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{
"description": "taking a Tinder date's $400 after he accused me of being a whore, even though I knew it was a sarcastic offer",
"pronormative_score": 123,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for taking a Tinder date’s $400 after he accused me of being a whore, even though I knew it was a sarcastic offer?
|
Background: about a month ago met a guy on tinder and really hit it off. Met for the first and only time last night for dinner and it was instant chemistry and I really, really liked him. We went out and danced and he was so clumsy but cute and just went with everything which made him very endearing.
He invited me back to his place and while I’ve never had a ONS in my life, I just couldn’t say no because my dumb brain was seeing wedding dresses, picket fences and college savings accounts.
Sex was really good for a first time but he instantly turned into an asshole. I mean the charming, funny guy was completely gone. I tried asking him what was wrong because I had to confess that I really liked him. He told me that he liked me to but that was before He knew i was a whore. I was like fuck this, startled bawling and got my stuff. He then took $400 out of his wallet and asked if this will help me get over it and stop crying. I told him he was an asshole but I didn’t know what else to do so I grabbed the money and left. He chased me all the way to the parking lot but I got in my car and left.
He sent me tons of texts saying “stupid bitch, that money was sarcastic. You can’t be that stupid.” I blocked him.
I’m devastated and honestly would rather have the guy he was prior to having sex back instead if the money. But honestly he had some weird hang up and that guy never existed and frankly I don’t ever want to see him again.
AITA For taking and keeping the money ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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RIGHT
|
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{
"description": "taking steal someone else's umbrella after someone stole mine",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA if I take steal someone else's umbrella after someone stole mine?
|
When it rains, the front lobby of a high traffic building is full of people's umbrellas and they're often stolen.
Am I the asshole, if I steal someone else's umbrella after mine was stolen?
On one hand, I didn't create a net loss. On the other, I shifted the burden and personally caused the misfortune of another.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{
"description": "not letting my girlfriend being friend with my classmate",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting my girlfriend being friend with my classmate
|
It's a long story, but before this, they always go on date behind my back and I finally known it yesterday, and after I forgive her, today, she asked if she can go out with my classmate again and I tell her no, so am I the asshole for not letting her be friend with someone who she cheats me with?
|
HISTORICAL
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| null |
WIBTA 3000 Dollar Jewelry?
|
Okay, so this is really confusing me. So, I'm 13 almost 14 in middle school. This guy I DO NOT like in a relationship way kept asking me out. I didn't want to but said yes since I'm a pushover. This was totally my fault so feel free to shame me in the comments. Out of nowhere, the day I was going to break up with him (it's been like 6 days), he buys me a 3000 DOLLAR BRACLET!!! I was shocked, I was already pretty messed up because of my family and ended up almost yelling at him. I told him we were only in 7th grade and said why the hell would you buy that?! It sounds fake, but the bracket was in mint condition and had diamonds. If he stole it or bought it, I don't care. I told him no, and walked away and cried with support from my friend. Most of my friends say that to just except it and that it's not that much, but I can't. I don't like him AT ALL! Please tell me if I'm in the wrong, and if you have any advice I'll kindly accept it.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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{
"description": "not being \"enthusiastic enough\" on my first two days of work",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not being “enthusiastic enough” on my first two days of work
|
Not sure if this is the correct subreddit for this, but wanted some opinions. I recently got a job at Target working in the starbucks cafe. I have worked two days there so far, and thought it was going great. My trainer and I didn’t exactly click, but we were never unfriendly towards eachother and I did everything I was told. She even told me towards the end of my second day that I was doing great and she was impressed at how I was making drinks on my own on my second day of training. In this conversation, she also said I didn’t seem very “enthusiastic”. I told her I kind of have an rbf(which I do) and it wasn’t anything personal. I am also a very anxious person, so my first two days working I was kind of quiet. However, I was very attentive to customers and never rude, and never complained.
Today, 20 minutes before my shift I get a call from the HR lady. She asks me if I remember my conversation with my trainer and asks if I know what she’s referring to. She says that I don’t have the “face of starbucks/target” which is very big on customer service and that I didn’t seem enthusiastic enough. She said she talked to other team leads and that “i’m not going to work out”. This took me very much by surprise, as I have only worked two five hour shifts with the same trainer, and have barely got to know any of the other managers. I think that my trainer told her I was blatantly rude or insensitive, as I said above me and the trainer didn’t exactly “click”. It still doesn’t make sense to me as I only worked there two days and I feel like I haven’t gotten a chance. I have worked in customer service for three years at my previous job and have ever had any complaints from those managers. Am I the bad person here or are they? I feel very upset and worthless as I have never been fired before and know I am a hard worker.
I honestly think that if given more time my personality would’ve come out and I would’ve been less shy.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "not wanting my s/o to start drinking",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting my s/o to start drinking?
|
mobile user here, sorry if the format is wonky!
ill try to keep this short for privacy. something rather awful has happened to my s/o, and their response to this was to drink alcohol. im horribly worried about them starting a bad habit, but i dont want to be a controlling girlfriend who doesn't let her s/o do what they want. ive told them that theres other, much healthier ways to cope. they agreed with me, but they told me they have resources, and that they'll be fine because they know what they're doing.
i know alcohol isn't the worst drug out there, nearly everyone i know drinks it, but i still believe it can cause really bad things to happen!
they told me that they can cope how they want, but i told them that i should be able to intervene if their safety's at risk. im not trying to be controlling, i really do want them to cope however makes them happiest! but, im just really worried they'll start something bad!
am i the asshole? if so, hows a better way i could approach them about it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
}
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NOBODY
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
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{
"description": "telling my friend's mom on him",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my friend's mom on him?
|
To start off with some background, I'm Jewish, which all of my friends are aware of. Over the years, they've made jokes at my expense with that being the subject matter. Over time, these jokes have become more and more insulting, and I've had multiple discussions with them about how they make me feel. After these conversations, the jokes tend to die down and then start up after a little while. Most recently in December, I nearly cut off all contact with them before they got the message and the jokes stopped.
Now for the current context. This past weekend, three of us (for simplicity, the other two will be called B and J - we're all 22-23) went up to visit another friend (R) at school. Friday night, I go out with B and J while R goes to another party. While out, B, J, and I end up going to the apartment of someone we knew. B decided to smoke pot with the hosts, and since I can't because of my job, I left and went to hang out with R. After a bit, R and I head back to R's apartment for the night, and I fall asleep on the couch with my sleeping bag as a blanket. B and J come back later, and B decided to wake me up by pulling my blanket off and spitting beer on me. I get pissed off, but get him to eventually leave me alone. He then goes into R's room and says "this little k*ke bitch won't get off the sofa." Hearing that, I got pretty fumed and told him that if I ever heard him say that again, I'd put him through a wall. He continued to spit beer on me and get in my face before R stepped in and brought me to sleep in his room for the night on the floor in my sleeping bag. The most physical it got was me pushing B away from me after he tried to "apologize". The rest of the weekend, I was given the option to either sit alone in R's room or go hang out with the three of them in the living room. I wasn't about to sit around making merry with B, so I sat in the room basically until this afternoon when we left. I didn't have the option to leave because B, of all people, was the ride back.
Here's where I might be an asshole. In the past, B had his mother send the group messages teasing us because we were teasing him. She sent me a gif of a typical Jewish stereotype to make fun of me, so I was a bit annoyed. Today, I decided since he brought his mother in to fight his battles, I'd do the same and make her apprised of the situation. I probably shouldn't have done it, but I don't really feel bad about it since it gave me a sense of closure. If not, I would have ended up just stewing for the next couple of weeks and been in a bad mood. Now, I feel pretty good and feel like maybe he got what was coming to him, but I really don't know. The friendship, and possibly the other two are over, so it's not gonna be coming back to haunt me at least. I get that I shouldn't have stooped to his level and acted like a child, but I was still pretty heated about it and I'm totally OK with it if I was an asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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RIGHT
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| null |
AITA or my big sister?
|
It all happened on the same day. My mom texted my early in the morning. The grandmother of my brother in law died. So I texted my brother in law, that I am sorry for his loss. I live a few hours from my parents and my sister und her husband.
So one hour later the family chat gets busy. My parents are going to have a nice week halliday. My grandmother is old and need medication. Usually my mom regulate all of her medications. And so she puts a medication plan online in the chat. How curious I am, I checked her medication and saw a new one for her eyes. So I ask if my grandma goes blind. No reaction.
Two hours later my sister calls me and says that nobody talked with my brother in law about his loss and I was the first one to break the news. I did not put much effort in the text I send him, because It was just a text. I like to deal something like this more personal.
Yeah and she told me that my grandma is going to be blind on one eye. It was a op that did not go well. And my mom is guilty about the operation because it was her idea.
My sister told me that I need to learn more sensitivity. But I did not know about the circumstances, how? Nobody told me about that!
Nobody told me even about the operation and the downfall of the operation.
She did not accept any of my explanations. She said that I must learn to see my own faults and dont give other people the fault of my mistakes. Because I always to that. Yeah funny, I dont talk about my problems with other people, especially with my sister. I dont like her. But I helped her everytime I can. She got three children.
After the holidays I called my mother and ask her why did nobody told me that my grandma is going blind. And here is the real problem. My mother told me that my sister was lying about that.
And tbh my sister did even not say to me that she was pregnant with her first child. Some neighbor told me that. Till today I am waiting for excuse from her about that. But fuck it, life is to short to hold a grudge against a family member.
Now I am waiting for a excuse from her because the call was nasty and she did not behave like a big sister and more like some I am morally perfect and you dont even get your life together. And now I dont want to stay over Christmas with my family, cause after two weeks my sister did not call me up und why should I sit on the same table with her.
I am so sorry about my language. I didn't write a such text in English a long time. I hope you guys could help me and show me maybe a new sight on the problem.
|
HISTORICAL
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{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "calling the police on people holding the front door of my building open and gambling/smoking inside",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA Calling the police on people holding the front door of my building open and gambling/smoking inside?
|
I posted on legaladvice about how in my project building, a crew/gang of 4-5-6 people (all males) will often hang out directly in front of the entrance of my building, which had a scaffold built recently above it, which contributes to this. They will hold the locked entrance (need a key) open so they can go in and out of the lobby as they please, almost always using the lobby to smoke and play dice in.
Not only that, but they'll sometimes say things to people coming in the building and my lightskin friends sometimes mention that they get somewhat pressed coming in with questions like "Y'all live here now?" and offering them drugs, but it's just not offering, it's the kind where they aggressively offer and you refuse and they mumble some shittalk at you because they figure you're here for drugs anyway because you have light skin and they're racist.
I got accused of being naive, racist and not actually living there long, when I've lived there all my life and do not actually have a problem with people hanging out on the project grounds. But directly in the lobby entrance, where I have to walk past and through groups of young hooded and du-rag wearing guys? Who wants to deal with that after work?
So I'll sometimes call the cops if I see them crowding the entrance or in the lobby in that group of 4-6 and in fact, I would like to do it each and every time I see them there, because they would NEVER be tolerated in a regular residential building, so why is this allowed in the projects? Am I using up police resources unduly?
I'm in my 20s, light-skin hispanic. I just want to be able to come in and out unmolested, same with my friends. Not trying to be /r/iamverybadass here, but I can defend against one guy, anyone could really, but it's never one guy, its always a group and you feel defenseless. I'm even going as far as to consider applying for a pistol license.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
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{
"description": "not being more upset that my friend sent me a video of him receiving a BJ? *NSFW",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not being more upset that my friend sent me a video of him receiving a BJ? *NSFW*
|
So my best friend sent me a video over snapchat yesterday of his girlfriend giving him the aquatic sucky sucky. His girlfriend knew about it and it was all consensual on their part. He also blocked out all the "bits" so I didnt actually see anything but you could clearly tell what was going on (that was the point of the video).
However, I didnt ask for the video and it was completely unsolicited. Even though hes my best friend, I still thought it was weird and left him on read. I just left it at that.
Somehow, I ended up mentioning this to my girlfriend, and shes pissed. She thinks the whole thing is super inappropriate, which is fine, but now shes also upset with me because I'm not reacting the way she is.
TL:DR my friend sent me a video of him getting a BJ. I thought it was weird, but not a super huge deal. My girlfriend is really upset and is now mad at me for not being upset as well.
AITA? Am I under reacting to the situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
a4svmw
|
{
"description": "taking tips from a volunteer position",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for taking tips from a volunteer position?
|
I volunteer for a local group that hosts monthly events. I work the coat check, and it being December, I was very busy at last nights event. A lot of people left tips on my table as I worked, which led to the volunteer coordinator saying "you need a basket! let me get you one." At the end of the night, I gathered my things, collected my tips as I always have, and left. I made $40- a big haul!
Today, I got an email from the coordinator asking where I put the money, stating that "we usually use that to buy things for the next event". It should be noted that they are new, and have only been around for 2 months. I now feel guilty for taking the tips, but I've never been instructed otherwise. AITA for taking tips from a volunteer position?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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|
b3v4mb
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{
"description": "always being gone",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For always being gone
|
What's up yall. Throwaway because my other account is obviously linked to me. Also on mobile so sorry for any errors. Yada yada.
So some back story. I am a 25m and I work in a travel intensive industry. I'm gone from home anywhere from 4 to 8 weeks at a time. I usually have anywhere from 1 to 3 weeks off when I am home.
My gf(26) of 6 years understands mostly and is used to this by now. As I have been working like this for the past 5 years.
At this time I'm transitioning to another company that will have me working 4 days on 3 off but for those 4 days I will still be out of town. At this point I have everything I want. A car, dog, house all paid off. I still feel as if something is lacking from my life. So I'm going to join the Army reserve.
Now on to the ahole territory. I have discussed this with her on several occasions and have tried to incorporate her into my decision for my job with the army but she's been pretty ambivalent about it. She said she doesn't mind what I do because I always do what I want even when I try and consult her opinion on everything. I love her and see a future with her. I just feel like I need to do this for myself. I would also give her my gi bill so she could go to school.
The current mos I am looking at has a deployment every 2 or 3 years for 9 months. Coupled with my civilian job
So reddit WIBTA if I worked a job that took me away 4 days a week and have a 9 month deployment every couple of years?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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|
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|
{
"description": "not wanting to share my birthday with a younger cousin",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for not wanting to share my birthday with a younger cousin
|
My birthday is coming up on the 9th of March and my grandparents wanted to take me out to dinner for my birthday the day after. The problem I am facing is that they want to celebrate my younger cousins birthday (We will call him YC) the same day, at the same dinner, at the same time. Now I was not rude but I simply told my grandparents that I do not want to go to dinner for my birthday but thank you for the offer. My parents confronted me about it and I told them that I don't want to share my birthday party with YC because I really wont get a party and everyone focus will be on YC and ill be shunted off to the side. To clarify YC is 12 going on 13 and I am 19 going on 20. My parents say that I am being unreasonable and I should deal with it.
Later I was thinking about it and was not sure if I am just being greedy and selfish or if my feelings had any validation. So am I the asshole for not wanting to share a birthday with YC?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
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|
a0j6te
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my doctor",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my doctor?
|
So, I am a teenager and I do acting, dance, and singing in my spare time, it's practically my entire life. About 3 weeks ago I started to experience chest pains and they got worse over the course of a week so I went to the ER. After doing an ECG, blood test, and a chest x-ray they told me I could have an inflamed diaphragm and that I should just take extra strength Advil.
Fast forward to yesterday, it had been two weeks and my pain still hadn't gone away. I was at practice when the pain got worse again so I went back to the ER.
They asked all of the typical questions and I didn't want to lie so I told them I had ADHD, anxiety, depression, and some episodes with voices in my head and whatnot. After they did the same tests they did last time, they told me it had a chance of being anxiety pain or another symptom of my psychotic episodes. They told me to take more Advil and if that didn't work they would give me a prescription.
At this point it was late at night, I was tired, and frustrated. I told the doctor I had been taking Advil for two weeks straight and asked him to give me a prescription. The only problem was, it was basically just fancy Advil.
Now the problem is, I don't feel like the doctor's were taking my pain seriously and I was more than a little upset. I've had pain from my mental issues and it has never compared to my chest pains before.
So AITA for feeling mad at the doctor?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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ak5ubm
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{
"description": "telling my roommate to drink less tea",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for telling my roommate to drink less tea?
|
Lately, I’ve been drinking tea a lot, especially this granulated kind I get from my local European store. This is the kind of tea that’s made up mostly of sugar. Usually, I add 2-3 tea spoons in a cup and mix it with some hot or cold water. (It depends on my mood and the weather, mostly.)
That was a little bit of a backstory.
Yesterday, my roommate asked me to go with her to the local European store and I agreed, even though I didn’t need anything. When we were there she got herself some of the tea I drink, because she tried it before and she liked it.
Well, last night she told me she was making some tea and asked me if I wanted some. I said yes, and then she said “okay, but i’m using the one from your bag.” She used my tea before and I never minded, but sure, if that’s what she wanted.
So I went to the kitchen while she was making them, and I noticed she was adding too many teaspoons of the granulated sugary shit for herself. And I’m talking half of the cup was filled with only the tea, no water yet. I told her “i don’t think you’re supposed to put that much” and she got really upset. She said something like “if you didn’t pay for it, you don’t get to say how much i should use or not”.
Then she proceeded to finish making her tea and she locked herself in her room right after. She thinks I’m an asshole and hasn’t talked to me at all since then.
So, Reddit, is she right and I’m an asshole for trying to tell her too much of this kind of tea isn’t too healthy? Am I missing something here? I would really like to know, so I can apologize to her if I did something genuinely wrong.
TL;DR: I like granulated tea. the one I drink it’s made up mostly of sugar and other unhealthy stuff. Roommate likes my tea too. Got some for herself. She put like 10 teaspoons in her cup. Told her she put too much, she told me I’m an asshole because she paid for it and I should shut up.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{
"description": "not telling my crush that I'm asexual before the first date",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA for not telling my crush that I’m asexual before the first date?
|
Pretty self-explanatory. I read online that asexuality is a dealbreaker for some people, so they feel led on if their date is not upfront with it before the first date. However, previously I had a first date lined up with someone and when I told him I was asexual through text before the date, he ghosted me. I basically just said that I wanted to get it out in the open in case it was a dealbreaker and he never responded. So I’m thinking maybe I sprang it on him to quickly? Should I wait longer for the next guy I potentially go out with?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 3
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
7TMqQqTdYsxFqeoESFlDM9w8NArSXuB1
|
b86pga
|
{
"description": "not giving my roommate his share of the profit from our \"business\"",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 23
}
|
AITA for not giving my roommate his share of the profit from our “business”?
|
Before you jump the gun let me provide some background info: My roommate recently proposed an idea to buy returned amazon goods off a website to resell. It’s basically items that were returned to Amazon’s warehouse that were all stuffed in a box without checking the quality of the return. We decided to go through with it and use that money to pay our rent. We both contributed the same amount of $400.
We received a whole pallet worth of goods a month ago. As soon as I ended my day job, I would come home and would do a quality check for each box (13 boxes). My roommate never helped out because he was “too busy with other stuff” but his lights are always out and I know he goes to sleep as soon as he gets home from work. He wakes up around 12am and doesnt go back to bed till 4.
Anyways, after going through every box and listing every sellable item on ebay (a process that took a week, I managed to sell every item and made about $2500. Since my roommate did not contribute, I gave him back his $400 and kept the rest of the profit to myself.
Now hes pissed off and threatening to get a lawyer for “stealing his money”.
AITA here??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 23
}
|
WRONG
|
s44rgxwRopXM3WImRJxERYObyOMa9Dvx
|
aumtvf
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriends parents he used an egg donor",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 28
}
|
AITA for telling my boyfriends parents he used an egg donor?
|
My boyfriend has a kid which was born through an egg donor + surrogate combo so he's a single dad. We met at the tail end of the surrogates pregnancy and she gave birth and the my boyfriend asked me not to tell anyone that he used a surrogate etc. The weird timing has made people think i'm the mother and it's gotten a little frustrating. like the first time my boyfriends parents met me they said I looked great and lost my baby weight fast lol. I corrected them and said i'm not the mother and stuff but months and months of his parents asking me if i've met the mother and just pestering me I finally just told them. I know it's not my place to tell and he asked me not to but his parents should know and really it's not that bad he should just be confident in his decision
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 21,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 28
}
|
WRONG
|
kbuSvHs3PGAtm64SXI79ldmue9nUbKHN
|
aqrj1n
|
{
"description": "being cold to a person who walked up to me in between class",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being cold to a person who walked up to me in between class?
|
So I was just hanging out at a table before my psych class at uni and just surfing through my phone. A girl came and sat across me. This happens often (it is a public building after all) so I thought nothing of it. Then she was like hey how are you and introduced herself. I said my name too but I was a little reluctant to chat. Usually strangers don’t approach you and just randomly start conversation. I think she could tell that I wasn’t really down to talk so she was like “okay gotta get going nice meeting you”.
Thinking back on it maybe I could have been a little nicer. It can be hard for people to make new friends in uni so maybe she was just trying to be friendly and I blew her off. But at the same time I feel like it’s a little weird to just randomly approach someone on campus unless you guys share a class or part of the same club. I didn’t know what her intentions were.
What do yall think? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
vDHYwuoJ8PzV2vc6VWH0Z0dSQW2U4yU7
|
9v8tpt
|
{
"description": "calling out my wife's parents plan to use us as their retirement financial fund",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling out my wife's parents plan to use us as their retirement financial fund?
|
I apologise in advance as I'm a bag of emotions right now as I'm writing this. As I just had an argument with my wife about this.
To give background of how things are currently; my wife are a happily married couple with a 2 year old with my father-in-law whom is retired (but working a part-time job) all living in one house. The house was purchased 8 years ago by my wife and her parents but once we got married 4 years ago the title (and mortgage) was transferred to me and my wife. I am grateful for this as the currently climate for where we live it is near impossible to afford such a house.
But this is also a source of contention with her parents and us/mainly me. As they initiated the purchase of the house almost a decade back there is an expectation that they still own the house, and believe it's their (the in-laws) right. To be honest they can do whatever they want to the house as I never had any emotional value to the house as I was never involved with its purchase. As a brief mention, there was a large argument (I will not go into detail as it is not relevant to this point) but it had to do with these "rights" as the buyers of the house. The dust has since settled on this but I have never been at ease after this incident.
Flash forward to now, my wife had told me that her parents want us to work harder to earn more money so that we can support her parents financially when they retire in the next few years. I was shocked to hear this, and didn't react the best way possible. Frankly I was a real dick about it. But I understand that you provide support to you parents and in-laws at that retirement age. However, when you retire you have a nest egg and/or pension to cover your twilight years. Her parents don't. They really didn't plan it out well. Hence my reaction. I got real bend out of shape and demanded her siblings to help too (they live overseas) as it would be unfair for us to support her parents alone, as all her siblings had been gifted something similar to us by her parents. This was never the expectation for us to look after her parents.
She then said she we would have to support my parents if it was expected. But there lies a part of my argument (which I did not bring up for the sake of not stirring the pot) my parents have planned their retirement nest egg. So won't need too.
But in all honesty my in-laws are wonderful parents and have supported my wife and her siblings. But just didn't plan this retirement aspect very well.
I will support them, but knowing this was their in hand earlier I would of made plans to account for this.
TL:DR my wife and I got into an argument about her parents expecting us to financially support them during retirement since they helped purchase the house we are currently living in.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
TgXPD7y66MVQt2Jw35SrLvvtuvZUuZN0
|
b4xc0v
|
{
"description": "wanting to not be friends with my less ambitious friend",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to not be friends with my less ambitious friend?
|
I have been friends with this girl since 6th grade (im currently a junior in college). We dont see eachother a lot because i go to college an 18 hour drive away.
She says she doesnt want a job she doesnt like so refuses to get any job. But then she complains that she has no money. Shes blames her parents for not teaching her how to drive so she cant get her lisence. She wants to somehow get money for the government for her epilspy that she had 6 years ago. All she does all day is go on tinder to find a guy that will date her and buy her stuff basically so she can get things without working for it like she does now with her parents. She doesnt even leave the house ever she just watches tv and complains about her life and blames everyone else for the reason why she cant get her shit together. Sometimes shes get jelous of me and says how easy my life is (when its not) and sometimes ignores me because she "cant relate to me when I do "cool" stuff". In one case the "cool stuff" was going to canada for spring break.
I would consider myself as pretty ambitous and I dont like to complain a lot so that fact that all she does is complain and not take responsbility for her life annoys me. She was my best friend for so many years and the sweetest person ever.
TLDR: childhood best friend annoys me by constantly complaining about her life but refuses to do anything to change it.
Am i an asshole for not wanting to be friends with her because shes not as ambitous as me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
7DlYFnGHzLbZqsdMFfKfF4AFTcLSHJ0W
|
acqczg
|
{
"description": "saying \"hey\" to a coworker to get his attention",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for saying “hey” to a coworker to get his attention
|
So I had a question for my coworker and I was having problems getting them before. I didn’t want to confuse customers, so instead of “sir,” I shouted, “hey.” He was walking away from my area that I couldn’t leave and I had forgotten to ask.
He didn’t hear me, so I was just going to try to get him in another way.
Lady says, “that was rude.” She’s a regular, so I thought she was joking at first, nope. I told her why I did it and she raised her eyebrows and ignored me.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
uwhXMKa71cDoNkYYaeTVJ0wb3tXD7mAA
|
akhw3u
|
{
"description": "being upset my roommates girlfriend stays the night",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset my roommates girlfriend stays the night?
|
She's over 4/7 nights a week almost, showers here ,and keeps food in the fridge. She lives at home and claims the reason she likes staying over is because its close to work. So I'm wrong to be upset?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
4NwPSUSU19ghktjj9hLCZADpWXrsITPh
|
b6y8g7
|
{
"description": "asking a friend for her friend's number",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking a friend for her friend’s number?
|
My (25M) good friend (21F) had some of her high school friends (two 21Fs) up to visit recently and I felt a strong romantic vibe with one of them, well call her H. My friend, who we’ll call L, told me that H “thought I was hilarious” and they all wanted to hang out again. Couple of nights later we spend time at the bar together and I get into a pretty good chat with H, but we’re never really in our own conversation and I still don’t know that much about her after this. We leave the bar and say our goodbyes, as H and the other friend are leaving the next day. H says that she hopes it’s not really goodbye, as in she hopes to see me again (I think?). Anyways, I get home and start texting my friend L, talking about a series of things, then I just ask her to please either shoot me H’s number or just tell her I thought she was hilarious too and it was fun spending time with her. L gives number, but feels “weird” about it, before saying “wtf”, “if I were important to you, you wouldn’t have asked for her number”, and not wanting to talk much about it because she’s pissed. My fear is she thinks I only wanted to hang out (two times in one week is the most we’ve ever had) to get with H. I had some hope of that but also knew it was unlikely and really just wanted to return the compliment/keep in touch maybe (she lives several states away). Not the best way of going about it, but I don’t see the problem with my request.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
za9k3rTBxF8njQYqURtRARdFDNOLkwBF
|
avwffd
|
{
"description": "serving meat to my vegan husband to save his life",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for serving meat to my vegan husband to save his life?
|
I know this sounds bad, but hear me out.
My (33f) husband (35m) was diagnosed with a protein deficiency last year. He was hospitalized for a week and was given meds to counter his condition. Our doctor promised him a full recovery if he listened to his guidelines. Unfortunately, as he was getting better and better, he dropped his meds (he tried “natural therapy”)without telling me and was hospitalized again last month. This time it was more serious and it’s really affecting his quality of life (always tired, depressed,moody). Therefore, I have started to hide meat in his meals such as putting beef in his vegan sandwich and what not. When I told my sister, she completely freaked out and told me that I am a criminal. I think I am justified as he either has to take his meds or eat meat (confirmed by his doctor). So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
RIGHT
|
LqgCdf7SEzL2om5N8oTawHFEKac8kpvQ
|
ac90n6
|
{
"description": "using my medical power of attorney over my mentally ill mother to put my car title in my name",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I used my medical power of attorney over my mentally ill mother to put my car title in my name?
|
Okay, I know how this sounds already, but let me try to briefly explain the turbulent dynamic of my relationship with my mother. (I am an 18F and she is 42F)
Both of my parents were emotionally abusive and extremely manipulative to my younger brother and me growing up. My dad was by far the worse of the two (so much so that it took years for me to recognize my mother’s less-obvious tactics). My mother has struggled with alcoholism, depression/anxiety, self-destructive behaviors, and borderline personality disorder (undiagnosed but she and other people close to her recognize that she fits all of the symptoms) for the last 25 or so years. Because she has issues keeping family and friends close, I have been her primary caretaker since I was about 12 yo. As you can imagine, this has created a lot of tension between us as I have gotten older and more independent.
I moved out of the house at 16 to go to a boarding school 2 hours away, and now I am in college about 20 minutes away from my mother’s house (she lives alone - my parents are divorced and my younger brother goes to the same aforementioned boarding school). Over the last three years or so that I haven’t lived with my mother, our relationship has all but deteriorated completely, and her manipulative tactics have gotten more drastic. Likewise, her mental health and alcoholism have gotten worse as well.
This summer, while I was living at her house, she drunkenly attempted suicide, and I called 911 and got her into long-term inpatient psychiatric treatment at a local hospital. After she finished her time there, she was supposed to do 30 days at a substance abuse rehab facility. During the appx. two months that she was in these facilities, I completely took over her life. I paid her bills, took care of her dogs, communicated with her job/doctors/insurance, cleaned her house, and did everything else that needed to be take care of. On top of all of this stress and responsibility as an 18 year old, I had two stressful jobs (one as a staffer on a political campaign and one working for a defense attorney) . I also found her suicide notes, in which she blamed my lack of spending time with her over the last couple of years as her primary reason for wanting to die. This hurt overwhelmingly, of course, but I was proud of her for being cooperative with her treatment and had hope that she would make progress.
After 5 days at the rehab facility, she checked herself out. I came home from work and she was sitting in the living room. We got into a huge fight about her leaving the facility, and she ultimately ended up shutting off my phone and taking my car and giving it to my younger brother, who drove it to his school 2 hours away. (I am completely self-sufficient financially except for the car, which is paid off but in her name, and my phone payment). She didn’t cut me off from these things because she needed to financially but because I need my car to get between my jobs and my phone to do my work.
Eventually, we made up and she gave them both back to me, but ever since then, she will periodically threaten to take them away and cut off our relationship again in order to manipulate me and assert that I “need” her as much as/more than she needs me. This has happened 5+ times in the last six months and has led me to deeply resent my mother for how disposably she treats me and everything she has put on me my whole life.
This week, I admitted her into a facility again because she has been deeply depressed and self-destructive lately. This time, I got full durable medical power of attorney over all of her affairs so that I can take care of her insurance and employment stuff with more ease than last time (I had POA but it wasn’t full/durable and ended as soon as she left the hospital.)
Now here’s my dilemma. Would I be the asshole if I used the POA to put my car title in my name so that she can’t hold it over me anymore once she gets out? I feel like it’s my car anyway since she didn’t really pay for the car (it was bought with insurance money) and I have put in $2000+ of my own money in repairs. I would take over the insurance payment if she wanted me to, but I’m worried it would make me an exploitative asshole/ruin trust between us if I did it while she’s in a vulnerable position.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
sIB8IesSTsW1nNoH06RUfDyzksoGmu8O
|
a84o1w
|
{
"description": "realizing that we have too many animals too late",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for realizing that we have too many animals too late?
|
I'm not sure what kind of background is needed for this question so ask if something dosen't make sense
So it started three years ago when we adopted our begale, she's 13 and amazing, fast forward to last year my boyfriend's cousin was going to put there dog down, and my boyfriend and I decided to take the dog in. We also have acquired a bunny, and a cat who've we had for a year and has recently had kittens. We both equally take care of the animals bit honestly I'm starting to think it's a bit much and thinking about these kittens is making my eye twitch. My boyfriend believes we brought the animals in the house, we are entitled to take care of them, and we can't just abandon them which is correct but it's us our two young children, and two dogs, six cats and one bunny in a small house and I grew up with a lot of animals and I didn't want to do that again, but here I am
TLDR: we have too many animals, but I didn't stop it and now I'm starting to feel crazy, and would like to rehome something, but boyfriend says we basically did this to ourselves and now we have to deal with it
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
us2x0LV9XlHxxp9afOrTuCWnEN8zrWTi
|
av2obn
|
{
"description": "breaking ties with a friend who broke a promise",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for breaking ties with a friend who broke a promise
|
Bit of a back story to this one: My (now ex) GF and I went to different universities, so we had very different circle of friends. There was a girl (we'll call her Mina) within my friend group that GF didn't like. It was mainly cause she believed that I had a crush on Mina, and that Mina and I had a lot of classes together that we tended to study together. Other friends would call her my "Work Wife", which in turn made my GF dislike her more. Similarly, there was a guy (call him Rob) in my GFs circle of friends that I didn't like. So when I graduated from university, we both agreed to not see Rob and Mina respectively.
Fast forward to a few months ago. I still had a bunch of friends from university that I hang out with regularly, mostly guys, who I've introduced my GF to. One of them, Jake, had some difficulty finding a girl, so another guy, Mike wanted to try to set him up with a girl. We had a discussion on who to try to set Jake up with, and since Mike had recently been in contact with Mina, he suggested her. We were gonna invite Mina to meet-up with us for lunch with the intention of trying to get Jake and her to talk to each other. Knowing my gf wouldn't like that, I asked the guys to promise to not mention it to her, especially since a few of us were gonna meet up with her after the lunch for our usual hangout.
It was also at this point that my GFs friends had her start playing an MMO. She had asked me to play with her too, but since MMOs were not my thing, she asked others in my group of friends. Two of whom agreed, call them Ryan and Peter.
Fast forward again now to a few weeks ago. My GF and I have had some disagreements recently, and in our arguments, she had revealed that she knew about me meeting up with Mina for the lunch thing (Jake and her didn't work out incidentally). I immediately knew it was Peter who had informed her as she had grown fond of him during their time playing together. I had asked her to not talk to him anymore before (adding it to the ban on Rob as well) which she had refused to do so. Not to go into too much detail, but after many arguments with her, we both decided to break up. During the arguments tho, Peter would message me about them; she had evidently been confiding in him about our troubles, and he was trying to tell me to come clean and apologize about the lunch among other things. I didn't wanna talk to him tho as I felt that he had betrayed me and started to share my secrets with her without bothering to talk to me about it.
After the breakup, when other friends in the group found out about it, I asked them to not speak to Peter anymore. One of them told me that that was going too far, but had agreed as well. So my question now is AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
MKrbf2rF8KGWGc5GPEEKB3q83s7PFSrg
|
b7rvbq
|
{
"description": "not apologizing for working out without my so",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I don’t apologize for working out without my SO?
|
Yesterday I went dress shopping, and noticed I should probably start lifting again as my booty is getting a little saggy. I come home, tell my BF, and he mentions wanting to workout again too. We decide we should workout tomorrow, but make no real plan.
Today I wake up at 8:30am. He keeps sleeping in, which is typical of our dynamic. He wakes up about 10:45am and joins me in the living room. I ask him if he wants to go work out, and he doesn’t sound very into it “I just woke up, maybe later.” So I do some work until 11:30am, when I say “I’m going to get ready to workout, do you want to join?” As I’m getting dressed, he says he wanted to work out together, and maybe go for a jog. I think that’s great, and say I’m happy to wait if he can commit to a time he wants to go do that together. Then he gets annoyed in tone and says “No no, you can go do your work out RIGHT NOW since that’s so important to you.” I again say, “I’m happy to wait, it’s no problem, but let’s make a plan and commit to a later time.” He insists I go without him, citing “I’m not even sure I can run well on my knee yet, and don’t want to slow you down. Just go and I’ll workout here.” He seems upset, so I offer a third time to wait and tell him no worries if we go slow, I’m fine with that. And again, he insists I just go without him. So, I go.
I get back, and he’s doing pull-ups, so I start unloading the dishwasher. After his set, he tells me I’m an asshole for going without him. I felt pretty taken aback by this, and reminded him I gave him the choice to do it together later, but he refused. He then comes over and grabs the dishes from my hand and starts unloading them himself. He tells me to get out and go “have the day to yourself you want so bad”. I didn’t really understand why he was so mad, as I felt I gave him plenty of opportunity to make a plan to workout together later. When I ask why he’s so mad, he says I gave him the “ultimatum” of doing it right then or not together because I had gotten all ready to go, insisting “my actions were telling him I was going right then”. Sure, I got dressed, but after getting dressed, and hearing he wanted to go later, I definitely agreed to waiting and going later together. He said he insisted I went without him because it seemed clear to him that I was ready and wanting to go. Again, he’s right, I was taking action to get ready, but once he expressed he wanted to go together, I had said I’m happy to wait. I don’t feel like I did anything wrong here, but maybe there’s something I’m not seeing.
AITA for going to the gym without him/ WIBTA for not apologizing for doing so?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
TZSR4Nd6yNrZajPHAmAmxXnmpUEIedCz
|
b2sfpm
|
{
"description": "not disclosing my age when I look to be noticably older",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not disclosing my age (23M) when I look to be noticably older? (Mildly NSFW?)
|
I'll keep this short and sweet, I 23M, dont really look or sound 23.... I get a lot of people thinking early 30s....I guess I'm either ugly or doomed to not age well... Whatever, not concerned about it. I have had multiple people end up flirting with me at bars, some flirting,has ended up going further than words. However at least twice after the fact the person was then shocked to somehow figure out my age. One instance of a girl thinking I was about 34 wanting to have a one nighter with a older man, the other was about 29 who was disgusted by the fact she was falling for someone 6 years younger than her. Long story short because this seems to be a bit of a trend with me, AITA for not like kind of leading convos with my age.....?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
CUM3FbqOX7v2lUJwc8lGqTh2L5DVP5oC
|
aqrdnd
|
{
"description": "not wanting to have sex with my ex/gf",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to have sex with my ex/gf
|
Throwaway bcos my gf follows my main account and looks at my posts to have a laugh from time 2 time.
So my gf and I were together for 7 months but argument started to occur due to lack of communication. After about a week about more arguing/consolidating we decided that being friends with benefits (fuck buddies). This obviously didn't work as we caught feelings for each other and were currently in a limbo between relationship and FwB
So yesterday for Valentine's we went to see a movie (Marie Queen of Scots) and went for a coffee b4 I kissed her goodbye and left for my train which was delayed *Ffs greater anglia*.
Before I left I asked what are we and she quoted me by saying, go with the flow. I assumed were together but I'll update on how it goes.
No we want to fuck tomorrow but she's starting her period. Now while I was her bf I would have been 100% ok with it. Like I don't like it but I would put up with it for her. Now we're in our current state I REALLY don't like blood on my dick (oh we usually go bare back). I never really gave a response b4 she went to bed but would IBTA if I cancelled tomorrow?
I might post this on relationship advice
tldr; kind is gf is on her period, I don't wanna fuck
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
mD0HsYH3an3WaU5Fivcvu8a0F4aN409V
|
ax6a7w
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be with my dad",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be with my dad?
|
To summarise the issue my dad wants to move back to his hometown since he has no friends where we're living and is unhappy.
He seems to think i need to come with him and i finally built up enough courage today to tell him i want to move out and stay here instead. I had already told my mom and it was well recieved by her.
Once I told him he started yelling at me for not wanting to move back with him and how I won't amount to anything if i stay here. I tried talking to him but he wouldn't even give me a breath to explain myself.
I know I'm supposed to love my parents but I cannot find any room in my heart for him. Does this make me the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
3CBqWXH4W9IphpydvYDvDnQFyvkSscHp
|
a8i52h
|
{
"description": "stopping being friends with my buddy for being friends with people who treated me cruelly",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I stopped being friends with my buddy for being friends with people who treated me cruelly?
|
Me and my buddy, lets call him "Nick" have been great pals for the past 2 years. We were buddies as kids but recently reconnected in a group of mutual friends and have been great friends since. He is more than a friend to me, time and time again when I need it he's here to talk, hangout or whatever. The world doesn't deserve a guy as nice as him. Honestly he could shoot me in the foot and I'd forgive him no problem, but recent events are really screwing with my head and I don't know how I'm supposed to feel anymore. I'll get right into it.
As I stated earlier we reunited thanks to a mutual group of friends. Nick was friends with this group nearly his entire life and I have been friends with them for roughly 2 years when this all took place. I started to notice that some people in the group really weren't being all that nice to me, in fact it was pretty bad. I'd constantly hear about cruel things they said about me behind my back, to give an example of this 2 days after my grandmother passed away I wanted to hangout with one of my good friends. This friend was at a party and did not have an issue with leaving early to see me. Some individuals despite knowing what happened 2 days ago laid into me hard while I wasn't even there to defend myself, saying "its always gotta be a problem with this kid" despite the fact that there was no problem. My house rules were disrespected. anytime I needed support or help I was met with "that isn't my problem", yet they had no issues coming to me when they needed help. That was really a miniscule fraction of the shenanigans I put up with. It started to have a bad effect on my mental health so I decided it would be best to leave the group.
I did exactly that, silently. Despite this my leave was followed up with some more harsh trash talk and I thought it'd all be over. Here is where it gets cruel. After I left I was mocked pretty relentlessly to my friends still in the chat by the individuals who originally didn't treat me too well. This is where nick took a small stand and said that they were in fact bad friends, that didn't really have any effect but it was appreciated of course. I was snapchatted by one of the boys where he went on to say I have a "Napoleon complex" and "its no wonder all of your old friends left you" among other things. My only retaliation was calling him "a follower". This boy then went on to lie to others about what I said in an attempt to manipulate my remaining friends into thinking I was a bad person. Sadly, it worked, he sent it to my college roommate. That roommate then went on to actively make my life absolute hell at the college to the point where I was scared enough to go to the police. He actually could've gotten expelled, but I decided not to do that as ruining someone's future was a tad harsh. This roommate is in the friend group.
After all of this happened I learned that nick was still talking to all of them as if nothing happened. I was a tad hurt, as how could one of my best friends just sit by and watch me get harassed without saying anything. I called him up and told him how I felt. Never did I say I would stop being his friend if he remained friends with them, nor did I try to control his choice in remaining their friends. I only told him how it made me feel, like shit. Being the great guy he is he understood to the point where he was overcome with guilt from his lack of action that he got really upset. Of his own accord he stopped contact with them, told me he did not wish to remain friends with them after how they treated me and was ready to move on. All was hunkey dorey for a while.
That was until I found out that nick was still texting and talking to them, with plans to meetup, talk and hangout. Nick claims he forgot why he was mad at them in the first place. Now I still adamantly believe that it'd be pretty fucked up of me to force him to pick between friends, I wouldn't want to put anyone in that position, it isn't fair. But... even so, I just cant get over the fact that he's still able to remain their friends after what they did to me. Call it selfish or whatever you want, but after hearing that news I just cannot bring myself to have the same respect for him I once did. I don't even want to see him anymore if I'm being honest. I don't know why, I thought id be able to live with it if he remained their friend but now I'm not so sure. It isn't even as if I'm reacting like this to spite him or to prove a point, if I could make myself not be upset at this I would. But I cannot bring myself to look at him the same.
I'm not really sure what to do yet. I know it may seem childish to most but Nick is a special person to me. In the two years I've known him we have grown close and I don't want to end anything, but I just cant bring myself to look at him the same.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
LVLurRFrU8Ziqh3xPCeriVeZG7XQrmxr
|
addpsa
|
{
"description": "not getting involved in my fiances sister and mothers fight over her troubled son",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not getting involved in my fiances sister and mothers fight over her troubled son
|
Me (29m) and my fiance (24f) have together 6 years. Her family is very dysfunctional her mom and sister are both in state aid for no reason. My fiances sister has a troubled son bipolor and off his meds (16m) in and out of juvenile lock ups. Recently was released to my fiances and her sisters mom for guardianship and is on probation. Now her mom doesnt want to be here in michigan and leave for two months to florida to stay with family and expects me and my fiance to take care of him and get him in school and deal with his probation. My fiance wont talk to her sister because she doesnt want to get in the middle of it but us watching and taking care of him is. Also we are struggling financially my fiance hasnt worked in 5 months and we are barely getting by so the stress of adding another person to take care of is overwhelming. So she is calling me an asshole and always angry with me because i know this is a bad idea.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
oJLRhNU0SpmpkuxTN3hy21W41oKV1PI7
|
ah1ics
|
{
"description": "telling a friend I'm annoyed she blew off my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
WIBTA if i tell a friend I’m annoyed she blew off my wedding?
|
I’m debating on how to respond to a message sent by a friend who missed my wedding.
We have been friends now for about 5 years. We initially met because I needed a sitter for my dog and she answered my advertisement. But we became fast friends and even though she still dog sits for me occasionally, we chat and hang out as friends. I got engaged about 2 years ago and she was invited to the bridal shower by my maid of honor, but never rsvped. My MOH asked for help in getting her response and when I asked her, she said she wasn’t good at the manners thing but couldn’t make it and didn’t know she needed to respond no. Annoying but whatever. She also declined out of bachelorette. Okay. We still chat and talk like normal during the time. She flakes out of a few get togethers we had planned but that’s normal. We chat about my wedding occasionally and she tells me she’s excited, her and her boyfriend are making a weekend out of it.
The wedding comes and it’s amazing. So much fun. But I realize she’s not there. So I text her the next morning on the way to the honeymoon and ask if she’s okay. No response. Three days later, I ask again. She responds with a long message about how (cliff notes version) on the way she got caught in the rain, so had to change, then boyfriends car needed gas, but because they were late she rushed out of car to pay for gas and put weight on her foot weird and hurt it. So they turned the car around and went to the doctor. Foot is fine, she’s fine. Boyfriend is irritated they missed it and says she ” owes him dinner now LOL.” She said she was sorry, she loved me, and had a gift. We would plan a time for her to come over.
If I believe this story, which I’m not sure I do, I’m still irked by it. If it’s real, why not text me the next day and say it? Why do I have to ask twice if she’s okay and get a response four days later? How does a foot you put weight on weird prevent you from coming to a friends wedding?
So I haven’t responded yet. What I want to say, is I’m hurt and disappointed and annoyed. That her story is iffy at best and if I was important to her, she would have been there. That weddings are expensive and I had to eat the cost of her two dinners. That I’m not sure this is working for me anymore and I need some space to decide if I can still be friends.
But is that dramatic? Am I the asshole if I say that? Am I overreacting in general?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
8AGHZ97QfLPGdhroctwSUtnJzzdDhnw5
|
axw7im
|
{
"description": "dumping my gf after going through her phone",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA For dumping my GF after going through her phone?
|
For the past year I’ve been going through an uphill custody battle for my son as his mother started withholding custody about 8 months ago and I haven’t seen him since then. I’ve been working a full time 9pm-5pm (Mon-Fri) IT job and a part time 11pm-7am (Fri-Sat) weekend job to help pay for my legal expenses. I’ve been exhausted, stressed, and a bit depressed for the past 4-5 months or so. My GF and I currently live together, and she hasn’t taken my depression very well. I don’t blame her to a certain extent as I had been been very closed off and unemotional. But recently I’ve been working on picking myself up and coming back out of my shell to get our relationship (and myself) back on track.
For the past 2 months my GF has been exhibiting some unusual habits and behaviors. She’s been coming home extremely late on a regular basis, always on her phone, dressing extra nice when she goes out, etc. I knew something was off but I didn’t want to jump to any wild conclusions. The other night I asked her if there was anything she needed/wanted to share with me. She beat around the bush saying that the question wasn’t specific enough and eventually said no, but I knew she was hiding something. Tonight I went through her phone and found that she’s been going out with a guy for the past month or so. I don’t believe that they have done anything intimate but they’ve definitely been seeing each other regularly for lunch, dinner, movies, etc.
Just to lay out some additional details... I pay all of our rent as well as cable/internet and water. Ive also had her on my health insurance for the past two years bc she did not previously have it and started showing symptoms for what turned out to be a somewhat serious auto-immune disease. Even with her being on my insurance as a domestic partner, my state does not recognize her as a spouse and so an additional $400/month is withdrawn from my check to cover the taxes associated to having her on my plan.
I make a decent salary from my full time job and I don’t (didn’t) mind doing these things bc I love her and wanted the best for her no matter what. I’ve never held it over her head but now I feel so wronged. I refuse to be anyone’s doormat ad yet that’s exactly how I feel. I think I want to break up, move out, and remove her from my insurance policy as the this money could used elsewhere for my own personal benefit (my custody case, replacing my 12 year old car, saving for a house). My only hesitation is that I really do love her and I was optimistic about getting back on track.
WIBTA for immediately breaking up and shutting her down financially or should i try to salvage this relationship first? Am I overreacting?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
i79MPnKfAlXcMHiGceIfCoTdG1PzDPhM
|
b4kaz2
|
{
"description": "snapping at my friend calling me at 4:30 am",
"pronormative_score": 90,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for snapping at my friend calling me at 4:30 am?
|
I get home from my bar job at 1 am, then the next day I work at 8 am. So sleep is very important to me, I also have sleeping issues, when something wakes me up its very hard for me to go back to sleep. The person who calls me knows both of these things.
So when someone called me at 4:30 am I didn't regonize the number so I hung up, this same number then called me 3 more times. I checked our text history and realized it was an old guy friend I haven't talked to in 4 months and never see. I sent him a text saying "why the hell are you calling me at 4:30 am, if you're not super drunk or mortality wounded then stop it's very annoying. If you call me again im going to block your number" He then responded with "its been awhile and I think itd be cool to catch up." I responded by saying "at 4:30 am? Wtf, you know when I work and I have sleeping issue, now I'm going to be tired for the rest of the day, grow some self awarness most people are sleeping at this time." He responded "But I normally get up at this time and I thought you'd be into this surprise." I texted back "that's a dumb assumption why the hell would anyone be into that, I barly know you, leave me alone its 4 am and I don't have the time and patience for this stuff." When he asked when he could call me back I said, "when people are normally awake." I told my co-workers about it the next day and they said I shouldn't have been so rude.
Tl;dr: A friend i barly know called me at 4 am to video chat and I snapped at him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 88,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 90,
"WRONG": 13
}
|
RIGHT
|
OrMvFBxgz7kA5xF5TPioFe2siBxbTGC4
|
ad2su6
|
{
"description": "expecting to be invited to my girlfriend's suprise party",
"pronormative_score": 105,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for expecting to be invited to my girlfriend's suprise party?
|
For some background, I have been dating my girlfriend for about a year and a half.
It was my girlfriend's birthday on Friday. I had planned to suprise her that night with a dinner and cake at my place. She got off work early that day, and had made plans to catch up with one of her friends for a coffee to celebrate her birthday before coming over to my place. Her friend (who I will call Ally) was one of her longtime closest friends who now lives on the other side of the country for work, meaning they don't see each other very often.
Now I am not close to Ally, nor do I know her very well, but I have spoken to her before while they were on Skype, and she definitely knows that my girlfriend and I are together. Anyway, I am sitting at home on her birthday a few hours before she is coming over, and I get a text from her saying that she probably won't be able to make it to my place because Ally had organised a suprise birthday dinner for her.
Now I was a little annoyed since I had already bought the stuff to make dinner, but I hadn't cooked anything yet so no big deal. I texted back asking her what time everyone was getting there, and she said everyone was already there and it had already started. I said I would come and join them for dinner and she said that the reservation was only enough for the people who RSVP'd. I told her I hadn't heard about it which is why I didn't RSVP. I figured it could have just been a miscommunication, so I asked her to check with Ally.
I already know I'm probably an asshole for prodding as to why I didn't get invited, but I was just feeling a bit frustrated. A while later in the evening she texted me back that Ally didn't think to invite me because she doesn't really know me well and the dinner was supposed to be more of a get together of their old girl friends group from school. I was still a little annoyed that I had an evening organised, but I felt better knowing that it was more of a get together for her friends group.
I told her to have fun and arranged to meet her the next day to bring her birthday cake over. I didn't hear from her the rest of the night, so I texted her in the morning to ask how her night was. She said it was fun and that Ally would be joining us today for cake. I asked who ended being at the dinner. I was pretty upset to find out that on top of her old friends group, all of their partners attended the dinner, including Ally's fiance.
Even more upsetting she said that one of her friends boyfriend who originally couldn't make it arrived later in the evening, and the server squeezed in an extra chair for them at the table. I asked why she didn't let me know when she saw this so I could come, and she said she just 'forgot'.
At this point I was pretty upset and I bailed on plans to see her that day. Mostly because I was angry at Ally for not telling me and I didn't want to talk to her, but also because I was upset at my girlfriend for not seeming to care that I wasn't there. I ended up eating most of the cake I made for her out of spite, which I feel bad about and know I shouldn't have done that.
We haven't really spoken much at all since yesterday, as she is spending today with Ally again before she fly's home. I am still feeling bad for bailing on her and eating the cake without her, and I might end up making her a new one. But at the same time I feel so annoyed that I was seemingly purposely not told about her party. This may be me sounding entitled but if anyone should have their SO invited to a suprise party it should be the birthday girl, and I kind of expect I should have been invited considering everyone else's partners got invited.
Am I the asshole?
tl;dr: Girlfriend had a suprise birthday dinner thrown for her and I wasn't invited, even though everyone else's partners were invited. Am I the asshole for expecting I should have been invited?
UPDATE 1: We have been texting each other and I told her I have been upset with the whole birthday situation. Ally and her fiance have gone back home and my girlfriend and I have agreed to meet up tomorrow sometime to talk things out
UPDATE 2: Sorry for the delayed update, was meaning to post it and I forgot.
I met up with my gf and we had a serious discussion about things. I told her I was not upset about her cancelling our plans for her birthday, I am upset about not being invited or informed by Ally, and I am quite hurt that she didn't seem to care that I wasn't there.
She agreed that Ally should have included me but defends her actions because she doesn't really know me and she already knows most of her other friends partners from school and before she moved away.
I told her I was upset because she didn't want me the there. She denied it and said she would have wanted me there but she felt it wasn't her place to go making demands at a party that was organised for her. she admitted she lied about forgetting to text me when the other guy showed up late because she was nervous about upsetting Ally and coming off as ungrateful.
I told her that it hurt me because I felt like I was unwanted at the party by everyone there, and that if she considers us a serious relationship I expect to at least be invited to these types of events that are special to her. She said she does consider us a serious relationship with a future together but did not realise something like this was such a big deal to me, and has promised moving forward to put me first in situations like this. I know she is particularly close to Ally so I can understand why she might have got all wrapped up with spending time with her.
I feel a lot better have talking it out with her, and I trust her so I believe that she means what she said. That said, the responses in this post pointed out some signs to look out for, and I will be keeping an eye out for any more of these in the future. I am optimistic that she truly means what she said and I believe if a situation like this happens in the future she would handle things differently. I am looking forward to continuing to build a future with her.
Thanks everyone for the responses.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 104,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 105,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
RIGHT
|
BBafRNHYebXt4HceXBlhzayvAt09eHBW
|
az7xly
|
{
"description": "asking my boyfriend not to eat my bread",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for asking my boyfriend not to eat my bread?
|
Please tell me if I'm the asshole here, I'm trying to see my boyfriend's perspective. I made a loaf of banana bread a few days ago and today I put the last few slices in a bag so I can take them to work tonight. My work takes me to a remote location where I can't leave until the job is done and live out of my truck while there. Granted tonight if everything goes well I'll only have to be there a few hours, but I like to bring enough food in case I get stuck out there for days. He went to grab a slice and I said "no, I'm bringing those to work tonight" and he started slamming cabinets and the fridge door finding other food. I asked why that pissed him off and he said I'm so selfish with my stuff.. I had made him breakfast this morning which I didn't even eat and reminded him of the leftovers but he was still mad so I told him to just eat a piece of the bread then, but he wouldn't since I already told him no. Then he grabbed the chips I was eating out of my hands and said I couldn't have those because he was "planning on eating them later" (obviously just mocking me) and just yelled at me for being selfish until I was crying then he left. Am I the asshole/being selfish for trying to claim food as "mine"?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
dCsUCJFVuo7vfzSzqo68szzQEjjnvdOR
|
b1d5ud
|
{
"description": "getting my co worker fired",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA I got my co worker fired
|
Hello. First of all, I work in a dental surgery as a dental nurse so sterilization and all is very important and integral. Me and my bosses (head dentist and his wife) are friendly to each other so we never really had a bad time and I enjoy going to work everyday.
So today, I was the only dental assistant working and I'm was supposed to supervise this lovely old lady who we are currently training for reception and help in the sterilization. But due to our schedule today, I couldn't supervise enough so I just told the old lady to just dry the things and drop in the dry towel and I'll help her sort it out later.
Now what happened later is, while me and my boss are hanging out in the room while gathering instruments for the next patient, we found heaps of non-sterilized instruments which we used today packed but haven't gotten through the autoclave mixed with the sterilized ones. I was a bit surprised and I accidentally said "What the heck, these are non-sterilized!". And my boss got noticed of it and it was the first time I've seen him really angry and anxious because of the unclean instruments mixed on there. We hurriedly scour the drawers and found several more.
This was then I knew that this were the instrument I packed earlier that I placed in the "To autoclave" section. Some of them have tracking stickers which I helped the old lady print it out but I didn't have time to check because I was mid surgery and I only got out to get some instruments needed. The packets have indicators if they are sterilized or not as well and I'm pretty sure my fellow dental nurse who was in charge of training her had taught her that.
Now my boss was so mad he started cursing to himself in a soft voice and fairly anxious as well as this is what he says breach of safety. His wife came to us and he told her about this. I didn't hear their conversation since I went back to the room to set up for the next surgery. 5 min later, my boss came in the surgery and told me "she's done working here, thanks for that. I'm really grateful you found those". Now after this he told me that his wife said she's not doing a good job in the reception too and they also found some packs where the instruments are mixed and matched. They gave her time but this was the tipping point.
I feel bad now because I could've checked those packs but I didn't and all I did was print the tracking stickers and ran off. Also I feel like if I didn't say that those aren't sterilized and just took them all out, she could've been there still. I really like the old lady since she was really nice and I know she's trying her best. She's also given me some jelly yesterday. I really feel guilty and depressed atm.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
OZJTTokiFgJUYtFvGZxnI1faZgmZbJPP
|
ap8ry1
|
{
"description": "dying my hair blonde when my girlfriend told me not to",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for dying my hair blonde when my girlfriend told me not to?
|
Dyed my hair blonde against my girlfriends wishes... I think it looks ridiculously awesome but now shes threatening to leave me if I dont dye it back
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
0OqzHGs2S3F9x0NIo2TAqM22R7SF9UVL
|
axkww4
|
{
"description": "having an argument in a comment section",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for having an argument in a comment section
|
Okay, so recently enough, I got into an argument on Instagram with a random on a post. It was kinda stupid and I believe we were both just arguing for the sake of it. It goes on for about 3 days and eventually moves to DMs. (I have a public Page) I message the person at about 10pm and they don't respond till 8PM the next day with a more snarky comment than usual with a "I ain't in the mood for this" type of attitude. I gave a slightly smugish response about it not being my fault they ain't in the mood and if they didn't take 22 hours to respond maybe they wouldn't have had a problem.
After an hour or two, when looking through my notifications, I see that they posted a story. In the story, they mention their Grandpa died and they'll be taking a break from Instagram for some time.
This was the first time I knew of this, they never brought it up. I thought I won because they didn't respond and gave up for 22 hours.
So Reddit, AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "asking my sis to stop saying \"you already asked me that.\"",
"pronormative_score": 16,
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|
AITA for asking my sis to stop saying "you already asked me that."?
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So I have an illness that causes some relatively severe memory and processing issues, like not to toot my own horn but I'm fairly smart, graduated college at 20 years old, but have bad memory issues that make a hell of a lot of things really hard. My boss bullies the hell out of me over because she thinks someone my age shouldn't have the issues I do. Anyway-not the point. Because I have memory issues I often either tell the same story twice and ask the same question multiple times, it's something that I'm painfully aware of and hate about myself. Sometimes I'm terrified to ask a question and I spend time debating on whether I should ask or not.
So my sis tends to be a bit on the abrasive side, she often tells me shes working on being more empathetic because I'm insanely empathetic and she's seen how people need that sometimes. Regardless, so to the story:
I was working on a project and remembered there was a fevor I needed to aske my sis about so I walked into the living room and just asked her really quick.
She looks at me and says, "You already asked me that."
It was a yes or no question. This is a response I get at any point I accidentally ask a question twice.. It bothers me because I know I do that and I feel like I'm stupid for forgetting or like she thinks I wasn't listening, and because that doesn't tell me what she said when I'd asked before. Typically I say sorry and quickly walk away, still not knowing what the answer was, and just deal with the uncertainty.
Just now, after walking away I walked back into the living room and asked her to stop responding that way, telling her it really hurt me and made me feel stupid. I told her that the only reason I ask again is because I don't remember having asked in the first place.
She sort of just stared at me, didn't say worry and just said, "Okay."
I walked away and went to my room and shut the door. I put sticky notes and write messages to myself all the time, but sometimes I miss things and I can't control this... and then I felt worse for speaking up about how much it bothers me because I can't help but wonder... am I the asshole?
tldr: I have memory issues and asked my sister to stop saying something insensitive about it and she wasn't receptive. Am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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AITA or Is saying no to standing up in an old friend’s wedding okay.
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Hi just like the title says, I had to say "NO" to standing up at a friends wedding who I have known since we were 11. Some of the reasons that I said no were that.
\-I left for 2 and a half years to teach overseas. He and I never talked once that whole time.
\-Always blew me off when I asked him to come visit me overseas.
\-I haven't seen him sober in maybe 5 years.
\-He and a couple of my old friends from childhood have a terrible coke problem and I don't want to be around that.
\-The wedding is going to be incredibly expensive to stand up. (Bachelor party in Miami, and renting or buying a tuxedo)
But mainly I told him that I am depressed which is true and he can't seem to just except that as a reason that I can't stand. I have been experience a lot of reverse culture shock being home contributing to the depression.
I also think that I may have to stop hanging around my friends because of their cocaine problem but it's hard to give up on friends you've had for 20 years.
Anybody else have experience saying no to standing up? Did it damage your friendship badly?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "being upset that my boyfriend told his family how much I am going to make",
"pronormative_score": 6,
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|
AITA for being upset that my boyfriend told his family how much I am going to make?
|
Recently got hired at a new place where I will be utilizing my degree. I graduated mid December and started looking for jobs mid January. I got an email, called for an interview, got interviewed and got job offer 2 weeks later. Was super excited because this was my first choice.
I called my boyfriend to let him know. I was so excited, I told him everything, my start date, my salary. I get a text from a family member of his congratulating me. Awesome. I immediately text him not to disclose how much I will be making. Too late, he already has. I am bothered and annoyed, upset even.
I tell him that is personal information. That everyone knows you don't disclose your salary, especially the salary of someone else. I am upset. I cancel plans to see him. He says he was asked and answered because he was excited for me and bragging. I try not to be upset but I still am. We make plans for the next day.
I know once I see him I will react and get angry. I decide to cancel ahead of time and make plans for a different day. He's understandably upset.
Am I the ass for being mad and canceling? Maybe I will get over it later, but in my opinion it shouldnt have been asked and he shouldnt have given my salary.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{
"description": "not saying good morning",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for not saying good morning?
|
Im on mobile so sorry for any formatting issues!
This happened earlier today. I was taking my dog out so he can do his business. Once I checked that no one was there I took off his leash because I wasn't gonna be home for most of the day.
As my dog was prancing about, my neighbor happens to take her dog out as well. At this point I put back the leash of my Yorkie and proceeded to go get a doggie bag to pick up it's mess. As I passed her I said "excuse me" and got myself a bag.
My neighbor then scoffed at me and say "Not even a good morning? And I knew you for years." I apologized and said that it was due to me getting lack of sleep.
She then said "everyone's tired, you gotta pay more respect to people."
I apologized again and went home to get ready.
This has been gnawing at me for some time now, and I don't know where to place myself.
Tldr: took out dog, neighbor scoffed at me for being disrespectful by not saying goodmorning to her.
So Reddit, am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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apiati
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{
"description": "turning off my roommates computer",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For turning off my roommates computer?
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So, I'm a freshman in college, and I share a room with two other people, and it's been pretty okay thus far. My roommate likes to fall asleep to the sounds of TV, and wears headphones while she sleeps. I think her Bluetooth headphones died while she was asleep, and the computer started playing shortly there after. She wasn't waking up, so I got up, mind you it's like 5 am, and I just walk over and shut her computer. I got back from my first class, and she was leaving the room, and she was like, "don't touch my stuff". Wtf, I understand having private space, but I'm confused if I did something wrong. My other roomate doesn't think so, but the one with the computer was very pissed. Am I the asshole for touching her computer?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "taking back things my stealing sister-in-law borrowed from me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for taking back things my stealing sister-in-law borrowed from me?
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(English is not my first language so sorry for any mistakes. first post)
This happened when i was about 14 yo, my sister in law was staying with us at the time because my brother was abroad for a couple weeks.
Her phone broke so the person she would call couldn't hear her which means she can't talk to my brother (they were newlyweds and at the time she had no idea how to use internet). So she asks me to switch phones with her and i did because hers was fine except the voice issue and i didn't call people that much so i didn't mind.
One day i was looking for my usb that's full of series that i would download to watch when i felt bored and didn't have internet back in the day, i usually have it next to the tv in the living room.
I couldn't find it so i ask everyone in the house including her. She says she didn't see it and goes back to her room.
My sister suggests she looks for it one more time in our room. That's when she hears my sister in law talking over the phone with her brother telling him she found a really nice usb that he could use if he wanted. (the room we gave her was sharing the same wall with mine so my sister could hear her without even trying)
I was really pissed of and i wanted to go confront her about stealing but my mom said to just let it go because she didn't want my brother to know. But i couldn't just let her use my phone when she steals my things, so i took it back from her and put hers on her bed (there was nothing in it, she only used it to call my brother and her familly)
When she found out she called me so i went to her room, she asked why i switched the phones... i simply said that i wanted mine back, she then reminds me of the fact that my brother won't be able to talk to her but i just said that i wanted my phone back.
That's when she started crying saying she couldn't believe how cruel of a person i was, how she always thought of me as her little sister saying she would never do anything to hurt me like i just did to her...
I just closed the door and left.
Was i an asshole for doing that?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "possibly wasting $200 because I want to drive instead of fly",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for possibly wasting $200 because I want to drive instead of fly
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To preface this, I (26 F) am terrified of flying and always have been, but also love traveling. In order to combat this conundrum, I take about 2 mg of Xanax so I don't have a panic attack [Dr. approved] when flying. This means I try to avoid flying whenever I can. Everyone that knows me knows this.
For Valentine’s day my boyfriend (29 M) surprised me with a trip to Las Vegas for the long weekend. This of course is amazing! We live in Los Angeles, so we go about twice a year for various reasons and always drive the 4 - 5 hour trip.
When my boyfriend told me about his plans, he very carefully told me those plans included a plane flight. He explained he only bought the tickets because they were so inexpensive ($200 round trip for the both of us) so we could drive if I really wanted to.
Throughout the night he kept bringing up why flying was the better option. This indicated to me that he would be a little upset if I made us drive, mainly because he didn’t want to waste the money. We did discuss the pros and cons of both options and we both understood each other.
My boyfriend and I have known each other for over 15 years and have been dating for 4. We have only flown together once, so I don't fault him for not truly understanding the nuances of my fear. He has always been supportive when I haven't wanted to fly to Vegas or the Bay area in the past, but since he loves flying it’s hard for him to understand my anxiety.
In the end I would feel like an asshole for making us drive but I really don’t want to get on a plane.
So AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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adr3ge
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{
"description": "not letting my sister stay with me after she made a racist comment about my bf and used pepper spray on him",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting my sister stay with me after she made a racist comment about my bf and used pepper spray on him?
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So I invited my sister to come up to my apartment and stay the weekend because we've drifted apart since she got married and I moved 3 hours away. We were very close growing up but we had grown distant and were barely involved in each others lives at all. She couldn't come in until later that night, around 11:30 PM. I told her how to use the get into the parking garage and use the call box and everything, but for some reason she couldn't figure out the call box so I told her that my boyfriend was coming in in a couple minutes. Now the parking garage is really well lit and I live in a residential and super low crime area, so I knew she was fine standing there a couple of minutes or she could just get back in her car. My bf had just walked to the grocery store and was coming back and I told him just to let her in when he got there.
Then I get a text from her saying, "Can you just let me in? Creepy Muslim Iraqi looking guy walking towards parking garage. Don't wanna get raped or robbed out here" Now I've never known my sister to be racist, so this really threw me off. So I'm like what the fuck. My boyfriend's Indian and has a beard so I figure it was probably him so I text her, "That's probably (my boyfriend), does he have groceries?" and I call him and when he picks up all I hear is him saying "What the fuck are you doing?" and commotion and I hear my sister yelling something back at him. He tells me she pepper sprayed when he walked up to open the door and to bring some water for his eyes. So I grab a bottled water and run to the garage. He said that he had just gotten on the phone with his brother and that he assumed that I had told her he was coming and just kind of mouthed "Hey" at her while he was still on the phone and started to reach for his key and she just whipped out her pepper spray before he said anything else and didn't even ask him who he was or what he was doing. Apparently one of my neighbors had been sitting in his car and had seen it happened and he pretty much backed up exactly what my bf said had happened and was totally confused why she pepper sprayed him.
She was totally unapologetic about it and said that she felt threatened by him and got scared because she felt cornered (the door is in the corner of the garage). He's like 5'6" and skinny and dresses like a hipster. There's nothing physically threatening about him at all and he had a fucking recyclable bag of groceries. I realize she's not use to living in a city and is nervous about it and assumes that people constantly get mugged or whatever, but it made me furious that she would say something so blatantly racist and saying she was going to get "robbed or raped" by him and called him a "creepy Muslim guy".
I told her that I didn't want her to stay with us after that and I would pay for her a hotel that night if she wanted me to, but I wasn't okay with her saying that or attacking my boyfriend for no reason. After a little while, and when the fucking pepper spray stopped stinging, my bf was trying to diffuse the whole situation and said she could stay and he didn't mean to scare her if he did and he was sorry. But my sister continued to be bitchy about it and wouldn't say she was sorry and said she didn't want to stay because I was siding with him ??? and that it was my boyfriend's fault and she was crying and making it a whole big thing. I called her out in front of him for what she texted me and showed my boyfriend and things kind of blew up between me and her, yelling and everything. She didn't really have an excuse.
So she left and now she will barely respond to me and apparently told my parents I sided with my boyfriend over her even though I told them the story and they basically said it was my boyfriends fault for sneaking up on her. He didn't fucking sneak up on her. It makes no fucking sense and she basically racially profiled and attacked my boyfriend for no reason. I still for some reason feel kind of guilty still for not letting her stay that night and making our relationship more strained but I'm not sure what to do at this point.
TLDR; Sister was supposed to stay the weekend with me. Ends up pepper-spraying boyfriend in parking garage of our apartment complex when he tried to let her in the building and claims it was because she felt threatened by him, after making racist comment about her being scared he would "rape" or "rob" her because he looked creepy and Muslim. I told her she couldn't stay with us, now she's mad at me and I know I probably further damaged our relationship, but I feel like she basically racially profiled my boyfriend. Should I have been on her side at all or handled it differently? Am I being insensitive at all to her actually being scared? AITA for reacting the way I did?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "canceling plans",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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|
AITAH for canceling plans
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My friend, let’s call her Sarah, always makes plans with me and every single time it never goes according to plan, she always changes what we’re doing or how long I’m staying last minute and most of the time we just sit at her house or go to the mall (which I hate) and I don’t get home until two days later. I also don’t eat while I’m there so I survive off shitty snacks. I feel like an asshole for canceling but I can’t take it anymore and now she’s angry at me
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not helping my parents clean up a party for me and blaming the for being too intrusive",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not helping my parents clean up a party for me and blaming the for being too intrusive?
|
So basically let me say this first. My mom and I have a very tough relationship that is in a tough spot. I'm 17 and I turn 18 tomorrow.
So I'm in my schools musical production putting on a show in less than 2 weeks. As a lead in my schools musical, I am called slightly more often than most others. Today Everyone was called for about an hour. Little did I know, my parents planned to surprise me with cupcakes for everyone in the cast.
They showed up and startled me a bit and they got everyone in the cast to sing happy birthday to me. I was a little embarrassed but was glad it was happening. Everyone started wishing me happy birthday. Now as a kid in front of 70 friends, it's a bit embarrassing when your parents force you to hug them. I asked them to stop. My dad understood but my mom got angry at me for being ungrateful. I told her I was grateful but I really did not want to be hugged at the moment.
After everyone got a cupcake, my mom asked if she should wait outside or just go home. I told her she should go home because I hadn't asked the director how long the rehearsal would go for, but she knew it would end in a half hour so she insisted on staying.
After a half an hour she came back inside. She asked if I could help her clean up. I said yes and asked her what I should do. She then starts talking to my director and wont listen to me. So I sit down nearby and wait until she is done. Then after waiting about 3 minutes. She asks me to follow her, but then talks to someone else. After about another minute of this I am done.
I go to wait for her by the exit until she is ready. About 2 minutes later she comes to the exit and complains about how I didnt help but then handed me the trash to take out. (Mostly empty cupcake holders) we carry them to our car as they are too big to put in any trash can.
Now my mom offered to drive us home as I have my driver's permit but not my license yet. Little did I realise that I left my musical script and Nintendo Switch back in the school. We drive home and she is reprimanding me for not showing enough gratuity for the party and for waiting for me for a half hour. I told her I said thank you and that I gave her the option to go home. When we got home I realised I forgot my Nintendo switch so I asked my mom if she would drive me back. She said no because I was being so disrespectful. I kept saying it was hard to hug your parents in front of a bunch of middle and high schoolers. So I am writing this while walking back to my school for a 40 minute walk round trip in high winds and freezing hands.
So, am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{
"description": "putting the brakes on someone's initiative at work",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for putting the brakes on someone's initiative at work?
|
\[throwaway account to protect my identity\]
At my work, I manage three teams. Due to various M&A activity we are well under-resourced and I'm running at about 60% of the staff I need - but we are recruiting to fix this. The administration is aware of the situation.
I work very closely with our IT department - but they are also under-resourced and so are very behind on completing work for me. This is where it gets tricky.
It turns out the IT manager has been spending his time scoping out one of my teams (which is a marketing function), and he's gone into the administration and pitched that *he* should run that team – as long as he gets more staff. From his point of view, there is an opportunity, and he wants more budget, so he's made a pitch to takeover.
Now since we are short staffed across the board anyway, the administration is tentatively willing to let him go ahead with it to keep the wolves from the doors.
He made this approach to the administration when I was on leave - so I wasn't in the meeting with an opportunity to raise my point of view.
A lot of the new proposals that he has claimed he will accomplish are things I've already specified to him as required, but he hasn't had time to do it. In hierarchical terms we are both at the same level and both report to the CEO.
I could kick off. I could make it completely obvious that some of these are my initiatives, and that it's me who is responsible for the KPIs - and that I’d have concerns about handing an important team to a department who is already struggling to do their day job.
I could point out that some of his other proposed initiatives for this unit have underlying flaws - showing some knowledge blind spots of the subject matter.
This would damage his reputation at work. It would probably damage mine as well. Finally, we'd be worse off as a company because the work probably *still* wouldn't be getting done.
But I would have "put right a wrong" of him trying to poach my team while I was on leave and retain that control. I have the experience and the knowledge, so I've got a very good chance of winning that battle.
There's a 50/50 chance he would resign (he suggested to the admin that without his own career development he would have to consider resignation – M&A stress is part of the driving factor I think).
On the flip side, if I just make the concession, his team will start doing the required work, which would improve my KPIs with no effort on my part. I've been advised by a mentor that the best way to handle this is to be publicly supportive, treat them like they are delivering on all their promises, and if he struggles, I could be completely gracious about it and offer to take it back on to help.
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{
"description": "telling my wife to shush when she was laughing loudly",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for telling my wife to shush when she was laughing loudly?
|
My wife and I were on the couch watching funny things on YT. She was laying flat on her back on top of me and laughing with her mouth wide open. Because of this she was cackling loudly. I'm always concerned about being loud late at night in our apartment because of neighbors. So I said "shhhhh" to her. She jumps up and says, "Did you just ask me to shush?" I say yes and she jumps up and unplugs the Christmas lights and storms off to bed. Obviously I feel she overreacted, but am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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a8eb8b
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{
"description": "firing my therapist",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for firing my therapist?
|
TL, DR at the bottom
I was seeing a therapist for a few months, I have anxiety, depression and other issues concerning my family. I decided to go to see a therapist because although I do a lot of self therapy, reading and stuff, I still felt someone else’s perspective would help me as well as validation.
I had had around 8 sessions, during which I talked about me, she asked me some questions, but did not comment much.
So a few problems I had:
1. She never diagnosed me with anything or told me what she suspects I have.
2. Most of the time she listened to me but never commented and I felt like I was going in circles.
3. She did not explain to me how she would help me just said yes we will focus on this and this.
4. I have quite a toxic family and can’t rely on them, besides my husband and a few friends that’s it. She told me I am dependent on him too much, but I haven’t talked about our relationship much. Only that he supports me and we generally get along.
5. I told her my career options are close to zero and I hate my profession (mostly because my parents forced me). I told her that for the first time in my life I would like to see what I like. I told her I am studying in a new field that is loosely connected to my husband’s. She told me I shouldn’t do that because I will be dependent on him and she told me I should just work in my profession although I have told her I have worked, hated it and didn’t want to pursue it anymore. I also said that the profession is completely different just in the same field. He would basically not be able to help me much except to maybe introduce me to people in the same field. I also told her I was proactive and still searching for a job but couldn’t find one. She told me it doesn’t matter.
6. I have big issues with my family, mainly my mother, and after the third session she told me it is time for me to stop talking about her because it doesn’t help but I felt I wanted to talk to somebody about this more.
So, the biggest problem for me was that I felt as if she was telling me what to do, but I hoped a therapist would help ME make decisions. All my life my family has made decisions instead of me and I wasn’t allowed to have an opinion. So I felt as if she wasn’t allowing me to have a choice either and I wrote her an email terminating our relationship.
But I am worried I may be the asshole. I am having doubts if I should suck it up and just work in the field I hate because that is what you do. I feel like I am spoiled (my husband supports me and earns enough for us to live comfortably). I am also starting to doubt my relationship because when my husband and I have a good relationship I feel as if I am doing something wrong now. That I am just dependent on him. I am just afraid it is my anxiety making me an asshole and I cannot see clearly? I am also afraid she was right I just should have done what she said because I know my anxiety and depression can blur my vision.
So, TL, DR: I fired me therapist because I didn’t like that she told me what I should do and I felt judged. Because of my anxiety I am afraid I may be the asshole. So reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
WJBSyQSIVOQSHiT5tJ5QGJqkvdwW5wgX
|
axsox1
|
{
"description": "ignoring my 'friend' after a hangout",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ignoring my ‘friend’ after a hangout?
|
One of my ‘friends’ is a pretty annoying all the time. She (we’ll call her SK) is very clingy and doesn’t know how to interact with people, and has no sense of personal space. She invited me over to her house, and was very excited about it. Her dad wasn’t responsible (didn’t respond to my dad’s texts [I am a minor]) and she was constantly insulting me for no reason (calling me dipshit and stuff). I just played along, uncomfortable. Her dad also went on a tangent about how a political opinion (that I don’t believe is right) is the best opinion. I started ignoring her after that, and only told her ‘it’s not happening again’. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
FPALpVXiNAIE7OOwpFeqEK665FM88Clh
|
b6a96z
|
{
"description": "reporting my mechanic to the Bureau of Auto Repair",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I reported my mechanic to the Bureau of Auto Repair?
|
Took my car in to get smogged. It failed. Mechanic said I need a new EGR valve. Failed. Said I need new catalytic converters. Failed. Said I need a new MAP sensor... and 2+ months and $1500 later... IT PASSED!
I get it, fixing cars it hard. I don't blame him for all the repairs. But here's the thing: **afterward I asked him, "Do I need to just sell this thing now to avoid future headaches, or is it safe to hold onto?" And he said to me with a smile and full confidence, "It's totally fixed. You will have absolutely no trouble smogging it in the future."** Awesome glad to hear it.
So fast-forward 3 months. I was still suspicious of the status of my car. I go in there and tell him I want another emissions test run on it, and **the fucking thing fails with the exact same issue it had all along.**
Ok, so here's the juicy part. **He tells me they never figured out how to fix it, so to get it to pass he ran the test when the car was ice cold in the morning, and also went through the gears in a specific way to minimize load.** He told me this was legal (I'm doubtful.) So basically, this guy lied to me about my car being fixed, charged me for it, and then fudged my car through the test. **Then he told me when I want to sell it, he'd get it through the test the same way again.** I'm not one to yell at people so I just said "Yeah okay" and left. But now I don't know what to do.
​
**Options:**
**1) Report him to BAR** (Bureau of Auto Repair) which is a gov't consumer advocacy agency in CA who help people who are getting fucked over by their mechanic.
*Pros: He's a liar and might deserve it. Hopefully would get my $$ back.*
*Cons: my car would be outed as not actually passed, so I'd have to take it to another shop and start over, or sell it as non-operational for less money.*
**2) Demand he keep working on my car** (for free?) or else give me all my money back? Def don't want to go in there and say "keep working on it and I'll pay." I feel like I've paid enough.
*Pros: most assertive.*
*Cons: could get roped into another wild goose chase with this guy. Also would be most stressful for me to do as a non-confrontational person.*
**3) Have him fudge the test again and then sell it.**
*Pros: I'll get the car out of my hair fastest and for the most money.*
*Cons: Assuming he can actually even fudge the test successfully again (who knows), I'd likely be screwing over the person who buys my car.*
​
Would I be an asshole for reporting him after what I've been through? I've lost so much sleep over all this shit over the past year, so I'm pretty desperate. You would seriously not believe me if I told you all the other ridiculous stuff that has gone on with this car during my time with it. It's almost making believe in cursed objects.
***tl;dr*** *- Had to get an emissions test on my car. Mechanic lied about it being actually fixed, and just fudged the test instead. Told me he'd fudge it for me again when I want to sell it.*
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
6LDbLgennGYoRjy8B7saJnPiSG2IhYBD
|
ayripo
|
{
"description": "stealing someone's seat at lunch",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for stealing someone’s seat at lunch?
|
So I come from my yearbook class at lunch, and try to sit in my usual spot. However Ronak is already sitting there. So I sit in the spot directly to his right. Pierre comes over (angry). “Why’d you take my seat” I tell him that I cannot move since Ronak is in my seat. He goes to the end of the line and tells them all to move down one. They all comply and he sits in his seat. He then goes to get his pizza at lunch, and I tell everyone to move back. He comes back (angry) “what is this shit” and no one moves back. Everyone gets up and applauds me on my achievement. I feel kind guilty tho tbh.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
KEOoRTP2XmCS3VtBji1hxd7uyif1t6b9
|
9tn5is
|
{
"description": "staying in my home after separation and making wife move out",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for staying in my home after separation and making wife move out.
|
Married almost 3 years with 2 young children. Wife came to me last month wanting a divorce. Since she does not work and has been struggling with her anger and dealing with the children, I said I would not feel comfortable leaving the kids with her in the home that I pay for. She’s living with her grandparents, not making much effort to see the kids other than berating me daily to remind me that her part time job doesn’t allow her to see them and trying to make me feel like an asshole for “making her homeless”. Both our names are on the house but she has not every paid anything in mortgage. I have the kids 7 nights a week and she constantly wants to try to make me feel like I’m the bad guy when I’m not the one who asked for divorce in the first place. Today she started saying that she should be allowed to stay in the house until she can find a full time job and an apartment of her own.. I don’t want to keep the kids from her at all but I do not want to be in the same house as her, she has proven time and time again that she is unable to take care of the kids right now.. just really torn between trying to help the woman that I’ve done everything for during the past 4 years, and trying to stand up for myself and my kids in a situation that I never asked for. Sorry if this is dumb or confusing but I’m really messed up over this today. Thanks in advance guys. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
RIGHT
|
zJrPGtl9QD23WE2kphdfM3tQ83fokkiL
|
ajjhws
|
{
"description": "tipping delivery drivers with food",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for tipping delivery drivers with food
|
To further clarify, I rarely carry any cash on me as I mainly use my debit card.
So I try to think of a food that most people generally tend to enjoy and order it for them. I'm not a delivery driver and never have been so I don't specifically know how they'd like to be tipped.
I'd like to know if I'm an asshole for tipping in food because I'm genuinely ignorant if it's a bad thing or not.
Edit: when I have cash I do tip them with that instead of food.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 13
}
|
WRONG
|
c8ZAA2WOjssaQFlVIiO9XrmxOZ4afFaO
|
b4i5zc
|
{
"description": "breaking a promise with my ex to date a different girl",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for breaking a promise with my ex to date a different girl?
|
To clarify, the promise was made while I was dating my ex.
When I was dating my ex my mental health declined quickly from the lies she told me. And I dont mean entirely traumatic, I mean supernatural beliefs. She threw me into such a state of psychosis over all of it. And it held us together. The forced fake feeling that we are the only people we can turn too. Around this time I noticed the girl who is my current girlfriend was showing signs of liking me. As things go on, me and my ex go deeping and deeper into the rabbit hole.
Eventually, the girl who is my current girlfriend gave me a note confessing. And I started to like her aswell. So I went to my ex to talk about it. And she said she found another girl she likes. So we came up with a deal. With a promise. We would pursue these others, but if it didn't work out with one of us the other would have to act as rebound. So I dated this girl and she dated her girl. Her relationship doesnt work out so I have to leave mine to be with her. But deep down I knew I really liked that other girl. I mean I really liked her as a person and I hated having to hurt her for my ex. So, I broke up with my ex and went back to the new girl. And me and this new girl have been happy ever since. Almost 3 years we've been together now.
Now, my ex has told me she isn't mad at me. I still told her I feel like I did something wrong to her. And she said not to worry about it. And I still feel like I just hurt someone I cared about for a healthier relationship. And currently I still retain some supernatural beliefs, but they are more reasonable. Like some people have dreamt of future events and not stuff like there is a demon who is my half brother and bullshit like that.
So, the relationship was toxic but neither me or my ex could tell. Whatever the case may be, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
O10FJxIvF0Hbu2rDoIrngYIrVm9dJOVF
|
auclj1
|
{
"description": "not allowing my Fiance's sister",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not allowing my Fiance's sister
|
AmI the asshole for not allowing my fiances sisters cats to move into our 3bed apartment . Her sister is dealing with an abusive, boyfriend, relationship and lives in PA. She wants to get away and move to FL and start over and get back on her feet. However, she also wants to move her 2 cats in as well. Our apartment complex only allows 2 animals as it is. And we already have 2 cats. I told her sister she is more than welcome to come live with us and get back on her feet, but there is absolutely no way her cats can stay with us. I feel guilty as i love cats, and my fiance feels pressured into her sister staying with us because her sister says "if she cant bring her cats shes just going to stay in an abusive situation." I find that extremely manuplative and not actually constructive to her wanting to better herself and probably a start to her taking advantage of us. She also has another option that she hasnt told us; that she can move to NY into her brothers studio and hes more than welcome to accept the cats as well, but she turned that down because its too small.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
MCruzknUv5waKlTbkIDiQgAv1b1hJNqi
|
b1fefy
|
{
"description": "getting mad at him, or is he because he ditched me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA: for getting mad at him, or is he because he ditched me?!
|
I drove two hours to see an old friend. We go on a hike and he nearly ditches me the entire time (30 minutes into a 3-4 hour hike)!! My phone has no signal so he couldn’t have reached me even if he wanted to.
I finally get to the top (2 hour hike to the top) and he is not there. Afraid we made different turns at the multiple forks in the road, I worry now. But then I see him a couple meters below the summit, alone, enjoying the scenery, not worried, eating the snacks, water etc I packed for us in the backpack he offered to carry up. My phone was in the bag too, did he not consider to go back and check for me or where the heck I was?!!! (I was not even within visual distance of him and I am not that slow a hiker)
I am so fumed about this I cannot even go down to sit next to him to enjoy the scenery at the top. He later claims “that’s just how I hike, i go at my own pace.” Then he claims we shouldn’t be friends anymore because of our “miscommunication.”
This has got to be BS? Who ditches a friend when hiking, when you’re meant to hang out together? I mean, I thought that was common knowledge, not miscommunication. He is definitely the asshole am I right and I can get rightfully mad?A
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Q8sauLonkVsVhTVAdmOLCN2r49vI5A7b
|
a0t4jo
| null |
AITA got calling out my constantly tardy best friend?
|
So my best friend is always late I live an hour away from her so when I make plans I expect her to be ready on time for me to pick her up. Almost always she’s late the most common reason is cause she was still asleep. Today we made plans to hang out she fell asleep again and had me waiting for two hours no text or anything excuse I just layed down in voice call with my boyfriend and passed out. So I called her out on it cause I feel like she’s not respecting my time at all and she says that me doing that makes her feel shitty when she already feels bad for making me wait.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Zh2yVboAwUSZG20KMgz5KcMci6uWtYei
|
a493vj
|
{
"description": "not telling my girlfriend's mother something I wasn't supposed to tell her... without talking to my girlfriend first",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not telling my girlfriend's mother something I wasn't supposed to tell her... Without talking to my girlfriend first?
|
TL:DR I told my girlfriend's mother about something that my girlfriend told me, without letting my girlfriend know first.
Rose (not real names), my girlfriend, was complaining to me about her mother. Rose was talking to her mother about a sensitive topic and her mother was not showing a lot of support. Of course, I knew that her mom DID want to support her, but just didn't know how to do it correctly. Her mom is nice, but I guess she just didn't know how to deal with the situation.
So now I just had to get Rose to talk to her mom. I know that if they talked the situation out, they would get along again and Rose would've gotten the support she needed. The problem was that Rose was firm in believing that her mom wouldn't help her. I couldn't convince Rose to have a conversation with her mom. So what do I do now?
If her mom doesn't know that shes hurting Rose, things won't get better. This problem that they are dealing with is affecting Rose a lot emotionally and even physically (she can't sleep sometimes). I know that if her mom were to show some encouragement it'll make Rose feel better. So today I finally decided to tell Rose's mother... Without telling Rose first.
What happened next? Well, Rose's mom listened to what I had to say, and she gave Rose lots of attention today in hopes to make her feel better. Rose noticed this extra affection, and knew something was up. She confronted me and asked me about it. I confessed that yes, I did indeed tell her mother without letting her know first.
My reasoning for my decision? If I asked Rose before I told her mom, I knew she was going to tell me not to. If I told her mom after knowing that she didn't want me to, I would've looked like a real assholes and she would've completely lost her trust in me. I decided to tell her mom and gamble on her not figuring it out. I was willing to take the risk of her finding out and getting mad at me, as long as I have a shot of making thing better for her. Keeping her happy is more important to me than keeping her from getting mad me.
After Rose found out that I told her mom without telling her first, she got very mad at me. Which is to be expected. Personally, I think I did the right thing. Now Rose can worry less about her mother not caring about her and getting support from her mom as well. But am I the asshole for not telling her first? She seems very hurt by that, and I take full responsibility for causing her those feelings.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
EO2TXqnrB6ZisV0XjwyB0NOPWZ5cPzTx
|
b184fa
|
{
"description": "indirectly calling my friend/coworker ugly",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for indirectly calling my friend/coworker ugly?
|
So this all happened yesterday/today and he says I'm an asshole for not understanding what he is saying nor apologizing. I think I should have nothing to apologize for.
So backstory a bit I am 19, my friend (we will call Gary) just hit 40 and he looks around in his mid thirties. Gary has had a rough time finding love and he got infatuated with this married women (apparently the married woman is on and off with her husband) and well apparently Gary went for it and she turned him down, because shes married, and he is super down.
Well yesterday she walked by and to kind of cheer him up I said "dont worry shes ugly anyways" halfway through the work day. Well he has some anxiety and feels everybody hates him and doesnt want to step on relationships, so when I asked if he wanted to come over to watch some South Park because he has no internet, he replied with "I dont want your husband to hate me or get jealous". I said "dont worry when he saw you in person he said he had nothing to worry about because you look like you're thirty" as in like my husband knows I wouldnt date somebody older than me.
Well today I walked into work and he gave me a huge attitude all day and then said "you called me ugly". I was honestly shook and was taken aback
He said that both of my statements combined together meant that I was indirectly saying "Gary is so ugly that an ugly girl didnt even want him." He says I should apologize for calling him ugly and 'I'm showing how young I am by not understanding his side'.
I understand I probably worded the 'looked thirty' comment badly but I just dont understand what I did wrong. When I tried talking to him he literally interrupted me everytime and said 'wow you really show how young you are' and 'just say you're sorry'. Tbh I'm stubborn and wont.
Am I in the wrong? Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
ybiMf8rhwl8t166jOyVuNrjrWn245Tk7
|
aooesl
| null |
AITA my boyfriend avoids all arguments
|
My boyfriend and I currently have a wonderful relationship and we love each other dearly but we never fight.
I know this sounds crazy, like it seems like I’m asking to fight with him but that’s not the case. Every once in a while we will have a disagreement or an argument and as soon as it becomes a digger deal than what it should have been, he instantly shuts me out- to the point where he won’t even speak. He hates fighting and so do I but I truly believe that having arguments is healthy for a relationship in the sense that it allows for us to be able to communicate on a more emotional level where we will have to understand each other’s ideas and feelings. But, like I said... he just shuts me out.
So occasionally I do try to start small arguments here and there just to try to get him to open up to me instead of shutting me out and I’m just wondering if that makes me an asshole??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
qNIcb95WBKF5lMKjX9B0xXexRRTcKk1v
|
avujoj
|
{
"description": "calling my flakey friend out when she was having a bad day",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for calling my flakey friend out when she was having a bad day?
|
So I (20m) have this friend (23f) who I really love hanging out with. She's cool and we always have a good time smoking together and chilling. Unfortunately, she is really unreliable. She's got a really bad habit of saying "yeah let's hang out tonight" and having me smoke her out, then just not showing up. The last 4 times we were *going* to hang out she just didn't show up, and never communicated that she wasn't going to.
I can be a bit anal with planning, I really like to know the timeline of things, but she is impossible to predict with these things. Last night we were gonna chill and smoke, and at about 7 we set up all the plans and she told me she was gonna shower and get an Uber. About 9 o'clock I haven't heard from her, called her once and didn't get anything.
I had had enough, I texted her how it was starting to piss me off how she has me make plans and sit at home waiting to hang out without any sort of reliability. I said I found it disrespectful and finished with "not cool man"
She then texted me at like 11 saying "I just found out some not great news and cried and just woke up, so yeah. Sorry. I'll drop off again. Lesson learned."
Blah Blah Blah, I pointed out that I was obviously unaware of whatever she's got going on and I'm not just trying to be a dick. I want to be there for my friends and help with whatever issues they have, but I can't if I don't know what's going on. Still don't know what's going on.
Haven't heard from her since and I'm starting to wonder, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
36erBpamWf5McB6vdbBH1fVxXFGfgQMh
|
b5v3s7
|
{
"description": "pretending to be supportive",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for pretending to be supportive?
|
My good friend has been Unlucky in love for years. She's 31 now and she has just entered a relationship with a man she met back in January. I have met him one time. She's constantly calling me and telling me things about their relationship that throw up huge red flags but she's not seeing them as red flags or looking for an opinion, she's just over the moon and gushing over him.
Even though I've only met him the one time, I don't like him. He tries way too hard to act like they're a couple that has been together for years. He wants to rush into getting married 🚩 and having kids🚩already and it has only been 2 months ffs. He has an 11 year old son from a previous relationship that he sees a couple times a month but he has blown him off twice already to hang out with my friend 🚩
He's already showing signs of jealousy and has been caught going through her phone. 🚩🚩🚩
The only thing I tell her is not to come in between him and his son. The thing is, I want to tell her so much more! Like what a deadbeat I think he is for ditching his child for a new chick, how dumb she is for falling for his baby and marriage talk so soon, but I just dont say anything because I've been there before. I've been the person that gives advice only to have it blow up in my face, the person stays with their significant other and I end up looking like the jerk.
When she talks about their future plans I just give vague replies that sound neutral but lean towards the supportive side. I know she wants children so I think she's ignoring the red flags because this (in her eyes) may be her only chance at having them before she gets older.
Am I the asshole for not telling her how I feel and for pretending to be happy for her when I'm just so nervous for her future with this guy?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
7vwgZB0iBpYFdQhbbiD3strW9RPCGCAw
|
b5lqzc
|
{
"description": "not letting my neighbor park in the driveway I pay for",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting my neighbor park in the driveway I pay for?
|
I live in a weird apartment complex where there are multiple small houses spread out surrounding a courtyard. There is a long narrow driveway that can fit multiple cars, but there is only room for one car to leave at a time. When I moved into my apartment, the landlord said that the driveway is included in my rent. For the past 4 years I have parked in the driveway without any issues. Occasionally it is hard to find parking on the street and a neighbor will park behind my car in the driveway but knock on my door to make sure I'm ok with it.
A month ago a new tenant moved into an apartment at the end of the driveway and wanted to be able to park in the driveway. She is a relatively old woman (probably in her 60s) and initially did not believe that the driveway was only for me. I asked my landlord to contact her and let her know that the driveway is included in my rent but not hers. After an initial confrontation, she stopped parking in the driveway for a couple weeks, but recently started parking her car there again. I didn't mind at first since she came home after I did and left before me. However, I had to leave twice in the past few days and her car was blocking mine. The last time I asked her to move her car we got into an argument. She said that since she pays rent too she pays for the driveway (not true, my landlord told me explicitly that the driveway is mine).
Am I the asshole if I stop letting her park in the driveway? I do not want to have to ask her to move her car if I want to drive somewhere, but I also want to be considerate since she is an older woman who is living alone and I typically work from home, so most days I don't even use my car and it would not affect me if she parks in the driveway. However, she has been mean and confrontational when I ask her to move her car and she never asked my permission to park in the driveway. It's within my rights to not let her park there, but would I be an asshole?
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{
"description": "washing my hands after petting someone's dog",
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AITA for washing my hands after petting someone’s dog?
|
I’m kind of a neat freak so I like to keep my hands clean at all times. Whenever I pet a random dog or even a friend’s, I wanna go wash my hands immediately after that before touching something else but I don’t unless they leave. I feel like me doing that is implying their dog is dirty which I know it isn’t but I just like my hands clean all the time. Does this come off as rude?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "going any further down the Rabbit Hole",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
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|
WIBTA If I Go Any Further Down the Rabbit Hole?
|
I have snap streaks with a person (sending a pic on snapchat every day), and I noticed that they hadn't sent a single picture for like 21 hours. So I sent a little message, saying it will die if they don't send a picture. I also, in the hopes of postponing it, sent an extra photo as opposed to my usual 2, making how much I sent to a grand total of 4 that day. No response at all. The next day, I wake up, and see that our streak is miraculously still alive. I send a regular streak, then I send a note saying, not to forget. They open it, but don't respond at all.
I think I should cut the crap, and straight up ask them to send a pic, but I've now sent a total of 6 things in total between everything, and I really REALLY don't want them to get annoyed at me, but I don't want the streak to end. WIBTA if I sent a message asking for a picture, or is that too obsessive, and potentially friendship-breaking?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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a3xjah
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"description": "telling my mom to stop unloading on me",
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WIBTA if I told my mom to stop unloading on me?
|
I'm 14 and since my grandma passed earlier this year my mom has been unloading her feelings on me. Her parents are gone and my grandma was the last parental figure she had so she's been lonely. She also has depression and anxiety that she goes to therapy for.
Anyways, my dad has a female friend (we'll call her Patty) and my mom doesn't like her. Patty is married with 2 kids and has been friends with my dad since they were 15. My dad recently got in touch with Patty again so she's been visiting more often.
My mom has been feeling unwanted and unloading that onto me. She's been talking about how she wants to divorce my dad and how it would be better if she just ran away. I love my mom but I don't think I can keep being her human diary.
tl;dr My dad got back in touch with an old friend. My mom has felt unwanted and been asking me for advice.
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HYPOTHETICAL
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b18tsr
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"description": "using a Sking that looks like my Ex in a Video game",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
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AITA For Using A Sking That Looks Like My Ex In A Video Game?
|
I play League of Legends a lot. Love the game, it's a great game. Now I happen to main a champion in the game called Evelynn. For those of you who don't know LoL has different skins for their champions. Skins change the visual appearance of the champions you play.
I have been dating my girlfriend for about a year. We were friends way before that. We were friends when I was dating a girl I'll call Tango. I was with Tango for 4 years, and apparently my current girlfriend liked me the whole time.
The other day I was playing LoL and my girlfriend was watching me. She noticed that the skin I picked looks in her words, "Exactly like your ex". I had never made this connection before, but looking at it now I do agree it looks a lot like my ex (It's Tango Evelynn if anyone was wondering). I responded to her that I've never even noticed that before and I've been using this skin since it came out. It's literally the only skin I use.
She then asked me to stop using it. I thought that was ridiculous. She's getting jealous over a video game skin that looks like a girl I havent talked to in nearly a year. I told her that I've always used this skin and I want to continue using it (it's the only one I own and I think the base skin looks like crap.). She got pretty upset about it, so I offered, "Hey if you give me the $10 or so to buy a new skin I will gladly switch to a new one". She refused and is still upset that I want to use this skin, AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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a2rymd
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"description": "not wanting this guy at my birthday party",
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|
AITA for not wanting this guy at my birthday party?
|
NOTE: I am posting this on behalf of my cousin, who does not have a reddit account. Any "I"s you see past this point are from her perspective.
A family friend of mine, Judy, has a son, Jack, who is my age (15). Jack is special, and I think he has Asperger's on top of it. Judy always brings Jack with her when she visits my family (maybe once a month or so), which has been going on for as long as I can remember. When my sister and I were kids, we would usually go play with Jack while my parents and Judy talked in the living room. Now that we're all a little older, spending time with Jack is a little more difficult. I have nothing against him or anyone with a mental disability. He's a really sweet and goofy guy. But it's hard to be around him for hours on end. He talks A LOT, very loudly, and fixates on certain topics. He's been obsessing over his model train kit for nearly a year and will talk about it non-stop. He recently got a Keurig machine for his birthday, and now he won't stop talking about that. Basically, anytime Jack comes over, it means I have to listen to him pour forth about his favorite subjects for hours without much actual conversation (it can be hard to have an actual conversation with him because he doesn't get most social cues). But as I said, this only happens once a month or so, so it's not a big deal. And again, I know Jack can't help the way he is.
Here's the problem, though: Next week, I'm having my 16th birthday party at my house, and my mom invited Judy and Jack without asking me beforehand. I'm sure this sounds horrible, but I am NOT looking forward to having Jack at my party. I'm a pretty awkward person and don't have many friends as it is, so I feel that Jack's presence would just make things awkward beyond belief. You have to understand: he *does not stop talking* about his Soda Stream, trains, or whatever he's currently obsessed with, so I feel he would be very disruptive and dominate the scene the whole time. My best friend also has a sensory processing disorder that makes her very averse to loud noises, and I'm afraid his loud voice will be disturbing to her. My mom totally blew me off when I raised my concerns to her. I found it really rude that she invited people to my party without telling me, and I'm especially pissed that she doesn't seem to care about how it will affect my friend's disorder. (Though to be fair, I guess, she doesn't seem to understand it.) When I think about how this birthday party will go with Jack there, I get so much anxiety that I'm honestly considering just texting my friends (four in all) and saying the party is canceled.
But I don't know. I'm anxious because I really don't think the party will go well with Jack there. But I also feel selfish and mean for wishing Jack wouldn't come. I don't want to discriminate against Jack and I'm afraid that's what I'm doing. So AITA for not wanting Jack to come?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "I get ridding of my wife's dog",
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|
WIBTA if I get rid of my wife’s dog?
|
My wife’s dog is old. Around 10. He’s always been a grouchy little bastard with me. My wife always thought it was funny that I was so cautious around him, but the fucker is mean. He will snarl if you sit too close to him on the couch. He growls when you get close to his food. He can’t be around other animals which has always bummed me out as I’ve wanted more pets.
My wife refuses to train him or even let me try to train him. She has always told me to just leave him alone and let him be. I wasn’t happy about it, but he was her dog so I respected it.
The problem is now we have a 2 year old son. He’s curious and always tries to go play with the dog. Wife and I have to keep them mostly separated, it’s a pain in the ass to be honest.
Last night wife was going to take the dog out to do his business and my son was in the kitchen. My son got away from me for a second and got to close to the dog and got bit. It didn’t break the skin and might not have even been that hard, but he was bawling.
I’ve had enough of this dog. I want to get rid of it. My wife is not even considering it. Keeps shutting down the discussion completely. She thinks I’m overreacting. I can’t believe how ok she is with this dog biting our son. It’s become a safety issue. What happens the next time if the dog really decides to go all in?
I know it’ll cause hell between her and I, but I just want to load him up and go to an SPCA a few towns away and surrender him.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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avwh4v
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{
"description": "not wanting to celebrate my birthday at work",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to celebrate my birthday at work?
|
We apparently missed someone's birthday recently in my office of over 25 people. That person did not complain, but a friend of theirs did. In response, one person took it upon themselves (and subsequently got approval from the office manager) to ask (pry IMO) for everyone's birthday so that we don't miss anyone's again. Again, more than 2 birthday parties a month on average. I resisted but I didn't want to be the only person who refused to give up their birth date. I just don't like that kind of attention, or the goofy gags they pull in my office with photoshopped pics on the cake and trick candles. It's not like I don't get along with people or my office is toxic - I really enjoy most aspects of my job and coworkers. I'd just prefer to celebrate in a low key way with friends and family.
Bonus question: AITA if I use a sick day on my birthday? If I take a planned day, they'll rearrange my cake. If I take a sick day, they'll just have the cake without me. I feel like if I call in sick, I'm definitely an asshole.
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HISTORICAL
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ackxvm
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{
"description": "talking to a girl's service dog",
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}
|
AITA for talking to a girl’s service dog?
|
A bit of background: there is a girl in my biology class with a service dog in training; pup is maybe 8 months, not old enough to be trained fully. She said that eventually he will be able to warn her of seizure symptoms, but he is still learning and doesn’t listen to commands 100% of the time. He will sometimes bark at passers by, get distracted, etc.
One day in lab we were walking to various tables to view specimens. Usually the girl has her dog sit in a chair while this happens. This particular day, the dog hopped out of the chair and started to follow me as I went around the classroom. Not thinking, I told the dog to go back to his owner and he did so. I’ve felt horrible about this incident for months because I know that you’re not supposed to talk to service animals. However, i feel like something needed to be done about the dog not keeping a close eye on it’s owner. So I’m asking you guys, AITA for this incident?
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{
"description": "fighting with my guest",
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}
|
AITA for fighting with my guest
|
I‘m having difficulty with a guest of mine at the moment and need some clarity.
So a guy is staying in my flatmate’s room until Friday. He’s been here since last Friday (visiting her) but she’s left since Sunday so it’s just him there now. I didn’t really want to let him stay in the room while my flatmate wasn’t there but felt that I should support a fellow student so that he didn’t have to spend money on a hostel/hotel.
He had been kind of getting a bit on my nerves with some little things but nothing that i couldn’t deal with until Friday.
I should also mention that we’re having a problem with mold in our apartment. I live in a country where all the buildings are old and there’s very particular stipulations about protecting against mold in winter. We already have mold and are probably going to have to pay a lot of money to get rid of it already, so I’m a like a bit fussy when it comes to like the windows and the heaters basically. If I don’t deal with it myself the landlord could sue me and I could end up having to pay thousands of euros.
So this guy is Russian and said that he can only get to sleep when it’s cold in the apartment, had all the windows open when it was near freezing outside. While he was (very loudly talking to his mother on Skype at 11pm in the kitchen) I asked him to close them and although he said yes, he was clearly a bit irritated. He seemed to think that he was the guest, he should be able to live by his own rules here. He got a bit angry at me, told me he was going to continue talking to his mother, and somewhat aggressively told me good night.
I went back to my room and considered whether to ask him to leave from tomorrow. I’d been getting more and more fed up with him about little things. What’s more, we got a letter that our rent is being raised for the second time this year, we have scaffolding and a plastic sheet around our home that’s blocking all the light out. This wasn’t really additional stress that I needed. So I called my flatmate and asked her if I could ask him to leave after he slept here tonight. She said yes and that he’d also been getting on her nerves.
So I went in to give him the news and safe to say he didn’t take it well. He refused to speak to me anymore and start banging pots and pans, throwing them into the sink as he washed up. He said that I had problems with people and that I had a problem with my character. He said he was going to go into “his” room to talk with his mother, and even listen to music loudly if he wanted. He left the kitchen slamming the door.
I went back to my room and locked the door because I felt a bit threatened by him. He was very irritated and kept going through the apartment banging doors. I went back into him about 30 mins later and asked him to give me the keys and he refused, saying he would leave them behind when he left tomorrow.
I couldn’t tell if I’d overreacted, so after talking again with my roommate, and worried that if I didn’t defuse the situation I wouldn’t be able to sleep. So I went in, capitulated, said that I was sorry for overreacting and that he was welcome to stay here. He made another jibe about me having an issue with people as I did this. We shook hands and said it was behind us but I was secretly pissed.
I’ve now asked my flatmate to let him know that he should be gone by the time I get home from work. He was really rude to me the whole time and I just don’t feel I should have to put with that from a guest who I don’t even personally know.
The question: am I the asshole, is he, or are we both united in assholeyness.
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HISTORICAL
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b91380
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"description": "feeling I need to cut my mom out of my life",
"pronormative_score": 7,
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|
AITA for feeling I need to cut my Mom out of my life
|
For those who don't know (mentioned it once here before)my Mom is going through an ugly divorce with my abusive step-dad. She is currently staying at my Grandparents and me to get her back on her feet. However while I am sorry for what is happening to my Mom, I'm sick her lying to my face and still drinking. She has been and alcoholic for years and its to the point where I just don't know what to do anymore.I get scared thinking one day I will lose my Mom. I recently lost alot of close people to me in the last 5 years so I'm very much on edge and she is completely aware of this. We told her she can't drink here at all and she needs help. She said she going to try it on her own will...Lasted for 2 weeks and came back drunk. We had a intervention with her but it went no where, honestly I almost beat her from how I'm upset and my family is upset, but...that fucking smug smile and laughing at us.. I legit almost snapped. I didn't hit her but I was close I am not my Step-dad but fucking hell. At the end of the night she cried on her knees begging me I mean begging me to give her one more chance. I told her she needs to do AA or thats it and leaves this house, she agree and the next day she said "I'll do you one better I'll go to rehab." Honestly I believered her and had some hopes.....that didn't last. I call her out on it saying "You looked me in the eye and promised you go to rehab" She wouldn't go so I said then AA there is one five minutes from us on Tuesdays. I basically gave her a ultimatum AA/me or you lose a son who wants the relationship you are breaking. She wouldn't go and I'm done. I'm tired of her coming into my room acting like my feelings don't fucking matter. Acting like I'm just emotional over nothing. Acting like we are buddy buddy. The only reason I'm emotional is because of her bullshit. I need/needed a Mom not some drunk pretending to be one. My Grandparents will give her one more chance (Even though she broke it twice already) I want her out of our home. If she wants to break my heart, drink and lie can do anywhere else but not here. I left her home to get away from my step-dad and from this crap.
​
So AITA and the hell do I do? She wouldn't listen to sense and I'm hurting here.
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HISTORICAL
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|
AITA for canceling my trip with my family to go home?
|
From the title, it might seem like I’m the asshole, but let me give you the story (sorry for formatting - on mobile). I’ve had a trip planned with my sister to visit my brother, where for the first couple days she’s gonna go to her boyfriends home town to stay with him, and I was going to have my friends come and meet me there. All of this had already been cleared with all family members, however, I found out earlier this morning that for the past two days my mother and sister had been lying to my face (we talked about me staying at an Airbnb with my friends, they said it was a good idea) and my brother was not ok with my friends coming to town, or so my sister told me. There were maybe 60 some hours until my friends were supposed to leave, so I immediately messaged them and told them the truth, stating that my family did not want them to come (I’m not gonna lie about the reason when I have to cancel a trip on them last minute). I also made arrangements to, instead of going with my family, return home for the holidays. When I informed my sister of my plan, she accused me of using her and my brother, defended herself, and didn’t apologize for lying to me or any of the sort. Now, I’m finding out, maybe 3 hours after this all went down, that she meant they weren’t welcome at the apartment, but miscommunicated that to me by saying generally they weren’t welcome to come. My family is asking me to remake the plans with my friends and come to Denver anyways, but after all of this, I just want to go back home and take a break from them. I understand they’re my family and I love them, and I understand my mom not wanting to tell me the news on Christmas (worrying that it would ruin the holiday), but I just can’t handle the fact that they were okay with lying to my face to “preserve the holiday,” and potentially leaving me on the line to foot a several hundred dollar Airbnb bill from my friends (luckily they hadn’t booked yet). AITA for no longer wanting to go with them?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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ass5n1
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{
"description": "\"shaming\" my friends for always wanting to take pictures",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for “shaming” my friends for always wanting to take pictures?
|
these are my friends from childhood and high school and we are currently freshmen in college. we don’t really see each other often besides breaks, birthdays, and other special occasions because most of us go to separate schools (but still in-state). Anyway, it has ALWAYS been like this but it really only started bothering me now. my friends looooove taking pictures of themselves and having these photo shoots whenever we are out. and i don’t mind a group photo or two but this is like a 30 minute affair with single shots and then group photos which take forever to organize and if we pass an attractive looking area we stop again for more photos. and it’s not just the photos, it’s the phones in general. we will be sitting at a restaurant and all you see is camera flashes and everyone down in their phones looking at the photos and choosing which ones to post on instagram later. well, i started saying stuff, refusing to take more than like three photos, trying to hurry the photo shoots along and asking for people to put their phones in the middle of the table while we eat and stuff just so we can talk. sometimes, they shoot me looks and say stuff like im trying to act better than them or something. and i don’t want to sound judgmental or like a “cell phones are bad!” and “when i was your age!” type of person, but I would just like to spend the very little time we spend with each other throughout the year not taking pictures and burying our heads in our phones. does that make me an asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "getting mad at my aunt for her dog's poor behaviour",
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|
AITA for getting mad at my aunt for her dog's poor behaviour?
|
Lurker first time posting
Also throwaway account because i'm paranoid.
So i got a possible job offer this week in a city different from the one i live in.
Luckily my aunt lives in said city and she kindly offered her hospitality. She is over 70 and lives following a daily routine so accepting to let me stay is a pretty heavy burden and i'm grateful for that.
My aunt has a miniature poodle that she treats has her only child which is understandable since she never married.
The problem is that she never taught her dog how to behave. He is allowed to sleep on the bed, jump on the sofa, he starts barking just to get attention, he growls at her if she wants to move him from the sofa... You get the idea.
Now i have no problem with that as long as we are inside her apartment, after all i'm just a guest, but since her dog it's her "child" she brings it everywhere she goes.
Fast forward today she asked me if i could accompany her to the mall and help her buy a new phone. I said happily said since i could somewhat repay for her hospitality.
So we reach the mall and asa we entered i understood that tagging along her was a mistake. The little hellspawn decided he had to mark his new territory and pissed all over the entrance of the mall. My aunt didn't scold him. He then continued every minute or so to pee a little in front of various shops and corners. It culminated with him taking a dump over different stages while my aunt kept picking the small pieces with the plastic bag she brought with her.
My stress kept rising alongside my embarassment until i confronted her about it.
I asked her calmly if she could take the dog out of the mall and close it in the car (the sun as almost set and it was not a hot day at all). She answered that it's normal what her dog did and that all the other dogs do the same in the mall and that the mall direction accept it by allowing dogs inside. She then added she would not close a dog in a car.
I answered without raising my voice that maybe she should not bring her dog in public places if he can't behave.
I saw from her face thay she was pretty hurt about it and even if i didn't scream i'm pretty sure a couple of people heard me causing my aunt quite a bit of embarassment.
Now i wonder if i should have said nothing and pretend everything was ok.
So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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amjzk2
| null |
AITA, My ex likes a paedophile, I did not like him.
|
Initial information.
Me and my ex are both British, living in Wales, she was 16 when we started dating, I am 18 (Both ages are legal in the UK.). We've known eachother for over a year, and started dating a few months after we met. The Paedophile is an American aged 21, but has the means to travel to the UK via 30k inherited from his grandmother, intended to pay for his college education. (Surprise, he didn't attend college, and spends his money on petrol and fast food according to his ex. He also doesn't have a job, and lives with his parents / borrows money from them whilst refusing to work on their farm.)
The story.
Me and my girlfriend were going fine, and were happy, until late 2018, around Christmas time. Unfortunately, I was feeling quite depressed, and when I'm depressed, I tend to become a bit distant, without realising for the most part. As I usually spend Christmas with my family, that's where I was for quite a few days near the end of Christmas, with family, fairly drunk most nights, and very depressed, which meant I didn't message my girlfriend as much as I should have.
January of 2019 rolls around, and I am feeling pretty bad still, but I know she hates it when I'm distant, so I try to talk to her more, only to find out that she is now talking to an American I hardly knew (Other than his name, at the time), so I tried to be understanding, as he was only a friend to my knowledge. Out of the blue, as I feel things are somewhat improving, she breaks up with me, saying that I've been too distant and argumentative (I wasn't aware that I had been argumentative, other than a one off comment about her giving a lot more attentions to her friends than I felt I got sometimes.).
I tried to let it be, and move on, but I always like to thoroughly look into what happened, and so I decided to look into Matthew a bit, as he had seemingly had a lot of attention off of her during our rough period. To find out more, I messaged his ex girlfriend (Whom I knew through a group chat we share.), And get to know her. She was very forthcoming, (I think she felt it was therapeutic to talk about it all and look at how their relationship was now that it had been over for a while). She tells me a lot about him, from the fact that he has once tried to have sex with her whilst she was asleep, and when she rolled over and confronted him, he claimed she has consented by being awake, despite not knowing that she was awake until she rolled over, that he had been sent to a psychiatric ward on multiple occasions, and had called her from it during a family event, (Birthday maybe? I don't recall), and had threatened suicide if she didn't answer his calls and talk to her, then she told me about how he would ghost her in real life and act childish if he didn't get his way (Usually in a sexual way), and how he had obsessed over her (Calling her a lot, visiting her, etc). She also revealed that one time when he thought she was pregnant, he has confessed that he was worried he'd find a daughter attractive and have sex with her. Then finally, she opens up and tells me that she found a file on his hard drive containing 24gigs of a mixture of Loli / hentai art, children's faces Photoshopped onto porn stars, and genuine child pornography, and typically featuring a step father raping a step daughter (Which is significant, as his father was arrested for this exact crime.) The ages of most of these people in the images ranged from infants to 12 year olds. She deleted all of it, and confronted him.
When confronted, he had apparently excused all of these images by saying he downloaded them when he was 12 years old. (Despite it being found on his hard drive when he was 18).
Once I had found out this information, I confronted my ex about it, not knowing he had already told her about his rape and paedophilia, and made the same excuse about his paedophilia as he made with his ex. And she completely bought it, which I found odd, (Since she has an uncle who is often times inapropriate when drunk, though nothing too serious has ever happened, and has been raped by a previous boyfriend). When she told me that she believed him entirely, and that I should just let them be friends, I messaged his ex again, as she is still in contact with him, and she told me that he had called her a few times obsessing over my ex, like he once obsessed over his. This was the final straw for me, as he had already made advances by this point, and exchanged sexual jokes with her, I decided to use the internet to find out a lot more personal information, namely, his address, and family members, then asked him to leave her alone, as I doubted his intentions with her. (He claimed he only wanted to be friends, though I don't believe this at all.), And he refused. I didn't share the information, but kept it, in case I felt I should, and went to message my ex. I asked her over and over again to stop talking to him, which she shrugged off and attributed to petty jealousy. (Which did play a part, though it was minor compared to the other reasons.). I messaged her quite a lot about this topic, urging her to stop talking to him, asking him to stop talking to her, threatening to expose his secret, showing my ex screenshots from the chat between me and the paedophile's ex.
As she is 16, she must live with a parent or guardian. She lives with her uncle. I told her I would message her uncle and parents about this, as she has 3 younger siblings, who are vulnerable, and I also believe her to be somewhat vulnerable to this sort of person. (The siblings are vulnerable as the mother is unstable, the younger daughter is in the protection of social services for the moment due to extreme anger issues and autism, and her brother has a mental issue I can't quite recall). She told me that she'd stop talking to him, but instead blocked me. So, I decided to show the information to her family. Her father, her father's current girlfriend, and her uncle. I warned her beforehand via a second account I created.
The information I sent to her family included screenshots of me confronting her, and her admitting she knew, screenshots of the conversation between me and the paedophile's ex, between me and the paedophile and finally between the paedophile and his ex (Which she sent me), the paedophile's social media accounts, his picture, location, and family. Then let them do with the information as they pleased.
I've been told I am the asshole because he was just a friend, and that I'm being petty and jealous, and that I harassed her. (I admit, I messaged far more than I should have, and tried my all to dissuade them from talking to eachother.
I've also been told I'm not because he was a potentially dangerous guy with a very shady history and bad excuses, and my ex was a younger girl than him, from a somewhat broken family, with younger siblings.
There is far more information, and I could rattle on about this for days, but unfortunately, nobody here had the time for this, nevermind what I could add!
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
D3lPZSG7upBfsdDkQxc2XHHrjkaf4aun
|
b0dg00
|
{
"description": "demanding higher pay than a disabled colleague of mine",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 120
}
|
AITA for demanding higher pay than a disabled colleague of mine?
|
This morning, I found out that my co-worker and I have the same salary. My co-worker has a physical disability that affects her productivity, to a degree that is obvious to everyone in the office. This morning, I discovered that her salary is the same as mine.
I was a bit upset because I’m way more productive and have only had outstanding evaluations. I started researching wage parity laws and discovered that up in Washington state their legislature just passed a wage parity law for workers with mental and physical disabilities. I think this is a bad idea for so many reasons, but the important thing is my state isn’t bound by this bad policy (yet). At least none that I could find.
So I met with my boss this afternoon and requested a higher salary. He said he understands my frustration and he’ll discuss the issue with HR. I told him my main issue is that I want my compensation to be reflective of my work and if it means either I get a raise or she (the disabled worker) gets a pay reduction, I’m ok with it. Obviously I don’t wish my co-worker ill will and prefer it to be a raise for me. I talked to my sister about this and she told me I was being an ass. She’s kind of PC. I really don’t feel that’s the case. I want my salary to reflect my value to the company and that is not too much to ask. Am I right?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
XdGUOIPJzyypZE1FiG6gU6ayjJjb4K9r
|
auq175
|
{
"description": "wanting to meet Roman Polanski",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for wanting to meet Roman Polanski?
|
I'm \[21F\] just beginning a career in film which I've wanted for a very long time. I aspire to be a film director.
A neighbor of ours, retired old film producer, is not quite friends with but certainly friendly acquaintances with Roman Polanski. He said he might be able to organize a meeting for me.
If you had asked me a year ago, I would have thought this horrible and morally corrupt. I mean, google Roman Polanski if you're unfamiliar with his charges. I've experienced a strange number of cases, growing up, of older men I trusted abusing their power with me (to various degrees of severity).
So much so, though, that in the past few months I've decided that I'd want to make a film about this.
And it's making me think, if a horrible person can help me get to a place where I'm "powerful" enough to tell an important story and affect the world in a positive way, is it not worth it?
I don't want to rationalize my way into a corrupt decision, but my thoughts are:
1. People meet with awful criminals all the time, without this meaning that they agree with their views or behaviour. Meeting someone does not mean you respect them, and things can be learned even from the worst war criminals.
2. I've thought about this analogy: a liberal young woman who dreams of becoming a politician so that she has the greatest chance of reaching a large number of people and affecting change on a large scale, somehow gets the opportunity to reach someone who might help her get there. Except, to do this, she must meet with Donald Trump and possibly get him to like her. Would we back this decision? I feel that I would.
Help me make the right choice!
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
c1nYI74TCU7bUYFicPwihx6Z8vQTKEVx
|
b0z1lj
|
{
"description": "telling my co-worker \"don't talk to me\" early in the morning",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for telling my co-worker "don't talk to me" early in the morning?
|
Some background: I have a coworker who is quite talkative. I am more of an introvert. He amazes me in the amount of questions he asks. He is also on the extra friendlier side of friendly. Think drop you a morning text asking how you are everyday sort of thing. I've been trying to be more...social and at first I'd reply to the texts and answer the questions but it's sapping my energy and after a while I just dismissed the texts. I mean dude, I just saw you a few hours ago and its morning, I just woke up, NOTHING HAPPENED. Why are you asking me how I am?
To my dismay we also take the same train to and from work. This train has scheduled times, unlike the rest of London underground where trains come every 2/3 minutes. As I get used to working there and try to find the right train to take, I end up bumping into him a few times. He's a co-worker I dont know, so I make friendly conversation (or try to). Then in the evening he also wants to talk on the train back. My introvert self is *struggling*
It's been a few months Ive been working here, co-worker is a great guy, very helpful, very kind, very friendly. I have, on occasions, being short; avoiding his questions or bluntly telling him I dont want to answer - he takes it as a joke and calls me mean hahaha. I've also said I had to go to this or that place so I wouldnt have to take the same train back. (not without him offering to come with me to this and that place...). I've also managed to find a train time slot that he doesnt take (he takes the one just before) but also I wouldnt be late to work. So we've reached some balance yay \o/
This morning, I somehow end up running late, I dont even think about running into my co worker because well, I'm late, how can he be later than me? So I emerge onto the platform to walk right into him, no escape. (you have to understand that on some days where I suspected he might be on the platform, I would go round and stay near the end of the platform to avoid him as our exit is at the front of the train/platform.)
I don't talk much (Im in a bad mood), the train finally comes. We get on and sit down, he then tries to initiate some sort of conversation but he speaks too quietly and the train is noisy so I snap "Don't talk to me right now, its too early" and go on my phone.
Am I the asshole?
I feel like one, I feel he's cornered me into becoming one with his over friendlyness
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
yNUEPuPUYeBYimC2Giob632CM03MsWXj
|
assll8
|
{
"description": "getting upset when my friend kind of humiliated me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting upset when my friend kind of humiliated me?
|
First, a little bit of context.
I have depression and a bit of social phobia. Because of both, I gave up studying 3 years ago (meaning that I DO NOT do good in school).
I previously told my friend that I was on antidepressants, but that they were useless, and that I was forced to go to a group therapy, which I hated. She obviously knows that I have mental health issues.
So, today I was talking about homework I didn't know how to do, and when other person tried to explain it to me, I said that I still didn't get it. Right after that, she goes on and on about how I'm too lazy, I don't do anything with my life and that I'm always like this.
This really hurt me, and some people just stared.
Am I just overthinking? And sorry for the format, posting this on mobile.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
8WPX4lvz2EfVY4biEwShBu5AgeLs1J2r
|
b7o7o2
|
{
"description": "not letting my sister and her boyfriend move in",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For not letting my sister and her boyfriend move in?
|
For context my sister and her bf are having issues getting a place to stay due to my sisters past criminal history (non violent). I live with my mom and stepdad in a tiny 3 bed, 2 bathroom house, and we split all rent and utilities 3 ways.
My mom decided to take it upon herself to invite my sister (pregnant with twins) and her boyfriend to move in with us because they can't find a place to stay right now. She never asked me if it was okay, and after confronting her this morning, she refuses to rescind the invitation. I even told her in no uncertain terms that the cops would take my side since my name is on the lease, and told her that they can stay 14 days at most (per the visitor lease agreement). After she refused to change her mind I sent a message to my sister telling her that we will not be able to accommodate both her and her boyfriend. But we would be happy to let just her come stay until they figured something out.
AITA for putting my foot down like that? AITA for turning away my sister and her boyfriend?
Extra considerations:
They would be taking over my bathroom, and in general all the areas I live in most, and since the entire downstairs is the master bedroom and bathroom, my mom wouldn't be giving anything up living space wise.
They would be paying for their share of rent and utilities.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
LdRBsruTTxKv1S90kCKNAMLR3e15QMSs
|
apcuby
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be on a camera roll",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be on a camera roll?
|
Okay, first time poster so bare with me. I've been having a conflict with my father and would like to see your guys' opinion on who you think is in the wrong. I have been dealing with many mental disorders for years now. The most prominent of which would be my eating disorder and body dysmorphia. These things have obviously left me very shy/timid, especially in front of cameras. It can sometimes get to the point where I might have an anxiety attack over being on someones camera roll. I have expressed this to pretty much everyone who would try and take a photo or record me and usually everyone was respectful. My father, on the other hand, seems to not get it.
When we're hanging out together and our attention shifts to his phone, (for some reason it always does) he always ends up sifting through his camera roll with me looking over his shoulder. it always ends the same way. Him pulling up and going through pictures of me. Pictures I did not give consent to him taking. Pictures I did not *know* he was taking. This has happened multiple times, each time I express displeasure and discomfort and try to make him delete the photos from his phone, him always (unfortunately) winning at the end. I've even tried having talks with him about it but he never seems to really listen.
I try to explain how uncomfortable I am and how it makes me feel twice as much so when he's taking pictures of me without me knowing. I try to explain how it really tears me up when he disrespects me and breaks my trust like that. No matter what I say, he goes back to the same excuse. "You're my daughter, I want to look at them while you're away! (My parents are divorced and I see my dad pretty much every weekend) I don't show them to anybody else!" etc. ect.
My dad has never had the greatest relationships with my siblings (his daughters, obviously). I'm one of the last of his kids that has a pretty decent relationship with him and I know he always misses us dearly when we leave for the week. I know he just wants to make and keep memories, and from his perspective I'm trying to keep him from that. He has a good heart and just wants all of us to be young and happy forever. He does know about all my mental issues, but not much because I prefer to keep things quiet as to not worry anyone.
I do get where he's coming from and I know he has the best intentions, but I'm just not comfortable with it. I don't want to have to be scared that I'll be in more secret photos whenever my dad's around. So, reddit, tell me what you think.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Pp4bTxmxJnvOMoL8I0BJcSorX9YkT30G
|
b3s2dk
|
{
"description": "displaying a heirloom confederate battle flag in my private office",
"pronormative_score": 43,
"contranormative_score": 20
}
|
AITA for displaying a heirloom confederate battle flag in my private office?
|
I have an antique confederate battle flag framed in my home office. The flag has quite a storied history. First carried into WWII by my grandfather, it was then carried into Vietnam by my uncle, who passed away a few years ago. They do not have any ties to white supremacy nor did they hold any racist views. The flag is a family heirloom, not a political statement.
My wife was hosting a baby shower for a friend of hers. Out of nowhere, one of her friend's guests stepped out into the living room holding the very same framed flag above her head. She claimed she was looking for the bathroom when she opened the door to my office by mistake (very unlikely).
Even when my wife explained the history behind the flag, she made a huge scene. During her rant about how her ancestors were slaves, she violently threw the frame on the ground, cracking the antique frame that had been in my family for three generations and sending glass shards all over the wooden floor. My wife's foot was cut quite badly by the glass, requiring three stitches.
Long story short- cops were called, she was arrested, and charges will be filed. I have also retained a lawyer to go after her in civil court. As she works in the healthcare field, I am told a criminal record will be quite damaging to her career though it won't end it entirely.
My wife's friend apologized profusely for her guest's behavior and has offered to pay for any damages (I thanked her but I won't make her pay for someone else's mistake), but she made a comment about how I was overreacting and that I shouldn't ruin a young woman's life over this. She also said my flag should be in storage or a museum, not out on display.
I understand the outrage at display of the flag in public buildings, but I feel like this was different. I did not have my flag out in my front yard, it wasn't in my living room, it was in my private office, behind closed doors. Moreso, her irrational behavior caused my wife to be injured. I don't know if I would want someone like her working in a hospital setting. Am I an asshole for thinking this girl was way out of line?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
VaxCPOFH36cXFmzePrIoya8RAHAE3Vc4
|
ai9yw5
|
{
"description": "wanting my husband to fire his secretary",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA for wanting my husband to fire his secretary
|
Note: this is not my story but my friends, who asked me to post this here for her to see what you guys think of this as she didn't want to make an account for this one post. I'll do my best to answer questions for her as I know much about the situation but anything directly to her may take a bit longer for a response as I'll have to contact her to ask.
-----
My husband owns a private practice with his friend. The only employees there are him, his friend/partner, and their secretary. She's been working there a couple of years and she always gives me hell for wanting to see my husband or leave a message.
Now once a week or two I'll bring him lunch so we can eat together on his lunch break because I'm a good wife who likes to actually spend time with the man she married and make his life a bit easier. However, ever since she started working there she tries to make it hard for me to bring it to him. This ranges from trying to make me schedule a lunch appointment through her or even not letting him know that I called to tell him I'll be bringing his lunch ( so he won't go out to eat).
This is very frustrating and I've expressed to my husband that I don't like it and don't it's very professional for him to keep employeeing someone who doesn't give him his messages and acts like a gatekeeper for his wife. He's acknowledged it and said she does her job well and that me and her are probably just having mixed signals or miscommunicating. He also says he's too busy to hire a new one at the moment, and refuses when I offer to help him look for a new one.
Now before anyone says it, I do not think my husband is having an affair with her ( it's been insinuated before), but I do think she's trying to steal my husband ( though unsuccessfully). Aside from trying to make it so I can't see my husband, she seems to act very flirty with him in my opinion, which he doesn't seem to see. ( I love him but to be honest he's a bit... Dumb when it comes to girls hitting on him).
So, am I the asshole for wanting him to fire her and find a new secretary or am I reading too much into this situation ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
pjBAEOI0gdB3qdDoZABHMEvBQPni8LTQ
|
at9v9i
|
{
"description": "not defending my ex in an argument he had with our son",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not defending my ex in an argument he had with our son?
|
Back story: ex and I are not together and have not been together for years. We have a son together who is 5, and he isn’t exactly the more active co-parent. However, as I hope most of you will agree, it is not my job to influence the relationship they have together, so I don’t tell my 5 year old degrading things about his father as, quite frankly, that’s just fucking disrespectful.
My sons birthday just passed, and my ex called and plans on taking him out at some point ( don’t know when because he tends to be inconsistent), and my son was upset about it. I explained to him before that his father has to work hard just like mommy so he has “ a great future ahead”.
They just talked on the phone, and my son told him that he was upset that he missed his birthday, and he has a tendency to exaggerate so he said “ you missed too many of my birthdays!” And I didn’t correct him because it wasn’t my discussion, it was between him and his father. I did, however, tell him to watch his tone of voice.
His father talks it out with him and precedes to get pissy because I didn’t intervene and correct him. I told him that it was THEIR DISCUSSION. Mommy isn’t always going to be there to be a social buffer, and he is nearing the time where he will be in conflicts and have to communicate his feelings. I think communicating your feelings, especially in boys, isn’t always taught, as men are sometimes expected to be “ strong and tough”; I don’t want my kid holding himself to that standard, and I want him to feel comfortable communicating how he feels and interprets things.
So, am I the asshole for not intervening and letting them have their discussion and resolve it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
cZThunAUc3peKU1mZCn93eJG5D6JehFZ
|
au3p44
|
{
"description": "knowingly making out with a married woman",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for knowingly making out with a married woman?
|
So last night I was out a bar with some friends of mine and we got talking to a group of ladies and we were all laughing and having a good time. I’m single by the way, just thought I should get that out there. I got particularly close with one of them, we’ll call her Maria, who was easy to talk to and good fun. Me and Maria were the only two of the whole group who smoked so we occasionally went out for a cigarette together, maybe once every 30 minutes.
We had some fun talks when smoking and she told me all about her husband, who was at home taking care of their two kids so she could go out with her friends. As the night went on, our groups had kind of split into smaller groups, and me and Maria were pretty much just talking to each other.
Just as the night was coming to an end, and we had all successfully gotten pretty wasted, we again went for a cigarette. But this time instead of her sitting on a chair she sat on my lap. I didn’t think much of it so I just rolled with it. As we were halfway through our drunken conversation she tells me about how she enjoys her fitness and runs everyday. I begin completing her on her body and how good she looks. She was enjoying the compliments and kept telling me how nice I seemed and that she thought I was a great guy. Then she looks me right in the eye, and leans in to kiss me.
I was pretty surprised as she had been talking about her husband and kids a lot but I just went with it and we made out for around 5 minutes before we decided we needed to go back in to our friends. Pretty soon later the bar closed and we all had to part ways. We didn’t exchange numbers and have no intention to ever see each other again but I can’t help but wonder AITA for knowingly making out with a married woman?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
|
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|
WRONG
|
DkQVBzUfblM6BArgseAPVP3brDBq81qI
|
aq066o
|
{
"description": "telling my classmates what my teacher gave me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my classmates what my teacher gave me?
|
Last Christmas (2018) I gave some of my teachers Christmas presents in the form of plants (gardening is a hobby of mine). My art teacher also likes gardening and has a ton of plants in his room, so when I have him his present he gave me a little cactus. Fast forward to a few days ago. I didn’t know what type it was and I was curious so I posted a picture of it to r/whatsthisplant. Today at lunch I just got an answer and it turns out the cactus he gave me is psychedelic plant very similar to lsd. I kinda freaked out and told my whole lunch table and after doing even more research it turns out the juices in the cactus are illegal (not the plant itself) but I didn’t read it fully and the bell rang and I was being stupid and thought the whole plant was illegal. So anyways I went to the teacher and asked him about it and told me the plant isn’t illegal, then I told him I was sorry because I told some people it was and he got very upset. He told me he could loose his job and that if he hears anyone talking about it I’ll be in big trouble. I’ve never seen him that angry and feel really bad.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
giRXbpdoNufprEioKVCphsNP0Ji9f8qD
|
b9zglc
|
{
"description": "not deciding to pick my drunk sister at 2 am",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not deciding to pick my drunk sister at 2 am?
|
So today my sister is going to a party to go drinking with her friends at 11 pm. She wants me to pick her up at 2 am. I am going to a gaming tournament tomorrow and I'm leaving the house at 8:30 am. I told her I don't want to and told her she should get sober by then so that she can go home. She got mad because I am choosing over a tournament over family. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
lVzUL9V4UqDxA5nQv5K1MUHtMk3374Av
|
a9n2lj
|
{
"description": "refusing to take my time to listen to fundraisers",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to take my time to listen to fundraisers?
|
Every time I’m back in my hometown and have lunch or go shopping alone in the mall, I’ll get approached by fundraisers - especially in the holiday season. I’m not a fan of their method: they will come to you, ask for your time (with only several seconds for you to say no, and some of them can be super persuasive), let themselves sit next to you to explain about their campaign for around 5 minutes.
When I go out alone it’s because I want to be left alone, and I think it’d be better if I shut them off from the beginning rather than letting them talk only to refuse to make some donations in the end (please note that I’m not rich/religious whatsoever).
Today I’ve blatantly rejected two fundraisers the second they came to me - despite all things I’ve wrote above, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
F6e7B2f4MztCr9NLG5MgvoHPhJCs99IY
|
a00bh6
|
{
"description": "telling my Parent/Grandparent to be nicer to fast food workers",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For Telling My Parent/Grandparent to be nicer to fast food workers?
|
So basically, I often eat out with my grandparent. At restaurants, they are polite and nice. But when it comes to fast food places, it goes the opposite way. During drive thrus, the worker will ask for the money, in which my family responds “Read my order back” in a very rude tone sometimes adding “because I know you guys never get it right”. So after that, we pull up to the food window where they hand us the food. When they do, my family immediately says again “is this right?” And checks the bag in front of them. All of this is kind of okay I guess, but there is more...
Whenever we are told to pull into a parking space to wait, it’s immediately “ugh this is going to take forever!” Or “can’t we just wait here?” And it’s always in a horrible tone. One time when we were receiving our food, my family made the comment “did you finalllllyyyyy get it right this time?” With an eye-roll. And when we leave and the worker says “have a great day”, instead of saying “you too”, my family says “yup”, “thanks”, or nothing at all.
Remember, all of this is in a rude, obnoxious and ignorant tone which isn’t present normally. Plus they tend to be super rambunctious and pretend to be in a hurry even though they aren’t.
I know this might be nitpicking, but I’m not the only one who has called them out on it. I seriously feel quite embarrassed by this behaviour and I’m not even a full blown adult.
AITA for asking my family to be more polite?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
InGYzQwuED2ob8wUnhoVHJVcQRejUF2Z
|
amwep1
|
{
"description": "wanting my sister to design me a tattoo without charging me",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 24
}
|
AITA for wanting my sister to design me a tattoo without charging me?
|
So my sister has just recently designed her own tattoo. Then, a few months later she designed her boyfriends. The topic of tattoos came up and I she asked me if i would ever get a tattoo. I said yes and began to explain what tattoo I would want. She offered to design the tattoo for me and I thought it would be lit for my own sister to make my tattoo.
Anyways this is where she said "and I won't charge you that much for it." I was like "lol, I'm your brother. Did you charge (your boyfriend)?" She said she charged him in sex and theres an obvious reason why I cant pay in that way. So, she didnt charge him money. As a matter of fact she has never once charged anybody for her artwork. Not a stranger or a single family member. I said that I would take her out for dinner if she made it and I liked it enough and she dropped obvious hints that she would abuse that power. Saying she would make me take her out to some super expensive place like FogoDeChow. She had made art for the family multiple times and I asked if she could make it as a gift for me. She flat out said no. The only way she was going to let me get this tattoo design was if I payed her. She then proceeded to show me a "choosing beggars" video and I was like "I'm your brother not some random dude on the internet." Anyways she and my mom kinda ganged up on me and I thought it was totally fucked. Am I the asshole for wanting her to not charge me?
TL;DR - My sister wanted to charge me and me only for a tattoo design, despite never charging anybody else. I thought that was bullshit and continued to give my argument to why it should be without charge.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 19,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 24
}
|
WRONG
|
xqNC8OMZfwAyCt4OlqG5MN8rZ1kTYJvQ
|
a5n4jk
| null |
AITA Quit talking to my good friend because I fell in love with her but she didn't feel the same
|
I had a good friend I'd been friends with for a few years. She was my friends wife. Things went to hell between them, and they split up. I ended up on her side because he accused me of sleeping with her behind his back, which pissed me off royally because I was loyal to a fault to him. She and I did everything together pretty much after that, and she was my favorite person in the world. I looked forward to seeing her when I'd get home from my hitches. But slowly I found myself thinking about her in ways that weren't pg. Pretty soon, I realized I had deep feelings for her. I realized this after I found myself getting jealous of men she brought around. Id stare at her when she wasn't looking. Bought her gifts, etc. She was always on my mind. Low and behold one night I was drunk, we were texting, and I finally confessed everything to her. She told me to listen to a song, and I did. I was elated because I thought finally I had been right about my feelings. Around valentines day I get a message from a mutual friend of ours asking me if I had sent her gifts. I said yes, I had. She told me our friend had been dating someone the whole time. I was crushed to say the least. I messaged her and asked her if it was true. Her only response was "I didn't know how to tell you". I told her it was my fault for opening my mouth, but I couldn't be around her any more. I heard in the coming weeks that she told everyone I had crossed a line, she saw me as a brother, etc. But she had dated another guy she considered a "brother" as well. I was hurt even more. This was months after my mother died unexpectedly too. So my emotional state was not well to say the least. The last time we spoke, I let loose on her all the stuff she had lied about, and made her leave the party she was at. I also told the guy she was with not to let her spend all his money.
Lately, I've been thinking this was all my fault, and I was an idiot to think it could have gone otherwise. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
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