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a35os2
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{
"description": "leaving the drunk, under 21, girl on the curb of the ER",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for leaving the drunk, under 21, girl on the curb of the ER.
|
My freshman year of college I went to a party. Ended up getting pretty drunk and passing out for a bit. When I came to (still pretty drunk) there were 5 or so people there still, including, the two guys whose house it was, a friend of a friend (let's call him Tarzan), and a girl Tarzan had a crush on (let's call her Dopey).
I woke up because the three stooges mentioned above were trying to wake up Dopey, who remained deeply passed out. After some back and forth it was decided that Dopey needed medical attention, but the hospital was too far away to walk.
It turned out that I was the only one with a working car, which was a stick shift, and the only one able to drive manual. So, after Moe and Curly lost interest and Tarzan pleaded with me, I helped carry Dopey down to my car.
At the time, all parties involved were still underage. So, not wanting 3 drunk minors in the car if I got pulled over, I left Tarzan in the trees as I went to town.
So, the real point of this post. When I got to the hospital, I opened the door, pushed Dopey out, honked several times, and drove back home and went to sleep.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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9xwkwv
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{
"description": "fucking with a couple families while camping",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for fucking with a couple families while camping?
|
So we're at one of the public campgrounds in Shenandoah National Park, my wife myself and my one year old toddler. It was no joke about 4:30 in the morning when the campsite catty-corner to us started going nuts. Apparently this campsite was two families that were friends. The first family had a four year old girl who was screaming bloody murder while their parents pulled a Ned Flanders " we've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas" and just let the girl go off for about an hour.
This woke up the other family who had three young boys. This family was the exact opposite, complete micro managing helicopters, screaming at their young boys "Griffin! Sully! Griffin! stop! Griffin! Griffin! Sully! Sully just ignore him!" This went on for hours until about 7 a.m. no joke every hour I must have heard the word Griffin or Sully yelled about a hundred times when these little boys weren't doing anything but running around having fun in a very safe place. It was driving me crazy and woke up my toddler.
I'll admit by then I was delirious with lack of sleep and a tiny bit hungover. So I exited the tent at about 7 a.m. and decided to poke a little fun at them. I sort of scream whispered at my wife as I set up camp Griffin Griffin Griffin Griffin over and over and over again. We were both laughing our butts off including my toddler. I know these people heard me and probably felt pretty bad, they ended up quickly packing and leaving shortly after that. I really couldn't help myself though. It was just ridiculous what these people were doing so early in the morning at a huge Campground. This is now running joke every time we go camping to yell over and over again Griffin Griffin Griffin.
So what do you guys think am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
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axn7kz
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{
"description": "not wanting to take care of my grandma anymore",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to take care of my grandma anymore
|
My grandma on my dad's side has been sick for quite some time now (she's 86 y.o) and she bcame worse last year, on 29th Dec (4 days after the death of my grandpa on my mom's side). After a month of staying at the hospital, she finally had been allowed to return home on 28th January this year. Since then, I stayed at my gramma's home to help and take care of her.
Me, my cousin, and a few of my aunts were responsible to help and tend her bcuz the other cousins were either working, or still studying.It wasn't an easy task obviously, because we were shorthanded. The ones that always helped out was 3 of my aunts including myself and my cousin. All of us were female bcuz my gramma didn't want to hire a nursemaid(?) and she preferred her own daughters
After almost 3 weeks of staying there, I had to go back home for awhile bcuz my sister is going back to further her studies ans no one would be able to tend the things at home. So, I went back home for jst 2 weeks (I think) and returned back on 1st March bcuz my mOm forced me and if i were to say no, it would be rude bcuz it wud seem like i dont wanna help take care of my gramma. And on that very damned day, I had my panic attack. But still, I was forced to stay at my grandma's house again.
Ive had a few other problems including this whole thing about taking care of my grandma. I cant even release my tension bcuz THERE IS LITERRALY NOWHERE IN THIS HOME TO CRY ALONE WITHOUT PPL KNOWING. If i want to go out with my friends I cant bcuz my childish aunt thinks that its a bad thing to go out with your friends. I cant even go back home without feeling guilty. I dont enjoy doing the things I had once enjoyed bfore. Nowadays i always have heart palpitations. Theres not much that can help me retain my sanity rn. Not if I were to stay in this toxic environment.
I cant rely my OWN family. My father RARELY talks to me. If i were to talk to my mom instead, I would jst break down and cry or get angry bcuz shes not the type who would listen carefully to my situation. Even if I were to succesfully get through her, in the end she would jst say " Remember god, pray to god." Jst like any other of the ppl i talked to, said. Same goes my Oldest sister. My brother always prioritise his own friends first and dont give a shit about me. And my other sister that i can kinda depend on is somewhere else rn.
I feel suffocated living at my grandma's house rn and i feel like running away from here. But shes my only grandma thats left. However, I dont think i can keep myself up at this point.
(Sorry if this doesnt make much sense)
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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{
"description": "getting upset at my stepmom after she threw away my property that I had an emotional connection to",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting upset at my stepmom after she threw away my property that I had an emotional connection to?
|
Ok so Im about 13 when this happened and my stepmom had gotten married to my dad about a year ago when she moved in. I had a pillow that my dad gave to me and it had quite a sentimental value. I get I’m too old to have a pillow around and have a connection to it, but IMO that’s something I should grow out of. It looked kinda gross because it was quite aged but I didn’t think much of it. I came home one night looking for my pillow in my bed, come to find out my stepmom had taken it. And thrown it away. My room was in the basement and my door was shut, so this was obviously a planned attack. She had previously told me that I am too old to have a pillow, but that was not her call to make. So I sent her a text saying
“Your lack of respect for my boundaries is honestly pathetic. I wouldn’t want you as a friend, much less a mother with how you’ve treated us overtime. You need to learn to treat others the way you want to be treated. I grew up taught that, and I’d like to assume you were too. Treat me with respect, or you’ll always be a stranger to me. I’ve attempted to make you feel involved and show care for you, but I’ve seen almost nothing in return, I’ve spoken to dad but nothing has changed. Even he agrees it was way out of line for you to throw out MY pillow. “
I then talked to my father and he pretty much said that she was very hurt by the message (it was not uncommon of her to twist things around and make me the bad guy.) and I understand it may of been a little bit rough to send but it was also a retaliation to what she said. So she proceeded to ignore me and actually didn’t want to come home that night because she felt “so hurt by my horrible message” it’s been about a week and I am still being ignored, although I am not attempting to engage conversation with her because I am quite hurt from what she did. Was what I said too much? Thanks for reading
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "making my entire class hate my friend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for making my entire class hate my friend?
|
I am in highschool, this is my first reddit post so bare with me
I sat next to a crazy girl that we will call CG,(she has mental health issues) and my friend (we'll call him BFK) was not in school that day.
i was trying to sleep beacuse the class was boring and CG was trying to get my attention by asking random questions and saying dumb stuff. i tried to be carefull with my responses since she takes everything way to seriously.
after some time she asked "Who hates me?" i mindlessly half asleep answered "BFK hates you" (they had a lot of arguments and bad times togheter so it was obvious).
CG slapped me , started screaming and making a scene. she shouted "why does BFK hate me? does he think that he's better then me? nobody is better then me! he is a fucking dickhead and he did some horrible things to me". she started crying and the other girls went to help her outside. this stopped the lesson and everyone gossiped about how much BFK is a dick and why did he ruin her life and do horrible things to her. i tried to stop them saying that she is just doing drama and that nothing happend.
the next day when BFK came back to school he attacked me and told me to kys and that i suck. we were really good friends before this. i tried to explain to him that i was half asleep and that i didnt pay attention and that the fact that he hates CG is obvious but he didnt care and said some more bad things and punched me in the face. CG forgot about the whole thing in a day but idk if the class still hates BFK for being "a bad preson" (he didnt do anything)
i apolegized to BFK and he just went away, i lost one of my best friends and i feel really bad.
AITA for saying BFK hates you while being half asleep?
is BFK the ass for not forgiving telling me to kys and attacking me?
is the class the ass for beliving CG?
idk
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
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|
az663j
|
{
"description": "telling my friend her picture looks really edited",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my friend her picture looks really edited?
|
For some background my friend is slowly becoming recognized by swimsuit companies on Instagram. We talked about it a lot and I said go for it, you can get paid to post pics so why not? She chooses to accept a few offers and posts a couple pics in the company’s swim suits.
Her pictures look highly edited. I mean looks like the swim suit top is copy and pasted on. Her face looks like it was blurred a crap ton in an editing app. You’ve all probably seen poorly edited pictures where the person is trying to cover face flaws with a super blurred effect and it looks terrible. Well that’s what this looks like. Eyes look edited, the whole shebang. I asked my boyfriend if I should say something after she posted the first picture and he said “No, just let her live her best life” so I said nothing. She posted another one the next day that was even worse. I showed him and he totally agreed and I decided to reach out. She’s like my best friend and I didn’t want her to look bad online, especially since it’s for a deal with the swimsuit company, ya know?
Here’s where I think I messed up. I message her and imbedded in the message I say “I can see the siting a lot and as a friend I thought I’d let you know it’s VERY noticeable.” That part was cushioned by other nice things but reflecting on it, it seems bad. She claims that she didn’t edit the picture.
The part that makes me feel worse is that she said others are saying it. I check her page and no mean comments are there. I checked the swimsuit brand’s page and they reposted her picture and the top two comments are about the entire thing being photoshopped and how it looks like her swimsuit is copy and pasted on, etc. Someone even said the sunset was photoshopped. She says because so many people are saying it that she’s going to stop posting. I don’t want her to stop, this is such an amazing opportunity. AITA for saying they look edited? Thanks in advance!
TLDR: friend is kind of frustrated with me after saying her pictures look edited. Other random people online have said the same thing. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
nzzOjWWcHtrwVubbmpsnePixwGx9wBPK
|
arzi2c
|
{
"description": "comparing my girlfriend to the Blob",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For Comparing My Girlfriend to The Blob?
|
So my gf is super cuddly and whenever we are on the couch she basically tries to smother me which is funny and cute bc she is really thin. Anyway we're watching a movie and she starts moving in doing her thing and I look at her and say the words "You're like The Blob." She then proceeds to get super bent out of shape and calls me an asshole even though I explain to her that A). She doesn't LOOK like The Blob or any other blob, she was just a ACTING like it, B). The Blob isn't even a person, so it's like getting compared to a rock or something, and C). It's funny and I think any normal person should be able to find the humor in the joke and know that I don't actually think she is physically bloblike.
Should probably clarify that I'm referencing the classic horror movie from the 50s or whenever even though I haven't actually seen it. Also she's she's not like THAT mad, but we definitely didn't finish the movie.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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{
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RIGHT
|
MhXFItVIo3ls7cIaWwUMI53FJO3FfXAv
|
b0o1cm
|
{
"description": "not buying my friend lunch when I promised to",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not buying my friend lunch when I promised to?
|
On mobile, apologies in advance. Also, this is kinda long so please forgive me!
So last week my friend bought me lunch. He asked if I wanted to go out for Chinese. I really didn't want to, as I am currently trying to stay away from junk food as much as possible (I'm going to basic training for the army in summer so I'm trying to watch my body). I politely declined, saying I preferred if we could eat in the lunch room of our school, which I know it's school food and all, but it isn't junk food for the most part. He began guilt tripping me saying things like "Fine, I guess I'll just eat alone then" and "Wow, so you're really gonna do me like that?" I didn't wanna make a big deal out of it so I accepted. We went out to a Chinese place and got our food. Keep in mind I explained to him why I didn't wanna go out for junk food in the first place. He ordered a big platter for both of us. Not wanting to seem like an asshole, I ate as little as possible, but a decent amount. As we were leaving, he teased me for "not eating enough" and that if I wasn't that hungry in the first place I should have let him know. I kept quiet, but I was beginning to get annoyed. I promised to buy him lunch this week as thanks. Over the weekend, I talked to my mom about my little brother's situation. He's had his SSN stolen by someone for a while now and has no medical insurance because of it. He recently went to the hospital for shots he needed, and we ended up having to pay out of our pockets. We are a lower middle class working family. My mom is an accountant and I work Saturdays in a warehouse packing vegetables and cleaning, and don't get paid until wednesday. Keep this in mind for later. We have to cut costs because we don't make enough combined to cover the bill easily. I relayed this to the group chat consisting of my closest friends. My friend above is in this group chat and read my texts. Now, today, I go to my locker to get my things for my next class, right before lunch. He appears, and as I close my locker, asks where we're going for lunch. I tell him the lunch room. He gets confused and says "don't you get your paycheck today?" I feel insulted. "Yeah, but I told you guys, I gotta help my mom out." He nods and says "Oh. But you promised me lunch last week?" At this point, i feel hurt and angry. In my calmest voice I say "I did. But I also explained to you guys the whole situation with my brother." He looks at me and goes "Oh right. Let's go then." he then hurried off ahead of me. He seemed distant throughout lunch today and only responded in grunts. I am beginning to question our friendship.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
9xwxjw
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{
"description": "not helping the employee I supervise",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not helping the employee I supervise?
|
I work in an office at a hospital doing research for a doctor (we’ll call him boss) there is another doctor that handles clinical research (calling him the man). The man also has his team of clinical researchers who are in med school. There is this college student (calling him Stu) who comes by once a week to help menial tasks. Stu actually works for the man, I do not work for the man but we work in the same department and speak often (good guy), somehow Stu ended up with me to do work. So I give him his assignment each week if we have any usually basic data entry stuff. I am just a guy supervising him that hands him the assignment and tells him how to do it. I have no firing ability or anything like that.
The man apparently told Stu that if there’s nothing for me to give him then he can just study on company time… Also sidenote, Stu’s father is a doctor at a different hospital but is in the same field as my department, Stu’s two older brothers have also gone through the med school and are involved with my department at my hospital. So Stu is a legacy with med school aspirations.
So I have been working with Stu for about 8-10 months now and I have already formed my opinion on this dude. When he first started working with me he did fine and would complete his tasks. I had a new assignment that I needed him to complete basically setting up a research database. It was a lot of work but it would keep him busy. He was good about doing this for several weeks maybe a month then I noticed this thing is not getting done. Toward the end of the semester I noticed that he is pretty slack in that he is usually late or sometimes just doesn’t show up at all.
So he never finished his assignment and my boss was starting to ask for this to be done. Bossman was aware that Stu hasn’t been the best about things. I ended up having to take over the assignment as well as get another researcher involved to get this done. My opinion is that Stu’s college education comes first but when he’s here he needs to do the assignments I hand him first. If he can’t show up to my work then go do something else. So he’s failed my test at this point.
He goes home for the summer and I wanted to see more out of him this fall semester. When he came back for the fall semester I spoke with him and said what day/time works best for you? He says Friday at 2 pm. Great, this is the time I expect you to be here every week! I hand him another assignment, simpler and less work for him. Basically he’s not getting much work from me unless he can prove himself or boss tells me to give him more. Things were fine in the beginning, I didn’t have much work for him but it’s been picking up the last month or two. Almost every week he texts him and asks if he can come in…. Yes dude come in. Ok I can be there at 2. Yes dude, we agreed to this time. Almost without fail, 2 pm rolls around and he is always late by 10-15 mins. That’s fine, just glad you showed up and I hand him his assignment. Some weeks he does not bother to text me to let me know he is not coming in that Friday. Some days he comes in at 3. Whenever he’s here, he almost does the bare ass minimum that I ask of him.
Yesterday, Stu has been missing for several weeks and I never contact him to ask where he is anytime he does this….If he wants to be here and work he can contact me because I don’t really need this guy. I feel like I have to babysit this guy and this guy can’t show up on time. He texts me yesterday (Friday) saying “hey can I come in.” Me: Yes come in. Stu: I’ll be there at 3. Me: Ok but I’m leaving at 3:30.
3 rolls around and there’s no sign of Stu. At 3:15 he shows up. I walk him over to where he can work in our conference room and there is a meeting going on in there. At this point, I think to myself he’s late, I don’t have a way for him to get setup, and I’m leaving in 15 minutes. I don’t want to go overtime and set this guy up even though he’s the one who caused this situation. Frustrated, I finally just say man I can’t get you going today, I’m leaving in 15 minutes. You have got to start showing up earlier at 2 like we agreed upon in order for me to get you setup. He understood and said he’d be here at 2 pm on Monday so I left it at that.
The thing is he uses my login info to look up patient records in order to do the work. I didn’t want to log him in to everything that’s in my name and then clock out 15 minutes later, leaving him with all of my info. When my boss and I met regarding this arrangement, he asked if I was cool with him using my info (not really) but I didn’t want to create an issue.
So am I being the asshole for not getting Stu setup with work? I think he’s an alright guy but when it comes to getting things done as well as being professional, he fucking sucks…. I feel like I have given this guy chances but he just doesn’t seem to get how this job works with me. I simply cannot depend on this guy. Most of the time when you have a job you are supposed to show up at a certain time and if you don’t show up typically you get fired.
I feel trapped because I can’t go to the man and say this guy sucks I don’t want him. I also can’t get rid of this guy which if it were up to me I would have done so. Maybe I need to do a better job of communicating to him my expectations.
So am I being an asshole? How can I best handle this? I am trying to protect my ass and keep my job so I cannot screw this up. I feel like I should talk to my boss about this but I don’t want to create an issue even though Stu is the one who has created this. How can I do better and how can I do a better job of managing this guy? I’ve never had to manage a guy and I didn’t think it would be this difficult especially in a professional environment but then he’s a college kid who just turned 21 last week… I fail to understand why he fails to do this other than he is not interested in this. I’m 25 so I’m not that much older than this guy…. Any advice would be helpful or tell me if I’m the asshole!
​
TL;DR
I have a guy that I supervise who fails to show up at the agreed time on Fridays. In short he is pretty slack in my opinion and I do not have the ability to fire or do anything with this guy other than hand him his assignment. After missing for several weeks, he texts me yesterday asking if he can come in. I said yes come in. Great I’ll be there at three. (agreed time was at 2 pm) Ok Stu, I’m leaving at 3:30. He shows up at 3:15 and at this point I’m annoyed because 1. Hes late, 2. I don’t have anywhere to put him 3. I leave in 15 minutes. I tell him dude you’re outta luck today, if you want to get work come in earlier at 2 like we talked about. He understood and said he’d be here at 2 Monday….. Am I the asshole? How can I do better at communicating and managing this guy? First time managing someone else. There’s a good chance he won’t be here Monday because in the past he has said he’ll show up on a random day and then never show….
​
Thanks for all input!
​
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HISTORICAL
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ba6uu4
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{
"description": "telling mum SIL was pregnant",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for telling mum SIL was pregnant?
|
My (f28) SO (m33)and I have been together for ten years. A few years ago his dad was involved in a very serious car crash, for which he was at fault, and several people in the other vehicle died.
The case took a really long time to go to court, and by the time it did, we had moved abroad, meaning we weren’t around for the trial. My SO’s brother and sister went to court with their dad every day, and my SO always felt terrible for not being there. It looked quite likely that he would serve jail-time, but in the end he received a suspended sentence.
At some point during the trial, my SO’s sister (Amy) texted to tell him he was ‘going to be an uncle again’ but it was early days so they were only telling close friends and family.
Later that week, I skyped my mum and she asked how the trial was going. I said SO felt bad for not being there, and even worse now because Amy is pregnant and doing a 300 mile round trip every day to be there for their dad.
A few days later, my SO woke up to a text from Amy saying that what I had done was really out of order and now some woman she barely knows, knows she is pregnant. I honestly had no idea how she could have found out my mum knew, as they live in different towns, don’t know any of the same people, my mum doesn’t have facebook etc. I am also being 100% truthful when I say I did not think my mum knowing would be a problem.
Anyway, it turned out my mum had gone out and bought little outfits for Amy’s other child and my SO’s brother’s kids and sent them to his parents along with a letter saying (amongst other things) that she was thinking of them in this difficult time and at least Amy’s pregnancy was some good news for them. Now I think I probably am the asshole here, but I cannot get past the fact that nobody said thank you to my mother. She is very reclusive and embarrassed by her lack of education, so I know she must have written dozens of drafts and agonised over the letter. She was heartbroken because she had tried to do a kind thing and felt like she had upset everyone. I am still filled with rage thinking about how sad she was.
Further info: Amy and her mum are not close, while I am very close to my mum and tell her everything, so Amy might not appreciate the fact that me telling her felt very natural to me.
This happened about three years ago, and I still have a very distant relationship with Amy and we have never talked about it. The reason I am asking now is because since then a lot of my close friends have become pregnant and been very clear about telling nobody before twelve weeks, and I am now realising I was very blase and cavalier about this.
Tl;dr - told my mum SIL was pregnant before twelve weeks, mum sent letter and present, SIL called me out of order and never thanked my mother.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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av68or
|
{
"description": "not writing my maybe stepmom's letter of acknowledgement for her immigration process",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I don’t write my maybe stepmom’s letter of acknowledgement for her immigration process?
|
A little bit of background information. My father started dating someone a few years back. She seemed pretty nice and my dad ended up proposing in 2018. Since then - and even before the proposal - they have broken up and gotten back together numerous times. More than I can count, and I’m sure I don’t know about every single instance.
They had a huge blowout around the holidays. Two, actually. To the point where I thought they were done for good. I was wrong and they’re back together, with their wedding changing dates as often as they break up.
It doesn’t sit well with me how horrible she makes my father feel. We’re not particularly close, but he’s still my dad and I think he deserves better than a relationship fraught with constant arguments. He’s a big boy, I guess, and he can make his own decisions, I just want to watch out for him.
Every time they would break up or every time my dad would call me absent and on the brink of tears because of something to do with their relationship, I trusted her a bit less and liked her less.
Recently they got back together again and he contacted me asking me if I would write a letter of acknowledgment for her to get her green card.
It’s not that I won’t do the letter. I’m perfectly fine writing a letter with just facts – when they met, when they started dating, when they got engaged, where she’s from, plain facts – but it would feel disingenuous to write about how good of a person she is and how much I like her.
My father knows how I feel. We’ve had discussions about it, most recently as a week ago. I don’t know how heavily the immigration process relies on these letters of acknowledgment, so I don’t want to be the reason she is denied citizenship, but I don’t want to embellish and say she’s a wonderful person when I don’t think she is. If I give my honest opinion about her and her personality, it would basically be that I don’t think she’s a war criminal, pretty sure she would pay her taxes, and she can be nice sometimes if she feels like it.
In the end, I know it’s harsh, but I’m not personally invested in this whole thing. I would feel bad if she got denied citizenship because of a letter I refused to write, or a letter I wrote but didn’t support, but ultimately it has no effect on my life and the only thing I could foresee happening would be feeling a little guilty. That’s why I’m questioning whether I would be the asshole here.
WIBTA if I didn’t write the letter at all? WIBTA if I wrote the letter but purely stated facts?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
WHtjLg2XMKVVchx2sDVGFGnMD6Lf25Jf
|
apy48j
|
{
"description": "not going to my grandmother's funeral",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA if i don’t go to my grandmother’s funeral?
|
sorry, long post on mobile.
so a little backstory, my grandma died in november from cancer and around the same time her husband broke his hip and had to be moved into rehab/hospice. they lived 9 hours away from us so my mom has spent the last few months getting their affairs in order (wills, finances, home care for grandpa).
since my mom was dealing with all this, she told everyone the funeral/memorial would be at a later date. i told her i’d go whenever it was.
she just texted me to tell me the official date of the funeral and i completely broke down. after i committed to go to her funeral, a close friend of mine’s dad died and i went to his funeral. i was never extremely close with him but it was the first funeral i’ve ever been to and i bawled my eyes out the whole time and felt as if i was making a scene and really felt uncomfortably sad and miserable the entire time and felt as if i was detracting from the ceremony.
now that my mom has told me the actual funeral date for my grandmother and i have actually experienced a funeral, i don’t feel as if i can handle going. i’d have to drive 4 hours home from college, 9 hours to get to my grandmas hometown, go to the funeral, and drive all 13 hours back the next day.
aside from that, my life has been a mess recently. my anxiety and depression are the worst they’ve ever been, my school’s counseling services are horrible and i’m barely getting the help i need. i’m falling behind in school and i don’t sleep or eat well. my roommate also just got a dog and we are trying to move soon and i am graduating in december. i have so much on my plate that i cry all the time anyways from stress.
i loved my grandma so much, she was my best friend. she was very understanding and liberal and open and loving. it’s nothing to do with her.
so, knowing everything that i’m dealing with that already has me in an emotionally fragile state, and knowing that funerals make me feel completely horrible, AITA if i choose not to go to my grandmas funeral?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
4zgJuPEEke57z4bt6SQCexn4mGYOmMdH
|
b25ii7
|
{
"description": "not putting more effort into my relationship with my dad",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not putting more effort into my relationship with my dad?
|
My dad and I have never been super close, he and my mum split when I was super young and we didn't have much contact until I was a teen. He seems to have always preferred spending time with my sister over me- organising coffee dates with her without inviting me etc... on top of that he has been rude to my partner for the whole time we've been together (eleven years now.)
I started really getting the shits with him after my daughter was born, he had a tantrum at my sister about how rude I was for not calling him directly after I gave birth (I was in labour for three days. I was pretty wiped by the time she finally came) and since then he has just gotten more and more frustrating to spend time with.
My sister has recently started dating a new guy, and has been less available to spend time with dad. He has taken to inviting me, my partner and our now 2yo to spend time with him- great! Grandpa time! However, invariably no matter what we're doing the conversation always comes back.to how my sister is a so slack/ for ignoring him. Today he straight up said she could get fucked after I jokingly said that getting upset about it wouldn't change anything.
I'm tired of dragging my kid out to see him when he will probably ignore her because what he really wants it to bitch at me because he would rather be spending time with with my sister. I feel like a stand in, and I'm sick of it.
AITA for feeling this way? WIBTA if is just stopped trying?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
PUfFpqUmaWxS4otVvXjbC7VzDXq3ZY2B
|
a8gfnf
| null |
AITA if I'd rather spend time with my friends than with my foreign family that comes once a year?
|
Some family from outside the country came to visit for the holidays and I have to be with them during their stay. I don't dislike them, in fact I like them very much, but at family reunions I don't talk a lot to them, even the ones at my age I don't talk with.
I also had planed a sleepover with a bunch of friends for the weekends as our own little party, when I told my family they freaked out and said that I should see my family as they are never here while I can see my friends whenever.
Like I said, I hold no animosity towards my family, I do like them and enjoy them being here, but I don't do anything at family reunions but sit down and listen to music and sometimes check my phone, I don't talk with anyone, I don't get asked anything, I usually listen to music, read, eat and then say goodbye when I leave.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
DNSkaroJOhO38g2f4otCkcIgTQUvzYqU
|
aiphj8
|
{
"description": "not rescheduling a second date",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not rescheduling a second date?
|
Recently, i (25f) decided that I would dive headfirst back into online dating. I have a young child (~1) so i did not take this decision lightly. I made a few profiles on different sites and away we go. I made it very clear that I had a child in these profiles as not to waste anybody’s time.
A few weeks ago I started to talking to a guy (30) on one of these websites. We exchange a few messages, he asks me out for coffee and I agree. We meet for coffee, it goes well enough and we agree to arrange a second date. We agree on dinner and a movie for next Saturday, I arrange the necessary childcare and done.
The other thing I should mention is that he texted me everyday between our first coffee date and what was supposed to be our second date on Saturday. I am not a big texter, I find it pretty exhausting and try to limit the amount of time I spend on my phone. I mentioned this to him on two occasions but it continues, so whatever no big deal we all communicate differently and he seems like an okay guy.
Fast forward to Saturday morning. I had plans during the day so was getting my little one and I ready for the day. He texts me at 7am, telling me he is looking forward to our date. At 8:30, he texts me and says his friend has called him about his girlfriend sounding pretty distraught, and that he never does this and he’s sorry but he has to cancel and could we reschedule? I say no problem, I understand and sure text me in a little bit as I have plans this afternoon anyways and we can figure it out. I’m a bit annoyed by this development as I’m not able to just make plans by the seat of my pants but whatever, I move on and have a good day.
He texts me two days later, asking if I’m good for next Saturday and we can just do it then? Unfortunately, I have no one that can watch my child that day so it’s not going to work. I had thought about it over the past couple days since being cancelled on and since this is a reoccurring theme (being bailed on last minute) I decide maybe it’s too early (and too complicated) for me to date and delete all my dating profiles. I text him this pretty verbatim (minus the part about deleting profiles) and apologize that the timing didn’t work out better.
He says okay, he’s sorry to hear that but understands. he then texts me two minutes later: “can i ask you something honestly? Are you really not ready to date or is it something I did?”. I respond with no, it’s not something you did, I’m just finding it too difficult to constantly coordinate my schedule with someone so i have decided that this really isn’t for me right now, I thought he was a nice guy and I’m a bit bummed out that again, the timing wasn’t better.
He then responds “well...okay. As a guy that’s a little frustrating to hear. If that’s truly how you feel, I recommend you get off dating sites. Again, no hard feelings and I wish you the best”.
To be honest, this is the straw that broke the camel’s back for me that day. I respond “Wow dude - keep your recommendations to yourself. I’m a person just like you that was just trying to get back out there. sometimes it takes a couple tries to see that something isn’t working. Sorry you’re frustrated but we went on one date, so I owe you nothing. Now it’s your arrogance that’s truly turned me off for good”. No response back, I delete his number and move on.
AITA for a) not making more of an effort to reschedule after he cancelled, and b) sending that last text to him in anger?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
OBi0qZrz01Af9s6UdHjT7QBo0gsa74jE
|
aggb5w
|
{
"description": "seeing my boyfriends messages saying he doesn't love me, whe he won't tell me himself",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For seeing my boyfriends messages saying he doesn’t love me, whe he won’t tell me himself?
|
Am I the asshole for reading messages my boyfriend left open, saying he doesn’t love me, when he refuses to tell me himself and would just continue having a shitty relationship instead of ending?
opened up my laptop this morning (note, it’s my laptop, not his, i wasn’t using his private device) to find a chat open with a friend. My boyfriend is going off to them about how he hates where we live, only started a relationship with me because he was lonely and essentially doesn’t love me and cannot bring himself to tell me he loves me when I say it to him.
The chat was open on my computer when I saw this, I didn’t open it myself to snoop, but I will admit that I did scroll.
I immediately started crying and put the laptop away. This has happened before, He has left things open that I saw, which caused issues, but it’s been hard for me because the things I saw make me feel like we shouldn’t be together. The first time was before we moved, and since we moved I thought a lot of things were better, so I’ve been giving it a chance. I know people can work through problems.
Though I was trying to be quiet and in another room, I guess I woke him up because he started asking me why I was crying. I couldn’t say anything other than “things aren’t working out the way I want them to” because I couldn’t talk to him about what I saw. He must have guessed what happened because he started getting angry at me because I *violated his privacy*.
This is honestly kind of ridiculous to me because he would never tell me these things. He would never tell me he doesn’t love me anymore or that he doesn’t want to be with me. The only way I find out is on accident. These are things I think I deserve to know and I don’t understand why I’m the only one who has fault in this situation, when he is the one pretending he’s happy and not telling me how he really feels. He’s essentially lying to me, isn’t he? I give him everything I have and all I’ve been getting back is half a relationship.
This is a really hard situation because we moved across the country from all of his family so if we ended it I would have to pay to fly him and all of his stuff to his family. And we’ve been together for three years, we’ve built a lot and been through a lot. So I can’t “just end it”.
Currently sitting in the bedroom waiting for him to wake up cause he was “too tired to have this conversation” and we would finish it when he woke up. (It’s 5pm here)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
qbLWiPlmBIJUzowHdob83d0qVhxVyb95
|
aolcas
|
{
"description": "making a joke about my italian culture",
"pronormative_score": 38,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for making a joke about my Italian culture?
|
Last night my friends and I decided to have international food night. I bright homemade pasta, gelato, and a Sicilian recipe pizza. I'm not Sicilian, my family is from Tuscany. I love Sicilian food, so it's become a running joke with my family about how that's "wrong food" -- not REAL Italian food.
For those of your who don't know, Italy can be very divided and tribalist, with the mainlanders all hating each other but hating Sicilians more, and hating non-Italians even more than that. I've always thought this was funny, so I joke about it a lot. We share a language and a culture but still don't get along. It's the perfect argument against white supremacy in my opinion.
But when I told my friends via group text that I was bringing Sicilian pizza because my family "wanted it out of the house," all hell broke loose. I had to explain the joke and the history behind it, but one of my best friends basically still accused me of being racist...towards my own race. Everyone else was telling her to calm down, that it was just a joke, but she refused, saying she had to speak up for those that had no voice.
I was beyond hurt. I've never been accused of being racist before, and for one of my best friends to have such a low opinion of me hurts so, so badly.
To make it even worse, this same friend is a Latina, and she jokes about "brown people culture" all the time. "Brown people are super loud, brown people are always late," etc. Every single one of the things she says is part of "brown people culture" my family does too, but when I tell her this she just laughs and waves it away saying "just let us have this one." That's been so hurtful to me because it feels like she's dismissing entire parts of my own life and family, but she's refused to acknowledge it.
I don't know if I can fully equate these things though. I made a joke that, looking back, was more mocking Sicilians than it was mocking the mainlanders dislike of Sicilians. She was mocking her own culture and people, although it does always seem like she mocks more than just her own nationality by saying "brown people." I think I understand why she's upset, but there's a part of me that still believes it was misplaced.
Since that initial fight, she has refused to talk to me. She says she won't have this argument over text and didn't pick up when I called. I don't know what to do and I don't even know if I was in the wrong here.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 38,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
1HwBU5VGWN8HcgehTl1g36IRgCFZGJXP
|
a66u53
| null |
AITA? Has the stress of exams turned me into an asshole or have I always been one?
|
So I'm studying for my last exam this semester and my brain is on the brink of a burnout. I started wasting a little time on social media and posted a couple of stuff that were supposed to be jokes on there (incl. Reddit) and for some reason everything I joked about was either offensive (even a tad bit racist and/or sexist) or plain stupid. Feel like people wanted to beat the shit out of me.
Does the stress of exams happen to rewire people's brains or am I really racist and sexist inside and hadn't figured that out before?
Also if this post is pointless I apologize. My brain isn't functioning very well at the moment.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
vhCwkJKqtl5n9qGm497Btzv9ftKEBa5k
|
alxmq7
|
{
"description": "not returning my FWB's call",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not returning my FWB's call?
|
So I had this FWB's who I was legit really close to for a while. We would hang out beyond sex. We were really tight, so tight that we even dated for a bit. But it never worked out, and he started seeing other people.
Every time he would, he would date the person for a month or two, before something would happen and they would break up. Then he'd call me randomly out of the blue after me not hearing from him for a while and ask to hang out. He would tell me he hadn't called in a while because he was dating this other person (as he didn't tell me in the beginning so I never knew) and didn't want to mess things up. I can respect that, but also felt a little weird about it. This has happened a couple times.
He was dating this one person again, and I didn't hear from him most of November, all of december, and most of January until he called today. I almost picked up the phone, but didn't. Instead, I let it ring out to voicemail. I haven't called back, or responded to his texts. I felt a little shit that he stopped talking to me out of the blue, and so I moved on and I don't really know if I'm up for it anymore
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
CPNIy9jRJS4DD3hAN3hoAliA0x7atRQJ
|
a6llmg
|
{
"description": "reporting a taxi that picked up more passengers",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for reporting a taxi that picked up more passengers (please read the text)
|
It was late in the evening and I'd called in to have a taxi sent to drive me back from the Wegmans since the last bus had left. He arrived and everything seemed fine but several minutes later he stopped by what looked like just the side of the road to pick up two men waiting there. I asked him what he was doing and he said they'd called in and he was driving them in the same direction. I said I wasn't comfortable with that and he said he does this all the time.
I'm a 22 year old, 5 ft tall girl, and it was already dark by this time so I really felt unsafe, it felt like a set up to be honest. I ended up calling my mom and telling her what was going on and where we were the whole way back. I'm not happy that they know where I live now either. She also felt it was extremely shady. I emailed the owner of the taxi service to tell them what had happened and that I won't be using their service again because of it. I haven't heard back from them yet but my friends think I overreacted. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
iSkdiWedb856K1jx0ggh18qCMf2q4T4z
|
a6hpez
|
{
"description": "refusing a trip to Jamacia because of the company",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for refusing a trip to Jamacia because of the company?
|
I have wanted to go somewhere tropical for a long time. Last year I talked to my mom about the 2 of us planning a trip to Jamaica but nothing ever came of it. She called me the other day to tell me that her and her best friend are planning a trip to Jamacia in March and told me that I am invited.
My mom and I are pretty close but I cant help but feeling like I would be a third wheel in this situation and sometimes when this particular friend comes around my mom starts to act different (more fake). I don't really want to go with just her and her friend.
WIBTA if I said I don't want to go just because her friend is going?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
55MnwmhV0gVbJjAQM5brSmXKcgajUeBG
|
b52pbc
|
{
"description": "trying to be nice to people loud the library but then yelling at them",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for trying to be nice to people loud the library but then yelling at them
|
So me a couple of friends were studying in the library and this group was being loud my girlfriend goes asks them nicely to please quite down or go to one the the group study rooms about 30 feet from where they currently are. These group study rooms are great by the way located in the library and you can talk in them and they have tv's and whiteboards. They keep talking but keep it down to about 50% of what they were initially, of course over the next 2 hours they start to get loud again.
​
I go to the librarian and tell her that the group is being loud for hours and they are still being loud after we asked them to not and even told them about the study rooms. Note most of there conversations were not school related its almost as if they were just hanging out here. Im pretty mad at this point but the librarian comes and tells them to leave or go to the room. they say they're just leaving. they proceeded to talk more and so I say in a slight yelling voice "just leave motherfuckers"
​
Am I the asshole for yelling at them my girlfriend sure thinks so.
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
sgtiJAJmiVpJyYMRRb4Pggaza3YhcREO
|
9uvfju
|
{
"description": "not wanting to do something with friends that we've been planning forever",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to do something with friends that we've been planning forever?
|
So my buds and I have been planning on going to the gym everyday after school in pursuit of gainz. Yesterday I go and everything works out fine. Something comes up last minute yesterday night and I tell them I have to bail on them due to this and tell them that I don't have time for going for the rest of the week. They get pissed at me and tell me that I should not even bother going anymore if I'm going to skip out on stuff like this. Told me I have "little bitch syndrome" and such. Feel pretty torn up as I don't have many friends and these are my closer ones. AITA for bailing on them or am I okay?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
lKu1LDXNiY7OKHxB8QJUHxtg1vYwMzRn
|
afr5ha
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my struggling mother",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my struggling mother
|
I’m a young and naive person, in fact I don’t even turn fifteen for a while. So despite this probably being obvious and most definitely light compared to things here, it’s really eating me up inside.
Background: I’m a young super emotional girl, I’ve got really bad anxiety, mild depression and a history with eating disorders. But I’d like to think that part’s irrelevant. I have two younger brothers (11 and 8) and my mom has various mental issues, and physical illnesses(is that the right word?) as well. CRPS, MCAS, reactive arthritis to name a few examples. Obviously this is extremely frustrating for anyone, much less a mother. She can barely eat anything(as in she’d instead have a list of foods she can eat opposed to foods to stay away from, except nobody has a specific list.) and she can’t walk and instead gets around on a scooter because of the situation. My dad currently works 3 jobs to keep up with everything.
So, you know, that’s that... and that’s fine, she’s dealing with it. In fact we’re about 3 years into this, (dunno why we haven’t moved out to a floored house though) and despite its getting worse, she’s been good about. She just gets mad a lot and yells and stuff all the time, like a typical mother. It does push me to the point of tears hearing them but only sometimes. That’s just my own thing, everything she does parenting-wise is completely reasonable.
Yell and scream whenever someone does something you don’t like? Check.
Never listen to anyone’s opinion? Check.
Constantly complain about everyone’s incompetence? Check.
Throw fits when things don’t go her way? Check.
Believe vaccinations are bad and essential oils are the cure to everything? Sadly... check.
So one night we were eating dinner, I had just got home from school, and so I was still kinda stressed and irritable, and it’s a typical night. I walk downstairs from showering to everyone(save for my dad) yelling at each other over dinner for either chewing too loud or staring at someone too long or something, honestly I don’t even know, I try and ignore most of it. I do count the outbursts though, to help with anxiety. Around my mom’s 20th outburst of our 45 minutes dinner(idk exact number, I lost count after I fumed over), I kinda snap and make a remark defending my little brother, against her. She’s clearly upset and after 2 or so back and forths decides to take my phone for a while.(didn’t say how long, but whatever)
I disregard what she said, and continue to defend my little brother.(sorry little guy, I made a mess out of nothing) as with any time I argue, I’m making points while simultaneously crying. Eventually I stop arguing because I can barely talk and say some shitty things to her. Nothing super horrible, but it was rude nonetheless. Dinner was interrupted and everyone parts, everyone’s pissed, and I’m left sobbing at the table. She drops that whole thing later and gives me my phone back btw. I know that’s a weird convoluted petty/stupid example but it’s prominent in my head and whatever, as I said it’s killing me.
Now, I have done things like that before. Sometimes it ends with her crying telling me she promises to do better(blatant lies) or alternatively her naming everyone a stupid bitch and calling our actions out as bullshit despite them dominantly being her own fault, even if inadvertently. Or faulting everyone else in her issues.
tl;dr: My mom is in rough situation (crps, mcas, mental things, allergies, etc) and she’s struggling pretty hard and my family’s kinda at each other’s necks. Always yelling about petty things. But harmless, then I go in and talk trash about her for being agitating.
So, am I an asshole for unjustifiably snapping and being a jerk to an injured/struggling women I call my mother? I never yell at people, ever, and obviously I shouldn’t yell at anyone, especially people older than me, more so people that look after me. I shouldn’t have done it, any of the handful of times, but does it make me an asshole? ¯\_(◕︿◕)_/¯
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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7c5twJgtRsuvmIgbr2jEJR4M49Bix2lM
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b65c55
|
{
"description": "telling my Mil not to meet up with her daughter today Urgent",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
WIBTA If I told my Mil not to meet up with her daughter today Urgent!
|
So I have been doing research into my fiancee's birth parents. And the people I hired have found her birth mother.
I told her adoptive mother which I was told they are meeting up later today which makes me super nervous as her adoptive mother has been known to blab. I thought that I would at least have had today to keep them seperated.
I want to tell the adoptive mother to cancel plans as of right now the people have not contacted the birth mother and know if she would even want to know her daughter. I want to protect my fiancee from this potentially crippling news until I can safely let her know about this if not ever until she would start a real search and then i can give her the information.
Am I the asshole for wanting to tell her to cancel the get together?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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OXGhcD0zoK3CMkWpxQW34KzH29doPLvH
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as6ij3
|
{
"description": "not wanting to share my ps4 pro with someone I know will wreck it",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to share my PS4 Pro with someone I know will wreck it?
|
I'm 15, and I've been working hard to save up the money I get from my **very** low-paying job to finally get a PS4. My family never bought me and my sister a gaming console or anything similar, as my mom thinks that there's no use for any form of modern electronics other than a cell phone or tv, and my dad thinks we should buy it ourselves so we cherish it more. We have a very large and expensive flat screen tv in the basement, and since I don't have a tv of my own, I thought I would be able to hook it up to that and use it. I finally buy the PS4 and a discounted game from a nearby electronics store (that I could walk to), and when I get back, my sister delightfully exclaimed how excited she is to use it. Without context, it doesn't seem that bad, but my sister is known in the family for viciously wrecking every piece of technology she touches, intentionally or not. A couple months ago (maybe 4) she spent all the money she had saved up to buy an IPad, and wouldn't me even let touch it because "she was the one who had paid for it, and it wouldn't have been fair." Now she was contradicting herself by expecting to use my new console, and I was even more weary to share seeing what she had done to her new IPad. I remind her of the mentality she had months before, and she gets pissed and goes to get my mom, who tells me that she not only expects me to share my PS4 and let her use it half the time, but also be the one who buys games suitable for her (My sister's a couple years younger than me.) I refused to do so, and now have a still packaged PS4 hidden away in my room because if I try to use it it will instantly get wrecked by my sister.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ar3ueb
|
{
"description": "making someone cry by telling someone to go away",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
WIBTA if I made someone cry by telling someone to go away?
|
Hi, this is my first ever post, so please forgive me if I did anything wrong.
​
Background: So, in my band class, there's this one kid. He's that one kid who doesn't seem to understand social interaction or context. When he wants to talk to someone he jabs them while repeating their name over and over, if he seems anything, like a game, he likes he'll just stare at it while asking dumb questions, cries when he doesn't get what he wants, etc. What makes it worse is he has mumble-y voice to the point where you can't understand most things he says. He's the kid who thinks he has friends, but in reality everyone just ignores him.
​
Anyways, the story: We're finally having a day off from our rehearsals. Me and a friend both brought a Switch to play on since we'd have free time. We decided to play some Smash for the period. Unfortunately, Switch's are like blood to this kid, and he's a hungry shark, so the second he walks into the room, as per usual, he instantly sets his eyes on the closest Switch, which would be us. So there he is, leaning over us, staring into our screens, as I think anyone would think, it was annoying and focus-cutting. After about a minute or so, he of course asks, "Can I play?" Now, I personally have a rule: I don't let people I don't know use anything I own worth more than a pencil. My friend, shares the same sentiment. So we both individually say no, and explain why, and he says "Oh..." in a wavering voice. So we go on, he still leaning over our shoulders. It's hard to be yourself when you only act like yourself around people you know, so he was indeed killing the mood. So we finished our match (he felt the need to say "Oh!" when things happened, or "You DIED!" when I lost a stock), and just weren't feeling up to it anymore, so we went to our single player story modes; he stayed. After THIRTY more minutes of silent playing with him in the same leaning over our shoulders, in the corner of our eyes position, and him saying more irritating comments, asked "Can I play?" again, and we repeated our statements. At this point I was about to turn around and say "Can you please stop staring over my shoulder, it makes it hard to focus," although he fortunately left and went to stare at another's Switch before I could.
​
The thing is, he was close to crying, and I know he (mostly from past experience with him) would've if I spoke up in the gentlest way possible. So, would I have been the ass hole if I asked him to leave and he broke down. Today, my friend brought his Switch and it happened again (he was extra heavy on the "You DIED!!!" and other comments) for 10 minutes (only because the bell rang).
​
On one hand, I would feel like a jerk for telling him to go away, but he's almost been prodding me over and over.
​
Thanks for reading if you got this far.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
2VrOb6gOEIbA03mWekgtwQOY5WAQkoOb
|
aexdxt
|
{
"description": "wanting to know if my friend still has feelings for her first love",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to know if my friend still has feelings for her first love?
|
A friend of mine had a huge crush on another friend of mine for a solid 6 months. It was pretty obvious. I can only assume it was her first love from what she's told me. I had a rather large crush on her myself at the time (and still do), but it was fine and dandy. She seemed happy and being upset about something dumb like that would definitely have made me the asshole.
So, after those 6 months, I had heard she was taking a trip to Japan, so I asked her if she was excited or not or just stuff about Japan since I'd never been to another country myself. For some reason, we really hit it off and we started talking a little bit too much for our own good. During that, she told me how *something* had happened between her crush and herself that was hard for her, but she never described much about it. I think it was that he wanted to date her right away but her parents didn't allow her too until she was 18 + she just wasn't ready.
A few more weeks pass, I make a self-deprecating joke about something that had to do with love in some sorta way and my friend decides then is a *great* time to tell me she has feelings for me. I told her that I did too but I wasn't interested in a relationship simply due to the fact that I'm not ready for one. She agreed that she wasn't either and that we should just be friends, and that's why I'm still calling her my friend instead of something different in this post.
I'm certain that she likes me, it's been a year since she's told me that and she does all the things someone with a crush on somebody does. That's not what I'm concerned about.
Whenever she mentions the boy that was her first love, it seems very vague as to what her relationship is with him. In a different conversation with her mother she got rather defensive about how "she didn't like him that much in the first place" but that isn't true, she did like him a lot and that's okay. When I have asked, the question seems as if it's avoided, which she does sometimes accidentally while continuing a different point and I've just had to nudge her in the right direction, but I'm still confused
Since I am her friend, and not someone she's in any sort of romantic relationship with, I feel as if I can't press her further about it since we aren't in that kind of relationship ourselves. I feel as if I'm getting overly concerned about something I can not even guarantee in the future. It's fine if she still has feelings for him, I just have no clue if she does and what to think of this whole thing.
AITA for wondering if a girl who's interested in me is also interested in someone else?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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7p0nHdUYGklNoKIoyDl5cqvcKXkABMpM
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9thepg
| null |
AITA Am I the shitty friend?
|
I'm 17 years old, am finishing my final year of highschool and currently have one best friend. I have had many friends in my life, and many best friends that I spent practically everyday with, but I for some reason I get bored of them after a couple months and start to genuinely hate them. Personally I feel like I am doing nothing wrong and it's just life, but this has happened to 6 different people with me and I feel like now it's my fault.
To give more context as to what is going through my head, it's essentially just I get bored of people or initially I don't realize who a person is when I first meet and soon enough I see parts of them that I don't like and eventually I get annoyed with them and start to either dislike or genuinely hate them. I still hangout with them but I tend just to ghost them over time.
Edit: grammar
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
mT1BO6yeF5cDWWLbSBcZaDFXxzSL763v
|
b760n1
|
{
"description": "wanting to avoid conflict with my mother's boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For wanting to avoid conflict with my mother's boyfriend?
|
Ok. On mobile. Formatting. First post. Yadda yadda.
Oh and I'm southern. So forgive my vernacular.
Some context: I'm 20, but live at home to go to school and work so it's cheaper.
So I am a nice person most of the time. It takes a lot for me to even dislike you, let alone hate you. That being said, I despise my mother's boyfriend. Frankly, I can't believe that my mother puts up with him but that's just me. He's a self centered, self absorbed, demeaning, holier than thou, "I used to be a mechanic so I'm more of a man than you are" jackass. Unfortunately, given that I work in my father's family business, not only do I see this guy at home, but I have to work with him to (Pops and Momma are still good friends and, unfortunately, my dad has a kind heart and gave her bf a job working for him.) Now. I've given him chance after chance, shown him respect, even been nice to him, what I usually get back is the equivalent of "yea I hear you talking, but your too young, too stupid or not enough of a man to understand." So now. I discuss only work related things with him at work. And avoid him at home. I learned the hard way that conversation that do not include him are not off limits for his bad mouthing. So now I just leave a room if he enters it. It sucks I've got to do that in my own home but if it's the only way to avoid being talked down to or put down, it's better then nothing. Well now, Momma will be showing me videos on her phone or telling me something. And he'll come in the room so I'll leave. She says I'm an asshole for doin that, but if conversations without him included are not offlimits for his assholery, why should I give him the opportunity? I feel bad for doing it to my momma, but I'm tired of being treated like shit. Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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rcgkOZPk1MktauCLNSzU5ewS3DbmvF1u
|
b8vdxu
|
{
"description": "wanting to file a complaint about my former boss",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to file a complaint about my former boss?
|
​
To begin, I would like to say that I do not hate my old boss. I was in graduate school studying science in a lab, and I really believe I would never would have had the opportunity to be in graduate school if he hadn't wanted me to work with him. That being said, we have some serious differences in mentorship-mentee styles.
I don't believe he tries to make people feel the way that he does, but he can be very abrasive and says things to me that I believe are meant to be "peers messing with eachother jabs" where it hits me as just down right racist and has been pretty damaging to my mental health.
For example, once when he found out I went to Polish school growing up, he immediately asked me "Is that an outhouse?". He once went seven weeks without using my real last name, but a similar sounding name of a polish style deli from the area (he knew how to properly pronounce my name). He even went so far once as to put this deli name on our website listing me as his student with it. My real name was not included.
He did this every day four four years. During lab meetings from 4 pm-5pm he would come down. One coworker mentioned to me that he often liked to target me specifically more than others. It was hell. He used to call me nexus of disappointment, or ND for short. When I asked why he called me a Nexus of disappointment he corrected me saying "I said Disappointment Nexus, I wouldn't use three words describing you when I could use two". It was difficult to communicate with him at times. Its chipped at my self-esteem, and I actually started having panic attacks to the point where I can't do my research/writing my thesis. I quit the program. I'm actually in therapy now, and I've noticed during my therapy for the panic attacks, even though I've been out of the program for six months, ALL I DO is talk about my old boss and my relationship with him.
Part of me thinks this just might be that graduate school is science is tough. Everyone has problems and I just wasn't good enough. Maybe I'm just projecting my failings during my research (my research projects were not going well), and I'm just looking for someone to blame. I don't know, but I do know that I hate my current job. I feel like my career has been derailed (I feel like I can't ask him for a job reference/recommendation since I didn't finish) and so I work a dead end lab tech position and I hate it. I feel under utilized since I do have greater skills, but I just press play on idiot proof instrumentation. I feel so fucking broken. It was my dream to get my PhD since I was a kid and now it just seems like its an impossible thing.
I want to talk to the school and my former committee members and explain to them the depths of the feelings, but worry that again, the projection, and that its already done, and I'm gone. Maybe I'm just a bitter failed graduate student that is looking for someone else to blame. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
mzhq2W6WqasCTroYOa4fbydl4vGhbQcP
|
b6yt93
|
{
"description": "yelling at my mother",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for yelling at my mother?
|
So a few days ago i was in my room playing xbox and my mom just barges in and looks around, then leaves (after huffing and puffing), and i think...what was all that about? I brush it off and continue to play.
​
The very next day, she sprints into my room and looks around, opening drawers and such. I ask her, what's wrong? She says "its none of your business" and leaves. Again, weird and annoying, but not enough to make me do something.
​
The NEXT day, I leave my door locked so she doesnt just invade my room like a nazi on poland, and she \*screams\* and i mean *screams* UH-UH, LITTLE BOYS DONT LEAVE THEIR DOORS LOCKED! (mind you im around 15) and she grabs a fucking knife and turns the lock (its an indent, easy to pick) and busts in and starts berating me. "WHY DO YOU KEEP BEING SO DISOBEDIENT, DISRESPECTFUL, AND RUDE? I COME INTO YOUR ROOM TO CHECK ON YOU AND YOU JUST SIT THERE. THEN YOU LOCK YOUR DOOR AND CHALLENGE MY AUTHORITY." To which I respond "but why do you keep coming in my room for no reason." and she loses it and threatens to throw my xbox out of the window. I saved up a very long time for that xbox and love it to death, its the first expensive thing ive worked for. I lose it. "WHY DO YOU NEED TO KEEP BARGING IN HERE UNANNOUNCED? THIS WOULDNT BE ACCEPTABLE IF I HAD DONE IT TO YOU!" and she uses the classic "BECAUSE IM AN ADULT!". AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
h7yLC6GnmWHnlLdf0NUXvfX0AuyLHrbr
|
b8s7ev
|
{
"description": "telling my husband he should stop sleeping with a teddy bear",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA For telling my husband he should stop sleeping with a teddy bear?
|
My husband’s goddaughter passed away at the young age of 20 two years ago. We were all close, but they were especially close. We don’t have children of our own, so we considered her to be our daughter. He gifted her a teddy bear when she was a baby, and her parents told us shortly after her death she would still sleep with it every night since, so they gave it to us. It was a beautiful gesture.
However, since the bear was given to us, my husband has become attached to the bear. Not only does he sleep with it every night, he carries it around the house. If he’s working in his office he’ll keep the bear either on his desk or his lap. If we’re watching a movie he’ll be holding the bear. I’ve spoken to him about it and he agreed that this is unhealthy behavior and he would like to change his ways, and for a moment he stopped sleeping with the bear. However we went on vacation shortly after, and as I was unpacking his suitcase, I saw that he had brought the bear with him. At that point, I just cried. I felt terrible for even suggesting that he should stop in the first place, since it means so much to him.
However, it has been getting in the way. He used to cuddle me at night, and he’ll hold me for a few minutes, but then he’ll turn on his side and hug/hold the bear *all* night. In the middle of an argument we had last night (unrelated to the bear,) I snapped. I told him that him sleeping with the bear is totally inappropriate and creepy. I didn’t really think I meant that, but deep down, I believe there is some truth to that statement. In that moment he stopped arguing with me, turned over, and went to sleep. I believe he was crying for a very long time. I wanted to apologize, but I didn’t, hoping that this will finally get him to stop.
That being said, I feel terrible. I know everyone copes differently, but it’s been two years. I thought it would be over by now. AITA?
TLDR: Husband is attached to the teddy bear of deceased godchild.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
wfiRMFEOJgfcuCyiiCnRtMyWxBCanmHA
|
adjjb1
|
{
"description": "staying out of gang problems at my school that have led to stabbings and such",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for staying out of gang problems at my school that have led to stabbings and such?
|
My friend and I are the only white people in our class and there are very few white people in our school. There has been gang problems of all sorts unfortunately (cachement area situation). There are huge problems with neighbouring schools and our school leading to an ongoing 'turf war' so to speak.
My friend and I have stayed completely neutral. We don't speak about the gang problems and are not part of any 'gang', we don't take sides and we don't speak to the authorities. This has helped maintain somewhat of a balance we are seen as the 'two guys who don't have a problem with anyone', however, it means we have known people been stabbed and several hospitalised over beatings.
My focus and my friend's focus is to just get through school, get to college and get the Hell out of this environment.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
mSqyDIwV5LBUCyd31cve8UVrgaRcSAQW
|
ao2l9r
|
{
"description": "telling a lying suicidal friend to fuck off",
"pronormative_score": 43,
"contranormative_score": 25
}
|
AITA for telling a lying suicidal friend to fuck off?
|
(Sorry if this is long, I just really need to get this off of my chest)
So, to give some context, I met this guy around 2014 in one of my favorite online games, and we've been close friends ever since. At first we've just had a normal "get together and play together" relationship, but somewhere around early 2015 he started coming to me to talk about his personal issues outside of the game.
He'd often talk about being abused by his family members, especially by his sister, how he often gets betrayed by his closest friends, how he only finds solace in eating, how tired he always feels, and other issues which I won't spend too much time dwelling into. Since he was a person I deeply cared about, so I tried giving him advice on what I think he should do, and I'd usually tell him that he should see a psychologist to get professional help, since there's only so much I (an internet friend) could do for him. He promised me he would do as I told him to do.
This went on for a long while. As I've said before, he started talking about these issues in 2015, and he would continue to come to me for advice until 2018, where this incident takes place.
So one day, I was just casually chatting with friends over Discord, and I suddenly noticed a notification for a group called "My last goodbye". I curiously opened it and I found my best friend had made a group to say goodbye to all his closest friends before he killed himself. Now, this initially shocked me. He's shown suicidal tendencies before, but he has never done something like this. I paused for a second, and then I started typing.
I asked him if he ever took or at least considered any of the advice I've given him over the 3 years he'd asked me for. He said that he hasn't, and the only reason he promised me he would was because he didn't want to upset me. This infuriated me, as I felt that all of the time and effort I spent caring for him were a waste. Our entire friendship felt like it was based on a web of lies. I just couldn't forgive him for what he's done. I told him to fuck off and I left the group chat.
Anyway, from what I've heard from another friend, he didn't die in the end, apparently the amount of Advil he took wasn't enough for him to die of an overdose (How coincidental). I blocked him on Discord and deleted all forms of communication I had with him, and called it a day.
This happened less than a year ago, but it recently resurfaced in my mind, and I started feeling guilty. I started to wonder if I was wrong to do what I did that day, and I needed advice from an unbiased third party, AKA reddit. So guys, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Eb58J2tNjI4ttUUBFQlKQopYwEaRsStk
|
ah3m1v
|
{
"description": "getting in a fight with someone I didn't know in a public place with a situation that wasn't my concern",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for getting in a fight with someone I didn't know in a public place with a situation that wasn't my concern?
|
Alright, lemme give some context. I am in highschool, and my friend and I like to go to the school basketball games to kill time and get away from home.
At the beginnning of one game, my friend and I split up, as he wanted to hit the concessions stand, and I wanted to find a place to sit. I didn't see him for half an hour. I was getting bored with out him, so I went back to find him. I found him fuming at a redneck kid and the kid looked pissed. I went over to someone nearby, and asked what was going on. He said that the redneck kid had called my friends sister a n****r. He and his sister are mixed. I'm pretty close with both of them, so I was pissed.
Apparently, my friend had roasted the kid, and he got salty. Roasts became threats, and now they were about to rip each other apart.
Soon enough they began to fight. My friend hit him in the face first, and the fat kid retaliated by hitting him in the temple. He was pretty hefty, and I could see it jarred him, and I figured he could use some help. I jumped in and kicked him as hard as I could in the side of the knee. As he collasped, I kicked him a couple of times, and his mom ran over and began screaming at us, and we booked it all the way back to my place.
After the adrenaline wore off, I began to think about it differently, and how I should of just broke it up.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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|
WRONG
|
Tn2n2U8ebArt7zzoZtujVBMblIfPyFVw
|
b257h8
|
{
"description": "asking strangers in a restaurant to change the subject of their dinner conversation",
"pronormative_score": 99,
"contranormative_score": 71
}
|
AITA for asking strangers in a restaurant to change the subject of their dinner conversation?
|
My husband and I went our for dinner last night at a trendy restaurant where the tables are so close we’re all practically eating at the same table. The place was really noisy so everyone had to speak loudly to have a conversation.
The couple beside us was on a first date, and at some point one half of the couple starts telling the most disgusting story about a vacation with friends where they all got food poisoning and there was one bathroom. And he was going into a he most graphic of detail as our food arrived.
I hoped the conversation would just move on, but it seemed to trigger more stories on the topic and when he was done his dining companion jumped in with his own detailed vomit story. I tried to focus on the conversation with my husband but they were speaking loudly and the details were turning my stomach so I interrupted them and asked if they could change the topic of their conversation since we were eating.
They did change the subject - but awkwardly it became about how I was eavesdropping on them and how they felt they couldn’t talk freely since they were being watched. It was an uncomfortable meal and my husband was annoyed that I said something and made things awkward. He said I should have just excused myself for a few minutes if it was bothering me and the conversation would have changed (though our food had just arrived - I wouldn’t have wanted to let it get cold and had no idea when this topic would have exhausted itself!)
AITA for asking strangers to change the subject of their conversation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 43,
"OTHER": 90,
"EVERYBODY": 28,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 99,
"WRONG": 71
}
|
RIGHT
|
tzHsEIfM2qZ6QYkCiJElpVd7Kc7LoKeC
|
am5nec
|
{
"description": "lying about my religion",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for lying about my religion?
|
so N is my best friend. we have been friends for years and i cant imagine losing her. i have become so close with her family, even tho they are very Christian. (like really bad, homophobic etc) its to the point i call her mom mom and i spent christmas eve at her house, and her parents wanted me to spend Christmas day there as well. they have always been trying to convert me, and they gave me a bible and another book about how great god is for Christmas. Me, N and S are best friends. N was going to hang out with S but her mother toler her that she is no longer aloud to hang out with me or S because we aren't Christians she she doesnt want us to put ideas in her head. she did this after finding out N stopped eating meat just like me and S did. once N told me this i was heartbroken and i told her mom over text that i read the books and that i was finally ready to accept the lord. she stared crying with joy, and now i feel like an asshole. so... AITA????
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
EfGfElOoL61ZSsYGyFh8NWiJe4wo9fJw
|
b4c25e
|
{
"description": "saying I'm not racist",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for saying I’m not racist?
|
I work in fast food and we live in a small town so we don’t get very much supplies (at least less than a high population town) there is a all-Native basketball tournament going on so a lot of Natives are coming into town. So a customer came in and said
I’ll get *idem* and *other idem*
I say, “I’m sorry, we actually don’t have any of those”
she said; “What the fuck where I’m from they never run out of stuff”
I said “I’m sorry I could this for you if you’d like and we are out of lots of stuff because a lot more people can into town because of the all-native basketball tournament”
she said; WELL... that’s very racist blaming it on the natives??!!
I said “Sorry, I’m not racist it’s just lots of people it has nothing to do with their race”
she said; Then why mention their race??? I want a refund asshole
Another worker came up they said; “I’m so sorry for his racism and I’ll refund your order and you’ll still have your food”
She said; Thank you, and I understand racism is such a big problem nowadays.
Then the worker gave me a bunch a crap for being racist towards native people and said how unacceptable that is.
Sorry I’m on mobile
Am I in the wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 9,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
lrrUh2NxGo98ixrrWr7AzjfCJhe8EeQp
|
b4a1rg
|
{
"description": "quitting my short staffed, fixed schedule campus job",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for quitting my short staffed, fixed schedule campus job?
|
I go to a very large state university, where I work very limited hours (10-20hrs/wk, depending on the semester) at a department funded concessions booth.
This was my third semester working there. We operate on a fix schedule, meaning we all work the same shifts on the same days every week - me quitting really puts a burden on everyone else, and they’ve said as much to me. Needless to say, most of my coworkers (who I’d call friends as well) are pretty upset with my decision, saying it’s greedy and not taking them into account.
My reason for leaving is that my boss, an older woman named Julie, has recently developed some sort of vendetta against me; prior to our spring break, she gave the Thursday workers a list of closing procedures that needed to be done by the end of Friday. I do not work Thursdays, so I didn’t see this list until Friday, when I close with one other girl. The Thursday closers did nothing on the list, leaving several hours of cleaning to me and the girl I close with. On Friday, Julie came into the store and absolutely tore into me because the cleaning wasn’t finished yet, and as a result, implemented a lot of punitive rules that I feel are targeted at me:
-Men with long hair (I’m the only guy who works there and my hair is roughly down to my neck) must wear a hairnet, while girls are allowed to tie it back.
-All seating has been removed from the store (not sure how this is relevant to her reason for being upset)
-I’ve taken on a ton of new, unpaid responsibilities for no extra money; I spent all of Wednesday and most of today building shelves for Julie’s office. The whole time I was assembling them, she was throwing very petty, emasculating comments my way (ex. I asked for a mallet to hammer some parts together, and her response was “What? You’re not strong enough?”)
-Julie has been overall very mean to me and me only; a girl was half and hour late this morning and Julie waved it off. I forgot to wear my hairnet for ~15 minutes and Julie asked if I “even have a brain”.
I’ve come to the conclusion that the way I’m being treated / talked to is not worth the money I’m being paid, so I emailed Julie to let her know I’d no longer be working for her. The email was very polite. I told all my coworkers that I was done, and the vast majority of them called me stupid / greedy / emotional / you name it.
I understand why they’d be upset but I really feel that quitting was in my best interest, working for Julie was putting me in an absolutely foul mood every day and detracting from my studies.
Did I make the right call?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
8Dnz6D8GHk6gxBsDJCZb5z80PzCQeCf4
|
awr0i1
|
{
"description": "being upset after donating to someone who come to find out didn't need it",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset after donating to someone who come to find out didn't need it?
|
I am involved in dog rescue. Occasionally, some members of our group fall on hard times and ask for others in the group to pitch in and help out. Most of the time it's when one of our dogs get really sick and vet bills get expensive.
Last summer, one woman's husband unexpectedly passed away. Suddenly she found herself several thousand dollars behind on her mortgage. For a solid two months she begged everyone in this group every few days to help her so she didn't lose her home. Many, including myself, pitched in to donate to her in her time of need. None of us are well off, but everyone tries to help everyone else. Especially if it's for the dogs. (This is the only time I've ever known it not to be for the dogs.)
A month after the deadline to get the mortgage current, which she did, she begins posting that she bought a new puppy for her grandson. An expensive puppy of the breed we work very hard to rescue, foster, conduct fundraisers to pay medical bills for and find forever homes for. I'm not gonna lie. I was a bit miffed at that. I don't make or have a lot of money, but she came across as nearly destitute, so I donated as I didn't want her to be homeless.
I just learned that she found a life insurance policy that her husband had that she had been unaware of that she has now been spending on herself and her kids and grandchildren. This really made me angry that I donated my hard earned money and she barely even thanked anyone for.. and did not disclose the newfound insurance money or offer to return any of the donations voluntarily. So I sent her a PM letting her know how I felt. She immediately apologized and attempted to give me twice the amount that I donated. I refused, and said I would simply like back what I gave you, to which she insisted 1/4 more, which I agreed to after she wouldn't take no for an answer.
Then, she creates a post finally thanking everyone who donated to her, and asking if anyone wanted their money back. She did not mention the insurance policy or that she had plenty of money mere weeks after she was pleading with everyone to help her. Now comments are being made saying, "It was a gift! Keep what you need!" and, "I wouldn't dream of asking for my money back!" She has commented that "someone" had asked for their money back which is why she was asking, not mentioning me by name, but making me out to be the bad guy. (For the record, I did NOT ask for it back. I told her that It hurt me to see her buying expensive frivolous things like a puppy that were not essential right after begging for donations, and it also hurt to find out she got a windfall and didn't mention it or the donations after the fact.)
So... AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
AW9T018UWelsxUovR1Y023EVamRwjcx7
|
an34tc
|
{
"description": "refusing to pay rent and demanding to live for free",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for refusing to pay rent and demanding to live for free?
|
Before you get your pitchforks out please let me explain. I'm currently a senior at a 4 year university and until recently I was living with my parents because it financially makes sense. It only takes me 30 minutes to make the drive to campus so I've been fine making the daily commute. Over winter break, a friend of mine invited me out to the bar for a few drinks. We've been friends for a good 4 years and he's also my old roommate freshman year. While we were having a good time and catching up he told me about his living situation. He told me how his parents pay for an apartment on campus but due to his grades not being so great, he had to move back home. His parents are Asian and super strict so that really didn't surprise me. After his parents forced him to move out they couldn't find anyone to sublease so they were stuck with an empty room. He then offered to let me move in for free since he can't live there. Thinking this was too good to be true I asked him if there was a catch. I was at least expecting to pay half rent or something but he said not to worry. Shocked by his generous offer I accepted. This was probably the kindest thing anyone's ever done and I was planning on doing something really nice for him over the summer. The next week I went to visit the place and met all of his roommates who were all super cool with me moving in. I then spent the next week packing and moving all my stuff over. It's been a month now and everything couldn't have been better until my friend who offered me the room texted me asking for rent money. I was a little taken aback by this and I really didn't know how to respond. I would have never agreed to move in if I had to pay rent because I simply can't afford it. Also I'm paying for my own tuition so I can't afford rent on top of my tuition payments. I would have just moved out but I already moved everything over. My bed, furniture, and clothes are all there. Also I canceled my university parking pass and spent money getting an apartment parking so if I move out I'm out a serious chunk of money since I have to buy my university pass again. I honestly think I shouldn't pay rent because he promised me I didn't have too. I'm going to tell him that I won't pay for anything. Is my roommate being an asshole for demanding rent after he promised that I could live there for free? Or was I just naive?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
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}
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EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
1SGuhaRfNOmB4nifyeHU80kBFquXkIkG
|
a8l6mn
|
{
"description": "jawing back with two guys when one was rude to me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for jawing back with two guys when one was rude to me?
|
I was at Wal-Mart and with it being the holidays it was packed. This guy walks in front of my cart and stops. He stares me down like I need to move, however there’s a cart to my right and the left is the endcap and I am completely blocked in. I finally just say excuse me in an exasperated tone and try to nose my cart to the left; he just looks me down but says nothing. Confused at the whole ordeal, I sort of just shake my head and go on, well his buddy with him had saw me shake my head and look confused so he said something along the lines of “Why you shakin’ that head, boy, better watch where ya goin’, boy” In a pissy hostile tone. Well this gives me a righteous indignation as I, a married man in my twenties loathe being called “boy” so I start trading words with this guy, saying that I said excuse me and I thought your friend was a rude ass, just kind of traded talk like that back-and-forth. Was this my fault? For some reason it still has me burnt up. It was an odd encounter.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
JfiZmxjc1WcNQ4Fpolvl1B7sfWedIKaK
|
ayl7ul
| null |
AITA? Friend wouldnt shut up about wanting to play an old game. I tell Him to torrent it. Gets email from isp
|
Basically One of my childhood buddies WOULD'NT Shut up about wanting to play a certain GameCube game. He'd bring it up in basically every conversation we had. When we were in a conversation two days ago I finally just said, "If you want it that badly just fucking torrent the thing if you want it that badly. Run it on dolphin Just please shut up about the game!". His mom ends up getting an email telling them to stop and freaks out. He is now PISSED at me. I know that he didn't get charged or anything like that but he's still mad at me and wont ever talk to me again. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
uegSN3k64n1zlCQWI8kaHq7M1mnDUHi8
|
akeb1y
|
{
"description": "asking my dad's girlfriend to either put a bell on her cat or not let her out at all",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I ask my dad's girlfriend to either put a bell on her cat or not let her out at all
|
Dad's girlfriend moved in with us a little over a year ago. She brought her cat with her. The cat doesn't use a litter box because she spends most of the day outside and comes in when it gets dark/cold.
The problem I'm having is last year she was an absolute terror on the small critters around us. We live in a small suburban neighborhood, and all of our backyards are divided by chain link fences.
Just about every day she would kill a bird or squirrel and it wasn't long before we just had no birds in our backyards.
The neighbors aren't happy. We've been told by multiple of them that they don't appreciate having a cat running around their back yards killing the birds that they enjoy having around.
This area has never had a problem with this as long as weve lived here and my dad's gf seems to not see a problem with it. My solution was that we could put a bell collar on her and that would serve as a bit of a warning to the animals around her.
So WIBTA if I ask her to either put a bell on the cat or keep her inside?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 11,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
vFNV4EK0L0hVtMEEHxuViFNZbtnODJLJ
|
aqvksu
|
{
"description": "being pissed at my sick friend for not helping out at our event",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being pissed at my sick friend for not helping out at our event
|
My friend roped me into being a co-logistics head with her for a college-wide event by the student council. I just finished organizing a two-day Valentine's sale for our organization and I haven't even had a day to catch my breath when I found out that work has started for the student council's event.
Here's the thing: my friend fell sick the day before Valentine's (upset stomach, can't eat, keeps vomiting and pooping liquid). She's my org mate and I tried to understand she couldn't help with the Valentine's sale because she's ill and I actually wanted her to rest and feel better, so I took over all her work yesterday. She showed up halfway into the event long enough to see how we're doing and apologise, then immediately went back home.
Skip to now, the head organizer had given us a deadline to reserve rooms by today. She came to school and we're both in our org's room waiting for our next class. I'm stressing out over the event schedule and availability of rooms so I'm trying to engage into a discussion with her about it. She claims though she's still feeling sick so I'm like, why did u even go to school but okay girl fine you can go nap. AND THEN while I'm trying to do the work that's assigned to us both, I see her laughing loudly and joking around with a dude in the room.
Thinking that since she's fine enough to come up with jokes, I asked her a question related to our work ("do you think it's bad to hold the event in the morning?"). She then tells me that she's sorry but she's still sick so she can't help me out at all. Inside I'm just, DUDE i'm just asking for your opinion, I'm not even making you do the heavy work anymore?????
I didn't tell her that though because I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. But I'm so pissed because she'd tell me she's so sick she can't even think hard stuff, but she's fine enough to sit there in front of me snickering while scrolling through FB? I don't know man, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ZZiRdxIZcfx5oUxBX95VxlZHmfg3pwHQ
|
a545ba
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my long-distance partner for not wanting a Christmas present",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my [19M] long-distance partner [19F] for not wanting a Christmas present?
|
So, I've been in a long-distance relationship with my current girlfriend for the past six months (since June). We met abroad, having each won spots on the same scholarship to go overseas for a summer. It was an amazing experience and we really bonded straight from the get-go, which for me was astounding because I've never really succeeded with real romantic relationships before. One thing led to another, as it goes, and we ultimately ended up having sex several times over there (both of us were virgins) and we decided we would stay together after the trip ended, despite us going to different and far-away universities.
After everyone got back home, things were really good between us. We would talk every day through text, Snapchat, etcetera, and would usually call each other a couple of times a week to catch up on school, work, life, etcetera. We had decided from the start that each of us was going to try and stick to the other, despite the distance separating us, but also that if one or both of us did want to separate, we would part amicably and remain on good terms (we have similar career goals and scholarship ambitions, so we assumed that we were going to see each other again eventually no matter what).
This system worked out really well for the past semester. I've never been happier, knowing that I have someone to love and who loves me for the first time in my life, and my academics and social life have really never been better. It's honestly like I've been living in a idealistic dream the last few months. Until recently.
I should probably clarify a few things before going on.
* Her family are all staunch Catholics, i.e., the no-premarital-sex type. She herself really isn't (obviously), but her wariness about her family being angry at her over having sex out of wedlock has made it impossible for us to openly spout our relationship -- e.g., on social media. At first I found this kind of fun, but for the last few weeks it has felt more like I'm holding in a lie that I want to let out but can't, and it's been irritating me more and more.
* I am poor. Like, really, REALLY poor. So poor that I rely on refunds from my student loans to live. I know I'm sadly not the only one out there in this situation, but I thought it was necessary to mention. (I guess one of the perks of being in a long-distance relationship is that you don't have a whole lot of relationship upkeep.)
* My own family is really small; it's honestly just me, my mum, an aunt, and an uncle, the latter two of which are very much 'detached', so to speak. So I have become reliant on being able to talk/vent to my girlfriend about a lot of things, and she's usually been really supportive.
With that out of the way, back to today. Or, rather, yesterday. I haven't celebrated Christmas (or, the secular gift-giving of the season) in six years, for various and unimportant reasons, but I've been saving up some money to be able to buy my girlfriend something nice. I took a trip to the local mall yesterday and had found a truly beautiful necklace that had a gem in the middle which was practically identical to her eye colour (lime-ish green). It's really spectacular, so of course I bought it.
Now, I hadn't told my girlfriend that I was going to give her a Christmas present, so she probably wasn't expecting to give or receive anything, which I understood and was prepared to accept. But here's the thing: I don't actually know her home address, either at university or at home. When I texted her about it today, she just kind of... ghosted me. For like six hours. I thought, "Well, maybe she was blindsided by this and is wondering how to say that she doesn't have a gift for me." I gave it until the end of the day (a few hours ago) and then texted her about it again. "Thanks, but no." That's all she said.
So normally, I would kind of understand, I suppose, not wanting to receive something without giving something in return (Catholic social teaching I guess), but the way she has been acting the past couple of weeks has thrown me off too. She's been responding to my texts more and more often with one-word answers (or no answer at all), hasn't actually spoken to me over the phone in a week and a half, and has downright refused to give me some form of address that I could send things to for her (her birthday was a month ago and I wanted to send her a card).
I had been getting weary of this sudden change in her personality and, maybe erratically, maybe irrationally, I just replied (in several pieces): "OK, forget I asked. You know what, maybe forget all of this. If there's something else going on that you haven't felt comfortable telling me about, that's fine, but we made a promise that we would end things together if one of us wanted out. And I want out. I'm sorry. Good luck on your finals."
She hasn't responded in the three hours since I sent that text. I was worried at first, but I'm starting to feel more and more liberated than saddened, like a great weight or something has been lifted off my shoulders. I'm also going to be returning the necklace tomorrow. I just wanted to get her something nice, to mark the six-month anniversary of our relationship, which I thought was becoming serious.
Was I in the wrong? Is there something I misunderstood? Am I the asshole?
Thank you for reading and happy holidays.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
P8jwUtPdRCha2eyNmQM6lLxEdnpDX9Nz
|
as6xs0
|
{
"description": "not understanding my roommates specific boundaries",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not understanding my roommates specific boundaries?
|
I live in a two bedroom apartment with two separate bedrooms and a shared kitchen/living room. My roommate is one of my closest friends. However, she has some annoying boundary issues? She has a problem with me making out (or anything else) with people in our apartment. I get if it was like, in the loving room, but even in my own room she's uncomfortable with it. At what point does it stop being a comfort boundary and start being too controlling? She's not lying about it making her uncomfortable, and I'm not judging her right to feel safe and respected in her own home, but how far does that extend before its unreasonable? And am I the asshole for wanting to kiss someone in my own bed when it makes my roommate upset?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
wvh7ka2Q1I1UkxPJWt1zLrTEW9MZifD1
|
aqsvge
|
{
"description": "yelling at a guy to get his dog",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for yelling at a guy to get his dog?
|
So I just got a new shelter dog and as it turns out she's pretty mean to other dogs (barks/growls/lunges). I got a private consult with an animal trainer and she advised I go to a nearby park where dogs are nearby so that I can start to desensitize my dog to others and generally make her more sociable. That's the backstory
So I am at the park having a picnic in a secluded area with my gf and the dog when out of nowhere a purebred St Bernard comes jogging up to our picnic and comes right up to me and my dog. I jump up to create space between my dog and the St Bernard and my poor gf is too overwhelmed to react or move at all.
The St Bernard seems friendly but won't give me or my dog personal space so I push it a few times and it just keeps walking back over to me still being friendly. My dog is terrified but also showing signs that she'll attack. Finally I hear a man calling the dog from about 15 or 20 yards away, but he's not really in a hurry.
So I address the guy, I'm talking loud and I'm being stern. I say "Come get your dog man". The guy starts walking over faster but while doing so starts to lecture me about being making a big deal over nothing. So I tell him "It's an on leash dog park(author note: signs posted at entrance, $200 fine). Come get your fucking dog". He then tells me that having a dog off leash is like going 5 over the speed limit and that I'm being ridiculous. And that there's a group of dog owners who all have well behaved dogs and they don't mind each other going off leash in this particular park. I didn't respond to any of that. He had his dog at that point and I just let him walk away without a response.
Was my reaction appropriate? Should I have been more understanding? Thank you for reading this non-proofread mess.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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j08UwfwkKGdhOMiQy8JWJbJTDsPJbnDr
|
b15jrf
|
{
"description": "being upset that my family thinks I'm \"high maintenance\"",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA(15M) for being upset that my family thinks I'm "high maintenance".
|
So this all started when I girl rejected me for being high maintenance I was really upset all yesterday about it. So this morning getting ready for school I sit next to one of my sisters on the couch and ask if I'm high maintenance and she said "if I'm being honest with you then yes" I asked her to explain she the said "well you seem to need a lot of emotional support and I know that's not you're fault its becuase of you're bipolar" and my other older sister over heard and she agreed. Which I was upset about then after school I called my mom since she is out on a business trip till Saturday and asked if I'm high maintenance and she said pretty much the same thing. This is when I became really upset and was in my room till my sister knocked on my door asking where I wanted to eat for dinner (cuase my mom isn't home and we dont have a dad) I told her and I guess she knew I was upset so she asked what's wrong. I told her I'm upset that everyone thinks I'm needy. She then explained that just becuase I require a lot of attention doesn't mean that they dont love me. I'm still upset about it am I a asshole for being upset over something that everyone doesn't seem to care about.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
cy8dCEjDnHwKLYQBLQdwvG8xBw1gKPyu
|
9vvuav
| null |
AITA for really just not wanting to be near my cousin
|
So, bit of a background, I am a first generation college graduate from a very poor VERY white trash family, I was forced to handle most of the college stuff myself, even going so far as having to physically force my parents to file income tax so I could get loans and aid. I got nowhere near enough and had to take out private loans and pay out of pocket as well.
My cousin on my mother's side got a hell of a lot luckier, he's older than me and his parents both had decent jobs (my mother is lazy as fuck and refuses to work, always has). He got a good tech certification for free, thanks to his mom and step-dad, he has enough to own a home. And randomly decided to be a trucker.
When he decided this, his personality changed, he went from an intelligent guy who was in on latest tech trends, to an ignorant redneck who "rolls coal" has no teeth, and believes climate/vaccine deniers "have a point". Basically he became everything I just can't stand being around. To top this he CONSTANTLY complains about his new job, he hates it, they never let HIM pick where he wants to drive! It just annoys me because I will likely never even leave my state again because of financial issues and to me he comes off as a spoiled brat (fun fact, he is one).
Through all of this my family pulls that bullshit "oh but he's FAAAAMILLLLLYYYY" card any time I refuse to be around him. Don't get me wrong, I don't HATE him by any means, I'm just sick of being around him because I'm expected to hold my tongue and let him speech his bullshit.
So anyway, am I the asshole here
Tl;Dr cousin has become obnoxiously proud of being "ignorant redneck" family tells me to just deal because "he's family" I really avoid him now
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
RlmP4fGQAI7kOPZ6kkkWcoqZGPlY0B73
|
b8r848
|
{
"description": "trolling the jukebox when I'm only at the bar with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for trolling the jukebox when I'm only at the bar with my girlfriend
|
I occasionally like to troll the jukebox at bars. For the uninitiated, I like to purposefully play bad/annoying songs on the jukebox to annoy people slightly, or at least make them look around and go "huh?". My girlfriend and I occasionally walk to various bars in our general area on weekdays when we have nothing else to do. When we go, I occasionally like to put on a dumb song because I think it's funny. She gets mad immediately.
Her stance is: "we are trying to have a nice night out and you're being an idiot putting stupid shit on the jukebox".
My stance is: "we're at a dive bar up the street on a Tuesday night. It's not like we're at a 4 star black tie affair. Nobody cares, lighten up"
Quick note, I only play a dumb song once, not spamming it 20 times in a row. Besides, the bartenders can skip my song if they hate it that much.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
8Uh1dow9DExY3zWPeAkn92SIl354tHhG
|
ad97sq
|
{
"description": "trimming my brother's dog's poopy buttflap fur",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for trimming my brother's dog's poopy buttflap fur?
|
I often watch my brother's doggos and they sometimes get poop in their buttflap fur, so I cut off the offending wisps of hair (sometimes with cemented-in poopsicles upon arrival). They also like to poop on the steep hillside in my yard, dragging their tail and long buttlap fur in the poop as they go. My own dog stopped having buttflap-poop issues since I properly groom/trim the affected area, and he could probably star in a Charmin commercial. After a particularly shitty incident that could not easily be resolved with a towel, bath, nor hose, I had to cut out a sizable chunk of his dog's lovely flowing rear locks and then evened it out somewhat (buttflap/tail hair only). My brother is quite displeased and consequently accuses me of having "neuroses." He prefers his dogs' hair long and wants me to give the dog a bath each time this happens. However, that isn't always reasonable and poop-smeared furniture in my house is where I draw the line.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
WTlBSoK26KH9QoFslcFAC4oUM6IPijYY
|
arq6su
|
{
"description": "telling my friend's mom about her slightly offending me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my friend’s mom about her slightly offending me?
|
This is my first post ever (and i’m on mobile) so i’m sorry for format issues.
Some background: I met this girl who’s about two years older than me through my mom. our mothers work together and thought we’d be good friends. I’m adopted Chinese American, and she’s pretty caucasian as far as I know. For a while we used to be pretty good friends until recently when we just stopped talking as much as I have been really busy with schooling and extracurriculars. During this period she got a boyfriend who’s six years her senior. This happened recently on a very public discord server we’re both apart of.
The conversation went a little like this (almost word for word):
Me = Me S = Friend SB = Friend’s boyfriend.
Me: Hi
S: @Me eats dogs
SB: @Me can vouch she eats dogs
Me: I’m asian and yes I eat dogs
(Was saying this guessing they were just trying to be funny)
Me: That actually kind of hurts my feelings though
SB: Fuck off you don’t have feelings you swine
Me: nah man... that kind of hurts. I have three dogs and i don’t eat them. i’m not cantonese.
(my father had told me only the cantonese eat dogs by their tour guide when they were adopting me)
S: she eats cats too
SB: can vouch she eats cats
Me: S that really does kind of hurt. It’s really offensive when you put it in a public server too. don’t reinforce a stereotype.
at this point my friend stops messaging at all. she’s very sensitive when i tell her off.
SB: I mean... it wasn’t a stereotype. i eat cats too. you just happen to be asian.
While this was happening i was in the car with my dad who i was telling this to. He told me to tell my mom which i did. She told me she was going to tell her mother. I didn’t mean to get her in trouble at all and now I fear she might become sad or depressed (like she has before when i’ve called her out) when her mother tells her.
Am I the asshole for telling my friend’s mom about her slightly offending me?
tldr; My friend and her boyfriend were making racist comments towards me, and after multiple times asking her to stop she continued to which i told my mother who told hers.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
RXd0faBTdbK1r4Ej4rtQ9GQ12fpgwWZc
|
b5hlmf
|
{
"description": "interrupting a woman who was giving a very sensitive speech to my class",
"pronormative_score": 63,
"contranormative_score": 70
}
|
AITA for interrupting a woman who was giving a very sensitive speech to my class?
|
I am a high school student, and have an extremely strict, hardass teacher who can be a bit on the unfair side at times. She announced yesterday that she was bringing a guest speaker to our classroom, a woman (and close friend of hers) who tours schools giving speeches on the dangers of drunk and distracted driving. This woman lost her young daughter in a drunk driving accident and is a severe burn victim, and my teacher told us ahead of time that her presentation will be an extremely emotional one, as she will describe the accident she experienced in detail.
My teacher stated that we all need to be on our very best behavior, and treat her with the highest of respect. She established that there will be **no** interruptions of her presentation tolerated; so that means no going to the bathroom and no tardy arrivals. She stated that she was locking the door at the start of class, and that any students who didn’t have the respect to show up on time would have to sit outside the duration of the period.
I obviously planned on arriving on time to that class (as I always do), but was called up to the office near the end of the preceding period, and by the time I was let go we were already a good 5-10 minutes into the next period. I hustled over to my classroom and knocked on the door, and through the window I was met by a huge scowl from my teacher, a shake of her head, and a gesture to wait outside. I gestured to the office, trying to indicate that’s why I was late, but she turned her head away and ignored me. The woman giving the speech didn’t notice me, as she was very invested in her presentation. At this point, she was talking at length about the morning before she got into the crash, detailing emotionally the last few hours she spent with her daughter alive.
It was quite cold, stormy, and unpleasant outside, and I **really** wanted to get in. I understand my teacher’s rule, but think that it’s horribly unfair someone should have to sit outside in the cold if they have a legitimate excuse for being late. I started knocking very hard and loud against the door, rapping against the window, calling out, “Hey, I’m out here! Can someone let me in?”, and waving my arms around in front of the window. About 30 seconds later, the woman stops and says, “I think there’s a student out there. Can someone let him in?” Someone ran over and finally let me in, and my teacher flashed me another gigantic scowl. Fairly soon after, the lady continued her speech, and things went smoothly the rest of the period.
At the end of the class, my teacher scolded me for not listening and interrupting the speech giver, and gave me a detention even after I explained that I had an excuse for being late. I’m considering telling my story to the Vice Principal and fighting this detention. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
WRONG
|
yb4hbMKuDsnxU3yOlm8w5F2eYeDSpqU0
|
b378l9
|
{
"description": "telling my mom to get a hobby",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my mom to get a hobby?
|
So my mom has been retired for some years now. She lives on the other side of the planet with my younger sister.
I noticed that lately my mom seemed kind of down in our chats. Not very enthused when answering, or taking longer than usual to answer. Usually she's a fun-loving and vivacious person but also has a tendency to fall into emotional ruts.
I asked my sister about it and she said that mom was bored because there's not much to do in the area where they live. When my sister is free from work and school my mom plans fun things to do for them but for the majority of the time she's hanging out in the house. I got sad thinking about her just sitting around with nothing to do, and I asked my sister if she had any hobbies, to which she said not really. She plays her guitar and works out with a home program but nothing that eats up a lot of time. I suggested that I could talk to mom about finding some hobbies, and my sister agreed, with the caveat that I didn't tell mom about our conversation because she didn't want any drama in the house.
So I brought it up with my mom, and I thought it went really well! I broached the subject in a way that I thought would cover my sister (started with talking about how, since I work from home and don't go out much, I'd go crazy without my hobbies, then seguing into what she got up to, to which she replied not much), then from there I suggested different things for her to do that I know she's interested in (painting, joining a class at the gym) and offered to search online to help her find things in her area. I also offered to gather resources on topics she liked and send it to her so she'd have things to read about and learn. She seemed very receptive and positive about it and by the time the chat was finished I felt like a bonafide Good Son™.
Well apparently I wasn't nearly as smooth as I thought, because my sister messaged me a day after in a huff saying that she got scolded by mom for snitching about things only she could possibly know about. My mom also said that I scolded her, which makes me feel bad because I tried to phrase things in a positive and friendly way and obviously failed. So now on top of worrying that my mom doesn't have a fulfilling life, she probably views me as a busybody.
So now, I'm kind of feeling like I overstepped and stuck my nose into a situation that I really don't know much about, or that doesn't concern me. On the other hand, I feel justified because an issue was communicated to me and I did the best I could to suggest ways to address that issue. What do you guys think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
pSWmukHRP9dOW7B0SrkEswxBgezUIyPN
|
aglwix
| null |
AITA for visibly and quite violently reacting to or giving a kind of death-stare to people who trigger my misophonia?
|
Backstory post here: https://www.reddit.com/r/misophonia/comments/agaxtc/my_misophonia_is_eating_up_my_body_and_brain/?utm_source=reddit-android
I would like anyone who is going to comment on this post to have read at the very least about my symptoms and triggers.
So, I don't mean reacting violently reacting TOWARDS them, but rather things like shaking in my arms, shutting my jaw violently. Shutting my eyes to try to rest my head, become a tiny bit snappy and trying to stay further away from the person.
I know that they are not intentionally trying to hurt me, but for some reason my brain tries to make them realize that they are hurting me.
So, AITA for doing things that otherwise would be rude, to try to null my symptoms?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
nHuOS2KYeGHkssVOj4Od2bptfVgp5ZSV
|
b4cq0n
|
{
"description": "not telling my boyfriend I knew his sister was planning on losing her virginity",
"pronormative_score": 258,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for not telling my boyfriend I knew his sister was planning on losing her virginity?
|
BF and I have been together for four years. He knows my account so needed to make a throwaway for this.
His sister is 17, I am 24 and BF is 27.
His sister came to me recently asking for advice when losing virginity and a couple other things, and she made it really clear she was planning on losing it with her current bf. I gave her all the best advice I could and told her to make sure to be safe, etc. I went with her to the doctor to get her on birth control but also made sure to tell her to use a condom for the first few times just in case - don’t want any extra worries on her mind!
A couple days later, she sends me a text saying it went really well but was very vague about it all - which I’m glad about, it’s her personal life at the end of the day. I told her I was happy for her and that’s it. The messages were very vague in terms of the actual experience, but you can definitely tell what she was talking about as she said she used a condom plus a whole lot of lube.
BF found the messages on my phone and is LIVID. He’s been so angry at me, saying his sister’s life is not my concern and I should have put a stop to it and not encouraged it. He’s not overly protective of his sister, but I can understand the worries as the eldest brother. I tried to calm him but he is very upset with me, saying I allowed his young sister to have sex when I shouldn’t have. He went on a tangent about her being way too young (in my opinion, she isn’t. I also can’t dictate what she does and doesn’t do but he won’t listen to me), and talking about how I am such a bad influence for helping her.
Reddit. Am I the asshole in this situation or not? Truthfully I just wanted to help her out. But now I’m second guessing myself.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 249,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
N9kAyEq7fOynU0Dl4bKke00oiYFxsbe3
|
b9zrc4
|
{
"description": "telling my husband to block the other woman",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my husband to block the other woman?
|
When I was pregnant, I had made a few jokes about how my husband should "find a girlfriend" because I was too sick and uncomfortable to get in the mood. Except my husband SOMEHOW thought I was being serious and started sleeping with one of his female friends. They had a long distance friends-with-benefits thing going on for a few years until one of his friends told me about it. Of course I'm upset and all, but we decide to stay together for the benefit of our son.
My husband swears it's over, but wants to continue being friends with her. He says since she lives on the other side of the country and he doesn't "really talk to her that much anymore", it shouldn't be an issue. While I'm all about putting the past behind us and moving forward, this woman has said a lot of pretty nasty things about me to my husband. She claims that I'm a terrible mother, too mentally ill to function, that our marriage is doomed, that my husband deserves better(which I'm sure means her).
I do not think that it's at all appropriate for her to be friends with my husband, for either the sex or the disrespect. In NO WAY do I want to punish him by controlling his friendships or social media. I truly want to heal our relationship and grow from this admittedly goddamn shitty situation. But I don't think it's possible for us to heal while her toxic presence is still tainting our interactions. Am I the asshole for telling him he needs to block her and cut her off?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
HhScSibGvYuf4bRAff5TB6WlS9A9D4d4
|
b0nccq
|
{
"description": "setting boundaries in my transitional housing apartment",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for setting boundaries in my transitional housing apartment?
|
As per my last post on here with my roommate breaking holes in walls etc. He manned up and apologized and took full responsibility for that so we're good on that front. HOWEVER. I left this morning to get coffee from wawa and I came back and there's a baby sitting on his bed. I'm like who tf is that? Apparently some girl who's in another transitional housing apartment thought it was a good idea to bring her child here for my roommate (18m) who's never babysat before to watch while she went to school. On top of that she's not even paying him.
First of all I don't even want any other transitional housing youth to be in our apartment in the first place because they're generally reckless and that's how we all got kicked out of our last apartment complex (story in my last post). Because at the end of the day we can't rung our kids (if we had any) to HER apartment and just dump them there and ask her to watch them for free. On top of that he's a liability here. If anything were to happen to him we're all gonna be responsible for.it because it happened in OUR apartment. It's just a big bag of irresponsibility being thrown around here and I don't like it. How do I set that boundary without sounding like an asshole? And would I be an asshole for wanting to set boundaries for the apartment in general?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
cRlSjybVJ0TFjbZP9ZiSjtv05MIAeHoi
|
b0pppg
|
{
"description": "including stipulations on purchasing the family home from Mom",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA to include stipulations on purchasing the family home from Mom?
|
My mother is on an extremely tight budget and I had the idea of purchasing her house as a way of helping her out with more money each month and also to keep the house in the family.
I’m the only sibling who supports myself and so if the house was left to all of us it would probably be sold and the tiny price divided among us. That wouldn’t be much and wouldn’t last my siblings long as they both do drugs.
My issue is this: my siblings are constantly draining my mother of every extra dime she has every month, to the point that I regularly help out with the bills when she’s broke. I certainly don’t mind helping her since I can afford it but I take it as a slap in the face when she turns around and gives my brother (who was jailed for abusing my dad in his 70s) money which enables him to continue his druggie lifestyle without consequences. As far as I’m concerned she needs to cut the cord or he will never get his act together.
When my dad died she promised him that the life insurance money was for her alone but it was gone within a year (she was giving the brother money and paying for him to order frivolous things) and we are back to the same cycle: I cut her off because I find out she’s giving him money, she promises she won’t, I help her, I find out he’s leaching again.
That background was to say this: Am I the asshole for wanting to put a clause in the contract to buy the house that no funds are to be given away/brother is to get no “help”? I know that no matter how much her income is increased, she will be broke on the first of every month if my POS brother isn’t kept from milking her.
The house is no prize and needs serious repairs, that I have been making as needed and afforded, but there is no profit in acquiring it. Financially it will be a liability but I want to keep it in the family and help her at the same time.
On one hand, what she does with her money is her business, but on the other hand, I always pick up the financial slack when someone uses her. I’ve been advised to take over her finances as a way to protect her but that feels like an insult to her. She’s an active 76 year old with a sharp mind still but she’s a pushover.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
9Dib43S9W2ijSlqcwP2pDHDbPb3U9azs
|
9ws5uv
| null |
AITA for really, really not wanting my sister's boyfriend to not come to our house for Thanksgiving?
|
Hi AITA redditors,
So my sister and I are both in college (we're the same age, both sophomores), and she invited her boyfriend of a year to come to our house for Thanksgiving break, since he can't go home for Thanksgiving break. Her and her boyfriend attend the same college and their break is a week long. The Thanksgiving at my house is pretty intimate, it is always the four members of our family and no one else, it has never included our extended family. Our dad and mom approved after the fact (begrudgingly) but my mom doesn't really want him here in particular because he's vegan and our family is not vegan, so we'd have to prepare something special for him. And my dad is kind of socially awkward at times the and doesn't really know what to do/can't be himself when people he doesnt know really well are in the house. But yes, they still said ok (even though my mom has complained about it after the ok)
I am against having him in the home for two reasons: one, because we already had him in the home for spring break, and it was not fun accommodating for his meals and everyone didn't really feel like themselves around him (it was a bit awkward, imo).
Secondly, I really don't approve of him, period. During the spring break he was here, he and my sister had a huge blowout fight with lots of my sister crying and a lot of him not caring. It's not really a one-time thing, since just this week my sister has been texting me and calling me, saying that she doesn't think he's the "one," that he is inattentive and doesn't understand her nor care for her/that he does not listen to her points of view/that he says that she is arrogant for telling him her feelings when she is upset/and that generally he just makes her feel like she's crazy a lot. She also says that he got mad at her for giving him money as a gift, and he also spends her money and makes her pay for way more than half of their meals together. She also says that generally he makes her feel unhappy and she says that the only reason she's staying with him is that she believes "she cannot do better," verbatim. She calls me every 3 months with similar complaints, and always wavers between staying with the dude and leaving him. She's had 3 boyfriends before, but this is her first serious one.
I really, really dislike the guy and do not want him to come over, and I told my sister this and also really encouraged her to renege her invitation, especially since they just fought this week. She says she does not care what I think and basically that it isn't my place. And I am also a bit selfish in that I feel uncomfortable around this person and do not want them in the home anyways.
In thinking about this, I think I am the asshole but there are also reasons partly why I am not. So Reddit, what do you think? Have I overstepped the boundaries and should I apologize and suck it up?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"description": "not wanting to see my sister on the anniversary of her son's death",
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|
AITA for not wanting to see my sister on the anniversary of her son’s death?
|
Some backstory:
TL;DR: my sister has been milking her son’s death for sympathy and pity points in arguments for 2 years, even let his dog die so she could get more sympathy.
During my nephew’s life, my sister showed little interest in him. She would threaten to kick him out when all he wanted was for her to spend time with him as much as she did with her younger kids. She told people multiple times she wished he wasn’t around so she could “get some peace and quiet”, to the point where she actually begged my mum to take him from her, but not the other 3. The amount of times he would come to me, sobbing, that he wished she’d loved him was heartbreaking. All he wanted was love and understanding, but no one seemed to give him it. She encouraged her younger children to be cruel to him. They’d all ignore him, be violent to him, and call him names whenever he spoke back to my sister, and she didn’t care.
When he got diagnosed with diabetes when he was 17, on my 18th birthday, my sister suddenly started “caring”. She would make him do his insulin shots in front of people - she did this at my birthday party, he wanted to go to the bathroom and do it in peace, but she wanted him to stay there to “make sure he was doing it right”, all whilst she accepted all the sympathy offered towards him. After a while, people stopped offering her sympathy, and she lost interest in her son again.
A year later, after he’d seen me go off to university, he decided he wanted that, too. When he told my sister that’s what he wanted, she mocked him and told him she wouldn’t support him in doing what he wanted to do. He did it anyway, and a day after he’d gone to uni she’d removed his bed and any belongings he’d left behind, and threw them away. He’d gone to the same uni as me, and I told her “but he’ll be back home again at Christmas, we can’t stay there” she said “well he can have the couch before he goes back”. He didn’t end up coming back for Christmas. He only made it 3 months until he died, alone, in his uni bedroom, 2 years ago today.
When he died, she suddenly started acting as though she were the most attentive and caring mother in the world. She would refer to him as “my blue-eyed boy”, a name she never referred to him as when he was alive. She would post about him all the time, which slowly became clear it was attention and sympathy she was after.
I know that, as shitty as she was, she is still his mother. Of course she’d be devastated, especially as she was the one who found him a day after he’d died. I admire how she knew something was wrong, in all honesty. He hadn’t been on Facebook in over 24 hours, something very unlike him, so she went to check on him. So I guess she wasn’t all bad. But I still seethe with anger whenever I see her post yet another status about how he was her world, as she simultaneously threatens her other kids with homelessness if they put a toe out of line, encouraging them to bottle up and hide their emotions, so now it’s coming out in drug abuse, running off to other countries, and her youngest son is now refusing to go to school at all - she’s encouraging that, it means she can keep him under her longer if he has no friends.
She’d used him as a weapon all his life, threatening people with not being able to see him if they did something she didn’t approve of - like my mum saying she didn’t trust my sister’s husband as he was engaged to someone else who’d just had his baby when he left her for my sister, never wanting to look after his other son again. My sister revoked all access to my nephew, didn’t even let my mum see him when he was born. She even told my mum to come see her at the hospital, then left before my mum could get there and refused to let her into the house. It got harder to do that once he got older. We were inseparable, so he’d ignore her when she told him he couldn’t come see me because she’d have an argument with my mum and decide she didn’t deserve to see her grandkids.
When he died, it became very apparent she was going to use him as a weapon again. When she caught me smoking, she’d say “what would ryan think?” (He also smoked, sometimes with me). If she was ever losing in an argument, or when she was called out on her shitty behaviour, she’d start crying and say “you don’t understand! I’ve lost my baby!”.
I had an argument with her early this year. We were planning my mum’s 60th birthday party, a surprise for her, and me and our other sister were sorting out everything, whilst she just had to get people’s orders for the restaurant. She was in a shitty mood, and I had jokingly called our brother a nob. Not the harshest thing I’ve called him, and he has said a lot worse things about all of us. She immediately starts on at me, calling me a lazy bitch and yelling at me for being mean to my brother, a man almost 20 years older than me and who didn’t care if I called him a nob. I told her to calm down, and that she was taking things way out of proportion. She said she was stressed, and that she didn’t want to go to my mum’s birthday party anymore and I said “we’re all stressed, but it’ll be worth it when mum sees the effort we put in, so calm down and stop being selfish”. That set her into a tirade of insults, and her only rebuttal was that I was being unfair calling her selfish after her son had died. I got angry and called her out on using my best friend to guilt me into backing down over an argument she started. And that ended our entire relationship.
We stopped talking for months. She made my fiancé’s life a living hell at work, causing his mental health to deteriorate which lead to him needing time off for stress under his doctor’s orders, which he was subsequently fired for. She bitched about me to everyone, sending the texts I sent her but conveniently cropping out the texts that made her look bad. All this time, I was petrified she’d delete me off my nephews Facebook - which she’d done to our sister to punish her for doing drugs. I use my nephews Facebook to message him when I really miss him, so losing that would have be agony for me. She finally tried to start talking to me again back in the summer because I had lent her £200 for an operation on her sick dog. I didn’t want to make amends, I just don’t want a dog to suffer because of an argument between me and her. It didn’t matter in the end, as she let my nephew’s dog, a gorgeous black lab he had loved and cared for until the day he died and who loved him and pined for him when he didn’t come back from uni, suffer for months and months. She had a tumour on her belly, but she kept her hidden enough that by the time we saw it we knew it was too late for her. We tried to get her to take her the vets, but she refused, and Maisie died a few weeks ago. Of course, that meant my sister could post about how “Maisie’s with Ryan now, our precious little girl 😢😢” on Facebook.
My problem:
Today we’re meant to be spending the evening at my sister’s. I don’t want to be around her and her hypocritical grief and her desire for sympathy. I want to mourn him on my own, away from her so I don’t cause an argument or spend the entire day seething with anger. I can’t forgive her for the argument we had this year, I can’t forgive her for treating my family like shit, and I can’t forgive her for neglecting her dog in favour for the 4 others she has. I told my mum I don’t want to go, and my mum is angry at me, saying I’m selfish for not wanting to support my sister on this tough day. I’m happy to be civil when I must, but today I cannot. Today I don’t have the strength to push that all out my mind. I just want to cry for him in my own time and in my own space, away from her.
So, Reddit, AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "asking my wife when she'll be home",
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|
AITA For Asking My Wife When She'll Be Home
|
For context, my wife is a rock emotionally and handles a lot. Some days though she gets overwhelmed and goes for a drive. I have come to accept this even if at the beginning I was a bit concerned.
Well a couple days ago we were at a Walgreens when police were seen arresting a guy. It was someone my wife knew. They used to work together before the man was let go for drug and alcohol abuse. As he was arrested and handcuffed for shoplifting and physically assaulting an employee. My wife talked to him and I knew she was dissapointed in him. On our way home I ask if she wants to talk about it and she says no.
So yesterday I felt like I should do something for her, so I took a half day as a surprise and decided to cook a beautiful Porchetta roast for her. I had everything ready but she wasn't home. So I figured, no big deal she's probably just going for a drive. So I texted her 'Hey. Know yesterday was a bit rough but I got something at home that I think will help a bit. Any idea of when you'll be home?'
She then calls me and says that I'm an asshole for asking when she'll be home. Usually if this happens (and it is extremely rare btw) I just wait till she gets back. Maybe I should've known better. She came home at 10 PM and ate some of the Porchetta but she's not talking to me. Should I go apologize or wait for her to realize I'm not the asshole here?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "not wanting to forgive a (former) friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
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}
|
AITA for not wanting to forgive a (former) friend?
|
Last summer I (20M) got into a fight with a friend(21M), it started small but somehow we both started to bring up old stuff to make our points more valid ( not a good idea in hindsight).
​
It started with me telling another friend (19F) all the bad things he said about her behind her back, while being nice to her when she's around. He would call her a slut, say that if I paid him €10 he would get me 1 min with her after he had a go with her and other things like that. I thought this was weird because a few years back he pulled me aside and asked if I still had feeling for her (I had a crush on her a year before that for about a month or two), I said no and he replied with:'Okay, so I can try to get back with her right?' After three weeks I got sick of it and told her.
He found out I told her and started saying the frienship is over, because I don't respected him. In his words i should've told him I don't appreciate this and I should've given him a choice: "Either you tell her and apologise or I'll tell her myself." A fair point, if only he practised what he preached. He was in the same situation before, but on my side of the story.
Then he said he wasn't that surprised since he Always knew I was 'a bit of a snake', because I would always gossip with the girls of our friend group (True, for some reason we always go that way). I would never have his back in a fight (True and false, sometimes I'm neutral and sometimes I pick sides). I wouls refuse to lie for him or somebody else (True, I don't lie to my friends if they ask me something).
He asked why I had such a problem with him and this made me say all of it at once out of anger, I was done with him because:
\- He lied about how I ended up kissing a girl ( My first kiss and he took credit by saying he asked her to, I knew he was lying because it happened at the house of my female friend and she asked the girl about it.) ( By itself not worth mentioning, but it really made a dent in my selfconfidence).
\- He made a joke about me cutting myself, something he knew I did a few times recently ( He wants to become a psygologist btw). I used to talk to him about my depression alot and he even pointed out my cuts once when we were alone, so I know this wasn't just some random command.
At first he denied it all, then he was drunk so he can't remember meaning it is my yes vs his no and his final defense was he was drunk therefor not himself.
The next day one of our friends who was there that night said that on the way home he kept saying that if I ever mention him saying that selfharm joke again he will beat me up and that he doesn't mind if I actually do it.
Weird because the next day he would text me saying he was so sorrry, and wanted to how he could fix it. He only tried to talk it out once, at a friends birthdayparty, so I said 'Not now'. ( He also asked me if I could pick him up and take him to the party, I said no.)
​
All of this started because I wanted to tell a friend how someone really thought of her.I feel like I should atleast try to start again with him, but I just feel so done with him. I feel manipulated, like he tried to guilt trip me. My depression got worse since this fight and I start to feel like I did it myself, because I did something I maybe shouldn't have done. Am I the asshole or is the friendship really over? Maybe it's both ,you tell me.
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not inviting my dad's new wife to my wedding",
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|
AITA for not inviting my dad's new wife to my wedding?
|
My parents are divorced. Supposedly my mom cheated on him years ago, and he is the type that can't let stuff go. He put her through a lot of verbal abuse before she left him. Also, he was having an affair for years afterward to the point that mom and I both found out. He felt justified because of what happened and continued to see her before and after the divorce. Now he is married to the other woman and expects me to be super warm to her. To be fair, she is a very nice lady who is not spiteful at all. I think she was doing the same type of sneaking on her end as well.
Now I am engaged, and when I told him that I didn't want her and my mom both at the wedding, he freaked out. He has always been pretty controlling of others. He told me I need to "respect my elders", "he raised me better than that", "I don't understand why you have a grudge against her and don't want me to be happy". I directly asked if he thinks she has a right to be at *my* wedding, and he said yes. When I said it is my choice, he replied "I am sorry I failed you".
I understand he is trying to live his life with someone he loves (who is quite nice), and I would never be mean to her, but I don't think I will ever have any love for her. And I really think my wedding list is my choice. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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altlgl
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{
"description": "asking her out to play some videogames",
"pronormative_score": 7,
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|
AITA for asking her out to play some videogames?
|
We are talking about an online friend community here, where we are usually playing videogames with eachother. I have been friends with this dude for like 5-6 years, we talked like every single day and played videogames. Lately he got a few new friends who he played with - completely normal, he wasn't ignoring me or talking less to me or anything. After a few weeks when he was not available to play, I asked one of his "new" friends if she wants to play. She said sure, but she has exams now so let's do it a few days later.
After the exact hour this happened, the dude I have known for 5-6 years, whose girl friend (not girlfriend!) I asked out to play, he started to ignore me. I messaged him 1-2 times every day for a few days, telling him that I did not have any bad intentions with it and I even cancelled the plands with the girl because it would have felt wrong to play with herl after what happened.
​
Days turned into weeks without he saying a word to me. I stopped trying to talk to him after like the first week. Then he started removing me on social medias, left my discord server and removed my special roles on his.
​
Did I do anything wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
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a7v1mi
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{
"description": "not being able to communicate in a long distance relationship during competitive exams",
"pronormative_score": 7,
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|
AITA for not being able to communicate in a long distance relationship during competitive exams?
|
I'm an Indian. Here, to have a decent life, you have 2 options: engineering or medical. Both have pretty tough enterance exams for a select few good colleges and are in the top coveted competitive exams in the world and I'm giving the engineering one. It's called JEE for those who want to do further research.
I was in a relationship for 2 years, before she broke it to me that she's leaving for Canada. She wanted to long distance it and I happily agreed. There were several pressing issues that we had to tackle though:
1. Time zones: it's literally on opposite sides of the globe, so we could talk freely at like 12:30 at night for either side. Combine that with our school timings and tuitions and self study time, and I had to stay awake till 1:30 every night and wake up at 5 every morning whenever we would talk.
2. Parents: her parents were chill about this relationship, but I intentionally did not tell my parents because they're very serious about me studying and will remove any distraction that comes my way. I knew telling them would mean that I wouldn't get to talk to her, as a result I could not chat with her when my parents were around.
3. My exams: this one should be pretty self explanatory from the first paragraph. Add to this I'm not very good at this, my interest lies in coding and software development, but I have to do 2 years of first year college level physics chemistry and math for 11th and 12th even though I'm no good at 60% of the net portion.
It's almost the end of these 2 years and now 4 years for our relationship, and our time to talk was getting more and more constricted. I genuinely tried my best to spend as much time as possible, but even with that, it was boiling down to about an hour every 3 days. We used to talk for more than 2 hours twice a day at the beginning of the long distance phase and even more when she was here with me.
She told me yesterday that things weren't working out, that she needed more time from me. She even pretended to go out or be busy the last 2 times I stayed awake for our talking time.
We ended it amicably, but the fact that she told me that she thinks she's not my top priority now, and that my exams are not as important as her, sorta irked me. I understand that I went wrong with not giving her enough time, but my hands were tied. There was literally nothing I could do. Was there anything I should have done?
I'm new to this subreddit, if I've done something incorrect with the post itself, please do tell, I'll remove it and put up a fixed version.
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HISTORICAL
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asw76a
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{
"description": "not visiting my Grandma",
"pronormative_score": 5,
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|
AITA for not visiting my Grandma?
|
Backstory: My Grandpa and Grandma were the "kids were to be seen, not heard" variety when I was growing up. Every memory I have of them as a kid was one of two:
* Excuses for missing something important I invited them to (championships, awards, events, bring grandparents to school day, etc...) with the exception of my High School graduation, which they were there, said congrats and left. It kinda felt more like they felt obligated rather than wanting to be there.
* Being told that I was everything wrong with my generation. I spent too much time playing video games (hilarious since they always had the same old movies and TV shows playing). In addition, I needed to get outside more, despite being active in sports (see again the above TV hypocrisy)
Well fast forward, Grandpa based a few years ago, and one of my aunts moved in with Grandma, she's not doing great. She's not in bad health per-say but it's getting harder for her to take care of stuff.
We visit 1-2 times a year and she's always commenting on how we need to drop by more, how she misses us and wants to see us more.
I've been told I'm being heartless but I'm married now, I've built a life for myself, which I feel she's chosen not to include herself in my whole life until now. I don't hate her, I am happy to visit 1-2 times a year, but I also feel like she doesn't actually care about me, she wants me to visit so she's not lonely and couldn't care less who it is.
Well there it is, AITA? Am I being petty and selfish with my time, or are my bi-annual visits more than fair?
I wait my judgement with an open mind.
|
HISTORICAL
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a3kdx6
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{
"description": "not mowing the lawn for my roommate's girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 11,
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|
AITA for not mowing the lawn for my roommate's girlfriend?
|
I recently lived in a 3 bedroom house with my 2 of my friends. As part of the lease, we were supposed to mow the lawn once a week, so to make it fair we would each mow one week on a rotation.
One of my friends left and the remaining friend's girlfriend moved in. Once she moved in my roommate informed me that only myself and him would be rotating mowing.
I totally get trying to be nice and taking the shift for your girlfriend, I even understand asking your other roommate to share the rotation. I was never asked if I would share the rotation, my roommate just told me that's the way it had to be. This actually became a point of contention between us (his girlfriend never actually said anything to me about it and she made no indication that she even cared).
Had I been in my roommates place if I decided that she can't mow and I wanted to get help from my roommate I would've asked him, fully prepared to accept her shift if refused. My roommate got no say in whether my girlfriend can mow, why should he pay the consequences of my decision?
I made my case stating that had I been asked instead of told, I would've been much more receptive and he made his case basically that she's a girl you have to do manual labor for her or you're a jerk. An additional statement he made was that she cleaned up around the house as well which was true, but to me there's the shared lease responsibility (mowing), then there's just general living with people (cleaning up the house).
The thing that really got me was that I asked probably around 5 people about it and they all said ITA. I still feel like I'm NTA pretty strongly.
I recognize the whole thing is petty. Ended up just not mowing on her turn because I'm stubborn AF. The grass got hilariously tall.
|
HISTORICAL
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b5vh6n
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{
"description": "letting my boyfriend cook",
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|
AITA for letting my [F18] boyfriend [M21] cook???
|
\[We're living together.\]
I was super dead tired today, so tired that I fell asleep as soon as I came home from school. We always discuss things we (usually I) make for dinner the day before and share the recipe/dish we want to make with each other. (We planned on making a Indian potatoes with chickpeas today. It has 5 ingredients and tbh...it's not hard to make. You basically toss everything in a pan and add some cream afterwards...) Now I was SO tired (just finished and mandatory 20 page assignment yesterday) that I fell asleep at 3pm and slept till 10pm. We I woke up he was super mad at me, he told me that there would be no dinner today, because the potatoes aren't cooked through yet. I then asked him whether or not he has been cooking potatoes first before he tossed them into the pan (low-medium heat) with the other ingredients. I did say that it's a pretty known fact that (unless stated otherwise) one should always cook the potatoes first.
He went from mad to being straight up terrifying, he told me that I should have told him. (The recipe sadly didn't state it explictly) That I would be the one at fault. That I now successfully fucked his diet. That it was my fault that he is ending up hungry and that I wasted 2 hours of his time he could have used to do something better. He also told me I was supposed to answer if he asks me something that being asleep is no excuse. When I said "Sorry... I was sleeping." he kicked his chair over and proceeded to continuously kick and step on it for about 30secs.
​
So....AITA? I do have to say tho, I didn't do a lot these past months due to depression (and then having to catch up one months worth of school) and he has been helping me out more than usual lately.
​
tl;dr: My bf failed to make dinner and blamed it on me. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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au1pmq
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{
"description": "not telling my friend I've started seeing a mutual friend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
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|
AITA For not telling my friend I've started seeing a mutual friend?
|
Over the weekend I got accused of being an asshole and that I've betrayed a friend. I have a group of friends that have all been friends for close to 3 years. Recently (about 3 weeks ago) my friend Alex and I attended an event together and have started seeing each other since then. She's a ton of fun and we've always gotten along really well. I am overall really happy the direction its headed, however since we are in the same friend group we have agreed to not let on that we are seeing each other quite yet. There were no previous relationships involving anyone in the friend group. We've made it a point to not really be flirty or overly touchy during this time.
We both decided that getting other parties involved would complicate things and why cause drama when we aren't sure if its going to be a sure thing. Given other dynamics and our friend group's love to make things difficult this made sense. Up until last night this had been working out fine.
Last night Alex and I decided to go to the bars. Our plan was to potentially meet up with our third friend Chuck and some of his buddies. After being blown off for a couple hours by Chuck, they finally showed up hammered. Immediately Chuck begins to ask a bunch of questions about the two of us loudly in a crowded bar. We laughed and brushed it off, but he continued to isolate and separate us. Not wanting to deal with it in the bar we both denied anything happening, albeit a bit differently. He then spent the rest of the evening saying how happy he was for us and how it was cool. He would occasionally make sexually suggestive comments and gestures. Then he started getting pissed about it and saying stuff that didn't really make sense. I thought we ended the night fine when Alex and I left though.
Today we've exchanged a bunch of texts and I've apologized for not being straight up about it, still he feels betrayed and like he had to manipulate both of us to get it out. Also that we wouldn't have told him if he didn't do that.
I guess where my head is that a relationship is between two people, and I shouldn't have to define it to a third party especially in bar with 200 other people. Is it bad to want a bit of privacy or do I have the responsibility to tell everyone? I've been clear that none of this was meant to hurt him and that we wanted to be on the same page before telling other people. Also that I value his friendship and that I would never intentionally do anything to jeopardize it. I realize I shouldn't have blown him off and instead said we should talk later, but AITA for not telling him sooner? Any advice for moving forward?
​
TL:DR I started seeing a mutual friend. A third friend confronted us in a crowded bar and we initially denied anything going on. He made comments all over the place, but I thought we were okay that night. Today he says I owed him to tell him sooner. AITA
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RIGHT
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aeRI8nm0EjYFIRM7JuTBKkInu6Rw93FF
|
b0kxrl
|
{
"description": "buying a car instead of moving out with my gf sooner",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I bought a car instead of moving out with my GF sooner?
|
My gf and I are both 21 and have been dating for just over six years. I currently live with a friend for a bargain of a rent price and she is still living at home with her family.
I have a car that is going to inevitability become a money pit. I’m cutting my losses and selling it, and as an enthusiast I’d like to at least get something I’d still enjoy. I’m not splurging out - found a car normally valued around $10k up for sale for $6.5k (which I can talk down further) because the owner doesn’t realise they’ve been majorly over quoted on some simple repairs.
Anyway, my gf wants to move out of home but not move in with me now because she only wants to live with the two of us in our own place. Also, she doesn’t want to move out together until I have *x* amount of money in my savings as a feeling of financial comfort/ safety net. Now this all doesn’t bother me too much, but I am admittedly going to have to dip into my savings a bit in order to get this car I’d like and touch it up.
As a result, it might take a bit longer until we move out together. She tells me that she supports any decision I make and ultimately it’s up to me of course - but also keeps banging the same drum on how it makes her sad and that she feels like I’m choosing a car over her. It does flick my guilt switch pretty hard. I’m thinking about just finding a beater for the mean time to try and make the best of both worlds - but it’s hard to let go of this car I’m looking at.
I rarely put my own desires ahead of people, but this is sort of how I see this situation:
She could be living with me right now, but she’s created parameters stopping that from happening for herself. Instead, she wants me to save more and live somewhere to pay more rent than I currently am.
She’s also quite self aware of the fact that her mindset is stopping her from being able to get what she ultimately wants (living together), yet I feel like a dick for upsetting her because we won’t move out just quite as soon as we could. I feel like a bit of a dick in this scenario, because I do want to move out together and would love to have our own place despite paying a little more and I feel like getting this car would show otherwise.
However I also don’t feel like my desires are unreasonable - we’ll still move out together most likely within the year and I will also get the car I really want.
So Reddit, if you made it through all that faff, WIBTA for buying a car?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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a35hgh
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{
"description": "punching a Survivor of Pediatric Brain Cancer",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for Punching A Survivor of Pediatric Brain Cancer?
|
Throwaway account. Originally posted in r/AITA and I deleted the original post and reposted here once I realized this is the correct subreddit.
​
This happened to me back in high school. One of my classmates, let's call him Tim, was this really innocent, sweet-looking school kid. He was an average student, was deferential to teachers and adults, and was generally liked by the popular kids in my school. Tim was about 5'2'' in height and had a generally pleasant appearance/demeanor. He was a bit of a class clown in that he'd make jokes in class and was generally regarded as this fun-loving, do-no-wrong kid by many.
​
I didn't meet Tim until high school (he had gone to a different elementary and middle school in my town) but it was no secret that Tim was a cancer survivor - he had brain cancer when he was in elementary school and sported a buzz cut all throughout high school that would accentuate this large scar (possibly scars?) on his scalp. A good number of kids in my high school went to elementary school with him and remembered him going through chemotherapy and would frequently tell anybody who didn't already know that Tim was a hero for beating pediatric cancer. Tim had achieved this cult hero status by high school and it was cool to be friends with, or friendly towards, Tim.
​
I, on the other hand, was pretty unpopular. I wore hand-me-down clothes from my much-older brother and had really strict parents that didn't let me go out much, so I was socially awkward. I was nice (or I think I was?), so people generally left me alone, but it wasn't unheard of for people to openly bully me for being the weird guy. Tim decided to piggy-back on this general sentiment of making me a punching bag, and openly ridiculed me in front of his popular friends. In private, he started hitting me (main example I can think of was him hitting me pretty hard with weight room equipment - always when the PE teacher wasn't looking, so the teacher didn't believe me). He started picking on the few friends I had and even turned some of the friends I had against me, because it became cool to make fun of me because Tim did it. Being my former friends, I had confided some embarrassing information to them and they therefore had even more fuel to add to the fire.
​
One of my best friends, Sarah, stood by me and quietly endured the insults he lobbed at both me and her until our junior year of high school, when her mom died. Her dad took her out of school for a month because it really shattered her world. During that month, Tim continued to taunt me and would say really messed up stuff, like asking me if I missed my friend, who was at home missing her dead mom. Sarah finally came back to school and it was pretty clear that she was still going through a rough patch. Tim saw her distress and asked her if "she missed her mommy", then cackled with laughter.
​
I finally snapped and socked Tim so hard in the face that he fell backwards onto his back. He started crying and ran and told the teachers that I had punched him. I got sent to the principal's office. The principal called my mom and told her that I had "punched a pediatric cancer survivor" in the face and that she needed to come get me because I was going to be on a one week suspension while the district considered expelling me from school. My mom was pissed off at me because she had to take unpaid time off work to get me (remember, poor family), and all the teachers/principal/classmates told me I was an asshole for hitting someone who survived cancer. Tim's mom came in screeching at my mom about how I probably gave her son a concussion, and a condition for my eventual return to the school was to write him an apology for hitting him.
​
tl;dr My high school bully, who survived pediatric brain cancer, bullied me and my friends for years. He finally goes too far by insulting my best friend's dead mother, so I punched him in the face. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ahsu9r
|
{
"description": "thinking I just got an Uber driver fired, lol",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA I think I just got an Uber driver fired, lol
|
There is a bit of a back story to this. So originally I placed an order a few months ago on Uber Eats, when the delivery guy got here I was brushing my teeth and didn’t immediately here the door bell. He might’ve waited a max of 5 minutes. When I got to the door he was not only rude but extremely threatening. He questioned me aggressively “What took you so long you know I’m waiting?” It was hostile and actually odd. Never been in a situation where I thought an employee was a danger or something. I then made the comment “Hey man, sorry I kept you waiting I’ll throw in a couple extra bucks” genuinely trying to be nice. He proceeds to make me uncomfortable. I can’t really describe the situation but it wasn’t just him being mad about waiting, he actually felt like a loose canon and he might hit me or something. He then leaves, but instead of tipping him I said screw that, left him nothing and went on about my life.
A few months goes by and that brings me to today, I made an order on Uber Eats and what do you know he is my driver. The last time I saw him made me so uncomfortable I almost canceled it, but he was to close and decided not to. He gets to the door and I know he remembers me but a split second before I opened it I thought I’d be polite. I said “Thank you sir.” He sort of just shoves it in my hands and doesn’t say a word.
I contacted Uber and asked them to blacklist him from coming to my house. Never asked for a refund or anything like. Just want to be able to order food without that turd coming here again. Oh well.
So AITA
tl;dr Uber Eats driver was a dick, contacted support and pretty sure he doesn’t work there anymore
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
Y5Pcc1PFRL5lSp1yv2qgs32bpwrzw8ZZ
|
b1h9dq
|
{
"description": "not always helping my mom around the house",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not always helping my mom around the house?
|
I know what you're thinking, but hear me out:
My mom has been sick on and off since I was 8 (I'll be 19 tomorrow), so it was pretty rough to know there wasn't much I could do as a kid. She was forced to retire due to thyroid cancer and other conditions.
My mom is now a housewife while my dad are working. Unfortunately, she sometimes gets carried away when cleaning to the point where she exhausts herself.
I got my license last month and started my new job earlier this week, so I try to help her when I'm off. However, my mom is pretty stubborn and absolutely HATES not being able to do anything. When I offer to help her, she normally declines because she doesn't want me to feel like I burden her
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
OiP5qGpcgc2AEehykJp0IjwCet5RuILV
|
ah2ryw
|
{
"description": "being pissed and not talking to my bf because he didnt cook dinner",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being pissed and not talking to my bf because he didnt cook dinner?
|
I wasn't sure if I want to post this here or in relationship advise. I think that it makes more sense in this sub since I want to get perspective on if I am the asshole and should change or if I'm validated in being mad.
I rent a room from my bfs mother. He still lives with her, so technically we kinda live together.
Now I often experience him being super selfish (from my POV). He won't use 30 min of his time to save 2h for me and generally doesn't like to get out of his comfort zone to do things I ask him to.
I dearly love him and I do believe that he also loves me and this relationship is super important for me, so usually when I'm pissed at him I try to communicate to him the reason why and if he refuses to admit that it's his fault (I can't remember him admitting it a single time), I just back off and try to calm down on my own and stop being mad. Even when I demand an apology I won't get it, so if I don't talk to him first we'll probably wouldn't have talked ever again.
Now today he got home 2.5h before I did. Knowing this I asked him to prepare dinner for us. Imo it's reasonable in this case. He doesn't reply to me for the next 4h after I asked him, so I just assume he saw it and will prepare something.
I get home and... Nothing. His mother is very apologetic and says she didn't know I'd be home at this time otherwise she would've prepared something. She made some rice pudding though, so I can have it if I want to.
Even though she cooks for all of us most of the time, this time she clearly stated she doesn't have the time and we should take care of it ourselves. Shouldn't be a problem when my bf is home at 3PM, right?
So at this point I am already pissed. I go into his room and he is in front of the computer. I ask him why he didn't make dinner for us, to what he replies that he didn't have dinner himself and his mother made rice pudding anyway so I can just eat that. He also says he didn't have time because he had to work on his written proposal for a project.
This made me even more mad as I know that 1. He probably started 15 minutes before I came and slept/watched series until then and 2. It's not something that takes a whole evening, so he could have made some food and then started with his work. He also knows I'm trying to lose weight and after not eating the whole day, a load of useless carbs that will make me full for 30 minutes isn't something I want to eat.
In the end I made myself some eggs, nothing for him because I really don't see why I should work on dinner when I came home after 12h being away, and then I just ate downstairs and not in our room and planned on cleaning after it to get my mind off things.
When he came into the kitchen he ignored me, as if I wronged him, and went to bed afterwards (at 6:30PM). So I guess this work of his wasn't this time consuming after all.
He didn't talk to me and I refuse to cave in and talk to him. I am so tired of being the bigger person all the time.
Sorry for this wall of text. I just really need to get it out of my system and I would also like to know if I am overreacting and being an asshole or if my anger is justified.
So, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
xBJGlUJ8wfQMavAerzdRAh1jYjNbn1ip
|
b37hnn
|
{
"description": "not cleaning my beans",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not cleaning my beans?
|
Yesterday, I made some refried beans on a pan for my friend and I. I had a lot left so I thought I’d put them on a container and put them in the refrigerator. Unfortunately, I forgot about it, so they were on the stove overnight.
This morning, I came into the kitchen, and about half of the beans were spilled on the floor and left there. I know it was my roommate. I’m assuming she was moving the pan and some of them spilled, so it was likely an accident. But still, she never cleaned it up. Honestly, it made me pretty pissed that she didn’t pick up what she spilled on the floor, and I’m kind of refusing to clean that up. So far, all I’ve done is clean the pan. We’ve had some issues for a few months, so this honestly feels more passive aggressive than anything.
But I’m torn because I know it was my food that was spilled, but if I accidentally dropped some leftover food of hers that had been sitting out, I would have cleaned it. AITA for not cleaning up the food on the floor and wanting her to do it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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EVERYBODY
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|
WRONG
|
2D7EhA7QfM7ULQ4CztgVgAuYDI8An3lk
|
ar25q4
|
{
"description": "filing a complaint against my Grandma's doctor",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for filing a complaint against my Grandma's doctor?
|
My Grandma is 84 has Meniere's disease, depression, and high blood pressure. I live with her and my uncle lives on the property in a trailer (20-acre property, we don't see him much). I go to all the doctor's appts and take notes because my Grandma "doesn't remember" what they said, until I show her the note then it's an "I didn't want to remember what they said". Needless to say, she isn't big on doctors.
The doctors out here aren't big on me either. I've pointed out every time we go to her GP that blood pressure has to be taken after 10 min of sitting down with feet flat on the floor (and not needing to go pee, not having eaten in the last 1/2 hr, and so on). Every time we go in they assure me that they take it twice and take the average. I point out that when one number is WAY OFF the average will also be off. They get mad, I get mad, Grandma gets mad. Rinse and repeat. At home **and** after 10 min of rest at the doctor's office her BP is consistently 120/60. Two weeks ago they called and said that 4 months ago (I was away and asked my uncle to take my Grandma to the doctor) they asked that Grandma come in twice a month for BP monitoring, my uncle wasn't in the room and my Grandma "forgot". I'm on her HIPA and make all her appts so I made an appt for later that week and not an hour later we got a callback, the office refused to talk to me. Grandma still refuses to wear her hearing aids and just said "yes" and asked me to call back to figure out what it was about. I called back, found out that the doctor doesn't want me at ANY of her appts, and pointed out that every single appt that she has gone to the last 2 years has been made by me, and pointed out that before me my Grandma was notorious for canceling or not showing up to any doctor appts. They agree, but her doctor doesn't like me. I pointed out that because I was on her HIPA that it is my right. Again, they agree, but her doctor thinks I'm bossy.
The doctor thinks I'm bossy not just because of the BP, but also the Meniere's disease. I told her about the ENT's diagnoses, and that my Grandma HAS TO wear her hearing aid and glasses. Her GP said, "your granddaughter is just being controlling, don't listen to her". 2 months later Grandma fell and the EMT's agreed that is was the Meniere's disease. I called her GP and explained that she fell for the 4th time that year and she owes me an apology and should update her records to include the ENT diagnoses. I did later have the ENT fax over her records to her GP, but the office really should have done that already. I filed a complaint that time but when my Grandma found out SHE was PISSED and said I had no right.
AITA for filing another complaint against her doctor despite how Grandma feels?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
xN7iaTyd2hR0HSYadGkWz5JQ2vAEGPHO
|
b7wycm
|
{
"description": "ghosting my friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA If I ghost my friend?
|
Okay, so generally I am strongly against ghosting people and would prefer to confront the person in order to preserve the relationship or, if ending the relationship, give the other person closure. In this case, I think ghosting is the route to go but am unsure and want to avoid hurting anyone as much as possible.
So, last year, when I was in high school, I became friends with Jenny and Bruce. We all vibed off each other really well and just generally had a fun time together. Jenny, however, began to do things that bugged me. She'd be very passive aggressive, straight up ignore you if she was upset sometimes, and be manipulative. She could also often be emotionally draining to be around. While I am willing to support a friend in need, when it was just me and her alone, she'd turn the conversation to her personal problems nearly every time we spoke. She was beginning to be too much for me, but I figured maybe it'd pass.
After we all graduated, I wanted to continue hanging out with her and Bruce because we all had fun together. For the most part, it was a decent time. But I found that she kept doing more and more things that irked me. Eventually, I realized I was going to my other friends complaining about the things she'd do, and that's when two things hit me: A) that I sort of dislike Jenny, and B) that that's a pretty shitty, asshole-ish thing to do. Friends shouldn't be complaining about you behind your back, and friends don't act like they like you to your face when in reality they sort of dislike you. Jenny and I aren't very close anyway, and we don't text on the daily or anything. In fact, we rarely text or talk outside of hanging out with Bruce at all. I think if I were to ghost her, she probably wouldn't notice too much. I should also clarify that by ghosting, I wouldn't lose her number or anything. I would still respond to a text if she sent one, but I wouldn't be initiating any conversations, and I certainly won't be hanging out with her again. Also, if she were to ask if we were still friends or why I'm not really around anymore, I'd give her an honest answer. I just want to make sure that this approach of, just kind of... not initiating anything... makes me a dick or if I should confront her straight-up and be honest now.
TL;DR: Became friends with this girl, realized I sort of dislike her and decided I don't want to be her friend anymore. WIBTA if I don't make any more efforts to be her friend and silently let her go, or should I tell her straight-up that I am no longer interested in being her friend?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
D2EjfNHgb4mvPXHpHZkqJCYSXJhNamtQ
|
b7jfsu
|
{
"description": "asking my friend to pay fair market rent to stay at my place",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for asking my friend to pay fair market rent to stay at my place?
|
I have known a guy since 2006 and in 2017 he landed a 10 week contract gig in the city my wife and I had just bought a house in. With a spare bedroom we agreed to let him stay with us for a total of $1000. This came out to about $400/month. We had a few issues such as him thinking he could eat our food and use our toiletries but that we settled and when he moved out we thought things went alright and offered him to come back if the chance provided itself.
Que a few months later when has another contract job. Enough time had passed that my wife made the spare bedroom her craft room but I rarely used my office so I figured he could crash in there, again at $400 since he wouldn't have his own place. He goes to sleep at 8PM when I go to sleep at 11PM, I adjusted A LOT to respect his privacy but whatever, he is a friend, right? When he came up he had nothing but clothes and his computer desk so I bought a futon that I had wanted in there for awhile as well as clearing off some shelves for him. We also agreed that he would pay an extra roughly $50 month to cover food and toiletries. This started informally with him occasionally covering groceries when we went shopping but I noticed one month he didn't pay anything because both times we went shopping we bought a lot of food. We settled this by making rent a firm $450. In all this time $400 and then $450 was a "family chipping in" rate. He used our everything just as if he was family. Internet, streaming, TV, etc, it was included.
As his initially 3 month contract got extended to 4, 5, and finally 6 months I decided that it was time to give him his own room. He was a bit reluctant to make us shuffle stuff around but when his contract got made into a permanent deal I asked if he planned on moving soon, he said no, and we made it happen.
When he got his own room we had an issue where he thought he could take the futon, bookshelves, and everything else he was using in there, of course not as I paid for all that and actively had plans and used it. After he was in his own room he began to further regress to a previous version of himself that drank heavily and overall didn't engage me or my wife. There are a lot of issues beyond what I can write in 3000 characters but it got rough.
We decided to charge market rate of $600 + $50 for food and toiletries. We gave him two months of the old rate if he wanted to leave and one month of the current rate before increasing if he wanted to stay. He decided option C, leave before March was over with.
I am bothered because I wanted to help him out. This dude is making over $2.5k/month, has no expenses, and was basically taking advantage of me. He thinks he can either go full work from home in a contract job which will kill his future prospects or find a place up here for himself but rooms run for $800 starting out.
Am I justified here or just and asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
3Us8ng4OHPDURPs3prr9vB2wStjSpvbZ
|
aejroo
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend she cant come to new york with me",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend she cant come to new york with me?
|
Note: I told her she couldn't come if she was still sick by tomorrow
My parents got me and my siblings a trip to New York and tickets to a play for Christmas, and we're all going on saturday, including my girlfriend who has never been. However, she had a fever of 102.5 yesterday, and my mom is immuno compromised due to her RA (Remathoid arthritis or something, idk the first words spelling). I told my girlfriend she couldn't come unless she's better by tomorrow, because this could end very badly for my mom. I was kinda harsh with my wording towards her, and she's never really been out of state, so she's very excited. Also, her parents helped to get a ticket for her to come with us. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
XOtGnSTL0HvxcNFN9BYCd85UYmJpju1J
|
a0j1is
|
{
"description": "disregarding a bridesmaids demands",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA for disregarding a bridesmaids demands?
|
My girlfriend’s close friend, Mary, is getting married next summer and my girlfriend and her friend Julia are going to be bridesmaids. To begin with both Julia and Mary told my girlfriend that I have to wear a suit because it would be inconsiderate of me not to, and every other man will be wearing one. I’m not sure that it’s true though that every other man will be wearing one, since there isn’t any official dress code for the wedding. I told my girlfriend that I didn’t want to wear one because I’m a student and suits are very expensive – She understood me and thought it was ok. So, I told Julia and Mary that I don’t want to buy a suit because it’s too expensive for me. Mary does understand me to some extent, but she still thinks it’d be best to wear a suit in order to fit in, but otherwise she wouldn’t mind if I didn’t wear one. But Julia doesn’t understand me at all and seems to think a suit is the only acceptable thing to wear at a wedding, and that I have to wear a suit in order to fit in and be accepted by the others. But since I’d only be buying it for the wedding, I think it’s a waste of money. I told them I was going to be wearing something nice and that I of course wouldn’t show up in sweatpants or something. But it seems like Julia thinks that a suit is the only acceptable thing to wear at a wedding. I would respect if the bride told me I had to wear a suit, but I don’t feel like spending money on a suit just to fit in and to satisfy one of the bridesmaids. I understand that you can’t show up in just anything and you have to look nice, but I don’t understand why it’s so important for her that I wear a suit. Would I be the asshole for not wearing a suit to the wedding?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
XByHlIN8lD2xUkzrGkt7Pcue8omTcONB
|
ahrab5
|
{
"description": "cutting my daughter off financially but not my Son",
"pronormative_score": 108,
"contranormative_score": 54
}
|
AITA For Cutting my Daughter off Financially but not my Son?
|
Some background here, my daughter is 22, son is 19. I grew up in a very poor family my parents brought in maybe 30k together growing up so I never got anything or asked for anything. Started mowing lawns and shoveling snow at 11 to help out with groceries and save and I have been busting my ass everyday since to get rich. I paid my way through college and I'm very blessed to say that I'm wealthy now. Because of this I wanted my kids to never experience the hard shit I had to go through as a kid being so poor and never having anything.
As a result my daughter is spoiled as can be, like think of those teen girls on my sweet 16 type of spoiled. I realized this is my fault and my wifes because ever since she was a little girl I got her whatever she wanted no matter the price. Benz for her 16th bday, designer clothes since she was like 13, designer bags, trips to exotic places, credit card with a 5k limit she maxes out monthly, paid her tuition for 4 years, bought her a condo after she graduated last spring etc etc.
My son who's 19 has never really asked for much, sports fee's/equipment, consoles, other electronics and he only wanted a Honda when he turned 16 and he still drives it. He also works part time and I gave him a CC with a 1000 limit which he doesn't come close to maxing out but not bad. I'm happy he's a hardworking level headed kid and I see a lot of myself in him, he's a go getter and savvy.
​
Here's where the problems start with my daughter, she graduated in June with a BA in Psych and has never worked before. I bought her a condo downtown as a grad present and I keep nudging her to try and find a job but she's too busy trying to become a model on instagram so my wife says. Around xmas time a few weeks ago I told my wife I was cutting her off almost completely except for 1k a month allowance. No more 5k credit card limit and coming to mommy and daddy whenever she needs cash. My wife said what about our son, you're not gonna cut him off? I said no because he has worked since he was 16 and I barely have even given him anything in comparison to his sister. Plus he's in college still so I pay for his tuition. My wife was not pleased with this and said a Dad should not do this but I was adamant about teaching my daughter about the real world. I sat down with my daughter and she got super mad as expected and insulted me a lot, I almost cried after she left. I've given my life to make money to make my family happy and to hear that from my daughter made me so sad. But I knew I still had to do this for her own sake, so I took away her card and gave her 1k cash and told her to come see me at the end of January for another 1k. I told her to get a job and that I would pay for a career coach and everything to help her. She was mad and didn't answer me other than calling me a bad dad and an asshole.
​
So reddit AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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W9nZN11AqqSwRfV79oDK6WXSajlgYu5H
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aubmqi
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{
"description": "getting a few pupils in my class a worse grading",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for getting a few pupils in my class a worse grading?
|
Hey AITA!
Back to friday a teacher gave gradings to all 21 pupils in my class.
It is a job school, so it differs a normal one, but okay here we go:
One year ago the teacher was ill, so we got tasks we had to write down and give it to her when she returned.
Back than not everybody gave the downwritten notes to the teacher, that we just recently got back.
On friday she did the math on the grades and added the grades from the oral grade and the final homework assignment together, but also included the downwritten tasks grade from over a year ago for the people who returned it to the teacher back than.
After me beeing upset and explaining, that everybody who turned the downwritten task in over a year ago got a worse grade than if they did not turn it in, she agreed on her mistake and told me, that she is gonna check on the people who were present on that day. if not they will get a 6 (or F ) for the task which also will affect 1/3 of their total grade.
So, AITA for getting everyone a worse grade?
​
Please tell me where I can correct my english for future people reading this, I know it is miserable.
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HISTORICAL
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9ws9em
|
{
"description": "Leaving School with no notice",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for Leaving School with no notice?
|
So a few years ago, I was a freshman/sophomore in highschool. I was going though a major depression and was having panic attacks weekly so I basically stopped going to school, and got into homeschooling.... however the principals of the school didn't tell me teachers what was happened to me and just took me off the roster. This made most of the teachers and my friends that I didn't know outside of school think that something bad/fatal had happened to me.
So basically I, for the most part was MIA to my teachers. One of these teachers is Mr. J. Mr J was one of, if not my favorite teachers in highschool. He teaches/teached Latin. Mr.J was always pressuring us to continue taking Latin until Latin IV, so the class would have enough students to actually have a real class. (Without me it would've been like 3 students I think?)
After I finished the year I vanished, I took a year off and came back for my junior year. Coincidentally, Mr. J was in the library where I was registering for school. Mr. J comes up to be a politely asks what happened to me a year ago. I told him my story and he asked if I would be continuing Latin. I said no and I apologized. He said it was good to know I wasn't dead.
Cut to my senior year, I kinda want to join the Ultimate Frisbee team but Mr.J is the coach. My best friend who used to be the best player on the team, is heavily pressuring me to join, and honestly, I want to.....but Mr.J is pretty icy, basically giving me the cold shoulder whenever I talk to him, responding as little as possible. I'm fairly certain I've offended him by not continuing Latin but honestly I have no idea. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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a0b6t8
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{
"description": "not turning off house lights",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for not turning off house lights?
|
My stepdad’s biggest pet peeve is when people leave lights on, and since I was a kid, I’ve been the worst offender. Now, I’m 24 years old, and I’m living with my parents for 6 weeks while I’m in-between leases.
I can’t honestly remember neglecting to turn off lights when I leave the room when I was a kid, but I’ll take my stepdad at his word and agree that I probably wasn’t good at it. Now that I’m adult, and I’ve grown up with my stepdad making comments about lights being left on, it’s something I’m extremely aware of especially at my parents’ house, so I always make an effort to turn them off.
Unfortunately though, I am not perfect, and I still leave lights on — never for an extended period of time but they’re still on. Now that I’m back at my parents’ house, I’m reminded that my stepdad’s comments about the lights are very annoying.
He never asks me to turn off the lights. Instead, he’ll turn them off and say something like “There’s a ghost in your room!” or “The ghost in ______’s room strikes again!” This happens about once a day, and each time I have to take a moment to recollect myself because it gets me so irritated. I feel that if my stepdad asked me to turn off the lights, then I would probably end up being better at turning off the lights because I would be forced to “clean up” after myself. Because my stepdad makes passive aggressive comments though, it just ends up making me resent him. The last time he made a comment I told him “Y’know, I think I might have gotten the best at turning off lights that I’m ever going to get, and all your comments do is make me dislike you.” Again, I feel like I’ve gotten a lot better at this admittedly bad habit, so not only do I feel these comments are unnecessarily condescending, but I also feel that they’re a mischaracterization of me.
My siblings and I all agree that his remarks are annoying, but when I’ve talked to my mom about it, she shrugs and just says “it’s his house.” My stepdad refuses to acknowledge that I’ve gotten better at turning off lights and side-eyes me whenever I mention that this bad habit isn’t so bad anymore. I understand that not turning off lights is wasteful, but they’re never on for such a long period of time that it could ever amount to anything wasteful, and I feel that it’s such a minor and unintentional transgression that if he doesn’t want to ask me to turn off the lights, then he shouldn’t make the passive aggressive “jokes.”
AITA for feeling that my stepdad should stop making passive comments about my bad habit of leaving lights on?
TL;DR: I forget to turn off lights in the house, which is my stepdad’s pet peeve, so he makes passive aggressive remarks at my expense.
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HISTORICAL
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b7c9y1
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{
"description": "giving people at my school beanboozled jelly beans",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
WIBTA if I give people at my school beanboozled jelly beans?
|
(Senior in High School BTW). For the past week, I've been carrying around a bag of jelly beans, with my friends and pretty much everyone I associate with all taking a few from me on a fairly regular basis. People have just assumed I have oddly developed a weird addiction to jelly beans, when in reality I just plan on switching them out for beanboozled jelly beans on April 1st. I got them today, and wow they are really nasty. Will I be the asshole if I go through with this, as these are actually pretty nasty? Or is this just a pretty funny prank? (For those not familiar: [https://www.amazon.com/Jelly-Belly-BeanBoozled-Flavors-Stinky/dp/B00EWTB8FQ/ref=sr\_1\_5?keywords=bad+jelly+beans&qid=1552926483&s=gateway&sr=8-5](https://www.amazon.com/Jelly-Belly-BeanBoozled-Flavors-Stinky/dp/B00EWTB8FQ/ref=sr_1_5?keywords=bad+jelly+beans&qid=1552926483&s=gateway&sr=8-5)).
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alexku
|
{
"description": "not respecting an elder woman because she disrespected me and called me a occupier",
"pronormative_score": 2,
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}
|
AITA for not respecting an elder woman because she disrespected me and called me a occupier
|
Im sorry about any grammatical errors because English isnt my first language
This story happened a few years ago so i dont remember it perfectly
EW - elder woman
Me - me
So i was at a bus station waiting for a bus and i had a hair cut like Connor McGregor. Like 3 braids which unite at the back of the head. An EW comes up to me and at first i didnt think much of it because she maybe wants to ask whats the time. She just stood there abd looked at me.
Me - hello, may i help you?
EW - whats that on your head?
I just stood there in confusion. I didnt know how to answer
I dont remember parts of the conversation so it'll be kinda straight forward.
EW - are you a boy, a girl or gay?
At this point i was kind of furious and i said -
Me - yeah im gay, you got a problem with that?
Im not gay. But its OK to be gay
EW - oh thats why you look so dumb. You know, our occupiers had a hair cut like that.
( Russia invaded my country and Stalin or any of his warriors didnt have a haircut even similar to me)
Me - ...
EW - Maybe i can help you fix it? *reaches in to touch my hair*
Me - no my mom made this haircut and it took her half an hour.
EW - so your mom supports occupants as well?
Me - ...
Me - may i help you get to an asylum?
EW - *rolls her eyes*
At this point i had enough and i simply walked to a tram. I was so furious yet so offended. I called my mom and told her what happened. She made me see the bright side of this incident and we both laughed.
Lady was kinda savage tho.
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HISTORICAL
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as3s3b
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{
"description": "not wanting to take care of my Sister's kids",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Not Wanting To Take Care Of My Sister's Kids?
|
So long story short I moved back to my home state to live with my sister and her family because my Dad has cancer. I moved here with my fiance (we are living in the guest room) under the premise to take care of my dad and take him to his hospital appointments. I gave up a 70k job in NYC to do this. My dad was typically the one to take care of the kids, (toddler and elementary school age) but obviously can't as effectively under his conditions. My sister and her husband go to work for most of the day as well as my fiance who just got a new job out here. This leaves me as a glorified babysitter, having to pick up, and drop off kids to school on top of taking care of my Dad and take him to his appointments. When I don't want to do it I feel like get a guilt trip. It feels like I got bait and switched to take care of the kids instead of my dad. It feels like my sacrifice is being taken a bit advantage of. I feel like I have no time for myself or any way to make a living as I'm trying to get a new gig out here. I basically ruined my career path I had going and my very comfortable lifestyle living on my own to move in with family and essentially have no job other than taking care of everyone. It's affecting my mood, psyche and relationships with everyone in the household. When everyone gets home I don't even want to congregate with everyone because when I do, everyone just brings up stuff that I have to do. When I bring up frustration about this the insinuation is that I am being selfish, lazy and I should just deal with "life". Am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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b9cuzf
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{
"description": "wanting some privacy in my room",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting some privacy in my room?
|
Mobile, but whatever.
I’m 18 years old and I still live in my parents house (I don’t pay rent but I’m still in high school so there isn’t anywhere for me to go).
Both of my parents barge into my room without knocking and my parents will also go through my stuff when I’m not home. (When I am home I tell them to get out because I don’t like them being in my room. I have a pretty estranged relationship).
Would I be the asshole if I put a lock on my door so they wouldn’t be able to get in anymore without my permission?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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aoyk8d
| null |
AITA for my lyrics?
|
I (M/17) wrote some lyrics about an ex of mine who cheated on me with my best friend and throughout the course of our relationship, told me that she loved me. After a few fights and patching things up, I still had some remaining anger so I wrote some lyrics to vent. These lyrics were angry and adapted for a Metal style, I will not be posting them as I need to protect myself and my art. I did not post the lyrics anywhere and didn't share them out to anyone. at a later date I was talking to a few friends of mine and her (my ex) name comes up in conversation. My friend (let's call her *Rose*) asked to read them, I then warned her that the lyrics were very angry and explicit. She and another friend of mine (let's call him Jim) read them [in person] Once she has, she labels them as sexist. After prior events two days go by, I do not speak to Rose and Jim asks me to send him the lyrics (I obviously decline). The third day during lunch break, Rose approaches me and tells me to stay away from my ex and informs me that my lyrics are "The kind of thing that ends me up on a fucking list." Rose and I had been friends for nearly two and a half years, and after this interaction she made it clear that she was no longer comfortable talking with me. Also she and Jim apparently informed my ex of the Lyrics existence. Keep in mind that she (my ex) and I had been working towards building a better friendship until Rose and Jim told her about this. Later that day Jim and I got in a brief fight after I questioned him about why he wanted the lyrics (He had planned to show them to my ex). Jim and I did eventually patch things up. But as for Rose she is no longer talking to me which I respect, but I worry that she may be slandering me behind my back. Now these lyrics were very personal, in asking some very close friends of mine who are women for their opinion, none of them find the lyrics sexist given the context of the situation. What I ask you here today, is this: Am I the asshole for these lyrics? they were never intended for anyone else's eyes, I only told Jim and Rose about them because they asked me directly and I thought that I could trust them. Should I hold true and stand my ground on this? Or should I apologize for my art?
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HISTORICAL
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b1bkko
| null |
AITA Girl in my class is rude to me when I ask her to quite down multiple times I tell her I don't like her am I the ass?
|
Hi so this is my first post since I have a very boring life and I suck at spelling
So back in October, my class switched seats and I was sat next to this girl I'm going to call A because her name starts with an A so we we're sitting in pairs and we're next to each other and Her friend I'm going to call E because her name starts with an E was right in front of her. They never stopped talking in class and I already have issues with focusing in class, so this made it next to impossible for we to do my work. I asked her multiple times a day to quite down and E and A would do one of 3 things 1) Just flat out ignore me 2) Just say No or 3) turn to look at me for a few seconds then go back to talking. we changed seats again in January and we we're sitting close to each other again. Luckily, she only has 2 friends E and another girl both of which were on the other side of the class so she was pretty quite except for when she would get butt hurt about other people... well she was kinda just butt hurt about them existing. One day, she had gotten into an argument with a guy I'm gonna call L. almost everyone was on L's side and she was making a fool of her self trying to get other people on her side. she tried to get me on her side and was just being an ass to me while trying to do so, so I decided to say, "If I haven't made it clear enough already A, I don't like you." most people around us laughed a bit (including my crush) and she was quite for the rest of my class. later on A was talking to my friend, B and she called me an ass. Am I the ass?
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|
aiybxa
|
{
"description": "wanting to sell me XBone because I don't use ot and have no games for it, even though my mom bought it for me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to sell me XBone because I don't use ot and have no games for it, even though my mom bought it for me?
|
I've barely ever used the damn thing, it was bought for me out of the blue and I never really intended on using it, I'm usually on my PC because a life without modding is one I shall never be chained to ever again. I feel like my mom would be none too pleased with my request to sell it, but it's just on my bed side table, I barely use it (less than a dozen times) and just have no use for it, I want money for something else, maybe another PS4 (I live in a divorced situation so I want a PS4 at my moms house so I can play the PS4 games I already have) or maybe some more games, I just don't see point in letting it devalue any further when I could actually get something out of it.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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|
adno92
|
{
"description": "not having time to hang out with my mate",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not having time to hang out with my mate?
|
I'm 19 and she's 20. I work and go to university full time she does neither of those things. We go out about once a month. I talk online every day. Here's a text conversation we had
https://m.imgur.com/GfPAuwJ
Then she posted these two images to Facebook
https://m.imgur.com/CTzf3zE
https://m.imgur.com/lFr2YvZ
After this I was annoyed at her but my mum said she was probably just lonely and doesn't have anyone so idk now I feel a little bad and am wondering AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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|
{
"description": "being angry at my parents for not rejecting me because of previous actions, despite me seeking help for my mental issues",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA For being angry at my parents for not rejecting me because of previous actions, despite me seeking help for my mental issues?
|
I have antisocial personality disorder. I lack the same morals as regular people, and in the past I have engaged in regressive behavior.
These are all facts that I accept and am now regularly receiving therapy for, which was first suggested by my parents. There has been serious conflict throughout my life with my parents about my behavior and sexual desires.
I have done everything they asked of me. I have moved out, I have an amazing career, I have my own apartment and my own car, as well as a girlfriend who satisfies my every need.
They still refuse to accept me back into the family as a full member. They don't do this directly but indirectly. I was not invited to either christmas or new years. My mother coddles my less successful siblings and showers them with affection and it enrages me.
Not to mention the fact that this rejection is sabotaging my therapy as I have had more regressive thoughts this past week than in the past 4 months. I am fuming. Since my father works in the same business circle as I do (different companies, same field) some fuck heads have been messaging me asking if I enjoyed my families new years celebration without knowing I wasn't there.
Despite all my faults I make more than my father did at my age, and have a life that puts both of my siblings to shame. My girlfriend is an immaculate beauty who is completely compatible with me. I have been more or less an obedient son my entire life. Especially in recent years since I went to therapy.
AITA for being angry that they are rejecting me, their only successful son? Despite me doing exactly what they asked?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
1cVrElNZF6Sy5nUBYmgHQJ4hSghs85Ut
|
azeugy
|
{
"description": "wanting my sister to pay the same amount for Mother's day presents",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for wanting my sister to pay the same amount for Mother's Day presents?
|
We're both 19 (twins) and students in university. I have a job but she doesn't. My mum (who's a single mum) has tried to help her get one because we don't have much money. She's kinda been looking for one but not really. Because it's mother's Day in a few weeks I want to save up some of my wages to get good gifts. I want my sister to pay half from her own savings. I told her I always do all of the housework and never ask her for anything so I'd like it but idk I also feel like the asshole because she can't really afford it being unemployed. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
O6Ws6bWEsAPMqVWXMAkOszh1x1GJXqjV
|
a52bsr
|
{
"description": "trying to cut my friend out",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to cut my friend out?
|
So this guy (I'll call him A) was a super close friend of mine as a kid, but as adults we've vastly grown apart. Since we left high school 4 years ago, we've literally only spent time together once, and only keep in touch on social media. We don't speak all that often and when we do speak, it's incredibly forced. We have nothing in common and it's just really awkward. I've also noticed an undertone of racism in some of what he says to me sometimes - I'm Muslim and South Asian, he's white. For example, after the Manchester arena terror attack he sent me some messages basically asking which side I was on, as if he thought it was possible I'd side with the terrorist. That's not the only low-key racist conversation but it's the worst one and the one I remember most clearly.
The other layer to this is that, A is just really not a great person, morally. He's got some kind of addiction to affairs I guess, in that he exclusively sleeps with/dates married people. He's ruined several marriages, including ones where kids were involved. His current girlfriend, who I'll call R, was married when they met. R's husband went away on a business trip, and when he came home all of his things were in boxes and A was living in his house. Since R owned the house, her husband couldn't argue and just had to leave.
In his affair with R, and in ones before it, he's always told me about it in such explicit detail, as if he's bragging that he can get married women. He mainly comes to me for validation. He tells me why he's justified in his affairs, and gets angry at me if I tell him I think he's wrong. Hearing about what he was doing to these people really affected me to be honest, cos it was just so immoral. One of his past "girlfriends" was the wife of his close friend, and their kids were his godchildren, and he would use babysitting the godchildren as an excuse to be in their home and sleep with his friends wife. The affair ruined that marriage and those little kids lives.
Anyway, the AITA part is: I'm just really tired of A. He's become someone I don't align with morally, and we really don't have that friendship connection anymore anyway. But he keeps pushing it. He's been talking about me meeting R for a while now, as if we're still really close and I *have* to meet his girlfriend. I feel awkward and don't want to flat out say no because that makes me feel rude, but I don't really feel like spending time with them considering what they did to R's husband. I really honestly don't get why he keeps forcing the friendship; it's blatantly obvious that we have nothing at all in common and aren't close anymore.
At the same time though, dropping him makes me feel bad. I went through some tough patches with mental health in high school and he was the only person who stuck by me, so I feel like I owe him some loyalty in our friendship.
In summary, we aren't really compatible friends, we're different people, and when we do speak he tells me about things that I just can't side with him on, but gets angry with me if I don't validate his shitty behaviour. If the world was perfect, I think we would just slowly drift into our separate lives. But he's adamantly keeping in touch and keeps trying to make plans with me. AITA if I turn all these plans down and dry-reply him til the friendship fades out?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
GYf13AD5vftMp8KXC60JqEHTbFgPg3XJ
|
ayttaz
|
{
"description": "making my partner drive me to work this weekend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for making my partner drive me to work this weekend?
|
Recently my car has broken down and I don’t have the money to get it fixed yet. My partner was unemployed until this week so they’ve been driving me to work, which is only a 5 minute drive from our house. However, earlier this week they started a new job (delivery driving). On Wednesday, which was my partner’s second day of work, I found out I am scheduled to work an event this weekend (Friday-Sunday) 45 minutes away from our house.
I texted my partner about it immediately and asked if they would be able to drive me. I told them I would prefer them to drive me so that I can work my scheduled shifts, but if they couldn’t I would work it out with my boss so that my hours would change and I could catch a ride with him. They told me that they would know their schedule by that night. I then told my boss that I would know by that night if I had a ride.
After work I asked my partner if they would be able to drive me. They said they hadn’t yet been given hours over the weekend. They also said that someone had asked if they could work on Sunday and they had avoided giving an answer because of the possibility of having to drive me. I said “I told [boss] that I would know by tonight if you could drive me, so he’s expecting an answer tonight. I’m going to tell him you can take me. Is that okay?” My partner agreed and so I told my boss.
This morning I was barely able to get my partner out of bed to drive me, and they expressed that they’re mad that they have to drive me 45 minutes away this weekend. They have not been asked to work, but they’re worried that if they are it’ll look bad for them to have to work around my schedule. My point of view is that I gave them ample time to back out, told them I had a backup plan, and they turned down an opportunity to work even though I told them it would be okay if they had to work. Because of these things, I’m irritated that they’re mad now. Am I wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
wW7rNEgX7bmotBrBbXWJjkHORWOqrB9Y
|
anea6l
|
{
"description": "wanting to quit my babysitting job",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to quit my babysitting job?
|
Alright so I decided to go ahead and post again, my life seems to have a lot of AITA moments. A little bit of info about myself; I am a 21 year old transguy who is still PRE-T, this will be important later on. Sorry in advance that this is a long one.
So back in the March of 2016, one of my older sisters who we will call K, offered me a job to babysit her kids/my nephews. Since I wasn’t exactly out of my shell yet and being the hermit I was, I accepted. The babysitting thing was part-time and $5 an hour was a pretty sweet deal while her husband worked and she was busy with college. There were two boys to babysit, T who was just a baby at this time and P who was a toddler still in diapers.
Fast forward to my sister’s graduation which took place in May that same year. Yes I know a couple months isn’t accurate for someone in college but she had been going a year or two before she asked me to be a babysitter. She just decided to use me instead of the other person towards the end, I now get why.
I had June and July to myself. No more babysitting, but still no pay. I never got paid on time and eventually they let it build up to where I was at $1000+. I would bring this fact up but get told each time by everyone ‘They are family, they will pay you’ and bull crap like that. August up to December I had to myself as well, she wanted to be a stay at home mom for the time being so she could spend time with her kids. I get that I guess, but once again I received NO pay.
A few days before Christmas, I dropped my Surface Tablet and it broke, I was in tears but thought to myself I would use my babysitting money to help replace it with something new. With it being an older model that isn’t even made anymore, I couldn’t repair it without really dipping into my pockets from this fancy repair place.
It was now August of 2017, and surprise surprise I still haven’t seen any money. My mom felt bad for me, she felt like I had waited far too long to get paid. She was right. Instead of waiting longer, I came forward and told K I wanted to be paid. She didn’t pay me and instead told me she would buy me a new tablet if I forgot about the rest of the money. I reluctantly accepted, only because I was so desperate to draw digitally again. In the end, my mom had to be the one to buy it because my sister wouldn’t. My mom never got that money she was owed.
Now let’s move to September of 2018. K decided that she wanted to start working and so she did. I don’t know why but I accepted the babysitting job and quit my real job without realizing the changes that came with babysitting. I wasn’t even a babysitter anymore, I was a god damn nanny.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my nephews dearly but my sister did everything wrong. Discipline is something they never did and still don’t. No spankings, the corner is a joke to the kids as well as time out. T is still a bit young, currently being almost two. P however is three. I start babysitting T at 8am while P attends a preschool until 3pm. Then I watch both until K gets off work at 4:30pm or sometimes 5:00pm. Here’s the layout of my setup or routine, which I don’t agree with at all.
Monday - Friday ; 8am - 4:30pm/5:00pm
Pay: 2$ an hour but they just give me $20 a day no matter what; even if I end up being woken up earlier than usual to watch them or I end up watching them later than 5
When P doesn’t have school, I get paid an extra $5 for him.
I brought up the fact I do not like this, and I gave up my real job for this. Here I am deadnamed, spit on, bitten, hit and just disrespected in general by the kids. I’ve tried teaching them something as simple as ‘Deadname isn’t my name anymore, it’s this now.’. They picked it up but my sister got annoyed and said how she doesn’t like me confusing them. I get criticized all of the time by my family on how I’m lucky to have this job and no real job will call me a different name and etc. I’m wanting to quit, and I technically did already.
My sister cried to me, saying that if I quit she’d have to quit her job cause they can’t afford it. With a heavy heart I took the job back but quitting is still on my mind. I feel conflicted. My mental health isn’t great here, and I’ve had days when the dreadful feeling is enough to stop me from eating. Overall, I’m not happy being here.
Also, I’m aware I don’t really have a say on claiming my sister K didn’t raise her kids right but I do still have an opinion.
I’m still stuck with this job.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
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