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Does anyone else struggle with this? Every job I've had so far (I'm 22f) I feel like I can't do it. I get so anxious before every single shift. I'm anxious at work. My mind is constantly racing. I don't know what to do anymore because I obviously need money and need to work. All I want to do is sleep. I'm exhausted everyday and it's so hard to go to work. My job isn't even bad which is the funny part. Even though I know it's not bad my anxiety constantly tortures me. I get scared to leave my house which also doesn't help. nnIs anyone currently dealing with this or has someone dealt with this? I feel alone because my bf, friends, siblings, parents all go to work like it's nothing. They may not like their jobs but they aren't like how I am about it. How do I fix this?
Thank you for the advice! I've been on prozac for a long time but I feel like it doesn't always work for me
I'm a loner and an extreme-introvert. I completed high school a couple of years ago but now I'm too scared to get a job. I hated school and didn't have any career goals so I decided not to go to college. Since I have no social connections and am afraid of interacting with people, I'm not doing anything and my career is advancing nowhere. I wish people weren't so nasty to mennAnyone else feel the same?
That would certainly be helpful but I'm just nervous to get out there and do an interview. It's pathetic
Sometimes I think about it and I don't know, I'm not sure I can see myself having a partner that doesn't freak out because of my social anxiety. But at the same time, there is still hope, haha! So I'm not giving up until I find the right person.
I would experience this constantly while growing up, but now looking back I feel like it was mostly due to societal pressures. I remember I was in 7th grade and I still hadn't kissed a boy (no biggie) but most of my friends already had. And I never was one to date around as I got older or even get into so many serious relationships. After the years have gone by and now that I'm a stable, healthy relationship, I feel thankful my social anxiety stopped me from dating around and just kinda waited for the right person to come along instead. Because let's be honest, teenage boys/young adults SUCK lol
Does anyone else feel as though they may be affected by this? My current obsession is Smite.nnOn the one hand, I still manage to work a full-time job, I haven't neglected anything major, and my hygiene is perfectly fine, but I spend a significant amount of my days off (and the hours after work) either playing or thinking about it. And sometimes I find myself putting off errands that I need to run, or really just forgetting to leave the house.nnI hate it, but at the same time, it's the most fun I've had in a while.nnIs anyone else having a similar experience?
I think gaming does bring wih it a sense of continuous accomplishment (another level, a new ability) that people like myself don't necessarily obtain fom the rest of life. However, I know from past experiences that when I do make friends (or meet a girl), I quite readily give up gaming and everything else to go out with them. Right now, I think gaming just occupies a void in my life.
I dont know theres just something about it. Its a non showey color. It doesn't express anything, its just.. dark and sad. I love it.
Yes I love black I live in black clothes
I sometimes listen to music now and I imagine myself on stage playing the song and making an idiot of myself. I have so many thoughts relating to social embarrassment :/
I do that at home but I can't do that in front of my parents cuz it makes me feel embarrassed and weird. You're not alone.
**25F.**nn**Hi everyone. Hope you're alright.** n**I'm asking for your help. Please.** n**I've struggled with anxiety and depression since I was 17 years old. My parent's relationship was very unhealthy, my dad was chronically unemployed and he treated my mom badly. When I was very young, he talked to other women sexually in my room at night, when he thought I was sleeping, because that's where the computer was. I would stay awake all night, sick to my stomach and paralysed. Couldn't bring myself to talk to him about how I was feeling.** n**I'd be very tired in the morning, and started skipping most classes in high school, but my dad agreed that he would justify my absenses as long as I had good grades, which I managed to do. What I failed to see back then, is that I was losing self-discipline.** n**When I was a child, he'd ask me to lie to my mom and tell her he was at work when he spent all day in bed. He was also very jealous and would ask me to keep an eye on my mom when I went somewhere with her. It was all very toxic but I had my friends, which helped a bit.** n**When my parents separated, against my dad's wish, I was about to start university and had to move to a new city with my mom. u201cLosingu201d my friends like that was really harsh.** n**I had no motivation and made it through the 1st year barely leaving my house u2013 I only showed up for the exams.** n**Eventually I lost myself and couldn't even go then. I made the decision to move to another university that was a bit closer, but stayed in the same course.** n**Fast forward to today, it's been 6 years that I've started university and I still haven't finished. My depression and anxiety got worse, along with paralysing hypochondria, insomnia and crippling self-doubt.** n**I'm finally on the last year of the course, but still left 3 difficult subjects behind, so technically even if I passed everything this year, I'd still have to stay for another year.** n**At this point, I feel pathetic, like a waste of space. For the last 4 years I've worked part-time for my uncle, but it's not even a real company as he is kind of a freelancer, so I doubt that it would count much for my resume.** n**I panic at the thought of getting a u201crealu201d job, as I don't think I could show up more than 2 days in a row, before having a mental breakdown.** n**I feel like I don't have the mental structure to get through anything, that I am not capable of consistency. It terrifies me, because before I started university, although my life at home was miserable, I believed I'd get out of there eventually, I believed in my abilities. But now, I feel ashamed and hopeless. Even if I could get my sh** together, no one would hire me because of being 25 and having no experience, so the fact that I'm still so lost and nowhere near mentally stable only makes the situation way worse.** n**I have tried searching for similar cases online for motivation, but saw lots of comments like
Well, first, you should definitely apply for disability.nnSecondly, this is very serious and permanent/chronic stuff... nnBasically, you didn't sit down one day and decide
Moving out to a new state, I've found that being by myself is perfectly okay with me. There are some days where I won't speak to anyone at all by mouth. I don't feel bad for this. And I don't feel an impulse to find someone to talk my head off to. When in social situations, I've always felt awkward because I've never had much to say, but I've also never felt like there was much to say. It's just that the social drive does not seem to be, generally, in me. I'm beginning to think this is okay, that it's okay to be different. nnThen again, why post this?
I think it's perfectly fine to basically have no friends and be content in your own company. However, I'm sure others may think it strange and reclusive.nnOne thing I will say is it's good for me to have friends and socialise because it gets me out of the house and is generally good for my well being. If I didn't make the effort eventually I'd lose some sense of purpose simply by sitting around a lot.
i really feel the need to talk to someone about my depression and social anxiety but: 1) i'm really anxious about going to one, 2) i don't have health insurance and i don't know what or how to pay for the session, 3) i don't want to go through the trouble if it's not really what i need...nnis it really worth it and how did you get over the initial anxiety? i literally don't even know what to expect from a therapy session...
100% man, I'd personally recommend seeing a primary doctor before seeing a specialist as they'll recommend you a specialist, but if you're tight on money or however it works in your country, maybe seeing a specialist first will help out more in the long run.
nI honestly didn't think my social anxiety would be WAY worse in zoom class instead of class irlnnSo my english class is going over their outlines for our first essay this semester, and the teacher wants everyone to participate and speak and ask questions if they have any. She makes it known over and over again how zoom shows her what students were talking and who had their mics muted the whole time and how that it'll affect our participation (why is participating graded honestly fuck off , fuck off? fuck offff!!!!) Tell me why... when I joined this zoom meeting and everyone was sharing my heart was RACING SO FAST, I kept rehearsing what to say when I'd eventually speak (who am i kidding, I was praying the extroverts would speak till class was over)but after hearing everyone else's outlines and thesis's I felt like mine was terrible in comparison, so i wrote down what to say since i was freaking out that badly. AND WHEN THE TEACHER KEPT ASKING PPL TO SPEAK I CUDNT TAKE IT I LITERALLY LEFT THE ZOOM MEETING ????????? This is so humiliating,, all bc i cudnt say a few sentences aloud .... nnAnd it may seem like I'm exaggerating but since August till now im the only student who hasn't spoken at all... it just feels like everyone knows somehow
Your generation should present the argument that being on camera should be a choice. We didn't sign up to be celebrities.
It's so hard sometimes in my brain. I've chosen to be unmedicated for I think going on four years, but it's so overwhelming. nnI have obsessive thoughts over, did I say the right thing? Did I come across as narcissistic like my mom? Is everyone happier than me? Will I ever feel like I fit anywhere? Did I make sense to people when I talked to them? Did I ramble too much?nnStuff like that.... It's exhausting. I just want a freaking hug :(
Rarely cry but I need to sit in complete silence without talking till the next day (if its a night thign)
how do you guys keep yourselves entertained if you have no friends or few friends? I have no idea what to do. What are your hobbies or what do you do to tame the boredom?
I watch a lot of YouTube videos and streamers. I also go for walks, very long walks as I live by a 10k trail (not sure how many miles that is). I also have a side job that I'm trying to start as well. Once I have more financial freedom, I plan on taking swimming lessons so that I can swim regularly. I also plan on taking salsa dance lessons because I want to learn how to dance.
I have problems, alot of them, is there anyone else like me out there? Can anyone help me tackle these! I am desperate...nn- Fear of Failuren- I cant look at people in the eyesn- I will sometimes wake up for class, and still not go. (probably lazy but could be the fact I don't want to see people)n- I think people generally don't/won't like me so I dont even talk to anyone. I pretty much wait for someone to talk to me, but no one does and I know it's a bad idea to have.n- I am intimidated easy.n- I am not really confident.n- I am always nervous and I don't go outside much, only for shopping and general get togethers with select friends or others.n- I care too much about what people thinkn- I can't even get a job due to social anxiety because I don't think I would make a good employee.n- I have very few friends, I have no idea how to make friends when I can't talk to anyone without them talking to me :(nnBecause of this, I live alone with no job/parents helping me out with rent/and barely going to school... and hardly any friends, I just stay home and hibernate. help me please reddit.
Honestly the best thing i have found was somewhat peer based. Meeting another social anxious person was a really great experience. It left me a lot more comfortable because i knew that we both knew all the thoughts and feelings each other was experiencing. Because of that we could help one another with exposure to different scenarios. This honestly helped me more than CBT ACT or any of that other stuff.nnIs was introduced to these people through my Psychologist. So perhaps start with that and look at this as something in the future?
It doesn't matter whether I'm with friends or at the grocery store, any time I'm in a public space I just get this stomach ache (sometimes followed by dissociation). It sucks becausw I do like my friends, I just feel nauseous whenever I'm around anyone :(
You are definitely not alone I get severe stomach aches when I'm either stressed or anxious about something that typically involves other people. It sucks :/
I was offered a drink and despite saying i had enough, was insisted on taking 'just one more shot' and ended up too drunk to handle myself, puked more than a few times with nothing in my stomach (havent eaten) felt like I was puking my innards out, cried the whole time thinking I was gonna die (I was breathing irregularly), and this was just my second time drinking so I didnt know just how bad a few extra drinks can be, Im still sitting out the after effects and feel shitty af. I wouldnt even have drank if it werent for my social anxiety trying not to be the odd one out and not being able to say no more than once.n(Im not 100% sure its alcohol poisoning because I never went to the hospital because I didnt wanna bother anyone, again, because of SA .)
Youll be 100% in few days, drink is not for some people, its not for me and it actually rids my axiety, but turns me into a wreckless idiot, and worsens my axiety for the next couple of days after
i'm going back to school tomorrow and i'm having really bad anxiety about going back but idk why
yes i start in 2 weeks i hate uniiii
I can somehow talk to people in real life, it used to be a problem talking to new people and I still can't make small talks, but overall I have got better. nnBut it is just very difficult for me talking on the phone. I had a job and it involved cold calling and I was so nervous. Every time I had to call, I would prepare myself for 5 mins, and have sweaty arms and then do it. I quit that job after a month because I couldn't bear with it anymore. Now I am super confused what to do in life. It would be difficult to find a job that doesn't involve too much calling and I am very scared about it now.nnDoes anyone else struggle with it too? Why is it so difficult talking on the phone? Talking in person is comparatively easier
Oh, for sure. I always have to spend at least ten minutes psyching myself up before I phone anyone (aside from my parents).nnSometimes I find that writing down what I want to say helps? Reading from a script means I'm less likely to do that really fun thing where I squawk anxiously, stumble over my sentences, and essentially sound like a rooster being slowly dragged into a clothes press.
Recently I found out I was being made fun of, and it's mostly only the popular guys, and I feel really awful about it. I only have three days of school left, but I'm afraid of Junior year. I know that completely no one is aware of my social anxiety, and I feel as if I get people to be aware of it they'll treat me as any type of human being. Though, you know how kids these days are like, I'm afraid if I tell them they'll just look down on me even more. So what now?
There's one guy in my bio class that I used to be friends in elementary school, he does have friends but rarely talk and usually walks alone. Personally in what I see, I've never seen anyone make assumptions on him, they treat him normally I think. So idk what makes me an option to be the victim
I watched a documentary recently and one of the speakers cured his speech stutter after taking one. I personally have always steered away from psychedelics because of my anxiety and never thought of it as a possible cure.
I've used shrooms twice and I don't think it made any impact on me. It's definitely a lot of fun but it didn't cure or make my anxiety worse. But to be fair when I did use shrooms I was just listening to music and chilling with some friends so it wasn't very introspective how I did it.
I can't do it. I just go silent and try not to cry. The entire time I'm in a group I feel like I'm going to die or I'm being judged. It's worse when someone leaves and it's just you and one other person causing dead silence between you two. It's a reminder that I have nothing to contribute. I come across as an anti social, dead inside, boring individual when all I wish I can do is laugh, joke with others, and be myself.
Yep same here I'm fine one on one or in small groups but in large groups I just freeze up and forget how to talk to people
I really want to but I am anxious about doing so even though I want to get close to talk to new people. I can't figure how to get past the fear/anxious, it might be because im just a stupid teen boy but I just.. please help
I don't like this answer myself however it is the painful truth. You just have to do it and go for it. If you keep doing it your brain will see it isn't as bad as you thought and you will become more comfortable. We don't have the mindset for that however. Therapy, audiobooks etc is the way to improve, get better and overcome the struggle .nnWhat helped me was out of my control. They started a conversation about something I was interested in and it went from there
I am 28 and just went on my first date ever. I went on a coffee date with someone I met through a dating app. It was incredibly awkward. She just moved to the city where I live a couple months ago but has already visited more places in the area than I have. I had no idea what to talk about. I had done it to try to push myself but I kinda regret going now because I just feel hopeless. I have never had a girlfriend or even kissed a girl and barely have any friends. It is already hard to meet people but with social anxiety it feels impossible. At this point how am I supposed meet people or develop social skills? I feel like I am too far gone and should just give up socially instead of trying to force something I clearly am not good at.
Thank you. She actually just messaged me about a potential second date. I think I need to view it as a process. Even if the second date does not go well or it falls through I can use the fact that I survived one date to be able to go on future dates and slowly build on it.
I have had social anxiety for several years now and find it quite debilitating, affecting many areas of my life. I continually try to push myself and make progress and while i do i find i slip back into old habits quite quickly.nnHas anybody some real world examples of actually making it stick, of actually becoming who they want to be.
TL:DR at the bottom.nnI dont know how severe my anxiety is/was but I always tend to underestimate my own problems.nnAnyway, a few years back I wasnt able to go to school because I feared anyone wouldnt like what I wore, I couldnt put my hand up when I finally went because I was afraid someone would laugh when I said something wrong. So I didnt go to school anymore for like more than half a year, although I do have other mental problems (not relevant here though). nnYou have to realize that what you feel and fear is irrational and probably not even true in the slightest bit. Think about when you were outside (maybe in the supermarket or some other store and try to remember some people. Most cant, or only those that really step out of the line). Also good to realize is that people dont care. Nobody cares if your hair isnt straight one day, if you have mismatching clothes or whatever, as long as it isnt everyday. nnThis is what helped me most. The realization that all the pressure I feel is irrational. You probably know that but the thing is, you dont only have to know, you have to understand and believe it. I still felt it but once I got that kind of right I was able to force myself to do the things that I couldnt before. It still is hard and sometimes I am not able to but its way better than before.nnNow, what follows is a bit of my story and it makes this whole post a bit long, so if you dont want to read it/dont care, I dont mind but for you to understand my process I have to start a bit further behind.nn3 years ago, I moved with my family and had to go to a new school. I went to school for 6 weeks and then we had holidays, everything seemed fine. But after the holidays I couldnt go anymore, I could not force myself to do it, no matter what I did. So I stayed at home and my family was kinda desperate because they were worried about me. I rarely talked to anyone, I never went out, I never called any of the relatives and so on.nnFor the next school year they sent me to a boarding school and even though I hated going there most of the times, it was up until now probably the best and most fulfilling time of my life. I was forced to be with people, I was forced to go to eat with them, talk to them and at the beginning I talked maybe as much as a
(This all happened over DM by the way)nnI made plans with her and a small group of friends to see a movie. She accepted at first but when I mentioned that a mutual friend of ours had cancelled, she responded by saying that she had severe anxiety and thought it wasn't a good idea to go out.nnI told her it was fine and that I could relate, and she thanked me for being understanding. Then she wished me a good night and addressed me by name (which is a first). nnBut I don't know what to make of this. I feel like it's a good thing that she was willing to open up to me like that, but at the same time we don't have any interactions in person, even when there is an opportunity. Maybe her anxiety is social anxiety, like mine is.nnI suppose the best thing to do at this point would be to talk to her in person more often. It's hard to know how she feels, so I may as well just keep going and see how this goes.nnStill though, I could use advice. This is all new to me and weird and stuff. But man does it feel good to have a social life, or at least more of one than I've had before.
Thank you! Your comment made me blush. :)
Just wondering if SA is mostly prevalent in younger adults and it goes away as you get older
That's what I find as well. I can get good at faking it at work but I'm exhausted and really need to push myself to be sociable. I've loved lockdown cos I'm chilling at home but dreading entering the real world again
I finally have mental health coverage thanks to health ins reform and after a month I begging my SO to call and make me an appointment he finally got through to a place. When he tried to make me an appointment however the woman on the phone told him he could not do that and I would have to make my own appointment. This is despite the fact that we are married and he has all of my insurance and personal info. The woman on the phone told him that it was the law that he could not make an appt for me. Is this true? Is it really against the law for people with SA to receive treatment? I'm in oregon if it makes any difference. If this is true I do t really see any point in living anymore
Have you tried looking on Zocdoc.com for a doctor? You can search for the specific type you need (psychiatrist or therapist) in your area that takes your insurance. Usually you can make an appointment with them and give them all of your information online, without having to make any phone calls.
so my friend (my guy?) is trying to over come his social anxiety and I want to help him, but im not sure what im supposed to do or how to help him.. any help is greatly appreciated nnah, I should add that he's trying out this app for pen pals across the world, so he can make friends, but he's not really receiving any conversation or anyone that sort.. is there anything else he can try ?
Ill def try that out.. may I ask how it was for you when you got invited over? was it hard for you?
Horrible to see them suffer, is there anything I can do to help them not grow up like this? My 7 yr old even asks to eat alone if my other kids friend is at the house. I can't remember being like that so young. Their mum also suffers with badly with social anxiety. Is it always going to be in them no matter what? Will it get worse for them?
Hmmmm it's hard so say because I am certainly not qualified but I will say this, some kids naturally grow out of their shyness (and parents should help them along and give them tons of positive encouragement in the process) but I have never heard of a child so young hiding and eating alone like that, definitely something to watch out for. I'd at least have a honest chat with him too see how he felt that night, or why he wanted to do that. Not scolding him of course but if you can tease out a purpose behind the action it can help get to the root cause.
I'm in my late 20s have been dealing with social anxiety for as long as I can remember. I never had friends growing up, not even as a child, and by high school I was pretty much a complete recluse. I've done relatively well as an adult despite not having any actual friendships but I'm starting to worry that if I don't start now then it might end up being too late (if it isn't already) and I'm starting to really feel that void that's been in my life all this time.nnNeedless to say, I had some pretty strong social anxiety. I was pretty nmuch a shut-in from 20 to 24. Somehow I managed to end up with a decent life. I eventually managed to go back to school and somehow ended up in a decent job I do not deserve through a combination of family connections and sheer luck. I'm picking up some new skills and for the first time I feel like I've actually got pretty decent job projects.nnI've managed to get over a lot of my anxiety. Phone calls? No big deal. I actually sort of like them now since they used to be scary so there's still some novelty to it now that they're not. Cashiers in stores? No problem. I'll even bullshit about the weather or whatever. Coworkers who aren't close enough in age or lifestyle to be potential friends? I can talk to them all day.nnWhen it comes to actual socializing with potential friends. I'm completely hopeless. I don't think I've ever been comfortable being in the same room as someone, not even family, in a setting unrelated to work or school. I can be in a crowded room at work and be completely at ease but sitting down for friendly conversation is just terrifying. I've tried bars, meetup.com things, things like that that are typically recommended and I just hate it.nnUltimately, I just don't really want friends anymore. I don't think that I could enjoy having friends after a lifetime of doing without. I don't really see any potential benefit to having friends. What do adults even do with their friends? nnI guess it doesn't help that my parents never had friends after they started having kids. I never saw them participate in any social activities that weren't family related, have anyone over for dinner, or anything like that. All the people I usually interact with are much older and seem to be more or less living for their kids/grandkids at this point.nnSo basically I don't have much of an idea of what an adult's social life is supposed to be like post-college. I've seen people complaining about how hard it is to meet new people after college, which is worrying since, if they had friends in college and it's hard for them then what chance do I have?nnHas anyone been in a similar situation and managed to make friends? Should I be forcing myself to try to make friends or just live without a social life until I feel a stronger need for one?
Like what cicerothedog said, you shouldn't have the preconceived notion that there's a standard for everyone. It sounds like you're alright without friends, but at the same time, you've never truly experienced what having a close friend is like in the first place. nnTo answer your last question, I don't think you should force anything. If you happen to come across someone who shares some interests with you, and you enjoy being around them, then make an attempt at becoming friends with them by texting them and asking them to hang out or do that common interest some more. Whatever happens from that point happens; There's no need to force it to go any further than you think it should.nnI'm 23 and have been working my job for about 2 years now. I'm good friends with two of my co-workers and I like to hang out with them on occasion and play video games or go to a bar. It's nothing huge. We're not the kind of best friends like you might have had in grade-school, but it's still nice to have some guys to have some fun with once in a while. nnOverall, I don't think you should hang on to this notion that you don't want friends. Having a friend is typically nothing but a positive experience.
I swear, I'm a senior and so done with this shit. You truly deal with the scum of the earth on a daily basis, it's a living hell for someone with social anxiety. Yes, I'm writing this for catharsis.nnFor example, I have a class where we cook food. We're in groups of four. I have three others in my group, a junior girl (who is somehow older than me), a freshman boy, and a freshman girl.nnThey annoy the shit out of me! I'm the center of attention at all times! I had the junior girl and freshman boy in my first group (we have had three groups so far), and they were ridiculously annoying. I tried making small conversation with them, but of course people can sniff out if you're introverted. Now I have to deal with them again for another month, god help me!nnUnfortunately, we have a lot of downtime in this class. We only cook a couple days out of the week. This has resulted in my group members awkwardly playing
Luckily we're getting new groups soon. That fucker chilled out with the touching stuff for a little while, then the other day he started it up again. We have to use cleaning supplies, so you're unfortunately at the risk of being sprayed with a cleaning solution at all times. nnnThat fucker sprayed someone else in my group, then he sprayed me in the back with it. I grabbed his arm, took the cleaning spray out of his hands, and sprayed it about three times at him. He chilled out after that. I'm so excited for this semester to end so I won't have to deal with that class. I hate being
Happens to me frequently, especially when being thanked over text - i always feel akward responding.nnSometimes i type 4 or 5 different responses to a text before saying
An old authors' trick is to put it down in words but then think about something else between when you write it and when you read it.nnIf you take yourself out of the mental state you're in when you write it, it's easier to tell if it reads well, without getting attached to your phrasing.nnAt first you may feel uncomfortable just letting something you have written just sit there, while you do your best to forget about it... and you may return to what you wrote with embarrassment for having let it sit so long. But if you do it enough, that will transition into impatience with yourself for having forgotten to reply for so long, which will eventually transition into,
I had an extremely socially anxious experience yesterday with a friend who is very outgoing and extroverted. I was feeling overwhelmed, over-stimulated and feeling like I was unable to connect with anyone. Everything felt serious, eye contact felt impossibly scary and because of how slow it felt like my brain was moving making any kind of small talk also felt impossible.nnMy friend took how I was acting personally and told me he was worried that I was having a hard time because of something he did. I assured him it was not personal at all and instead it was just my “normal” social anxiety. I tried explaining what I was feeling (like I just did above) to him but he seemed confused and I was having a hard time clarifying.nnSo has anyone found a good way to describe what it's like to be have extreme social anxiety to someone who doesn't experience it?nntldr: I had an overwhelming social anxiety filled experience with an extroverted friend and had a hard time clarifying how I was feeling. Have you found a good way to describe it?
Have you ever seen punch drunk love. It feels like that scene when he goes home to see his family, and he gets so overwhelmed he kicks the glass door and shatters it.
Have you ever felt this way? You have lots of people you call friends. But you can't actually call them friends. And people you call friends don't feel like your friends at all. nBeen having breakdowns and I haven't reached out to a single person because I feel like I will just be a bother to them and they wouldn't really understand what I'm going through. I haven't talked or showed myself to anyone, except of course for work. Then this came to mind. nSo instead, I just keep it all to myself. I keep telling me that I can still push forward and handle things on my own. But it's just really hard and I'm already getting exhausted.
Same. All you can do is invest in/work on yourself...that also includes having self compassion.
Even if you have none
discord server of a favorite streamer, youtuber, content creator.
Not as a personal thing but as more of subconscious thing. Like people who tend to be more outgoing and popular you feel intimidated by and get anxious around because you can't help to care what they think and people who tend to be weird and akward you feel comfortable talking to because you feel like you don't care what they think?
Hit the nail on the head. Mine is mostly authority figures, if I think someone has more knowledge or power than me (or is way more confident) I shut down and am very shy. However I can talk to kids/certain other people etc with no issue. nnnOne of the things I always thought was weird for me is I can get in front of a room and give a presentation that I've extensively researched for a 100 people with no issue. But put me in an elevator with one or two people and expect me to socialize? Ha. Ha. Ha. Nope. In my head I think it's because when I give a presentation I /know/ I know more about this particular topic than anyone else in the room, because I researched it and read a ton. There's a very slim chance that another student is as familiar with the mating process process of snails as I am, if I spent weeks researching it. But if you asked me to go up and just start talking or talk about something I'm not confident in, then I melt.
Does anybody get really fucking nervous when driving? I took driving classes after graduating high school and 3 years later, I still don't have my license. Me and my friend are supposed to go driving this Monday...so maybe, just maybe I'll get my license soon.
My brother was teaching me to drive with his car when I was 16. He was patient but every time I was behind the wheel, I shivered like crazy. My stomach couldn't stop trembling. My teeth were always chattering. It got to the point where after every practice, my whole body was exhausted and I felt I needed to take a nap. My brother said I drove well but I thought the opposite.nnnAfter 2 months, I took my permit and passed. Paid for the permit and It ended up expiring because of my lack of self control while driving. Now I'm 19 and taking the bus.nnnScrew anxiety man.
in 2 weeks there is a big family gathering and i have to get there somehow. nnMy father will be driving with his new girlfriend and her daughter, and my brother in a car to the destination. It will take them about 5 hours and i could go with them. 5 people in a car for 5 hours maks me very very anxious and nervous. especially because i dont like my fathers girlfriend and her daughter is pretty good looking and in my age, what makes me even more insecure and anxious. nnMy other option is driving by train to my hometown and drive from there with my sister to the destination. This option is the one that makes me less anxious and i get along well with my sister. But what i fear is that when i arrive at my grandmothers house and all the relatives are there i get overwhelmed by my anxiety. nnwhereas on the cardrive i have the time to get used to be around my father (i rarley see him and i dont talk more than once a year with him) his girlfriend and her daughter. I propably wont be that anxious when i arrive at my grandmas but the drive there will be very hard and i will propably be the only one who barley speaks through the whole drive.nnplease help me :D
I get more exhausted and thus more anxious by being with people, so I would take the less stressfull option. I would feel really crappy at the party if I was exhausted already. nnArriving without your father would also make it more natural to spend more time with him at the party, and other relatives might not hog your time as much?
There's this kid in my class who's also nonbinary and has their pronouns in their ZOOM name. I've been dying to talk to them the whole semester. I ended up getting to ask them for their preferred name earlier and compliment it and they did the same. I'd say that the best description of our relationship currently is friendly acquaintances. They seem like a pretty cool person and I want to ask if they have discord so I can start a friendly conversation outside of school. Does anyone have tips for making friends?
If you have a funny comment on something your teacher or a classmate said, you can slip them a private Zoom message. From there you could ask them for their discord name.
Hi all, I've only just come across this sub, and it is quite comforting to see so many people that I can relate to. How much do you find yourselves dwelling on awkward social situations from the past? As I lie in bed now one has returned to me for the first time in a while, that I feel sick just thinking about, and I just wanted to share it:nnThis was back in middle school, when I was around 10 years old I think (I'm 28 now). The school had decided to hold a 'fun activity' day for everyone. As someone with SA the whole idea did not appeal to me, but all things considered the day wasn't going too badly.nnNear the end of the day our whole year group (around 150 students) were sat in rhe assembly hall playing games of pass the parcel in groups. One of the teachers announced that whoever the parcel landed on next would have to come up onto the stage and sing 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Star' for everyone. This terrified me of course, but hey, chances are it won't be me. Of course the music stopped on me, and I had to go up on stage with five other unlucky students and sing whilst the teacher passed a single microphone between us. Looking out into the sea of faces and hearing my lone voice coming out of the speakers was absolutely awful. Fun activity day indeed...
It is. If this were to happen tomorrow at my school I‘d consider that worse than death. Or just skip.
Why are you afraid of people? Why do you feel like you deserve being judged? Why do you think you don't deserve to be treated with human decency?nnI'm trying to work this through at therapy but I'm at a halting point. I've no idea why I think so little of myself that I've come to _accept_ that I'm not worth enough to be respected and not judged 24/7.nnI wanted to gather my thoughts by asking around and would love to hear all of you out regarding this.nnEdit: This got a lot more comments than I expected and I feel too overwhelmed to reply to some of y'all even though I rlly want to. You're heard. You're seen. You're valid and you deserve respect. If anyone needs to vent about anything, I'm available in PM's. Can't promise advice, but I can just be there and listen :)
Have you read
Studies have shown that CBD helps with social anxiety. I am thinking of trying it, but wanted to know other people's experiences of using CBD to treat their social anxiety?nn​nn(https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/how-to-use-cbd-for-anxiety)
thanks for the reply and info! I was looking at getting CBD oil because in the studies that I saw the participants were given CBD oil, but the CBD gummies do sound more appealing (if that is the right word for it)
Exactly waht I said above.
Yesss same here:) putting yourself out there & stop caring about what people think of you rlly lift a lot of weight. One thing that rlly helped me was taking baby steps, emailing your profs or like going to a restaurant etc etc. and then perhaps slowly progressing to asking questions in class. 2nd, accept that eveyrone will have opinions about you, but none of them rlly matter. Oh and another thing, doing these will rlly be hard, but always remind yourself,ppls opinions don't matter, and even if they judge wtV no one cares. :) I wouldn't say I completely overcome being afraid of social situations, but I've gotten better at it:)
I'm still healing from a breakup from years ago and I only have like one friend I see every couple months so I don't have people to go with. I am self employed so I don't have any work colleagues. nnI've been somewhat comfortable with talking to strangers in the past but I've been mostly isolated since the lockdown so I lost a lot of social skills.nnI don't want to be the weird guy alone at the bar when everyone else went out in their groups. But I do need to socialize and talk to people. I'm scared of rejection and my confidence is low, I wish I could know what or how to do to not be so isolated
reading your problem, it's almost like my problem, I also have only one friend that I see from time to time, and I'm someone who enjoys drinking and chatting, (but because when I drink I'm invulnerable to anxiety), and it's a dead end exit wanting to go out and not having someone, I also work on my own
I have ADHD so dumb questions are common for me. It's not an excuse, I know, but it does make decisions a bit weird sometimes. Today, an employee from another department that I see from time to time (I work in a hotel), walked up to me and my boss to talk about things. For some reason, she looked different than usual and walked with her stomach forward and back out. I always knew she was a little overweight, but I thought maybe now she was pregnant and that maybe I should know if she was or not. I SWEAR I kept telling myself to not say a word because regardless of the answer or intentions, it was your textbook conversation mistake I should know not to make. But curious it's got the better of me and before I knew it, the question just came out.nnShe was NOT pregnant. I was mortified and apologized over and over. It didn't seem to bother her, but questions like that are bound to do something. I know it's a horrible mistake and I can't let it go at all. My boss, who was right there agreed it was bad to do, but I shouldn't let it distract me. I should just move on and see it as a learning experience. Plus, he told me I should t be so worried about what others think of me, which is a problem I struggle with. OF COURSE I'll never do that again but I'm still horrified. Im obsessed over this whole thing. I wish I can bury my head in the sand and forget all of this. nnHas anyone been in this kind of situation before? Have you ever found a way to move on rather than beat yourself up for it?
Yeah, not the same but I've said things to others I told myself 100 times over not to say but next I just blurted it out any way.
sorry if this seems all over the place, I'm still very scrambled right now.nnSo I'm standing in the self checkout line in Tesco and i just start to feel very uneasy and hyper aware of myself, but then a checkout opened up and the feeling went away as i was scanning my stuffnnAs I'm walking out the shop the feeling comes back but a lot worse and by the time i get to my car, i can barley focus and feel extremely tense. While driving home i just couldn't focus, it felt like my mind was going at a thousand miles an hour even though I don't even know what i was thinking about. nnOnce i got home, I'm struggling to find the key to my door and i pretty much was on the verge of crying until i noticed my mum as i walk into the house and immediately tried to hide it (don't know if i did a good job of that tbh or why i did it in the first place) then went straight up stairs. nThat's pretty much where I'm at and still feel very tense/on edgennNot really sure what to do right now tbh...
No you weren't too late, thank you for the advice. nI did try my best to just focus on breathing and it seemed to help a bit nThe worst of it is over I think but I'm still a little on edge at the moment. nnI think I might have had one before if this is what it feels like, although I think I remember the last time something like this happened it was a lot shorter and I kinda got over it quite quickly, but this time it's been coming and going since about 4:30 ( it's 9:10 where I am)
I know that nothing much will come out of this post but I was just thinking about how strange it is that lately I've been feeling like when I'm not around people, I have all these ideas and topics that I find interesting and want to explore further, but once I start interacting with someone it's like my brain can't function properly and I feel like I don't have anything relevant enough to add in a conversation. I'm terrified of opening my mouth and saying something stupid and embarassing and people figuring out what an inadequate human being I am.
I'm sorry you feel that way too :(
I feel so worthless. I haven't even tried to get a job, not really. I know I need to, we all need to work. My mom tells me every day I need to find a job, I need to get out of the house. She isn't mean to me either, I think she's just frustrated.nnI'm just so scared. It's so much easier to forget I need to apply for jobs. In the past, I struggled so hard filling out applications because they triggered my self hatred. Even now, it's cumulative because I feel increased shame for being the age I am now (23) with so little experience.nnI'm also scared because I know working is going to be so hard. I have social anxiety and extremely low self worth. I even find myself triggered amongst friends who I am safe with. Working every day will be so painful. I'll spend every night afraid of the next day and I'll be so awkward and just gross and weird.... I don't know how to function around people. I also just feel disgusting in my body (plus size). It's made me develop a paranoia that everyone constantly thinks I am disgusting or assumes I am lazy/have no self control, which is not true (that everyone thinks that or that I am those things). The thought of having to dress my body, fidget in my clothes during the interview, and feel eyes on me horrifies me.nnI know I have to get a job. I'm acutely aware that my fear will only get better ONCE I work. I know this but I'm still struggling. I'm trying to avoid it but the longer I wait, the worse I feel, and the angrier my mom gets at me. I know avoiding makes things worse but it's like… really REALLY hard for me to get over this hump right now. I've been struggling since I got out of school more than a year ago.nnI've finally started filling out job applications after telling her I would try for months. But it's the most I can do right now without shame spiraling. I don't want to shame spiral bc I know I will regress and lose my will to do what I'm doing now - part of why I avoid is bc I try to avoid my overwhelming self hatred, which makes me lose the will to try. I don't think I can do what she wants, which is march into a store and ask to speak to the manager about my application and (maybe) get interviewed. I feel my heart beating at the thought of even calling them.nnI'm just embarrassed to be stuck in my head. I was having a great week and somehow, in a moment of weakness, one comment from my mom made me go from writing a cover letter to sitting in my room alone, upset at myself. And feeling embarrassed for even reacting in such a childish way. I wonder if the antidote to this is really self love and if I would ever get there.
The first thing that I can say is to see a doctor. Your mom likely doesn't understand what you're going through. A diagnosis and some education might help her understand more and help you more. These are problems that you need to work through. Doctors and therapists can help.nn>I'm acutely aware that my fear will only get better ONCE I work.nnThat isn't necessarily true. Going into a situation too quickly can set you back and likely end with you quickly quitting. I ended up intensely suicidal and a mess of anxiety after getting my first full-time job AND it wasn't even explicitly social.nnThis can be a positive experience for you, but you need the proper support and training along with likely medication.
I came across someone's post about making female friends, and I realized it's the opposite for me. I grew up around women my whole childhood, so it became difficult for me to relate to male peer groups.nnI'm intimidated by men, it's as if my mind is subconsciously telling me that they don't like me or that they're judging me.nnI've made progress these past few years and have made a few friends, but I still don't know how to act when in groups. What do you usually do together? What do you talk about? it's a bit frustrating tbh
You start explaining the lord of halo to a random stranger
Yesterday I (23f) accidentally went to my company party. I wanted to go to my bfs company party, but his company is right next to mine and while I was driving there my boss noticed me, so ofc I had to go to my party.nnThere I felt like it actually went quite well, I had two glasses of mulled wine and actually really talked to my team for the first time and they laughed about a lot of things I said, it was fun. Usually I'm pretty much mute. I thought I left a good impression.nnAfter that I went to my bfs company 90s themed party. I went there and 6 people were smoking around the fire and had drinks. My bf offered me a drink and I took it. We went into the building and there were around 40ppl in a pretty small room, there were lights and music. A couple people were playing beer pong. Lots of young people, girls with crop tops. They had apparently had shots of Jägermeister before. My bfs boss was dancing with some woman.nnSo maybe you get that I had the impression that drinking more was ok at this party. I also have never been at a company party before this day, I've only been drinking for 2 years and because of my meds that I've been taking for a month, apparently alcohol hits stronger. I was also being kinda dumb.nnSince it was all a bit too much for me and my bf wanted to stay for a bit longer, I drank more, one shot Jägermeister and one and a half beers.nnLater 2 people join the party. And ofc it's people from my team that were at my companies party before, they're both around 30.nnMy bf said I should, dunno how to translate it:
That's one way to look at it!
Not saying this in a judgemental way at all, I'm genuinely curious and would love to hear about this! I've read several posts that say
Call centers. I've done it all for over 16 years, but stats be damned. While I excel in any environment, it takes a serious toll. It's problematic for most neurotypical people, let alone the likes of me. I've never been at all comfortable with it and it does far more damage than good. nnStay. Away. nnLife isn't worth living like this. I'm on the wrong path, top employee status be damned. I'd rather be dead. Do not wade yourself into such hell. Foolish thing is, I'm too insecure to get out yet. It was supposed to be a temporary thing, a couple months, but here we are ...nnIf you find your passion, your purpose, that overtakes it all. Fear be damned.
Along this journey of working on myself and overcoming social anxiety, it has always been this battle of trying to do everything perfect, trying to say the right thing, trying to walk in a way that's normal, not showing any sign or trace to others that I'm feeling nervous or even slightly insecure.nnI've always had this idea in my head that I have to act and order my life from this very controlled place in my head so that nothing bad escapes, so that no unwanted behavior comes out, so that no one sees me in the wrong way.nnAnd it's imprisoning. It's confining because it's like I'm living from other people's heads and trying to shape my life so that I am always appearing good and everything I do is pleasing in their eyes.nnI'm living for them and not myself.nnThis has been my problem for the longest time. Even after spending many years working on my social anxiety and seeing tangible improvement - this has been the issue that's continually followed me along the way.nnAnd I want to share something that has helped me to address it.nnWith social anxiety, we tend to live inside our heads and shape our behavior to what we think society wants us to be. And this creates a war inside us. Because on one hand, we have our head telling us all the things we need to do in order to be validated and accepted. And on the other, we have our true feelings underneath of that which actually wants to come out and be expressed. Most of the time, we suppress this inner voice and completely disregard it because we are so concerned and caught up in how other people will see us. We live inside our head and just mute out what we're feeling because, in our mind, doing and acting from a place of what we feel would be too dangerous; it might cause us to be judged. Most of all, it would make us feel like we were losing control.nnIt's not easy, learning to reconnect to this inner voice. It feels vulnerable, when you truly follow and act from a place of what you currently feel like doing in this moment. It takes courage and guts. But as I've discovered for myself, it's the only true way out of this prison. You have to rediscover and get back in touch with your own unique expression and what YOU feel like doing in this moment. Go into your body and look what is happening inside you right now. How do you feel at this moment? What do you actually want to say or do?nnThe more you can act from this inner place where you're following your feelings and staying guided by what you authentically want to do in this moment, the more I believe you will begin to return to a place of aliveness and vitality inside where you feel genuinely good inside yourself. Where you are no longer caught up in how other people see you. This is my experience.nnSo for one week, I challenge you to listen to your feelings and what you actually feel like doing in this moment. Embrace the feeling of vulnerability that arises with it. Lean into it. And you might just find the start to a new way of life...
This is a great post actually, I think you nailed the issue. But... easier said than done. :)
As an introverted person with SA, I'm 23 and never had a girlfriend. Now, this post isn't about girlfriends or boyfriends, but sometimes i just feel that i need physical contact, not talking about sex (need it too tho lol), but just something like an hug, or a girl sitting on my legs, or holding a hand, or just touching someone on the shoulder, or sitting next each other touching each other.nnOf course the perfect situation is in a romantic relationship, but I'm genuinely curious about how all of this feels like, how it is to touch someone, because, especially with girls, I've never experienced this.nnIdk if anyone can relate.
I understand, a similar situation is when you want to meet people, but at the same time people make you feel uncomfortable and you can't interact with them.nnI really hope you'll find someone who will make you feel comfortable, I'm sure out there some dude is perfect for you. The problem with us introverts is that we rarely meet new people.
I feel the burdens, anxieties, and emotions. They keep me up at night and I can't focus during the day because I'm so caught up in my worries. I know I have to talk to someone about it. But when I try to, it sounds dumb or entitled because I have food on the table and shelter over my head. I feel guilty for wanting to talk and feel as if my problems are trivial. I feel like I'm not allowed to have anxiety. And so in the middle of trying to share how I'm doing, I freeze up or act like my issues are no more. nnHow do I get past this?
This is exactly how I feel too
nn(https://www.reddit.com/poll/gqxsry)
Neither big group nor one on one, I prefer group of 3-4 people
There are now hundreds of posts like 'Boo me, I have social anxiety because I get a little nervous during a speech'.nnIt is bloody annoying.nn/rant
Ironic
Personally I'm not an
Yep, if I'm going to a social gathering there's a good chance I'm getting drunk. When I'm drunk I literally don't care what people think but when I'm sober it's a whole new ball game full of SA.
I don't think i will ever be normal and be less awkward. But isn't it better to just accept this and don't feel as bad about it anymore?
Wow great that it's working out for you! The reason i am wondering about this is that sometimes people will say that other people don't notice the awkwardness or don't pay attention when you think you walk funny. They do. But we shouldn't care! Go penguins go.
I have this blankness to my mind sometimes when speaking to people. I literally have nothing to say and just smile instead. When someone's joking around and this happens it's kind of perceived as me not thinking that they're funny. I guess some people might think of me as rude because of this, but I seriously don't know how to be funny or friendly. It's like I have no personality. nnI was looking at other posts about this and it does have something to do with anxiety. If your mind is just having these anxious thoughts when you're around others then it makes it hard to be in the moment and engage with people. But what if you don't even feel that anxiety either sometimes? Your mind is completely blank. Is the anxiety there on this deeper level and that's why you have no thoughts at times?nI have no clue if I'm being clear or not here but I was wondering if anyone has advice or has improved upon this themselves.
I believe that in anxiety-producing situations certain thoughts have been so present, for so long, that the mind kind of becomes habituated to them and they disappear into the background. You see this in OCD a lot, where an individual will have a compulsion and be unaware of the obsession it's relieving because they've been doing it for so long that it's self-perpetuating.nnFor me, a holistic approach to wellness was beneficial. Exercise, medication, and proper sleep reduced my overall anxiety levels, and made socialization tolerable. I was still not a highly competent communicator, and was still uncomfortable at times, but I was able to get by.nnPersonally, SA affects me via a hyper-acute awareness of my expressions, eye contact, and other generally automatic behaviors. I've found that accepting this awareness, and purposefully observing and mimicking others' behaviors has helped. Over time I realized that nobody could tell if I was uncomfortable; my expressions were as apparently authentic as anybody else's.nnTL;DR: Tackle all aspects of anxiety, and keep yourself as present as possible in social situations. Avoidance behaviors perpetuate the SA, exposure, though uncomfortable, will reduce it with time.
nhttps://www.mind-diagnostics.org/social_anxiety-test?utm_source=AdWords&utm_medium=Search_PPC_m&utm_term=social%20anxiety%20test_e&utm_content=85545497963&network=g&placement=&target=&matchtype=e&utm_campaign=7208757594&ad_type=mind-diagnostics&adposition=&gclid=Cj0KCQiA7oyNBhDiARIsADtGRZYVuhEjSyK-6TV10Ecs8xiPaoB6bwNfGgJ00p5JxwJ68XyXXnCxIngaAhJGEALw_wcBnnnFound a SA test not sure it's that good , wondering what everyone would score
Much the same!
Everything is in the title
Probably the time I was in school and someone said to their friend
Hi everyone, recently i've been feeling like i might have social anxiety disorder. Some of the situations that make me think this include: My mom told me to make a hair appointment before i go back to school and i've been avoiding it for like a week and a half because i don't want to talk to the receptionist. I feel extremely uncomfortable talking to store clerks (food places, stores). I won't talk in front of people at school (presentations, speeches, socratic seminar) and when i do i get really nervous, turn red, and sweat a bunch, leading to me feeling like i'm on fire. If i have to ask for help/ a question i'll either sit around freaking out about it for half an hour or not ask at all. If a teacher asks me a question and i answer my heart will pound for ten minutes afterwards. One time a teacher left an assignment out of the grade book and it took me three days to work up the courage to ask him to fix it. I had to do an interview for a class i wanted to take, i was in such a panic i was almost in tears during the interview. I don't like crossing the street when a car is stopped, i worry that people can hear my music through my headphones, being asked questions makes me panic and i can't stand being stared at or being the center of attention. I always worry that people are judging me, or that i'll say or do something stupid and often when i text someone i feel like i'm bothering them. I told my S.O. about my concerns and he thinks
Thank you.
i think I parked crooked asf too and I don't want them to put a face too the person who's always parking crooked (I stay in my lines) anddddd ITS HOT ASF nI've been in here for too long already and once I walk out they're gonna think I'm weird for sitting in a hot ass car nWHY WONT THEY GO INSIDE ALREADYnnUpdate: I'm inside now , I just said fuck it , plus I'm hungry
Driven round the block for literally no reason other than I might have to talk to my perfectly lovely neighbours because they were in the driveway.
that is all. i very drunk. i only halfway normal when drunk.
This makes me think that I should have never stopped drinking. I miss feeling halfway normal if only for a spell.
Like, someone will DIRECTLY ASK ME what music or I like to and I just give some BS
Definitely. Especially when there have been times that I've shared something more specific and the other person has been rude or made fun of it, so then I never tell anyone I like that again unless they say it first lol. Can't explain how happy I feel when someone says they like something I like, so that I can finally talk about it
I like having social anxiety, and I like being shy. Its my identity. Its comforts me to have a label. I like being nervous in large groups. I like being called
Thanks. Its nice to know there's people like me :)
A bit of backstory: nA bit over a year ago, I was close to killing myself. I ended up seeing a psychologist and afterwards a psychiatrist who treated me for depression. The last couple of months, I have realized why I was so close to ending it. For maybe 5 years I have had no friends, I have no girlfriend(never have). I have missed out on much of my youth. To this day I am over my depression and am no longer close to killing myself, but I have realized missing social relations was a major reason why I was so close. nnnTherefore I want to overcome my fear and social anxiety. I have a few ideas and would like your feedback on them and whether you have tried any of them. nnn1. I want to not be scared and I believe to overcome this, I need to get into situations were I am incredibly scared and anxious. I am thinking about signing myself up for a singing class, for an improv comedy class, joining Toastmasters and more like this. Just the idea of doing any of these, sends shivers down my spine. Do you have any ideas for anything else like this, I can do?n2. I have read about rejection therapy and I am considering, giving myself a challenge, for an example every day for 30 or 60 days, going out and trying to be rejected. nnnHave any of you overcome your social anxiety or dramatically bettered it and if so, how? nHave anyone tried to do rejection therapy?
nIf you or someone you know is contemplating suicide, please reach out. You can find help at a National Suicide Prevention LifelinennUSA: 18002738255nUS Crisis textline: 741741 text HOMEnnUnited Kingdom: 116 123nnTrans Lifeline (877-565-8860)nnOthers: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_linesnnhttps://suicidepreventionlifeline.org
I've been self harm free for about 8 days now and it's wonderful! But something almost ruined that streak yesterday and it makes me feel like maybe I can't really be 100% better from it. nnBefore I go into what happened I want to say that self harm is very addictive for me. It's been getting easier to not self harm and to not feel the urge to self harm. nnOkay so, I was at the store yesterday just getting some stuff and I accidentally walked into an aisle that had razors in it. Once I saw the razors I started feeling tingly. I almost bought a razor. It was really bad because then I got really disassociated and had a panic attack in my car when I left the store. nnI'm proud of myself that I was able to resist my own urges to self harm, but if i can't even be around razors then I feel like it's stupid to even try and resist.
Always, Dude. I don't even know you, but I know that you're stronger than you realize. Good on you for resisting temptation. As others before me have said, that shows growth. Keep at it. You'll get there, but don't rush. You're just starting down the path, and there's plenty of room for you when you get there. A nice, big, cushy seat that says
nnThere's always been something wrong with me , I didn't learn quick enough,didn't pick up simple skills until years later than most people I am 27 years old and don't feel like a functioning adult at all I have to concentrate and stress just to complete simple tasks like a child walking around in a mature body , I'm married now and trying to support us but failing,she deserves so much better than me i know deep down I will continue to let us down. A life spent beating your head against a wall is no life at all I'm terrified of dying but even more scared of living like this and even worse dragging the people I care about down with me. I just want people to know I REALLY tried,I quit all the drugs and drinking and threw myself into menial jobs and took all the overtime I could get,I did excersise and ate well ,tried to pick up hobbies even though I'm useless with no skills I tried to make it work with this broken fucking brain but I'm just not cut out for this world.what's wrong with me was wrong from the beginning and is wrong all the way through me . I'm so tired and just want to let go,the burden of being a worthless deadweight is too much I know if I end it people I love will get hurt but surely I will hurt them more inadvertently blundering through life the way I am .
(https://www.amazon.com/dp/B06XCG9MKN/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1)
I worked in a drugstore for 7 months, the staff was so sweet and my boss was also super sweet. nWe get mystery shoppers every 3 months which I absolutely hate.. This time the mystery shopper visited when I was working alone. Apparently I didn't do a good job and got a score around 40%.. When I heard we scored that low because of me, I felt horrible.. nnApparently I didn't come across as exited or happy, but I did greet them and ask if they needed help. I think it's ridiculous you need to come across as exited and happy, because not everyone shows their emotions the same way. I'm also using medicine which really
Oof. I hope you can find another employment opportunity. I work at the municipal bath/waterpark and I read books while doing cash register. For me my job is a role I play, I am not myself the person, I am just the cashier that reads a book when nothing is going on. Maybe a mindset like that helps you distance yourself from work.
Ok, so a while back I was crushing really hard on a friend of mine, call her R. I get too nervous to do anything, fail in asking her and so I go to her best friend - also a friend of mine, call her T. I tell T what's up, she asks me about it and offers to surreptitiously find out for me what R is thinking. Instead she just tells R I'd liked her a lot for the past 6 months. She refused to tell me what else she said. Of course I get rejected, leading into a depression that got in the way of me doing well at work and I don't come out of the worst of that mindset until pretty much now. I was furious with T for quite a while but I got over it because I figured she's just dumb.nnI was out for a walk and I get some texts from R:nn
Well, not the asshole part gets you out of unnecessary trouble, but the no-nonsense part.
So because of my social anxiety, I don't make friends. People decide they want to become friends with me before I become friends with them. Does that make any sense? Like they take all the initiative to be friends, and I just go along with it. If someone took no initiative, I would not be friends with them even if I wanted to.nnMy ideal group of friends would be people that genuinely like hanging out with each other. They don't really like other people so they enjoy staying in and just being around the group. Lots and lots of inside jokes (I thrive on inside jokes. Inside jokes are my entire deal and what make me the most happy.). We make fun of each other but not in a mean way, even after they say something you know everyone is kidding and still loves you. Everything is easy and obviously my social anxiety doesn't get in the way.nnI get none of this from the few friends I have. Each one of them are 'loners' that like to be part of multiple groups and have lots of friends. They'll jump from one group of friends to another to another. So for example, I have two roommates that go out sometimes but they don't invite me or each other. They all like doing their thing. There is no sense of groupness. I think because of the social anxiety I attract certain types of people. Aggressive, outgoing people that like to talk to everyone and be friends with everyone but not have a specific group they can say they belong to. Also they HATE mixing their groups. Each group has to be separate and far apart as possible so as to not make it possible for the two groups to become friends. nnI hate this. So I've come to the conclusion that maybe I need to make my own friends. Now obviously this is a huge problem for me but I think I'm gonna try and take some proactive steps to achieve this. But before I do I have a question: Is this a problem for anyone else. That your friends aren't really a group and would much rather be doing things with other groups than yours? Like their main group is somewhere else, and your group is a side group that they only hang out with every once in a while.
I'll be honest. I've gained a lot of close friends after going through CBT to get over SAD and there's a bunch of different
nnI was adopted by parents who didn't bring out the confidence in me, instead tried to control me, dictate and instilled alot of negativity in me towards others. nI always felt ashamed of my A mom and she wasn't the mother I would've ideally chosen. It's difficult to describe exactly how different she was to other people but I'm sure she had ASD and other learning difficulties, which wouldn't have been recognized in her generation. I couldn't connect with her, she was cold, unloving. Im grateful that I had a more privileged life than what I would've but being raised by them and destroying my childhood has affected me into adulthood. I mention my a mom because the dad was always working so most of my time was with her. I didn't feel secure, she didn't interact much with my brother and I just fed us and that seemed to be all she that she did for us, hard to interact with and if she did it irritated me because she lacked social skills. I felt like we were there to fill a gap for them. Maybe to help out in the family business as we grew up . Never felt like it was out of the goodness of their heart for they made sure that we were made to feel grateful for our life with them. The dad instilled alot of negativity towards friends I made, my choices etc and trying to prevent me from forming close relationships and choosing my own path in life. I already had attachment issues from being through the care system and they only heightened this because of the way they were . I struggle making friendships, trust issues and am wary of people. That's not to say I haven't built close friendships, as they have been my main source of happiness and helped me to get through my existence living with these parents but I'm sad for the anxiety that has been instilled in me.
Yes, I feel so. But also I think it was for the wrong reasons or something ...nnThere are these
.
I am happy for you
As much as I want to get over my social anxiety and live a normal, anxiety-free life, I am really scared to change. I've started going to therapy here at my university and it has been helpful but every step forward that I take causes some anxiety of it's own. I start to think things like
Hey congrats on progress though :) Good luck to you as well.
This always happens to me even though i am convinced to ignore this feeling or that they are not laughing at me in the first place
I'm in my late 30s and I've only stopped assuming sudden laughter was targeted at me in the last couple years.
This is an honest question. nnAbout a year and a half ago, I discovered my wife cheated on me with some of my close friends. For 15 years, they maintained the secret (well, EVERYONE in my social realm knew, but kept it from me) . People I cared for, helped out when they were down, shared my life with had all let me down in the most personal way possible.nnI died a little that day. I spent time with a shrink, and it was helpful for a period, but lets face it - I knew exactly what was wrong with me, but there's no fixing it short term.nnI've since dropped ALL of my friends. Work and Money stress put the healing on hold. I've tried to make friends with other parents of school age children, but I'm quirky and they just aren't. And besides, it's weird trying to be open to people you'll see at an elementary school. Should you drink? Should you swear? What happens when you say the wrong thing in front of the wrong people? I made some nice photography friends, but don't have the money or time to pursue that anymore, and they just kind of disappeared. Two old girlfriends popped up out of nowhere and it was nice to reconnect with someone who knew me before I broke, and then I felt guilty about talking to them and just stopped. It was just easier to talk with someone who already knew me.nnThis year, we weren't invited to a New Year's party at all, which was a point of big-time stress for the wife. We could not have gone, but she was in tears for a day and a half over not getting an invite.nnSome old friends invited us to a party. My wife accepted, and I just about threw a fit. I can probably deal, but if one of the people she cheated on me with shows up, who knows how I'll react.nnI don't know what to do. I need friends for me. I need friends for the marriage to work. I need friends who don't know about what happened so I can get past it with some fun times. I'm gunshy about opening up to people. I went from being pretty social to socially retarded. I can't look people in the eye anymore. Not for any length of time. I can't listen with interest like I used to. I can't ... I don't know. The thought of being around people is stressful. The thought of living in my cave like I've been doing is depressing.nnI spent some time this afternoon browsing (/r/deadbeadrooms) and it just kind of got to me, so I guess this is why I'm venting a little here. nnAny sort of encouragement or advice is welcome. Please. I'm broken. I'm 42. What do I do? nnFrankly, I'd rather be homeless on the street than make amends with my old social circle, so that's not an option.
I see your point(s). I only can add that you should consider that with kids, the younger they are the easier it is for them and the fewer questions they ask. That bullet point list is something they should never hear, regardless. They only need know
I am an 18 year old male and my life is horrible. I currently am attending college and I commute to school. I might have some of the worst anxiety I think is possible, I think it might even have evolved in AvPD. I can't concentrate in class, I just look around to see if anyone is looking at me, judging me, then look down at my notebook. I feel like there is a spotlight shining on me and everyone is staring at how ugly and stupid I am. I have zero friends, none. I never will, I'm too scared of opening up to people, I just avoid everyone. I don't have contact with anyone and I don't talk in class. When I have to do group work or something, my mind is goes into a state of pure terror; my heart race, I blush and my face gets REALLY hot, I sweat profusely, and sometimes I even tremor. Presentations require stealing my dads ativan, and even then I my heart is beating out of my chest, I mumble and struggle to speak. Everywhere I go and everything I do, I have a shit load of anxiety. I don't even want to leave my house anymore. I'm about to drop a class bc of the group work and I'm considering just dropping out all together. I can't take this anymore. I don't want to go to a doctor because it causes me to panic (I've tried). I was on Lexapro back in highschool and it helped, so maybe I should get back on. I don't know, I'm lost. I've no clue what the fuck in doing anymore. I'm so depressed now also. Not sure what to do...
I don't know how I do it. I get anxiety about almost everything that involves doing anything new, but when it comes to helping myself move forward in the most obvious ways, I go for it. But when it comes to trying to get a job, seeing friends, it's impossible. I think it's just easy seeing a therapist because I know them judging me is their job, and that they care.
You can write anything. Small things like taking a bus, shopping alone or calling a boss.
I answered the door for a parcel and i said Thankyou. I know it's small but I'm still proud of myself :))))
It was very difficult for me with my social anxiety
Oh wow, this just stirred up a memory for me! I had a class first semester of my freshman year that was basically the beginning course to my major. One of the assignments involved going out and surveying people (!!!!). It's been many, many years, but I'm pretty sure I just made up answers instead of going out to talk to people like I was supposed to. nnFortunately I don't think the professor figured out that I didn't actually talk to anyone. After that experience though, I went and changed my major, sparking the beginning of four years of aimless floundering culminating in a useless degree. ‍ nnI'm sorry your experience ended with public embarrassment and trauma! You'd think someone in a position like a college professor who interacts with so many people would be more understanding of why someone might not do an assignment rather than just immediately painting them as some kind of lazy screw-up.
I recently moved back in with my parents and they have a two story house. My dad is the type of person that wants to talk to us whenever he sees us and requires us to talk back or he gets upset. This is whatever, but he “works” on his laptop in the middle of the dining room that's connected to the kitchen all day long. This has led to me not even eating and instead starving myself because I don't want to have to deal with having constant conversation while I'm just trying to get something done without the need to interact. nnAnyone else have a similar living situation?
Omg yes! I just want to be alone in my own space. My family doesn't do anything wrong. I just don't want to see a person every time I turn a corner or hear noise every second of the day. It's just too much. I love having them their because I was freaking out about living alone. But now I'd rather be alone and take on the risk of living alone.nnAnd they keep rearranging my cans!!
i cantnnedit : I came back to work and now I'm home, it went extremely awkward and my manager kept asking me if I'm shy bc I experienced abuse in the past or something and it was extremely annoying and when I finished my shift and was heading home, a homeless man called me a crazy idiot for wearing a mask. Idk how I'm gonna survive at this job, the customers are rude, the coworkers make me uncomfortable, the manager is even worse, the people outside of Mcdonald's even r rude for no reason and it's also incredibly tiring bc they expect you to do everything right even tho you've never done this before and you also have to be really fast and on point which I tried my best to do but I suck at making the ice cream look perfect
I'm not interested in that, I'm just trying to get a part time job to save up for college in 3 years
Does anyone here tend to ruminate over the thing they said or done after social interaction with other people? I tend to do this alot like I would go over the whole social interaction in my head and sometime cringe over what I done and said and get worst case sceanrio of what other people might think of me or if they are judging me. I get negative thought that after that social interaction other people think I am weird or immature. It would go on for a while and I am sometime afraid to face them afterward. If I make a mistake I am worried that people would constant remember me by the mistake I made and have negative judgement of me. Does anyone know how to stop ruminating over the past events?
Yes, and I sometimes replay the interaction in my head and even sometimes say what I meant or was supposed to say out loud to myself when I'm alone....nnBut like the other comments mentioned it can (took a while for me so I put can instead of does) get better with more frequent interactions.
Six years ago I was detoxing from heroin. I went to rehab and managed to quit, despite my mental health struggles.nnI want to share a message of hope and support for those of us with mental health conditions. For anyone reading this, don't give up on yourself. You have the power within you, though buried and hard to find at times, to reclaim your life. My mental illness is a daily hurdle, I know we are all sooo tired because we fight our minds every day. I accept this is who I am, it's not a weakness, it's something I am challenged with, and each day I (we!) make it through is a win. nnWe are stronger for our challenges and we should be proud of every little win, even getting out of bed. Love and hugs to all!
Congratulations!! :)
I never leave my house, seriously. I work from home full time from my computer. nnI wake up at home. Spend all day here. I don't leave. I fall asleep and repeat. nnMy only friends are Internet friends. I moved 8 hours from home so I don't have any friends or family anywhere close. nnI don't leave my house EVER. Ever. I don't even use my car. I just stay home 100% of the time, and the worst part is - I don't want to change it. Why should I leave the house? It's worse out there. I don't have money to spend. nnWhat do you guys do all day? I feel like I'm going crazy in here but I don't know what else to do.
I'm too scared to use anything like that, I am a 5'0 woman and I don't want to get murdered lol
SA has plagued me ever since middle school , that's when I started being called quiet, awkward sometimes by a few people. I guess that had an effect on me since I still label myself that and i have loads of anxiety now to talk to anyone. nnMy siblings all tell me to stop caring about what people think, and that might be my problem. nnI had a girlfriend (now ex) and it was a disaster, one sided thing. She said our
It's a bit harder being in a commute school
Hi guys,nnI apologise if this has already been discussed somewhere else but I am very new to reddit, and I really need help. My English might not be perfect, so I do apologise for that as well. I've been trying to figure out how to overcome this problem, but today I cried so much over a 30 second awkward silence between me and my boyfriend's mother, that I don't think I can figure this out on my own anymore. nnI have pretty bad social anxiety, I find it extremely hard to make friends, and even if I manage to get someone to talk to me, I cannot hold up a conversation even if my life depended on it. I work as a waitress, which obviously isn't the perfect line of work to be in when you avoid people like fire, so I get daily panic attacks. However, what I'm noticing is the biggest anxiety trigger in my social interactions (in work and outside of it) is the fact that I can't seem to be able to make small talk. It scares the living hell out of me, and at night I relive even the completely minute interactions I've had that day to the point where I cry and wish I would be able to never think again. nnSo, please good people of reddit, tell me what are some topics of conversation or questions that I can ask when talking to a fellow human being? I just want to feel like I'm normal for once. Thank you in advance.
Well you seem lovely, so I'm going to have to go with compliment!nnI can't believe it, even mentioning the fact that I'll paint myself orange and pretend I'm a vegetable is getting people to be my friends. The carrot theory works!!!
I'm a 31 year old and I think I've had social anxiety for most of my life. It's gotten worse and it's affecting me professionally. I dont like talking to people and struggle to speak up in groups. I come off as not “engaged” to others and as having poor communication skills. I want to ask others, does medication really help? I've tried therapy and while it did help a bit, I'd like to try other options because I just dont think therapy will help me reduce it to the point where Im comfortable with myself. Thank you
35 going on 36. It has also affected my work life although somehow I have managed to be in a full time job for most of the last 5 years and have been lucky enough to have good people to work with. I have been at my current job for 6 months now and have been worried about people noticing that I don't speak (up) much and it has caused me a bit of stress because there are a lot of group meetings and catch ups and I find myself struggling to contribute. I do talk when I have to but wish i could be more confident and comfortable to say more. So far no one has mentioned anything so perhaps they've just accepted that that's just my personality. Having said that, I'm a better communicator when it's one on one situations.nnThings I've tried and have helped to varying degrees - meditation or just deep breaths, self help books or simply research into understanding the condition better, medication, therapy, getting proper sleep, exercise whether it's HIIT, strength workouts or long walks, a healthy(ish) diet, practicing gratitude and journaling, and watching/reading funny things.nnIn regards to medication, I tried Zoloft first which didn't do anything and switched to Lexapro and it seems to have helped (at least with depression which i think is caused by my SA anyway). I've slowly started tapering off it as I don't want to rely on meds for the rest of my life and haven't had any withdrawal symptoms or anything. nnThings can get better. SA is a part of you and not all of you. nnWish you the very best.
I'm not sure if this is an SA trait or my depression but the last couple of years if I have to run to the store or something, I throw on a hoodie to make me feel more...safe? Now that warm weather is here I feel like I can't wear my protection anymore :( I feel so exposed lol
You can try going to the gym early in the morning, there are less people there.
I have a lot of self love and I'm not too harsh on myself, but whenever I'm in public alone I feel SOOOO self conscious! It's fine when I'm with a friend because all of my energy is directed to them, but when I'm alone I'm just like hyper aware of everyone, and the way I look. Even though I know intellectually that no one gives a shit about me, I still FEEL it. nnI don't even think I'd care if they were judging me, I guess it's just the unknowing that really unsettles me! nnAnyone else get this?
Yes this. I sometimes will start counting street lights or start paying attention to the colours of the cars that drive past, to focus my attention away from myself. It works almost immediately
Sorry for ignorant question, but I never got this. So many people post here about problems with their boyfriend, relationship, etc., while people with actual social anxiety disorder have no chance for even having anyone to be loved by, even if they would really want to. It takes so much to get one, that I wonder if that person really has SA, because he/she has overcame all the difficulties of having SA and found a soulmate.nnRant over :(
WOW wtffff is wrong in this world? your boyfriends must be reallyyyyy realllly happy having you as SOs. I wish I found I girl like you, I have SA and I really like playing video games pokemon etc. But wow I never thought there would be girls like you, I have hope now :=3
But of course covid just makes me lonely
I hug the sh*t out of my cat! She seems annoyed, but hey I feed her. ud83dude04
Two weeks ago I was the type of guy who was literally just a boring side character in his own life. I got tired of this and decided to do something. I cut my computer use by a LOT and almost comletely stopped playing video games. nAnd I also started nofapnAfter a lot of deciding I went out there and started running (something I really like) nI decided to try my luck with two different women as well, but got lead on and ultimately rejected.nnIt was beautiful outside today and I told myself that I should go out of my omfort zone and not be dettered by some failures in the past. So I decided to go to cinema alone. Which went fine aside from two girls giving me the
Things seem to be generally not working out at all this week
Hi reddit,nSo basically i have just had a 6 hour tantrum, where the rage has just made my entire body shake.nnI keep getting this thought, that maybe i dont even have social anxiety, maybe i am just a boring fucking person and there is nothing to do about it. And i will never get better at talking to people.nnIs it normal to think this or is there some truth to it, and what can i do about this shitty thought.nnHave tried mindfulness and what not, but it wont go away right now and im seriously contemplating suicide.
Exactly.nnWhenever im in a social situation my mind turns off and even if i have prepared things to say beforehand i forget all of it.nnI however have a really good friend who i can quite easily talk to, but if im spending time with him and his gf is there aswell im back to my mind being blank, struggling to find the right words and trouble understanding/hearing what people are saying to mennI just dont ever see an end to it, i have however only had 6 therapy sessions and maybe im just willing to give up too early, but i dont feel much of an effect from therapy yet and i guess im just not expecting for it to ever get better.
I've known my best friend, K, for 4 years. We're very close but she doesn't know the full scope of my social anxiety. When I get socially anxious, I awkwardly laugh and hardly speak but she's never seen me in that state.nnThe situation is that me, K, and her friend, S, are going to meet up at her place. S and I will get acquainted and then we'll meet the guy she is seeing to watch a movie together. After the movie, we'll all get something to eat. Then me, K, and S will go back to her place to talk about the event.nnK is talkative and really good at making sure a conversation flows. K has told me that S and I will get along great. We have a lot in common so she thinks everything will go smoothly. nnI've always been a shy kid but my social anxiety developed after I was bullied by my entire class in grade 6. I was excluded and ignored by my classmates a lot, they made fun of me during presentations, and they spread rumors about me. My past experience has shaped a lot of my life, particularly when it comes to meeting people in a group setting. I am always afraid of the group making fun of me or rejecting me which is why I struggle with participating in the conversation. nnI don't think I'm prepared to talk to new people. I have been doing online school ever since the pandemic so I haven't interacted with many people my age for 2 years. How should I go about this? Is there anything I could do to prepare for the upcoming event? What could I possibly talk about with the rest of the group?
dunno if this will help but my friend introduced me to one of her friends who is very talkative. when we ran out of topics she would find something to talk aboutnnsince your friend is also pretty talkative i think she'll keep it from becoming overly awkward, think of ways to continue to converse. and if you do become overly anxious i would tell your friend, i think they'd understand :)
Everyone loves the mentally unstable characters in movies/anime/books etc, they're so relatable and just make you wanna give them a tight ass hug. But in real life no one will appreciate a person like that. They're weird and awkward why would you associate yourself with someone who's so lost. No one has shown me genuine interest, no one has being empathetic or patient enough with me and I'm losing hope. I'm just starting college and meeting new people is my worst nightmare. Yesterday was a literal disaster, I tried so hard to enjoy hanging out with these people, and don't get me wrong I actually had so much in common with them, if I was in control of myself I bet I'd have had a blast. But instead I panicked, couldn't control my thoughts and emotions and my brain shut down. I was again the “quiet one”. I want to get over this so bad. I can't go on like this, I'll end up being alone throughout my university life just like I had imagined. Has anyone experienced this? Can anyone tell me it's possible to get better, to not let social anxiety take over your life?
i totally relate to this. it's not that i'm not approached per se, but whenever that happens i panic and mess it up.
Does anyone feel like they have social anxiety because of the way they were treated by their narcissistic parent?nnFeeling down today. I'm 29 years old and feel like an awkward weirdo. My mom constantly tried to tear me down growing up. She would (and still does) make up conversations that we had as a way to justify the rude and demeaning comments she use to make which has made me extremely insecure and self conscious in social settings. I remember in HS always being worried to talk to her in fear she would make up things about me to my family as a way to get them u201con her sideu201d. I would literally suck up to her in hopes she wouldn't gossip about me but she did anyway. So now as an adult I constantly think people will misconstrue what I'm saying or criticize me the way my mom has my entire life. I have developed severe social anxiety and feel like it's going worse.nnI'm curious if anyone else has experienced the same from having a narcissistic parent.
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Do you have the courage to do so?nDoes the anxiety limit you from thinking of things funny things to say?nWhat kind of jokes do you make?
I get embarrassed when people laugh and I get embarrassed when they don't laugh. I still do it sometimes though. I think I'm not very funny but my friends think I'm funny so I guess that's all that matters
Quick intro : I ( 21M ) do not have anyone that I can share my emotions or feelings with. I can't share it with my friends or family since they don't understand how I feel because I never share much with them. What do I do to feel good about myself and emotionally support myself?
What is it that you've tried to talk to them about? This is not uncommon. Some of us feel more than others, which often makes us feel alone in our emotional experiences.
Here my situation. They way I interact with others and my social patters is a bit off. I feel like my thought patters and replies are different than others. I'm random at times and sometimes I weird a group of friends out. I can't help it honestly. I'm a good person with good intentions. I'm 23. I see everyone else socialize normally but when it comes to me bringing up a sentence or reply it totally kills the conversation. Then I get blocked out.
Best first advice tip ever! Thank you!
This thought has been constantly bothering me for last few days. Seeing everyone's posts on facebook joining somewhere, doing something and here I am just laying on my bed and reacting to all the posts. Wish I had the courage to apply. The idea that I might have to talk in front of people really haunts me.
All the fucking time.