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92KrL01Zx7WWOERf4L2sgv5EykvShsWS
|
ak8cq4
|
{
"description": "missing my friends comedy show",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for missing my friends comedy show?
|
So this just happened a few minutes ago. My roommate was doing one of those "one day comedy shows" where a group of students stay up all night and plan a comedy show and then perform that evening. He told me about it the other day and asked me to come to which I replied I'll think about it. When it came time to go I didn't really want to walk across campus in the cold to the show. Am I obligated to go to my friends performances? I'm pretty sure I'm the asshole but I want other opinions.
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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b76meb
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{
"description": "accepting a gift and then being creeped out after",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for accepting a gift and then being creeped out after?
|
Hi guys, LTL and FTP, throwaway because I'd rather not have my identity on here in case this guy catches it. I'm female, this will be important.
So I recently went overseas for work, where I met this guy while checking in to my hotel. He's local to the area and after I complimented him on his shirt, because I genuinely thought it was a nice shirt, we chatted for a bit, like where I'm from and what I'm doing there, and he said he could tell me where I could buy shirts like his. I'm all for getting some wearable souvenirs so I accepted his offer, and he said he was in a rush and asked for my phone number to send me a message on the location and name of the place. He asked for a picture before he left, and since I'm a bit of a rare sight in his neck of the woods (an African in Russia) I agreed and he left.
Fast forward two days later, I get a call from him saying that he'll be delivering three shirts to my hotel and asked where I was staying. I thanked him again but it really wasn't necessary, he said they'd already been made according to the estimated proportions from the photo we took. So I told him where I was staying and the shirts were delivered.
Since then, he's been texting me asking if we can meet up (he first texted me this at 10pm, asking if we could meet up later, I was creeped out already so I ignored it and replied the next morning saying that I slept early), when he can see me again, when I'll bring him around my home country in Africa. On my flight home he texted me to tell me to send a photo of myself in the plane and that he'd love to see me again. I'm really creeped out and I want to block his number but AITA for wanting to cut him off after I'd accepted a gift from him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
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|
aebl5o
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{
"description": "potentially harming a student/teachers career",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for potentially harming a student/teachers career
|
Obligatory mobile formatting messege
So I had a pretty annoying experience today and am considering taking some sort of action...
So basically in my school (Not sure nationwide) there is a student teacher program where people who want to become teachers watch a teacher for a semester and then partially take over the class during the second semester, this is relevent as I will explain below. A student teacher in one of my historical based classes was attempting to keep us connected and spoke of the recent current events politically, and lets just say where I live, my beliefs are a minority. They then goes on for roughly 15 minutes explaining the political situation with major bias. Like, this was basically indoctrination. I get frustrated but to keep the peace I keep my mouth shut, while most of these students who didn't care about politics are now outraged and intently listening to the slander pointed towards a single party. For the record, everything this person brought up as "evidence" was seriously debatable, and I was really about to go off.
So this gets to the point, would I be the asshole if I sent an anonymous alert to the school notifying them of this and seriously crippling this persons chance of receiving a job here?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
"RIGHT": 7,
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RIGHT
|
0eEyKvNsJTiln5DzSBFQEcghrilNHEWR
|
9vsggd
|
{
"description": "not turning my gps app on",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not turning my GPS app on?
|
My parents are wanting me to install a GPS app on my phone (which I reluctantly have) and leave it on 24/7. I'm opposed to this and leave it off all the time. They're reasoning behind this is to make sure I'm safe but I'm a 18 yr old Male who drives himself to college. I would understand this on a younger person but 18yr old.... seriously? I've told them numerous times that I dont like this at all but all they say is to listen to them because they're the parent and I'm the "child".
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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OTHER
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{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
ar01ec
|
{
"description": "demanding too much from my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for demanding too much from my girlfriend
|
My girlfriend owns a bar and was sick with a really bad fever the past 4 days, I stayed at hers (above the pub) because I knew she was pretty bad and could use help with running errands, getting food/water/meds, keeping her company and covering shifts etc while she recovered.
I ended up catching it off her and she asked me to stay at hers so she can keep an eye on me. I was concerned that being above the pub it would be too loud but I have epilepsy and tend to be more prone to seizures when I'm ill so I thought it would be good to have her keep an eye. (The last thing I want is to choke on my own puke while I'm having a fit) so I've been there all day, she came up to see me about 3 or 4 times for less than 5 minutes each time and I understand that she's busy working but it got to the point where it was getting way too loud and I couldn't handle it anymore.
She told me to message her if I needed anything and I had been messaging her for at least 3 hours to turn down the music and when she wouldn't I asked if I could go home. An hour later of trying to get a hold of her to ask if I can go home and I ended up going down to the pub to get her. She told me to stay in bed and rest but I kept saying I wanted to go home because it was pointless me being there, she wouldn't even know if I was having a seizure because she's busy working and I want to be somewhere quiet. She got annoyed that I was being ungrateful because she was coming up to check on me even if it wasn't often or for very long because she's busy. I tried to explain that I had missed out on client work (filming) because I was taking care of her and that I just want her to spend a bit more time with me. Is it wrong for me to be pissed off at her for not doing enough? I know she's busy but there are at least 5 other bar staff she could ask to cover if need be. Part of me thinks I'm just being selfish but part of me is sick of going out of my way for her and her not reciprocating it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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ba20mw
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{
"description": "asking a family if I can play through in miniature golf",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking a family if I can play through in miniature golf?
|
First time poster, so I hope I'm doing this right.
Husband and I were playing miniature golf, and we were behind a family of four: a mom, a dad, and two very young children (toddler age). Given that we are just two people, and they were four, naturally we were golfing faster. And then also the kids were so small and still trying to figure out this game. We found ourselves waiting quite a bit for family to finish. I really don't care that much about waiting, but I felt bad because I had a feeling they were pressured to rush in their game. After the 5th or 6th hole, I went up to the parents and asked this.
Me: Hi. Can we play through, like go ahead of you? Is that ok?
The mom seemed a bit surprised, maybe bewildered. She looked at the dad, dad said nothing and had no expression. The mom turned back to me and said ok.
Husband and I played through and everything seemed perfectly normal.
At the end of the game, when we were returning our clubs, the mom comes up to me and starts berating me.
The Mom: I just want to let you know that what you did was really rude, and you should never do that again. You need to wait like everyone else. You have no manners, and you really put me in a bad position in front of my kids, you set a bad example for them--
Me: But I asked you if it was ok, and YOU SAID YES.
The Mom: Yeah because I didn't want to be rude in front of my kids!
Me: You wouldn't have been rude if you said no, you told me it was ok, so I--
The Mom: No you shouldn't have asked in the first place! You are so rude and it's really unfair to everyone else--
Me: You don't understand, this is a real thing in golf, it's when people in the front are slower and--
The Mom: IT DOESN'T MATTER IF WE'RE SLOW YOU NEED TO BE PATIENT AND WAIT YOU ARE SO RUDE AND
I have to hand it to this woman, she is REALLY GOOD at steamrolling because she just kept yelling at me at a consistent speed and volume that I had no space to rebut or respond. (The only time she actually let me talk was when I said I asked if it was ok. After that, she was an unstoppable train. Just repeating the same lines over and over.)
At this point both of us were really loud because we were trying to talk over each other. This whole time neither of our spouses did or said anything. After 30 seconds of this thing, my husband finally stepped and shouted, "OK ENOUGH, NOTHING IS GOING TO GET RESOLVED, JUST LET IT GO." I stopped immediately and just walked out of the golf place with him.
Later, husband said that I should not have asked the parents to play through, and also I should have consulted with him first before asking. I disagree.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
YR11tibbYYmAThEiCLnaK0t0iXuGE6Ym
|
a337yl
|
{
"description": "thumping a car that nearly hit me",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For thumping a car that nearly hit me?
|
About a week or two ago I was walking into the grocery store. The grocery store parking is about as you would expect. Each entrance/exit has a crosswalk with stop signs on either side.
As I walked up to the crosswalk the person on my left was stopped at the stop sign letting traffic through and a car on my right was just coming up to the stop sign. I entered the crosswalk and the car on my right was suddenly right ontop of me. They grazed me with their mirror so in retaliation, I popped their car with knuckle.
When I say pop I don't mean punch, kick, knee, or any kind of meaningful force. A single knuckle flick to the car strong enough to make a thump and get her (the driver's) attention but nothing more than that.
AITA for thumping her car in retaliation?
For those wondering how this ended, she screamed "What the fuck?" and got out of the car to yell at me for hitting her car. When she threatened to call the cops I begged her to so I could watch her explain how she ran a stop sign and struck a pedestrian in a marked crosswalk in broad daylight. That was enough to shut her up and send her on her way.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
wC0clPhof04I3tew2ZoDgTXLzoGfUxFN
|
b073ag
|
{
"description": "seriously considering an opportunity",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for seriously considering an opportunity?
|
Throwaway because reasons.
My partner and I have been together for 4ish years, currently living together. Starting in the fall, I'll be moving about 3 hours away for graduate school (Not the issue, we had anticipated this for awhile).
The problem is that when I went to meet with my new advisor very recently, I was presented with the opportunity to get a drastic head start on my thesis with a 5 month field season roughly 6 hours away and starting in May. So now instead of five months to plan and be together, we would have 2 and will see each other pretty rarely for awhile.
This is the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, and I can see this is really hard on him (it's pretty hard on me too tbh). Every time I mention it I can see it hurts them. However, we're both still pretty young, and this is an amazing career/personal opportunity for me to finally be following my passion.
So reddit, AITA for being selfish and seriously considering this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
a619p7
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my gf for giving the mechanic an extra $135",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my gf for giving the mechanic an extra $135?
|
Backstory, she has a part time job where she works around 70ish hours every two weeks making about $14/ hour.
She always complains about not having enough money, to the point where we decided I would pay more of the rent than her because I make more.
She asks me to tell her what to do with her money because she says she bad with saving money and always over spends on thing. She never listens to me anyways so that doesn't matter.
Story, her car kind of broke down so we budgeted $350 to pay for the mechanic. We don't have another car so he comes and picks her and I up because the cars done and we drive him back to the shop. She asked me for another $40 just in case earlier in the day, she already has $365, so I give it to her. When we get to the shop the mechanic says the total is $280 so instead of giving him the 280 or the 350 originally budgeted she gives him the entire $415 she had. On the way home I get mad at her for giving away money she doesn't have, she says I don't know shit and it would've been more at another mechanic. I tell her she obviously doesn't know shit either because she doesn't have the money to just be giving it away.
So she dropped me off at home and she's driving around because shes mad at me for getting mad at her and now I just got a text from her saying I was being disrespectful and she doesn't want to be with me if I'm going to act like that.
I don't feel like I did anything wrong but what do you guys think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
mkAwdyrjgm2gNBrmFY0paIHZuM2iNHuY
|
au3sov
|
{
"description": "giving an attorney my gf's number",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for giving an attorney my gf's number?
|
For context I got a phone call 2 days ago from a traffic attorney asking for my gf. I was caught off guard and asked why he called my number and not hers. He said she called him on the 19th of February and left them my number. So I simply left him her number and proceeded to text her. I told her I got a call from an attorney asking for her and I gave them her number. She acted confused and said it was probably from the last time I called them. (I called them a month ago for a speeding ticket she got.) I checked the number and saw I haven't called this number since a month ago, and the attorney said he got a call on the 19th from her. So I told her what he said and she got very pissed off and started saying "well it wasn't me! I didn't call anyone! Why would you give them my number?" Now I don't know why she exploded like this but long story short it turned into an argument of me trying to explain I didn't know any better and just gave him her contact info since she called them.
So am I the asshole for giving them her number and telling her they called??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
b8bzx2
|
{
"description": "being angry with my girlfriend for wearing her wedding ring",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being angry with my girlfriend for wearing her wedding ring?
|
For some backstory my girlfriend and I have been together for five months while she is still trying to get a divorce from her current husband. We have a long distance relationship and visit each other every so often. They have been split up for almost a year now, but recently (yesterday) quit living together. He asked her to continue to wear her wedding ring while they were still living together, but now are split up. He left during December for a whole month and she did not wear it during that time. She did not want to wear it anymore, but did to not upset her husband. As well I asked her before knowing this, and she told me “it was burning a hole in her hand.”
Today I noticed her wearing it and asked her about it since they are split up and she said it was just habit and not a big deal. A couple hours later I saw her wearing it still and got aggravated with her. Mentioned it to her again and asked her why she still wore it. Told her I felt disrespected that she continued to wear it even though I told her it bothered me.
So Reddit, AITA for requesting that she not wear it and getting upset with her for doing so after I mentioned once?
Sorry if there are any formatting errors. I am on mobile.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
ggBj5k7iE2TKGKt5hw2FIt0TMqXurUxj
|
b7rnnb
|
{
"description": "expecting my friend to say goodbye to me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for expecting my friend to say goodbye to me
|
My friend comes over at least once a week, but usually closer to 5. Almost every time he comes over, he bails out of the blue without saying goodbye. Often enough, he’ll get up an leave while I’m standing right there, but sometimes he’ll wait until I go inside. Usually I’ll shoot him a text asking where he went, and he’ll usually say he’ll be back in a couple hours or so. But sometimes he won’t come back when he says he would. He also does things like say that he’ll come over at 3, and then show up 5 hours later than he says he would.
When I call him out on it, he’ll say that he’s not my boyfriend/he gets enough shit from his ex-wife/that none of his other friends complain when he does it. Am I blowing this out of proportion? It’s getting to the point that I’m almost ready to give up on him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
a41m9d
|
{
"description": "not wanting my bf to stop giving me advice when I don't ask for it",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for not wanting my bf to stop giving me advice when I don't ask for it?
|
We've definitely had the same fight more than a few times and I walk away feeling like he's being a dick but maybe he has a point and I need to be brought back to reality.
I vent to my bf sometimes about my best friend. I love her, she's family, but she has a tendency to be a little self involved. It's something I find obnoxious, but honestly it isn't that major. So let's just use the fight today as an example. I have a holiday party coming up that she is going to with me, and last year she had a few too many. She wasn't alone in that, most people really should have been cut off. That said, she was wrecked and this year because of her and another person the party will be much tamer since it's a work thing.
I mentioned to my bf that I was a little nervous because she kind of has a fuck it attitude about the whole thing, but then immediately after that I was like but honestly I hope she gets wasted and it's a giant shit show. This exchange happened on slack, so immediately after that he starts in. He gives me a couple of sentences in quotes to send to her as though our conversation is a post on some reddit advice sub, or as though I asked him in the first place for advice on how to handle it. I find the whole thing super condescending, and I let him know that.
He responds with well I hate that you talk shit about your friends then don't say anything to them. So I counter with cool, let's go tell your friends at work all of the things you say and he tells me those aren't friends. Those are literally the only people he hangs out with so I guess he doesn't consider anyone to be a friend? So don't give me advice on my friends. You see where this goes, we end up super shitty with each other and we both walk away with that fuck you feeling.
So I know the way to solve the problem, I'm no longer going to make any negative comments about my friends to him. My question is am I the asshole in the arguments we've already had? They always go pretty much to the tee like this one did.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
b4r8b9
|
{
"description": "calling my sister a mentally challenged whore because she called my girlfriend ugly",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for calling my sister a mentally challenged whore because she called my girlfriend ugly?
|
So this happened exactly a week ago. I brought my new girlfriend to my parents house to meet my family. I introduced her to everyone and everyone was pretty nice except my sister. She’s not the most pleasant person to begin with and my girlfriend sensed it. When she left my sister blurted out loud “wow she’s ugly, you can do better!” I wasn’t entirely shocked because she says dumb and rude shit all the time. But it pissed me off, she laughed a little and said she was complimenting me and that I could do better. I got angry and lost it I told her she was a mentally challenged loser and whore and that’s why her husband left her stupid ass to be a single mother, and that kid would be better off with his dad than with her, because at least then he might have a chance at being a normal human being.
She lost it and started screaming at me, calling me names and throwing shit at. I left soon after and a few days later I got a call from my dad telling me not to come over because my sister is still angry and will call the cops on me and say I hit her if I come by. Was I in the wrong here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 15
}
|
WRONG
|
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|
aj9wps
|
{
"description": "wanting my bf to cut contact with his ex-gf after catching him looking at her nudes",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my bf to cut contact with his ex-gf after catching him looking at her nudes?
|
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 3 years, I've moved to the other side of the world to live with him so it's serious. I don't doubt his love for me.
Anyway, he has an ex gf which was his first love and they were dating just over 2 years when they were teenagers, so about 5 years ago. They message each other maybe once a month to catch up (I know this because he told me) and she wishes his happy birthday and stuff, at first I had never heard of ex relationships keeping in contact if they don't have children together so I thought it was strange, but I had accepted it because I thought it was innocent.
BUT this changed when we both came home drunk from a party, we got into bed and I turned around to see him looking at her naked body on his phone -_-
I was upset and in the morning we talked about it. He said he was on the toilet and wanted to know if he still had the photos, which is a silly excuse because why would you enlarge the photo after seeing the thumbnail? Apparently when he opened his phone is popped up because he forgot to close it on the toilet. (These photos are on Facebook messager from years ago btw)
Now I feel like he isn't fully over his ex and uncomfortable when he speaks to her, he says he doesn't want to cut contact with her because she was a significant part of his life. Am I the asshole for wanting him to cut ties now?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
ak2pa3
|
{
"description": "wanting to label our relationship",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to label our relationship?
|
I’m gonna apologize in advanced for any grammatical errors, English is my second language.
Throwaway account because my friends know my main and I don’t want them to see, they’ll make the situation worse.
So, I’ve (22F) been going out with this girl (22F) for a year and a half. We both liked each other but didn’t really want to go out because we’re the only lesbians in our small town and felt like it was expected. But eventually I gave and asked her out, she said yes and we went on a date. The date went fantastic and we really hit it off. A few more dates later and I asked her to be a my girlfriend. She said no and explained it by saying “I really like you but I don’t want to force labels on our relationship so early.” And yeah, I could agree with that. I didn’t press anymore and was just happy spending time with her.
But it’s gotten to the point where I want her to be my girlfriend. We’ve been going out for so long! I just feel like it’s overdue. I mean, we’re basically already a couple just without the title; nothing would even change besides me being able to introduce her as my girlfriend. (We’ve met each other’s parents, I went to her house for Thanksgiving, she spent Christmas with my family and I, she happily learns about my culture and language, we even live in the same apartment as of a month ago).
Until a week ago, I never brought up us becoming girlfriends, I just thought she’ll bring it up even she was ready. But, then my cousin told me the reason she probably didn’t want to label our relationship because she is cheating or doesn’t really like me. And that thought scared me so I gave in and asked her about it. It caused an argument. She called me an asshole for “wanting to force labels onto us” and that “we can enjoy our time together without the need for a label.” I asked her why she didn’t want to be my girlfriend and she didn’t answer just keep insisting that we don’t need them.
I feel terrible about everything because I love this girl and want to spend my time with her, I never wanted to upset her. Should I just drop it and be happy that we’re going out? Should I be worried like my cousin said? (I would ask my friends and family for advice but I fear they’d make it worse by harassing her about it or something). So Reddit, am I the asshole like she says?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
4ATmb0gFh3O8G85RrJsTPHZyDEyQKcow
|
ahdk3j
|
{
"description": "looking up hot girls on instagram",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for looking up hot girls on instagram?
|
I’m in a long distance relationship with my girlfriend so the trust issue sometimes gets strained. During the most recent visit she saw that I had recently searched up a few girls (both that i know and don’t know) on instagram and asked me about it. I told her honestly, I looked them up because I thought they were attractive and enjoy looking at hot girls but nothing else. (I’ve never cheated, intended to, or even ever wanted to cheat)
She was very upset and I understand why she’d be uncomfortable with it so I told her I’d stop because I’d rather not make her feel that way. She started making me feel guilty about it saying it’s disgusting and that I should never have done it. I told her that we have different views because I think it’s totally fine as long as it doesn’t mean anything and if she wanted to look up hot guys, as long as she never acted on it, I’d be completely fine with it. She’s also upset that I only stopped because she was mad about it and I didn’t think it was a problem until she brought it up.
She says it’s okay to think people are hot but not okay to actively and repeatedly look them up because i wanted to see their hot pictures.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b1bey5
|
{
"description": "not wanting my photo taken",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my photo taken?
|
hi everyone! i've never posted something like this before so bear with me i guess
​
So for background, my whole life I've had self esteem and body image issues. I've never liked having my photo taken by other people (or myself most times), and have only recently started participating in group photos, despite still hating the outcome. Typically seeing photos of myself just makes me miserable, whether they're taken by me, or by someone else (but especially someone else). I'm not talking just "oh boo, how unflattering," but like, sometimes crying about it, thinking almost compulsively about it, etc. I've also had instances in the past where friends have posted bad photos of me purposely, as jokes, and often refusing to remove them because "they're funny," even if I nearly plead with them to.
​
My mom is very praise-y about my appearance all the time, complimenting me on that more than anything else. She often asks to take a photo of me, which I usually deny. She uses the arguments that it's "just for her," "I'm your mother, I'm allowed to take photos of you if I want to," and uses guilt to try to persuade me like "if you/I die, you'll regret not letting me take these photos," "if something ever happened to you, I'd have NO photos of you. You're okay with that?" ~~(btw she does have photos of me just i guess not as many as she'd like?)~~ etc., etc., etc. I try to tell her that I'm uncomfortable with it and that it's upsetting for me, but she doesn't seem to accept that because she thinks I look nice/the photo is nice.
Additionally, in the last few years, she's gotten Twitter and has been super active on it (and some of my friends follow her), where she'll sometimes tweet about me or something related to me. She's tweeted photos of me before without asking, ones that she claimed were "just for her," and she wouldn't post, which makes me distrust her now when she says it (these aren't in any way inappropriate or anything, by the way, in case this is reading weirdly. just not flattering or genuine candid photos).
​
I know it upsets and frustrates her, but I can't help feeling like this? I know this sounds vain or childish or something, and I'm sure one day I'll get over this, but as it stands right now, I'm just not there yet. I'm not trying to sound ungrateful for her praise or anything, though, because her approval is really meaningful to me, I'm just uncomfortable in this situation and it's been going on for years.
​
AITA for not wanting my photo taken/posted, regardless of how someone else thinks it looks?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
alk1z7
|
{
"description": "jeopardizing my brother's chances of going to University",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for jeopardizing my brother's chances of going to University?
|
Basically my brother who is soon about to graduate from HS is finishing up the process of applying to several colleges in hopes of getting an Art degree specifically in Animation. Although, I do believe he has the potential to succeed and is pretty talented I just cannot in good conscious help him attend any of these overpriced, in my opinion useless degree mills. I'm basically building up to courage to shatter his aspirations due to the fact that not only would he would be up the ass in debt but might not be able to find suitable employment or satisfaction in this field. I would feel tremendously guilty knowing I was just a passer by in him fucking himself over when I should have just suffered an uncomfortable moment and ended it there.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
R16rV0GsSMMhPJ6RoosSyZ2FVrpYLyb9
|
aj1tlj
|
{
"description": "wanting to relax at home and save money",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to relax at home and save money
|
So bit of a context here, my girlfriend (18F) is the type that loves going out and going on adventures like shopping, theme parks, eating out, activities and such. Me (20M) is very much the opposite and would love to stay at home, relax and spend some cuddle time with her but always down if she wants to go somewhere or do something. The thing is, I am (or would like to identify as) the breadwinner or a very slight definition of it, meaning I go work 5-6 days a week, 30 hours average and earn the money "we" essentially both spend etc. Like it's not much money but it gets my bills paid weekly and just barely enough to go out with her and do stuff. She on the other hand doesn't work as she's busy caring and babysitting her older sister's baby and can't afford to do the things she loves anymore or just can't find the time to do it in general with me or her friends, basically she is stuck at home 24/7.
So last night, I basically said that our plans when she comes down on the night before my RDO is we go out have dinner and the next day just spend it at my place and just chill and watch some movies and cook together. But she got snappy and said "we always do that, we always do what you want and never what I want". I was tired and replied that "we always go out and do what you want to do whenever you're down. Why can't we spend time at home on my day off and enjoy our private couple time together?" It escalated to where she mentioned that everything she wants to do gets shut down by me and is stupid, guilt tripping me. I've never hinted or said that, only saying everytime that it costs money and "we" need to save if we want to travel to New Zealand this year and shouldn't be constantly going out for breakfast, lunch and dinner or going shopping etc, plus I'm tired from work. You guys get the gist of it by now.
She then goes off saying that I never want her to be happy and enjoy herself which hurts, cause I feel that way whenever she says that. I do want to make her happy but I also just want to make us both happy in the end, where we can both agree on something simple that's not financially and physically exhausting for me. Anyways, it got to a point where she says I make her feel needy, always wanting and wasteful of "our hard earned money". My reply to that was along the lines of we do waste money spending it on food we can make ourselves, on days where we can just find entertainment at home or do activities that don't cost ludicrous amounts and things we buy but don't necessarily need but you want because you're suddenly in the mood for it or looks pretty, plus I'm tired from work and just want to stay home and enjoy time with her. She got hurt and kept repeating that I always force my way and we stay at home, never doing what she wants and making her feel like we waste money. I tried explaining that I don't mean to always want to stay at home, but I'm exhausted after a long week and that we don't waste it but could just put aside for rainy days or our end goal for this year. Then it was just a constant loop of that until she just went to bed upset and tired. We always go out when she's down and some days I just want to stay comfy. But yeah, that's it I suppose.
TL:DR - Boyfriend wants to relax and cuddle with his partner at home, save money and have a great trip for special anniversary. Girlfriend wants to explore, shop, essentially spend said money.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b5z93c
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{
"description": "getting bothered when my BF likes and SHARES his ex's posts",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting bothered when my BF likes and SHARES his ex's posts?
|
I'm 23 (Female), he's 22. We have been dating for about two years. We are both in grad school (law school/MBA, respectively) now, and met in undergrad. He had a girlfriend in high school and during early years of college. I don't know a ton about her or their relationship. it's just he once told me that he lost contact with her and they don't talk at all. Anyway, I have recently (I'd say past few months or so) noticed that he has been not only liking and commenting on her IG and Facebook posts (which everyone does and I don't think is that big of a deal in theory) — but the part that is more of a big deal to me is that he's also been sharing some of her Facebook posts on HIS profile. context: Many of her Facebook posts are of her singing and performing because she is in musical theatre/performing arts at the school she's at. Recently he shared one and said "So talented, miss you!" --which is nice but kind of weird.. why does he have to share that? She does auditions and stuff and is talented! But it is kind of bothersome to me when my BF posts and likes/comments on her posts but sometimes will "not see " my posts. I'm admitting it makes me kind of jealous-- but mostly just bothered and weirded out a little bit. I get she's talented. I see/hear her perform, act, sing in these videos, but it's just weird to me-- why does he have to SHARE them? Should I talk to him about it? Am I just overreacting??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
aooitk
|
{
"description": "pressuring my wife to give me an occasional bj",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 27
}
|
AITA for pressuring my wife to give me an occasional BJ
|
Happily married monogamous one child and we’re both 30. We’ve been married for 3 years but my wife is completely against giving bjs. She’s always been against it but I love giving and receiving. At first I thought I could eventually get her to budge but she’s very firm on her stance. I told her sometimes in relations you might not like doing something but if your partner enjoys it you should be open to it at least occasionally. For example I’m not too enthusiastic about giving her massages but I do it anyways and it requires a lot of energy and time and I do it at least twice a month. I tried to bargain and told her I’d be happy to receive 1 bj for every 10 times I go down on her but she’s still not into negotiations. It’s not like I want her to live down there. I’d really be happy with a three minute blow job twice a year. And I’m totally willing to have a good shower beforehand.
Just really bummed out that by doing the right thing and staying faithful could potentially mean never again receiving a bj ever again.
AITA for asking my wife to love me the way I’d like to be loved even though she’s not really into it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 27
}
|
WRONG
|
y4lZnYO5vPFgNRr2mC3lzYXZIXCXtuTu
|
afqof3
|
{
"description": "getting these cars towed",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting these cars towed?
|
Last night my wife was having a going away dinner with a couple of women from work, so I’m at home with the kids. 8 o’clock rolls around and I go upstairs to put my down to bed and notice a car parked in my wife’s parking spot. My apartment complex gives each home one assigned parking spot, but there are open spots sprinkled throughout the assigned spots and also parking on the street. It looked like there was a pretty big party going on so there is no parking up and down the street. I thought about letting it go, but it’s our spot and the weather was nasty and I didn’t want my wife to have to walk far in that weather. I called the apartments tow company and had the car towed. I settled down to watch some tv when I see ANOTHER car pull into our spot and dash off into the party before I could situate my son and go say something....so I had their car towed too. It is the apartment complex’s policy to inform any guest that the assigned spots aren’t to be parked in. So I’m wondering if you guys think I’m the Asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
b25wl3
|
{
"description": "not allowing a toxic girl to sit next to me for 24 hours on a school bus",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not allowing a toxic girl to sit next to me for 24 hours on a school bus?
|
I'm about to on a 24 hour bus ride with my school to Austria. Initially, I planned to sit opposite my two actual friends, and sit alone. The plan was that I'd sit on the isle seat, and place my hand luggage at the window seat. Dick move, I know, but I don't want to sit next to a complete stranger or a girl. Now, let's call this girl C. C is a manipulative attention seeker, who's bullied and abused my friend group for 2 years. She's mentally and physically abusive, she's given my best friend multiple bruises down her leg. I've called her out on her shit, and she's played the victim.
​
She'll want to sit with me on the bus, but I know the moment we set off, she's gossip and start drama. I don't want to have to deal with that for a whole day, so that's when I developed the plan to sit alone. We've debated allowing her into our room, and we've decided to allow her to stay there, but that's about as much as I can tolerate. I'm not afraid to say, "Enough is enough, just quit." But then, she spreads rumours.
The group feels semi-guilty and we're not sure if we should go through with the plan. Am I the Asshole for 'excluding' this girl?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
aqa5rg
|
{
"description": "not tipping the bartender after every $1 drink",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 21
}
|
AITA for not tipping the bartender after every $1 drink?
|
It was thirsty Thursday, and very busy. The deal was $1 well drinks, and if you don't know what a well drink is, it's the cheapest liquor they have (which is why they can afford to sell it for $1. I got my first drink and tipped the bartender a dollar. Finished it in like 10-15 minutes and went back for another. I didn't tip him this time, I was going to tip every other drink. I mean it's a 100% tip for taking 5 seconds to pour me a drink. He was swamped and gave me my drink and told me "It's a long night to not be tipping, they're $1 for a reason". That got me mad, I made sure not to go back to that guy. They're $1 because it's cheap liquor.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 21
}
|
WRONG
|
bt396PBXxoB6jbxFHs7cSTwlNCHIY4Zk
|
a9v2yk
|
{
"description": "refusing to quit my job",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to quit my job?
|
I know that this is probably a stupid question but for context I'm a girl who's 19 and we live in Ireland. I'm a full time student living at homebut recently got a job in a bar. My mum is happy for me but has told me a few times I should look for another job that's at daytime and isn't bar work.
Her reasoning is because I usually don't finish until 2am and she thinks this is too late for a student and she gets worried about me so she stays awake even though I tell her not to. She's also worried because I have high functioning autism (ASD) and doesn't like the fact that I'm around drunk people as I'm still quite young mentally. She's also upset they've made me work boxing day and new year's eve, even though the family are meant to get together for food and drinks on new year's eve.
My reasoning for staying is that I really like absolutely everyone who works there and if I went to another job the likelihood of being friendly with everyone is slim. I also like most customers and the fact that you get tips on top of what you get paid which won't be the case anywhere else really. It's good as well because it fits in to my university schedule as I always start work at 6-8 so there's no chance it'll interfere with my class schedule. I also like daytime and like to go on walks in the morning that last for a few hours. If I worked in the daytime that couldn't happen. I only go out at night as in nightclubs like once a month and I usually get Saturdays off work anyway. I like how easy the job is as well because it's just cleaning and stuff like that. I do volunteer work for a charity shop based on poverty and that's actually harder and more stress because it's more complicated. I like just cleaning it's easier.
So am I the the asshole because I won't quit my job even though it inconveniences and worries my mum?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
4FITGFsx7aydidAb5r5iAo05az8Ow6im
|
axvdvc
|
{
"description": "posting a picture showing a child's butt on Reddit",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for posting a picture showing a child's butt on Reddit?
|
I found the picture on a meme page on Facebook and posted it to the kids are fucking stupid subreddit. In the picture a small child's(2yr old?) butt is visible. It is not supposed to be sexual in any way, according to me atleast, and is totally in line with the subreddit's theme. You can see the picture in my post history and decide for yourself. However, few people messaged me saying it was equivalent to child porn and I'm sure a lot of people reported it because I recieved the following message from Reddit today-
We've been alerted to activity on your account(s) that is considered
a violation of our rules on sexual or suggestive content involving
minors.
Reddit has a strict policy against any content that sexualizes minors,
including content involving people who appear to be minors.
Please familiarize yourself with Reddit's Content Policy, especially our
policy against minor sexualization, to make sure you understand the
rules for participating on Reddit.
I wanted to have a discussion about this. Am I the asshole for posting the picture?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ky1WlKl1r3nbQQ51SAOZ1LCGlIvK6e9W
|
b6935m
|
{
"description": "not sharing my writing with my husband",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not sharing my writing with my husband?
|
I write about 1-2k words a day, and I work on all sorts of stories. I write original short stories, I’m working on a novel, I write fan fiction to develop my plotting prowess (and for fun), and I work on a collection of poems. It takes up a lot of my spare time and it’s my favorite hobby. Maybe eventually I’d like to write for publication, but for the most part, I write for me. Until I’m ready to write for publication, I’m also intensely private about my writing.
Lately, my husband has been coming up behind me while I write and looking over my shoulder, saying, “Whatcha working on?” I quickly close my document and just tell him that I’m writing. He’s hurt that I won’t share any of my works-in-progress, and feels like it means I don’t trust him. Which he’s not totally wrong—I think he’d make light fun of me for the fan fiction in particular, but it’s mostly that it’s something that’s just mine, for now. I promised him that I’d let him read something when I’m ready, but also admitted that it could be a few years from now, if ever.
While he’d never use the word “asshole,” he definitely thinks ITA for hiding/not sharing such a big part of my life with him. I think to him, I spend hours working on something and it’s clearly important to me, but I withhold it from him, my life partner. I get that, but I also think it’s okay for me to have something that’s just mine. But maybe it’s too extreme?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b07tkm
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriend to not take a 2 week vacation",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I tell my boyfriend to not take a 2 week vacation?
|
My boyfriend and I live together, but we don't get to spend much time together. During the week days, he gets home late and tired and only wants to unwind by watching videos, eating and sleeping early. I understand that, but I don't count eating together as quality time spent. His job is unpredictable and he has to work about half of the weekends, spending nights in another town.
He has friends in a town a few hours away that he likes to visit once a month. He stays the entire weekend with them and I can't come along also because we have two dogs and I have to take care of them, and his friends don't have space for our two dogs. We've often invited them to visit us but the ratio of him visiting them vs them visiting us is about 10:1.
So there's only about one weekend per month for us to spend quality time, but there's also one silver lining on the horizon: a four week vacation to Asia when his job is off-season this fall.
Now last weekend he spent at his friends', and one apparently proposed for him to take a two week vacation with him very soon. They did that last year already. I hate the idea of not seeing him during those two weeks already, but because he's using up all his vacation days for the four week vacation with me, he can only take the two week vacation if he works overtime enough to make up for it. It would amount to 80 hours overtime.
I have only told him that he needs to remember that it's 80 hours less for us on top of the two weeks, but apart from that I haven't told him how much I hate the idea. Whenever we spend time together, it's obvious how much we're made for each other, we're always having the best time, laughing, doing our hobbies together. We barely argue and we often joke about how we don't even need to talk anymore because we can read each others minds (we still can't stop talking non-stop). Despite this, this entire year I've been having day-dreams about breaking up with him and finding someone just like him but with more time... These are intrusive thoughts that I can't control, I would never really want to break up with him but it's hurting me so much to see him so little.
He cries often whenever we're apart for more than like 4 days, he needs me too. He told me he was miserable on the two week vacation last year because he was without me. He's also on the spectrum (but highly functional). He probably has a new job next year, but I expect the situation to only improve a little.
Do you think I would be the asshole if I tried to discourage him from taking the vacation? I feel like he'd say yes to any plans his friends would make... But I also don't want to be controlling in any way, or demanding...
(I'm still studying and also have a very flexible part time job, but I study/work during times when we're not together anyway so it's not relevant. We also have separate finances, he works for himself, not for us.)
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b7lix6
|
{
"description": "telling me depressed friend he's becoming toxic and needs to start doing things for himself",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I told me depressed friend he’s becoming toxic and needs to start doing things for himself?
|
I have a friend who claims he has bipolar depression, ever since then I said I'll do my best to help, which I did. It increasingly got worse to the point where he tried to end his life twice, one he sent me obvious messages and I found him in the aftermath. Which made my depression and anxiety 10x worse than it's ever been and I haven't recovered. Hes had multiple options to get help, which he doesn't do. And is constantly self destructive and blames other people for it.
But then he started asking for favors that ranged from small to big/expensive. Some nights I'd spend trying to sleep and he'd ask for a favor really late at night, and I would agree everytime, because I began to feel like if I ever rejected helping him, he'd be closer to killing himself, I started thinking like this ever since I found him after the first time he attempted to. Sometimes I'd be hanging out with my girlfriend and he'd send me messages saying he wanted to go for a ride or needed a favor, and it caused serious problems with my girlfriend and caused big fights because I began to dedicate my time to help him a lot more than seeing her and she began to feel alone because of her anxiety, she supported me helping him at first, but she said shes starting to believe he's using me. I couldnt accept it at first, but I started to. These favors were only the tip of the iceberg, theres a lot more serious ones but that's too long to say.
One time for three days, he went on a depressive episode staying home. I tried to reach out to make sure he was okay and alive and I had a bad anxiety attack because I thought it was my fault for some reason. A week before he was giving obvious hints he didnt have money to complete his tax return fee. So I gave him money and a ride to his agent since he was almost broke. I had my girlfriend message him that his agent called and his tax return was ready, this is when I found out he blocked me. And all of a sudden his episode "ended" and he apologized and asked for a ride to see his agent after he read the message. That same night he made a joke about killing himself and I said, "Cmon man Im busting my ass for you." He went on a rant saying how he hated when people said that to him, like they forgot what he's done for them. That hurt, a LOT. It was like everything I've done he's disregarded because he felt like he'd done enough for me, he hasn't, trust me. He spent the rest of the night saying he had it worse than me.
I used to have fun and now I feel worse everytime we get done hanging out because he has started to get rude. He calls me out for random things for no reason, lies about things he claims our friends say, or just lies in general, and constantly passive agressively talks. Its taking its toll on my mental health and I now think its toxic, he needs to start doing things himself, but he doesn't really have anyone else at all, I feel obligated to stay and help, WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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GBB7ANl5pZv6bd4DmNLPTW2CLO8thTdE
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auu5os
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{
"description": "being mad at my gf for a concert",
"pronormative_score": 0,
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|
AITA for being mad at my gf for a concert?
|
So me and my girlfriend were texting throughout the day as usual. She goes Travis Scott is in concert near us and the concert is next Sunday. She was like she got the tickets and they were $70, and I was like OK I’ll give you the money for them. She didn’t want the money as we pay for stuff and never ask each other for money. She later texts me saying it’s ok a Sunday and since I have to get up early at 6am On Monday I didn’t have to come. That’s never been an issue. We stayed out numerous times when I had work and we both work early.
I was like you’re sending mixed signals so I don’t know if I wanna go. Her next texts consisted of excuses she was making for me and how she’d love for me to come. But if if I wanted to back out she would be mad. I was just like yea I definitely don’t wanna go.
She tried calling me after and I flat out told her I don’t want to talk to her. She tried to play the victim and say why are you mad at you didnt want to go. Then she was like I was joking, I didn’t know you would get so upset and apologizing. I was like basically you uninvited me and I see right through your bullshit. So whatever and I haven’t spoken to her since.
FYI she’s really sweet and does a lot. We both put some effort into doing cute things for each other. So I guess I’m I was so pissed because this is completely out of left field.
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9xu5cv
| null |
AITA. I told my friend what I thought was a difficult truth to hear, now he isn't talking to me
|
One of my friends is supposedly suffering from depression (I am also a sufferer of severe mental illness) but its one of those cases where he won't help himself and pulls out the depression card when it suits him, like when we encourage him to do something with his life. He has since stopped hanging when it doesn't suit him. He's come out saying to me in private, and insulting many of his 'former' friends saying he hates them and hasn't come out when they're around. The is no warranted hate here, these are good kindhearted people who I know extremely well and want the best for him
Basically he didn't come out to celebrate a pretty important day for me. Ok that's fine, I can deal with that no problem, disappointed but I'm used to this. Anyway he wants to hang out and I say no, because he's going out drinking but I said no because its a work night and need an early night. Anyway he starts complaining and starts insulting me over the phone, I tell him that he didn't come to my thing a couple of weeks ago, so don't kick up a stink when I say no to clubbing.
He then uses the depression card and I tell him not to do that because its making excuses and isn't helping his situation. He then tells me not to talk to him. I saw him a week and a half later and tried to talk to him and hold out the olive branch he told me to fuck off and not talk to me... in public. Am I the asshole here?
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RIGHT
|
crsVJMkzkMYXwbXrCRZfAXrdHTbXJHYW
|
ah0zo4
| null |
AITA: Family didn't tell me for several months that my grandparents are dying, should I be upset?
|
Backstory, since I feel like it's important to determine assholiness here:
​
I am fairly estranged from my dads' side of the family, aside from my brother whom I'm in regular contact with. I get important news from my uncle (dad's brother), sometimes. There is one other uncle, and my grandparents, whom I haven't seen since 2014 and do not maintain regular contact with. If you must know, we've just never been close. My dad always fights with my uncles and grandparents, especially since he remarried in 2008. They're all incredibly toxic. My dad's just one of those hyper critical people that you can never please. He didn't go to my wedding, he wrote me a letter (one of many) when I bought my house that even though that was a great accomplishment, he couldn't be proud of me (mostly because I don't get along with his wife). We don't even text Merry Christmas. I just want to reiterate that almost all contact with him over the last 7 years has been very hostile, usually with me being avoidant at his inflammatory contact. Anyway.
​
On a weekday in September my uncle texts me that my grandma fractured her hip, and she was in the hospital. I said thanks for the heads up. I asked my brother if he wanted to go visit with before she was discharged on the following Monday (according to him). It's the right thing to do. I hear nothing, nothing, then I decide to go myself on a Sunday, find out she was already discharged on SATURDAY. No one in the family told me, fine, people get busy and it's not like I'm in the fold regularly anyway. I assume she went home.
​
Nope. My father called me last week. Apparently my grandma has been in rehab the last 4 months, and readmitted FOUR TIMES since September. My grandpa, who has dementia, is now in assisted living. In so many words, my father told me my grandparents are dying. He wanted to get together last weekend to see them, but cancelled. Said we'll touch base this week instead.
​
Well, I've had enough time to stew on it. In the past, I'd jump whenever he'd say jump. Every time I put myself out there, he brings up stuff from the past and gets angry, even if it's not immediately. Now that I've had communication with my dad again, I'm very anxious, and angry. I'm mad that no one told me the whole story, even my brother, whom I've seen at lease once a month since this started. Now my dad is expecting me to run with him to see his parents, whom he's fought with for as long as I've known them, and knows that I have no relationship with them. It's terrible to say, but we've never been close. Any contact with my grandparents the last 10 or so years has been entirely initiated by me. Half the time they don't return my calls. I'm their only granddaughter, and not like that means anything at the end of the day, but even as a child they were dismissive or at best indifferent to me. They're strangers.
​
The last week has given me a lot of time to think about my dad. The last I heard from him was the "hate letter" I got after I bought my house in 2017. Now he's acting like it didn't happen. Like we're supposed to try and rekindle (again) over this. I hate to say it, but I don't want my dad around. Every time I get a text, my anxiety goes nuts because it might be him. I'm not an anxious person, I don't have GAD. No one makes me feel as bad as he does, my whole life. I don't even want to go with him to see his parents, but that Catholic guilt I was brought up with tells me I should just to put on a facade. I don't want to go you guys. I'm a 30 year old woman but I don't feel that I'm handling it like one. Should I just put everything aside and go with my estranged father to see my grandparents? This weekend is supposed to be a huge snowstorm and I want to tell him I'm not coming. You see, my fear is he'll get mad. He can cancel on me any time, but I KNOW that if I try and put limitations on HIM, he's gonna get pissed and try to guilt trip me.
​
Mind you, no one has told me where my grandparents are. I'm just expected to meet my dad.... SOMEWHERE, and drive there. I want to just ask for the addresses and go myself when I'm in the right head space, but I know my dad will take it personally. So when they DO die, it's going to cause an even bigger rift between us.
​
TL;DR: I'll end it with this. It's my choice to distance myself from my family. Am I offended that they didn't tell me for four months that my grandparents have been in rehab/admitted/in a home? A little, but their reasoning is justified from their perspective. I'm just not in the picture. However, when I AM put in the fold, like in this instance, all the expectation of having been in the fold the whole time becomes apparent, and that is what I don't like. I'm expected run to everyone's beckon call regardless of how they've treated me, or my reasoning for doing or not doing something. Nothings' come to a head yet, but it will.
​
Am I the asshole here?
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RQ34HyRdPb2LuSOktE4a4vlk6bKlKb8I
|
amq42i
|
{
"description": "reporting it stolen to the police",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I report it stolen to the police?
|
I gave a broken AR-15 to a ex coworker of mine to fix and he never returned it. I’ve tried calling, sending my schedule to him, and even mailing him.
WIBTA if I report it stolen to the police?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
tMMa1qcDfTtzDBfEeDT8vS98iHuywB23
|
b179uo
|
{
"description": "not being my mother's friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not being my mother's friend?
|
I'm 28 and I live with my mother. Our relationship has always been rocky, but it had improved tremendously in the six years we lived apart. Due to financial reasons (I'm currently unemployed), I had to move back in with her last year.
​
The thing is, my mother is the kind of person who won't do anything by herself, e.g. she will refuse to go to the movies to watch something she really wants to unless she has company. We have vastly different personalities, and we honestly don't have much in common besides "being family", and I really just don't feel like spending time with her. I always knew this on some level, but when I lived with her years before she had a SO to do things with and never really complained about my lack of participation, so to speak. She's currently single and her few friends are all married, so she feels "abandoned" a lot.
​
Because I'm the closest person to her right now, she has latched on to me to be not only her friend, but her best friend, and gets really passive-aggressive when I don't want to do things with her. It makes the whole living situation needlessly stressful. I'm struggling to get a good job that will finally get me out of her house for good, but in the meantime I obviously do my part around the house (I'm basically her housewife at this point). And while sometimes I feel like this is enough, others I feel guilty for being her daughter, but not her friend. Am I the asshole here?
​
There's a lot more to it, obviously, but hopefully the story will make sense as is.
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xhDBWVcCJZ8f40mWnbf482EyEq8plGjY
|
a6x38y
|
{
"description": "cutting off someone who is suicidal but is causing me panic attacks and manipulating me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for cutting off someone who is suicidal but is causing me panic attacks and manipulating me?
|
Sorry it's a long one, also on mobile so sorry again. I really just want opinions on if I handled this situation the right way or not.
So I used to have a friend who lived around the corner from me, we used to skate and hang out all the time almost daily. She moved away about 5 years ago
A few weeks ago she messaged me out of the blue asking to call me. She basically told me that she had been in a really abusive relationship, was in a coma for a bit and all her friends were on drugs and she didn't want anything to do with them and asked if we could hang out. Myself having no friends said of course and went to hang out with her as I thought it would be good to have a friend and be a friend to her in her time of need.
Turns out she's massively suicidal and depressed, which is totally fine with me been there done that I just want to help any way I can. As time passed she didn't feel safe at her house so I offered for her to stay at mine for a few days. She was there for 4 days but what I discovered is that she's a liar and very manipulative. She told me she threw up in the bushes out front while having a smoke (there was no throw up) she said she was in a coma for 6months, then it was a year then it was a year and half. I checked her Facebook and she had been posting throughout the whole time she was "in a coma". I dropped her home after 4 days as my partner was getting a bit fed up and as I dropped her off she said "I don't know if I'm gonna make it tonight bro" that was not the first time she had said that since regaining connection with me. She has also said things like "this might be your last chance to talk to me/see me, I'm going away, ive been planning this for days tonight is my last night etc" when I have said I might not be able to see her which makes me feel bad so I change plans and things so I can be there. I've been there for her every call so that she's ok even if it meant it put strain on my relationship.
Anyway she turned around one day and started saying that I thought it was a joke and I didn't care blah blah which is totally not true after everything I've done for her especially since we've had almost no contact for 5 years except one exchange on Facebook about a year ago. Then a few days later she tells me she's in hospital and to leave her the fuck alone and that she didn't know if she wanted to talk anymore, so what do I do? I left her alone just like she asked because I was not about to be sworn at like that and try keep messaging her. She got mad that I hadn't messaged her a week later.
It gets better guys, yesterday she messaged me saying her dad (who she said she doesn't talk to) is trying to call me. Hm I have no missed calls, she doesn't have my number and if it was on Facebook it would have come through. I told her I had no missed calls and she said "well I was sitting right next to him. I'm in a hospital bed. He tried calling. Anyways hes just trying to get you to call me so can you call" at the time I couldn't as I was having Christmas dinner with my family so I said I can't right now. She got kinda mad being like "my dad said he will go to your house if he has to, you're the only person I asked to see and now I'm in hospital, there will be a time when you can this isn't a joke I'm about to be put into a medically induced coma" at this point everytime she messages me I have a panic attack because I feel like she's gonna manipulate me and lie and attack me so Im freaking out while having this conversation with her. I asked why she was being put into the coma and why I was the only one who could help and she said "how many times do I have to say it, call me" at this point I was fed up.
I sent her a long message that basically said how many times do I have to say I can't call? I'm having panic attacks everytime you message me because I feel bad I can't help you or be there and you're manipulating me by saying things like I'm not gonna make it and then being completely fine the next day and all the other stuff she has done and that I didn't want to talk to her anymore and that I hope she got better and then I blocked her.
Am I the asshole for doing it that way? I really just didn't want to get into an argument with her because I'm a bit of a doormat and all I want to do is help and Im very easily taken advantage of because of that. I tried my best to help her but she was so toxic I couldn't handle it. I know she was struggling and the few weeks I bent over backwards for her were based off the "what if she's not lying, what if it is her last night and me seeing her could help" but she was fine, she even told me she jumped in front of an ambulance, yes an ambulance not a car. I saw her the next day, not a scratch on her.
So am I the asshole for handling it that way? I feel like I am but my partner says it's not my responsibility and I shouldn't feel bad for cutting off someone toxic.
TL;DR old friend messages me after 5 years saying she is suicidal, I try my best to help her/ hang out when she needs even putting strain on my relationship and finances. She tells me I think it's a joke and I don't care and to leave her alone etc. Then says she's going to get put into a medically induced coma I need to call her asap, is sending me into panic attacks everytime she messages me so I send her a long message saying I don't want to talk anymore, explain why and then block her.
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NZ87YueDAYO6GbUsEgBjmGsnlOlwxkDc
|
at5mo6
|
{
"description": "sassing an old lady who asked me if I was going to clean up after my dog",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for sassing an old lady who asked me if I was going to clean up after my dog?
|
I live in Philadelphia where there aren’t many green spaces in my neighborhood. I walk my dog to a big open lot everyday so she can run around and go to the bathroom. In the lot, there’s a garbage can, but people still use the edge of it as a dumping area. E.g. There’s an old toilet, lumber from recent constructions, and random litter.
Today as soon as we go to the lot, from across the street, this old lady leans out of her window and yells, “Are you going to pick up that dogs poop?” And I said, “She hasn’t pooped yet, but I always do”. Then she said she was asking if I’m going to when she does go and I said I always do again. “I’m a good neighbor!” And we both chuckled. My dog pooped and the lady was still leaning out of her window. Feeling as though I was being watched to ensure I was going to pick it up, I felt irritation boiling under the surface. Once she was done going, I leaned over to pick it up, and to my surprise, there was a crack vial next to it. Utilizing the bag, I picked the crack vial up too and held it up so she could see. Thinking I was waving dog poop at her, she goes, “I don’t need to see it” while smiling, and I said “oh, I’m showing you the crack vial. Did you happen to catch the person that left that?” And her smile dropped and she just looked at me. I said, “Yeah, I’m sure next time you’ll lean out your window to make sure they pick it up”.
Am I the asshole for feeling like she should police crackheads as thoroughly as she polices dog owners?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
X1cYJgiRuJBD0lezR5EfeVscRyVsAOD5
|
ayzb89
|
{
"description": "be being mad he won't consider a vasectomy",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for be being mad he won’t consider a vasectomy
|
Hi! This conversation happened a few months ago but I am ready to bring it up to him again, but want some input first.
Me and my BF are turning 35 this year, we don’t want kids. We’ve been in a relationship for 4 years but close friends for 10 (for the most part).
A few months ago I brought up a vasectomy to him. The reason was bc I was having some mental health-ish type problems that I suspected were at least partly related to my birth control.
He gave me a flat out “not a fucking chance” type answer and wouldn’t even really consider it.
I have been on birth control on and off for 20 years and at this point my honest very basic thought about it is that it is a pill designed to go into my brain, fuck with my hormones and make my body not do what it is supposed to do - and more things I won’t go on a tangent about here.
Because of our age, I know I will have to take it for another MINIMUM 10 years and up to 20 years. 3/4 weeks of my life for 20 years taking a pill that fucks with my brain and body.
I feel that a vasectomy is a short procedure with a day or a few days of mild pain and that’s it. It doesn’t effect your brain. I have mild discomfort ummm... every month.
The kicker for me was that shortly after (like 15min) that conversation, I mentioned a copper IUD. He was legitimately immediately concerned bc he has heard about them perforating etc ppl. But the fucking with my brain and body thing doesn’t raise as many flags! Why?? Because it’s just been “how it is” for so long?
Cost - a vasectomy in Ontario is free. My pills are covered by his work insurance right now but up until 2 years ago and would otherwise be $13-20 per month.
And I bring irrational or selfish? Is there something about this topic that don’t know or don’t understand? At our age is it logical/illogical to think this way?
PLEASE... I am not looking for birth control advice or suggestions, thank you in advance :)
Just to add, he is otherwise amazing, incredibly understanding, kind, intelligent. This type of response was actually kind of out of character for him.. and that’s kind of how I know how serious he was about his “no”!
AITA or WIBTA for getting disappointed/upset/angry/pissed that he did or if he reacts in the same way - completely dismissive and won’t even consider it? WIBTA if I pushed him to at least look into it?
Thank you in advance:))
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RIGHT
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L5bIMEq76fxaaHWRMI0f2YtRmhr5Mgib
|
b62suk
|
{
"description": "using my emotions in a competition nomination",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for using my emotions in a competition nomination?
|
I'm going to omit as much details as I can, for legal reasons.
There is a competition going on for maths, and it is quite a distinguished competition. Each school only have 1 representative to compete for the school in regionals, and then finally nationals.
I am the HOD maths, and I'm in charge of making a tests for the school qualifying rounds. Basically, the top scorer would get into the regionals. I had around 20 students apply, and there were 3 top scorers for the qualifying school round, equal marks on each.
Now the competition is timed, so obviously the qualifying round is timed as well, but in the competition score goes first, time is only used in the event of a tie, so we did the same thing in the qualifying round. One of the students is easy to eliminate, because he took up way too much time compared to the other two. Now for these two, lets just call X and Y for now. Keep in mind they both scored the same mark.
The time difference between X and Y's finish is 5 seconds, however, X did make a silly mistake in one of the questions, whilst Y didn't. Had X been more careful, X would've scored more.
This obviously created problems. There were people arguing for both students, as the results were extremely close. However due to time constraints, there were no time for another rematch. We had to make a decision now. So they turned to me, as I was the one who made the test. I had the final say.
Here is the thing: I absolutely hated X. X is arguably smart, and due to this, X doesn't make effort in class. There are multiple times where I caught X texting or going on social media in class, and I gave her hell for that. X has long learned to behave in class, but it still doesn't make X a good student. Never participates, goes to the toilet for half the lesson, and suspiciously interested in X's computer screen (haven't caught X yet). I don't teach Y, but I heard Y is pretty hard working.
So, because of my personal feelings, I choose Y over X. Officially, I argued that X made a silly mistake, so X is likely going to fail under pressure, but Y kept Y's cool and is better suited for competition.
Since my word is final, Y was nominated for competition. Y did end up scoring 3rd place in the nationals, which is very good. However, right after my decision, some colleagues (who were advocating for X) called me biased for using my personal preferences in a professional judgement. Since this was a extremely close situation, they can't do much about it. But it led me to post here anyways.
Reddit, AITA?
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RKXDL1xwAaL2YjeWqTexRudsjL5YAc3p
|
avx1p2
|
{
"description": "considering my nonbinary friend as \"not woman enough\" to represent my gender onstage",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA For considering my nonbinary friend as "not woman enough" to represent my gender onstage?
|
I'm a stand up comic in a humble scene. My best friend, Sidney, is also a comic. Sid is a fierce LGBTQ+ ally and devotes themselves to spreading awareness and teaching tolerance on the matter of trans rights. While they put themselves out there as nonbinary, closer friends know that Sid identifies as female and isn't ready to fully come out (despite sometimes wearing makeup or a dress onstage).
​
A group of us were getting drinks and talking about upcoming shows. Our mutual friend, Liam, was setting up a multi-city tour with a group of comedians and was rattling off only male names. I bring up how he should maybe include one female comedian. Liam said that if he were to put a female on the roster he would choose Sid. This ticked me off because while I recognize Sid's identity, I do not consider them representative of my gender, especially if they're the only rep in an otherwise male lineup. You only know Sid's identity if you meet with them offstage, onstage you see an androgynous person with a deep, masculine voice. People in the audience will not look at Sid and think "wow that lady's pretty funny", I think that unless Sid is wearing a dress they'll be lumped in with the dudes.
​
I feel that I need to change my view of femininity in order to accept Sid as a solo rep. If it were an all-female show and they were included, I would be thrilled, but to call them the only woman on the show when they don't even bill themselves as a woman just didn't make sense to me. All told, Sid is still on their identity journey and I am in full support, and have grown with what I've learned from them so far.
​
AITA for thinking this way?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
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}
|
WRONG
|
GC9c7e2ySN0yPNzyScWtHUGHWN7em4wR
|
aik35z
|
{
"description": "insulting an indian man for sexually harassing a woman",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA insulting an Indian man for sexually harassing a woman
|
Tell me ur opinions about it down in the comment section.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 4
}
|
INFO
|
{
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"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
u0GftxKdCQZPddL2WDstBBCKknc2pXFI
|
awozy3
|
{
"description": "getting upset at my boyfriend for not being willing to help me unless my brother also helped me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for getting upset at my boyfriend for not being willing to help me unless my brother also helped me?
|
My grandmother is getting to the point where she can no longer live on her own. My family is clearing out a room for her to have in our house. We thought we had more time, but after a turn of events, she will be here tonight. We have to haul ass to get the room cleaned.
Yesterday my boyfriend was very stressed about his homework that he has to get done. But we needed all the help we could get. So I texted him and asked, saying I *knew* he had homework but if *after* his homework he would be willing to come help.
We had already had loose plans for him to come over after his homework anyway. But I did not rush him. I didn’t say he needed to come over immediately.
He told me “I would love to come, but I’m not gonna be in the room working while your brother is playing games or in his room. I have lots of homework.”
My brother does have a tendency to help for a little while and then go to his room, and needs to be called back to work often. I did not defend this behavior. However, my brother was not home at the time and wouldn’t be for a few hours.
My boyfriend kept saying it wasn’t fair for him to come work if my brother wasn’t going to help as well, and he kept saying I was being insensitive to his homework.
AITA for getting pissed at him for making it about himself? I agree that my boyfriend helping and my brother slacking isn’t fair, but this really isn’t about what’s fair. This is about my grandma needing a place to live/sleep and my mom and I needing help.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
mKMCOFgoPdSgo5WDFohWWTB4L2VoGkYJ
|
amv6q7
|
{
"description": "asking co-workers to stop farting in my office-pod",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking co-workers to stop farting in my office-pod?
|
AITA for sending a Slack message to the 3 people around my desk to stop farting so much? Here's the actual message:
​
**"Yesterday, someone mentioned that maybe we should have a candle in our little 4Xmini pod. I thought about how gassy it's been the last few weeks, and felt I had to address the elephant in the room. Yes it has been a bit more gassy, and sometimes unbearable. If there is a condition someone has, and I'm being a jerk now, then fine - sorry for your condition, we'll have to find a way to all be comfortable.**
**On the other hand, if this is something that is relatively easy to control - please - for the love of the seven gods - take a bathroom break.**
**If however, I am the one who is unknowingly blowing up our pod, then sorry. I promise to be better if ya'll do."**
​
There was no response to this message. The farts started happening around three weeks ago. I got a new boss a while ago, and they recently moved to be seated next to me. I suspect the farter is my boss, but I'm not sure. I work at a startup where our desks are connected and there aren't any barriers; so we're like right on top of each other. The farts are truly brutal, and happen rapid-fire about an hour after lunch. AITA, and should I have just moved to work in a different area when the farts go off?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Of0avmbssAVC3kA40BXNJksRe3r0NFth
|
9wt4tt
|
{
"description": "starting playing a song I co-wrote with my old band in my new band",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I started playing a song I co-wrote with my old band in my new band?
|
I was in a band in high school with some of my friends (not like a garage band we regularly and put out an album) and there was this one song that we wrote equally among the three of us that I really liked and want to start playing with my new band in college.
WIBTA if I showed it to my new band? On one hand it was never released on an album, we just played it live. But on the other hand I only wrote 1/3 and the other guys did the rest so it’s not really my song. I’m kinda nervous to just ask the other guys because I’m afraid it might be an asshole move just to bring it up
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Qn8QQKJR88Elv3xfqQru1OTGYRocyNiD
|
agk8qu
|
{
"description": "being pissed off at a rehab center for unethical behavior",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being pissed off at a rehab center for unethical behavior?
|
My (50m) wife (35f) is an alcoholic and is currently in a 30 day treatment facility. We have 2 children under 9 and have been married 10 years. Last Saturday was our first family group and visitation. After it was over I stopped in the lobby and began inquiring about aftercare programs for when she’s discharged.
Suddenly a man I’ve never met comes into the lobby from a different room, approaches me and asked me to follow him. We go into an office and this man starts interrogating me. Asking me why I was angry. At that moment I wasn’t, I was asking about aftercare for my wife. Then it switched to a bizarre line of questions and accusations.
This man tells me my wife is only with me because she has “daddy issues”, that my woman picker is broken, that I only date alcoholics and if you put me in a room with 100 women and 3 were alcoholics I would leave with one of them. He tried digging to see if I’ve cheated on my wife, I haven’t. Absolutely crazy. Who the hell is this guy? How the hell does he know who I am or anything about me?
Upon leaving I was so disoriented I felt as if I had just undergone an interrogation.
I called and spoke with him the next work day and asked him what the hell that was all about? He said someone told him I was agitated, when asked he refused to tell me who it was. Said he was trying to help. He then claimed I took the statement about my wife having daddy issues out of context. In what context would that be appropriate? He ended the call.
I cannot reach the clinical director, or even leave him a message because his voicemail is full. I have his cell number, but he ignores my calls and texts.
Upon speaking with her counselor she said she was aware I spoke with him, but he had only entered “counseling session” in my wife’s file. No details. When I informed her of what happened she was shocked and agreed I should be pissed.
I decided to tell my wife about it. She has never spoken with this man before and he is not her counselor. She’s only a week out of detox and is still pretty f’d up mentally. I am extremely uncomfortable with her being there but do not want to disrupt her treatment, but how good could the treatment be if the staff are gossiping about patients and harassing family members? What could be the motivation behind his behavior? Is he trying to sabotage my marriage? WTF
I didn’t want her here but it’s my wife’s treatment not mine. Not sure what to do as it’s obvious there is something very wrong with this place.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ZElHjGAUlkAsFIrZaXZnXxhDH5sVIC8f
|
an6yr1
|
{
"description": "not telling my friend that a mutual friend showed me her nudes",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
AITA for not telling my friend that a mutual friend showed me her nudes?
|
A bit of background, I only met my friend (who I will call Shannon) last year when she moved to California but in this time we have become fairly close. She gets a lot of attention from guys and she never focuses on school or anything that matters which I openly criticize her for, but she insists that she is happy with how she is living her life. Some time around November of last year, my friend (who I will call Devin) facetimes me. Devin tells me that he knows Shannon and he shows me her nudes. I was shocked, because I honestly couldn’t believe she would stoop as low as to send stuff like this to our friend. Devin tells me that they slept together and he calls her a barbie doll to which I agreed with and we laughed about it. I never even introduced them and they live far from each other so I had no idea how they knew each other. I felt betrayed but this brought Devin and I closer. I knew that he bragged to other people and showed the nudes to them as well.
I avoided Shannon after this incident, and a week later she approaches me. She was crying, and telling me that someone was threatening to send her nudes to other people and she didn’t know who it was. I was still angry at her, and so I told her it’s her fault for sending it to someone in the first place and that I knew who it was, that he was a mutual friend, but I won’t say who showed me because he is my friend. She begged for me to tell her who it was so she could handle the situation but I refused. She was honestly making me feel like I was bullying her, but she overstepped boundaries and broke our trust.
Later that day, I found out she went to her counselor about it and they immediately got law enforcement involved because we are minors. She mentioned that I knew who was sending the threats, thus getting me involved.
She eventually got the situation sorted out, but she refuses to be friends with me for not saying anything. I apologized to her for calling her a barbie doll and I only acted the way I did because I thought she was being irresponsible and because I didn’t want Devin to get in trouble. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 19,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
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}
|
WRONG
|
4uv7LDSdEN4QeJBYM6otN8HwaUYf03Qc
|
a4eg7w
|
{
"description": "making my Ceramics teacher Cry",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Making My Ceramics Teacher Cry?
|
This is a long one...sorry. TLDR at he bottom.
I have a learning disability that goes hand in hand with an anxiety disorder. I've had both these issues since first grade and have always had accommodations like small groups for taking tests and extra time. Through having this kind of support and joining an art program I've gone from having a GPA of 2.5 to 3.8 in a matter of less than two years. I'm above average in subjects such as English, reading, writing...But when it comes to math I struggle greatly so that's where my accommodations mainly focus. I often would spend double the time it took my peers to finish the same test but I was allowed to do so, and if I didn't finish I'd either spend my lunch time or study halls coming back to finish. My teacher would provide the pass and I'd come up at the designated time.
Unfortunately my math class, which was on the third floor, was on the complete opposite end of the school where my next class, ceramics, was. The ceramics class was on the '0' or ground floor and my high school was HUGE and had a lot of students, something like 5,000 or so so the traffic between classes was super bad and we had 5 minutes to get between each class after the previous one ended.
I'd often be 1 problem away from finishing or just had to ask my accommodations math teacher a question when the bell would signal it was time to move classes. Both my math teacher and my accommodations math teacher agreed it would be best if I just stayed back and finished the remainder of the test if I was nearly done anyways and it would usually take about the 5 minute shift or less between classes to finish it up and be on my way with a pass in hand because I'd be about 1-3 minutes late at most for my ceramics class.
Although this was a daily occurrence, my teacher had been notified at the beginning of the year about my disability and I'd made it a specific point to speak to her the first day of class about how far away these two classes were, as it took about at least 4 minutes on a good day without staying back for math to get there with the traffic and I'd often arrive either on the bell or a few seconds after. But regardless of this and the fact that I'd had a note written by my teacher for every instance I was late, she'd publicly shame me in front of the entire class. Anytime I'd walk in even just a minute late after the first scolding she'd stop explaining to the class and start asking me why I'm always late and interrupting her class. It was particularly bad one day where she'd really gone at me and I made it a point to keep away from her the entire class. That was the first time I'd really spoken too much about it to my mother and a friend. I'd begged my mom not to say anything because she's a momma bear type and would 100% call the school. For me, although embarrassing and nerve racking, she was such a kind older lady a lot of the time, Id just assumed maybe she thought I was purposefully making trouble for her even though I'd explained prior. (My friend ended up talking to her about it despite my wishes because after the worst instance I was really shaken up . She'd basically said "hey my friends got this, this and that which is why they're late and they feel really bad about it" and the teacher said that she'd just been having a bad day and had a migraine and took out out on me, although she wouldn't go on to tell me that in person or apologize for it.)
Skip ahead where this is a daily occurrence of her outing me and the like but I've kind of just become accustomed to it , although I do mention it at home. I make it a point to come in outside of class time to get ahead on my work in my free time. I guess it was to show her that I was serious about the class...because I really did actually enjoy it.
One of those times she receives a phone class in the middle of teaching whilst i'm sitting in the back working. After a few minutes she hangs up and starts crying in front of everyone, this goes on for a few minutes before she walks over to me while everyone is looking and says "does your original teacher know you're here, are you sure??" asking all of these questions while crying, despite the fact that I'd tell her a day in advance if I was coming and would bring a pass from my study hall teacher. It turns out my mom had called, being fed up with her outing me in front of my peers despite my asking her not to. I'd felt really bad about the whole situation and still think about it sometimes...
**TLDR: I was late at least 2 times a week to my ceramics class because of my disability accommodations and my teacher outed me in front of my peers multiple times, even meaner when she herself was having a bad day until my mom called the school and she cried in front of her entire class.**
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
6wBw4jINLruMDGUWdG7CTA2l9IfujXYA
|
au98b2
|
{
"description": "not wanting to date this girl",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to date this girl?
|
Obviously a throw away account.
​
So here's some background:
I was going to a class with this girl (let's call her Gina) and we were in a group making a project. I always hung out with her after the class coz we were always going to the same metro station. Whilst we were chilling at the apartment of one of another girl from the group, one thing lead to another and Gina said that she is depressed and that in the past she was anorectic. Now that's some bomb to tell people that are not really that close with you but whatever (afterall she knew me and the other girl already). At that point I also knew that she is allergic to gluten and dairy products.
Right now I don't have any other classes with her but I still see her at the university.
​
Now here's the thing - I know that she is attracted to me but at the same time I'm interested in another girl (not the one from the project). Me and Gina share common interests, she's optimistic like me and she's cute. It's the emotional baggage and her allergies that make me question whether to give it a try because I don't want to try to be with her only to break up coz I'm interested in another girl and because I wouldn't have to deal with her allergies. At the same time I am not sure whether the other girl even feels something for me.
​
English is my second language so sorry if I wrote smth wrong but I think you get the idea.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ZZ5ZV5HwfHj8CuR6YX99qJbVpKVWTpMa
|
aw828x
|
{
"description": "giving my red-green color blind blind friend an all greed rubix cube",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for giving my red-green color blind blind friend an all greed rubix cube?
|
So I got my colorblind friend a custom made rubix cube of varying shades of green for his birthday to fuck with him and he didnt seem very pleased. Nothing friendship breaking but I mean c'mon.....it was a funny joke!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
O37j34ygbuRgt8HAfqtsSvQZYwEn2Wrw
|
b9zv4d
|
{
"description": "avoiding a visit to my girlfriend's parents' house",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for avoiding a visit to my girlfriend’s parents’ house?
|
Last weekend my (M26) girlfriend (F25) wanted me to visit her parent’s house with her. She had additional family members that would be present so she really wanted me to be there. I didn’t sleep much Friday so Saturday morning I had a headache. She’s slightly upset, but says its fine and she’ll go herself. When she left, I took two Aleve and laid down for 30 minutes. Earlier my two friends told me they’d be heading out to the desert to play but I told them I’d be at my girlfriend’s parents’ house and I couldn’t go. After feeling better (Aleve works quickly!), I ask in the group chat and ask if they’ve left yet. They haven’t, so I get ready and everyone shows up including their girlfriends. The four of them are on my lawn shooting the shit and I’m loading up my ATV. My girlfriend’s best friend drives by (she just lives down the street) and waves at me. I didn’t even think about it, but 30 minutes later I get a text asking me what I’m doing right now. I reply “I’m not really sure”. Her friend definitely said something. She calls me and asks the same question. I tell her I’m feeling better and just made other plans for the day. I can tell she’s upset, so I tell her I’ll come over. I unload my shit and embarrassingly tell my friends that I can’t go. I drive to my girlfriend’s parents’ house and literally the minute I step foot on the ground, she storms out of the house and orders me to get back in the truck. She gets in and I pretty much get questioned as to why I was going out with my friends. She questions whether or not I was even sick. I inform her I was, but just took some Aleve. I don’t have a whole lot to say but I told her I don’t care for visiting her parents since they’re far right and often spew what is sometimes racist, bigoted and hateful shit. I’m Conservative (right), but not to the degree they are. Every time we visit my parents, they never bring up anything remotely political or controversial, so why the fuck should I have to listen to her parent’s spew their bullshit that I don’t care about? I only visit them because it makes her happy. She doesn’t say anything, and we go in. From the way her parents greeted and spoke to me, they knew I had avoided plans of coming. Maybe I should’ve been more transparent with her from the beginning, but she knew I’d also been waiting for a weekend that was clear weather since I just purchased my Raptor (been saving and desiring this for the last like SIX years – HUGE DEAL to me though not as important as our relationship) and I wanted to spend a day with friends messing around in the desert. We’ve always been extremely transparent in our relationship so I’m feeling shitty since I know she almost feels slight distrust in me now. She hasn’t been talkative as she normally is, and we haven’t had sex recently. :(
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
dLwcYQCwKpbmj4EKBvbzX6qodMjBPB34
|
9ws242
| null |
AITA for not lettin my sister do anything she wants with my mom?
|
A little backstory, my mom is not young or old, but she is kind of struggling with money lately, I live with her but I pay almost all of the bills in the house and also split the money for food (even when I don´t eat in the house that much), my sister lived for 4 years without paying rent in the house and now uses the house as a storage for all her garbage, not to mention that she even said that she would pay for a lot in utilities but she didn't.
​
The problem right now is that even when she is out of the house, she still go every single day and cook there, take the food that we bought to feed her family of 4, and yesterday we got an issue with an unpaid bill (the one she claims she always paid in full) that is worth like 2 years of not paying even when she claimed she did pay everything by claiming that she gave the money to my mom, but I know she didn't.
​
So I just confronted her about her overstaying welcome in the house, taking all the food , or that she is using the house as her personal warehouse and not giving her a single dime in return, but the worse thing is that she is scamming her of money and on top of that she could earn some cash because she has a site she could rent but she took it to do her own business and now she told me that I am the one that should get out of the house and "go live your life" because I just stopped her to keep her scamming my mom from her money.
​
AITA for not letting her took advantage of my mom?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
9XHFd0e4635s26QKSpKBuUPMuUPOqSKq
|
b9mw8o
|
{
"description": "not being ok with my wife's family excluding me",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not being OK with my wife's family excluding me?
|
My wife and I recently moved to be closer to her family. Her father lives here with her two brothers (though mother lives elsewhere). It has been great to spend time with her family.
Recently, her father and younger brother invited her out to lunch without me. At first, she thought it was just an oversight. She told them I was available. They seemed to turn down the suggestion, saying something like "it was just an immediate-family event." I wasn't interested in going out anyway, so she left, but I started thinking that this was really strange. I mean, I had never been considered differently until then. Later that evening I discussed it with my wife and she agreed it was strange. We decided she would no longer go to events where I am excluded.
This past weekend, I explained the reasoning to her younger brother who seemed bothered by the experience. I said it was screwed up to make a distinction between blood relatives and other relatives. I explained repeatedly that "one-on-one talks between you and your sister are fine, just not events limited to blood relatives." He kept saying that I was just stating "an opinion." I told him I was not, and my wife had agreed she would not longer attend these events.
Tonight, I find out that her younger brother is furious with me over this. Supposedly, this is controlling behavior, and I'm to blame for taking her away from normal family events.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
x546okjYY06BTNZOs7mOVv8Gb4XznvjU
|
a3zx3e
|
{
"description": "not giving back my friends hard drive after he said mine broke 3 months ago",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving back my friends hard drive after he said mine broke 3 months ago
|
Around 2.5-3 months ago I traded a 3.5inch 2tb hard drive for my friends 2.5 inch 2tb drive so I could put it in my laptop. He never said anything about any problems with the drive I gave him so I assumed all was well. I had tested it that morning and packed it well. Yesterday my friend texts me asking for his 2tb drive back because mine isnt working. I told him it has been 3 months so it wasnt my problem, then he told me it never worked when he got it. I told him he should've told me when he got it so I could swap back, because it could've just been he had it hooked up wrong or it wasnt partitioned properly. My friend comes from a messy/rough household. Not like poor or anything but the house is a little messy and him and his siblings dont really take care of their things. Due to this and it being 3 months before he told me about it I told him i wasnt going to give his back. He wasnt happy about it but he really should've told me when he got it and I gladly would've swapped back.
So am I the asshole even though it's been 2.5-3 months before he told me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
vdUAwKq7euHmb9ivUBKuRksNjE9PUtAE
|
b1zdjw
|
{
"description": "asking my gf to wear a bra",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
WIBTA for asking my gf to wear a bra?
|
Sometimes when we are on a vacation in spain or somrthing she likes to put on a tank top (I think its called english is not my first language) where you can see her nipple and most of her breasts. So WIBTA for asking her to wear a bra. I know it's her body and she does whatever she wants to do with it and I will accept whatever she decides. It just bugs me and I have seen guys checking her out even when we were holding hands.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
WRONG
|
ocIwOSPqy0FtKguF7pqL0y5RDF0DQ4UG
|
b63rb7
|
{
"description": "telling my roommate to get over my dishwashing",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Telling My Roommate to Get Over My Dishwashing?
|
So, let me preface this by saying I have a great roommate. We rarely have spats, able to keep up her end of the rent, etc and we've been roommates for two years. However, recently I had to tell her to get over an issue which was pissing her off.
I regularly do the dishes. She does...not. She rarely does them. She hates doing the dishes. We have to handwash them since our apartment doesn't have a dishwasher.
She will say repeatedly that she'll do them (I don't nag her--but internally, something's yelling at her to do them) but then, usually, I end up doing them after a long day usually due to her typical x, y, and z excuses.
Yesterday, she gave my least favorite excuse: "I had to walk away from them because of my pet peeve. Grease."
If I notice that even after she's promised repeatedly to do them and doesn't (especially when we have a surplus of them--she does a LOT of cooking), I'll do them at the end of a long day--I usually get home after a 9.5 hour shift, take an hour, go livestream some video games, then rest. Apparently, I can't feel a lot of grease around suds, which seems to be my failing. Even so, I swear to God, I tried.
The other morning, she told me she couldn't do them the night before because she was annoyed by the grease. Annoyed, I told her, point blank, she needs to get over it.
As I see it, if you don't do dishes after repeatedly saying you would, then I do them, you have no right to complain anyway. You need to suck it up or prepare to do spot cleaning from time to time if you're not going to do them, especially if I do them as a kindness after a 13 hour day--AFTER you already promised to do them.
AITA for telling her to get over it?
|
HISTORICAL
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aa7kjw
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{
"description": "leading my friend into a one sided relationship",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for leading my friend into a one sided relationship?
|
This happened a few years ago, but I’m still torn about it.
I had this friend, who I’ll call Peter. Peter was transgender (FTM), and his family was transphobic, so he couldn’t come out to them.
This, along with other factors such as severe social anxiety and dysphoria, lead to him becoming more depressed. He would often talk to me about his problems, which was fine, I would try to help as best as I could. Previously, when I had tried to tell his parents, he would get very upset with me, and his parents wouldn’t do much to help the situation, which is why I hadn’t tried that in a while. His depression continued to become more severe as time went on, with him telling me about how he had almost taken his life a year prior and how he was self harming. He also had a girlfriend at the time, who I’ll call Gwen.
One day, we were FaceTiming and he just said “Oh I have a crush on somebody!” I was confused, because I knew he had a girlfriend. I asked about that, and he just said, “I’m polyamorous.” Eventually, with me asking enough questions, I got him to tell me who he liked. It turned out, he liked me. I didn’t feel the same way for him, but I was nervous that if I said no, he would handle the rejection poorly, and hurt himself or do something worse. So, I said, “oh yeah I like you too!”
For roughly 2 months, I pretended to feel the same way for him. I would always say stuff like, “yknow it takes humans about 6 months to fall in love, maybe wait and see if what you’re feeling is right?” I was trying to delay more stuff from happening.
The thing that made me tell him i wasn’t actually interested was that he was planning on breaking up with Gwen because of our ‘relationship.’ I didn’t want to ruin something because of a lie. I ended up telling him the truth.
AITA for even starting the relationship in the first place?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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b8zjlr
| null |
AITA? My (26f) bf (25m) is pissed at me for being angry that he didnt eat dinner last night, left the food out and now all the leftovers are garbage.
|
Background: I'm a chef professionally, which means I do the bare minimum at home as far as meals go. Sue me. My boyfriend works a regular factory job with 10hr days and is useless in the kitchen, which means all decent meals are still made by me. I have 2 kids under 6 that I cook healthy kid friendly stuff for, but I admit they get a lot of chicken nuggets and grilled cheese simply because their pallets arent developed and I hate seeing good "adult" food go to waste. I digress. My boyfriend consistently complains that I never cook for him, and it really gets under my skin since I spend 6-10 hours a day bulk prepping food, working service and cleaning up afterwards along with orders and team management etc. Cooking at home has become such a chore, anyone in the industry will get me. I always make sure everyone is fed whether we order in, I cook or we go out. Shit really digs at me! But, I've been trying to make more of an effort to make good meals on my off days for the family.
Fast forward to now. Last night I made roasted chicken thighs with an herb salt crust topping, smashed garlic red potatoes, roasted cauliflower with italian seasoning and "bacon gravy" (simple garlic parmesan heavy cream sauce with crispy bacon bits). It was delicious if I say so myself. Not my best, but I'm my worst critic. I had dinner ready 20minutes after bf got home from work, and he is usually hungry, so I made us plates and sat down to eat in front of the TV.
He told me he got lunch today, which is odd, so he wasnt super hungry but he would eat later. No problem, I put his plate in the microwave and ate my dinner. I had plans to go out with a friend, and so I did and came home a few hours later to find he hadnt eaten dinner, but had 2 of the chocolate bars I grabbed on my way home when I stopped for pepsi since we were out. I was inwardly annoyed, but kept it to myself and asked if he would please put away the food before he came to bed when I went to bed myself later that night.
Guess what I found all sitting out on the stove and counters, and in the microwave this morning? all the food I lovingly prepared for my bf, which I now have to throw in the trash and cant save any of it.
I sent him a pretty angry text this morning about how unappreciated I feel and how wasteful it was, and he absolutely lost his mind on me on the phone for "my attitude towards him", among other things, when he had his first break this morning. I know I probably shouldve waited to talk to him about it later tonight, but my blood fucking boiled when I saw all that work I'd done literally go to waste.
so. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
9zlney
|
{
"description": "not accepting my 3 hour late delivery",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not accepting my 3 hour late delivery?
|
Tonight (Thanksgiving) I order food off Grubhub from a local pizzeria (10 minute drive). Grubhub said that it would take 45-50 minutes to deliver.
After 1.5 hours, my food hadn't arrived and I called the pizzeria to ask if my food had left. Just wanted to make sure I hadn't missed the driver or something, as my doorbell is broken and maybe he doesn't have a cell phone to call me. The guy who answered told me that the driver was on his way.
A half hour later (2 hours after ordering), I called back and a woman answered. She said that they were very busy and that the driver had left with 3 orders (no apology).
I waited another half hour (2.5 hours after ordering) and called back. By now the pizzeria is closing in 20 minutes. I call 16 times and no answer. At one point, they pick up the phone and hang up (probably because the phone was ringing continuously and doesn't go to an answering machine). Finally, they must have taken the phone off the hook, because I got busy signal until 11 p.m., when they closed.
I think that they owed me an explanation about my food. If you know that there is a late order still undelivered, you shouldn't be closing up and you should be trying your best to reassure me that my food was coming (by having the driver call me or something).
Finally, I was fed up and lost hope of my food coming. I cancelled my order through Grubhub and ordered somewhere else.
At around 3 hours after I placed the order, and after I had already cancelled the order and ordered somewhere else, the driver calls me to tell me he is outside. I told him I didn't want it because it was late and is probably cold (not to mention I had ordered elsewhere and had cancelled that order).
I'm pretty mad at this pizza place and won't be going there again. I understand that they may have been busy with the holiday, but 3 hours is ridiculous (especially since they said the driver had left after 1.5 hours). Are they the assholes or am I?
TL;DR Food came 3 hours late, pizzeria ignored my calls, I cancelled/refused the order
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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b4pwxl
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{
"description": "letting my dog run around in my front yard",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for letting my dog run around in my front yard?
|
My dog, a 5 lb Maltese (Baillei) is curious but mostly obedient. So sometimes I like to let her out into the front yard and watch me and my mom do.. whatever we are doing in the front yard. After an incident a couple years back (long story) , she usually stays on or around my driveway, so I don’t feel it necessary to leash her when she’s only going to be outside for a little while. A few months ago, however, someone was walking their dog (border collie, at least 10x my dog’s size) on my street while Baillei was outside with us. Baillei, being a dog, ran down the street to the guy walking his dog, barking the whole way. I take notice, and immediately run after her, being more scared of the big dog hurting Baillei, than the other way around, because even though Baillei hates other dogs, she really hasn’t ever tried to hurt them. When I get there, the guy begins shouting multiple profanities at me (I am 14) saying stuff like, “CONTROL YOUR FUCKIN’ DOG, DUMBASS”and, “ FUCKING BITCH” as if she had hurt his dog (who did not seem stressed or hurt) I pick up Baillei, say I’m sorry, and run back to my house. My mom says something like “Don’t say that stuff to my kid!” , and I run inside with my dog. After setting her down I begin to cry, because I was 14 and self conscious and sad, etc. All in all, this whole situation made me feel terrible.
I know that I should have had my dog on a leash or something. I’m just wondering if any of y’all also think he over reacted or something...
(Sorry for format, I’m on mobile)
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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|
WRONG
|
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|
9u2p4m
|
{
"description": "stepping away from a heated argument",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for stepping away from a heated argument
|
I take a step back when my GF and I get into a heated argument, especially if it's my fault. If not, we will spend hours arguing, sometimes end up words that hurt. Most times, I even stop talking just to let her win. Usually, I would rather take a walk or work, at least I'm being productive. The latter is critical because I am a freelancer, which means time is literally money for me. But then she says I don't care about her at all; that she's not of any importance.
My point is simple: I want to step away until at least one of us is cooled down. And I'd rather be productive than spend hours upon hours arguing.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
avh3gz
|
{
"description": "not wanting to do my daughters hair every day",
"pronormative_score": 57,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to do my daughters hair every day
|
My daughter is 2. She has thick ringlets like I do. My hair routine takes a minimum of an hour a day to get my hair looking presentable, and it takes a lot of work.
My partner repeatedly requests that I do the same hair care routine for our daughter so that she knows how to care for her hair when she’s older. I do some of it, like washing with the right products, brushing, and putting in leave in products, but she’s also 2. It doesn’t make sense to me to put hours of effort into her hair when she’s just going to run around and ruin it. On top of that, her baby mop top is cute and I don’t want her to feel like she needs to dedicate so much time to her hair to feel beautiful.
My partner however is insistent that I do her hair and complains constantly when I don’t, even when I explain all of the time and effort and money that goes into it. My partner emphasizes that they want our daughter to look “presentable”, but I disagree. AITA for refusing?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
a909la
|
{
"description": "not getting my sister a Christmas gift",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not getting my sister a Christmas gift?
|
My sister has a 4 year old and is a single mother. I get that it’s difficult for her financially, but the only gift she has given me or my parents since her kid was born for any Christmas, birthday, anything was a small keychain. No cards, no acknowledgement. Every holiday she says she forgot my gift at home, but never ends up giving me anything. I understand financial struggles and would understand her not getting me something big, but every year she gets her child 30+ gifts for Christmas and a lot of them are expensive. My sister is a lawyer with her own law practice, gets child support from her ex husband, and has a side job and lives in a tiny apartment so her rent is pretty low. She shops at the most expensive grocery stores and chooses the most high end expensive daycare she can find. I love her kid to death; she’s a real sweetheart. Lawyers make good money around here so I’m not sure why she can’t afford gifts for not only me but our parents or anyone in our family. I don’t need something expensive but EVEN A CARD would be nice. An acknowledgement. I have decided that since the past 4 years she has not acknowledged me for holidays, I’m not getting her a gift even though I am financially able. I have talked to her about this and she has acknowledged it’s shitty, but nothing has changed. I usually get everyone nice gifts, and I am planning on getting my parents a nice gift but leaving my sister out. I’m not gonna pitch a fit or anything but when she says “I left your gift at home” I’m planning on responding “me too”. Is this petty and childish and AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
an8vm8
|
{
"description": "saying you can't 'accidentally' sleep with someone",
"pronormative_score": 120,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for saying you can't 'accidentally' sleep with someone?
|
In short, my SO and I had a conversation about cheating (not directed at either of us, just in general cheating).
I said that you can definitely go out with the full intention to sleep with someone - or, your situation changes once out and about - but under no circumstances is sleeping with someone an 'accident' or 'situational', it's with full rational thought, with no respect, and is disgusting.
My SO took great offense and started rioting, and claims that, in fact, when in a 'certain situation, you can accidentally sleep with someone'. They then compared it to accidental murder.
They claimed you could easy seduce a person, get somewhere, strip, do the deed, and would still class as 'accidental' or 'a result of the situation', because they 'didnt mean to do it'. Said I was naive and an idiot if I thought otherwise.
I rioted back, admittedly, much harder than necessary, and they accused me of cheating (as I was being defensive). AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
JZ0M9arFWpxQwLHhzzMgUQhGXrr54BYn
|
axa8wr
|
{
"description": "calling hr to remove an employee from my dept",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for calling HR to remove an employee from my dept??
|
I made this a throwaway for controversial. TL;DR at bottom.
Back in October 2018 an employee named ‘L’ became pregnant, she was about 2 months at this time. About 3 weeks later she said she couldn’t lift more than 10 lbs. After about a month of this the store director actually required her to get an HR form filled out and brought back, this was around the end of November. Once she brought this paper in all of the problems began. She started weighing things, fryer baskets, the wedge bags and basically anything she is able to lift even with this note, she did her best to not do it. She wouldn’t use arm strength to lift a basket up, would turn oven timers off and fryer timers off essentially burning food and causing shrink.
For almost a month(December) I was scheduled the days my manger had off, but with her. I did 98% of the work day by myself. Filled sales floor, salad case, hot food items(whole birds, fried chicken, and an 8 pan wing bar). She help customers and packaged cold protein, but I still had to do more than half of that also. I basically ran the dept twice a week, all myself. I finally had enough and started looking at other stores to transfer to since my Store Manager didn’t seem to care, then he decided to tell our manager she could only work 11-5 shifts. Everyone started to have their share of annoyances with her. L would leave the dept to talk to the floral supervisor(who subsequently is the babies grandmother) and started taking 12-20 minutes to even get behind the counter in our dept. She’s been taking phone calls on the clock, eating food in the dept and basically breaking all the rules that we all abide by. There probably more that I don’t remember and I’m typing this fast on my break, but basically myself and the dept head included have had enough. We called HR Saturday morning and made an investigation to have her removed.
I didn’t mention about her being on her phone or eating or any of that petty bullshit. I just simply stated company policy and the liability that she can cause. In the application it states you are required to lift more than 45-50 lbs several times an hour, be able to perform all tasks without any limitation, which includes lifting, cooking, etc. I also didn’t give out any personal information but made it clear the whole dept doesn’t run at optimal speed when she’s back here. I stated that when I have to drop the tasks I’m doing consecutively it just bogs my work flow down enormously. After calling and noticing my manager clearly upset, I’m starting to feel kind of bad. She won’t be fired because that’s discrimination, but she does know how to cashier since she did that for months before the removed her from that for “being to much drama.”
TL;DR Pregnant employee got a doctors note for a lift limit of 10lbs so she didn’t have to work and has milked it for far too long. Requirement for the dept I work in is 45-50 minimum and being able to perform all work tasks laid out in the dept without issue.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
JUhbfUHWJ15ibU2Icq4hKuyWsLdpiQW9
|
9vlvbq
|
{
"description": "not letting this random girl who was knocking on my dorm room door",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting this random girl who was knocking on my dorm room door?
|
Ok story time, one of my roommates and I were just chilling doing some stuff for school kinda late at night and our 3rd roommate was out for the night. I’m working on something on my computer when I here someone swipe their ID on our door and try to open the door. I look through the peep hole and see it’s a girl who doesn’t really look like a student but I couldn’t really tell with the fish eye effect of the peep hole.
A little background information: the local barstool sports at my school was warning people about girls on campus asking other girls walking alone if they believed in, “the mother god,” and if they said yes the girl would ask them to come to a bible study but it’s actually a human trafficking trick. So I’m pretty paranoid already even tho I’m a guy. Plus I was very baked.
Anyways, i stay quiet and just watch what she’s doing outside our room. She keeps swiping the card and trying to get into our room while talking on the phone and she’s saying, “there someone in our room, it’s 535 right?” (My room number is B35) and then outloud I say, “you have the wrong room, this is B35” and she ignores it keeps swiping. So I repeat myself cause I thought maybe she didn’t hear me, and then she says ,” Jake, Micheal why are you in my room.” No one named Jake or Micheal live in my room. So at this point it’s pretty bizarre, instead of saying more stuff to here I decide to just watch through the peep hole. She keeps swiping for like 20 minutes and talking on the phone trying to justify her trying to get in so people who walk by don’t think she is suspicious, and then our foreign exchange friend Patrick walks by with his friend and asks if she needs help(he is from China and speaks little English) he grabs the card from her and tries swiping in and it doesn’t work and he asks her if she knows me and she doesn’t respond and keeps trying to swipe in. At this point I’m getting more suspicious so I say, “ we don’t know her Patrick” twice to make sure he heard me and then he looks up at the door with a surprised face and then him and his friend leave. I got to talk to my roommate Ryan and then go back to the door and she’s gone. We start talking about what just happened and agreed that it was very suspicious. After 15 minutes of chatting I go back to the door, and see her leave from our door take a left and go out the back entrance to leave the entire dorm. SHE WAS LISTENING TO OUR CONVERSATION.
Ok so our first thought was that she was drunk or fucked up on some drugs and actually thought it was her room, but she walked normally and left the dorm altogether and instead of talking the elevator to the fifth floor where he alleged room was. I’ve seen drunk people in my college life and she didn’t seem like it.
Am I the asshole for not trying to help her out? Or did I do take the right precautions regarding the circumstances?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
agqisd
|
{
"description": "not wanting my girlfriend to share our sex life with her friends",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to share our sex life with her friends?
|
My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 2 months now, and we are really happy together. She hasn't been in a "serious" relationship before, by which I mean her previous relationships have been mostly under wraps from her family, and haven't involved much beyond sex. She leads a decently busy life (college student), so up until this point she's considered the idea of something serious to not really be within the realm of reality. I wasn't interested in fully casual, but was fond of the idea of not needing to see each other 24/7 (I also have personal interests and things that keep me busy beyond work), and we've managed to make it work for both of us and are comfortable. I've had 2 serious relationships before (one that was 3 years, another about 1 year), and I feel I've done a decent job showing her what life is like in a relationship where you care for one another beyond lust, and she's been really appreciative and also done the same for me.
Now, to get to the meat and potatoes, with her prior relationships being mostly devoid of this sort of mutual care, she's openly told me that in the past, sex hasn't really carried deeper feelings beyond physical attraction, and so it has meant something different for her before us.
I explain the above as I feel it, and her young age/inexperience in relationships, to be the reason for this behavior of hers that I'm not a big fan of. She's laughed about how her friends have reacted to some stuff her and I have done together (for example, I have one of those under-the-mattress systems that strap your partner's \[or your\] wrists and ankles to the bed, which she's told them about), and while I laugh with her about it, I feel a bit invaded. Admittedly, when I was early in my first serious relationship, there were one or two friends who I'd tell about certain stuff I did with my SO, feeling like I had to tell *someone* about it because it was just that good. I was 17 at the time, and as time went on (likely after 4 or so months), I realized that the experience itself, and the person I'm sharing it with, are more than enough to keep me happy/satisfied, and that bragging about it doesn't tend to get you anywhere.
One of the things that bothers me about it is that I haven't met a couple of the friends she's talked to this stuff about, making me feel like they could be internally trivializing me as her *sex thing*, and not the guy who cares more about being there for her when her pet gets sick, or watching a movie while eating spaghetti.
Another instance; she was taking a Snapchat of me while I opened my Christmas gift from her, which confused me a bit, but I proceeded to unwrap the present, and saw she'd got me (us) one of those vibrating cock rings. She was laughing the whole time and honestly I just felt really uncomfortable. I asked why she filmed it and she said she wanted to send it to the 3 people who *helped pick it out with her* (one being male, but a friend of mine so i'm not concerned on that front), as well as an **ex FWB** of hers who she claims to be decent friends with now, though they don't hang out, just snap each other, basically. I should clarify, I do trust her, even though I have zero care/respect for this guy for a few reasons, so I'm not really worried about that part, but why did he have to be on the send list of this snap? I told her not to send it to him in particular, but that I guess it's fine to send to the rest.
We have a very healthy sex life, and I'm very grateful for that, but my guess is based on her past experiences, she feels obligated to share personal details about us in the bedroom that I feel only really belong in said bedroom.
Anyway, do you guys think this is unreasonable? AITA? And if not, how should I go about talking to her about this without seeming controlling? Thanks in advance, didn't know where else to go about this.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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uTDCisZ9Ktw9lfO6LNRLJXOc5gYMnRYz
|
aubap6
| null |
AITA My sister put down a healthy old friend.
|
This is my first post. So lets just jump right into it. My sister wanted our family dog, so a few years ago ( around five) she talked to our parents and adopted him into there home. Hes always been a great little dog and a awesome friend to all of us. He is a little on the older side around 14 and he didnt do much over the last year. just lay around, played here and there but he wasn't as active as he used to be. Then last year a trend started, she kept mentioning putting him down because he had blood coming out of his nose in little droplets ( somthing he even dis as a young dog) when he sneezed, or she would say it's to much having him and there new puppy. I told her it may just be allergies so we had him looked out and the vet confirmed he was fine and that he just needs some alergie medicine ( his sinuses were very dry) I dont quite remeber the details other then him giving a clean bill of health. After that he was back to playing and taking long naps, you know a normal old dog routine. Cut to same season this year and we were at the same place. She ask if my parents would take him back( they are old and cant take in any more dogs as they have enough to deal with) we ourselves have 2 dogs who would not get along with him if we brought him home. She said if no one can take him she was going to put him down. I mentioned donating him to someone who could use a old support dog pretty much trying to find anything other then resulting in killing him when he still had a good quality of life. I started to look into it but the hard deadline of yesterday was set and hes gone and buried in a shallow hole in the backyard of there home. I'm hurt and kind of mad that someone could kill somthing just because they didnt want them any longer. I understand animals are just animals, but this seems wrong. Maybe it's a normal practice and I'm the odd one who is just dosent know when to let go. Either way I'm sorry to a old friend who I didnt take in sooner and gave him a place to spend the rest of his days. I should have taken the threat more seriously. Right now I dont want to even speak to them any more. I have so much other stuff they have done that I find selfish but this one cuts kind of deep.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b4lvy3
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{
"description": "not wanting to pay for my children's spring class pictures",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for not wanting to pay for my children's spring class pictures?
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They had pictures taken sometime in early December. Solo pictures as well as pictures with their class. Now the school is sending flyers out that next week is "spring class pictures!" oh brother....They didn't do this last year. Last year it was just a one time thing. These pictures arent cheap either. You can not just purpose a few. They come in packages and the cheapest package is $40. So in December in total i spent roughly $80 for pictures of my children. And my children are at an age where they HATE smiling while taking pics. So i spent $80 on them seriously staring at a camera...I still love them though. I told someone i don't plan on wasting another $80 for more pictures and they looked at me like i have a problem. Then pointed out how my kids will probably see sitting to the side while watching other kids take pictures and feel left out, or like i dont love them enough to pay for more pics of them. Am i an asshole for not wanting to pay for MORE pictures???
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HISTORICAL
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b9yxxz
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{
"description": "cutting off ties with a friend who is trying to force me giving him a laptop",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
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|
AITA for cutting off ties with a friend who is trying to force me giving him a laptop?
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We are about 15 years old, and it's a bit long.
About a year ago, two of my friends and I went to my dad's company warehouse full of tech. Monitors, printers, switches, and other assorted gadgets. We tested them to see if they were sellable. What really caught our eyes were the computers. There were 3 stacks of 12 laptops. We tested each one and it's components, and ended up with 9 functioning computers cobbled from the parts of all the laptops. We decide to take one as a shared laptop between our circle of friends.
Fast forward a year, and the " shared " computer has been with 1 person the whole year, Mr. Friend (we'll call him Jack). My dad had recently moved and hired new employees, which meant he had to use all the laptops. I had to take back the laptop Jack had so that my dad could use it for his company.
When I get it back and hand it it, Jack asks me for his money back. I had no idea what he was talking about, so I asked what money.
Apparently, Jack had paid for a higher bandwidth WiFi card and repaired the screen that broke after half a year. However, he put in non genuine parts. The total cost would be minor for adults in the US, about 75$, but for me it's a huge amount of money. Or I could return the laptop to him. He also mentioned that we had to sell the functioning laptops for a 60/40 split.
When he sent that, I got a bit annoyed, and told him I can't just return the computer, its being used, that I can't get that kind of money now, and that he's not the one with the hardware, my dad is, and he's using it. Jack retorts that he practically worked 4 hours LAST YEAR for no revenue.
This man is trying to use an event that happened a year ago, to get me to give him a laptop.
After fuming on that for half an hour, I return to my phone with this:
"You're now talking business, since revenue is a business term. So from now on, it is business. I opened up the computer and looked up the part number for both the panel and the WiFi card, and they are both non genuine. This means you have added risk. On top of that, you got a fully functional laptop for a WHOLE YEAR. There was no need for it until now, and as a result, you got to keep it for longer than you should. If we reimburse you for the repairs, then I will expect $95 for renting the laptop for a year. To add on that, forget selling the computers. You will have to talk to my dad, who is a businessman, and therefore looks for profitable deals. In what scenario does he benefit from even an 80/20 split? What are you bringing to the table? That's right, nothing. So choose."
Jack blows his top off, releasing a barrage of shade.
"You said we could sell the stuff."
"You say but you don't commit."
"You said we could have it forever."
These I could tolerate. However, he pulled a dirty move and tried to tell my friends that I stole from him. I had to send them proof before they could believe me again, and I dont blame them. After that, I decided to ignore him.
Am I the asshole here?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "getting up with my boyfriend for posting on his Instagram story multiple times before he responded to my texts",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 6
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|
AITA for getting up with my boyfriend for posting on his Instagram story multiple times before he responded to my texts?
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Going to be slightly vague because I don’t really know who looks at my reddit.
Last week, I went out of town for 6 days. I was really busy and had a detailed itinerary that I shared with my boyfriend, so if he couldn’t get in contact with me, he would have a good idea as why he couldn’t reach me. I posted on my Instagram story quite a bit, but I tried to be conscious that I texted him when I got a chance and just made him aware of what was going on when I had the chance. Also just to like, talk to. Talk about the experiences I was having, his day, like the usual. I just didn’t want to make it seem like I was just posting on my Instagram story while knowing I had unread texts from him.
This week, he’s out of town. He has no real plan for the trip, it’s just networking with his team. I’ll text him and he won’t respond for hours. He’ll post like 3-5 times over the course of a few hours, and not even acknowledge my texts. I called him out for it and he got annoyed, but was aware that I didn’t do that to him the week before.
I just think it’s inconsiderate. I didn’t do that on my trip because I didn’t want it to seem like social media is more important, or that I was ignoring his texts. Like come on, if you’re already going to go so far as to pick up your phone, open an app, and post with literally only the intention of others seeing it, how hard is it to respond to a text? Is posting your life frame by frame more important than responding to your girlfriend?
Maybe I’m just being too sensitive. Feedback much appreciated.
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HISTORICAL
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aip32m
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{
"description": "not giving a business owner his phone number back",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
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AITA for not giving a business owner his phone number back
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Five years ago, I got a new phone number. I picked the last four digits myself because they held some significance for me. Within hours of getting it, I got a wrong number call, which I answered and told them it was a wrong number. I thought it was a bit weird, but wrote it off as a coincidence.
After that I got more and more wrong numbers calling me on my new number. Some of them I answered and told them they had the wrong number, and some of them I let ring. I also turn off my phone a lot, so there were probably more calls than I knew about.
A few weeks later, I got a call from a man, who said he was a business owner. He didn't specify what kind of business it was, or if he did, I don't remember. He told me that my new phone number used to be his business's number, and all the wrong numbers I've been getting were his customers trying to call him.
He told me that he wanted me to change my number so that he could get the number back, or at least so that the number won't go through and confuse his customers.
I told him, "I'm sorry your customers are calling me and thinking that it's you, but I'm not going to go through the trouble of changing my number just because you lost your number and I happened to get it." After that, I was about to walk into a noisy cafeteria to get lunch, and wouldn't be able to hear what he said so I told him that I had to go and hung up. He never called me again, and the wrong numbers slowed down significantly after a month. I still have the same number and I haven't gotten any wrong numbers from his customers in years.
I thought about this again recently and have been wondering if I did the wrong thing. Am I the asshole for refusing to change my number?
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HISTORICAL
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b71du1
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{
"description": "offering a promo to a customer",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for offering a promo to a customer?
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I work for a large phone company in the United States. This happened about 20 minutes ago and I want to know if I’m the asshole. I’m gonna be OP and I’ll use C for Customer.
Customer walks into the store:
OP: Hey how are you?
C: Moto G6
Immediately I’m like “oh” in my head, wondering if he didn’t hear me or just doesn’t want to answer me ?
OP: Oh, so you’re looking to buy a Motorola G6? Absolutely I can help you with that, let me go ahead and pull up your account.
He doesn’t say a word and follows me back to my desk. I log in to my system and ask for his number and get into his account.
OP: Any particular reason you’re choosing the G6?
C: I don’t need my phone to be a computer, but I do use it a lot for GPS, calls, texts, and photos.
OP: Oh well let me take a look at our promotions and see if there’s anything else I can offer you.
Maybe we can get you a better phone for a comparable price. You may have to change your number though. Sound good?
C: Yeah sure
Currently new line customers can get a LG G7 (normally $750) for half off. I know that it doesn’t sound like a big difference, but the G6 is worth about $250 and is definitely not a great phone. So I figured that any reasonable person might consider the extra $125 for a much better phone and the hassle of changing your number.
However I understand that the hassle of changing your number isn’t ideal for everyone.
OP: So I brought out these phones for you. This is the G6 and the G7. Now I have a promotion available for you on the G7, if you were to change your number I can cut the price of it in half making it $15/month instead of $30. The G6 would be roughly $10/month.
Then I went into detail about how the G7 has a better camera and better specs than the G7.
C: So I would only get the promotion if I changed my number ?
OP: Yes, you’d have to change your number.
C: Do me a favor and see if you can tell how long I’ve had this number.
OP: I can date your SIM cards back to Nov 2012
C: Well I’ve had this number since 2003, so you’re gonna have to make a case for this phone. *points at G7*
OP: *literally repeats what I said two seconds ago*
C: not good enough, you gotta make a better case for this phone.
OP: *speechless I start to repeat myself for the third time*
C: Ok, you just lost this sale.
He gets up angrily and starts walking towards the door.
C: *turns around and stops at door* Do you know why you just lost this sale ?
OP: If you just want to get the other-
C: DO YOU KNOW why you just lost this sale?
Over his bullshit, and not wanting him to leave a bad google review (which will happen anyway) I just reply “yes” and he left.
I assume it’s cause I asked him to change his number ? Am I the asshole here ?
TL:DR; offered a customer a significantly better phone for about $5 more a month if he changed his number (required for promotion). Instead of denying my offer and moving on, he gets up and makes a scene in front of the entire store.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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ba2ffs
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{
"description": "wanting to vacation with my gf just us",
"pronormative_score": 6,
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|
AITA For wanting to vacation with my gf just us
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I 29(M) am dating (28F) and she has an 8 year old autistic son. He is non verbal autistic and cannot be left alone. I’ve tried including him on a few excursions. Aquariums, theme parks, theatre (both cinematic and planetary), he doesn’t seem to enjoy it. I’m at my wits end trying to enjoy time with my gf and include her son. He gets bored and frustrated while we’re trying to enjoy ourselves and we end up having to leave, am I being an asshole for thinking we should plan our trips alone after this or am I doing something wrong?
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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at434r
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{
"description": "seemingly upsetting my friend telling me about her fling with mentor",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA - for seemingly upsetting my friend telling me about her fling with mentor
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Bit of back ground. I have been friends with this girl for a few years and she is very full on but generally a lot of fun and just need reigning in a little. examples inviting herself to dinner, coming over unannounced not getting that I can't always proritise her but all I do then is pull back a bit and get some space. She cam over a few months ago and I was crying and discussing with my husband issues with regards my brother moving in as my dad had an affair and things had gotten bad at home and he didn't want to be there. I wouldn't have really discussed this with her but I was upset and shared a little. We have spoken a little about it since and everyone is trying to move forward.
This was 4 months ago things have settled into a routine and we were chatting about going out this weekend and she messages me saying I have gossip. I asked her what and she telling me she is getting it on with her uni mentor. I asked if this was the guy who is married and had a baby. She then says "no baby isn't here yet, yo'll either be really disappointed in me or super proud" I then explained she is risking her reputation, that she is helping him destroy some poor woman's life if he gets caught. I don't want her to get hurt and honestly it just isnt worth it. I then ask how her days going. She then tells me she isn't and that she feels judged she told him to fuck off and that's why I should be proud. Says shes upset and she's worried I hate her.
i have told her I am not judging but after watching what that did to my mum I could say I agree with it either each to their own but Its what she said. My husband says i just should have said any thing. But i cant help thinking she is a dick . She says because she is single she isn't the one doing any thing wrong... but nothing has happened. I'll be honest I just didn't want to talk to her much after that and I know that's she is just back tracking as she honestly thought I would be happy that she is putting it about with a married man!
TL:DR - friend tells me she is hooking up with married man, I tell her that's shitty she says I hurt her feelings. Husband says I should have said nothing
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b1veqg
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{
"description": "telling a family friend to stop following my cousin on Instagram",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 2
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|
AITA For telling a family friend (24M) to stop following my cousin (13F) on Instagram
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Hi, I don’t post often and this is my first time posting to this thread so I apologize for messing anything up.
So I have a family friend whom I’ve known since we were about 10 years old. I also have a fairly large family on my moms side and I have a lot of cousins and second cousins who are in their early teens whom I’m over protective of being a female myself and knowing how predatory guys that we don’t know well tend to get.
I saw on Instagram that my family friend was liking and commenting on on my cousins pictures and I felt some way about this and I messaged him asking him to stop doing that and just unfollow her because she’s only 13 and it looks kind of creepy for a grown man lurking on a 13 year olds Instagram page.
He immediately began to curse at me and tell me that I’m being crazy and starting drama with him and that I’m accusing him of being a predator.
But I also told him that I have done and will do the same for his sister because she’s the same age and doesn’t know any better and would be susceptible to the same thing.
I just wanted him to understand that I didn’t like how he was interacting with my younger cousins and I brought it to his attention and he says that I’m in the wrong. Am I the asshole in this situation?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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azer0q
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{
"description": "continuing to be mad at my roommate for an obvious joke",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
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|
AITA for continuing to be mad at my roommate for an obvious joke?
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I hope this is the right sub for this question, forgive me if it's not. So I have a coworker who recently lost a son and discovered her husband was cheating on her. I feel really bad for her and am trying my best to offer her support since I work with her fairly often (at my job it's two people per shift so we are generally alone together, giving us a lot of time to talk.) I mentioned her situation to one of my roommates because I'm fairly bad at social situations and wanted some advice on how to handle it. For reference, he has never really met her and only seen her a few times when visiting me at work. He proceeded to say that it was her fault for choosing to marry a man that cheats and for having a son with health problems. When I tried to defend her, he kept going with it, saying that she brought the whole situation upon herself. He was obviously joking, considering he makes jokes like this fairly often, but I felt that it was really awful and uncalled for, considering a woman just lost her son and found out the man she had been married to for decades was unfaithful. I called him out on it but he kind of shrugged and went to his room. Lately, I've been kind of cold to him and avoiding mentioning anything remotely serious around him. I want to confront him about it but I am afraid I am in the wrong and just being rude and overdramatic about a joke or just getting too offended on someone else's behalf. He is still a really close friend but I feel like this was a horrible thing to say. AITA for being upset with him even though he was joking?
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HISTORICAL
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a0o55g
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{
"description": "discussing past relationships and sexual trauma with my current boyfriend",
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|
AITA for discussing past relationships and sexual trauma with my current boyfriend?
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This is going to be fairly long, so apologies in advance, but I'd appreciate people taking the time to read, and I will do my best to answer any questions, as its a complicated story.
​
So my BF and I are both college aged, we've been together for less than 2 months and still in the "getting to know each other" stage. I really like him and I get the sense he feels the same about me. We get along really well and generally have a great time together.
​
I do not go out of my way to mention any exes, but it does come up, especially when we are hanging out with mutual friends who know my history and may bring it up, and I'm not going to pretend I'm an innocent virgin who has never been with another guy.
​
Recently, we were alone at my apartment studying, and my ex came up in conversation (I can't remember how) and I decided it was as good a time as any to open up about what happened. My ex and I were together for almost 2 years, and this included an incidence of him cheating on me, him threatening suicide many times, pressuring me into sex, him attempting suicide after I tried to break up with him, accusing me of cheating nearly every day, me visiting him in a mental hospital, and his attempts to control me (clothes, instagram posts, friends, etc.). It was a textbook toxic relationship and borderline abusive.
​
That relationship fucked me up and traumatized me, and while it was a long time ago and I have healed from it, it was still a big and formative time in my life and the kind of thing I feel like people close to me should know about.
​
So I gave my current BF the TLDR of that toxic relationship (I did not go into detail), I pretty much just told him what I wrote here. He seemed very upset, told me he didn't know what to think, and went very quiet. I said I hoped he didn't think any of less of me, knowing about that era of my life, and he said he didn't know. He told me not to talk to him about that "kind of stuff".
​
This is not the first time we have had an incidence like this either, several weeks ago, an old friend of mine visited me for a weekend, and we had a long emotional talk about some old stuff we never really had a chance to process, including a sexual assault incident. I saw my BF later that night, and he could see I was upset, asked what was wrong, and so I told him I was upset because I was thinking about this sexual assault I had experienced. He told me that time he "didn't know how to deal with that" and told me not to talk about it or bring it up.
​
I don't want him to have to deal with my past mistakes, trauma, and bad decisions, and it doesn't seem fair to make him listen to it, but I feel like its important for him to know. Am I the asshole for telling him this and making him deal with my shit, or is he the asshole for telling me not to talk about it?
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HISTORICAL
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asydvi
| null |
AITA foe hoarding toilet paper?
|
My roommate absolutely refuses to buy anything for the apartment, especially toilet paper, even after having a talk about it. Am I the asshole for hoarding toilet paper from him because he refuses to help out?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b4h2mn
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{
"description": "butting into my mother's relationship",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
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|
WIBTA if I butt into my mother’s relationship?
|
I’m in my 20’s. All my siblings and I are out of my mother’s house. I’ve never met my father, but from the stories I’ve heard about him he was a drunk and that’s what ended their relationship. My sister’s father as well had an alcohol problem.
My mom recently started seeing someone. I go over there either every week or every other weekend to visit and use that sweet free laundry. The last two weekends I went in the morning and her boyfriend was sitting at the kitchen table drinking beer. This isn’t like 11am morning, it’s 8am. I also noticed the bags they use for recycling. There were two of the really big black bags filled with cans.
My mom is an adult and her relationship isn’t any of my business. I’m not a child and I don’t live there. I do love her to death though and for whatever reason she seems to have a weakness for alcoholics. I’m torn between whether or not I should say anything to her about it.
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HYPOTHETICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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b5qwlc
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{
"description": "exposing my friend as a cheater",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
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|
AITA for exposing my friend as a cheater
|
Some back story, we became friends through her husband and we talked and played video games together for about 2 years then when her and her husband separated and started the divorce process she told me it was because she cheated on him 7 times over the course of their 10 year relationship. There was never any inappropriate talking or actions between us while they were together a while after their separation we started sleeping together and she was asking about dating I made it clear I wasn’t comfortable dating until she finished her divorce and worked on improving herself and figuring out why she cheated so much. 2 months later she told me she had a boyfriend now so we had to stop the sex part of our friendship. We went back to how it was before.
She moved in with her boyfriend, and started acting really weird so I asked what was going on and she told me she hasn’t told him about me so she only talked to me while he was gone (she doesn’t have a job so he pays for everything for her, and is talking about paying to help her go to school) so I started pushing her to tell him about me and introduce us. Her boyfriend found out about me and we talked a little, I found out they started their relationship before she ended things with me.
I confronted her about it and she confirmed they were in a relationship at that point and she lied to me about being single and cheated on him. I told her he deserved to know and she should tell him. She said “it should be my choice to tell him, and I don’t want my past to ruin this, I didn’t know what this relationship was going to turn into and I ended the cheating”. I decided that the guy deserved to know anyway so I decided if she wouldn’t tell him within 2 weeks I would. I tried to talk to her a couple times ending with crying and begging me not to bring it up again, then I told her to meet me on the last day so we could figure out this situation in a face to face conversation so it could be resolved she agreed but never showed up so I called her boyfriend and told him.
She lied saying the weekend in particular that I told him about she was with family so he called her grandma who she was living with at the time and she said she was with family that weekend so apparently she started this lie before it ever happened, she started telling her boyfriend more lies and he started talking a lot of shit and threatening me so I went to bed, in the morning it hit me she can’t fake bank charges I sent him a message saying ask for her statement for that weekend and there will be 3 charges at specific locations which are not in the city she claimed to be in, she kept denying it, the next morning he messaged me to say that she admitted it finally and that she isn’t allowed to talk to me so if she contacts me to let him know which I told him to go fuck himself and if I choose to keep talking to my friend in the future it’s not his decision then he threatened to beat me up a bunch more.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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7QRGn9q7Tk7TvbKEftGQwIKqZkT8mOKr
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ahjwzf
| null |
AITA Threesome, and you're not invited
|
AITA, so my fiance, myself, and our good friend have been preparing for a three way. (I don't need your advice or explanation on how it'll destroy our relationships.) My fiance's friend flew over from the next state over and stayed at my house for new years and she hit it off with one of my best friends. He, like a fool caught heavy feelings for her after making out a grand total of twice.
Her myself and my fiance cuddled in bed and had some great talks together all the while building a strong connecting between us, which my buddy didnt like. She flew home after the weekend and he tried texting her a good amount. She wasn't necessarily about it, so she didnt respond all that much then stopped all together. Then a couple days ago we three decided we'd have a three way.
Today the fateful moment came when I had to tell me friend and when I did he was not a fan. He told me when I apologized "its fine" and "I don't think she liked me all that much anyways" but he was quick to read me replies and long to respond. I told him I wasn't aware he'd caught feelings after meeting her once and that I was sorry.
At this point I felt like a pile of shit because he really seemed to like her. And when I told him that I didn't want this to come between us he responded with "I'd really really really prefer that you guys didn't" and my heart sank. On one hand I could tell him what he wanted to hear that we wouldn't and save our friend ship. Or tell him that all three of us are super excited for it and that we are doing it.
I told him we'd talk it out, and the three of us all really want this to happen so, that's it. Are we the ass holes because we want to continue.
tl;dr Fiance and her best friend want to have a threesome. Her best friend made out with my best friend twice, caught feelings and now won't "let us" indulge.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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8Lw75aFTTBiRJ3DDepmmarXLws9B8MUX
|
arrulm
|
{
"description": "avoiding my friends because they smoke",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for avoiding my friends because they smoke
|
One group of my friends are all smokers and they smoke every chance they get. Whenever I'm With them, i get a really bad cough later, once i got it so bad that i could taste blood. So now i always make up some excuse to leave whenever I have to hangout with them so now i think they think I'm avoiding them. I try to show I'm uncomfortable when they're smoking in front of me, they say they'll be careful but still i Don't want to be near when someone smokes
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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acr3b1
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{
"description": "breaking up with a girl because she in the last had severe depression",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for breaking up with a girl because she in the last had severe depression
|
For context: I'm a 17 male who has had terrible luck with girls. Finally though, I found a girl who was pretty similar to me. We talked for a week or so and I invited her to a party. We chilled the whole time so I asked her to a date. When the date came, everything went well. We had a great time and I saw her one more time, but I wasn't feeling it.
We were talking on the phone for a bit and she mentioned how in the past, she promised a guy head if he did her essays. She never gave him head, but she then told me that she has an essay due. That freaked me out and I hung up on her. I started thinking about her differently and I remember her telling me how just 3 years ago, she was severely depressed. She attempted suicide 5 times and she was hospitalized. She had major shit. After thinking, I really wanted to break up with her. Besides her weird comment, I feel that I could've hurt her beyond repair. I know that it's her decision to date, but I don't want to be responsible for pushing her into depression again. Btw she has been good for a year or two.
Tldr: I broke up with a girl for saying a weird comment and because she has depression. I didnt want to hurt her.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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3Skp6ogOz1vTlNFSKoqMHZzRDLlBuv3I
|
ayve40
| null |
AITA My wife’s brother bragged to me that he’s cheating on his wife
|
My wife doesn’t get along well with her family. Her parents obviously favor her brother and expect her to cater to them constantly while praising her brother for doing the bare minimum. I think he’s a total narcissist, but my wife works with her parents and can’t remove herself from the situation. Her brother has 4 kids who are great and my kids love them, so we do family get togethers and such.
It’s not hard to tell that my sister in law is miserable, she clearly doesn’t trust her husband with her kids, but leaves as soon as we come over to get away from him. It’s so clearly loveless and he’s very unkind to her. It’s sad to watch.
My wife and I decided that it would be nice for my wife to take my sister in law and all the kids out for the day and I would take my brother in law golfing (lucky me). He spent a lot of time bragging and showing off his wealth, and I just saw tried to stay out of his way. Then he started bragging on and on about how many women he’s cheating on his wife with, how he goes on “business trips” to see women all over the country, and how his wife will never leave him because she can’t make enough by herself to keep her kids in the school district. It was absolutely disgusting.
I obviously went home and told my wife afterward, but we are at odds on how to handle this. We both want to tell his wife and offer her a way out, but my wife wants to wait until she can distance herself from her parents. I feel that we should help her now. My wife is concerned that her brother will twist the story if her parents hear that he’s cheating, but I think I can handle standing my ground and letting her parents know the truth if it comes to that. My wife aggressively avoids conflict, especially with her family, but I think this is a “for the greater good” moment. We can’t seem to come to an agreement, other than that something has to be done. AITA for not defaulting to my wife’s opinion on how to handle her family?
Tl;dr brother in law is cheating on sister in law and treating her terribly, should we tell sister in law now rather than waiting until my wife can distance herself professionally from her parents?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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piMcVhAgwQRMq5Ec9F11ijuWDLLJx4WE
|
ae7v2m
|
{
"description": "bumping a Parked Car & not leaving a note",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For Bumping a Parked Car & Not Leaving a Note?
|
I’m a new driver, and last night I was pulling out of my parking space at work when another car in front of me was aggressively trying to pull into my spot that I was pulling out of. They weren’t leaving me a lot of room, and I was getting nervous, so I very slowly crept back a little more...and bumped a parked pick up truck with my small sedan, and I do mean slowly, as I had only just removed my foot from the brake a little bit. I panicked. Put my four ways on, checked both cars and saw no damage, not even paint transfer. A couple came up from the side the truck was on and said “truck’s fine. I think you at most knocked off an icicle. Have a good night.” So, I thanked them, got into my car, and drove home. When I got home, I realized that I just assumed that was the owner, but what if it wasn’t. So, I drove back (6km) to find the truck and leave a note, but they had left. I had been gone less than an hour. I asked the security team if anyone had reported any vehicle issues, and they said no, there were no complaints. But I feel absolutely terrible for just assuming that I spoke to the owner, and not just a nice person.
Am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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FgVQA4UgULmyX11S7UTItDwLrRuRiHvy
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a4yccu
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{
"description": "not wanting to have to pay my father for a car that the person tried to give to him for free, but he insisted on paying for anyway",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not wanting to have to pay my father for a car that the person tried to give to him for free, but he insisted on paying for anyway?
|
I was recently rear ended and it resulted in my car being totaled as well as some minor-to-moderate injuries. It's been a pain getting the insurance figured out, luckily my father has a family friend with a good car that belonged to his late-wife he didn't want to have to deal with trying to sell.
My father, his wife, and I all took the day off of work to go visit the friend, who lives about 2 hours away.
Before the drive, my dad and I had worked out a deal. He was going to offer the guy $4 grand for the car(KBB puts it between $4.7-5.8) so already a good deal. He then said that I would just have to take out a loan(once the insurance settles my previous loan on my car, and the remaining $2k is paid off) and then pay him for the car.
I was fine with this, honestly it was great news. I'd much rather pay my father for the car than be "in debt" to him for it. I try my best to not rely on him and be my own man, but this was an emergency situation and a much better deal than going to a dealership.
We arrive and begin discussing the car, after a few minutes he says, "Take it, it's yours. Merry Christmas." I'm surprised, for sure, as I wasn't expecting him to just "give" us the car. However my step-mother interjects and insists that we pay him. He counters by saying, he really doesn't want our money at all and that we would be doing him a favor by taking it away. She continues to insist he takes the money(not her money by the way) and after some back and forth he says, "Okay I'll take half then."
This continues to go on with him insisting on half of what we were going to offer him, and her insisting on the full amount, him creeping it up to $2,500, then $2,750 and so on before finally he sighs and agrees on $3,500, which she(and my dad) also begrudgingly accepts.
At one point I literally had to step out of the room as I was getting so angry. I dunno why I was feeling this way, I was *completely okay and happy* to pay the $4,000 that I had originally talked to my dad about, however it feels like now I am being FORCED to pay this money unnecessarily. Hell even after my dad cut him the check, he said he was "Going to hold onto this for him." and when they insisted he cash it, he refused, saying, "You can't make me." or something to that effect.
I then had to drive the two hours home by myself. Honestly, I was steaming the whole time. On the one hand, it's less than we had planned, but on the other hand, it's **$3,500** more than we HAD to pay. I dunno why that she insisting he take the money, and his stark and adamant refusal has changed how I feel about it.
I really want to confront my dad about it but I don't want to feel like I am "Looking a gift horse in the mouth" because, honestly, $3,500 is a steal for this car. It's only 4 years old, has 32,000 miles on it, and is in great condition. I'm extremely thankful that this happened.
I dunno. I just feel so conflicted and wanted to know what others thought.
Some additional info that may be relevant.
1) He is in an assisted living facility as he is getting pretty old
2) He has Parkinson's disease and while it's still early stages, it is starting to affect his mind
3) He and his wife have been friends of my family for over 25 years.
4) He doesn't have much in the way of retirement
5) He is fairly isolated from everyone due to where he lives(cost of living and elderly care is substantially cheaper where he lives compared to if he was closer)
When it comes down to it, he really *does* need the money, and I am honestly more than happy to give it to him for the car. I just feel that because my step-mom had this argument over it that I feel like, well, she was offering up MY money in a way. Cause yes, they paid the 3.5k out of pocket right then and there, but I was now on the hook for it. I dunno. I just don't like that she turned down a gift for me and instead made me pay for it.
The best analogy I can come up with to describe how I feel is: You planned to buy yourself something, however someone else buys it for you, and then makes you pay them, even though they could have gotten it for free.
IDK... Am I the asshole in this? Cause I really feel like one.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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VebRU5px1cFPjUuOP47ETbe1cyVadSLH
|
9vfqsv
|
{
"description": "feeling mad at my husband for buying a bow",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
Aita for feeling mad at my husband for buying a bow?
|
Okay my husband and me planed to get tattoos of Link and Zelda together for 5 year anniversary. We pay $50 for a tattoo appointment but when I got my tattoo and my husband decided to get his later because of money next week.
Few weeks pass still didn't get tattoo but buy $400 bow I told him since he got that. it's his birthday and Christmas present....which he going hunting which he still hadnt plus my Dad told him that it wasnt so good idea to get the bow. I want tell him how I feel but everytime when i tell him stuff he get frustrated and says I'm sorry I didn't mean to...or he tries to justify it.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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39kiHYIWNIvCH8TvmY9GvilYKjx9G07e
|
auexx5
|
{
"description": "telling my date I don't think we're compatible",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my date I don't think we're compatible?
|
I went on a date today with this girl I met on OKC. Truthfully she and I had nothing in common but I think she just had a fetish for Koreans - she kept mentioning how she watched K-dramas and liked K-pop (I don't really consume either). She texted me last night asking if I was around and I figured I had nothing else to do so we decided to go on a date.
It wasn't horrible, just awkward. She seemed super nervous and guarded. We went and got some Korean food, and she said she could take the spiciness but I could see she was kind of dying. I tried to ask her questions and draw her out more but she just... never said anything substantial? Turns out she had moved from another country when she was younger so she was held back a year, so she was still in high school at 19, which is fine but I think there was a bigger gap in maturity than I expected (I'm 22). I tried asking if she worked, if she did things for fun, etc but she seemed not to want to answer any of my questions. We just had a lot of problems communicating even though I speak a little bit of her native language and she speaks fluent English.
After lunch we went to a thrift store and she was wide-eyed, she'd never been in one. It was fun watching her zip around the store but I got the sense that she grew up sheltered and I felt almost like her dad. I felt like it'd be sketchy of me to keep dating someone who's still relatively immature.
When it was time for us to part ways I decided to be straightforward with her. I thought she also felt that we weren't going to work out so "I had a lot of fun today with you but I don't think we're compatible. You'll find someone who's right for you, and I will too. If you want to get more Korean food as friends let me know." And we hugged and left.
On my way home I just wanted to make sure she was OK so I texted her that there's nothing wrong with her, she just needs to keep dating and meet the right person. Well she texted back saying "thank you but I think I need a break from dating". I asked her why and she started saying it makes her feel disposable, and that everyone is drawn to her appearance but leaves after seeing her personality, and that she should never have started dating... We exchanged a dozen texts, with me explaining it's not her fault and there are other people, and her being devastated and saying horrible things about herself. At this point I feel like I just kicked a puppy and left it roadside.
I've been ghosted before and I've been rejected over text before, and neither felt very good. But I feel just so guilty now. AITA for breaking it to her like I did? AITA for even going on this date??
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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tbzsoceRo3SVRycobwm4Jyi9hUsKxDgg
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b48dvu
|
{
"description": "telling people I don't like my engagement ring at my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
WIBTA if I told people I don't like my engagement ring at my wedding
|
All right, hear me out. Obligatory on mobile/throw away disclaimer.
My partner (31m) and I (29f) knew we wanted to marry each other pretty early on, so we had had numerous conversations about what kind of ring I wanted. Not a diamond. Not a diamond. Not a diamond. That's all I asked. While he was designing the ring, he was making jokes about how I didn't want a diamond. I actively didn't want something traditional. Fast forward to him proposing to me, it's a diamond.
Fast forward a couple weeks later we were talking about the ring because it was a little too small to begin with, and I was asking him why he chose to get me a diamond instead of anything else. He said he didn't want to have to explain to people why he didn't get a diamond, that the purchase really represents him and how he values the relationship. He had the ring custom built. He chose everything about the design and stones. I mentioned that the ring is really for the recipient and not for the audience and I think this was discouraging to him because he said he thought I could change my mind about diamonds and we can just get everything changed.
I don't want that, this is the ring he gave me, this is the ring he wanted to give me. It's an immensely beautiful and expensive gesture and I would never want something that he didn't want to give me. But aside from the size being too small, I genuinely do not like the design of the ring and I hate diamonds. I am blown away that he would go above and beyond to make getting me an engagement ring a massive, personal project. That's why I don't want another ring, the sentiment alone does it for me. We basically settled on he should have included me in the process. He just wanted to make me happy, and he spent a lot of money to do it. (Which is another reason why I didn't want a diamond in the first place.)
Now, I'm picking out wedding bands, the design I want does not match the engagement ring, I do not want to wear them together.
I don't want to wear my engagement ring at our wedding. It's too small to fit comfortably with another ring on the same finger. I don't want to wear it on my right hand. Point blank, I dont want to.
So, WIBTA if I was honest to those who ask where my ring is? If I said it's not really my style? Any other excuse would contradict the fact that Im probably not going to wear my engagement ring much after this. It irks me that so much about weddings is showboating and I don't want to pretend. I got something I didn't want half because my partner was worried about what other people would think, and now do I have to continue that facade? Both of our mothers know how I feel about the ring. And my partner knows I probably won't wear the ring much after we get married. If that matters at all.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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5i8cnzbUZE8kk2UIlNo7cOWTcAvVh6XF
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a79b43
| null |
AITA - Christmas hamper edition 🍾🧀
|
AITA for wanting an item than couldn’t be supplied in my Christmas hamper for being replaced with one of equal value?
We have a local business specialising in cheese. Incredibly, creamy, tasty, super special cheese. In the local area they have a relationship with some other artisanal food businesses and wineries and came out with an amazing Christmas hamper. It was super expensive but the stuff is just great (cured meats, vintage wines, a huge range of local cheeses and accompaniments, breads and biscuits etc). I was really excited and leapt on one as soon as it became available cause they’re always very limited.
They had a disclaimer saying that they may need to replace items if they’re no longer available. No problem, I don’t mind as long as it wasn’t my favourite cheese and said so in the order comments.
I got a call the day before delivery saying they’d run out of the wine, a 10+ yr old vintage sparkling from one of my favourite local wineries. It’s worth a fair bit and is pretty special. They said they were happy to replace it with 2x cheaper sparkling from the same winery and I said that was fine, I figured it must be decent cause the one they were replacing was fairly rare and a good vintage.
I’m fully aware that we are getting into stupid middle class problems territory, but they replaced it with 2 bottles of NV you can grab down at the bottle shop (usually on sale) that combined at full price are worth $20 AUD less than the original offering.
I wrote an email expressing my disappointment, I tried really hard not to be rude, but now I feel like a dick because they’re a fairly small operation and make really amazing stuff that I enjoy and I don’t know how much money they make off it but it’s definitely a labour of love for them. I don’t want to be an asshole about it, but my understanding of these replacement policies is that usually you get something of equal or higher value if they can’t give you the item you ordered and need to replace it, because you don’t get a choice in not getting what you paid for. Especially if it’s a big ticket item that makes up a pretty big part of the cost of the original hamper.
They’re super nice, their customer service is generally regarded as really good and their cheeses are amazing. I don’t wanna be “that person” but even our supermarket has a policy that they can’t replace order items with something of lesser value, but then that’s a supermarket not a small niche business, so I don’t know if similar expectations apply.
I’m really curious if you guys know what kind of policy is standard in this situation, and thus, if I am being a huge asshole complaining about my wine to a little cheese shop at Christmas 😥
|
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vqwjbxzLokNiIteEzDSvbKs5NgOvqgJq
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b50gbr
|
{
"description": "deciding to keep my mattress and box spring instead of trading it as I agreed",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I decided to keep my mattress and box spring instead of trading it as I agreed?
|
Okay so, my house is being slowly renovated, DIY, room by room. I just got done with my son's room, my room is next...so my husband and I are sans room. We decided to get our son a bunk bed and sleep in the bottom bunk instead of the couch, until our room is done.
Okay so here's the story...initially I was going to build my son a loft bed that hung from the ceiling but one day, as my family and i were perusing the community market (farmers market but with clothing, furniture, produce, etc.) we came across a really nice bunk bed w/trundle that worked perfectly for our needs. Our son loves bunk beds and we also could use the space for the family that visits, and for us temporarily. We asked if the mattresses were included in the overall price and the guy said yes. They did say they had mattress upgrades that would come at $60 extra for each mattress. We actually didn't like the upgraded mattresses because they came with a box spring and that took away significant head space (or the space between your body and the ceiling/top bunk). We decided standard mattress worked best for us. The sales guy said he could install the bed same day but that they only had two standard mattresses left, he said he would give us the upgraded mattress for the lower bunk temporarily and that when the shipment of standard mattresses come in he could trade it out. We asked why not just throw it in, why trade it at all and he said because he would lose money unless he charged us for the upgrade. We really didn't care for the upgrade anyway so we agreed.
The thing is, it has almost been a month and they still haven't called to change out the mattress! So this is what we have, top bunk standard mattress, bottom - upgrade, trundle -standard. My son sleeps on the top bunk and my husband and I are on the full size bottom. At this point we feel they probably forgot but aren't entirely sure. WIBTA if I refused to switch out the mattress if they called to do it at this point? It just seems super inconvenient now because his room is now done with all furniture in place, we'd have to make arrangements to be home for the switch, we'd have to make sure the living room and hall were cleared enough for the switch, we'd have to unmake and remake the bed. It just seems like a bug headache if they did decide to switch out the mattress now. It wasn't written anywhere on paper that there was an agreement to switch the mattresses anyway. So, WIBTA if I just told them we aren't switching if/when they call?
TL;DR agreed to switch expensive mattress for cheaper mattress on purchase but business never called to follow through and nothing on paper stating OP agreed to change out the more expensive mattress for the cheaper one. WIBA to keep the more expensive mattress or refuse to switch?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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}
|
WRONG
|
IFlw2D6jc2ps9hN5yGHlyAuVEDukBbEO
|
b2fwh3
|
{
"description": "calling the RA on my roommate for using our dorm as a hotel",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I called the RA on my roommate for using our dorm as a hotel??
|
Would I be the asshole if I called the RA to kick my roommates guests out. My dorms are kind of like apartments and she doesn’t share a room with me but just the bathroom and kitchen. Yesterday she asked if she could have a friend stay in her room while she was away, while I told her I’d have to talk to our other roommates too but there shouldn’t be a problem. She then included the fact that there would be 3 more guys with him staying in the living room. We’re also an all girl dorm. I asked where she would stay and she said at her boy friends dorm so they could have her room. We left it at that we would talk later.
. The next day they showed up. She didn’t mention that they were coming so soon. After they got here she told us that they were staying for a week and she also said she doesn’t know them that well and barely just met them when they came. She does this often but never that many people or for that long. They are also extremely messy and leave the toilet seat up and there’s been pee on the floor, a problem that hadn’t happened before. They also change the AC so it’s so hot in the morning and her guests got mad at me when i changed it to a cooler temperature. Even though I live here! I want to tell her something and say they can’t stay during the school week, and my other roommates agree, but we don’t want her to then not let anyone over ever. It’s not the fact that there are people over that’s the problem, it’s the length their staying and how inconsiderate they are. Would I be the asshole if I anonymously had our RA answer to a noise complaint and kicked them out???
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
NU1epr97fgc8Sn50vgAHRhApLcJAMZlz
|
b9cbno
|
{
"description": "wanting to tell my wife she can't attend her sisters bachelorette party",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for wanting to tell my wife she can't attend her sisters bachelorette party?
|
##
Off the top, It's important to note that I hate what bachelor & bachelorette parties are all about.
The idea of screwing around on your partner before your marry them turns my stomach.
I chose not to have a bachelor party before I got married as I saw no need to get drunk and get lap dances after having been in a monogamous relationship for seven years.
2 years after I got married my sister was engaged and asked my wife to be a bridesmaid. Leading up to her wedding, my sister rented a cottage her weekend bachelorette party. While having reservations, I made no attempt to stop my wife from going. The only thing I said to her was to have no physical contact and no dicks near her face (I knew a male stripper was being arranged).
When the girls returned my wife seemed as if something was bothering her. She eventually came clean and told me that she had gotten drunk (her inhibitions are obliterated when this happens) and made out with some random guy at a bar. Now I know for some people this may not be a big deal, but it crushed me. It is - to this day - one of the most challenging emotional traumas I have ever experienced.
This was very out of character for her. She was as as much in disbelief as I was and to say she felt horrible was a understatement.
After an initial fight, I didn't speak to her for 3 days. We eventually talked and slowly worked things out. But for weeks, the image in my mind of my drunk wife making out with some random guy really tore me up.
In exchange for my forgiveness, I asked her that she never again attend another bachelorette party, especially one that involved alcohol (yes, I realize how unlikely this is) or anything overnight. I did, however, make one exception...
My wife's sister was the maid of honor at our wedding, and now, she is engaged. Naturally, I expect my wife will be her maid of honor and consequently involved with everything that title entails. Currently, my sister-in-law is living with her fiancé in Ireland and there has been talk about having a bachelorette party somewhere in Europe.
I couldn't in good conscience tell my wife that she can't attend a local night out with her sister for her bachelorette party. But a week-long trip overseas is simply out of the question in my mind.
We now have 3 children (5, 2 and 4 months) and I would need to time time off work just so she could attend this trip. I could easily kibosh on the whole thing on this alone, but I'm looking for opinions from a moral standpoint.
We are in the process of trying to buy a new house and simply cannot justify the expense of a needless trip to Europe right now.
After my sister's bachelorette, my wife said she would never again drink to excess without me. But the sting of that weekend has subsided for both of us and I simply don't trust that she won't succumb to peer pressure during a week-long trip abroad.
What say you Reddit community?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 24,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 27,
"WRONG": 15
}
|
RIGHT
|
4JsGIGrPyogot2o9J0czBNyTF0siZt79
|
akc5ey
|
{
"description": "not wanting to drive my girlfriend to/from work sometimes",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to drive my girlfriend to/from work sometimes?
|
I'll try and make this as cut and dry as possible.
My girlfriend works about a five minute drive from where we live, depending on traffic. The problem, is with traffic, it can become a 45 minute, even an hour sometimes drive. It's a 25 minute walk. We live in Florida, so it can be very hot and sunny, but it's right on the beach, so if she really wanted she could walk home, but I'm worried she would burn in the sun. We also have a trolley system, for 75 cents, no switching, but can still take the full 45 minutes too but it's air conditioned and you can read or do whatever. They do have a problem with not running consistently, but they shoot for every 15 minutes to 30 minutes, there is a covered waiting area along the road directly in front of her work. She takes the trolley to work, but leaves two hours early, because a couple of times she was almost late due to them dropping a schedule in the off season where its every 30 minutes to 45 minutes, while being reliably not set to their listed schedule time. I have never tried to get her to take and early trolley or a late trolley as my job always has mornings and nights open, as well as a lack of traffic. The traffic starts around 10 am and tends to end around 7:30 pm.
I never have a problem taking 10-15 minutes to give her a ride to and from work.
She doesn't have a big problem with taking the trolley whenever I'm working. She obviously isn't a fan, but doesn't let it ruin her attitude for the rest of the day or bring it up every chance she gets.
They have an app that shows the trolleys, but her phone just doesn't have room for it I guess. I have it on my phone and she used to text me and ask, but that didn't solve them taking over an hour sometimes between pickups and one time, it said 5 minutes for like 45 minutes, so I guess it broke down, so she doesn't trust it anymore and we haven't used the app recently. It also doesn't have a great function to find stops you're not near since it uses your location, you need to go stop by stop to be able to select bus stops farther out of range.
Her driving isn't an option, but it's being worked on, so I'd like to avoid that aspect if possible as it's 100% not her fault or anyone else.
Whenever I'm not working and I even suggest I don't pick her up due to traffic and she just take the trolley, she gets the "you kicked my dog" sadness and spicy responses, along with plenty of "you can't just spring this on me like this."
There is plenty more to unpack, but I wanna try and keep this as pure as possible.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
moKSxy8NlI95eUl716ZplUmAUQ9cWhKZ
|
b2ei4u
|
{
"description": "\"canceling\" my party so my friend wouldn't show",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for “canceling” my party so my friend wouldn’t show?
|
I know i sound like an asshole already but..
Saturday was my (16M) birthday party. I didn’t want to have one, but after a few days I thought, hey, why not celebrate?
The beginning of March comes. I asked six friends what time they would be available, I didn’t want anyone left out. They agree on the 16th, at 5pm. I make a reservation for a restaurant. I ask again the week of the party to confirm. Everyone says yes except one person. No hard feelings.
They all assured me. My friend, lets call Mae, especially did, saying she would totally come, and how excited she was. She’s not the most reliable, but I still see her as a good friend.
The day before i ask for conformation again, Yes, they are coming. The day finally comes. I text everyone at 12 pm for a final confirmation.
One person says they forgot, and couldn’t come. Another person just completely ghosts me. Three people left. I text them, including Mae.
I arrive to the restaurant at 4:30. Since its popular, they can’t seat you until all of your party has arrived, i waited. 20 minutes later, two show up. It’s just Mae. I text her:
Me (4:42): Hey, are you close?
Mae (4:50) Sorry, i might be late, im still at the mall :(
I thought, shes at the mall in our town. I can wait. I realized that the app has a map feature that lets you see where your friends are, so i check on it.
She’s at the mall. In another state. 1-2 hours away.
My dad asked where everyone else is. I told him i was still waiting for Mae, who was in the next state over, he got shocked. He said, “Yeah. she’s not coming. Let’s go inside.”
We get seated. I wanted to leave a seat for her, but then another group got placed in them. I realized, even if she did come, she would have nowhere to sit. So I messaged her again:
Me (5:25) Hey sorry, I think im gonna cancel the party. :(
Me: Cause people aren’t showing up
45 minutes later, she just texts me:
Mae(6:04) Ahh
I felt bad for lying, since it wasn’t really canceled, but she wouldn’t even be seated with us. Checked the map, still at the mall.
The party was great, even if only two people showed. Im glad they came, but it still felt shitty. The party ended around 7:40. I came back home at 8.
I checked the map out of curiosity, and it showed Mae was back home. Still feeling upset, I messaged her again:
Me (8:12) Hey :/
Mae: (8:20) Hello
Me: (8:25) So how was your trip to the mall?
No answer. No one has messaged me.
So AITA for lying, even if I wanted her to come? I see her and other friends tomorrow. Im scared of what they might say to me, if they want to talk at all. Not sure what to do.
TLDR; wanted to have a party, ask all my friends weeks early if they can go, they say yes, including really excited friend, Mae. I ask day of to confirm, Only 2 show up. I text Mae to ask where she is, says she’ll be late, turns up in another state. End up saying it was “canceled” and not to show up. still had a party.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
RjjC2FkQfj16WO1ouULYV5hf0nJfRLrD
|
amd6oi
|
{
"description": "throwing away my friends jewelry",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for throwing away my friends jewelry?
|
On mobile, not real names, sorry etc..
Lets start with some back story. My 2 friends John and Mark decided to do their 2 year working holiday visas in Europe and Mark left a small box of stuff with me. All of that was fine, I moved to the other side of Australia about 6 months later and Marks box along with some of my belongings went to mum and dads for storage. Gotta love mum and dads free storage cupboards.
Anyway! This was over 5 years ago. I haven't seen them since they left (and subsequently returned to a different city in Australia) but have always kept in sporadic contact with John. Mark and I stopped talking 4 years ago, zero contact even through facebook because Mark has a facebook account but doesn't use it. We weren't exactly close and when he left it was kind of a relief for me to get some space from him. I sent him several text messages 3 years ago asking what he wanted me to do with the box because mum wanted to do a clean out. I also messaged John asking if he could talk to Mark about the box. No answer.
I had never looked in the box before this, but mum wanted it gone and Mark apparently didn't care anymore. Inside was some photos of buildings in NY from a trip we did, a drawing another friend of ours did for Mark, some sketches, tarot cards, a silver bracelet with his birthday engraved and a broken silver watch.
Fast forward 3 years and John messaged me last week via facebook. We hadn't caught up in ages so we had a great chat with our usual jokes. He asks me if I still have Marks box, he wants it for Marks birthday. I tell him I don't have it anymore. It either went to recycling or the opshop.
John: That was stuff from his 21st birthday, and his grandparents jewellery. OMG he is not going to be happy.
*ahhhhhhh, fuck*
Me: I tried to text him because I wanted to send him his stuff.
John: Fb or text? His phone has changed since then.
I apologised profusely and John tells me it's not him I should be apologising to, it's Mark.
So guys, how many years is acceptable to throw away someone elses jewelry? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
UHIcoT74ngPZH8GNMQthE4POaHkXtLfg
|
a6ybsk
|
{
"description": "disapproving of my cousin's new relationship",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for disapproving of my cousin’s new relationship?
|
My cousin and I have always been close, and honestly, she’s the closest thing I have to a sister. We’re very close in age. I recently started college, and she’s now a junior in high school.
During thanksgiving, I noticed a real shift in her personality. She’s been acting more self-absorbed, asking me if she can call me “bitch” because that’s what she calls our mutual friend who is my age, and when I requested her not to, she made a remark saying that’s why she sees our mutual friend more as a cousin than me. Most irritating of all, she constantly complained about not having a boyfriend, and though I told her that she shouldn’t have that be her main focus and that she should put her effort into school, she dismissed what I said and just kept complaining more about how her most of her friends were in relationships.
Fast-forward to now, she tells me she now is dating someone, and it so happens to be a boy I’m familiar with. I know this boy because his sister and I used to go to the same high school, and she wasn’t exactly the nicest to me. His sister (we’ll call her “C”) and I had a mutual best friend (we’ll call her “A”). C and I weren’t friends at all - in fact, she hated me and saw me as competition. I only know this because A told me every single thing C said about me after A broke off their relationship.
C, A, and I went to a Christian high school. I am Catholic, and for some reason, the staff members there just really didn’t like me. The staff members didn’t really know me well, but they just assumed that I was a bad influence because I didn’t go to their church and didn’t attend youth group. C and A were a part of the church, and C tried her best to tear down my character just so A would drop me as a friend, using my religion as leverage against me. A eventually saw that C was being manipulative, ended their friendship, and continued to be friends with me.
So - I have a long-standing feud with C that I’ve definitely told my cousin about. She and her new boyfriend know about how C and I don’t like each other, yet they mutually decided it didn’t matter to them. I know my history with his sister shouldn’t matter when it comes to their relationship, but I still feel a little betrayed. Not only that, but I feel like she’s rushing it and wants to get into a relationship with him solely because she wants to be “cuffed.”
Another thing that I want to talk about is his parents. His parents are extremely strict. They’re also prone to blaming people other than their children, as I’ve had personal experience with since their daughter really disliked me. My cousin says they’re trying to keep their relationship a secret - from both his parents and her parents. And I know for a fact that both of their parents will be rational if any of them find out about this relationship.
Also, I want to add that I know he’s a separate person apart from his family. I don’t personally know him, and I don’t want to make any assumptions about him just because of my bad experiences with his family members. I just feel like she doesn’t understand that having a boyfriend will eventually mean the family will be involved, and considering that they’re already starting the relationship off by keeping it a secret from them when they’re already extremely strict, I feel like it really won’t end well.
AITA for disapproving? I’m trying to be objective about the situation, but it’s overall just kind of messy. I’m very afraid that I’m making it all about me, and I really don’t want it to be that way.
tl;dr - My younger cousin recently started dating a boy whose sister really doesn’t like me. I feel like she’s pursuing him just to say she’s in a relationship. Both of their parents are strict and will not approve of the relationship, which is why they want to keep it a secret. I’m wondering if I’m the asshole for immediately being disapproving of the relationship and not giving them a chance.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
YLWkyxAfkZgyXm6mdWRY77nRhPEY7bR1
|
ae04mm
|
{
"description": "cutting contact with my grandfather",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting contact with my grandfather?
|
Unfortunately my great grandfather passed away in November and had planned on leaving a firearm to both me and my younger sister. Instead of honoring my great grandfather's wishes my grandfather decided that he's not going to give either of us our guns because they would be stored in my father's safe. My grandfather can't stand my dad (honestly they're both jagoffs more often than not) and told me to my face that I wont be getting anything because my grandfather doesn't want anything to do with him.
After he tried to put his own anger and unresolved issues with my dad on me I just cut all contact with my grandfather. I don't need to maintain a relationship with someone that tries to sabotage the relationship I worked to rebuild with my father. I don't know if I'm an asshole here but I sure know I'm fed up and have no desire to work on my relationship with my grandfather.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Vu3zrfwTVJxdBtAifgalTZ9loc3bJrl7
|
b8a6zk
|
{
"description": "Yelling at our new accountant",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 23
}
|
AITA for Yelling at our new Accountant.
|
Okay, so backstory here, i work in a very small office, and we had a very nice Accountant who retired at the end of last year. We hired a new one at the beginning of the year, who is a very nice person.
​
Rewind about 2 months ago, I had to use the washroom, but she had beat me to it (we have 1 washroom in our office), she was in there for about a half hour. By the time I got to go in there, I was pretty desperate. so I close the door, and sit down, see a spec in my peripherals. THERE IS A BLOB OF POO ON THE WALL! After thinking about it, a small timid girl or a small town construction worker coming out of there, who would anyone believe? I sucked it up and went to get TP to clean it off the wall, surprise, no TP on the holder, so i get a new roll, use half of it to clean it up. I then go to wash my hands and throw out the paper towel, what do you know! Crap covered paper towel at the top of the pile!
​
Fast forward to a couple weeks ago now. she stays late usually on fridays, I go to use the bathroom first thing on monday morning. Keep in mind she is the only woman in the office. So there are driplets of blood on the seat, floor, and streaks of blood down the front of the bowl, and top of the wide open garbage can, is an open bloody pad! No cleaning it this time, apparently for anyone the past week as it is stillll there!
​
Today, was the final straw, I go in to see if its clean, not only is it not, as she just comes out of there. There is Pee all over the toilet seat! I yelled profanities in there and pushed the door open, and slammed it as I left. Yelled at her that you learn basic Hygene at 2 years old! and how rude it was, told her the dirtiest of construction workers know how to use the toilet properly, how come you can't????!!! I left the office, and won't go back for the day.
​
Now am I the ass hole for doing this? I don't know how else this could have been handled? It's not like any of this was hidden, it was all in plain sight.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 11,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 23
}
|
WRONG
|
Irzz3xQDJW6qt46XEAtv58dhfhYTZ0A2
|
azukog
|
{
"description": "cutting contact with my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting contact with my best friend?
|
My friend and I both are 21 F and have been friends since we were in kindergarten. Recently everything went down hill. I will call her B.
A little thing about B whenever she is with a guy, she changes. Her personality changes, she talks to me less and all. I can understand that to an extent but it is weird when we were actually like sisters. I think the serious issue started when I was hospitalized for one week, needed to take heavy medicine. I didn’t expect anyone to come visit me. Whenever a friend worried about me and called me I just said ‘I have nothing to worry’ and ‘please don’t come’. It wasn’t as serious as a normal staying at hospital situation so I thought it wasn’t worthy to make them worry. But B said, she heard about me and she will come visit me. I realized I really needed a friend with me. I was lonely, bored and in pain also I hadn’t seen B for a long time, I had missed her. I was really happy she would come visit me but that day she didn’t respond to my messages until end of the day. She just said she had a laser appointment and couldn’t come. It felt pretty sad. (The worse thing is treatment lasts for 1 hour and her mother is the one working there, taking appointments so it was changable). I didn’t talk to her after I came home.
Then she messaged me after 2 weeks. She said ‘she is sorry’’we are going to go out together always’ ‘she is going to buy me gifts and do whatever to make me feel better’
I was happy again so I accepted her apology. We hung out for once and it was just once a week texting with no soul. My birthday came up and she asked me if I want to do something with her. I had an event in my mind so we made a plan for that. So the event was 9am - 6pm and we could have gone anytime. When it was my birthday, she texted me at 6pm if I wanted to do something. I just said no and after one week only thing she wrote was about if I still have my cat’s cage with me or not.
I don’t think I did anything to deserve this from the person I called best friend for a long time and I want to learn if I am asshole if I dont speak with her anymore.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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