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{
"description": "making not allowing swearing on my Discord server",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Making Not Allowing Swearing on My Discord Server
|
AITA for making a rule on my discord server that says no swearing.
About a year ago I made a discord server for me and a few of my friends to talk. We kept it small cause we just wanted it to be that intial friend group. We let a few more people in as they were becoming part of the friend group, but the new people started adding their friends even though we said not to. As owner of the server, I ddint wanna be an asshole so I decided to let them in.
A few months pass and theres about 40 people in the server even though we started with 5. Some of the people are really toxic and swear all the time. I don't like swearing as my now divorced parents used to get into fights all the time and swear at eachother.
At first, I just asked them to tone it down a little, but they immediately started spamming swear words. I kicked one guy from the server. I didnt ban him, just kicked. He joined back and I made a rule of no swearing. They refused to obey the rules.
Still trying to be nice, I added a discord bot thqt deleted messages with swear words. That was a month ago.
Fast forward to yesterday and the guy I kicked, along with one other person are trying to make me take out the discord bot. I refused to take out the bot but wouldnt give a reason why. I know these people a little bit but I wouldnt tell them about my personal life. I only talked about my parents divorcing here cause i dont have to worry about anyone knowing me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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{
"description": "asking my friend to cover the cost of my hotel room",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my friend to cover the cost of my hotel room?
|
My friend Jesse and his fiancée Evelyn (not real names) are getting married in July and of course, me being a pro wedding photographer, they asked me to shoot the wedding — annoyingly assuming I’d do it for free, which I absolutely would, but I felt a bit sad that they didn’t value my work enough to even offer. Anyway, I said yes, but asked that they cover the cost of my accommodation for an extra night (as I’ll have to be up fairly early to do bridal prep shots and the wedding is a seven hour drive for me), which they said they would do. A few hours later I get a message from Jesse:
“Hey dude. This whole thing seems to be turning into a business arrangement and really you’re coming as a guest — we want you to have fun and we’re only asking for a few snaps and your food is already being covered. I don’t want you thinking we want loads of pics because we don’t.” I feel like the undertone was that they’re paying for food so they don’t expect to pay for the hotel/accommodation for the extra night.
I sent back a polite message detailing why taking wedding photos take so much work and pointing out that I don’t want them or me to feel bad after the fact because I wasn’t 100% on the ball and have heard nothing back and word on the grapevine is I’ve ruffled some feathers. I feel really hurt because a hotel room costs roughly $150 and clearly, they don’t even think my work is worth that much, which was a bit of a blow to my ego.
That being said, I feel like a $2,000 wedding photography package is a gift in itself and I shouldn’t have to fork out an extra night for a hotel room, but part of me is wondering if I should have just avoided saying anything at all. I feel really anxious and guilty about the whole thing, should I be?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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{
"description": "confronting my friends new friend who is trying to give him adderall",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for confronting my friends new friend who is trying to give him adderall.
|
so my friend(timmy) has known this guy(Richard head) for a few weeks, works with him and they became friends pretty quick. Both are really good gamers. So this richard-head is talking about selling adderall to gamers, but claims not to do it much, but within a week later he is talking about getting some and wants to give my friend some. Now, I've seen adderall do bad stuff to people... I was going to talk to my friend away from this kid, but I couldn't help myself and put him on the spot and started to question him .... if he really didn't take it much why do you have some coming so soon after you claim that..., I was sort of treating richard-head like a scummy drug dealer... insinuating that he's gonna give timmy the first one free then try to sell it to him... like a drug dealer. I don't want my friend taking adderall, because I know it can be really addictive and bad for you and seen it turn people into addicts. Am I the asshole for being aggressive with this kid and insinuating he's being shady instead of being more gentle with it? It got a little tense.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
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AUTHOR
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{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
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|
WRONG
|
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|
9yma3y
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{
"description": "asking a co-worker to stop chewing with their mouth open",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking a co-worker to stop chewing with their mouth open
|
I have worked with a coworker for almost a year at this point and whenever I have a lunch break with them they always chew awfully loud with their mouth open, Unfortunately during most mornings they would bring gum and the same situation would occur. I used to be able to block it out either with a TV show or Youtube video i was watching but it has gotten to the point that it was making me feel unwell while and after eating my lunch.
On this particular day during one lunch break i couldn't stand it anymore i asked if they could possibly not chew with their mouth open, i didn't explain my reasoning because i didn't think i needed to but they followed up with "why?"
I explained it made me uncomfortable and feeling unwell and i would appreciate if they stopped.
The following day i had a stern talking to from a higher up about insulting and bullying other employees, i accepted my fate and apologised to the employee but i feel i was not at wrong in this certain situation, Am i the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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|
OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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{
"description": "having my brother stay in a hotel while sick",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For having my brother stay in a hotel while sick?
|
Just found this sub, so thought I'd give it a shot.
My brother and his GF came to visit myself and my BF during their university's spring break. Brother's GF had never been to my city before, so they'd thought they'd come to visit. Great! First time we've had people stay with us (BF and I moved here in October 2018).
To preface, BF and my apartment is (barely) 1 room apartment that's approximately 650ish square feet. So really, not that big. Having 4 people in it was very tight (they've been sleeping on the couch)
Brother and his GF got here last Sunday night/early Monday.
The first day, Monday, brother was feeling fine. Then Monday night, BF and I noticed my brother was coughing a bit while sleeping and kind of 'moaning' (the painful, not feeling well kind)
Then Tuesday, brother he wakes up feeling pretty sick so brother and his GF decided to just spent ½ a day exploring. Brother had another terrible night on the couch and woke up today feeling even worse. Brother and BF decided to go to urgent care and my brother finds that he has the flu.
My BF and I talked and said that since our apartment is so small, and we really can't afford to get sick and miss work, that we'd just like my brother to stay in a hotel close by for the last 2 nights of his trip. BF and I thought this was very reasonable, since we didn't want to get sick. But also on my brother's side, so he can get a bed and not a couch.
All hell broke loose - my brother was NOT happy. He was not happy that he drove 8 hours to see BF and I and now he has to stay in a hotel; Not happy that he had to take all of his belongings to the hotel while he's sick, etc. (which I would have helped him with if he offered, but he said he didn't want to wait for me).
BF is saying that I am not being unreasonable and that I am doing the right thing, but deep down I still feel like a terrible sister... AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
afbkjn
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{
"description": "not wanting to go camping with my dying father and his new family",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go camping with my dying father and his new family.
|
This is a bit complicated, so please be patient. I had a very abusive childhood. My dad was a religious, violent and controlling man. He abused my mum my whole life, until she ran away when I was 14. My dad has hit me, locked me in my room, destroyed my belongings, and controlled almost every aspect of my life including what I could watch and listen to (only christian music), or who I could be friends with (he threatend friends he didn't like. I lost a lot of friends because of him). He did the same to my brothers. It has taken me YEARS of therapy to get to a place where I feel okay in the world. Up until a year ago, I hadn't spoken to my dad in three years and I was happy with that and moving on with my life. None of my 4 brothers speak to him either, but he has a new wife and two more kids and he seems pretty happy.
Last year my brother told me my dad had cancer. I went to see him in hospital because I got told he was dying. It was hard to see him like that, but he pulled through somehow and was sent home. I went to dinner a couple of times with him and his new family but found the whole experience too uncomfortable. Dad was always very charming and he kept the conversation light and happy, and he boasted about his new kids and how wonderful they were. He tried to hug me a lot. In the end I had to tell him that I couldn't see him anymore, that it was too painful and weird, and that I can't just get over the years of abuse and be his happy little quiet daughter.
He claims to not remember abusing me. He even called up my mum and asked her about it, and called up my brother complaining about me. They both told him he was abusive, and gave him examples. He claims that all of us children are spreading lies about him. It's really weird and sad. After he spoke to Mum and my brother he sent me a text saying he "apologises for everything" but it's so vague and I know that he doesn't even think he was abusive at all.
Now he just sends me messages, one every two weeks, saying he loves me and that I'm precious to him. And lately he's been trying to call me asking me to go camping with him and his new family. His wife sent me a text saying that he's crying all the time over me, and that he doesn't have long left. I just stand the thought of going camping with him. I can't stand seeing him be kind to his new kids, when he was such an asshole to us. And everyone is pressuring me to see him because he's dying but I can't bring myself to care about a man who didn't really ever care about me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b7055n
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{
"description": "not being honest with my (now ex) girlfriend about my military service",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 24
}
|
AITA for not being honest with my (now ex) girlfriend about my military service?
|
Throwaway because she uses reddit.
I recently broke up with a girl who I had been dating for a couple months. I was really into her and we had a pretty good relationship. However, as I found out soon after we started dating, she’s very, very anti-war. Like, hippie pacifist flower anti-war, almost. Before I knew this, I hadn’t talked to her about my service in the Marines, and I definitely wasn’t looking forward to discussing it.
I deployed to Iraq with 3rd Marines in 2004 and fought in Fallujah. Eventually, a month or two ago, we got to talking about what I was doing at that point in my life, and not wanting to cause conflict but also wanting to be truthful, I told her that I served in the Marines but never deployed. She was a little upset that I didn’t tell her that before but it was all fine and good. Just recently, she comes to me crying and demanding why I wasn’t truthful with her. Somehow, she got her hands on a copy of my DD 214 and found out about my overseas service. I told her that I would have told her eventually but she game me this spiel about how I should’ve been more truthful with her and that it was a really big deal. Apparently her sister told her that she “shouldn’t be in a relationship with a liar” so she broke up with me.
AITA for not telling her the truth?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
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|
aqnk88
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{
"description": "being mad at my mother(50s) for giving me an ultimatum",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for being mad at my(25F) mother(50s) for giving me an ultimatum?
|
To start, I'm not exactly sure what I want with this post. Maybe I just want to vent, I probably want advice.
I have been a squatter for the last 3 or 4 years. I'm from the Netherlands so it might be a bit more common here, I don't know. Anyhoo, last november we heard that we (me and my roommate) have to leave our house. Nothing much I can do about that, that is just how it is with squatting. You win some you lose some. All this time I was under the impression that if it was ever needed, I could stay with my mom, because she has said so.
I own two lovely cats, and for me it was implied that if I was to stay with my mom temporarily, I would take my cats with me. We are a package deal. However, since my moving out date has been closing in and so far I have no other options, she has been backtracking. She's been saying that she enjoys her house how it is, without pets. How clean it is now, and how little she has to do in terms of cleaning. I understand that, I love not having to clean.
So today I had a conversation with her, how it is very unlikely that I will find new housing within 4 weeks, and that my only option is to go stay with her with my cats until I find something else. That is when she said she doesn't want me to stay there if I bring my cats. My mother is not fond on animals in general (which I don't understand at all but whatever, you do you) and I can understand her not wanting animals in the house but for fucks sake, I am her daughter and I will be homeless in 4 weeks. I feel so rejected and I am so hurt and pissed, because to me it seems like she doesn't understand how much my cats mean to me. She straight up said that I would be welcome, if I dumped my cats somewhere else.
Of course this turned into a huge fight, and I'm wondering if I have been unreasonable... to me, me and my cats are a package deal, they are family. I feel rejected because she is my mother and I have always felt like I could count on her no matter what, and it now feels like she wants to help me only under certain conditions. I haven't spoken to her since because I know I shouldn't say things out of anger or sadness, and that's why I am coming to you Reddit. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
qVG3g1PtOG6i1lTjiXvtGHm2b20Q0rnO
|
b8ztai
|
{
"description": "selling things I buy from thrift stores",
"pronormative_score": 49,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for selling things I buy from thrift stores?
|
So I’m a thrifter. I go to Goodwills, Salvation Armys, thrift stores, etc. and I buy stuff from there to sell on my Ebay account. Not only is it a little hobby I enjoy, it also brings in some nice additional income and play money. Yesterday I was at a Goodwill I go to quite frequently. (Note: I try to keep the fact that I’m a thrifter a secret to the workers at the stores because I’ve had owners raise their prices on me once they knew I buy their items to sell.) I was walking around with a few nice Ralph Lauren shirts that are size 2XL that obviously were too big for me but I knew they would sell. A woman came up to me and asked if I was seriously going to buy the shirts for myself. I tried to give my usual coverup answer of “I’m buying them for a friend” or “for a family member.” She immediately called my bluff and called be out calling me a “flipper” and a “scalper.” I wasn’t going to lie to her twice so I did tell her I have a small Ebay store. That’s when she got angry. She started to make a scene saying how “I’m stealing clothes from the less fortunate and selling them solely to my own benefit” and “If I want to buy big name brands to sell, go to the mall and Macy’s.” The cashier/owner came over to see what all this woman’s hollering was all about and she told her all about how I’m trying to profit off of things that were donated and taking things from people who would have actually wanted to own the item yadda yadda yadda. The cashier looked over at me and after a second, she told me to give her the shirt and leave and I wasn’t allowed to shop at the store anymore and if I come back, they’d call the police. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 49,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
sTTANfPoSjyC8yDLjZCaVeIp9XvZKmSS
|
at8g7w
|
{
"description": "questioning if I want to be my friend's best man",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for questioning if I want to be my friend’s best man?
|
This guy has been my best friend ever since elementary school. We’re both 25 now, and ever since he met his fiancé in high school we’ve talked about me being his best man. I was honored at the time he told me I would be. I guess I would still call him my best friend since I haven’t made any closer friends than him, but we haven’t seen each other in almost 2 years.
He went to college, I didn’t. We had pretty similar tastes and lifestyles in high school but as time went on we just became totally different people. I’ve never been the type to give a shit about fancy things or tradition, where as he’s alll about the finer things and following tradition. He moved out of the Midwest to the East Coast and I stayed.
So their plan was the wedding will be close to our hometown. Now last night he tells me the bachelor party will be in NYC, and he wants me to fly out there in May for the bachelor party. I admit that I came off as not that receptive to it, and he got heated about it and said it seems like I don’t care about being his best man. He compared me to his fiancé’s maid of honor who has already planned the whole bachelorette trip out.
Truth is, I don’t care about the bachelor party. A lot of shit has changed in my life since he left. I don’t care about weddings, marriage certificates, diamond rings, or parties of any kind, much less bachelor parties with a bunch of guys I’ve never met.
I just bought a car, I’m trying to build credit, I’m working my ass off to get ahead. It’s 2019, life is hard. Anyway, I’d have to take vacation, buy a plane ticket to NYC, plan and partially fund a bachelor party he won’t internally groan at, and then come back home and buy a $300 linen suit he wants everyone to wear for the wedding. I can’t bring my girlfriend because I didn’t ask him about it soon enough so they’d have to uninvite someone.
I really love my friend. He’s a great guy with a good heart, and I know he’s head over heels for this girl. We just don’t relate anymore, even though that friendship chemistry will always be there. We aren’t the same anymore. So I want to know if I’m the asshole for being pissed at him. Am I being unreasonable?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
zx2kmSulgLopsHElAhaUNoNMTkjKkRtr
|
aq0bw7
|
{
"description": "wanting my so to take me out more",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my SO to take me out more
|
My SO and I regularly enjoy dinner dates, swimming dates ect but I have been footing the bill entirely for almost 3 months now as he spends his entire months pay in under a week everytime, he lives at home so pays very reasonable house keeping so he can afford it. Am I just being entitled as he can spend his money how we wants as he earned it, it just seems a little unfair as I do not live at home, earn less and do not have my family's support on bills or anything financial. I called him out on it and pretty much brushed me off, should I stop footing the bills for dates so we stop going on dates altogether so he notices if I'm not paying we don't go out?
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 9,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
b6okrv
|
{
"description": "buying a gun behind my moms back",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
WIBTA if I bought a gun behind my moms back?
|
My mom hates guns. She wants nothing do to with them. She doesn’t want me to buy I gun when I’m older, (not old enough to buy one yet), but it would make me feel safer in public. She has told me that I am being unreasonable and she goes around everyday without a gun and feels perfectly safe. That’s fine, but I’d like to have one just incase something happens. It’s better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it in my view. I feel if I do buy a gun when I get old enough my mom will resent me and it would cause tension between us.
So, Reddit, WIBTA in this situation?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
LYtEWAHxPBfI1xBPPljmvRWmEuWSq5mX
|
arcb9o
|
{
"description": "asking my girlfriend if we could always use protection",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my girlfriend if we could always use protection?
|
Today I brought something up to my girlfriend that I have wanted to talk about for a while. You see, about six months ago my girlfriend went off her birth control because of the unpleasant side effects for her. She has tried numerous methods over the years and none of them have really “fit” for her. I was totally cool with going back to the standard condom program and thought it was the best move for her/us too, so no worries. We leave it with, “let’s talk about this in a few months and see how it’s working”.
Now a brief note on our sex life - sorry.
See when we are in the passion of the moment, she always wants me to not actually wear a condom... She’s say, “let’s just do it without for a little bit” and after a while when I go to grab one she’ll tel me to just pull out. If I insist on getting one she is super bummed and it kinda kills the mood. The whole thing makes me really nervous.
Anyway, today the subject of birth control came up and I thought it would be a good time to follow up about her feelings towards birth control and if she wanted to keep off of it. She said she enjoyed not having to mess with her hormones and would rather stay off it. Great, I am stoked because I want her to do what’s right for her body and I told her as much. She said if we have an accident we could always use plan B and that she isn’t opposed to other measures either.
So I then bring up the condom situation and calmly tell her that it makes me really nervous. That I don’t think the pull out method is effective and that I need her support if we are gonna not have germinal birth control as a backup.
She responded to what I get was a heartfelt statement about my feelings with a simple “Ok”.
I asked her what she thought about it and she was super dismissive, just said a few times how she didn’t think it was necessary and that she didn’t think she could get pregnant anyway.
I just wanted to have a conversation about why she get this way and see if there was some middle ground solution we could arrive at but she was just shit down and wouldn’t talk about it. We were walking the dogs during all of this and she split off and said she needed some space and she’d see me back at come later. I took the long way back and she wasn’t here when I got back.
I’m I the asshole here??
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b26c7m
|
{
"description": "not visiting family",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not visiting family?
|
Ok, so this happened about four months ago, and it's still eating at me, and I'm just curious about other people's opinions.
I'm in university in the US. Our Thanksgiving break was Thanksgiving and the day after. I booked flight tickets in October to see my sister during break, since she lives on the other side of the US. My cousin called me from the UK (our home country) a week before Thanksgiving, wanting me to come back over my break to visit him. He's one of my best friends, and I hadn't seen him since June when I went back to the US for an internship (I had two weeks after classes ended in May to see family). He was also really sick at this point, though I didn't know how sick when he called.
I hadn't seen my sister since last Thanksgiving, and I had already booked the tickets and couldn't get a refund if I cancelled. Even though it was only £200 roundtrip, that was more than I could afford to lose as a broke student. I also looked at prices for flights home that week, and to make my schedule, the cheapest I could find was about £1300. Given all this (and again, not knowing how sick he was), I told him that I couldn't swing it, but I had two weeks between semesters, so I would come home then. He wasn't happy with this, and we didn't talk for like two days, but I think his wife or mum yelled at him because I was trying. He called me back and told me not to worry about coming over Christmas and to just save to come back over the summer.
During my finals, my cousin had two major health episodes, and was in hospice before the end of the year. Because I didn't get the tickets home during Thanksgiving, they were now about £1800, and I didn't have the money to cover it. He passed just after my semester started, and though his wife set up Skype so I could attend virtually, I still missed seeing him in his last few months.
He didn't tell me about his health declining so rapidly, and I was focusing more on my finals after he called the second time and said not to worry until the summer. I still feel like such an asshole, though. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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6KU35cumdvU4O1v8K8TXmVKyv9wRoorE
|
b11nt5
|
{
"description": "getting a dog",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 27
}
|
WIBTA if I get a dog?
|
I (22F) live with my boyfriend (24M). We're both on the lease for my current apartment. I have two cats, a hamster and a mouse. I have wanted to get a dog for years, ever since I had to put down my childhood dog. I think it will help with my anxiety and depression issues as well as just be a great addition to my life. With our current apartment we have a fenced in yard and what I think is enough space to add a medium sized dog. I take care of all the animals, since they are mine, and would do the same with the new dog. My boyfriend has had to feed the cats like once or twice mostly when I was out of town but otherwise does nothing for their care. I want to start looking for a dog to rescue and add to my family. He doesn't think we have enough space and doesn't want to live with a dog "yet". We're planning to stay in this apartment for a while, so I don't know why the space would be an issue now and not later. I asked what I could do to help him feel ready for a dog and he didn't have an answer. I'm currently working part time and in school full time with most of my classes being online. This means my schedule is flexible and I'm home most days, which seems perfect for introducing a new pup. I feel like he'll never be "ready" to live with, not even take care of, a dog and that since he won't have to do anything with the dog it shouldn't be that big of a deal to get one. So what do you guys think? WIBTA if I get a dog?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
mt87ahyaq0xX4WEGYYfn5c16y10hKJCK
|
ayf4ec
|
{
"description": "not letting my mother move in with me and my bf",
"pronormative_score": 42,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not letting my mother move in with me and my bf?
|
So, a little bit of background. My mother and my stepdad recently purchased a property in my city, where my mother plans on living in a tiny house. However, in addition to the tiny house, she would need a permanent address, as well as a place to do laundry, shower and store her things. Also, when it gets too cold in the winter she would live there. So, my parents have been looking for a suitable place (it ought to be ideally freshly renovated) for a really low price. So far they haven't had much luck.
Today my mother called me to make me an "offer". She wants to come to my place to shower and do laundry 3x a week and live here a maximum of 2 months per year. In exchange, she wants to give me her expensive new living room furniture and a new kitchen, (which are things she insits on having in my flat, even though I have a kitchen and furniture which I would have to throw out). Also, because my flat is not up to her standards, she wants to renovate it (put in new tiles, paint etc.). Now, we did not intend on renovating the flat and also don't need furniture, however in exchange for these things she would like to have my bf's current bedroom rent free for the first 9 months and then pay 50% at the beginning of next year.
Now, if my bf and I had intended to renovate the flat and needed new furniture this would be a great deal, but honestly living in a pile of rubble for months while they renovate my flat and then having my mother come live with us for two months in the winter just doesn't strike me as a good deal. My bf and I love living alone, since this is the first time we are able to live without additional roommates. Also our flat is quite small and my mother does not work, which means in the winter she might be here for two months constantly. She also wants to bring her cat, who is used to being outside 12 hours a day, and she can't go outside where we live.
I thought my parents would understand that the deal they were offering me just wasn't that good for me. Yes, the furniture is expensive but I don't need expensive furniture and I can live in this flat without fresh paint on the walls. However, when I told them no just now they said that they were "extremely disappointed", because they apparently thought I would jump at this offer. Now, I feel like I am being harsh telling them that I don't want to live with my mother, even if it is only two months a year tops. So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
BIvBe0mP7rBDGl0pIDPRUEfyT01ORjNb
|
a2jsfj
|
{
"description": "not wanting dogs in the bed",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA for not wanting dogs in the bed?
|
I've been seeing a girl for three months now; it's been getting serious for the last month (seeing each other multiple times a week, sleepovers at least once a week). She has two twenty-pound dogs who are kind of her babies... she's deeply attached to them, coddles them, brought them to the bar on our first date, etc. I also have a dog who I adore, so I'm sympathetic to her feelings about them.
Where I do not enjoy their presence, though, is in the bedroom. One of them in particular is deeply neurotic about us having sex and alternates between panicked attempts to get between us or panicked attempts to get out of the room. We've discussed some ways to fix this but she hasn't taken the initiative to actually solve the problem yet. Then, both of them sleep in the bed at night. The neurotic one spends a lot of time trying to get close to me to lick me, and the other one likes to lay right in between us, preventing any cuddling/spooning if I don't beat him to the spot right next to her. Because of them all sleepovers so far have been at her house so she can be there for them (I'm able to leave my dog with a friend some nights to be at her place).
I really like this girl and I respect that the dogs are really important to her. I've dealt with it up til now, but I'm starting to get frustrated with all this. Bed is a sacred space for me to relax and be comfortable (my dog is never allowed into mine), and the cuddling/touch/sex that happens there is one of the main "languages" that I feel loved in. AITA if I tell her we need to start having sleepovers at my house without her dogs if she can't keep hers out of her bed? And what if that's an okay compromise for now but not long-term? If we were ever to live together I think it would be a dealbreaker for me if she insisted on letting them in all the time. FWIW I would be okay with the dogs in the bed by invitation, but the majority of the time I want them out.
​
​
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
V1DZQUwTG4R9sfUZQbY5EDFFkvXyaWrI
|
b66ucw
|
{
"description": "taking my girlfriend's lasagna home when she said I could",
"pronormative_score": 35,
"contranormative_score": 840
}
|
AITA for taking my girlfriend's lasagna home when she said I could?
|
My girlfriend and I are both college students. She lives in an apartment on her own and I live with my parents.
​
On Sunday, my girlfriend made homemade lasagna for our date night. She made everything from scratch, including the noodles. It was really good so after we finished I asked if I could take lasagna home for my family to try. She said yes. When I left that night, I took the tray of lasagna with me. My girlfriend didn't walk me out so she didn't see me take the tray.
​
On Monday, I got a text from my girlfriend asking where her lasagna was. I told her I had taken it home for my family. She said "I thought you were going to take SOME... not the whole thing. I spent most of my food budget for the week on it with the intention to eat leftovers for the rest of the week. Now I don't know what I'm going to eat." I felt bad and apologized but pointed out that I had asked her if I could take it home and she didn't tell me that I couldn't take the whole tray. She said it should have been obvious that I shouldn't take the whole thing since the tray was so big. To be fair to her, it was a really big tray (my family of 5 only just finished the tray yesterday after eating it for dinner both nights) but I don't think the size of the tray makes it obvious that I shouldn't take it.
​
Monday night and last night, my girlfriend complained that she had to eat instant noodles for dinner so that she wouldn't blow her food budget. Today, she is asking me if I can buy her a sandwich since I took her leftovers for the week. It sucks that she spent her food budget on the lasagna but I think this is her fault for not being clear that I shouldn't take the whole thing. I don't think she is justified in asking me to buy her lunch because of it. She called me an asshole for not being willing to help her out. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
hJVid7jW5jX76rm0sMrzl5BrlePUfI8J
|
a35h6x
|
{
"description": "\"backtalking\" my mother",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for “backtalking” my mother?
|
I am 17 years old and I have a mother who always seems to blames me or my older brother almost everytime something goes wrong around the house, like yesterday me and my mother share a phone charger since my own charger broke last month and the charger we shared became faulty (I guess because it was being plugged back and forth between our phones in such a quick time) and when it was my turn to use the charger it wouldn’t charge my phone, and so I told my mother and she started blaming me for it, even though she was the last person to use it. I told her, that the charger likely stopped working because we were pulling it around too much but she blamed me anyways and when I would constantly explain to her what possibility happeneded she accused me of talking back to her and then started yelling at me dead in the night and told me to leave her room in which I did. Now I could’ve bought my own charger some days ago with my own money, but my mom wanted me to spend my OWN money on some fast food for both of us and I didn’t have much money either, and when I mention her paying me back for it she would guilt trip me. This is one of the millions of times that she has made a big fuss out of things that were beyond my control and when I would correct her about it and I’m ALWAYS right when I correct her, she would fuss at me and go for low blows that she knows that I’m sensitive about and that would kind of ampt me up a bit but I would cool down and walk away. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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RY75LWFgTW6UsP8A6siMrdxZ9IvJa0Qb
|
b2uauw
| null |
WIBTA? Someone is asking me uncomfortable questions and requests...
|
A friend of mine (Malaysian, I'm British) has asked me to help a friend with a project.
I've had no "introduction" to this friend, other than a quick hello, and now the friend (call then Fr) is asking me who I am, where I'm from, what I work as... Without introducing themselves or saying what the project is specifically about.
All I've been told is that it will be a series of recorded video calls for a project and I'm to "act in a Malaysian style" (I'm sure acting as another ethnicity is not a good idea), and they will coach me to do so.
I'm tempted to outright refuse (albeit politely), but WIBTA, or should I push for more information and refuse that last bit/advise they find a Malaysian actor?
I might be overreacting, so tell me if I am.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
ZGwRTOFM0zN67RTZxhG94ZjJjtg81ILs
|
al3az7
|
{
"description": "being angry that my roomate just bought a new puppy",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being angry that my roomate just bought a new puppy?
|
*disclosure* I DONT HATE PUPPIES
I live with 4 other people in an apartment and one of my roomates just got a new puppy.
The problem is, this roomate has 2 part time jobs (one being at a bar until 3am) and is also in school full time. This dog sits in her room crying and yelping night and day. Most of the time I cant get to sleep until 3am when my roomate comes home which is annoying when I have to wake up at 6am every morning for school myself.
I'm not the only one who's annoyed either. The 3 other people I live with are also fed up with it.
Not only is this dog affecting us, but its simply not fair to the puppy to be locked in a room alone all day. If you cant be around to take care of a baby, you shouldn't have a baby.
AITA for being angry and furthermore, AITA for refusing to take care of the dog while my roomate is gone? It's not my dog and I didnt want it in the first place.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
ZKT9gBMHkx1JgJuA3gXbstXN3V41mNyf
|
a9ajml
|
{
"description": "staying with my exhibitionist husband when I'm an asexual",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for staying with my exhibitionist husband when I'm an asexual?
|
Throwaway account because my husband is a redditor.
Probably should include a trigger warning for sexual acts and marital rape.
My husband and I have been together for almost four years, married for about a year and a half. I always thought I might be asexual (my parents used to think I might have been sexually abused as a really young child because of how sex repulsed I've always been). I didn't know for sure until I got married. Because I grew up in a Christian family, we never really explored that until after we said, "I do," and it was a little late to find out the extent of my asexuality once we were officially married and I was having a hard time getting into sex, wanting sex, or feeling like I was being raped because I wanted to keep my husband happy, but I didn't like to have sex.
In a lot of ways, I do think I've experienced marital rape. In small ways, like the fact that I used to say no a lot, and he'd proceed with, "Please, just let me." I took it because I thought that's what I was supposed to do. My husband is not a mean man. He's very very broken, not good socially, and I have to take responsibility for not being good at communicating with him what I like and don't like. I think that's partially because I have really bad anxiety and I go into shock when things I would rather not happen are happening to me.
So, recently, my husband came out and told me he'd been performing sexual acts on a chatterbox account for money. He said he started the account in September and hadn't done it again since November. Of course, this was the same night he told me he had quit his job without any notice because he was tired of dealing with assholes at work.
To my husband's credit, he's been working the night shift for seven months now. It's very difficult for us to see each other if he doesn't go to bed and get up at a decent time. Some days we will see each other for ten minutes total. I didn't want him to have this job, but it seemed like he wasn't interested in looking for a different one. So, he walked out of his job, then told me about the chatterbox account.
I've told him before how sorry I feel that we are so different sexually. I've told him that I wondered if I would be able to stay with him and let him explore other things sexually if it would keep him happy, but he said he didn't need that and wouldn't want to do that. I know, it sounds really stupid that I even brought this up as an option. But, I try very hard to be a wife that lets him make his own decisions and doesn't clutch to traditional marriage ideals so much that I can't be reasonable if he wants to do something I'm not immediately comfortable with. I really do feel bad that I can't be what he needs sexually, and if I was to just suck it up and have sex when he wanted it, he wouldn't like that either. He knows I don't enjoy it.
I told him last night when he broke the news to me that what he did was cheating. He said he didn't want to ask my permission because he knew I'd say no. I told him that was a pretty clear red flag that he shouldn't have done it. He disagreed with me that what he did was cheating. However, he made money off of masturbation, using toys, and who knows what else, received messages and solicitations from strangers off the internet, and used the excuse of, "I never want to be with anyone else but you, it was just for the money and the sexual release."
My aunt, who is the only other person that knows about this, suggested that I leave him. This, of course, isn't the only thing wrong with our relationship. We have a lot of problems right now, but I told her I couldn't imagine my life without him in it. It sucks, but he's my greatest friend. My only friend. Despite how this post may appear, he really is a creative, talented, kind individual with some really deep-seated issues.
AITA for wanting to stay with him even thought its miserable for me and possibly selfish for me to want to keep him to myself even though he isn't getting what he needs sexually? Thanks in advance.
​
TLDR; My husband has been performing sex acts for strangers on the internet without my knowledge or consent, and I can't help but feel it's because I'm asexual, and I should just let him go.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
SzNYReujNszfQ74VM8xGpL9KEDXNcVjx
|
az8z7o
|
{
"description": "not wanting to learn portuguese just because my girlfriend is brazilian",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for not wanting to learn Portuguese just because my girlfriend is Brazilian?
|
My girlfriend and I have been together for 3 years. She was born in Brazil and moved to Michigan with her parents when she was 10 years old. Obviously she is fluent in Portuguese. I have obviously picked up some words and phrases through out the relationship but I will admit that I haven't put that much effort to learn the language. In high school I was never good with Spanish and I am just not good with languages.
​
A year ago when we started getting more serious and started talking about marriage she started insisting I HAVE to learn Portuguese. She went on about how our kids will have to be bilingual and started trying to teach me but I didn't really have the patience and she got frustrated. For my birthday she got me a Rosetta Stone program and signed me up for Portuguese classes and said she would really appreciate it if I put in the effort to learn. To make her happy I said I would but after doing it a few times I got tired of it and dropped it. I told her this and obviously she was annoyed but let it go.
​
We recently got in a huge argument over this because we were panning a trip to Brazil in a few months and she just got mad that I can barely speak any Portuguese and that I won't be able to communicate with her family. I thought she was over reacting and obviously I'll try my best to communicate with her family but in the end I' not dating her family I'm dating her and both her and her parents can speak english. Honestly if she wanted her boyfriend to be able to speak Portuguese so badly why is she dating me? I just don't get it. She then started going on about how would we be able to raise our kids bilingual if I can't speak Portuguese and I said that she can speak to them in Portuguese and I can speak to them in English and it will be fine. She's still angry though and wants to cancel our trip to Brazil.
​
AITA here? Should I really be forced to learn an language when I'm bad with languages and I don't rally need to?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
cDt9vI0C1Cl8N4YCFyXlLB0BnjtdIO5K
|
b0t7lj
|
{
"description": "getting upset that my boyfriend insists on going spring breaking",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting upset that my boyfriend insists on going spring breaking
|
So my boyfriend (28m) insists on going to a notorious party resort during spring break weekend here in South West Florida. He is not a college kid and too old for this. He would be going with his single 35yr guy friend who is constantly creeping on ladies when they are out. His friend also loves starting shit with me when we are drunk so I refuse to hangout with him when drinking.
My boyfriend just had a week of drinking while a out of state friend was here and i also just got over a week long sickness so i was hoping that this weekend we could do something together. Am I the asshole for being pissed that he rather go hangout with drunk college kids for the weekend?
I do trust him but I just don't understand what would be so appealing about these types of things except drunk college girls and wet t shirt contests.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
a5p9gYyuFBSoKxTKENBas5eOd7fhuxAx
|
akgmre
|
{
"description": "being mad at my husband for telling our son not to listen to women",
"pronormative_score": 69,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA for being mad at my husband for telling our son not to listen to women??
|
I was/am outraged at what I heard my husband say to our 15 year old son about a week ago. Our son has started dating and he’s been coming to me for advice since his dad is on the road for work a lot. He was home last week when he was telling us about how he bungled things with the girl he was talking to.
I told him basically to move on and reinforced the advice I’d given him before about being respectful and polite.
As I left the room he asked his dad what he thought and his father said, “never listen to what women say. Just pay attention to what they do. Your mother will tell you things because she thinks they’ll work, but trust me, it’s better to just watch how they behave and change your behavior based on that.”
This struck me as being incredibly sexist and dismissive of not just what I said but if who I am as a woman. What about our daughters??? I feel like this was an awful thing to reach our son but my brothers and my dad all laughed it off and said he was right.
Am I overreacting or is my husband actually the sexist asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 45,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
cpH4YrKHQFU7vIrBjL5fCeEBfLksMk3F
|
aitzwo
|
{
"description": "telling my parents that my brother is buying and smoking weed",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
WIBTA If I told my parents that my brother is buying and smoking weed.
|
So for context, I live in an area where although marijuana is illegal, it's not strictly enforced. The police normally just take the weed and be on their way. He's approaching 18 years of age.
He does it consistently every day, comes back late and high when my parents are asleep and I'm just going to bed. I wouldn't normally care, he's got a job and he can do whatever he wants, but a couple of things have changed.
One : He's getting quite a bit into debt with my parents, they've lent him money for a new car after he crashed his old one, he has a crap ton of insurance to pay, and has racked up about 10-12 parking tickets (that I know of), that he refuses to pay.
Two : He's driving constantly while high. I've heard it's not as bad as drink driving, but given that he drives badly anyway it's slightly worrying.
Would I be the asshole for snitching? I generally don't feel comfortable with the idea, but I think my parents have a right to know if they're helping finance him. I did tell him I wouldn't tell our parents when I first asked him about it, but have since regretted saying that.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
56lilUCsyuqFTDX9LkxRu9In9jI7HzfL
|
afdyvi
|
{
"description": "not giving in to my ex-GF",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving in to my ex-GF
|
A little back story.
My now EX-GF and I were together for 4 years, she had a kid with another man prior to us meeting. She was 4 at the time we met(ex’s kid, not my ex) She never really knew her dad. Being the only father figure in her life I tried to be a decent person even after the breakup to hopefully prevent her being exposed to any of the issues.
We lived together for the last 3 years of our relationship and thus we were suppose to share the responsibilities of the financial obligations. However she ended up moving from full time work in a hospital where she made good money to weekend shifts at a retail store and going back to school full time. At the time of her decision to go back to school we agreed that with the money she would make from work and the money I currently made. I would pay all of the bills and she would use her money to supplement those bills as she could. We also agreed that when she returned to work after school, which was only a 14 month program that she would resume paying those bills and I would be able to go to school for an upgraded license for my industry.
Skip to the last year of our relationship. At some point in time she came across $4000, and decided to give me all of it to help pay the bills that I had been struggling with for the last 12 months. (Part of the precious arrangement was me working additional hours to cover the added expenses) The deal was that I would give her $1000 back when she finished because she had a few things she wanted to do with that extra cash. I agreed to this and told her that it wouldn’t be possible until she finished and we were both earning again.
Skip to a nasty ending to the relationship. She cheated, and after discussing the relationship issues caused from that. I broke up with her, helped her move and removed her from our rentals lease. I also gave her immediately the $1000 we agreed on back, from my savings.
Currently, over 3 months after all of the break up. She calls me asking me I’m returning ALL of the money that she “let me barrow”. Being confused I asked what she meant and she basically played silly, and decided to pretend that she never agreed to these arrangements and that she wants it all back. I asked her why she thought that playing a game about how she “didn’t remember” and “would have never done that, because she would regret it”. She then hung up and texted me saying that I would hear from her attorney.
Now I’m not stressed about the attorney because I have a chat log where we briefly discussed this during the break up. It clearly shows her initiating the conversation and asking if she was still going to get the money I agreed to return. In that conversation she says that “I know you don’t have the 1000 right now, but I will eventually need it.” I think that’s enough to disregard the fact that she didn’t know about what we had agreed on.
So really I’m just wondering if I’m the asshole for not wanting to return the additional money because I paid for everything up until the end, beside that money. I am financially better off than she is, and I could afford to give it to her, which she is using against me saying that I’m basically stealing from her daughter by not giving it back. Her saying that has made me feel like a complete ass hole for not giving it to her, and I am honestly very conflicted about this situation now. So now I’m here.
I left out some of the context to try to prevent a bias towards her or I for anything outside of this specific situation but will provide the rest if this isn’t clear enough.
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HISTORICAL
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EaOhZ3ZOv34llu48LqksR3EtTXpVH3Si
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ah2djw
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{
"description": "dumping my cat on my girlfriend's sister",
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|
AITA for dumping my cat on my girlfriend's sister?
|
Before we get into it, here's a quick summary of the events leading up to this. My girlfriend and I were living with her grandmother because she needed people around to help her with general living and we were looking for a place to move into together. There with us was our cat, Turnip.
Her grandmother decided to move to a full assisted living facility after being diagnosed with dementia. As such, my girlfriend and I had to move out. We were able to rent the downstairs of my aunt and uncle's place while we looked for something more permanent. We, of course, also brought Turnip with us. A few weeks after that, I had decided to go back to school for EMT training. I ended up failing the class but wanted to try again. Unfortunately, I had used all my savings already as I couldn't work full time and keep my grades up.
Luckily for me, my parents are very generous and offered to have my girlfriend and I stay with them while I attended school again. The down side was that my parents had 3 dogs, one of which had killed my mom's cat not too long before we moved in. Because of this, we asked my girlfriend's sister if she would take Turnip until I finished school and found our own place, at which time we would take Turnip back. I estimated this to take 4-6 months (3 for school then 1-3 to find a job and a place to live). However, before we moved out of my girlfriend's grandma's Turnip had stopped eating. We took him to the vet and they said it's either IBS or cancer. In either case, they gave us a steroid to help him start eating again.
If it was IBS, he would just need to take the steroid for the rest of his life. If it was cancer, the medication would eventually stop working and he would starve unless we put him down. He was given 6-9 months in that instance. My girlfriend's sister took him 5 months after that.
Turnip's current living situation is being confined to my girlfriend's sister's room at all times. She already had 2 other male cats, and Turnip was also a male. He didn't have any experience with other cats and they tried to integrate him in but he and the alpha of the other two did nothing but fight and piss all over everything. So the decision was made to keep them separate. Another thing of note, is that ever since he was born, Turnip hasn't been very nice. If you try to pet him he will most likely try to scratch you. Heck, even if you stand next to him he might take a swing. He's been this way since he was a kitten and he's only ever liked one person, a friend of the grandmother.
It's been almost a year since his diagnosis and he seems to be doing fine. I decided not to go back to school (which I would have started this month) and am looking for work. We still intend on taking Turnip back when we find a place to live. However, my girlfriend's sister is now demanding we take him back because she doesn't want to deal with him anymore. We've explained why we can't but she still demands I convince my parents to let us take him. Nobody in my family thinks it's a good idea. Neither I nor my girlfriend do either. She insists we can just keep him confined in our room at my parent's and it won't be an issue. I think that, unlike her other cats, my parent's dogs (one of which is specifically bred to hunt wild boars) will just leave it alone.
I also don't think it's fair she ask this of us when she agreed to keep him for what would have been a longer period (had I attended school it would have been at least another 3 months before I found a job). I think she was counting on him dying after a few months and realized he's not going to and is trying to make us take him back.
So what do you think? AITA?
tl;dr girlfriend's sister agreed to watch cat until we got our own place, she is now trying to make us take him back even though he could easily be killed
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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g4wYjYOhVuvdSAv7vbeyalsyhIGMB7w1
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aukpg2
|
{
"description": "cancelling on a competition I can't attend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA if I cancelled on a competition I can't attend?
|
On mobile, yadda yadda yadda, all that jazz
Context: I love badminton and my soon-to-be team leader knows this and thus, I'm in our school's badminton team and when it was tryouts for the team this year, the only sophomores who were able to get into the team were me (I was in the team last year) and this other guy let's just call Kevin (he got kicked off the team last year because he flaked on a competition because he was sick but he didn't give us a warning). When there are competitons and team practices, we both go but he doesn't go as much as I do. Our team captain says that there is a competition that is on March 9 and I say I join but I didn't sign a form yet because I didn't have one.
So fast forward to, like 5 minutes ago. I just told my dad about the competition because I thought he knew (he's friends with the coach who works at the place where the competition will take place) and he told me that we're going to another city during March 9 because of his Alumni Homecoming. I was like "Ok, let me just tell my team that I won't be able to go then." I go to our group chat and I say "Eyyy, I can't go to the competition because my family and I are going somewhere." So then my supposed-to-be partner texted the group that Kevin and him will be partners instead but Kevin ain't replying (he didn't see it yet too). The soon-to-be leader then texted the group "He joined the team but he doesn't join the competitions. Sorry but this is really irritating me." So then I text "Sorryyyyy but they just told me like 2 minutes ago". She then texted me personally and not the group "it's not you". And then she proceeded to leave our group chat. I don't know if she was actually reffering to me but just said that she didn't or if she was reffering to Kevin instead.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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DZew5kYpcAqhe98QqY8ymmXEO1cvhum3
|
b63x6b
|
{
"description": "wanting my stay at home wife to do more",
"pronormative_score": 171,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for wanting my stay at home wife to do more
|
Background, my wife & I move recently due to my work. She quit her job before we left because she didn't really enjoy it & she wanted to go back to school. We have 2 kids, 1 in Kindergarten & the other 1.5 years old that is not in daycare, mainly due to daycare being more expensive then we would like, to the point it would take the majority of the money she would make if she went to work here.
She has had, & still has, issues with depression. She is in counseling, she doesn't want to take meds at all though. She gets in funks sometimes where nothing is right & she is just unhappy with everything. I understand all of that & do what I can to give her breaks from our 1 year old & let her do things that will boost her mood. That being said she doesn't do shit at home. I cook all the food, I do all the dishes & laundry, I go to bed later than she does & wake up about 1.5-2 hours before her to get ready for work, wake up my daughter to have breakfast & get ready for school, get my 1 year old up to get him changed, feed him, & have him ready to go in the morning so that she just has to get up have my daughter brush her teeth & get in the car to take them to school. I will text her to remind her to do stuff during the day & when I get home they aren't done. If we are at home together & I ask her to do something small like sort the clothes so i can get them washed. Her excuse is always "ok, i will do it in a little bit." That turns into a whole day & when I get up Saturday morning & it isn't done I sort the clothes & get them started in the wash because we all need clean clothes for the next week. I recall one time not too long ago, i washed & folded our 1 year olds clothes & had them in a basket in the living room. I asked my wife if she could put them away. Literally a week later (Sunday to Sunday) the basket of clothes was still sitting in the living room righ beside her spot on the couch.
My job isn't too straining, but I am taking online classes so that I can better my career, I need to be working out but it seems like my energy is zapped because I get \~4-5 hours of sleep a night, interrupted by my 1 year old waking up & I take care of him when that happens. I am energetic when I get off of work & walk home but then i have to pick up around the house, cook dinner, get my daughter taken care of as far as a shower & ready for the next day of school, feed my son & get him bathed as well, & I want to work out but I just want to sit down &/or play with the kids after my day is done when I should go for a run or do something. I don't really care about "me time" honestly, but I really feel like I am geting out of shape & I want to get better.
Am I The Asshole for wanting help around the house since she is at home all day & I can't keep this up forever. I have literally told her I feel like I might die young at 40 because I am stressed about a lot of shit & not taking care of myself because I don't have time.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
wq0gGTtnLgcmsNB4ny50TKuqyMRtaSnt
|
azl22l
|
{
"description": "going back on my word to dorm with this girl for our freshman year at college",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for going back on my word to dorm with this girl for our freshman year at college?
|
So, I got accepted EA to my top college, I was super excited and I immediately joined the groupme, Snapchat, ZeeMee, and Instagram groups that were available for the class of 2023.
I met Gemma in our Snapchat group chat and we clicked super well, we talked nonstop for days and we decided to be roommates, we made it official when we turned in our housing requests and all was well, Gemma had told me she had aspergers but I didn’t care, I’m used to it, I’ve got a bit of the ‘tism myself, diagnosed at 3, I couldn’t judge.
A few days ago she told me that she didn’t just have aspergers, she self diagnosed herself with it to make her seem better to me. What she has is Schizophrenia and OCD and she told me that she didn’t plan on staying on medication while in college because it would stifle her art and that she would be just fine if I helped her.
When she told me this, I didn’t reply to her for a few days and took time to think, I decided that she’d hidden a big secret from me and that I didn’t want to be her caretaker, if she decided to be unmediated, that was something she could do without my help or my approval. I told her this in those exact words and called the housing office and got a different friend, Mei, as my roommate.
Afterwards, Gemma blew up in the group and told me that I was being ableist and discriminatory against her and that she’d take medicine if we could live together and how I’d promised to be her roommate. Now I’m feeling like I should call and tell the housing office that I wouldn’t mind having her as a roommate, I’ve never been in a situation like this and surely it wouldn’t hurt to give her a chance?
AITA in this situation? WIBTA if I continued refusing to room with her again?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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fWYDqhGeEW1I0kwfAb9gFyN2VGG91Bcu
|
aenrhg
|
{
"description": "refusing to be \"just friends\" with girls",
"pronormative_score": 5,
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|
AITA for refusing to be "just friends" with girls?
|
So I'm a 19yo man who refuses to be just friends with girls. If there isnt a chance for a hookup/romance I generaly stop talking to them as a rule off thumb. If I get rejected or worse I usually end up blocking the girl/woman in question, and move on. Anyway , my sister found out aboutt his from a mutual friend, and shes pissed at me. She thinks I devalue women by doing this, and that Im closed minded and manipulative.
It got pretty heated, but it got me wondering. Am I the asshole for refusing to asocciate with girls unless they are up for sex/dating? Ive always thought of it as self preservation and just saving everyones time tbh. Whats Reddits take on this? Is it wrong that I block girls that arent sexually interested? Am I devaluing women?
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
SjOvnhIqDZqft29uPnfAUAbgSjiWY2pH
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aq2aiq
|
{
"description": "wanting to cut my friend out of my life for not coming to my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for wanting to cut my friend out of my life for not coming to my wedding?
|
So I've been best of friends with a girl I met a few years ago, before I started dating my now fiance, we'll call her Marta. She's been stanning our relationship since day one. Has basically been saying she's going to be my bridesmaid if we ever get married.
Over the years she's become one of my closest friends and I'd do anything for her and she seemed to feel the same way. She's also kind of a flake due to some severe social anxiety, but mostly, has been there for me and has really cared for me.
December, my boyfriend proposed to me and she couldn't be more happy about it. Her dreams come true, she totally knows she's gonna be my bridesmaid. We set the date for May 16, 2020 and she's known for weeks.
I officially ask her to be my bridesmaid last week, card and gift and all.. she's thrilled! Next day I get the text that she didn't put 2 and 2 together.. she's booked for May 16, 2020. Her friend from growing up owns a dance studio and she does the photography/lighting for this three day dance recital. No one else can do this job. She's not getting paid for this, it's totally volunteer, and it's 15 months from now. She's not even trying to find a replacement. She's flaked.
I feel like she's choosing a volunteer position over my wedding. She has said that dance is a big part of her life and it's really important to her. She says I should be more understanding. I can't see myself staying friends with her after this. AITA for cutting her out?
tl;dr my best friend has a volunteer commitment 1.5 years in advance and is choosing that over being a bridesmaid in my wedding.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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Cqg8yNuN6bErR1eVTg6EkNYVJdiAYHP6
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9u5ypr
|
{
"description": "rejecting my sister",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for rejecting my sister?
|
Okay, this is complicated, and I've been getting mixed responses from the friends I've shared with, so I think I need a neutral set of eyes to look at the situation. I'll try to keep this brief, but knowing me it'll be a novel, so be prepared.
Here's the backstory - my sister is 17 now, and I'm 26 (almost). Because of our age difference I helped to raise her in some ways, and as kids we often spent time together. And I swear, I've never loved anyone more than I loved my sister. To say that for most of her life she's been my entire world would be an understatement. She was my everything, we influenced each other a lot when she was younger. She got a great sense of humor thanks to me (a trait the two of us share but neither of our parents does), as well as a love for videogames, anime and other nerdy stuff. Some of my best memories were spent with her, playing games side by side, or her watching me play through something that's too difficult for her, or me helping her beat her first game.
And then she entered high school (this was a few years ago, when she was 13), and things changed. She suddenly matured a lot, both in terms of her personality and body. She started getting interested in make-up, fancy shampoos and clothes, which I (despite being female) never quite cared about, these things have always been a means to an end rather than something to obsess about. She got her own group of friends her age for the first time (she's often had 1-2 close friends but has never been part of a group). Eventually she found a boyfriend too. And you know what? That's fantastic and perfectly normal. I was a loser in high school, the weird kid everyone bullied and made fun of, but she's a popular girl, a cheerleader and overall highly social. Which is great, and I genuinely could not be happier that she's having fun in school.
The problems started to emerge when her personality shift suddenly made me second fiddle. Obviously our relationship could never be the same as it used to be, she's a teenager and I'm in my 20s, with a job, I get that we wouldn't be able to spend too much time together. But we barely spent *any* time together at all. Every evening she brought along her group of friends to girly scream all night, which sucked considering the fact that I was trying to sleep. Requests to do this less often were rebuffed by both her and my mother (who considers me the disappointment of the family and is beyond happy my sister is turning out so different from me). This ultimately led to me moving out.
After that, whenever I tried to initiate contact with her I'd usually be rebuffed. Half the time whenever I said hi to her on Messenger she'd leave me hanging on "seen", and when I asked her about it she used the excuse of "Oh, the messages are not showing up for me" (bullshit). Whenever I asked to hang out, either at my place to play something or watch a movie, or maybe hang out at the mall or go for coffee (I try to meet her halfway, interest-wise) she'd say yes, and then when a day before the date or sometimes on the date itself she'd message me saying she's made plans with a friend of hers and won't be coming. I'd invite the family to dinner at my place, and last-minute I'd get a call from my mother telling me my sister doesn't feel like coming.
Gradually we lost touch. The first time this happened we didn't speak for about a year, and us getting back in touch was mostly orchestrated by my mother. She was overjoyed to have me back in her life, and I was too, and for a while things were great! This lasted maybe a month, maybe two tops, and then she was back to her old self again, and the same thing happened, we stopped speaking. And that brings us to our current situation. A few months ago she messages me out of the blue and is like "Let's hang out", so I say sure, why not, olive branch and stuff. We hang out, it's super fun, and she off-handedly mentions that her boyfriend has a D&D group that he refuses to let her into, and she'd really like to play. I say "Don't worry, I've ran D&D games too, I'll invite a few friends over and we can play."
I organize everything, invite her, her boyfriend and three of my own friends to play, and it was without a doubt the worst D&D session I've ever had in my life, mostly because of her. Her character was completely wrong for the setting (she wanted to play Connor from "Detroit" in a fantasy setting), she had almost no usable skills, and despite the fact that a few days prior we went over this and told her to make a paladin with certain skills, even going over the character backstory together, she listened to none of that. Halfway through she completely refused to participate at all, just sat quietly on her phone while the rest of us played. Surprise-surprise, after the fact she whined to her boyfriend about how "left out" she felt, and he happily invited her into his own D&D group. The three friends and I planned to continue playing, and I invited the boyfriend over with us since he seemed to have fun, but he said my sister told him he wouldn't be a real man by her if he went. So he refused. And it's really hard for me not to see this whole thing, with her suddenly getting back into touch, as a plan for her to get what she wanted and couldn't have, namely a place on her boyfriend's group.
I'm thoroughly disgusted by her behavior in front of my friends and cut contact, and she doesn't try to contact me either (I haven't blocked her anywhere but neither of us write). Very recently I happened to adopt a kitten, the sweetest, most lovable snugglebug in the whole world. My mother came over and fell in love with her, and she regularly comes by to play with her while I'm at work. This week she took my sister along with her, and apparently my sister really loved the kitten. Right as rain, today I get a call from my sister out of the blue saying how sorry she is for the D&D and asking to come hang out. And I wasn't mean, I wasn't rude, but I honestly explained that we're not really friends anymore, we've grown too far apart, and this has been working out for me. It's amazing to not have someone who treats you like you're nothing most of the time, it really is. And she said "Okay, I'm sorry" and burst into tears.
And now I feel like an absolute ass. Because on one hand maybe she contacted me out of the blue, like before, to get something she wants - namely time to spend with the kitten. After all why contact me now, of all times? She had plenty of time before. Not to mention even if her intentions are 100% unrelated to the kitten, what's my guarantee that she won't start treating me like dirt in 2-3 weeks? After all this behavior is nothing new, she's been doing it for years, and I doubt she's matured enough in just a few months. But on the other, what if this was a genuine attempt for her to try and change our relationship for the better? What if she truly wanted to turn over a new leaf and I shut her down? I'd love to have her as a friend, I really would, but only if she was willing to put in the work to be my friend rather than making me do it all. If she's planning to go back to her old tricks, or just uses me as an excuse to come pet my cat, then I don't really need her in my life.
I don't know her intentions and this is really the source of my conflict. Should I have given her yet another shot hoping she'd matured and learned from her mistakes? Am I the asshole for rejecting her?
|
HISTORICAL
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v3P0dX0wKNNdIojDFJ9ymFjS8DDTq3Te
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aw9ww9
|
{
"description": "telling my friend that her friend is stupid",
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|
AITA for telling my friend that her friend is stupid
|
Ok so today i was at the library with my friend, and her other friend (let’s call her Kate) and it’s the first time i ever meet Kate.
Everything was cool we made introductions but, they seemed to be stuck on a project that’s due tomorrow and both of their phones are out of credit (in my country there’s this thing called credit, you use it to make calls)
I offered Kate to make a call so she can call another friend and get help for their project, and to be extra nice (i care too much about first impressions) i told her to use my phone, then went back to my desk. Few minutes later she’s gone.. with my phone.
Half an hour later my friend arrived and i asked her where the hell Kate is she told me she left.
We searched the whole library for my phone then we found it by my friends laptop..
Out of frustration that I might’ve lost my phone, i spat “is your friend stupid???” A few times
My friend was taken aback and was just like whoa chill and she was upset, Kate should’ve gave me my phone back in person, or at least put it on MY DESK, which was right in front of her.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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KspnrTj9sjVdHQBYmYYVVpTOcF9FC1uh
|
adgskh
|
{
"description": "not mopping a mess I made",
"pronormative_score": 1,
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}
|
AITA for not mopping a mess I made?
|
I went into the laundry room, opened the washing machine, put my dirty clothes in and some washing powder, then turned it on and left.
My flat mate yells something a few minutes later so I go to see what's happening. She's in the laundry room and theirs water all over the floor.
"The basin leaked all over the floor. You'll have to mop."
"How did the basin leak?"
"I did some hand washing and took the cable out of basin."
"Wait, you didn't put the cable back in the basin so I have to mop?"
"Well, yeah because you made the mess."
"No, you caused this. I didn't even know that cable existed. You didn't replace it when you finished your hand washing so this is on you."
So, AITA for not mopping?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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vGUm0NZfqBFaH7hJwwnAJkDBgvxgseBK
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amn7l2
|
{
"description": "this dumb thing that happened in third grade but I think about it a lot",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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|
AITA for this dumb thing that happened in third grade but i think about it a lot
|
prepare to pass judgement on a seven year old.
i was a girl back then. i had three friends that where boys. we where tight (though we very much went separate ways once we became teens) we had bonded over our love for pretending to be dragons at recess.
Our school was having a dance. this was the first year that i was old enough to go and i was very excited, everyone was, we didn't know that school dances sucked yet. I went home and gave my mom the hand out some dumb teacher made in word in like two seconds and begged her to go. she said that more than likely we would be going to my aunts that day, so probably not (remember that probably for later).
I came to school the next day. it was raining so indoor recess. We couldn't play our dragon game inside very well, so the boys went to play some other game while I was playing blocks with another friend.
Suddenly one of the boys comes up, we will call him Runny Nose, for reasons you can probably figure out, and asks "hey do you wanna go to the dance with me" well, mom said i probably cannot go to dance, and your saposed to want to kiss the boys you go to dances with. I did not want to kiss Runny Nose, so I said "no, we are probably going to my aunts so I cannot go". He goes away.
A little later boy 2, lets call him Tantrum, comes up and asks if i want to go to the dance. Tantrum, well he had a lot of Tantrums and while he is fun at recess hes actually pretty scary sometimes (later in life he does go to juvie multiple times). I also tell him "my parents say we are probably going to my aunts that day". He goes away.
I shit you not boy three, Ginger comes up. Ginger asks me to the dance. I like ginger. He is quiet, smart, nice, seven year old me thought he was kinda cute, and he takes his dragons very seriously. His dad is part of a secret organization that catches real life dragons and studies them. Sometimes he gets to go to work with him. Looking back now I see some flaws in these claims. I actually kinda want to go to the dance with him. My mom did say we may not go to my aunts.... so I tell him "maybe".
The next day during lunch there is a fist fight, to my suprise it was my three friends. what could they be fighting about? They are taken upstairs. I ask my other friends if i can play tag with her group since it looks like there will be no dragons today. Half way through recess I am called inside. I was a good kid so i was very nervous and confused. They bring me to the classroom where my three friends sit. The teacher asks the boys why they fought. Runny Nose says "because we asked them to the dance and they said no to us, but yes to \[Ginger\]".
I didn't get in trouble or anything. Looking back im pretty sure the teacher thought the whole thing was adorable. Honestly i don't really remember what happened after except that I ended up going to my aunts. So was seven year old me an asshole for turning down two guys but then saying maybe to the third? My fate rests in your hands.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
V2PsxEVfoVJLGPNk0HeGfA6Ltgd372FW
|
a0mq2g
|
{
"description": "yelling at my aunt on Thanksgiving because she kept making passive aggressive comments about a crime I committed 10+ years ago",
"pronormative_score": 263,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for yelling at my aunt on Thanksgiving because she kept making passive aggressive comments about a crime I committed 10+ years ago?
|
Using a throwaway account b/c I have friends who know my regular username, and don’t really want to call to attention this issue I’m having with my family.
Some background: I committed a crime about 10 years ago (I agree I was an asshole at the time, but time marches forward). This particular crime is something the people of reddit demonize others for - I was at a friends house for my birthday and my friend made me dinner and had bought some wine for us to share. I had 2 glasses of wine over the course of about 2+ hours and felt tired. I got pulled over for doing about 6 miles over the speed limit and blew a .09, I blew several more times and my BAC kept going down each time. Both my lawyer and the cop told me it would have probably been under a .08 if I had waited another hour. I never would have driven if I knew I was over the limit, my group of friends were always the type to play it safe. We shared cab fare, had DDs, rented hotel rooms downtown, or spent the night at various friends places whenever we planned on drinking. It never occurred to me that my body couldn’t process wine in a little over 2+ hours.
I was devastated when this happened, I fell into a deep depression. I was convinced I would never have friends again, no one would care for me, I would never get a job again, I was not worthy of love, etc. My depression was compounded by the fact my my aunt (mom’s sister) and my aunt’s son (cousin) would basically tell me that I was a total piece of shit. They told me that I should be locked away and forgotten about. They told me I was worthless. They would refer to me as “criminal” and not my actual name. They would call me an alcoholic. They told me I would never get married because no one could love someone who is criminal scum. And for the first year after this happened I believed them. I stopped seeing any of my friends, I was terrified of even having any sort of alcohol in my apartment, I stopped having any sort of life because I knew I was absolutely worthless.
I’d visit my parents occasionally and sometimes my aunt would be there, and she would turn the topic around to me and what I did. I’d see my aunt and cousin around the holidays and various family events, they made sure to spread the gossip around so everyone knew. It was so incredibly embarrassing. Prior to falling in to a deep depression I was the type to hike, run 5ks, participate in bike marathons, lift weights and volunteered a lot of nonprofits with my friends. Our group frequently volunteered with Habitat For Humanity multiple times a year, and I stopped doing this.
This happened back in 2008, it’s now 2018 and my aunt and cousin always bring it up everytime I see them. They couldn't help but to call me out whenever they saw me, they would make a snide comment and I'd feel like shit all over again. It took me a long time to get out of my depression because of them. I finally managed to lose weight and become a better person over time.
I finally snapped this past Thanksgiving. Just like the last 10 Thanksgiving and the last 10 Xmases they spend a good portion of the day making horrible “jokes” at my expense. I hosted Thanksgiving this year, and my mom really wanted aunt and cousin to come, she said that she had talked to her sister and that she wouldn’t bring up my dwi this year. I was skeptical but my husband and I really wanted to host and cook this year, as it would be our first thanksgiving as a married couple.
Aunt and cousin didn’t keep their promise. Cousin saw our wine rack, asked if he should call “the betty ford clinic for me.” They asked my husband how he could marry a criminal and if he happened to be a felon, unemployed or an alcoholic - because they couldn’t imagine any other type to marry a low life like me. Aunt asked if my job had found out about my past yet, b/c they’ll probably fire me when they discover it. She asked how I was able to have a "real office job with computers" and not some shitty retail position with a criminal history like mine. She inquired how a criminal was able to own a home. She asked if I had started to drinking as soon as I got up that day. She wonders how it’s possible for me to be so thin when alcohol has so many calories in it and implied I must have a "liquid diet" and only eat solids on special occasions. They kept making passive aggressive comments like this throughout the evening. My husband opened a bottle of wine (he doesn’t give a shit what these people say, and if he feels like having a glass of wine with dinner, he’s going to have one. My ability to care was also fading, so I had him pour me a glass too). So, I had a glass of wine (in my own fucking home) and my aunt said “I hope you aren’t planning on driving after that, we all know you can’t control yourself.” After she said that I kinda lost my shit.
I basically said something along the lines of -
“For a criminal scumbag I sure have accomplished a lot more than you and your son combined. Your kid is in his 30s and hasn’t left home yet, and is a college drop out who never found a real job because his only talents are sitting on his ass and playing video games. I’ve been with the same company for the past 7 years and just got another promotion with a hefty pay raise, alcoholics can’t do that. I have a house and a wonderful husband, you’ve had two failed marriages and can’t seem to keep a new man for more than a few months. Also, have you noticed how thin and muscular I am? You can’t build muscle when you’re an alcoholic! The only thing you and your idiot son ever have to say is about something stupid I did 10 fucking years ago. And I think I know why - you literally have nothing interesting going on in your life at all, the only thing remotely interesting you ever have to talk about is ME. Maybe if you found a hobby - how about dieting and maybe trying to eat a vegetable for the first time in your fucking life - you could perhaps come up with a new god damn topic other than something dumb I did when I was in my early 20s for fucks sake.”
It was awkward after that. My two siblings thought it was hilarious, they never liked aunt much anyway, and would be quick to defend me in the past. Mom tried to play shitty mediator by saying I shouldn’t have yelled or swore, but it’s okay for me to defend myself, and told my aunt that she’s always too hard on me and to let it go. Dad never liked aunt basically told aunt she was asking for it. Cousin responded with just a “fuck you” and was huffy and silent until they left. Aunt was in hysterics about being spoken to in a such a manner, and that I’m an entitled and ungrateful “little girl”. Husband asked aunt and cousin to leave, they say more mean things and finally leave. Mom is still kinda angry with me for making a big fuss and told me that her sister likes to be crass and make jokes, but she’s still family and I should eventually apologize to aunt and cousin. I don’t share this feeling with my mom. Wanted to see if I should apologize and just accept they will continue to say horrible things to me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 262,
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
utcKnLjkfbNi1cSChbRJVrU7jLu58Ql3
|
as3vwy
|
{
"description": "not working for uber",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA I cant work for uber.
|
##
📷
ok, be me.
dude in texas, living in san angelo texas, off in grape greek. I'm coming home late at night after going to anime club on a friday night because that's my group. anyways, I drive back home and stop at a gas station to pick up something to drink, given the most I had that day was maybe a bottle of water.
the moment I stepped out of the car, I was stopped by a man begging for a ride to lubbock texas. offered me 60 bucks.
now before you judge me, I am autistic and kinda stupid. I knew I didn't have anything worth stealing and I had idiotic delusions of whatever badassery I may be able to do if he actually tried anything. most likely could have died in any other scenario.
take the deal after going inside to piss and get soda. let him in and start driving. this would be around the time my phone died.
hour 1 (10:00pm)
the road is quite and calm. the radio is useless given its only tuned into san angelo radio frequencies. kinda silent accept the guy getting religious, calling friends saying that i'm a nice dude for doing this. my ego is feeling nice. more compliments that first hour then i've gotten in a week.
a little chatty and annoying but I deal with it because cash. still dont know where the frick lubbock is.
hour two:
still lost, getting annoyed now. finally explained that his wife dumped him there after an argument, apparently they where there to visit there son, wasn't aware san angelo had a prison but coolio dudeio.
hour 3:
gas is getting low. but manageable, think i'll stop at a gas station. nope, I missed the exit. dude got alittle annoyed but told me there was one up further ahead.
hour 4
no gas station. he admits were lost. im ready to fucking cry because i realize how stupid this entire thing was, guy offers extra twenty to keep going.
hour five.
had to turn around, guy getting extra pissy, told me my driving sucked. found self serve gas station, gave him back the money and told him im sorry. were both sobbing. I sit in my car and panic for a bit.
hour 6:
I make it to another gas station, call my grandparents. no one picks up, gose to bathroom to panic a bit more, im fucking lost in the back roads of texas.
ask for directions, get some decent directions from nice cashier.
apparently my grandparents called back the moment I left.
stop at another gas station to get more directions, then one last one just to make sure Im heading the right way. dude was nice enough to let me look at his phone map for a little.
hour 7:
I finally make it back to san angelo, spend a good amount of time crying tears of utter euphoria as I hear the radio blair the same shitty pop songs, drive down streets, my autistic mind finally associating a clear path home. got home, cried and went to sleep.
I feel like shit about having to drop him off, I just knew I wouldn't be able to find my way back if I actually managed to get to lubbock. am I an asshole?
I feel only a little bit better about giving him the money back but fuck man.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
RIGHT
|
pVPmpbOFvnMZE0mLojswanDF4gXMVmk8
|
autlv7
| null |
AITA: my husband smells bad
|
Yes, this is about farts. Practically everyday of our four year marriage I complain to my husband about his farts. I hate having to cover my face or leave the room all the time because they smell so bad. Every time, I politely (IMO) chastise him, and suggest he go to the bathroom to fart instead of farting near me. He usually laughs and always says “sorry” yet never makes any attempt to change his habits. I feel the burden should be on him to leave the room for a few seconds rather than force me to leave the room for a few minutes. Sometimes I add a “seriously!” In my pleas, or a “maybe you should see a doctor” but he always brushes it off completely. Fast forward to today, tensions were already heightened, we had just had an argument about money, nothing major or anything, just he would like to talk about budgeting daily and I would like to talk about it not at all but am willing to compromise by talking about it monthly. We ended the argument agreeing to make small and specific budgetary improvements and to reassess our situation in a few weeks. I go into our bathroom to wash my face and when I come back into the bedroom, the room stinks! It’s tolerable, and I was tired, so I climb into bed anyways and by moving the comforter he was under, I let escape the most foul smell. I say in an annoyed tone “ugh! I am seriously going to buy you some charcoal lined underwear or some shit, you stink!” And he just laughs, and says “no you’re not, we’re on a budget!” After we had JUST agreed to not talk about it again for another few weeks! So I snap and say “well I don’t know what to fucking do, you are polluting my fucking air and it’s fucking annoying!” To which he says nothing, gets up and storms out of the bedroom and slams the door. Should I have waited to broach this topic another time when tensions weren’t already high? Or is it fair to call out rude behavior at any time as it happens? AITA here? What should I do to make him take this more seriously?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
vTwoCIpJ1vefzlk0LTtDzL7NqeJn9QVp
|
a8x7d5
|
{
"description": "booking a private airbnb room that turned to be bad",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For booking a private airbnb room that turned to be bad?
|
I and my gf have decided to go on trip for holiday season which also happens to be her birthday. I did all of the booking and trip planning as she was not interested. I've asked her would she like get a nicer place or something more frugal and go wild in the city with shopping and whatnot. She suggested the latter.
Anyway I got a great deal on airbnb private room that was well reviewed which turned out to be a disaster. We arrived there, the conditioner was loud and a lot of other minor issues like shared bathroom. After spending there two nights I convinced her to move a hotel in city center. We moved there in the middle of the night as she couldn't sleep because of the loud aircon and at the new place she just lashed out to me in all sorts of ways for not caring for her and stopped talking to me.
I've already got her an early birthday present before we left to boot so the trip is not her birthday present per se.
I feel pretty terrible that my trip didn't go as planned and I feel that I've back packed and traveled enough to build up a thicker skin but maybe I wasn't thoughtful enough for her. And I kinda enjoy adventure.
She said this trip supposed to be special for us but I can't really afford a high end hotel and all of the extra expenses.
Now that I write it out I'm rather certain that I'm not the asshole here and have to rethink parts of this relationship but maybe can someone prove me wrong here or at least get some entertainment from this story.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
0c8SHVkne4wfeLTKeaHOBnv1Vso0dvaF
|
9x3fg0
|
{
"description": "saying I'm not invested in Stan Lee's death",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for saying I'm not invested in Stan Lee's death?
|
Different semi-throwaway account for the sake of not unleashing a comment war with other people in the discord server, though it's not unlikely they will find it.
I'm genuinely asking if I'm the asshole here because apparently that's what seemed to be the consensus on the server. It's blown over now, I'm just asking.
So for some context, in a reddit-related discord server of mine (that is very loosely related to Stan Lee/Comics) I commented:
>[...] referring Stan Lee's death [...] **I'm not sure why it's such a big deal but apparently it is.**
This ticked off some people in the server who called me rude, insensitive, dismissive and disrespectful, to which I elaborated that as a non-American who isn't really into comics I had no personal investment so I wasn't aware so many people did, to which people started calling me ignorant and responded increasingly aggressively.
This discussion went on like this for a few minutes, until I got temporarily banned from the channel I was talking in while no one else did.
Question is, was I the asshole here? Was *everyone* the asshole here? And why is Stan Lee's passing such a touchy subject?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
DymkTDX1YDHPQEasjP1Yy61CzlAejF3P
|
b1jhi8
|
{
"description": "having a crush on a girl and telling my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for having a crush on a girl and telling my girlfriend?
|
Things aren't looking too good right now.
I will try to keep this short. I've been with my girlfriend for almost a year now, and we have a really great relationship. I truly love her and she's amazing, it's been going very well between the two of us.
My girlfriend has a best friend who is often with us when we're hanging out. They've been friends since they were 5 years old and they're now 22, so you can imagine how close they are. Whenever I go over to my girlfriend's place she's there. Naturally I became pretty close with her too as we were spending a lot of time together.
For the past few weeks I've been trying to distance myself from this friend because I realized that I have a huge crush on her. This hasn't worked at all, because she noticed that something was up and started texting me more and more saying I can talk to her. I told her I was fine and to not worry about me. She's so sweet and caring that she came by my place to check on me and brought some of my favorite food. We talked a bit and ate dinner until I made up an excuse that I had to leave.
Today I didn't know what to do anymore and I decided to tell my girlfriend. She thought I was joking at first, but once she noticed I was serious she got mad. She was crying and very angry, calling me all sorts of names. She did thank me for being honest but asked me to leave. Since then I haven't heard from my girlfriend but have received a few supportive messages from said friend, and that she wanted to talk. I don't know what she knows and I'm afraid that I screwed up everything me and girlfriend had.
I feel terrible. I don't have much words for it.
Am I the asshole for having a crush and telling me girlfriend? Is this something I should have kept to myself instead? I don't know. This kind of felt like my last resort.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
q3lT9Y1FNmQa7lHZgOF7EKzKpZXTkMRP
|
acqaw7
|
{
"description": "telling my mom to ask for help at the airport",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my mom to ask for help at the airport?
|
This past week my mom and I have been in China. We’re heading home right now and when she encounters something she doesn’t understand like which gate we’re supposed to go to or which line is for us she stands there and says to no one in particular “how do we know where to go?”
Normally my answer to that is to shrug and say to ask the airport attendants but then she gets mad that I’ve said it like that because she says it sounds like I’m commanding her to do something. Instead she wants me to say something like “shall we ask the attendant” or “lets go and ask them”. I don’t say “ask them” as a command or with any malicious intent. I just say that because it’s short and quick and it’s how I always talk with my brothers and friends. Am I in the wrong here? Idk how to explain to her that this is just how I say it without her getting angry at me.
Please note that my Chinese is pretty broken so I can’t successfully convey my questions to the attendants myself and their English is equally broken. That’s why I don’t ask them myself.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
TfR7YMSB7QOcqJf2mK3NpiX44SvJ1R9O
|
akfxes
| null |
AITA called a guy an obnoxious asshole
|
I'll try to keep this short. Basically I was in a PSN party, I told a guy that he was being loud, and then again, and finally a third time and then I muted him. He joins my RDR2 game and kills me while hunting, (because I had him muted) so I unmute him and say the reason I muted him is that he was being an obnoxious asshole. He flips out, tries to fight me, and tries to get other friends against me to hate me too. He then also said that even though I've know him for about a full year that we were never friends and that he hates me. Sounds a bit overdramatic, but I'm just curious what I did that really pissed him off. He also tries to jump on top of me any chance he gets to make remarks about me, but I give no reaction. Thanks for reading!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
YpuW2TtiUFG5t8tshOZEJ0MxMKcea0cS
|
b2wjtr
|
{
"description": "being somewhat angry at my family for inviting me for lunch (just 5 of us or so) with only 12 hours of notice? (like, literally 11pm the day before). happens constantly some random Sunday a month or so",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being somewhat angry at my family for inviting me for lunch (just 5 of us or so) with only 12 hours of notice? (like, literally 11pm the day before). Happens constantly some random Sunday a month or so.
|
Usually we get invited to my grandmothers some random Sunday of the month with no notice and it bothers me that I might be staying up late with my friends/gf the previous night and intend to sleep a lot next morning, which I know sound a bit bad but can't whenever we're invited.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
vEa6jyegW3tzBvy446YZMBNb19o0mtS2
|
ad7wk6
|
{
"description": "'misreading signs'",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for 'misreading signs'
|
So about two months ago a girl I haven't spoken to in years stopped me in a nightclub and dragged me to a private area to talk, and she was telling me stuff that afterwards obviously came off as flirting. Anyway, we became friends and would talk a lot. She supposedly told her friends that she liked me. Anyway, we recently met up again at a nightclub with my friends and she dragged me away from my friends. We were both pretty drunk and I said that I liked her and she said good, and told me she wanted to get more drunk. She then brought me to a sofa to cuddle, before her friend came and told us to go somewhere else. Anyway, she kissed me on the cheek and told me to hold her stuff while she went to the toilet. I waited for over an hour and got super pissed so I left her stuff there to hang out with my friends.
Anyway, she got her phone back and I said that if she wanted to go out, then I'm fine with that. She immediately just tells me that we were not flirting at all and that I was misreading signs. I tell her she obviously led me on and making me wait that long was a really bitchy thing to do when I could have been with my real friends. She says that she doesn't know how she can make it up to me, I tell her she can't and we stop talking.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
TscMQE9gdMHIeBqRpEjAVTFHkDnlW980
|
aubvol
|
{
"description": "telling my friend I don't think her boyfriend has good intentions",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for Telling My Friend I Don’t Think Her Boyfriend Has Good Intentions?
|
I have a very close friend group of 6 friends. We have all been friends since high school and we tell each other *everything.* We were around 19 and one of them (say Kate) was single and still a virgin, but she was looking for a relationship and someone she loved.
At my job there was this cute guy (say John) that I hadn’t actually met. So with Kate’s permission, I gave John her phone number. They ended up getting together after their first date. A week in, Kate happily tells us that she’d lost her virginity and that 2 seconds after they’d finished John had written ‘V card’ on index card, asked her to hold it, and then taken it out of her hand saying that ‘he stole her V card’.
We told her that we were happy that she was happy, but we thought that it was pretty soon, since she had said she wanted to lose it to someone she loved. We also questioned his intentions considering the whole ‘V card’ thing and that he’d sent a picture of the ‘V card’ to all of his friends. She said she’d sent us the picture too because it was funny.
A couple weeks later we hung out with John and Kate. The whole time John was constantly being overly sexual with Kate in front of us. He slapping her butt, heavily kissing her, making sex jokes and talking about things he wanted to do to her. Later, Kate again asked us what we thought about John. Some of us told her we still questioned his intentions because of how he’d been acting. Kate started to feel uneasy about it so she went and talked to John. I tend to be the most vocal one in our group, so of course I had been one of the main voices. After they were done talking John comes over to me and yells at me asking what my problem is and saying that I should be happy Kate is happy, stay out of their relationship, stop making her think he’s an asshole, come to him if I had a problem and stop being a bitch. I yelled at him, telling him I’m not a yes man and if she asks my opinion, I’m gonna tell her what I think because I genuinely care about her. By this point I was pissed of at John and at Kate just standing there watching.
Kate is my friend! I wasn’t bitching behind his back, I was expressing my concerns to my friend when she asked what I thought. He spent the rest of the party bad mouthing me while Kate was with him. Later Kate and I got into a fight. She was angry because I ‘wasn’t happy she was happy’ and she ‘just wanted things to go back to how they were’, but I was pissed at John for coming at me after I said he was sketchy and at Kate for letting him talk about me like that without saying anything. We all made up eventually and Kate and John are still together. But every time it’s brought up it still irks me. She had known him for 2 weeks, but had been my friend for 6 years. I still personally don’t think I did anything wrong. So, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Bu4IoNhjev72K4Yo4n270y17Yb3B5lAw
|
adw6f0
| null |
AITA - A guy held the door for me as I exited a convenience store. I walked out without acknowledging his chivalry because my nose was buried in my phone.
|
So the other day I (F) was at 7-11 and had coffee in one hand and my phone in the other. I was googling a destination on the gps tracker and sort of just whizzed on through the open door, not realizing someone was holding it open for me.
I thought it was just propped open or something, really I didn't think much about it.
Suddenly I heard "You're welcome!" in a loud male voice behind me. I swung around and saw a tall bearded man glowering at me while letting go of the door.
I was so embarrassed I said nothing and just kinda ducked into my car at and continued staring at my phone for a minute then left.
I'm pretty sure IATA here but wanted to know what others thought.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
SDuT3riuPAt32RxNvsSRFP4yUYvPqIzV
|
a344j3
|
{
"description": "not wanting my flatmate's parents to visit",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting my flatmate’s parents to visit?
|
Firstly, I want to put in that I’m pleased she has such a close relationship with her parents. We live in a house of three, and all go to the same university in the UK. One flatmate (let’s call her ‘Emily’) has had her parents to visit 3 times in the last 9 weeks. Not just a day visit, but two long weekends, and then recently for her birthday Emily’s parents have now been here for 10 days. The parents are divorced but always visit together. They won’t speak to each other, so they all sit in the living room silently and make it hugely uncomfortable for everyone.
I want to ask Emily to stop them visiting, or at least reduce the visits so they’re shorter and less regular, but I feel like I’m an asshole for not wanting her parents to visit. She clearly loves them very much, but it’s very uncomfortable for me and for flat mate number 3. It’s our house too, and we both avoid being at home when her parents are around.
Thoughts?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
iC74AJzm6GJfdLkbplY7uWYrHXskCyEv
|
axxy3f
|
{
"description": "stopping giving my boyfriend blowjobs",
"pronormative_score": 336,
"contranormative_score": 34
}
|
WIBTA if I stop giving my boyfriend blowjobs?
|
So i (21f) have been with my boyfriend (21m) for almost two years. I love him very much and we have a pretty stable relationship. There’s only one problem- he doesn’t go down on me. When I first started dating bf he told me he didn’t like giving head because of a bad experience with a girl (smelly vag). I thought fair enough and didn’t want to push him into something he’s not comfortable with. Fast forward and in the two years we’ve been together he’s gone down on me a total of 8 times. For a while there I actually forgot vaginal oral sex existed. Last week his friends were drunk and discussing how often they give head, which is almost always. I felt a bit bummed after hearing this, so asked bf the next day if there was something wrong with my lady bits and is that why he hardly ever does it. I keep things pretty clean and tidy down there and have never had any odour issues, so I figured maybe it doesn’t look normal and that’s why. He responded that he doesn’t even mind, he just doesn’t like doing it cause he “gets nothing out of it”. Which is a damn far cry from his original excuse. This made me really angry. I go down on him all the time. I think he’s being extremely selfish. The whole point of oral is to pleasure your partner, you don’t get anything out of it but the enjoyment of getting them off. I’ve been stressing out that somethings wrong with me or that he’s traumatised from a bad experience, but the whole time he just doesn’t want to do it because he’s selfish and only wants to do stuff that gets him off. Oral should be reciprocated and I’m annoyed at myself for letting him put his pleasure above mine. Ever since I’ve stopped giving him head, cause I’m sick of choking on dick and getting “nothing out of it”. I’m planning on bringing it up with him again tomorrow, if he refuses to compromise I don’t think I can ever go down on him again unless it’s reciprocated. I don’t know where our relationship will be if that’s the result. All I know is that I’m angry I’ve been lied to and treated like my pleasure is secondary. So reddit, WIBTA if I stop giving blowjobs and potentially damaging an otherwise decent relationship all because I want head?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 20,
"OTHER": 320,
"EVERYBODY": 14,
"NOBODY": 16,
"INFO": 4
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 336,
"WRONG": 34
}
|
RIGHT
|
Fy7GWPoau3LX3hNRqlLyjIt48q22rWNq
|
a4h9ug
|
{
"description": "not wanting my fiancé to create a YouTube channel or Vlog with our kids in it",
"pronormative_score": 91,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not wanting my fiancé to create a YouTube channel or Vlog with our kids in it?
|
In my opinion there is no upside for them, but potentially opens them up to bullying and over exposure. She says I am evil and controlling for not letting her do what she wants to do. I, in no way, said anything about her not doing her own videos, but asked her to not include them.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 89,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 91,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
qfKZdQoiGtpqufdzpJE0nxP5XtxkGbeU
|
b6hwnl
|
{
"description": "being open about my disability",
"pronormative_score": 140,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for being open about my disability?
|
A colleague approached me at work and asked about how long I’ve been on crutches. I told him that I’ve been on them since I was very young (it’s been around 15 or so years). She was surprised by how long that was and asked a follow-up question about how much longer I’ll be on them. My response was “probably till I meet my grave, whenever that is.” This comment she didn’t take too kindly about and said that I have to remain positive and try not to think that way. God will always find a way for his children. If you keep that mindset, you’re only going to meet struggle.” I’m normally very indifferent and don’t care about what others say in regards to my situation and think that I’m doing alright for myself, in regards to the cards that I’ve been dealt. But I told her “we don’t have the same lifestyle or quality of life, if you think I enjoy being in this state, then you’re the one being close minded.” She seemed bothered that I actually responded in that manner since there’s a social stigma of disabled people being overly submissive.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 134,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 140,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
QMvZb9sh4vCrcgcH7fzybJwaoRNcSG94
|
axc97i
|
{
"description": "not wanting my mom to cover my daughter's chest in pictures",
"pronormative_score": 565,
"contranormative_score": 63
}
|
AITA for not wanting my mom to cover my daughter's chest in pictures
|
My daughter is 17 months old. Being that she is a toddler, she would live in just her diaper if she could. When she's at home, we let her run free, and thus, most of our pictures are of her in just her diaper.
My mother posts a lot of my daughter's photos on facebook, which I don't mind, but she is constantly editing little heart or smiley face stickers over my daughter's nipples. To me, this just seems really creepy and sexualizing, since my daughter's nipples are no different than my nephew's, who's uncensored photos are also all over my mother's facebook. Something about it really rubs me the wrong way, but when I addressed it with my mother, she told me the pictures were inappropriate for her friends to see without the stickers covering her up. So I told her not to post any more pictures of my daughter. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 26,
"OTHER": 506,
"EVERYBODY": 37,
"NOBODY": 59,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 565,
"WRONG": 63
}
|
RIGHT
|
UD3l2RqngpcVUwh4VkXiXUPhu59fopxD
|
ar2d5s
|
{
"description": "doing the easy chores",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for doing the easy chores?
|
So every now and then my mom will write a not before she leaves for work. Saying to clean the living room and kitchen. Now cleaning the living room, is far easier. I wake up before my brother, so I'll see the note first and choose the task I wanna do. My brother is getting pissed that I keep leaving him to do, what's usually the kitchen. I think it's fair, considering I wake up first and am downstairs first to be able to see. And it's not like I'm waking up at 5 in the morning, no it's like 7:30-8. AITA for doing that?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
8zZCe5w1IZN7GgwwGNN7IjN8mLQcRWFG
|
b70fcg
|
{
"description": "getting mad",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting mad?
|
Okay, so first time posting on reddit so I'm sorry if I mess anything up.
I'm in an art class that lasts around four hours everyday and theres there's around 21 people in there. One girl in our friend group in particular, lets call her L, has a lying problem along with only talking about her sex life and everything negative that has happened to her. Now I would be okay with this if it wasn't an everyday thing. It was constant, and made everyone at our table uncomfortable and it stressed some of us out as we were dealing with our own problems, and hers on top of ours made it worse. After it got bad I left and a couple of my friends, K specifically, followed and I guess it made L really mad. L ended up leaving as well to sit with some of her other friends. That table we sat at was empty for a couple of days and we decided to move back now that L was gone.
Skip to this present day.
I'm sick with the flu and didn't go to class today. K messages me and told me that our friend E let L come back and sit at the table without asking if it was okay with any of us first. Obviously a few of us were upset. I messaged E and asked if she did let L come back and why, but she ended up getting really defensive so I took that as a yes. Turns out L got kicked out of her other table and didn't have anywhere to go so she asked E if she could sit with us, which she did. I ended up blocking L for obvious reasons and E because she supposedly was done with L and didn't want to talk to her, but ended up inviting her back. AITA here?
TL;DR- Ex friend with lying and drama problems moves back to table after being kicked out of our table then her friend's table. I blocked two people, the ex friend and another friend that wasn't being completely truthful. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
f8qERMqkLg2ibD4hkZZqvuTRnh9GE4U1
|
atzdkc
|
{
"description": "not wanting to supervise my kids' sleepover with their cousins",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to supervise my kids' sleepover with their cousins
|
I have 3 children with my ex husband. My kids and their cousins are all middle/high school age. I will keep this concise:
My ex usually has the kids every other weekend. He tells me he needs to switch weekends for work. Ok, fine, no problem. Then he tells me he promised a sleepover with his sister's children (my children's cousins) that weekend, so they will also be coming over. I tell him absolutely not. He's mad at me about this and so are my kids now.
I've only seen my kids' cousins once or twice in almost 10 years, since the divorce. I'm sure they're great kids and my kids love them, but I can tell their cousins feel awkward around me. I completely understand that, because we were never close enough justify keeping contact after the divorce, especially since they were young when it happened. I just don't want to spend my weekend with my kids feeling that kind of awkward tension.
For the record, I called my ex's sister and explained the situation so she could reschedule and explain to her kids and she seemed pretty horrified at what her brother did.
My kids and ex are very pissed at me though. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
39E5KwrXmXvxwCs9j66ntHsGZP03y7WJ
|
aeltzx
|
{
"description": "being mad about the car being borrowed",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being mad about the car being borrowed?
|
Been with my fiance 4 years tomorrow, and he proposed to me on Christmas. I have worked full time for the last three years, but because I don't have eyes that work the best (my Mom is legally blind) he has been driving me to and from work the entire time, except for when he is busy when I have my Dad take me. He always had his vehicle, but when it died I bought him a very terrible (im dumb) car from my Dads friend thinking it would last long enough for us to save up and buy new. It caught on fire on the road not even a week later and had to be taken to the junkyard. We borrowed his Dads old car, but the transmission blew within a couple of weeks. Mind you all of these cars were on their death bed and had 200k miles r more, except my mistake buy which had 280000. I am learning how to buy vehicles now.
Long story short he was fed up and bought a 2017 vehicle with 45000 miles.
Here is where it gets complicated. Me and fiance live with room mate/landlord. He's a cool guy and goes out of his way to be nice and help us out. Thing is, he got a temp job working with my Dad in the city 2 hours away, which was fine when my Dad was taking him. My Dad got hurt and has been off work for over a month now, and room mate/landlord has been using the new car to go to the city every day since to continue work. He took rent off for the month, 300 for it. He got side swiped by an old woman in it (not his fault, but still) and the car now has almost 70,000 miles on it and we have had it less than six months.
Today was supposed to be his last day, but my boyfriend told me last night he asked to borrow it until Saturday without giving us any more leniency on rent or money.
I'm furious, can't even really think too deeply on it. It feels like we are being used and walked on, especially my boyfriend. AITA though for being so mad? Should I calm down and ntgaf because it's not my car?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
OxNQLP6U9bEONJdLkW2sjlaHY5UQ1cZ1
|
b3sjur
|
{
"description": "reserving the bedroom for me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for reserving the bedroom for me
|
So bf (mid 30s) and me (mid 20s) live together. We have a bedroom, his office (he works from home) and a joint dining/living room where my computer is located.
Bf has a friend who I dont really like hanging out with. He asked me if it was ok if friend came over for a night over and stayed the night. I had some medical problems, so I dont wated to join them, but said it was ok for the two of them to go out.I also made clear that bf should sleep on the couch (I didnt want to have my sleep interrupted) and that as long as friend is there the bedroom is mine to use as I wish (including watching videos etc.).
Long story short they drank a lot and were both not feeling well the next day, vomiting, the whole works. I have no problem with that. At about 3pm bf said that he will go sleep in the bedroom (friend was still occupying our couch). I told him no and that the bedroom was mine. Bf acted annoyed, friend saw it and decided to leave because he didnt want to start an argument. I told friend he could stay until he felt save to drive. He left nevertheless.
Bf then went to bedroom, I stayed in the living room. I heard friend call and heard bf say "yes, this is so stupid" in an annoyed tone. After the call ended, I went into the bedroom and told bf that Im sad he thinks my actions are stupid after I communicated my conditions clearly beforehand. He said he didnt say that and ignored me the rest of the day. I feel shitty now both for annoying bf and for driving friend out. Also I feel like a foreign body in my own home.
Am I the asshole and should have let bf sleep in the bedroom and just stayed quiet?
Tldr: Bf was annoyed when friend stayed over after a night of drinking (that I did not join) that I wanted the bedroom to myself.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
WRONG
|
GKhDIoU1CH4TmpQ9fi1NrEEdXNQmEvE5
|
aeelz5
|
{
"description": "reporting a Lyft driver on his first day and requesting a refund for a long trip",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for reporting a Lyft driver on his first day and requesting a refund for a long trip?
|
My partner and I recently adopted a kitten from a rescue group in NYC. We live in NJ and usually take the train back from the city but decided to take a Lyft when we picked up the kitten as it was Thanksgiving weekend and we didn’t want to stress our new kitten out in a crowded train. We called the driver as soon as he accepted the ride to let him know that we were going to NJ and we have a cat with us. He was cool with it.
The ride was absolutely terrifying! This guy was nice enough but he was a horrible driver. He kept slamming the brake and, worse, he couldn’t even follow directions on the app. At one point, I was checking the app to see how much longer it would take until we get home and realized we were not on the route we were supposed to be on. Turns out, he took a wrong turn and couldn’t follow the maps to get back on track. He was circling around Newark Airport and didn’t know how to get out!
As soon as I realized what was happening, I tried to help him navigate by giving him directions. He was a foreigner and didn’t seem to understand me very well at all. I tried to only give him short, simple directions and he seemed to get it but still made wrong turns sometimes. At one point, he stopped in the middle of the highway for no reason and was blocking other cars from entering the NJ Turnpike. We kept getting honked at by multiple cars, and for good reason. I was at the edge of my seat the entire time, fearing for my life and trying to stay focus so I can keep track of where we were and give him directions, since he clearly wasn’t capable of following the app. What was originally supposed to be a 1h20’ ride ended up taking almost 3 hours.
As soon as we got home, I rated him 1 star, left a long comment, and called Lyft support to ask for a refund. Lyft fully refunded the ride, which was about $140, and I don’t know if the driver got any money out of the trip and if he was able to continue driving for them afterward. I feel like I was well within my right to give him a bad rating and ask for my money back given how awful a driver this guy was and how he put us in physical danger. However, I also felt bad for him since he seemed nice and was genuinely apologetic. Also, as I’m an immigrant myself, I understand how difficult it is. This guy probably started driving with Lyft to support his family and I didn’t want to take that away from him. This trip probably ended up taking him 6 hours in total and I don’t think he got any money out of it. On the other hand, it’s not my fault it took so long, and had he not been such a horrible and unsafe driver, it would have taken him less than 3 hours and he would’ve earned the $140 plus the $30 tip I usually leave for these trips. Also, I didn’t want him to stay on the road and put others in danger if that’s how he drives.
This happened two months ago and it still bothers me. AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 25,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
MYzBkxa6kqi0MZViWZZB3wmMg10herJD
|
auv01k
|
{
"description": "communicating with neighbors via notes",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for communicating with neighbors via notes?
|
This happened a while ago, but there was a popular AITA post today about a similar topic so I decided I'd ask for y'alls opinions too, for future reference. I'm genuinely confused about if I'm in the wrong about this.
​
About 2 years ago, I had extremely loud neighbors that would have a good crowd over on the weekends, and sometimes during the weekdays too. They'd play very bass-heavy music, play Rock Band with their windows open, girls would be screaming every minute, and I'm pretty sure they were high half the time. It's college, so I get it, but my window was immediately adjacent to their opened windows so I could hear everything and my walls would shake due to the bass. My other roommate and I have contacted the leasing office on separate occasions about this, but either they didn't do anything about it or our neighbors got the warning but just didn't care. The issue went on and it was heavily impeding our studying. So eventually, when we got a bit fed up, we left a note on their door asking them to keep it down. We worded it as politely as we could, since we didn't want bad blood between us. They ignored the note and the issue went on.
​
It got to the point where my roommate and I did call the non-emergency police number, and requested that an office come by and just ask them to keep the noise level down, since the leasing office didn't help and they ignored our first note. The next morning, we found a note on our door telling us that we should "be adults" and come talk to them in person. Personally, I don't think there is anything wrong with leaving a note, and like I said before, we were very polite about it. They left their number and wrote, "Text me once you decide to grow a pair."
​
In retrospect, we really should have asked them in person, but at the time, we genuinely did feel uncomfortable approaching them directly since we're small-built females and our neighbors are tall males. The area isn't necessarily safe, so we did what we thought was best at the time. But are we the a-holes for handling it this way?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
ZqpyAu4dJKQq2mVU8577RgOR3ARZP7qf
|
adyi6n
| null |
AITA took a check from ex wife for insurance
|
Sorry for the format on mobile
Long Post Ahead
TLDR at the bottom
To start it off I was in the army and stationed in Germany when I met my now Ex-Wife. We got married when I got orders back stateside. Fast forward a couple months her 19 year old brother wants to come live with us. I was a little hesitant at first but the wife was persistent so I finally caved and said he could but he had to pay 1 bill and 50$ every two weeks for groceries.
So he arrived around mid August with around 2100$. I told him he wouldn’t he wouldn’t have to pay for the month of August as he had just arrived. He had no car so I allowed him to use mine when he would go to school and look for a job because I had a motorcycle I could ride. By mid September he had spent all of his money on clothes and going out. I had to pay for nearly everything as my Ex worked at a gas station barely able to afford her car payment. (It was her house to buy the car)
This caused conflict in the marriage because I would constantly come home to her brother just playing video games and nothing else. Well I ended up keeping track of everything he owed me according the agreement intially made when he moved in. It ended up being roughly 2600$ all in all.
We ended up getting divorced in April of the next year. When she was moving out to her apartment she ended up getting rear ended and a stop light. The entire rear of the car was completely totaled. I paid for her insurance as her and her brother were on my plan.
Around two weeks after the accident we signed the divorce and I thought that was it. Two weeks later I get a call from the insurance company asking about where to send the GAP Paycheck too. So I had them send it to my house. It was about 1600$
She called me a couple days later crying saying I stole from her and she wants that money as it was supposed to be her rent money. I told her to shove off and consider it payment for her brothers expenses. She threatened me by saying she would get her friends to come collect because I stole it. Which i didn’t because the GAP insurance pays to the insurance holder and the car was in my name as well.
*TL DR Paid about 2500$ for Ex wife’s brother to stay with us. Ended up wrecking car after divorce. Kept the GAP insurance check as payment for her brother.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
aqFsgcGQqtsv7hVkLGs1a3kMwNjoiZuD
|
9y1kwd
|
{
"description": "feeling offended when my roommate/landlord shows up without warning to paint the living room",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for feeling offended when my roommate/landlord shows up without warning to paint the living room.?
|
Background: My roommate owns the house and may be selling it soon - so he has been fixing it up recently. He spends the majority of his time with his girlfriend at their house and I see him rarely. His sister has also been temporarily staying at the house too, though that probably doesn't matter? She's cool. We get along. I'm currently on crutches from a work related injury so I've been sleeping downstairs on the couch because the toilet upstairs needs to be fixed and stairs are the bane of my existence right now.
Issue: Today my roommate and his girlfriend came over with no warning and and started painting the living room. Everything is moved away from the walls and it's difficult for me to walk through on crutches. I've had to use the stairs a lot and reorganize my life quite a bit which is challenging given my situation. This isn't the first time they've shown up unexpectedly like this and started doing something major in the house. I can respect that they need to get things accomplished, but it offends and inconveniences me when they don't communicate their plans to me so that I can make alternative plans for my day. Had I known, then I could have stayed at my sister's house or something. It also kind of bothers me that they have time to clear out the basement or repaint the living room, but can't be bothered to fix the upstairs toilet or chronically clogged sink (which could easily be done on a day off). AITA for feeling peeved about this or am I just over-reacting? Should I talk to my roommate/landlord about this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
WRDxzxDai2QaMehtExwtmt3m3CjPb2sF
|
b0wwj4
|
{
"description": "being tired of sleeping on the couch with my son",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being tired of sleeping on the couch with my son?
|
Using a throwaway for this. My son is close to 14 months old now, and since he was 8 or 9 months I have taken him to the couch almost every night to sleep on my chest. He wakes up late at night/early in the morning, usually from 1-3, screaming, and I either come get him or climb out of bed and take him out with me to the couch.
This started when I was trying to calm him down one night and was so tired I fell asleep there. We were surprised it worked so well and just kinda went with it. Thing is, I do it basically every night now. I don't get to sleep in bed all night anymore.
Just a little bit ago tonight, my wife woke me up after I'd been asleep for about 20 minutes (went to bed late) and asked me to take the baby to the couch. I responded with, "yeah but I'm getting sick of doing it all the time." That's where things went very bad. For context, we've been having serious marital issues for quite some time now, and they got worse about the same time this started (not related at all). We've finally got to the point where she's wanting to try to work things out and seems to be happy around me more often.
She took this the wrong way from how I intended and got really angry with me, threatening to throw me out if I didn't want to help. I don't mind helping, I love my kids and it's part of my job as their dad to take care of them, but I hate how I never got to stay in bed anymore. I was kicked out of the bedroom for months and the couch really isn't too comfy all night every night. Plus I move around a lot in my sleep, but with the baby my subconscious seems to keep me from doing that, so I wake up stiff often.
Should I have held my tongue until day hours when we could have discussed it without being angry?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
dItq4mDc2pnq1ziBH75uApy3jPMZLIle
|
9uc544
|
{
"description": "blocking my family on social media",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for blocking my family on social media?
|
I'm not very active on social media. I have a Facebook account that I made over a decade ago. It's mostly just family members, old high school friends, and work stuff. I rarely actually use it.
I occasionally use Instagram. My instagram is mostly pictures of my pets and just random shit that makes me happy, but it's kind of personal. When I started using it, I didn't really think about the fact that it was linked to my Facebook or that my account would be suggested to my facebook friends.
Recently a bunch of my relatives followed me on Instagram, probably because of those suggestions. They are all distant relatives that I haven't actually seen or really spoken to in over a decade. They are aunts and cousins who seem to want to have a connection with me and my life, but I don't really want a connection with them.
They aren't bad people. They haven't done anything wrong, but knowing that they are following me and seeing them like my posts makes me uncomfortable. Even seeing their names and their faces is upsetting to me.
They don't know this, but I experienced a lot of abuse as a child and pretty much any reminder of my childhood (including them) can be really upsetting. I like to go on instagram to calm down and look at pictures of dogs, not see names and faces of people who remind me of this really painful part of my life.
The other part of it is that I don't know how much contact they have with the person who abused me (who is not tech savvy and I know isn't using instagram or following me). So now I can't post without thinking, "Are they going to tell my abuser about this? Would I be okay with them knowing this?"
I don't want them to follow me, but I feel like I would be a huge asshole to block them when they haven't done anything wrong. I don't really want to make my account private either, so they'd probably figure out that I blocked them. I don't want to hurt people who didn't do anything wrong.
Explaining the situation to them and asking them to unfollow is not an option, because I'm not confrontational enough and because it might get back to my abuser. So I either just live with them following me, block them, or abandon my instagram account.
Would I be the asshole for blocking my relatives who did nothing wrong just because I don't like seeing them "liking" my posts and don't like knowing that they follow me?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
n8tDfXV987fMnG2kt3nUjvUjEeBgQeMl
|
av08sa
|
{
"description": "keeping a no-shoes household",
"pronormative_score": 126,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for keeping a no-shoes household?
|
I have an infant who is currently in the crawling stage. He goes everywhere in our house as fast as he can on his two little hands and knees. Then he immediately puts whatever he can find, including his hands, in his mouth. For this reason, I have hired house keepers to mop and vacuum all our floors monthly, and keep shoes in the mud room or by the front door. Just to minimize how much gross is tracked into the house for my baby to crawl in and consume.
My parents will come over about twice a month after the baby is asleep to keep an eye on him while my husband and I grab a late dinner or drinks. This is the only time my parents babysit or contribute towards helping with the baby. So while I’m really grateful for the free help, I don’t feel like we are abusing the system. I also order them in dinner when they come over.
My mother has now decided on these occasions that she doesn’t like taking her shoes off and just wears them. Even when asked directly to please take her shoes off, she responds “no. My feet get cold. I’d rather fight with you about it.” And then refuses to do it. Period. She has been offered fuzzy socks, slippers, or to bring her own slippers with her if she prefers. Nothing is acceptable other than wearing her dirty shoes all over our house, so for days after these occasions I am finding pieces of rocks, grass, dirt tracked in.
AITA for not wanting her to come over if she doesn’t take off her shoes? I don’t need free babysitting, I can happily pay someone. So I am thinking of telling her that if she can’t respect the rules of my home, she’s not invited over until she can. I hate to be uptight about this, but it’s gross to me and I am specifically paying cleaners to mitigate the dirt in my house. Just trying to get some perspective.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 124,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 126,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
FiBnB1JzX0tWE0rWhLg8bNNDS4EFEtOV
|
b9vcsw
| null |
AITA Neighbours give gift then want it back
|
**Am I the Asshole for not wanting to give back gifts they gave to us over a year ago because they want it back?? I think not but..**
Context:
These neighbours of ours discard pets as soon as they get bored of them. They really really wanted a kit from our rabbit litter so we did. We though Ash would be getting a new permanent caring home. Yeah,no.
**Ash was only in their home for maybe 9 months then they sold him with his cage. The Xpen(80$)** and some toys and treats and a dish were given to us as gifts for my three(now two, RIP Princess Lumpy) rabbits. **The Xpen was perfect for Lumpy as she could jump 30cm or more high. Her son, Copper, can climb the x pen.** I use it a lot in the spring and summer for the rabbits to dig and eat and not get in trouble.
I also have been **giving birthday presents and christmas presents during this time period. Costs have amounted to over 150+$ so far.** **But I've stopped this past Christmas after I wasn't thanked by the family(Save for the mom).** They have also **fallen through so many promises to us and asking me to take time off work to watch their kids or spend time with them so the parents can have a date night(which never happened and I lost hours at work...). They stopped paying for their long driveway and steps to get cleared of ice and snow(even though they said they'd pay us at X time)**
Am I being the asshole here??
I don't think so but the household is torn over this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
pkM9R8ckq7F1GAiFGsW8jaOEj4ycERtP
|
ad5xo6
|
{
"description": "telling my friend to stop venting about her breakup with me",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for telling my friend to stop venting about her breakup with me?
|
Little backstory. We met on a breakup support chat and developed a friendship. We've really been there for each other. Her breakup was 4 months ago, mine was 3.
I'm finally starting to feel better. My breakup was rough and I could barely hang on for 3 months. Slowly, things have gotten better. The excruciating pain stopped, I can see things clearly. I've accepted my ex no longer wants to be with me, and I don't want to be with her either.
My friend, on the other hand, is still stuck. I totally get it, I've been there too. She has depression as well.
Whenever I start feeling a little better, have a good day or move a step forward and I share it with her.. she is seemingly supportive. But also throws in there things like 'you'll crash again later'. Or talks about her own situation, how she's still stuck. I say I'm moving on, and she tells me about her pain, her struggles, how she can't get out of it. She's still stuck thinking if her ex only changed, things would be ok. Or that he is sabotaging for wanting to start dating again.
I started feeling strongly like this was counterproductive. Everytime I felt a little better, she would bring me down. And so after the last time this happened, where I could not sleep and felt like absolute shit, I felt I needed some time away to gather my thoughts.
I contacted her again after 48 hours explaining this as kindly as I could. That I want to be friends and be there for her but hearing these things all the time is unhealthy right now.
She started acting passive aggressive. Said she's disappeared that I didn't talk to for two days. I said I'm sorry but I won't apologize for needing some time alone or asking you to please stop using me as a venting space when I finally am getting out of this after so much pain. You need to consider my state when you tell me all these things.
In her eyes, I'm the asshole. So am I ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
WXv5ulX8ES0hJ5w3jOWSpCsxFpnMjONv
|
b92vls
|
{
"description": "not talking to my gf after she said she was feeling jealous because her ex was with another girl",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not talking to my gf after she said she was feeling jealous because her ex was with another girl
|
Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a little bit and today she admitted that she started crying because she saw her ex with another girl. She told me she loves me but I still just feel down and I pretty much have been ignoring her for the rest of the day. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
iSfaqcT6Pb52gvNtWFdFjtw2dIBdD3Id
|
ad28ov
|
{
"description": "wanting my sister to clean the drain after showering",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my sister to clean the drain after showering?
|
This won't be long so just bear with me here.
Nearly every time I go in the shower after my sister there is hair that clogs up the drain, now this is not that awful, but I find it quite gross. My feet end up bathing in her grimy hair water (not exaggerating when i pull it out it has a white coating all over it).
Most of the time this isn't too much of an inconvenience as I just pull the hair out before I enter the shower, but I feel as if it should be her responsibility to do so, as it is her hair right? I've confronted her about this and she has countered with "I can't control it" which I understand that the clog is not her fault, but I feel as if cleaning it is controllable. She also offered to come in and clean up when the water drains (because she says cleaning it before is gross)
This bugs me a bit, because it is way grosser to **Stand** in it and after removing the hair you can just wash your hands (which I do). This has been going on for a year now so I need to know, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
sYJwpE1pZguY2J22aMXQqaircgAidO7h
|
ammk5c
|
{
"description": "supporting my mothers divorce",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for supporting my mothers divorce?
|
My mother is going through a difficult divorce with my stepfather. My Stepfather has drowned both my mother and himself in dept manly due to drug related problems. Rather then a divorce my mother attempted to send my stepfather into rehab, for the 3rd time, before the divorce process official started. My mothers plan was to get my stepfather clean, sell off all the assets, pay off as much dept as possible and split the remainder of the dept/resources and move on.
I live out of state, and was admittedly not present for the intervention, that lucky ended with my stepfather checking into a rehab facility.
My problem is that during the entire process my grandmother, the matriarch of the family, has been against the entire process, yes including the intervention, divorce, etc.
I got word from several members of the intervention and family that my grandmother continually advocated for allowing my stepfather to continue to use/abuse the shared funds vehicles etc. My Grandmother even spoke out against the divorce despite the emotional, health, and legal trauma that ignoring treatment could bring about.
When I spoke to my Grandmother about the issue, she told me that marriage is sacred and my mother, the breadwinner of the family, has to do right by my stepfather. I found fault with this logic as one it would be enabling a drug abuser to continue to endanger his life as well as everyone around him. I also found fault with her belief that marriage is sacred and my mother should do right by my stepfather seeing as how my Grandmother is herself legally separated from my grandfather and continues to support my grandfather, who is himself an alcohol abuser.
This resulted in a stalemate, and ultimately I told her that her actions are her own and she has to do what she believes is right, just like I have to do what I believe is right, and that our own actions reflect on each of us. I told her that in the end I support my mothers decisions, not just because she is my mother but because if the situation was reversed I would still support this course of actions.
This ended with my Grandmother telling me how wrong the situation was and how wrong I was for supporting it. After sometime the state of my mother and stepfather became all my grandmother wanted to talk about, I get it that is whats going on in your life so that's what you have to talk about, and I politely but firmly told her I did not want to discuss it with her anymore.
Things escalated when my grandmother found out, I do not know how, that I sent my mother a small amount of money to give her a little breathing room. I should point out that although I had the money, it was not exactly an easy financial decision to make, one I did so only after talking it over with my partner, and that my mother did not ask for any financial assistance. It actually sent the check without informing my mother as she is extremely proud, and I was not aware of just how bad things had become. This infuriated my grandmother, as I had no business meddling in my stepfathers affairs as she put it.
As things stand now my Grandmother refuses to speak to me, and I really do not see any need to make an effort to speak to her. I am not ignoring her but simply not reaching out to speak to her, if for example she called and wanted to speak on any other subject that would be fine, but that has not happened yet.
Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
1wT9W8ZLbIQQa62hNaJ1wF7gfNJHAX8c
|
ap27ya
|
{
"description": "never keeping any gift my mom gives me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for never keeping any gift my mom gives me?
|
I live across the country from my mom and don't see her often. We talk once or twice a week, but a lot of it is surface level small talk. For holidays and birthdays she really tries with the gifts, and I know they're well intentioned, but they just kind of always suck and are super generic. I'm guessing it's because I don't hint to anything I specifically want, and she's not keen enough on my interests to guess. I always wind up throwing out anything she gives me, and while I feel bad sometimes, I literally have no use for any of it. It's almost to the point where I just want to tell her not to bother, but I know she'll get offended. AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
0JYXTSTO7QzmXSpXq8aFEPxbw1fMdTn3
|
a1j0uk
|
{
"description": "breaking up my best friend and his GF",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for breaking up my best friend and his GF
|
Sorry if the formatting is horrible, currently on mobile. TLDR at bottom
I met this really great group of friends I would say about a year ago, and they were really welcoming and we shared a lot of common interests. We didn’t live super close to each other, so most of our communication happened between discord and Skype. My best friend was sorta the “leader” of this group, planned a lot of the meetups etc. Everything was normal for a while, but then a lot of stuff started happening with GF (girlfriend)
I didn’t know GF that well, and I didn’t know whether she was a pathological liar and just wanted to make her life seem more interesting, but she lied about a lot of touchy subjects. (sexual assault, for example) I was really skeptical of a lot of these stories, and to confirm my suspicions, did a quick reverse google search or 2 to find out most of the stuff she was talking about were lies. This was also around the time best friend and girl friend started dating.
I started calling her out on her lies, but being that she was dating BF and he was the leader, everyone took her side and she had a lot of control over the group. Eventually, I stopped getting invited out more and less people talked to me, though BF and I kept talking. GF seemed to be really controlling in the relationship, and apparently threatened suicide if they ever broke up, which made me really concerned for BF. He also really enjoyed anime and visual novels, but she even limited that and reprimanded him for liking any characters that were girls and said “yeah I get it, their prettier than me and you’ll never love me like you love them”
After a while, I decided that enough was enough and I need to do something to break this up. I texted GF and basically called her out to which she denied and became very aggressive towards me. She kept accusing me of breaking up the one thing good in her life and said that I shouldn’t be jealous and that she wasn’t purposely pushing me away, (which was a lie, as she had texted others that she didn’t want us hanging out with me) I sent the convo between me and GF to BF, and told him. He decided to go through with it, and it was a huge mess, GF went off on him and kept on denying the lies which I had proof for, and eventually blocked all of us before a grand old “F*** you!” to me.
She ghosted is, but everyone has been really concerned she killed herself or something, and the mood of the group has been down ever since. I eventually found out she isn’t dead and that she made new accounts for everything, but our attempts to reach her have been hopeless. I feel horrible for ruining a friendship and making the overall mood of the group sad, but the relationship was very controlling and emotionally abusive
AITA?
TLDR : GF was emotionally abusive and blocked me from group, I told BF to break up with her, mess happens and people blame me, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
EG6c5mNLRkzNX1Keyu3YwpeclS5ockpM
|
b35jby
|
{
"description": "pointing out a safety hazard to a client",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for pointing out a safety hazard to a client
|
I work in an engineering contracting firm. I pointed out a safety hazard to a client which was beyond the scope of our contract. I emphasized this to the client that it is not within our scope but they should really look into rectifying the problem.
When my superior found out he reprimanded me for being a smart ass. He does not want to add any further scope to the project even if the client is willing to pay extra for it.
I explained that this is a safety hazard. If an accident were to occur, someone might get hurt or killed. It will be on my conscience if I kept quiet about the problem. He brushed that off by saying it is the client's problem, not our's.
So AITA, or is this superior just trying to weasel his way out of more responsibility?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
8WVdetP7Fdrdf1fqu27Hfe28HRQQowQg
|
b034w9
| null |
AITA - Friend disappears after expressing my thoughts and then comes back acting like nothing happened.
|
AITA because I have just cut off contact after a recent interaction between my friend and I because I felt like he was a complete dick for ghosting me then making fun of my feelings. On Jan 21, 2019, I found a lump in my breast and subsequently was diagnosed with Triple-Negative Stage 2 Breast Cancer (Yes, I literally have cancer unlike those in some of my favorite posts on r/ChoosingBeggars or r/entitledparents and no I don't want a discount on your stuff).
Yet, with cancer, I can tell you the thing I have found I have hated the most is people either giving me advice based on what happened with their friend/relative/acquaintance/some random person they heard of who had cancer. I figured he knew me after 10 years and that I didn't need another opinion on what I should watch or what I should read or who I should talk to but then my buddy did just that. He goes and recommends, after having a shit birthday which he never even bothered to say Happy Birthday, that I should go watch YouTube videos of a popular guy who had and ended up dying of cancer. So I proceeded to tell him exactly what I felt about that suggestion.
That ended up with him not talking to me and after 2 weeks I wrote him a last ditch message on how sh\*\*ty I thought it was to just ghost my a\*\* but hopefully that his life goes however he wanted. He finally responded to that a week later but I just had Round 2 of Chemo 5 days before and was pretty much a zombie and had no patience for it so responded that way. Then I get a message on Friday 3/8 to hang out so him basically just ignoring everything that happened the past 3 weeks. I never answered that one.
Even though I have done my best to explain this, face it, this is reddit and screenshots are always preferred so here we go:
\[Imgur\]([https://i.imgur.com/IrNhe62.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/IrNhe62.jpg))
\[Imgur\]([https://i.imgur.com/63i67Wc.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/63i67Wc.jpg))
\[Imgur\]([https://i.imgur.com/jJvkHd7.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/jJvkHd7.jpg))
\[Imgur\]([https://i.imgur.com/4seKZhc.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/4seKZhc.jpg))
\[Imgur\]([https://i.imgur.com/OadICj0.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/OadICj0.jpg))
\[Imgur\]([https://i.imgur.com/T5NK9uF.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/T5NK9uF.jpg))
\[Imgur\]([https://i.imgur.com/u73oR9f.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/u73oR9f.jpg))
\[Imgur\]([https://i.imgur.com/uNuaYbO.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/uNuaYbO.jpg))
\[Imgur\]([https://i.imgur.com/68E486D.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/68E486D.jpg))
\[Imgur\]([https://i.imgur.com/y4WVGyj.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/y4WVGyj.jpg))
\[Imgur\]([https://i.imgur.com/LnvBUWn.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/LnvBUWn.jpg))
\[Imgur\]([https://i.imgur.com/AlpFDpB.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/AlpFDpB.jpg))
​
So reddit, Am I The Asshole in this situation? Let me say that if I am, I am not against apologizing or do I see everything up to now as a good run and let him go live a life that no longer includes me?
Thanks ahead for your time in judging this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
h8hTyuNlV5wmAxYRQSEV2QyglhD4jvnZ
|
azxc8z
| null |
AITA for not movong to let someone stand next to me at a parade?
|
2 weeks ago I went to some Mardi Gras parades (a lot of small parades use the same route and go before bigger parades). For one of them there was a woman who wasn't rude to me or anything, but when she asked me to move, I said no. I was with 6 other people, my parents and four of my siblings and I didn't want to get squished in. There was also another family next to us and I didn't want them to squish either. The kids that had been with them and next to me looked around 7-9. I also didn't know how she would act during the parade and I didn't want to rush having her catch throws that were for me or the kids next to me. She still managed to squeeze in next to me, so I caught everything that came close to me, maybe even some stuff that was meant for her. Afterward, she goes to her friends who had been behind my group and started talking about me calling me an asshole and a bitch. I also noticed that the other family had left that spot. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
SDhaiknNueTyzjsDA7dB98MljruAZizp
|
alauhe
|
{
"description": "not wanting to listen to my mum vent about me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to listen to my mum vent about me?
|
Happened yesterday, and this happens frequently, so I’d like to know how some opinions on it.
My mum picked me up from my Dad’s yesterday to save me getting the bus back. Somewhere along the line, I made an offhand comment and it talked into a talk about me being trans.
(For details, socially transitioned over two years ago and have my first adult GIC appointment really soon.)
It started with my mum saying that she didn’t want to go on hormones. Fair. I get that. I’m sick of hearing it, but it’s at least a legitimate concern.
Then it went on to discussions of me as a child. My mum likes to cherry pick, and was talking about how normal I was as a kid. I’ve learnt there’s nothing you can say to contradict her or she will go off the rails.
Then, after ten minutes of being pissed off steadily, came the kicker.
‘I feel like that little girl is dead. I’m grieving for my child.’
I hate that. For more context, I was really ill and could easily have died a few years ago, so this really rankles me the wrong way. I asked her if she thought I was an imposter, then, and she listed off ways I am worse now.
I got fed up and snapped. I told her that if she wanted to complain about me, not to do it to me. I already listen to her problems a lot (always have done) but this stuff is just not okay to say to me. She got angry and said she was allowed to have feelings.
We got saved eventually by McDonald’s.
Am I the asshole? Should I be listening to my mum’s complaints about me? Or is my mum the asshole for saying stuff like that?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
dLPvxKiIHB0WiAYoDMmYzs8NsJYF5vyN
|
aud8sn
|
{
"description": "dropping a friendship I have with a recent close friend of mine",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA to drop a friendship I have with a recent close friend of mine?
|
Hi, throwaway because she reddits.
I (21F) have a friend (20F) in the same club and we both have club positions (secretary/historian), so we often meet each other a lot and must see each other for the meetings and social events.
We only gotten close recently and started hanging outside of our positions in spring semester, were on neutral terms in the fall. As we have gotten closer, I have noticed some things that concerns me:
* She owes me and my SO money (not a lot, less than $100 for movie tickets, snacks, fast food, boba), says she would Venmo/Apple pay us, never does.
* Asks for alcohol because I'm of legal age, says she would pay me back or "get" me next time, never does.
* Flakes - she makes plans and then changes the time we meet up several times, sometimes she cancels an hour before.
* I smoke, so she constantly asks for a cig. If my SO is around, she asks for his vape (almost always if we are at a party and she's drinking).
​
She's social and nice, that's why we became friends since we're the opposites, but I'm graduating this semester and I want to end the friendship or go back to being friendly but not close ASAP.
WIBTA to drop our recently close friendship?
​
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
AMaZYIUeWpgBNZvevbySgzvgrJqpl67k
|
aily9c
|
{
"description": "leaving the girl I was seeing without properly telling her",
"pronormative_score": 32,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for leaving the girl I was seeing without properly telling her?
|
I was seeing a girl for just over 3 months, we would see each other roughly 4-5 times a week so it was quite often I saw her. We did a lot of fun activities in this time that it was like we were dating, but not with the official "relationship' tag yet. We had talked about this quite heavily and we were going to wait until sometime in the early new year (this year), we both wanted to wait until this year so it was all mutual. We both were quite regularly in each other's lives that we had met friends and parents etc.
​
But now on to the question, it was New Year's Eve (just been) and we had already agreed to a plan that I would hang out with my friends earlier on in the day for a few drinks and then we would catch up together when we went out for the night life. Once it got to New Year's Eve she tried to persuade me to spend the whole day with her without getting to see my friends at all & I of course said no, because this was the plan for my friends and I before I started seeing her.
​
She didn't like this answer and told me that she didn't wanted to speak to me (just for not wanting to spend the whole day with her when I was going to see her later on in the night anyway). I tried reasoning but to no avail. I put on a happy face and had a good New Years. I then wake up on New Years day to a text from her telling me that she was really sorry and that she kissed someone last night, and that she would do anything for my forgiveness. I was upset but I wasn't going to let a little kiss (presumably when she was drunk) ruin the amount of time we've spent together. So we sorted it out, but 2 days later I found out that she also had sex with this person from a mutual friend early morning. Since she wasn't staying at mine that night I sent her a text message about it and she told me everything, my very last response to her was "I don't know what to say anymore", I was in utter shock. I didn't contact her again.
​
Am I The Asshole for not telling her that I didn't want to continue what we had? It's been twenty-ish days since this happened and I still feel guilty I didn't properly tell her. Also keep in mind that she has tried contacting me a few times since then & that we weren't technically in a relationship but I still was 100% invested in her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
Q2J90tNMf923ZwLdtbqP0JWek3KW9mvw
|
b4jyfu
|
{
"description": "ghosting my ex after his dad died",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ghosting my ex after his dad died?
|
I dated my ex, "Tom" for 9 years. For the most part our relationship was amazing, but I hit a rough personal spot a couple years in & had to process some trauma/issues. Tom loaned me money to pay my rent/food and did his best to support me through all of it, but it changed the dynamic of our relationship in a fairly negative way. Over time, my anxiety and depression progressed to the point where I had trouble leaving the house without having a panic attack and I leaned heavily on his willingness to help me avoid dealing with my problems. It took me over 6mo to get back on my feet & start paying him back (to the tune of about $10k) which left him feeling taken advantage of (and me feeling like a piece of shit).
​
However, back then Tom didn't really understand depression as an illness. He was convinced that I should just be able to 'decide' to change things, and that by not doing so it just meant I didn't care enough. So while I remember feeling very lost, ashamed, and in crisis - in his mind, I was just being lazy or manipulative. He's not an awful guy by any stretch, just very action-oriented.
​
Unsurprisingly, the situation fostered a lot of resentment in both of us. Even when I was eventually able to claw my way into a good place both personally and professionally, I couldn't share that progress with Tom because I was still dealing with the emotional fallout of his resentment & disbelief that depression was really a thing.
​
I broke up with him about 2 years ago, and shortly after, his dad passed away. It happened suddenly and I tried to drop everything and support him, regardless. Things were okay for the first couple weeks, but eventually he started talking about being depressed. I don't know why, but it was kind of hard to see the concept suddenly legitimized only when he started to struggle with it.
​
I tried not to think about it, but I started to notice myself veering dangerously towards the same old depression cliff - and I spent weeks stuck in this tug-of-war weighing my own personal mental health against my desire to not be awful. In the end, I distanced myself, and more or less abandoned him to deal with his grief on his own. The thought of it still wrecks me.
​
Flash forward to now: Tom has been trying to rekindle a friendship and he's said he forgives me for what happened, and apologized not supporting me more years ago - but I just can't shake the feeling that I did something unforgivably selfish. Am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
NnuQ4pAuyNjuourErJ6RsIOj4yrTd8PP
|
axsmlm
|
{
"description": "writing a joke on my dorm room whiteboard",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for writing a joke on my dorm room whiteboard?
|
So I attend university, currently living in a singles dorm. We have white boards next to our rooms, and on mine I usually write awful jokes or puns. Last week I wrote "Netflix and Clinical Depression" on my board.
Well I got an email yesterday, turns out a student working on security saw my board Friday night and tried knocking on my door. Unfortunately I was at work so I had no idea. I was then reported to the Resident Hall Director.
I got the email notifying I had to meet with her because of this yesterday. I then sent an email that read as such:
​
"Hello RHD's Name
My name is AaronBurrSer and I have an incident report for a message on my room board. It read "Netflix and Clinical Depression". I just did this as a joke and a play on the "Netflix and Chill" meme. A security guard was worried and tried to knock on my door at around 10:30 Friday night, but I was working my 9pm-2am shift at my on campus job so I wasn't available to answer.
I have since changed my sign to a Vine quote, with no indication of mental issues. I didn't make the joke as belittlement of mental issues or indicative of my own mental state. I know how serious those issues are and I do have a support system in place for when I am having mental health issues.
I was wondering if we could forgo the meeting for tomorrow. If you still feel the need to meet I am able to do so.
Thanks,
AaronBurrSer"
​
She then replied we still had to do the meeting. So we met today, went over the same stuff I essentially said in the email. Then she starts telling me I should have thought of the impact it might have on someone. I replied that my floor mates thought it was funny, and if they had an issue they could have and would have told me. She said I had no idea if someone was too afraid to speak up and I just told her no one's ever been afraid to tell me if I go too far and I have always been open to criticism. Now she wants me to submit a 2-page paper on the impact I could have had on my floor community by posting that. Which, considering I am a 23 year old man paying thousands of dollars to be here, makes me feel infuriated and embarrassed due to how "middle school" it all feels. Part of me is pissed the security guard didn't just leave a note, erase my board, or ask my RA to talk to me about it. I felt I had made the right actions to repair and correct the situation, and feel a mountain has been made out of a molehill. Still, I recognize my own perception can be flawed, so am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
XrJ7eqk6aPltq86AVBkyR7236AG6qdkq
|
ayen3a
|
{
"description": "not dropping everything to pick up my girlfriend from school",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not dropping everything to pick up my girlfriend from school?
|
So I am on spring break but the school my girlfriend goes to is still in session this week. Today while I was playing a video game she asked me to come pick her up within 10 minutes of her class ending. She had a different schedule than normal and the time she finished class was much earlier than usual, on top of this, we did not make plans for me to pick her up today. After I requested to finish the game I was in because if I left I would be banned, she got upset and just said she would take the bus so "I could just play my game." I told her I wanted to make it work so if she could just wait a few extra minutes I would be there to get her, she told me no again. At this point I was getting upset because I didn't like her tone toward me, she was being rude. She explained that no matter what she would drop everything and anything in my situation and I don't really feel like that's fair to say because she is probably just saying that to prove her point. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
Wdy1Q1uCrFr5Cq12DOVdnxe3ufgymUe2
|
b28erm
|
{
"description": "not wanting my cousin to use my deceased mom's phone",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my cousin to use my deceased mom’s phone?
|
My cousins phone broke and she needed a phone to use. I have my moms old iPhone at my aunts house, and my cousin just decided to take the iPhone to use for herself. She didn’t ask me if they could use it, and I don’t have my dad around for them to ask.
I feel kind of protective of my moms stuff and I don’t want anyone to just use it whenever they like, especially if it’s something as my mom’s phone with personal stuff on there. My cousin also has a history of dropping phones, so that’s in the mix.
I haven’t told them not to use my moms phone because everyone else in my family thinks it’s fine but I just don’t like it. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
EHdO1soHetzyWz844HBji746ruFcacpM
|
azz2yo
|
{
"description": "telling my boss that my colleague is doing nothing",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I tell my boss that my colleague is doing nothing ?
|
So,
My colleague and I joined along with 3 others last January. We were in training for about a month and got to know each other and started a mission in February.
So far all have been good except for my colleague. I'll call him Mr. Ananas (and not pineapple). Him and I were the most junior (although I has some prior experience) so we had the base salary.
Him and I have been put on the same project, this is an office job so we sit net to each other and work on laptops all day... Well work.... Mr Ananas is on 9Gag, Discord, soundcloud or youtube most of the day, if he's not then he's on his phone... the worst part is, when I look his way, he's quick to just switch tab to a blank google page as though I was a teacher or something like that. I've been there when I was in school so I kinda understand but I'm not his superior and I'm not his teacher, I frankly don't care what he does !
​
...until 12 days ago... two things pissed me off: First, we had some checkpoint with the superiors and we were 10 days late (2 weeks) the project was started about 15 days ago and we were still a little bit training so we were supposed to have 10 days of work each. I had 9.5 and he had like 0.75... If we are late, I or the manager will have to work extra to complete the thing before deadline and I don't want that. Second, I had my paycheck and the thought of him having the same pay as me while doing nothing but staring at his screen and going on discord really pissed me off. Also, him being a dead cost for the company is at least unethical.
​
Now. about being late on the project, I managed to catchup last week and he started to work a little, basically I'm at 18 days or so (yep, 8 days of work in 5 days) and he is at like 4... We'll manage to end the project in time. He will be sent to an other project after so I won't have to work with him anymore very soon.
An other thing, he was received in my boss's office to know how he was getting along and such. basically they thing he has some bad time adapting and want to give him more time/opportunities, also I think it was meant to give him some warning as to work more. This last part wasn't very effective... He's still doing the same things.
Now, I am not his superior or anything, I had friendly relation with him before working with him and I don't want to be an asshole. That said, there are some good arguments to be made in favor of telling on him.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
i0xNeSwrUEcs6ZPdUV8r34Jg7NBO3cwt
|
anieyq
|
{
"description": "breaking my classmates phone",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for breaking my classmates phone
|
So first things first this happened about 1.5 weeks ago also in finland high school refers to students aged 12-16(12-13 - 15-16) +/- taking grades twice and this is on mobile so, sorry
Anyway my class was messing around during class since we had this teacher who was bad at controlling students and what hapoened was i pulled on my classmates beanie which had his phone in it (I didnt know before it was a second too late) and the phone went flying.
It got a minor crack on the edge of the screen and it startled us both i started getting s#|t form most of my class which was mostly:
"you need to pay for that" and along those lines (since im not popular) to add he was using it even though you're not supposed to (kinda obvious) so of course the teacher takes the side of the majority which obviously makes them more confident. And im still kinda getting shit for it now everytime anybody brings it up
Im not asking for any help on bullying since everyone gets around the same treatment
But they told our classwatch (the person in charge of the class.,usually not the actual teacher) and hes going to talk about it with the principal if i really need to pay for it
I can expand on things if you have questions
TL;DR: i broke classmates phone on accident and probably have to pay for it (also kinda in a hurry)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
2TYdALJomspJpzS8irpYp2jfqwgmZJXz
|
b77za6
|
{
"description": "not studying all day every day",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not studying all day every day
|
Context: I'm a 16 y/o male in a boarding school, by choice because I can't stand living with my mother, my father I can deal with. I have depression, I can't cope with stress at all and I may have un-diagnosed anxiety, but I don't think so.
​
I have 2 assignments due coming up within the next 7 days, My mum expects me to be studying and getting these completed, on a Saturday, all day. Since I live in a boarding environment I know exactly how much work others have been doing, and I am doing just as much as everyone else, my grades are suffering. Last year I *barely* passed with Merit (NCEA, NZ curriculum) we have Achieved Merit and Excellence, so it's roughly top 40 ish % I think. Now because it's a boarding school my parents are paying a pretty penny, but they both have stable jobs and are choosing to build a new house, I fully support them as we sold our last house for a $400k (NZD) profit, after a lengthy legal battle with my fathers employer which cost us significantly.
My mum & dad want me to give my mum my assignments to 'proof read' I've done this once before with a history essay last year, she hi-jacked it and got me an excellence mark (pretty much an A/A+) I'm thankful for this, I truly am, but she then gets angry for me not doing anything, and I swear with this current assignment she said something on the lines of *I will take care of it you worry about your other assignment*. Then she called me today asking why I haven't done anything on it, (it's a Saturday) and why I've not done much work (I've been doing other assignments due at the same time.) I want to have a weekend, a life, friends, socialize which is something I need to do as an extrovert and socializing really helps me stay positive with depression and stress etc, but again she doesn't know this.
I Just don't think I can cope with school, I find it to stressful, I used to be a 'Grade A' student, top 10%, but over the past year I've just been *incapable*, every time I get given work and I sit down at night to do it (it's regimented, 7-8:30 every night minimum prep time) I look at my screen and I just can't. I have a breakdown inside or something just stops working, I just want to run away from my work and pretend it doesn't exist.
I already am going to avoid university and any form of desk job, once upon a time I wanted to be a software engineer, but I've decided that all I want to be in life is happy, I don't care if I'm poor if I have enough money that I'm happy and I job I am passionate for I will be happy.
​
So... AITA?
TL;DR: I can't cope with stress, mum is pissed that I don't study for the entirety (I don't believe it either, she means the **whole** weekend) of the weekend.
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
RsD9egeGYlvpGPyWA1bpCvvA4omS0lTn
|
adxokk
|
{
"description": "not shaking a man's hand",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA if I didn't shake a man's hand
|
Every year, my girlfriend\[F35\] and I\[M36\] participate in her company's golf tournament. There's like 150 people there. Some playing golf. Some helping out with food and drink and such.
A colleague of her's is this guy, Gary. She and I have been in social situations before with Gary and we both just do not like this guy. He's a meathead gymbro alpha type. Which is fine. Up to the date of the forthcoming story, he'd never directly been a dick to either one of us but he just wasn't the kind of person we'd hang out with. Now, he *had* been really awful to my GF's friend in the past by promising her sex then laughing and backing out of the arrangement when the friend tried to get intimate. That was really awful but I wasn't there so, who knows?
Anyhow, on the day of the golf tournament last year, Gary wasn't playing golf. He was selling raffle tickets on the 11th tee. Now, for context, know that this golf tournament is a booze-soaked affair and just about everyone was toasted pretty nicely at around 1:30 in the afternoon. GF and I approach Gary and another colleague. Drunken pleasantries are exchanged, no one is rude or anything, yadda yadda yadda, Gary offers my GF a ride in his golf cart. But, she'd have to stand on the back and hang on because both front seats were occupied. Apparently, in her drunken state, this seemed like a good idea. After the fact, she said she was doing it "to be nice."
So, they tear off in the cart, GF standing on the back. They don't go 100 feet before Gary quickly cuts the wheel and tips the cart over. GF falls off the back and goes rolling. Gary is of course laughing his ass off at what he's done. He was safely seated in the front so he's mostly unharmed. GF has some scrapes on her elbows and bruised legs. FORTUNATELY, no serious damage. She walks away fine. I immediately just went to GF to make sure she's OK. She vigorously assures me that she's OK then starts pushing me towards the next tee because I have that beer-infused confident fire in my eyes that says, "I need to have words with this guy."
Instead, we all just move on and forget about it.
Well, this year's golf tournament is coming up and this guy is going to be there and he's probably going to want to do his gymbro thug hug when he sees us. WIBTA if I just ignored him completely?
TL:DR: WIBTA if I snubbed a guy who tipped over a golf cart my girlfriend was riding on?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
FieGAD3WbrL5mwWvJIHt1pKCcdl2VN3R
|
b8obfi
|
{
"description": "getting upset my boyfriend didn't get me anything while he was out",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for getting upset my boyfriend didn't get me anything while he was out?
|
I feel like since I have no friends I'm going to be posting here a lot I'm sorry... Anyways... also sorry I'm on Mobile.
I got some money for my birthday, my boyfriend and I were a bit tight on funds so I offered it for things we needed so he wouldn't be so stressed. He felt bad and said so several times, I said no worries just surprise me with little things here and there like little birthday presents and I'll love that! He happily agreed.
Today he gets a bit of extra cash from selling something, he almost leaves it at home before going out but then comes back in and takes some of it and winks at me and says he'll need this.
He comes back with stuff in his hands. A backpack for his camping trip in a month. I assume there's stuff inside. There isn't. He explains he didn't know what to get me so he said he decided to come back and talk to me about what I wanted. I wanted to be surprised so I didn't know what to say. He asked if I wanted him to go to the thrift store to get me tshirts (something I would love) but said I've also been wanting to go, so he asked me if I wanted to go with him instead. I'm sick and haven't been wanting to go anywhere the past day and a half so I try explaining like I'd love to go but I don't feel like going and like also I wanted it to be like more of a surprise.
He then tells me we'll go Thursday when I'm feeling better and then says he's gonna go get us something to eat and gets up. I'm a weak woman guys, I accidentally let a couple tears fall. I'm sick, I haven't been able to sleep and I've been feeling terrible lately just physically and emotionally so I didn't mean to and I tried to wipe them away before he saw but he did.
He got mad and asked what was wrong and I tried explaining in a calm voice that I was just a bit disappointed cause he made it seem like he was going to surprise me with something when he got back, told me the things he thought about getting me (a video game, shirts, boxing gear, all I would have loved!!), didn't get me anything and instead got something for himself and that I was just a bit hurt.
My voice cracked a little though and he can't deal with me crying so he cut me off saying he knew this was going to happen and then stormed out of the house.
I know I shouldn't have started crying I know I need to grow up and stop being a cry baby, but was I the asshole for being upset?
I'm going to apologize for crying when he gets back but what else should I say or do?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
xUGy5oUDAWOjV5ctXlGdrQZCDmdFvKnz
|
atwbdj
|
{
"description": "not wanting to share",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for not wanting to share
|
My spouse and I are at an impasse over my not wanting to share.
Some relevant background first: we have two kids (5&2), we've been together off and on for around 7 1/2 years (mostly on). And we're smokers.
Now for the entirety of our children's lives I share my stuff with them. That's not an issue. We would order pizzas (3 because they have a deal and we like left overs) I would get one with toppings I like, spouse would get one he likes and then the other would be for the kids. I would normally eat total about half my pizza, the kids would switch between mine and there's (fine with me) and he would ear all of his some of the kids and the rest of mine... Okay sure that's fine.
We get cases of pop and don't I've the kids any, so I expect half the case to be mine to drink as I please and the other half his. He'll blow through his (an admitted bad habit) and then start on mine.
We'll get a pack of smokes and he'll blow through a bunch while im sleeping and then smoke the last one... Which bugs me because if I did that he'd be mad.
So just in the last two days, we had some people over so I expected if we shared anything it would come out of both our portions. Out of a case of pop he had a bunch, his friend had a bunch and I had two cans. Annoying but okay. Last night, his friends stopped by supposedly for a minute, he asked if I wanted to offer them some of the pizza we had delivered (showed up just before friends did) I said no because I only had a medium (pizza place screwed up the order, they're discounting our next one) and would be sharing with the kids for lunch today. I went to change the baby and get him resettled to bed and when I come back one of the friends are eating some of pizza... Later in the night when I asked spouse about it he said he offered his own and she didn't like his because of the jalapenos he gets on his so he offered mine instead.. wouldn't have been an issue except I already said no..
And then before bed we had two smokes left, one of his and one of mine. He had his, I didn't have mine, was saving it for later. I dozed a little and when I woke up went for my smoke. It was gone. First he said he didn't know it was mine and thought it was a splitter. But he didn't wake me to see if wanted to split it or ask if he could just have it. This has turned into a huge argument because I'm tired of having to share literally everything all the time. I don't get anything that's just mine. He thinks I'm being selfish.
Am I the asshole for not wanting to share?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
JW954aV4LYBiHsVwnogEedvYPPj8n3CP
|
b94gsq
|
{
"description": "ruining (not on purpose) my sister's marriage",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for ruining (not on purpose) my sister's marriage?
|
A few months ago, I caught my sister’s husband in bed with another girl, both naked. It was during a Christmas party at our mutual friend’s house. My sister was spending the holiday with my parents. Due to our works, my brother-in-law and I would only join them on New Year’s Eve.
I confronted him about it and he told me he had no idea what had really happened that night since he was so drunk. He also told me that the girl I had caught him in bed with had been obsessed with him since high school and ‘will do anything to win his heart’. But he has never had feelings for her let alone slept with her. He loves my sister and their son so much. He believes, based on this obsession, she had slipped something in his drinks. At least that’s what he told me. I couldn't tell if he was lying or telling the truth.
I told him that whatever might have happened that night, he still gotta tell my sister because that’s what a married couple should do. And I believed my sister will be able to tell if he’s telling the truth or not. He promised he would when the time is right.
The following weeks, I found out he had not told my sister about it though. So I decided to do what I thought was the right thing to do. My sister flew off the handle when I told her and proceeded to file for a divorce. I encouraged her to sit down and talk about it with him. What if it was not his fault? What if the girl had indeed drugged him so she could force herself on him? But my sister told me that it was not the first time that he had cheated on her. He had once been involved with a sex worker during the 2nd year of their marriage.
He called me afterwards and confronted me and blamed me for ruining his marriage. He also told me that he had indeed cheated on her years ago but she forgave him. This time though, it was not something he had wanted to happen, but she refused to believe him now. To make me feel even worse, I recently found out that the girl he was caught in bed with, is indeed mentally unstable and obsessive and has had history of drug abuse. But no matter what I say to my sister, she will not change her mind. Now I think I believe my brother in law that he did not cheat on my sister the second time with that girl. Am I The Asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 29,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 30,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
k77v5QHBPFATwd3O9uWUdi14LirRHxLX
|
a953fq
|
{
"description": "calling out on Christmas Eve",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling out on Christmas Eve
|
I work at a residential treatment facility for kids with behavioral issues. I’ve dealt with my fair share of shitty situations (literally), usually work 70+ hour weeks, and am losing my mind trying to manage my unit (which is absolute chaos right now).
I’m in unsafe situations almost every day and am honestly used to it; however, today an oppositional and defiant kid threw a packet of SALT in my eyes. It was seemingly out of nowhere, I had just prompted him to sit in his seat while he eats. He was in my face and he threw it at me. And it really fucking hurt. I was alone in the cafe with 6 of my boys and (because I’m a small, young girl) I do my best not to show that things bother me. But this did. More than when I got bronchitis from a kid spitting in my face last week. More than when I got a chunk of my hair pulled out while in a restraint weeks ago. And when this kid got upset and said my not accepting his apology makes him feel bad, I said he SHOULD feel bad because that means he’s holding himself accountable for his actions. Even his negative ones.
Anyway, my evening went on to consist of 7 more physical restraints for unrelated incidents with other kids (though the salt incident would have warranted one if I could have seen/do anything at that moment). I usually leave work exhausted, but ready for the next crazy day. But today I just left angry. I left irritated and fed up, and mentally and physically unprepared do this same shit again tomorrow. So I called out for the morning. And I feel guilty because that means an overnight staff will be mandated to work in my place on Christmas Eve. But I’m trying to tell myself that it’s okay to think about myself and my needs right now, especially after getting salt thrown in my fucking eyes tonight. Because they still burn 10 hours later.
So AITA for calling out on Christmas Eve?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
JvGuq06Dpq3P7vSVuZqCM4MuYIskm9dl
|
9x0yob
|
{
"description": "calling out an indie game developer for going on vacation while releasing and charging money for unfinished/unpolished content",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for calling out an indie game developer for going on vacation while releasing and charging money for unfinished/unpolished content?
|
For the record, this happened about 7 months ago, but from what I'm seeing nobody else in the game's community has ever criticized the developer for this, nor has the developer ever acknowledged this.
So a while back (about 7 months ago, like I said), an indie fighting game I enjoy playing released and update with two new DLC characters for purchase. One was relatively well-polished, perhaps a bit too strong, but it was clear that the developers had tested him rather thoroughly and that he was in a state ready for release. The other... about as polished as 12-grit sandpaper.
It's hard to go into detail without explicitly revealing the game or the developer, but take my word for it when I say the character was a buggy, unbalanced mess. She had a move that could easily be abused in a way that could kill almost anyone from 0 damage after landing it just once, making it completely overpowered. At the same time, almost every other move she had was incredibly underpowered, making it so that players had no choice but to use the overpowered move if they didn't want to be completely crushed. (Note that this isn't just my opinion; just about everyone, including the people I was arguing against, agree that this character was a complete mess on release day.)
These were on top of numerous bugs, and even crashes related to the patch as a whole, one in particular making so that one of the most popular adapters for one of the most popular controllers used by the community just *outright stopped working*.
Shortly before the update, the lead developer had started a week-long trip to Hawaii with his family. He gave the very small group of beta testers for the game only ONE day to test the second character before she released, whereas the first had been available to them for a few months by that point. This being an indie game, *he* was the one who decided to organize things this way; not any publisher, not some board of directors, just this one guy. Some tired to argue that the developer worked hard and deserved a break, excusing the vacation's timing. While I agree that him taking a vacation is not an issue in of itself, he had total freedom to delay his product as long as he needed in order to finish it, but he chose to shove it out the door right before he'd be gone for a full week. This caused a some significant problems for the other dev team members, as they were unable to start working on a new patch without the lead developer, leaving the players with a buggy mess of a game for over a week.
Now to his credit, the lead developer did get to work on fixing things as soon as he got home from Hawaii, but he was completely silent about the situation. Going through his posts on Twitter, Reddit, and the game's official Discord server, you'd think that the whole thing never happened. The community seemed to just forget the issue as well as soon as the new patch came out a few days later. I'll admit I didn't even think much about it at the time, but now I really wish I had.
After taking a break from the game for a few months, I came back and realized the lead developer seemed to have mostly gotten away with this without any real consequences I could see. The character he released was in a much, much better place, and the controller issues had long since been fixed, but I couldn't help but feel that the fact that the developer didn't seem to have anything to say over his decisions didn't seem right to me. The game is not an early access/beta title, but it is still being actively developed, and has a bonus/deluxe edition and Nintendo Switch port coming out sometime next year. In my eyes, because the lead developer sold us unfinished content once and never seemed to show any sort of regret over it it, the community should be skeptical of those future releases and and any other games he makes further down the line, because he can get away with doing it again if people will pay for it anyway. Now when I tried and tell people in the game's community all this, they defended him and claimed I was being unreasonable.
Paraphrased, the arguments they used against me included:
* Because it's been 7 months now, it's no longer relevant to bring up.
* The issues with the character have been fixed, so it doesn't matter if they were released in a bad state or not.
* The lead developer has learned his lesson, and the proof is that he has since released another DLC character that was actually finished and much more polished than the previous one.
* If the lead developer addressed it now, it'd just create a lot unnecessary drama, which will distract him from further improving the game.
* I'm focusing far too much on the negative and should be grateful for the good things the developer has done.
* The DLC was only $5, so it's not worth getting worked up over.
And my respective counter arguments are:
* The topic is still relevant to the game's continued development and upcoming re-releases. What happened 7 months ago with that highly anticipated character can happen again with the new editions/ports if we let the developers get away with it, and it'll be our money on the line.
* We were still sold an incomplete character. Even if they're much more polished now, we didn't pay for a polished character six months from release. We paid for a complete character the day it was released.
* Just because the lead developer released *one* good character after selling us a blatantly unfinished one doesn't mean he learned anything, especially since that particular character is licensed from a third party, so there was more reason to make them not complete garbage at launch in order to stay friendly with the original owners. Unless the developer himself explicitly says he won't do it again, we won't know whether or not he will.
* If people react badly to what he did, he probably deserves it. It's not right to knowingly sell people a product that isn't finished while pretending that it is finished. And as far as distracting him, I'll bet money that any real conflict caused by an apology would go away after about two weeks at the longest. Honestly, by the end of it he even might get praise for admitting to a poor decision.
* I focus on the negative because this wasn't just some simple mistake, but a very deliberate decision on the part of the lead developer. It's true that the developer has far more good on his track record than bad, but it was him who decided it was a good idea to release that character as they were and charge his fans for them. If he was willing to do that to people who are so incredibly loyal to him and his game, that gives plenty of reason to be skeptical of his business practices in the future.
* It's not very expensive, sure, but $5 is still $5. Besides, there's still the moral issue of misleading your customers even if the cost is low. The character was presented as finished in the trailer they made for them, despite that not at all being the case. Regardless of the price, if you take someone's money and don't provide what you said you would, it's not right.
In the end the debate went nowhere and I was told to just drop it, but I can't but feel baffled by how much these people are defending this developer. I'm pretty sure a more well known studio would get roasted alive over something like this, but people just don't seem to care, or get genuinely upset by the idea of being critical of this developer. Are my arguments valid? Am I the asshole for thinking that we should criticize and be skeptical of the developer?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
4r545x4lapzuZvKCUwAlxe0t2RL1ZYzc
|
are8di
|
{
"description": "not visiting my grandmother",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not visiting my grandmother
|
AITA for not visiting my grandmother in her retirement home?
TLDR: Said my goodbyes to my grandmother a couple of years ago, she pulled through miraculously and is now in a retirement home. Due to a strained relationship I think me visiting will barely mean anything.
Hey all, sorry for the long story and for any spelling/grammar mistakes (not a native speaker).
I've (27m) never had a great relationship with my grandmother. I think I've seen her a total of 10 times in the last 20 year. Her and my mom never got along well, and my father isn't one to see his family a lot (sometimes it would even be years where I would not see his side of the family, even though my mom said he should contact them).
About 9 years ago I broke off contact with my father (not important why, but I was mostly TA there for placing most of the blame of my parent's divorce on him).
6 years later, my grandmother (his mother) was hospitalized and we were almost certain she wouldn't get out of the hospital alive. I was kinda shocked when my dad called me with the news, especially since we didn't get along that well yet. Anyway, I made arrangements with my brother to visit my grandmother & father. We said our goodbyes (wasn't anything emotional, but she was happy we were there). Eventually my grandmother did get better and got out of the hospital and could even live on her own.
Last year she surprisingly showed up at my brother's wedding, but she was notably older and dementing. She kept confusing me and my brother and kept saying how happy she was for me and how beautiful my girlfriend was. I tried to correct her a couple of times, but eventually gave up and went along with it and so did my gf. It was very awkward for me, even though I realize it was mostly her dementia.
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago. She was hospitalized again, this time even more serious. She still came out of there alive, but could certainly not take care of herself anymore. My father and aunts decided that it would be better for her to live in a retirement home. Her dementia is now even worse, so on some days she doesn't remember what happened and it takes some time for her to understand what's happening. He did notice that she was visibly more alive when people came and visited her.
This (finally) brings me to my current problem. On the one hand, I don't feel the need to visit her. I don't have a great connection with her, nor with my father. I also felt like the first goodbye was a nice closure, for me at least, and the wedding was a nice bonus. I also doubt she would recognize me or remember me the next day.
On the other hand I feel bad, since it is my father's mother. Now, the relationship of me and my father is slowly getting better, but still not how it should be between a father and a son. Me visiting her would maybe not mean much to me, but it could prolong her life/make it a bit nicer, and would be a nice gesture towards my dad.
Soo WIBTA here?
Yaay, you made it to the end. Thanks for reading!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Nr4ZoYTP9QsrTpXknSLYMeYBtJob1JgY
|
a96zv2
|
{
"description": "wanting my husband to slow down",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for wanting my husband to slow down??
|
Presently on the NJ turnpike with my husband and 18 yr old son. My husband is driving 80 mph which always makes me nervous. I have asked him repeatedly to not go above 75 mph but he and my son think that I’m being the asshole and that he should be able to drive in the left lane with the flow of traffic, which usually is faster than 75 MPH.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
6RxOokp0nz25evoVdmUuTqjqXg8r2BZX
|
au1ju4
|
{
"description": "not wanting my husband to blow his nose in the kitchen",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my husband to blow his nose in the kitchen?
|
This is from mobile so sorry if there's formatting stuffs.
My husband blows his nose while in the kitchen whenever he is sick. He uses paper towels and will actually go out of his way to use the kitchen instead of the bathroom (where sweet, sweet tissue awaits). He will do this whether or not someone else is on the kitchen eating, and he then puts the tissue in our small compost bowl, which gets handled frequently by others.
I think this is absolutely disgusting and unhygienic and have tried a few times to explain why people shouldn't blow their noses in the same place they prepare food. He initially agreed not to put his snotty paper towels in compost anymore, but he was chuckling and made a joke about me being neurotic.
I was just finishing lunch today when he bypassed the bathroom to blow his nose in the kitchen again. He looked at me like I grew an extra head when I asked if he could not do it in front of me when I'm in the kitchen. He got super whiny about it, causing me to actually question whether or not something that I had always assumed was common sense really is. So here I am, asking Reddit: Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
LOBkPNJi2FDT5dWgJLVo918uj3h6axoR
|
ba5l2n
|
{
"description": "being upset that my best fiend chose to go on holiday with someone else",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset that my best fiend chose to go on holiday with someone else?
|
Okay, so... My friend just told me she can't really afford to go anywhere with me in the summer. We had been talking about it for ages and I feel kinda like she lead me on a bit? We had been planning a weekend away or something. Today she told me she'd booked a holiday/vacation with another girl for a week, but that she'd still want to go for a day trip with me somewhere.
​
​
I didn't say anything at first but she went on a long list of 'excuses', like she didn't think i'd enjoy where they're going, she knows i'm not comfortable with planes, ect. She knows i'm quite insecure sometimes, she knows she's my only close friend left (everyones leaving for uni.) I always kinda assumed I was her best friend too.
​
​
I'm TRYING my very best to be mature about this but it still hurts. Am a being a shitty person? Should I not take it personally? Am I too clingy/dependant on her?
​
​
Please be honest.
​
​
I know, she's an adult, she can choose where she wants to go and who with, I know it's not really any of my business either. I just wish she'd chosen me. :(
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
hYETwwcyxqFCvg2oYycVxcSGNr8suHDu
|
b8z8fi
|
{
"description": "taking credit of my own work",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for taking credit of my own work?
|
##
📷
So i was sitting with one of my classmates (7th grade) and we were doing biology classwork. I did all the work and this guy just copied my work. Then the teacher asked him to read what he wrote down, when he finished, the teacher complimented the work and i said that i did it. The teacher then started talking about how i shouldn\`t have done that because it made him look bad. I just don\`t know AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
thXI0s80yPcNmKga3kHKXSB85s2uhUX4
|
atykqa
|
{
"description": "not visiting my aging grandparents",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for not visiting my aging grandparents?
|
I have really fond memories of my grandparents. They care for me and have always treated me with love. However, the last time I've seen them in person or talked to them on the phone was about 12 years ago, and even as they hit 90 last year and begged me to come visit, I don't think I want to see them again because of their son; my dad.
To put our father/son relationship as a tl;dr, I've always been emotionally neglected, and he was never there for me during hard times. There were also heinous acts he had done to me in the past that I would never confess to my mom because I don't want to break her heart.
He also has a strained relationship with mom and sister, but they keep in touch with grandparents.
I've come to despise the parents of the man I call dad now because they created him. I'm currently out of college and have trouble finding work, so the family and grandparents think I'm just embarrassed to meet them because of that. They're reaching an old age and my grandpa is sick and trying to make me feel guilty, saying this could be my last chance.
AITA for cutting contact with grandparents that love me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
WRONG
|
IrgPcBdH45sSsUKzawhbooxsM1y7X0JJ
|
atyc7t
|
{
"description": "not cutting my hair the way my girlfriend wants",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
Aita for not cutting my hair the way my girlfriend wants?
|
Basically the title. I mean, its my choice and all but she is the one who has to look at me most of the time and she said that she will cry every night if I don't cut it (overreacting it, I know)
I want to keep it long because my father is totally bald and I'd like to enjoy long hair while I can.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
y8DDfiPD3JDBwsWXkqiInvSt4Mi0VQXD
|
astw8e
|
{
"description": "ending a friendship after my friend got a teacher suspended for a month",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 64
}
|
AITA for ending a friendship after my friend got a teacher suspended for a month?
|
Alright, so there's this teacher st my high school, T. He's a hilarious teacher who isn't afraid to make dark jokes, "inappropriate" remarks, and even showed a few R-Rated movies near the end of the year. Basically, he was well liked by pretty much all the students at the school.
Now, my friend. We haven't known each other for too long; we started talking and stuff around the start of the second quarter in junior year (current school year). Now, she's the type to get offended at seemingly unimportant things, remarks, etc. So you see where I'm going with this. (Note - I have T for AP Human Geography, there are only 12 kids in the class and all but one, another friend, are seniors. My other friend, the girl, has him for US History.) Since my class was full of upperclassmen, he treated it more as a fun class, and cracked more jokes and went off topic more than his other classes.
One day, I come into T's class greeted by a substitute. Sub explains that he will be covering for the next month, as T is currently suspended. From what I pieced together, what happened was that T was joking around, as usual, and at some point, T said something along the lines of "Have you ever considered killing yourself?" To friend. Of course, he wasn't being serious and obviously meant it as a joke. Friend ran out, went to the principal, and apparently her mother came in and backed her up. One thing led to another, and so T was suspended for a month. I had really liked T and his class; he was hilarious, his class was easy, and he let us do what we wanted. So I got mad at my friend, and we haven't talked for the past month. She is also disliked by the majority of my grade now. I don't know her history - how she is mentally, what her other friends are like, etc. AITA for breaking off our friendship over this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 60,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 64
}
|
WRONG
|
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