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I never seem to be able to verbalize my needs, it's like the words feel heavy on my chest but I can't talk, I've been told to “just say it” but it feels physically impossible, i don't know how to change that about myself do any of you struggle with that? how do you help it?
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i feel like journaling has helped me overthink less, I'm still working on verbalizing my feelings tho
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I went to a small gathering last night with a few friends at a bar and was interacting with a woman. I felt confident and composed and happy to be socializing. But towards the end of the night this woman told me that
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Don't worry about it. Imagine you had no type of social anxiety. People will still say all types of crap to you. Some of it will be malicious and some of it will just be innocuous. Keep on trucking.
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I was at a job meeting and when it was my turn to speak I started blushing and feeling out of breath... took me like 10 minutes to control myself, then I was normal again. But I feel so ashamed when people look at me when I go through those episodes ;( nDo you have any tip ? Please
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My first tip is to eat a breakfast and exercise regularly. What you should do before a social situation is try to do something important to you, so you dont have as much anticipatory anxiety. When you get anxiety, accept your level of anxiety and don't fight back. Fighting back anxiety
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I took the day off work today for mental health. I have the sick time and I figured I'd use it or lose it. As soon as my wife got up I felt the need to explain it to her and ask if it was ok. I do that a lot. I feel better about my decisions if they are approved by someone else. Is this familiar to anyone else?
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Yes I feel this completely. And it's not good enough for somebody just to say
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I've been struggling with social anxiety for most of my life (I'm 21). I was just wondering how others have learned to cope with it. nnAny tips or tricks?
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Cope wasn't really the word I was looking for.. but I couldn't think of another way to reword the question.
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Blue Sky. Sunshine. The wind, the birds, the sounds, the smells and the feelings of spring that are close. nnThe moments of stepping away from what is known, may sometimes push our comfort zones & make us feel uncomfortable. Push through. nnThe change comes from inside, the change takes time from learned experiences, from pain, trauma, joy, sunshine, and time. nnOn the journey of life, change will constantly happen to us. Change is the **sole** thing that we will continue to have to face, welcome in and be comfortable with the uncomfortable feelings. nnKeep pushing. Keep doing your best.nn**I love you.**nnDrey <3
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I desperately needed this today, thank you so much for this post.
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I can't stand just sitting in my house anymore. I'm lucky enough to work 9 hours out of the day but I need something to look forward to when i get off work. About 90% of my social interaction is purely online now. I have a small group of
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local parks if you have any! nice place to get your bearings but also enjoy the scenery. a lot of times they're not too busy either if you go at the right time!
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I'm almost done with my semester at school.(F25) I'm currently full time so I'm not working. I'll be taking one class during the summer so I want to go back to work (laid off due to covid) I just don't know where to start. I have bad anxiety when it comes to socializing or having a regular job. I would hate to work at a register or somewhere where human interaction is required. Ive always wanted a job where I can help someone in need one on one or something that doesn't require me to talk to over 20 people a day. That really drains me. I've been looking into mental counselor or working at a nursing home. I tend to feel my best around older people. I guess I'm seeking advice here can anyone give me some ideas??? I'm broke and need a job. nThank you in advance
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Lol lucky you
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I would imagine the majority of those who suffer with Social Anxiety are introverted but I'm curious if there is any correlation with the MBTI type. nnSince there is no poll option I'm going to comment the types and you can just like the comment if it's your type. nnI'll also place a link to the free test if you don't already know your type.nnhttps://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test
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Intp
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Next challenge: Go to a supervisor and complain n
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You must be a server
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This has always been hard for me and I blame it on my social anxiety. I dread going to see the same people everyday. It seems like everyone else can manage it easier because they aren't always nervous and uncomfortable.
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I had this everyday. I worked as a nurse at the hospital until it made me go burn out. After the burn out I “healed” from my social anxiety. But since then its been hard for me to go to work. So I decided to find a job that fits more to an introverted person.
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So at my age we can finally drink alcohol. Hurray. Alcohol has become the source of all fun anywhere: You can't enjoy going to a bar, club, or a party without alcohol. It's just not
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Yeah it sucks, as I said if you don't drink you're an asshole and if you do drink you're a man, you're cool, you're part of the group. Like, why the hell does a drink determine if I'm
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I always get super uncomfortable making phone calls or talking irl, only texting is fine for me. Showing my face/body or letting people besides fam and friends hear my voice in any way is just super hard for me. Anyone have tips on how to overcome this?
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Hey I'm sorry to hear about your troubles.nnI have been dealing with that for quite a long time too but it's much better lately. And this is how I managed to make it better.nnI see from your comment that you are dealing with overweight and I am too. I don't think that that was the only problem but it surely was one of the biggest problems. I just wasn't comfortable with my own body and It showed. Lack of confidence, anxiety, depression even for a while. So I decided to work on it.nnMy main point is start working on yourself, I am still far away from my ideal body but just working on it and losing weight, being disciplined by following diet has done wonders for me. I started respecting me more which led to more confidence and overall happiness.nBetter at talking and less shy overall.nnBut it doesn't necessarily need to be weight, just start working on whatever you feel you will like. Only mentioned weight because I saw your comment (and it's my problem).nnAnd don't be harsh on yourself. If let's say you started a diet and can't eat chocolate for example. But you still eat it one day, don't lose faith no one is perfect just get over it quickly and continue moving forward.nnIf you have any more questions I'll be glad to help.
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Looking for some positive or negative experiences, I'm hoping this is “the one”
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Currently been on it for around 6-7 weeks, drastically helped my social anxiety. I no longer go bright red and start sweating whenever I talk to someone I don't know. My social anxiety is still there but it's very subtle now whereas before it was pretty severe
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Hi, everyone.nnI've been experiencing some terrible, crippling anxiety the last months. I have insomnia, anxiety attacks, digestive problems and constant trembling. I spend days thinking about only one thing, and my thoughts seem to be uncontrollable. My family has a record of clinic depression, and starting college in the other side of the world doesn't help either. I miss my family a lot, and I feel isolated and lonely. nnMy psychologist suggested me to go to a psychiatrist in order to get medication for anxiety, and maybe antidepressants. nnI'm studying abroad in a university my family can't afford. I simply CAN'T lower my academic performance. Likewise, I am aware university and my GPA are a huge part of my anxiety, but it's the only thing I have. I'm really scared of getting the meds and then lowering my academic performance, which would depress me even worse than I am already. My University doesn't have any policies regarding mental-health issues, so they will not be flexible because pf a diagnosis.nnPeople who take anxiety meds or antidepressants, will it lower my academic performance?
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Probably. Most likely for the better. Being overstressed and feeling bad about life can really muddy up your cognition.nnGetting a genesight test is a good idea, so you don't spend so much time getting on and off meds that don't work for you.
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I had a panic attack for the first time and it was the scariest thing I have ever experienced. I thought I was going to die, could not breath and ended up puking on myself.nnAfterwards, I was the most exhausted I have ever felt in my life. nnKnowing what my mind and body are capable of doing to itself, I almost feel scared of my own mind (as dramatic as that sounds). It was a week ago and I'm nervous I won't feel “normal” again.nnCan anyone relate to how they “got over” their first panic attack?
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Thanks! Thankfully I do have a support system. My partner was with me when it happened and as scary as it was for them as well, they were really helpful
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I'm a 16 year old male studying in school but there is too much stress from work, studies and business at home and my girlfriend (who I have been with for the past 2 years) cheated on me, I found out this morning after my friend had seen her kissing and holding hands with another man, I was completely heartbroken and devastated and I've had too many mental breakdowns and I always argue with my so called
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There is so much to attending school than girls my man. Try social clubs with people who have similar interests. And they look good on a transcript. You what can't go on a transcript, Miranda.
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Hey guysnI dont know if this is the right place to write this. Sorry if I am disturbing someone.nnI don't have a single friend. Nobody really cares for me. Nobody says
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I was pretty similar in my teens/early twenties. I had a couple of superficial
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So, I had been interested in this stuff for a long time as it sounded like the perfect treatment/aid for SA. I've actually had it here for a long time too but didn't give it a proper chance after reading about how some people were using it recreationally. After ~7 years of psych meds, I'm wary of taking things that might alter the mind state too much or come with a bunch of nasty side effects. Every time I had tried to use it in the past, I guess I was taking too little and so was getting no results. Yesterday though I said
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nNo. It causes dependency. check out r/quittingphenibut
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How come every time a good opportunity to make decent money something happens that messes it up? It's not just financial opportunities, it's all really good ones. I'm not doing anything to screw them up. Things happen and I swear I'm cursed for life. Am I not supposed to be alive? Should I have never been born? Is there no place for me in this world? I'm sick of always being overlooked, unwanted and stuck at the bottom of the totem pole. It seems like no matter how hard I work to get ahead it never seems to make a difference. I'm tired of the constant struggle and battle just to barely make it through every day life. I have no mental issues stopping me from doing what I want to do in life so why can't I get ahead?? Should I start lying, cheating and stealing? I see other people selling each other out and stomping on each other and they get anything they want. Life isn't supposed to be this way. I do the right thing and it blows up in my face every time so I am forced to settle for less than what I deserve. If this is how the rest of my life is going to go then I'm ready to throw in the towel because I shouldn't have to live like this.
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What have you done to change it. I'm not talking about your life. I'm talking about thee way you react to crappy circumstances?
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So I might get a haircut soon but I don't know what to say. Last time I just said
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1 on the side, scissor cut on top. I sometimes show them a photo of a haircut I like, works good either way for me. nnHowever, I would like to find a regular barber that can cut my hair every time, I usually just settle for whoever is available right now.
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Hey guys. I'm a long term lurker on this sub and I was looking for some advice. I'm 18 and I deal with social anxiety and performance anxiety. I recently asked this wonderful girl to homecoming and I'm nervous. First of all, I have a difficult time talking to this girl. We get along, but sometimes our conversation run to a dead end. I'm not sure how I can keep it interesting between the two of us. I want to be able to talk to her like I can with my other friends but that seems difficult to me. I find myself getting anxious around her and im not exactly sure why. Secondly, I am not sure how to dance. I tend to stray away from dancing because I get very self conscious. I have a hard time expressing myself through movement. My dilemma is, is that I really want to have a good time with this girl but I feel like my anxiety will get in the way of that. My question is, how do I dance at homecoming without making a fool out of myself? Any advice would be great. Thank you for reading.
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You can do one of the following:nn- Watch a video on how to dancenn- Ask a friend or relative who is good at dancingnn- Take a class on how to dancennDancing is about technique. Treat it like you would any other learned skill and not just a social thing. Most girls don't have a clue on how to dance, you just have to be decent at it and she will follow your lead, if she sucks at it you'll be the gentleman keeping the lead looking like a pimp.
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Toxic people find us because we validate their positions. And then get overly passive aggressive when we point out their flaw. Forcing us into a negative feedback loop. They win. nnState your position and why you think they are in the wrong. Walk away. Do something good for someone else. Feel better.nnYou'll wanna sulk and probably even apologize because change scares you. But you owe it to them to be a real person with your own ideals. nnI know it seems like you can't escape, but don't be their echo chamber of hate. You're better than that.
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What's weird is I can't remember a time when I wasn't like that. As early as kindergarten I remember just wanting to fit in and thought the outspoken kids were cool. Like I was born as an observer, not an actual player.
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I'm in my third year at college. I have lots of group assignments to do. And my teachers really like to ask students to answer their questions. But I can't even think clearly in class because there're too many people and noise in the room.It has got to the point where I start having anxiety attacks before class. nI really really really hate myself. Why can't I just do these simple things like others? Why am I so broken?
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Feel the same way... medication really helped, do you have some prescribed?
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Title
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This is so cute! I would say yes
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Can you believe it, we are three Saturday's into the year already! What have I done with those three weeks? I'm not even sure right now.nnAnyway, you guys know the drill, how's your week been? What's been the highlights? What's not been so good? And how many of you have broken all of your new years resolutions already?nnMine was to spend six weeks to myself, so no wondering if the girl on the bus likes me, or perhaps the informational poster behind me, no worrying about if people think I'm odd.nnAnd it's going well. I just worry about other things instead ud83dude02
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least you have a ring for your next girlfriend
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I'm an adult, and I feel like no one understands this not even my counselor but I don't like having friends. She and all of society tells me that friends are a huge part of life. However, for me, I get extremely anxious around others. I don't have fun hanging out with anyone, in fact, it's the complete opposite, I feel miserable around others. If I'm going to a social event, the whole day leading up to it I feel sick to my stomach. While hanging out with others, I feel so stupid. I feel like everyone hates me and I'm not completely wrong because I don't give them much to like. I'm not entertaining, easy going, or conversational. After, I feel regretful, like I wasted my time and just looked stupid. Especially since I work a lot, I take my time off very seriously. Anyway, if social interactions make me feel this bad, then why is it so important that I do it? Even in the past when I have taken the time and effort to have someone in my life, they have all betrayed me or hurt me. Lastly, I have a husband and 6 siblings. I'm a teacher and talk ALL day to my 80 students. I'm not lonely. I just wish it was ok to not have friends.
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Your feelings are valid. If you feel happy in your life then that's all you need. Don't worry about what other people say to you.
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I dont feel like it. I dont want to say hi. I dont want to say bye. People drain me. The only thing that helps is weed. Maybe weed is worsening it when im sober.
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Same
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Like not opening up much, not sharing much beyond surface level, etc. nnHas it ever happened where you felt like you lost a friend or pushed someone away because of it?
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i have done that my whole life. i find it really difficult to open myself and have anything other than a surface level friendship. It is a combination of feeling like i dont have anything interesting to say/ feeling like no one would understand.nnthankfully i can speak openly online.
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nhttps://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/kentucky-man-sues-employer-for-throwing-him-birthday-party-and-now-they-owe-him-450k/ar-AAWeA3T?ocid=mmx&PC=EMMX01#comments#
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The original headline is kinda misleading. Makes people think he's suing the company just for the birthday party. But the fact they condemned him for having anxiety over something he clearly didn't want and then fired him makes me side with the employee more. His job was literally inconsiderate of a small, simple demand and then punished him for it. nnI will say suing for $450k is a bit much though, despite the underserved firing.
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Maybe I'm depressed too. I don't go out of the house mainly because I don't have any friends. I figure I'll probably just disturb them if I invite them somewhere. And I'm a little mad at my cousins. They just live downstairs but they went out last night and went to hang out yesterday and they didn't even invite me. It sucks. sigh
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I'm trying..
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When you're talking to someone else, can you pick up on them being anxious as well?
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How do you interact with someone else who has anixety?
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Can someone help me ? :(
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I realise asking you to dm me doesn't exactly fit given the nature of this sub. But I don't want to cross into your space without you wanting it. nAt least upvote my comment so I know you want me to reach out.
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Whenever someone hits on me in real life (not online), I either become enraged or feel so ashamed of myself that I apologize to them or straight-up cry. Does anyone else experience this?
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No you didn't upset me. I'm just saying it how it is.
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It probably seems so ridiculous, but I've always dreaded going to stores and so the few times I've done so, I've paid with cash. nnYesterday however, I decided to try something different, because I'll have to some day anyway. So I paid with Apple Pay, and it worked great! nnStill haven't paid with a card, which still seems scary (like you gotta put it in and put your code and ugh…)nnAnyway, it's a small step forward so
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Which third world country do you live in where you don't have NFC in your creditcards?
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Dammit friends. I just finished a tattoo session. The piece looks great, the artist was great. Everything was fine! And then when we were done, we were saying our goodbyes and my dumbass says
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Haha you caught me thanks
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I have recently stopped taking celexa at 10mg to change to Zoloft. I took Zoloft for 3 days and decided I was just gonna stop taking antidepressants all together. I stopped on March 8th and have been having really bad violent nightmares. Did anyone else experience this as a withdrawal symptom? Also feel tired
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Well, I barely remember dreams in vivid detail. I can say as someone who's had ome of the most unorthodox anxitey recoveries and part of that was cold turkying my medication after taking it for 3 years, that violent dreams aren't so far away from a withdrawal symptom. I never got violent dreams but then again I barley remember my dreams so I can only speculate. I got mood swings, serious fatigue, migraines, basically insomnia, and nausea. The nausea was related to my anxitey mostly and the whole chemical reaction of emotions and stomach acids which is a complete different topic on that. I don't reccomend, cold turkeying, it took a lot of willpower and serious motivation to get through a lot of that, and everyone's conditions different so if you're gonna continue cold turkey, I wish you the best and give you encouragement to tough it out but I always reccomend gradually coming off of your medication, much safer and the load is a lot lighter. If I were to describe it best, cold turkey is opening the flood gates and taking the tsunami on. Gradual decrease is like riding the waves one after the other, but like I said I dont know your condition or diagnosis so I cant say much than that. Good luck and stay safe, hope this helps.
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Externally, I'm a very nice person, I try to help people, I never talk shit behind someone's back, etc, but earlier I was analyzing my thoughts and I realized that I am non-stop shit talking literally every single person that walks by me, drives by me, or just exists within my vision for longer than a second. I don't even do it consciously, it's the first thought that comes to my mind. Whenever I see anyone my inner monologue is like,
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Take all my nonexistent awards lmao
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I live with my mom, work part time (work reduced my hours), am taking one class at a local college (all I could pay for this semester I have about a year and a half of full time classes left before I can get my degree), and am applying for more part time work at other places. I live in Cleveland, so the rent is super high but still not cheap. I pay my mom 500 a month but that is it. nnMy mom doesn't work herself but does get alimony from her ex, my father (they split up 10 years ago, and we are pretty estranged), and her parents (my grandparents, who I am also not close to because they are devout Jehovah witnesses) pay for her/our rent. The $500 I pay actually covers rent for this big store front-turned-storage-unit with a bunch of stuff from our old house that my mom intends to sell but it's been many many years (10+).nnI also obviously pay for any personal things like my clothes/money to go out. I also paid my tuition for one class at a local college. she still pays for my groceries and phone. I'm so embarrassed. nnShe doesn't want me to move out because she says I'm incapable of functioning and I'm trying to prove both of us wrong. I do housework, try to clean up after both of us, help her whenever I can, but I'm still basically a child and I hate myself for being so behind. nnI'm grateful, don't get me wrong, but I'm incredibly ashamed of what it says about me that I am where I am in life.nnWhat am I doing wrong? Should I quit school? Should I just try to find better/more work? Or is it stupid to work shitty jobs without a degree. Should I get independence or a degree first?
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I'm 23 and feel the same way
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For years now I've been depressed, a lot of my depression dealing with the fact that I'm lonely, but I'm absolutely terrified of people and can't make any real connections. I long to have deep friendships with people and to have friends who truly care about me, but I can't make them. It's a really awful cycle, and has resulted in me constantly maladaptive daydreaming about being friends with celebrities/you tubers/streamers (I really envy a lot of their close relationships). How do I end this? Does anyone else relate?
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I can very much relate to the painful loneliness and fear of - or in many cases, frustration with - other people, though my maladaptive daydreaming manifests more as writing about characters who have connections between each other; the idea that I'm incapable of connection myself is so strong that I don't even bother giving myself any presence in these imagined interactions at all. It hurts, also, to see famous people - or even fictional characters - with their strong bonds, knowing I just don't have that and at this point probably never will.nnI don't have anything worthwhile to say about how to end it, unfortunately. My main issue is that I just don't even encounter people I could potentially connect with, so the barrier is more circumstance than just social anxiety. Though I suppose you could say the social anxiety is what's led me to being so isolated in the first place, because that's true.
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A friend directly told me he doesn't click with me enough to hang in person and spoke about his anxiety issues, and said how selective he is with people he wants to hang out with. But he's also active on social media, has that outgoing personality based on his posts, makes tons of posts acknowledging friends, and has a job that requires him to speak and be with a lot of people that he doesn't appear to have an issue with. nnHe engages in conversation with me when we are talking on social media, usually Insta or WhatsApp, but I'm like 95% initiating first and anything other than DMing he won't do. I told him I don't expect to non stop talk as I enjoy the company (I have mild anxiety myself and always appreciate breaks too) and he got upset because he felt I was trying to push too much. So I respected it, but it's frustrating. Am I being played? Or is this a real thing? Also for what it's worth, at times he'll say he will get back to me and he doesn't, but when I check in on him he thanks me for reminding him as his mind goes blank. I've always been told u201cif they wanted to, they wouldu201d and it felt weird when I was told he needed reminders.nn I care about this friend a lot as I honestly don't really have a lot of friends myself, and feel crappy for being myself if it's going nowhere. So that's why I've been upset and trying to see if it's worth keeping in the end. I do love DMing, but I also enjoy in person company.
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It depends on why they don't and if they want one at all I think
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I've seen a therapist every since I was a young child I am 40 years old now. It won't help because it's not me it's other people just don't like me. I will always be alone with no friends because people won't give me a chance and create drama out of jealousy. I don't think no amount of therapy can help with bullying and being left out. Forgiving people is not easy especially if you run into them once in a while and you don't ever want to see them again.
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wait... you visiting a therapist since you were a child? Did all the therapists you have seen told you to 'forgive'?
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I've never met anyone else with social anxiety or anything close to it, literally everyone seems to be very socially comfortable and most people aren't even shy. I've had therapists and other people tell me that
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Exactly, so much for the people out there that are
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Hi everyone, After trying 2 SSRIs and getting horribly sick to my stomach on both (dry heaves, couldn't eat, actually went to er, lost a bunch of weight from not eating)... I'm thinking my body has an intolerance to that class of drugs. And possibly SNRIs as well, as they work similarly with serotonin.nnDoes anyone have an experience with a drug that doesn't cause nausea? My psych has mentioned wellbutrin and remeron. I looked up wellbutrin and one of the side effects listed is nausea/vomiting, so I'm kind of iffy on that one. Remeron looks more promising since it's sometimes used to prevent vomiting, but it also seems like I'd gain a ton of weight if I go with that one.nnAnybody have thoughts on those 2 drugs or other ideas for drugs that might sit in my system better? So far, the ONLY remedy that has helped me for my depression and anxiety has been my .25 mg xanax that I take as needed. It calms me down and no side effects whatsoever! Ugh... wish I could just stay on that long term!
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I mean how long have you been taking it?
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EDIT 8/6/2020:nnI'm still alive, for now. I spent a good three of four hours last night when I posted this trying to figure out what to do, going from crying, to just lying there, to reading messages and comments I got, all while holding a razor blade and sitting/laying down in my basement shower. Thanks to all the love and support I got, I decided to live through at least one more day and continue to contemplate all of my options. I got through one more day, so at least there's that I guess. I'm not completely sold on living, but for now I'm alive. Thank you for everyone who responded. I'll see how things gonnnu2014u2014nnn8/5/2020 nToday is my suicide date. I made a promise to myself to make myself do it no matter how hard it was. My plan is to wait until all my family is asleep. nnI don't want to do it, but I don't see any other choice. I've heard a lot of emotions can also be physical, but I never completely understood how it felt. Now I do. Now I can physically feel the terror in myself, knowing I'm going to die. I can't wake up another day and keep going. All I do is waste my life away watching shows and playing games. I have no energy for anything else. I've failed my dual-enrollment classes.nnI feel like I've failed everyone. I've mutilated my body, wasted my days doing nothing, and just keep making mistakes at every turn. I'm damaged goods. nnI feel sick. I feel like I'm gonna throw up, and I'm shaking. I hate myself so much. I can't keep living. Please what other option do I have?nnPleasennI feel like even if I don't do it tonight, I'll end up doing it tomorrow, or by the end of the week.
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Im so glad you're still here. There are so many people who are so happy you're still here. Keep going and keep fighting. Take it one day at a time, or even just one minute at a time. Whatever you need to do to keep going and find the help you need.nnIf you need to talk to someone, my inbox is always open. Sending you internet hugs.
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I'm so done with social anxiety, everytime i have something important it ruin it for me i lost many job oportunities because of it, it's destroying me and from another hand i'm now kinda depressed like idk if i'm depressed or not but i'm not leaving my home litteraly i have no job i'm just staying and watching social media 24/7 i'm 23 yo idk what to do with my life, idk which career i want, idk my purpose in life i'm so lost, i can't describe my feelings i'm not happy but not sad either, i'm neutral, i'm just being at this point, nothing work for me. I want to do lot of things but idk from where to start and what to do, i already graduated but my major is litteraly useless there is no job oportunities, idk if i should start from zero and study something else or what, so much going on my mind, my ideas aren't coherent, i'm just talking nonesens now, i'm saying whatever popped in my mind, idk how to get out of this situation how to get rid of shyness, social anxiety, depression, how to figure out what to do with my life, i've been always the kind of persones who plan for everything but right now litteraly i have zero plans, idk what to for the next move, I really want to change and be confident and finacially stable but i dont have a plan for it to happen, like my ideas are stoping me and i feel like my mental health is at its lowest right now, there is something i suffer from it's alexithymia which it's a mental case when the person can't describe his feelings and can't tell what he feels like, well, i've always been like that but i tought i was just born like that but now it's begun to annoy me how i don't know how i'm feeling , sorry i talked too much and all what i said was incoherent but i just don't know anything right now i just felt the need to let it out because it's killing me everyday, i really have the urge to change,but i just don't know the way, how do i heal myself and so i can process in my life like normal people, i tried to remember if there is any childhood traumas that caused me to be like this, but as long as i can remember, my childhood was normal, my parents were loving , i didn't have anything terrible happened to me, i remember that since always i was like this, shy with low self esteem and always feeling that i'm less than others since a kid i was like that, idk what made me like that as a kid. Anyways i'm just here to vent , if you make it till here thank you so much for listening, and advices are much apreciated, for people who would ask me to go to therapy i really can't afford it since i have no job, no income for the moment, i hope there is a way to heal myself. Sorry for my bad english btw it's not my first language.
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I'm in a similar position and suffer from a condition called hyperhidrosis in which I sweat on the hands constantly. Not being able to shake a hand firmly can cause more issues than you would think and add to that childhood trauma. My advice would be to go out for walks at first and start saying hi to strangers (helped me a lot) and slowly get more and more familiar with how to conduct yourself in different social contexts with a range of different individuals. This will be of great help when it comes to things like job interviews and networking. Because you have already graduated I would not recommend going back to school and wasting extra money; instead get a simple job (could even be minimum wage type job) and slowly build your way up, whilst you seek better employment opportunities or even start learning about how to start a businesses (if it suits you). Good Luck my friend stay strong. Remember, God gives his strongest soldiers the hardest battles!
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As in, the most likely to trigger one's anxiety
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This was my entire childhood and it was torture
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I lost my mother to cancer 18 hours ago, I'm im shock and in pain. It's very painfull, how do I cope?
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I'm so sorry… local community groups have support groups, and there are lots of virtual support groups. I would stay busy and embrace community <3
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I try to avoid neighbours as much as possible even if I seem rude. Does anyone else do this? And does anyone else avoid people in general and then worry if they have ro meet them in another social context and it will be awkward because you have avoided them this whole time
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My neighbors aren't friendly for the most part, so I don't have a problem usually.
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So my country is very small and the capital's population is very dense. So you basically can run into someone you have already met. This is horrible when you have social anxiety. For example, I went to the mall to buy some stuff and I remember I was feeling so shitty and anxious while walking around and I was so shaky and uneasy. I remember going upstairs to the food court knowing that I wasn't going to eat, but I went anyway. Once there I saw a group of people I met at college eating at a table and I felt worse cause I thought they saw me and all that came to my mind was this:
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This is normal social anxiety behavior
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What are your thoughts on this quote?nAnxiety comes from many different avenues.
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No. I think that is one of those very annoying and overly positive copes. Anxiety is our body reacting to an abundance of stress, why on earth would it have anything to do with 'genius' or whatever that even means? nnQuotes like that are hollow. It seems like whomever wrote it was just trying to sound deep and meaningful for an emo teenager to quote and scribble in the back of their diary. nnAnxiety is anxiety, it doesn't have to be anything else nor does it have to be something positive in disguise. nnPerhaps I've completely misunderstood the quote.
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No matter how many times I keep saying u201cI'll do better. I won't complain. I won't over apologise. I won't start crying over the voices in my head telling me I don't matter. I won't be passive aggressive.u201d It just doesn't work.nnBeing a child my emotional needs were seldom met. It was all about u2018get good grades in school or else you ain't shit' and so any emotional issues I had or anything I sought to reassure me I was beautiful/good enough ect. was seldom given to me .My parents were having hard times getting along anyway so they were always stressed- my mom the least stressed and my dad the most.n I remember going up to my dad asking him if he thought I was ugly and all he said was u201cno.u201d And continued watching television. I remember him calling me a prostitute when he got mad at me for losing my passport saying I could end up trafficked. My mom used to call me stupid when I did something wrong, and my dad would scream at me - calling me names for hours and hours (just screaming at me and then grabbed my phone and laptop and hid it away from me)when he found out I had an innocent relationship at age 16. All those just sat within me and being at a fragile age it obviously grew on me. I just turned 20 and all I do in my romantic relationship is apologise for pouring my heart out and get upset over the smallest things because somehow it's always my fault according to my mind. All I do is beat myself up night and day and cry. I'm very sensitive... nI also developed body dysmorphia because I never felt good enough and hated my appearance. I tried bleaching my skin at age 14 and was so ashamed of the way I looked. I've even gone as far as to tell my SO to break up with me because I'm not worth anything. But he says he won't leave me.nThen I feel bad and apologise to him promising I'll change but then a cycle erupts where I keep thinking he doesn't care about what I have to say and that I shouldn't rant or tell him anything because my rants and emotions do not matter and never will because I'm a failure in life and I'm everything my parents told me I am as a child nnDespite this I keep fighting and fighting but I just always have to reach a point where I fall down and I succumb to the voices in my head. I'm so hopeless. I wish I was different. I hate wanting to try again and again and again with only a few moments of positivity before it crashes. I just get empowered for a while then I get triggered and let everything crash down. I've thought about suicide but I just don't have the balls to actually do it. I can't do it. nI just poured out my heart about my childhood to my SO and instantly thought u201cyou're typing too much he doesn't care so stfuu201d and I apologised to him with a passive aggressive tone and left the conversation just like that. I can turn into a real bitch when I'm insecure and passive aggressive because I want constant reassurance but it's like it doesn't work for long. Only when I take a breather and realise I was being stupid.nBut I know I'll regret it later and apologise to him. Then I'll feel like I can get better then CRASH again and get triggered . Last weekend I started crying so much because I thought he didn't want me near him when it wasn't even anything personal like that. But I cried and cried and had more negative thoughts jump in and I just cried the whole night and he comforted me until I fell asleep. I hate myself for being this way. It's so hard. I just don't know what to do. My anxiety is so bad and my insecurities are enormous and it's shocking how much damaging a child-teenager can cause them when they're older. It's just so hard to get better
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I've been taking paroxetine, aka Paxil, for about 3 years. I started off at 10mg and went up to 30mg over a year. I had a few side effects but nothing really long lasting. The worst was disturbed sleep and a loss of libido which was made worse with hormone therapy for birth control. I've since switched to a copper IUD and my moods and libido are better. nnI was so scared to talk to a doctor about antidepressants that I lied and just asked about anxiety medication.
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Hey Y'all, I need some advice. There's a Barista at a coffee shop I frequent that I'm crushing on. I've decided after ALOT of back and forth in my head and with family that I want to see if she'd be interested in going out and doing something sometime. I'm wanting to possibly ask her sometime this week/weekend. Before I go any further I want to inform everyone that I am VERY aware of the
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Thanks for the kind words! This definitely gave me a boost of confidence!! I've been going to this particular coffee shop for about 15 years. A few of the older long term Baristas know me and my family. I definitely intend on respecting her if she rejects me. I don't want to make it awkward for her to come to work. Plus I like the coffee there!
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We love each other a lot but one thing that gets me anxious is when I have to put up a fake me in front of her friends, or at a party in which she was invited. She is super fluid with getting friendly with unknown people and I am the exact opposite. She loves being social. Period.nnI kinda feel bad for her that she has stopped these social outings/meet ups because of my awkwardness around people. There are times I feel stressed for not having a big social circle myself. Maybe if I did have one she may have felt better about this whole situation. I don't know. I may just be overthinking! Not really sure how to tackle this.
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Sounds like you might be overthinking it. You could talk to her about some of the things you shared in this post. When I've opened up to extroverted friends about SA they are very compassionate and supportive. The more you communicate with someone, the more they understand your reality, and their affinity for you will increase.
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TLDR: Basically, I make up scenarios in my head in which I have a conflict with people I love and then get scared because I hate conflict. Does anyone have any encouraging words for me?nnOk, be gentle with me. I don't want any comments about whether my relationship is good or not xDnnI tend to limit myself a lot for the people I love. My best friend and boyfriend are to very different people and they don't really get along. I sometimes don't do things because I feel like one of them doesn't want me to. I sometimes gather up the courage to ask about it and when they (semi) confirm that they don't like the idea, I feel super restricted in every way.nnAn example that is running through my head right now is: me and my friend went to a spa once and had a nice day. In a spa, I'm naked, so I figure maybe my boyfriend wouldn't like it if I went again. I asked him and he said he didn't know, because he's never been to a spa and doesn't feel like going either. I interpret that as 'I don't want you to go ever again' and start beating myself up on how to explain that to my friends if they ever want to invite me for a spa day in the future. I feel mad at my bf, because he 'never lets me do anything' (this is not true, he trusts me with almost anything).nnI'm already seeing a therapist and my anxiety has gotten a lot better over the last year, but now in this pandemic and close to graduating, it's hard...
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I have anxiety, but it sounds like your core beliefs are different than mine (I mean that in the u201cbeliefs you have about yourself way, and not in a morality kind of way). I'm not a professional, but what if every time you had a negative u201cfantasyu201d you also challenged yourself to write down a positive one? In this case you could write down that since bf has never been you surprise him on his birthday with a couple's spa day, he likes it, and so he starts doing spa days with you more often?
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Not a lot of people in my life really u201cknowu201d me. It's easy for me to be friendly and surface-level, so I know lots of people and have a lot of u201cfriendsu201d, but the minute they try to become closer or ask to hang out more, it makes me uncomfortable. I especially feel this with other women, as the few close friends I have are actually guys. How can I be better at letting people in? Thanks!
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Take life on.nn&#x200B;nnThe one thing I fear more than anything is being on my death bed regretting all the choices I didn't make. Regretting not having all the experiences I could've had especially if I was the reason I didn't experience them.
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According to psychologists, there are several methods that can help you handle anxiety and stress at work.nn**The most important thing is to maintain your current lifestyle.**nnThose who suffer from anxiety should attempt to actively participate in life, regardless of their physical symptoms — wherever, at any time. Allowing themselves to completely experience themselves and their private experiences (thoughts, feelings, physical sensations, etc.) and accepting that range of experiences while continuing to act on what is essential to them can lead to an end to their anxiety problems.nn**Don't try to hide your anxiety.**nnAnxiety is something that everyone goes with. It's a natural reaction to stress. When it arrives, let it in. Acceptance should be practised. Make room for anxiety rather than attempting to push it away. It appears in order to draw your attention to something.nn**Be aware of situations.**nnWhen anxiety arises, examine it with curiosity rather than dismissing it. When it appears, what do you notice? What are your thoughts and feelings right now?nn**Allow anxiety to accompany you on your journey.**nnFace your fears squarely in the face. Join a club to develop your public speaking skills if you're nervous about it. If you're shy about approaching your coworkers, try striking up a discussion. nTo show yourself that you can endure and succeed despite fear, force yourself to engage circumstances that cause discomfort. Rather than avoiding anxiety-provoking circumstances, exposing yourself to them can help you improve your relationship with fear and gain confidence in these situations.nn**Self-care is important.**nnDon't forget to look after yourself as well. Pay attention to your own emotions and healthy living habits: adequate nutrition, sleep, and exercise are all essential for well-being, resilience, and stress management.nn**Remind yourself that your intellect isn't always the most reliable source.**nnYou can't always trust yourself. Our minds are always telling stories, analysing, judging, giving advise, and criticising. These views might be really unhelpful at times. Keep an eye on what your mind does. Take note of your thoughts. It's important to note that these aren't objective truths. You get to choose whether or not the ideas are worth your time.nn**Take a pause.**nnChanging your pace or environment on a regular basis can help you manage your anxiety.nn**A progressive muscular relaxation is a good option.**nnExercises that relax your body and calm your thoughts are recommended. By encouraging the relaxation response, diaphragmatic breathing or other relaxation-inducing practices can assist to alleviate stress.nn**Put the coffee down.**nnThat morning latte is not your friend when it comes to anxiety management.Caffeine should be consumed in moderation because it might elevate heart rate and anxiety-related physiological symptoms.nn**Keep in touch with friends and family.**nnYou'll be able to get by with the support of your friends. The importance of social support in stress management cannot be overstated. Keep in touch with family and friends. Talking with others can be really beneficial.nn**Seek expert assistance.**nnWithout expert assistance, anxiety can be difficult to control at times. Individuals can learn to better understand anxiety and improve their relationship to anxious thoughts and feelings with the help of a professional psychologist who specialises in cognitive behavioural therapy. Concerned coworkers and bosses may choose to express their concern for a colleague in order to normalise the situation and encourage the person to seek help.nn nTo get to know more about anxiety and depression treatment, meet now the best (https://www.chiraghospital.in/best-psychiatrist-in-bangalore.php) at Chirag Hospital. Contact now to book an appointment at 08037518692
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This is great info but in bits and pieces, not all together! It's overwhelming otherwise.
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I have to go to one in like half an hour. It's small, only 2 of my mom's cousins I've met and one of their sons I haven't. My mom says it won't be an all day thing and that I have to go cus I haven't seen them in like 2 months. I don't know why it's making my anxiety act up. I just can't picture what we're all gonna do for hours. Watch tv? Occassionally comment on the doneness of the meat? Mention how cute the dog is once the conversation goes stale? Ugh I hate socializing. nnWhat are you all (Americans anyway) up to today? nnEdit: I chickened out : / and got in a huge fight with my mom. Guess I'll just spend the whole day watching tv and playing on my phone like every other day. I actually wanted to go, I know once I got there it would've been fine, but the anticipatory anxiety was too much.
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I bag groceries, can't wait till I am old enough to become a pet sitter
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Tomorrow I anticipate that the school I teach at will have the
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These are the worst. I went to a small private college and we did this the first day of class every semester. Bleh.
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When 1 on 1 I feel more aware that the other person's attention is solely on me and I am much more responsible to hold the conversation.nnIn a group I feel like there is less attention on me and I can relax more while socializing.nnOr could this be a different diagnosis?
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Complete opposite for me.
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Or whatever you want to call it? I'm tutoring online and that's all i do for work because I'm afraid to expose myself to people every single day. I wear my mask everywhere. I am fully vaccinated but I want to protect myself and my family from breakthrough case via the delta or the mu. I'm home all the time except to go shopping. I feel self conscious because I often feel like I'm the only one still doing this. My social skills were shit to begin with but I think they took an even harder hit since last year and I just am not ready to face the world yet. I also wonder if people think I'm crazy for being the way I am. So is anyone else still taking these precautions, not gathering, not really seeing friends, and just staying home? I know some people with SA have agoraphobia or are just home bodies but for those that typically aren't (or weren't) has the rona made you a shut in?
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Thank you how are you feeling since recovering from COVID?
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Did anyone here vanish from seeing and hanging out with their once mutual friends? Do you think they still remember you? I stopped hanging out with my old friends after a series of unfortunate depressive/anxious events... I should have stayed in touch but almost ten years have passed now so it's too late
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Hi again.nnit's probably not too late. It's not uncommon for people to reunite after years of having not seen each other, but you will have to initiate if that is what you really want.
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I've been suffering from extreme social anxiety for many years now, and after so many dreams of me walking outside and only waking up in dissapointment. Today I've decided to finally do it and it worked out great and I just wanted to say to people that are afraid and have the same problems I had before we can do this together as a team and if you need advices I'll try to answer as much as I can in my dms
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The first step of many more. The first one is always the most cringe, yet impactful. Where did you go and how did you feel on the way back? Was it what you were expecting?
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Hello everyone, as the title says, I am an alcoholic. i have built my whole social life around alcohol without it i would just be at home and have no friends. That worked out quite well for me for a few years, but now I drink even when I'm alone and if I'm honest, I've become a serious alcoholic. I would be interested to know if a vpn has had a similar experience to you. That was only consumed to be able to lead a social life and now a heavy alcohol dependency has arisen.
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Tons of people have had this problem. nnHow would you know you'd have no friends if you didn't have alcohol?
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Im quite insecure about the way I dress. I always tell myself that people won't care at all but I always overthink everything. This morning as I was walking to my bus stop, This lady told me in a harsh tone “Where's your coat?” I told her I didn't bring one and she replied “dang..” I walked away feeling very embarrassed. I told myself I knew I should've brought a sweater. I didn't think it was that cold though. I'm sure she didn't mean it in a rude way but it made me feel ashamed.
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yea appearance in general, its important.
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Here comes. I have never really talked to anybody about how extreme socially anxious I feel all the time so this is kinda weird.nnI (F17) have a really hard time even functioning normally at this point. I am ashamed to leave my house. The reason? Whenever I leave my house, I feel as if all eyes are looking at me, judging me, waiting for me to make a mistake and then humiliate me for it.nnLately I have wanted to start doing sports but that means interacting with people constantly and the worst of all, I have never trained anything for longer than a month, so me being an absolute amateur at everything means making mistakes and being laughed at.nnI can't even start running, even tho the tracks are just below my house and I need less than 2 minutes to get to them because I could possibly see somebody else there, who would of course judge me for doing everything wrong. I don't think I have to talk about why I have never gotten a gym membership.nnI love taking walks, especially by myself. But people would probably think that I'm a freak for taking a walk by myself so I think you can understand why I can't do that either.nnAll of this caused me to constantly be isolated. I'm always at home, doing absolutely nothing which makes me so miserable and angry. It really made me a bad person. I constantly am pissed at the slightest things that aren't going my way at my house which causes often arguments with my family members. I have said some pretty hurtful stuff and I have a ton of regrets but worst of all, I hurt the people that I love the most.nnThis sounds.. weird when I put it like this but I really need an advice on how to leave my house without fearing making a fool out of myself. Thank you in advance.
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f16 here, u arent alone in this :/ i avoid even walking by windows now & only go outside for my chiropractic appointments. ive struggled with agoraphobia/ social anxiety for 7 years now (my diagnosis was changed from ag to sa like halfway thru) and the best strategy ive come across is to let myself ramble in my head. all the jittery over explaining, apologies for normal behaviours, justifying my actions etc, i just say it all in my head as i go. it's strange, and may not work for everyone, but i find letting my inner dialogue run wherever it pleases very cathartic/ comforting
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I feel like when I talk to someone I just respond how I think they would want me to respond or not talk at all so they like me and because I was scared to be judged but I feel like I've done it for so long I don't even know how I would actually respond.nnLike I wear a mask and now there is nothing behind the mask anymore. Its just become second nature to not say that joke I thought of or speak my mind.nnSorry of this makes no sense lol I guess I just wanted to vent and see if anyone else could relate.nnEdit: Thank you all for the comments, I'm bad at responding but I appreciate them :)
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I do this as well, most reactions I have to people are just a repeat of something I've seen someone else do, social interaction just feels so predictable even with people that are good at it that it feels like any response is forced. When you already know the 5-10 possible responses that could come up in every conversation it's hard for it not to feel awkward.
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can someone help?nnFor a few years I have been finding life quite confusing, not remembering conversations, people, going to work and in some cases I've
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It comes down to this. You are spending a lot of time Lucid, where you are not really focusing on what is in front of you instead your mind free floats and drifts. You do this, because you have trauma from the past trapped and rather than face it, you disassociate. The cure is to slow down, find someone safe and discuss each of the things that is troubling you and allow yourself to grieve the past.nnGrief and trauma effect everyone differently, for you it seems to inhibit your ability to be present and focused.
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Are there any specific tips for how to get used to talking to people and making conversation?nnI am just so bad at making friends and am completely oblivious as to how you get past the small talk stage.
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Hey hey, well you are off to a good start wanting to learn, I respect the heck out of that. I'm in the same boat, so Im at the small talk stage too!nnSomething I've been doing is practicing with strangers...easier than people you actually know bc you probably won't see them again.nnOne thing I've been learning is to talk to them like you already know them. I work in an office building so I'm constantly taking elevators which is perfect for me to get a quick 2 minutes or less with some random person, keeps the pressure off. I try not to be so formal, I don't say excuse me or anything like that, just kinda jump into it. nnI say everything lightheartedly and not literal, just trying to get some vibe going, a few examples below - nn
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I just don't know what to do anymore. I feel like nobody in my life cares about me, I'm always treated like shit by everyone around me, and every time I try to tell someone how I'm feeling I freeze up. My anxiety gets so bad that I just tell people I'm fine whether or not it's even true (which it's not). But nobody even bothers to say hello to me anymore. Nobody tells me to have a good day, but they say it to everyone else... except for ME.nnAbout a week ago I was so close to jumping out into the middle of the road in front of a moving car. And those urges keep getting worse and harder not to act on. I've already been in and out of three mental hospitals since covid began, and I DON'T want to go back. But I don't want to stay here either. My family says that they care, but I know for a fact that they just say that to put on a show. They don't care...they just want to pretend that they do to preserve their egos.nnI've tried so many things to help keep me distracted, and nothing works. As soon as I take a break or something, the urges come rushing back. I wake up every morning feeling exhausted and burnt out. I haven't gotten a good sleep in such a long time. I've been emotionally abused and my emotions and vulnerability have been taken advantage of my entire life. Every relationship I've ever had has ended with me feeling like shit because they didn't have feelings for me anymore.nnPeople all throughout my life have seen me in my moments of vulnerability and exploited that until they got bored, then they threw me away to the dirt (metaphorically speaking). Every time I have a good day after a bad day, the good day is followed by a day that's even worse than the bad day. There's really no point for me anymore. I don't know what else to do.
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You are a good writer. Do you like to read?
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So my friend recently told me she had social anxiety and was going to therapy. I said that I will support her no matter what and that our conversations will always be a safe space for her, free of judgment.nnNow, she seemed really happy about this, so I think I got off to a good start. But I don't know what to do moving forward. I'm so extendibly scared and worried for her. nnI used to have this really toxic friend who'd always threaten to kill herself and had panic attacks quite frequently. I won't go too into detail but because of this I'm just so scared for her. nnSo moving onward, what should I do? I'm Italian American. We don't go to therapy, we don't get diagnosed, we don't take meds; we just deal with it. Because of my culture I am very inexperienced with healthy ways of handling this sort of situation. I just want to make sure that I am a person she feels comfortable with... so how can I do that?
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Honestly just talk to her about it. I have horrendous social anxiety and I would be ecstatic if any of my friends asked about it. I know exactly how it works and what makes me uncomfortable and just being able to talk about it with my friends would make me feel so much more at ease. But of course nobody ever asks and I'm too anxious to ever bring it up. If you really care about her and want to learn how best to make her feel safe you should just ask her. Just something along the lines of u201chey so I dont know a whole lot about social anxiety but I want you to feel comfortable and safe around me, so what should I know about it?u201d Throw in a little reassurance that you won't judge and that you're genuinely curious and I'm sure she'll tell you everything you need to know. Also thank you for being a good friend, I wish more people would put in a little effort like you to understand the struggle of social anxietynnEdit: And if you have any questions for me feel free to ask. Your friend's anxiety and mine are most likely different but I can give you some insights or advice if you want
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I've socialized more in the past three days than I have in over a year. I'm on the verge of a panic attack and just exhausted from forcing myself to be “on” and “normal” the past couple of days. I know my family will be annoyed if I don't go out there with our guests soon, but I don't feel like I can move and I have an anxious stomach. Just wanted to vent and send good vibes to everyone else trying to survive the bbqs and parties of this weekend.
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Thank you so much for the support, everyone! This was my first time posting here, and it means so much to meet other people who understand; I feel way less alone. People ended up staying over 5 hours and I feel so exhausted and almost like a weird alien now that it's over. Like a weird, disconnected feeling. But I got teary reading all of your kind words afterwards, so thank you so so much.
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Throwaway for obvious reasons but yeah the title says it all. I know I need to go to the hospital but the embarrassment is enough to keep me home. The thought of me having to explain to some poor overworked nurse that I need someone to physically come take the shit out of my asshole makes me want to shrivel up and d word and I'm not even joking
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sooner rather than later you need to go, or you die, simple as that.
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Hey everyone !nnI'm kinda alone on this so... I guess I'm mostly looking for wishes of luck. It's one of these special tests that life has for you. I need to pass this. It's part of my job, it's a thing normal people do, I can't avoid it even if it's hell.nnI'm a freelancer and I work remotely (how convenient) but tomorrow I'll get a debriefing on my recent work for a client. I had good feedback on the last job I did for them but for some reason they ditched everything I did at the last time. They didn't tell me why, they didn't give me a chance to improve anything. So of course I'm kinda nervous about the quality of my work now. Suddenly they'll have so many things to criticize and they choose to do it live.nThe rest is just pure stress fuel. Speaking in my mother tongue is hard enough. I hope we won't use a webcam at least (I'm sure there will be a webcam as it would be the last little touch of wickedness on this lovely repulsive event).nnWhen it's over, I won't even be proud or relieved. I'll be ashamed of some irrelevant thing I said and I'll think I did everything worng. To me, that part is always the worst. nnIt's nothing but it's everything. n
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Well...your english is pretty damn perfect. I don' know what will happen tomorrow...but your english is not something you should worry about at all.
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Hi everyone. I started going to a therapist, for the first time I have had social anxiety and agoraphobia most of my life. It developed from chronic bullying and emotional abuse, and I'm also a very sensitive person. I am 29. I never got help for it until it got so severe the past two years due to losses in life. I for the the first time admitted how bad it is, and it feels surreal to be honest about it, it doesn't feel real that I'm doing this. I feel completely humiliated that I told someone all these thoughts and the reality of the situation and my life, they know everything about me, I now believe he thinks I'm insane. I now think he might be scared of me because what I said in that room is actually insane, the things I read to him about the thoughts that were in my mind during interacting with people and the level of physical anxiety was so humiliating, it was all this inner critic stuff that was extreme, and I just feel overwhelmed with how severe this has got myself. I feel that maybe it's way too much for him to cope with. When I was reading out what I had written in the diary on my thoughts and how bad the anxiety gets when I interact with people, I became anxious and overwhelmed. Just reading it felt unbelievable, I was reading it and in shock that this is how bad it is. Reading it to someone else made me realize the severity of the social anxiety and agoraphobia. When I left I just wanted to run away and hide forever. I am now just in shock at how bad it had gotten, and am wondering if anyone else has told anyone about their condition and felt it is almost surreal that your going through this? That it's extremely overwhelming this is happening to your life, like it doesn't feel real?
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I (22F) ended up telling about my social anxiety to one of my teachers. I didnt really want to, but my behaviour around him was just SO WEIRD (he happens to make me particulary anxious) that at some point I felt forced to give an explanation for why I was acting like this. (I dont usually tell people i have SAD)nnnHe was very very nice and supportive but he also asked me lots of questions about it, which I hadnt expected at all. He actually seemed very happy and flattered that I confided in him and I'm such a people pleaser that I just answered all his questions very honestly. nnHe kept asking for more details about my social anxiety and as a result I told him lots of very embarassing and personnal stuff, and behaved very strangely because I was rather panickednI now deeply regret most of this conversation. I'm sure he had good intentions, but since that day my social anxiety has actually worsened quite a bit. nnnSaying things out loud makes them feel more
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I only know how to react by tears and I REALLY hate it, I cry for literally everything and nothingnnI just cried today because of a presentation and it happened several times throughout the year, I think my teachers are fed up by my excessive reactionnnEven when someone says
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thank you very much it kind of gives me hope!
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I recently came to the painful realization that I'm an unpleasant person.nAt some point I acquired meanness and cynicism as defense mechanisms and now it's all I am. I'm so afraid of people thinking I'm sensitive or weak that i retaliate by being mean. nI didn't realize how bad it was until yesterday, I was in a group situation and I started to feel anxious and I blurted out something really hurtful by accident. nnNot just that, I rarely ask people about themselves, I barely smile, I tend to only talk to people I'm comfortable with. nnI come off as an extremely unapproachable person.nnSo yay social anxiety is turning me into a toxic person to make sure I do in fact stay friendless and lonely forever. Cheers.
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I struggle with the same when Im put in certain situations, can act a bit mean. But until those situations occur, I try to be super friendly and kind, because I dont want anyone to
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Hi, I feel silly asking this but I haven't been able to sleep well in days and need some advice.nnMy long distance boyfriend and I will be seeing each other twice over our winter breaks, and he has managed to cram multiple dinners and movie nights with his friends and whatnot in the short span we see each other. I am like, spontaneously crying I am so nervous from this. I feel bad saying this but between this and family holiday parties, I just can't wait for it to be over so I can take a break from social settings again.nnBut anyways this Sunday we will be meeting up and going out to lunch to meet an old friend of his, and not only am I not looking forward to meeting a new person, but we are going to have to eat at a taco place. I don't know, it's messy food, high calorie options that already stress me out, and it's kinda expensive. It's like bougie white people tacos too, not something very exciting to try. Anyways, I looked at the menu and like the one cheaper and less greasy item is chips and salsa but I'm afraid it'll be seen as weird I'm not having more, but also it's so messy and already making me nervous to eat in front of both my boyfriend and someone so important to him. On the other hand, if I ordered like an actual meal, I already know I'll be so anxious I won't want to eat and it's hard to explain away not eating in front of people. I'm not particularly thin so I feel like it'll be seen as weird.nnThe other issue is paying. I'm a grad student so I don't have a lot, but it's super stressful for people to pay for me. I have a lot of guilt around it and I don't like feeling like I owe people things, it messes up relationship dynamics for me. I'm at this point willing to cover all of us if it takes the stress out, so my question is for when you sometimes
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Honestly, my advice would be to just order whatever you want. Eat whatever you want because you deserve to have the freedom to choose your own meal. I don't think anybody will care, and if they do, that's on them for being weird about what you choose to eat! nnAlso with the thing about paying, I totally understand that guilt :( That's a really uncomfortable thing for me too :( Maybe suggest that everyone split the bill?nnGood luck!! I believe in you!! You can do this!!
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For the first time in almost two years, I'm having a friend stay the night. This a huge step because normally I get so caught up in the
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Definitely progress. I'm sure you'll have a fun time and will feel more confident for similar nights in the future
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Hey guys, I'm new here, I just wanted to know if I'm the only one getting so anxious around the people closest to you. I've had debilitating social anxiety since I turned 18 but this year I'm even socially anxious with my parents and my brother who are the most important people in my life and the reason, along with my faith, that I'm still here. I'm heartbroken. I should point out that I also have paranoia and intrusive thoughts which make everything much more difficult. I hope you're doing well and thank you for reading!
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It sure is tough. Glad that you are seeking therapy.nWhat has your therapist said about it?
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I'm sure I wasn't the only one... Which is funny to say, because the entire point of this thread is the fact that as a kid I WAS sure I was the only one.nnI don't know if it's because as a kid, you tend to believe the world revolves around you, and your biases are too strong to notice that others were also suffering from social anxiety. I don't know if social anxiety is even detectable without others actually opening up about it. I don't know why, but going through school and life as a kid, especially around 6-13, let's say, I genuinely felt like I was the only human on earth who had this problem, and if anyone else somehow also did, they didn't have it anywhere close to how bad I had it.nnI saw everyday how confident other kids were, how unabashedly smart they were, how easily they laughed and made friends, how talkative everyone was, how arrogant and outspoken the bullies were, and even the few u2018silent' kids I thought maybe had similar issues, I later find out they still had 1-3 friends and they still often had moments where they made others laugh... and not in a bad way, like how they laughed at me, and I saw that they had glimpses of confidence. HAPPENED.A.LOT. I would think u2018oh they seem like me... That's interesting' and then I realize u2018OF COURSE I'M WRONG. They have friends, they can be outspoken. I'm the only one suffering from this'nnI never had that in school. Never had confidence. I used to when I was 4-5, but around 6-7 I was bullied everyday and my true personality which was outgoing and carefree dissolved into silence and submission. I was bullied at school by nearly everybody, I was bullied by my cousins, I faced embarrassment by relatives, I have a strict dad who did not help me with any of these problems... nnI decided consciously or unconsciously, I don't know, to change my personality. To not show my true colors, to not speak my mind, and in fact, to not speak at all, because to speak and be noticed makes everybody hate me, and to be a ghost and silent, nobody will bother me.nnThe worst mistake ever. An innocent one, but the complete opposite happened and I was known for being a weak, easy target for others to continue harassing me.nnI felt alone for a VERY long time. Made worse because my brother (non identical twin, but a twin nonetheless) was quite popular and well-liked, and didn't suffer the same way I did despite being in the same class. I felt so isolated.nnDo you remember those days? Before the internet? Before you could research anxiety and find out about social anxiety? When you believed 100% you are the only one. You were special - in a very bad and unfortunate way - and nobody likes you and you can never be a functional human being like everyone else.nnOnly with time does knowledge grow and you can relax knowing millions are like you and millions more struggle with a thousand other problems, much worse than you can even imagine... But there is something about that time period that is almost the peak of depression, especially for a child.
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Yes.
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I have a hard time choosing my career because of my social anxiety. What jobs would you recommend for someone with social anxiety?
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Second this. In fact, any software engineering related role would do.
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One thing I've learned over the past 5 years or so is that ALCOHOL plays a massive role in worsening social anxiety...nnI've always been socially anxious since I was young, but it was manageable and I could process my emotions. As I grew older and realized alcohol was the cure (or so I thought), I thought social anxiety was in the rear view. What I didn't realize was, over time, I was conditioning myself to be reliant/ need alcohol in any social situation, especially parties, family gatherings ect. nnOver time, this makes you more anxious in any social interaction, especially in situations it's not appropriate to drink (during the day when you need to be productive, work ect..) Simple conversations with people can send you into an anxiety attack simply because you don't believe you can without a drink to calm you down. This is a recipe for disaster. Alcohol is not your friend. I know this is obvious to most people, but it took me years to see the correlation between drinking and social anxiety.
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Ditto. Keep pushing, you'll get thru it
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Idk if this will get taken down, but I'll share anyways. So I got over my social anxiety of going to meet this girl, I was super nervous, but I went and all went well. I left with some regret of “I can't believe I did this”, but also I feel happy and confident at the same time, all of a sudden now I'm riding this high of happiness even though I had some regret of going??? I'm not sure what it is, but my confidence in speaking to people and women in general has increased, I guess I don't feel so nervous around women anymore. Part of it might be because if things don't work out with a girl I'm flirting with, I can still go meet an escort the same day and do what I want. Any other dudes have a similar experience?nnEDIT: I'm not encouraging you guys to do it. But I haven't been with a women since my gf 4 years ago, and what I was trying to get from women by flirting and what not, I got so easily. It changed my mindset and the anxiety around trying to get laid. The fact that I don't really need the girl I'm flirting with to sleep with me, like she won't, Kiki will.
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lol...no...not going there...nnThanks anyway.
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Today, as I was writing with a group of friends, I accidentally let myself be vulnerable enough to talk about how much I miss home and can't do so because of the whole thing going on. One friend replied at first but the others just kind of stopped talking even though we were all joking around before. The second message was just read so I felt annoying and deleted my messages.nnI feel like I might be hypervigilant to the smallest kind of rejection now and my social skills has gone down by a lot without practice and I feel like I don't know how to talk anymore. Anyone else can relate?
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That's a very good point, thanks for the reminder :)nI will try my best!
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I don't really know where to post this, but it looked like this may be the right place. Essentially, occasionally (as in at some point or several points everyday) I have some intrusive thoughts that pop into my head and they cause me so much distress that I end up making sounds (or say some phrases, or even make hand gestures) to release that distress. I even make the sounds or says the phrases in advance when I feel one of those thoughts coming. For some reason, this happens more when I'm at home (my family has even noticed and seem to have gotten annoyed with these sounds and repeated phrases I make) than when out in public (though it does occasionally happen in public, however, far better concealed). Sometimes these thoughts even cause me to imagine what it'd be like without things (ex. if the thought is about me saying something awful, I get a tingly feeling on my tongue and imagine how it'd feel without a tongue and sometimes think of shoving the closest object into my mouth to prevent me from ever saying such a thing). What's even worse is that I'm trying to work on a creative project of my own (a story) however, because I think of it so much, my brain takes it and produces horrible/warped thoughts/images of it, which distresses me even more than usual and makes me feel like hitting myself and typically imagine what'd be like without hands so I couldn't write such things or how it'd feel like to be free of the weight of my brain and it's thoughts (also, I should say whilst I do imagine these things, I don't think I'd ever do anything to actually remove my hands or etc.). It feels like my brain is hellbent against me, but I don't feel like I can talk about it to anyone because it's all in my head and I don't want to share these thoughts with anyone. Does anyone know anything I could do to prevent these thoughts, or at least stop being so distressed by them?
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I wish I could help you. I have similar graphic thoughts about being brutally physically harmed, almost like it's a punishment for something I'm fixating on. I too will utter the same phrases when I think of it almost completely reflexively. Looking for a mental health professional who can help you understand your thoughts/feelings/behaviors might be beneficial? I know it's hard without insurance, but some people offer a sliding scale or a student discount, sometimes therapy is also cheaper if you talk to an intern who has yet to graduate. Psychology Today is a website that can point you to pros in your area (this is not an ad for PT, just a recommendation ) I hope you find some answers and comfort.
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Anyone else type out an excessively long post about their despair only to delete it because your anxious that people will ridicule you for what you say?nnThanks for coming to my TED talk :(
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All the time. Nice to know I'm not alone in this behavior
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I feel like each year of high school has gotten progressively worse. As a freshman, I felt like i was in a tight knit friend group. Now as a senior, I've drifted from almost all of my friends. I'm sick of going to school and being around my classmates. I just wanna get high school over with and move on with my life.
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I totally see your point, but I feel like I've drifted from 95% of my friends in a very short time span. I wanna retain my old friendships and make new ones as well, but it seems like I'm losing friends faster than I can make them.
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No more loathing coming home. No more holding my piss until it hurts cause I don't want to see my housemates. No more living in a pool of my own anxiety and fear. nnI hope all of you can afford to live alone one day, it's totally worth it!
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I wish but I have anxiety of seeing houses and signing contracts lol
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I was bullied all through school and now anytime I hear people whispering to each other (especially girls) I get irrationally upset/angry. It's like I automatically assume that they're talking about me (mostly because I've had experiences when people have been whispering about me). Unfortunately, I go to a Greek-heavy school, and this is one of the sorority girls' favorite pastimes. It definitely doesn't help when I'm trying to put myself out there. Does anyone else experience this?
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Yup it's always about me even if it's two people who have no reason to be talking about me and they're talking away from me. Same with when people go into my boss's office and close the door lol
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this nice lady down the street invited all the women who live on our street to a holiday party at her house. we're supposed to bring cookies to trade with everyone and an appetizer. I worked really hard on my cookies and jalapeño poppers, but I was rushing around this morning to bake the poppers in time. I put them in a duffle bag and speed walked to her house two houses down, get there at 11:15, only to learn the party starts at 1:30 and not 11:00. I feel like an idiot, apologize and walk home. I open my bag and the poppers are now one big melted pile of cheese in the container lol. I can't. this was already so stressful and I really pushed myself to attend this thing. but now I don't have any mental energy to go through with it, I'm totally discouraged and embarrassed. and now feel guilty because I'm not going to show up. even though I was there two hours ago. nntldr- just venting about how I showed up two hours early to a party, ruined my appetizer, and now too ashamed and tired from overthinking everything to go back now.
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I just couldn't handle it today. but it was fine. I texted them afterwards and let them know I'm sorry but I spilled all of my poppers on my way home and I just couldn't go on.
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If anyone can give me a tip to calm down and put me at ease I'd appreciate it more than you know!
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Hey listen, there's nothing inherently wrong with you. Your brain's just being a lil dumb right now and because it's the same brain you use to think with you can't see clearly. But everyone around you and everyone you interact with just sees a normal person doing normal people things. No-one's judging you or secretly criticising you, I promise. Let me know if you want to talk.
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Mine was today and besides that it happens to be my birthday, too.
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Thank you! Your comment made me feel a bit better. I made it through the day, so I'm grateful for still being here.
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I'm just wondering how best to ask her out, I don't want to put her in an awkward position, I'm wondering if yous can relate and could give any advice on how to help make her feel comfortable?nnThanks very much in advance
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Maybe start with asking if she'd like to hang out sometime and then discuss what options she'd be comfortable with?
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Today I just finished my second day of zoom training. Tomorrow I also have it for nine hours again. It's hard for me to be comfortable in zoom and we have to keep our cameras on and microphones. I did hide my self view and at times I did talk just barely. It is a good group but my anxiety is terrible also especially since I still live at home where I feel trauma and pain. Today at the end of the day the instructor mentioned that I was very quiet. At the beginning he mentioned that as a class we were a very quiet group and he did target a few other people for being too quiet and it just feels kinda different when your pointed out. Eventually most everyone became social I guess. Idk I've been really quiet and shy my whole life. This is a call center remote job so idk how I'll do after training. I'm not a social person at all and I'm surprised that I've even got in this job. Maybe I'll do it for a while but eventually my anxiety will catch up to me and I'll have to find something else. I really did try to keep it together like mentally I did answer when called and said a few things. I guess working isn't for me. I just feel crippled socially and behind. Being 25 doesn't make it better either. I'm just so tired of my personality but I also don't want to be a fake. Also today my mother tried to come in while I was on training so I had to turn off video and volume to kinda yell through the door. Idk I just feel sad that I'll just be the quiet person my entire life. Everywhere I go. I don't even feel human since I'm very unsocial.The weird,quiet girl lol. Right now I'm eating and crying I just feel off lol.
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Yes. I feel that in today's world you have to be loud and dominating to survive or get ahead. Sensitivity and introspection aren't appreciated as much as the former but these qualities should be. The world is already so hard and cold. People talking just to be heard it's all just so exhausting and painful.
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I'm very careful about what I say and how I act. I basically have a different personality with everyone based on how comfortable I am with them. It takes a few days of being around even my best friends (who live in different states) to be myself with them again. The only people I can say or do anything around are my mom and sister.nnThen there's people who just show all of themselves with strangers and it kind of blows my mind?? They don't care what people think about them. I'm so jealous of that.
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I'm in this post and I don't like it...
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Not quite sure if anyone had this type of thing at their school, but when I was still in school I had so many teachers that used a card or popsicle stick with our names on it to call on us randomly when they asked a question. I'm just going to flat out say that this was a big contributor to making my anxiety worse and hindered my learning. This doesn't mean I didn't try in school, I still absolutely tried my best and got pretty decent grades. However, whenever these systems are in place it prevents me from actually learning any content we're doing because of the fear I'm going to be called on. I understand I'm not supposed to feel this way about it but it's something I've never been able to handle. Back when I was in middle school before our first class even started I had a panic attack outside of class because I didn't want to be called on and that's what lead to my counseling and eventually lead to my counselor emailing my teachers to not call on me in class because it not only makes my anxiety worse but prevents me from learning anything. Ever since then, I did great that year because I wasn't worried about making a fool out of myself and having everyone stare at me anticipating my answer. I just wish this type of thing didn't exist in schools, or simply not calling on anyone ever in school because it's something that affected me greatly in the long run and maybe even for some of you. Personally I feel I would have done MUCH better in school if these type of systems weren't in place.
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I am a teacher, and I will never use the popsicle stick system in my classroom. I had a similar experience in school, not learning simply because I was too afraid of being called on at random in class. The day I decided I wanted to become a teacher, I promised myself I would try my best to make my classroom a safe space for everyone.
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I don't speak to anyone except for my mum and sister for like 2 years. I never call anyone or voice chat because I am too scared, what if they don't like my voice, what if they don't understand what I'm saying or I don't know what to say or I'm too quiet. I sent a letter to my favourite game and this game means the world to me so I would anything to play again, but then they said the best way to help is if they talk to my mum through zoom, but she will be at work at the time and I'll have to talk to them, but I don't even know what to say or if I'll even be able to say a single word I always have panic attacks before answering calls so I'm worried I won't be able to say anything and I don't like my voice. And I'm scared I won't know what to say and won't be able to play again, what if I won't be able to say how I feel or anything because I'll be too nervous or too quiet. I don't know what to do
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If the situation is too bad, you should consider therapy.nnOtherwise, I was in a similar situation and started speaking to strangers online on random speaking websites such as speakrandom, voicecallstranger and freefortalk. Later when I got comfortable with that I would try some video calls with some online friends or in special discord groups.nnAs for the situation that is coming up, you're definitly bound to feel anxious and might even freeze. That's normal. Medication would help, but you gotta get a prescription from a professional. Maybe postpone that meeting and try to take care of yourself first.
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I just told a girl that i liked her and she hasn't responded back.
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Im talking to her right now
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Hey guys, so I've posted on here a few times and I was just looking for some advice. Hopefully I'm not getting too annoying. So, bit of background. My Italian boyfriend (41) and me (32) split a few days ago. I'm abroad visiting my family and he called to say it wasn't working. He was signed off work for severe anxiety the same day. He said his head was about to explode with everything so he had to reset. We'd been together 3 years and this is the third time he's split, saying that he's not fulfilled sexually. The communication throughout has been awful – he's only ever told me he's not happy sexually to leave me, never to find a possible solution to the problem. It is true that towards the end of our relationship we were only having sex once every 10 days ish, although we have had more during our relationship. When he left me, he was crying saying how he loved me and didn't want to lose me. A bit more background… he came out the closet about 4 years ago to the horror of his parents, who never accepted me. He has diagnosed depression, takes pills for anxiety and his therapist says he has severe dependency on his mother (who the therapist says he is “married” to). His mother is really miserable and hates me. I am his first partner, and his sister who is nearing 50 has never had a partner. Also, basically every area of his life seems to cause him deep unsatisfaction, which is really striking for me. Anyhow, last night, we were speaking on WhatsApp and then he called, crying. He said he was so sorry for leaving me over the phone and that he is going through a really rough patch in his life, but that I mean the world to him. He said he hasn't been satisfied with our sex from day 1, sees everything we did together (including our trips) through a filter of sadness, and that his mother has said that we didn't love each other anyone and that I could never make him happy. He also said that he knows some people are ok with a relationship which makes each person feel secure, provides them with a stable family environment, and where there is commitment, but where the sex is not 101%, and he doesn't want that. There was lots of crying and we talked about maybe giving it one more try, but he said he'll have to speak with his therapist first tomorrow. Anyway, my question is, I know it might not work out, and I'm not looking for people to tell me it won't, but if we do decide to give it one last go, what change could we make to maximize our chances of success? We both love each other lots and get on well. Each time we got back together, we've never changed anything, just hoping for a different outcome, which I think has been a mistake. I'd be eternally grateful for any advice .
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I am going to say this with all of the love in my heart, so please understand I can't put more energy into helping you than you are putting into helping you. nnHelp me, help you, there is a book you should read called “he's just not that into you” after you read that book come back and we can break your post down red flag by red flag.
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