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{
"description": "asking my boyfriend to leave",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my boyfriend to leave?
|
We've been together for a few months, he stays over 6/7 nights a week. I have a panic disorder, twice now I've had to ask him to leave due to an oncoming panic attack and needing some time alone.
I've never straight up just told him to leave, I usually hint and ask when he has class etc, but he gets the idea. It's usually around lunch time the day after he's stayed the night. He gets very upset and says that it feels terrible to be 'kicked out' of somewhere he feels safe. I understand where he's coming from, but my room is also my safe space and sometimes I really need it to myself.
The reason I ask him to go is because my panic attacks are not pretty (shaking, hyperventilating, throwing up) and I don't want him to see me like that, plus it makes me even more anxious knowing that I'm being so vulnerable and upset in front of someone else. I've tried to explain this to him and he says he understands, but still makes it a problem and says he's sorry for getting in my way and being annoying.
I know it's a safe and comfortable place for both of us, and I want him to feel like that. But in the end it's my room and I'm not sure if I should feel bad for putting my wellbeing first sometimes.
Am I the asshole for asking him for some space when I'm feeling like that?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "telling a teacher about something that my friends did",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For telling a teacher about something that my friends did?
|
This is my first post here, and hopefully my last. Most people know me as an honest and nice person, because I really try to be in most cases, sadly my teachers know that. I have never in my life "ratted" someone out but this was something I thought was justified by me.
For context purposes, there was an exam recently in which some students cheated. Another students found out they did and told on them to the school board directly. We've all been waiting on something to happen to these students, but nothing yet. The entire school knows about what happened, teachers and students included.
So today I was just minding my own business when a teacher came up to me and told me to go into an empty classroom with them. I sat down and was instantly bombarded with questions as to who did what and how and so on. The teacher reassured me that they didn't care about who, and that the teacher knew already but wanted to hear it from someone from their class (this teacher is my homeroom teacher). 30 minutes into the questioning the teacher says that they are more upset with the person who told on them, because what they did was wrong. The teacher then asked if I heard any names flying around who have been accused of cheating one last time when I budged and two names slipped out. The people that I mentioned found out because I felt so bad about I had to tell someone, and they absolutely despise me now. I wrote an apology and everything, stated that I really did mess up, but I thought it isn't as bad as it seems due to the teacher pressuring me incredibly and the entire school already knowing most of the people who did infact cheat.
TL;DR: I was pressured into telling my teacher who already knew about who cheated on an exam who it was just to reassure themselves. The teacher said they would keep it to themselves and I think they will. My whole class hates me, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "thinking my girlfriend wasn't actually getting raped",
"pronormative_score": 228,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for thinking my girlfriend wasn’t actually getting raped?
|
Backstory, my girlfriend has been talking to this guy let’s call him Rick. Now I’m totally cool with having friendships with the opposite sex, but I started seeing some red flags. The first was when I noticed my girlfriend would enter the room I’m in and casually yet kinda frantically be searching for her phone. She would start a conversation but wouldn’t really listen to what I said, just empty dialogue as she walked around the room, when she finally found it she would try to wrap up the conversation or say she has to do something.
Another thing is she would get fancied up to go out with her girlfriends. Which is unusual since she is pretty simple, but she’s been wearing fancy dresses, heels, taking an hour and a half on makeup. I always would comment “wow you look really good, what’s with the get up?” She would answer something along the lines of “It’s just a fun thing I like to do now.”
Some smaller things are she tilts her phone kinda away when we sit by each other, that kind of bugs me because I never look in her phone or be nosey in general but that seems suspicious in my book.
Honestly I wish I found out in a better way, during one of the times she was about to leave to hang out with her girlfriends, I needed some Advil because I had a slight headache she said it was in her purse. Upon reaching in I felt a box, I picked it up and saw that it was a box of condoms. Immediately I started realizing what was going on.
The box was magnum, now I’m gonna shit on myself more by saying yes I can’t fit a magnum so that’s how I knew it wasn’t for me. My heart shattered into two right then and there, I grabbed the box and walked into the bathroom.
She turned and froze for about 10 seconds, like actually froze. I felt embarrassed, humiliated, and incredibly angry. She immediately broke down crying, explaining that “she didn’t cheat, she was getting raped,” I was absolutely flabbergasted and asked if she thought I was fucking stupid.
I kept demanding an explanation but didn’t get one, but in my mind what the fuck? How are you getting raped by someone if you’re getting all dolled up, have the condoms in her possession and still say it’s non consensual. Her only explanation was that “it could be a side effect like those people who are abused and can’t leave.” I kicked her out of my house with her stuff and told her to not speak to me anymore.
She was bawling saying that I didn’t care for her especially since she revealed something SO “DAMAGING” to her. I have no idea what to think anymore; on one hand I wanna hear the explanation, but in the other if I dig I feel like it’ll just be more lies and a waste of time.
Additionally, no she hasn’t done anything like this in the past, this was completely out of character as far as I know.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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apm22k
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{
"description": "getting mad at my boyfriend for eating my food",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For getting mad at my boyfriend for eating my food?
|
Let me preface this post by saying i know getting upset over food is ridiculous and i probably am the asshole here.
So me and my boyfriend are 20 years old and have been together for about 2 years. And over those two years he has probably gained somewhere between 20-30 pounds. Hes 6'3 and if you knew him you'd mostly just notice a little bit of weight gain on his face and stomach. Im 5'0 and 105 pounds, and have never had issues with weight gain but i have had a rough relationship with food in high school that i wont get into.
Anyways, I don't mind his weight gain at all and i still find him extremely attractive and love him very much. However, the problem is he constantly complains about his weight gain and says its "relationship weight". And that makes me feel bad.
I've tried to get him to go workout with me at nights, but i get off work around 4 and he gets off around 7, so by the time he comes home he doesn't have much desire or time to go. He also eats out everyday for lunch at work. I made an effort to make his lunches (considerably healthier) and after a week or two he tells me not to worry about it and hes tired of what i make for him. I feel extremely annoyed when he complains about his weight because i feel like he makes no efforts to change his unhealthy habits and lose the weight but has been frequently mentioning it for around 6 months.
The last straw that made me decide to make this post was after an incident that happened this weekend. We went and got some dinner and i got a full meal, and he just got a small yogurt and a drink because he wanted to make an effort to eat better/lose weight.
After we got home he asked for a bite of my food. No problem. (I knew my food was probably tempting and felt bad i was eating it in his face.) After his first bite, he continued to eat and finished about 70% of MY food. I probably had 4 or 5 bites of my entire meal. He finished his yogurt, my sandwich, fries, and his large drink. I then said something along the lines of "Are you done eating my food?" and he got this sad look on his face and told me he was sorry and i should have said something while we were eating. I told him he just defeated the whole purpose of ordering light and id go get myself food. So that's what i did.
His mom came to visit as i was eating my new food and my boyfriend mentioned something to her about me being grumpy and mad at him to which she began to pry and ask why i was upset. I just told her i was just tired. When she left i let my boyfriend have it telling him im "over his complaining and if he wanted to lose weight he would stop being a baby and do something about it." and 'If you complain about your weight again i will break up with you"
We havent talked since it happened and i feel like i may have been immature. I know weight is a sensitive subject with any person and I dont know if i should be more supportive in his weight loss or if i have a right to be annoyed with him.
I know this sounds so immature, but AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aq3ym6
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{
"description": "taking away and hiding my toilet paper from my college roommates",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for taking away and hiding my toilet paper from my college roommates?
|
I’m in a 6 man apartment, and share food and other costs with a good friend of mine to save money. The last two weeks, we’ve been the only ones stocking toilet paper.
2/3 of a toilet paper roll was used since noon today, and my friend and I decided that we shouldn’t be contributing toilet paper for everyone. Especially since no one else cleans the bathroom ether.
We decided to take our toilet paper away and keep it in our bedroom. So only we can use it.
Are we assholes for doing this? We left the current roll on as to not strand people until they hopefully get the hint.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 10,
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
rr54iXrUCsFh0LgLYUjsaImAJcCq2iHj
|
aj7efh
|
{
"description": "wanting to live at my dad's house instead of my mom's",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For wanting to live at my dad’s house instead of my mom’s?
|
Note: this isn’t validation seeking or anything, I’m genuinely worried that I may be in the wrong in this situation.
So my parents divorced when I was at a really young age. I’ve been living with my mom ever since, seeing my dad every other weekend, if that.
It was fine when I was younger, but now my mom is starting to get a lot more sensitive about everything I say and say that I hate her. Once or twice I’ve asked where my brother and I will be for the weekend since plans change, and she’s blown up for it, yelling about how I’m disrespectful and need to grow up. She also freaks out when my social anxiety affects my life.
I’ve been able to deal with it for a while, but now it’s been coming to the point where I’m drained of energy after talking to her and try to interact with her as little as possible.
I’ve brought up living with my dad a couple of times, but I’ve always been talked out of it. It would make the schedule difficult, as my brother wants to stay with our mom and not leave. She wouldn’t be able to take me to family events -Christmas, thanksgiving, those sorts of deals- as easily, and the commute from here to my dad’s house is a lot of driving.
TL;DR: I don’t enjoy my current situation with my mom and would rather live with my father, but that would spark a lot of issues with time management and schedules.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ax5tnp
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{
"description": "not entertaining my guest 24/7",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not entertaining my guest 24/7
|
Three months ago I moved to a Caribbean island for an amazing job opportunity and so far I really like it.
As soon as I announced this opportunity to friends, some of them stated that they would love to visit me when I’m there. Fun!
The first friend is here now and on day three I am thinking about canceling other friends who want to make the trip...
I thought I had made it very clear before she booked her trip that I would not be available 24/7 when she is here. I have to work and I don’t want to use all my vacation days to entertain her so she has to entertain herself for three days (out of ten) while I’m working. I have time for her in the evening to get dinner and/or a drink and she can go to the beach during the day (as she stated she wants to spend every minute there).
Some issues have already surfaced where the conclusion is that she doesn’t understand that I’m not on a vacation (and need to get some chores done) and she stating to me that I have to understand her frustration because she IS on a vacation and wants to enjoy every second of her very short trip (her words). I’m doing the best I can but every thing that I do that is not part of her vacation (like sweeping) is somehow me taking time and enjoyment away from her vacay... but she told me she wants to leave at a certain time so why can’t I use the time before that to do some laundry? She wakes up before me so she has to wait for me to finish some things but I make sure I’m done before the time she mentioned she wants to leave.
What’s also is not helping is that she used to work (for four months) on the same island before me, however in a completely different field and 7(!) years ago. Every experience I share with her, she dismisses because ‘no that is not how things go here at all’. All this has made me very defensive for the last couple of days, making me a party pooper that has to chill (...) I just feel that she has taking over my life here and I have to listen to her expert advice about the island (like when driving she tells me I’m not taking the right road, it was better if I took the other way).
AITA for being defensive about her “expert” remarks of how to do things here and taking time away in the morning of her vacation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"OTHER": 10,
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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at8hci
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{
"description": "scheduling a trip during my SO's \"family reunion\"",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for scheduling a trip during my SO's "family reunion"?
|
So backstory: we visit SO's family twice a year for family get togethers, sometimes more if life leads us that way. We live roughly ten hours away and the location of SO's family is pretty much in the middle of nowhere and we stay in an old and dilapidated barn. Recently one of SO's grandparents have died and this year instead of a family camping trip they want us to come out for a yard sale - which we would be helping to run in the summer.
A couple problems are: SO's parent wants us to camp out on the lawn as there are too many of us to all fit in the barn. The shower situation is grim - there is only one bathroom usually split between 8+ people. We usually go at Christmas and SO's sibling and I wait it out till we get back home because of how bad the water smells. I've been to Iceland so I understand the sulfur smell but it's just at another level here. We often aren't fed properly (I realize we are both adults but its a delicate situation of not wanting to offend anyone that the food out there is terrible and also that we have no access to our own food). SO's siblings have a lot of dietary issues so they usually get the main focus on eating and we are left with junk food and pasta day after day.
So basically, we're supposed to come out and camp in a yard for 5 days, in the summer, with no real shower option, and bad food. Im talking constipation for days kinda deal.
If SO really wanted to go I would suck it up and do it, but it is only SO's parent that has **told us** we're coming. SO and I talked it over and we are both on the same page about not wanting to go. SO's family is large enough that there will be enough people to help, and we know that some other cousins who live closer than we do are not going to go because of the distance. Again its a 10 hour drive for us and we don't have access to a car so we have to travel down to SO's parents house (4 hours away) and then travel with them to the grandparents house.
At the same time we have been planning a trip and one of the best times for us to go is the same week/weekend as this trip. So would we be the assholes if we scheduled the trip during this time as our excuse? We are definitely not going and we don't have a reason for it yet, but would scheduling a trip be the asshole way to get out of it?
SO's parent has stated that it's really important for her kids to help out and I know it is very stressful for said parent and that they will most likely be mad at us either way.
​
​
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
2XIL0DwDLL02gCndJIm3mYCktH46FNSU
|
asz2dg
|
{
"description": "deciding to rescind my sisters plus one to my wedding because we cannot stand her new boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 30
}
|
AITA: I (27M) have decided to rescind my sisters (24F) plus one to my wedding because we cannot stand her new boyfriend
|
First time posting on this sub, but this has been a point of contention between my sister and I and need some advice. I am getting married early April and we are all traveling down to the Caribbean for the ceremony (destination wedding). We originally gave my sister a plus one because we enjoyed her old boyfriend. Once they broke up, we decided to wait and see who she would be bringing.
Lo and behold she meets a new guy who NOBODY in my immediate family enjoys. He is unemployed (at 31), seems to mooch off my sister, and does not stop talking! Seriously, you cannot get a word off without this guy barreling through the conversation.
Regardless, I have decided that I no longer want him at the wedding. I know that it’s last minute, but we were able to get my cousin to fill in for him so that no money would be lost. My sister is now threatening to no longer come to the wedding since she feels like he should be coming with her (they’ve been going out for roughly 6 months).
Am I in the wrong here? I truly believe that I should enjoy everyone that’s coming to my wedding, especially since we designed it to me an intimate setting with only our closest friends and family.
TLDR: I rescinded the plus one I gave to my sister and no longer want her boyfriend going to my wedding. She is pushing back saying she won’t go if he’s not included, they’ve only been going out 6 months.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 16,
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 30
}
|
WRONG
|
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|
alqt3g
|
{
"description": "not letting my GF know my password",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not letting my GF know my password
|
Now I have this girlfriend who wants to know my password and have a fingerprint to open my phone. I don't naturally give her that and every time she asks me about it she gets angry. I want to know what you think about this. (I am new to this so mods, delete this if this doesn't belong here)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 23,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 26,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
opLVEaMfxyLT3Lp6XtqFaw425Kd2bWLP
|
ad3m0w
|
{
"description": "ignoring this classmate's texts",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ignoring this classmate's texts?
|
We've never talked in class except for exchanging greetings. Whatever interaction we've had makes it pretty obvious that she's really fixated on the fact that I have pretty good grades.
​
She does this thing where she just comes up to me, asks my grade and then leaves. She has done this two times and it kinda annoys me. I guess she sees it as a competition. (At least pretend to see me as a person, please?)
​
Here's the part I feel kind of guilty about: a few weeks back she texted me, after getting my number (without asking me directly), asked me about my grades in an exam, I told her I didn't know yet. She replied that I should let her know when I do. This annoyed me and I ended up muting her number. Apparently, she sent me quite a few texts since then and since I don't open my SMS app much, so I missed them. I opened it today and the last text was something like 'knowing you can help people, how can you put yourself out of reach?' I feel guilty because I ghosted her only because it seemed she was going to ask about grades and academics all the time. I probably would have helped if she'd asked, rather than ask for my grades from the start. Am I the asshole for ghosting her?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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53Npn03qVJlFkeWFyha9aQpuABccqwbh
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a8ehs9
|
{
"description": "inturrupting my ex gf while she's on the phone with her prison fiance",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for inturrupting my ex GF while she's on the phone with her prison fiance? [NSFW]
|
On mobile sorry for any formatting errors.
So we still live together and have been fairly cool for the two months after I broke up with her. (Long story surrounding that, I can go into it needed but I don't think it's relevant.) I broke up with her because I wasn't comfortable being the secondary relationship to someone who will be in prison for another 23 years.
During the year we were together they had phone sex a handful of times that I was home, and it always bothered me. So right before I broke up with her they agreed to not have phone sex while I'm home and things were ok. Because the breakup was situational we still care about each other and for a little while still had sex, up until a few weeks ago when she wanted to stop that.
Apparently for the past two months they haven't actually been able to have phone sex due to the prison he was in. He moved prisons last week and now has some more privacy to... Do stuff. Awkward considering I'm now unemployed about the same time he moved and am now home all the time for at least a few weeks.
So in combination with me not being gone, she had just finished ghosting him because the move made him irrational and she wasn't wanting to deal with it (guess who handled him during that time) and them not having done anything for a couple months they were antsy.
Me and the ex had spent most of the day together, and had gone home to drink a few beers and get high. Which... Gets her rather horny. So he calls and she goes to the other room. I don't think anything of it, cause he prefers privacy when calling and that's ok, and just pause the movie we were watching.
Then out they were getting it on even though they agreed not to when I was home, she claims she was trying to be quiet and to be fair I didn't hear anything until the dryer turned off, then I could hear her vibrater throughout the apartment.
So I go to get door, knock a few times before she even acknowledges me, then when she gives me a passive aggressive 'I'm on the phone' I just reply 'we talked about this'.
She does stop after that but the damage is already done, my mood is shot and we argued for a couple hours. To which we just gave up and went to sleep. But I wanted to sleep in my own bed which I guess is her bed until the lease is up but we still share every now and then.
So as we're cuddling I hold her close because physical comfort is nice even though I'm not feeling well. Then I guess she was still horny because she mentioned that the way I was holding her made her aroused. So I go for some angry sex after verifying she was actually ok with it. (Drunk and high the both of us... So I guess not even real consent at the time, but when we woke up she said it was ok)
This morning had a speaker phone conversation with her and prison guy which was... Explosive. Basically amounting to I was an asshole for interrupting and doubly so for having sex with her after. And he's also mad at her for having sex with me.
TL;DR: interrupted my ex GF having phone sex with her prison fiance that's existed before me, ended up having sex with her myself after a couple hours of arguing.
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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9wdzm0
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{
"description": "not attending my cousin wedding",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not attending my cousin wedding?
|
I live in a joint family and have lots of cousins in my house. I have always found myself to be the weird one among my cousins, as I don't like attending to parties or dancing like they do and I don't have a problem with that.
So I have been living in a hostel for around 1 and a half year. In this time I have already missed two of my cousins wedding. Luckily both of them were almost around my exams so I had a genuine reason to avoid them. It's not that I hate weddings and all, its just that I find it too tiring ( as I would have to travel back to home and would also have to miss college for almost 4-5 days ) and a bit expensive.
Now another one my cousin is having her wedding in a few months and at around that time I will be going back to my hostel after having some holidays and will be going to my hostel almost before 7-10 days of wedding. Now I wouldn't miss like a week of college and genuinely I don't even want to attend it. Also it would be too much of hassle to go back for the wedding. But I can't think of a genuine reason.
Also my parents don't have a problem if I attend my cousin wedding or not.
So AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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amyvug
|
{
"description": "dumping my depressed girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Dumping my Depressed Girlfriend
|
I know it sounds fucked up but let me explain.
(I don’t often write things like this so please excuse grammatical errors and poor punctuation)
So I’ve known this girl for about 2-3 years now and we’ve only been dating for about a month now, I know about her failed suicide attempts and I decided it was best to try to help her instead of ignoring her problems, but I decided it was best to leave her after learning about some things she’s done in the past. (we’re both only in our freshman years of high school, this information will be useful later in the story so remember this).
So I’ve recently found out the girl i was dating was sending nude photographs of herself to other men. I forgave her for this as this was in the past before we were dating, but what was even more disturbing was the fact that I later found out these men were fully grown adult males. I did not like this but at the time i wanted out relationship to work so I moved on. Things were going pretty smoothly until she came to me high off her ass. She told me she had taken a Black Pill and has started to hallucinate, I was pissed not only did she take some fucked up drug that she didn’t even know the side effects to but now she’s basically forcing me to babysit her until she’s picked up, this was strike one for me and later decided that two strikes were enough after learning she had oral sex with one of my friends.
But even after all of this I still feel like a piece of shit for not sticking by her side during her time of need. And being that final push someone needs to end their life is something i don’t want to live with.
Long story short: two high school freshman go out i found out she sends nudes to full grown men and she fucked my friend, I leave her despite knowing about her other suicide attempts and now i feel like a piece of shit
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
sxfaVRTo94u2N5jHupqH42VeOaZAQSAm
|
ak6zkl
|
{
"description": "wanting to turn captions on when everyone else hates them",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to turn captions on when everyone else hates them?
|
basically, i have an Auditory Processing Disorder that (sometimes) makes it difficult for me to process spoken word. I can hear perfectly fine and I understand that words are being said, but sometimes I am unable to understand spoken word as anything more than a jumble of noises. I’m totally fine 80% of the time, but some days are definitely worse than others and accents, background noise, and volume level can make it harder for me. It often takes a lot of concentration to understand every word being said to me.
Anyway:
I usually turn on captions when I’m watching stuff. Some people in my family HATE the captions and will go as far as to complain about it while turning them off. They really seem genuinely bothered by the captions: “It ruins comedy for me if I read the punch line first.” “It distracts me from the show and I can’t enjoy it.” I know that tons of people seem to be similarly annoyed by captions or feel that it ruins their experience, but sometimes I just *cannot* understand what the hell is going on if I don’t have captions on, so it really sucks for me when they’re off.
~~~
So, AITA for wanting captions on when I’m watching stuff with other people even though everyone else seems to hate them/feel it ruins their experience? I always feel pretty bad about it knowing that the other person watching with me is probably annoyed with the captions, so I only ever put them on if I’m watching alone.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
7SquKxdkgbS44JFpTLzyEJiF5yUoFAhH
|
a7ygxh
|
{
"description": "not letting new roommate get the master",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not letting new roommate get the master? (UPDATE)
|
Original Post:/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/a5k50s/aita_for_not_letting_new_roomate_get_master/
So Reddit, you were right. After agreeing on $900 a month in rent and signing the lease, my roommates are trying to force me into paying $1200 for the larger room. I have multiple screenshots of them turning down my offers to pay more, and they have fallen to patronizing me and trying to big bro me into paying $1200 a month. Am I The Asshole if I pull out of this lease and how would I do this living in the Los Angeles area?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
gdYPmxPVFXUV4AK9VA0TQXDakvS4tjRs
|
a02e7u
|
{
"description": "telling my friends the story of my cousin's death",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling my friends the story of my cousin’s death?
|
They were over for dinner and told us their 19 year old daughter got a motorcycle. Everyone I know who has had a motorcycle is either dead or came pretty close. My cousin died when he was 21 in a motorcycle accident so that’s the first thing that comes to mind when I hear that some young person got a motorcycle. Should I have just kept my mouth shut and said “oh that’s nice.” That isn’t what I did. I told them the whole gruesome details.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
x4FYnfXxQrC8c0Qra4XqjS3ePD5pAVzJ
|
a7ex2j
|
{
"description": "choosing not to spend Christmas with my girlfriends-exes-parents",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I chose not to spend Christmas with my girlfriends-exes-parents?
|
My girlfriend and I are in a long lasting relationship. We live together, have a kid on the way, the whole shebang.
She is very close with her exes parents. They are the grandparents of their daughter. They take the two of them on vacations with them, include them to social dinners, etc.
She and her ex were “on and off” over a long time. Roughly since high school. Their last breakup was over 3 years ago, and they’ve both dated other people since. She, however, maintained her relationship with them for her daughters sake.
She is asking me to essentially befriend them in the same manner as her. I have no issue with this, I will come around in my own time. They are after all, the grandparents of her daughter who I care very much about.
My dilemma is that I don’t know them well enough yet. I’ve eaten dinner with them once. And now I’m being asked to spend Christmas with them, and her ex who will also be there.
I am not insecure about her and her ex, but I am uncomfortable in this particular scenario. Here you have his mom, his dad, his daughter, his childhood home, his ex, his current girlfriend, and I just feel.. like I don’t belong there.
I don’t know any of them, and I don’t really want to spend Christmas there because it would make me uncomfortable.
Am I being an asshole? I just can’t see myself sitting at the table with her ex and his family asking them to pass the butter.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
yE70mccPy5GmCg7vMYrxcNSpFmRBq4S2
|
b7ely3
|
{
"description": "buying my Secret Santa that I have never met a $2 mug",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITAH for buying my Secret Santa that I have never met a $2 mug?
|
Yes, I know Christmas is far past us. But I can't stop thinking about this.
So, I'm in 11th grade and my orchestra teacher decides to host a Secret Santa with a $1 - $10 range limit. This beign my first time doing this hopes to get one of friends, of course I end up getting a guy that I've never met before. He isn't in my orchestra period, but he does have lessons with my teacher and thus makes him part of the orchestra.
( Ok I've seen glances of him in the halls or when he randomly comes in. But personally know him? No. )
The Secret Santa due date is coming and I still don't know what to get him. So instead of buying...oh I don't know...a bag of chocolates or anything that somebody would generally like. I end up buying him a $2 Mug, Star wars themed.
Secret Santa day arrives and I don't see his reaction to my gift, but I do see him with the mug.
I don't know man! Am I the Asshole? Or is it just guilt?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
5CP6zg1xQYSayrlyQpEmw1jnanoIOreP
|
asx52u
|
{
"description": "skimming my mum on payments after she destroyed my preserved Rose",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA the asshole for skimming my mum on payments after she destroyed my preserved Rose?
|
Sorry for formatting on mobile
So recently with Valentines day my girlfriend decided to get me a preserved rose (for those who don't know this is a rose that doesn't die and doesn't need watered). While I was out this morning my mum decided to spray the rose with some water, despite having been told that it's preserved and doesn't need water.
I come home with my girlfriend to find my rose sitting there looking like it's wilting. I am hugely upset by this and I want her to pay for the rose as its quite pricey.
This is where some context comes in.
About two months ago both her and my grandmother went halves on a new car for me and I am paying her back $200 with every paycheck I get (which is about a 5th of my paycheck, with the rest going into bills and savings).
Today happened to be one of her pay days (from me as she is unemployed and not actively looking for work) and I took out the cost of the rose from what I owe her for the fortnight. She immediately got angry and demanded the rest of the money. Its emotionally affected both me and my partner and is continuing to do so.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
SjJMSwlzAEt3CBvzK4P2GkBdOZOMzO4J
|
agtkfu
| null |
AITA
|
So I'm new to this Reddit. Hi assholes. I just purchased Dragon ball Z movie tickets. Only thing is they are wheelchair seats cuz it was sold out. Like completely. No free spots.
Now I get not parking in wheelchair spots but what about businesses where you pay money. I will have to bring lawn chairs as the spots are open. Am I really an asshole? Should I have waited till the last minute to see if they would fill? The theatre didn't say I needed a wheelchair to purchase the tickets. Only that the spots had no seats. Lemme know.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
8bVo4VfGijGkdqgvNz6nPafiZSDTViKQ
|
aejjxw
|
{
"description": "telling my hispanic girlfriend that our children should learn to speak English first",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 20
}
|
AITA for telling my Hispanic girlfriend that our children should learn to speak English first?
|
I was born and raised in Kansas, and my girlfriend and her family immigrated here from Central America about 18 years ago. We've been together for a few years now.
Recently, we've started the talks of children. Everything was fine, until she told me she wanted our children to learn English and Spanish 'at the same time' and how 'we will speak Spanish at home'(Even though she knows I don't speak Spanish and have no ambition to learn anymore than I already do)
I put a stop to all that and told her since we live in America, where English is mainly spoken, they will learn English first and when they're older if they want to start learning Spanish they can. I also told her I would not learn Spanish just so I could communicate with my family when I'm in my own home. she got very upset. She said I was being "disrespectful to her culture" and I was being a "basic Trump supporter"
I'm thinking logically here. We live in the Bible Belt, where everyone speaks English, it will just be easier for our children to speak the language everyone else is speaking first. Her family all knows English, so I don't see why she's worried about this so much.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 19,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 20
}
|
WRONG
|
msvzUnhXfM3WRg2E52ZftpIkYbnAcj1P
|
aobuzd
|
{
"description": "sending back a meal at a restaurant and having it blow totally out of proportion",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for sending back a meal at a restaurant and having it blow totally out of proportion
|
So a little background. There’s this restaurant in Malibu that I love and go to often. Most times I go I order these steak and shrimp tacos that are delicious. But tonight I took a small bite and realized something was wrong. I just did not like them and my stomach hurt. I felt bad, and my mom suggested I tell the waiter. I’ve never sent back food before.. I motioned the waiter who suddenly called 5 other waiters and then the manager! It was blowing up in my face. The last waiter told me certain ways to respond to the manager in that when he asks “ do you want another one” I need to say no.
The manager finally rushed out and started asking me a lot of questions “ so you don’t like them? Why exactly do you not like them!”, and I responded “I’m really sorry, I’ve had these tacos before just tonight idk something is different”. I felt totally on the spot and awful. He rushed out and shook his head angrily (keep in mind literally everyone was watching this unravel.)
I at least made the effort to leave a great tip and even carved into the coconut “ Sorry! I love it here!” Overall though AITA? ( I feel like I put out a bratty image)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
bxfQu7xCDDK0kotxdpt052keNqN3ek2M
|
a2gxu6
|
{
"description": "calling out my ex",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for calling out my ex?
|
I was dating this guy for about four months before he broke it off after a really bad fight that we had. After that, I made it clear to him that I wanted nothing to do with him, and last month, he tried to come back into my life. He was saying things like “I miss you,” and “You’re the only thing I need”. I told him I wanted him to leave me alone, and he respected that for about a week.
Then he comes back saying the same things, and I told him the same thing, but he just kept coming back. So I made an instagram post with the caption “People like me are gone forever when you say goodbye”.
Now him and some of our mutual friends are pissed off at me. I know I could’ve handled it better, but I gave him so many chances and he just completely ignored all of them. When he questioned me about it, i told him the same thing, that he had so many chances to back off and he didn’t listen to any of them.
So, am I the asshole in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
YJkJczn8Kfvl7XQY54e0nlAbDiQ4E90I
|
b352vo
|
{
"description": "not staying for eight weeks",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I don't stay for eight weeks?
|
My mom recently stress fractured her foot. She needs to surgery to correct it and then she will be non-weight bearing for eight weeks. I'm currently a stay-at-home mom to my 15 month old, however I am going to start school again in the fall.
​
Immediately after she suspected she'd broken it she called and asked if I could come down and help her out, primarily by driving her to and from work since it is her clutch foot that is injured. She was very frustrated since this is the second time she has fractured her foot, the first time being a couple years ago. The first time she broke her foot I did go down to help her out, however due to school and work I was only with her for three weeks before going home again. I agreed that myself and my daughter would come down to help out. There is no way my daughter would be able to stay home with her dad since he is always on call for shift work. The problem is that I only thought I would be down for 3-4 weeks. After a phone conversation tonight I learned she expected me to stay for the full eight week recovery time, and then extending the stay until late July, since I already have plans to be down there from late June to late July due to my best friend's wedding.
​
I do have some issues with this. For one, I don't want to take my daughter away from her dad for so long, and I know her dad doesn't want to be away from her for so long either. Everything happens so quickly at this age and we both feel like he would miss a lot. The second reason being that we have prior commitments for the month of May. We'll be moving into a new place and I want to be here for that. My daughter will turn 18 months in May and with that comes a doctors appointment and more vaccinations, both of which have been scheduled already. Another admittedly more selfish reason against this is that for the duration of my stay my daughter and I will be sleeping on an air mattress in a room that is primarily used for storage.
​
I expressed my concerns to my mom tonight and she was not happy. She made a point to say "I can't rely on anyone," and that she would be completely screwed if I don't come down for at least the eight weeks, which I feel was an attempt to guilt trip. She has a boyfriend and a lot of friends where she is (one even lives in her building) that can help her out as well.
​
WIBTA if I don't stay for eight weeks?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
8AqcopuC6EGUuihGAfk1WuMAIODJkP2Q
|
ag295l
|
{
"description": "being annoyed that my birthday was snubbed by a family member",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for being annoyed that my birthday was snubbed by a family member?
|
Now i should clarify that the family member in question is 7 months old called Jordan.
I recently turned 19 and I've never wanted a large birthday party or anything so i decided that i'd like for my family to go for a Sunday lunch meal in a local pub near where I live. I'd invited my brother and his fiance, my sister and her boyfriend as well as my mother. However my brother was unable to attend due to work and my sisters boyfriend wasn't able to either due to money issues (Important later). So in total its me (m), my mother, my sister and my brothers fiance whom brought my nephew of 7 months.
Once arriving at the pub it was quite clear what my mother and sister had on their mind as since being asked what i wanted to drink hadn't been spoken to since, they wanted to see my nephew Jordan. Fast forward to being seated. Everyone has arrived and sat at the table and soon im noticing a triangle of conversation with me firmly on the outside, from everything from the baby is cute (to which i agree but which arent?), to the baby had plenty of sleep last night or maybe lack of. I should clarify that my sister and mother see this baby often 2 times a week sometime even more. I spent a majority of my time eating my food largely in silence and when conversation would turn to something other than baby related i was able to join in but it would soon be turned back towards the baby and i would be put out once again.
After eating food and leaving i was already feeling a bad sad (somewhat aware that im feeling sorry for myself) we head back to my brothers house and more of the same. I would also like to add that i was given a birthday card on my way out which sort of felt like an after thought.
So am i being an asshole for being mad at my family and should i confront them? Or should i stop being an entitled dick?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
XjhcrjRgR7ndt6IjSJsET0h6xa7jR0dl
|
b67go9
|
{
"description": "not asking my best friend to prom even though she wanted me to",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for not asking my best friend to prom even though she wanted me to?
|
For clarification I'm a boy and my friend is a girl.
We've been best friends for about 7 years now and are always honest to each other, even when it's harsh. We were talking about prom and she asked if I was going to ask her. I asked her if she wanted me to and she said yes. My friend has never been asked to a dance throughtout all of high school but she doesn't even want to go to prom that badly. She was only going because her mother wanted her to. I told her I didn't think she would mix well with the group I was going with because a lot of the people in my group don't like her. I also said I was planning on asking someone else. She told me she *really* wanted to go with me and I told her I'd think about it.
A couple days later I ask a different girl to prom without telling my friend. My friend texted me saying that I was she felt like I was embarrassed by her and that I ignore her when I'm with other people. She said she doesn't like being the better friend and that I don't do as much for her as she does for me. She now asked some else to prom and won't talk to me. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
KvjxX0llt0D9yiVn35OkhDo8QPv5LjbL
|
ap1pxo
|
{
"description": "being upset that my bf missed my birthday cake",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being upset that my bf missed my birthday cake
|
Tl;dr on the bottom because this is kind of long
I am 18/F and he is 18/M
Yesterday was my birthday and my boyfriend and I made plans to spend the whole day together. The first thing we planned to do was go out for lunch and in the morning, he called me and told me that someone wanted to buy his Apple Watch he was selling on FB marketplace. He asked if it would be ok if we could stop at the Target 5 minutes away from my house before lunch and I said yes.
When it was almost time to meet up, the guy texted my bf and told him he was on his way (the guy lived in 30 min away from our city) and my boyfriend wanted to go there early so the guy didn’t have to wait. As I was getting ready to leave, my mom asked me if my bf could come in so we can sing happy birthday before I leave since they had other plans later that day so that time was the only time we could do my birthday cake. I figured if we were only gonna sing, he could come in for a minute since the guy wasn’t even at the Target yet.
When my bf got to my house, I called him and told him to come inside so they could sing happy birthday to me and he got really mad at me and said that we didn’t have time. We ended up arguing for 20 minutes over the phone and he ended up missing my birthday cake because he chose to go meet that guy alone.
After he sold his Apple Watch, he called me and was upset and told me that he got a bad rating for being late and that it was my fault. I argued the fact that it would’ve only taken 30 seconds to sing happy birthday to me and my mom didn’t expect us to eat the cake right away. He called me unsympathetic and said I needed to admit I was wrong when I feel like I wasn’t. He kept telling me to put myself in his shoes and honestly if I was him I would’ve just came in but he still kept telling me I was wrong. He told me that I didn’t have any right to just “change plans” on him like that and if we made plans then we should stick to them. It made me so upset because I didn’t feel like it would be a huge issue since the guy wasn’t even there her. I ended up crying over the phone and he apologized for sounding mean but he still thinks I’m wrong. So AITA?
After thinking about it, I now feel like I may have been wrong and I didn’t want to tell anyone I knew about this so I’m hoping someone from reddit would be able to share their opinion
Tl;dr: boyfriend missed my birthday cake because he wouldn’t come in for 30 seconds to sing happy birthday to me and chose to go sell his Apple Watch instead
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
yESJge7r0wi8oFGZTF483ONg57ljUxjm
|
ahn96q
|
{
"description": "repeatedly turning off the central heater",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for repeatedly turning off the central heater?
|
So there are four people in this house. I'll refer to other three as A,B,C.
A is rarely home and has no preference.
B likes it warm all the time.
C likes it cold at night, warm in mornings
D(myself) likes it cold all the time.
The central heater is frequently turned to 70 degrees. It says 70 but it actually goes up to like 72 so that it doesn't have to run constantly.
It's too hot for me, period. I turn it down to 68 whenever I see or hear it running. Every time. Over 68 prevents me from sleeping when B turns it on at night, and when C turns it on in the morning while preparing for their day (often at 5am) it wakes me up.
Our house is small. There is no shared area beyond hallway, kitchen and one bathroom shared between myself and B. The main vent is very loud. The house is also poorly insulated, so there's no way to stop my room from warming up whenever they turn on the heater - except to chuck open my window like halfway. Closing my personal vent doesn't help.
The rub is that we are allowed to use personal space heaters. My philosophy, and the philosophy I wish they would embrace, is that personal liberty is fine until it interferes with someone else's personal liberty. I feel bad being so sensitive to the freaking whirlwind dervish of this heater blaring. But I need my sleep and my perspective is that there is no legitimate reason to interfere with my sleep just because B or C wants to be warm while taking a poop at night or making coffee in the morning.
They have no right to use central heating, thereby subjecting *everyone* to their whims, when we can just use personal space heaters in our rooms and suffer the cold in the bathroom and kitchen. And let's be clear - this is northern California. "Cold" is 62 degrees F. We have no living room, no one stays in the kitchen longer than a few minutes. C, the main culprit in warming the house in the morning, even has their own private bathroom that they can keep warm with space heaters.
Am I the asshole and acting like a draconian tyrant by shutting down their usage of central heating since it f*cks with my life in a major way?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
6yNNJi9tyweERvgoVQRJ2KggaqGJv2kT
|
aox5nu
|
{
"description": "leaving a suicidal girl",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving a suicidal girl?
|
Please read before you judge me. I help people and I normally wouldn't do that, but this is a different case.
It all started innocently on one of my post that I made on subreddit lonely. It said that I seek friends and anyone that will talk about themselves. They just have to reply and sometimes write me first. And so she wrote me...
I told her to talk about herself and so she told me some basic stuff and then that her boyfriend verbally insults her and hurts her. Of course I told her to leave him alone. It would be before to be alone than abused right?
And so we continued. I'll skip some stuff because it would take a lot. I'll put the most important stuff. If any questions I can answer them.
1. I gave her friends. I mean I made few post asking for anyone to help her. She said she was lovely and my father is my father I spent most of my free time with her. When I left her alone because I had to she wrote me she was too lonely so she pulled her hair. I gave her friends, didn't helped
2. I tried to find her a boyfriend. I used my other app to find her a boyfriend. She said she missed love. After I gently tried to explain to her that it won't work between us and I can't love her she told me she won't be loved anymore because I rejected her. I cried and shivered and was up until 3 am to keep her alive. I read "I'll go commit suicide" and passed out. When I woke up and asked her if she is alive she replied "Ugh". I thought I killed a person.
3. After all she called me a fake friend. My Internet sister helped me open my eyes. I tried to help this girl, gave my heart into it. My father yelled at me. I shivered, cried and stuff like that but I stayed with her, hoped everything will be okay. I helped twice so why not again? No..
I hate myself and don't mind hurting myself mentally but this was too much. I couldn't stay with her anymore. To not be bad on her I talked about my problems with her and she replied almost immediately. So yeah.. I don't know if I'm the asshole
(from her words, her family treated her bad and cared more about her other sister, her boyfriend had cancer and probably committed suicide, the closest psychologist took only 18+ people and she didn't wanted to call any social support.)
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
Ur9KHHqTpStUyWogSBCfXHuLW0JPF6So
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aijrd8
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{
"description": "not giving my future bedroom to my older brother",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving my future bedroom to my older brother
|
White people problem ahead, proceed with caution.
Sorry for any mistakes, I hope it's understandable, because english is not my main language.
I'm 19 and he's 27yo. We're both at the same public university (and course). I'm entering my second year and he's on his last. Our course lasts 4 years and he's on his 7th (I don't blame him, I think he had his reasons). We live together in an apartment 4 hours away from our parents and sister (22), our parents pay all our bills.
My parents live in the city, they bought a old house in the woods 6 years ago and after 6 years of construction they turned it into our "summer" house, with swimming pool, a small soccer field, a few small crops, chickens and some settlements for guests. I'm from South America, so it's always summer to us, that means that we go there almost every weekend we're in the city.
Recently my parents came with the idea of moving to this house, we all liked it, but the main building of that place got only 2 bedrooms, it's been more than 10 years since me and my siblings shared bedrooms, our parents know that it would be awkward to us to start sharing again and decided to "give us a second floor" as a gift (the guest settlements I mentioned before are all kinda far from the main building and they didn't want us living there).
I know this is getting long, so here is the deal. I was the last one to know they we're going to build a second floor, when I got the news from them, I got told that I was the only one staying on the first floor because my siblings had already chosen theirs rooms. I got a little bit sad because the last time we moved the same thing happened (me ending up with the smallest and worse bedroom) but I didn't care much because I've always thought to myself that as the youngest sibling I have no rights over these things. But hey, at least I'll have my own bathroom and no need for stairs.
Now that the second floor walls are up, my siblings noticed that my old bedroom is kinda bigger than theirs. My sister already said that she's staying on the first floor with me in the other bedroom that was going to be empty (it's little smaller than mine), her room on the second floor is going to be our study room.
My brother didn't like that me as the younger brother "who's starting university life away from home" is going to get the bigger room. Now he think I should stay on his smaller bedroom on the second floor. The problem is that he only said these things to our mother, not to me. He asked her to convince me. He already spoke to her twice and mom said to him that it's up to me to decide.
Today after he talked with our mother about this again (this was the second time), he came home mad (silent mad, didn't say hi or anything to me). Just went to my bedroom (I was at the kitchen) and took his laptop from my table and took to his bedroom (he's not using it lately so he's letting me use it because my desktop stopped working), It was on and I was using it, but didn't said a thing because it is not mine (I didn't know why he was mad at that time). Later in the night he went to our close mutual friends' house (they were at our pool house yesterday and it was such a cool day because we didn't hang with them in months) without telling me or my sister, he just told our mother (who told us hours after he left). Now he's going to sleep there. He knew that I would've accepted to go there if he invited me, but he didn't invite and he probably said to our friends that I didn't want to go.
Now I'm feeling bad. I love my brother, our bond is so strong and he is my best friend. I am thinking about giving my bedroom to him because of this but at the same time I always wanted a good large bedroom to decorate and such (his actual big bedroom is a mess because he doesn't care about it). I didn't like his atittude today and I didn't like that he and my sister didn't give a f**k about me when picking the bedrooms from the construction blueprint (they even made fun of me because I'm staying on the old bedroom). I also thought about him living in the bedroom while I'm at the Uni (I'll probably stay there for more 3 or 4 years). Anyway, AITA?
Well, I didn't think this boring WPP would get that long, sorry!
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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i2kjw1esw7yo5EC74yLs3xfXzITcXjAn
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aofs4x
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{
"description": "trying to convince my gf that her family doesn't love her",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for trying to convince my gf that her family doesn't love her?
|
Obvious throwaway account. Also, this will be very long.
My girlfriend and I have been together for over 4 years. She has a clinical anxiety condition that has prevented her from leading a normal life. As a result, she needed to depend on her mom and sister.
Growing up, my gf didn't realize she had anxiety and this obviously led to a lot of misunderstanding and tension within her family when she would have an episode. Her mom and sister would constantly tell her that she needs to stop being lazy, we all have to do stuff we don't like, you're a burden on us (this one was mostly her sister for reasons I'll get to later), and the like.
Her mom remarried when she was 16 and her and her stepdad didn't get along, to say the least. He's a homophobe (she's bisexual), beat his son growing up, spoiled his daughter to the point of her becoming a very entitled individual, and puts down my gf's mom constantly. If he's ever confronted he gets extremely defensive.
This lead to a huge blow up between he and my gf, resulting in her mom making the 3 of them go to councling. Long story short, they told stepdad he'll need to make some compromises if he wants their relationship to work and he didn't really like that and has done nothing to improve himself or their relationship so my gf left to go live with her dad and sister because she knew she was causing a lot of tension in their marriage and didn't want to cause her mom more heartache.
Her sister then mostly took care of her. She fed her and let her stay with them, even into adulthood. All the while, her sister and dad would tell her how much of a burden she was and that she needed to be an adult now and so on. I entered the picture when she was 22.
We've been together 4 1/2 years now and we're living together and plan on getting married soon. She now understands growing up that her issue wasn't that she was lazy or unwilling, but that she had anxiety. She has been diagnosed by a professional and is taking medication. However, she still has 0 self esteem and a lot of her episodes tend to be about feeling like she's worthless and just a drain on me and society.
I didn't want to come between her and her family but I can't stand seeing her suffer like this. We still see her mom and sister regularly, and they still say those things sometimes. Recently I've been telling her that she was conditioned to feel the way she does because that's what her family would tell her. I've also told her that since her family has made no effort to try and understand her or her condition and apologize for their behavior in the past that they don't love her and never have.
The reason I think that is that during my gf and stepdad's huge blow up he called her a loser and worthless trash. My gf's mom did confront him about this and force him to apologize. Well, I say apologize loosely because the phone call was him basically saying "Well we both said some things and said things we didn't mean and I think we both learned." and left it at that. Apparently that was good enough for my gf's mom because she dropped it thereafter and if my gf ever brings it up (typically during an episode) my gf's mom's response is usually "can't you just get over it, that was years ago.". Not to mention she had slapped my gf a couple times growing up, as did her grandmother, and they'd both say things like "Oh, you made me do this since you couldn't help making me so angry.". My gf's mom has apologized for the hitting but not for not holding the grandmother accountable or blaming my gf for her actions. We can't confront the grandmother directly now because she has alzheimer's and is pretty far gone.
As for her sister, she also slapped my gf a couple of times for basically the same reasons and has never apologized, even when confronted. If my gf ever tries to talk to her sister about her anxiety she shrugs it off because she doesn't really believe in mental illness and has low key told my gf she should stop taking her meds on a number of occasions.
She seems to be accepting what I'm saying, as the last time she blew up at her mom she mentioned the conditioning but kind of glossed over it to get back to her main issue at the time.
I would never tell her she can't see her family and I would never actively try to stop her but I don't think being around them is healthy for her mental state. I've also never expressed my thoughts to her family per my gf's request.
I feel like what I'm doing is for my gf's benefit but at the same time I feel like I'm doing what they did, trying to condition her to feel and think a certain way.
tl;dr My gf's mom and sister treated her poorly in the past and not much has improved and I say that they don't love her because of their lack of trying to understand her and her condition or make amends for past mistakes
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
9ZHGks24iKu3H2M2E7imb94E1pKDNYnk
|
au21gp
|
{
"description": "warning this guy about his date",
"pronormative_score": 95,
"contranormative_score": 199
}
|
AITA for warning this guy about his date
|
I'm a waiter at a sports bar. There's this girl who comes in with a different guy almost every week. Very rarely does she bring the same guy twice, and she's always pulling the same moves with these guys.
She went to the bathroom and I just went over to her date and let him know that his date was here all the time with different guys and he should be careful. He left pretty quickly after that. The girl apparently complained about it, because my boss wrote me up.
AITA for trying to be a bro?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
R6SKIXKzjb08r8wusmN8BwGUOuEdyuK5
|
ayj4co
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my brother",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my brother?
|
Last night my brothers (8 and 6 years old, I am a 15 y/o) were playing simon says, they had asked for me to be simon and I said sure. I was sitting in their gaming chairs in their room, a basketball sized rubber ball in my lap and holding a cup of sparkling red grape juice, which I was drinking while they did the stuff I told them to do (read: I wasn't just holding it.).
​
My 8 year old brother decided it would be funny to kick the ball in my lap, at that same moment I was raising the cup to take a drink from it. When he kicked the ball, it flew up and hit the cup, making me spill sparkling grape juice all over myself and getting it on the carpet. I was sticky and pissed because, not only was i soaked, they'd gotten grape juice all over their cream colored carpet and it was going to stain if we didn't clean it up.
​
I stormed downstairs (not before yelling "This is why I can't have fun with you," they always seem to take things just too far) to tell my mom and changed into dry clothes before going into my brothers room, where they had moved the chairs so my mom could use the carpet cleaner, and said, "This is why you don't kick people when they're holding drinks, especially not grape juice. That stuff stains, (brother name)." I'll admit, I kinda yelled it. I get explosively/violently angry and I was *angry*.
​
Eventually he apologized after I showered to get un-sticky, but when they went to bed my mom pulled me aside and told me off for what I'd said to him and for getting mad at him, she thinks it's just over the grape juice but I'm more angry over the fact that he actually kicked me and thought it was going to end well. She told me that it was my fault for getting grape juice everywhere and that I shouldn't have been holding the cup, even though I was actively drinking from it while playing.
​
Nothing of mine was stained, I was wearing black, and none of the carpet was stained either. I was just angry. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
9MgmTSUGoWw9td0jnwmMYz8fUfqPcraF
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avn536
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{
"description": "questioning what my money will get me at an open bar",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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}
|
AITA for questioning what my money will get me at an open bar
|
Throwaway account and on mobile. Apologies. Not going specific in case they browse reddit? But happy to answer any questions.
Basically I have a friend who is throwing a birthday party for herself. Rather than invite people to a bar she is having everyone pitch in to get a private room at a bar with pool and giant Jenga and pay for an open bar - that only lasts 3 hours and has restrictions on drinks (like no shots and only miller and bud for beer) Originally she said 30$ a person, now she is coming back and say 40$ a person. I had texted her the other day asking if DD’s still had to pay the same fee and that if I did drink it’d be one drink as I am still breastfeeding and don’t want to pump and dump. She said she wasn’t sure and would get back to me today. Well it’s the end of the day and no word, there was a post on the page for her event (where she invited over 100 people) and it said the new total, so I asked “does that include tax and gratuity”
Answer with: “Yes”
I had checked the website the day before and it said they will only serve one drink per person at a time and no shots are served. So I wanted to clarify and I asked “but no shots and only one drink at a time?” I asked this because it had never been mentioned once on the event page and I have a right to know what I’m getting if I’m going to spend that kind of money. I was met with a barrage of “40$ is great for an open bar, thanks so much *friends name*”
And then finally someone telling me “you don’t have to get the deal” (which should be mentioned on the event - don’t ya think?) and “you can just get an Uber, you don’t have to DD it’s not that serious”
To which I replied “well I’m breastfeeding my baby. So”
Then my friend deleted all my comments and sent me text messages telling me to calm down, that her party isn’t about me, that I was complaining and being rude and that I should’ve texted her and asked my questions.
I think people have the right to know exactly what their money will get them - especially if it’s 40$ for 3 hours only.. and no shots! But my friend never mentioned specifics on the event- just wants everyone to bring 40$ cash and give it to her and then they can all “have a great time”
I’m happy to share screen shots if needed in the morning and any more info needed but that’s the basics. So AMITA for questioning what my money gets me ??
Edit: people seem to be getting side tracked in the comments. I didn’t ask if I should go or not- this isn’t a discussion on my attendance. I was curious if asking for more details about what’s included in the 40$ fee publicly made me an asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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QlQr5uyD2sR5c1l5C3qCXCqXPYOh7fop
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b7izga
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{
"description": "blocking my best mate",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for blocking my best mate
|
Found this sub on accident figure its good place for this story.
TLDR: Best mates not GF spammed group chat. I called her out on her behaviour and left, she spams me in dms i block her. She spams
Me on my mates number so i block his number too.
So me and my mate have been friends for nearly 10 years. We traveled half way across the world together and are planning a trip to vegas to celebrate both of us turning 21 (though it is mainly for him).
A few months ago he signed up to tinder and met this girl. And on the third day of meeting she told him she would fuck him if not for her period. My friend being a virgin was very keen on that and the following sunday popped his cherry. That when shit turned bad.
His GF used sex over him every time to get her way. And it was painfully obvious. Even after confronting my mate and telling him he’s whipped and being used he outright denied it.
Flashford a bit and they both decide they jumped into sex a bit too quick and are now not going out but regressed to “dating”.
That leads to last night. After having a night out my mate (along with his now-not-gf-but-just-dating-friend) pick us up and take us to get mcflurries cause the not-gf wanted them. Whatever fine. The not-GF also wanted to go out of the city for a drive. I did not want that and neither did the other person in the car but my mate still went and took us to the middle of butt-fuck nowhere for 15 minutes before driving back to drop us off. (Context it was 12am i just wanted to go home and sleep).
Anyway just now in our groupchat his not GF started spamming the group asking if we wanted to go nandos. When no one replied a barrage of “?” Hit the group chat. I called her out on her childish behaviour and as she started spamming different punctuation i left the group. She then started texting me so i block her too.
SHE THEN STARTS SPAMMING ME ON MY BEST MATES NUMBER.
Like WTF how petty are you? So i muted him at first but then after she sent a text saying she’ll continue unless i unblock her og number i just blocked my best mate too.
Dunno how she’s going to spin this story on me but was I the asshole for blocking my best mate of 10 years cause of his not gf but gf being a bitch?”
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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DQvQVUiiV1x8gqaTsR6KdjtzSbSeeLMg
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aksm0k
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{
"description": "not wanting my MIL to move in with us to get weight loss surgery she got denied for in Puerto Rico",
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|
AITA for not wanting my MIL to move in with us to get weight loss surgery she got denied for in Puerto Rico
|
Let me start of by saying sorry for just overall bad writing. I tend to leave words out of sentences so I’m sorry about that
A little backstory about this situation, my mother-in-law has been trying to get this surgery to help her with weight loss. She tried to get where she lives in Puerto Rico but was denied because the doctors felt that she could loss the weight on her own.
This part has noting to with the situation at the moment but I feel it will come to play if we do officially tell her no. So my wife and I fell onto some hard times, my wife and decided to move to Puerto Rico to live with her family so we wouldn’t be in the streets. We first stay at her fathers house who after 3 months kicked us out for God’s knows what reason so we had to go stay with her mother.
Everything was fine at first, my wife had to be the translator because she didn’t speak English and the only Spanish I know are body parts and curse words. I would try to help around the house but she was very picky on how stuff was to be done. I would often see her complain to my wife on how I did something wrong and she or my wife had to fix it. Since I couldn’t directly talk to her my wife and I just decided when she’s in the house she’d do most of the chores and when she left for work I would then help. Since we started to that everything got done but it seemed like I wasn’t helping at all and my wife would try to tell her I did but she thought she was just covering for me. Fast forward a few months things had gotten so bad she told my wife maybe it was best to take my moms offer to go back to the Illinois to stay with her until I can get a place. So I said yes to my mom and left.
It was the most heartbreaking thing I’ve ever done and just the thought of look on my wife’s face is bringing tears to my eyes now. I’m not a super emotional person but being away form her for a month had me crying before bed every night. My wife didn’t take it well either, she became very depressed. Her mother was not supportive at all and failed to understand why she was so hurt. Yeah we were apart only for a month but at the time we didn’t know how long it would take before we could afford for her to get plane ticket.
During that month there was two instances where her mother tried to get her to talk to other guys. The first time she was at a grocery store some guy had made a comment about my wife I guess stating her was interested in her. Her mother then offered to give her number to him. She was pissed, declined and said she was married. The next time happened at a Chinese restaurant they had been going to forever. When they were paying for the the food her mother asked “ are you interested in her and if want her number you should go ask her yourself.
Fast forward a bit. This is when her ex boyfriend comes into this situation I’ve nicknamed name drake because based on a conversation my wife had with him sounded exactly like the lyrics from Marvin’s room by drake
We are doing better now living on our own. Her mother then tells her that she contacted her ex boyfriend and she had told him that she missed him being her son in law. she rather have him be with my wife because she could understand him, that he comes from a good family and that he’d help her more and she wouldn’t be struggling by herself. I have to add she judges are whole relationship from those few months we stayed with her and the fact my wife doesn’t feel that she needs to tell her everything about our lives. So she doesn’t know everything I’ve done and am doing. This guy that is so great had cheated on her with a long time friend and after he told her he was offended that she didn’t want him hanging out with her anymore.
So basically I don’t want My Mother in law to live with us while she tries to get weight loss surgery and then would have to continue to stay while she recovered. The reasoning is because she is very difficult and I don’t want someone who doesn’t respect my marriage to be staying with me that I would basically have to provide everything for because she wouldn’t be able to work and is terrible at saving money so she wouldn’t have any when she came
AITA because I technically would owe her because of what she has done for us
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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aw98sv
|
{
"description": "lying to my friends about them not being able to come over anymore",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For lying to my friends about them not being able to come over anymore
|
So a little background, I’m 16 and my dad lives in a nice house and behind it is a guest house. I have the guest house all to myself and so I always have friends over. Well, some of my friends always seem to want to get high or drunk or whatever just because they can. I’ve allowed it a few times because I wanted to smoke with them. Well, I’m quitting smoking and they still want to smoke at my house so I told them they couldn’t come over anymore because my dad doesn’t trust them. Not to mention they are not very “chill” and are always super hyper. Does this make me an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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jhuaW6HXtVZMS8t418c4sPud1nFMBEMR
|
ac2rsv
|
{
"description": "giving little sympathy for someone who throws pity parties all the time",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for giving little sympathy for someone who throws pity parties all the time?
|
My sisters boyfriend constantly comes over with something wrong. He always has headaches or something. I don’t give him attention or sympathy. He just sits there on coach either asleep or curled in a ball. Also
my sister seems to drop everything to help him. Sometimes I feel like I am being a jerk because I find it annoying. I’ve felt my share of pain, yet I don’t really care.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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S0IoCt8nhY6nqrpeA3AA7SxKt2x0ZSYA
|
a7s4pw
|
{
"description": "telling off my sister",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Telling Off My Sister?
|
I have a younger sister who essentially has never had to work for anything in her life. She’s going to an extremely expensive university and does not have a job because my mom sends her money. All she does with her life is go to her classes (which are all music classes since she is a vocal performance major, not the it really matters) and hang out with her friends.
I on the other hand have not been as lucky. I have a multitude of mental illnesses such as bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder while also having crohn’s disease. I attend a community college while also working full time to keep myself afloat. I never really have time to relax as my entire life is split between school and work.
Anyways, today my sister, who is back at my mom and I’s house for the holidays, made a comment about how much it sucks that I’m going to a community college instead of being able to enjoy the college experience. She said this in a very condescending way and I snapped. I yelled at her about how she’s extremely entitled and has always had everything handed to her on a silver platter and that not everyone is as lucky as her. I told her that she needed to get over her superiority complex and to enjoy her time now before the real world gives her an extremely harsh awakening.
My mother yelled at me for my response and while I’m not one to snap at people, but I don’t really feel guilty for what I said. I guess I was just wondering if i was justified or if me snapping at her was me just being an asshole.
I apologize for any formatting as I’m on mobile!
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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CTtCTp05u0GO9ZcAlnn9ziogarcmxN2p
|
aa6qn5
|
{
"description": "getting pissed at my husband for repeatedly bringing up his inability to drink after he told me he would stop",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting pissed at my husband for repeatedly bringing up his inability to drink after he told me he would stop?
|
Apologies in advance for the length, but I think it's important to have some backstory with this... (Also for formatting, I'm on mobile).
So, as long as I've known him, my husband has been a heavy drinker. I always saw it that as long as it doesn't impact his health or our relationship, I can deal with it because I love him dearly.
A few years ago, not long after we got married, I found him trying to flirt/ dirty talk with a old coworker through Facebook when he was heavily intoxicated. We got into a massive arguement, and he offered to stop drinking to prove it was a one time thing, and he wouldn't do it again. I agreed, and he stopped drinking for a while, but over a year/ few months the alcohol slowly started creeping back in until he was back to his old drinking habits.
Then, a few months ago, I found he had been speaking to other women online (including saying he was single and getting nudes from them) when he was heavily intoxicated (he drank a bottle of vodka at home in the middle of the day when he was off work).
I lost it, I got a hotel room for the night, and was planning to leave him, and then he went to hospital that night because he tried to kill himself. He admitted he had been battling severe mental illness (Borderline/ Schizophrenia) and had been using alcohol to control his issues because he was scared of getting any real treatment.
I agreed to give him a chance, but he had to stop drinking, and he had to seek proper therapy. It's been a few months now, and he's on medication and has started seeing a Psych to get a proper/ more recent diagnosis. He hasn't started drinking again, BUT, he clearly wants to - this is where the AITA question comes up.....
At least once a week (sometimes daily) he makes a comment about how "I could do this if I could drink", or "this would be so much easier if I could have a drink", and it's starting to drive me to resent him. I know it must be frustrating to not be able to have a beer with his friends, but it just feels like he is constantly finding reasons to bring the topic up. I've called his bluff before and told hi m to go drink if that's what he really wants, but he told me 'that's not what he wants, and he's just saying what's on his mind'.
So, Reddit, AITA for getting pissed off at my husband for repeatedly bringing up the fact he can't drink?
TL;DR: my husband and I nearly broke up due to his infidelity when drinking, he told me he would stop drinking to prove he was getting better and would be faithful. Now he regularly makes comments about how he can't drink, which makes me fee guilty and frustrated, and causes me to lash out - AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
kEq6LZxq4S3LYa0epPLxN4RRjbYXHPRV
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ak299v
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{
"description": "asking my mom for respect",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for asking my mom for respect?
|
I'm a 21 year old female living with her parents. My relationship with my mother isn't good due to our vastly different personalities, she is very loud and stuff while I'm in the quiet side like my dad. My mom likes to announce every single thing she does while I just do it without making a big fuss about it, be it greeting other people, doing chores around the house, etc. Worth to mention that her whole family is like this and I'm also not on good terms with them because of these reasons but also worse stuff.
Yesterday we went to my nanny's house. She's pretty sick atm so I proposed to go and I brought some fruits and money for her medical needs. She lives with her daughter and her kids so when we got there I went and greeted all of them, just a simple "Hey [redacted] *hugs*" I did this with every person in the house, cause basic manners and I'm pretty close with the family.
When we got to my nanny's room, my mother announced why we were there while simultaneously asking everyone if I had say hi to then " *Did Frisk greet you? She never greets anyone, don't know what I did wrong while rising her* " Repeat this for almost 7 people looking extremely uncomfortable.
At the end of the visit, my parents were already outside nanny's room while I gave her the money inside an envelope, as discreet as possible cause I know she hates getting money "that she didn't work for". When I got out my parents were outside the house and my mother screamed *DID YOU GIVE HER THE MONEY?* I think that every single person in the block heard it and I was so embarrassed and upset because she made such a trashy action in a pretty sensible moment. She also did the *Did Frisk say goodbye to you?* for every single person in the house, again.
It's not the first time she does this, but it was so upsetting this time because I feel she ruined a quiet and special visit with someone I truly care about.
When we got home I told her that I felt terrible because she was always treating me like a child and also making a big fuss over every single thing I did or didn't do and she just said " Well, you're always silent with everything you do and I have to make sure you're behaving correctly." ??? What? Then I told her that just because I wasn't loud as her and her whole family doesn't mean I'm not doing what I'm supposed to, that there's no need for me to be loud about things and that I've always been quiet, that I just couldn't understand why she was so obsessed with me being like her family, that it wasn't gonna happen and that I was glad I have no ties to such a terrible family (I am adopted) Then she said a lot of stuff surrounding my "hate" towards her family and that if I'm against her family, I'm also against her.
She hasn't talked to me since last night and I feel that I did nothing wrong, but my dad told me that it was disrespectful of me talking to my mother like that. So that's my question, AITA?
TL;DR My mother treats me like a child and expects me to act like her and her family, situation escalates to me telling her that's not gonna happen. Hurt feelings ensues.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
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as1s2t
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{
"description": "not marrying him over his hair",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA For not marrying him over his hair?
|
This is a throwaway obviously...
​
To add some background I have been with a guy, from here on out we will call him G, for 6+ years now. During the 6 years I have caught him cheating through facebook, sexting and sending nudes while requesting them. Now stupid me stayed with him and kept falling for the whole "It will never happen again." About 4 cheats ago, he swore to me that he would cut his hair off if he ever cheated again. He LOVES his hair, it is about elbow length and I never had an issue with it. In fact I like guys with longer hair and have dated many who have had longer hair then me, so the hair itself is not the issue here. Well you guessed it, he continued to cheat, the last time proving that he went out and had a gf for 8 months that he would visit when he was suppose to be at work.
​
It took a very long time and a lot of trust talks to get back to normal with us. I now have full access to his stuff and I will admit, I do trust him again in this sense. You may say that's stupid and I would agree with you, but I do. Now the issue is at hand we have talked about marriage, he even purchased rings for us, but for the last 3 days we have been in a nonstop fight because of his hair. He never cut if off when it was discovered once again he cheated. I told him unless he cut his hair I would not agree to marry him because it is the last symbol to me of a broken promise of faithfulness and breaking his word. Mind you I told him he could grow it back if he wanted but he needed to complete his act. He refuses. Not only does he refuse to do this but he calls me vein and ridiculous that I won't marry him over his hair and that he simply cannot do it. I have literally told him that not only would I not marry him but it has gotten to the point that the fact he would rather not marry me and keep his hair shows me he could careless about me in general and that I would leave him over his fact. I mean honestly, it is hair, who keeps it over the person they want to spend their life with, but G made it clear he will never cut his hair even if I move out and leave him officially.
​
G's friends all think I am an asshole over this, that how dare I force someone to cut their hair but again, it symbolizes that not only did he cheat on me but also cheated and broke his word that he would do it if he cheated again. How can I enter a marriage with someone who has permanent proof that he won't keep his word? How can I marry someone who is ok with me leaving him if it means he never has to cut his hair?
​
So, AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
WRONG
|
cAp4hcUJmrHDYg3mkQmSuocvMXbnyjaN
|
amtg3v
|
{
"description": "thinking about not apologizing to my friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for thinking about not apologizing to my friend?
|
This is really long but I wanted to put as much info as possible:
University has been very busy for me, but I try to make time for my friends when the schedule fits. Sometimes I have to postpone a hangout to a later hour or reschedule for a different date, but majority of my friends understand as we have work, school, studying, etc. I've also been helping my best friend move out of my house into his own place as soon as possible.
One of my friends I've known since freshman year of high school asked to hang out on a Saturday. I said sure, and I was excited because I haven't seen her in a while. I can say that we're quite close, because I would walk past her house, text her if she's home, and if she was she'd open the door a minute later and invite me inside. Anyway, on the Saturday we were supposed to hang out, she says she can't. That's fine with me, I needed to study that night.
The next morning I'm at work and my best friend tells me that his house was ready for him to finally move into and so around lunch time, I message her if we can move it to a later hour. The response I got wasn't what I expected. She was upset and said "nevermind, i'm going to do some homework." I realized that she was upset, and so I thought I'll give her some space and not text back.
The next day she messages me and says "you really hurt my feelings after not hanging out with me yesterday." I told her that I did text her if we can move it to a later hour of the day and that I would have hung out with her all night. This led to her saying that she really wanted to hang out and she said she "guessed that i didn't feel the same way." I was shocked and I told her to not jump to conclusions because that's not how I felt. She then emphasizes the time we were supposed to hang out, and said I pushed our plans out of the way, and then out of nowhere asks me if i don't like being friends with her anymore. I told her that's not why, and that i already told her my reason of pushing it to a later hour and that there was no hidden or underlying meaning in my words.
She asks me "Why do i feel sad then?" I tell her I don't know why and only she knows. She then tells me she feels like I'm unreliable and that I was more reliable. ??? I asked her in what ways can i improve and why was it upsetting that I postponed our hangout even though moving his things would only take 2 hours. She said she felt so alone and that no one wants to talk to her. I said that's not true, you have your online friends that you've even visited out of state and you skype with them every week. I also said that if she wanted to start making friends, why doesn't she try joining clubs at our university like I did because that's how I made more friends. She responded with how she doesn't want to make acquaintances, she wants friends (but acquaintances are a possible start to a friendship???) and that a friend is someone to count on and she was disappointed in me.
I told her I was upset and I didn't want to say anything irrational and wanted to step out of the conversation. She just replied with ok. It's been a week and she finally messages me and says she's still upset but wants me to apologize because i'm "not just a friend, but family."
I feel like there is nothing to apologize for. I communicated with her clearly with why I was postponing our hangout. I find it hypocritical she was upset at me when we didn't even hang out on the original day we were supposed to.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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9wmm6k
|
{
"description": "getting fed up when my girlfriend asks questions that can be easily googled",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for getting fed up when my girlfriend asks questions that can be easily googled?
|
So many times each day I'm asked questions that the answer is found very easily with a quick google. Most of the time I see the question and don't know the answer so I decide to Google it and basically type out word for word the answer to her. I've brought it up to her but she always gets mad, especially if I'm occupied and can't be bothered to figure out the answer so I say "just Google it."
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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WRONG
|
EdaVj2e5Y972pZrhQ3jgTf1aDP9XF7zJ
|
b4qur6
|
{
"description": "not letting my bf have a game room",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not letting my bf have a game room?
|
My bf and I live together in my mom’s old house. She moved 3 hours away for work and let us move in. It’s still technically her house though. There’s an extra room that is set up as a guest room. My bf wants to turn it into a game room. I’m against it. My mom visits usually once a month and stays in there. When I asked him why he can’t just keep his game stuff in the living room he said that the whole house feels like mine and he just wants a space that’s his.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
bj6UF0VDAcavl4ZcX2YDzB15xyFKh5wI
|
awyrn8
|
{
"description": "making my soccer teammate throw up",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for making my soccer teammate throw up?
|
Alright, let me try to repair some of the damage the title already did to my case. I'm a captain of my high school soccer team, and during the offseason, I'm responsible for running practices for the people who are interested in staying in shape and getting to know the team. The practices have been going well for months, until this one kid shows up.
Let's call him Stu. Stu is a sophomore, and all of a sudden he wants to join the team. The first practice that he's there, he really just stands there and laughs, runs into people, kicks balls across the road, and tries to steal our training equipment by shoving it into his bag while giggling to himself. In other words, it's clear to me and everyone else that he's extremely high. Now, I have nothing against people smoking weed, but it's a little irritating for all of us when we're trying to run a practice for competitive varsity hopefuls, and he can't be bothered to put in an effort. I politely tell him this at the end of the first practice, and ask him to come back sober next time if he'd like to keep working with us.
The following weekend, he's back, and things seem fine for a while. He's able to run some drills for a bit, and it turns out he might be good enough to be second string goalie for our JV team. But after around forty minutes, he goes back into zoink mode and he seems even worse than last weekend. One of my teammates tells me that this time he ate a bunch of edibles before practice so that he could mess with me and the other captain, who helped convince me to talk to him the previous time. I get the brilliant idea to make the team run a hard-ass conditioning drill, just to see how strong his stomach is. Sure enough, we're only four laps in before he's puking over by the water fountains.
I feel bad, but he didn't get hurt, succeeded in entertaining his teammates, and has now stopped coming to practices altogether.
TLDR: A teammate showed up to a few of my self-organized practices high, and was very disruptive. I had the team run laps, knowing that his edibles might make him sick. Needless to say, I was correct.
Reddit, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
bqF3X43vvvil51yTQkgn3h7Rtp2nVsB5
|
b4t5vt
|
{
"description": "cancelling an AirBnB 26 days before the reservation date",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for cancelling an AirBnB 26 days before the reservation date?
|
Here's the verbatim conversation between the HOST and ME:
​
\-----
Hi HOST!
Unfortunately I've had to cancel my trip and I'm no longer in need of accomodation. Is there any way I'd be able to get more of a refund?
If not, I totally understand! Thanks!
\- ME
\-----
HOST:
Yeah I will give you your money back even though I purposely put strict because of people like you who book my place, then cancel, then expect all their money back without any regard to the fact I could have had someone else book my room.
Oh well, just dont ever book with me again.
Air BnBrs can be such low class people.
Drink all my coffee but cant even bother to write a review....
Make a reservation then want all your money back....
Yuk.
If it weren't for the classy nice people on Airbnb I would surely quit.
So, dont ever book with me again.
\-----
​
Additional context:
HOST clearly had a "strict reservation policy" (50% max refund for cancellation) and I was aware of that; I was ready to lose that 50% (on top of the flight and class I'd booked).
I cancelled today within a couple hours of realizing I had to change my plans.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
LBEgdJ8mePsa0XoqvoJ1ElpIMavjcMRu
|
atks5v
|
{
"description": "asking my roomate to kick out their sick uncle",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my roomate to kick out their sick uncle?
|
Read everything for full context:
Here's the deal: Me and my wife room with another couple and we have a 4bedroom house. It's great and we have great synergy with them so it's a very ideal situation for us.
Roomates uncle is in town and ends up in the hospital while he's here. Long story short, he can't fly home until he's off of oxygen. So roomates ask if he can stay a few days in their spare bedroom. Obviously we say yes. This is no big and is the right thing to do.
Day uncle arrives from hospital shows up and me and my wife help tidy up and what not. I'm actually excited to meet this guy. But an hour before they arrive, they drop the bomb on us:
He's actually probably going to be here for a few months.
Now I like to think I'm reasonable but I don't know this man, and I don't think he'll be great having around that long. All his stuff he packed came in trash bags and a stuffed pillow case, so how is he even going to last that long without more help? He's not an awful person but 3-4 months?
WIBTA if I told my roomates that was too much? I feel like it would be a dick move but I need clarity on that.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
VV6YZtIX36PblVDIQpeINLrn37Vgaopj
|
b0xbyd
|
{
"description": "not wanting a part in my child's life",
"pronormative_score": 104,
"contranormative_score": 103
}
|
AITA for not wanting a part in my child's life?
|
7 years ago I impregnated my girlfriend at the time. I have never wanted children in my life so I offered to pay for an abortion. She wanted to have the child. We stayed together for about 4 months after that and then we broke up. I offered to pay for child support and we got something settled through the courts. Never missed a payment since then.
Since then I have had no contact with our daughter and have not been interested in it. The closest I have to a relationship with her is sending her a gift for her birthday through her mother with instructions that it's from her and not someone else. About 3 days ago I got a call from my ex that she would like the to meet our daughter. I told her I'm not interested and to please not contact me about that again.
Frankly I don't know if the kid is the one that put my ex to it by asking about me or if my ex is the one trying to arrange it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
STDnacGMuADe5Wq9oPteCwhqZ284uwNU
|
b3gidt
| null |
AITA for reaction to MIL?
|
My wife (W) & I have an 8 month old son (B). He's our first, & the first grandkid for W's parents.
W is an artist and has returned to work already. Not a financial decision, my income would more than enough to support us.
MIL is retired & has volunteered to watch the B regularly. The schedule varies but I'd estimate MIL watches the B 2x a week for 3-5 hours a time. We appreciate her help, & tell her so.
B can now crawl, & gaining speed daily.
Yesterday, W came home from work, MIL was Babysitting. When W arrived home the door was unlocked & as she walked in the door she could hear from the 2nd floor that the vacuum was running. She went down the hall & could see into the living room, where the B is sitting in the middle of the room playing with a toy, our 70 lb dog laying on the couch about 5 feet away.
W sat with the B for what she estimates was 3-4 minutes, then MIL turned off the vacuum & came down.
W was stunned, & didn't know what to say. W asked MIL what she had been doing, & MIL replied that she had gone upstairs to get the B some socks. When pressed about why the vacuum was running she said that she had noticed that the carpet upstairs could use a vacuum, MIL saw hair in the carpet as a choking hazard. W told MIL that we don't leave the B alone with the dog, you never know what could happen even with a pet you trust. MIL agreed that her action wasn't a good idea, but defended her actions saying she had only gone upstairs for a minute.
Later W relayed this story to me. W wasn't quite sure how to deal with the situation. W felt that the dog being in the room was only 1 reason why it isnt safe to leave B alone, especially if you can't hear what is happening because a vacuum is on.
W called MIL later that evening to voice our full concerns. MIL got upset. More sad than angry, but her side was "give me some credit, I already raised 2 of my own children, I wouldn't leave him in any danger & I was only gone for literally a minute". W reiterated that we appreciate the support & we know she is capable of Babysitting or we wouldnt have her do it. W changed the way she was explaining our it, moving away from "this is something obviously dangerous that should not be done" to "we are his parents, it's our choice & we would like all caregivers, MIL & any other family member to respect it.
MIL agreed, but out of respect for our choice, not recognition that what she did was dangerous. She's strong willed & has ignored our instructions on smaller issues. The conversation did end with her agreeing to follow our wishes, she thinks we are being too hard on her & should appreciate her more. She didn't come out & call us TA, but gave that vibe.
W feels guilty & feels that maybe we are being too hard on her, with all the stuff MIL has going on in her own life (dealing with the death of her father about 6 weeks ago). I feel like W was clear & concise, & is simply being a parent looking out for the safety of her kid.
AWTA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
uYQTbL5VAq3kKZwOFFZk2IjhnpW4b0SV
|
b2pq52
|
{
"description": "wanting to date a trans guy against my dads wishes",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to date a trans guy against my dads wishes?
|
Im female and im pretty sure im straight. When I met the guy in question I didnt know he was trans until he told me but by then I already liked him. We're not dating right now or anything but he's my best friend and I only see him as a guy. I accidentally told my dad today and he went off at me even for the idea. He called me a lesbian and said that it would never work out and that I won't be happy. He said that I always find weird and disabled people to be friends with and that I need to grow up. He said if I eventually dated this guy he'd never meet him or want him in the house or anything. He called me selfish and said I was an embarrassment. I'm Christian and sometimes I already worry about dating this guy in the future because I get so confused about things. I don't think I'm a lesbian because ive never liked girls like that but I feel really confused and guilty right now. I feel alone and there's no one I can ask about this matter. I don't hate anyone from the LGBT community and I disagree with the Christians that do, but I have anxiety and it constantly tells me that I'm bad and going to Hell so I get really confused about this situation. I'm really depressed and scared right now. I don't want to lose a relationship with either my best friend or my parents
AITA and is my dad just looking out for me? Would it be selfish of me to date this guy in the future?
Sorry if this is the wrong place to post this. I'm kinda new to Reddit
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
Ikgb9De9MHDgHDk2MYaoPaVr5W8vMdxi
|
9zva56
|
{
"description": "telling my friend that there's no point in arguing with him because he's so entitled to his own opinion that he doesn't care about anyone else's",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my friend that there's no point in arguing with him because he's so entitled to his own opinion that he doesn't care about anyone else's?
|
Hi.
​
My friend, we'll call him Jason, is a very kind person with a good sense of humor. He and I like to play video games together, along with our big group of friends who play games too, so we all have a big group chat to talk about our games. However, whenever somebody has a different opinion than him about things (like the video games for instance) he has to argue with them because he always thinks he knows everything or that he's always right. Our other friends noticed this too and don't like the attitude much either. Jason and I have had many disagreements and this sense of entitlement always comes back, and I guess this last one was the final straw for me.
​
What started this disagreement was pretty darn stupid, so that's why I didn't bother with it much. Well, what happened was that my phone broke, so I figured maybe I'd ask if he wanted to come with me to get a new phone then we could grab lunch after. So I texted him on my Mac (there's a messaging app there) and this was our conversation. For the record, like many people, I use and purchase Apple products, while he uses Android products, which is fine, I really couldn't care less what he preferred, it's just a phone. But that wasn't the case for him. I didn't want to upload a billion screenshots so I'll type it word for word on here.
​
Jason: I'm wondering. Why do u even use apple products, apple is shit. Just get an android
Me: Meh. I like Apple products because I guess it's just easier for me, I suck with technology, lol
Jason: But why do u wanna waste all your money on stuff that doesn't even work even though it's easy to use
Me: My personal preference is iPhones/Apple products, it's what I've always used so I just stick with it
Jason: Why do so many people complain about their iPhones breaking all the time then? With my android, u never have to worry about that stuff, there's a reason why there's less people complaining about their android than their iphone
Me: Well, you can believe what you want, I know there's no use in arguing with you
Jason: What do u mean there's no reason arguing with me, just come up with a valid point. I already have Kevin (our other friend) saying stuff like that, and that's already fucking irritating. Stop making me look like an idiot
Me: I'm sorry you feel that way. Allow me to explain, I feel that whenever we do not share the same opinion about things, no matter what it is, that you give off the impression that your opinion is always the right one and that there's no validity to my opinion. It's hard to discuss something when you're so entitled to your own opinion that mine is just falling on deaf ears.
Me: And honestly, I always brush it off/don't even bother, because I already know the outcome. That's just how I feel.
Me: Maybe you think of the situation differently, I'm just speaking from my perspective and how I feel about it.
Jason: So u are saying that u feel that I think I know what I'm talking about when we are discussing something. I'm giving my point of view, it's not that I'm psychotic, I can negotiate too
Jason: And again maybe u think of it differently or I'm forgetting something, but either way I know how to discuss, and I like to post my arguments first. I do read what you write, just putting this out there
Me: Fair enough. Perhaps that's your intentions, but your execution gives off way different vibes. And I'm not the only one who thinks that
Jason: I'll just be more quiet then about things, problem solved. No other analyzing, just what I said
Me: I was not saying your opinion doesn't matter, or that you should be quiet. I'm saying you should consider how you word your thinking. I like to hear what you think about things, don't get me wrong. It's about your execution of how you express that opinion is what gives off the condescending attitude. And I'm not trying to scold you or tell you how to act, you asked for what I meant so I'm giving you my answer
Jason: No i meant what I said. I'll just be more quiet, that's why I told u not to overanalyze it
Me: That's not going to solve the issue at hand, but to each their own. Our friends and myself appreciate you talking to us, and again, I never said that you had to be quiet.
​
I don't think he understood my point. I didn't tell him he had to keep quiet or that his opinion didn't matter. My point was that the *execution* in which he chooses to *express* his opinion is the problem, not the opinion itself.
​
So am I the asshole for addressing my friend's over inflated sense of entitlement? I brought it up in that moment not because of the dumb iPhone crap, but because the whole "my opinion is the only right one" has been bothering me and others for awhile now, and he probably didn't even realize it because nobody calls him out for it. And if I am the asshole, in what ways should I have worded my thinking differently?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
0QL0Fn03233ZO68iCkshgYZr2Y0rExxA
|
b2ojtl
|
{
"description": "not inviting my friend to a vacation",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I didn't invite my friend to a vacation?
|
Some buddies and one of their families and I went on a spring break trip recently and one of my other friends did not get invited and was kind of bummed out. It was not a "you cannot go" reason because it came down to space as we were driving about eight hours. Friend A (whom invited us and parents were driving), Friend B and Friend C and I all got to talking about what to do next spring break and we're thinking about a cruise. I asked if we should invite anyone else and Friend A immediately knew who I was asking in reference to. A said, "I'd be fine with it but you guys are together a lot, would you be willing to?" and I realized it was true. With some friends at college, we (myself and friend D who wasn't invited) were together a lot including school and the gym. He really doesn't go out on his own and refuses to hang out with others unless I'm going or I invite him. Looking back now I sometimes invited him to get him out because he wouldn't otherwise, but I don't want to force my other friends to have to put up with him on a vacation just because I'm afraid of his reaction if I weren't to invite him. I also wouldn't know how to tell him. Yes, he is friends with the other group, but not as close as I am to them. We also are all ok with keeping the group as small as possible to keep things simple as more people complicates things. So WIBTA for not inviting my friend to a trip with my other buddies?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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}
|
RIGHT
|
eJvYKHjLfQYDpB2fDRGnTCVtgL9x31bd
|
a4pcw2
|
{
"description": "\"ruinining\" two events in a row",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for "ruinining" two events in a row?
|
To understand where I'm coming from here, I'm gonna need to tell you a bit about myself, so here goes:
I'm a girl under 20 with rather low self esteem, REALLY socially awkward and tend to get emotional very quickly. Great combination, I know.
This usually leads me into relationships that aren't exactly what you'd call healthy; my last one especially. I met the guy in a video game and his very chill demeanor was seemingly perfect for me, since my past relationship with what was basically a typical ragekiddo had not been ideal (massive surprise there).
After weeks of trying to be as obvious as possible, I finally decided to just tell him and ... oh dear. Almost a panic attack. He then told me about how he had depression, which has never been treated (even though he told his family about it, they just kinda brushed it off). I did really like the guy though, so I thought I'd be able to handle it. Big Mistake. I tried my hardest; read up on how to support a partner with depression and such. Told him to go to get a diagnosis, that he wasn't alone, etc. Unfortunately, that didn't stop his feelings for me from numbing after less than a month. He basically told me that he just "saw me as a friend" and that he'd more or less been using me for nudes for some time. Needless to say, I was crushed. I was trying so hard to be there for him, but it all amounted to nothing in the end. Combine that with my wonderful sense of self-worth, and you've got yourself a girl that's basically crying for 3 days straight and telling herself that even if she tries her best, she'll never be good enough.
​
As luck would have it, he did this RIGHT BEFORE two events were taking place - the first one being going out to a restaurant with family friends; the second one the following day: grandma's birthday brunch. Neither went too well.
The first night, I just ended up asking my dad to drive me home early; right after our friends arrived (they were late since they had locked themselves out of their flat). Seen as my mood was honestly terrible, he obliged. I really didn't want to ruin it for everybody by constantly being on the verge of crying.
The brunch was a lot worse, since they couldn't really justify letting me off early for some reason. After a question by a relative of mine got me thinking my horribly failed relationship attempt, my eyes started watering again (entirely not their fault, the question wasn't even about relationships and nobody apart from me knew what was going on).
My mother then just told me that "if I couldn't hold it in, I should just leave". Fine by me; I didn't want everyone else to be sad too. So I went to a room upstairs and tried to do some maths while tears were still clouding my vision. After about 20 minutes, my mother decided that she finally wanted to know what was going on. After telling her what had happened, all she could muster was "oh. well, that's difficult" and a hug. The hug was comforting, at least. However, she quickly switched from that to telling me how selfish I was, that I wasn't the center of the world and that I "didn't care about all those people downstairs that wanted to know how I was doing". (If you're as confused as I am about how she jumped to that conclusion, we're in the same boat.) I just told her that I did in fact care about them, but that I really wasn't feeling well at that time. She left me alone after that, until it was time to go home.
​
She later told me that I needed to learn to just "put on a fake smile and deal with it" and how I had, at least partially, ruined both of those events for everyone else.
I mean, I do feel bad, since neither the family friends nor my relatives were the ones that hurt me. I can also accept that it was me that ruined the mood.
However, am I really being that selfish here?
As I've said before, I've always had problems controlling my emotions well. And the way my Ex transitioned from loving and caring to "you're nothing more than a friend" within the span of a few days hit me REALLY hard. Not going was also not an option, since my parents basically forced me to come along.
I just... I don't know.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
DZd5zoOjzOB4JgpwgYxNrkWMxAHGVrcW
|
ao8zac
|
{
"description": "being mad that my boyfriend doesn't give me gifts",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For being mad that my boyfriend doesn't give me gifts?
|
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 4 years, and this past year he gave me my birthday present 2 months late and did not get me a Christmas present. I am not materialistic, I would be happy if he made me a nice dinner (we both love to cook) or we just went out on a nice date of something I like to do like dancing or watching some classic cinema. Money is not an issue for him, he makes a decent salary (much more than me). This Christmas I asked for a couple of passes to a yoga studio we both go to all the time, both because I love it and he has a membership there through work and it would be nice to take some classes together.
The thing is, I really like giving gifts that make people genuinely happy. I'm the type of person who, if I spot a nice shirt at a thrift store that's his size and style, I will buy it for him. Over the course of our relationship I have made him many things, and given him what I think are thoughtful, useful gifts or food (we both love to cook and eat). I realize that gift giving is not everyone's strength, that they might not have the time to find something that would make another person happy, or put in the effort or have the skill to make things. To compensate for this, I usually give him a few suggestions well in advance of something so he doesn't have to to go looking too hard
On the other hand it's not like he's NEVER given me anything, it just feels like he doesn't realize how much a small effort would mean to me. AITA for feeling let down about this? Sometimes I just feel like my effort isn't reciprocated but also I worry I'm being petty and holding little things against him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
OPSPYaboBBIMq18Qxa0cZicXmGzTV0C2
|
av6vqy
|
{
"description": "not helping my friend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For not helping my friend
|
I help my friend run a small t-shirt company. My friend is the brains behind the operations and uses me to create the designs on the computer. Today he asked me to make a design saying, "Beautiful Transexual". I refused to make the design because I felt like this would reflect poorly on the brand he's trying to create since he has zero involvement in the LGBT community. He later texted me saying "Gay people spend money." further making me believe that he's only interested in trying to make some quick money. So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
BDHSkuOaPjDgna1j7iAUAaGqO1EiqqNQ
|
asi5aq
|
{
"description": "banning someone from one of my subreddit and he started telling me that I was abusing my mod powers. who's in the wrong here",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA I banned someone from one of my subreddit and he started telling me that I was abusing my mod powers. Who's in the wrong here?
|
For context, here's the post that got the person concerned banned: [https://i.imgtc.com/zowK6l1.png](https://i.imgtc.com/zowK6l1.png)
For additional context, my subreddit is a clone of [r/yiffinhell](https://www.reddit.com/r/yiffinhell), but for a different demographic of people and I followed the rules I made completely and made no difference between people, everyone is threated equally here.
The person that was banned started to message the subreddit and during the whole thing I never muted them, I kept arguing with them until I decided to say enough is enough and left at it (not even muting the guy, but I probably will if he messages me one more time). I'm going to cover personal details such as the person's username and links to his profile, I don't want anyone to go and start drama with the person concerned.
​
So here's the full conversation I had with the guy: [https://i.imgtc.com/mYZskQa.png](https://i.imgtc.com/mYZskQa.png)
​
I feel like shit going through this, who was in the wrong here? I don't want to end up being labeled as some power hungry powermod that bans people for no reason (think about moderators from subreddit like these [r/news](https://www.reddit.com/r/news), [r/politics](https://www.reddit.com/r/politics), [r/lgbt](https://www.reddit.com/r/lgbt) and the likes) by the Reddit community.
​
For more context, when he got banned, he received these two messages:
Note from the moderators:
Go cry about our subreddit elsewhere, maybew it'll bring more traffic, k thx.
and
Your post from clopinhell was removed because of: 'Brony'
Hi u/username, We do not allow bronies here, regardless of whether or not you are cringeworthy.
Original post: https://i.imgtc.com/zowK6l1.png
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
uNLjmx739uGPApdP3JEdob43ZC5c7tgn
|
9t7dz3
|
{
"description": "not supporting my suicidal friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not supporting my suicidal friend?
|
So a bit of context, my close friend lives a pretty stressful life. He's a single dad to a 5 year old boy, doesn't have any family support, works full time at a shitty fastfood chain and studies part-time to try and better his situation. I know he struggles with anxiety at times and can get overwhelmed, which in the past I've come over with some wine or beer and have lended an ear and a shoulder. Recently his son was diagnosed with autism and I suspected that he was feeling stressed out dealing with this by himself. His partner passed away in an accident when their son was 2 and he hasn't bothered with dating or relationships since.
We've been close friends since high school, I was there when his son was born, and he met and approved of my boyfriend when we started dating 6 years ago. We've helped each other move, plan parties, studied together, I've babysat for him, he's literally like my brother.
Last week he set set up a group chat, explaining that he has been having daily panic attacks and seeing his therapist weekly. The last time he saw his therapist, he opened up that he has been feeling suicidal for 2 years and has actually started planning "a way out" since he found out his son is autistic. He already feels inadequate as a father and feels he's failed/failing his son. That his son would be better off without him.
His therapist suggested seeing him at least twice a week and to set up a support system that he can message when he begins having those thoughts.
So he added me, another close friend of his (who I'm not close to), and 2 others who he's close to but don't live in the same city.
He explained everything I mentioned above and said that he would only use this chat when he feels he can't go on anymore.
Now I'm empathetic but this year has been awful for me also, I don't feel like I can take on his struggles as well. I'm finishing my phd, there's been 5 deaths this year which have hit my boyfriend and I particularly hard, one suicide of a mutual friend, my dog died, I'm not working and there's the financial stress that goes with that and my partner has just started a new 6 figure job but is high stress and I've been dealing with that. I also suffer from anxiety which has been hard to manage this year because of all these stresses which I feel is important to mention here.
So I sent him a message separately, saying that I was sorry that he's going through this difficult time but because there are 3 other people he can rely on and that I'm not in a great place myself, if he could remove me from the group chat because just hearing that I could lose him stresses me out which with everything else going on is terrible for my anxiety.
He apologised saying that it wasn't his intention to do that to me and that he'll remove me.
Yesterday I received a message from his other close friend (same city, but not my close friend) calling me selfish.
I asked what he was talking about. Our mutual friend had a bad day yesterday and wanted someone to talk to, and messaged this other guy. He was in a meeting and physically couldn't be with him but said he'd be over as soon as he could and to message me until he was there. That's when our suicidal friend told him that I couldn't be there because of my anxiety and what I told him.
He explained to this to his other friend that he was hurt and that he didn't he didn't want to "burden" me with this as I can't support him and that he didn't know if we'd ever be as close as we were.
I feel pretty upset by this, because I still want to be his close friend but I just can't support him right now. I didn't mean to hurt him and sent him a message explaining that but he hasn't replied yet. So what do you think? Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
dZ6pWP2sYsFXmsffcLaQqXAKEoifOp5k
|
b0ph6f
|
{
"description": "asking my ex to start paying me back now",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my ex to start paying me back now?
|
I dated this guy for a couple years. Near the beginning of our relationship, he had some financial struggles. I wasn’t hurting for money (and he knew that but never asked) so I let him know that he can ask to borrow money from me if needed. He declined at first but ultimately ended up borrowing some money from me (a couple thousand). I understand and accept that I shouldn’t have lent such a large amount of money, but I loved him and knew it wasn’t in his character to just take the money and run. We had agreed to have him pay me back within a couple months (monthly payments). He was working part-time but wasn’t making much more than minimum wage.
Weeks later, he told me that he wouldn’t be able to pay me back per our payment plan and asked if we could push it back. I told him to take his time and that I didn’t expect him to pay it back any time soon. I wanted him to focus on school and work—I didn’t want him to stress about owing me money. I saw our relationship continuing far into the future so it didn’t bother me. We never rly spoke about the borrowed money again throughout the rest of our relationship. He maybe brought it up a total of 3 or 4 times saying that he felt bad he couldn’t pay me back right away.
A year later, he took a break from school and began working full time. I know he had made enough to pay me back but I knew he wasn’t planning on working when he went back to school so the money he was making during his gap year was to sustain him for the duration of his schooling once he returned. A year later, he went back to school and our relationship was rocky. It had now been about two years since I’ve lent him the money. I broke up with him because he wasn’t putting effort into our relationship. We ended on good terms but kinda awkward. We talked a lot at the beginning of our breakup but now we don't talk and he never brought up the money. About two months after we broke up, I asked him if he could pay me back. At the time I asked him, we were still talking every now and then. When I brought it up, he apologized, said he forgot and asked if I wanted the money in full now. Knowing his situation, I said that I didn't expect him to pay it all back now. He said he could maybe start paying me back in the summer but to let him know if I need some of it or all of it now. I told him I understood his current financial situation and didn't expect to take money away from him right now when he doesn't have an income. He said thanks for understanding, and we haven't really talked since then.
It's been a while since we last talked and it doesn't seem he's making an effort to maintain our friendship. The last message I sent him (unrelated to this) was left on read and it doesn't look like we'll be talking or hanging out any time soon. Since we aren't really friends now, WIBTA if I asked him to begin payments now? I'm not in dire need of the money but the extra money peace of mind would be nice.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
zQRBp2NR4U6HUN5EbM9H3saGz3QGhdpD
|
ahfx5j
|
{
"description": "not selling my couch to my friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not selling my couch to my friend?
|
Last week, I bought four couches from Amazon because they were on sale. I purchased two of them for my parents for their new renovated room and planned on selling the other two.
When I was buying them, I sent the link to many people notifying them of the great sale. One of my friends jumped on the sale a little too late and missed out.
This friend is now very adamant on me giving him one because he's moving to a new place soon. He's offering to pay me for what I paid but won't leave me alone regarding the couch. I wasn't planning to give them away for any reason and bought extras solely to make a profit. I don't want to give them away and I keep telling him no but he won't take no for an answer. I know that when the time comes and I tell him a firm no, he'll be upset because I told him no.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
QsLbaa3FjQirbRW0pMLWWTYZpfuEBqhu
|
a7s2le
|
{
"description": "getting black out drunk with a friend who didn't drink",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting black out drunk with a friend who didn’t drink?
|
Alright so first if I feel myself like I didn’t do anything wrong but from my friend’s attitude I’m starting to wonder if maybe I actually did??
Anyways Im (19/F) at my last uni year and so far I’d never managed to make any real friends at my school (I tend to be more friendly w my sports buddies) but this year I met a girl (22) who was really nice and had the same interests as me. We started hanging out, watching movies together, talking etc...
So one day we go out with our classmates to a pub and I don’t drink much but she gets completely drunk. Since she lives really far away and there’s no bus at that time of night, I offer her to come to my place and sleep it off. She does come and I do my best to be a decent host, making her a bacon and egg midnight snack and getting her room ready.
Three weeks after that we go out again, this time to another student’s place and then to a club and, this time, we planned for me to come back to her place. Since that night she has been avoiding me so I must have fucked up in some way, I just can’t figure out how. Here’s what I did :
- I hit on a guy and left her w one of her friends for about one hour but we met again at the club and I left the guy behind, she didn’t seem bothered by that since she was w other people we knew.
- I got really (REALLY) drunk during the night and ended up being sick on the way home. I’m not an annoying drunk, I’m the "super honest and affectionate" kind but I was really fucking plastered and she wasn’t.
- I can’t remember maybe 20-30mn of that night so I might have done something then? I just know that I added the guy I mentioned before on Facebook but idk what else I did. She hasn’t mentioned anything when I asked.
Anyways she hasn’t been talking to me since then unless I try to contact her and usually her answers are pretty dismissive when, before that night, we were really friendly. Was I an asshole for getting drunk like that? Since she did the same when she came to my place I assumed this would be fine but, obviously, I did something wrong. She never mentioned not wanting me to drink before coming to her place either.
It’s been about ten days since that night and I still have no idea of what I did that caused this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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INFO
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
Y3ZToLjS24PpGjcBXIeHmWO00zJUgQjO
|
abxf0u
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go to my boyfriend's house",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not wanting to go to my boyfriend's house?
|
Context: Last time I was at his place, the first thing his mom said to me was "Hey! We haven't seen you in a long time! We were starting to think you were a bad girlfriend."
I told her why I was busy- my grandfather has ALS and him and my grandmother recently had a slip and fall incident, which my grandmother is now getting surgery for. My grandfather is unable to care for himself so I'm spending pretty much all of my free time caring for him and it's been really tolling on my family and I.
My s/o didn't say anything to her about anything I was going through prior to this conversation. Basically, his mom would ask "Hey, what's up with your girlfriend? we haven't seen her in a while" and he'd just not tell them anything, which gave them the impression that I was blowing him off.
After this, him and I had a conversation about our relationship, he admitted to me that he vents to his mom about me and that she doesn't think that we should be together. She told him to break up with me.
Today is his birthday and he wants me to come over, not for a party or celebration or anything, but just to hang out. If it were a birthday party, then I'd be willing to put it aside, I suppose. He said she's not going to be home, but, I'm not comfortable because I don't feel welcomed in her home.
AITA?
TLDR; Boyfriend's Mom has a bad opinion of me, to where she's openly said she doesn't support our relationship. BF lives with his mom and I don't feel comfortable coming over.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
rrMyU3TRBalLYzImXE4NgjtWsjkdBJ43
|
ahv0xm
|
{
"description": "telling my brother that his \"relationship\" with a cam-girl isn't real",
"pronormative_score": 34,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my brother that his "relationship" with a cam-girl isn't real?
|
Every bit as strange as it sounds. My brother is in his mid-twenties, and I recently found out that the long-distance "girlfriend" that he's been mentioning in passing for a few months now is, in fact, a model on a popular cam site. A model that he hasn't spent an obscene amount of money on gifts for. A model that lives half-way around the world.
The dude's totally over the moon for this lady, obviously, but when he revealed this information I (OK, maybe not so politely) expressed my opinion that, in all probability, she views him as a particularly attached client and will take the shirt off his back before they ever meet up in person.
For his side of things, they do text a shit ton via kik, and exchange sincere-sounding words of affection and everything. But the financial component makes me think this is patronage, not a real relationship, and he's gotten things confused. Obviously he has not taken this well. And I have entertained the idea that I may be just the world's biggest asshole for saying so, love conquers all, etc. But I am in fact worried about the guy. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
6qIRC34RF3OeI4tXiaH7KydoUAveowqX
|
azofrl
|
{
"description": "not being attracted to my girlfriend's body",
"pronormative_score": 122,
"contranormative_score": 937
}
|
AITA for not being attracted to my girlfriend’s body?
|
I made an ALT account to ask this, since a bunch of my family follow my primary one.
I’m also.. not completely sure of the rules here, so I’ll try to keep it as PG as I can.
So, me and my girlfriend have been dating for almost 3 years. We have fun together, and we really care about each other. (just to keep it simple.)
I will say that she’s the first thin person I’ve ever been with. She’s flat, petite and pretty short. Most of the girls I’ve been with have been on the bigger side (in the good places..) and I’ve always been a fan of ... well, a bigger ~chest~ size.
This all started when me and my girlfriend were watching Netflix a few nights ago and she randomly asked me if I was okay with her having a flat chest. (She’s always been insecure about not having b**bs.) I asked why she was curious about this, and she told me she noticed that I never really had anything to say about her chest, (and that day she had been trying on lingerie and none of the ones she tried on fit her in the *chest* region. That kind of put her back mental funk where she thinks she’s not attractive if she doesn’t have a certain figure.) She said she was just curious.
I told her I had to be honest, and said that I’m not attracted to her chest size, and that I actually prefer bigger b**bs. It’s not a turn off, having a smaller size but not a turn on. If I’m being honest, that’s why I usually prefer she faces away from me during intercourse.
She was quiet for a while, and then she said she was going to go home since she had work in the morning. She texted me later on that night and told me what I said hurt her a little. She said we’ve been dating for a while and never brought this up, and that she feels like I lied to her. I told her I didn’t know what to tell her, and that I was just being honest (I was.).
Am I being the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 937
}
|
WRONG
|
jFxSaCU8c1iYb5DdUhsHk2ke3qYBoOyc
|
ahcnuh
|
{
"description": "not giving my girlfriend a ride home",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not giving my girlfriend a ride home?
|
So I had plans with my roommates to hangout and drink and my girlfriend had plans to go hangout with some of her friends. She asks if I can take her and pick her up and I said I can drop you off but I'll be pretty buzzed by the time you leave so you'll have to get a ride back from someone else. She says okay and the night goes on and I drop her off. She then texts me around midnight and says "so you're just gonna make me walk home". Keep in mind it's less than a 10 minute walk for her in a very safe part of town. So I said yeah I literally told you I wasn't going to be able to drive and pick you up, 'm not getting a DUI. She proceeds to tell me how I'm a huge asshole for making her walk home and how I "don't care about her".
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 27,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
dFkYnh9OpJSZf6HjmCpaxlt5tnDv21zi
|
b4cr7l
|
{
"description": "making my friend cry",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for making my friend cry
|
handicapped bully: jamie
friend: zoe
crying friend: anna
let me set the stage; Anna and Zoe were sitting near me in class and suddenly Zoe brought up how I got bullied by Jamie in grade school. I started thinking about how difficult her life was as someone who is in a wheelchair, so we began the conversation about various things that we had experienced with her and how she bullied me. Zoe brought up how she would wear warm up pants to practice but couldn’t really warm up her legs. i laughed, pretty hard. Anna started getting upset but i just assumed it was about something that had occurred the period before hand. I asked her what was wrong and if she was OK and she said yeah. about five minutes later after Zoe and I have been joking around about Jamie and how she would roll over peoples feet, anna yells at us saying how we’re being assholes and that she has hearing problems and she’s self-conscious about it.
we get silent and stop talking about it but she begins to cry. Zoe and I feel bad but I feel as if she’s making this into a bigger deal than it has to be.
so reddit am i the asshole for making Anna cry?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
wzUzW19PZCfEkpTgxE0DL6af2q8bbaVI
|
au6fqf
|
{
"description": "answering the Door for the Pizza Guy in my boxers",
"pronormative_score": 38,
"contranormative_score": 79
}
|
AITA for Answering the Door for the Pizza Guy in my Boxers
|
I've answered the door in my underwear a few times before, when I don't have a pair of pants ready, because I would feel rude to keep them waiting. I've never really noticed much of a reaction before, but tonight the pizza guy was clearly very uncomfortable, even physically taking a couple steps back when I opened the door. I tried to just sign the receipt and take the pizza quickly so he could leave, but I started feeling guilty. When I told my wife, she basically said it was shitty of me answer the door like that.
I've never really thought twice about it, and have seen enough stories from pizza delivery people that I just figured they've all seen much worse, so they wouldn't mind, but should I start taking the time to dress more?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 78,
"OTHER": 30,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 38,
"WRONG": 79
}
|
WRONG
|
mZukFbP0vJOGzNNfLBT8w0Gbr5XliLNB
|
ag5rl8
|
{
"description": "feeling cheated that my parents won't help me pay for college",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for feeling cheated that my parents won't help me pay for college?
|
I started college last fall and found out that my parents are not willing to help me at all, nor did they put any money aside at all for me or my brother. My family did struggle financially up until about 5 years ago. My parents now, combined, make over $150,000 a year. This completely destroys any chance of me getting any financial aid from the government. I do have one scholarship and I'm looking into getting as many as I can to help limit the loans. When discussing it with my parents, they said that they feel it's ridiculous that parents are expected to help put their kids through school and that it should be entirely my responsibility. Despite that, they feel that since I live with them, they require me to be in school part time, and work full time (or vice versa), which, too a certain extent, i agree is fair. My parents also stated that they, "Shouldn't have to dip into their retirement funds to put me through college". It should be noted they just spent thousands of dollars to remodel the garage and are planning on spending hundreds more on it in the next coming weeks. So my question is, AITA for feeling it's unfair for them to not help pay at all, leaving me to go into thousands of dollars of debt when I feel it isn't necessary?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
1jkmHdVRe9Md25rQjbqDISVi5777yWPX
|
b95xtj
|
{
"description": "being mad when someone called an asshole",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being mad when someone called an asshole?
|
I was kinda talking to this guy and I intentionally left him on read because he does it to me occasionally. He texted me again and said, “ok asshole” to which I said “don’t call me an asshole” (I don’t allow name calling and degrading terms like that in a friendship/ relationship. If you’re joking, that’s fine. But if you’re being serious, like he was being, that just crosses the line and proves to me that you don’t completely respect the people you care about). He responded bye saying “then stop being one”.
1. It pissed me off that he couldn’t say sorry when I told him that I don’t like being called names.
2. Is this a normal thing that people just put up with in relationships? In other words, am I just lame in that sense?
3. Am I being too sensitive about it?
He ended up blocking me after it escalated and I haven’t been able to talk with him sense. I’m trying to tell myself this is a blessing in disguise and he’s not as great a guy as I anticipated.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Xg10JtjTWbR60nGgZQsBss02bny5B93K
|
b7074l
|
{
"description": "wanting to party without my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to party without my girlfriend?
|
So I've been dating my girlfriend for about a year and a half now and things have been great, except for partying with her. Whenever she gets drunk, she gets emotional and starts to cry, which is ok, but it gets annoying at times
So I told her that next time I party, I want to go with just the boys. Just for one night without her.
So am I the asshole for wanting to party for one night with just my friends without her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
BB3i5ezUNPJVTxVFQOeW6hh6TG3peDrA
|
az0j5d
|
{
"description": "feeling snubbed by my boyfriend's family",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for feeling snubbed by my boyfriend’s family?
|
Backstory: Me (22F) and my boyfriend (M25) have been dating around a year. We live around 100+ miles from his family. We go and visit his family as often as we can, but it is still sometimes several weeks before we can go see them. When we do get together, we have a great time and everyone gets along. The only person I have any problems with his is mom, as she’s constantly comparing me to his last girlfriend. The ex is studying to be a doctor, 4.0 GPA, captain of her sports team, and a very religious person. I’m currently taking a break from school, due to monetary issues, but I do have my own goals and dreams to take care of, I’m just a little off schedule. Of course whenever my bf’s mom does this, he stands up for me, but it still is a constant part of my relationship with his mother.
Anyways, my boyfriend’s birthday is today. We had planned to spend his birthday with his family this Sunday, and spend a few days up in their city, but his mom wanted to plan a surprise party and show up to our apartment on his birthday.
I made sure my bf had the day off, and I tried my best to get the day off, but I still have to work until 3pm. I tried to work out several plans with his mom, to make sure he was out of the house until 3. However, instead of waiting for me, his family has decided to throw his party without me there, including his birthday lunch and everything.
I feel a little snubbed, because his mom already doesn’t like me, because I just can’t compare to his last girlfriend. The fact that she did not try to meet me half way and just cut me out entirely really upsets me. And I just feel like I’m purposely being not included, and his mom would have gone out of her way to make sure she was there. Of course I’m not going to let this get in the way of giving my boyfriend the best birthday ever, but am I being the A-hole and overreacting?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
oFyyS58u1cNXZhnxudFVJNlVtb83Az6I
|
ahzvph
|
{
"description": "not telling someone's fiancée her boyfriend tried to cheat on her",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not telling someone’s fiancée her boyfriend tried to cheat on her
|
I was a shy 17 year old girl going to College in Texas. I was dealing with a lot of anxiety problems back then, and couldn’t talk. Speaking to people almost hurt. If I was spoken to, I only responded in short 1-3 word replies. Being around people gave me a lot of anxiety.
I made a friend with a guy in my political science class. Let’s call him Dave. Our usual seats were next to each other. He was very friendly, but noticed I didn’t talk very much. Even so, he persisted in trying to make friends. He encouraged me to communicate via notes. We became good friends, and I learned to be a little more comfortable around Dave and people in general. I’d often walk to his apartment to study together and play games. Occasionally I’d spend the night at his apartment if it got too late. I thought our relationship was purely a friendship. Dave asked me if I wanted to date around the time I turned 18 and I declined. We were still good friends. He eventually started dating this sweet Filipina girl.
Dave would gush about her often, and show me his girlfriend’s awesome drawings. I was really happy for them! I was eager to meet his girlfriend, and asked to meet her because she sounded really cool. I probably only saw her once or twice though. Around 2016 they got engaged. I was very happy for them and wished them happiness!
One day during Winter I went over to Dave’s apartment to hang out and play Super Smash Bros. I had so much fun I didn’t notice the time fly by. Nighttime came and Dave offered me to spend the night because it was dark and very cold outside. I accepted.
Dave’s fiancée was out of town at the time. He asked me if I wanted to have sex with him. I said no.
I was really innocent at that age, and I truly believed that if we had a heartfelt talk I would be able to help him sort out his priorities and help him realize why that’s a bad idea. I wanted to be a good friend. I asked Dave if he really loved this girl, and if he was willing to spend the rest of his life with her. He said yes. I asked him why would he try to cheat if he really felt that way. He said something like, “I want to live a little before I settle down.” I told him that if he wanted to “live a little” before settling down, then he shouldn’t have gotten engaged. I told him that he should really reflect on our conversation, and really think about what’s important to him. I went to sleep.
After that, we kinda drifted apart. I moved away to a different state.
I never told his fiancée what happened.
I recently saw a Facebook post that they got married early last year. Looking back on it, I feel kinda bad. Maybe I should have told her back then. If he asked someone else, he might’ve actually cheated on the poor girl. Maybe he even asked someone else after I said no.
Or maybe he actually took my words to heart. I sure hope so...
I feel like if I say anything about it now, then I’m DEFINITELY the asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
Vd7I5gCAnHB34YTqfs8kZsCJaFs1wif4
|
a1lqdy
|
{
"description": "being annoyed by someone with a mental disability",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for being annoyed by someone with a mental disability?
|
Generally, anyone with a mental disability that impairs their social functions annoys me a lot.
Story time: There’s this one kid in a club for an engineering challenge thing, and while I was sharing my idea with my group, he just walks over and sits on the chair about 2 inches from me and starts talking about some idea that was still on the monitor (we were drawing out basic schematics on ms paint). We were in the verge of throwing out the idea that was originally on there, but he was suggesting an alternative to it that simply wouldn’t work. He later explained that he was kicked out of his other group because “they had too many people”(I bet it was for other reasons). Now he is on our team (sort of forced our hand because we were the only other group of 3 and all other were group of 4). We explained to him why it wouldn’t work, but we could tell he wasn’t getting it. He is making this challenge infinitely harder because now we have to explain why all his ideas won’t work and why our ideas do work(in short, the goal is to build a plane out of x materials in x weeks and have it fly the farthest. We are on a time constraint and don’t have the time to have to stop and explain everything over and over again). I’m seriously considering quitting the club because of this, as it’s taken most of the fun out of it. He also keeps doing weird things like pushing a rubber ball into our backs and saying he’s giving us a back massage (most of these issues involve him getting into our personal space). Am I the asshole for feeling this way?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
NluCPbYKqhH04xYJnNaRObSYdF6qXHMd
|
a3pjhl
|
{
"description": "believing student's should pay back their loans",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA because I believe student's should pay back their loans?
|
I must be the asshole because most people I've come across feel they shouldn't repay their loans.
Discuss.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
V158AlDaVhN4z1NDRwWemAd8UvDVngD9
|
ac5bmf
|
{
"description": "getting mad at roommate for not telling me that there would be strangers sleeping in our house",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting mad at roommate for not telling me that there would be strangers sleeping in our house
|
First Poster here-
LONG READ
So I live together in a big house with five other people (so 6 people in total). Each of us has his/her separate bedroom and we have an extra spare bedroom if friends come over.
So this has been going on for great for year and a half now. This week however my roommates were on ski-holiday and celebrating new years eve in France together. I couldn't go because had to work the 31st Dec and the 2nd January but no hard feelings and i wished them the best.
So this new year eve i get home with my girlfriend at 3 am because we celebrated with her friends and I see that the front door is open which was weird because i always lock it extra when I leave. I rushed in the house to see if anything was missing but everything was in place. Already then I thought something was off and I was mad at myself because I thought I didn't close the door well and you things could've gone wrong. but again nothing was missing. So we go to sleep because it was already late and we got woke up at 5 am because I hear rumble in the hallway. I got up because in my sleep I thought it were my roommates that because of some reason came home early from their ski-trip (which was weird because it was new year eve). So I open my bedroom door and I see 3 guys I have never seen before in my life going up the stairs. I thought they were burglars so I went after them and yelled at them that they better get the hell out of my house, which to me is a normal reaction when 3 strangers are in you house in the middle of the night.
One guy turns around and says" I'm X, I'm the brother of Roommate. Didn't he tell you we were staying here tonight"
I already heard about X before but never seen him before and sure as hell didn't know that he and his friends were staying over tonight.
X has a weird name in real life so I knew he couldn't have made it up so this was really the roommates' brother. I'm like no WTF i didn't know? Why didn't roommate tell me?
So i go to my room and calm down my girlfriend because she got her phone out to call the cops ( which is also a normal reaction and is in hindsight even a better reaction than mine)
I call my roommate in the middle of night because I'm pissed off and why he didn't tell me because it never has been an issue to have sleepovers before. He's like sleepdrunk and is just going I'm sorry i forgot to tell you. So next morning I hardly slept after it because I've been so scared that night and so full of adrenaline. So i get up,still upset about it all start doing regular wake-up stuff breakfast,coffee,etc So at noon the 3 guys were still sleeping and i woke them up because I wanted them to go home because I've had it with the whole situation so I told them: Look guys it's better if you start packing and go home because you scared me to death last night, it's not your fault but I'm really don't want any visitors in my house at the moment." So guys get up, grab their stuff and leave. It was then that i noticed that they had so much stuff with like air-mattresses etc so Then it came to me that they must've come in last night (because roommate gave them a key) when I was already gone and left the front door open.
So last night roommate comes back home from ski-trip and wants to talk to me about the whole situation. So basically he tells me that I've shouldn't have reacted that way to strangers in the house in the night. He says I've just should've gone up to them and asked who they were and what they were doing here.
He says I shouldn't have called in the night either because he felt bad the rest of the day and that I shouldn't have told his brother to go home the next morning because he's an insecure snowflake and got scared.
So I tell him that I don't have any issue with his brother at all and his brother is welcome but that next time i would like to know beforehand (like we always do). I'm not telling him that he has to ask permission to let his brother sleep here I'm just telling him that I would like to know next time so I don't think we have burglars in our house.
Then he says he didn't think I would be sleeping home that night so he didn't want to bother me with it which to me is also wrong because I think I have the right to know when someone is in our house. It has never been an issue before to let someone sleep here. The guys even would have gotten eggs and bacon the next morning if I wouldn't have been this upset.
He doesn't seem to get that I was really frightened that night and reacted out of impulse (fight or flight) and that the whole situation came out of him not telling that his brother would be sleeping over
TLDR: roommate let's people sleepover without me knowing and it frightened me because i thought I had burglars in the house and now he is mad because of my reaction
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
qqSgUTZk6kIpmwH3Spf7szI0CCGHUXE7
|
a7gcp0
|
{
"description": "not letting people in my lane if they don't use a blinker",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 18
}
|
AITA for not letting people in my lane if they don’t use a blinker?
|
I hate when people don’t use their blinker when changing lanes. So I’ve had a habit of speeding up if I see someone trying to get in my lane if they’re not using one. Honestly how hard is it to use? It’s literally a switch.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 18
}
|
WRONG
|
JcpQFp6qiD9zJlPxteAfW9mK4UgNHuci
|
ashfcl
|
{
"description": "getting offended by my SO's refusal to let me snowblow our driveway",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for getting offended by my [26F] SO’s [26M] refusal to let me snowblow our driveway?
|
AITA for getting offended by my [26F] SO’s [26M] refusal to let me snowblow our driveway?
My SO and I just purchased a home and are spending our first winter in it. We were graciously gifted a John Deere TRS 32 snowblower by his father. The other day while driving home from grocery shopping we were talking about how my father said our snowblower was too big for our 4 car single garage driveway. My SO said how my father was just jealous since my Dad’s snowblower was so much smaller, which honestly it is and he probably is jealous. I replied that ours needed to be so heavy duty with chains on the wheels since our driveway is on a hill. To give you and idea, I have to use the e-brake when I park so as to not slide down or have a jolt when I switch transmission and when it’s icy it’s dangerous getting the mail.
My SO then said that without a doubt no female can safely handle that thing. Quickly he corrected himself almost in the same breath that some women could probably do it, but not me. He then said the test of usage depends on whether or not he can overtake my bicep muscles with just his three fingers. For reference I’m about 5’3 and weigh 125lbs, can carry about 40-50lbs for a few minutes and then have to take a break.
Now I’ve been the most DIY and fixer-upper of our home and previous apartment. I used to mow my dads half acre lawn using a rider mower and also snowblow during the winter all myself since 18. I’m a highly capable individual, or so I think. I believe that I could use the snowblower even with my current strength (which is not currently passing the usage test) just by using common sense and the mechanics of the blower (ie. use the proper speeds to navigate and turn the machine as well as the reverse to slow down). He is telling me that there is no way I’d be able to stop the machine from rolling down into the street if I were to snowblow by myself. He’s concerned about the momentum and condition of the driveway preventing me to stop it from moving. With all the functions in mind, he still thinks I could not stop an uncontrolled slide down the driveway since I lack the muscle strength.
So I called him sexist and was offended that he had so little faith in me to properly handle this machinery given my previous experience. I feel like he was being an asshole for using my gender and then lack of physical strength as the reason I can’t help clear our driveway. He thinks I’m being an asshole for being illogically upset at his resistance to me using it due to failing his strength test, and insists it’s not because I’m female, but because I don’t have the required muscle strength in his opinion.
So, AITA for being offended?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
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OTHER
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{
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}
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RIGHT
|
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aa4smd
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{
"description": "not taking my twin's feeling into account",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not taking my twin's feeling into account ?
|
For a bit of context, we are twenty years old female fraternal twins. We are really close, though we argue a lot, partly because "she doesn't know how to express her feelings so she becomes agressive, that's how she is" (according to my mother).
I'm going on a trip to Australia for five months in a few weeks. My sister is really angry at me and keeps telling me that I am abandoning her (well both my parents also keep telling me that they're going to be really sad without me). She keeps attacking me and I am tired of it. Today, she yelled at me and called me disgusting and selfish. The reason ? I booked a flight when she won't be able to come and see me off at the airport. I feel really guilty about that: I knew it would be difficult for her to come, but the flights were less expensive and as my father paid for the plane tickets, I wasn't going to make him pay more than necessary. Furthermore, I couldn't choose the day: I'm invited on the 25th of January, so I have to leave on the 24th.
Now I'm split between two feelings. On the first hand I feel really guilty for being that selfish and for making her suffer. I care for her a lot (although she says I don't) and it just makes me grieve to see that I harmed her so much because I decided to put myself first. Then on the other hand I'm really angry at her for insulting me and using her sadness as an excuse for this behavior. I also feel like I have my own life and that sometimes, I should also be allowed to do what is easier/better for me...
So, according to you, Am I the asshole for leaving my twin to go on a six month trip and for putting my own selfish desires first ?
(If you think my text isn't really clear, feel free to ask questions)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
}
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
hqLUOA7uN6p1YwNeOv3WKCVrAyzZEFKv
|
apfidc
|
{
"description": "getting irritated when my boyfriend wants attention while I'm busy",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting irritated when my boyfriend wants attention while I’m busy?
|
Let’s start with that I (17F) love my boyfriend (17M) very much. We’ve been together for 1.5 years. We’re planning to get our own apartment and everything. He currently lives with me and my family so that’s definitely important for my questions.
I bought him a TV and PS4 so he wouldn’t be bored sitting on the phone all day in my room or just us doing the same things over and over. (it’s a little harder to spend time with each other outside of my room because neither of us have a car and we also don’t want to spend money on too many things since we’re saving for an apartment.) I’ve bought him a lot of games and he’s bought some himself, even though we share money. He has a headset to talk to his friends online and also talks to them on FaceTime pretty often. I don’t mind any of this because I love my alone time and can find something satisfying to do without his full attention. But, if he wants to watch a movie or YouTube videos or something with me then I’m up for it, usually.
That’s where part of the problem comes in. He’s very affectionate and sensitive when it comes to us, especially since this is the first real and actually good relationship each of us has had. For example, one game he plays a lot is naruto vs boruto shinobi striker. Each match is like 4-7 minutes long I believe. I don’t have a problem with him playing his game and I let him know if I want some attention but I’ll always understand if he’s occupied right at that moment. Trust that I don’t just sit in bed bored waiting for him to talk to me. I do schoolwork, watch movies, scroll through Instagram, etc.
Probably every other match and sometimes after every match, he’ll get up and interrupt what I’m doing. Sometimes he plays different games but he’ll still do the same thing. By interrupt I mean if I’m watching a movie on my laptop he’ll move it out of the way without pausing it and get on top of me and expect cuddles, kisses, or whatever. Or if I’m on the phone with a friend (not often) he’ll try to convince me to spend time with him even though he wasn’t asking to do anything when I was just watching tv or on instagram. And it’s like when I tell him hold on or wait he’ll get kind of upset and say something like “okay I’m just gonna go back and play my game”. It just pisses me off because I’m doing something and he’ll come and interrupt and when I try to pause whatever I’m doing then he makes me feel bad because I don’t want to give him my attention right away when it’s completely unexpected.
Stuff like this also happens when we’re laying in bed together. Like if we’ll be watching a movie together or just on social media enjoying each other’s company and he’ll just decide that we’re not doing it anymore and it’s time to just lay down, cuddle, and do nothing. I know sometimes he gets stressed and overwhelmed so that’s why he wants a lot of attention so he can take his mind off of it but I can’t help but getting irritated when I’m interrupted. It irritates me more when I tell him I can’t do what he wants to do at the time and he gets upset and makes me feel guilty.
He doesn’t appreciate alone time as much as I do and I understand that. We definitely are compatible but this is just something that bothers me everyday. I’m happy when I can get like 30-45 mins without being interrupted.
Not to mention that when he gets off the games it’s only for 30 seconds to a minute. This bothers me because usually I have my bed made and my room clean but when he gets off the game he’ll come and get under the covers and then leave a minute later and I have to fix the bed again. I tell him how much it annoys me because he’s going to get up anyways and he gets irritated because he “can’t get in his own bed”
I wouldn’t mind being interrupted as much if it meant he was going to spend time with me for longer than 2 minutes at the most.
Bonus: sometimes I’ll be napping and he’ll wake me up to make him something to eat. It pisses me off so much to be woken up because he’s fucking hungry ugh. Don’t get me wrong tho, it isn’t the typical “make me a sandwich” situation. It’s more like it’s tense and awkward for him being here so if he cooks by himself then a lot of blame and shit talking will be thrown at us. If you want to know more about that then just read my first post about our situation living here.
Anyways, AITA for this? This isn’t a shitpost. This has been ongoing since he got his PS4 and I honestly can’t tell if I’m being a huge bitch for not giving him attention when he comes to me for only a few minutes at a time.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
X5ojx5vwwP2Q0NXK0ykIRXvG6R79FmFZ
|
ad4zh0
|
{
"description": "yelling at a drunk girl to get fuck out of my campsite",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for yelling at a drunk girl to get fuck out of my campsite
|
‘Twas’ NYE of 2018, around 5-6pm and a good 7-8 of my close friends were in our marquee at a festival inside our campsite area. Tunes are pumping and the drinks are flowing, a great time. When out of nowhere wonders up this stranger to us and insists we sing a song with her, I begrudgingly agree given it’s within the spirit of New Years so I start to produce Kanye Wests Gold Digger and a few of us join in with this off-key slapper. One would think she’d leave now but no.
She Moseyed on over and awkwardly asked if she could have a drink and chill for a bit with us, the group let’s her request hang in the air like the steaming pile of shit it was. Until one of the more polite girls in our group collapsed and said yeah of course...20 minutes pass and I’m trying to enjoy my New Years pre drinks with my best friends and this loner has thrown off the whole vibe. At some point she asked if everyone was okay if she stayed a bit longer to which I said something like “ we’re actually in the middle of a kinda intimate thing so...” she called me rude and carried on eating my packet of crisps.
Seething in my seat I ask her when she was planning on leaving and she calls me an asshole and continues to chomp down on my crisps. A good friend suggests I take a pee with him as he can see I need to cool off a bit, another joins us on our bush wee and we all agree we gots to get rid of this bitch.
We storm back into the campsite and my pal politely ask her if we can walk her back to her friends in case she was lost, she insisted she was fine her with her new friends. She then asked who wants to sing another song, I thought that was a terrific idea as I produce a melodic “ get the fuck out of my campsite, get the fuck outta here”. Muffled laughter ensues and she sits there eating my crisps taking it on the chin and doesn’t leave, she stands up and starts ranting at me about respect and how much of an asshole I am, I snap and quite bluntly tell her to get her filthy hands off my crisps and get the fuck outta here
She walked off in tears and a few of my lady friends told me I was overly aggressive and a bit of an A- hole even though nobody wanted her there
Thankyou to anyone who has read this far, please deliver your gracious verdict
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
F5QAbkvswS74n86D6kDFwcErB76NjDiL
|
a7arhe
|
{
"description": "not writing a paragraph about how much I love my friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not writing a paragraph about how much I love my friend?
|
I was really depressed, and so my best friend worked super hard to throw a surprise birthday party for me with all my friends. Me and him have never had a fight and I loved him so much for it. Yesterday, we got the pictures back and I uploaded them on Instagram, tagged everyone and wrote how grateful I was. Not intentionally, I forgot to write about him specifically. 10 mins after having the pictures uploaded, he popped up and told me how pissed off he is. I keep apologizing because I'm genuinely sorry. I haven't gone to school today because I feel like absolute shit.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
NWYMPKbBpSNtLu0c9da1SYOuYKg3cBAq
|
afjt66
|
{
"description": "not speaking Spanish to hispanic customers",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For not speaking Spanish to Hispanic customers?
|
A little backstory; six or seven years ago, I took two years of Spanish as a fine arts credit, for high school. I loved it, but my Spanish is broken at best. Sometimes, Hispanic customers will come in and I default to English. They reply back in Spanish and i will reply in English, usually one word or two word responses (thank you!, have a nice night!, etc.).
I do know very little Spanish, which is usually Hola or Como te puedo ayudar, but it quickly dissolved into my barely being able to conversation, so I feel more comfortable speaking out in my native tongue.
They aren’t ever angry at me and usually do leave with a smile and good attitude, but I feel like I might be kind of an asshole because I didn’t learn as much Spanish as I could have and choose to not embarrass myself.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Fd8WjFDFBVKVMtfqBVzZ0u6z3W2nkeaO
|
a8jvi9
|
{
"description": "not wanting to hang out with my dad",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to hang out with my dad?
|
I'm recently 18 and my parents split a month before my birthday, which was completely fine to both of them. They're happier apart. This isn't my point. My parents had me late and my dad is currently in his late 50s, early 60s. He asks me every Friday if I can go to hang out at his house.
I suspect this is because he's lonely as his friends all live a while away. I always accept even though I feel like he shouldn't just stay home and sit around while I hide in a different room. I've suggested he go and join a few hobby groups with men who have similar interests, and given him opportunities to make friends. I don't want him to be lonely, but I don't want to be stuck away from socialising and having fun for myself every weekend.
AITA for wanting to not hang out with my dad every weekend?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
S9As81MA4wEngYDjrjk3dWaREHm0DHeu
|
b921se
|
{
"description": "sending a BPT mod an \"apology for being white\"",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for sending a BPT mod an “apology for being white”?
|
Obligatory apology for mobile formatting
So a couple days ago r/blackpeopletwitter made a statement that [“BPT is now for black folks only.”](https://www.reddit.com/r/BPTmeta/comments/b82dks/announcements_blackpeopletwitter_is_now_for_black/). Many people, as did i, thought this was an april fools joke. However, as of today what i thought was a joke had continued and the sub has gone private. The mods stated that “If your white, you may be afforded access if you appropriately apologize for your whiteness. White will be admitted on a case-by-case basis. “If you’re white, you may be afforded access if you appropriately apologize for your whiteness. Whites will be admitted on a case-by-case basis.”
Now to a white high schooler, this was incredibly racist towards me and i felt attacked. Just kidding! I was disappointed and kind of worried but i wasn’t attacked. I enjoy seeing posts from there and i’ve learned more about racism and social injustice and the like from there. Now, as the sub was a nice source of entertainment and enlightenment, I was disappointed. And as a white kid from the south surrounded by people who say racism isn’t real now and white privilege doesn’t exist, i was worried that ignorant people like myself would lose a valuable resource and window into another culture.
So, i sent the mod who made the original post a message to “apologize for my whiteness.”
[Pictures of my message](https://imgur.com/a/G0MEuvm)
Not only did i not get a response, i was blocked by the moderator and banned from BPT.
So i’m really worried now that i was racist or ignorant or something like that in my message. I truly do want to be my best self and be as loving to people of all color and types as i can, and now i fear that i’m not nearly as accepting as i hoped i was. so AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
o63Wnyiug5CCSDrGDdB9ulNpe44a7GEu
|
a99ikh
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pay for repairs to my car made without my permission",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pay for repairs to my car made without my permission?
|
Hi, I’m not a frequent poster but I’ve been really questioning this situation for awhile.
Over the Summer I worked at a camp, and I lent one of my coworkers my car last minute because his ride to an event he had the weekend off for flaked last minute. I was friends with the guy and trusted him, so I told him to just bring it back with a full tank of gas and it was cool. When he got back with my car, he told me that it was acting strange on the highway and took it to a local repair shop, where a technician did a full alternator replacement. He did not contact me about any of this until he got back, which I didn’t think much of at the time because we had little access to our phones during the day.
He wants me to pay the majority of the $350 the replacement costs, but I have some issues with this. First of all, the car, even though it has a lot of mileage on it, had never had any issues with the alrernator before. He also didn’t make any effort to contact me, despite the fact that he could have reached the camp even without me having my phone on person. Also, a little while after the alternator was replaced, i had to have the serpentine belt worked on, which i’m suspicious may have been damaged when the repairs were done. Most worrisome to me, I’m not even sure if the alternator replacement was necessary. All my coworker said was that the car was “actig weird” on the highway and that he thought it needed to go to a mechanic.
TLDR i lent a coworker my car and he had repairs done on it that i did not consent to and may not be necessary.
AITA for not wanting to pay for the majority of this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
FAYbdOc9rbFKFOQ5Hf5odX9atwRWNOwW
|
b2a1md
|
{
"description": "blocking my little cousin on Instagram",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For blocking my little cousin on Instagram?
|
Here's a little backstory: I am currently visiting my home country Uzbekistan from the US, Having the opportunity to even go to the US from my country is considered a big deal here.,. I haven't seen my little cousin in around 4-5years. He is 14 years old and once he found out I had an instagram he immediately made one. If im completely honest with you, He is SUPER annoying and is constantly making dirty jokes which aren't even funny. He has this annoying habit of bringing up the fact that I came from the US and sarcastically saying that im cooler and richer than he is for that fact. (I'm not even rich!) Ever since I came from the US he would constantly make jokes about how rich I am (which im not), and jokingly ask for 50$, this pisses me off (because he literally makes these jokes everyday), and when he notices that he says something like "Alright sorry, you're cool you're from America, and we're not." This further pisses me off. Now to the instagram part, when he made one he obviously requested to follow me, I thought about it for a minute but eventually just accepted it and followed him back. Next day when I see his profile I noticed he followed all my followers, I was kind of annoyed ( BUT THIS WASNT THE TIPPING POINT.) I was already having thoughts about blocking him but what made me super pissed was that he constantly kept showing me pictures of some of my girl friends and would say some annoying dumb shit like "Is this your girlfriend??" I'd say "No" to which he'd reply to " Don't lie." (he did this with multiple girls throughout the day) That was the last straw, so later on I blocked him, and when he found out he got kind of upset and hasnt talked to me in a while, I feel like what I did was kind of harsh but I honestly dont want to unblock him, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
BZWSf74dFtBlRhQUbyhK8VW889F1pMmw
|
acwewl
|
{
"description": "wanting my coworker with autism to do his job",
"pronormative_score": 31,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for wanting my coworker with autism to do his job?
|
I work in the dietary department at a hospital. We deliver food to patients, pick up their dirty meal trays, wash dishes, and more.
I work with a young man with autism. Which wouldn’t pose an issue, except everyone keeps using it as an excuse for why he “can’t” do his job. He’s perfectly capable, it’s just that they won’t let him.
“He can’t deliver trays because, you know, he’s autistic. It would stress him out too much,” says our head cook.
The rest of us are trained on the “janitor” position, which means you go get dirty trays and take out trash and recycling. But he never has been trained on it, despite being here for about 6 months already. Which leaves myself and the others on the janitor position for 4 days at a time.
He also likes to run off and hide in the locker room throughout the day, sometimes 20 or more minutes at a time. We all have noticed it, even my boss at one point, and she did nothing about it.
I’ve been trying to hold my tongue, because every time I say something to one of my coworkers, I hear, “Stop picking on him! He’s autistic, you know!” I’m not picking on him, he was hired to do a job, and he needs to do that job.
WIBTA for bringing this up to my boss? I feel like any employee, no matter if they have autism or not, should do what’s assigned to them and be held accountable for their actions.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 28,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 4
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 31,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
QBL3rWXNv6neBW2ex0Pe3i3YQq0Jj2z7
|
afu0fl
|
{
"description": "ending a friendship",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for ending a friendship?
|
Around a year ago I met a girl on Tinder and we started talking; she shared a lot about herself and her personal life in the month I knew her for (the fact that she was a trans woman and polyamorous, that she used to self harm etc); she seemed to be using me as her personal therapist- I kept telling her to see someone about the issues she was having but she said she couldn’t trust therapists with her problems.
One day she was telling me about how her ex girlfriend was messaging her again and she decided (for whatever reason) to send me a picture one of her scars that she had done in ‘tribute’ to this person after they broke up. Bear in mind that while the actual scar had healed, she decided to send me a picture of it that she had taken while it was still fresh (so there was a lot of blood).
I struggle with my own mental health at times so seeing that really wasn’t a good thing for me; I made the decision a few days later to block her with an explanation of why- the fact that seeing that picture affected my mental health negatively and that I couldn’t be her personal therapist and that I need to think about myself and put my health first.
TLDR; I blocked a person for dumping all of her personal feelings on me, all while refusing to get actual help from a trained therapist and sending me pictures of triggering material. AITA for doing this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
yDr5lwo3FVn3j4IW55bdM5K8BANZyY66
|
aau76q
| null |
AITA: punched a cop more than I probably needed to
|
I’m (24f) hearing impaired. I have an Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), which is something like dyslexia for sounds. Everything sounds jumbled unless I’m super focused, and sometimes even then I can’t sort out spoken language from things like road noise. If you’re curious about what it’s like, try downloading one of those free “Speech Jammer” apps where they play sounds into your ears with one on a slight delay. It makes speaking and understanding quite difficult for me.
That being said, I was walking in a poorly-lit parking lot toward the Walmart. I normally turn to look at my truck when I press the keyfob to double check that I locked it (the rear lights flash.) But, I had already walked too far away from my vehicle and the fob didn’t make it flash. I knew I would just worry about whether I’d locked it unless I doubled back to check, so I started back to be within range.
There was an officer in the parking lot. What it probably looked like to him was that I was walking toward the Walmart, saw him, and turned to run to my vehicle. In reality, I didn’t notice him, turned for a totally different reason, and then jogged the ten yards back because I’m a big worrywart.
He apparently called after me and announced that he was a cop (So his lawyer said), but I had no clue. The parking lot is by a major road, so there is a lot of traffic noise.
He caught up to me and grabbed me by the arm and pinned me against my truck. It being a parking lot at night, I assumed the worst. I yanked my arm free, and haymakered like my life depended on it, catching him in the temple. I really rung his bell, because he slumped against the tailgate.
I was terrified and in fight mode, because at that point he’d also totally have the grounds to shoot me since I’d punched him.
Here’s where I’m morally conflicted: I was able to see that he was a cop and that I had already injured him, but I hit him five more times in the head. I’m opposed to violence outside of sport or self defense, but I knew he’d possibly pull his gun. In total, I gave him him a bad concussion, broke his nose, and fractured his eye socket.
I called an ambulance and supported his neck until they got there.
The whole thing ultimately got settled out of public court. There was footage in the parking lot that very clearly showed him handling me roughly. Plus, I’m disabled, so I’m sure that would have looked really bad for the police department.
He privately apologized to me a few months after the incident.
I know the whole ordeal probably would have gone down a lot differently if I weren’t a tiny white lady...
I still feel bad about the amount of damage I caused. He now has some memory issues and had to retire early. Like, I generally dislike/distrust/loathe police, but I still hate the idea that I harmed someone more than I probably strictly needed to.
TL;DR
I don’t hear good, and a cop thought I was running from him. He grabbed me, and I punched him in the head. I was afraid of being shot, so I punched him more and now he has memory problems. Am I the asshole for having continued to hit him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 19,
"OTHER": 43,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 44,
"WRONG": 20
}
|
RIGHT
|
Q5GZzoOmaKsUEFtlIkGNLFK28tzFqJMS
|
al3dl9
|
{
"description": "emailing my teacher asking about last-Minute Grade adjustments",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA- Am I the Asshole for Emailing My Teacher Asking About Last-Minute Grade Adjustments?
|
Ok, first some background for the teachers out there who might think this sounds ridiculous.
This professor (let’s call her B) is a known NIGHTMARE. I have been in her class for only a semester (with another to come) and I’ve been through hell and back trying to stay on her good side. Here are a list of incidents (just in my class alone, I’ve heard horror stories from other periods but I’ll only include mine for credibility’s sake):
A student asked a clarifying question about a mistake the the teacher made in defining the variable type “Integer.” Said student was pulled out of class for 20 minutes (by B) and screamed at emphatically for disrupting the class and “confusing other students” who didn’t have as much experience with programming. Despite the fact that everyone in the class had been in programming classes for at least a year, she refused to acknowledge the fact that she was teaching students something that was blatantly wrong, instead choosing to make an example of the student and send him (crying) to the counselors office. Not only was this hugely disruptive to the class, but it was disgusting to see a kid who has never intentionally disrespected anyone in his life be reprimanded as if he was a multiple-offense derelict set on ruining our learning environment.
Another offense, happened today. A girl came back from lunch a minute (one single minute) late. Teacher let her back in the classroom and gruffly told her to go to her seat. The girl, let’s call her C, said “I’m sorry I’m late. I was in the bathroom, and I didn’t know when lunch ended until the bell had already rung.”
This is completely understandable. We were on a different schedule today because of inclement weather, and no one really knew the times. For such a minor transgression, any other teacher would have let it go. Not B, of course. The girl was already visibly upset, as B had been known to blow up on late students in the past. B proceeded to launch into a rant about how inappropriate it was for the girl to try and justify her actions, and C burst into tears. B finished her rant by informing C that she was going to be marked late, unexcused. C continued to cry until B yelled at her to get out of the classroom, which she did, running out sobbing as the other students watched in horror.
For the sake of length, I’ll refrain from telling the other litany of stories I have. But as I tell my piece, keep in mind that upon reporting her to admin I was informed that there are countless other reports being sent in about her.
So, cue me. I love learning, I tend to be an attentive student, generally interested in my classes, and always trying to stay on the right side of my teachers. I’m not disruptive, disrespectful, and I mind the rules of all my teachers, regardless of whether I like them or not. I knew B was going to turn out as a ball-buster from the first day I was in class with her, so I made it my mission to stay above the fray and keep on her good side.
I get A’s on all my assignments. I bring her gifts (thoughtful ones, in her case I most recently bought her a fuzzy blanket in her favorite color, red), and generally defend her to the other students when I hear them murdering about her temperament. I respect her. Never in my life would I do or say something to cross her, because it would sabotage all the work I’ve done to maintain a good relationship with her.
Now, the end of the quarter is today (Tuesday) and grades are due this Friday. It was supposed to end last Wednesday, but due to inclement weather it was extended. I was resolving some grade discrepancies with teachers, clarifying my quarter grades with some teachers who hadn’t updated their portal in a while. I was checking my grade in B’s class when I noticed that despite getting a 100 on my final for the semester, my grade had gone down to a 76. Now, I have never brought home a C in my LIFE. My parents are ultra strict, and I fear serious, SERIOUS consequence when I make bad grades. Bad test grades are grounds for severe punishments, but a C for the quarter, immortalized on my transcript forever? Death sentence. Turns out, I had missed several assignments early in the quarter, which she had just put in. I felt blindsided. They were easy to miss, but the worst part was: I had done the work, just not submitted it. I emailed her as respectfully as possible with the work attached. The following exchange is our email correspondence, verbatim.
Me: I know how late these are, and I completely understand if you choose not to accept them. I'm sorry these are so late, some of them I did but never turned in and others I did and didn't scan to turn them in. I know that I've been incredibly irresponsible this quarter when it came to turning in work, and I don't believe any excuse can justify it. My parents are ultra-strict, and I'm only emailing you in the last hope that I can have at least a B this quarter. I don't expect you to adjust my NOVA grade, but it is incredibly important to me that I don't bring home a C this quarter. I'd be happy to talk to you about it in class tomorrow.
B: I am sorry but grades went in already.
***Okay, pause. This sent off serious alarm bells in my head. If grades are closed already, then all my other grade discrepancies are too late to be resolved. Cue panic mode. I knew the quarter had been extended, but were teachers still closing their grading books at the usual date? No, they weren’t. This was her convoluted way of telling me “no, I’m not going to help you, it’s too late.” I misunderstood. Cue the message that sets her off, which again, had no intention of disrespect.
Me: How is that possible? I was under the impression that the quarter was extended until today.
B fires back minutes later, addressing me by my last name.
B: _______, I will be speaking with you today. I do not appreciate your tone. Expect to hear from your administrator as well.
Wow, that escalated quickly. I had no idea why she was so angry. Immediately I retracted my statement.
Me: I apologize, I truly did not mean any disrespect.
B: You are panicking for something you did to yourself - please do not take it out on me.
This confused me even more. How was I supposed to realize, when she hadn’t updated grades in months, that those assignments were ever missing? I take responsibility for not doing the assignments and understand her not wanting to grade them after so long, but I had never before been spoken to by a teacher this way. Take it out on her? I was confused, and upset. I was stressed about facing academic consequences, but now I also had to worry about receiving one of her 20 minute solo scream-sessions in class. I couldn’t handle that. I continued to retract my statement.
Me: I completely understand. I apologize for bringing it up.
B: It was not you bringing it up - it was your reaction when I told you no.
But that’s just it, she hadn’t told me no. She could’ve stated it that way and I would’ve understood, but she didn’t. I was upset at being reprimanded for a misunderstanding that seemed unavoidable. I had done so much to keep a good track record with her. I had hoped that our good relationship would help her understand the extreme stress and academic pressure I was feeling at home, but I also understood that I wasn’t entitled to it. I’ve considered emailing her again and apologizing further, but talking to her now feels like a minefield. AITA?
To clarify, this is a high school course. It is dual-enrolled through my local community college, and the students who choose to take such courses typically care about their learning and are dedicated to academic success. We’re not derelicts, as she so often treats us. We’re not college students, or adults who should know better. We’re kids. I’m a kid, and I care about respecting authority and maintaining academic integrity and success. I feel truly devastated by this, as I have never been talked to by a teacher this way. I’m genuinely curious to know what you guys think on this, because I’m open to the idea that I’m in the wrong. I’m trying to see it from her side, what do you guys think? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
I06TtfoOA3JJDBFNchsklWE9jg4KQonT
|
b9ucqq
|
{
"description": "not buying the books versions that my professor requires",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not buying the books versions that my professor requires?
|
So basically, I'm taking a political philosophy class right now where we're reading Machiavelli, Rousseau, Locke, Hobbes, and Hume. It's been pretty interesting, but my professor has been a massive stickler with me about this one point.
I come from a very poor background, and I'm very lucky to be at this school but most of the people here are wealthy and I don't know if he's had to deal with something like this. All of the books together cost $150, but I already owned different versions of them with different page numbers and references.
To be honest, I probably could have afforded them but it would have been a task to budget $150 for something I already owned. Our class is super discussion-based, and I get the right version from the library for class so I'm not confusing everyone with page numbers. But the loan period is only two hours, so I can't really use them effectively for papers so I cite my versions.
I've explained to him that I couldn't afford the books, but he keeps insisting that I should buy them so we're all on the same page. I totally get where he's coming from, but I just got a job after graduating and will need to put a deposit down on an apartment, so I don't want to drop any additional cash on books right now.
AITA in this situation? I'm doing well in the class, but he's kind of a rigid guy and thinks I'm slacking off when I actually am just trying to save my limited money.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
6LvyKutpSHtCQ69gTgfLHqHqCs5KuRKz
|
ahehvd
|
{
"description": "outing my friend to my parents",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
WIBTA if I outed my friend to my parents?
|
To preface this: I haven't seriously thought about this that much, and I know I probably would be the asshole, I just want some outside input. I'm also using an alt account as to not out anyone in this post.
I (M, 16, bi) have kept consistent contact with my friend (F, 17, lesbian, we'll call her Anna) since middle school, even though we went to different high schools. We have similar interests, senses of humour, etc. I have to admit I kind of did "like" (thats a word middle schoolers use right) her a little back in middle school, and she has said that her mom tried to encourage her to ask me out in 8th Grade, but that's all just stupid middle school stuff. There were a few other things, like when I and a couple of other friends had to help her get out of harassment from what I can only call the middle-school version of an r/niceguys guy, and the joke that "shipped" me with her, but once again, stupid middle school stuff.
Fast forward to now. I talk to her pretty much daily through text. She has an actual girlfriend (We'll call her Sarah, she doesn't really factor into the story other than her existence though) now as opposed to an "I have a girlfriend go away" kind of thing which she had for a while. Sarah seems nice and tbh they're cute together, but I digress. Anna is out to a lot of people she knows, but not to her or my parents yet. I remain single (I mean I'm on Reddit, what did you expect) and not out (coming out as bi isnt that difficult comparatively but still) to my family mostly because of my brother's seemingly constant homophobic comments even though he has full knowledge that Anna, the closest person I have to a "best friend", is gay.
Now my parents have been asking the normal "have you found yourself a girlfriend" questions, but have also been kinda weird about her, things like assuming I have a thing with her or I'm attracted to her, or even trying to set us up. It's been getting really annoying, especially the setup efforts. I had the idea of just telling my parents that she's gay and has a girlfriend to get them to stop, but I feel like that would be unfair to her, and even if I told my parents not to tell anyone, it has been proven I can't trust that when my parents promise that.
TL;DR WIBTA if I told my parents my lesbian friend was lesbian because they keep trying to set me up with her?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
4XP7yc4rxa87eCyDDMM4J06d0hzM61jj
|
aev3u7
|
{
"description": "not including my girlfriend in my fantasies after she looked through my computer and found my pornography",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For not including my girlfriend in my fantasies after she looked through my computer and found my pornography?
|
My girlfriend just moved into my home. This is the first time I have ever been in a live in situation with a woman, but we both felt that after dating for eight months it would be a nice next step.
There have been several bumps. For one, I am used to living alone. I realize however that some things would change, but I just haven't fully changed my living habits yet.
One of these habits is that I enjoy watching pornography on my laptop. Not just that, this is not exactly "normal" pornography. I have been diagnosed with APD (antisocial personality disorder), and display the characteristics of a sociopath. I medicate with several antipsychotics and antidepressants. My girlfriend knows about this and accepts it.
However, I find sexual gratification from extreme scenarios. My therapist is aware of this and discourages me from engaging in violent fantasy, but I do it anyway. Without going in to too many details, I routinely look up fantasy rape porn, and snuff films to masturbate too.
Recently my now live in girlfriend was using my laptop without permission, and discovered a rape fantasy in my bookmarks. She confronted me about this, and I was enraged that she went through my computer without permission.
She knows that I enjoy BDSM from our own sexual encounters, and she herself is highly into the "kink" scene, as well as having her own rape fantasies. However, her fantasies are much different than mine, and she doesn't truly understand that. I also don't think she truly grasps what im going through with APD as I don't like to discuss it with her.
She herself very playfully brought up me participating in a rape fantasy with her where I pretend to be a home invader, which was the subject of my rape fantasy video. I react very negatively about this. The desire is there on my part, but there would be a mix of reality and fiction that worries me given my disorder.
The BDSM we engaged in was still under the pretense of consent (ie instead of her being my "victim" she was a willing sextoy who I dominated).
She is very weirded out by reaction, and finds it disturbing that I can't separate reality from fiction. Which I CAN, thats why I realize fusing the two would be very extreme. She is now angry because I am not communicating, when we both agreed we could talk about anything.
I feel very conflicted about the entire situation, I feel angry, lustful, and now I feel like I shouldn't have dismissed her so quickly. I also feel angry that she even presented me with the temptation.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
qSdOlx2cVhf0RsuC5ILCNlvCvyxDa7pM
|
ap8w33
|
{
"description": "telling hr about a potential hire having a history of embezzling",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I told HR about a potential hire having a history of embezzling?
|
This is a weird question I know that, but I have talked to a couple of people and we're all conflicted. To render a much longer story short, about 10 years ago when I was getting back into the work force after having kids I was briefly an admin assistant at a college. Part of my job was reconciling expenses for my superiors. Most of it was mundane, except my direct boss kept failing to give me receipts or gave me receipts that were really just scribbles on a piece of paper for art. When I asked questions he would always insist that Kenya or Thailand or wherever he had been didn't have receipts.
It was a line he said often, and it seemed likely my predecessor had just accepted it. But I traveled extensively and knew that couldn't possibly be true. I was knew and had no proof of wrongdoing so I would send those expenses (always substantial and often cash withdrawals )on to the next level with a note that no receipt existed as per internal protocol. Over time I also noticed that the art or whatever he purchased was not on display in our offices, but it was a big campus so I assumed it was possible it was in one of the other buildings. Still I asked a lot of questions as the months went by and each trip's expenses looked the same odd way.
He fired me during my probationary period in a way that led to the institution retracting his termination letter and giving me substantial severance in addition to my unemployment. (He put in writing that I was failing to read his mind so you know, not a thing that wanted me to take to an employment lawyer) It was frustrating and seemed catastrophic at the time because my husband had just been laid off but ultimately I got a better job with great benefits elsewhere.
After I left, my replacement also noticed the bizarreness of his expenses. She went a step further and actually set up a meeting with a superior and took the risk of directly pointing out the pattern of money leaving for goods that didn't seem to exist within the institution. They called me in to ask me some questions and I was able to validate that he was indeed claiming receipts didn't exist in various countries. Eventually because of our combined paper trail a forensic accountant got involved. The rumored amount embezzled was 85K, there was no question he had been embezzling but he made a deal to repay it and left the institution eventually. He went on to work elsewhere in another state which I only know because I used to see him at conferences for our shared field. He stayed in academia though at a much less prestigious university. I'm on the industry side, and frankly we pay better so I was always privately amused when I would run into him. Until now I never said a thing to anyone on the industry side.
I do not know what happened at his last institution, but he has been applying on the industry side, and I'm on the review panel at my job. On paper his credentials are great, but we have corporate cards and we travel. Part of me says he's probably learned his lesson, and part of me remembers just how arrogant and blatantly he was stealing when we worked together. WIBTA if I gave HR a heads up?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
xlcTUkBsBH8oa7mc03ql449n0S6Qrtfj
|
apgr08
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my friend over Minecraft sheep",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my friend over Minecraft sheep
|
This is my first post here, so sorry in advance if this doesn't read well
So firstly, I'm a bit of a casual gamer. I normally just play Minecraft alone or with my boyfriend. So, when a couple of my friends invited me to play, I prewarned them that I wouldn't be very much help, but came on with them anyway.
Straight off the bat, they were way further along on this server than me (no surprise, since I was new and they had been playing for a while) so I left to a nearby small island that had a few farm animals on it. I had found a couple white sheep and a lot of flowers, which I turned into dye and I coloured my sheep.
I was about to grow some wheat to breed my sheep and make an orange sheep, when one of my friends attacked my sheep in order to get them into a pen. I was quite upset about this and asked him to please not hurt my sheep again. He proceeded to knock me into said pen, which I am aware was just a playful thing.
He them picked up my sheep with a leash, flew them into the air,and dropped them, killing them both. I was so in shock that I left the server and ended my call with him.
What I want to know is, am I the asshole here?
(upvote this so cuestar can see this and read it out loud. I'm a big fan of his AITA series)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
IYRZLQAIZqzEb09VcacWuWwEERiScgoc
|
au8m93
|
{
"description": "telling my sister to get over a breakup that happened over a year ago",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 70
}
|
AITA for telling my sister to get over a breakup that happened over a year ago?
|
For context, my sister lives with me. It's a situation I can't do anything about because my parents own the house and rent it out to me. There is no formal lease, or rental agreement, so I'm kind of stuck with her. Since she moved in last summer, she just mopes around the house, like a dark cloud. Her fiance broke up with her right at the beginning of last year. She has not dated anyone since and says she's done with dating. She is extremely bitter and negative at all times. She stalks her ex's social media profiles and apparently his new girlfriend is pregnant. My sister is extremely salty about this since she found out... last month. She's been on a tear about it for a month. I know she had a miscarriage and all when they were together, but come on. Finally I told her flat out she needed to move the fuck on and get over it. She has been avoiding me since. So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 64,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 4
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 70
}
|
WRONG
|
Dj8yic0dbsu3he1MX2aHUXqFGnXbdfSA
|
atkvmf
|
{
"description": "getting frustrated with how little my boyfriend decides to tell me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA if I'm getting frustrated with how little my boyfriend decides to tell me?
|
Me and my boyfriend have known each other for 6-ish years, and have been together in a long-distance relationship for about 6 months. The problem is that recently he's started to put a lot less effort in, never texting me first, never replying to my texts with more than a couple of words, etc. I've obviously been extremely worried, trying to ask if there was anything I could do, or say, or if he just wanted to be left alone for a while, and happily went with whatever he told me. I've tried directing him towards getting some kind of help, but he's so far refused to. This has been going on for weeks.
When I finally told him that this was making me feel kind of unwanted while I saw him interacting perfectly normally with his other girlfriend ~~(we all know about each other- this was not an initial issue whatsoever!)~~ on social media, he finally decided to tell me that she had just gotten a diagnosis of something and that he's just having an emotional time right now. He immediately says that he 'likes dramatically withdrawing into a depression spiral', and suggests that I give him some time, which I'm perfectly happy to do. He can have all the time he needs, no problem!
However, I also told him that it had been really frustrating to not fully know what was going on and watching him refuse any and all kinds of help. It felt like I was meant to sit there knowing nothing and expecting nothing from him while watching them live out their life from instagram, to which he replied that the world doesn't revolve around me. We haven't spoken since.
Reading it back, it looks like we're both kind of mean. Maybe AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
K0ilcOBP7x6DHJdwoxHbMzpij9Zs88VT
|
b63swg
|
{
"description": "finally telling my dad to back off",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For finally telling my dad to back off
|
Context: I had a post before on this sub where I explained that my father has yelled at me for everything and has blamed me for everything ever since I could remember. I wondered if cutting ties with him after high school would be an a-hole move. In the comments, people suggested that I talk with my father heavily about our relationship. This is what happened. Also, sorry for bad format, I'm on mobile.
I decided to sit down with my dad and explained to him how I felt about everything. The yelling, the consistent blaming for his wrongs, and him making light of my serious relationship. We talked for a solid two minutes before he scoffed and said that I was overreacting. I got angry, but kept my cool and continued. After ten minutes, he laughed and told me to stop acting like a baby. This tipped me over the edge and I stood up, telling him to shut his mouth for once. I yelled everything at him, all the specific times I could remember of him mentally abusing me. I told him that he couldn't get it through his thick skull that I was hurt by him. He went around the table and grabbed my arm, he raised his hand and treated to hit me. I told him to do it, and see what happens. Instead, he shoved me back and as I was walking away, trying to diffuse the situation he muttered that I was a mistake. I turned and pushed him, causing him to stumble and he grabbed me, tossed me across the room, not airborne of course, and told me to get out of his house. I felt like I was the one who escalated the situation. So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
0sZWuis3L8h2hXGWoOBYoWKuwtJSItXA
|
a22qcf
|
{
"description": "sending a dick pic",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for sending a dick pic?
|
While snapchatting with a girl during the early evening, she sent me a «coupon for 1 free nude». I jokingly responded that i’d send one later. While i drank with a couple of my friends, she asked me «where did the nude go?». I kinda laughed the question off, while continuing on with the conversation.
After my friends got home and i was laying in bed, she sent the same «1 free nude cupon» and i thought «fuck it, whatever» and sent her a dick pic, ending the conversation.
The next day, i spoke to her, and she was mad at me, claming «a nude is not a dick pic».
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
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