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So i started a skype group. we are small but will grow soon, most of them are from my kik sa group. we just want to have fun and forget the world in our little chat : 3 if anyones interested add nn@ dregarmant
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i want to join u guys
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22 male. It's the worst feeling ever. I just want to be normal and have conversations and have just one ounce of confidence. I'm so incredibly anxious around anyone. I can't act normal I just break apart. Have no confidence and can barely speak. Year after year it's only gotten worse. I can't wait to be free from this curse. How do I heal? I look in the mirror and photos and see a child. People treat me like a child and talk to me differently than they would someone else. I feel so incredibly stupid every day of my life.
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Aw gosh.. I'm sorry to hear that. I have a feeling ill be following the same trend. I've been unemployed for three years and while I think that working will help my anxiety, I've totally forgotten the dread and the worthlessness that a (Esp low wage job) brings. I am trying so hard to get a job with rev but it seems they're full. A transcription job but even that only makes 1000 a month if you work hard. And you have to be a fast typer to get to that for sure.
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Ive been struggling with social anxiety for 6 years now. It also has became so severe often led me to depression and suicidal thoughts. Ive been visiting psychologist many times and going through Cognitive Behavioural Therapy already but none of its work. I wonder if medications and meeting psychiatrist really a good thing? I'm really concerned with the side effects of the medications. Is it bad?
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I have recently restarted taking some basic meds and I see good results. Less sweaty hands and feet, less feelings of nervousness, MUCH less worrying at night, better sleep.
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I have social anxiety and depression. It's a little difficult for me to go out and get food sometimes, especially on days when I'm extra nervous like today. I haven't eaten that much today, so I ordered chinese food off of doordash.nnI live in a university residence area, and I have ordered food off of doordash several times prior to this. These are my instructions.nn​nn(https://preview.redd.it/is2hdsjxlxe51.png?width=750&format=png&auto=webp&s=e8ab66b6463eb306874eab421802b660ecab2f73)nnThe doordash guy called me and spoke quite loudly and angrily to me saying he couldn't find my building. He sounded a bit drunk. I was so stunned and scared, and apologized and told him there is a sign that says
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I'd use services where you don't need to contact customer service to get a refund. I use Postmates, and I literally can get full refunds without calling anyone. Of course, to prevent people from abusing that, you'll get banned if you do it too often.nnIdk if Postmates is more expensive in general but yeah
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I am doing a research project about how social anxiety affects people's life. Could you please answer this poll?nnWhich situations you avoid due to your anxiety? nn(https://www.reddit.com/poll/vrtryw)
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All of the above.
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I've been diagnosed with schizophrenia for about 8 years now. I've never heard voices but since having the illness, I've had a thought broadcasting delusion. It sucks bc I feel like everyone knows exactly what I'm feeling and thinking and I often misinterpret things like how they react to whatever I'm feeling or thinking at the moment. Often times I get stuck just trying to manipulate my thoughts in order to not hurt others feelings which sometimes just does the opposite, bc intrusive thoughts I guess? I'm constantly preoccupied with trying not to embarrass myself from embarrassing thoughts and its truly making the quality of my life very poor. I feel like it gets worse everyday. nnI thought I would add that I'm in a mental health facility with therapy/psychiatric services. But really the purpose of this post was to ask if there's anything I can do to help ease my symptoms? I'm willing to commit completely to my recovery, though another one of my problems is procrastination. Being on my phone, as I am now, seems like something I should let go of. Anyways, sorry for the lengthy post.
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One tip that might help is writing your true thoughts down and reading them aloud as a grounding technique. Another option could be to write a letter to someone with your thoughts or how you're feeling. You don't have to send the letter but it can help if you're concerned about hurting a particular persons feelings. Maybe being open to the idea of someone knowing a small detail or a silly/minor thought. I feel like you will feel more comfortable getting it out there possibly as time goes on. Hope you have a nice day/night
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Tonight it shall be me, my book of quotes, and a whole heap of maths work I need to get through. But meh, at least you know where you stand with numbers. nnWhat are you guys doing? nn
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Oh.. I feel like I purposely don't want to change it now though...
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Okay I'm 20(nb) but my whole life my family has cut my hair, I've been to a barber shop maybe 3-5 times so not a lot and when I went I had someone with me. I've always been so anxious to go but today I have to because I have a interview tomorrow and I want to look a little more cleaned up. So hopefully I won't be turned hideous, wish me luck and thank you for reading my rant
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i have one in a couple days too. i hope your interview goes/went well
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honestly i wish i could blame the pandemic, but at this point i think it's just me. a family member had a life-threatening situation happen during midterms week(s) last semester, and i haven't been able to catch up on my coursework or recover my motivation to do well since then after basically being their nurse for a week after they were released from the hospital post-op (cooking, helping them bathe, go to the bathroom, move around the house, contacting family for them, etc.). legit have just shut down from being so behind on all my work...managed to complete three graduate courses w/ A's, but two other classes i had to get incompletes in, and haven't finished the work for either of them since i asked for the extensions towards the end of the semester. ud83dude16
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Yea I get this a lot actually. It's called debilitating anxiety. When your anxiety has a negative impact on your tasks. It's really annoying and I get so frustrated with myself but I can't help but avoid things that stress me out and curl up crying. It's just too overwhelming for me to face and so I choose to avoid it to not feel anxious but it actually makes me feel more anxious. :(
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So what is it?
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A writer, or admin job that doesn't require any form of human interaction.
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I had a phone interview for a job today, and right off the bat within less than a minute into the call, she said to me, “are you a confident person? You seem shy”.nnThis is so fucking disappointing because I'm usually way more comfortable speaking on the phone than in person and I hate that I got called out like that when I try so hard to exude confidence and not show how shy and awkward I am. nnI hate that all everyone sees in me is a shy person. And I hate that the main reason I won't get this job (or any other job in the future) is because I'm shy and there's nothing I can do about it. Because no matter how much I fake it, apparently people can still see through it.
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You and me both!
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Can anyone suggest any books, or give me some tips for talking to my little kids about my (very poor) mental health? They are 6 and 7.nnThey are smart kids and know things aren't right. We don't sugar coat things for them and I want to take a very straightforward approach to this. I just need a little help getting started with the right words. Or maybe there are some good age appropriate books I can read to them, to start the conversion.
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Not sure of any books, and I haven't had this conversation with my children yet, but will probably need to someday - either about myself, my husband, or other family members. I think about what to say a lot, and I imagine I'll say something along these lines: nn
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My friend keeps asking me to leave the house to hang out with her, she's also depressed and I don't want to say no, but I'm also depressed and VERY irritable right now. I sound fine on the outside because I make an effort to appear stable for her sake because I love her, but all I want is to stay inside for AT LEAST two weeks at a time.nnI want to pull away each time she asks
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You're absolutely welcome!!! You deserve it! nnAnd I will say, it's not easy. It'll take time. And there will still be days where it's draining to be out. But push yourself sometimes to have those small glimpses of happiness with other people. You'll thank yourself later for the memories. nAnd as you go through life you'll find people who don't drain your energy. And it may happen slowly. I'm a married 20(f) and friends with my 50 year old male neighbor. He's handicapped but an old rockstar. He's like a crazy fun uncle to me now. I go over to his place, with or without my husband, to just hang and talk and watch tv with sometimes. I've slowly come to realize he's good energy. Even if I've had a shitty day, he could ask me if I wanna come watch tv and I marvel at the idea. Some days are just THAT bad and I'm not in the mood. But now more times than not I enjoy his company wholeheartedly. You'll find those people too! Just be patient! nnBest of wishes to you love!!ud83dudc9cud83dudc9c
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Hi all, new here. Had a question regarding Buspar. After being prescribed it I was doing some research and found that I have to take it daily for it to work?nnBut my psych told me to take it as needed, no more than twice a day. When I brought this up to her, she said that people usually take it for GAD, which is why most people will tell you you have to take it every day. I haven't been able to find much on this differentiation so I was wondering if any of you had any information on this or a similar experience.nnThanks :)
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This is my most effective anxiety treatment i have personally tried out of everything else you can take for anxiety. Antidepressants and me just dont gel well and i find this medication is super tolerable and makes me a calm person. To answer your question it probably works a tiny bit if you only take it as needed but it makes such a huge difference taking it regularly.
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I don't know what triggered it or why, bit I woke up the other day to several friends gone from my contacts and blocked by a few of them, something happened within the group and everyone seemed to have just bailed, out last convos were about DnD and no one seemed upset.nnI doubt I can do anything, and I don't want to fight or beg to keep my friends, I just need advice on moving on, this all happened yesterday while I was asleep.
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I feel like such a child, I'm almost 30 and I'm getting depressed over friends like a HS drama , is it even normal to grief over a friendship breakup
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How do you guys manage to get through the day or even weeks while having to talk to people all day?
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I talk to people throughout the day and on phones. There is some quiet / downtime. You honestly get used to it and better. Still anxious though
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As I stated in the title, I'm a therapist who loves helping clients with social anxiety. I love the community that you have created here, and I am always impressed by the support and resources that you provide for each other. I'm always looking for learning opportunities to improve my skills and better help my clients, and I can't think of a better way to get feedback than to ask this community: as a therapist, what do you think I should know? What have therapists done that has been the most helpful for you? What has been the least helpful? Why? What do you want me to know about your experiences with social anxiety/therapy/whatever? How can I best help my clients who suffer from social anxiety?nnnEdit:nnThank you all so much for so a great response! I'm doing my best to read through and digest as much as possible. A huge part of social anxiety is being unable to truly express yourself to others, which makes communities like /r/socialanxiety such a great place to speak your mind. n
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I'm sure you already know this, but never make light of things your client tells you. I had a medical provider (I know it's different from a therapist, but they still should've known better) ask what I was taking Paxil for and I said social anxiety disorder. She didn't know wtf I was talking about it, so I explained it. She then LAUGHED and said
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Hi there! so I've had social anxiety all my life and I've tried different types of meds in recent years to try to improve, some worked better than others, but I've abandoned pretty much all of them because of side effects. Rn I only take escitalopram and supplement it with CBD (I'm quitting clonidine so I take a very small dose). However no matter what I've taken, the physical symptoms of my anxiety have almost never disappeared, when I have to speak in public I have tremors, facial tics and I sweat, internally it feels like hell, it's really an ordeal. The only thing that has prevented me from acting like a fool in public has been beta blockers, for a while I've taken propranolol on rare occasions, but it has a really short half life so you have to take it more than once a day. I decided to try another one, atenolol, and I really felt better, I felt anxiety but the fact that I didn't feel agitated or tremulous helped to ease my nervousness. The only downside is that betablockers might affect memory but, honestly if i can reduce the dose of escitalopram and completely stop with clonidine, that might also help my poor battered brain. In short Atenolol seems to be effective to reduce the physical symptoms of anxiety.
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12.5 mg, two times a day. Somedays I skip.
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Hi all. I've missed a lot of work over the past two years, to the point where all of my PTO was used and then over (which I was not paid for, understandingly) due to migraines and then subsequent days where the stress, A&D got to me and I just couldn't make it in. nnSince the new year alone I've missed so many. nnThis past week I was out 3 days, and I only have a drs note for one. One fo the days was Friday- I was so stressed I was crying the whole day, and just not fit to come in. nnI'm on a warning and this is the first time I don't have a note for days missed. nnI want to come clean to my boss, at this point telling him the truth that I'm so stressed that I have panic attacks and cry for hours on end due to missing work can do no harm as I don't know how this last round of missing work won't get me fired. nnDoes anyone have any advice on what I should email him? If I am fired, I need to make sure I can collect unemployment ( I've been at this company almost 4 years)nnThank you for the help :)
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Hey there! I've been in this situation before and I can tell you it's always best to just be upfront and honest with your boss. I know it's scary and you dont wanna talk about it but you will feel so much better after no matter what the result is. Also I would look into FMLA (family medical leave act) most companies have to abide by this and it could potentially be helpful for you if you need to take time off in the future. You could potentially have the right to take off up to a certain amount of time off work while still being paid. I'm not too well versed on the specifics but I would definitely bring it up to your boss or HR. Good luck and if you have any other questions just msg me!
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I been feeling so down lately because I have no friends in college. Currently in my second year.nThe only person I can only connect to is my boyfriend, but I'm so bad at socializing with others. And he already has new friends of his own. nIt's so hard to make friends when everyone is already in circles of their own and you're this new person in the room. It also makes me sad I don't have any circle of my own in general ever since. nntldr; No friends in college and no circle of friends ever since so I feel lonely
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Thanks. Good luck with making friends !
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I feel like something is wrong with me ? I get so upset by the most minor things such as being told off for forgetting to do something like put something away and I'll do it then run to my room where I'll cry until my eyelids won't stop twitching and I'm writing a suicide letter to my family . Sometimes I'll have a panic attack but usually I'll just end up staring at a wall feeling worthless ,tears dried up and as though the world is grey . I also show certain signs of social anxiety ( but I don't think that I have social anxiety )
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Hi there, so sorry you're going through this.nnI am in the same boat! Actually I just had a situation like this today, my dad yelled for something really minor and I felt damn near suicidal. I always go into loops about how worthless, pointless, and miserable life is for so many people and how nothing means anything. It's awful. But one thing that makes me feel better is just letting myself feel like shit and trying to just keep going.nnLike today I just put on some funny YouTube videos and browsed on reddit until I didn't feel shitty anymore. Things are still a little weird but that's just how it goes sometimes.nnHang in there! Everything will be okay. Hell maybe life is meaningless and occasionally really shitty, but it's cool! Just do things that make you happy and develop a u201cit's my life, I'll do what makes me happy and screw the restu201d mindset. Don't let anyone else presume to make YOU feel any way you don't want to.
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I have enough drama without everyone staring at me! I have ESA and he's an Italian Greyhound. When I go to the grocery store (which is a big step) and people pay attention to him and helps spark up a 10 second conversation... ESA is an Emotional Support Animal..
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Oh you don't even know! Beavis and Butthead fans, saved by the bell fans... you name it!
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Did anyone get their social anxiety from bullying?
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Sorry...
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I have had terrible social anxiety since middle school and I only had one or two friends. They knew of my anxiety and supported me. They helped me a lot actually and played a huge part in me getting better. Now, I'm in high school and I'm doing a lot better. I feel more comfortable in social situations and made a lot more friends, my mental health is great recently and I've learnt to love myself.nnHowever, recently, my friend is constantly getting upset at me because
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They've got issues I think. Remember, prioritise YOU first. I had a friend who started to resent me for having good things happen to me. She started to be rude and treat me badly, so I blew up at her and didn't talk to her.nnAnyway, point is; you have a right to have your boundries and you have a right to have your space and life respected. People drift a part. Friends come and go. I am lonely now, but I respect myself, and I acknowledge that people don't deserve my friendship if they feel they can be assholes to me. nnIt's a process, but I wish you the best.
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I have been dealing w/ anxiety and depression a long time now along w/ different health issue and being on disability. It's such a lonely place where u don't feel like u have purpose and then if you do u overwhelmed w/ anxiety! It seems you just can't win. So I decided to finally join this group to see how other people overcome. Anyone hear like to talk or pray for me I'd appreciate it!
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Thank you! nnSo where are you from? I'm in Texas
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Prozac and lexapro worked but I couldn't stand the side effects… any help/suggestions would be great!
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u know placebo compared to drugs have %30 response? if u experience no sexual sidd effect with drugs that target serotonin, it's probably placebo response you have
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I don't think like a young person anymore, I've got the first details to my face that make me look like a fully-grown adultnn- Me 20 years old: nnhttps://www.dropbox.com/s/ro7brgdi4vb3c66/2014-03-11%2021.39.12.jpg?dl=0nn- Now:nnhttps://www.dropbox.com/s/sg7c9fbv0zvofkw/2016-04-01%2001.19.03.jpg?dl=0nnI just miss looking young and not tired. I can shave my beard, lol, but I feel like my look generates too many expectations to how mature I should be and I didn't adequately live out the energetic youth people usually have.
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> I sailed the world and had a pussy in every port yar yar yar yar blah blah blahnnThat made me laugh! That's too funny xD
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I recently came to the painful realization that I'm an unpleasant person.nAt some point I acquired meanness and cynicism as defense mechanisms and now it's all I am. I'm so afraid of people thinking I'm sensitive or weak that i retaliate by being mean. nI didn't realize how bad it was until yesterday, I was in a group situation and I started to feel anxious and I blurted out something really hurtful by accident. nnNot just that, I rarely ask people about themselves, I barely smile, I tend to only talk to people I'm comfortable with. nnI come off as an extremely unapproachable person.nnSo yay social anxiety is turning me into a toxic person to make sure I do in fact stay friendless and lonely forever. Cheers.
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Damn :( only recently came to the same conclusion myself. I've had people around me all my life that have cared about me, even people who tried to talk to me and get to know me, the weird smelly guy at school. But I thought that all those thoughts stemming from my SA were my thoughts, not my instinctual lizard brain blaring out signals of dangers that were never there, that my family didn't really care about me and everyone at my schools loathed me. I was so convinced of all of this, I was completely delusional, living in a severely warped dark reality. You spend all that time feeling unease and danger, and you get cynical for relief in hopelessness, sarcastic for relief in humor, and mean to protect yourself from any criticism from anyone else. We're so hypercritical of ourselves that any criticism from another person, no matter how good natured, well put, and constructive, feels like a knife in the skull. nnUgh. Well... at least we've made the first step in recognizing it boyos. It's gonna take a ton of work to change how we relate to these thoughts and feelings, but we can do it. I believe we can get better. I've spent so much time mired in defeatism that I've basically had my life on hold for the past 5 years. But I want more out of life. I want to feel fulfilled. And all that is on the other side of my problems. So I'm gonna go at it again and again, and I'm never gonna stop, no matter how uncomfy it will all make me. The discomfort is well worth it for the life I want. We're all gonna say some cringe shit that makes us wanna crawl under a rock and die while we're learning. We're all going to mess up something or another that we were working on and feel like a complete buffoon. But that's okay. We'll recover. We'll mess up and then we'll recover again and again. We'll get better at it every time, and those mess ups won't hurt us so much anymore. You can do it. It'll be one of the hardest things you ever have to do, but you can do it. I believe in me, and I'm the most cynical sarcastic jerk you'll meet. So, you should believe in yourself as well. We'll get out of these dark, brambled woods yet.
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Do you get weird feelings when you are watching TV on the sofa with someone, or watching a movie, or in a seminar with somebody on your side looking at the same thing you are? Be it your closest friend?nnIs this social anxiety?nnEdit: I just feel uncomfortable when watching or looking at the same thing with people beside me. Like when they are in my
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It's probably just something of the
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I'm so afraid of being perceived negatively, I can't even get close to people because I don't want them to see the bad parts of me. I distance myself from anyone who tries to get close to me so I don't have any close relationships because of this. Do people with social anxiety often have this problem? It seems like most people with SA can still let people in at some point... I can't imagine. I just feel very alone on this. It's so fucking awful and isolating.
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Yes. You dismantle this by revealing your vulnerabilities over and over again.
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Hello everyone. nI'm 24 years old and I have social anxiety. However, I think I'm getting better. Now I'm capable of going to the supermarket alone and doing basic stuff outside. Unfortunately, I still cannot meet people and have conversations without feeling deep discomfort and fear of criticism. This caused my to quit my job and studies. nI feel I'm getting behind in life and I'm so stressed about it. nnDo any of you feel the same?
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12 years....12 years too long. But it's getting better every day. I just keep pushing myself and congratulate myself even on the small victories...like pumping gas, going grocery shopping, etc. Never underestimate those small victories...it's progress!
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I been having flashbacks every single day for the last 2 years and nothing is working. Any tips? Any supplements I can take?
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Are u on any medications for anxiety? I'm ready to try everything
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So basically I work a stupid service job and it gets tiring and annoying however I noticed when I started working 70 hours a week I feel better in terms of anxiety. Before, I used to get the worst anxiety if I wasn't completely busy doing something. Now that I mindlessly am always busy at work I never think about anything and when I get home I'm so tired I just fall asleep and eat. nnI have no time to really have anxiety . Shouldn't it be the opposite tho? I don't know, I feel like I have to be stimulated and someone making me do a bunch of tasks and it helps me avoid my anxiety issues. I have the most anxiety when I'm alone or have free time . Is this anyone else? nnI actually really wish I could have lots of free time and do stuff that isn't labor and not having anxiety. I want to be able to relax and not having anxiety :( but IT is nice that I'm not having so much anymore
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Yeah, I've noticed this too. When I'm off of work I'm pacing around and can't function. When I go to work I have structure. I'm willingly working 60 hour weeks and putting in more OT when it's available for this reason.
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This makes the eighth or so that I've lost since moving to my current location five years ago, not counting the remote
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Sounds like you need therapy, if you're not already receiving it, and to find a job with less stressors you can work with.
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Would taking out the anxiety from social situations enable my brain to come up with things to say? or would i just have a smile on my face and look happy?nnI cant help but think that social skills have nothing to do with me not being able to think of things to say. Look at the guests on Jeremy Kyle or the old Jerry Springer shows, stupid idiots who are cocky and self assure with no social skills what so ever.. BUT they have friends, relationships and a life????nn
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Having suffered and not suffered and suffered again. My experience is this. When no anxiety is present, you don't stress about what is next to be said, convocation just flows, without too much thought. What is said it said with more conviction and vigor, so people actually listen. When anxious things feel forced, and it's not a natural state to be communicating in.
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I try not to dwell on the negative. I think positive thoughts and distract myself with hobbies, but that stuff is only temporary. I can't ignore or block out these feelings forever. And, sometimes that depression just hits me hard and I don't know how to deal with it because I can't afford therapy and I have literally no one to turn to. I'm stuck in a situation where there is no escape and I'm just expected to take the abuse and neglect with a smile on my face. The only time I feel okay is when I get high, but I don't wanna do that because I don't want to become dependent on drugs. It's scary because I can feel myself gravitating towards a deadly road that I don't wanna go down. Shit is just too hard sometimes.
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Thanks, man :)
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I hate my birthday so much. Because it's back to school time everyone used to forget. I got so tired of having birthday parties when I was a kid where nobody showed up that eventually I stopped acknowledging my birthday. Now my SA is so bad I hate people to even know, because then I don't have to be upset by only close family remembering. A couple of years ago even my mum forgot. I usually get four cards- one from my mum, one from my aunt, one from my nanna and one from my husband. This year my husband is in afghanistan (based too far out to get hold of a card and too busy for regular access to the welfare phones) and my nanna died at easter, so I'm going to get 2 birthday cards and spend the day completely alone (except for going to work, where nobody really socialises or speaks to me anyway). Like so many things my SA has made me outwardly pretend I don't care when actually this really upsets me and I would actually really like to spend my birthday with people, except for the fact that it terrifies the shit out of me. Sorry for the rant, but saying this sort of thing in RL makes people give you weird looks. nTL;DR: I hate my birthday because everyone forgets it, however I would be massively scared about anyone remembering it or making a fuss.
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I don't like it either, I also don't like sitting around opening Christmas gifts.
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Pretty self explanatory. Been going to therapy for a few months now, realized how fucked up I really am, the whole deal. A part of me wished this moment would never come, but it seems like I wasn't able to escape it. I have seen how dependent you become once you start taking medication, and how it's usually a never ending cycle in which you never find what's good for you. Plus the side effects. I've been prescribed Sertraline (I heard it's called Lexapro or Zoloft in the States), and I have no idea about how the side affects will affect me. My uncle took it for a year and his stomach was completely destroyed. I'm only 19, I'm super worried. Any experiencies with Sertraline and antidepressants?
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Medication has helped me and I'm ok that I'll probably have to take something the rest of my life. Lots of people take medications everyday for some sort of ailment and this is no difference. Every once in a few years I go off of it and I realize I like life better with it or I realize I need to adjust it in some way but to me it's a small price to pay for feeling better. I did have to let go of the judgment I was putting on myself about it but my therapist helped me explain it. It also helps that some family is on some form of antidepressants so I don't have any shame around it. The only struggle is, is finding the right meds at first that make you feel better with little to no side effects. I wish you the best!
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TitlennI feel like I have progressed in every part when it comes to my social anxiety but the one thing that I still cannot do is joining a conversation of people already talking. I have no idea what to say, what to do, i'm afraid of being too much or seeming desperate. Sometimes i try to do it and I stand there and smile and nod but it doesn't seem to be enough and I feel ridiculous in these kind of situations
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Thanks I will try that!
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A lot of people are grateful for it, but I actually don't want to talk to someone if I feel they're doing it out of obligation or because they feel bad for me. It makes me feel even worse.
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I agree, it makes me feel like I'm below them
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We all know the fears we get with social interaction. Are they judging my outfit, am I talking weird, did I just say something stupid, do they think I'm stupid because I'm not saying anything, etc. nnIt would be easy just to ignore all those thoughts, right?... well, even if it was... How do you know which ones are actually legitimate? For example is the impulse against accosting random people on the bus legitimate or are you just afraid to make new friends? How about on the street? At what point is it actually reasonable to assume you would bother someone or creep them out? With social anxiety it seems like almost every thought is legitimate so there is a huge grey area and I literally can't tell. And if I put myself into the other person's shoes it's not going to be accurate because I'm lonely and want other people to take the leap and talk first instead of me, there is no guarantee everyone will feel the same.
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There's something that stops normal people from talking to complete strangers in inappropriate situations.nFear or anxiety are wrong words for it though, it's just some kind of a social
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I turn into a 70 years old with fuckin Parkinson's when i step outside. This shit is more serious than my adhd.
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I feel ya. I don't shake, but I do sweat, which makes me feel self conscious and stress, which makes me sweat more! It's an awful cycle.
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Lately I've been practising this idea of “assuming approval”. So when I go for walks I try to see people as if they are someone I'm already close with like a specific family member or friend. I try to think, with the people I'm comfortable with, how do I interact with them, what is my body language? Am I worrying about anything. This seems to completely lower the pressure for me in social interactions. nnSo anyways I go on a walk today and I see this lady and her tiny dog is carrying a large pine cone, which I thought was kind of funny. Now I thought to myself, normally I would say something if this was a friend. So I decided to make a comment. I looked at the dog and I said “wow that's a nice pinecone you got there” . The owner and I had a laugh. nnNow this is something I NEVER DO. I wouldn't even attempt to do this even a year ago. nnI've been dealing with social anxiety my whole life but mostly since I was around 16. I'm 26 now. I feel like this is a major milestone for me and proves to me how far I've come.nnMy advice for anyone who's starting their journey. If you keep working at it, it will get better. There is hope and light at the end of the tunnel.
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Exactly! Very similar approach. I feel it accomplishes the same goal.
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Does anyone else think that being a only child in some way gives you social anxiety??
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Probably not. I grew up with two other siblings and still have social phobias.
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I (24F) don't know what to do with my life. I have ideas and plans but whenever I want to take action , I just lose motivation. I didn't go to college because I wasn't interested in school. I currently work at a fast food place and when I go home, I can't help but just being my lazy ass Self just watching tv and it feels like I'm wasting my life away. Im currently single and want to stay single because I'm currently working on my mental health and it's not fair to put someone else through that if I'm not mentally stable. I also suffer from social anxiety and can't keep relationships. Im to myself mostly all of the time but this goes way back since I was in kindergarten. I sometimes wish I can sleep forever but I can't do anything selfish because I don't want to my family to go through anything traumatic. Even though all I want, is to just float away so I won't have to deal with any problems. I also have impulsive actions and that's how I have $7,000 in credit card debt.
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Don't worry majority of people have absolute no idea what they want to do. Me being one of them. One day at a time. Take the time here and there to apply to other jobs you might want.
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So BIL moved in with our house (parents house) and basically an addition to the family, he seems like a swell guy, but he's still someone I need to get comfortable with. My family is a bunch of introverts and I'm no exception (my sister is too and I'm amazed how she got married and handled all that interaction in the wedding ceremony) but I'm the most outgoing person to my BIL when compared to my other siblings, so I have to interact with him everyday in the house but I'm never without the sheer nervousness, of what to say. I know I'll get comfortable with him soon and hopefully but just want advice in the meantime.
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My therapist once asked me a question that I'll now ask you: are you sure that it's your responsibility to maintain a discussion with another person? Why should it be more of a responsibility on your shoulders than on another ones?
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Just looking for stories or lists of things you've experienced purely because of anxiety or depression.nnI've read the
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For me the biggest is/was vomiting. At worst like multiple times a day. Other than that diarrhea, headaches, palpitations, all the usual suspects. Although the majority of the rest were just passing fads over periods. nnThe weird thing is these symptoms you feel like they are real, but at the same time, they are made-up in your head. But you manifest them and they become almost part of your routine. nnFor me, once I started getting anxious I would feel sick, and occasionally I would throw up. Then as things got worse, I would throw up more, then eventually associating being sick with feeling better. Meaning some times if I was feeling anxious I would make myself be sick.nnBreaking those sorts of cycles, where you know, or at least can try to convince yourself that they are all in your head, really was the crux for me of being able to deal with anxious situations. I still feel sick now in some situations, but I know that I haven't actually thrown up due to an anxious situation for years. So I try my best to ignore that bit of my brain telling me I am going to throw up.nnI hope that helps if that's the sort of description you are looking for.
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anxiety about standing out for it be damnednnI used to be so anxious about what my mouth was doing when I got lost in thought. Mask on? Don't gotta worry about it.nnThere's other benefits, but they all fled my mind the moment I started writing the post so that's cool.
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I wore my face mask for three months last year during which it temporarily wasn't mandatory in my country. It was surprisingly easy to get used to stares - and people did stare. Now I actually feel weird if I don't wear a mask in public. Definitely keep it if it helps with your anxiety.
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Or at least made it more manageable
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I still struggle a lot with my anxiety, but it's been a lot more manageable lately.nI pushed myself to go out even on days where I was struggling. I avoided self checkout so I'd have to interact with someone even if it was a simple
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Can anyone share how long it took for Paxil to take effect? Been almost 2 weeks and still have severe anxiety and nausea. nThanks
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Checking in. How are you?
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I've been following this subreddit for around a month now and I rarely see positive posts. And honestly I could understand why, the thought of socialising makes my heart beat faster and I got very anxious. Iam basically SCARED of people.nnIs there anyone here who managed to overcome their SA? Therapy? Just force yourself to go and socialize? Got an extrovert to adopt you? Or you embrace it and never got out of the house?nnEdit : also if seems like it's very common for us to get mocked randomly based on this subreddit. It happens to me a few times too, I participated in school competition and had to send my essay to this random building I never even get in. Understandably, I didn't know where should I go and I guess behaved awkwardly.nnAn old man in the receipting straight up mocked me and told me to 'grow a spine'. Then my friend arrived and he immediately praised her saying 'See, this is how good upstanding future adult should act' nnAll I did was missing the receiption table and instead looking around awkwardly, they called to me and I come! There's nothing wrong with that, I don't understand why he's so offended.
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You'll get there. Shopping is still hard for me, but I can do the basics out of necessity. I usually don't stay long, either, because I find the process so exhausting. But I can do it, and I don't freak out if a store clerk asks if I need any help (I used to quietly reply no, and then have to leave because my anxiety became too much). And, yes, the anticipation of anxiety can be just as bad as the anxiety itself.
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Especially if its someone from opposite gender that you like? I have to clasp my hands tightly behind me if I'm standing and talking to a girl I like because they start shaking visibly. Sometimes even my stomach and chest get these shakes. I'm scared to even drink tea when I'm talking with them because I might spill it.nnIs this still anxiety or is something else wrong with me. (I'm in my 20s btw, not even teenage hormones or anything)
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Sometimes I get these even when I'm talking with my friends and family if I'm talking about something I'm passionate about
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does anybody else experience memory loss after a heightened period of social anxiety or just anxiety in general? it happens to me often. for example, if i am at a family or friends gathering i'll forget if i said hi to someone so i end up greeting them twice. another example is when i had an awards ceremony for school, i have absolutely no recollection of it. i had to ask my friend if i went up to get my award. it becomes embarrassing. is this normal with social anxiety?
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No, I sometimes forget words when talking to people I'm anxious around but not whole events. It probably is a symptom of your anxiety but I would speak to a doctor about this if I were you.
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When I'm in very uncomfortable situations I use alcohol if it is available. I love the person I am when I drink alcohol, I don't feel anxious, I talk to people and make jokes, etc. I can be myself. I don't like to drink alcohol but it is the only way I can feel good in that situations. Is it there any way I can train my brain to be like that without alcohol? At the end I see that this social anxiety is something that can be changed, but is it there a way to arrive there without drugs?
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I'm not sure this applies to everyone but I'll give you my experience. I had to literally force myself to open up a bit, I was always worried about making and maintaining conversation so I overcame this by just giving a friendly smile- usually with colleagues you can talk about the normal (how's your day etc). nOver time I became more confident and realised that perhaps I was an extrovert disguised as an introvert. I love meeting people and I never shut up, of course I still get nervous but it comes with practice.nCan you train your brain? Yes Does it work for everyone? Probably not.
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I work in a supermarket in a department kinda off to the side. I sometimes work with a guy who I really get along with well. He's very open, and I find conversations with him very easy, but I feel like I can only offer him so much socially. nnHe's very outgoing and is friends with many people throughout the store who I have never talked to. when its quiet he'll sometimes go and chat to other friends. I guess is general I have two things going on:nn1. I find one-on-one interactions with people relatively easy (after I've known them for a while). However, the idea of approaching a group where I know one person well and no one else is terrifying. I feel like I need to know everyone on an individual basis before joining in with the group.nn2. I know this guy really likes working and chatting with me, he gets excited when we have shifts together (I've heard this from multiple other people). But I can clearly see that I can only offer him so much, as he frequently talks to other people, which can make me jealous.nnI feel like he will join my list of temporary friends as he continues to make better friendships with other people. Temporary friendships have basically been the story of my life from age 12-22.nnAnyhoo, I wanted to get that off my chest as I've just finished a 6 hour shift with him and found myself feeling weirdly emotional about things. Any advice much appreciated.n
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He enjoys talking to you, so why are you worried that he might grow tired of it? Believe in yourself, and know that the things you do are interesting to him, you can talk about your day, or your interests, or whatever. What does he like to talk about? Do you have common interests? If you have nothing in common, then I can understand that it would be hard to make a lasting friendship. But if there is things you two have in common, then put in your two cents, and don't worry if it seems to you that what you have to say is uninteresting, I guaranty he will be interested.
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but like. Are you guys constantly worried about what other think?? Like is it to the point that if you're by yourself and you doing something u201cweirdu201d that you kinda snap out of reality and just wondernn What if so-and-so were here and saw what you were doing??nnAnd then snap back into reality and just stop being u201cweirdu201d. nnAnd by u201cweirdu201d I mean like something goofy or some action that is abnormal in a funny way, but if seen by someone else would caused them to dislike you. nnOr maybe I'm just up my own ass cuz I'm stoned. Anyways I doubt ppl willl seee this so gn
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Everyone thinks that. Some people can ignore these thoughts and do what they want.
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Me: Did you know that I am almost certain I have social anxiety nnFriend: hahahannMe: …nnMe: what's funny?nnFriend: Don't knownnMe: You do know that it makes nearly every day to day task a lot harder nnFriend: oknnI don't know what to think about it, I was hoping for some sort of acknowledgment or anything but this is what I get ( I thought I would post this here because I this sub is the only thing I can relate to when it comes to SA)nnEdit: I sent back saying that I was hoping to feel better by telling them about it and he responded saying ‘I thought it was a sarcastic joke', did I do something wrong to make it seem that waynnEdit 2: I forgot to mention that this was done by message so to me they seemed a lot more disrespectful than it would've be in person, it's also why I was so rude in the reply to what he said
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Same, from the outside I can kind of understand where they were coming from but actually having it is anything but
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Sorry if this is not the place for this.nnSo I know this girl for some time now who is suffering from anxiety disorder and depression for more than 5 years. We became friends and I developed feelings for her that go beyond friendship.nnNow I really want to help her or at the very least not make her situation any worse but on the other hand I also would like to just ask her if the feeling is mutual.nnThis puts me in an unpleasant situation where I have to decide between her wellbeing and my own selfish wish, hence my post.nnI think she likes me but then again I always have to initiate texting and ask to meet then again I read that this doesn't seem to uncommon for people like her.nnIf we are together in person we get along well, I think she gets me like not many others do.nnShe tells me about her fears and about things that are stressing her and because of that I feel that just staying friends is the better option for her because so I don't make it worse (not yet sure if I can do that though).nnAlso I think we do get along at least partly because I am not the happiest person myself so that maybe also isn't a good basis for a relationship.nnI know that you probably can't really give me an answer but just reading a few opinions would probably help. nLike if you were in her situation what would you do? nIf you also had feelings how/would you show them? nWould you ask yourself?nnThanks!
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You guys sound so cute! nKeep listening to her, understanding her, and being there for her. That is the greatest gift you can give someone is your presence. nIf you were to tell her your feelings for her or ask her about hers, make sure it's at the right time. nI think your mutual understanding is a good indicator. Remember soulmates can be platonic too, but if you want an intimate relationship I think you should go for it. nThat's all my shitty advice has to offer. Hope it helps. Happy for y'all <3
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Hey, I'm new here. I know this sub is mostly memes, but can I ask a question?nnRecently, I noticed that I can't keep eye contact for a long time. Even if it was a close friend, I wouldn't dare to look them in the eyes. I feel scared in someway. Do you know any way I can solve this problem?
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I don't really have any tips, just came to say I feel the same way. It's actually disrespectful in some cultures to make too much eye contact, and I definitely feel like it's abrasive and intense a lot of the time. Feels very vulnerable and exposing. I don't want people to think I'm distracted, ignoring them, not listening to them, etc, so I just buck up and do it. But then I find myself blinking too much, which people notice. Ugh. Coming off insecure or meek feels awful, so I'm with ya
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Well I've officially turned 19, and I've never had a job. The longer I go without getting a job, the more terrified I get. I can tell my dad is disappointed in me, and I feel like a failure. I'm currently going to college as a full time student, and during the summers I take one or two online classes. I've hoped that doing school during the summer was enough to convince my parents I wasn't a loser and waste of space because I didn't have a job. But I feel they're getting tired of me being at the house most of the time. Or maybe that's just me. The problem is, every time I think of a job I might want to do, I find a reason to reject it. I'm terrible with people. Absolutely terrible. And I've thought of jobs that have less contact, like being a lifeguard or working at a plant shop where I just water stuff. But I'm fucking terrified of letting someone drown. I feel like my heart would be beating out of my chest the entire time I'm on shift. And with the flower shop, what if someone asks me where to find a type of plant? I don't know shit about plants. I could probably only name about five types of plants. I feel that I'm too much of a socially inept dumbass to get a job.nnLast summer, I forced myself to apply to work at American Eagle. I thought it would be pretty cool to get a discount for the clothes and work somewhere that smells nice. Eventually they got back to me, asking for me to come to an interview. I don't know what happened. I just seized up and couldn't even fathom that idea. I have no experience, and I just knew they would be able to see my awkwardness. I realized that working at a clothing store was not feasible for me. Fuck, I can't even say hello back to the store worker when they welcome me. I just give them a half smile and look down, praying that they don't find me rude. Anyway, I never replied to them. So now that ones off the table forever. If I tried again they'd say, 'oh that's the fuck that never responded to us, next' and I don't blame them one bit.nnIf you've struggled with this, how did you overcome it? Any advice at all is appreciated
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Yeah same happened to me, I sucked at talking to people. When I got a job I learned a few things and felt more confident in knowing that I could help someone out so the social part wasn't even in my mind. It is kinda like talking to a wall that asks you a question or two and will possibly ask you something personal. Which sounds kind of rude but that's how it feels. I have also taken this concept and actually have become a more social person. So I think it is more your view than anything. If you can talk to someone Atleast five times in my opinion you will see that there will be improvements and you won't be as scared. It's the first time that's the hardest you just have to consciously think I need to do this and do it, if you sound awkward don't give up. You may be a bit awkward but everyone was at some point. It's called being a noob. I was terrified when I first started talking to people.turns out I'm not half bad at it.
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When faced with situations, such as being near a girl, watching an emotional movie in a group, and people asking certain questions, I blush. My super pale skin turns a
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I have rosacea and the one blessing from it is that my face always has a reddish tone, so unless I'm very embarrassed, people don't notice as much.
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if so how come and is it positive or negative?
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Yep, and the stress of not knowing how to respond to certain things, but feeling like you HAVE to respond to some stuff, because if you don't, what will people think? And the pressure of how to present yourself, and if it's too curated you feel like a phony, but if it's not curated enough you feel like a loser. Etc etc etc.
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nhttps://www.mind-diagnostics.org/social_anxiety-test?utm_source=AdWords&utm_medium=Search_PPC_m&utm_term=social%20anxiety%20test_e&utm_content=85545497963&network=g&placement=&target=&matchtype=e&utm_campaign=7208757594&ad_type=mind-diagnostics&adposition=&gclid=Cj0KCQiA7oyNBhDiARIsADtGRZYVuhEjSyK-6TV10Ecs8xiPaoB6bwNfGgJ00p5JxwJ68XyXXnCxIngaAhJGEALw_wcBnnnFound a SA test not sure it's that good , wondering what everyone would score
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Wow wait, so the solution to being an insecure, socially inept person who can't make eye contact is being more secure, more socialising and just not being afraid of eye contact? Why am I even going to a therapist, wish found this comment earlier smh…
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I really can't function in certain social interactions I feel my heart race, I can't talk calmly with the opposite sex, Im a good looking male who exercises and has a healthy lifestyle but my anxiety is just so overwhelming I literally get paranoid people are judging my every move. Sweating, shaking and my facial emotions becoming shaky literally ruin my day
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Oh I'm also in the UK, I'm going to uni soon and I feel like I really need some medication to cope with that. Were you able to get it instantly? Also is it expensive?
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My friends make a joke -> I don't get it. Everyone is laughing -> It's at me. I do anything -> No one normal would have done that. I have a fear of being autistic and if i ever get diagnosed i think i would just die inside. I feel like I'm just a joke and everyone is secretly joking about me and i haven't figured it out yet because i am truly autistic.
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Dude...this 1000% me...this is actually crazy how much this is me. I'm afraid I'm autistic as well and also having a low iq I honestly would become suicidal. That would be my breaking point.
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I graduated college 2 years ago and still haven't found a job in my field, mostly due to my SA. :( I get scared when I apply for jobs and feel like I'm not good enough.nnI thought after 2 years, this feeling would subside, but after seeing a job posting today, I realized it's still there. When I read job descriptions, I just can't help but feel like I don't have what it takes or it's too anxiety inducing. For example, duties such as, 'working closely with senior level employees' scare me!nnIn school I was able to handle this, but in recent years my anxiety has gotten so bad that it prevents me from even trying things! I don't know how to re-frame my mind so that I don't keep letting my SA win.
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While I'd agree that it's not the be-all-end-all, networking _is_ valuable, even if it can be a pain. I don't have a very big direct network, about equal parts former coworkers and the few people I hang out with now and then. But most of the jobs I've been hired for were because I knew someone who knew someone who knew someone who was looking for someone with my skills, which is good because I freaking hate cold-calling to get work. Personally, I like LinkedIn because it helps me maintain and expand my network without having to go to
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Hey,nnI started university six weeks ago and it comes with lots of socialising, group work and meeting new people. Also so many presentations ud83dude23 I thought I was doing well, it didn't feel too overwhelming most of the time. In addition to this I started dating again which makes me feel 1000 forms of fear. All of this makes it hard for me to stay present, I pretty much constantly dissociate and feel as if I'm not really there.. nnAll of the rain drops of the past weeks formed a sea of shame and embarrassment in which I'm currently drowning. I feel utterly flawed and like I've shown too much of myself. It's not like I made huge mistakes or said anything completely off, it's just I feel as if I was too honest and showed too much of u201dmy true coloursu201c. Can I hide forever pleasennThanks for taking the time to read this haha I don't know what I expected from this but feel free to comment ud83dude48
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Do you feel better after posting this?
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Hey, so I (20F) have social anxiety and I got a PC not too long ago to play games and get more into gaming because my boyfriend and a few of my friends play stuff and I feel like it could be a fun hobby to get into. However, I have a major mental block about playing online games and having to talk to other people, such a teammates. I guess it might be because I'm newer to the gaming scene so I am admittedly not very good at games and then I just get so discouraged if I don't do well so I end up not wanting to play because I feel bad for my teammates that I am so bad. As a result, I never improve my skills because I just give up due to fear of failure and socializing. nnI don't know how grow out of this or get over my fears so any advice would be appreciated!
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Thank you, I appreciated the advice and validation. I just get so caught up in my own thoughts and worries I forget to enjoy myself
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Every time I look at him I get really bad anxiety, he is 4 years older than me and when he can't get his way he fights for it. One time it was the littlest thing, closing MY OWN bedroom door I accidentally closed it so it was touching the back of his foot he turns around and pushed me so I hit the wall. I'm scared
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It may not seem like much but for a small girl to get pushed by someone who's 4 years older than her. It hurts and it's scary
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I'm pushing people away again and pretending I'm fine. Its just easier that way. It keeps me safe. I'm not really a person anymore. I don't have any personality. I just do the shit I have to do and get back into my bed. I'm not passionate about anything, I don't have dreams, goals, hopes or plans or any of that. I live everyday hoping it will be my last. I don't want to do anything, I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to talk to anyone. Talking about it hasn't helped. It's just hurt the people I've told. And some people need me to be ok. So I'll pretend I'm ok for them. I tell myself I can deal with this but really, I'm struggling to stay alive. I really want to be gone. Life just seems so pointless. If this is what life is going to be like I don't want to stick around for it. There's nothing to live for. I just can't kill myself quite yet because of the people that care about me. And the people that depend on me to keep them breathing. I feel like I'm living on autopilot. I'm not even here most of the time. Yet the majority of people believe the lie that I'm ok. How do I make it stop? I just don't believe it will ever be better. idk. There's a lot of factors behind this but just how did you, if you have overcome similar feelings, do it. What was the turning point for you? What made you want to live again?
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Don't give up! Take it step by step, learn to enjoy life again!
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To avoid talking at a barbershop?
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omg it really is it takes me so long!!
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I don't know who you are, but I can tell you one thing: WE WILL FUCKING SUCCEED! WE WILL NOT BACK DOWN! WE WILL NOT GIVE UP! WE WILL NOT SURRENDER TO THIS FUCKING DISORDER! Whether through therapy, medicine, psychology or whatever, you and I are going to make it till the end! It doesn't matter what age we are - 20 or 60, till the last breath we can fight this fucking thing. And another thing: we are beautiful people. We are wanted. We are loved. We are precious. Don't let these fucking thoughts that come into your head tell you otherwise. nnWE ARE GOING TO FUCKING MAKE IT, NO BUTS, NO MAYBES, WE WILL WIN THIS BATTLE!
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I agree with you, but this is a post, not a person bro.
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I'm at the age where a lot of people are getting married and they all have a wedding party (groomsman, bridesmaids, maid of honor, best man), and I always wonder “how do people have all these close friends?!” I don't have any friends at all, so I guess I'm jealous and bitter - It makes me feel more isolated than I already am. I am always worried for when I get married and have no one to stand with me… even though I don't have a partner rn/don't meet people because of my social anxiety lol so idk why I worry so much about it. I guess it's just a reminder of how lonely I am. nnDoes anyone else ever think of this?
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This was really good insight - I always forget that the things I feel I “need” are just a product of good ol' capitalism lol. Everyone looks happy in wedding pictures but I guess you never know what's actually happening behind the scenes. I also read somewhere that some hire people to be bridesmaids… crazy that women feel the need to do this instead of enjoying the day :(
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Hey there everyone, I think we all know how much anxiety can take away from our lives. But it isn't unbeatable, and from time to time we do claim victories over it, whether we want to admit it or not. So I figure we can just start a positive thread here of people beating back their anxiety, and celebrate those wins!nnI'll start off by saying this post in and of itself is a win for me, since although I feel this post may helpful, I really don't wanna come across as insincere or intolerant of everyone's problems. I legitimately hope that bringing our positive experiences together can help prove beating anxiety is possible, even if it doesn't feel like it. nnSo post away, and please don't be offended or upset or anything over this (just struggling with my own anxiety here, pay this no mind, gonna click post any minute now...)
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That's so great!! I still can't do it. I never know if a person actually likes me and when i know them for long enough to ask them to do something. I've actually never done that i think. I just don't know how it works.
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I feel like I can't really point to one thing but perhaps there was one. What about you?
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Bullying
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?nn(https://www.reddit.com/poll/u3ww6g)
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Yea I'm 27, I honestly don't think I'm going to make like this much longer. It's too much
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I've begun to write posts on this subreddit a number of times but have always given up on them before posting. Yesterday I spent over an hour writing one, only to delete it because of... well, social anxiety. I felt like an idiot for writing such a long post, so I'm going to make this a short one and just post it (writing this afterward, I see that I've gone way over my planned character limit, as always seems to happen).nnI'm 24/f and have had social anxiety my entire life. In the past I've been heavily against taking prescription medication of any kind (because it's 'unnatural', a scam, I wouldn't be myself, it would be a show of weakness as I should just be able to get over it myself, etc).nnHowever, I feel completely trapped lately and am beginning to consider medication again. I always thought I'd be far ahead of where I am now in life. I had high anxiety when I was a teenager, but I actually took pride in it on some level. Life was shit at the time, but I thought that eventually I'd get over it and everything would work out. But the fact that I'll be 25 soon, am still living in my parents' house, I don't have my driver's license or a job, I haven't had a friend in 10 years, and my anxiety only seems to be getting worse, shows that perhaps it isn't going to get better on its own. nnI can summon motivation to do a number of things that don't involve human interaction. I'm in school in one of the best fields for jobs and close to earning my bachelor's degree. But as soon as anything I want to do requires a hint of social interaction, I hit an insurmountable wall. I cannot even talk to my parents because I feel constant guilt and judgement from them - worse than I do from the general public.nnI can't pass someone on the sidewalk without getting extremely anxious because I feel that they're judging my every action (even though I know consciously they couldn't care less about my existence). So how can I possibly attend a job interview - an event for which I'd literally be there so that people can judge me? It's unfathomable. Even though I should be able to get a job in my field (computer science) really easily, I just can't bring myself to take any steps toward it because I'm petrified of job interviews. Memories of my mom forcing me to Starbucks interviews and how horribly those went when I was a teenager still haunt me.nnI cannot act like I feel comfortable around people even when I am. My face gives off a perpetually 'worried' look and I don't know if there's anything I can do to change that. I've been in a legitimately good mood before and people in public still ask me what's wrong, if I'm okay, or tell me that I look 'lost'. The knowledge that I always look like I'm about to cry even when I'm not only makes my anxiety far worse. I never wore makeup in the past (strange, I know, long story), but have started to wear it again just for this reason. Perhaps that is helping somewhat.nnLike most people with social anxiety, of course I was bullied in elementary school. In high school I was a ghost. I have a boyfriend (who lives in the US, I'm Canadian), but I haven't had an actual friend since I was 13 and I cannot even imagine being friends with another woman. Very short conversations have been struck up with classmates, but nothing ever 'clicks'. When I hear other people talking to one another, I can sense this sort of bond forming between them, a sense of understanding. But even when I'm trying to be friendly, my anxiety is so obvious that the person doesn't feel comfortable around me, and eventually they give up.nnThe main problem I'm struggling with now is that I want so badly to be independent, to not rely on my parents' money. I think I have a natural urge to be independent and feel as though I should be by now. I almost never talk to my family. Even walking into a room which one of my parents are in causes so much anxiety in me because I feel constant guilt, constant fear that they're going to ask me when I'm going to get my driver's license, or get a job, or why I never talk to them. They know I have anxiety, but they seem to see it as something I just need to get over, even though they aren't very social themselves and my mom has intense anxiety herself. Every so often she yells at me, has an outburst and demands to know why I don't talk to her. My anxiety gets far worse when someone is yelling at me, especially her due to all the guilt (which I won't get into now), so I just go silent, which upsets her even more. Sometimes while entering a room I'll consider saying 'hi' to her but usually can't bring myself to it, and half the time I do, she doesn't seem to hear me. The fact that she has occasional outbursts in which she's half yelling, half crying, makes her terrifying to me. I cannot have a regular conversation with her even when she seems to be in a good mood for this reason.nnI feel like I'm living in a perpetual hell. I'm trapped in my bedroom all of the time because I'm afraid to go downstairs, and that has pretty much been my life for about 10 years. I feel perpetually trapped in a teenage state of mind in which I have angst toward my parents, like I'm being held back mentally because of it, trapped in a juvenile state of dependence on my parents long after I should have been free of them. I want to get out of this house so badly, and to have financial independence, but the only way to do that would be to get a job, and I can't do that. Please don't bring up the
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I'm not familiar with Canada's system, but this website:nn http://m.ementalhealth.ca/index.php?m=article&ID=8898&r=Ottawa-Carletonnnsays that your family doctor is a good starting point. They can give you a referral and answer any other questions you have. nnI know just how hard it is to get the process started. I called three psychologists and waited months before I could get myself to follow through and make an appointment. And then once I got there, I could barely talk. But you know what? They're all,used to seeing people with these struggles. Everyone I've encountered so far has been very understanding. And they did a great job of connecting the dots, even though my mind was all over the place. nnI haven't tried medication yet, but there's a lot of evidence that it helps people. Even more so when in combination with CBT. My advice is definitely follow through and get help. I can't tell you how glad I am that I did it. And really the brain is a part of the body just like anything else. If something's wrong we have to do what we can to fix it. nnIf you need your parents to make the appointment, that's okay. Give yourself credit for being willing to work on this and open to getting help. Family is a lifelong support system and that support flows in both directions. If you decide to do it on your own, and tell them after, that's okay too. Whatever is best for you.nn
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..you don't want to be alone and desire a true social life, but your lack of basic social skills and fear of rejection and/or embarrassment hinders you and whatever progress you intend to make.nn
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Yes, I can relate. IME it's worth it to go out there and give life the business the best you can, and deal with the consequences. No matter how bad it gets it's always going to get better.
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I'm sick of hearing it.
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I've had social anxiety since I was a kid. Folks terrify me. But I'm slowly working on it.
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I'm okay around people I'm comfortable with, but it takes me months to warm up to people. If I'm in a room with one person I'm comfortable with and an acquaintance, I feel awkward and my movements seem really rigid to myself and probably others around me. I try to make small talk and end up sounding dumb. I'm confident with how I look and everything and I don't know why I feel so awkward around people I don't know. Before a social situation I'll go through in my head how I'll act and picture myself as being relaxed, charming, and friendly. It never works out. This is getting really frustrating. Any advice?
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How do you know other people will perceive you as rigid, sounding dumb, etc? You don't. And the truth is, most likely they don't think that at all. You just assume. I've learned this from experience. So try not to pay too much attention to how others might think of you and if you feel awkward don't flee, it'll pass.
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Hi, I just now discovered this sub and realized that I relate to a lot of the posts here. I'm really beaten up about something that happened recently and wanted to share and vent a little, and maybe get some advice if anyone has anything they'd like to share- I really want to grow and get better. Please let me know if this sort of post is breaking any rules!nnSome background: I've been a -shy- kid ever since I was young but I think that gradually developed into social anxiety after transferring to a small K12 mainly white/conservative school for high school, where I constantly felt anxious and intimidated by my peers. I'm in college now, I started in fall 2020 while COVID was a huge thing and everything was moved online. Now, I'm still struggling to make friends and generally don't do super well socially aside from two friends at college, two hometown friends, and my current partner.nnI've been in a relationship for the last couple of months- he lives at home w/ his older sister and her bf. They're nice and I do my best to say hi and talk to them and everything, but I know it isn't enough as they're both really outgoing and social people. They complained to my bf that I don't say hi or interact with them enough, which is why I was trying to do better. I think he tried to defend me and explain to them that I wasn't good at social interaction, but they kept pushing him about it. He's been pushing me to interact with them every time I'd visit, to the point where when we'd leave the house he'd force me to go into his sister's office -while- she was working (remotely) and say 'I'm leaving now, bye!'nnI told him one time that I was starting to feel uncomfortable around his sister when I came over bc I felt like she and her bf didn't like me + judged me if I didn't interact with them enough and it's just really tiring and stressful for someone with social anxiety. He was understanding, because he knows how social they are. But he keeps saying that it's their home, and all they want is hi and bye and 'it's easy', which genuinely seems fair to me- I was just overwhelmed bc it felt like they were still judging me even when I did do that. While he was in an argument with his sister, he apparently told her exactly what I told him in private.nnSo because of that, the last time I came over I was really anxious. I waved hi to his sister's bf and smiled at his sister when she came in the room. They didn't specifically say anything to me, the sister's bf had a brief conversation with me and I responded and laughed like normal. But when it was time to leave the next day, I was at the doorway and they were in the kitchen. I just couldn't get myself to go into the kitchen and say anything else. My bf kept telling me to go into the kitchen and say bye to them but I was frozen, so I didn't say go and bye that time. (It's not like they were in the room with me and I just walked out the door, they were over in the kitchen).nnHe told me that he understands that I have social issues but that was super rude, and apparently they grilled him about it later. I was really beaten up over it last night and wrote an apology note and was going to send over some of their favorite cookies, but he pretty much grilled me over text today and made me send them a video of myself apologizing. I cried in the middle of the video and pretty much spilled about how I've had social anxiety since I was young and that I'm sorry for acting -entitled-.nnI just feel so humiliated and hurt now. even though it might like something so small and unimportant. I feel like I was forced to spill some really private stuff as an explanation to these two people who I barely even know, my partner specifically wanted me to mention that I have social anxiety as an explanation, because he's tired of them getting mad at him because of me. It wasn't intentional. It's just not as easy for me as others. I'm so tired of being misunderstood.nnEdit: thank you so much to everyone who's commented so far. i am definitely having a serious talk with him and going to evaluate whether he's willing to understand my perspective and apologize or not. I think that the interaction thing may be a cultural standard, and I know that it's the polite thing to do but I've definitely realized that it shouldn't have been turned into such a big deal and I shouldn't be made to feel this way. Any additional insights/advice/similar stories would be greatly appreciated
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This. Boyfriend is way out of line. I don't understand why the sister and her bf care either? That's such a weird thing for people to do…nnOP, you have an anxiety disorder, you are not purposefully being rude, you have nothing to apologize for. You're doing the best you can and that is good enough. If your boyfriend is making you feel so bad for this, you absolutely can (and should in my opinion) break up with him. It's hard to judge someone's relationship based off a few sentences but I'm seeing major red flags with how controlling this situation is.
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I really don't hate myself. Like, I love spending time with myself and I think I have a lot of good qualities. But whenever I find myself in a social setting, especially with new people, I'm irrationally terrified. I turn painfully shy and often I'm so nervous that I'm visibly shaking. I guess in some cases I'm afraid that people won't like me, or that I lack social skills, but why do I feel this way if I like myself? I thought only people who hated themselves were afraid of not being liked. I do have a voice in my head that tells me I hate myself, but I've come to realize it's just a voice, not my own thoughts. I can separate it from what I think, and what I think is that I like myself.nnAm I just this way because I've been abused my whole life and my brain learned to think people hate me?nnAnd also, how the hell do I change this? Will I just stop being so nervous if I put myself in enough social situations?
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Do you have experience with that? Like, what does therapy for social anxiety actually look like? I honestly feel like there isn't much that a therapist can tell me that I don't already know
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I didn't want to post this yesterday bc I thought someone would tell me it's attention seeking.. nI don't care this time. I'm proud and I wanted to share. Even if no one else is proud of me :)
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You are very welcome!
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Whenever I try to sleep I keep having dreadful and depressing thoughts about my future (college life and jobs) and it just makes me unable to sleep properly
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Do you have any distractions on? I basically can only sleep if I have something running. So a TV with a sleep timer or something similar. Just trying to sleep with silence immediately turns the gears.
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I'm 22 and have never worked an
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OK, what's an Mrs.?
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As a child three girls bullied me for a bit. In high school people were mean and I felt alone and towards the end I had to cut people from my life because of how cruel they were. Now I'm at uni and once again I'm attracting toxic people. My roommate is a manipulator so I'm always alert when she's speaking to me. A guy showed interest in me but turned out to be just a flirt who gains power from other peoples feelings. What is it about me that attracts toxic people all the time. I've tried to keep it all together and keep working but I can't because I'm just so empty inside now. There's no point in crying and there's no point in fighting so I just sit, sigh and keep trying to keep up with the world. I'm a good person - I'm kind to everyone. Yet people don't seem to care about me, I'm not even sure who to trust anymore or what to do. I'm going home a lot now even tho I have a place at uni to avoid the people there. Out of all the shit I received in high school I worked my ass to get to uni in hopes of a better future - but all that future is, is just work and being hurt and let down by people over and over again. I'm so sick of it. You know what's the best thing you could be in this world, is a mean selfish person. Because you'll get far. If you're like me and kind, you'll just get picked on by the world and feel forever lost and hopeless and alone,
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Try picking out someone who sits next to you. Ask to borrow paper or something so that you've interacted. Then a day or two later, catch them as everybody leaves class and ask if they want to hang out after school and study together. If they say no, ask if they know anybody who does. Does that sound possible?
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It is happening a lot recently, my coworkers always have group conversations at work, and I really want to join them but when I try I find myself completely out of ideas or things to say, and my brain seems to suddenly shut down, so eventually I stay quiet or just make some small dull comments where I just complement what others are saying. nnI'm not able to improvise something original in a conversation without preparing for it ahead and it's so annoying.
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Why couldn't we improvise quickly like others? Do people with SA lack creativity /Originality?
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I'm 16 with Complex PTSD, severe anxiety, IED and MDD. I have an extensive history/present with mental and physical abuse. I'm under no therapy or medication- other than the wide variety of shit I shouldn't do, but fuck it we ball. nnToday is the third day I've been up. It started as a dull pain in my right arm at about 3 in the morning. By 6, I'm laying in my bed (I sleep on the floor. Lmfao) ready to cry because it's absolutely killing me. nnThe pain went from my right arm, to my shoulder blades, back and chest. I know my body or whatever is trying to force me into an anxiety attack or something. I can't breathe, I can literally feel my heartbeat in my chest and can hear it in my ear, I'm trembling and freezing. nnI have school work, cleaning, laundry, work, dinner to make, children to watch- I cannot just lay around, but I sincerely feel like I can't get up. nnI just need this to stop, for the love of all that is holy. nnPlease, how do I make it fucking stop? I don't want to have an attack and I don't want to feel like this
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The second one is called
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I've missed out on so many experiences, friends and memories, all because my anxiety makes me just unable to function. I'm 23 now and I've never been in a relationship, had sex or even fucking kissed someone before. And I just feel pathetic and childish, almost even guilty that I'm this old and still haven't experienced some of the most basic things. nnI want to change though, I want to date or even casually sleep with people but I have no idea how people do it. Like how do you just... talk to people??? Meet a partner???? Meet a new friend for God's sake??? nnI really am baffled how people do it but I would truly love any tips yall may have.
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I can't believe how relatable this is! You are 23 and still young, don't ever worry about finishing the race so soon. You are 23, you need to relax. You are doing amazing.
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As said in the title, I would be happy to help as much as possible with my own experience anyone who has any questions about it, hoping that it will be helpful to someone.nnlet's post here and share some advice with everyone..
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Ok sorry for the assumption, the 2002 in your name deceived me.nnAnd are those good friends of yours? If they make fun of maybe there is something wrong don't you think?nnI mean, are those funny and friendly jokes or more serious? nBecause every group of friends makes jokes about each others.
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1 every day you try to do a positive thing and at night you come here and write the positive thing/s that you did in the day. nn2 it's okay if you don't improve a lot, the important thing is that you come here nEVERY SINGLE NIGHT !!!!!! nn3 this challenge will last 66 days nn5 Feel free to start whenever you want .nn6 don't give up.
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I'm really glad to hear it.
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I GOT THE JOB!!! Thx to the ppl who replied to my comment about being stressed that helped me a lot
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Hey it's your first job don't worry about where it's at, at least it's something!
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I would imagine the majority of those who suffer with Social Anxiety are introverted but I'm curious if there is any correlation with the MBTI type. nnSince there is no poll option I'm going to comment the types and you can just like the comment if it's your type. nnI'll also place a link to the free test if you don't already know your type.nnhttps://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test
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INTJ here
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Have any of you with severe anxiety gotten Covid? How did you cope with it?
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I have anxiety and COVID has been a mixed bag. I REALLY live remote work, but I find worrying about my health and actually seeing people really tough. The prospect of losing my job soon definitely sucks and I'm not looking forward to it at all.
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I need some advice. I've had the worst luck with therapists/counsellors/psychologists. I've had one who called me judgemental any time I said anything remotely disparaging about my university, one who spent most of the sessions telling me stories about how great her life was when she was my age, and a few other not so great ones over the years. I've been put off seeking help after counsellor number 7, but I decided I needed help again. I met with another counsellor who seemed great in our first meeting. We arranged another session 2 weeks later, and I came along but he never showed. I stood outside in the rain for over 20 minutes (no waiting room) and tried knocking and opening the door but nobody was in. I didn't get any notification that the session was cancelled. I mentioned what happened to my family and they think I should call him and try to arrange another session, but I don't know if I can trust him after that. Should I keep trying?
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LOL. This is fucking horrible advice.
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I am in a seriously rough spot. Lost my job and am facing a criminal case because I had my first completely dissociative episode while at work about a week and a half ago. I'm desperately trying to find a professional who can actually help me. nnAll I want to do right now is leave my apartment and go to the gym for a little bit, even just a walk on the treadmill would be good. I have been afraid to drive since my episode and even though my gym is only 10mins away I get INTENSE anxiety every time I try to leave and I end up just curling up on the couch. I could really use some words of encouragement.
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What are you diagnosed with ?
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Seriously i wish i am antisocial in a sense that i dont like people... Or i hate most people but its the opposite. I actually like most people and hated a few of them.nnThat what makes my social anxiety very hard. I crave and needs social interaction. I wanted to be friendly but just couldnt bring myself to be one...
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Me too, I always got carried by my extroverted friends. But since I moved to the US I don't have a single friend, it's been 3 years and all I do on the weekends is crawl in my bed bored as hell, but too embarrassed to find someone to hang out with
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Im trying to make a plan for me.. some kind of a list of uncomfortable tasks i would do on daily basis to lower my anxiety like for example asking a stranger for directions, making phone call etc.nnId like to know if you have any ideas what those ,,tasks
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Dating, I went on a date tonight and that really stretched me to the limit, but I feel better now.
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This post is gonna sound extremely pathetic. I have Snapchat so I'd be able to make some new friends without getting their number. I posted something on my story that I found funny and I keep thinking people are misinterpreting it and think I'm weird because they didn't understand that I was being ironic. nnSo I deleted my story and now I feel like a coward.
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No I understand that sm :(nI JUST got the courage to at one of my friends in one of my TikTok videos and after two days when I had an anxiety attack over something else I took it down. But ik that they didn't judge me at all and I'm gonna try again :)nExposure therapy is pretty much the only way to get better I think and I was so so proud for the time I left those videos up. It seems like the post you made was actually really funny and ironic. If you don't feel comfortable you can always post someone else, but I think it was a perfectly reasonable thing to post :)
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Today I had to fill some form but I needed more time to do that, so I contacted my professors and surprisingly he was nice almost like he didn't care!!! I'm so proud of myself for contacted him instead of being scared like always hahahahanI didnt even know what I was scared about!!
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Thank you! I know it's not much but it's a baby step!!
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