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So I've been making great progress when it comes to social anxiety. Becoming more daring, outspoken, social, and all that stuff.nnBut one aspect I could never get going is the humor thing. Even during my extrovert moments, discussions with me tend to be very serious. nnThere's this co-worker of mine, whenever he enters the workplace and exchanges discussions with people I'd hear loud laughter everywhere. nnI just kind of wish I was a more
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im only funny when im generally pissed off and miserable because thats the only time im being authentic if that makes sense. when im normal it feels like im detached and trying to act like a normal person instead of being myself. maybe im just a miserable fucker.
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I can't even approach friends anymore because I get so nervous about infringing on their space. I also just don't know how to talk either. If they can carry a conversation I'm fine because they can steer but if no have to do any convo leading I just go quiet. I can't talk at all
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it's exceptionally hard since it becomes a natural behaviour for an anxious person. i would love to snap out of it one day. i have experienced that when you talk multiple times to someone that you are extremely uncomfortable with, your brain gradually starts to become less and less nervous each time you do that.nnIt takes incredibly high level of patience and too many to count painful experiences to get to that position.
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When I disagree or think something sucks I'm afraid to say it because people would be on my ass about it but when someone else says it I agree with them in my mind.
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you are a nice person. stay like that.
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how does it affect your manic episodes?nI always become more confident and social and impulsive with my mania but my anxiety still holds me back from going all out, which I guess is a blessing.
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Yeah, this is probably the only time our anxiety is a good thing lol. I understand how that is.
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People often look at me with disgust or says bad things while passing by me. I feel like its useless for me to go to the gym.
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Yeah its just escapism if I do that. You know what screw them all, I'm paying for the dumbells, not the people
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I arrived late in the semester so I missed out on all the orientation stuff, and everyone's pretty much settled into their own rythms. If it wasn't for the interhall sports I would never have met anyone at all, but even then I've been eating by myself at the cafeteria everyday for the past 4 daysnnI normally don't care but whenever I notice that it's just me eating alone and everyone else is in groups, I feel hopelessly outcasted and can't stop thinking about what they think about mennHowever if I see someone else eating alone I automatically join their table or the next table, doing the same thing I am; eating alone and browsing their smartphones with their free hand. I don't actually talk to them I just sit near themnn. For some reason this brings me tremendous comfort and I suddenly feel at easeI cannot even state how good it feels to know I'm not the only one eating alonennAnyone else have/had this problem? Can someone please tell me how to solve this? I've finally enrolled in classes so starting this week I should start meeting a lot more people, as opposed to last week when I arrived in the middle of the week and didn't know anyone. But either way I'd like to know how I can solve this. I'm really shy and I don't want to be too pushy just as to ask strangers if I can sit with themnnMaybe I can take comfort in those others who are eating alone? Like
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yeah, but the issue is that I'm arriving a few weeks into the semester so that stuff doesn't really happen, everyone's sort of formed their own groups alreadynnNevertheless I'm starting to know more people and hopefully it'll get betternnThe only issue is that I actually don't mind socialising like going to hang out in the games room or play some pool, its just that I'm so shy to ask and scared to approach them because my SA makes me think that I'm not wanted. i NEED to receive an invitation from them in order to go, thats really the only way I can socialise. and even then, it would only be for stuff that i like (playing pool or ping pong), not going out clubbing or anything
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Sorry for ignorant question, but I never got this. So many people post here about problems with their boyfriend, relationship, etc., while people with actual social anxiety disorder have no chance for even having anyone to be loved by, even if they would really want to. It takes so much to get one, that I wonder if that person really has SA, because he/she has overcame all the difficulties of having SA and found a soulmate.nnRant over :(
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Awesome! Me either... lol
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My dad is always making fun of me for my SA. Whenever I take the dog out he says
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The worst part for me is when my friend jokingly said something about my presentation, which of course, I was super anxious about and fucked it up (I had the worst grade in my class). It really hurts. And since I really hate my SA, it's my most vulnerable spot, so whenever someone makes fun of me I get so freaking angry and try to defend myself, even if I don't have to.
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Title
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Live my fucking life and cry .best day of my life
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I don't know why but I tend to speak really fast, sometimes this thing makes me stumble over words and then my anxiety gets even worse
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Me too. Especially when I'm nervous
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Certain attractive women make me very shy, nervous and shakey. Sometimes, they'll be into me, but it'll happen and ruin everything. How do I get rid of this?
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I don't think anything that reduces relationships to a game is helpful. I also don't much care for the misogyny that surrounds the PUA scene.
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Hi, I suffer from dysthymia and burning social anxiety. My pdoc suggested me to medicate with 50mg Zoloft (Sertraline) per day and 25mg Seroquel (Quetiapine) at night for sleep. Considering how low the starting dose is, I'm free to add 50mg Seroquel XR as needed during day or night.nnI'm at day 9 of therapy and I can't tell any difference coming from the antidepressant medication, except from some side effects as low sexual desire. Seroquel, instead, is quite comfortably relieving the painful anxiety by numbing any other emotions (such as empathy and the already poor feeling of connection with people).nnSo my question: is it possible to expect a warmer feeling when Zoloft will kick in (hopefully in the next few days)? I'll be able to connect with others again, after months of isolation? nnMany thanks to everyone will reply. Maybe life will be better than this.
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Yeah, I went fairly well with benzodiazepine. Maybe too well: I got hospitalized after an abuse of them among other drugs! :) nnOf course, also this sad story is related to social anxiety, and this represented the beginning of my therapeutic journey in the land of safe medications.nnI actually never felt suicidal (not more than thinking about it), but it's plainly sad to observe how lonely and angry I became.
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I always see post people saying their lonely / have no friends. I've even tried to talk to people like this.nn But after a couple messages its just mute, & I'll see them making other posts & stuff. I guess I'm just not interesting enough of a person.nnAlso I see so many post on here close to the same age as me so its weird. Guess I'm a popular SA age. Has anybody became like good friends with anybody on Reddit?
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I find I get along better with extroverts target than introverts. I can sometimes get it out my shell if other people are taking the lead
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Is it possible to get some kind of money support for people with severe depression. I wake up every morning with a panic attack. Barely able to function day to day, work is becoming harder cause my mental health is causing physical health problems. Also having panic attacks at work. What can I do
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I'm not sure where you live, but your doctor or psychiatrist can support you with getting on disability through the government . There is paperwork and they will have to provide some documentation that talks about how your mental health is impacting you day to day, and making it impossible for you to work. Or do you have benefits through your work? nI'm sorry you are going through this :( I'm currently on a short term disability leave from work because of my mental health too. I hope you have some supports and a good doctor and/or psychiatrist that is working with you.
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So I am honestly not the best at acting and I'm not just saying that but I got casted in my school one act play and I'm sooooo scared. I have a few lines so it's not too many but I'm really scared because I mean I have social anxiety and I'm going to be on stage in front of judges and that's my biggest fear!!!! Our first read through is next Thursday and I can't stop thinking my mind is racing. Does anyone have any tips on how maybe I can calm myself down? I just really need some help. I love acting but this mental illness is tearing my life apart. I'm on zolof 50mg right now I just stared it today. Hopefully it will start working soon but I really need some other tips. Thank you.
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I'm not sure how I can help you so I upvoted you, but once you face it and face it as if it is a challenge too overcome you'll get a massive confidence boost and you'll be more courageous which will give you the ability to face another challenge, incrementaply building, by doing the easiest hard thing you could do, although for me that'd be buying something from the gas station when thever guy at the counter is staring at me. But you got this, this will be like the top of the curve, so once you do it once it'll become easier, but the idea is actually you become braver through facing these things incrementally. If that was at all helpful, you're very welcome. But Yeh these are just my thoughts, good luck :) you got this.
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This happens to me usually when I'm watching a drama or something, not if it's action or a thriller or whatever, and the characters have like such a whole and fulfilling social life (e.g. when the TV characters are socializing so effortlessly at a party with several friends). Like I've been watching this show on Hulu called Normal People and there's scenes where the two main characters are out at parties with their friends, and I can't stop thinking about how my own social life is lacking, and then I get anxiety as I'm watching the TV show. I'm just wondering if it happens to any of you out there too.
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Totally yes. While not a TV show, my friend recommended that I play a mobile game called Oxenfree. Fantastic game, but it's 100% centered around social interactions between characters. Sadly, just seeing people socialize so effortlessly makes the game nearly unplayable for me.
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It seems like 90% of my class mates do part time jobs and like ig it's the social norm for a 15+ to work part time and pay for their own clothes etc. I literally was not introduced to this 'social norm' until i entered 6th form so it was a bit of a shock for me, also because i have severe social anxiety so it's tough for me to go out and look for a job. On top of that my parents are really selfish about spending their money on me and my brother so they're really pressured for us to get our own income lmao. The work culture here seems so depressing cuz ik alot of young workers get exploited by their employers and they either work way too much for a part time or they dont get paid enough, that is soo not appealing to me. But i'm 18 now and soon to start uni so i wldnt mind doing work but i just wanted to ask if it is weird that i've wld be starting so late.
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I'm 34, so I'm an older millennial.
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On Monday I will have to do a presentation with other people I don't know and never met in my life. I hate these situations but I can't avoid them and I'm thinking of using alcohol on that day to help me. I know it's a terrible idea but I was just wondering if anyone does this and if it helps?
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Everybody does. All people who go out to bars and party drink. Cause they're so nervous and it will calm them down. I think it would be better not to though. Id rather beat it with out alcohol. If you're going to do it get buzzed don't get blackout drunk, but you don't want to rely on it.
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It was only like 5 minutes without counting the long peptalk before but I'm sooo proud of myself :)
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I get up in the morning when it is still dark to walk or ride my bike. I have cute lights on my wheels and they make me happy.
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This has been going on for over a week. These early 20 somethings have been making super loud animal noises and being annoying. Last week one of the kids made fun of my laughing by making a dolphin noise as I was laughing. They started talking in a shrill high pitch voice for hours. I talked to my boss and she told me they're just kids. Yesterday, two of my coworkers one being a few years older than me 34 and 1 of the 20 something year olds were struggling to move a table. I offered to help and they finally get it moving and I turn around going back to my job. The 20 something year old making special needs noises behind my back.nnToday, I had enough they were practically screaming and slamming skids down on purpose. I started yelling, telling them to shut the fuck up and I might have called them cocksuckers to be honest. I don't remember because I was anxious and angry. My manager and her manager tell me they're just kids and if the noise is affecting my anxiety that I should look for another job. I do feel bad for snapping but a part of me feels like they deserved it. But now, I'm worried about losing my job because I yelled and cussed at these kids. I should have been the adult in the situation. nnAll of this happened a few days ago. Today, I spoke with the head of HR. He seemed pretty understanding to my anxiety attack the other day. They are willing to work with me if or when I have something that triggers my anxiety. I did even say that I'm willing to take a write up for yelling, screaming, and cussing.
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You were pushed into it, they do NOT deserve an apology. They will most likely look at it as weakness since they are bullies. Stay strong.
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Am I the only one who gets kinda anxious when the hairdresser tries to make small talk, like I understand they are just being nice but I always feel awkward when that happens lol
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Omg yeah, and they are always really manly men (at men's barber) and I am not a manly man lol like....fuck off I don't wanna talk about football, please be quiet and cut my hair
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I'm not the best at posting so sorry if the format is wacky.nnBasically, my boyfriend's family is having a barbeque and they have a pool. I've been invited over and a few more members of his family are going to be there. I am terrified of talking to family's of my friends or in this case, my boyfriend. I was raised to not really be myself with my own family, be more formal, but then I didn't know what to talk about and they'd get mad if I didn't talk. I don't want to be an idiot or embarrass myself. I'm so anxious about talking. What do I even talk about?nnI want to go, it's happening tomorrow anyway, but I'm all dizzy and my breathing is messed up just thinking about it. How do I talk to people? How should I act in the pool? Is it rude if I don't eat? I feel sick. Any help is appreciated!!
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Then maybe the two of you can be here introverts together and remember, as long as the two of you are happy together his family won't mind if you make a fool of yourself
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Everything is in the title
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I think by far the thing I struggle with the most is compliments. Even very minor things. nnThat may sound odd but when it fights against all you believe in and being forced to understand someone is actually being nice to YOU..
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My whole life is an I don't knownnI feel like I'm barely holding myself together I do not know how to do anything. I need to fix my weight my face my hair then I need to work on my mental health since I have anxiety disorder and depression. Only , I do not know how . all my therapists have sucked . they couldn't help me , or maybe I didn't do a good job of expressing myself , or both. Seems hopeless ...and I'm really struggling trying to get myself out the door all the time. Maybe I should d word.
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No I think it needs to be shaved off but my mom won't like that though. Also I'll look more ugly without hair. I'm tired of looking for therapists I think I've seen ay least four or five and none of them helped
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So yeah I called out earlier this week which was extremely hard for me to do due to me getting panic attacks when we I have to talk on the phone. I had a very high fever and I was told I need to come back the next day. I then went in for my next shifts but since I haven't been able to rest the fevers back and I'm feeling even worse. I took a Covid test and it's negative but I'm feeling like absolute shit I'm scared of calling out again because I don't want to get fired. It took me forever to find another job after I lost my other one due to the pandemic . I have extreme social anxiety already and am so nervous on the phone I literally shake . I don't know what to do.I thought you have to stay home another 24 hours after getting a fever but my manager didn't care. I know calling out is the right thing thing to do so I don't expose other people to my sickness but I don't know how to go about it… btw I can't text my manager either because that counts as a no call no show.
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I have given a lot of positive comments to people on Reddit. I can only help you this way. Two numbers:nn1-800-662-4357nn800-273-TALK (8255)
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I don't know how to really explain itnnBut it's like I actively try and avoid using someone's name to them because I feel like I come across as weird if they do or I call them the wrong namennIt's like I think that they'll think I'm trying too hard to be sociable nnIdk I just find it hard to call someone by their actual name lol
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In the beginning yes, but at some point i get used to it and it becomes 2nd nature.
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I am trying to start off my day with a short walk in the morning to get myself centered before starting the day. During my work day I'm being more mindful of how much I'm working and I am trying to take more short breaks to stretch and shift focus for a bit of I'm becoming to anxious about a project (I have SA with a comorbidity of general anxiety.) I generally try to listen to either distracting podcasts with humor (currently mostly Kitboga's livestreams on Twitch) or mindfulness and biohacking podcasts like 10% Happier and the Huberman Lab. I try to practice deep breathing as much as possible throughout the day (also just found a deep breathing app called Prana Breath that is an excellent guided breathing app) and also am mindful to breath through my nose as much as possible. I'm also trying to express more self love (not that kind) and allow myself to accept my flaws and be okay with them and not fall into an abyss of self hatred and shame like I'm generally prone to do when I make mistakes. I also take baby steps with my SA by slowly doing exposure therapy when I can (on Mondays I do the grocery shopping buy myself and it's gotten more manageable as I've slowly gotten accustomed to the store layout and with the help of my headphones and using the stores app to help me navigate to store to find an those hidden items that my wife wants because there are coupons for them. I was doing meditation but that lapsed. I do plan on resuming it though, just need to stop procrastinating (another thing I need to get under control. Finally, most importantly, for me at least, is that I have finally found an SSRI that (mostly) works for me. I've tried and quit many, but this one has given me the best results by a long shot. I have also started up weekly CBT online sessions again, which has been very beneficial as well. Anyway, sorry about the TED talk! Looking forward to hearing the little (and big) things that everyone does throughout the day to temper their SA.
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I like to think about how what I am doing fits into the bigger picture. My taxes from work make the roads and the product we package (spices) gets to make people's dinners good.
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I just need to get this off my chest. I've been struggling to get out of bed in the holodays and i have so much shit to get done in a day. My musoc teacher expects me to learn a piece by monday amd i need to do a reading and listening. All this takes more than the day i have due to my schedule. I'll never pass, i can't even get this done. I so want to give up, there's no point even trying any more, i cant do anything. I've given up the idea of going to uni, or really getting anywhere. I feel so so useless
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Thanks, I'm gonna need it
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When I have an anxiety attack, I deliberately dissociate to get away from the pain. What are some healthier strategies? Or is this even bad?
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I think sometimes it's good, like an emergency stop button. Ideally, we should do this in healthy ways. Energy healing is nice and I should do it more. I like chakra healing music on YouTube too.nnBut ultimately, at some level, I know I actually have to take action on things. Physically or spiritually/emotionally/psychologically maybe?nnEventually things have to shift in the physical world, or my goals/desires have to change, to relieve the overbearing overwhelming stress I can feel in my stomach right now.nnAnd thank you for helping me tap into this feeling. I'm going to go do one of Melanie Tonia Evans healing meditations. Those are amazing too ud83dude0annGood luck, hang in there, you aren't alone and I'm rooting for you.ud83eudd73nnnNeed to get into Irene Lyon's stuff more. For some reason I'm resistant.
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Today started with a very anxiety producing race to get my sister on her bus! We didn't win and my mom had to drive her instead. When we got home, my mom had appts. and I was home alone. No one was there to distract me and I was able to get all my work done in the classes that are now online. Yesterday, I struggled because my mom was home and making noise. As I finished my exam (a big stressor), my mom pulled up with grocery's and asked me to bring them in. When i get out there it's freezing and my sister took my jacket, so i'm trying to carry them in fast. My mom, who does have a jacket on, proceeded to slam the door into me and make my slip and almost fall. When i told to please get out of my way and stop making me slip, she was fine. Then, i go to start putting things away and she was calling off orders left and right, so i said that i needed to finish carrying some stuff in and she should start. Now, she's screaming telling me i've done nothing all day and she done so much and i'm a worthless piece of shit. Like she doesn't allow people to talk like that to her, why does she do it to me. Why doesn't she have to tear me down and make me feel miserable every time I finally feel like i'm doing well. Like why is nothing i ever do good enough? I just don't get it! I don't get why she has to destroy me knowing how bad it's been. Ugh enjoy my rant! Sorry.
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yeah you right she's just a POS
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Is it just me or does anyone one else have some anxiety when going out to eat with only one other person? In a group, it's absolutely comfortable and I feel I can bounce around in conversation... And the silence doesn't bother me if it ever happens. But with one person sometimes I feel like there is some pressure to make conversation and the potential silence in this situation is weird for me.
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Same. 1v1 convo scares me the most because im boring as fuck and feel like I'm gonna get found out. Even in a group of three you can rely on the other dood sometimes and just not talk for a bit.
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The worst is, SHE started talking to me. SHE gave her number. SHE asked me out first.nnAnd now she's ignoring me, her grandpa suddenly had to be brought to the hospital 1,5 hours before we were supposed to go outnnI seriously fuck it up with everyone? This girl was INTERESTED and lost it when she got to know me.nnAnd all everyone does is give me fucking bullshit advice,
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Yeah, she was very
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I hate myself, I'm all alone, every conversation I had in the last 3 months was devaluing, I push my parents down, they drink alcohol to cope with the fact that their child is a loser. I need to get out of this house, I had traumatic experiences here as a child, I still can feel the bad energy surrounding me it won't get better if I stay here, it's chaotic, I don't get anything done, I eat bunch of shit. It has gotten to the point we're I stay up all night an talk with myself. I need to get out of here but how do I do that when Social anxiety dissociation and depression are ruining my life and I screw up any relationship that I have. I will be alone at New Year's Eve like I was at every other occasion the last 2 years. Would be a good time to kms.
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Thanks your the kind and enlightened words, it means alot, texts like this give me a little motivation and courage to keep on going
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I live in a house where I'm surrounded by tons of unpleasent memories and my family isn't so supportive, sometimes even toxic, so I'm like 99% of the day feeling down and don't even have the energy to try to change
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You might believe so but ultimately an environment can feel worse if you're lacking comfortability in yourself, the idea is to feel ok in you no matter where you are
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I have a low quiet voice and I'm working on my social skills. Cause I'm kind of socially anxious it makes restaurant dates quite difficult. It's so loud and I'm scared of being too quiet, not having a flowing conversation, and sometimes I can feel my girlfriend feeling a little anxious too.nnAlso, I grew up really poor, only got some money recently, so dates and restaurants have always felt surreal and new to me, I could never afford them growing up. I get anxious when paying even if I know I have the money, what if something goes wrong with my card, what if there's an unexpected payment etc etcnnWhat can I do?
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Restaurants are just horrible imo, go on fun dates where u guys are actually doing something. It's creates memories and strengths the bond. Maybe like an escape room or something.
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Hey Guys,nnI used to struggle with really intense social anxiety, all the way into my 30s.nnA long story short, I used deal with, but not limited to, the following problems:nn Being hypervigilant about being teased or criticized, and frightened by angry peoplen Constantly freezing and having an overwhelming fight or flight responsen Feeling insecure and out of place in social situations and unable to be present in conversations (either too panicked or thinking of what to say next)n Being unable to make and hold eye contactn Feeling isolated and feeling like nobody in the world actually cared about men Feeling like everyone except me had it all together (better job, better looking, more confident, etc., etc.)n Extreme fear of public speaking or talking in front of othersn Feeling uneasy when being watched or observed while doing somethingn Feeling like I couldn't be myself around anyonen Feel guilty and unworthy when standing up for myselfn Feeling absolutely drained by being around people and needing to recharge for daysnnI no longer experience the above symptoms, which has allowed me to finally live the exact life I want to!nnSo ask me anything ud83dude0annWhat questions do you have for me?
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Thanks!
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If you have a spider fear, you can avoid spiders. If you have a clowns fear, you can avoid clowns. If you fear people and social situations, you can't avoid it. It's everywhere. You can't lock yourself in your room for the rest of your life.nnI need to confront someone about something very important today, and I have a fever, I'm throwing up, my stomach is killing me, and I feel like I'll die. And I can't avoid it as if it were a spider, or the dark, or anything else. I can't avoid life.nnI wish I could be an hermit though. nnJust a rant.
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We can only die to avoid people. But the fear of death is stronger
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I have tried so hard to just be okay in life. But if it isn't my anxiety stopping me from doing the things I want to do it's the voice in the back of my head saying I'm not good enough. It's not like I've never felt happy or carefree but it's always so fleeting, someone might tell a joke and in the moment I'm laughing, enjoying myself but then the voice in the back of my head tells me I look ugly doing that or it wasn't that funny you'll come across as weird or how I've always had ugly teeth or whatever…. nnMy fear of abandonment gets in the way, I lash out, push people away or just avoid them, I try to stop doing that and the voice reminds me of how shit I've been in the past or tells me no one could really like me. nnI'll try to push myself end up doing too much or I'm not doing enough. I don't even know who I am as a person. I've never thought I was good enough but now I think about how I've been in the past I used to be a book worm and love theatre, I still do but I find it hard to do anything or have hobbies. nnI don't speak up enough or I speak up too much. I hate myself but sometimes I think I'm the best thing ever. I'm super disciplined or I'm a total slob.nnI'm so unhappy all I want is stability but I also want spontaneity. How can I ever be happy when what I really wanted an hour ago is the very thing I'll detest in 20 mins time. nn2 days ago I was considering quitting my job and today I considered it the best thing ever…. Does anyone else feel this way? nnI don't think I expressed this in the best way if I'm honest.
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What your saying does make sense. I have had those moments. It sounds like you are having the high highs and low lows. nnThat voice in the back of your head is wrong. You are good enough, you do matter, your experiences are yours and you get to decide which of those experiences make you a stronger person. nnWhat is one thing you like about yourself?
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Time is ticking, I am 29 yr female. I always wanted to have a family and kids, but my SA got worse since my 6yr boyfriend and I broke up on October. My nervous system is getting even more out of control and I have been having pretty bad life episodes bc of this. I can't even eat in front of coworkers and always make an excuse to go home. It's too draining. Just want to lie down in bed after these events. So my “future/present wishes” are contradictory. Does anyone relate? Any inspirations out there?
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Something that I think helps with SA is this mantra.
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Title is self-explanatory. One time in high school I was talking to a teacher, just having a casual conversation. I was getting anxious though because a) it wasn't something I was prepared for and b) I didn't wanna embarrass myself in front of a teacher. So, of course, my face starts turning red mid-conversation, and one of the guys sitting next to me in class sees this and goes u201cooh, you're blushiiiingu201d for me and the teacher to hear. At the time I didn't have the balls to defend myself or explain my condition, so it just ended up looking like I had a crush on the teacher. It was such a nightmare, and now I'm always worried about someone pointing it out again. Has anyone here experienced something similar?
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Hasn't happened to me recently but I do remember it happening in high school. Sucked but not much I could do about it.
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Hi, I am a bit afraid of posting here because last time I posted something in reddit (depression subreddit) they called me a twat :/ nSo I don't have many friends (1 real life and 2 online) and now I met a boy in internet (he is real, I have his snapchat and I saw many photos) and I am afraid of ruin things. Last summer I had a group of friends but they stopped talking to me (I think it is because I stopped talking to one of them because he was a bad friend and he must have told everyone bad stuff about me). One of them (the one I stopped talking) was always saying that I am boring, annoying and how everyone was better than me and that kind of stuff and after a whole year of destroying my self esteem (that was small) I decided to cut him off of my life. Now I feel that those things he said are following me and I never was good with people but now I am worse....nSo I met a boy in a language exchange app and we are talking. He is very kind and caring and we talk now and then. I am afraid of losing him because I never know what to say or I sound weird and I feel I am annoying him all the time. We have some things in common but we already talked about those so now I don't know what to say and I am going insane. I try to not to talk everyday to not sound needy but when I want to talk I don't know hot start a conversation, what to say, what to talk about.nIt is destroying me inside the fact that I can't be normal. I have almost 18 (in 2 months) and I never was a best friend to someone, or I went to a sleep over, or travelling or that kind of stuff people around me do with friends. Last school year I tried to talk with people at my class, but they ignored me all the time and even talked over me... The holidays came and they all are doing stuff (with my bad ex friend) and I am at home, alone. Even my 1 real life friend does not invite me, even when I say her that we should go out his her cousin (that I talk in school too).nHelp? Thanks :)
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Thank you so much :) Is ok to be weird?
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I think I've had social anxiety for a while, and I'm looking for some opinions. All my life, I've hung out with friends that I made when I was little. Our group expanded somewhat in highschool, and I really enjoyed hanging out with them. Then we all went to college. I'm a junior, and I've only made about 1 close friend. I have TONS of acquaintances, lots of roommates, but very, very few people that I feel even slightly close to. I have a wonderful boyfriend, who is the only person that I am 100% comfortable with. I just don't have friends. nnIn theory, I would like to have more friends. But although I do like spending time with people that I know well, I am an introvert. People wear me out, and I avoid social situations because I often just don't have the energy to deal with them. Especially since I don't feel like I have much in common with anyone in my classes. I know I should go out and join clubs or whatever, but thanks to school, I don't have the time. On the school subject, I'm a nursing major, which requires a lot of interaction with patients. I used to do alright with that, but two separate teachers last semester told me I need to work on being more outgoing. I guess that messed with my confidence, because I feel like I've been getting more and more anxious in my clinicals. I feel like I never say the right thing, don't really do that great of a job, and that every other student is better than me. It's been an awful semester. Two big job rejections (jobs that I was SO sure that I was going to at least get interviewed for) haven't helped matters either. Making eye contact is very difficult for me, as is talking on the phone. I rarely speak up in class, and feel like all my teachers and classmates don't like me. There are so many things that I don't like about myself, but that I don't have the mental energy to change. nnI've always been a quiet person, but I feel like I've been going downhill lately. I don't think I'm depressed- I sleep well, have been successfully losing weight, I exercise, all that jazz. My future makes me anxious, but not hopeless. I'm just unhappy with myself and my life, and I don't really know what to do.
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Thank you for your thoughtful response. I do get nervous in social situations, but not all the time, and I definitely don't get panicky or nauseous. I know I'm an introvert, but I guess my problems stem from wanting to be more of an extrovert. Extroverts always seem to be enjoying life, and seem like the kind of people that everyone likes. I can tell what people think about me when they tell me to
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This is an honest question. nnAbout a year and a half ago, I discovered my wife cheated on me with some of my close friends. For 15 years, they maintained the secret (well, EVERYONE in my social realm knew, but kept it from me) . People I cared for, helped out when they were down, shared my life with had all let me down in the most personal way possible.nnI died a little that day. I spent time with a shrink, and it was helpful for a period, but lets face it - I knew exactly what was wrong with me, but there's no fixing it short term.nnI've since dropped ALL of my friends. Work and Money stress put the healing on hold. I've tried to make friends with other parents of school age children, but I'm quirky and they just aren't. And besides, it's weird trying to be open to people you'll see at an elementary school. Should you drink? Should you swear? What happens when you say the wrong thing in front of the wrong people? I made some nice photography friends, but don't have the money or time to pursue that anymore, and they just kind of disappeared. Two old girlfriends popped up out of nowhere and it was nice to reconnect with someone who knew me before I broke, and then I felt guilty about talking to them and just stopped. It was just easier to talk with someone who already knew me.nnThis year, we weren't invited to a New Year's party at all, which was a point of big-time stress for the wife. We could not have gone, but she was in tears for a day and a half over not getting an invite.nnSome old friends invited us to a party. My wife accepted, and I just about threw a fit. I can probably deal, but if one of the people she cheated on me with shows up, who knows how I'll react.nnI don't know what to do. I need friends for me. I need friends for the marriage to work. I need friends who don't know about what happened so I can get past it with some fun times. I'm gunshy about opening up to people. I went from being pretty social to socially retarded. I can't look people in the eye anymore. Not for any length of time. I can't listen with interest like I used to. I can't ... I don't know. The thought of being around people is stressful. The thought of living in my cave like I've been doing is depressing.nnI spent some time this afternoon browsing (/r/deadbeadrooms) and it just kind of got to me, so I guess this is why I'm venting a little here. nnAny sort of encouragement or advice is welcome. Please. I'm broken. I'm 42. What do I do? nnFrankly, I'd rather be homeless on the street than make amends with my old social circle, so that's not an option.
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My reply to Serendipitee below pretty much sums it up. It was just a convenient and quick way to answer
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Idk if anyone can relate but my anxiety is actually terrible when I have to speak to other black people. The ones I speak to are nice, I'm just scared of not fitting in because I don't fit the stereotype, I just want to be me.
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Not black either so tell me if I m overstepping but as a person with social anxiety, what I noticed is that social anxiety is actually extremely misunderstood. More often people don't see it's anxiety. What they think is we are rude, don't like them, don't want to talk with them or are just weird. And even when we mention social anxiety, even when we are in panic, people still don't really understand… also have to mention that most adult won't make any efforts to make us feel more comfortable or get to know us. It's just “they don't want to talk so I'll just let them alone”
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For the past few years I've had this anxiety of playing games online. I feel that they will judge how I play and if I lose it's just depressing. My mouse movements are also a concern. nnMy hands go cold and my palms sweaty.
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In my opinion I see this as a great opportunity to try using CBT techniques to overcome anxieties. Gaming is a great way to practice socialisation in a safe environment (yeah people can shit talk, but these people are all bark and no bite, people who act like this are usually insecure about themselves). When I find myself experiencing anxiety in this environment, or even if someone does manage to trigger me, I just tell myself
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I've dealt with anxiety and depression since I was 18. Recently, I've been getting irritable, snippy, and anxious after exercise. This could be walking or biking. nnI'm taking 10 mgs of escitalopram and I live in Chicago. I do not know if it is weather, the exercise, or the meds. nnAny advice?
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Could it be that you're not eating enough? Talk to your T about all of this obviously.
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Phychiatrists prescribe antidepressants for social anxiety does anyone have experience with it?
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What medicine do/did you use if I'm allowed to ask that question. :)
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Basically what the title says. I am comfortable in large group settings, participating in class, and public speaking in front of a lot of people (When I had the opportunity to talk to over 500 people, I felt super comfortable). Also, I feel comfortable talking with random strangers, I can talk to any person in public and make small talk.nnMy problem is I get a lot of social anxiety when I am in a small group setting. I have a hard time talking to acquaintances and it's really hard for me to be friendly. I get scared to be who I really am in these settings and end up being really awkward.
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I'm totally the opposite, I get so nervous when called on in class or have to do a presentation. My face gets red and I can't think straight. It sucks. nnAs for you and one on one, it can be difficult to make small talk. Developing some self love for yourself could be a start and starting to feel comfortable in your own skin, over thinking it could be hindering you too. Good luck! Be yourself!
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I've only been here for a month now but I cant....today was a bad day but ive been having many bad days at work and I've already been feeling crappy about this job its too high pressure, social, loud and stressing for me. I already have a soft, quiet voice so its hard for me to call out drinks/food and it gives me mini panic attacks sometimes...and today one of the shift leaders scolded me in front of a bunch of customers to speak louder and use your
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In Bulgaria 9$ a day is okay
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Hi, 21F here, I suffer from extreme blushing and I don't mean the “cute anime girl” type of blushing, I mean literally turning red and looking like I can't breath. This happens with anyone that makes eye contact with me or talks to me, doesn't matter if I find the person attractive or not, this even happens with family members that used to be close to me or random people that walk past me and don't even notice me. The worst thing is that none of my therapists have taken this seriously ever, some didn't even understand what I was talking about or just looked at me like I was a crazy idiot. I've tried beta blockers and meds, full coverage makeup but nothing has helped, this sounds very silly but it actually affects my daily life a lot and plays a big part in my suicidal thoughts lol It's also one of the reasons I started drinking alcohol, it's easier to play it off and pretend it's just the alcohol making me blush. Any comments appreciated (: Thanks
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Waaaay easier said than done. I don't even feel like I give a shit but my face says otherwise…
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i get hyper aware of my mannerisms and get self conscious even while doing regular stuff like getting something out of my bagnnthe only thing i ever pay attention to is how i look to my classmatesnnit's even worse in physical education class :(ndoes anyone relate to this ???
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same i hate it sm :( deep down inside i know that nobody's looking at me but i can't help but think that they do
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I had my first session with a psychologist on Friday. I started out trying to get him to understand EVERYTHING at once, afraid that he would misunderstand what my problem is. But my GP have settled for the social anxiety label, so that's what the session was most about.nnThe psychologist wanted to start exposure treatment immediately, so we decided that before the next session I was going to spend 2-3 evenings with friends (because I worry about meeting people when it's not day time).nnAfter the session I felt a rush of courage and I kept thinking: u00abEverything scary is an opportunity to get better! Bring it on!u00bb The rest of Friday and yesterday, I kept challenging me to do small things that scared me: I was meeting a friend for lunch, but instead of waiting for her, I went into the restaurant alone and got a table for us. I gave the waitress questions about the menu. I entered the full bus instead of the almost empty one.nnI've also started preparing for the u00ab2-3 evenings with friendsu00bb and I've realized that maybe inviting them is scarier than actually meeting them. I'm afraid they'll say no, or that they will cancel the plans.nnAll this is good - but at the same time I'm confused. It's like there's a fight between two persons inside me. When I'm alone I think that even though I manage to do a lot of scary things, that guy doing those things is not me. It's some other guy! And then my mind start to spin: Who am I really? Am I that brave guy, or is that just me pretending to be a brave guy? How long will I manage to carry on doing that brave act?nnI've had these bursts of courage before, but they always end up with me getting exhausted and going back to my cave to hide. It's as if when I believe things will get better, I manage to do these things - but then I lose faith, and with the loss of faith I lose my u00absuper powersu00bb.nnI have a tendency to over-do things. Maybe this is a case of that.nnI don't know what the point of this post is. I think I just needed to vent my confusions.
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I have to admit that I usually don't care much for stories of wisdom - but this time ... That story hit me in the heart and inspired me! I haven't heard/read it before, but I loved it! That's exactly how I felt the other day, when I was looking for small challenges:
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Yeah, I've never told a girl that I like her. I've always been too shy and self-conscious. But I actually came out and told her I want to get to know her better and that I like her. She's really cool and we're a lot alike. Unfortunately she did turn me down, but we're still friends and she was really sweet and understanding. But she doesn't want to date a co-worker for one and she has another reason I wont go into but not really anything to do with me.nnI was so happy after I finally spilled the beans. I want to spill more beans but I don't want to make a giant mess of my life doing that haha.
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Keep up the good work.
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One of the aspects of making friends I find anxiety provoking and ruins the process is how they will probably find out I don't have other friends or maybe only 1 other friend. They might find this out because whenever you hangout with them it's only the two of you and you never talk about your friends or invite other people. And then sometimes people will ask who you hangout with. It's just a thought I usually have.
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this
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There really is no hope of me ever being with anyone at this point. I've been single for way way too long because of my social anxiety. Thats an automatic red flag for women. Most women also are not kind and they will immediately reject a guy that seems awkward. My social anxiety guarantees i will be awkward and seen as weird. i also don't see how i can even date even if i wanted too. The damage has been done. I'm damaged goods now. No woman would ever date a guy with social anxiety who hasn't dated in years and years. The inexperience alone will get you rejected. Women want guys who are normal and outgoing , not timid social messes like us with social anxiety.
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First of all, I'm sorry that you're feeling this way. It is such a horrible feeling. I've struggled with social anxiety for a while now and I always wonder how I will ever be in a normal relationship, let alone be wife or a mom one day. I'm hoping maybe someday I'll meet someone who is kinda dealing with the same thing so they're less judgemental and more understanding :/
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I posted earlier about an interview that I was super nervous about, and I did it! I stumbled over my words a little and said some things that didn't make sense, but I'm just so glad that I actually made it through! And whether or not I make it to the next round, I'll be happy (especially since, if I make it, I'll have to do another interview). Right now I'm just trying to focus on the fact that I did this despite my anxiety because I know I'm going to overanalyze everything later lol.
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Congratulations!!!!
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Salutations my socially anxious fam -nnFirst up, I want to say I'm proud of you for trying to be better and for sharing your struggles. Reading about both on this sub has made me want to be better and helped me to feel less alone.nnI've been round the block too many times, and I'm not a kid anymore. I've tried all the medications that are conventionally available, tried CBT & ACT....nothing works and I'm running out of options because I can't live like this - I've already lost 20+ yrs of my life.nnYears ago I read about Oxytocin nasal spray being used for patients with autism and social anxiety. They were running trials in my country but sadly I was outside of the age bracket they wanted. Has anyone tried this? Has it helped at all? I'd love to hear your story if you're okay with sharing.nn​nnThank younn​nnEDIT: Just want to clarify that I'm not talking about the opioid Oxycontin, this is not a typo, I'm talking about Oxytocin. Almost all the same letters, so it's easy to confuse.
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Wait - the company that makes them insists they're less addicting than regular cotton...
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Ive had so many experiences with friends (and even family) where they gravitate towards others and rank me lower than other people in their lives that I think Ive just started to assume people will never like me much. Im going to be going to a town where relatives live and Im too scared to even ask them to stay with them for a night because I just assume they will be annoyed by it...they will probably say yes, but I can just imagine them thinking that they'd rather not have to and being secretly annoyed that Im interrupting their normal daily life. Ive just had so much proof of people being uninterested and unimpressed with me, I dont know how to think otherwise.
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Well, I'm just gonna say they probably will secretly be annoyed that your interrupting their normal daily life, I would be. But I'd still let you stay on my couch and I'd still be happy to see you. That's part of friendships/family, making sacrifices for each other.nnNo one is going to be over joyed to have another person temporarily living in their house but it's not gonna make them hate you, I'm sure they would be happy to help.
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I will have to be homeless or something. I'm really scared of people. I can't imagine myself talking to a stranger. So, I'm unemployed at my 20'snnAlso people always insult me for my hair color. Is there any way I can help myself? Therapy here is useless. Maybe a trick?
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Beta blockers got me through job interviews
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Never tried it, probably never will. I'm scared I'll become addicted lolnnI'm sure it doesn't work for everybody. But what is it like? Is it just like when you're with close friends or family? Just a little bit less anxious? Do you talk more? Dance in front of people? nnAlso I've always wondered how people (SA) say they had a good experience when you're still drunk? Do you remember?
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It makes me more open. I talk a lot more and I'm not as socially anxious. I've never had a hang over or gotten too drunk. I do things and say things I never usually would when I'm not drinking, and it's for the better. I like my drunk self better than my sober self becuase I feel more free I guess. I do worry that I'm annoying when I'm drunk but I've been told that I'm not.
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When are you the most anxious?
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Late afternoon/evening
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I feel like you guys might know what I mean. nnHaving social anxiety, I'm ridiculously quiet at work and keep to myself- but I work in the restaurant industry which is always a very social atmosphere. So I've been getting a lot of coworkers joking about how I'm so quiet. Lately there's been lots of jokes about me being a murderer. “Watch out for the quiet one,” “Don't get on her hit list,” etc. nI try to brush it off but damn I hate being this way. My brain is just frozen at work and besides the regular ‘script' that I use with customers, I can't converse worth a damn. nAnyone else have a good way of dealing with/responding to this type of thing while at work? Thanks!
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look at them in the face and tell them that you don't trust people who talk too much because they can't keep their mouths shut.
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I have severe health anxiety. Last year, during summer, I had become so ill that I was hospitalized, got bloodwork done, urine, stool, colonoscopy, endoscopy, and CT scan done because I claimed to be in so much discomfort. All the tests came back clean. nnMind you, I just turned 25 last month. I have my whole life ahead of me. But my mind spins circles around itself. Over and over, it states, what if that little abnormality in your mouth is cancer (even though I don't smoke or drink)? What if that pain in my stomach is cancer? What if this itchiness is cancer? What if the reason I haven't gotten my period yet is cancer? What if my bone pain is cancer? It just goes on over and over again, it's nonstop, I can't take it much longer.nnI used to be happy. When I was 22/23 I was suffering from anxiety and depression but not as bad as now. I'm a writer, I'm so close to finishing my first book, but I can't bring myself to put pen to paper because of how my mind torments me. I'm always so exhausted and fatigued, and the logical side of my mind is telling me because I'm work myself up so often. nnThing is I'm too scared of killing myself. But right now I'm at the point where I don't mind if I die in a freak accident or in a shooting or whatever. It'd be a mercy. But I'd still feel bad for leaving my parents and bf of 7 years behind, along with my pets (one of which is a snake that I finally got after 10+ years of asking for one). I used to go to therapy but it never really helped and I don't like taking medicine for my anxiety and depression (and PTSD, which I believe I got because my grandma and mother both got cancer out of the blue and my dog of 13 years passed of cancer 2 years ago out of the blue as well). nnI don't even know what I'm asking for, really. I doubt I'll survive long enough to achieve my dreams of being a published writer, a professor/editor, and a reptile collector/breeder. It just gets me more depressed when I think of things I don't think I can ever achieve. I guess I'm just asking for open ears that won't look at me like I'm crazy??
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dude I get that you feel the same way as me and I feel for you, and wish you the best, but you dumping this on me (especially when I have the same exact fears) isn't necessarily making me feel better
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Granted its the last day of the week but I hate that I've already been labeled as quiet in my work area. People engage me less now and seem to pity me. The forced small talk with introductory style questions is no longer possible at this point. Now one must get by with non stop banter and openness and willing to speak to each other 40 hours a week. This is excessive for me. My attempts at small talk become awkward for both parties.
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Oh yeah we all do but of course no one 'works for 8 hours straight, in between people make small talk and bs'. The quieter ones surf the net. It's like a 40/60 ratio that can switch at anytime.
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Is that right?
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Talking down to a worker in customer service is NOT high status. Some folks get off on that but it's because they're miserable assholes. Don't take it personally, it's more a reflection of them.
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I'm in high school and have had SA for a while now. I reluctantly went to a close friends birthday party this weekend just to be a good friend. Initially I was just going to sit for an hour or two, make up a bullshit excuse and leave as usual. As more and more people came my anxiety started to settle in but my friend was quick to introduce me to his friends and it all went up hill from there. Quickly we all started to click and crack jokes, all of us were laughing it was great. By the end of the party I had made a lot of new friends, added them on social media apps, etc. even had my 1st sleep in over who knows how many years. Left his house feeling amazing, a hell of a lot more confident and free-er from my social anxiety. Just wanted to let some people know, I haven't felt so good in a while.nnTL;DR Went to a party, met some cool people, made new friends and now I feel free from my social anxiety.
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sweet! just keep it up :)
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I'm new here and I honestly don't know if I have SA.
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The simple answer is people will not hang out with you if they feel bad for you. Really.
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I have like 2 or 3 and i don't consider them close either,so not sure if that counts.nn(https://www.reddit.com/poll/x40epa)
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I have three human friends though one is my sister and I to play with bugs does that count as friends
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I'm living in a dorm with my roommates. My social anxiety literally cannot let me leave because they're always out in the living room and I don't wanna see them. I've held in my piss for hours and starved and became dehydrated. The only time I feel safe enough to leave is when they're gone. And the worst part is that it's so fucking hot. SO FUCKING HOT. There's no window, no fan, no AC, no air flow, and I've actually passed out a couple times because of it. I knew my anxiety was bad but not this bad. I'm so terrified of leaving my room. I'm fucking trapped in here.
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I'm so sorry you're going through this. I have suffered from severe social anxiety and I can relate to this. It used to take me hours to finally get courage to leave my bedroom when I knew people (roommates, family, visitors, vendors, etc) were in the common areas. It is debilitating. Can I ask what are some reasons you don't want to see them? I ask because for me, it was fear of being judged, asked a question, or of me just acting awkward, and then me thinking about that for the whole day, week, or month....is your situation something like that, or are they being assholes? I wanna help. Reach out, PM me. I was in your shoes, I understand. Reach out.
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Have you ever felt traumatized by where you live? I moved somewhere three years ago and ever since I've been living here I've experienced one horrible event after the next, to the point where I hate going outside and existing in the city itself. It's gotten to the point where I'll have periods where I stay inside my house for days and feel a deep sense of hurt and loneliness whenever I venture into the city, especially to certain parts I've frequented over the years. Has anyone experienced this or gotten over it? I need to stay here for 2 and a half more years to finish my studies but I don't know how I'll do it, I wanna get out so badly.
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i'm sorry. i think i understand how you feel.
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So, I'm 24 years old, and I have never been in a relationship, never been on a date, and generally never even got close to a relationship. And now I do realize that there's loads of people out there that had their first relationship even later than me, but I'm definitely at a point where I'm the odd one out for never having dated among my peers, and that is just really getting to me lately. Not even because I want to keep up with others or because I think that you should be in a relationship at a certain age. But it really ruins my self esteem, because I'm genuinely starting to feel like I'm not attractive or interesting at all to the opposite gender. I'm a pretty introverted guy, so I never really met that many people, which is definitely a big part of the problem. But after Covid I made quite an effort to go out more, talk to people, go to social gatherings, I made a few dating profiles in which I actually put in some effort and what I thought were some decent pictures of me. But none of those things got me closer to actually connecting with people. Even though I had some days where I felt like I had some nice conversations with people, it just never got further than that. I met a few more people I'm friendly with, that seem to enjoy my company enough to invite me to social gatherings and stuff, but even then I have a hard time actually feeling like I'm connecting with anyone. Everybody just seems to be friendly, but there's never anybody showing interest in me or approaching me. I tried taking matters into my own hands a few times and tried to approach people myself, but that also didn't really change anything. A few weeks ago I even asked out a girl that seemed nice, she actually agreed to meet up and sounded quite enthusiastic about it, but told me she didn't have time and would text me when she's free, and then I never heard from her again. Which I'm not even mad about, it's whatever, but it's just further and further giving me this feeling that while people might find me nice enough to hang out with occasionally, it seems like I'm just not interesting enough for people to want to get to know me more closely. And I really don't know how to deal with that anymore. I'm about to give up my adventure of going out more, because it's just really exhausting to me, and honestly, going to social gatherings but still feeling alone in the midst of it all makes me feel way more lonely than spending weeks in my room talking to nobody. I just can't keep this up, because my mental health is really suffering from this. But at the same time, I can't go on like I did before, I'm genuinely lonely and desperately need people I can feel connected to, but it's just too much for me to do what it takes to form these relationships it seems.
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You are welcome man! And yes, take a small break.nLook at yourself and take care of yourself like a loving parent. Work on growing but also keep an eye for your limits and know when it's time to rest. There is nothing wrong with it, you just need it.nI also need my breaks, especially after periods of social activity, I just need to be all alone some time, some days to rest, because for us it is a lot of hard work being in social situations. So it's better to rest rather than burn out.nnYou have the courage to work, maybe a professional could point you to a better
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has anyone ever felt this way before? i just cannot imagine myself in an actual relationship with another person. i can't imagine anyone liking me for who i am. even if someone shows interest me, and i am also interested in them, i know that i can never be in a relationship with this person.
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Focus on what you do and who you are.Become good at it and the confidence will follow.That confidence will attract like minded people.
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So, my sister is in a psych ward. Clearly to her and me, this is not something I want nor does she. I ended up taking Tuesday off work hoping she would be out by then and I just said family emergency. My mother was also pretty unwell, she was having vertigo fits and had just fallen.nnI went in late today, which I mean I was already having a bad day and my anxiety was just through the roof, and then around 330 I got a call saying my sisters doctors want to speak to my family, but they haven't scheduled a time. I need to know for work. I feel like I tried to explain what's been going on to my boss and I just couldn't stop crying and she was like, well... it sucks when you're not here because then other people have to cover for you. nnThat was a massive trigger idk since then I can't stop thinking about how I'm a shit employee, a shit coworker and how I just don't deserve good things. I try to do my job to the best of my ability and I don't want people to have to do my work, but this is important to me. My sister is very important to me. I want to help her. I just don't want to feel like shit for missing work like this.nnI just wanna calm down and not feel like a piece of shit. I want to not cry over something so dumb. I would love to crawl into bed and take a 36 hour depression nap, but I really like this job. I do not know what to do. nnSorry, just needed to vent
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You're not a shit employee, your boss is an insensitive prick. Don't let management brainwash you into thinking they couldn't hire an extra employee if the workload was really that bad. ud83dudc99
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Just met them. They're a nice lad, but they seem to be extremely emotional (more than I have seen anyone is) and sensitive. nnI don't see and use the word “sensitive” in a mocking and oh-you're-weak tone. It's just how it is, only natural. I get it.nnBut I don't. I don't relate to them in things like social anxiety or fears as much or at all, so I'm someone who “wouldn't understand.” nnI thought I was pretty sensitive until I knew them, which was pretty ignorant of me, I guess. I've never been near or talk to someone like them—as in so uncomfortable with me.nnI thought that's all right, we'll hang and be cool in no time. I'll take my time and try to make a relationship here.nnOne thing they told me though: “not too personal questions.”nnI start the conversations, trying to take the wrong paths, and hey things go fine, we talk about the weather and all that. I try to dive deeper into more interesting topics, okay, score. I made it in. I talk and talk, and saw that they were comfortable with topics like death, daily life activities, etc stuff, and so I thought I saw the boundaries. nnThings went fine, but they weren't replying, which discouraged me, but I know they meant no ill will. So I continued, asking questions and questions, but came quickly answers that showed different interests from both of us. Now what can I do? I felt like… I still have to try. Okay, I'll just get to know them. Okay, I'll ask more questions to get to know them suddenly, “I feel like I'm being investigated.” “I'm uncomfortable,” “I don't want to talk about it.” “Can we change the topic?”nnThe first one wasn't a joke. That wasn't a joke - they feel as if they're being kept against their will, having me make unwelcoming inquiries? I felt horrible. All this time, uncomfortable - they were uncomfortable, what do I do? Say I'm sorry? I can't! I'll make them seem at fault. They don't want to talk about it, then what now? What do I do? What do I say? I felt my heart shrink, with fear and panic all over my mind, I should have known better to ask things. I was too insensitive.nnNow I have no idea where their lines are, which I can cross and which I cannot. Will this question be too personal? Too sensitive? Too boring? I have no more topics I can think of. nnI felt as if I have hurt them, having made them feel uncomfortable... What do I do? I don't want to hurt them. nnAll I could think of was to talk about myself. So I did. That was the only boundaries I knew, my own. nnBut now I'm anxious, am I talking too much about myself? Who the hell wants to listen to someone talk about themselves? I don't think they were interested in the first place.nnI'm too scared to go on. Should I stop this? What's the point? This is never going to work. We're never going to be useful as a person to one another anyway, should I tell them that honestly? Time is better wasted on something else, for me and them. nnWe stopped talking for a while. 2 months. nnAfter a few weeks of consistent conversing, factually I've discovered that we're not compatible, at all. Our personalities are alike, but at the same time not. That's a bad thing, by the way. I thought even people with different interests can talk and be friends, but now I doubt it. Our interests, our humor, our thoughts—nothing is a perfect fit. You could say everything I am interested in, they're uncomfortable with. You can imagine how awkward it can be, trying to think of topics; I thought it was easier.nnI'm too afraid to start anything, in fear of rejection and failure of those questions.nnNot sure if this is a bad thing so I tell you: I see them not as weak, but fragile. This is why I adore them very much, despite knowing them not for long. This is why I want to try my best for them, to talk and be there when we need each other. I don't ever want to scare them if that ever happens.nnBut I don't think that's gonna happen. we're too incompatible and different. I don't understand them and neither do they understand me. nnI'm scared of taking a step forward. To even say a thing. “How do I word my sentence..” “Am I being too intimidating?” nnShould I stop this relationship? Am I too careful and should just be natural? Or are they just too uninterested in me to ask me anything? I'll just.. distant myself and continue asking about the weather every time, I guess lmao. nnTl;dr: My friend is extremely uncomfortable with topics I bring up, which are most of my interests, so I don't know how to talk to them without boring them or crossing boundaries. They also feel as if I'm investigating them (no joke). I am heartbroken they feel this way. I am scared I might offend or intimidate them. nnWhat do I do? How do I do better? Tips? nnThis is a vent (so typos) but also seeking advice. Hope I wasn't rude or insensitive.nnHopefully, my friend's not in this Reddit, but if you are, I like you! Don't feel disheartened by this. I just suck at conversing. I like you, and your dogs. Thanks for being one of the best people out there.nnEdit: I might make people more self-aware, but don't be! I understand things like replying little, I do and I know your intention of trying your best and wanting to say more. And that's okay. There are a lot of actions and things i don't understand, so, I would appreciate it if I was told the reason behind things like replying little, and things like that. Maybe just me and some people though.
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This is great advice. Being put on the spot to perform with entertaining responses will burn me out very quickly. My response would be to clam up and minimize contact with this person until I recharge my energy. That sounds like what happened with OP's friend.
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I take part in a sci-fi/fantasy club that does book-club meetups and cinema outings.nnI've made a few friends there, both male and female.nnSome of the ladies try to get me to go out dating and I often use humor as a form of self-defense. Saying things like
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Nothing wrong with being weird dude. So many people are weird, it just makes us interesting. Take a few risks and be open about yourself. You'll find that everyone you get along with is just as weird.
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Hello I'm just wondering if like me there are any gamers here that are nervous about playing online with other people because of the whole talking aspect of it all? Thank you
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Yes, I play WoW mainly just for fun but I used to play competitive Overwatch a lot. I had to stop because I hit a point where I was only going to get better if I used mic more and it was too stressful. Especially because I am a girl tho and everyone in masters seemed to be sexist guys. If you are a guy I would not worry about using a mic tho, ur voice blends in with everyone elses and people dont seem to focus on u as much. have fun :)
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We're all feeling a little down & struggling with mental health going from quarantine to watching the devastating news daily. We're in this together
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Thank you, I have terrible anxiety and ocd. With everything that's going on my anxiety is more heightened and obsessions are stronger.nnThen I feel bad about myself because I'm obsessing over random things. I worry that I haven't done enough to support black people because my mind obsesses over other thoughts, I have done some things liked signed petitions and donated. I've been talking about it with my family and friends too. Everyone is saying to educated yourself which I know is a good thing, but I worry that I am not learning enough.nnWhen this all started I had similar thoughts but it's was about not caring about the corona virus and all the people dying across the world.nnI just wanna be a good person and these thoughts always make me feel so bad because they make me feel like I'm not good enough and they make me feel like a useless, non helpful, and stupid person.
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I'm a casual gamer and I enjoy playing offline single player games so much, just me wandering the game world alone at my own pace. I want to be able to enjoy playing multiplayer the same way but I just couldn't.nnI have a small group of friends (4 people including me) and we play together every Saturday night. Ever since we set up this group, I'm beginning to dread Saturdays haha. When my friend reminds me
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Ya I'm not a multiplayer type gamer either. I like the immersive wandering solo. I think I can count on one hand that I wished a game was multiplayer for a few mins.
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Long story short I have always had the worst social anxiety in the world since as long as I remember and am on the Autism spectrum. As a result, I have don't really have any friends or even leave the house due to my crippling social anxiety. I just got my medical marijana card and ready to treat it, and seeing an anxiety therapist that even recommended it. I do NOT want something that will make me hallucinate or feel paranoid, that's the last thing I want. I just want to feel no inhibition to socialize and communicate as confidently as I do with my mother or sister.
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For me, weed definitely helps in the short term, but it is pretty easy for it to sensitize me to anxiety. It can make stress hit harder when I'm sober, which causes me to turn to it more, which makes the anxiety hit harder, etc. It's an easy feedback loop to fall into. nnnnJust wanted to offer that anecdote in case you weren't experienced!
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Things like
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>my point is only that if they say they've tried a ton and put in effort and have been patient with little result, that perhaps, just maybe, the person didn't fail in that specific case - perhaps the treatment did.nnAfter 10 years of different therapies, going on and off meds, trying tons of different ways to get better, some helpfull (even if only shortterm), some not, I not only agree with this, it really comforts me. It can become so frustrating not being able to move forward no matter what you do, and you start questioning yourself and your own effords constantly. I keep trying though. Thank you for your post and your response.
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Not because you want to make out other peoples secrets but to read in their mind if they actually like you or just do as if they would.nThe last few days were horror for my mind, and can't stop thinking that every of my friends avoids me and I just wish I could read their minds.n(I actually even asked a friend if she was avoiding me and she said no but I still can't get rid of that thought)
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Not exactly, but I always thought it would be the coolest superpower to make everyone you meet instantly like you.
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I've graduated high school a month ago and now I'm under much more pressure than I'd expect. I should find some summer job before college, open bank account and make a driving license, but I've just failed second exam for license. I feel like I'm absolutely useless because of stress I can't overcome. The worst thing is that my parents pay for these exams and basically for everything and I feel like a parasite because I can't do anything to pay them back, I'm just so sorry for them. I wish I could just find job or pass exam without any interaction with other people.
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Try and applying for hospital jobs or food serving places also you're good I failed my drivers test 6 times finally passed
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wish me luck guys
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I wish you luck, and good day sir/madam
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From reading the many posts here, I can tell everyone is trying hard to manage anxiety and depression. And many do an amazing job! Among all the challenges, barriers and limitation that come with anxiety and depression, what really is the absolutely hardest par of managing these conditions? Anyone willing to share?
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> Honestly I've tried a few things: counselling, medication, exercise, mindfulness. A few things worked short term but then stopped working after a while. I'm hoping longer term counselling (what was offered on the NHS was just insufficient tbh) will help if I'm ever in a position to have the time and money to do it.nnThank you so much for explaining! And interesting to learn that counselling, medication, exercise and mindfulness only worked short term. How is the longer term counselling you wish to get different from what was offered to you on the NHS? Btw. I really hope counselling will some day soon be free of charge to anyone in need...
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I think I am having an identity/personality crisis. nnSo much has changed for me over the past few years. I moved out of an abusive family household and moved in with my lovely boyfriend and his mum. My boyfriend and I then moved out of his mums house and into a house of our own. We got a dog who is wonderful. I'm also going to university now, which is quite a big life step. nnI've always felt like I change myself/my personality to fit the people around me. For example, my dad loves animals and runs a pet shop so, when I was a kid and living with him, I loved animals and worked at the pet shop too. My boyfriend loves video games so now, living with him, I also love video games. It's kind of hard to describe but I hope those examples help explain it. nnI've had severe depression and anxiety for most of my life, I am on medication to help manage it but I am aware that these may be factors in how I'm feeling. nnI'm not really sure how to figure myself out. I was going to go and stay in a hotel for a few days so I could be alone and just think about everything but I don't have enough money to do that. So I was hoping someone would have some advice on what to do instead. I wouldn't ask this unless I was desperate so I'm sorry if this comes off as rude or if it's not allowed but if anyone is feeling incredibly kind, I wouldn't say no to any kind of monetary donation so I could stay in a hotel.nnI don't know if this is necessary but I'm in the UK and on mobile.
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20
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Does anyone else get this feeling
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Yes and it will! I moved to another country for University and it improved my social anxiety slightly because it was like starting off a clean slate. Nobody knows who you are, so you can mold yourself to appear exactly the way you want people to see you. Just that in itself gave me a bit of confidence.
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I started my first job ever, three months ago. And I've cried in the bathroom more than I would like to admit. Everytime I make a mistake my mind starts rushing. “Ur so stupid” “u cant do anything right” “u should just quit because u cant even do ur job right” “ur so worthless how can u live if u cant work?” “U should just die” and I start crying and crying. Idk if this is normal is it me? Is it the job? Should I try something else idk I've had these questions since I started. This is just so embarrassing. Sometimes my coworkers see me cry too so yeah.
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You will be better, just give it some time.
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God fucking damn it, I'm so awkward I feel physically illnnFirst I went to my college because I needed to deliver some papers, I had to wait in line for like two hours and I was anxious the whole time, when it was finally my turn I had a few awkward moments with the girl that attended me but nothing too bad. The good thing is I had the courage to exchange a few word with a girl in the line that was waiting in front of me, a few minutes later she left though, but I think it was because she had to do something, not because of me and my awkwardnessnnThen after that I went to some tech stores to see if I could sell a brand new cell phone I had laying around and again, a few awkward moments here and there but nothing too big, and in the end I was able to sell it and come home with a few extra bucksnnEven though I did pretty good I still felt really bad the whole time, and the worst part about this is that for some reason I thought I was getting better at socializing, maybe because of my age (I'm 20), but this hit me like a punch in the face. The fact that I feel and act like some alien who is trying to fit in amongst humans makes me feel like shit, not because I won't ever make a connection with anyone, I don't really care about that, but the fact that everyone looks at me weird when I talk to them and I get anxious for no reason, it fucking pisses me off and depresses me a lot. It's like I'm destined to be that one really weird and serious guy in the crowd and it'll never change, and what the fuck am I supposed to do about it anyway? I'm not funny or pleasant to talk to, it simply isn't in me to be like thatnnAnd now I'm trying to sleep after being awake for 23 hours but I can't because these thoughts refuse to leave me alone
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Spoken like a slave
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Any advice?
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Oh hey, I'm also a newly admitted freshman. I tried to power through and joined some clubs that I'm interested in. This is probably useless advice but seriously, just be yourself and side note, your seniors could be nicer than you think.
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What can you suggest
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Another thing is to try out different hobbies or sports. Other people who do the same thing will often start speaking to you about the hobby or sport.nnWhen i cycle or run outside other people who do the same sport will often try to connect with eye contact or a wave. If we are stopped in the same place another person who does the same sport will often look to connect by talking about something relating to the sport. Clothing or things about the bicycle are usually where the conversation goes first and it doesnt mean i need good expensive things. I dont need to know about the things i do either.nnHaving a hobby opens up that world of whatever where going to related places will see people talking to you about anything visible. If a person likes cosplay and goes to an event in regular clothes the topic conversely would be about the lack of an outfit.
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All the things I've done or I've haven't brought me here… Life won, I lost…. I just had to get it off my chest.
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If it's feel like you lost and life wins, then I wanna say it's for this round. You can win next one. But I like to think about life more like a path, A path in mountain forest (cus i like mountains and forests). Life path can have a beautiful view or sometimes can have cracks on it. Sometimes it can lead you to a cliff or a flower field, maybe a beach. It's how you wanna look at it. If you think it's like a boxing match, there is winners and losers but if you look at it more wide perspective I think you can find ways to feel better.nnAnd no, believe me you're not alone to feel like this.
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I have a
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What did the the five fingers say to the face? SLAP! But really this person just sounds like a bitch, you are better off without her being your true friend anyway OP
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He thinks like me and talks like me and we're not nervous around eachother. We like the same music and juat kinda want to live. I hope I don't screw this up.
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This is absolutely amazing to hear, I hope I can make a friend one day. It appears that you may be slowly breaking out of your shell, well done and good luck. :)
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feeling normal is hard
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Being awkward and anxious is not bad in reality, people don't really care if you are nice and gentle with them no one will ever hate you for it, but it's true it can be hard to develop deep friendships if you are always anxious (it's my case!)nnBut just keep in mind that you don't need to be anything more, or to be spectacular to have the right to exist.
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It's always so awkward, I put a lot of effort to think about something to say but I end up being like an interviewer, sometimes I try to say my opinion or what I think but It seems like people don't care. And when I'm asked, I forget obvious things and end up not giving the answer they want. nAny thoughts are welcome and thanks
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As far as I can remember (I'm 16), I haven't been able to initiate or maintain eye contact with anyone except immediate family and two or three very close friends. This has made countless social encounters a pain to get through and more than a few people believe I'm disrespecting them. I don't know how to fix this though - whenever I look into (?? weird phrasing) someone's eyes I feel weirdly exposed and begin getting nauseous. I'm sorry for the run-on post but has this happened to anyone else and have you been able to get over it?
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Same--I turn away from people's eyes like they're the sun or something. One of the things that makes me feel like eye contact is exposing me is bc of how your pupils dilate when looking at someone you love... as if anyone were actually paying attention to my pupils lol
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For context I haven't had friends since COVID happened. I was actually fine with it and for the first year or so I felt free/ happy. Lonely from time to time but for the most part I became used to being my own company. Anyways flash forward to now and I'm actually going batshit insane. nnIt's starting to sink in that I literally have no one. I had nothing to do today and went out to dinner by myself .. it was depressing. Not fun at all. I'm just feeling really down and I am getting sick of having no friends. I actually get excited when people talk to me even if it's the delivery guy which is unlike me.nnAt work I make up stories about how I went out on the weekend with friends (they literally always ask how my weekend was). Also I have tried making friends at work but it's complicated.. where I work most of the people are quite a bit older than I am with families/kids. Anyways, it's just not fun anymore. If this is my life for the next 80 years what's the point. I have done everything alone for like the last 2 years and I've just had enough. nnI even signed up for a dance class but it doesn't start until August. Seriously to those who have no friends, what do you do?
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I listen to old art Bell radio shows, and I listen to the ham radio guys on my shortwave radio. I could transmit and talk on the air, but I never have the guts. exercise every day. buy a dog.
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As in, the most likely to trigger one's anxiety
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Any job that requires social interaction. Sales, cashier, waiter, customer service.
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Sorry if there's been any similar posts recently, but I kind of just want to vent. It's been bothering me for years that the vicious cycle is hindering me so much. I don't have friends and hence strengthens my SA by having less confidence than my peers and hence my little confidence, I can't seem to be social/outgoing, etc. nnWhen I hang out with acquaintances I don't feel 100% comfortable around, if they start telling me stories of their friends or make it evident (without mal intention) that they have a good social life, I feel so inferior to them. I feel this way because they can achieve that social status and I can't. And when I start feeling inferior around someone, I can't help but clam up and never know what to say. And when I try to speak I get tongue tied or just give off an awkward vibe and it sucks so much :/ nnAnyone else relate to this? At this point I don't care who I befriend, I just need friends to some degree to make me feel less isolated and practice my social skills a little more. No 21 year old she be dealing with this crap man.
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Are you a vegan ?
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I just found out I'm 6 weeks pregnant. While my partner and I are excited, I am worried because I've been on sertraline for about 2 years now and I worry about being on it while I'm pregnant. I'm hoping I can get off it slowly before my 3rd trimester. Has anybody experienced this and how did you deal with it??
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Congratulations on your pregnancy.nnn1 - SSRI such as Sertraline do have risks in pregnancy, but these are lower than for example anti-epilepsy medications. The NHS website (for example) confirms that it is considered safe. Sertraline is the go to anti depressant medication when breastfeeding. nn2 - When I took it everyone was oh no, my OBGYN was ‘whatever, I look after women who need to take much riskier medication'.nn3 - The stress to you and your baby from not having your depression and anxiety under control could be much worse than any potential side effects. There is also a link between pre natal and post natal (partum) depression. This is something your OBGYN needs to discuss with you, because they are best at knowing your personal needs.nn4 my personal rant right now. No one (intelligent) says to a diabetic ‘why don't you stop taking insulin, surely your body can make it again after a couple of years of injections? So why do mental health conditions get seen and something temporary that you have to recover from to have any form of quality of life. Once I accepted that this wasn't something I had to get over but a long term condition to manage and live with, guess what? It was so much easier to cope and live my life to the best.
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