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4rCsF9hnkvkPZCPfb17eVQ9ZnUq8H2m9
|
a1jqfq
|
{
"description": "moving without boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA Moving without boyfriend
|
My SO and I have been together for almost 4 years and have been planning on moving in together. Problem is he lost his job a few months ago and has not been able to find another one.
I graduated earlier this year after going back to school, got a decent job, and have paid off debt while saving to move. During this time, he had to move back home and has been looking for work to no avail.
I had wanted to be moved out by now, but I agreed for us to move in together. But I never realized it would take him so long to find work. Would I be an asshole to move out on my own without him? I have also told my parents I would be out by this point, so I have the added stress of them asking when I'm moving out. I feel in limbo because it depends on my SO's work, or lack thereof.
I worry that if we move together without him having a job, I won't be able to pay all our expenses. And he does have the problem of being a little picky about what the job is.
So AITA for wanting to move alone?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
c4dYO5LP19WdyIvJR4Lkcra2h3IYOi06
|
af02nn
|
{
"description": "getting my Ex to dump his gf so I can get him back",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 27
}
|
WIBTA if I get my Ex to dump his gf so I can get him back?
|
TLDR at the bottom,
So my Ex(23M) and I(F20) had a 4 year relationship, which was very serious and intense. The reason why I broke up with him is because I wasn't sure if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him (he always said I'm his true love and he cant imagine anyone else at his side), also partly because my parents pressured me to leave him, they never explicitly said I should dump him, but they always hinted it.
Then 6 months ago I decided to leave him, I just could not see a future with him and my parents ( I love my family more than anything and can't imagine having to decide between a partner or my family), he was very desperate, tried talking me back to him and making promises I knew he couldn't keep. A few days pass and he shows up around 10:00 looking like sh't and very sad. So we talked it out and he accepted the breakup. Then i blocked him on everything (Instagram, Whatsapp) and the last thing i heard from him was when a mutual friend told me he tried to kill himself (not sure how serious his attempt was)
And now recently after 6 months of absolutely no contact another friend told me that he had a new gf, I looked into his Instagram and saw a couple of pictures, and seeing how happy they are hurt me very much. I have decided that I want him back, I know for sure he will take me back and from the looks I can tell that he has matured and grown as a person, that gives me hopes that our relationship will be better than it was.
So am I the asshole if I ask him to come back and leave his new Gf? Don't I deserve to be happy aswell? The love that we had was real, i know it and I feel if i dont act now I will lose him forever :(
​
TLDR; BF was crushed after I left him, I now want him back but he has another GF.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
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}
|
WRONG
|
yzMlVzJ9dMCaEuSv9mHTgfEYkxCeo7fS
|
ayz2ni
|
{
"description": "accidentally making a racist joke at work",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA By accidentally making a racist joke at work
|
Throwaway account for privacy purposes.
I come from a pretty small area in the Midwest. Typically not the most diverse crowd. I personally do not have any racist beliefs but come from and area where dark jokes were heard daily about anyone and everyone.
I try to be cautious about what I say and how I act professionally working with an IT background. So the other day I was in a meeting with 4 other developers 3 white and 1 black. We had been reviewing codes and lightly joking around when the description came up for one as line area KK. I stupidly let out "Oh at least it wasn't KKK"
Didn't even realize it until he brought it up to me later. I think of this guy as my friend and would never have done anything to offend him on purpose. I apologized profusely but can't stop beating myself up about it. Is there anyway I can help repair this relationship? Am I still an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
DDCeHMAXPEhgFbJbzdaHqrvs8zND5WVz
|
acpcxn
|
{
"description": "not caring to hang out after she cancelled",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not caring to hang out after she cancelled?
|
So, I've (m19) been talking to this girl (f19) , and we have this thing where we meet up, go to dinner and stay over at my place for a day or two, we were supposed to meetup today, but she called me and said she couldn't make it. Something about a cold or whatever, which fine, she gets sick really easily, but anyway she apologized and asked if I wanted to hang out tomorrow. To put this in context, I'm fairly busy. I already have plans with friends most of the time and something really bad happened to me at a new year's party this week, so I basically mumbled my way through the call, I stopped paying attention to what she was saying TBH.
Anyway, I basically left it up to her, I don't care to plan or really do anything, just don't have the energy. If she wants to do something like she does this saturday, fine, whatever. I'll go, but honestly I've sort of lost any enthusiasm about hanging with her. To be brutally honest, I was drugged and bad things happened to me this New Years. Not pleasant, but shit's been rough, so I guess I'm extra sensitive or something.
AITA for basically checking out of this thing me and her have because she cancelled, basically leaving it up to her with me just sort of going along with it. I'm not ghosting her or blocking her, i'm just not gonna put any effort into anything with her anymore, and let her make all the plans and stuff. Is that wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"NOBODY": 2,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
89tB731uP7VONKCPlAzZcjHDvrtCrnNT
|
ahaxmz
| null |
AITA? Got shoved down the stairs cause the neighbor wouldn’t stop locking (honking) their car.
|
This has been an ongoing issue since we bought our house about a year ago. On one side the neighbors are great, shovel each other sidewalks, grab parcels so they don’t get stolen, etc. On the other side is a rental property. If we park in their spot out front (not designated street parking) she will come over and bang on our door and tell us to move because they have a kid and it makes it difficult if she has to park along the alley (where I frequently park cause there isn’t a ton of space). I try to be nice, shovel sidewalk in the winter, they only had to mow their lawn once in the summer, I did the rest.
Every morning in the summer or winter, they will repeatedly start their car with the remote. Doesn’t matter if it’s 5*C out or -20*C. If they are working, lock honk then vroom, 7:15 every morning, sometimes weekends too. Then they make sure their cars are locked at night, about 10:30 hitting the lock button and honking ~5 times. Their bedroom is in the back of their house, so they don’t hear it I presume, our room is right in the front.
Last night I had enough. When they locked the car 4 times I went over and knocked on the door. Told them I was sleeping and would appreciate if they just locked it once and maybe went into their settings to disable the honk. They denied that they locked their car at all, started screaming at me calling me a piece of sh*t for waking their kid up this late. I went back to my house and grabbed my phone where I had the video of my Nest cam with their cars locking and honking. I went back over and said here’s the video. They told me if I didn’t leave they were going to call the cops. I said just please stop locking them so many times. He put on his boots and asked if I wanted to fight, to which I said no. He came through the door, caught me off guard and shoved me down their front steps. He went back inside and slammed the door.
I got myself together and called the non-emergency police line. While I was on the phone they informed me the neighbors has called as well.
Cops show up and go talk to them first. When they came to talk to me, I explained the situation and being pushed down the stairs. The cops told me they said they thought I was trying to enter their house and were worried about the safety of their kid. You can see the boot prints in the snow, I was no where near the door. Cops told me I was wrong to go over this late and disturb them, even though they’ve been disturbing the neighborhood every morning and night. The cops said they locking their cars is a good check before bed.
Am I the asshole for going over late and asking them to please stop honking their car repeatedly morning and night for the last year?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 9,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
SORNG9VJo9Q6RiRcfGM2yksdMoPjf4iU
|
afsi1y
|
{
"description": "yelling at my dad for forcing me to go to church",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for yelling at my dad for forcing me to go to church?
|
My dad is a very devout christian along with most of my family and recently I told my family that I'm an atheist which they did not receive well. My dad has been forcing my family to go to church more and more often and today I just went off on him. I yelled about how he was forcing his beliefs on me and how he can't change my stance on god. He left with my the rest of my family and went to church. When he got back he said that "I shouldn't think that this gets me out of going to church." which I argued with him again for. I kinda feel bad for doing this but I don't know. Am I the asshole for yelling at him?
Sorry for any grammar errors english isn't my first language.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
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|
RIGHT
|
reS4vxxjPDMInoAAR2k4YwKTVtzv5HGn
|
alyq0f
|
{
"description": "wanting my boyfriend to temporarily stop drinking",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my boyfriend to temporarily stop drinking?
|
Some background information; we’ve been dating for over a year now and have been friends for almost three. In the time we’ve known each other, I’ve seen him go through a lot, namely a drug addiction and a slight problem with drinking (though nowhere near as severe as the drugs). We’re currently both second semester freshmen in college and are three hours away from each other.
After getting clean around last spring, he didn’t touch anything until he got to college. He went to a few parties during orientation week and then started going out every weekend. After expressing my concern for him drinking again, we came to an agreement that he would cut back on going out. However, after we came to this conclusion, him and his friends stopped going to parties and he told me that he had just stopped drinking. He told me a few times too that he hadn’t done anything in a while. However, I just found out that he had been lying to me and was still getting drunk every weekend in his dorm. This was after he had told me that drinking in the dorm was stupid because my friends do it and he would never.
Now I don’t have a problem with drinking in moderation. However, with his past history, I’m worried that he’ll fall back into old habits and I’ve expressed this to him more than once. It’s why we came to the agreement in the first place.
When I found out he was lying, I initially told him I wanted to breakup because I told him early on in our relationship that I don’t tolerate it. However, he apologized and told me he knew he was in the wrong and wanted to fix our relationship, which includes some of the other problems we’ve been having due to the distance. So I then asked him if he would cut back on drinking with his friends while we work on our relationship and regaining trust and then we could discuss coming to a new agreement on his drinking habits. I didn’t ask to be controlling, I did it because I’m afraid that he’s falling back into old habits and after watching his life improve due to him quitting, I don’t ever want to see him back where he was a year ago.
So, in conclusion, AITA for wanting him to stop drinking until we fix our relationship?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
4YxePabetMYFSLFnyqGy8vf8PwssYy2b
|
am6k5r
|
{
"description": "being frustrated at my so for not having sex with me",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being frustrated at my SO for not having sex with me?
|
For context, I (23F) have a very high libido, my SO (32M) not as much. We used to have sex a lot but after moving in together a year or so ago, he seems to be uninterested in the physical aspect of our relationship.
I've tried to talk to him about it, telling him it bothers me and that I feel unwanted every now and then when I try to initiate. I get every kinds of excuses, varying from "I'm tired" to jokes like "I'm on my period right now", but he never truly tells me what is his thought process (I've tried to discuss this seriously and have asked him to talk to me about it). We do share kisses and hugs and words of affection daily but not having sex does bother me. I don't want to seem too pushy with my prying but he's told me he gets anxious about it sometimes (I stop the conversation when that happens). I don't want to make him uncomfortable or anything.
I've proposed a compromise that we could have sex about once a month but he's told me he doesn't like the idea; I obviously won't force him to anything but I feel as though he's not thinking of my feelings/needs. Am I the asshole for being angry for not getting sex and proposing a policy to compromise between our needs?
I do want to point out that I love him and that everything between us works out wonderfully aside from sex.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
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"NOBODY": 5,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
XVHPvv8CvyP7xHszpqN9vPNIA3dJgc1p
|
aw9y22
|
{
"description": "ghosting my friend out of the blue and lying about why",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for ghosting my friend out of the blue and lying about why
|
Alright, obligatory stuff first; I'm using a throwaway account obviously
So first of all I'm going to give you a bit of backstory; as seen in my post history, I recently left an overly-toxic friend group full of people who mocked me constantly(read about it there if interested)
Now, I knew somebody in that group who I'm going to call K for the sake of this story. Now K, back in last year was kicked out the friend group due to a large argument between me and him, I eventually felt bad and hanged out with him until my friend group added him back, in their words for the 'sake of having me back'.
Now, this group was a comedy group and often mocked it's members, however, K always targeted me and used anything I said or did to use against me as a joke ( I have ASD and felt really uncomfortable by this and asked him to stop); I would leave because this never stopped
After I left, I at first treated K like a really close friend; until I found out he was being threatened to go against me or get kicked out. After that point, I get more news from friends about him saying stuff about me behind my back such as \`I'll come crying back soon\`.
Since then, I ignored his message every day saying \`Hi ACAG\` until one day I snapped; messaging him that we're not friends and that friends don't talk about each other behind their backs
Next day, he was **fuming**; talking to another member in the group angrily confused why I blocked him, not having a clue. I then say to him in the first lesson where we are next to each other, to move away from me in other classes or I'll move myself . He seems hurt but nods his head.
However, when I get into the lesson, he decided to sit in the exact same spot; when I confront him about it he says \`I prefer it here\` and to move myself.
Then comes today, another member of the group T, joins a discord server I'm very active in; and messages me out of the blue(I unfriended him) and this server was the same server I added K to month ago to show him where I'm mostly active. I **freak out** convinced that K sent him it. According to T he researched a game jam I took part in to find the discord.
Therefore, tonight I asked T to leave and he agrees without question and argument ( T hasn't bothered me once ). However, when I tried to ask K he refused until he finds out the real reason I stopped being friends with him
*I'd never actually given him a reason why*
I try to explain what I'd heard and he just carries on probing for details, not believing me until I give up and say \` Because I'm sick of you, the way you act etc \` and \`I genuinely dislike you\`. It works and he ends up leaving the discord saying that's all he's wanted and that he will move away from me in physics now
What I'm wondering is AITA for ghosting this friend; removing him and lying about why?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
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|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
jZyTVaXJXMbtq1haaGZZGJVHt8kgVZLx
|
a6ayye
|
{
"description": "saying a holocaust joke that made its way to a jewish girl",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for saying a holocaust joke that made its way to a Jewish girl?
|
During math we were doing a math hunt thing and I tell this kid who likes my kind of humor:
“Last night a Jewish girl asked me for my number. I told her ‘honey, in this country we use names, not numbers”
And he walks over to the Jewish girl (who he did not know was Jewish) and tells her the joke. I kept telling him “don’t tell her don’t tell her,” yet he did. She seemed kinda mad but kinda chill at the same time. This is also the 2nd time that she happened, but i have a card up my sleeve: my grandpa was born in a concentration camp in 1941. This entire situation seems fucked now that I’m also writing this.
This has been weighing on my mind and I’m kinda scared of being in the principals office because like I said, this is strike #2. So am I the asshole?
TL;DR: tell kid holocaust joke. Kid tells Jewish girl after I tell her not too. Jewish girl is mad at me for 2nd time.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
VQCWTOyb2KU9WNrosA1mcHfFO15LLiDh
|
9zjufu
| null |
AITA - Called out the gf on some awful parenting.
|
Background - girlfriend confiscated her 15 y.o. daughter's phone (I'm not the dad). There was no particular reason beyond my gf thinking daughter spent too long on it.
She opens the phone, finds messages to some guy on a different continent. Gf not at all happy about this.
Gf goes logs on to daughter's Instagram account and makes a post saying "If you can't be a better person and can't provide me the love that even a dog can, you can leave" (this is a translation from native language).
All daughters friends see it before the daughter does. She gets shown next day by her school friends. Daughter's interpretation is "go away and die". This is the line I got from daughter before the actual message was shown to me.
I pull up my gf on this whole stunt under the impression she had told her daughter to go away and die publicly on Instagram. Gf says it is all her daughter deserves after being an awful child all her life.
I tell gf that she is being evil (as i was still under the impression she had told her daughter to die) and then subsequent to the 'true' message being shown I go on to tell the gf that to tell her daughter to leave and compare her to being less than a dog is disgusting.
Total clusterf*ck.
Happy to fill in further details if wanted.
This morning I suggested to gf and daughter that we should use this to try to fix some fundamental relationship issues rather than let it destroy us. Currently searching for a psych for a family session...
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
EWpOSNlUX1nUkG6cdFqvnoupLXCpayht
|
b5wx1t
|
{
"description": "speaking russian with co-workers and customers at work",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for speaking russian with co-workers and customers at work?
|
So I live in an area in NYC with alot of russian immigrants, and I myself moved here with my family when I was 14. I am currently 19 and I work at a retail store, where several other employees, maybe 5% of the employees, are also native Russians or Ukrainian and its easier to communicate with in russian, sometimes in the break room and sometimes at the registers or in the back storage, basically most of my friends who work there and while working we speak russian.
Now two days ago me and several other employees got a warning from management that stated that we " are creating uncomfortable environment for customers and coworkers" and "Trusts our ability" to communicate with each other and customers in English. She also mentioned that we effectively are creating "exclusionary zones" and has caused complaints and also something about political sensitivities of other workers. She also said she didnt care what we said off-duty or off the premises, but while on company groud we would now be required to communicate in English.
​
Now when talking to my other workers about this, one mentioned how he was told by a manager something along the lines of that often we would laugh while talking in Russian, and that other people would feel that us russian speakers are laughing at somebody else .
​
We never would be in a group conversation with non speakers and just switch to talk in code or to make secret roasts about other people, we mostly talked in russian as its easily for alot of us and for some other workers. my opinion right now is that this is bs and unfair but i am open to discussion
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 24,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 29,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
4cmvZcqrZQ8HTd8DA5uvFHKukgVbHdd3
|
adyzyc
|
{
"description": "being upset ex wife mentioned a friends date",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being upset ex wife mentioned a friends date?
|
Forgive me, first time poster and I’m on mobile. My ex wife and I divorced because she had an affair 3 years ago with a close member of my family. It absolutely devastated me to say the least.We have a child together so we have to talk. So last night my ex wife calls me to tell me a restaurant we used to like reopened. She says that we should go on a “friend date”. I didn’t say anything initially but I sent her a text shortly after saying “ I will never ever go on a friends date with you. You obviously don’t care but I’m still dealing with the emotional fallout and will likely be dealing with it for some time”. I threw in the “ obviously don’t care” part because I’ve put up boundaries before yet she fails to respect them. Since my reply, I’ve been name called and all sorts of hurtful shit. To be fair, after she started in I name called back. I shouldn’t have but I did. Still...damn, a simple “ok” from her or nothing at all and I wouldn’t be here. So reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
ZDgRSBZvfE97ra92hciywqMf9AfLJXQV
|
aupre8
|
{
"description": "blocking a girl without provocation",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for blocking a girl without provocation?
|
Hey reddit. So for the past 2 years I've known this girl M. She's had a crush on me the majority of the time, and I've returned the feelings several times, but it has never worked out. Now that we got that out of the way, I blocked M on pretty much everything a few hours ago. No warning, just blocked her cold turkey.
I just don't feel that "spark", that makes it fun to be with her, and to be completely honest, because of all the will-they-won't-they romantic drama shit, hanging out with her tends to make me anxious. I'm still attracted to her, but because of different views on life (she's going for a college degree, I dropped out 3 years ago at 16) and because of certain personal problems involving my friends, things never work out.
She's still really into me though, and everytime we hang out she seems to try something, even just innocent shit like holding hands and wanting me to hold her and shit. I'm sick of it, I wanna move on, and when I hang out with her I get this anxiety. So I blocked her. She's been getting on my nerves too. She has emotional issues and acts erratic sometimes (nothing at all severe), and she's a bit clingy. I'm getting seriously annoyed, and I just figured I'd block her and be done with it. AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
IJyHr74YXlE7iyaZtv6hjlYCZZKFNpbD
|
b2j231
|
{
"description": "asking for bonus marks",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for asking for bonus marks?
|
A major essay was supposed to be due today. I spent many weeks reorganizing my life so that I could finish this thing on time and do a good job.
​
Last night (the night before it is due) the professor announces that "due to some requests" the deadline has been postponed by 5 days. He clearly thought he was doing everyone a favor and nicely hinted "use this time wisely!"
​
I wrote him an email (the tone bordered between polite and frustrated) stating that while his gesture was certainly compassionate for students who wanted more time, it frustrates people who like me who worked really hard to hit this deadline. I requested that, in the future, he should award bonus marks to students who still hit the original deadline.
​
I am usually a quiet student who doesn't speak up... this is my first time raising such an issue. AITA for wanting some reward based on the situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
RIGHT
|
LwKHsnzOOBV499KYD0bwvxKqP5eKyud7
|
b27fji
|
{
"description": "being upset that my boyfriend would want dna testing done if I had a baby",
"pronormative_score": 330,
"contranormative_score": 34
}
|
AITA for being upset that my boyfriend would want DNA testing done if I had a baby?
|
Let me start by saying that we've been together for 3 years and have a great and very loving relationship with mutual respect. We do plan to marry eventually.
We were casually talking about what we'd do if I became pregnant, and he said that a DNA test would need to happen once I had the child. His reasoning for this is because he doesn't "want his family's name ruined" over a girl, referring to his family's strong background within the military and line of ancestry. He insists that it's not because he doesn't trust me, but rather more of a reassurance thing.
I would never even think to cheat or betray his trust in any way. Am I wrong for having my feelings kinda hurt over this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 24,
"OTHER": 226,
"EVERYBODY": 10,
"NOBODY": 104,
"INFO": 9
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 330,
"WRONG": 34
}
|
RIGHT
|
IoNZzFxzef5rdOrMTaAPUMVgX2YIst9k
|
ah5q1u
|
{
"description": "avoiding my racist uncle and his family",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for avoiding my racist uncle and his family?
|
I'm gonna try to keep this short, but also explain the situation as best I can:
I have an uncle who would constantly post political things on facebook to rile people up. He's a major Trump supporter, build the wall, homeless people are useless, brown people are terrorists, etc. etc. It got to a point where even on statuses that I made that weren't political in nature whatsoever, he would post hateful comments. The breaking point for me was when he replied to something I'd said (I can't even remember what the original post was, honestly) with something like "that doesn't sound very CHRISTIAN of you." and another reply on a different post was randomly "i'm disappointed in you, baby-killer supporter!" because he knew I didn't vote for Trump which obviously means I automatically supported Hilary and because she's pro-choice she's a baby killer, right?
The point being, he did this in front of all of my Facebook friends and other family members. I deleted him and haven't seen his family since then, even though they live in my city.
My family keeps trying to get me to go see him with them when they're in town visiting me ("family is family"), but I can't bring myself to do it. His wife isn't any better, as she's always making subtly racist posts as well. It makes me anxious, and it makes me feel like I'm betraying my friends for associating with a man that basically hates them and people like them without even know them... Apparently he's been trying to "apologize" to me, but he's a grown ass man and I know that even if he did apologize, he's still going to continue being a hateful person. I'm sure you all know someone like this; he's the kind of person that cannot be talked into changing his mind because he thinks anyone younger/less conservative than him is an idiot.
AITA for not trying to keep the peace and appease my family?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
SNHpjtBdCt4FdygsTINacGyFne63KezH
|
a77lrg
|
{
"description": "refusing to go to church on Christmas Eve",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I refused to go to church on Christmas Eve?
|
My parents stopped trying to get my brothers and I to go to church 2 years ago when we all went off to college, but this year my mom wants to start going again. She knows that the 3 of us aren’t religious but still wants to go “as a family”. I’m 20, and I really feel like I shouldn’t have to spend 2 hours sitting quietly in church if I don’t want to. This is probably dramatic, but church just seems like a miserable waste of time to me. I was forced to go to church nearly my whole life, and I honestly hated it. I think I’m too old to have Christianity forced on me. What do y’all think, WIBTA if I refused to go?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
D95f9lbSykHLFgAn8h4BJM52o2LlLd7F
|
b42d2o
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pay for my girlfriends half of my free holiday",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pay for my girlfriends half of my free holiday?
|
So to explain, my brother has moved out to Canada for a year or 2. When the ski season ends he wants his bike flown out and it's cheaper for it to be added on with a commercial flight rather than having it shipped overseas. He has offered to pay for a return flight for me so I can basically deliver it to him and then we can hang out for a week or 2. Now I only work part time and don't make a huge amount of money so a free trip to Canada isn't somthing I would ever pass up, but when I mentioned it to my GF she said 'oh cool so you can pay for half of my ticket if you're not paying for yours' to which I said 'well no you would have to pay for your whole ticket' she got mad and called me selfish. We had a friend in the car whilst we were having this argument who decided to stay out of it (understandable) so I can't really gage weather or not I was being an asshole or not. Don't get me wrong, id love her to come but I think I was just taken aback by her assumption that i would cover half her costs. She also makes way more money than me so would be able to cover it herself easily.
It's just left me scratching my head for a couple of weeks!
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
equvI6MX7JGGxojpdPaV16dv6P361yu3
|
aprnrh
|
{
"description": "bringing up an issue that happened between me and my father years ago",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for bringing up an issue that happened between me and my father years ago?
|
To explain, this convo happened years ago, and the situation leading up to it even longer. Basically, when I was much younger, like 12, my dad was on a trip with me, my cousin, and my aunt. One of the stops was somewhere in Canada. He took me and my cousin off the boat, and took us into a crowded street, getting drunk and eventually losing us in the crowd. He eventually found us, but slurring and clearly hammered. Flash forward about 2-3 years later. I'm like 14 or 15 by now. We're leaving to go visit my nana. Before we're leaving, something reminds me of that night, and I basically start breaking down. In the car, he sees that I'm clearly thinking about something, and asks what's up? I open up about my thoughts from the night in Canada, basically asking if we can possibly talk it out. He gets mad, saying that I should have gotten over it by now, and I'm being stupid, and that "If I'm gonna act like this, than why should he take me to visit people?!" I cry the entire drive. We eventually get there, and he tells everyone I'm crying because of something idiotic. I want to know, am I the ass for bringing something like that up that happened that far back, or no? If you want extra details, I'm happy to give them ^^
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
z3U4OBoQcNzedg3DucTR5nHDla81r246
|
b2v6fh
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend to stop asking if I love her",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I told my girlfriend to stop asking if I love her
|
Hey guys, I am just wondering if I would be the asshole for asking her to stop asking me if I love her. (TLDR at bottom)
A little backstory: my past girlfriend has been cheated on in her last 3 serious relationships. When I first met her I literally fell in love with her day one. We spent 10 hours talking in her car 10pm till 8am. It was crazy. We then spent the next 3 days together hanging out as new friends. After a while of flirting back in forth I asked if we could go on a date. She said no, she didn’t want to be hurt / hurt me. I talked to her for the next month and eventually we started hooking up. After a while she said we had to stop as I kept asking to be in a relationship. We stopped, we tried to stay friends. Didn’t work. The break ended up finally getting us into a relationship, this took 6 months. She had a lot of break downs saying I would get sick of her and it wouldn’t be worth he risk but she finally changed her mind. YAY.
Now to the present. We have been dating for a year. She asks me on an almost daily basis if I still love her, I say yes, she says reallly, I reply yes. Now this both frustrates me, but also makes me feel terrible. I feel like I’m a shitty boyfriend and am not making her feel appreciated/loved. I brought this up with her and she said “ no your great it’s all in my head “.
She still asks me for this validation, it’s really starting to frustrate me a lot and make me feel very shitty. Would I be the asshole if I told her I really need her to stop as it’s effecting me even though she has trust issues.
TLDR: spent 6 months getting a girl with trust issues in a relationship. 1 year in and she asks me daily GENUINLY if I still love her and it’s getting to me, would I be the asshole if I ask her to stop.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
NYE5n2B4BQKUoDJoGOvPYli7szAA6WgA
|
a0enhx
|
{
"description": "hating that my first kiss wasnt romantic",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for hating that my first kiss wasnt romantic
|
I'm going to make this as brief as possible, no one loves a wall of text lol (throwaway bc he knows my main acc)
I was 21 when I had my first kiss, he was 21 too but it wasn't his first kiss. We are in a long distance relationship so we developed feelings and spoke for around 6 months before we met and had our first kiss
I drove around 4 hours to see him, got there late (around 6pm) where he had to go back home in 3 hours (his dads stupidly strict with curfew). We met up, instead of going to dinner (pushed for time), we just got a quick £3 meal deal from tesco. All was good, I was nervous but having fun
Went back to the hotel (split the costs) to chill (not netflix and chill lol) and watch tv, we were just cuddling on the bed and he knew i felt a bit uncomfortable, i have never been this intimate with a guy before (he knew this). He did do well to comfort me though
But then we eventually kissed. We have been together for almost 2 years now (still ldr) and it still bugs me to this day
So AITA for being annoyed that my first kiss wasn't as romantic as I always thought it would be i.e. dinner, talk, walk me to the door with a goodbye kiss or am I just stupidly naive?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
higrYdayP5OGjX4Pi5CZrUsuT8quob7P
|
awncdv
|
{
"description": "berating my ex-friend over her offensive comments",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for berating my ex-friend over her offensive comments?
|
Kind of long but you can skip to paragraph 2 if you dont need the backstory on my ex-friend. Fake names are used.
This girl we'll call K and I were friends for a few years during high school. She used to be super nice, but then she started to complain about being sad all the time and pushed everyone away when they tried to help, to the point where it was getting ridiculous. She also became extremely self-centered, and would interrupt me while I was talking to a friend of mine, and when I confronted her afterwards she said "You didnt want to talk to her anyway", which was obviously untrue. She just became a sad extremely mean narcissistic individual, she never did anything for me despite me driving to her house to check on her when she was sick or sad.
K started having a crush on my good good friend we'll call Ivan, and for awhile it was mutual. Eventually her personality and the way she acted started wearing on him to the point where she was starting to ruin his life. She would keep him up late at night to complain and chase away any girl he tried to talk to. K and I had our first falling out when I texted her a paragraph telling her that if she ever wanted to get with Ivan she needed to make big changes to her personality, which were Ivan's words not mine. We had a strained relationship afterwards. Ivan told me all the stuff K did and I realized that she was a toxic individual and she needed to leave him alone.
Ivan set me up with a girl (Bad idea, but that's another story), and I was asking my friend Hurricane what her opinion was on her. Hurricane knew she had a reputation and told me that I shouldn't go on a date with her and that she would force me to do drugs, and then told me that she would force me to do, "other" things. At this K speaks up from the corner of the table and says that she hopes it happens so I'll learn a lesson. Now I wasnt actually all that bothered by the comment because I was too busy laughing at the suggestions that a tiny 5'3" girl could force me, a 6'2" guy do drugs to really care, but I kept it in the back of my mind.
One's night while Ivan is complaining about the ridiculous shit K was doing I tell him that he should send her a text berating her for saying she hopes I "get taught a lesson". He eagerly agrees and after he does she sends me two huge paragraphs saying that she never said it and that I need to get my ears checked before blocking me. When Ivan pressed it further she changed her story to that she misheard me, which is bogus. It worked and she stopped messing with Ivan, but was I the asshole for telling Ivan to send her the text in the first place?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
2lF2N1kUqn8ATyP5GKMA5DUxgMgDGVUt
|
aqhby2
|
{
"description": "liking college football",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
Aita for liking college football.
|
I love football
Friend died playing football
Cte is a thing I guess.
Family outlawed watching football.
I watched superbowl at my apt.
Mom found out.
Family is pissed.
Aita?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
CCZhAlCaW3vnjrafVZ2O9RcTcWk42OuM
|
b0xy5n
|
{
"description": "ending a 4+ yr relationship with my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for ending a 4+ yr relationship with my boyfriend?
|
I met my boyfriend J, online 4+ years ago. He was working overseas in my country on a reciprocal work visa. I had alot going for me at that point- a good and supportive job, my friends and family close by, and was completely financially independent with ambitions of my own.
When I met J, I was coming out of a short relationship and was hoping to meet someone who was in the same mindset and place in life as me. He was very ambivalent about meeting up with me, and it took a far amount of convincing to secure a first date. Subsequently, I got him drunk and slept with him, and the past 4ish years have fallen into place. Eg, living together for most of it and moving internationally for him.
After his 2 year visa in my country came to an end, he asked me to move to his home with him to try living there, and I was more than keen to give it a go.
Since then, I've struggled with my ongoing depression and during these 2 odd years, I've admitted to myself and him that I have a problem with alcohol. I feel isolated here and feel an overwhelming sense of debt to him, despite my ability to find work here.
When i finally admitted my struggle with alcohol, he completely supported my return home for 3 months to address my addiction and find some clarity.
The trouble is, my sobriety ended the moment I was back with him. Part of me blames it on him and his ability to properly communicate issues with me. See, I have been begging him for a sign of his commitment to me in the form of an engagement. To me, that action means alot, and signifies to me that he's committed and willing to show me in a way I need. I've been patient and understanding of his apprehension. I gave him a timeline (3.5 years into our relationship, that I needed a proposal in a years time, or else I'd consider moving home). Its been well over a year since I've given him that timeline, and despite his reassurance he wants to be married to me, there has been no tangible evidence that he plans to follow through with a proposal, despite my many prompts.
I'm tired of pushing and at this point, I think a proposal at this point would seem disingenuous. I told him because if this, as well as my need to focus completely on my own health, I want to split and move home.
So, reddit, AMITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
J0dQRNjKGhRhcg5gfIlKEwkEdSgFSgLF
|
a2lner
|
{
"description": "kissing my friends sister",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA: For kissing my friends sister?
|
I was staying with a friend out in Colorado for a few months when suddenly a family member passed away and I have to come home for a funeral. After the funeral and a few days home, my friends sister took me to the airport. On our way there I get a text about my flight being delayed so we decided to get a few drinks and just hang out. Later in the night we end up kissing but nothing more. I arrive back in Colorado and immediately tell my friend what happened between his sister and I. He seemed to be surprised but not angry or anything. Fast forward about 2 weeks and he wants to move back to our hometown, so we do. The day after we get back he sends a text saying if I ever do anything with his sister again there will be problems. I didn’t say anything back, and we haven’t talked since.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
hJS5nhQ2BB2q4uIHRQaVHUmBVeHnGsyq
|
b6ye2b
|
{
"description": "getting my girlfriend and her mom in trouble at work",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for getting my girlfriend and her mom in trouble at work?
|
My girlfriend and her mother both work at a major retail store.
Recently, news broke that they would be closing a bunch of locations across the country.
I really don't like this store. It's a running joke across both our families that I want to "shut the whole damn operation down" obviously this is a hyperbole.
The store they worked at posted a status on Facebook, confirming our local store will be staying open. My girlfriend was laying next to me, so I had her look over as I jokingly commented "Damn, I was hoping it would go😭" she laughed and then we forgot about it.
Her mother went in to work this morning and was called into the office. Apparently one of the employees recognized my name and knew my association with them. I couldn't get much details but apparently they're now "in trouble" with management for what I said on Facebook.
I heard this and was flabbergasted. I've now learned the family is blaming me for what I said, saying "You got them in trouble"
I deleted the comments, but the managers printed them off.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
KDLG8lw43pE2GD62Q26ZpQCD9BvwEloR
|
ams5jm
|
{
"description": "being a little pouty because my brother won't pick me up from my train",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being a little pouty because my brother won't pick me up from my train?
|
This happened just now. Sorry if this is obvious, but I'm a little uncertain, maybe we're both assholes.
My brother and I decided earlier today that he would pick me up from the train station because he would drop of stuff at my place and pick up my broken guitar. It's much snow outside now, slippery and I have luggage without wheels.
When I got to my train he texted me and said that he wants to watch a football game(EU) so he will be late/won't pick me up, because he thinks it will be entertaining. We started arguing, my point being that we had already decided that he would pick me up. I compared this with that if I would be the one picking him up and then said that I won't do it because I would want to be entertained, he would get mad at me. He then told me "STFU, I want to watch the game now".
I gave him a chance to apologize for the STFU and then I would take the bus home and he could come a little later and drop of the stuff. He then said that he has nothing to apologize for, that I'm acting like a spoiled teenager. So now my mom will drop off the stuff tomorrow after work instead and I said that he's not welcome until he apologizes.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
c8Jt2mCVsOnjqRWxVVRDvyLlIwiXZrGo
|
a2xeo9
|
{
"description": "telling my roommate to take a shower and clean her side of the room",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my roommate to take a shower and clean her side of the room?
|
Ok. She does take showers but for once of every two weeks and once a month to clean her clothes and her bed. I had to spray air freshener every day so I don't have to smell it from my side of the room, but she gets a hissy fit everytime I either spray air freshener, open the window (which is on her side of the room) , or even asking her to take a shower. So she has excuses of how she doesn't do that at home, she doesn't have time, or she took one yesterday... EVERYONE at the campus can tell she didn't took one yesterday. She even wears the same clothes for a week. She told me to fuck off when I mentioned the smell everytime and mind my own business, kinda hard to really mind my own business when I'm stuck in the same room with the smell, it smells like a house with 9 dogs and the dogs aren't house trained.
But I do feel like I'm asking too much for her to shower and clean her side of the room, since she said my habits annoy her. Like my alarm clock annoys her, being loud and going off early (set at around 6:15am and bad hearing) or how I be staying in my room all the time after class (even though I don't think I'm in my room that much compare to her) so am I the asshole? I do feel like one but not sure.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
tVmlyhSANjdmvV4WYH1JE3llrY588NSY
|
aydclp
|
{
"description": "not helping my friend's cheating ex who got laid off",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not helping my friend's cheating ex who got laid off?
|
Okay, this one is a bit confusing, so I will try to explain as best as I can. I am changing minor details to hopefully not be recognised, but all changed details do not affect the facts of the scenario.
I (21F) have a best friend "Steve" (25M), who is gay. Steve has an ex "Carl" (28?M), and they at one point bought a house together, got cats, and were engaged. Steve found out that Carl was cheating and they broke up, with Carl keeping both the house and the cats.
This all happened before I met Steve, and I have never met Carl in person, but I love Steve dearly and therefore I severely dislike Carl.
Carl has known his job was downsizing for a while, and knew that if there were layoffs he would be one of the people to be cut, but he never looked for a different job or tried to find a back up plan. Just as expected, Carl was laid off.
The part about if I am an asshole is that Steve has stayed friendly with Carl, and while he doesn't want to date Carl again, is still attracted to him and has sort of forgiven Carl of his (abundant) cheating. Steve made a GoFundMe for people to help Carl not lose his house, and has been linking, emailing, and posting about it on the book of faces. Steve knows how much I dislike Carl, but has talked about it repeatedly.
AITA if I refused to help in any way, when Steve has forgiven Carl, and the cheating happened before I met Steve?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
HtqNoArvcZ6XgIqcY7sKquZSY1D2kzUW
|
b6g0cj
|
{
"description": "going to lunch with a married woman",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for going to lunch with a married woman?
|
I was recently berated by my girlfriend for this, but I don’t think I did anything wrong and want to hear if I’m the asshole.
Here are the story. In my department at work it’s me, my boss, and a woman who works under me who was hired about six months ago. We all went to lunch together about once or maybe twice a week, which is the same as before she started working when it was just me and my boss we did lunch about the same. We mainly just talk about work or other topical conversations. My boss got promoted a little while back, we still all do lunch together sometimes but lately he’s been too busy and maybe once every other week I do lunch with just myself and the girl who works under me when he doesn’t have time.
I was at lunch with her a few days back and sent a picture of my lunch to my girlfriend who commented on the food and asked who I went with. I told her I was with the girl I work with, and she responded weirdly and I knew something was up. I asked if she had an issue with it and she basically accused me of emotionally cheating on her with this girl, and that it is flat out wrong to be going to lunch with a married women. My gf told me at a work party I had brought her to a few months back, the girl that worked under me had grabbed my arm and it seemed odd to her. She basically said that that was inappropriate behavior and that it happened because I was encouraging it by going to lunch with her.
I have no recollection of her touching my arm at this party. There is absolutely nothing inappropriate or suggestive being said at these lunches, it is topical or business discussion only. There is never any other physical contact either. I have no interest in this woman who is happily married in any physical or emotional way, and honestly I don’t even find her attractive in any way. Most days we don’t even talk very much I assign her tasks and review her work, probably a combined 30 minutes of conversation a day ( apart from days we do lunch)
I told my girlfriend I would stop going since it was bothering her and I will, but I really don’t feel like I’m did wrong. This is typical of all divisions in our office and similar to what I’ve been doing with my boss before she was on board. I would be doing nothing different if she was a man. To me it helps with team building and working with people, and even though I won’t do it for my gfs sake, I don’t think I did anything wrong to begin with.
Am I the asshole here for thinking I didn’t do anything wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
6rLoQUuXK2VHQF3J0trNlsUNPNV64kxP
|
azcxgf
| null |
AITA
|
One of my good friends is getting married soon and asked me to be his best man. The problem is he wants me to clean shave my beard or shave it to a few weeks growth at most. I've been growing my beard for over a year now and absolutely do not want to shave it. I will for sure make sure it's neat and well groomed and I've talked with him about this but he really wants it gone. AITA for refusing to shave it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
E133HD2CQtNMP8ifor6qrFLECAKoCJ9D
|
a673ev
|
{
"description": "not letting two classmates play a videogame with us",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not letting two classmates play a videogame with us?
|
Last week, the newest installment in the "Super Smash Bros" series came out, a multiplayer party platform fighter where you play as various nintendo characters and try and knock the opponents into the "blast zone" to score a KO. It's on Nintendo's newest console, whose main selling point is that you can take it on the go. I've been bringing to school to play with my friends during lunch. But today, we had nothing do in healtha after we finished our work, so I [15m] brought out my switch to play with my friend, "A" [15m].
"A" had never played before, so I was going easy on him while explaining how to play. There's another classmate that sits infront of us that's a hardcore Nintendo fan, usually playing on his DS or drawing Nintendo characters in his sketchpad, he'll be "N". The way that Health is set up, is that it splits the large gym class into two health classes, and a friend of "N" came to talk to him and noticed taht we were playing Super Smash Bros on my switch. I had enough controllers for them to play, but I didn't want them to play because: A. They would probably destroy both of us easily B. I was still kinda salty that "N" didn't pull his weight in our group project, and C. I just thought they were kind of annoying.
When they came over, me and "A" gave them a bunch of excuses about why they couldn't play, and eventually they gave up, noticeably peeved off because of it. "N" 's friend returned to the other room. Note: they both had their own switches with the game, but didn't think to bring them to school to play. Anyways, our friend, "S", came over and asked to play a little while later. We handed him a controller, and we had fun, playing 2v1 against me. However, this must've really pissed "N" off, because he slammed his fists onto the desk HARD, and said "why does HE get to play?". I said back, "sorry, only people who did work on our group project can play." He was really pissed off for the rest of class.
So, AITA? I'm torn between "My console, my rules", and "sharing is caring" looking back at it. I mean, it's not like they couldn't play on their own. But because of his extreme reaction I'm second guessing myself. He's usually pretty calm and is a good kid, even if he's a bit weird and doesnmt seem to understand boundaries that well (He always eavesdrops on our conversations and butta in whenever he has input on the topic for example)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
mA1NxS0TTGeGQZ44nclF2RILMfyuhzY9
|
ar3vue
|
{
"description": "ignoring my mother",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ignoring my mother?
|
The title may be a little off, but I don’t know how to phrase it very well.
Very recently my sister went to go study abroad in Spain, and she left her dog with my mother, brother and I. The dog started going to the bathroom inside quite a bit (especially in places like the beds and couches). In the past week, my dog peed on my mom’s bed three times. Today, she peed on it for the fourth time. My mom was furious about it. She began to scream about throwing it out in the cold and began to throw a single shoe at it (to scare, apparently wasn’t meant to hit the dog). I have hardly ever seen my mother like that and I was genuinely concerned. I then proceeded to call my brother in law who lives a couple blocks away and asked if he could take the dog for a couple days. He agreed, and I told my mother about it. My mother was angry that I made this choice without consulting her. I told her that she needed the dog to be out of the house for her to “calm the fuck down”, and she disagreed quite a bit. I did this to help my mom calm down (the well-being of the dog was also somewhat part of the equation, but I didn’t really think that the dog should be pitied due to how it constantly did something it knew it wasn’t supposed to do). I’m confused as in to whether or not I did something wrong by calling to get the dog out of the house.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
HcYx9u5QcyG3e2o7XuFzHIWget0WPTWQ
|
ah0a9o
|
{
"description": "thinking my dads new relationship is gross",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 33
}
|
AITA for thinking my dads new relationship is gross?
|
My dad started dating a new lady after my mom and dad split and I'm with each of them half the time. My dad moved in with this person like literally only a year after they officially got divorced which I think is like way too soon. She's been nice to me, like overly nice to where I think shes probably faking it, and I try to be nice back for my dad but it's hard. Well I went into their bedroom to get something and there was lube on the nightstand. Just out in the open! Lube! Like they are not hiding anything! And when going through laundry I've found some of her "undergarments" that literally look like something a stripper would wear. On the outside she puts on this like perfect persona of being on of those "I can have it all" type of people and my dad tries to talk up her to me but I don't see it. Am I the asshole for thinking their relationship is gross? Ive never thought of my parents even having sex, now my dad screwing is being shoved in my face!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 33,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 33
}
|
WRONG
|
jKhaAJ3TsTfFVPz5wsK0BivcoUEEHHQ6
|
a1ko9f
|
{
"description": "jumping into my grandparents' argument",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for jumping into my grandparents’ argument?
|
I’m 22, and recently moved in with my grandparents after leaving New York City due to financial problems. My grandfather (70) had a stroke a couple years ago. He is doing much better now; he gets around on his own and can drive and do most things just fine. However, he has a hard time communicating. Oftentimes, he can think of what he wants to say, but can’t seem to get the words out. Sometimes, the wrong word will come out, like “truck” instead of “bicycle.” Most of the time, this results in him speaking very slowly and methodically. I try to be patient with him and wait a long moment before I respond, to make sure he is finished.
My grandmother (65) has a really bad habit of interrupting people. I don’t usually call her out on it when she interrupts me, I just stop, wait for her to finish, then restart my sentence slowly as if she didn’t say anything. She’s been doing it for years and most of the family are used to it.
Yesterday I got a call from two different restaurants in the area who are interested in hiring me. I asked my grandparents for advice about which job I should take, which led to a discussion about the benefits of each restaurant. While we were talking, my grandmother started talking over my grandfather and he exploded (rapid emotional changes are also a side effect of the stroke). Instead of apologizing, she denied that she had done anything, and argued back, interrupting him again. His hands were shaking and he was very frustrated because he was fighting to get the words out to tell her why he was upset.
I jumped to his defense and pointed out that she did in fact interrupt him, and had done it to me twice that day. I think she felt cornered because we were ganging up on her, and said “fine whatever.” She then went to her room to sulk and blatantly ignored me for the rest of the night when I asked her if I should make something for myself or whether she was going to make dinner.
TL;DR — I came to my grandfather’s defense because his disability made it difficult to defend himself, but in the process I think I made my grandmother feel more attacked. Should I have minded my business? Can I help her recognize her behavior or am I just creating more tension in the home?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
zy4u8qBOItkNW1vjGOAPWBWzOojAMMvZ
|
b9wrpj
|
{
"description": "asking my girlfriend whether she would mind shaving her pubes",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA the asshole if I asked my girlfriend whether she would mind shaving her pubes?
|
This is a throwaway account for privacy but I will answer any questions you may have in the comments. I’m male and both my girlfriend and I are 20 years old. I know the title itself makes me sound like an asshole already but please bear with me.
For additional information, I have kind of a weird relationship with hair. I’ve grown up in a family where all the women get rid of their body hair. My father, the only man in the family, seems to naturally have barely any hair on his body. This means I wasn’t really aware it was a thing until I started growing some myself and let me tell you, I started growing it early and lots of it. For years I was embarrassed for my hairy body until I started waxing it all off. Nowadays I know body hair is nothing to be embarrassed of but I still like the way my body and other people’s bodies look and feel a lot better without hair.
I hate the fact that I feel this way because
I actually like the idea of letting the hair grow:
Accepting that bodies are beautiful naturally?
That’s great!
Not having to waste hours just for hair removal?
Sounds good to me.
Not irritating your skin?
Seems sensible.
So I tried to force myself to get used to it. I watched porn where both men and women have lots of hair and I keep telling myself it’s normal to have hair but nothing has changed so far. At this point I feel like I can either try to bring it up in a non-hurtful way or shut up abut it forever and remain a bit frustrated.
The way I was planning on doing it is asking her if she has a preference on how I should wear my body hair and that if she does have a preference I would try it out for her. Then I would tell her that I prefer hairless but that if she doesn’t want to shave that’s her decision and that I love and find her attractive either way. I genuinely mean that but I’m still afraid to bring it up because this is a sensitive subject for many. We usually talk about everything and at least getting this off my chest would feel like a relief even if she doesn’t want to change anything so I’m unsure what to do.
What do you think? WIBTA if I asked my girlfriend if she minds shaving her pubes?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 13,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
mfnG56AWszgQXjqKCyjseod9VfoTSLA6
|
afl2jo
|
{
"description": "ceasing contact with a friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITAH for ceasing contact with a friend
|
So I had this friend I stopped contacting completely because he kinda became an asshole. It first started when I would go over to his house and my little brother would tag along as they do. (Keep in mind that my friend is an only child living with his grandparents after parents divorce) he would act like he wasn’t there like he would put in a game and avoid handing my brother a controller/give me the first turn and always argued with his grandparents. I feel kinda bad for never confronting him on it but he should have gotten the hint.
Summary: friend was an asshole to my brother and his grandparents so I stopped contact.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
H5jKrfqQmh4Kn0TEdshoQ1ZsCZAT06n5
|
almuuj
|
{
"description": "wanting my future kids to not believe in mythical stories",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
aita for wanting my future kids to not believe in mythical stories?
|
mobile blah blah formatting blah
i’m not a mom now and won’t be for quite a while (im 15) but when i do have kids (and i’ve thought about this plenty) ive realized that i kinda dont want them to really believe in mythical beings. like the tooth fairy, easter bunny, santa claus, etc. mostly to save them from the disappointment in later life.
i also find it kind of silly regarding those stories but nonetheless they’re seasonal, typical childhood beliefs you would get into. i just dont know if theyd be missing out on a typical childhood thing.
aita?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
beZmjhDfFsaTE2dJG1GTVOWsbyEELTK3
|
atkx28
|
{
"description": "being angry with a close family friend by not telling my family of her husband's death and funeral",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA: For being angry with a close family friend by not telling my family of her husband's death and funeral?
|
## For being angry with a close family friend by not telling my family of her husband's death and funeral?
📷
My family is very close to a married couple. We send Christmas cards, birthday cards, and invite each other several times a year for celebrations. Her husband and I drank beer together and would talk about how things are going. My 3 children are also close to them as they would babysit and invite our oldest daughter to stay a few days for carnivals. They live 20 minutes away.
My wife has the closest relationship with the wife. Because this woman and my wife's mother grew up in a Catholic orphanage in Malaysia. She is arguably my wife's best friend.
We just found out that her husband was in the hospital, was undergoing chemo treatment, died, and subsequently had the funeral Wednesday.
All we knew was that he went to the hospital for an eye surgery.
What pissed me off the most was that this woman told my wife's mother of the cancer, the death and attended the funeral. We found out by seeing them get into their car dressed up. My wife's mother, my wife's father, and her 24 year old brother left for the funeral.
My wife had to keep asking for updates on this situation since no one told us of anything going on.
I am furious with this woman, my mother in law, my father in law, and her brother. Mostly because we live right next to them.
Fuck them.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
8WWN1hipamUMgP5sRyiUrZWSXztsp2xc
|
arbvf6
|
{
"description": "not giving my classmate not alot of credit",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving my classmate not alot of credit
|
Ok guys hear me out
I am in the 7th grade and my social science class (History) is having a slides project about medevil Europe. My group of three (me ant two others) were working on the crusades. I did 90% of the project with the other 10% from the female in the group. The male in the group did ***ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING*** and goofed off with his friends while i worked. When he finally decided to work, i was pretty much done, and he wanted to take credit for 3 slides. I did because i am too nice. we argued though because i wanted most credit because he did nothing and i did the most work. Hes one of the athletic cool kids
​
AITA? ^(guys a m i)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
P7eLFWCQ8I7eYCrRIrUVoLkiSFDdvFjs
|
b9px2e
|
{
"description": "declining and saying it's offensive to be asked by the bride to drive her bridal car? shes a relative",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for declining and saying it's offensive to be asked by the bride to drive her bridal car? Shes a relative.
|
- Only for her reason of not wanting to invite the hired driver (not a relative) to the wedding.
- Other hired family drivers are available but she doesnt wanna invite anyone else to the wedding.
- The initial driver who backed out was invited so it's not a case of having no extra slot at the buffet!
- That cousin who was asked is also not part of the entourage and he isnt very close with the bride.
Her entourage only consists of friends actually, no family (weird!).
Asking for a friend!
P.S cultural background in the Philippines: Chaffeurs are more commonly hired to drive a bridal car
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
y4zC92ZY4bdCRoMl2Kry8kvW2S9wCVDF
|
9y62rb
|
{
"description": "hating my girlfriends parents for not allowing me to stay in their house while they were out",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA for hating my girlfriends parents for not allowing me to stay in their house while they were out?
|
My girlfriend and I have been together a couple of years, and we have yet to move out. She has this crazy agreement (in my eyes) with her parents about how they are having her stay home while she is in college because they are helping with expenses, although she wants to move and now can't until another year and a half.
Anyways, her parents are rather religious, the type to go to church every Sunday, and they constantly push that agenda onto me and my girlfriend. I'm not religious, but my girlfriend doesn't see an issue with anything they do.
So this morning, my girlfriend left for work at 7 a.m., and I don't start work until 10. So I was asleep, and all of a sudden I woke up to knocks on the bedroom door. It's her parents telling me that they're leaving for church. Ok... Whatever. Thanks for waking me up. But no, they are telling me I need to leave as well. I'm nearly 20, have been with their daughter for 2 years, and we have stayed at the house plenty of times while they were out... so why is it a big deal if I'm there just for a few hours while I wait for work? I don't have a bad history, I have never stolen or done anything wrong to them, and I'm not sure why they have this rule.
So I had to go outside and scrape off my car and didn't even have time to let it run a little bit before they had the house locked up and were telling me goodbye. I was, admittedly, a bit upset. It was pretty hard to see out the windshield cause it was so fogged and a little icy still, and now I'm sitting in a gas station waiting for work to open up cause it's freezing out. They didn't even give me time to eat breakfast.
AITA for hating them for not allowing me to just stay for an hour or two? I understand the home is a "sacred place", but I'm the one who cleans a vast majority of anything relating to my girlfriend in that house anyways. I just feel disrespected, as I know my parents wouldn't do the same to my girlfriend.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 17
}
|
WRONG
|
oZrhN42sVVAeEr1yGKHkV91vrGQEqABf
|
9z7uld
|
{
"description": "asking for compensation to babysit my own brother",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for asking for compensation to babysit my own brother?
|
Context:
I have a 3 year old half-brother. He has some kind of severe learning disability (cannot talk or understand many words at all), and is very difficult to control and impossible to reason with , as he doesn’t understand words. This is probable cause for a whole separate post, but I just generally don’t really feel that connected to him. I am home from college on break, and my parents last-minute asked if I could watch him so they could get dinner. My plans that night could be rescheduled, so i agreed. This involves me making him food, washing him, changing him, and putting him to sleep. Now, I wouldn’t want to be like paid as much as like an external babysitter, but AITA if I ask them to spot me some cash for the night for watching my own brother?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
r2Hei26GxYHHaZaz25mSZQcNUu4LswAa
|
akky70
|
{
"description": "thinking my gf is crazy for wanting to say I love you everytime we get off the phone",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA For thinking my gf is crazy for wanting to say i love you everytime we get off the phone?
|
My girlfriend wants me to say i love you everytime she goes to work or before hanging up the phone and will get very upset if i don't do so. If i forget she will say "ahem" waiting for me to say i love you and just not hang up the phone til i do. I think its a bit ridiculous to have to say i love you everytime. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
r8rQR5QwTUWraKwDwbhO7PnXzuWxalaw
|
aid0tg
|
{
"description": "getting mad about bacon",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for getting mad about bacon?
|
WARNING: Extremely petty content.
My old college roommate moved in with me again last year after our girlfriends each left us around the same time. His current girlfriend lives out-of-state, but visits for a week or two at a time. Our first encounter was less-than-pleasant. I'm a rather anxious person (currently medicated for OCD), and one of the things that gets to me is glitter. When she first arrives at our house for the first time, she brought craft herpes with her, and didn't bother to address it before getting settled in and coating the whole house. I resisted exploding, and voiced my concerns to him. He understood my uneasiness, and did a reasonable job cleaning up (though far from perfect, as one would expect from glitter). I tried not to let that permanently condemn her in my eyes, and dismissed it as a careless mistake. Most of the other things have been largely trivial, like overstuffing trash, not replacing toilet paper properly, leaving the toilet lid up (I maintain that when a guest in someone's home, you should make an attempt to leave things how you found them). Yesterday I came home to the house smelling strongly of bacon. To preface, I'm vegan—I'm not preachy about it or anything, but my roommate is well aware of the fact. While I find the smell off-putting, I respect their consumption under our roof. What I do not respect, however, is the smeared grease left over on my pan (he doesn't have his own kitchenware) and the stove after an attempted "cleaning". I strongly voiced my dissatisfaction—he said it was her doing, and that he would talk to her about it. Alright, fine. The next morning, I found he had done a better job cleaning (though I am not satisfied, I appreciate the attempt), but my freshly roasted coffee has grease smeared on the container somehow. I'm somewhere between throwing something and breaking down, but I leave a text to the effect of "if my coffee tastes like bacon, I'm gonna throw a fit". His response consists of how sick he is of our toilet backing up (this has been an intermittent issue for a while now), claiming I must not be flushing, as he doesn't have the problem. I take offense to the absurdity of the accusation that a quarter-century of muscle memory just vanished in the past months, and he decides that me claiming "muscle memory" as "more important" than an "overlook[ing] in the kitchen", is too much, and that he's moving out.
I concede that I likely overreacted on the bacon, but her repeated inconsideration is making me uncomfortable in my own home. She is a guest I allow to stay with us for an extended period of time, and I feel my property is not being respected.
I usually take the helm on initiating household service (though nothing is stopping him from doing it), and offered to have the toilet directly addressed, being more mindful in the meantime, double-flushing if I have to. He maintains that the problem is me.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
mVp9uB9BIHY4MO8OaH4HEja5sakAA51F
|
ba09bq
|
{
"description": "not wanting to give someone back their cats",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to give someone back their cats?
|
about two weeks ago a coworker (CW) of mine contacted me after not being at work for 3 days asking me to go to his home to pick up his two cats. Specifically told me that he didn’t know what to do with them, and thought that I would be able to find a home for them and that he would prefer for them to be able to stay together. He also told me I could have things from his apartment, to take or sell. I asked him if he was coming back for anything, and after a day and a half he responded that he was unsure.
No one knew what was going on. Not his mother anyone we work with, or the owners of the company.
After two weeks of everyone worried, vague or no response, CW comes back and somehow the company I work for has agreed to give him a second chance and allow him to continue his employment after essentially 2 weeks of no call/no show. This complicates things because it’s someone I will be working directly with and require and decent professional relationship with CW at the very least.
Come to find out the reason he left is that him and his husband (HB) got into a fight, ending with him hitting HB and the cops being called. Rather than be responsible and deal with the situation they both decided he should leave before the cops show up. Which caused a warrant put out for his arrest. He’s currently finishing up probation but rather than deal with the situation they both decide to skip town. They drove up the coast with their other two pets, and gave them away in another state 3,000 miles away to someone up there.
Now that CW is back he spoke with me this morning about taking the two cats back. At the time I told him most likely, but I know that my husband is pretty upset about the situation and that CW abandoned them, which CW doesn’t see it that way because he knew I would get them. I reluctantly told him he could most likely pick the cats up this afternoon, I just needed to talk to my husband.
Well, I sent my husband a text telling him and he called me telling me his friend (FR) had been promised the cats already, and that we were just holding them for him until FR closes on his house. FR is a 22 year old, who works a good job, buying his first house at a young age, which I think goes to show that he is a responsible stable person, who is very much excited to take in the two cats.
I text CW to tell him I was unaware that they had been promised to someone, and we had found a good home for them, but he doesn’t see it that way and he wants them back. In his argument as to why he’s even stated that he “can be 100% sure he can keep and care for them, but if not he is 100% sure his mother or brother could” if he can’t.
The more I think on it, the more I am hesitant to give an animal back to someone who would leave them, and put themselves in that kind of a situation.
AITA for not wanting to give CW his cats back, and rather foster them until they can go with my husbands coworker?
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HISTORICAL
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aofs01
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"description": "ignoring depressed girl",
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AITA for ignoring depressed girl?
|
Before you just pass me off as an asshole, let me explain. I've known this girl for about 2 years, the last year of which we've been on and off... something, we've been on the edge of sleeping together and even said "I love you", but things never worked out between us. I'm sad to say that I don't really have any fond feelings for this person anymore, and I mostly just ignore her or make small talk with her since this thing of ours shit the bed again last month.
Anyway, I told her I needed some space, and after that she basically disappeared from my life. She stopped going her (and my) usual spots, and we didn't talk on text for half a month. I was basically fine with life, started chatting with another girl, until she just sat there in the same room as me and my friends yesterday. I was having a good time, just taking the piss with my friends while she sat there alone. I must've caught her staring at me at least 100+ times in what could have only been an hour, every time I looked away, eventually those looks got angry, and then really, really sad.
Eventually my friend took her to another room, and apparently she is suicidal, says she has nothing to live for, and according to my friend those stares the shot my way were to get me to go talk to her, and it made her feel even worse when I ignored her. I'll admit that I went out of my way to not speak to her, since I can physically feel the anxiety whenever I've tried, but I still feel really guilty for not helping her, seeing as she is suicidal and was trying to seek me out.
AITA for ignoring this girl? I don't want her in my life I think, but I feel shitty that I ignored her when her life could have been on the line.
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HISTORICAL
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afiy1t
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AITA for ending the relationship
|
After I changed my school, I still had contact with some of my friends but we did'nt do much with each other anymore. So I looked out for some new friends and met a nice dude at my school. So we decieded to program and play some video games together. I felt like we really get along well with each other, but than i noticed that i was the one who always asked if he want to do something with me, also sometimes he didnt even answered my messages. It wasnt a big deal at this time. When I asked him he just told me that he hasnt to reply to all my questions and that he takes everything more easily. I thought ok, maybe he has some stress at home because i knew some of the background about his family he told me. I offered him help if he needs it and told him he could just write if he want to do something with me again. At this time he was literally the only friend I had contact with. So after a week I texted him whats going on now and why he didnt replied. He answered that sometimes he just wants to have his peace. I understood that and asked him if he is now ready to go on and program with me again (We had a little project and wanted to do this together). He replied yes and we continued and talked to each other several days until the day we met in school again. In school we decieded to countinue our project because we had nothing to do and we deciede to resume after school if we were at home. So Ive waited for him to join me on teamspeak but he didnt. After a couple of hours I asked whats up and he just replied that it could be later. I just waited but he didnt texted back or anything. Anyway after 3 days I wrote that if he dont want to do something with me i would go on alone with our project. Like i wrote Ive already asked why he didnt replied and if he didnt want to be friends with me or whats going on. He didnt answered most of the questions and just ignored them and said he doesnt want to talk about this topic. I guess he meant why he didnt replied and whats on his mind, but he wanted to go on and if i mean with beeing friends to share interests than yes. I dont understand it myself. So this time he answered that he often dont know what i want from him and that im often, and i think often negative. That could be true but how im supposed to think about this in a positive way I am also sometimes a little bit of a pessimist ? Then I replied with a really long message and explained all i wrote here to him. And asked him if he just could answer my questions more often and he could also ask me if i want to to something with him. Because for me this friendship was one-sided. It felt like he didnt really want to do something with me and was just nice to me to avoid stress but i also could undertsand if he doesnt want to be friends with me. I once said to him he just has to tell me what he wants i cant read minds and he said yes but didnt answered my qustions... and my question literally was whats on his mind. So as you can tell now he didnt relpied to this message as well and I asked again whats your answer? What do you think, sahre your mind. But again he didint replied and I saw that he just started playing a video game so I ended our friendship. AITA in this situation? Was I too negative or confronted him to agressive? What should I do now, i really need some good advice guys, i would like to go on if he would communicate with me because he is a really nice guy, but I also dont want a friend who just ignores me. If I should confront him how ? Or should i just let rest it ? What are your experiences and advices?
Sorry for my bad english but pls send help.
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ahio30
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"description": "not ever wanting kids not just because of how stressful the life of a parent is, but because I know I'd never be a happy person and would never really love them",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 1
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|
AITA for not ever wanting kids not just because of how stressful the life of a parent is, but because I know I'd never be a happy person and would never really love them?
|
Go ahead, call me an asshole or a cold bastard. But I've contemplated this many times. In fact, I'm afraid to have sex and lose my virginity solely because of that one accident it takes, even with protection, to get a girl pregnant. I'm legitimately considering getting a vasectomy a few years after I graduate college and get my own healthcare and whatnot as a safeguard. I know I'd probably be ostracized by my family but oh well.
And don't get me wrong, I love my baby nephew. He is so adorable and curious and he always lifts everyone's spirits when he's around. Some of my fondest memories thus far have been of when he would stay at my house and my parents and I would have to babysit him while my brother and his fiance were having some free time away from him for once. I'd go into the bedroom and see him just starting to wake up from a nap and watch his face light up.
But then I quickly come back down to earth and realize how little patience I have for the crying and whining.
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HISTORICAL
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a2lnof
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{
"description": "disowning my parents",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
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|
AITA for disowning my parents?
|
My mother and father homeschooled me, and i stayed isolated in my room playing video games for pretty much the entire time i would have been in school. I turned into a young adult and it still effects me to this day...depression, crippling social anxiety, low self-esteem... Infact, to this day my only hobbies are video games and staying isolated in my room. I've managed to get a job and i'm moving far away from them. my father is a narcassist and my mother was isolated herself as a child. I wonder if blaming them is fair, after all, i didn't want to start school when i was a teenager. they asked and i didn't want to go. But AITA for blaming them for that and basically disowning them?
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HISTORICAL
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afecaw
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{
"description": "not wanting to play games with my childhood friend because he's bad",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 10
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|
AITA for not wanting to play games with my childhood friend because he's bad?
|
So we've been gamers since we were 10 and we're now 19 in college. I take nearly everything serious, like I understand it's a game and it's just for fun, but I like to win and I HATE losing. My friend is bad at games, he plays a lot and on some days I feel like I'm an asshole to him. I always try to say "C'mon Frank you can do it. I'm waiting for your breakout game, let's win this game." and stuff like that, but over time I get so frustrated (even though it's not all his fault) and I say "c'mon man. I want to win, if you're not gonna play better, I don't want to play with you." I just want to win. He's all mad that I take it so serious, but that's literally who I am and who I've been my entire life. I hate losing, you beat me in a Monopoly game and I won't quit until I win. I'll play again and again until I beat you, that's who I am. He just doesn't really give a shit until recently. He's mentioned to me that he wants to be really good at the game and win a bunch of games. He puts in the time, but it's all his mindset I think. He doesn't have the competitive edge. I feel like a giant asshole whenever I say something like that, but it's true and I'm sick of losing.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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au5de3
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{
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|
AITA for limiting my adult brother's internet access
|
My younger brother is 19 years old and not currently working or studying, we both live at home.
I pay for the internet in the household and I'm IT savvy so I'm unofficially in charge of all the technology in the house, if anything breaks or if there's a problem with the ISP I handle it. Due to this I have sole access to the modem control panel.
My brother has shown symptoms of computer/internet dependency for the past few years, he no longer has any hobbies or diversions outside of whatever he can access on his PC. I recognise these symptoms because I was once in the same position as him at the same age, which lead to a series of unfortunate events that I do not want him to repeat.
This dependency is also sapping his ambition to do something with his life, as mentioned before he doesn't want to study or work and he has no plans to. I've tried helping him directly but he has threatened to run away if I continued bugging him about it.
The best I've been able to do without causing mayhem is limiting his access to the internet during the day and early morning. I do this through the aforementioned modem control panel. The agreement we have is if he helps out around the house or does something during the day, I give him all day access.
His friends whom I also know have commonly stated that I'm being unfair and abusive. I'm worried that they're right and I've been overstepping my bounds as his brother. My brother has also been noticably distant toward me for a long time now, and it's starting to hurt. I'm worried that I'm being a hypocrite since I was essentially the same has him when I was younger, but I just don't want him to go through what I did.
Any questions please don't hesitate to ask.
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HISTORICAL
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vqoMkriduqTZG7ZpegHLowFuldM2uLwv
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9tm1yk
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"description": "not cleaning up",
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|
AITA for not cleaning up?
|
I’m a student and live with 4 other guys. It was my birthday yesterday and I got a waffle maker and we decided we would make waffles with it. We all contributed to the ingredients and utensils required in order to make them and we feasted on the waffles. The batter was running out but there was enough for a small one, so I stayed and finished the last one whilst the others went and watched a movie in the other room. I cleaned up the utensils and went to watch the movie. There was a mess on the counter surface from flour, sugar, spilt batter etc but I left it there.
The morning after, they ask me to clean up the mess. I declined as the way I see it, it is our mess and seeing as I cleaned up the utensils, one of the other 4 could wipe the surface. They all have a go at me saying I should clean it because I was the one that was actually cooking the waffles (even though we all ate them). They then go further and say that because one of them emptied the bins and another dealt with the recycling, there is even more reason I should wipe the mess as they have done other jobs for the house.
AITA for not just cleaning it up? I know I could have just done it and been done in 2 minutes and avoided this whole situation, but I didn't because I thought it was ridiculous they were putting the responsibility of it all on me, even though it was a group activity that we all partook in.
And before anyone says it, yes, we are all adults (21/22) arguing about who wipes the surface.
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"description": "telling my gf I'm upset that she told my best friend that she loves him",
"pronormative_score": 17,
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|
WIBTA for telling my gf I'm upset that she told my best friend that she loves him
|
I went to a cabin with my friends and our SOs last weekend. My gf (of 3 years) and I got there first and my gf realized that she forgot tampons. The nearest drug store was almost an hour away. She wanted me to text all my friends and ask the to stop but I thought that was weird and told her to text their girlfriends instead. She only had one of their numbers and the girl didn't answer, so my gf texted my best friend Leroy on her own and he brought her tampons.
The part that really rubbed me the wrong way was when he gave them to her, she gave him a hug and said "I love you Lee you're such a good friend." She said it really loudly so everyone heard it and it bothered me a lot that she was basically announcing that she loves someone else in front of all my friends, and on top of that, she said it about my best friend.
I didn't bring it up on the trip because I didn't want to start a fight when we were in close quarters with all our friends but it kind of ruined my weekend because I felt like I needed to keep an eye on her and if she was flirting with Leroy. Now we're back and I'm pretty pissed about how the whole weekend went downhill for me. WIBTA if I addressed it with her?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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M0tVmIcAooVTHzXgCjaapYGAzMrIOaTx
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aplipy
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{
"description": "not forgiving the gay guy who hit on me",
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|
AITA for not forgiving the gay guy who hit on me?
|
Let me just start by saying that I am a straight man that has never come out as gay. I don't dislike gay people however, I don't give a shit where you want to put your junk just keep me out of it.
This happened in my freshman year. I had just moved to the area so I didn't know many people and was slightly self conscious and on edge. Having moved alot I try to keep my head down and avoid people.
Anyway, in gym class there was this guy I had never talked to (didn't even know his name) who started hitting on me. At first I thought he was just joking and it would stop after a few days. He would say something and I would ethier try to laugh it off or avoid him. He would compliment me and say I was cute.
Note: I told him I was straight
This went on for about a week when I got feed up and told him I was straight with no interest in him. When he continued, I tried to ignore him completely and avoid him as best as I could. At this point he because more "intense". Saying things like how he wanted to kiss and date me. Calling me a "snack" and the like.
After about a month or so I got feed up. The stress of moving, plus this guy that wouldn't stop hitting on me made me break. I yelled at him in public. I said somethings that I didn't regret, until now.
When I yelled at him I threatened him, telling him I would report him if he talked to me ever again.
So it has been several years and he never talked to me sense. He had stepped back and has left me alone. I still can't forgive him though. I am still mad at him, and couldn't care less about what happened to him. So, AMTA for now letting go of my hate and just talking to him again?
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HISTORICAL
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avgg82
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"description": "kicking a guy from our group",
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|
AITA for kicking a guy from our group?
|
About 4 years ago, I started playing D&D with the person in question. I never liked this person. He is obnoxious, obtrusive, and starts a lot of drama.
After about a year of an awful campaign, the group began to splinter. About 2 years ago we ended up with a stable group of 7 that didn't include this person. We hadn't kicked him out; it's just the group had shifted.
But 6 months ago, he came to hang out at our group one day. Drama in his D&D group came to a head, and we spent like an hour comforting him. I was the only one who didn't like him. So when he asked to join our group, I obviously couldn't say no.
Immediately after he joined the group, his parents kicked him out too, on account of some sex toys they found. They're hardcore conservative Christians and that stuff doesn't fly in their house.
At the time, he was a she; he wouldn't come out as a trans man for the next 3 months. And this is NOT the reason we kicked him out. But it did factor into some of the drama we started having.
In one of the campaigns being run, we all had to pick a horrible flaw, and my character had ended up a chauvinist. In response to this, the new guy made a character he described as a "man who looked like a woman". This probably had something to do with gender dysphoria.
A few months into the campaign, someone played the song "dude looks like a lady" as a joke. He was very offended and said his character was trans. We were confused as he had never described the character as such. He finally came out to us now.
After 4 months in the group, he joined this community at college. The best way to describe it is a "safe space". He started policing us on what we weren't allowed to say. We couldn't say clit or cunt, among several other things. Before joining this community he was the only one who said things like that.
He would also escalate existing drama in the group. If we had an arguement, he would always take the minority's side to extend the arguement, even if the arguement had already wrapped up in the chat or in person.
He would send offensive jokes and memes to the chat and then claim he sent them to the wrong person when no one found them funny.
And on top of all that, all his characters in the various campaigns we ran were edgy attention whores who hogged the spotlight.
It got to the point that the rest of the group didn't like him either.
I brought it to the group that maybe we should just boot him. He didn't gel well with the group, and he made everyone miserable. Everyone thought it would be best.
We confronted him and asked him to leave, citing all the above reasons. He was very upset, but we were all done with him by now.
The thing is, though I never liked him, I still feel bad since he had just been kicked out of another group and his house, and he had just come out as trans to us, which wasn't easy.
AITA here reddit?
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HISTORICAL
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0PCvbgYxAlODpv8IYTZUaJVe3fpK3Ayl
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b0txvq
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"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend while she's in the hospital",
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|
WIBTA if I broke up with my girlfriend while she's in the hospital?
|
Hi guys! So, first, a little bit of background.
Earlier this year I was in the hospital due to mental issues that I was having. While in the hospital I met a girl there, we hit it off, and, when she got out, we started dating.
We had a few dates and hung out a few times; we decided to mutually call each other girlfriends, which was fine to me because we were together a lot, intimate, etc. This was over the course of around a month out of the hospital.
So she winds up going back into the hospital, but, this time, it was different. My hospital stay left me relatively stable, but she'd been in and out of hospitals for the last year. They weren't working so well for her, and, given that she was banned from the hospital near to me, she had to be sent to a state run institution for long term care.
She was in the ER for an entire month as she waited for a bed to get freed up at the other institution. I was able to visit her during this period, and, eventually, she was sent to the other institution.
I've tried to encourage her to use the hospital stay for her own benefit. Inpatient treatment can be really great for mental issues since you have an entire team to help you as you switch around medications and have episodes, etc. Really, when used correctly, inpatient treatment can be highly stabilizing.
I was actually very excited for her to go where she is now. It's a good hospital, and she has a lot more freedom there than she's had at other institutions. I was thinking she'd start to improve; I've been wrong thus far. In fact, she seems to be getting worse, and, despite her being very self aware and knowing that she needs help, she doesn't seem to be giving it a lot of effort. She seems to assume that improvement will just happen on its own.
I'm getting tired of having a relationship through a phone and hearing every time I call that my girlfriend has done something else, or, alternatively, hearing her beat herself up and say things that I know for a fact are to garner attention, consciously or subconsciously.
I care a lot about her; I want this to work. I assumed at the outset that her self-awareness would lead to fairly rapid improvement. I've told her that, if she can't improve, there isn't really a way I can be with her healthily. I've also told her that I wouldn't break up with her while she's in there, and that I won't break up with her period if she continues to try to improve.
I just tried to call and she was having another episode, probably being extremely terrible to the nursing staff, explosive, etc., so we couldn't talk. It frustrated me enough to think twice about being with her yet again.
So, WIBTA if I broke up with her while she's still in the hospital and in need of support?
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b84aeo
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|
AITA for asking my girlfriend to help me think about our future?
|
My (27M) girlfriend (23F) is an aloof person, do not really like confrontation and do not really like to pick fight with anyone. In fact, this is what attracts me in the first place however these days she is unhappy with the relationship because I seem preoccupied most of the time with her during dates and more easily irritated. I realise this is due to me having a new job, I had less than stellar employment record and my career is a bit shaky so I am paranoid as a person.
​
I told her that all this stress added with thinking of the possibility opening business before we settle down, plus buying a house and saving money for marriage (we don't really have enough money, let alone for three of them). I make good money (triple minimum wages) while my GF makes slightly above the minimum wage.
​
When she confronted me with the state I am in, I told her that all this burden adds up and I told her she needs to help me to think all of this because this is too much burden for a person to think (how to save enough money, what kind of house we want to purchase, what kind of business). She argued that I know from the beginning she is an aloof person, I can initiate the conversation, she usually responds but she can't really take the initiative to do it.
​
We ended up arguing because I feel like I can use some mental help while my GF thinks I am expecting too much of her.
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
G5x01aOISbwV7HFvcai0C3BTRhC6M8Kr
|
altnn3
|
{
"description": "not wanting to save a friendship",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not wanting to save a friendship
|
Yesterday I got into a huge fight over me wanting to take some time to decide if I wanted to save a friendship with someone. This fight began when I said that I'd like to take some time away to see if I was willing to make an effort to fix this relationship. Things have been steadily going downhill with our friendship all month and I was getting tired over the lack of communication I felt from him, his arrogance he tends to have, and his always right mentality. He told me "As an adult you have an obligation to fix this relationship." All I could think and was firm about, is that I don't have an obligation to do anything I don't want to do. I tried to make it clear that I felt like I needed to decide if I wanted to take some time and decide if I felt it was worth the effort. However he was just telling me that I was being a child and not being and adult since I didn't want to fix the friendship. I wanted to just drop the friendship at that point, but wanted to take time to see if it was how I really felt about the situation as a whole. He continues to push then blocked me because he found out I was upset with him because of terrible communication. Saying "GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE"
I don't believe I was in the wrong here. However socially im terrible at friendships so I just wanted to see if I was in the wrong
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
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"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
zrnotZLDt4dXyMH9netlG4Ww45ypn7Bw
|
ay4yzt
|
{
"description": "storming out of my job",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for storming out of my job?
|
When I was 17, I worked in fast food. Overall, I liked the job because of the people I worked with and just having a “customer service” personality. However, I was planning on quitting my job because I was going to be a senior in high school and I had activities and extra curriculars in the fall that wouldn’t allow me to work. I went to the general manager and put in my two weeks and he was very understanding.
It was my last shift working there, and somewhat emotional after spending 2 years there and meeting many friends as well as my boyfriend at the time. I was working a 10 hour shift, 3pm-1am. I was a closer, and in the company policy, closers and any shift 8+ hours gets a 30 minute break to eat. We are not allowed to eat on the clock at all so I was counting on this break for dinner.
The supervisor that was working always pulls the “legally I don’t have to give any breaks” card out whenever employees complain. Normally he just says it to be a jerk and everyone gets their breaks anyways. It’s 7pm and the dinner rush is beginning to slow down so I ask what time I will get my break. Supervisor says “you shouldn’t even be asking right now, I don’t even know if we are giving out breaks tonight.”
7:30 rolls around, supervisor takes his break. I’m a little salty because most supervisors make sure everyone else has breaks before they take their own but I didn’t say anything.
8:30 comes, nobody has had breaks and since I clocked on a couple hours before the other closers, I am getting my break first, per company policy. The drive thru and lobby are both empty, and I ask for my break. I am starving. Supervisor says, “I’m not giving any breaks tonight.” I go talk to the other employees and I’m pretty upset because I’m working 10 hours, we’re not busy, and I’m supposed to get a break.
9:00, still nobody in the drive thru nor the lobby. I am getting distracted by how hungry I am, but I don’t steal any food or break the rules. I’ve had it at this point and it was my last shift so I had nothing to lose. I ask for a break one more time. Supervisor says “I told you, nobody is getting breaks tonight. I don’t legally have to give you one so you’re going back to work.” I then took off my hat and my headset and said I was leaving, supervisor replies, “are you fucking kidding me?” and I just silently walk out.
After all this, the rest of the closers got their breaks and the general manager told me that I was still a good employee for him and that he would still be a good reference for me. My dad was irate and said that there is never ever an excuse to walk out of a shift no matter what. I feel guilty, however I did put in my two weeks and tried to be respectful to my bosses. Sometimes I still feel guilty.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
z7Tf628iFHJEruhMwtE6YZdvMTmY6Dj4
|
akemgf
|
{
"description": "wanting to go out when it's snowing",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA For Wanting to Go Out When It’s Snowing?
|
Hello,
Just need some quick opinions. Basically I wanted to go out today to see my girlfriend, but it was kind of snowy today (live in Toronto) and I’m living with my parents. I’m only 21 and haven’t graduated yet so I don’t own a car. However, my parents do. When I ask if I can use it, I get countered with a “if there is an accident, can you pay for it?”. This is basically them not letting me go out.
Long story short, my girlfriend is frustrated that I can’t go out, my parents are angry that I wanted to go out, and I’m angry that I’m not allowed out.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
PP87ZXjYij6qwsn5ismeRSpTb9n1mvCf
|
b21clr
|
{
"description": "wanting more sex from my wife of two years",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting more sex from my wife of two years?
|
So, my wife and I have been married for a couple years at this point, and are in our late twenties and our sex life has just...stopped. When we were dating, we didn't have sex much because of stressful work and life things, and while I would have preferred more, it was enough. Starting from our wedding until about two months ago was a gradual decline. Two months ago it just stopped altogether.
After a month of nothing happening, I sat her down and asked if if something was wrong, if she wasn't feeling well or was stressed. She said nothing was wrong, she felt fine, she was stressed but no more than usual, she just wasn't ever in the mood. I suggested she visit her doctor and she told me to stop being ridiculous, and that sometimes women just aren't in the mood. Of course I understand this, but this had been a month of nothing. Not even second base, just nothing. She's fine day to day, we don't really fight or anything, but it had started to feel like we were roommates that happened to share a bed.
We've also been having the conversation about starting a family soon, and I'm not sure how she intends to do that if she doesn't ever want to be intimate. The other night (we are now at two months of no sex, she still thinks this is normal and fine) we were discussing it and we agreed a few months from now would be ideal. We did the math on finances and work schedules and whatnot and agreed that was the best time. Then, I made a joke about getting some practice in and she blew me off. I then asked her point blank if we were only going to have sex again in a few months just until she got pregnant. She sneered at me and said "Why are you obsessed with sex? What are you a teenager?". We had a... pointed discussion that centered her idea that sex is an occasional treat when the moment is right and is not a common occurrence. She said that I was acting like a teenager and that adults don't have sex all the time, and she just doesn't need it and doesn't really want it that often. She said when she is in the mood, it's great and she enjoys it (and I believe it, when we do have sex, it's awesome, it is just infrequent) and said that should be enough for me and it was selfish to ask for more.
So, AITA for wanting more sex? Am I just being a hormonal stereotypical guy?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
vBo73JV0LSign8C0SpyAdmNQV5BNFJbg
|
apc2b5
|
{
"description": "calling my brothers girlfriend \"miss piggy\" for eating our food after we told her not too",
"pronormative_score": 564,
"contranormative_score": 399
}
|
AITA for calling my brothers girlfriend "miss piggy" for eating our food after we told her not too?
|
So last year my brother moved in with me and my roommate. When he moved in his girlfriend started spending a lot of time at our place. This isn't a problem as my roommates girl friend comes over too. Here's the thing though. My brothers gf pretty much eats all our food. No matter who's it it she will eat it. Me and roommate have told her multiple times to stop eating the food we buy and only eat the food brother buys but she ignores us and eats our food anyway.
​
We have confronted her and my brother multiple times and told them she needs to stop but she just says "tee hee, sorry but it's so good" and he refuses to say anything about it. We both have tried to talk him into going to her house insted of bringing her over but he doesn't want too. It's gotten to the point where both of us are considering getting a second fridge to put a lock on.
​
Well, we're both sick of it. Brothers gf is a heavy girl and weight is a very touchy issue with her. Well, recently both of us have taken to calling her miss piggy when she eats our food. If we ever see her eating our food or after she has we confront her and call her it. She hates it and has freaks out each time she hears us refer to her as it. Honestly though, she still eats our food and so we kept doing it.
​
Well, today when I got home from work his gf was there eating leftovers I had cooked last night. I told her "Wow, I love to come home to see miss piggy eating my leftovers that I was looking forward too." before I started oinking at her. She broke down crying and ran out. She's been calling my brother furiously since and is refusing to come here anymore because i'm an "asshole".
​
Am i? Like, we asked her so much to stop and she didn't that i honestly just lost it. We all buy our own food and we have a rule never to touch each others stuff. She knows this and she still did it so I think she deserved it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 96,
"OTHER": 563,
"EVERYBODY": 303,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 564,
"WRONG": 399
}
|
RIGHT
|
m3oLHCmE1vWwqMaqxTobR6VDNPoRfYTV
|
axizl1
|
{
"description": "not wanting to skype my gf every single night",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to skype my gf every single night?
|
So me and my gf have been dating for 3 months now and things have been going real good. We're both at uni but I'm a full time student and she's a part time. I'm at campus from 6am-6pm every day of the week, plus doing 3 hours of extra self directed learning when I get home just to keep up and she'll have one 2 hour class for 3 days of the week, so our schedules are very different.
I'm exhausted pretty much every night.
During the day we text, I tell her what I'm up to and what I've got install for the day, my classes I've got on etc etc.
I don't quite think she gets how busy and full on I am and how bloody exhausted I am when I finish my days. I warned her prior to starting the year that I'll be busy and full on and probably won't be able to text 24/7. She told me that was fine and she can handle that.
I've been Skyping with her probably twice a week at the moment (since we live about an hour away) but now she wants to every night. I'm asleep by 9:30 pretty much every night and the times I'm honest with her and just say I'm too tired or take a raincheck she gets all passive agressive with me and I just don't have the energy to deal with it after a long day.
I feel bad telling her no because she gets all pissy with me, but I feel like I also need to take care of myself. For example today, we Skyped from 7-8pm since I got all my shit done during the day to make the time for her. She then wanted to Skype later on but I told her I just needed to sleep since I have to get up at 5:30.
The second I gently let her down (after already Skyping that day) I got shut down, she got all passive and just told me goodnight.
I felt bad but sometimes I just need some time to myself to just relax.
AITA here? Every time I even mention I'm somewhat tired it feels as though she takes offence from it. It annoys me and I don't know how to make her understand without her getting all upset.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
6lXyQt8YBQJLfMiDmurG2iRI9ImXXAVQ
|
avnib0
|
{
"description": "not telling a potential employer I got another job",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not telling a potential employer I got another job?
|
So for the past week, Ive had basically 1-2 job interviews each day. My post-interview routine is have the interview, thank the company, and then forgot about the job. This is because Ive had so many promising interviews that I never heard back from, so its best for me to pretend I didn't get it and keep looking for work.
​
One interview ("Job A"), I thought I wouldn't get at all because of my experience, however they said they'd tell me by Wednesday this week (yesterday) if I had the job. They emailed me and said they had trouble getting in contact with my references, so id find out today.
​
Job B sounded like I would get it, but honestly I've been in a situation where I thought id get the job and it didn't happen, so I didn't get my hopes up. The woman interviewing me for job B told me that she was impressed with me, got me to fill out an application and then told me she would send everything away for reference checks, but it all sounded really promising to her. I was told I'd hear by Monday this week.2 That was the only hint that I would be successful, but like with any other job, I waited it out to see what would happen.
​
\-
​
Barely even an hour ago, I got a call from job A. The woman offered me the job, and even though I was surprised they wanted me (like I said, because of experience), I took it because it would be an awesome experience. Half an hour ago, the lady from job B called. She told me I had been accepted for this job, and I'll get an email with my start date and everything soon. This is basically how our call went down:
​
Job B: Hi atomicpigeons, sorry for the late reply, but we are wanting to offer you the job at (shop). You will receive an email soon with your start dates and any other information.
Me: Thank you so much for your time, but unfortunately I just accepted a job earlier today. I appreciate you giving me the opportunity though.
\*silence\*
Job B: Well, you should've called me to tell me you got the job.
Me: Yes, I'm sorry about that, I didn't think to as I didn't know if I got the job with you or not.
Job B: Alright well, thank you for your time. \*hangs up\*
​
​
I felt guilty when she told me I should've called, but thinking about it, I'm not going to ring every interviewer that sounded promising if I already accepted another, especially if they ring late. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
j05tyKGJcsPnpi4m5kXOLnEbICsSZ5wb
|
b4y64r
|
{
"description": "taking advantage of a free meal",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for taking advantage of a free meal?
|
There’s a church in my city that does a weekly free lunch. It’s not said any where that it’s specifically for homeless or low income people, but that just seems to be the general crowd. The food is pretty good and it’s not uncommon to have a nice conversation with someone new while eating. I’m not rolling in money, but I can afford to feed myself.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 14,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
hdxvSVEyebWWlGpPGMNcmpHJRzcgpNdO
|
b2cjwn
|
{
"description": "refusing to help with my SIL's birthday party preparations and during the event when she gave one day's notice",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for refusing to help with my SIL’s birthday party preparations and during the event when she gave one day’s notice?
|
So here’s the story I’ve been married together with my wife for 7 years, 4 as a married couple. My SIL 31(f) every year when we’re nearing her birthday we ask her if she has any plans or how she wants to celebrate it and she always says nothing then on the day before she tells us and her immediate family (parents, brother and wife) about her plans which involve a lot of guests, preparations and expenses, and then she expects us to all help and do all the work while she plays gracious hostess. She would expect her mother to cook, my wife to do the decorations and have me assist, brother would take care of booze and music, and then she would expect us to servicio the guests, take pictures as hired photographers and just plain do everything including clean up while she just spent time talking and mingling with her guests. This year was no different and I told my wife that I knew what was coming with SIL’s birthday this year and that I wasn’t having it. If she came to us one day before with her plans I’d refuse to help out with anything. So fast forward to the date and sure enough SIL uses same MO and pulls the same crap. My wife pleads with me to help and I say that I would do a bare minimum so she (my wife) doesn’t have to get the shitty end of that stick but that I refuse to play the part of the hired help without pay. So come Sunday we wake up at 5am (it was a lunch) and we go to My in-laws house I help with some minor arrangements and then I just stand aside and let them do there thing and just wait for the guest to arrive and enjoy the party as another guest. To be clear i served my own drinks and food and in no way had my in-laws serve me as that is what pisses me off about SIL attitude. When it came time to take some pictures SIL expected me to take them all and follow her around I refused politely and told her her bf could take them. She complained about how he didn’t have a good phone so the photos wouldn’t be so good. I said that I was sorry but I wouldn’t take the photos. At this time and aunt and cousin of hers interjected and told me to stop being an asshole and just take the pictures as that what was family did, support each other, their words. I told them no, and that they could take the pictures themselves if they really believed in supporting each other. So wife and I just got back and she’s upset with me because she says i didn’t help her today even though I told her I wouldn’t participate if last year’s events repeated themselves again this year. So am I the asshole??
Sorry for lengthy post, format (mobile app), and grammar (English is not my native language)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
ziqBPshdtXHGoQsa0etlOTosXDBWiTfp
|
azmghr
|
{
"description": "tipping extra instead of cleaning after myself at a restaurant",
"pronormative_score": 32,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for tipping extra instead of cleaning after myself at a restaurant
|
My wife, 3 kids (5, 4, & 1) and myself frequent a local restaurant. We always get the same food and the bill always comes to $83. I’ve always left a $100 and everyone has been happy with that. I know for a fact at this restaurant the server cleans the table, there are no busboys or anything like that.
Yesterday as were finishing our food, something came up and we had to go in a hurry. Normally we clean the mess up from the kids, but this time I really wanted to get going. My wife made a comment about it so instead of making the kids clean their mess, I left an extra $15. I wont downplay the mess, it was pretty bad and probably took a few minutes for them to clean and get ready for the next person. My wife is so embarrassed and says we can’t go to this restaurant anymore.
Am I the asshole here? I know working in a restaurant is difficult, but I left a $32 tip. I think that has to count for something.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 19,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 32,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
kn1ZPvTxtbyQ4C6EBMGYmvyubZrYu3NX
|
azvhil
|
{
"description": "showering in my apartment past midnight",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for showering in my apartment past midnight?
|
I don't need to do it, I just do it for pleasure sometimes. I've never heard my neighbor's shower late at night. It's not really loud, but possibly loud enough to wake up really light sleepers. Although, my neighborhood also had other late night noises, like cops and occasionally motorcycle gangs.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
9Qb298k4DgX2zNPqRDsuvUZDbxuapx1Q
|
atmke1
|
{
"description": "not spending time with my gf from out of town once a week",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not spending time with my GF from out of town once a week?
|
Long distance relationship, like Europe to U.S. long 30/m and 45/f. She's visiting me for 5 weeks. She has less then a week left. I have made EVERY day since she was in town available to her except my Friday nights. Those have been my D&D nights for the past 6 years. She knew this when we were still just talking. Her previous two trips its been the same way. I have given up 5 weeks of pokemon hunting/raiding on my own free will coming home to see her each night. Skipping out on community days and hanging out with my friends except the Friday nights.
With the snow storms hitting lately we were snowed in for 5 days and I did my best to give her a good time watching movies and spending time together. The last two nights Ive come home to her being in a grumpy attitude. I try to talk to her and get one or two word answers. I give her space and let her play on my computer while I sit on the bed with a switch ready to suspend it if she talks to me. Wednesday night she said nothing all night then gets upset at bedtime because "the day didn't go as planned". Last night similar thing but I was able to talk to her for a few minutes. All week Ive offered to drive us to the beach for the weekend if she wants to go and Ive offered to talk time off work next week to spend with her. She doesn't see that. She just sees that the one night a week for my friends is in her way. Yes I hardly see her. No she doesn't have anyone else to spend time with while Im at my friends for 4-5 hours on Friday nights. Yes I offer to invite her.
Is it wrong to want 1 night a week to myself/friends even if she is visiting? We got invited to a friends party this weekend and Ive left it up to her if we go but her main resistance is that a friend (younger then her, older then me) who is recently separated/divorced will be there and things the friend is inviting me to hit on me even though I am not interested in her like that. Im still taking off 3 days next week before she flies out to do what ever she wants but she doesn't have an answer for that.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
ix2FX1EMmnhDh9npACFdfHiHDS3qe38H
|
9xqf4g
|
{
"description": "not giving my ex his stuff back",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not giving my ex his stuff back
|
My ex broke up with me over the phone saying he had lost interest, met someone else, etc. after we had been dating nearly 4 years. We were long distance when he decided to do this one day out of nowhere, and by out of nowhere, I mean he met the person he left for about 4 days before breaking up with me.
We are going to be in our hometown next week, where we live 20 minutes apart. This break up was a little over a month ago. I asked that we meet in person so I can give stuff back, and he can get stuff back. He said no, he cannot see me in person because that would be too hard for him. He told me to mail his stuff back to him.
I don't want to do that, I think it's ridiculous. We are adults who are both very capable of driving and live 20 minutes away from one another, yet he asks me to mail things back all because, from my point of view, he isn't strong enough to see me face to face.
Am I an asshole for saying I will only return his things if it's in person?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
WaxQE4HtsFijAMXjRYFGdaudztgEKkzk
|
afberq
|
{
"description": "denying any connection to religion when my mom forces me to go to church and be christian",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for denying any connection to religion when my mom forces me to go to church and be Christian?
|
Context: Me and my mom's side of the family have always clashed when it comes to faith, and belief, my mother especially.
Since I was about 10 I've always been an atheist and had doubts about the truth of the Bible. I don't try to force them to stop being Christian or anything, I respect it. My mother seems to think that since I'm living under her roof I must go to services and read the Bible and stuff (I'm 16 btw). Whenever she brings up me not believing in God, I always give her valid personal, and scientific reasoning and she boils it back down to faith.
Last week it got pretty ugly when she was trying to get me to open up about my feelings. She wasn't really doing it gently though, and I felt like she was prying a bit, so I told her off. She "explained" To me that I am a child, and since I am living in HER house I must follow HER rules and that I don't need privacy and that I'm ungrateful. She also basically told me that my depression was my fault and that praying would get rid of it. I've become more reclusive since then, and only talk to her when I need to. She's impossible to reason with. AITA?
TL;DR: My mother is extremely religious and forces me attend church services and read the Bible. We had an argument about it last week and I told her off. I haven't talked to her for a while.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
0MCMQYC2y9M4QoMv9mJqjMqDAv5DB2ZV
|
9zet5p
|
{
"description": "not caring about my friend's girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA - For not caring about my friend’s girlfriend?
|
My friend is currently not speaking to me - actually said he wants nothing to do with me anymore and I’m trying to figure out if it was because I was too blunt with my words.
Some background to the lead up to this falling out:
My friend had a girlfriend back in December last year - I’ve never met her. She was actually cheating on her then fiancé with him so it was very hush hush. They had a falling out because her fiancé wouldn’t let her go, he slept with another girl and she got mad and they stopped talking. She eventually broke up with her fiancé and moved away from her home town where my friend also lived.
Anyway about August this year he reached to her and they’ve been talking again. I didn’t know the girl even existed because I met this guy in February this year and he never bought her up until about August when he sent pictures of her dog, and other picture she sent him, onto me. He’s said that’s he’s never stopped loving her. She now apparently moving back to town so they can properly date again.
A week ago he got mad at me because every time he sent me a picture of what she sent him I’d reply with “k cool, or cute, okay sweet” and that’s it. He then accused me of hating the girl because of my “disrespectful responses” which I replied with “I don’t care about her at all, little own hate her”. It was meant as I’m indifferent to her - which I explained directly after my “I don’t care about her” comment.
He then got REALLY mad saying that he doesn’t want someone in his life that doesn’t care about his SO who is a big and important part of his life. He’s now blocked me on Facebook but I’ve tried talking via normal text and whilst it’s “seen” there’s no response...
Am I the asshole? Or is he overreacting about my not caring? I explained straight after it meant as indifference when he accused me of hating her - I have bigger things in life to focus energy on then a girl Ive never met.
But I’m lost as to why the overreaction - or what I think is an overreaction. Outsider insight would be nice! Or maybe I’m just a dick and can’t see it...
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
rAfJa9sfJbXhDR56jM5B25ZY90T6g2sa
|
ahq8eq
|
{
"description": "leading a double life and tricking my family",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for leading a double life and tricking my family
|
Look, I know I'm not, in general, an asshole, but I do feel really conflicted about the way I'm currently doing things in my life.
I'm gay, and I've come out to my parents about 10 years ago. They... didn't take it well. I was forced into church therapy and my parents became emotionally and sometimes physically abusive as the years went by. It was this whole thing that led me down a spiral of depression and suicidal thoughts and it was the darkest period of my life. Until the day I started playing along.
Now my parents and I barely discuss my sexuality at all. They think that the church "cured me". My life feels normal for the first time in god knows how long, they no longer screen my phone or stop me from seeing my friends and I find ways to date without them knowing about (my town has this small town feel where everyone knows everyone's business).
The thing is that the longer I let them believing they are "in the right" and that "i'm cured" more I feel like a sleezebag and an asshole. AITA for letting them believe what they will and not confronting them head on?
P.S. I am currently living with them (my dad is without a job at the moment so I'm helping out and leaving is not an option)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
dZDcmEz4DRSFr8QCC3tDTLumOmj0OrVT
|
b3hq29
|
{
"description": "wanting to hang out with my ex's brother",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for wanting to hang out with my ex's brother?
|
My fiancé and I have been together for three and a half years. About six months before we met, my girlfriend of five years broke up with me out of nowhere. It was a huge shock. I was very close with her family, including her younger brother.
When my fiancé and I first started dating, I cut ties with my ex's family as per her wishes, which I understood. Fast forward to now, and I get a beer with my ex's brother after years of him asking every 6 months or so. We have a lot in common and are legitimate friends. We were supposed to hang out a few days later, which I told my fiancé about. She said she felt weird about it and her behavior completely changed. I realized after three and a half years, her feelings on this hadn't budged. I cancelled plans with my friend, but I don't feel good about it. I kind of get where she's coming from, but he was my friend for 5 years and like a little brother to me. I hate having to cut him out of my life completely, but I also don't want to make my fiancé uncomfortable.
​
As of now, I won't be hanging out with my ex's brother. AITA for wanting to hang out with him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
gr4FZKIShhC9MJXKaeI6e2rlpanEXpj8
|
a1d2ia
|
{
"description": "reporting porn star to CPS and getting their kid taken away",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for reporting porn star to CPS and getting their kid taken away?
|
I feel empathy for every human being but porn stars don’t qualify. There is a pornstar in my neighbourhood and I collected evidence (she also works as an “escort”) and passed it along to CPS earlier this year with concerns that this isn’t the right sort of lifestyle to raise a child on (also I had concerns about her committing substance abuse) I didn’t expect much but I heard through the neighbourhood grapevine recently that they have taken her child away for the moment until a proper investigation is carried out. I feel what I did was the Christian thing. Jesus may have helped fallen women but he certainly didn’t approve of their life choices and neither can I.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 16
}
|
WRONG
|
GBoPFBmCyRdXBX36zBFCPtJos0SQhLtl
|
b7hvsv
|
{
"description": "wanting to officially complain about the wife of a quadriplegic man",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to officially complain about the wife of a quadriplegic man?
|
My fiancé does home care for a quadriplegic guy. The guy has been a quad for about 11 years. The wife has “faithfully” stayed with him through everything but it’s become clear in recent years that she has found a boyfriend who she spends a few months a year with overseas, and in the last couple of years, she’s even been bringing him home to stay under the same roof as her husband. Anyway that’s not the main issue.
This woman is quite passive aggressive towards my partner. On Thursdays he does a “domestic” shift where he is expected to help clean the house. The wife of the quad is a pig. My partner and her husband actually prefer it when she’s away because the place is kept tidy through the week and she isn’t there to trash the place. Being in a full wheelchair, the guy doesn’t make much of a mess. He’s fully aware of what she’s doing with the boyfriend and resents her for it but because of the position he’s in, he feels he can’t divorce her.
When she’s around, she will have full on dinner parties for heaps of people on a Wednesday night because she knows my partner will be there in the morning and will have to do the clean up.
She recently yelled at him because while he was trying to do the washing up and clean the kitchen he accidentally walked in some milk. Milk that she had spilt on the floor and hadn’t said anything about.
She also expects my partner to clean the parts of the house that the quad guy can’t even access, like her own bedroom and upstairs, not just basic cleaning but things like flipping mattresses and even moving furniture around. This was never in the job description when he signed up for the role.
He knows that if he refuses, she will either make his life very difficult at work or he fears he could lose his job. There are a number of carers, but my partner is the one that does the domestic shifts. So he can’t say anything to the company he works for because the wife will know he’s the one who has put in the complaint.
Just last week she announced that she would be coming to our wedding. This is a private wedding on a private property. My fiancé felt like he couldn’t say no to her because of the unspoken threat that she could make life really hard for him at work. He tried to tell her that there were no chairs but she brushed it off saying that she would stand.
AITA for wanting to complain about this? I completely understand that having a husband suddenly go from being completely able bodied to being a full quad must have been absolutely awful but this woman seems to be milking the situation for all it’s worth. Can anyone suggest anything else that could be done about this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
5nH9qmds19D9Y5oSYDVG650zhlvSV8uQ
|
aifm1l
|
{
"description": "not replying to a woman I saw once six months ago",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not replying to a woman I saw once six months ago?
|
Six months ago I (45M) met a woman (34F) on a dating site. We had dinner/drinks and went back to my place and had sex.
We kept trying to set something up to see each other again but I have a demanding job (lots of long hours) and she is the single parent of a special needs kid and so trying to secure childcare for her was tough which I understand. Eventually after about four weeks of trying we both sort of mutually stopped sending messages trying to setup a second date.
Then six months pass. Last week she sent me a text "how are you?" That's all she said after six months of us not sending a peep to each other. I didn't reply because honestly, I am busy with work, I am casually seeing someone else, and I don't have anything to say to her? So I never replied.
Then a day or two later she called, saying she was thinking about me, she'd love to hang out. Again I never contacted her figuring she'd get the hint.
This week I'm getting a ton of texts and voicemails from her, she's blowing up my phone. She's accusing me of "ghosting" her and "using her for sex." We had one date last summer and it was fun, then we never saw each other again. How did I use her or ghost her? Sorry but I don't want to field calls from random women. I assumed she'd get the hint and stop calling me.
Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
Yoz1BCQqzcPaX9GlQDXI9u8GUXC8ZZfG
|
a5lx8z
| null |
AITA Husband's Friends Don't Like Me, Turned on me, Now are trying to influence husband
|
**Background:**
I met my husband John in 2011, we dated for 3 years met each others friends and family. We fell in love early on. I’m a programmer that doesn’t easily trust people, he’s a big tough exec with a big personality but is soft and loving to me. (Full discloser he’s as old as my dad.) This wasn’t my plan but damn he’s hot and we were so happy together I don’t want kids, so we got married in 2015. Everyone was happy.
John had a few long term friends who were former clients. I feel it’s kind of important to point out that his clients are extremely wealthy and no one really says no to them, no one including my husband. I noticed that his friends Tim and Jen didn’t acknowledge me as John true wife, probably because of my age. When we are sitting together they’d invite John to events knowing I would come, they didn’t thank me for house warming gives, they thanked John. Or if something went wrong they would apologize to him but not me. These aren’t a big deal so I didn’t care but I did mention to John they didn't think of me as equal.
**Information Key:**
John = my husband
Tracy = me
Tim and Jen = husband's longtime friends
Mr. Dunn = Jen's ex-husband
More recently they started negating or contradicting any point I tried to make. It was like was obsolete or something. I told John that I didn’t think Tim and Jen liked me and I wanted to bow out of the upcoming trip to Italy but he should go with them. John insisted I come because he loves me and wants me by his side. “Just be yourself” he told me, because "I love you".
So I went. Tim and Jen picked at me the whole time. By the 4th day in Italy I pointed out that they were picking at me constantly. Tim turned to me and said “You’re being really sensitive right now … Do you have many friends?” he went on being really condescending… Telling me he has a hard time relating to me that he wanted me to be different, warmer, funnier, like one of his friends. I was kind of shocked at the questions and comments but went on unfazed. They instantly adjusted their attitude for the rest of the trip and I played nice. It was fine, we landed in the states and I never saw them again.
Now John has seen first hand that they were being really rude to me. Once in a while we would joke to each other “You’re being really sensitive… Do you have many friends?!” LOL Tim and Jen texted and called but John was unresponsive. Then 2 months later on Dec 4th, John fires off an email basically telling them ‘when you hurt my wife, you hurt me.’ Then John stops responding.
[Tim responds angrily with in hours](https://imgur.com/XJcbqe9) on Dec 4th
[Then Time responds again the next day with some ‘retrospect’](https://imgur.com/Jbxhg4r) on Dec 5th
Then [Jen texts John](https://imgur.com/ZmOllYH) on Dec 8th
It really seems like in no uncertain terms they never liked me, were always only friends with John, and are now coyly suggesting John divorce me and be friends with them again?! WTF I never did anything to them. I was always giving, polite and nice.
The thing is John and I really love each other and have no intention of splitting. We have a lot of fun, really understand each other, our love life is great, and we’re happy.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
XXtqrPEdxM7g1uOzXOHzwPJEHk8nUKj3
|
b921nq
| null |
WIBTA if I, one of the bridesmaid, tell the bride she should be involved in planning her bridal shower?
|
My friend was set to get married on may and a week before she was going to have a bridal shower organized by all 4 bridesmaids but because of x and y conflict she will be eloping.
The bridal shower was going to be at most 10 people including bridesmaids. It was going to be one of those lingerie parties paid for and organized by the bridesmaids.
Now because she will be eloping she still wants a bridal shower but with the groom and double the people (25)
At this point I don't feel like it's a bridal shower but a pre-wedding party as she called it at first and at which point the responsability of it spreads to not just the bridesmaids, but her as well
Shes still referring it to a bridal shower but co-ed.
Dont get me wrong, I'm not one to think that pink only belongs to girls and blue to boys, but a co-ed bridal shower just sounds like a party. Ive just googled co-ed showers and none have a shower feel to them, more like just a party.
So basically, she's not going to worry about organizing or paying anything since she's not doing a ceremony but still wants the bridesmaid to do a bridal shower for her and 25 people.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
LtryI8gjVJ3mUDrtqcbZv8G5jLrJDvdX
|
ash64n
|
{
"description": "not warning Tinder dates that I have a kid",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA for not warning Tinder dates that I have a kid?
|
Just like it sounds... I've just started dating again and am giving the apps a try. On the one hand, it's super convenient and I'm obviously glad it's an option. On the other hand, I've run into a bit of a snag in terms of self-presentation, and it's occurred to me that I might've been a bit of an asshole about it.
Anywho, I'm a single dad with a two year old daughter. I didn't quite anticipate this, but it seems like this is a pretty clear disqualification for a significant portion of women. Like, I'm on a date with someone, and we're hitting it off, and I bring up the fact that I've got a kid... and the whole thing very quickly falls apart. I should make it clear that I don't blame women who feel this way one bit; that's totally understandable. But I've gotten the strong impression from a few of them that *not* advertising this fact upfront is kind of a dick move. Like, they feel blindsided and a little angry at me for wasting their time.
Originally it had not occurred to me at all that I should put this info in my bio. Now I'm considering it... but can't figure out a way to do it that doesn't sound either very awkward or like I'm using my daughter to hook women (gross). There is a pic of me and her together, but apparently it's not obvious that she's my daughter. So here's me wondering if this is actually a big deal/asshole move or if I'm just being insecure again. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 13,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 17
}
|
RIGHT
|
vI8kx8GSAAFODKz2gHHA1TXmHzFeVeVT
|
a36ldz
|
{
"description": "asking for an alternative case manager",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA-asking for an alternative case manager
|
WIBTA if i asked for a new caseworker? my company provides nursing case managers to oversee employee access to services through a major health insurance company. because i had a month long hospital stay involving two surgeries and coordination of in home care, i was assigned to one.
initially i found her calls kind of annoying bc of the frequency of them, the length of them, and her refusal to catch my subtle and not so subtle hints i want to get off the phone. i HATE talking on the phone. i have difficulty understanding people sometimes (too many loud shows back in the day) and would much rather email or see someone face to face.
in any event she did help me with a few things of importance, so it was a positive over all.
the caseworker told me she took another job and sure enough one day last week i got a call from a new person. the problem is that i cannot understand what she is saying bc of her accent. i feel like shit about this, especially bc i know in person i would understand her fine, but i’m not in person and the company is out of state so that’s not likely to change.
honestly if it were something less important than my literal life, and was soon to be over, i would just do the best i can and hope for the best, but i have to have two more surgeries in the next 6 months and really do need as many people on my team as i can get, but i don’t feel i understand her over the phone as i found myself saying yes and no to things or “what?” over and over.
WIBTA if i called their main line and asked for a different case manager? i sure feel like one and if potentially impacted her job, even worse. if there’s any feedback on how to approach it with grace and respect i would welcome it. thanks
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
65lWkunF8SMR8JAOTKu4nvQlcAxCbkvk
|
a6bayq
|
{
"description": "wanting to replace a colleague in a working group",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to replace a colleague in a working group?
|
Hello,
Here's the situation: I work at a educational institute. Colleague (let's call this colleague OB) usually teaches "Course A" in field A, but has picked up teaching "Course B" in the same field. Issue is, OB doesn't know anything about the topic in Course B. OB has my students teach her the material for Course B, before she parrots it back to the students in Course B. This happened regularly, to the point it was blatant and I would walk in to one of our higher level students teaching OB parts of a certain model before OB taught it in the next day. OB also actively hunted down other higher level students to teach other material and wasn't shy to tell me about it. This already should be setting off warning alarms in my opinion, but I'm not a course coordinator for that course so I have no say. I also don't want to randomly "out" OB as that will just cause office drama.
Now, the course coordinator has let OB (with some begging/convincing by OB I'm sure) lead a working group in refreshing some materials that's taught in Course B. I'm really uncomfortable with this as I think the course coordinator has no idea all this student teaching to OB has happened since he is not around as often. Also, the working group impacts me as my job is indirectly impacted by the course updating. I have another colleague (C) who knows the material much better than OB but cannot teach it because C hasn't finished her higher level degree yet. I much rather C be at least in the group so she can kind of act as a "check" on OB to make sure that OB isn't doing what OB usually does - faking it.
Am I the asshole if I go to the course coordinator to request C joins the working group (in lieu of me, cause she can be the contact person)? Should I tell the course coordinator the *real* reason for my concern over OB leading the charge? My original plan was just to say C is a good liaison since C knows the field better than me.
Thanks!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
A6GOFrhsIgdbb97WgqvNrujDUQmZzTDL
|
b1vwdz
|
{
"description": "not feeling very comfortable sexting with my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not feeling very comfortable sexting with my boyfriend
|
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for a considerable period and we intend it to be for the long term and are quite committed to each other. I have generally been a reserved person and am not that verbally expressive perhaps. I got over this a few years back when I started being close to people romantically. That included not only emotional expression but expressing sexual desire and wants as well and involved some sexting. Due to a draining relationship in my past where I felt almost objectified with the incessant sexual undertones being taken in every other conversation, I sort of grew weary and tired of it and I stopped. Over time, I've again become uncomfortable with talking about sexual scenarios explicitly. This is just about sexting and not my actual behaviour and level of desire which is quite high. I don't mind such conversations and in fact I love to listen, however I feel unable to contribute too much as I feel as if there is a block and hence I invariably change the topic many times. My boyfriend knows my past experience, and that I feel uncomfortable. But he thinks my behaviour makes him self doubt. He loves the experience of sexting and he feels quite bad about not being able to share it with someone he loves and also he feels as if there's a part of me that he missed out on and others experienced. The lack of equal reciprocation bothers him. He doesn't blame me but he just gets upset and this has happened too many times. He tries to make conversation about something sexual, asks me questions and wants me to react, talk about what I like etc, I do like it but I somehow don't continue with it and then he feels off. It's not like I am reserved in any other way except this sort of expression. I share everything else. So am I the asshole for just being how I am? Is there something wrong with me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Lxbaccn4zySYBzTtzvsSq3sQhj6SRypf
|
b2zk83
|
{
"description": "engaging in conversation about alternative medicine and general 'woo-ism' when all of my housemates disagree",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for engaging in conversation about alternative medicine and general 'woo-ism' when all of my housemates disagree?
|
So let me start by saying that everyone is entitled to their thoughts and opinions and I don't begrudge anybody for what they think.
So recently I've been living with a group of new-age types (we're all late 20s) who often offer eachother medical advice in terms of ayurvedic, spiritual and various other alternative medical ideas. I don't think these ideas are helpful in terms of reality and will often join in the conversation by explaining how experimentation and science works and always cover myself with the knowledge that I don't know everything - they seem to be offended by my mere mentioning of the fact that for example. candida, which most everybody has in their gut, can be treated with anti-fungal cream when causing thrush in the mouth or... you know where - then I further explained that if it was in their blood that it would be a legitimate medical emergency.
This is where the potential assholery comes into play. Last night one of my housemates (the most spiritual one) had a word with me about it, basically saying that although I'm entitled to my opinion, I'm no more right than anybody else and that everybody is getting upset with my "trying to one up them" when from my perspective I'm just (non-aggressively) giving the general scientific medical reason for things and saying to look up peer-reviewed studies and the like to get a less biased view. I've started just asking questions about their superstitions etc to see if I can get them to see the errors in their logic and clearly they've picked up on this as an attack.
So, AITA? Should I just keep my mouth shut and let them reinforce eachother's distrust of science and ignorance of how it works or should I go about it in a different way? If so, what way?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
RIGHT
|
2odeIijAVutWNW0JrhXznS6FfYPDKFxT
|
aw7xvr
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my bf",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my bf?
|
(I am 17f and my bf is 18m)
My boyfriend and I have been dating for a year and a half, and are very close-- at least I thought.
He's on a two-week school trip right now to Africa, and conveniently forgot to mention that his parents bought a house across the city a few months ago, have been refurbishing it since then, and are planning to move there in July. I only found out because my mom had breakfast with his mom and she mentioned it.
I think he didn't mention it to me because he is a little ashamed about his wealth, and doesn't want to make me jealous or something. But I think I have the right to know about this since it's a major life event for him. AITA for wanting to confront him about this / getting mad?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
tOhFGVMgj7KaaIjzkXD6WLPWV3ps6XF3
|
b4tm8u
|
{
"description": "not disclosing my (kind of) oral herpes with my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 34
}
|
AITA for not disclosing my (kind of) oral herpes with my boyfriend?
|
This is a throwaway account because reasons. On mobile so sorry for formatting if it’s an issue.
About 3 years ago, I was diagnosed with HSV1, or ‘oral’ herpes.
The fun thing thing about herpes is that there are two types and you can get either HSV1 (oral) or HSV2 (genitals) but you can get either type on either your mouth or on your genitals. Each type is more commonly found on the respective body parts, but it’s possible to have oral herpes on your genitals and genital herpes on your mouth.
My question is because I have oral herpes, but on my genitals.
I haven’t told my boyfriend about my condition. My reasoning is that if I had oral herpes on my mouth, I wouldn’t bother sitting him down for a big chat about it. It’s such a common condition and there’s no stigma for people with oral herpes on their mouths. I know some of those people do disclose with their partners before kissing them etc, but I find that unecessary.
My doctor told me that because I have HSV1 on my genitals and not HSV2, the risk of transmission to my boyfriends genitals are even lower than normal. Oral herpes doesn’t spread to the genitals as easily as genital herpes does.
I never sleep with my boyfriend when I’m having an outbreak. I would have told him if I were diagnosed with HSV2 on my genitals, or my mouth cos I go down on him.
I hope that makes sense - and my question is Am I An Asshole for not telling him?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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au4b7c
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{
"description": "sitting next to someone in a university lecture",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for sitting next to someone in a university lecture?
|
So I've been taking a night class this semester and I've been finding it hard to make friends. Mostly because everyone is scattered around the lecture hall (it's not a very big class) and the class itself isn't very conducive to discussion.
The other day I decided to sit next to someone who looked nice enough and strike up a conversation. She responded but seemed kind of uncomfortable. I stopped but I still sat next to her (too late to move at that point).
I know it's an "unspoken rule" or whatever to not sit right next to people in a lecture hall that isn't full, but I can't really chat with someone sitting multiple seats down without yelling. AITA for sitting next to her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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abqirq
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{
"description": "being frustrated with my fiance's and my sex life",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being frustrated with my fiance's and my sex life
|
First of all, this is long so thank you to anyone who takes the time to read it.
My fiance and I have been in a relationship for about 3 years now and our relationship is truly a dream. We're best friends, never argue, always caring towards each other and finding entertainment in the boring moments in life, and have lots of similar interests. But, sexually, I find our relationship very lacking.
For some background, I'm your typical late 20's dude. I have a pretty strong sex drive, but nothing crazy. I'm perfectly fine going days, and even weeks without us having sex. But eventually, it takes it's toll. She, mid 20's, by comparison, has an extremely low sex drive.
We've talked about her lack of a sex drive, and she blames it on her birth control, which I suggested her looking into other methods but it didn't seem to interest her at all.
The main issues are :
1) She NEVER initiates sexual activity. If anything happens, I start it. I have experimented before and decided not to initiate any of that activity to see how long it would take her, and after 3 weeks I gave in.
2) She never does anything but standard sex, ie; vaginal penetration. In the 3 years we've been together I've gotten maybe 5 blowjobs. That's to completion. Occasionally during foreplay, when that happens, she will perform oral for maybe a minute or less before moving on.
When we do have sex, it's great, and she enjoys it, but it's like it's something that is not important to her at all and she forgets it's even a thing.
So yes I know, talk to her, but like I said this isn't a very easy subject to talk about because we are both pretty awkward about it, especially her. (she had only been with one other partner when we started dating, and had never given oral before)
So I started writing her emails when we are working in our offices because it's an easier way for us to talk about this kinda stuff without the awkward face to face. G
Every few months when I get really sexually frustrated, I'll write one of these long emails and explain things to her. I've explained to her that oral is something I really enjoy, and that I would like her to initiate things sometimes as well because if I'm the only one doing it it makes me feel like she doesn't really want it.
I've asked her what it is she doesn't enjoy about doing it, and if there's anything I can do to make it more enjoyable for her, and of course always return the favor.
Whenever this happens, she'll write back explaining she understands and will try to do that more and so on, and usually that night she will and for a day or two after she'll make more of an effort, but then it starts over again, and it's like I never wrote anything.
Then a few months later when I finally can't take it, I'll write again and the cycle starts over.
Of those 5 full blowjobs I've gotten, only two of them were spontaneous acts and not the direct response to me saying something, which makes me feel like I'm forcing her to do something she doesn't want to do.
When I ask her what she doesn't like about it, she seemed very honest when she said she doesn't mind doing it at all and there's no reason she isn't doing it other than she, "doesn't know if I want her to do it or not" or "doesn't know if I'm in the mood." To which I told her, "I'm always in the mood for that, just do it."
But still nothing. I feel awful having such a problem with this part of our relationship because everything else is so good, but it is very frustrating to tell her something over and over, albeit through email, just for nothing to change.
Possibly even more frustrating is that she will tease me quite often, such as talk about doing oral while we're doing something where that isn't an option (in a restaurant, etc), or say something similar in a flirty way, or make jokes about doing something naughty, but then nothing comes of it which really kicks the disappointment up a notch.
For instance, tonight, as we were lying on the couch she pulled down my shorts and kissed my thigh and then touched me for a minute, before pulling my shorts back up. So then I started cuddling with her, now in the mood, and then right when I start to touch her breasts she decides she needs to clean up the dishes from dinner. It was in a very casual way, not like a sassy tease or that she didn't want to do anything, just that was on her mind at the time and not sex. This happens a lot. Again, it sounds like she's avoiding sex, but it's just that sex is the lowest thing on her priority list.
I do my absolute best to always make her feel sexy and confident. She tells me the same and is always complimenting me unsolicited, but her actions make me feel very unsexy.
When she asked me what I wanted for Christmas, I told her, "a blowjob." She laughed and asked me what I really wanted to which I repeated that. She then said, "That's not a present, you can get that anytime, what do you want for real," I got frustrated at that because no that is not something I can get at anytime without bluntly saying "Do this", and for me that is not sexy forcing someone you love to do something they potentially don't want to do.
So I'm not sure where to go from here and if I'm in the wrong for even feeling this way.
And before anyone says, "Oh, she's probably cheating." Or anything like that, trust me that's not it. We are best friends, and we both work from home, we are with each other almost 24/7 and there are zero red flags in that area. (I've been cheated on before, and she has been like this the entire time we've been together)
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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aivq05
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{
"description": "forgetting to bring my mom pizza",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for forgetting to bring my mom pizza?
|
Are we the assholes?
Today I was downtown with a friend, and him, me, and my dad decided to get wings together. My mom wasn’t with us, and doesn’t like to go out for dinner. We said we’d bring her pizza from the wing place, and after her saying we could eat out, we did. My dad was paying and ordering (we’re broke teenagers), and we were having such a good time that it totally slipped our minds to get her some pizza. We went home to watch a movie and apologized to her, saying that it was just a mistake, and offering to make her something for dinner. She just brushed it off and went to bed.
Later I went up to go sleep myself and I told her goodnight, and that I loved her. She didn’t respond, so I said it again. No response again. I said it again, louder, since the heat in her room can be loud at times and I was sure she just couldn’t hear me. She just started yelling at me, and then went downstairs to yell at my dad. Are we really the assholes for forgetting to do something stupid?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
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ac6lsk
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{
"description": "firing my brother",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for firing my brother?
|
\[Apologies for the length, writing this turned out to be somewhat cathartic for me\]
I am a senior manager at a moderately well-known software firm in the Bay Area. A few years ago, I made a fateful decision to hire my wife’s younger brother (I will call him Jim, because every Jim I’ve ever known has been awesome) after he approached me offering to work as a systems administrator. This was under the pretext that while he was doing well in his current company, he lacked growth opportunities and was seeking a change. By this point, Jim and I were best friends, we shared common interests and views, I was even best man at his wedding. I knew that he was more than skilled enough to handle the role so I gave him the job.
Things went pretty well for about a year, Jim helped on various projects and got along well-enough with everyone, but after a while things began to change. Jim would frequently miss work for various reasons, projects and commitments began to slip and overall results were getting worse and worse. I counseled Jim on multiple occasions trying to turn the behavior around and each time he would acknowledge the issue, and commit to correcting it. Unfortunately things only got worse, he began not showing up for work more regularly, often times without providing any notice of his absence which left project stakeholders asking me “Where’s Jim” pretty regularly.
This peaked about 10 months after the problems began when Jim just went AWOL for an entire week - no warning, no phone call - just didn’t show up and didn’t answer calls. While I was initially worried for his safety, I found out through a mutual friend that he just wasn’t feeling well and couldn’t make it to work or even manage to contact us. When Jim returned to work the next week, I sat him down and put him on a formal performance plan under the direction of our department’s executive leadership and the company’s HR department. The plan was simply “show up on time, or contact us before your scheduled start time if you will not be showing up” with all of the standard HR speak about “failure to comply will lead to further disciplinary action, including termination of employment”.
This seemed to correct the behavior for about three weeks, Jim was on time and working hard every day. Then on Monday of the fourth week, Jim just didn’t show up in the morning. My boss asked me what I planned to do and I said that I would find out if there was a reasonable explanation and make a determination based on that. When Jim appeared at the office around midday he said that he was sorry and that he had tried to send an E-mail the night before but the message got stuck in his phone’s outbox (Did I mention part of Jim’s role at the company was management of the E-mail systems…). Given the improvement I had seen in the past three weeks I asked my boss to let this slide as an honest mistake. Thursday of the same week rolled around, and there was no Jim to be found in the morning. Jim arrived again around midday with the excuse that his phone’s battery ran down and he missed his alarm. This was it, my boss asked me again what I planned to do and I immediately got with HR to begin an exit plan.
Even through this, I tried to get Jim everything I could to soften the blow. I got him six weeks severance, and the ability to publicly resign so save face. John accepted the offer and left.
This is where things get a little weird.
Jim seems to have lost his mind as a result, or was perhaps losing his mind already and I just noticed the results as poor work performance and lack of professionalism. Jim immediately took to trashing my character to anyone who would listen to him. He told family, and mutual friends alike that I had fired him with no warning and without reason, he said that it was some “cold, calculated career move” with a goal of making me more money (I never understood how this was supposed to work). He even tried to convince my wife (his sister) of this crazy story and when she told him that she was fully aware of the issues he’d been causing at work Jim completely shut her out of his life and refused to talk to her again.
This continued on for a few years. My wife was furious at her brother and said she didn’t care to speak to him again, though I sensed she was also very sad about it. After some time though, I felt guilty that my wife lost her brother over this insanity and tried to find some way to at least get her back in contact with him. I found an ally in a mutual friend and after lots of effort managed to arrange a meeting for Jim, his wife, my wife and myself where I hoped we could finally bridge the gap.
That meeting eventually turned into one of the strangest social interactions of my life. After the initial small-talk was dispatched with we got to the matter at hand. Jim said that he was willing to just put everything in the past and move on like nothing ever happened as long as we never mentioned it again. Oh and this time he would totally not just shut his sister out for no reason at all. This did not satisfy my wife though and so we pressed a bit for some kind of explanation or acknowledgment of what happened. Anytime we would try to bring up any aspects of what happened, Jim’s behavior was bizarre - he would bury his face into his hands, he would gasp or groan like we were causing him physical pain, and when he could manage he would start to cry. Jim said that because he had been through a tough childhood, that he couldn’t talk about things that happened in his past at all because it just brought up to much other painful stuff from his past. His wife was very convinced by his display, patting him and rubbing his back to comfort him.
While it’s true that his childhood was tough as a result of an abusive narcissistic mother, that had absolutely nothing to do with what we were there to discuss. It also completely ignores the fact that my wife was in the same situation, arguably worse as the older sister. This whole theatrical display pissed my wife off something serious, she said that he was just blaming their (admittedly awful) mother for his failings and using their childhood as a shield from any responsibility. She said that if he can’t ever talk about or reflect on his past then it sounded like he could never be responsible for anything he ever did wrong and that people like that are dangerous like their mother. We have children now and my wife is determined to keep them away from her mother, and she now sees to much parallel in her brother’s behavior to risk staying in contact with him too.
So here I am /r/AmITheAsshole my wife has penned a farewell letter to her brother asking that he never again tries to contact her for any reason. I managed to convince her to not send that letter during the holidays, but that time has now passed and she is still resolved. I don’t know what else I could have done, but I feel guilty that my hiring Jim caused my wife to lose her brother. AITA?
​
**TL;DR**: I hired my wife’s brother Jim. Jim turned into a flake on the job. I fired Jim. Jim lost his mind. Jim wouldn’t speak to us for years. I Tried to reconcile. Jim contracted “past-itis”. My wife never wants to speak to Jim again. I feel like TA.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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lthB5e6ug7Utvc9VGOQq3EnJI38seOo7
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ags9w0
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{
"description": "calling out my friend for being a narc and their girlfriend not getting the mental help she needs and their overall questionable behavior",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for calling out my friend for being a narc and their girlfriend not getting the mental help she needs and their overall questionable behavior?
|
So hey y’all I have a story for you! So recently me and my friends in our group chat have had drama of sorts and over all it’s really annoying. I’m really bad at formatting my thoughts so excuse the run on sentences lol. Anyway, so the other day me and my friends started talking about pyromaniacs for some reason and I mentioned how basically Codey (the main guy I’m talking about) described Michael Baye. But he retorted in quote “Um actually that’s a pyrotechnic, you might wanna look that up” which sorry I guess.. this has actually happened before when we talk about other subjects. Whenever me or other people in the chat talk about a game or comic he always says that he is the only TRUE fan of the subject (mind you true fans don’t really exist, like for example you can be a fan of a band and only like one or two of their songs). Like one time we where going to draw our Pokémon teams (because this chat is an art chat even though we never post art lol) and there was a rule for no legendary Pokémon, and then he says “What about Mystic Pokemon?” I say “Well they are technically legendary if they aren’t commonly found, so I would say no.” And after that the man goes on a rant on how they don’t count as legendarys and holy shit it was annoying to read. Luckily my friend Elizabeth (the saint she is) said it was alright just so he could have a challenge because tbh he isn’t the best at art.. So back to the pyromaniac thing after we talked about it a bit he said “True I guess that’s the same thing.” I was kinda ticked of and tired so I typed “I was about to go on a small rant on how much of a narc you can be sometimes but I’ll drop it.” And right after I sent that he said “ Excuse me, narcissistic?? I care about few people in this world, and sometimes I'm not one of those” so him wanting to continue the conversation I said quote “Im just saying you get on your high horse thinking your smarter than everyone else, but then when we retort with you have no comeback (at least one that’s not a curse word) And you also take things to seriously too, like when we talk about some game or some shit you think you know everything and believe me it gets annoying, when I think about it your like a Gray( his gf) 2.0 with less triggers and swearing, Jesus like dude get a life man.” Which thinking back on it it was kinda mean but I said what I wanted to say and even the people in the group (besides Codey) said we should probably just chill out, I said I was signing off and going to bed(and yeah I kinda only said those things because was tired) and when I wake up this is what I’m greeted to from Codey “Hey,let me kick you where it'll fucking hurt, At least I still have parents to love me.” Mind you my parents are dead.. so for me calling him a narc and his girlfriend annoying I have my dead parents brought up to make him look better??? And the people who where in the chat at the time where like “Dude like that was hella unnecessary and a total low blow.” And he just ignored them and kept going on on going saying “Look, I'm not as sorry as I probably should be, but when you decide to pick on someone you know damn well can't help their problems (Gray), then who's being a complete shit bag, she goes to me for shit you guys don’t even help her with. Which man I understand you wanna help and defend your girlfriend but dude like not my fault she has some mental issues that are seriously not being taken cared of properly and sorry I sometimes joke about your untouchable goddess that you yourself think you can save and take care of yourself with no mental medical experience. Look I have know his gf way WAY longer than he has and since they got together I have seen some regression in her, she now has ticks and triggers that she has never had before and I can’t talk to her without triggering her about something like I’m not saying it’s his fault but when two people with problems and issues it can become toxic and I don’t want that for either of them really. So know it feels so awkward talking to either of them because both him and his gf (who even isn’t in he chat btw because of a kinda unrelated story) think I’m an asshole just for stating my opinion on their character, am I though because I feel guilty from what I said.. The other peeps in the chat say I was in the right but could have been handled better, Idk I just what your opinion.
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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n7ckKgvEWjYIDmSTHC6hcFEMrprnXh0L
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acci3e
|
{
"description": "giving my boyfriend an ultimatum to stand by my side after an abortion",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for giving my boyfriend an ultimatum to stand by my side after an abortion?
|
Found out that I (24f) was pregnant after a perfect relationship with a great man (31) a few weeks ago. We were really great together and had everything going for us; it really feels like i met my soulmate 8 months ago. EVERYTHING changed the minute we found out I was pregnant. We did not plan this pregnancy; something went wrong with bc. He has a carrier and I have a job, but we have seperate houses and I really would like to get married before moving in together. Also, very important, I used drugs while being pregnant (unknowingly); I do not live a healthy lifestyle and so is he.
At first we were shocked and we decided to make an appointment for an ultrasound at the clinic. This story could go on and on; because everything you can imagine going wrong in the process, did go wrong. I won't bother you guys with all of that but imagine the clusterfuck of a liftetime which really, really traumatised the both of us. We are both deeply hurt. We told our familly and close friends about the situation.
​
After a week I changed my mind; I wanted to keep the baby. We had A LOT of arguments and I know I was not very reasonable, hormonal... I was a downright bitch, I'm not proud of my behaviour. He was scared and stoic; would not look further than his own opinions and would not listen to my arguments. I got the abortion pills and wanted time to clear my mind. He did not like that. I told him it was against my will, but; I took the first pill (with a lot of drama). I felt horrible and could not do anything for days. I was insecure and his (fulltime) care, felt like pity. It was a caregiver-patient relationship and not a loving one as we used to have.
I told him that I needed confirmation for his love for me. He told me he knew nothing right now, that his love for me changed over the last two weeks and that he could not choose for me. He was afraid I would keep the baby against his will, although I said, every moment possible, that I see it as a joined decision.
I gave him an ultimatum; to tell me the following morning that he would stand by me and go for it together in the future. But instead; he dropped me off at home with all my belongings and told me that when I had such high demands, he didn't want to be with me.
So, now I'm sitting here alone crying while bleeding in my appartment for the loss of the baby, my man and the awesome life we've lived together.
​
AITA for giving my boyfriend an ultimatum?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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WRONG
|
0c2bbZ0ZgrqJ5xaar1UG2tgR0mHue0lq
|
apip84
|
{
"description": "racking the weights the guy next to me was using repeatedly",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For racking the weights the guy next to me was using repeatedly
|
So he was doing curls with like 15-25s and actually flexing in the mirror after every set. But he was putting his weights on the top rack on top of other dumbbells and it kept being the weights I needed so every time I went to grab my weight there was another set of dumbbells on top of them, so I kept picking them up and putting them back in their place in the rack rather than in front of the guy. It got kind of tense and I could tell everyone around noticed and thought it was funny and on my side. Nothing happened from there but now I’m wondering did I like.... bully this dude? For the record, the 15-25s for curls is not to say he was small, he definitely has been going to the gym a while but was just doing this weirdly easy workout and just ‘mirin himself
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
Je6GprZtX8ftqQ1Mxkel0kUJfsF50khz
|
al48ra
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my friend over a picture",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
Aita for getting mad at my friend over a picture?
|
Tlde at bottom
Okay, ill tell a little bit of back story. We've been friends for a long time, around 6 years i think. We have a group of friends who are all weirdos, so we like to fuck around a lot. This particular friend, lets call him John, took my other friend his phone (it was unlocked). He pointed it at me so i made a "funny" face. And i mean a really really freaking dumb face. He showed it to me(it was on snapchat) and started clicking on people. For the people that dont know how snapchat works: you make a picture, select people and then send it to the selected people, the picture isn't saved unless you screenshot it (you get messaged when someone screenshots it). He selected ALL the people on my friends phone. That is not 5 or 10 people, he send it to i guess 50 people. Mind that this is a very awkward picture of me. He send this to a lot of people i know, dont know or barely know. I thought he selected it for fun but wouldn't do it. I made it very! clear i didnt wanted him to send the picture. Picture was send, i felt shit all day. That was around a week ago. Then today, i forgot about what had happened. When I suddenly get a message from the group chat with my 4 best friends. Its that picture of me, i told John not to send. This time i got pretty angry, told him to piss off and that it isn't funny. Aita here for getting mad at him?
Tldr; got really mad at a friend for sending a really emberassing picture of me to atleast 50 people.
Sorry if there are any grammar or spelling mistakes. I'm on my phone and am not a native speaker.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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qyyflZRWcjSzlHEsVUfFRwlyFykiA1O0
|
ap8epp
|
{
"description": "skipping the queue to use the contactless only checkout that everyone was ignoring",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for skipping the queue to use the contactless only checkout that everyone was ignoring?
|
I was in the supermarket the other day, waiting in line at the self service checkout. I had been there a minute or two when I noticed one of the checkouts was being ignored/overlooked by everyone else in the queue in front of me - I assumed it was because it was contactless only. I looked at the people in front of me in the queue - there were 3 or 4 of them, and they all had full enough baskets, or were buying expensive enough items, that I was fairly confident they wouldn't be able to pay by contactless because of the £30 limit. I then asked "Is anyone planning on using the contactless checkout?" There were various negative grunts, and the guy at the front of the queue said to go for it - so I did.
I was there for all of 5 seconds before a woman called out at me in a venomous voice saying "Excuse me, people are waiting!?". I stammered a little, and said that no one had gone to this checkout for a minute or two, I assumed because of the contactless payment requirement. (Also, for the record, I'm about 95% sure this lady wasn't in front of me in the queue, I had no idea where she came from). She then told me "Well I was heading there actually". I immedietly apologised and offered to step aside - I hadn't yet scanned my one item, so there wouldn't have been any problem if she had wanted to use the checkout. She then got a little quieter (she had been talking loudly and sharply before) and told me to go ahead - I asked if she was sure, and when she confirmed it I did just that.
So, was I the asshole for skipping 3 or 4 people in the queue to get to the checkout with special requirements everyone was overlooking? Writing it out and remembering the facts I feel like I wasn't, but I'm not sure, and was a little taken aback by the confrontational way I was called out - so I thought I'd check with you lovely people!
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
aDm8TVivSH5Ohm2ppdFNjApuWpa51fGn
|
ax58kj
|
{
"description": "cutting all co tact with my mother",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting all co tact with my mother?
|
Hello everyone! So for the last year or so I have completely cut off all contact with my mother and step-father.
For a long time my mother was actually my inspiration of independence, strong will and a model of free thinking, in about 2009 she married a man who we will refer to as SF for Step-Father. SF is undoubtedly in my opinion a horrid person. I know this may seem bias, which is why I'm here.
About a year ago I was asked to babysit my half brothers overnight, which isn't a big deal at all. They're wonderful kids and being on the spectrum as well, I relate to them very well (bless their hearts). When came time the next day came for them to be picked up, I had been told they might be a half hour or so late, no big deal. Well over 2 hours pass, and I have work in less than an hour. I ask if they'd be able to make it before I needed to leave, and from here I will give the texts that ensued: M is mother, SF is Step father, U is uncle and Me is Me
Me: Hey guys, so I do have leave for work in about 20 minutes or so. Will you guys be able to make it by then?
SF (and me assuming this is my mother texting): ToxicWaste, you're grown up, put on your big boy pants and figure it out, we're not going to hold your hand.
Me: Wow, mom. I do have a job to go to. I want to figure this out but I'm not just going to drop them off wherever.
SF: this is SF and you will not disrespect your mother like this or I will come give you something to respect if I have to get it out of you. Now figure it out and stop being a little shit.
Me: SF, do not threaten me like that, or the police will be the ones I call.
I called my uncle who was more than happy to come get them. The incident seemed to have blown over until I got a text from my mom that night.
M: You really need to apologize for SF for what you said to him, we aren't going to pay you until you do. That was disrespectful.
Me: I was trying to figure out a plan, I couldn't have been as late as I heard you were (around 3 hours after texting me). I won't apologize for calling SF out on acting like a child and threatening me AGAIN.
M: you know SF has problems and you don't make them any better by acting like that.
Me: Bull, I have dealt with his issues for years and been told its everyone's fault but his, and I'm tired of you standing up for this, especially when he threatened me.
M: You're being immature, text me when you're not so angry then and we can talk about you apologizing.
Me: I'm sorry mom but I'm not apologizing for being threatened by a grown man, and if that's how you want this resolved, then I'm done, do not contact me further.
Ever since this incident I've received countless voicemails from my mother telling me that it's my fault our relationship fell apart, that my little brothers are suffering from not seeing me as well as my mother telling me that her recent mental depression is solely due to me cutting her out. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
L9SZ13HIery8xpzPmjxiksAnjIu1n0Fr
|
a7duiz
| null |
AITA for leaving?
|
Disclaimer: LTL FTP. On mobile. this is my friend’s story she asked me to post it to get your opinions from here on out it’s her words. Please remove if it breaks the rules.
I was having problems at home (living with family) and my friend and her husband offered me a place to stay with them since she was starting work and needed someone to watch their kids because there was a two hour gap from 5-7 where there schedules over lapped. I was only supposed to be up there on the days that both of them worked. I wasn't getting paid for watching their kids, and I went from driving 30 minutes to an hour to work everyday.
For the first few weeks it was great But I slowly realized how bad my depression was getting especially since I wasn't able to see my friends or family when I wanted because my life started revolving around their schedule and I never knew their off days.
For awhile I was driving him to work and she was taking my car to work. I was helping out with making sure the kids got what they needed. Then they started asking me to help out with rent and bills even though I didn't have a room and was on an air mattress in the living room.
I had to ask before anyone could come over. normally the answer was no.
Then I spent a weekend at home and I decided I wanted to move home and told her at the start of the following week. I hadn't moved out because I wanted them to have time to find a replacement sitter but they were not looking for one.
Then her husband spent almost 800 on a video game for his phone and she didn't have the money to pay rent and I told her to let me know how short and I could see what I could do. And when I didn't have the money she acted like I told her I would give it to her.
Then her husband quit his job without warning and I wasn't needed so I started sleeping at home. I texted her a few days later and told her I was gonna be coming by to pick up my stuff and she flipped out and said she felt like I was abandoning her because we have barley talked since I said I wanted to move home and with out warning was coming to get my stuff and she didn't wanna argue because she wasn't ok.
I ended up going to get my stuff with a friend and did it while she was at work to avoid a fight, and hasn't answered me since I picked up my stuff.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
W1bjlqoBGUEXnoJcYWZcLB5dmtiXIG2d
|
ananfx
|
{
"description": "being pissed at my boyfriend for being clumsy",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being pissed at my boyfriend for being clumsy??
|
Hey y’all! I have a great boyfriend, super kind and considerate and funny - basically the whole package! Except for one thing: he is clumsy as fuck. He is constantly dropping/ spilling/ breaking things to the point where its starting to really bug me. He has broken several of my own things, usually with no apologies (although I think this is due to his own frustration/embarrassment rather than actually not being sorry) and spills drinks constantly. Our fridge has several pen holders on top and on the doors and he is constantly knocking them off, while neither myself nor our roommate has ever done it. He knocked one of my picture frames off the wall and completely ruined it, and then bought me a new one and knocked that one off too. He is also just kind of messy and careless about everything like cooking and such. I just feel like he could be more careful if he tried, but he just doesn’t care or see an issue. Would it be mean to bring this up or is it something people cant control even if they try? I love him but its driving me bonkers after two years and I cant imagine spending the rest of my life like this but I also feel like its silly and kind of petty... help me out!!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
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