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pO6aMQqQ4pzaazbWYEOQEJ9XWl1CFZoG
|
b93we3
|
{
"description": "kicking a player out of a 5e campaign before it started due to his character",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA if I kicked a player out of a 5e campaign before it started due to his character?
|
I've been trying to run a campaign with a group of friends I've known for a few years and one of them kept making joke characters because he is, in his own words, a "noob".
These characters included the "piss lord" half-elf, the unbelievably illiterate dragonborn, and the upcoming orc named Kerhs Eht Ergo(Shrek The Ogre).
I'm getting tired of this and have tried to confront him about that stated above along with his increasingly bad behaviour at the table. He finds it funny and breaks well established house rules, taking 1d4 damage when derailing everything for more than a few minutes, but the others enjoy him being there and I don't want to upset them.
Other incidents that occur with him typically involve having anyone with the Entertainer background joke incessantly about them being prostitutes, him saying he'd be a better DM without anything to back up this claim, and the player in question throwing his weight around because he owns the discord server we all use for convenience.
I've acted like an asshole a few times when chewing him out and he knows how I feel about this. Even if he does play, I've warned him and every other player about the new material I'm planning on using. It's Tomb Of Annihilation, and I've told everyone that "at least one person might die, maybe" in order to get across how dangerous everything will be in the campaign.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
46fOJGDmQygQXp2I3I9MwCIcxHzarWMb
|
b2zsbr
|
{
"description": "asking my roommates to help keep the apartment clean, and to keep themselves clean",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
Wibta : For asking my roommates to help keep the apartment clean, and to keep themselves clean?
|
Recently two of my friends moved across country to where I live, under the pre tense that I would let them stay with me and my roommate for awhile until they got on their feet. However when they finally arrived my then current roommate (roommate a) sprang on all of us out of nowhere that he was leaving the lease and that it would be “ok” because the two friends would just cover his part of the lease. Ultimately the two have stayed we’ll call them roommate b and his girlfriend roommate c. When they arrived they were rather smelly, they came from a less privileged area so it didn’t bother me I assumed once they’d had time to clean their clothes etc it wouldn’t be an issue. However as time went on their hygiene wasn’t up to standard, roommate c the male often skips showers and has an unpleasant odor around him, which tends to spread to the couch and throw pillows. When they first arrived they were both rather active in maintaining the apartment and would help clean regularly, however now after about a month that has grinded to a halt, and they do almost no cleaning whatsoever now. I have asked on rare occasions for them to clean their dirty dishes out I.e. dirty cooking pot with dried beans etc, so that I can cook dinner for everyone (I’m also the cook) and though they begrudgingly do so, I end up having to go re wash them myself because they aren’t clean. I also ask for what I feel are simple things, small pet peeves of mine, like keeping the toilet seat and cover down, which still seems like an impossible task for them. They will also leave food all over the kitchen so that it dries up or gets stale, and I’m forced to watch over it as if they were children. My girlfriend also lives with us, and she by nature avoids and hates conflict, even assertive non aggressive conflict that I give. So she gets upset with me that I ask our roommates to help take care of things. The roommates also seem to use her as medium to vent their frustrations towards me, and tell her how it frustrates them when I ask them to do these things.
My roommates do however contribute groceries though mostly the food is for themselves some of it I use to make dinner for the house.
My roommates will also be having their furniture from their home delivered soon, I know that their old home was infested with cockroaches and the sort, so I told my girlfriend that when it gets here I would want to personally inspect everything before it comes into the apartment and at minimum spray the furniture with febreze to minimize the invasive smells that would permeate my living space. She got upset with this proposal and said it would incredibly rude. So reddit, would I be the asshole?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
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|
RIGHT
|
UWzoCh4acntfLxqx2Zl2q1OvLCzlDiMS
|
atskg1
|
{
"description": "verbalizing exactly what I expect (plus boundaries, rules, etc) from a potential boyfriend/husband on the first date",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for verbalizing exactly what I expect (plus boundaries, rules, etc) from a potential boyfriend/husband on the first date?
|
I recently got out of a long relationship and now I’m back on the market. I’m 28F and looking for something serious, yet none of my dates have gone beyond the first or second date and it’s frustrating.
I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. My friends think I’m being too “needy” but I think I’m actually doing the complete opposite. I’m 100% honest with the men I meet about what I want, who I am, what I expect in a relationship or potential partner. I’ve been hurt before and I’ve been trapped in abusive situations with losers and I’m not looking to waste my time with boys, basically.
So now I verbalize exactly what I want and what I’m looking for. I shut down unwanted advances and I don’t hold anything back if/when the date does something I don’t like. I figure it’s better he knows now than if we end up dating for a while and fight over predictable stuff.
AITA for being honest on early dates? I’m getting dejected because it seems impossible to find someone with the same viewpoint and desire to play no games. I’ve kept in contact with some nice men who I ended up befriending and they’re now all dating other women and I just don’t know why. I don’t know why they all end up turning me down for all sorts of reasons even though they’re looking for relationships too. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 4
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
3tTQw1G0sJLYUtxPKBO0GeplXkgjsYJG
|
b3nnt2
|
{
"description": "being upset at my bf",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 30
}
|
AITA for being upset at my bf
|
I got an email earlier today from an instructor saying that I hadn't turned in an assignment that was due during the final yesterday. I told her I did it and it was in my folder (a lie) but I just forgot to hand it in (another lie, but it's college, whatever). Then, I left for work. When I go on my first break, I notice she emailed me again and said she was deciding to be generous (she doesn't take late work, ever) and I should send her the assignment. I had to write a paragraph of reflection. I call my boyfriend who is home (we live together) and ask him to open my folder and send me a picture of the handout so I could do it on my lunch break. i do the assignment. I know that basically this assignment is the difference between a B and an A, that's how close my points were. I ask him to do the printing at home and snap a picture for me that I can email to my instructor before I go back to work to make it look like I did the assignment on time and genuinely pulled it out of my folder and took a picture.
"Later", he tells me. It's already 7pm and I don't know when my instructor's generosity is going to run out. I tell him, why can't you just do it right now, it'll take 30 seconds. I tell him again, can you please just do it real quick so I get it out of the way, and he says "Later" again. At this point I hang up as I'm walking back into work from my break. I wait... no picture. I wait five minutes over my break for him to send it.
I'm working and we had a call out, so there was no way for me to (1) notice that he finally sent it to me and (2) even if I had noticed, I would not have been able to step aside to email it to my instructor. Finally, I get out of work around 9:50 and I check my phone and see he sent the picture to me around 8:45 (again, an hour after I initially asked him to do it), and then I see an email from my instructor saying grades are finalized. That email was sent at 8:30. I check my points, and I was five points away from an A. The assignment had been five points.
I come home crying bc my grade could've easily been an A and he comes to me asking what's wrong and I just push him away and blow up, saying that he didn't send it to me in time, and how hard was it to print out a paper and take a picture of it. I go to the bathroom so I can clean up and calm down. Basically, I was upset that he took an hour to send me a picture when it took maybe 30 seconds total.
I go into our room where he's just on his computer. I curl in bed and ignore him because I'm still incredibly angry and I can't talk if I'm angry because I'll just start crying, and he says nothing. Eventually, he gets off the computer and goes to the living room, still without saying anything to me. I got home at 10:10 and it's been two hours and I still haven't spoken a word to him, and he hasn't attempted to even apologize or even just talk to me or comfort me since I got home.
Am I the asshole for being angry at my boyfriend?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 22,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 30
}
|
WRONG
|
f1uPRfDvsG6rIOV8UO6AB5ctzHAmu0R8
|
a7fyry
|
{
"description": "getting really Sick of my friend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for Getting Really Sick of My Friend?
|
This fall has been a complete shitshow. Everybody in my friend group has been miserable at one point or another, and of course we are there for each other, but one friend, we'll call er "Marcy" is getting to be too much to handle. First off, insecurity in itself is not a big deal, my friend group is basically the bunch of insecure weirdos nobody else wanted, but Marcy shows her insecurity at any time she can. She writes about how things are terrible, she calls all of us constantly, sends us upwards of 10 messages an hour even if we don't respond, and is generally exhausting.
Marcy has been like this for about two months, mostly she has been insecure about her relationship, and her smoking, which is understandable. However, she always brings it up to the detriment of others. For example, I'm dealing with pretty severe physical/mental health issues, but every time I've tried to get advice she starts talking about her problems. She had a complete meltdown at my birthday party because she was angry at her BF, which I took in stride, but I'm getting seriously annoyed.
It would be one thing if me and basically everybody else weren't knee-deep in our own shit and drama, and if she didn't bug us constantly. I've replied and tried to console her every day from october up til last week when I just put her on mute, and started responding when I felt like it. It's really stressing me out, and everybody else is sick of it to. Her boyfriend, a close friend of mine basically broke down because she is getting to be impossible to be around.
AITA for being really sick of her? I love her as a friend, but I don't want to help anymore. I've tried, but I'm sick of it, and my health is already going to hell without this drama.
TL;DR: Friend is severely anxious and makes it my problem. She made my birthday party a scene for her to have a meltdown, she spams me and the other friends constantly and even her BF is getting nowhere with her. AITA for not wanting to care anymore?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
3Nx4oMW3suMTCxXsHphSOrxq0i7ibVih
|
af38fs
|
{
"description": "not answering the door when my MIL comes over",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not answering the door when my MIL comes over?
|
Long history with the MIL.. she used to live with us for years while the kiddos were little and it became a little too much for us to be under the same roof. She finally moved out last year about 10mins away. Because she lives so close, she comes over unannounced several times a week to pick up mail or give some treats to the kids.
Today I got home early from a shitty day at work and was alone in the house. I then hear the gate open.
I knew it was my MIL because she NEVER rings the door bell. She knocks on the door, “Open Up, it’s Mom”
I swear I duck low to the ground behind the couch and away from windows. You’d think I was hiding from a sniper.
She goes around and knocks on the back door and I don’t move or make a peep. After 15 mins or so, she finally leaves
My husband comes home an hour later and I ask him if his mom told him she was coming by. He said no. He calls her later and I could overhear the convo. She asks if he was home because my car was in the driveway and he says no he was at work. She asks a few more questions but I can feel in her voice that she knew I was home. My husband asks if I heard the doorbell and I said “no (it was true) I must have been in the bathroom.”
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
AhgEX8wEYlV8F7Milcz8TkYEP1ae6nrA
|
aqzoik
|
{
"description": "forgetting my wife's card",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for forgetting my wife’s card?
|
As is tradition for my wife and I, we exchange cards/gifts on Valentine’s Day in the evening. This year, we decided no gifts, just cards.
I was at work from 7-7 yesterday, however, a serious incident occurred, leading to attempted resuscitation (I work in a mental health unit) which was ultimately unsuccessful. As I was carrying out CPR, I happened to break one of my fingers (not bothered, but it’s important).
I had to wait at work for police to come and take a statement, complete all the paperwork which you can expect would come from an unexpected death, then tend the local a and e department as per work policy (I wanted to go home instead). Due to all of this, I didn’t get gone until about 1030 and just so happened to leave my wife’s valentines card at work in all the mayhem.
Wife is pissed, I offered to go into work today to get it and she could come with me so she knows I didn’t forget but she doesn’t want to. Now she’s not talking to me. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
2d42vruVrVcAqiCPqUaoJHzCLEomX2AW
|
aty8wz
|
{
"description": "getting in an argument with some people on a live my brother did for calling him gay",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
Aita for getting in an argument with some people on a live my brother did for calling him gay?
|
So, to start off, I'm a lesbian. I am not quite out yet, but I am out to my family. My mom told me to join my little brothers Livestream on Instagram, I guess just for fun. I joined, watched for a little while, them someone commented "ur gay (little brother)" I got confused and defensive, and said "don't say that dude", he proceeded to say, "you only have like 75 followers so" and I replied,"wow, so original", and so on. I got pretty frusturated, then my brother came into my room and asked me to stop. I told him it wasn't ok this kid was calling him gay. My mom came in and agreed I should stop. I was confused and frustrated. However, those kids were like 13, so it was silly, but yeah. Aita?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
Sqib5PlZCrRtFii8sgNqy6YVmRW4djUO
|
b9535g
|
{
"description": "treating my stepfamily like extended family at my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for treating my stepfamily like extended family at my wedding?
|
My parents got divorced awhile ago, and both got remarried when I was an adult. Both my stepparents have their own adult children. I like everyone and never had a problem getting along with them, but I never thought of my step relatives as being on the same level as my parents or siblings since I didn't grow up with them. I think of them as extended family, and that's how I treated them at my wedding.
I didn't think I was doing anything bad, but I found out that my stepdad and his kids are upset that they weren't included in the wedding like immediately family. I didn't include my stepdad or stepmom's names on the invitation or ask them to walk down the aisle with me and my parents. I wasn't trying to be deliberately exclusionary, they're just not my parents, so I didn't include them in those traditions. I also didn't ask any of my step siblings to be in the bridal party or have any role in the ceremony because we aren't that close and I don't feel like I have a sibling relationship with any of them.
I did include my stepfamily in photos, but not all of them. We took photos with different combos of people, including some with just my parents and just siblings. I included my stepfamily in photos that included extended family (aunts, uncles, and cousins) but not the parent and sibling photos. It never occurred to me to have my stepfamily in immediate family photos and I wouldn't have been comfortable including them in all the photos.
As far as I know, it's only my stepdad and his kids that are upset, not my stepmom and her kids. I don't really understand why they are upset at not being included at such a high level, since we aren't that close. I would think it was weird if one of my step siblings asked me to be a bridesmaid, or if my mom walked one of them down the aisle. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
JnipAyxw7m4yDkbWo3iSMHyfjGyRi6B6
|
b4x97f
|
{
"description": "wanting to keep the Dog",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for Wanting to Keep the Dog?
|
A month ago my fiancée told me she didn't want to get married anymore. We had been together for 3 years and engaged for 5 months with the wedding planned for August. Of course I was devasted but we ended on good terms and later after talking through her thoughts on things I saw her point. We always supported and loved each other but our interests and passions couldn't be more different. We'll both be happier in the long run this way.
Now for the AITA question, who should keep the dog? She's moving back in with her parents who are retired, who will be home all day, so even while she's at work he'll have company. They have a big backyard in the suburbs and have had dogs before and know how to care for them. I live in the city in a ground floor condo with a small back and front patio, but have two large off leash dog parks nearby. Both of us work, but I generally have longer hours than her, so I am gone from 7:30-5.
She's saying having a dog is too much work for one person and he could instead be home all day with people. She's also saying I'm putting my own interests above what's best for him (hence the asshole). My plan is to walk him for an hour in the morning at the dog park, have a dog walk walker come in at lunch and then take him to the dog park after work again. I'm fully willing to make this commitment for his whole life. I also love the outdoors and camping, and would be taking him with me all the time on weekends. He loves the woods and camping, but that's something she has no interest in, so he wouldnt have any experiences like that anymore.
We're sharing custody right now until we figure it out but that's not a solution we want long term. AITA for wanting to keep the dog even though he could be living in a house with a big backyard?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ENktWoVFnBDRlRBHbOTw20XhIDD4KCuI
|
b5i5gu
|
{
"description": "walking away from a sale when he changed the price half way through",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for walking away from a sale when he changed the price half way through?
|
I am in desperate need of a new phone and my contract is up so I went into the mall asked about their plans and what the cost of the phone on the plan was he told me it was $330 for the phone with the $80 plan he wrote it down for me and I told him that I was going to look around at some other store and their plans
In the end it was the $330 that sold me so I went back there and told him that I would take the phone so we start doing all of the stuff to get on a new plan and starts doing the paperwork then he goes oh the phone price is actually going to be $430 not $330 that I originally told you sorry
I asked him if he could lower the price because he did in fact tell me the other price even wrote the price down for me he said no
I told him to cancel the whole thing and I wasn’t going to get the plan or the phone
He looked so mad and said really that’s rude don’t be like that
I said sorry
Am I an asshole for walking out of the sale
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
7qgYHGZz2tPbRHKuIU9Mum9KsQBP4F0t
|
b1xu04
|
{
"description": "telling a buddy that no one wants his girlfriend to come to game night",
"pronormative_score": 84,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I tell a buddy that no one wants his girlfriend to come to game night?
|
My group of friends have a once a month game night. It’s mostly just the five of us getting drunk, playing cards or board games, and catching up. It’s probably sad, but it used to be the highlight of my month.
One of my friends has a girlfriend who for the last four times has tagged along. None of us minded when he first asked if she could come, but she’s made these get together completely un enjoyable.
She’s nice enough I guess, but she’s insanely annoying. She always has to be the center of attention. She talks about herself and her opinion almost nonstop and she’s really not that interesting so it doesn’t make for good conversation. If someone is talking, she will interrupt and find a way to bring it back to her. If the person keeps talking she will just talk over them. I’ve sat there and watched her do it and raise her voice on purpose just to be louder than the person talking.
Another thing that’s been awkward for me personally is that she tries to make me a stereotype. I’m gay. I’m not the “gay bff” type of guy though. Yet she keeps trying to make me into hers. She’s always getting weirdly touchy feely with me. She tries to have “girl talk” with me. One time she learned that I was going out to a gay bar and shows up uninvited and basically followed me around and ruined my entire night. I’ve tried to be tactful with her since she’s my buddy’s girl, but she does not get the hint. One time I went so far as to tell her that I don’t have any female friends because I just really only get along with guys (lie), but in one ear and out the other.
No one except her boyfriend wants her there. The rest of us have all talked about it. None of us like her. We just don’t know how to tell him. I’m a rip the bandaid off kind of guy and just want to take him out for a beer and tell him. I would be nice about it. I already know the gist of what I would say. “The group dynamic has just changed with a girl in the mix. We’d like to make it a guys only night and maybe get together with you guys as a couple a different night. “.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 81,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 84,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
ha7PLKTlxpyAdSqZd4wHqstmNZj7EuUb
|
b00os8
| null |
AITA. Brother skipped school responsibilities and tried to get me to help.
|
So I’m your average theatre major, and had to go see a play at my college for my acting class (the play was Angels in America: Perestroika, a 4 hour long play). My older brother, who we’ll call George, was in a Intro to Theatre class, and had to see the play too. HOWEVER, he was not a theatre person, in fact, he probably hates theatre. He went to see the show with his girlfriend who I’m unsure of her opinion on theatre, and I go with my friends.
About 3/4 into the show, he and his girlfriend leave and don’t stick around to see the ending. He told me it was because his girlfriend had to leave and her parents didn’t how about them (not too sure what the whole situation was there), and since they carpooled, they both left. He also admitted that he wasn’t going to sit through a 4 hour play (REMINDER: he had to for a class, AND write a paper on it).
When he told me this, i was very disappointed with him for, what i think, disrespecting the actors and hard work by not sitting through the whole show. He said he’d just Sparknote the rest of the play (good luck with that) for the paper. He then asked me to tell him how the play and, which i refused to do.
He got more annoyed with me and insisted I tell him, even though he was going to find look up the ending himself. It got to the point that he raised his voice and said “What kind of faggot ass morality code are you upholding?” If you don’t know the play, it deals with a group of gay people during the AIDS crisis, so using “Faggot” is ironic here.
This really pissed me off, and i continued to give him the silent treatment, as he still told at me to tell him. Him saying Faggot was not an isolated incident, as he has used it to describe theatre in the past, and even used it towards me. Am I the Asshole?
TL;DR my brother left a play he was supposed to watch early and kept bugging me to tell him the ending, and went as far as to insult me and theatre as a whole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
CuPBdHLdvzuOTYs2d0NvLwMAZdQ60jvH
|
ay0q9w
|
{
"description": "trying to troll my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to troll my girlfriend?
|
Not as wild as some other posts here, but still..
btw; non-native speaker here, so sorry in advance
So i was in a relationship for almost 2 years at this point when the story happened.
My GF was staying at my place and in the morning i wanted to go get something to drink, since i had nothing in the house. To make it quick i took the bike instead of walking together with my GF, who wanted to watch Youtube on my TV anyways. So i asked her, what she wanted and she asked me if i could get her the red Arizona Iced Tea with the watermelon taste.
In the Shop i stood in front of the shelf with the Arizona bottles and grabbed the the red bottle she wanted.
then i took the flavour that i wanted (green tea with honey) and a few other things, paid and went back home
​
So on the way i was thinking about how to play a little trick on my GF for being a bit annoying the evening before, continuously poking me and hitting me with a pillow when i wanted to sleep
so when i arrived home i unpacked everything and took out my Arizona bottle first
"this is the one you wanted, right?"
and she looked at me with the SADDEST EYES IMAGINABLE
Like a starving puppy who witnessed me just butchering her whole family.
"no.. but that's okay too" she said and i immediately felt bad
so i pulled out the right bottle and gave it to her...
​
am i just a dick?
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aad26a
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"description": "not wanting to date a girl because I don't find her attractive but doing Friends with Benefits anyway",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not wanting to date a girl because I don't find her attractive but doing Friends With Benefits anyway?
|
Some back story first. I was a 20 yo male virgin when I decided to get over my loneliness and socialise a bit. So I installed Tinder and a couple of days later was texting a girl. We were both unable to meet for a week so we just texted a lot and talked over call. I think she was really into me so I went along with things mostly because I'd never dated anyone and wanted to see how things go. Being rather immature I caught a few feelings for her before we even met and told her so.
We were going to do a movie date, but when we met, she didn't look much like her pictures and apart from that was much more overweight than she led me on to believe. Whatever little feelings I had for her and any sort of attraction disappeared then and there. I was kinda trapped with her in the theatre but I didn't want to spend 150 minutes sitting awkwardly with her. However she just leant in and kissed me when the movie started so I sucked it up and told her I didn't find her attractive but that she was a really nice person. She obviously felt pretty bad and I felt bad for being honest and it was dark and we somehow ended making out wildly for the whole movie. I know I shouldn't have done that but I'd never kissed anyone before and we were both really riled up from teasing each other all week. When we got out though, she must have thought everything was alright and was holdi g my hand though I didn't want to. I thought it would be really cruel to not hold hands with someone I'd just been making out with so I walked around with her for a couple of hours and left. When I got back I called her and explained that I shouldn't have kissed her and that I still didn't find her attractive but I did have a good tins with her today but we probably shouldn't do it again. I know, I'm stupid. She said it was okay and that she had a good time too.
Thst should have been the end of it. But I hadn't ever had the kind of emotional affection that I experienced over that last week and adding that with the physical affection I got that day, I couldn't forget it easily. My friends told me I'd gotten catfished and to move on, but I kept texting her and soon we mutually agreed to friends with benefits. I kept asking her to make sure she didn't have feelings but on one hand I had some sort of feelings for her and I was sure that she has some sort of feelings for me. Anyway we hooked up a few times but our relationship is almost like a normal one over text but our 'dates' are just sex. I don't think I'll ever be attracted to her enough to want to date her properly and she said what we have now is good. Am I an ass hole for doing any of this? I'm so confused.
|
HISTORICAL
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9z8w5r
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{
"description": "starting to fall out of love with someone but not telling them right away",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA if I started to fall out of love with someone but didn't tell them right away?
|
I visited an online friend a few months back when I started to have feelings for him. The trip just made those feelings stronger, so it was easy to say 'i love you' back and seemingly reciprocate the until-then unrequited feelings he had for me.
But as time went on after I went back home, distance took its toll and I started to question these feelings. I realized that there's a difference between loving how someone makes you feel and loving them for who they are, and that I fell for the former. I was left trying to evaluate him as a person over long distance. I still cared, but the feelings started coming in increasingly less frequent waves. Sometimes I did something like tell him I loved him back without really meaning it, which I seriously regret now. My 'rationale' was to keep it going until he came back in January, when we'd physically be in the same space again so I could make a better evaluation. Those inconsistent feelings were confusing; I couldn't tell if my doubts were valid or not.
So last week, he was talking about moving in with me again away from his abusive family when he asked if I even wanted him to still visit. I used to love the idea of him living with me, but at that point I wasn't really willing to do it (What the hell was i thinking, just letting 'I love you' after a few weeks and 'moving in together' after a month or so slide like I did?). So the truth came out about how the feelings have been slowly going away, and it hurt him. He said he was hurt over how I essentially lied, and now he's not talking to me
I could easily come up with reasons of how it's my fault, but I want to keep this neutral. Am I right in feeling this guilty over it?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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aj9asd
|
{
"description": "making jokes/comments about my roommate being sick",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for making jokes/comments about my roommate being sick
|
okay, so this just happened an hour or two ago so bear with me. i’m on my phone and have been drinking a little bit and need to know if what i did was wrong and or offensive and or however redditors may deem my actions.
Now, my roommate has been sick for... about a month or so. she has asthma and contracted bronchitis sometime in the middle of December. She went on a cruise bc her bf’s parents paid for her since cruises are relatively cheap, whatever. she gets back 8-9 days later, sick as a fucking dog. Exhausted her asthma and is taking a shit ton of medication. sometimes her coughing wakes me up in the night/morning.
Our relationship has been pretty good, we started living together July 2018 and haven’t gotten into a fight or anything aggressive like that. We joke around and roast each other often, if not daily. we’ve gotten close in the short time we’ve lived together and i do consider her a close friend. From what i understand there’s a general understanding of each others humor and up until now she hasn’t said anything about the way i joke around with her/there hasn’t been a problem with my humor. I’m the type of person who doesn’t really get offended by anything and have a thick skin for offensive jokes. i myself can be an offensive joker.
So she gets home i’m talking to her in her room and she starts coughing, you know, because of the exhausted asthma and bronchitis. i notice she’s not covering her mouth. so i go;
“Damn girl cover your mouth ya nasty”.
she responds with
“it’s my room”
and doesn’t say much after that from what i remember
now i don’t think much of it if anything bc i had been drinking a little tonight so nothing is really phasing me at that moment.
Her boyfriend comes over, she’s heating up some soup and then takes a napkin and coughs up a goober, folds it AND PUTS IT ON THE FUCKING KITCHEN TABLE. I was kinda -very- disgusted and was astounded that she had done that. i’m kinda a germaphobe when it comes to shit like that. So i say to her loudly , due to sheer shock
“girl, that’s fucking nasty get that off the kitchen table”
she says
“it’s in a napkin and i folded it”
me:
“dude, you have ejected something out of your body and is now on the kitchen table, that’s gross”
she looks at me and silently throws the tissue away, grabs her soup and leaves the kitchen, her and her bf walk into the living room, he kinda gave me a look, something like an eeeeeeh sort of deal. i can understand a social que when it’s staring me in the face so i follow her into the living room.
i asked her if she was mad and she said yes, because i had been coming at her the whole night and or a lot recently, by making comments about her being sick and used her coughing in her room as the example. she started sniffling and her eyes were watery.
when she said that i kinda got mad because if what i was saying was bothering her all she had to do was tell me. which is what i told her before because i do acknowledge that i can be offensive/intense at times and if anything i said bothered her then i would just stop joking about that thing. it’s just simple as that. but the issue is she doesn’t like confrontation and that was something we talked about last night.
I mean don’t get me wrong, i have horrible communication skills and it’s hard for me not to come across as aggressive/ angry when i’m trying express the issue i have with someone (childhood trauma yada yada). but i’ll let someone know if what they’re doing it’s hurting/bothering me in some way.
So after she said what she had to say, i went on the defensive side and said
“i’m sorry my half hearted joke affected you that much, i didn’t think it would. i won’t joke about it again if you feel so strongly about it”.
which was kinda passive aggressive, but in my defense i look at it as her being unable to communicate to me that she has an issue with something and then blows up on me bc she couldn’t tell me she had a problem with it in the first place.
I don’t want to be blown up on like that, it makes me feel like a bad person for not knowing how someone felt about something but i only know it’s a problem if you bring it up to me...
she hasn’t said anything to me and i don’t think she going to but her bf in passing made light conversation with me. and i passive aggressively changed my hulu password while they were using it because i was upset/got no closure/annoyed. but i pay for it so...
sorry for the grammar misspells and whatever the fuck, it’s late and i’m tired.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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aakb8e
|
{
"description": "yelling at some kids for not including my disabled daughter in play",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 102
}
|
AITA for yelling at some kids for not including my disabled daughter in play?
|
(I am asking on behalf of my partner as she was the one yelling - and she asked me to ask here - but for all intents and purposes to keep it simple assume it was me)
As i look out the lounge room window today i see a large caravan parked at the party house a couple of doors down. Don't have a problem with that as such. Then this afternoon i looked out the front door as my daughter typically likes to read on the outdoor setting on the veranda. Two kids being watched by their mum was playing ball in the cul de sac and my daughter was sitting on a chair watching them at the end of the driveway. I go in and tell my partner to go have a look at what is going on. He says he sees her at the end of the drive way and doesn't see the big deal.
So I yell out at the mother "Are you embarrassed to be seen with a disabled kid or something?" The mother was gobsmacked. Our daughter picked up the chair and brought it back to the front porch saying she would just read a book there instead.
Still no word from the mum as I yelled "It's just cerebral palsy, she isn't poisonous or anything", to which she storms off into the caravan slamming the door behind her. My daughter followed me inside then goes back outside where kids are playing and this time they included her. My partner thinks I overreacted by yelling.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
cs7fy4HMpDLZ7jy0NeGYN54jTKeovFdY
|
apyejo
|
{
"description": "defending a very racist joke said to a black person because of the context of it",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for defending a very racist joke said to a black person because of the context of it ?
|
This happened a while back but I just found this subreddit and I'm interested to hear your thoughts.
There was a post on r/tinder where a black girl messaged a guy saying " how dark is your humour " and he replied "it picks cotton" now obviously this is a very racist joke but I thought it was completely okay to say in this situation because the girl asked for dark humour and if you ask for dark humour you should expect all kinds of dark humour and not cherry pick the ones that offend you and say the rest are fine but those aren't and so this was a fine joke to say in this situation, AITA ?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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WSqbhdJmW5cHiS8HrNM2IK1jo4ODFwMw
|
b40xpr
|
{
"description": "wanting to spend time alone away from my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to spend time alone away from my girlfriend
|
So my gf and I just got back from a 5 day trip to Vegas. The trip was just me and her, so we pretty much spent every hour of the past 5 days together. Tonight, I told her I don’t want to sleep over her place as I want to just hang out by myself at my apartment for the night. I enjoy my alone time to play video games, watch movies, etc. but she doesn’t see that as a valid reason to not want to sleep with her. Her reasoning is that we won’t be together the next couple days because my roommates (who are currently out of town) will be back tomorrow, and I’m going to want to hang out with them since I haven’t seen them in a while. AITA for not wanting to sleep with her?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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YdN7d6NhcCl49la0uYbDC8Ovyxt8465X
|
b5rtbw
|
{
"description": "calling out my \"friend's\" bs",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling out my “friend’s” bs?
|
(Sorry for any grammar mistakes.)
So there’s this girl, let’s call her Sofia (obviously not her actual name), she’s my ‘friend’ and she’s incredibly toxic, or so I think.
She has slagged me off behind my back on many occasions, turned half my year against me and when I asked her to stop she denied doing it (I have many witnesses and a recording). Whenever I call her out for it, I get called mean and ‘discriminating against her mental illness’.
The thing is, I have all but one of the mental illnesses that she has claimed to have, but whenever I act out (even slightly) I’m yelled at.
I did an experiment, I ignored someone the whole day (like she does daily), the backlash I got stopped me from going to school for the next week. She only got reprimanded.
She then starts a HUGEEE argument about essentially nothing and rips my friends apart. So I did what I had to do, I sent a long paragraph to her (explaining why I didn’t want to be friends). Here is it below:
“Listen, I’m not trying to start an argument I just need to get this off my chest. I know you slagged me off behind my back. The things you said about me are true about you. You ‘smoke’ and ‘drink ‘alcohol’’ and then brag about it. I have stopped myself from snapping at you many times. I’m fed up of toxic people and I’m kinda hope that you won’t really be hanging round us anymore. You spread lies to [friend] and because of that I am losing a great person to hang around with at break and lunch. Ik you’ll be mad at this but I’m trying to get rid of this overwhelming feeling of you getting what you wanted. You either start arguments or continue it and then get annoyed when people argue back, what did you think would happen. Yes I will reblock you after this but you should know that you really need to change your attitude. You forget that things have consequences and complain when something you did bounces back at and then blame it on me. You need to sort your life out. Now, goodbye.”
My friends (again) said that I was being rude and discriminating. I need to know, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
9yq738
|
{
"description": "ruining my bfs mood because of hormones",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for ruining my bfs mood because of hormones
|
So, some context for this, I am usually a very happy and positive person. However, every now and then I get struck by terrible pangs of sadness and feeling shit about myself. I've always thought this was normal for women because of hormones.
Thoughts of how I don't deserve my bf, how I hate the way I look and how I'm a amounting to nothing in my life.
Usually they creep up before a period so I can almost assume they are positively correlated. However they do go away after my period and I forget about them.
So, today the morning went like this; I wake up first and in the shower I have all these negative feelings come. I don't know how to deal with them so I just stay silent hoping I will fade into the wallpaper whilst doing my makeup later and he won't notice but because I am usually so happy the change is noticible by my bf immediately.
Straight away he asks what's up and I just replied saying I didn't want to go to work with a smile as I usually say that this in a more lighter note. From then he knows something is wrong and goes silent on me. Our drive to work is silent until he asks why I'm feeling sad. I say I'm sorry but it's the negative feelings again and that I know they're irrational but I can't help them and they'll go soon. He just stayed silent. I get scared to tell him because he doesn't react well to me being sad. I asked if it affects him when these feelings come and he said yes it makes him feel bad.
I just stayed silent. I feel awful for something that I feel I can't control making him feel bad and then there is this tension between us. Sometimes he makes me feel like I should be happy all the time and I should never feel sad at all but to me that isn't normal? I'm so confused. AITA, should I get help or look more into these negative feelings?
Sorry this is the first I've spoke of this and now it's falling into an advice seeking/asshole post but still I wanna know if I'm the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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ahiec7
| null |
AITA: My Friend was Madly in Love with my Current Girlfriend
|
So
A bit of context: I have a large friendship group (all early 20s) which I didn't see much for a few months, and she had recently joined right after I left.
One of my friends used to be madly in love with my current girlfriend (of 2 years) before I met her.
I have to make clear that she was not interested at all - my gf isn't the type to yell at someone but she did make clear that she didn't like him and it wasn't going to happen. I think in his mind he thought if he was persistent enough, it would happen.
He was completely infatuated, to the point where the comments and passes he made at her would just make her and everyone around uncomfortable.
When I came back and first met her, I did like her. We vibed well, same sense of humour, etc. But I didn't want to piss my friend off by asking out a girl he practically loved.
6 months later I didn't put it off anymore and we started dating. We didn't make it public to our friendship group because we didn't want to step on toes or become a gossip piece.
When my friend found out, he was understandably upset and pretty visibly hurting. He never approached me as he isn't the confrontational type but you could tell. He's one of the kindest guys I've ever met and I feel bad that he got hurt, but I don't feel bad about my actions.
My friends gave mixed feelings on it:
- Some think I did my mate wrong by going out with a girl that he pretty much loved.
- Some think my friend was in the wrong as it was made clear to him that she wouldn't have the same feelings.
My question is:
Was it wrong for me to pursue a girl that my friend was in love with but who didn't reciprocate those feelings for him?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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|
amo9oc
|
{
"description": "chastising a disabled person on public transport for ignoring social norms",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for chastising a disabled person on public transport for ignoring social norms?
|
Where i’m from, it’s custom to let people exit the train / bus / public vehicle before boarding and also respect the queue order. I carried heavy bags and positioned myself early at the station during a busy time of the day. The doors open and out of nowhere comes this man, climbing past me - mind you, there was hardly any space - and running straight into / against the crowd that were leaving the train. He fights his way in and then slams himself on the next available seat. At this point it’s worth mentioning that we were not competing for that seat as i was going to stand anyways and there was plenty of space after everyone had left. But i made a snide remark about his behavior upon which he pulls the ‘i’m disabled’ card. Apparently, his left hand got shredded 7 months ago, to which i replied that i was sorry about that but that it was a poor excuse. Of course other passengers listened in, but it wasn’t until the next stop that a women - just before she left - told me i’m an asshole over the shoulder. Am i the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
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|
ahjqrj
|
{
"description": "accidently throwing away my sister's phone charger and refusing to pay for a replacement",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for accidently throwing away my sister's phone charger and refusing to pay for a replacement
|
My sister had just come back from hanging out with her friend and brought back her leftovers from McDonalds where they ate. She finished her leftovers at the dinner table and left behind her trash all over the table while she went to lay down on her bed and use her phone. I cleaned up the table because she really did make a huge mess. I throw out all the garbage (which means that I took it outside to the dumpster).
About an hour later I see her looking in the trash and I ask her what she's looking for. She says that she is looking for her phone charger and all I say is that I don't know where it is. She then asks me if I threw out everything that was on the table (which should have been obvious since the table was cleared of her mess) to which I respond with a simple yes. She then begins to yell at me and berate me because she left her charger in her McDonalds bag. I apologize, but I also tell her that she shouldn't have left something as important as a phone charger in her trash. She keeps screaming at me and continues to berate me. She also demands me to go outside, reach into the dumpster and grab the trash bag, bring it upstairs so she can look for the charger, all during a snowstorm that had just started. I tell her that she must be crazy if she thinks that i'm going out there in the cold and rummage through the dumpster and that she should go look for it herself if she wants it so badly. She gets more mad and punches me as she goes to her room.
The next morning she goes outside to look for it, but the garbage truck had already come and collected the trash. She wakes me up by screaming, punching me, and demanding me to buy her a nee charger. I push her off of me and tell her to buy it herself and to not be so careless with her stuff.
My Dad is telling me that I should buy her the charger since it was ny fault, but my mom is telling me the opposite.
Am I truly the asshole in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
36wH1WqyUsTq7Eo7WLtjwIJc1cyx4G8y
|
as1jmz
|
{
"description": "calling my sister a polar bear",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling my sister a polar bear?
|
Obligatory this happened a few months ago and sorry for formatting I'm on mobile...
Just some background... My sister was skinny for most of her life but now that she is out of college.. She has gained some weight and is really self conscious about it. One night, we were going to dinner and she came out with a white, puffy, faux fur sweater. Without thinking, I said that she looked like a polar bear. I didn't mean it because she's fat, just because her sweater looked like polar bear fur but everyone looked at me like I had just killed someone.
Months later, my mom still brings it up to me about how bad that was to say but I honestly didn't mean it to be rude... Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
a2tlir
|
{
"description": "not wanting my boyfriend to spend time with another girl",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting my boyfriend to spend time with another girl?
|
(this is my 3rd AITA question and I've noticed theres so much going on in my life, like wtf)
Okay, so first of all, I've been with my boyfriend for 3 ½ years now, we're a great couple in my opinion and I really love him to the moon and back and he does the same.
There's this girl he knows from his sports club and they're kind of good friends, which I am completely okay with (who am I to tell him whom he can befriend and whom not?). But she has told him that she feels more than just friendship for him. And that's the point that kind of annoys me. I mean, he has turned her down saying he has a girlfriend and she also accepts that but there's still this feeling in my gut. I'm not very proud that I'm so jealous.
I really try to stay calm when he talks about her and I always manage to smile and not say anything bad about it, even though it rips me apart internally. I'm really trying to abandon this kind of feeling, because I know that by boyfriend would never cheat on me and I also know that the other girl wouldn't start anything with him (I've met her in person and she's super chill and friendly).
But the general jealousy will not go away and it makes me feel like I'm being a real asshole about it.
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HISTORICAL
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a8b8ky
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{
"description": "asking my fiancé to exclude his brother our wedding party",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for asking my fiancé to exclude his brother our wedding party?
|
My [36f] and my partner [37m] have been together for over three years now, engaged since January 2018 and are getting married next summer. We are planning a super simple, small wedding with one or two people on each side of our wedding party. My partner’s relationship with his family is one of estrangement as of about nine months ago. Prior to that, he did have a relationship with his older brother [40m] as long as my fiancé covered the cost of any alcohol/food/activities when him and his brother go out and leave an open invitation for his brother to live with him (all expenses paid) at any time (even when his brother had his own housing). His brother (and his father) both have problems with alcoholism and are both very awful to women, which has led to some really bad (and sometimes scary) situations for me, and I no longer have any contact with them, nor do I plan to in the future. When my partner moved in with me, we agreed that his brother was not welcome to live with us, and eventually my partner agreed to stop paying his brother’s way in social situations. Since we’ve set boundaries with the family, it’s led to this estrangement (it stemmed from an incident where his dad was particularly awful to me and my partner stood up for me, and has been perpetuated because my partner does not want to take them out to get drunk to show he “forgives” them or pay his brother’s way anymore) not to mention that both his dad and brother have been sending him an incessant barrage of swear-word, insult-ridden drunken texts and emails. All this said, my partner really still wants to rekindle some sort of relationship with his brother (I totally get that, family is family), but for some reason wants his brother to also stand at our wedding. As someone who is paying for 50% of this wedding I really don’t want someone who has always been disrespectful to me and openly dislikes me standing and saying a speech that will likely be very disrespectful and embarrassing to me, not to mention has only been disrespectful to my partner and won’t help or participate in anything a groomsman should to be standing at our wedding... I think my partner is scared he may lose the opportunity to make up with his brother if he doesn’t include him in the bridal party, but REALLY.... AITA for not wanting this drunken buffoon standing at our wedding??
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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PLRgikMfXVaZWtGnYpqv8ZTgQaLh0PMb
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anzj63
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{
"description": "nervous laughing at my coworker's boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for nervous laughing at my coworker’s boyfriend?
|
so I moved to a new city back in December to start a new job, and on my first day of training I met a girl in the same training class we’ll call D. D was immediately open about the vast majority of her personal life the day I met her, and she told me about how she lost one of her kids in an accident, and about how she had cheated on her boyfriend at one point and now he’s super insecure.
Anyway, aside from all her baggage, D seemed like a fun person to hang around and we chatted on breaks and got to be friends. Then she confided in me that her boyfriend (father of her kids) gets physical with her. I didn’t really think it was any of my business, but I assured her that if she ever wanted to leave the guy that i would help her. Gradually she reveals some crazy shit to me, like how he should have gone to prison for 5 years and that he was kidnapped as a kid, and she tells me that she’s manipulated her friends into “sabotaging” him and their relationship, whatever that means.
Flash forward to week 2. Yes, week 2. She told me all of this within the first week. Red flag.
D asks me if i wanted to talk to her about a dream she had. Now, I’ve never put any stock in dreams meaning anything because I personally very rarely dream and the ones i have had have been absurdly and unintelligibly weird, so I told her so, but she told me anyway: she had a dream about her and i (we’re both bisexual women but i have absolutely ZERO attraction to her) making out in tshirts on her bed. I played it off and said “yeah i’ve had weird dreams too” but have always thought it was really creepy and disconcerting. She also mentioned to me at one point that she would probably try to have sex with me if she gets drunk, which was also really fuckin weird.
Flash forward again to month 2. D has since met a girl near her desk and fallen in love with her, CONSTANTLY telling everyone except this girl that she’s “the light of D’s world” and “the most beautiful person D’s ever met” (they met at the end of December). One night at 2am, I suddenly get a text from D’s number from her abusive boyfriend, asking me if she’s been looking at any other guys or girls. I don’t answer, but i tell her he asked me first thing the next morning; she was close to leaving him at the time and this was supposedly the final straw, and i told her i supported her leaving this chump.
She tells him she’s leaving him and he immediately does the asshole thing and tries to get her flowers. so he texts me again at 2am asking how to get them to the building, and i straight up told him to STOP contacting me, that i want nothing to do with him or their relationship, and he accuses me of having bf problems, so i just say something to the effect of “i’m too gay for bf problems and i don’t want to be a part of this”. he tells me he won’t bother me again.
the next week, D’s boyfriend left and took their kids to his mom’s in Texas and took their car to get there, so i had to take D home from work. As i was getting directions home, he calls her and, when he finds out i’m driving her home, tells her to put him on speaker. He gets my attention by saying “Hey, Jelllybears.”
I just say “What?”
“Why did you tell me you were gay? Why are you fucking my wife?”
not even “are you”. “WHY are you”.
I didn’t know what to do, so i laughed. I laughed really hard. It probably wasn’t the smartest reaction, but I didn’t expect this at all. It got less funny when he started cussing me out and calling me names, but i still point blank told him that he’s insecure and delusional. D does nothing. She says nothing, even while he’s cussing me out. I don’t even know what this guy looks like. we’ve never met. ever. and D is just sitting there, not even doing anything. I drop D off, and she thanks me for the ride tells me that he told her to text me and call me a piece of shit, and to expect that. So i was like “sure”. I stew over the fact that she didn’t do anything, but gave her the benefit of the doubt bc she’s probably legitimately afraid of this guy even if he’s a few states away.
Then, a coworker tells me that she’s told people around the office that i was trying to start a fight between her and her boyfriend. i was furious when i heard that. It’s one thing to not apologize for not doing anything to even try and stop him from yelling and accusing me of shit i didn’t do, but now she’s spreading lies around the workplace about something that is completely contrary to my very nature.
We haven’t spoken since, and he’s still in texas, but even when I decided to be the bigger person and apologize to just curb the drama, she sneers at me and refuses to even talk to me.
I can’t help but wonder if i’m completely in the wrong here?? perhaps i didn’t have the best reaction but all i want is to go to work and make money and go home. i don’t need the high school rumor mill again.
tldr: coworker’s bf accuses me of fucking her, and i laugh, and now she’s spreading rumors that i was starting a fight. aita?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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amiwo2
|
{
"description": "not stopping for a funeral procession",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AiTA for not stopping for a funeral procession?
|
So this just happened to me. I was driving down a two lane road, when the car in front of me suddenly pulls off the road. I said wtf, there's no emergency vehicles coming behind us or in front. It dawns on me this nincompoop is pulling over for the hearse and tiny funeral procession on the other side of the road. I realize I can squeeze past him, so I do. He proceeds to lay on his horn for about 10 seconds as I drive away.
I saw ANOTHER longer procession shortly after posting this and again on a two lane road. No one was pulled over and they were going through red lights like I had always been accustomed to.
This had me thinking about funeral procession etiquette. I have never broken a procession line nor followed one. I always yield to one if I'm at a crossroad. I've never heard of people pulling to the side of the road though. I live in MI and I'm in my mid 30s and I've never heard of this. However, am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
a9qobi
|
{
"description": "not wanting bf's parents coming over for breakfast",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting bf's parents coming over for breakfast?
|
Boyfriends parents live nearby, they were out if town for the holidays, they don't speak English and I dont speak their language. I like them and can communicate when my bf translates for us but he's working all day and I'm home. He texted me to let me know that he invited them over for breakfast because they don't have any food since they've been out of town. I called him and scolded him for inviting them over without asking me first. I said "I'm in my pajamas still, the house is dirty and I cant even talk to them, but I'm supposed to cook breakfast for them? why would you put me on the spot like that?" He said he was trying to be nice because they didnt have anything to eat. I said "they can go to the store and buy groceries, they're gonna have to eventually" he rushed me off the phone and told me he had to get back to work. Now I feel like such a bitch, he's always doing stuff like that and I always have to point out why the little things like that are awkward for me so I always end up looking like a bitch.
Am I?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
aomkly
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{
"description": "being a potentially shitty neighbor",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being a potentially shitty neighbor?
|
Today my husband and I received a... blunt... email from our downstairs neighbor. I'm including it here with my own commentary in parenthesis. For context, we live in a really old building with a lack of insulation, meaning we can hear a lot of creaks, doors and steps from all throughout the building and a bunch of our neighbors. Not unexpected from an old building and something we just deal with since we knew upon signing the lease the shit that comes with old buildings.
​
Here's her email-
"I am at a loss as to how to get you to understand the amount of noise that I have to endure daily from your apartment. I've sent a couple emails but nothing has changed; in fact, I find it is worse. (She has sent us one email in the past and we have tried to be accommodating- walking as quietly as possible, not moving furniture or dragging anything across the floor, not wearing shoes in the house, etc).
The noise coming from your apartment wakes me up daily long before it is time for me to awake for work. Thursday morning it was 4:45AM. If you are scheduled to work early or whatever, please do not disturb me before it is time for me to start my day. (Unfortunately, I have to wake up at 4:30am for work. I try to be as quiet as possible to not wake up my husband but I don't really have a choice as to when my job needs to me to arrive.)
I would also like to ask you to stop slamming your doors. (We actually never close any interior doors- save for the bathroom- let alone slam them).
Also the amount of knocking and moving around heavy objects as well as dropping them (it seems) is very disturbing. The noise constantly frightens my dog and starts him barking as it is noise out of the ordinary. I had minor surgery a couple weeks ago and found it difficult to rest well and recover because of the amount of noise from your apartment. I also have overnight guests that are disturbed by the noise from your apartment. (We don't move heavy objects around and, unless we're especially clumsy people, don't drop things a disturbing amount. Also, i'm not exactly sure how we can anticipate accidentally dropping something in order to rectify this particular problem. Her dog whines a lot- we can hear him from her apartment. We've never complained because it's just par for the course living in an old building).
Please be respectful enough to understand I, too would like to enjoy my apartment. I have a day off every other week and it would be very nice if I could enjoy being home and getting my business done without distractions of noise from your apartment, as I have been able to do in the past. The apartments are not well insulated and there is nothing to buffer noise, and I hear everything that happens in your apartment and I don't need to. (We can hear her too. She has loud conversations every night and again, we've never complained because we know it's an old building- there's not much that can be done).
I appreciate your understanding that this email is to address/complain of the noise that I cannot ignore and affects my comfort in my apartment."
I'm not really sure how to to be a good neighbor to her so I plan doing absolutely nothing else to make things better (although, what I really want to do is stomp around all day every day). We've already tried to be respectful of her but at this point she is asking for the impossible. Does that make us asshole neighbors?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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aup1UVyExDsZ80LFqp89YaRrzSzDhcay
|
b2qzsy
|
{
"description": "not wanting to visit a College for my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Not Wanting to Visit a College For My Birthday?
|
So I’m currently a junior in high school, stressing about college, the works. It was my birthday last week and my parents are divorced so I usually have separate birthdays. I am going to be celebrating this weekend with my dad since I’m with him. He is VERY obsessed with where I am in the college decision process, to the point where it feels like it’s all we talk about. So he floated the idea that he would take me to a school out of state that I had been interested in for my birthday as a gift. The school he wanted to take me to is SUPER competitive and I really don’t think I have a chance at getting in, so I feel like visiting it would just force me to look at an unattainable goal. I’m a very good student and I feel like I do have a shot at some good schools, but I also just don’t really enjoy visiting schools or anything. Schools I’ve been to excite me but I just don’t feel like I would want to go to one as a birthday gift.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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WvZ0ZMs3EGmF4FXb4V4D8efZgRyoiFlY
|
arkj48
|
{
"description": "being pissed at my grandma for wanting to share my brain scan without my knowledge",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being pissed at my grandma for wanting to share my brain scan without my knowledge?
|
To preface this, I'm a brain tumor survivor and went trough surgery few years ago (the tumor was benign so no further treatment was needed) so obiously I went trough a lot of MRI scans before/after the surgery and I have a cousin who studies medicine in a medical uni.
One day I was talking with my grandma about something completely random when she out of the blue mentions something about my mom going to go to the MRI centre to get my scans so the she can send them to my cousin to help her study for an neurology exam. My first reaction was "wtf, why has noone told me before?".
From what I understood, my grandma was chatting with my cousin trough skype and my cousin told her that one of the professors was working in a field of neurosurgery and she mentioned my case to him and he was interested in it from the medical perspective. So my grandma thought it would be a good idea to give my cousin the CDs of my scans so that she could talk about it with the prof, so she was going to send my mom to ged a copy of the CDs in the centre.
Now I don't have a problem with helping my cousin in her studies but I kinda lashed out about all of this happening without my knowledge. My granma's argument was that she wasn't planning to share it with some random people, just with my family and a medical professional and that it was only meant as a learning material for my cousin. I told her that I don't have a problem with my cousin seeing it but I have a problem with her sharing my medical info without asking me first and I felt like my privacy was being breached. She then started acting hurt and went into the "Ok, you got what you wanted, I won't send it to her" mode.
So am I the asshole for not keeping my temper down and lashing out on her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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rbDpKT4HaQc16JHTOiGZpbfSBLFje213
|
b5wnfa
|
{
"description": "wanting to be first in my girlfriend's life",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to be first in my girlfriend's life?
|
I (18m) have been dating my girlfriend (17) for close to a year and a half now and we have an amazing relationship. There's its ups and downs but generally we're still stupidly in love and we plan to stay together all through our respective college years and eventually live together.
However, she has told me multiple times that friendships are more important than relationships and she prioritizes her best friend a lot to the point where I'm not first in her life, her reasoning being that friendships last longer than relationships and it's best to give your friends more.
I disagree quite a bit with this since all of my friends don't make me a priority or make me feel wanted like she does, and all of my close friends have found people they like more. I've been giving her all of my attention and even though we argue sometimes (mostly my fault since I have a tendency to be miserable or careless) I've changed myself so much for her sake and I've always been there when she's needed someone. I can honestly say she's by far my highest priority and I do everything for her that she needs even though she's very independent.
Right now, her best friend is talking to one of our mutual friends and my girlfriend is upset that her best friend isn't giving her a ton of attention and I got in a kind of bad mood after we talked about it and assured that she's being reasonable and there's no issues with their relationship. I told her it upsets me that she puts her friends above me when I believe I've proven that I'm always there for her and her worries are unfounded. She told me she still disagrees and she thinks giving me more would push her friend away, who has been getting upset herself when my girlfriend gives me more attention.
I thought that the situation would show that I'm worth more than being second best but she's even more upset and has gone out with her friend right now so I can't talk to her for a little while.
AITA for wishing she'd put me first?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Y5Q27Oo3a29p4UUnJSd657pPeLhlZdcg
|
apm48z
|
{
"description": "being very privatley disdainful towards my mother for our current situation",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being very privatley disdainful towards my mother for our current situation?
|
So, my parents have split up with my mum keeping us (sister and I) most of the time and us seeing our dad every other weekend (assuming that its possible). Only recently when it has been made clear on both ends that we have a choice to go to our dad's my mum has also started saying things like "well I suppose I'll have to take you to your dad's" in a rather derogatory tone, making comparisons between her and him which boil down to her asking "who's better/who do you like more?", and just other kinda rude but not offensive in any way things. Of course this makes me INCREDIBLY uncomfortable and I try my best to avoid answering the question and/or talking to her for the rest of the day when it's brought up because I just think that the way that she puts her in a decent situation, my dad in a pretty bad one, and me in an awful one is ludicrously scummy.
To provide some context: I don't know the exact nature of why they split up, my dad has recently had a baby with another woman (I personally am ok with it), and the frequent of us seeing our dad seems to be dropping
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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0aj2DqIrO4YJ4sSajRnmfRPVaFZJGODm
|
b9eylp
|
{
"description": "not letting others paint on me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not letting others paint on me?
|
So I go on a school in Germany. It has the classes 5 to 12. Every year the students in the 12th grade have a "chaos day" where they can go to other classes and do every kind of stuff for an hour (like "try to draw a parabola but the pen has to be in your mouth"). Then the school usually does some games on the schoolyard. Everytime they also had lipsticks and wanted to paint on other students (penises, hearts, that kind of stuff)
A friend and I made a bet to be the last to get painted. So when the school started and some 12th graders came to the room I was in. They tried to paint on me, but I ran around the room, probably knocked some tables and chairs away. They then went to other rooms. Later some girls came to us and saw that I didn't have lipstick on my face. I then ran out of the room because it was too risky to be inside.
I went in the room again some minutes later. We continued the class normally and then the hour was over. I went to my **friends** but they didn't seem happy. They said "you went too far" or " you ruined it for them". Later some of them had lipsticks themselves and chased me.
​
TLDR: 12th graders were allowed to paint on other students, I ran away, my classmates hate me now
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Xma67MAAbPwJmI4chLVczlUH15NxTU8d
|
apl1yd
|
{
"description": "deleting shared team files on my personal Google Drive",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for deleting shared team files on my personal Google Drive?
|
Title is pretty clear. My company does not pay for GSuite (Google services for businesses) but rather has a subscription to Office 365. Despite this, many of the younger folk such as myself prefer Google services and have been using our personal accounts to store and share Sheets, Docs, and Slides.
A few months ago I was transitioned from one team to another and haven't touched my old documents since. I just hit my 15GB free limit on Google Drive and, as someone who despises subscriptions, I refuse to pay for it when I have physical several hard drives at home. So I sorted by date and got rid of everything I haven't touched in a while. I sent them to the trash, then emptied the trash.
I come in today and my old colleagues are livid at me, apparently they have been using my documents and folder long after I left the team, including having added documents. This may explain why my space was used up so fast, but I digress.
I apologized and felt bad, but I am hoping for some validation here because I am beating myself up over this. While I should have checked the documents a bit more closely, am I being an asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
WRONG
|
lK5adn6181ARUncjVNwO4KzVhzcq6w6x
|
a1eudk
|
{
"description": "bringing up that I don't feel like my girlfriend is doing enough",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For bringing up that I don’t feel like my girlfriend is doing enough
|
I have been dating my girlfriend for almost 3 years now. We are long distance, which is a little rough, but I adore her and we both feel like the distance is worth it. However, recently I have felt like she isn’t being affectionate enough. She has been very busy, but over the past two months, the most I have gotten other than the “I love you”s is a “you’re cute.” Over the summer she told me that she would do her best but she might be more busy than usual, but she still manages to spend 5+ hours with friends every day. She keeps telling me that she hasn’t been horny because she hasn’t regularly been having sex because we aren’t together, and that it stresses her out when I tell her I need more, but she doesn’t seem to realize that I am also stressed out because I need more. I feel like I’m living in a sexless marriage already and she is completely unwilling to try anything (she is completely unwilling to try phone sex which is fair but she also hasn’t sent nudes or even a half-hearted sext). It makes me feel like a creep for wanting something from my girlfriend and it feels unfair to me. So am I the asshole for asking her several times over the past two months to try to do more?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
KthoDehk5sl9TubdY9ca6w52XxwBfU9f
|
auwpwf
|
{
"description": "being mad at my husband because he doesn't want to have sex in front of our infant daughter",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 25
}
|
AITA for being mad at my husband because he doesn't want to have sex in front of our infant daughter.
|
I and my husband have been married for 3 years. We have a 1yo daughter.
She pretty much sleeps the entire time but my husband feels shy and gross having sex when she's there. I'm sure that she wont understand anything anyway. I'm always busy with the baby and he's always busy with work and I want to make the most out of the time we have. I think he's acting childish but he thinks its gross.
Am I mad? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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BWFuiKhq7009ltbB41zfqn8dGvzKQUGu
|
arfaqi
|
{
"description": "getting angry at a sick friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting angry at a sick friend?
|
I was friends with a girl(M) and sat next to her in a forensics class. We weren’t the closest of friends, but we got along well enough, and had some good in-jokes. One day, the teacher, (T) assigned us a group project on the history of Forensics, so naturally we agreed to team up. We planned this shit out, me agreeing to bring the framework for the project(a cheap plastic skeleton) and M agreeing to bring the 40 facts we needed, and we’d piece it together the next class period. So, the next period rolls around, and I have the skeleton in my backpack, and I’m ready to get started. M doesn’t show up. I start texting her, most of my texts somewhere along the lines of “WTF, where are you” and “we have a project due on wednesday”.
I don’t get any work done that day, and i’m still waiting for her to reply to me. Throughout all of this, I’m texting her like mad, even trying to call her phone once or twice. The next day, around twelve, I saw that she was on Discord for about ten minutes, and didn’t say anything. I get madder.
Throughout all of this, when I was frustrated, I would send her a message along the lines of “I’m going to punt you into the sun.” This is important.
So at about 7, I give up on her, and ask my mom for help to assemble the skeleton. I scrap together the facts in about twenty minutes, and then me and my mom(bless her little heart) begin taping. Then M finally starts talking to me again. In a group chat. And she’s furious.
She had been sick these past two days, and was mad at me for bullying her. I was honestly confused about this, until she posted screenshots of my first messages.
Me: “M I’m going to punt you into the sun.
Where the fuck are you.
We have a project.”
You get the jist of what I sent. We start fighting about this in the group chat, but this is a chat filled with her friends. We probably should have taken the argument to DMs, but she didn’t start, and I am bad when it comes to asking for what I want with friends if it only really affects me.
One of her friends was quick to shut down the argument. The next day, I present the skeleton alone, and get a decent grade. Over the next few weeks, I attempt to act normally whenever I bump into her around school. This means waving and saying hello during lunches, or when we bump into each other. She glares at me for this, and I feel worse and worse about this. She moves seats away from me in class, but this gives me more room to spread my shit, so I’m not complaining. After a few weeks, I still don’t want to lose her as a friend, so I write her a nice letter, asking for an apology for not contacting me about her being sick, and if she had told me sooner she was sick, I would have done all the work for both of us. This, *infuriated* her, as she was still angry about this, and we argue some more. I finally have had enough, leave the group chat, tell her not to talk shit about me(as we still have mutual friends.) and block her. We haven’t spoken since.
So Reddit, Am I the Asshole for being angry at M?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
DZYfYAexPdADPfF2BTF0wT8b9aR7FLt7
|
b5iq6x
|
{
"description": "wanting to quit a job because my boss won't give me a day I requested off",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to quit a job because my boss won’t give me a day I (20F) requested off?
|
Hi! I’m an average college student cooking at a small town bar while going to college. I’ve worked here for about 2 years now and I work almost every weekend because that’s when they need the help. Ive been fine with that, requesting time off here and there because I like to go visit family and friends every once in awhile.
So the problem is that I requested off my 21st birthday this year. I requested it off in February, while my birthday is on March 29th, which is a Friday. Friday’s we tend to be a lot busier than any day of the week. I came into work today to have my boss tell me that I have to work 2-10 on my birthday because he has ‘no one else’. Just for some more context, we have gone through cooks like crazy. I believe it’s mainly due to my bosses not wanting to pay people more. The only reason I’ve stayed is because it works better for my classes this semester and the full time cook that used to work here quit in November after 10 years, due to wanting a raise and my bosses would not give to him. We have had some good cooks leave because of this reason.
Now I’m pretty frustrated because I hardly take weekends off of work. I maybe request a weekend every two to three months to visit my parents, who live 2 hours away from my college. Otherwise I only have Monday’s and Tuesday’s off of working. I work 10 hour shifts on the weekend.
Currently, my boss also has two cooks here who work under the table for cash, when he needs them on the weekend. They are not obligated to be here so if they tell him they don’t want to work, I usually get stuck working shifts alone on the weekends. We also have a new cook, but he has no experience prior so it’ll be awhile until he’s all trained in. So my boss relies on me heavily to pick up the slack here. I’m pretty frustrated because for a bar, we have very understaffed in the kitchen and the weekend hours fall on me. I somehow feel ‘punished’ when I’m unable to get days I request off because he doesn’t hire more people on the actual pay roll.
I want to send my boss a text tomorrow and tell him that I either get this Friday off or Thursday is my last day working here. And that I would like to discuss it in person as well. Would I be the asshole to pretty much threaten quitting if I don’t receive my birthday off?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
pQLWV1zlodwHIFK6cIvKf66KROlmke4I
|
b3rxdh
|
{
"description": "distancing myself from my boyfriend's best friend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for distancing myself from my boyfriend’s best friend?
|
I’m a little stuck on this situation and couldn’t tell if I was legitimately being a dick so I need a hand..
I work in a supermarket with my brother, boyfriend and 2 friends. One friend I knew for years before working there - we’ll call her Lana - and the other friend I made through work - we’ll call him Tom. All of us hang out at Lanas house every week for at least one or two nights, that’s how I got close to my now boyfriend who we’ll call Harvey. Harvey and Lana are absolute best friends and plan to move in together soon and I’ll make it super clear now that I have no problem whatsoever with my boyfriend being close friends with a girl. He’s bisexual and just gets on better with girls and I trust him with all my heart so I have no problem there. The problem is my relationship with Lana. We appear to be friends on the outside as were nice to each other and get each other little gifts, but really she’s never asked how I am or anything. I’ve recently been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and though all my friends have been there for me she’s never asked me how I’m doing, if my medication is working or anything but she’ll ask other people how I’m doing. She also opens up about her problems to everybody at work and in our friend group except me. I see her multiple times a week but our conversations barely go past a ‘hi how are you’. I even spent the day with her the other day but she would hardly speak to me and barely interacted with me I felt so awkward.. I’ve been trying to get closer to her but I feel like it’s just not happening.
Now she’s going through some problems of her own but won’t speak to me about them, my boyfriend says it’s because she knows I have depression but I hate when that effects things. So AITA for distancing myself from her and not trying to get close anymore? I talk to her so often and tell her she can open up to me but she’s never asked if I’m okay or anything besides asking other people about me. I’m just confused... it feels like she doesn’t care about me but then she asks everyone else about me so I don’t get it?
TLDR: My boyfriends best friend used to be my friend but now I feel like we’re just awkward around each other. AITA for distancing myself from her and not asking how she’s doing anymore because it feels like she doesn’t care about me?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
O8nAK9U7Meeyw9eWXWpFALaGbaZLj9Ej
|
auttzz
|
{
"description": "being particular about where I want my date to meet me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for being particular about where I want my date to meet me?
|
Just a note, I had a lot of background information which I felt was necessary but got cut out of the limit, so I put it in a comment - but please I'd appreciate if you read it before making the judgement or asking INFO. The bottom line is that I have a particular bar I like to go to and feel particularly comfortable in for stuff like this, as well as other certain peeves which I'll cover there. Nothing high maintenance though (at least I don't think so).
So, had a date, who had me pick the place. Agreed to meet at my usual spot outside and then get a drink. I never like to make them wait so I'm always making sure to be in communication.
So, as I was getting out of the shower, I get a text from her, saying she was actually ahead of schedule and ended up leaving early. So I shrug it off an give her a heads up, but then as I'm getting dressed she says "hope you don't mind, but I stopped by [other bar] for a drink". Well, it wasn't where I planned to go and I wasn't too keen on meeting there since it has a tendency to get crowded and not an ideal date place, but I play it cool and say "okay that's cool, well I actually had somewhere else in mind but I'll let you know when I'm ready", and she seems okay with this.
Five minutes later I'm ready, I ask her if she can meet me at where we originally planned, and she then insists I go in there and find her. Then I get a little annoyed because I really don't wanna have to explain it to her and she literally said "I hope you don't mind". Of course I don't say that to her, I continue to play it cool, start walking towards the area and call her - and sure enough it sounds super loud in there, and before she answers she sounded like she was already preoccupied (exactly what I strive to avoid) and once again she text me insisting I meet her where she is. As I get closer, I say where I am and ask if she can come meet me, and even mention the other bar (and it's literally right outside, at the end of the block, not out of the way at all in a very public area, not shady in the slightest).
No answer. I try calling her phone several times, nothing. At this point I'm quite annoyed, but I figure it's not the end of the world so I'll just go meet her in that bar since she's doing terrible with communication and can't follow simple instructions and it probably won't work anyway. Just as I'm about to get there I get a text saying "I have to be honest, trying to meet up tonight has been pretty sketchy, sorry it didn't work out", so apparently she came all the way out here and then cancelled/left over that.
Couldn't believe it, I can understand the particularness arousing curiosity but come on! It was a public place so I can't see why she would think her safety was in jeopardy. But what do you say? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
Uy0RVs0bFUTfvCgMeNvcfRyhLBbbDgyH
|
arjppj
| null |
AITA- Am staying with a French guy and I'm not paying anything
|
Okey so to give you some context, I speak Spanish and English fluently, 18 years old and I am doing an intense english course in the UK, so I am renting a flat with another French guy, I have been staying in the flat for a week already and i still have 2 left, my big problem its that when I came here the guy already had toilet paper, soap, cleaning stuff, food etc... and I thought that we would pay like half and half for the thing like soap and cleaning stuff and then each one his food, the problem here is that the guy speaks almost no English, so every time i tried to ask him what I have to buy for the flat he just doesn't understand me and says some phrases like "nono take what you want" and points also at the food, what I did was buy only my food for a week but I have been using all the cleaning and other stuff from the flat, he also is staying for 6 months and has already been here for 3 so AITA for not paying for this kinds of things?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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HeoTT5te7JQyFpx2Oe3VSTbmSW9uV9VX
|
a2q0y0
|
{
"description": "wanting to kick my mother and sister out of our house when my father passes",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for wanting to kick my mother and sister out of our house when my father passes?
|
This is gonna be a long one, so I'll put a tl:dr at the bottom
So for the backstory, my mother was incredibly abusive towards me and my sister during our childhood, physical abuse, emotional abuse, you name it, she did it. My father tried to get it to stop, but he's too nice, and he's getting old.
When I hit the age of 14, she left my father, and I couldn't be happier. She moved out, and was completely out of our lives.
3 years ago however, my father let her move back in with us, even after going through an official divorce procedure and everything. And it seems like she hasn't changed at all.
She still acts cold towards me, and toxic as well. Last year I had the honor of hearing her say to my face that she wishes she never had me. Fair enough, I tell my father, and he constantly threatens to kick her out if she continues with her behavior, but he never does anything. Also, she only acts this way towards me when my father is not around, cause she knows that she'll get fussed at if she acts this way with him around.
She currently looks after him. By that I mean she'll cook him dinner, iron out his clothes, and clean somewhat. Meaning a mess could be in front of her face and she wouldn't get to it until hours and hours later, despite doing nothing but lying down on a couch, and playing on her laptop.
Onto my younger sister, she has a terrible drug problem. She'll do drugs even though my father clearly stated that the moment you do illegal drugs, he's done with you, he will not help you out of any bind if you willingly mess with drugs like that. In addition, she has him and my mother take her to work, and she has the gall to wake up me and my mother at 1 or 2 in the morning to take her to get drugs. She only does it when my father is not around, because she knows that she'll get in trouble if he is around. Oh, and she doesn't contribute to the household whatsoever, and has the gall to yell and fuss at them and get into arguments when they rightfully tell her she needs to stop doing drugs.
They offered and set up a meeting with a hospital that would supposedly help her with her addiction. She didn't go, instead she went to her boyfriends house and did more drugs there.
Now, I probably should've talked to them about all of this, right? Well I cant. The moment I bring up any of their problems, they immediately get very hostile, and very defensive, constantly beating you down with insults and goalposts moving all the while not listening to me. So that's out.
Recently I learned from my older sister that my father plans on leaving the house in her name. And she's told me that she plans on leaving the house in my name once it's in hers. My sister nor mother know this, and I've made sure I haven't told them about this. Now my older sister is fantastic, we bond over dinner whenever she visits us from florida. She also dislikes my younger sister, and doesn't care too much for my mother.
I've tried to move out a number of times. But my father is getting old as I've said (he's currently 66) and he'll actually break down into tears and beg me not to go, and that he needs me. I've obliged, and at this point I give him rent, and pay for everything I use. All he provides for me is a roof essentially.
So basically, when my father passes, I want to kick both my mother and sister out of my house.
WIBTA here?
Tl:dr put up with abusive mother for years. She leaves for years, and comes back still toxic as ever, my younger sister abuses my dad's love and takes full advantage of him by disrespecting him, and doing drugs in his house, my father is leaving the title of the house in my older sisters name, which will essentially be in my name, and I want to evict both of them the moment the house is in my name.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Z9AS6jQ0kRcKqQxx5mhXxBuI41oKZ6vb
|
b177v8
|
{
"description": "being pissed of that my step dad ruined my evening",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being pissed of that my step dad ruined my evening.
|
Some pretence. I really like the game of pool. I've been playing it a fair bit recently after not playing for about 8 years. (I never played well the last time I played was on a caravan holiday when I was 14 or so.) I've been playing every week at my local bar who let me on the team. (Mainly I just help them warm up while I practice my basic mechanics) I really want to get better, and my step dad knows this because I've been taking him to a local pool hall every week so I can have some more practice I pay for his drinks so I have someone to play with because I have a bit of anxiety in new places with new people so it helps to have someone I know along.
So this is out 4th or 5th time out and I've never beaten him. (In overall games, I win a few but he's always won more) yesterday playing at the bar, one of he team gave me some advice and it drastically improved my game. So I wanted to cement that by practicing more today.
So we get to the pool hall and play a couple of games, I'm doing pretty well as we're winning alternate games. The score is 4 to 4 my chance for the lead. I pot my final ball and have pretty hard position on the black. It is a difficult shot for me. It's may be a 80-85° cut in the side pocket. Now usually I'm pretty good into the side pocket.
So I line up my shot. I'm confident in going to pot this ball and finally be in at a chance of beating him. Right before I take pull back for the shot he blurts out.
"Oh did your mom tell you she's pregnant".
I awkwardly burst out laughing. Partly because I didn't know how to react partly because I knew he was putting me off and joking. Anyway I'm still chuckling a minute or too later and so is he making me chuckle more. I get down for the shot again try to concentrate, can't so I just go for it hoping my I just make it. I completely miss it and roll the white straight not the corner pocket. He bursts out laughing. I instantly stop. I know 100% I could have made that shot if he didn't put me off.
We play 2 more. I win the next game so its 5-5. I'm still pissed of and I'm just hitting them. I put the black in because I was careless and lost. He looks at me at the end with a sort of you know what you did wrong look. And I know I was pissed off and careless. So my response was "yeah I know I was pissed off and just didnt care" he says "why are you pissed off it's not because my fault" so I explained. "Well yeah, you put me off a crucial shot which would have put me ahead." At this point in packing up the balls to go home. He puts his cue away and leaves the pool hall.I didn't know he had left and started walking home. So I wait 5 minutes outside then presume he's walked home and call the taxi. I tell the taxi to take the roads that he's probably walking on. And when we pass him in the taxi I ask the driver to just pull over and I open the door to let him in. He sticks his middle finger up at me and continues to walk home. So I shut the door and taxi driver walks off.
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
fjBisERm5zR56hfciqNmwxBK8xBFAhzI
|
arud8g
|
{
"description": "yelling at my uncle when he breaks the one rule my cousins and auntie and I put in place for our game",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for yelling at my uncle when he breaks the one rule my cousins and auntie and I put in place for our game?
|
Sorry for the formatting as I am on mobile.
PA: playing aunt
NPA: non playing aubt
My 2 cousins, my PA and I were playing mahjong (Asian tile game). My two cousins and I are beginners and my aunt is the most experienced among all of us. My uncle and NPA were just doing their things in the background.
We were playing fine and one of my cousin had trouble deciding which tile she should discard. So the NPA came and take a look. She was sitting behind my PA that was playing so she could clearly see all her tiles. When she came and see my cousin tiles, my cousin decide to throw one and immediately NPA said don't throw that but we all already saw what she intended to throw which is the tile that PA needed. NPA then switched the discard tiles which sparks the issue that NPA saw what PA needed and decide not to discard it. So all my cousin, PA, and I made a rule that non players are not allowed to give insight on the game at all. Previously my uncle was telling my other cousin what to do the whole time.
Fast forward 1 hour ish..
We were trying to finish the game because it has been going on for too long and PA was close to finishing all her chips. My cousin decide to take a tile from my PA discard and my uncle immediately said don't do that. (He was still butting in here and there but we just ignored him). So my other cousin and PA said not to tell him what to do. He then stood up and say what he told him to do went affect the game. Which was not true because my cousin was going to make a move that was going to make him really hard to win. So I told him that his decision to change his move will change the whole game. He then changed his argument saying that he is just teaching him how to play. To which I told him that we all agreed that non players cannot give any insight in the game. He then changed his argument again saying that if he don't teach him, he will not learn. Which I said then it is not fair for my other cousin and I because no one is teaching us and all of us are just learning from the mistakes we are making in the game. He then changed his argument again saying that it is just a friendly game. (At this point I was getting really frustrated as he was speaking over me over and over again really loudly and interrupting our game) I then just yelled on top of my lungs to stop it. It's not his game and he should not be disturbing. He still continues talking over me giving the same reason he gave which I have already told him he was wrong.
My other aunt who was cooking came in and said I should not shout like that and said I was rude. My grandparents who was also sitting there said I was rude. I just say fine. Just because I am the younger one I am the rude one. To which my uncle just left and went to the living room and my cooking aunt just shook her head and sigh. We just continued and finished our game.
So AITA for yelling at my uncle for that?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
INn1uvMlJgJ3pI7Ts9kUdHU7dSCKvzo2
|
a9e1pf
|
{
"description": "taking on something I couldn't handle",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for taking on something I couldn't handle?
|
Sorry this is a long story but I'll put a TLDR at the bottom:
A few months back, my husband's grandmother passed away. She lived overseas, close by to where my husband and I live , so a lot of family from america flew in for the funeral. After the funeral service, I heard my mother in law talking to my husband, asking him if I would consider escorting their 13 year old daughter (his sister) back to america, since she cannot fly alone.
The Mother was flying to another state back in the US, where her sister was suffering from cancer and not doing well (the father travels a lot).
My husband said absolutely not. He did not like being separated with me for long periods of time, and I have anxiety and depression, and he did not want my condition to worse in unstable situations. He did not want me to be 'used' for whenever his parents needed something done.
I spoke to my husband later, and said I would be honored and flattered to have his parents give me such a major task to do, and to help his mother out during these hard times. Her mother just passed away, and her sister was ill, I wanted to help however I could, I wasn't working at the time and didn't mind helping out. Eventually I convinced my husband and I packed my things to go with his sister.
Before I left, my mother in law approached me and asked me to make my sister in law breakfast each morning, and dinner, give her medicine if she's sick, and take her to the doctor and after school activities. I agreed, she also warned me NOT to act like a parent, just a helpful adult. So I agreed to that as well.
When I arrived in america, I got very ill, so did my sister in law. We were both so sick, we lost our voices, and it hurt to speak and swallow. Despite this, I still got up at the crack of dawn and helped wake her up, and made my in law breakfast each morning (we ordered out for dinner).
Meanwhile. At their home, my husbands brother, (18) was living at home, played video games all day, and went to college and did homework late into the night (whatever floats his boat), but sometimes would throw loud parties in the middle of the house while the sister and I were trying to sleep. I would sometimes stay up late at night with him to help him with homework and give him tea to help him keep going. But due to his laziness, and the sister's illness (and I suppose age), neither of them cleaned up after themselves. So I did my best to clean the house each day, do their laundry, ect. On top of this: the family had rented out their home the previous year, and only started to slowly move back in, so the house was a WRECK of boxes and items strewn everywhere. I also spent a lot of time trying to clean the home as best as I could, and organize, although it wasn't easy.
At some point, my depression catches up with me, and I begin to slow down in pacing. I can't clean up as well each day, and I struggle to make dinner for the daughter and order out more and more often. I was told when my mother in law would arrive, so I decided to pull myself together to clean the home as best as possible before she arrived.
She arrives earlier than I expect and explodes.
She begins to freak out the kitchen isn't clean, that my sister in law hasn't been eating sufficient dinners. That the place is a wreck. She screams she is too embarrassed to call cleaning people because the house is so messy. I apologise and say I was doing my best to keep up each day, but it was difficult when I didn't get any help.
Mother in law rolls her eyes, and says, well of course a thirteen year old isn't going to clean up after herself, and an 18 year old isn't, but a 27 year old woman!? She tells me to my face she is concerned for our future family, how will I be able to keep up with it? How will I be able to manage it? I am stunned, after everything I did for her family...none of that counted. At some point my explanations turn into defense and we begin arguing, and I say, "I have been doing so much for your family, why does none of that matter to you?" and she freaks out I said, "YOUR family" as though it wasn't my family, but what I meant was her children.
Eventually I tell her I am going to stay by my sisters and begin packing my things.
For some reason, my mother in law believes I left, and she begins trash talking me to my father in law.
The house is a wreck, food she bought isn't being eaten, is she really the best person for their son? Is he really happy with her? She can't believe a 27 year old woman can't keep the place together, and how she said she was taking care of 'your family' as though it wasn't hers!
I come down stairs and tell her I heard everything and we fight again. My husband gets on the phone and calms his mother down, and after talking to her for awhile, she cries and apologizes to me. I tell her it's okay, and I apologize to her as well, that I only meant to help her (I figured with her mom passing and her sister being ill, it was a lot for her all at once).
The next day, staying at my sisters, I buy my mother in law a gift to make up for what happened. My mother in law says I didn't need to, but accepts it.
Anyway, fast forward to now: I am extremely destroyed by everything I heard her say. I haven't been eating well, or exercising like I used to. I keep wondering if she's right. Maybe I'm not the best person for my husband, we love each other so much, we would call each other each night while I was in america. But I wonder if I'm not good enough for him. For a future with him, to hold together a family. I keep thinking she was right. Despite my good intentions, good intentions aren't good enough: it's what you are actually capable of doing, and I don't think I am capable.
Am I the asshole for taking on something I thought I could, but couldn't handle?
*TLDR*:
Escorted my sister in law back to America, was in charge of taking care of her, I did, and also their son, neither of them helped clean or do laundry, so it was on me to do it. I couldn't keep up and my depression made it harder, mother comes home and is pissed and tells me I'm not good enough to hold a family together and may not be good enough for her son.
Am I the asshole for taking on something I thought I could, but couldn't handle?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
1dnGV4rUgLLMtjz9O7fMlLfcKvQQI5qx
|
axhpr6
| null |
AITA my dad criticizes me but I'm not allowed to do the same?
|
My dad always likes to put down my self esteem, it usually isnt constructive and it's been really getting to me lately. I've been calling him out on it but he seems to always turn it into my wrongdoing and I end up apologizing. My mom has started to side with him and tells me I'm being disrespectful for doing that but I dont feel that way.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
2ESJkQPYHYYsYkZe5xY7F7ap7TMZ3jDy
|
a924rw
|
{
"description": "splitting 7s",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for splitting 7s?
|
This is going to be an unusual one for the sub, as far as I can tell.
So I was playing Blackjack at a casino last night. The shoes are all favoring the dealer to an insane degree. Doesn't matter what hand you have, the dealer wins. So I start playing a bit unorthodox because of the situation.
Enter the Old Man. Old man just left some other game, Texas Hold Em IIRC, where he lost his ass. He sits down with ~$25. First hand he's at the table the dealer's showing a 5 and I had a 12. I hit because why the fuck not? I have a better chance of winning than not because every other hand, played by the book, has been a loser. I play in to the break and he decides to chastise me for it. OK old man, stick around for a while.
We're all treading water for a while, staying close to even, but Old Man is obviously getting frustrated as well and he plays in to a break. So I chastised him for playing in to a break like he did me, and then he starts playing *horribly*. He was the first seat at the table, and it started fucking up everyone's hands. We were all a little pissed since the shoes sucked, and he wasn't helping.
For those of you that don't know, you split Aces and Eights. That's a rule. You get double Aces/Eights, you split 'em. Well I got double Sevens. I leaned to the dude to my left and said "I bet this'll piss him off..." and split my Sevens. Holy shit, the dealer got mad, the old man got mad, even one or two guys at the table were upset...and that old man took his chips and stormed off. I think he had $20-30. The dealer laughed and told me I was an asshole.
After he fucked off the table started winning.
So am I the asshole for pissing off some Old Man that was needlessly fucking up the table?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Kl5VBs3iy1Wjj6e0jfk2uwfzegJwEGzN
|
amephb
|
{
"description": "declining my ex's invite to drink with his friends",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for declining my ex’s invite to drink with his friends?
|
My (F/23) ex (M/21) and I just broke up this week because he felt like he needed more time to focus more on his acads and himself. He has clinical depression and couldn’t identify his feelings towards anything (including me anymore). We talked about it and decided to stay friends because we’ve been together for almost 6 years and we have a strong foundation built from friendship. To me he’s my bestfriend. But of course like any other break up-even if it was our decision, well mostly his to break up, it hurt so much for the both of us. I still want us to keep trying but I think he really needs time for himself right now. As someone that has been by his side for so long; I always , always want to be there for him. But he told me that I shouldn’t anymore because if I’m always there he wouldn’t be able to figure things out on his own.
So here I am bawling my eyes out to sleep every night. It still hurts because even though we agreed to stay friends, to me the way he acts feels like he doesn’t need nor care for me anymore even though he says he still does and always will. It’s only been a week and I’m still grieving. Earlier today he invited me to go drinking with his two friends that were both girls/bi? He said he wanted to drink till he gets drunk (and he’s not the drinking type of guy so this is new to him). I felt hurt because I feel like he doesn’t care that I’m still on my grieving period with our break up and he invites me to drink with TWO girls. Of course I’ll still feel hurt. So i decline because I was upset and really didnt feel like talking to his friends. I want to talk to him though but he just cant talk to me straight. And then he gets slightly pissed at me for my reasoning. I got more upset, hurt and also pissed. I just slept to clear my head and rest my heart. I don’t know am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
rgpBkD355PYSIaFuRBpveOs6tHB07uKT
|
a61s1u
|
{
"description": "asking my friend who's on there \"bang\" list",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for asking my friend who’s on there “bang” list?
|
Okay so basically I was at a diner with my best bud while i waited to get my tires replaced next door. I’ve been watching the League recently and saw Sara Silverman guest starring. I don’t know why but her funny personality with not that bad looks just does it for me. Like she’s how old now and I still wouldn’t mind tapping that.
Anyways, so I asked him yay or nay for Sara and he said nah so I was disappointed. So I asked him, “ So who’s on your list then huh?”.But what I meant, from previous context, was who no matter their age do you find attracted to and therefore would consider doing.
At this point i was like damn we having an old fashion locker room chat now. And out of nowhere one of the waitresses says, “ Wow what a bunch of scumbags” and then sarcastically laughs. I was like “oh I’m sorry ma’am...” and she reply’s “No no it’s fine it’s fine” in one of those “yeah whatever” kinds of tones. So from there she never did a lap around the diner that included us and now I felt like a asshole. But I just wanted to see who my friend thinks is still attractive at an older age.
Am I the asshole??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
xvmxMqyDdtlLHS2AXBZORjY1m1V0HQZ6
|
afcwra
|
{
"description": "not putting a shared pizza in the fridge",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not putting a shared pizza in the fridge?
|
A friend and I ordered a delivery pizza to split, we paid for it equally. When the pizza arrived, I ate 3 of my 4 slices, and my friend ate none (4 remaining). The pizza was then left out all night and for most of the next day. I am perfectly fine with eating pizza that has sat out over night(I'm aware of the health risks involved, but it has never given me problems), my friend however is not, and was upset that I did not put the pizza in the fridge, which resulted in him throwing the rest away.
He insists that there was a 50/50 responsibility for either of us to put the pizza away, where I insist that I had 0 responsibility due to having less stake in the pizza remaining, and for the aforementioned fact that I was fine with pizza that sat out. A very long discussion was had over whose responsibility it was. Am I the asshole here for not putting the remaining pizza away?
Additional information: we had this pizza delivered to the Airbnb we were sharing, so we were both sleeping at the same place. The friend was aware that the pizza had arrived, and was present during this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
z9NmukZlLeTxAUh54WMmH3iJKtpARhna
|
arhbmu
|
{
"description": "sending my boss a text without telling my mom when she told me not to",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for sending my boss a text without telling my mom when she told me not to
|
Here's some background. I'm currently in highschool and have been looking for job. I just recently landed a job but I haven't begun to work yet and will be starting next week.
So here we go...
So my brother and I bought tickets to an event a month ago and the event is the weekend I will be starting my work. So I was like...
I should text my boss before he sends the schedule that I wont be able to come into work on Saturday right?
But my mom's like, no, don't do that, you'll get fired
At this point I'm like why? Isn't it better to let my boss know as early as possible??
My mom explained to me and my brother that because I haven't started to work yet, asking for a day off before even working will leave a bad impression and will get me fired.
I thought of it was somewhat reasonable??? This is my first real job BTW
My brother then explained that it's better to let my boss know before he sends the schedule so that my boss can work it out with that in mind.
My mom reasoned that because I haven't even worked yet, it wasn't okay. But if I were to already have been working there for a bit it would be acceptable. And then she goes on about that she personally would tell my boss and just drop the event for work.
My mom and my brother would argue a bit and I would be sitting there listening and texting my friends about the situation. They tell me that it should be totally fine to text my boss, so I thought about it and decided to send the text without my mom knowing.
I asked my mom again why couldn't just text my boss and she reasoned to me, slowly raising her voice. And while I was trying to reason with her, I told her I sent the text anyways so there isn't much you can do about it.
Everything goes downhill from here
My mom goes pretty much nuts. She goes on about why the hell I didn't listen to her and that I don't prioritize my studies and work and always play instead. I tell her that I finish all my work at school, that's why she doesn't see me working a lot at home. She goes on again that she would drop the event to work and emphasizes that I don't work enough.
I told my mom this
I got straight A's last semester, I have 2 AP's and I've been working on work at school. Which may not seem like a lot to some people, which includes my mom.
She says that I have so much free time, why don't I take up another AP?
So I had a 3rd AP previously and I dropped it because I couldn't keep up with the HW load and was 3 assignments behind only a month into the semester so I dropped it.
But anyways, the conversation goes on about my grades, my responsibilities, my priorities and etc.
I asked why she was getting so worked up about it. It isn't her job, it's mine so therefore it is my responsibility and if I do end up fired, that's my problem not hers.
So at this point my mom threatens me by taking out all the money from my checking account and telling my brother that he will not be taking me out on Saturday.
So I don't rly remember when my dad got into this but he always takes my mom's side when we argue. He was saying that I don't listen to them but previously I was seriously taking everything into consideration before texting my boss.
I get a text from my boss saying that it's totally okay and third schedule's are very flexible, meaning that u have Saturday off to go to the event right?
But my mom was like, whether you have Saturday off or not, I will not let you go to the event. And then she told me to cancel the plans I had for the next day and proceeded to take all my money from my banking account.
So yeah, that happened. I tried making it simple without going too off track like the argument did about my grades and shit.
Td:lr I had plans on a weekend do I wanted to tell my boss at a new job that I could work on that one day, but my mom said not to do it cus I will get fired. I try to reason with her and ended up sending the text anyways and she gets mad at me, taking all my money out of my checking account and cancels the plans I had for the week.
Also here are some questions I think will be asked
My brother paid for both out tickets and my mom said she will be paying for them
I can't drive
My boss is chill
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
Ex5KUCgG11CLqYw19HqXg7fvdfu0p2mC
|
aluhpm
|
{
"description": "apologizing to a girl I haven't spoken to in over a month",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I apologized to a girl I haven’t spoken to in over a month?
|
A little over a month ago I started talking to this girl I met on tinder. She was great, super sweet, and most importantly she was ok with me being a cripple in a wheelchair. I asked her out almost immediately, so I wouldn’t have to fret about that very long. She said yes, but she didn’t have a day off work for two weeks and we talked until then. It got pretty serious, we talked about everything. Here’s where it started to fall apart. I’m a serial introvert, so I thrive being alone and not taking to people, and after a certain point everything that’s worth talking about gets talked about, and your just talking for the sake of talking. Like I really don’t care about your favorite zoo animal, and I know that makes me an asshole, but I’m sorry I would rather play video games. Then I came to the realization that maybe I’m not supposed to be in a relationship at all, and that I was only seeking one because I thought that was what people did to get happiness. What makes it even worse is that she kept saying how great of a guy I was, and how easily hurt she was. She kept saying she wasn’t bothered by my introvertedness, but I think she really was. After I had this epiphany I felt really bad it was a little less than a week before the date, and I’ve never been on a date and I really wanted to have that experience and to see if my mind changed. So I lead her on, and for that I am truly an asshole, but then Karma struck and she got sick the day of, turns out she had been sick the whole week and didn’t tell me because she wanted to go on the date. The next day I did the right thing and broke it off. I went about it ok I would say, I do regret a couple things I said, I think I led her to believe I led her on for longer than I did, and that letting me be my introvert self had something to do with it, so that was sucky of me, but at that point it was too late, her heart was already on the mend and I didn’t want to make it worse by going back and apologizing, I wanted to give her time and space to heal. My biggest regret though is that it took her getting heartbroken to make me realize that I’m not supposed to be in a relationship, and I really want her to know that I’m sorry for that. Like I said this was a little over a month ago, so what should I do? Is my epiphany correct? Should i wait longer? Should I have said something sooner? Should I never contact her again? Should I have toughed it out and gone on the date?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
6FpGwf7KJpBr0S6WNU0zeMo1JnTNH0wa
|
b9nyta
|
{
"description": "making a joke at the wrong time",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for making a joke at the wrong time?
|
This just happened today and I felt really bad about it
Also I'm bad at phrasing so yeah.
So today, I met my friend on the train so I tried to tell a joke where I walked up to him and said "Your mother pass away" as a joke. (This joke was a common joke at my school)
Unluckily his mother was going through a tough time. She was going through a surgery where she had a 50-50 chance of survival which I had no idea of.
Now I feel really guilty and tried apologising to him but he wanted to be left alone
Would I be the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
jXcKlO9bsrBZe7l1qZtMWnU5ulWM0ixt
|
a3771q
|
{
"description": "not wanting my partner to get a psych evaluation to see his sister's children",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA not wanting my partner to get a psych evaluation to see his sister's children.
|
So let's start off by saying I believe in mental health and psychologists and if you need help get it, all names are made up, but just to simplify.
My partner(Ben) suffered years of abuse and developed psychological issues that I don't really want to go into here, that isn't what this post is about. Ben has had a divide in his family since his abuser went to jail. For a while there was no contact between my partner and his sister(Jess). As Ben's partner I have head all sorts of stories and horrors that come from systemic abuse and the grooming of Jess. Since then both Ben and Jess have had therapy and Jess has since had 2 kids
We met up with Jess and her partner, it went okay, but then this week. Ben was told the only way that he could see Jess's kids, was if Ben got a Psych evaluation from Jess's partner, next year after he finishes his qualifications.
I am adamantly against this, believing it is a major conflict of interest having Jess's partner do it. I suggested instead that he came to a therapy session or something different, trying to find a middle ground. I don't think I am an asshole I think it's a complex situation.
TL:DR: Sister want's my partner to get a Psych evaluation from her partner, I think that is a conflict of interest.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
oS0UC6hBUETnaWTk3b26and0nETs8IAo
|
aanmd9
|
{
"description": "not throwing away my empty drink and popcorn at the movie",
"pronormative_score": 57,
"contranormative_score": 301
}
|
AITA for not throwing away my empty drink and popcorn at the movie
|
I guess I just grew up with that as the culture in my family. Threw away stuff at the mall food court, left stuff at football stadiums and movie theaters. But my friend chastised me about it after a movie yesterday. I threw my stuff away. But don’t feel totally wrong because there are people to clean the theatres, most movie theatres seat like 30 people now and it’s not a big task. Furthermore it’s so expensive to go to the theatres now. But I don’t wanna be an asshole so just let me know if I absolutely am one please.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 299,
"OTHER": 54,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 57,
"WRONG": 301
}
|
WRONG
|
0x1wkY43kYXAAI2hRKYh9ed50t5S9SiA
|
b17isp
|
{
"description": "letting my parents diagnose a shower problem while I showered",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for letting my parents diagnose a shower problem while I showered?
|
Hi everyone. I'll keep it short and sweet here.
​
So for some backstory, our shower has for 2 years leaks through the floor at random. We've tried numerous ways to simulate the leaking but to no avail. My dad has the idea that it leaks when there's someone in the shower showering (why that makes a difference idk) but he's never got to test it.
​
Here I am showering with the curtain closed and my dad knocks on the door. He asks me to open the door and let himself in so he can figure out why the shower is now deciding to leak into the floor below. I tell him I'll be out in 5 min but he insists, so I reach my hand out of the curtain and reach around till I get a grip on it and open it then close the curtain. He walks in and goes into a usual 5 min rant about where it could be coming from and how, so I tune out for a bit. Suddenly I feel a hole open up in the curtain right next to my ass and an iPhone pokes through while recording. I'm quickly turn around and tell him to please not film while I'm in the shower and he removes the iPhone.
​
A couple seconds later I'm still expressing to him how it's really weird to do that and he sticks the iPhone back in while saying I'm not in the frame. Now I'm pissed and start yelling for him to shut it off now and how inappropriate it is while your TEENAGE SON is showering and he's sticking a camera to try and film some stupid leak. He shuts off the camera and leaves the bathroom. I finish showering and while in my room he tries to explain how I wasn't in the shot and wanted to see that particular scenario while the shower was running. I respond and tell him how violated I feel when someone sticks a camera into the shower while ignoring my continuous requests to turn it off and tell him to try to re create it another time.
​
I thought my mom would react differently and be guilty and apologize but nope same reaction, how it wasn't meant to film me and they wanted to re create the scenario. She said the ceiling problem is "$1000s of dollars" and they needed a way to figure out the problem. I told her I didn't care and felt violated and embarrassed for recording me **while I was showering**. She stopped responding to me when I asked how she would feel if I were to poke a camera through her shower without warning while I recorded and ignored her requests to turn it off.
​
TL;DR had privacy exposed because my parents wanted to diagnose a shower leak while I was actively showering. As a teenage boy I feel massively violated and embarrassed. My parents seem to find nothing wrong with it. I feel so disgusted.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
OalRAoHNNMJUJxgf5ewUg8i46Ojghfhp
|
a1824p
| null |
AITA CBD oil
|
So I work on a hospital unit, and there is a nurse I cannot stand. She's stupid, flighty, unreliable and more than once, downright dangerous. She's been reported multiple times, but for whatever reason we can't get rid of her. Whatever. She is selling CBD oil, as well, which in the first place I believe is a MLM, but I also don't entirely believe all the hype. I told her so one day a few months ago and she whirled around to insist that it's not a scam, it's "only $60/mo so it's not that expensive!"
Now, maybe a RN who used to be married to a prominent MD and who only has one child can swing $60/mo on top of everything else, but I can't. Even if this is a wonder drug, I can't afford it, so why even bother? I'm having a lot of back pain from two slipped discs, I have joint problems, anxiety, depression, etc. and I haven't been sleeping. She's pushing the oil on me again, and I've pretty much just ignored her even as she's pulling out this bottle to give me (which I don't think should be out at my desk anyway) and promising it'll fix everything and she can make sure I can get it "painlessly" in the future...
But dammit, I don't want to be dependent on someone I can't stand for something I need, and I'm torn between calling crockery on the stuff and being afraid it -will- fix everything and I won't be able to get it. I'm trying to just not engage with her, but I'm not sure how long I'll be able to before she demands a response. I just want her to leave me alone about it, but I feel like an asshole for not falling over with thank you's and everything... I don't WANT to have anything to do with her, but I have to be civil for work, which I can manage, but that's about all I can promise.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
CJZCJuid1sjvNR8Sl8RlJ6pbcx3lP7PT
|
b21n1o
|
{
"description": "not wanting to do my MIL's laundry",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to do my MIL’s laundry?
|
She hasn’t had a washer and dryer in years, her apartment isn’t set up for one, they have one at her complex but “her wrists are weak” and she “can’t stand for that long,” according to my husband. Which may be true. He’s been doing her laundry for 15+ years. Now that we’re married, we’ve been doing it the last year at the laundromat. Now we have a washer and dryer and I told him I didn’t sign up to do her laundry, so he can bring it over and do it. I also do a lot of the chores around the house and feel I shouldn’t have to add hers to my list, but he’s been man-helping (helping when I ask, mostly doing it right) recently. He said I did sign up because I married him. Am I a jerk for not wanting to do his mother’s laundry?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
e4olmfBSThoOjytxIeYuFaxoSCzPteJu
|
b378nf
|
{
"description": "going after a girl my friend said he was done talking to but really wasn't",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For going after a girl my friend said he was done talking to but really wasn’t?
|
I wanna start of by saying this is my first time ever posting and I am ready to accept any judgement.
We met this girl recently. Let’s address her as G. So G is a very good friend and ive started to catch feeling for her but my friend told me had caught feeling for her so I backed off. A couple months pass and he tells me he stopped talking to her because she said she wasn’t looking for a relationship. I start talking to her and we immediately spark.
We flirt with each other and talk a lot but yesterday my friend saw me and G getting really close and he started talking about how he’s been trying to get her and he feels like I betrayed him. I never meant to hurt him because he’s a very close friend. I’ve stopped talking to G for the past days and I’ve apologized. It’s very vague but I’m not really good at writing so I apologize for that.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "starting asking for money from my sister out of the blue",
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|
WIBTA if i start asking for money from my sister out of the blue?
|
My sister and I have been sharing a Netflix account for the last 2-3 year. Due to the upcoming membership fee increase,I have to pay $12.99/monthly on the upcoming month.I been trying to start saving some money, after looking at financial statement.i know I should have ask her to pay half of it ,when she ask me to use it in the first place. But I didn't,I fucked up on my end.
SO.....
WOULD I BE THE ASSHOLE? if I ask her out of the blue to at least pay half the subscription(i.e- at least $6 or $4)?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "breaking up with my ex of 3 years when he said he stayed with me for money",
"pronormative_score": 10,
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|
AITA for breaking up with my ex of 3 years when he said he stayed with me for money?
|
I broke up with this guy about 6 months ago, and we were in a serious relationship for almost 3 years. A while back, my family lost everything as a result of bad business decisions, and I was working multiple jobs while trying to keep my GPA at 4.0. While all this is happening, my ex would play the pity card and tell me he doesn’t have enough money/not pay the expensive food bills etc.
He also once took money out of my account without telling me, and his excuse was “I didn’t think it was necessary”. He doesn’t work, he doesn’t do well in school, and doesn’t try to improve himself as a person. He also didn’t bother helping me get food when I was throwing up all over the place due to a bad gastritis attack from working long and stressful hours and hadn’t had anything to eat for a day. He proceeded to berate me for working too much and taking on more than I can handle.
Eventually he told me he stayed with me for money because our relationship was taking a bad turn (I didn’t want to have sex) and so he needed something to cling onto. He expected me to be fine with it, and called me a hypocrite when I wasn’t because I “didn’t like the honest truth” that I always advocated for. Now he won’t stop telling people that I’m the terrible person who broke his heart. Oh, and all this while, he was basically cheating on me with people on role play forums playing out sick fantasies, which I found out after the breakup. He showed absolutely no remorse. He then said that I shouldn’t give up on this relationship because I’m just walking away from a commitment.
He did help me out a little, and was patient with me throughout. But I felt like it doesn’t justify his behavior...
So, AITA for not forgiving him and giving up on the relationship?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "fighting these group of kids",
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AITA for fighting these group of kids?
|
So this is a leading title that will need some context so you get the full picture. So this happened to my friends and I when I was studying abroad in this European country. Essentially some of our friends from the US were visiting us that week because they were on break for Thanksgiving.
One night we were walking back from the clubs/bars between 3am-4am when these group of local guys started to harass us. It all started because one of my friends who was visiting has a very boisterous laugh and he was laughing past these group of guys at whatever conversation we were having . These locals thought we were laughing at them for whatever reason and started coming at us, yelling curse words their native language. So they keep yelling and following us and it got to the point where it became to much. We were being restrained because we were all in a different country where, if the police were ever involved they would most likely take the side of the locals. For the record before this we were mugged at knife point in a different city in this country.
Then the moment when we knew it was “serious” was when they all TOOK OF THEIR BELTS( I shit you not) and started swing them at us with the buckle end .We were so confused because we NEVER saw something like that. At that point it was flight or fight and we chose fight. We all ended up fighting, however my friends and I handled ourselves well. Once it was all over not was knocked out or seriously hurt it was your normal drunken fight. However in the end we had no problem handling them because they were smaller than we were, you could say we “won”. The caveat is, they were clearly under the age of 18. I would put them in the range of 16-17, however in this particular country they are allowed to drink and be out.
Are we assholes for fighting these kids? For reference we were all aged 19-21.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not cleaning the house",
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|
AITA for not cleaning the house?
|
Before me and my GF moved in together I told her I hate cleaning, I despise it and I won't do it, I will give a hand from time to time but that's it! It wasn't meant just so I can afford being lazy, but when we were living each in our own apartments she would clean every 2 days because she likes it clean and I don't really care much, I would give the house a serious clean like once every 3 months (I know, but meh) and maybe sweep every few weeks IDK.
But like I said, I made sure to make it clear to her before we moved in together that I don't wanna clean much because that's what I'm used to, and if she feels the need to keep the house clean to her standards that's fine but don't ask me to do it because I don't care. I made it clear because that's the last thing I wanted us to fight about when we moved in together.
We moved in, things were going along fine, I agreed to do the dishes (which I do every single day), I also sweep the house from time to time on my own accord, and do random cleaning stuff for her sake (cause I couldn't care less, screw cleaning).
Lately I had a lot of time off from college and work, so I've been home a lot, and ever since she enters the house after she's done with her work or w/e and she's clearly pissed because I didn't clean. I didn't say much and tried to clean a bit more for her sake, but today it was like the 10th time she had that fucking sour face on because I didn't sweep the house. I told her she didn't even ask me to, and that we've talked about this before we moved in, but she says that because I live in the house I can't afford not to clean and that she can't believe I couldn't take some time off studies (was studying for a test tomorrow) to sweep the house.
So obviously I got super upset, I feel like I shouldn't have to do that, I think I'm trying enough for her sake and doing stuff around the house much more frequently than when I was living on my own, and I got super fed up with her sour face cause I didn't clean. We had a big fight and honestly wanted to ask, AITA here?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "being annoyed at a compliment my boyfriend received",
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|
AITA for being annoyed at a compliment my boyfriend received?
|
So my boyfriend (27m) and I (23f) had a massive two and a half hour argument on Saturday. We had made plans for him to have dinner with my family and he had bailed an hour and a half before I’d asked him to be there. The crux of the argument was that he felt I didn’t understand his workload and put pressure on him to catch up a lot, and I felt that he was failing to communicate, and if he didn’t want to see me he just needed to say no., and not wait until the last moment. We ended in an unsettled agreement and haven’t talked for two days. After talking/seeing each other everyday most weeks, this is unusual and upsetting for me. But in an effort to understand his workload and to recognise that I had heard what he was saying in the argument, I left him alone.
I should also mention that I’ve been really sick with the flu this week so I’ve been pretty miserable.
Anyway come to last night and there comes a stream of Facebook posts from my boyfriend that are a mix of complaining about burnt coffee and being happy some of his big assignments are done. Amidst the Facebook posts he writes this:
“Today was a good day. Also didn’t mind the couple of cute girls complimenting me on my appearance on the way home to finish it off”
This annoyed me. He hasn’t talked to me in two days since the huge fight and this status made me feel really insecure. I rang him this morning and gently brought up that posting something like that on Facebook really made me feel bad, especially after a huge fight we hadn’t quite healed from yet. He got really angry at me and said that I was taking away from something nice someone had said to him and that he wasn’t going to stop posting things like that if someone showed him random kindness. I stressed to him that I was happy someone had complimented him, but that him specifically mentioning they were cute girls made me feel insecure after our fight. He disagreed and hung up on me.
So AITA here? I don’t know if I’m feeling overly sensitive from being sick and not talking to him much this week. If I am in the wrong I just want to know so I can apologise.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "reminding my wife about soap we already had",
"pronormative_score": 7,
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|
AITA [36M] for reminding my wife [34F] about soap we already had?
|
I came home tonight and my wife was telling me about her day. One item she recalled was going to target, and she specifically mentioned getting meyer's clean day soap. The last time meyer's clean day soap was purchased was the first time we purchased it for our house - she specifically requested for me to get it. I had asked, "which variety" and she had told me, "any" I then, like an idiot got different varieties of dish and hand soap, ruining the aesthetic she was trying to present in our kitchen. (never expressed to me. No fight from this)
Anyways, that left us with extra of this expensive dish soap, which I thought we would use next and just get matching hand soap for that time.
So, she mentions she got new dish and hand soap, and I replied with "ooh, remember that I got that other one last time that we should probably use?"
Her tone then becomes annoyed with me and she says that's not the one she likes and she got the variety she likes. At this point, I'm confused because regardless of whether it's her favorite variety or not, we should use that first. However, now I'm feeling a heavy bad attitude coming from her - my assumption (from our usual poor communication) is that she feels accused of a bad memory or lack of observation in our daily life by me. (She thinks I'm saying she didn't remember we had the extra soap and that she's stupid for it.)
So, after asking why she's perturbed, and verifying it is because she is upset about me asking a question about whether she may have forgotten the extra soap (she told me that my questioning of her was rude/offensive) I try to explain myself in hopes of setting the record straight, because I had absolutely no intention of passing any judgment about whether she knew the soap was there or not. 3x I explain that me asking why she got new soap was not me accusing her or having a poor memory or not being observant, and that it was simply because I could easily imagine MYSELF forgetting the extra soap was there that I asked that question. Each time, she answers in a fashion that ignores my explanation, and only escalates her frustration with me. I am remaining calm in my explanation the entire time, and quite honestly, begging to be understood.
Probably shouldn't have bothered explaining, but not being understood makes me feel utterly empty and disrespected / marginalized / villainized.
Anyways, this ends in her giving me "advice" as to how I could approach the situation better, while she spoke of each of us only being able worry about ourselves in the situation and that the only way something like this would improve in the future was for us both to work on our own end. (which I agree with, but paired with the "advice" to me on how to approach it, and no outward recognition about what she could have done different to help, seems quite hypocritical.)
Anyways, AITA?
Any thoughts are appreciated here. I really need the sanity check, even if it's hard truth for me to face.
Thank you.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "playing along with jokes making light of suicide in the presence of suicidal people",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for playing along with jokes making light of suicide in the presence of suicidal people.
|
So, I sit at this table with two other guys in an class. One of them is depressed and possibly suicidal (lets call him “T”) and the other is edgy and dark humored(lets call him “L”). L frequently jokes about serious topics like suicide and depression, with such enthusiasm that nearly the entire class can hear it, and have told him to stop several times (He doesn’t). He sits right across from T who is like I said depressed and maybe suicidal and sensitive , and T can hear everything L says. T doesn’t laugh at most of these jokes, but does not tell L to stop. I enjoy L’s humor and I frequently play along and laugh at it, sometimes to the point where I am unable to do work due to being preoccupied with laughing. An example of L’s humor is “Suicidal people are just (life’s) speed-runners”. I do try to get L to have a bit more discretion, especially when it is rather dark, but sometimes it is just too funny, and I know that I probably am an asshole, but I wanna make sure since I told this situation and that joke to my other friend (who has attempted suicide) , and he laughed at it, but he said that I would possibly have to take some form of burden in the case T ends himself in part to my involvement in L’s jokes, which is an undesirable effect for me.
AITA for playing along with L’s humor in the immediate presence of T?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "telling a group of black women to go to the back of the line after they cut to join some friends",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for telling a group of black women to go to the back of the line after they cut to join some friends?
|
So it’s about 1:30 or so on a Saturday night in Philadelphia. We’re all waiting in a long ass line at a cheesesteak place, if you’ve ever hit one after the bars you’ll know the scene I’m trying to describe.
We’ve been waiting maybe 15 minutes when 4 African American girls squeeze past us and join two friends that were in front of us. If it was one or two I’d have been okay but 4 was a bit much. So I said “Hey, what the fuck go to the back of the line like everyone else!” One girl starts saying “Why, because I’m black??” And another friend starts recording me saying I’m a racist MF and all this other crap. For reference, I am not black, but their race didn’t matter I would have said this to anyone.
Employee yells what the fuss is all about and the group starts screaming that I’m being racist. I then get told to leave, which I do.
I probably should have just let the cutters go since I got told to leave and didn’t get a delicious cheesesteak, and I probably should have asked nicer to get to the back of the line. Am I the racist a hole here?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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aq06ca
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{
"description": "letting my exes cats die",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for letting my exes cats die?
|
When I met him I told him I was deathly allergic to cats. Hence why I never went to his house, he always visited me. Eventually he wanted to move in together and I told him his cats couldn’t live in the house. He was mad. I have no issue personally with cats and his were very sweet but I have never found an allergy medicine that overpowers my allergy. I literally will end up in the hospital if a cat gets up in my face. My eyes and throat swell. I tried helping him find a new home for them. He kept guilting me saying I was giving him an unfair ultimatum. I never said he HAD to move in with me. He decided to keep the 2 cats but outside. They ended up getting hit by a car. I felt terrible and he constantly guilted me about it. Even now, I found out he’s been running around telling people how horrible I am for making him give up his precious cats that kept away his depression and all this without telling people I was deathly allergic. Am I the asshole for letting him leave his cats outside? He makes it seem like I’m a terrible person. I absolutely love animals but I simply can’t be around cats and he wanted to live together.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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achnxx
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{
"description": "calling my colleagues disgusting for leaving clean dishes on the drying rack in the office kitchen",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for calling my colleagues disgusting for leaving clean dishes on the drying rack in the office kitchen?
|
Not me, so I hope this is allowed.
Arrived at the office today to an email with the subject: **Have we had squatters overnight!!!**
It included phrases like " The kitchen drainer this morning was disgusting" and "the individuals who left it in this state and think this is acceptable should be utterly ashamed!"
They then sent a photo round of the "evidence".
I thought it was ridiculous but my bf says although a bit strong, is fair enough. So I am interested in the judgement of Reddit - asshole or not?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "telling a railway worker to \"have a fucking shit day\"",
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}
|
AITA for telling a railway worker to "have a fucking shit day"?
|
AITA... A little bit of context.
​
I live and work in London and use a contactless method of paying for my travel to and from work. For those that are not from the UK a contactless system calculates the cost of your journey based on where you tap 'in' and where you tap 'out'. A one way journey costs me £3.20.
On this particular day I forgot to tap 'in' when I got the train to work. The way this system works means that if you tap out without first tapping in, it calculates your journey cost as the maximum price in order to stop people abusing the system. Therefore tapping out would have cost me \~£10 (I'm not sure of the specific amount). On the journey I had realised my mistake and wanted to avoid having to pay the maximum fare and so went to speak to a railway employee.
He listened to my explanation and my plea for help and then asked for my contactless card. After recieving my contactless card and checking that I didn't tap 'in' he informed me that taking a journey without a ticket is subject to a £20 automatic fine. He then proceeded to fine me £20 on the spot, using my contactless card to pay. Therefore I ended up paying £20 instead of the £10 that I would've paid if I had just tapped out.
By asking for a railway worker to help me in a situation where I had genuinely made a mistake I had inadvertantly cost myself £10. I was so pissed off by this situation that after the railway worker fined me I told him that I hope he has a "fucking shit day" as well as some other colourful.language directed at what I think is a fucking ridiculous system.
So Reddit, AITA for telling this railway worker to have a fucking shit day?
​
TLDR: forgot to pay for train travel, admitted my mistake, was charged 6x my usual fare, took my anger out on the asshat of a railway worker.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{
"description": "rewriting house rules for my last semester of college",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for rewriting house rules for my last semester of college?
|
AITA for wanting to implement the rules below?
I've lived with current roommate for over a year, things didnt start to get bad until like September-October of 2018. I live in a house with my boyfriend, and our roommate. We are all college students.
Roommate is constantly having guests over without telling us, but it isnt just like any other situation. These guests come over AFTER 10pm (when im normally in bed) and stay until the early morning. They are also loud, and I have a dog that barks when anyone enters the house. Roommate is an aspiring DJ and always playing loud music. He meets women on dating apps and has them into our home to spend the night, constantly. It used to literally be a different woman every day. Now its a new woman every week. He has no sense of cleanliness, meaning, he doesnt ever think anything is dirty therefore he doesnt care to clean. He is a complete night owl, waking up at 2-4pm and going to bed between 4-6 am.
Now, i understand we are just different people leading different lives and we all have different goals.
However this is my last full semester of college and I am in 27 credit hours. Yes, 27. Obviously my life is about to be dedicated to school, and sleep, not much else.
With that said, I am debating drafting a 'Spring 2019 House rules' sheet because I am tired of having to ask him if he has guests, or telling him to turn the music down, etc.
Roommate stress is the very last thing I need to be worrying about this semester.
The agreement would consist of things like:
All members of house must be aware of incoming guests-- overnight or not (so fucking tired of walking downstairs in my robe and he's got a group of friends over)
Headphones must be used past midnight (the bass drop wakes me up. not the music, the vibrating bass.)
No guests (except lady friends in the bedroom) allowed over after midnight on school nights (cant be loud if theyre not there)
Cleaning rotation implemented (cleaning floors, counters, etc)
No smoking blunts downstairs (shared space, I am trying to quit smoking)
We are not currently under any lease, i've debated just kicking him out, but as this semester started today I've decided its better to just make this semester as smooth as possible, which I think would be easiest under clearly defined rules.
I assume many people will say its unfair to me to limit what someone else can do in their own home (I own the house, he is tenant, there is a power imbalance), but our original lease agreement (expired last june, didnt care to renew) stated similar rules, he just rarely followed them, and it didnt bother me until it started happening more and more frequently.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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{
"description": "wanting a set of Pokémon games back from my friend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting a set of Pokémon games back from my friend?
|
My old 2DS’s (handheld video game system) battery broke about a year ago. I ended up replacing the battery but my mom had bought me a new 2DS already. My friend, who didn’t have any Nintendo game consoles except for the Wii, expressed interest in the old 2DS. I agreed, as at the time we were pretty close, considering each other best friends. Along with the 2DS I gave him some Pokémon games that he’d always expressed interest in. This included: Pearl, White, Y, Alpha Sapphire, and Moon. Each of these games roughly cost $40 for me to buy. I cherish each of these but felt that I could do without them since I had either beaten them or had the alternate versions of each copy (For non-Pokémon nerds, most Pokémon games get sold in pairs with the two games virtually the same besides minor differences)
Fast forward to earlier this week. I made some meme about one of the Pokémon you can encounter in the games. My friend responded, very confused, and wondered what the heck the Pokémon was. It was a fairly common and recognizable Pokémon creature so I was kinda confused. I grew suspicious and hated asking him so, but questioned him in a joking manner “Have you ever even actually played the games?” He flat out said no, and included that he doesn’t know where the 2DS went. I’m glad he responded honestly, but part of me felt very betrayed.
One could use the excuse that he’s just busy and hasn’t gotten around to them, but he’s consistently Online, playing some sort of Xbox game. I was furious, as I had spent a lot of money on these games. I asked him for the games back if he never was gonna play them, as I wanted my money’s worth and my games back. He kinda just responded half-heartedly, not caring. I haven’t heard back from him since and probably won’t unless I bring the conversation back up.
I know a gift is a gift and that it would be terrible to take it from him, but it also upsets me that he never used it or thought about doing so. I also don’t wanna tarnish our friendship over something as stupid as a video game. Am I the asshole for asking for the games back?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "wanting to exclude my 'friend' out of our friend group",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to exclude my ‘friend’ out of our friend group?
|
Okay I know the title makes me sound like the biggest A-hole already,,, but there’s more to it. So, for some background- I’ve only known this guy for around a year and a half. He has a massive crush on me (not being like that, he’s expressed it to me multiple times verbally) and kinda... well, fake.
Anyway, I feel he should be excluded for many reasons, but the main reason is because of his transphobia and (kinda) homophobia. He’s constantly starting arguments about how being trans is ‘weird’, ‘wrong’, and how he ‘doesn’t understand it’. He’s also constantly calling me and some others a faggot. By the way, I’m pansexual and try to be as active I can in the LGBTQ+ community and HE KNOWS THAT. I’ve talked to him about it multiple times and every single time I do, the only thing he gives me is a sorry. And it’s definitely not genuine. Another reason is about his crush on me. He’s asked me out over and over, each time me saying ‘No’ as politely possible. He won’t stop! He’s even resorted to calling me ‘babe’ and telling other’s I an his girlfriend. It’s slightly scary, especially since I’ve rejected his moves multiple times. The last reason I’ll cover is that ‘he’s fake’ statement. This’ll be brief cause my phone’s dying. For an example, one day he flat out ignored me and our other friend. Yeah we we’re a little upset cause we were tryna hang out with him. But we talked it out and he FLIPPED out- saying how we were being over dramatic and it’s a stupid reason to get upset over. Mind you, a couple month ago I had lost my phone and he got mad at me for a couple days because I wasn’t responding to him.
So, people of this subreddit, Am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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|
AITA for not telling my friend that he could be cheated on?
|
I’ve known this guy for 4 years, he’s my best friend to date. About 2 months ago he started dating this girl and he likes her very much. However, there’s a rumor saying that the lady is messing around with other guys, and I don’t know how true it is. I heard this from other friends who are closer to the lady but I’m not 100% convinced. AITA for refraining this Information from my friend?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "telling my husband that I dont feel comfortable with him playing music with his old bandmate",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 7
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|
WIBTA if I told my husband(30m) That I(28f) dont feel comfortable with him playing music with his old bandmate (30f).
|
So when I first met my husband he played guitar he had tried to pursue a music career for a few years after high school but had recently just given that up to go back to college. That's where we met, college. Fast forward we've been together for 10 years married for five with one kid. Slowly over the years my husband has kind of stop playing his guitar. He will pick it up maybe two times a year. Instead he's picked up lots of other hobbies including homebrewing and hunting, that take up his free time.
We recently moved to a new city, and he's been talking about wanting to start playing music again. I was all for it and supportive but then he started talking about playing and meeting up with this particular bandmate. There have been some weird stuff with her that makes me uncomfortable here are the bullet points.
• when my husband and I first started dating 6 months in, he went down to hang out with some friends. We kiss goodbye say I love you. All good. He ends up taking mushrooms with said girl and they have a long talk about what they want in life. He decides (while talking to her) that I'm fake?? and he needs to break up with me. Two weeks later we get back together because he is miserable without me. We've been together ever since.
• A few years later the girl came to visit us for two weeks while dealing with some family stuff. She was weird the whole time she visited. She refused to talk to me. She would text my husband when he was at work asking if she could have some of our milk when I was sitting on the couch in the next room and could have asked me. It was weird
• my husband secretly sent her flowers on Valentine's day. He sent them anonymously, as a supportive friend but he hid it from me. I only found out because the florist sent him a postcard the next year reminding him to buy another bouquet for Valentine's Day. Lucky for him the website still had the old order and I could read the message he sent her. It wasnt romantic, just him being supportive of a friend going through a hard time. I forgave him.
WIBTA if I told him I was too uncomfortable with him hanging out with this person? I don't want to be that controlling wife who dictates who her husband can hang out with but I can't help but see the red flags and feel uncomfortable.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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"description": "lashing out at my class mates",
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|
AITA for lashing out at my class mates?
|
So at college we’re a small group but people mug me off and throw my hat around (it was black and now it’s faded and dirty because of it).
I’ve tolerated it and laughed it off most of the time but today I thought enough is enough and stood up for myself and everyone got all pissy at me, next thing you know (let’s call him Charlie) Charlie goes to take my hat again so I give his arm a hard slap and he said ‘watch afterwards’.
I then got into an argument with everyone and I just left it after while. Am I the asshole here or have these people got a massive case of ‘can give it but can’t take it’?
Sorry if it doesn’t make sense, I’m bad at explaining stuff lol
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "reacting so cold",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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AITA for reacting so cold?
|
Good day all of you.
So this just happened a few minutes ago and I'm a bit torn, about if I am the asshole here now and should apologize.
My Grandma died nearly 2 years ago. My mum was an only-child, my parents are divorced and she has no current partner and my grandpa is dead for over 7 years now, so my grandmother was the last close relative left besides me and my sister to my mother.
She fell into really heavy mourning, cried for months every day and still isn't over it yet, crying whenever a memory of her mother is brought up.
We all suffer from her loss, but it's not comparable to what she went through and is still going through.
Today she met with a friend of hers, who also knew my grandma.
Out of the blue she (the friend) suddenly started talking about my grandma. Like, in short: "I don't know if I should tell you, but I think it's important for you to know. Today at the parking lot where I last met her I saw her again. She seemed to be happy and wants to let you know, that she is fine". All that medium esoteric bullshit stuff.
My mum (who is very gullible) was totally thrown of the track and called me, after she left.
As I heard what she told me I was quite pissed inside, but didn't comment and only gave my opinion, as she asked me for it.
What I told her was' "Well, you know what I think of all this esoteric stuff. I think it's incredible insensitive to make up such bullshit. It's tasteless, to say something like that for whatever reason".
My mum quickly changed the subject, but noticeably more quiet and after we hung up only responding very short and pragmatic.
I don't believe in any kind of mystery-magical-ghosty-stuff, so to me it's clear that the friend of hers made this stupid story up for what ever reason and I can't comprehend why someone would do that. I don't think it's comforting, imo it's just totally wrong. But now I keep thinking I might be TA for telling my mum. I don't think lying about such things is appropriate, but it seemed to disappoint her, that I brushed it off as nonsense.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{
"description": "going no contact with my mother when I have ao old who she hasn't met",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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|
AITA for going no contact with my mother when i have a 3mo old who she hasn't met?
|
I recently went no contact with my mother after, from my perspective, a difficult and stressful five years. This is a long one with a lot of context and backstory, so please bear with me.
My parents got divorced five years ago and things were messy. My parents tried turning us children against the other parent. By in large the majority lf the lying and manipulation came from my mom. My dad isn't perfect and is a little weird but he at least I can understand him. My mother on the other hand has become someone I can't trust to tell basic truths.
Here are some highlights of our relationship during the past five years:
Divorce my dad after years of her cheating on him (at least 3 men)
Accept a marriage proposal from my dad as he’s trying to fix things
Secretly get engaged to another man, marry him shortly thereafter
New husband tries to become my dad, becomes verbally abusive when I refuse that offer. Mom takes his side.
She tries to turn me against my dad, saying he had emotional relationships with women on the internet. Probably true, but she’s forgetting the plank in her eye.
I learn that there have been 3+ other men, one of which could possibly be my real dad
I suffer depression and go to therapy because I realize my happy childhood was a lie (at least that’s what I was thinking)
She lies and says she and the new husband got a divorce. Among other evidence, she eventually has to sign my car title (which we were both on and requires both sigs to sell) and signs it with her new married name.
Secretly move new husband into her home
Plans trips to my city and stays in my home without asking if I am okay with that, considering I don’t trust her anymore.
Attempts to buy my affection with expensive items (ex: living room furniture set)
Calls about twice a week to check up. I try to ghost most of them. I know this is immature, but I get a huge wave of anxiety from seeing “Mom” on the incoming call.
Wife and I have a baby, and she begins planning a week or two long stay at my house to “help.” Again I don’t trust her, especially to take care of my newborn.
Brother finds facebook profile of the new husband (same one she “divorced”) with posts of them together buying a house, and them at a family reunion for his family. When confronted with this, she lies, makes excuses, and takes down the posts and untags herself from the photos.
That brings us to current, where my wife and her mother are pressuring me to forgive my mother and stop being so cruel by keeping the grandmother away (my brother and his wife plan on having no kids, so I might have the only grandkids in the family). My stance is that now that I have a child, I would never treat them like I was treated and lied to. I do not trust my mother still, and especially if she were left alone with my child.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "being disappointed that my boyfriend is taking me out to eat instead of giving me a Christmas present",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being disappointed that my boyfriend is taking me out to eat instead of giving me a Christmas present?
|
I spent a lot of time thinking about what to get him for Christmas (I wanted it to be both useful and something he'd actually like) and ended up getting him a book relevant to one of his hobbies. He was incredibly happy with it and has almost read it already. He told me he'd been thinking about what to get me, and now, a couple of days later, he texts me "Is it okay if I take you out to eat as a Christmas present?" I know it's so ungrateful, but I just can't help feeling disappointed and unappreciated that he can't even be bothered to spend a little bit of time thinking about what I might like. I don't give a damn about monetary value, either, I was just hoping he'd put it the tiniest amount of effort to show that he appreciates me, like I did for him :(
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HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "making my sister upset",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for making my sister upset?
|
I got finally old enough to get a part time job. I was really looking forward to it and I even got one. It obviously isn't a thing I would like to stick to for my entire life, but I still love it.
I would love to become a doctor one day. My younger sister, though, doesn't think I'm able to achieve it. (Please note that she was 12 and I was 15 at the time)
One day when I was talking about my part time job and school, she told me to stop trying both at school and work since I'll end up making fries in McDonald's anyways (no offence to McDonald's workers, that was just what my sister said). So I told her that, unlike her, I at least do have a job. Our parents heard it and got furious at me since she's too young to even get a job. I tried to explain to them that I was just defending myself, but they wouldn't listen and would yell at me and urge me to apologize to her. I did not.
AITA for not apologizing to her and not regretting what I said?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "not letting FIL stay with us longer after we evicted him",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting FIL stay with us longer after we evicted him?
|
So the story is my FIL(51) has been living with my husband(30) and me(30) since September of 2018 when he was released from prison on parole. The only way they would let him out is if he stayed with us in our state.
He smokes and he’s an alcoholic which husband and I don’t really care about. We only said he couldn’t smoke in the house or close around our toddler and baby.
He doesn’t smoke in the house but barely. House smells like cigarettes all the time. (I’m a former smoker so I give him leeway but it’s very loud). Even when my 3m old got rsv and we explained that smoke makes it worse he dgaf until we told him to take proper measures or else.
He took my 4y old to breakfast but he was drunk, doesn’t have a license or insurance. Husband okayed it so they were both at fault. Husbands normal Meter was damaged severely in childhood.
So a month later FIL is mad because we are placing (2) limits on him. He blew up at us saying he didn’t want to live with us anymore because I was a liar and a bitch because I hated him smoking (I’m a former smoker and my dad has smoked his whole life) and I lied about cps getting involved if he got a dui with our kid in the car, and I clearly hated him. His proof for my hate is because I don’t like the smell of his cheap beer. I also got mad at him when he smoked a cigarette and then immediately got into the car with my 4m old and 4y old.
I apparently also think I’m better than him because I told him I wanted the kids to go to college. My husbands’ family are mostly criminals and drug dealers. Which is their business! They live 5 states from me and I see them maybe once a year so I really could not care. My husband who grew up with a convict father, a drug dealer uncle, and alcoholics, who was constantly derided for doing something as lame as trying to get an education does not want his kids to be anything like his family.
FIL wishes he had stayed in home state or was homeless rather then spend one more second in my presence. He isn’t grateful for anything we’ve done (condition of him getting parole was him staying with us because we are stable, paying thousands to move him in with us, getting furniture, his job, paying for food, etc).
So I told him to get the hell out of my house then. He said gladly.
So now FIL doesn’t have any money, of course, and needs time-a week at least- to look for a place. Husband thinks we should just be polite until he leaves and then put him on very low contact. So he wants me to give him an extension.
I’m afraid that this could spin out for weeks and Im mad at him.
So am I the Asshole for telling husband he’s out of his mind to think I’m going to let FIL stay any longer?
I can give more info if needed. Had to keep it short.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "throwing my new assistant manager under the bus to our district manager",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I threw my new assistant manager under the bus to our district manager?
|
I’ve worked at a hardware store for going on 3 years now. I was there when Katy was first hired. Katy is fucking awful. She is always late. Needs shifts covered all the time. She slacks off and then the rest of us need to pick up her slack. All the time. She’s also rude as fuck. Like just mean spirited. There have been customer complaints about her.
The rumors are that she’s been fooling around with our store manager. There’s no proof of this. But this past week she was promoted to assistant manager.
She’s already letting the power go to her head. She made the schedule giving herself all the easiest times. Usually when the schedule is made you can request certain days off. Another coworker who is pregnant requested Tuesday off to go to a drs appointment. Katy told her no and that a lot of things are gonna be different now.
There’s no way Katy was promoted for her work. It’s just not possible. Everyone hate her because we’re all constantly picking up her slack. She’s rude to customers. It just doesn’t make sense that she was promoted.
The district manager is coming next week and a couple other employees want to pull him aside and talk to him about her. I really have no idea if the rumors about her and our store manager are true, but I really don’t see any other reason that she would be promoted. I kinda want to join in, but I’m conflicted because it feels shit accusing someone with no proof.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "not telling this woman her chicken was undercooked",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for not telling this woman her chicken was undercooked
|
So this happened a while ago but I wanted to get judgement on it.
My partner and I go to these events. Think Renaissance Faires except everyone there is a participant.
Another couple (husband and wife) who are friends with us go to these events more often than us and like to feed people for free. Let's call the wife G.
G was making a dish with chicken in it, and I could tell it was not cooked all the way. As I walked past she turned off the heat and starting finishing the dish. I walked over and told my partner that we shouldn't eat the food she'd made.
G's husband and at least few other people got food poisoning after eatin the dish.
I really did consider saying something to her, but she always one ups me. Whether it's about acadameia, how bad her illnesses are, how hard she had it growing up, how good she is at outdoor things, whatever. I really didn't want to argue about chicken cooked.
But I think that makes me the asshole because it was a health issue. So Reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{
"description": "telling a shop owner her flowers are fake and she has bad practices",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for telling a shop owner her flowers are fake and she has bad practices?
|
The title is a bit inaccurate but close enough. Me and my mum were at this small flower shop and saw that some cacti were sprayed on with glitter to the point where you couldn't see any actual green skin and others had superglued fake flowers. I commented really loudly (unintentionally, I have a really loud voice) to my mum about how tacky and bad for the plants it was. The shop owner must've heard and came up to us telling us how all the plants were real and stuff. She admitted that the cacti were sprayed but kept saying how the flowers were real. I argued really loudly and basically pointed to show where the superglue was, to which she laughed and then left.
This is really petty but was I an asshole for shouting at her or should I have just kept my mouth shut. I mean as a plant lover I was horrified but lots of large stores do this so I guess maybe I should have let it be?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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axo8ft
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{
"description": "not helping my mother financially after she helped me in the past",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA if I don’t help my mother financially after she helped me in the past?
|
My (28F) mother (64F) is looking for a new apartment, and she reached out to me asking for help finding a place in her budget, as well as some financial assistance should she need it. She has helped me with money in the past when I was in a rough spot so I was on board to help her. I started sending her links to apartments and asked her to give me an idea of what her budget was.
​
This is where I’m at a loss, she gave me a run down, which includes the fact that she is still sending 10% of her money to a religious organization.
This is a legit cult, that I was unfortunately born into. They are known was ‘The Family International’, used to be known as ‘The Children of God’ until they changed the name. My mother joined them when she was 22, and has never wanted to leave.
​
I left when I turned 18 and never looked back, got a job immediately and got my GED (I was home schooled, none of it was documented) My mother has been on welfare most of my life and she has helped me with money quite a few times when I was struggling.
​
I want to help her in whatever way I can, but it leaves a bad taste in my mouth knowing that she is still giving money to these people, that she’s asking me for money when she is giving hers away to a scam.
For more context, she is currently living with another ‘cult member’ but he has asked her to move out, and no other ‘cult members’ will take her.
​
**TL;DR** Mother asked for money, but is giving 10% of her income to a cult,
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a1j3oe
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{
"description": "chasing my friends' ex out of her dorm",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for chasing my friends' ex out of her dorm?
|
So around a month ago, my friend started dating this guy. They dated for two weeks and he stayed with her in her dorm. He’s not a student at our school, so she cooked for him, cleaned for him, etc while all he did was live off her. She even loaned him her car.
So imagine our surprise when she finds out that he cheated on her the whole time with another girl IN HER CAR. They obviously break up, and he starts dating the other girl. The other girl comes outside my friends’ dorm to “collect his stuff” and talk shit about my friend, and it’s all messy.
Come to find out, this guy is also cheating on the girl he cheated on my friend with. He sleeps with anyone he can sleep with. I personally think he’s the definition of trash but that’s just me.
So the other day, he comes to my friend’s dorm. He asks her what she’s cooking, and she gives him food (the fact she stills speaks to him appalls me as well, but anyways). He trashes my food and then says hi to me and my friend like we don’t hate him. Then, him and his friend (who I also have a problem with) go into her room.
My friend and I are in shock, and start discussing it. At first, we whisper, but I wanted to let him know how I feel. I shouted “wow do we really allow trash guys in this dorm” and “no one wants you here, leave” in the hall audibly so that he could hear it. Everyone in the suite could hear me, but it was obviously directed to one person. Him and his friend left, and it’s likely due to what I said.
While I know I was INCREDIBLY immature, I don’t really regret my actions because I think he’s a piece of shit who doesn’t consider the feelings of others, so why should I consider his feelings? To cheat on multiple women and stick around at this school just to sleep with girls and be dishonest is gross. But, obviously I’m biased.
I was wondering reddit’s opinion just out of curiosity.
tl;dr: Guy cheated on my friend in her car and every girl he‘s dated since then. My friend is seeing him again, and I shouted about trash guys loud enough for him to hear, and so he definitely knew it was him. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "falling asleep without texting my mom back",
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"contranormative_score": 6
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|
AITA for falling asleep without texting my mom back?
|
At the moment I am back home from college for spring break. For the record I am 19, I’ve been at college in a different state for about a year now and I normally only talk to my parents once or twice a week when I’m there. Anyway, last night I went to a friends house and texted my mom before she went to bed that I would let her know later if I was going to stay the night there, or if I was coming home. Then I started watching a movie with my buddies and fell asleep, forgetting to text my mom.
Around 7 my buddy wakes me up and says my mom has been banging on the door for 20ish minutes, and I see that I have like 15 missed calls from her. When I go upstairs she basically just calls me an asshole and leaves. She told me to stay there because she didn’t want to see me but I went home with her to try and smooth things out. She is livid and won’t talk to me, because she was worried for my well-being and took it upon herself to look for me. I totally get that she would be annoyed I forgot to text her, and I understand it’s because she cares about my well-being, but I feel like she overreacted. I’ve been largely independent for a while now and I would’ve thought she could have just assumed I fell asleep and talked to me in the morning. I feel bad though, and I’m wondering if there’s something I missed. So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
4Ky8i2UrNXXddMqUS7q3chTra1X6rSgK
|
aobtea
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend for opening up to me about her past abuse",
"pronormative_score": 39,
"contranormative_score": 74
}
|
WIBTA if I broke up with my girlfriend for opening up to me about her past abuse?
|
Throwaway for obvious reasons
I(20M) met my current girlfriend(19F) in high school. She is very smart, funny, nice, and beautiful. I felt very lucky that she showed interest in me and even eventually agreed to go out with me. Early into our relationship, guys were warning me around school not to get involved with her because apparently she had a reputation of being a tease. I never heard anything about it and I liked her too much to listen to that stuff. After 3ish months together and doing nothing beyond light kissing, I started to wonder if maybe the rumors were true. I asked her about it and she told me that she has that reputation because she comes from a religious background and doesn’t want to have sex before marriage. Guys always broke up with her when she refused to sleep with them and that’s why she never told me. I admit I was disappointed, but I didn’t care enough to stop going out with her. She was perfect in every other way and honestly she still is.
Over time though I started to notice that she isn’t that religious at all. I have no problem with that but I was frustrated that she was only religious in this one spot of her life. After 2 years together, I asked her about it. She told me that she does in fact want to have sex with me but after being raised with this mindset, it’s hard for her to shake it. She asked me to give her some time and she will be ready. Well, after about 2 years and 7 months together, she was finally ready. We started a sexual relationship. It sadly wasn’t at all like I’d been dreaming it would be. She was very timid in bed. She was only willing to do certain positions and most of the time it seemed more like a chore for her than something she wanted, even if she had been the one who initiated it. I’m not violent but I personally enjoy being a bit more aggressive in bed and she does not respond well to that at all. It started to believe that she is not attracted to me and this put a strain on our relationship.
Now we have been together 3 years and 3 months. She started attending therapy for her depression a few months ago which I fully supported, but something came out that I was not expecting. She sat me down and told me that in therapy she had been discussing previous sexual abuse she experienced. It was brutal stuff. I won’t go into detail out of respect but family members had raped her for years of her childhood. She explained that this is the reason for her holdups in bed, and she used religion as an excuse in our relationship because she didn’t want to tell me she had been abused (she’s never told anyone before, I’m the only person besides her therapist who knows) but she also didn’t want to have sex because it gives her PTSD. She cried as she told me about some of the sick stuff she went through, and promised to work on it so that our relationship will be stronger.. I felt a lot of emotions, mostly heartbreak.
It’s been about 2 weeks since the truth came out. I want to be there for her but I can’t help but look at her differently. I keep thinking about how much she lied to me over the years to keep this secret, and I don’t want to be angry about it but I sort of am. She has opened up to me a lot and I listen, but most of the time I don’t want to. I hate how what they did to her. I don’t want to hear about it, I miss how it was when I didn’t know. I hate admitting this but I wish she never told me. I don’t know how to respond to this, and I certainly don’t know how I’m supposed to help her. I don’t want to have sex with her anymore because I don’t want her to think of them while she’s with me. I’m afraid that she will bring it up when we are together. I feel bad because I’m the only one she can talk to about this besides her therapist also I recognize how much she must trust me to tell me this, I don’t think I’m the right guy to be with someone so damaged. When I thought she was just religious, I could get over that but now I realize that even if we are married one day, this will be a lifelong battle for her. And for me, as her partner.
She sensed my discomfort and asked me if it bothers me when she talks about it. I told her the truth, yes it does. She started crying and apologizing and I immediately felt guilty and told her I didn’t mean it. Since then she hasn’t brought it up again, she’s very quiet now. I regret saying anything.
Some part of me wants to run, I just would hate to lose someone so amazing. She really is the most amazing girl, I cannot say that enough. I know this abuse was not her fault at all. I’m wondering if this is a normal initial response from a S/O of sexual abuse or if I really am just an asshole. If it’s a normal response, I will stick it out longer and see how it goes. If I’m just an asshole who is going to keep feeling this way, I think I should break up with her. I still love her so much. If I break up with her now I’m also scared she will know that this is why and be scarred from opening up about it again forever.
WIBTA to leave her? WIBTA to stay? Idk.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 74,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 24,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 39,
"WRONG": 74
}
|
WRONG
|
goyhizRlUKJ2BWS4CfCZOgOcpcQtWKsG
|
b9jxxa
|
{
"description": "disregarding my parents",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For disregarding my parents?
|
I am typing on my phone and Swedish, apologises for obvious reasons.
Military Child
We moved to New Jersey back To Florida, and the New Jersey trip broke my fathers love for the military, and was the reason he ended up retiring, I was told we were going back to Florida for good, and that finally we were gonna live in one place for the rest of my childhood, this lasted six months.
The Florida job market was stale, nothing was worth staying in the state for, and according to my father we'd either have to move away to another state permanently or risk staying there for 10 months and if no job was found, going bankrupt. We moved to Texas
I was completely devastated that my father broke the promise that he told me and that I was moving away from the one place I always looked back at and called home,When we got to Texas I fell into a major depression of everyday mental breakdowns where I would just laugh and cry by myself, cutting and constant contemplation of you know, it wasn't good.
But then it changed, on the last year of middle school I found my first real friends and started getting more and more happy with myself, fast forward three to four years im a soon to be Junior in highschool who is relatively popular, I have a girlfriend and really close friends who I see as basically brothers. I was now finally promised by my Father that this would be our last home until I graduated
My parents faired far less, my father is not happy here and has had multiple and major anxiety issues, he is not in a job that he completely likes and is not in a totally great state of mind. His problems pale in compare to my mothers,
My mother left her only couple of friends in Sweden when she moved to the US, and then left her only friends in Florida to come here, she has no friends, no job, and gotten into a carwreck caused by my old classmate and now has a permanent damage in her neck, she constantly rants to me about how Texas is her hell and that it'll never be home to her, its gotten so bad that shes also admitted to me, her son that shes been contemplating divorce just so she can leave to Florida.
This is the first time I have felt real happiness in my life, the constant moving was hell to me and my parents now are threatening moving back to Florida cause they really don't like it here and claim that I am the sole reason they are staying and how I don't care how they are feeling, and in truth I really don't
They made constant hell for me moving me around place to place and I have FINALLY found a place I can call my home, I made up my mind that if we move to Florida again, that I would move immediately back when I turn eighteen and would also make this choice a mental hell for my parents There is no way that I can say through text how much Texas means to me, it means more to me than my parents do, and after this giant essay, AITA for it? And for abuntch of anonymous advice.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
WRONG
|
g3wolXlKLQr37PZjWwx9nKmyZnaShBUF
|
b1vv24
|
{
"description": "telling my mom she needs to hire a dog-sitter when she has family parties",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I told my mom she needs to hire a dog-sitter when she has family parties?
|
We have two dachshunds. Our house is very tiny, and our dogs are super annoying because they were never socialized and they never go outside unless it’s to pee. (I know. It’s awful, but I don’t live here full time.) I try to take them out and they’re either too anxious or one of them is now a senior and can’t walk too well.
My mom is currently throwing my niece a birthday party. She put both of the dogs in my bedroom. The whole party, everyone could hear them whining and barking. Then i realized how cruel that is. One of my dogs has an anxiety disorder (both come from not great homes) and I didn’t realize her whining and barking was from her being scared, not just her being annoying. I have been sitting in my room with my dogs for an hour now, and I finally got them to calm down. They went from nonstop barking and whining and running around to laying on the bed with me quietly. Every now and then someone will make a loud noise or my mom will speak and my dog with the anxiety disorder will get riled up.
I feel like this is so unfair to the dogs. Someone would happily watch the dogs for 4/5 hours for probably $40, which isn’t unreasonable for her. It would make the party a lot more enjoyable because the dogs wouldn’t be barking, and my dogs wouldn’t be alone and scared by themselves, and I wouldn’t feel obligated to miss out on the party to make them feel better and calm down.
Maybe I’m overreacting. I don’t think my mom would take this criticism well and she would blame the dogs for being annoying and say it isn’t her problem.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
haUNw2SGkPPDBAWdxAbUNB6eUpY6WEV1
|
b6bugg
|
{
"description": "saying that a joke sent in a Whatsapp group could be extremely offensive",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for saying that a joke sent in a Whatsapp group could be extremely offensive?
|
First things first, this might be a little hard to read, since english is not my mother language
I'm at my 1st year in university, and our class decided to create a whatsapp group to interact, get to know each other and talk about subjects that we all study
Sometimes, some off-topic comments are brought into the group, and I ussualy don't care about it, but this one got me right in the feelings
This guy sent an image that said "killing yourself is for weak people. Strong men marry and die slowly each day". The thing is, recently an aunt of mine commited it, and I am still very sensitive about it when it's brought by a stranger.
I calmly send a text that said "this group has 25 different people, with 25 different life stories. Please don't joke about something so serious as this" and went off for a couple minutes.
When I checked the group again they said that it was just a joke, and "you shouldn't be offended by everything" "watch out for this kind of things in your daily basis, you might get offended". I wasn't offended until this moment, I was just sad and send the text in case someone was going throught the same I am, but the fact that they said I was offended made me offended.
I said it's ok to joke about it in a group where you know everyone well, but not in one that you barely know someone, and then mentioned the fact that made me sad in the first place. He responded with "well you didn't said that in class" as the fault was mine.
I thought it was completely disrespectful of him to say this, so I returned to the 'joke' and responded "well, if you think is that hard to be with a woman, go find yourself a man" which is disrespectful if you consider the "conservative person" fact
Until this point I totally thought I was absolutelly right, but then this 3d person entered the conversation and said: "we shouldn't post everything in this group and we also shouldn't polemize everything. Let's keep it cool."
When I read it, I immediately thought if I overreacted about it, that I should've not continued after the 1st text or even just ignored the message and pretended it never happend
So AITA?
Tl;dr: someone send a killing yourself-sexist joke and I said it was unaproprit. It escalated
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
yJElu1KnOZu98d0jV9Ox8cutBYcvnadV
|
a7unln
|
{
"description": "returning my ex-bf's christmas gifts when he intends to give some to me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if i returned my ex-bf's christmas gifts when he intends to give some to me
|
i made a previous post on r/relationships about the state of us but basically i'm(18f) visiting canada with my mother to meet him(24m) for the first time. when my mom purchased the tickets ($2000+ for all expenses) we, me and my ex, were together.
i broke up with him and we both agreed to change that to a mini-break until i met him. all in all, he's unintentionally abusive but i still love him and im sure the feelings are mutual.
my mother has spent so much money on everything i already feel bad since we're not together anymore and don't want to give gifts to someone who hurts me emotionally/verbally.
yet i feel bad because i got his parents gifts. the expenses of the gifts is ~$150 and will take up a considerable amount of space in my luggage. i've also made art of his favorite singer but i plan on giving that to him regardless of what happens. but again, in the spirit of christmas, i don't want to be petty and hurt his parents or his feelings.
**tl;dr:** got my (now ex)bf gifts to give to him for christmas when i met him but i want to return them because they're expensive and would take a lot of space in my luggage.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
OMrviNdkY6tkItDpIIvMZjrlWbPx9eEH
|
a01y1s
|
{
"description": "continuing to date her when I know she wants something more serious than I do",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for continuing to date her when I know she wants something more serious than I do?
|
Been dating a girl on and off for a while. I'm not really looking for a relationship and I just don't think it's going anywhere. I've told her this before, and I'm pretty upfront about it. She says that it's fine but I know she wants it to turn into something more.
I've tried ending thing in the past because I'm pretty sure she is more attached to it than I am, but she reassures me she's fine with something less serious, doesn't care that I'm dating other people, etc.
We don't do much much besides sleep together. She'll get upset that we don't do much else, but when I say we should cool things off then she immediately is "okay" with it again. So the cycle repeats.
I'm not really dating lots of people, but I know that this person isn't long term so I keep that option open.
Am I the asshole for keeping this up?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
eT7YgRzX9zgkqA2scPGg1GYMuebw8ZAt
|
a5fth4
| null |
AITA my bf and I bought my ring, he's taken me to 3 romantic places recently (i get my hopes up) and then NOTHING. After the third time I told him to stop messing with my emotions, as it was exhausting. He said he should be able to do nice things for me, didn't know and apologized.
|
Also, the ONLY romantic things we've done in the last six months have ALL been since we got the ring...it's really upsetting to be excited and then try to be mindful of his feelings. So each time I said nothing, thinking he was nervous. After the third time I had to say something and he claimed he wasn't planning to propose at any of those places and had no idea I'd been excited for him to pop the question. So now I feel like an asshole for crying after the third time he did something SUPER romantic...I mean taking me out of town to my favorite places and shit romantic...but damn do I feel fucked with. Glad i told him so now he knows but I want to know AITA?
UPDATE: for anyone interested...he proposed two weeks after I posted this!! It was planned, it was perfect :)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 2
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
RIGHT
|
fXCsrX0H5CNm2TzdummHm5nKu0j4vgVE
|
azlyoy
|
{
"description": "having a child has nothing to do with money",
"pronormative_score": 49,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA, having a child has nothing to do with money?
|
My parents and friends are telling me M23 and my girlfriend F22, that money has no merit when deciding to have a kid. I told them this was not true and that I want to plan having a kid once I'm finicially stable so I can provide the child, my girlfriend agrees. We then discussed how much more expensive it is for the costs of living, and that having a child when you cant support them finicially ot can cause long lasting issues with the child. Am I the asshole for thinking the statement "money has nothing to do with raising a kid" is bullshit?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 40,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 49,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
NsdcvtKQUVPzknPJxAZpMLrfBR9BvSDZ
|
a3euog
|
{
"description": "leaving my cheating wife",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving my cheating wife?
|
This is more of just a sanity check, and I hope to god it is so ridiculous that is sounds like a shitpost.
And a short backstory on us. We were high school sweethearts that got married at 18 and are 48 now.
Last weekend I was out of town on a business trip and her work decided they wanted to throw their Christmas party early this year and had it that same weekend. I was a little bummed that I missed it because they are usually really fun and I like a lot of the people she works with, but no big deal.
Turns out my wife gets drunk at hooks up with one of the guys AT THE PARTY. Nobody caught them red handed but people noticed them being flirtatious and that they disappeared for a time. It was weird enough that I ended up getting a text from one of her coworkers warning me that something might be up and explaining the story.
So when I get back from my trip Monday evening I confront her about it and she admits to cheating. I tell her I will meet with an attorney this week to get the divorce filing started and I leave. She follows me crying saying that she is sorry and it was a mistake and so on but I still just walk away. I don't want to lose my cool or say anything I will regret so I leave without saying a word.
Yesterday she ended up calling my friends and family, whoever she could get a hold of and tries to guilt trip them into taking her side (that I should leave her), and some how it seems to be fucking working.
Most (not all but still more than half) are actually siding with her. Telling me that I should throw away a good marriage over 1 mistake and that I should work towards forgiving her. And that I need to think about our kids, ect.
I am sorry but cheating is not "a mistake". You don't accidentally fall on someone elses dick. It is a conscious decision to betray the person you claim to love and destroy all trust.
Our kids are 26 and 24 established adults, they can handle their parents getting divorced.
So am I really the asshole for leaving my wife?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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