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Embracing Composed Submissiveness
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Up until now this book has denigrated submissiveness We have discussed various ways that it
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damages both composure and health But it is entirely possible to be composed and
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submissive There are times when composed submissiveness is not just appropriate but also
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beneficial These are the times when we let or encourage others to lead
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Chapter Finding Happiness Through Playfulness Composed Kindness
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It can be freeing to be mellow and passive and to support the leadership of others
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Allow other people to take over and yourself to relax when they do Relish the relief from being
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in charge Do so while exuding balanced nonconfrontational energy Perpetual assertion takes
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its toll It involves intense face time eye contact talking decision making and an overtaxing of
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existing bracing patterns It leads to social fatigue and is why highpressure executives and CEOs
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can age so rapidly We should be handing over the pack leader role constantly passing it
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around from person to person sharing the stage the crown and the accompanying burdens
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Often in real life we are forced to play an inferior role At our workplace we must submit
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to higherups to keep our jobs and advance our careers There are many reasons you should
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treat your boss as the dominant individual Whats more it may be best for you your boss and
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the business to allow them to act superior in some ways That said dont hurt yourself just to
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let the boss be the boss Acquiesce appropriately to your employer law enforcement judges
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and other authority figures without diminishing your posture shortening your breath or
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surrendering your pride This will allow you to maintain a healthy serotonin level regardless of
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your place on the corporate ladder
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Just because you dont try to stop someone from acting dominant doesnt mean they are
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dominating you They are only dominating you if you are inhibiting yourself or avoiding
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confrontation with them out of fear They can never dominate you as long as you stay
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composed Take sovereignty from needless oneupmanship
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Keep in mind that everyone has essential observations and keen insights to impart
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All humans are our fellows and our equals As Ralph Waldo Emerson said Every man meet is
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in some way my superior So let every man and woman be your superior at times especially
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when they have something to teach you When you see someone do better than you at
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something you value dont feel envious or threatened Instead feel eager to learn This is ego
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stability and emotional strength
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When threatened by an intruder a dominant gorilla will let out a tremendous roar charge
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and knock down the newcomer with an immense hand swipe However outside of defending
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themselves and their group members dominant gorillas do not generally overtly assert their
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rank Even though gorillas are immense powerhouses animal behaviorists often describe them
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as shy because most of the time they dont feel like they have anything to prove It is not that
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they are shy it is that we are arrogant pompous and flagrantly adversarial
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The only way to transcend the dominance hierarchy is to be content when you temporarily
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find yourself in a subordinate position to be comfortable when others perceive you as
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subordinate without trying to change their mind You dont want to be a doormat but neither
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do you want to be consumed by resisting looking like a doormat Only doormats worry about
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being doormats
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Our unconscious mind values prestige over happiness The two are often at odds You can
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change this by intentionally pursuing happiness over prestige
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Optimism Excitement and Feeling Good
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It pays to be happy Optimists live longer have stronger immune systems recover from injury
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more quickly and have increased mental and physical health Happiness and positive emotions
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are linked to higher earnings better appraisal at work relationships of higher quality and
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increased likability Happy people are perceived as more intelligent competent and physically
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PROGRAM PEACE Self Care Exercises to Reprogram Your Mind and Body
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attractive Optimists cope more effectively with stress are generally healthier and are less
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likely to become depressed When optimists have coronary bypass surgery they heal more
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quickly than pessimists Positive thinking results in a cardiovascular system that is less reactive
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to stress But how do we become happy in the first place
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Optimists attribute the cause of adverse events to external specific and transient factors
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In other words they see a tragedy as a oneoff fluke Pessimists on the other hand attribute
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failures to their own internal global and permanent shortcomings They see themselves as
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useless and assume the world is out to get them If this is you stop it Regain your optimism by
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recognizing that you have the potential to fix anything and everything that has ever been wrong
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with your life Recognize that the future you will be skilled and competent enough to solve
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any problems that arise
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We are constantly making expressions to ourselves as we go about our days alone
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Whatever these expressions are they constitute our true selves For most people its wincing
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If thats you make the gestures and facial expressions of happiness when you are by yourself
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The smiling and the postural alterations from previous chapters will help with this If solitary
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happiness is not practiced regularly attempts at appearing happy among others will be fake
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Remember how excited you could become as a child You had no reservations about expressing
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exuberance and enthusiasm Nothing is stopping you from feeling zestfully happy right now
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aside from the force of habit
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have spent much of this book describing how we use our bodily energy to traumatize our
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tissues This might make you assume that our life force is destructive It is not You must
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redirect that same life force away from anxiety and tension toward happiness and joy The
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more you do this the less energy there is to sustain stress Doing so actively reprograms how
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your body routes energy setting you up for hardwired happiness Accordingly all the exercises
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in this book should be done with joy and optimistic expectations This will make them much
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more powerful
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Be a lifeless corpse when it comes to tension ego and pessimism When it comes to
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playfulness however thats when you want to be alive and spend your chilike energy on
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positive social displays Lets start with laughter
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Laughter in Other Animals
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Many mammals laugh For example most rodents emit long ultrasonic vocalizations during
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rough and tumble play The sounds rats and mice make have been described as chirping and
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occur in the kHz range inaudible to humans When chirping they actively seek being
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tickled and played with They chirp when wrestling chasing or searching for one another
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They chirp during courting and before copulation Researchers have interpreted rat chirping as
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an expectation of something rewarding and it appears to elicit friendly social approach in other
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members of their species It also nullifies anxiety If you tickle a rat after a fearful situation
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it will neutralize the negative emotions and vastly decrease any fearrelated learning going on
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in its brain
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Dogs can pant using heavy forced exhalations in a way that suggests a form of modified
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laughter They use it during play Dogs exposed to a recorded doglaugh exhibit significantly
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reduced stress behaviors increased tail wagging the display of the canine playface as well
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as prosocial behavior such as approaching and licking another dogs lips
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Chapter Finding Happiness Through Playfulness Composed Kindness
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Chimps gorillas and orangutans all exhibit laughterlike vocalizations in response to
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physical play including friendly contact like chasing wrestling and tickling It is a shallow pant
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conveying nonaggression that is highly reminiscent of suppressed laughter in humans Their
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laughter shows the same sonographic pattern as that of human babies They also use similar
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facial expressions while laughing and are ticklish in the same areas that humans are Ape
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laughter consists of a series of exhalations and inhalations like panting On the other hand
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