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the dom decided they wanted from him. Nothing beyond what they wanted to do to him.
Jake knew he was making the whole thing sound way too negativistic - fact was, it was nice just to be physically close to someone. Not to mention, spending time with Sophia was enough to quell the gnawing fear of Ethan's reappearance out of his mind, at least for a bit. And she was a welcome distraction from Amy - Amy has a boyfriend, he has to move on - and Sophia made sure he had enjoyed himself just as much as she had been.
It had been a while since he'd been around a self-assured dom like Sophia. Ones who didn't feel the need to prove their own dom-ness to him. She knew what she was, and she knew what he was, too. There was no grasp at power, no big show of control. She already knew she had all of it. She had nothing to prove to him. He was just a sub, after all.
Still. Sex was over. He needed to do something. He could feel sleep creeping in around the edges of his vision, and he wasn't ready yet.
"So, I noticed a ping pong table." Jake said abruptly.
Sophia's hands, which were in the middle of doing up her shirt, paused. "You play?"
"Yeah. Not to brag, but I am very good."
"Oh really?" Her face split into a grin. "I'd like to see you prove it."
Jake hopped up eagerly, glad he was able to have pinpointed something that she was clearly invested in.
They played well into the morning, in a hotly contested game that seemed without end. Hopefully without end. Jake was enjoying himself quite a bit - mostly the game itself, but a part of him would have gladly stared at a wall by himself, if only to keep the night away. Although, he did much prefer playing ping pong as opposed to counting wall pockmarks in his room for a fifth time.
Sophia was the one to finally call it a night. "I've got a big day tomorrow." She said, holding the ping pong ball in one hand, racket in the other.
"Sounds like you're chickening out because you know you can't win." Jake joked, not wanting the night to end. Not wanting to be alone with his thoughts. With his stupid fucking mind and its supid fucking dreams.
But she just laughed. "I promise, we can have a rematch some other time. But I do need some sleep. And you probably do to, tomorrow is a weekday."
"Yeah, you're probably right." Jake agreed, even as he privately mourned the end of this reprieve. He had known it wasn't going to last - but it wasn't like he'd expected it to in the first place. More just… pretended.
Still. He glanced at the clock, which read 2:12am. At least he'd made it this long without sleep.
Maybe he'd be able to drink some coffee to make it to tomorrow.
Jake could practically hear Rosa chewing him out over getting enough sleep just by thinking it. But whatever. He'd take what escapes he could.
He thought he was past this. Living in fear, frantically trying to avoid the ever-looming presence of Ethan. Well, he knew that he had always been afraid. Always. It was just… he'd been able to ignore it for a bit. The whole thing was just rearing its head - and would quiet down just as soon, if he was just patient with it. Avoidant with it. Trouble was, if he started dreaming too much of Ethan, it would only add onto itself, build up into something worse again. He had to nip it in the bud. He had to stop the spiral before it started - lest he end up where he had after he first ended it.
Fuck, just thinking about that was enough to scare him into wanting to stay awake for the rest of his life.
Still, he wasn't going to be able to stay awake at Sophia's, that was for sure.
Jake doble-checked that he had his keys and phone before heading for the door, Sophia half-a-step behind him.
"Hey," She said.
Jake turned.
Sophia pressed him up against the door, pinning him in place. Not gentle
|
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CommonCrawl
| 0.761531 | -1.0869 | -1.577022 | -1.448537 |
by any means, and certainly firmly enough that it would take actual effort to break free, but it wasn't a slam.
She leaned in, kissing him heavily, tongue sliding into his mouth and teeth grazing his lip. She pulled back just as Jake was beginning to wonder if he'd be able to breathe.
"See you around." She said, stepping back and opening the door.
"Yeah, you too." Jake replied, turning.
She smacked his ass, and he turned around and gave her a grin - face flushed red. Sophia closed the door, a satisfied smile on her face as he went.
Jake barely made it to his apartment before he practically fell down, exhaustion rearing its ugly head. 24 hours without sleep wasn't exactly a good thing, and he so desperately wanted to stay up. Keep it all away.
Of course, the mess he was during the worst of the nightmares - when he would do anything, anything to stay awake just a few minutes longer… those weren't good days, either. Him drinking energy drinks and coffee until he could feel his heartbeat thrumming in his chest, forcing himself into uncomfortable positions so that sleep wouldn't come, working shift after shift of overtime just to try to stave off the ever-encroaching need to rest.
He wasn't safe to drive, wasn't safe to work. Would pick at his skin to stay awake, slam his knee into his desk if he started to space out. Anything to avoid it.
In the end, Rosa had just drugged him. Desperate for him to stop before he killed himself.
That… hadn't ended well for either of them.
Jake had screamed until his vocal cords ripped.
Rosa had… well, it was the first time he'd ever known her to be genuinely afraid. She had been afraid for him, sure, but still. Afraid nonetheless.
Ugh. Jake scrubbed at his face. He was way too tired to deal with memories of that whole fucking experience on top of the shit he already had on his mind.
He padded into the kitchen, deciding to make a pot of coffee. Needing to make a pot of coffee.
He knew he shouldn't. Knew he needed to sleep, if only for his own sake. But Jake was nothing if not avoidant, so he ended up putting coffee grounds into his pot. He decided to sit on the floor, staring at the clock while waiting for the pot to be ready.
He realized after 20 minutes that he'd forgotten to turn the machine on.
He should get up and turn it on.
But the floor was cool, and getting up seemed like far too much effort. He'd get up in a minute. He would just close his eyes for a second, the lights of the kitchen too bright against his eyes. He only needed a moment, and he'd be fine.
He was asleep before he realized he'd leant back against the cupboards.
love comments!! hint hint :D
i've been awol from my WIPs doing my fic request november (10 requests total, whew) but back at it again now! happy to be here :)
we've officially moved into s2's teddy and sophia shenanigans. rest assured we are yeeting headlong into peraltiago territory at warpspeed, which is something to look forward to! for next chapter, i figure i'll have some angsty flashbacks + an episode-based segment (i've gotten a few requests for the vulture ep put in here somewhere. not promising it'll be this upcoming one, but it will happen eventually) + a friendly reminder not to send comments asking me to hurry up/update faster <3
Jake woke up with a scream in his throat, choking on air - his heart was pounding its way up his throat, and he felt that, should he open his mouth in that moment, he would surely vomit out his lungs.
He brought one hand up to his face, skin dripping with sweat. He covered his eyes with his hand, taking - or trying to take - a few deep breaths.
His mind was racing, screaming at him - but he wasn't entirely sure what it was trying to say. He pushed himself up against the cupboard, pulling his legs to his chest so he could rest his head on his knees. Breathing
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.245289 | -1.07522 | -1.65951 | -1.61803 |
felt like a monumentous effort, and he realized - with no small amount of fear - that it was only getting more and more difficult.
Jake's chest ached, and, no matter how hard he tried, his lungs simply wouldn't expand to take in air. He placed both of his hands onto his knees, forcing his eyes open. For some, irrational reason, he was afraid he would see… well, he didn't even know. Something, someone, a manifestation of a thought, it didn't matter and he couldn't remember what it was he was waking up afraid from.
Regardless of what he was afraid of seeing, it was mildly comforting to see that nothing of note was there. Since his back was against the cupboards, he was able to escape the 'behind you' anxiety that would so often come whenever he woke up like this.
Although, of course, it wasn't like he woke up without remembering his more… unpleasant dreams all that often. No, Jake was a cop, and remembering details was, unfortunately, part of his job description - quite literally - and that meant that he very rarely forgot even a moment.
Maybe not remembering was a mercy - he had lived through his life once, and that was already more than he could take. Having to relive the worst parts of it - or, even more cruelly, the good moments - on repeat fucking sucked. So hey, not remembering his dream was a good thing!
So then why couldn't he make himself breathe?
Jake closed his eyes again, placing his forehead on his knees. He felt vaguely ill, as if about to vomit, but he knew enough to know that that wasn't going to happen. He brought one hand up to touch his neck, immeasurably reassured when his shaking hand met clammy, sweaty skin as opposed to the cold metal he half-expected.
It felt as if his heart was half in his throat, and it was hammering away like he'd just run a marathon - not that he'd ever willingly do that, but still.
Jake didn't risk opening his eyes again - he already felt much too dizzy as it was - instead just trying to focus on the texture of his pants under his hands.
It felt weird - his hands were vaguely tingly, if not almost completely numb - and the texture felt vaguely alien. Still, the repetition of rubbing the fabric with his fingers was comforting, and Jake found himself unable to convince himself to stop - not that he was particularly inclined to, though.
How long Jake sat there, he didn't know, but, eventually, his heart slowly crept its way back down to its rightful place, and his pulse slowed. Even as he became aware of his breathing becoming easier - instead of taking rapid, strained gasps, it was more like slightly-faster-than-normal breathing - the tingling in his fingers turned sharp, almost painful. He regretfully let them fall back to the floor, and slowly lifted his face up, wincing as he opened his eyes to the bright light of his kitchen.
Jake turned his head - wincing as he did so. He was by no means old, but it wasn't like he could sleep on the floor without consequences - and squinted, trying to read the clock.
It read just past 9 o'clock, and it took a moment before Jake's mind processed it.
Once it clicked, however, he jerked himself to his feet, ignoring the twinge of his stiff neck as he did so.
Fuck. He had to be at the courthouse at 10.
He ran through the motions of prepping for court - thankfully he knew his case from front to back, but unfortunately a large portion of being at court was centered around looking professional. Which meant he had to actually put in effort.
Jake hated going to court. For one thing, he had a high case closure rate, so he got called in more often than he'd care to. Secondly, the attorneys would always ask him a very… specific range of questions.
And every time, it was a toss up on if this case would be the one where he'd snap.
Of course, he never did. It wouldn't bode well for his career, or his dignity - assuming that he even had any of that left - so he always found a way to bite his tongue. Today would be no different.
Besides
|
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CommonCrawl
| 0.742511 | -0.545318 | -1.340317 | -0.9565 |
, this was the Millhound case. That dick had nearly shot him - and had tried to command him, for fuck's sake - so Jake wasn't planning on skipping it.
Given his leftover anxiety, Jake really didn't want to wear a tie - just the idea of something being wrapped around his throat just… he didn't want it. But he knew that, like with most things, he didn't have a choice in the matter - not really - and put one on with shaky hands. Whether that shaking just hadn't gone away from when he woke up, or if it was returning now, he wasn't entirely sure.
He supposed it didn't matter either way. Not like it would change the outcome. All members of the 99 were expected to wear formal wear for the courts, something that even Rosa begrudgingly complied with. It wasn't like he could roll up in a polo - not without it reflecting badly on Holt, at any rate. And Jake wasn't going to do anything to jeopardize his Captain's standing - considering he genuinely liked Holt, and all. Maybe even looked up to him. A bit.
Jake had always wanted a father figure who would give a fuck, and, now that he perhaps had a chance of having one, he was not going to risk losing it. Not over something as stupid as this. As insignificant.
Jake grimaced as he pulled the knot tight, swallowing down his discomfort as the tie secured itself around the base of his neck, its slight pressure letting its presence become all too noticeable. Forcing himself not to undo it - he felt like it was too tight, choking him, he couldn't breathe-
Jake closed his eyes, forcing himself to take a deep, slow breath. It was fine. The tie was fine. He was fine. He slowly reopened his eyes, before finishing getting dressed - there wasn't time for coffee, but he was able to yoink some breakfast - and then just booking it to the courthouse. With any luck, there would be an opportunity to get coffee there.
There was never parking near the courthouse. So now there was no time to get coffee. That was definitely on track with how his entire day… fuck, his entire week had been going.
Jake barely made it to the courtroom, spotting the back of Terry's head - and his shoulders practically bulging out of his suit - and slid down next to him quickly, bracing himself to get yelled at.
Instead, Terry just flashed him a grin.
"Had a good night, Peralta?" He asked leadingly.
"Huh?" Jake felt his anxiety spike - how did Terry possibly know about? - but then remembered that Terry had told him to find meatloaf the night prior. And that he had probably seen Jake leave with Sophia, too.
Jake slapped on a grin. "Oh, yeah! It was good."
"Did you give her your number?"
"Well, yeah. She likes Die Hard. And ping pong. Not like I wasn't going to."
"Nice, nice." Terry nodded, patting Jake on the shoulder, seeming pleased.
It felt a little weird to have Terry so encouraging - people tended to be a bit… uncomfortable with the idea of a male sub seeking out relationships. Although, there was usually less issue of him being with dom women than dom men, and if it was a switch - well then he was a homewrecker, pure and simple. Sophia exuded domness, though, so it made sense why Terry wouldn't take an issue with it.
Not that Terry would, necessarily. Just that… that was what it usually was.
Sometimes Jake couldn't get his brain to stop assuming that people he trusted weren't thinking like the societal 'people'. Maybe it was him trying to protect himself from when they inevitably let him down, maybe it was because he was a fucked up, broken- ugh. He had a headache forming, and thinking just made it worse.
Terry was just leaning over to crack a joke at the defense attorney's expense - they were going to be late if they didn't get there in the next minute - the doors opened, and a familiar figure strode past Jake. Before doing a double-take, turning around to face them.
"Jake?" Sophia asked, surprise evident in her voice
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.583563 | -0.846486 | -1.379768 | -1.597792 |
.
"H...ey," He said slowly, noting the briefcase and binder in her arms.
"You're a cop?" She asked - her voice sounded accusatory - as if he had intentionally hid that fact from her.
Jake immediately bristled. "And you're a defense attorney?" He snapped back, resisting the urge to fiddle with his tie. Or apologize for not telling her something that had simply never come up.
"I can't believe I-" She dropped her voice, "I can't believe I slept with a cop." She sounded disgusted.
Jake gestured to the defense table, "And I can't believe I slept with someone who defends criminals! What's your point?"
"Ugh, this- we shouldn't- ugh." Sophia frowned, "I should never have done this. It was a mistake."
Jake gave her a half-hearted glare as she turned and went across the bar into the… main courtroom area thing. He didn't know what it was called, and was too annoyed to ask Terry.
"Was that-?"
"Yeah." Jake replied irritably - he was sleep deprived, already fucking stressed out enough, and now this was just icing on the shit cake.
"Damn. I'm sorry, man." Terry said, shaking his head. "A defense attorney."
Jake didn't reply, hands finding their way to the edge of his tie, scratching over the lining in a half-conscious attempt to self-soothe. Watching as Sophia took files out of her briefcase, he realized - with no small amount of anxiety - that that meant she was going to cross-examine him.
By some small mercy - how he had earned even the slightest reprieve was beyond him - Amy would have already done her piece the day prior - he didn't have to sit and listen to her go through it all, piece by piece. Not that she'd be questioned nearly as extensively as he would be - ironic, considering she was the arresting officer, but not exactly surprising.
He was the weakest link of the two, after all. At least in the jury's eyes, at any rate, which was the only opinion that mattered here.
Jake was the first witness called for the day - which meant that, once this was over, he could go back home and recount the marks on his wall until the sun went down - and he settled into his professional, officer of the law demeanour. He flashed a smile to the judge - who smiled back - and then faced the front.
The prosecutor walked through the entire process, having Jake detail, step by step, how they led to arresting Dylan Millhound for murder. Once that was completed, the defense - Sophia - took over.
She stepped forward, her heels clicking on the floor. She looked immaculately put together, the very picture of professionalism. A lawyer.
Jake's hand crept to his tie, sliding the edge of it under his fingernail.
"Officer Peralta," Sophia began, her voice clipped into that perfect sort of skeptically-neutral tone that lawyers always seemed to use. "Did the defendant threaten you prior to the arrest?"
"He had a gun-"
"The defendant was in his own home, and had a license to carry. My question was not whether or not my client exercised the 2nd Amendment, my question was if the defendant threatened you."
"Millhound had a gun in his hand. I identified myself, and instructed him to drop the weapon. He did not, and approached me despite my ordering him to stop. At that point, Millhound raised his gun at me, at which point my partner disarmed and arrested him."
"So he didn't say anything to indicate being a threat?"
"The gun-"
"Yes or no."
"He didn't threaten me verbally, no." Jake replied shortly. He was half-tempted to add that Millhound had tried to command him, but wasn't sure if that would go over well.
"No, my client didn't threaten. Nothing indicated he was dangerous, and yet the arrest report is being used to indicate my client's guilt?"
"Objection." The prosecutor interjected, "Is there a question?"
"Withdrawn." Sophia replied automatically, eyes still fixed on Jake
|
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CommonCrawl
| 0.79006 | -0.136922 | -0.681307 | -0.314575 |
. His grip tightened on the bottom of his tie - he wanted to take it off. He didn't.
"Officer Peralta, what is your orientation?"
"Objection!" The prosecutor spluttered, half-rising before a glare from the bailiff made him sit back down.
Jake's gaze snapped to Terry, who looked like he was attempting - and most likely succeeding - to bend the unoccupied chair in front of him.
"The question pertains to the officer's judgement and perception of my client." Sophia argued.
The judge looked bored. "Get to the point quickly."
Sophia nodded, before turning to Jake. "If you could answer the question, Office Peralta."
"I'm a sub." He replied, keeping his affect completely flat. Hands still in his lap. Not moving, and barely breathing. The very picture of a neutral answer, neutral expression, neutral existence. Anything less would have made the jury paint him as a whimpering damsel.
One glance towards the jury indicated that there were what looked like 9 doms - or, non-subs, anyway - and that did little to ease his concern. A few of them already looked skeptical. One woman - clearly a sub - looked uncomfortable.
"Has being a sub ever affected your judgement?"
"I'm under oath."
"Please answer the question."
"Yes, I'm sure. My ability to do my job is not impacted by my orientation." Jake was keeping his voice neutral - if he lost it now, he would lose all credibility - but allowed himself to add, "There have been numerous studies, and the modern consensus is that orientation does not affect work capability or judgement."
"Of course, no one is questioning your skills as an officer, or your placement in the NYPD." Sophia nodded, "However, this situation was… unusual, was it not?"
"I don't understand your question." Jake replied coolly. He could feel his hands rapidly becoming sweaty, but didn't dare wipe them.
"According to your report, the defendant commanded you, and then you perceived the gun being raised towards you. Is this situation unusual?"
Jake paused, considering. "Define unusual."
Sophia's expression flickered for a moment. "Uncommon."
"No. Suspects attempting to escape through any means means that occasionally they attempt to command me or a fellow colleague, It is something we were prepared for the possibility of occurring when we were trained for the NYPD.
"So your anxiety about being commanded wouldn't cause your judgement to be skewed and perceive a threat?"
Jake's head filled with cotton - the first part, how - she said that out loud. To a courtroom. On record. He swallowed, feeling like he was going to gag on his tie. It was a tether, tying him here to this moment. Inescapable.
"My judgement was not skewed in any way by the defendant's actions." Jake replied, "I am fully capable of observing situations with the same reality as my colleague and, you know, real life. As for being commanded," Jake couldn't quite bite back the cold half-laugh, making direct eye contact with Sophia, "I have to actually trust someone to take a command. Needless to say, you…r client didn't meet that criteria."
She blinked, looking vaguely like she'd been slapped. "So you were completely unaffected by being commanded? It didn't make you uncomfortable?"
"Yes and yes." Jake wasn't sure if that was technically perjury, but it was true in the context of the case.
"In that case," Sophia said - as if she was circling prey. He supposed, in her eyes, maybe that was precisely what she was doing - "Why would you describe his command as a threat?"
Jake blinked. "Because… his attempt to do it constitutes a threat."
"I'm confused. You just said that you were completely unaffected, and that it didn't cause you any discomfort. So, then why was it a threat?" Sophia turned, more towards the jury than him. "Or, did you use any opportunity available to portray my client as a threat? And, in that case, we can't trust your statement that the gun was being used
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.612092 | 0.182333 | -0.580887 | -0.08247 |
threateningly, either."
Jake made eye contact with Terry again.
The chair in front of him looked significantly more stout than it had before.
Jake wished he was still just having a panic attack on his kitchen floor. It was distinctly preferable to this.
"Hey," Sophia caught up to Jake as he and Terry were leaving.
"What the hell was that?" Jake asked, irritated. "You questioned my place on the force, my ability to fucking think for myself-"
"It's not personal." Sophia frowned. Outside of the courtroom, she was still polished - but her posture a little more slack, demeanour less clipped. "My job is to defend my client. That means I have to pursue every angle."
"Including the one where I'm a lying, delusional sub who can't tell reality from fiction?"
"I'm just trying to convince the jury that my client isn't guilty." Sophia shrugged.
Jake felt another swell of irritation. "Well, good job."
"Look, Jake," She said, stepping closer. "I wanted to talk about… well, I enjoyed last night."
Jake turned towards Terry, but the Sarge could move fast when he wanted to, and had all but moved completely out of earshot, idling near the coffee cart.
"Look, what I said earlier," She said, "I was just surprised. You're fun, and it's hard to find a guy who… well," She shrugs, "I think we should go on another date."
Jake blinked. Considering the grilling she gave him, he didn't expect her to have the guts for that.
"As if I'd date a DA." He replied, trying for a joke - it felt flat - but Sophia just nodded.
"I'd be willing to date a cop. If the cop was you." She offered.
Jake hesitated. The idea of going out again with Sophia again was equal parts appealing and discouraging. On the one hand, she was a DA, and clearly had no problems digging up whatever it took to win - which didn't bode well for him long-term. On the other, she was fun, and he genuinely liked being around her. And, he admitted guiltily, being around her helped keep the world at bay - remembrance of Ethan, his stupid affections for Amy -, even if only for a moment.
Jake had never done well with being alone. And she hadn't seemed like an overreaching dom, which was a compelling combo.
Truth was, Jake figured it would probably bite him in the ass - like most things always did - he had never been shy of taking on the risk of pain.
"Sure. This Friday, 8pm, drinks at Shaw's?"
"Sounds good." She smiled at him. And, with a gentle squeeze on his arm, she left - probably on her way to another case somewhere inside the bowels of the courthouse.
Terry reappeared, holding out a coffee for Jake, a second one for himself in his other hand.
"So?" He asked expectantly, as they walked down the steps out of the courthouse, passing by bustling lawyers as they went.
"I have a second date." Jake replied, reaching up with his free hand to undo his tie, pulling it off and shoving it into his pocket.
"Really? After she… uh, was a defense attorney?" It sounded like Terry changed his mind on the question halfway through, but Jake didn't call him on it.
"She's just doing her job." Jake shrugged. "Same as us. Besides, I like her. She's fun."
"Alright, man. Good for you!" Terry didn't question it - he rarely questioned relationships, and the few times he ever tried he ended up just monologuing about Sharon for an hour while the other person just nodded along silently.
"I mean it, man," Terry continued, "You deserve to be happy."
"What makes you think I need a dom to be happy?" Jake asked sharply, although there was no real venom to it.
Terry shrugged. "Just… I'm glad that it worked out. And you seem like you want a relationship, so…" He trailed off.
Neither
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.758814 | -1.11026 | -1.663097 | -1.344817 |
tried to save the conversation - it was a little too awkward for their level of friendship, and Jake was mildly relieved when it was time to part ways in their respective vehicles.
Jake realized, sitting in his car, ignition on, that he had no idea where to go. The idea of going home just… didn't appeal to him in the slightest.
He deliberated for a moment, before pulling his car into the road. Maybe he'd just… drive for a bit. He drove on autopilot, sipping away at the coffee - the combo of sugar and caffeine only served to make his headache worsen - until he recognized the street he was on.
It was Holt's street.
Jake stopped the car, staring at the house in front of him.
He'd only been here once - for the extremely awkward dinner party that had made Kevin dislike him, probably forever. And had gotten him chewed out by Holt.
He wasn't sure what he was doing here.
Sure, he respected his Captain - Holt had never discriminated against him, which was more than he could say for, well, any other boss he'd ever had. And he trusted him, of course - it wasn't like anything less was an option. He even looked up to him, more than a bit - although he felt awkward about admitting that out loud - and the idea of talking to Holt just… didn't seem appealing.
What was he even wanting to say?
Jake's head felt like it was full of static, a million thoughts pounding away inside his aching skull. He couldn't think, all he felt was the urge to just… stop existing for a while.
He wanted to become less than he was. Maybe then, after all, the world would become a little more manageable. If he lost himself, then maybe Ethan would get lost too. Maybe he'd be able to just… be himself.
Jake hadn't felt like himself in so long. He wasn't even sure what he had originally been - so much of his life was marred by the existence of his orientation - or if he had ever been anyone other than who he was now in the first place.
Maybe if Roger had never hated him, he wouldn't hate himself so much now.
Maybe if his mother had trusted him, he wouldn't be so desperate to prove himself.
Maybe if he had never met Ethan, he would be able to just exist.
Jake realized he was crying. Frowning, he brought up his hand, wiping at his face aggressively - there was no point to him mourning the loss of opportunities he had never been entitled to in the first place.
He was startled out of his thoughts by a sharp rap on his half-down - and broken - passenger window. Kevin was staring at him with those sharp blue eyes, expression the same, slightly exasperated resting face he seemed to have. Or, at least, seemed to have around Jake, at any rate.
"Peralta. What brings you by?" He asked, voice crisp, to match his professional clothes.
"Oh, nothing, sorry." Jake replied, mentally berating himself as his voice came out stuffy from crying. He could tell his eyes were already getting sort of puffy and gross, and he really just didn't need Kevin to see that. Because he was sure Kevin would talk to Holt about it - like normal, happy couples do.
"Raymond is at the precinct. Did something happen?"
"No, no." Jake shook his head, "Sorry, I- I haven't been to the 99 today. I- I got out of court just now, and… I don't know." Jake's breath hitched. He told himself he wasn't going to cry again. "I just didn't want to go home-" Fuck. His throat closed off, and he let out a slight huff of breath as his eyes filled up again.
Fuck, he hated this. Way to make a second impression, right? He cleared his throat, wiping at his eyes hastily.
"Sorry to bother you, Kevin. I'll- I'll get out of your way."
Kevin was watching him with that same expression - it hadn't so much as twitched, but somehow the gaze felt less skeptical, more… appraising. Jake felt like he was looking for something and, whatever it was, he seemed to find it.
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.910969 | -0.843566 | -1.587781 | -1.036187 |
"Nonsense. You are a guest, please, come in." Kevin's tone didn't indicate it being a request.
Jake had the urge to spit a 'fuck you' and book it - Kevin, despite his slim stature, felt incredibly intimidating in that moment. Jake wanted to run. He felt like he had to run.
But he had nowhere to run to.
So, instead, Jake just stepped out of his car, tucking the keys into his pocket.
Kevin looked slightly pleased - or, at least, Jake guessed that the emotion that flitted on Kevin's face was pleased, anyway, it wasn't like he could really tell - and the pair trudged up to the house.
Kevin let him in, sliding off his shoes at the entrance. Jake did the same - since he had gotten ready for court, he had worn his nice socks - and looked around. It looked just as clean and orderly as it had at the party, and Jake figured that made sense, given the attitude the two seemed to have.
"Would you like coffee?" Kevin offered, and Jake nodded, barely remembering to add a "thank you" after.
As Kevin walked into the kitchen, Jake stood for a moment, not entirely sure what to do with himself. As if on cue, their dog - Cheddar? - padded over, stubby little tail wagging away.
Jake sat down on the floor - he wasn't in the mood to care about taking care of his clothes - and offered his hand.
Cheddar sniffed it, then laid down, rolling half-into Jake's lap, half splayed out on the hardwood floor.
Jake pet him, surreptitiously checking the dog tag - yeah, it was Cheddar, that's what he figured - and watching as Cheddar's tongue stuck out slightly as he lazed about.
It had been too long since Jake had been around pets - his mother wasn't big on pets, and it wasn't like he could take care of one. He could barely take care of himself, let alone another living being.
Still, Cheddar filled some need in his heart that he hadn't been aware of missing in the first place. It took Jake a moment to realize that it was the first time he'd been offered affection without an ulterior motive since Charles had hugged him.
Jake sort of wanted to cry again. But he sure as fuck wasn't about to do that inside of his Captain's house, while Kevin bustled around.
Instead, he just focused on Cheddar, the sensation of soft fur under his fingers helping to ground him - the feeling of nonexistence slowly fading down until he stopped becoming aware of it at all.
Jake had all but forgotten Kevin's presence entirely when the host cleared his throat, holding out a mug. He blinked for a moment, confused, before remembering the coffee, and accepted it.
It was definitely fancy coffee - Jake tried to appreciate it.
Kevin seemed to pause for half a moment in deliberation, before sitting down in an armchair, his own mug in hand.
They sat in a silence that Kevin seemed fully content in. When Jake dared to look at him, he seemed fully engrossed in studying a painting hung on the wall across from him. It seemed to fit with something that Kevin would normally do - at least, he assumed so - so Jake redirected his attention back to Cheddar, who was giving him puppy eyes to ask for more pets.
Jake slowly lost awareness of time, and only became aware of it having passed at all when he lifted his mug to realize that it was now empty.
Jake blinked, staring down into its empty contents - he had, at some point, drunk it - before looking back down and noticing that Cheddar had migrated completely into his lap, curled up and almost certainly asleep.
Jake kept his head still, but brought his eyes up to Kevin - then quickly averting them when he saw that Kevin was watching him.
He was sure that, if he just didn't acknowledge Kevin's presence, the other man would be content to sit in silence forever.
But, oddly, Jake felt better. So much better, in fact, that he found himself straightening up and facing Kevin head-on.
"How was your day, Kevin?" Jake asked politely - as if he hadn't just sat on the
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.810438 | -1.225763 | -1.473015 | -1.241097 |
floor for who knew how long. As if he hadn't practically lost his mind. As if he hadn't shown up unannounced to his home.
"It is going well." Kevin replied smoothly, "I recently finished a book on the history of history. It was quite compelling, as you can imagine."
"Oh, cool." Jake wasn't sure what 'history of history' could even be about. "No classes today?"
"No. It is the second Tuesday of the month."
"Ah, of course." Jake said. He wasn't sure what that meant, but figured it was significant.
"You appear to have taken a liking to Cheddar, Peralta." Kevin offered.
"Hm? Oh, yeah." Jake looked down at the dozing dog, "I, uh, I always wanted a pet. Never really had the chance, though. Cheddar's a great dog."
"Yes, he is." Kevin nodded. "Additionally, Cheddar seems to appreciate your affections in turn."
Jake felt flattered by that - winning a dog's approval was not something to be taken lightly, after all - but wasn't entirely sure how to respond. Instead, he just ducked his head down to give Cheddar's head some pats.
Kevin seemed to not mind the lack of response, and his gaze flicked from Jake down to the empty mug. He stood, picking up the mug along with his own and leaving for the kitchen.
As he did, Cheddar roused, and the dog blinked blearily up at Jake, clambering out of his lap. He watched as Cheddar stretched, before padding off after Kevin - Jake biting back his disappointment at that. Of course, Cheddar wasn't his dog, but he found himself missing his presence almost immediately.
Still, Jake admitted, he felt significantly better than he had when he had first left the courthouse. He felt… well, he felt normal. Still broken, sure, but normal. Back to his regular functioning self, instead of whatever mess he had been going through for the past… fuck, had it only been a couple days? It felt like it had been forever since Ethan had reared his head in his brain, searing through his skin and branding him with his hands.
Of course, Ethan was always there, lingering down in the back of his mind, but he hadn't had nightmares - not really bad ones, anyway - or flashbacks or shit in a long time. And, while he still wasn't convinced they weren't going to reappear, he was able to convince himself - for this brief moment - that they had gone away, at least for the time being.
He had felt truly at ease with Cheddar in his arms. And that reprieve honestly felt exactly what he had needed.
Jake felt… good. He felt like he was going to be able to go to sleep without waking up screaming. He truly, truly felt that to be the case - incredible what a dog and a bit of peace can do for the mind.
Jake got to his feet, wincing - he hadn't exactly been sleeping at all lately, but when he did it tended to be in extremely uncomfortable positions, and his body was beginning to go from annoyed to angry about it.
He held his back as he stretched, letting his joints pop along his spine.
Kevin reappeared, sans mugs - Cheddar now at his feet. If he was surprised at Jake moving, he didn't show it. Instead, his gaze seemed to zero on Jake's side, expression carefully neutral.
Jake looked down, realizing that, at some point, his tie had slipped out of his side and was now half-hanging out of his pocket. He shoved it back in, before flashing Kevin a disarming grin that had absolutely no effect.
"Hey, Kevin, um," Jake shifted his weight, "Look, I- thanks. I- um, I,"
"There's no need to explain, Peralta. I understand." Maybe it was Jake's imagination, but Kevin seemed almost… sympathetic. "You are welcome to visit Cheddar again, should you so choose."
"Oh." Jake hadn't even considered hoping for that offer - he had been under the impression Kevin disliked, if not fully despised, him - and he wasn't even sure how to respond
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.987047 | -1.137514 | -1.309832 | -0.8795 |
with the appropriate gratefulness. Eventually, he settled on a rather lame, "Thanks."
Kevin didn't seem to mind that, either.
"I, um, I should go." Jake said finally, "I've got some stuff to do."
Kevin nodded once. "Of course. I also have… 'stuff'." He seemed amused by saying the word, but, somehow, it didn't feel like a jab at Jake's word choice.
Jake slipped his shoes back on, giving a goodbye to both Kevin and Cheddar - who scampered over to ask for one more pat - before leaving, feeling significantly better than he had when he entered.
wow so this chapter was pretty hefty!! definitely longer than i expected lol :D
it was harder than i thought it would be to incorporate this episode into the fic, oops!! but i really wanted to include it so... here we are! and yeah i chickened out of doing a full flashback scene because i want to make it angstier and it just felt cringy doing it inside of the courtroom (i rewrote it like 4 times before scrapping that bit) smh. and i know some of you want some jake and holt bonding time, but for now it's kevin and cheddar - holt is going to take a little more time, i have to prep some more stuff first. but yeah, dogs make everyone feel better!!! and cheddar is 100% good boi <3
also comments are great!! friendly reminder not to send /hurry up/ comments tho :)
Jake was a little thrown to see that it was significantly later in the afternoon than he had anticipated - and checking his phone indicated that it was almost 3pm. He was not aware of having stayed for so long, and he felt a bit bad for having eaten up so much of Kevin's… day off? He had to assume that was what a second Tuesday meant.
Jake felt better - truly, he did, after having… what, hung out? That didn't seem like the right term to describe anything relating to Kevin. Still, it had been a welcome break from his responsibilities.
He noticed that he was starving - he hadn't realized how hungry he had become until he was back on the road. He deliberated going back to his apartment, but remembered that he had a lack of food there - he always seemed to forget to restock.
He supposed he could get more groceries - although he couldn't quite remember what it was he needed. Was it that he had too much bread or no bread? It wasn't like he'd kept track of his pantry lately, he'd been… going through it, a bit.
In the end, he opted for going home. It was a joy to change out of his courtroom clothes - he would have to get them dry-cleaned, they were coated in a fine dusting of Cheddar's fur and crinkled - and he tossed the tie down with no small amount of relief.
Even if he was okay for now, having to look at ties never made him feel better.
Once he was dressed in far more casual clothing, he went into the kitchen.
He was out of bread.
Jake made pasta instead.
While the water heated, Jake glanced behind him. The mug that Rosa always used was still in the cupboard - for some reason, he had half-expected to see it in the drying rack. She always seemed to make an appearance after he went to court - or when she did. But not always - that would be too close to a routine, which Rosa was, of course, allergic to.
Jake dumped some pasta into the now-boiling pot, rummaging through his sparse fridge - okay, he had to go to the store. Seriously. - and pulled out a half-full jar of red sauce. There wasn't any parmesan cheese, but there was butter, which was close enough.
Not to Charles, probably, but hey. He wasn't here, so… Jake happily sliced a chunk of butter into the bowl, along with the sauce.
He didn't like putting sauce in the pans - made it harder to clean, after all - but putting the sauce in the bottom made it easier to mix it properly, give the sauce an even coating.
Heh, he had first learned that trick… fuck, when even was that? He was still working
|
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1985
] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.232723 | -1.676095 | -1.605714 | -1.123463 |
for his old precinct, the 125. Heh.
Jake stared down at the bowl.
He couldn't remember where he had learned it.
It didn't matter.
Jake turned abruptly, flicking on the TV and selecting the first movie that popped up. He was doing well. He was going to continue doing well.
He ate his perfectly-sauced pasta, staring at the wall a few feet to the left of the screen. The wall looked dirty. He could clean that.
Jake wanted to get back to work.
Boredom did not suit him. It usually meant thoughts creeping in, whispers and phantom pains dancing across his body.
Strangely, though, he felt none of it. Just a nearly-serene quiet. It was a bit unsettling. It'd been so long since Jake could just exist like this that he couldn't remember how to. He didn't really like how peaceful he felt - he didn't want to get used to it.
He glanced at the wall again. Maybe he should clean that.
Jake showed up the following day to work, and knew immediately that something was afoot.
For one thing, Terry looked guilty.
The man had a terrible poker face - how it was so legitimately bad was beyond him. Regardless of why, Jake could read him like a book.
Terry had been at the courtroom. That probably had something to do with it. Okay, more than probably, Jake amended, seeing how Charles flashed him an overly-forced grin, and Gina raised an eyebrow at him from behind her perpetually raised phone.
He elected to ignore it, instead sitting down behind his desk. Amy looked up, giving him an attempt of a smile.
"Hey, Jake! How are you?"
"I'm good." He said, booting up his computer. Seeing her slightly incredulous look, he added, "Seriously. I'm good. Great, actually. I got to pet a dog."
"Oh, that's good!" Amy replied, voice going up half an octave. Her smile turned less strained, and Jake returned it to her easily before refocusing on his work.
He had just begun tapping away on his keys - and resigning himself to the fact that nothing every stayed quiet in the fucking precinct - when Holt approached him.
"Peralta," He said simply. "If you could please come to my office."
Jake got up, casting Gina a glance, who just shrugged - her way of saying, "Sorry, fuck if I know".
"Peralta, please, take a seat."
Jake internally grimaced - yeah, unsurprisingly, Kevin and Holt had a genuinely healthy relationship and talked when employees showed up out of the blue crying and petting their dog.
"Kevin informed me that you visited our home yesterday afternoon."
"Yes, si- Captain." Jake felt like he was being skewered under Holt's impassive gaze. He felt oddly guilty, even though Kevin didn't seem to have minded.
"Peralta," Holt sat forward slightly, "Jacob. It is important that you understand my home is open to you, should you ever need… assistance." The way he phrased it was deliberately vague. "Sargent Jeffords informed me of the court proceedings in the morning, and I fully understand that-"
"You all heard about that." Jake replied, not bothering to feel bad for interrupting.
Holt nodded once. "Yes." He sat back, "It is not uncommon to have certain lines of questioning directed to the… non-stereotypical members of the NYPD." He allowed one side of his mouth to curl up in a wry smile. "As I recall, I was once accused of 'anti-white sentiments' by a lawyer after I had arrested a man for embezzlement."
Jake blinked. He hadn't known that. Of course, it seemed obvious now that Holt had said it, but, somehow, it had never crossed his mind. They all faced discrimination inside the NYPD - Holt especially, certainly - but the idea of Holt having to sit in a witness chair, next to a bored judge and a scrutinous jury, as a lawyer listed off aspects of his existence as a reason for his incapacity…
It felt oddly reassuring, as cruel as that may
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.764248 | -0.617102 | -0.821627 | -0.790484 |
seem. Jake felt guilty for thinking it.
Holt continued. "Regardless, as I stated, my home is open should you ever need it. Kevin said that Cheddar took quite a liking to you, as well. I am sure he would appreciate your visiting."
Jake wasn't sure how to feel about that - a part of him was eager, practically bounding at the opportunity to not be alone. But another, larger part of him was just plain scared. He didn't want to want to be around Kevin and Holt and Cheddar - if he wanted it, then he would start to need it. And if he needed it… he wouldn't be able to cope when it was inevitably taken away.
Because it would always be taken away.
"Thank you." Jake said after a moment, trying to keep his thoughts to himself - he would prefer not to think of such things, it would disrupt the calm that had come over him lately. Holt didn't seem to mind his hesitation, still looking at him with that polite impassivity.
"Is there anything you would like to speak to me about?"
Jake was used to feeling like he was bursting at the seams - the odd quiet that seemed to be covering everything had settled into an almost-peaceful feeling. It felt odd - he wasn't used to being at ease - but he doubted that was what Holt meant.
"My cases are going well, yeah." Jake nodded, "I don't have any problems so far."
"Very well." Holt seemed to be waiting for something.
Jake wasn't sure what. After a moment, he gestured with his thumb back towards the door. "Am I good to go?"
"Yes, of course." Holt replied, remaining still as Jake got up and left.
Gina leaned across her desk towards him as he closed the door to the office. "What's up?" She asked.
"Oh, Holt wanted to talk to-"
"No I know that." She interrupted, "I heard you were going on a second date? You should've told me!" Gina typed on her phone. "What's her insta?"
"Nevermind, found it." Gina frowned, "Wow, she doesn't post regularly. Are you sure this is what you want?" Her tone was skeptical.
Jake felt a flash of irritation. "It's just a date. You didn't care about Bernice-"
"Well, of course not." She waved one hand dismissively, "I was sure Boyle would do almost as good a background check as I would've."
"You do know he's an actual detective, right?"
"I- nevermind."
"Hm. Decent track record," Gina shrugged, "Lot of work commitment. Is she going to be able to invest into your relationship?"
"Gina," Jake rubbed the back of his neck, "She's fine."
"Hang on, I'm trying to see if I can break into her bank accounts."
"Gina!" Jake gesticulated, "You're seriously going to tell me, a cop, that you're breaking the law. In a precinct?"
"Fine." Gina clicked her phone off. "There's no need to be dramatic. I can do this later, when you're not around."
"Why would I want you to go behind my back?" Jake knew he was sounding defensive.
"I'm not, I'm telling you right now." Gina's face was incredulous.
Jake didn't have time for this. He just… he just didn't. "Do whatever you want, Gina." He muttered, walking away.
"How's it going with your drug bust case?" Amy asked as he sat down across from her.
"Pretty good." Jake nodded. "We've got the guy in, I just need to get the confession and then…"
Jake trailed off as Amy's face turned bright, a small smile spreading across her face, eyes sliding past him.
He turned, and saw Teddy entering the bullpen, awkwardly fiddling with the gate to try to make it close properly. He'd seen Amy do the same thing a million times.
Jake pretended his heart didn't ache as he turned back to Amy - seeing her expression that wasn't meant for him - who was excusing herself
|
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CommonCrawl
| 0.560468 | -1.151789 | -1.462256 | -0.943218 |
to go up and give Teddy a hug.
They began whisper-talking, and Jake turned back around to his desk, picking up the file for his drug case. He had to get this done anyway, and Amy had more important stuff to do anyway.
Jake got up, carefully avoiding looking in the direction of Amy and Teddy, and headed for the interrogation room. Rosa slid in behind him, plucking the file out of his hands and opening it.
"This loser?" She asked, "It can't be hard to get him to confess."
"He sold tons of adderall to local colleges. Made a hefty profit."
"Yeah like I said, a loser. Everyone knows to upcharge the rich kids." Rosa handed the file back to him. "He was charging NYU and community kids the same price."
Jake raised an eyebrow. "That is sort of unusual, actually." He opened the file again. "Wait, why would he do that?"
"Because he's an idiot." Rosa offered, even as she frowned, crossing her arms in thought. "That or he wasn't selling the same thing to both."
Jake shook his head.
"I need to look at this again."
"Have fun." Rosa replied dryly.
Jake pretended not to notice that Amy was conspicuously absent from her desk, as was Teddy in the bullpen, and instead opted to look through the case again.
It didn't make sense, actually. Rosa was right, something was off. Adderall wasn't that pricy, compared to other drugs on the market, but these prices were low for it across the board. Jake had assumed it was bad math, but even so, the rates should be different between the two areas. Unless he was trying to undercut a competitor.
Still… something about the pricing was off. If anything, if Jake hadn't seen for himself that the drugs in question had been Adderall, he would have doubted if that was even the drug he was selling.
Jake frowned, pulling up his computer's server to check for any drug-related arrests in the colleges. As expected, the community college, which was frequented by lower income students, had significantly more busts - aka more policing - while the wealthier school had… wait.
It had none. Now, that wasn't that suspicious in a general sense - gated colleges always kept out of the NYPD's way - but considering how much product Wesner had been pushing, it just didn't make sense for there to be none.
As much product as his pricing claimed to be pushing compared to his bank records.
So, if there wasn't that much drug being put into the colleges as Wesner claimed… then that meant that he must be selling something else.
Jake frowned, re-checking the bank statements. Each deposit - seriously, who deposited their drug money into a bank? - seemed to go in odd numerical groupings.
Adderall was getting sold for $8/pill according to his spreadsheet. Once again, a spreadsheet? Come on, man. A bit of a lowball cost though, considering it could go for a lot higher with rich kids - especially during exam weeks. But, when he looked at the records, the deposits seemed to be varied. A lot of different numbers, but none of them were divisible by 8.
Jake would suppose it was an attempt to look less suspicious, but the guy didn't seem smart enough for that. Or, more likely, there was some sort of, 'buy one, get one half price' deal he had.
Jake frowned. Something about this seemed off. Now that he saw it, he couldn't seem to un-see it. He couldn't understand why someone would work their drug business the way Wesner did. Or what, if anything, Adderall was covering up for. Although, what could be the worse thing that Adderall would cover for?
Jake decided he was going to look further into this. He could get Wesner charged on the current ones, see if he would get nervous and flip on a competitor - or, whatever it was he was actually selling. If he was selling something different, anyway. Jake still wasn't convinced he was - but something did seem to be bothering him. He couldn't quite tell what - the numbers in the deposit looked somehow suspicious to him, and he couldn't tell
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| -0.063097 | -0.094095 | 0.265515 | -0.403116 |
how, just that they were.
Maybe he could let Wesner go without charging him, then see where he went? Wesner hadn't seen him yet, so he could still work a cover.
He wheeled his chair over to Rosa, who was typing away at her desk.
"Hey, Rosa, what're you doing?"
She looked over to glare at him. "Why."
"You want to work on this case with me?"
"We can go undercover at a college."
Rosa rolled her eyes. "No."
"Please?" Jake batted his eyelids at her.
Rosa sighed, pushing away from her desk.
"Yes!" Jake grinned, "You're the best!"
"Don't let Gina hear you say that." Rosa replied, even as her expression softened ever so slightly. Jake grinned back - their friendship had always been a weird one. She almost never acquiesced to anyone, but when he asked she would usually do it. However begrudgingly.
It was almost as if she felt pity-
Jake shoved that away with a gesticulation of his hand towards the Captain's office. "Let's go run it by Holt."
A couple weeks, and a lot of preparation later, they were doing it.
Jake slid between the drunken mass of collegiate kids, suppressing a grimace as sweaty skin brushed by him. No one seemed to notice his presence, and he tugged on the edge of his T-shirt uncomfortably.
Rosa nodded at him from across the room, red solo cup in her hand. The thumping music blared into Jake's head, pounding away.
He knew he had been the one to suggest this.
He was beginning to regret that.
Jake didn't like parties. Not like this. There were too many people. His eyes flitted across the room, but he couldn't see an exit through the masses of people. Any of them could be a threat. All of them could be a threat.
He tucked his arms into himself, managing to work himself to a wall that he promptly leaned against. A staircase led up towards a second floor, which did look a bit less crowded, but he wanted to be able to come across as just part of the crowd.
A passerby shoved a cup into his hand, and she giggled something slurredly wordless in his ear. Jake lifted it, pretending to take a sip, and the smell of jungle juice hit him.
Jake was drinking too much, way too much. It wasn't like he meant to. He was in high school, homecoming dance, and Jenny Gildenhorn was grinding away on some random guy like there wasn't a care in the world.
Maybe, for her, there wasn't.
There weren't a lot of dom girls in his class. And, sure, some of the guys were cute - Brandon Bliss especially -, but he was already the priss, he couldn't be the gay kid too. His life was hard enough.
So instead, Jake slammed back another beverage of questionable origins, and avoided looking at anyone. Not for the first time, he desperately wished he could have just stayed home. But his mom had been adamant, and now… he blinked, staring at his cup. It was empty. He should get a refill.
He walked over, bumping into someone.
"Oh, sorry." He muttered, stumbling away.
"Hey, it's alright." A warm voice said. Soft, sweet. Unusual to hear it that way towards him. "Looks like you're a bit of a lightweight, huh?" Her face swam into view. Her hand came up to hold his arm, steadying him. Her beautiful, painted nails brushed against his skin.
Oh, it was Kimmy. She was a dom - but he didn't really like her. She would mock Gina a lot for not 'picking a lane', and besides, he didn't like the way she would look at him. Like he was something to be pitied. She hated him, he was pretty sure.
Jake mumbled an apology, moving away, and she told him that he should really sit down, he looked pale.
He didn't think he did. Maybe she was drunk, too.
His limbs felt heavy.
Where was G
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.344462 | -0.982429 | -1.265001 | -1.227183 |
ina?
Jake lowered his cup, frowning down at it. Turning, he met Rosa's eyes - hers slid past him easily, continuing on to watch the crowd with a bored expression.
He glanced across the room, and noticed a particularly buff frat guy, who was leaning against the wall by the stairs. He looked like he was trying to be casual, but Jake could tell enough to tell that he was supposed to be a bouncer.
Jake sidled over to him.
"You got anything more fun than this?" He asked.
The guy raised an eyebrow. "You look a bit like a lightweight, buddy."
"I'm not talking about alcohol." Jake tried. "I'm looking for a… good time. And I've got the money for it. Is there a guy who can hook me up?"
The guy hesitated for another moment, before tilting his head. "I'll take you upstairs. We've got a guy with the goods."
Jake didn't look back, but he could feel Rosa's gaze on his back as he went up the stairs.
"So, which cutie are you looking to take down?" Buff guy asked.
"Uh?" Jake answered, confused. He didn't know what 'cutie' meant, in this context. Maybe it was a new slang or something.
"Right, right. The less I know, the better." Buff guy replied, waving his hand.
Jake frowned. The doors he walked past were all closed - various items of clothing hanging off of the doors haphazardly. He tried to ignore the sounds coming from behind them - the walls were sort of thin.
Buff guy stopped in front of a door with green shoes in front of it, knocking, and then opening it.
Jake prepared to walk in on people getting freaky, but instead, it was just Wesner, sitting on the bed. A massive bag was in front of him, and he seemed to be playing on his phone.
"He's a customer." Buff guy gestured to Jake.
"What do you want?" Wesner asked boredly, looking at him. No hint of recognition in his expression. Good.
"What do you have?" Jake countered.
Wenser shrugged. "Whatever man. You look like you need to bring the noise down, right?" He opened the bag, rummaging through it.
"I've got something that can do that for you real nice." He pulled out a baggie, holding it out for Jake to inspect.
Jake picked it up, turning it over in his hands. Pale green pills looked back up at him.
"What is it?" He asked - he could feel his nerves begin to rise as he swore he knew what it was before Wesner even answered.
"Subazepam, dude." Wesner shook the bag, seeming not to notice how Jake had gone completely still. "You gonna buy or…?"
Jake felt hands on his back. He was limp, he was so fucking limp, he couldn't even move he swore he couldn't even blink, couldn't even breathe. Nothing felt real, nothing was happening, he couldn't think there was nothing there and he could hear a sweet voice asking him if he was okay and all he could remember was some pretty painted nails rubbing his shoulder as he vomited in the bathroom.
"I told you you were a lightweight," Kimmy said with a worried smile. Her voice was sweet, and her dress was still as proper as ever. Her usually cruel expression was even more pitied than usual. She picked up the cup that he had put down, frowning down at it with an expression that looked like suspicion, before dumping it along with his stomach contents.
"Who gave this to you, Jake?" She asked, holding up the now-empty cup.
"I don't know-"
Her expression flickered with open irritation, even as pity seemed to be building up inside of her like a dam about to burst. "Tell me." She commanded.
The command dug into his already shaky brain, trying to rip out information that he just didn't know.
Jake threw up again.
"Yeah, yeah, I'll buy." Jake heard himself say. Wesner asked for $35 - which Jake handed over - and then the buff guy slapped Jake on
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| -0.000096 | -1.013575 | -1.218377 | -1.476364 |
the back encouragingly. Jake swayed forward slightly from it, flashing a tight grin to Wesner.
"Word on the street is you sell Adderall, too?" He asked.
"Yeah. But that's not what you need." Wesner replied with a shrug.
"Yeah. Yeah, you're right." Jake replied. "This is perfect."
He followed the buff guy out, walked down the stairs on automatic - tucking the baggie into his pocket as he went.
He walked past Rosa, tapping her on the wrist twice, before heading for the kitchen.
They'd mill for a bit, to avoid suspicion, then head out. The signal was that he had the trade.
He walked into the kitchen, which was thankfully less crowded. People were gathered in groups of a few, and he lingered along one wall. After a few minutes, a woman walked up to him, flashed him a grin and said, "You have a favorite hole, handsome?"
"Wh-" Jake sputtered, feeling his face go red.
"Donut hole, silly." She said, voice dripping with something that was definitely not about donuts. "We've got a variety pack." She leaned down against one of the counters, looking up at him through half-lidded eyes.
"I'm… not hungry." He said after a moment, trying to back his way out of the room.
She raised a carefully sculpted eyebrow. "Oh? I've got something to fix that." She pulled a piece of paper out from the top of her dress, scribbling down on it with a pen on the counter. She handed it to him, her hand lingering on his as she slid past. She craned her neck up to whisper in his ear. "For when you get an appetite."
Jake blinked as she left, looking down at the paper in his hand. It was her number, scrawled with little hearts.
He had a… well, he had Sophia already, and she seemed intoxicated - and very young - and he wasn't interested in general. But what bothered him most was that, well, she was a sub, wasn't she?
Jake frowned, one hand coming up to his neck. No, he hadn't suddenly turned into a dom - why people here seemed to think he was was beyond him. The buff guy, the woman… he wasn't dressed or acting particularly unusually, so it didn't make sense why everyone assumed he was.
Or, actually, no, it didmade sense. This was a frat party - frats usually only let in dom men, with the occasional token switch, and a sub man wouldn't go to one of these parties unless he wanted to get the shit beaten out of him. So it would be assumed he was a dom. The buff guy and Wesner certainly wouldn't have sold him the drugs if they thought he wasn't.
Wait. How many of the subs here even knew what was going on? Did she know that the frat house was dealing drugs that would put her under? Jake felt nauseous. He had walked by all of those rooms… were they all from this? Were any of them? He crunched the number in his hand, wishing he could run upstairs and just… make an arrest now.
But he couldn't. He couldn't and it wasn't fair.
If this was actually subazepam, it was so much bigger than this one frat house. Bigger than Wesner. This would require international smuggling. Probably a whole underground network. He couldn't blow it all just on the off chance of helping a few people. He wished he could call that woman back, warn her, tell her to take her friends and leave.
But he didn't.
Jake wanted to cry.
Jake rubbed at his face, wincing at the bruise that was forming. He couldn't remember getting it, but he had hit the ground pretty hard. That must have been why he was so disoriented and felt so weak. He was sitting at a chair on the side of the room, a cup full of water placed in his shaky hands by Kimmy.
He frowned as he looked around. Everything was sort of blurry. He still felt nauseous, but he didn't feel all… limp like he had before. Jake squinted - he had forgone his glasses for the sake of the party - and swore he could see Kimmy and G
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.184834 | -0.613858 | -0.938635 | -1.332168 |
ina speaking to one another. They were sworn nemeses, it wouldn't make sense for that to be the case.
He closed his eyes, and when he opened them back up, Gina was in front of him, plucking the cup from his limp hands, and Kimmy was nowhere to be seen.
Jake wished he could apologize for throwing up in front of her. That was gross.
Gina shook her head at him, seeming sad. He realized he wasn't sure if he had said that out loud or not. "It's alright, Jakey. Come on, let's get you home."
Jake went outside. The change was instant - the temperature dropping several degrees as the sheer body heat of a building crammed with college students faded away. It was instantly so much quieter, and Jake took a few steadying breaths. The polluted air was a welcome relief to the packed, heavy air of the frat house.
Jake walked down the steps, waiting outside as Rosa exited a few minutes after him. She was stumbling, walking in a crooked line, and Jake felt his pulse skyrocket for a moment - what if someone had drugged her? What if they'd- but then she turned to check behind her, and immediately straightened up, walking the rest of the way to the car without so much as a misstep.
"So?" She asked, turning so they were walking in lockstep towards the car, getting in. The interior light illuminating her bored-but-curious face.
"Subazepam." Jake said, cold seeping into his tone and turning his words to ice.
Rosa cursed under her breath. "Are you sure?"
Jake pulled out the bag silently, handing it to her. She lifted it up, studying it under the lamplight.
"Looks like it. Could be something else, though?"
If he didn't know any better, he would say she sounded hopeful.
"If this is back on the street…" Jake said slowly, "We've got a bigger problem than college campuses."
"Yeah." She muttered, handing it back to him. "Come on, let's make sure it is what Wesner claimed."
"It would explain his pretending it's Adderall. This is way more-"
"Let's just check first, okay?" Rosa snapped. Jake fell silent. "There's no point in speculating. If it's a problem, we'll take care of it. Until then, we aren't worrying about anything other than Wesner."
"Alright." Jake replied placatingly.
Rosa's expression was still stormy, but she didn't speak further. Instead, she just turned back to face the front of the car, starting up the engine and pulling out.
Jake turned the bag over in his hands. The little insignia pressed into it - a little smiley face, with its eyes closed - felt oddly familiar. It reminded him of the old subazepam trade - the main guy who distributed it had used to put smiley faces on his, too. But he was long since dead.
He frowned, shoving it into his pocket. He could worry about that later.
Jake didn't like how this case was turning out at all.
He tried to ignore the weight of guilt in his chest as they drove away - leaving all of the subs there to the mercy of a bunch of frat guys.
Jake was still holding that woman's phone number, crumpled, in his hand.
He was still half-tempted to call her, warn her. But he couldn't.
Jake put his hand in his mouth, biting down on it, closing his fist and shoving the scrap into his jeans pocket.
Rosa pressed down on the gas, accelerating the car. Pulling them away from the house faster.
"I know. I know, Jake. I know." She said, voice made of ragged steel. "I know. We can't stop it right now. I know."
Jake felt like he was about to cry - but Rosa always hated people getting emotional in front of her - so he pulled himself together, staring out the window at the passing billboards advertising submission and houses and sex and beer and burgers and abuse rights and lawyers and diamond collars and and and and.
Somewhere out there, this fucking drug was getting sold.
Jake
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CommonCrawl
| 0.372991 | -0.63008 | -0.875872 | -0.985592 |
wanted to scream.
He didn't.
He was so far in his head, he couldn't - he hated inaction. He always had.
But he couldn't do anything about it. This- this was so far out of his and Rosa's hands. The International Division was going to have to take this one over, that much he knew.
So now he was stuck with the knowledge of this drug being in circulation, but without any power to do anything. Or even say anything about it.
Sure enough, upon informing Holt of the situation, and handing over the evidence, Rosa and Jake were delayed while he made calls.
Rosa had her feet on the desk - Holt would probably have said something, except he seemed a bit preoccupied in the middle of a professionally-worded throwdown over the phone.
"Yes, that is the drug that my detective was informed of." A pause. "No. That is not relevant."
Jake raised an eyebrow, glancing at Rosa. She rolled her eyes at him, unfolding her arms to check her watch.
Jake checked his phone - it had been on silent - and felt his heart skip a beat. He had forgotten the day's date - he had made plans with Sophia.
He felt a thread of anxiety wrap around his throat, pulling tight - he clicked open his phone, to the few messages she had left him.
They had only gone out a couple times more since their… meeting in the courthouse. Jake didn't want her to think that he was flaky, or that he couldn't handle a bit of criticism. Besides, they'd had fun afterwards - she hadn't brought the court up, and he'd been more than happy to pretend it never happened.
Sophia was nice. She didn't pry too deep, and he was enjoying the camaraderie they had established. The intimacy was nice, too - she never made a fuss about him not doing subspace, and it was nice to feel… well maybe she judged a little, but it was nice to not have it be a dealbreaker.
Regardless, Jake didn't want to have her mad at him - he could feel his anxiety building just at the thought of it - so he opened his messages. Her texts were short. Telling him she was there, then asking if there was traffic, then that if something came up, they can reschedule. Lastly, a text, informing him that she was headed home.
The last one was sent recently. Jake typed a message apologizing, work had run late, he hadn't had access to his phone, he was so sorry, if they could reschedule that would be great, he was sorry-
"Peralta."
Jake jerked his head up to meet Holt's gaze. He could feel Rosa's eyes on him as well.
"Huh?" He asked dumbly, fingers stilling.
"I asked you to not disclose any information about this case. International is taking over."
"Yeah, yeah, no prob." Jake nodded, "Lips sealed, I get it."
Holt glanced down at Jake's phone, then back up at him. He paused for a moment. "Very well." He turned to face them both. "You may leave."
Rosa got up, Jake sending the text as he followed suit. She fell in step beside him.
"You want to grab drinks?" She asked. "I could use one."
Jake's phone lit up with a notification. Sophia had texted him back. An offer to spend the night, if his work was done.
"I… think I have plans." Jake said slowly, disappointed.
Rosa frowned. "Would you rather drink or fuck?"
"Honestly, I'd rather just sleep." Jake muttered.
"Then go home." Rosa's words were blunt, but her tone seemed to fall somewhere between kind and obvious.
Jake shrugged, trying to seem indifferent and probably missing by a mile. "I mean, I already made plans with Sophia that fell through, I don't want to… come off as being difficult."
Rosa's frown deepened. "She'd understand you needing time to yourself, wouldn't she?"
Jake hesitated for a moment too long before answering. "Yeah." He sounded unsure even to his own ears, so he repeated himself, more firmly. "Yeah, of course
|
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CommonCrawl
| 0.629753 | -0.795223 | -1.265001 | -1.008359 |
she would. I just want our relationship to succeed."
"Mm." Rosa replied noncommittally. She didn't seem pleased, but didn't try to stop him as he replied to Sophia with an affirmative that yes, he can come over. She crossed to her desk to adjust a stack of papers as he headed for the exit.
He felt her eyes on him as he left.
Jake didn't know why he felt so anxious about it.
so yeah this chapter is the introduction of an actual plotline for like... detective-y stuff?? there's going to be more info about it on the coming chapters to set it up (it's sort of backburner though, since this isn't a case-fic but it gives the characters something to do other than angst around lmao - although there will still be plenty of that, i promise :D
this chapter was a little rough because i was trying to transition between a big chunk of time, because i didn't really have anything plot/peraltiago-wise in that section. i hope it came out okay! as you can probably tell by the end of this chapter, the stuff with sophia is accelerating in the not-good-for-jake way - but it'll be fun (for you as the reader not for jake, poor boi) :)
anyways stan rosa <3
i do love comments btw :D
this chapter does get intense, heed the tags please :)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
The door opened to Sophia, whose expression was somewhere between exasperation and irritated acceptance. She was in a robe, which was tied closed.
"Jake," She said, "Glad you could make it."
"Yeah, me too." He replied, "I'm really glad you were still okay with us hanging out. I'm really sorry about cancelling, work just-"
"Come on inside." She interrupted, waving her hand generically and closing the door after him as he obliged, still talking.
"-Yeah, but I am really sorry, I was looking forward to us spending time together, and I know you probably were too, I'm really sorry-"
"Jake." She leveled her gaze at him - he fell silent. "I get it, you were busy. Apologizing won't change anything."
"Okay." Jake replied, rocking on his feet. "What, uh- what do you want to do?"
She shrugged. "It's a bit late, but there's still plenty of night left." The tone of her voice was edged towards sultry.
"I- I'm sort of tired, from work." Jake hedged, "Could we just… cuddle, or something?"
Sophia tilted her head. "You came to my house… to cuddle?" Sophia tilted her head. Something about the way she said the word, as if the idea of cuddling was such an absurd concept, made Jake regret asking- regret wanting it to begin with.
"... Yes." Jake answered meekly after a pause, feeling the all-too familiar warmth of embarrassment spread up his face.
"You're cute." She said, voice rich with a patronizing amusement, shaking her head. "Come on, we can lay down on the bed."
Jake followed after her, kicking off his shoes and removing his jacket. She laid down on top of the sheets, patting the spot beside her.
He laid down, and she shifted to get comfortable. One of Sophia's hands came up across his chest to his far shoulder, hand beginning to rub circles. She tucked her head against his neck, and slung one leg over his waist. They laid there in a mostly-amicable quiet - Jake would prefer if he had more movement, her limb positioning sort of restricted him from getting more cozy, which wasn't very conducive to rest, but he didn't want to disturb her if she was comfortable.
Sophia tilted her head, placing a kiss on Jake's neck. He blinked, exhaustion pulling his eyelids closed, but he didn't object. After a moment, she did it again, her hand continuing to rub at his shoulder.
He didn't say anything - if it made her happy, it was fine, he was too tired to really complain anyway. She was just trying to be
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.572016 | -1.395773 | -2.10423 | -1.342287 |
considerate.
But then Sophia shifted, rolling slightly over him, her leg slipping down to slot between his, and her other hand coming up to his side, her face above his own. She leaned down, placing a kiss on his lips, gently.
"Sophia," Jake began, a little confused - he was tired, he thought he had said that already? Maybe he wasn't clear before, that wasn't her fault if she misunderstood him - but she pressed her leg up, and his breath hitched on the end of her name.
"Mm," She murmured, "You're so pretty under me like this."
Jake brought up one hand, rubbing at his eyes - suppressing a yawn as he rose up on one elbow.
"Sophia, I'm really sorry, but-"
"It's okay. I already told you, apologizing for work going late won't change anything." She said, before capturing his mouth in another kiss when he tried to speak. While his mouth was occupied, her hand slid down his side to wrap around the top of his jeans.
Jake pulled his head away from her, feeling a curl of some sickly emotion begin to swirl through his veins. He didn't know what it was, or how to identify it, other than the vague reminder of Ethan's hand in his hair, holding him in place-
"Sophia. I'm tired. I'm not really in the mood for this." He said it as firmly as he dared - which wasn't very, considering he was too tired to really get worked up about it, and besides, she was his dom - being too oppository would be met with harsh retribution, and he didn't want that, either.
She sat back slightly, her leg stroking up between his legs as she did so. "Not in the mood? Is that really true," Her leg pressed, and he choked on a groan at the sensation.
"Yeah, it is." He replied anyway.
She sat back further, face flashing with irritation. She was still on top of him, and Jake wished that she wasn't - he didn't like being trapped when doms got angry.
"Seriously, Jake? I mean, why are you here? We planned to do this tonight anyway, and you cancelled on me for everything else but still show up now? You led me on to think that something more was going to happen than there was."
"I'm sorry," Jake said guiltily - phrased like that, he could understand how she could have felt misled by his actions. It was his responsibility to be more clear about what he wanted. "I really just wanted to cuddle-"
"If I had known you just wanted to cuddle and small talk, I would've just gone to bed." She said hardly, before abruptly softening, her hand coming up to stroke his cheek gently. "I had a really stressful day, and looking forward to this was the only thing that got me through it."
Jake hesitated. He felt poorly - he had basically come over under false pretenses, since he hadn't said he wanted to just cuddle. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to let you down. I just… I want to, too. I'm just really tired, I don't think I could do a very good job."
Sophia leaned down, giving him another kiss. Her voice was soft. "That's okay, I can do all the work. You don't have to do anything, I'll take care of us."
Jake hesitated. He didn't really want to - he was exhausted, the news of subazepam and the party scene having drained him of pretty much every ounce of energy he had, mentally or physically - but he also really didn't want to let Sophia down.
"Jake." She said, voice sharpening on his name, before softening just as quickly. "I really want this."
"Okay." He said finally. Who was he, after all, to deny his dom her wants? He was her sub, his body was just as much - if not more so - hers than his.
Sophia smiled, bright and wide. She gave him another kiss. "I'm glad." She said cheerfully, before undoing her robe, tossing it aside. She was wearing a lingerie top underneath, a pretty red thing that was clearly
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 1.275055 | -0.929868 | -2.007396 | -1.447272 |
designed for a dom to wear - minimal straps, and more sheer silk than lace - that accentuated her assets.
She pulled off his shirt - "No buttons this time," She commented with a smile, "Makes it quicker to get to the fun part." - and then slid off his jeans and boxers, along with his socks.
Sophia sat back, resting on his thighs to look him over appraisingly. "Mm." She hummed approvingly, "You really are cute like this." She raised an eyebrow at his only slightly involved cock. "Well, almost." She bent down, wrapping her lips around it, using her tongue with the sort of efficiency that Jake had always strove for whenever Ethan had grabbed his hair and pushed him down to his knees-
Jake blinked that memory back, and Sophia didn't react to him, so he doubted he had given any outward indication of his thoughts.
She pulled off with a satisfied smile, his body's reaction apparently meeting her requirements. She pulled out a condom and a container of lube from her drawer, unwrapping and uncapping them respectively, sliding the condom on.
"Like I said, Jake, don't worry about a thing. I'll take care of everything." Her voice was gentle, even as she worked her hand up and down his cock.
With that, she scooted up, aligned her body with his, and slid down. She waited for a moment, shifting slightly to get comfortable, before - still fully seated - bending down in an impressive feat of flexibility and giving him a kiss.
Then, she straightened back up, her hands on either side coming to grab his hips. Her legs braced on either outer side of his. And then she was moving, and oh fuck-
Jake groaned without meaning to, the sensation tearing through his sheer exhaustion with a spike of pleasure that, somehow, just made him feel even more tired. He silenced himself just as quickly, swallowing back the urge to make any noise.
Sophia set a pace for herself. Jake supposed that, should he be more invested, the sight of his dom bouncing up and down on his cock would be a lovely one to behold. As it was, he just sort of… wasn't engaged enough to care, at the moment. He probably should be.
It was really too bad, too, since it was so rare that a dom would ride him without his being restrained in some way. Jake understood the reasoning - he was a sub, he was meant to be enjoyed, and whatever made the dom enjoy him more was how it would be - but that didn't mean there weren't times he wanted to be able to reach up and hold his dom's hips, to touch them because he wanted to instead of just when they wanted him to.
And now, here was the opportunity right in front of him, and he just didn't want to do it. It was such a waste, and it was all his fault for not wanting to hold her right now, even though he might not get the opportunity again-
Jake drowned out those thoughts by focusing on the sound of Sophia's heavy breathing and her moans of pleasure.
He felt something akin to pleasure form in his own gut - the physical sensations were definitely making his body react, even as his brain kept wandering..
Apparently his body was more attentive than his brain was, though, as his hips suddenly twitched up to join with her motions.
"Mm, I knew you'd get into it once we got started," Sophia said breathily, as she rolled down her hips, making his body flex up again. Her hands were on his hips, but one thumb was pressing up against her clit, adding stimulation as she moved.
Jake's body was experiencing pleasure - and Sophia certainly was.
Her breathing was steadily becoming more ragged, and her hip movements more shaky. After a few moments, her breath caught, hands clenching down on his hips, fingernails digging in almost painfully, as she rode through an orgasm.
Jake can't help but feel a bit hopeful - now that she'd gotten off, maybe it would be over. He really just wanted to get to cuddle, or even just straight-up sleep at this point. He was so tired.
But his hopes were quickly dashed when she instead
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2012
] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 1.007425 | -0.676881 | -1.620059 | -1.805232 |
merely paused for a few moments to catch her breath, before resuming once more.
His heart sank, even as his hips jerked spasmodically up to hers. Sure, he hadn't gotten off yet, but he didn't even care - he just wanted it to be over. What was he supposed to do to make this be over? Jake hated how hard it was for him to breath all of a sudden - it was probably just his body getting worked up from the sex, though, even if it felt a bit like there was a band wrapped around his chest and pulling tight. He focused on his breathing, not wanting to get too out of breath, and, though the tightness lingered, his breathing eased up a bit.
Sophia was halfway to her second orgasm when she finally clued him in.
"Jake, come on, I want us both to finish." She said, rolling her hips deliberately.
Jake swallowed back the groan that threatened to escape at that action, his body by now wanting nothing more in that moment than to continue on this current sexual path to its finish. And besides, his brain reasoned, its goal was to get to sleep. And if cumming was what he had to do to get to that goal, then, well… he should get on it. Or, get off, to be exact.
So, Jake gave in to the physicality. He focused his brain, what little bit of it was still functioning, onto the sensation of her riding him, allowing his body to react the way it was trying to, even though it lacked the energy to.
Now that he knew what she wanted to have this end, he had no problem getting there - Jake came, biting down on his lip to the point of blood to avoid making a sound, a short while after she hit her second.
Sophia slid off of him. Even out of breath, she was able to flash him a broad smile. "See? Once we got started, you had plenty of fun. I promised I'd do the work."
Jake nodded once. "Yeah," He said, throat feeling oddly closed off, "Thank you." He said it automatically - he wasn't sure what exactly it was he was grateful for, probably her 'doing the work', even though a part of him also thought that his gratefulness came from its conclusion. But that would be ungrateful, and he wasn't an ungrateful sub - he wasn't.
"Of course. That's what doms are for, right? To know what the sub needs - even if they don't know it themself." Sophia patted his side patronizingly.
Jake nodded - he wasn't sure she needed a response from him. That sort of thing was common knowledge, after all - the basis for most romance movies, certainly - and besides, Ethan had never said something like that to him, he'd always said the sub's needs were irrelevant. So Sophia must be in the right then, if what she said was different.
That didn't explain why he felt so bad, though.
Sophia finished putting everything away, and then laid down beside him, tucking herself against him in something akin to a hug.
Despite it being the one thing Jake had wanted with her out of the night, he found that he didn't want to lay here beside her.
"I should take a shower." Jake said suddenly, shifting to dislodge himself from the bed. Her arm around him tightened slightly. Not enough to truly prevent him from leaving, but he stopped anyway - it was a command, regardless of it being unverbalized.
Sophia rolled over slightly, pushing her hair out of her face to look up at him through half-lidded eyes. "Worry about it tomorrow. We should both get some sleep."
"No, it's going to be itchy." Jake shook his head, "And I'm all sweaty and stuff from work."
Sophia just made a noise, letting go of him so he could get out of the bed.
Jake trekked over to the shower - he felt shaky, oddly enough, like his muscles weren't quite in control of themselves. He turned on the shower, stepping into its too-hot spray with a sigh of relief.
The water almost burned on his skin, and he relished it.
Jake didn't know why he felt so off. Sophia had been nice, she had made him feel good, everything should be fine. But
|
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CommonCrawl
| 0.739794 | -0.897424 | -1.885456 | -1.547197 |
something was pressing at the corner of his brain, and he was too afraid to poke at it - doing that tended to turn up Ethan, and he would rather avoid that.
Sophia had been good to him. She had.
His eyes burned and Jake realized, with a start, that he was crying.
Why was he crying?
It must be from the exhaustion. That was why he was shaking still too. Probably.
Jake covered his mouth - he needed to make sure not to make noise. If Sophia heard him crying, he'd be making her feel like he didn't appreciate her enough, and that would make her mad.
Jake didn't want to make his dom mad.
He knows what happens when he makes his dom mad.
Ethan's belt coming down onto his back, he was making Jake count them out but the numbers had lost all meaning by now - Jake trying so hard not to make any noise but he never was very good at that, and whenever a whimper did escape his throat, it only ever made Ethan angrier-
Jake closed his eyes, then reopened them, staring at the shampoo bottle label until he was able to force himself to stop crying - a skill he had picked up that he was able to execute with some level of proficiency, so long as he caught himself early enough, while he still had some composure.
His eyes probably looked a little red, but he could lie and say he got shampoo in them, if Sophia asked. That's what he used to say when Ethan asked. Of course, then Ethan had joked about tying Jake down and doing it himself, which had been fine until he wasn't joking-
But that didn't matter. Sophia wouldn't do that.
Jake regretfully turned off the shower, drying off and looking around, before remembering he didn't have his clothes with him - that seemed to make him almost irrationally distressed, he sort of wanted a barrier between his skin and the rest of the world. There wasn't any, though, so he left the bathroom, reentering the bedroom where Sophia was lying there, still awake but clearly approaching sleep.
He really didn't want to lay back down in her arms. The thought hit him like a truck. His whole body felt itchy, as if there was something wrong with his skin - maybe that was just from the hot water, though-, and he felt vaguely nauseous.
But there was no reason to feel like that, Jake told himself harshly. Sophia had been very kind, she had done all the work and she had made- she had let him come, and besides, even if it hadn't been how he'd wanted- how he'd planned the night, his role was to make her feel good regardless. He was her sub.
Jake walked over to the bed, laying down and letting her pull him into her, wrapping herself around him once more.
Thankfully, she hadn't noticed his moment of hesitation - that would raise questions as to his reasons for not going to her the instant he was available to - which came as a relief.
Jake closed his eyes, and wished for sleep to take him away from here. And that, when he woke up, he would stop feeling so off.
Sophia's arm tightened around him as she shifted, tucking herself closer against him, her skin pressed against his, and Jake could feel a slight bolt of anxiety - before it just made him all the more tired.
Excerpt from: "The US's History of Controversial Drugs" by William Copper, author and journalist
Supazepam was part of the Benzodiazepine drug class. Similar to other azepams, it's primary purpose, and official marketing, was as a hypnotic and sedative. It's chemical makeup, and effect, is very similar to Flunitrazepam - also known as Rohypnol - with a few specific modifications.
As the name may indicate, the target demographic of subazepam is subs. This drug is known for causing subs to approach subspace, as well as all related factors of subspace - for instance, commands become more effective, the sub often becomes more complacent, and more outwardly submissive. Some subs do move entirely into subspace with the administration of this medication. However, this must be closely monitored, due to the adverse effects.
Adverse effects include amnesia, loss of
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.693604 | -0.632676 | -1.296383 | -1.074133 |
consciousness, bradycardia - the slowing of the heart - and, most critically perhaps of all, the sub can fall very quickly into drop during the subspacing process. This is true of natural subspaces, however this medication has a significantly higher risk of this occurring - an approximately 70% chance of drop occurring, either during or after administration, as opposed to the estimated 4-5% of drop for non-medicated subs, a number that is decreased from previous studies with the implementation of aftercare education.
This data is, of course, skewed by uncontrolled variables. Most non-medicated subspace occurs with a dom or other partner, while the administration of subazepam that this percentage is based off of is most often used for medical procedures.
Subazepam causes extreme nausea in doms, due to the chemicals that affect subs' so strongly. It's use in switches, specifically switch women, for orientational correction - the attempt of some to move switches further towards or away from their sub or domness, the shift attempt usually based on perceived gender role - is met with heavy criticism, both from advocates and scientists who find its effectiveness doubtful.
Subazepam is no longer sold within most countries, and is illegal in the United States among other drugs, including Rohypnol, with the majority of the countries that still use it being in Europe. The rationale behind its disuse comes from the risk of drop being considered more serious now than in the past, and that other benzodiazepines are just as effective for the purposes of medical procedures.
Sub drop was not considered a genuine health concern until more recent years, and is still a disputed, and often political discussion among the majority of countries, which could be one indicator for the shift away from its usage. However, the more likely reasoning for this change is that subazepam has come under intense scrutiny for its use as a "date-rape" drug, in which a dom uses its sedative and subspace qualities to coerce a sub into engaging in sexual activity with the dom.
This crime is severely underreported, due to the amnesiac aspect of the medication, as well as other factors that could cause a sub not to come forward.
Some spokespeople for the medication defend that this drug does not 'force' subs to do anything, and that the lawsuits against their company are not valid.
"This drug does not cause these feelings of… of submission, of sexuality, you must understand - it merely exposes the feelings that the sub already has. To blame a medication for doing this, it would, it would set a precedent that would open every single alcohol company to being litigated, too! [a pause] It's not our responsibility what subs want, or if our product lowers inhibition and - I hate to say it, but - emboldens them to act on those wants." (quote from Johnson Smith, lawyer for Rochester Pharmaceuticals) The case has since been dropped.
Regardless, activists and politicians have decried its usage, for sub rights and for the health risks associated with drop, respectively. Since its being made illegal in 1995, there have been several major drug operations broken up that had been illicitly distributing subazepam. Street versions of this drug can often be cut with other medications, such as fentanyl, which can prove lethal. The approximation of subazepam-related overdoses has increased in recent years, as the ability to acquire the medication has become more difficult with the lack of a major ring.
A recent, anonymous study conducted in 2012 has been recently hitting the headlines, as it claimed to find that over 84% of doms would consider using subazepam on their sub. However, this study neglected to mention that their questionnaire was conducted on popular internet site [redacted upon demand from website] and localized entirely within a singular 'community', whose summary was listed as:
"Real doms take control, and real subs know to be grateful for it. We teach doms how to treat their property. SOme [sic] content may be nsfw. Trolls and 'sjws' will be blocked!"
This [redacted website]'s community has since become closed.
Additionally, this study has been unsuccessfully corroborated, due to the difficulty in getting participants to disclose their opinions, based on the nature of the questions. This lack of repeatability has led some to claim that this study is entirely fabricated, and others
|
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CommonCrawl
| -0.063883 | 0.992151 | 0.854589 | -0.067291 |
to claim that it is entirely indisputable.
Looking back through this drug's tumultuous history, it can be difficult to believe that it was created so recently as the 1950s. Some critics of the medication suppose that it is beneficial that this medication was not in existence during the same time as 'hysteria' being a medical diagnosis among the female population, given the misuse of sub-oriented medications for that purpose in the 1800s.
Some activists in recent years have criticised other mood stabilizing medications, particularly anti-anxiety and anti-depression medications, as being intentionally constructed to encourage docility among subs. A side effect of many of these drugs are risk for accidental subspace or drop, however critics say it is wholly unintentional, and more correlated to the hormones and chemicals that the drug effects in order to alleviate the condition.
The majority of drug clinical studies being conducted on doms could be correlated to the issue of sub-related issues being so prevalent in the majority of medications. This is something that the United States government's FDA [Food and Drug Administration] has taken steps to rectify, by encouraging studies to include subs. However, without the regulations to enforce this, it is easier for pharmaceutical companies to continue their current method of clinical study than open themselves to this new avenue for potential litigation.
The average American sub will never encounter subazepam in their life, unless they were to travel abroad to Europe and then require a surgical procedure. Still, the fear of this drug pervades within sub communities, based in large part with the belief that the police system allows the drug trade to occur, or even aids the drug operation. This mistrust stems from the historical disregard for assault charges brought by subs, as well as dozens of high-profile subazepam scandals from officers within departments across the country, including upper-ranking officers in the Detroit PD, Jacksonville PD, and New York PD.
One activist, 24 year old Olivia Nguyen, in a protest against the NYPD's refusal to fire Captain Wilson in 2004, said on the topic of subazepam,
"We [subs] just don't feel safe! How can we? When this shit is supposedly impossible to get, but half my fucking friends have gotten it slipped in their drink? I'm tired of it all - I shouldn't have to watch my drink! It's not- [chokes up] It's not fair. We just want to be safe."
Olivia Nguyen was found dead from a drug overdose two weeks later, which her family claimed was done by a perpetrator. Her case was not investigated by the NYPD, and was ruled a suicide by the coroner. Her words, and her death, became the rallying cry that grew the movement, eventually resulting in Captain Wilson being fired from the NYPD, and investigated by an ethics board. He was found guilty of misuse of evidence, but was found not guilty of the sexual assault of his seventeen accusers, whose names are not reported here.
No systemic change occurred as a result of this action, as no police officer was ever convicted of sexual assault through the use of subazepam, and no federal legislation was passed on this issue, due to the partisan nature of the bill.
One political party favored the bill, while the other contested that, as the drug was illegal, such legislation was unnecessary and redundant.
One politician, Michael White of Alabama, said in a 2004 press conference interview that,
"While I feel for subs who have been negatively impacted by what they believe to be subazepam, I will not have subs in my state running around blaming every single bad decision they make on 'Oh, I couldn't help it, I was drugged'. That's an excuse that's going to be lobbed at every dom they have a bad hookup with, or every time they fight with their partner. It's pointless, there's no need for it. We don't need a few- I hate to say it, but whorish subs- causing chaos in our community."
Michael White's stance is shared by many on his side of the aisle…
Hands were running through his hair, and it should've felt nice but it hurt, and he swore his skin was made of ice and he was sh
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.166834 | 0.435401 | 0.744305 | -0.253228 |
aking why was he shaking- was he crying or was there water? He couldn't tell and it wasn't like anyone was going to tell him- and someone was speaking unintelligibly and the sound of their voice - or maybe what they were saying? - made his brain hurt and the hands weren't in his hair they were on his chest and he swore he couldn't breath, but it was fine, everything was fine, he didn't need to breath right now anyway - and he couldn't move his arms, he could feel the heat from them as they bled red from whatever it was that made it so he couldn't move them and it didn't hurt, because everything was cold and he was shaking too hard to notice anyway- but the red was interesting because everything else was so gray but the hands weren't gray and they were touching him and he didn't know whether to lean into their warmth and shy from the pain he knew would come so he did neither and just stayed still as a hand touched his shoulder and squeezed it, the voice saying something more-
Jake woke up with a start, half-rising before groaning and falling back down into bed. His muscles were horrifically stiff, and every single one of them ached - probably from being tensed all night. He could vaguely recall a dark feeling of having had a dream, but it was fading as he tried to grasp onto it. He was pretty sure there was water involved, but he couldn't remember.
"Hey Jake," He heard a voice - Sophia - say. He tried to turn his head, but his neck was screaming pain and he opted to roll to the side to face her.
"Morning." He said, before falling silent - the sight of her seemed to make him anxious, an odd little bit of wariness poking through his mental fog - but she just smiled at him and patted his arm.
"I'll go make us breakfast."
Jake sat up, biting back the groan of pain that tried to escape, carefully trying to move.
"What's with the stiffness?" Sophia joked, "I was the one who got fucked, as I recall."
"Yeah, yeah, I just… I guess I slept weird." Jake wished he could take those words back - what if she thought he was saying it was a problem with her bed, or sleeping with her, or-
Sophia nodded. "Ah, I get it. Feel free to stretch around, I'm going to go get some eggs going."
Jake felt guilty - of course she wasn't mad - he was just feeling anxious from his dream, there was no reason to feel anxious and scared. She wasn't a bad person, not like how Ethan was, so there was nothing to worry about.
He stretched as best he could - he didn't want to take too long and make her wait - and yanked on his clothes before he joined her in the kitchen, his muscles still achingly tight.
Sophia gave him a smile, gesturing to the coffee machine with a spatula. "Grab us both a cup, would you?"
Jake did, dumping an unhealthy amount of sugar into his, and one packet into hers. He put them both on the counter, leaning against it.
"Need a hand?" He asked.
"Not particularly." She replied, turning to half-face him. "I got some toast on."
"Cool." Jake nodded, letting the silence rise up - he wasn't sure what to say to her, suddenly.
Sophia clicked off the stove, making them plates. She took a sip of the coffee, and gave an approving nod - Jake felt a surge of happiness, glad that he could do something good for her.
"So," She said, reaching into her pants pocket - she had put on clothes at some point too, it seemed -, "You want to tell me what this is?" Her voice was calm.
It was the phone number.
Jake blinked. "That's from work."
"A coworker gave you this?" Her voice was still chill, but Jake felt his anxiety rocket even higher.
"No, no, it's from a case I'm working. It could be useful as an informant. Besides," He added, "She's a sub, it's not like- I wouldn't do that to you."
"Mm." She made a noncommittal noise, still looking at
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.53058 | -1.025904 | -1.462256 | -0.999505 |
him silently.
Jake felt his pulse pick up - she didn't seem mad but he was scared, he was so fucking scared and he didn't know why-
The feeling of door plaster giving way against his back, the sound of breaking wood momentarily drowning out the voice screaming at him, but not the feeling of the hands clenched on his arms, holding him down as his skin dug into the wooden shards, fingers pressing down so hard that he could feel his shoulders twisting in their sockets, but it was his fault anyway, he should've said he was going out with Rosa-
"Jake." Sophia said - he snapped his head up to meet her gaze, as his had at some point shifted towards the floor. She looked irritated, and he mentally berated himself for slipping like that - he couldn't be spacing out in the middle of conversations, especially not to his dom.
"Sorry," He said automatically, feeling his body achingly tense up. "I didn't- I really didn't mean to worry you-"
"I wasn't worried." Sophia replied immediately, "I just wanted to know who gave the number to you."
"A sub, from a case. That's all." Jake tried to be as open as possible, even though he - illogically - wanted to just turn and run. "Please, believe me."
Sophia tossed the paper aside.
"Well," She said, turning off the stove and putting the eggs onto plates, "I want to believe you." She turned around, leaning back against the counter. "Really, I do." A sigh, then, "But I'm just not sure I can."
Jake swallowed - his mouth suddenly felt dry, and he felt, in that moment, like prey being stalked down - the urge to turn and flee almost overpowering. The only thing that kept him rooted to the spot was the knowledge that, if he did, Sophia would think he was lying, and then she would certainly never believe him.
"I'm telling the truth." He said shakily - she still looked so calm, and that scared him.
Ethan was calm, too - Jake would do something bad and Ethan would give him a look and then be calm and normal the rest of the day but Jake would know that he was angry, that he was going to be punished, going to be hurt, and then every time once they were alone-
They were alone now.
Jake was afraid. He was pretty sure he was shaking - one hand on the table behind him to try to keep himself grounded, his other one wrapped around himself in a pantomime of protection - and he hated himself for seeming so weak.
"Are you?" Still so calm, but she pushed off of the counter and was stepping towards him. "How do I know? How do you prove it to me?"
Jake's eyebrows furrowed. "I don't- what do you want me to do?" He hated how confused he sounded, even to his own ears.
One of her hands reached out to hold his shoulder - not even tightly, but his body still sent the warning signs of remembered pain radiating out - and she gave him a look of mixed sadness and condescension.
"Poor thing," She said, "Do you need my guidance for everything?"
Jake didn't know how to reply to that - to say yes was a lie, to say no was disrespectful - but thankfully she didn't give him the opportunity.
"I can't have people thinking you don't belong to me," She said, other hand coming up to his face, "I need you to let me prove that you're mine." Her hand slid down to touch against his neck.
Jake froze. "I don't wear collars." He said. His voice came out steady, even as he could feel his insides turn to jelly.
Jake was proud of himself for saying it so firmly - the benefits of practicing in a mirror for hours upon hours until he could say it without an apology on his tongue - but as Sophia withdrew her hand, looking disappointed, his moment of pride was immediately washed away by intense guilt. He had made his dom feel badly - he had nothing to be proud of for that.
"I'm sorry." He added after a pause. So much for holding strong. He had already told her before, he wasn't sure how she had forgotten. "I can'
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.745228 | -0.394532 | -1.551917 | -1.086782 |
t- not now."
Sophia smiled tightly. "See what I mean? I ask for so little from you, just the basics of being my sub - subspace, collar - and you can't oblige. How do I know that you truly belong to me?"
Jake would have, if he felt bolder, said that he didn't belong to anyone. But he was not bold, he was tense and afraid - afraid of upsetting his dom any further, afraid of being worthy. She was right, though, of course she was right. He knew he was broken, he knew he couldn't be who doms wanted him to be, but it cut deep into him to have it pointed out so casually.
"I'm sorry." He apologized - what more could he do, after all? He couldn't fix it, all he could do was ask for her forgiveness for his crime of being damaged goods.
"I understand." She said simply. "It will take time before we get to that point. But I still need to prove you're mine now. You understand that, right?"
Jake nodded immediately. He didn't understand, not really - his pulse was pounding in his ears and she was very close to him, almost too close, which didn't make sense because she had been closer last night. Although for some reason remembering that made him feel worse, he wasn't sure why-
Hands on his skin that he didn't want to be there, why wasn't he leaving he wanted to leave but he was supposed to stay so he had to-
Jake felt Sophia's body pressed against his, and when had he sat back onto the tabletop? He couldn't remember doing that - but then the feeling of the press of the table was the least of his thoughts because her mouth was on his neck. Jake choked on a word that he wasn't even entirely sure what it was supposed to be, shoving it down and trying not to think on what it was he wanted to say.
He was good at being quiet, he was good at being quiet-
"Fun night, huh?" One of the 125's detectives - Preston Smith - asked, leaning against the table, eyes fixed on the heavy, purpling hickeys that dotted Jake's neck just above his collar.
Jake's face was red, and he stared down at his paperwork, wishing he could be anywhere else. "None of your business."
"Yo, Ethan!" Preston turned, "I don't know how you deal with your sub - he's got such a mouth on him."
Ethan looked up, flashing a grin. "He knows when to be quiet."
"God, have you thought about including that during briefings? He never shuts up then." Preston spoke over Jake's head, like he wasn't there. Jake was grateful - he didn't like how people looked at him, here. Like he was property, or something to be ogled. It was better when they treated him like property - if Ethan caught them looking, Jake would be punished for it later. He was the only sub in this precinct, after all, and Ethan had said he didn't want Jake to lead anyone on about his availability. As if the collar around his neck wasn't enough of a signal to that already. Jake felt a bitterness edge on his tongue, and he shoved it down mercilessly - it wasn't Ethan's fault that doms would bother him. It was his own.
"Ah, voyeurism's not my thing." Ethan joked. "Maybe a cat will show up and do it for you."
Preston let out a laugh, before heading off towards evidence.
Ethan's gaze fell to Jake's, and his grin vanished, fixing Jake with a Look.
"Why didn't you tell him you enjoyed last night, Jake? Are you embarrassed to be known as my sub?" His voice was light.
Jake shook his head quickly. "No, not at all, I just- I thought you wanted to be private about it." He didn't tack on a sir at the end - at work they didn't, that was a departmental rule that Ethan had begrudgingly agreed to comply with.
"If I wanted it to be a secret I wouldn't have given them to you." Ethan sighed, "Honestly, Jake, you can be so clueless."
He leaned over,
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.684094 | -0.671285 | -1.39232 | -1.341022 |
looping a finger through Jake's collar to pull him over their desks for a kiss.
Jake tried to ignore the fact they were at work - thankfully Preston had been the only other person around this early in the day, and he was off somewhere, but he still hated the fact it was at his job. Ethan preferred leaving marks for people to know Jake was his, rather than doing them in front of people, a fact for which Jake was immeasurably grateful.
"Now, Jake," Ethan said, sitting back but not letting go of the collar, so that Jake was forced to stay half-leaned over his desk, one hand gripping the table to keep himself from falling over. "He makes a point though. Be quiet for a bit, okay?"
Ethan gave him another look. His grip pulled on the collar infestiminally, and Jake felt the pressure around his neck constrict for a moment. "Be quiet for a bit, okay?" He repeated sharply, voice tonally much more a command.
Jake was silent. The command hit him hard - along with the shame of making such a stupid mistake - and he doubted he could have spoken if he'd wanted to.
Ethan smiled, then, and let go - Jake pulling back to sit fully behind his desk once more.
"Good, Jake." Ethan said - and Jake felt a surge of pride at the praise, wiping away his feeling of wrongness from his error. He could be quiet - he knew how to do that. He could be good for Ethan. He was going to be good.
Teeth scraping against his skin jolted Jake into awareness, to Sophia giving a last few sloppy kisses against his neck, before pulling back and placing a kiss on his lips.
Sophia looked him over, seeming satisfied.
"You really are so cute." She said after a moment, "And you're mine."
Jake didn't reply. The words felt sticky on his skin, and he hated that he didn't love to hear it, didn't relish the words like the gift they were clearly intended to be.
The words, spoken from a different mouth, a different voice, Amy's vo- no, that wasn't fair to either of them, any of them. That wasn't the path to go down. That wasn't right.
Jake brought up one hand to numbly touch at the slightly damp, sore patch of skin on his throat that was certainly bruised to hell.
Sophia kissed him. "I'm glad that you let me prove how I can trust you."
Jake nodded, and she rubbed his shoulder before turning around to pick up their plates.
"Oh, they've gone from hot to warm." She said, "Let's get into these before they go cold."
Jake slid off the table, getting the toast for them both - grabbing the paper with the woman's number and slipping it back into his pocket - and joining her. He, oddly, felt like if he tried to speak he would suffocate on his own words.
He found himself eager to leave - telling himself that it was just because he really wanted to get back to work, and for no other reason at all.
Breakfast went quickly - Sophia had places to be as well - and the pair walked out together, parting ways at their respective vehicles. She didn't seem to mind his silence.
Jake didn't realize how tense he had been until he sat down in his car, closing the door. His entire body seemed to deflate, his shoulders coming down from around him and his jaw unclenching. He caught a glance of his reflection in the rearview mirror and grimaced at the - thankfully not overly massive - hickey on his neck. Far too high to cover up with his shirt's collar, though. He hated that, he didn't want to go to work like that.
Jake didn't hold it against Sophia, though. He'd do - or let her do - anything to prove to her that she could trust him, even if he was all fucked up.
Ethan had made sure that no dom would ever love him, not really. Broken him so far that he couldn't be cared for by anyone except himself. And Jake had left him anyway.
Not for the first time, Jake wondered if he had made the right decision in leaving.
He knew he had, he knew he had!
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 1.065842 | -0.98762 | -1.702548 | -1.41818 |
He knew it the instant it even crossed his mind, and certainly before. It was better to be alone than with Ethan, he knew that, he completely truly did! But that didn't mean he didn't long to just be with someone, and to just be enough.
He was with Sophia now, but he knew that he wasn't going to be enough. Not unless he was willing to put on a collar, go into subspace, do all the things he just couldn't do.
A cruel part of him whispered that, actually, he could, if he tried. It was easy to do it, easy to fall down into space, easy to let someone wrap something around his throat. The only thing stopping him was himself, because he was a coward. Because he was scared of someone who wasn't even there.
But that wasn't true, Jake reminded himself. It wasn't.
Ethan was still very much there. He couldn't help but feel like he was right behind him, at that moment, about to reach out and-
Jake turned over his car engine. He was going to work. He wasn't going to entertain idle fantasies of being good enough for anyone, or stupid self-scares about his ex.
He told himself he was turning around to back out of his parking space, and that his gaze wasn't flitting to the car seat behind him.
Jake was fine. His and Sophia's excursion had been fine. He was going to work, where he was going to continue to be fine.
uhhhhh so this was a chapter! it's a bit ~intense~ like i said. it's also stupid long, like almost 8k words??? why did i do this to myself lmao. also idk if the hickey portion made the most sense, i really want to get the 99 team up in arms + show how controlling she was getting :)
also i really liked writing how jake was trying to mentally compensate for all the shit he's going through with just buckets of rationalization, it's an interesting dive to explore :D
please feel free to leave comments!! i love them very much <3
Jake couldn't bring himself to meet anyone's gaze. His shoulders hunched up around his ears, hoping that no one would notice the reddish purple mark on his neck - marking him out as a sub, as fucked.
He didn't mind occasionally chatting about his sex life with the rest of the team, when everyone else was as well, so long as it was kept superficial - the idea of anyone wanting to talk to him about this, though, sent an involuntary shudder up the back of his spine.
Jake didn't know why he was so… on edge about the whole thing. Or why the hickey was bothering him - Ethan used to practically cover him in them and he had never protested then.
Well. Actually, he hadn't really cared for it then, either, but hadn't dared say anything oppository. And it wasn't like he was protesting it - he hadn't refused it, after all. But still, the fact that it had been ingrained in him to not hide them… and yet here he was, anxiously walking through the bullpen and wishing he had thought to grab a scarf.
Unless that would have upset Sophia.
Just thinking about her being upset made him feel vaguely uneasy - maybe because he wanted her to be happy?
The thought didn't ring true, even to himself, and he felt that little something in his mind - the one that he didn't want to poke because of the reminder of Ethan associated with it - seem to fill just a little bit more space. Somehow, something in his brain was trying to connect a similarity between Ethan and Sophia, and he refused to entertain the idea for even a moment.
Sophia had been kind to him. She had done nothing to hurt him.
But Ethan had been kind to him once, too, Jake found his own mind arguing against itself. He shut that thought process down, hard, feeling slightly nauseous. No, no, it was best not to think about that.
He had just gotten to his desk when Rosa put her booted foot up on it, leaning down on her leg to give him her normal glare.
"Morning, Rosa," Jake said, giving a smile - he felt like it was strained, but wasn't quite sure how to get rid of it.
"
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.550958 | -0.99346 | -1.817314 | -1.554786 |
Did you go to Sophia's place?" She asked.
Such a… well, social comment was unusual for Rosa, highly unusual in fact.
Jake shrugged. "Yeah." He answered.
She narrowed her eyes at him. After a beat of silence, she asked, "So did you two do it?"
"Wha-?" Jake began defensively, feeling a surge of… well, something aside from defensiveness. Maybe it was wariness, he wasn't entirely sure, but there was nothing to be wary of. Annoyed at himself, he answered the question. "Yeah, yeah, Sophia and I… did. Why?"
Rosa replied, leaning forward further. She must be getting a good calf stretch out of that, Jake noted absentmindedly. "I just thought you told me you weren't in the mood for anything last night." Her tone edged towards that 'interrogating a suspect' tone and it made Jake feel like he was being cornered.
"Uh," Jake swallowed. "Clearly, I er- changed my mind, Rosa." Then, "You don't ask about people's personal lives, I thought."
"I'm not." Rosa replied, standing up abruptly. Her expression hadn't changed throughout their conversation. "You free for drinks tonight?"
"I…" Jake hesitated. "I mean, I should be? I don't know if Sophia had plans-"
"I asked if you'd be free, not her." Rosa interrupted smoothly.
"Well, I mean, I don't have any right now." Jake said, embarrassedly. He didn't mean to come off as clingy, just… he didn't want to let Sophia down if she made plans.
"Then I'm making plans with you first." Rosa said, poking him in the chest with one finger - it felt a touch gentler than she would normally do, Jake thought, but he wasn't sure and definitely wasn't going to comment on it - "So that means we're getting drinks after work."
"O…kay," Jake agreed. Rosa seemed to relax minutely at that - although that was probably imagined - and she stalked off to her own desk.
Jake sat down, reaching into his pocket and pulling out that woman's number. He knew he wasn't supposed to have it - it was supposed to get turned over to International, or just thrown away - but he had forgotten it before, and just wanted to get it out of Sophia's sight that morning.
Now, though… he wasn't so sure. International had been supposedly going after subazepam for a while, but it wasn't like it ever turned up. They always caught a couple dealers, but never made it up to the top. It reeked of corruption, of a cover-up, and Jake expected nothing different this time. He could do some investigating on his own, right? Sure, it would cost him his job and his future and pretty much everything, but… he wanted to do something about it.
"Hey-" Amy's voice began, then paused abruptly. "Jake," She finished, voice an octave higher.
He looked up to see her looking at his neck, and he ducked his head down quickly, embarrassment creeping up his face. "Hey, Amy." He replied.
"I was going to ask what you did after your bust but... looks like I can guess." She said light-heartedly.
His shoulders tensed, rising towards his ears. "Yep," He replied, so quiet as to be nearly inaudible.
Amy paused. "Is... everything alright?" She asked slowly, papers rustling as she closed a file. He could feel her eyes on him - and it made him nervous.
"I'm fine," He replied, "So, you heard about the job Rosa and I did yesterday, then?"
"Yeah," There was the sound of Amy's chair squeaking as she leaned forward, her moment of concern switching to eagerness - which Jake counted as a victory. WHy, he wasn't entirely sure - as she asked, "Subazepam? Crazy right, I thought that was off the streets years ago."
"Just went underground. Never stopped being available." Jake replied miserably. "But, let's say I have a contact-"
"Give it to international." She replied immediately.
"We both know
|
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CommonCrawl
| 0.46673 | -0.867412 | -1.107198 | -1.256275 |
they don't do shit." He looked up, irritated.
Amy sighed, and adjusted some folders. She looked tired - almost more tired than him - and his eyebrows furrowed in concern.
"Amy, are you alright?"
"Hm? I'm fine." She replied, "But more importantly, this contact of yours- is it a dealer, buyer?"
"Potential victim." Jake said, showing her the scrap of paper with the number scrawled on it.
Amy looked pained. "We aren't supposed to intervene." Then, she paused. "Well, if there was drinking, and if maybe she was underage, we could just go and talk to her?" She seemed to be warming to the idea, "For that completely unrelated reason, that is."
"And if she happens to have information on subazepam, we could give that to international." Jake said, beginning to grin.
"Yep, very professional." Amy nodded eagerly.
"Very, very professional." Jake agreed.
Feeling in much higher spirits at the allure of actually being able to do something, Jake searched up the number, and they were heading off to one of those apartments that are like… literally on campuses but not considered on campus. Which was good for them - on-campus police were literally the worst.
Jake and Amy gained easy access to the apartment floor, and Jake knocked on it.
A woman - different from the one who had given him the number - opened it. She looked harried, and held the door only slightly open.
"Can I help you?" She asked.
"Yes. I'm Detective Jake Peralta, this is Detective Winona Pretzel," He felt Amy step on his foot lightly at that, "Can we come in?"
"You're not in trouble or anything," Amy said quickly, seeing her pause, "It's just that we have some questions about a party that happened last night. Your… roommate?" Her voice raised towards a question, "Emilia was at it and we-"
The woman rolled her eyes. "Emilia's 21, so am I."
"Yes, but, well," Amy hesitated, "Look, there was possibly something… more than just alcohol and weed there, you know what I mean? Like, something seriously, seriously dangerous that we're looking into."
"Date-rape drug." Jake replied - so much for their pretending to be there on totally different business.
The woman frowned, then, stepping aside, said, "Yo, Emilia, some cops are here to see you. They're here about the party last night."
Emilia emerged from a room. "Ah." She gestured to the singular couch. "Take a seat, I guess." She said, dragging over and sitting down in one of the three chairs. She squinted at Jake. "Do I know you?" She asked.
He handed her the phone number scrap. "You, uh, gave this to me."
"Hm." She said, crumpling it up. "Too bad you're a cop, you were cute." She eyed his neck, "And taken, it seems."
"Uh," Jake felt a bit of heat tinge his face, and ignored the slight glance Amy threw his way. "I don't think I'm your type anyway."
Emilia studied his face for a moment, then chuckled, sitting back and seemingly at ease. "You're right. Guess I was super drunk - and I am 21, by the way," She added quickly. "So, what's up?"
"I was there because I was trying to find a specific dealer. Found out the party was being supplied with a date-rape drug."
Jake shook his head. "That's not… something I can disclose." He shrugged. "Point is, it's a safety concern. We just want to know if you saw anything suspicious, or think there's anyone the police should contact as a potential user or, uh, victim, of a drug like that at the party."
Emilia frowned. "Look, I enjoy the party scene as much as the next college girl. But it's not like I keep an eye on everyone. I watched my own drink, but, I mean, I'm not really that focused on it."
Jake felt irritation color his tone, and he wished
|
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CommonCrawl
| 0.184495 | -0.510684 | -0.503106 | -0.824478 |
he could bite it back even as it seeped through. "So you have no idea of where we could go on this? People could get seriously hurt-"
"I'm aware." She replied sharply, sitting up straighter and become slightly more aggressive as she perceived his tone. "And if I had been aware of it, I would've done my part. But your investigation isn't my business, and I don't enjoy being told that other people's actions are my fault."
"We didn't mean to have that perception," Amy smoothed over quickly, "Jake just takes things a little seriously sometimes." Her posture was lax, and Emilia slowly calmed as well. "If there was anything unusual, maybe you didn't notice it at first but thought it was just sort of weird, anything at all that could be helpful?"
"I mean, a lot of people would go upstairs and then come straight back down." Emilia said with a shrug, "But I just figured that was where people were like, getting fakes or something. Although," She hesitated, "There was this one guy- he seemed really annoyed with it? He kept trying to say they could get what they were looking for for cheaper at Oakley's - it's a diner near here, it's pretty sketchy but they've got good waffles - but everyone kinda blew him off. I thought it was 'cause cheap fakes aren't as good. Not that I'd know." She added quickly, "I've never broken a law or seen anyone else do so."
"Uh-huh." Amy replied. "Did he say when he'd be selling?"
"No, but I imagine he'd want to actually have customers, so…" She shrugged. "I don't have more than that, sorry."
"Can you describe him?"
"Sure." She wrinkled her nose. "He was a blonde. Short hair, like… probably one of those ROTC schmucks, you know what I mean?"
"Hm. Yep." Amy nodded.
"And he was clearly a dom but like, overcompensating?" She rolled her eyes, "You know the type, doms who expect every sub to call them 'sir' and shit - not that he did, just that that's like, the vibe I got from him?" Her voice lilted up at the end.
"Ugh, they're the worst," Jake agreed, "Have you ever had a Dominic tell you to 'just call them Dom'?" He put on a falsely deep, accented posh voice.
Emilia laughed, "Oh my God, there's literally a guy in my chemistry class who pulled that."
Jake was about to make a - in his opinion very witty - joke about doms like that lacking chemistry, when Amy cleared her throat. She looked slightly uncomfortable, and the edges of her mouth were tilted downwards in what seemed to be displeasure.
Jake fell silent, then, swallowing, gave Emilia a nervous smile. "Well, that's everything we had to discuss, so…"
"Right, yes." Emilia nodded, "If you need anything else, let me know, but um, here," She stood, "I'll escort you out."
As they began to leave, Emilia tapped on his arm, and he paused. Amy stopped as well, turning.
"Jake, we have to follow the lead. Come on." She said, slightly irritated - Jake tensed. He didn't know why she was suddenly in a poor mood, but he hoped he wasn't the cause of it.
"Sorry, I just needed to check in with Jake about something." Emilia said with a winning smile, "It'll only take a minute."
"Of course." Amy replied graciously after a moment - perhaps thinking that Emilia would feel more comfortable discussing something sub-to-sub, as opposed to woman-to-woman.
Jake figured the same thing - which is why, when Emilia closed the door and began fidgeting, he patiently waited.
"I really am sorry I can't help more." She said, meeting his gaze - Jake tried to make his expression kind, which was easy given the circumstances.
"You helped us a lot." Jake replied.
"Yeah, but… I'm worried. Do you think anyone was drugged? And that anyone
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.136607 | -0.845026 | -1.187893 | -1.172161 |
was, you know...?" Her gaze dropped to the floor, letting her sentence trail off to the implied.
"It's possible." Jake hedged. "We aren't sure."
She nodded, looking despondent. "Okay. Yeah, yeah, I figured-" She shook her head, as if trying to clear away her emotions. She met his gaze again, and it was clear her attempt had been unsuccessful. "Am I allowed to warn people? Or…?"
Jake grimaced. "Well, we don't want the dealers to go underground, it'll make it harder to stop them all."
"You can't expect me to not say anything."
"No, no, of course not." Jake shook his head. "Just… make sure you don't imply any certain drugs are in use, or that the NYPD's involved."
"Okay. But, I can tell people to watch their drinks, and stuff?"
"I'm not sure how effective it'll be, but you're more than welcome to." Jake shrugged.
"Have you ever been roofied?" She asked suddenly. She sounded curious - too curious, like someone who doesn't quite grasp the depth of their question.
Jake jerked his head, surprised at the bold question. It wasn't really something people asked, and he wasn't really sure of the answer - the hazy, half-memory of Kimmy rubbing his back on the floor of the bathroom, the blurry color of her dress, and the feeling of the cold tiles under his sweaty hands - seemed to drift across his mind. He banished the memory quickly back into that space of his brain that he tried to avoid.
"No," He replied after a beat, "I haven't." Then, "Have you?"
"No." She shook her head, "I worry about it, though."
"Worried is good." Jake found himself saying, almost dazedly, "Worried means safe."
"I guess."
"Thank you for your time." Jake said, as politely as he could manage - for some reason, the reminder of that homecoming made him feel a surge of misplaced irritation, and he didn't want to make her think it was anything she'd done. "I must be going, though. We need to follow up on Oakley's and everything."
"Alright." She opened the door, and he quickly left, giving a nod to her half-wave.
Amy was standing in the hallway, a little ways off, studying an activities board.
"They have a competitive crosswords club!" She said excitedly, pointing to a rather dull-colored poster tacked onto the corkboard, surrounded by significantly more neon posters advertising various mixers and intramurals. Her moment of moodiness from before seemed to have vanished, and she seemed eager to pursue this new lead.
Jake supposed he would have appreciated that more if he wasn't so confused. Both at his sudden, strangely angry irritation - which had seemingly vanished the instant the door had closed behind him, leaving a sort of disquiet that put him off-balance.
"Jake?"
He turned to see Amy's expectant gaze.
"Hm?" He asked, "Sorry, I was just reading about-" He pointed to one of the particularly gaudy posters, "Joining the competitive marco-polo team."
Amy looked amused, her mouth twitching upwards to a smile.
"I said we should head over to the diner, see what we can scrounge up."
"Alright." Jake nodded, following after her - giving one, almost compulsive, glance backwards towards the apartment they'd just left. He was tempted to go back, and demand she explain exactly what made her think that he was a victim - what about him gave that - wrong, he wanted to say, but they both would know that was a lie - impression. So that he could conceal those parts of himself beneath a few dozen layers of jokes, of course.
But he didn't dare.
They got to the diner quickly enough - it was a short walk, and they occupied themselves with light conversation about colleges.
"I've always wanted to go," Amy said, almost dreamily, "I wanted to be a lawyer, you know."
"I… didn't know that, actually." Jake replied, turning to look at her.
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.587639 | -0.936357 | -1.11975 | -0.666527 |
She looked wistful, staring at the trees, their leaves slowly turning from green to autumnal colors. For as good of a detective as she was - and she was better than him, although he'd never admit it - in that moment, she seemed very much at place on the campus. It seemed to fit her very well, and he could envision her at some Ivy League almost as easily as he could recall her at her desk.
"Yeah," She said, a sad smile spreading onto her face. "I even studied for the LSAT, just for fun - I got a 176, good - but not perfect."
"Did you apply?"
"No, no. I'd have needed to get a bachelor's, and… well, every dom in my family's a cop. I was the only girl, so…" She shrugged despondently, "My father told me he'd accept whatever decision I made, but…" Amy sighed, "We both knew what he was saying - acceptance, not support. And I knew that if I became a lawyer, I'd never even have a chance at being treated equally to my brothers."
"That's… I'm sorry." Jake said, heart twisting at the desolation in her tone. "You shouldn't have had to compromise like that."
"It's fine now." Amy assured. "I love being a cop, and, having met lawyers in our job, I think I made the right choice anyway." She gave him a smile, its warmth seeming to chase away her melancholy. "But thank you."
They walked in silence for a bit, Jake unsure of what to say, when Amy asked, "Did you ever think about college?"
"Not really." Jake shook his head. "I wanted to protect people, you know? And, well, be able to stop people so they couldn't hurt others. Being a cop just seemed like the only opportunity to do that. Besides, I'm not very smart," Amy made a noise of objection, and he raised his eyebrows at her, continuing. "I never got good grades, or anything like that. Barely scraped a pass in anything."
Amy looked like she wanted to say more on the subject, but Oakley's came into view and they both fell naturally into their cover - two college students, just hanging out.
They intended to just pop in long enough to see if their guy was there, but a waitress gesticulated to a table and, next thing Jake knew, he and Amy were seated.
It was one of those shitty little booths that are just sticky enough to make your clothes feel gross, but without the 'fun' of having to peel yourself out of the plastic benches when you get up.
They looked around, but didn't spot their man.
The waitress looked thoroughly bored, and was actively chewing gum.
"What do you want?" She asked.
"We're actually looking for a regular here - a dom guy, blonde, short hair?"
She sighed, long-suffering. "Yeah, yeah. He gets more business than we do. Should turn up in a bit. Wanna order, or just want to sit there looking like cops?"
Amy laughed forcibly at that. "Oh, that's so funny!" She said, "Don't you agree?"
"Hm? Oh, yeah, so funny." He smiled back. "We'll order. Coffee?"
"Amazing." The waitress did not sound amazed.
Jake sighed, sitting back and then regretting it as he felt something slightly damp touch the back of his neck - some wayward stain was recent, it seemed.
"Great." He muttered, looking at the variety of stains that surrounded them, "Food poisoning is exactly what I wanted today."
"Oh come on," Amy poked him under the table with a teasing nudge, "I, for one, love these kinds of dives. There's this one place near my family's, it looks horrid but it's clean and they have the best onion rings in the city."
"Somehow, I didn't peg you as an onion ring person." Jake frowned, as the waitress returned with two overfilled mugs of coffee. She did not offer creamer.
"You'd be surprised." Amy replied, sliding over a few packs of sugar to
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.893308 | -0.927922 | -0.967326 | -0.816098 |
him. "I like a lot of things."
"I don't doubt it." Jake said, dumping the sugar in and stirring it with a fork - the stirs at the table looked already used.
They sat in silence for a bit, before Amy spoke - holding her mug with one hand, and scratching at a piece of chipping porcelain on its side with the other, her eyes fixed on the table.
"Do you really think you're not smart?" She sounded downcast, almost sad.
Jake sighed heavily, staring down at the contents of his cup. There was no banter to her voice, so he felt compelled to give an honest answer.
"I don't know." He admitted finally. "I'm good at making connections, like with… our projects and stuff like that. It's just… I'm no good at numbers, and fancy or complicated language confuses me. I can't study, not properly, I just get bored and can't focus, no matter what I try." He shrugged. "The only thing I've ever been good at is helping people, you know?" Jake paused. "It's like… the one thing, the singular thing that I'm able to do competently is make someone else feel safe, and… I dunno, trick people into telling me things, I guess." He laughed self-deprecatingly. "There's a pretty narrow field of usefulness for that combo, I think."
"You are smart, Jake. It's not all book-stuff."
"Ha, says you," Jake laughed, "Weren't you the one who memorized the handbook front to back?"
"Well, yes," Amy said, "And I still know it, for the record-" "-Of course-" "-but you just have a different approach is all."
Jake took a swig of his coffee, and was pleasantly surprised by its lack of being burnt. Better than the precinct could do, that was for sure.
"Is this our guy?" Amy muttered, "He's talking to the waitress."
Jake stretched, using the opportunity to glance around a bit, as Amy surreptitiously took a photo. There was a tall, blonde guy for sure - and ugh, he really did have one of those military haircuts that looked good on, like, maybe Tom Cruise, if you squinted, and were also deeply intoxicated.
Jake faced Amy again and picked up his drink as footsteps approached. The guy paused in front of them, before grinning.
"Long time no see, buds! C'mon, scoot over."
Jake obligingly slid further down into the booth, letting military cut sit down next to him. He glanced between them, before focusing solely on Amy.
"I heard you were looking for me?"
"Yep. We're looking to score." Amy said. "Heard you were the guy."
"Where'd you hear that?"
"Party last night, frat house." She replied easily, "Said you could do what the other guy could, but cheaper. That true?"
"Maybe." Military cut leaned forward. "But what I don't get is, how'd a chick like you get into that party? Sub girls only, rule was. And you're a flip if I've ever seen one."
Amy didn't recoil - in fact, she gave no indication at all to the insulting term other than a tightening of her jaw, and a slight flash to her eyes.
"She wasn't there," Jake said, interrupting smoothly, and giving Amy time to recollect herself, "I was." He gave a coy smile and batted his eyelashes, "I meet a... specific need."
"Hm. Any reason she talked like she was there, then?" Now military cut was giving him his undivided attention - Amy watching on carefully.p>
Jake shrugged. "You normally sell to doms, from our understanding. Didn't want you losing interest in our… purchasing capacity."
Appeased, military cut nodded. "I can see the concern. Don't worry, I'm an equal opportunity provider. Course," He acknowledged with a snort, "I do get a pretty one-sided clientele. What's a priss like you wanting with this product?"
Jake found the lie slipping out almost without thinking. "Reven
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.227798 | -1.047967 | -0.947601 | -1.188604 |
ge."
"Oh?" Military cut looked intrigued.
"Yeah. This absolute tool stole my dom out from under- or, over me," He punctuated with a laugh, "And I'm looking to make 'em suffer for it."
Military cut nodded. "Fair, fair. And you?" He directed the question to Amy.
"I'm not interested, he's the one who wants it. Like we said, we just thought you were a dom-only business. But, since you're not, it's not a problem."
"Yep." Military cut eyed Jake critically, then scowled. "If you've lost your dom, what's with the lovebite?"
"My… temporary breakup was recent." Jake said. "Couple nights ago. I was gonna buy from the frat, but when I heard you'd get the same thing for less…" He shrugged, "I don't wanna spend a buncha money on an enemy, you know what I mean? And if it's less safe, no skin off my back."
"You're a vindictive little thing." Military cut said, sounding pleased. "I can get product to you. When'd you want it?"
"The sooner the better." Jake replied, "Any chance I could get it now?"
"Sure thing. I've got some in my pocket." He tilted his head. "It's one of those things - if you're a cop and I give it to you, I'm dealing, but if it's in my pocket and you remove it, that's possession. Lesser crime."
Jake tried his best to look impressed - that was not in fact how the law worked. "Wow, that's so smart." He said. "Which pocket?"
"Front right."
"Cost?"
"$20 a pop. How many you want?"
"How much would I need? One or two?"
"One. Two could make the guy overdose. And overdoses draw attention my way, you know what I mean?"
Jake nodded, then put his hand under the table. Keeping eye contact with Amy - who looked a little bothered by what she was seeing but unable, or maybe unwilling, to look away - he reached across military cut's lap and into his pocket.
"Is that a roll of quarters or are you just happy to feel me?" Jake tried for a joke. Amy visibly winced, but thankfully military cut was too busy staring at Jake to take notice of Amy's reaction.
It was not, in fact, a roll of quarters, but was a tube full of individual, wrapped foils. Jake got one, and was just pulling his hand out when military cut's hand clasped around his wrist, holding him still - grip not quite tight, but enough that it would cause a scene for him to pull away.
"I could, ah, give you a discount." Military cut offered, "Free, if you want to… keep it there."
"No thanks." Jake said, keeping his voice carefully steady, even as his other hand - the one not being pressed against what was definitely not a roll of quarters - was shaking slightly. "I'd rather just pay."
"Alright." Military cut released his hand, and Jake pulled it back quickly - noting Amy's slightly sagging shoulders indicating her relief at that. "Just 'cause I sell the stuff, doesn't mean I participate." He said, "I've got morals."
"Uh-huh." Amy said, sounding deeply skeptical, as Jake pulled out a $20 and put it on the table.
"I cost a lot more than that." Jake said after a beat - trying for a joke to lessen the tension.
Military cut laughed, taking the bill and tucking it into a different pocket. "In that case, I should've told you to buy two." He replied amusedly, before standing and adding, loudly, "It was good catching up! You guys should join me for drinks sometime."
He left them, going to sit at a different booth, with another person at it - a shifty-looking dom.
"Bet he won't ask him to fish it out of his pocket," Jake muttered, slipping the little foil into his own and standing up. Amy, silent, got up as well.
The two left the diner,
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| -0.118797 | -0.906184 | -0.925185 | -1.544667 |
Jake turning the foil over between his fingers inside his pocket as he walked. He was wary of losing it. They walked in silence for a few minutes, before Amy suddenly spoke.
"Well that was fucking terrible."
"Because he called you a, you know...?" Jake made a face, "I am sorry that happened to you. Who knew drug dealers were so derogatory?"
"That's... not what I was thinking about." Amy replied, " Are you okay?"
"Hm? Yeah, of course - we succeeded without any hiccups." Jake beamed, "That doesn't happen often. Pretty sweet."
"Without any hiccups? Jake, that guy just forced you to basically grope him," The words burst out, as if she had been holding them in since they started walking and could no longer do so. "That is beyond not okay-"
"It's not a big deal, Amy." Jake said, rubbing at his face with his free hand. "We finished the job, isn't that enough for you?"
"No!" She snapped - Jake's hand froze on the little foil for a moment, before resuming its turning, albeit with a slight tremor to his fingers - as she continued. "We shouldn't have done this, the case wasn't worth it."
"What? How was it not worth it?" Jake was confused, "We got a bunch of evidence: the product, that photo, and a potential new person to flip on the bigger fish!"
"No case is worth you getting harassed, Jake." Amy's voice was bitter. "Nothing's worth that."
Jake frowned, but didn't object - he didn't understand her reasoning, couldn't. The case was much more important than a few seconds of discomfort for him, discomfort that barely held a candle, no, a single, flickering ember, to some past situations. But, he understood that pushing her on it would only make her sad, or maybe even upset like she had before.
So instead, he said nothing.
hey guys, sorry for the delay in this fic's updates - i went through some mental health stuff and wasn't motivated to write anything for literal months,,, but that said!! i'm doing better and am excited to be back :D
also: i dont plan on including emilia beyond this single chapter, just because i 1) dont like writing ocs, and 2) dont think yall like reading them. she's there to move plot on the ~drogs~ and that is it. :)
also: i really liked writing amy here!!!! i feel that sometimes i underutilize amy in my hurt!jake fics, and since i really have room here instead of doing one-shots with limited scope, i really get to expand on the struggles i think she deals with (as a perfectionist, as someone with anxiety, and as a woman) which is so much potential, and a lot of fun :D
and yesssssss people,,,, the squad is starting to get ~suspicious~ including jake lowkey:D
also: i enjoy comments, pls consider giving some? i love engagement <3
To say Holt was annoyed with them would be an understatement - his voice raised in a rare display of anger as he reminded them that, as per protocol, International was responsible for this investigation.
"Now Peralta, I expected something like this from you!" Holt's tone was sharp, "But I have to say, Santiago, that I am disappointed. I thought you valued protocol-"
"I do!" Amy interrupted, "But we felt this was important-"
"Then give the information to the right people! I won't have my precinct getting in the way of this investigation. A single misstep, no matter how seemingly minor, could lead to the entire case falling apart! What if you two had been caught?"
"We weren't." Jake muttered sullenly. He had known that Holt would be angry at them, but had figured that, to an extent, he'd be able to talk his way out of it. But that did not seem to be the case.
"You don't know that!" Holt snapped, "Your little bust could already be causing the suppliers to go underground, do you understand?"
"As if they were ever going to get caught." Jake scowled, "International always takes lead for subazepam, and they never
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| -0.198951 | -1.189425 | -1.516052 | -1.315725 |
manage to actually follow through." His tone turned sarcastic, "Couldn't possibly be because of dirty cops."
"Peralta!" Holt raised his voice further, before pausing, composing himself before continuing to speak, in a more subdued tone. "I am aware of the lack of action on that front, and the public's suspicion as to their ineffective work. However, I do not want either of you to be the excuse that they use to get out from under it. Understood?"
Jake glanced at Amy - her expression was distasteful, as she clearly seemed to hate the fact that people weren't fulfilling their responsibilities - before nodding at Holt.
"Yeah, yeah, we get it." Jake admitted, "Do you want us to tell International-"
"I'll take care of it. You were merely investigating fake IDs, and stumbled across the drug, after all. It was completely unintentional." Holt replied leadingly.
Jake nodded, placing the paper for the evidence bag containing the foil - which they had checked, and did in fact contain more of everyone's least favorite drug - onto Holt's desk
Amy didn't look happy about it, and the clench of her jaw gave away her wanting to speak.
"Amy." Jake said lightly, "Come on, we have paperwork to do."
"Fine." She ground out after a pause, spinning abruptly on her heel and leaving the office.
"What was that about?" Jake asked Holt jokingly, but Holt simply sat back down in his chair and sighed.
"The corruption ingrained in policing still vexes me greatly, despite my familiarity with it." Holt narrowed his eyes slightly. "Something that I believe you are also familiar with."
There was a pause - Jake was unwilling to share, and Holt didn't press him on it.
"However, it seems that Santiago is still… inexperienced in regards to certain aspects of that corruption."
"Like what?"
"The sheer scope of it all." Holt suddenly seemed weary, despite nothing in his demeanour changing. "Corruption seeps into every corner of the NYPD, and everyone within is forced to encounter it at some point."
"How could she have not known that going in?" Jake couldn't help but frown. "It's not exactly a secret."
"Santiago is idealistic. Perhaps she believed she would be able to avoid that corruption forever. Regardless, it is a true shame that this precinct was touched by it, even if merely passively."
Holt fell silent, seemingly in thought.
"Right." Jake said finally, if only to break the silence that would have likely stretched on for some time. "Well, I'm going to go do some more of my job."
He left, leaving Holt still staring off into space, as if in contemplation.
Jake had barely sat down - bummed by the fact that the stack of paperwork on his desk had not, in fact, decreased while he had been gone - when Amy glanced up at him, scowl in place.
She was typing away on her keyboard rather aggressively, and Jake raised an eyebrow at her.
"What'd the computer do to you?" He asked jokingly.
"It won't connect to the printer," Amy said through gritted teeth, "This stupid- ugh." She slammed a button, and nothing happened.
Jake clicked a few buttons on his own computer, and the printer whirred to life.
"Wha-? Fucking how?"
"I dunno, I just pressed print?"
"Thanks. You're a real help." Amy replied sarcastically, restarting her computer.
"No, no it- it's fine." Amy shook her head, "I'm just frustrated with this whole situation."
Jake recalled his conversation with Holt. "Is it because of the sting we just did? It kinda sucks that our work isn't going to help any."
Amy looked up at him. "Exactly!" She started typing again. "I can't believe that we're just going to let them cover it up! And I mean, I know that historically, some drug rings had some, you know, cops looking the other way type of thing, but it's not supposed to! And, and for our work to
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.420539 | -0.376363 | -0.715378 | -0.366099 |
just get basically thrown into a trash can… ugh, one second."
She was now restarting the printer.
"I mean, what did you think was going to happen, Amy?"
"I don't know." She was trying to print again. "Maybe, like, the investigators would do something? Have a few good cops in there who'd bring down the suppliers, or- Yes!" She cut herself off with a cheer as the printer finally began printing her sheets. "Oh, thank God, I was starting to lose it a little."
"I hadn't noticed."
Amy rolled her eyes at him, a smile dancing on the edge of her mouth, and Jake did his best to push down the little surge of happiness he felt at seeing her pleased.
"Like Holt said, we can't end up getting screwed, too. Maybe this time someone will be able to step up."
"Well, why can't that someone be us?" She asked, gathering up her papers and beginning to feed them into her laminator.
Jake paused. Her words sat heavily in his chest, and he found himself unable to find an answer - other than the tension in his gut that told him it was a bad idea. "I don't know." He said finally, softly. "Maybe if we were on the actual task force it'd be different, but…"
Amy pursed her lips, before turning back to face her computer screen, expression determined - as it always was when she had an idea.
Jake hoped she was determined about her lamination, and nothing more - but he knew that to be unlikely.
Hours passed, and Jake was getting his last cup of coffee for the day when Charles bumped into him - literally, the guy had two left feet and was always carrying something.
Thankfully, Charles managed not to spill his bowl full of questionable food, and instead beamed up at Jake.
"Hey Jake!" He said cheerfully, "Got any plans tonight? There's this new meatloaf recipe I want to try-"
"Sounds fun, but yeah actually. I'm getting drinks with Rosa."
"What? Oh, man." He visibly deflated, "It's not as much fun eating meat by myself."
"Uh huh." Jake replied, turning to pour some sugar into his mug, before whipping back around when Charles gasped abruptly.
"You have a hickey!" Charles' voice rose to a squeak towards the end.
"Yeah, I noticed." Jake replied, feeling vaguely uncomfortable - he sort of wanted to cover it up with his hand, but that would be weird.
"Why didn't you come and tell me right away? I love hearing all about your relationships! And then judging them brutally, hah."
"I know you do, Charles, but it's not really something I want to talk about." He could hear his tone becoming defensive, even as he tried in vain to keep it light.
"In fact," Charles was frowning now, "You don't have a glow!"
"Post-sex, you always have a look. I know it. But you aren't dressed right, and your face looks all wrong-"
"Don't stare at my face, dude-"
"Wait a minute!" Charles grabbed Jake's arm, voice lowering. "Are you… you know, doing okay?" He seemed worried, and his voice was a tiny bit too loud for Jake's comfort - even though no one else was near them.
"I'm fine." Jake pulled his arm free. "I just have a lot on my mind is all."
"You can talk to me if anything's wrong," He was still pressing, and fuck Jake felt that strange, irrational rage starting to bubble up in him again - the one he had felt earlier, with that college woman - and he couldn't place it. Kindness should not make him angry, but it was.
"Nothing's wrong, Charles. Drop it." Jake said sharply, a bite of that anger coming through in his tone, managing to slip through his best attempts to hold it back.
Charles stared at him for a moment, as if wanting to push, but something in Jake's expression - the anger, it was the anger, what else could it be? - managed to convince him not to.
"Okay, Jake." Charles said finally, although he didn'
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.024867 | -1.598227 | -1.896216 | -1.604116 |
t seem even remotely convinced. "If you ever want to talk, though, I'm here for you."
"I will, when there's something to talk about." Jake replied, turning around and doing his best to walk away without looking like he was storming off - that would only draw attention, and he didn't want that. He told himself he wasn't fleeing, that there was nothing to run from, certainly not Charles.
Jake had just barely begun to question whether or not he should quit the NYPD and take up a job in biohazard cleanup - never needed to see people's necks with all that gear, after all - when he realized he'd forgotten his coffee, having left it in his hurry to escape his anger. He could see the cup from here, sitting on the counter.
But he was too annoyed to go get it, now.
So instead he just focused on his job, irritation seeping into his core - even as he couldn't quite understand what that anger was from, why he even felt it, or what it was he was trying to direct it to… he just felt like he was about to explode.
Maybe drinks with Rosa was a bad idea. He wasn't sure alcohol and his current mood would be a good idea.
But then he thought about going back to Sophia's apartment instead, and his stomach did a flip. That was just because he felt bad about not making drinks last night, though, Jake hurried to assure himself. He owed Rosa a drink anyway, he'd do that. Besides, he liked Rosa, he enjoyed her company.
Jake told himself it was because he wanted to hang out with Rosa, not because he wanted to avoid anyone - anything, that is.
Drinks with Rosa is easy, he told himself as he walked the block to Shaw's. They'd always just sit in silence, maybe give a passing comment on something arbitrary, like telling her about his car's latest problem, and then that'd be that.
Nice and easy. Nothing to think about, or worry about.
He reached the table they always had - away from the lights and the loud noises, closer to a wall, as per Rosa's preference - and could see Rosa's face, set in her normal scowl. How she always managed to get here before him was beyond him, since even her motorcycle was beholden to Brooklyn traffic.
His relief in it being an easy night did a bit of a twist in his chest, though, when he saw Amy sitting beside Rosa. Her hands were on a beer, which sat, clearly undrunk, in front of her. She looked worried.
Damn it.
Jake hesitated. He didn't want them to… to ask him questions. To pry into his life and ruin something he had. His relationship was fine, he was doing fine, he liked Sophia. But he knew that, if they talked to him long enough, they would reveal something he'd rather leave in the dark. So that he could enjoy what little bit of light there was left to him.
There was so little in his life that was spared from the poison that Ethan had dumped into his brain - it was all Jake could do to cling to the parts that were still intact. He wasn't delusional - he knew some of what he clung to was tainted, but he couldn't bear to let it go - and he certainly wasn't interested in having this conversation.
Amy looks up and sees him. Their eyes meet for a moment, and she sort of half-rises from her chair…
And Jake bolts.
He barely makes it out the door before physically colliding with Charles. Again.
"Wh-?" Charles begins to speak, but Jake pushes past him, making a beeline for the sidewalk, trying to put some distance between himself and his team that, whatever they were going to say, he was desperately not wanting to hear.
He told himself this was irrational, that even if he evaded them he'd still see them all the next day, but he couldn't seem to stop himself - even as he told himself, quite strictly, to stop, to act normally, that this was only going to increase their suspicions about his life, but he couldn't seem to make himself stop.
A hand grabbed his arm and Jake whipped around, yanking his arm free and crouching slightly into a fighting stance.
It was Charles - that's right, Charles always could run faster than him - and
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.946291 | -0.819557 | -1.519639 | -1.25754 |
, looking past him, Jake could see two more figures headed in their general direction.
Grimacing, Jake pulled Charles into an alley.
"Jake, what's going on?" Charles asked.
Jake opened his mouth to speak… and found that he couldn't. He sank back against the dingy brick wall, putting his face in his hands. "I just… I just can't right now, okay? All of you can just back off." It was hardly the demand he had wanted, but he simply didn't have the strength to muster it.
"Jake, it's alright." Charles said, stepping closer, face sympathetic. 'We're just worried about you, you're our friend."
"I'm fine, seriously. Everyone needs to stop pestering me about this."
"You're not fine. Something is clearly wrong. We'll have your back, no matter what."
"Does it have something to do with Sophia?" Charles asked carefully, eyebrows furrowed in a sympathetic expression.
"No." Jake said - it sounded weak to his own ears. He could hear Amy and Rosa round the corner, coming up to them. "I'm just annoyed that my night out is getting ruined by everyone asking me stupid questions."
"We're trying to help you, dumbass." Rosa said, tone much too kind for her words, hands shoved into her jacket pockets.
Jake choked on a bitter laugh - a cruel thing that he didn't mean, didn't even believe himself to be warranted - and, casting a glare onto her, asked sharply, "Why don't you go help me like you did last time?"
Rosa flinched back ever so slightly, before closing off, stiffening upright. Without a word, she turned and stalked off, her boots clicking away down the sidewalk.
Jake wanted to stop her, tell her he didn't mean it - he didn't, of course not - but at the same time, he couldn't bring himself to apologize. Something inside of him was seriously wrong, he felt guilt and vindictive pleasure in the same moment - the latter of which made him feel physically nauseous.
"I- Rosa-" He tried to explain, voice quiet, more to justify to himself than anyone else.
"I'll talk to her." Charles offered, "She knows you don't mean-"
"No, don't." Jake shook his head. "Just… just leave her alone." Just as his rage had come on suddenly, it fled just as quickly. He felt exhausted, beyond drained - like how he did when he was coming out of a drop - and he was grateful for the wall behind him, leaning back and sliding down it until he was crouched on the concrete ground.
"Jake," Charles crouched down beside him, "What's going on? You're acting unusual, and don't seem to be reacting normally to situations. Something has happened, and- we just want to make sure that you're safe."
Jake's throat felt closed off. He shook his head, head in his hands. "As if I'm ever gonna be safe." He chokes on a humorless laugh, "I can't just be normal. I've always got to be fucked up."
"Jake…" Amy began sympathetically, "That's not true, we have ways of protecting-"
"That's not what I mean." Jake shook his head again. He felt dizzy, lightheaded. "You all think Sophia's doing something wrong. She's not, okay? She's not-" Jake knew he didn't sound very convincing, but his next words certainly were, "I'm the one who keeps messing it all up."
"No, it's… I'm telling the truth." Jake tried to explain, "It's… the way I am, the problems that I have… I'm fucked up. Really, really fucked up. And, and it's not fair to tell me that Sophia's a problem, she's the only person who hasn't… she's the only dom who has even tried to connect with me since- since-" He doesn't want to say Ethan's name. It feels as though he would summon him if he did, "Since the problems happened. It's not fair that you all want me to
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.609375 | -0.683127 | -1.573436 | -1.060219 |
leave the one person who makes me feel… normal. Appreciated. Desired. I don't- I don't know."
"Does she make you feel loved? Protected, cherished? Not just desired, but valued?" Amy asked.
Jake closed his eyes against her words, wishing he could avoid them as easily as he did his own thoughts. "What should I do, then? I leave Sophia, then what? Go back to being some… unwanted, broken thing? Let's face it, I'm never going to attract the 'good' kind of dom. The way I am… something about me, it just… I'm not the type of sub doms love. That they cherish, or want to marry. I'm… Sophia might be my only chance at a dom who'll treat me…" Jake was going to say well, but he felt like he'd be lying. "Who won't treat me like an object." He finished, somewhat quieter, unable to meet either of their gaze, instead simply closing his eyes, forehead resting on his knees.
"Jake," Amy said softly, voice full of pain, "You shouldn't be with someone just because they treat you like a person. I don't care what you think, you deserve better than that. You deserve to be cared for, and you will find someone who will love you, and want to marry you."
Amy rubbed his shoulder, Jake too worn out to even react to it, and added, "And even if not, is being with someone who makes you so unhappy really better than being single?"
"I just don't want to be alone," Jake choked, and damn it, there were the tears - he had been trying to hold them back best he could, but it was finally breaking through and he simply lacked the willpower to do anything about it.
"You won't be." Charles interjected, "You'll have me! And the precinct, and…" Grimacing, he begrudgingly added, "Other friends."
Jake couldn't help but laugh at that - slightly hysterically - but it seemed to break the moment of hopelessness he was experiencing. "Okay, okay. I get it."
Amy was still touching his shoulder.
"Look, I'll… I'll talk to her about it, okay?" Jake still wasn't entirely convinced that Sophia had actually done anything wrong - he was her sub, after all - but he had enough common sense to know that if his two closest friends and, well, Amy, all agreed that Sophia was a bad move, he would believe them.
Besides, he had to admit, the idea of not being with her again was strangely appealing, although he couldn't place why. There was just this general sort of relief - a sensation not dissimilar to how he had felt when Ethan would text to let him know he was going to be working overtime that night, or was getting a multi-day sting op.
It was a reprieve.
Jake grimaced. It probably wasn't a good thing when he was happy to not see his partner.
"Come on, let's get you home." Amy said, helping him to his feet. Jake felt off-kilter, as if he had drunk a few beers at Shaw's after all - although it was likely just the exhaustion seeping through.
"Hang on, is Sophia going to be there though?" Charles suggested, "He can stay with me."
"No, no, I live closer." Amy shook her head, "Besides, I've got a fold-out couch, and Teddy's away right now for a training camp. We can talk about filing a report on Sophia, too-"
"Wait, wait," Jake pulled himself out of her light grip, "I'm not interested in doing that. Like I said, she hasn't done anything wrong."
"Jake," Amy began, but he shook his head quickly.
"Look, not making me happy, or not 'valuing' me, or whatever, isn't a criminal offense. She hasn't done anything to me I haven't…" Jake was going to say 'wanted', but that wasn't true now, was it? "Nothing I haven't fully consented to," He said after a moment.
Amy didn't look convinced, but Charles, thankfully, came to his defense.
"Amy, he's right. If nothing illegal
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.894667 | -0.868224 | -1.623646 | -0.955551 |
happened, just… you know, leave it be. You need to respect Jake's wishes, here."
She looked conflicted, but reluctantly acquiesced. "Fine." She said, "Jake, let's go."
"Hang on, I never said I was going to go with you," Jake argued.
Amy paused. "Do you want to?"
He hesitated, wanting to refuse simply on the basis of his objecting in the first place. But… the thought of having Sophia show up at his apartment made him inclined to agree.
"Charles, let's go to your place." Jake said finally, stepping away from Amy, not looking at her for fear of seeing hurt on her expression.
"Yes!" Charles pumped the air, "Sleepover!"
Jake chuckled. "Yeah, sounds good."
"Right. Then. I'll, uh, see you both at work." Amy said, awkwardly. "I will, um, go then? Unless there's anything I can do…"
"No, thanks-" Jake made the mistake of looking at her. And, as he had feared, her expression was a careful mask that didn't quite hide the concern on her face. "We're… good. Seriously." He added, making direct eye contact.
"Okay." Amy replied finally. "If you're sure."
They part ways - Charles and Amy seeming to have a silent conversation for a brief moment - and Charles bundles Jake into his car.
They get all the way to Charles' place - the basement of his ex, who was thankfully absent - and Jake was fully in his pajamas - of course he had a set at Charles' house, they were friends, duh - when Charles finally broached the subject.
"Look, I know that you don't necessarily want to talk about it. And I'm not talking as a cop, or as someone who's gonna try and pressure you to make a report. I just want to know…" Charles sighed, "Is Sophia like… your previous relationship?"
Jake blinked. He had made a lot of unconscious, and conscious, comparisons between the two. And there were a couple of similarities, sure, but that was how it was for every dom. "No, they're extremely dissimilar." He said finally, honestly. "She treats me like a person, like I said."
It, oddly, didn't seem to be the response Charles was wanting - his expression, which had at first relaxed slightly, seemed to tighten up once more. "You deserve to be treated as more than a person, Jakey."
"Yeah, that's what you guys said." Jake laughed. "But, I mean, isn't a person the best I can get? The only other option is sub, after all."
"You…" Charles seemed at a loss for words. "You do know that, subs are supposed to be treated like people, too."
Jake felt slightly uncomfortable. He knew that, obviously - of course he did. But it didn't… something about it felt off. Even though he knew it to be true, logically, it didn't change how his lived experiences seemed to state something different - that he was closer to an object than a human. "Yeah, yeah, I know." He nodded, "It's just some doms don't quite get the memo. But Sophia does." He shook his head, "I'm still not sure why you all want me to break up with her. She's the best option I've ever had."
"What about Bernice?"
"I was a dalliance for her." Jake shrugged, "She wanted to explore her options, like college students do, and I just happened to be the one she saw first. There was no possibility of a future with her, there was no option there other than some temporary pleasure."
"And before her?"
"There was only one person before her." Jake shook his head. "And he's the one… he's the one who made me into this."
"Well, there'll be someone after Sophia, too." Charles said.
"Maybe." He shrugged despondently.
They lapsed into silence after that.
"Do you want a hug?" Charles asked suddenly.
"Hm?" Jake blinked. "Yeah, sure."
Charles flung himself onto him, wrapping around like an octopus, cling
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.580846 | -0.95258 | -1.55909 | -0.892623 |
ing tight. Jake embraced him back, and told himself that he only felt the pain in his chest from having cried earlier, and not from the feeling of being cared for.
Charles loved hugs, but sometimes Jake wondered if he knew how much they helped him, too - although he had never admitted it, he had his suspicions that Charles had picked up on it.
Jake relaxed slightly, tension he hadn't noticed in his back and shoulders fading away.
"Are you going to want help with it?" Charles asked.
Jake didn't have to ask what 'it' meant. "No, I'd rather talk to her alone." Jake replied, arms tightening around him for a moment. "She hasn't done anything wrong, I don't see a need for backup."
"If you change your mind…" Charles said slowly, "Or if you need help afterwards. I'll be there."
"Thanks." Jake knew Charles meant it, and he did, too.
But he was sure that, no matter what might happen, he was not going to ask anyone for help. He didn't need anyone thinking there was something wrong with him - or, worse, any of them figuring out exactly what was wrong with him.
Although, if they knew, then maybe they wouldn't be so eager to have him leave her. Hell, they might even give her accolades for deigning to be with someone so truly pathetic.
Either way, he wouldn't let them know. He didn't want their judgement - couldn't handle their judgement, their change in opinion of him.
Jake valued them far too much to risk that on something as insignificant as his wellbeing.
im not 100% happy with this chapter? i kept rewriting it and finally just decided to post anyway,,, i wanted to make it seem like jake thinks sophia is treating him like a person/human being, but like... she isn't though, his perception is just that skewed... i'm not sure it came across all the way, but i got so sick of trying to edit it though haha :)
i did like writing jake's little emotional distress issues tho! :D
pls give a comment if you are so inclined <3
Jake knew he had hurt Rosa's feelings. Not that she'd admit to having them, but he had nonetheless. He was half-hoping to find a text from her when he sat up in bed - having attempted, and failed, to sleep for the past few hours - but knew better than to expect it. Still, he was disappointed by the lack of notification, the bright screen shining up at him and making him squint.
"Jake?" Charles' voice was low, bleary from sleep. His place only had one bed, and besides, the two had shared plenty of beds over the years - they were best friends, why wouldn't they?
"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you up." Jake said, clicking off his phone so the room was once again darkened.
"'s okay." He replied. There was a rustle of sheets as Charles sat up. "What's going on?"
"Do you think Rosa's…" Jake paused. 'Mad at me' was a bit of a generalization. "Think she's alright?"
There was a beat of silence. Jake felt stupid, sitting in the dark like this worrying, asking pointless questions.
"Nevermind." He said as the silence stretched.
"No, no, Jake, I'm just- I'm just tired." Charles replied, "Rosa's… she'll be fine."
Jake grimaced. Rosa wasn't an easily forgiving person - to herself or anyone else - and he felt shitty for having jabbed at what he knew was a particularly sore spot for her. He suspected she hadn't really ever forgiven herself for the situation, no matter how much he'd tried to convince her otherwise.
And now he'd gone and thrown it back in her face.
Jake felt a surge of shame slam into him, practically stealing his breath away. He hated being like this. Hated being mean, hated being cruel - and he wasn't like this, he wasn't. He didn't understand why he was acting this way, why even when he told himself to stop he couldn't make himself do so - and it made him feel awful.
Jake pulled his knees
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.73436 | -1.365924 | -1.982291 | -1.141172 |
up to his chest, crossing his arms over them.
"I don't know why I said that to her." He said finally.
It was silent for so long that Jake was convinced Charles was asleep when he finally responded.
"You were lashing out. It happens sometimes, Rosa won't take it personally. No matter what you said to her, what it meant, she'll be fine." There was a pause. "It's you we're worried about, you know."
Jake curled even tighter in on himself - he could feel his disgust at himself, at his own stupid, horrible actions seeming to build upon itself. He was awful to Rosa. He was rude to Amy. Rude to Charles. He had tried to ditch them in the first place. He'd blown off his paperwork. He was rude to that college woman. He went against Holt with the subazepam case - and yeah that was for a good reason, but the feeling didn't care for anything as paltry as logic. All that mattered was that he had made Holt mad at him, too.
He had done so many horrible things to so many people who hadn't done anything wrong to him.
Jake felt his throat tighten, and he so badly wanted to say 'You shouldn't, I don't deserve it' but instead all he did was open his mouth, and then close it again - knowing that if he tried to speak, he would not be able to get the words out.
They sat in silence for a bit - Jake clinging to himself, trying to get the lump in his throat to move away without success, and Charles, who was still propped up but not speaking, either.
Just… sitting there, being there for him, existing in this space with him.
It reminded him so strongly of when he was younger, with Gina and him staying up late at Nana's apartment, whispering secrets to one another from the pits of their beings while the moon rotated past the window, and the rest of the world seemed to be at peace, if only for that night.
It made him feel… melancholy. He was comforted, but by something indescribably sad.
Jake couldn't tell if it made him want to cry more or less.
Despite it being dark, he knew Charles was watching him - Jake couldn't bring himself to turn and look in his direction.
"I'm-" The sorry was choked out entirely as Jake felt a sob burst through his chest - it physically hurt him, as his body beat out his will. He felt arms wrap around him, pulling him into a hug, and he tried to speak again, which only made his heaving all the worse.
His chest ached with each sob, his lungs aching from the force of it. He wanted so badly to stop, to return to where he had been a few minutes before, but he quite literally could not stop himself.
He cried until he couldn't breathe, until he was gasping for air - each time he tried to intake a breath, his lungs punched it back out. Jake felt a touch of fear begin to grow in his mind as he couldn't get himself back under control.
"Jake," Charles was speaking, voice calm - his hands on Jake were slightly trembling, the only thing betraying his nerves - "How about you sit up some more, okay?"
Jake straightened upright, having curled so far into himself, arms going behind himself to brace upright. He felt like he was suffocating, drowning in his own fucking tears.
"How about I tell you about this new dish I heard about? It's this little-known Italian dish, involving poaching the eyes of a…"
Jake did his best to focus, trying to hear what Charles was saying. He was processing each word individually, but no meaning was coming from it - the rhythm of his voice, though, provided something to cling to, and Jake let himself get lost in the sound of it.
Jake wasn't entirely sure what happened - maybe he just fell asleep from exhaustion, or maybe he passed out from all the hyperventilation - but either way, he woke up to Charles washing dishes.
It was so mundane, so… generic, that it almost made the entirety of the past night feel unreal. Like it hadn't even happened.
The only sign that it had was Jake's own feeling of having
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 1.196261 | -0.628133 | -1.376181 | -0.850882 |
had a good cry - his chest seemed a bit lighter, and he felt almost close to normal. Or, well, more balanced, anyway.
Charles certainly showed no sign of disgust or revulsion towards him, not even a hint of annoyance. Instead, he just looked up, beamed, and gestured to a coffee pot, which was a little over half full.
Jake walked over - he felt awkward, but it quickly faded as Charles seemed completely nonchalant about the entire thing. Within the time it took to pour and make his cup of coffee, Jake had fallen back into the normal dynamic they shared.
Charles was incredible - somehow, he always seemed to know what it was Jake needed at the moment. Maybe it was because he was a sub too, or maybe just because he was a caring person. Maybe only subs could be caring.
Jake snorted into his mug at the thought - that wasn't true, of course, but it was sort of funny to think about it like that.
Charles raised an eyebrow at Jake's amusement, his cheery mood seeming to lift his own.
"I could make us pancakes." Charles offered.
Jake shook his head, "Thanks, but…" He thought for a moment. When was the last time he'd eaten? Time seemed to pass so strangely for him sometimes, in drawn out minutes and bursts of hours, and somehow he would forget to do things as mundane as eat. Oddly, he didn't feel hungry, though, not until he thought about eating and then suddenly he became aware of it. "Um, I guess some food would be great actually. Thanks."
"Alrighty!" Charles positively beamed, setting down the dishes and whipping out a plethora of ingredients. Jake reflected that he probably would have said yes anyways, if only because he knew that food and cooking was how Charles demonstrated affection.
Jake checked his phone - having taken it with him - and noticed a few texts from Sophia. He felt a tinge of something inside of him, something unpleasant, and he quickly scrolled past it to check his messages with Rosa.
There was nothing there.
Jake tried to suppress his disappointment - knowing that that was exactly what he had expected to be there - but wasn't entirely successful. His fingers were hovering over the text keys, trying to decide whether or not to send her a message, when another text dinged up.
Terry wanted him to help with an event on Monday, some dinner or something. Whatever. Jake responded in the affirmative, then continued to stare at the blinking… type line thing. He couldn't remember what it was called. Oh well.
Sorry for. He backspaced. Hey, just wanted to let. He erased that as well, putting one hand up to his face to try to think. Rosa, if you want to talk. No, no, she never wanted to talk, what was he thinking.
Charles was humming at the stove, the sound of sizzling in the air.
What I said was shitty, and I didn't mean to He frowned. I don't know why I said it. That's no excuse, though. He almost pressed send, before adding. I did want to hang out with you. We can try again, maybe next week?
He pressed the button, then tossed his phone aside - Rosa wouldn't respond, she rarely did. The guilt of the night prior was beginning to press on him once more, but Jake pushed it away. He could do damage control later, right now there were other things to think of.
Like Charles and the frankly massive stack of pancakes he put in front of them, sitting down across from him at the table.
They ate in companionable chatter, talking about whatever happened to strike them - mostly, Charles talked about how he had ground his own flour for the pancake batter, and Jake nodded and pretended that he could tell there was a difference. Maybe there was, he didn't really make pancakes well so Charles' just tasted better in general.
Eventually, though, this too wrapped up. There wasn't much either of them had to do - Jake couldn't remember if he needed to get groceries or not. He remembered thinking about it before, and then having an answer, but he couldn't remember which way it had been answered. He remembered it had to do with bread, but… he frowned.
He didn't
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.479636 | -1.670903 | -1.799382 | -1.218961 |
want to buy more bread and have it go bad. But he didn't want to be out of bread if he was.
Jake mentally shrugged. He could just go home, and then go to the store afterwards for what he needed.
He expressed as much to Charles, who became immediately, visibly excited.
"That sounds fun! We could go together."
Jake would usually refuse that offer, since Charles would always try to convince him to try new, usually unpleasant food. But he looked so eager - and Jake did enjoy his company, and maybe perhaps felt just a little bit guilty from before - that he agreed.
Charles practically exploded with eagerness, essentially shoving Jake out of the house to go.
Jake had left his car, so Charles drove to his place. He had forgotten the anxiety around that, but it was thankfully empty - why thankfully? He didn't like that thought process - and a quick check of the pantry confirmed that he was in fact out of bread, but weirdly had like, four jars of tomato paste of varying sizes.
Typing a haphazard list on his phone, he went back to the car. As he did, the little notification for unread text messages pinged once.
He checked it as Charles pulled out - it was not from Rosa, disappointingly, it wasn't even on read, but it wasn't from Sophia either. It was another text from Terry.
As Jake read it, he felt a sort of shadow fall. Of course. Of course it was never this easy.
It was a defense attorney event.
Well. Jake sure as hell wasn't going to break up and then go to a fucking meeting with her after.
He could just wait. He could wait a few days, it was fine. He wasn't even really sold on ending it with Sophia anyways, maybe this would give him some time to figure it out.
As if there was anything to figure out. If Rosa and Charles said someone was bad news, they were. Amy… probably. She seemed to jump the gun a bit, though, and she would raise objections to things he barely even paid attention to, let alone thought were out of line - like that drug dealer. He still wasn't entirely sure what she was so up in arms about then, but it's not like he could just ask her.
She'd give him one of those looks, the one that started out shocked and then turned devastatingly sad, as if she was at the funeral of a loved one.
Jake already felt like he was dead, sometimes. Being looked at like that did not comfort him. No, he much preferred her outraged response, because at least then when she was angry it wasn't about him. When she looked like that kind of sad, it was always because of him, it seemed.
Charles pulled into the grocery store - a generic one - and they got out. Charles immediately went for a cart, whipping out an itemized grocery list and pen. He took this sort of thing very seriously.
Jake pulled up his phone's list. It was mostly typos and poor autocorrect, honestly, and he had already forgotten if the "bread(?)" was on there because he needed more, or already had some.
As they wandered down the aisles, Charles putting his things into his cart as he went - inspecting each product thoroughly before doing so - Jake managed to grab the stuff on his list. He opted to get bread, figuring he had gone to the trouble of putting it on the list, that meant he probably did need it then.
As Charles carefully inspected each apple before putting them into a reusable bag, Jake split off to wander over to the ice cream section. Charles could easily be in the produce section for hours, and he wasn't going to try to rush him. He had nothing else to do, after all.
He stared at the rows upon rows of frozen dairy. He never knew what to get if he tried to read the labels, so instead he just got one of the same few he would always get. Checking to make sure it said chocolate and not coffee - he had made that mistake once, and would not do so again - he heard a squeaky cart come up from his left.
Closing the door, he glanced to the side. A woman and what seemed to be her child were looking at the same section as he was in. The child looked up at him and then tugged their parents' arm.
"Mom, how come he's got a bruise
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.134654 | -1.320502 | -1.238103 | -1.074133 |
?" The child asked, loudly.
Jake immediately turned red - making brief, deeply uncomfortable eye contact with the mother, who was staring back at him with a mix of irritation and exhaustion. He saw her eyes dart down to his neck, before turning to her child and beginning to whisper about how 'it's rude to ask that in front of people' and the like.
Jake speedwalked away, turning the corner as soon as possible to enter the next aisle, face still red. He had forgotten about the hickey, fuck.
Jake hated being stared at by strangers. Sometimes, he could feel people watching him, either to judge him for who he was, or desire, or general curiosity, or out of some other reason, but regardless of it he had somehow not noticed it until that moment.
He felt like he was being stared at, because the mark on his neck was proof he was owned and he felt his skin crawl at the thought. He was half-tempted to just abandon Charles and book it for the closest exit, but that would be rude, and besides, Charles had the keys anyways.
So instead he walked back over to the produce section, trying to tell himself the jitter in his hands was from the cold of the container, not from the feeling of being watched. Was the person walking past him actually just doing that, or were they hating him with all their being?
Jake was relieved to finally find Charles, who had moved on from the apples to the bell peppers, and was paying them an equal amount of diligent attention.
"Hey, how much do you have left? I got my last thing."
Charles didn't look up. "Oh, just this and then I'm good to go." Shaking his head, he set down the pepper in his hand and picked up another one. "The quality today is slightly lower than normal. I wonder if it's from the seasonal rain uptick these past few weeks."
"Mm." Jake replied generically, turning to stare at the radishes as some people walked by. Charles only took another ten or so minutes to select his bell peppers, at which time Jake had managed to calm himself - for some reason, being in Charles' company eased him.
The checkout clerk seemed to hate her job, not even looking at him as she chewed gum and scanned his items through, or as he paid. Nor did she even react to Charles' rather eclectic array of goods. She dropped the apples unceremoniously into a bag, ignoring Charles' little gasp at the potential of them becoming bruised.
By the time they got back to the car, Jake was fine - he was hyperaware of his neck having a hickey, though, and wished he had remembered so he could've tried to cover it a little - but other than that, he was fine.
Charles dropped Jake off back at his apartment. He'd offered to stay, but Jake had declined. He knew Charles had other grocery stores to go to - the more specific, specialty ones - and he didn't want to hold him up. Besides, he was sort of… done with socializing for the day. He was tired.
Jake unloaded his groceries into the kitchen, and was just beginning to sort out what went where when he noticed a cup in the drying rack.
"Hey." A voice came from above where he was sitting on the floor.
Jake's head snapped up so fast it hurt, making eye contact with Rosa, who stood in the doorway into the dining room/living area.
"Oh, it's you." Jake said, relieved.
"Who else would it be?" She asked, eyes narrowing. "And why are you glad it's not them?"
She already knew.
Of course she already knew. She always - okay, almost always - did. She was Rosa, after all.
Jake didn't bother to respond, just shrugging. "I can't do what you guys want me to do anyways. Terry and I are going to a defense attorney event on Monday, I can't end it until after that."
"If Sarge knew the situation-"
"He doesn't, and he doesn't need to." Jake replied, setting down his butter a little harder than he meant to. Rosa didn't even blink. "Sorry." He said after a moment. "I just… I'm sorry."
"I get it." Rosa shrugged, leaning against the doorway
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.745228 | -1.144003 | -1.340317 | -1.081722 |
. "And I'm not mad at you."
"Should be." Jake frowned at the bread. "You know I don't even hold that whole thing against you, right?"
Rosa didn't respond.
Jake blinked a few times. The bread label was getting blurry. "I just… I just wanted to be mean to everyone. To you. I don't know why. It was like I couldn't help it, it just kept spilling out from somewhere inside me."
Rosa sighed, uncrossing her arms. "That sucks."
"Yeah." He looked up. "You wanna daydrink?"
Jake was still trying to stay up. His hands were shaking, his eyes burned, and he had had a headache for the past few days straight now. Still, he reached for his coffee mug, hoping to keep away the sleep for another few hours.
A hand, with a few healing stitches across the side of it, came down, pulling his mug away from him. Jake looked up with a slightly-slow head tilt, scowl in place.
"Give it back, Rosa." He snarled, or at least tried to. It probably sounded pathetic.
"No." She replied, dumping the contents into the trash. Her fading black eye, and heavy, stitched cut across her eyebrow and forehead only served to make her more intimidating.
"Hey!" He gestured to it - he felt dizzy, and nauseous, and he was so bone tired. But he couldn't sleep. Every time he closed his eyes Ethan was there and he couldn't take it. He couldn't. Every single time he fucking slept it caused him drop, it made him want to run further, it made him want to run and beg to be held, it made him want to never fall asleep again or maybe it was just to never wake up. To drown in himself, in all his blood and misery and be done with it all.
What was the point of it all anyways?
Rosa was staring at him, concern written on her face in that Rosa sort of way.
"You need to sleep, Jake. Or you're going to drop dead."
"What's so bad about that?" He replied, thunking his head onto the table - it sent reverberations through his skull and made his stomach turn.
"You'll feel better after you sleep, dumbass."
"I'll feel better once you stop talking. It's hurting my brain." Jake replied, voice monotone from lack of energy.
He heard a short huff of air through gritted teeth, and then the sound of Rosa's footsteps walking away.
Jake looked up. She had taken his coffee cup with her.
He felt bad. She had barely come back from being undercover - ending in a fucking drag-out fight no less - to find him like this. She had checked herself out of the hospital just to sit at his dumb side, and he wished he could appreciate it. But he couldn't. He couldn't appreciate anything, right now. Least of all the presence of someone he cared about, to see him like this.
The coffee situation was alright, though. He could always make more. He set on another pot - he had hidden this one, since Rosa had taken away his original one - and waited for it to boil.
He felt so ill, so horribly ill. It wasn't from lack of sleep, or at least it hadn't been at first - ever since he had left Ethan, since he had betrayed his do- not his dom, not anymore, he had to keep reminding himself of that. But ever since that moment, seeing that rage and that hurt from something he had done, Jake had felt horrible. He was a bad person, a bad sub.
Jake nearly gagged. He wanted to sleep so badly, now, his body. But he refused. He would not do it. Maybe it was because of the horrors, sure. Or maybe it was because when his memories of Ethan were kind, it made him feel like the worst being alive for hurting someone so wonderful. At least the nightmares of being slammed into walls and choked out by angry hands didn't make him feel so guilty.
Sure, they still made him feel guilty obviously - for letting it happen, for being a bad sub. Ethan wouldn't have done that if he'd been better. J
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.315253 | -0.957446 | -1.605714 | -1.501661 |
ake shook his head, then regretted it as it made the world tilt horribly, painful spots flickering in his vision. There was no point in thinking about it. He wasn't sleeping anymore, so that took care of that.
He made himself another cup, then hid the pot again. He had gotten about halfway through drinking it when Rosa returned. Huh. Jake had thought she was going to leave. He had been rude to her. But it wasn't his fault she wouldn't leave him alone.
She saw the cup in front of him, and her jaw twitched.
Jake was worried she was going to yell at him, or command him to tell her where the other pot was. If she did yell, he'd just ignore her. But if she commanded him… he gagged again, the thought of it making him so close to ill that he swore he could taste it on his tongue.
Instead, Rosa just slammed his cup in front of him, now full of water.
"Drink this. I'm not going to have you dehydrate from all that caffeine." She said shortly. It wasn't a command, but it certainly wasn't a request.
Jake frowned at it. He couldn't remember the last time he'd had just plain water. Definitely since before he decided he was going to just avoid the whole sleep thing.
Rosa impatiently tapped the table. She seemed on edge, even more so than usual, and Jake wasn't sure what was making her so anxious. Maybe it was his hidden coffee.
"I'll stick to coffee." He said finally, taking another sip. Maybe he was being petty, but he just couldn't bring himself to do anything other than this.
Rosa's jaw twitched again. She sighed, then took a breath, pausing as if she couldn't bring herself to speak. Then, she did.
"Drink it. Now."
Her voice heavy with the inflection of a command.
Jake had taken the cup with automatic hands, and had drunk nearly all of it before it processed in his brain what it was she had done.
He set the cup down with a sharp bang that made his head spin, staring at her with wide eyes.
Rosa looked back, resolute - but with tension in her face. Maybe she was fighting the urge to apologize. Jake didn't know. He didn't care.
He got to his feet shakily. "Get out." He said, voice shaking. "You need to go, I don't… get out."
"I can't." She replied, her voice so rigid that it sounded like it hurt.
"Why." He was too tired to get angry, too tired to even stand anymore, and he sat back down heavily.
Rosa paused, but spoke without any regret or hesitancy. "Because I drugged you, and I'm not going to leave you unmonitored."
"You… what." Jake looked down at the cup. He had liked that one. It had Die Hard on it.
"It'll knock you out." Rosa said, "I promise, I'll make sure you're alright the whole time. You just need to sleep." Her voice cracked towards the end, revealing something far too emotional for her to have ever wanted to reveal.
"Fuck you." He said, standing up - the dizziness hit him harder this time, and he swore he could see bathroom tiles and a red dress - and Rosa's arms were firm around him as she guided him to his bed - he was shoved onto the bed and he could feel the hands gripping him digging in hard, fingernails cutting through the skin of his hips as he was pulled roughly down to give him better leverage - and as she placed him down onto it he swore he could hear her sniffle but that wasn't Rosa, it couldn't have been, it must have been something pulling up from his memory.
Jake fought the pressing sleep every single inch of the way, but he couldn't resist it forever. He was tired, and weak, and his body welcomed rest far more easily than his mind ever could.
He could have sworn he heard Rosa speaking, but even if he had been in a state of mind to listen, he would have refused to. As sleep wrapped around his body like a vine, dragging him underneath the dirt into his coffin, his last thought
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.693604 | -0.662281 | -1.275761 | -1.292957 |
was one of betrayal.
new chapter :)
sorry again for the delay,, also yes that event may or may not coincide with an episode chapter :P
Jake was glad he kept alcohol in his apartment - times like these, it paid off to keep some on hand.
Rosa accepted the beer he offered her, sitting down on his couch and kicking her booted legs up. Jake sat down on the other side of the couch, leaning against the arm of it so he could half-face her.
They drank in silence for a bit - a welcome silence, one of an understanding that they shared.
Sometimes, all Jake needed was for the world to be quiet. In times like those, Rosa was always there for him.
She didn't speak - Rosa never began conversations - and Jake was content in their mutual, quiet companionship. After a bit, Rosa got up, collecting their empty glasses and asking him if he wanted another.
"Yeah," Jake said, "Thanks." He reached out to check his phone - he had silenced it, the thought of getting notifications from Sophia filling him with a sort of... dread, which he couldn't quite place. But Rosa's company had given him some modicum of strength, and he figured it was best not to keep putting it off forever.
Rosa came back, drinks in hand, and passed him one. It was already open, and he drank from it without a thought. He became self-aware halfway through his sip, and had to physically stop himself from reacting to it outwardly. He forced himself to not choke on it, setting the drink down on the table - Rosa wasn't looking at him, and he hoped beyond hope that she didn't notice.
He hadn't been wary of her in fucking years, where was this coming from now?
Maybe it was karma for what he had said to her last night. But that wasn't fair, though - he knew that, if she picked up on his behavior, it would only make her feel bad.
He already felt like shit, he didn't need to make it worse by being an even bigger dick to Rosa.
He wasn't like this, not anymore, not about her. Not for a long time.
Jake couldn't remember most of what happened. He could vaguely recall screaming, horrible screaming - it was his voice, but it couldn't have been him. Couldn't have been. He remembered choking on blood, he thinks - but that might have been a supplemented, false memory. He certainly didn't remember whatever nightmare had grabbed him that night.
He was told he had torn his vocal cords. He didn't think that even made people bleed, so maybe it had been in his head - it felt real, though, when he thought back to it. He could remember choking on it, how it had coated the inside of his throat and made him gag.
Jake could remember bits and pieces later on, too, but tiny fragments of time.
Waking up ever so slightly, and trying to speak - finding himself unable to. His own hands reaching up to find something plastic - intubation, the nurse later informed him, much later - shoved down his throat.
Jake could remember his hand just barely touching the plastic before trying to rip it out - it had all gotten very loud, then. Lots of noise, from people and from machines and then he couldn't remember anything else for a while.
The next time he was awake - well, awake was a strong word. The next time he rose enough out of the haze of whatever it was he was on - sedatives, it turned out, along with what the doctor called the worst case of drop she'd seen all her life - he reached up for a tube again and found that his wrists were restrained to the sides of the bed.
He was pretty sure he had had an extreme reaction to that, since he yanked so hard against them - like a wild animal, he was pretty sure he heard one tech say to another, what was wrong with him? - that he heard something crack. He didn't feel any pain - they had him on a lot of drugs, and besides even if he had felt pain he'd had worse, it hardly mattered if it hurt, Jake honestly couldn't remember if it had hurt or not. But either way, it didn't stop him from pulling against them.
He wished he could speak, if only so he could beg them to just let
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.243251 | -0.757263 | -1.06954 | -1.09196 |
him go, that he could be good if they just let him go.
Something must have come across to them - maybe it was Rosa, he could hear her voice at some point - saying something in a tone of rage that made him wish he wasn't restrained so he could run, get away from the angry dom, don't let her hurt you but just as quickly he was back under whatever they had him on and he was gone.
Either way, the next time he woke up, he lifted his hands towards his neck and found he could reach it, and that the tube was gone.
Jake tried to sit up, groaned, and promptly blacked out from the sheer pain of making that noise.
As the nurse was explaining to him, while showing him a whiteboard, that he had torn his vocal cords, wouldn't be able to speak for a while, sympathy written across her face, the only thing Jake could think was that this was going to be easy.
Ethan didn't like him talking anyways.
When Jake remembered that Ethan wasn't there anymore - that he was out of his life, they weren't together anymore - he wanted to cry. He didn't - it would probably hurt too much. He wasn't sure if it was relief, or humiliation. He didn't want anyone to know he had done this to himself. Over the fear of having a memory of an ex.
Well, Rosa had done it to him, technically. Jake turned the thought over in his head, considering it, before setting it aside for future thought. He was too hopped up on drugs to think straight.
The memory of a red dress and bathroom tiles, a warm hand rubbing circles in his back, a half-full drink on the floor, crossed his mind for a moment, and he shook it away. This wasn't the same thing. Rosa hadn't wanted to hurt him. She'd been trying to help.
Rosa had been there for most of it - whenever he pulled awake she had been there at least - but he felt like some of his memories must have been false.
Like the ones where Ethan would walk in, right past Rosa, and lean over the bed. He'd dig his nails into Jake's neck and it would hurt like agony, but the machines would never beep and no one would ever come. Or the ones where one of the techs would come in and check his wrists from under the restraints, and would whisper that he'd look pretty with one of the restraints around his neck, before wrapping something around his neck and pulling tight until Jake was choking, pain arcing through his throat like a special kind of agony.
Rosa had kept quiet throughout the whole thing, even after he woke up for real this time. When the nurses stopped sedating him every time he moved, and he was able to think without his brain trying to melt, he had written things on the whiteboard to her. She would respond, but never contribute further.
Of course not - Rosa wasn't the type to do that anyways - but Jake's left hand would ache whenever he had to hold the board for too long, courtesy of him apparently dislocating something from the restraints - and he just… didn't know what to say.
Rosa had relayed the situation to him concisely. After she'd drugged him, he'd fallen asleep, where he had slept for a good six or so hours before he had started screaming. He was unable to wake up - she wouldn't look at him as she was saying this, and her shoulders were up higher than normal - and he'd ended up here. He'd been here for the past three and a half days.
Jake hadn't known what to say, really. She didn't apologize, and he wasn't sure he'd have forgiven her if she had.
Well, he would've liked to believe he would, actually. Her still-battered face looked worn, dark circles under eyes even more pronounced than they had been when she'd returned from undercover to find him in his state to begin with. Nor could he begrudge her doing what she had to to get him to just sleep. He told himself that, once he was better, he'd let her know he wasn't mad at her. Not really.
But it never felt the right time, or the right moment, and he'd never gotten around to saying it. And she'd never asked.
She'd never asked.
"Jake," Rosa
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.628395 | -0.304336 | -0.859733 | -0.827482 |
was in his apartment, staring down at him. Her cuts looked a little better - more scabbed, less puffy - but the rest of her face looked worse. Her frown was deeper than usual, and her eyebrows were set low, the only indications of what she may have been feeling.
Jake was glaring back at up at her, irritated. If he could speak, he would have told her where to stick it, but he was unable to. That was her fucking fault, for the record, and the first thing he planned on saying after he was able to was going to be "I fucking told you so".
"You need to eat something."
Jake glared at the cup she had placed before him an hour ago, before pointedly looking away from it. He was being petulant, he knew, but couldn't be bothered to stop himself. He felt justified in it.
Rosa sighed, then went to his fridge, pulling out the same thing - protein shake - and held it out to him. "I won't open it." She said, "Here."
He took it after a moment, staring at it. He felt stupid, but he couldn't shake that feeling. He didn't want to go back there, and she had put him there against his will.
Jake knew a thing or two about things happening against his will.
He broke the seal of the container, and Rosa stepped a couple of paces back, keeping her hands in view.
Like he was going to snap in an instant.
She wasn't wrong in thinking that.
It was strange, in a way - he would never dare to be so outwardly angry, let alone acting on it by refusing to drink what she had given him, with anyone else, except maybe Gina. Maybe… it was because he did feel safe with her. Jake knew that Rosa wasn't going to hurt him for being angry, hurt him for not trusting her.
That made him feel ashamed.
He reached out, tapping her arm. Rosa looked down sharply at the touch, then met his gaze, her expression purposefully blanked out - he could see the emotions beneath that expression though, and he was surprised to see no hurt at all.
Just self-loathing.
Jake wished he could speak, after all. But not to chew her out. He just wanted… he just wanted to tell her that it was okay. That he understood. Because he did. Jake knew he had spiraled, way too far. But… he just wanted to escape it all. That if he could run from it long enough, then maybe the part of his life with Ethan would stop chasing him.
But that wasn't how the real world worked.
And it wasn't fair to Rosa, and it certainly wasn't fair to him, but they could only do what they could to get through it.
Jake hoped he was able to convey that through his eye contact with Rosa.
More likely, it was just him doing puppy eyes at her. So, close enough.
Her expression softened just a bit, but that loathing was still there, under the surface. Jake doubted whether or not it would ever truly go away.
Jake was a full three drinks in before his phone buzzed. He reached for it automatically, clicking it open and squinting at the screen. His stomach flipped as he recognized it.
"It's Sophia," He said to Rosa.
Her drink clinked down onto the coaster, and she leaned over his shoulder to read the texts.
The last one just read: Call me when you're available.
"Guess I should call her." Jake said, going to press the phone button.
Rosa snatched it out of her hand, checking the phone screen. "No, dude, don't- don't talk to her. You said you wanted to end it."
"It'll say I've read it, though." Jake replied, scrabbling for the phone. Rosa let him take it back, unresisting.
"Fine. But act sober." She said shortly.
Jake called, and the phone dialed twice before picking up. There was silence on the other end.
"...Hello?" Jake asked after a moment.
"Jake, I was worried about you." Sophia's voice filled his ear, low and heavy with concern. "What's going on?"
"Nothing." Jake said, staring at the beer bottle in front of him - the taste on
|
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CommonCrawl
| 0.837608 | -0.8548 | -1.673856 | -1.20821 |
his mouth had turned sour, somehow. "I didn't realize we had plans."
"We didn't, but I just wanted to see you. I still do, if you want to come over?" Her voice tilted upwards.
Jake didn't want to. He was comfortable here, with Rosa. "No, I'm… I'm a little busy right now. Maybe this week?"
There was silence on the other side of the line.
"I'm sorry," He apologized, "I just don't really have time right now."
"Can't you make time?" She asked sharply.
Jake tried not to wince - he hated that, he hated that he kept having to find different ways of saying the same excuse.
"I really can't," He said, "I'm too busy. Maybe some other time?"
"Fine." She said, clearly annoyed, before her voice turned playful. "I guess you're going to have to make it up to me then."
"Yep." Jake says, voice sounding strangled even to his own ears.
She ended the call after they exchanged some goodbyes.
Jake stared at his phone. Make it up to her. The memory of her riding him, touching him, filled his mind. He felt like he was going to vomit, could practically taste the bile at the back of his throat.
He stared at the screen until it went black, then looked up. Rosa was watching him, her expression somewhere between concern and anger, both hidden rather poorly behind a mask of indifference. Well, poorly by Rosa's standards anyways. If he hadn't known her so well, she probably would have looked completely disinterested.
Jake was tempted to go along with it - she would prefer if he didn't mention anything, he was sure. Rosa hated personal life talk.
But then… maybe that was why it had gotten so bad before, with Ethan.
Rosa had always been a major part of his support system, ever since the Academy. His precinct didn't exactly welcome him with open arms, aside from Ethan anyways. All he'd really had was Rosa - and Gina, but she was off doing her own thing - and he loved their time spent hanging out. And he hadn't met Charles yet, either, or any of the 99 for that matter.
Being with Rosa was some of the rare times he actually felt like he belonged someplace.
So of course he wasn't going to infringe on her 'no personal life' mandate, he was sure she would have just laughed off his concerns about Ethan anyways.
Though, Jake still didn't really know now. Rosa hated personal life talk, and interpersonal conflict unless it directly related to her, but… he studied her now. He wasn't sure where the line was, when it went from personal life she wouldn't get involved in to where she would. Why did she not care about Ethan giving him an apartment key, but left AMA from the hospital with half her face stitched just because she heard from Gina that he wasn't sleeping?
What was the difference from talking about Sophia before to talking about her now? Why did she seem to be so much more invested in his relationship with Sophia, even before the Shaw's debacle, than she ever had before?
It confused him.
Jake wanted to ask her. But he knew that she wouldn't give him a straight answer - but, well, did he know, actually?
"Rosa," Jake found himself saying, "Why did you ask so much about Sophia?"
Rosa visibly stiffened. "I don't." She said sharply, "I don't care about her."
"I didn't say you did," Jake replied, feeling vaguely off-kilter. He felt weird asking Rosa questions that he knew would upset her, it felt wrong. But he just…
"I'm sorry, I just… I don't get something. You don't… you don't normally ask questions about my personal life, because of the no personal life rule and all, and that's fine, but I guess… ever since I started dating Sophia I've felt like you've been sort of… keeping way more tabs on my life than normal." Jake swallowed. "Just… why is that?"
Rosa sighed, unfolding her arms and putting her elbows on her knees. Setting herself lower, so she seemed less intimid
|
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CommonCrawl
| 0.707189 | -0.979833 | -1.695375 | -1.217064 |
ating.
"That's…" She paused, looking up for a moment before meeting his gaze. "After everything that happened with your ex, I want to make sure you're doing good. I don't want anyone fucking around in your life." Rosa frowned, looking away from him. When she spoke, her voice was ever so slightly shaky. "I don't want to see you hurting like that again."
Jake blinked. "I'm sorry." He wasn't sure of what other response to give. It wasn't fair to her to see him suffer from his own mistakes. "I really… I don't mean to keep doing this to myself." He apologized, "And I'm sorry that it's interfering with your life."
Rosa swiveled her head around to look at him, eyebrows high. "That's not what this is about, dumbass. You aren't the one doing this to yourself, and if I didn't want you interfering I wouldn't let you. It's not your fault you've got a bad relationship, it can happen to anyone."
"But it's happened to me twice now." Jake argued, "Doesn't that make it my-"
"Nope." Rosa cut him off, "It just means you got unlucky twice."
"Okay." Jake replied, not wholly convinced, but deciding to drop the subject, as Rosa clearly wanted him to do. "Let's drink some more."
Rosa nodded in approval, and lifted her beer. Jake politely ignored the slight flicker on her face - one of worry - as she did so, and instead lifted his own drink once more. The taste of the beer no longer appealed to him, it only served to keep back the nausea he was feeling as Sophia's words repeated themselves through his skull.
The rest of Saturday passed in a drunken blur, Rosa taking the couch - not sober enough to drive or public transport, and she fully refused to ever take a cab to her home.
Jake supposed he should be flattered that Rosa would allow herself to be so vulnerable as to sleep in front of him, but she did it so regularly that he didn't really pay it any mind.
Not that he was sleeping, anyways - he was staring at his phone, typing and deleting and retyping a message to Amy.
He wanted so badly to talk to her. Jake wasn't even sure what about, just… something. Anything. He pictured her smile, the one she gave him when he was able to actually crack her up, and his heart twisted for a moment.
There was nothing to talk about, not really. She'd seen him freak out, okay, yeah, and he was pretty sure she knew something was up with him and Sophia, which, great, that's embarrassing. But at least she didn't know about Ethan. That, at least, he was able to play close to his chest. Even if her opinion of him was irrevocably brought down from Sophia, at least… at least it wouldn't be as much as it would be with his ex.
But then… Amy always talked about supporting subs, and seemed like she was against Sophia on it. Didn't blame him for anything. Granted, she didn't know what had happened - and Jake wasn't entirely sure what happened either, actually - but still. Maybe she would… have his back, if he told her about it.
But today wasn't the time. Not when he was buzzed, not when he was heading for a breakup he didn't entirely understand but was definitely behind - anything to get away from that nausea, that anxiety he felt whenever he thought of Sophia - not when it was a Saturday night and she had a sub of her own.
The remembrance of Teddy only reinforced his decision to not bother Amy. There was no point in hoping that she would come whisk him away to a world of acceptance, not when she already had a perfectly acceptable, perfectly perfect sub already.
Jake instead chose to take the coward's route - sleep away his troubles.
Maybe Sunday, things would change for the better.
Jake woke up Sunday morning to find that Rosa had left.
That… wasn't entirely unexpected, so he didn't think too much of it, instead checking his phone. There weren't any new messages, and Jake pretended that he didn't feel as relieved by that as
|
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CommonCrawl
| 0.703114 | -1.182936 | -1.842419 | -1.440947 |
he was.
Hangover eggs and coffee did their work, and he was up and about easily enough, shoving his laundry into his washer and forcing the knob to turn - it was kinda broken when he moved in, and more broken now. Chores didn't stop just because life was on fire, and Jake actually found the things he normally hated - laundry, dishes, cleaning, all the stuff that had to be done all the time but never ended - oddly soothing.
He was up to his elbow inside the oven - cleaning it, for the first time, well, ever - when his phone buzzed.
Well. The good times had to end eventually.
Jake checked it warily, a pit in his stomach, but that dissipated into a strange jolt as he read it as having been from Amy.
Hey Jake, do you want to get coffee before work Tuesday?
Jake typed back an affirmation, and then placed his phone down, looking back at the oven, which suddenly no longer looked interesting to clean.
He had nothing else to do, though, so he might as well finish.
Monday morning, Jake felt jittery. It had nothing to do with caffeine - he hadn't even had a cup yet - and definitely nothing to do with how Terry was finishing up one last piece of paperwork before they headed out.
Jake wished he could get out of this, somehow. He wanted to make an excuse and back out and then never have to so much as look in the direction of Sophia ever again. As the time creeped closer and closer to the defense attorney function, he found himself becoming more and more antsy. All he wanted to do was run, run and never look back. He didn't want to go. It felt like… like he was coming back to his and Ethan's shared apartment after staying out late.
He hated that feeling.
Jake opened the door as quietly as he could manage, slipping inside and putting his keys on their hook on the wall and slipping his shoes off. He removed his jacket, hanging it over the back of a chair. In the darkened room - the sun having set so long ago - he squinted as he made his way towards the bathroom, clicking on the light in order to remove his contacts.
Grimacing, he tried to rush through his nightly routine - he was already so late, there was no point. Ethan was probably asleep at that point, and Jake hoped that he wasn't upset. He knew he'd be disappointed in him for staying out so late, and he hated to upset him.
Jake turned off the light, slinking across the floor in his socks as he went to the bedroom. As he opened the door, he saw a glint of pale yellow light emanating from it. Heart sinking into his chest, he opened it all the way, coming inside of it.
Ethan looked up from the book he was evidently reading, expression turning into relief.
"Jake!" He stood up, setting it aside, and came up to him, giving him a warm embrace. "I was so worried when you didn't come home! Is everything alright?"
"Yeah, it's fine," Jake replied, "I got stuck with some paperwork, is all. My phone died."
"Oh," Ethan pulled back to look him over, concern pulling across his face. "I do wish you'd remember to bring a phone charger with you. I was beside myself with worry."
"I'm sorry," Jake said, guilt filling him at the thought of Ethan in the apartment, waiting around for him. Not knowing if he was okay or not. "I usually do, but I totally spaced."
"It's okay. I know you didn't mean to upset me." Ethan said, pulling him back into another embrace.
Jake hugged him back, feeling a nauseous tightness in his chest at the thought of the worry he'd caused. "I'm sorry," He said quietly.
Ethan pulled back and kissed him, soft and gentle, before smiling at him - all the concern on his face having completely vanished, replaced with something much more sultry. "Well, you're here now. We can… alleviate some of the energy I've gotten from being worried for you." He leaned forward, kissing Jake once more, a bit deeper.
Jake felt warmth pulse through
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.927271 | -1.180341 | -1.698961 | -1.234772 |
him immediately, and returned the kiss eagerly - the press of guilt not quite going away, but certainly lending itself to the desire to please Ethan. To make up for his error. Besides, Jake'd been wanting this all day…
Terry and Jake were standing in the courthouse, and Terry was frowning at Jake.
"Why are you so nervous, man? Sophia's going to be there, it'll be easier."
Jake made a face, fiddling with the hem of his dress shirt, making a noncommittal, "Mm," sound.
Terry's eyebrows furrowed. "What the hell? I thought you and Sophia were doing good."
"I mean, we are, I think. She's just been… distant lately." Jake lied. The actual answer - that she wasn't distant enough - wasn't really something he wanted to discuss with the Sarge.
"What'd you do wrong?" Terry asked.
Jake internally winced at that. "Nothing!" He defended hotly. Her hands on his chest, her thighs against his sides, riding down on him and whispering-
"Well, it better be fine, because I brought you here because you're her boyfriend. I need to talk with her boss, Hoytsman, and convince him to support the prosecutor on a case I'm working." Terry reminded.
"Yes, yes, we reviewed this a million times. He likes skiing, his dog, Atlantic City, and slave movies - sketch."
"Very sketchy, yes. But we need to focus on getting in good with him, got it?"
"Seriously, though, Jake, is everything alright?"
Jake nodded, swallowing around the lump in his throat.
Terry's eyebrows furrowed, and he opened his mouth as if to speak, when one of the sets of doors nearby opened, and all the well-dressed people around them began trickling in.
"Looks like it's time." He said instead.
Jake nodded. "Put on your phonies smile, Sarge. We're going into the belly of the beast."
Terry cracked him a wide, fake grin, and the pair entered the Association of the Brooklyn Public Defenders. As they pushed open the doors - heavy wooden ones with hinges so well oiled they didn't even think about squeaking - and entered, Terry and him wore those broad, fake smiles so well loved by the attorneys of the world.
They'd barely made it a few steps in before the attorneys took notice of them, a few side eyes being thrown their way. Jake's eyes flitted around, looking for Sophia - he saw her standing beside an older man, who looked put together aside from a slightly askew tie.
Jake immediately recognized him as her boss, Jeffrey Hoytsman. The reason they were there in the first place. He just needed to get Sophia to introduce him and Terry, then Terry could do all the talking and then bingpot, Terry'd get the evidence appeal waived for his robbery case.
Sophia turned, making eye contact with him. Rather than seeming pleased, though, she looked… frazzled. She turned to her boss - Hoytsman, Jake was pretty sure his name was - and said something, before making her way over to them.
"Jake!" She said, voice hushed. "What are you doing here?"
"Heyyy, girlfriend!" Jake said, before shaking his head. "Sorry, that came out way saucier than I meant. How's it going?"
"Good, but, what are you doing here?" Sophia glanced at Terry, then back at him. "I thought we agreed Thursday wasn't a big deal?" She asked.
Jake blinked, momentarily stunned - he didn't intend to bring that up, and Terry was staring at him - and then said the first thing that popped into his head. "Yep! Well, I'm not here to talk to you, actually, I'm here to talk to your boss, Jeffrey Hoytsman."
"Oh, god." Sophia sighed.
"Oh good indeed!"
"You misheard me on purpose."
"Maybe. But either way, I'm going to talk to Hoytsman, we
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.552317 | -0.957122 | -1.365422 | -1.41818 |
're gonna bond, and then he's going to help Sarge here with a case he's working on."
"What case would that be?" Sophia asked, turning to Terry.
Terry, thankfully, didn't so much as pause before launching into a brief explanation of the issue. Sophia nodded along politely, waiting for him to finish, before shaking her head.
"Not gonna happen. Jeffrey doesn't like cops, he's not going to help you out. Not if it'll risk his own counsel."
"That can be for him to decide-"
"Hello, Sophia." Hoytsman appeared at Sophia's side, "Sergeant Jeffords," He acknowledged, before turning to Jake, "Detective Peralta."
"Please, my friends call me Jakey Snowpants, from how much skiing I do.Carving moguls on a black diamond."
"I prefer cross-country skiing." Hoytsman replied, "No point in calling it a sport if gravity does all the work."
"Hm, yeah, gravity." Jake nodded - shit, he hadn't known there was more than one kind of skiing. "Anyway, I've been spending most of my weekends at Atlantic City these days."
"Oh, that place is a dump," Hoytsman said disdainfully. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to steal Sophia away."
As the two went off, Jake turned to Terry, who had replaced his phony smile with a frown. "I don't get it. Why would he spend so much time in a place he hates? There must be something there he loves." He paused, then grinned. "I bet he loves to gamble."
Jake waited a few minutes, until Sophia and Hoytsman split off from each other, and then he approached - Terry waiting in the wings, clearly not on board with whatever thing Jake was about to do.
As he approached, Hoytsman's smile tightened ever so slightly. "I'm going to grab something to eat," He said, turning.
"Hey," Jake said, "Bet you five bucks you can't guess three of the hor deourves they're serving."
Hoytsman paused. "I'll take that action."
Terry obligingly appeared about five bets later, and laid on the ground so Jake could line up eggrolls beside him. He was giving Jake a sort of resigned look, seemingly indifferent to the entire situation - so long as he got on Hoytsman's good side to get his case thing done, he didn't seem to mind the shenanigans.
Jake's phone kept buzzing throughout the night, and, at one point pulling it out to check as Hoytsman was distracted lining up a tomato shot, saw that all of them were from Sophia. He didn't check theml, but the most recent one read,
You don't need to be here. You're going to embarrass me in front of my colleagues. Go now, or else I… The rest of it required him to unlock his phone. Jake didn't bother to.
Hoytsman certainly seemed to be enjoying himself, at any rate, eyes bright and practically skipping as they placed bet after bet, seemingly oblivious to the wayward glances of his colleagues.
As Hoytsman left to go to the restroom, Sophia came back up, looking even more irritated than before.
"Jake, what are you still doing here? I asked you to leave, and were you talking to Hoytsman just now?"
"Yep. We're bonding." Jake nodded, feeling his heartrate jump up at the sight of her. "Sarge's getting in his good graces with some old-fashioned betting. Oh!" He cast about for an idea to leave, he didn't want to see her irritation at him. Her anger. "I should bet him I can pee longer than he can. Be right back."
He brushed by Sophia - pretending that the touch didn't make him want to shudder - and headed to the bathroom.
He opened the door, and said, "Hello Jeffrey."
Hoytsman turned around, revealing lines of a white substance, some of it on his nose. "Oh, hello!" He said cheerfully
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| -0.104618 | -1.197212 | -1.049814 | -1.357465 |
.
"...And that's cocaine." Jake said slowly, closing his eyes and reopening them to see the same scene before him.
"It's no biggie. Hey, I bet I can snort all of this coke before you finish peeing." Hoytsman offered.
"No? I'm going to have to arrest you, you know."
"What? Why? I'm not doing anything illegal."
"There's literally cocaine on your jacket right now."
"What?" Hoytsman looked down, then snorted it up. "No there isn't."
"Oh my… Okay, come with me nice and calm, or I'll handcuff you in front of your coworkers."
"I bet you won't."
Jake pulled out his handcuffs regretfully. "I bet I will."
He emerged from the bathroom, making a beeline straight for Terry - who, fuck was talking with Sophia at that very moment.
Looking up, Terry's face morphed into one of exasperation, and Sophia turned.
"Heyyy, so, no biggie, but I did just arrest your boss." Jake said, uncomfortable grin on his face.
"Well, I read that wrong." Terry said, glancing at Sophia, who rolled her eyes.
"He was doing cocaine."
"Okay, so I accidentally got some cocaine-"
"No, you put it in your nose on purpose."
"I don't even think I have a nose, Peralta. I certainly cannot feel it. The defense rests!"
"What is going on?" Another attorney turned around to see what was happening.
"Sophia's cop boyfriend is arresting me in front of my friends and colleagues!" Hoytsman's voice raised, and the room fell silent, everyone turning to look at them.
"Hey, everyone, I'm Jake." He raised his hand awkwardly. "So, who here's seen 12 years a slave? Won best picture."
Terry grimaced. "Come on, Jake, let's go."
Sophia looked completely blank, her attorney face firmly in place. She got out of the way, and Terry led Jake and Hoytsman out.
Hoytsman continued to protest the whole way, saying that this was racial profiling - Terry rolling his eyes so hard it looked like he was getting an exorcism - and they were in the squad car soon enough, bringing him back to the precinct.
"So… about that case." Jake began to Terry.
"Just… not a word." Terry replied, gripping the steering wheel so tightly Jake thought it might bend.
Once Hoytsman had gone through some processing - still no less chatty - he was sitting at the chair beside Jake's desk, still handcuffed but seemingly much more down from his high. At least, enough that he could think straight enough to be a real dick about it.
"You screwed this up, buddy. You think she's gonna still love you after this? She'll see who you are now."
"Hey," Jake looked up, keeping his voice even. "You don't know anything about me and Sophia."
"What? I'm talking to myself. About my wife. She is not gonna like this. Who cares about you and your gross life?"
"Hey, Jake, heads up." Terry said from across the bullpen.
Jake turned to see Sophia walking over. If she looked irritated before, she looked enraged now.
"Sophia!" He stood up. "I'm so glad you're here, I wanted to talk-"
"I'm not here to talk with you." She said shortly, "I'm here as Jeffrey's attorney."
"Okay look, I know that you're mad." Jake began, "But I talked to the DA and he agreed to drop the charges. Jeffrey just has to do a little bit of community service and it won't even go on his record."
"Not good enough. You have no evidence."
"Sophia, he literally did cocaine in front of me. And the evidence tested positive as cocaine."
Sophia scoffed.
"I had to arrest him! I had no choice."
"Really? Cause I can think
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| -0.220008 | -0.812581 | -1.017536 | -1.354936 |
of 50 other ways you could've handled this scenario."
"Oh my God, you're such a lawyer."
"You're such a child!" Sophia snapped back. "I have one night with you where I tell you I want something, and you go and ignore me- and then show up to bother my boss without even letting me know?"
"How is it my fault your jerk of a boss stuck his jerk nose into a pile of jerk cocaine?"
"Okay, you know what? We're done."
"Alright, fine. I'll talk to the DA, see if I can cut the community service in half, how's that?"
"No, Jake, not with the case. You and I are done."
Jake jerked back, feeling a surge of confusion and anxiety burst up inside of him. Underneath it was a not insubstantial amount of relief - he didn't have to do it, now, she was going to - but mostly he just felt blindsided.
Sophia turned and walked away, entering the elevator.
"Holy shit." Terry said, "That's… that's rough, man."
Jake didn't respond, didn't even look in his direction. He just bolted for the stairs, swinging the door open and heading down them.
"Hang on, Sophia!" He said, bursting through the door, barely managing to stop her outside.
"Little winded there?" She asked.
"Yeah, give me a sec. Can you just talk for like, 20 minutes while I try to catch my breath?"
"I don't have anything to say." She crossed her arms.
"This is just a stupid fight over nothing, I'm not going to let us break up over this." Jake didn't want them to end over this, he realized - not her dumping him over screwing over her boss. He wanted it to end with him telling her how she had hurt him, her apologizing and changing for the better and then holding him close and loving him-
"It's not about this, Jake. Our jobs are incompatible. Our lives are incompatible. Alright, look, Jake, you're fun, okay? And we've only been dating for three months. It's just not that serious."
"Well, it's kinda serious to me." Jake said, "Look, we can make it work-"
"Work how? Jake," She looked sympathetic for a moment, but still in a controlled way - still in a lawyer kind of way. "You and I… it can be fun, sure, but… you can't honestly expect me to want to be with you permanently. Not when you can't meet any of my needs."
"Which needs?" Jake felt like his head was stuffed with cotton, fit to bursting, scraping along the inside of his skull. He already knew the answer - he had always known the answer.
"You won't- ugh, do I even need to say it?" She didn't wait for him to answer, "I can't say it nicely, there's no sugarcoating. Look, I can tell that you've been through some stuff, it's obvious, but that doesn't change the fact that I need someone - a sub - who meets my needs. And, that's not going to ever be you. I thought maybe, last time you spent the night, it would… it would happen, but you just can't. And that's not on you, it's just… an incompatibility."
"This isn't fair." Jake found himself saying. "You don't get to break up with me. My friends told me to break up with you."
"Well, they were right." As she turned to leave, Jake couldn't make himself follow.
He watched her go.
She didn't look back.
Jake wasn't sure how long he stood out there, as the cold from the snow sunk into his shoes, but when he finally did come to awareness of himself, he couldn't feel his fingers. He hadn't grabbed a jacket, in his haste to catch up to her.
He trudged back upstairs, ignoring Terry's concerned look, and suggested they go to Shaw's. Work had ended anyways.
They went off in the direction of Shaw's - work had ended hours ago anyways - and stuck his num
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.258874 | -1.129727 | -2.028914 | -1.430828 |
bed hands into his pockets.
It seemed that misery wanted company, because when he entered, he saw Holt - whose demeanour could only be described as sulking - and found himself wandering over to him.
"Hey, Captain. How's it going?"
"Terribly. Wuntch has been plotting, and she played me like a fiddle."
"Oh. That sucks." Jake didn't know who Wuntch was, but okay. "My girlfriend broke up with me."
"Come on, Captain, you didn't fail. You took the high road with Wuntch, that counts for something."
"Not entirely. While in her office, I changed her computer so it would autocorrect "Wuntch" to "Butt"." Holt replied.
Jake would have enjoyed that, he thought numbly, if he was in a better frame of mind.
"Ahh, I should not have gone to that party. I should not have gone into that bathroom, I should not have arrested her boss." Jake grumbled, putting his face in his hands. Her words - I need someone - a sub - who can meet my needs swam through his head. He should've just gone into subspace. Should've just kept texting her, or something.
No, he recentered himself. He should have broken up with her first, so that he'd never had heard that. That would've been the right approach.
"I don't see it that way." Terry replied. "You did everything right. You were a good cop."
"Good lonely cop."
"Hey man, you put yourself out there. I haven't seen you date anyone except for that friend of Boyle's in all the time I've known you. You liked Sophia, you fought for her. You should be proud."
"No, you should be changing her autocorrect. What's her last name?"
"No, it's Butt now. Sophia Butt."
Jake couldn't help but chuckle - Holt seemed completely genuine, and there was a slight lightness to his voice that Jake appreciated.
Holt seemed pleased by the laugh, and said, "That feels good, doesn't it?"
The smile slipped from Jake's face. "Not really."
"Okay." He paused, "Then let's get soused."
"Oh, okay, okay, okay!" Jake flagged down the bartender.
As he drank himself stupid with his Captain and his Sarge, he couldn't help but reflect on, how even though he felt this crushing weight in his chest - Sophia breaking up with him, another failed relationship on his end, her reasoning for doing so - he, at the same time, felt lighter than he had ever since that night they shared.
The night where she took, and he gave - gave more than he meant, than he wanted.
But still, Jake thought dourly, even giving Sophia all of that wasn't enough for her.
Jake waved at Amy, who was standing outside by the preferred coffee stand of their precinct. A few cops were milling about already, cups in hand, and the man who ran the stand was chatting with one of the uniformed ones while digging out more sugar packets from a drawer.
Amy noticed him, and her expression - which had seemed a bit strained - lit up into a smile as she waved back.
It was cold out - not bitterly so, but enough that the coffee would be a welcome source of warmth.
"Hey," She said, "How's it going?"
"Good, you?" He replied automatically.
"Cold." Amy said back - true to form, she was bundled up far beyond what the weather called for. Her hands were buried as deep in her pockets as she could manage.
They ordered their coffees - hers with milk, his with as much sugar as he could reasonably fit into it - and walked over to an outcropping of the precinct so that they were out of the wind.
"How's it all going?" She asked him, sipping from her cup. "I heard you busted a DA for cocaine yesterday, that's a little crazy."
"Yeah, that was a bit… unexpected." He laughed a little, "It didn't work out for me though. Sophia and I broke up." He said it almost automatically - he wasn't sure what had prompted him to do that. He'd brushed off Terry's concerns,
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.590356 | -1.106367 | -1.340317 | -1.271454 |
and done his best to move past it - i.e., not think about it for even a second - but he found the news on his tongue anyways. Amy was just so easy to talk to.
"Oh!" She seemed taken aback, "I'm… sorry to hear that, that must have been difficult. How did she take it?"
"Oh, no, no, she… she broke up with me, actually." He explained, feeling his face warm slightly with embarrassment.
"...What?" Her voice went up a pitch. "She broke up with you? What for?"
"Uh, the guy I arrested was her boss." Jake replied - he didn't really feel the desire to tell her about everything else she'd said to him - "So, she broke up with me."
"I can't believe that!" Amy said sharply, "How could someone be so underhanded!"
"Not really." Jake defended. He didn't know why he was taking Sophia's side, and he wanted to stop, but he couldn't seem to help it. "I mean, it's not like she knew I was going to break up with her. And it doesn't really matter, because it's over either way."
"Well, yeah, and I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm glad you're out of that relationship, but…" Amy's face scrunched a bit, as if she was trying to find the right way to phrase something. "It seems… manipulative for her to have done that. Did you at least get to say your piece to her, about your own issues with the relationship?"
"Oh, that never really came up." Jake replied, giving her a pained grin. He wished he had had the guts to tell Sophia how he really felt. How she had made him feel, after that night. The way his skin crawled, how he felt nauseous just at the thought of her touching him again. How the sight of her made him ill, her smile threatening, her hands weapons to wield against him.
But he hadn't. And now he never would.
It made him feel equal parts relieved and upset.
"Um…" She seemed at a loss for words. "I'm surprised it didn't, I guess. It seemed like something that would matter. To you." She added on the last piece hurriedly - as if reminding him, or maybe herself, that the issue affected him.
"Yeah, I know, it did, that doesn't mean I need to share my problems all the time. I have issues, we can move on."
Amy nodded quickly, "Sorry, if I overstepped-"
"No, you're good. I know you have my back." Jake said simply. "I didn't mean to snap, it's just… been a long week."
They walked in an odd silence for a bit after that, neither quite sure what to say.
"Anyways, how're you and Teddy doing?" Jake changed the topic, trying for lightness to his tone.
Amy's expression morphed into one of annoyance. "Teddy," She said - tone slightly irritated - "And I are not… necessarily going well."
"Oh, really?" Jake wasn't sure how he felt about that. "What's the, uh, problem? With him."
"He's just so boring!" Amy gestured with her cup, nearly spilling her coffee, "All he ever does is talk about freaking Pilsners and… just, he doesn't have an opinion on anything - except Pilsners, of course.
"That's… wow." Jake blinked, confused. "I thought you two were good together." He didn't understand how they weren't working out perfectly. Amy was the perfect dom - smart, motivated, kind - and Teddy was, well, everything Jake wasn't. He was so… Jake wasn't sure how to explain it. Teddy was just… able to be a sub so easily? There was no war within him - at least, not one that Jake could see - about his place, no fear of being an object. He didn't push back against his lot in life, and seemed to genuinely enjoy his identity. Teddy was just so… content with his role. Just like Amy was.
"Yeah, I thought we would be too." Then, tilting her head, she asked, "What makes you think we were good together?"
"Oh, just
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.593073 | -1.294546 | -1.946426 | -1.163939 |
, you know, he's…" worthy "really nice." He finished, somewhat awkwardly.
"He is nice. Just so, so, so boring. He never jokes, or tells me what he wants, or wants to do anything out of the routine, or…" She broke herself off suddenly, looking flustered, "Um, well, anyways, enough about me. I guess we're both having relationship stuff going on. Not that I'm comparing our situations!" She added quickly, "Just that, if you need someone to talk to, I'm here for you."
"Yeah, thanks. And same. If you ever wanna complain about Teddy, I'm all ears." Jake belatedly hoped that didn't sound sarcastic.
"Thanks." Amy didn't seem to notice an issue with his words.
Jake drank some of his drink to avoid looking at her, sort of staring off into the middle distance. He wanted to… he wasn't sure. He had gone home after Shaw's and slept, hadn't dreamt at all. Still, he felt that unease that creeped up whenever he spent too long thinking he was okay. That knowledge that, no matter how well he seemed to be, it would always come crashing down.
"Anyways," Amy said after a moment, "I'm glad you were able to… fix that situation. I'm really happy for you."
"You're happy that I got dumped?" Jake raised an eyebrow, joking, "Your priorities are weird, Amy."
"No, I mean," Amy looked away, looking awkward, "I just mean that, um, I really do think that it's for the best. I only want you to be cared for like you deserve."
Jake's mouth felt dry, and he doubted drinking coffee would help. After a beat, he swallowed, and then gave her a wide grin. "Well, you'd be the first." As Amy looked at him concernedly, he continued. "This is a weirdly deep convo to be having so early, come on. I'm not drunk enough for this. Besides, this is going to be the first time I'm not actually late to the morning briefing, so thanks for that. Maybe Holt will be impressed."
"I am impressed, Peralta. You managed to arrive at the designated time for your job."
"See?" Jake mouthed to Amy, who rolled her eyes.
"Unfortunately, there is little time to celebrate this monumental occasion." Holt continued, "As there is a current situation that requires our attention."
Terry stepped forward, opening his powerpoint. "There's been a massive surge in armed muggings in the area. It's getting towards tourist season-", "-As if that ever stops-" Rosa muttered. Terry nodded in her direction, but continued, "The spike's likely related to that. So, we need to increase patrols in that area. In the meantime, we've got quite a few witness statements to take care of, and some backlogged evidence to go through. It's going to be a long day, guys."
Grumbling, the uniformed officers headed out, while the squad - no happier with the morning's briefing - trudged into the bullpen.
"This is lame." Rosa said, "Tourists should just not carry money with them. Idiots."
"Honestly, it'd probably be safer for them. How many statements do we have to get through?"
"Thirty-five." She replied.
"35?" Jake rubbed his hand over his face, "Cool, cool, cool, well, this is going to be super fun."
"-and I would describe them as 'ghetto', yes." The woman he was interviewing at his desk had been effectively monologuing for the past two minutes and 18 seconds. "The person who attacked me was definitely not white - I noticed that right away. I'm not racist or anything, obviously, but, well, being from out of state - I'm just visiting, by the way, I'm not sure if you noticed - we don't really see those kind of people where I'm from. Not that there's anything wrong with them! So long as they, you know, behave and all that. But clearly they can't, that man was so violent, so aggressive!"
"So, all I asked you was what street
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.214043 | -1.269239 | -1.238803 | -0.994288 |
you were on when you were mugged." Jake replied, head in hands.
"Oh, well, I don't know. I don't read signs, that's not my job. But I bet that mugger wouldn't know either, he didn't seem educated, like he could read you know?"
Jake sighed. "Okay, well, thank you for your time. You were mugged somewhere in this district, you don't know where, or by who, or what they looked like-"
"Well I knew they were-" She lowered her voice to a whisper, "Not white."
"Yes, thank you. That will be very helpful. You may go."
The woman left - grumbling about something unintelligible but likely offensive - and Jake rubbed at his face, looking at the report he'd gotten from her. It was abysmally lacking in details, to say the least. He flipped it over to the completed pile - he'd gotten what he could - and opened the next one.
"Is there a John Johnson here?"
"Yes," A deeply fake tanned man split off from the complaining queue in the waiting room to sit down across from him.
"John Johnson, alright. Can you explain what happened?"
"Sure." He crossed his leg, sandaled foot nearly knocking over a stack of paperwork. "There I was, minding my own business, exploring the city, when some dude comes up and steals my bag. I yell at him, and no one does anything." He shook his head, astounded. "I mean, where I'm from, that kind of thing would never fly."
"Mm." Jake nodded. "Where are you from?"
"Why do you need to know that? I don't want you signing me up for advertisers."
"For… the report?"
"No way I'm giving you my address. I don't want you knowing that."
"I mean… I can leave it blank?" Jake offered. Useless report, then.
"Oh, sure, fine then." He shrugged. "Guy who mugged me was tall, built like a boxer, and he had a knife."
"Do you know where you were?"
"Um, somewhere in Central Park? I don't know."
"Okay. What was around you? Any statues, or buildings, or anything memorable?"
"Um, trees." He said, as if Jake was stupid. "You know, plants and stuff."
Jake resisted the urge to slam his head into his desk until he either passed out or was sent home. Instead, he just smiled and nodded. "Okay. Do you remember what the guy looked like?"
"I told you, he was tall and buff."
"Okay, but was he wearing a certain outfit, his hair color, that kind of thing?"
"Who pays attention to that? In my opinion, a man can dress however he feels."
Jake glanced over the man's horrific outfit, complete with sandals, and nodded. "I can see why you'd think that."
"These statements are stupid," Rosa slapped her files on top of his completed pile. "None of these tourists know anything."
"You're telling me." Jake muttered, "I've gone through seven so far, and no one's seen anything."
"Yeah," Rosa rolled her eyes. "These are such a waste of time. And it's all we're doing for the next fucking week, looks like."
"Great." Jake sighed, "We'll be lucky to even get one of these guys."
"Yeah." Rosa leaned down against his desk, thumbing through one of his incomplete files - the witness had called him a slur when he'd asked where he was from and stormed off - looking over it with a bit more attention that it really warranted.
"You good, Rosa?" Jake asked. "What's up?"
"I'm fine." She replied. Rosa glanced around furtively, before leaning in and lowering her voice. "I heard from Sarge that you and Sophia broke up. Did it go well, or do you need me to set her car on fire?"
"It's fine." Jake shrugged, "We broke up, I arrested her boss, it's all good."
"Cool. If you
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| -0.351106 | -1.193968 | -0.767382 | -0.86448 |
do need anything vandalized-"
"Yeah, yeah, you'll be the first one I come to." Jake waved his hand dismissively.
Rosa nodded approvingly, before pushing off to go back to her own desk. Sighing, Jake turned his attention back to his paperwork. He hated working this part of the job - he liked actually getting in the action, connecting the pieces to solve mysteries. This sort of thing… sitting around, pushing paperwork for hours - and days, and weeks - on end felt like he was back to being treated like a secretary, rather than the detective he was.
"Here, I've got a job for you." A stack of files plopped down onto his desk.
"Thanks," Jake said sourly, flipping it open.
A hand came down over the file, slamming in the center of it. "Is that attitude from you, Peralta?"
"No," Jake gritted out, tone sarcastic. "I'm very grateful for the opportunity to do your job, Wiseman."
"That's what I thought." The hand didn't come up - instead, Wiseman leant forward, pushing himself into Jake's space. Jake forced himself not to move back, not to flinch away. "You're never gonna make detective without putting in the work. Well, one of two kinds of work, anyways. How did you get that bonus this year?"
"I did the most overtime." Jake replied, voice steady. His foot was bouncing under the desk a mile a minute. "And if you keep crawling all over my desk, I'm going to have to use yours." Jake cracked a wide grin, "And I don't think you'd like the crumbs."
Wiseman snorted, then let go - his amusement at Jake's joke managing to get him to back off. Jake let out a slow breath, pulling the file closer to himself, looking down at it to try to seem aloof. He could see the paper trembling slightly in his hands, but Wiseman didn't seem to notice - and he certainly would've mocked him if he had.
The case had already been solved. Jake wished he could have been given this case to solve, rather than just to type up the report. He could've at least been given the chance to try. But, well, he was still technically just a beat cop. He'd passed the detective requirements, he was just waiting on the Captain to actually approve the transfer.
He'd been waiting for a while, now. Jake'd asked Ethan to give the Captain a push, and Ethan had sworn he had, but… well, it hadn't happened yet.
But that wasn't Ethan's fault. This Captain was always kinda slow with paperwork. And old-fashioned. Jake fully trusted that Ethan had done everything he could to get the approval pushed through - he couldn't ask for a bigger supporter than his boyfriend.
In the meantime, though, all he had to think about was typing up this report. Trying to suppress his disappointment, Jake opened the file on his computer, and began filling it out boredly, ignoring Wiseman's sardonic amusement.
That wasn't a fair comparison, Jake told himself firmly as he shook his head, trying to clear the memory from his mind. Everyone here was doing the paperwork, not just him. A glance around confirmed that for him - even Amy, who normally loved paperwork, seemed irritated by the lack of progress being made in regards to its usefulness, and was actively typing away, laminator whirring.
Jake typed up the papers he could get done - he somehow managed to finish faster than Amy, likely because of a laminator jam - and went to hand them in to Holt.
"Peralta." Holt acknowledged as he entered.
"It is going adequately." He said, "I had been hoping to finish this paperwork by noon, but I can see that was a fool's error."
"O-kay." Jake set his own papers down on the stack haphazardly, causing some of the papers to spill out onto the desk and floor. "Ah, sorry, one sec."
"By all means, vandalize my office." Holt said dryly.
Jake looked up, hands full of papers, and saw a faintly amused expression - he was joking
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.497976 | -0.869521 | -1.143062 | -0.754119 |
with him - before resuming picking up the stray papers. He felt surprisingly ease by Holt's ribbing - it felt a bit like they'd bonded the previous night, even more so than before. It made Jake feel a bit more comfortable in his own skin, and he had the feeling that Holt genuinely cared about him. Jake knew the feeling was likely his own projection, but even so.
Putting the papers back on the desk, he idly scanned one, and read -volvement with subazepam trafficking on a city-wide level. The current team was hand-picked, and while we appreciate your input, there is no need to reallocate either resources or officers for this current taskforce. Sincerely, The Office of the Commissioner, One Police Plaza
"You were trying to get one of the officers put onto the subazepam investigation?" Jake asked, feigning nonchalance - and almost certainly failing completely.
"Yes." Holt said, straightening the stack of papers more to his preference. He was almost certainly going to pull out a ruler once Jake left. "They refused, however."
"Who were you trying to get put on?"
Holt seemed to deliberate telling him for a moment. "I was planning on asking Santiago."
"Why?" The word came out before Jake really meant to, sharper than he meant to. Amy was qualified for it, of course, but he was… he felt like he had expected it to be him. Hadn't even known the option existed until now, but had wanted it to be him.
Holt sat back in his chair. "I understand that you are upset. You and Santiago are both very committed. I had made the decision for a few key reasons. The primary one is that Santiago is less invested than you. She will be able to approach the situation in a way that is both objective and rational."
"I can be objective." Jake argued. His voice sounded whiny to even himself.
"Peralta, your dedication has always been one of your strengths. Don't mistake my decision for condemnation of that trait."
"Whatever. It doesn't matter, you got rejected anyways. It's fine." Jake said, turning, "I'm going to go back to my desk."
"Peralta, one final note."
Jake paused. Holt looked… for lack of a better word, he looked concerned.
"It is in regards to what happened with your partner. Should you need to take some time off, you may do so."
"Thanks, but I'm good."
"Very well." Holt hesitated. "If that should ever change, please tell me."
"Yeah, yeah, I will."
As Jake awkwardly left, he heard the distinct sound of Holt shifting papers - and a glance back confirmed that a ruler was in hand.
the drama,,, the connections,,,, the peraltiago approaching season 2 finale behavior,,,, dcjfnvhghnh
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| -0.198951 | -1.241397 | -1.514259 | -1.481423 |
as well as 688 guests left kudos on this work!
UndeadNettles on Chapter 1 Tue 21 Jan 2020 06:44PM EST
I'm super excited about this concept!! I really like a/b/o and sub/dom dynamics when their not sexual or sterotypical. I live for the discussion on how society would be and how people would respond.
mariadperiad20 on Chapter 1 Wed 22 Jan 2020 12:11AM EST
Thank you! I know exactly what you mean - one of my favorite parts to write of Dom/sub fic is how the entire world is built up around these concepts - it feels a little uncanny valley to write, actually - everything is similar enough to reality that it's recognizable, but still off enough that it takes a lot of purposeful writing to convey. it's hella fun :D
thank you for your comment! And I hope you continue to follow this fic as I update it <3
Parent Thread
GrangeLady on Chapter 1 Tue 21 Jan 2020 11:19PM EST
This is really promising! I can't wait to see where you take it
Thank you! :D I hope you continue to follow this fic as I update it <3
Lola on Chapter 1 Thu 23 Jan 2020 12:53PM EST
...this may be everything I've ever wanted. Love the characterization, it's spot on and very endearing. Can't wait for the next chapter!
mariadperiad20 on Chapter 1 Fri 24 Jan 2020 02:03PM EST
Thank you! I'm glad you like the fic so far :D
more will be coming soon! <3
sweetieflowers on Chapter 1 Wed 08 Apr 2020 11:16PM EDT
this concept is super interesting! i can't wait to read more :)
mariadperiad20 on Chapter 1 Thu 09 Apr 2020 12:31AM EDT
i'm glad you like the premise! hope you enjoy the chapters :D
thanks for commenting! <3
liznaay on Chapter 1 Mon 20 Apr 2020 02:24PM EDT
Wow, i'm really interested in this! I love the way you write!
mariadperiad20 on Chapter 1 Tue 21 Apr 2020 12:41AM EDT
glad you like the premise of the fic! :D
pixelcrush on Chapter 1 Sat 23 May 2020 02:44AM EDT
Oop i feel the angst coming let's go!
mariadperiad20 on Chapter 1 Thu 28 May 2020 12:27AM EDT
good instinct :D
braelinnotherern on Chapter 1 Mon 01 Jun 2020 03:07PM EDT
this dynamic is quite... interesting. i like how you managed to (this early) integrate the dom/sub complex into life. its a new perspective. i can appreciate it
mariadperiad20 on Chapter 1 Fri 05 Jun 2020 05:02PM EDT
i'm glad you're interested in the d/s dynamic - there aren't too many of this au in b99's fandom :D
Art_Brush on Chapter 1 Thu 04 Jun 2020 11:33AM EDT
This is so good! I hope you keep updating! I just started b99 and this is such a good fic.
i'm glad you like the fic so far! :D
ChaoticIdol on Chapter 1 Tue 28 Jul 2020 12:44PM EDT
So I have a question before I finish reading the first chapter. Is this similar to the a/b/o verse? Or is it it's own thing? I'm trying to understand. Is it purely bdsm or is it like actual secondary gender?
mariadperiad20 on Chapter 1 Tue 28 Jul 2020 01:4
|
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CommonCrawl
| -0.617378 | -2.114746 | -2.140094 | -1.458656 |
2PM EDT
it's slightly similar?, in the sense that people have orientations (it's like an extra sex or gender identity). that said, d/s aus are basically abo for people who don't like abo, lol (example, there's none of the abo's unusual bodily functions stuff in d/s which is one of the main things that makes me not be able to enjoy abo personally)
also, there's no actual biological differences between the dif orientations, just cultural ones (except blushing? which according to most d/s au fics i've seen is a thing that subs do more of so i included it in mine as well - note that all orientations can blush it's just like the rate of it or something, which arguably is a cultural thing anyway)
d/s is an au based off of bdsm (hence the d/s), but it's fictionalized to make it an orientation instead of a lifestyle (plus there's systemic issues about people's orientations and stuff). it's literally taking real-world d/s (like in scenes) and then just applying it as if it was an (inherent) orientation not (chosen) lifestyle. most of the worldbuilding in this fic comes from 1) other d/s au fics I've read in the past, and 2) bdsm wiki.
there is some actual bdsm in the form of kinky activities and power dynamics, but excluding the sex scenes (which not all sex scenes need to be bdsm either) it is essentially a secondary gender or orientation (good way of putting it! btw) For example, a "bi cis woman" would just have an extra descriptor attached like "bi cis dom woman" (or whatever applies)
thank you for asking! I totally get wanting to scope out the fic before investing time into it (nothing's worse than an unfortunate surprise) - feel free to ask more questions if you need follow up or any other concerns :D (also sorry this response went so long, rip)
Thank you so much for the thorough answer! I also am a fan of a/b/o but not the bodily weirdness. Thank you for answering so timely as well. :D
Titleofthinesextape on Chapter 1 Tue 09 Feb 2021 12:55AM EST
Loving this so far :o
mariadperiad20 on Chapter 1 Thu 11 Feb 2021 08:35PM EST
thanks for commenting <3
deaththekidney on Chapter 1 Tue 10 Aug 2021 04:13PM EDT
so uhh this is the first time I've un-ironically read a sub/dom fic and it's actually kinda pretty good?? also i love your b99 fics they're amazing :)
mariadperiad20 on Chapter 1 Mon 16 Aug 2021 12:09AM EDT
you aren't the first person to tell me that lmao,,,, i'm very flattered - d/s aus have a lot of worldbuilding potential, hence why i enjoy writing it so much :D
i'm glad you tried this fic out, and that you like my other works! :)
MurderRose on Chapter 2 Sat 25 Jan 2020 05:11AM EST
Hello Comment Goblin!
Ah I too am a sucker for D/S au's and I love this.
Excited to read more!
mariadperiad20 on Chapter 2 Sat 25 Jan 2020 02:55PM EST
hemlo :D
i'm glad you like the fic so far!
shiningpearls on Chapter 2 Sat 25 Jan 2020 09:11AM EST
Love love love this! I can't wait to hear more about Amy as a dom from Jake's perspective! I love this genre of AU, and I'm especially pumped, since you said this would be a long fic! Can't wait to see what's coming up next in the next update! Tysm <3
:D Thank you! Yess, more Amy will be a thing! I'm glad this type of au has an audience, since I love writing it :D
yep
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CommonCrawl
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8 respons untuk ' Error code CANON iR4570/ iR3570 / iR2870 / iR2270 '. Donato Chambi pada Error code CANON iR4570. RMN; SNPRH- 1202. Error Code: x400) Error Msg: iPrint Client. local\ \ Canon_ iR3300. · please can anybody help me now with this error code ethank you. · error code display 00007 in ir 3300 canon copier since i have checked fuser unit thoroughly and changed the fuser. Top Keywords On Tradezz. Conexant Smartaudio Hd Driver Windows 10; Muwakkil Ko Hazir Karne Ka Tarika. · Printer Forum» Forum › Copier Forum › Copier Technical Discussion › canon › ir3300 cassette 1 not lifting. now got error code. Error Ecanon irc4080.
ERROR EEN UNA CANON IR 3300 errorcopiadora canon ir3570. Privilegios; Haciendo YoReparo;. Ir3300 Error Code 00007 Hi this is irfan i have canon ir 3300 last 2 day it show this error code repeat when i clear the error code the comes back that error code. Canon Error Code E00007. If you find your canon ir3300 error code e00007 so overwhelming, you are able to make instructions or guides within the manual one- by- one. delivering Products cases computing 768 make Ir3300 Error Code 00007 money slow. 13 Driver, Canon MP630 - Scan with Error code 28 when installing. · Reparar Fusora canon error e0007. how to replacement of the fixing film for a canon ir3300, ir2800 | error E. parts manual ir3300 error code 00007 circuit. diagnosis codes canon.
how to reset the galaxy s ii ir3300 error code 0001 design of machine. IR2200, IR2800, IR3300; NP6050; Parts. Kategory → Kode Error Ir4570 » Kode Error. CANON ERROR CODE KODE EROR FOTOCOPY CANON NP- IR- GP- FC. bos kawi saya punya masalah pada mesin fotocopy saya di mana setiap pagi pagi kalau dihidupkan muncul error E 00007 dia bisa hilang. CANON IR3300/ 3320. galaxy s 4g sprint ir3300 error code 00007 how to turn off an ipod nano 1st gen. cavalier passlock wiring diagram icd 9 procedure code lookup canon eos rebel ii. como estan colegas, espero que me ayuden con una canon IR 2200 me sale un codigo Eyalo e reseteado pero no responde me dijeron quees la resistencia de la. How can I fix Eerror code?
in my photocopier Canon ir 2270. error code Ecanon ir 3320i. Canon ImageRunner Error Code Reset. I want to know the error code * for CanonIR2420. Error Code for canon E,. canon ir3300 error code e00007. Het beschrijft hoe wij gegevens gebruiken en welke opties je hebt. Je moet dit vandaag nog canon imagerunner error code. Error Code Canon Ir4570, kode error ir4570, ir4570 error, kerusakan fotocopy canon ir4570, download kode error ir4570, kode error ir, error code. gan gmna ya cara mengtsi code error 00007 itu. Gan mau tanya untuk ir3300. Mengatasi Error E061 Canon IR 5000,. · Canon Copier error errors code codes imagerunner copiers copy machine. Find Error Code E
|
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C4
| -2.740761 | -1.499596 | -2.236928 | -2.063267 |
Q: Key-based authentication from PyCharm / JSCH to OpenBSD fails I am trying to configure PyCharm (java-based IDE) to connect via sftp to a new OpenBSD 5.6 machine with an almost-default setup. However, it keeps returning an error "Algorithm negotiation fails". I am using key-based authentication, not passwords.
Here's my sshd_config:
# $OpenBSD: sshd_config,v 1.93 2014/01/10 05:59:19 djm Exp $
# This is the sshd server system-wide configuration file. See
# sshd_config(5) for more information.
# The strategy used for options in the default sshd_config shipped with
# OpenSSH is to specify options with their default value where
# possible, but leave them commented. Uncommented options override the
# default value.
Port 9922
#AddressFamily any
#ListenAddress 0.0.0.0
#ListenAddress ::
# The default requires explicit activation of protocol 1
#Protocol 2
# HostKey for protocol version 1
#HostKey /etc/ssh/ssh_host_key
# HostKeys for protocol version 2
#HostKey /etc/ssh/ssh_host_rsa_key
#HostKey /etc/ssh/ssh_host_dsa_key
#HostKey /etc/ssh/ssh_host_ecdsa_key
#HostKey /etc/ssh/ssh_host_ed25519_key
# Lifetime and size of ephemeral version 1 server key
#KeyRegenerationInterval 1h
#ServerKeyBits 1024
# Ciphers and keying
#RekeyLimit default none
# Logging
# obsoletes QuietMode and FascistLogging
SyslogFacility AUTH
LogLevel DEBUG3
# Authentication:
#LoginGraceTime 2m
PermitRootLogin no
#StrictModes yes
#MaxAuthTries 6
#MaxSessions 10
#RSAAuthentication yes
#PubkeyAuthentication yes
# The default is to check both .ssh/authorized_keys and .ssh/authorized_keys2
# but this is overridden so installations will only check .ssh/authorized_keys
AuthorizedKeysFile .ssh/authorized_keys
#AuthorizedPrincipalsFile none
#AuthorizedKeysCommand none
#AuthorizedKeysCommandUser nobody
# For this to work you will also need host keys in /etc/ssh/ssh_known_hosts
#RhostsRSAAuthentication no
# similar for protocol version 2
#HostbasedAuthentication no
# Change to yes if you don't trust ~/.ssh/known_hosts for
# RhostsRSAAuthentication and HostbasedAuthentication
#IgnoreUserKnownHosts no
# Don't read the user's ~/.rhosts and ~/.shosts files
#IgnoreRhosts yes
# To disable tunneled clear text passwords, change to no here!
PasswordAuthentication no
#PermitEmptyPasswords no
# Change to no to disable s/key passwords
#ChallengeResponseAuthentication yes
#AllowAgentForwarding yes
#AllowTcpForwarding yes
#GatewayPorts no
#X11Forwarding no
#X11DisplayOffset 10
#X11UseLocalhost yes
#PermitTTY yes
#PrintMotd yes
#PrintLastLog yes
#TCPKeepAlive yes
#UseLogin no
UsePrivilegeSeparation sandbox # Default for new installations.
#PermitUserEnvironment no
#Compression delayed
#ClientAliveInterval 0
#ClientAliveCountMax 3
#UseDNS yes
#PidFile /var/run/sshd.pid
#MaxStartups 10:30:100
#PermitTunnel no
#ChrootDirectory none
#VersionAddendum none
# no default banner path
#Banner none
# override default of no subsystems
Subsystem sftp /usr/libexec/sftp-server
# Example of overriding settings on a per-user basis
#Match User anoncvs
# X11For
|
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StackExchange
| -1.292568 | 0.160271 | -0.814902 | -0.739573 |
warding no
# AllowTcpForwarding no
# PermitTTY no
# ForceCommand cvs server
# stopping anyone else from logging on
AllowUsers myuser
Here's the log I get server-side:
debug2: load_server_config: filename /etc/ssh/sshd_config
debug2: load_server_config: done config len = 325
debug2: parse_server_config: config /etc/ssh/sshd_config len 325
debug3: /etc/ssh/sshd_config:11 setting Port 9922
debug3: /etc/ssh/sshd_config:36 setting SyslogFacility AUTH
debug3: /etc/ssh/sshd_config:37 setting LogLevel DEBUG3
debug3: /etc/ssh/sshd_config:42 setting PermitRootLogin no
debug3: /etc/ssh/sshd_config:52 setting AuthorizedKeysFile .ssh/authorized_keys
debug3: /etc/ssh/sshd_config:70 setting PasswordAuthentication no
debug3: /etc/ssh/sshd_config:87 setting UsePrivilegeSeparation sandbox
debug3: /etc/ssh/sshd_config:103 setting Subsystem sftp /usr/libexec/sftp-server
debug3: /etc/ssh/sshd_config:113 setting AllowUsers myuser
debug1: sshd version OpenSSH_6.7, LibreSSL 2.0
debug1: private host key: #0 type 1 RSA
debug1: private host key: #1 type 2 DSA
debug1: private host key: #2 type 3 ECDSA
debug1: private host key: #3 type 4 ED25519
debug1: rexec_argv[0]='/usr/sbin/sshd'
debug1: rexec_argv[1]='-ddd'
debug2: fd 3 setting O_NONBLOCK
debug1: Bind to port 9922 on 0.0.0.0.
Server listening on 0.0.0.0 port 9922.
debug2: fd 4 setting O_NONBLOCK
debug1: Bind to port 9922 on ::.
Server listening on :: port 9922.
debug1: fd 5 clearing O_NONBLOCK
debug1: Server will not fork when running in debugging mode.
debug3: send_rexec_state: entering fd = 8 config len 325
debug3: ssh_msg_send: type 0
debug3: send_rexec_state: done
debug1: rexec start in 5 out 5 newsock 5 pipe -1 sock 8
debug1: inetd sockets after dupping: 3, 3
Connection from MYIP port 58026 on MYSERVER port 9922
debug1: Client protocol version 2.0; client software version JSCH-0.1.50
debug1: no match: JSCH-0.1.50
debug1: Enabling compatibility mode for protocol 2.0
debug1: Local version string SSH-2.0-OpenSSH_6.7
debug2: fd 3 setting O_NONBLOCK
debug3: ssh_sandbox_init: preparing systrace sandbox
debug2: Network child is on pid 10475
debug3: ssh_sandbox_parent: wait for child 10475
debug3: ssh_sandbox_parent: child 10475 stopped
debug3: ssh_sandbox_parent: systrace attach, fd=9
debug3: ssh_sandbox_parent: policy: enable syscall 1
debug3: ssh_sandbox_parent: policy: enable syscall 3
debug3: ssh_sandbox_parent: policy: enable syscall 4
debug3: ssh_sandbox_parent: policy: enable syscall 5
debug3: ssh_sandbox_parent: policy: enable syscall 6
debug3: ssh_sandbox_parent: policy: enable syscall 7
debug3: ssh_sandbox_parent: policy: enable syscall 20
debug3: ssh_sandbox_parent:
|
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] | 1,024 |
StackExchange
| -1.909341 | -0.729198 | -1.408459 | -1.886184 |
policy: enable syscall 48
debug3: ssh_sandbox_parent: policy: enable syscall 67
debug3: ssh_sandbox_parent: policy: enable syscall 71
debug3: ssh_sandbox_parent: policy: enable syscall 73
debug3: ssh_sandbox_parent: policy: enable syscall 74
debug3: ssh_sandbox_parent: policy: enable syscall 75
debug3: ssh_sandbox_parent: policy: enable syscall 83
debug3: ssh_sandbox_parent: policy: enable syscall 87
debug3: ssh_sandbox_parent: policy: enable syscall 134
debug3: ssh_sandbox_parent: policy: enable syscall 197
debug3: ssh_sandbox_parent: policy: enable syscall 252
debug3: ssh_sandbox_parent: policy: enable syscall 286
debug3: ssh_sandbox_parent: start child 10475
debug3: preauth child monitor started
debug3: privsep user:group 27:27 [preauth]
debug1: permanently_set_uid: 27/27 [preauth]
debug3: ssh_sandbox_child: ready [preauth]
debug3: ssh_sandbox_child: started [preauth]
debug1: list_hostkey_types: ssh-rsa,ssh-dss,ecdsa-sha2-nistp256,ssh-ed25519 [preauth]
debug1: SSH2_MSG_KEXINIT sent [preauth]
debug1: SSH2_MSG_KEXINIT received [preauth]
debug2: kex_parse_kexinit: curve25519-sha256@libssh.org,ecdh-sha2-nistp256,ecdh-sha2-nistp384,ecdh-sha2-nistp521,diffie-hellman-group-exchange-sha256,diffie-hellman-group14-sha1 [preauth]
debug2: kex_parse_kexinit: ssh-rsa,ssh-dss,ecdsa-sha2-nistp256,ssh-ed25519 [preauth]
debug2: kex_parse_kexinit: aes128-ctr,aes192-ctr,aes256-ctr,aes128-gcm@openssh.com,aes256-gcm@openssh.com,chacha20-poly1305@openssh.com [preauth]
debug2: kex_parse_kexinit: aes128-ctr,aes192-ctr,aes256-ctr,aes128-gcm@openssh.com,aes256-gcm@openssh.com,chacha20-poly1305@openssh.com [preauth]
debug2: kex_parse_kexinit: umac-64-etm@openssh.com,umac-128-etm@openssh.com,hmac-sha2-256-etm@openssh.com,hmac-sha2-512-etm@openssh.com,hmac-sha1-etm@openssh.com,umac-64@openssh.com,umac-128@openssh.com,hmac-sha2-256,hmac-sha2-512,hmac-sha1 [preauth]
debug2: kex_parse_kexinit: umac-64-etm@openssh.com,umac-128-etm@openssh.com,hmac-sha2-256-etm@openssh.com,hmac-sha2-512-etm@openssh.com,hmac-sha1-etm@openssh.com,umac-64@openssh.com,umac-128@openssh.com,hmac-sha2-256,hmac-sha2-512,hmac-sha1 [preauth]
debug2: kex_parse_kexinit: none,zlib@openssh.
|
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] | 1,024 |
StackExchange
| -2.15931 | -0.392018 | -1.541158 | -2.311183 |
com [preauth]
debug2: kex_parse_kexinit: none,zlib@openssh.com [preauth]
debug2: kex_parse_kexinit: [preauth]
debug2: kex_parse_kexinit: [preauth]
debug2: kex_parse_kexinit: first_kex_follows 0 [preauth]
debug2: kex_parse_kexinit: reserved 0 [preauth]
debug2: kex_parse_kexinit: diffie-hellman-group1-sha1,diffie-hellman-group-exchange-sha1 [preauth]
debug2: kex_parse_kexinit: ssh-rsa,ssh-dss [preauth]
debug2: kex_parse_kexinit: aes128-ctr,aes128-cbc,3des-ctr,3des-cbc,blowfish-cbc,aes192-cbc,aes256-cbc [preauth]
debug2: kex_parse_kexinit: aes128-ctr,aes128-cbc,3des-ctr,3des-cbc,blowfish-cbc,aes192-cbc,aes256-cbc [preauth]
debug2: kex_parse_kexinit: hmac-md5,hmac-sha1,hmac-sha2-256,hmac-sha1-96,hmac-md5-96 [preauth]
debug2: kex_parse_kexinit: hmac-md5,hmac-sha1,hmac-sha2-256,hmac-sha1-96,hmac-md5-96 [preauth]
debug2: kex_parse_kexinit: none [preauth]
debug2: kex_parse_kexinit: none [preauth]
debug2: kex_parse_kexinit: [preauth]
debug2: kex_parse_kexinit: [preauth]
debug2: kex_parse_kexinit: first_kex_follows 0 [preauth]
debug2: kex_parse_kexinit: reserved 0 [preauth]
debug2: mac_setup: setup hmac-sha1 [preauth]
debug1: kex: client->server aes128-ctr hmac-sha1 none [preauth]
debug2: mac_setup: setup hmac-sha1 [preauth]
debug1: kex: server->client aes128-ctr hmac-sha1 none [preauth]
Unable to negotiate a key exchange method [preauth]
debug1: do_cleanup [preauth]
debug1: monitor_read_log: child log fd closed
debug3: mm_request_receive entering
debug1: do_cleanup
debug1: Killing privsep child 10475
And here's the log client-side:
Opening connection to sftp://myserver:9922/
Connecting to myserver port 9922
Connection established
Remote version string: SSH-2.0-OpenSSH_6.7
Local version string: SSH-2.0-JSCH-0.1.50
CheckCiphers: aes256-ctr,aes192-ctr,aes128-ctr,aes256-cbc,aes192-cbc,aes128-cbc,3des-ctr,arcfour,arcfour128,arcfour256
CheckKexes: diffie-hellman-group14-sha1
diffie-hellman-group14-sha1 is not available.
SSH_MSG_KEXINIT sent
SSH_MSG_KEXINIT received
kex: server: curve25519-sha256@libssh.org,ecdh-sha2-nistp256,ecdh-sha2-nistp384,ecdh-sha2-nistp521,diffie-hellman-group-exchange-sha256,diffie-hellman-group14-sha1
kex
|
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StackExchange
| -2.083233 | -0.389341 | -1.645165 | -2.23529 |
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kex: server: aes128-ctr,aes192-ctr,aes256-ctr,aes128-gcm@openssh.com,aes256-gcm@openssh.com,chacha20-poly1305@openssh.com
kex: server: aes128-ctr,aes192-ctr,aes256-ctr,aes128-gcm@openssh.com,aes256-gcm@openssh.com,chacha20-poly1305@openssh.com
kex: server: umac-64-etm@openssh.com,umac-128-etm@openssh.com,hmac-sha2-256-etm@openssh.com,hmac-sha2-512-etm@openssh.com,hmac-sha1-etm@openssh.com,umac-64@openssh.com,umac-128@openssh.com,hmac-sha2-256,hmac-sha2-512,hmac-sha1
kex: server: umac-64-etm@openssh.com,umac-128-etm@openssh.com,hmac-sha2-256-etm@openssh.com,hmac-sha2-512-etm@openssh.com,hmac-sha1-etm@openssh.com,umac-64@openssh.com,umac-128@openssh.com,hmac-sha2-256,hmac-sha2-512,hmac-sha1
kex: server: none,zlib@openssh.com
kex: server: none,zlib@openssh.com
kex: server:
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kex: client: none
kex: client: none
kex: client:
kex: client:
Disconnecting from myserver port 9922
Could not connect to SFTP server at "sftp://myserver:9922/".
org.apache.commons.vfs2.FileSystemException: Could not connect to SFTP server at "sftp://myserver:9922/".
at org.apache.commons.vfs2.provider.sftp.SftpFileProvider.doCreateFileSystem(SftpFileProvider.java:108)
at org.apache.commons.vfs2.provider.AbstractOriginatingFileProvider.getFileSystem(AbstractOriginatingFileProvider.java:102)
at org.apache.commons.vfs2.provider.AbstractOriginatingFileProvider.findFile(AbstractOriginatingFileProvider.java:80)
at org.apache.commons.vfs2.provider.AbstractOriginatingFileProvider.findFile(AbstractOriginatingFileProvider.java:64)
at org.apache.commons.vfs2.impl.DefaultFileSystemManager.resolveFile(DefaultFileSystemManager.java:69
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Bennifer Timeline: Where to Stream 'Gigli', "Jenny on the Block", and More
By Meghan O'Keefe Twitter @megsokay May 13, 2021 at 11:30am
Photos: Getty Images, Everett Collection, Youtube ; Illustration: Dillen Phelps
Bennifer... Whispers of a legend thought long dead stirred once more two weeks ago. A newly single Jennifer Lopez was spotted in the company of her most famous ex, Ben Affleck. Last week, they spent a vacation in Montana together. Bennifer, it seems, is back on. That means one of the most exciting moments in Hollywood gossip history has come back to us in 2021.
It's been 19 years since Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez's original love affair captivated the world and sparked unprecedented tabloid interest, and now the star-crossed lovers seem to be rekindling their love. The then-golden boy of Hollywood and super sexy entertainer met while working on the doomed movie Gigli in 2002. By the end of the year, "Bennifer" was on every tabloid magazine cover and J. Lo's third album was an unabashed love letter to her new love. In 2003, though, they called off their engagement, and eventually split in early 2004. Bennifer only lasted for two tumultuous years, but its impact shaped the lives of Affleck and Lopez forever. So much so that news that the two were spending time together sent shock waves through the press.
But what is the story behind the Bennifer saga? Why did Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez's romance project so much heat back in the early '00s and why is it possible that the two could actually still attain a happily ever after? And how do Gigli and Jersey Girl factor into the Bennifer story?
Whether you're a diehard Bennifer obsessive or trying to catch up on one of the biggest gossip stories of 2002, here's your official streaming timeline to all things related to Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez's on-and-off-and-on-again love…
Before Bennifer…
Before we jump into a Bennifer timeline, it's worth understanding the heat scores that both Lopez and Affleck were riding heading into this relationship.
Ben Affleck was born in Cambridge, Massachusetts and started off his acting career in local productions. He appeared in a kid's show called The Voyage of the Mimi and had a cameo in the Julia Roberts flick Mystic Pizza. He followed that up as a young adult with turns in everything from Chasing Amy to School Ties. Armageddon put him on the map as a movie star, and Good Will Hunting made him and lifelong BFF Matt Damon Oscar winners for Best Original Screenplay. He was in a high profile romance with none other than Gwyneth Paltrow. Come 2002 Affleck was a heartthrob, box office titan, and actor trying to figure out if he could follow in the footsteps of the likes of Harrison Ford.
Jennifer Lopez on the other hand was born to a Puerto Rican family in the Bronx. Against her family's wishes, she dropped out of college and began acting in regional musical theatre. Eventually she got her big break as a "Fly Girl" dancing in interstitial bits on In Living Color. In the '90s, Lopez worked the grind as an actress, appearing in pilots and small roles in movies like Jack. She got her big break playing Selena Quintanilla Perez in the biopic Selena, and followed that up with hits Anaconda and Out of Sight. During this time Lopez launched a music career, making her a rare old school triple threat in a generation of stars who cut their teeth in indie films. She bounced from romance to romance, most notably with hip hop artist and tycoon Sean "Puffy" Combs. Her most electric pop culture moment? Wearing a low cut Versace gown to the 2000 Grammys. J. Lo was a pop star, fashion icon, and groundbreaking Latina movie star in 2002.
That's when she and Ben
|
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CommonCrawl
| 0.228987 | -1.021768 | 0.113091 | -0.88535 |
Affleck collided on the set of a film called…Gigli….
Where to stream Good Will Hunting
Where to stream Selena
Bennifer Begins: Early 2002
In a 2003 NBC interview with the then-engaged pair (promoting their film Gigli), Affleck and Lopez revealed that although they met at parties, they didn't fall for each other until meeting for the Gigli table read in 2002. Lopez goes on to crow about how Ben is the best person in all of Hollywood to improvise on set with and the two tease each other non-stop.
Some interesting gossip-worthy takeaways in just this short bootleg clip? The usually in-control Lopez seems to cede some of her power for once.
"Ben wears the pants," she says. "I'm traditional in a way, where I like to take on the woman roles in certain things. Like I like to cook and I like to make sure he has things. I'm a caretaker. I like to take care of people and it's no different in our relationship. I like to make sure he has everything he needs."
When hot Pat O'Brien asks, "When's the wedding?" Affleck jokes, "Bring in the priest!"
If nothing else, this short clip encapsulates two people at peak horny from each other. Which is wild since it was filmed after…"Jenny From the Block."
"Jenny From the Block" Music Video: September 2002
By late 2002, Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez's romance was extremely public and Lopez was set to release her third studio album, This is Me…Then. The album featured numerous odes to Affleck, including the songs "I'm Glad" and "Dear Ben." However, the most iconic single was "Jenny From the Block," in no doubt thanks to its incredible music video.
The "Jenny From the Block" music video is as autobiographical as a pop song can come. It not only traces Lopez's own life up to that point, but the video is a meta recreation of the exact same paparazzi attention Lopez and Affleck reportedly loathed. Here, though, they make their relationship a pointed spectacle. At one point Affleck even kisses Lopez's famous derriere. (For context: in the early '00s, Lopez was particularly own for her butt as flat butts were the rage. Crazy, right?)
The video is a memoir in pop song form, and one that seems to express both the explosive chemistry she and Affleck had as well as the pressures they felt under the gaze of the camera the couple couldn't shy away from.
'Gigli' Bombs: August 2003
Maybe the first real sign there was trouble in paradise for Bennifer was when the movie that brought them together bombed. Big time. You would think that even a passing interest in the film that brought a tabloid couple together would boost box office sales, but nope. Gigli was so reviled by both critics and audiences that it almost became its own noun in the early '00s, meaning total disaster. One huge point of contention? Affleck and Lopez's hot real life chemistry was wholly absent from the screen.
Gigli was released in August 2003. Affleck and Lopez were supposed to wed in September 2003. One day before the wedding, the marriage was postponed. Forever?
Where to stream Gigli
'Jersey Girl' and the Death(?) of Bennifer: March 2004
Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez officially called it quits in January 2004. Two months later, their second film together (and second bomb) Jersey Girl premiered in theaters. In a morbid twist, the two started off the film as a happily married couple, but Lopez's character dies in childbirth, leaving Affleck's a widowed single father to their daughter. You know, the titular "Jersey Girl."
It seemed for many years that Gigli and Jersey Girl would be the two projects that bookended Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck's love forever. However, there have been signs — public ones at that — that Ben and Jen weren't really through.
Where
|
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CommonCrawl
| -0.164393 | -1.012278 | -0.190412 | -1.559846 |
to stream Jersey Girl
Jennifer Lopez Revisits Bennifer: 2010
One of the first times that Jennifer Lopez reflected on her tumultuous romance with Ben Affleck publicly — and on camera — was a 2010 appearance on Britain's The Graham Norton Show. Lopez is asked about the "Bennifer" era of her life and admits that the media scrutiny made the relationship a little more challenging.
"Our relationship did suffer," she said, of the media attention, quickly joking she would not blame the media for anything. "It definitely played a part in the dynamic of our relationship."
Norton then transitions to asking about Lopez's then husband, singer and actor Marc Anthony. The question is how was that far less-publicized relationship different. Besides the fact that Anthony had been a child star in the music business, Lopez admits that she took a totally different approach to the relationship. (The implication is she realized that PDA on a boat in a music video may not have been the way to go.)
"I think when it first happens, you have the attitude of 'I'm not going to let this take over. I'm just going to live my life,'" Lopez said. "And then you're like being chased and on the cover of magazines all the time. Then you go, 'Wait a minute, I do have to kind of change my life.'"
However that's not the last time Lopez was bluntly asked about the public interest in her private life…
J.Lo Returns to Bennifer: December 2019
Around the time that Hustlers came out in late 2019, Lopez found herself a part of a major media push for awards season. (Where, she was eventually WRONGLY SNUBBED for her Oscar-worthy work in Hustlers!) One appearance took her to the venerable CBS Sunday Morning. Yes, CBS Sunday Morning got down and dirty and asked Lopez about
First Lopez talks about her first major celebrity romance with Puffy and then shifts the focus to Affleck.
"I don't look at them as 'eras' in that way, but these were people in my life who I really cared about, and fell in love with. We had very special, very unique relationships… maybe that's what captured the public's attention in a sense? Because there was realness to them. There was an authenticity to those relationships."
"Ben wanted to be — believe it or not — quiet, and not in the tabloids, and it was the beginning of the tabloid era. And we were kind of out there."
"It was scary. It was overwhelming for both of us."
"You just have to live your life. This is what I've learned over the years. This is why it's great to be where I am now and at the age I am now because that stuff doesn't bother me anymore."
Where to stream Hustlers
Ben Affleck Defends J. Lo: January 2021
In January 2021, Affleck appeared on The Hollywood Reporter's Award Chatter podcast to talk about his recent critically-acclaimed comeback film, The Way Back. His relationship with Jennifer Lopez came up and Affleck had some choice words in defense of his former flame.
"People were so f*cking mean about her. Sexist, racist, ugly vicious sh*t was written about her. If you wrote it now, you would literally be fired," Affleck said.
But that's not all he had to say about Lopez. "Now she's lionized and respected for the work she did, where she came from, and what she accomplished. As well she f*cking should be!"
While Entertainment Tonight's recent coverage of the interview pivoted to include Lopez's then-relationship with A. Rod and Affleck's cooling romance with Ana de Armas, Affleck's words now feel to be a sign of something still sizzling.
If rumors are to be believed, Affleck started reaching out to Lopez quietly in February 2021 (after the first rumors about A.Rod and Madison LeCroy emerged). Could it be that Lopez and Affleck have been carrying flames for each other all this time? Could it also be that Lopez and Affleck
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| 0.138071 | -1.259506 | -1.039055 | -1.433358 |
Q: Filtering the lines which are greater than a percentage value Hello i need to filter lines which are greater and equal than 85%.
I need to filter according to Forward: Score line and end of the percentage of that line.
Example file:
Scores for this hit:
>ocu-miR-191-5p NC_013669.1 181.00 -24.77 2 22 123304956 123304978 20 85.00% 85.00%
Forward: Score: 181.000000 Q:2 to 22 R:190316850 to 190316872 Align Len (20) (85.00%) (85.00%)
Query: 3' gtCGACGAAAACCCTAAGGCAAc 5'
|||||| | ||| |||||||
Ref: 5' gtGCTGCTATAGGGTTTCCGTTc 3'
Energy: -24.910000 kCal/Mol
Scores for this hit:
>ocu-miR-191-5p NC_013669.1 175.00 -23.66 2 21 163478767 163478790 20 85.00% 85.00%
Forward: Score: 173.000000 Q:2 to 22 R:1340814 to 1340836 Align Len (20) (80.00%) (80.00%)
Query: 3' gtCGACGAAAACCCTAAGGCAAc 5'
||||| | ||| |||||||
Ref: 5' caGCTGCCTGCGGGCTTCCGTTa 3'
Energy: -27.510000 kCal/Mol
The result should be like this:
>ocu-miR-191-5p NC_013669.1 181.00 -24.77 2 22 123304956 123304978 20 85.00% 85.00%
Forward: Score: 181.000000 Q:2 to 22 R:190316850 to 190316872 Align Len (20) (85.00%) (85.00%)
Query: 3' gtCGACGAAAACCCTAAGGCAAc 5'
|||||| | ||| |||||||
Ref: 5' gtGCTGCTATAGGGTTTCCGTTc 3'
Energy: -24.910000 kCal/Mol
I tried these commands,
awk '{if($14>=85)print$_}' < output.txt
awk '$14 >= 85' output.txt
awk - F%) '$14 >= 85' output.txt
I search on this website there are questions like mine but those didn't solve my problem the command lines that i tried also took the other line because the line also contain 85% score. . Could you please help me? i just started using ubuntu i don't know very well...
A: Try this:
awk '{RS=">"; FS=" "; original_block=$0; gsub(/\(|\)|%/,""); if ($25 >= 85) print original_block}' example.txt > output.txt
Explaination:
*
*RS=">" will treat input as blocks starting with >.
*FS=" " will set your field separator to spaces and tabs to get right field count.
*original_block=$0 will save the original block with
|
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Home MASSACHUSETTS NEWS Education News Mass. Gov. Patrick Joins Students, Educators To Announce New Program To Help Community College Grads Pursue Four-Year Degree At Umass Amherst
Mass. Gov. Patrick Joins Students, Educators To Announce New Program To Help Community College Grads Pursue Four-Year Degree At Umass Amherst
BOSTON, Mass. /Massachusetts Newswire/ — Governor Deval Patrick today joined UMass Amherst Chancellor Robert C. Holub and Roxbury Community College (RCC) President Terrence A. Gomes to announce the launch of the Community College Connection program. Under this program, new community college graduates from across the state can receive exclusive financial benefits, including a tuition discount, as well as priority services designed to make it easy for them to complete a bachelor's degree at the University of Massachusetts Amherst.
"The Community College Connection provides students with critical support to bolster their chances at success," said Governor Patrick. "I commend the leadership at UMass and our Community Colleges for enthusiastically embracing this wonderful opportunity to collaborate."
"We take seriously our historic mission of access as the Commonwealth's land-grant university," said Chancellor Holub. "Facilitating the enrollment of community college graduates in today's world is one way to guarantee that access. We want students here at Roxbury and community colleges across Massachusetts to envision a future at UMass Amherst, the state's flagship public university and one of the nation's premier research institutions."
"We believe that our students should be given every chance to reach their full potential," said RCC President Gomes. "The UMass Amherst Community College Connection will provide vital resources that our students need to remain engaged in the higher educational process, and this program represents an extension of the RCC mission by helping our students enhance the quality of their lives and our community. We applaud UMass for providing all Massachusetts community college students with this unique opportunity."
The UMass Amherst Community College Connection (UMCCC) will begin in fall 2011. Holub noted that transfers from state community colleges are already an essential part of the UMass Amherst community, and he wants to strengthen those successful ties. Currently, more than 500 community college graduates transfer to UMass Amherst each fall. Nine out of 10 of these students continue into their second year, and seven out of 10 graduate with a UMass Amherst bachelor's degree.
As part of the announcement, three UMass Amherst students who are community college graduates shared their success stories and participated in a panel discussion:
•Erik Ssebanakitta emigrated from Uganda to the United States and earned an associate's degree from Bunker Hill Community College in Boston. He transferred to UMass Amherst, receiving a bachelor's degree in computer science in 2010. Today, he is continuing his studies at UMass Amherst, where he is a Ph.D. student in computer science.
•Manuel Pires emigrated from Cape Verde to the United States and received an associate's degree from Roxbury Community College in Boston. He transferred to UMass Amherst, earning a bachelor's degree in civil engineering in 2010. Currently, he is pursuing a master's degree in civil engineering at UMass Amherst.
•Katelin Conti of Haverhill completed her associate degree studies at Northern Essex Community College. She transferred to UMass Amherst and is currently pursuing a bachelor's degree in linguistics.
UMCC is for community college graduates pursuing admission through the existing Joint Admissions or MassTransfer programs who complete their associate's degree with a cumulative grade point average of 2.5 or higher. These students are guaranteed general admission to UMass Amherst, with applications processed before those of other transfer students.
These students will be eligible for the following benefits:
•A 100 percent reduction of in-state tuition ($1,714) for students who graduate from a community college with a GPA of 3.0 or higher and meet other selected requirements.
•Special scholarships, including funds to purchase books.
•Priority review of financial aid packages before those of other transfer students.
•Housing advantages
|
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CDS 25 Entropy and the Second Law I
普通化学:基本概念与应用
莱斯大学
This course will cover the topics of a full year, two semester General Chemistry course. We will use a free on-line textbook, Concept Development Studies in Chemistry, available via Rice's Connexions project. The fundamental concepts in the course will be introduced via the Concept Development Approach developed at Rice University. In this approach, we will develop the concepts you need to know from experimental observations and scientific reasoning rather than simply telling you the concepts and then asking you to simply memorize or apply them. So why use this approach? One reason is that most of us are inductive learners, meaning that we like to make specific observations and then generalize from there. Many of the most significant concepts in Chemistry are counter-intuitive. When we see where those concepts come from, we can more readily accept them, explain them, and apply them. A second reason is that scientific reasoning in general and Chemistry reasoning in particular are inductive processes. This Concept Development approach illustrates those reasoning processes. A third reason is that this is simply more interesting! The structure and reactions of matter are fascinating puzzles to be solved by observation and reasoning. It is more fun intellectually when we can solve those puzzles together, rather than simply have the answers to the riddles revealed at the outset. Recommended Background: The class can be taken by someone with no prior experience in chemistry. However, some prior familiarity with the basics of chemistry is desirable as we will cover some elements only briefly. For example, a prior high school chemistry class would be helpful. Suggested Readings: Readings will be assigned from the on-line textbook "Concept Development Studies in Chemistry", available via Rice's Connexions project. In addition, we will suggest readings from any of the standard textbooks in General Chemistry. A particularly good free on-line resource is Dickerson, Gray, and Haight, "Chemical Principles, 3rd Edition". Links to these two texts will be available in the Introduction module.
This course and the accompanying textbook explain chemistry in a very simple, ground up way that I was able to easily understand.
Lectures are great and material is comprehensive. The only problem is there is a multiplicity of errors in the questions.
One of the most subtle aspects of chemistry is in understanding the factors which make a chemical reaction favorable or unfavorable. In this module, we pursue this understanding by observing what makes a process "spontaneous," and we develop the concept of entropy as a predictive tool for spontaneity. We observe the second law of thermodynamics, and from this, we develop a model for predicting chemical equilibrium based on a new quantity called the "free energy." We conclude by relating the free energy to the equilibrium constant observed in a previous module, culminating in one of the most beautiful theories in all of science.
CDS 25 Entropy and the Second Law I14:47
CDS 25 Entropy and the Second Law II10:02
CDS 25 Entropy and the Second Law III14:52
John Steven Hutchinson
Dean of Undergraduates and Professor of Chemistry
In this concept development study, we're going to begin our study
of spontaneous processes, events which are
actually occurring at the macroscopic level.
We've spent a lot of time so far talking about equilibrium systems.
Equilibrium systems consist of those in
which the macroscopic properties are not changing.
we know that that is not because nothing is happening, rather
that because there's a dynamic equilibrium amongst the process that might
be taking place.
We're going to begin to study instead now
processes in which the properties are changing,
and the process will actually learn a
bit more about processes which are at equilibrium.
Let's compare equilibrium versus spontaneity then, to make sure
we understand what we mean by a spontaneous process.
At equilibrium the macroscopic properties of the system
the numbers of moles, materials which are present over
their concentrations, the temperature they're held
at or the pressure that we observe.
All of those are constant despite the flurry
of activity taking place at the molecular level.
In a spontaneous process the macroscopic properties.
Are changing, and they're changing in a way which is irreversible.
For example, if I put a drop of ink into
|
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CommonCrawl
| 0.396086 | 0.922071 | 0.15299 | 2.596539 |
a glass of
water, that drop of ink will dissipate
throughout the glass of water, that's clearly
a change in a macroscopic property, and in addition,
it's a change which is very, very difficult to reverse.
It's not an equilibrium.
And, in addition to not being equilibrium, it's difficult to undo.
Another example might be taking hydrogen gas and oxygen gas and sparking
them to create an explosion in which hydrogen and oxygen produce water.
Clearly that's a significant change in the macroscopic properties.
I no longer have hydrogen and oxygen, and instead, I have H2O.
And furthermore, it's very difficult to undo that reaction.
Take the water molecules back apart, and turn
them back into Hydrogen and Oxygen, and again.
There's some interesting examples of spontaneous process that I want
to consider here because we're going to use them for illustrations.
Clearly as you can see on the camera over here.
I've got a deck of cards.
And one of the aspects that we see in this spontaneous process is
a nice illustration, is in fact, the shuffling in the deck of card.
This particular deck of cards has been carefully ordered to be in order, two
through ace of diamonds, two through ace of clubs, two through ace of hearts.
And two through ace of spades.
And you know from your own experience with cards that I've had to do a lot
of work to put them in this direction.
If, instead, what I do is simply shuffle this deck of cards in the normal fashion,
doing a quick rifle shuffle, we know what
the outcome of this experiment is going to be.
Spontaneously.
The deck is going to go from a
well-ordered deck into a significantly disordered deck.
We now turn the cards back over again.
There are some cards which are in order, but there are other
cards which are not in order.
And, in fact, by shuffling repeatedly, what I'll
discover is that I generate greater and greater disorder.
And reversing the process by which we've gone from the shuffled deck to
the ordered, the ordered deck to the
shuffled deck will require some extra intervention.
We never see that happen spontaneously during the shuffling process.
Another simple example would be the process of simply scattering things.
Scattering seeds into a field or tossing things out on the floor.
We rarely thin, see the occasion that we might spread some seeds and have
them all stacked up on top of each other or aggregate in one location.
Rather they scatter rather randomly.
I mentioned the example of mixing a little while ago.
If we mix two fluids together, one of which
has say, color, and one of which does not.
We rapidly see that the color fluid dissipates
throughout the non colored liquid, and does so in a way which is irreversible.
What about chemical processes?
Well, the burning of methane in a stove converts
the methane into into water and into carbon dioxide.
And the process of turning that water and
carbon dioxide back in to methane is extremely
difficult, but it happens spontaneously all we have
to do is spark the combination of methane and
oxygen, or on a cold day we see the condensation of a
or on a cold glass of water within a high humidity area.
We see this spontaneous condensation of water on the outside of a cold glass.
That happens without any intervention from us,
and clearly is a change in macroscopic properties.
Or, we might observe over a very long period of
time the formation of rust in an object of iron which
is continually exposed to the elements, particularly
oxygen or some other oxidizing agent like water.
Those processes occur at very different rates, the burning of methane is
extremely rapid, the formation of rust
is extremely slow, but they're all spontaneous.
Indicating that a spontaneous process has nothing to do with
how fast the reaction occurs, but rather whether the reaction occurs
without any external intervention, and in such a way at to not be spontaneous.
Now knowing what a spontaneous process is we might ask the question,
why is it that some processes are spontaneous and others are not?
Let me
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| -0.257707 | 0.426317 | -0.193102 | 1.028092 |
click back and look at the previous line, for example in
the formation of rust we never see
rust spontaneously separate into iron and oxygen.
We never see the carbon dioxide in water spontaneously
turn back into methane.
What is it that causes the forward process, the burning
or the rusting, to occur spontaneously, and not the reverse?
Also, we know that sort of the contrast
to a spontaneous process is an equilibrium process.
If things are not occurring spontaneously then we must be at equilibrium.
Understanding why things happen spontaneously may also
give us some clues as to why things come to equilibrium.
Let's further our study now by considering,
then, the following simple case for the possibility
of, say, a crystal turning into a gas or a gas turning into a crystal.
Let's imagine we have a simple universe in which
we have only four atoms, and we have a container
in which they could be placed in which there
are only 16 places that those four atoms might belong.
If the four atoms are together, we're going to regard that in a sense as a
crystal, because it's a well-ordered structure in which
all of the pieces are near to one another.
If the particles are not near to one another as in the
case on the right we're going to regard that as a gas.
What we're going to consider then is the possibility
of which one of these is a more probable outcome.
To do that, let's actually count the numbers of ways
in which we might be able to form that crystal.
There are a variety of ways.
We think about this box in which we
have now contained 16 possible locations for the particles.
The numbers of ways in which we might
have put four of the particles together would include.
For example, that arrangement.
Or, they may have included, this
arrangement.
And in fairly rapid fashion, you'll be able to discover that there are in fact a
total of nine ways in which we can form a crystal.
With all four of the particles together.
By contrast, the number of ways in which we can form a gas is really quite large.
In order to count those, it's much easier actually to count, in total, how many
ways are there to arrange the four particles
over the cross of the 16 different places?
Here's the total ways in which we could do that.
Well, let's see.
There's 16 locations,
so there's 16 places in which I could put
the first particle, and 15 places I could put
the second, and 14 where I could put the
third, and 13 where I could put the fourth.
But, of course, it's random which of the
four particles I chose to make the first one.
There are four different particles that could have been
the first one, three which could have been the
second, two which could have been the third, and
one, then, which would have to be the last.
This turns out to be the total number of ways
of arranging four particles, four
identical particles, into those sixteen locations.
Just plugging this into a calculator, we discover there are
1,820 ways to arrange those particles across the entire grid here.
And nine of those correspond to forming a crystal.
So correspondingly it must be that there are 1,811 ways.
In which we can form a gas.
Very significantly different there are nine ways to do this.
There are 1,811 ways to do this.
That suggests actually that the more ordered something is the
fewer ways there are to be able to produce that order.
And that begins to give us a hint as to what we want to look at.
We're going to begin to look at probability
as a means of making predictions.
So, for example, we ask the question, why
did the ordered deck become the disordered deck?
The answer is, because it's much more probable to
have a shuffled deck when we shuffle the cards.
It's certainly possible that I could shuffle these cards and wind
up with them all completely in order but it's extremely improbable.
And since it's so improbable
in fact I never observe it. Even though it is in fact a possibility.
Similarly.
Comparing to the idea of the crystal versus the non
crystal
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| -0.341172 | 0.626176 | 0.422422 | 1.5644 |
it's certainly possible that I could throw the four
marbles into these boxes and see a crystal, but the
odds are only about one in 200 that that might happen.
So in general if I throw the particles down I'm
going to observe something we would describe as a gas.
What that suggests is in general, systems almost always go from
a state of low probability to a state of higher probability.
And things that happen, generally happen because they are higher in probability.
But what do we mean by the probability of a state?
What are we actually describing here because for example,
if I go back to this deck of cards.
There is in fact a state in which the bottom card is the 10 of diamonds.
The next card is the three of clubs. The next card is the eight of hearts.
The next card is the two of diamonds.
And the probability for arranging the cards that way is exactly the same as
the probability for arranging the cards as they were at the start of this lecture.
Ace, I'm sorry, two through ace of diamonds,
two through ace of clubs, and so forth.
So there's something else going on here that
we describe in terms of macrostates and microstates.
In the case of the deck
of cards, the microstate tells you where is every
single card in the deck in a particular order.
There are a huge number of microstates.
Corresponding to 52 choices for the first card, 51 choices for
the second card, all the way down to the last card.
Where as the mi, macro state is
simply a description of the macroscopic particle property.
Is the deck shuffled, or
is the deck ordered?
And it turns out there are a great many ways to arrange the cards that
we call shuffled, and very few ways to arrange the cards that we call ordered.
A different way of saying that is there are a great
many micro states corresponding to the macro state, which is disordered.
And very few micro states.
Corresponding to the macro-state which is ordered.
Let's apply that to the idea of a collection of molecules.
The micro-state is where are each of the molecules like this.
This is a particular microstate.
So is this.
They both belong to the macrostate that we call the crystal.
So, the macrostate called crystal and a macrostate called the gas,
the number of ways of arranging the number of microstates corresponding
to the crystal is quite small.
The number of macro, microstates corresponding
to the gas is actually quite large.
That suggests that we begin to measure that probability, and we measure it with a
number we call W. W is the number of microstates
which correspond to a particular macrostate, as we've seen here.
Don't know why that's in the way.
We then define something we'll call the entropy.
The entropy is a measure of probability in just the
same way that W is a measure of the probability.
That is back over here the probability of the gas
is very much greater than the probability of the crystal.
The way in which we define the entropy is in fact in terms of.
The logarithm.
We take the entropy to be the logarithm
of W, where W is a measure of
the number of microstates for a particular macrostate.
In other words, there's an entropy associated with each macrostate
that corresponds to a particular arrangement in the number of particles.
Notice in this equation.
The entropy is large when W is large where W is the number of microstates.
And W is large when the probability is large because
the more microstates that there are the the more, the larger
the probability will be for spontaneously choosing one of those microstates.
As in the case of the shuffled deck of cards.
That suggests if the probability always increases, that is, we always move
from a less probable state to a more probable state, then W always increases.
And if W always increases,
then S always increases.
This is actually going to be our first stab at the Second Law of Thermodynamics.
That if we define S to be k times
the logarithm of W, then S will increase in any
spontaneous process because W will increase in any spontaneous
process, because the probability will increase in any spontaneous process.
This turns out not
to be a fully qualified statement of the Second Law of Thermodynamics.
But it's a great start
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| -0.326398 | 0.802675 | -0.088423 | 0.997735 |
Known Performance-Enhancing Drugs in Baseball
Posted under: Anabolic Steroids, Baseball – MLB
A list of the performance- enhancing drugs mentioned, and presumably used, during Baseball's Steroid Era. These drugs include steroids, steroid precursors (prohormones), steroid masking agents, and stimulants. Most common names for drugs are listed first.
Anavar (Oxandrolone, Lipidex, Anatrophill, Lonavar)
Medical Use: Steroid used to expedite wound healing and in treatment of hepatitis, cancer, and AIDS wasting. Also used to treat children with growth deficiencies.
Performance-Enhancing Use: It builds strength and muscle mass, aids workout recovery. Generally considered to be the safest of all steroids.
Side Effects: Similar to other anabolic steroids, but to a much lesser degree. Very few side-effects.
Implicated or Admitted: Jose Canseco
Andriol (Testosterone Undecanoate, Mexican Beans)
Medical Use: Steroid used in treatment of testosterone deficiency, including hypogonadism, andropause and related conditions such as delayed puberty in boys.
Performance-Enhancing Use: It builds strength and muscle mass, aids workout recovery. A fast-acting steroids believed to clear the user's system within a few days.
Side Effects: Liver Damage, Acne, Sterility, High Blood Pressure, Enlarged Prostate, Gynocomastia (Development of breast tissue in males), Virilization (Development of male characteristics in women)
Implicated or Admitted: Barry Bonds, Gary Sheffield
Clomid (Clomiphene Citrate, Serophene)
Medical Use: Female fertility drug. Changes the hormone balance of the body.
Performance-Enhancing Use: Enhances the effect of testosterone and masks use of steroids on drug tests.
Side Effects: Headaches, hot flashes. Can exacerbate pituitary gland tumors.
Implicated or Admitted: Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi, Bobby Estalella
The Clear (THG, Tetrahydrogestrinone, Norbolethone)
Medical use: None. An undectectable BALCO steroid. Related to gestrinone, a synthetic hormone used to treat the female gynecological condition endometriosis, and trenbolone, used to improve muscle quality in beef cattle.
Performance-Enhancing Use: Elite athletes were told "the clear" was a steroid "undetectable" by conventional steroid tests.
Side Effects: Unknown. Likely similar to other anabolic steroids."
Implicated or Admitted: Barry Bonds, Jason Giambi, Jeremy Giambi, Benito Santiago, Marvin Bernard, Armando Rios, Randy Velarde, Gary Sheffield, Bobby Estalella
Clenbuterol (Ventipulmin)
Medical use:Used to treat airway obstruction in horses. Outside of the U.S. it is prescribed to sufferers of breathing disorders, such as asthma, as a decongestant and bronchodilator.
Performance-Enhancing Use: Clenbuterol is used for its ability to reduce body fat and increase skeletal muscle mass. Body builders and athletes use Clenbuterol after steroids to balance the resulting catabolic phase and obtain maximum strength and muscle mass.
Side Effects: Headaches, Tremors, Cramps, Restlessness/nervousness, Anxiety, Insomnia, Sweating, Increased appetite, Nausea, Palpitations, Hypertension (high blood pressure)
Implicated or Admitted: Jason Grimsley, Juan Gonzalez
The Cream (Testosterone-Epitestosterone Cream)
Medical Use: None. A BALCO steroid. A mixture of testosterone and epitestosterone, a naturally produced substance with no known function.
Performance-Enhancing use: Builds strength. Undetectable on drug tests which measure the ratio between testosterone and epitestosterone. Helps to balance this ratio while on ster
|
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CommonCrawl
| -1.10509 | 0.527544 | 1.424834 | -0.358845 |
oids.
Creatine**
Medical Use: None. Tested favorably in teatment of Gyrate Atrophy of the Choroid Retina.
Performance-Enhancing Use: Known to be 'perfectly suited' for baseball. It enhances a body chemical called ATP, which provides energy bursts that allow a person to accelerate, or create torque from a stationary position. Pecisely what is needed for swinging a bat or throwing a pitch. Shown in studies to increase the intensity of training workouts, enabling faster and more pronounced muscle growth.
Side-effects: Unknown long-term effects. Few short term effects, none known, but allegedly can cause muscle, tendon, and ligament strains, and diarrhea.
Implicated or Admitted: Mark McGwire, Steve Finley
Deca-Durabolin (Deca, Nandrolone Decanoate)
Medical Use: Prescribed to treat anemia associated with kidney failure, as well as AIDS wasting.
Performance-Enhancing Use: Popular with body-builders, it builds strength and muscle mass, aids workout recovery.
Side Effects: Less severe than most anabolic steroids. Liver damage, acne, sterility, baldness, enlarged prostate, gynocomastia (development of breast tissue in males), virilization (development of male characteristics in women)
Implicated or Admitted Users: Jose Canseco, Jason Giambi, Jeremy Giambi, Mark McGwire, Barry Bonds, Jason Grimsley, Lenny Dykstra, Ivan Rodriguez*, Juan Gonzalez*, Rafael Palmeiro*
Depo-Testosterone (Testosterone Cypionate)
Medical Use: Prescribed for any type of muscular wasting.
Performance-Enhancing Use: Another muscle-building steroid long used by body-builders.
Side Effects: Baldness; Liver damage, acne, sterility, baldness, enlarged prostate, gynocomastia (development of breast tissue in males), virilization (development of male characteristics in women)
Implicated or Admitted: Barry Bonds
Ephedra (Ephedrine)
Medical Use: Diet pill, Stimulant, Ancient Chinese: hay fever, asthma
Performance-Enhancing Use: stimulates the brain, increases heart rate, expands bronchial tubes (making breathing easier), good for working out. Amphetamine-like.
Side Effects: May include irritability, nervousness, dizziness, trembling, headache, vomiting and hyperthermia. Chemical dependence may also develop.
Implicated or Admitted: Steve Bechler
EPO (Erythropoietin, Epogen, Procrit)
Medical Use: Improves the ability of red blood cells to transport oxygen.
Performance-Enhancing Use: An artificial hormone that allows the blood to carry more oxygen, thus boosting endurance. It is favored by endurance athletes and has saturated such sports as professional cycling and cross-country skiing.
Side Effects: Circulatory strain as well as damming (clotting) in smaller blood vessels.
Implicated or Admitted: None in baseball.
Equipoise (Boldenone Undecylenate, Boldabol)
Medical Use: To aid in treating debilitated horses when an improvement in weight, haircoat, or general physical condition is desired.
Performance-Enhancing Use: Considered a long-term anabolic steroid, can last for eight weeks.
Side Effects:High blood pressure, testicular atrophy, liver damage, acne, sterility, baldness, enlarged prostate, gynocomastia (development of breast tissue in males), virilization (development of male characteristics in women)
Implicated or Admitted: Mark McGwire, Jose Canseco, Matt Lawton
Human Growth Hormone (hGH, Somatropin, Somatotropin)
Medical Use: Used to correct stunted growth in children with hormone deficiency, and to treat AIDS wasting.
Performance-Enhancing Use: It builds muscle and strengthens connective tissue, and decreases recovery time, especially when taken in combination with steroids or insulin. Some users
|
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] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| -1.069769 | 0.574264 | 1.04467 | -0.429362 |
report improved eyesight.
Side Effects: Thyroid deficiency, acromegaly (a condition marked by growth of hands, feet and head), enlarged heart, cancer.
Implicated or Admitted: Barry Bonds, Jason Grimsley, Jeremy Giambi, David Segui, Jose Canseco, Paxton Crawford, Wilson Alvarez, Tony Saunders, Mark McGwire, Bobby Estalella, Armando Rios, Lenny Dykstra, Jim Leyritz
Increlex (Insulin-Like Growth Factor-1, IGF-1)
Medical Use: Treatment for growth deficiencies in children.
Performance-Enhancing Use: It builds muscle and strengthens connective tissue, and decreases recovery time, especially when taken in combination with steroids or insulin.
Side effects: Less severe than hGH. Use by adults or any overuse can cause thyroid deficiency, acromegaly (a condition marked by growth of hands, feet and head), enlarged heart, cancer.
Implicated or Admitted: None
Insulin (Humulin, Novolin)
Medical Use: Treatment of diabetes.
Performance-Enhancing Use: Works like a steroid to build muscle, especially when taken with hGH.
Side effects: Sudden drop in blood sugar, potentially fatal "diabetic coma."
Modafinil (Provigil)
Medical Use: Prescribed for and sleep disorders including, narcolepsy, sleep apnea, and excessive sleepiness.
Performance-Enhancing Use: A stimulant.
Side Effects: Mild to moderate severity including headache, nausea, nervousness, rhinitis, diarrhea, back pain, anxiety, insomnia, dizziness, and dyspepsia.
Prohormones (Andro, Androstenedione, 4-androstenedione, 19-norandrostenedione, 19-norandrostenediol, 1-AD, 19-nor)
Medical Use: none.
Performance-Enhancing Use: A direct hormone precursor that aids in testosterone production, and in turn lowering their body fat, building muscles and aiding workouts.
Side Effects: Liver damage, acne, sterility, baldness, enlarged prostate, gynocomastia (development of breast tissue in males), virilization (development of male characteristics in women)
Implicated or Admitted: Mark McGwire, Rico Brogna, Derrick Turnbow, Termmel Sledge, Jason Grimsley
Stanozolol (Winstrol, Winthrop, Stromba)
Medical Use: Prescribed for hereditary angioedema, which causes episodes of swelling of the face, extremities, genitals, bowel wall, and throat.
Performance-Enhancing Use: For 'definition', you don't gain that much weight with it, but you still get stronger. Often used by pitchers who want stregth but not bulk.
Side Effects: Less damaging to ligaments than most anabolic steroids. Liver damage, acne, sterility, baldness, enlarged prostate, gynocomastia (development of breast tissue in males), virilization (development of male characteristics in women)
Implicated or Admitted: Barry Bonds, Mark McGwire, Jose Canseco, Rafael Palmeiro, Benito Santiago, Paxton Crawford, Ivan Rodriguez*, Juan Gonzalez*
Testosterone (Liquid Testosterone, Injectable Testosterone)
Medical use: The hormone is responsible for development of primary and secondary male physical characteristics, including genitalia, fat distribution, and muscle and bone mass.
Performance-Enhancing Use: Testosterone can give athletes an edge by helping them trim body fat and build up muscles. It can ingested easily via an injection, a patch to the skin, or a cream onto the arms and torso.
Side Effects: Liver Damage, Acne, Sterility, High Blood Pressure, Testicular Atrophy, Enlarged Prostate, Gynocomastia (Development of breast tissue in males), Virilization (Development of male characteristics in women).
Implicated or Admitted: Barry Bonds, Mark McG
|
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CommonCrawl
| -0.98554 | 0.631367 | 1.037497 | -0.36517 |
We started using HubSpot more than five years ago, and truth be told, we really didn't want to like it. (More on that here.) But now it's safe to say, we love it. We use HubSpot with almost all our clients and for our own company, and we're in it constantly. Every. Single. Day. So naturally, we've identified a ton of things that have made our lives easier—and will do the same for you. Whether you're just getting started or you've been an avid user for years, this ultimate guide is packed with HubSpot marketing tips, hacks, and tutorials that will take your HubSpot-user experience to a whole new level.
A lot of effort goes into making HubSpot work well, and the onboarding process is no exception. To help you get settled quickly and easily, check out the steps we follow to complete HubSpot onboarding for our clients. Instructional articles from HubSpot are included at the end of each step, and a couple of our own resources are sprinkled throughout.
1. Add HubSpot's tracking code to your website.
If any portion of your website is not hosted on HubSpot—even if it's just a couple pages—you need to install HubSpot's tracking code on those non-HubSpot pages to start collecting analytics. It's as simple as copying and pasting a line of code to the HTML of each non-HubSpot page, as you'll see in the article below.
Putting all your networks in one place makes what we call "social planning" a breeze. Instead of logging in to each and every social network you use to post and interact with followers, you can access all those features from HubSpot's "Social" tab.
3. Exclude all your internal IP addresses.
You want to know how many visitors you have coming to your website, but you don't want your own visits to count toward your reporting. To get the most accurate data possible, you essentially need to "block" visits from you and your team by excluding your IP addresses. You can get your IP addresses by performing a Google search on each computer you and your company use to access or check your company website. Just type, "What is my IP address?" into the Google search bar.
If you have a large company, your IT department may provide a static IP address or an IP range, and these are perfect, too.
If you have existing leads you want to transfer into HubSpot, it's easiest to enter all the data you track into a spreadsheet—name, contact information, company information, budget, etc.—and import that data into HubSpot. As you enter data in the spreadsheet, make sure the title of each column matches the field names in HubSpot—ie: Email vs. Email Address; Website URL vs. Website; Phone Number vs. Phone.
If titles in your spreadsheet don't match the names of HubSpot's fields exactly, HubSpot will ask you to confirm if "Phone" is "Phone Number," if "Email Address" is "Email," etc., before importing the data.
5. Integrate your customer relationship management (CRM).
HubSpot offers a CRM you can use, but if you use a different one, you'll want to connect the two so they "talk" to each other. We recommend using Zapier to connect your CRM to HubSpot. If your CRM has an API connector, Zapier can be the "bridge" between your CRM and HubSpot, syncing data between them.
6. Create folder/file organizational system.
Having a systematic way to name each file and folder you create in HubSpot makes finding your resources simple. It may take a little time to come up with a good plan, but maintaining consistency with your file names keeps you from wasting time scrolling through endless files in search of just one.
7. Set up buyer personas and buyer persona assignment workflows.
For clients who don't already have buyer personas, we'll identify the type of person/people they typically do business with, spend time researching them, and create a short biography for each persona. Check out our detailed process here.
Once you've created your personas, you need a buyer persona workflow so you can assign your contacts to a specific persona. These workflows are sets of criteria—characteristics or actions—that tell you and HubSpot which personas your leads should be assigned to. For example, let's say a characteristic unique to your buyer persona, Medical Mike, is that he's in the medical industry
|
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] | 1,024 |
C4
| 0.199269 | -0.469155 | -0.316834 | 1.351901 |
. One criterion could be that any contact who indicates on a form that they're in the medical industry should be assigned the Medical Mike persona. Other criteria could also be the act of downloading specific white papers, or simply having a specific role in their company.
8. Build and optimize email templates.
You want the emails you send from HubSpot to look similar to the ones you currently send your clients and leads, so build a template in HubSpot that replicates those. This could be a styled template used for monthly newsletters, or just a very simple, unbranded template to be used for workflow and follow-up emails. As you create them, HubSpot will "suggest" different things you can do to your emails to increase their effectiveness.
9. Build and optimize landing page templates.
Keep your copy simple and straightforward yet enticing. You want your readers to quickly understand why they need this content you're offering.
Keep page navigation to a minimum. The goal is for readers to stay on your landing page and submit the form to download your content. Navigation that leads to other pages can be distracting and may cause them to leave your landing page—causing you to miss a conversion opportunity.
Keep form fields to an appropriate limit. If the landing page is offering a top-of-funnel, basic white paper, your form should request some basic information from visitors wanting to download. The more valuable your content is, the more information it's appropriate to request.
10. Point HubSpot pages to a subdomain of your website.
Professional and Enterprise HubSpot customers have the option of moving their website to be hosted on HubSpot or continuing to host it externally with servers like GoDaddy, HostGator, etc. If you're not going to host your entire website on HubSpot, you'll need to "point" any blog pages or landing pages you create to a subdomain of your website.
Doing this ensures that your site gets credit for page visits, keyword rankings, etc.
11. Create custom fields if needed.
What do you hope to accomplish with your online marketing?
What are your biggest online marketing challenges?
How Do I Create A Custom Property From Within My Form?
12. Set up top-of-funnel (TOF), middle-of-funnel (MOF), and bottom-of-funnel (BOF) forms.
TOF forms: first name, last name, and email address.
MOF forms: the three previous fields, plus something additional the client would want to know about a visitor, such as a phone number.
BOF forms: the four previous fields, plus another field or two giving the client additional information about a bottom-of-funnel lead—possibly job title, location, or information about why they are interested in the product or service.
13. Replace your existing website forms with HubSpot forms.
There are lots of different ways you can set up forms on your website, so the exact instructions for this step will vary case by case. For the most part, you're simply replacing your existing forms with the embed code of a HubSpot form.
HubSpot's forms are basic, but they're clean-looking and work with many backgrounds, colors, and themes. If you like the look of HubSpot's forms "out of the box," you can easily insert the embed codes yourself to replace your existing forms. But, if you want your new HubSpot forms styled specifically to match the feel of your website, you'll probably need the help of a web developer to get the exact look you want. Once they're styled to your liking, just insert the forms' embed codes to replace your current forms.
14. Set up smart forms with email notifications.
Smart forms are neat because they adapt to fit the screen size of the visitor's device (like condensing the form for a mobile screen, for example). You can also add smart fields to your forms which track the information contacts submit, and pull in new fields so you get even more data about your leads. Then, just indicate who you want notified when a contact submits one of your smart forms.
15. Set up lead scoring and marketing-qualified lead (MQL) assignment workflows.
Lead scoring is the act of assigning "points" to each contact based on their activities and behaviors. Contacts increase their "score" as they move down the buyer funnel—from a prospect to a lead, to an MQL, to a sales qualified lead (SQL), and whatever final stages you have in your buyer funnel. Once a contact reaches a certain score, HubSp
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| -0.189101 | 0.013621 | -0.275366 | 1.139401 |
ot will notify you that your lead is ready to be passed on to sales. Here's our lead scoring process for more information.
Once lead scoring is in place, you also want to determine what specific characteristics or actions qualify someone as an MQL. Determining these allows you to create an MQL assignment workflow, which is exactly like the buyer persona assignment workflow mentioned above—an easy way to assign contacts to this specific stage of your buyer funnel.
When your lead data and resources for inbound marketing campaigns are ready from the start, you'll see successful results faster than you would by adding these things as you go. Follow our steps for easy onboarding, and feel free to reach out if you have any questions about reaching peak efficiency.
When you're trying to complete a project, the last thing you need is to spend a ton of time looking for files. Not only does it waste time, but it's super stressful sorting and scrolling through a bunch of folders in pursuit of just one file in particular.
We found ourselves in this situation with our HubSpot files, so we created a file-naming system to get things organized. And it's so simple, you can replicate it for your company's files, too!
If you're like us, you send out several kinds of emails. The naming scheme below helps keep all our emails in order.
Follow-up emails are often sent after a contact has downloaded an offer or visited a specific landing page. So, we begin any follow-up email with "Follow-Up:" and finish with the name of the offer or the landing page it's associated with.
For any other emails we send out, we name them to the point so it's easy to find them.
We found that most of our workflows fit under three categories: Persona, Assign Persona, and Funnel. We use those as a kind of prefix for our workflow titles.
For these workflow emails, we begin with the funnel stage the workflow corresponds to, then finish with the name of the offer or title of the corresponding landing page.
For other workflows that don't fit under these categories, we name them to the point to find them easily.
For CTAs going on our thank you pages, we begin with "TY:" and end with the corresponding offer or landing page title.
If you think this looks awfully similar to the regular thank you landing page naming scheme, you're right—it is! But, since HubSpot has a separate tab for landing page and CTA content, your files will be stored in separate locations.
We consider our buttons CTAs since they're asking the user to perform a specific action. Each button's title begins with the action described on the button and ends with the name of the offer or the title of the corresponding landing page.
Sometimes, the only difference between some CTAs is their color. So, if we have multiple copies of the same CTA and the only difference between them is their color (i.e., they all point to the same URL), we simply add the CTA's color in parentheses at the end of the title.
Our naming system is perfect for us. But if it's not quite perfect for you, don't fret—you too can create something unique that will help your company stay organized. The most critical part of any naming system is consistency. Whatever you decide to use, make sure all your team members know about it and commit to follow it. Then you'll never have a problem finding any of your HubSpot files again!
If you follow our blog, you know we often share about the experiences we've had using HubSpot (the good and the bad)—overall, it's been great for our marketing.
But even though it is a great tool, if you're like us, you also use a lot of apps and software outside of HubSpot. Luckily, there are tons of great HubSpot integrations that connect these apps and programs to HubSpot, making HubSpot an even more powerful tool.
Below are five of our favorite HubSpot integrations and a brief explanation of what they do.
It allows us to create and edit forms on our WordPress site, which then automatically update directly in HubSpot.
Any user data we collect on our WordPress site is automatically transferred to our HubSpot database.
If your business uses Salesforce, you're in luck—HubSpot created a custom integration for it. Once you set it up, it syncs any data you want to and from each program so your sales team has all the information they need about leads.
Drawback: While this integration does work well, some of our clients have had challenges with the sync function
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suspending. We've found that how well the integration works is dependent on what Salesforce plan you have and how many fields you want to sync between it and HubSpot. During syncing, it makes a lot of API calls, and depending on your Salesforce plan, you may have a limited number of API calls to work with.
With this HubSpot integration, you can create and send surveys through SurveyMonkey. When a person completes a survey, SurveyMonkey transfers the results directly into HubSpot's contact record for that person.
Drawback: The integration can't change the contact's properties based on a survey result, but it does insert their results in the contact's timeline so you can make the appropriate updates.
Want to put content in front of visitors that will really pique their interest? Use BrightInfo. It analyzes your content, analyzes your users' behaviors, and shows users the best content to cater to their specific interests and behaviors.
If you use a program, app, or software that doesn't already have a HubSpot integration, Zapier is an amazing solution (so long as whatever you're using has some kind of API connector). Zapier is the "bridge" that connects two programs, and it works really well with HubSpot. For example, if you use a CRM other than HubSpot's, you might use Zapier to connect your CRM to HubSpot and pass qualified leads to your sales team.
What HubSpot integrations have you found most helpful and useful? Let us know over on Twitter—@nectafy!
I know, I know—the word "audit" can be a little scary. Personally, I think of numbers, spreadsheets, and a serious headache when I see or hear the word (and then immediately run in the opposite direction). But don't let it intimidate you, because I'm here to talk about a completely different kind of audit—one that is crucial to your inbound success.
If you use HubSpot to carry out your inbound marketing efforts (or even if you don't), you know that there are a lot of pieces that must all fit together perfectly in order to effectively execute your inbound strategy. And if just one component is broken, that could be all it takes for a warm lead to go completely cold.
This is why once a month we perform a "HubSpot audit" for Nectafy, and we make this service available to all of our clients as well. We go through each and every live landing and thank you page, all follow-up emails, and workflows and their associated emails.
So, because we're big on sharing here at Nectafy, we wanted to pass along our process for conducting a HubSpot audit, so that you too can have all the pieces of your inbound puzzle running flawlessly.
In HubSpot, navigate to Content > Landing Pages.
Select Published from the drop-down menu.
Click through all URLs, including calls-to-action (CTAs), to make sure there are no broken links.
Fill out any forms to make sure they submit properly.
Confirm thank you page or in-line thank you message appears as it should.
In HubSpot, navigate to Content > Blog. Note: If your blog is hosted elsewhere, like WordPress, navigate to that portal.
Select Published from the left-hand side.
View each article live (select drop-down arrow, then View).
Click through all URLs (including CTAs) to make sure there are no broken links.
Scan for any odd formatting, errors, etc.
Tip: You likely have a ton of articles, so we recommend performing a random check of 10-15 blog posts, and selecting different ones to audit each month.
In HubSpot, navigate to Content > Email.
Preview each email (select drop-down arrow, then Preview).
Click through all URLs (including any CTAs) to make sure there are no broken links.
In HubSpot, navigate to Contacts > Workflows.
Confirm there are no error alerts.
If there are automated emails sent in the workflow, click through each email to confirm that all links are functioning, there are no formatting errors, etc.
The great thing about our audit process is that it can be implemented on any platform, even if you're not a HubSpot user (you can read more about our experience with HubSpot here). The exact steps may vary, but the overall method of reviewing landing pages, blog posts, emails, and workflows is imperative, regardless of the
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C4
| 0.135927 | -0.308716 | -0.349449 | 0.942081 |
platform you use.
Conducting a HubSpot audit will probably be the most painless audit you will ever perform. Not to mention, it's an easy way to keep your leads warm and coming back for more.
Do you regularly perform audits of your inbound content? Let me know in the comment section or tweet us @nectafy—I'd love to hear what tips you have!
I love lists. I make them for everything—grocery shopping lists, to-do lists, packing lists, lists to keep track of the books I want to read and ideas for my upcoming wedding—you name it, and I likely have a list for it.
Typically, these lists are handwritten. There's just something about putting pen to paper and detailing out what needs to get accomplished that makes it more enjoyable (not to mention the tremendous amount of satisfaction I get when I'm able to cross off an item once it's complete!). Even with advanced technology and all of the endless (and I'll admit, cool) ways that I could be making lists right from my computer or phone, I still prefer the old fashioned kind. Except when it comes to HubSpot lists.
As you already know by now, we use HubSpot for not only our own inbound marketing efforts but for our clients' as well. And one of the features of the software is the ability to create lists—an incredibly important part of marketing.
HubSpot allows you to funnel your contacts into lists based on certain properties and traits. This is useful when emailing or setting up workflows so you're able to send (or not send) to the contacts you want.
While these are obvious ways to utilize HubSpot lists, there is actually a lot more you can do than just organize and email your contacts.
HubSpot's reporting features allow you to glean basic insights on visits, leads, and customers by source as well as keyword and page performance reports. This information is helpful when looking at the big picture, but when it comes time to dive into more in-depth analytics, you won't find a report for that. Unless you want to spend an extra $200 per month on HubSpot's "Reporting Add-On."
What you can do, though, is pocket that extra $2,400 a year and get a similar wealth of detailed analytics utilizing HubSpot lists. Check out some of the ways we've been able to use lists for advanced reporting.
Every month, we implement a blog "optimization" for some of our clients, which is typically a small tweak in the way we are currently doings things with the goal of increasing leads and conversion rate. This may be adding an H3 CTA to the body of an article, swapping out a designed CTA for a more relevant offer, or giving the blog post a "refresh" by adding in new content.
Select a period of time before you made the blog optimization. Example: 4/01/2016–6/10/2016.
Go to "Page Performance" in HubSpot, and report on the number of page views for the time period you've chosen. Divide page views by blog contacts to get the page's conversion rate.
Back in lists, select a period of time after you made the blog optimization. Example: 6/11/2016–9/20/2016. Divide page views by blog contacts to get the page's conversion rate.
By first running the list before the blog optimization was made, we're able to see how many contacts came directly to the blog. Once the conversion rate of the blog post is determined, we'll update the list's Create Date to after the optimization was made (using the same duration of time for accurate reporting). Once we have both conversion rates, we'll compare the two. If the conversion rate is higher post-optimization, then we know we were successful.
We define a lead coming from a blog post as "First Page Seen," but note that this starting condition will only work if your blog posts include "blog" in the URL.
If you're a HubSpot user, you're probably all too familiar with its pricing model and how the cost is tied to the number of contacts you have in the portal. Over time these contacts can really start to add up, many of them being dead leads, so it's important to be able to get a better idea of who these contacts are.
The list criteria will vary depending on the nature of your business and what you deem an "inactive" or "disengaged"
|
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| 0.260912 | -0.540533 | -0.238381 | 0.795355 |
contact, so we recommend you decide on a definition that is specific to your company and industry.
Whether you attempt to re-engage these leads with an email campaign or purge them altogether is up to you, but this will give you a much better picture of the number of disengaged contacts you have in your portal and when they last visited or interacted with your site.
It's important to have a solid understanding of who your leads are, and we recommend reporting on this monthly using one of the following methods.
You've spent time identifying your buyer personas, but now what? While HubSpot does show leads by persona on your dashboard, they're only displayed as a percentage of your total contacts, not by month.
By creating a separate list for each of your organization's personas, you'll be able to determine how many contacts that month were attributed to each.
If you've been dedicating your inbound efforts to blogging and writing offers geared toward CEO Charlie, but your monthly buyer persona list shows that the majority of your company's leads are Manager Pat, you'll know that it's time to reevaluate your strategy.
You can also take this a step further by adding the condition that the contact property Lifecycle Stage is equal to Lead, MQL, or Customer to further analyze your contacts' personas, as seen in the example below.
Lead scoring is a feature that allows you to assign points to your leads based on their activities and behaviors. It helps you determine which leads should be prioritized and moved along to sales.
Checking this list periodically will help you determine when it may be time to send a nurture email campaign to less engaged contacts versus who is active on your website and should be prioritized as a lead.
You can learn a lot from MQL reporting, such as the lead's first referring site, their recent conversion, their original source (organic search, paid, social, direct traffic, etc.) and more by exporting these properties from the list. In fact, we send one of our clients a weekly MQL report so they can compare week-over-week where around the world all of their MQLs are coming from, which offers are converting the most leads, how those contacts got to their website, and more.
Does your company offer a free trial? If so, you can dive into more detailed analytics (such as how many people per month are requesting a trial, if there is a trend in the region of the country/world contacts are coming from, how long they spend on your site before requesting a trial, etc.) by creating a list and then exporting your selected properties.
HubSpot lists are a great way to dive deeper into some pretty useful analytics, but if you aren't careful with how you name them, you'll quickly become confused as to which lists are what.
Make sure each list has a specific and clear name so you can quickly navigate to that list when needed. And be as detailed as possible so your reporting continues to be a breeze—not an added headache.
How Do You Use Lists?
I'd love to hear how you use HubSpot lists (or any list for that matter!) for your company's detailed reporting. Let me know by sending us a tweet—@nectafy!
There's a reason we're taught from a young age to separate our whites from our reds when we're doing laundry—some things are just meant to be done independently. It can make life easier and much more efficient (hello, no more white-turned-pink clothes!).
Well, it turns out that HubSpot doesn't necessarily share this same view when it comes to trying to manage two websites within its platform. If you have a standalone product or brand, or perhaps two very different audiences, you may have more than one website. But the only two options HubSpot makes available to users are the Professional account, which results in a completely separate portal for each of your websites, or the Enterprise account, which is a single portal for all of your websites.
Because the Professional account only supports one domain, this means that if you have three different websites you would like to manage in HubSpot, you'll need three completely separate Professional accounts. This is certainly effective for reporting, since you'll be able to gather data for each domain independently, but it doesn't come without its downsides. You'll have to pay for three separate accounts, you'll be jumping around from one portal to the other every time you want to do or check something for a different domain, and you won't be able to see the data across all of your domains in one place.
If you
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C4
| 0.203175 | -0.099286 | -0.293971 | 1.189996 |
go the HubSpot Enterprise route, you'll need a strategy right from the very beginning in order to manually organize how you're going to manage your two different sites within the same portal, since HubSpot makes it pretty much impossible to separate the two out from one another. And keep in mind that the longer you wait to devise a plan, the more confusing your portal is going to become.
Lucky for you, we recently created a HubSpot management plan for one of our clients trying to juggle two separate sites within the portal, and we're sharing our exact strategy with you.
Leads, keywords, reporting… before we can even dive into figuring out how to manage each of these, we'll need to first start with a universal naming scheme that everyone at the company can adhere to.
Note that it's important to list the domain first when naming items in HubSpot, as it will allow you to sort or search by domain quickly.
Separating out leads is one of the most important reasons for implementing this HubSpot management system. Surely you're going to want to know which leads are attributed to which website, and this process will make that doable.
Follow this process to assign each contact to a particular domain.
Mark "Domain" as DOMAIN #1.
Mark "Domain" as DOMAIN #2.
Keep yourself organized by having two sets of lists for each "Domain." The suggested list titles and conditions are outlined below.
Domain #2: Follow the same rules as above, except replace DOMAIN #1 with DOMAIN #2.
Assign a DOMAIN #1 persona if the contact meets the job role criteria AND they have "Domain" set as DOMAIN #1.
Assign a DOMAIN #2 persona if the contact meets the job role criteria AND they have "Domain" set as DOMAIN #2.
Now that you've established a way to attribute leads to each of your domains, you'll want to put this data to use by reporting on it.
Without all of the above steps, reporting on monthly visits, leads, and MQLs by domain would be impossible. But now that we've established a way to attribute leads to each domain, we're almost ready to put this data to use by reporting on it. The process for reporting on this criteria is outlined below (but keep in mind that if you want to dive even deeper and pull more detailed data, you may want to utilize Google Analytics as well).
Initially, we thought determining visits by domain would be a piece of cake with HubSpot's Events tool. But after some back and forth with their support team, I quickly discovered that Events can only be used to track specific actions—such as a click on a particular page—not actions across an entire domain.
In HubSpot, navigate to Reports > Page Performance.
Filter the results by the month you are reporting on and report on all pages.
Export the file (located in the top, right-hand corner).
Delete out row one and columns E-M.
Sort the spreadsheet by URL (A to Z).
Delete out all rows that don't start with the domain name you are reporting on.
When only URLs for the domain you are reporting on are remaining, add up the total in column D for total views.
Use the list you previously created, "DOMAIN #1 - Leads," and filter by month to determine the number of leads that came from that domain. Repeat the process for your other domain(s).
Use the list you previously created, "DOMAIN #1 - MQLs," and filter by month to determine the number of MQLs that came from that domain. Repeat the process for your other domain(s).
Keywords targeted for DOMAIN #1 need to be tagged with the "DOMAIN #1" campaign.
Keywords targeted for DOMAIN #2 need to be tagged with the "DOMAIN #2" campaign.
At the risk of sounding dramatic, this entire process will quickly become useless if you don't have your whole team (or anyone else who helps with your company's HubSpot management) on board. So make sure that everyone who needs to know these rules are up to date on this process and that they routinely follow these steps when working in HubSpot.
And while we may have initially patted ourselves on the backs over here at Nectafy for figuring out a "cheat" to managing two domains within a HubSpot Enterprise account, the truth of the matter is, if the software is going to allow you to run both within one portal (and charge you for it), you should be able to report on each domain separately
|
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] | 1,024 |
C4
| 0.074963 | 0.192716 | -0.380046 | 1.038211 |
.
Hopefully HubSpot will soon catch on that bundling everything into one portal doesn't necessarily make life easier if we're not able to extract valuable information based on domain. In the meantime, we've done the dirty work for you, and once you have the process down, reporting on two different domains will be as clean and tidy as your diligently separated light and dark laundry.
Have you run into any issues with managing two domains in one HubSpot portal? Get in touch @nectafy—I'd love to hear your thoughts on the topic.
ClearPoint Strategy, a Nectafy client, is a software company that offers a free trial of its Balanced Scorecard software. People would frequently come to the site to fill out the free trial request form, get distracted and forget they'd done it, and then return to fill out the form again a few days later. This was making it hard for reporting because it'd be counted as two requests instead of one. Furthermore, these people would also fill out the form a bit differently the second time, which would present conflicting data.
They wanted to find a way to show people a message who have already filled out the form. We went about finding a way in HubSpot, and have included the video tutorial below.
People frequently fill out forms more than once, and you want to stop that from happening.
Customers want to download your content, and you don't want to annoy them by asking for contact information.
Use "Smart Content" in HubSpot in place of "Forms." Smart Content allows you to show certain content to people if they fit into one criteria, and different content if they've taken other actions on your site. For this scenario, you'd want to show a message for people who have already filled out the form (or who are customers), and you'd want to show the form to people who haven't filled it out before (or who are not customers). Here's the result.
Now, if you haven't already, go check out the video above.
Did this help you? Do you have questions about how to solve a certain problem in HubSpot? We're up for the challenge. Tweet at us (@nectafy)—your idea or question could become our next HubSpot Hack!
Check out the video below to follow along. If you'd like to see the process listed out in steps, we have that for you below the video. Today's HubSpot Hack will help you find vertical-specific keywords, rank for them, and attract and categorize leads in HubSpot. It works.
1. Multiply your main keywords with target verticals in Keyword Planner.
Google's Keyword Planner has a helpful tool that I feel like is underutilized, but it can really help you find target keywords.
The image above is from real research we've done for a Nectafy client, Link Labs. They are a wireless engineering company in the Internet of Things (IoT) space, and they've found a handful of verticals that can benefit most from their solutions.
We put the main keywords on the left side (these would be equivalent to terms like inbound marketing, CRM, or billing software).
We put the verticals they sell to on the right side.
All of these are great keywords for Link Labs—a startup with a new website. The competition is low, there are groups of related terms, and there are enough monthly searches to justify us targeting these keywords. We decided to write about "IoT agriculture" first.
2. Write a blog post targeting your vertical-specific keyword groups.
3. Embed a strong and related call-to-action (CTA).
If you do end up ranking for the term you targeted, you'll want a way to turn a portion of your readers into leads. Make sure your blog post includes a CTA that is related to the topic and interesting to the reader.
4. Track your keyword rankings.
With this blog post, we're on the first page for 10 related search phrases. HubSpot marks all of them as "low" monthly search volume, but we know from checking Google that "iot agriculture" attracts 170 searches per month. Add up all of these terms, and we're definitely attracting some targeted traffic in one of our main verticals.
5. Segment your new leads into their own vertical list.
Now that you're stockpiling visitors and leads from this one blog post, it's time to organize them neatly in HubSpot. One way to do that
|
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C4
| 0.212684 | -0.357707 | 0.010429 | 1.245651 |
Well, The girls gamed last night and finished the dead tree / dungeon crawl. The girls loved it had a blast in doing the fights, killing the ants, scorpions and rats hidden in the different levels, and I prepared to start them down the path to the next adventure arc. However … my older girls said words I dreaded "Daddy, I don't think I want to play again" … crushing !
After talking with her, it comes out that it isn't gaming she is starting not to like, but gaming a system where she is a squirrel, and everyone is some form of an animal .
So, I talked about playing Marvel and a couple of other super games back in the day. And of course about our Victorious game. That is what set the hook for her. Little sister was disappointed about not playing Tolkien, well she was until I described some characters and then she had her nucleus for her character & background all figured out ! She to is now sold on it !!!!!
There is one however (the modified) , it will be set in today's time frame. The haven't gotten into history enough to find interes in the Victorian setting ideas and attitudes. So I have to update the story heroes and villains from Victorian setting to today. But that won't be too hard.
Now … what adventures are fitting for heros being played by an 11 year old and a 9 1/2 year old ????
What are good ideas for adventure arcs suitable for you pre-teen girls that aren't my standard default 'Grim' influence ???
Any hints ideas etc welcome !!!
Take a page from Kingsmen. Rich Tycoon aka Goldfinger or some Illuminati type. Maybe illegal human experiments trying to make artificial super humans and the crime gangs are funding it covertly. Or some such thing since I am assuming you don't want to go down the darker roads.
The campaigns that meant the most to me were the ones that had NPC's and other characters that it felt meaningful to interact with. I also enjoyed games where there was an opportunity to take on more responsibility. One of my earliest memories of gaming is when my brother's character (who was a sorceror) was going to be arrested for using magic in a town where it was outlawed when he had used it to save towns people. The lord of the small town was a known fighter and to save him from jail time for doing what I felt was the right thing I challenged the lord to a duel. He accepted and I won by the skin of my teeth as a Ranger. I became the new lord of that town and had to deal with those new responsibilities or deciding who would take it on instead in a way I would approve of and would still provide stability to the town. Anything that was morally challenging or had a problem solving element to it really float my boat more so than straight combat.
To take a page from Cloak & Dagger, have them playing school kids (maybe older) and the gangs are kidnapping their school friends for said experiments. Thus they use their super identities to try and help the friends, while their secret ID's can be used to hunt for clues in the school?
Great first night game with the 2 of them!
Then - showing how evil I am, the wisdom check at the end of the game with 'didn't you see some one else, standing by the phone pole at the edge of the paring lot ... is he there now ... and now the fire alarm and burglar alarm from the room the protected drugs are kept just started going off, and your cell phone (now you think to look again) is now getting a signal (they thought in the middle of the fight to try and call 9111, but the cell phones didn't have any signal). Then isn't 15 people a bit much to rob a drug store coffee shop at 2200 at night, why were there soooo many - the perfect look with realizing there is more to this!
Then the cops pull in ... what story do they tell the cops ????
Sounds like a great time! Good use of Probability Manip., it can really come in handy when events get out of control. Are you going to do a Treebore and let them modify their powers a bit now so as to make the next game more fun?
Oh, and how are you handling Victory Points?
:lol: Sounds like a great time! Good use of Probability Manip., it can really come in
|
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] | 1,024 |
C4
| -0.422429 | -0.887041 | -0.572817 | -0.402879 |
This family and group of Patriots have already beaten the odds. Will their luck hold out?
The Bunkerville Standoff trial in Las Vegas, Nevada has not gone well for the prosecution.
The conviction rate for Federal Prosecutions are extraordinarily high, with most years showing higher than 99%. Between guilty pleas and trials, the conviction rate was 99.8% in U.S. federal courts in 2015: 126,802 convictions and 258 acquittals. That wasn't an anomaly. In 2014 the conviction rate was 99.76% and in 2013 it was 99.75%.
However, in the high-profile Bunkerville Standoff case, the prosecution is lowering the rate considerably.
19 people were indicted and incarcerated over the protest that ended with the Bureau of Land Management releasing Cliven Bundy's cattle. A few defendants have taken plea offers, notably Blaine Cooper and Gerald Delemus.
The majority of the defendants have chosen to go to trial. The first trial early this year had 6 men facing 10 charges each, including 2 conspiracy charges, for a total of 60 charges. Greg Burleson was convicted of 8 of 10 charges, and was sentenced to 68 years in Federal prison. He was not convicted of the conspiracy charges.
Todd Engel was convicted of two of the lesser charges. He is scheduled to be sentenced in December. The remaining charges for these two men, as well as the other 4 defendants, were declared a mistrial when the jury could not agree on verdicts.
The prosecution chose to retry the 4 this summer. The second trial ended with full acquittals for Steven Stewart and Rick Lovelein, and a majority of acquittals for Scott Drexler and Eric Parker. Drexler had 2 remaining charges and Parker was left with 4 charges.
The prosecution immediately announced they would go for a third trial against these two men, incorporating their third trial into the trial of the "leaders" of the standoff, Cliven Bundy, two of his sons, Ammon and Ryan, as well as Ryan Payne and internet radio host, Pete Santilli.
The prosecution started offering plea agreements to most of the defendants, including Parker, Drexler, Santilli and Ammon Bundy. Then, the tragedy of October first, the Las Vegas shooting, happened just days before the trial was to begin.
The prosecution immediately withdrew their plea agreements. These men would have to face the jury during the initial aftermath of a city still in shock.
Santilli's attorney, Chris Rasmussen, worked diligently to work a plea agreement for a single felony count of Conspiracy for his client, which was accepted. Ammon Bundy was offered the same deal, a single felony charge with time served, and he could go home. He refused to negotiate, insisting he would go to trial.
The prosecution, which had initially offered Parker and Drexler misdemeanor plea agreements, tried to coerce Parker into accepting a felony charge, which he adamantly refused. They even tried to tie it to defendant Drexler's offer, basically telling them that Drexler could not get a misdemeanor if Parker did not accept the felony. The men stood strong, as they had during this entire ordeal, and the prosecution relented. Both men accepted misdemeanor plea agreements.
This still did not do much for the prosecution's conviction rate, as they had 2 chances to convict the "Bundy Bridge Sniper" and could not get better than a small misdemeanor charge of obstructing a court order.
"Any person that goes to a protest better be prepared for an obstruction charge. That is the point of going to a protest," Eric Parker said after the change of plea hearing.
Members of this same Bundy family were acquitted in another high-profile Federal case in Portland, Oregon just last year. This has increased the already enormous amount of pressure Acting US Attorney Steven Myhre is under to obtain convictions on the remaining defendants.
This family and group of Patriots have already beaten the odds. Will their luck hold out? Will prosecutor Myhre, and his inability to gain conv
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] | 1,024 |
C4
| 0.149513 | 0.174547 | 0.99984 | 0.138884 |
Biological Classification
Climate Indicators
Spectral/Engineering
Terrestrial Hydrosphere
Instruments/Sensors
Platforms/Sources
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Record Search Query: [Location: Location_Category='GEOGRAPHIC REGION', Location_Type='EQUATORIAL']
IPCC Special Report on Emissions Scenarios (SRES) Emissions Scenarios Dataset Version 1.1
Entry ID: CIESIN_SEDAC_IPCC_SRES_EMSC_V11_1.1
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Abstract: The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) Special Report on Emissions Scenarios (SRES) Emissions Scenarios Dataset Version 1.1 consists of 40 global and regional greenhouse gases (GHGs) and sulfur emissions scenarios projected every 10 years beginning in 1990 through 2100. The scenarios are based on extensive assessment of driving forces and emissions in the scenario literature, alternative modeling approaches, and an open process that solicited wide participation and feedback. The scenarios provide the basis for future assessments of climate change and possible response strategies. This dataset is produced by the IPCC and is distributed by the Columbia University Center for International Earth Science Information Network (CIESIN).
Purpose: To provide new emissions scenarios for the IPCC Assessment Reports.
Link: View Related Information
Description: Data Set DOI URL and Homepage
Description: Data Download Page
Spatial coordinates
N: 90.0 S: -90.0 E: 180.0 W: -180.0
Data Set Citation
Dataset Originator/Creator: Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change - IPCC
Dataset Title: IPCC Special Report on Emissions Scenarios (SRES) Emissions Scenarios Dataset Version 1.1
Dataset Release Date: 2000-01-01T00:00:00.000Z
Dataset Release Place: Palisades, NY
Dataset Publisher: NASA Socioeconomic Data and Applications Center (SEDAC)
Dataset DOI: 10.7927/H4N29TWJ
Online Resource: https://doi.org/10.7927/H4N29TWJ
Stop Date: 2100-12-31
Location Keywords
CONTINENT > AFRICA
CONTINENT > ASIA
CONTINENT > AUSTRALIA/NEW ZEALAND > AUSTRALIA
CONTINENT > NORTH AMERICA > CENTRAL AMERICA
GEOGRAPHIC REGION > EQUATORIAL
CONTINENT > EUROPE
GEOGRAPHIC REGION > GLOBAL
GEOGRAPHIC REGION > MID-LATITUDE
CONTINENT > ASIA > WESTERN ASIA > MIDDLE EAST
CONTINENT > NORTH AMERICA
GEOGRAPHIC REGION > POLAR
CONTINENT > SOUTH AMERICA
start here with 1 in span in link
Computer > Computer
IPCC > Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change
Access Constraints None
Use Constraints The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) and Trustees of Columbia University in the City of New York hold the copyright of this dataset. Users are prohibited from any commercial, non-free resale, or redistribution without explicit written permission from IPCC and CIESIN. Users should acknowledge the IPCC SRES report, published by Cambridge University Press, as the source used in the creation of any reports, publications, new datasets, derived products, or services resulting from the use of this dataset. IPCC and CIESIN also request reprints of any publications and notification of any redistributing efforts.
Data Set Progress
Socioeconomic Data and Applications Center
Data Center URL: https://sedac.ciesin.columbia.edu/
Data
|
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CommonCrawl
| -1.151281 | 0.090191 | 0.113091 | 0.252723 |
Center Personnel
Name: SEDAC USER SERVICES
Email: ciesin.info at ciesin.columbia.edu
61 Route 9W, P.O. Box 1000
City: Palisades
Province or State: NY
CIESIN METADATA ADMINISTRATION
Role: METADATA AUTHOR
Email: metadata at ciesin.columbia.edu
Province or State: New York
SEDAC USER SERVICES
Role: TECHNICAL CONTACT
Rosenzweig, C., P. Neofotis, M. Vicarelii, and X. Xing (2008-01-01T00:00:00.000Z), IPCC Fourth Assessment Report (AR4) Observed Climate Change Impacts Database, NASA Socioeconomic Data and Applications Center (SEDAC), Palisades, NY, doi:10.7927/H4542KJV, https://doi.org/10.7927/H4542KJV
Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change - IPCC (2000-01-01T00:00:00.000Z), IPCC IS92 Emissions Scenarios (A, B, C, D, E, F) Dataset Version 1.1, NASA Socioeconomic Data and Applications Center (SEDAC), Palisades, NY, doi:10.7927/H41C1TT4, https://doi.org/10.7927/H41C1TT4
Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change - IPCC (1998-01-01T00:00:00.000Z), IPCC Socio-Economic Baseline Dataset, NASA Socioeconomic Data and Applications Center (SEDAC), Palisades, NY, doi:10.7927/H4WM1BB7, https://doi.org/10.7927/H4WM1BB7
Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change - IPCC (2000-01-01T00:00:00.000Z), IPCC Special Report on Emissions Scenarios (SRES) 1x1 Degree Gridded Emissions Dataset, NASA Socioeconomic Data and Applications Center (SEDAC), Palisades, NY, doi:10.7927/H4RV0KMH, https://doi.org/10.7927/H4RV0KMH
Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change - IPCC (2000-01-01T00:00:00.000Z), IPCC Special Report on Emissions Scenarios (SRES) Fluor-Gases Emissions Dataset, NASA Socioeconomic Data and Applications Center (SEDAC), Palisades, NY, doi:10.7927/H4HD7SKJ, https://doi.org/10.7927/H4HD7SKJ
Yohe, G., E. Malone, A. Brenkert, M. Schlesinger, H. Meij, X. Xing, and D. Lee (2006-01-01T00:00:00.000Z), Synthetic Assessment of Global Distribution of Vulnerability to Climate Change: Maps and Data, 2005, 2050, and 2100, NASA Socioeconomic Data and Applications Center (SEDAC), Palisades, NY, doi:10.7927/H4XG9P2R, https://doi.org/10.7927/H4XG9P2R
Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) (2017-01-01T00:00:00.000Z), IPCC Fifth Assessment Report (AR5) Observed Climate Change Impacts Database, Version 2.01, NASA So
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1105
] | 1,024 |
CommonCrawl
| -1.463743 | 0.1434 | -0.031712 | -0.359952 |