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5ErT7zB7ITBjcUGjiElmvisWVPGxA7vF
|
atrxg3
|
{
"description": "being pissed at my husband",
"pronormative_score": 44,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being pissed at my husband?
|
My husband is an introvert- he struggles to make friends easily and gets upset when the friends he does make dont invite him to things.
He recently joined a DND group and has a blast playing with them.
I want him to have friends, but its starting to frusturate me. Every weekend he goes over there, gets massively drunk and ends up staying the night with his buddy.
Leaving me home, alone, to put baby to bed and then take care of baby solo until hubby decides to come home at 11 or so the next morning.
Then that entire day and the next he is tired and grouchy and taking naps any opportunity he can because he is hungover and stayed up until 7 am playing games.
I am starting to get really pissed about this whole situation. I wouldnt mind him going once a month and doing this, hell, even every other week would be tolerable. But every single weekend is getting to be a but much.
Am I an asshole for being annoyed at his fun though?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 41,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 44,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
y0zo84B3GcqNtlkZ4diGOa025hEo5EE8
|
a6uynt
|
{
"description": "not wanting to meet my girlfriend's father who molested her",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to meet my girlfriend's father who molested her
|
My gf (24F) recently admitted to herself that her father molested her when she was young. So far I'm the only one she's told. Her parents are divorced but her and her 3 older sisters all still have a relationship with him. I'm trying to support her and help her find therapy and start the healing process. I haven't met him but she wants me to meet him when I visit her family over Christmas. Her biggest fear with telling me was that it would "affect the way I see him when I meet him" I don't want to see him. He's a child molesting piece of shit. I haven't told her I never want to interact with him. Am I an asshole if I refuse to meet him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
UOJLlLbLPdwaBbGDbVgFR5LrE4V9w7BC
|
anp1kk
|
{
"description": "insisting to my friends that when we split for something that they should pay me back asap even on amounts under $10 rather than waiting for them to shout me back or for me to 'let it slide'",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For insisting to my friends that when we split for something that they should pay me back asap even on amounts under $10 rather than waiting for them to shout me back or for me to 'let it slide'
|
Sometimes some of my friends have called me out for being 'stingy' at times for wanting them to pay me back for things such as an Uber or a round of drinks as soon as they can. My reasoning is that I want them to pay me back before we forget about it and thus why I'd prefer it asap. I'm only 19 and thus for me money in small amounts is still quite important as I've only recently acquired a job. After saying this I get told sometimes that they'll just pay me back for something in the future (which hardly ever happens) or that it's only $5 or so and they'll pay me back later (which seldom happens either). Finally I must add that me and my group of friends all use this app which allows for very easy and instant bank transfers between us, so transfering $100 or $1 between ourselves is not at all a differcult task.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
S4b9kyXD24n0AlB6E62nJc02kv9oPd1c
|
audg3f
|
{
"description": "being unable to finish an important school project when there's too many other things going on in my life",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being unable to finish an important school project when there's too many other things going on in my life?
|
So basically, I have this school project that everyone in my TAG (Talented and Gifted) class has been working on for months. It's a horribly time consuming, difficult assignment that students dread every year. I had been doing fine on it up until one day, I had just gotten out my laptop to do some research on my topic for the project when I was unexpectedly called to the office. When I arrived, my dad was waiting for me to tell me that my grandpa had passed away. It was a shock. I knew he was sick, but the last time I had spoken to him, a few days prior, he seemed like he was finally coming back around. My dad took me home and I went to my bedroom and cried.
​
I had missed a lot of school, both for grief and for traveling out of state for the funeral, and later to collect my inheritance. When I finally did come back, my TAG teacher offered her condolences, then proceeded to chew me out for being so behind. I live smack dab in the middle of the midwest, and as many know, we've had horrible winter storms and had many days of school cancelled. She told me I should have used the snow days to catch up on my work. I try to explain that I wasn't even at my home for most of the days, I was in a hotel 400 miles away without access to my project. She wasn't having any of it. I finally just apologized for my incompetence and continued with my work.
​
I also had several tests, homework assignments, and projects for my French, Science, and Health classes that I had missed, and I was getting pretty stressed out about it all. I had also been having some relationship issues at the time that had been an added factor to the overwhelming mountain of anxiety I was feeling. On top of it all, my depression (which I thought I had finally been getting over) was coming back full force.
​
Every day I would go to school, go to class, get lectured my both my TAG and French teachers, then I'd come home to get yelled at by my parents and ridiculed my older brothers. I couldn't go to my boyfriend because of the rough patch we had been hitting in our relationship. All of my friends had been occupied by other pressing matters, and I was so upset that every time I attempted to work on the project I'd break down in tears. I try to explain, but all people think is "Oh, she's just lazy." or "Oh she's just not smart enough for that class.". My parents mock me for being unable to complete the "easy" assignment I've been given. The project is due tomorrow. My family and teachers think I'm a lazy asshole who can't get work done, and I think they're assholes for pushing me to the point that I'm at now.
​
But this just begs the question, who IS the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
KiMTKb9Q2apt0Mgl4Sese7K4Hbbk6IS4
|
b36a75
|
{
"description": "not liking my newborn(2weeks) niece",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not liking my newborn(2weeks) niece
|
My wife has just one sister, and she just had a baby girl 2 weeks ago. The thing is when I met her i didn't feel the "natural emotion" i should have felt, they asked me to hold her in my arms and i did, but just to be polite with them, cause i didn't want to.
Since she got pregnant every family reunion was all about her and the baby, my wife and I don't have babies yet, and i thought my feelings were somehow jealousness, but i realized they weren't. As i said, it has been the baby since the day she got pregnant, and also her job and how she had to adapt to it with the pregnancy and stuf. When we were there with my wife's parents, they asked her about her job, the house etc. But every time my sister in law was around she took all the atention and our lives simply didn't matter to them.
The fact that caused this feeling to increase was one day when we were talking about other people's babies and my wife mentioned: "it doesn't matter, i will have mine soon to care about"(refering to our niece) but my sister in law look at her with envy or anger (i saw it in her eyes) and asked my wife: "You mean my baby right?" And she answered: "yeah of course" and she looked at her husband and whispered to him "you better".
I heard her and made me feel like she is competing with my wife and if/when we have our own baby she will feel that ours will steal attention from hers, to the point that she wouldn't like us to have a baby soon, despite all the dificulties we have had.
I haven't mentioned anything to my wife, so when she tells me something about the baby i just say that's cool and change the subject.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
LsIHeod4g7AuTNfgvvEIIVrcKMn3FLM3
|
ag4wuj
|
{
"description": "ghosting someone after a year",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for ghosting someone after a year
|
I (M23) met her (F20) over Tinder over a year ago. We went out on a few Tinder-dates. I didn't see her as relationship material and told her this. We were on the same page for what we were. We remained friends and hooked up a few times.
​
We were both shy, her more than me, but we were still able to communicate fine. Recently however, I've felt like I'm the only one starting and maintaining the conversation. About 80% of her messages would be "hey", "yes", "no", "haha", "maybe", or just same vague emoji of a girl shrugging her arms.
Now by no means am I a professional conversationalist, but I seriously doubt I was boring enough to justify the lack of effort on her part. This one-word answer thing would happen with every conversation, including WoW (I didn't play, she plays a lot), sex, jobs, day-to-day life, League of Legends (we both played), and pretty much every other thing we talked about.
​
This one-sided conversation thing continued on for a few months. I've basically given up trying to talk to her or even maintain this friendship.
​
Eventually I got fed up and just unfriended her on Snapchat, League of Legends, Battlenet and Facebook. Today she messaged me - 3 days after I had unfriended her - asking why she can't see me on League. I didn't bother responding.
​
I feel that by just ghosting her, it is sort of some justice for the lack of effort on her part. This is obviously extremely petty and unhealthy for either of us.
​
I already know that I am an asshole in this situation. The main reason I am posting this is to gauge exactly how much of one I am or if I was somewhat justified. My question is to you: how much of an asshole am I?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
nhOSYnYwDBFcuBiUbnBLNIHZHr3TUssE
|
aqan8x
|
{
"description": "standing my ground in an argument about who I choose to be friends with",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for standing my ground in an argument about who I choose to be friends with?
|
I’m honestly at a loss here, so I’m turning to the most neutral of neutral parties— strangers on the internet. And sorry, this is long (and if the formatting is fucked up— mobile user). But I just want to provide as much information as I can to get an honest appraisal of whether I’m the asshole here.
So. I’m a 33 year old woman who is currently in the aftermath of what feels like the most “am I taking fucking crazy pills??!” ever argument with two female friends: one I’ve been friends with for 18 years (32– I’ll call her N) and one I’ve been friends with for 11 (also 33– I’ll call her F).
I introduced the two of them about two years ago, and gradually I noticed that I was feeling a lot more... judgment, let’s say, coming from the two of them together than I ever did from either of them individually. Which I tried to just accept and ignore, figuring it was a combination of two strong personalities who both like to be right up against me, who just sort of goes with the flow and doesn’t like to argue or try to justify myself. (Note. I probably should have addressed this all at this point, but... I hate conflict.)
So around a year ago, I had an argument with N about a guy I was hooking up with, which led to her basically telling me that she didn’t want to hear about who I had sex with or who I was seeing because she didn’t like the choices I was making. Which was totally within her right to say, even if it sucked to not be able to talk about that part of my life with her. (Again, should have addressed this here, probably.)
Fast forward to nowish, when I had an FWB relationship with a bartender from my regular bar. Again, didn’t tell her about it because of the previous fight and because every time I tried to bring up any guy related things with her after that, she would act very dismissively, telling me that these guys are “garbage human beings” and I’m “not living up to (my) potential” and “can’t do this because (I’m) just going to get hurt.” Fine. I’m an adult and I understand my actions have consequences, so yup. We good, won’t bring it up anymore since it clearly doesn’t sit well with you. Sucks, but ok.
Well, as things tend to do, it got back to her (even though she doesn’t live in the area), and she and F confronted me about it on NYE. I apologized for not mentioning my mattress-related activities, but again stressed that I thought N didn’t want to know about it. It seemed to pass without much incident, though I suppose that could have been due to the lubrication of booze. But I assumed everything was fine.
However, every time I then mentioned him, she returned to the old pattern of “oh. I don’t care about him.” So again. Stopped talking about it, particularly once he started seeing someone and the mattress-related activities naturally ceased. But I continued to be friends with him because, despite the fact that we have completely different views on almost everything, we get along very well, he is always willing to have respectful conversations, to listen to me, and often intellectually challenges me in ways that most of my other friends don’t. I’m NOT saying that he’s a great person or a saint or anything, but he treats me just fine and that’s generally how I judge people.
FINALLY coming to the present (about a week ago). F and N and I are texting about the dating trials of a third friend. I make an offhand joking comment about how I’m so sick of hearing about other people’s relationship problems lately. Which I fully admit probably wasn’t the best idea. Because it led to N asking who I was talking about, me admitting it was my bartender friend and his new lady love, and her responding alternately “oh I don’t care” and “I literally could not care any less.” Again. Message received, and I changed the subject.
But N kept bringing it back to this guy and why am I friends with him because she thinks he’s disrespectful and a terrible person and should I really be listening to the relationship problems of a person I used to have sex with, and even going so far as to inquire whether all of our interactions were still appropriate given that he is seeing someone. All followed by, “sorry if this seems harsh but I just care about you and think you’re making poor choices, and honestly, you’ve been super shady about this whole thing from the beginning.” Which. Ok. That’s maybe a valid perspective?
And I expressed my appreciation for that perspective, honestly, but also expressed that I was fine with the choices I was making and, after at least three rounds of this during this particular conversation, was feeling a little patronized, especially since she had consistently said that she didn’t care to hear about that part of my life, and that while I appreciated that she didn’t like this guy, he is my friend and that’s my choice to make. (Also, although I didn’t bring it up, N has been seeing someone since December and didn’t share it with me until about three weeks ago, so the fact that she called ME shady didn’t sit well with me for that reason as well.)
Cue the biggest... Event? Shitshow? Whatever. It basically ended with N saying that she was washing her hands of me, since I didn’t think she cared about her friends and how could I when she spent the last year worrying about my feelings and my job and my actions and how I was sleeping and my health and etc etc.
I tried to clarify that that absolutely wasn’t what I meant, just that she seemed to have expressed that she didn’t want to hear about the men in my life unless they were a relationship prospect or someone she approved of, but she just kept saying that if I thought she didn’t care about me, then fine, she just wouldn’t. F mostly stopped chiming in around this time (earlier in this shitshow, some discussion was had about a situation in which I was most definitely the asshole to F, which I apologized for and tried to make right.)
It ended with me saying that again, I was sorry that I had made her feel that way, that wasn’t what I intended or thought at all, and that I appreciated all the years of friendship we have shared.
I haven’t heard from either N or F since, though they’ve both done some “subtweeting” on various forms of social media that I’ve just ignored.
I... honestly have no idea what happened here, and if I’m the asshole or not. On one hand I feel bad for what happened, but on the other hand I don’t really feel like I did anything wrong other than not hashing this out earlier. I just hate that this is happening, and also that it’s over a guy who admittedly isn’t the best person in the world (although lately he has been a much more supportive friend to me than N and F have.)
This definitely isn’t the hill I would have chosen to die on, but... here I am, I guess. I’d really appreciate some perspective and judgment from you guys.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
qr9TcuKxzfUsW7DuJODrDjIcklO6KdXk
|
b5ydog
|
{
"description": "taking away game console from my little brother",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for taking away game console from my little brother
|
When the PS4 first came out I decided to buy one with money I had been saving up from my part time job. At the time I was 16 years old and I bought it with money I earned myself and I was proud of that. I'm 21 now.
At the time my little brother was 7 years old and he had his own 3DS which he played on, so I was the only person to use it. After he stopped playing on his 3DS, I let him start playing on my PS4 because he was interested in the games I had.
The past few years I haven't been playing games as much and due to school and work. I use it primarily for Netflix. My brother is really the only one who is playing on it right now, except for when I get in the odd gaming session.
This week, I'm moving into an apartment with my friends, so that I can be closer to school and work, and I'm planning on taking my PS4 with me. When I told my brother this, he freaked out. He got very angry and was crying since he supposedly wouldn't be able to play fortnite with his friends anymore.
I know it sucks that he won't have anything to play on, but I bought the damn thing with my own money and I'm not going to lie, I kind of have sentimental value in it as it's my first "big" purchase. I told my brother that he could try saving up for one or ask my parents to get him one, but he says he can't save up money without a job. Our parents have also said that they don't want buy another while we already have one, even after I explained that there would no longer be one in the house, but they didn't seem to care.
So AITA for taking my ps4 with me, that I bought myself, for myself and leaving my brother with nothing?
Ps I do have a laptop that I could watch Netflix on but the screen is too small and I'm uncomfortable when watching Netflix on it
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
fHubZTLwsRPpa0tklH77FyuxgdrU4uB2
|
aoy1nm
|
{
"description": "gagging my dog",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for gagging my dog?
|
Hear me out, we play fetch with tennis balls and he loves it, but never wants to give the ball back afterwards.
The classic man vs dog.
He insists on playing tug with the small ball, which normally ends up with me getting accidentally nipped.
To counter this, I grab the ball with one hand and casually slip one finger through the open gap between teeth and touch the back of his throat/uvula.
Immediately he opens and I have the ball in hand. Reducing the time in-between throws from minutes to seconds.
This does not appear to be causing any pain or discomfort as his tail stays wagging and happy.
My fiance has told me that I can't do this because it's mean, but I feel as it mutually benefits us as I don't have to fight the ball out and he gets more play time.
*I know that I could train him to drop the ball, but this is the immediate situation I am facing.
TLDR; I touch my dogs uvula to get him to give me the ball during fetch.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
063D5eoLLd2c4sLDORV0zv8gSnl5OHau
|
ap4n0r
|
{
"description": "not wanting to drink with my friends kids",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not wanting to drink with my friends kids?
|
Live in the Midwest of the United States. If you’re not familiar with the region, most homes have basements. Usually these are finished areas that people convert into Man Caves or living areas due to the Winter weather.
Anyway, I’m lucky to have 2 friends as neighbors. All of us have bars/pubs in our basements for socializing. When my friends come over my wife and I have an unspoken rule that my kids are not hanging out at the bar while adults are drinking.
At my friends homes I am constantly surrounded by young kids playing on IPads or coloring while adults attempt to socialize. Needless to say, they constantly interrupt and are high maintenance.
I just don’t want to drink with young kids around. Before I say anything I want the feedback from this sub.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
A27Hf1aZYrt6JFJ4dRS5R1SolWa5iz0W
|
b7edux
|
{
"description": "wanting to postpone a wedding for 2-3 years despite a fatal illness in the finace's family",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for wanting to postpone a wedding for 2-3 years despite a fatal illness in the finace's family?
|
I may be the asshole here..
So basically - I just got engaged. We dated through middle school, high, school, college, and new adulthood so it has been awhile. His dad has a fatal illness. I am in graduate school and work full-time. His family is pressuring us to get married sooner rather than later for obvious reasons. I have no idea how I am going to be able to keep going to school if I have to plan a wedding while also working full-time (I have my own serious health issues that make things more difficult, but I keep those to myself and it's not common knowledge but it's been about 12 years with the disease, so I really don't have extra energy after work and school). Other than my family and a few close friends, nobody really knows and I prefer it that way. I also have absolutely no idea where this money is coming from to plan a wedding, because we don't have it.
Right now, the plan is to have a wedding in about a year. I have always wanted a longer engagement (2-5 years). I would much prefer to have a wedding after school is done (about 2-3 years). I haven't pushed to change the plan yet but I am EXTREMELY overwhelmed and worry I will either need to quit grad school, or postpone the wedding and I think it is most appropriate to postpone the wedding. I don't even want to get married that quickly, and think it's a little rushed.
I've asked my parents and they are also pushing for the wedding to be sooner so fiance's dad can be there but I cannot imagine what kind of basket case I will be in a year because school isn't going to get easier. At this point, it's already distracting me and I'm falling behind in classes.
In summary, I would prefer to postpone the wedding until after grad school. Am I the asshole? I kind of think so. I am feeling like I should just shut up and plan the damn thing to get it over with with a pretty smile on my face the whole time instead. Input appreciated!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
UAdy6NVeCF1ycDevZiuE58DUdpnBhrPH
|
a4djai
|
{
"description": "being sick of people constantly being late and doing favours for people when I get no favours back",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA: I’m sick of people constantly being late and doing favours for people when I get no favours back?
|
So I want to start this by saying that I’m not the sort of person that does favours expecting favours, I’ll never accept any form of payment from my friends for doing them favours e.g. I used to take / pick up my friends from the city centre which would take about 60-90 minutes and cost around £3-5, I’ve seen my friends pay others £10 at minimum to get picked up by others (taxis are around £25) and I’ve never really wanted to be that guy (not that there’s anything wrong with being that guy, it’s fair to be compensated for your time & cost) however these friends have been my friends since we were 12/13 & others from when we were kids.
I’ve noticed a lot of annoying behaviour from my friends such as I’ll do so much for them and help them get through daily life from things like taking them to do their food shopping, dropping or picking them up from various places and also lending them money without any interest, not a single penny.
These friends don’t pay me back on time, blow whatever money they do get or just flat out lie and that’s annoying, I wouldn’t mind if they just told me flat out “Hey man, I’m sorry I don’t have the money can I pay you another time?” Over the whole lying thing as lying really pisses me off.
Along with that the other day I was stuck in city centre as there were no trains in to where I live however I let my friends know this about 6/7 hours in advance and I got told by them that they’ll come get me and they were going out near the city centre so it wasn’t an issue for them. The time comes and they’re no where to be seen and they’re excuse was they were eating (they started queuing for a restaurant 30minute before I was going to get off the train), 45 minutes later they hadn’t even bothered to text or ring so I spent literally my last bits of money getting a taxi home. Along with this we never really go out to wherever I suggest it’s never an option and always just thrown aside & I’ve got another friend who we constantly wait for because he’s constantly late and will make you wait outside his house for 10-15 minutes average before coming out of his house.
I’ve got another set off friends who I hang around with here and there so they sell me out whenever but I’m not too frustrated at that as they’re not my main friendship circle.
All of these little things building up constantly have just left me to exhausted mentally, I can’t find it within me to really get out much and just prefer hanging out on my own and going on drives, I’ve got somewhat of a plan to further my own personal development starting 2019 too so yeah any advice would be great
Sorry for the long read!
P.S there are a few other annoying things I’ve left out because this has gotten too long
Tl;dr - my friends never treat me how I treat them and I feel very much left out / unimportant, AITA for expecting them to treat me the same way?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
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OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
O1F8KxWha4AC1DKsaoHzdl1Z14g8FUv0
|
b82y1l
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend that when we have kids they will have my surname and not be double barrelled",
"pronormative_score": 191,
"contranormative_score": 727
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend that when we have kids they will have my surname and not be double barrelled?
|
Backstory: I’ll try and make this as non-biased as possible.
This conversation came up very early in our relationship. I told her from the start that I want my children to have my surname and I didn’t want any hyphenation. It was a short lived talk but it seemed like she understood. We have rarely ever had arguments in our relationship (Could count them on 1 hand!) and we are solid ‘life partners’. This conversation came up again last night which became a little heated. She didn’t realise how strongly I felt about this and I didn’t realise the same with her.
She doesn’t want her family name to die (From her step father) as all his children are women and have not given the name to their children or kept it themselves. Ever since I wanted children I have always wanted them to take my surname, I’ve never seen it any other way. I understand this is selfish but I had made it clear from the get-go this was what I wanted.
In the end she ‘gave in’ and said I can take it but did say various comments about me being stubborn and never compromising. In my head this is one of the very few things that I am dead set on…. But now it’s got me questioning if I am just a stubborn piece of shit usually, I don’t feel it is though.
Am I the asshole? Do I need to compromise? I think if I did double barrel the surname I would start to despise the name/children and it wouldn’t be healthy for any of the relationships. I know this seems rather silly but it means a lot to me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 706,
"OTHER": 145,
"EVERYBODY": 21,
"NOBODY": 46,
"INFO": 16
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 191,
"WRONG": 727
}
|
WRONG
|
HPL6PscDugK2WPVliiJbratRG46nM9VH
|
9wvlji
|
{
"description": "addressing management issues with somewhat of an attitude",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for addressing management issues with somewhat of an attitude.
|
So I became an assistant lifeguard manager for an indoor pool after 2 years. Simple work is involved: making sure doors are locked, robot vacuum is in the pool at night, lifeguards present, constant cleaning, etc.
I’m 19y/o and my head manager is 17y/o and still in high school while I attend community college.
Nearly every weekend the pool and our storage closets are obviously neglected. Things aren’t clean/put up like they should be and most chores aren’t done including putting in the vacuum. Every time this happens I make sure to text in our manager group chat (only the 4 managers of our pool are in) of things need to be done that aren’t being done regularly. I work every weekday directly after school until close (8 hours), whereas the other managers come in occasionally for weekday shifts and weekend shifts(4-6 hours).
This time a door leading outside that has been winterized (foam is put in the door frame to prevent cold air from coming in) was opened, out of place and not fixed. Not that big of a deal. This night in particular all 3 managers, except for me, were closing for the night and nobody noticed it. I texted in the group chat per usual that it is an issue and should be checked every night.
THEN another manager... let’s call him manager #2 (20y/o), called me out and mentioned that it was weird that our opening guards’ assessment of the pool from the morning doesn’t match our managers’ and that I should have their backs instead of “putting them on blast” The head manager agreed with him. This is where my tangent started.
I mentioned that our supervisors would most definitely side with our morning guards considering there were several other witnesses of our closing managers not doing their jobs correctly. I also mentioned how I don’t give a shit who’s fault it was, I was addressing it as a head manager would... even though it’s not my job. Btw our head manager does not address issues with management.
Then I called our head manager and asked him why they thought it was alright to berate me for addressing an issue to them instead of going over their heads or ignoring the issue and letting them carry on doing things wrong, which I would have to clean up along with my regular list of tasks to be completed every week .
He agreed with me and assumed that things were “lost in translation”. I told him that if he agrees he should apologize in the group chat and clear things up. A half ass, “we’re all to blame” text later and I’m wondering if I should go to upper management with this issue. My supervisors have been getting plenty of compliments about me specifically and I’m tired of being lower management to a high schooler who won’t even do his job. Was I blowing this out of proportion?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
6vbvV5y9MVBq0E3Pg1e6n6mnsC1sKHaQ
|
b5nh55
|
{
"description": "doing late-night laundry",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for doing late-night laundry?
|
I am a night shift nurse and frequently work stretches of shifts in a row. I am not home a lot. Often the only time I can do laundry (after a full night’s sleep) is at 3AM. I only do laundry about once every two weeks at this time. I prefer to do it during the day, but sometimes I’m just too slammed.
I live in an apartment building with a laundry room in the basement. Residents access it with a key, there’s no electronic lock. There is no sign posted for hours of operation.
Today I started my laundry and then came back about 5 minutes after it had finished. The lid was up (manually) which freaked me out a little. Someone was just...looking at my laundry? But nothing appeared to be missing, so I tossed stuff in the dryer and started my second wash. When I returned to the basement again, about 5 minutes after my wash should have finished, the lid was up. There was 25 minutes left on the washer. And the dryer door was open with my first load. My underwear was on the floor. The machine said it had one minute left. I was freaked out now. Was someone going through my clothes? I tried to tell myself not to be paranoid and restarted the washer and began unloaded the dryer.
Someone (50sF) came in and started telling me (20sF though I look much younger) that the laundry room was closed after 11PM (there are no signs) and that the noise of the machine wakes her up.
Me: I’m sorry, I didn’t know, there aren’t any signs and I work night shift so this is the only time I can do my laundry sometimes. Her: You have no idea of the noise. Me: I’ll keep that in mind for the future, but my load was still running when you stopped it...(I still had 25 minutes left, so it was still soaked and soapy....) Her: I could’ve pulled the plug. I WILL be talking to the landlord and the super about this. Me: Okay. I didn’t know. There was no sign. (Note: and hasn’t been one since I moved in a year ago.) Her: That’s how it’s always been! I don’t know what happened to the sign. Me: I’ll keep that in mind, but I’m going to finish my load now. Her: Be mindful of your neighbors. I WILL be talking to the landlord about this. Me: Okay.
I feel bad (I didn’t know the machines were audible), but I also feel creeped out (my underwear on the floor?) and annoyed that the washer was just plain stopped in the middle of the cycle. Am I the asshole? Should I be worried that she’s talking to the landlord? I took photos of the laundry room to prove there’s no sign up. I’ll try not to do my laundry at 3AM, but I’m usually asleep by 730A so the “latest” I can do laundry is 6A. Is that a reasonable time? I don’t know what to do, really.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
3dBXP5ICsYuuKRX7yJ7qc8HvMNnK6zjo
|
a86kbb
|
{
"description": "not accepting my moms apology",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not accepting my moms apology?
|
Some context: I started glass blowing at school this year at school and I’m the only person who’s really shown interest and gotten really good at it (you can check my posts). It is my dream to become a professional and I have been going as much as possible there to try and improve, and it’s been working so far. I try to do as much of my homework as I can, and I know I could do more, it’s just a huge load.
Me and my mom were having an argument about school and why I didn’t do good in a class because I didn’t turn in some assignments. She was mad because she said that she tried her hardest to be what her dream job was but wasn’t able to achieve it (pharmacist). I told her I’m working my hardest to achieve my dream, and she said she doesn’t care about what I want to be. I got upset because it’s really important to me, and my mom wasn’t being supportive. I left and went up to my room.
About 10 mins later, my mom comes in to apologize for what she said, but I didn’t accept her apology because I was still really mad at her (other things from the argument too). Now my parents are saying it’s on me to try to get back on their good side and I should forgive her, which makes me more mad. AITA for being mad at my mom and not accepting her apology?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
DvQC4Id7Ee4adFobazr8nHfL2iTImONs
|
auj823
|
{
"description": "hiding my girlfriend's hoodie",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 39
}
|
AITA for hiding my girlfriend's hoodie?
|
Me and my girlfriend have been dating for about six months, and everything has been really good except for one thing. She wears a blue men's sized hoodie everywhere and I mean everywhere family outings, date nights, walks. If it's too hot she'll tie it around her waist, but she's never without it.
For a bit of clarification we started dating in the summer time.
I've asked her about it, where she got it, stuff like that (I was afraid it was a ex's hoodie.) She's told me it's a comfort thing, and she feels secure with it on/around her.
I don't like it, it goes down to her knees and is super baggy, not in a cute way. It looks like she's wearing a potato sack. I've offered her my hoodies, offered to buy her a new hoodie, offered it have it hemmed (my sister is a seamstress) but she refuses all of it.
It's become a regular thing we argue about, especially if we want to go somewhere nice or upscale for a date. A few days ago we got into a massive fight about it at my house.
I told her it makes her look depressed and like a shut-in, she said I didn't have any control over what she wore, etc. It escalated and eventually she stormed out, but she accidentally left the hoodie behind.
I was so tempted to cut the damn thing up right then, but decided to hide it in the back of my closet. She asked me an hour later if I'd seen it, I told her I hadn't.
I haven't seen her the last couple of days, but we've texting back and forth. We've mostly made up from the fight and things look to be getting better. She's still looking for it, but I don't know what I should do with the hoodie. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 37,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 39
}
|
WRONG
|
4UI2l4Jvse0TbaiR51w63BdlOigdXRW4
|
asxi35
|
{
"description": "hating someone I was \"friends\" with",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for hating someone I was “friends” with?
|
I met this guy about a year ago. For the sake of making this easier, we're gonna call him Martin. That's not his name, but whatever. Martin was kind of weird but nice at times. But once he started to hang out with our friend group a little more, he started to act more like a douche. He has singlehandedly gotten everyone in our group of friends pissed at him at least 3 times. And every time he says the same thing.
“I’m sorry. I know I screwed up. It’s completely my fault. I’m an asshole. Please forgive me.” Then he goes and does it all over again.
​
Other things Martin's done was:
\-Lied and said that my best friend told Martin to kill himself
\-Tried to attack me while we were playing night games
\-Constantly makes suicide jokes
\-Constantly makes fun of me and my best friend
\-Makes rude, snarky comments
\-Texting something to my best friend about how much he hates him
\-Being a jerk to me and my best friend, but being super nice to all the girls in our friend group
\-Is a classic NiceGuy™
​
But this time was different. For a little context, I’m a sophomore in high school. We had our school play (The Foreigner, if anyone is wondering) and I was one of the lead roles. Since I was so busy with the play and homework and school, I wasn’t able to hang out with my friends as much, in fact, hardly at all. When I texted my friends when they were coming, this particular friend just simply said no. When asked why he said “I don’t support people who don’t support me.” Later that day, my friends were going out to lunch. I told them I couldn't make it, as I already had plans. Then, my “friend” texted me [this (sorry, I've never used Imgur before, so this starts at the bottom and goes up)](https://imgur.com/a/dIPUmas). Since then, I've hardly spoken to him. I've given him chances before. And I'm done giving him more. Am I an asshole for doing so? Or should I give him one more chance?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
LkbmP2Oh5DoWPlnTTa1rLGUwi7YCjpPj
|
b1j428
|
{
"description": "asking a chaperone to ask before taking a bottom bunk",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA If I asked a chaperone to ask before taking a bottom bunk?
|
My high school had a yearly trip to a summer camp type of place just before the start of the school year. Big hills, cabins with shitty AC, and rickety-ass bunk beds that take a fucking gymnast to climb to the top.
Our cabin's group slogged all the way up to the top of the hill, where our cabin was. One girl (call her A) was overweight to the point where climbing up to the top bunk was dangerous, so we made sure that she got a bottom bunk. I also managed to get a bottom bunk, being a senior (this will be important later). So, our chaperone (not a teacher, a lady we'll call Mrs. C) wasn't there. I asked a teacher, and she said that Mrs. C would be arriving later. Okay, whatever. We left our stuff around the bunks and went and did summer camp things.
When we got back, everyone was dead tired. I was ready to pass out on my ultra-convenient bottom bunk, when we find that A's stuff was in a corner, and Mrs. C's things were on her bed, and Mrs. C still was not in sight. A was not going to confront her about it, so I gave A my bunk and resigned myself to climbing up Mount Fucking Everest just to sleep.
When Mrs. C returned, I told her what had happened, and as politely as I could, pointed out that it would have been more polite to wait for everyone to return before moving someone else's things and staking a claim on a bed.
She told me to watch my tone, and that she deserved a bunk because she was the chaperone.
So I shut up, and let things go, but ranted about it at home and to some trusted friends.
Tl;Dr A chaperone kicked a girl who couldn't climb out of a bottom bunk, and when I asked her to be more considerate she shut me down. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
UFr0dIbnyTU8Yjr58KKuq9bZL6WdwD2C
|
b8t0yo
|
{
"description": "not wanting my grandpa to die on/around my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for not wanting my grandpa to die on/around my birthday?
|
Pretty straightforward one here. I’m 30 so it’s not like birthdays are anywhere near as important as they used to be. But I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t nice to still have that one day where it’s sort of just about you. That being said, it’s in a few days and my grandpa (on my moms side) is in really bad health. He’s undergone chemo at 85, had to begin a second round of treatment on Friday, and was admitted to the hospital tonight with tests being done for a potential blood infection. He’s being kept overnight at the very least, but at this stage in the game, life is basically one foot in the grave and the other on a banana peel. I know any little thing like this could potentially be the thing that does it, and while I love him very much and don’t WANT him to die at all, I really don’t want him to die near my birthday. They’re the only grandparents I’ve ever really known and my mom is very close with them, even more so in the last several years following my dad dying. So part of me is worried that if he dies on or near my birthday, it will kind of taint it with my family. So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
qtlwAeZujdOgnFjPOVBlegiUJhKHk9HI
|
addztm
|
{
"description": "not getting my friend lunch",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not getting my friend lunch?
|
On mobile, sorry in advance for formatting,
My friend for a very long time has recently run into some issues with his leg that makes him unable to run or walk very fast in fear of making it worse.
We always go out to lunch to get food from our favourite place, but I was late to get out of class today because I was talking to a teacher so he couldn’t go to the place because it’s quite far away and we wouldn’t make it back in time.
Instead he wanted me to go to another place to get him lunch (I was happy to get lunch after school so I wasn’t worried about myself) which is a place I’m not particularly comfortable going to as I get social anxiety and I’ve had a bad experience there.
I was hesitating and deciding whether to do it or not because I didn’t want to go because I don’t like the place and I also just couldn’t really be bothered. I asked him if he could just get food after school but he had tutoring so he could only really wait until dinner.
Eventually another friend just volunteered to get the food but I feel quite bad about the situation because I feel like I owed that to him as a friend but I also felt he was being quite entitled in his asking and was being forceful. We’re still good friends and it’s not an issue between us but I’m still just kind of stuck on what happened.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
lWpv9of81u3Zk5nYlcwjKJeWxElfv5nH
|
b61qm2
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend over text while she was abroad visiting her dying grandad",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend over text while she was abroad visiting her dying grandad
|
This happened a couple of months ago and I’ve never been able to shake the feeling that there must’ve been a better way for me to have handled the situation. I care about her, and the thought of her in tears, staring down at her phone while dealing with the emotional clusterfuck of a dying relative has been too much to handle for a while now.
But I just couldn’t be with her. I hadn’t realized I fell out of love until she went abroad and it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. It was so ingrained in me that we were going to be together forever because the sacrifices me and family made for her finances that it felt like an investment.
There were times where I would get really fucked up and the feelings of not wanting to be with her would bubble up. I’d sleep on the couch because I couldn’t stand to be in the same bed as her but the feelings would go away the next morning. I was so happy for the first time in a while when she finally went away.
But I just couldn’t keep the facade of pretending everything was okay and reciprocating I love you texts when I had emotionally broken up with her. That’s not honest, and I’d be lying to her the entire time just to break up with her first thing when she got back. I felt like I couldn’t just ignore her either, she’d figure out something was up and try to get through to me through mutual friends which eventually would let the cat out of the bag. It felt like a damned if you do damned if you don’t moment, but did I make the least worst choice?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
WRONG
|
maOBM3qNdDvXTpCmfqCXkniYHql0q4lz
|
a2w2kw
|
{
"description": "not buying drinks for girls that bumped into me and spilled at a crowded bar",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not buying drinks for girls that bumped into me and spilled at a crowded bar
|
Saturday I'm out with a large group of friends for a birthday party.
I come back in from the smoking area and start taking coat and sweater off. Im standing on the edge of the walking area between tables and the bar talking to a friend as I pull my arm out of my jacket a girl bumps into my elbow.
This starts a chain of events. She bumps into her friend and the drinks they are both holding spill upwards onto their chests, then they both drop the glasses at the same time, smashing on the floor spilling all over the place.
I turn around and the first thing I do is ask if they are okay. Then I apologize profusely, even though I don't believe this is totally my fault. If at all honestly. I wasn't flailing my arms around, I wasn't purposely walking around slapping drinks out of hands. I didnt make a weird jerky move and I wasn't sloppy drunk either. It was an honest mistake.
The girl smiled and said it was totally fine so i turned around and pretended like it never happened.
They didnt like that, and I was called a cheap asshole a few times by them passing by that night.
I hate going "out" I cant count how many times someones bumped into me unintentionally resulting in me being soaked in alcohol in one of these places.
Am I the asshole for not replacing the drinks?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
56V3Rq8hmRUuPmTbWGubaMNdMrWdTHM6
|
ah7a5m
|
{
"description": "being annoyed at my husband for watching my favorite movies without me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for being annoyed at my husband for watching my favorite movies without me?
|
For context, I really don't like the vast majority of movies. I have a short attention span and find most of them cookie-cutter and not entertaining. That said, the movies I love, I REALLY love, and all the better if I get to enjoy watching them with another person. My husband, in contrast, loves movies and will watch basically anything. Usually, I just do my own thing and ignore whatever he's watching. No big deal. We don't always have to be doing the same thing.
Now as in the title, the annoyance lies in that he always watches my favorite movies without me! If I'm home and awake, he'll have on some random thing I couldn't care less about. But I come home from work, and what do I see the case for, laying atop the DVD player? Wayne's World. Rocky Horror. Howl's Moving Castle. Deadpool. Adam's Family Values. Wtf dude. You couldn't have waited for me?
NB4 you start, yes I know, there's no way for him to know that unless I tell him. So I did. I told him I'd really appreciate if he'd occasionally wait and invite me to watch, too. I'm not saying he isn't allowed to watch whatever movie unless it's with me, of course not, but it's literally ALL THE TIME. Makes me feel left out, you know?
In any case, it didn't do any good. I'm sick right now and have been hanging out in bed most of the day. The hubs, who had been hanging out with me, said he was gonna go get a snack, and eat in the living room as opposed to the bed, because duh. He asked if I wanted to come to, and being comfy and under the impression he was just going to go eat in a chair and probably continue watching videos on his phone (as he'd been doing for hours) said I'd stay where I was. 10 minutes later, and in through the doorway I hear the opening music to Clue. One of my favorite movies. He knows this.
I call, "Why didn't you invite me?"
"You said you wanted to stay in bed????"
"You didn't say you were going to watch Clue."
"I thought you wanted to stay in bed."
* annoyed silence *
"... Do you want to come watch now?"
"Just watch your movie."
*noises of bafflement, movie resumes*
So, now I'm sitting here by myself, trying to ignore the sounds of one of my favorite movies. I guess maybe it's petty, but I don't think it's a hard concept to grasp- please occasionally include me in things I like to do. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
7FFectypcgq3mSBfhXO9aiFQt6xebZQi
|
avn228
|
{
"description": "getting a gift in the mail",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting a gift in the mail?
|
I got a gift in the mail today. Addressed to me with my address and my full name (people usually call me by my nickname). There were two necklaces, a ring, a guitar tuner with batteries, guitar strings and a tactical weapon to use in your fist if you want to punch someone.
My fiance is accusing me of cheating on him because the handwriting on the box looks like a man may have wrote it.
I'm definitely not cheating on him. Someone knows my full name and obviously knows I'm learning guitar. I'm seriously freaked out and worried about it because of the tactical tool in the box, too.
My plan of action is calling the USPS tomorrow and see if there is any info on the tracking number. After that, I'm calling the police to make a report to have on record.
My fiance is telling me that he thinks I'm cheating on him because of all this stuff. My fiance is out of his ever-loving mind if he thinks I'd do that. I'll be 49 soon and I'm wayyyyy too old for that shit. I'm a good, honest woman. If I had something to hide, why would I show him? Makes no sense. I've offered to show him my internet history but he refuses to look at it.
I'm taking precautionary measures tomorrow in case I have a stalker somehow. Does that make me an asshole for getting a package of stuff I didn't want?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
fAOUTEGclduGmpxrHpbXtTcLqUGdLyzq
|
adn51n
|
{
"description": "wanting to give my husband and ultimatum when it comes to his adult daughter",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for wanting to give my husband and ultimatum when it comes to his adult daughter.
|
I am losing it, my husband and I have been together 5 years, married for 2. We both have children from previous relationships. His daughter is a 19 year old freshman in college but she has had a failure to launch and he has not made any boundaries with her. She is constantly calling, texting, having him do things for her and her bf (that does not have a license) things that she should be able to take care of on her own. The calling/texting is constant as in multiple times a day everyday and if there is not an instant reply she calls her brothers phone. She has not packed her room up even though we have asked her to do so for the past 6 months, which wouldn't be a big deal if we didn't have other children that are still in the home needing the space.
A little more background, my husband has had primary care of his kids since they were 10 and 14, his ex has a drug problem and lives with an abusive boyfriend. During this time he has allowed his daughter to use the mother as an excuse to act anyway she pleases. To this day she has never done a chore, cleaned a bathroom, does not know how to load a dishwasher, and anytime she is asked to do something she refuses or tries to get her brother to do it. This has been the primary source of our fighting because not only does she not contribute to household chores the way the other children are expected to but she is disrespectful to my husband calling him by his full name while demanding he do things for her as if he is a child. The list goes on, it's really too much for a post. She is constantly mean, bossy and disrespectful to my children, my husband and my husbands other child. She has been the source of many fights and we have started counseling over the issues that he and I have over how she should be handled.
We have reached some improvement with the way my husband handles some aspects of the situation, but I don't feel like it is enough. I don't think he should be responsible for taking her boyfriend to and from work without notice. She is off at college and living in a dorm, there is no reason her stuff shouldn't be packed up, so that our other children don't have to share rooms. Even though we live close to campus, he should not constantly be running around doing things for her, the whole point of moving out was to teach her to be self reliant. I am frustrated when she tries to stay at our house every weekend with her boyfriend and neither of them clean up after themselves, they have sex on our sofa and leave stains behind.
My husband and I have reached a point where we can talk about it and he acts like a dog with a tail between his legs because he knows this is a lot to deal with, but he wants to make these slow changes instead of just laying out what is acceptable and what isn't. I feel that this has continued to go on WAY too long and I am tired of being punished for her bad behavior AITA for wanting to stake our relationship on this issue?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
2Zo9xj1LcDNB8Iy5wRq8OwjnpG5dEg5p
|
ayycgs
|
{
"description": "waiting an hour after getting suspended from work to tell my wife",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for waiting an hour after getting suspended from work to tell my wife
|
First things first, I love my wife dearly. I am not at all interested in leaving, just looking for opinions.
I got suspended today at work. I called my wife immediately after, but decided to tell her face to face. I got home and we all ate dinner. At the end of dinner I told her the news. She flipped, which is understandable. Now though, she is calling me a liar because I didn't tell her immediately. It is not really helping my stress levels at all! I know she is processing, and I am gonna give her the space she needs. Nonetheless, I feel like I did not make the wrong decision. AITA
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
brdyoliBzhZQgwRwpH2eUmIHFwKgDncW
|
atxizc
|
{
"description": "hating furries because they're toxic",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for hating furries because they're toxic?
|
There's witch hunts everywhere, people will get on you for anything and everything, the fandom is full of SJWs and a hivemind who actively bullies and gatekeeps for things they don't even remotely like. The bullying has gotten worse over the years and I don't know if it's gonna stop.
Honestly, this is why I left the fandom. It's a toxic shithole that's far beyond redemption. I don't want to be a part of a community that will shit on you for any reason whatsoever. This seems to make up a majority of the fandom and there seems to be no way to reverse it.
If you're gonna say that all fandoms are toxic like this, then what I have to say is, that's whataboutism, and the furry fandom is more toxic than any other fandom (in my experience).
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
petmsiduIBvrJARZi64PNiLDWGEGjAMb
|
b1pa2n
|
{
"description": "sending \"spicy pictures\" to someone I've been sexual with for a while",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for sending “spicy pictures” to someone I’ve been sexual with for a while?
|
First, I’d like to apologize. Blah blah blah, I’m on mobile, you get it.
Let me clarify some things — I’ve been texting this guy back and forth for years now. We’ve been extremely, forwardly sexual with each other since we met. I have had (romantic) feelings for him for a long time and he claims it’s mutual, but I don’t really think that’s the case.
He’s told me on more than one occasion that it’s okay if I send nudes, that I don’t have to ask before I do it. Okay, fair enough... I usually do anyway, to be sure, but there is a few times I haven’t.
Two days ago, he sent me nudes and I returned the favor. No big deal. Everything was fine. Last night, I sent him nudes after we had been flirting (sexually) through texts, but I didn’t ask first, assuming that, based on what was said before, he would be okay with it. He didn’t express anything to me, didn’t ask me to stop, and did not say he was uncomfortable.
Today, he sent a voice message to my friend explaining that “I don’t talk to him outside of sending nudes” and he’s “kind of uncomfortable with it” because I sent him nudes without asking first last night. He made it seem like it was a reoccurring event and embarrassed me in front of my friend, as she played the voice message out when we were in a Discord call together.
So..... AITA for sending the nudes? Also: AITA for being upset that he told my friend something extremely personal about me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
1h7pZl7QhlsTWWXxfigH1npyzJ32DQ7O
|
arvug2
|
{
"description": "saying my bisexual friend has something in common with anyone bisexual kid at my school",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for saying my bisexual friend has something in common with anyone bisexual kid at my school
|
Now I'm new to reddit only got it recently, anyway so this happened around September last year my friend told me she was Bisexual and I was so happy for her because she was coming out anyway that lunch time I make a harmless joke
"hey now you got something incommon with *insert name here* (because this person was also part of LGBTQ community. So yeah I tell her that I was just messing around and me and my other friend just laugh it off, second lunch arrives and shit starts to go down, my "friend" is avoiding me and the other girl then suddenly around 2 minutes this happens
EB=Entilted brat EM= entitled Mother Foley =my other friend
Anyway so EB walks up to me and starts yelling at me for saying what I said and I don't take shit from no one so I respond "it was a F*cking joke she needs to learn to take a joke!" me literally fucking made with rage then Foley steps in "yeah (me) is right like it wasn't meant to hurt her feelings" then me and EB gets in to a heated argument (I'm gonna just keep it as short as possible) so after like 1min of yelling at eachother Foley pulls me away and I'm seriously about to lose my shit (I have anger issues) so many emotions where going through my head, half crying half wanting to beat the shit out of EB and that friend but Foley calms me down and tells me we need to find that friend of ours, so we look for about 4mins, everyone was harassing me telling me I was a f*cking bitch and how self centered I was (also I am have manger anxiety problems too) anyway I start to literally break down unable to move and just having person after person tell me what a horrible person I was but Foley stepped in and helped me get out of there she could see I was struggling but before she pulled me away EB threatened me saying she would beat the shit out of me if I tried to apologize. So yeah we head to the counseling office to talk to them about what had happened and Foley and some others went to find where my "friend" was while I had a mental breakdown in the office, bell goes and she comes in she explains her side I explain mine and then they made me apologize and told us to wash our faces off cause we had red faces from the crying, anyway we hug and made up and they talk to EB and they tell me everything is going to be alright.
F*cking wrong. Later the last bell rings and I'm just about to leave when EB walks up to me and already I know shit is gonna go down, so she starts harassing me telling me "do you really think I wouldn't punch you" holding my ground I avoid the question because at my school it's who ever starts the fight is the one to get suspended, so yeah Im just trying to avoid her just trying to get home but at this point I'm flaming I couldnt take this b*tches bs anymore I say yes you wouldnt and man, I get the surprise of my life she does it (PS barely hitting me and I had my phone in my other hand)lol you know I clock her back being fuckin way bigger than her it's a hard blow and me and this girl in a fucking fist fight eventually two teachers and one student pulled us off, everyone is staring at me and her (her being really popular) a day later kids take her side still calling me a whore and a self centered bitch but not the best part, (look I get you have to stand up for your kids but listen) EM is literally telling the office I should get suspended for harassment and assault but since there were a heap of teachers there they didn't suspend me, I did get like a three day detention tho lol.
Am I the asshole
PS I thought this would be a r/entitledparents post but I realized it wasnt and its more like am I the asshole
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
17n6iNNRunokRSZwDPc7Z0skJipVYSNS
|
9u1ji0
|
{
"description": "getting mad over my girlfriend doing something before we were dating but I asked her to be exclusive",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting mad over my girlfriend doing something before we were dating but i asked her to be exclusive.
|
Me (20M) and my GF (19F) recently got into an huge argument because I found out she made out with a guy at a party but lied to me about for 5 months. We weren't dating at the time but I asked her if we could exclusively hook up 2 weeks prior and she said yes. Her biggest defense over this is that "we weren't dating at the time of the incidence so what does it matter". My biggest issue about this is the lying for the 5 months and that regardless of the dating we agreed to be exclusive. She says she wouldn't care if the roles were reversed but that argument in my mind is extremely invalid because the roles aren't reversed.
Need some good advice.
P.S. first post on reddit sorry if this isn'y formatted the correct way.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
EDiEDofnC332RBdTSee8XcSWnCPAIhZq
|
azzate
|
{
"description": "calling my 'posh' friend inbred and saying they had webbed feet",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for calling my ‘posh’ friend inbred and saying they had webbed feet?
|
So I was brought up on a council estate, the same place my dad brought up.
Let’s just say it’s not a good place to live, well some parts are notorious for very minor drug use such as cannabis whilst other areas are infamous for crack, spice, heroin etc, as well as prostitution, gang violence. A lot of people are the stereotypical ‘chavs’ and I’m not saying this to be pretentious, but they are. They swear, they take drugs, they commit crimes. My brother is one of them lol.
Contrary to all this, my mum lived a very different life. She was very privileged growing up: the typical ‘middle class’ person and who came from a family of doctors etc. She sheltered me from the ‘goings on’ in the estate, meaning I go to a school outside its boundaries and I don’t have any friends who live in the same area, I have an ambiguous accent, etc.
I am proud of my family and where I come from. I think I am very lucky to have privileges and loving parents but, my friend group seems to think I am someone to be pitied.
They are typically middle class people and when they found out where I was from, they were utterly appalled. Since then, I have had my fair share of either pitying glances or class jokes, such as I am undereducated, how lucky it is I didn’t get pregnant at a young age or start smoking crack or whatever.
Anyway, one day were discussing Cicero and I was talking about my difficulties with Latin etc and someone perked up:
“Well, what can you expect from the school you went to. You didn’t even learn Latin, they should consider your mitigating circumstances before they give you such difficult assignments.”
And someone else said, friend who is a girl.
“Well, you can’t blame them, can you? There isn’t much time for learning Latin where she lives, they’re all too busy getting pregnant and high’.
I, in return, said:
“Maybe they should let me use english translations for all my Latin texts, to make it easier for me: the lowly hoi polloi. We need all the help we can get from our betters. And yes, while we are all busy getting pregnant, you can go fuck your cousin and spread your webbed feet to your inbred descendants’.
People laughed but my friend in question came up to me later and said I had embarrassed her, in front of everybody and that it wasn’t fair.
I didn’t mean to make her feel bad. I just felt defensive but I don’t like how they all seem to feel sorry for me now and that I almost have to joke about it. I was trying to be funny about the whole ‘inbred’ thing but in retrospect, it was a bit of a shitty thing to say.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
tz7XcvtldumfxLpZAKp1ApT5YhkKCmCN
|
aw1a97
|
{
"description": "telling my friend his essays is bad and he should rewrite it",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my friend his essays is bad and he should rewrite it?
|
Today my friend texted me about an essay that he had just finished written for his internship. He asked if I would read his essay and tell him my opinion on it. Of course being a good friend that I am, I humbly accepted it. Turned out, it wasn't good, at least in my opinion.
My friend is a very defensive person, and he tried to explain to me how my opinion is wrong and how proud he is on this specific essay. I agreed with him that the essay had a good heart, as in a very good concept, but the whole thing was all over the place and had no structure to it. For once I was surprised how bad it was, and so I told him exactly that, and a simple "you should rewrite it".
He took that as a very offensive gesture to him, and started to use more heavy hitting words towards me. Naturally I did the same thing back. The fight took over an hour and he declared that he was going to block me for being toxic, and being a bad friend. I throughly explained that just because my opinion did not justify his, doesn't mean I'm a bad friend, if anything it should be the opposite. But at that point he stopped listening.
The essay was about feminism. He had no thesis, all 3 paragraphs did not connect in any sort of ways except that they all talk about feminism. Yet all those 3 points did not support any kind of argument at all.
I'm hurted to see my only friend blocked me like this, and I came here to ask if I'm the asshole for being straight forward like, or should I have just support him from the beginning? He's not good under pressure and when he came to me to ask about my opinion, I knew that all he wanted was a support on his side. But the essay was definitely not the one a college student should have writen, and I wanted to help him...
If I were the asshole, I hope to find a way to say sorry, but even if I weren't, what should I do to help him understand? He's my only friend and I treasure him a lot.
TL;DR: My friend sent me his essay for my input. He didn't like my input. We had a fight. Now I'm being blocked for being straight forward.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
yKWPQeTgofMO5e5hrEMiQJnzlQ269wXH
|
b556ks
|
{
"description": "deciding not to be friends with a guy because he spent his whole life working for big tobacco",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for deciding not to be friends with a guy because he spent his whole life working for Big Tobacco?
|
I met this dude recently when I was participating in motor sports. He was s nice guy, liked my car, and I liked his car. We hung out all day and I enjoyed his company. And then I found out he was a big wig for a big tobacco company for his entire career. And not only that but his job was making more people smoke and he was good at it.
He didn’t apologize for his career, nor did I ask him to, but I lost a lot of family to smoking and while it was their choice, it still didn’t feel right hanging out with this rich guy who never smoked a cig in his life but profited off of others.
So, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
3WxBW7Ezt1C7VzqbkzRNHelk4ziX2uvu
|
b7adc6
|
{
"description": "accusing my boyfriend of cheating with another woman",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for accusing my boyfriend of cheating with another woman?
|
My boyfriend and I, both in our mid 20s are together for four years. There has been an issue with a female co worker of his for over two years. He hang out at her house in secret 1.5 yrs ago, I found out much later. He claims nothing happens. They still work together and text sometimes, but less frequent. He swears he won't hang out with her - she has send inappropriate texts and such.
We live together in our own house. I leave every monday morning to another city and come back tuesday morning for work issues. This means he is alone for 24 hours.
This tuesday morning 10am I got out of the bus and saw that girl walking to the bus. We live in a small craphole place, with nothing to do. We have a supermarket, a bakery, one tiny clothing store and that is it. This girl lives in another city, works in another city and studies in another city. I know she has NO friends or family in our town, because she mentioned it earlier to my boyfriend. ("You are the only one I know that wants to live in that crap place!")
What was her reason to be there, so early in the morning? I came home and my boyfriend was in bed asleep, with the window and curtains open. He always sleeps with the window and curtains closed.
I confronted and he said she was not there and has never been to our house. Then I decided to check his internet history. Yes, fellow redditors, I know this is wrong but I do NOT want a rant about this.
So I saw that the evening before he watched some netflix on his tablet until 11PM. After that, things get weird. He watched youtube on his mobile from 11.00 to 11.19 PM. This is odd, because I am with this guy for 4 years and he NEVER watches youtube on his phone when he is inside the house. He always only does this when he is in the bus, outside or whatever. However no busses drove at that moment so that can't be true. After 23.19 there was no signs of activity anymore on his phone, tablet or computer. He set up an alarm clock at 22.59 PM.
​
The first next activity was next day 08.04 am when he put off his alarm clock, and then 08.30 on Whatsapp.
He has a car that he shares with his mom. Wednesday we got into the car and he said; Mom keeps asking bout the car and drives my fuel till its empty. And I said; no she didn't asked for the car for at least 2 weeks why you bring this up? He just said oh it bothers me.
​
He kept bringing up this girl 2 or 3 times. "I don't think it was her, I think you saw it wrong. Probably can't be her" blah blah.
​
He got angry and sad when I asked him if he cheated and he denied all and called me paranoid. Ever since, nearly a week, my boyfriend acts distant and avoids sex. When we talk he says he is disappointed in me and feels like he is together with a private detective. He asked me why I am with him if I dont trust him.
​
Am I the asshole for accusing him of cheating?
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
o8iU1kIPxtMyZqvSiyRGEhaQ4L9iLdHO
|
a4vtd3
|
{
"description": "asking my step-brother to stop poking me with his elbow",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my step-brother to stop poking me with his elbow?
|
This took place about two weeks ago at thanksgiving dinner. I was sat next to my step-brother who, when using his knife, flares his elbows out and bumps into me with each cut of the knife. I’m not going to say I should have made a deal out of this, and rather I should have just let it be, since it was thanksgiving. But, I asked him to please keep his elbows closer to himself. He was offended that I was asking this of him and started to tear up. I can honestly swear I did not use any tense or rude mannerism to him, he’s just a sensitive boy (13). My father then told me to stop, to which I replied that he always does this when I sit next to him. My brother then looked to his mom (my step-mom) and told her what I asked of him, with tears in his eyes. In response, she glared at me and told him to sit somewhere else. And my father always takes her side, so he was equally frustrated with me.
Ever since then, my step-mom has held this against me. Telling my father to stop supporting me at university (I’m renting a studio apartment). Among other situations with her, where she has always favored her kids over me and my brothers, I am always forced to apologize for offending her. But currently I’m quite upset with her blatant lack of respect to me and how I’m always in the wrong. I’ve always either been respectful to her, or simply not talked to her. She is sometimes nice for me and has purchased things for me in the past, which is why I’m always perplexed at how fast she is to anger at me and how she shows such a duality in behavior. She then holds the fact that she has bought me stuff against me and I’m not allowed to be angry with her. This is why I simply try to have as little contact with her as i can. And in return this angers her more. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
hqFFhZ8MxabBFSZsP4adknvU3d5ro3dk
|
acry8l
|
{
"description": "getting upset at this game of monopoly",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for getting upset at this game of monopoly?
|
I had 3 railroads and a single orange property.
I wanted to trade my 3 railroads for the other two oranges. The person with the oranges refused, but was trying to trade the two oranges for the last yellow they needed for a monopoly.
The guy with the yellow refused, so I offered my three railroads for the yellow, which was accepted. I then tried to trade the yellow for the two oranges, but was then told that she wanted the railroads. I got a bit upset at this, and she told me that’s how the game is played, and she was still weighing her options. She refused the yellow which is what she wanted in the first place...
Am I the asshole for getting upset and quitting the game after having made a horrible trade that I had expected to get me to a better trade?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
EyBw5Qqevb1o7A8elGowccVZsELM8LX7
|
ba6ule
|
{
"description": "lying to a jealous gf",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for lying to a jealous gf?
|
Just for a background, my (now ex, but this episode happened a year before we broke up) gf (F27) is very insecure, jealous and because of that, controlling. I (M23) always showed her that she was the only girl in my life and never did anything close to cheating.
The day I started in my job was the same day she had a test, and if she passed (she did!) she would enter in a doctorate program. This would make our relationship easier because we would be living relatively close (2h drive instead of a 6h bus ride).
When I arrived at the office, I was the only guy, there was 4 women working there, including the HR girl who processed my admission and that my gf made it clear that she was not comfortable about me talking to her.
Anyway, I didn't want to upset my gf or get her on her nerves right before the test, so when she asked who was in the office, I said there was 2 girls, 2 guys and me.
I know it was wrong, but I did with a reason and with the full intent to tell her later that day, but what I intended was worthless. After her test, we were chatting, I slipped and she found out. Later that day we talk about it, almost broke up, but managed to stick together and work through it.
Now I wanna hear some opinions because I'm on the fence, I feel like an asshole, but at the same time I feel justified.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
cJGvQMO6AgoT3sOfZC2aJwakrBZbH9gn
|
b992hd
|
{
"description": "returning a cat to her previous owner without discussing it with her",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for returning a cat to her previous owner without discussing it with her?
|
So, this just happened and I feel massively awful. I bought a cat from really nice girl yesterday. The cat was adorable and we got along well when I visited. So, I brought him home and he seemed content at first. However, when 11 p.m. rolled around, he was suddenly incosolable, meowing at top volume, and wouldn't stop. He followed me through the flat and practially screamed when I closed a door behind me for a second. Needless to say, I didn't get a wink of sleep all night. So this went on for 7 hours, with him screaming, and me crying. I felt completely helpless and desperate and didn't know what the hell to do.
So, at 6 a.m. something inside me snapped. I took the cat and all his stuff and got a taxi to the girl's place. I rang the doorbell at 6.15 to return the cat. Now, I told her that I know this is awful but that I didn't know what to do. And she was sooo nice, it made me feel worse. Now, she texts me saying I really shouldn't feel bad and that it doesn't make any sense for the cat and I to suffer, when he is comfortable with her. Still, I feel like a massive asshole, especially for the earliness and me just coming over and giving her no choice.
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arztzi
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"description": "trying to make my girlfriend shower when she doesn't want to",
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AITA for trying to make my girlfriend shower when she doesn't want to
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My girlfriend and I live together. Have been dating for a few years, but just moved in together six months ago.
Something I had noticed a bit before, but is now really apparent since we spend even more time together is her BO. I knew she didn't like to shower when we are dating, but I didn't know she only showers once every 7-10 days. We've had conversations about how I think it should be more frequent than that (at least 3 days) and that its embarrassing that I should even mention that she smells and that if I can tell, other people can as well. She says that someone would have told her if she did. I had to let her know that one of her friends told me in confidence because it was embarrassing and my mother, friends have said things before.
She doesn't want to shower more frequently because she says the water isn't good for her hair, but doesn't have a good response when I told her I'd get her a shower cap / she doesn't have to wash her hair every time. My concern is that we've had this conversation over a dozen times, but it doesn't seem to have changed at all. She has started showering regularly at exactly 7 days, but I don't think that is enough. I feel like an AH for noticing how often she showers, but it makes it uncomfortable to sleep in the same bed (her hair smells greasy even if it doesn't feel it) and I want a little femininity out of my SO (shaven legs, etc.). Speaking of femininity, when she is on her period she doesn't want to shower since "she doesn't feel clean," which I can understand to an extent. So that adds another 3-5 days between bathing depending on where it lines up. Most recently, and what led to this post, was that day 7 she started, so she took a shower on day 11.
For me, its on the edge of accepting that we all have personal freedom to do what we'd like, yet I feel like there is a certain expectation for hygiene and that I'm not asking too much. My biggest concern is what happens when we have children and what will be acceptable/ ok then. AITA?
​
TLDR girlfriend showers once a week, I have talked to her about showering more, we are at an impasse.
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"description": "getting mad for how nice my parents are",
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AITA for getting mad for how nice my parents are?
|
My parents want to do everything for me. Give me money if I need it, mow my yard without taking payment, sell my old car for me, rake up my leaves, etc.
I love that they are so helpful. And I know some parents don't give a shit about their kids; I'm happy my parents do. But it's just too much.
I TRIED paying my dad to mow. I gave him hundreds last year and he gave it all back at Christmas. He won't let me pay when we go out to eat, either.
AITA for getting mad at this behavior? I don't express it to him. I keep it to myself.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "half jokingly telling my girlfriend that she should see a therapist because of her extreme fantasies",
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AITA For half jokingly telling my girlfriend that she should see a therapist because of her extreme fantasies?
|
My girlfriend of five months and me have an active sex life. I enjoy it, she enjoys it, whatever.
However she has very specific, extreme fantasies that i willingly participate in with some reservations. This is nsfw btw.
She likes pain and humiliation. She wants rape fantasies, whips, blindfolds, cuffs, paddles. This is all new to me but i go along with it. She asks me to hold knives and unloaded guns to her throat and head. She wants me to pretend to be a home invader, and to ravage her while her her make believe husband (a body pillow cuffed to a chair) is forced to watch.
I go along with all this and i dont really hate it. Its not my first choice but im down.
However she recently sexted me that she wanted me to make her walk naked through the streets while its freezing tonight. She didnt really mean it irl but i jokingly said "You need to see a therapist." I mean thats pretty weird right?
I didnt get a response so for damage control i typed "lol".
She texted back "whatever". She hasnt messaged back all night. Am i the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "being angry about my bf's ex",
"pronormative_score": 10,
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AITA for being angry about my bf's ex?
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So my boyfriend is always busy. We can't really talk a lot.
(Now for context) He's a handsome, hard working and respectful boyfriend.
He never ask me to buy him anything, and is open to everything.
I know he loves me...but.....
A month ago, he told me his ex came back into his life because of a certain situation.
And he's been telling me to "explore my options".
He told me that a few days before this.
When I asked why he wants me to explore my options (I basically asked do you like someone else.)
He said he found some old feelings with his ex.
I was so upset and angry with him.
I couldn't believe it. How could he do this?
Mind you, we have been going out for a year and he asked me out first.
I asked him to give me a reason why he would wait so long to tell me about her.
He said he wasn't sure yet.
He said that he was scared.
I just shut down. I have been considering breaking up with him.
I just don't want to be played with. Even with all of this, he wondered why I would always text him. (3 times a day+)
We never talk in person, so text is all I have.
I haven't told him yet...but...I still don't trust him.
Am I the asshole for being angry my bf about his ex?
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AITA for getting upset with my boyfriend
|
So I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years; we lived together for 2 years and are currently living apart because he went to grad school in another city. During this time, our cohabitation and relationship has mostly been fine, but there's been a constant disagreement over how much time he spends with his friends. For example, last summer was the last time I'd have been living with him before he went to grad school and almost everyday he spent hanging out with his friends in town, leaving almost no alone time for us.
​
This spending time with other people and not making time for me has only gotten worse since he left for grad school last fall. It seems that every time I call him or try to contact him, he's spending time with his friends (who are not in the same classes that he is taking). He says that he's always busy with classwork and he almost never sees them, but almost every time I call, he can't talk because he's playing games with them or is out to eat with them or whatever. I also know that he's not really taking his classwork seriously because he completes his projects mere hours before they are due and asks me to proofread them (which I try to complete in the small amount of time he has before submitting the papers).
​
I am also completing a university degree in my city. When I started a year-long project in the fall, I said I'd need his help with one aspect of it or I'd have to go with another idea. He said it would be no problem and promised he'd help me. The course ended up being somewhat disorganized and I only got access to the software required for the project on Friday, with the part of the project he said he'd help me with due on Monday. I asked him to come back home on Friday to help me with the project, but he said that he made plans with his friends prior and he'd help me with it remotely today/Sunday.
​
Come today and he tried to help me for an hour and we got really frustrated because the remote working solution was not working very well and I have no idea how the program works. We had a fight over it and how it seems that he's always with his friends and when I need him he's never here. That was at 2:00 PM. He then said he'd complete it on his own by tomorrow and have it for me tomorrow. I don't really like that solution because I still won't know the program and won't know how to fix it if something goes wrong. I've been trying to check up on him every hour/couple of hours to see if he's done anything on the project and if he can explain it better or something. It's now 10:30 and he has not done any work on it, even though he promised me he would. Instead, he's been playing games with his friends all day and gets upset with me when I bring up how this is a problem and we need to talk about it and how I'm stressed about my project.
​
I don't know, reddit. I don't know what this will solve. I just want to know, AITA for getting upset that my boyfriend won't help me in favour of spending time with his friends?
​
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al0kla
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"description": "stealing someones cards",
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|
AITA for stealing someones cards?
|
Hear me out!
I started playing Yugioh (nerdy, i know) a few months ago and i drew a borrelload dragon from a booster pack. It was an expensive card, at 20 a piece, but i didnt know that since i had barely just started playing . Fast forward a few days and i trade it for a dark whole and pot of duality and shit. The little mf knew he was scamming me but he just didnt care. fast forward a couple of months and he makes fun of me in front of some friends of ours for being stupid and trading clumsily. that was it, i snapped and 2 days later i stole the card in question. AITA?
i will say that a few days later i gave it back but tried to make him promice (please tell me how to spell promi_e) not to scam again. he did not promi_e and thats the story.
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HISTORICAL
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amy9tp
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"description": "not going to a test a friend wanted to me help him cheat on",
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"contranormative_score": 3
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|
AITA for not going to a test a friend wanted to me help him cheat on?
|
Hey all,
Today we're having a math test. A friend of mine, in my class, has been repeating for the past two weeks that I had to "save him" by helping him with this test. He wants me to sit next to him during the test and give him all the answer, because he knows I'm good at math, because right now, with his current grade, his failing the year.
I proposed to help him prepare the test, but it never happened. He sent me a message AGAIN yesterday, asking me that if I arrived before for the test to take two seats so that he can cheat on me.
I'll be honest in telling you that it makes me feel uncomfortable. I have no problem with helping a friend cheat so that he can pass the year, or giving him extra math lessons. Both seems fine to me. But because he's been constantly asking me makes me feel obligated.
The test is on the probability. It's the first subject of the year that I'm struggling with. So I'm not even sure I'm the one he should he cheat on. I tried to mention it to him, by answer to him when he was almost begging that "trust me, I'm struggling too this time". He didn't care. "You'll do fine, don't worry." The exam being in a few hours, I'll be honest and tell you that I don't think I'll do very good.
Now, I wake up during the night, feeling super sick. I was sick the whole week-end, but today I wake up even more sick. I'm thinking about not going to this test; I'm not someone who does well on test sick, I've tried but I would rather do it another time. It has not happened to me this year either, so I feel like there's no problem here.
But it makes me feel bad for my friend. AITA for not going? At the same time, I'm sick, so normally I wouldn't be going, but there's this whole thing around.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "commenting on my Mother in Law's Post",
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AITA For Commenting on my Mother in Law's Post?
|
So background: My MiL and I have always bad some issues. She's divorced, single, lives alone, and recently moved across the state to be closer to my husband and our 8 month old daughter.
Now onto the story. Yesterday we went out to lunch with my mother in law, my husband, and my daughter. Lunch was fine, food was great, we talked and got along just fine. I even hugged her goodbye (I'm not a touchy person so hugging her is compromising and really affectionate for me) I thought all was well. Then I get home and see she posted on social media a picture of her, my husband, and my daughter, with a message about what a nice lunch she had with just the 2 of them. I went to the bathroom during lunch, where she quickly took the picture of the three of them. (I totally understand wanting some pictures without me and wouldve taken the picture had she asked) I didn't even know about the picture until I saw it on social media. And it honestly kind of upset me that she went out of her way to make it look like I wasn't there. I didnt mind the picture, just the sneakiness of taking it while I was in the bathroom and then not tagging me in the post about lunch like I wasnt there. (Yes I know its dumb that I'm upset about social media. It's just it seemed like our relationship was on the up and the post makes it seem like she still has beef with me)
So when I saw the post I requested to tag myself in her "check in" to the restaurant we were at and commented "Lunch was great! I'm so glad the 4 of us could get together! :)" admittedly it was pretty passive aggressively addressing that she intentionally excluded me, but I think to anyone else it just looks like I enjoyed lunch with my family. She got so upset that I "attacked" her on social media that she deleted her whole profile.
So Reddit, AITA for commenting on her post?
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HISTORICAL
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|
AITA for overriding my husband and not letting BILs dog stay at our place?
|
This happened over Thanksgiving, but my husband and I still can't talk about it. It's one of those topics that instantly combusts on us.
My BIL and I don't get along. I think it's a personality thing. He's a tough guy who tends to bully people he doesn't agree with, and I'm a puppy dog who just wants love and approval. BIL decided at some point that he doesn't like me, and was never shy to leave me out of get togethers, talk bad about me around others, and otherwise act cold towards me. The important thing here is I've felt bullied by BIL my entire marriage, and BIL and husband know this.
My husband goes back and forth on whether my feelings are justified. Regardless I know that my husband will always be there for his brother.
So... Thanksgiving. My BIL is going out of town and can't take his massive Gladiator Dane with him. He asks my husband if he can watch it. Husband of course says yes. BIL (and husband) know I don't want the dog at our house.
I like the dog and my husband loves the dog, but here are my reasons: 1) BIL doesn't clean up the poo (my husband doesn't care and says he'll do it, but then doesn't for days) 2) We have a renter and I don't want to inconvenience her out of using the yard and most importantly 3) I hate that my BIL knows he can ignore my preferences, and he doesn't need to work with me on a civil level because he can go through my husband who will basically never tell him no.
So after telling his brother yes, my husband asks my "permission." I say no. Husband finally makes a compromise where he'll watch the dog at his brother's condo and his mom's house. I'm like "sure sounds great."
Except my husband was super inconvenienced by that arrangement. He had to drive around a ton over Thanksgiving to make it work. Also, he thinks I need to get over my feelings about his brother. And finally he feels like he has no say over what's allowed at his home. He's got some strong feelings about this and he holds it all against me.
So AITA for sticking to my guns on the dog scenario?
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HISTORICAL
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|
AITA for refusing to make my kid apologize?
|
AITA So my mom has always been some what (okay a lot) of an authoritarian style parent. There were a lot of time growing up where I didn't agree with her about something but was not allowed to voice that. And honestly even now, there are some of those times.
I love my mom, she's the strongest person I ever met. But because of this I have never shared much of my personal life with her. I try to open up more now, because I want an open relationship with her. And, to her credit she has tried a lot harder to be less strict but she's still her own way.
Well because of this I have made it a point to involve my son in our lives as much as makes since given his age etc. he has always been given a voice.
Okay so let's get the background over... I'm a single mother to a 5 year old boy with several allergies. Some severe and some mild. Including an array of food allergies. My mother babysits him while I am at work. This generally means she is feeding him about one meal a week by my request, and sometimes he gets junk or treats there too.
Well recently my mom was feeding him and the other kids (cousins) some dinner which happened to be cooked with an ingredient my son is allergic to. It's complicated to explain the nature of that particular allergy but while he will likely not die from it, he is still usually caused a bit of discomfort when he eats it. Hives, itchy mouth, etc. Typically if it is cooked and he gets some, it's okay. But he has reacted to cooked too. So even though his epipen isn't for that specific food, we avoid it. Basically he *can* eat it and not die but really shouldn't and he and I have decided together he won't.
Well mom told him he had to eat his dinner or he was going to be in big trouble. When he said no again she told him he was grounded from
Screens all night until he cleaned his plate. My son's reply was "Fine. I don't care how much trouble I'm in I am NOT eating that. You can't make me."
Well of course my mom was livid when I got there to get him. And she had told me he has to apologize before he can come back.
I told her that I can't make him do that. I have taught him from day 1 that he can refuse to eat any food he's allergic to. No adult can make him poison himself. And I will 100% back that up.
Now mom is saying we are both AH's and need to apologize to her. That she knows which foods he is deathly allergic to and which ones are "fine as long as he has antihistamines if he gets hives."
So, AITA? And was my son holey-jr?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "being uncomfortable around my friends older gf",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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|
AITA for being uncomfortable around my friends older gf?
|
My(m18) friend(f18) has gotten a new boyfriend who's quite a bit older than us(28+). I invited her over when she told me she was bringing her bf because her car was under repair. I dont feel comfortable around her bf due to him being this much older than us so I cancelled and explained it to her. Now after a few months of not talking I contacted her and told her that I had now gotten into a relationship, but then she suggested a double date and I said no due to me not being comfortable with her boyfriend, to which she replied with saying she isnt comfortable with my girlfriend. I dont want to poose a friend but am I the asshole in this situation?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "accidentally taking a machine at the gym",
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|
AITA for accidentally taking a machine at the gym?
|
About two weeks ago I was at the gym and was training back. I arrived and went to do lat pull downs, low rows, and straight leg dead lifts (all 4 x 10 sets), so I’ve been here for a solid 20 minutes already.
I knew I needed the cable machine for my next exercise (straight arm pull downs) and needed a straight bar to do the exercise. I knew I needed to do these when I walked in but wanted to do the others first, and for the entire time I was doing the preceding 3 exercises there has been a cable free but with a water bottle and towel next to it. The reason why I didn’t the cable earlier was because I was going to do another 2 exercises on them on top of the one I was planning on doing, and didn’t want to lose the cable just in case. If I did them one after the other then I could stay on it as long as I needed.
So I head over to the cable that has the towel and bottle (again, haven’t seen anyone use the cable for 20 or so minutes), and look around to catch anyone’s eyes to let me know it’s theirs. I wait for about 30secs to a minute and take off the rope attachment and attach the straight bar. A couple of guys ask me for the rope attachment and I give it to them, then I start doing my first set.
As soon as I finish the owner of the towel and bottle taps me on the shoulder and says “You do realise you just took my machine mate”, and I immediately apologised and tried to get the rope he was using but couldn’t find any left. I apologised again and explained I didn’t see anyone here and he was visibly mad.
I explained to him that I haven’t seen anyone here using the cable for 20 mins, to which he explained he was on some other machine doing another set. He said “You should have asked around” and “A little gym etiquette goes a long way”. He walked off pissed and did something else on another machine, didn’t even want his machine back when I offered.
Don’t get me wrong here guys, I understand that I’ve outright taken someones machine at the gym - not cool. But WIBTA if I asked around and 3 (for example) people said they haven’t see anyone use the machine I want? WIBTA if I took his secondary machine that didn’t have his towel and bottle? Would I have to ask around for THAT machine?
Am I 100% in the wrong here? Where and how far does gym etiquette go for someone not occupying a machine for a noticeable amount of time? Also not sure if worth mentioning but this is my first gym etiquette/workout related incident, I try to be as civil as possible.
Much appreciated guys!
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{
"description": "not wanting to give my car to a relative for free",
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|
AITA for not wanting to give my car to a relative for free?
|
Ok basically my old beater car, a 2004 sunfire had broke down, so we got it towed to a mechanic to see what was wrong with it. In the meantime my mom got a new car and I had been driving her old one. The mechanic got back to us saying it just needed a new battery but we didn't have enough space for three cars so I told my mom if she covered the fixing cost I could sell it, and she agreed.
Well today I told her that I had been trying to find a buyer for $600 and she told me that I should give it to my late stepdads nephew. I told her that I didn't want to give it away for free and she said that I should. But I kept saying I wouldn't because it just got new brakes, new battery, oil changed recently and I put a new radio in it. So I wanted to get at least $600 for it. My mom kept guilt tripping me into giving away my car but I kept saying no. Then she says "fine, sell it. But if you do you're gonna give me the money because I paid for the brake repairs." I said that was bullshit and I'm not gonna do that because I'm pretty pressed for cash right now, being a student. She told me if I did sell it she would take the money but since I've been taking law I told her that she can't legally do that. Now she's being petty and guilt tripping me and saying "I won't do shit for you."
I'm being steadfast in my position but I'm wondering if I am actually being an asshole.
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RIGHT
|
fBPD70iXR7SEYKflcf8Q4ciPXy1X1c50
|
b9klm1
|
{
"description": "playing a fun game with the kids I babysit",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for playing a fun game with the kids I babysit.
|
So I was babysitting some kids who are all under the age of six.
The dad comes home and we all start mucking around and playing, he stared doing this thing with the kids where he would yell pound that shit and you would fist bump.
I have never seen kids laugh that much over something that silly, so I recorded the 6 and 4 year old doing it.
I posted it on my snap story and the next day I wake up to a message from this girl who is telling me that teaching kids swear words at that age is bad.
I said that we where just having fun and they never use the words outside of the house, she took offense to me thinking it was ok and replied saying that she would never teach her son those words.
I understand it's a bad word, but they had so much fun.
aita for playing around?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
tnLgi3p4YtErHRw50CypsqnuIr5FcUz6
|
axnby3
|
{
"description": "wanting to host goodbye drinks for a friend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For wanting to host goodbye drinks for a friend
|
I am in University in the UK at the moment, one of my good friends is dropping out and moving home next week. I am wanting to host a 'goodbye drinks' for him at the end of the week, this is the problem:
Recently he has been having problems in his relationship and personal life recently, on Thursday he got agressive and hit his girlfriend in the nightclub (we are all in a close friend group) so everyone got very angry at him and he got kicked out the nightclub. They have since broken up.
A lot of people are saying they are not going to attend (Which is fine with me) but people are getting angry at the thought of bringing him to our block of flats, even going as far as to say they'll 'beat him up'.
All I want to do is give him a good sendoff as he is a good friend of mine and was also my flatmate last year, he's helped me through a lot and we have a lot of good memories. It would kill me if he left without anyone saying goodbye to him after living in here and being in the friend group for 2 years. I have not forgiven him for hitting her, I am simply looking past it just for one night, doesn't he atleast deserve that?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
qmcTDcSra5z4v0eCE5Aix5CR6CZYlTJE
|
aa7upi
|
{
"description": "being a snitch",
"pronormative_score": 39,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for being a snitch?
|
So on Christmas Eve my fiance and me visited my parents. We ate dinner, drank a little wine... everything was fine.
My fiance excused himself and went to the bathroom - exactly then the topic of the conversation turned to a family my parents are friends with. They have 3 grown children (aged 30-40, I guess) and two of them are married. The third one - let's call him 'Steve' - is still single, slightly depressed and struggling with loneliness but also making lots of money. Nice guy overall and I have known him for years, but I'm not exactly friends with him.
Out of the blue my mother said to me 'Well, Steve - that would've been a catch! You wouldn't have to work at all if you would have married Steve! And I know he always had an eye on you. Missed chance right here!'
...just seconds later my fiance re-entered the room and there was suddenly dead silence. He didn't here a thing and I didn't get to say anything either - the moment was just...over.
I was/am totally pissed since she really overstepped boundaries of the acceptable here - I love my fiance and I'm not the type of girl that cares about marrying someone significantly richer (my mom followed that path though).
I always thought they got along well... maybe she was just a little wine-drunk and didn't think much of it?
Here is my question: I told my fiance about the whole ordeal because it really got to me and now he - too - is (understandably) pissed at my mother. I had a one on one talk with her, too, of course and let her know that I discussed the situation with my fiance as well and now she is mad at me for causing 'unnecessary drama'/making her uncomfortable.
She also claims it was just fun and kind of portrays me as a snitch.
Am I the asshole? Should I have kept it to myself?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 35,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 39,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
BrfPG8B9QjpBrJs7CxDt2YH3baBTN7av
|
ajql6y
|
{
"description": "expecting stepson to do his chores still now that he gas a job",
"pronormative_score": 41,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for expecting stepson to do his chores still now that he gas a job
|
My 17 year old step son loves with dh and I full time. He has been assigned the bare minimum of chores to help the household. Specifically putting the garbage cans to the curb and back, scooping the cat boxes twice a week and unloading the dishwasher every other day. He's is extemely lazy and it's a battle for dh to get him to complete these tasks every week. It is a constant source of stress for dh.
Step son recently got hired to work part time at local fast food restaurant, but hasn't yet started. Dh got home from work last night to find that stepson hadn't done any chores, and instead had been playing video games for the 5 hours since he got home from school. After initially telling him off for it, followed it up with, but it's not your fault there are two other kids who should be doing this stuff too. Meaning our six and nine year old sons.
He then comes upstairs to me and asks why younger sons didn't bring up the cans or unload the dishwasher. My response see was that those weren't their chores, that they did the chores assigned to them. Dh then responded that the younger boys will have to start doing step sons chores because he got job at fast food restaurant. He then walked away aggitated without me responding.
So here is my question, am I the asshole to say that it's not the younger kids responsibility to pick up step sons chores because he has a part time job? The younger kids have their own chores, and they are quite frankly more involved and take more time and effort than step sons. Step son still lives here full time and still doesn't pay rent or anything, so he is working just for his own pocket money. I don't think this absolves him of the responsibility of helping to take care of the household. I feel dh just sees this as an easy way to absolve himself of the stress and headache of enforcing these expectations on stepson, by pushing the burden onto the little kids.
So Reddit, tell me, am I the asshole if I tell dh that this is not ok and step son still has to contribute around the house and it is not the responsibility of the six and nine year old to pick up the slack?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 41,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 41,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
oDhThIQxgvgSr6ON08IPIUITU26ZKHiQ
|
a2sgdz
|
{
"description": "feeling sad that my boyfriend wants to use tinder for making friends",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for feeling sad that my boyfriend wants to use tinder for making friends?
|
A little background, I (22M) have been feeling extremely sad that my boyfriend (same age) have a tinder account, he claims that he uses to meet new people to be friends with, and after i spend hours talking about that’s not what tinder ir for, how that makes me sad. And yet he still says that he uses it in a different way and that relationships are based on trust and that i’m to blame for not trusting, but decided to delete so that could make me feel better.
Months later, he is caught using his account, a friend of mine showed me a match and a conversation with him, he’s actually looking for friends (i read the conversation) and after a few days he deleted.
After hearing that, i chose not to talk in the day i found out, tried to calm myself down before talking to him, and after 3 days of not sleeping well we went to sleep together, and at the middle of the night (4am) i couldn’t hold it anymore, woke him up and we had a calm conversation, where he acted a lot nervous, tried to lie at the beginning but he was cornered, then briefly apologised and started to blame me for holding this much time not sleeping well instead of talking to him at the time, and waking him up really late.
More details:
-He’s my first boyfriend, we’ve been together for 9 months already, have plans on spending christmas and new years eve with my family and have a trip planned to cancun.
If I’m TA: what do you people suggest that i can do to help it?
If he’s being TA: how can i talk to him out of it? It really bugs me, he says that i need to just trust him, i do, but i feel that he first needs to give me reason to trust, like, i don’t know... a facebook relationship status with me (he says that these statuses are stupid and even with me saying that i would feel better he doesn’t want it)
... i need to trust that he’s not looking for someone else... because he should first break up with me before doing that...
Is there anything i could do/say so that our relationship becomes better?
(Sorry about the english, it’s not my first language)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
4fR96aTYFV8CWWttDvD0AwLyUepUk4g8
|
axsgov
|
{
"description": "not doing my SO's paperwork",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not doing my SO’s paperwork?
|
I’m 24, she’s 28. We’ve been together almost 7 years. Apparently, according to what happened today. I don’t do anything for her unless it’s convenient for me and I also ignore her.
I go to college and work a full-time job, I used to work 2 jobs. I pay the vast majority of all the bills. But my hours just got cut recently, so I was kind of relying on her to pick up the slack.
Anyway, I come home from my morning math class to take her work. She’s pretending to be sick (she has depression, I do too but I take meds. She refuses to get help at this point), anyway she says she isn’t going to go to work. She’s been pulling this for the past couple weeks on and off. I tell her hey, if you don’t turn in your paperwork today you won’t get paid.
This is where it gets ridiculous, instead of her asking me to do her paperwork she assumes I’m just going to. After I told her no, she basically tells me how useless I am the entire ride to work. Just a bunch of BS. Now she’s at home “packing,” to leave me and still hasn’t turned in her paperwork.
Anyway, AITA for not doing her paperwork?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
9tGLkn5IvCypHZ6xb7uyXh5srhy1sSHs
|
atgtxs
| null |
AITA here? Wife vs husband
|
I (31F) have had to find some interesting ways to let out my bad emotions without hurting anyone's feelings. I have started just typing out statuses on Facebook, and deleting them.. Never posting them. Well, yesterday I accidentally posted it. While I know now, that I totally need to just use the notepad when doing that, it has caused QUITE the issue for my marriage. My husband (36M) isn't a "talker", and anytime I've brought up any issues I feel WE as a couple need to work in, his response has ALWAYS been the same " If you feel that way we don't need to be together" I chalked that up to immaturity he would grow out of.
Now as for the post. Nobody sae it BUT my husband, and he's not happy. It was basically a long the lines of "I wait all day, with nobody to talk to, excited for my husband to walk in the door only to be shot down and made to feel like I annoy him"
Personally, I don't think it's bad, and yes, it should've never been in a social media platform.. But again it was an ACCIDENT (and no that doesn't excuse the fact that I should have typed my feelings out on notepad and I fully understand that now)
Here is the issue for me: instead of addressing the issue, he skipped past that to tell at me about how whenever I have an issue I run to Facebook. Which I do, I have found it's the only effective way to get his attention, even if it's negative.. Another fault of mine I need to work on. Anyways, so he's yelling at me about that and some minor inconvenience happens and now he is full on screaming in my fave about how I complain about my life (I don't, and I thank him daily for everything he does and gives me he was just mad at me)
I'm a domestic abuse survivor so the most important part of this is that the man I love was screaming in my face.
Am I the ass hole? I mean do I deserve this screaming at? I just want to make sure I'm not out of line with being upset.
Also, I know we need to work on communication and other problems. I've suggested couples therapy, and he laughed in my face.
(Sorry if this is all over the place my mind is a bit scrambled at the moment)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
BcJFdBhBj0LCGU5oo6KSCoDb1ndVmOlH
|
adimxc
|
{
"description": "ditching my bestfriend/roomate when I have developed feelings for her",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ditching my bestfriend/roomate when I have developed feelings for her?
|
To cut a long story short. I live with one of my bestfriends. We've been friends for years and been through a lot of shit together. Ive realised recently that ive started to have feelings for her. I told her my feelings and she said she didn't feel the same. I was bummed out but thought I could get past it. We do everything with eachother and im the only person she really hangs around with when shes not at work.
Fast forward to yesterday and she tells me shes going out on a date. My heart fell into my stomach and I realised I can't really continue doing this. Its not healthy for me. Ive decided to go back to my parents for a few weeks to sort myself out but i feel like ive just sort of ditched her and I feel awful about it. She described me as "her person" and that she doesnt know what shes going to do without me. Shes not doing great at the moment and I feel like im letting her down. I know shes upset that im going and when we said goodbye it was really hard. We were both struggling not to cry. I just feel like an asshole for ditching her like that due to my feelings towards her. Shes loosing her bestfriend and shes done nothing wrong.
I just feel awful.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
JaaSQsn9lCi9BwaxVeJO1nM7Z979P4qP
|
ba9cc7
|
{
"description": "supposedly ruining my girlfriends big moment after she received a prestigious scholarship",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for supposedly ruining my girlfriends big moment after she received a prestigious scholarship?
|
My girlfriend and I are in our early 20’s and have been together for 6 months. A few days ago she found out she was selected as a Fulbright finalist and will be moving to Europe in August for 10 months. I’m extremely proud of her and I’m happy that she’s fulfilling her dreams but I can’t help but feel a little sad that she’s leaving. I’ve been trying my best to keep those feelings contained and to just be happy for her but it’s been a little difficult and I’ve sort of been distant with her these past few days.
Last night we were at a bar celebrating this girls birthday party but also kind of celebrating my girlfriends huge achievement. Long story short, she started posting on Instagram and Snapchat right next to me about how she’ll be living in Europe in a few months and will meet one of her friends in Paris. I didn’t say anything but having her flaunt that in my face when she knows it’s a sensitive subject brought down my mood and made me shut down. She then went to the bathroom so I got on my phone for a little bit and was still on it when she came back because I was reading something. Admittedly, I didn’t really feel like talking at that moment and the phone was my escape but I couldn’t have been on there for more then 5 minutes after she came back. She then told me I looked miserable and to go home if I was having such a bad time. I told her I wasn’t having a bad time and I was here for her. I questioned why she was upset and she kept telling me to just go home because I looked miserable but I said no. She said she was leaving and Ubering home then and as I followed her out of the bar she kept turning around telling me to stop following her. She got in her Uber outside and called out to me saying “BABE” implying she wanted me to follow her and get in the car but I just said “No, I’m not going with you” so she gave me the middle finger and took off. That last bit made me upset and I texted her afterwards asking what the problem was and said that this wasn’t some game where she runs away and I immediately go chasing after her. She said I looked miserable when I was on my phone and humiliated her because I couldn’t even hold a conversation. Today we talked about it more and she says that she’s incredibly hurt because it’s unfair for her to have to censor her excitement around me. She says my excitement for her isn’t genuine and that I say all the right things but don’t mean them. She says she understands that I’m sad but if the roles were reversed she would at least make sure I felt celebrated and excited first and foremost and that after the celebration we would start having those conversations about how she’s feeling. In response I said, “If it was me getting a huge award I would like to celebrate with you but I would try to avoid flaunting it in your face until we’ve really talked about it. I’d know that something this big is obviously a good thing but it affects you too as my girlfriend so I’d try to be aware of your feelings.”
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
mii8NrivumKmAAcByD1VoksV7vILBl0D
|
at779e
|
{
"description": "driving in the left lane of the interstate, and briefly using my brights",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for driving in the left lane of the interstate, and briefly using my brights?
|
I had an hour long drive home from a flight, mostly on an interstate through countryside in the dark. I typically drive 5 mph over the speed limit, but I'll often speed up when passing other cars. Most cars were driving a little slower and no one was in the left lane, so I got in the left lane to pass them slowly (I sped up a little). Eventually, a car flashed its brights at me from a distance behind me. I responded by speeding up a bit more (to about 8-9 mph over the speed limit), and looking for a gap in the right lane.
I soon found a small gap, where I pulled into that lane to give him a brief opportunity to pass me, but I reentered the left lane because I reached the end of that gap before he even caught up with me. When he caught up, he flashed me multiple times, as I was looking for another gap in the right lane.
When I found a longer gap, I pulled into the right lane again, and he passed me. As he passed, I looked at him to judge him, which he hard countered by flipping me off.
I might have overreacted, because he had the gall to flash his brights repeatedly AND flip me off, even though I was trying to be accommodating. I thought he felt entitled to have the passing lane to himself. After he passed, I left my brights on a for a few seconds to push back against his behavior (I figured it was justified, since he flashed me repeatedly). He responded by break checking me.
At that point, I gave up because I felt that he was playing a game of chicken at dangerous speeds. I saw/memorized his license plate in case he escalated further, but he soon took his exit. I regretted using my brights, and it was kind of a wakeup call about how dangerous people can be on the road.
AITA for getting in his way / responding with my brights? Is there any safe / appropriate way to push back against bad behavior on the road, or is no response the best response?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
dn9Lc1b0s28dXiQAFtPKSLnAlwZGB3iV
|
adl4lj
|
{
"description": "almost hitting a lady in the crosswalk who wasn't obeying the crossing guard",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for almost hitting a lady in the crosswalk who wasn't obeying the crossing guard?
|
This happened this morning while driving my kid to school.
The crosswalks near the school are all manned by a crossing guard. I've been driving through this intersection for 3 years and have never had an issue before.
I pulled up to the intersection and the crossing guard had the other cross-direction of traffic halted and the pedestrians/students were crossing. I began to drive through the intersection (same direction as the pedestrians crossing with the crossing guard) and a woman walking dogs proceeds in front of my vehicle and then starts yelling at me for going and almost hitting her. I yelled back "there's a crossing guard you need to follow" and she yells back "I'm not part of the school" like she doesn't need to respect the crossing guard. There are people at all other corners respecting the crossing guard guidance.
Was I wrong in proceeding consistent with the crossing guard or should I have assumed that the lady walking dogs doesn't need to follow the crossing guard and was going to walk out in front of me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
Sy2yr6hkSvEKZ6J8CkbeXtxsrRDtziG1
|
a23zn1
|
{
"description": "demanding my friend give my stuff back, and then avoiding them afterwards",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If I demanded my friend give my stuff back, and then avoid them afterwards?
|
I have a friend who ever since middle school I have been taking care of them. If they wanted a late night phone call, I picked up. If they were hungry, I bought or made them food. I drove them all over the place, spent more time with them than anyone else (mainly because they would throw a fit if I hung out with others without them even though we hung out alone more than anyone). I spent a lot of time an energy on this person but never seemed to have it reciprocated. They would constantly bring up my past mistakes and hold them against me, criticize my thoughts or opinions, and never as far as I can remember pay me back or say thank you for the transportation or food... but I never held it against them.
2 years ago I was moving out of the country but was on not so great terms with my parents. the move was pretty unexpected and my parents were not equipped to see me leave. I was sharing and paying for a storage unit with them up until then but they said I could either take my stuff or throw it out. They were intending moving it all to another smaller unit. I ended up throwing a lot out (and giving a lot to said friend). A few choice items that were too important to throw out but would be way too expensive to ship, I was able to leave at the house of above mentioned friends parents. I was really thankful for this and told them if they wanted to use any of the stuff they were more than welcome, I just wanted it back when I either found the money to move it or found the room to store it. They chose to use some but leave most at their parents house.
Fast forward a year or so later, I'm on way better terms with my parents now. I visit them a few times a year and always try to make time to visit my friends. My parents knew I had some stuff stored at friends parents house, and told me they would be happy to store it for me so it's easier to grab whenever I need it.
I tried to contact my friend to ask when would be a good time for them and their parents for us to go and get it and me to move it to my parents place, but they left me on read. This was really concerning since they had mentioned their parents were planning on moving and I didnt want to burden them with the extra stuff. This was 6 months ago. They replied to a different message about a trip we were planning, where they wanted to cancel, and never acknowledged the message. By that time I was gone so I couldn't take care of it anyway, and let it slide.
Recently I've discovered that a lot of my old friends will not reply to me. Especially this one individual, they will either leave me on read for days or outright refuse to reply. I've reached out multiple times through social media or postcards, with no or if I'm lucky a long awaited reply. It's really gotten to me. The only friend I have left who isnt ignoring me happened to be their roommate, who I fully intend to try and maintain a friendship with.
Because of the lack of communication, and constantly being taken advantage of or emotionally manipulated throughout our entire friendship, I fully intend to cut this individual out of my life. I really tried to keep them in my life, but it feels like I'm trying to hold on too much to the friendship and its hurting me a lot. After I get my stuff back. But it's gotten to the point where I feel like I need to tell them I'm going on X day at X time to get my stuff and if they want to come they can but I need it back sooner than later (if ever at all). This upcoming trip is my last chance where I will have the free time and resources to move the items. I'm not asking for their help in moving the items, I just want to be able to take them to my parents unit, especially if her parents are still planning on moving.
WIBTA if I took my stuff back (with or without them there) and cut them out of my life?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
wSQoeDYU2EVkMb6RDBkatFCMl5WV9g5c
|
ap1mez
|
{
"description": "telling my friend he should get himself vaccinated for measles",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my friend he should get himself vaccinated for measles?
|
http://imgur.com/gallery/xf6Yew8
Long time lurker, first time poster on this sub. I'm also on mobile, so I apologize for any formatting issues.
Just for some background, I am up to date on all my vaccines, including MMR (Measles-Mumps-Rubella). However, despite being vaccinated against measles, vaccinated adults still have about a 3% chance of getting infected (although in their case it won't be nearly as bad as for those that are not vaccinated).
Recently, I have been one of those 3% that has contracted measles. I've stayed inside the house to limit my contact with people who may be immunocompromised.
It's also important to note that I spent about an hour together hanging out with this guy before my symptoms started, so he may be infected as well. He is not vaccinated as his father does not "believe" in them and he has gotten through school being unvaccinated due to "religious reasons."
When I told him I thought I had the measles today, he admitted this to me. I told him there are ways he can get vaccinated without his father knowing and he seems to not care and is being incredibly patronizing and defensive. All I told him was that it would be beneficial to the common good if he were to contribute to herd immunity.
So, am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
RXztzvwIOLntxJyLH9F1nFUOIaJr2tLf
|
a5l7kv
|
{
"description": "farting on my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for farting on my girlfriend?
|
So I am currently dealing with the blowback (pun intended) of my actions last night. Not to worry, this will be short.
Last night my girlfriend and had just got done watching christmas movies and drinking hot chocolate. The apartment was full of good Christmas vibes. After finishing our hot chocolate, we noticed it was getting a bit late and so we decided to hit the sack.
Now in bed, we started spooning. I being the big spoon and her the little spoon. This was probably the most comfortable spooning sesh to date in our relationship and I was on the cusp of falling asleep when I hear my girlfriend say: “uh oh, i have to toot.” I immediately told her to turn the other way. She did not and fired away. Good thing it was a small one, but still, kinda gross. Instead of getting mad, I brushed it off and went back to spooning. Not 2 minutes passed and she says: “uh oh, I have to toot again” and fired away.
At this point, I was like “what the hell!?” She barely gave me enough time to react and so I got hit by this one full forced. Also, this fart was bigger than the last and she was giggling at me while I was freaking out/trying to escape the blast zone.
While trying to escape the smell, naturally, a bible verse popped into my head. “Do unto others as you would have them do to you” . So I turned my ass canon towards my girlfriend and fired off a triumphant fart with impressive force. Little did I know, she had turned around towards me at the exact moment and received that monstrosity in the face. She instantly gets mad at me for farting in her face and ran to the bathroom pissed off. She eventually comes back but won’t talk to me.
This morning she tries to give me shit about “disrespecting” her and I respond with “If you can’t play with the big dogs, stay on the porch.”
Reddit, AITA??
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"description": "blowing up my boyfriends phone? we've been together almost 8 mos (long distance, recently) and out of nowhere he stopped answering my calls and texts and won't return them. last conversation we had we were fine",
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|
AITA for blowing up my boyfriends phone? We've been together almost 8 mos (long distance, recently) and out of nowhere he stopped answering my calls and texts and won't return them. Last conversation we had we were fine.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "throwing out my ex wife's photo albums",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 14
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|
AITA for throwing out my ex wife’s photo albums?
|
I’ll keep it short: My ex and I divorced a few years ago after about 2 years of marriage. Recently going through my basement and found her old photo albums, these were her childhood and teenage pictures (she must have forgotten about them when she moved out). Without thinking I put them in the “throw away” pile (I was cleaning out old and unneeded stuff) and these got sent to the dump.
Thinking about it now: was I an asshole for doing that? We haven’t spoken since the divorce so I wouldn’t want to contact her about the albums anyway. Also our marriage ended badly (she was unfaithful and demanded a lot in divorce settlement despite it being a short marriage).
But these were her childhood pictures. Am I an asshole?
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{
"description": "not correcting my roommate/best friend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 5
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|
AITA for not correcting my roommate/best friend?
|
Okay so I’ve been friends with this girl for a little over a year, we’re roommates now and through the months she observed me wearing my reading glasses. Strictly for reading. Somehow she came to the conclusion all on her own that I also wear contacts. She’s mentioned/asked how I take care of my “contacts” and I’ve ignored her. I’ve been struggling if I should correct her and tell her that I’ve never had contacts, I don’t even really need glasses to read either (no offense to those who do where glasses- I only wear reading glasses to make it easier).
Like I said, I’ve known her for a little over a year so I feel like it would be a little awkward to correct her now. Plus, she may accuse me of lying to her all this time when that’s not true. Should I correct her? Am I the asshole?
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"description": "getting a colleague fired",
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|
AITA for getting a colleague fired?
|
Buckle up. Long Story Time!
I (22 Year old Female) used to work at a bank as an Audio Visual technician, and our Team Lead left, leaving a spot to fill. Instead of hiring a new Lead, they promoted me, and found a new technician (36 Year old Male, Married, 2 Year old Daughter) to fill my job role.
As the new lead, I was in charge of training this new tech, who had no prior experience in AV, so I went back to basics, and essentially went real slow with the training and explaining everything fully. I thought I was being careful and considerate by really being thorough, BOY I was wrong.
We'd gone into the storage room to sort through some old kit that needed to be thrown away. He picked up a bunch of cables, and just threw them straight into the recycle box. I politely asked him why he did that, and he just said they need to be thrown. He hadn't even looked at what cables they were. I've literally turned round and said "Don't be so ignorant, separate the cables out and test them before you just thrown them away. They could still be useful". No word of lie, hes gone fucking bonkers at me.. "Stop talking to me as if I am stupid. I am a 36 Year Old Man, with a respectable job, a loving wife and a 2 Year old daughter. I do NOT need to take orders from a self-involved 22 year old woman who thinks she can boss me round". Oh boy. I lost the plot. I've only gone and literally shouted at the top of my lungs "Don't talk to me as if I am a fucking baby". Safe to say, everyone and their mum heard in the office.
I took a step back from training him from this point. I couldn't be asked to deal with someone so highly strung that they thought the world evolved round him, so I assigned one of the other AV techs (a man) the task of training him. A couple days later I was approached by this tech and he asked if we could speak privately. He explained to me that this nut job had spent the last few days bitching the hell about me.. "She's a woman, I don't need to take orders from her. She's young enough to be my daughter. She's stupid. She's blonde. Who the fuck put her in charge" You name the insult, he said it about me.
I spoke to my Account Manager and he was moved to Hardware, and a week later, he was removed from site entirely.
No one ever really confirmed to me whether I was the reason he was removed from site, but a week after he was removed from site I heard that he was raising a complaint about me in the workplace. "Unfair dismissal" he said.
I got my account manager and colleague to vouch that this guy was a basic bitch nut job, and we heard nothing since.
So my question is, AITA for getting this man fired?
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{
"description": "asking my gf to move across country for me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 7
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|
AITA for asking my gf to move across country for me?
|
I am finishing up my last year of medical school, and got accepted into a 2 year residency program across the country, with a 3 hour time difference.
She recently got accepted into a really good job, which has a lot of potential for growth. The city that I’m moving to doesn’t have great job prospects in her field. She has all of her family here. She has all of her friends here. Asking her to move would be asking her to give up a lot, as I’m tied into this move and don’t have a choice.
We are very in love, and we have talked about us getting married and having kids, and talk about it all the time. I feel extremely upset about this, and that we are forced to do long distance.
I already asked her once, if she would move, but she cited the above reasons for why she can’t, and she was crying that I would even ask.
But still, I want to ask again, and really have a serious conversation about it. AITA???
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"description": "believing this girl working as a dancer was really into me? I'm crushed and my friends are being so harsh I'd like a neutral opinion",
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"contranormative_score": 23
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|
AITA for believing this girl working as a dancer was really into me? I'm crushed and my friends are being so harsh I'd like a neutral opinion.
|
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
Background: two weeks ago I found out my girlfriend of 5 years has been cheating on me with her much older supervisor. It is devastating because I'm getting my masters in engineering, have a job lined up at an almost Fortune 500 company, I'm in good shape and decent looking and she's been fucking the out of shape alcoholic manager at Applebee's. My self esteem is shit right now.
My friends decided to take me to a strip club last night and I was finally having a good time. I really likes one dancer and my friends bought me a couple of table dances with her. She asked if I wanted to go VIP and I told her I didn't have much money. She said don't worry about that my friends told her I was having a hard time with a break up and she just wanted to chill anyways. So we wend back to an essentially private area. She danced for me and I gave her the $100 I had but after that we just sat and talked for maybe 30 minutes and then she kissed me and we made out for maybe like 45 minutes. When she first kissed me I told her I didn't have any more money and she told me to paraphrase "I'm a 20 year old college girl, I like to kiss cute boys." It was an incredible experience and it felt amazing to just not think about my ex for a few hours.
The club was closing and I asked her if I could see her again, she said she had to change and I should wait for her in the parking lot. My friends told me she was just messing with me and all left. I waited for about an hour and she never came out. Using some stuff she told me I was able to triangulate her Instagram and tried to send her a message. She instantly blocked me.
I got an uber and met my friends at Waffle House and they are being so harsh saying that she wasn't really into me and I told them I didn't give her that much money and what she said about me being cute. They say that she was like a drug dealer and offering me the first "hit" for cheap to keep me coming back where I'll start spending real money and maybe even she was a prostitute and that's why she blocked me oh instragram and why she never came out. Basically they say she played me like an asshole. I want to go back tonight and try to explain to her I'm not a creep and I just had a nice time. My friends say I'd be a real asshole then as she'd call the cops on me or worse see me as a sad puppy dog with a well paying internship and want to bleed me dry.
I've been through so much turmoil over the past few weeks I don't even know which way is up so am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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{
"description": "asking my friend if she intentionally misleads me",
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|
AITA for asking my friend if she intentionally misleads me?
|
I have a friend who I go on holidays with and is great in so many ways.. kind, caring and great fun. However when she knows there is a trip I wouldn't be interested in going on she will ask me to go with her and then when there/ very close to the time switch what we had agreed to do. For example she knows when I travel I like to take my time and see a country... she asked me to spend 8 weeks with her in Vietnam. On the first day she said her friends told her 8 weeks was too much and we should go to Thailand and Cambodia is well. I (gay male 31) have lots of other friends I travel with while she (33 straight female) complains all her friends are married with kids. I felt bad leaving them alone and also didn't want to spend a month by myself. We had an okay time but stayed where she wanted to stay and did what she wanted to do 90% of the time. This was two summer's okay. This summer she asked me to spend two days with her in Ljubljana. I said yes thinking it would be short and sweet. She asked if I wanted to go canyoning while there.. I agreed not knowing it was in lake bled nearly two hours away! I never would have agreed if I knew it wasn't near the city and I'm sure she knew this! We had an ok time but I was a bit annoyed.... but I'm an idiot and let it happen again. I live in munich and she asked to visit me and go skiing for one day in a town nearby. I agreed and changed my flights to return from Xmas early... once the flight was booked she invited two other friends and planned to stay in a ski lodge 4 hours away from munich at a cost of 700 euro! At that stage I questioned myself but because I was busy at work agreed... today on the trip I asked her did she suggest munich because she knew I would say no to the 4 day trip( she had asked me previously to go skiing for 3 days and I said no.) I am pretty sure she knew I would have not agreed to the other of the two trips if she been honest about what they were. Am I the asshole for thinking this? Also I have suggested and offer she goes on trips I planned but she never wants to go unless it's where she wants to go...
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{
"description": "telling my wife off for having her mom in the room when she was giving birth",
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|
AITA for telling my wife off for having her mom in the room when she was giving birth
|
My wife and I agreed from the beginning that we would be the only people in the room when she was going through labor/birth. Her mother and I also don’t get along very well, and neither of us wanted that stress the day of.
There was an issue and I was late getting to the hospital, not by a ton though. There was still 3+ hours of labor until the baby came. However, by the time I got there, my wife had called her mother and told her to come. It caused a lot of tension and made the process pretty uncomfortable for me, and thus made it harder to support my wife. We didn’t get that special one on one time with the baby either (we initially planned on having a full day of just us, but it ended up only being a few hours) and I’m really upset about it.
It’s been a few weeks and my wife asked me why I am so moody about the topic of the birth, and I exploded at her for violating the plan that we had from the beginning. She cried and blamed me for being late and then told me she wouldn’t discuss it further because I had yelled. AITA here??
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{
"description": "ghosting my ex",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
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|
AITA For ghosting my ex?
|
Long story short, while on a trip I met a girl, we both had our first time to each other 1 night after we met, and we tried long distance. We met twice, but after the second time, I entered senior year in high school and shit hit the fan.
Long distance is a fucking chore, even when you love each other as much as we did, and since I am in regular school + the IB + Physics and Match, since I wanna follow my dream of becoming a theoretical physicist, I just didn’t have the time anymore. I told her that we should break up, we did, she took some time, but we talked again and it was fine. We still told each other we love each other and stuff, but the only reason we aren’t dating is distance.
She had a lot of problems in her life, mad abandonment issues from both her parents, and overall was treated like shit by everyone, and said to me constantly that I am the best thing to ever happen to her. She was super needy as well, and i absolutely loved it, and helped her always.
Last month, my mental had been going boom, applying to uni and getting predicteds and not failing school and my dad losing his job, it’s been nuts. And 5 weeks ago, she completely disappeared. No phone, no instagram, no snap, nothing. Knowing she was depressive, and last time we talked she began by saying that she had a panick attack and looked at pictures of me to relieve it, I was fucking worried. I had seen she had been active in Instagram but not replying to me, so I started getting suspicious.
I called a friend if hers to talk 2 her in person to see if she was ok. That day she comes and texts me “Whoops I lost my phone. How r u?” This ain’t the girl I know and love. Something clearly changed. I ask what happened, I was worried sick, and was feeling like shit, she replied that she lost her phone but it was “all good now, don’t worry.” And left. I’m fuming. She clearly changed, i ask about it, she says “yeah, I did. Im happy know.” Still no ducks given about what happened to me last month. I lose it, tell her “I don’t know who the fuck you are, but you aren’t the NAME OF GIRL that I love. I’m done” all I saw was “sorry, i love you, talk to meee...” as I deleted my Snapchat. She cannot and has not talked to me since. Also deleted our pics on Instagram, where she has been on. I feel like I hit her in exactly the point she hurts the most, and may have overreacted. I hope I didn’t hit her too hard, though. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "laughing at kid's weird crying",
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|
AITA for laughing at kid's weird crying?
|
So today I was sitting in a waiting at my local doctor, pediatrician. There was a kid inside for blood sampling and he was crying so loud and funny, it sounded like when cat are mating. So I started grinning, but the kid won't stop that weird crying so I started laughing. God thanks I was here alone, but I think the nurse sampling his blood heard me. I'm feeling a little bit weird now
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "leaving work before my coworker came to cover me",
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|
AITA for leaving work before my coworker came to cover me?
|
Sorry if the title is kind of misleading, I'm not sure how to cram this situation into a sentence.
​
I work at a small grocery store behind the deli counter. I'm one of the few who switches between morning and night shifts, as I'm trained for both routines. There's not a lot of people who work in the department, probably around 10 total. Because of this, usually someone will work until a certain time and then someone else comes in to take that person's place.
Now, I have this one coworker I'll refer to as \[REDACTED\]. \[REDACTED\] is always late. Always. That's not an exaggeration. Every. Single. Shift. He runs from 15-30 minutes late. I'm not sure why. I would think if there's a problem that causes him to be late he would had fixed it by now so I'm just assuming he doesn't care. The only reason why he isn't fired yet is because he's one of the 3 people who knows how to close down the department fully and does it the best.
Anyways, this Sunday I was working a whopping 11 hour shift from 5am-4pm because a good amount of staff are college students and are taking spring break off to go back home/see family/ect. I wasn't super excited because that's 10 1/2 hours on my feet (only get one 30 minute break) and my longest shift I've ever worked in any of my jobs. I also have bad insomnia so a opening shift means probably 4 hours of sleep for me.
As the end of my shift was (thankfully) approaching, I ran over to the schedule to see who was taking over for me. It's \[REDACTED\]. A bit later it gets to 4pm (the time I was scheduled to leave) and to no one's surprise, \[REDACTED\]'s no where in sight. At this point my feet feel like they're withering away from the pain of being on my feet since 5 that morning and I'm seriously debating cutting off my feet as I'm sure that would hurt less than the state of my feet in that moment.
At roughly 4:20 (hehehehe) and STILL no sign of \[REDACTED\], I go over to one of my coworkers and say "Fuck this, I'm leaving". He starts to say something but I speedwalk toward the terminal and clock out, grab my jacket and backpack, and book it out of there, too emotionally and psychically exhausted to deal with anyone else.
2 days later I come back into work and my coworker I talked to before practically running out of there was working. He comes up to me and basically says what I did was a dick move and I need to wait for \[REDACTED\] or whoever's coming to replace me before leaving. I argued that I would normally wait but 1) I worked a 11 hour shift that day and 2) \[REDACTED\] is always late, and, to be frank, that's not my problem. He didn't have a comeback after that but was still pretty rude and blunt to me the rest of the shift, as well as another one of my coworkers who saw me rush out of there.
​
Since then I've been probably overthinking this and feel pretty guilty. But Reddit, AITA??
​
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"description": "not seeing my friend in person for important conversation on girlfriends birthday",
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|
AITA for not seeing my friend in person for important conversation on girlfriends birthday?
|
Happened about a month ago and my friend is still angry with me for it. I graduated college last spring and moved back home but my long term girlfriend and big friend group still live near the school. I was visiting because my girlfriend's birthday was on that Saturday.
Late Friday night my friend (we'll call him Joe) who lives there texted me saying he has something very serious to tell me and wanted me to call him in the morning. He kept texting me about how its really serious and I started to worry. I wanted him to just call me and tell me that night but he kept saying he wanted to wait for the morning. He assured me no one was in immediate danger and that it could in fact wait til morning.
Joe lives a street over from my girlfriend in a sorority house, as he's subletting from a girl studying abroad. Due to some previous history my girlfriend does not like when I go to that sorority house, so I usually try to meet up with Joe at our other friends house.
When Joe realized I was in the area he instead wanted me to go over to his house in the morning so he could tell me in person instead of over the phone like he originally planned. This morning was the morning of my girlfriends birthday, and I had a long and exciting day planned for us. I did not want to start the day off on the wrong foot by immediately leaving in the morning to go see my friend in the sorority house, so I instead called him like we originally planned. He told me the news, which was admittedly very serious. A mutual friend of ours has been inflicting self harm and Joe wanted to make sure I knew so I could help be there for our mutual friend. The phone call lasted about 8 minutes, in which Joe explained the situation.
Joe is still mad at me because I was prioritizing my girlfriend on her birthday, but the original plan was for him to call me anyway. I didn't think it would be such a big deal if it was over the phone instead of in person especially after Joe said no one was in immediate harm but he still thinks it was a crappy thing for me to do. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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"description": "not talking to coworkers while they eat their lunches",
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|
AITA for not talking to coworkers while they eat their lunches?
|
In my office building, rooms where people eat lunch are busy with others passing through all the time. When I pass through, I don't interrupt people at lunch by saying hello. Of course, if they look at me while I look at them, I say hello. But I leave it up to them to start a conversation. After all, they are on their free time. But I worry if they see me and I don't see them, they think I am ignoring them in a bad way rather than a good way.
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "wanting my ex to take my daughter's bedroom door away",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 51
}
|
AITA if I want my ex to take my daughter's bedroom door away?
|
I have a 15 year old daughter with my ex, who I am still in regular contact with. I see my daughter twice a week and have been since she was little.
​
​
Recently my daughter has been contacting internet predators and going behind both of our backs in order to do so. I have told her that she is being stupid, but she just doesn't listen. My ex (her mother) has taken her phone and electronics away, so now all she has is a couple of older model video game consoles. She's now under supervision except for when she is at school, but they can't keep that close an eye on her.
​
​
I told her mother to take her bedroom door off of the hinges until she smartens up, but she refuses to. She said it would violate her rights to privacy and she wouldn't be able to sleep. I think she should have thought of that before she got herself involved with perverts online. If she lived with me her door would have been gone long ago and she would have had to live with that.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
3eOsBKxXuylJw62PKH7ArVEQ9KYV1gIW
|
9wojw3
|
{
"description": "rejecting a girl I almost slept with and then inviting her for dinner",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
AITA for rejecting a girl I almost slept with and then inviting her for dinner
|
So, for backstory, me and this girl were flirting a fair bit through the year and last month we almost slept together. It was really, really close, but I changed my mind and I asked if we could play games or something. I still think she is a cool person, and I enjoy her company, but I'm not sure I like her in that way anymore. Also, she hates all my other friends, especially my lady friends.
​
Anyway my 18th is coming up and most of my friends work really late, so we can't hang out until nighttime, so I invited this girl to go and grab some dinner, just me and her, I offered to pay and she started saying how sweet it was, and how hyped she was. Am I doing something or giving her false hope? Am I the Asshole for making plans to spend my birthday and eat dinner with a girl I rejected at a honestly bad time.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
DlA9xvoStItBMo2zA3fz8vsgmq1fDxBd
|
9uuhgi
|
{
"description": "telling a teacher about a student who cheated",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA for telling a teacher about a student who cheated?
|
On my most recent test in US History, I got an 85/100. My teacher curves the score of the test out of the highest grade achieved in the class. The student who received the highest grade is a 92, so I really got an 85/92. I know that the second highest grade was also and 88. I also know that the student who received the 92 cheated on the test, so really my grade would likely be an 85/88 and not an 85/92. I think it is unfair that this student cheated and everyone else who got a lower grade will do more damage to their overall grade because this student cheated. WIBTA if I told the teacher that the student with a 92 cheated?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
59RXi40rx6NjRK89YWBvxnBCwVJ0qjph
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a4hfkv
|
{
"description": "not liking Christmas",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not liking Christmas?
|
16 Y/O male here.
So, a couple hours ago my mother (who is extremely into Christmas) asked if i would like to decorate the tree. I said no, and she followed up by asking if I cared.
I responded no again, as after 16 years of being suffocated with Christmas for about 3 months a year I'm pretty done with the holiday (don't even ask for gifts anymore). She asked who she did the work (decorating and whatnot) for if not for me and my siblings.
I responded that I always thought she did it for herself (she was raised a Jehovah's Witness and never got to celebrate Christmas as a kid) She stomped off to another room and started sobbing, muttering about how rude I am, and eventually came back in to call me a "Fucking asshole" and asking why I would ever think she celebrated Christmas for herself.
I responded by stating that she has mentioned multiple times that she loved Christmas because she never got to celebrate it. She states that she celebrated Christmas so my siblings and I could have what she never did and proceeds into a long rant about how I'm so self absorbed, so rude, and how I don't deserve anything I own. I simply remain quiet, as frankly I don't know how to respond at this point. Eventually she starts talking about things other than Christmas, like my education, my upbringing, and a whole lot of other things that I feel have nothing to do with the situation. At this point I try to respond, but get cut off, so I simply remove myself from the situation.
She has since stormed into the room, thrown papers relating to how my school handles absences (She had a direct influence on the current rules due to a situation from a year ago) While I tried to respond that I never said she did everything for her, she stormed back out of the room sobbing again.
Am I the asshole for being tired of Christmas celebrations?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
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{
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}
|
WRONG
|
912HpEd8DEzs3piuRJQzAktCHVtVAc3P
|
ad8dtl
|
{
"description": "breaking my boyfriend's new vinyl record",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for breaking my boyfriend's new vinyl record?
|
This happened almost a year ago, and is very lighthearted, and neither of us were mad for more than the night, but I think we both consider the other as the asshole in this story, so I will try to tell it with as little bias as possible.
To set the scene, we were both out with his family shopping for cool, vintage antique items that day, and my boyfriend (let's call him Henry) found an old vinyl that he was really excited about. We purchased it and continued having a great day with his family. Towards the end of the night, his family dropped us off at a bar so they could drive home and we could hang out with some of our friends.
I had purchased some other item that day and was already carrying it, so I offered to carry the vinyl in the same bag so that Henry could have his hands free. We had a couple drinks with our friends, and we were both a little tipsy, not drunk. At some point, our group found its way to the basement portion of the bar.
This is where the incident begins. Henry and I decide to go down stairs since most of our group had ended up there. As we were walking, I slipped on (3rd-4th from the bottom) a stair and slid all the way down to the bottom. I slipped because the stairs were wet, and not because I was tipsy. I was a bit shaken, and Henry pulled me to my feet and asked if I was ok. I nodded; my butt hurt but I didn't want to make a big deal and I was a little shaken and my ego was hurt. The next question out of Henry's mouth was, "Did you break my record?"
The second he said that, I was furious. I had just fallen, and he was concerned about the record. Looking at it from his perspective, I'm guessing he felt that he had asked if I was ok, and asking about the record was the next logical thing. The record had snapped in half, and he was visibly disappointed. We both got into a bit of a squabble, raising our voices at each other. I was angry that he seemed more concerned about the record than my well being. He was angry that I had just broken his new, very cool record (I clearly wasn't really hurt so we were past that).
Angry me decided to pull out my phone and start calling my uber because I didn't like being yelled at in a bar. Angry him was angry that I'd try to leave just like that without even saying anything. We both quickly said bye to our friends and got the uber and went home, where we stewed at decided to put this silly incident behind us.
I later replaced the record (which I would have done as soon as I realized it was broken), and there were no hard feelings. Its a silly story, but AITA for slipping, breaking the record, and being upset that Henry was upset that the record broke?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
Uz5SXH5by3jDMrmgcHSvrQjQM73NqsE6
|
ay7mc1
|
{
"description": "letting this girl down",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for letting this girl down?
|
So, I met a girl at a party one night. We were both drinking and flirting and honestly, I was just in the mood for a one night stand. We grew closer throughout the night and ended up making out, intercourse brought up, however she had to catch her uber home and we exchanged information and made plans to go out the next day. We go out and get dinner and chat and I learn that she has autism, and, morally I feel wrong. I tell her we cant talk again and she goes on a bender about how "I was just a free dinner."
Am I the asshole, or was my feeling of wrongness knowing I cant commit to something like that.
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
Do0QdukYrFpAe2ahNP1MpbUv5kzoBOS9
|
ajth1w
|
{
"description": "telling a friend his fling was pregnant with his baby",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
AITA for telling a friend his fling was pregnant with his baby?
|
So two of the people I work with are also mutual friends of mine and for a while they were kind of having a fling and since I know both of them well I kind of figured out what was going on but I kept it a secret for them because they didn't want everyone else at work knowing. Yesterday she picks me up for work and tells me that she's pregnant with his child but plans on a boarding it without telling him. Pro-life or pro-choice aside I am a firm believer that a man has the right to know that he has a potential child before the decision to abort it takes place. She then tells me that the only reason she's not telling him is because she knows he will want her to keep it. Now I know it's technically none of my business but then again she kind of made it my business when she told me regardless of that I think her reason for not telling him is bullshit, so I told him... it didn't end well
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
6WdAa9PV0IpcS8eJVSHbUW7JuAr2TH4c
|
af3ztc
|
{
"description": "(potentially) letting someone's phone get stolen",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for (potentially) letting someone's phone get stolen?
|
So this happened earlier today. I was walking to my next class in a crowded hallway when someone walking in front of me noticed that there was an unattended phone lying on a bench and said something about it. I didn't see anyone that might own it, so I decided to take it to the administration office so that they could maybe make an announcement and find the owner, but a guy walks up to me and somewhat aggressively tries to take the phone while telling me it is his.
Now I am rather short (5'0) and an introvert, so I was not very comfortable in this situation and after asking whether he was sure it was his, I caved and gave it to him. He approached me a only few seconds after I picked it up, so I thought that was sufficient proof that it was his, but after mulling it over in my next class, I realized that he could have heard the person who noticed it and then told me it was his.
So, AITA for not asking him to type in the password or prove that it was his and potentially allowing someone's phone to be stolen?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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RIGHT
|
8Oiz10UFisd7sOWrHazbSu8AaHSnE8oh
|
b0fhu3
|
{
"description": "leaving my parents' house earlier than I intended",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving my parents' house earlier than I intended?
|
To preface, being at home is extremely stressful for me. My parents are pretty controlling and I don't really get any alone time when I visit them, which I really don't like. I live close to my college's campus, which is about a 3 hour drive to my parents' house.
Anyway, I'm on spring break this week and I've been staying here for 3 days so far. I was planning on leaving Thursday afternoon after lunch, but after discovering it's supposed to storm for most of the day on Thursday I thought it would be best for me to leave on Wednesday. I'm working on Friday morning, so I couldn't leave that day. Driving while it's raining makes me very anxious, and I'd rather avoid it. Plus, I'd really like to spend some time relaxing at home before I have to start classes again.
My parents were pretty upset when I announced that I wanted to leave a day earlier than I originally planned. My mom told me that I should just call off work and stay a day later, which I definitely DON'T want to do because it's an internship and I already committed. I just started recently and I don't want to get on their bad side.
Now they're checking different weather sites and trying to convince me that it'll only be on-off storms or it won't be raining anymore at a certain location on my route after an hour of driving and stuff, and it'll actually be safer for me to leave on Thursday instead of Wednesday, even though it's not supposed to rain anywhere on my route on Wednesday. After all that, I told them that I'll be leaving on Wednesday, and if they want to visit with me more then they can come visit me.
AITA for refusing to stay longer?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
LD0nZFoMQhlLmvlZ96tmTN1jAAJEpIKn
|
a9j1tc
|
{
"description": "logging into ex's snapchat to find out she (might have) cheated",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for logging into ex's snapchat to find out she (might have) cheated?
|
Throwaway because my main account is easily traceable to me.
​
I say might have cheated, because that's grey area. It's kind of a long story.
​
%%Establishing some background info and the setting
I (M 18) left my girlfriend (17, now ex) in August to go off to college and do my thing. We attempted long distance, and it had its strains. Ultimately, I still maintained my strong feelings for her, and it seemed she maintained her feelings for me. She started working at a small restaurant and I started working as a tutor. Her place of work was far-ish away, so she'd often ask me to buy her an uber to get her to work if she couldn't make the bus (she didn't drive). She'd often do things that made me uncomfortable (her going to frat parties when she's not even in college yet, getting high with my friend "Evan" and driving around), and I'd bring it up with her but she'd end up getting mad. Not trying to be controlling, I backed off. This was fairly frequent. My friends at school suspected they had a thing going, but I trusted both of them. Important note: I have known Evan for 10 years, he's only known my GF for a little less than I had known her, but they became quick friends. Because of this, I'd often ask Evan to mediate some issues or to give me my GFs opinions on things when she was mad at me and refused to talk to me. But I digress.
​
A few months pass and I get four days of break to fly back home. She's completely cold, despite the warmth she'd shown me just hours before when talking on the phone. I get worried and admittedly kind of clingy, and try to figure out what was going on. Me, her, and Evan hang out and do our stuff. I asked Evan what he thought of it, and he kind of got mad at me for always going to him for his opinion on my relationship. My GF says she want's to take a break, saying "We'll still be dating, but we just won't have the romantic part of it." I reluctantly agree, because I still have feelings for her. I fly back to school.
​
She still tells me "I love you" and all in all it seems nothing has changed and that we weren't even on a break. Once she started telling me she loved me I figured that the "No romantic part" was rescinded and told her how I felt and how I don't like breaks in a long text, which in retrospect was seriously cringey and weird. She breaks up with me a week after the break starts, but tells me she "Doesn't want me to move on".
​
We still talk everyday after the breakup, she still tells me she loves me, and I still have feelings for her, but when I express those feelings she gets mad at me. (Side note, I'm still ubering her to and from work, to the point where almost all of my tutoring money is going to that). About a week later I tell her to stop sending mixed messages, to which she calls me a child. We decide to stop talking to each other.
​
%Get to the AITA already!
​
So after that incident, plagued with many negative emotions, I log into her snapchat and look at the messages between her and her friend. What I learned is that she had slept with her manager (M19) two days after we took the break/five days before she actually broke up with me. She had also been telling her friends that we were broken up months before the fact.
​
I ask Evan, despite what he told me a month earlier. He gets mad at me for logging into her snapchat and says it wasn't cheating because it was a break (This is the grey area I referred to). I confront my ex about it but I honestly don't even remember what she told me. Cut off all contact with her since then.
​
AITA for logging into her snap for this info?
​
%AITA Part two:
​
When talking to Evan about it, he kept defending her. All the information he was getting about what had happened in the months prior was coming from her. He didn't bother to ask for my side of the story once.
​
I tell Evan about the shit my ex talked about him behind his back. He called me a piece of shit for lying, but then said he didn't care when I showed him evidence. I asked why he was getting so angry with me and asked if it was because he had feelings for her (he clearly did, but he denied it). He has not talked to me since.
​
AITA for bringing this up with, and accusing my (now former) friend of having feelings for my ex?
​
%Additional info
​
I see now she was kind of manipulative and I was kind of clingy. She accused me of trying to "Buy her love," despite the most expensive thing I got her was a $150 piece of shit laptop so she wouldn't have to use her brother's to do homework. Second most expensive thing was a $10 book (or ubers, but she requested those). The relationship was an overall train wreck, but of course I didn't see that when I was in it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
2HxDsiFAENClGzxvxp0GjDv4AZM5pnkv
|
am0mus
|
{
"description": "not giving written notice",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving written notice?
|
I was just reminded of this and I thought I would get the reddit opinion on this. Names have been changed for obvious reasons. TL;DR at bottom.
About 5 years ago I was in a pretty crappy living situation. I was living in the basement of my friend Beth's house. My other friend, Alex, also rented a room there. At first things were good, but eventually went sour. There are many facets to that story, but two main points stick out.
Before I moved in, there had been some water damage in the basement. The damage was repaired, but half of it still needed some drywall mudding and painting, which I offered to do as I had done this type of work at my last job. Apparently, Beth mistook my offer to paint as an offer to not only do the work, but also pay for all the paint and other materials and tools needed, to which I disagreed. Needless to say, this caused some resentment from her and it never got done.
Things came to a head when Beth got a new girlfriend who was staying over every weekend with her kids. I had no problem with this as the new GF was great and I got on well with her kids. The issue was that Beth wanted to up my rent be cause the bills were going up. I obviously refused. Eventually, I decided to make other arrangements and moved out.
This part is the relevant part. Normal tenant laws in my province require 60 days notice. Legally, as a lodger, I wasn't obligated to give any notice. However, not wanted to bail on her, I gave her the 60 days notice. I found a new place within a few weeks at another friends place and decided to move immediately, as waiting the 60 days would put the move right at Christmas/New Years. Even though I left a month early, I paid Beth for that month as agreed. So I paid for a month of rent when I wasn't living there so as not to screw over Beth.
Now, Alex was also having similar issues with Beth in regards to the living situation. A few months later, Alex's boyfriend Doug bought a house. They had a spare room and she offer to let me rent it for cheap. I agreed, as I had no problem living with Alex and I worked with her boyfriend so we could carpool. This is when things got weird. I was great friends with Alex while we were living together. But now that it was technically 'her' place, she got strangely obsessive about things. It got to the point where I was relegated to the bathroom in the basement and wasn't even allowed to leave my shoes in the mudroom, I had to take them off and carry them up to my room. Due to all the animosity Alex created by her treatment of me, we had obviously grown distant. By the last few months I would come home and hole up in my room as it was awkward to be around her.
During all this, I got a promotion that almost doubled my salary, so I decided to move out. I told Alex and Doug at the end of July that I was looking for my own place and just wanted to give them notice. Again, I don't have any legal obligation as a lodger to give notice, but I don't want to just abandon them. My exact words were "I've decided to get my own place in the next couple months, I just wanted to let you know". Alex said "okay". That was the extent of the conversation.
As I said, I carpooled with Doug. I told him everyday about the apartment search. Within 2 weeks I had found a place, payed my deposit, as was set to move in for September 1st. Again, Doug, was aware about the progress of my home hunt, and my move date, the whole way through. Due to me avoiding Alex and our different work schedules, she wasn't involved in any of these conversations. Remember, he is the only one on the mortgage, not her.
So, a week before I move out, Alex confronts me and says "Doug told me you are moving out next week, that's not enough notice!". I explain that I told them two months ago and Doug has been kept up to speed through the whole process. She claims the conversation two months ago was just letting them know that I was looking for a place, that it wasn't a set date and that it didn't count as notice. She said that I am screwing them over and that I should have given written notice. I calmly explain that I am legally not required to give any notice, and that I still gave them notice for the very reason of not screwing them over.
She then claimed that I did the same thing to Beth last year and left early. I reminded her that even though I left, I still paid for the month of my notice period. She still claims I was an asshole for leaving early. I point out that the whole point of notice is due to the financial issues. If she got paid, what does it matter whether I am physically there or not? Again, "I was a dick for leaving early". Doug contributed nothing to this argument, even though he knew everything and it was his house, not hers.
​
Now, I agreed that the original conversation wasn't a firm "I am moving out on this date", but I did say a couple of months. AITA here?
​
TL;DR - Rented a spare room from a friend. Told my friend that I was planning on moving out "in a couple of months". When the date came, she said I didn't give proper notice and that I should have given it in writing, even though I wasn't legally obliged to give any notice as a lodger.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
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|
awfjwp
|
{
"description": "telling my friend not to date a married man",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my friend not to date a married man?
|
So this actually happened about 4 and a half years ago but I've been thinking of it recently because I ran into my friends mom not too long ago.
So my I had this friend "Tessa" that I had known basically since childhood. We'd hang out after school, we had multiple classes together and we'd even give each other rides to school. I think all of our freshman year of high school we gave her a ride there.
Anyways she had been dating a friend of mine but they had recently broken up, and we were hanging out at my apartment and I asked her how she was handling it.
She mentioned that she had met someone new that was taking her mind off it, but I could tell she wasnt telling me something. When I asked her more about the guy she told me he was older (he was 33ish and she was 21) but I could tell there was more. I figured she just felt bad about moving on from her long time ex so quickly so I told her she could just tell me whatever was on her mind.
That's when she mentioned that this guy she was seeing was married and had two kids. Not only that, but Tessa mentioned that his wife is the daughter of the owner of the car dealership she worked at. I was completely shocked.
She mentioned that they had been flirting earlier that year (this happened in October) and that his wife had found out and they went through couples therapy.
I was in complete shock that my best friend had done this. I told Tessa that I thought what she was doing was wrong, and why: she was endangering her job, she was ruining this womans marriage and splitting up these kid's family. She seemed to know it was bad but she really liked this guy and I think she wanted me to tell her to "follow her heart"
We had a bit of an argument about it and neither of us really budged on our opinions. Tessa ended up staying with that guy and he ended up divorcing his wife and moving with Tessa to the other side of the country and I havent heard from her since.
Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
UC0mkLjDhjmxGh0LaZ6koqOm3MazPFhj
|
aus9cf
|
{
"description": "making my friend drive 40 miles round trip to play cards",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA: for making my friend drive 40 miles round trip to play cards?
|
My friend group meets a few times a week to play cards. One friend lives a bit further out, and has to drive 20 miles each way to meet us. Am an I asshole for not proposing a more convenient location for him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
5ep7079Wj6pZU8BHuzm7wdT3ql4xcVvt
|
axwgpo
|
{
"description": "being confused/annoyed with my friend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being confused/annoyed with my friend?
|
So my friend has been acting weird for a while now. She's been really flirty, sending underwear pics and wanting to spend time with me alone and shit. Basic flirting I guess, but I'm not sure I return the affection or whatever. I find her really attractive, but I've gotten to know her as a friend first and foremost, and this sort of just came out of nowhere. We weren't even that close friends tbh.
Anyway, she kind of caught me on the spot every time she would up and send bra pics, or kissy faces or ask to be alone with me or whatever, so I didn't really flirt back, despite the fact I did enjoy the attention. Anyway, things weren't awkward, but she sort of hung out less around me and my friends.
I had a little party of sorts a few days back, and a mutual friend invited her to go. She was skeptical, saying I had "trust issues around her" and that I seemed to dislike her and shit. Completely false btw. She also made small, fairly subtle comments about that I'm unattractive, a week or so after she told me she thought I was hot.
AITA for being confused/annoyed that she's going around talking about trust issues, saying I seem to dislike her, and calling me unattractive, presumably because I didn't respond properly when she started flirting heavily with me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
cotaYoTtmqhtYRnZTFes0hMxrF8RTH7N
|
atnoid
|
{
"description": "dating an older woman with a daughter closer to my age than her",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for dating an older woman with a daughter closer to my age than her
|
So I (26m) met a woman (39f) a few months ago via a dating site and we've been getting along really well. But yesterday I she introduced me to her daughter who is 21 and it was kinda weird. We got along great, probably too well. We had a lot in common. Definitely made the difference in age more noticeable. At one point my gf even refered to us by "hey kids, come in here".
I'm still as attracted to my girlfriend as always but it felt weird like maybe I should not be doing this. AITA if I continue and see how things go?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Es7zOKI5adI2mJUCMk8NTUh5IDaFpEF1
|
a2c4yi
|
{
"description": "\"breaking up\" with a girl who has been seeing other people",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for “breaking up” with a girl who has been seeing other people?
|
I’ve been seeing this girl for about two months now, and it’s been kind of casual since neither of us wanted anything more serious.
Two weeks in I was at her place and was about to sleep there, and her roommate arrived there and, without seeing my face, called me by another guy’s name. I bothered me a little but i let it go, cause I really could not complain about it, because we did not set any boundaries.
Three weeks later she’s at my place (we would see each other once or twice a week) and she found a ribbon in my room that belongs to an ex girlfriend of mine, and asked me about it. I told her the girl should come pick it up, and she asked if she was coming over to pick it up only or if we would hook up, as she wouldn’t mind. Literal words. This part really bothered me, as I assumed little by little we would be going into something more serious because I was starting to really like her.
After some days thinking about it I talked to her, and told her that we shouldn’t see each other anymore, because it seems like we had different ideas about the “relation”. I did not get angry nor blame her, as I explained to her that it was entirely me who thought this was going another direction, and simply wanted to break it up before getting hurt by it. During this conversation she admitted about being with other guys while seeing me.
She then bursted into tears and blamed me for it, since I did not make it clear that i wanted anything more serious, and started make me feel bad by saying I didn’t make and effort to be with her. For the record, I did not see anybody else during these two months. I am really confused right now.
Sorry if bad english, not my first language.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
0TEjcEmhbKIgxbwepIwToDUZI3t4Rasf
|
b7i4jq
|
{
"description": "telling my mum that my 14 year old sister is sending nudes, but not telling her I also sent nudes at 14",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for telling my mum that my 14 year old sister is sending nudes, but not telling her I also sent nudes at 14.
|
So I've kind of run into an issue here, I caught my sister who is 14, sending nudes.
I told my mum and my sister now hates me.
my issue is that I kind of feel shity because I did the exact same thing but I know how much it ruins your mental health to do it at that young age.
I just feel like a hypocrite and think that I shouldn't have done it.
AITA for telling mum?
mum does not know I sent nudes btw.
and do not dm me for nudes.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
k1NlDsEi6T3vDj0PUKgVfYAECkl60P5M
|
b4sw1m
|
{
"description": "leaving my depressed friend",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If I leave my depressed friend?
|
I feel like saying friend is an insult to her as I'm considering it already. Let's start with the fact that I care for this person, I do, but mentally they drain me as well. I do suffer from depression already and this person brings my depression out significantly more. Not only that but they don't try for themselves, belittle and berate me when they are drunk, or in a real bad low. They constantly do stunts where I go out at 10 PM - 3 AM just to take them home and causing scenarios where I miss out on work or leaving early to help them.
I've called for welfare checks, asked my bosses to help out with her (coworker) but she doesn't want to accept the help. and honestly? I'm at my wits end...I've changed my life drastically since we became friends and I just can't keep it up anymore, my medicine was doing wonders for me, I was getting happier and then this all started, now I've reverted back to my old depression ways even with an increase in medication.
If I were to leave, AITA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
oQCx4naxEdNbRWDS69FpNvo5FCML7yV8
|
b27033
|
{
"description": "getting upset with my longtime GF for doing coke",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for getting upset with my longtime GF for doing coke?
|
Long time lurker, first time poster, sorry if this is incorrect formatting or whatever I’m on mobile.
A little background, my girlfriend and I are in a long distance relationship and are both in college. Last night she decided to go out with her roommates and basically did cocaine at a party and told me I couldn’t be mad about it.
The number one thing that I care about is her safety because I can’t physically be there for her. I just don’t know how to approach this situation. Any advice would probably help
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 28,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
RIGHT
|
SYkcxAANJbaIIJ9BQq6AVJL1fjHRM9iQ
|
b65pkd
|
{
"description": "ending a friendship over a joke he made about a girl I'm dating",
"pronormative_score": 169,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for ending a friendship over a joke he made about a girl I'm dating
|
This girl and I run in the same group of people. She's a total knockout and a lot of the guys were into her, including me, but I figured I didn't have a shot. She came onto me at my birthday party and we ended up making out, which everyone knew about. I figured I might as well shoot my shot and asked her out that night, and we've been dating for a few weeks. Most of our friends think we're still hooking up, but don't know we're dating because we didn't want the social pressure right away.
I was at a party and some of the guys were ragging on me for hooking up with her, and one of the guys made a "joke" where he suggested that I blindfold her and let the other guys take turns on her. A couple of the guys told him it wasn't cool to say and he brushed it off. I told her about it later and she told me she doesn't feel comfortable around him knowing that he said that, and told me she wasn't going to tell me who to be friends with but she'd be more comfortable if I didn't hang out with him anymore outside of big group hang outs either. I agreed and the next time this guy asked me to hang out, I told him I wasn't comfortable given what he said. He told me I'm overreacting and only doing it because this girl is hot and I want to be her white knight. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 168,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 169,
"WRONG": 16
}
|
RIGHT
|
jaEimRGEDOO7D13QynDhQLzrPPorN390
|
agh273
|
{
"description": "not letting my brother borrow one of my prescription painkiller",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not letting my brother borrow one of my prescription painkiller?
|
So, i recently had a bit of an operation regarding my hip. I hurt my hip and they gave me prescription painkillers, Oxycontins. Very powerful stuff, especially for someone who doesn't take pain pills.
But, my brother, he has knee problems. But it's something he needs surgically repaired and you can even hear the bones, like, popping when he bends his leg. He refuses to get it repaired. He needs Knee Replacement, i think.
So, he came over and was tlaking about how 'oh, i'm in so much pain. You're lucky, you get the good stuff." He only gets Ibuprofen for his pain. He asked me if he could have one of my pills. I told him no, for a couple reasons. Mostly because i might need them and it's a crime. I didn't give him one, but i feel bad because he's in so much pain.
So, he got mad at me because "I hate him and want him to suffer."
But, am i the asshole here for not giving up my painkillers to him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
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