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Q91dFJPkFymWsROlV1vvfjrFCOO6r7E3
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amgen7
|
{
"description": "refusing to do manual labor for a female coworker",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for refusing to do manual labor for a female coworker?
|
I work at a major retail hardware chain in the US part time. I sell appliances. This has been an ongoing problem in multiple departments over the 3 years I have worked here.
There is currently a woman, “Erika”, who also works in appliances and a customer service associate, which is my exact same job title.
Part of working in appliances is pulling appliances off of the floor and off of shelves for customers or for display or for deliveries.
She outright refuses to do it and plays it off by playing up the “I’m a tiny girl” act.
So I’m 20 years old and I hurt my back last year doing all of the labor in this department so I sent an email to my boss and he responded and literally said “women sell more” so he preferred me to be the one doing the lifting but he still wants me to be on the sales floor as much as possible because Erika still can’t even do all of the sales floor component of the job.
So I wrote and called into district management who called me and told me they’d talked with the store management and then the store manager talked to me and apologized and said we both had to do our “fair share”.
Okay. So then today Erika asks me to get items down for her. I told her I no because I had my own work list from our boss to do and because I never ask her to do my work. She said, “I don’t know why you can’t do it, you’re being an asshole.”
My opinion is that if she can’t do the manual part of the job, she should be on a cash register, or not work here at all. Imagine a female surgeon refusing operate because of some bullshit like “that’s icky man’s work”.
It’s the principle of the thing. I shouldn’t have to do her job too just because she has two X chromosomes.
But I am open to changing my mindset if I am the one in the wrong. AITA? Note that I said she was a tiny girl earlier, but she’s 1000% capable of doing the work and I’d be willing to get big things like refrigerators that she legitimately couldn’t handle. That said, Even if she couldn’t physically do it, that’s no excuse and she should work another job within this company, or somewhere else entirely.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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pvbC7KFBnu3rserhs1kmTneoBjqTklEs
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a8mmk3
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{
"description": "not taking my fiance's side",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not taking my fiance's side?
|
Ugh this whole thing is so petty, but please hear me out.
So the other day as I was heading home from work, I call up my fiance (let's call him Sam) to ask if he wants me to bring him anything to eat. He tells me that he's not at home and hanging out with some friends- I say hello to everyone (I was on speaker) and say I'll see him later then. Maybe 5 minutes later as I am driving, one of Sam's friends calls me and says something like "Tell Sam to let me see his phone! He was going to show me something on his phone, but I joked that I was going to go through his phone and now he won't let me see!!" Meanwhile, I hear my fiance in the background "Say no!" etc etc. So, obviously they're all being silly and just to poke fun I side with his friend and say stuff like "Let her see it, be nice!" Sam: "WOW, really?? You're so in the doghouse"-Mind you all of this (I thought) was all in fun, and not serious.
Later that day when Sam gets home, come to find out he is actually legitimately upset that I didn't "back him up"/"take his side". He tells me "When \[friend\] threaten to call you, and told them to go ahead and call because I just knew you'd take my side" I tell him sorry I was just kidding around I didn't think this was a serious situation. Days later (today), he brings it up again saying things about how it hurt his feelings how I automatically didn't take his side, we're supposed to be a team, and he felt that our relationship was disrespected. I (once again) express that I didn't think the situation was that serious, this whole thing is ridiculous, I don't understand why he's so upset about this and I don't know what he wants from me. I also point out that I don't always have to "take his side" because we're allowed to have differing opinions. He claims it's not about always agreeing and that I am disregarding his feelings.
So am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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vLKUTY4TY9uyCbvyjXxaxnx7iFCmbGtm
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avj3br
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{
"description": "ignoring my ex",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For Ignoring my Ex?
|
Hello all and welcome to my post. I recently been called an asshole and I really don't see how I would be considered an asshole.
​
Firstly let me say, me and my ex were long distance for about 8 months(according to her even though it was maybe a 30 min drive) and she broke up with me because she didn't want the distance and told me that she still wanted to be friends and when she did move down closer, which she planned on doing, we could try to date again.
But after about 3 days past of us being split i noticed her posting more about a new "friend" and them hanging out all the time. I didn't think much of it at first, until she messaged me saying that she still wants to be close friends(she empathized the close) and we may get back together if her situation doesn't change. I asked her if she planned for a change she said maybe and that she is talking to someone currently and i found out from her friend that she was talking to him while we were dating.
For the past 2 days she has been posting how depressed she is and how guys are jerks and how no one will ever love her. I decided not to say anything about it because i feel like it is not my place for that anymore and i truly do not care for her problems anymore after everything and basically being the "back up". She has been calling me a lair and a asshole for not being there for her and ignoring her.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
08ht99S4NLmSzl86z6Gw2zgPgv1ysBrW
|
ar4oib
|
{
"description": "asking a coworker out every few months to see if shes reconsidered",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 26
}
|
AITA For asking a coworker out every few months to see if shes reconsidered?
|
So, today newish RGM pulls me aside in the morning along with the AGM, and I could tell I was in trouble, but I hadn't the slightest clue what it could've been about. Well, they tell me that my coworker/crush of a little over a year complained about me sexually harassing her. I feel it should be pointed out that this is the day after our new RGM has had one-on-ones with the staff to try to find/solve some under-the-hood issues that you don't noticed/don't have time to address mid-shift, with one of the questions during said event being "have you noticed or had any problems with sexual harassment?" Paraphrasing, "It''s been brought to my attention that you've been repeatedly asking out coworker/crush despite her telling you no each time, and that is sexual harassment.." and you get the idea.
Let me just say that each and every time I asked (at least 4 times over 13 months.) she never gave me a straight answer. The most recent example being from two days ago, which went like this.
Me: Do you have Valentine's day plans?
Her: Hmmm, maybe. I don't know. Why?
Me: Well, if you don't, I'd like to treat you to dinner.
Her: Yeah, I know.
Then I just kind of accepted the rejection - because that's what it was if history is anything to go by - as I'm used to by now and walked away to get back to work. She's not the first nor will she be the last, I'm sure.
So, yesterday being Valentine's day, I'd gone to the florist the day prior and bought just a rose and a card to write a little corny poem for her. I gave them to her when she came in that day, because whether she wanted to go to dinner or not, my feelings were the same either way. What mattered wasn't the outcome, just the simple idea that she meant enough to me to warrant a special gift on a day like Valentine's day. I didn't bring the date up again, I just gave them to her and wished her well and went back to work. Whether this was the last straw, or it just happened to be an unfortunate coincidence with the questioning and V-day is something I ponder, but is ultimately irrelevant to the discussion I suppose.
It was never my intention to make her feel like I was sexually harassing her; I often go out of my way to stay out of her proximity and keep out of conversations she's part of. Partially to give her space and partially because it's my own defense mechanism that keeps me from making an ass of myself in front of her. I honestly feel really conflicted with how this shook out, because on the one hand I don't feel like I did something wrong enough to warrant the penalty, but I don't feel like I'm absolutely faultless either. I definitely could have "taken the hint" or resolved that if she wanted to see me, she would have said yes/remembered in the first place. Truthfully, I wish she'd said "No, I'm not/will never be interested," the first time so that I could have tried to move on instead of nursing a glimmer of hope in the back of my mind for the better part of a year.
AITA for having hope
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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U3x9BwmjpBt5tu94hxc9WNPp7frNQLpL
|
amj1w2
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pay my husbands friend for studio recording time",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pay my husbands friend for studio recording time?
|
The title indicates that its my money but I'm going to state upfront that me and my husband have a joint account so it is our money. I make more money than him so he has a tendency to ask me about big purchases but I always tell him hey you don't need to ask me to spend our money but if you're unsure about the state of our finances feel free to have a discussion about it with me. That being said, here's the specific situation we're in now.
So my husband is in a band with his two friends (lets call them Tom, the drummer, and Jim, the bassist). They're not big or trying to become big, but they do play shows locally and have recorded music before and it's on Apple music and such. The recorded their first EP about a year ago and Tom has a best friend (lets call him Connor) who has a recording studio. Connor let them use the recording studio for free/helped record for the first EP.
They've been working on songs for their new EP and decided they want to record this one as well. A few weeks ago, my husband suggested to Tom and Jim that his friend Dave has a recording studio that he would let them use for free. Tom said that he didn't want to go behind Connor's back and use another recording studio so my husband and Jim said that's fine, they can use Connor's studio again. So they recorded this new EP last week or so. Then yesterday, my husband gets a text from Tom asking for $100 to help pay for the recording. Tom never mentioned having to pay but my husband still feels obligated because he doesn't want any issues with the band. I say obviously if he wants to spend $100 for this, he should do what he wants because again, it's not just my money. Then my husband asks what I think of the situation and what I would do.
I think it was a super asshole move of Tom to not tell them beforehand that it would cost money. Yes technically we have $100 but we're in the midst of planning for a wedding (we got courthouse married and are having the reception in a few months) which Tom knows that we are doing, so money is tight right now. Also my husband took a new job that has potential for growth but was a pay cut from his last job, so again, money is tight. I told my husband that if this was my friend, I'd let them know that I think it's incredibly rude that they didn't tell me beforehand that I'd have to pay, that I would never do that to my friends, and I probably would stand my ground and say that I'm not paying for this. But again, I told my husband it's his band and if he really does want to pay them then fine but I don't think it's a good idea and kind of sets a bad precedent that we can just be gouged for money whenever and we'll role over and pay it.
I feel like maybe I'm being a cheap asshole though? I know recording studio shit takes time and stuff so I don't want to make it seem like I don't value someone's time and help. But Tom already paid his friend and I think if he wanted us to pitch in he should have told us. And like I said my husband had a friend who said he would do it for free.
TLDR AITA for thinking that my husband shouldn't pay his friend/bandmate for studio recording time because he didn't tell him it would cost money beforehand?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
r28efvbDM1wekgJVNb5Nj5hX0GpJApPP
|
arj2xp
|
{
"description": "not wanting to cross that line",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to cross that line?
|
My spouse and I just had a serious talk about divorce after tip toeing around it recently. They told me about a month ago they were 50/50 leaving me then a few days later said were not ready to end it yet. Slowly over the last month I’ve came to believe that their mind was already made up and approached them about it today. They said that wasn’t their plan and apologized. We both now agree the marriage won’t work and is headed for divorce. They currently have a conditional green card based on their marriage to me. I did some brief research and it looks like divorce will not help their case for permanent status but as long as the marriage wasn’t a sham they should still be fine. They start talking about staying together just so they can get their immigration status and I said no way. They made the point that it would help me with finances. It’s true that it would be tough without them but I can do it. They start saying stuff like remember the good times, don’t I trust them, and that they would do it for me etc etc. I’m pissed that they would even suggest we pretend to still be married for another year. Am I being selfish? They said they couldn’t believe I didn’t at least sleep on it. Am I wrong to be so quick and stubborn on my stance? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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UpBJNa9q9ZmbLyacQT5IiiQJI8RuXwsf
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a82a5k
|
{
"description": "hooking up with my best friend while she was in a committed relationship",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for hooking up with my best friend while she was in a committed relationship.
|
So for the past 6 years I have been best friends with this girl. We were extremely close and touchy but always platonic. I was attracted to her to an extent but valued our friendship way too much to try anything. She began dating this guy long distance and around 4 months later we started hooking up. Basically every time we did we both were drunk after a party. We never talked about it and we never told anyone. Until one time I left her neck covered in hikeys(idk how you spell that) . Keep in mind I have never given a hikey before and had no idea how I did. She was forced to tell one of our close friends and it got weird. But the weirdest part was that she still would pretend like it never happened. Now it’s been 2 years and she has told her bf who she is still dating and we are still very close but I can tell we are continuing to drift. She seems to think that this is my fault and I should respect her choice to pretend it never happened and never speak on it again. I want to talk about so we can finally get over it as I feel like it’s still there,hindering our friendship. Am I the asshole in this situation?
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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kKQ8qmidxtvrmkgadiggZ0k2BOvTvlih
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ae2h3n
|
{
"description": "blowing up at someone who called me a Shitty friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Blowing Up At Someone Who Called Me a Shitty Friend?
|
First, duplicate account, because if I am the asshole I'd rather process that hard truth quietly to myself instead of having it lurk in my reddit history for anyone to see.
Second, context: $Friend is someone I met in college. She has gone through a lot of very traumatic shit, including an abusive household with parents who on the regular manipulate her. I don't want to go into details on all of that, but I do want to acknowledge that she comes from a pretty toxic background.
Third, TL;DR (put at the front, as per a recent LPT I saw):
\- I have a friend with anxiety issues that probably qualify as mental illness
\- I have done a lot for this friend. Like, a lot. But the most relevant are loaning her $2,000 and giving her a ride to work everyday and a couch to sleep on nearly every night for two and a half months.
\- I told what I thought was a funny anecdote about her at a company get-together (she and I both work for the same company), which caused her to become upset with me and accuse me of being a shitty friend.
\- I blew up on her.
\- Recently learned that she told a mutual friend she was afraid of me, but it looks to me like that she's using me as a scapegoat to avoid responsibility for a financial obligation.
\- Am I the asshole for blowing up? Am I being too hard on her? Insensitive to her emotional needs? Or is she being an asshole for using me? Throwing me under the bus to cover for her personal and professional failures?
\- It's a VERY long read. It's a doozy. With months of things boiling up to a point.
Fourth, the story:
Me and this friend met way back in college, and while we are not and never have been romantically involved we spent enough time around each other that multiple rumors popped up that we were secretly cheating on our respective S/Os. Generally, these rumors never bothered me because, honestly, in college I was definitely the kind of asshole who didn't give a shit what anyone else thought about anything if it didn't effect me in an immediate and direct way. Looking back on it, I cringe. But hey. That's who I was, and I try my best to own that part of my life-- I don't make excuses for myself and I try hard to acknowledge when I'm in the wrong. So part of me posting here is, I guess, checking to see if I'm still that asshole.
After college, me and $Friend kept in touch. My S/O and I broke up for unrelated reasons, and I ended up leaving the country for a bit after graduation. I was pretty heartbroken and lonely, and yeah, I know leaving a country due to a breakup is overly dramatic. So sue me. While overseas, I got to missing a lot of my old friends from college, so I saved up my money and flew $Friend to where I was along with her S/O.
I came back to the U.S. a little over a year later, and shortly after that $Friend and her S/O broke up. I didn't get involved-- I was close to both of them, and didn't want to be put in the awkward situation of choosing sides.
Years go by, and we're thick as thieves. End up going overseas together again-- she lost her passport, and the night before the flight I helped her find it by tearing her apartment apart. It's a fun anecdote.
She ends up getting with a new $S/O, who I've since become very close to as well. Cool dude. Laid back, easy going kind of guy. I briefly ended up with a new S/O, the Bad Ex who ended up cheating on me and spreading a lot of false rumors about me. Luck of the draw, I guess. Now, maybe it's because the whole time I was overseas no one I used to be super close to ever reached out to me or even knew I had left the country, and that HURT. So when my ex started spreading shit about me, that REALLY got under my skin--- I had felt like I had finally built some real friendships, only to find that people I'd known for years were willing to ditch me in a heartbeat. Of those, I ended up getting an apology from one of them-- he later found out through someone else that my Bad Ex was lying, and sent me a message on social media apologizing for not believing me. I don't know if he was the only one who ever found out, the only one who ever ended up believing me, or the only one who was big enough to admit he did me wrong, but I have a massive amount of respect for the dude. My point here is that while I was an asshole, I am not and was not the kind of person who regularly used or manipulated other people to settle some kind of vindictive streak. (Which was the specific thing I was accused of by my Bad Ex when she got caught cheating, and will become relevant later) But, for all of those reasons, those kinds of accusations hit a very sore spot for me.
Now, sometime later, I end up leaving my really shitty job and I get a new job working at the same company as $Friend, on her recommendation. Shortly after that, due to the death of my grandmother, I ended up with a small inheritance. It was a lot of money, to be sure, but I wasn't like ultra rich or anything like that. $Friend mentions, in multiple conversations, how lucky I was to get this inheritance, as it would play no small part in me paying off some minor debts. (I wasn't close to my grandmother at all, and she'd been catatonic for the better part of three years-- so this isn't a "Fuck your grandmother" kind of conversation. It's very much a "Wow! What a windfall!" kind of conversation.) And she also mentions how burdened she is by debt herself. Now, I've got my own stuff I have to take care of, but I'm in a much better position financially than she is. So these conversations were REALLY uncomfortable for me, because, real talk, I didn't want to share my money, and it very much felt like that's what it was coming to.
Finally, one night she calls me, crying and sobbing about how overwhelming her debt is. She beats around the bush a lot, but I finally bite the bullet and say, "Alright, you know what? I'll pay for some of it. How much is your credit card debt?"
$2,000. Not as bad as it could be-- I had never owned a credit card, but I've read stories about people who are in debt their entire lives. Besides, she DID help me get my new job. Which I love very much. But I need that money to pay for my own stuff-- my car, my new apartment, moving, etc.
So I tell her, "I'll loan you $2,000, but I want it back. Not all at once, but in a way that'll help you out of this hole you're in. We get paid weekly, so I want $25 per paycheck. If you can't do it sometimes, that's fine. Let me know-- I'm not going to come break your kneecaps over it, but I DO want my money back."
She agrees, but under one condition: I do NOT tell her $S/O. See, he doesn't know about the credit card debt, and a condition he has for marrying her is she gets her debt under control. Until then, he tells her when she brings it up, marriage is off the table because he doesn't want to be blindsided by that.
I think that's a little odd, but whatever. Their relationship isn't any of my business.
And, to her credit, she does uphold her end of the bargain mostly. There are some months where she can't afford to pay out anything-- and generally I tell her "Not a problem, get it to me when you can." She ends up paying about 1/3 of what she owes, and I was, truthfully, quite happy with that. I'm not a mobster-- I'm not harassing her over this.
Well, one day, the tags on her vehicle expire, and she can't get the time to go and renew them. How about we just carpool to work, since we live in the same city, work in the same company? She'll split the gas with me. Hell yeah. I'm happy with this arrangement, too. At first.
But the thing is, it gets to a point where being around her is just a constant drain. She's always depressed about something--- and I want to be a good, supportive friend, but I need a break. But she's feeling anxiety about her apartment because she hasn't cleaned in awhile and she "doesn't have the spoons to deal with that right now", and then she accuses our company's IT guy of sexual assault and her boss is breathing down her neck about some paperwork that needs to be filed and HR can't find video footage of the assault because (she says) IT guy must have erased it and the company's quotas aren't being met, and her job is really difficult and so on and so forth. And $S/O is absolutely nowhere to be seen during all of this--- he's always busy. He's in the military and about to deploy, so when he's not on base he's trying to get in as much time with his other friends as he can before he ships off to not see them again for a few years. And she's upset and anxious about that, too. And I want to be a good, supportive friend, but $Friend is always upset about SOMETHING, and I'm a pretty social person but I have absolutely no time to myself.
My daily routine has become this:
\- I wake up, shower, dress, get ready for work
\- I carpool $Friend, who is usually on my couch, to work
\- I work.
\- I carpool $Friend back to our city. Sometimes we drop by her apartment so she can get her work clothes for the next day. She then returns to my couch. Sometimes, she needs to run other errands, and I take her there, too, because she can't renew her tags due to some technical difficulty.
\- She stops paying me back for the credit card debt. Times are tough, she says, and she's got no money. Do I have any idea how hard it is to be a woman in this economy? (She gets paid about $3 more than I do, so this comment annoys me. I ask her, on multiple occasions, where all of that money is going. She argues that because she's in a higher tax bracket than I am, she actually makes less than I do. I don't buy it--- I point out that she gets paid more after taxes than I do before taxes. The argument goes on in circles. I eventually give up and the $25
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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jmKt0uSsD8Uk1fuUqUjfjTQIZ3fq6Z4D
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avxh2c
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{
"description": "not staying after school",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not staying after school?
|
Ok first of all, I'm going to preface this by saying my grades aren't the best. My dad asked me to stay after school and do make up work because I had missed the week prior to this. I told him I needed to some assignments on my computer and that I wasn't going to because at my school the computer lab closes at 2:30 (I would have ended up staying at school until 4:30). Basically, I would have ended up getting more homework done if i just went home. He then took away my phone for the rest of the night which isn't really a big deal I mean it's one night. I was just wondering if I was in the wrong here.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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r5D96N4Dnr2r5Ug8WDedf6DwoSU8PkCK
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b7rjv1
|
{
"description": "refusing to pay my entire share of our heating bill",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
WIBTA for refusing to pay my entire share of our heating bill?
|
There’s more to the title than that. I’ve never been late on bills or rent and have, on more than one occasion, covered for my roommates. I’ve been out of state on an internship for 2 and a half weeks, and somehow our heating bill is astronomical. I live with 3 other roommates (4 total in the house) and we always split everything evenly. Except now that I’m away I don’t feel it’s my responsibility to pay my entire portion. I believe I should only have to pay half of my portion (my share would be $50, but I believe I showed only have to pay $25). WIBTA for telling my roommates I’m not going to pay that $50 since I’ve been gone, but am more than willing to pay $25?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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WRONG
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axw2zh
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{
"description": "not wanting to take care of/clean up after a dog that isn't mine",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to take care of/clean up after a dog that isn’t mine?
|
Just putting this out there... this is my first reddit post EVER and I’m hoping for some good feedback.
Ok so me and the gf are cat ppl, we have 2 cats and we’re very happy with them. Enter her 20 something yr old daughter that currently lives with us... she decides that she wants a dog and goes about it the right way asking gf if we would mind her getting one. She gives us the whole “it will be my responsibility and I’ll take of it” speech so gf agrees and gf daughters bf gets her a mini weenie dog. Fast forward a yr and she’s hardly ever staying here, leaves the dog that spends his days either barking or crying (not to mention using the hallway for a restroom) here while she goes and stays with her bf for days at a time and refuses to take him with her and won’t allow us to find him a home. I feel like I’m the bad guy for not wanting the dog here anymore because aside from being annoying he’s not a bad dog just needs some attention that no one cares to give him here. Gf won’t put her foot down and I’m reluctant to say anything bc I know it will come out of frustration and sound assholish. I honestly don’t know if it’s me and I need to just chill or I’m in the right, what I do know is that I’m not comfortable in my own home. So new reddit friends AITA??
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b0c98i
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{
"description": "never being able to take a compliment well",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for never being able to take a compliment well?
|
I want to preface this by stating I’m not looking for attention and I’m looking for some genuine advice. When a receive a compliment from somebody,I’m always confused as to what the correct response is.
I usually default to denying the compliment and supplying a counter argument that disproved the nature of the compliment I just received. This response always comes off like I’m either looking for attention or wanting others to feel sorry for me.
Accepting the compliment and being happy about seems too arrogant so I never do that.
Flushing out the compliment and bragging about it is NEVER an option.
A recent example was somebody complimenting me on my ability to whistle and I kind of just went silent and changed the conversation. Is that bad too?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
aqfrr3
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{
"description": "not allowing a couple to order food after close",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not allowing a couple to order food after close?
|
I work at a small chain restaurant as a server/waitress. Some information to know before hand is the hours of our restaurant change between summer and winter. This is because we don’t make enough business during winter, to keep open later. During the summer we were open 11am to 9pm. During the winter our hours became 11am to 8pm. We posted it on our door about the change of hours, but our boss refuses to change our hours on google. (I couldn’t tell you why.) This has been a problem most winter and most people are generally understanding about it. Tonight I had a woman and her husband come in at about a quarter after 8, (I had not locked the doors yet because we still had customers in the restaurant finishing eating) and I apologized to them stated that we were closed. She looked around the restaurant saying that we didn’t look closed. I explained to her that our kitchen closes up at 8 and that the customers still there were finishing eating. She looked a little angry at this point so I apologized again, and asked them if they would like to order some ice cream. (The ice cream machine is shut down by the servers not the cooks. I hadn’t shut it down yet, and I felt bad they couldn’t order food, so I wouldn’t have minded scooping the ice cream for them.) She huffed at me telling me that she wanted food not ice cream, which I totally understood, but then she started raising her voice. I don’t remember her exact words but it was something along the line of “Online says you’re open till 9. This is ridiculous. The only reason we came here was because we saw it was open online. You seriously can’t just take one more order?” I apologized and explained why the online hours were wrong as kindly as I could. She got even angrier and snapped at me again saying about the same thing as before just louder. At this point I was so exhausted with the situation, I asked them to kindly leave. She was steaming, but left finally. I felt really bad afterwards for driving away a customer. I feel like this whole situation could have been avoided if I had just taken her order and taken the heat from the cooks. I’m not sure I handled the situation correctly. I’m worried they will tell people about the situation and that some people will get the wrong idea about our restaurant.
TLDR
Woman and her husband came in after close because our hours were wrong online. I wouldn’t take their order because the kitchen had closed already. The woman got mad and I asked them to leave. Probably driving away their business for good.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "telling my flatmate who's my husbands best friend to break up with his girlfriend or move out",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 35
}
|
AITA for telling my flatmate who’s my husbands best friend to break up with his girlfriend or move out?
|
My husbands best friend lives with myself and my husband and our toddler. The dynamic works well as we have known his best friend (let’s call him Tom) since high school. We are all in our late twenties. Tom has been living with us and contributing to the household for a year now. I have no problems with Tom as he is very considerate, tidy and financially contributes to me and my husbands mortgage.
Tom has fallen hard for a girl he’s been seeing for three months now. She’s nice and admittedly I liked her at the start. Lately however she’s been rubbing me off the wrong way. Her and I are very different, she’s a student who likes to go out and party, and I’m a mom. Our core values are different. Plus we just don’t get on. Superficially we are friendly to each other, but inwardly I know I just don’t like her. It’s not because she’s rude or anything. It’s because she and I have different lifestyles, plus I’m raising a small child, I don’t really want my child around her. She vapes and smokes weed (not around us or at our place) , and I don’t want my child around someone that does that.
Anyways things came to a head, she is staying every weekend and I am over it. I told my husband to tell Tom that either he ends it with her, or he moves out. My husband became quite defensive telling me that toms girlfriend has done nothing wrong, that Tom is helping tremendously with the mortgage and that I’m the problem here.
Since my husband wouldn’t have that talk I approached Tom myself. Told him I was seriously unhappy with her being here and that I think it’s time for him to move out. Admittedly he was quite upset. He decided to break up with her, he made it clear to me that it’s not my fault however and that he enjoys staying with us and will continue doing so for awhile.
However my husband had a seperate chat to him, and Tom confessed to being miserable now that he’s stopped seeing this woman. I have empathy, but at the same time, I feel this is my family home, I shouldn’t be made to feel like this in my own home. I don’t think it’s unreasonable to give him the option to move out or not be with her. So AITA ?
TDLR; asked my flatmate to move out or break up with his gf.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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{
"description": "not believing a Friend's Reason for IG Drop",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA Not Believing a Friend's Reason for IG Drop
|
Sorry on mobile, so please forgive any format weirdness.
Met a friend 8 years ago through work when I moved to a new city, but became better friends about three years ago. We were the kind of friends that hung out after work at our houses or going out with other coworkers. We've hung out with each other's significant others all together. I considered her the closest friend I had in that new city next to my spouse.
Last summer I had to move across the country. Before I left she threw a party for me with our work friends and had a really awesome goodbye. We were already IG pals (no FB for either of us) and we also agreed to keep in touch.
For the first few months all was good, we texted each other several times a week about life, my old job and how everyone was, how my new town and job were. Then I noticed I was no longer able to see her IG account. I texted her and asked if something was up with that, and she said another friend had said the same thing. She said she'd add me back on her account. A few weeks went by with nothing. I felt awkward bringing it up again because then I thought it might be on purpose. But then my spouse said just ask again, and if sounds fishy then you know she took you off on purpose. I agreed to do that.
When my friend texted me next, I texted back and included a question if she got her IG account fixed since I still couldn't see her name. She then takes a day to reply. She claims she doesn't really use IG anymore. But I know this isn't true since we have mutual friends and she was a constant poster, so I really think she's lying and purposely took me off but won't explain why. My feelings are so hurt, and now I'm rethinking how good of friends we really were. I never replied after her message, and she hasn't texted me again. It's been almost two months now.
AITA for not replying and in essence ending what connection we had, or is she TA for cutting me out and just not being honest about it?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "offending a trans member of our guild",
"pronormative_score": 46,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for offending a trans member of our guild?
|
**throwaway because my guild uses reddit to communicate. i do know that lgbtq issues can be contentious and can be seen as baiting but i have read through similar posts i searched on this reddit and haven't found any very similar issues. i promise i am not trying to be inflammatory and will try to be as respectful as possible in my language.**
i am one of the guild leaders for a gay male guild on world of warcraft. for us, having a space to be openly gay around other openly gay guys is comforting. wow still has a lot of homophobia, especially in raiding guilds. some of us have also met up in real life once or twice yearly. general lgbtq\*, genderqueer, and lesbian guilds also exist.
recently, a new member joined our guild who self-identified as gay and gender non-conforming transman. in their words, they were born a female but dress in a more masculine style so they don't feel comfortable using a female identity, but also maintain female physiology and are interested in men. from the guild's perspective, there is no issue here and they were fully welcomed.
the issue arose in our guild discord server. we are 18+ and we have a #nsfw channel where we share adult images. this channel is opt-in, clearly marked, and not mandatory. when new member joined, they began to share some pornographic material of trans men (no bottom surgery). no one had an issue with this but they did not much attention if any at all because i think this type of pornography is less popular with our members.
new member complained in private that they felt excluded because other images shared got comments but not theirs. we let them know that they were welcome to share images but that people were free to comment on whichever images they liked. we didn't hear back. a few days later the user shared some revealing selfies. one user replied "wow, looking good" but then someone else shared something else and the attention was redirected there. the new user said the person who shared after them was transphobic and trying to drown out their images because it had a vagina and not a penis pictured (their words).
i re-messaged the user in the private that the drama isn't appreciated and that there was nothing transphobic about what the other user did and name-calling was unacceptable. the user replied to us that they wouldn't stand by if someone was being transphobic. they continued name-calling in the public channel so i didn't hesitate to remove them from the in-game guild and the chat server.
the next day, users that weren't online at the time saw the remnants of the conversation (i removed the personal photos for privacy) but one took issue and felt like the situation was transphobic. ultimately this led to a heated discussion amongst members. i loathe how much drama this has caused.
**was i the asshole or is this just a case of a very emotional issue bringing out a more heated, sensitive side in some people? thank you guys for reading all of this.**
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
a07z9r
|
{
"description": "wanting to know who my girlfriend goes out with",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for wanting to know who my girlfriend goes out with?
|
I have a girlfriend for 5 months now, she's great and she loves me, but lately she's been wanting to go solo, it's mean we're still in a relationship but she doesn't want to admit because she wants to go out with her friends (mostly boys) and doesn't feel guilty about it so I'm like sure.
​
After a while, her ex wants to meet her, and I'm like okay, just make sure to tell me that she wants to go out with any boy before actually meeting them and she got mad at me, she said I'm too attached and she doesn't feel free.
​
So how should I react as a boyfriend, why didn't she wants to tell me if she want to go out, I already give permission, I just wanted her to tell me.
​
We broke up this morning because of this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
XHT7RtkWXVWjntPbyYs66MZCFcLwWCls
|
arzdp4
|
{
"description": "not letting my sister burrow my clothes",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not letting my sister burrow my clothes?
|
Ok first off I don’t like sharing especially when it comes to my clothing. I absolutely hate it when my sisters wear my clothes especially without asking me or letting me know. If I see them wearing one of my shirts I won’t flips out or anything but I will let them know that I don’t appreciate it when they wear anything that’s mine. Not only that but my mood will flop as soon as I see them with a garment I own.
Second, my sisters have a tendency to buy things they don’t need like clothing they’ll only wear for one occasion and that’s it. I’m more of a comfort over fashion kind of person so I buy my clothes accordingly. I’m the one that owns more casual things then all three of my sisters combined and I do have a few formal dresses here and there but I don’t even wear their clothes for the reason that I don’t want them wearing mine and also because they’re style just isn’t mine.
Third, one of them is very careless, let’s call her A and every time she burrows clothing from any of us she will give it back damaged or stained. For example she burrowed two pairs of high heels from one of my sisters B and one of the heels from one pair was broken like wth. The other looked like she walked on mud and then put the shoe on so now her freaking toe stains are on them they’re disgusting. B never tells her anything because one she’s a pussy and very non confrontational so A burrows her T-shirt’s and returns them with sauce stains or stain them with Clorox from work that we can’t wash off.
So the point is that A came in my room yesterday and asked to burrow a shirt. At least she asked I guess but she picked my favorite T-shirt. It was white and definitely two sizes smaller than what she wears. I told her no but I was half asleep and she just took of with it. Once I noticed she had taken it I went to her room and confronted her about it and she was like “i thought you said yes” so I just rolled my eyes and told “ok whatever just fucking take it.” Later B told me that she didn’t wear my T-shirt and then I felt like an ass for not letting her burrow it. A later returned my T-shirt to my room and placed it neatly on the bed as if rubbing it on my face that i was mean for not letting her burrow it.
I just don’t understand why tf they buy clothing they’ll only wear once and come and steal my comfy casual clothes that they definitely don’t even fit in.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
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|
{
"description": "not wanting my roommates friend living at our house",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my roommates friend living at our house.
|
I (19f) recently moved into a house share situation. I'm from a small country town and a pretty protective family this is my first experience living away from home. My roommate (23m) has a friend (25m) who, when first meeting me and other roommate (20f) was disrespectful, rude, creepy ect. We confronted him and he now doesn't interact with us. But he is constantly at out house. He even sleeps on our couch most nights. When I told my roommate that this wasn't on. He basically said that there was no problem and I was being unreasonable.
His own apartment is 200m from ours, he pays no rent, makes mess that he doesn't clean, does drugs here and makes the two women in the house really uncomfortable. Are we being the arseholes by saying he can't sleep here.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
aqxkdr
|
{
"description": "not letting a guy win at a card game",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting a guy win at a card game?
|
So I'm honestly feeling like shit here.
I play magic the gathering, the multiplayer commander format (instead of 1v1, it's usually 4 players all playing each other). I was in a group with 3 guys. Let's call them Jack, Harry and Fred.
Fred was playing a newish deck that he hadn't played much, and was basically out of the box new. Harry was playing a dirty deck that would just control everyone else play, and Jack was playing a mid range deck (so not broken, but not weak either). I was playing my deck, that while not broken, can win combo style, and is protection/control (I like my stuff, dont destroy my stuff style deck). I'd worked hard on my deck, and I'm proud of it.
Harry talks his game way too much. He encouraged Fred to win by hitting everyone, and Fred kills Harry and Jack. Out of spite, Harry destroys some of my stuff, knowing I cant retaliate, even though it didnt affect him. That's chill, I can get it back.
At this point Harry REALLY wants Fred to win. Hes saying stuff like "this will be easy, just hit her and shes dead," and "you can do this, you can win." I honestly would have just let Fred win at this point, but Harry was jumping around like a jumping bean, and getting on my nerves, offering to help Fred beat me (which is kinda a no no unless you're a new player). Fred was rejecting his help, and Harry's jumpyness was stressing both Jack and I out, and I think it was pissing Fred off too. Harry was also interjecting into things, commenting on Fred's every move, and trying to point out ways to beat me.
This is where I'm not sure if I'm the asshole. Cause I feel like one.
Fred goes to attack me, and I wipe his board. He looks defeated, since that was the way he was going to win. I didnt have to wipe it, I could have just let the damage through and lost. But Harry, the way he was jeering, it hit something inside of me, and I was tired of his bullying (in other games he targets me, because I have "broken cards").
I continue to stop Fred from winning until I myself win. Fred looked so sad and defeated and angry at himself. Harry was comforting him, saying that he did well, and that he would help him teach his deck. Fred refused, and I honestly felt like harry was being condescending. I left afterwards, because I felt like a monster. I apologised, and said he did do well, and that we learn from our defeats (hes beaten me before, and I learnt from those losses, which is why my deck has gotten a lot better).
I feel so angry and sad. Am I the asshole for winning because someone else was taunting me and cheering on my opponent? He didnt deserve it. Harry just pushes my buttons, and I've been nothing but nice to him, but after tonight, I feel like a monster of the way I acted.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
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|
b0hf5j
|
{
"description": "being mad at my friend for not telling me he was packing while in my house",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being mad at my friend for not telling me he was packing while in my house?
|
Long story short, my wife and I invited friends over to our house to catch up. I find out the next day one of the guys, let’s call him Jim, had a gun on him the entire time. My wife thought she saw it right when he walked through the door. So sketchy immediately. She asked him directly if he had a gun, but he didn’t answer her. I knew none of this until later after everyone had left. We had a nice evening and all, but he tells us the next day that he actually had a gun on him the whole time. He thinks nothing of this, so now I’m wondering if IATA for being mad about him not notifying me of the gun in my house in the first place.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a problem with guns. I just want to be aware of the number of weapons that are moving in and out my house, especially around my children! Is that too much to ask? I think he is responsible and all, but why not disclose that info from the start?
Anyways, my main thing here is that if you are going over to a friend’s house (in a decent neighborhood too) to hang out, why not just leave it at home or in the car? Or maybe notify your host that you’re packing? That being said, should guests tell their hosts they are carrying a weapon?
Thoughts, anyone? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
auchsi
|
{
"description": "being pissed at my brother",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being pissed at my brother?
|
My (21) brother (22) has constantly been a pain in my ass for entire life, and never takes responsibility for when he fucks up. We had a vacation for my birthday planned 2 years in advance just for four guys, including myself and my brother. We were only there for a day and a half when my brother drank to much, got himself hurt and had to go to the hospital because he tried to pick a fight. One of my friends had to pay a hefty hospital bill for him, and when we got back to the hotel, they told us we couldnt stay, so we had to end our trip. No refunds, and we still had 5 days planned. When we got home, he gave me a shitty apology and didnt consider repaying me for the remaining days of the trip they we lost. He had a drug test taken, which showed he had drugs in his system which he used as a pity move to act like he was innocent and wasnt his fault we got kicked out, even though he told me hes used hard drugs in the past. And because of that drug test, which he claims he got drugged (i dont really care if he did either way), thinks he was absolved. We share a car at my house, and my brother usually uses it to drive to work. I told him a week in advance that i needed the car to pick up my gf because we had dinner reservations, but apparently that didnt matter to him because he decided to stay at his girlfriends house (whom he cheated on during the vacation), and thus we missed our dinner reservations. He then crashes the car and starts flipping out people who want nothing to do with him, again deflecting the blame once he fucks uo. While ive tried to just ignore him in the past, ive become more abrasive to him and hes noticed. He always calls me an asshole if he doesnt get what he wants and one of these days i swear to god im gonna beat the shit out of him. So would i be an asshole if i reacted more cold and harshly to my cunt of a brother?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
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|
asw284
|
{
"description": "possibly ending one of my mother's friendships over a seat belt",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for possibly ending one of my mother's friendships over a seat belt.
|
So my mom is friends with our neighbor for about 6 years anyways we had a plan to go to a small city today to do some grocery shopping. Our neighbor who I will call Jane, heard that we where going and my mom invited her along being nice.
We had to do some chores around our town for a bit before we left.
We eventually left about 2pm and the drive is usually 30 minutes long depending on the weather, 10 minutes outside Jane wants me to look at her phone to fix something so she leans forward to pass it to me. That's when I found out that she wasn't wearing her seat belt during the entire trip.
I asked her nicely to please put her seat belt on, she said it was fine and my mom is to timid to really get into a fight. I assumed Jane put her seat belt on and paid no attention to it. Our first stop was Walmart after we get back out to the car she didn't put her seat belt on again and I didn't want my mom to get a ticket so I politely told her just to put her seat belt on so my mom doesn't get into trouble again she told us it's fine the cops wont see us, here I was getting a bit annoyed since I kept asking nicely. Later we head to the second hand store just to browse and again Jane didn't have her seat belt on but I ignored it because our next stop is only a block away.
Eventually we has our second last stop at another grocery store with a sale going on. We get back out to the car and Jane doesn't put her seat belt on again. I asked once again nicely to please put your seat belt on, Jane asked why the cops wont catch us, I responded I don't want my mom to get into trouble since all by law all passengers need to be wearing a seat belt to avoid a ticket and if we get into a serious accident my mom would be in serious trouble. Jane responded with she wont get into trouble everything will be fine. I just asked nicely once again to please put her seat belt on and Jane flat out said No.
Now this is where my I lost my patience. I told her "if we get pulled over my mom gets a ticket and if we get into a serious accident and they find out she wasn't wearing her seat belt she would get into even bigger trouble so please just put your fucking seat belt on" only then she actually put her seat belt on and kept it on, I did say thank you and all I got was a whatever.
After we got home I tried to apologize for somewhat yelling, Jane ignored me. Jane told me mom outside that she was mad at us. I know I shouldn't of yelled at her but it seemed to have worked.
Tl;dr: Jane wouldn't put on her seat belt, asked multiple time eventually got mad yelled at her, now Jane is mad at us.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
xpeEoRtvpqHhMJUjVvx5VGhNGWVrpCLL
|
aftygc
|
{
"description": "not being part of my boyfriend's Sunday game nights",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not being part of my boyfriend's Sunday game nights
|
My boyfriend has Sunday video game nights with his friends (we're all men) and play like Mario Kart and stuff.
I'm not a huge video gamer, but I like playing from time to time.
His friends aren't particularly nice to me, they make uncomfortable jokes at my expense (nothing evil, just rude) and I don't like them much but my boyfriend doesn't have many friends and has a difficult time making them.
On this Sunday, I joined in, but left to get dinner out of the oven and when I came back I asked casually to my boyfriend "did you miss me" to which one of his friends replied "we didn't even notice, just ignored you and kept playing haha"
I sort of brushed this off, but then after a while someone says "we didn't think you wanted to play anyway" which doesn't make sense to me because why would I be playing if I didn't? But from past events, I gather it was a sarcastic "well you suck anyway so it doesn't matter" kind of thing. (which is true I guess)
Anyway, I said "this is getting awkward, I'm going to get my work ready for Monday" and left the room to do my own thing and they finished and he came into bed asking if I was okay and I said I was fine (half-true, feeling a bit shitty but not end of the world), but that I think his friends are nasty and that they don't like me around and it's best I just do my own thing on Sundays.
It means a lot for him for everyone to be together and get along, and really important outlet for him. But I'm just really tired of his friends and do want to play games with him in a group because it can be fun when they're not making snide comments, but I don't want to listen to their snide crap. He has talked to them about it before, but it hasn't changed.
Am I the asshole for telling him his only friends are assholes and being sulky over it and taking myself out of his only real social outlet when it matters much more to him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
bhD0upxj71ifClH8bECgZZtQRe3Jk20H
|
b01q3a
|
{
"description": "telling my husband I'd leave him if he ever lost his temper with my cat again",
"pronormative_score": 67,
"contranormative_score": 99
}
|
AITA for telling my husband I'd leave him if he ever lost his temper with my cat again?
|
Just happened thirty minutes ago. I was putting dishes away from dinner and my son was pestering my cat. She gets mad and nips him.
We've been trying to teach my son to be nicer to her but he constantly antagonizes her. And she always walks back to him to give him more chances.
Anyways, my son pushed it to far and she nipped him. I grabbed my cat by the cuff and held her there for a second while telling her no. Before anything else, my husband's hand is on mine and my cat and he's pushing down, hard.
He stayed there for five seconds without saying anything for like five seconds before I forced him off.
Later I told him if he ever does anything like that again and doesn't control his temper, then I would leave him.
I don't know if I'm overreacting here, but as an animal lover, I hate seeing animals in distress and pain. I understand she but my son, but since I was about to handle it, I personally think it was out of bounds for him to do that.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 42,
"OTHER": 65,
"EVERYBODY": 57,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 14
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 67,
"WRONG": 99
}
|
WRONG
|
4h5W2ZexQZU9NhbXaM4X23St51SYxlQK
|
b9zav0
|
{
"description": "feeling uncomfortable about having my picture taken and posted on social media without my knowledge",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for feeling uncomfortable about having my picture taken and posted on social media without my knowledge?
|
I am employed at a company and work with non-neurotypical students. This week we had a “superhero day,” so I dressed up as Captain Marvel. The next day, one of the students said “Oh, yeah, Katie (Name changed of course) posted a picture of you on their instagram story.” I had had no knowledge that my picture had been taken or posted, and I was mildly uncomfortable with that. Not so much that a picture had been taken, but that it was taken and posted without asking me. After much deliberating overnight, I spoke to the office managers, and expressed my discomfort of not being asked, but reiterated that I didn’t want the student to get in trouble. They said “Oh yeah, totally, we’ll have a quick chat about privacy and ask that it get taken down.”
I went home, feeling a little bad, and talked about it with my mom, who said that the student was praising me through the picture and that I was being too hypersensitive. Now I don’t know what to feel.
So, AITA? Was I within my rights?
Thank you all for your opinions!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
wz7CDz4CkwNnZIPpNNWv4ESZXfnBLkd3
|
ai25rp
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my longterm gf because of nagging",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my longterm GF because of nagging?
|
So me and this girl "Kris", met at summer camp many years ago. We're both 22, and have been together since we were 17. Anyhow, I'm a really introverted guy. I can have fun with friends just fine, especially after a few drinks, but other than that I don't really like talking to people, at all. It's not that I dislike people, I just hate talking to them. This has been an issue between the 2 of us since the beginning, and Kris always complained that I wouldn't let her in, since I'm not much for talking.
I'm a guy that likes to solve his own problems, and to me talking about feelings and shit is more trouble than it's really worth. She's been upset about this though, and was telling her friends that she thought I was uninterested in her, since I never talked to her, or texted her. I was interested, of course, but I don't like talking, and her complaining about me not talking just got really annoying and naggy tbh.
When I found out she talked to her friends about this I blew up, and started telling her that she shouldve respected MY DECISION, and that if she's gonna go behind my back like that, talking shit about me, I have no reason to stay with her, especially since she has pushed me about the communication thing for years now. I calmly told her to get out of my apartment, slammed the door shut, and promptly blocked her on everything.
Her sister, and her best friend have both texted me saying that this breakup is destroying her, and that I was irrational to get so worked up about her issues with me, but I feel that our business was OURS, and that she should have taken the hint and just accepted that i dont like talking years ago. I told both of them that there was no way I was gonna "fix" this, and that's about the end of it for now. (It happened friday night for those wondering). So... Am I the asshole??
TLDR, longterm Gf, after pushing and nagging me to talk to her more apparently started complaining to her friends that she thought i was uninterested in her, I blew up, and told her to get out. I blocked her, and have since yesterday been bombarded with messages from her sister and best friend about how "this breakup is killing her", but I'm not gonna fix this, she pushed me too far. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
ABTfMdi4fu7NHiIp7KvWgKHiW9kfxg1Y
|
9y515u
|
{
"description": "throwing water on my Father who has dementia",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for throwing water on my Father who has dementia?
|
So my(19m) Father(61m) was diagnosed with Frontal Temporal Dementia two years ago. Right now he's in the moderate to severe stage which basically entails no short term memory, poor decision making, poor communication skills and poor body maintenance. All he does these days is go on long walks and sit in silence or sleep. In the past few months my mother(58f) has had increasing trouble getting him to shower. He will never shower on his own accord so she makes him. But in the last 2 months or so he's basically been refusing. Saying he'll do it it the morning or in the evening and then never doing it or just telling you to leave him alone. So up to this point he hadn't showered or changed his clothes in 29 days. He sleeps in his shoes and clothes. He's a big guy (6ft5"), although quite mild mannered, but we can't force him to do anything really.
​
Recently my mum has been really stressed about it. She's been at her wits end for weeks and everybody else in the house can't stand the smell of him. There is literally no way to convince him or tempt him to have a shower, we've tried everything. My mum has had a couple of breakdowns this week crying and everything because it stresses her so much.
​
So tonight I'd had enough and when everyone had gone to bed I went into the lounge where he was sleeping and just started filling up glasses and pouring luke warm water on him to wet his clothes. He got really annoyed and started walking after me to get me to stop, but I got a squirt bottle and kept squirting him as he's chasing me. This went on for like 10 minutes and he kept hiding in the lounge and when he opened the door I would wet his clothes more and he was cursing at me and shit. So basically I got him to take all his clothes off because they were soaking and he let me give him a wash with a cloth and soap because I told him mum would stop hassling him to have a shower every day. I took away his dirty clothes and got him some pajamas and new clothes for tomorrow morning to wear.
​
So now he's clean basically and has clean clothes and he stopped being annoyed by it as soon as I stopped, but idk if it was harsh to do that it does seem inhumane, but something needed to be done.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
kuBVQwzlRZYTQ5lhFccog5BLmAkEMTeN
|
9zztmq
|
{
"description": "getting upset because my parents bought me a house in wrong geographical location",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting upset because my parents bought me a house in wrong geographical location
|
I left my country and settled in a far away country because i wanted a clean break from my entire family tree...i stay in touch with immediate family...i dont really like or agree with my folks (any of them) but i dont like upsetting them all the time by telling them so, so i pretty much stay diplomatic for the duration of phone calls i have to endure...
My dad is well off..and both my parents consider themselves loving and caring...but thats soo not the reality...
Eg. they showed their generosity to my older brother (they all love each other and get along) by buying him a house when he got married...my dad insisted on shorter term loan and cosigned the mortgage which meant higher monthly mortgage payments...my brother could not afford the payments so my dad took over the payments..fast forward 5-6 years, now my dad and mum treat my bro and his wife as if they should be at their beck and call, and almost like servants because they bought them a house...my dad even talks down to them and mum get into arguments with sister in law...i mean they get upset if my sister in law treats her own mother nicer than she treated my mum!!!! I mean cmon!!! Its her mother!!!!
Anyways my parents decided that they want to buy me a house but not in the country i have been living with my husband for last 8 yrs but in my home country...this time, no mortgage, dad cosigning the property, to be paid off in 3 yrs (its £500,000 house!!! With £250 monthly maintenance fee for life!!!! Which i will be legally responsible for since i co-own the property)...i pointed out that i cannot contribute because i have to pay for my house/food here, so they should scrap the plan to buy, and if they want to help, help with the deposit for the house we want to buy here...
Ofcourse my dad went ahead and put a non refundable deposit down for the house in my home country...and i had no choice but to play along...but i made it clear that i wont be contributing towards the house..
and lo and behold, now there is this expectation that i should be extremely grateful to them...
I am soo not grateful...me and my hubby both have auto immune conditions, quality of life is sub par but we are happy living humble life we do have...now they dangle a dream in front of us that we will never get to spend our lives in and yet, i am supposed to show them gratitude!!!??
Note: the house will be registered officially in mine and dads name in feb 2019...i am thinking of letting my bro have it because he is clearly putting up with all the shit i refused to put up with so maybe he deserves it
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Of9H7T9RM1CNQWTDMHGnFdMFsI2geIZK
|
b1dlzy
|
{
"description": "deleting dms my boyfriend gets on Instagram to stop him from leading girls on and then ghosting them",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
AITA for deleting DMs my boyfriend gets on Instagram to stop him from leading girls on and then ghosting them.
|
Now, before you guys say I’m controlling my boyfriend is very attractive and gets DMs from girls almost every day. He doesn’t meet up with them but he sucks at rejecting them and often he’ll barely hold a conversation with them, but they’ll take that sliver and run with it, trying to ask him out, or even heckling him to come see them. Even when he flat out rejects them he ends up getting thought piece like messages about their feelings and what not and I hate hearing him complain about them not respecting him enough to leave him alone.
The other day he got a dm from a girl
Who has the same name as me. She basically was like hey we went to school together which he acknowledged and they had a brief conversation.
Afterwards she DM’d him asking if he wanted to hang. Me and him were looking for something to do so I told him to say yes.
She invited him and only him to the fair with her and her son. And while I know he wouldn’t go (because he doesn’t like kids) i didn’t want him to send her an asshole message or read it and not reply.
So I went to his followers (on his account) and removed her as a follower. Once I did that I unfollowed her from his account and then blocked her.
I did this without his permission and because he’s the type to looking for messages I went and sent him several DMs, cleared those notifications, and then un-sent them so that when he checks his phone it’ll look like she unsent the message(s) vs, me deleting them.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 18,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 19
}
|
WRONG
|
8cTdoEa7pPdfL4i06H3Ew32PjSnvM7Ch
|
b128n1
|
{
"description": "calling out my customers for bad handwriting",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for calling out my customers for bad handwriting.
|
I work at a hotel restobar and sometimes the customers would choose the option to charge their bill to the room, so I'd have them write out their name, room number and signature. Occasionally, we'd have customers with handwritings of a doctor and its so confusing. So 2 days ago a customer wrote his room number on the book "1014" but he wrote the 4 in a way that it looked like a 9, so I tried keying in but the name didn't match. I walk up to his table, and *as politely as possible and sligjtly too loud* asked "Hello sir, sorry to bother you, may I check that your room number is right? The number doesn't match with your name" He corrects me and apologises, I thank him and continue my duties. I've been thinking about this small incident quite abit, I must have embarrassed him in front of his friends and I feel really bad for doing it, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
6qow9U4wFSha9MjvSl9Ncckr9fk2rclD
|
akzkih
|
{
"description": "meeting a girl in relationship many times a week",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for meeting a girl in relationship many times a week?
|
I met a girl in a dance course in October and we became very good friends very quickly and I got a crush on her.
We talked a lot and found out we had very similar life plans for things like family, home, etc. This got me pretty excited so I asked her if she was single. It turned out she was not, but still she wanted to hang out with me. It also turned out she is going for a student exchange starting in February. We started training new dance moves together even outside the course and also to cook and play board games. We started to meet 2-3 times per week and have done so for the last 3 months.
For me it was quite weird that she wanted to hang out with me so much so I asked her if she was into me in December. She answered that if she wasn't in a relationship she would maybe like to be with me. I also asked her if his BF is OK with us meeting so often. She said that she doesn't know what he thinks about it and that she doesn't want hurt him, but she doesn't want that her relationship limits her life either. I said to her that I would not accept that my GF met some guy many times a week. The answer of she maybe being with me was also quite frustrating.
We have kept on meeting and I am quite happy with the situation even though she is still in a relationship. I get a good friend who likes similar things, cooks great food and dancing is great fun. Still it is pretty clear that we also have romantic interest in each other even though we don't hug or do anything else romantic as I want to appreciate her relationship. I asked her about our situation again and she admitted that she has a personal crisis on whether or not she is in the right relationship. I said to her that if she really wants to be with her BF she should not hang out with me.
Last Sunday I met her again and it is now pretty clear to me that she is going to break up before going on exchange. I feel kind of bad for her BF because I kind of guessed that I am going to cause them to break up and our friendship is more than just friendship. I am stealing his woman, but she always wants to meet me too and often asks me to come over. I invited her to party with me and this week we are also going to get drunk together which is going to be fun!
Am I the asshole for actively asking her out and meeting up with her which I know is going to cause her to probably break up or is it her responsibility to take care of her own relationship?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
krvGxUxDazo0BshalIszO1ANn3K4jN0L
|
b0xy5b
|
{
"description": "going through my girlfriend's phone",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 89
}
|
AITA for going through my girlfriend's phone
|
My girlfriend has been going out a lot recently with her "high school friends". They had a little reunion a could of weeks ago and she's been hanging out with them every weekend since.
I thought these were just a bunch of girls, but last night she admitted that one of them was a guy. When I had the chance I took out her phone from her bag and went through her WhatsApp messages.
She was having a group chat with this guy OBVIOUSLY flirting with her. He was literally calling her babe and darling and other shit like that so I sent a message to the group chat just reminding them she had a boyfriend and saying she wasn't going out with them again if he was there.
I was a little bit drunk, and maybe what I did was a bit extreme but I feel like it was justified. She caught me with her phone in my hands and we had a pretty big argument, and I went home alone. I just woke up now real hung over. I've still got her phone but I'm not sure I want to return it after last night lol
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 81,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 4
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 89
}
|
WRONG
|
4rsfsNbDtfiM3gm1Gex8E02GIKahluNh
|
b7b1cn
|
{
"description": "blowing up about how mum treated me on her birthday",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for blowing up about how mum treated me on her birthday
|
Context: I have an Ok call center job, I had a degree (2:2 / GPA ~3) been looking for jobs in my field of geology and being turned down or not hearing back from anything so I feel super lost. I am paying rent to my parents (~£200) and I get a full mother's experience from that (although I'm trying to get her to teach me on how to use stuff / iron e.c.t.) and food + bills
So today I woke up and my family went to go pick my sister up from university. So I woke up, hung the washing up on the line and decided to play some videogames (CSGO to be specific). When my mum comes home with my sister and dad I don't immediately wish her a happy birthday because I was planning to say it when I gave her the presents I bought for her (with my sister) and I was in the middle of a competitive game which was almost finished...
Apparently I did a shit job of hanging the washing on the line, I missed a package (and I didn't even know it was arriving and didn't hear the doorbell), the parents kept threatening to turn the internet off to "hurry" me up, I was "supposed to be at the gym" or have come back from the gym. Also the fact that I didn't immediately come off the computer to "fix" these issues is what lead to mum blowing up at me even though if she waited ~10 minutes I would have done them as soon as I came off. She then said that I'm in a dead end job and this made something snap. I blew up and I know I did act like a bit of an arse said that I was fed up with what was a kind of controlling relationship, dad came in stood up for mum and then I stormed out of the house to cool off.
So first question is AMTA? Will also cross post to r/advice.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
LMccCKpekYCyxjfSStUVdfAFo4O1h2KT
|
aoi0uv
|
{
"description": "hating on everyone that watches a drama show",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for hating on everyone that watches a drama show
|
There is a YouTube channel which makes tons of videos every week, and one "series" of those videos is called "catching cheaters" where they allegedly pay couples to check each other's phones and see if someone is allegedly cheating. I say allegedly because this sh*$ has been confirmed to be fake and they are paid actors. Somehow this piece of garbage videos gather millions of views and I hate drama. I despise it, and Idk how boring you must be to watch said videos. Thing is, some family members and college pals do watch it. And each time they even try to mention it and talk about it I ask them to not talk to me about it. I can be a bit rude about it and almost making them shss, but I d rather watch paint dry while eating a bowl of ****. You could say I could try to chat about what my circle or family talk about, but tbh no.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
bzQQGPUBzgRsjGscF8Xvi4PevHfa4NkD
|
ap6lhw
|
{
"description": "not feeling bad",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not feeling bad?
|
My friend from the third grade just went to jail for hitting his wife, and he wants to talk to me about it. I am totally against a male hitting a female for any reason. He found out that his wife was talking to another male, flipped out on her for talking to him and ended up punching her in the face. She called the cops and he got arrested. Cheating is completely wrong in every way, but hitting a female is just as bad to me. All he had to do was walk away and end the marriage. He has been my friend for over 30 years, and I have no desire to talk to him ever again just for that reason. I do not feel bad for ending our friendship over it. Am I an asshole for not feeling bad?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
rpBCSpwnu6QSsEJX74XYtVC5u89aX2V9
|
ac05af
|
{
"description": "asking my girlfriend to have an abortion",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 31
}
|
AITA for asking my girlfriend to have an abortion?
|
Oh god, I know this sounds terrible.
I (18m) have been dating my girlfriend (20f) for seven months. Last week, she told me she's pregnant. Firstly, I felt shocked because she's on the pill. We weren't using any back-up protection, but I researched the pill as over 99% effective and, as a young woman in university and in no place to have a baby, expected she would be taking it properly. However, she told me that she'd been struggling to take it every day and properly because she's "not on her normal schedule on uni vacation". To me, this isn't an excuse. She should've told me we needed condoms or to stop having sex when she stopped being able to take the pill properly. She is old enough to know the risks. I feel a little bit tricked that she didn't tell me even though she admitted she knew it was risky.
So, she tells me she's pregnant, and I'm completely stunned. I don't know what to do. I have an apprenticeship, so I earn a small wage and still live with my parents. She lives on student loans in student housing. We have no place for a baby. These are my first thoughts. Then I get angry that she didn't tell me we might be at risk, but I don't say anything to her, because I knew I might regret it. A few days later after gathering my thoughts, she asks me what I want to do. She's expressed that she is open to keeping the baby, but she doesn't say whether she really wants to or not. I tell her I don't want the baby. She says she doesn't want to lose me. I tell her I'm not ready, and we get into a little bit of a fight, in which she hints she wants the baby. I know this is a dick move, but I tell her that I can't stay with her if she has the baby because I am not ready at all, and I feel it's not my fault she didn't handle contraception properly. I tell her that if she wants to be a single mom, I'll give her whatever I can afford, but if she wants to stay with me, she will have to abort. She is obviously really upset about this, and I feel like an asshole but I mean it, I'm not ready and I can't look after a child.
Don't get me wrong, the idea of having an abortion does break my heart, but we can't do this now, no way. I do to some extent, love the baby, but I know that's not enough, we don't have the money or the resources. I also love her so much and I am crushed that this has happened, because no matter what happens with the pregnancy I know this is going to impact our relationship. I don't want to lose her but I can't be involved with a baby. My head is all over the place and I don't know what to do.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 26,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 31
}
|
WRONG
|
BdkjbCFDiA4Aeo61Tao5SuCaHITAng0p
|
aedhl1
|
{
"description": "wanting my boyfriend to wait to climb a tough mountain",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting my boyfriend to wait to climb a tough mountain?
|
My boyfriend and I (7 years together, both mid-twenties) really enjoy hiking together, especially after an awesome trip to the Alps last summer in which we did some challenging trails.
​
This summer, he has his sights set on a notorious ridge trail that we decided was too challenging for us last year. It is known for requiring a lot of endurance (a 10-12 hour day even if you're in good shape) and having a few spots that are pretty dangerous - as in you need to have great balance and solid footing if you don't want to fall to your death from a narrow ridge. While most of the trail is set up with cable ropes where you can attach carabiners for safety, these few spots are not. Beginners and people who aren't sure they're prepared for the difficulty are strongly discouraged from crossing the ridge.
​
My boyfriend really wants to do the ridge this summer, but I don't feel I'm experienced enough to do it (we have about the same experience level, actually I am a little more experienced than he is). We are both training for a summer of hiking but I'm not confident that I'll feel ready to take on the ridge so soon. He said that's fine, he will just go by himself. I told him that I thought he was underestimating the difficulty level and I would be upset if he went without me because I would ultimately like to go - NEXT year after another summer of gaining more alpine experience on less hazardous hikes. He is upset at me for 'forbidding' that he go by himself, whereas I don't see why he can't just wait a year so we can go together.
​
AITA for being mad if he climbs the ridge without me this summer?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
73wI9eUUjkgEWRGaTNs9uM8H6IrRc5yJ
|
atwgzp
|
{
"description": "filing an insurance claim against a one night stand",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for filing an insurance claim against a one night stand?
|
When I showed up at his house, I texted him asking where to park. He came outside and showed me to this little side concrete thing. I pulled forward til he waved for me to stop. I got out, we kissed, and went inside.
Overall it was an awesome night. His house was clean and nice, so was he. The sex was phenomenal, he was really funny, if not a little boring, and I would’ve loved to see him again.
He wanted to leave to go get us breakfast, so I gave him my $10 and laid back in his bed. I heard something outside (like metal on metal) and so I just jumped and looked outside. He had backed into my car SO HARD that my bumper fell off. The entire right side is smashed. I swear it looks like he just went pedal to the metal and hit my car. He drove off went to get breakfast and I was kind of panicking on what to do.
He came back and literally acted like nothing happened. He didn’t mention my car or anything. We ate breakfast and I did mention it, and he seemed kinda surprised I mentioned it. He said it’s cosmetic and his friend could fix it for hardly anything f.
I did get his insurance information, but he seemed surprised that I even asked. He said it was a small fix and he would rather just have his friend fix it. It’s a 2015 Kia Soul that I am still making payments on. I’m really mad and feel like it will cost a lost to fix. I don’t want a random friend of my hookup to fix it.
WIBTA if I file an insurance claim?
TL;DR Hookup hit my car. Wants his friend it fix it but I want to file an insurance claim and take it to a reputable shop. WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 29,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 30,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
FlU6Wwe0s2lajYu1vdw4CTadSsea4etb
|
a3kl17
|
{
"description": "cancelling my own wedding reception after my parents took complete control of planning it",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for cancelling my own wedding reception after my parents took complete control of planning it?
|
I'm already married but in my culture, we do three events: the vows, the bride's reception and then the groom's reception.
I live 5000miles away from my parents and got married here. My parents don't quite love my husband, they've only met him twice and the one time during our vows which they flew all the way over for my dad to give me away.
My parents requests that I do at least the bride's reception as a way for my husband to meet the extended family and keep in line with tradition. I agree, so I flew back to my hometown alone in the summer and planned a wedding reception for early next year. I planned for a 100 guests, booked catering, booked entertainment, the whole thing and sent invites. It was supposed to be at my parent's home.
I thought all is well, my husband and I will fly to my hometown and do the reception next year. Then two months ago my dad, who has never asked for anything from me and has given me everything, requests for an extra 50 seats for his guests. I agreed.
A month ago, my mother found out about this request and went ape-shit. She's mad dad got more guests than she did! So she proceeded to invite 150 more guests of her own. Because of this, we aren't able to host the reception at our home anymore. Mother convinced me to book a wedding venue at 3x the initial cost. I then agreed, because hey, it's their day as much as mine. I transferred her all the money needed to book, changed the catering etc.
Last week I found out my mother cancelled the entertainment I picked and hired street performers, the cost of the venue (which they expect me to pay) is $7k more than what they said it would, they invited people I loathe including my cousin WHO STOLE MONEY FROM US, picked a makeup artist that I did not agree to (too expensive!) and completely changed my menu. I no longer want to be apart of this. I will not show up out of principle. Invites are already sent, RSVP received. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
OdtKgf0YNWicDX00Um9JxYL6abT7a8sW
|
aywuq4
| null |
AITA? Housemate claims I'm too noisy.
|
Throwaway cuz my housemate browses reddit too.
Ahhh housemate troubles. Something everyone loves, eh. Anyway, on to the story. I live in a two bedroom, two bathroom apartment. The living room and kitchen are on a separate "half level" as we live on the side of a hill. Typically, sounds are very audible in an Australian house because (1) they are made out of wood and (2) insulation (the labour) is expensive. However, my apartment I rented is made out of solid concrete - From the outer surface to the interior walls. When I close the door to the laundry room, I can barely hear it running (\~50 db, from my smartphone app, so, pinch of salt), **and** my room is sharing the wall with the laundry room.
On to the issue. My housemate claims I'm too noisy. No matter how low I set the volume to, the TV/compy/etc. was ***always*** too loud. He would also be in the living room, studying. I've provided him with a study table in his room but for some reason he likes to study in the living room. My laptop volume is set such that talking-type videos like lectures, or videos from LTT, is above a whisper, but definitely below the volume of regular conversations about . But he'd complain it was too loud.
He is a light and late sleeper, goes to bed around 1-2am, and wakes around 10 or so. But he sleeps with the door open, for ventilation. He has a balcony, so his "window" is a sliding door. But he would leave a small gap and use a fan in the doorway for ventilation instead. So, as you might expect, he was woken up by my usual feed on Techlinked.
Am I the asshole here? I use headphones when it's music, gaming or movies, but for dialog-heavy videos, and especially online-based lectures (I'm a student so there's many of them), I like speakers as the sound more airy and natural.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
inbR3uk6qhLLEELzV1ThG5osmkYlYsLF
|
9vyaoq
|
{
"description": "banning my roommate's girlfriend from our dorm",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for banning my roommate's girlfriend from our dorm?
|
(Sorry about formatting, I'm on mobile)
I'm a first year student in college, so I am living in a dorm with my roommate. When we first got to college, we made a roommate agreement form. At the time, we were both single and what not. One of the most relevant points on this form was something along the lines of "If you want to fuck anyone, let me know so I can either leave or not walk in on it."
Fast forward one month, and my roommate now has a girlfriend. One night, they are hanging out in the room, and I decide to go grab something from the dining hall. I tell them that I will be back in 5 to 10 minutes. I get my food and come back (I had my headphones in to listen to music), and when I come back, they were in the middle of sex. I tell them to text me when they are done so I can go back into my room, and leave. After they are done, I ask them to text me so that way I don't have to walk in on it again.
The next week, I come back from class, and they were fucking again, and yet again I had no text telling me not to come home.
This continues for almost a month until one time, I was unable to finish my homework, since I left my backpack in the room. At that point, I decide to lay down the law. I tell them that if they do that again, I will not allow her to be in our room anymore. She technically needed both my roommate's and my consent to be there anyways, so I had that power.
That same night, I am trying to fall asleep around 1:30 AM. I shift a bit and one of my headphones falls out (I sleep with headphones for silence). I then hear moans and "daddy". I ignore it for the night, but the next day, I sit them down and have a talk. I tell them that she is no longer allowed in our room, since they repeatedly didn't follow the one thing I asked. They could have asked me to leave or texted me, and I wouldn't have cared, but they never did. Now they are mad at and they say I'm an asshole. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
O1YkDoVecpshPVSYlv0msuZE9vWN4rsv
|
aka8cv
|
{
"description": "telling my roommates to be quiet at 3am",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my roommates to be quiet at 3am?
|
I live in a very small apartment. All 3 bedrooms are very close to the kitchen. My one roommate and her boyfriend live in the kitchen. 80% of the time they are at home, they are in the kitchen. Usually they are pretty good about being quiet during the weeknights, so it's not too much of a problem. But weekends are bad.
They will come home at 3am and start cooking a meal. Chopping veggies, Slamming cabinets, banging pots and pans. I understand it's the weekend and you're out late, but it's 3am. Is this really the time to play Barefoot Contessa?
So I get up and ask them if they could be a little quieter when it's past 2am and they flip out. "You're the one who chose to live with roommates. It's the weekend, we can do whatever the fuck we want!"
I get it, it's the weekend and some leniency is required. 3am just seems late. Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
otge0bOD1C5u72d09Fqv2vY51pcUjqMj
|
9x4si5
|
{
"description": "not wanting to invite fiancee's friend to our wedding",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I didn't want to invite fiancee's friend to our wedding?
|
A little history here. She is a friend of ours (more his than mine) from college. Let's call her Sam. Now my fiancee's best man, Jake and her had been talking a bit a few years back but nothing came of it. Then Jake met Megan.
Megan and Sam were friends for a long time, but only really talked when they weren't dating anyone. When Jake and Megan started dating and eventually married, Sam was furious. She still hates them both to this day. She claims Megan stole Jake from her.
Sam can be pushy, judgmental, and condescending to people and I'm not sure if it's on purpose or if she's just clueless. I wonder why she's even his friend sometimes since from what he's said, she is exhausting to be around.
Anyway, would I be an asshole to suggest that maybe she shouldn't attend? I'm too old for this high school crap that she doesn't seem to have grown out of.
TL;DR: I want to not invite a friend to our wedding because she hates the best man and his wife.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
h35zYUrrSC0hmDywhEMB52o6xnFuss6I
|
afar8p
|
{
"description": "punching someone who was pissing me off",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for punching someone who was pissing me off?
|
Sorry for any bad grammar mistakes or anything, I'm a student who is kinda bad at it anyway. For extra this happened around my second year in this high school and I tend to keep my feelings bottled up until something forces me to release them and sometimes its in physical ways and other times its the silent treatment.
So a year or two ago I hanged out (and still do) with a group of roughly 9 people at school. We would sometimes argue as I am quite hot headed so naturally when I repeatedly told them to leave me alone after an argument I got annoyed when they began following me. However, I got really pissed when this one girl, who I'll call Momo, made a smug face at me. I really hate smug faces so I punched her.
So am I the asshole for punching her when she was getting on my nerves?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
1WdPwWP8ELS79ctvyBSaLt9sIb8BXg4Y
|
ah7qv4
| null |
AITA: Had loud sex with girlfriend to annoy the guy who has a crush on her
|
My girlfriend, D, and I have been together for three months. I'm caucasian and she is of Chinese descent (this is relevant later). She lives in a co-ed dorm, and one of her neighbors, J, has a longstanding infatuation with her. I've known about J since before we started dating, and D has (too gently, I think) let him down on several occasions. She doesn't like to hurt people, which is admirable, but I think it's prolonged his crush because she hasn't been forceful enough in her desire to remain only friends.
​
J is also of Chinese descent, which is part of his rationale for why they should date -- apparently it would make things "easier" for them to date within their own culture. Problem is, D has a pretty specific type: tall white guys. She of course hasn't told J this specifically, but she did tell me that he really resents that white guys date "all the good Asian girls." I can't decide whether this is a legitimate concern or bellyaching on his part. I want to sympathize, but it's hard because you can't really choose who you're attracted to.
​
I finally met J last week when D and I were heading out to an orchestra concert. We were both in full formalwear and D had high heels and a figure-forming dress on. We were on our way past the common area on her dorm floor and this guy walks up to her and just launches into a conversation. He doesn't acknowledge me at all, no introduction, nothing. I'm trying to be polite and finally D introduces us and he just kind of gives me a "what's up" nod. Okay, fine. He's about her height when she has heels on - it's obvious this guy really is not her type so I'm not feeling threatened. But then he asks if she'll hold on for a minute, goes to his room, and comes back with a fucking teddy bear. He gives D the teddy bear, right in front of me, and said when he saw it, it made him think of her. She thanked him and we went to the concert (the teddy stayed in my car).
​
Now, I don't think of myself as a mean person. Most people who know me would find meanness not in my character. But all during that concert, all I could think of was making J suffer -- not terribly, but just enough to back off. So, I hatched my plan. I knew D's roommate would be out all week, which meant I would be able to stay over at her dorm. D and I started having sex on our second date. I have since learned that certain things will make her get very, very loud - to the point that she has to bite a pillow or risk sounding like she's being "murdered with sex," as she puts it. So, last night we had a very romantic evening out, and when we came back J was in his room with his door open studying. His room is directly north of D's and the walls in the building are pretty flimsy. You can hear other people's music or tv most of the time. She said "Hey" and then we both went into her room and closed the door. I proceeded to clear her bed of pillows, throw her down on it, and get down to business. I won't go into graphic detail, but she was very much caught up in the moment, and when she looked for a pillow to bite, there was none. So she just let it all out. For like fifteen or twenty minutes.
​
At this point we're both giddy, and then it hits her. J was next door and she guessed he could hear everything. She immediately started feeling sad, worrying that hearing his crush in the throes of passion would be painful. I suggest that maybe that's something he needed to hear, in order to make it clear that he will never, ever be considered a sexual option for her. This made her even sadder, and she started to go on about what a great person he was, how he is really very kind and would make someone very happy, etc. She starts to get pissed off at me and saying I'm being mean. I tell her I'm sorry, she's right, and leave to go to the shared men's room down the hall.
​
I walk past the common area and see J. He's just staring at me with the most intense look of pure, burning hatred. So I give him an innocent "what's up" nod and say, "Hey man, is there a water fountain on this floor? I am super dehydrated," and wipe some of the remaining sweat from my forehead. And I truly believe he deserved all of this, but here's where I wonder if I'm the asshole, because in that moment I was fucking thrilled to completely dunk on this dude. And that scared me a little, knowing there's some dormant, primal part of me that just wants to be king. J, for his part, never did tell me where the water fountain was.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 195,
"OTHER": 181,
"EVERYBODY": 176,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 191,
"WRONG": 371
}
|
WRONG
|
nrcDuZuPSiVvVfib5sxiQ3exN8TLmbKw
|
a6ipne
|
{
"description": "expecting help from my own friends",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for expecting help from my own friends
|
I always feel that there's a pattern when it comes to helping out my friends. Whenever they need help I'm always there for them giving my best. But when it is the other way around I always feel helpless most of the time. Most of my frustrations during my problems is that they don't even bother to ask if there's something they can do or if not at least be open about it. Constantly being disappointed by my expectations, even the smallest act of kindness or help makes me want to weep right in front of everyone. I do know that when you help someone, you don't really have to expect something in return because you're doing it voluntarily, but even when I ask for help I'm generally met with this vibe that they don't want to help me at all which make me feel like absolute shit.
Sorry if I'm giving to much information away / vent here. I felt that some context was needed
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
EuHfMNrlyZUg6btbVZISICLv2DCHOQPb
|
acu5zj
|
{
"description": "sleeping on the shuttle",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I sleep on the shuttle (I snore)?
|
So I’m taking a shuttle (a big van company back home) and it’s 6:30 am rn and I want to sleep, but I snore. WIBTA if I fall asleep on the shuttle?
Thanks guys. It’s tough because I snore and I’m only 19 years old
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
zk0YVIBUKpOfqG0Ph6kLHODTXVg6tGr3
|
arnzou
|
{
"description": "using led headlights",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for using LED headlights?
|
First i like to point out i know how annoying they are but a bit of a back story:
I'm a motorcycle rider and my mechanic installed them for me as a gift without really asking before he did.
i was going to switch back to normal headlamps but said i would give them a shot for a week or so (just cause they look nice, selfish i know)
since i know they can be a pain i did lower the beam as low as possible, but its still noticeably brighter than normal headlamps, so i know drivers are a bit annoyed by it.
the thing is, I noticed the amount of cars that cut me off on a daily basis has significantly reduced, it's honestly like magic in that regard.
So i decided to keep them.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
iGH7ezWmwNxvQm9AXiCcx5qXXtco7Pu3
|
a0kq5w
|
{
"description": "being mad at my friends for not helping me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for being mad at my friends for not helping me
|
I've been struggling with a large project, for a number of reasons. This is a solo project and we've been working on it for a few weeks.
I've not been able to focus on my work lately due to a number of personal reasons which my friends are aware of, and I was able to get an extension for said project due to this.
By coincidence my friends had the deadline the same day as my extension and we've all been helping each other with a few issues over the course of the project.
Today was the deadline and I had almost completed the project, but was running into issues I didn't understand and was unable to think of a way around it. I spent a solid few hours working away at it this morning and over the weekend, and I couldn't find a solution. I asked my friends for help, since they'd all finished this project and had a spare couple of hours before the deadline.
My friends decided they wanted to go for lunch out instead of helping me. I asked if they could go somewhere closer and come back and help me after lunch, and was told I shouldn't come with them but should work on it myself. They wanted to go to the further place as I had a discount, so I gave them the discount and then left without saying anything a couple minutes later because I was upset, and went back and tried to do some more work.
I am aware I've been asking for a lot of help lately, not just with this but with other work as well as I'm struggling to keep on top of my workload with everything else going on.
I didn't end up finishing the work as I was unable to find a work around. I had another friend try and help me but he's not familiar with the work and could do a limited amount, but he saw I was stressed about this and made an effort to help me.
I ended up doing okay even without finishing but I'm upset with my friends for not trying to help me.
They're making plans for the weekend but frankly I don't want to see them for a while, so I'm not responding. We have plans for tomorrow night but I really don't want to go right now.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
HkCpevx2fwiTBX5BSnkRFdl6nmJJU69K
|
ba30es
|
{
"description": "lying to a girl I liked and ditching her with lies, because I regretted my actions",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for lying to a girl I liked and ditching her with lies, because I regretted my actions?
|
So let's start with a backstory that goes 4 years back. My friend and me were on a vacation at the seaside where we met a guy (let's call him Dave). He was a cool guy overall so we kept contact for about 1-2 years.
Fast forward 3 years my UNI made a picnic party. The day arrived and when I came there Dave was there and he brought a girl with him (let's call her Anna). So she was cute but a bit messy. With her dark hair, dark eyeliners and overall small figure not to mention extremly shy, she caught my eye. So we sat down at the same table, talked, drank etc. like every picnic party goes. Then it was time for chestnuts, so we gathered around the fire.
We were all just chilling there having small talk when suddenly I feel someone squeezing to me. I looked and it was Anna. A bit drunk but still not too badly, so I decided sure we can cuddle andd put my arm around her. Then the chestnuts were ready so we sat back down and ate them. Shortly after we decided to go home, so we packed a bit of booze for the walk home.
Anna then wanted us to walk together and so we did. We escorted a 4th guy. Next up was Dave, and so we went towards his flat and when we arrived there he didn't want to go to sleep yet so we sat on a nearby bench and spent some time there.
Then Anna drew out weed and said let's smoke it and so she started. I felt so bad because I had quit smoking weed for quite some time and this gril that was so promising was smoking it.
A little backstory for weed as well I suppose. I also have a 4 years older brother and there was a scandal involving weed that I don't want to get into details which made me quit.
Anyways so she passed it to Dave and he passed it to me. We drank our leftovers and then Dave decided to go to sleep. So now only Anna was left to escort. We walked slowly to her appartment and we were flirting all the way. When we arrived she was glowing of happiness and it made me feel special as well. So we stood there a while and made out when she invited me in. That's when it hit me.
I've felt shivers go down my spine and I started to do whatever I could just to not get there with her, since I knew we would both regret it after. After a while I actually managed to say good night even tho I saw her sad. I then walked to my dorm which was like 40 mins from there so i had time to think everything through and decided to sleep over it.
The next day however I felt so much guilt cause I had broken my only rule that I ever made: to never smoke weed again. Anna tho was very excited in the morning to see me again. I shocked from my actions was trying to avoid any further contact with her, so after a few days of avoiding with lies I spit out the biggest lie of all: there's another girl and I never heard from her again. I did saw her some times at UNI after that and I still do (now she has a boyfriend) but she's ignoring me like I was air. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
NWzY6uTUPIKMxEDxOj4RT0bCNIqXnn0v
|
a44sgx
|
{
"description": "not letting my older sister copy the homework",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting my older sister copy the homework?
|
My older sister (I’m 17 and she’s 19) and I are taking a college course together (which I now realize was a terrible idea). Since the start of the class I’ve been doing all of our assignments purely because I want to avoid arguing with her. She can be really mean and hurtful when in an argument and I always end up crying (I’m also a female btw) so I basically let her push me around a lot.
I eventually get fed up and tell her she couldn’t copy a homework assignment. She started yelling at me and refused to let me go to class until I gave it to her (she wouldn’t hand me the car keys). She says things along the lines of how I’m her sister and we should be helping each other out. She doesn’t have a job and she spends her time either at the gym or out with friends claiming she’s busy. She demands money from my parents (they both seem to have given up on her and just give her whatever they want so she doesn’t start yelling at them too... I sometimes think even my parents are afraid of her).
She called me an asshole and said a bunch of other personal things that she knows will hurt me. She tells me I’m useless and a terrible sister.
I eventually manage to get the keys from her during the argument and I start walking towards the door. She then grabs my wrist (I have really small wrists) super tight and forces me to face her by also grabbing my face and turning it in her direction. Im pretty small so I hurt easily and at this point I was honestly scared of her.
I ended up giving in and gave her the assignment.
We both get into the car and during the entire ride she is screaming at me. She’s one of those people who doesn’t let you get a word in when arguing so I sat there for a 10 minute car ride listening to her insult me. I was 25-ish minutes late to class that day because I couldn’t stop crying.
This all happened about a week ago.
My friends have all told me that I’m wrong and that it shouldn’t matter if she copies off of my work since we’re sisters. A lot of them said I overreacted and made a big deal out of nothing. I took their word for it and thought maybe they’re right but it still bothers me and I just want to know what you guys think.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 17,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
e8TCHsR5BEHGHkdFRZeJZRIQXqiyzaE0
|
abu5y5
|
{
"description": "getting upset with my boyfriend for giving my leftovers away to a homeless man",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting upset with my boyfriend for giving my leftovers away to a homeless man?
|
This happened awhile ago when I was a broke college student. Our local pizza joint had a special on Wednesday where the menu was 30% off for college students. It had been awhile since me and the when bf had a date night, so I decided to treat us. I specifically ordered a large pizza with the intention of having leftovers, because again I'm broke and I need to have my meals planned out. I even tell my boyfriend this plan.
We have a nice meal and I get the check and a to-go box for the half of pizza that was left. At least three meals worth, so I'm excited. We leave and my bf grabs and carries the pizza box out. As we are walking back to the dorms we see a homeless with a sign asking for money. To be honest they are everywhere since this is a tourist town and can rely on the kindness of out of towners. It always tugs on my heartstrings because that's no way to live. Anyways, as we walk past this guy he asks for money. My boyfriend tells him he doesn't have anything but holds out my pizza and says to take it. The guy mutters thanks, grabs it and places it on the ground. I'm a little stunned at this point since my bf knew that I wanted and frankly needed the leftovers. We keep walking and I turn around and see the pizza still on the ground and the guy ignoring it while continuing to panhandle. When we get back to the dorms I tell my bf how upset I am and that he had no right to give away my food. If he wanted to help he should have given away his own money. He said I was being selfish. We argued for awhile and I insisted he go buy me a small pizza to make up for it. Eventually he did, but he made me feel like a monster for wanting to keep my food.
AITA for getting mad that my bf gave my food away to a homeless man?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
X3PjxOjHcxofeOaaRPuCm2ynAjIII69P
|
at3u2d
|
{
"description": "bragging about my success to a struggling single mother",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 101
}
|
AITA for bragging about my success to a struggling single mother?
|
**I know the title sounds alarming, but there is considerable context.**
I (27M) have a very high paying job, am engaged to a beautiful woman and have it pretty good in life. HOWEVER this was not always the case, in high school I was extremely overweight, had acne and was mercilessly bullied...even up until 18
There was one particular girl (we'll call her douchebag), who was particuarly mean spirited to me. She would always make fun of my looks and call me a virgin, etc. She did not stop, and I just accepted my 'place' within the hierarchy. This happened up until 18, and that was the last time I saw her...
In university, I blossomed, I lost the weight and acne was taken care of, and I definitely had a lot more luck with girls. I also graduated with a good degree. My uni years were FAR better than my school years.
Now I have seen how Douchebag ended up...she ended up aging pretty fast (she looks twice her age) and becoming a single mother to two kids, needless to say, she IS struggling in life. And when I went back to my hometown, I actually saw her on a night out (went to a nightclub) when I went with my friends...she didn't recognize me but I recognized her, and we started speaking.
She seemed more mature and pleased to see me, asked how I was doing, I told her how my life turned out well and she said it was great to see me and that I looked great. She said she was glad that I'm doing well, I then started to ask what job she has and she starts to say she's a waitress and she's struggling, etc.
This is when I started to brag...I started to say things like:
> ''Wow...it must suck to work as a waitress still...I'm making 6 figures...I can't imagine the struggle you have raising two kids...''
I was pretty drunk, but I could tell that she was visibly upset and annoyed. I then just said abruptly ''Look, I'm going to cut the crap...I don't feel sorry for you, and I'm glad you are having a shit time''.
I went away after that and my friends knew what I said, they said I was fucking savage for doing that and a huge asshole...but I think they don't understand that I needed to get it ouf my system?
Needless to say, **I felt GOOD that she was suffering...and I'm not sure whether that makes me an asshole if I feel it is justified to feel that way?**
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 94,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 101
}
|
WRONG
|
N0Ddg7mKyF8KhF47SHGcQ1C5s9WApOAK
|
apnj6u
|
{
"description": "wanting space after so mocked me for being sick",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting space after SO mocked me for being sick
|
Have been sick for the past 4 days. Trying my best to feel better and keep positive.
​
SO gets snappy at me last night because I haven't gone to the dr to get it checked out. I knew it wasn't anything serious, just a bad bout of a stomach virus and it would go away with some time. I didn't want to go to urgent care and waste money on being told it was a simple stomach virus.
Shortly after, I mentioned that "I didn't feel well and I'm gonna go lay down" or something similar to that, and SO mocked me and echoed back those words. I felt hurt by this and ended up going to take a shower to relax as I was starting to feel nauseous.
​
After the shower I go to living room to lay down while SO finishes up some office work. SO comes in and wants to talk and I instantly respond with "Please give me space, you are making me feel worse and I just need to relax." I was a bit abrasive with this, but I didn't like how SO never apologized for making fun of me and it was just making me feel worse getting worked up.
​
The night ended up with SO getting what was called "silent treatment" from me, except I was completely out of it and dozed off with a bad migraine and stomach cramping. I wake up this morning to discover SO is incredibly pissed that I didn't say anything all night to resolve the issue, and that I'm breaking our promise of "never going to bed angry". I didn't even know SO was up crying all night, or that they had slept on floor. SO also packed a bag to stay somewhere tonight and told me "our relationship isn't going to be put on hold for you when you feel sick" and that I don't respect the relationship.
​
Am I the asshole here for walling off and just wanting to rest and relax?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
G5K4SmcQXFNwQokKGi03fHpFF3n1OXdk
|
a4zv93
|
{
"description": "possibly cheating",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for possibly cheating?
|
I (22m) saw this girl (23, call her Gal) for a total of 5 weeks. I could tell by week 2 it wasn't going to work, but being inexperienced and from a broken home I wanted to try my best to make the relationship work. At the end of week 5 my (friend 1) was celebrating her birthday by drinking downtown friday night. I invited Gal, but she would only come if I didn't drink. That would have totally killed (friend 1)'s vibe so we just set up a date for that sunday and Gal didn't come drinking, no hard feelings, I think.
Details real quick:
By the beginning of week 5 I had a strong feeling we needed to break up. Not only did we not have much in common, she was constantly mad at me because of misunderstanding what I was saying. I'll be honest my sarcasm is a little dry sometimes but it ended up me weighing my words too frequently for me to be myself around her.
Back to the end of week 5, the night we're going to go out drinking. We're pre gaming at (friend 2)'s place and as I'm getting an uber I get a passive aggressive text from Gal about having not talked to her at all that day. I hadn't made much of an effort to talk to her that week, and the combination of considering breaking up and knowing I was going to see her that Sunday made me not really think about it.
Anyway that text was it for me, I knew reading it that I was intoxicated and not going to try anything rash, but was 100% breaking up with her the following day (saturday). I diffused the situation and told her I was a little drunk and I'd talk to her tomorrow.
That night we all got very drunk. At the end (friend 2), and two strangers, a guy and a girl (friends not dating), came back to my apartment to drink after the bars closed. (Friend 2) was totally set the whole night to get this girl to sleep with me. Me, drunk as fuck with 0 game, thought this was a great idea. I can tell pretty quick she's not interested so I drop it and just enjoy destroying these people at beer pong.
As we finish up the last game of whatever we were doing I go around for high fives. This girl comes back with a kiss. It was fast, but it sobered me up real quick. Nothing else happened and everyone left ~30 minutes later but I felt awful.
The next morning I broke up with Gal over the phone, totally hungover, and I didn't say anything about the night prior. My concern here is cheating. My friends have said it doesn't matter because nothing happened, but I don't think I would have stopped her had it continued, and I don't know how to feel about that.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
jyYFMzsEk147PEGR1QdFdCEOViopa2AR
|
ba1lx1
|
{
"description": "asking my gf to stay away from her fling",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for asking my gf to stay away from her fling
|
Story goes like this and I'll try to be utmost honest about everything.
I started dating my gf almost a year ago. We do LDR. I visit her every 1 and a half month. I am in Thailand and she's in UK. We have to be apart because I am a student researcher in an American university in Bangkok and she's currently pursuing her degree there.
Before I dated her, she used to date one of my close friend and they were serious. While dating my friend, they fought a lot, broke up many times and my close friend cheated on her woth several women and I knew all of it. My friend also have commitment issues too. She didn't know much about him and his behaviours since they started doing LDR in their second year and their relationship lasted for 4 years. While they broke up many times and between those different intervals, my gf had a guy that she used to see. Let's call him John. Nothing serious, just for sex. John was also having problems with his gf.
That shitbag, instead of fixing his problems with his gf, took a "break" from his relationship and had sex with my gf on every interval of her breakup or every occasion imaginable. Loose moral. I don't think a guy should have sex with another woman while they have a relationship on limbo. John was not absolute with his gf either and they were taking some time off. Even while sleeping with my gf, he met up with his gf.
Please note that John also had a couple of relapses with my gf after getting back with his gf after a long time and then my gf started seeing her ex, my close friend again. My close friend somehow had some hints about John but never knew the whole story.
Most of the time my gf and my close friend fought was because my friend had big suspicions about John who also was, flirtatious, forthcoming and downright told my gf to break up with my close friend because they were toxic.
Here's the problem. I don't trust that guy. I think that he took advantage of my gf and her vulnerable moments. I also think that it was not right for my gf to have had sex with John while he had an ongoing relationship. Before I dated her, I knew that she had a thing with John, but I found out about most of the intimate stuffs later when she told me incrementally, in episodes.
All in the past, am I right? No. John is now back with his gf and apparently told his gf about his past with my gf. But instead of letting the past guide his conscience, he kept inviting my gf out to bars, ball dances and even to an Ireland drinking trip on the dates that I was visiting her. It's annoying because my gf was interested in all of those offers. All of them.
I don't want to be a self-righteous asshole.
Most of their sex related stories happened after being drunk. I am in a long distance relationship with her and I truly love her. I worry. I told her that if John keeps flirting and inviting her out to those functions, I will have a conversation him. I told her to stay away from John too.
Am I the asshole boyfriend?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
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}
|
WRONG
|
QVxaefZ7iVNwebjmwCwnhKLA1jfIcQEg
|
alhumh
|
{
"description": "informing my employers of the raise in minimum wage",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for informing my employers of the raise in minimum wage?
|
Okay guys to keep this as simple as possible I will cite the texts we exchanged verbatim. “M” will stand for me (the possible asshole). “E1” and “E2” will stand for my bosses.
M- Hey guys, I read online minimum wage has been raised to $8.85 since Jan. 1st, I’m not sure if you guys were aware, but I remember the last time payroll didn’t pick up on it so I figured I’d tell you
E1- Thank you!! We will check
E2- Retro paychecks will be issued this Friday.
E2- Payroll was just notified about the change so they didn’t let me know, but I just called. It won’t be much though since it’s only a $ .25 cent difference
This has happened before. Last year I stumble upon an article stating the state had raised the minimum wage. I noticed our pay rate had not been increased so I let my bosses know. They called payroll and retro checks were given. Same thing happened this year and I was really dreading having to tell them. I never thought they did it on purpose. I didn’t want to upset them. I really try my damn best for this job and get paid minimum so every little bit counts to me. After receiving this response I have yet to reply...
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
BM1oAPZHgxhEBobE0dfhqqNJW7KWI9XH
|
apku2a
| null |
AITA, in character, for thinking that my party member should've acted in a certain way?
|
PREMISE: This is D&D 5e.
A friend of mine runs a D&D 5e game. Last session, we went up against a sleeping young red dragon, and while pondering what to do with it because while it wasn't our mission, the guy was standing in our way and we had the option to kill it or leave it be and possibly have to face it later, and we all collectively took the decision to jump the gun and face possible consequences later. All except for one of our party members, Aglet. (Bladesinger wizard)
Enter our surprise round, where we all beat up the dragon, the health visibly whittling down its health (the DM had messed up and let us see on roll20 the healthbar of the thing)... except Aglet, of course. Aglet uses his surprise round to Message my character asking, **while in the middle of a fight**, what the hell do we think we're doing.
For context, our two characters have a shared background, coming from a world different from the one of the setting where no dragons existed, and the only examples of dragons we had seen were either feral or not actual dragons but gods in disguise. So no "ambigously moral" to jump a creature that the party members had told us to be inherently evil.
Still, we're the luckiest mofos on the face of the planet, and the dragon rolls a 1 on the initiative, allowing us a second round in a row.
We keep punching the dragon, he finally gets the hint that he should attack the dragon and does so. Over the course of the second round, the Dragon falls under exactly the amount of health that the dragon would've died with another Ray of Frost. Or with a stab from a knife. Or if you looked at it a bit too mean, really.
Still, alive is alive and the creature decides that adventurers Flambè is quite nice and uses its breath weapon. Do note that we're a semi-weary party of level 5 adventurers, so it's perfectly within the realm of possibility to get oneshot despite getting the save right.
Thank fuck our DM decided that our Rogue's critical dexterity save, plus his uncanny dodge and the pally's successful save were enough to make the both of them move out of the way, although knocking the pally prone because the rogue shoved her out of the way of 16d6 worth of fire damage.
With a collective phew of the group, it's our Wizard's turn to act. Since he was so adamant to not want to kill the thing, perhaps he can try and do nonlethal damage?
Nope. Ray of frost. Ironically ends up missing and the pally gets her revenge kill on the creature.
But after that. Hoo boy. Does he say "sorry for not attacking with you guys", both in game and out of game? Does he instead role it and ask pally and rogue if they're alright because they just avoided near certain doom, especially because pally is his in game SO?
Nope.
"You guys should have listened to me when I said I didn't want to attack it."
Cue Rogue flipping his shit, telling him off. He can't do that because Aglet goes psycho and launches a ray of frost "of warning" (aka he missed). And then. And then.
"I roll Investigation to loot the dragon." we're kinda mad that he wants to do that when he did jackshit while we all wasted resources to take it down, but he rolls and dice gods be on our side, he finds nothing of use among its bones. And then he just leaves to wander off in the rest of the cave.
The only justification he gives after being told off by yours truly out of game for
1 Not going through with a decision made by the whole party except him, which is honestly the least bad
2 Putting a party member in danger deliberately like that
3 Not saying sorry and even claiming himself as the one with the moral high ground
4 Not being concerned at all with the fact that he nearly offed his spouse
5 Demanding loot after doing nothing to kill the dragon
and 6, attacking a fellow party member
and he just says, mr. Neutral Good, "It's what my character would've done."
to sum it up, Am I The Asshole for getting mad?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
cCTOUsRB5iyfLbUzMUV9dbfHnSJBbq3S
|
b20b93
|
{
"description": "not wanting to take care of my sister's kids",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to take care of my sister's kids?
|
I currently live two hours away from my family, and my dad’s birthday is this coming week. I don’t come home a lot, since I’m busy with school and work. I planned weeks in advance to come back this weekend before his birthday to see him and spend time with my family. I drove back Friday (yesterday) right before noon, and I went to visit my sister and her kids that evening. She asked me to take care of her two kids (8 and 2 years old) Saturday night (tonight). I, being a barely surviving college student, asked if she would pay me. She said she would, she would give me forty dollars. Keep in mind, this would mean bringing her kids come over around 6pm, and she would have them stay overnight, picking them up in the morning. I told her that I would think about it, not saying yes or no.Now, today she was talking to my mom about her plans for the evening and she mentioned that I was going to be taking care of them. I asked her if she would pay me sixty, and she got upset. She got mad and I told her that if she was going to have them stay the full night then I wanted at least sixty. She started to cry, and my mom got upset as well.
I personally don’t think I was unreasonable, even if she is my sister. She doesn’t use babysitters or a babysitting service, only relying on family to take care of them. I take care of them almost every single time I come back to visit. I am currently working with a babysitting service which charges upwards of $10/hour, but I wasn’t going to make her pay $1/hour, but I wanted something reasonable.
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Ed9BvnC6X3pMxe7hDh1vEdmcL0c4uSh5
|
ahr2z6
|
{
"description": "wanting to download a game I bought for myself whilst someone is trying to watch tv downstairs",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to download a game I bought for myself whilst someone is trying to watch TV downstairs?
|
So, I know the title may be confusing to some people so let me explain.
The way the TV works in my house is that it’s linked with the internet, so if you wanted to watch TV properly you would have to have no one doing any downloading on the network, otherwise the TV will become choppy and unwatchable.
It’s already 12:30 AM so I figured now would’ve been a good time to start the download, but apparently someone was watching TV downstairs. They came up to my room and told me to turn it off because they wanted to watch TV, but I said that I also wanted to download my thing too, as it is already so late and you could’ve just watched the TV before.
So, they accepted my downloading for the night and shut the TV off, probably pissed at me, but now I feel like I should’ve just shut the download off.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
HY4KVh8A2vydbMYkPt3cUURGqEdeAqLd
|
b5nljx
|
{
"description": "not speaking to my dad in 3 years",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not speaking to my dad in 3 years?
|
My dad said something terrible to my mom in front of me and my brother a few years ago. We haven't been speaking since but we do live together.
Last month we got into another fight. He was threatening to beat me up and saying I don't respect him. I asked him to acknowledge that what he said was wrong. His response was that what he said, he said in anger and he can't be held accountable for it. This went on for a while. I didn't ask for a apology, by the way. Finally we went to sleep and haven't spoken since and probably never will.
I think the things we say in anger, we really mean. Because we don't have a filter during those times. In my dad's defense he's normal 90% of the time. But sometimes he will take a little thing and make such a huge deal out of it and seriously traumatise me. All my family members are telling me to talk to him and that I shouldn't be so egotistical. But I think he's a toxic person and I'm too sensitive to my own feelings.
We had a normal relationship when I was a kid. But I have a habit of holding onto bad things. I think saying something harsh would be 'acceptable' from a teenager like me but it shouldn't be excused for a 50 year old man. I won't ever talk to him again unless I absolutely have to. But I still want to know if I'm in the wrong so I won't make the same mistakes again.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
J86ecCfwcSMpDeNKCGjKB1XrLQhCAOmT
|
agyokt
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend we are not very compatible sex wise and asking if we can have an open relationship",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For telling my girlfriend we are not very compatible sex wise and asking if we can have an open relationship?
|
I have been dating my girlfriend for five months, and despite having very little issue with her personality, our sex life is terrible for me.
Its not that I dont find her unattractive per se, I just don't enjoy sex with her. She doesn't understand my needs despite me communicating what I want. I have sat down with her multiple times and told her what I would like, and even though she agrees she has never been able to satisfy me as a man.
She herself always reaches orgasm and enjoys sex, and though I reach orgasm that is the only enjoyable part of the sex. The rest feels like a chore. I have told her this, but despite so many conversations nothing has changed. We even went to a counselor but nothing has worked.
So finally after yet another boring night I decided that I was going to respectfully ask for an open relationship, just so that I can pursue my sexual desires elsewhere while still maintaining the other aspects of our relationship. Also since I really don't like having sex with her I told her that she can pursue other men if she wanted.
She was very hurt that I even asked, and refused. She also said she still wants to have sex with me, and doesn't want an open relationship or other men, and she doesnt want me to be with other women. It is not my intention to hurt, but at the same time as a man I have needs. She says that its horrible that I would even ask.
Am I the asshole for even asking?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
lL4X45ZGJTRoFczEP0HUPg7MQE6AOjxi
|
b9wfix
|
{
"description": "playing music with a speaker on my bicycle",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 24
}
|
AITA for playing music with a speaker on my bicycle?
|
For several weeks now, I've been using a loudspeaker (a JBL GO, roughly the size of my hand) to listen to some music when I'm going to college -or anywhere else I go with my bike in fact-.
Since then, I couldn't help but notice quite the number of people not only looking at me surprised, but also more or less angry. T
To give an idea of its power, when a car is passing near me I can barely hear it going on, sometimes I can't even hear it if there's a tad too much wind. On the other side, people have noticed me ranging from a good dozen meters to just a few ones.
I get that my music can bother people, but I believe that they can endure it for ten seconds (literally).
To answer the question of the headphone, I found out that my hearing declined quite a bit over the years and I've been told that I was almost shouting when I thought I was talking normally. Thus a few weeks ago I decided to take a first step.
Tl;Dr : Started to use a loudspeaker the size of my hand when using my bike, bunch of people have angry look because of it.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
b6Enwxb4S2cR29DI3VZfmliiZrgXjdrR
|
b4rhbo
|
{
"description": "not wanting to find a new flat with my current flatmate",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to find a new flat with my current flatmate?
|
Hey guys!
Skipping the long intro and jumping straight into it:
Right now, I live with my room mate (Gonna call them X for this story!)
When X and I moved together we had this agreement of how things where gonna be. We were gonna have a shared account for money to the flat (rent, Electricity, Wifi, etc) and we were gonna share cleaning around the house.
It was a good way to both safe money and learn to live away from our parents. The deal was to stay living together until we both finished University.
\- There's a lot of problems with this whole situation but the major problem is cleaning! -
The cleaning deal went something like this:
Me:
\- Clean bathroom, living room, bedroom.
\- Do laundry
\- Dust
\- Take out trash
\- Help with dishes.
X:
\- Help with dishes.
\- clean X's computer room (I'm literally not in there unless I need one of my books)
\- Vacuum
Already now it's pretty obvious that I do most of the things at home, but this agreement was made when I was home sick with an injury and X was in university.
FAST FORWARD TO NOW:
I'm cleaning EVERYTHING! and I do mean \*EVERYTHING\* !! I'm allergic to dust, so I need to clean the flat weekly or I might get a serious reaction.
6 months ago, I stopped completely cleaning the computer room, because Why would I? I'm never in there and I removed my books from there. 3 months ago X promised to clean the room. Today I looked in to see rotten food paper and old dishes scattered around the floor. (Ever seen a neck beard nest? HOLY SHIT I think I live with one!) We talked about it last night and X told me "Yeah I finally got the weekend off to do it!" but has been spending the whole day just staring at me keeping the rest of the house clean while X played computer.
X's Dad once had the audacity to scream at me that \*I\* was the reason the flat was messy, after being away for a whole weekend, while X had a "Game night" with friends and (NO SHIT) didn't clean after them.
Our lease runs out around December this year, and I don't want to move in with them again because I'M NOT A FUCKING MAID! I'm fuming with so much anger it physically hurt.
TL DR:
Am I the ass for not wanting to find a new flat with my flatmate (even though the original deal was to live together until after University), after realizing they treat the house as a pigstine and me as a personal maid?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
O04UiKLFHIjih5Xpwv1mogaM80k2owiC
|
a0irny
|
{
"description": "quitting my job",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
Wibta for quitting my job?
|
So for the past two weeks I have been working two full time jobs in a bid to relieve my family of some debt (nothing serious) and stockpile for Christmas. One is my career 9-5 and the other is an overnight position. I am 15 minutes early to both jobs and perform my duties to the fullest at both. The time in between jobs in the morning is half an hour and 4 times this week my relief has been late causing me to be late to my 9-5. My relief is dating our manager, to whom I have spoken with and told him of this situation. I make a little more than 3 times at my day job than I do here and am not willing to lose that job to this one. Would I be an asshole for giving notice today?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
iA6Z7uiY8MlHO08T1rLii12fUUYF5qhD
|
anbjrw
|
{
"description": "not helping boyfriend orgasm",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for not helping boyfriend orgasm?
|
Ok so my(24F) boyfriend (29M) takes a while to finish. Sometimes I'll be doing something (either on top or a bj, or whatever) then switch it up because whatever muscles I'm using are getting tired. I'll learn after sex or right after I move that he was kind of close to finishing but the change wrecked it (my words, not his). When this happens I feel terrible and power through another way, but this adds even more time and by the end everything hurts. But I make sure he finishes.
I've never "lost" an orgasm with him. I either do or I don't. Whereas with him, if he loses it and I don't want to continue due to fatigue, that would be the end of sex. And I guess I feel bad about blue balling him in a way.
This doesn't happen a lot, but it's happened enough that I want to know what to do if it comes up.
So, WIBTA for not putting in the extra effort to make him finish after getting him close once?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
gwlXR7wm91doAYGJgd5IfP7MBZENP2U2
|
a9pnlj
|
{
"description": "scolding scooter riders on the wwii memorial",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for scolding scooter riders on the WWII memorial?
|
I’m visiting family in Washington DC and I decided to go for a run. I’m running by the WWII memorial and I notice a few teenagers riding e scooters around the memorial. I politely ask them to move somewhere else out of respect. The parents proceed to yell at me and tell me to mind my own business. AITA for asking them to move?
On top of that I’m getting really annoyed at people taking smiling pictures around war memorials. I suppose everyone processes things differently but there is a time and a place.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
OtJANKAuIAtJYGmgmIrBg0mLMGAg6RQJ
|
a25qls
|
{
"description": "walking out, and later for not forgiving my brother",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for walking out, and later for not forgiving my brother?
|
Ok so here’s what happened: my mom (50+) wanted to put a rug in the kitchen that my brother (20s), dad (50+), and I (teen) hated. She refused to listen to our opinions so everyone started raising their voices. I got uncomfortable and went to my room to get some peace and quiet. My brother comes to my room shortly after and starts yelling at me for always running away from my problems (this isn’t the first time I’ve stepped out of an uncomfortable situation). I try to defend myself but he keeps attacking me. The argument escalates so far that I start calling him things like “insensitive” and he starts using my mental illness to tear me down. I am extremely hurt by the fact that he would go there over a silly rug and I start crying and screaming. My mom had to come in and break us up. I’m aware that he’s TA for blowing up like that, but AMTA too for walking away, and for still not forgiving him weeks after? I still talk to him and act polite but I don’t actually forgive him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
d4BHABf0eVre2socvJyzKfUfJNaikzY1
|
aj6ecn
|
{
"description": "not cuddling with my wife at night because I want to read",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For not cuddling with my wife at night because I want to read.
|
I guess im slowly morphing into an old man because ive started to read books on my kindle late at night. I go to the living room couch so i dont keep my wife up with the light since she likes to go to bed earlier.
However recently shes been waking up later into the night, getting up, and asking me to come to bed with her. I usually give in since i know she feels safer and more comfy with me there but i also want to read my book late into the night on weekends.
She asked me last saturday night to come to bed and I said i would come later, she said she wanted to cuddle, i basically said i would keep reading since its the weekend and i dont work in the morning.
I feel kinda bad but I also feel like I should be able to do what i want. AITA.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
56zhDwYO05eA1jVJc87sT0X1k0Obv4EV
|
axf0qi
|
{
"description": "telling my brother his girlfriend is not allowed at our house anymore",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my brother his girlfriend is not allowed at our house anymore.
|
So some background. They started seeing each other at work shortly after he had a long term relationship go very bad. He’s 25 slowly getting his shit together. She is 30 with a former heroin addiction, two kids she dumped on her ex after he got out of jail, and doesn’t have a drivers license or a job. I would go on but she’s a serial parasite on everyone she comes in contact with.
I was nice and didn’t say anything for a long time because he cares about her.
1 st serious incident was drunkenly screaming and having a fit because it was late and we asked her to turn it down.
2 nd incident was trying to convince him to quit his well paying factory job to go to this door to door scam which thankfully he did not fall for. She did and is now unemployed.
3rd incident was the most recent. Everyone was home but him so we all went out Friday and I knew she was down on her luck so we had her come out covered her bar tab etc. she described him as controlling but had a problem with all of us saying that was not okay.... once we got home she would not stop talking about it. She escalated to threatening everyone with violence. Followed by slamming doors for hours and sending nasty pms on Facebook.
The following day I called him and told him she needs to get out and is not allowed in our house.
I explained the situation and he was treating it like high school drama and trying to make excuses. I’m about to tell him if she’s not out by Friday I will have her removed when he’s at work since no one wants her here and as far as I’m concerned she’s trespassing if he’s not home.
Thanks again in advance. I’m just conflicted because I know it’s hurting him but I can’t live with a temperamental person in my home who does nothing but cause problems.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
rtuEZy1xx2saV62bg4zzxUGVSHTjPhAJ
|
a3rmtw
|
{
"description": "running a cable guy off my front porch",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for running a cable guy off my front porch?
|
Some background about myself and my situation:
I hate people knocking on my door. I have a no soliciting sign. We recently moved due to unforseen circumstances. The wife called the cable company to get our account transferred and they screwed the whole process up. I have spent way too much time on the phone with them trying to sort it out. At this point I am pretty frustrated with them.
The titular event:
It's 8:20pm and my 2 year old is in bed. The wife and I are watching TV in the living room. The lights are off and so is the light on the front porch.
Out of know where there is a knock at the front door and I can see a flashlight shining on the porch. My first thought, given the time of night, the type of knock, and the flashlight, was that it was the police. The dog is barking now and the kid has woken up crying.
I crack open the door:
Me: Can I help you?
CG: Hi, I'm Cable Guy with Cable Company. I see you have recently had a self install kit and I need to get into your back yard to finalize everything.
Me: It's after 8. You woke my fucking kid up. I don't have a visit scheduled and I am watching the cable right now. What the hell else do you need to do?
At this point I have stepped outside and closed the door behind me and started to unknowingly walk towards him.
CG: I can come back tomorrow if that's better.
Me: That's fine, cause you're not getting into my yard tonight.
He got in his van and left.
After I went back in, I began to worry that maybe he was just casing houses. I called the company and questioned them on why the hell they would send a tech out so late. No one had called ahead like they usually do. The company said no one was scheduled to work on my home, but a tech was in the area and may have gotten the wrong house.
I know swearing was uncalled for, but I was absolutely livid.
Tl;dr: Cable guy came knocking on my door after 8pm without an appointment and I told him to get the fuck out.
AITA for how I handled the situation? I know the guy was just doing his job, but that was a pretty inconvenient mistake?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
X03nwD81pNWrQ7vVmasp1g7F7kKJTKwo
|
awkumo
|
{
"description": "asking my girlfriend for pictures",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my girlfriend for pictures?
|
Okay to start off I want everyone to know that I am 17 and my girlfriend is 17, we have been dating for about 8 months. Her family is very religious and mine almost as religious. So, anything sexual has to wait until marriage. Her parents are very strict about this and sometimes we aren't even allowed to be in the same room together if we're alone.
Okay, so I have no intention of doing anything sexual with her, that is not my desire. But, on Instagram she posts pictures of her in bikinis and at the beach, etc. I loooove those pictures and sometimes I'll subliminally ask for pictures like that of her. She send me pics but not as revealing as those she posts. I was sorta confused but I never brought it up.
Anyway we got into am argument the other day and I was really annoyed. She then said you're just like other guys and said my behavior "disappointed" her. This took me off-guard.
So reddit, AITA for asking for pictures like the ones she posts on social media when she sends me ones that are less revealing?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
cY5JDCCmzTx2JKnXb4wfj93B8d02Ilk9
|
aysr1u
|
{
"description": "ordering food just for myself",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for ordering food just for myself?
|
I've done this more than once, but yesterday was the first time I felt really bad about it.
Every Thursday night I play d&d with a good group of friends, we start at around 8pm and go until 2am most nights. There's 7 people in the campaign, 3 live in the house we play. Me and 2 others crash on their couches, and 1 skypes in. We've been playing here for about 2 years and things are good most of the time.
In terms of food, we've gone through phases where we'll order a couple pizzas and someone will take the bill but it's never consistent. I could buy a pizza for all 6 in the house one day and the next week someone would buy pizza for only 2 people. It goes up and down and the distribution of wealth was uneven making me uncomfortable with the set up. 1 of the group members "L" is my bestfriend and I'm always down to foot his bill but not necessarily all the others all the time. I'm a student, working on call jobs so there's not always a sea of money flying in. I dont like the risk of saying I'm going to order pizza and having to pay for everyones. Even if they pay me back I'm not sure I have enough in my account to take in the first place.
The pizza thing lasted like 2 months then we went to doing our own thing. Most weeks I show up with food of my own, so does everyone else. Some people cook in the house and some buy and bring it with them. With this being the case I recently started uber eating food to their apartment. (I show up at 7, but ideally eat later so as to not feel snacky at like 2am). No one really said much until last night.
One of the home owners J's girlfriend played with us for the first time, my bestfriends L's girlfriend also joined us, and my other bestfriend too. I was planning on buying subway on my way over but wasnt hungry yet and could order more food from McDonalds for basically the same price. If it was just me and my two bestfriends I would have offered them to add to the order but again I can't do that with 6 other people.
Anyways, I ordered and the food showed up and J's girlfriend says "WHAT, you ordered food and didn't offer any of us??" Then another player T says "yeah... that's a very u/SpidermanGoneRogue thing to do" then they all do a little chitter chatter about it.
I passed around my fries cause I felt bad... I felt awkward for the rest of the night. I texted my Gf and she's assured me that it's not assholish but seems like everyone else thinks it is.
So AITA?
Tl;Dr - playing dnd with 6 friends every thursday for years, everyone usually does their own thing for food, I ordered on ubereats and got flack for not offering the group to also order.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
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"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
U1UqkFIifXD0ABG98zzavGPmEQaQVutl
|
afj27h
|
{
"description": "literally putting my dick in my girl's mouth",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for literally putting my dick in my girl’s mouth?
|
Throwaway for obvious reason
I (19M) have been with my Gf (19F) for a little over 4 months now. She is a virgin and we are waiting for her to be ready.
We have started experiencing with oral and many times I’ve went down on her, often after her asking me to. She had never been with another boy so at the beginning she had never touched a dick. After a while, she got comfortable and finally started giving me handjobs. While she was jerking me (she was lying in bed while I was standing) I moved my dick next to her lips and I slowly pushed it towards her mouth (it’s not like a shoved it in her). After an initial moment of discomfort and uncertainty on her side she started blowing me and a little after she was done she did it again. When I asked her if she felt uncomfortable she said it was fine because she loves me and wanted to return the favor.
AITA for pushing my dick next to her? Should I have just asked her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
c94g4IcnZWCN4UbKAOW7CBEWw6srVg6V
|
axp275
|
{
"description": "not talking to my mom about my mental health",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not talking to my mom about my mental health?
|
Hey all! LTL, FTP, on mobile so forgive my formatting, etc., etc. I know you’re all here for the story anyway.
For some background, I’ve been suffering from depression since high school (I’m 25 now). The symptoms have gotten worse since I moved out of my parent’s house 2 years ago, due to losing a major support system. I began seeing a therapist and taking medication to manage it, and it was going okay.
Early on, my therapist and I determined that a major stressor for me was talking to my mom about my mental illness. My mom tries to be supportive but the majority of her comments have been negative. She routinely questions/criticizes my use of medication and has told me “that I’m not trying hard enough.”
The last comment in particular really hurt me, so after some thought, I stopped telling her about how I was feeling mentally. If she asked, I would say I was okay and move on to another topic.
Until now.
Last week, I had a massive breakdown. I had a friend come stay with me for the night and scheduled an emergency session with my therapist. After a lot of talking, she strongly recommended I attend a partial hospitalization program to get me back on my feet.
I decided to attend (I start tomorrow), got everything cleared with my work and my insurance. The last thing left was to tell my mom, due to having to cancel some plans with her since I will have to be at the hospital from 8 AM to 3 PM everyday for a couple weeks.
So I called her and explained everything and she flipped the fuck out. She started ranting about “how dare I not tell her about this” and “I didn’t deserve to be blindsided by this.”
I tried to explain why I hadn’t been talking to her about this, hoping that since I talk to her about pretty much everything, including other medical things going on, she would empathize a little and back off. But was I wrong.
She immediately went off again, calling me a liar and a deceitful, merciless person, and told me how now she was going to have to go back to my grandparents and have to tell them about this after just telling them how well I was doing.
I shot back, saying that I was sure that she didn’t share all of her life with me, and how she had no right to tell me how merciless I was when there were things I know she hasn’t forgiven my grandmother for.
She hung up, and we haven’t spoken since. I know she’s waiting on me to come and apologize, but I’m not going to do that because I don’t feel I’m in the wrong here.
What do you all think? Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
ABsZCiSxho0SCgdlngPhiCZJbrPIdhvh
|
a6031e
|
{
"description": "only serving vegetarian meals at my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 118,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA if I only serve vegetarian meals at my wedding?
|
Both my partner and I are strict vegetarians. We have no problems with others eating meat in general but we often find the smell or look of it to be kind of gross. We never say anything about other people eating meat around us but on our wedding day we'd rather just not have to deal with it. AITA if the reception has no meat options?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 111,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 118,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
RIGHT
|
sNly4JaL4EBZwDXizpH2JeegoK75kLqp
|
a91q6p
|
{
"description": "wanting to keep my distance",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to keep my distance?
|
One hour left on this stupid car ride, before I have to deal with her obnoxious ass. Sigh.
I am a married, 40-year-old guy with a wife, two kids, dogs, a home, a profession, hobbies. All in all, a satisfying life. But a couple times a year, that all gets disrupted, as we travel out of area to visit my mother over holidays. Such as this one.
My mother is a widow, living six hours away from me and my family. She’s not perfect, but she’s my mom. We generally get along. However, my kid brother (35 years old) lives with her.
My brother and I have been hit or miss over the span of our lives. The issues I take with him are complicated: He was never held to the uber-strict standards that my parents imposed on me. My successes were treated as failures, whereas his failures are just overlooked. He is kinda rude and crude. He has no common courtesy. There was some blatant favoritism towards him. But… whatever. I can largely roll my eyes, and ignore him. He does the same, and we are able to pretty much avoid each other.
And then, there is his wife.
My brother dated some questionable girls, over the years. But his most recent is a true piece of work. She is loud, opinionated, racist… and frankly, rather stupid. She has XYZ annoying medical condition, that apparently can make it difficult to conceive. She convinced my brother that that was adequate birth control. It was not. I now have a nephew, and a sister-in-law.
“But 21stMonkey”, you are saying, “you don’t have to like her. You can just ignore her, too.” Yeah, I’ve tried that. Doesn’t work. She has seemingly made it her mission to be as infuriating as possible.
1) Despite having no life, educational, or job experience, this woman is an expert on everything. I went to school for Computer Science, but she claims to know more about them. I worked in the credit industry. But her broke ass knows more about investing. I design games, professionally… but she knows more about them, too. I’m a hobbyist chef, with some catering experience. But she’ll happily tell me what I’m doing wrong in the kitchen.
2) A special, infuriating case of the above: She tries to parent my kids. My girls are 10 and 8. They are outstandingly smart, well-groomed, well-spoken, well-mannered. I’m proud of them. Yet, without fail, she tries to boss them around. When I politely say ‘I’ve got it, they’re fine’, she claims to have worked in a daycare, and is thus a pro. Bitch, you worked in your aunt’s home daycare, as a janitor, for three months. Step. Back.
3) Also a case of #1, she is really into herbal this, and essential oils that. I’m pretty sure that I’ll have to listen to another diatribe about the evils of vaccinations, before the week is over.
4) My brother and SIL are living in my mother’s house, rent and expense free. They’ve never paid a dime towards their mountain of debt. Yet, I’ll bet Christmas day will involve lavish gifts, just like last year. In particular, SIL doesn’t work.
5) SIL is a slob. Their room is straight out of Hoarders. Two outbuildings on my mom’s property are filled with heaps of their stuff, totally unorganized. The main bathroom is a dumpster fire of their shit. It’s disrespectful, I think.
6) SIL uses my nephew as a weapon. If my mom tries to lay down the law, SIL threatens to take nephew away, forever. It’s really hurting mom.
Ok, I’m digressing, a little.
All in all, this woman is a terror. I don’t want to fuck things up for my mom, and start fights. So, a while back I decided that I should just ignore SIL, and not exacerbate things while visiting.
This is not sitting well with some of my other family members. A couple think that I’m being rude by being standoffish. I don’t agree. I think if I engage, I’m going to blast this bitch, and harshly. And it will cause problems.
One family member thinks that I have a duty to support my mom, and keep her from being victimized. I try to help her out, but I feel that I can’t fight all of her battles for her.
What do you think? AITA for thinking that just staying away from her is the mature way to handle things?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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YT59SNeEbMdEr8XYUzFDqoJXVQ1wasSz
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b3fdrh
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{
"description": "expressing extremeannoyance with my husbands bathroom habits",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for expressing extremeannoyance with my husbands bathroom habits?
|
This morning I woke up my husband, as I do every Wednesday. It is the only day of my work week that he is home and I get a chance to get ready without having to juggle our 9 month old. I placed the baby on the bed, and no exaggeration, he gets up and says he has to "pee", walks to the bathroom and closes the door. Is it even possible to muster up a turd approximately 3 seconds after waking up? The crazy thing is, this is so predictably routine. Mind you, most of my getting ready habits have died, I no longer have time to blow dry or fix my hair, and I never put on makeup. I never have enough time. He doesn't seem to care that this affects me. He just begrudgingly carries on with his day of taking care of the baby in between dumps.
​
I am willing to bet that he spends upwards of 4-5 hours per week on the toilet. In the course of the hour before I leave for work, he will absolutely go to the bathroom AGAIN. As we all know, men are not skilled in the area of efficient poop timing strategy and it takes them a bit longer. I get that. I also get that men do other things in the bathroom, and I am cool with it. But this is my only day to have an easy morning. Every other day, he leaves the house before we even get up. Part of me thinks its some kind of OCD tendency that he needs to poop without the baby around. And he won't have a chance all day unless he does it while I am home. I don't fucking care anymore. Grow up and poop like the rest of us.
​
I expressed my agitation and explained to him that if I wasn't home, he would have to figure it out. If it were me leavinng the house every morning, he would have to find a way to poop whilst taking care of the baby. It doesn't seem very cool to me that he has no problem whatsoever doing this every single morning he is home. I yelled that he needed to "make it quick" and he still was on there for 10 minutes. After I finally got to take a shower, he was hostile, cold, and argumentative for the rest of the morning. I went to put on a baby show and he shout from the kitchen "I WAS WATCHING THAT." Really dude? You were watching Hota's closet makeover on the Today Show? GTFOH.
​
I don't think I am wrong here, but he has been treating me like I am an asshole ever since. Short, cold, and insincere text responses. Wouldn't return my "I love you" before I left this morning. What the hell gives? Am I the asshole??
​
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
6kzNXbVjgMt2WM7yoe2tTmaLZYgc99Fj
|
aqaduc
|
{
"description": "not letting my daughter go ice skating",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not letting my daughter go ice skating?
|
My daughters friend is having a party soon and they’re going ice skating. My daughter is a competitive dancer and the week after the party she has a competition. She has duets, trios, and group numbers so if she were to get injured she would be letting down all these other children. I’ve said to her she can’t go because of the risk of getting injured. She’s very upset with me. My ex husband (who she’s gonna be with that weekend) thinks I’m being very unfair but has agreed not to take her. I have spoken to the parent of the child who’s party it is and have told her why she can’t come. They’ve said she can come after the skating part if she wants when they go and get some food so I’ve told my ex that he can take her for that.
AITA for not letting her go skating?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
eNKeyb5GhrgQgzRghdZyWwx8mbXyeuod
|
b3xyzn
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriend to grow up",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I told my boyfriend to grow up?
|
Throwaway because my friends and bf know my username, sorry this might be long.
The title is a tad bit misleading, but let me start off by saying I love my boyfriend dearly. He’s a really a great guy and I love being with him.
A little backstory: My [F/23] boyfriend’s [M/25] parents went through a very nasty divorce about a year ago. They were forced to sell his childhood home, and his mom moved into his grandmother’s small apartment.
After his parents sold the house, my bf moved in with his older brother and fiancée. BF pays them rent (a small amount, maybe a couple hundred dollars a month) but buys his own groceries, does his own laundry, etc.
Now, this is my issue. BF talks about how his mom is planning on moving into a larger home because she wants her own place again. He says once she moves, he will live with her. At first he said he is doing it for moral support because of the divorce, but he then revealed he thinks paying rent is stupid.
If it ever comes up in conversation, he will talk about how rent is throwing away money, a waste, etc. and how he will buy his own place instead. Now, this hurts my feelings because I have been on my own paying rent since college, but that’s a whole separate thing.
As I mentioned, he says he would rather save up to buy a house, which I understand. However, I know there probably isn’t much saving going on because he always complains about how he needs to actually start saving and he’s so broke. I know for a fact he is making about $80,000 at his job, I don’t see why he can’t set aside enough to move out on his own. For reference, where we are, to live with roommates it would probably be about $500 - $800, or $1200 - $1500 to live alone.
I think there is some insecurity going on, because a few of his close friends have already bought their own homes.
So, WIBTA if I expressed these feelings to my BF? I don’t know how to approach this subject. I just think at age 25 it might be time to have some independence.
TL;DR: BF currently lives with his older brother and is planning on moving back in with his mother once she gets a bigger house. He won’t pay rent because he thinks it’s a waste of money. He says he would rather buy a house, but has put in little to no effort on saving money.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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T2qRikTNUhogSWMEXSr5AVE4uXwBW22Q
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a0a2q5
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{
"description": "dissing my friend at the bar",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for dissing my friend at the bar?
|
Ok, so i was gonna have some beers with a couple of friends. One of my best friends (who doesnt really hang out with them) asked if he could tag along. I said yes, of course (because who would want to diss a good friend, right?). Now, while he is generally well liked, looks good and is pretty charming i must admit he is also not the sharpest tool in the shed. He has difficulties following conversations that does not involve beer or women, which can be a bit of a problem since he can get a little left out in certain social situations. This is important for later.
Now, i meet up with my friends at a bar. One of them has brought along a girl from his work. I have met her a few times before and we seemed to click pretty well. She is smart, pretty but first of all single. I haven’t gotten laid in a few months since i’ve been kinda down after a bad break-up, so i saw a chance to maybe get some action. She was obviously intrested, so fast forward a few hours and we was sitting alone in a corner and really hitting it off, just good times all around.
Except my friend of course, who did not really have a good time. He was hanging with my friends, and while they tried to cue him in their conversations, he had a hard time following some talk about politics or something. He became increasingly bored, so he figured he would sit with me and the girl instead. Which he did, by opening with ”wazzuup”, and sat down next to us. I found that to be quite annoying since we really started to hit it of for real, but whatever. I tried to talk to him for a bit, but at the same time kindly telling him to fuck off by keeping my answers short.
This went right over his head. His answer to that was instead to get a round of beers for me and her, even though she said she didn’t want more alcohol. This was then repeated a second time. This made me more annoyed since it kind of came of like i tried to get her drunk. So instead i tried to ignore him completely and focus on the girl, but he was adamant in interrupting and getting in our conversations. So, long story short - i ignored him for the rest of the evening, but since he was constantly interrupting by talking to the girl instead (which made her visibly annoyed), he kind of fucked up the mood, so we didn’t hook up in the end.
Now he thinks i was an asshole by ”dissing him the whole evening”, but i think he should have left me alone. I mean, he had like six more people to talk to. I must add that he is in a long term happy relationship so it was not out of jealousy.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
H9TcUlXUCQStijahQtU1KQdBIOx41zCG
|
b0nux0
|
{
"description": "sitting at a table when I ordered pickup",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for sitting at a table when I ordered pickup?
|
I ordered some Thai food for pickup over the phone and went to get it. The layout of the resteraunt was similar to [this](http://www.girlsguidetoparis.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/Pont-de-Yunnan.jpg) random picture from Google images. The tables were set with forks and knives.
I took a seat while waiting a few extra minutes for them to finish my order, then they brought it to the table I was at wrapped up for takeout. I was going to take it to my car but I was super hungry so said fuck it and started eating it there. A minute later a woman working there kindly told me you can't sit if you order pickup and I left.
I would understand if they were busy, but I was literally the only person there and there were like at least 15 seats. I know this is super insignificant but I'm just curious if I was having shit manners or if they are slight jerks / listening to their managers' orders.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
vhiZ4OUjLEnGNwdwYtYuJXuvc1hmhKNr
|
agxujy
|
{
"description": "dating my best friend's ex back in highschool, less than a month after they broke up",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for dating my best friend’s ex back in highschool, less than a month after they broke up?
|
This is a situation that happened 2 years ago and I’ve pretty much come to my own conclusion now but I think it would be interesting to hear reddit’s opinion.
I was 17, never had a girlfriend, my mate had just broken up with this girl I barely knew. The break up was one of those “let’s take a break” things so my friend was still not sure how they stood.
Three weeks go by and I suddenly get to know her at a couple of parties and things start moving quickly. We were both frustrated with my friend (honestly he had been a bit of a dick at the time but it was pretty minor stuff) and so broke the ice by complaining about him. (We quickly moved on to other topics but I still feel guilty about this) I started dating her a week later because I was so excited to have a girl where there was mutual attraction and we were having fun.
A week or so later, I told my friend about the relationship and it upset him a lot, saying that I should have spoken to him about it beforehand and “asked for permission.” After this, he started telling everyone at school about the situation and that I had “betrayed and manipulated” him and it turned a lot of people against me. Every time I would try to talk to him and ask him to keep the issue between us, he would become very defensive and at one point said “Fuck you u/McCleavage.” He never swore. Pretty soon after, we were no longer friends.
AITA?
Aftermath; My relationship with this girl ended after 3 months. My friend and I didn’t speak for another 6 months but then we spoke about everything and honestly we’re much better friends now than we’ve ever been so there is a happy ending to this story :)
I’ll comment my personal AITA judgment for myself after anyone else has already made up their minds, don’t want to bias anyone.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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gPvzzg0gBxHdIydp5Yjo7HxPqCbKILdQ
|
a5dpc4
|
{
"description": "not loving my family back",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not loving my family back?
|
I am a second-generation US citizen, born and raised in America. The only family I have in the US is my father, who I have a pretty good relationship with. I am an only child and my mother passed away around 4 years ago. The rest of my family (aunts, cousins, grandparent) live in China.
I have only seen my family one or two times in my life (I am 25) because I don't go visit them in China often, and they never come to the US. They have always been very kind to me when I have seen them and they always ask about me through my dad.
Language is a major barrier. They do not speak English and even though Chinese was the first language I learned as a child, I have very limited proficiency now. I can somewhat understand, but speaking is difficult. Having an actual conversation is pretty much impossible. The few interactions I've had with my family have all consisted of me smiling and nodding and saying the few words I can.
What sparked this post is that my aunt/cousin is going to be in my city (in the US) for the first time this week. Of course I offered my apartment and offered to take them out to dinner, but I realized I really didn't want to do any of this, I just felt \*obligated\* to. My boyfriend commented that I seemed stressed out after hearing they would be visiting, which I was (this combined with unrelated work matters have made me a little anxious). I then realized that he does is not this way at all when his family visits, which is often. He is genuinely excited to see them, happily hosts and takes them around the city. On the other hand, I feel like my family are strangers because, well... they mostly are. I honestly don't really want to see them, I just feel like it's another thing I have to do.
Because of this, I've let my relationship with my family deteriorate. I never prioritize visiting them in China. I planned a vacation next month, and chose to go to Europe instead. I can't write to them because I can barely read Chinese and definitely can't write.
I am conflicted, because on one hand I do feel very guilty about it, but on the other I do think I am somewhat justified in feeling like they are strangers. In Chinese culture, family is everything. My dad always tells me that they are your family and you should always put your family first. And I've experienced this firsthand when I have visited China and been received with open arms, despite them not knowing me at all. They will treat me like family simply because I am, whereas I for some reason feel like I need to \*know\* them.
Am I an asshole if I don't love my family back? I do believe they truly love and care for me, but all I feel for them is obligation. I realize there are probably some cultural differences at play too, like what love and family mean in each culture, but I do not want that to be an excuse for being a asshole.
Because language is a big part of it, I do feel like IATA for letting my Chinese language deteriorate. I know it's something I could actively try and improve, but it's just not really a priority in my life. I have a loving boyfriend and a few good friends. I don't honestly feel like I'm missing anything. AITA for feeling this way?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
OST41WpkgGl3NqCQ4KqvvxXxhlNbGcuR
|
9tel3c
|
{
"description": "trying to help my gf out and be an adult",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to help my gf out and be an adult?
|
So my gf went out last night. I was at work and she doesn't get paid till Friday so she needed some money. I gave her my debit card which only had 50$ on it bc I swapped to a new bank and my money was all in that account. So I told her before she left and before I was at work to not spend all of it just in case they tried to charge an overdraft if she went below zero. She also had 10$ cash on her.
So I text her last night and she says she did good and only bought a few beers and everything was great. Awesome I get home and everything is fine . I forgot to get my debit card from her and she leaves for work (in my vehicle).
We only have one vehicle at the moment bc hers is afk.
So she calls me 5 min down the road and says hey I have no money for lunch. And I say well what happened to the 60$ you had last night? She said I spent it all. So it upsets me and I tell her I don't understand why you would spend it all when I asked you not to. I figured my gf had enough sense to know she would need money for food the next day before work.
So I say I feel like you need to be more of an adult and manage the money better that I give you instead of blindly spending it. I'm not a money bank for you to just draw money from.
That led to her telling me I'm controlling her and she is sick and tired of me telling her how to live and how to do things. All I do is bitch and complain to her and try and control her.
We now are not talking to each other. But we live together so she will have to speak to me eventually.
AITA for trying to better her life or am I actually just trying to control her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
OpcPUTJTARU2xrSGzBgsWRAtUsQSQwEj
|
amzib6
|
{
"description": "wanting to report my staff - UK",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to report my staff - UK
|
OK so I run a smallish forecourt in the middle of nowhere too far from any city to get staff to want to join us. Of the staff I do have 3 are on benefits. 1 of these is in her 40s and had 6 kids, claims everything and has her full time working husband living with her (undeclared), so will not work extra hours and lose her 'pay'. The other 2 are a 50ish year old lady and her 24 year old daughter, who both work 20ish hours and refuse to do any extra as universal credit tops it up so it is 'not worth their time', they also have a council house and think it is unfair they cant get a bigger one!
I am a lefty liberal, but surely this is taking the piss, you should not be able to turn down work when you are claiming, especially as fully fit adults! But they rock up to the job center once a month and say there is no extra hours here for them . So when anyone is on holiday I am left to work 70-80 hour weeks on salary so no extra pay whilst they waltz off an claim on credit. AITA for wishing it was possible to report all of them to someone.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
8RcDL7SKxNdd8alx3J1XMnS5bb0cbchB
|
b1i0so
|
{
"description": "not letting my temporarily homeless brother stay with me and my girlfriend for a week",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
WIBTA if I didn't let my temporarily homeless brother stay with me and my girlfriend for a week?
|
So my girlfriend and I live in a thousand square foot apartment, and this morning my brother called asking to stay with us for a week. I told him I'd have to get back to him after talking to the gf.
My gf and I are 23 and 22. My brother is 32.
Recently he was kicked out of his house by his girlfriend and has nowhere to stay. My mom said he could stay with her, but she's out of town until at least the 21st. He'd be staying with us for six days.
I'm seriously torn here.
There are some pros and definitely some cons to letting him stay with us.
Pros:
* Although we're not very close, he's still my brother and it's probably the "right" thing to do.
* None of the guilt that comes with telling him no. I'm sure my dad would understand if I said no, but my mom is a notorious guilt-tripper and my brother seems to have picked some of it up as well. I'm not very close with any of them, but it would still hurt a bit to know they're mad at me.
Cons:
* We don't really have a lot of space. We have a bedroom he could use, but my gf keeps all of her clothes in there. She's not a big people person, so making her walk around him sleeping at 6:30am for her clothes every morning for six days is a huge ask.
* I'm worried about the strain it'll put on my relationship with my gf. As I said, she's not big on people. Especially people she doesn't know that well staying in her home for extended periods. It doesn't feel right to subject both her and I to the kind of stress it'll cause.
* My brother has a history of drug use, and while he has been clean for more than a year now, it's still hard to trust him completely to be alone in my apartment for so long. Some past experience with a different brother makes me even more anxious about this.
* This last one is kind of petty, but we had plans to have some out of town friends come down this weekend and most likely spend the night. And I really don't want him here when they come down.
I'm leaning toward telling him no, but I still need to talk to the gf about it all. But if I do tell him no, I don't know what other options he has. I know he has a decent job, and I think he might have a bit of money, so maybe he could stay in a motel or something?
I don't know.
Help me Reddit. Am i the asshole? Should I help a family member who is down on their luck? Or should I do what causes the least amount of stress in my own life?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
TmPDso26s6uiGWSZ7GfD7jA25PPMt3Oa
|
ane6xq
|
{
"description": "not telling my lady friend that she was using the dog's toothbrush",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not telling my lady friend that she was using the dog's toothbrush?
|
It's the morning after, and naturally she wants to freshen up before we both head out for the day. Since I have quite a bit of extra toiletries, like the disposable ones from traveling, I tell her to help herself to whatever she needs while I get ready.
All's well and I hear the sink running, so I assume she's found what she need. Until a few minutes later when I hear
"This is such a cool brush. I never seen anything like this before"
And in her mouth, scrubbing away was my dog's brush. Now there isn't any markings or anything that would indicate that the brush was for a dog; just a metal shaft with the brush head. However the brush head looks nothing like a normal brush, it's two pronged with the bristles facing inward.
At this moment I'm not really sure how to bring it up. I don't want to embarrass her. She keeps gushing on about it, looking so proud with herself. And the deed's already done. So I don't. Just nudged her back to the bathroom and tell her to wash up because breakfast is ready.
Should I have said something?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
N9sUK1SVQN8R0qjug1BnaWy2qFEuYM7K
|
aq0p82
|
{
"description": "accidentally sexting a mentally ill teenager- his girlfriend says I'm a kiddy fiddler",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for accidentally sexting a mentally ill teenager- his girlfriend says I’m a kiddy fiddler
|
First time poster, here!
OK. I met this kid on a psychiatric ward last year. I’m bipolar (it’s not a big deal anymore, been in and out of hospital for years) and he was in with ADHD and drug-induced psychosis. In hospital all ages and backgrounds socialise and bond so it’s quite normal to find yourself hanging out with people you’d never know IRL.
We’d been out of hospital a while and he caught me on Fb messenger. He told me he’s now dating the hot healthcare assistant who worked on the ward and that she begs for his cock night and day. She’s about 26, and stunningly attractive so I figured improbable, illegal (there must be a law against staff hooking up with patients, surely?) and basically wishful thinking.
He started telling me about his new job in construction. We always enjoyed making shit dirty puns when we were in hospital so, when he started boasting about his “mighty piledriver”, I chuckled and asked him if he had a decent helmet.
I’m not a sexy lady. I’m naive and enthusiastic, like a Labrador. But I can do innuendo very happily- I always loved the Carry On movies.
We talked about handling tools, filling holes, releasing heavy equipment, filler, some lower quality stuff about cable ties and webbing, erections... you get the idea. Periodically he said “don’t stop” and “this is so hot” but i just thought it was part of the fun.
I am so immature.
Imagine my shock when he sent me a pic of him finishing himself off, followed by “that’ll be our dirty little secret then”
A teenager. Ugh. I was so grossed out I actually cried.
But now his girlfriend has messaged me. Implausibly, he really is with the nurse. She has seen the convo. She called me a sad, fat, old slag and a perv. She said I was abusing a young and vulnerable mentally ill person and that I deserved to go to hell for it. She had a go at me for inciting her boyfriend to cheat and said their relationship was true love and I tried to tear them apart. She’s blocked me from his account and threatened to post screenshots to my insta. She says I am an asshole.
Of course she’s quite a bit older than him and has abused her position of power, and I had no idea the little perv was fiddling with himself.
And I do have a major mental health problem that is being exacerbated by the stress and humiliation.
Anyways... AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
PtaWWV37oKhzn7ZY06umMQBTPfJoiDDM
|
b759r3
| null |
AITA was I petty
|
So for the past few month these two girls have been bothering me calling me their bestie it was annoying because I've never really talked to them I ignored them at first bit they started to make condescending comments about my appearance and the way I am in general I told them to stop trying not to explode because I can get mad easily and turn aggressive but they continued done what I could so me and a good friend who had been watching them reported to the teacher one got moved and the other called me a petty snitch I smirked and said you're sounding like a 4th grader then she was moved later she confronted me saying that I have been lying about the whole thing and that she only said hi and that im childish I said wait are you really this stupid I know I probably made it worse but I was trying to hold my self from punching her hideous face she wouldn't leave me but I managed to get away I told my story to someone and they said I sounded like a bitch I've tried my hardest not to bring violence to the situation but what do you guys think
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
WRONG
|
tu2AL1zdaUpWI7O9Ft4mcWdlYtJDTHR8
|
a32rcr
|
{
"description": "wanting to have a baby with my husband while we go through couples counseling",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 32
}
|
AITA for wanting to have a baby with my husband while we go through couples counseling?
|
My husband and I work hard and are self employed- we own a fitness studio. After 8 yrs of hard work the place is successful, we have a fabulous core of families and employees.... we often call it our Other Family.
Now my husband and I have been having issues in our marriage and while we are currently separated we have been going to couples counseling and seem to be on our way to reconciling. This has happened a year and a half ago only last time I initiated the separation, this time he did.
At the time of our separation we had been trying to conceive for about a year. This was after YEARS of me saying I did not want children but over time, especially after watching the kids at the studio grow up, I decided I was ready. Man, they do not joke around when they say your biological clock kicks in! Problem is I have been having a hard time conceiving naturally so I have (willingly) submitted myself to many many tests, done endless amounts of tracking, peeing on sticks, crying in subs like r/TTC and r/infertility, the works.
When my husband initiated the separation he said he did not want children with me. We both have anger issues and I smoke more weed than I would like. These are things I’m actively changing and am going to individual therapy to address.
Yesterday in couples counseling he says he would like to wait for about 6 months to a year before trying to conceive again. Yes I know that in a perfect world that would make sense. I am 28 yrs old. That means I could be 29 by the time we start trying. Who knows how long we would have to try for? How old will I be? My uterine lining will only get worse.
I have also wanted to look into adoption but that process also takes about 2 years and so we would have to get started NOW. I don’t want to be in my mid to late thirties with a toddler. I want to have the energy to do this stuff now.
I would like to start trying to conceive as soon as my husband moves back in which will be in a couple of weeks. I think we could do counseling and therapy IN PARALLEL to trying to make a baby.
AITA for wanting to try to have a baby AND continuing to work on the marriage at the same time? He thinks we have to focus on one, I say life is short let’s do both. I worked so hard at our studio and now we have our Other Family. But now I would like to work on our immediate family.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 32,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 32
}
|
WRONG
|
b49J1SRHH297DfkG6hSHbCAuWH4Zlmc1
|
b6s4lk
|
{
"description": "not including a classmates name as part of an assignment for credit",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not including a classmates name as part of an assignment for credit?
|
Im in a group with three other people besides myself. We were recently assigned an extra credit question to answer and email in where we had to also include a two paragraph explanation for our answer. We could work individually or within our group. One of the guys texted the group chat with his answer and so did one girl. I told them that I got the same answer and since I already wrote the explanation, that they could just read over what I wrote and fix anything if needed, then I would send it in with our names. I told them to give me their emails so I could send it to them. The third group guy (The Leech) who hasn’t contributed in any way and hasnt replied to any of our texts suddenly just replies with his email and nothing else. I respond to him asking for the answer he arrived at. He replies that he didnt do it at all so he doesn’t have an answer. The extra credit assignment is due tomorrow and Im tempted to just turn it in with three of our names on it and leave out the Leech’s name. Would that be an as*holish thing to do? It may sound petty, but this dude has been riding my coattails the entire semester, I know he wouldve failed the course already if he hadnt asked for my help repeatedly, but I draw the line at handing out free points without him even doing any work.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
KC2mJEAxKfUFMvUFgK4G0eR3KWZWykPR
|
aj4m95
|
{
"description": "wanting new roomie to help pay for utility installation",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting new roomie to help pay for utility installation?
|
Gonna keep this short. New roomie moved his stuff in early December, stayed in the house about a week and then went to his parents for the holidays
While he was gone we had to get the water re-installed as the last roomie- whose spot the new guy took- cancelled it (it was in his name).
I pick up the cost and venmo the house for their share of the fee. Everyone pays me back immediately except for new roomie.
His complaint is that he wasn't living here in December, thus he doesn't have to pay
This guy has also bitched about paying for electricity when one of our roomies charges his tesla at home, calling it 'unfair' (even though the guy almost never charges it at home). He hasnt left the greatest impression with me so I need an outside opinion
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
4gqYAVbAusgJw4HuTKpSs8ctiVcGIKsK
|
akz6bu
|
{
"description": "telling my two best friends to quit being so intimate, and for not telling my best friend's girlfriend she's being cheated on",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my two best friends to quit being so intimate, and for not telling my best friend's girlfriend she's being cheated on?
|
I imagine this post is going to seem weird to a lot of people, but I'm part of a very small but very close friendship group, there's me (M), my housemate (V) , and a girl we've known for years (A).
A is over our house almost everyday, and for the last few months A and V have been getting worryingly close; they'll cuddle into each other on the sofa, playfight, flirt etc. It's very difficult for me to watch, because these guys are my best friends, and V has a girlfriend, who is totally infatuated with him. She's also a very very lovely girl who absolutely does not deserve to have her first boyfriend do this to her.
There's far more going on, and I know far more than they think I do; I know that V's explicitly told A that he wants to fuck her at least once, and I know nudes have been exchanged. A knows I know, V does not. Other far weirder things have happened too, but I won't get into that.
With all of this in mind, when A came over again the other day I called them out. I told them to think of V's girlfriend above anybody else. I confronted A about it and told her that it makes me uncomfortable, and they haven't done it since.
V's girlfriend has no idea, of course. She has every right to know, but I'm just not prepared to go behind both my best friends' backs like that, especially since V's gf and I aren't close at all.
Both V & A have severe depression too, and A's told me that the guilt of this situation coming out will be enough to tip V over the edge and make him kill himself; I don't know if she's bluffing or not, but I really don't want to take the chance.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
jnV4iEVDabbfIydYszRMFhM9cphqZYs2
|
ba6j6w
|
{
"description": "not letting my girlfriends dog live with us in the apartment",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
WIBTA for not letting my girlfriends dog live with us in the apartment?
|
I have been living in and renting an apartment of my own for 2 months now and have never wanted her dog to live with us. I also stated this beforehand because she fails to look after it and forgets about it most of the time. Since me and my girlfriend have been living together the dog has also been living with us and I have taken up the responsibility of cleaning after it and making sure it has its water changed every day and also that there's food in its bowl.
​
Now she'll forget it's spent 3 days at the vet before I remind her that it's still there, never walks it and never does anything for it except tell me how its 'her son' when I tell her she's not being responsable for it. Furthermore, I don't like dogs in the house but she insists that its an 'in-house dog' and for that reason there's constantly dirty marks on the floors.
​
Bottom line is that she's not accountable for it, never. So, would I be the arsehole if I told her that I don't want the dog living with us anymore?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
hIaTzQhMvUj7M3NqMMQEhv82ggVx0dra
|
ahufyf
|
{
"description": "telling my parents my Sister went to Mexico",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for Telling My Parents My Sister Went to Mexico
|
**So some revelent background information before I get to the meat of the matter:**
My sister is 18 yo and is in her first year of university. She went pretty wild her first semester and is looking to pledge for a sorority next semester. She asked my parents if she could go on a cruise to mexico with her friends, they told her no, she said okay and that conversation was over.
​
**What happened:**
She posted some drunk photos of herself topless in Cancun, Mexico, on Instagram. The location name was embedded in the photo on the top. One of my friends, who follows her, sent me a photo of her saying: "Wow you're sister really went crazy her first year". This was about an hour after she posted it. I did some digging around and apparently she had mentioned to one of my friends that she would be going to mexico, about a week ago. Also apparently a lot of my friends follow her on instagram.
​
**The Snitching:**
At this point I'm very confident she indeed is in mexico. A couple of things run through my mind:
1. She's with a bunch of older guys she's known for less than a semester.
2. My sister is easily peer pressured and will go to great lengths to fit in with whatever group she's hanging out with.
3. No one fucking knows shes in Mexico.
4. She has mom's credit card.
5. She drinks a lot of alcohol and gets drunk very quick.
I found myself in a very uncomfortable spot. If anything happened to her (getting taken advantage of, alcohol poisoning, getting in trouble with the law, etc.) I would be partially responsible, since I knew where she was and didn't let anyone know. On the other hand I'm one of the few people she confides in and trusts, and also her brother *(I'm 22 yo, we're 4 years apart*).
​
So I spilled the beans to my parents. Lots of punishments are on their way.
​
**AITA?**
​
Should I have minded my own business? I'm always true to my word and I've never spilled a secret someone's asked me to keep. Even though she never shared her intention to go to Mexico with me, I know she will feel betrayed. My sister's relationship with my parents is already kinda shaky, will this just drive her away more? These are the thoughts I'm wrestling with.
​
I know for sure there could have been a better way to handle this. I am not proud of my decision nor do I think I know what's best for her. Thank you for reading.
​
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
jREFxZeKpDMjl2E8gbngz5m8MWhrArxb
|
a5rq9b
|
{
"description": "siding with my sister over my mom",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for siding with my sister over my mom
|
My mom recently moved from home to live with my sister in California. My sister attributes it to my mom wanting to get away from her ex. My mom says she wants to start a new life.
My mom has been living there for about 2 months and everything is going fine. It all started when they moved to Texas to be closer to my sister's husband's family and my brother.
My sister is pissed because she claims all my mom does is stay in the room all day and texts her ex. She is mad because my mom doesnt even want to play with her daughter and would rather talk to her ex. The same ex my mom is on and off with over the years and would complain about her to us, her kids every so often.
My mom says that she doesnt want to stay with my sister because she is too controlling and talks too much it is stressing her out. (I agree that my sister could get a bit too much at times)My mom says she wants to start working but requires a physical address. My sister found a place with her friend for 300 a month, my sister's friend just asks that my mom not stay some weekends so she could have alone time with her son. My sister offered for my mom to stay the weekends. My mom doesnt want it and to find a different place because she doesnt want to stay with her daughter and just live on her own. Note, my siblings and i will be paying for the place until my mom gets a job and could pay for herself and we are not exactly rolling in money. My sister's husband recently got let go from his job and they've been living off their savings.
My sister and mom got into a screaming match this morning because my mom didnt want to go to her in-laws wedding and would rather look for a job. My mom is currently in a hotel for the night.
Am i the asshole for thinking my sister is in the right?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
rZScBweuxEV0I9petR1f6yrjYCAoplE5
|
b3zhch
|
{
"description": "wanting to end the relationship",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to end the relationship?
|
I met this guy this past fall and we quickly became friends. A couple months later, he confesses that he has feelings for me and "can't help but see us ending up together." I did not even slightly share the feeling. With this, he requested space to get over those feelings. He wanted to hang out slightly less, but also requested physical space since I'm very physically affectionate. I was fine with that.
5 months later and our relationship had been seemingly back to normal. He is aware that I am happily dating someone and supportive of the relationship. He's been there for me through many depressive episodes & life changes. He never again articulated any discomfort or feelings. But this past Saturday, we went to a party. Then he calls on Tuesday to express his discomfort about my behavior during the party.
According to him, my physical affection during the party was inappropriate. He expressed two things that violated his boundaries: hugging him and doing things like touching his arm as I reached for a beer. He told me that he found it to be emotionally manipulative since I knew how he felt and he said he found it "creepy" because I did not have affirmative consent for these things and because I am in a relationship.
I was really taken back. No one has ever expressed discomfort from my affection prior and I try to be really conscious of body language and social cues as to what is acceptable. I would have never imagined a good friend of almost a year to react in that way or else I never would have done it.To suggest I was purposefully trying to toy with him or that I would be unfaithful is really hurtful to me. I told him this and asked why he didn't say anything at the party to which he responded that he didn't want to make a scene and that "I would never fault a woman for not saying something if she was touched in a way she didn't want.”
I apologized numerous times over for making him uncomfortable, but also expressed my offense at his perception of me as emotionally manipulative, creepy, or unfaithful. I don't understand why he'd want me as a friend if he truly believed that, and I can't help but feel like he's blowing this out of proportion because he's uncomfortable handling his own feelings towards me (and thus making me the responsible party for him having feelings). If so, I don't think this friendship will ever be happy or healthy for us.
I told him how hurt I was by how he was describing me. And told me that he is imperfect and makes mistakes and doesn't always say things the right way, but continued to essentially say the same thing over again to me.
I want to do the right thing. I want to own if I made a mistake and do better, but I also have a gut feeling that he isn't a good friend to keep despite months of being a good friend to me. Did I just royally fuck up? Am I crazy for thinking this is his problem that he's making mine? Should I not be offended? If I choose to end our friendship now, am I just an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
sMysQl5HFUIeGK8BYwouQ6OGqSjsJEjG
|
aoobk9
|
{
"description": "expecting my roommate to pay a share of the internet bill even if she wasn't around to use it",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I expect my roommate to pay a share of the internet bill even if she wasn't around to use it?
|
My roommate has been away for most of the billing period of the internet and thinks he shouldn't have to share the bill with us. I would agree if it was a usage based bill such as water or electricity, but because internet is a flat rate (like rent) I think he should still have to pay it. AITA if I suggest this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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