index
int64 0
2.49k
| season no.
int64 1
3
| episode no.
int64 1
10
| episode name
stringclasses 11
values | name
stringlengths 3
22
| line
stringlengths 3
1.11k
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|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1,219 | 2 | 5 |
Get Schwifty
|
Ice-T
|
Magnesium-J, Hydrogen-F. Father.
|
1,221 | 2 | 5 |
Get Schwifty
|
Ice-T
|
I have changed. I am ready to rejoin my brethren on Alphabetrium.
|
1,230 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Rick
|
Don't worry about Jerry. He's gonna be fine.You hear me Jerry? You're gonna be fine!
|
1,231 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Morty
|
Woahh!
|
1,232 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Rick
|
ooo... Watch out for that stuff. It'll stain if it gets on your clothes, and it'll send into a murderous rage if it gets in your eyes or mouth.
|
1,233 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Beth
|
Why would you keep mutant bacteria in a pint of Cherry Garcia?
|
1,234 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Rick
|
I know this isn't the time, but, you know, technically the second freezer drawer is mine.
|
1,235 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Beth
|
Not anymore.
|
1,236 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Rick
|
You're overreacting!
|
1,238 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Rick
|
Alright fine, but you're not touching my CRISPR.
|
1,239 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Summer
|
Is he going to die?
|
1,242 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Rick
|
What? Every hospital claims to have the best doctor in the galaxy. It's like those pizza places that claim to have the best pizza in the world. What- Do you think they have pizza contests? Have you ever been to a pizza contest?
|
1,243 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Beth
|
Go in the waiting room, Dad.
|
1,244 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Rick
|
Fine! Excuse me. Coming through. What are you here for- Just kidding, I don't care. Well this won't do.
|
1,246 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Rick
|
A sequel.
|
1,248 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Rick
|
Yeah me neither, we pretty much nailed it the first time.
|
1,256 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Announcer
|
Eye-holes! Get them today! IKEA.
|
1,257 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Rick
|
You gotta be careful Morty, if that guy catches you with a box of his eye-holes he comes bursting in through a window and just starts kicking the shit outta you. But it's worth the risk, they melt in your mouth Morty! They're delicious.
|
1,258 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Beth
|
I can't believe you're explaining alien cereal, we're worried about Jerry.
|
1,259 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Rick
|
Well you're thirty-nine years too late, or however old he is. Is he fifty? Oh man, Beth is, is Jerry fifity!?
|
1,260 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Jerry
|
Where am I?
|
1,261 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Alien Doctor
|
Relax Mr. Smith, you're in an alien hospital. I mean to you it's an alien hospital, to me you're just in a hospital. There's another matter we need to discuss with you.
|
1,264 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Jerry
|
My goodness.
|
1,266 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Jerry
|
I see-WAIT! What?
|
1,267 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Alien Doctor
|
It's perfect! The configuration of veins, the ratio of thickness to elasticity, the delicate asymmetry of what you call "your balls". With relatively few adjustments, your genitals can be molded into a working heart for the most important man in the universe!
|
1,268 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Jerry
|
Yeah, but, I mean-
|
1,272 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Jerry
|
Alright! That's enough. You're talking about my species! We understand genocide, we do it sometimes!
|
1,275 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Jerry
|
Yes I will! That's right, assholes, take my penis, TAKE IT ALL! And tell Shrimply Pimples that when the galaxy came calling Jerry Smith from Earth didn't flinch!
|
1,276 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Rick
|
Hey, what's wrong Morty? Oh, you're worried about your dad, huh?
|
1,277 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Morty
|
Huh? Uh, no no no, I'm-I'm just looking at that lady getting coffee. What's up with her face? Is she a human or is she like Worf. You know Worf, from Star Trek, where he has the shit all over his face but he's just a human in a costume, you know?
|
1,278 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Rick
|
Morty let's-let's see what else is on.
|
1,279 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Morty
|
Okay.
|
1,283 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Morty
|
Whoa! Look! It's that lady with all that shit on her face like Worf from Star Trek! That was getting coffee! How did she get there!
|
1,284 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Rick
|
Oh, man Morty. How DID she get there?
|
1,286 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Beth
|
Is that something we should be concerned about?
|
1,287 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Rick
|
Just stay away from the coffee machine.
|
1,289 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Announcer
|
In a world, where there are eight Jan-Michael Vincent's.
|
1,291 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Announcer
|
And sixteen quadrants. There's only enough time for a Jan-Michael Vincent to make it to a quadrant. He can't be in two quadrants at once.
|
1,292 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Morty
|
Rick, who-who is Jan-Michael Vincent?
|
1,293 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Rick
|
Oh man, I'm trying to remember Morty.
|
1,294 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Announcer
|
Jan-Michael Vincent's are used up.
|
1,296 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Morty
|
Is it important that we know who Jan-Michael Vincent is in order to get this?
|
1,297 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Rick
|
Nope.
|
1,299 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Announcer
|
This January, It's time to Mike down your Vincent's. Jan Quadrant Vincent 16.
|
1,301 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Rick
|
That's Jan-Michaels.
|
1,302 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Morty
|
Excuse me, nurse, can you take my temperature? Because I think I have Jan Quadrant Vincent fever over here.
|
1,303 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Rick
|
All right, Morty you've done it!
|
1,304 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Alien Doctor
|
So, we'll be detaching your sexual organ at the base by making incisions here,here, and here.
|
1,305 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Jerry
|
Got it.
|
1,306 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Alien Doctor
|
Leaving a partial length of severed urethra to be threaded through-
|
1,307 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Jerry
|
Oh, you know what, I gotta laugh at myself here! I'm having a little laugh at myself because I just realized I haven't run this whole decision past my wife.
|
1,308 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Alien Doctor
|
Oh, do you think she'll be okay with this?
|
1,309 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Jerry
|
Oh, absolutely. Beth is automatically on board, always, with every decision I make.
|
1,328 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Alien Doctor
|
Smith family?
|
1,329 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Beth
|
Yes?
|
1,330 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Alien Doctor
|
I wanted to let you all know that Jerry is doing just fine.
|
1,332 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Alien Doctor
|
But, ah, Mrs. Smith, could you come with me?
|
1,333 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Jerry
|
Hi, honey, so, here's the thing-these guys-they want to completely remove my penis and use it as an alien's heart, and we just need you to sign off on it.
|
1,334 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Beth
|
WHAT!?!
|
1,335 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Jerry
|
Uh-oh, maybe we have a problem here after all guys. Yikes.
|
1,336 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Alien Doctor
|
His penis will be replaced with a sophisticated prosthetic, now there's a wide range of options to chose from, they're all in this catalog.
|
1,337 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Beth
|
I don't care about prosthetics, this is insane! What do you people think you're doing?
|
1,338 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Alien Doctor
|
I understand your feelings, Mrs. Smith.
|
1,339 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Beth
|
Oh, I don't think you do. I bring my husband in for emergency medical treatment, he's gone an hour, and now you want his PENIS, and you hand me some... catalog. It's--It's--It's--It's, I mean.
|
1,340 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Jerry
|
Sheesh, well, there you go. Sorry. I know it's hard to understand but on Earth, love comes first.
|
1,341 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Alien Doctor
|
There are those that believe, Mr. Smith, that Shrimply Pibbles represents love between all life. That his fate will determine the fate of hundreds of billions of sentient life forms.
|
1,342 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Beth
|
Woah! Woah. So, billions of life forms?
|
1,343 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Alien Doctor
|
Hundreds of billions.
|
1,344 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Beth
|
I mean, Jerry, y-you didn't explain the full gravity of the situation.
|
1,345 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Jerry
|
Uh, well, Beth, I don't think your decision should be based on politics. Who could argue with a wife's decision to keep her LOVER INTACT.
|
1,346 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Beth
|
Well I don't think that's fair at all, Jerry. At all. In fact, I think this whole paradigm has sexist overtones.
|
1,347 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Jerry
|
Beth, can we talk about this privately?
|
1,348 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Beth
|
You know, I think, the bottom line is, Jerry, if you want to keep your penis, you should say, out loud, "I prefer to keep my penis."
|
1,349 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Jerry
|
But, Beth, what kind of man would say something like that if the universe needed his penis!?!
|
1,350 | 2 | 8 |
Interdimensional Cable 2 Tempting Fate
|
Beth
|
Well, Jerry, what kind of wife would I be if I did anything to stand in your way?
|
1,351 | 3 | 1 |
The Rickshank Rickdemption
|
Rick
|
Anyway, that's how I escaped from space prison! Oh, scary place.
|
1,352 | 3 | 1 |
The Rickshank Rickdemption
|
Morty
|
Wow, Rick! That's -- That's one -- one heck of a story. I sure do wish I could have been there to see it happen.
|
1,353 | 3 | 1 |
The Rickshank Rickdemption
|
Rick
|
Oh, come on. Who wants to watch a mad scientist use handmade sci-fi tools to take out highly trained alien guards when we can sit here and be a family at Shoney's?
|
1,354 | 3 | 1 |
The Rickshank Rickdemption
|
Beth
|
Dad, it's great to have you back, no matter where we are, but wouldn't you like to go home?
|
1,355 | 3 | 1 |
The Rickshank Rickdemption
|
Rick
|
Emotionally speaking, honey, Shoney's is my home.
|
1,356 | 3 | 1 |
The Rickshank Rickdemption
|
Jerry
|
Yeah, but you just got out of prison. I mean, how much of a step up from that is --
|
1,357 | 3 | 1 |
The Rickshank Rickdemption
|
Rick
|
Jerry, get out of the booth, take all your clothes off, and fold yourself 12 times.
|
1,358 | 3 | 1 |
The Rickshank Rickdemption
|
Jerry
|
You got it.
|
1,359 | 3 | 1 |
The Rickshank Rickdemption
|
Rick
|
Six folds, huh? W-W-What, have you guys got me in a Series 9000? You cheap insect fucks didn't think I was worth your best equipment?
|
1,360 | 3 | 1 |
The Rickshank Rickdemption
|
Cornvelious Daniel
|
Man, I told the money bugs. I said, "You know who this guy is, right? You want me to get intel out of the smartest mammal in the galaxy, you better give me a decent brainalyzer.
|
1,361 | 3 | 1 |
The Rickshank Rickdemption
|
Rick
|
Well, you might as well order some pancakes, because I don't see the need to leave this part of my brain.
|
1,362 | 3 | 1 |
The Rickshank Rickdemption
|
Cornvelious Daniel
|
Oh, I think you do. Eventually, you're either gonna relax your cerebellum.
|
1,363 | 3 | 1 |
The Rickshank Rickdemption
|
Rick
|
Shoney's.
|
1,364 | 3 | 1 |
The Rickshank Rickdemption
|
Cornvelious Daniel
|
Or the Series 9000 is going to turn it into mush.
|
1,365 | 3 | 1 |
The Rickshank Rickdemption
|
Rick
|
Relaxed enough?
|
1,366 | 3 | 1 |
The Rickshank Rickdemption
|
Cornvelious Daniel
|
I admire you, Rick--
|
1,367 | 3 | 1 |
The Rickshank Rickdemption
|
Cornvelious Daniel
|
When I--
|
1,368 | 3 | 1 |
The Rickshank Rickdemption
|
Cornvelious Daniel
|
Rick, here's--
|
1,373 | 3 | 1 |
The Rickshank Rickdemption
|
Jerry
|
I tell ya, the Galactic Federation taking over Earth -- best thing that's ever happened to this family. I just got my sixth promotion this week, and I still don't know what I do.
|
1,374 | 3 | 1 |
The Rickshank Rickdemption
|
Summer
|
Who cares how high they promote you? Everyone just gets paid in pills.
|
1,375 | 3 | 1 |
The Rickshank Rickdemption
|
Jerry
|
Well, when you're not sure what you do for a living, you can make your own rules.
|
1,376 | 3 | 1 |
The Rickshank Rickdemption
|
Beth
|
Summer, show your father some respect. He's pulling down a six-chewable figure income.
|
1,378 | 3 | 1 |
The Rickshank Rickdemption
|
Morty
|
I kind of had big pills for lunch, and I wasn't gonna eat any more pills. Thank you, Conroy.
|
1,379 | 3 | 1 |
The Rickshank Rickdemption
|
Jerry
|
You spoil us, Conroy.
|
1,380 | 3 | 1 |
The Rickshank Rickdemption
|
Summer
|
Grandpa Rick wouldn't put up with this!
|
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