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I don't know how to tell someone how I feel about them. How can I get better at expressing how I feel?
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"Practice makes perfect"!Simply by expressing yourself and listening to if others listen and understand you, then modifying your next try with whatever improvements you think of based on the impressions you feel others have of you, will progress your self-expression.Also, one way to lessen the tension before speaking to someone is to tell them you feel unsure on how best to express yourself. This way you've prepared them to be patient with whatever words you do state.
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My mother is combative with me when I say I don't want to talk with her about my depression.
She hasn't been supportive of me in the past and she isn't someone that I feel comfortable opening up to. She constantly tries to instigate conversations where she asks me questions that I don't want to or can't answer. I tell her I don't want to talk and she starts arguments with me.
How can I get her to understand?
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Your situation sounds extremely frustrating.You're doing the right move to state you don't want to discuss your depression with her.I guess you could ask if she would like to know your reason to not speak w her about your depression. If you feel she can handle a reasonable conversation, and you would like to tell her your true reason, then schedule this or bring up the topic at a neutral time, not in the middle of an argument.Having an unsupportive mom is difficult enough to accept. You may feel greater success and peach of mind to meditate on accepting her lack of understanding than to engage in arguing when she starts this.
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I am in my early 20s and I still live with my parents because I can't afford to live alone.
My mother says that if I live under her roof I have to follow her rules. She is trying to control my life. What should I do?
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Hi! I'm sorry you are having such a tough time with this situation. I have worked with a number of young adults in their 20's who have had to move back home after college , or even stay at home through the college years. Bottom line is that either way , it is so difficult when you are trying to discover who you are and what you want your life to be , to have to live at home. I have even heard much older adults clients say that when they visit their childhood home , they suddenly feel like a "kid" again . The old dynamics between adults and their parents and siblings can pop right up as if they have gone back in time and are no longer adults !I would suggest that you approach your mom and say something like "I am hoping we can talk about the best way for us to manage me living here. I really appreciate that you are giving me a place to live until I get on my feet , and I want to be respectful of you and our home ; at the same time , though, I feel like it's important for me to have more independence than when I was younger because I am growing up and trying to learn more about myself and become more autonomous. Can we talk about what might be fair rules that we can both live with ?" If she is receptive , maybe you can each write a separate list of what you think would be fair and reasonable and then compare lists and try to make compromises and come up with a list of "guidleines" that feel fair to you both . If this is too hard to do alone , perhaps you and your mom can meet with a therapist a few times who can help you to come up with some kind of "compromise contract." This is not an easy situation , but if you can approach your mom in a calm and "mature" way and suggest a planned, structured discussion that doesn't take place in the heat of the moment , your mom may be impressed by your maturity and even more receptive to working out some rules that you can both live with.Good luck !!Elissa Gross
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My daughter seemed to be developing at a normal rate until about the age of 10. She then started to act younger than she is.
Now she only wants to play with younger kids and she doesn't act her age. I don't know why this is happening. Is this normal?
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Hello.It sounds like you are really concerned about your daughter because you have noticed a significant change in her behavior . It's really a great first step that you are reaching out to get some ideas about what might be going on . You are clearly an observant and hands on mom who wants to be sure that her daughter is ok.This is a tough question to answer without more information . With that said , I have found that "under stress people regress." In other words , many people , children and adults alike , often regress and behave differently - as if they were younger than their actual age - when under stress . Therefore , my first question would be : has anything been happening recently that is causing your daughter stress ? This could be anything from conflict at home , recent changes such as moving , divorce , a loss of some kind , switching schools , or losing a friend or friends . Additionally , sometimes if children are feeling bullied or left out by same age peers , they may gravitate toward younger playmates as a way to boost their social confidence . I would suggest that you think about what stressors / changes may have occurred recently. You may also want to check in with her teacher (s) to see if they have noticed any changes in your daughter's behavior at school .I also think that you can have a conversation with your daughter in order to see if you can get a sense about whether or not something has been bothering her. Something as simple as " I have noticed that you aren't spending time with the friends you used to hang out with ; it seems like you have been playing with a lot of younger kids lately . Am I right about that ? " and then if she says yes you might ask a few questions such as : "did something happen with your friends that is making you not want to be with them?" "Has something been bothering you lately ? Are you feeling upset or worried ? " If she denies that there is anything wrong you might even say " I know that sometimes when I feel stressed or worried , I tend to act a little differently - sometimes I withdraw from my regular group of friends , or I get cranky and feel less like myself . I wonder if something like that is happening with you ?" If you are really concerned and not getting any answers from her and / or her teachers , perhaps you can consult with a therapist to discuss your concerns further and decide if it might help for your daughter to talk to a therapist a few times , or at the very least you can get more specific tips from a therapist about how to approach this issue with your daughter more effectively . The more detail you can provide about what you have noticed with your daughter , including any changes or new stressors , any possible patterns to this behavior , if school has become more difficult socially and or academically , the more a therapist can guide you about how best to handle your concerns and talk with your daughter in a way that is helpful to her. Good luck! I believe that this may just be a phase and it seems to me to be well within the normal range of children's behavior. I do, though, think that you will feel more assured about this if you can get to the bottom of what's going on .
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After first meeting the client, what is the process that a counselor facilitates?
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Hi. This is an excellent question ! I think that the answer probably varies depending upon the particular therapist . In my work with people , once we have met and I have gotten an idea of the person'a concerns and the issues they want help with , I spend the next few sessions gathering as much history and as much information about the client's current concerns in order to formulate some ideas about what may be causing distress . I would then share my thoughts with the client to see if they feel I am understanding them and on the right track. We would then discuss the best plan to address the client's concerns . Usually I will suggest strategies that I think may be helpful and ask the client for feedback about whether or not they think my suggestions feel helpful . I always encourage clients to be really honest with me about this. I tell them that I would hate for them to agree to try things that they know they won't try just to avoid "hurting my feelings" or "offending me." I want to be helpful and while I have the expertise as far as typically helpful strategies, I really like to work collaboratively and have clients tell me what they do and don't like / agree with or not agree with when I share my thoughts about a treatment plan . We the work together to come up with a plan that will be helpful , but also realistic and then revise it and try new things if necessary as we go along. If things aren't improving , I am very happy and willing to try something new ! I hope this is helpful for you !
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I start counseling/therapy in a few days (I'm freaking out) but my main fear is that I'll cry and embarrass myself, is it something to worry about?
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Hi there ! As someone who has practiced as a clinical psychologist for 25 years , I would say that crying is NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT AT ALL ! Almost every single person I have worked with has cried at one point or another. Starting therapy takes a lot of courage; when you work with a therapist ,once you feel safe , you talk about a lot of very private and potentially emotional things that you may have never discussed with anyone before. I have seen people cry with sadness , cry with relief at releasing painful things they have held onto for a long time, cry because they feel so relieved that they finally feel heard. I myself have sometimes cried with clients because some things they talk about are so profoundly moving. I can assure you that most , if not all , therapists expect clients to cry and there is nothing to be embarrassed about. Crying can be very cathartic and can allow us to release a lot of painful feelings we have been stuffing down. Crying is often a sign that you are really working things through and getting in touch with feelings that you need to get in touch with in order to heal .So , to summarize , don't worry at all about crying! It will probably feel uncomfortable at first , but I promise you , you will not be judged for crying in therapy. And it will be less embarrassing once it happens a time or two and you are assured that your therapist will be there for you and won't judge you !Good luck !!
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My ex-wife married and used me to have a child. She now uses that child as a pawn. I know my child misses me, but I need to move on and not live in the past. How do I do this? Do I see my child as much as possible or very little? Is it more confusing for the child?
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The thing that confuses a child the most is for a parent to come and go from their life. Children have a way of making things their fault, even when they have done nothing wrong. Because of this, when parents cut off contact, the child thinks it's their fault. As hard as that already is for a child, it is even worse when a parent pops in and out of their life. This makes the belief even more strong for them. They start to think, "why does dad keep leaving? What am I doing to keep making him go away?"I believe a child needs both parents in their life. Whether she used you for a child or not, that child still exists and never asked for this. They didn't ask to be born into drama and two parents that can't make things work. You can move on and start over while still maintaining a relationship with your child. If you start over far away, this may mean less visits but you'll still be a part of their life. Just make sure when you make a commitment to this child to stick to it. Every child deserves that much. Good luck to you! :-)
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My grandson's step-mother sends him to school with a pink Barbie backpack as a form of punishment.
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Absolutely not! It is never in a child's best interest to use humiliation as punishment. This can lead to issues in the relationship between parent and child as well as the child's social relationships. Kids have a hard enough time. To then go and cause them embarrassment is unconscionable. The entire job of a parent is to prepare their child to become a successful, healthy adult. You do this by using healthy ways to teach a child when they make a mistake. Discipline shouldn't be seen as punishment. It should be seen as a way to teach a lesson. What lesson could this possibility be teaching him? Absolutely nothing. Meanwhile, she is most likely damaging her relationship with him and causing great distress in his school day and peer interactions. She should be one of the people he can come to when he's hurting; not someone who causes him pain.
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My boyfriend is in recovery from drug addiction. We recently got into a fight and he has become very distant. I don't know what to do to fix the relationship.
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I'm sorry you have tension between you and your bf.A relationship means two people who relate, right?! If only one person does all the work to change their approach, what they expect, what they offer the other, then this becomes the new problem to solve.If you've already done a significant amount of reflection and change in the way you relate to him, then the next step may be to be patient as long as possible while he decides what to change about his part in the relationship toward you.Substance abuse recovery requires profound effort and reflection. If it is successful then the result will show very different qualities in your bf than the ones you know currently.He may be so absorbed in the recovery that he can only concentrate on this. Of course if the fights persist and you have been patient for what feels too long, then there are different questions to address.
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The birth mother attempted suicide several times while pregnant. The adopted mother was terminally ill upon adopting the baby and died when the child was just over one year old. The adopted father then remarried to a physically, psychologically, and emotionally abusive woman. The child was placed in foster care at 11 years old.
What might be the long term effects on an adult with this childhood history?
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The true answer is, "no one can really say with certainty".The variables are the way this child absorbs and adjusts to these significant changes in their life. All anyone can do is guess at this point and there's no good reason to guess.The only general certainty is that the adult whom this child becomes will have had a profound encounter with the biggest types of human losses a child can go through.Some people become great teachers, therapists and philosophers who have this background. Some give up on life and hide away from others.The best anyone could do who knows this child is to offer love bc this is the greatest guarantee to show there are good people on this earth.
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I think adult life is making him depressed and we often sleep in on weekends untill 1 or 2 pm. We just eat, smoke weed, watch movies, and he'll go on his phone all day. He doesn't seem motivated to do much and he's often angry.
I have no clue how to help him take his mind off the negative, or to distract him into a different light. How do I help him?
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How do you help yourself to believe you require more than what he offers to you?What do you get from this relationship which feels satisfying?To answer this question may in the longterm be the best way to help your bf.
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I just took a job that requires me to travel far away from home. My family and I really need this job.
People keep telling me I have "anxiety" and I'm terrified of having an anxiety attack on the road. This is all new to me. What can I do?
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hmm this is a tough one!
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Okay so I keep dragging the damage me through the dirt and I'm like sorry we can't stop like we gotta keep going. Cause duh I gotta, and I swear my mental health is getting a billion times worst cause I need to get diagnosed again for other shit to make sure. nnBut yeah anxiety and depression is great and at this point I don't even think I have anxiety like my anxiety turned into paranoia deadass. Because I don't feel the same type of anxiety I use to . I get more scared and paranoia asf. Like I get scared ppl gonna hurt me and shit. And paranoia of people looking at me and the shit around me. Well Actually I can't say that, I think I still do have a bit anxiety left in me. nI'm so fucking lazy bc of depression like I can't feel myself at all, I mean I was never able to but this time I'm so fucking lowwwwwwww as hell like to the point idgaf if I get hit by a car when crossing a street. nI feel so angry and sad and just wanna scream on the top of my lungs. And also I've been having this thing where I get a lot of energy, I don't know how or why. But I go into like manic mode like have a shit ton of energy and I can't stop or slow down I'm going full speed and I get bored so easily and I can't sit still. And I forget shit all the time like seconds after I do something. And I don't even take care of myself really anymore, I mean I try to but I keep forgetting and just get distracted or I say ima do it then I end up doing something else and I tell myself ima get back to it but I never do. And eating for me has become a less priority like, I don't know why but not just recently like for a while now I just don't care to eat because tbh everything taste like the fucking same. There is never a good cheeseburger or whatever that I like, it's all the fucking same and taste the same like everything I eat. nAnd it's all so boring and I just haven't been hungry at all cause my mental health is ass but I force myself to eat anyways even tho I don't enjoy or like pretty much everything I eat, it's just about surviving. And I dropped down to 98 pounds.
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Are you taking any meds/supplements? If I take Prozac without any food, I will get nauseous and throw it up. And if I take iron without food, I also feel sick.nnBack of your throat sounds like anxiety to me but I'm notba doctor. There's all kinds of weird physical symptoms including trouble swallowing.
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I hate this.. It's cos I'm not comfortable. I get so nervous on how to act etc. You get like this surge of energy, to just act fast, or idk when people gaze at me idk.. idk what vibe I give off but its like hyper masculine lmao.. I give off this angry boss kind of persona. I hate it, and I hate being perceived that way but it naturally happens with s.a... flight or fight response kicking in I guess idk .
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Yes, you might relate to this.n30 minutes innhttps://youtu.be/XEsK2sTiBuE
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I don't know, people instantly hate me without even looking at how I work. Fuck this shit. Like literally.
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Actually, in my country you can sue company for that and win more than you could earn in a year.
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I was wondering what people thought was the worst particular bullying incident they experienced, a certain image, sequence of words or moment which sticks in your mind and played over and over again. Mine was when I was in an elite high school that my parents sent me to because almost everyone there got into an Ivy League university. Some of the 'cool' older girls basically decided to play Cruel Intentions/Dangerous Liaisons with me and pretended that one of the popular guys was interested in me, they got him to talk to me online, where he seemed really friendly and talked about a lot of personal stuff, then met up with me and strung me along, when really they were all laughing at me and he was having sex with one of the popular girls. I don't know who I hated more, the guy, who I felt was doing it for a bit of a laugh but wasn't the one who initiated it, or the girls who then admitted to engineering the whole game. He's a super-rich CEO investment banker now, which makes my blood boil.nnEdit: I think the runner-up is when some mean girls put used tampons in my locker and vomited over my geography textbook, which I then got into trouble for...
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When I was in high school, they was a group of popular girls. (The girls who probably lost their virginity at 14)nnI was a size 10 year 9 and they used to call me fat and disgusting. All day every day. They used to throw stuff at me walking down the corridors and trip me and spit at me. (I still to this day have no idea why) they once smashed my face into a wall just because I
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I hate eating in a restaurant where I'm sitting at a table where others can see me eat. I also hate eating in front of others like when you eat together with family and relatives. Also hate eating out in public places like a town square where anybody can see me eat.nnI worry that I will look weird when I eat. Thoughts like
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Feels good to not be alone in this tbh. .
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I just moved to another state and switched my license… surprisingly not a busy day at all at the dmv. Great! The DMV always gets me nervous. But today I felt confident. They call my number and of course I get the rudest lady. I approached with a cheerful “good morning” Thank you's and all the politeness I could and tried to keep a pleasant demeanor but by the middle of our interaction I felt defeated and very sad, kinda angry with her. She was so awfully rude. I was reprimanded at least 3 times for not going quick enough, not hearing her, not knowing where to sign… the writing on the form was so tiny and they called me so quick I wasn't able to fill it out before my number was called. Literally my number was called after a minute of sitting down to fill it out. When I asked pardon on things I couldn't hear her say she just straight up ignored me. And I know she her me because I repeated myself louder (I am soft spoken) nThen I'm pretty sure she gave me one instruction at the end just so she could get mean at me because by this time she was just straight up treating me like I was below her. She held up a piece of paperwork and said “This paper. Sign. Take this piece” and pointed at the section at the bottom with a serrated line.nOk I signed and folded the paper where it was supposed to be separated… started to tear….she interrupts mid year and got so angry, takes the paper back from means points at it “No no no all I said was sign” And she's making all these annoyed sounds during this interaction and nodding her head no like I'm an idiot. nI put my credit card in the machine and I'm waiting for it to process. My mind is already reeling because I'm upset. She tilted her glasses down and glared and asks me What does it say? Referring the machine. Remove card. Oh. More “ugh”s and annoyed noises from her. nI always have a feeling I'm a burden and not wanted in public places, like I'm in the way. This type of stuff solidifies it for me. nn The next lady I was assigned to get my picture taken for the license was far friendlier and super sweet. I probably seemed like I was scared and walking on eggshell's when I got to her… because I was. The entire serrated paper the first lady had a conniption over ended up being given to me to take home anyways, wth.
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I went home and took a shower to get the ick energy off me anyone else feel like they need anxiety naps? That was so draining!
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I'm suffering from depression and work related imposter syndrome that leads to severe anxiety. I listened to my employer and talked to a psychiatrist today but I hated it. I quit my job 2 days ago and am now lost in my career. I am thinking about giving up my field, as I could not seem to handle the slightest pressure anymore. nnWe spoke online, but I could tell he is there just as a job and it always ends in do you want to try medication. nnTold me he had to end early due to we started late. The 2nd time he told me this I just thanked him for his time and said good bye. nnIt made me feel even worse and lonely after speaking to him. That cost me $95 by the way. nnJust want to share this and talk it out. Thank you.
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Speaking as someone who is about to talk to their psychiatrist, they're there mostly for diagnosis and medication management more than anything else. Your issues, a lot like mine, are better worked through with a proper therapist or psychologist and potentially supplemented with a psychiatrist who can communicate with your therapist and who can prescribe medication if they deem it necessary. Of course, this can get very expensive, especially if you don't have a job and/or medical coverage.
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Hi everyone :)nnIt's gonna be my life story so if u want short version there's tl;dr in the bottom :) nnI just really need to get it off my chest.nnSo I was always kind of shy guy and had difficulties making new colleagues. Basically everyone I was ever friends with I met in school/college, because I need really long time to get comfortable with someone. I never in my life got to know someone I met at a party or some event etc. But I always had at least 1/2 people that I could call friends and also was a part of some small social group which I hung out with.nnHalfway through college I met this wonderful woman and we ended up in a relationship. She was really caring and sensitive and I loved her so much for this. But she also had severe depression. Some time later we were living together in a single room in the dormitory and she had a depression spike at that time. As I'm emphatetic person and tried to be supportive partner I was trying to comfort her. Of course I also tried to get her some psychiatric help (at that time she has never gone to the psychiatrist). I was trying to convince her to get help but she was so miserable then that she just couldn't do anything. And i just didn't have the balls to just drag her over there. She was just lying all afternoons numb staring at the ceiling, crying from time to time. Numerous times she told me with blank face that she wish she never woke up again. And I just couldn't (or even didnt want to?) distance myself from that because I wanted to help her get through (now I know this was the worst thing I could do for the sake of both of us). And something like this went for a couple of months. As you might suspect this just devastated my self-worth and my overall mental wellbeing.nnAs I was getting older my SA was kicking in more and more and my friendships started to fade away as I was mildly stressed out everytime I met with anyone (especially in a group). I didn't have contact with any of my friends for like 2 years now. The only close person to me was my girlfriend until not that long ago when we started to drift apart and eventually broke up.nnAnd now I can move to the thing mentioned in title.nnLast week I was at a bachelor party of my old friend who I know from middle school. Somehow he still cares about me after years of no contact, which Im so grateful for and don't understand it. This was first party I attended to in a really long time. Also I didn't want to go because I knew it will be 3-days party with like 20+ guys. But I forced myself because I knew I would disappoint him again. Some of them were my old colleagues also from middle school. And I just wasn't able to rebound with them. I know I can't expect to get along with them like nothing happened. But they didn't really changed that much, they have the same sense of humour etc. In past I used to be quiet most of the time, but also from time to time I was funny, could fool around with other people, I had something interesting to say occasionally. Now I have this feeling like I'm noone on the outside. I'm not able to have any positive interaction with anyone. I was just standing around ignoring everyone (most of the time) and I'm sure now they think I'm a plain jerk. I also tried to make some convos 1v1, which always has been much easier for me, but it was awkward as hell (it went well only when I was wasted). The only person there that I confessed about my struggle with SA is the friend who is getting married.nnThere's this saying that you are the average of 5 people you spend most time with. So I wonder if it is also true that if you don't spend your time with anyone, you become noone.nn​nntl;drnnAs my SA got stronger I have withdrawn myself from social life. After not having any friends or even colleagues for years I feel like I can't be funny, enjoyable to be around or simply interesting in any way. I feel like I'm totally dull on the outside and it will keep me from connecting with people even if I try. fml
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Isn't being asshole a choice? I don't know what specifically you mean by unpleasant, but I bet it can change if you want it to
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The title, i git kind of a weird story/situation going on and i just want an outside perspective but im not sure i want to post it.nnnThanks in advance for contacting me and sorry for the dumb atory you are about to read
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I'm here to listen if you like! Though please note my reply can be a bit late, cause I'm at work and probably not in the same time zone.
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curious. I feel like I'm the only teen here
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Moi aussi
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As someone with SA do you have a job? What kind of jobs do you guys have? Do you enjoy working?
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warehouse work, working with people who are generally from overseas so very limited SA around them.
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I'm 33F and tried everything in the world. Only thing that worked for me was alcohol and that was a disaster in itself. Now I'm sober and taking vyvanse, adderall and Paxil. The stimulants don't make me talkative, they actually call my brain down and give me motivation but, it's not the answer. I've been on Paxil 5 weeks and nothing. I need friends, I need people in my life! During a social phase I gained over 130k followers on social media and now I can't even post or answer people. Help! Any suggestions? I've literally tried acupuncture at this point for my anxiety.
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It actually did, I went to a place called modern acupuncture and it was amazing but it can get expensive and it's temporary relief unless you keep going :/
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Will it turn me into the chill confident person I usually am with the people I'm comfortable around?
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What are the side effects?
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I don't really drink, but recently I've went out a few times with this guy I like and drank beforehand. I didn't tell him anything about me drinking. I've dated him for a bit and known him for a good 6+ months, but when we would hang out, I'm super awkward, boring, terse, socially inept. today I drank before I met him, and I felt a lot more comfortable with myself and felt like I had a good time with him. I'm curious if I can use alcohol to give me that social experience, and then learn from that experience and cut back on the alcohol. my social (in)abilities are, i hate to say it but quite literally, going to be the death of me. is this a bad idea? ik it is but does anyone have an experience going down this route and wanna give their word on it? I'm gonna see a counselor tomorrow btw, so I'll maybe bring this up with her.
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Is there actually a chance for them not noticing the smell? :O
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I know there are alot of posts and discussions about this. Most I've come across talk about a wandering mind that focuses on negative thoughts of the past or future.nFor me although this happens, most of the time my mind wanders to any kind of thought and brings me out of the present moment. It is like it constantly wants a distraction so it jumps from one random thought to another. Most of the time when I catch myself doing it and bring myself back to present awareness, I can't even remember what I was just thinking about.nnI'm hoping to try and understand what could be going on here. It probably has something to do with anxiety as I do struggle with it but the thoughts for the most part aren't about negative past or future ideas.nnAlso there are some days when my mind is super clear and it stops looking for distracting thoughts and I'm able to stay in present awareness longer and more often. So I also wondering if I'm doing something which triggers this state of wandering mind.nnAnyways would love to hear from others to try and find some insight.
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Thanks for the reply. So many insights here I've never known before. I like how you explained that when you're not moving the mind can wander and that the body has memory and the negative ones can surface into the wandering mind. I can relate to all of this. That's exactly what happens. It's easy enough to focus on my breath and bring myself to present awareness and to stop my wandering mind but before I know it, I'm in my head again and out of being present. I have actually been meditating for 10 years and can get into very deep and calming states of meditation and it has given me numerous and significant benefits but unfortunately the wandering mind still prevails. As I mentioned though it's not always like this. There are days where I feel in absolute control and totally focused. It's the reason I'm trying to understand and find effective ways to have more control because when I'm focused I feel confident and optimistic, when I'm in a wandering state I feel anxious and pessimistic about life.nnI've also been thinking perhaps there is no controlling it and this is just my natural rhythm which I need to accept. That perhaps I should try and identify these patterns and instead of fighting it I should work with it.nnHowever before I do accept it, I still want to understand if it can be helped. Thanks again for your suggestions and insight.
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.nn(https://www.reddit.com/poll/ulrqo5)
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i don't usually apologize because i dont know how to say it, like what intonation and things like that. i usually fo it through messages
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The past week i've moved to Thailand alone for 3 months and i am living in a hotel so i've had to eat out quite regularly. I'm also training here so i am at a training camp nearly every day.nnFor this past week i've been really celebrating the little wins such as being able to walk into a restaurant and eat alone, saying hello and casually conversing with other people at camp and forcing myself out just that tiny bit more than i usually would. But should i be celebrating these as wins or am i still not trying hard enough??
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I think it's great to feel happy about the little things you are able to achieve. I saw this quote recently,
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For context my husband and I'd friends needed help moving furniture and we have to very young babies (2 years and 4 months). We couldn't get a sitter so we all decided it would be best if I stayed behind with the girls (myself included) while they moved furniture around.nnI've had social anxiety in their present in the past but I'm on meds now and I actually really want to be social. They all came by to drop some stuff off (giving us some of their old stuff we liked) and now I'm just. Drowning.nnI feel like I'm being pulled under by the old feelings of, ‘they hate me and love my husband' and ‘I'm so jealous I want to be around people, I'm so lonely and sad'. nnI know these are lies, I'm even supposed to go over later with the girls when they are done. But I just feel so shitty. I know these are lies I know that logically but I can't shake this shitty feeling.nnThe feeling of being isolated and alone and everyone hating me and excluding me. It's a lie and I can't believe it still effects me even though I know that now
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Good luck dealing with this, but remember those people don't hear the thoughts in your head. They like you and wouldn't come around if they didn't. Take care.
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I can't even enjoy music when I'm listening in public. I always think that others can hear it. I get a weird glance and I have to pause and check. It's so annoying!
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I usually turn my car's sound system volume down at stop lights.
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Help!
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Facts. I think with the past year, many are in this boat. And I'm currently low on
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I don't know what it is but it feels like there is a brick wall stopping me from getting anything done. I have a long list of things to do and even when I finally work up enough courage and energy to do one thing, once it's done it feels even harder to do the next thing. The list of things just keeps piling up and I'm not getting nearly enough done. nnI'm worried that someone at work will notice and think I'm being lazy. nnI have no idea what to do.
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Strip things to their bare minimum. nnDo your best at those things. nFocus a lot of effort into reminding yourself that your anxiety is telling you you're shit when you're most likely just fine. nnAnxiety tells you:nn
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This epiphany struck me pretty hard today. I've looked up so much self-help advice for my social anxiety, constantly looking for some solution. The general advice is basically exposure therapy: keep going out of your comfort zone and attending meetups until things become easier. That's all well and good if you can actually speak up at those things, but if anyone else is like me, it feels like your mouth is sewn shut. This is the part that's really kept me from growing as a person, and I've been frustrated that I can't find any way to work around it. nnBut there isn't any way. You just have to talk to someone, and if you can't, then you won't. There's no way to make it easier, no magic bullet to start the conversation. It's like a paraplegic looking for some miracle cure to be able to walk again. nnHas anyone else dealt with this? How do you cope with it? I feel broken and powerless knowing that I'll never be able to talk freely or have friends or just live my life to the fullest.
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Oh, I don't think I'm special, though it does seem that this problem is rare. I just think that the skill of being able to start a conversation with a coworker, an acquaintance, or a stranger is vital to being able to form bonds that lead to friendships. From my repeated failures, it seems that I'm incapable of performing this action of starting a conversation. Because there doesn't seem to be any way to get better at doing this either (or at least, I've never heard any advice on how), it seems I lack something necessary for making friends. nnIt's difficult to explain my predicament, so I apologize if I'm not making sense. While rare, I certainly don't think I'm the only one who experiences this problem, as there are other comments here that can relate. I understand that this belief isn't too helpful, but it is the reality. If there is some way to improve this skill or make friends without it, I would certainly love to find some new hope to cling to.
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Is it?
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I am too afraid of real life.
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I made this decision and was super excited about it but I regret it a lot. I can't get along with anyone here, each time I think I made a friend they start avoiding me the next day. I struggle to express myself in french and stumble on my words a lot, it seems painful for the students to listen to me talk, as if I'm torturing them, and they're not really patient, now they're all avoiding me and it seems like they can't stand me, literally glaring at me whenever I pass. I'm really miserable I have no friends here I thought it would be better for my social anxiety to come here because I'll start over but no, it is way worse, I want to go back home but I can't, I'm stuck here for three entire years
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That sounds bad, but I'm sure you'll find a friend, it only took me 7 years, keep your hopes up!
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during summer i started to grow a positive mindset and i was doing so good. the fights with depression and anxiety were a lot of easier. i was so happy, i just got into a good relationship, he is good to me and everything. and now all of a sudden it just went downhill hill really fast. i didn't even notice at first. now i feel so lonely everyday and exhausted. i don't want to do anything, just don't see the point of going on my phone or doing anything else. pluss i don't have the energy. i feel so sad and anxiety pluss the panic attack are back. i was so happy that it was finally gonna get better after all of this time but no. i am so mad. i don't want to do this again, i cannot, AGAIN. i'm also rethinking the relationship because i feel so tired and i feel like i am just a burden to him. he is also very busy with school and i see him once a week, sometime once after two weeks. i have bad separation anxiety and i want to be with someone so bad. just the thought of my parents being home w me is so comforting. but i feel more and more alone but at the same time i don't have the energy to be with friends. i have this bad habit of never really being sad infront of other people. even my own family. i can throw on a quick smile and keep it. i just can't be vulnerable infront of people. hate it. im also going back to my psychologist. i just wanted to rant because i really though everything was getting better and i was making my way to happiness. guess not hahaha. well have a good night/day to whoever is reading this:) stay strong and love you<3
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thank you so much, i will try my best:) i'll ask my bf about being a burden and i don't take any meds yet. this helped, thanks you again
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Title says it all ... mine is moving. When I think of changing jobs cities or I hear people talk about moving all I think of is
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My fear is getting attention.nnThe problem is that I'm a giant. 1m84 (6
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My gf's mom died yesterday and I'm suicidal, we had a fight the same day, she didn't say she love me today, she is my only support and meaning to be alive, idk what to do because I can't keep living if she leaves me
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Thank you, brother. Remember, we get to choose what makes us happy. So you take care of what makes you happy. My condolences to her and her family. I wish you guys happiness as well, no matter what the bumps are in life.
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I feel sad and tired all the time.
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I can't I have sa
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Maybe I'm just stuck in a cycle of endless depression. I've been taking meds since I was 21. Tried multiple rounds of therapy. Even tried switching them. I have good days sometimes but the truth comes back before I know it. I just feel emotionless and dark inside. I do for other every second of my life and I still feel like I'm letting everyone down. Maybe it's the lack of friends? Lack of wanting to be near society ? Idk I just know I rather be alone 80% of the time and it's not even in a bad way. When I'm around other people I shit down and can't speak or make a simple thought and then they stare of r think I'm a dumbass because I can't speak in a Normal sentence. (If you have ever seen “Us” that's how I feel. Not being able to speak in regular ass sentences even though I know I can and have
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You got this. And you deserve to not be in this cycle. You deserve to be happy 90% of the time (can't always be happy haha). You got this.
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So I got my hands on some benzodiazepines. Took some at work today and I realized that this is how it feels to be normal. The idea of “normalness” seemed so vague and I couldn't truly comprehend it, but now I understand. nnOne of the best examples of how I felt today was when I went through a fast food drive through. While ordering, I just didn't think. I just ordered my food. No anxious feelings and thoughts in the background, just said what I wanted to get. nnWhen I got to the window, I just spaced out and thought about other shit. I didn't worry if the workers were looking at me, if I looked weird, etc. I just sat there and thought about normal stuff. It was such a surreal experience. nnI did still feel some anxiety, but it was for normal reasons. I was also able to accept the logic of the situation which my anxiety usually does not let me do. Fast food workers aren't gonna be staring at me at the window, they're making food. I totally understood this while high today but when I'm sober its like I just don't get it. nnSo anyways, this experience was definitely an interesting one. It feels kind of liberating to actually know normal feels like.
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The next step is to create this sense of being
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Is it better to just use l theanine without coffeine?nWhat other supplements u guys can recommend me?
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Absolutely yes, cuz l theanine contribute to get the positive effects of caffeine and far less of the negative, it is synergic with caffeine, and it's an mild anxiolytic.
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Before I say anything, let me apologise in case this sounds insensitive or ignorant. It is not. My intention, I just more insight into the situation because I'm kind of new to this.nnCan a person that has suffered from depression and anxiety just stop being depressed or feeling anxious from night to day without therapy or different meds?nI'm talking about a person who has not been able to work, go out, talk to people, study since she was 16 to now that she's 28.nnI ask this because I don't want to accuse but I don't want to feel used and want to know if this is possible. nMore details into the situation: I was basically ghosted by the person I was with for 9 years. We got together when she got kicked out of her dad's because she would not study or work due to depression and anxiety. So she came to live with me where she didn't need to do these things until she felt she could. One day she walked out of my life and I don't know what she does now (whether she works or has someone else)
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She'll probably tell you she was abused and that's why she ghosted. But in reality I wouldn't say either one of us was abused. I don't know. I just posted there asking for experiences with the subject. nnGood point. She was never too good at communicating until she'd explode with rage. You never knew what she'd be thinking. However moving out of the country and getting a job from one day to the next is highly suspicious to me.nTo give an example, she'd say her social anxiety was so bad she couldn't order stuff at restaurants, hand her passport at the airport. Things like that, I don't know how it can change overnight. But then again, maybe it can though, that's why I asked on here, to see other's experiences
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I used to be super excited when thinking about the future. I wanted to study abroad, meet people, help others, have a great and fulfilling life and have people look up to me. Of course, that was all until I actually TRIED to do any of that, when I realized it was impossible. Now I'm just a guy doing nothing, seeing younger teens that are objectively more mature and better at life stuff than I am. I'm filled with jealousy and there's no one to blame other than myseld. I don't even want to try to help myself. I just waste days by playing games and coping by telling myself that life was a mistake and everyone else that actually enjoys living is lying to themselves or affected by the stockholm syndrome. Sometimes I fantasize about a war starting and just being nuked and dying an instant peaceful death. Anyone can relate?
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Yes. I was offered a great job and I didn't take it because I thought I wouldn't be able to handle it. I stayed in a shit job because I felt it was not right to quit and leave my boss hanging. What a dumbass. I was fired later because of his wife.
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It's pretty much impossible for me to go to a place like Subway or Chipotle, any type of place where they have the food items laid out in front of you. I just get the worst anxiety in places like that. I'm able to go to a place like Moe's and order because I picked up on what friends would order and my order is the same every time I go there. Just seems incredibly overwhelming to have to order. Can anyone relate with this?
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Walmart
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My best friend (and only friend) was going to show me a funny video on his phone. For a split second, I saw his snapchat chats. There had to be about 10 people who had recently sent him messages or snaps. 10! I haven't recieved that many texts this year! I'm always the one who has to start the conversation, on the rare occasiins I have tge confidence to, and it feels like nobody wants to talk to me. One snap was from my crush, that really made me feel shitty. I thought I was doing okay with her, until I realised this. (For some context, I know that my crush and best friend are just friends, and not flirting, because my best friend has a girlfriend). I wanted to cry because no matter how hard I try to socialise, something always knocks me down. It's literally destroying my confidence. Is anyone else like this, because I feel like the loneliest person on earth right now.
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If you and someone else send a snap to eachother every day you get a little number beside their name that goes up. Streak check is like a snap you just send everyone you have a streak with.nnYou kinda just collect people to have a streak with, it's fun but it's dumb lmao
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First time I've ever admitted it to someone, other than Internet people. My first therapy session and I guess she figured this out right away. Overall I'm not sure because it didn't feel like we accomplished much in our first session but many of her questions were quite penetrating, insightful and uncomfortable.nnHow about this one... If everything were magically fixed tomorrow, what would that look like? I must have squirmed for 20 minutes trying to answer this. The truth is, I don't know and I couldn't answer the question. I don't even know what a normal person would do, at this point.nnOf course she also asked the standard question
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100 % the same feeling here. The worst for me was reviewing the session in my head afterwards and first then realize that I had lied on something important to my therapist. But every time it happened I got a chance to fixing the automatic lying by bringing it up the next session.
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How would I bring it up?
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Where do you get that from?
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I like games like apex but I'm kinda new to it. I just get so anxious when I join arena's and other people get super judgemental when I'm just trying to learn the ropes. It sounds stupid but I can't get past that feeling of being judged
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100% me too
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Hello, I'm new to this sub, but in 7 days I have to give a graduation speech. Whenever I'm in front of crowd or just a few people, I get really shaky and my voice also gets shaky and starts cracking at times. I can't even look at peoples eyes when talking to them. The pandemic made this worse, any tips I can take to At least hide this on stage? Urgently need it, thanks.
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If I was in that situation I would just cancel it because doing a speech would be way worse than a bit of embarrassed. When I was in 6th grade I was told to do a graduation speech because I was at the top of my class. I canceled at the last minute and they seemed to understand, granted I was a lot younger than you. I would say only do the speech if you feel confident enough, or have been successful with class presentations in the past.
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I can never sit in a room without a curtains. I'm always thinking like my neigbours are watching me all day long.nnAnyone has same fear like me or is it just for me?
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I just sweated while reading your comment.
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Hey guys, another poll from me. Looking to see what people with SA typically feel when fearing social interactions. Please choose which one best describes you. nnP.S. I've purposely left out some vague feelings such as “afraid of my opinions” since it doesn't specify the root of the fear itself.nnEdit: wow did not think this would blow up. I wish I could reply to everyone but this has given me a lot of material to study. Thank you all for sharing.nn(https://www.reddit.com/poll/wqutuz)
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I just don't have anything to talk about and I don't know what to say in response to what other people say. Also I'm very boring and I'm afraid people would be annoyed with me because I'm really not interesting.
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Curious what you all do to Treat your Anxiety? Myself I use benzodiazepines to treat it, it works better than anything else and I have been prescribed for 7 years.nnWhat I do to avoid dependance/addiction is only use twice a week. It sucks though, because I'm really only anxiety free the days I get to use it.nnSo this is why I'm asking, what do you all use to treat anxiety? Supplements, Prescriptions, natural remedies? I want to find something on the days I cannot use a benzodiazepine.nn Only having no anxiety for two days out of the week for 6-7 years is getting old. I want to be anxiety free the whole week without taking more of the benzodiazepine.
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Only thing that works. I'm sure all psychotropic medications
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I'm starting the training portion of my first part time job today and I'm hella nervous. I applied to be a host so I can get out of my shell and stuff and people keep telling me that I'll get used to talking to the customers and such but I lowkey wanna quit even before the training starts~ I'm not really a people's person but ig I'll really have to try today huh...nnI regret taking this job but at the same time I really want this to work. This is my first ever job (yeah ik it's pathetic) but I just...I feel like I won't be able to pick it up quickly with everything. I get anxious talking to strangers on the phone and I just feel like I'm gonna fail at everything nnI feel bad taking it out here too- I'm not diagnosed with social anxiety and please don't think I am diagnosing myself (I am not). I'm just rather a very shy person but I didn't know where else to take this to (I'm sorry I am not mixing up shyness for social anxiety so pls don't worry) I feel like I don't have the right to whine about this and stuff but I just would appreciate any advices- just anything I am grateful for
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Good luck! As a new employee, they will probably not have super high expectations, so just do your best and ask lots of questions whenever you're unsure about anything.nnThere's no need to regret getting the job. The worst case scenario is what - that you completely fail your position and you're fired within a week? Not that I think this is likely to happen, but even in this scenario, you're no worse off than you were before. If that happens, you can just pretend this job never existed, and apply for something else instead.nnSo take the pressure off of yourself. It will probably be fine, but you will survive either way, and there's no need to be hard on yourself or feel you're
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I'm almost 21 and I never had a gf, still a virgin. Online dating/tinder doesn't work because I barely get any matches. I even try to make myself look good and care for my appearance but still, girls don't seem interested. I also have a hobby that I'm pretty good at that has a decent number of women in it but none of them seem interested at all. I guess I should just accept being ugly. Even the other people in my SA group therapy session are all in a relationship because they were all randomly approached and flirted with by their SO, even the guys.
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1. Are you doing the approaching or are you waiting to be approached. Yes, some girls will approach guy but there are a lot who will never make the first move. Either they're old-fashioned or are also shy.nn2. Are you going for the same type of girl every time? Me and a lot of my friends are always the
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There was a new girl at my work, she seemed kind of shy and nervous to be there, on top of that she was wearing a shirt of a band I like. So I wanted to talk to her, maybe about how she is liking the work so far or something, so very basic conversation. But I can't fucking get myself to do that. Instead I avoid her like a fucking weirdo. If anything I make her feel worse because I have an anxious look on my face. It's really hard to not hate myself when I do this kind of shit, i can't relax at all when talking to literally anyone.
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:(
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I was just curious to see how many of you are.nn(https://www.reddit.com/poll/wkxeog)
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Medication for adhd. No medication for social anxiety - I feel my low dose adhd med helps for that
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Back ground: My husband works full time to support us, while I go to school full time. I take on most of the house work. Recently I've been having a very hard time and been very overwhelmed as is, but the approach of finals has not helped. nnToday, I mentioned wanting to do something to the house (some sort of fix-up but I don't remember what) and my husband said ‘yeah that'd be nice, but I'd like to handle our bedroom first'. Which isn't wrong, or mean of him at all. However I know he's talking about the massive pile of dirty laundry I haven't addressed. This really struck a nerve with me and sent me into a full episode. He keeps asking me what's wrong and if he did something wrong, and I don't know how to explain to him that it isn't him or what he said, but that I feel like a complete failure in every aspect of my life. But I feel guilty that he's worried about me and I can't communicate to him what's wrong. Please help.
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I want so badly to be able to communicate with him what I'm going through but I just don't have the words
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I'm pretty lonely and also alone. So i was thinking if I'm not going out of the house and I'm too scared to find my first job, and also taking a gap year i should start taking meds so they'll start working right around that time where i will be forced to do something with my life, either a job or college. The problem is that my mom found a hidden zoloft in my pocket (i never used it cause i think it's not safe) and she never asked me about it so I'm nervous to talk to her about this stuff. Both my parents know about my social anxiety but they think it passed and I'm good now. Or they know cause it's obvious but we don't really have that kind of open communication. Also I'm a bit scared because for meds i have to go to the same place where my old ghosted psychologist work. How long does it take for meds to start working and is it smart to just take them without having a chance to get out of my comfort zone?
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you don't have to meet the person, only do when you feel comfortable about it.
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All my life I have struggled with my mental health. As most of my family and close friends know I have always been very shy and socially awkward since I was little. That developed into social anxiety, anxiety in general, and depression. Always battling those inner negative thoughts telling you u201cThey don't like youu201d u201cYou are not good enoughu201d u201cJust give upu201d u201cEveryone is starting at youu201d u201cYou don't deserve anything goodu201d etc.. Always feeling the need to rehearse what I am going to say to others in my head before talking in a drive thru or others in general. Always trying my best to come off as u201cnormalu201d as possible. Trying my hardest not to have heat flashes from nervousness being around large groups of people or being the center of attention in a social setting. The lack of being able to look at people in the eye without feeling insanely insecure and nervous. While fighting the thoughts in my mind telling me u201cYou are boring themu201d u201cTalk more they are not gonna like you anymoreu201d u201cTalk or they will focus on your physical appearanceu201d u201cThey think you have no personalityu201d u201cYou are blandu201d etc.. Fighting the depression making me feel like I have no energy and just in a bad mood. Anxiety has been affecting me my whole life always bringing me down and second guessing myself and just over analyzing every single thing I'm my life. Up until I graduated high school and started working back in 2011 is were i think I gained some of the control back from having to interact with others more. Then eventually moving out on my own in 2015 forced me to grow up fast and interact with others more by shopping at the grocery store basic life essentials. Just being independent was terrifying but overall I think it pushed me to get better and I did I got control of my inner demons. As well all know 2020 was stressful and hard on all of us. Being in quarantine and working from home I did not realize how much it was affecting up until this year. Subconsciously in back of my mind my anxiety and depression were slowly getting to me. For a few weeks now I felt a little more sad, more moody, and just the negative thoughts all slowly increasing. Last week it all hit me like a train. I felt like I had no energy, no motivation, high anxiety, major depression all hit me combined. I lost control of my anxiety and my depression. It really hit me how serious I was feeling when I called my supervisor at work to let him know what was going on with me. While talking to him in middle of conversation in my mind I remember thinking u201cDamn I can't believe I felt the need to tell my supervisor about this. This is very seriousu201d I felt my voice cracking after. My supervisor was awesome about it and his a really great person overall and always wants to help. After our call though I could not hold back the tears I broke down crying. Had to message him afterwards telling him if I could take the rest of the day off just couldn't work right now. I am currently getting help and will be trying my hardest to get better and take it day by day. I will take some time off work to spend time with my family so I can reset and come back and keep getting better. Doing this post for myself to write down my feelings and my struggles and at the same time raise awareness of mental health and let everyone know of how important it is. Always talk to someone get the help. And always remember that it's ok to not be ok you emotions and feelings are valid.
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That all count as long we keep moving forward even it slow. Hang in there ud83dude07
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As a child in the 90s I never played games very much. Occasionally the n64 or whatever. I never had social anxiety until about 14 or 15 when my parents got me a laptop around 2004. I got addicted to playing an mmorpg on it and from then on I developed intense anxiety around others which hasn't gone away till this day (I'm 31). It just puzzles me cause as a kid before I got really into gaming and the Internet I never had this curse of social anxiety. Anyone relate? I also thought maybe social anxiety is a side effect of the shame I feel for having wasted my life.
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My fear mainly stems from being rejected or disliked. I don't know how to get over this
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Literally nobody gives a fuck about the things I care about. I am so sick of people. They will yap all day everyday about the same things that THEY care about, all emotional about it, but as soon as I try to talk about something interesting to me they never pay attention or react other than
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Honestly, there are so many Me-Me's out there, people who only want to talk about themselves but can't possibly reciprocate and listen, it's mind boggling. I feel like social media has only amplified the problem. It's all over Facebook - people who put up selfies, constantly, pictures of their meals, whatever. They are the ones you are talking about, and they aren't worth the time.nnI've felt the same way as you, that I must be incredibly boring because people check out when I start talking. I've felt terrible about myself as it is and this used to really bum me out and feel even worse about myself. What it comes down to is that I am an empath who is very sensitive to peoples' energy and I can feel it when they are the type to be Me-Mes or don't feel socially safe, as it were. Now I just avoid those types, because there are other good people out there who are easier to be around and actually know how to have a two way relationship, and don't treat me like I'm boring, like I don't have anything interesting to say. I treasure those people. There aren't many in my life, and I'm still an introvert who mostly likes being alone, but I also have a need for social contact, and I've finally reached a point in my life where when I do spend time with people, it's those folks.nnIt goes both ways, though. When you find someone who has the kind of spirit that makes you feel safe to be yourself, be sure to not be a Me-Me with them!
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To be fair, I have only had 3 real life dates in my entire life, the first two didn't go past one date, but my most recent lasted a month. We ended up parting, and the main reason was because I was struggling to show affection. She described me as not
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Yup :/ i wouldnt hold their hand id be way too scared and id act anxious around them then end it 3 days later. Its stressful and i physically cannot do it even if i want to
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Because of my social anxiety, I've started putting on so many
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I can say that i experienced that as well, to some extent i still am discovering myself. I came to a realization when something happened between me and my best friend where we talked about how i was
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I wonder if I should give it a try...
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How about in terms of reducing your general anxiety or loneliness or making it easier to talk to real people?
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and especially when I see that it's a number that I don't know, I can't describe the feeling. I feel like my soul is getting sucked up, I start to sweat and shake, I come to the edge of crying, just because someone is calling me or just because there's someone at the door. And I don't answer. Yes, the door or the phone, I don't answer them. I can't, I feel like crying. I wish I could describe.
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I am doing some of them, for example I just don't answer the phone but after a while I get back to the call sometimes. Sometimes. And I can't wait to get ready to answer the door so whoever they are, they go away eventually.
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Over the years I've slowly been improving my anxiety and trying to be comfortable in my own skin but the one thing that I've heavily struggled with is mic shyness when gaming or just in general and I don't know why. The couple times I have done it I've been told I have a deep voice and have never had awkward encounters and have even been told irl by people I'm comfortable with that I should stream and stuff. But still something about the thought of talking with strangers on the internet instantly sparks my anxiety until I do it and things flatten out but that initial wall of doing it is almost impossible to get over for me and I can't figure out why. If anyone has any suggestions or advice on how to get over it I would appreciated it! nnnP.S. I rarely drink and the last time I tried that I wanted to vomit for 2 days straight because I heavily over did it. lol
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Sorry, yeah sometimes you just have to go for it, in my experience the more often you put yourself out there the easier it will be in the future. Maybe just stating observations, asking what your teammates want to do, or proposing an idea are a good way to start. Ex. You play hunt showdown anything you say could be helpful because you are coordinating with one or two other people. Examples: they are banishing the spider
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Is cocaine making my depression worse and making me a less likable person? I feel like people pick up on it quickly and don't like me. My use has gotten worse. It is approaching out of hand. It has become a major budget expense. I used to go a month in between, then 3 weeks, then weekends, occasionally stopping for 2-4 weeks, but go back to it. Lately i use every 3-4 days. I don't like it. I want to quit.
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Thank you. I agree. I used to feel social and energized but lately i think people think im weird. I do have to quit. Not sure how. Sure i want to tonight but what about in 3-5 days? I dont trust counselors. Ive been burned by one a couple years ago. Ive tried, but when this recent one pulled some bs about i u201cmet goalsu201d i clammed up. I also take wellbutrin for over 10 years. I'm depressed and hate myself.
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i've been working in this company for about 3 months and i never felt like i really clicked with anyone in the company. nnmy HR manager told me i had to be more outgoing for my position (i'm under the marketing department), and i tried that out for a day by talking more and trying to initiate conversations, but that really killed me on the inside bc that was so far out of my comfort zonennrecently, my colleagues have stopped talking to me and it feels like they're avoiding me, and the entire vibe in the office feels so different, and idk why but i cant help but wonder if they'll fire me bc i'm not doing much for my job role nnmy anxiety hasn't been of much help either, as i've constantly been overthinking every single day i step foot into the office
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thanks! same to u :)
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I have my school leavers prom at the end of June and I'm really anxious about it already. It's not a huge thing here (England) but people still hype it up a lot. I haven't been to a social thing in months as I just make excuses so I guess you could say I'm out of practice which makes it worse, and no one is doing anything at the moment anyway cos of studying and exams which are soon. You don't have to read this all but I'm basically wondering if there's any way to quickly overcome anxiety at an event.nnI'm mainly worried about the dinner part because I have a huge problem eating in public/at social events, even with just a few friends it can be bad sometimes. I mean sometimes it's literally so bad I CAN'T eat without almost throwing up (not willing to test the limits after I did throw up from forcing myself to eat one time!)n I have some sickness pills my doctor gave me but they don't help the anxiety, just the nausea, but then I still have other symptoms like feeling extremely hot, shaking a lot and just anxiety overall. Not sure if it's an anxiety attack but whatever it is it's not fun. I get the same thing before exams but for them I can just run to the bathroom and cry for a bit. Not at meals though. I am scared it'll happen at prom and I won't be able to escape the situation! There will be so much pressure, more pressure than any other social thing I've been to. I am better now with eating, I have even eaten in my school canteen a few times, and I can eat in public. Worried prom will be difficult though and it'll all go wrong. Sorry this is so long but I'm overthinking this all and even just writing this is kinda helpful to get my thoughts out.nnDoes anyone else have the same kinda anxiety triggers?? Social events with food are just the absolute worse, that's mostly the reason I don't go to get togethers/parties with friends anymorennAlso does alcohol help anxiety? I've not drunk much before asides from half a WKD with my friends when I was 14 but I am guessing it helps yet I have no experience so can't say
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I do want to go and the fact I actually want to be there will probably help. I want to prove to myself that I can do social events and that I can survive and it'll be a big thing because of that and should hopefully go well. Hopefully the food there will actually be nice so I actually want to eat it
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My parents have told me that my feelings of social anxiety are just
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I was in a similar boat during college. Ultimately ended up breaking down, not attending classes, and flunking out.nnr/entitledparents might be a useful resource for you, or at least a place to vent to people who also struggle with being taken seriously by their parents.
|
17f. finally told my family after years that something was wrong with me mentally and now im on therapy. i've told my therapist that my hairpulling has increased DRAMACTICALLY. i have to part my hair different ways to hide the growing bald spots and it makes me very depresseed bc i used to LOVE my hair but became insecure after it got damaged..nnmy anxiety-depression is already bad and he said a low dose of anxiety medication would help. i know people are iffy on mental illness medications but i seriously need this to stop and i have no willpower and i believe it will help me. nnhe told my grandma, who said she would talk it over with everyone first. which made me mad bc my family tends to discuss stuff without me about me and never tell me the actual answer. recently my mom asked me about but she didn't really say anything after thatnnnow i have a bald spot on the back on my head in a very noticeable place and ive told my grandma multiple times about it (including today) and her response, as always is to
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Have you ever tried CBD? I dont know if it helps as much with anxiety as people say. I didnt really feel different ( although I seemed to sleep better, and that was helpful.) nBut the main reason I ask is when I used CBD for a few weeks, I looked down one day and noticed I had finger nails - I usually bite them, have since I was like 4. But I had to start filing them. If I stopped taking it, the effect seem to last about a week or two, but I'd start biting again. If I started CBD, nail biting stopped. And its so weird because I wasnt really thinking about biting or not biting either way. A few other people said they had the same experience. Maybe nail biting isn't related to hair pulling, but it might be worth a try.
|
Anyone else feel like wearing a hat is a necessity to feel less exposed in front of others and calm the anxiety?
|
I love wearing hoodies idk just makes me feel more comfortable and calm. Probably explains why I hate summers lol
|
I know I overthink replying to things. I just replied to a friend's message where she asked about politics, gvnt, beauty, philosophical questions. I like to think about these thinga but don't have a good mental grasp on these topics. I tried coming up w answers many times but never sounded u2018intelligent' enough. I cracked a few jokes that on hindsight feel kind of lame. I settled on some conglomeration of best attempts, and it took a while. I already sent the email which was very long, and now I'm thinking back on it and wishing I sounded u2018cooler' or smarter in a brief way or had important, interesting things add to the convo. I'm just embarrassed about parts I was fumbling around for a conclusion to some half-formed thought, and sound pretentious and dumb. I don't know how to.. be humble yet assertive with my opinions. I know I am u2018mind reading' and I do have interesting things to say, and this all u2018doesnt even matter', but I really care about what this friend thinks of me (not sure why). I just don't know what the u2018appropriate' response to some things are. I think this embarrassment stems from also overthinking upon irl encounters too I'm realizing, and wishing I had a different personality or acted different/ said more smart/cool/ normal things in certain situations.
|
Yes same, and sometimes i wish I could delete an entire conversation from the other's person memory... Cuz it wasn't interesting enough or talked in a silly way...
|
has anyone tried taking propranolol? i've been taking it for almost 2 years now and it hasn't helped me at all, my physical symptoms are still really bad, anyone know about any other beta blockers that work better than propranolol?
|
Cocaine or marijuana
|
She has some kind of personal vendetta against me and has said some really mean shit in the pool in the past when I was lagging behind in the shared lane. Today she reported me to a lifeguard for swimming too slow for the lane we shared, while shouting that I did it on purpose and I'm ignorant and out to get her. A lot of hatred and anger for me when I've literally said zero words to the woman before this. She really thinks I did it on purpose. This is my personal nightmare and own little circle of hell, I have swimming tomorrow and I don't know what to do. How would you cope with being bullied as an adult. I'm 22 she's late forties
|
Yeah I wouldn't GAF I just mean, like, don't concern yourself like it's personal. She's just mentally ill. She'd do the same to literally ANYONE.
|
There's this girl that works near me in a local big store. She's been my cashier multiple times. Honestly she's the most prettiest girl i've ever seen. I think I have feelings for her. Now the problem is my social anxiety... how am I supposed to ask anyone out when my face turns red everytime I start talking? Well.. not everytime, my blushing has gotten a bit better. Also I feel like anything that comes out of my mouth sounds really stupid. nnIts just that im extremely lonely and I'd love to get this girls attention somehow. Maybe slip a note to her while shes checking out purchases..? nnI got my confidence destroyed since I was kicked out of my familys house and moved into my own house... But I feel like im starting to gain my confidence back day by day.nnI'd really like to hear any advice.
|
Welp, that was a long read lol. Yeah, I totally agree with you. I wrote that letter at night when i was hella tired. Now when i read it in the morning im almost dying off cringe... I think... I think im just gonna go with what u wrote to me originally. nnThanks man for real. I really appreciate it. I will keep you updated about how its going.
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TLDR: social anxiety makes me depressive, don't know what to do besides taking drugs although I know very well that it's no permanent solution nnI canu2018t be like this anymore, I hate myself for being like this because I know that I can be another person nI am usually shy and introverted but I can switch this trait off sometimes nI can do this since I do drugs, since a bit more than two years I don't do anything but weednbecause I am a highly addictive person who canu2018t handle drugs nand a marijuana addiction is ok to live with for me nFour years ago I fell in love for the first time in my life (currently 22yo) and since it didn't work out Iu2018m more and more like a shadow of what I used to be nit even reaches the point where just want to quit, yes sometimes I want to kill myself for being like this n(not over this girl, this was just the last straw) nnbecause if I donu2018t find my old strength or if this strength and motivation is gone then I do not want to live a life with so much unused potential or in a way where I loose my passion, my dreams neverything what I could be to a way of living I don't even want and I know that I could do better, but the last time I wanted to free myself of this vicious cycle I ended up doing much more drugs I can handle and afford, constant partying and stuff like this nnThis is surely not the way I want to go for, because I know where I most likely will end up nI recently quit my job and go back into my home city because I am currently in a town which is like a living hell to me, I am since one year there and all I have is a well paying job, no friends, no activities I like, not even with coworkers nnothing, except money nand I don't value money that muchnwhat can I do against social anxiety? besides taking drugs, taking drugs is all that makes me social otherwise I am shy and completely introverted, like the pictures in this sub nbut I don't know any other strategy to fight this, it makes a depressive fuck out of myself and I am fed up with thisnnsorry if my text is a bit off a mess, I am lucky that I can write about myself, thank you for reading
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no not really, very few yes but I don't even see them every week nI have those skills youu2018ve mentionednI can talk to other people/strangers without being shy and introvert nbut only if I am high nalcohol, weed, amphetamins, even fucking tobacco can help me much in certain situations, because this is how I have done it since I am 15nitu2018s like I just need a little push and everything is oknfun fact, when I was in love I didn't even need drugs anymore and I have not done them as well in this period
|
Does your art bring you enough joy and pride in your art to counter some aspects of SA? Has it affected your ability to promote/sell it? Or has it just prevented you from being able to share it with the world?nn I'm a 50M jewelry designer and metalsmith that has suffered with SA since high school, though I was able to carve out a place for myself in most of my life phases by focusing on various artforms starting with drawing, then on to photography and finally metalsmithing. Like others mention, as I've gotten older, my SA has gotten progressively worse, preventing me from promoting myself to the extent that I'd like to. And recently I found that my social anxiety got so bad that I had to leave my booth at my weekend markets and sit somewhere away from the crowds for 20-30 minutes and that got repeated a couple of more times per market. Luckily I have my wife in the booth with me and she is able to handle everything when it became too much for me.nnI have recently started a new SSRI, which has finally started working after being on it for a little over a month now. I have found that I'm actually able to stay in the booth the entire show, greet customers and carry on conversations with a few. I'm also finding that I can walk around the market and through the crowds without getting overly anxious. I don't feel like I'm out of the woods with my SA, but I do finally feel like I'm making progress with handling the aspects that affect my ability to show my work, discuss it and sell it.
|
I'm a writer. nnI think it makes me take rejection harder. It flashes me back to being made fun of at school. (Except now it's by the people I always thought would accept me: other artists.)nnI hate writers' conferences with a passion.nnAnd I'm also crap at promoting my work.
|
So this is the deal... People always ask me why don't I have children, a wife or a GF, I am 30years old man.nThe thing is I never did have a close relationships of any kind because I have trouble connecting with people and especially meeting someone new and my connection with very few old friends and family is very much on the surface level.nUsually the new people I meet are my new colleagues, they only talk to me as long as they see me or as long as I am of benefit, but for example if I quit job(which I do often), I rarely ever encounter them....nRecently this guy a former colleague who I helped out quite a bit before our last conversation asked me an usual why am I single question just before ending our meeting and I just told him the truth, I do not know why- I have never done that before because I always thought that this is the weirdest answer anyone could give, I think it makes me look mentally ill which may not be very far from truth because I generally do not feel OK with opening up to people and socializing, I think people stigmatize such people like me...nnThis state of mine really looks like a dead end to me, when you are young and start socializing you can build skill and gradually people will be OK at engaging with you, but I never had that and I think the lack of social intelect radiates some kind of repulsive aura hence mature people see me as unworthy to engage with...nnnDo you have any insight about what is it about me?nI have a few times been told by some people that I sesm to be OK and it really upsets me that people think beautiful lie will do good, from my observation I am far cry from how other people interact.nPlease don't say everything seems to be OK, that is the most hatmful thing to do, it'd imply I cannot change anything, which I do not believe, I just need to see what needs to be fixed, what makes me so unpleasant to be around?
|
Car, job , money, I have those...nnWell most of people I ever met had some experience with romantic life or sex of their prefference.nThey are generally interested in continuing socializing with their surroundings....nnI have none of that, I find very few people interesting, very few topics too, I do not know how to talk to women do not hava much motivation in socializing because it doesn't feel too rewarding, yet that keeps me lonely....nnThough I try, I try to pay more attention to people, listen to them and try to figure them out... I suppose my own demeanor may lack boldness, or at times the other way around- I may talk too much bout myself, or maybe both are tru and I just lack timing or maybe I'm just boring and do not see what is important in other people.... At times I find myself a bit
|
Scenario 1:nn>Me: “Hi, do you want to grab coffee with me?” n> n>Them: “Sorry, I'm busy.” n> n>Me: (few weeks later) “Sorry to keep bothering you, but do you want to have lunch this Saturday?” n> n>Them: “I'm busy.”nnScenario 2:nn>Me: “So how did the conversation with your professor go?” n> n>Them: (Read at 7:15pm) n> n>Me: (a month later) “Hey, just wondering how you've been” n> n>Them: (Read at 11:33am)nnScenario 3:nn>Me: (tries to make some conversation with classmate) n> n>Classmate: (they force an awkward laugh and walk away from me)nnIronically, this seems to happen much more often with girls than guys, despite me also being a girl.nnI have no idea what's wrong with me
|
I think sometimes we feel chemistry with people that just don't feel it back. It is frustrating, especially when you see other people effortlessly making friends and always having someone to hang out with and talk to, and meanwhile I haven't been able to get one person to join me for a drink. I don't really pursue friendships any more. I join groups and show up when they host events, but I don't have high expectations for friendships.
|
Google says people like Kim Kardashian or Miley Cyrus, which I find hard to believe
|
Billie Eilish
|
Hi there I am glad there is a community on Reddit like this. I have a severe social anxiety as you might have guessed I find it hard to go up and just start a conversation with someone i don't know I have no problem answering the question in class or even giving a speech to hundreds of people it's individual conversations that get me anyone have any tips or advice? lmk
|
I definitely suck at socializing too but some conversations I've had that went well started with an observation and questions about that. Like for me I have peircings and people will ask about them and it can lead to discussions about all kinds of things. Maybe someone has a band tee on or an interesting tattoo you can lead into a conversation with. If not you can ask general questions about movies they recently watched, hobbies, siblings, or music they like. Keep asking questions while throwing in a few compliments to keep them talking long enough that you start to feel comfortable. Also talk about yourself in relation to their answers. Hope that helps. I always feel weird about giving advice here because I'm not exactly a social butterfly.
|
nI don't know how to act when I see him now.nIt's about a guy who liked me years ago but he never confessed to me (we weren't something, just friends).nWe lost contact but he text me a sms, we talked friendly until I text him again and he did not answer me messages and we lost contact again.nYears later..nHe saw me again in a birthday's friend and when he saw me he looked away quickly, he was elusive and weird with me. He greeted everyone but he greeted me last and he was...uncomfortable? Idk he was just weird with me.nIt is as if he is avoiding me now for a strange reason and does not want to be my friend either.nDoes he hate me now?
|
Do u think?
|
Ugh, it's one of the worst things. I don't have experience or skills, so I don't have options (also don't know anyone in the world, having no reason to leave my holding cell).nnI went on an interview today, for a crappy food job. Very embarrassing. The owner is two years younger than me and he lectured me - about how I should stop being shy, look people in the eye, be serious, etc. To be honest, I feel like a total failure. I kind of am. I looked at the part-time listings online and there were so many sales jobs. Seems like the lowest jobs require even more socialization.nnI can't do it. I can't succeed in this life. I feel so sick.
|
There is a right treatment. CBT can be really really helpful in reframing your fears to make things a little easier. You have nothing to lose by trying again.
|
There's this girl in my class who I've interacted with before because we were put in a group with two other boys. I usually have trouble talking to females in general but a week ago we walked together for the first time for a bit after class and talked about random things, it was alright other than my awkwardness making me go silent several times. I think she is closer with me than the other group members because they interact with each other more than with us. She's a nice girl and I really want some friends because I have zero. But today she saw me after class again and I thought she was going to say hi but didn't and neither did I because of my anxiety and trouble talking to females. She stood near me for a few seconds then left. I feel like a failure after that because I couldn't even do the simple task of saying hi. I freaking hate myself so much because I always struggle at the simplest things like that.
|
I don't know. Eventually I just gave up. I graduated college a few years ago and I work from home so I don't really see anyone else anymore. If you want, find something relating to the class to talk to her about. If you don't want to, it won't matter. It's your choice.
|
So I've been going out with this guy for about 8 months, and I really like him. He is a lot more talkative and social, while I tend to keep to myself in big groups. Anyways, yesterday he invited me to a bonfire with all his classmates from a certain class. I did not know anyone there besides him, and one other person that didn't really seem interested in talking. Believe me, I tried my best to engage in conversation with the group, but most of them were guys who shared interests that I just couldn't touch on.nnIt also did not help that since everyone there was in the same class, they all talked about people in that class and how great it is, while I'm just in my chair looking intently on the fire. Needless to say, I felt like running away and hiding in the nearest bush. No, seriously there was a bush right next to me and I wanted to jump in just to escape the horrible feeling I felt. I always knew in the back of my head that I had some case of social anxiety, but it wasn't until this moment where it really triggered it and made me feel terrible. nnTwo hours into the bonfire, I finally decided it was time to go and I told my BF. He got up and drove me home, and on the way he knew something was wrong and I explained to him how I was feeling that entire night. He was very understanding and felt really bad for putting me in a situation like that, and continued to comfort me. I guess what I would like is any advice on what I could have done, or what I should do in the future? Would I be considered to have mild social anxiety?
|
You will not have chemistry with everyone you meet. That is very liberating to know. I think that you were bored but you automatically put it in the anxiety category.
|
I have to be more sociable to get a contract, oh geez.
|
I'm hoping so, but it's still pretty exhausting. :/
|
But the side affects are that my anxiety is worse. I have an increase in negative thoughts about myself. I feel worse about myself and contributing in class. I'm tired constantly even though I take it before I sleep. So now I'm anxious about being anxious. Gosh I hope the side affects endd(and the week) and the results begin.
|
My partner was on Zoloft. First two weeks were exactly like yours, but he was really better when he got used to it.
|
I'm currently in high school (sweden), and apparently there is a special school were they offer just education on zoom. So I don't have to go to school. But the issue is that I need a special reason why I want to attend. One of the reasons are:
|
> pay hundreds of dollars to get a diagnosisnnThis is why healthcare should be free, I can't believe why some americans are against it (or most)
|
one text and that's all it takes for me to feel like I'm having literal heart palpitations. nnI wasn't sure if I had social anxiety but after being basically frozen scared because I really wanted to hang out with a friend but the anxiety was too much, I decided to make the following list:nnThings I like about hanging out:n face to face conversations, especially if they're deepn the person especially if I haven't seen them in a while n moments where I forget the anxietyn joy and laughter and connection and belonging, ugh I love belonginggggnnthings I don't like about hanging out:nn the planning part because I am okay with u201clet's go here and do this and then thisu201d but not u201cwhat do you think we should do/ what do you wanna do?u201d because I basically don't trust that my inputs and ideas will be accepted and I don't want to sound dumb n the nervousness while preparing to go because I'm anxious about what to wear and if I look okay. I used to spend an hour or more putting on makeup before covid. but honestly who has time for that loln the physical feelings of anxiety like being stuck in the bathroom and being late cos I have a bad case of the shits and then being anxious that I may have another case and will I be able to find a bathroom?!? ...n ...or the physical anxiety during the conversation: am I being weird? Am I not meeting their eyes? Is my voice starting to shake? Oh god, am I rambling? n the stress of trying to get out the door and being questioned/lectured (authoritarian parents) regarding where I am going and feeling guilty about it, especially if I have to lie about who I'm hanging out withn the possibility of making plans and then being too anxious to go or not being allowed to go and subsequently cancelling made plans and being seen as a u201cflakeu201d, being secretly disliked, or not being invited in the future by friends n the possibility of being at the wrong place when I show up or not knowing the social surroundings or how to act within them n the possibility of awkward silence when it's just a few people or just someone else n the possibility I might have to drive someone from the place or to another place (driving anxiety cos I feel like I'm being watched and judged) n the possibility of looking dumb ordering something in person in front of someone or making an order over the phone (telephonophobia)n not knowing if I may suddenly find myself in an uncomfortable situation where I want to go home and being anxious about disappointing the person when I run out of energy, especially with extrovertsn Being excluded from the conversation because they're discussing something I don't know (music, show, movie, celebrity I don't know) and I can't contributennneedless to say, I don't think everyone goes through this every time a friend asks if they want to hang out.
|
the set up part of someone shows romantic interest. I didn't even realize it until you put it into words, I really convince myself that they can't like me for me, that they're tricking me to get something, and it's not real. nnIt definitely helps to keep the environment comfortable to offset the internal discomfort so to speak. and to remind myself that my thoughts and beliefs may not represent reality. Thank you for the validation.
|
My anxiety has increased a lot recently due to several factors and sleep has almost become a luxury at this point. How can I sleep properly without having to completely exhaust myself first?
|
I have problems too because my inner voice my soul whatever it is starts talking to me, gives me ideas and goes off rambling on the shitload of things that need to be done in a short period of time I been putting off. I end up passing out from weed or booze just so i can turn it off to rest.
|
I've come to realization, i don't have much friends and I very bad at talking with strangers :(nnSo I thought that the best way to talk with someone and maybe make a friend is to get the person who has the same problems...
|
Brazilian ?nYeah
|
What do you do for “fun” (not work, school etc) when you leave the house that's worth combatting the social anxiety for?
|
The plant nursery up the road. nnIts huge, the sun always feels good on my skin, and there are always few people there (mostly quiet pensioners).nnThen I normally just buy a few things and come back home to work in the garden.
|
When I had depressive episodes in the past, I have leaned on romantic partners or close friends to regulate my emotions but that is no longer an option for me. Family is also not available to talk to. How do you stop feeling sad/want to keep going on your own? Does anyone have any distractions or habits they use to help?
|
Anything that allows me to forget. All I do is think about it and I feel worse
|
I have this cousin who knows I can be shy and I don't talk to most of the relatives like her so once she said the usual
|
That's just a dumb part of human nature. People want you to conform to their expectations. Knowing that this sort of thing will happen as you try to improve yourself can make it easier to accept though :)
|
It's fucking amazing. I'm so excited.
|
No online friends I manage to make are anywhere close to me.
|
I'm not sure if I have SA or I'm just an absolute mess but whenever I try to listen to music in public I can't help but imagine that everyone else is talking about me which ruins the whole zone out and chill experience I desire :/
|
To me, the tricky part is taking them out of my bag and putting them on, but as soon as the music starts I forget about anything else.
|
I don't have the will to live right now, my life's so boring, I think I am just a nobody, friendless, no social skills, have social anxiety, fear of judgements, overthinks everytime, living inside my head everytime, I felt like I dont deserve to live this life, I don't have the will to live right now. My life's so fuck up right now. Earlier, in my school, I feel so alone, helpless, feel different to everyone, I don't have the confidence and courage to share my opinions, ideas, feelings and emotions, I feel like I'm only observing everyone else, act as theirselves, the whole time i am inside our room, my mind is blank, I don't have the will to move and act as myself, act like my own self I don't have any responsibilities I just want to kill my self.
|
I can relate to that feeling. I've been there many times before. It might not look like it, but I can assure you that it won't always be this way. I believe everyone has their own value and no matter how weird you might feel, it isn't your fault or you aren't doin anything wrong. There are always people who might feel the same or experience parallel feelings.
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