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gDkNpcllGX3hbH9unhAPiOFm1dyajbCC
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acr9lp
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{
"description": "objecting to my wife's work commitments and the burden they place on me with respect to child care",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for objecting to my wife's work commitments and the burden they place on me with respect to child care?
|
My wife (K) and I are both professionals working in a big city. I never really wanted children, but K was very insistent about wanting a child, and I decided to put her needs above mine on this issue, given how important it is to her.
So we had a son 2 years ago, and I've thrown myself into it completely - the kid is great, and I put in a ton of effort trying to be a good dad. Essentially I work a full day every day, spend \~3 hours hanging out with my son after I come home, then jump back on my laptop to do more work after he goes down to bed. I carry my weight in terms of diaper changing, putting him to bed, feeding him, playing with him, daycare drop-off, etc.
The issue that's arisen is my wife's work travel schedule. She's in a really demanding job, and in 2015 - 16 (before our son was born), she was put on a project that required her to be away from home / out of state quite frequently. At the time it was happening, she assured me that this was a pretty atypical project, and that I shouldn't expect her to be away from home so frequently in the future.
Fast forward to 2018, and another project related to the 2015 - 2016 one arises, so she ends up traveling quite a bit. This is in addition to a decent amount of social travel, as she has 3 separate friend groups she goes on out-of-town trips with once or twice a year. In total, between work and social, she's been gone about \~60 days total in the past year. On those days, I've been left to fend for myself with our son. I love him, but it's a ton of work taking care of him 1:1 for long stretches, and it's started to really bother me from the standpoint that I've already stuck my neck out / completely rearranged my life to make K happy by having a kid (even though it's not something I'd have wanted on my own), I've fully embraced the role of being a dad, and now on top of that I feel like I'm having my goodwill exploited by her leaving me as a solo parent for 2 months out of the year. Full disclosure: I'm away for work \~30 days out of the year, so I do this to her sometimes, but 1) that's a full month less than she's gone; 2) I've significantly cut down on discretionary social travel since our son was born; and 3) again, despite how much I adore our son, we had a child specifically to make her happy, and specifically at the expense of a life I was completely happy with.
So things came to a head a few days back, when she (on one day's notice) told me she had to go on another 2-day work trip. I told her we needed to talk about this, as I was unhappy about how frequently she's been gone, and I didn't want the rest of my life to be like this. She alternated between 1) getting super upset with me and saying stuff to the effect of "fine, I'll just find another job" in a pissed-off, passive-aggressive manner; 2) arguing with me that her travel schedule won't be as bad once this project ends this spring; and 3) insisting that she hadn't been away from home much more than I had in 2018.
With regard to 1), I'd honestly be thrilled if she found another job, and I told her that. The problem is she absolutely loves her current job and is good at it. There are other, related jobs she could move into that would have better work-life balance and fewer travel requirements. The downside is that they'd pay less and be less personally fulfilling to K. My sense is that she thinks my desire for her to change jobs is tantamount to my wanting her to be barefoot and in the kitchen, which is a little ridiculous - if she were to change jobs, she'd still be in a role that is very well respected (certainly more well respected than mine) and would still be paid quite well (albeit not as well as she currently is).
With regard to 2), it's possible that her travel schedule will normalize after this project is over, but that's what she told me in 2015 - 16 as well, and here we are in the present. So I don't have a ton of faith that this situation won't repeat itself in the coming years, and I'll be solo-dadding for large chunks of time on a semi-regular basis.
With regard to 3), I know she's wrong about this, as I've gone back through our calendar for 2018 and counted the days. It's a bit frustrating that she won't even fully engage with the idea that there has been a large imbalance in time away from home, and that it's unduly burdened me in terms of child care.
If you've made it this far, thanks for hanging in there. As it stands, I've made my dissatisfaction clear, and I've left it in her court to decide whether to start considering other job opportunities. (While I think that would be what's best, it's ultimately her decision.) Meanwhile, she's taken this to mean that I'm strong-arming her into finding a new job, and so she's started putting out feelers while also acting incredibly pissed off toward me (snapping at me occasionally, sleeping in the guest bedroom) for the last several days. I'm debating whether I'm going to cave in and just tell her to stay at her current job (since I'm kind of a softie and really do care about her happiness), even if it potentially causes me to be miserable for the rest of my life, or whether I'm going to stay silent on the issue and see how it plays out.
In any case, I know the point here is not to ask for advice. AITA for objecting to my wife's travel schedule (and it's impact on me with respect to child care), and / or for how I've handled the issue regarding her staying at her current job vs. finding something new?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
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"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
Ulc9HTx0UpLp4KcoThoIj2kLNY3VQSBE
|
b17aez
|
{
"description": "asking my roommate to be quieter during sex",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my roommate to be quieter during sex?
|
So, this has been happening for a while now and I really don't want to be a buzzkill. But him and his girlfriend have audibly loud sex and I'm directly underneath him.
She screams and yells at 2:00 a.m in the morning, often on weekdays, and his bed creaks really bad. I work early in the morning and they usually go at it for hours.
I really don't want to be a buzzkill, but I do think that being quieter during sex is something you can control. I do....depending if it's really late at night.
Anyway, he keeps waking me up and he knows his gf is too loud during sex, but he thinks it's more of a cool thing that he can brag about. So, I finally talked to him about it and he just brushed it off as me being jealous and said "he'll see what he can do" and nothing has changed.
AITA for asking him to be quieter?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
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}
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OTHER
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}
|
RIGHT
|
bMS79Nwkoz9t3CWtXDsztdQf2IS5wY6p
|
a4bjey
|
{
"description": "keeping my kids away from a dog I don't trust",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for keeping my kids away from a dog I don’t trust
|
A family friend adopted a dog a couple of years ago. We know nothing of the dogs history. We have no idea why the dog was given up but she was an adult when friend adopted her. She’s surprisingly well trained on some things, frighteningly unpredictable on others.
Friend and her husband aren’t ones to stay home. They both work full time and then take off on weekends, often leaving the dog with my parents.
When friend’s dog attacked one of my parent’s dogs, I was told it came out of nowhere, was brutal, vicious, and despite yelling, screaming and trying to pull the dogs apart, they just couldn’t. Friend’s dog has since been forgiven and spends time there regularly again.
I have a 4 year old and a 1.5 year old. After the dog attack, I told my parents in no uncertain terms that I don’t want the dog around my kids. I don’t want to risk them witnessing a dog attack, I won’t risk them being involved in a dog attack. I’ve repeatedly been tricked into interactions. Either my parents invite us over and the dog is already there, or my children are at their house and somebody texts friend bring her dog over. Nothing bad has happened since, and that is their reason I’m being an asshole to maintain this boundary.
My kids were invited to a dinner at my parents house yesterday. I was going to leave the younger one there while I took my 4 year old to his music class. Until I heard the dog was also invited.
I urged my family to reconsider inviting the furry guest, but they did not. I’m expected to suck it up because any dog has the ability to turn violent. If I’m going to keep my kids away from this dog, I should keep my kids away from all dogs otherwise I’m a hypocrite.
I’ve never once brought my kid’s to family friend’s house. All of these interactions are out of the dog owner’s unwillingness to leave her dog at home.
I’m not asking my parents to not have the dog at their house, I’m simply asking the dog and the kids not be invited at the same time and that I’m made aware when that’s happening so I can stay away. It doesn’t feel like too much to ask, but my extended family and family friend disagree and think I’m the asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 25,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
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OTHER
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{
"RIGHT": 25,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
2HOdVw3ZqcctbeWYhlJGUD7cdwS8sscD
|
avi1m7
|
{
"description": "asking a my girlfriend to leave if it seems she's just using me for a place to stay",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking a my girlfriend to leave if it seems she’s just using me for a place to stay.
|
Everything was perfect, then after a few fights, things just did not go back to the way it was. She hasn’t officially moved in, but is here 90% of the time. She calls it “our place.” I was at a place where I would do anything for her, but now I don’t know.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 5
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INFO
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
9lj6u3HQUrYgUy3S4jb6CLqzog3chhQ6
|
ac2xn9
|
{
"description": "paying for my mum and sisters day out",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for paying for my mum and sisters day out!?
|
So sorry it’s long!
So my mum asked if I wanted to come with her and my sister (she has additional needs) to see Mary Poppins. I wasn’t that interested in the movie but a day out sounded nice as I just quit my job.
My parents have said to me they don’t have that much money right now because of Christmas so I said I will pay for the movie for the three of us.
I just bought my mum and sister a drink each and mum said we should get popcorn that was in this Mary Poppins bowl (this bowl was $20).
I said okay because it was cute and I was being nice, I said to her let’s split it $10 each because honestly I didn’t see a problem with this. She said yes that’s reasonable. I also bought lunch for her and my sister.
After the movie we go to Kmart because my mum wanted some clips for her hair. When we got there she picked some out ($4) she then said she needed to go to the Apple store really quick because she needed to get her iPad fixed and asked me to line up with my sister. She asked if she wanted me to give her the $4 which I said yes I did.
So she gave me the money and left. I paid and went to another store and found these cute Christmas decor that was on sale 60% off. I wasn’t sure about a few of them so I took pictures and sent them to her.
I was waiting in the car when she rang and said I should get all the Christmas decor I had sent her. I asked because she was in the shops if she could get them and I will transfer the money right now. She said she will have to use her credit card and I said okay.
She got back to the car with the bags by the look on her face I knew she was angry. She opened the door and said “oh no the parking fee” I told her I’ll pay and got my wallet out. (Side note: when I was in the car scrolling I found this Christmas lights thing and it was 7 minutes away from this shopping centre and it was only $15, I had $14 in cash). I was in the middle of asking her if she had any cash/coins on her when she closed the door with me in mid sentence. I was shocked but whatever. She came back angrier and I asked how much it was, it was $17.50. I said oh I’ll transfer the money that’s a lot. She said back why bother and she was disappointed in me.
To cut a long story short we had a massive fight in the car with me telling her she was yelling like a child and her telling me I’m a disgrace and it’s my fault she can’t say no to me! She was mad because she had to pay for $10 for the popcorn and the $4 for the clips.I told her that makes no sense and she then just started screaming so I ignored her the rest of the way home.
When we got home I told my dad and he said I should not have asked to go half with the popcorn as they are short on money. My answer was to say why did she say yes to buying it then? Mum cut in and said because she can’t say no to me because I’m a brat.
I’m very disappointed in them and have cried for the last hour. I feel she is angry in general about having no money and took it out on me. Am I an asshole for all of this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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}
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RIGHT
|
xQ02RDx5aZvSzm6P1q6tiWjTslT22Ahv
|
b11qpo
|
{
"description": "being on my phone while making purchases at a store",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for being on my phone while making purchases at a store?
|
Hello All,
I usually am quite polite and have working in retail before so understand that a customer being on the phone is kind of rude, but it's tax season!
So I changed jobs and homes last year and needed to make sure my previous employer was sending my tax slip to the correct address. I had been waiting to speak with HR for about 40 minutes before I got to the store and was still placed on hold. I realized that this is a bit rude, the store was pretty dead and the CSR worker kept looking at me as if she were about to ask if I needed any help, I look at her and made a comment along the lines of "Gotta hate the HR wait times around tax season, if only everyone can email you the tax slips!", she giggled and told me to let her know if I needed any help.
Now I had some questions about some of the products I was purchasing and kept my phone on my ear (not talking into it as I was still on hold) and asked her my questions, she asked me to put my phone away and ask, I said that I'm just waiting on hold and it's been 50 minutes now. She helped me, I decided to purchase the products, I go up to the counter and take out my card to pay, she asked me if I needed a bag, I didn't hear her as I thought someone had picked up (but I was wrong) and then I said "sorry, what was that?". She told me that I'm being rude at this point and perhaps I should be shopping and requiring service when I'm not pre-occupied. I rolled my eyes and said "I'll keep that in mind for next time" and she called over her manager to help me.
I made my purchase and left, I didn't want to get into it with the manager as I was on hold still. FYI, I bought body lotion and eye liner. I feel kind of bad.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"OTHER": 7,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 13
}
|
WRONG
|
9gyDcFOK7LOEkad4R550QLbyYmm3YJBz
|
aliusz
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be my sister's surrogate after she was my caregiver",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be my sister's surrogate after she was my caregiver?
|
I'm 25 and recently engaged, my sister is 29 and has been married for 3 years. She and her husband have been trying to have a baby forever, longer than they've been married, and it's just not happening even after several rounds of IVF. They've dumped a ton of money into trying to have a baby and are starting to look at other options. Unfortunately, they think I'm one of those options.
My sister asked if I would be a surrogate for her and I absolutely do not want to. I'm not planning to have any kids of my own so I'm not exactly interested in being pregnant. I know it would be an amazing gift for her, but it seems like it would be a nine month nightmare for me. My fiance has also expressed that he is not comfortable with it. Also for as much as I don't want to be pregnant in general, I ten-times don't want to be pregnant or recently post-partum at my wedding, especially with a baby that isn't even mine.
I love my sister, but to be honest the whole thing seems downright creepy (for me. if other women want to be surrogates for their siblings I don't think there's anything wrong with that.)
Here's the sticky part. My sister was my caregiver for a little over a year after I developed severe mental health issues when I was 18-19. I had very strong agoraphobia and did not leave our apartment once during that time, and I was clinically depressed. My sister did all of my food shopping and meal prep, talked me off the ledge several times, and was basically my emotional crutch. After years of intense therapy I am now at a point where I am functional, happy most days, and in a healthy relationship. I regret the way I treated my sister during this time and that I made her my caregiver. And there's a little voice in the back of my telling me that if I give her a baby then I will make up for it. And she has implied the same in our few conversations about the matter. But I just really, really don't want to be pregnant.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
6UCevAMRW70wDWoNwxbcfIVTOEWlWf0q
|
adnnh2
|
{
"description": "\"cheating on\" my top choice college",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for “cheating on” my top choice college?
|
Last year, I was a senior at a high school where everyone cares a ton about college acceptances. Most kids/parents at this school feel somewhat entitled to go to unrealistically selective colleges, especially the people who get good grades, but don’t apply themselves elsewhere. I applied early action to my top choice school, and regular decision between another school I really liked. Both schools are extremely selective, and I don’t have legacy status or anything like that, so I didn’t really expect to get into one, much less more than one. After I got accepted to School 1, I accidentally stood up my interviewer at School 2. I assumed this killed my chances for School 2, so I went home, accepted School 1, and told my mom I was withdrawing from School 2. My mom said I shouldn’t withdraw, and then offered to do it for me. I said ok, thanks. A few months later, my mom told me to check my admissions status at School 2, because she hadn’t really withdrawn. I got in, and I was ecstatic, and put it on my Snapchat story, and went to the admit weekend and seriously considered telling School 1 I changed my mind and attending School 2. I am friends with the valedictorian, who works very hard but doesn’t do anything outside of school and as a result, was rejected from School 2, which he had his heart set on, as well as School 1 and all the other schools he considered worthy of his talents. He was vocally very upset with me for “gaming” the system, and a little upset with me for letting it be known that I got in. In the end, I did reject School 2 and attend School 1, but I took a long time to decide. AITA for not immediately rejecting School 2 and keeping it a secret?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Wsaf3istjFtaaMKeMnlNpTtWCgRgwwGT
|
amlqka
|
{
"description": "not wanting kids",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
WIBTA for not wanting kids
|
I've come to the conclusion that I don't want to have kids. I have a criteria when it comes to getting serious with someone and it goes like this:
Measures must be taken to prevent a pregnancy (up until I get a vasectomy) and if a pregnancy does happen by freak chance, then it must be aborted otherwise I want nothing to do with the child.
I understand how selfish, stubborn and self-centered I sound but I don't want to sacrifice sex just because I don't want the risk of having a kid.
So would I be the asshole?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 14
}
|
RIGHT
|
JfCFjh9DIphRluT13QmEKB2JsmTBN9WS
|
ave14q
|
{
"description": "not paying my \"owings\" to my classmate",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not paying my "owings" to my classmate? (TL;DR at the bottom)
|
Hi. Me (M/15) and my class were selling cake for Valentine's Day. I bought drinks and the person (M/15) I want to talk about today bought tissues and cake. Now, everyone payed the things they brought, including decoration, the cake, you know all that stuff. Now, before the sale started my classmate (F/15) messaged me about bringing stuff, but also asked for money so she can buy tissues and decoration. I told her that I have trust issues and don't want to. Now the thing is that after I told her about this thing with the money, I texted that I was fine with everything else. I didn't really tell her that I don't want to give her money, that was one mistake. Now: she bought her tissues and now wants me to give "her" money back. I think that It's unfair that everyone had to pay their stuff except her, and I also don't really think that the tissues costed 5€ (I live in Germany. Sorry for bad grammar or spelling.)
Now, she slowly started to get on my nerves and I thought "Nah it was kinda my fault. I should give her the money" I was about to tell her that I will give it to her.
Before i could tell her, she started insulting me. She said that I will never find a girlfriend and die alone as a Virgin. She started saying that people only talk to me because they don't want to offend me, so they can stay out of trouble. It really insulted me, so i just called her a slut and didn't talk to her again.
TL;DR: Girl (F/15) texts me (M/15) that she wants money for buying tissues for a cake sale. I refuse, but kinda mess up saying that. After she buys them, i refuse to give her the money, but in the end realise that it was kinda my fault and want to give it to her. She starts insulting me before i can, i call her a slut and dont talk to her again.
Now, AITA for doing that?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
rT6Z7eI6LVQoTQnMM2nky5acITW1VFkt
|
b44oiz
|
{
"description": "being a shitty texter",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For being a shitty texter?
|
I have had a close girl friend for around 12 years. We’ll call her Sarah. Her and have been through a lot together. We have great times. However, she is ALOT to handle. She starts arguments on a fairly regular basis with random people when we’re out, she flys off the handle over really small insignificant things. I can’t count the amount of times she lost it on me over small insignificant things.
She was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder a couple years ago and underwent therapy for a couple of years. She improved quite a bit. She’s seems more self aware and I’ll give credit where it’s due, she’s a lot less mean than when we were kids. However, she still goes off on me from time to time. And on more than one occasion threaten to hurt herself when we argue. It’s a total mind fuck.
We got into an argument about my flakiness. I’ll admit, I’m a bad texter and I’m bad at answering calls. I am also an introverted person. I like my space, my alone time and people, esp her really drain me. However, if I know that there is a problem, then I’m there.
She was angry that when she called twice I didn’t answer. I was sleeping. I woke up a couple hours later and hung out with my bf (who I live with) and posted an insta story of him playing video games.
She then proceeded to harass text me telling me I was a shitty friend. After going back and fourth about it, and explaining to her that this was exhausting and I didn’t feel like talking she explained to me that she had broken up with her bf, and her car had gotten towed and I should have texted her. Yes, I should have but I had no indication she was upset until well into the argument.
This has been an ongoing issue. I am not good at responding to text with anyone, but sometimes when I see one from her my first thought is “here we go” or “what is it now” and it’s bad. I feel like a complete jerk for thinking that way because she has come a long way.
With that said, I’ve been dealing with my or issues. My dad was in the hospital recently and I also lost my job. When I’m feeling low I like to retreat into myself. She likes to vent. We’re different people.
We didn’t resolve the issue and I told her not to text me anymore because she was getting on my nerves. The next morning she post an Instagram story of her passive aggressively talking about me saying “just because you acknowledge a behaviour it’s doesn’t make it less toxic” and so fourth.... Basically about me, like she was some insightful person giving some kind of lecture. I lost it on her. We actually yelled at each other and very harsh words were exchanged. I never thought I would be having and argument over social media post at almost 30. She’s since blocked me on everything.
In all the 12 years of friendship that has never happened. I think I might have just lost my closest friend.
TL;DR- AITA For ending a 12 year friendship over a fucking Instagram story and bad texting.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
dTCDI14wIJRYDaN9STqFMlUJx29D8dA2
|
agehjv
|
{
"description": "asking \"to many\" questions in class",
"pronormative_score": 32,
"contranormative_score": 27
}
|
AITA for asking "to many" questions in class?
|
So, this is a little bit odd but an interaction that happened today has made me feel really weird and bad.
So, i'm a junior Computer science student and I started classes last week. When I'm in class I like to interact, ask question, and sometimes make a joke because I find it helps the best with me learning. I find that i'm usually one of about 3 students in a class to ever interact and i've always thought it was ok.
Well, that was until I started a computer networks class this semester. No one in the class of 40 but me ever asks questions or speaks up regularly. So I found that every class i'm the only one asking questions or responding to the teacher. All the questions I ask are on topic but sometimes are there just to clarify or ask something related but that might not be covered.
I've always thought this was fine until today, When I got out of class one of my friends came and told me he overheard some of the other students calling me annoying and "A ass kisser". I decided to go and talk to one of the people who said this and he told me that apparently others find the fact that I always ask the teacher questions or respond to him annoying and that they find my jokes "moronic". He told me that i'm making a fool of myself and that the teacher probably doesn't appreciate that I ask questions that won't be covered on the tests and that I look stupid ever time I ask for a clarification.
This honestly is tearing me up right now. I thought I was being nice by trying to interact in class but apparently others think i'm an ass because of it. I would like some outside perspective on this. Am I making an ass out of myself by doing this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b1c95i
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{
"description": "kicking a lady out of my post at night",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for kicking a lady out of my post at night?
|
Little background, i work security for a gated community and i work the graveyard shift because i prefer to work by myself and asyou could imagine not alot of people are coming into a neighborhood at 3 am.
So i get to my normal post (office) at 10pm and i see a new lady there about 45-50 years old, she is covering 1 day for the normal guy who is out sick, i let her know im taking over and its no problem.
I set up and let her know she can leave and she says "o ok im just waiting for my ride" and i tell her "alright no problem" I've had similar instances before and it was never a problem, so we start talking for about 30 minutes and i ask her "so uh, when's your ride gonna be here?" And she says "o i don't know it should be soon" and I'm thinking alright whatever i don't care that much so I'm not gonna push it and ask.
Another 45 minutes go by (11:15) and i ask her again "so any update from your ride" and she replies with " no nothing yet" so i didn't say anything but im kinda getting a little annoyed with having to share a 10'-5' room with someone i don't know and i have nothing in common with.
Another hour goes by and i ask again "heard anything from your ride?" And she said they had never answered after the first time so she didn't even know if they were on the way.
She asks me after if there were any nearby stores so i tell her walgreens and rite aid are about a mile down the road so she says she is gonna walk down there. We are in southern california so there is no rain or snow or anything, just some light wind and its about 40 degrees but she has a jacket and all that. And its in a very nice neighborhood so im not worried any serious harm will happen to her.
Now here is where im not sure if im the asshole or not, i didn't kick her out and tell her to leave but when she brought up the idea of walking down there i didn't stop her i just let her go, i suggested an uber but she said she didnt have a card to pay it with so i said "i dont know what else to tell you then".
am i an asshole for not saying something like "o no don't walk you can just stay in the post with me tonight" or are neither of us the assholes because she was the one who wanted to walk?
It would have been a shitshow if she stayed until the person who comes at 6 to take my shift came and she was still here so she would have gotten kicked out eventually, but should i have let her stay until that point? Or am i ok letting her go in the middle of the night?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
H7vrBfUIfS6Z45F5FGEkUbAeE5fAjrma
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agk3f9
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{
"description": "being annoyed at my dad for inviting his girlfriend's horrible kids over",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being annoyed at my dad for inviting his girlfriend's horrible kids over?
|
Hey Reddit I need a secondhand opinion from the internet. So some backstory.... 6 months ago, me, Dad, my siblings, Dad's Gf, Gf's 2 sons and one of the son's gfs (let's call her Bianca) all went on a holiday to New Zealand. My Dad is very well off and paid for 80% of the trip for everybody except Bianca because she is not immediate family. Throughout the whole trip there was a bit of a natural grouping between Dad's family and his Gf's family. But we would try to dissipate it by playing games etc. My Dad has Asperger's and he acts a bit weird and flustered over things he shouldn't be (swearing, pacing etc). Bianca, the 2 sons, and Dad's Gf would sometimes make fun of him for it. His Gf would sometimes gently tease but Bianca and the 2 sons were more malicious in their teasing.
​
On the last day I spent a day and night by myself with Bianca and the 2 sons so that we could have a night out in Queenstown and get to know each other (I still barely had had a conversation with Bianca or the boys by then). After a few drinks everything was going fine until someone brought up Dad's odd personality. For a while I laughed along but then it became an absolute roast session on the man who had paid 80% for the whole trip (and he also gave us his credit card so we could buy drinks and food for tonight). Bianca and her boyfriend continued bringing up awkward, antisocial things Dad had done in their house and calling him a "scatterbrain". At this point I tried to change the subject and defend him. But they kept speaking over me and began to talk about his finances. They asked me about his salary and that he probably earned x3 the amount his Gf was earning. They also brought up the topic about how my Dad had attempted to avoid tax through a loophole that still made it legal. I had known about the story but I was in utter horror that they knew this and so ashamed that they knew of the sketchy things my Dad had done. They then asked me "so... How do you feel that we know all this about your family and your Dad?" That night I felt interrogated and so disrespected. :(
​
A couple of days after I came back home I informed Dad that Bianca and her bf were not to be trusted and how they had treated me and spoke of him behind his back. I censored a lot because most of the things they said were very degrading toward him. He understood that I didn't like them but waved away the accusations and insults and told me I was overreacting.
​
Fastforward to yesterday. It was a hot day and Dad invited his Gf to come swim in our pool. Gf wanted to bring along her family including Bianca. Dad invited them all! I was annoyed that Dad has disregarded my feelings. I hid in my room the whole time and considered just leaving but didn't want to seem immature.
​
Afterward I asked "Why?" and he said he couldn't really say no to Gf otherwise he would need to explain why.
​
TLDR;
AITA for being annoyed and not wanting my Dad's Gf's horrible kids to come over while I'm here???
Or is he the asshole for letting them come over even after I told him I didn't like them and how they disrespected us both.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
b3hif5
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{
"description": "calling my my friend gay",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA for calling my my friend gay?
|
Throwaway because he knows my main and we both frequent this sub.
So backstory,
I have had this friend, let's call him F, since highschool. I met F when I moved with my family and started doing cheerleading at a local gym.
F has always been adamantly "not gay" I think because he did cheerleading as a guy he got really insecure about that aspect of himself. However due to that he sometimes seems a bit homophobic.
Then there is me, I'm transgender, I started transitioning when I was 14, before we moved and while I haven't had any surgeries, I look like any other girl and can tuck preeeety well, so it was just something I never bring up to anyone. Only people who currently knows I'm trans, besides my boyfriend, is my family.
So today, F, my boyfriend, and I are all going to see a movie at the mall. I really like dresses and I have this particular one my bf likes, so I wear it a lot. But this dress is short. Like if there is a breeze you can probably see my underwear. But due to tucking, it doesn't really bother me when it happens.
So we get our tickets, and start going up the stairs to our theater. I lead the way followed by my bf and F. F made some comment to my bf I didn't hear. I didn't think anything of it.
During the movie my bf texts me and asks me not to hang out with F by ourselves any more because apparently the comment F had made was about my butt and how much he liked it. Apparently he was looking when I was walking up the stairs in front of them.
I tell my bf not to worry, F wouldn't be into me like that, due to how adamantly "not gay" he is. But my bf says that doesn't matter because F doesn't know i used to be a boy. But my bf has never seen how F gets when someone questions his sexuality.
So after the movie I make a joke about F liking dudes asses, which I find hilarious(trans haha so funny) and F goes into his "I only like girls, that's why I even did cheerleading in highschool just to be around half naked girls... You're just being judgy because cheerleading.." blah blah. So I think it's good of a time as any, and so I tell him he's actually gay because he admitted to liking my butt and I'm actually a dude!
Well, that didn't go over so well. He thought I was joking so I explained that I'm trans. He wasn't mad or anything but just got really quiet. He said he didn't care if I was trans but that he's not gay and I should have told him earlier so he wouldn't have said "gay shit" and that it's rude for me to call him gay even though I know he's straight.
I felt kinda bad because he stayed quiet the rest of the night like he wasn't having a good time.
So Reddit, AITA for calling my friend gay?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
KClJhibEN4WloOEaHIpNUL90WmNHPuLz
|
axu7lh
|
{
"description": "not wanting to fly in a helicopter",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to fly in a helicopter?
|
Hey all, mobile etc etc. My birthday is coming up soon and we are going to Hawaii (my dad is getting a short vacation there for a big project he did) When I was planning my birthday my mom said if I want to go on a helicopter around the island, I said “I kinda’ want to just relax on the beach.” To which my parents said “why don’t you want to go on a helicopter” I just said “I just don’t plus the beach is free” my parents got very mad and called me a “spoiled little s**t” I got pissed and left. I just want to relax a bit on my birthday, not be scared of falling out of a helicopter (I’m kinda scared of heights but my parents don’t believe me).
Summary-I said I don’t want to ride a helicopter on my birthday but instead go to the beach, they got pissed and yelled at me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
a5zcb2
|
{
"description": "criticizing an answer to an Amazon product question",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I criticize an answer to an Amazon product question?
|
Here’s a real petty one for y’all. I am so tired of people answering product questions on Amazon with a literal “I don’t know” instead of just ignoring the question.
I was shopping for fabric cube-drawer-things for a modular, DIY cube shelving unit. The fabric cubes were by the same brand as my shelf, but pictured inside a different shelf, so I asked if they would fit in the DIY shelves (after double- and triple-checking what the shelves I bought were listed as).
Someone replied with “Just measure your shelves! Also they’re nice and look great! Hope this helps!” (the company that produces the shelves later replied and said yes, they’ll fit).
WIBTA if I reply and tell them that their answer did not, in fact, help my decision since they didn’t even answer the question I asked? Or should I just roll my eyes really hard and ignore it like usual?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
a646j5
|
{
"description": "throwing rocks on the lake with a friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for throwing rocks on the lake with a friend
|
We were down by a lake that’s “private” property but everybody’s cool over there, and I know some of the people there cause I’ve been there so much, but a few days ago this guy called us assholes and told us to get the fuck out, pulling out his phone to call the cops
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
1O4vkL0trrxahWVOMBG6F2pTdQy2ahNy
|
b02ji2
|
{
"description": "making Friends for a purpose",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA Making Friends for a purpose
|
I want to get better at certain languages (spanish, korean and few others), I thought of getting up with some people because the using speak those languages. I wanted to befriend them but I was told that would be using them. I believe I am fine because I do want to be friends but with the added benefit of learning languages from born speakers which is way better than online stuff
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
ayoob1
|
{
"description": "getting angry at my angry dad due to me not going to school to do a project",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for getting angry at my angry dad due to me not going to school to do a project?
|
This is childish, well im a child but its cringe-worthy since Im at that rebel-phase.
My birthday is coming up and I decided to earn some money by doing my classmates group projects. 7 dollars is the total and that costs alot here, its to reward myself with some art supplies or whatnot.
I am in a Science Unuversity and my dream is to be in an Art School or just track, anything related to my dream though parent's wishes and I just do whatever they say. But I'm feeling rebelious (which is often). Pronect deadline is today and I just received a messege from my friend saying if I could do their project and I agreed so I told my dad something like a lie? It kinda goes like this.
"Dad, Im not going to school since I need to do six videos, edit it, compress and pass it to my teacher." (Literally six lengthy videos. It costs literally 60% of my on-card grade on that subject. I also didnt include saying that I did this for money.)
He frowned and gets infuriated at me. He is like those stereotypical asian parents after all, "youre going to skip classes and just do one project from a single subject? You could do that later."
I insisted and he gave me those angry looks and stomped out due to stress, I feel guilty at this point but nevertheless I continued editing and do as I please.
After roughly continious 9 hours of editing, still 5/6 done. Dad bursts into the door and told me, "whats taking so long?! You have been doing that for hours!" I guess he didnt understand that editing might be easy but takes alot of time. I feel really devastated and dissapointed right now since Ive been dealing with some personal and grades issues in school. He then told it my mom, an OFW and keeps telling how outrageous I am. I also fought back, copying his tone of voice. Its been a habit of mine and ego is taking over me. And it makes me wonder.
Am I the asshole for this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
xb0dZjaAjM5q9IhesmXgJcvA49ZNcFCP
|
aeyeno
|
{
"description": "taking my ex's cousin on a trip with me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for taking my ex's cousin on a trip with me?
|
My ex girlfriend and I broke up at the beginning of the year, and I also started talking to her a attractive cousin a few hours later. Anyways I have a trip planned out for a couple of weeks from now. It's just a week in Mexico City. I was planning to take my ex with me but since we broke up that's a no go. Her cousin on the other hand is quite attractive, we've been on a couple of dates since the breakup and I like her.
But would it be wrong to take her on this trip with me? Especially since we will both probably be using snap chat and instagram while we are there. So not only will my ex see, but her family and just abut everyone I know will see. I don't wanna go alone because I wanna.... well you.
Am I an asshole if I do this? What are my options here to not appear to be a douche?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
6bS8GFmDSa9aZACb8EyNYzBSuRGku95P
|
b39t9y
|
{
"description": "talking to my boss about my current time off situation",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for talking to my boss about my current time off situation?
|
Okay so, I was made part of middle management the beginning of 2018 at my job, and at the time there were no rules about time off. I was told I would be given five paid days off, which I thought was amazing but was never told anything about unpaid days. After a long year I took nine days off, five of which were paid, in the end of December/start of January. I had requested said time off in October as I planned on taking a small trip on my time off. In the beginning of February I was told that the time off situation had been changed because of an employee taking off a bunch of days. I was now told that as middle management I was still allotted my five days paid, but now was only allotted five unpaid days. And that my time in the beginning of the year has been retroactively counted against me.
I’ve been pretty salty about this whole thing since it happened, like I’ve complained to a ton of people because it seems unfair to change policy after the fact. And I’m mad now because I try to take two small vacations a year, which I can still do but if something else comes up like a wedding or concert or something I’m screwed.
I should also add in, everyone else is allowed to take as much time as they want.
So WIBTA for telling my boss I’m upset about it?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
ahefb3
|
{
"description": "wanting to leave a non-excessive tip",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to leave a non-excessive tip?
|
Sorry for the extensive story.
I work in a very small office that is right next to a major chain restaurant. My coworkers and I frequent the restaurant on our lunch breaks. We go in today and we have a server who recognized our group, as she has served us a few times. I order a side salad with a cup of chili and my coworkers order similar items that don't cost too much.
After we eat, the server came by with our checks and my bill was $10 and some change. I wanted to pay with cash and only had 3 $5.00 bills. So I hand them to the server and she says, "I will be right back with your change." She comes back and hands me my receipt with a five dollar bill in it. I hand it back and say "Sorry, could I have some ones?" as I thought she was going to bring back the coin change and a few ones. As she walked away to get change, my co-workers look at me a little weird and asked what I planned on tipping her. I mean I planned on tipping $3.00 but they looked at me disapprovingly. I ended up leaving her $3.00.
I worked as a server for 3 years and to me a tip was always a tip, even a shitty one, and I always thought a 30% tip was really good for any amount of a check.
My coworkers kind of made me feel bad, but AITA for wanting my change to leave that tip?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
Ib6V81MM7iByCgk6IDz5hc9weIveEcsO
|
9vybrh
|
{
"description": "pushing a kid on crutches over",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA For pushing a kid on crutches over? (Serious)
|
A few years back I got stuck behind a kid on crutches on the way to class (hall was crowded and narrow, couldn’t go around) I typically wouldn’t have said anything, but this was a kid who I’d known for many years, and we mutually disliked each other very much.
I wasn’t gonna do anything at first, but he had been going so slow, to the point where I was about to be late for class. So I simply told him to hurry up. He responds by turning around and hitting me with the crutch. At this point I’m late, hurting and angry, so I push him over. Nothing too hard, but he falls. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
Q7XvOCDT9ZDqdDdRP9CSBXJrVriCKjVj
|
b1w19k
|
{
"description": "deleting his ex' contact number in his phone",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 77
}
|
AITA for deleting his ex’ contact number in his phone?
|
Bf and I allow full access to each other’s phones. I saw his ex in his contacts and asked him why she was still in there. He said he just hadn’t bothered to remove her yet, but had no intention of contacting her again. So I deleted her. He was surprised and asked me why I did that. I just said if you’re not going to contact her why have her in there. I can tell he’s bothered, but am I wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 77
}
|
WRONG
|
5zKUrjxKROB1Cl5to31v51E1rwHHoZRp
|
ay65bq
|
{
"description": "ghosting my once-best friend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for ghosting my once-best friend?
|
This hopefully won't be too long....
So, a few years ago I met a guy, and I really liked him and got to know him well. Well, things happened, and he ended up moving thousands of miles away. We kept in daily contact for a year, but as the days continued, my mental health increasingly declined. I grew obsessed with this guy, clinging on and memorizing every fact he told me, every secret. I really, really took advantage of my title as best friend. I wanted to know everything about him. This started to effect my other relationships, mainly with my family, since I never did anything but wait for him to respond to my texts. It got to a point where I started believing in fate, and that he was my destined one. I don't anymore, though.
Then, one day last summer, I just... Didn't respond to his texts. He sent me a few messages, waited for a day, then sent me a call. All the while I kept looking away. I knew that if I picked up that call I would never give him up. So I stuck to it, for a long time. The guilt ate me alive. But every second of the day I spent texted him killed me and broke my heart more and more, knowing how miserable he was and how I couldn't help him. I was hopelessly in love. I did confess, and we still remained friends afterwards, as nothing really came from it. It's been a long, long time now since I've last seen or spoke to him. I want to know how bad I did, if I fucked up. AITA?
Ah, another important thing is he's very non-confrontational. I tried to talk to him about how our friendship was hurting me, but he didn't hear me out fully. I ended up apologizing and never brought it up again in fear that I would hurt him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
DTBWGgjAixp3DZPrAFDX3jxO5EBRhG3v
|
adsa13
|
{
"description": "having a sleepover with one friend but not the other",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for having a sleepover with one friend but not the other
|
Just to preface my post I want to mention that I'm one of those lucky millennials who can't get a job in their chosen field of study and i'm now living at home with the parents.
​
I am currently in an open relationship with whom i shall refer to as Ernie & Kermit. Ernie & I were friends before and have only been seeing each other for almost a year. Kermit and I have a complicated eight year history. Both are aware of each other though they have not met.
​
For the holidays I was blessed with the opportunity to have the house all to myself for a week. Parents went to visit the grandparents. I have never invited friends over thus with the privacy granted my obvious agenda was to have a sleepover. While i did vacillate between who i should invite, I ended up spending my time with Kermit.
​
Friday while on a date with Ernie, he told me that he heard about my empty nest and asked what I did with my time. I told him the truth to which he followed up with the obvious question as to why he wasn't invited. I told him the reason that I didn't invite him was because I didn't want him in my space. He then said he understood but a the end of the evening he then made a comment stating that I was one of those people who put up barriers to prevent myself from falling in love because I'm afraid of commitment - which I thought was fucking rude but I made no response.
​
I want to say I chose Kermit because he has seniority but it was mostly because I'm fine with him in my space.
​
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
WfcPQ9AGe1N60S4gDsO89nrhmyy2xog7
|
a6ku2w
|
{
"description": "forcing my so to stay at a party",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for forcing my SO to stay at a party?
|
Tonight we were invited to go to a friend's house and my SO mentioned they didn't really want to go for very long. I had to leave early anyways, so I'd be their getaway. They mentioned that they'd rather stay at home in the first place.
When we were at the friend's house, we had a really good time, and I felt bad about having to leave. I started get up and say it was time to go. My SO started to get up as well, but without thinking and in front of friends I asked the SO, 'unless you want to stay and I can pick you up later?' and immediately knew I shouldn't have said it because I put them in a position to make the decision in front of friends. However, my SO without hesitation said, 'yeah, that works.' We kind of figured out how they would get home, and then right before I left, when I was saying goodbye to my SO privately, SO was like, 'what the heck? why did you do that?? You knew I wanted to leave!' and now they're angry at me.
​
I feel really bad, and I know I shouldn't have offered the opportunity to stay, but I kind of thought since they were having fun they started to change their mind. I also felt like they could just say, 'no, I'll just go with you,' and it's not my fault they felt the need to be polite..if that makes sense.
​
EDIT: I am the asshole, thanks. At the least, I was an asshole innocently, and at the most I was being very cruel. I've since apologized to my SO because I felt bad and knew it was wrong in the first place, but I appreciate the varied responses and advice. Thanks!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
acfOlSc4jZDd9yiGIloDKC6PYrf73oLZ
|
b5rzho
|
{
"description": "not wanting to reconnect with my last living family member",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA I don’t want to reconnect with my last living family member
|
I’m 50is now, my brother is 14 years older than I am and my now deceased sister would have been 16 years older than me. I have no fond or loving memories of either of them, I only remember them being mean to me... from jumping out and scaring me to constantly telling me I was not loved or wanted. I hated my life growing up. The brother moved away and I had no contact with him for 25 + years, now that the sister has died he wants to reconnect and chat about “the good old days” . I shut his attempt to do this down politely the first two times but the third time he called I told him to take his happy childhood memories and stick them up his ass. AITA ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
BAQNQx8ajVTtPC6t2OwM20jDcSJBgWE0
|
amv24l
|
{
"description": "calling the cops on my neighbors kids",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
WIBTA for calling the cops on my neighbors kids?
|
I live in a pretty small, but expensive for the area, apartment complex. The buildings are about 3 levels but the hallways and stairs are open. You can usually hear people talking out in the hall, but it’s usually not exceedingly loud. The problem is one family has a couple of kids, and since the apartments aren’t very big they send them out to the hallway to play.
I’m not exaggerating when I say there’s no place I can go in my apartment and not hear screaming. It’s so bad that I now have to wear headphones when watching tv or playing games because I can’t hear anything. What pisses me off just as much is that they treat the hallway like a toy room. When I leave my apartment I’m stepping over a mine field of toys, shoes, and backpacks. Management doesn’t seem interested in doing anything about it, as when I call them about it they just say they’ll talk to them “tomorrow”. I can’t just talk to the parents because they don’t speak English, but it’s obvious that management is just letting it happen because they let their kids do this every single day.
I’m now considering calls the cops. I hate to do this because I think it’s a waste of resources, but I can’t take it anymore. WIBTA if I did?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 24,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 25,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
RRi7MIZ0UYcI6HALrmbwtg4Zkp6P3Uxm
|
af8l52
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my husband for bringing a friend over",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my husband for bringing a friend over?
|
Okay, so let me get down to the details.
My husband calls me around 11:30 on to let me know he just got off work and will be going out for drinks with a friend. No big deal, I go back to sleep. He comes in the room at 2:30, wakes me up and tells me he brought his friend over and are gonna smoke and hang out in the living room. I got a little upset because of the weed (I use it to sleep and for my anxiety and had very little left) but I knew he'd go get more tomorrow so I let it go. But what really made me mad was that he KNOWS I had to wake up at 4 am to go to work, the walls are super him and I could hear every word they were saying. I called him in and asked him to keep it down cause I was having trouble falling back asleep. Nothing changes, I can still hear everything. So, I get up and angrily open the closet door, threw some blankets and a pillow in there since it's really quiet. Then I slammed the door ( I know I shouldn't have done that but I was just so angry at how inconsiderate he was being. He comes in the room cause he hears the door being slammed and asks if I was okay. I tell him how I'm feeling and at this point I'm very angry. I tell him it's 3 in the morning and his friend needs to leave. He replies with "okay just have some patience"
His friend leaves, and he just falls asleep in the living room (which he does when he's upset)
Now I'm at work and won't be able to talk to him until tonight when he's off work.
So guys, am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
nTrOVcSqRZsliGoutEJT1cmi6MVT3LJj
|
akkf15
|
{
"description": "staying friends with a guy who likes me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for staying friends with a guy who likes me?
|
Hi Reddit! I’m hoping you can help me with an ongoing debate I have with my brother and father. One of my guy friends who I hang out with a few times a year admitted that he liked me a year ago. I told him that I think he’s an awesome guy, but I only see him as a friend and that I am not interested in anything more. I also said that I understand if he no longer wants to be friends with me but he said he didn’t want to lose me as a friend and that he will get over it.
The issue is that when I hang out with this guy it’s still obvious he likes me. When I was home visiting my family for Christmas this issue somehow came up in conversation and my dad and brother said I should cut this friend off to spare his feelings. They said even tho I shut him down he will continue to try to change my mind “because that’s just how guys are”. I said it was unfair because I made my feelings very clear and that if he was still choosing to pursue me he wasn’t respecting my decision and that is not my fault. My brother and dad said that it is my fault because I know his feelings and am still choosing to give him hope by keeping him as a friend and that I should be the bigger person and end the friendship.
I guess this struck a nerve with me because I’ve been verbally and physically harassed by men (cat called, groped in bars more times than I can count, hit back when I finally hit the old guy who came up to me and started to grope me), and I’m sick and tired for having to control my actions because “that’s just how guys are”. Obviously those are much more extreme cases but I guess those experiences have influenced my mindset when it comes to this point and makes me more angry and stubborn and perhaps I cannot see the issue clearly. It even angers me that my dad and brother are saying my guy friend will say he’s ok and wants nothing more and it that it’s only natural he will continue to try to win me over. I think that’s deceptive and that if he is doing that then he is only to blame for any pain caused because he is the one who is lying to me and choosing not to respect my decision. I would understand if he was honest with me and said he had to cut me out because I have had another male friend do this in the past and have respected his decision. But then again I’ve also had unreturned feelings for people and so understand it can be heartbreaking. I guess where my issue lies is that the blame is on me to end the friendship because “that’s just how guys are”.
So I’d really love your input Reddit. AITA?
TLDR: guy friend told me that he likes me. I told him I wasn’t interested and only like him as a friend and understood if he didn’t want to be friends. He said he could handle it and didn’t want to lose the friendship. It’s obvious he still likes me. AITA for remaining friends with him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
PQxhPFJcOe9pdARoJi7x0WmlF7585ukG
|
b0979g
|
{
"description": "not wanting to hang out with my mom",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to hang out with my mom?
|
My mom and I have never really had an amazing relationship. Growing up she would only buy junk food and soda so she didn’t have to cook in the evening and then tell me I was getting fat and balding. I was 14 and didn’t have any options other than getting fat off junk food. She received child support from my dad until I was 18 and refused to buy me clothes after I grew and even refused to pay class fees in high school and told me to get a job to pay the fees.
I don’t think she’s outright malicious towards me, she still made me breakfast pretty often and tried to care most of the time but I think she just lost interest in being a parent. The only time I remember her telling me she loved me in my adolescence was one time when she was drunk. I think she really tried but just couldn’t get it right, which ironic since she’s a children’s therapist.
To get to the point, I live with my dad and have since I was 18. I’m 23 now and see my mom once every month or two despite living a short walk away. Some of my friends said I was an asshole for not hanging out with my mom, especially since she texts and calls me all the time and I usually don’t answer or wait a day or two to do so. I admitted to them that I think she’s really lonely and doesn’t have many friends and that’s why she’s reaching out all the time and they told me it’s fucked up that I know that and don’t make an effort to see her.
I just don’t have anything to say to her. It’s not fun being around her. She guilt trips me for not seeing her more every time I do go over. And all I can think about while I’m with her is how jealous I am of people who have a loving relationship with their moms. It makes me really sad. I wish I could be there to help her, she’s still my mom and i love her. But I just can’t do it that often.
Are my friends right? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
L1YRQ6vGhHyhWDqyv7QhKlULGOCOPYcX
|
acleon
|
{
"description": "refusing to go to a wedding with my gf",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for refusing to go to a wedding with my GF?
|
So I’m incredibly conflicted about this, and created an account for my first actual reddit post ever just to get some clarity from you all.
I’m a 28 year old male, and have been dating my current GF(25F) for about a year now. Before she and I met, a close group of friends and myself have been trying to plan a cabin ski trip together. One of those things that we’ve been talking about doing for about two years, but just couldn’t ever find a date that works for everyone. It’s been kind’ve an ongoing conversation for us, and we FINALLY decided to book a cabin for this February.
A few weeks ago, my GF tells me that she just got the official invite for a wedding that she is a bridesmaid in. Turns out, she was invited with a plus one, which she didn’t initially expect. Do I want to go? Of course I do! Except, as we talk about it more, we piece together that it is the same weekend that my friends and I have already booked the cabin for our trip. It’s too late to change the dates, but I would only be out about $100 for my share of the cost if I bail. My friends would be bummed, but there’s about 13 people going on the trip so the group dynamic doesn’t really change that much with or without me.
Since I know this would mean a lot to the GF, my first instinct is that I want to go to the wedding with her. I agree to bail on the trip. My friends and I all live in the same city, so even though our busy lives are making it harder to stay close, it’s not like we don’t ever get the opportunity to see eachother.
As a couple days go by though, I start to realize how much I wanted to go on this trip. We had been planning it for so long, and I was really looking forward to it. On top of that, I learn a few things about the wedding: 1) The only person she knows at this wedding is the bride (a former sorority sister of hers). Even though they were close in college, they’ve grown a bit apart and no longer have any close mutual friends. I was initially under the impression that this would be my first opportunity to be introduced to most of her long time friends which is part of why I wanted to go. 2) She is a bridesmaid in the wedding. Which means that for most of the weekend, she will have bridesmaid responsibilities to attend to. Makeup, pictures, rehearsal, etc.....So I would barely even be with her all weekend. The wedding has one of those head tables for the bridal party, so on the day of the wedding I literally wouldn’t be with her all day until after dinner at the reception (side note....i hate this concept any time I’m a groomsman #freedomforbridalparties). 3) SHE DOES NOT EVEN WANT TO GO TO THE WEDDING. She’s been dreading it apparently. Been going through some things in her personal life, was in a car accident and is experiencing some lingering (but manageable) pain, and apparently feels like she and the bride aren’t even friends anymore. Physically, and emotionally, she just doesn’t want to travel and dedicate a whole weekend to this wedding. But she agreed to be a bridesmaid a year ago, so she is powering through it, and thinks having me there will make it so much better (again, she won’t even have me with her for about 2/3 of the day)
So a couple days after agreeing, I asked her if she had RSVP’d us yet. She hadn’t. I explained that I was having second thoughts and asked how she felt about me going on my friend trip instead. She was not very pleased. Told me she felt like I was abandoning her, and that she is hurt that I don’t want to be there for her. It will also apparently make it even worse for her at the wedding knowing that I’m with friends having fun while she’s miserable. Gives me the old, “if you feel like your trip is more important, then I guess there’s nothing I can do” or something along those lines. I don’t have much patience for passive aggression, or thinly veiled guilt trips, so I told her that I’m not going to the wedding.
After a couple weeks, she just finally let it go, after giving herself a major pat on the back for being “so understanding”. And making sure I knew that “she has every right to be a lot more pissed off than she is”. I still feel like I am in the right here, but I need some help.....AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
Rtjn6a2fXySRYyE7DFcXNGIZ5pEBQgbD
|
ahfxl3
|
{
"description": "leaving a café because the owner told me I smelled like alcohol",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving a café because the owner told me I smelled like alcohol ?
|
So last night I was in a European country (currently travelling around Europe) and after two beers and a bit of browsing around on google maps I realized there was an Internet cafe not far from where I was staying.
Now, to avoid confusion I'll explain what the establishment was exactly: a place where you paid a hourly fee to play video games on high end computers. I don't know if those are that popular in other countries so yeah. They also offer (alcohol-free) drinks and food.
Anyway I went there and the bartender (probably the owner idk) started explaining to me how the whole system works, since it's different in every gaming cafe. So he tells me what the normal hourly fee is, what deals they have if you stay more than three hours, etc. At some point he stops mid sentence and asks "you've had alcohol right?"in a completely different tone. I reply that I indeed had a couple beers before coming. He explains that this is advised against because they've had incidents before.
After that he stops explaining and being friendly, and just tells me "it'll be [price] please". Uncomfortable, I tell him that I would rather leave - even though he says it's fine.
From my point of view, I just found it a bit rude to make such a remark in the way he made it. I mean, when you're selling something you try to be gentle with your customers, no? I was not aware of that rule before coming.
Am I an easily offended asshole who made a bartender waste 5 minutes of his time or is it fine by you? I realize I didn't sign a contract or anything but he was ready to seat me at a computer and offer me food etc.
Thanks to the 5 or so people reading this. Please do leave your judgement in the comments. I'm not trying to get people to tell me it's okay, I want to know if I have to apologize if I go back
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
CUkdidAPfWZRg5Hh0bUFQ1pL4LVtXXOG
|
amep0b
|
{
"description": "parking in the spot next to the handicapped parking spot in cold snowy weather",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for parking in the spot next to the handicapped parking spot in cold snowy weather
|
This happened Tuesday, I live in Michigan.
I didn’t think to post this, because I don’t think I’m the asshole, but my friend does. Let’s see what reddit thinks.
So this past Tuesday I went to the grocery store to get a few things-I was skipping work the next day, so I just wanted to get a few things so I wouldn’t have to go out the next day I get to to grocery store and there is an empty spot right up front, NEXT to the handicap spot. So I park. As I’m headed out, this guy in a big van pulls up besides me and tells me to move my car and go park somewhere else. Claiming he needs it.
This has never happened to me before and I didn’t know how to react, so I just kept walking and ignored the man. In hindsight, I maybe should have been able to tell this guys van had a lift for his wheelchair.
Anyway, I’m inside getting ready to pay, and van dude, now in a wheelchair, confronts me and calls me a heartless asshole for not giving him my spot.
I was kind of annoyed by this and told him to fuck off and walked away from him to pay.
Am I the asshole for not giving up my spot? I still don’t think I am
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
k0jN78jSlsImi5oRIxBgJBSBw3VW6I5u
|
ao57cb
|
{
"description": "asking my husband to get his ex wife off the phone plan that she refuses to pay",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my husband to get his ex wife off the phone plan that she refuses to pay
|
my husband used to work for a phone company and got a cheaper rate so their divorce document said she can still be on it, but she has to pay. That was over 2 years ago and she never paid and my husband no longer works for that company. He asked her to pay or find a new plan 6 months ago, she took no action. He does not have to pay alimony, only child support and thinks he pays her less than average, but we have the kids more than half the time and my husband pays 100% of the kids' expenses that should be split 70/30 with her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
uQgKJ7VQV8wgsKGBp9oi97Ac7VlvAogp
|
aqvffi
|
{
"description": "buying gf chocolates w/ random message",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For buying gf chocolates w/ random message?
|
So two weeks pre-Valentine's Day, a friend of my and my gf is selling home-made strawberry chocolates and attached is a custom message, ready for pick on V-day. I don't usually celebrate much on V-Day but this year I decided the heck, I'll buy some chocolates for gf and help a friend with the side hustle. So I buy some under one condition - gf has to pick up the chocolates because I am a few hours away and both friend and gf live in the same city. Condition is agreed on. This is where it gets weird...
Friend asks me what I want on the message. Me being the person I am who doesn't really show much emotion (I am a firm believer that actions speak louder than words) tell friend "idk lol something nice plz". Now, when I bought the chocolates for gf, I did not buy them for the message part, I did not at all care for the message. Gf loves chocolates so I thought it would be something simple and nice and literally sweet.
​
So fast forward to Valentine's Day. Gf picks up the chocolates while I'm at work, unaware of when it was picked up. I have no clue at all what the message says. Gf texts me "I love the chocolates and the message!". Ok now I kinda know I'm fucked... so I ask her "what does the message say?" She says "hrmm ok did you really write this?" I didn't answer (this is where I probably fucked up, I shoulda told her here that it wasn't me?). I didn't say anything back. She then posts the chocolates and the message on social media and it gets some likes and quick attention. Friend says in private msg, "Hey your gf really liked the message... I was going to tell her you didn't write it but she liked it so much...". In other words, friend let my gf run off with chocolates thinking I said the words... THEN friend later tells gf that I didn't write the words after seeing gf posted the chocolates and message on social media.
Gf texts me again but this time saying she's balling her eyes out right now because I didn't write that and that she's embarrassed she posted it on social media... and then it goes on to alot of one-sided arguments from us both... Not the outcome I was expecting at all.
​
So.. Am I the asshole for trying something different this year and buying her chocolates, but telling friend to just write something nice??? I genuinely just wanted gf to have the strawberry chocolates because she loves chocolates and I was not at all concerned about the message, as I did not know friend was going to write something way extreme. I suppose I can be the asshole for not telling her that I didn't write it. But seriously I did not think it was such a serious matter... I just wanted her to have some awesome sweets for V-day...
TL;DR: Helped a friend's side hustle by buying custom strawberry chocolates with custom message. Told friend to just write something nice. Gf picked up the chosolates, LOVED the message, but later found out I didn't write it, then cried all night and we argued all night. All the while, friend w/ side hustle was gonna tell gf I didn't write it, but decided not to tell her and I was at work while this all happened unaware of the pickup and reaction.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
mgW6hJiMwzGWypoz8JfuX8ssmfw2DnTB
|
b4xtty
|
{
"description": "not liking the phone my mother got me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for not liking the phone my mother got me?
|
AITA for not liking the phone my mother got me, I promised myself I'd never get another iPhone and was planning to buy a Pixel 2 or 3. I was using a iPhone 6 with a really nice charging case and I wasn't too fond of it, but it really wasn't that bad, I could keep it charged all day with the charging case to make up for shitty apple battery life, and I used it for listening to music via headphones and using reddit/discord/youtube. The new phone, the iPhone XR has no 3.5mm jack for my music, it has no home button so closing background apps becomes very annoying, and because my mom got it in a deal swapping from Boost to Sprint, she said I have to pay the extra $15 a month to keep it, and I asked my mother since she got an S9 for me to go to the sprint place and swap out the XR for an S9 so I could listen to music and keep doing what I was doing without going out of my way to buy $200 Airpods. I tried to hide the fact that I was unpleased with my new phone but when one of my friends started to rant about how shitty apple is it put me over the edge and I asked my mother about it this morning, trying to not hurt her feelings, and after I told my sister I didn't care about face emojis and shit she snapped and me, I am now currently locked on my room by my own accord typing on reddit, so Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
dpdlKAxRE5Q133xXPst1Yd4uCWS5cIph
|
ap3xfl
|
{
"description": "calling a customer's dad stupid without realising",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for calling a customer’s dad stupid without realising?
|
So a while ago, this man came into my work and asked for 6 roles of toilet paper right. I told him the total was $30 (they were $5 each). He said no that’s incorrect and told me to go where we had the toilet paper stocked. I followed him there and it said promotions $5 and obviously it was for the packet of 10 rolls. Some were unopened and were packed 6 in a plastic wrap thing. I tell him that those were unopened and they’re sold separately. He then proceeded to rip off the $5 promotions tag and call it false advertising... weird.
But proceed back to the checkouts, the man left and was waiting out side for his son. I talk to my coworker while the son was being served and said, “what was up with that man? He ripped off the tag because some were unopened, kinda annoying” or something like that. The son then yells at me and calls me disrespectful.
I still really horrible about this, it was extremely unprofessional and I keep thinking about it. Like seriously it’s making me so anxious and it happened months and months ago. I need to let it go.
(The store I workout doesn’t sell things for higher than $5, usually in another shop they’d be about $10)
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "talking to my biological mother only to get some documents I want",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I talk to my biological mother only to get some documents I want?
|
Long story, sorry:
My birthmother was never my legal guardian. She gave birth to me and I was immediately put into foster care (but thankfully I have only lived with one family). My adoptive parents (aka "parents") have raised me since then, and I had only met my birthmother a couple of times, last when I was 3. I'm presently 25. Whenever my birthmother was brought up, it was revealed that she had been doing drugs when she was pregnant and the state or county or whatever made her give us up. It was also revealed that she had been diagnosed with schizophrenia and was mentally unfit to be a good mother. Since having been told that, my sibling and I have never really had any interest in meeting her.
Eventually, about 5 years ago, our birthmother (I'm getting lazy, so she's hereby referred to as "BM") reached out to us. My sibling wanted nothing to do with her. BM messaged them and they'd claim that she was writing tons of BS and they just told her to stop messaging her. I hadn't seen the messages she sent me, but eventually came across them. I'm more sympathetic than my sibling, and while I've always said as an argument for seeing her that "if I were in her shoes, then I'd want my child to reach out to me. Because I'd want that, then by not doing that myself is an example of hypocrisy", and I abhor hypocrisy. Despite saying that, I just feel uncomfortable in talking to her. I already have a family with its own issues, and I do not think that I could deal with having another "mother" here, as I'd surely feel obligated to continue talking to her with some frequency despite not wanting to, I just don't care to force a connection or anything. However, I read her messages and wouldn't bother responding, until...
It turns out that I can become an Italian citizen through my BM's father. I had done the research and had asked the appropriate officials, and they didn't say no, but said that they'd have to review the documents. I can't find too many reasons for why they'd say no, but this is something that I really want. Upon reading that, I had started responding to her.
In talking to her, I had found out that she had been sexually assaulted (probably multiple times) by her father as a child, and I wonder if that could've contributed to her having developmental issues (something I forgot to mention earlier, but I also don't know psychology), and also the drug abuse that caused my sibling and I to resent her all of these years.
BM is still "off" in the head. It's really hard to describe, but her writing style is very off and off-putting. This goes along with the developmental issues of "having the mental capacity of a 12yo".
At this point, I again feel a bit sorry for her, but I still don't want anything to do with her and that's a bit of a different "AITA" question in its own right.
Anyway, I had been messaging her for a bit to work up asking her if she'd help me. Eventually I outright told her that I pretty much just want to have Italian citizenship through her father, and that I don't want to promise a future relationship with her. Here, I don't really say no (as I don't like speaking in terms of certainty, and I also want to try to secure the documents), but I also don't really say yes. At least, I think I said it like that. It has honestly been a while since I had last looked at the conversation. She responded saying that she wants to help me and has said that she will help me get the documents.
Yet.. things just seem off. I feel like she doesn't fully grasp that I don't really want to talk to her. I feel like she just doesn't fully grasp much. She guessed who I was by messaging various Facebook accounts with my name, and then when she finally reached one of my accounts (this one had no photo of me), and eventually knew it was me by my responding and acknowledging it, she readily gave out her SSN and has since been forwarding so many "forward if you want good things to happen", and just a terrible writing style with so many mistakes, and gaps in reasoning, and whatnot. I'm worried that I cannot fully convince her that I just want the documentation to be an Italian citizen and that's it.
Anyway, I'm sorry for the rant. I'm planning on messaging her at some point and eventually meeting up with her, and saying that I do not want a continued relationship. I only want the desired documents. If she isn't fully on board, then I'd offer some money in exchange for the documents, even though she had earlier said that she'd be willing.
I feel like this is mostly an asshole thing to do, and is why I haven't done anything for the past ~3.5 years, but I have some people saying I wouldn't be an asshole because "it's not hypocritical, as any parent would want to help their child out" or "you don't know that she's that mentally unwell", yet I feel like the former counterpoint doesn't actually address the matter of hypocrisy, and the latter... idk. It's pretty damn convincing.
Anyway, WIBTA?
**tl;dr:** Separated at birth from birthmother (BM). I have had no desire to speak with her for the first 22 years of my life. ~3 years ago I realized that she could help me to become an Italian citizen, so I started responding to her messages. That is legitimately the only reason why I want to talk to her. I feel uncomfortable in talking to her otherwise, yet I feel obligated to. Partially because of this, I don't respond too often. I had mentioned that I only want to talk to her to get some documents, but I'm not sure that she has fully understood it despite having said that she'll help me, due to clues in our previous conversations supporting the claim that she is mentally unwell. I'm debating on offering her money for the documents and then not speaking to her after such an exchange. WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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asvjld
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{
"description": "feeling uncomfortable and not hugging an autistic person at a convention",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for feeling uncomfortable and not hugging an autistic person at a convention?
|
So I was at comic con last Saturday, I was cosplaying Panty from Panty and Stocking so of course I get a few creeps trying to touch me and talk creepy to me, but I’m used to that.
At this convention I was stopped by someone who I didn’t know and was asked who I was cosplaying. I told them who I was and he asked my name, I gave him my name and shaked his hand, just a nice introduction. He then asked for a hug, and I declined as I didn’t know this guy, I don’t touch or hug people I don’t know, due to a really traumatic experience.
I said it was nice meeting him (even tho I never got his name) and I turned around to catch up with my friends.
He then shouted at me “it’s because I’m autistic isn’t it? I’m autistic so you should hug me”
I was kinda in a state of surprise when he said this. I turned around and explained I wasn’t hugging him, not due to him being autistic as I have an autistic brother, but because I don’t hug people I don’t know.
He then looked really confused and then just walked away mumbling something about how I was dressed slutty.
One of the vendors saw the whole thing and said I should have just hugged him, and another vendor who saw everything asked me if I was okay and wanted to sit down for a minute.
I feel like an asshole and still feel really guilty about the way I acted or behaved, but my friends and my partner think I’ve done nothing wrong and he was kinda creepy.
So I’m asking you reddit, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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as5k9i
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{
"description": "rejecting a guy because he's straight edge",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for rejecting a guy because he's straight edge?
|
Backstory - Currently on Tindr, I (27F) matched with this handsome 29M. We talk for a few days on the app, switch to texting, and make plans to meet.
In one of our conversations, we're joking around about potential deal breakers in relationships. He reveals that he's straight edge. I'm pretty open-minded so I ask him about what that means and how he feels about being with someone who smokes weed & drinks pretty regularly.
I told him that I smoke weed anywhere between 2-4x a week and asked him how he'd feel about that. He said he'd just hang out in another room or watch a movie while I'm high. I felt really sad about that because it's not like I turn into a monster or something embarrassing when I get high. I just laugh a lot and want to hug.
So. I told him after a long discussion about what it means to be "fully present" with someone that I don't think we're compatible. He tried to convince me to meet anyway but I know myself well enough to know that i'd like to smoke & cuddle with my partner.
I feel like an asshole though for turning someone away who just leads a very healthy life. Am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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b7eg06
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{
"description": "wanting to steal my coworkers shoes and feed them to a wood chipper",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for wanting to steal my coworkers shoes and feed them to a wood chipper?
|
I work in an office with a group of nine women. Our office dress code is very casual with only a few restrictions because we don’t work directly with the public. However, there is one lady I’ll call “Mary”. Mary has been working in the office for 25+ years and is used to the more formal dress code that was enforced for a number of years before the casual dress code became the norm.
Mary is a very nice lady, although, sometimes she seems clueless (in more areas than one). She often stays in her own corner and out of the office chatter. (I tend to be a loner at times too, as the work can be consuming.) The only exception to her self-imposed isolation most days is the fact that she has to leave her cubicle to retrieve items she has printed multiple times a day, as the office shares a network of printers, and also to use the restroom, etc.
That’s all well and good, however, recently she began wearing one certain pair of heels that are NOTICEABLY louder than any of the other shoes she wears. It’s almost as though they don’t fit her correctly. It sounds like a goddamned Clydesdale horse is clip-clopping around our office, IMO.
For a long time I thought I was the only one annoyed by this until I casually mentioned my annoyance to another coworker of mine. She adamantly agreed that it is aggravating af. Now, with Mary absorbed in her work and wearing earplugs 99% of the time (ironically because we are “too loud”) she was oblivious to this discussion. Others overheard and chimed in. The remaining eight of us (Mary excluded) are divided exactly down the middle with half of us being annoyed and half of us not caring.
I wear earplugs. I try tuning it out. I cannot, for the life of me, get past the complete and utter rage I feel when I hear her clomping around the office. So tell me, am I (or, should I say, are we collectively) the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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adlj07
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{
"description": "not wanting to date someone because of their weight/body size",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to date someone because of their weight/body size?
|
So a lot of people are probably going to knee-jerk react based on the title and say YTA but please hear me out!
Three weeks ago I was hanging out at a friend’s house with my friend (HS) and his wife (LA). Both are longtime friends of mine. We were just hanging out, playing video games all that good stuff and we got on the topic of why I don’t currently have a girlfriend. When I was in my 20’s I had a two long term relationships, and after they ended I decided to take a break from being in a relationship (for my own sanity and because I didn’t want to hurt anyone else). I’m in my early 30’s now and still single, although I’ve done some dating but nothing serious.
Anyways, this seems to bother my friends that I have little interest in a relationship (I’m always being told that that I should get a girlfriend). They both know my reasons/history for not getting back into the dating game but they are determined to “help me” find someone, always trying to introduce me to friends of theirs ect, ect.
So when HS, LA and I were hanging out and talking about this, they asked me if next time we got together they invited a friend of theirs over to hang out with us, with the primary goal of introducing us. Let’s call her TP. I say sure why not, I figure it’s been a long time and I feel emotionally ready/stable to have a serious relationship again. I tell them sure I’ll meet her.
Fast forward to last weekend, same scenario – hanging out chillin’ playing games except their friend TP is there. She’s nice enough, kinda loud but also really funny and we have some stuff in common. Pretty cool hanging out with her, no problems with her at all.
So as the hangout wraps up, TP says her goodbyes and leaves, I stay a little while longer to chat with HS and LA. They ask me what I thought…I said she was pretty cool but I’m not really interested in pursuing a romantic relationship/dating.. HS doesn’t push the issue (he already knows why) but LA won’t stop asking me why saying we seemed to hit it off… I was being evasive because I knew where this was going and I didn’t want to upset anyone but she was relentless in asking why and eventually said “is it because TP is fat?” (her words not mine). And I finally relent and say yes, that I think she’s a good person and seems nice but I can’t enter a relationship with someone that I’m not physically attracted to. It just wouldn’t end well and would be really unfair to both of us.
LA loses her shit and starts calling me a huge asshole/shallow and all that. Am I? I genuinely feel bad about this whole situation but I’m also going to stick to my guns on this one… being physically intimate in a relationship is important to me and if I’m not attracted to her how is it fair to both of us for me to lie about it?
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ajweqw
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{
"description": "thinking my cousin is selfish for trying for a baby",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for thinking my cousin is selfish for trying for a baby...
|
My cousin has an illness which causes her to be bed ridden 90% of the time and when she’s not bed ridden she’s in a wheelchair a lot. She lives with her husband and her parents as they are her carers. Her and her husband want to try for a baby, they realise that him and the grandparents will be doing most the work and they seem to be ok with that. I just think it’s a bit selfish. I also think it’s stupid of her because she’s ill and is her body even gonna be able to cope with pregnancy?
Anyway aita for thinking this is selfish of her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "asking a socially awkward person to screw off",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for asking a socially awkward person to screw off
|
Let’s call this socially awkward person Tom for simplicity sake. He has difficulties talking to anyone due to the fact that he sees himself above most common people. Whenever he attempts to talk normally to someone, it would usually end up with him offending someone. He also has many other eccentric behaviours like talking to himself during lessons and enjoys showing off his knowledge in front of the class. This results in him having no friends as nobody is willing to deal with his insults or his eccentric behaviour.
However, since last year, he has been very clingy on my group of close friends. He has since invited himself to our table everyday during lunch and as nobody is willing to strike up a conversation with him, he spends most of his time glued to his phone. I feel extremely awkward and annoyed by him sitting around with my close group of friends as he is hindering me from having private conversations with my own friends. I have tried giving him many hints that he should just go somewhere else, but to no avail. He always trails my group and this has been going on for over a year already. He has personally insulted me and my friends quite a number of time and I really want him gone as he’s starting to become a nuisance.
WIBTA if I asked him to screw off and sit somewhere else?
TL:DR A socially awkward person who thinks that he is too intellectual to talk to others keeps sticking to me and my group of friends and I want him gone.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b42jsu
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{
"description": "wanting my New Neighbors to move",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Wanting My New Neighbors To Move?
|
I moved into my 6 unit house a few (3+ years) ago with my SO under the terms in the lease that quiet hours are enforced at all times and it is a place for young professionals. All units are one bedroom and every person that has rented has created a friendly environment where we are able to hold a conversation to the point where if a unit was too noisy at night you can just knock on a door. It has been amazing. This month a new couple moved in who have been the complete opposite. They leave for 12+ hours and have two dogs that carry separation anxiety causing them to bark 5am on even on the weekends. I went to them in the beginning knowing that this couple may have no idea their dogs bark when they leave but they told me they did and to "fuck off." I left it alone, but now I realize this couple also carry two young children under 10 who decide to run up and down the hall yelling and stomping, egging the dogs on to make them howl. I don't feel comfortable approaching them and am now having to go to the library more just too get some quiet. Would I be the asshole for going to my landlord and telling them that this wasn't what I signed up for in my lease?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aj51lf
|
{
"description": "being angry at this guy that could have killed me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being angry at this guy that could have killed me?
|
I live with my mother and my brother, my mother got a boyfriend (i'll call him joe in this post) last year and he come nearly every day to our home and sleeps here
We joke about how he can't do anything right since most of the times that he tries to fix something he only makes it worse (ex: ruining the toiled flush lever) and he also likes the jokes and we let the shit that he does slide
My mother works with shoes and stuff at home and has a mini farm with things like pumpkin and pepper
Yesterday joe in a strange accident killed some plants in the mini farm, i didn't witness it so i don't have the details
Today (like an hour ago) i went to grab a water bottle in the fridge (side note: all the water bottles were like 1 liter and were equal), i grab the bottle with most water in it, the water seems lighter than usual and had a glue(ish) smell to it, but i thought that it might have got the smell from the fridge or something in it, so i pour the water into a cup and drink a bit, then i noticed that the water had a strange taste to it so i spit it out but end up swallowing a bit, i ask my mother if she knew about something and apparently it was a "shoe liquid" that was toxic so i rush to the nearest sink and start to puke i also follow my mother's advice and drink lots of normal water, in the middle of that joe arrives and my mother asks if he knows how the shoe liquid bottle went from under her table at the work room to the fridge in the kitchen, he says that he himself put it there without telling anyone about it since he thought it was water, she tells him that i drank it and that it is toxic so he should get the motorcycle ready if a had to go to the hospital (he doesn't) luckily for me i puked it fast enough so it seems that I'm fine, i slap the back of his head and call him a jerk, he says that i'm stupid for not checking if it was water and a asshole for slapping him, i'm still angry but i walk away and go to my phone to warn my d&d gm that I'm probably gonna be off for some hours and tell my nuc that I'm probably not gonna be able to help her today.
Am i the asshole for still being angry at him even though this was probably more than an hour ago?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
auqpwb
|
{
"description": "talking back to a superior",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for talking back to a superior?
|
AITA for talking back to a superior?
I work at McDonald's and I am 16, meaning it's $13.50/hr (AUD).
I've been working there 3 months meaning I am now an employee and no longer a trainee, but I was rostered with a crew trainer making her my Superior (we will call her Joane). She is normally a very mean person and me and her were on 'OK' terms.
This shift I was with her and it was alright but she was being mean to me like always, and ever since I was a trainee I would be a pushoverand just say "ok" and take it. But at one point she said "I expect more from trainee of the month". This made me slightly angry because she had voted me for that acheivement, but now she was throwing it back at my face, so I replied back with "It isn't that hard to get, you just gotta work a sh*tload of shifts" She then started going off at me about my attitude, and I assume she was taken back by me talking back.
Later she started talking to the manager about my attitude which I called her out for and she finally stopped. We were very quiet for basically the rest of the shift.
Then when my shift was supposed to end I still had more to do, that was vital for the people closing. As I was doing it, I was still managing helping in kitchen because Joane couldn't handle it. She thought that I was purposefully taking longer to get more money, so she asked me for my code, I was very hesitant but I eventually gave it, and worked for 20mins without pay, and everyone including the manager saw it happen.
Once I had finished my shift I went to change and I saw Joan not working but instead with a drink at the back (there were other people in kitchen at this point).
After changing I apologised to Joane because I genuinely felt bad, I didn't realise I had upset her so much, just for talking back once.
AITA? I feel really bad about it. I guess I should've treated my Superior with authority? But then again she doesn't treat any other crew members with that attitude.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aguzr6
|
{
"description": "wanting kids at my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for wanting kids at my wedding?
|
So I’m getting married in a year, and for the most part, the planning has been pretty non-contentious. My fiancé and I have very similar visions for what we want the wedding to look like, and for the most part I’m just letting her pick what she wants to do. However, since the start of the wedding planning, she’s been very firm on having a no kid wedding. I’m not sure where she got the idea, but since she started planning she keeps talking about it. I thought the idea was interesting, but it’s not feasible. She comes from a very small family, maybe 10 total, and I come from a massive family, probably 80 cousins and uncles and stuff total, and a lot of them are still in the 7-10 range, and quite a few under 7. She hasn’t met most of them, but I have, and they’re all decently well behaved. Not statues, but not running around with juice box stains on their face destroying the house. Just regular nice kids, with the exception of the 3-4 actual babies, which are babies so I can’t vouch for their behavior.
I’ve held firm on my position of saying we can’t say no kids, because everyone in my family either has kids or have kids who have kids. My sister for instance, just had twins about a year ago, and one of them is my godson (hers too, kind of, they were born before we got engaged). I kept saying not to worry about it, if people don’t want to bring their kids they’ll just leave them with a babysitter, and if they do bring their kids, it’s not like they’ll stay until midnight drinking. Keep in mind, these are all my cousins, not just people I know. None of my non-family friends have kids.
Anyway, after months of trying to be nonchalant about it, I put my foot down and said we’re not having a no kid wedding. It’s the only thing I requested for the wedding apart from my groomsmen and the after party. She acquiesces, but then recently, I’m at dinner with her mother and her sisters, and the topic somehow comes up. Her mom is going off on all these crazy tangents about how the kids could get burned or hurt in some way, or they’d get electrocuted or they are having a fussy day they’ll throw fits, all kinds of things. I was trying to be understanding, like I said, it’s a smaller family. My fiancé only has one cousin, who’s around 10, and then her two sisters. But all four of them were ganging up on me. Her mother was still going on about how she’d be legally liable for hospital bills if a kid gets hurt (which I can’t imagine a scenario where that would be true) and there’s going to be a firewall and the church has animals, or if a kid gets hurt then the wedding has to come to a halt. The whole thing came off as very condescending, and the conversation seemed to turn from “It would be difficult to have fun at a wedding with kids running around,” to “well I’m paying XX thousand dollars and if you were paying for the wedding then you wouldn’t want kids there either” kind of thing.
At this point my fiancé was backing me up against her mother, but I shut the whole thing down and said we’re not banning kids from the wedding. I didn’t say the wedding was off if no kids, or anything like that, I just told her mother and her sisters the same thing I’d been saying since the start: I have a lot of young cousins, and we’re not going to alienate my family members by having a no kid wedding. Her mother and her sisters seemed to give in, but they were not happy, and the whole dinner was super awkward, and ever since then my fiancé’s mom has been a little chilly about wedding planning.
I don’t think I was being an asshole here, but I wanted some outside input to see what other people thought.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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CI5RGDbn4rKyvhNf0ScwOFCfEMcTdG4H
|
apmoor
|
{
"description": "choosing to cut ties with my immediate family",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for choosing to cut ties with my immediate family?
|
I’m going to try to keep this as unbiased as possible, as it is a huge decision to make and there are a lot of factors involved.
In the Summer of 2017 I proposed to my now fiancé. Shortly after, and before we could set a definite day for the wedding, we found out that we were expecting.
Immediately we decided to prioritize becoming homeowners over the wedding. Thankfully I have a high paying job in a low cost area. Unfortunately my spending/saving habits were not a commitment of mine previously so we did not have the required deposit for a home.
With all options considered, we decided the optimal choice was to move back in with my parents for a year. This would allow us to buy all of the necessities for a newborn as well as potentially save enough for 10% down on our future home.
My parents were very accepting and helpful and offered us their basement. (It may be important to point out that my father makes a significant income and their house is very spacious).
Grateful, we moved in 4 months into our pregnancy and began saving immediately.
Now, I have a sister that is three years older than me and is married, with 4 kids. Naturally, she needs help with childcare and spends much of her time at my parents’ house (she had twin toddlers and two school age children at this time). It’s important to note that my sister is a very opinionated person. It is not uncommon for her verbally assault my parents. Unfortunately, my parents handle this by never opposing her.
Up until this point I had always maintained a good relationship with my sister. She was very encouraging of us to becoming pregnant even before my SO became pregnant.
A few months prior to our due date my sister began to display a more controlling attitude and began to demand that we buy certain car seat. Me, not being an expert when it comes to car seats, agreed that safety was an obvious priority. I told her that I would consider her recommendation.
Despite her wanting us to buy a specific car seat, I decided to do some research and stumbled upon a high quality car seat that was gently used. The owner seemed very credible and stated that she had only used it for 5 months due to her child outgrowing it (bucket seat styled Eddie Bauer car seat). No accidents, very stable, and without any wear or recalls. Expiry set for 2024.
Upon discovering our purchase, my sister flipped out. Screaming at us that we were going to kill our unborn child. To make matters worse, she made a very detailed post on our community Facebook page bashing our decisions and denouncing us as parents. We did receive support from strangers but decided to avoid the post. (We did eventually end up buying a new Graco car seat that can adjust to our babies size up until school age)
A month before our due date my SO had her baby shower. It was a great turn out and everything went as planned. My sister decided not to come. That night we noticed that all of the cake and treats were missing. My sister had stopped by and taken them to her house. We didn’t bother with trying to get it back, but it was obviously annoying.
In April 2018 our son was born healthy and I experienced the best day of my life! Even having the opportunity to catch my son on the way out.
We decided that our son needed his aunt in his life and she visited him in the hospital.
My sister is also an advocate for breastfeeding. My SO was very excited to try and although she experienced a tough first couple weeks, she soon became very comfortable.
My sister was very helpful with the process and this actually strengthened our relationship.
Skip to mid-June, my sister decides that she agrees with the anti vax movement.
At this point my nephews, her two toddlers, are spending every day at my parents house. All 4 of my sisters children become sick, the toddlers significantly more so with respiratory infections.
Thinking of our 3MO newborn sons fragile health (only having T cell immune system and antibodies from breast milk) we courteously asked for my sister to keep her kids away from him until there infections had passed. Do not mistake this for asking her to not come to the house, but alternatively, just to keep them physically away from him and clean surfaces etc..
My sister decided to take offence to this and blew up at my SO, screaming that she was not a member of the family and that she could not tell her to stay away from her parents’ house. My sister then went outside and made claims to my family members that my SO was telling her to leave. My SO came downstairs hysterical and crying. I had been catching an hour sleep prior to a night shift. Irate, I ventured upstairs and began trying to sort through the miscommunication.
By this point my parents had already made up their minds that we were in the wrong. Livid with the how unfairly my family was treating my SO, I began to argue and disagree with them. Essentially resulting in a 3 against 1 argument. After a few harsh words were exchanged and no momentum was being made towards resolution, I decided to leave and prepare for my shift.
Following this, my son developed a high fever (39.0 Celsius), tightness of his airway, and a cough. With us being vigilant and keeping a close eye on his temperature and medicating him accordingly, his temperature and cough resolved approx. 1 week later.
At this point it’s safe to say that our relationship with my family was fragile. As if on point, conversation among my grandparents surfaced that they had been openly calling my son racist slurs (my SO is 1/4 native 3/4 white, my entire family is white). Equally bewildered and confused with the bigotry, we investigated and discovered that these slurs had been commonplace since his birth and that my family had decided to keep it from us to avoid confrontation. Apparently my family did oppose the use of these slurs (but did nothing???)
Immediately, I contacted my grandparents to give them the chance to explain themselves, only to find out that my sister had already done so. This resulted in my grandparents giving us a quick apology over Facebook with my sister tagged in the conversation (more so to ensure a future relationship with my sisters children). I then asked for my grandparents to arrange a time/place to meet to have a proper discussion to which they declined. I also asked my sister to leave the conversation so that it could remain private, she refused.
With no true effort to explain themselves or meet with us, we cut our relationship off with my grandparents.
The last piece of information I need to provide for you to establish an understanding of our situation involves my parents.
In 2018 (around when we moved in) it became apparent that my mother had cheated on my father with another man (a man that she met in church no less during a mission trip).
My father decided to move into a rented duplex. The idea was that this would give him time to digest the information and come to a decision whether to stay in the relationship or not (my mother was regretful despite the affair lasting a number of years).
Essentially, their marriage is confusing and I would have to create a new post to give you the entire story... but, to spare you the details, my father decided to forgive my mother and move back into the house. Albeit, with a great deal of passive aggressiveness and no true forgiveness.
It then became apparent that my father had cheated on my mother with a coworker, as well as sleep with a number of escorts on his business trips and that this had been going on for a very long time (why did i even need to know this?? 🤢)
In the fall of 2018 things spiralled out of control and came to a climax after they returned from a neighbours party. They came home fighting and screaming. Hearing the altercation, I ran upstairs and separated the two of them. After things had settled I made my way back downstairs only to hear further altercation, then a guttural scream and my mother repeatedly stating “he broke my wrist”. Being trained to deal with injuries such as this I separated the two of them, assessed the injury, noticed that my mothers wrist was indeed broken, and splinted it. My father had pushed her to the ground causing the break. I spent the night with my mother in the hospital until she came home with a cast.
My sister and I packed up necessities for my father and told him that he needed to stay elsewhere for the time being.
This was close to Christmas 2018. Incredibly, my mother decided to “let things go for Christmas” and acted like nothing was wrong. My father moved back in. I also have a 13 y/o sister and this had traumatized her as she had witnessed the altercation the night of the injury. I felt that they were setting a poor example for her and confusing her. My parents saw no issue with this.
Shortly after, the verbal fights started once again and my SO and I decided it was beyond time to move. We began to meet with financial advisors and look at the surrounding real estate market.
It is important to note that at this time, our relationship with my immediate family is practically non existent. Something that I did not mention is how our sons sleep schedule has been a complete mess. My sister brings her kids over every night and keeps then here past his bed time. This wouldn’t be a problem if we didn’t live in the basement, below the living room where they run around with no supervision and no effort on my sisters part is made to stop the noise.. this has been going on since our sons birth.
This came to a climax one night with my dad babysitting all 4 kids. I had previously asked him to move the kids upstairs to the second floor after our sons bedtime. My father did not respect this and allowed for the kids to continue to stay above our room with the kids.
Irate, I went upstairs and told the kids to go
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Uk1hipZ5BiVCZtBJDShu04v4yScejrth
|
aal6b5
|
{
"description": "dating my friend's ex",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for dating my friend's ex
|
Just some context : I'm in high school now was put into a new class at the start of the year. I made friends with this edgy guy(friend) I thought was cool. We became closer and closer and eventually I found out he was depressed due to having been bullied and ostracized by his former classmates. I stuck by his side and tried to comfort him when he was feeling down for the next 3 months. At this time he began to trust me.
There's this girl in my class who was objectively attractive. Now my friend was humorous and one day that girl admitted to having a crush on him. He texted me that as we were close friends. At that time I felt happy for him, even though I was trying to cheer him up daily it didn't really help. I thought maybe a gf would make his depression better. He was unsure about his emotions towards her though. We talked daily and discussed about her and how he should go about her liking him.
After around 2 weeks he realised he liked her back, and they got together. They had a good relationship for the next 2 months. As I got to bond with my class more I became friends with his gf too. However, one day she texted me that she was losing feelings towards him due to the relationship becoming one-sided and he did not care much bout her feelings but she was expected to help his depression everyday and she felt tired and overwhelmed.
I didn't tell him that she texted me that because I didn't want to betray her trust. We started texting about her predicament. She wanted to end things but minimize the damage to his feelings. As we texted and talked more I began to feel attracted to her. However I didn't want to complicate matters so I didn't admit that yet.
She ended up breaking this off with him but it left him hating her(really really really long story). With their break up, his depression amplified ten fold. He would send multiple depressive texts to me daily and I tried my best to comfort him but I began to understand what she meant by feeling overwhelmed by his depression and how even out friendship became one sided. He was on a downward spiral. At this point I had multiple classmates tell me about how he was attention seeking and basically just screamed "I have depression" at everyone. For that reason and more(even more long stories)I broke off out friendship(I did it in an asshole way and left him hating me too).
His ex and I became closer and closer friends and one day I manned up and confessed to her. She had feelings towards me too. We started dating(not publicly).
P.S. I know there's a lot of **long stories** that probably has an impact on the verdict but I don't have enough time to write them now. I might later if people ask for it when I get the time.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
b0rx74
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{
"description": "not wanting to be around people I don't like",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be around people I don't like?
|
I go to a very small school, theres about 15 people in my whole grade. Recently me and two other girls haven't been getting on well with the rest of the girls, no major incidents just conflicting personalities and a few bitchy remarks. We decided that we would go out for drinks soon. The rest of the girls found out and we decided we didn't want them to come due to the tension. However I found out that they invited them anyway and I'm annoyed about it. AITA? or should I just accept that they're coming to be nice?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
AUmbjYRG2C5rvYGpypALAvKEdda0F9IW
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b9mlum
|
{
"description": "not wanting to hear about my mother-in-law's illness all the time",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA because I don’t want to hear about my mother-in-law’s illness all the time?
|
My mother-in-law was diagnosed with cancer a couple years ago, went through chemo, and is now in remission.
My husband and I only see her once a year due to the distance and their strained relationship. She and my husband talk on the phone about once a month. Typically, she will ask him how he’s doing, how I’m doing, and then she will talk about herself for the rest of the conversation. For example, on his birthday, she asked what we were doing for his birthday and then shortly after he answered, she started talking about how she’s scared the cancer is going to come back. (My husband’s birthday is around the time of her second birthday.) My husband said he preferred not to talk about that on his birthday (this was the first time they had spoken in weeks) and tried to steer the conversation in another direction. Then she started talking about someone else she knew who has cancer. He said he had to go and he’d talk to her later.
A couple months ago, we invited her into town for a big celebration for my husband. We invited her, her husband, and a couple of my husband’s friends for dinner at a nice restaurant. My mother-in-law started talking to one of my husband’s friends about her cancer treatment and started playing a slideshow (complete with music) on her phone of her during treatment. My husband told her to turn it off as it wasn’t the time or place as we were in the middle of dinner. It was very loud and other people in the restaurant were starring.
Most of the conversations with her seem to be focused around her cancer story, someone she knows who is sick, her final wishes, etc. Like clockwork, if there’s a lull in the conversation, she will start up about something regarding her treatment. I will politely listen but my husband will usually chime in that we should talk about something else.
Are my husband and I the assholes because we don’t want to listen or talk about my mother-in-law’s cancer the few times we talk or see her every year?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
XIESXnsyuZQwI4OW0mZSthyueTa3Hlxy
|
aufhfm
|
{
"description": "deciding to stop paying union dues",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA if I decide to stop paying union dues?
|
Pretty simple stuff. At work, I am covered by a union. A big one, spanning every store in the company AFAIK, albeit with different branches obviously for different markets and stores.
I pay around 9 dollars **a week** in union dues, and so do plenty of other people in the store, and in each store.
This comes out to over 450 dollars a year.
I am covered by the union agreements whether I pay dues or not. I understand that dues are necessary to fund the union's actual goings-on, but I feel like after working here for 9 years and paying 9 dollars a week for those 9 years, maybe I should be allowed to opt out without anyone being upset about it.
Nobody will know- it's not information disclosed to union stewards. I do work directly with a union steward and am a little worried about him finding out, though.
If he does find out, he will get upset. New hires are also told that union dues are opt-in, "but the union guys will be mad if you opt out", as just a friendly warning to expect them to get a little upset with you about it.
Additionally, I have worked here this long and am still not next in line for full time. I work part time and I get inconsistent hours. I average pretty good hours but some months I hover around 20-ish hours a week, though I do make a bit over minimum wage (about 5 and a half dollars over at the time of writing). But 9 bucks a week is more than I pay for dental and optical insurance. 9 bucks a week would pay for 2/3rds of a month of rent. 9 bucks a week is more than I spend on eating out. 9 bucks a week is money I could be adding to my savings.
AITA for deciding to opt out? Are people assholes for deciding not to opt in?
450 dollars a year is a lot of money.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
Tj5DC4z0wFKdMPYcuFfwFT7nRsoWP7UX
|
b7ek3f
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be friends with an ex if they don't want to try again",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I don't want to be friends with an ex if they don't want to try again?
|
Long story short:
I broke up with my ex a few months ago due to how she treated me. I still had feelings for her but I couldn't put up with it anymore. We kept in contact, lots of fighting but we also talk about our relationship a lot.
Since then she started therapy and over the past few months has made radical steps to be a better person. She's noticeably nicer and is treating me extremely well.
I have made it very clear I still have feelings and considering her change would like to try again.
The problem:
She's openly said she no longer has feelings for me but keeps making it very confusing with things like "I want to spend my life with you", "I never want to lose you", and generally acting in all ways but sexual like we are back together.
I don't think she's leading me on, I just think she is very confused about how she feels.
Ok AITA:
I told her that if she wants to be with me I would like to try again but if she doesn't want to try again I can't be friends considering I still have feelings and that it would be too complicated and hurt me too much. I gave her a few days to think about it.
I told my house mate about this and he said I was being an arsehole and claimed I was "forcing her to get back with me" by using ending our friendship as a threat.
That wasn't my intention, but now I'm worried it looks like it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
14e3kEKmLEnvmxlo8SVH7zjt5MlcUUYl
|
b8a5o5
|
{
"description": "making a racially insensitive joke to one of my close friends",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for making a racially insensitive joke to one of my close friends ?
|
We are both mixed race and both have brown skin just to clarify. I have a close group of friends we are both in. He and his best friend always make fun of each other. They use the N word with one another, they use the same kind of terms to me too. Most of the time I dislike using terms like that because it makes me uncomfortable to say. However I take no offense in them using those terms towards me or one another because I recognize it's just joking between friends.
None of us would ever use these terms outside of our friend group.
Well, one night I got a bit drunk and I called said friend "colored". He decided to then block and mute me in our discord group and refuse to talk to me . (Not just online friends btw we've met in person several times ) this went on for months. I couldn't talk to him because he'd blocked me and I was so hurt that he'd done this that I didn't try too hard to talk either .
I finally got fed up with him asking our friends to do things specifically excluding me, and talking with them like I wasn't even there. His best friend has said FAR worse to him than me who rarely even uses terms like this.
I did eventually own up and apologize that I hurt his feelings, leaving out the fact that I didn't understand why they were hurt given the nature of our friend group . I gave an honest apology.
I did mention how him blatantly ignoring me and refusing to talk me, making plans with friends where he knew I could see etc destroyed my trust with him.
From his point of view I used that I was drunk as an excuse for saying the word , and that there are some words you just can't say to him and that I should know that.
Soooo. AITA ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
dgbN622WUXZF20DFO1cWyBKsmAsE6Ewk
|
a6eq6n
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my friends",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my friends
|
My friends and I haven't properly hung out in quite a while, going on a couple months now, and tonight was the first time we've had the chance and everything was going really well we were all having a good time and then out of nowhere 3 of them start getting these other guys they barely know to bring other people over. Like a lot of people and the only reason is because they wanted to get laid. All I wanted to do was have a good time with my friends and it seems like they don't really give a fuck.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
HIGZtP9CQ9YJNjUnqzdvfCepwNI0xNRn
|
b4bwx5
|
{
"description": "talking to the kids of a house I delivered food to",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for talking to the kids of a house I delivered food to?
|
I’m a new delivery driver, and whenever I deliver to a house if there’s a kid there I generally say hi to them or answer any questions they have about the pizza (kids can be really creative) and the parents usually laugh or don’t mind. Today, however, a parent really got on my case about talking to kids that aren’t mine and even called the store afterwards to talk to my manager (nothing really happened). This being the first time somebody scolded me for something like this it’s making me wonder if all/most parents really feel that way or if they really don’t mind and this is a special case. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
gxRHiCFGXA0uUlbKxSPDPc1rnROkVyo9
|
av6oda
| null |
AITA? Divorce, Cancer, Death. Adult Child in the middle.
|
There is way too much of a story to go into great detail. Basically, I moved overseas at the end of 2012 and returned to my hometown in Aug 2017. About a month before I was set to return my mother filed for divorce from my father (main issue was cheating but in the argument when he was served papers he also hit my mom with a vehicle lightly so there was a dom violence charge as well). My father has what we believe to be narcissistic personality disorder, can't really be confirmed. But he tries to control everyone and gaslight people into doing what he wants them to do. The divorce was not a big surprise but still depressed me greatly, I never thought my dad was the greatest, but finding out he cheated pretty much the entire marriage weighted on me greatly. He told me he blamed my mom for my disability (non genetic, but he says that she smoked cigarettes during pregnancy) in and attempt to get me on his "side" during the divorce (even though I was staying neutral as I could at the time).
February of 2018 my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer expectancy 1 year. I moved back in with her, managed her treatment, meds, coordinated home care when I had to work, did literally everything for her for as long as I could keep her at home. I worked with the lawyers because the cancer affected her speech, but she made it abundantly clear that she wanted the divorce and most of the work was done before the diagnosis. He dragged out the divorce as long as possible as I assume he wanted her to die before it was settled. She got what we believe is and equitable settlement at the end of Sept. He appealed and attempted to not pay court ordered alimony and splits of the retirement accounts.
She wrote her will back in March of last year leaving my brother and me each 50% of her estate, mostly retirement accounts she gets from my father in the divorce.
My father now blames me for the divorce that cost him most of his retirement, because I wouldn't convince my mother to cancel it, and I helped her when she needed it and got her the thing she wanted most, her own freedom.
My mother passed almost 3 weeks ago and now I kinda feel like an asshole getting this inheritance since she wasn't able to even really spend much of it because of the cancer.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
GG1HBywddQJiEuEyQDkkDFhb7cMyjnqD
|
b8o4bp
|
{
"description": "not tipping the Waiter",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA For Not Tipping the Waiter?
|
So me and a few friends went to a semi fancy restaurant, and our waiter was pretty awful to say the least. It took him 10 minutes to even take our drink orders, and we saw him probably 4 times over the course of 2 hours. We came to the restaurant when it was daily full and were unable to leave until we were the last table because it took incredibly long to get anything from him. He had other waiters bring over our appetizers, and it took him over 10 minutes anytime we requested anything. The only time he was anything resembling quick was when we requested the check, which we made sure to do in advance because of how long it took to get everything else. I don’t have high standards, I don’t need to be fawned over, but this was fast food levels of quality service. And he wasn’t busy, he was waiting on two other tables and wasn’t spending much time with them either. When the check came I left no tip, and one of the people I was with was upset about it. My argument is that if I had been at a fast food restaurant I would have gotten faster service and left no tip for it, but she claims that we should have left something even if it wasn’t a large tip. So AITA? I don’t feel good about it, but I feel that’s part of tipping culture. Do a bad job, get a bad tip. Let me know
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
qySJ947IPxhBUtSLjCcjGanoJXWeF1g6
|
b1tcnd
|
{
"description": "not wanting my bf to see someone else when we hadn't discussed the relationship be exclusive",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my bf to see someone else when we hadn't discussed the relationship be exclusive? (Please read the whole story before commenting)
|
Sorry, a little long. I'm on mobile. Formatting etc.
Here's some back story.
Gf or me=me
Bf=my bf
So when I was 17 I dated a 23 y/o, yeah I know stupid. I wasn't allowed to date til I was 18 and this was my first relationship so I was very naive. Definitely neckbeard kinda guy, definitely an asshole in himself.
So one day he ask how my parents would react if they found out my bf was something or other (I don't remember), maybe going to film school?🤷. So I told him that my parents couldn't recognize him as my boyfriend when I first told them because I was only 17 and wasn't supposed to date for another year.
If I had told them even a year later, they would realize I had dated someone when I wasn't allowed.
So I guess he low-key took this to mean we weren't bf and gf, even though I told him that we were still bf and gf even though I couldn't tell my parents.
Now the situation
This guy hates his dad because he's generally disapproving of anything and everything he does.
An overly critical and pretty controlling father,I have a similar type so I'm pretty empathetic.
His date tells bf that he has a girl he should date because this girl is the daughter of some business man who could give bf a job in the field he's trying to break into.
I asked bf why he didn't just tell his dad that he just had a girlfriend. He gave me some b.s. answer like he wouldn't care or wouldn't approve of me if I wasn't extremely rich. (Now my dad is Dr and pretty well off and everyone in my family is in the medical field and I'm going in too, so everyone in my family is pretty well to do).
This wasn't enough, he didn't tell his dad he was seeing someone. He saw this girl and decided that he that she wasn't for him Cause She Was Into Kinky Stuff. THAT WAS THE ONLY REASON HE TOLD ME. He seemed very interested in the size of her chest.
Anyways, I didn't stand up for myself because I was naive and afraid that he would end the relationship (he was kind of manipulative so he would try to give off the vibe that he might end it over nothing).
Later on he told me he didn't think we were actually bf and gf because we didn't have enough "traditional dates" (even though every time I asked him to do something he would say
"we don't have to go out all the time").
So I guess he didn't really think of me as his gf.
Am I the asshole for not wanting this guy to go out with another girl even though we were only a couple months in and hadn't had a firm discussion about our relationship status?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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ap9w2u
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{
"description": "not sharing my drawing Tablet/downloading an art app on my computer",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Not Sharing My Drawing Tablet/Downloading an Art App on My Computer?
|
For a bit of context, my sister is almost 13 and I'm 16. So, as teenage siblings, we don't want to share our stuff if we don't feel the need to. We both enjoy both traditional and digital art. I got a computer for Christmas and my sister keeps asking me to get stuff for her on it. I occasionally get her a few steam games that are $5 or less that she likes (This is out of my own bank account/steam gift card, btw).
She recently broke up with her toxic boyfriend and is now asking me for stuff more frequently. Today she wouldn't leave my room when I asked nicely, so I started to raise my voice at her to get out and she laughed it off like it was a joke. About an hour ago she came back into my room and asked if she could use her tablet to draw on my computer. As I was in the room and not doing anything on my computer I gave the ok. She couldn't figure out how to connect her tablet and went to Google (Again, I gave her permission to do this). After she still couldn't figure it out, she asked to use my drawing tablet. Now I don't like sharing my tablet because, well, it's mine and while she is careful with technology she's not great with putting my things away, so I told her no. She kept asking why not and I gave the shitty excuse of "My cable isn't that great". I would have just given her the truth of "I don't want you to use my tablet" if I hadn't done that in the past and she tells me to give her a good reason.
I keep telling her no and insisting that my cable is broken, so she takes to trying to find a substitute cable, which doesn't work. She goes back to trying to figure out how to connect her tablet. She figures out that she needs to download something onto my computer in order for her tablet to work. She asks me if she can download it, and I tell her to give me a minute and I'd look at it. I was reading something on my phone and I didn't want to loose my place, so I decided to finish reading and then come take a look. When I told her this she flipped and asked, "Why can't you look at it now?" Again, I've told the truth in the past and she doesn't buy it as if I'm lying or something. I give her the excuse of "I'm really busy looking up something for class right now". She's still pissy at me. We have a fight and she eventually leaves angry. I saw she put my drawing tablet in the middle of my floor once I was done reading (which took me less than 2 minutes to finish).
Am I the asshole for not wanting her to use my tablet or download anything without me reading it first?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
gBXEe7u8Bf5yvLL4YLSgT1wFX2YDFMsm
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afg5rt
|
{
"description": "refusing our family vacation",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I refuse our family vacation?
|
Every few years, my entire extended family takes a vacation together as a group. It’s always been a big deal to my grandparents, and my grandfather recently passed. My grandmother really wants us to go, but we just found out we are pregnant. A little background: This is a high risk pregnancy, and our last pregnancy ended at 20 weeks to unknown causes. I’m on a daily blood thinner and a few other medications to hopefully prevent a second loss. This vacation is planned for when I would be about 6 months pregnant, so in theory I should be able to travel, but the vacation is to Yellowstone and I’m pretty uncomfortable being away from easy doctor access. It’s also either a full 24 hour drive, or a short flight plus a 6 hour drive to our destination.
I told my grandmother about the pregnancy today, and we had previously talked and I had told her we wouldn’t if I was pregnant, but she was still being pretty insistent that I come. I don’t get to see her often, she is getting up in age (and has some chronic health issues), and we are very close. WIBTA if I don’t go?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
DAS7gBjMl4T2QGGyE4EsnktI2L2KVi3q
|
b71ni1
|
{
"description": "not babysitting a family member's toddler on my vacation",
"pronormative_score": 109,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not babysitting a family member’s toddler on my vacation?
|
Ok reposing, this got removed because I didn’t format correctly, sorry!
So I live in a different part of the country than my family. They live pretty far away and I only see them a couple times per year. A while back I was visiting during the Christmas holiday. I’d taken a couple weeks off of work to spend some time with my family.
I was chilling at my parents’ house and looking forward to a day of shopping, eating at my favorite restaurant and other fun relaxing things.
This family member calls the house and asks somebody to watch her 3 year old for the day. She had to work and her MIL had backed out. They said no, they also had to work. She asked them to ask me. Didn’t ask me herself, had somebody else do it. I said no, that I had plans, and went back to my coffee, thinking that would be the end of it.
Nope. The next few hours I get messages like
“Really. REALLY?! You can’t watch a 3 year old for a few hours?”
“She has a car seat. You can literally take her anywhere you go.”
When I didn’t answer she started posting to Facebook. Stuff like “I can’t believe how selfish people are.” “I have to call in to work because some people can’t possibly take a minute from their busy schedules to watch [toddler], Hope I don’t get fired.” “Wow. Just wow.” “You’d think family would be there for you.” “Must be nice not to have any responsibilities.” Just posting all day. Instead of looking for alternate, more appropriate child care she blew up Facebook.
It was never brought up again, but I do get the sense that she holds this against me. She drops a lot of “must be nice” type comments. And I haven’t talked to the rest of our family about it beyond “yeah I think those Facebook posts were about me. Oh well.” I’m pretty sure they think I’m selfish anyway so I guess what’s one more thing? I dropped it because I don’t see my family often and I don’t want to spend that limited time arguing. Nobody’s brought it up to me.
Anyway, AITA? I honestly could have cancelled my plans and watched her kid. I just didn’t want to. I didn’t feel like I should have to, and besides that I don’t even live there. She’s also really bad about expecting every family member to be free on call childcare...and tbh I don’t want to set a precedent where she thinks she can rely on me when I’m in town.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
hLnh75IiOHQFzfLgnb5z47fofTGElxoS
|
9yz9k8
|
{
"description": "not letting my girlfriend borrow my car",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting my girlfriend borrow my car?
|
This happened a few years ago with my then girlfriend, but this story to me always stuck out and I've wanted some perspective on this.
My girlfriend was driving from Boston to New York to visit her family for the weekend. It's about a 5 hour drive, depending on the traffic.
About 1-2 hours away, in the middle of Connecticut she gets into a car accident on the highway. Thankfully nobody is hurt but her car is destroyed beyond repair. Naturally I get a phone call from her shortly after this happens, and she tells me the situation. I immediately tell her that I'll be on my way right now to come pick her up from being stranded, but she says to not worry about it because her father is already doing that.
After her family visit she comes back home and we hang out shortly after. That night she asks if she can use my car to driving to/from work and any social/networking gatherings she needs to attend to. I respond that I don't feel comfortable with that because it's under my name, and god forbid anything happens to her in the car, I'm legally liable for her actions. I tell her while I'm okay with driving her around to places when I'm able to, that I'm uncomfortable with her driving my car and can't do it currently. She immediately gets upset and tells me that I'm not a supportive boyfriend and have been unhelpful from this whole experience. I took offense to that because when she got in the accident, I was ready to drop everything I was doing to drive 3-4 hours to come help. In her eyes, that action doesn't count because she didn't need help from me "in that way." She reaffirms her stance that I'm being shitty because I should let her use my car given her circumstance, despite how I feel in regards to law.
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
EvqkHPNWtzK8YEpHW9JUnLZv719KoG0p
|
ag2pyj
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my mom for throwing me a birthday party",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my mom for throwing me a birthday party
|
So today’s my birthday and a while ago my parents asked me what I wanted to do. I specifically told them I wanted to do absolutely nothing. I didn’t just say “nothing”. I made it clear that I wanted to sit in my room and do absolutely nothing because they’ve made the mistake of confusing “nothing” for “hey I have no expectations so just throw a small last minute get-together.
I said nothing because I’ll be going back to college in a week and I know my friends are throwing me a party and I’m not really the type of person to enjoy a lot of parties.
So back to today, I wake up and repeat that I want to do absolutely nothing but alas I get called downstairs in the evening and my mom tells me to change into nicer clothes and come greet our guests as she’s invited a whole bunch of neighbors and friends.
I don’t want to make a scene so I change and come downstairs but I take my mon aside and I’m like ?????? and asking her why tf she did this while also getting mad at her. Her response was basically that my sister wanted to cut a cake(she’s 9 and I just turned 20).
So I basically got really mad at my mom and I ended up crying a little because I really hate parties and social interaction with people I don’t want to spend my birthday with. (I did yell at her a bit and that was a slight overreaction so prob the asshole on that part).
AITA for getting mad at/yelling at my mom for throwing me a party when I specifically asked to not have one?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
hzIUM0qLkExWOYVNYFdFt7s75UAIqNVI
|
9y1jlu
|
{
"description": "spanking ex-gf or for telling her that I thought she dealt with problems badly",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for spanking ex-gf or for telling her that I thought she dealt with problems badly?
|
So my now-ex broke up with me a while ago, and some of the things she listed as reasons have stuck in my head. So, am I the asshole for:
We were having sex, and she was on top. We were cuddling for a bit, and I started (lightly) drumming on her butt (lightly slapping). She said that it kinda turned her on, so I asked if she wanted it a little harder, and she said definitely yes. So for the rest of that particular session i was just about continuously spanking her while she was on top. (Asking "more?", "too hard?" Etc every now and then or whenever it seemed like it might have been too much. Immediately afterwards she was glowing a little and was kinda giggly etc. So we cuddled for a little while before going and cleaning up.
The next day she sent me a message saying "omg my butt is super bruised maybe not so hard next time". Ok, that's fair.
Later on occasionally when we had sex I'd ask her if she wanted to be spanked, and sometimes she didn't, and that was okay, and sometimes she was excited for it (vocally), so I'd spank her (but nothing ever as intense as that first time), and try to avoid too much overlap on her butt so it didn't mark.
Hickeys were in a similar bag, she gave my my first few hickeys, and I tried to give her some too. She told me to avoid certain places due to not wanting it to be exposed while she was studying or working, so I kept them all under where her work clothes covered.
Now after breaking up, she says she can't forgive me for hitting her and "sending her home with bruises every weekend". The only times I hit her were when i was spanking her, when, to the best of my knowledge she had consented, continuously and enthusiastically. After the first time, she didn't mention any bruising again, and stayed (apparently to me) enthusiastic about it right up until breaking it off.
Second thing:
Immediately after the breakup she said that she was trying to work out how to reconcile our friendship, so I told her (in reasonable detail and backed up with examples) the things that she would have to change for us to be friends. Later she told me that this was me being insulting and treating her like a child.
- her method of solving interpersonal problems consisted of telling someone they were terrible, then refusing to help fix or even discuss it (mutiple times with me, and screenshots)
- when someone went to her with a problem she shut it down immediately. (Seriously, you're hurt by that? *Really?*) (multiple times with multiple people, lots of screenshots)
- When she went to people with problems she expected them to immediately understand. If they didnt, she got mad and stopped talking to them for a bit. (Multiple people, multiple times, handful of screenshots)
Of course, in line with point #2, she immediately said no you're wrong and didn't contend with any of the points or screenshots.
Am I the asshole, one of two assholes, or not an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
yrHROj95QorwsDjdcwqUsc1q9yN7G49S
|
awjrjx
|
{
"description": "losing my brother's son",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for losing my brother’s son
|
I took my brother’s four kids to the grocery store as a favor to him. The kids are all under 7, and they wander a lot. I managed to herd them through the grocery store and was obsessively counting and recounting them but we turned a corner and I realized I was down a kid.
I put the other three in the cart so I wouldn’t lose them (my original plan for the whole trip but the store employee yelled at me and said no kids could be in the cart) and go running back through the aisles and can’t find him. I immediately call 911 and alert the staff.
911 keeps me on the line until the police get there. It was an insane scene, with like 5 police cars pulling up at once. They locked down the store and as soon as I stopped talking to them I called my brother.
They found my nephew immediately, he was sitting way back in the shelf, eating cereal out of one of the boxes. I was literally still on the phone with my brother when they found him.
I get home and my brother lays into me for almost 2 hours. Screaming on and on about how irresponsible I am and how he should’ve never trusted me with his kids. I kept trying to leave and he blocked the door and kept screaming. He told me I’d never be a mom, how my children would be taken away by social services because I’m a fat slob who can’t properly do “what women are born to do.”
I finally got out of there and will probably never baby sit his kids again. AITA in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"OTHER": 20,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
uBokNVpkAgNwPhCFDbNjVmiI8q2sLYTd
|
atmb2c
|
{
"description": "not learning any new subjects to talk about with my husband",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not learning any new subjects to talk about with my husband?
|
It’s gotten to the point with my husband where he barely talks to me anymore. I get a grunt here or there, or only things he absolutely has to tell me, like about the kids or bills. And when I talk to him I can see his eyes glaze over after about three seconds and I know he has checked out.
This has been going on for a while now, and I finally forced him to talk about it. He told me it’s because all I ever talk about is “boring chick stuff”, like relationships, celebrities, family drama, etc I was hurt by what he said, but I have to admit those are the subjects I’m mostly interested in. I don’t think this makes me boring, but I’m determined to improve my relationship with him.
So when I get a chance during the day I try to learn about the things he likes, such as watching history documentaries or reading about sports. But to me, those things are boring and I can’t focus on them.
But I can’t just not talk to my husband, so when he gets home from work I just talk about what I want to talk about, and hope something sticks. But about 99% of the time he looks annoyed, then goes to another room.
Am I the asshole for not making more of an effort to like what he likes, and for desperately trying to talk to him about the things that interest me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
E3ZAfalcQfW4wLSXmnPDFjti70uxm1Od
|
b5o6fk
|
{
"description": "refusing to leave an overwatch competitive match",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA because I refused to leave an Overwatch competitive match?
|
Apologies if this isn’t the right place for the content of my post, and for any formatting issues, I am on mobile. This is about a video game so it’s no big deal or anything, just something that’s bugging me a little.
So this morning I had some extra time before my classes started, and since I usually spend my evenings reading I decided to start up Overwatch and play a competitive game of three. For anyone who doesn’t know, Overwatch is a FPS multiplayer, and the competitive mode in Overwatch involves two teams of six either pushing a payload or getting control of a certain point in the map. If someone leaves the competitive mode of this game, no new players are allowed in so you’re left facing a team of six with five players. You get penalized if you leave a competitive match, you lose 50 points and you’re not allowed to play in that mode for 10 minutes.
During my the second game, everything was going fine until one of the members of my team left the game. My team tried but there was just no winning, so everyone except for me left. I wasn’t sure of the extent of the punishment I would receive for leaving a competitive match, and since there was only about 4 minutes left I figured I would just stick around and lose this game so that I could play again immediately after the game. No malicious intent on my part at all.
At first the other team was sympathetic, but then two or three of them started complaining that I was punishing them by wasting their time because I was salty for my loss. I wanted to explain that this wasn’t the case, but then I figured that no matter what I say they will believe what they want, and there was only a minute left anyway. The messages got rather nasty and I was accused (among other things) of being a bad person and I’m pretty sure they reported my account. I didn’t get mean in my responses to them, just said it wasn’t my fault my team left either and that they were getting a free win, not how you’d want to play a game but not bad for them either.
My reasoning was that they just needed to wait for a little while and get a free win, and we could all be on our merry way, but after thinking about it I’m feeling guilty. Maybe I should have just left and copped the admittedly mild punishment, and not wasted anyone else’s time.
So I want to ask the benevolent members of reddit, was I an asshole for not leaving the game?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
q1aOEqOrTu8Ecadn6kP6TevlP38x0wwn
|
9z9jo4
|
{
"description": "telling my S/o that PETA kills animals when she was upset after watching a lot of their videos",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my S/O that PETA kills animals when she was upset after watching a lot of their videos?
|
I (17M in CO) recently started a long distance relationship with a girl (17 in Germany) when we met at the open day for a university in the Netherlands. Everything has been going well, but her time zone is 8 hours ahead of mine, so she goes to bed at around 15:30 (3:30PM) my time. Today, we said goodbye at around that time, but then she texted me around 16:30 telling me that she was crying because she had been watching a bunch of videos from PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals). As a side note, I still am I unsure why she watches videos that make her so upset.
For additional context, I have never liked PETA. When I first heard about them, it was mostly the ridiculous shit they said like having a pet is slavery. However, a friend recently told me about the side of PETA that's not just a joke, and that they kill animals ([https://www.petakillsanimals.com/](https://www.petakillsanimals.com/)).
So when my S/O reached out, I told her that PETA is actually horrible and is responsible for the deaths of thousands of animals. I realize her being upset and in tears was almost definitely the wrong time to tell her this, but I thought it was really important that she know this stuff as soon as possible. When I told her, she said she would do some research and we'd talk tomorrow. It was 0:30 her time at this point, so I wanted to let her rest, but I worry she also felt really hurt by my response because she was probably feeling vulnerable and sad and looking for comfort, and I provided the exact opposite of that.
So AITA for dropping that truth on her, or should I have just said nothing? Frankly, I would feel conflicted either way.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
B14rGZYQEFG6eoce3Ppo4TAXLAd6ucFX
|
b5jkoa
| null |
AITA for a super market scuffle?
|
There is plenty of room in this place. It's not that crowded either because it was past the lunch rush at around 2.
I was standing in line, minding my own business with 3 people ahead of me. Of course, like any civilized and polite member of society, I was leaving a bit of breathing room between me and the person in front of me. To be fair, I usually leave an extra 6 inches or foot, just because I don't want to invade anyone's bubble of personal space and vice versa.
If it's crowded, sure, I'll bite the bullet and squeeze in, but like I said, there was plenty of room. No banisters or barriers or anything, just a checkout and about 30-40 feet in all directions, bordered by a cafeteria line behind, and two seating areas to the sides.
And I could sense a basket come up behind me. It was a little too close and not directly behind me, but to the side, so that I could see it in my peripheral vision without moving my head. I didn't pay any attention because I am just reading on my phone and patiently waiting.
So the first guy is checked out and leaves and the next one is up, with a lady in front of me waiting. So I shuffled my feet a bit forward, but not really too much, just to sort of get away from the basket who was directly behind me.
And that is when I heard it. Right behind me, *very* loudly and rudely, an older man (70ish) says to me, "Are you in this lane?" His tone and volume really just struck me the wrong way. I was immediately furious with adrenaline starting to rush.
So as I turn around I say, also very loudly and rudely, "Yes, I AM in this lane," and now am looking directly at this old man.
So he responds, "Well you've got about 10 feet there..." And at this point the next lady had moved forward and was laying her items down, so it probably was about 8-10 feet, but more like 3-5 when he first said something.
And so I said back, while sort of leaning towards him, "Yeah you got a problem with that?", also still loudly and rudely.
I'm not really sure exactly what he said at this point, but it was something like, "uh well, yeah" or the like, not really anything poignant.
As I could see behind him, there was a man who was clearly stopped with his cart and watching us directly, looking concerned, I said (still loudly and rudely) "Yeah, well, why don't you go write a letter to your congressman". Then I turned around and ignored him as it was almost my turn anyway.
The entire thing happened in about 10-15 seconds, and I am usually not one to get into arguments.
The lady that checks my out is usually really nice, and I am always nice to her too, saying please, thanks and exchanging pleasantries, but she, quite frankly, seemed a little more standoffish today. I really lost it but the way he interrupted me out of the blue and basically yelled in my ear really set me off. I was so mad that it took an hour for my adrenaline to cool down.
Am I the asshole here or was that total bullshit, what that guy did?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
4Va9aUFUfIZNkcrkP1fEsTEmh4PW3fOh
|
b77oyb
|
{
"description": "saying \"no\" to my sister",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for saying “no” to my sister?
|
So a few months ago I got engaged to my very best friend and boyfriend of six years. We’re thrilled and are in the middle of planning. My two sisters are in my wedding party. One of my sisters really enjoys being the center of attention and has been that way since we were little, which I’m fine with. However, when I booked my very first dress consultation at David’s Bridal, she immediately asked if we could look at bridesmaid dresses during the same time-slot. Now, I’ve always been eager to please and do not want to become a bridezilla, but I kind of felt that the dress appointment was my time, especially since it was the very first one. I ended up telling her “no” and that I’d be happy to look at bridesmaid dresses another time. She seemed hurt when I said this and so I felt bad.
So, Reddit, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
bGDfEIiEnGbmmqVO8jQhm3KcwgTm4cac
|
alvg13
|
{
"description": "reporting a co-worker to my manager for making passively sexual comments",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for reporting a co-worker to my manager for making passively sexual comments?
|
I just started a job at this pizza place as a delivery driver. Subsequently during my training I met my co-worker, someone who has been driving for this place for a few years. He's pushing about 50 I want to say. During the training we were alone in his car. He began talking about how the college nearby does an "underwear walk" every year.
I brushed off the remark as "traditions are cool". However, he began to talk in detail about how the college girls have "such perfect and tight little asses" and was talking about "just what he'd do if he wasn't married with a child" this made me very uncomfortable, so I stayed silent. He kept talking about all of the girls he saw there, with "such great fucking tight little bodies" etc etc.
Every time I've seen him since he talks about women like this, and it makes me hella uncomfortable. Whether its how the redhead on game of thrones would be "such a good tight fuck" or whoever else, it always makes me extremely unsettled. I'm afraid to talk to my manager about this, because since he's been there for years, I don't think anything will happen to him, and I'll be stuck dealing with an angry pervert. I also think it'd be weird if I got him fired, cause I'd worry my other co-workers would think I'm an asshole?
WIBTA if I reported my weird co-worker for his really sexually charged remarks about people I don't even know?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
dKkbbr5sl3hKEmToQhwIrk2dYXaAz6PS
|
azlw5s
|
{
"description": "getting pissed at my mom for eating my food constantly",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA For getting pissed at my (M41) mom (F62) for eating my food constantly?
|
Short back story: I am awaiting a judgement for my disability case and have not worked in quite a few years. I have been living at my mother's house where I do everything I can to stay out of her way, not leave a mess anywhere, and I purchase (with food stamps) and cook my own food.
Soon after I moved in, my mom started just taking what she wanted of my food, even though she has 2 full size freezers full of food, much of which is years old, and she is in no way hard up for income. She goes to the store at least 2 times a week to catch the latest deals, then just shoves it all in the freezer. I have to use her car to get to the store myself, maybe twice a month, and I prepare all my own food. Every time I do, she just helps herself. I've confronted her more times than I can count about this and she sometimes denies it, but other times just says I can go get more at the store. It takes so much time and effort for me to be able to do my shopping and food prep, and I have told her in that if she wants something from the store I will get it for her. I rarely spend everything I get every month so I can usually get her up to $15-20 if she asks. For the past few months she hasn't asked for anything even though I offer as I'm leaving for the store.
After another issue where my mom gave my food away to the neighbor last month, I told her to not touch my food every again. Yesterday I made a loaf of bread, and of course I go out today and my mom has helped herself to it and the lunch meat I had for my lunch. I feel like I'm being taken advantage of here as I have always kept my stuff separate from hers and if I need something that she has and I don't, I ask first. If I continue to confront her and demand she leaves my stuff alone, am I being an asshole? I feel like I've made myself very clear so many times and she just doesn't care, because what am I going to do about it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
uEGSrGgCienMVUQeoZWDu2UJVefjDCS9
|
b3mzso
|
{
"description": "leaving an abusive friendship and ended up dating her ex",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving an abusive friendship and ended up dating her ex
|
This happened 5 years ago, but sometimes I still question it. So 7 years ago I had a friend whom I was really close with, we would talk every day. I was 15 at the time and she was 16. At the time I was always her ‘sidekick’, she would forbid me from going out with my other friends for a long time, or labelling someone as my best friend if it’s not her, she also told me she had a crush on me and when I rejected her because I am straight she blocked me however a few days after she added me again and I had to apologize for it.
One day she invited me to a party where I met my future boyfriend. We instantly got interested in each other we both loved video games and I fell in love with him in an instant. He asked me for my number etc. When he left my friend asked me if I liked him and I said that I do have a crush on him. A month later I asked him out on Valentine’s Day because I really liked him, and I told my friend about that, but then my friend started crying and said how she likes him and wants to ask him out instead. I felt pretty bad at the time and cancelled my date with the guy so she can ask him instead. A month later they started to date, I was completely heartbroken, but at the same time I was happy for her. A few weeks in her relationship she forgot about me, called me rarely, told me how I am boring, annoying, too negative and depressive and that she needs positive people in her life. A few months later she cheated on him, he forgave her and they moved on...after 6 months in their relationship she cheated again, but this time she directly told me instead and automatically wanted support from me. I was conflicted a bit because of how she mistreated me and I felt like she was using me, and also I felt bad for her bf. Her boyfriend vented to me a lot and told me that she is really toxic for both of us and that we should leave her. Me and her bf did go out with our other friends at the time behind her back, we were not dating yet tho just friends. I realized after that how happy I was going outside with other people and not being bound to one person. I also still loved this guy I was really in love with him, so we decided to break it off with my friend and the next day he confessed to me that he really likes me. He is my first boyfriend and after 5 years we are still together and I love him a lot and I genuinely feel happy and not controlled anymore. However sometimes Id feel like an asshole for doing this to my friend, my mom said I was an asshole but my dad and my therapist say that I should have done that for my own mental health considering her manipulative nature.
I want to know your opinion on this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
1iihBrAqInFAPHqXCnIywdt3gtXzTbcJ
|
acrdta
|
{
"description": "tipping the pizza delivery person more than my wife thought I should",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for tipping the pizza delivery person more than my wife thought I should?
|
I'll make it quick. After a drinking and game night my wife and I ordered a pizza. When it arrived the wife signed for it and walked back in. I asked if she had tipped and she said "No I forgot". I knew I should ask because she is notorious for not wanting to tip and I am notorious for wanting to (sometimes too much)
I grabbed the smallest bill I had, which happened to be a $50. I asked the driver for change but she only had 20 on her. So instead of tipping her nothing, I have her $30. More than the price of the meal. The wife got pissed and was shocked a gave her so much. Turns out she didnt tip on purpose because she thinks they get paid enough anyways and it she did tip definitely wouldn't have given $30. So now she's upset.
Am I the asshole for spending more of our money then she would have?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
nMnzSmSt77KhOEGhryciNnbVvd5ZGgp7
|
akgl0s
|
{
"description": "ending a 24 year friendship with my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for ending a 24 year friendship with my best friend?
|
I fully realize that anything I post is going to be from my viewpoint, but I’m going to try my utmost to keep things as objective as possible and keep my feeling/theories out of it. I’m not trying to get pity here. I honestly want to know if IATA. My life motto is “Love above all”, and I’m absolutely torn apart that I might not be following that, but I also do not want to be emotionally taken advantage of (the money is a separate issue for me, but is necessary for context). So I really do need to know if IATA, though, if I am…. be kind, please? This is my first time putting myself out here on Reddit. Also, I have struggles keeping things brief, so please forgive the length. Seriously. It’s long, but I don’t know how to shorten it and still give enough context.
I have had a best friend since 9th grade – 24 years now. We haven’t often agreed on many things, but we’ve managed to maintain a relationship in which we talk almost every day through a lot regardless. A few years back, her husband lost his job and they were jobless for a year and a half. They got a settlement for disability discrimination from his former job and were able to live off of that, but when they finally got an offer for another job in a different state, they had no money with which to move. The new job promised reimbursement for much of the move, but not until the first paycheck, so they needed money upfront. My husband and I had lent them a sum of money when they were on the verge of eviction ten years ago without repayment, but I could not bear the thought of my best friend not being able to take a job for such a ridiculous reason, especially since they were about to be foreclosed on. We knew the risk, because they have never been great with money, and we already had the experience of not being reimbursed, but given that they were getting a job that paid half again as much as our income and was also paying them back 3/4 of what we would be lending, we decided to lend them a very large sum of money from our line of credit (i.e., not actually money we had, but money we had access to, which would be accruing interest. It has saved us at times between jobs, and we felt that since we had the blessing of a safety net, we should help when my best friend did not have said safety net).
Over the last almost eight months since we lent the money, payment has been almost nonexistent. First we got only part of what the company reimbursed. Then it was two months before we saw another small amount. They always seemed to have money for what was important to them, but never enough to pay us back. The original agreement was all of the money that was reimbursed, and then a monthly payment after that. $1k/mn was discussed, but I told her that any good faith payment was enough. I struggle with anxiety and after not receiving payments, told her that I was very sorry, but every time I did the budget (weekly), I was having a massive panic attack. I tried very hard not to bring it up too much, because I do NOT want a friendship marred by money. But every so often, after doing the budget, I would send her a message asking her if anything was going to be coming.
A bit before Christmas, two months since the last payment, I sent the following:
“I really hate doing this, but every single week when I reconcile the budget, I have a panic attack. It’s been two months since we’ve received anything. I need to know that something is in the mail. Current standing is $xxxx.xx. Thanks!”
Reply:
“Our account balance as of Thursday was under $10. I know you don’t believe me but we are trying.”
Me:
“Ok”
After that… nothing. No calls (we usually talk almost daily), no texts, no messages, nothing. Now, it was over Christmas, and her son and his girlfriend were visiting, so I assumed she wanted space, which is why I didn’t contact her either. But then on New Year’s Eve I had an emergency appendectomy. Both my husband and I had multiple posts about it on Facebook. No calls, no messages, no likes even. Ok… well, maaaaybe neither she nor her husband saw? I was in a lot of pain and on pain killers, and wasn’t really on the phone with anyone, so I didn’t notice at first. But then on budget day I sent this message:
“So… appendectomy and panic attack really don’t go well together. :(“
Radio silence. She didn’t even open my message. The next day I was feeling very hurt, and panicking about the money, and had admitted to my mom that I’d even lent her the money, and mom was ready to call her up and chew her out. So I decided to write a letter (I will copy it at the bottom of this). I admit that the first draft of the letter had a lot of angry hurt in it. But I tried my best to make it so that in the end it reflected my true feelings and not just the emotions I was having – that she was my best friend, that the way she was acting hurt, that the money thing had to be dealt with, etc. Had my mom, husband, and sister look at it to make sure it was as loving as possible. But it’s hard to know, you know? How it will come across to someone else. So maybe I failed. I sent it to her email (titled Feeling sad), text, and facebook messenger. She never opened it up on facebook messenger. I have no idea about the others. No response or acknowledgement. I gave it two weeks, then sent this:
“Please. Another paycheck has come and gone and I’ve not heard a single word from you in four weeks. You gave your word, and you have always claimed that your word and honesty is how you define yourself. I am hurt and confused. I don’t want to take legal action, but that is the next step at this point.”
Nothing again, but we did receive a check for somewhat over half of what was owed later that week postdated the day I sent that message. There was a note, and it was civil, but definitely not the tone that our friendship usually is:
Aritavashkai,
DH’s bonus was just deposited. This is the entire amount. We should be able to repay the remainder by/with our tax return. Please let me know what that amt. will be.
\[Name\]
So then I WAS a jerk. The day before we received the check, I came back from counseling and I ended up posting a thing on facebook that wasn’t quite a rant, but kinda was. My counselor had been helping me through the pain that I had clearly lost my best friend, and I didn’t know why. I understood after I sent that letter, but I didn’t, and still don’t, understand why that last time right before Christmas she decided to act like I was dead to her. It’s not like we hadn’t talked about the loan before, and at times much more clearly than that message. And then for her to not even give any care about my appendectomy or the fact that I have been having a really hard time healing from it (I’ve ended up back at ER four more time since then in three and a half weeks and have been in insane pain). So I was terribly confused about what had happened to our friendship, and my counselor (this was a culmination of multiple sessions) told me that obviously she couldn’t diagnose someone she hadn’t met, but from everything she heard, my best friend certainly had some sort of personality disorder, at the very least narcissism. So she told me about discarding and about how narcissists will do that when you are no longer useful or desirable to them, and that I needed to heal and accept that. And also that most times, they will try to “hoover” you back – rekindle the friendship basically, but always with ulterior motives – and that she felt I was in an abusive situation and needed to be strong and realize what was going on and allow myself to heal either way, but stay strong and resist getting sucked back in if she did try to hoover. Honestly, that realization explained SO MUCH and I immediately felt a huge weight off my chest, and a lot of my pain over the lost friendship went away. If she was doing all this on purpose, was purposefully hurting me and had no remorse, was playing with my emotions, anxiety and guilt… well, I wasn’t very sad anymore if I could look at it like that. So I stupidly went on facebook. I didn’t say things like I did here. I was trying to work through my feelings. I do that too much. I have really good facebook friends, not toxic like so many seem to have. So I tend to open up when I’m working through things. So I posted about narcissism and friendship, and whether I should continue it, etc. But I didn’t hide it from her. I don’t know if I was trying to be spiteful, or if I was truly trying to find a way to let her know where I was coming from so she could understand. A mutual friend commented something about loving me, and then that true friends don’t make ultimatums. I don’t know if that was directed at me or at her. I think it must have been me. I think that my “best” friend had probably told her that \*I\* was the one ending the friendship if she wouldn’t pay or something, which is the opposite of how it was. Anyhow, I took that post down, and I don’t know if my “best” friend ever saw it or if our mutual friend told her.
So here’s where I am with asking AITA. I’m trying to build up the courage to end the friendship in my head and heart. If she tries to come back with or without apologizing, keep it ended. Be civil, but that’s it. That’s what EVERYTHING about narcissistic relationships says to do. DON’T let yourself get hoovered back in. Apologies aren’t real and are manipulation. Etc, etc. But it goes against all my instincts. If I accept that she’s a narcissist, then I can release her control over me. I don’t hurt. She has no emotional power over me at all. But…. What if I’m wrong. What kind of person would not forgive someone who’s sincerely sorry. I’m sure it’ll seem like I’m doing it because of the stupid money, and that that’s what she’ll bill it as to our mutual friends. But it wasn’t that that’s made me decide that she’s gone fro
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
EVERYBODY
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|
WRONG
|
wXWtncYsunNPtbughigWFfhrIwwS2JIi
|
axn8an
|
{
"description": "refusing to use reusable rags to clean my toilet",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA because I refuse to use reusable rags to clean my toilet?
|
My boyfriend gives me a hard time because we should reduce waste and help the planet a bit by using reusable washable things instead of things that are just thrown out when we can.
I agree! Except when it comes to cleaning literal shit and piss off our toilet. I want to use paper towel only because of the obvious, it's nasty even if you're throwing it in the wash, and what if the rag accidentally gets mixed in with our dish rags?
Anyway I used to do most of the house work because I worked less, but that's about to change and I don't want him cleaning the toilets with our rags! Am I right or am ITA because the environment is more important?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
k6ErHwJqSGZu4yzjWT0Qy8xLhBcMJzcQ
|
anchq2
|
{
"description": "possibly ruining someone's life",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for possibly ruining someone’s life?
|
Yello. Dummy account because reasons
I’m 14, my older sister is 15
My sister, we’ll call her S, is..a piece of work. She’s done a lot bad things. Here’s a timeline
At Age 13, She gave away our address and other personal info resulting in a loss of phone and computer privileges
A few months later, she was caught sneaking onto my iPod after I fell asleep, doing the same kind of stuff. I don’t remember how she was punished
She earned back privileges over time, gaining a phone again and also using my iPad mini a lot (my parents won it in a raffle during the time when she wasn’t allowed to use tech, but once she was able again she basically claimed it as her own.)
At 14 She then had those privileges dashed when it was revealed she had a pornhub account. I found out because she left the email app open on the iPad mini, and I saw it as one of the emails and I snooped a bit. I didn’t go to the website so I don’t know if anything was posted but I fucking hope not. She got everything taken away again.
Fast forward to about maybe a year later. She works at our family restaurant, she doesn’t have a phone or access to one (anymore, she used to manipulate me into letting her use mine, but I put a stop to it after finding a really fucking gross video on my phone that I don’t wanna get into detail about. She got mad and really upset with me and still is, but I’m not budging.) and she bought an xbox one with her saved money and that’s all she does anymore.
That and go get stoned off her ass with her coworkers. She constantly is coming home high, and I have to cover for her, using air freshener when she forgets and lying and god I’m so mad I ever did any of it for her.
We live with a single father, my mother is an alcoholic and frankly, a terrible person. I feel my sister may be acting out because of her but I really don’t know.
But anyways now that there is some context, on we go.
She has this Boyfriend, I’ll call him B. S and B have been dating for a few months and I’ve known for a few months, I didn’t say anything because I figured it was harmless.
Then I found out he was 18. Still, I didn’t say anything. She had dated an 18 year old a few weeks prior and he was very sweet (my sister treated him terribly and even though I don’t agree that they should have ever dated, I sympathize with him.) but B is different. He’s also a pothead, he does shrooms and all that too, he’s a brother of one of my sisters coworkers, the one who she smokes with the most.
For a while I just let sleeping dogs lie. I figured it was fine, she had learned by now to be cautious but again and again I’m proved wrong and I don’t care to make excuses for her anymore.
So I find out she has been having sex with B. She, a 15 year old CHILD is having sex with an 18 year old Man and I am appalled. I felt really uncomfortable asking but I asked if they used protection and guess fucking what THEY DIDNT because course they fucking didn’t.
I’m livid. I was in the car with my dad earlier and I told him everything. Not about the weed but he’ll find out, I can assure that. I just couldn’t bring myself to like more on, I feel awful enough and my father was crying at that point. For my sisters punishment, hd said he would probably fire her from the restaurant and take away her xbox. And got B,He said he’d think about pressing charges for pedophilia or something and that he was proud of me for telling him
I just feel terrible. I get that what they’re both doing is fucking wrong as hell but jail? He’s only 18, I mean god if I ruined somebodys fucking life I don’t know how to live with that.
I’m so angry that I didn’t say anything sooner, I’m angry that I said anything At all, and most of all I just feel betrayed. My mother left a gaping hole in my heart and my sister helped fill that void. She was almost like a mom I never had for a bit, she made sure I ate actual meals, she helped me clean now and then, she hung out with me, it was wonderful.
And, I feel terrible that this person could possibly be arrested. And now my sister is gonna hate me, and things were finally starting to look up and get better and Jesus Christ I feel like I’ve just ruined everything again.
Sorry if this is just rambles, I’m really freaked out kinda.
So reddit, AITA? What do I do? I can provide more info and clarification if needed
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
1a2tQ0DgPFcaH12J5K0X4UJa9cSYulj3
|
b7ilnl
|
{
"description": "wanting my brother to move out",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my brother to move out?
|
So I live in a small apartment with my grandparents, sister (19) and brother (24). We all do our own thing and we aren't poor, but we do struggle from time to time from what i hear.
​
So im gonna get straight to the point. My brother has been mentally affecting the family because of his anger issues. He is always making everyone upset and even makes my mom and grandma cry and i personally don't like seeing that. He argues every day with my grandma, my sister and I, and for the smallest reasons which annoys me even more, and i can't do anything about it but ignore him or just apologize for no reason just to make him go away. He's been "kicked out" before but he usually comes back because my grandma is very forgiving.
​
Don't get me wrong, I love my brother to death and i feel bad if I'm being honest. I'm aware that he suffered at a young age, but so did everyone else, either just as bad if not worse, and they are doing just fine as far as i can tell. We don't live with our parents, but we talk every day, so that might have to do with his anger issues. its a fairly long story as to why we don't live with them, but if i have to tell the tale i'll do so.
Im only 14 so i might not think as maturely or with an open perspective, but thats no excuse and i will accept my assholeiness if i end up being one.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
Ptz9mfGStOmeSPfepvqezCtDo9QrIbEu
|
9yavnn
|
{
"description": "potentially causing a girl to fail university",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for potentially causing a girl to fail university
|
This girl I've been seeing (can't really classify her as my girlfriend as we've only been dating for a month and a bit, and I didn't pop the question yet to make things official) made out with a guy this passed Friday when she and her friends went out clubbing.
The following day she messaged me to inform me what had happened, and told me she felt really bad about it and had to confess and apologise to me. She gave some mediocre excuses of her having a rough week, thus she got too drunk and lost control of her actions. She said that she wanted to talk this out in person, whereby I responded that she should kindly fuck off and never speak to me again.
The thing is she's writing her finals exam this Thursday, and failing the test would mean that she'd probably end up getting kicked out of her course. I'm a bit worried that me telling her I don't ever want to speak to her again may inflict so much emotional trauma on her that she ends up failing this test. I potentially fucked up her future. Her friends tell me she's crying non-stop, but to be fair I don't give a shit cause she should have expected this reaction the moment she cheated on me.
Am I really the asshole in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
pZ1zPybzawLjFeMcLD9LmhVE8kyOFxMn
|
akhvdy
|
{
"description": "not inviting my girlfriend to a concert",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for not inviting my girlfriend to a concert?
|
My girlfriend and I have been in a distance relationship for the past 9 months. She currently lives on the border of Virginia and Maryland, and I live up near New York City. It's not too far of a distance and neither of us mind making the drive to visit one another.
One of my favorite bands is playing in New York City this upcoming week and I didn't have anyone to go with. Since the concert is at 8 on a friday and my girlfriend works until 4, I knew she would not be able to make the drive up and to the concert on time. She also does not listen to this type of music, so I knew she would not enjoy the concert too much. I wasn't sure if any of my friends listened to their music, so I posted on Twitter and Facebook asking if anyone would want to go see the concert with me.
I woke up this morning with a text from my girlfriend saying she was annoyed with me about my posts on Twitter and Facebook. She mentioned that it was inconsiderate for not inviting her and it is weird that I posted asking if someone wanted to come with me. I have done this in the past, before we started dating, and I never thought it was weird, nor has anyone ever mentioned it being weird to me.
I think she is overreacting as I don't believe I did anything wrong. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
WINbrXeMso4XoMWijiAdbO2b4BW9hJBi
|
b9v6hn
|
{
"description": "entering my dads house before I was given permission",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for entering my dads house before I was given permission?
|
My dad is out of town on a business trip and I was staying at my moms. I needed to get something from the house though so I texted my dad and told him I was coming over to get my stuff. He didn’t respond (later learned was on a flight) but I thought nobody was home so I went in. My stepmom was on the couch watching tv and it looked like i scared her walking in through the front door. She told me firmly that I can’t enter the house without permission and If i do it again they will change the code to the front door (It is a electronic door that uses a key pad to enter). My dad calls me later and says because I don’t have a relationship with my stepmom I cannot enter at my own will. We argue and don’t get anywhere for 15 minutes. I don’t think it’s a privilege to enter my own house without asking, in this case with no response to my request, but apparently it’s a privilege to step in one at all according to them.
Little backstory its my dads gf but easier to call it stepmom and I can’t be home alone with friends over, even if stepmom is home (because i don’t have a relationship with her), and also I don’t have access to my garage code.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
DMtehoE68W00cYz1C69pQrYKKU1bYzjp
|
9tnfrq
|
{
"description": "being mad at my friend for having a life",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being mad at my friend for having a life?
|
Hi everyone,
​
I'm having a conflict with a friend of 6 years and I would like some outside eyes on this.
I've been trying to hangout with one of my best friends throughout the Summer since I can tell she was feeling pretty down about Law School. Back in August, my friend told me she couldn't hang out since she was studying for LSAT and taking on a weekend job to get money since her parents are making her pay rent now. Cool, no worries. I totally understand.
​
Last Friday, I got an email from one of our favorite stores that was having 40% off everything. I texted it to her and she said she wants to go. I asked if she wanted to go after work and I agreed. We decided to grab something to eat and while looking for a restaurant, she let slip that she's been party every weekend SINCE LATE AUGUST with someone we knew for less than 2 months ("Abba"). I felt some kind of way, but held it in until I can think about my emotions. During dinner, she asked if she can invite one of the friends that she's into that she met via Abba. Odd, but whatever. Dude is nice so I didn't mind at the end. After dinner, I told her privately there's a high chance I might have cervical cancer and she apologized about being in her own bubble and not checking up on people.
​
When I got home, I sent her a text that I felt some type of way that she told me she couldn't hang out due to finances and tests and she's been hanging out with someone she knew for <2 months. No response.
&#x200B;
Saturday she responded to a snapchat story I had. I said thanks.
&#x200B;
On Monday I asked her to send me a Venmo payment then she asked if I got her text. I didn't so she sent me a long text that basically said she was feeling stressed by a lot of things. She tried studying, but it didn't work, she tried going to the gym and it didn't work. Then Abba got in touch with her to go for drinks and Abba told my friend she's been dealing with a breakup hard and they've been partying/dancing with guys to feel better. She said it's not me she's trying to avoid; she wants to dance with friends.
&#x200B;
I responded saying I get it but I feel naive and like I have a big L on my forehead because I was trying to adjust to her needs by backing off and giving her space and now someone we knew for <2 months is another story. I told her I 'm going to stop initiating hangouts because this has happened in the past with other people and I'm tired of giving more than I receive. No response.
&#x200B;
Later that day, she responded to a Snapchat story. I said thanks. Tuesday she sent me a snapchat. I didn't respond. She's not the type to do use snapchat daily, so I'm guessing she's doing this in a way to be like "I'll show my friendship this way!!"
&#x200B;
Wednesday, I followed up asking her if she got my text. No response and she stopped responding to my Snapstories and stopped sending me snaps, but she's still looking at my Snapstories.
&#x200B;
I kind of regret telling her about my cancer situation. She doesn't deserve to know in my eyes with her current attitude. Am I overreacting?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
OUCh74tSbBc3V3fUWhWQFwe1j0Wn19N5
|
b1zqy4
|
{
"description": "moving the side mirror on my dad's truck",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITAH for moving the side mirror on my dad's truck?
|
So I was at a store and it happened that my dad needed to pick something up from there. When I finished inside I noticed his truck parked nearby. I called him he didn't answer so i figured I'd mess with his truck a bit. I moved the side mirror on the driver's side all the way inward. I figured no harm was done because he could just move it without getting out.(older truck with non electric mirrors)
Later at home I asked if he noticed anything different about the truck. He got mad and said "Some things you don't play with. I was getting on the highway when I noticed it. What if i crashed? All because you wanted to play a "joke" "
My argument was that a driver should check their mirrors before driving away. I share a car with my mom and don't think it's a big deal. When the mirrors are wrong I just adjust them and keep driving. But I can sort of see his side. What do you guys/gals think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
nHMM7XSCxdyK6XFYyPcDzEaMpJ5yoyRg
|
b3tlef
|
{
"description": "making fun of my sister in law for acting like she's from NYC",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 21
}
|
AITA for making fun of my sister in law for acting like she’s from NYC?
|
My (22f) SIL (30f) claims that she’s from NYC. She reps NYC *really* hard. Way harder than the people I know who are actually from NYC. She’s not from there. She’s from a small town in the south, as am I. Some of our family is from New York but me and my brother are not, and she doesn’t have any relatives from there. Her and my brother moved to NYC when they first got together, about nine years ago. They lived there for like four years then moved back.
I don’t constantly pick on her, just every once in a while when the opportunity arises. Like a jab or two every 3rd or 4th time I see her. I just think it’s so funny and easy to pick on her about it. She’s *so* asking for it.
She has in her instagram bio something about “just a couple New Yorkers trying to make it in suburbia” or something like that. She often posts on social media about missing home with a pic of NYC. She even picked up a slight accent. We recently went to our cousins wedding in NYC, she posted a selfie on instagram with me and the bride and was like “you know you’re from new york when you’re the only white girl at a dominican wedding” (my family is dominican, she is white but there were a lot of other white people there so idk what that was about...plus she’s not from NYC anyways).
She said something and her “accent” got really thick for a second so I responded in the worst, over exaggerated NY accent that I could and then laughed about it. She got mad at me and stormed out of my moms house last night. My brother told me to stop and that I needed to apologize. I told him I would stop now that I know that it bothers her that much, but I’m not going to apologize. I told my brother, first of all she’s asking for it. Second of all if she wasn’t my his wife my brother would be making fun of her just as hard. Plus she made fun of me when I got really obsessive over the keto diet, I didn’t get all butthurt about that, I knew I deserved it.
I feel like dumb stuff like pretending you’re from new york is fair game to get picked on about.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
BuStdcF2ysZmuFe1nP5cvLoso04PzNTN
|
a16f5w
|
{
"description": "not caring about his mom's car accident",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA For not caring about his mom's car accident.
|
So recently I've gotten into an argument with this kid who made fun of people and their parents in a group chat. Then one day his mom gets into a car accident I realized the irony and pointed it out. He of course wasn't happy with this and guess what made fun of my parents. So after that when I was having a civil conversation on this group chat he said no one cares I responded "No one cares about your mom". After that he threw a tantrum and started throwing insults so we removed him but he is still an ass hole at school.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
iU6Ymf32CTDXM4UxKYY0zolnh9RjwgXp
|
a56fa8
|
{
"description": "being disappointed in a good friend who cancelled a meet-up with me and other friends to be with a girl he met recently",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being disappointed in a good friend who cancelled a meet-up with me and other friends to be with a girl he met recently?
|
So I have this friend-group that consists of four people, not including me. Us five guys wanted to have a guys-night-out-thing and eat at a nice restaurant and afterwards we would go out drinking. We had this planned out for maybe two or three weeks in advance, since we all are pretty busy considering we all have commitments and jobs to worry about.
Now, an hour or so before we were meant to meet up, the guy in question, let's call him Larry, impulsively invited his crush to join us without asking how we all felt about it. Considering it was supposed to be just the guys, we were all a bit "oh come on" about the whole thing. Larry informed us through Facebook that he had invited her and we all told him how we thought it was supposed to be just us guys. Larry started to guilt trip us a bit, saying that he had already invited her and that he didn't want to un-invite her. We then told Larry that his crush could join us afterwards and join us for drinks. That wasn't an issue at all - the more the merrier, when it comes to drinking. But we wanted to keep the restaurant thing just for us.
Ten minutes before we have to go Larry tells us that he won't be joining us and that he would rather eat with his crush instead. So that's what he did.
We were all pretty disappointed in him considering he chose to eat with this girl even though he had a thing with us planned out two or three weeks in advance.
This happened a few weeks ago now, and he still doesn't understand why we were angry with him. He feels like we're idiots for not understanding his choice.
Now... AITA for thinking what Larry did was in bad taste and that he is totally out of touch when it comes to friendships and agreements?
&#x200B;
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
sakB7QVUc9e0UkqgNpsVfmQtrHstPurU
|
a6c28x
|
{
"description": "calling my aunt out about lying to my cousin about who his real father is",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
WIBTA if i call my aunt out about lying to my cousin about who his real father is.
|
I know this may be a little weak for this sub, but i'm just not sure if i would be the bad guy for doing this.
So, this is a delicate situation and i feel bad for the kid that she's lying to him about this. I understand why she's doing it. Don't get me wrong.But it just rubs me the wrong way. I don't know if i should say something
Here's the situation. My cousin is 8. My aunt was married to a soldier in the army. They had been having problems and while he was deployed, she had an affair and got pregnant. And, unfortunately, during the pregnancy, her husband passed away. (I don't think he ever even knew about the pregnancy)
She had the baby and moved in with the man she cheated with. But they broke up when the kid was only 2 and she has always told him that the soldier husband was his father after that.
Umm, i feel bad that she's lying to a kid about that...but it's really not my place.
These 2 people have never met each other. I mean, i feel bad that she's lying to him.
(If it means anything, the boy's real father is a strung out pill addict that steals and tries to ripoff people for money)
But, would i be an asshole if i call her out on this and tell my cousin the truth?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
H5TfE6Jcw5bSz9U1YQKg09wVzE7yQY09
|
ad2yb0
|
{
"description": "not waking my boyfriend up",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not waking my boyfriend up?
|
My SO and I had a long shopping trip and we were both tired, so we cuddled on the bed and I got him a hot water bottle to help him fall asleep. I woke up again fairly quickly so I crept out quietly to do other stuff (reading, playing on phone). 1 hour he wakes up and saw that I had left the bed and was immediately in a bad mood, saying that I hadn’t bothered to wake him up and that I let him waste time. He gave me the silent treatment all evening even though I approached him several times to ask him what was up. AITA? I don’t even know why this is so upsetting here
TLDR: helped my boyfriend fall asleep and didn’t wake him up
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 9,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
wV7tV7Q6ERBXwXyw6dM7GJn2532HnANe
|
b1tioh
|
{
"description": "accidentally opening the door on my bf's roommate in the shower",
"pronormative_score": 85,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for accidentally opening the door on my bf's roommate in the shower.
|
This is seriously the stupidest thing I've ever heard and have no idea why a simple mistake turned into a huge deal. This isnt a shitpost, I'm just so baffled.
I had headphones on. Had to pee. First door of bathroom was shut, but light was off. Went to open the part to the shower and when I did, saw a light and steam and said sorry and shut it and walked off. He came out and made this huge deal about common courtesy if doors are shut. I simply said that I was sorry and that in my family (I grew up in a house of 8 with grandparents, aunt and cousin, ect) that we locked our doors because it was more efficient energy wise to keep doors shut. I still do this. Everyone I know keeps doors shut to keep down energy cost when its cold, it is not an indication of occupation. I own my own house and pay all my bills, so energy efficiency is a big deal to me. He kept going on about how I was rude and laughing at me stating that only people who are rude with no common courtesy lock doors. I repeated that I was wrong for opening it, but that it wasnt because I meant to be rude. He seriously went on and on about how if i had common courtesy I'd know two shut doors (and the light off) meant someone is in there.
Am i the asshole? Is this something I'm just completely ignorant to? I mean, I apologized, and really was sorry, I will know for the future... but he truly believed I was the asshole for not understanding this in the first place. My bf agreed with him. They both said I "lost" the argument, which I wasnt trying to win, only explain that I didnt mean to be rude... it's just not as common of a standard as they think. But is it and I'm just the weird one?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 81,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 4,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 85,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
A37O1ZLaNMTO3mZXTLQsy7ZlT26tU5ED
|
9ygnn0
|
{
"description": "calling the police on a couple kissing",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for calling the police on a couple kissing?
|
I was at a Starbucks and I saw a guy around my age holding hands with a REALLY young girl. "She's probably just his daughter" I thought to myself, but something about they were standing was off-putting, so after I got my latte I sat at at a table near them, just to keep an eye on them. They kept touching each other, more intimately than a father would usually touch his daughter. At this point it was clear it is not a father-daughter relationship. Then they started kissing each other on the lips and I thought "This is not ok."
I stepped outside, called 911 and told them my location and that there is a man inside who is kissing and inappropriately touching a child. I am going to testify before a grand jury on Tuesday. Turns out the guy was 34 and the girl is only 16, young enough to be his daughter. Luckily, in my state the age of consent is 18, but the horrifying part is that in some states, the age of consent is 16, and this pedophile would have been able to get away with it. There really needs to be a law that consent cannot be given if there is a large enough age disparity, even if they are above the age of consent. I remember when I was a 16 year old girl and I definitely was not ready to consent to a relationship with an older man.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Ol93ZArLHlGokMatcnxKCq3Yt87kQEnA
|
a62xxu
|
{
"description": "leaving my teen daughter for a career opportunity",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I left my teen daughter for a career opportunity?
|
First, some background info
I have a teenage daughter who is a Freshman in high school from a previous relationship. Her mother and I get along just fine. The mom has sole custody and my daughter stays with me once a week and every other weekend Friday - Sunday. My daughter and I have a great relationship, she’s as open to me as one would expect a teenage girl to be. I am her only father figure in her life because her mom is single.
I also got married a few years ago and have 2 young children with my wife. My teen daughter loves her stepmom and her siblings and everyone has a great relationship with each other. No fighting, no animosity, no jealousy from anyone.
I am able to provide for my family and also have never missed a child support payment to help with my first daughter and also give her money when child support is not enough on occasion. My wife and mom of teen daughter get along well also. We live paycheck to paycheck but I wouldn’t categorize us as struggling, we are lower middle class.
My job background:
I currently have a job making 35,000 a year, I have a BA in Business Administration and an MBA. I recently applied for a job and was offered a position with a company in another state. The driving distance from where I am now to where I would move to if I accepted the job is 12 hours in California.
The salary for this position ( and I don’t know if this is good money in California, but I think it is) is 180,000. That is a huge increase in pay and I would be able to provide for my family better than I ever thought I could. I don’t think this job is a once in a lifetime opportunity, but I also don’t know if an opportunity like this will come again for a long time or ever again. I definitely would never be able to make that kind of money in the town I live in currently.
My conundrum is WIBTA if I took this job and moved my wife and 2 young kids out of state and left my teenage girl with her mom?
(Her Mom would never let our teen daughter go with us and I also would not want to pull my daughter away from her friends and rest of her family and the life she knows to go to California)
I feel like this time in my daughter’s life I need to stay and be supportive for her during her teen years, but then also need to consider the life I would be able to provide to my wife and 2 young ones if I did move.
So, good folks of Reddit, WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
3y23oownKVqdylGcYcfD3w2BhYgeL1lD
|
b117r5
|
{
"description": "wanting to cut contact with my female best friend over a new romantic relationship she can't come to terms with",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to cut contact with my female best friend over a new romantic relationship she can't come to terms with?
|
Some years ago I met a girl - Sophia [21F]. We instantly found a lot of common interests and despite living in different cities, we soon became very close friends. Inevitably I fell for her. She didn’t. But after meeting her in person a few times we became fuck buddies on her initiative.
Over a course of a year I found myself devoting a lot of time to her. I remember moments where Sophia would demand I talk to her over the phone, despite being away with family. But everything else was amazing as I never had such a close friend.
We would talk everyday over the phone. Every few months we would meet and have sex. While Sophia was away at home she would have one night stands with other guys.
I felt unrequited love which really hurt me. There would be moments where I wanted to walk away but she would just beg me not to leave her as I was her only friend. And she would shower me with affection and intimacy. This would make the pain go away and I would stay. I really didn't want to lose a friend too. I wanted to simply stop loving her.
This cycle of pain and affection would repeat for years until I became numb to it. In the meantime - she would become more and more depressed and thinking about ending her life. I tried to be there for her but it started getting harder and harder to console her and deal with it as she was against getting any real help.
For the past half a year I really improved my life and met a lovely girl wich whom I started a relationship. Even thou Sophia was supportive of it - soon she became very jealous.
Over a course of a month it spiraled from being needy to threatening ending her life if I would not leave my current girlfriend. Sophia would constantly barrage me with texts and calls. She would say how much she loves me and made a mistake. How she would change and make everything right. She would send me nude photos of her. After saying a hard NO to her - Sophia ended up in a psych ward. She was diagnosed schizotypal personality disorder. After starting new meds and therapy she felt better and decided to work on letting me go and just being friends.
The problem is that Sophia still is very needy and paranoid. Sometimes I catch her trying to manipulate me so I would spend less time with my girlfriend or flat out her telling me she wishes that my relationship fail. I am sick of all this behavior and want to cut contact with her and move on.
But I feel like an ass for throwing out more than 6 years of friendship and adventures with Sophia over a couple of months of problems. In addition her diagnosis sounds awful. I don't want to push her away for being unwell. For the first time in years she started getting help. Maybe I should just have more patience with her? I really miss the friendship and enjoying our common interests.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 27,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
CarWYTRTMzEMAphYXpn3SGhWM1rF7zTS
|
a759wg
|
{
"description": "being friends with an ex",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for being friends with an ex?
|
Context:
My ex from college (dated for about 6 months) broke up with me 2 years ago because he realized he didn't care enough about the relationship to continue over long distance. He was my first love and broke my heart, so things were rough for me. We had no contact for about a year in which I had a casual fling and got over him 100%, but started talking again and got closure about a year ago (right before I met my current bf).
We're on good terms now. We chat on facebook or catch up over facetime every few months or so. We've stayed friends because we were best friends before dating, same college friend group, dated for only the end of college briefly, and it's just nice to stay connected to someone who meant a lot to you from the past, especially from such a formative time.
&#x200B;
I have now been dating my current bf for almost a year. Everything is amazing, and I love him. It is a way more serious and mature relationship than my last. Last week, we were talking and he expressed he is insecure about my ex, specifically because it was a "first love" type thing. I have reassured him there is literally nothing going on and I am not interested in my ex romantically at all anymore (all true!!). Any romantic feelings feel so far back in the past. I am way over it and 100% into my current bf. He trusts my reassurances and is also friends with an ex, so he somewhat understands.
&#x200B;
The Issue:
Today, I was scrolling through my phone and my boyfriend saw 2 things that upset him:
1) While my current boyfriend and I were in the hooking up/not sure what we are stage, ex and I had a life update chat with my ex on facebook messenger in which I told him "I miss you (definitely not in the same way I did before) ! Hope you are well, hope to see you soon!"
2) A few months ago (after my boyfriend and I started dating), my ex was in town and asked to hang out. I couldn't make it at the time but offered to facetime to catch up.
&#x200B;
His point of view:
1. He is worried that I was still into my ex (by saying I miss you) at the time we had already started hooking up.
2. He is very upset that I have never mentioned that I facetime my ex occasionally, and that when my boyfriend and I saw each other/texted (don't remember which it was) that day I didn't mention it happening. He thinks it is disrespectful and that I meant to lie by omission.
My point of view:
1. The I miss you was completely platonic on my end. It happened a few months after we had that good closure conversation and I wanted to express good will and friendship. I was hanging out with an old college friend at the time so naturally I thought of him and missed that he wasn't there too. IN A FRIENDLY WAY, which I tried to express! And current boyfriend and I were not yet serious, so it reflects nothing on our relationship, in my opinion.
2. The idea that talking to my ex would be disrespectful to my current boyfriend honestly did not cross my mind :( , as I do call my other college friends sometimes and never mention it either. Not on purpose! Had it come up, I would NEVER lie about anything, it just wasn't thought of. It also was a quick call for mayyybe at most an hour and we haven't hung out in person nor been romantic/sexual at ALL after our break up. Also at the time, my boyfriend and I had only been official for about 2 months and I had ZERO idea he was so insecure over my ex. So, it was literally a non-issue to me at the time, and to specifically bring it up would make it sound like I thought it was a bigger deal than it really was. I think it would have been weird to bring it up with no prompting or any reason to.
So am I in the wrong? Please let me know if anything I did was me being the asshole! I just seriously can't tell what would have been the right choice of action each time these things happened in the past, and I want to be better in the future.
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
L5xY4QodIpKkyjR789rXCHIemBQoorkk
|
ay7hee
|
{
"description": "trying to date my ex's friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to date my ex’s friend?
|
Okay it’s a little more complicated than the title, and also know this is in high school so relationships aren’t extremely serious. However, feelings are feelings and I’m just not sure if I’m in the wrong on this one or not.
The relationship I had with this ex, I’ll call her Anna, only involved a couple dates last June. I didn’t feel much of a connection so I ended things after only about a week, but we remained friends in a mutual group. She seemed somewhat okay with how things ended, I could tell she was hurt but since it was so short I thought it wasn’t that bad.
A few months later at the end of August, one of her longtime friends (who I’ll call Sarah) started to hang out with us for the next few weeks. She knew other people in the group, so it wasn’t just like Anna’s friend.
After a while, I thought Sarah was a really cool person and I started to like her. I figured since it had been a while since I had been with Anna, she would be okay with it. I also thought it would for sure be okay since she had done the same and expressed interest in dating one of my longtime friends a month or two prior.
Turns out I was very wrong about this, as soon as she found out from mutual friends that I liked Sarah, she said she would never talk to me or Sarah again if we did date and got furious at me for even thinking about it. She also said we can’t hangout together anymore and stopped bringing Sarah. The mutual friend who told her in the first place later told me that Anna still liked me and wanted to get back together. However, the thing is, all this was communicated through friends telling friends and if Anna would have just told me directly she didn’t feel comfortable with me dating her friend I would have understood and it wouldn’t have been a big deal, but a lot of drama was created and she become very passive aggressive towards me and I got kind of annoyed.
I ended up just leaving everything be and decided it wasn’t worth the drama and I also didn’t want to break their friendship, even if Sarah would have wanted to date me back in the first place.
Things between the three of us are still kind of tense, as in the past month Sarah and I have started talking more and I still like her and feel like it’s more mutual this time. Another friend tells me Anna still kind of likes me and would still hate to see me and Sarah together. I understand that Anna would still like me a little because I see her almost everyday, so we’ve gotten to know each other better. But I feel like it’s been such a long time since we dated (for only a week) that she’d understand I just want to be friends with her and it would be kind of controlling of me and her friend to stop us from even talking.
I never felt like I was totally in the wrong since I was only doing what she did first, but based off her very emotional reaction, I’ve been wondering about it and whether or not if it’s justifiable to date her friend.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
P6GURBJoRrjKm6ViU8UYybwivgD5sEPh
|
apingy
|
{
"description": "wanting to report a teacher after he hit me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to report a teacher after he hit me?
|
Now I know the title makes me sound like I've been assulted when really I haven't. Just hear me out.
So I'm friends with the boys in ky class, we've known each other for 11 years now. We joke around and have a good laugh like friends do. While walking back from the library one day of the boys said something and I hit him with my book jokingly (you know, a gentle hit so that I didn't hurt him). A teacher who has never taught me came back and hit my arm saying ",don't hit him or you'll get back." I'm 15, 5'2 and maybe 8 stone (112 pounds for all you Americans out there). This guy is like 30 something, 6'2 and atleast double my weight. It seemed like he did it in good fun but it still hurt my tiny little noodle arm.
AITA for wanting to report it to the headteacher (principle)? Maybe I'm just over reacting but I'm curious as to what the lovely people of reddit think.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
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