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Dataset card Data Studio Files
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Enthusiastic, even.
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Ray, he shook his head, and broke the quiet he'd held most of the evening.
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“You've got it all wrong.”
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He looked from Sarah, to Adrienne, to Zheng, to Kishori and Tiffany, to me.
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“Obviously, we can't last longer than the rest of the universe.
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We aren't giving anyone purpose.
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All we're doing is existing.
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All we're doing is eating and drinking and shitting, breathing and fucking and nothing important, ever.
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We aren't special.”
2
“Again, bleak,”
2
“Again, bleak,” commented Zheng.
2
Adrienne gestured for him to be quiet.
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She leaned forward, setting her elbows on the foot stool in front of her.
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“You never know when it will end,”
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“You can't hold on forever, even if you don't ever, ever want to forget.
3
How long until the memories slip away?
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How long until all you remember is this, the ship, the thick red carpeting, the chandeliers, the empty conversations you hold with the other shells who used to be people?
0
I wondered how long Ray had been on this ship.
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I wondered why, if he had such an unpropitious outlook, he hadn't tried to change his situation.
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I wanted to ask, but he was still talking, and I was too self-conscious to interrupt.
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“You can try to hold on,”
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“You can try to hold on,” said Ray.
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“You can try and try and try.
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Repeat stories to yourself in the artificial night, sketch faces in your mind.
0
But words, if you repeat them enough times, lose their meaning.
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My wife's name, once.
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Repeat it enough times, it's just a sound.
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These signals were the heralds of my saviors.
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No longer grounded.”
1
Ray, he said, “If we last forever, if our eyes are the last eyes watching as the stars blink out, it won't mean a thing to us.
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“If we last forever, if our eyes are the last eyes watching as the stars blink out, it won't mean a thing to us. We won't care that we're last and we won't care that there are no more stars. We aren't angels. We're just dumb and lucky.”
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We aren't angels.
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We're just dumb and lucky.”
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“Pure dumb luck,”
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“Pure dumb luck,” he said.
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“Struck a nerve, huh?”
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said Zheng.
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“Sorry,”
0
“Sorry,” said Ray.
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“How long ago was that?”
1
asked Adrienne.
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“Leaving your wife, I mean.
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“Leaving your wife, I mean. Traveling on this ship.”
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The first words they said to me meant nothing.
0
Ray, he looked down at his hands, folded together in his lap, fingers interlaced.
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“I don't know,”
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“I don't know,” he said.
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We were all quiet for a moment.
1
Ray shrugged, then got up and left.
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We let him go.
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Silent.
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Self-conscious.
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More excuses were made, and after a few moments, only Adrienne and I were left sitting in the ballroom.
2
She looked across the circle of couches at me.
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“What's your theory?”
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she asked me.
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I shrugged.
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“How long have you been here?”
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I wasn't listening; I didn't care; I was going to live; I was going to keep breathing.
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“Not that long,”
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“Not that long,” I said.
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“A couple weeks, I guess. Maybe a month or two.”
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Maybe a month or two.”
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“Why don't you know for sure?”
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she asked.
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I shrugged.
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I hadn't been counting days.
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“What did you do before this?
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“What did you do before this? How were you found?”
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How were you found?”
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“I was an engineer.”
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I explained how my ship had malfunctioned, no warning at all.
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The explosions, the impossible rescue.
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She nodded.
1
“The ship I was on, I guess that's what happened, too.
3
“The ship I was on, I guess that's what happened, too. Some vital part broke, and... well, boom. It was all so fast.”
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Some vital part broke, and...
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well, boom.
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It was all so fast.”
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“I'm going to figure it out,”
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“I'm going to figure it out,” she said.
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“How and why this ship exists.
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“How and why this ship exists. I'll figure it out, then I'm going to find a way home.”
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I paced my room that night, unable to sleep.
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Next to those, nothing else mattered.
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Worse, Adrienne had made this clear to me with a single question.
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Fact: Adrienne intimidated me.
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Fact: It's too easy to fall into patterns.
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I resolved to break the pattern.
3
Another evening, another chandeliered room, another swirl of conversations and dances and hor d'oevres.
0
The recycled air tasted sweet in my mouth, and all thoughts that crossed my mind were cheap metaphors about life-giving substances and how breathing was like sex, only better.
1
“Has anyone ever left?”
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Adrienne looked at each of us in turn.
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Ray exchanged a glance with Zheng.
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Sarah frowned.
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“Now that you mention it, I haven't seen Alexis in days.
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“Now that you mention it, I haven't seen Alexis in days. I assumed he was indisposed.”
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I assumed he was indisposed.”
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Kishori nodded in agreement.
1
After the first whoosh of the air being sucked away, there was lightning, but no thunder.
2