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{
"description": "refusing money from my colleague",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for refusing money from my colleague?
|
Forgive me, this one is a little trivial but I still want to know that
So I'm working overtime today and the team suddenly decides to get pizza and chicken. We chipped in with whatever we're comfortable with, but we come up short so I decided to double my share out of my own accord because I can afford it, it's been a while since we last shared a meal together too. The whole time my colleagues teased this guy for giving the lowest possible amount and challenged him to match mine. He mentioned he doesn't have cash on him, and we still end up with the required amount to go ahead with it.
He later sent me a message and offered to give me back half my share tomorrow. I thanked him but declined the offer, and suggested to offer the money to another colleagues who shouldered most of it or to our boss who'll prolly divide it between whoever wants it but he kept on insisting I take it instead, over and over. I got angry and just stood my ground and replied back with "I don't want the money. Stop being pushy." BTW this person likes me, and he's been guilty of being a niceguyTM in the past. I know I shouldn't question his motives but it feels like an attempt to earn brownie points from a specific person, which is me.
I'll definitely apologise if I'm the asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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anz7tx
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{
"description": "being annoyed at this seller",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being annoyed at this Seller?
|
Last week of January, I'd found a guy selling Ram on FB marketplace. We scheduled a meetup. Early the day of, he asks to reschedule. Fine. We make plans for two days later. He misses the meet time and messages me 15 minutes late. Apologizes to me and says his work pulled him out of town. I assure him it's no problem and say I'm open to a reschedule. I'll admit, this confuses me because he says he works in the same plaza I do and to my knowledge there's no place here that has traveling employees (think strip mall with strip mall staples).
>
>
I don't hear from him until today, 2/6. It's a gap of 8 days. He asks if I'm still interested. I say yes. He apologizes again for not messaging earlier. I say it's no issue and he doesn't message me back.
Within a few hours... The listing is now marked as sold. >
>
I'm mildly annoyed. I've been nothing but patient. My snark comes out a little bit and I say "Lol so why message asking if I was interested when you sold it? That's pretty goddamn shitty."
>
>
I get back: "Faustus, I wish you held off saying that to me. I have more of that ram and I was going to message you directly. I did state in my sale that I have more in bulk of these if Interested. I just sold most of the ram to someone who bought in bulk. Selling to get money is somewhat a priority to anyone who wants to buy them."
>
>
Honestly, I no longer care about the ram. It's DDR3 for a laptop I'm probably replacing when my taxes come in. It was cheap enough for me to snag it and hope it tides me over. But am I wrong for getting upset this dude blew me off twice, shows up again, offers it and then sells it after asking me if I wanted it again? Also, if Selling it was a priority, wouldn't you have... You know... REACHED OUT TO ME, THE GUY WHO WORKS A CORRIDOR AWAY FROM YOU SOONER?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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| null |
AITA in this relationship?
|
Throwaway.
I've had an on and off relationship with my best friend since high school many years ago. We finally decided to go all in on December 2017 and get together because even when we were off again, we were still best friends.
I know now that it was a completely flawed relationship, and I wasn't happy for a long time. But I tried my best to handle things as rationally as possible.
A couple months ago, a member of her immediate family was diagnosed with cancer. We were both extremely grateful that it was treatable, and that the prognosis was really good, but this understandably had a major effect on my partner. I tried to comfort her as best I could, and also leave her alone when she wanted her space. The way I cope with stress is by talking to people I trust. The way she copes is alone time. So I stepped back whenever she needed that space.
The next couple months, our relationship really soured. She stopped showing interest in me personally, professionally, and sexually. She never asked me about my day, or how work was going, or responded to any advances I made. Some of the time when I would talk about what was going on in my life, she'd just nod and not really add anything. Most of the time, she'd just ignore what I was saying and change the subject back to her (what she was going at work/school, something funny a friend said/did, etc.).
At first, I totally understood. She was going through a rough time, I'd imagine I'd be stressed out with the family situation if the roles were reversed. The first two months of this, I told her I know she's going through a lot, but that I feel like she's not really showing interest in me recently, and that I'd feel a lot better if she did. She said she was sorry and that she'd work on it.
The next two months, nothing changed. She continued to show no interest in my life, and continued to change everything back to her and her life. Finally, I tell her that friendships and relationships have to be two-way. I am here to support her because I love her, and I hate when she's upset, but I needed my best friend who loved me too back.
She stormed off, and said I wasn't being very empathetic and supportive of her situation. The relationship was over. I told her I hate that she feels that way, because I really do want to support her, but I really felt like it was a one-sided relationship/friendship/love for months.
About a month later, she reached out to me, and we had a very awkward conversation trying to be normal friends again. But again, in this conversation, she doesn't ask me anything about my life, or work. She just talks about her work and her family (nothing bad, just stuff like 'oh my sister said x today and we all laughed so hard.'). So I'm responding to her, and eventually she stops responding to me.
We didn't talk again until three months later when she wished me a Merry Christmas.
At this point, I was pretty upset. I told her she hasn't spoken to me in three months, and that upset me. She said "well I was here this whole time." I remind her that I'm not the one that needs space when I'm upset, and that I wanted to give her the space she needed, but that taking three months of space is hurtful. She ended up saying that she knows the people that were there for her during this time in her life, and that it wasn't me. She said we can't be friends anymore because I failed to be empathetic to her situation. I ended up saying that I really believe that I couldn't have done anything differently on my end alone that would lead to a different outcome.
TLDR: girlfriend starts going through a serious family situation, stops showing any interest in me and my life, says I'm not empathetic to her for being upset by that.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
cwyuTc0d4OMnFKCXqfNJ4zX9ixDZdksB
|
9yx2wa
|
{
"description": "asking my so to uninvite family for thanksgiving",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for asking my SO to uninvite family for thanksgiving?
|
My mental health hasn’t been great lately. SO’s family invited themselves over for Thanksgiving and at that time I was feeling ok about it, but today I felt way too stressed about a lot of things and had a breakdown. I couldn’t bear the thought of entertaining and pretending to be happy, not to mention cooking and cleaning. SO has uninvited them (he wasn’t too keen on their coming over anyway) but is unhappy about the timing of it all. I definitely feel bad but I am also relieved. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
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|
akjjxc
|
{
"description": "judging what my wife watches on television",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for judging what my wife watches on television?
|
Before you weigh in, know that my wife judges what I watch. My wife watches television shows which I feel are the lowest form of entertainment. Shows like sister wives, teen mom, and keeping up with the Kardashians. She judges me for watching shows like Futurama and the Simpson's because they are cartoons. We have a 7 month old daughter and I would way have her brought up with my sort of tv than the influence of shows which my wife watches. I feel the television I watch has intellect and morals unlike hers which feels like people living off celebrity.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
aeax58
|
{
"description": "not wanting this girl I'm talking to to have phone calls with her ex",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting this girl I'm talking to to have phone calls with her ex?
|
I've been talking to this girl for a while and we both like each other. Her ex has contacted her recently and been asking to call her, she asked how I would feel about them talking on the phone and assured me she doesn't have feelings for him anymore. I told her that it's her life and I have no right to tell her who to talk to but that I wouldn't be comfortable with it and she got mad. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
ca0R5hqxhfClb3lHBZTjCIKucL6U6uRO
|
axpw3h
|
{
"description": "lying while playing a board game with my 97 year old grandmother",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for lying while playing a board game with my 97 year old grandmother?
|
I play a board game called Rummikub with her. She is still pretty smart for age but she is just slower than me and I can beat her pretty easily. I know she enjoys winning though so sometimes I lie and hang on to good numbers that I could win with so she can win. I feel bad about this. I know she wants to win so bad but I feel bad about lying. It’s like I’m creating a fictional reality just for her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
55kX9TuwN5Z4O93TaCmOnmcpt2zNs2NV
|
b3xjym
|
{
"description": "getting my dad's job offer rescinded",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for getting my dad's job offer rescinded?
|
Sigh. I think I messed up.
My parents do not live in a very populated US city, they're around 60yo, and my dad's been laid off from his old job about half a year ago. He's been applying for jobs and finally got a written offer.
The offer is for the same amount that he's been getting for years: it's a decent amount but by no means very high.
I don't live with my parents and I work in a different industry, but having gone through several job offers and successful negotiations, I suggested that my dad asks for a +$5k raise. The reply email was crafted very carefully, stating that 1) he appreciates the offer and the initial meeting 2) he's wondering if there's any flexibility in the offer because he believes he can bring a lot to the team and the company and 3) finally asking if they're willing to go for +$5k.
Initially my dad hesitated (I think because he's been tired of searching for a job for so long), but eventually he agreed to try it. My thought process was:
1. He deserves more -- he really is amazing in his industry
2. It's an initial negotiation and he's not asking for an outrageous amount on top of the initial offer
3. He's never agreed to any previous offer from them (or discussed any potential salary), so there's no reason why he can't try to ask for a bit more
4. The email was extremely professional and polite, structured so they could easily have replied back with "no, that's our best and final offer"
To my shock, the employer's contact called back (not emailed back) 3 days later saying they're rescinding the offer...(!)
Wat. The only reason I can think of is that they were so unsure of whether to hire him or not initially, that they either 1) decided not to bother or 2) found someone else.
Of course my dad feels horrible now, and so do I. And if it wasn't for my convincing, he would probably have that job by now.
Am I the asshole for getting involved and should we not have negotiated?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
a6ry7u
|
{
"description": "telling so to change shifts at work",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA telling SO to change shifts at work
|
TL:DR- SO works 3rd shift and takes care of LO during day. Lack of sleep has taken a toll on their mental health.
Backstory: SO and I have under 1 yr old child. Daycare is expensive. I work 1st shift (630-230p). They work 3rd shift (10-6a). Our bulidings are close enough for baby trade off in mornings. SO watches baby during day, naptime between 9-12p. I take over baby duty when I get home at 3, SO sleeps till 7
SO has been struggling with getting enough sleep since I came back from leave. I am very concerned for their wellbeing and safety driving hi-low at work. I made some suggestions to help:
There was an job opportunity at my ideal workplace, position would be Fri-Tues 8a-5p. SO vetoed this because then I lose vacation time and forced to get my own insurance.
My retired parents could watch him a few times a week. They live 45mins away but we could meet halfway for trade off. Aside from gas money, care would be free. SO does not like in-laws since they felt I could have done better and told them such while we were dating. My parents respect my decision marrying and are civil towards SO.
The lack of sleep and general stress has gotten to SO. Angers quick and much more snarky towards me. Easily can get frustrated with LO. When well rested, I get to see that loving supportive person again.
I have no longer the option to change jobs; I need the time off for relatives passing away after the holidays. I can't change my shift; its dumb luck I got to 1st and we plan for me to go back to school in evenings. My future degree will allow SO stay home.
Our mutual friends have noticed the changes in SO as well; its not just my mind jumping into stuff.
If I mention about being sore or tired it becomes a game of one-up to SO. I have been accused of cheating, not helping, and delayed PPD. I stand there and take it, knowing its the lack of sleep. But I am getting to my breaking point. So....
WIBTA on giving the ultimatum to SO: Leave third shift or I am leaving.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
aybf3e
|
{
"description": "not decreasing the price for my helpful cousin",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not decreasing the price for my helpful cousin?
|
[AITA] New to this sub, hi yall.
Im just going to say here, that Im really young and naive.
My cousin have been helpful of me since Grade 8. Helped me move on on my ex friends and included me in several groups and made me copy her assignments since I was quite the loner kid and shes one of the popular kids. In return, I did my upmost to help her, making her eat at my house anytime she wants, gave her answers on homework and quiz, and I certainly became a lending ear if she has troubles.
Now after that backstory, theres this project that includes editing three videos and is to be passed tomorrow. She just messaged me if I could edit their video and her group isnt even done recording yet.
I said that I would for like 175 php, its not much for yall since its like 3 and a half dollars. But I live in a third world country and that shit cost a ton already. I said that I would be unavailble in saturday (she said its okay if i passed it 1 day late) and that I would skip class tomorrow just to do it. (Im thirsty for money aight?)
She says if I could do it for 130 since her budget is 200. I denied and I feel guilty cause she received tons of stress already cause shes the president of the gsp.
Its not a big issue but am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
d969jbWAda9lXv727znBLGOVs3iRD8zn
|
atllk7
|
{
"description": "wanting to call out my dad on how much of a piece of garbage he is? AITA for thinking my dads a piece of garbage",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to call out my dad on how much of a piece of garbage he is? AITA for thinking my dads a piece of garbage?
|
Don't get me wrong, I love my dad. The only respect I have for him tho, is that he is my father, not for the person he is. It's always been that he seems to only care about himself. My parents are about to lose their house because my dad has yet to find a job and my mom is about to lose all hope in him. Besides financially, it seems my dad has no consideration for my mom or the house he lives in. He flicks cig ashes on brand new things ruining them, he pees all over the toilet seat/floor doesn't clean it up, when my mom asks him to take off his shoes so the new carpet and hard floors don't get ruined, he doesn't no matter how many times he is told, he uses food that my brother buys for the house all for himself without asking, whenever he does make money, he doesn't tell my mom about it most of the time and doesn't put it in the bank to cover their overdraft and bills, when my mom asks him to help with her vehicle he prioritizes his over hers, he borrows money from family members for insignificant things when they are already short and my mom gets upset because for one he shouldn't have asked them for money and two what are they supposed to do to pay them back because they *literally cannot* pay them back, he keeps pulling money out of the bank even tho my mom has told him not to when they are in overdraft and have been for almost 2 years. He doesn't seem to able to take criticism about anything and gets very disrespectful and has at attitude like he doesn't do anything wrong, like he should do whatever he wants because it's what he wants. Sure he does help out around the house by doing dishes and home improvements, but that doesn't make it okay that he has always been that way, and he seems to think that those things he does makes it okay and forgiven. Like, sure you made a shelf thing for the laundry room, but that doesn't make it acceptable that you're inconsiderate. It's really hurting my mom because she feels like he just doesn't care about her or the house they live in and she is getting to her last straw. She doesn't know what's going to happen if they lose their house because there is nothing else they can do unless my dad steps up, but also what's the point of having the house if my dad acts like that? Now that all the kids are out of the house (my brother moved back from Hawaii so he's just staying there until he's back on his feet) I can understand that my dad may think that since they dont have kids to raise now, they have extra money for some reason, but my mom has told him sooo many times that that's not the case and they are losing their house and it doesn't seem to process in his mind and I for the life of me cannot understand that.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
azu7pc
|
{
"description": "putting off talking about getting back with my ex till after my vacation",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA If I put off talking about getting back with my ex till after my vacation?
|
Side account because I don't like posting feels stuff on my main.
So my ex texted me last night that she still has feels for me. We always had an on again off again relationship and in the past neither of us have been the most healthy people for each other. Especially me.
I am not against trying again, because I am at a different more healthy place in my life. The problem comes up is that I will be out of town for a week, long trip that I was kinda looking forward to to just letting lose. I was not actively going to try to have sex, but if it happened it happened. I also don't think it is the healthiest thing for a new relationship to start while the other person is going out of town.
Would I be the also for asking to put off the getting back together conversation till after I get back so we can sit down and talk about it?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
abu6gj
|
{
"description": "thinking my boyfriend should value our time together even if I don't sleep over",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For thinking my boyfriend should value our time together even if I don't sleep over?
|
So, my boyfriend and I live about a 15-20min car drive apart. When we spend time together, most of the time he comes pick me up and then drives me back home (I don't have a car available to drive most of the time). The problem I have is, that he's only really willing to do this, if it's for a longer period of time say, like me sleeping over (this is not connected to us being intimate). We usually only have time to see each other for one day during the weekends (because he works till about 4 or 5pm and we both have to sleep at our separate homes becuase of things to do in the morning; and we pretty much only hang out at his house because I live in a flat with my family who doesn't really like him, and I have to spend one morning during the weekend at home for family stuff)
​
My logic is basically that we could see each other more and more often, if he were okay with us spending just 3-5hours together (either going out to dinner, movies, drinks, or being at his place), but he say's that all that driving is a waste of time, money and gas, for just a couple of hours.
​
So AITA for thinking that he should be more okay with spending just a few hours with me a few times a week, instead of only a set of \~24hours during the weekend? Maybe I'm just too demanding and wanting too much... Since I don't really drive all of the driving really does fall on him, and if we were to hang out at his place, he'd have to make the trip 4 times in one day (to pick me up, drive us to his, drop me off ath home, drive himself home)
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
ame5c5
|
{
"description": "thinking my cousin is creepy",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for thinking my cousin is creepy?
|
My mother died this week. She was cremated. When one of my cousins found out, he sent me a text that said "Are you holding on to your mom's ashes or did you want me to?"
I think that's about the creepiest thing I've ever heard. I mean, WTAF?
Is this a thing? Do random family members pass around "cremains" (ugh, that term - the funeral home insisted on using it) like an extra crock pot?
It was such a bizarre request that I keep thinking he wants to hold them for ransom. Or maybe he really thought it was a kind offer.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
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RIGHT
|
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|
aqf5e0
|
{
"description": "telling him to go back to his own country",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for telling him to go back to his own country?
|
I know how bad the title sounds, but I promise, there is a lot more to the story than it seems (tl;dr at the bottom). Posting this on a throwaway and [insert obligatory mobile apology here].
My ex and I recently broke up about 2 weeks ago. Ot wasn't that long of a relationship, but we were still in the standard honeymoon phase. When we first broke up, he claimed that I "wasn't the one".
Now, I 100% think that is a valid reason to break up with someone, even though I don't personally believe in soulmates. I do believe that are a few (maybe) 100 people in the world that can be a great match for you, though not all of them are accessible. I explained this to him, while also being understanding, because he also had some really strong uncontrollable things going on in his life that I believe kind of forced him to break up with me.
Me not being the one wasn't the only thing he said, however. He had a lot more excuses. "I don't want to hurt you. I'd rather another guy hurt you (relationship wise)" or "I'm trying to protect you". All in all, none of these truly felt genuine to me. They all felt like excuses, and I honestly thought he was scared to tell me the real reason why. I accepted his "explanations" for that day and essentially moved on. He did the obligatory "let's be friends" that everyone does after a breakup and he seemed to genuinely mean it.
A few weeks pass and I keep thinking, "did I do something wrong"? So I directly asked him if it was maybe how I looked or if he was attracted to me. He said no, he loved how I look, and was actually still attracted to me. So I asked him straight out, there has to be something else, because you ended the relationship for seemingly no valid reason.
He ends up calling to fully explain.... and his huge explanation was, and I quote, "To be honest, it's because you're not Albanian. I don't want my children to not have my culture. I want them to live in Albania, speak Albanian, be Albanian...", you can see where this is going.
I explain to him that having children with someone of a different nationality doesn't erase your nationality from your kids. He is not having it AT ALL. I tell him that it's an ignorant way of looking at things and being so nationalistic is really harmful. I then give him examples/scenarios. One of which was:
Let's say you date a girl of Irish or Chinese heritage. You date and maybe eventually marry her and are together for 10-15 years. At the beginning, she never really had a stance on having children, but for the most part didn't want them. If after those 10-15 years, she asks of you want to try for a child, are you going to tell her to fuck off because your child isn't 100% Albanian?
He was kind of speechless to that and mumbled a, "no, no, no...". At this point, I think he realized how fucked up everything sounded, but he still wanted to hang on to his national pride, explaining to me that without people in his country being nationalistic, they wouldn't exist. Now, I know the history of the country, so I purely understand what he was talking about, but I told him, "your heritage and culture only gets erased if you erase it yourself. Your children will always be Albanian if you raise them that way, no matter what the other half of them is."
Again, he completely ignored what I am saying and essentially screams at me to just shut up and stop. I agree that I'll stop trying to teach someone who doesn't want to learn, but that I'll leave him with some advice: either go back to your country or don't date outside of your nationality if you're going to think this way. It's not right to the women you could possibly date to have their hopes up (especially if the relationship last longer than a year or two) and then eventually break up with them because they're not Albanian.
His reply to that advice was that he can date whoever he wants without having children with them. This confused me even further, because we had only been dating a short while and babies hadn't even come up in the conversation (obviously). Not even including the fact that he never asked me about children in the first place. My opinion on children for the most part is that I don't want to have them unless my SO or partner wants to have one or two, in which case, I would raise the kids with that partner. He never asked me these things at all, so I'm surprised kids even came up as the reason for breaking up with me.
So, Reddit, AITA for telling to go back home with his ignorant way of thinking? We live in a pretty big city, where interracial and international relationships. I personally think that being so close minded and intentionally entering in such relationships are kind of a shitty thing to do. But that's my opinion, what's yours?
Tl;dr: My ex's reason for breaking up with me was that if he had children with me, they wouldn't be 100% Albanian. My response was that he shouldn't actively be dating outside of his nationality and/or race and that maybe he should go back to his country if he really only wants pure bred Albanian children. AITA for telling him to go back or only date "his people"?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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6mRKTkqyUA69XBvXIYXSdHuggA541n6p
|
b89boz
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my dad",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my dad?
|
I know the title is vague, but the issue too long and unclear to shorten. The whole thing is "AITA for getting mad at my dad for taking his thing that I asked for back without telling me and risking damaging expensive equipment?"
I am a Twitch streamer who takes it very seriously, I was using a webcam that I wasn't happy with so I asked my dad to use his video camera. He said yes. So of course, I took it and hooked it up to my Elgato HD60S capture card [$170]. My room is very crowded, especially around my desk. Next to my desk is my table where I have my Nintendo 64 [I have no idea how much a good condition one costs], a Super Retro Trio (NES/SNES/Genesis combined) [$70], my capture card, an AV to HDMI converter [$30], a small TV [I don't know the price], and my HTC Vive [$500].
The table was incredibly crowded and something could have easily fell off if you weren't careful with it. And I used to have an internship at a TV station so I am VERY sensitive about my equipment. I take very good care of it and I took extra care of the camera and tripod. Everything worked great, and I told my dad I was going to be using his camera for a while.
Today however, while I was at school, he had to use the camera for work, so he took it off my table, obviously not being careful and trying to set my stuff back up not knowing a thing about video equipment, without even telling me.
When I got home I noticed it wasn't there, and that my vive was on the floor. I was immedietly enraged that he didn't take care of the Vive that I spent hours upon hours at work to pay for. I texted him asking him politely if he took the camera, he said yes. I was definitely upset that he never told me.
Since my Vive was on the floor, I decided to check if he damaged anything else. I realised that my capture card was still plugged in, this time into my console. First of all, it was obviously not plugged in before, so he tried to make it normal again. Second of all, he plugged my console into the OUTPUT and my TV into the INPUT. I learned at the TV station that doing that can damage both the capture card and devices hooked up to it. Thankfully, no damage was done and all my stuff is okay, even the Vive. But it was all at risk, since my dad is careless with other people's things, especially money, which is my next point.
When I was testing my capture card, it didn't work at first, at all. My dad got home from work and I told him he broke my capture card, which was a fair assumption because, you know, it didn't work. His first response was "I didn't break anything." Which I quickly responded with "Then why doesn't it work?" He immedietly knew that he would have to pay for it, that's how it works around my house, but not with him, and everyone in my family has been cracking down on it. He then said that I would not get the camera back and that I would have to buy my own.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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moVGEmrwA8tDCR5ytzi5JzUNyXtdWLKo
|
b63947
|
{
"description": "sleeping with someone not knowing they're technically in a relationship",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I slept with someone not knowing they're technically in a relationship?
|
Y’all hear me out
Backstory: Everyone in this story is a senior in college. We’ve all been in the same friend group since freshman year. For this story I’ll refer to the girl as Anna. We’re not hella close, but we’re cool.
One night our group got together at Anna’s for a wine night like we usually do to drink and have a game night. Everyone but me, Anna, 2 other girls had just one glass of wine whereas we had about 3\~4.
We were upstairs watching a scary movie (forgot the name). Near the end one person got up to leave and say goodbye which in turn caused some of the others to follow suit. I got up with the others because I thought she’d want everyone to leave at the same time. But when I got up she asked me to stay since I don’t live far. I didn’t think much of it since her other friend, let’s call her Katie, was also staying. (She was one of the 2 girls that drank the same amount as us)
I stopped drinking at this point because I didn’t want to risk driving drunk. Katie literally lives down the street (1 street over) so she finished the bottle with Anna. For context they’re both on Anna’s bed and I’m across from them on a chair. I’m on my phone adding to the conversation sparingly. After 20ish minutes Katie says she has to leave and I get up with her bc I assumed she would want me to leave as well. Anna then asks me to not leave immediately bc then she’ll be all alone and stated that I drank and live farther than Katie so I should sober up some more. I agreed since she made a good point and it ended up being just us.
At this point she’s laid back against the headboard and says “Relax, you can jump on". I relaxed and joined her. We start talking about our shows and start sharing funny tweets with each other. I noticed she’s been getting closer and closer and I lowkey felt some electricity between us, now since I was a little tipsy I was like “fuck it,” and went for a kiss and she reciprocated! We ended up having sex in her bed for a while and I left afterwards.
Fast-forward 1 week, our friend group is chilling on campus discussing the plans of our graduation trip we plan on taking this summer and while we’re on the topic of sleeping arrangements Anna causally slips out that she’s sharing a bed with X ( a friend that’s not exactly in our direct circle but just outside of it). I thought she was joking but it turned out that they were a couple! I had no idea that they were talking much less dating and had I known I wouldn’t have had done what I did since me and X are cool. Later I asked her about their relationship and she told me that they were “going through a rough patch” and were on a “break” for a while (our relations falling in that “break” window) and so what we did wasn’t technically wrong.
AITA?
TL;DR: Went to game night at friends house, slept with host not knowing she was technically in a relationship with someone but was on a “break”.
|
HISTORICAL
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QYNAA03CgqyT4TqGAZR7RWWSTWAAvcfM
|
aims55
|
{
"description": "distancing myself from my toxic best friend and not telling her why",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for distancing myself from my toxic best friend and not telling her why
|
So I have had a girl who I used to consider my best friend. To help with the flow of this story I will call her R. For reference R and I had been friends since 5th grade, and I am now a junior in high school. During middle school I was very anxious and R was pretty much my only friend expect for one other person. I now notice that she was isolating me and complaining anytime I got any other friends. She would also randomly ignore me or tell me I couldn’t sit with her anymore, but she was my only friend and I was very dependent on her, so I stuck with her. She also had a habit of telling me everything wrong with myself, and also telling me that she would complain about me to her parents. I had low self esteem so I thought that was fine and I deserved it.
So then high school starts. My older sister was in high school and she helped me get more friends. I now had a larger amount of friends that included R. Me and R still stayed very close throughout all of my freshman year. So this is when stuff started going south.
Usually on R”s birthday we would celebrate it the weekend after, either by a party or traveling up to the city to go out to eat. R”s birthday is about two weeks out- she reminds me her birthday is coming up and tells me we would be celebrating the weekend after. I agreed. I’m honestly a very forgetful person, and I wish this didn’t happen but I did forget her birthday. I realized the day after what I had done and I immediately apologized. She told me her feeling were hurt and I respected that. She then proceeded to ignore me for about an entire week. I tried to apologize multiple times and I offered to get her a gift, her ignoring me was making me incredibly anxious and I expressed this to her. She eventually started taking to me again. Our friendship was strained ever since then.
We still stayed friends but I started getting new friends and working through my own problems- and I realized her personality was toxic for me. So I began distancing myself from her. I’d still talk to her but we wouldn’t hang out after school. And eventually I just didn’t hang out with R at all. The beginning of this year R left our school. They sent me a long text about how they are leaving because they don’t feel like we’re friends anymore and they don’t know what they did. I feel guilty for not being more direct. Am I the asshole for not being more direct??
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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MZhmA9jonz4iFHHWcMwt8KFMC1CQA4vl
|
b5bazg
|
{
"description": "being ungrateful about christmas gifts",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being ungrateful about christmas gifts? (old story but I'm curious)
|
Okay, so the basic setup is this: My immediate family (parents and brothers) live pretty far away from my extended family (grandparents, cousins, etc). Like, a plane ride away. So we usually only see them around Christmas and other special occasions. One Christmas we were opening presents and my brothers got quite a lot of money in Steam vouchers each. I was excited for mine, and opened it to find a few different Dusk products, which at the time was rather disappointing. A few quick notes:
\- It's true that I do shop at Dusk quite a lot, but I like to get my own things from there because I shop around to see what scents I like/am in the mood for at the time.
\- The Dusk products in question were actually some reed diffuser products. I exclusively used candles at the time, never reed products because I knew if I left them sitting around I would spill the oil in them everywhere.
\- There were no reeds and no oil with the reed diffuser products, making them essentially unusuable unless I bought my own.
\- I'm also an avid PC gamer. In fact, because my brothers are often using the consoles, I tend to do all my gaming on the PC, and am almost always keen for Steam vouchers.
\- This last point is kind of petty but did go through my mind at the time: since I'm the only girl, it sort of felt like I didn't get Steam money because 'pretty smells are much more ladylike than videogames' (I have always been a tomboy-gamer-nerd stereotype anyway). That probably wasn't their intention, though.
So, I was a little bitter about that. I made a very quiet offhand comment to my older brother asking if I could express my frustration to him (which he usually allows) and he told me to just be grateful for what I got. I accepted that, retreated to the bathroom to silently cry my feelings out for a minute (I cry when I'm frustrated/annoyed/angry/any strong negative feeling, not just when I'm sad, and wanted to do it where I wouldn't bother anyone), made myself presentable, and didn't mention it to anyone else at all.
Looking back, gifts are gifts, and it's possible that I should have been grateful for what I got regardless of how wanted/useful it was, or if my siblings got the thing I actually wanted. AITA for being a little frustrated with the situation?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
VwhuBhJ5TJzbT09RtAmGtK9G4JgH2dxP
|
az2u5q
|
{
"description": "not wanting my parents to surprise my twin sister with a visit for our birthday",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA For not wanting my parents to surprise my twin sister with a visit for our birthday.
|
For my and my twin sister’s 30th birthday, I made plans with her boyfriend to fly in and surprise her, since I live in a different country and we haven’t spent our birthday together in years. She will be THRILLED, knowing her. I told my parents when I booked the ticket, and they asked if they could come along too, and we could all spend our 30th together - great! I love my family, I don’t get to see them enough, and I was super happy we’d all get to be together.
I did say I thought they should tell her they were coming, because I thought it would be more special for me to show up as a surprise, but they also wanted to be a part of the reveal. I said okay, and we could make that decision later.
It’s getting closer to the date, so my sister’s boyfriend and I have been making more specific plans. I called my parents to fill them in, and they dropped on me that my aunt wanted to come too...and that she’s already bought her plane ticket. At this point, it was starting to feel like it wasn’t my trip or my surprise anymore, like my parents have co-opted it, so I asked them to tell my sister that they and my aunt were coming, and my arrival would still be a surprise.
My mother is pushing back in the group planning message thread, saying she “has some concerns” about doing that, since sister’s boyfriend has already told her to take the Friday and Monday off work for something he’s planning, and that my sister is going to get suspicious.
I sent them a message this morning to say that I was disappointed with how it was panning out. Firstly because my big gift was flying in as a surprise, and it feels less special if everyone is doing it, and secondly because it now feels like it’s her special surprise birthday weekend and everyone is making a big deal about surprising her for it ...but it’s also my birthday too!
Also (my parents don’t know this), my sister’s boyfriend asked me a long time ago, when I first started arranging my travel plans and it was meant to be just me there, if I minded him proposing to my sister that weekend. He’s wonderful, and I couldn’t be happier for them, so I said yes, of course! But now it feels like everything else is going to overshadow my weekend with my sister. Also, I’m now a little worried that she’ll think her boyfriend arranged for everyone to be there for the proposal and not that it was my surprise that I arranged for her.
Am I being too difficult and controlling about this trip? I’m worried they’re going to think I’m being precious about being the center of attention...and maybe I am?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
YXC4OoRJdAuHAFXiKkiH2IixkBZXjadK
|
ahee5w
|
{
"description": "not wanting to play games with a friend that is bad at every game",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to play games with a friend that is bad at every game?
|
Hello everyone, so here is the story. I have a friend in my group of friends that is a bit slower than the average person but he is a good guy and I only mind it when it comes to playing video and board games with him. It is very frustrating because no matter what game we play he always needs help with figuring out what he needs to do and always does stupid stuff.
​
For example, we were playing Destiny 2 and he needed to talk to a guy so he can get the next quest but he couldn't find that guy. So I asked him is this the guy you need to talk to, lets say his name was Fred, and he said no I can't talk to this one. I then spent the next 20 minutes trying to figure out what mission was he on, and who does he need to speak to to progress just to realize that it was Fred all along. The mission even said "Talk to Fred" but he didn't knew how to check what mission was he on and what he needed to do.
​
If we play any competitive team based gave like Dota 2, or a battle royale, every match i tell him "Don't do that" or "Don't go there you will die" and he never listens, thinking he knows best, and it always happens what i tell him it will happen. Like we were playing a battle royale game the other day and he was running towards a house and i saw a guy in the house through a window and i told him "Don't go in there, there is a guy." and he went in, died, and was like "I didn't really think there was a guy there.". He does stuff like this all the time and i try not to get mad or frustrated because I know he is trying his best but I can only abstain myself so much. The same goes for board games, any team based game where you need to guess something like Alias or Activity he is useless for the team he is in.
​
I have to admit that i am a competitive person. So am I the asshole for not wanting to play games with him on my team, or games where we have to work together?
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
c4rlGK4Stwho66b0c7wvgxCSQp4P8826
|
abbs15
| null |
AITA today?
|
Every year I get my mother in law a nice bday gift. She needed new couches so I got her some. She needed under garments and a vacation bag, I got that the following year. Every year I get lotion and body. AITA for expecting a little more?
Today is my bday. My SO typically replies, “ugh, here we go again.”
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
RIGHT
|
7674i3CCJAiWcy4Y1f0ckCRkOkxomCs4
|
ao81xd
|
{
"description": "not wanting to have to live with my dad anymore",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For not wanting to HAVE to live with my dad anymore?
|
I'm a highschooler whose parents have been separated for 2 years. My dad cheated on my mom since my younger brother was three, and I found out on...get this....a vacation with him in Colombia. Their separation agreement was that my brother and I would live with my mom for a week, then switch to my dads house. Standard divorce stuff really. But lately I've become very sick of it. Every time I switch I feel like I am packing up my life and moving. I refer to it as an unstable life. Living with my dad isn't great either. He doesn't support me, my interests, or my future (I got invited to a Stanford Law thingy, and he responded with "Cool, I am going to order some pizza."). Sometimes he can be a really great parent, but I don't know if it weighs out the bad.
This would be a much easier choice for me, if there wasn't a few pressing issues. First of all, I am able to attend the highschool I go to only because I use his address (they offered classes unavailable else where, I am very serious about my education, so AP world at my grade level was a must). So this causes more issues. When I am at my moms, either he picks me up directly after school (since my mom can't) or I take the bus and go to his apartment, and wait for either him or my mom to take me back. There isn't any bus stops by my moms house which really sucks.
If I do choose to stop living at him, it would make everyday after school the most awkward thing. He would probably begin to refuse to pick me up from school, so I would be forced to go to his apartment everyday, where I would then see him after a few hours. Hopefully you all can see why that would be a disaster.
My only other option is to continue what I am doing. Or choose to stay with my mom, and expect my dad to be cool with seeing me everyday, only for a few hours.
KEEP IN MIND : My dad is pretty emotionally immature. I wouldn't expect much from him at this point.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
QHchd89Mu7lvIBxtrdV0m5O3Mbv4ipof
|
axtb9p
|
{
"description": "getting in a fight my mom for not letting me to go the gym when they let my older sisters to go the the gym",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for getting in a fight my mom for not letting me to go the gym when they let my older sisters to go the the gym.
|
So I recently turned 15 I'm a Male and my problem is I have a very feminine body build like I'm not talking boobs or anything I'm talking about my body frame is just very small and I get mistaken for a butch girl all the time. So many people on reddit said go to the gym it won't have right away affects but it will get better over time. I thought that was a good idea because my twin older sisters already go to the gym so I could just go when they go since they drive. So last week 2 weeks ago I asked my mom if I could get a gym membership where my sisters go. She said no and refused to give me a answer so a couple hours ago I ask her again and explanation to her why she still says no with no explanation. So I ask her to at least give me a answer and she said cuase she said no that's why then I started yelling then she started yelling and now I'm in my room its 9 and I haven't ate dinner cuase I refuse to talk to her. My sister is saying and I quote "stop being a little shit and come eat" I told her to bring food to me but she hasn't am i the asshole or do i deserve a answer.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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WRONG
|
IjPVC83rMpklgQCXxnZyr7MaWWtO9U48
|
afmjx7
|
{
"description": "not wanting to take part in my parents dispute about my alimony",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to take part in my parents dispute about my alimony?
|
So this is going on for 2 months now.
My parents have been separated before I was even born and I didn't have a strong bond with him in my childhood.
So as I'm 18 Years old now I'm trying to rebound with him and visit him atleast 4 days a week. He lives in Berlin and I live in Brandenburg (Germany, 45km away). For the time I'm with him he says he didn't want pay my mother the alimony but my mom's also jobless and can barely keep the apartment. My father is also not rich and has 3 other kids but still has enough money to buy beautiful clothes for me.
My mother refuses to talk with him and always sends me to talk to her and so does my dad. I can't make them talk to each other and this has driven me this far that I also wanted to kill myself and my other depression. The only thing holding me back is the good ol' "mom would be sad".
He says that the expenses that cost him to have me are higher combined with the alimony and he also wants to get a split of the child support money.
The ticket itself costs 100$ per month.
Should I stop seeing him and my little siblings or what should I do?
someone help
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
rOznm5rtJiKHnt3tm6bPcN1Z0zy6Ax7o
|
ayuy7b
|
{
"description": "being really annoyed about my aunt promoting my cousins school trip to cambodia",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being really annoyed about my aunt promoting my cousins school trip to cambodia
|
The situation is this: my cousin has signed up for a month long school trip to cambodia to build houses and water suplies. To do this she needs £1500. Ok. Fine. But then my aunt comes on the family chat having started a go fund me for this shit to essentially beg for money from family members and on top of that goes on a tirade about how "brave" and "selfless" it is of my cousin to do this.
This aunt has never given me the time of day in the past and treats her own childeren with A LOT of favouritism (which is understandable). She once tried to guilt me into spending my entire half term working for my grandparents while her son (1 year older than me) sat and played on the ps4 he dragged over from home.
Id be totally fine with all of this shit if it werent for the ammount of praise shes heaping on her daughter. The damn thing isnt brave or selfless at all! She wants to go on a month long holiday! If it was about helping people why wouldnt you find a more eficiant use for the money than sending 15 year olds across the world to waste time being taught things that theyll do once before going home feeling superior.
I havent spoken to anyone yet but im seriously considering it. I dont know why this pisses me off so much but, just to be clear, im only really mad at my aunt and not my cousin.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
|
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|
RIGHT
|
T2UEhYkcKxGYjeRVdIRZvyUzghZD8Zvw
|
a8stv4
|
{
"description": "being sort of angry that I wasn't invited to a soci get together",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA I am sort of angry that I wasn't invited to a soci get together.
|
My friend's friend decided that they would have a get together at an ice rink. In the end I wasn't invited. I can see why as I wasn't a mutual friend and if I was invited I probably wouldn't have gone. It still sort of hurts. Am I too entitled in thinking this way or what. I feel like I may just be a VS (Validation Seeker) but i'm not sure.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
ZZV2WgqoRFlyek54gDmXkYfokOOe1EDI
|
aqlyd3
|
{
"description": "not replacing my friends bong",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not replacing my friends bong?
|
Saw a post earlier about someones dog eating their friends shoes, made me remember this story from a few years back.
For some backround; in HS my friends and I used to hang in my basement all the time and play video games, smoke some pot, etc.
For friends of mine whose parents were less okay with that, it meant owning a bong was a pretty sketchy and if they were getting picked up by their parent theyd ask if they could leave it at my place for a bit. I was always cool with it, but it was worrying bc at any given time I might have a few thousand dollars worth of glassware in a room full of stoned idiots.
So my friend left his piece on the edge of a VERY wobbly end table (i could practically turn this thing into a rhombus the legs were so loose) and didn’t mention it. He was also eating sunflower seeds and left a pile of chewed sunflower shells on said table. Didn’t think much of it, a little rude, a little gross, but i scooped them into the trash and noticed a few on the floor under the table. As I come out from under the table my head bumps the table and the piece falls and breaks. He probably bought for 350-400, but it wasnt worth near that much if he were to resell it. When I told him it broke and that I had no money to put towards his next piece, I said that I shouldnt be soley responsible for replacing especially given the circumstances (left on edge of table, I was cleanin his mess)
In hindsight I probably shouldve offered like 100 bucks when I had it, but he got another piece and bought a nice protective case for it and was much more careful with it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
DUreIzqQucuYjF3Kh3EqUXUQVjs5aHka
|
aiuh5h
|
{
"description": "going after a better education",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for going after a better education
|
I'm going to go away to uni in a different state for a couple of years and my girlfriend and her mother thinks I'm selfish because I'm giving up my apartment and quitting my job for getting a education in a field where I think I'll be happier then I am now.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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|
OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
0072ZHzZ3qtXUC7QDbazdi8qtK9jvE4n
|
b9mwl2
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pay 2 tickets on a urban bus",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pay 2 tickets on a urban bus?
|
Tl;Dr at the bottom.
There are those urban busses that go from my house to my college and vice-versa, since I live far from the college I always get on the same bus (that follows the same path, going or coming). But today I was in the middle of the city, distant from both my home and my college, and since the bus only passes every half and hour, I took when it was going to my house so I didn't have to wait another half an hour for it to come to go to the campus.
There lies the problem, the driver said I had to pay two tickets because I took it when it was coming, not going, regardless the fact that I only took it so I wouldn't wait on the middle of the street for another half an hour. I didn't want to pay because I meant to go from my house to the college in the first place, I didn't meant to go to my house, nor did I meant to get a "free ride", because I would return to the same place I got in, and I just got in because I knew it would take some time for it to make the journey back.
So am I the asshole? (btw I paid for the ticked, one trip wasted on nothing)
Tl;Dr: I got in the urban bus on the journey back from point A to point B, wanting to go to point A, just got in early to save waiting time, driver said I should pay 2 tickets, I didn't want to because it didn't feel right, but I paid him anyways.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
JsEuvJNSgBrKS5hsmIOxLCwz2XgbGpaa
|
ahagtq
|
{
"description": "being upset/annoyed at my boyfriend for always commenting on how messy my car is",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for being upset/annoyed at my boyfriend for always commenting on how messy my car is?
|
My car is pretty messy. I’d put it at a solid 7 on a scale of 1-10. There’s a lot of stuff, like clothes/shoes/random crap. A few water bottles here and a couple of empty fast food bags. Nothing super gross though, like rotting food or pests or anything.
I’ll usually clean it out and vacuum every few weeks. I, personally, don’t care too much about the state of my car because I’m usually the only person in it. I invest a lot more time in keeping our house (we live together) clean. My car is honestly the last thing on my mind. It’s just what I use to get around.
Anyways, my boyfriend *always* has to comment on how messy it is. Dozens and dozens of times. I’ve tried explaining to him that I just don’t care about the state of my car and he won’t listen. The thing is, his car is always a mess too! Not that much better than mine. So I’m confused as to why he feels the need to comment on it all the time.
I’ve been getting more upset when he brings it up because it doesn’t even affect him. It’s not like I’m a total slob in all areas of our life. I keep our house *spotless*. He only rarely has to deal with my messy car.
Today, he offered to clean the snow off of my car and I immediately knew that he was going to comment on how messy it is. I almost told him not to worry about it, but he was already out the door. Low and behold, he calls two minutes later just to tell me how messy it is. I told him thanks for cleaning it off and hung up. I feel ungrateful, since he did clean the snow off, but I’m still so pissed that he keeps on obsessing over how messy it is.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
Zr8VHhEFFmRrPRctSuDCIpw5zjrijUKK
|
asublo
|
{
"description": "ignoring someone who I used to be close to",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ignoring someone who I used to be close to
|
So a while ago, a girl (24F) who I (25M) was friends with told me she was interested in me, and we had a physical relationship going on. But she later said she couldn't be in a relationship with me due to her being religious and me not. I was disappointed, but I accepted that if that was the deal breaker, then that's just how it was going to be. After she told me this, I told her that I didn't want to continue a physical relationship because I wanted to move on. About a week later, she roped me back in by saying how she was having a tough time with her feelings, so I offered to talk with her about everything because I still cared about her. So we talk, but we also ended up sleeping together that night. Weeks after that, the whole physical relationship is revamped, and to me, it seemed like she really wanted to start a relationship with me. But after that, she said the same thing about how religious differences are too much to handle and that was it. I was hurt by this because it seemed like she always knew what was going to happen in the end, but still made me believe in something that really had no chance of happening.
​
Fast forward to now, and I tell her roommate the whole story of what happened between she and I. From this conversation, I find out that the girl I was with only told her roommate bits and pieces of the story. For example, she left out the fact that we slept together (although we didn't really do much of anything. It was pretty PG-13 rated), and she left out the fact that I told her that I wanted out after she said no the first time. The two of us have the same friend group, so it bothers me that she told one of my good friends (her roommate) an abridged side of the story, which leaves out details of why I felt hurt in the first place. It also bugs me because it makes me look bad since what she's saying is a different narrative compared to what actually happened. Because of all this, now I just ignore her when we're in our friend group. I won't leave a group of friends if she were to walk over, but I don't really go out of my way to say hi or anything like that anymore.
​
So AITA for ignoring her after this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
UxBBZtJehWzf63RquRdmJhew0vCwTnxc
|
a6adwl
|
{
"description": "feeling bitchy over the fact that I didn't get invited to one of my long time friends birthday party",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For feeling bitchy over the fact that I (M18) Didn't get invited to one of my long time friends (F18) birthday party?
|
So i've kinda been thinking this through and i just feel somewhat annoyed/angry over the fact for this happening.
Earlier tonight I talked to one of my friends after she told me she had a pretty bad week, of course I wanted to know why, and it was quite odd for me as I quickly picked up, that there was a bunch of background noise. She told me that she'd rather talk about this face to face, which im absolutely fine with, and afterwards said that she just wanted to celebrate our mutual friends birthday. Let's call this friend of ours Alice.
So Alice told me from pretty much when she turned 17 that i had to come to her birthday and it would mean a lot for her if i came, and as im really not a social person, the type of guy that'd rather just have a beer and stick around at home with my dog, i still accepted the fact that she really wanted me to come. I've spoken to her about this multiple times throughout this year, and i kept saying that i'd of course come as she wanted me to.
After realizing that i didn't even get invited to her birthday party (which is tonight) i feel quite odd about this, of course i know when her actual birthday is but i never knew when this party would take place.
The point where i feel like im in a dilemma is that i've set all other plans aside for new years to be together with this group of friends, including her, but now i honestly don't feel like going
I don't know if im just acting like a twat and taking things too personal or if i've done something wrong (not that i know of) but this kinda puts me at the point where i'd rather just stay at home for new years
TL;DR After talking to a long time friend about her birthday for a year ish, about me coming i didn't get invited, which leaves me confused about what to do for new years.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
ko4ajpEsrAUlKBHHb2tBcQZHDmEibvul
|
b3w9b1
| null |
AITA 4 telling my regular one night stand roommate that another girl would come to the apartment and expecting it would go well ?
|
Throwaway for obvious reasons. This would belong on r/TIFU as well. Please excuse any mistake I would make, English is not my native language.
I’ve been banging my roommate (let’s call her A), for over a month and a half now. We made it clear since the beginning that we were not a couple and nothing more than sex should be expected.
However, another girl (let’s call her B) has been hitting on me hard in the meantime, and damn, that girl was gorgeous and one of the coolest person I’ve met so far. Lots of common interest, funny, and also a common desire to keep it simple : no couple, just friendship with... Affinities should we say. Plus, she lives abroad, so serious relationship was out of the question.
B comes to my city this weekend, so it became obvious we would see each other, and most probably end up in my apartment.
Wanna be a regular honest guy, I told B about A, which she takes better than expected (I honestly thought she would run away). The infamous week end coming up, I decide to also tell A that I would have a date, just so she doesn’t discover it out of the blue.
Ended up pretty bad. She forced herself to not cry in front of me and just left into her room. Now I feel like the biggest pile of shit. Obviously apologized to her latter, but still.
TL;DR : told my one night stand roommate that another girl would come, turns out she had feelings for me all along.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
2o5O7RuxedwFP4vnzxyeJRzJaB8Qascv
|
b7yhhx
| null |
AITA For apologize to an ex 8 months after the fact?
|
I recently sent a message to an ex of mine. Whom I broke up with some time ago (about 8 months) we were together for about 6 months. I felt horrible about the way I went about breaking up with them. I had just sent a text saying it wasn't working out, and poof I was gone.
So i sent an apology and explanation, saying that it wasn't their fault and the way i had handled things was immature. I believe they deserved an explanation for what had happened.
I get a message back saying that what I did to them still pervades its way in to their life in their "platonic and romantic" relationships and that no apology could fix it.
I feel awful about it, and I think sending that message was a mistake. I feel I reopened an old wound for them. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
CEbMH9PJn9Igjmw4PIhkLnljnkW94neM
|
b1y4i2
|
{
"description": "wanting to know how much a job would pay",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to know how much a job would pay?
|
This isn't a long story, and there isn't much drama, but I feel it merits asking.
This started roughly a week ago. My roommate's parents are helping with some kind of horse race event or something (They are old money farmers) and my RM is asked to help out for some money. Also for context, it's important to note that, yes, we are tight on money, but aren't in trouble (Had to pay some extra bills and such)
I talk to his mother and ask her if I could also help, and when she says I could, i then proceed to ask how much I would be paid for it. She doesn't really take the question well, responding with "Why does that matter, I thought you were going to help?"
I don't know what to think or do so I just tell her that I could use the money is all. Finally she tells me. She is offering $60 for the job. Keep in mind, this is an event that we would work from 7am, and the event ends at 6pm. Now I'm not against helping people, but I don't really feel like like working for \~$5.50 dollars an hour (I'm prone to heat strokes. I can work in the sun, but prefer to avoid it) So I tell her that I'm not interested.
She gets super mad at me, calling me ungrateful and such before hanging up. Apparently she also called my roommate, because now he's annoyed that I pissed off his mother and is asking stuff like "Why did you even bother asking if you weren't going to work?"
I don't feel I'm being unreasonable here, nor that I owe her my time really. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
Oo7TDMjfu5Q61ASu9S1fSqDdxOrjWT0b
|
b5me5s
|
{
"description": "calling my mother out on a major lie she told me my entire life",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA: Calling my mother out on a major lie she told me my entire life
|
My mom is a narcissistic asshat who abused me my entire life...like it took my friends from Australia screaming over Skype for her to even get me medical attention when I desperately needed it. Anyways...
So today I had to go to the emergency room (I was talked into it by my MIL (I'm not used to people actually caring about me tbh) so they did blood typing there bc of my ovarian cyst history.
My mom has told me my entire life I'm A+...I'm not ...I'm O+...shocker to me tbh and now I'm having another existential crisis because of this. So I called my bitch ass mom up and confronted her... gaslighting started to happen so I muttered a "fucking lying ass bitch" and handed the phone to my sister...I also blocked her on social media and bc I dropped my phone in the toilet she has no way of contacting me...oops? But seriously AITA for confronting her over this and then calling her a liar?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
cT9TcnRX8ZN1WwssFNinrEoP2VT2Vf0K
|
ag0dfe
|
{
"description": "not wanting to spend time with my bf",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Not Wanting to Spend Time With My BF
|
My boyfriend and I have been together for two years by now, But I am starting to drift away from him. I love him, but at the same time, there are incidents that are pushing me away from him. And though I try to push my feelings away from them, I still dwell on the hurt it causes.
In the past, the arguments will start over college. I am obsessive with what I want to do in the future, but never talked to him about it after he got mad at me for switching my plans suddenly. He is a year ahead of me in school, and will be graduating after this year. I did get frustrated and confused on why he gotten mad, but I also know from how he was raised by his family. When I thought he was actually finished with the college situation, he would tell his parents, who doesn't like college, and his mom would say how she went through college but wasn't able to do anything and how useless it was. It happen once, and that passed, until he asked my family to talk about it. I got that information from my mom who supports my relationship, and my decision. Later, he made me uncomfortable by saying that he was going to take a years break and look for a house to live in while I am going to college, which he got mad after I told him I did not want too.
After we moved past with that, the problem he had was my plans to work with the FBI. For a while now it has been my dream, and something I feel like I need to do. I am aware of risks with it, which he needs to bring up when he talks about it, and I am working with my issues I know I need to sort out before joining. He before had begged me to not pursue the career, and asked me to chose between family or business. My final straw though was having his sister lecture me in her car. He had asked her if she knew I was going to join the FBI. While I was uncomfortable he watch me, but didn't help me.
The last point is that he has been very clingy. I can be clingy I admit, but at the same time, I am trying too work on it. He keeps pushing me to spend time with him, especially on the weekends when I want to spend time with my friends and family. With him pushing me though, and pushing on subjects I don't particularly want to talk about, I don't want to spend time with him any more. It feels suffocating and I need room to breath. I went through the last of my patience with him Saturday. I got sick with a pain in my side, and had to leave school early because of it. When he asked me if I could come over, and I told him no. He told me "You didn't have to hurt yourself if you didn't want to see me". I have been struggling with self-harm and been trying to recover. This triggered a lot of memories for me, and the pain of my side wasn't helping me. I did not talk to him for the rest of the day. This makes me really not want to see him anymore, and he doesn't seem to understand why.
​
TL;DR: AITA for not wanting to spend time with my BF because of my emotions towards the issues we had?
Edit: I talked it out with him. We made up, and I apologized for the issues and how I was going to work on it. He agreed, and we are both going as strong as ever. I realize that it was my fault for dwelling on the situations. And I am working on it with help.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
6Wtmq0TZ9AiwanXCo1LHx5Pa14eK5jMe
|
b8gk21
|
{
"description": "commenting on a FB friends school related post",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for commenting on a FB friends school related post
|
A brief background to our relationship - we are "online" friends who met about 25 years ago online. We used to chat a lot but when our third friend passed away about 10 years ago we really only kept in touch posting on each others social media.
Over the last few months this friend has been posting a bunch of things about issues with this teacher, or that teacher, or issues at her kids schools. I saw the latest semi-cryptic post today trying to find the parents of any kids that were in a particular class. It was worded very sharply, and it was obvious it was going to be a teacher bashing post like the others. I made a light hearted comment that I feared for the teachers at her kids school (she genuinely seems to have it in for them). She blew up and posted that this was serious business before unfriending me.
My intent posting it was really just to make her aware it's becoming a common theme. I mean, I think she's starting to look like one of those crazed parents, and if the school and it's teachers are such a problem then move your kids somewhere else.
AITA for commenting on her post?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
KAKPLpW1ChBs6nqQCTC41wCCtr2LrSQU
|
alvnbm
|
{
"description": "not asking my dad about his health while he's in cancer rehabilitation",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not asking my dad about his health while he's in cancer rehabilitation?
|
First, I want to say that I've never had a close relationship to my parents. I like to visit them every now and then, I'm very thankful for many things they've done for me but somehow I don't feel like I'm deeply connected to them. I've never talked to them about any emotional stuff, relationships and rarely tell them about my problems as I prefer to either handle them on my own or I think there are other people who can help me better.
Right now im going to university in another city so I only see them for semester breaks, christmas and some weekends where they visit me. Last year they visited me, we went to a restaurant and my mom asked whether I could save a certain day to drive my dad to a hospital in another city because he would stay there for some time and she didn't want to drive on her own in a big city she doesn't know. When I asked for why my dad needed to go to the hospital she told me it was some kind of "routine inspection". So no big deal, I drive my dad there and me and my mom are going back. My mom was in contact with him, she told me the surgery went well. At that point it was the first time that I was told there even was a surgery. Two weeks later we drive to the hospital again to get my dad, he's not allowed to drive yet, so I take my parents back home. At home my mom told me that I would have to see my doctor for some precautionary examination with 30 or 35 (while the normal age for that particular one is 45).
It was at that point that the pieces fit together for me that my dad actually had prostate cancer. Since she first asked me to drive him to the hospital 3 or 4 months passed in which I had no clue. Even until now they haven't talked to me about this. My mom mentioned some keywords such as "carcioma" or certain kinds of surgery procedures while talking to others when I was sitting next to them, but technically she hasn't mentioned it in a conversation with me.
From everything I've heard fortunately it was in a very early stage for my dad, the surgery removed all cancer cells, he's started working again, even does sports regularly as he's done before etc. Every time I visit them I of course ask how he's doing and he never mentioned any problems. Nonetheless currently he is in a rehabilitation clinic because healthcare pays for it while also covering what my dad would've earned working, so why not. This weekend they visited some friends, went partying, my mom sent me some pictures, so I assumed (and still assume) everything is going well.
Now I haven't seen them since christmas and my mom told me that my dad mentioned to her that he's really disappointed I don't ask him how he's doing.
Considering that to this day I haven't been told what exactly is going on I don't see why I'd be obligated to ask him here. Even if, I think that he wouldn't tell me if something was wrong. I mean, they didn't tell me he had cancer in the first place, and also the fact that he's disappointed was brought to me only via my mom, not directly from him.
So, AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
rJuOPyUl8kdTEmr3HfH3tIkiIDsjUNfh
|
a8qazx
|
{
"description": "orchestrating a plan to get bad roommate to eat bad food",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA because I orchestrated a plan to get bad roommate to eat bad food?
|
Pretty long so TLDR at the bottom.
AITA because I orchestrated revenge on a roommate? Wasn't even my roommate but a friend's. Bad Roommate (BR) was crashing with my friend who had a spare room. He didn't pay rent. He didn't help out around the apartment and he would eat food that wasn't his. Like all of it. The last straw was BR sent into 11's room and found his stash of peanut butter cap'n crunch and at all but the crumbs leaving an empty box. 11 was pissed.
He wanted to get revenge so I told him we should go down to taco bell and get some burritos and jerk off in them and leave them in the fridge. So that's what we did. There were 4 of us at the apt at the time and I tried to jerk off on a fresh burrito but I couldn't (they were laughing outside the door) so i grabbed a handful of hair from my crack and tossed them in. The other 2 dudes got the job done. The burritos were rewrapped and put in the fridge.
BR came home and opened the fridge and saw the burritos. He asked whose they were. We're told him they were someone's who wasn't there atm and he said fuck him and him and his friend were going to eat them. As they were heating them up we pretty much pleaded with them not to eat them. So as they ate them they made a big show of it saying how great they were. A big wad fell on BR's chin and he rolled it up on his pinky and sucked it up. We were laughing so hard but they thought that they were being funny. BR got my burrito with ass hair. We told him to take it back to taco bell (we told the kid the plan because we needed those sour cream stickers on them but no sour cream) but he pushed on pulling the hairs from the burrito and licking the beans and seed from his fingers. After he was done he burped in his friend's face and said it was so good he felt like he was just got done having sex and that it was the best burrito ever. We almost died.
We waited until the next day when they were over with their girlfriends. They didn't believe us until I asked how many hairs could accidentally fall in a burrito? They turned green and their girlfriends left in disgust, both because they ate cum burritos and that they were dicks for eating others people's food. AITA or was this justice and a teachable moment. They never ate other people's food in that house ever again so it worked.
TLDR: jerked off in burritos and left them in fridge so roommate who ate other people's food could learn a lesson. He learned it real good.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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swQM5n3UsAJ8ODAGrcQdMZrWvKkPD0Nc
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arf7vt
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{
"description": "walking out on my job",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for walking out on my job.
|
Tl:dr at bottom
It was a busy Saturday night shift working at a local tex-mex chain. One of those shifts that immediately has you shift into gear as soon as you clock in. Within a few minutes, I had my section full and got sat with an extra table. I was almost frustrated just having to take them given I still had a bunch I needed to do, but they seemed pleasant so I just moved past it.
All of this culminated in me fervently trying to sketch a path in my head to get everything I needed for all 4 tables . I then entered the kitchen calculating that I would need 2 boxes, 4 pint size containers with lids and some chips and salsa to go. This was in addition to the 3 other tables' stuff I needed to gather and drinks I needed to make for the new table. Pressed for time I hurried through the kitchen to gather everything up and was about done whilst grabbing the pint containers. My kitchen manager then yells that there is food that needs to go out cause it's sizzling. I tell him that I have way too much to do at the moment and can't afford the delay. Luckily another server soon stepped into the kitchen and grabbed the tray so I thought that was the end of that.
My kitchen manager wasn't done with me though. He grabbed the pint containers from my hand and told me that these were strictly meant for to go orders. This was one of those soft rules as you often winded up needing them for something. I started getting exasperated when thinking of all the work I still needed to do and said I needed 4 containers specifically because they had pints of soupy beans, etc. that would drip or spill in a to go box. He told me I didn't need them and should just use the regular to go containers for dine-ins, which were about 3-4 ounces each. Which would require 4-5 of them for a single thing of beans.
I started to get more and more frustrated as it was obvious to me I had no way of getting past this hurdle without burdening my guest into portioning their food into a dozen containers. I eventually lost my cool and started yelling at my managers that there was no way I could do it without the pint containers. They just kept telling me to calm down. I tried to explain to them that their food would drip in a box or not fit in the other containers they pointed me towards, perhaps yelling while doing so, admittedly.
Eventually one of my managers told me he was tired of my attitude and closing my section. I immediately just grabbed my stuff and walked out. Felt kinda guilty that this was the way I left after a year working here, so just wanted to know, AITA.
TL:DR I was stuck deep in the weeds serving and my managers and I yelled at my managers for not letting me use the to go containers I needed. They closed my section because of my yelling, I just grabbed my stuff and walked out the door.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not being satisfied with my sex life",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not being satisfied with my sex life?
|
I’m a guy and i love variety. My SO doesn’t. She prefers missionary and no foreplay. I love eating her out but am never allowed to because she hates it. I love doggy but she doesn’t. She doesn’t like foreplay. She doesn’t like me playing with her boobs- the only thing she likes is if i gently suck her nipples. She says fingers in her vagina don’t do anything for her. So it’s been tough for me to get super hard without any extras. She doesn’t seem to really enjoy the lead up though she does orgasm almost every time. We usually have sex 1x every 1-2 weeks. I sense she makes herself available just to keep me maintained. Sadly sex isn’t that fun anymore and we are essentially in maintenance mode. It’s a huge problem for us but she doesn’t want to talk about it. When i try she shuts down or she gets angry. She comes from a super conservative Christian family and i think there is shame and guilt around sex. This is one reason I’ve tried to be understanding. I’ve encouraged her to seek therapy and she started but then stopped. She won’t even change in front of me. So now we are in a fight and although it wasn’t directly about sex, the frustration we both feel is tearing our relationship apart. She just wants me to be ok with what she gives and I’m frustrated because although I’ve tried, I’m just not. It’s affecting other areas of our life. I know there are couples who can’t or don’t have sex at all so sometimes i feel like i should just be happy for what i get. But then i feel super resentful that i have to be denied all the time. Am I the asshole here?
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| null |
AITA? Is it me or just you?
|
AITA...
I’ll start with a little bit about myself. I’m a single working mom of 2. My problem is I don’t drive. I live with my parents. Note: I pay rent. My mom who doesn’t work gives me a ride to work. Note: I pay for the gas. For her generosity I buy her Starbucks every morning. It usually costs me around $6 for the both of us which is expensive for me but no biggie. Well today she decided to get something different. A hot tea latte. The tea alone was $6! The bill was $9 total. I did say “wow that was expensive” bc it caught me off guard. I wasn’t expecting a $9 bill. She over and over said that I was making her feel bad which wasn’t my intention. Than turned around and said she was joking. My statement back to her was “well maybe next time you could get just a normal tea.” I than dropped it. She just wouldn’t stop and starts with how she does everything for me! How many miles she is putting on her car. How she pays for oil changes. How she isn’t going to give me a ride anymore. I than got pissed! Let’s calculate....I work 4 days a week so $6X4=$24 a week. I get paid every two weeks so $48 every paycheck is a lot for me just for her latte.
Why can’t she understand that or am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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smykTgU5VuFPULglKW28y40I3M2wDhLh
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b60xy5
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{
"description": "snapping at my mom in front of family",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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|
AITA for snapping at my mom in front of family?
|
Throwaway 'cause there's some personal info here.
Quick background: me and my parents, especially my mom, have a rocky relationship. We bicker, she doesn't support my hobbies, doesn't ask me about school, and occasionally singles me out or makes jokes at my expense in front of my younger brothers (11 y/o twins). Every time I've raised issue with it has just stirred conflict, so I shut up and deal with it most of the time. My dad almost always takes her side.
This past weekend, we attended my cousin's wedding in a different city. This was a pretty big deal for the family (this is on my dad's side) so we kind of went all out for the weekend. On Sunday, we had a big barbecue at my uncle's house that pretty much everyone attended - cousins, aunts, uncles, the whole shebang.
During this gathering, there's obviously a lot of catching up with family and whatnot. This happened as I was sitting in the living room among the conversation between four or five adults. I hadn't said much until my aunt turns to me and asked the classic "taway, you should talk more! why are you so quiet?" Everyone else in the room looks at me expecting an answer.
I smiled and told her I was happy to just be there, but my mom feels the need to push further and ask me why I haven't been talking. Again, I just tell her that I don't have much to say and I prefer to sit and listen. After pushing for a bit, my mom scoffs and tells everyone "Sorry, she's always hiding in her room and never talking to anyone at home, too. Should have just left her in [home city]" (something along those lines).
Everyone laughs at this while I'm sitting there starting to get embarrassed. In the heat of the moment, I tell her to shut up and say "Yeah, I'd rather stay at home by myself so I don't have to put up with you".
This came out... sharper than I thought. I was met with an awkward silence and a horrible glare from my mom. This went on for a few moments until my aunt, who seemed equally annoyed at my words, quickly changed the subject. The awkwardness eventually faded, but me and my mom didn't talk for the rest of the night.
When we finally got home on Monday, my dad told me very sternly not to talk to my mom that way and that I need to apologize. Apparently I made her cry the night we got home, and we've barely talked since. I feel like what she did was bullshit because a) it wasn't true, I work a lot in between high school stuff (I'm 17) and b) I hate it when she singles me out like that in general. Even so, now the guilt is creeping up. I'm wondering if I was too harsh or if I damaged her relationship with my dad's family.
My younger brothers are mad at me too, and I got a text from my aunt saying that it was uncalled for. AITA for saying what I said?
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HISTORICAL
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au8rrm
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{
"description": "not letting our room to my sister despite that she has an exam tomorrow",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not letting our room to my sister despite that she has an exam tomorrow?
|
I'm on my phone and not native English speaker, sorry for that.
So, a little backround.
My parents are divorced and my sister (19) and me (21) go at my father's 1/2 weekends.
I'm an university student with two jobs and one theatre activity so my weeks are pretty busy and I only have the weekends to relax and enjoy my hobbies.
My sister wants to learn canine education but since there isn't any school for that she has courses in the afternoon twice a week for a total of 5 hours a week. I'm absolutely not judgemental about that, that is what she loves and I'me sometimes even more supportive than my parents (because she didn't want to go to univesity)
There is the issue.
She has an exam tomorrow and has spend 4-5 hours studying yesterday. She told me this course was easy and felt like it was explained like it was for kids so I don't worry for her at this point.
In my father's appartment we share the same bedroom (where our desk is) that is the quietest place there because it is at the opposite of the room with the television and the computer my dad works on.
So after lunch I say I need to use our room for one hour because I need a quiet place. (Because I needed to record something and I didn't want them to hear that).
She accept even if she is obviously annoyed but I don't pas attention. My dad saw that and said that he could swich the tv off for her to stay there and study but she said no she wanted to be in our room.
So I do my thing in there and 40 mins later she comes in with an angry face saying that she needs to study for her exam, I say that I'm almost done but need some more minutes and she storms out. like five seconds later my dad comes in saying that I must leave her the room because she has an exam. I answer that she's had the whole week to study and that I only have the weekend to do my things so it's not my fault if she runs out of time for this test (that's only at 18:00 tomorrow!!) And my dad then say that MY bad organisation must not impact HER studies.
I couldn't even answer that he also stormed out and gave me five minutes to finish.
I obviously can't do that in five minutes but I clear the deskop anyway and go find my sister. I tell her the room is free and she says "THANKS" like I owed that to her for decades.
I now feel like I'm the AH by the way they both talked to me even if I feel this was all unfair.
So AITA for not wanting to let my sister in the bedroom despite her exam ?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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0RdqIEuQLAqSfqfl5oqbNWBm3ddKaNU4
|
b0himb
|
{
"description": "legitimately checking my classmate's test paper",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for legitimately checking my classmate's test paper?
|
This happened a long time ago but i got this flashback and im bugged by it so i just want to hear your thoughts:
My classmate is like the jesus of our classroom, he is a helpful person and a calm boy. He's also one of the most respected ones due to his deeds. He's cool and all, but when it comes to tests and activities he acts too greedy just to have a high score. One day our teacher let us check our papers (not our own, just each other's), and i got his, our class is known for helping each other out, so almost everyone expects that their answers are going to be altered so they can have a higher score.
But im starting to have a conscience about what i might do, so i checked his paper legitimately. When he saw it he got dissapointed and told me "you can't do a simple thing". When we got out i noticed that my other classmates started to stay away from me, and when i noticed that one of them is staring at me i asked what was wrong, and he said that i cant check correctly, so i knew what was going on and i left. 2 of them are my "friends" which i helped throughout the schoolyear so im really dissapointed because they acted like they're butthurt about what i did too.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
|
NRE67drxneI2mxBo2WTHx5xAzqVbRIKz
|
a7r97w
|
{
"description": "telling my mother my sister got a second job",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for telling my mother my sister got a second job
|
My sister and mother always had an "uncomfortable" in my opinion interest in my love life. I admit I'm kind of a shut in who doesn't go out much and my love life is pretty much non existent. But every time I talk to a girl they ask me a million questions about it and i find it intrusive and annoying and any time I ask them to stop they just say no and keep talking about it despite my obvious discomfort in the matter.
It gets so bad I can't even leave the house without them asking me "where are you going", "are meeting a girl?",why aren't you meeting a girl. Disclaimer I'm a private person and I don't like telling people what I'm doing not because I'm an ass but because I'm a 22 year old adult who doesn't need to be asking permission Everytime I leave the house with my car. On my 21 birthday i Didn't want to really celebrate it because I didn't want to be in the center of attention. My mom noted my discomfort by saying "I'm just upset because I'm a 21 yr old virgin".
Now leading up to the incident my sister and I work the same job and one day during break she told out of the blue "I got a second job don't tell Mom" now I have no idea why she told me because I never ask her about her personal life or where she goes and meet. Not because I don't care but because I treat her the way I want to be treated she's a grown woman in her 30s who doesn't need people asking her stuff she doesn't want to share.
Then one day she ask me about one of my co workers and if I like her or not because that co worker called me her boyfriend in a joking manner. I say no (I do but I wanted too keep that between me and my coworker and I ask her to please not tell our mother) and forget about it. She then proceeded to tell me my mother and I get to find out by my mom waltzing in my room and laying across my bed and asking me if I have a secret romance with my coworker then asking me a million very personal questions , call me a prude because I don't like discussing my sex or love life with my mom,. I get mad because I never ask my sister for anything and the one thing I do ask she breaks the promise. So I told my mom my sister has a second job and she's Been lying to her about it for week's. My sister finds out about it-well I told her what I did then she gets mad at me because it "different" and her and Mom was just joking around and I broke a more serious promise.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
|
K0ppzzJscnsJFMLu0cfbznzRDqkzwes4
|
au0wjh
|
{
"description": "calling out a referee during the middle of a football match",
"pronormative_score": 0,
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}
|
AITA for calling out a referee during the middle of a football match?
|
Today, during the middle of a game of football, our goalie(who is new to the game) ended up picking up the ball outside of the box. This gave the other team a quick direct kick, which ended in a goal.
At the moment, our team was stunned by the goal(between the penalty and the goal was about 2-3 seconds), so in turn our center defense player(a referee for a local league) tried to tell the ref that the call made was wrong.
After some back and forth between the two, the ref ended up saying “you can either play ball, or keep being smart, because I’m ref-ing a few more games in your season.” At this moment I stepped in and asked the ref “ref, are you threatening one of our players?”, to which he carded me and told me to get off the field.
|
HISTORICAL
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|
ioHtGfi43ecwR1883gAUjqkltysFlVnJ
|
afscsy
|
{
"description": "not rushing to my wife's side to go to the hospital with her",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not rushing to my wife's side to go to the hospital with her?
|
My wife rang me whilst I was at work to say the doctor wants her to go to the hospital for what she explained are tests.
I asked if we could go without a booking, assuming it wasn't to go to ER or anything like that and she said yes it will be fine as the GP will notify the hospital we are coming.
So with my work, I run my own company and don't have to report to anyone, but rather instruct stuff so I tied off the day and had a coffee meeting that was scheduled 15 mins after my wife had called and so I went to that on my way home (cafe in the lobby if building). This meeting took 30 minutes so I was on the train home by about an hour after the first call.
My wife called as I got into the train to check where I was and was very upset and shocked that I was only just getting in the train. She then explained the doctor wanted her at the hospital in no longer than 30 mins from her visit.
So I am another 40 mins from home making her well over that 30mins to get to the hospital.
Am I the asshole?
As an FYI I don't think my wife is an asshole, she's an angel.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
W8PdBNQS2oNj7mq9zOOQIFzR91KfMH6A
|
aywi4b
|
{
"description": "kicking a guy off a computer because his headphones were too loud",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for kicking a guy off a computer because his headphones were too loud?
|
Ok this is rather minor and inconsequential but I'm kind of feeling bad about it. I work in a Library, usually in the computer section, which is beside the study area. It being a Library, quietness is expected.
Anyway, there's this one guy Jason, he's been coming in since I started work there 11 years ago. Jason is harmless, but I'm fairly sure he has some sort of learning disability. I also think he may come from disadvantaged circumstances. Anyway I kind of feel bad for the guy, but he is quite disruptive in his habits.
Part of Jason's daily routine is coming to the library every morning and using his alotted 1 hour session on one of the public PCs to watch music videos on YouTube. The problem is that his headphones are constantly really loud. I can hear his music from my desk across the room, and anybidy sitting near him can certainly hear it.
I have to ask him to turn down every day either by message or by going over to him. He turns down, but then inevitably turns up a few minutes later, like if I have to leave my desk for a moment. My co-workers also have to deal with Jason's loud music on the mornings I'm not working the computer area. We've all had to tell him to turn down on many occasions, it's a daily occurrence.
Anyway this morning I decided that the only way Jason was going to get the message was with some tough love. After telling him to turn down already, Tina Turner came blasting out of his headphones, much louder than anything yet that morning. So I said "fuck this" and ended his session.
He came up to the desk and said that the computer had gone off. I explained to him that I had ended his session and why. That he had ignored messages about his music, that it was a daily occurrence and it was unfair to those aroubd him.
He kept pleading with me that he'd keep it down and just let him have five more minutes. I didn't and told him to come back tomorrow. He kind of hovered around my desk for a few minutes asking again to let him back on, but I refused.
Now I feel like a dick. Even though his music was really loud, and some people were looking over, I usually like to give the guy a pass. He's not malicious, he's just not really aware of how disruptive he is being. I feel like this is the only way he'll get the message. But then again, the poor kid doesn't seem to have much going on in his life and his daily visits to the Library are clearly part of some routine he has. I feel shitty for messing with it, particularly if it could cause him distress. One of my friends has Asbergers and he freaks out if his routine is messed with, so I thought it might be a similar case with Jason.
Sorry about the length folks, and yeah pretty banal story, but I'd like to know if I'm being a dick here, or how I could have handled it better.
TL:DR - AITA for getting fed up with a (I assume) special needs guy for constantly turning up his music and annoying myself and the people around him?
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HISTORICAL
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aug59n
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{
"description": "not being a good team mate in a fortnight scrim",
"pronormative_score": 1,
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|
AITA for not being a good team mate in a fortnight scrim
|
Using a alt bc the team that I'm part on knows my reddit account through it being connected to discord.
So recently there was a few scrims that were public and great for experience run by two for nite esports teams, Atlantis, and Secret. I was part of the duo Atlantis scrim. Not semi finals or finals I was in qualifiers. So before you go asking questions I'm not an official fortnite pro. Well getting to the story. It was midgame and I was with my duo partner that wasn't in a team. He got knocked from someone is an actual pro team. He didn't finish my team mate off instead he went off looking for me, now this person on the pro team wasn't their best player, so he couldn't track were players went, because his game sense is next to nothing. I could have revived him but instead I went after the pro player to kill him, and although I did my team mate died from over time damage. And because I didn't have a partner in died with in the top 30, not giving is enough points for us to get out of qualifiers. AITA for trying to impress other people on my team and other teams by killing a pro player. But consequently getting us a bad placement?
|
HISTORICAL
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a2bqkw
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{
"description": "getting mad at my friend for bailing on plans last minute",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my friend for bailing on plans last minute?
|
Me and a friend were going to go a concert and less than 24 hours beforehand she bailed. I had asked her about it months in advance and she said she could and go and double checked multiple times and then she decided to tell me she would rather do something with her parents instead of something we had been planning for months. She was the first person I asked and I planned the rest of the group around her.
I got really frustrated and told her that it kind of screwed up my plans and now I have to scramble to find a person to give the extra the night before and she said “I was being mean” because I was upset about her ditching. I did hang up on her after I called her to talk about it because she was repeating the same thing over and over again saying “it’d be easy to find someone to replace me.. yes?... yes??.... yes???” and I feel like that was kinda immature but I was tired of hearing her same excuses and I texted her right after explaining why I was annoyed.Am I the asshole for being upset about this?
|
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|
{
"description": "not inviting an established member of my friend group to an event I am hosting",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA If I didn't invite an established member of my friend group to an event I am hosting?
|
Please note: Some (minor) details have been changed to maintain anonymity, but nothing pertaining to the actual moral issue here has been altered :)
​
Hi everyone,
So here's the story: I am a 23 year old that just graduated with my undergraduate degree, and am hosting a small get together to celebrate. I am part of a tight-knit friend group of 5 people, all of us have been friends since high school, but we moved away to different parts of the country for college. Right now, everyone is in our hometown because they either just graduated or have winter break. This is a pretty chill and established friend group, and we've hung out together regularly and kept up with each-others lives. We see each other every break, message each other all the time, etc. We're stillreally close friends, despite the distance.
The issue: One of these friends, Amanda, is really kind, fun and a great friend, but she can also be kind of a mess. She never does anything terrible like lying and stealing, but she constantly has to be talking about herself/telling stories about herself/etc and always makes events about her, even if they quite obviously are meant to be about other people (One time she cried at a mutual friends' birthday party because something she saw on the internet upset her, and the host had to spend 30 minutes outside comforting her during his own birthday dinner, to the point where people got concerned and were wondering where they had gone).
She also always does too much of whatever substance we are indulging in (We all like to occasionally drink together or smoke weed, both of which are 100% legal where we live). Everyone will take a couple of shots or take a few hits off a bong and still be completely normal/coherent, but Amanda will literally drink as much as she can or take edibles and insist on smoking a shit ton, and will then get really moody and awful to be around. She also inevitably gets really clumsy, and ends up spilling her drink, or burning holes in other people's carpet with the joint, because she's so fucked up.
Whenever anyone brings this up to her/tells her that maybe it's time to chill a little bit, she will just get really depressed and start talking about how "I'm an awful friend, you're right, I'm terrible", but never takes steps to correct her problem.
The dilemma: Honestly, my friends and I are NOT wild party people, and when I have my event, I just want it to be a chill and nice get together with friends. I want to invite people out for dinner, I want to bring them to my apartment, and I don't want to worry about Amanda getting too fucked up on restaurant wine or smoking all of my weed. We are all able to enjoy ourselves responsibly and safely, and I don't want to spend the entire time babysitting or indulging her when I really want to be having a good time hanging out with my other friends.
However, if I make a facebook group for this party without Amanda, I feel like she will inevitably find out and be really upset. This is her main friend group, and I know I would feel really bad if they excluded me, so I don't want to do that to somebody else. Would I be the asshole if I went ahead and did this anyway? Should I cancel the party and celebrate with my parents and S/O and skip the friend get together? Should I suck it up and invite Amanda, and try to take every possible precaution so that she doesn't taint the experience for anyone else?
​
Thank you for listening!
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
DnbrdnCEIMFDfnPqIc0bFlCOOIYrkJ5l
|
ak48wi
|
{
"description": "laughing when my coworker mispronounces things",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for laughing when my coworker mispronounces things?
|
Background: I (27F) have the same job as my coworker (23F). We both work in Recreation in a seniors independent living complex. I've been there for 2.5 years, she has been there for 9 months. Much of our job consists of running programs, driving the bus, and basically being in front of people (seniors and sometimes their families) and running the show. She was born in Canada and only speaks English, fluently (relevant).
​
Yesterday we ran a Scottish Trivia program together. She said she'd read over the questions beforehand. There were about 60 people in attendance, we were up at the front switching the mic back and forth doing the trivia questions. A few times she pronounced words wrong, so I quietly whispered to her the correct pronunciation, because from my point of view it was clear the seniors didn't know what she was talking about.
​
About halfway through she read the question "Who is the patron saint of Scotland?", however she read it as "pah-trohn", like the alcohol. People chuckled/laughed, so did I, because it was funny. An alcohol saint of Scotland, hilarious! No big deal. Or so I thought.
​
After the program, with our door and our bosses door (right next to ours) wide open, she asks if she can talk to me. She says that she feels very embarrassed when I correct her pronunciation doing a group activity like we were, and that she was bullied for it a lot in school and she gets a lot of anxiety about it. I reply saying that that obviously was not my intention to make her feel bad and I apologize. She replies saying I do this all the time and she's very sensitive about it (she mispronounced things a fair bit). I reply saying I only clarified the words because the seniors couldn't understand what she was trying to say, and I was not laughing at her or making fun of her. I offered for next time to go through the material with her beforehand to see if there are any words she is unsure of how to say, and I will help her. She replies saying no, it's just an anxiety thing, I get so much anxiety being in front of people already so it just happens. At this point we get interrupted and our conversation ends there.
​
I can see her point of view - I know she has issues with anxiety, etc. However, the way I would have handled it (and did, because I pronounced some Scottish words wrong too), was to laugh it off and be a part of the joke, rather than taking it as a personal attack, which it wasn't.
​
She's had anxiety issues with this job before, and this was the 3rd issue in 24 hours (the first being she had too much anxiety to drive the bus, so I had to drive, the second being refusing to do a lip sync thing for an event we have planned for April, the third was this event). She's taken MANY days off due to anxiety, as in drained her whole sick bank and then a couple weeks on top of that. The majority of our job is to be in front of people and be entertaining - if that causes this level of anxiety, why work in this job at all?
​
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
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|
ajf3n8
|
{
"description": "calling a neighbor a \"see you next Tuesday\"",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA (WITA) for calling a neighbor a "see you next Tuesday"?
|
This happened a while ago, almost two years ago, so WITA (was I the asshole) applies more than AITA or WIBTA.
I used to live in an apartment complex. You needed a key but some of the maintenance guys had a code they could use to buzz themselves in. One of them told me it one day and I basically used the code in lieu of a key all the time because it was easier/faster.
Brought my dog out one day and the lead broke during our walk. It's one of those retractable ones and the lead snapped, making it useless unless I wrapped it around my dog's neck I guess. I didn't. I decided to cut our walk short and just carry her home.
I get to the door and a woman is just entering. I asked her if she could hold the door for me and she forcibly closed it. Whatever, you're not supposed to let strangers in, so I get it. It's not about decency, it's about security. So I go over to punch in my code and the door beeps, but she still holds it closed. "If you don't have a key you're not getting in" I'm paraphrasing what she said.
At this point I'm not sure what to do. I got my dog in my arms, I don't want to put her down, so I stand there for a moment or two all the while this woman is forcing the door closed until it beeps again and relocks.
I decide to just buzz my apartment and have my wife buzz me in. She begins to walk off as I get in touch with my wife and eventually get in. She has some snide remark "the landlord will hear of this" and I called her the titular word as I take the stairs up to my apartment. Never saw her again and her landlord threat was empty I guess.
WITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
WRONG
|
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|
a1pa09
|
{
"description": "arguing with a ref after a youth basketball game",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for arguing with a ref after a youth basketball game?
|
I’m a fifth grade teacher. I also coach basketball in my school district for middle school aged kids. It was a home game and we had a new ref. First he made my boys take off their under shirts. They were wearing black, white, and grey undershirts. These are pre-teen boys who kinda have low self-esteem and were not comfortable going shirtless underneath the jersey. He made them take them off. The other team arrives and DOESN’T SAY SHIT SHIT ABOUT THEIR undershirts.
As the game goes on he’s just really controlling. Yelling at kids and kinda telling them what to do in a condescending way.
We play two 20 min halves and the clock . runs (barely feels like we have anytime to play!) We’re down 5 points with 3 min in the first half left and the ball goes out of bounds. A player of mine is covering the in bounder. The ref holds the ball and tells his hands can’t cross the line. Fine. That a given and my player backs off. He hold the ball longer and continues to tell my player to back off. 20 secs run off and I calmly yell “in bound the ball ref! Its a running clock!” Finally it’s inbounded.
Then during the game he runs up to me and says that he doesn’t appreciate telling him about the clock.
After the game he finds me again and he immediately gets pissed at me. Saying that he doesn’t appreciate me not letting him teach what’s right and wrong. I said that there was a time and place and that he could have waited until after the game to impose his will. Not during the game while the clock is running. I’m all for his help but when you’re already patronizing players and then decide to create a teaching moment during a game that’s kinda intense then you’re kinda doing it wrong. He just wouldn’t see it like that and said that he has the right to say and do what he wants. But I’m the coach and it felt like he was super ceding my authority. He just rolled his eyes and never really heard me out. I didn’t argue all game
Until he seemed super offended afterwards that I let him know it was a running clock.
He was trying to preach consistency but when I mentioned to him that he made a big deal
About our undershirts and didn’t say squat to the other team about theirs he had nothing to say! He just rolled his eyes and walked off.
I’m just trying to defend my thinking and also let him know that just because he is ref doesn’t mean he can super cede anyone’s authority.
Am I the asshole?????
TLDR: i argued with a ref after a youth basketball game because he tried to create a teaching moment with the clock running. I thought the teaching moment could have waited until after the game because we barely have time to play in the first place because we play two 20 min halves with the clock running.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
r52fqHJ9OYQOkoDlEuyJvO9qvNxoLh4M
|
b6y91h
|
{
"description": "yelling at a golf team on a golf course",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for yelling at a golf team on a golf course?
|
I frequent a well maintained municipal par 3 golf course near my work. Yesterday after work, I met a friend there to enjoy a casual round. There was a group of 12 younger dudes playing in foursomes. Totally normal. Then I see them teeing off from different areas than the actual tee box, elongating the holes (longest holes are 110 yards.) Ok, whatever. They kept a decent pace. However if a player didn't hit the green on their first shot, they would hit a second and third ball. When my friend and I got to the greens after them, they were peppered with ball marks. This happened on every green. Some folks like, 'oh its just a municipal course, i dont have to treat it nice.' I hate those people.
I play at this course all the time and I would describe my game somewhere in between bad and fair. I try to repair as many ball marks as possible so perhaps the golf gods would take pity on a poor soul. Keep in mind that the ground is fairly soggy here and these players were leaving some big craters.
As my buddy and I approached the 7th tee box, the whole group of players were now amassed on the 8th tee all playing together at this point. After teeing off, we passed each other and I called out to them. "Hey, are you guys on a team or something?" I asked. I was thinking for several holes how to approach these guys. Honestly I thought they were in high school. When one of their players said, "Yeah, we're on a team," I lost my shit and shouted, "then fix your fucking ball marks!" None of them said a word. My buddy says to me, "Geez, old man much?"
We finished putting on the seventh green, and the entire group is was posted up, chipping and putting on 8. The 8th tee box is right by the parking lot so we decided to just call it a day. As we went past all their golf bags they left on the 8th tee box, I noticed... they were from a COLLEGE team. They definitely know better.
I googled the school and emailed their head coach. I did apologize for using profanity. But yes, I did snitch on them.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
WRONG
|
yhqGkxJwS7e5MLx5y9Y0UrlxvBTgQuOL
|
anrk53
|
{
"description": "not inviting some family to my brother's coming home cookout for sake of my mother's mental health",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not inviting some family to my brother’s coming home cookout for sake of my mother’s mental health?
|
TLDR: momma drama, affects my brother’s coming home cuz I didn’t invite some close fam.
My mom was a single parent for most of my childhood. She’s sweet, loving, honest and extremely loyal.
She tends to get caught in the middle of the family fights. Every time something happens, people drag her into it. Since she wants everyone to get along, she always tries to mediate but gets shitted on for getting too involved. It’s caused a lot of incidents where miscommunications have led to her being cast out or shunned. Whoever was beefing would treat us(her kids) as if nothing was going on but wouldn’t invite her to birthday parties and family gatherings where they would eventually shit-talk her and whatnot. Mind you, I always thought we were pretty tight knit, but now i see my mom would always get the shit end of the stick but in these situations. She wouldn’t lash out or react to keep all us kids out of the drama.(Us 2nd gen kids are super close)
It’s taken a toll on her and i feel so bad that she’s been taking that type of abuse for so long. She loves our family, but doesn’t acknowledge just how toxic they can be.
She’s coming around and has decided enough is enough, and has started to cut some of that toxicity out of her life. My mom and i are super close so obviously I’m going to side with her.
Now, one of my cousins (who is just a bit closer to my brother) was planning my brother’s coming home party with me. His mom is one of the people that my mom has decided to not have anything to do with anymore. I took it upon myself to let my cousin know of the situation. Didn’t give him all the deets of what went down with my mom and his but told him i did not want her there. He understands to some extent cuz he’s seen the mistreatments of my mom, but since i didn’t give all details of the situation involving his mom, I was scolded for “making this all about my mom and not about my brother that’s coming home.” I agree to an extent, but also don’t want to give my mom anymore shit to deal with now that she’s choosing to give herself a break from the BS.
My cousin’s decided to not attend anymore and is pretty much telling me I’m picking sides instead of trying to keep things neutral for my brother’s sake. Idk, I feel bad cuz we’re all affected but I’m more concerned about my mom’s well being.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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L4zN9UIb7gpsVsguvuSLmL9C8h62fr9f
|
amsf3z
| null |
Aita
|
I hate my uncle's new wife he married her for money and now that they blew through the money there broke and have nothing and she abuses her dogs and is very rude to her baby and my Uncle's kid
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
3chcg9Vv0otz9Nu1kKiW0MOpr41mOdDK
|
aseov4
|
{
"description": "cutting ties with my ex and their mom",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for cutting ties with my ex and their mom?
|
I broke up with my ex of 7 years. There was a lot of abuse coming from both ways. After going to therapy for a few months, I came to the conclusion that I could not continue my relationship with them. I ended the relationship.
​
I had a good relationship with their mom, I helped her and she definitely helped me. She said she considered me a son. I appreciated her a lot. My own mother was working on getting her residency. My mom is here legally under temporary protected status. Current circumstances means it's expiring within the next year. My mom works, I work. However, my mom needed a joint sponsor because despite me making enough to sponsor her alone, my taxes didn't represent that.
​
I ask my ex's mom if she can joint sponsor her, and she says of course. She herself was an immigrant, and she understood the difficulties. To explain what the joint sponsorship entails; in case of some medical or legal issues accrue. The Sponsor (Me) would be responsible in paying any and all fees that the sponsored person would have. This is only until the sponsor gets their citizenship. If for some reason, I could not do that then the joint sponsor (ex's mom) would be responsible. However, like I explained both my mom works (legally) and I work. I alone would have been enough to sponsor her but alas my taxes.
​
A few weeks later, I get a text from their mom. It roughly goes like; "I'm withdrawing my sponsorship. I'm sorry I have no choice. I only did it because you and they were together and I did it for you as a favor to your relationship and now that it's over, I don't see the point." I was absolutely crushed. This hurt me so much. My mom and their mom had were on good terms.I get another text basically saying, "I didn't do this to be spiteful, the lord frowns down on those who are spiteful."
​
However, I told their mom I understood. I did not argue, I did not get upset. My focus was on finding a new sponsor because the paperwork was already sent out, and having to replace it just further delays the process. My mom was pissed as hell obviously, but yeah. That was the way the cookie crumbles. Ex messages me saying to respect her decision and to be an adult about it.
​
But fuck, do I feel bitter about this. So I don't want anything to do with them.I feel like, how could you say I was like a son to you and then turn around and not just hurt me but hurt my mother. My mother who had nothing to do with this relationship ending.
**WIBTA** if I never want anything to do with them again? I thought maybe down the line we can try and be friends. Because I considered them a best friend but after this, I just don't know. I don't think I could ever look at their mom the same way.
**tl;dr Broke up with ex, their mom was helping sponsor my mom's chance of citizenship with me. Their mom withdraws their sponsorship because we broke up, and I don't want anything to do with them anymore.**
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
0qiuSE4qXk2dGVCgi0g9t7rcLObAZflW
|
alu6d0
|
{
"description": "not picking my friends group",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not picking my friends group?
|
Basically, we were given groups in a project thing and she was put with people she absolutely dispises. For some reason, I was able to pick my group as I was a leftover. I felt really bad for picking another group when she was begging me to join hers.
But the thing is, shes been changing a lot and becoming nasty, so I didnt want any negative energy when doing a project. Apparently Im the one at fault for leaving her in the dark? I dont even know
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ekfTWxal45FJ2E3oFXTcLSLAHM5q4aZZ
|
b68t79
|
{
"description": "regularly using restaurants feedback form to get free meals",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for regularly using restaurants feedback form to get free meals?
|
I eat out pretty often, and of course, some of these experiences are bad. About a year ago was the first time I used the site on the receipt to tell a restaurant about my experience. It was a pretty terrible experience at popular pizza place in the US. I got an email apologizing and asking for an address so they could mail me coupons to make up for it. I got 3 free pizzas in the mail a few days later.
Since then I semi regularly (a few times a year) complain when I have a bad experience at a restaurant knowing full well that they'll offer me a free meal out of it. I figure this might make me an asshole because I could just leave them a google review or stop going or whatever.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
NOBODY
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
xjnIOHCVaMgRdF8yMReFuSBpRtETMNKI
|
b90clt
|
{
"description": "wanting to date my ex's and my friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to date my ex's and my Friend
|
So I (30M) and my ex (30F) who dated for five years have been broken up on and off the past two years and officially done for eight months. We moved to a city together when we first started dating and have a lot of the same friends.
The reason I bring this up is that a few years back we tried to open up our relationship and one weekend during that time while my ex was out of town, I ended up hanging out with one of the women (35F) in our friend group for an entire weekend while my ex was gone. Nothing sexual happened but I did spend the entire weekend at her house. Things didn't go over well with my ex (I told her immediately when she got home) and at the time caused some turmoil in our relationship which we were able to overcome.
There was also tension between my ex and this woman, but quickly the two of them became closer than they ever had been before. It should be noted that my ex had hooked up with a random guy while I was out of town previous to this while she was out with a few friends so most everyone knew about this open relationship thing.
Fast forward to about a year ago and I was out with some friends and ran into the same woman. We hung out and I spent the night and the following night at her place (nothing sexual happened again) and that was that. We both get along well but she told me she cared about my ex and didn't want to hurt the relationship since they are closer and better friends now. I was respectful of this and that was that between us other than seeing each other at various get-togethers.
Fast forward to about a month ago and we find ourselves together at a bar and hit it off quite well as we do except this time she texts me after she leaves. Since that night we have been hanging out together (No sex still at this point) and things are going well. She has mentioned that she really likes hanging out with me but still has the same apprehension. I understand where she is coming from and this is the reason why we haven't had sex or started exploring this relationship more. I really want to be respectful but I am kind of letting things happen and not fully supporting letting this thing go since I like this person.
I don't want to compromise my ex and this womans relationship but part of me feels like my ex is somehow controlling this in some capacity. The reason I say this is the first time after we spent that weekend together I was getting the vibe that my ex put herself more in this womans life to check that nothing was going on between us and is still doing that. I don't view my ex in a bad light and I still love her very much as a person and I know she feels the same about me but my ex wanted our relationship to end. I feel like I would have some sort of regret if I just let this all go and didn't pursue this to some degree. I have tried to look at things as if I was in their shoes and I just want what is best for everyone. AITA for not just letting this whole thing go and only seeing things from my point of view?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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RIGHT
|
dAV764NIQMmbNchlSFPUpXmZ1cFkvxje
|
b1znic
| null |
AITA For pretty much always saying no to going out when my friends ask.
|
AITA:
The other day my bestfriend invited me to one of my friends party. But I dont like going out (which he knows) so I lied and said I have been sick the whole week. Anyhow my bestfriend comes home from that party and sees that im online on steam. He start writing to me and going off on me. Pretty much saying that, he always trys too, get me in to diffrent people's party's and that all i do is take and take and never give. Which made me mad as hell, because I have never asked him for his help. I have told him that i love to hang out with him and another friend anytime. But i cant handle going out and meeting, the whole friend group. Because it always ends with drama and I only really like 2-3 of them (Which he knows). But he also starts going off that I use him to drive me around, because he has a licence. To which I say that I have only asked him that like 3 times and when I asked he said, he was going to drive in to town anyhow (that is what he told me atleast)
Just want to point out it is very true that I do say no to going out (Like almost always), like they do. Which is every fucking week. I dont have money for it. But my bestfriend is very succesful and always says that, he will pay. Which just makes me feel like shit. I should probly tell him this. But I dont know. I just dont want to be around everyone. Not because i hate them but because I just feel like im wasting my time outside of talking to the people i like.
Plus what the fuck is so funny getting drunk every week and going out to the club just to do nothing in there, outside of maybe seeing old faces?.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
2RmhkTMB2bbNEjWV3H96c7UfYsLPjEC4
|
b8qyz4
|
{
"description": "going for a drink with an old mates ex",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for going for a drink with an old mates ex?
|
The old mate in question I was friends with in college when I was 16 and we were close for the 2 years we were at college but lost contact after that. Within that time she was with a boyfriend whom I also became close friends with but there was nothing romantic between us at all. They since split up a few years back and she moved to a different country. We haven't spoken since I was 18 and I am now 22 and it is highly unlikely the friendship would be rekindled.
I recently got tinder and am just using it casually; matching most people who I know in real life too for courtesy. I matched the ex boyfriend in question and we had a general catch up and he suggested going for a drink to catch up further. It may not be anything else other than that but I feel the implication is there. WIBTA for a) doing so without the old friends knowledge and b) if it went further.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b3znmu
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{
"description": "lying to avoid covering shifts on my days off? the person I care for at work is completely disabled",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for lying to avoid covering shifts on my days off? The person I care for at work is completely disabled.
|
Posting from a throwaway because I feel like a major asshole and my default account has vaguely identifying info.
I work as an at-home caregiver, my job involves working one-on-one with a single client multiple days a week. She has other people who also work for her as well as friends and family that know how to assist her in the ways she needs as well. It is worth noting that she is completely disabled. She cannot do anything on her own (no use of legs or arms) without someone there to assist her. I met her through mutual friends at a funeral, one of her fill-in caregivers had passed away and the person who passed away had been my friend too. She needed help badly and my heart ached for her. We got in touch via social media and I asked her what days of the week she needed a caregiver, it just so happens that my availability matched her needs.
My job is physically demanding and as much as I feel bad admitting - stressful - at times. I am beside my “boss” all day while I’m at work and although I really have enjoyed a lot of the time I have spent helping her and getting to know her, she can be pretty bossy (for lack of better words), in the “demanding” context of the word. My job is to help her with daily tasks and essentially live life, so she has to tell me what she needs or would like to do so I can do it for her or help her do it but she can be kind of mean about it which can be taxing. Between the physicality of the job and the mental aspects I can get worn out at times so I appreciate my days off to recoup. I have bonded with her quite a bit due to the personal nature of the job and oftentimes enjoy her company. I would go as far as to say she is a friend as well as my employer now. There’s been instances where her other caregivers have had appointments to be at and she has asked me to cover for them with notice and if I am able (which has been 100% of the time), I go work on my days off.
This has been becoming a more common occurrence but with little-to-zero notice (I understand life happens) but I have found myself dreading her asking me to cover other caregivers shifts. The last two instances I have fibbed about having other goings-ons when she’s asked me to cover and I feel like an asshole. My heart goes out to her so much but I also have a child in kindergarten and household responsibilities I tend to and have just wanted my days off to be exactly that... my days off. I don’t want to make her life harder by not agreeing to go in to work. I feel like she knows I’m just the “easy” person to ask because I have a hard time saying no while these other people don’t. But then again, maybe I’m wrong feeling that way. I also suspect the other caregivers are seeing that I will cover their shifts and are taking more time off and rendering themselves unavailable in return.
Am I the asshole? If so, how can I better handle the situation? I work with her one on one every day so it is a bit different than barely ever seeing your boss.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ar2kjm
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{
"description": "dropping out of college when my sister paid for the tuition",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for dropping out of college when my sister paid for the tuition?
|
When I was 15, my father(65) died to prostate cancer. He had a modest job and didn't make much money. Regardless, he had always been frugal and managed to save up. When he died, he left me with around 25k in the bank. I had always gone to a private school(the norm in my country), so most of that money went to my mother so she could raise me and put me through high school. My mother has always been a very neurotic and unreliable person(unable to hold down a job) and could not contribute much. I did not have a lot of money leftover for college or college prep. My older sister(33) and her husband who are both the 'breadwinners' in the family, paid for everything. I had FA but that only covered about half of my tuition.
Fast forward a bit. I went off to school, as an international student in the US, and things do not go well. I had no friends and was overwhelmed by work and my depression worsened. I attempted to see a counselor several times but it was difficult and weeks between appointments. It's a little bit before finals and I am feeling very suicidal with no support system, sometimes not taking my meds, and generally just thinking about the best way to kill myself. I feel trapped so I write my sister a heartfelt email telling her that I am not in a good place and she tells me she will pull me out of school and send me back home to my mother. For clarity, I hate my mother and my country and it was partially why I so desperately wanted to go off to school in USA. I was bullied severely(LGBT) home and the emotional abuse my mother put me through was well-known by my siblings. My mother hits me, told me to "kill myself", and yelled at me for my entire life. It only got worse once my father died and I could no longer stay with him. That being said I panicked and told my sister I didn't want to go home to my mother, she told me my only other option was to stay in school. So I did....and being deathly afraid of going home but also suicidal, I didn't go to any of my exams and stayed in my dorm room and cried and ignored all of her calls and attempts to withdraw me from school and send me home.
I eventually had to go home anyway(semester was over). Of course since my semester 1 grades, though good, weren't enough to counter me not taking ANY of my finals, my school sends my sister a letter saying I failed and can no longer come back to the school. At this point in my life I am very depressed and hate my sister for 'sending me home' to my mother and not doing more to help me and from her perspective, she is also upset with me for spending money on some kid out of the goodness of her heart only for them to be a failure.
We didn't speak for years...partially because I was deathly afraid that she was upset with me, and partially because I was angry at her for her response. I am doing better now and my sister and I have light conversations and pretend it never happened but I want to come to terms with it and deal with it emotionally. AITA?
​
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HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
RIGHT
|
zBG1vmvnv3abfl0MaZtn27Uvvxu4Y00i
|
b6tcc0
|
{
"description": "turning down the tv in the room next to mine since it was keeping me up",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for turning down the TV in the room next to mine since it was keeping me up?
|
So, my (17M) twin brothers (12M) are playing video games with a couple friends at 11pm. I was in my room attempting to sleep, but the video game noise was keeping me up. I walk into the room and decrease the TV volume and then one brother throws a fit. My mom tells the boys it’s time to turn off the games and go to sleep. The other thing to note is that this game could be played without any noise.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
Xmc7ewWOONDw6RjWqXP9mjonwm2TO35e
|
azw2yd
|
{
"description": "attending a liar's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for attending a liar's wedding?
|
My uncle is getting married this weekend.
Everyone knows except his kids. And ex-wife.
His ex-wife has some dirt on him that could get him fired from a job he's about to retire from in a few months. So he hasn't told his kids because then his ex would find out etc.
I am friends with the kids (my cousins), we love and care about each other a lot.
AITA if I attend this wedding, knowing what I do?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
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|
RIGHT
|
jb7LD2yKVexihxgt01h5WfFEUIUwnvkb
|
b4rn4f
|
{
"description": "reporting potential harassment",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for reporting potential harassment?
|
I went out with some friends, halfway through Susan typed in the group chat that she saw a security guard had touched Brenda's waist on the pretext of helping her get through a door and she saw it. And then she claimed the guard was acting creepy and had approached her too. I asked which one it was because there were multiple. No reply in the group.
After the fact I was quite concerned and after we left I messaged Susan in private asking which one it was and stating that I would write in to management to express my concern as there were also children in that place who could be harassed. She was grateful and identified the culprit.
However two weeks later, now Susan and Brenda have ganged up and now Brenda is unhappy that I complained and said I should have told her first and demands I send an apology email to the management, Susan now claims that she had sorted things out with Brenda before I messaged Susan to identify the guard and Brenda had only been brushed accidentally and I should have spoken to Brenda before complaining.
I asked Susan why it is that she still identified the guard when I messaged her after that and she was happy that I complained, she claimed she had skimmed through the message and said she thought I had the common sense to ask Brenda first, to which i replied that Susan was the witness and the one who freaked out and claimed the guy was acting creepy in the message.
Now it's a big mess and I have to basically sort it out with management. Am I the asshole for going ahead and reporting it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
sq4PEgcHux86yDf4M0dc5PGjN9KbPuNs
|
9w9mcb
|
{
"description": "lying to my mum",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for lying to my mum?
|
I always get in arguments with my Mum because I am terribly depressed constantly and she refuses to do anything about it. She complains that I’m so negative I say it’s because I’m depressed and she gets upset at me for being depressed, and the cycle continues.
I don’t specifically blame her for refusing to take me to therapy or get me on medication (she doesn’t believe in it and doesn’t want to spend money on me) because I don’t have the guts to go myself so I can’t really rely on anyone else. But without those two options I am very limited on how I can treat my depression.
This is an issue because part of the arguments I have end up talking about how it can be resolved, her telling me to do activities like painting and going to the gym and me telling her that I do those things but I still have the overwhelming urge to end my life.
Most of these arguments end up with her getting extremely upset and bitter against me and calling me a liar among other things. I understand why because when I try all these activities I usually go along with it for as long as possible and tell her that I’m doing fine or that it’s going well, but later she then finds out that I was lying to avoid hurting her.
So am I the asshole even tho all I’m doing is trying to avoid upsetting her and burdening her and ultimately the big arguments at the end of it, and if anything she gets more angry If I tell her I’m not fine so it’s a lose-lose situation.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
RIGHT
|
ZasgrWO5wMENt4AfFsYny0QeiBcCsRZ1
|
b9l6et
|
{
"description": "confronting something that was hurting me months after it started",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for confronting something that was hurting me months after it started?
|
I’m currently in an argument with my friends boyfriend because I confronted him on why I wasn’t okay with their relationship.
Long story short, I had a thing with him, it didn’t work out, he dated my friend shortly after. I felt used as a way to get close to her. I never claimed he did use me I just said that I felt that way.
He said that I did it to myself for not saying anything sooner but I didn’t want to ruin my friends relationship or be seen as a bad person. Am I in the wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
983hpSVQZBIwG23x2c3I87lZdcg8Tz1D
|
azb93m
|
{
"description": "telling my parents how I really feel",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my parents how I really feel?
|
Hello, this may be a bit long and I'm horrible at English so please excuse any mistakes in this story. This is my first post to Reddit so I have no clue if I need to do anything or not, I’m very clueless as to how this site works. Anyways, I’m on this subreddit because I feel bad for what I’ve done even though I did absolutely nothing wrong and I think if other people tell me how they see it I’ll feel a bit better, I honestly just want more opinions. My parents are good people and they would never try to hurt me but recently they sort of have. This all started when we went on a vacation to the Philippines. They loved it and they still do. We moved back to America about a year ago and they always talk about missing the Philippines, but more recently they’ve been pushing it. Each time during dinner they’d talk about it and make jokes about us living there forever (they knew I didn’t want to move there at all, I have nothing against the Philippines I just really like America) That didn’t bother me at first but the jokes were just starting to get very annoying. Once at dinner my mom said that she would feel terrible if she died before she got to live in the Philippines and my dad would just laugh. When she first started saying things like that I didn’t care it was just extremely annoying. But lately it’s been really bothering me and making me feel like a bad person. I love my mom so much and I really want her to be happy. My dad isn’t pushing it as far as my mom is but he just kind of allowed her to continue this. I didn’t say anything about how it was bothering me until today. My mom was asleep when I told my dad that it makes me feel horrible when she says these kinds of things because I feel like I’m the reason shes not happy. He said shes just saying things (I 100% think shes just saying things as jokes but even as jokes they still do affect me) I don’t know why but ever since I feel so bad at the fact that my mom would feel bad for making me feel bed. She hasn’t woken up yet and my dad didn’t say anything to her yet so I don’t know how she feels but I still feel very bad. Like I said before my parents aren’t bad people just not that self aware. Thank you for listening to my problems and maybe giving feedback.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
6bTMQXKlpKXPBHy9VSa6w1AiICxWqhoZ
|
awb7m4
|
{
"description": "getting into a light argument with my friend... over pokimane",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For getting into a light argument with my friend... Over Pokimane?
|
TL;DR I told him that he had a crush on a piece of shit (Pokimane), but I feel like a hypocrite because I like Belle Delphine.
​
My friend has one of those celebrity crushes on a Twitch streamer, Pokimane. A while ago, unknowing that he liked her, I linked him to a video exposing her and all her wrongdoings. He got mad and refused to watch the video because he told me he liked her. I tried explaining how she's more or less a Twitch thot who abused the copyright strike system on YouTube and basically humiliated a guy on stream. I mentioned how, yes, the guy (whom was making "Pokimane Thicc Compilations") shouldn't have produced the content he did, but she called him out and humiliated him in front of her thousands of fans.
​
He still doesn't like it whenever I talk shit about Pokimane, but it's not too big of a deal, so it doesn't come up too much in conversation. What really pisses him off is something that might make me seem like a hypocrite. I kinda have a celebrity crush on an Instagram thot named Belle Delphine, but he doesn't. He's telling me that she does more or less the same thing; my argument to that is: Yeah, she whores out for clicks and money but she doesn't abuse any copyright strike systems, humiliates people on stream, and isn't genuinely a toxic person, so while her career is centered around her pandering towards thirsty, sexually deprived men and women, she's not a bad person in terms of personality.
​
Granted, Pokimane doesn't actively try to slut out, but sometimes it's kind of obvious what she's trying to do.
​
I'm now understanding that I shouldn't care who people like because that's on them, but it kinda pisses me off because I don't think he realizes just how toxic Pokimane can be.
​
Inb4 "you both are pretty sad for liking Pokimane/Belle Delphine out of all people". Yeah. We know. We're losers, lol.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
j5CBVaLWd4ihFJMKp2qFDr3XPTDnjUl6
|
al36m5
|
{
"description": "yelling at my GF and refusing to apologize for it, even if that means she will break up with for over that",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for yelling at my GF and refusing to apologize for it, even if that means she will break up with for over that?
|
I want to give you guys a little idea about the context, so this post is probably going to be a little long.
My gf (19f) and I (21m) have a LDR. This obviously brings some difficulties, as we only see eachother every three months or so. We're both in uni, but she has been struggling alot with motivation and anxiety. She doesn't enjoy the path she's going and as a result has been very down the last months. She wants to quit uni, but has absolutely no idea what to do instead. I have been helping her as much as I can, I think. I am always trying to give her advice, help her with motivation, be supportive when she is feeling down etc. But I am getting a little frustrated about the fact that she is not following any advice i give her! I have been helping her with her with options she could explore instead of uni, i've told her that it would be good to get a therapist to help her with her anxiety (as I know I just simply fix that for her) etc. The problem is that, instead of working towards a solution, or trying to find a passion, she decides to do nothing. I know it is a scary situation to not know what the hell you want to do with your life, but the problem is that she has been getting angry with me because supposedly i am not helping her "enough".
An example is that would ask me: What should i do? Should I quit uni, should I continue? What would you do? My answer to this was simply: I would not continue with uni if you KNOW that it is not going to make you happy.
She then gets frustrated and tells me that I always give the same answer, and that she just wants me to tell her what to do! It's like she expects me to know exactly which career is going to make her happy? I really dont know either obviously. I told her that maybe you could go to the US for a couple months to study English, kinda like a gap year. But then she refuses to look into things like that. It's like she just expects to one day wake up and have found her passion. As you can understand this lethargy is making me slightly annoyed, because like I said, she refuses to actually take the advice that i give her, and then she gets mad at me for not helping her enough. Anyways, this was some background information. Now to the actual situation that I am dealing with now.
Last night we were on the phone and the same subject came up. I could tell by her voice that something was wrong, so I asked her what was up. She then said that she was just confused because she doesnt know what the fuck she wants to do with her life. She then (again) told me that I am not helping her enough. Of course this kinda struck a nerve with me, because i have been doing everything i can to help her. Ive been doing a lot of research for her, exploring different options etc. Anyways, i responded with: "babe, but you haven't been doing any of the things i told you! You haven't told your parents you want to go to a psychologist, you haven't been going to the gym, you haven't done the research to go to america, you havent read any books, you havent listened to any audiobooks on anxiety, you havent meditated, etc. I have given you so many options on how to feel better, but youre just not listening to me!" She then gets mad at me that i always give the same answer, and that she just wants me to help her.. So i try (for the millionth time) to give her my opinion on the matter, and i try to explain to her what i would do in her shoes. But as i try to talk, she just keeps interrupting me about everything i say. She doesn't let me talk at all and just keeps rambling on about how I don't care about her, how I don't help her enough etc. I keep asking her: can you stop interrupting me please? This literally goes on for 15 minutes, i just cant say 3 words withour her interrupting me, and telling me that im not supporitve enough. So now I am getting really frustrated, because i am trying to HELP her, but instead of listening to what i have to say she decides to interrupt me and ramble on about how i DONT help her. So yea, at this point im getting very very annoyed and angry, but i try to stay calm because we've had some prior issues about me "yelling at her" and she says that i have anger issues, even though i have never called her any bad names other than maybe "hypocrite", i've never threatened her etc, but yea she stills believes i have anger issues because i tend to raise my voice in arguments when i get frustrated.
So yea, back to the story. Gf and I are still on the phone, and i keep telling her: can i talk now? Are you done? Can i please talk without you interrupting me? So then i tell her that I am getting very frustrated that she doesn't let me finish my story, and that she really has to stop interrupting me. While i tell her this, she decides AGAIN to answer mid-sentence and i just get very angry and yell at her: Can you just SHUT UP AND STOP INTERRUPTING ME PLEASE! I admit I did yell this quite aggresively, but I was just so exasperated. After i yelled at her she tells me i broke the rule (of not yelling) and that she is done, that she cant be with someone that treats her so poorly, that i do not respect her, that no matter how many times she interrupts me i should NEVER disrespect her like that etc. I then tell her I did not treat her badly, and that she doesn't see her own flaws, and that I try everything to help her but that she just doesn't appreciate my help. I then hang up. She now demands that i apolize for my behavior, and that I promise her that I will get therapy to help me with my anger issues ( which i dont believe i have). So i refuse to apologize, and she wants to break up if i do not say sorry. So yea, thats where we are now. AITA for not apologizing?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
bynRMtxWGEGaEMzGXlUMrMUWMm4dg3xy
|
a9kvp7
|
{
"description": "trying to improve a friendship",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for trying to improve a friendship?
|
So, my best friend of 2 1/2 years and I have recently ended our friendship after I texted her telling her my feelings about how I was feeling left out. I will refer to her as “S” occasionally.
Before I get into what i said, let me give some background. Before the summer ended, she was very adamant that we hang out. We did a couple times, and then I had to go be a counselor at camp. After two weeks at camp, she went way north to stay with her dad (her parents are divorced) so we couldn’t hang out until like, august.
The week she got back, I had to go back to camp for another week. After that, she didn’t text me or anything until the week before school was supposed to start again in August.
I asked her if we could hang out before school starts, and she said she couldn’t because she had to work, and had other “stuff”. Which was fine. I asked her what other “stuff” and she pushed it off. I moved on because it wasn’t that big of a deal.
So i went to make plans with another friend. Who said she was going to the beach with S. I immediately asked S why i wasn’t invited, to no response. Eventually we get on a phone call, we cry, we’re fine.
Everything was fine until I was falsely accused of sending unsolicited nudes (which, is a whole different post for a whole different day) by this crazy Norweigen foreign exchange student around september. My life kind of fell apart at this point, and i was generally a mess. After things settled down a bit, S and I went shopping for a present for her mom’s birthday. We had a lot of fun.
We were supposed to hang out the next night, but she canceled out of nowhere. Eventually, I look on snapchat to see she posted a pic of her hanging out with all of our friends (she never posts on her story).
I got very annoyed and texted her “I love it when you cancel plans on me and go bowling with our friends and ignore me 😊😊😊😊😊😊 #BFFs” at 8:17 pm.
No response. Left on read. So, at 11:37 PM, i say this:
“You know, you wonder why i act like i don’t like anyone? It’s because I’m never invited to anything. I spend every waking moment of my life, helping my friends cope with their shitty lives, and do my best to make it better- sometimes that means being an asshole and telling them the truth. So if you want to ignore me deliberately- fine. But if you’re going to act like IM the one who caused this, I want you to remember every group chat I’m not in. Every party I don’t go to. Every time you didn’t invite me to Fugiyama. Every time I walked home, alone. Every time i ate, alone. It’s not because I choose it- it’s because people let me choose it. It’s because you let me choose it. So ignore me all night. Ignore me for the rest of your life. I’m over this “are we friends, are we not friends” thing. I’m over this being your best friend one day and not existing for 3 whole months.”
Two days later, she replies:
“I’m really sad that you feel this way. However, the way you are treating me is unkind, and I don’t deserve to be treated in that way by any one.”
I reply:
“I agree, wholeheartedly. What i said was rude, i should have said it differently (and parts not at all). But the point is i feel left out of everything, and it’s not always my own fault... Literally everything is crumbling around me, and everyone has decided that instead of being there for me, to abandon me completely and leave me hanging”.
No response. Read receipts turned off.
I text her 2 days later:
“Let’s talk”.
No response.
34 days later, i text her:
“i am sorry.
Idk if your mom told you, but she came to me after the concert and talked to me about what i am presuming was the (accusation) issue. She scolded me in front of everyone (not loud, but enough for me to lose all trace of my usual cockiness) about consent and yadayada, and i stood there speechless. Not because i cared that she knew, but because i worried that you believed in what terrible things were being spread about me.
My biggest problem since i came to (my performing arts school) has been my over-caring of the thoughts of my peers. I grew up being shat on by all people, for being gay, for having such an odd personality; yet, when I came to (my school) that changed. People saw me as a human, and I guess i got too far into believing that i was this godlike overlord.
In these past 34 days, i have been alone. Well, quasi alone. and it leveled me. It made me realize that without me, the world still spins (NOT SUICIDAL PLEASE JESUS CHRIST DONT THINK THAT).
In these past 34 days i’ve thought about how i would do this. I know I can’t do it in person because I would get over emotional. I know i cannot do it via handwritten note because i have the worst handwriting on this planet. Mr. Z (teacher who knows her and her family well) suggested writing you a note about my “feelings”, but i feel like notes are more of a non-platonic love thing, and despite popular belief- I am a fervent homosexual.
I guess all this is just me trying to tell you that I understand i hurt you. I know that I hurt a lot of people. I hope we can mend these wounds, but if not i understand- and will accept that too. But never forget that above all people, you were the one person i could trust with anything. You were the only person who i truly cared about. And I ruined it.
So i am sorry. I am, so unbelievably sorry.”
No response.
We see each other every single day, and every day it pains me to look at her because i feel like an ass. I want to be friends with her again, but she wants nothing to do with me. Although i doubt i’ll ever get to be friends with her again, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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yr0uahVhQfRgWN2eNtSLiPqhDvOKI8BB
|
af5p9b
|
{
"description": "being upset with my boyfriend regarding his lack of Christmas gift",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being upset with my boyfriend regarding his lack of Christmas gift?
|
Background: white European female, boyfriend male Indian, both in early 30s. Both atheists.
So although I’m an atheist, I enjoy celebrating Christmas with a tree, lights and spending time with family and friends, oh and the gifts are really a nice part as well (giving and receiving).
As my boyfriend is Indian, before he meet me he never celebrated Xmas. First Xmas was fine but this year he made such a big deal of him not needing/wanting anything for Xmas. His birthday is in early Jan, so I had a great idea of organising a trip to another European city so he could visit some family there just after his birthday. I paid for flights and accommodation for both of us as his Xmas/birthday gift.
Went down well, however a few days before Xmas, he rang me while I was out to dinner with friends, saying we had to go to a different European city over xmas go visit his brother. (Brother was moving back to India).
I really love celebrating Xmas with my family, but said if he really wanted me to come with him, he would have to pay as I didn’t have any more spare cash. I was happy for him to go solo and visit, and he wouldn’t have to drop any extra cash for me. He was like ‘no, I really want you to come and meet my brother’, so I told him I’m not 100% ok with this as it means I’ll miss time with my family, but if it means so much to you, I’ll go.
So a day before we go, I asked if he had managed to get the two games that I had wanted for Xmas. Well apparently paying for me to go to this European city was his present to me.
Now this is where I ask, am I the asshole for being upset with this?
I didn’t want to go, I was doing it for him and my gift to him was totally unselfish, we’d be with his family most of the time and it’s a city I’ve been to many a time, so didn’t need to site see etc. His ‘gift’ was because he wanted to see his brother and didn’t want to go alone.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
Etj7H3HlOk4Jd4qbgpjGYK45StvVPr46
|
b28rdw
|
{
"description": "ignoring this guy who really wanted to be my friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for ignoring this guy who really wanted to be my friend.
|
So to preface this, I always make friends with the “awkward” kids, because I understand it and I can be on the weird side to people myself because of my mental illnesses. So I make friends with a lot of people who don’t have many other friends but me.
In high school, this kid used to come up to me and always spout random stuff at my locker trying to catch my attention. I always joked back with him and tried my best to make him feel good because it was obvious that he just wanted a friend to chat with. Eventually he’d come up to my locker daily which I never minded.
Flash forward two years. I was hospitalized and taken out of my high school and choose to do full time duel enrollment to get away from the bullying I was facing at my school so I hadn’t seen this kid in years. I never learned his name and he didn’t know mind that’s how not close we were. So I’m working at petstoreland and he showed up one day and recognized me. We talked for a minute, and decided to hang out sometime. I gave him my number and that was that. I ended up having to cancel our plans because of a work incident that came up. That was until he began showing up to every single one of my shifts. He must have came to the pet store every single day just to see if I was working. After a couple times I grew very uncomfortable and he just began blowing up my phone. I told my boss about it, but because of this I ended up having a panic attack before work because I was scared he would come in again. Work is very hard for me mentally so it’s important I feel safe where I’m working and I just no longer felt safe. That’s where a quit my job no notice, which I already know is an asshole move, but Iv since apologized to my manager and he understands my uncomfort.
But I feel so bad about the situation still this much later. I feel like maybe I should have tried to be his friend more, but I’m still trying to manage being diagnosed with ptsd, severe depression, and severe anxiety. At the time this happened I was only leaving my house for work and was housebound beyond that. I don’t think I could have made a great friend anyway but I just can’t get passed how uncomfortable I was with someone showing up to my shifts to force me into talking and interacting with them.
So am I the asshole..? Should I have done more?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
F0CyN0kIan2f7NdmAcOIyBq0kNuvBZ5D
|
abpk3w
|
{
"description": "consuming edibles I got for my friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for consuming edibles I got for my friend
|
I work at a dispensary, spoke with a female friend of mine that I'd get her some goodies as a Christmas gift. Shes a mom with like a 6 year old daughter. I talked with her that we'd have a visit for the holidays. I didn't want to come off as desperate for her company , so I didn't want to bother her. I ended up eating her stuff during my new years party. Gave her a text letting her know ate her stuff, however I could just mail more to her. She hasn't replied really. Or like let me know she was gonna leave me hanging. Should I just also just move on give her the silent treatment aswell? I feel like in bird culture, that'd be a dick move. Btw where I work is like 9 hours away from where I actually live. More context she used to be my ex but we've remained friends. Then again I don't think friendships should be 1 sided. AITA? Like I'm not bothered personally, just discovered this sub and was curious into others opinions and responses.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
yPByjLq6aILHSLqW9SIlyE97g2mwgCOQ
|
b9y8hs
|
{
"description": "team killing in a very close game",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for team killing in a very close game?
|
This is CSGO(Counter Strike Global Offensive), so there’s that info for you guys.
Info: I’m GN2, so toxicity is common, whatever. Every fucking game I get throwers, assholes, or people that are mad at my .9 KDR. I got battered by my team for being 11/13 20 rounds in. I get domed by a deagle off spawn every round, so already below half health. Then when I go ahead and die you already can guess. Anyways, it’s 14-12 and I’m losing, I get dropped to 3 hp right off spawn by my team, so I said fuck it and team killed 3/4 of my teammates and get auto kicked for too many team kills. I feel bad about it, but I kind of feel in the right.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
fRJhYKrVZcxTVx3ncXOaF9sZ6sQUic8T
|
aqo71d
|
{
"description": "saying what I said",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for saying what I said?
|
I student teach- read observe someone else teach- two times a week. Lately the discussion has been antibiotic adherence, antibiotic stewardship, prevention of antibiotic resistant micro-organisms, and barriers to treatment. The instructor asked for my input as I am still practicing. I stated “often times, poor or impoverished patients and their families will not take their antibiotics, will take them improperly, or will not complete them due to lack of resources including financial and transportation, lack of access to a pharmacy, incomplete patient education, or poor health literacy or understanding of their diagnosis. We often see this population with increased numbers of multi drug resistant bacterial infections”. The instructor was immediate after my comment to discuss how poverty affects all races and even rural communities as if my comment required further padding for the students.
Today, I was spoke to by my professor about the comment and importance of speaking with a diverse culture in mind and avoiding microaggressions in my comments and when addressing the class. I had never heard of microaggressions before and so I came home and googled them. I do not feel this is what I was doing nor was this racially led/ socially derogatory/ or a pointed comment in anyway. I was simply stating a common theme among populations that present within my practice as the faculty member asked my advice.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
zPTXgJ5gauBkEqnKHzBkqHHfTEMtq5B5
|
ao5uvz
|
{
"description": "getting mad that my friends cancel on my bday because its the saturday after valentines day",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if i get mad that my friends cancel on my bday because its the saturday after valentines day?
|
**so some context;** so my birthday is February 16th. My usual group of friends almost always goes out on saturday nights. the group consists of me, my friend (we'll call him M), his GF (B) and her friend (J). So recently M and B have been having some fights and i guess theyre trying to make a better effort in the relationship by doing more couple stuff (they had a couples night last saturday and we went out on friday which i had to shuffle plans to try and accomodate). Me and M have been friends for well over a decade and have known each other for the better part of our lives. Hes been living with B for a little over a year and has since been really busy with the relationship to hangout most days with the exception of saturday nights when his gf wants to go out too so i started going out more too, so i could spend some time with my friend.
**so today** he texted me saying he wasnt sure he was gonna come out this saturday cause B had a bad hangover last week and she may wanna take a night off. I said; no prob, i figured you may wanna take the night off cause next weeks my bday and i wanted everyone to come out. he says "ok maybe well just celebrate valentines day this weekend". i know him, i know her; i already feel him cancelling plans on me. this is after last weekend they decided to have a couples night after i told him i had plans with my fam friday night and id be good saturday.
now i realize im paying for stress in advance here but am i the asshole if i get upset if he says he cant make it out on saturday? im gonna sit at home and do nothing if this happens.
i know this seems kinda childish, theyre in a relationship and i dont expect them to drop everything because of me, but im really offended at how little someone who is my friend cares about how their actions effect me.
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
k0cwB2QyHZ2nAzKFVVQebxWNlrMhvUpA
|
abaod9
|
{
"description": "getting upset that my boyfriend wants to spend NYE with his friend instead of me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for getting upset that my boyfriend wants to spend NYE with his friend instead of me?
|
So me (27F) and my (37M) boyfriend talking on the phone about what we want to do for New Year's Eve, I was saying that I miss having house parties and asked why no one ever seems to have parties anymore and he said it was because I'm getting old.
So that made fell shit as I'm quiet self conscious about hitting my late 20s and he knows it. Also he's 10 years older than me so who's the old here really!?
Anyway I list off some NYE events that I was interesting in going to (we live in a big city, so there's a lot of stuff going on) to each one I suggest he says no to. So I ask what he would like to do (bear in mind that we both like going out and dancing) and he suggests this club/bar with a live funk/soul band playing.
Sounds ok huh, but thing is this band play every week at the same bar club and he goes and sees them every other week with his friend (I'll call) Jim. An I go along maybe every couple of months and have a nice time. Buttttt I don't want to go there for New Year's Eve! I can go to that exact night every Thursday if I wanted! I want to do something different for NYE!
So I kind of ummm and errrr about that suggestion, and he says his friend Jim is going there. Now I get on fine with Jim but he's not my friend and also he doesn't dance! It's really difficult to dance when a member of your party wants to stay sat down the whole evening. It just makes you feel awkward, so I would have to sit at the table bobbing my head watching everyone else dance and have a good time.
My BF doesn't get the lack of enthusiasm in my voice but goes on to suggest this disco event at a pub, which sounds fun! I say I think that sounds like a good idea. So he suggests we go to the first place with Jim until he goes home then we go to this other event afterwards.
I kind of a agree because I don't like bring disagreeable.
After the conversation ends though I get kinda annoyed at his reaction. He goes to this exact same night with his friend Jim every other week, and I want to do something different because it's New Year's Eve! It happens once a year c'mon. I'm his girl friend, do I not mean anything? We didn't have Xmas together or anything..
I would understand if he didn't see this friend often or he hadn't been to this bar much. Or if it was a large group of people, but I find I feel like a third wheel when I go out with just him and Jim!
So i told him today that I'm going to do my own thing tonight until he's finished with Jim, and he was just like 'that's ok, go ahead'. I was hoping he might acknowledge that I was little upset with the arrangements but he doesn't care because he got what he wanted.
So am I the asshole??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
rUPzIOOMg5a1ijrCpjIEPr6NGgRxrJMY
|
afwqma
|
{
"description": "telling a couple crying in a car on the sidewalk to move",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for telling a couple crying in a car on the sidewalk to move?
|
okay, so first parking on the sidewalk is for some reason an extremely common thing in my country, so every time I see someone doing this I get pretty angry and act the same way.
so today I got of the bus as usual and started to walk to my house, after maybe 100 meters the sidewalk gets narrower and there is a fence (so road to my left and fence to my right). I then saw a car parked right on the sidewalk about 10 meters ahead of me completely blocking the way, I get angry and already decided that I'm gonna go up to the window.
so I walk to the driver window which means I'm on the road so I don't want to spend a long time there, while I knock on the window I see its a mother giving tissues to her daughter which appeared to be crying. she rolled her window down and I just said: "please don't park on the sidewalk." and walked away.
after that I just started to think about what happened and now I feel bad, AITA?
also I just want to add, there was a small parking lot about 5 meters away.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
pcEJCfxeZbaE5llvG8bYdSYP7GmHbm8M
|
b9z0af
|
{
"description": "being weird",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being weird?
|
Short version: I'm very socially awkward, a girl (now gf) has started dating me despite knowing and now she's trying to change me and I got annoyed and told her off.
​
long version:
I had very little contact with other people as a child (and teen), basically only went to school for tests and required attendance. I didn't interact much with others, I hated those idiots. I also avoided family meetings because I always got a headache from all the simultaneous talking. As a result I'm rather weird. Sometimes I say inappropriate things, sometimes I'm honest when I should lie, sometimes I just don't know how to react to something.
It's gotten better since I entered college, somehow I was able to make friends that pull me along (which I'm happy about because I probably still wouldn't leave my room if they hadn't asked me to come to the lectures as well). A girl from that friend group even asked me out last summer, so she knew how I am. I do try my best to act normal and not embarras her, because she does mean a lot to me.
Lately she has started dragging me along to all kind of gatherings (parties, clubs, festivals). Those are very mentally taxing for me (basically instant headache for the rest of the day and I get tired very quickly), so I told her I didn't like it, and about the headache obviously. She told me I needed more practice (so to speak). I doubt that would help, I've had this for too many times and it doesn't get better unless I take painkillers every time, but that's not a very good solution. After a short discussion where she insisted on dragging me along, I got mad and told her to leave me alone and that she could just go with her friends, she knew the risks when she started dating me. My friend thinks I've been an asshole to her. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
CkYHygUuO9EmDJYHKmcxyJ6kqXXOU0kx
|
a3nl0q
|
{
"description": "getting angry at one of my best friends for nearly making out with a girl I recently dated",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I get angry at one of my best friends for nearly making out with a girl I recently dated?
|
Strongly suggest you [read this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/a2oa0u/aita_for_ignoring_a_girl_that_im_trying_to_move/), since it´s about the same girl.
I´ll try to make it short.
Yesterday there was a party were all of my friends and college classmates were going. It started off early and I got hammered so I went home earlier.
Thing is, after I left the party, my ex SO (we dated briefly, she wasn't into me, but I was super into her and since things didn't work I´ve been ignoring her to create distance and try and move one) arrived at the party. She was drunk and danced and "nearly" made out with one of my closest friends who was also at the party. I know this because first thing in the morning my friend chatted me up and confessed to doing these things. He says he was blacked out drunk so he doesn't remember if he did it or not. But he wanted to say he was sorry about it anyways.
​
WIBTA if I get angry with both my friend and her? He knew I had dated her not that long ago. He also knew that I fell for her and was actively trying to move on.
She should have known that doing this with one of my closest friends might have hurt my feelings (with actually did, because im feeling right now a mixture of angriness, sadness and disappointment).
I don't want to know what to do next, I only want to know If I have the right to be angry at them, and if it´s the respectable thing to do if I want to respect myself first. Or if it would be a dick move and I would be an aasshole.
TL;DR: A close friend of mine "nearly" made out with a girl im still moving on from. They both should've known not to do that in my opinion. Should I be angry, would I be the asshole if I tell them both to go fuck themselves?
Thank you and much help appreciated.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
RIGHT
|
1Qr5j9LY2YmH73IOwrlYTIx37xJ5yt3A
|
b0br1y
|
{
"description": "calling a really conceited girl \"ugly\"",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA For calling a really conceited girl “ugly”?
|
A little back story: Theres this girl in my class who constantly interrupts the class and always does her makeup in class in front of everybody. Everybody just lets her talk down on them because shes pretty, shes never asked me because i sit in the back of the class and mind my own business. I rlly doubt anyone likes her not even the teacher, So today the teacher got on her for not doing a hw assignment while she was taking selfies in the back, and she comes over and whispers to me “give me the homework answers quickly before the teacher sees it” and i told her “no, go ask someone else” and she proceeds to call me a bitch because i didn’t want to help a “young beautiful girl” and after she starts speaking louder and louder i just break and speak loud enough for everyone to hear me “whys ur ugly ass even bothering me?” She just had an expression of shock on her face and yells to the teacher “Mr! Ur just gunna let him talk to me like that!!” But the teacher doesnt hear her over everyone laughing. And all of a sudden she just starts balling her eyes out and she walked out of class. idk if it was about the embarrassment or not, but i felt good for a minute or two but then i took it into consideration “what if she bullies other people, because shes insecure? What if she thinks if she gets to other people before they get to her that she’ll be safe?” I didn’t realize whether or not i made her even more insecure or not? AITA?
TL:DR I called a conceited class bully “ugly” in front of everybody because she does the same to everyone else and she started balling her eyes out.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
fq2ztDfNQz7Q4NQ7SZSq8RZNgYyXgQ3r
|
9y32bg
|
{
"description": "ignoring a happy birthday message and continuing to ignore an old friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for ignoring a happy birthday message and continuing to ignore an old friend?
|
I’ve had this friend for almost a decade. Very good friend, we always have fun when we’re together. We live in Cali.
She went to a tour of Europe in January and had plans to return in November. She invited me and said I would go but I only wanted to go to Paris and she said she’d be down to meet me there.
She’s persistent, keeps telling me to go, eventually I cave. August, I book tickets to Paris, give her the dates, tell her to call me so we can figure out hotels and stuff.
She doesn’t call for a while. Plane tickets are 99.99% of the time, non-refundable. I go ahead and book the cheapest hotel I can find (in bumfuck outskirts of Paris).
Eventually she calls and tells me someone scammed her out of 6k on Craigslist as she was trying to make side money for the trip. Starts asking me “what am I going to do? How am I going to pay for gas?” I felt like she wanted me to say “I’ll give you money” but I gave her advice and kept it short.
I start asking again for details on the trip and if she’ll meet me and all she replies is “did you help me when I was having my crisis?” and I say “is that a yes or no?” And she leaves it at that. I end up going to Paris, another girl luckily is able to come too.
Said friend texts me, while I’m in Paris, on my birthday, saying happy birthday and she wishes I could be there. (And I’m pretty sure she was in Ireland at the time of the text).
I didn’t reply. Didn’t say anything. I like to think I’m not the asshole for anything here but I’m more wondering if I should text her back or just let the friendship die?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
KC4xXWu9WzISYKCjtiodr7H0dQyc9IiA
|
aymycb
| null |
AITA? I spoke with a friend about sextoys, my girlfriend is upset.
|
me and my girlfriend are both pretty active in the kink scene, but have always been and always will be in a monogamous relationship.
The other day, I mentioned that a friend of mine (a woman) had purchased a similar sex toy to what we have. I was just trying to make conversation with my gf. I honestly don't know why I brought it up.
My gf told me that it is inappropriate that my friend told me this, and that I should have said something to my friend, and that she doesnt talk to her friends about that kind of stuff and I shouldnt either.
I told her that I dont talk about our sex life, and that I didnt think much of her mentioning it as I honestly have never thought about this person in a sexual way. It was just a casual thing like oh my day at work was boring and oh btw I dropped ×××$ on a new toy. this person is a friend of mine through the BDSM community so it's not that weird she would bring something like this up.
I'm upset becuase although I understand why it might make her feel uncomfortable, I dont like being told how to communicate with my friends. I know how to manage boundaries and would never consider doing something inappropriate with this person.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
1QS4W3FJmp5MkNnuEChYGqS7Urbk9jiL
|
akwxzb
|
{
"description": "driving away my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for driving away my best friend?
|
I had this one friend, and we did almost everything together. Our friendship had always been really special to me, because he had always been there for me. He supported me through all of my downs, and I tried my best to do the same for him. He was even my wingman when I had a huge crush on one girl in our friend group. (No, that didn't work out but the fact he tried to help still means everything to me) He had always been there for me whenever I was feeling under-confident, upset, or whenever I just felt like I had no one to talk to. I always kind of looked up to him as a better version of myself because I felt like he was better at not letting his emotions control him. Meanwhile, I've always been the sensitive one who tends to get upset over the little things. Hell, I cried once because I saw a dead bird on my way to school. And that was in 9th grade by the way.
I was there for him too because he had problems and struggles of his own. And I feel like us constantly working to help each other, added to the quality of our friendship because we understood each other's issues. We cared about each other more than we cared about ourselves. I felt us growing really close, and I enjoyed every second of it. He yelled at any of our mutual friends whenever they were giving me a hard time.He reminded all of my friends that it was my birthday when all of them had forgotten. And I would do the same for him, but there was one problem. I'm incredibly insecure, my biggest fear is that one day all of my friends might just see me as boring, or annoying, or that they secretly hate me, and that they'll just walk out of my life. I've told him this before too, that I was afraid of being seen as annoying, and that I had abandonment issues. That I sometimes felt jealous or left out, but I also hated myself for feeling that way because I felt like I was ruining everything for everyone by being an attention whore. He said that is was fine, that he didn’t mind it and that he'd always be there.
But, he had a tendency of giving the green stop sign. I'd ask him if he wanted to hang out, play video games, or do whatever and he'd say “yes.” Only to not do whatever we made plans to do. I always dismissed it thinking that sometimes stuff comes up, and that he does have more important things to do. But this kept happening, over and over again. Even on my birthday when we made plans to play video games and he just didn’t go through with it. He said he felt bad and I believed him but, I was just kind of annoyed. We actually hung out more, and then out of the fucking blue he raged at me to leave him alone. After we mutually made plans to hang out??? I ended up leaving and then the longest 2 hours of my life passed before I did the stupidest thing I've ever done. I questioned if he cared about me, and if I was just a burden to him. He immediately apologized and I believe his apology to be genuine but, it just kind of went over my head. I dismissed his apology because at the time, I was just tired of being lied to, having promises broken, and being sent mixed signals. And me being quick to not accept his apology made him angry and then we had a very mundane argument that lasted for a few seconds before he just ended it with “We'll talk later”. I later came forward and apologized for everything because even now, I blame myself for this whole mess.
I thought we made up for it and I thought that we could just put this behind us. The next day I asked him if we were still cool and he said “yes”. This was 3 days after my birthday and we didn’t really talk much that day, or the next day, or the next day, or the next week, and before I know it. He ghosted me for 3 weeks. And during those 3 weeks some of our mutual friends kind of got us to hang out. But it didn't really work. While I was in my self-loathing state, he was shit talking me to all of our friends. Including once to another one of my friends, right in front of me. Saying things that confirmed all of my deepest insecurities. And I had no one to blame for this but myself. I think it's safe to say he over reacted a bit, but so did I and I still feel like I could have prevented all of this. A lot of our mutual friends stayed passive but some of our friends, after hearing both sides of the story, immediately took my side. And at first it felt nice, but even some of his friends his friends that didn’t know me took my side and that made me feel bad because, literally no one took his side. And I didn’t want him to lose friends over this. We had one mutual friend who took my side and even said he wanted to ghost my friend, but I was the one to talk him out of it. The thing is, now my friend that ghosted me has basically replaced me with my friend who was going to ghost him, as his new best friend.
I'm posting this here because I don't know what to believe. Everyone's been telling me that I'm not at fault, but I still blame myself for it. And lately I guess I've kind of begun to blame my friend more. I often swing back and forth between feeling like it's all my fault, and feeling like my friend was a liar. I still get mixed messages from him like: He said he didn’t say “no” to me because he'd have felt bad about it. But why would he feel bad saying “no” and not feel bad ghosting me. That's why I want to know from you guys because I feel like I'm too emotionally unstable to decide myself.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
KXOqBOwWpQJ9dgD1uaE9dAhG1rZgrRqK
|
b7denn
|
{
"description": "saying I dont care about my biological grandparents",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for saying i dont care about my biological grandparents
|
A little bit of backstory. My dad was given up for adoption when he was 3 weeks old. He was quickly taken into a big loving family that raised him his whole life and gave him a normal life. I never got to meet my grandpa who raised him and his mother died when I was 5. My dad and mom have been happily married for 25 years now and at some point 35 or so years ago his biological parents made contact with him. Fast forward to today i'm extremely happy in college and my parents have a company. As far as my relationship with my biological grandparents i kinda just consider as strangers who sends me 20$ on my birthday and I have met I think 3 times.
​
Anyways I was talking to some friends and my friend asked if they would be coming to my grad. I told him of course not they haven't seen my graduate high school came to my sporting events or met any of my girlfriends and as far as i'm concerned I wouldn't care if i don't hear from them again till one of them dies. They said it was a bit harsh since I wouldn't be alive if it wasn't for them
​
AITA?
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
pPNoURLkYS2wfhdEhsu9PtHFe7U686aE
|
b754lu
|
{
"description": "not wanting my sister-in-law and her newly injured child to travel and stay with my family",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting my sister-in-law and her newly injured child to travel and stay with my family?
|
I love my sister-in-law and her children. Their family lives 18 hours away so we see them 2 or 3 times a year (if we are luck). Recently my sister-in-law has been struggling with stress and anxiety. She has good reason for it and she is trying to get help. My in-laws thought it would be a nice treat for her to get away and come stay with us (my in-laws live in the same neighborhood as us). I had already taken off two days of work to do some spring cleaning and it just happened that my sister-in-law would come during that time. She is aware of my plans to be productive during this time and wanted to help. We also have a 20 month old that she would like to spend time with so I thought we could not send her to daycare for one day. Flight Tickets were purchased for a Friday to Wednesday stay.
Flash forward to yesterday - her youngest (3 yo) breaks her leg on a trampoline. I for sure thought the trip would be cancelled and I was somewhat was relieved as I was wondering if my two days off would really be as productive as I had hoped with her coming.WRONG- instead she now wants to bring her daughter (who has to wear a leg cast for 6 weeks) down too. The mom in me understands that she wants to be with her child but I just don’t know why you would put your kid through all that travel. 1)This is not a required trip (reschedule please!). 2) the point of this trip was rest and relaxation - not going to get that now. 3) all of our bedrooms are on the second floor - not convenient 4) i am definitely not going to be productive with an immobilized 3 yo needing entertainment. Sure my sister-in-law will be around. However her parents use their children (my husband included) as pawns in their marriage. And they are all talk and little action. I have been reassured that the 3 yo will be passed off to this person and this person and how she really won’t be staying with us. It will be a miserable trip for all parties.
My husband thinks I am being an asshole - I can’t tell. Help!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
5Zn7fzD8eSWaLZzWWuEThjPuTPUn4LTN
|
aiw0aq
| null |
AITA Is it considered offensive to give your negative opinions on someone?
|
Basically a social-based question.
Is it considered offensive to give your negative opinions on someone? For example I've given negative but constructive opinions to others but they took this offensively. Yet when I took offensively another person giving me a negative opinion without reasoning, they said "oh it's an opinion blah blah". What is the verdict?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
OB9BRBqwsFmMNW57BLJg9QAn9KhbbVXM
|
aqpzx1
|
{
"description": "getting mad over gf and friend putting sticky notes all over my car in the middle of our college parking lot",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting mad over gf and friend putting sticky notes all over my car in the middle of our college parking lot?
|
This is really petty and light but I can’t help feeling mad. Basically my friend who will call M is going on a date with a girl named G. When they’re on the date, my gf and friend told me they were gonna follow them to their date and sticky note their entire car.
I never really gave my reaction, I never told them “haha that’s a good idea” but I didn’t say “don’t do that”. I for one think it’s scummy especially since their on a date. I have a late night class at my community college and my gf sent me a Snapchat of her and my friend putting sticky notes all over my car in 30 degree weather. My car is now in the middle of the lot with sticky notes everywhere, I feel so embarrassed cause I struggle with a lot of public attention, so just walking to my car and pulling them off is gonna be rough for me while everyone walks out.
Am I the asshole for being upset at this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
lagXIKbyDsYHFpg2ZZl3gsBV6SSJXNin
|
ar1rm2
|
{
"description": "taking my little brothers switch controllers",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for taking my little brothers switch controllers?
|
So I have 2 little brothers, one is 13 and the other is 11. 2 summers ago I was lucky enough to win a Nintendo Switch in a crane game at an amusement park, so I took it home and set it up in my room (I’m 17 at this point). However, we only had 2 games for the system: Mario Odyssey and BoTW, I finished Odyssey fairly quickly and didn’t play much of BoTW, so I didn’t use it that often. My little brothers often wanted to use the system, so I’d let them use it whenever I wasn’t (which was most of the time). Fortnite was ported to the switch early the next year, and my youngest brother began to play it almost everyday with his friends. Anyway; that next summer I head off to college, but decide to leave my switch at hike because I sill didn’t have many games for it and my brothers loved playing it so much I didn’t want to take that away from them if I wasn’t going to use it. They continued to use it throughout my first semester of college but by the end of it I had bought Mario Kart 8 and Super Smash bros for the system, and decided to take it back with me to college at the end of the holiday break. When I came home at the beginning of that break, I had found out that my brothers had messed up the joysticks on both joycons, so it no longer worked as well as it used to (and pressing them it down didn’t do anything at all). I was annoyed but I was still able to play, it was just more difficult to do certain things, so I brushed it off. However my brothers got a new switch for Christmas from my parents, and that switch included joycons without broken joysticks. So the day I went back to college I switched those joycons with the ones on my switch and left. My brothers soon found out and were not happy, and are demanding I give them back. However, since they were the ones to break the controllers, I think they should have to experience be consequences (as this wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t let them use my switch for a whole semester). As stated above, the joycons are still usable, they just take longer or require a certain amount of pressure to respond. Thoughts?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
zAF9IBVDYMyTJpdP4L3nEOlv0q6Wr81D
|
b75kb1
|
{
"description": "being amused at pissing off the religious guy",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being amused at pissing off the religious guy?
|
Just as a quick context. I work in the fast food industry and normally close to closing time the kitchen staff like to play music while they clean. This is usually on phones in a plastic cup close by them so the rest of us don't have to hear it and they can make the cleaning less tedious for themselves. Well, (for sake of reference he will be called "Country") unlike the rest of us, Country uses a Bluetooth speaker and has religious country music playing at almost full blast.
After being the one who ends up gathering at least 6 complaints from customers in the lobby I decide to wait until he wanders off and re-sync his speaker to my phone and have "mudvayne ~ Dig" (really loud aggressive death metal i know of from a buddy) paused and waiting.
The moment of the play button being pressed by him was likely the most beautiful sound ive heard in awhile. The customer i was speaking to about the issue had already known about what I had done and thanked me afterwards before leaving. Country then turned the speaker off completely after the surprise and was in the break room for the rest of the night on his phone but the rest of us had gotten blissful silence.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
OtKkjGz3wxJliTFquPba6kC5zjdWt0t8
|
b22273
|
{
"description": "banning someone for making my friend cry and definitely not doxing them",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for banning someone for making my friend cry and definitely not DOXing them.
|
This happened about 2 weeks ago, and my Discord is pretty split on the matter. There was this guy (M) who was pretty annoying, but he was secretly cyber-bullying my friend (B). No one would listen to her, even though she told us about it. We thought it was just M being M. We were talking one day and B joins the Discord sniffling, and saying she is probably going to go offline for a bit. When I asked why, she said it was to get away from M. I asked her why she would go completely offline because of M, she just started bawling. She told me about the insults he sent her daily, how he would join her games just to troll her, stuff like that. It was pretty mild on a bullying front, but I got into a fit of rage, both at M for doing it and myself for not listening to her. I then didn't get his info and didn't release it on a DOXing site. I heard from another person he has been getting spam emails, junk mail, and phone calls for a completely unrelated reason.
I feel like I over-reacted a little bit. Even B said she is over it and I didn't have to react that harshly. Some people say I didn't have to ban him, but only B and 2 other people know that I definitely didn't DOX him. Like I said, my Discord is pretty split on it and I just want to see what everyone else thinks.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
7pANUam6TfAaGssmB95zVKrukzzRCGut
|
az4dh6
|
{
"description": "switching groups for our class' group assignment",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I switched groups for our class' group assignment?
|
In one of my small classes of 11 people, we were instructed to work in groups of 3 to complete a short assignment. We're all pretty friendly with each other. This 1 girl that was sitting right by me in class looked to her right, where I was sitting, and asked "Who wants to be in my group?" and the girl in front of me was like "sure!" and then the original girl looked at me and asked if i wanted to join her group, so I was like "sure!" Because I like her and didn't want to be rude.
However, I was thinking of asking another girl in class that I've been getting close to. Yesterday this girl asked if I wanted to work with her on the project, and I told her that I already had a group. I felt bad because I wanted to work with her more than the girls I'm currently with. And I really want to work with her on group projects in the future. But, I feel like I'd look like an asshole if I told my current group members that I'm switching groups. Disclaimer: We haven't started working on the project yet and probably won't for another week.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Y1AZUkw5kUOXCDIeQFKZ0MiGgJQX4qm7
|
b33fol
|
{
"description": "saying Jesus or Jesus Christ, taking the name in vain, even though I'm not a Christian",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA because I say Jesus or Jesus Christ, taking the name in vain, even though I'm not a Christian?
|
I started saying it along with "Oh God" or "God Damn it" or "What the Hell", etc. Then I realized that by saying that instead of "God", I avoid taking that name in vain, which I guess is better for me since Jesus has no religious significance to me. But I guess that some Christians might get offended,
Also, WIBTA if I purposefully used "Jesus" in this way exclusively to avoid saying "God" in vain. I don't care enough to do it but I'm curious if that would chance any minds.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
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