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732,095 |
female
| 23 |
indUnk
|
Pisces
|
05,July,2004
|
There's nothing worse than the Hamptons on a rainy day. And even worse is a rainy end to a weekend. For all their hype, this place can be suffocatingly boring--especially without the sunshine. If you think about it, the only thing to do here during the day is to go to the beach, and when that options out, you're not left with much more. Sure you could walk around any of the villages, or attempt to go shopping, but with the traffic, that's not even an option. I would go to Bridgehampton or East Hampton and casually stroll through the villages, popping into all the stores where I couldn't afford a sock, let alone an entire outfit. And driving the few miles east to get to them wouldn't be such a bad thing, but driving back would be an absolute NIGTHMARE. Not to mention the fact that I'd just be torturing myself by seeing all these wonderful things that I could never afford. So basically, I'm left with nothing. I'm just sitting in my house, rotting. Staring at the wall, flipping through the channels, playing minesweeper endlessly. Stuck anyway you look at it--anywhere I go I'm going to have to drive west at some point, which is NOT an option today. I can't even go to the movies--because that's what everyone else is probably doing, and I hate going to the movies when the theaters are PACKED. I can't complain though, Saturday and Sunday were gorgeous. You'd think I'd be used to this by now--having lived here all my life, and spent every summer here, you'd think I would have found a way to pass these long rainy days away. Twenty three years in and I'm still hopelessly searching for something to bide the time.... But here I am, 1pm, trapped in my own house.
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732,095 |
female
| 23 |
indUnk
|
Pisces
|
03,July,2004
|
Sometimes my own insecurities amaze me. I try to so hard to come off as settled, content, normal, when most of the time, the real me doesn't fit that bill. I used to think that all my troubles would be gone if I were prettier, if guys hit on me more, if I had a boyfriend, if I lost 10 pounds, if I had a tan, blah blah blah. I wanted to be vain. I wanted to be beautiful. But I wasn't. The truth is, I was chunky. Not fat, but... 'slightly overweight'. And because of that, I was so insecure, so sensitive, so shy. And I did what most overweight girls do--I tried to play the part of the funny one. Isn't that what ususally happens to the 'big girl'? In most movies, she's never the one to get the guy, never the one to get the true happy ending. And this was me--no happy endings, no perfect boyfriends, just sarcastic cracks at everyone that I am secrety jealous of. And believe me, this is not an ideal way to live. You make fun of all the girls walking through the mall with perfect bodies and golden tans and Abercrombie tank tops and all you want is to trade places with her for just a little while. So I became one of them. I lost the weight, bought a new wardrobe, got tan in the summer, highlights in my hair. I cared what I looked like--I made sure my outfit was nice, my makeup looked right, that I didn't look FAT. And you know what? It wasn't any better. Sure I got hit on more in bars, and sometimes I'll get whistled at walking down the street. And it's kind of flattering.... But through all this change in appearance, something changed inside me too. I had everything that I had wanted when I was a teenager--a good body, a cool wardrobe, tans in the summer and a great boyfriend. But something was different. I was more mature. But I still had the same insecurities. Take the last post as an example--even after all this self-realization and change, I still get stressed out when an old friend calls and asks me to go out. I still get worked up into a frenzy because I don't feel like going out and getting wasted and doing the same old crap that I did in high school. I'm inscure that this old friend will yell at me, or tell me I'm a loser, and this is rediculous, because what do I care? I see her two, maybe 3 times a year. And her opinion of me really shouldn't matter this much. As my Mom told me this morning, I don't have to go and make up excuses if I don't want to go out, it shoudln't matter. If I don't want to go, I don't want to go. Yet every night, I end up in the same argument with myself.
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732,095 |
female
| 23 |
indUnk
|
Pisces
|
02,July,2004
|
It's close to one month of unemployment for me. And no, I'm not some drain on society sucking away at the government's unemployment program. I don't think it's available to me anyway. Being unemployed isn't that bad--as long as you find a way to keep yourself busy. It wasn't hard at first. I came home to spend time with my family, and I was constantly kept busy that week. Then I went back to my apartment and began the search for a new apartment, started looking into the painful task of moving out of the current apartment, and working hard on my tan. I went to a few concerts, an amusement park, out to a couple bars. I was content. But now... now the reality of unemployment will set in, if only for a few days. I'm currently living at my parent's house. I'm still young enough and poor enough to be able to consider this house my 'home'. I'm told by my older siblings that there comes a point in time when you're established enough to be able to call some other town, state, country, whatever, your 'home'. I haven't gotten there yet. And at this rate, God only knows if I ever will. Living here isn't so bad--provided that I don't wear out my welcome (which would take a lot.) The only problem is, this town is just stinking of my old life--the person I used to be. And even why I try to be the new me here--the confident, normal, happy me--something always brings me back. I was doing fine. I figured that since none of the people I knew in high school were around, it didn't really matter if I went out or stayed home. It didn't matter if I went to the library instead of the hip bar. I rode my bike around, I went to the beach, I went shopping with my mom. It was great. I relaxed, hell, it really felt like I was on vacation. Then tonight happened. It's a Friday, on a holiday weekend, and I guess you're 'expected' to go out. But in all honesty, I just didn't have it in me. So I didn't even bother calling around to see if anyone was here or even remotely close to the area. Until 10pm, when the call came to me.... One of the old friends--friends of a different time, a different era--called me up and asked me to go to a bar. Now, for the normal person, this would be a no brainer, yes if you want to go, no if you don't. Simple as that. But for me, nothing is simple like that. Truth be told, I don't want to go. This particular friend has something of a reputation for being a terrific flirt, and if one ends up going out with her alone, chances are you'll be left fending for yourself after a while. And tonight, I really wasn't in the mood to fend for myself--especially amongst a crowd of old high school buddies that I haven't talked to in at least a year, likely more than that. I just couldn't bear to do the 'catching up' conversation over and over again. I just wasn't in the mood. So I get tongue-tied on the phone, make up some lame excuses about being tired, not in the mood, blah blah blah. She probably bought it. Problem solved, right? Well, not necessarily.... I end up spending half the night feeling like such a damn loser because I don't want to go out. Even though there's no rational reason for me to feel that way. I start wishing that I was back upstate in my apartment with the boys, getting high and watching the Family Guy or playing a game of darts. I start hating being back here. It's so strange for me too, because I used to LOVE this town. I loved all my friends, the nightlife, the parties, everything. Then something happened, I guess I changed, and nothing and nobody else did. Because they're all still best friends, and still love this place, and I'm the one on the outside. I try to tell myself that I'm the strong one in this situation--that I'm the one who is taking chances and moving on and growing up, instead of staying close by my home town and keeping all my high school friends and doing the same shit I did five years ago. But most of the time I can't tell whether that's just me trying to make myself feel better or the truth. It's this constant struggle when I'm here. So my 'vacations' end up being a big stressful event where I work myself into a tizzy wondering why I distanced myself from all these people instead of staying the same. But change is something you can't stop.
|
4,241,087 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Libra
|
20,August,2004
|
hurricanemande: if I were a fruit... what kind of fruit would I be? lightjedi2002: you're an orange hurricanemande: lol why?? lightjedi2002: I picked orange because you're sweet, but you have a kinda flare to you, a vitality so you couldn't be bland I could go for a chocolate malt milk shake from Krause's. And now for one of my famous 'stupid' jokes... (drum roll, please!) Q: What does a dyslexic cow say? A: OOM! Ah, that's a good one! Makes me laugh anyways...
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4,241,087 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Libra
|
18,August,2004
|
Today was just a typical day until David and John showed up at my house. I was still in my pj's... I was not pleased about being in my pj's but still it's great to hang out with them. We all just talked in the living room and then I took them for a ride in my car. David said I could come and hang out in Latrobe anytime. They're both really great guys and I'm sure they'd agree! LOL. I'm catering for some retreat groups at the camp this weekend. I'm not in charge of cooking yet, just set up and clean up. My parents are hoping that I'll eventually take over the job of cooking for retreats though. If the thing with the bank works out I don't know how I could possibly do the catering. Speaking of which, I didn't get to go put in an application thanks to Ellen. She was the one who was supposed to watch the boys today. Instead, I was stuck here without a car because my mom decided to use MY car to take Ellen to her friend's house. It's offensive, really. No consideration for what I had planned to do. I have come to the conclusion that the reason these blog things are so popular is because people can just sit at their computers all day talk all about themselves or complain. I think I'm going to force myself to say 1) Something good about someone who isn't me, 2) Something good that has happened that day, or 3) Something that makes someone else smile. I just hate sounding so self-centered, but I guess it can be expected when you're writing something about your own life. I'm sick of over analyzing every situation. I think Ellen may have stolen some money from me.
|
4,241,087 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Libra
|
18,August,2004
|
Josh just sent me this awesome site! You have GOT to check it out! urlLink http://www.chriswetherell.com/hobbit/ It's a Hobbit name generator! My Hobbit name is Tigerlily Sackville.
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4,241,087 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Libra
|
18,August,2004
|
Yesterday was a good day. I woke up and got myself together then headed down to the DMV to get my photocard license. The whole situation is actually somewhat sad considering I've had a little paper that says I have my license since January. It only took seven months... Now that is procrastination. I also got my thank you letters written up for my trip to Mexico. Around 4:00 Ellen and I picked up her friend Sarah and we all headed out to Westmoreland mall, where I met up with Tyler. It was nice to see him. I worry though, because sometimes when I'm with him or talking to him, I can't think of a single thing to say. I personally think words are over rated and that it's more important to just be content in someone's presence. I guess I just worry about what he thinks about our relationship. I don't think he realizes how important his is to me. I probably should just ask him what he thinks. This whole thing is hard for me. I'm afraid to get attached because it means I might actually need someone else. I've always done things my own way and on my terms. What if I can't do it on my own? I'm so, so afraid of getting hurt again. No one wants to be used... Not that I think Tyler's motives are the wrong ones or that he doesn't mean all the things he says to me. I believe him, and that scares me most of all. I really do try to keep my chin up and look for the good in everything, but sometimes the world makes it hard to believe in good. Anyways, Tyler and I went to see the Manchurian Candidate last night while Ellen and Sarah walked around the mall. I'm not sure exactly what I thought about that movie. The plot was somewhat twisted and a few of the scenes really bothered me. I'd have to see it again to decide whether I liked it or not. My sister sent a text message to Tyler's phone in the middle of the movie that read, 'Stop making out.' She's a punk. LOL. Well today I'm stuck here babysitting Nacci and his friend Nolan. The madre took my car under the guise of wanting to save money on gas. I'm not sure I believe that. Later on today I think I'm going to go apply for a job at the bank. Very random, I know.
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4,241,087 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Libra
|
18,August,2004
|
I have to make an amendment to my earlier post... I wouldn't trade Tyler for anything. He made my awful day a million times better. I love him!
|
4,241,087 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Libra
|
17,August,2004
|
I hate this place. I would give up everything tiny thing I've gained here just to go back to the way it was. I would give up everything just to be back home. Even though everyone there knows my biggest mistakes from the rumors they heard in the halls of my high school. I would give up the car, the new furniture that my parents bought, UPJ, all the guys who think I'm something. There isn't a single thing I wouldn't give up to be back in Washington. Here I have everything that isn't important and nothing that is. Sure I have possessions now and a reputation that I would have died for before. It's nothing. It's nothing compared to being alone. Sure, I have my family and a few people I've met along the way, but they aren't to be trusted with my deepest and most precious thoughts. No, they'd just hurt me and have hurt me. It's probably my fault anyways... And the lack of privacy is becoming a big problem. 'Home, is this a quiet place where you should be alone? Is this where the tortured and the troubled find their own? I don't know, but I can tell this isn't you, your cover's blown But oh no, don't you dare hang up this phone Hey! Give me space so I can breathe Give me space so I can sleep Give me space so you can drown in this with me' -Something Corporate
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4,241,087 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Libra
|
17,August,2004
|
Today I was still trapped in my room cleaning. Everything was going smooth with the cleaning until I decided that I was going to put pictures of my mission trips to Mexico and Taiwan up on my bulletin board, behind my bed. While doing this I dropped one of my pictures and it went under my bed. So I did the only logical thing... I reached under the bed to get it. I'm still not sure how it happened but somehow I managed to mangle my finger on one of the metal bars that's under there. Now, we're not talking about just a little scratch. This thing was gushing! I couldn't get it to stop bleeding! Finally after about 25 minutes it stopped. The whole experience made me ill and my finger STILL hurts! On the bright side, my room is finally starting to come together. I can actually see the floor again! I finally got to talk to Tyler last night. It was so nice just to here his voice! Hopefully we'll get to hang out on Thursday. It's been awhile since we've had the chance to do so, and it'll play right into my diabolical scheme. Ok, it isn't really diabolical, but it is a surprise. I'm so excited about it! I can't wait to see his reaction. But shhhhhh... LOL!
|
4,241,087 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Libra
|
16,August,2004
|
Well... Good news in my little world. I am officially a college student as of Friday. Basically I was having that whole freak out episode yesterday for no apparent reason. Oh well, at least now I know I'm actually attending school this year. LOL. I still have to go in and talk to some guy about classes. In other news I finally got around to cleaning the interior of my car today. It was pretty gross... I don't even want to know what some of the spots are from. I also took it to Walmart and got some floor mats for it. Nothing too terribly exciting going on today. I did however receive an obscene postcard from Toddley that he sent from France. Apparently the kid had a run in with a barbed wire fence while he was there... All I can think is OUCH! Well I'm glad he's back and can't wait to see him! I gave Tyler a call... It feels like we haven't spoken in forever! I miss him... I have decided that: Maroon 5 rocks my world. I am completely addicted to their latest release, She Will Be Loved. That song makes me happy and sad all at the same time if that makes any sense. In fact, I like it so much that I have been listening to it on repeat the entire time I have been writing this. I still have more to clean though... Like I haven't done enough of that today! So I'm off... Tune in next time for some more completely random moments and another glimpse into my psyche. Whoa... Scary.
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4,241,087 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Libra
|
15,August,2004
|
Well it looks like tonight is another one of those sleepless nights. I just have too much on my mind! I'm still waiting for that fateful letter from UPJ that tells me whether or not I'm actually going to school there this semester. I mean nothing to serious... Just my FUTURE here! And now I have this car to pay for which means I need a decent job. On top of this I still have two little girls I'm supposed to be mentoring to but haven't had the time to see yet. Not to mention this guy who just kinda appeared in my life. He's something I want to make time for... HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KEEP UP WITH ALL THIS?! I'm just so overwhelmed! Breathe in, breath out... Everything is going to be alright in the end. Bring it on world. Now, on a completely random whim, my philosophy on love. To be honest I've been giving this 'love' stuff a lot of thought lately and I have come to the conclusion that love is not only a feeling... Love is a choice. You don't wake up every morning and feel that you love someone. Feelings change. You wake up every morning and choose to love someone. Even if they make you angry or stress you out, you choose to love them. Choose to love...
|
4,241,087 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Libra
|
15,August,2004
|
Well this week has been incredibly uneventful with the exception of driving to New York to get my car! Let me tell you, it was quite a shock when my father decided to buy me this car on eBay. I mean, who does that?! But he did... And it all turned out well! It's a cute little red Subaru Forrester. It'll be awesome to drive around. Other than that I was forced to spend my time with my relatives and sister. It's alright though 'cause she says some things and you just want to say, 'Ellen, what are you talking about?' For example... My uncle was looking into purchasing a go cart online and she asks me, 'Didn't we have one of those... But it didn't work so we used to ride it down the hill? I don't know it might have been a dream' I answered, 'No, Ellen, we never had one of those.' So she says, 'Oh yeah, I guess that was a dream... We did break our necks in it.' It was one of those moments when all I wanted to do was slap myself in the forehead. She keeps me laughing... Today is Sunday. This means that Tyler should be coming home. Joy of all joys... Maybe he'll call me!
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3,993,475 |
female
| 25 |
Transportation
|
Pisces
|
28,July,2004
|
Well it's been a few days... My boyfriend's been home and I don't quite care to share this blogger with him yet... Well today has been a pretty shitty day. The baby has been making me sick since 5:30 this morning. It's continuous. So this will be a short entry. I feel so tired and I feel sick and I just wish this pregnancy would just hurry up and be over with. It still doesn't feel real. How messed up is that? I'm almost 6 months pregnant, I feel the baby moving all the time and it still doesn't feel real to me. I guess it won't until I go through the labor and actually hold my baby in my arms. Anyway, I just wanted to drop a line... I have to go lay down again... Until we meet again.
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3,993,475 |
female
| 25 |
Transportation
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Pisces
|
23,July,2004
|
Just thought I would get this out of the way and post a couple of pics...
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3,993,475 |
female
| 25 |
Transportation
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Pisces
|
22,July,2004
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urlLink This is a little more recent... urlLink
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3,993,475 |
female
| 25 |
Transportation
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Pisces
|
22,July,2004
|
urlLink Here's an old pic of me... but one of my favorites urlLink
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3,993,475 |
female
| 25 |
Transportation
|
Pisces
|
22,July,2004
|
Well, things are kind of blah today... But I do have a rant to go off on. Drivers... I hate other people's driving. Like people who feel the need to get into the passing lane doing the speed limit and not passing anyone. Now it's different when there is an exit on the left side, obviously because people are going to need to get off... But the passing lane (also known as the 'fast' lane) is for passing. Don't go into the fast lane when you aren't passing anyone if you are one of these people who go the spped limit. Now I am not saying the fast lane is for going 110 mph or anything... but a lot of drivers go a few miles over the speed limit (at least around here). So move out of the way... Also I hate people who stay in the fast lane until the last second when they know for 4 miles ahead of time that the left two lanes are ending... I never let them over... They piss me off... Get over early and you'll prevent a huge back up. If everyone started getting over early, then traffic would keep moving. Know what I mean? But I'm going to end this quickly today... I might write aomething else later if I think of it... or not... who knows? Until we meet again.
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3,993,475 |
female
| 25 |
Transportation
|
Pisces
|
22,July,2004
|
If your significant other threatened to leave you every time you had a fight, does that mean they actually want out of the relationship?
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3,993,475 |
female
| 25 |
Transportation
|
Pisces
|
21,July,2004
|
Well, if I had been able to get here earlier, you would've definitely seen a side of me that most people don't see... But some of my anger has cooled so the post won't be nearly as interesting, I'm afraid... Anyway, my boyfriend and I got into a fight today about smoking. Yes, I know smoking is bad, for me AND the baby... but unless you've had an addiction, you REALLY don't understand how hard it is to quit. And that is something my boyfriend doesn't understand... I mean, I AM trying... I did really good for the first month, I didn't smoke any at all. Then my cousin's mom died and I started bumming a few off people. I mean I only smoke about one or two a week... which I think is pretty good... I mean even my OB/GYN told me 'Although we would like you to quit, we only ask that you cut down.' One or two a week is NOT bad. However, my boyfriend is being COMPLETELY unreasonable about this. He asked me today and I told him the truth (which is better than lying, right?) He blew a lid... 'If anything is wrong with this baby because of your smoking, we're through!' (Keep in mind we JUST moved in to a new apartment together the beginning of the month and this is the second time he's threatened to kick me out, because he feels he has leverage on me since the apartment is solely in his name and I couldn't get approved for an apartment if my life depended on it). Of course, I replied to him 'What about the first month when I didn't realize I was pregnant and smoked the entire time?' He just repeated what he said. So I told him 'Fine, if that's how you want it.' (He doesn't realize I DO have a place to go, if I need too... but my best friends house is a little crowded as it is and I would prefer not too.) My whole thing is this: It is hard to quit an addiction... I try everyday... Sometimes I fail... I mean I'm pregnant, my hormones are going crazy... Sometimes I just want an effing cigarette, ya know. Of course, I've told him it would help if he supported me instead of criticized me... Said, 'I know it's hard, honey... you'll fight it better next time' instead of 'Goddammit, you had a cigarette?? I want you out of the house!' Geez, like THAT'S not going to make me want a cigarette even more, right? It's just, he doesn't understand... neither about the addiction NOR about being pregnant... He doesn't sympathize with me, just says I am 'trying to milk it for all it's worth.' Is it my fault I am tired almost 24/7 ? He's the one who never wanted to use a condom because he thought he was sterile... Well guess what, buddy?? You're not! I am soooo tired... all this ranting has worn me out... G'night... Until we meet again.
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3,993,475 |
female
| 25 |
Transportation
|
Pisces
|
21,July,2004
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This is obviously the first post of my blog. I don't lead a very interesting life but often feel like writing my thoughts down. And trust me, sometimes my thoughts are pretty out-of-the-ordinary. I am currently about 5 1/2 months pregnant. I'm having a boy and although the name I have chosen is not a usual name, Braden, it isn't something from outer space, as my father puts it. It is actually Old English, but that doesn't matter. When you have a common name, where even your best friend has the same name, you tend to go a little different for your kids... at least, that's my belief. I grew up with someone with the same first and last name as me... imagine how annoying it is to have to use your middle initial on everything you do for school... My mother's husband adopted me when I was 16 and now I have a cousin with the same first and last name as me... So I have started going by a shortened version of my middle name... which my family refuses to use. But they criticize the name I chose for my son... it kind of pisses me off... I mean who are they to say that the name I chose for my son is odd... or from 'outer space'... They didn't have to go through their entire life using their middle initial on everything... When people sign things, like their checks or on their licenses, they often sign first name, middle initial, last name... I got sick of it and changed my signature to first initial, middle name, last name... That's how bad it has gotten with my name... *sigh* I suppose I should get over it... I am 25 now, not still 10... but it still irks me... Anyway.. enough ramble for that... I now feel my son kicking me and moving around a LOT... It pleases me, because I take it as a sign that he will be very active (something I am not)... although I do hope he takes an interest in books as well to make him more well rounded... I guess I am getting ahead of myself... I am really excited about having this baby, although I am also petrified... I am glad I have my mother to talk to, although I wish my grandma (who passed away Christmas morning 2001) were still around to see this... She and I were very close. Wow, I seemed to have 'talked your ear off' here... So I will leave it at this for now... Until we meet again.
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3,730,867 |
female
| 24 |
Accounting
|
Pisces
|
30,June,2004
|
I am so excited to have a new car. Though It's a little overwhelming. This morning Matt and I met with the man with the stuff and I now own a brand new car! It is absolutely wonderful. My car is a lovely green Ion 3. I know that sounds kinda odd, a green car, but truly it is a good color...not too flashy. I won't actually have possesion of the car until 5pm this evening when I get out of work. Only 39 minutes to go. I also had the opportunity to visit with my Grandmother today and see how she is doing. I had to go see her to get my GM discount code for the car and she graciously did everything I needed her to do. I should be a better granddaughter and visit more often . I am sure she gets so lonely there all by herself and get this...she has never learned to drive so she cannot go anywhere without someone driving her. Can you imagine? I cannot believe how fast this non exsistant summer is going! Tomorrow is July 1st. Next thing you know it will be September and time to get back into the hectic life of Work, School and life. I am so looking forward to that@! 'What will happen to a face in the crowd when it finally gets too crowded. And will happen to the origins of sound after all the sounds have sounded'
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3,730,867 |
female
| 24 |
Accounting
|
Pisces
|
29,June,2004
|
I am now driving a Saturn Ion. Not officailly yet but they let me take for the night to make sure I want that car. It is so much fun, no more shifting!! It is such a nice day out, I don't want to be here at work. Wishing for a nice beach to appear outside and for me to magically be clad in a swimsuit and ready for sunbathing. Damn, it's not working. Well at least I can sit and enjoy the sun for some of the evening when I attend the Lugnuts game just to be in the company of Matt. He is so busy with work and the Lugnuts that I barely get to see him. I cannot wait for this long 4th of July weekend ahead. I am very burnt out at work. I just don't want to be here. And thankfully Matt and I have a week long vacation planned in a little over a week. We are going to visit his parents in Missouri, whom I adore. Caitlyn is coming along too and it will be her first plane ride so she is exstatic. 'Dance with me, because if you've got the poison, I've got the remedy'
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3,730,867 |
female
| 24 |
Accounting
|
Pisces
|
28,June,2004
|
Melissa I blame you for this! This is offically my first blog. I have enjoyed reading Melissa's, so I thought why not jump on the bandwagon. Just returned from a fun and sun filled long weekend in Traverse City. It was a nice little escape from reality. Our friends Brian and Betsy had a joint bachelor/bachelorette party up in TC and we had a blast. Nothing like getting loopy on the cosmos and riding around in a taxi van with crazy cats in a town you know nothing about. Today is the day that I will become poor again. I am buying a much needed new car. My car choice...a Satun Ion. A cute little car that I can actually afford. But this means I must give up my tiny shopping habit, not sure if I can do it so wish me luck. Oh good news has come my way, thanks to the knowledge of my girl Amy...Jason Mraz is coming to town!! If your reading this and asking yourself who is Jason Mraz, your crazy for not knowing but i will forgive you. In short he an amazing singer/songwriter and he is coming to MSU on 8/28! 'It's when you cry just a little but you laugh in the middle that you've made it'
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3,730,867 |
female
| 24 |
Accounting
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Pisces
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29,July,2004
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Why did I take my bra off in the tanner? Ouch! At what point will I get enough sleep as to not wake up so very tired? Coffee...good or bad/awake-good, jittery-bad? When will I have time to do what I want to do? Why does saddness come and go for no reason? Is there ever a point where we don't want something more than we have? 'She will be loved'. Song by Maroon 5, very cool. Will Caitlyn survive the mess that is her/my life? Today feels like Friday. Why did cancer choose my dad? Will it choose me? Matt? Caitlyn? Round brushing the back of your hair is hard! Music is needed, good songs bring me to tears. Why do people hurt eachother? What do my dreams mean? My world is so small. I need motivation.
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3,730,867 |
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28,July,2004
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urlLink Tickets go on sale Friday for the MSU show at The Wharton Center! urlLink
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3,730,867 |
female
| 24 |
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Pisces
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27,July,2004
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urlLink Rock and Roll! urlLink
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3,730,867 |
female
| 24 |
Accounting
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Pisces
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26,July,2004
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urlLink Three's Company; Me, Erica and Amy urlLink
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3,730,867 |
female
| 24 |
Accounting
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Pisces
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26,July,2004
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urlLink Lucky Man... I don't think Mike minds being in the middle here. urlLink
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3,730,867 |
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| 24 |
Accounting
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Pisces
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26,July,2004
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urlLink The Gang. From left to right starting at top...Erica, Me, Julie, Val and Amy urlLink
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3,730,867 |
female
| 24 |
Accounting
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Pisces
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26,July,2004
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I'm glad that it is almost quiting time here at work. Just can't take the madness anymore. I finally figured out how to put my pic on my profile but not too happy with it. It's way too small and fuzzy. Anyone know how to make it bigger? Bigger is always better. My dress dilema has been solved, some magician at Lett's bridal is going to alter it by Thursday afternoon. No more liquid diet! Last night Matt and I went to Trippers and watched and amateur comedy show. Matt had to be a judge and I had to be the tag along groupie. It was as bad I thought it would be, there were some funny cats there. The winner will go on to the next round and compete for a chance to be on some show on Comedy Central. My friend Amy just emailed me 31 pictures that were taken the night of her b-day party. I will post some they are silly!!
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3,730,867 |
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| 24 |
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Pisces
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26,July,2004
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urlLink This is how I feel today. Thought I would share my mood with all who care. urlLink
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3,730,867 |
female
| 24 |
Accounting
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Pisces
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22,July,2004
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Major dilemma!! I am in a wedding on Saturday and I thought to myself yesterday, 'I better try on my dress again to make sure it fits' and guess what?...It doesn't! I must have acquired some weight in the last monthor two and now the top will not zip up at all! Crap, it's a bousteae' (sp) type of top that can not be let out because of all of the ribbing! So today I am starting a five day liquid diet, only coffee and water for 5 days. So if you see me and I am cranky, you now know why. Any other suggestions for losing a quick 5lbs in the next week would be greatly appreciated. I suppose I must exercise too, guess I will have to dust off those Windsor pilates DVD's and do them double time and maybe take my doggy for a couple of runs. Weekends suck...when they're over. Seems like Friday, Saturday and sunday last for 10 hours combined and then poof Monday is here again. We did get one thing accomplished, Matt mowed down our jungle in the back yard on Saturday. You should have seen him, clad in long pants, long sleeve shirt and gloves; he's deathly afraid of getting poison ivy, it was very funny to watch him. Since I have wasted a good hour of my monday morning, I suppose I must start some actual work here a my job. Hope all who read have a fantastic Monday, as I am sure I will! 'If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you even tried'
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3,730,867 |
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| 24 |
Accounting
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Pisces
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22,July,2004
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Yesterday was Amy's birthday and we celebrated a little too hard. Let's just say my head is pounding this morning! I cannot concentrate on work at all. I think we took appox 50 pictures last night, we seem to be camera crazy when we get together and include our buddy alcohol. I will post some pics when she emails them to me, then you can see how silly we are. Finally the weather is as it should be for summer. In the 90's and sunny, now I wish I had a pool to lounge at. Too bad our back yard is a jungle and it wouldn't be possible to place a pool amoungst the crazy things growing back there. One day Matt and I are going to tackle the insane overgrowth and make it look all nice and neat but we have to work up the courage to make an attempt first. If you've seen it you know what I am talking about. Saw Julia on Monday. It's been awhile...too long. The last time we hung out was in May for Brooke and Kara's graduation party/campout. That was the night Joe told me scary stories about the woods so I couldn't go to sleep in my tent alone. It was his fault that I made him and Julia sleep with me in my tent. But I got the idea that he didn't mind when he proclaimed, 'I'M IN THE MIDDLE!!'. Since I am not in the mood to work today I've been tooling around on the internet and I found out some interesting new info about NIN. Trent is still in the midst of production for the new album Bleedthrough . He said it is set to be released in early 2005 and they will be touring heavily to support the album! You know me I'm going to hit every show in MI. The new website is really great (nin.com). The content is very simple and direct, no flashy graphics or secret ways to get info like the old one. It's just a white page with typewriter type font on it. And there is a place where you can ask Trent questions and he answers them, that's where I got the info from above. Another interesting fact; Dave Grohl (foo fighters) is playing the drums for the entire album, he is a genius at drums so that should be good. I also found the following helpful information on hangovers, since I am suffering from one at this very moment, enjoy: Most experts think that a hangover is a mild form of alcohol withdrawal, which distresses the body, leads to dehydration and makes you feel awful. Below is a list of foolproof tips to help ease you through that painful morning after: Drink lots of H2O. Alcohol is a diuretic; it dehydrates our cells, causing us to feel tired, headachy and generally out of sorts. Get plenty of salt and potassium. Heavy drinking purges the body of these two important electrolytes, which together help transport and distribute nutrients and water throughout your body. To restock your body with these two essentials, try a sports drink, or eat a potassium-rich kiwi or banana. Fill up on fruit juice. Fruit sugar (fructose) is quickly absorbed into the bloodstream, so any kind of juice will give your energy level a big boost-- fast. In addition, some studies have shown fructose to play a part in speeding up the rate at which the body eliminates toxins -- including those from alcohol. Orange and tomato juices are good bets. Don't forget your B and C vitamins. Supplies of these two are severely depleted when you drink -- thanks again to alcohol's diuretic effect -- so when you're consuming alcohol, your system needs these vitamins more than ever. There's no time like the morning after a big night out to load up on supplements. Better yet, get your dose naturally in a glass of fresh-squeezed fruit juice. Caffeinate or pop a painkiller. Alcohol causes blood vessels to swell, which can also lead to serious head throbbing. Caffeine counteracts that, but since it's also a diuretic, limit yourself to just one cup of coffee. If that doesn't work, use ibuprofen, but skip aspirin -- it could help heal your pounding head, but this over-the-counter drug is known for wreaking havoc on a tender tummy. 'I beg you to pay attention to coincidences. People who appear in your life for the simplest of reasons usually offer us the best clues on what to do with our lives. Those connections make up the music of today, remind us of our youth, and keep us believing that the truth is out there and that happiness may be just around the next corner of the roller rink.'
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19,July,2004
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and the cancer has not spread to any other part of my dad's body! So hopefully we can get the ball rolling on this surgery and radiation to kill this bitch that is cancer! Thanks for all the thoughtful emails!! I love you all!
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3,730,867 |
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| 24 |
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Pisces
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09,July,2004
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urlLink Pictures from caitlyn's photo shoot follow: urlLink
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3,730,867 |
female
| 24 |
Accounting
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Pisces
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09,July,2004
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urlLink caitlyn urlLink
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3,730,867 |
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| 24 |
Accounting
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Pisces
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09,July,2004
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urlLink caitlyn urlLink
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3,730,867 |
female
| 24 |
Accounting
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Pisces
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09,July,2004
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urlLink Caitlyn urlLink
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3,730,867 |
female
| 24 |
Accounting
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Pisces
|
09,July,2004
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urlLink Caitlyn Mackenzie
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3,730,867 |
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| 24 |
Accounting
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Pisces
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09,July,2004
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Vacation is over and I am not happy about it. But who would be. Matt and I had a blast in Missouri with his parents. I enjoyed many days of lounging by the pool, much to my content! We lazied around their beautiful house most of the days and relaxed on the porch by the pond to fill our evenings. Much alcohol was involved on a few nights and funny stories were told about Matt's childhood. Fun fun time. Jim (matt's dad) also took some awesome pics of Caitlyn while we were there. He is a professional photographer and a good one at that. I will post some of the pictures here soon. On a much sadder note...Friday before we left we found out some very unfortunate news. My dad will no longer be going to Irac (which is good) because he has been diagnosed with Cancer (which is bad!). We found out that he has prostate cancer and has had it for at least a year. He will be going through surgery here shortly, he will have to have radiation to follow-up and then will have to be on hormone therepy for 4 years after that. We are all praying that these things will work to kill the cancer and I can have my healthy dad back. As for the present he has had a bone scan/cat scan to make sure the cancer hasn't spread. The doc said the he has an 'aggressive' case and it is highly possible that it has spread. We should find out the results to that today and I will post the news shortly after I do find out. I know all who read this will keep my dad in your prayers and/or thoughts and I thank you for that! 'I tried to find the logic logically. I had a dream and I could not shake it. There's fear in the truth at hand, frozen I forgot to understand'
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3,730,867 |
female
| 24 |
Accounting
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Pisces
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09,July,2004
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Work is so unnecessary sometimes...at least in my mind. I really don't want to be here doing my daily tasks that will just be redone again and again. It just seems so pointless. I would much rather be... hmmm, at the Ledges. Remember the ledges Melissa, Brooke, Kara and Julia? We should take a trip down memory lane and visit our old outdoor adventure spot soon. I would love to be climbing the ledges, discovering new caves and crossing that tressell as the train gets dangerously close! Ah to daydream about the past. At times it makes me sad that we can't go back, just for a day or two. I popped some Pink Floyd into my radio the other day, and as 'Wish you were here' blasted through my speakers, I remembered when we used to sit around a fire and sing the words (way out of tune) while Chris Kouts strummed the guitar. Those were the days. Not to say I am unhappy in the present but sometimes I just miss my naive youthfullness. Sorry about my trip down memory lane, it just hits me sometimes. I will be flying amoung the clouds tomorrow morning. We will finally be on vacation. Oh, I'm sure it will fly by and soon I will be back here at work, wishing I was somewhere else again. But for now I am going to imagine it lasting forever. I am more excited than Caitlyn for her first plane ride. I promised her a window seat so she could see the beauty that is the sky above the clouds. I wonder if she will be a dreamer like me when she grows up. Will she dream about her past with her 4 closest friends and wish to return too?
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3,730,867 |
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08,July,2004
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urlLink Here's a picture of me and my crazy girls, I'm on the far right. I just figured out how to upload pics to my blog and am having fun doing so. I can't figure out how to get a picture of me on my profile yet. It seems it only take pictures from a website and I am not on any websites so for the time being I put up a pic of Mraz. Later! urlLink
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3,730,867 |
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07,July,2004
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urlLink My beautiful baby girl is growing up so fast! This is her kindergarten spring pic...enjoy! urlLink
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3,730,867 |
female
| 24 |
Accounting
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Pisces
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07,July,2004
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Well today I must work and then go home and do more work. How fun is that? We leave for MO on Saturday so I have to do all of our laundry and that is a lot of f'ing laundry. Since we will be gone for 5 days I will have to pack at least 15 outfits for Cailtyn and I and Matt will want to pack 3 so I must clean clothes today! Yesterday I had quite a scare! My new radio in my new car would not accept any of my Jason Mraz cds, I know what your thinking...,'oh lord, how terrible, what did she do?'...well I tried other cds too and it still wouldn't play anything. At this point I am a little releaved because my radio is not just boycotting Mraz music it is boycotting all tunes. So I drove on down to the dealership and they put a brand spankin new one in that likes all of my music. So I say hasta la vista to my other radio! C-ya! Do you want more bad news? Jason Mraz is coming to MSU on Aug 28th and Matt said he could hook me up with good seats and possibly a meet and greet but nooooooo I have to go to my cousin's wedding that day! I know it's selfish of me to want to be somewhere else on a family member's special day but I'm just being honest by saying 'damnit man why can't she get married the next week.' I'll call everybody and tell them the date has been changed myself. Oh well whatcha gonna do. Good news...I am officially enroute to getting my bachelor's degree now. I have enrolled at Davenport U as of yesterday and will hopefully be done by Jan 2050. Just kidding, hopefully I only have 2-3 years left. 'And what becomes of a day for those who rage against it And who will sum op the phrase for all left standing around in it'
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3,730,867 |
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02,July,2004
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Thank god it is friday today! I am looking forward to the long weekend for sure. Matt and I plan to visit our favorite sushi bar for the last time tonight :o(. Unfortunately Shiki (aka Mirasaki) is closing it's doors for good today. So we will raise our saki glasses in salute to a fine establishment that will be no more. Not much planned for the holiday weekend ahead. Maybe some golf tomorrow. Matt and I took up the expensive sport about a month ago and I am getting a little better...I make contact with the ball now. Sunday we will probabaly BBQ with our friends Scotty & Jenn, Brian & Betsy and Billy. Should be a fun relaxing day. And then monday Matt has to work so I might work on my tan then if the weather cooperates. Hope all who read this have a safe and fun 4th of July weekend. 'Well I've seen a thousand things in one place but I stopped my counting when I saw your face'
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3,730,867 |
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| 24 |
Accounting
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Pisces
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17,August,2004
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Well after an excellent time was had on Saturday, at our friend Billy's house, we found out today that Matt had cracked his ribs because of too much fun in the dunk tank! Yup you read that right, Matt not only was in a dunk tank on Sat. but he is now in mucho pain because of it. Let this be a lesson not to mix beer and dunk tanks. Despite the injuries that came out of Sat, Billy's party was a blast. We partied for 12 hours straight. Bits of our partying included Holt firemen and their big red truck, dunk tanks, good food, good beer, good music, bocce ball, and hot tubbing. No the fireman didn't come to put out a fire, they were friends of friends who came to party. Me and my girls, Val and Amy, got to climb inside the big red truck and get our picture taken. And Amy even gave her digits to a cute young fire boy! So obviously Sunday was our day of rest, as not much happened but laziness and a bit of moaning on Matt's part...due to his sore ribs. Yesterday was another boring day at work and today is much the same. But I guess I better not take these boring, uneventful days for granted because as of next week it's back to school for Caitlyn and I. I'm absolutely stoked about that! Can't you tell? And soon I will be a full time mom again, no more joint custody with her pops. He decided to move away on us. Not necessarily a bad thing but not so good for Caitlyn either. She is really sad :o( and I am left to pick up her little broken heart. Ahh, life is so good sometimes. I just need to remember that something positive will come of all of this and that is that my beautiful baby girl and I will be so much closer in the end after all we've been through! Don't get me wrong cause I don't want to know what the truth is I believe that I'd be here with or without it All that lies around put me where I am, where I stand
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3,730,867 |
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Accounting
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Pisces
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12,August,2004
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Or is it? Had a intuitive converstation with a friend today and found out this...that the grass is indeed NOT always greener on the other side. When you are stuck in a rut and going through tough times you tend to think that everyone has it better than you. But truely, they may be just as miserable or even more than you. So what we all need to do is be optimistic and know that eventually life will play it's course and start to look up. I cannot go through life hoping and wishing i had what I don't have. I need to be happy with what I do have and work hard for the things I want. So starting today, I'm going to try to think positive. Easier said than done, believe me I know. 1st positive thought... I think that eventually Caitlyn will appreciate all I have done for her instead of feeling anger towards me for taking her away from her father. Found a silly yet thought provoking excerpt from mraz's journal entries and I thought I would share it here. Enjoy... Excerpt from: I’ve seen hell and it departs from Heathrow: I smoke. That’s obvious. It’s a hot topic, literally. So when I have time to kill at an airport, what better way to do it than to go suck down a few fags and drag the words from my head? It’s been said that a cigarette will take minutes and eventually years off of your life, depending on how you stack them up. I can’t think of a better place to apply this theory. Smoking at an airport is time traveling. This particular smoking lounge is more than that, however, I’ve crossed into another dimension, somewhere on the proverbial other side. It’s a long green corridor paralleled by green skinned aliens from all nations and distances far, far away. There is smoke billowing from every orifice of their bodies. Men, women and children and the occasional undetermined gender all share a common destination this morning in this cavern of cancer. Maybe it’s more like purgatory than hell itself, and we’re just training for the ultimate burn barn that awaits us all when our flight number is finally called. The burn could be better described in our lack of smoking on the flight than the plane actually exploding and charring our flesh along with our hopes and dreams and tearing us from our families. I imagine everyone in here dwells more on being kept from their precious smoking habit than being taken away from their travel plans, be them business or holiday. We’re all sick in here and we don’t deny it. We openly share our distaste in air and work as a unit to ruin it. We’ve come of age where don’t give a shit for public places as it shows on our grim faces and grows like shoelaces from the tips of our nicotine sticks. We walked miles to get here and here we are, rising stars from the new generation, not celebrities, but heated balls of gas far too dense to see the light and not yet solid enough to stand on. We are no longer a shocked culture when we arrive at wherever we are. We only want to get closer to the love in our minds that confines us to love only ourselves, and that love is bare and carefree and couldn’t care less about the color of our skin, external or within, we are scars of bars and smoking in cars and anywhere there are too few open windows. We shun the weight of purity, this being light and the equivalent of oxygen, be it in an air conditioner. We are well wishers for a kitchen sink or anyplace we can think of to dispose of the ash that we have created. We are artists of the lowest kind, though our thoughts about what we do supersedes all others by comparison thanks to abbreviation. We abbreviate time mostly. And we think less of our crimes assuming they are nothing of the kind. We are smart to our philosophies but not to our hearts and tendencies for evolution. We are self-pollution and probably the worst thing that has ever happened to each other. If humanity knew what it was getting itself into we would’ve added nicotine to marijuana ages ago and this morning at Heathrow would be a livelier place for many a dull face and pacemaker on the run and the millions to come through this god awful room. We are the still image of BOOM! Exploding in slow motion. We are the emotion of non-emotion. We are the collective catastrophe. We are green with envy at those who chose to stay from this prose we play over and over again, wondering how we got here, realizing it, and then wondering why we came in. We are important in and of ourselves and we don’t understand anything remotely close to what we think we do. We’ve short-circuited our frontal lobes and reptilian pros and cons and any means of rationalizing clearly. We are leftovers from the day we died, that first day we tried smoking in the first place. Some of us were teenagers and some probably in the womb, without ever a chance to decide what to do or not to do with our beautiful lives. We were never healthy to begin with if we happened upon this. It was foolish to ever consider it. Now look where it’s gotten us, hurrying though life to see what’s on the other side and take pride in our uselessness and repent for our sins and begin our natural life in the society designed for our needs and supply. We try to build hell right here on earth for what it’s worth and suck on as much that sucks as we can muster. We are the cluster of misters and misses of misery and I, like the others, am not afraid of taking everybody with me so that someday I can be the one who’s free to claim that this is clarity and we, those few millions who choke on the smoke screen, are king and queen. The benefits and the revenge will be sweet, and we’ll change the rules on this school of where and when to participate in our sorry deeds. Our seats will be on the planes and trains and only those who smoke will complain that others don’t. This isn’t a joke. Folks are thinking about this, and those who didn’t will be pissed that they weren’t born again and they’ll miss their chance at being on the list to the biggest party called bliss. We will die first and know before all others what it’s like to ride in the hearse and experience the curse of hell. I can tell already that it’s not such a bad place except that it has a taste that leaves your mouth dry, comparable to an ashtray. Luckily on the long flight they’ll give us the travel toothbrush to be as fresh as possible upon arrival…
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3,730,867 |
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11,August,2004
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urlLink Yummy!! urlLink
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3,730,867 |
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| 24 |
Accounting
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Pisces
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11,August,2004
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I have posted a link to the new Jason Mraz cd/dvd player. You can get a sneak peek at the songs that will be on the cd/dvd that's dropping on Aug 25. Rain sucks! Yeah, yeah it's good for the trees, grass and flowers but not me. It makes me a sneezy crabby girl! In fact I will count the total amount of times i sneeze today and report it back here tomorrow. You will be amazed that someone can still function after using so much energy to SNEEZE! As of right now, I have sneezed 36 times since 7:41 am and it's only 9:34 am. I know, you can't believe it, but please do, I am not a liar. I tried to post this funny picture of me that my friend Nichole sent, but it's not happening. I'll try to give you a visual until I figure out how to post it. It's a picture of me back in 1993. I am attempting to pose like a model with my hand placed behind my head and my little itty bitty oh so nice tiny hips that I had way back when shifted to the side. My hair is awful, short and dorky looking. I am wearing a white T with Tweety bird boxer shorts, awesome outfit huh? It's really funny, wish you all could see it and laugh with me, I mean at me! It's so la la la lovely!! Rain rain go away....
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09,August,2004
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It's so nice to be up in every one's beazzness! I love that all my friends are starting blogs so I can nose my way into their life. Welcome Jen! What a weekend! Much fun was had. Friday Matt and I gorged on some greasy Mexican food at El Azteco, yummy! Saturday was an eventful day of golf with Matt, Paul, Aaron and Amy. We had fun even though the beeatch owner at Eagle View kept trying to split us up so we couldn't cause any trouble. What's the point of golf if you can't cause trouble? Afterwards we went back to our house for beer, vodka, botchy ball, more vodka, pizza and echre (all in that order) Needless to say, I eventually passed out!! Sunday after I got my lazy booty out of bed I hooked up Jennifer for bloody mary's, softball, beer and more bloody mary's (all in that order). It was awesome to catch up with Jen, had a ton of fun hanging out even though a certain Mr. spoiled it in the end. Ahh well. Now we are here on Monday, back to reality. I have not been able to surf the net and or keep in touch with many people via email today because our server keeps dying . What the hell do they expect me to do now....work?! I don't think so! Already looking foward to the upcoming weekend. We have a B-day party to attend that entails Mr. Mojo in a dunk tank. Haa, I will probably pee my pants laughing at him!!
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3,730,867 |
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05,August,2004
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I miss my best friend Amanda so much! She is such a great person and it sucks to be so far away from her. Amanda, if you're reading this, I miss you darling. Last night was movie night with the ladies and it was so much fun. We watched the movie 13 going on 30, so cute. I laughed more last night than I have in a long long time. It was needed. And just so you all know, fluffy pillows rock! Tonight is another round of 'Thirsty Thursday' at the Lug Nuttys game, seems that we are in for a sunny night of beer, baseball and fun. Can't wait. But I must not get too tipsy I have to take my dear old grandmother to the Dentist at 8am. I'm sorry but who makes an appointment to get their teeth cleaned that fricking early in the morning? The dentist is torture enough as it is but to go there so early in the morning is insane!! Ah well, I must do my good deed for the month and get my ass out of bed to take her...pat on the back for me. I'm one curly fry in the box of the regular Messing with the flavor oh the flavor that you savor Saving me for last but you better not eat me at all Living in a fast food bag making friends with the ketchup and salt People say that I'm crazy for not moving on to better things Instead I'm sitting around trash talking with the onion rings
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3,730,867 |
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04,August,2004
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urlLink My Angels! Beautiful aren't they? urlLink
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3,730,867 |
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02,August,2004
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Okay so I went a little crazy posting pictures of my rugrat but I couldn't help it. She makes me smile, and I need to smile today. I don't have much to say today, hope all aren't too disappointed. Head is pounding, life is crazy and my friends are all angels! Couldn't get through life without them, so thank you Amy, Val and Julie! Love ya guys! See ya at movie night.
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02,August,2004
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urlLink mmmm...yummy! I need one of these right now!! urlLink
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| 24 |
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02,August,2004
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urlLink In the secret garden. urlLink
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02,August,2004
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urlLink just an f****ing cute picture of her. Don't ya think? Wait is her fly down? Tee hee hee urlLink
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02,August,2004
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urlLink Picture from the children's gardens at MSU. I love butterflies!! urlLink
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02,August,2004
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urlLink This is the flower girl dress Cailtyn wore for the wedding last weekend. urlLink
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02,August,2004
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urlLink Her braid was shaped like a heart for the wedding. Ahhh, how cute :o) urlLink
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3,730,867 |
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Pisces
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02,August,2004
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So I should go right? But I am too lazy to get up and walk down the hall to the camode. I'm sure I will soon, when my bladder crys out in pain. Well here we are at Monday again. La dee fricking da! Not feeling any happier than my random thought day. Reasons I am feeling blue lately... for a very very dear friend cuz she has a broken heart. for myself cuz I don't know if my heart is where is supposed to be sometimes. for my dad cuz he is so exhausted. for my toes cuz they can no longer see out of my shoes at work. for Val cuz she has to deal with the people who are very angry about the new no toes policy. for my daughter cuz she has no idea that her dad is leaving. for my mind cuz it's filled with so much uneasyness. ____________________ But I am happy because... I have wonderful friends I have my health I have my family I have a roof over my head I have music I have love I have faith in myself Seems I have been using my blog as a venting board lately, and honestly it helps. It helps to put it out there and be able to go back and reflect on it all. I highly recommend it! We are going to visit the children's garden this afternoon after work. I cannot wait to watch Caitlyn's face. I love it when she sees beautiful things, her whole face lights up and it's as if none of the stuff I listed above matters. Your children will not be your children They are the daughters and the sons of the beginning They will come through your womb but not be coming from you They will be with you but they do not belong to you You can give them your love but not your thoughts They will arrive with their own hearts They are the coming of angels this blessed season God rests in reason
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
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Aquarius
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21,July,2004
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Please feel free to leave any comments you wish.......ANY comment
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
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Aquarius
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20,July,2004
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Wow, this truly is the best website ever. If you don't believe me.........hmmm then don't *yes yes that'll do*
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
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Aquarius
|
19,July,2004
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urlLink Neo and Agent Smith or should I say Seigel and me urlLink
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
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Aquarius
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19,July,2004
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If u ppl wanna c some formal photos, just click on the archive link. Sorry about the quality of some of the photo's but I was using an ACME dissposable camera. Plus I had to scan each one....if that isn't dedication, then I don't know what is
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
|
Aquarius
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19,July,2004
|
so.... i guess not much has changed in the last 20 mins. At the moment I'm just trying to work out how I can upload images
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
|
Aquarius
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19,July,2004
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Sup everyone, I know it looks pretty shizen at the moment but it will look better once I know how to use it.
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
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Aquarius
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19,July,2004
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If you guys have any input into my blog, tell me Well, actually, I am just trying to see if I can have a scrolling marquee :)
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
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Aquarius
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19,July,2004
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urlLink Me and katie urlLink
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
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Aquarius
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19,July,2004
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urlLink Xoli,Liam and me urlLink
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
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Aquarius
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19,July,2004
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urlLink Xoli,deb,Zimmo and Zag urlLink
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
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Aquarius
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19,July,2004
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urlLink Everyone urlLink
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
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Aquarius
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19,July,2004
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urlLink Stef and seigel urlLink
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
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Aquarius
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19,July,2004
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urlLink The guys urlLink
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
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Aquarius
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19,July,2004
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urlLink Me and katie urlLink
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
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Aquarius
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19,July,2004
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urlLink Stef with some stunning looking chick named katie urlLink
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
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Aquarius
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19,July,2004
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urlLink Squeak,Zimmo,Liam and me urlLink
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
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Aquarius
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19,July,2004
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urlLink Squeak,smith and me urlLink
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
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Aquarius
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19,July,2004
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urlLink Shelly,Katie(looking pretty gangsta), maz and joob urlLink
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
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Aquarius
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19,July,2004
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urlLink Me and Liz urlLink
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
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Aquarius
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19,July,2004
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urlLink Deb, Zagny,Katie and Xoli urlLink
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
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Aquarius
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19,July,2004
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urlLink hmmm urlLink
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
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Aquarius
|
19,July,2004
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urlLink katie, deb, zimmo, dana, squeak, and zag urlLink
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
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Aquarius
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19,July,2004
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urlLink Deb,Zag,Katie and xoli urlLink
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
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Aquarius
|
19,July,2004
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urlLink In the limo.........*gosh, guy looks happy...or does he have other plans in mind* urlLink
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
|
Aquarius
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19,July,2004
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urlLink The formal.. where it was announced that amanda smorgan was rich and talia mazor was anorexic urlLink
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
|
Aquarius
|
19,July,2004
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so.... i guess not much has changed in the last 20 mins. At the moment I'm just trying to work out how I can upload images
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3,968,786 |
male
| 17 |
Student
|
Aquarius
|
03,August,2004
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Liam, while this is a well conjugated letter, I fail to see how the re-instatment of strippers in the current government school education system will help improve the equitable distribution of income wealth in reference to a decentrelised wage fixing agreement which includes but is not limited to free enterprise agreements, and thus, the afidavids which frankel will provide clearly strengthen my stance against the illegal poaching of mexican walking fish. Although it can be argued that it will be no great mischief if mrs. Silver gets eaten by wolves, I'm sure my usage of conjugative language throughout the context of this letter will be applauded by Mrs adreadakis who I'm sure by now must be in a better place(possibly with cable tv). Futhermore, Business management isn't a real subject and thus, katie vinson bromberger should be seen as liable for litigation against neil vinsonbromberger aka lord VB BOSS of the mystery machine. I would also like to bring to your attention that you are a, and I quote 'class B digital apparatus and you also meet all requirments of the canadian interference-causing equipment regulations' On futher inspection, you also comply with part 15 of the FCC rules. Before I conclude, I would just like to get a few things of my chest. Firstly, Jason Kozicas email password is 77777777 and seigel drinks his own pee.Fragmented beams of sunlight radiated through the pine trees scattered across the mountains peak. The smell of pine trees infused the crisp mountain air with a sweet woody fragrance. The cloudless blue sky created the perfect backdrop to the emerging sun. Dew melted off the leaves of the tree branches as the sun exuded its warmth over everything that had lay pray to the coldness of the night. The ski lifts had opened, I hate flanders though only a solitary skier was skiing, carving up the undisturbed powdery snow which was fully drenched in sun light. Other skiers were awakened by chirping birds, all competing to be the loudest. The new morning’s sun I hate flanders was welcomed by skiers whose faces received relief by the suns warmth from the blistering cold chill, which plagued their exposed skin. The smell of coffee and pancakes filled the air as people had breakfast in the nearby cafés. A child had thrown a snow ball, which had broken-up mid air, creating a scattered rainbow in the suns light. The sun had turned from a bright pink to a deep yellow as it shone brightly above the mountain tops. A lone bird had flown to the top of one of the giant pine trees to bask in the suns warmth. It stretched its wings to capture the heat. Like a cape, the sun cast a shadow over the ski slopes. The fully risen sun drenched the I hate flanders mountain side in light. A sea of brightly clothed skiers weaved their way down the I hate flanders mountains side like needles stitching a pure white quilt together, weaving in and out of the shadows, created by the scattered pine trees. I hate Flanders I Flanders I hate Flanders I hate Flanders I hate Flanders I hate Flanders I hate Flanders I hate Flanders I hate Flanders I hate Flanders I hate Flanders I hate Flanders I hate Flanders I hate Flanders I hate Flanders I hate Flanders I hate Flanders I hate Flanders I hate Flanders I hate Flanders I hate Flanders I hate Flanders I hate Flanders I hate Flanders I hate Flanders I hate Flanders I hate Flanders I hate Flanders
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3,837,505 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Aries
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31,July,2004
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tODay sOME thINGS are bad but soME thiNGs ended My day well..aND i KNow the reasON why=)
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3,837,505 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Aries
|
26,July,2004
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today? IP oPEN hoUSe...coLLEction oF T shiRT paRt was Kinda Screwed up...anD it waS quITe fuN that i brought My junIORs aROuND...THEn go leadersHIp centre there finD hafIZ aqiL they all...stUPID aQIl KEep Bullying mi..wen staMp the the stAMp on my forehead..bUt it was SO Funny....hahahz...haD a Fun time there=) tHEn cleaRIng paRt waSn'T haPPy la...dUn wan elaBoraTE much...but hahaz..then went To beach roAd wiF hafiz tO checK the engraveMEnt thinGy...then went meet zhen QIang they all...haha..the day ended well...there's a reason to it of cos...anD yah i knOW the reason =)
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3,837,505 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Aries
|
26,July,2004
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i thoT i feLL for U coS u were realLi sweet but whEN i see whAT i see...No doUBt i waS kiNDa affected buT mayBE what i havE for U iS jusT hao gan ba......aiyAH dun wiSh to Think so mUCh abOUT it la...i onli can sAe that u are sUper NICe anD sweet aND u can RealLu brighten up my daY=)aha bUt as I sAy duN thinK too mUCh la... today felT reaLLi tirEd anD sleepY all day...afTEr sCH wENt to BEdoK lIB to sTUDy...roYS anD zHEN qianG at firSt waN to pEi mi one...tHAnx lOTs roYS anD zhNE qiANg..bUT i needed soME timE alONE la actUAlli..to thINk bout what i saW anD what i actUAlli feel...sMS janE to tO tell her what happen...anYWay toDay waS alRite la.... suDdenLy lOOKed into the mIRror on The bUS anD was sHOCked tO fiND mysLEf lOOking so tired , haggaRd aND deaDly...mY god...waT hapPEN man????haIZ....no matter PPL sae i lOok uglier hhahaz...tried to LooK more EnergetiC but no helP...
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3,837,505 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Aries
|
25,July,2004
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yeSt waS COuncil day...before thAt had ushEring for dialouge ...woRKing sINCe mOrning till late afternoon reaLLi tired....wEnt late for couNCil daY coS got Art shAring before that..thEn waiTEd for nURain anD lefT For sEntosa...felt So baD to maKE hAfiz waiT for us for aROUnd an hoUr plUS at harbouR front ...pOOR boy...but hE diDn't blaME us so NIce oF him=) then wenT there nOT mUCh foOD left So crap crap wiF them ...haha..quITe fun ..then NIte tiME soME wenT abCK soME stayEd...i wAs so glad tHAt haFIz anD roySton stayEd in tHE end...heeX....tHEn as USual had our wgm theN weNT to 7 -11 to eat tHEn went back..theY playEd cards whILe i felt asleep...hahaz... moRning woKE up then they played sOmemore then wenT bacK...reached hOME at ard 1 plus kenNA soME scolDings...then slept awhIle and wake up to do soME homework... hmmm...duN thINk i reaLLy lIKE gradienT....been thinking abit thEse few days...parhaps it was just that i finD him gooD lookING that's all..so jUST a crush...so funny liKE wat hafiz said..when u think back Of ur pri sch thoSe crush and everything theY were reaLLy stupiD anD funny...hahaz
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3,837,505 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Aries
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23,July,2004
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wah Crazy la...today buying chicken porridge at chicken rice stall then turn and saw him...xia dao loh...realli..haha but no strong feelings...maybe mood too bad to think bout anything le...today jane neber come sch kind of sian and empty... wallet still not found went to make report le...haiz...anyway today at least was better then yesterday...
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3,837,505 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Aries
|
22,July,2004
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these few days were realli bad....not a day since monday i wasn't upset for a moment or two...moNDay morning was spolit by the rhd announcement and some other things ...was realli quiet the whole pe lesson...ran fast to vent my fustration. tuesday got upset over some frenz thing. wed got pissed by RHD..cos it was all screwed up.thurs worst of all..never feel good at all other then when i am donating my blood...I lost my wallet or maybe it got stoLEn..i dunnoe...alot of thiNGS inside..my ic, ez link card, house gate card,keys, money , baby photo and neo prints...can u imagiNE??? the worst thinG that reaLLi upset mi anD set mi quiet the whoLE gp and maths tutorial is that i can't donate my blood wihout my identification card...wat the hell..had been looking forward to donate blood but now i can't...so upset that i decide to take a cab home and take my passport ...cos i realli dunwan to miss the chance to donate blood.thanks anDrea for accoMpanYING mi hOme to take my PassPORt=)then waS so glAd thaT i passEs the test to take Blood=)thanKS jANe anD anDrea for waITing wif mI too=)toLD mi duN faInt..bhahaz...veri toUChing to see UR own blOOD coMing to goOD use to others=) though it do hurts..and calculator boy was beside mi asking mi not to be scare so funny...hahaz...i tooK PHotos of myself my hand the process anD my blOOD... afTEr School GOt briefiNG then went to paCk food..soMEthiNg unhAppY happenEd ..hAIz DUn wan To mEntion anYTHing bout it...but anYWay THAnKS lOTS haFIZ=) u are realLI sweet and a great Fren.....thaNKS for wiPIng my tears FOr mi... anD aS fOR gradIEnt...mONDay didn'T realLI see him..tuEsDay he was sittiNG a tabLE sO near to US duRIng lUNch...then He moved to a seat directly opp mi in direction to do hiS homework...haha then i fiNAlly got to see hIS face anD hear abIT of his voice...haha nO Doubt i think he is realli gooD lookINg...thOSe that meets my criteria...haha..quITe tall...dark and big Eyes..hhahaz..theN aS usuaL they have traiNINg...thEN aiYA lazy TO tyPE le la... bUT anYWay The stars are out in full tonight, but everything might not be going right. Don't u be afraid don't u cry. cause life 's too short to wonder why so take some time and think awhile and u will see that there's many reasons to smile=) haha fiz send mi tHiS guessEd he composed Himself agaiN...haha veri NICe oF him aND thnaKS lOT to him i am SmIling noW=)
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3,837,505 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Aries
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16,July,2004
|
toDay haix...kInda saD day...i have to Quit wuShu...no teaCher force mi to qUit but i noe i have to...cOs all the TRainIngs claShes with my Sc stuffs..then nO chOICe..have to forgo trainings... but the pOInt is traiNINGs are impORtanT la,too imPT to be mISsed..cos TakING part in competitions..so nber go traiNIngs how to take part..bo bian seems thaT quItting is the oNli way but...I will alwayS go back TO wushU for diNNEr wif thwm or traiN wif theM whenever i am free..i LOVe WUSHU!!! but I LOVE SC anD HC too! so no chOice my passiON has to go thIS timE...everyONE toLD mi i can Try to Prioritize buT they jUST wuN understanD hoW tough it is to FOrgo traiNIngs foR SC or vice versa.... tODay iS haFIZ birTHDay! HApPY bIRthday BOY!!! haha..haFIZ is a veri Nice guy jUST lOVe haVing him aROund wiF us...WE love U haFIZ!!! hahaz...i maDe a Card for Him anD bought hiM a Cake aND frUIT tart...then Put in hIS lOCKEr..hahaz...hoPE he lIkes it=)tHEn we oSO keep tryING to distraCt him to celebrate for HIm...IT's So oBVious that We are up to soMEthings anD he kNOWs it too..hahaz... Saw hIm twICe..went paSs him oNCe..thAT tiem RoystONW as Also there..then went out wif hui Si saw hIM in front oF us oso..but feeliNGS not that Strong le...either is i give up le or i today mood not veri good la
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3,837,505 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Aries
|
15,July,2004
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tODay...nUThing realli special hapPEns...just that FinalLY liKE saw hIS face la...saw him smILE tHEn saw his diMPLE...ahha veri cute la...but haha..nUThing bIG hapPEn bout that aNYway... tODay i saw a veri NCIely wrapPEd boX in my loCker..veri excited then OPEn up on the spOT anD read la..i thought it waS froM mY aNGel but noT la...anYWay i read tHE nOTe anD foUND out thaT it waS froM j...inide a whOLE bottle OF heaRTS...hahaz...it waS nice la..bUt i realLi nO feelNGS for him la...cos I hao gan someoNE elSe la...hahaz...tHEn tODay haFiz anD roYSTon go RepLY cOCk my msg wiF a i love u too...tHEn saBOH mi la...hai si wo k?tHEn both PUSh here PUSh there..aiYo liKE nOT their faULT liKE ta.but anYWay NV i duN realLI blamE them..tHEy are jUST plaYFUl...hahaz..iT'a ok waLAu...they Wan US to mOVe oUR thiNGs oUT of HC rM by SaT..we got NO time k? busy wIF RHD..realLi feel BAd to get the HC to do that bUt nO ChoICe the sch waNS uS to do that anD give us nO roOm to Put oUR stUFf..y alwaYS do thaT to HC??? so unfaiR...mUSt get A roOM baCK nO matter wat...i can'T let mY HC suffers lIKE dat lo...mUSt fight For our righTS!!!
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3,837,505 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Aries
|
13,July,2004
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haha ...toDay aftEr SC wENt out eaT wIF roYSTon,haFiz, anD jaNSen...saW Ai ting la..tHEN liKE suan janSen abIT...ut felt kINDa bad liKE tat cos i think he soUNDs veri sad ...haiX..soRri janSen... tHEN we were eatINg la...diDn't see Soccer so i thought they all goNE home le...but then SuddenLY ROystON calLEd out graDient naME la..i kIND oF suRpRisE la...haha..THen RoysTon went to talKEd to him...saW him waLK here walK there Then bu jIAN le..then suDdelny turned anD saW his fren SittiNG besiDe us..thIS time realLI chua tio..cos thought he all left le..then hiS fren saE he weNt home takE things later cOMing back..thEN roySTon asK his freN to coME siT wiF us..theN he iNTro inTro la..tHEn wheN he iNTro mi..graDIent fren sae..Orh..zhe ge wo zhi dao...huh? abIT funny la...but haha DunnOE la... Shu fanG theY all toLD mi abOUT soMONE elSE whO coULD be anOther...but haha..i OSo dun lIKE la..hahz anYWay..haD fuN today hUI sI BIRthday! haPPY bIRhtdaY deaR!:)
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3,837,505 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Aries
|
12,July,2004
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todaY waS an Alrite Day...starTEd out quITe goOD..yaY! raN wiF jaNE tODay..haha yeah LAst tiem she veri in fornt of mI one now wo jing ran neng her ta yi qi pao..yay! wo JING bu le i hoPE...haha NEXt timE muSt pUSh mYSelF more...coS i know tat'S nOT my limit yEt..hahaz...tHEN whILE rUnning ZR ran Passed...then JANe anD i lauGHEd anD i neaRly fell...mR sim saw anD saY eh..duN See shUAi ge uNtil die dao..haha...sO Funny..isn'T it the oppoSITe? hahaz...so FUnny... TOday onli saW him oNCe...bEofre wuSHu he waS in gamma HSe tee...in thinK he saW mi bUT not sure oSo...anYWaY aiYAh dun care le la...wan See see Dun see dun see loh..hahaz..aCTualli i aM still quITe unsure iF he is stIll atTached...aIYAH nOT my PROb la...hahaz... Wushu waS fUn tODay..bUT almoSt all the sEniors wUN here so kiNDa lost anD weird...haha BUT had fun..roYDen first TImE traiNEd us so FUnny ..bUT It waS a FUn traiNIng...enJOYEd wUShu =) buSY prEpaRIng jaNE 's presEnt...want to make her soMEthing but got alOT of work to do oso..aiYAh thINk leavE them asIDe do her card first ba..haven RealLY started buT hoPE she will lIKE wat i maDE=)
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3,837,505 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Aries
|
11,July,2004
|
toDay waS proJEct work day..as in gLENda anD i went to knIm ronG's hOUSe to do PRoject..Khim rong's room waS nICe i like her room...hahaz..tHEN wheN kHim roNG went oUT i was TalKing to glenda...hahaz..shE reaD my blog anD guessEd whO my cruSH was..haha..clever gal...hahaz...we had fun playinG guRu jOE and askINg guru jOE stupID qn..so FUnny..share soME secrets wif her ..anD she keep teaSIng abOUT the turban one...hahaz..SO fuNNY la GLEnda..haha..enJoyed tokIng to her...shE saID that time at leo camp they were tokiNG bout mi then gradieNt tolD her that wo hai ting ke ai de and hai ting you xin ge de...hahaz...but aiya bu ke neng de la..as in i oso got sae mani guyd good mah..but that doesn't mean anything ma..haha..then glenda was teasiNG so i saID not possible..iF possible i treaT her to swensen with 10 earTH quaKE iCe creamm..so gao xiao...glenda tolD mi abOUT another guy froM CCHs ..she sae he was cool..we looKEd at his friendater photo but not cool leh...haha..i think he was tHE one whom i mistakEN gradient for at first..buT not share if the one glenda and i was toking aboUT was the sAme person..need further confirmation...hahaz... Rosyton damn funny..last NITe msg mi asked mi if i shui le and if wo zai xiang TJC...haha..of cos his TJC means toothpaste-the one with turban, J-january, and C- cock ..hah royston and his own invention of the teRM TJC to suan mi...he even add the Youth in front oF TJC to represEnt gradient..sTUPID roYSTon he's damn craZy sometimes...haha..but enjOy craPPIng wif him...he sae he went to LOok at sports cars...think his dad considering to buy..haha..tolD him next time must give mi free ride...hahaz.. at nITe i did soME geog anD maths..haha..hopEfully tmL wiLL be a goOD day to start..i lIEK going to SCHOol:)
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3,837,505 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Aries
|
10,July,2004
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todAY waS kinDa a gooD day...okie la..not bad... finAlly saW the tesTimonial tHAT haFiz wrote for mi...haha..it was a reallY nIce one...veri toUCHing one...haha...he's a really gooD guy...hahaz...veri gentlman..aNYway tolD him abOUT the j***** thing today, and Z******* thing...coS stUPID roySTon accidently saiD soMEthinG liKE onli 3 persoN she will get excited abOUT..one is yazid, one is ben and the other oNE is DY..tHEn hAfiZ heard ask if i like DY...so siNCe it waS a LOng stORy i toLD him abOUT the others oso..he lauGHEd la..so funny..nURaiN oso Know..hahaz..nURain is MY nu er she call Mi muMMy duNNOE y? hahaz..she saY i lOOK like one..but the FUnny thing is that she is so mUCH taller anD bigger then mi...haha but i LIKE ehr..sHE's a nICE gal:)aND she nOE alOT of chINEse ..haha..soME is I teaCH her oNE...so fuNNY...hahaz suDdenLY rememeber that day after SC general meeting...tHEN waS plaYINg soccer wIF royston, alex, izzat, shu fang, hafiz,zong rong, jansen, jacky, veri fun game then saW the soccer ppl left sch ..as usual i saw him la...cannOT see his fae but can rougly see is him la..his bag and his hair la..haha..then went to the haWKer to eat...first saw him far at tHE $1chicken rice hawker...thiNk he packING food there...i think he saw mi..then the SC foUND a tabLE at the hawker...sICK la...tHE soccer PPL alL THERe...then i got this bad feeling that he's there too..and yah la..i was RIte...haha...omG so paiseh loh...thEN keep telLIng royston i dunwan to sit there then he sae not he choose one..not his fauLT...aiyo...damn embarassinG la..that's all i can say..actualli dunnoe y i sae it is embarrassing le..no big prob oso la...but it realli was la..taht kind ur heart jUMp veri fast one...ahahz ...i remember havING the same feelING when i last time an lian marcus...that time oso dunnoe him..but everyday go to school..go canteen or anywhere oso lIKE try to search for his presence...hahaz...so gao xiaO..anyway..tHEN see him wiLL feel veri excited or happy for the rest of the day..dunNOE y liKE dat lehz...hahaz...huo xu zhen de xi huan ta ba..hahaz..i oso bu qing chu la...haha..but going to sch seems abIT more interestING becos of him la..hahaz..of cos la..nOT forgetiNg my frenz oso..jane they All..anD the sC ppl..hahaz gUEss y LIFe is baCK to thOSe hectic onE again...bUT aT least I am happy mOSt of the time..though i lack slEEP...haahz.... anYWay..i think it is iMPossible for us la...i mean gradient...cos we doN't know each other...nber tok and dun think we ever will...haha..anyway nv oso..i duNWan get attched mah...enjOYIng my freedOm oF being siNGLE..haha=)
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