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{
"description": "ghosting a friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for ghosting a friend
|
My friendship with "rachel" has been tumultuous over the 10 years we've been friends. She makes very poor decisions and expects me to either help her out of whatever mess shes in or listen to her whine and complain.
Example: she decided to furnish her home with "rent to own" furniture and electronics. The type of situation where you pay a small amount every month but you pay for years. You end up paying 3x what the furniture is worth. Ok. Not the best idea but not a disaster. But then she started getting calls from the rental company encouraging her to "upgrade" her furniture and electronics. She upgraded. When i pointed out that not only did she increase her payments she extended her debt another 5 years. She told me to mind my own business. Fair enough. But then she whines about her debt to this company.
The last straw for me was when. We went out for dinner and she whined and complained the whole time about how she cant get out from under the "crushing debt". But in the next breath shes bragging about the new 4k tv she just purchased(rented?) through this company. I basically tuned her out but then the bill for dinner came. Suddenly she "didnt know it would be this much" even though its a restaurant we frequented. She hinted strongly that i should treat her because shes saddled with horrible debt. I paid to avoid causing a scene. On the walk home i decided i couldnt take it anymore. So the next time she texted i ignored it.
I feel terrible because we have been friends for a long time. But i also feel like shes never going to stop complaining. I dread talking to her. I never thought id ghost anyone. But i feel like there is no choice here.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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adz72o
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{
"description": "yelling at a rapist's enabler bff",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for yelling at a rapist’s enabler bff?
|
So big trigger warning if you can’t hear about sexual assault or abuse of victims.
But am I the asshole here?
The short of the story is that I dated this dude for a year, we’ll call him Jake. And I started figuring out pretty quickly that Jake was problematic as fuck. And the longer we were together, the more I had to call him out on his shit.
He groped me at a party after I said no repeatedly, he set me up on a blind date with this dude who thought I was hot without my consent (and told me we were just hanging out with him to play video games until the last minute when he told me the truth). He lied to me about a lot of things big and small, and he gave me an STI without any disclosure whatsoever that he had one. And the longer I dated him, the more I heard him tell stories about how he’d ‘get crazy drunk’ with female friends and then fuck them. And as he kept telling me these stories, I realized that at least two of them had made it super clear in front of me that they weren’t interested in him.
Every time one of these offenses happened, it would be a fight. We’d go in circles for hours. I spent a lot of time doing my best to patiently explain why these things were wrong and that he needed to stop. But it was of course super frustrating because he wasn’t taking real accountability. As it went on, he started gaslighting me and telling me I was overreacting, and then we’d fight about what gaslighting was and why THAT wasn’t okay. It was a damn mess.
Needless to say, we broke up. But st some point, I had committed myself to trying to hold him accountable rather than just bailing on the relationship. So what ended up happening was, he made up a manipulative situation where he tried to claim he was mad at me after he fucked up, and then when I tried to get a hold of him to be like ‘what on earth did I do? What do you mean you’re mad at ME?’ He refused to answer or take my calls, no explanation, and then started telling all our mutuals that I was crazy and stalking him. He basically tried to escape from the accountability, and also frame me as crazy so that nobody would believe me if I told them.
THAT was the last straw for me. At this point I was finally convinced that this dude was dangerous and there was nothing I’d be able to do to get him to change.
So I went to his roommate/bff. I went to this dude we’ll cal Albert, and I reached out first to say ‘hey, I’m super concerned about a bunch of things regarding Jake, can we sit down over a cup of coffee? Because it’s a lot.’ I regret now doing this all in person, but we’ll get to that.
Albert agreed, so we sat down and I laid out everything that had happened to me, as well as everything Jake had told me about. In addition, Jake told me how he had a restraining order against him for raping someone in college. Someone we all still knew. So I felt like I had a lot of reasons to be both angry, but also concerned. And because Jake had created this whole stalker narrative, I was afraid to talk to anyone about this, and I was afraid to go public myself. I felt powerless.
Albert agreed with me that I had reason to be concerned. He was very reassuring. And he basically told me ‘don’t worry. I’ll take point on this.’ So I trusted him.
A few months later, I had moved on. I left our whole friend group because I didn’t feel safe there anymore, and I was trying to get on with my life. And Albert reached out to me on Facebook and says ‘hey I just want you to know, I’ve decided to try and rehabilitate Jake. I’m gonna try to hold him accountable.’ And I was like ‘are you kidding me? I already tried that. And I already TOLD you I tried that. He hasn’t even apologized to me or shown remorse for anything he’s done.’
And Albert was basically like ‘sorry you feel that way.’ So tough titties for me, I guess.
I also asked Albert what exactly that meant. Did he go down the list of behaviors and tell Jake to stop them? And Albert was just like ‘nah I asked him if he understood he’d fucked to and he said yes, so I think he got the point’. Massive eye roll on my part. But what was I gonna do?
Fast forward to a year later. A mutual friend of ours, Catherine, reaches out to me and asks me if I’ve heard anything about Jake having negative/predatory behavior.
I was too afraid to tell anyone else what had happened because Jake was telling everyone I was a stalker. So I’d kept loosely in touch with Catherine, but once she asked for info, I unloaded everything I knew Then Catherine told me that Jake had assaulted two more women at a con, and she was about to go public with everything. She did, and it caused a huge stir in our community, as those things do.
But shortly after the truth came out, Albert starts posting on Facebook about how shocked he was, and how he had been ‘following his blind optimism and believing the best about his friend’. He went on and on about how much he was hurting, and it was a clear grab for sympathy.
That was it for me. I lost my damn MIND and went off on him publicly. He was making all this about HIM, and how hurt he was that his bff was raping women, but dude, you weren’t a victim! You weren’t one of the (now many) femmes that this dude actually hurt! And when I tried to tell you, you blew me off! A year ago!
So I went O F F. Told him that this ‘blind optimism’ bit was bullshit and that he was actively choosing one man in his life over many women. And further, it was a roommate, so he was protecting and enabling this dude because he didn’t want to lose the house they shared, or give up Jake doing all the work Jake was doing to keep things together for the household. He had a lot to gain by keeping it quiet, and a lot to lose by doing the right thing. Even after Catherine outed Jake as a serial rapist and abuser, it took like 4 more months for Albert to kick him out of the house.
But here’s the thing. Albert is super popular. When I went off on him, he fought back and started attacking my character.
He said that ‘the reason I didn’t believe you or keep you involved is that you’re a toxic, emotionally violent, vindictive bully.’ And he started trying to imply that I was lying, breaking down some of the timelines and details of what I was saying, questioning the truth of it all. And several other people chimed in and came to his defense, calling me similar names, or saying basically ‘how dare I kick Albert when he’s down’.
So I backed down and unfriended him, and decided to remove myself from the conversation. Nobody had ever called me any of those things before. And I don’t honestly know if they’re true. I’ve been wondering ever since. But of course I also can’t help but feel like maybe he was just trying to deflect and discredit me to cover his own ass.
But if they are true, does that impact things? Would me being a toxic person mean I should have stayed out of it?
Was I wrong to call him out on what I perceived to be misogynistic behavior, disbelieving women, and enabling a rapist?
Am I wrong to feel like he betrayed me personally and owed me an explanation?
Thank y’all for reading, I know it’s a lot.
I’m still really hurting over this, obviously.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
9thswh
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{
"description": "friend zoning a girl without any warning",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For friend zoning a girl without any warning?
|
A few months ago I started drivers ed (sophomore) and next to me was one of the more popular senior girls at my school. Naturally, I was nervous and rarely would ever speak to her. However, we started to become closer and closer, to the point that we would talk to each other on the phone constantly at night. Things seemed to be headed towards a relationship but I did notice some red flags as I got to know her more and more. Eventually, I asked her out and it went well. However, I didn't feel right about knowing that I was getting myself ready to soon have to say goodbye to this girl because she'll be headed off to college soon. So I ended up just saying how I wanted to stick as friends. Now, she rarely talks to me and shoots me this evil eye everytime we make eye contact. AITA for taking the friend zoning route?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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}
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b6nt9y
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{
"description": "saying no to working as a photographer for my dad's company",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If I said no to working as a photographer for my dad's company?
|
So, a little bit of context here: I just turned 17, and I currently am and have been unemployed for all my life. My dad's been pushing for me to get a job since I was 15 because of my fierce spending habits(I have been incredibly spoilt by both parents for my entire life. I know, I'm a spoilt shit blah blah blah, but that's not the question at hand.) My dad runs a clothing company in where he supplies clothes to multiple different retail stores. It is not a big company, with only about 3 employee's not including himself. It makes an income that is incredibly inconsistent, yet has never gone into the red. This has caused my dad to become very conservative when it comes to money and spending in general.
​
So last Thursday my dad came home and told me that I could do a quick job at his company. My job was essentially to work as a photographer for the models he had already hired because hiring actual, professional photographers was incredibly expensive ($100+/hour) The idea was that he would buy a cheap camera and I would try to become the best photographer I could in 3 days. I assumed this was going to be a one time thing and I had nothing else to do anyway since it was spring break, so I went with it.
​
The next day was my 17th birthday. My dad went off to work but left me a birthday present: a car. A 2004 Grand Cherokee. This was not something I asked for, mind you. This was a complete surprise. I knew that my dad would help me fund a car to some extent (We had talked about him funding 1/2 of the car that I would buy) but the idea was that I would get the car when I could legally drive, which happens to be in about 5 months from now. I was thankful of course, but not as thankful as I probably should have been since the idea of buying a car was not even in my mind yet. This comes into play later.
​
Now, fast forward to the day after the shoot: Monday. Turns out, the pictures I took were good. Good enough for both the model and the people editing the pictures not to question my skills as a photographer. My dad took this and ran with it, booking two more sessions on the spot without mentioning a word to me until Wednesday. He booked a shoot for Friday and for Sunday. Luckily, I had nothing planned for either of those days, so I have no problems with doing either of those shoots. The problem is that I know for a fact that once I do these shoots, he's going to keep booking shoots with the idea that I would be the photographer and work for free, i.e paying off the debt of the car.
​
I don't particularly enjoy photography, however. It's not something I would like to be doing on a regular basis. Add to that the 6 hour, semi randomly occurring shoots that he has made clear I don't have too much control over, and it's creating a very foreign situation and I'm not sure if I should continue with it or not.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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NOBODY
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{
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RIGHT
|
hPlkhSvp1gThhuZyPH8gCjToUyoJIIN8
|
ayg74g
|
{
"description": "thinking my roommate owes my friend an apology",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA because I think my roommate owes my friend an apology?
|
I had some friends over and we were having some wine. My roommate was holed up in her room as usual. She came out and asked us to keep it down, which was fine! One of my friends asked her to join us. She said she doesn't drink. We were all pretty tipsy at this point and kind of teasing her, inviting her to have a drink. She screamed that she was an alcoholic. My good friend blurted out, "how can you be an alcoholic if you don't drink?" And my roommate said: I don't know, how can you be a man if you have a vagina? My friend is trans. Everyone was stunned and she stomped off back to her room. It kind of harshed our whole vibe and my friends left not long after.
I absolutely think she should apologize for what she said. Everyone agrees with me except her. She said my friend shouldn't have disrespected her in her own house and because *I* did not shut it down, as she felt it was my duty to check my guests, she said what she did. We've been arguing about it and she refuses to budge on her stance which basically comes down to "you receive the energy you give", which is a fucked up bastardization of "treat others how you want to be treated" her philosophy is she treats others how they treat *her*, or how she perceives they've treated her, in this case. Still, I don't think it's okay, I don't think lightly ribbing someone gives her an excuse to be transphobic in return. I told her she needs to apologize and she says the whole situation was *my* fault for not controlling my guests better and it would have never escalated to that point if *I* had stepped in.
So, I ask you, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
2NApxkKPBHXn7T89ejP5ADftlvXJz8Vm
|
b7i9nr
|
{
"description": "being grossed out by a video game system covered in a porn skin",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being grossed out by a video game system covered in a porn skin?
|
Coming up with a good title for this one was hard tbh. Apologies for poor grammar
A friend of mine has a Nintendo Switch with an ahegao face skin on it (if you don't know what that is, look it up) and he brings it into school (high school) all the time and plays on it constantly where everyone can see. I frankly find it disgusting and upsetting to see everywhere I go and this specific friend already has a reputation for being a creep. I tell him, often, that I find it upsetting and creepy (maybe not in the nicest way possible). My boyfriend pulled me aside the other day and asked me to stop mentioning it because it's hurting the friends feelings and getting personal. I said that I would stop making a particular joke about it (he would play with the joycons and I'd ask him to wash his hands) but that I wouldn't stop mentioning it until I had to stop looking at it. My boyfriend says I could just ignore it because my mentioning of it irritates him, but I feel like in this situation, my friend's want to display his skin is more important than my comfort. He says I've made my point several times and nothing has come of it and he's tired of hearing about it. I said I was tired of seeing it. I am not the only person at our school who finds it uncomfortable either. I'm just the only person who's mentioned it.
AITA? I really do feel disgusted when I see the skin in such a public setting. It's not that I'm prudish, I just think there's a time and place for everything and school isn't the place for that.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
9MZ5DqHh7phFJuSvzDKrN2O1y0iCwaeF
|
b65us2
|
{
"description": "not wanting us to park on a disabled spot despite me technically being disabled",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting us to park on a disabled spot despite me technically being disabled?
|
So this argument between me and my friend F. actually happened a little over a week ago but I had no idea this sub existed until today. To understand the issue we had you need to know that I'm technically considered disabled, both due to various chronic illnesses as well as due to being blind on one eye and visually impaired on the other. I am not however mobility impaired. The visual impairment disqualifies me from driving any vehicles so one of my friends usually drives me when I have to go to the city for some reason, in this instance for a new pair of shoes as the soles started to separate on my current pair. F. had to go to the city to run errands anyway and invited me to come along, which I was very thankful for.
When we arrived in the city there were a lot of people and the parking spots near the shoe store were all taken except for one disabled parking spot. The next open parking spot was two blocks away. F. thought that we should park on the spot reserved for disabled people because, after all, I *am* disabled. I on the other hand was very insistent that we park the two blocks away and just walk to the shoe store since, while I am disabled I am not in fact mobility impaired and think the special parking spots should be reserved for people who need the additional space for their mobility aids. Not only that, I also felt uncomfortable because I thought people would stare at and judge me because you'd have to look very very closely to notice that there's something wrong with me. I do not look disabled. We had a short argument in the car, she said I was narrow-minded and ornery, I responded that I couldn't morally take up a parking spot that wasn't meant for me and didn't want to be shamed by people... Long story short, we parked 2 blocks away and walked.
Now it's not like that made a dent in our friendship or anything, as soon as we left the car we both moved on but she was jokingly pestering me about it this morning and I just want to know whether I'm the asshole in the situation for making us walk 2 blocks because I was afraid of people judging me or if I was justified in asking her to park somewhere else. My friend knows how thankful I am for her help as I tell her so often, and neither of us had or have any ill feelings towards each other about the argument. It was more of a friendly squabble anyway, we're not the type to actually fight or make a big deal out of stuff like that. I just want to know if I should apologize to her and behave differently next time.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
IzqTqMtlsOMYcy3pCViDMTiDJlYvhwMT
|
audzik
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{
"description": "getting my friend kicked out the bus",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for getting my friend kicked out the bus?
|
This has been on my conscience ever since I feel really bad. This happened a few weeks ago and I need some opinions. I don’t want anyone close to actually know so that is why I am posting this here.
Backstory: My friend and I have been like best friends ever since middle school and I have seen his house and the conditions he lives in. He is not living in a bad condition, but (I don’t feel comfortable saying this) lets say he is unfortunate (I don’t want to go into detail).
Ok so this is where it starts:
There are these sophomores on the bus where my friend and I used to ride (until he got kicked off). We are freshmen. They were always up to no good (from what I have seen), but never really did anything in sight of the driver. Anyways, so they bring a cigarette and/or vape one day and use it secretly. Me being traumatized by my parents over the years that drugs are bad for you, I tell my friend that we should probably move up front. He insists that it is ok and that I should not be a “wuss.” I accept it, and just try to ignore them. I notice when they are vaping/smoking that they keep in the smoke in and just leave it be. My friend keeps on being obvious at staring at them, and they offer to him to try to vape. I’m thinking “he is obviously going to say no” but was I wrong. He tries it, and I feel infuriated. I move down one seat (the juniors were in front of us) and stay there and ignore them all. When we get to school, I let everyone get off (including them without being obvious by pretending to get something out of my backpack). I make no eye contact with my friend and he just passes by. I don’t know what else he did, but thats all I saw. Then, I talk to the bus driver to tell him what happened, and he asks for names. I tell him the names of the 3 juniors that were mainly involved, and with little hesitation, I tell him my friends name.
Fast forward to lunch the next day (he was not on the bus), I find out (by him telling me) that he has been kicked off the bus. He was called to the front office and they called his mom the day before. His mom is at work and no one can pick him up, and I start to feel really guilty. She is practically forced to come for her son while she is working. He is obviously really down when he tells me this (at lunch the next day) and the more I think about it, the more I feel guilty and hurt. I see him being brought to school by her mom while I know she should be at work since really early in the morning. She works really hard and it just hurts me the more I think about it.
Sorry if this makes little sense. I’ll take any criticism.
Should I have approached the situation differently? Like talked to him about it? He obviously needs the bus to get to school and home. BTW I don’t know how he does not suspect me but I guess he believes I would never.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
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b0vjq8
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{
"description": "shaking a water bottle at a kid",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for shaking a water bottle at a kid?
|
There's a kid (Edward) who sits next to me and brings salad to class every single day in a plastic container. And everyday, he takes a little packet of the ranch, drizzles it on top, closes the lid, and ... begins shaking. Edward goes to town on that salad like it's a maraca and it's LOUD. He won't stop for at least 10 minutes, and I've timed it (with occasional brakes that only makes it that much more annoying when he starts again). And to top it all off, he starts cronching on that salad for the rest of period when we have lunch the very next period. It's the shaking that gets to me more than the crunching though.
I've asked him to stop. I've asked him to just drizzle it over like a normal human being. I've asked him to mix it in the container with a fork like a slightly less normal human being. But he won't and he claims "it tastes better this way."
A week ago, I was extra pissed since I failed my stat test the period before, so when Edward began his ritual again, I kinda lost it. I picked up my water bottle and started vigorously jacking it.
​
Edward paused for a moment, "What are you doing?"
Me: "Shaking my water bottle." \*shake shake\*
Edward: "Stop it."
Me: "Why?" \*shake shake\*
Edward: "Stop it! You're mocking me."
Me: "What? No, it tastes better this way." \*shake shake\*
Edward: "You're an asshole."
Me: \*shake shake\*
​
Every since then I've begun shaking my water bottle whenever he shakes his salad. He gets pissed and calls me a dick, but he's stopped shaking his salad the last few days. Mission was a success, but do my methods make me an asshole?
Note: Our teacher won't let us change seats because I need a better reason than, "we don't get along."
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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9yvtpz
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{
"description": "not wanting my gf to marry someone else",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my GF to marry someone else?
|
Okay so my girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year and a couple days ago she asked me if she could marry someone else. Naturally I needed more context because though we have our issues (see my r/relationships post for more info) we are in a good place right now.
Now for the context. Her friend's relative is in danger of being deported to Venezuela and pretty much his only option to stay in the United States is for him to get married. So her friend asked her if she would be okay with him marrying her long enough to obtain citizenship. However she does not want to take a break from our relationship to do so, she is willing to continue to date me while being married to him.
When I told her that I don't want to become a mistress in a relationship that I have been in for almost a year, she claimed that though we would still be dating, she would just be married to him and learning enough about him to prove the marriage is legitimate and keep him here. She says that everything would be fine between the two of us but I am still not comfortable with the idea.
I should also mention that I have not met the friend or her relative so I cannot say if he is a good person. And my GF has been friends with her since high school (we're sophomores in college). She has not met the relative in danger of being deported.
So AITA? I don't think I am but the more she brings it up, maybe I'm just being selfish and should just put my feelings aside.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b6oyyc
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{
"description": "not letting my best friend go through my texts with my other friend",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting my best friend go through my texts with my other friend?
|
I know this seems like a shitpost but my friend keeps bothering me about it so I wanted an opinion.
I (M14) have a friend (F14) and we met in January. Over the course of a few months we've grown were close and we've told each other some very personal things.
My friend says I'm being an asshole for not showing him because "Its long distance and she'll never know" and "Real friends show each other everything."
So reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b8qoy7
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{
"description": "still being mad at my dad for giving me an ear condition",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for still being mad at my dad for giving me an ear condition.
|
So basically, my dad likes to scare us/ startle us and one day he woke me up from a nap by slamming pots and pans together over my head. He's a strong person, and it was excruciatingly loud. Ofc I woke up and took out the trash (he woke me up cause i needed to roll out the bins). Later in the day i noticed my ears were ringing. Then, as I lay awake in my bed trying to sleep; I heard this drilling noise. I realized it was coming from my fan. So I turned off my fan and that was that. The next day, my fan sounded like a siren; the pitch dropping and going back up; endlessly. It was really scary. The more I thought about the sirens, the more it appeared in everyday noises. The wind sounded like a siren. Our fan did. The bathroom fan. I asked him to go to the doctor but he refused the first few times. Eventually, I was convinced I had some form of schizophrenia and confided in my parents. His first reaction was laughing; but then he realized i was serious and gave me some advice/ told me i shouldn't go to doctor because I would be labeled. Anyhow; I kept researching and found something called *Diplacusis* that made sense; and you can treat it with a special type of sound: Pink Noise. After I listened to the Pink Noise, I took off my headphones and my ears were normal again. It was great. I need to listen to it every few days; but for the most part I'm better. Anyhow, AITA for still being mad at him for not helping me through it? He thinks it was a joke and I'm taking it way to seriously.
​
I think he's a pretty good dad, despite all this, I just wish he had some remorse.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ayzesk
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{
"description": "expecting her to pay",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for expecting her to pay
|
First post, also on mobile. LONG POST.
So she gets us to babysit her cat for 2 weeks.
We told her that she'd have to deflea and deworm him b4 he came over, all of her animals have fleas because she usually had barn animals in her apt, she told us that she did and so kitten comes over to stay with me.
2 weeks turns into 3, then a month and then 2 months l8r and my apt is in the middle of the fleapocalypse, I'm spraying carpets, bathing cats, washing everything and I think my cat is going crazy so I take her to the vet to check for feline sensitivity and I find out that she's not crazy she just has EXTREMELY BAD FLEAS PLUS WORMS AND AN ALLERGY. My fam has 5 cats, so this kitten has infested my house with fleas when he had supposedly been DEFLEAD AND DEWORMED. So I had to fork up the $625 to get the topical deflea and topical dewormer for 5 cats.
This lady didn't abide by our agreement, my cats did not have fleas or worms prior to her kitten arriving in my apt, so I sent her the bill explaining everything and why she's being charged for it.
As expected she flips out talking about her anxiety and how much stress its causing her and that she doesn't deserve it and I'm just like okay look you can't rub some rosemary on your cat and rinse him off that's not how parasites work.
She goes on about how I should've told her b4 and how it's unfair and im like it's my cat I don't have to tell you when I'm taking her to the vet as she's not yours. I trusted you and u f*cked that up so now u get the bill. Next day she comes to get her kitten which I also bought meds for, he is looking healthier since staying with us.
She agreed to pay it but that she'd need time to come up with the money which I said ok that's fine. About a week passes without hearing from her when she texts me saying "I've talked to every1 ik and they all agree with me tht since u didn't give me a heads up on taking ur animal to the vet that I should only have to pay $320 bc I price matched the meds u got and I could've got it for that price."
I didn't want to deal with her, ik tht she sues ppl when she doesn't get her way. So I just told her yeah that's fine, it's about half of the amount so whatever. She says awesome and that she gets paid twice later that week so it shouldn't be a problem.
Cut to now and she still hasn't paid us back. She's called when she knows I'm asleep asking to hang out, she stopped by my sisters work to try and get free water for her car, and i think I might have to let my husband handle this which I dont want to do bc he is a petty person and will get police, law suits, the whole nine yards involved.
I'm currently pregnant, a disabled veteran, current national guard member, and I lost my job in December so money is tight right now. I understand it's difficult to pull money out of the sky but I've given her plenty of time.
WIBTA if I just let my husband handle this and AITA for expecting her to pay at least half?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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9unr99
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{
"description": "getting upset at my wife for blow drying her hair 40 minutes before my alarm goes off",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting upset at my wife for blow drying her hair 40 minutes before my alarm goes off?
|
My wife is a morning person. She gets up early and likes to workout and slowly get ready. I love her dedication, and it's never bothered me. We have two kids and with our schedules working out in the morning is the best time for her. I support this and it's never been an issue because she wouldn't start getting ready till about the time I get up.
Lately she's started getting ready faster though which means she's now blow drying her hair about 40 minutes before my alarm goes off. I'm not a morning person and love my sleep. Am I the asshole for being upset at this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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azflf0
|
{
"description": "hooking up with a girl my friend is interested in, while I knew he was interested",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for hooking up with a girl my friend is interested in, while I knew he was interested?
|
This happened yesterday.
I went out clubbing with my usual group, and Friend A decided to bring a girl along, and specifically asked me if Friend B was present, who is known for snatching (taken) girls away.
I say no, she's his to pursue, we won't interfere.
During the evening I learn from him that he tried his luck with that girl 2 times already, and she rejected him both times.
After carefully asking the girl what the deal between them is, she told me he's 'just a friend', while rolling her eyes, then later told me she's not interested in him romantically.
I notice that friend A doesn't make any moves whatsoever, so I tell him that he should get to it if wants to make something happen, and ask him if he's sure that we really shouldn't interfere. He says no, we should keep off her.
The girl starts showing clear signs of interest in me, and before I did anything serious, I wanted to ask him again. He (now pretty drunk) tells me he doesn't care anymore, do whatever.
Alrighty then, I isolated her, and in order to not be a douche only made moves when I moved her and me out of his sight, etc.
Obviously he knew what was going on, but didn't say anything.
I took the girl home with me, which he also definitely saw, we walked to the cabs together.
He still gave me a brotherly goodbye, made plans for next weekend and didn't mention it today, but I could tell he was hurt by it.
Really not sure here. IMO it's fair game if the guy doesn't make *any* moves whatsoever, and the girl is clearly not romantically interested in him (she even told him that very evening, in a very polite way), but on the other hand bro code is bro code...
Very curious to hear your stance on this!
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
amz9tq
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{
"description": "not wanting my abuser near me",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting my abuser near me?
|
I will preface this by saying I am upset and on mobile so I am sorry for the grammar/formatting issues.
So let's start at the beginning, when I (24f) was younger (around 7 or 8 I believe) my mother married my stepdad and I went from an only child to having 2 older (step)brothers. One of them is 4 years older than me, the other is 8. Soon after we got all moved in and settled the eldest's, we will call him Bob's, attitude towards me changed, he went from a protective, fun, new big brother to very short tempered and downright mean. Soon the "mean-ness" got worse and eventually became physical....in every sense of the word. Long story short mom and I eventually left and things got much better.
Fast forward to last year. My mom had since remarried and was trying to leave her current asshole of a husband, so I moved her in with me and helped her get an apartment of her own. She was very down and depressed and reconnected with her previous husband. (note: I had no issues with my step dad at all, only his children ) They hang out sometimes and talk and all is good on that front....now we get to the messy current situation.
So I live in the Midwest US and it's still pretty dang cold out. Well earlier today while talking to my mom she mentioned how Bob and his wife were asking about homeless shelters in our area because he had already gotten frostbite last week and wanted somewhere warm to stay.(I feel I should add they are homeless by their own stupid meth fueled choices) Well I gave her the info I knew about local places to get some help, she thanked me, and that seemed to be the end of the conversation. Then I get a phone call about a hour ago from my mom asking for some advice, she wants to let them stay with her for a night or two, or get this, SHE WANTS THEM TO STAY IN MY APARTMENT!!!!! My mom, myself, and my boyfriend all have apartments on the same floor of the same building so I spend a lot of time across the hall at my boyfriend's apartment.
I flat out said no, no way, hell no, nein, non, NO. I told her if they show up I will call the police and have them removed from property. Now she is acting like I am some kind of heartless garbage person because I won't open my home to a person who not only physically,mentally, and sexually abused me as a child, but who has been arrested and convicted of drug charges multiple time and freely admits to using.
So am I really being the asshole here for not wanting them anywhere near me or my family?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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a9hvz8
|
{
"description": "calling the police on my noisy neighbors",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For calling the police on my noisy neighbors?
|
Merry Christmas Everyone!
​
I guess I am writing this to validate my predicument for calling, and continuing to call, the police on my noisy neighbors. A little background, we both live in homes separated by a street, so there is roughly 50-70 feet between our homes. The neighbor in question has a really good base system in their home, which is the problem. When they crank their music up, I can hear it very clearly. So clearly that it is louder than my TV, My Dishwasher, and washing machine; the majority of the time, it can be heard over all three combined. They play this music randomly all throughout the day, sometimes in the morning(7am+), the afternoon, the evening (5-8PM), and late at night (11PM+). I've tried noise cancelling headphones, ear buds (32db noise reduction), and even my gun range headphones, but nothing drownes the noise out.
​
I finally got fed up with listening to their music in October 2018, so I walked over to tell them to turn it down. The nighbor answred the door and told me to get bent. Frustrated, I walked back to the house and let it slide. It happened again twice more, where the music was too loud and I walked over to tell them to turn it down, only the second and third time, I was greated by a different person who seemed nicer and was willing to comply.
​
The problem is, I am not willign to walk over there everyday to tell them to keep the noise down, so I finally got the police involved when the incident happened on the 4th time. I ended up having to call the police 3 more times for them to have a car in the area while the music was playing. the music then stopped for 2 weeks, but it has returned yet again (surprise).
​
Since there are no "pieceful times" in my county, I can technically call the police and submit a noise complaint at any time, which I plan to do (when it is too loud). Am I being a dick for resorting to this extreme measure to have piece and quiet, given the volume of the music and the space that separates our homes? Also, after so many complaints, the police will start issuing $1,000.00 fines.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
7KkeBvGeldFHOej97O56qSGbw3Z6CMQY
|
afl60w
|
{
"description": "getting annoyed at my friends calling dibs on rooms",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting annoyed at my friends calling dibs on rooms
|
A few weeks ago my group of friends rented a cabin for a vacation trip during winter break. 4 different couples were going plus a few single people. Most of us were coming from different cities as we were all home for break, so like 4 different cars all met there at different times.
My girlfriend and I drove by ourselves, plan was to all get there at 1 then go grocery shopping. Pretty much everyone else is running late and we're stuck locked outside with one other couple for maybe an hour and a half. No big deal, we drive into town and get some food. While we're eating our friends start talking in the trip group chat we made, one of the girls (coming with her bf) had been sleeping on a couch the last week and asks if itd be ok if she can have one of the beds. Totally reasonable, no issues. Then another girl (also coming with her bf) sends a screenshot of one of the beds from the airbnb saying "(bf) and I call this one" followed by another screenshot of another bed saying "(first girl) told me she wants this one". My girlfriend and I are reading it laughing like, seriously? We're calling beds? Someone in the chat says something along the lines of can we just figure it out when we get there but conversation shifts to getting groceries and things and it gets dropped from there.
So my gf and I are slightly annoyed. We had already talked about being fine sleeping on couches if we had to, that where we slept was not a big deal, but calling dibs 2 hours ahead of time just seems childish. We go back to the cabin and are able to go inside this time since its past our check in time and check out the place. Of course the 2 beds our friends have called are the only 2 private rooms, the rest of the beds and couches are in open living rooms so you'll be "sharing" the room.
So one couple who called a room shows up next and is unloading. After a couple minutes I make a comment about them knowing the layout of the place and calling the private room when no one else even knew what it looked like (they had booked it on airbnb). Admittedly saying anything here made me an asshole, and I should have just let it all slide rather than make it into a big deal. Slightly blows up with them saying that they did the work renting it and so shouldn't they get to choose the room? Thats fair and I'm fine with them having it I'm just annoyed we had to play the dibs game with it instead of just figuring it out when we got there.
After talking I totally made it sound like I thought my gf and i deserved the room cause we were there first, which is not at all what I actually felt but I let it die to avoid starting it again. So I understand that I came off as an asshole, but am I the asshole for being annoyed at them calling rooms?
TLDR: group trip to a cabin and 2 hours before people arrive couple friends send screenshots of the specific bed in the cabin they "call". The 2 that are called are the private bedrooms and the rest are in shared rooms.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
uzChOSXEY4UkTsCs5H7mLDvE4DInRcVT
|
a6k4n5
|
{
"description": "going to hang out with my friend without another friend who said she didn't want to go",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for going to hang out with my friend without another friend who said she didn't want to go?
|
So my friend N and I planned to go to the carnival together like a month prior to day-of and since our other friend A had been feeling down, we invited her.
She told us she didn't want to go and that she felt sick anyway so we were like oh alright and we went without her.
Then all of a sudden once the time we met up/ were to meet up came around, A started texting us about how she really wanted to go and that her parents are apparently abusive because they didn't let her go ??? even though she'd decided not to go.
When I was at the carnival, I had little to no reception. Enough to receive messages but not enough to send messages. None of my texts would send, so I stopped looking at my phone. A kept spamming me insults about my appearance and weight, calling me a terrible person and friend, "a greedy inconsiderate elephant", etc. for going without her.
Once I was home, I replied to her and explained why I didn't text back (no reception) and she said "bs lmao" then went on for 3 hours insulting me with comments not relating or only loosely relating to the situation.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
DY7YMBYRuWTARI0uoulLbP6hEmc0gRBM
|
avf4q9
|
{
"description": "getting a whole bunch of kids suspended and one kids expelled",
"pronormative_score": 98,
"contranormative_score": 30
}
|
AITA For getting a whole bunch of kids suspended and one kids expelled
|
So about a month ago my high school had to close down one of the male restrooms because they kept catching students (mostly freshmen) vaping in that specific bathroom. So instead of severely punishing the students who kept getting caught they just shut down that restroom permanently for the rest of the school year. Now this really pissed me off because 1 they're not really fixing the problem and 2 I'm nearby this bathroom for the majority of the day. So now I have to walk to the other side of school just to go to the bathroom.
Last week when I went to the bathroom on the other side of the school I saw a whole group of idiots in there vaping (to make it clear I don't really have a problem with vaping, it's that they're doing at the school to please their peers). I didn't really say anything to them I just did my business and walked out. When I walked into the hallway I saw my schools resource officer. When I saw him I thought about and said screw and told what was currently happening in the bathroom and went in and busted a whole bunch of kids. I didn't really think anything of it cause I figured "screw those guys". Later I found out that one of the kids had been caught so many times they took serious action and expelled him. The reason I feel bad is because they were all freshmen(so like 14-15 year olds) who haven't fully realized how the world works. [Reupload because I'm new to reddit and forgot a proper title]
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
f4hAR42G6okJwZn0KjXyuq7ZORsPvyfa
|
b67en5
|
{
"description": "telling my best friend she's reached an unhealthy weight",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA If I told my best friend she's reached an unhealthy weight?
|
Lindsey and I have been best friends for a decade. She's a lovely girl inside and out, and unfortunately has some self-esteem issues due to an emotionally abusive mother.
Throughout our friendship, Lindsey's weight has consistently yo-yo'd. She would go on diet and exercise kicks for a few months, lose 15-20 pounds, and then quickly gain it all back. Every time she did, her awful mother would rag on her. Lindsey would come to me for reassurance that she's not the obese failure her mom has told her she is, which almost always included her asking, "You'd tell me if I reached that point, right?" I reassured her that she was fine the way she was and that she could count on me to tell her if she ever reached that point.
Well, that point has been reached, and I don't know what to do. On the one hand, her weight has reached a point where I am starting to get concerned for her health. On the other hand, I know her mother is still harping on her for it, and I worry that having her best friend agree with her mom will crush Lindsey.
TL;DR: Best friend of 10 years always said to tell her if her weight got out of control. She has reached that point, but I'm afraid to tell her because her emotionally abusive mother has destroyed her self-esteem. WIBTA if I was honest with her?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
b9jb96
|
{
"description": "telling my mom that I wont be talking to her about my personal life anymore",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my mom that I wont be talking to her about my personal life anymore?
|
In advance, sorry for the formatting I'm on mobile (also throwaway because friends know my account)
So first off here's some background information. I'm a high school student and around the last couple of weeks of December last year I came out to my parents as bisexual. They did not take it well to say the least and my mom spent 3 hours questioning me and asking how and why I was bi and insisting that it was a phase. The following week my dad wouldn't even talk to me and was extremely serious. My mom told me that I would not be receiving any Christmas present from them that year. During this time I felt miserable and seriously considered taking my life. They ended up giving in and gave me a Christmas present and things started getting better over time since we would all ignore the issue and not bring it up.
Fast forward to today, I'm in the car with my mom as she's driving me to school. We were listening to music when out of nowhere she asks me I still liked the girl that I had told her I liked when I came out to her (I'm a girl). I shook my head, not wanting to bring up this conversation. She kept insisting and asked "So yes? Why are you ignoring me? " I told her that I no longer did and she wouldn't take it for an answer. She once again asked and I raised my voice and told her again that I didn't and asked her to stop asking. She said she wasn't sure because it seemed like I was avoiding the question. I stayed quiet. She then proceeded to say "So have you changed your mind about it then? " in reference to me being bi. This was my breaking point and I raised my voice even more and angrily told her that I don't and won't ever want to discuss my personal life with her so she should stop asking. She said to me in the same tone that she was my mother and that there was no one better to talk about it with. I stayed quiet for the rest of the ride. When she dropped me off at school I got out and she said bye I love you as always but I got out of the car and ignored her and walked to class.
A little later I texted to ask her something and there was an obvious distance. We usually say "bye love you" at the end of the conversation but we didn't this time.
Now I keep thinking about how I reacted I can't help but think about me upsetting her and making her cry (she's told me in the past about how I make her cry when I raise my voice at her and disrespect her). Looking back I acted very childish and I feel like a total asshole. From my mom's perspective she was probably just trying to be involved in her child's life but I can't forgive her for "changed your mind" comment. I'm very conflicted right now and I think I might have been in the wrong here.
So Reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
wdmmDcJ0S7kviqaoYRaeNbYlAXgcuV6d
|
aowxy9
|
{
"description": "cutting off one of my closest friends in college",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for cutting off one of my closest friends in college?
|
So some backstory. There are 5 friends in this friend group. We've been together for 6 months. We all love each other, and Me, Friend A, B, and C, who are all boys, 18. Then there is the Friend F, who is a female, also 18. Friend F comes from a traumatic background, as she had a five year-boyfriend who broke up with her a year before college resumed. She's bipolar and her dad was in a serious car accident about a week ago.
She came into our group because she liked friend B, but friend C also likes her and would do absolutely anything for her. She had sex with Friend B over winter break, and she got pregnant. She aborted the baby, as she was convinced by both Friend B (who said he'd support every decision she made) and her own conviction. Friend B and Friend F have been estranged ever since. Friend F is on good terms with me, most of the time anyways. Friend C has pretty much been kissing up to her ever since. Friend A and I are bystanders and usually watch the drama, but it has been a bit too much, and today I spoke up.
The day before yesterday was my birthday, and I spent a whole damn hour comforting her and attempting to help her talk to Friend B about her feelings, and when it came down to it, she hyperventilated and ran out. I asked a mutual friend who knew absolutely nothing about the situation about what we should do about Friend F, to which he replied, I should cut her off from the group. Armed with that and common sense, I texted in the group chat, without Friend B and Friend F, that we should totally cut Friend F from the group because of her toxicity, and that she can still talk to us but not the friend group as a whole. Friend C told her that he would continue talking to her, but he agreed that we should take her out. Friend A talked to me in person and echoed the same result.
A few hours later, while I'm chilling with Friend B and A, Friend F comes to the door and tells me I'm a fake friend, and that I fucking hate her, which I don't. I fumble around trying to explain myself to her and she punches me in the chest and goes away. Friend C coddles her in his room, and shows her more of what I said in the group chat. At this point, I felt like I didn't have to explain myself to her, as I had laid out my issues with her then and there. She and Friend C, after a while, come to the room, and Friend F basically assaults me and nearly breaks my laptop. After crying for a few minutes, she tries to talk to me, and calls me a pussy for not being able to tell her in real life. As I try to explain to her that I wanted to sit her down and talk about it, she throws a shoe at me. Friend B, fed up, kicks her out of the room.
Developments are still ongoing, but AITA for saying she should be kicked out.
cxz
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
J1hwNyg7LMx4bLnfzLJ2AXD6dogz5Jhp
|
azu649
|
{
"description": "not inviting a lifelong friend to my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not inviting a lifelong friend to my wedding?
|
Definitely a bit of backstory required here.
As I'm sure you can tell by the title, a lifelong friend of mine (we'll call him Jack), isn't being invited to my wedding. Jack has always been extremely nice to me, almost to a fault, but has made some really poor decisions over the last 3-5 years or so. This has in turn has lead up to an increasingly distant friendship between us.
One of the first reasons I was hesitant to invite him was due to his ongoing issues with another close friend of mine that will be at our wedding. We'll call him Steve. Without going into too much detail, Jack cannot stand Steve over some pretty juvenile and petty shit from years ago. Not that Steve was 100% in the right to begin with, but Jack has taken his "hatred" for Steve way too far. Threatening him, assaulting him, showing up at his house in the middle of the night, some REALLY crazy shit. On top of that, they have been in and out of legal proceedings because of it. Steve has tried to just let it go since he doesn't want to ruin Jack's life/future, but Jack continues to test his patience. The final straw was last time we had friends over to our house, Jack followed Steve outside and threatened to kill him, which caused a scene and ultimately tarnished what little rapport he had with my soon-to-be wife. This alone was enough to decide that inviting him to a wedding that they would both be attending was probably a bad idea, but unfortunately it does not stop there.
I still talk to quite a few mutual friends that Jack and I have, and from what I have heard, he has recently became re-involved with cocaine. This includes selling it to friends and trying to talk his friends (and their spouses) into sneaking off to do it with him. Let me be clear, my fiancee and I do not do drugs in any capacity, so that is 100% off limits for us. I am definitely not trying to be DARE Officer Dan here, but there is a pretty obvious line between casually smoking weed and slamming rails of coke.
All of that being said, I still can't shake this feeling that I am being an asshole by not inviting him. I've known him my whole life and he has always gone out of his way to be a good friend to me. And I know that if I ever needed a place to stay or a shirt on my back, he'd be the first person to give me both. But on the biggest day of my life, surrounded by family and friends, I can't risk him getting drunk and emotional and hauling off on Steve, or taking bumps in the bathroom while a family member is trying to take a piss in the urinal next to him. Even if he was on best behavior, I feel like both me and my fiancee would have to have our heads on a swivel and be alert to what he was doing and where he was all night. And that doesn't seem like a very fair compromise for us on our wedding day.
AITA here? I guess I'd be lying if I said I wasn't somewhat afraid of the fallout with him too, considering the drug abuse and his continually deteriorating mental state.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
8hSdJBMhOsZQJUCH9wbii3Q0QZQK2Xqg
|
awlcbp
|
{
"description": "taking back my swimming goggles",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for taking back my swimming goggles
|
this happend a few years back in a hotel´s swimming pool,
I lost my goggles in the pool because i had them too big and they fell off, i found the exact same goggles (my name on them) on another kid´s head, i tried to give him another pair in exchange he declined. Later on he broke them (fixable) and threw them on his sun lounge , i spoke with my mom and asked her if it was ok if i took them back, she said it was fine so i took them . I felt bad for just simply taking them without asking for permission so AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
crZ1IdKnGptyuLHUOIZaxyqbB9quwr7O
|
a1pd7l
|
{
"description": "getting a tattoo against my mothers religious believes",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I got a tattoo against my mothers religious believes?
|
So, my mother and father are both Jewish. They’ve never been very strict at all, we eat shellfish and pork and don’t observe Shabbat, but as far as beliefs, they’re all in. Over the years as a young adolescent, I did some thinking of my own, and decided that it’s just not for me, so I don’t have the same beliefs as them.
Now the problem begins. I’ve been thinking about getting a tattoo that has meaning to me. I’ve spoken to my parents briefly about getting a tattoo, and my mother forbids it, because of her religion. So I’m torn, between being my own person and being able to do what I want, and honoring my mothers wishes. Would I be the asshole if I got the tattoo despite her forbidding me to?
For those who it might change their view, it is a tattoo of the alien language in the movie Arrival, that means “you have chosen life”. I went through a tough time when I was younger, and it would be a reminder of those times and that I made it through them and could do it again.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 18,
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
LS9zVGyCYmN2uRoMhiwNoSU9UpYHuAkk
|
atcxd5
|
{
"description": "talking too much about my parents' divorce",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for talking too much about my parents' divorce?
|
On mobile so please excuse any spelling or grammatical errors you find.
Awhile ago when my parents first decided to go through a divorce I decided to tell my two good friends about it on the way home from school. Since we were close I thought it might be important for them to know and I wanted someone to talk about it with anyway. At first I said "my parents are going through a divorce" and they didn't say anything. I didn't think they heard me so I said it two or three more times throughout the walk. Eventually one of them told me "we heard you the first time so you don't need to keep saying it." After that it was never brought up again.
Am I the asshole for not reading the mood or are they the assholes for ignoring my issue and not showing any support as friends?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
E4ncAlTeNV9T9NcRncjj67eiE1kKIyy0
|
a9xu7u
|
{
"description": "cutting off communication with my stepbrother",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for cutting off communication with my stepbrother?
|
I stopped talking to him since September after a short outburst (basically me telling him how selfish he is) and I plan to not talk to him at all anymore.
I cannot really process why I just got so fed up with him. He is just so fucking narcissistic to a fault. Even though he has work of his own it’s like his earning is not enough that he takes so much from my mother, to a point that I have to be urged by my mother to actually mediate between them. He would constantly tell us how we are too dependent of him when I don’t even get anything from him.
I also hate how he would manipulate the situation to make things convenient for him. Example, he lost his key. He would borrow my mother’s card (that you need to present to enter get out of our place easier) even though we will go out too later, because his logic was my mother and I were going out together anyway BUT HE FUCKING KNOWS that you have to show the card individually to get out. So in the end my mother and I had to go the the farther gate to go out while he was able to get out of the shortcut easily. Another example is he would invite us to join him shop or something because if he invites us that means he would have someone to buy things for him (which is my mom) and he would have a companion before he meets his friends there. So once his friends are there already we are out of the picture real quick.
Another thing that made me really furious was he tried to make a birthday gift for our grandmother “shared” so that he won’t spend anything because he knows that I already have a gift for my grandmother. To think that he maxes out his cards all the time for leisure trips, I just can’t understand how he cannot give a few bucks to buy a gift to a relative. And if he doesn’t want to then why not don’t give anything at all?
I also notice how he would make all conversations about himself. Every conversation in the house would just be him flexing about things he has done, whether he passed the language exam, his boss was so pleased at him, his photos were great, his cooking is delicious, he’s going to a trip to wherever. He’s literally the personification of Instagram. I am not really the talkative type and I kinda understand if people would not talk about my interests (philo, psychology, math) but he does this to freaking everyone. He would just stop talking until he gets to be the main topic again.
And recently he’s into losing weight, and he really did lose a lot of weight so he became even more proud of himself again. But as someone who has suffered from an eating disorder (Binging, purging, over exercising) I know what it looks like. But unlike me then he was very vocal, or at least he doesn’t know what’s coming out from his mouth anymore. He keeps on denying he tried his best to lose weight and he just did because of a trip, he would always make fun of my mom who is now fatter than him, he would always say things like “Eww carbs.”, “Yuck that’s so unhealthy”. And I don’t know if everyone else in the house is affected but I fucking am because I experienced worse than him. It really shattered my self-esteem (spec. since it was an after-effect from an abuse) and like I am just recently trying to build myself up. Now I don’t do fasting anymore, I eat when I am hungry and I am not beating myself up with too much exercise. But I don’t know, I am so conflicted because he did lose weight. So am I really doing the right thing? Because even though I already got into a normal weight I still have a lot to lose and taking it slow makes me feel like I have to catch up to them. Even my mother is kinda into dieting already. However I learned that doing so much restrictions can backfire on your body and I’ve experienced it too but my brother seems to not experience that even 2 months in and he’s still the narcissistic, likeable bitch that he is. So do I just have no willpower? Am I the wrong one here? I don’t know, it seems like he has his life sorted out anyway because of how great his life is. Maybe I am just jealous?
He was kinda trying to talk to me during Christmas, like when I asked my mom he would answer or basically just fit himself in the conversation but I was like “Bitch, not today” basically. So I just ignored him. Am I the asshole? My mother is telling me to reconcile with him already but I think it is much better to cut off communication because I don’t think anything fruitful would come out of our relationship anyway. From what I see we just have different ways of seeing life and it’s much better if we just don’t talk.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
S6v02bHOjI080QXUCiHXcEH7B7yFhEAU
|
a9uhgp
|
{
"description": "telling my family to find her their own house",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
Wibta for telling my family to find her their own house?
|
My brother and sister in law have recently moved into my rental house with the promise of finding their own house. That was three months ago. Since then they've suddenly started up a compensation case because sil was in a car accident three years ago. They have a young baby (1). But they're basically taking over my house to the point they want my husband and I to vacate our bedroom so she can TRY to get custody back of her other son. My mother also lives with me, and she has the patience of a saint but she's being treated as a live in maid, as I'm being treated as a daycare center. So would I be the asshole to tell them to find their own house?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
VyxxSipmbTxi2YlVuU9H6OLWwJg05LsC
|
a92ebh
|
{
"description": "telling my step-father that my mother has been cheating on him right around Christmas",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I told my step-father that my mother has been cheating on him right around Christmas?
|
[Backstory from another thread to keep this focused, tl;dr near the bottom of linked post](https://np.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/a7ne4x/advice_just_found_out_that_my_mother_53_devoid_of/)
I was originally going to try to anonymously inform the guy's wife and let it resolve on its own, but as time has gone on I've started to feel resentment towards my mother for putting me in a situation where I have to choose which parent's trust to violate. Plus on some level I feel like I need to stand up to my mother and support the man who has put up with her bullshit for the past twenty years.
On one hand I think informing him is the objectively right thing to do, in a void where my parents are identical mannequins and don't have a daughter, but of course that's not the fucking case. On the other hand my step-father has temper issues that might result in physical and/or verbal abuse to those around him, who would be my mother and possibly also my sister. I'm going to be out of town, spending Christmas with my partner's family, so there's also an element of potential assholery due to me making that phone call from a safe distance while my little sister has to deal with the fallout. It's really just the most unfortunate timing, and I'm not sure if it's worse to do this before or after Christmas. I might inform my brothers, who will be much closer, so that they can rescue my sister if need be.
Also sorry if this is completely the wrong subreddit for this kind of question. I'd appreciate suggestions for other places to ask, if any of you have any, aside from the one from the linked backstory.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
x554cf4RBH6DIJgOwlI90tusaTKMQHf0
|
azumtb
|
{
"description": "telling my landlord what is going on with my roommate",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If I tell my landlord what is going on with my roommate?
|
Alright I live in a shared apartment with 3 other strangers. All the rooms are rented separately on different leases. That being said I am at the wit's end with one of my roommate's behavior. I won't go into full detail because we would literally be here all day but what I'm dealing with right now is she has moved two men into her room with her which is probably 8'x9' at best. Seemingly none of them work. All three of them are at the house 24/7, they seem to never sleep. Cooking, showering, going in and out of the house, milling about at all hours of the day and night.
​
I've come to the conclusion they have to be on and/or selling drugs as they have visitors in and out and only leave for periods of a few minutes at a time. Not to mention they do crazy shit like walk around the apartment nude, shit with the door open and naked, take multiple hours at a time in the bathroom running the water, wash and fry smelly ass shrimp at 5am on a Saturday morning. I'm fucking losing my mind. I have 3 months left on this lease and I don't know what to do anymore. I work a full time job and free lance gigs on the weekend nights so I'm gone a lot ans still their constant bullshit is driving me over the edge. All I can think to do is inform the landlord that she has moved in multiple people that aren't on the lease?
​
Would that be totally shitty and I should just mind my business or reasonable? If I have to piss in a cup in the bathroom one more time because I can't get into the bathroom for hours I'm going to crack.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
futaehNbPlK084euHvqvTGL7q4FNctst
|
aw34ta
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend when she's not allowing me to have contact with an ex",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for breaking up with my girlfriend when she's not allowing me to have contact with an ex?
|
I (17m) have been together with my SO (19f) for like 3 months right now. I'm having so much fun with her and love spending time together, but this week we've had one of our biggest arguments yet. I was telling her about my plans for the night: my friends and I were planning to go clubbing and they invited some girls that used to go to our school. My ex was one of these girls. We've broken up about 2 years ago but are still on good terms. No hard feelings from either one of us.
​
So I told my gf about this and she lost it. She doesn't feel comfortable with me hanging around with exes and simply didn't want me to go. I was already out and didn't think much of it. The next day I just didn't feel good and decided to call her. She told me that she just doesn't want me to hang out with exes, no matter who's with us. I tried to explain to her that there's nothing to worry about and I would never do anything out of line.
​
I completely understand that she's not 100% comfortable with me having drinks with only her, but with other people there? Come on, we've been broken up for more than 2 years and there's nothing between us now. I tried to be understanding but I just can't grasp it right now. I can't be with someone who feels comfortable dictating who I can('t) hang out with. Sure she can be uncomfortable and we can work through that, but she still insists that I never speak to my ex again.. Would I be the asshole for dumping her? It's not about this single situation in my opinion, I just don't feel comfortable with my girlfriend deciding these things.. I had a chat with my closest friends and they are evenly split about this and I really don't know what to do.
​
WIBTA if I have a talk with my gf and tell her it's not her job to tell me who I can/cannot hang out with? If we can't see eye to eye on this, I'm not sure if our relationship would work.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
EBdVdhuEqiLL5ADAdGKxvXCpC8EK1zob
|
b1e4fw
|
{
"description": "serving a guest a mug with tea stains",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 18
}
|
WIBTA if I serve a guest a mug with tea stains
|
Maybe you can settle this debate. I have a white mug with tea stains on the inside. I know the stain can be completely removed with baking soda, just haven't done it.
My wife's claim is that the mug looks disgusting and it would be wildly inappropriate to serve a guest a mug like that.
My claim is that the mug is clean and the stain is harmless and purely cosmetic, and a guest would not care.
Probably we are both projecting so we need some objectivity. What would you think if you came to my house and I gave you a white mug with tea stains? WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 18
}
|
WRONG
|
qq27DzOnP5sDmUlJvcbyoPhbRj2k90lr
|
af88u3
|
{
"description": "going to the game tomorrow",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for going to the game tomorrow
|
I was born and raised in San Diego and moved to NE in my teens. I’m a huge Chargers fan but also have grown to love the Pats in the 20+ years I’ve lived here.
I’ve been to a dozen Patriot games including the AFC Championship in 08 against the Chargers.
Anyway, I wanted to go to tomorrow’s game with my wife but my normal ticket hook up could not come through this time and I won’t pay over face value for the tix. Whatever, I have a busy weekend anyway I’ll watch it on tv like I usually do.
1030 last night my sister calls me and asks where I’m watching the game. I tell her at home because I had plans to renovate my bathroom this weekend. She then asks if I want to go to the game and I immediately said yes. She bought me and my father each a ticket as a birthday present, mine is next week.
I am immediately pumped and can’t wait, thank my sis a million times. I get off the phone and my wife says “your going to the game?” I told her yes excitedly and she immediately gives me shit. She says “wtf, your such a fucking asshole. We were supposed to do the bathroom”. I explained that they were birthday presents and that she should be happy for me. She then accused me of setting it up so she couldn’t go. The honest truth is I wanted to go with her and I was bummed out I couldn’t secure tickets for us to go but wtf.
She then told me she had a chance to go with her uncle but didn’t because she knew I wanted to go. I see right through this, she’s trying to manipulate me.
I told her that all the hypothetical situations she’s throwing at me are irrelevant and as much as I would have liked her and I to go I have no control over what just happened.
I refuse to let her guilt me and I’m going to the game although this argument is draining and has taken away from the experience of the game, almost to the point I say fuck it it’s not worth it. Am I wrong? AITA??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
9JWc55zQQOnZ3QTpGzJzomuMT45uLMT7
|
at4e37
|
{
"description": "ending a friendship with a girl I have romantic feelings for after being rejected",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I ended a friendship with a girl I have romantic feelings for after being rejected?
|
I developed strong romantic feelings for a girl I've been friends with for a few years now. After a couple months of this I asked her out and she turned me down. I thought ok no problem. We'll just stay friends no big deal. Well its been about a month since she turned me down and honestly the feelings haven't faded at all and it hurts to be around her now. So I've been declining to hang out with mutual friends when I know she'll be there and I leave early if I can if she shows up.
Honestly at this point I am thinking about either just explaining that I can't be friends with her anymore because it hurts OR just ghosting her completely. It isn't her fault I'm like this, but I think for my own mental well being I need to end our friendship. I've mentioned this to a few of my friends and they think it would be shitty of me to end a friendship because I can't get over my attraction to her. Is this an asshole move?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
nWlT8ODwcqH8sWceQmbrYzkNXqC75tfl
|
b4uso5
|
{
"description": "leaving a friend out of a Hearts of Iron game",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving a friend out of a Hearts of Iron game?
|
It's a specific scenario, but my only friend that uses reddit was the one I was playing with, and he's on my side so here goes.
Me and my friend were playing a Hearts of Iron game (which can last an excessively long time) together without our other friends who play the game.
When I had last played with them, I had just started the game, and they made me play as Germany. Even though I didn't want to, I agreed so that I could play. They proceeded to either baby me throughout the game, or be condescending towards me wanting to learn the game partially on my own. We ended that game awhile ago, and since then, one of the other friends had stated in front of me to another, third party friend (who is not involved in the story other than this instance) that I didn't like the game because I wanted to learn on my own.
I of course, contested this with the fact that he isn't me, and that I enjoyed the part where I was playing for myself, and he just stated that I was wrong. This became a negative experience for me, and I haven't played much since this instance, except for the most recent game.
Anyways, me and friend one are playing the game when friend two joins the chat. He wants us to leave our game and join his game, even though we're invested to the point of fighting the Societ Union. His argument is that it would be more fun with three players. We respond how we are having fun with our current game, not being babied and how we dont want to restart, but how he's free to join us mid game. He complains about this for a bit, and after about 10 more minutes of him complaining on how rude we're being, and stating how he has done this so much in the past for friend one, he joins and plays with us for about an hour.
The next day, me and friend one are continuing the game when suddenly friend two and friend four (because friend three was earlier in the part where he accused me of disliking the game) join our chat. Friend two asks if we could leave our game so that they could play with us. I say no, and tell him that he and friend four could join our current game. This starts him and friend four on a rant about how it's rude how we don't include them, and ignore our possible compromise. They leave and I once again, think it'll just blow over.
About 2 hours later, both me and my friend take a break from the game. I had some food to eat, and friend one had to do something. I go into a separate chat while I wait for him, so I can play a different game and not hear background noise. Both friend two and friend four join my call and ask, and I quote: "Have you finally divorced friend one?" I say how I'm just waiting for him to come back so we can keep playing, and they sit around saying how it's stupid how I wont include them.
Reddit, AITA for not including friends two and four in our HOI4 game?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
kd1QMYLKZ25FisizsncW3ZdbYKNLMCgU
|
9u9wnm
|
{
"description": "calling my friend a attention whore",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling my friend a attention whore?
|
Three primary people: P, C, N, and me (I'm a guy btw)
My (used to be) group was chatting with each other in a voice channel on discord and for almost the whole time one of my friends (she is P) was doing makeup. Left a little earlier than everyone else and when I came back the call ended and everyone transitioned to the group chat on Instagram.
We kept talking and later P posted a picture of herself done putting on makeup. No one reacted and that's when she said that she felt like she was getting attacked because no one said anything. At that point I started my comment (I talk in multiple small texts and not one big one sometimes) and in the middle of it, I rethought if I should say it and stopped. At that point everyone already saw it and 2 people encouraged me to continue (including P) and C told me to shut up, which I wanted to do.
They kept telling me to speak my mind until the person that said to shut up gave up (it went from 2 against 2 to 1 against 2). At that point I said that she was acting like a attention seeker (I did not call her a attention whore at that moment) or as many other people have said in the past (she has many enemies she did not ask for) an attention whore. At that point she started to use sarcasm (you can't really use sarcasm over a text bubble but in this case it was obvious) and how it was great to be called an attention whore again. I felt extremely bad for doing this and wanted to look to someone else I trusted for help. I talked to N.
After talking about this to said person, N decided to confront P. N used the screenshots that I sent her to help her understand the situation and in the group chat, P said that there was a Snitch. I told N about this and asked that she doesn't mention me (I told her this before also). Sooner or later I get found out. I get asked to leave the chat, and I did without an argument.
At this point I feel even more guilty and afraid something could possibly happen to me tomorrow at school (she is decently high on the popularity ladder) from the fact that I've heard rumors that P has ordered people to jump others but didn't want to believe them. I might ask a different subreddit what I should do. But here I'm asking, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
mkTClGqmIq9SNcffi1Rs9SVjQahsWg7U
|
arq6h6
|
{
"description": "wanting my car back at a 'reasonable time'",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my car back at a 'reasonable time'?
|
My GF's brother is hard pressed at the moment, his car has broken down and needs to be sent to a shop to be repaired.
​
We have 3 cars at home, 2 of them being mine. (I don't really need 2 cars, the 2nd one is a manual I'm trying to learn and practice on.)
We agreed to let him borrow the manual car for 1 week, whilst he sorts out a temporary car for himself.
​
A week goes by and he says that his insurance is wasting his time, hasn't sorted him a car and hasn't processed his request correctly.
He asks to borrow the car and use it for another week. Didn't really want to, but agreed.
​
So it reaches Sunday morning of the 2nd week, and I ask my GF to ask him when he was going to return it?
He says **"1-2PM"**.
(Keep in mind, I am asking her to follow it up as I don't really talk to her brother much, and I'm really only doing this whole thing as a favour to her, not him)
Anyway, 2PM goes by and my car isn't returned.
I ask her where it is, she says **"he's been busy and said he'll return it tonight"**. Bit annoying, but ok, that's fine.
At around 8PM, Car's still nowhere to be found.
I ask her to follow it up and txt him, she says **"he's having dinner and will return it after"**. Slightly irked at how late it is already, I just say **"urgh, ok"**.
​
10PM goes by and my car isn't there still. I ask her nicely to call him and find out where it is. She ignores me and carries on watching her TV show.
2 Mins later I go back into the room and asks if shes called him, she says **"no,he said he'll return it soon"**. Irritated, I ask her **"do you see the time?! It's 10PM!**" She just sits there and laughs and tells me to **"chill out!"**
​
This pushes me to the edge and I start raising my voice. I go off and ask her **"why do I have to keep following up about my OWN CAR?!"** .
Is it not common courtesy to return a car at a reasonable time? Do I have to explicitly state a time for my own car to be returned? I got so heated that I slept in the guest bedroom as I can't believe I'm being made out to be the bad guy for asking about my own car.
​
About 5 mins later, the car returns and she says sarcastically **"Your precious car has returned!"**.
This pisses me off even more and I just ignore her for the rest of the night.
​
AITA? I thought it was common courtesy to return a borrowed car at a reasonable time, without having to explicitly state it has to be returned before 10PM...
​
TL;DR - GF's brother borrowed my car. Extended a 1 week borrow to 2 weeks. Car was returned super late which pissed me off and escalated into an argument and me sleeping in the guest bedroom.
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
nAoJVnT1wMwAzqcn4SyOVhr5eBH7Hjmg
|
ac6aeo
|
{
"description": "not getting back with my ex after she dumped me for getting a dui",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not getting back with my ex after she dumped me for getting a DUI
|
Back story: So I got charged with a DUI 6 months ago. I had to go to jail until my aunt paid my bail. My charges got dropped because the police arrested me at my house an hour after the initial complaint and they had no proof other than an anonymous witness. While I was in jail I called my gf and told her how sorry I was and she dumped me on the spot. She dumped me and started dating someone else a week later. It hurt a lot and when I got out I wanted to just go and die under a rock somewhere. So I went to treatment because having a flask on you 24/7 isn't normal and I wanted to die so I went. I found out I'm a real alcoholic.
​
Now I have been sober for 6 months and I go to AA 4 times a week and I am ok. I recently moved into my own place again and have a decent job. My ex texted me 2 days ago and she want to get back together with me. I love her but the fact she dated someone else a week after dumping me makes me feel I cant trust her so I said no. She got really mad because she was willing to look past the DUI for me and I cant do the same for her. I told her that she knew I was always half lit and she abandoned ship at the first sign of trouble for a new ship.
​
AITA for feeling like this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
RpJNTdRE51h4JG7nDDYM3IHdHmFcOp43
|
9tm7eo
|
{
"description": "being upset at my friend who pretended to throw a rock at me motorcycle as I drove by",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset at my friend who pretended to throw a rock at me motorcycle as I drove by?
|
I was driving down the road at 70 kp/h and hour and saw my friend and waved to him and then he clocked his arm out and pretended to throw something. I immediately pulled over and stomped towards him and started yelling at saying, "why would you throw anything at me?!" "getting hit with pebbles at 70kph hurts, let alone anything bigger then an apple.". He told me he was only pretending, I told him he is the type of person to actually throw things at passing cars and that I didn't want to see him throwing rocks at me or anything moving for safety of me, my motorcycle and other vehicles.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
hwzv6PjaFd0eJD8CntWYi0VyZOEvD1Ck
|
b1x038
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my boyfriend for not working on a couple issues",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I broke up with my boyfriend for not working on a couple issues?
|
I (M26) and my boyfriend (M26) have known each other 2 years, together 1.5. Shortly after we first met he was diagnosed with HIV. I've been on PrEP for years already and he started treatment/became undetectable very quickly so \*for me\* it's not a huge issue and his status isn't a factor in how I see him/how much I want to be with him.
We both knew and talked about the fact he'd need some time to emotionally process his diagnosis and that he wouldn't feel comfortable having sex for a while even though in his head he knew there was no risk to me. However, 2 years after his diagnosis he still tells me he's not ready to have sex or do more than cuddle on the couch (we don't even make out; just quick pecks). I've regularly initiated conversations with him to "check in" about how he feels, how he's handling his positive status, and encouraged him to speak to a therapist to help him work through his feelings and blocks (which he has so far refused to do). I've told him I am always there for him, but understand if he's reluctant to dump all his emotions on me.
Additionally, he's still in the closet to pretty much everyone and despite asking him several times he's yet to introduce me to anyone in his life (meanwhile he's met most of my friends and been with me to my parent's house twice). Only \~3 of his friends know he's bi, but he is not at all out to his work, majority of friends, or family. He's afraid of being rejected/disowned which I understand; but at a certain point he has to choose whether to live for himself or for their approval. I knew going into the relationship he wasn't out; but he also told me he'd work on coming out and so far he hasn't.
I've made it a point to address both these issues with him every couple months (at least) and every time he's told me he will work on things; but nothing has changed in 1.5 years. Around Christmas I told him that I was reaching a breaking point; I didn't feel it fair to set a "deadline" but I let him know that him still not being out to anyone, me knowing no one in his life, and the utter lack of physical intimacy were all getting really hard for me to deal with and I wouldn't wait forever. He told me he understood and that I was being very fair.
Three months have passed and still nothing has changed. I feel like I've been more than patient and more than reasonable and yet I can't shake the feeling that leaving would make me TA because in many ways our relationship is great. But, as a healthy gay man in my mid 20s I also want an active sex life and not to feel like my partner is ashamed of himself and our relationship by him lying about who he is to his family/friends and hiding me from them.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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}
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
wg63KiE3lwujAATTNQe1n9IJekMxwHPY
|
9yuull
|
{
"description": "trying to get on a different flight because mine is delayed 5+ hours",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA trying to get on a different flight because mine is delayed 5+ hours?
|
Got on a flight this morning out of a local airport, Bellingham, that’s would connect in SEATAC, only an hour and a half drive, 30min flight, then continue to Burbank. Well we’ve been sitting on the flight since 5:30 am, it’s now 10:30. We’ve been told we can get off the plane, but will not be allowed to get back on. I called the Alaska Air to try and get on a different flight out of SEATAC, and my wife and I would just drive down. I was told by the rep from Alaska they’d charge us an additional $50 fee per ticket for voluntarily changing our flight, I contested and they said that’s just the policy. So now my options are to sit on this flight where all we’ve gotten to eat is 2 crackers and hope we take off some time or get off and try to argue the $100 away for the next flight.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
mdnbwqo3umPc2a0AmvEklD9jnyPsYWya
|
a6ljnq
|
{
"description": "asking back the money I lend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
Wibta for asking back the money i lend
|
WIBTA
So, a lil background,
I(21M) lend my best friend (21M) 2k€ for his business last year.
I lend him the money because he had asked me & after questioning him about why/how he was gonna use it it seemed just fine & clear.
He told me he's obv gonna pay me back in full, & i know he is going to. The thing is, he has stopped his business, is not working atm (&will probably not work again cus he says i don't want a 9 to 5 / don't wanna be working for someone else).
I get his pov, but the situation he's in is just not showing any prosperity.. living at home with his parents (not necessarily a bad thing) & literally no money in the bank..
So, i just moved abroad, he came over for a week before he went to the UK to do some workaway thing..
I paid a lot of the expenses made here while he was visiting me but also 50/50'd a lot, (i covered a bit more of the expenses as he was my "guest")
During the week he was here, he lost another "x" amount from his business that dropped his bank account to (lets say) -50€
So.. no money in the bank except a lil cash..
He was asking me for advice, so i played business man and started to ask serious questions like, where do you have money. He replied that in this account (no bank account) he had like 230,-
I stated that all the money he had not in his direct possession, to try to get it in his direct possession.
The 230 landed, but as we were abroad of where we usually live he'd have to pay a fee to get cash (not normal for our country). I told him; look, i have cash, i'll give u whatever you need to not pay for unnecessary fees, he told me aight cool, i'll pay you back the moment i have connection(internet, somehow he didn't have it when he was visiting) he told me he'd wire it the moment he'd land in the UK, thas half a week ago..
He still owes me in total 1k,. #wibta if i ask him to wire the money i lend him last week straight away ? Not talking bout the amount he owed me what i lend him for his business as i said before i dont "need" it straight away.
I know he's gonna pay me back.. but it looks a bit.. meh now, don't have any more words to describe the situation atm..
Long story short; I lend my friend money for business that i had no exact date to pay me back.
Lend him more money for him avoiding paying fees,
#wibta for asking the money that i lend him recently back?
I'm in quite of a pickle here..
(Sorry for bad spelling here n there, its late & i'm kinda drunk)
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
WUNq0AjYhWNKYaySDmJpPcFKjRGSH4Nc
|
avf44z
|
{
"description": "finding my coworkers bathroom habits disgusting",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for finding my coworkers bathroom habits disgusting
|
Hello all,
Posting this on an alt account for obvious reasons.
I work as a research chemist in a large research center. As you can maybe guess, people here aren't always the best with social cues, hygiene, etc
One of the older chemists that works with me on my floor seems to frequently make trips to the bathroom. From conversations with him, I know he is originally from a foreign country (this will be important later, maybe). Now the frequent bathroom trips aren't an issue (who cares), but it's his behavior in the bathroom that I take issue with.
He will spend upwards of 15 minutes grooming himself in the bathroom. This includes, but is not limited to: brushing his teeth, shaving, washing his face, etc. He tends to make a mess and take up space when doing this, but what really grosses me out is the sounds he makes when doing this. All manner of slurping and gargling noises as well as gutteral throat clears and spitting of loogies. It's a show. He also does this whole act regardless of whether there are others using the bathroom or not. I mention the fact that he is from another country because I believe cultural norms could be at play here, as well.
So my question is two-fold.
1. AITA for thinking this is disgusting and should not be happening?
2. WIBTA if I mentioned something to him?
Thanks
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
wJwx6ulQdnP6PojdvpBKXnOEQwQUADFn
|
b00uyb
|
{
"description": "going behind my closest friend's back to warn his girlfriend about some red flags I saw",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for going behind my closest friend's back to warn his girlfriend about some red flags I saw?
|
I need to use throwaways and different names for this. I'm friend with Vik who is an Indian American and one of my closest friends through college. Vik is in an LTR with Kat, who I know for the past six months or so, mostly hanging out with Vik.
Right away I thought they were different people. Vik is definitely a guy who is intense about his education, money, and a lot of other things, but Kat is mostly just chill and a very down to earth person. Kat is also a yoga instructor (this is important, I'll get to it).
Kat comes from a more traditional Christian family who would like her to get married soon but Vik has been delicate about it. His parents are hard asses, and I can see why. She's confided in me several times that she and Vik see the day they get married, and honestly, while I don't see a lot of things in common, if they're happy, who am I to object, right?
Except, Vik started telling me several times in the past few months about how he mostly only enjoyed the physical companionship that Kat gave him. How she was "his sexy white blonde girlfriend" and how he felt sexy showing her off to his friends at his internship parties. Here's the thing .. he hasn't introduced her to his parents, and I know that he's telling them that she's not something for the long haul. I can't imagine his parents being in the dark otherwise. He also told me that while he tries to make Kat happy "with marriage talk", it's something he only tells from time to time so that they don't fight.
I called him out a couple of times on this and he seemed to backtrack and be a little remorseful. He also seemed to say that he was just happy to have someone sexy and physically attractive in his life, not that he was fetishing her whiteness.
But I think he is and maybe denying that to himself. So I decided to share some of this with Kat. I didn't paraphrase him but I told her that he might not be serious about marriage and there's a chance he's seeing you as a prize to show off.
AITA? I haven't heard of any fallout yet, and Kat said she'll talk to him about it sometime, but now I feel guilty I betrayed my close friend for someone who I enjoy spending company with (maybe I'm mildly infatuated, but I'm definitely being grounded) and don't want to see hurt. AITA and should I have just kept my butt out of their business?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
MzKkr6sKLANqWoZz95NrCHrj2FhWtZjH
|
a1ylui
|
{
"description": "not letting my sister get a toy because it weirds me out",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for not letting my sister get a toy because it weirds me out?
|
Now, you may think “No, that’s completely reasonable” but i have trypophobia, so things with holes weird me out. The toy was a stress ball where when you squeezed it, it poked through the holes to show little balls, and they poked onto the plastic to make it look like it had so many tiny holes on it, and that disgusts me. Is that mean?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
QjXv20CyyTNzFhv6eP7FwR06QBWiCHZZ
|
ai2o85
|
{
"description": "telling my friends to fuck off",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For telling my friends to fuck off?
|
So this happened not long ago. Maybe an hour ago I’d say. I was playing video games when my phone starts BLOWING up. Like 28 texts in 5 seconds. I check it and it appears that 2 of my friends put me in a group chat. They are just saying my name over and over and just demanding that I FaceTime them because they have something to show me. I told them I couldn’t FaceTime and they just kept telling me I needed to and they called me a bitch for not FaceTiming them.
I set my phone down for 5 or so mins and when I pick it back up there is another 50 or so texts. That’s when I got pissed and sent them this text “Alright I normally wouldn’t say this but y’all are annoying the FUCK outta me. Either tell me in a text or fuck off. I don’t wanna FaceTime so accept it”. Was I the asshole in this situation or was I in the clear?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
zxzwO4rPI5QJXai9EXZzkG7ITZWOYTGW
|
a7v6m6
|
{
"description": "not supporting my S.O's desire to stay in an abusive household",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not supporting my S.O's desire to stay in an abusive household?
|
I've been in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend for 6 years (we're both 18 atm). I loved her to pieces at the very beginning, and my love has only grown as time progressed. Admittedly, there's been some bumps along the road, but I'd like to believe our relationship is steady and happy. However, we've taken a huge hit this year in the form of domestic issues on her side. Apologies if this seems nonsensical or poorly written, as it's quite late and the dilemma has kept me sleep deprived for a few weeks now.
Her parents are borderline abusive. Her father would demean her in every possible way he knew how to the brink of tears, take away her belongings and force her to work in his store for 9 hours every week day. On top of that, there would be violent arguments on a nightly basis between her mother and father, eventually dragging her into the mix. Before bed it became almost a nightly ritual for me to cheer her up before she slept, then check up in the middle of the night to ensure she'd fallen asleep. As a result of the bickering and constant blows to her self esteem, suicidal thoughts were constant and self harm wasn't rare. As our relationship continued her tendencies lessened, but it wasn't helped by her dad.
In March, he finally got kicked out by her mother, and things seemed to look up for us. However, things only took a nosedive from there. Her mom was even worse, berating her to worse levels, physically attacking her if she "got out of line", and is now meticulously trying to break us up. We went from daily chats to only week days, then down to Monday Wednesday and Thursday, and now only Thursdays.
My partner is almost always in a state of depression and it's become an uphill task to brighten her mood, usually taking most of the day, only to have her ripped from my arms the next morning. I beg of her to contact the authorities and just get this sorted out, but she downright refuses. Last week, we had the biggest argument of our relationship. The key points were as follows: I asked her to get help, she remained adamant in her refusal and said she's "too afraid of her mother getting arrested or committing suicide." I asked her what her solution to the issue was, and she said she simply wanted to wait and see how things turned out. She also said that she wasn't being beaten constantly, so there was no point. I desperately tried to hammer in the point that abusive relationships never get better, and the last year was a pristine example of that, but she ended the conversation with "All I want you to do is support me. I don't want to argue, please."
I reluctantly agreed to support her, but still expressed my disapproval. Am I in the wrong for wanting to draw the line? I don't want to encourage her behavior with support, but I feel as though I'm the only person who would be willing to support anyway. I love her so much and I just want what's best for her, but it feels as though she can see the right way to go and is simply ignoring it to hurt herself.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
RiV0tnCZVoTwjrsqZlb2vNDLrM8WNzHG
|
ak1hr2
|
{
"description": "being mad that my long distance girlfriend didn't text me goodnight after a night getting drunk",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for being mad that my long distance girlfriend didn't text me goodnight after a night getting drunk?
|
A bit of back story. I met Jane online over a year ago and we saw each other once about 6 weeks after talking online for the first time. It seems like we've been tentatively planning a trip since the last one. As of next Friday, I will have enough $ to pay for the entire trip, so she'll have no more excuses.
We still talk all day everyday. Last night she went to a younger family member's birthday party and she always gets drunk at these things. I asked her to text me goodnight so I know she made it to bed safe and she didn't.
I'm really mad and I still haven't heard from her. I've been sober for over a year and I can't imagine ever getting so drunk that I would forget about her. How is that possible? Either she got so drunk that she forgot I existed. Didn't care enough to tell me goodnight. Or the darker scenarios: she ended up fucking some random guy or something happened to her.
Am I the asshole for being mad?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
TTyrv9aIFP8X7UKq4JbRwFl9seTe2zdd
|
a2jp0f
|
{
"description": "not wanting my stinky smoke infested father in law to sleep on our couch",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting my stinky smoke infested father in law to sleep on our couch?
|
Father in law wants to stay the night because he's been drinking too much. My husband agrees. We are arguing where to put him. We have an air mattress but no clue where it is in our garage. Father in law is a chain smoker and literally reeks up our house every time he comes over. Thankfully the guys stay in a designated dude area so house doesn't get terrible. I offered to buy another are mattress and/or take the man home and get him in the morning to get to his vehicle. Husband thinks I'm terrible for treating him less than human. Any advice or comfort would be great. Thanks.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
ZRdwUKLeNL7odJxuhiaScert2ogzmRdl
|
a1e6ky
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend she can't visit her best friend",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend she can't visit her best friend?
|
Long story short, my girlfriend knows a guy who lives in the UK, she lives in America. I also live in Canada. Lots of long distance shit going on here. A few years back she was in a relationship with this guy, but it only lasted a couple weeks as they weren't really feeling it. However, to this day, they're still best friends. She doesn't talk to him nearly as much as she used to before her and I were dating and I trust her enough to believe this is truth. Keep in mind I have always been a bit uneasy with him however as the relationship they were in for those two weeks was pretty sexual from my understand she gave of this guy.
​
Today however she sends me a text saying she wants to visit her ex sometime in the summer for a week. By herself. And I absolutely flip the fuck out on her and tell her she can't visit him by herself for a week, certainly not across the fucking ocean either it's not like he lives in town or anything. I frankly don't care how much I trust her, it's him I don't trust. I've barely spoken to him in the last 7 months I've known my girlfriend so I have no reason to trust him. I even straight up told her if she visits him without my go ahead I'm going to break up with her as I won't be able to deal with the "What If's" that will be going on in my head.
​
I don't want to be an asshole, but now after an hour of cooling down a bit without talking to her I'm honestly not sure if I'm justified or the asshole for this. It's not like I told her to cut contact with the dude, but at the same time this guy is suicidal and she's the best friend he has. I am completely conflicted as to what I should be doing right now. I can give more details if anyone wants, although I'm sure no one wants a transcript of the last 3 hours of our conversation lol.
​
I'm going to apologize either way, but its up to you internet strangers to tell me what exactly I'm gonna apologize for. Thanks in advance random asshole judgers.
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"description": "telling my roommate he can't use our kitchen",
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WIBTA for telling my roommate he can't use our kitchen?
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I (21) have been living with my best friend (19) for about 8 months now. It's been decent for the most part, always pays his rent, doesn't complain about noise, doesn't have random people over at all, and we're pretty good friends. My main gripe is he REFUSES to do the dishes. I am not exaggerating when I say he has done the dishes less than 6 times in the 8 months he's lived here. It genuinely pisses me off. He'll make food or use dishes just like I do but he acts like because I'm the only one that really cooks meals (which I always share with him or offer to), I'm the only one that has an obligation to clean our kitchen.
​
And it's not just a "oh he has a threshold, he'll do them eventually" type thing. I've asked him as much a 10 times in one day to do them and he says "in a minute" and just keeps smoking weed and playing video games. I'll go out of town for a weekend and purposefully leave them undone and ask him to do them so I can cook when I get back, not only will he not do them, he will use more dishes and leave them on top of the old ones. Anytime I "test" his tolerance to filth I always lose, because he will let fruit flies, slime molds, and even fucking MICE propagate in the kitchen like it's no big deal. On the VERY few times I've seen him actually do them, he will just throw dishes away in the trash if he thinks they're too dirty, and leave the excess food waste to rot in the bottom of the sink. I've vomited before just cleaning out the rot.
​
Last time I'm making food he comments saying he might want some, I said "only if you do the dishes". He replies to me I shit you not with "You don't do them that much more than me, and besides I'm the only one that ever finishes them" which is utter bullshit (only reason he's ever "finished" them is because I do the bulk of them and leave like 3 bowls in the sink to soak). I'm to the point now where I am sick of this shit. I am tired of feeling like I live with a 9 year old and it's genuinely starting to effect the way I view him as a friend. I am considering him telling him that he's not allowed to use the kitchen anymore because he's not responsible enough to do so, perhaps even putting a lock on the kitchen door to make my point. Would I be an asshole for this?
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"description": "wanting telling my boyfriend I want to cut my hair",
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AITA for wanting telling my boyfriend I want to cut my hair?
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I’m a tomboy, and I always have been. I’ve never worn a dress willingly in my life, I wear boxer briefs, men’s jeans, men’s shirts. I don’t carry a purse, never have, I just keep my wallet and cellphone in my pockets. I don’t like being forced to be feminine.
The only hugely feminine thing about me is my hair. It’s not too long, but it’s about armpit-length and I hate it. Majority of my friends are male and we like to play sports, and just having to tie it back and brush it out of my face is a pain. My long hair is inconvenient and ugly, and it gets caught everywhere, and it sheds, so I want it cut to look androgynous.
However, my boyfriend is very against my decision, saying it will make him upset if I cut my hair. He’s afraid of me looking like a trans person/looking like a boy.
He will say something like "I support your decision" and then two minutes later BEG me not to cut off my hair because he loves how it looks. He shaved his head almost two months ago without asking for my opinion, and although I did not entirely like it at first, he liked it and I grew on it. I told him he would most likely get used to my shorter hair, and he still wouldn't believe me.
He compared me cutting my hair to getting a face tattoo, when that's barely the case here. I've tried to tell him that hair grows back but he gets irrational and defensive, and says that he will really miss my hair and he would get sad if I cut it.
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AITA: Nephew is always crying and sick, and I have an opinion
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My nephew is almost 2 and is the first child to a 24M and a 20F. They don’t live together but visit each other often enough. The father spends all of his free time gaming and if he isn’t gaming he is working. The mother lives with a roommate and has many visitors due to the roommate inviting men over about ever other week. The mother also lets me know that her roommate allows different men that she has barely met in and around the house when no one Is there. She also mentions that she isn’t well off and struggles to get certain necessities sometimes.
My problem is that I’m inputting my opinion in certain situations where it seems appropriate and then the father usually gets really upset when i do. My nephew isn’t super sick but he has allergies that make him constantly have a runny nose and a cough. Today while the mother was visting the father was playing his games again ( I forgot to mention that when the father has to watch the son he asks me to watch him so that he can play his games) and my nephew seemed like he wanted to be picked up so I just said “ hey why don’t you pick him up” not in a mean or rude way just like hey why not try that? And the father went off and said that I’m always inputting opinions.
He brought up a recent incident where I had commented on a photo where my nephew didn’t have gloves on but was playing and building a snowman in the snow. I wouldn’t have payed any attention too it but the child has bronchitis currently and it’s about the 3rd or 4th time of him having it. He is on medication for it but also has to take 2-3 everyday just for allergies. The father has money has time to be able to buy gloves but will not and I wanted to input that hey maybe he should have a pair of gloves on. I’ve also commented on incidents where they were not wiping when changing him when he peed and just when he’s whiny or hungry. I usually just casually say like “ aww he’s probably hungry or awww he wants to be picked up.”
AITA: for inputting information to new parents about their child.
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"description": "loudly shaming someone for their poor hygiene during a Magic the Gathering event",
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AITA for loudly shaming someone for their poor hygiene during a Magic The Gathering event?
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I was playing MTG a couple weeks ago at the card shop with my friends and about a dozen other people like I always do. After the first round my friends and I all noticed a pretty foul body odor. I get that MTG players have a stereotype of bad odor, and sometimes someone might have a little funk but this was pretty nasty. We eventually found the source and it was a guy who nobody really talked to much. He just came, played, and left each week. Well we tried to ignore it since he had never had this issue before so I just assumed a freak occurrence. It was gross, but we got through the night just fine.
Well last week we went in for games and the moment he got to the tables we all recognized the same stench as the week before. At this point I went to the owner and asked if he could say something, but he refused saying we should just try to ignore it. Well after a round of play it got so bad that my friends and several other players were stepping outside between games just to get fresh air away from him. I finally had it and before the next round started I loudly announced to everyone
"to whoever didn't bother to take a shower today or even this week could you please do us all a favor and learn basic hygiene. This is disgusting and you should know better."
Everyone went quiet and the guy in question finished his game quickly left the store. While everyone initially seemed to appreciate what I'd done the owner gave me a few dirty looks as did a few other players. One even approached me after the tournament and told me that was a cruel way to handle the situation.
Was I wrong to do this?
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AITA for being angry at my dad?
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so today i was sitting a little away from everyone because i wasn’t feeling well and wanted to sit on a comfy chair. my dad offered me a less comfy chair near him and i said i was fine where i was. he then offered again, and i said i was comfortable. then he got really mad and said “i am giving you ONE MORE CHANCE to sit here!!” and i was like ?? didn’t realize it was that serious. so i walked over and sat down and he said (VERY LOUDLY) “AND I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOUR UNDERWEAR SHOWING. NEVER AGAIN. NEVER WEAR THOSE SHORTS AGAIN.” i hadn’t even realized that my shorts had ridden up. he continued to (in public) chew me out for this, even though i hadn’t realized, and i was mortified. then i looked away and he started screaming at me to “GET OUT OF MY SIGHT. IM GOING TO COUNT TO TEN AND YOU NEED TO BE GONEEEE” and continued to scream at me like this, in the middle of a bar, while my sister fumbled to get me the room key. he kept on making vague threats about how if i wasn’t gone in ten seconds i would face consequences, so obvi i left asap. this type of (in my opinion, completely irrational) reaction is common with him, except normally he tells me i’m gaslighting him/being a martyr when i start to cry, but i left quickly so it didn’t show that i was upset. here’s where i’m the asshole in the situation: my family is wealthy. we are currently on vacation (where this is happening) and my parents are paying for my college and they take me and my sister lots of places, so i feel like i can’t really be mad at him?? so reddit, am i ungrateful, and AITA?
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WIBTA for not visiting family while in town visiting my best friend?
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I needed a break from work because it was getting to be really stressful ( I work in a hospital for burn victims). Like I would even have dreams of still being at work to paint the picture. I felt so drained. I decided to see my best friend who lives 3.5 hours in our hometown. Had a great time. Went to the mall, boxing gym and had an amazing cookout. Something I def needed.
I know my family would like to see me but I also know two things. 1. My family would know I was in town the night before If just stayed for a little bit and would be distraught If didnt see them first. 2. My sisters use me to get them food or pick them up from school early and take them anywhere, I hate using time ment for me to relax being thier uber.
I really don't have the social energy to see my family rn and I'd like to enjoy the rest of weekend in solitary. I still feel like crap from work.
So reddit WIBTA?
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WIBTA for wanting to label a relationship with a guy who doesn't like labels?
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I (20F) have been flirting with this guy (24M) for just under two months now. The flirting is definitely mutual. We both are have low-key petnames for eachother, kinda more like possessive things, where he'll call me his girl casually or vice versa.
He lives in Europe while I live in the US, and we have an 8 hour time difference. I'm a full-time student and he works, making the time difference harder but we persist. I text him during my classes and he texts me whenever he can from work. We started off just flirting super over the top when we met through a friend, but now we talk daily for hours on end. We were video-calling a few weeks back, and his roommate basically assumed I was his girlfriend, which he didn't accept or deny. While I was on vacation for two weeks, I didn't talk to anyone in our groupchat except him. We exchange good mornings for both of our time zones and if we don't fall asleep mid-conversation, we say good night. He can sense when my emotions are off and will make sure I'm alright and not upset, and will stay up helping cheer me up. He puts up with my quirks and flaws, and is genuinely an amazing guy, almost perfect for me.
I've had friends ask what our thing was before and I just answer vaguely, saying i don't know, we don't really have a label. I just talk about how I'm always smiling when talking with him and that he makes me happy. I also mention that I'm in no rush to label things because I'm scared that it'll fuck things up and that I'm happy with whatever.
In our group chat, another one of our friends, me and him were talking about little things that annoy us and one of his was labels, he basically said he felt they were unnecessary. So he didn't really say that explicitly to me, but knew I was on.
While I'm fine without a label, sometimes I do wish we had one. I'm not the type of person to bring up the "What are we?" discussion and I don't think he is either. And even if I do bring it up, I'm scared of ruining our happiness. We joke about kids and marriage, because neither of us are ready for that yet, but neither of us are opposed to that in the future as a possibility. We joke and imply sexual stuff a lot but haven't done anything sexual. I personally shy away a little because I'm scared of oversexualizing things and ruining the potential relationship, but I'm not against it.
However, we always talk about visiting each other and going on dates and dinners and cuddling, so I feel like this isn't just something small. I definitely like him and my friends can tell when I'm talking with him. He likes me back, he hasn't said it in those words but implies it heavily. Our mutual friend has basically said that we'd be perfect for each other and its not one-sided. My birthday and Valentine's day are both coming up and while neither of us really care about Valentines, I feel like clarity would be nice, but not needed.
WIBTA if I brought up the idea of labeling what we have, after he expressed not liking labels?
(sorry for bad formatting or anything, long time lurker, first time poster!)
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AITA for wanting my in-laws to change their investment?
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I (34 F) have two sons born 2 years apart. When my oldest son was born my in-laws insisted on opening a life insurance policy for him. This made me a bit uncomfortable, but my husband wasn't concerned, so we gave them his SS# and signed off on it. They claim it will continue to grow like an investment and he will be able to get cash some day. I don't have the details of the specific plan.
When my youngest son was born they had planned to enroll him in the same life insurance plan. We signed off on the paperwork again and thought everything was all set. Recently, my MIL told my husband that the "deal" my older son received is no longer available, so they are considering other investment opportunities and asked my husband what he would prefer. We discussed it briefly and agreed that a 529 college savings plan would be appreciated. We have 529s for both boys, but other people can also open an additional 529 plan for the same child.
After this conversation it made me uncomfortable that the boys would be receiving different investments from my in-laws. I was always raised to treat people fair and equitable. I asked my husband to ask them to change the life insurance policy they have for my older son to a 529, so that both boys would have 529s from their grandparents.
I thought it was a reasonable request but my husband thinks that if I had the conversation with them about how they spend their money, that I would be an asshole. AITA?
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AITA for not wanting a relationship with my family anymore
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Throw away account. Lots of moving parts here so bear with me. Starting with background, originally from an Asian country brought up by a catholic faith. Lived there till I was 22 then got the fuck out of there to the land of the free and the home of the brave. Mom was a stay at home mother and dad worked in an oil field related industry in the middle east country. Only visited once every 3 to 4 years for a duration of 3 months and all he would do during that period is be intoxicated (reason being alcohol was not allowed there) and verbally/physically abuse everyone except my two brothers from my dad's previous marriage. Their mom committed suicide so my dad bought them up with some sort of "pity-entitlement". Then there is my sister, we are twins she would sometimes escape the abuse at times else she's treated like a princess being the only girl child. So you get the picture here I become the scapegoat when he was extremely intoxicated. My childhood was sort of rough because I was not allowed to socialize with anyone in my neighborhood, the school friends I had avoided me after school, etc so I have never developed any sense of having a long term friendships or social skills to this day. Add to that the brothers were constantly causing fights drunk in the middle of the night waking everyone in the neighborhood for some smack comments passed (even weeks) earlier. This would only happen when dad was not around. I guess now I see why none of my school friends wanted to do anything with me after school. Every time my dad would come back for vacation everyone else would get most of the goodies especially my sister and my step brothers. Hell he even got goodies (watches, clothes,etc) for my brothers' boss and their friends (till this day I have no idea why?). But when my mom asked for money to run the household he would bitch that he didn't have any. So my mom would ask my step brothers for some money which made them think they are the bosses of the house. That with their entitlement upbringing and the two of them and the smack comments would always cause fights late at night and my mom would basically be doing nothing but simply adding to the fuel to the fire by taking sides.
Moving further a couple of years the oldest brother had issues finding a suitable partner (Geez I wonder why). Finally he got one and mom was not happy because of some BS reasoning. They married but no one from my family attend the reception after the nuptials. This caused him and his wife to be resentful and how they would cause constant fights. Yes they decided to live in the same tiny studio even though they had their own place. At one point I was thrown in a jail cell for questioning because the SIL falsely accused me (i was 13- 14 year old) for molesting her and attempting to rape her on behalf of my family because of unpaid dowry. No idea on how true the dowry request was. (Dowry = some asian cultures the bride’s family is supposed to provide money and material goods to the groom’s family in exchange for the bride in marriage.). Mind you these molestation/rape and dowry are considered very serious offence in the country I lived in. The cops caught on to her BS and let me go. Now that got him and his wife to be kicked out of the house. In the meantime while all this was happening my dad decided to make brother 2 the head of the household while dad is away and brother 2 becomes radicalized with the old testament shit because he is unemployed and starts imposing crap like tithing to the church, how we should live life per the book of old testament, etc. This eventually gets him kicked out too.
Now I have almost completed my engineering with a year left and same for my sister with a generic arts degree. She finds a guy who also happened to work in the same middle eastern country as my dad. She decides to get married right out of school with no real life experience and possibly already pregnant. I decide to pursue higher education here in the US. But since I didn’t have any aid my sisters’ new BIL decides to help me out by loaning me the money for the first year. I worked my ass off working 2 different jobs, managed to get a scholarship and tuition assistant-ship from the school and was almost financially independent by the time the second year rolled around. In the meantime my sister has popped out two kids and decides to have three career path changes while still living my mom and the sisters husband has started verbally and physically abusing her. Dad retires and moves back home. My mom would keep calling me every week telling me how bad things are between the dads drinking and my sister husband abuse, putting me under stress of a situations halfway around the world which I have no control on. Once I graduated I paid back every single penny and then some, my mom then started making demands that I send her money on a regular basis to which I obliged.
A few years pass by I have a girlfriend who is now my wife. Usual pictures of posted on social media and I was told I am defaming my family’s name and dragging it through dirt because she’s white, redhead, on the curvy side, comes from a broken family and not a catholic. My sister begins unwanted name calling publicly on social media and I have a heated argument with my mom over the phone. I stood up for my wife and I did not have any contact with my family for almost a year. Mom decides to initiates a with a phone call which I accept reluctantly ask about me and the weather in general and starts asking for money. No apologize of any sort just acted as if nothing happened. Hands over the phone to my sister. She did try to indirectly apologizing saying its against catholic values to date or have pre-martial sex and was “concerned” for me. Now I have been in the US living by myself for almost a decade I am not naive and I find that ironic coming from someone who dated a man more than a decade older than her pretty sure she had done the deed a long before she was married. A few months go by the unsolicited advice on relationships continue to roll in. I learn that my sister is a manipulative bigot. For instance she would brag how her friends’ significant other would come back with brand new Iphones and macbooks when they visit the US, thinks one of her friends is dumb for wasting money by running for charitable marathon, talking down on one of our relative who married a man who was significantly of a darker shade of brown and was went bald prematurely, etc Anywho my wife and I are now expecting and were blessed with triplets. She would keep questioning weather we needed assistance in conceiving, asking for medical records so she could verify things with her doctor and keep blasting me with baby pic asking me to take printouts of it and post is around the house so our kids looks “cute” if my wife looks at “cute” baby pictures. And guess what she decides to have another kid too to match the three kids we would have. Sisters kid was born a couple of months later and as usual I am asked to give a lump sum cash amount as her birthday present. We ended up losing one of our child in utero 4 months into the pregnancy and the boys were born prematurely 2 months earlier. Instead of giving us space when we lost a child my mom and sister kept blasting our phones with the usual asking for medical records, advice and god related bs. Few months later were out of the NICU, we skype mom decides to yell at me for giving my kids pacifier, me having a beard and gaining weight. Again ironic coming from my mom who is morbidly obese herself. We learn that one of our child suffered brain trauma and is diagnosed with cerebral palsy. Giving that news to my mom made no difference and the usual asking for money began. With all the medical debt we are almost living paycheck to paycheck. What I am frustrated about is I see some of my friend who have moved to the US from various other counties to have parents who are supportive of their children when they have kids by coming down for a visit and helping around the house. We have none of that. My family never came over when I graduated or even I got married (because we got married on a beach and did not have a traditional church wedding).
What finally broke the camel's back for me was at one point we all at home were sick so we had a rough night and as usual my mom and sister blast my phone. I don’t answer. My sister calls my on facebook messenger I simply sign out of that When I woke up I find a message from my sister why I signed out of facebook instantly I responded that I was trying to get some sleep and everyone at home are sick. She sends me a nasty message trying to guilt trip me saying what if mom/dad went to sleep and never woke up? I am like WTF???. Mom has still been trying to message me on various occasion like birthday, christmas etc but I have simply been stone walling ever since.
For those of you who have been here till now I truly appreciate your patience with this brutally long post although this is AITA i think I needed to get this off my chest. My worst fear is that I even though I am half the way around the world I pick up on this toxicity and end up becoming like my family members. I just want a simple drama free life. But with one of my child being disabled I find some days are hard and I get really angry at everything and everyone not knowing what my future is going to be like and i see myself becoming like my abusive dad. Am I doing the right thing by cutting my family off or am I being the asshole and I need some help ?
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AITA for hating my dad for buying me a car?
|
I know it sounds that I am... But read fully.
I am a 20 M who is 99% of the time at home. I never liked cars or driving. I even got my license pretty late (unlike most people who get it asap).
I work/play/rest etc in my room. I work alot, I am a programmer. I play video games when I don't have work. And I obviously can rest at home.
I literally don't go out unless I have classes. And all my classes are like 5 minutes away from home... Walking!
I do have friends. But most of them are pretty far away and I can't really hang out with them irl. So basically I hang out with them on internet but try to meet them up irl as much as possible.
I got a car for my birthday last year. I know it's a super expensive car. I don't care about the money. I care about the reasons I got gifted a car. It wasn't my father being a "good father".
I literally was angry when I realized I got a car. I never needed or wanted a car. I would literally like 50$ more than a car.
The real reasons that my father gave me a car as a gift is what makes me hate this:
1 - He literally was called a "good dad" by all his friends and family. Although literally everyone in my family was like "you got a car but actually your sister did" (I'll talk about my sister below). Literally everyone knew I never wanted a car and I won't be using it.
2 - he was forcing me to do "manly" stuff like how his friends sons steal their dads cars and beg their fathers to drive their car. (I know I am not a "manly" kind of person but everyone is different. other children liked cars etc but I liked different things. The things I liked always made me tons of money. The things I liked and did, always were technically more valuable.
3 - my sister is pretty much all day long out. Usually comes home at night. She was having a hard time getting like 20 Ubers a day to get around. She got my father's car a few times. But guess what, after a few times that she got my father's car, I got a car! As soon as I got "my" car she started using it. It's basically her car now. I've driven my car for like 10 times. Even if I want to use it for some of my classes I have to ask her like a day before... Literally from the first day everyone knew it was just a fake gift to me.
I am not even sure if I should feel like an asshole for feeling like this but I pretty much do. It never felt like a good act towards me in any aspect to me to be honest.
The car is basically mine in the paper works btw. So I can sell it if I want to I think. I always wanted to do it tbh but never really tried to tho. I feel like It'll be too much drama.
Low-key I want to he the asshole so I know he tried to do a "good thing" in some aspect that didn't see.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
crUmd4U4QVY5WUQIDlHZZJFb9H977Len
|
b4e3n7
|
{
"description": "wanting to leave my mentally ill friend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For wanting to leave my mentally ill friend??
|
My friend (Fake name will be Amelia) has multiple diagnosed mental illnesses. Looking back at it, my reasons for not wanting to be her friend, coincide with her mental illnesses
I met Amelia 3 years ago and I thought that we were somewhat good friends. She acted like a good friend and put effort into our friendship. Now, because of her illnesses it feels as if our relationship has been thoroughly tarnished.
Before I am witchhunted, I want to explain myself
Amelia isn't the best person. She lied to get me away from some of my friends, victimizes herself constantly, and is just constantly negative towards me.
I did add the Mentally Ill part not for clickbait because I believe it directly links to our failing friendship.
I feel as if she uses her mental illness as a personality trait. It is all she will talk about now. I am not her therapist. I am her friend. (I am not leaving her because I hate her, it's just I feel like our relationship is becoming toxic) I am down to listen to her issues, but her constantly just throwing it into my face is just, making me feel awful as well.
I have 5 out of my 8 classes with her so I see her for the majority of my school day so she is a constant influence on my day.
I really started seeing issues with her when one of my friends sat with her on the bus and didn't talk to her and Amelia blew it out of proportion and started saying all these awful things about my friend and attempted to really harm my relationship with my friend of 6 YEARS!!!!
I brushed it off and continued with our friendship. We really aren't fighting or anything right now but, she got a bad fever and stayed home for a week so I was Amelia-less
If I am being honest, it felt great. I felt more open with people, I felt more positive, and it felt great. I feel awful that I think this way.
I haven't really explained the mental illness part of me not wanting to be with her. I briefly mentioned it but, she just exploits her illnesses. She constantly brags about her panic attacks and undermines my issues. I just feel like my problems aren't important when I am around her. She doesn't really understand my issues???
I have intense anxiety and an issue with people touching me. I am an introvert who only gains confidence from being around friends. She would put labels on me and just put my feelings below her. I just feel awful when I am around her.
I am sorry if this is all over the place, I just wanted to pour my feelings out and get some opinions. I feel like I can't leave our "friend group" because I was told by the other two people that I am the 1 person who keeps the group going. I feel as if the group is going to fall apart eventually.
Amelia was a great person and I just think she needs a friend who will be able to accompany all her needs. AITA for just wanting to leave our friendship?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
aLYUMmjM9vcOzlKr7jptbljXKtsA0rmI
|
am40ta
|
{
"description": "getting pissed at people for choosing to sit near me on the train",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting pissed at people for choosing to sit near me on the train.
|
So I commute to work everyday on the train, takes me an hour and 40 minutes each way, and costs me £5000 a year (that’s UK Rail for you). So I’m already pretty miffed about being on the train at all.
I’m also a pretty big guy, 6’3” and broad shouldered, so I make a beeline for priority seating if I can. Purely because of the extra space, I would of course give the seat up to someone in greater need. It’s just more comfortable all round.
Often however, I can’t get this seat. So I settle for a table (I literally don’t fit in a normal row, my knees dig into the seat infront).
I will use today as an one example in what I feel is a series of bizarre coincidences. I’m early to the station, and the train is waiting. I get on and the train is pretty empty, but everyone has had the same thought as me and claimed the priority seats. So I sit at one of the literally dozens of empty tables and get comfortable.
Within 2 minutes, a guy that must have been 6’5” sits down opposite me and starts wrestling his legs in between mine to sit down. Why? WHY!? There’s so many more convenient places to sit. Literally whole empty tables, why would you sit opposite another person clearly pretty tall. Before you think “just move” I tried that. The same bloody thing happened, is the whole “birds of a feather, stick together” thing really true. Only massive people ever sit next to me and I can’t wrap my head around it, I’m starting to think it’s a conspiracy.
So AITA for thinking people are stupid for wanting to sit next/opposite me if they don’t have to? This wasn’t really for anyone, I just had to vent otherwise I was gonna start screaming at strangers on the train.
TLDR - I’m tall, ONLY other tall people sit opposite me on the train. I hate it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
7XEGMttQac3z2bnFDxZfWLreWyGRKxMF
|
a3euf2
|
{
"description": "ingoring my neighbors",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ingoring my neighbors?
|
I live in a rural area and mostly my neighbors and myself keep to ourselves. There's one couple who are the exception. They don't work, they live in a ramshackle trailer and rarely have a functioning car. About a year ago when their car broke down they started asking me for rides. At first only when they really needed it, to get groceries or to a doctor's appointment. I mostly always helped out, but then they started asking more frequently for less important things like to the liquor store. I started having to ask them for gas money, but couldn't figure out how to refuse, they can see that I'm home after all. Over the past year, they have also frequently asked to borrow lawn equipment and the occasional request for sugar, dog food, etc.
In August, they stopped for a while. I think they knew that I was out of town for a time and that I was busy with work. In October it started up again and I've ignored every call and text. When I drive by their house I smile politely, but don't slow down.
I feel like I'm acting like a child, but I don't know how to deal with this situation. They are not friends, I don't want to maintain any relationship with them, I just don't want to feel shitty everytime I see them around. So...AITA? What's a better way of handling this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
Tt5KZukkbIRWMnWGGvJCv1AFsmJ7JLoB
|
b1p32n
|
{
"description": "telling him to be quiet",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling him to be quiet
|
So this happened in high school but has stuck with me to this day.
I was part of a student leadership group and we were supposed to be going class to class and asking people for their suggestions on improving the school. We led these discussions in groups of three. In high school, I was a small, nerdy girl. My two teammates were a pre-military dude and a defensive lineman.
In one class there was this guy who kept giving obviously trolling suggestions (ex. gatorade in the water fountains) and he was shouting them out, talking over people with actual suggestions. I politely asked him to wait. He kept doing it. I asked him again, a little less politely. He kept going. I said "Dude, stop it. Other people have ideas too." He didn't stop until one of my team members finally asked him to knock it off.
After we left the room, my two team members pulled me aside and told me that I was being way too aggressive.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
KtdurNvtskiXURACtV4cQ0CTBHuaaFVh
|
b2p0yj
|
{
"description": "abusing induction loops at left turn lanes in traffic just to go first",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for abusing induction loops at left turn lanes in traffic just to go first?
|
So for those that aren't aware, left turn lanes in my area have induction loops embedded into the roads. There will be one at the front near the crosswalk, and another one several car lengths behind. The idea is that if it detects there are lots of cars in the left turn lane, the advanced left turn light will go on. So in order to trick the traffic light into thinking there are a lot of cars lined up in the lane, I deliberately stop far behind the first car, stopping on top of the 2nd induction loop. When the light changes, the advanced left turn light goes on and therefore, allowing me and the car in front to turn left without having to wait.
Now the thing is, I'm always aware to see if a 3rd car is coming behind me. If so, I just roll up so that way the 3rd car behind me can stop on top of the 2nd induction loop. I try to be considerate like that, and roll up when necessary.
​
But when I told someone about this "trick", they got offended that I'm cheating the system and cutting the "line", when technically if there isn't a lot of cars in the left turn lane, I shouldn't force a left turn light just so I can go first. That's why they put the induction loops spaced out, and not on the 1st and 2nd car spots for a reason... What are your thoughts? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
1rHf4Mfqds0zTLq9DSme0FSE8xRNUgfO
|
al2m7d
|
{
"description": "getting 2 women at my office fired",
"pronormative_score": 88,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA For Getting 2 Women at my office fired?
|
I'm 22 and been a sales rep at a software company part time since about 2017, after I graduated in June I was brought on full time to be a Account Executive (salesman). Which basically means I close deals and get a commission from said closed deals + a base salary. Honestly its a very lucrative career and I recommend looking into it if you want a career change or looking for a high risk high reward career.
This software company that I work at is a start up so its mostly people in their 20's, here's the thing though its all women. The software devs, engineers, customer outreach, interns, HR and other people in sales, exec team is all women. The CEO is a man though an amazing guy, really at the forefront of tech with this product and its actually fairly easy to sell their software products as a lot of businesses need them. Other than us 2 dudes its all women, I have no problem with this at all. They are all qualified and do great work, however there is one thing I can't get over. Their cattiness and bitchyness especially after they found out I was making a killing in commissions.
My first month in June I pulled in about 10k in commissions, highest anyone there has pulled in to date. I started hearing stuff around the office about it and people were congratulating me etc. But also I got some who were not happy I was making that much, especially 1 woman who is the CTO, HR girl and the other 2 women on my sales team. I have one friend at work and she's the office manager and she showed me the messages the other girls in the office have been sending to her. And honestly its fucking hurtful, a lot were making fun of me being short, I must have a small dick (LOL) and my appearance. Some were saying how I'm making more because I'm a guy, even though commissions are performance based and just nasty comments. I didn't care too much as I've heard that shit all before and I'm ok with my height I guess.
I brushed this all off and when we talk in the office they are all nice and we are professional to me, this has been going on since the summer and I've been killing every month since. I got my own office, while they work in cubes and have a lot of freedom since I'm doing well. December was an amazing month due to a lot of businesses wanting to buy our product now and get in on their books for the 2018 year. All the sales people did very well, but I grinded almost 7 days a week 10 hrs a day closing deals and I got a huge commission cheque that I just got today. It was around 45k, before tax which is so fucking crazy but of course I expected it because of how many deals I closed. As expected, the HR girl told everyone I made that much in commission and they were all shitting on me claiming sexism saying I got better leads to close than them ETC and just being nasty. My friend the office manager girl showed me these messages and I couldn't take it anymore, I asked for screenshots from all the nasty stuff they've said about me since June and I went into our CEO's office and said hey can we grab a quick coffee I need to talk with you. He said sure as he wanted to talk anyways about my great month In Dec and congratulate me. We sit down at a cafe and I get straight to the point and showed him everything and tell him whats been going on. He is shocked and said he had no idea this was happening and said that this was workplace bullying and should not be tolerated, but he didn't know what to do. He couldn't fire all the women for this, but I did want one girl who was the most cruel in the messages to get canned. He said he agreed she should be let go for this.
When he got back to the office he immediately called in a few of the women and fired 2 of them, and wrote the rest up for creating a toxic work environment. He also sent a mass email out saying that he has contacted an HR consultant who will be coming in next week to talk with us and review our policies. But now I'm the office pariah basically, no one said bye to me at the end of the day like they usually do and I was getting nasty looks all afternoon. I love working here as the money is great and everyone is nice to my face but I feel like such an asshole for some reason, I've never complained about someone like this before and I feel bad about 2 women around my age losing their jobs. I spoke to my friend about this after work and she said it was extremely a dickish thing to do as I should have confronted them directly to tell them to stop instead of running to the boss. Also she said she does think its sexism that I was making so much more than the other women in the office even its performance based. Also said something about how childish comments really shouldn't get them fired as they were probably joking. Even though I showed her the screenshots and they were of them saying really hurtful things that I'd never say to another person.
AITA for this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 86,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 88,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
fRgpX1Ih9xM3vFPqd1ZeDVYM6tW4nOU7
|
a4fblk
|
{
"description": "making my room mate pay for gas money",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for making my room mate pay for gas money?
|
So my room mate needed to get to the closer airport (fifty miles away) during the week to get home early for Thanksgiving break. He asked me if I could give him a ride, and I said yes because he had no other way to get home. I was frustrated because I had to cancel a meeting I planned a week earlier, and I asked him if he could pay for the gas to get to the airport and back. He agreed very reluctantly and stated that other friends didn’t make him pay for the same ride and that he viewed it as a slight to our friendship. After break, he changed his mind and refused to pay and says close friends shouldn’t have to pay. The money is only 20 dollars and doesn’t make a difference but it’s the fact that he agreed to pay but didn’t is what upsets me. So am I the asshole for making my room mate pay for gas??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 9,
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
LNQencQrc6FnyvuFHL2VVDif1ECOTqDX
|
a2hz57
| null |
AITA in my friend group
|
AITA I'm in high school and there's a group of my friends, there's about 6 of us. There's this one guy who is in the group and no one really likes him, but he has no other friends. Nobody really minded him being there until one day he decided to follow one of the girls in the group home. That happened a couple months ago and now he has began staring at one of the other girls in class. I decided to confront him about it and I called him a creep. Should I apologise and if not, what should I do? Because nobody in the group wants him there and he's forcing himself into the group.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
dZv8b1eq6OdyNz0YLlhkyeO0vQS5Jd3T
|
a3r6vs
|
{
"description": "cutting my best friend of from myself",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If I cut my best friend of from myself?
|
My best friend currently goes a college that is far away from myself. We keep in contact a lot and are frequently talking to each other. However, this past year they went through a bad breakup and which resulted in them developing large drinking and partying habits that has also caused them to loose focus of their studies. They don't do homework and have said they don't have any idea what is on their final (at one point even walking out 15 minutes into a final). I've tried talking to them about it but they always say not to worry about it and that they have it under control. Over the course of this semester, nothing has changed and I've started to get to the point where if I have begun to worry and that has resulted in me stressing out about their situation. Truthfully I want to cut them off because maybe it might show them that what they are doing is not working and that I can't support them anymore. Also worrying about them is just adding to the things I have to worry about myself. So WIBTA if I cut them off.
​
TLDR: Best friend is struggling in school, refuses to talk about it, and I can't keep worrying about them on top of my own problems. By cutting them off until they figure things out WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
1T4HFIj5oytlrRTgBSDM40zdzKsHWxUO
|
a9tbe8
| null |
AITA for how I deal with tailgaters.
|
This is based on a border line argument with a mate of mine just the other day. Apparently I was the way I acted was extremely passive aggressive and dangerous for every body.
So on a multi lane highway. I was taking my family on a small holiday. I was driving in the slow lane at the speed limit (100km/h). Some bloke began to tailgate me.
The overtaking lane was completely clear so I just assumed he would pass me but instead he got so close I could no longer see his headlights.
So I eased off the accelerator and gradually dropped my speed by 5km/h to encourage him to use the free lane to overtake. It didn't work.
So considering the high speed and the other drivers aggressiveness, I decided it was too unsafe to continue driving at those speeds.
I put on my indicator and slowed down to safely pull over to the shoulder, very gradually mind you. After I had gradually slowed down to 50km/h, the driver decided to finally overtake. Whilst beeping his horn aggressively. My kids were crying (they are young and were scared) but I feel I did the right thing.
Apparently I was told I should of just moved into the overtaking lane and let them pass, but I just think at those speeds, any maneuver like that is even more dangerous and much better to gradually reduce your speed and pull over, obviously whilst indicating that is what you are doing.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
K8ajbUQ7Slh23WTSJoX4IEN7kCvLWKcy
|
ayag3m
|
{
"description": "not wanting to cook separate meals for my husband",
"pronormative_score": 45,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA For not wanting to cook separate meals for my husband?
|
I want to eat healthier, and I love vegetables. My husband, however, loves heavy meals. Burgers, steak, potatoes, fried chicken, fast food, etc. He once accused me of making broccoli just because I like to watch him suffer (he makes disgusting faces when he eats broccoli) He eats like a 5 year old and isnt really adventurous in trying new foods.
I dont want to make two different meals every day, and every once in a while I'd like to just have a vegetarian dish, maybe a meal that doesnt include a starchy vegetable.
Ive ask him about him picking some lighter meal options but he never knows. And if I make something he doesnt care for he will throw it away at work without telling me. (Found this out by visiting work and seeing the food he sent to work with sitting on top of the trash)
Since then I'm mostly making things he will eat, and things I dont eant to, or make me sick to eat, so he doesnt waste food. (He loves pasta but it upsets my stomach, but we've had that twice this week.)
I feel like I'm being the asshole for 1) making food he doesnt want and 2) having that food wasted. I just want to get healthy and lose some weight, eat better. (He also wants to lose weight but as long as he doesnt have to go to the gym, or eat healthier I guess lol)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 36,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 5
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 45,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
MGE9SBbYwFa20FmoJ5aDd65vdas389FA
|
b56gq1
|
{
"description": "not hiring my friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not hiring my friend?
|
Many years ago I worked in a company with 2 people, let's call them Co-worker and Friend. Friend and I were senior employees and knew each other outside of work. Co-worker was junior and we didn't know each other well.
Co-worker and I were laid off years ago and found new jobs.
Last November the company gave remaining employees 3 months notice it was shutting down. Friend was still working there and making a very generous salary.
While Friend was finishing the 3 months, we became short-staffed at my new job. The position was junior, part-time, temporary and freelance. I found out Co-worker was available and recommended her. I know Friend wouldn't have taken it, because the pay would be much less than finishing the 3 months.
Now 5 months later, it looks like the position might become permanent. My husband thinks I should cut Co-worker loose and recommend Friend while the position is still freelance. AITA if I don't want to? Co-worker is fully trained and has turned out to be awesome at the job.
TL;DR Would have recommended my friend if I knew the job was permanent - I didn't and now she's out of work.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
1vG9abuSTr5JcyBBpRh8e3G68kqN3vwx
|
a6bl9p
|
{
"description": "being annoyed at my dad",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being annoyed at my dad?
|
A little bit of background...
I have an older sister who is married. The two of them, my parents, and my fiancé and I all live relatively close to each other. My parents have a bad habit of treating my sister differently than they treat me (taking her to dinners, buying her a car, etc) despite the both of us being responsible and financially independent. I am used to this and have been trying to deal with it.
Tonight was a little beyond what I am used to because it has extended beyond just me. My dad, fiancé, and brother in law all work in the tech world. My dad only invited my brother in law to a holiday party that I know my fiancé would have loved to go to. I am so annoyed that the favoritism has grown to this point....AMTI for being annoyed? Do I have a right to be upset? Should I bring it up to my parents? Nothing has changed the last times I’ve tried to have an honest conversation about how they treat me...
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
4iXCnB9dDs4NlgpDwHZWPEb77oxs9O1S
|
a31ml6
|
{
"description": "thinking she doesnt give a shit / is up to something",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For thinking she doesnt give a shit / is up to something?
|
So i met this girl abroad 5 months ago, we instantly hit it off and fell in love, we stuck together until 2 weeks ago when i had to return to my home country. We both want her to move to me and live here after we have sorted out her visa and i have gotten confirmation about my next job assignment. We agreed that frequent facetime calls was a good idea to keep our relationship alive and have good communication, we also text a fair bit. 3 days ago she didnt call me before bed like usual, no problem for me, i understand that people want their own time or are tired sometimes, i am aswell. The second day she said her roomate is sleeping so she dont want to call (wich has never been a problem, even talked loud and laughed before many times wich was no problem for the roomate becasue she sleeps really deep) i was feeling like this was an excuse for something, but i shrugged it off and went to bed. The third day she told me she was going out with her friends to party, i said alright have fun and please text me when you are home safe, she promised to do so so we could have a quick chat. I woke up in the middle of the night with no text from her so i try to contact her (way past bar closing times) but to no success wich made me worried something had happened. she then woke up later (around 6) and said ''sorry just passed out when i got home'', i texted ''what happened?'' wich she saw but didnt answer and went back to sleep i guess. Then at lunch the day after i get a little salty and tell her that its not okay to just blow off promises and that it made me worry like hell (not really a city known for peace & love) and that i didnt ask for much, just a text. Then today she told me she was getting off the night shift early so she could get some good sleep, and i said ''Alright good, call me before bed so we can atleast see each other for a minute'' to wich she replied ''no im going straight to sleep im tired''.
​
I feel like she doesnt care for the calls anymore and that its just excuses, its really not a hard thing to do, its usually very short calls but they do so much and its one of the only things that keeps the distance from feeling shorter for us. I feel like everyone has a minute to call their significant other, its just a minute..
​
AITA for feeling irritated at this?
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HISTORICAL
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aujy72
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{
"description": "saying there's nothing I want from my parents in their will",
"pronormative_score": 60,
"contranormative_score": 4
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|
AITA for saying there's nothing I want from my parents in their will
|
Hello, I'm forty y/o for the last few months my Step dad and my mom (both in their 70's) have been creating their wills. They have been actively polling the rest of the family about what they would want when they die. Stepdad specifically is acting like he's going to die next week like it's on the calendar. My step-siblings have been going through the house like things are on layaway. No really, they put color-coded stickers on things to mark what everyone has dibs on. The boys put dibs on their dads moose head, deer antlers, computers, tools, guns and truck. The girls put dibs on the linens, blankets, patio furniture, appliances, couches and the jacuzzi. Even the grand kids are eyeing the fire tablets, laptops, TVs and surround sound.
Stepdad has museum artifact quality spears, swords, crossbows and muskets. All marked with a sticker of a 14y/o grandchild.
I dont hang out with the step-siblings that often, never really warmed to them. They proven to be callow, vapid empty shells too self absorbed in their avarice to realize they are horrible human beings. So when I was over for a family dinner they are fighting over dibs on things they just found out about like a plot of land in Montana and snowmobiles in storage. I say nothing but my parents stopped the whole conversation and pointedly asked me what of theirs I would want. I looked around, the place looks like a sea of polka dots with all the stickers and I said I didnt want anything. The reaction I got was stunned silence. The step-siblings were incensed that I didn't go through the house like I was shopping and said I didnt want anything because everything was already taken.
There must have been a prior conversation because I saw my mom smirking at my stepdad like I told you so.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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apbelj
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{
"description": "telling my mom's gay friends she rejected me when I came out",
"pronormative_score": 60,
"contranormative_score": 16
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|
AITA for telling my mom’s gay friends she rejected me when I came out?
|
Hello all, as the title says, I came out as gay to my mother a few days ago, and she did not take it well. She told me I was going to Hell (she’s very religious) and that she was so disappointed that this is the life I have chosen for myself. She also made it very clear that she would never accept me or any partner that I may have as legitimate. She hasn’t been returning my texts or calls, and neither has my dad.
Naturally I was really hurt by this, even though it’s what I expected, although I certainly hoped for a better reaction. I felt really powerless in this situation, because there was nothing I could do to stand up for myself so I kind of just took it. I got really angry, and maybe what I did was in spite, but it’s done none the less.
Anyways, onto what I did. My mother is big into dog shows, which means that she has several friends who are gay, and even though she would “never say anything to them” she definitely believes that what they’re doing is wrong and that they’re going to hell for it. One particular couple I’ve met several time, and were friends on Facebook. While I was in tears, I sent them a message explaining what had happened, what she said, and basically just outlining how my mother is a homophobe. I said that I just wanted to let them know what kind of person their friend was, which is definitely part of why I did it, but I think maybe I also did it because I was upset.
So reddit, AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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a4hcmf
| null |
AITA because he didn't make the team?
|
Throwaway because paranoia.
Okay, so basically here's some context. We're both 19 (I am female, he is male), complete 'nerds', go to university, live in the UK and are in the same uni game society (basically like a club). He originally introduced me to them because I'm too socially awkward to meet new people and he wanted to help me break my 'shell'.
When I joined them, they pretty much instantly wanted us to tryout for teams and so we did. My friend is one of those that are in denial and think they're good at everything. He says he can play everything, which is a very cocky thing to say - I don't have the heart to tell him the truth and because he was pretty much my only friend and I didn't want to ruin things.
So we played together, everyone kept saying that there was a huge skill gap between us and they always made fun of him, etc etc. I didn't care, I just enjoyed playing with him except for when he started to get very toxic. He would rage a lot and blame everyone else, even me though I was always the one doing better than him. I finally got the courage to stop playing competitively with him and I had to make a ton of excuses.
So fastforward 2 ish weeks he deranked to the lowest rank while I was actually moving up quite quickly and he was in denial saying it's not his fault and that if we played together he would be able to do well and rank up.
Before the official tryouts period started, they wanted to put me in one of the 3 teams, but I turned it down because he didn't make it into any of them. I felt like I would have betrayed him if I joined it because we were friends and he was the one who introduced me to them. So when he found out, he thanked me for this.
He doesn't respond to criticism well and he likes to make other people feel bad about themselves if he is feeling pretty shitty too. So when he feels bad, he has to make me feel bad too. Everyone says he does have a 'thing' for me, although any girl that comes along he tries to get into their pants whether or not they have a boyfriend. He doesn't take hints very well either. I got over him pretty quickly because the girls he tried to get with before would tell me things like how he had been talking trash about me behind my back and how he is manipulative and so on. He would try to make me feel jealous on purpose and just overall make me feel uncomfortable and he kept trying to make me feel like I can't function without him - which isn't true.
In the tryouts period a few weeks after, there were 2 stages. He didn't make it into the second stage but he didn't know this because he has his notifications off. I didn't want to tell him, I was hoping someone else would tell him... I knew he would get angry.
So before the second stage, we all had a week to prepare for the next one. He still didn't know he wasn't in the next stage so he was practising and he kept asking me things like "do you really think I'm good?" and "what can I do to improve?" I couldn't answer the questions, but all I said was "I don't know, I only focus on what I'm doing not anyone else."
So when we all met up for our society during the second stage of tryouts, he was wondering why he wasn't being invited to the games... I couldn't tell him, I felt so bad about it and I just said "coach told me that we were scrimming (practising) and he had already made the teams. You can take my place after, I'll leave."
So tryouts ended after that session and the teams were properly made. I was put into one of the three teams again and he wasn't - again. This time he saw the notification. So after, we all went out for drinks and he wouldn't talk to me the entire way up. I could tell he was angry so I asked him what was wrong and all he said was "good job making team c," then stormed off. He was angry at me for some reason so I thought okay and just moved on.
So we all went inside the bar (there were like 10-20 of us), except for him who just walked off and I met 2 of my friends there who live in the same halls of residence as I do. One of them was a girl who *really* didn't like him, but he had been trying to have sex with her for a few months. So she was showing me all the texts he sent her, he was telling her things that wasn't his place to tell and he had been talking bad about me to her. He even wanted to go so far as to meet up with her just to talk about me and he kept trying to ask her and call her (she already told him previously that she wasn't comfortable meeting with him alone).
Anyway, I digress. He came back in about 10 or 15 minutes later and signalled that he wanted to talk with me outside. Alone. So I went and he stood there and just looked at me and he yelled at me saying things like "you all seem to be doing fine without me so I won't go any more." and "I want you to apologise to me on behalf of the society."
I don't get it, why do I have to apologise for something that isn't my fault? Why do I have to apologise because he didn't want to take the criticism he was given and at least try to improve? I didn't apologise, I told him that if he had a problem with them then he should go and talk to them about it. So we stood there in some very awkward silence for a solid 5 minutes and he was just staring at me. I'm not good a conversation or eye contact at all so I was just starting at the ground.
He kept saying "I told you how to make it better so do it," and he was saying that I should go and fix things and make things better because apparently I'm the only one that can. I told him to check his discord and a certain channel and he looked and saw that he didn't actually make it past the first stage of tryouts so he said "why didn't you tell me?" I probably should have told him, but I said to him that he should have checked his messages.
He also said, "There's 2 reasons why people apologise: 1 reason is that they did something wrong and another reason is because they're apologising for someone else." I know that's a bit bullshit, or at least to me it is. I don't think you should apologise because someone else did something wrong. Or at least it I don't think it applies to this situation.
So after those really awkward 5 minutes of a mixture between silence and him yelling at me and me practically whispering back at him saying "it's not my fault, I'm not apologising because of something I didn't do," I just yelled and said "I'm sorry that you're so pissed off at me for absolutely no reason" and just walked off back inside.
Was I in the wrong? Was it really my fault? Am I being the asshole because I don't know how to communicate with people? He refuses to talk to me now and we and 2 other people were supposed to be moving into a flat together in august/september. I have no idea what to do.
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{
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|
AITA for yelling a very rude and pushy( as in GO GO GO!! Kind pushy) man to stop and slow down in front of his friends n fam?
|
Characters, me a shy 16y.o male who works at WalMart, Rude and pushy man(RPM) probably 30-35 y.o maybe around 6’’0, RPM’s wife (WPR), And my manager (MM) who knows I have Social Anxiety Disorder. So, this all happened during the BLACK FRIDAY, so I was pretty anxious/restless, I was only a hour into my shift, 10:45 AM-6:45(I should add, I’m homeschooled, that’s Why I have a 7 hour work day)and i has already checked out, at least 300 people, and trust me I was watching that clock for break. Then, RPM shows up, lookin like the typical nice guy, and RPM’s wife follows him, he has 3 SHOPPING CARTS FULL OF STUFF and he plops all I of it into the counter, having to leave some of it still in the cart and having to put it on when there was space, after like, 65% of the stuff, I accidentally double scanned an item.
RPM: “Hey! YOU DOUBLE SCAMMED ONE OF MY ITEMS!!!! FIX IT NOW!!!1!!!1!1!1!l
Me: “0-0kay s-s-sir I’ll fix it. Just gimme a minute,”
RPM:”NO!! NOWW!!!!!1!1!1!1!!!!!!1!!!!”
WPR:”Are you gonna sit there?! Do something!”
At this point I’m shaking, holding back an anxiety attack, trying to do what I’m supposed to do.
ME: *delets both times item was scanned, scans again, only once.*
RPM:”NOW ONTO THE NEXT!!!!! GO! I DONT HAVE ALL DAY!!!”
WPR: “I have to go! C’mon!
Everyone is hearing what is going on, and everyone starts to stare, to whisper, I’m trying calm down, and scan the next item
ME:*with shaky hands, I scan the next item, it scans twice... again.*
RPM: “HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO GIVE YOU TO GET IT RIGHT!!!?!?!?!”
ME:”Sir I’m trying! I can’t focus when you’re going to fast, please slow down!” At this point I’m having full on anxiety attack, sweaty palms, shaking, hyperventilating, sweating, the full 9 yards.
MM:”Ethan, go home. I’ll handle this.”
ME:*gets up and walks to break room gets my stuff, and leaves*
So, AITA for this?
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HISTORICAL
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b90zx4
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{
"description": "giving myself a discount on sunglasses",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 20
}
|
AITA for giving myself a discount on sunglasses?
|
I was in a clothes store in the mall when I saw a small table set up with a sunglasses display. Most of them were around $30, but the glasses I wanted had no price tag. I took them to the cashier, who said that I could bring her another pair of sunglasses and she would just use that price. When I returned to the display table, I noticed a small pair of bright pink kids' sunglasses, marked as $4.99. Perfect. I returned to the cashier, who said, "I'm *pretty* sure these were __not__ the same price."
While I was leaving the store, $5 poorer with $30 glasses on my face, the cashier said to her coworker loudly enough for me to hear, "Can you believe what that guy did?"
It made me feel bad. On the other hand, I think maybe she was the asshole for allowing me to buy them at that price and then criticizing me for it.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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b7mk74
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{
"description": "calling a girl an attention whore",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for calling a girl an attention whore.
|
On my Snapchat a few months ago, I sent a message on my story for about 150+ people to see saying “Rb (reply back) for a brutal roast” then a girl replied back asking for one. I then thought about it for a bit and realised that she dated my friend for a bit and was kind of annoying after they broke up. She would always call him when she was drunk (she broke up with him), texted him a lot. And anytime she was drunk she would send a different group chat each time letting everyone know. And most times she wasn’t that drunk.
So when this girl replied for a brutal roast I said “the biggest attention whore I know” she responded with “ok” for the next 10 minutes I didn’t think anything of it then I get messages from her friends saying “how dare u call her a whore” “you’re disgusting” “never call a girl a whore” and a whole lot of other stuff like that.
I then felt like shit and apologised and said how she took it out of context, she just said “whatever”. Then her friend did a thing on her Snapchat story saying “reply back for a tbh (to be honest)” I replied and she said I was a dog and other bad stuff. I then realised I couldn’t win because they were so stubborn so I began to be an idiot and be a smartass and argue with every point she made and provided evidence.
Overall, the girl I roasted hates me, but the girls friend doesn’t mind me. Was I the asshole or were they in the wrong.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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arhn5g
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{
"description": "not wanting to be around someone with down",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA - For not wanting to be around someone with down?
|
My wife and I have a couple of friends, and our youngest and their youngest get along really well and play together a lot. But so often they invite us over, or we invite them over, and they're early 20's son with down syndrome is there. He's so hard to understand, he makes me uncomfortable, he'll ask the same question 5 times in 10 minutes, and I'd rather be anywhere than around him.
I spent my childhood volunteering with my dad at a centre for the mentally challenged, so you would think I would be better at dealing with it, but I'm not. Last time he came over uninvited, I basically begged off that I wasn't feeling well, and went to bed. But I had to lock the door, because he tried to come in. Sigh.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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akscd1
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{
"description": "being resentful of my grandparents for not inviting my gf to their anniversary meal",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
Aita for being resentful of my grandparents for not inviting my gf to their anniversary meal?
|
So this March my grandparents on my dad's side of the family will be having an anniversary meal and on the list of those invited are: me, my mum, my dad, my sister, my aunt, my uncle, my cousin and his gf, my other cousin and her bf, my other aunt, my other uncle, and their daughter (my third cousin) and her bf.
Now normally this would look quite normal were it not for the fact that apparently my gf can't come because
1)my sister would be "left out"
2)we've not been going out that long
Now in response I have the following things to say
1)my sister likes my gf and vice versa, they get along really well
2)by March me and my gf will have been going out for 7 months.
My mum and my sister both think it's utter bullshit for my cousin's to have their partners but not me.
Personally I'm appalled and more than a little resentful over this, but am I the asshole?
Now I love my grandparents to bits and I love my uncle and his family (aunt and two cousins) to bits, they're some of my favourite family members but I think it's quite rude and more than a little disrespectful to not invite my partner when everyone else has theirs.
Even my sister leapt to my defense saying "how will randompasserby feel then?" When hearing about the exclusion of my gf.
(For the record I'm not fond of my other uncle and aunt mainly because with her *everything* **has** to be a fucking competition from height and age to achievement and education, they look down on everyone who isn't like them and honestly I'm not fond of them, because they can be exceptionally rude)
But again, am I the asshole for being angry at them for excluding my partner even though it's their event and they choose who can come?
Oh, I learned this today btw, and I haven't said anything to anyone but my mum on this issue, I don't want to stir the shit pot any more than necessary.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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awigja
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{
"description": "not inviting my (ex)friend to my wedding",
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|
AITA for not inviting my (ex)friend to my wedding?
|
Okay so, in college, first year I started dating my husband, he wasnt serious back then at all. He cheated on me with my friend (he more than made it up to me, 4 years later we’re married, very happy). That friend just happened to fall in love with him (he’s really charming, tbh everyone wanted him). So that friend hid this affair from me until 3 years later when I confronted her? I had known for a while cause my husband had told me long before that. When I confronted her,I told her I forgave her and I didn’t care about the past, she was being super defensive, I still forgave her cause I didn’t wanna cause drama in our friend circle, Cause I honestly didn’t care. After that, she just generally hated when me and my husband were together? She would tell me weird shit like he’s not worth it, and don’t be with him! (Let me add that she once came up to me before the confrontation, and tried to convince me that my husband, wasn’t in love with me and was actually in love with her). I ignored it.
Towards our last year of college she started being even more weird (me and my husband at this point we’re super serious had made our parents meet and we’re talking about marriage) she would go to my other friend and bitch about the me and my husband. Which was ridiculous cause she acted like she was totally okay in front of us.Let me add that at this point she had been distant from everyone no matter how hard we tried to involve her she always acted like she didn’t care. Our friend group was really getting tired of her shit. After we graduated we had an engagement party like 2 months later and said friend also had the rep of getting too drunk and just wanting to party hard and puking everywhere and What not. I honestly didn’t even feel like she was my friend anymore, and nor did I want her to come to my party with my family and my in laws and get drunk and ruin the whole thing? So I sent her a message explaining everything that made me uncomfortable about her and how I think it would be better if we weren’t friends anymore (also she hadnt met me or talked to me since graduation). Honestly her energy and bad vibes were really affecting me. I told her everything nicely and she replied rudly After which I just told her I didn’t want her at my engagement because I don’t want bad vibes in my life specially at such a happy time. Then 9 months later when we were getting married, about a week before, she calls up my other friend (hadn’t heard from her since the last interaction) and starts calling me a bitch and what not and saying I ruined her life and stole all her friends (I literally didn’t care if anyone stayed friends with her, neither did I ever make anyone share my feelings about her or anything), and that I made everyone stop talking to her. I was shocked to hear such stuff! I always felt bad about not inviting her but I feel like I have my reasons honestly! Idk AITA here?
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RIGHT
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avenv6
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{
"description": "letting my girlfriend know that her family members will be at the same party",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I let my girlfriend know that her family members will be at the same party?
|
So basically, my gf has a pretty big family with a lot of cousins etc. She wants to go to a “party/club” and I heard from one of her cousins (a very good friend of me) that he might go as well. Now that wouldn’t be a problem, the problem is that they both probably will end up drunk and if they see each other drunk they’re gonna tell their parents. So I wanted to warn her so she would be warned but then I thought, what if she doesn’t go? Then I would have “snitched” her cousins who are very good friends of me. So, WIBTA if I warn her?
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{
"description": "quickly leaving the room whenever my family moves conversation to topics that I know will get uncomfortably heated",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for quickly leaving the room whenever my family moves conversation to topics that I know will get uncomfortably heated?
|
I'll be honest. I don't think I am an asshole at all for this, but several family members have started to give me shit for this so I figured I'd check in with you guys.
During the winter holiday season my family gets together a lot. Like we have a mini Christmas party every weekend between Thanksgiving and Xmas, and those holiday get togethers tend to be an overnight kinda thing. So for about 2 months out of the year I spend the majority of my free time with extended family. I love this, but as many of you can sympathize (I hope) this also involves a lot of my relatives getting into heated drunken political "debates."
I am incredibly uncomfortable being around my family when they get like this so I recently started leaving the room and finding something to do elsewhere while they fight so I don't end up an anxiety riddled mess watching it unfold in front of me. It worked great until a few days ago when an argument about immigration started up and I stood up to excuse myself for a bit. My cousin and uncle sitting next to me asked where I was going and I explained I was gonna head outside for a bit. Got some weird looks, but that was about it.
Next day I wake up to find a bunch of texts from that uncle, my father, and a different cousin saying it was "rude and disrespectful" to leave for long periods of time during "family time." I responded that I didn't like sitting around listening to them yell at each other over politics, but they say that is "just what families do" and I should "get over it and stop being a snowflake."
I'm honestly considering either skipping the rest of the holidays with them or only showing up long enough to see my younger cousins and my nephew that I love to pieces. (He is so goddamn cute it kills me.) I enjoy the majority of these events, but as soon as the alcohol comes out I feel like the odds of it staying pleasant go down dramatically.
I am 99% sure I am not the asshole on this, but if there is a legit chance I am just missing some social norm here I would love to know. Is this "just what families do" or am I in the right to remove myself from the situation when it does nothing but make me miserable to be around?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ssD8vmXdjwXBqEepnLn6HkqTjg9wy26I
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ars4bb
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{
"description": "not talking to my girlfriend about things I'm upset about in the moment they happen and for how I handled our argument",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA - For not talking to my girlfriend about things I’m upset about in the moment they happen and for how I handled our argument?
|
TLDR at the bottom.
This was all articulated horribly and I apologize. If you have any questions ask, I’m sure I can answer them much better than what I have typed here.
Also if I sound one-sides let me know and I’ll try and explain her side of it better.
Had an argument with my gf today regarding my tone, attitude, being rude etc. Starting at the beginning so this might be long. I was upset about something completely unrelated to her. We were texting and I guess she noticed and called me. I don’t really like taking about stuff until I want to or until I’m ready to so I told her I’m fine. She then asked if I was mad at her, which she does frequently. I told her there was no possible way I could be, I was busy doing something else. it was obvious what I was upset at and she even mentioned what it was. I still said I was fine because it’s not something I was willing to talk about yet. She then said I was being rude to her because of the tone of my voice. I said of course my tone was the way it was because I’m upset but nothing was directed towards her nor was I being rude or mean. But apparently I was “rude” and I was “mad”. She then called me out for not talking to her and telling her what’s wrong even though I talk about pretty much everything with her and if there is something I don’t want to talk about in that exact moment, I eventually do. What’s the issue? There is nothing wrong with me sounding upset I can’t possibly switch to a happier tone just because she calls me. I told her that she has to respect that i don’t want to talk about it right now.
The argument escalated she continued to accuse me of being angry etc and I will admit I started noticeably getting “mad” I guess but I quickly calmed myself and spoke in a neutral tone. I do this because apparently my tone and attitudes in arguments make me an asshole and mean. I’m not saying I’m perfect or anything like that I know I get out of hand in arguments sometimes but not to the extent that she says. ANYWAYS. I mentioned how her voice is when she’s upset which is occurs frequently and that I don’t take it as being rude or mean. Her response was that “it’s different”. I then asked her what did I say that was rude. She said “I can’t remember” I replied with “if it’s so important why can’t you remember it?” And she got tight and said I was mocking her? I felt I was being argumentative if anything?
Arguments like this occur frequently because she takes whatever I say or I’m doing and assumes It’s about her in whenever it involves any negative emotion. A great example of this is when I had to give my dog away. I had her for like 6 months but I loved that dog. I was devastated as soon as she left the house. I didn’t want to talk to anyone and was feeling the shittiest I’ve felt in a long time. To the point where I was holding back tears. ANYWAYS, she somehow thought it was about her and said I was taking it out on her? I wasn’t even talking to her and could barely speak without my voice breaking. I definitely did not want to talk about this in that moment and definitely didn’t want to talk to anyone. Am I wrong for that? She says that I should just say I don’t want to talk about it but even that has caused problems before, on top of that it should be obvious that I don’t want to talk about it and why or how could I possibly be upset with her in these situations? (Before the argument happens) they absolutely have nothing to do with her, they have very obvious reasons as to why I’m upset and she knows how I am. She knows I don’t like talking about things until I want to etc etc. But still she somehow assumes me being upset has to do with my being mad at her?
AITA?
TLDR: Girlfriend thinks I’m always mad at her when I’m upset at other things. Even if the emotion is unrelated to anger. She also frequently points out that I talk to her in a negative way and that I’m rude even if I’m using a neutral tone or just being argumentative. A neutral tone that I’ve come to speak in because apparently how I normally argue is me being an asshole and mean. Basically I never win and according to her I’m somehow always rude, mean and mad at her. Even if i feel that way about things completely unrelated to her.
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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RIGHT
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0GPlyAqRvNYc4crIWhldNpsA0ip6y4OH
|
b2vp6a
|
{
"description": "not being willing to pay on dates",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for not being willing to pay on dates.
|
I find the idea that I am expected to pay for a womans time demeaning. My time is just as valuable as my dates. I want someone that I can respect as an equal not someone that expects me to treat them like a child when it is convenient to them. For me a woman expecting me to pay is a dealbraker as I instantly lose respect for them.
I have had some people agree with this and some call me an asshole without being able to rationalise it. I thought it would be interesting to hear a wide range of perspectives. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
3hPV2YfLjioSQl6OvGogWeYfaenWttHR
|
abnffw
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{
"description": "getting mad when people compliment my rings",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad when people compliment my rings?
|
So, a bit of backstory:
I am a violinist, and I have played since before I can remember. I also have arthritis, the first major episode of which occurred when I was 14. Since then, it has only gotten worse, with occasional flares that sometimes leave me unable to walk, but it was always fine, because I had my violin.
I went to college, and one of my majors was music. As time went on, I started feeling pain in my fingers whenever I played, but I usually just ignored it. Eventually, though, it got to the point where I lost the use of my pinkies. I spent my last semester relearning how to play my instrument, still in pain, without 2 of my fingers. At this point, my fingers and hands and wrists hurt all the time, whether or not I was using them.
After graduation, I completely lost the ability to play, it just hurt too bad. I spent two months searching for answers, for a solution to my pain; I was given restricting plastic casts, horribly painful cortisone shots in the nodes in my palms, even a round of steroids that made me increasingly manic. I had to go on antidepressants, because I was sinking into a terrible depression.
Finally, a doctor finally realized that I'm double jointed, and the hyperextension was causing inflammation in my fingers, which was causing the locking and clicking sensations that were causing me so much pain. The solution was simple- custom fitted splints (interlocking silver rings) that prevent my fingers from hyperextending. I was fitted, and a few weeks later, the splints arrived. I put them on, and suddenly, I had the use of my hands back. Never mind the thousands of dollars in medical bills I would have to pay, or the years of pain that were now behind me- I could play again!
Fast forward to more recent times. I took on a temporary job in retail, which I'll be leaving this Saturday for unrelated reasons. At least 5 times a shift, somebody comments on my rings. Sometimes, it's a compliment, sometimes, it's a question, and sometimes, it's an insult. The latter happens a lot more frequently than you would expect.
At first, I just sort of went along with it, chuckling and saying 'Thanks!' in that cheery, fake, retail voice. However, as months passed, I became more and more frustrated by it, to the point where I started pointing out to customers who openly insulted my splints that they are medical devices I have to wear in order to avoid immense pain, if just in an attempt to get them to realize that insulting strangers for literally no reason is not okay.
Even the compliments sting. I know they aren't meant to be hurtful, but they are. People compliment me on something that I did not choose, that I cannot change, that, to be honest, really sucks. They're complimenting me on having such debilitating arthritis that I cannot get through the day without these splints on my fingers, splints that have caused callouses and other such annoyances (for example, I can't pick up a glass of water without the entire restaurant turning to stare at the sudden percussion). They don't mean it that way, but that's how it is.
The questions are somehow worse than both. People inquiring as to why I wear these splints feels like a really personal violation. Would you ask somebody why they're in a wheelchair? Of course not! These splints look kind of similar to jewelry... in the same way that a wheelchair looks kind of similar to a chair. They are medical devices, and they're actually not that uncommon. But people asking about them is really uncomfortable, because I have three options: 1) Deflect the question, and potentially anger the customer 2) Lie, and potentially anger the customer (I'm a bad liar) 3) Tell the truth, and violate my own privacy.
Whenever a complete stranger says something about my 'rings', whether it's an insult or a compliment or a question, it really upsets me. I tend to get short with them, just saying whatever I'm required by store policy to say, hurrying up to get the transaction over with. I'm not openly rude, or mean, or loud, or anything, just blunt and brief. I stop putting on the happy retail worker facade, and try to just get it over with. The only time I've ever gotten visibly upset was when a customer yelled at me about how 'you stupid millennials waste all your money on jewelry and other nonsense, no wonder your a\*\* is in retail!' I was shaken, and told the customer to have a nice day after the transaction was over, and asked if I could go on a break. I then spent my fifteen minutes sobbing in my car.
I've had people grab my hands to look at my fingers- again, complete strangers, while I am working- or even try to take my rings off to look at them. That's quite rare, but still, immensely upsetting.
I'm leaving retail, hopefully for good, but I'm still worried about my past reactions to people questioning my splints. When I'm out in the real world, not working, people have never asked me about them, except at places like jewelry stores, and at rehearsals, for understandable and legitimate reasons. I don't think this will be a problem once I'm no longer working at the store, but still, I am not sure if I'm in the right here for being upset.
My rings don't look like jewelry, really, because of the way they are fitted to my fingers (extremely tight so as to properly maintain my knuckles, not like rings), and because of their shape, and because they lack any ornamentation at all. Though I do understand the curiosity, I don't think it's an excuse to ask a stranger about it. To me, it's like asking someone why they have a cast, or crutches, or a hearing aid, or any other medical apparatus. It doesn't make sense to me that people should be excused for ignorance, because my splints are just that- splints. Medical apparatuses. And, why would you openly insult or question someone's fashion choices? Is it okay to criticize a tattoo, or to ask someone why on earth they need to wear those shoes? That side of it doesn't make sense to me either, for reasons of common courtesy.
I will have to wear these reminders of a time of incredible physical and psychological pain for the rest of my life, or I will return to that point of pain. AITA for getting upset when complete strangers point it out?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
EEKdE31b6ly4HvsdvnWjKRBkxOhhO2OD
|
auavc5
|
{
"description": "wanting my ex to stop talking to her friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my ex to stop talking to her friend?
|
So my ex and I have recently started talking to who wanted to try again after about 4 months, two of which were spent dating a mentally abusive boyfriend, one that she was seeing before I dated her. I was under the impression she wanted nothing to do with him, however her “friend” (lets call him J) is always trying to get her back with him. I know J knows how much emotional pain and stress he caused her yet he still tries to justify it. I’ve told her that I don’t like J multiple times and yesterday i found out she went to dinner with him to “talk about things” so I told her I cant be there for you if he’s still your friend, even though she’s known J for a lot longer.
sorry about this its my first time on here
so AITA for telling my ex after discussing getting back together to choose between her friend or me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
JZJqd1lT3cH5vOYIXQPGHdc6pZ8oVYXx
|
avzgme
|
{
"description": "confronting a student who walks into classroom 10 minutes before class ends, to wait for his class afterwards",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for confronting a student who walks into classroom 10 minutes before class ends, to wait for his class afterwards?
|
This guy has been walking into our class 10 minutes before our class ends. The guy is not in our class, he is there for the next class after ours. I made a comment as he walked by, something along the lines of "you really can't wait for our class to finish?". Professor just said anybody is welcome and some of the other students looked at me like I was crazy. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
1t8WRJF3ja2iHXJk6TC6Qwtehrgnf8D7
|
aqw7va
|
{
"description": "getting rid of a friend who did nothing but complain about Valentine's Day and bitched about me shoving my relationship in his face",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 37
}
|
AITA for getting rid of a friend who did nothing but complain about Valentine’s Day and bitched about me shoving my relationship in his face?
|
I noticed I had not seen a male friend of mine and my husband’s on any social media since the start of the week. No post, no comment, no likes since Sunday. He wouldn’t respond to texts either. My hubby is the one who primarily talks to him since I don’t talk to male friends without my hubby around. It’s my rule and my hubby hub hub respects that. Anyways, yesterday we finally got a hold of him and asked him if he was ok. Yes. Why did he leave social media.
“Because of Valentine’s Day” he said. He does not like being on social media during Valentine’s Day because he thinks couples bully singles and shove their relationships down everyone’s throats. He also claims its just a “Hallmark holiday” that exists for the sole reason of making corporations money. Shit like that. It’s why he takes a social media break.
Well, come to find out he muted mine and my hubby hub hub’s joint account (I don’t have one without him), and the accounts of other couples because we do nothing but brag about our relationship. I told him that our account is ours and we can do whatever we want with it. If he can’t be a supportive friend and be happy for us sharing our love, then he doesn’t need to be a friend of ours.
He got real mad at that because he claimed he doesn’t complain about Valentine’s Day, only get off social media. Me and my hubby hub hub told him that him not supporting us is the problem. It’s a silent way of complaining. Him muting us on social media is complaining. Him leaving social media for a week because of Valentine’s Day is complaining. It’s him throwing a temper tantrum because he thinks he’s a victim of something he’s not.
Honestly, I’m glad he’s not in our lives anymore.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
GSjinE1foH1DVMU0AFfU7RQI2zyChnEa
|
avxfvp
|
{
"description": "blowing up my friend's castle in minecraft",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for blowing up my friend's castle in minecraft
|
It all started when me and a friend(Ronny) started a minecraft server. We had our own town named Pallet town and we made our houses together as one "colony". Other friends joined but more specifically a guy named "7".
7 is in his own colony and is constantly mining the ground to have a massive underground base. Diamonds are his fuel source(relevant for later). Over time Ronny decided to disband from Pallet Town but our houses were still very close and I was upset so there was tension.
In comes friend "bomb56". He joined Pallet town with me and we built some more cool stuff. Tension had built in Pallet Town as Ronny wasn't very far from us and its possible that I was paranoid but as leader of the server I proposed a rule that you HAD to declare war verbally/over chat to make attacks on someone else, this might've been triggered by me logging on and seeing that my 3x3 redstone door was destroyed but this was 6 years ago so that could've been a creeper/dont remember.
The people of the server didnt like the rule but agreed. A couple days go by and I found that about 36 of my diamonds that I hid in a chest behind a painting(not the greatest hiding spot I know) were totally missing and since Ronny was the only person that was ever close to my house I became suspicious. I asked him if he took them and he declined but I didn't believe him. I asked him how many he had and he said something like 12. I went into the server files to check his ender chest and found that he had EXACTLY as many as I had PLUS however many he said he had, which would be 48 in this case and I took it as a sign of war, there was no way he didnt take the diamonds according to what I saw.
I didn't tell Ronny that I found this information. Me and bomb56 planned to destroy his castle and started farming gunpowder for an entire day. Later that night we completely destroyed his castle while he was in it, killed him multiple times, and stole his stuff. It might've been the most enjoyable feeling ever( while knowing that Ronny took my diamonds).
Everyone on the server hated me for my actions not only because I broke the rule that you HAD to declare war before any actions but also because it turned out that Ronny was totally innocent and our friend "7" is the one who actually took my diamonds for his mining purposes.I was just a coincidence that amount of diamonds that Ronny had was as close as it was to how many I lost. I was ostracized from the group at school for a good 2 weeks and ruined Minecraft for everyone.
6 years later we joke about it but now we wanna know what Reddit thinks.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
VcOaQy7FvaJALa2uRatGkA44aLPiBb5z
|
9wiu1j
|
{
"description": "picking up my wife's paycheck so that a bill will be paid on time",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA, For picking up my wife's paycheck so that a bill will be paid on time.
|
TLDR. We have a bill coming out tomorrow and I stopped by my wife's place of work to pick up her paycheck from her. Now she is mad.
Background. My wife doesn't have direct deposit set up on her paychecks. Even though she wants to set it up, she hasn't yet and still gets pay checks directly from her employer.
I made a mistake on over paying a bill that we don't have enough money in our account. Luckily the money doesn't come out until tomorrow and we still haven't deposited her paycheck. I asked her to please drop it off before work or on her break so that its in the account before the bill comes out. She did not and isn't off until after our bank closes. I had just got off work and texted her that I would be stopping by to pickup the paycheck. When I arrive she is clearly hurt that I stopped by her work "asking for money." Am I the asshole? I feel bad because she is hurt but I don't see where I made a mistake.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
6pvqFsFZcPmACbOR0QE0g9m7F7JAkPuN
|
ax29uk
|
{
"description": "taking a phone from the recycling bins at Target",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for taking a phone from the recycling bins at Target?
|
Today my family was eating at a resctruct and there was a Target nearby. So I decided to dumpster dive. I found a Panasonic phone from the 1990s, a Fidbit or something, and a Kyocera Android phone. I took the phone out of the bin and was there for maybe 5-10 minutes. I pretended to have a panic attack to a worker who was bringing carts. Nobody stopped me, a loss prevention officer didn't tackle me to the ground. The phone has a 0% charge and seems to be wiped. I am going to charge it and see if it works. It does power on. Btw this isn't my main Target I go to. Was I an asshole? They weren't being sold, just recycled. Technically I "recycled" it. It's going to a new owner who will care for it. Don't think that's being an asshole, breathing new life into a phone.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"OTHER": 2,
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
PNAmbRxGnxFhrJz2rIZAXoLx8bh5X7Te
|
b83npx
|
{
"description": "expecting compensation from the company for 3 false deliveries",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for expecting compensation from the company for 3 false deliveries
|
I placed an IKEA order for a couch, table, and 2 chairs, and paid for truck delivery (since we live in the city and do not own a car) for Saturday between 5-9 pm.
I received a voicemail call from the delivery service on Friday confirming the delivery time and my address. They said I would be called 30 mins before they arrived
​
• I received no call and furniture didn't come between 5-9 on Sat.
• I called at 10 pm. got transferred 3 times the 4th person told me the driver signed off at 8 he wasn't feeling well I could rescheduled the delivery for 9-1pm on Sunday.
• I was upset so I filled out a form and sent IKEA a complaint, saying I rescheduled but wasn't impressed they didn't even let me know and i had to call to reschedule after being stood up. Especially since I was paying for this delivery fee, and it wasn't delivered.
• 8:09 am on Sunday I woke up to a call saying they are on their way and will arrive at 8:40. I'm excited, might be able to pull of this surprise, assuming they realized they screwed me and am dropping off my stuff asap :) i get up shower quick and get ready.
• They never come. At first I thought I misheard him, maybe he said 9:40 and my half awake brain didn't process. Then figured maybe he called his entire list for that time window. So I wait.
• 1:15 pm and no follow up call or furniture. I call customer service for the delivery company. They're closed on Sunday. So I leave a message, explaining the situation and politely inquiring about my delivery and when it should arrive, leaving my order number, phone number and name
• 2 pm I call the phone number of the driver who woke me up that morning. ask for an estimate delivery time he says he will check and call me back.
• 2 15 IKEA emails me back saying glad I rescheduled and to call a specific number for compensation once it comes.
• 230 Dude calls me back. checked with dispatch, calling me was a mistake he doesn't have my order on his truck. I ask if he knows who has it or when it should arrive and he says its scheduled for 5-9 pm
• I wait. that evening It still doesn't come.
• 945 pm I call IKEA. With the generic 866-866-IKEA number on the website. No one answers
​
It's Monday morning almost 11 am. I am at work. Will be calling IKEA during my lunch. I have been charged for the furniture and delivery service that I did not receive. I was given 3 false delivery times.
I usually never complain to companies or about stuff and try to give, benefit of the doubt, to them in situations but this was a terrible experience and I am kind of expecting that they give me some sort of compensation. IDK what companies normally do but something more then just waiving the delivery fee would be nice (hell even receiving the furniture I paid for at this point would be just nice) but **Am I the asshole for expecting them to compensate me for this bullshit?**
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
Yxv59ZKGokehf0MMwCLt0InrkYQsvFHp
|
aulb6x
|
{
"description": "cutting off contact with my dad",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting off contact with my dad?
|
for some background information:
I’m 23m, have 2 other siblings(25m, 27m)
my mom(50’s F) and my dad(50’s M) were happily married for a long time until my dad up and left us(while my siblings and i were still in late elementary/early middle school) for another woman who he dated in like eighth grade, and apparently they had been chatting on Facebook and meeting up at hotels without anyone knowing
Stepmom lives in another state, and was also married, and Dad up and decided “screw my family!! i’m leaving them for a woman i dated in eighth grade!!”
did my dad ever talk to us during that time? did he ever visit us ONCE?? No, not a word, not a fucking peep
when my oldest brother graduated, he wanted my dad to come down to watch him cross the stage and come to his graduation party, you guys wanna know what my dad said??
“oh someone in [Stepmom]’s family is graduating so i cant be there”
yeah..someone in his wife’s family is more important than his own
last year, when my grandfather(aka HIS DAD!!!) died, And we expected him to yknow COME TO THE FUNERAL because HIS DAD DIED, you guys wanna know what he said??
“sorry but i’m going to a party with [Stepmom]’s family tonight, i cant make it”
my aunts were PISSED, and they cut off contact with him right then and there
two years ago, my nephew was born
at this point, my brothers and i had one tiny string of hope left, my eldest brother just wanted his son to meet his grandfather
..ready to hear the bullshit that came from my dads ass?
“sorry but [Stepmom] and i are going to a concert”
a week ago i ran into my wonderful stepbrother(23m) at the store, he said he was visiting his girlfriend, we talked for a bit
and then he said something that pissed me off
“there was no family event the day your grandfather passed, i was visiting my mom on that day..they were doing nothing but watching a football game”
i stood there, frozen in shock, and he just shook his head
i messaged my brothers about this, and THEY were pissed
so we all message my dad, asking him why he never spoke to us all those years, why he cares more about his new wife than his own family, why he cares about a football game more than his own dads funeral
he never responded
my brothers and i talked, and decided we’d cut him out of our life, if he wanted to choose his new family over the one he’s had for the past 50 years, then so be it
we told him we’re cutting off all contact with him, and that we wish we could have our fun, goofy dad back, but that wont happen
he messaged us back the next day, calling us selfish assholes, saying how we never respected his relationship with stepmom, saying how we never liked her and how we were the worst people in the world
so now i’ve been thinking...AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
88X1troHwVdJfaUeFCBYwKIy1wQBnaxE
|
an9or4
|
{
"description": "telling a kid to shut the hell up for cheating in dodgeball",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling a kid to shut the hell up for cheating in dodgeball?
|
So for some context guys
The kid was about…lets say 10 (even though I was 14 at the time)and his mom was the lead staff of rockin jump. My friend and I went to the Saturday night rockin jump thing, had a good trip overall, and this kid shows up in the middle of the line. Cutting everyone waiting for the game to end. So me and my friend…lets go with MB were playing dodgeball(being good kids;)) and he skips the line, goes straight into the game at the front of the line, and picks what team he wants to be on. I got him on his back like literally right after the game started and he calls out "HEADSHOT!!!"And me and MB are like "what the hell is this kid talking about"and the ref tells him to get out, he oc starts talking back and stats for the rest of the game, then he leaves the area to go somewhere else, then a hour or so later he come back, and this time I’m pissed, so when we get in to the game,(this was on accident) I throw it and it hits him straight in the head, he starts complaining to the ref and starts whining and crying. Then from across the dodgeball court, I yell “SHUT THE HELL UP, STOP ARGUING, AND GET OUT THE GAME” he then proceeded to keep whining, then gave up. Me and MB leave then we go to baskin robins
(He is 16 so he drove us)
TL;DR:Kid walks to a dodgeball court,gets hit on the head, starts whining, then walks away
NOTA:no one is the asshole
HITA:He is the asshole
IMTA:I'm the asshole
ETA:everyone's the asshole
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
WRONG
|
X7hAmpN1ets0pqTO1e4A2o0FP3wp3NM5
|
av7jd2
|
{
"description": "inviting another guy over when my regular buddy is always late",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for inviting another guy over when my regular buddy is ALWAYS late?
|
Ugh. So annoying. I have an F buddy who lives maybe 15 minutes away by car. Whenever we meet up at my place (I prefer my place because it’s clean and tidy), he is always 30min to an hour late no matter the time of the day or the day of the week.
This afternoon I got super annoyed after waiting an hour, so I called up another guy. I texted my F buddy telling him to forget it, I have other plans. He showed up anyway and saw the other guy (half naked, lowering the shades) in my apartment.
He kept hammer texting me calling me a slut/whore/you name it. It’s especially weird because we are explicitly non-exclusive and use protection all the time.
He’s livid I ditched him for another very on-time D. But I feel like I’m not the asshole here especially since he was super late. I’ve just had it with his tardy D.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
GcHNd4QCLKgRKk9adz8oyPzfnyQebkrn
|
ak8e0a
|
{
"description": "getting upset over helping a friend out because it's giving me bad memories",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting upset over helping a friend out because it’s giving me bad memories?
|
AITA?
Ok so for two years I’ve dealt w some relationship issues w this one dude and we ended it plenty times and I recently just cut him out of my life bc I was just being manipulated.
Long story short,a friend wanted relationship advice and I helped him out. But he’s reminding me of what that guy was doing to me and I’m close to telling him not to fuck her over and make her wait forever for him. I don’t really wanna talk about it with him anymore and I don’t like the anxiety it’s giving me.
WIBTA if I just stopped talking to him about it and like made him Change the topic or something?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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