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gOVIoY4pz9iRif2Vcfeca8c1BAtEG7cf
|
a8egym
|
{
"description": "spilling the beans about my cousin's marriage",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
WIBTA if I spilled the beans about my cousin's marriage?
|
My cousin and his girlfriend eloped over last weekend and are planning on telling my parents on Christmas with the whole family around. I am 90% certain my hothead father won't take this news well for various reasons and I want to tell him about it before then to avoid any extreme reactions.
I understand it is not my place to release details about my cousin's life, but this our family is going through an unprecedented amount of drama this Christmas in particular and I want to do what I can to combat it.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
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AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
TRTM3bj9ivPvAVfvNk4JfUwk34djubiX
|
b1pc61
|
{
"description": "postponing negative feedback to job applicants",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for postponing negative feedback to job applicants?
|
This came up yesterday during dinner with my SO. I am head of production in a medium sized company. When I am hiring I’ll get applications from HR and check them. At that point applicants have received a short standardized mail that we thank them for their interest and we Willens time to check the application. I usually check my inbox (it’s a separate one for applications) daily and, as hard as it sounds, Filter out the bad ones in probably less then 2min per application. Almost always I don’t check these a second time since I heave a few good ones to continue working with. Now comes the AITA part: since I check daily I could give applicants a direct feedback that they won’t get the job, sometimes maybe very few hours after the standardized mail. But I don’t. I wait a few days to tell them (or actually let them be told, as long as I did not have personal contact to applicants HR tells them. Only when I have mail or phone contact myself I tell them personally via the channel I used to communicate with them). My SO says I am an asshole for letting them hope for a few days even though I’m sure they won’t get the job. I think it’s very hard to get a negative feedback within hours, it’s like „yeah I didn’t need much time to consider it’s clear your no it“ which is actually true (now that I am typing it I realize I may actually be an asshole). Other reason why I think I am in the right: you can’t expect an application to be answered in a few hours, I doesn’t take longer than normal my way. I could maybe think of more but I guess you have enough to judge.
|
HISTORICAL
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{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
0rcAWZi8n00MvH2fpqlljpsUUqKM8knc
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albxzz
|
{
"description": "arguing with my mother on how she feeds her animals",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for arguing with my mother on how she feeds her animals?
|
My mother has three cats (8yrs, 2yrs, 1yr) and a black cockatoo (4yrs). When I finished uni and went on break, she asked me to move back home and, instead of paying rent, to help out with the animals and housework. This specifically meant entire responsibility over the cats, but not the bird. I was happy to move back in (I love these cats to death). However, a few weeks after I moved in I noticed some oddities with their feeding schedule.
I was told the bird picks at food throughout the day and comes in at night, so only needs a bowl of food in the morning (a mix of fresh nuts, fruit, veggies). This is the specific diet for this bird: bc he was born with a calcium deficiency (broken wing/foot and twisted spine), he NEEDS the nutrients from these food groups to keep his bones strong. But he doesn't eat during the day...
Bc mother feeds him HUMAN FOOD at night. She feeds him anything she's eating (bread and butter, baked beans, noodles, bacon, chips, etc.) and there is a bowl of sunflower seeds sitting on the bench for him to eat at any time. He shouldn't be eating sunflower seeds all the time bc of his calcium deficiency. They're ok as a treat, but all the time? I brought this up and she said "oh, stop it! They're just sunflower seeds!" Which annoys me, bc SHE told ME not to feed him sunflower seeds. Bit contradictory, don't you think?
Also, he EATS AT THE TABLE WITH US! No shit! When we're eating dinner, he is ON THE TABLE walking around EATING OFF EVERYONE'S PLATE! Mashed potatoes, steak, egg, nachos... you name it. I always tell her that I don't want to eat at the table with him, and she just calls me mean. Mean? It's a BIRD, FFS! He doesn't like eating what he's meant to eat during the day, so he just waits until 5pm when he's brought in so he can get WHATEVER HE WANTS. I've told her plenty of times that she's gotta stop letting him sit at the dinner table, but she just says, "What do YOU know? I can feed him what I want!"
This is also an issue with the cats. Our male cat is ALWAYS hungry. He is always eating food and it gets to a point where he starts eating the other cats' food. So when it comes to feeding time we have to physically prevent him from eating all the food (btw he is given more food than the other two). I was instructed by my mother to feed them a pack of mince at 5pm and then put a double dish of food out at 7pm so they can eat through the night.
Mother comes home from lunch and feeds them a pack of mince. I said to her, "they'll get mince tonight, so why are you feeding them now?" And she said, "But they wait for me to come home so they can eat lunch with me!" Um, what? So you've been feeding them at lunch too? Sometimes the youngest cat doesn't eat at lunch and she gets angry at her, but I'm here like "Don't overfeed her, bc it's obvious she's not hungry!" Again, I'm blown off by mother.
So, she feeds them once at lunch and twice at night. What was the straw that broke the camel's back? Woke up early one morning (she leaves at 7am), walk into the kitchen and SHE'S FEEDING THEM MORE MINCE!!!
I was ROPABLE! I couldn't believe she was feeding them AGAIN! Now I know WHY the male cat is always thinking about food - bc he gets fed FOUR LARGE MEALS a day! That's more than I eat in a day. He gets three lots of mince a day and sometimes he gets a slab of it all to himself!
When she came home that day I tried to have a serious conversation about her overfeeding the animals. I told her that if she keeps overfeeding them they'll get overweight, especially our boy. I also told her that the cockatoo needs to stop eating what we eat and solely eat his fresh food. She got defensive and talked down at me like I was five again. She basically told me that I don't know anything, that I'm always on her case and need to mind my own business. Her house, her rules.
I took the male cat to the vet to check his weight. Vet said that although he's not overweight, he is getting very close to being so and that if he doesn't stop eating as much as he does, he WILL be overweight and it'll be hard for him to get out of his eating habits. He said it will be near impossible if he's being fed at the same time as the other cats bc he'll be thinking about eating their food more than his own. Vet recommended different feeding times for the cats.
This didn't go down well with mother. She called it bullshit and a waste of time. She also said I'm full of shit and need to learn to zip it. Her house, her rules... I told her if you're just gonna keep doing this then they won't be my responsibility anymore, and walked off.
AITA for nagging her about this? Am I overstepping a boundary? She's not abusing them - they are very loved - but she is overfeeding them and she instructed me to take responsibility over them. I don't want this to go bad and have her turn this all on me and say it's my fault. Also, our agreement was that I took care of them in exchange for having a place to stay, so I feel bad that I am shrugging off this responsibility bc it didn't go my way. Sometimes I think she thinks the overfeeding thing is funny, bc she always laughs about feeding them lots. I thought it was funny the first time, but now that I know how much she's feeding them I'm not laughing.
Lmk what everyone thinks.
Tl;dr Move home to help mother with pets and found out she overfeeds them (4+ times a day), but every time I say anything I'm told it's not my place to speak out.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
nad8z00VtDnV6NtYOi8mlMneKImAvYBM
|
aqyk03
|
{
"description": "not wanting to speak to my mom",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to speak to my mom?
|
Tl;Dr - my moms new husband called my dad and 15 year old brother sand n*****s and I havent spoken to my mom since..
Long story, but days before Thanksgiving this year my dad had my brother for the weekend (my mom sent him to boarding school without my dads permission while my dad was doing business in the middle east.) Well, it was time for my brother to go back to school so my mother and her husband "bob" went to pick him up. It's a 30 minute drive for them and they arrived some time around 9am on a Sunday. My brother wasn't ready cause he takes forever so instead of calling him Bob decided to lay on his horn. My dad just moved into this beautiful development and didnt want to disturb his neighbors on a sunday morning so he went outside, asking Bob what the hell his problem is and that's not how he gets his son attention.
This turns into a vocal fight between the two while Bob hides in his truck with my mother sitting passenger, he had his window down enough he could shout at my father. Meanwhile my brother is freaking out (its suspected he has anxiety disorder so he doesn't handle altercations well) calling me while I'm at work so I'm listening to the yelling go down while trying to calm my brother down. My father finally had enough and told my mom and Bob that they will not be getting my brother that day, they can pick him up from boarding school so no more contact would happen between the two. As my dad grabs my brother by the shoulder to take him in, Bob screams out that they are just dirty sand n*****s, and speeds off.
I messaged my mother asking what the hell happened and she told me she didnt want to talk about it over text messages, so we meet up and talk with my brother. He tells me every detail while my mother sits there denying everything that happened not knowing I was on the phone listening to everything. We finally agreed that my brother and I will not be coming around Bob anymore and that we will just have to have monthly dinners with my mom. I then texted my grandmother and let her know my boyfriend, brother and I will not be coming to Thanksgiving since Bob will definitely be there.
(Word for word : "Hey Gram, unfortunately due to an incident that happened with my mother and Bob, we will not be coming to Thanksgiving this year, sending my love ❤" she responded by saying she hopes I wont be going to my fathers Thanksgiving since hes mostly to blame??? I dont see how..)
We went to my dads Thanksgiving and had a great time and took a family portrait (it was our second Thanksgiving with our father so he wanted a picture with all of my siblings). I posted it on Facebook with a heart caption and my mom messaged me that I posted it to rub it in her face that my dad has all of us and she doesnt want to speak to me ever again, that I betrayed her and I'm brainwashed by my dad. We haven't spoken since, and I dont want to speak to her but I feel so guilty... i love my mom but everyone around me says she fucked up and all I did was defend my brother. She didnt say the n word but she definitely defended Bob for saying it..
Since then my dad has gotten full custody, put my brother in the school down the road from him and all in all my brother is very happy, he is very family oriented and being away from all of us hurt him incredibly. Hes happy, getting good grades and I dont think he thinks much about it (hopefully) but I'm just so hurt and confused..
(Also a little back story, my mom met Bob on tindr and they got married 6 months later. He's white, Republican and very sexist/racist. He served in the military for a while and is a veteran. My dad is Arab, he moved to this country to start a family. My parents were married for 20 some years but got a divorce in 2014-15. It was just a very toxic relationship and I'm happy they separated. I wanted the divorce to happen long ago, if that makes sense.)
So AITA for not wanting to speak to her again? I feel so broken, I never thought I would go without my mom, I love her so much but she clearly made her choice. Should I reach out to her? I'm just not sure reddit... I have yet to open up to my therapist about all of this. I've been a wreck for months..
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
OJWmuHqneHbDrPE19lEh3vh3yhUGIa5k
|
ab2wua
|
{
"description": "not wanting kids because I want to retire early and enjoy my life without having to worry about extra expenses",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA if I don’t want kids because I want to retire early and enjoy my life without having to worry about extra expenses?
|
I’m a 1 of 2 boys and I’m 30. My brother 28 found out he can’t have kids. My parents aren’t really urging me to have kids but always ask me if I plan on proposing to my girlfriend of 1.5 years. (I plan to this upcoming year). They’re lovely parents and I know they want grandchildren. It’ll make them so happy.
But I just don’t want kids. I love kids and I love teaching (currently my profession) and I think I’d make a great dad but I also love myself and feel like it would really deteriorate my quality of life.
For context, I’m a first generation immigrant. My parents raised me only knowing Spanish and in low income household in the projects. Even now they’re pretty poor and don’t really have any retirement funds (I’m secretly putting 5K into a money market account every year just for them for when they retire).
Now that I have money and have worked so hard as they have inspired me to do so, I just want to enjoy myself and am too afraid I won’t be able to. I want to be able to retire early. I want to live stress free without kids. I don’t want to be scraping for money because of them.
I haven’t discussed this viewpoint with my gf. And I think I should. But am I the asshole for not wanting kids because I want to enjoy my own life without worrying about my income?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
ZqQF9HYh3jvGLRf4zolzRsa0anZhscp7
|
b5j9ht
|
{
"description": "giving my friend advice on how to raise his dog",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for giving my friend advice on how to raise his dog?
|
My friend was complaining to me about how his dog pees all over his house and says he punishes his dog by rubbing his nose in it and putting him in a crate for hours for a “time out”. I told him that it was inhumane to do that and if you want results you need to constantly watch him and take him out regularly to avoid this issue and just clean it up and move on. He immediately got offended because “he’s raised many dogs and says it’s nothing he hasn’t heard before”. I could care less what he had to say I was just concerned about the dog, I know he’s going to raise him however he wants to raise him and probably not listen to me but I tried my best for the dogs sake.
AITA for telling him how to raise is dog?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
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ozlaVoA7M87cooJUr1lRRYpIIwPHYsGp
|
a00ijc
|
{
"description": "oversleeping on Thanksgiving & the ensuing shit-storm",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for Oversleeping on Thanksgiving & the ensuing shit-storm?
|
To begin this Ill give a little backstory; I (19M) just recently (<1 month ago) moved into my first apartment with my other half. Younger brother rents other unit upstairs. Before this for about a year or so, I was living with her and her folks because my father and stepmom ended up giving me the boot over defending my younger brother from the elders attempts to steal cash, pot, among other things from him.
Flash to current time, on thanksgiving I ended up sleeping until about 4:00 PM (yeah, very late I know) but my past 2-3 months have been nothing but OT, lining things up for the move, and the actual act of. Attempt to get ahold of parents to meet at my grandmothers place and just get a text response saying “We already left”. I hang low for the rest of the day.
Flash to today, bitter cold outside (single digits with wind chill) going into my retail job on Black
Friday, brother gets a flat on his way to work, me and other half go pick him up, she gets him to work on time and I limp the car home (was only around the corner) and head to work. I arrive there, couple minutes late but easily forgiven, and see a large list of screenshots of texts my mothers sent to my girly, all along the lines of “Ungrateful, selfish, couldn’t spare 15 minutes to put a new wheel on ... “ There was 5-6 messages to her, girlfriend has no clue how or what to respond with, so I went ahead and texted her something along the lines of “if you have something to say to me say it to me and don’t make someone else play telephone” topped off with “expecting a lot from a kid you not too long ago disposed of”
So Reddit... AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
GKGvTpZQyqYvFREZWtrS3Vubo6aMeK1O
|
auk7aw
|
{
"description": "kissing a lesbian",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for kissing a lesbian?
|
Okay, so a bit of background story first:
I am friends with these 2 girls who are/were in a relationship. One of them recently decided that she wants an open relationship because it wasn‘t working out that well back then. So she, having a bit of a broken heart, contacted me and my best friend and asked us if we wanted to go grab a drink with her. We agreed.
She got pretty drunk later on and, since she always had a bit of a thing for me (a friend of her told me) she just went on to kiss me. Now, I saw that as just a friendly kiss between two drunk friends, which it basically was, she thought of it the same way.
Now all of a sudden the other one wants to get back together and is super pissed at me for kissing her, even though she was the one who wanted an open relationship
She doesn‘t talk to me anymore and I don‘t know what to do. Her friends (whom I see very often) always shit on me for being such an asshole.
TL;DR : A friend, who is in an open relationship, kissed me while being drunk (both) and now her partner and friends give me shit for letting her do that. They are now back in a closed relationship.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
FKM96ul92xdApzQjrK61lF7PvKEJW7pJ
|
b4vq3r
|
{
"description": "not paying half the costs",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not paying half the costs?
|
(No native speaker, sorry!)
Me and 2 other guys work on a hobby project of ours. We do it for fun, but are trying to be a little more professional on the long run, so this weekend we decided to go to the biggest fair in our country to network a bit.
One of the guys just moved to the city it is in, we other two had to drive across the country to participate and shared the ride. I took my bf cause I'm disabled and needed his assistance, so we wanted to split the gas threeways and would stay at our other friends house for the nights to keep the costs low. On top my bf had to pay for the entrance of three days, we bought the tickets online before.
We arrived there, had a nice day and in the evening went to our friends house to relax a bit, but the guy we came with already seemed tense and in a bad mood by that point. Half way through the night he took me and my bf aside and asked, if we could drive home, there was an emergency at home he had to attend to.
Obviously we weren't thrilled, but as he claimed it was important we told him we could leave asap.
We packed our stuff and left an hour later in the middle of the night, leaving a disappointed host, who had set up a lot for us to be comfortable (also he has a gf with social anxiety who overcame quite a lot of accepting us in her home).
He speeded home over 6 hours straight, we all were tired (hadn't slept since Thursday morning cause I was so excited for the fair and we had to leave very early) and I tried keeping him awake cause his driving style just was insanely dangerous and I wanted to at least keep an eye on him.
We arrived home at 6 in the morning, all mentally and physically finished and went to bed straight away, deciding to talk about the financial point later.
Yesterday evening he contacted me and asked for the money. The way back nearly had been double the cost of the way there, cause he speeded that much and he told us the outcome and our part of it. I agreed on the sum and asked him, if everything was alright at home and what happened when he arrived.
And as he told me what all this was for I lost it.
His girlfriend (19 y/o, we're all 26 and aren't the most fondest of their relationship cause it's always trouble) wanted him home, cause they spent way not enough time in her opinion and she wanted him home right away or she'd leave him (she knew what we were doing at the fair and that we were with him).
I asked him, if he was serious, because he talked about a family emergency and I thought of someone who might have been in hospital or something of that kind, but nope - just her being a B' and him being a pushover.
I told him under these circumstances I wouldn't pay a cent more than the way there and max. the same amount for the way back, not the extra money for his speeding or anything else. We already sat on the Online-Tickets we bought and couldn't use and the whole weekend was ruined for this.
So: AITA in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
jpeVBUA5SdwDc0fLIgEQUxgZWBd3oXVq
|
a2ife4
|
{
"description": "not letting my friend use my equipment",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting my friend use my equipment?
|
I'm a professional DJ and my friend who is also a DJ is performing at a music festival the beginning of next year.
I have a DJ setup at my home that I use and often let people come over to practice because the equipment is expensive, so many performers don't own it.
My friend called me and asked if she could come over to practice on my setup at my apartment the last week of December because her show is the week after. However, I told her that's not possible because I'll be back at my parents the end of the month. My roommate will also not be home either so nobody will be home while she's at my place.
Back when I lived on my own, I used to let her come to my apartment while I wasn't home because it was just me - and I'm okay with it. However, because there's another person living with me now, I don't think its fair for him for my friend to be over when it's his space as well. She wants me to ask him, but I don't feel comfortable doing that because I don't want to put my roommate and I in a weird position. I tell her I don't want to ask him.
She says in a sarcastic tone "Thanks for having a helpful attitude," and I told her that she's being rude and entitled so I hang up the call.
She texts me afterward by saying that I'm not being a good friend because I refuse to go out of my way to ask my roommate in order to help her or provide her alternative suggestions. I tell her she's being entitled because I feel uncomfortable and she's not getting her way.
&#x200B;
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
0Q0OsNUs1M7eHMoIpET3KhYcZh3PHKIW
|
a8nnsu
|
{
"description": "not caring that my friend is failing college",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For not caring that my friend is failing college?
|
Me and some of my friends started this early college program so we're all around 16 and taking highschool classes alongside college classes. We were all doing well at the beginning of the semester until one of my friends and her family went on a cruise for a week in the middle of the year. When she got back she missed a big chunk of assignments for most of her classes. Me and the rest of the group tried to help her get caught up but once we stopped helping so we could work on our own stuff, she would just fuss about failing her classes while hangin with her friends in between classes. I even tried just giving her the answers to math. One day she just point blank just said she had a paper due for her next class and asked if she was gonna do it she said no. Now she's saying she failed and has to pay for the class now. She doesn't talk to us anymore and my other friends feel bad for her but I don't. I don't want her to fail but I feel no remorse for it. Is that bad? Everybody else is sorry for her except me.
TL:DR: Friend is failing her classes and people are sorry for her except me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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}
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RIGHT
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9V9BCGcRIwnSTMgPYVVHcdqLXLguCazS
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avrc4a
|
{
"description": "being annoyed at my boyfriend constantly asking about his hair",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being annoyed at my boyfriend constantly asking about his hair?
|
Boyfriend and I have been dating for a couple years. His hair has gotten thinner over the years but absolutely nowhere near bald. Since the start of the relationship he has not stopped worrying about his hair. It \*\*absolutely\*\* consumes him. I fully respect this as an insecurity of his and have bought him Viviscal, I do his hair on nights out to look thicker, suggested shampoos and researched thinning treatments, I tell him that I don't care if he goes bald and that I'll love him whatever happens (obviously it's not exactly about what I think, moreso that he is just upset at his hair thinning).
&#x200B;
I kept up the sympathy for years until recently, so lately we'll have a heated discussion about how I can't keep up with the persistent questions about his hair that I have answered a million times before. "Does it look thin?", "Does it look thinner than last week?". I feel like an asshole for being annoyed at it but it feels like 1.) I'm trying to help and it's not going anywhere and 2.) It sucks that his hair is thinning but I have a "fuck it" philosophy. If it's not something you can control then there's no point worrying about it. Not that he can just decide to think the same way that I do but I truly believe that's probably the healthiest way to deal with it. In all honesty, I'm just upset that it bothers him so much.
&#x200B;
So am I right in thinking I'm being a bit of an asshole? Do I just put up with it and hide my annoyance?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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NOBODY
|
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RIGHT
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ad5c59
|
{
"description": "not accepting a last minute invite to a wedding with my new gf",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not accepting a last minute invite to a wedding with my new gf?
|
This happened yesterday, and we have just 4 weeks since we first met, she officially isn't my gf but we have been dating and we're in a point that is just a matter of days until it's official .
So we didn't had any plans for yesterday night (Saturday) I only knew she had a wedding to go she mentioned that during a date.
So I made my own plans , I invited my friends to my house to see the NFL playoffs.
Everything stayed the same until 6 pm , my friends arrived the game was about to begin and she calls me , she said she got 1 place for me at the wedding that I could go, this got me 100% off guard , I asked where it was , it was a 1 hr and a half drive to the place and a special dress code also my friends were already here, so after thinking about it I declined the offer and she got really pissed and she hasn't responded any message since then .
I'm I the asshole ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
ao8b3e
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{
"description": "backing out of an agreement to go to church",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for backing out of an agreement to go to church?
|
New user here, sorry if I'm doing anything wrong.
A bit of info before I jump in, I'm seventeen, non-religious (was raised that way), but because my extended family members are religious, and because I attended a semi-private Catholic school for ten years, I don't really mind going to church, though really I'd rather not go at all.
About two weeks ago I got approached by two women while I was walking home. They came to me and asked me to do a survey, and I agreed, mostly out of panic and having no guts to say no. It was then that I realised I had been approached by two women from a church. These women preach for a bit about their church, their volunteer work, and how they'd like to invite me to their church to learn more about their faith. At this point in time ANY smart person who wasn't interested would just say no, but let's recall, I have no guts. After shooting down all my excuses and pointing out all the dates I could go, I just cave to them and pick a random date.
The day nears, and one of the women who I had given my number to messages me about coming with her to the church, to which I ask for a reschedule because I didn't really feel like going to church. At the same time I ask her for more information about her church, and she gives me their website. I then ask my religious friends to join me, and they agree, so I give them information on the church, tell them the date, and thank them. When they message me back, they basically say something along the lines of "hey this looks like a cult".
To give some info about the church, it was set up in South Korea in the 1960s, believe in a "God the Mother", and a UK branch had received the Queen's award for volunteer service a few years ago.
I immediately get concerned, do a bit of searching, and find some nasty stuff of them from other countries, but nothing from mine, so I decided to ask about it. I ask the woman if the church was a cult, and she responded that her church wasn't a cult because they had gotten the Queen's award. She also argued that I shouldn't trust articles about them online because they could be false, and that other churches were spreading rumours about them because they were jealous about their larger membership. She also said that I should come down to her church to learn for myself, something that I wasn't comfortable with anymore because I felt that their argument didn't answer my initial question, so I backed out and apologised.
Today is Thursday, the day I rescheduled and therefore should have gone to the church had I not backed down. I've been doing a bit of thinking about it, and I feel kinda bad for making that agreement with those women. A part of me keeps telling me that I wasted their time and that I should have just given them a chance, that I should have just humoured them. When I look through my messages my last apology to them is still there and I keep feeling really shitty about it, like I could have done things more amicably, or avoided the whole thing altogether, that the women were really nice and I betrayed them in someway, especially when I asked about their church being a cult and everything. What if it really wasn't a cult? What if I was wrong and had massively offended them?
Was I an asshole for not going to this church, even though I had already agreed?
**TL;DR got invited to a church on the street, and I agreed because I was spineless, but I was eventually warned not to go because the church seemed to be a cult, and ended up backing out, hence breaking the agreement.**
|
HISTORICAL
|
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RIGHT
|
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{
"description": "humiliating my best friend in front of a group of friends as payback",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for humiliating my best friend in front of a group of friends as payback?
|
I have a long time friend who is a very shy loner and who I was his only friend. Beacause of that I have been bringing him around and or introducing him to my other friends and helping him break out of his shell in a way. We had gotten very into doing LAN parties at our apartments with said group of friends who we also play online with. This is where the issue really began because, for some odd reason everytime we got the group together (especially in person) to do an activity he always seamed to try and bully me. He would often make jokes at my expense, which i can deal with, and if we were playing a game he would grief me even if we were on the same team, that might all be fine but he would also often try to get the rest of the group to join in too, sometimes they would but they would stop when i was annoyed, he would not. For example he would friendly fire me and knock me out of the round and then insult me and try to egg the group on to grief or insult me he would do it over and over round after round basicly not allowing me to play until he got bored of it. I just took it for a while but after a few times I started calling him on it in private. He told me he did realize he would "act out" in front of groups of people to try and get them to like him, but that he didnt mean it and would work to avoid it. It didnt stop he kept doing it to the point where i would just stop playing games with him or just not go to the lan party. This is where i think i might have been an asshole because I had decided to play a game with him and our group although this time we were playing online. Well as soon as he began to try and grief me by shooting at me, I imediately grabbed a gun for my self and downed him, I then pretended to revive him until his time ran out. I then called him out in front of all our friends for being a child and trying to grief me to get a laugh with my other friends, they all agreed with me, and I proceeded to draw the game out as long as possible so he could not play. I did this every time he tried to play with us to the point he just logged off without a word. Am I an asshole for this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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{
"description": "being mad at my future stepmom not letting me use her and my dads bathroom when I had a broken foot",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being mad at my future stepmom not letting me use her and my dads bathroom when I had a broken foot?
|
This happened years ago but I still have no idea if I was the asshole back then.
When I was in the 5th grade I broke my foot during my sport. I had a boot and crutches and couldn't walk very well. My future stepmom at the time (they broke up.) and my dad moved into a house together. My bedroom was upstairs and across the hall from theirs. and my Brother and stepbrothers bedrooms were downstairs. Mine and theirs bathroom was downstairs. The first day I was at the house with a broken foot I asked my stepmom if I could use her and my dads shower so I wouldn't have to crutch up and down the stairs in a towel and would be a lot easier for me. She told me no and, that is was her shower and I have to use the one downstairs. I was really mad at that but it is her shower and she helped with the rent so still to this day I wonder if I was an Asshole for being mad that I wasn't allowed to use her and my dads shower?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
ascksn
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my gf",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my gf?
|
I am 36M and she is 30F. We are dating in an exclusive relationship for 4 months and 3 weeks ago she spent 3 nights with her ex-bf different beds in same bedroom.
She asked me if I was OK if she met with him, but she did not tell me that they were staying in the same room in a hotel. There are a lot of trust issues, even when she guarantees that anything sexual happened.
She said that she was innocent thinking that she could be friend with her ex-bf. She regrets now, but she went over all my boundaries.
I broke with her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
QlL147l9YsdmuhTB24ZkLb2eLDk1Us5X
|
adys9a
|
{
"description": "not wanting to share my travel points with my friends",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to share my travel points with my friends?
|
So my 4 friends and I were planning a multi-country trip to Europe for 2 weeks in June. I thought it would be a good idea for all of us to sign up for the Chase Sapphire Preferred Card for the sign up bonus since well have plenty of time before we actually go on our trip. The signup bonus is if you spend $4,000 in the first 3 months and receive 50,000 pts which is roughly $500-$625. They kind of shrugged it off like it was nothing and I ended up being the only one that signed up and was planning on buying visa gift cards over the span of the next 3 months to hit $4,000 spent. But instead we used my new credit card to pay for the plane tickets since we bought it as a bundle of 5 and it came out to $3942. So basically i hit my mark. Then the next day we were talking about the trip and one of my friends said oh we can use the points you got towards all our train tickets and my other friends agreed. Then I said no because those are my points. I told them from the beginning they could sign up for this deal and they all just ignored me. Then they said how I was shady and greedy for not wanting to share the travel points and that it's because of their collective effort that I was able to obtain the points in the first place. But I mentioned that I could've just bought visa gift cards which was my original plan and they just kept saying that I was sketchy. Then one of them said if you're really going to be this greedy then just refund the tickets and I'll buy mine on my own. So I refunded the tickets and decided that I didn't want to spend 2 weeks in a foreign country with these guys if they were really going to be this petty.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
asgqjb
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{
"description": "not sharing stuff with my mom",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not sharing stuff with my mom?
|
Working hard to meet the character limit, so excuse the concision in this complicated matter.
&#x200B;
The issue: whenever anything meaningful to me happens in my life, I choose to not mention it to my mom at all. Since quite some time she doesn't get to know what brought or brings me happiness or sadness, nor does she know what I am doing or plan to do in my life. Same with my interests. We still live together so we have contact, but it's skin-deep. Whenever she asks me about anything about me she receives bland answers, like "it's okay" or "I was with friends". I'm 25, by the way.
&#x200B;
Why would I not be the asshole:
\- For as long as I remember, I was mom's trophy - a Gifted Kid (tm) she could brag about to her friends and siblings. She seemed to care more about my results than me as a person, and having a B in a streak of A's was something she always responded to with questioning and disapproval. That likely contributed to my self-esteem and motivation issues.
\- I got burned several times when opening myself up to her. At best she would not be able to offer any kind of empathy or advice, at worst she would joke about or underplay my issues and concerns. For example, after my now-ex gf (4 years together) broke up with me (devastating for me), her concerns were mostly about why that happened (sheer curiosity) rather than how I felt about it (empathy). Might sound petty, but that kind of attitude over long time does leave a mark.
\-She always scoffed at my interests, without even trying to understand them. Anything I liked was "that weird thing he likes".
&#x200B;
Why I could be the asshole:
\- It's my mom. She gave birth to me, she cares for me. It's not right to just cut her off like that.
\- She grew up with 5 sisters as the youngest one, on the countryside. I, on the other hand, am an only child from a bigger town, so we have been brought up differently.
\- She's far from a bad person. She's helpful, takes care of people when she knows how. She never really means bad.
\- I had a really stress-less life thanks to my parents (getting tons of financial support, no pathologies, not too controlling), so maybe I'm just a spoiled, ungrateful shit
\- All of the bad symptoms are lessened now and I feel like mom's trying a bit more to connect with me.
\-I was a really quiet child. Got me lots of praise at some points in my life, but it also resulted in her assuming everything was okay with me and only reacted when something bad started to happen (e.g worse grades). That said, self-reflection tells me I was just kind of unresponsive, so it's on me that I didn't communicate my feelings properly.
\-Finally, she's only a human. Focusing on stuff she in my opinion got wrong is unfair to her.
&#x200B;
I'm really conflicted about all of this. It's a constant fight between what was, what is, what should have been, wondering if I got attitude problems, when does her responsibility for my life end and when does mine start.
&#x200B;
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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RIGHT
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EuR7QNiw8aUaOxSoB2wn34z4ANU1d3a9
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a9j2v4
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{
"description": "blocking my mother's internet access to online bingos",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for blocking my mother's internet access to online bingos?
|
I live with my mother, she's not tech savvy but knows enough to use a browser and pay online.
I pay for the internet and give her a small rent.
She doesn't work and there's always been constant financial problems, we've had our electricity cut off because she couldn't pay the bills more than once in the past.
**Some backstory:**
Last year my mother received inheritance money and started playing bingos online. She acted suspicious when I was nearby so I investigated her computer and found her bank transaction logs. She played on online bingos from morning to midnight on most days.
It came close to $1000 in less than a month. Without the inheritance money that's more than what we live on a month. I didn't want her to keep throwing money out of the window so I blocked the website on her PC but she found other websites to play on.
We had a few fights during this time. When I tried to have a discussion with her about playing online she said she had it under control and was only playing $20 now and then.
Obviously I knew she was lying, but couldn't prove it without admitting to entering her bank account.
Eventually it started to take away at my mental health so I gave up. She must have gotten bored of playing or ran out of money because she stopped playing. It came up to something like $3000 in 3 months, and that's a lot of money for us.
**Back to today**:
This December I saw her playing on bingos again, same suspicious behavior, minimizing the windows whenever I was nearby. It's happening again, a quick look at her history and there's over $200 gone in just a few days.
I didn't want a repeat of the past year so I quickly blocked all the websites she went on in our home network in a way that doesn't tell they're blocked and made up a believable story for why it's not working.
She called the customer support of the website she's been playing on and our ISP and of course they couldn't solve the problem and made her even more frustrated.
I thought she would just give up and find something else to do but it doesn't seem that way.
She's lonely and depressed and since finding out that the "problem" is restricted to our home network she's even started going outside in the cold just to play online bingos on her phone.
Am I the asshole for blocking her from playing online and pretending to not know why she can't play?
She's been lying to me too about how much she plays. Even borrowed her some money this month then found out she's been playing online and she says she can't pay me back until next month.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
rQViSSvgpqkG0nJ2SWE3inWt0aEnPze8
|
am7hzm
|
{
"description": "locking my grandfather's wife out of the hospital room/refused to allow her to attend his funeral",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for locking my grandfather's wife out of the hospital room/refused to allow her to attend his funeral
|
TL;DR on the bottom
Okay so some backstory:
My grandpa was a Vietnam war veteran. He had severe PTSD, which led him to not trust the government. This also led him to not trust doctors and other professionals. His wife took advantage of that. She was incredibly horrible to our family, and horrible to my grandfather. She manipulated him into buying things for her, and she did many horrible things to him and our family. She held a huge banquet to help him with heart surgery, and with all the money that was raised, barely any of it went to his surgery, and went to a new truck and new expensive clothes(from what I was told).
Around October of 2017, he was bedridden. His wife had to take care of him. Thing is, she neglected him and lied to visiting nurses. She would leave the house and leave him alone, starve and dehydrate him, and once tried to cut off his oxygen supply. We've recieved bank statements of her using HIS money for gambling, personal shopping of womens clothes, and etc. Eventually, around the end of January, he was hospitalized due to some incident. The wife never told us what happened, but we assume she sent him there to take money from his account because he was close to dying.
My mom and I decided to visit, I couldn't even recognize my own grandfather due to the poor state he was in. She had shaved his bear and hair off. She was in there, yapping her mouth about about how much hard work she has done (thing is we live right next to her, we constantly saw he leave and be gone for several hours. She didnt have a job, since she was living off the money my grandpa recieved).
Seeing her pissed me off so much... Eventually, they decided to cut him off life support. They knew he wouldnt get better, and that he would die. Our family was heart broken, but we knew it was for the best.
We took him off, and immediately the wife began to kiss and hug him. My grandfather was constantly struggling to respond to us. Her doing that made him completely stressed out. She eventually left.
A few hours pass and her car is still in the parking lot. We get a call from my grandma(grandma and my grandfather divorced a long time ago). She told us she heard from the wife that he had DIED.
He was still alive... Apparently, the wife told EVERYONE that hadnt gone to the hospital to visit my grandfather that he died.
The attending family was in shock. I talked to my mom and she went to the front desk about it. She apparently explained the situation to them, and they gave us the "okay" to have security escort her out of the hospital if she attempted to come back in.
Not twenty minutes pass and here comes the wife.
My mom and I immediately shut and locked the door.
She began to scream and pound at the door window to let her in.
My mom shook her head as I locked the door.
Security came in and took her away and told her not to come back...
We soon found out she took all the money from one of his bank accounts after that.
After 24 hours. My grandpa peacefully passed away. It was hard, incredibly hard. He may have done bad things in his life, but he was a wonderful person.
A few days later we held a small funeral. We had to close the casket due to my grandfather's face being heavily distorted because of what the wife had done.
My aunt told her to not attend the funeral, and of she did they would call the police(this was what I was told, I have no idea how that would work out.)
She ended up coming, but staying in her truck the entire time.
She followed us to the grave site and stalked us.
The wife considers us the horrible people, and claim that we were the ones that allowed him to die like this.
So am I the asshole for refusing to let my grandfathers wife into the hospital room, and refusing to allow her to attend his funeral?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
P7JJwsgA7wzxwD3uxPaU5YPtVT4D7K2s
|
aetkr0
|
{
"description": "ghosting my weed dealer",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for ghosting my weed dealer?
|
I have not purchased from him for the last 6-7 months. I did become friendly with him when I used to buy from him. But our relationship was strictly professional, I paid for exactly what I bought, but on occasions I would pay him in advance and on other occasions I would pay him later.
He called me out of nowhere after 6-7 months, said that he and his dad were arrested, he said he's out but his dad is still locked up and that he needs money to post bail.
The money required is around 10% of my monthly salary. Its around 150 bucks in US dollars. It might feel small to some, but as someone who is living paycheck to paycheck, it is not a small amount for me, but it isn't something I can't manage either. Although he promises to return it, I do not know if I trust him. I don't know if I even trust his story.
I have been ghosting him, but I feel kinda guilty not helping him out if he's really in need. AITA here for not wanting to get involved in this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
xuxK5xvNzsGL4WNcjvUl5eDau1hEDoze
|
afq1m5
|
{
"description": "skipping my two-person department's big event two years in a row",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for skipping my two-person department’s big event two years in a row?
|
I will try to stick to the basics in bold and then detail what the hell I’m talking about.
**1. The teacher I assist is the nicest person ever and we are friends. **
I am a TA at an elementary school. I work with one PE teacher 90% of the time and assist on other areas of the campus around 10% of the time. I help this PE teacher with all her classes and because we spend so much time together as the only two adults in the room, and the “organized chaos” nature of elementary PE classes, we talk a lot all day and over the last couple years, we have become friends. We text outside of school hours, bring junk food to share, and give each other gifts for holidays and birthdays. We occasionally hang out outside of work. She is one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met, and is *very* good to me as a TA - other TAs complain about their cooperating teachers berating them, undermining their authority in front of students, etc. Mine literally brings me Starbucks after I have a bad day, texts me how
much she appreciates me when I have to cover her classes, brings me my favorite candy whenever she goes to Buc-ee’s, etc. I think our friendship is making me overthink this.
**2. Field day is her one big school-wide event and it is a tough event to put on.**
The first year I worked this job, I helped with field day a lot. She holds it over the span of two days, and it’s a pretty involved format. The scope of my help was to assist with about 30% of the planning and to monitor/run errands in and out of the building all day during the event. I also took photos for the yearbook. This teacher puts a TON of work into making this event fun and organized for our (title I) students. She and I are the extent of our school’s PE department, and this is the department’s big event.
**3. I want to skip her field day event for a hobby convention.**
Last year my grandma convinced me to go to this huge international convention for the hobby that we share. After we booked the tickets, I realized that the Thursday and Friday I’d need to take off were the dates of her field day. I sheepishly told PE teacher that I’d made a mistake and I’d be gone during the event, but I’d still help with all the planning and prep. The other specials teachers helped her and nothing went wrong. It was a success. She was a little salty to me the week after the event but she tried not to show it.
And I had the absolute time of my life at the convention. My mom and my other grandma ended up driving to the same city to see us, and a ton of my friends from the hobby were there, so I got to see some of my favorite people and meet a ton more. I talked about my hobby with people who understand the obsession and geeked out with me. I felt like a kid in a candy store. That weekend is one of my happiest memories. I’ve been to similar conventions over the years and nothing compares to this one.
**4. AITA if I skip field day for this convention?
My grandma assumed we would go again this year and booked the hotel for the whole convention (thurs-sun) this spring. I’m supposed to book the flights. I went to book and saw that the event falls on field day again. Cue me realizing I’d be a dick for skipping my department’s main event two years in a row. It is unquestionable that part of my job is to help with the event. I always do a ton of planning and organizing with the PE teacher before the event, though. I haven’t said anything to her yet - the dates are in April.
I don’t want to let my friend down, but I don’t feel I owe my employers anything. Her kindness is one of the reasons why I’ve stayed at this job so long because there are other things that would otherwise have driven me to quit by now. However, she’s not my direct supervisor, she’s a colleague that gives me tasks and contributes to my appraisals. It’s a very tiny distinction, so input from teachers who work with TAs is very welcome!! She doesn’t approve my time off requests.
I don’t want to miss this convention. I don’t have a lot to look forward to right now and it will be so fun. I’m so torn that I’m actually considering quitting this job so I don’t have to tell my teacher friend that I made the same goof two years in a row. I’ve been wanting to find something new for like a year anyway.
Sorry this is long. I know I’m overthinking this so help me out. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
MckBLwB4V9m5qoffHyUrGB9HcX8s8zVB
|
b1c3a2
|
{
"description": "wanting to kick a guy out of the friend group",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to kick a guy out of the friend group?
|
sorry if the formatting is weird or anything, this is my first post and i’m not really sure how reddit works yet!!
some backstory-
im in one of the “gay groups” at my school where a bunch of kids kind of drifted together because we’re all like “gay? gay. cool.” and kind of found a home with each other. it’s really cool and fun and they’re all great people! however, there’s this one kid.
i’ve known him for about 3-4 years now, and although he’s been in my friend groups before, i’ve never really considered him my friend. we have nothing in common except we like some of the same movies and shows (although that’s not saying much, as it’s mostly marvel and near everyone likes that), and he’s always made me kind of uncomfortable with the way he looks/acts around me.
he tagged along with me and joined the new little gay group, but again he has nothing in common with us. he doesn’t contribute to our conversations because he doesn’t like the same stuff as us, and usually just stares at us while we talk. i always thought he should find people he has common interests with, but i don’t want to mention it for fear of him getting mad at me. he’s straight/cis, but that’s not the problem for us.
i recently discovered that he’s making everyone in the group uncomfortable, mostly based on how he acts around us, and i also found out that he used to like me and got mad about the fact that he “had to fall for the lesbian” (which im not- im trans, not that he bothered tonask), and he told people like my childhood best friend about my “identity” before i got to tell her, AND without even asking if it was ok. he’s done some other minor weird/kinda rude stuff and not apologized for it, but at this point the fact that he’s upsetting my new friends, who are nice and non-confrontational people is the worst thing for me. we’ve tried hinting as best we can that he makes us uncomfortable and that this isn’t the best group for him, but he hasn’t gotten the hint.
so, we moved our lunch spot away and haven’t told him where it is. we were hoping he would just find new people to sit with and make friends he has stuff in common with, but he’s just getting a bit angry.
are we the assholes for excluding him when he makes us uncomfortable??? i feel like we should probably talk it out instead of playing hide and seek but nobody wants to be the one to (probably) get yelled at, so what should we do??
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aapzh9
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{
"description": "taking pictures of my coworkers messages and anonymously sending them to hr",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for taking pictures of my coworkers messages and anonymously sending them to HR.
|
So we got a new assistant manager at work and he is extremely rude and demanding. He’s a “my way or the highway” type of guy. Personally I get a long with him great(I have to try really hard to stay on his good side). However I do it to keep the peace at work. It’s not the same for my coworkers. He’s made two coworkers cry on different occasions. I noticed him messaging a manager from another store and a nasty message popped up and before he could minimize it I was able to read it. It said something making fun of our store manager. So I was curious and I waited for him to leave his computer unattended then I took it to the back and opened up the messages. I read a ton is extremely in appropriate and rude comments about my coworkers.... so I took photos of the messages and anonymously sent them to HR and CC’d our store manager (who was one of the people he spoke about negatively on the messages). His messages weren’t awful but definitely inappropriate for work. I feel bad because to his face I act really nice and innocent (like I’m on his side) however in reality I was looking for opportunities to “out” him. He is a good person just had a poor attitude and as much as he was being unfair, so we’re all of us. So I understand why he felt so negatively towards everyone. Sure it was inappropriate.... but should I have spoken with him and my store manager first, instead of sending it immediately to HR. Should I have sent in anonymously, and continued pretending as if I knew nothing? So far no action has been taken by HR. My store manager did speak with the 6 of us individually about the messages without revealing what was said. He mostly just asked how we felt about the assistant manager. He definitely spoke with the assistant manager and he is clearly scared he’s going to loose his job (he opened up to me about the situation).
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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a81q53
| null |
AITA? Friend accused me of theft?
|
I met my best friend when we were in 4th grade. We didn't offically start hanging out until grade 6. Grade 6 we were inseperable and we would often call and text each other all day, go over to each other's houses, and have a lot of sleep overs. It got to the point where when her family went on vacation they invited me along and we had a lot of fun traveling together. Her parents kind of became my parents too. She was an only child and she didn't have other friends so I became her adopted sister.
In 10th grade I got an acceptance letter into early college for the next year and I took it. At the time I had met my now ex boyfriend; he and I also began living together. This giy asked her out the previpus ywar and she told him no. My best friend was upset that I had a boyfriend and that he had moved in. One of the times she came over before we stopped speaking she told me that she didn't like that we were together and she wouldn't come over to my house any more so long as he was there. I had to start going over to her house because I wasn't going to kick my boyfriend out or ask him to leave.
Within that year she started accusing me of doing things I wasn't doing. Her Facebook account got hacked and I helped her get the account back because she called me and told me she didn't know how to get back into her account herself. She accused me of hacking her account. I went over to her home she accused me of stealing from her because money went missing off of her desk (I told her she could check my pockets, $2 went missing and I had a $10 bill only). She asked me where I got money and I told her that my boyfriend at the time had a job and that he had given me money to be able to buy myself lunch. Then she accused me of trying to take a pen from her (a regular black ink pen) because she was sure I didn't have one when I came over. I did. It was in my pocket. A few weeks later I told her I was pregnant. After that she stopped talking to me. I was pretty upset about it but I moved on.
A few years later she messages me and tells me that she knew I had been stealing things from her and that's why she stoped talking to me. I told her that I hadn't but if she felt that she didn't want to be friends with me anymore then that was her choice bit I wish she had came to an and talked to me more about the supposed theft issue so I could have shown her that I didn't take anything from her. We stopped talking again for several years.
Yesterday she messages me again and starts talking to me like nothing ever happened between us and I immediately called her out and told her I didn't want to have any contact with her. And then I block her. Her boyfriend messages me and tells me to quit being an asdhole to her.
So AITA or am I justified to not want anything to do with her?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
b4i34t
|
{
"description": "wanting to split a speeding ticket",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 30
}
|
AITA for wanting to split a speeding ticket?
|
\-- TL/DR below; apologies for any spelling / grammatical errors --
This happened a couple of weeks ago. It was a Monday and there was going to be a family birthday party on Friday. My aunt (lets call her Carol) asked me if my sister and I were going to drive to said party separated from our parents, we sometimes do that in order to be able to leave earlier. Carol and her 2 kids would then come along because she lives close to our place.
Anyway, I told her I'd ask my sister and come back to her. Later that day I asked and my sister said she would.
Well, I forgot to tell Carol. I then had a very stressful week, I had a lot of stuff in my head to think about that this just got lost. Skip ahead to Friday my family and I decide to get going. Sister is still planning to drive separately which I try to talk her out of to save money but she is insisted so I decide to drive with my parents for the sake of my mood and the relationship to my sister.
When we arrive everyone but my sister was already there. I get to Carol and go in for a hug. While hugging she asks me where my sister is, I tell her she drove separately and then it hit me. I apologize for forgetting about it and she's pretty cool about it. She (kind of jokingly) says that I can drive her and her kids home so that she can get a drink. I didn't say anything to that but it wouldn't be a problem for me, wasn't going to get drunk that night anyway. Later on Carol comes over and asks again. I say yes.
The whole party then was pretty boring for me and I was kind of jealous of my sister but I accepted my fate.
When we got going Carols kids were exhausted so I was eager to get home quickly. I was going over the speed limit where there was one on the Autobahn but never more than 20 km/h (12.4 mph) faster because thats kind of the limit where you get away with a fine and no bigger consequences. The fact that I never got a speeding ticket before and the lack of speed traps on this route gave me a false sense of security and then it happened. I saw a bright red flash and we all knew what was coming. My mood? Ruined. My aunt didn't say anything.
3 days ago the ticket arrived. It's a fine of 40€ ($45). My aunt came over and told me and then asked how I wanted to pay her. I asked her to split it since it was kind of a favor that I drove her and her kids home so that she wouldn't have to. Additionally my job doesn't pay too well and I'm always kind of short on money. I offered her 20€ on the spot but she told me that I should pay all of it since I was driving. I don't agree with that. She and her husband both work full time and earn enough money, she should pay part of the ticket. Asshole thinking?
TL/DR: My aunt gets a speeding ticket because of me taking her and her kids home in her car and asks me to pay the whole amount. I disagree and ask her to split it half and half. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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hTakGTsbhxSQn9TGpek5ZL7OUW9ldDHK
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adcwiz
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{
"description": "disagreeing with my brother and then silently leaving my family dinner",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for disagreeing with my brother and then silently leaving my family dinner?
|
So my brother often will pick something about me like that I don't really eat meat (for moral and environmental reasons) or that I wear my engineering ring (Canadian engineering thing related to a bridge that collapsed and that engineers need to remember the potential gravity of their actions) and personally attack me for it. In the case of the ring for example calling my wearing it pretentious and that engineers do it because they are elitist pricks basically. And I usually try to explain why because I do these things for a reason and he kinda just talks over me until I stop talking or until he is clearly wrong and then wiggles out of it somehow.
&#x200B;
So today we \[my whole family at dinner\] were talking about whether there should be a grade 13 and I said I don't think so since it would be putting a lot of people back a year; my brother's responses were something to the general tone of "you're dumb; shut up". The tone of the conversation was escalating (due to him continuing to talk over me) and then he said something like "...for example I made dumb mistakes my first year out of high school" to which I replied "So since SOME people make dumb mistakes, everyone should be held back a year? That doesn't make sense to me." To which he replied something to the effect of "you can take the bus home" then got up and left the room to do his laundry and immediately the rest of my family started talking to me like I had just murdered an innocent puppy.
&#x200B;
I helped clean up after dinner (while my brother was still out of the room) and it was super uncomfortable and I was still being treated very much like a mean villain who was taking revenge so I went to the bathroom and then left silently and texted my family to tell them I was busing home and thanked them for dinner and told them I just didn't really want to deal with the situation right now.
&#x200B;
I understand that what I said could have hurt my brother's feelings as he might be insecure about his decisions etc. but I don't think that what I said was a) attacking him directly or b) deserved me being treated like I had just been a total dick by everyone c) merited my brother's response of leaving the room.
&#x200B;
Leaving I think was a bit selfish and cowardly, but I didn't want to deal with the situation and in hindsight I don't think that there was really a better alternative since my family is super dishonest with each other and themselves so at best they would just pretend it didn't happen and act super uncomfortable the remainder of the night and at worst they would continue to treat me like a puppy murderer.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
ava2pm
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{
"description": "not saying \"I love you\" back",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For Not Saying "I love you" Back?
|
My now ex girlfriend and I had been together for a total of 18 months. She was a pretty great girl in general and I liked her a lot.
About 3 months after we started dating she told me that she loved me. Love is a very strong word, and I didn't love her at that point. So I responded with something along the lines of, "You're amazing and I like you a lot". She seemed hurt but didn't say anything about it. She continued to tell me she loved me for the rest of the 15 months probably about once a week.
I've been in love with a past girlfriend. Really really in love. I liked this girl a lot but even after 18 months I wouldn't say I was in love with her. So during that entire time I never told her that I loved her too. I responded similarly to the first time she said it.
After nearly a year of trying, she confronted me about it. She asked why I refused to say it back, and I told her that I care about her a lot, but I wouldn't say I love her until I was absolutely confident that I did. She said that it hurts feeling as if the love was one way and asked me if I could say it even if it wasn't true. I didn't want to do this because in my mind this takes away from the meaning of the word. If it's not true why say it at all? I told her that she didn't have to tell me she loved me. I told her that when I knew I was in love I would tell her. I liked this girl a lot, and I did tons of things to express my feelings, but I didn't love her in that way yet.
She took my advice and stopped saying she loved me after that talk. Six months later she decided to try it again. Once again I didn't say I loved her back. At that point she told me that she has had enough with our relationship. She didn't like feeling like this is a one way relationship. She said that I was being an ass and emotionally manipulating her by not saying I loved her. I feel like it's better to be honest than to lie to someone about your feelings, but maybe I'm wrong. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
6oF39hgr0xTpysF2p18Y0M4X16S0fy6v
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aj7smq
| null |
AITA - dog ate out of compost pile and I couldnt tell my brother it wasnt the chicken bones.
|
So my brothers dog ate something and we dont know what it is. My dad is trying to start a compost pile to grow grass and some chicken bones were unaccounted for after I cleaned the fridge. I left them out per dads request. He apparently ate them, but I didnt know what he did with the bones. Chicken bones will kill a dog. And the problem is we have a dog that eats any people food it finds. Well, my brother let her out last night and she was eating out of the compost pile. My brother naturally freaked out after finding out the chicken was gone. He asked if the chicken bones were out there and I said I didnt know. It was the only thing I had t directly dealt with. I had no clue whether dad tossed them in the compost pile. We all have brain farts in our family. My brother refused to ask my dad if he did that so I had to. I just asked what he did with the chicken bones and got an answer, not in compost pile. Great! I said and I told my brother that. He is still wigging out.
I shoot from the lip. Its part of my thinking process. I go through all the possibilities and had just gotten through the first one. Then the person j am talking to helps me sift through what I actually know in order to get the correct answer.
Am I the asshole for ignoring him when he brings this up? I went to bed 1 hour earlier last night because after the question was answered he just wouldnt let it go. I literally just heard them arguing because I did the going to bed early again thing. Imy brother usually comes to his senses after 30 minutes so this is kinda weird even for him. He shouts, argues, gets mad, runs off for 30 minutes or so and comes back and talks to the person he had issues with. For me the situation is over, but I guess not for him. I told him it was done and over and he still kept on it so I told him good night. At 745 my time. The incident went down last night.
Tl;dr dog ate out of compost pile, I cant account for chicken bones and brother freaks out when I tell him I dont know whether dad realized chicken bones are bad for dogs.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
acq3f4
|
{
"description": "making my sister cry after yelling at her for bullying me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for making my sister cry after yelling at her for bullying me
|
For the past few weeks my sister (23) has been putting down everything I say, making me (17) pissed after most of our interactions. This mostly happened at dinner where I would talk about something I believe I had a decent understanding of, or simply correcting another family member about something, and she would get pissy with me by making it seem like I was a dick for sharing my opinion. (I know this sounds weird I’m just not very good at explaining it) An example would be me correcting someone on a subject and her saying “As if you know what you’re talking about”
Naturally I got pissed off after she did this because I felt bullied, but I bit my tongue since I didn’t want to start shit up with my sister who I live with still. But today I was really grumpy after working all day, and was not going to have it. While eating dinner she did something mildly annoying, but after waiting for so many days I exploded on her. I said “Why are you being such a bitch recently? Everything I do or say you fucking get mad about ,” or something like that I can’t remember word for word. She was shocked but retaliated by saying she would slap me to which I taunted her to do it. My dad said that I would punch back (although I probably wouldn’t), and that deterred her.
After all this she barely ate anything for dinner and left to go to the bathroom and cry for a few minutes before composing herself and coming back to the table.
I’m not sure what I should do, as all I did was stand up for myself even if I was mean about it. Am I the asshole?
TL;DR: my sister has been bullying me recently and I yelled at her, making her cry
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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|
WRONG
|
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|
9zfw26
|
{
"description": "telling my mom I'm not coming for thanksgiving",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my mom I'm not coming for thanksgiving?
|
I'm 16 and when I was 11 my mom went to Salisbury because she was an addict. I'm living with my grandparents 2 hours away and she's been living in Salisbury since and right now she's dating this manipulative asshole that I despise and hate. I was gonna go with my little sister to see her for thanks giving at her boyfriends sisters home and stay until at my moms until Sunday. But keep note his entire family are drug addicts. They offered her coke multiple times and she relapsed, they also knew she was an addict. That's why I don't wanna go because I'm gonna have to pretend to be happy and loving even though I'll be fantasying them all being murdered because I have a burning hate for all of them because of what they did. But the reason why I feel horrible for this is because this is going to be my moms first thanksgiving without her mom and dad (they both died back to back this year.) I feel very selfish for doing this and I don't talk to anybody about my emotions so I'm posting on here for opinions.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
JQPwzWoMZP1XjPzgZMm1m8YEbSZFukXI
|
a0pbtk
|
{
"description": "telling a stranger his wife has a boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
WIBTA if I told a stranger his wife has a boyfriend?
|
I do not directly know the woman but a close friend works with her. I have only interacted with her a handful of times (a customer service based job).
My friend repeats a lot of the conversations she has with this woman (she is in no way her friend and the woman is clearly not interested in the fact that my friend doesn't like her, she just talks to talk). She has repeatedly told my friend that she doesn't trust her husband with their 2 children (safety reasons not abuse) and is constantly bashing him but won't ever give a reason as to why and won't talk to her husband about it.
A couple of weeks ago, the woman told my friend that she had started going on dates and her husband didn't know.
Today, my friend was telling me that this woman approached her at work and the conversation went something like this:
Woman: "HEY, guess what, I have a secret!"
Friend: "yah?"
Woman : "I have a boyfriend!"
My friend was floored at how excited this made the woman.
Friend: "does your husband know?"
If it's an agreement within their relationship then whatever no big deal, you do you lady.
Woman: "No, my husband doesn't know!!"
My friend stopped entertaining her at that moment and went back to work.
The woman spent he rest of the day telling everyone who would listen about her new boyfriend.
So, WIBTA if I reached out to her husband, a complete stranger to me, and told him his wife is telling everyone at work she has a boyfriend?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
Q3Ug7mglULtoPgKDW16argLbgLcKhq9I
|
b81v2k
|
{
"description": "not bringing cake to school tomorrow",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If I didn’t bring cake to school tomorrow?
|
So my school-day basically only consisted of presentations after a week of working with a project in groups.
Towards the end of the last presentation, I hear my phone beeping twice from the back of the classroom, even though, fortunately, nobody else knew it was mine. The teacher reacts immediately though and rages about it for a good minute, even though he was the only one who seemed bothered by it, honestly. The group presenting was even some of my good friends who didn’t seem to give one shit about the short noise, and just continued talking.
Though, before we all got to go home, the teacher sat us down in the classroom and gave a good 10-minute speech about how the person who owned the phone was “extremely disrespectful and annoying” and ended the talk saying that the responsible person had to own up to their actions by baking a cake for the entire class tomorrow. If nobody shows up with a cake all phones will be taken away for the enitre day, and I don’t want to be responsible for that.
I know it was irresponsible of me, but as someone who can barely have a voice raised at them without breaking into tears, I couldn’t make myself admit it in front of the whole class and an already angry teacher. I don’t even have time for baking a cake, and I don’t want the anger singled out on me tomorrow.
Am I too sensitive? Am I an asshole? Should I bring a cake?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
XuzDkjmIpTOIqB1dVhq2MRZIStyfqjEt
|
aef004
|
{
"description": "not being ready for marriage",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not being ready for marriage?
|
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 1.5 years, and he keeps pushing marriage. I’m nowhere near ready. He’s of a different culture, and I need way more time to make sure we will work in the long run.
Am I the asshole?? Should I be ready by now?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
QmFRvsUFrxdFdmQsiF8IMwzZZqGvU9wo
|
9zi4wn
|
{
"description": "telling my mom I don't need a ride home",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA because i told my mom I don’t need a ride home
|
I’m a bar tender and my wife left me and took the kids two days ago and we have one car. It’s cold in Michigan , and tomorrow night I close the bar. So I just walk home. She got mad when I told her I don’t want a ride and would rather walk...
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
rKTJYgJD4GwfT3Ace2f2fJIUarf9n1as
|
a60jcc
|
{
"description": "not offering to pay the diminished value of my son in laws truck I wrecked",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not offering to pay the diminished value of my son in laws truck I wrecked?
|
So my soon to be son in law was severely injured a week ago. He needed to go to the doctor for a follow up visit, and he just bought a brand new dually crew cab 4 wheel truck. No where to park his truck at the doctors office so he asked to use my car and said for me to take his truck. I have owned big trucks so driving it wasn’t the issue. But some how I ran a red light and got t boned. I have never been in an accident I caused before this. Not sure how I ran a red light on a street a half mile from where I have worked the last 25 years. I will say he tinted the windows way darker than I ever would have and I think that affected my ability to see. It was still dark out when it happened.
So I go through the steps of reporting it to insurance. My insurance says the vehicles insurance pays not the drivers. So all the companies have been notified.
Within a couple hours my daughter texts me saying I need to pay for the damages so there rates don’t go up. Well the car that hit me was almost brand new and was totaled. And the truck probably has $20,000 in damages if not totaled. So any where from $55,000 to $90,000 in damages. So I suggest we deal with that as it happens. Can’t imagine their insurance going up because of my accident. But if it does I would work it out.
Then today she text me saying that I need to do something for the diminished value of the truck when they go to trade it in. And once again I stated that we should cross that bridge when we come to it.
However it became a big issue and a long text battle with her basically telling me I’m a shitty parent.
But I did mention that I am in the process of borrowing a lot of money for her business to expand but my credit is going to show this debt. And if she expects a large sum of money from me for the damages to trucks value, I would have to cancel this loan so I could borrow money to cover the truck.
And she accused me of guilting her instead of just admitting i am wrong. I know she’s under a lot of stress because of his injury. But I don’t know what she expects me to do. So am I being the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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axa1ho
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{
"description": "not removing a tattoo at the request of my husband",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA for not removing a tattoo at the request of my husband?
|
Hello, I (31F) have been married to my husband (28M) for roughly two years, we dated for 1 year before that. In my past life before working at the church, I was a bartender at a popular bar. I made enough money to pay off my car and some credit card debt that never seemed to go away. Unfortunately, I had some issues with addiction and was not living a healthy lifestyle at the time. I had a couple of serious boyfriends and a dozen ONS before meeting my now husband.
I disclosed that I had a rough time through my early to mid-twenties before we got married and was willing to be honest with him whenever he asked about anything. My husband is an old-fashioned type and follows the adage of “a gentleman never asks, and a lady never tells”. This was fine for me because I wanted to leave the past in the past and he wasn’t a jealous type while we were dating.
However, I have a few tattoos from the days when I was in one of my serious relationships before my current husband. He never asked about these ones, so I didn’t feel like it was something that needed to be discussed. Whenever my now husband *generally* asked about my tattoos (I have a lot of them) I told him simply I liked the art, which is true. I knew when saying this in the back of my head that some of them had baggage and did not want to dig that up. At the time, I know he would have understood.
The conversation of tattoos did not come up again until a year into marriage. Because of talking about the loose associations some of them had, jealousy issues started finding their way into our relationship. Let’s say one of them had to do with my ex’s metaphysical snake. I love him dearly, I do. I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but these jealousy issues are starting to get cumbersome. It seems like every time he talks about this, he is possessed and wants to know all the dirty little details of this particular person in relation to himself.
I feel like he is views me like I am trash, even though he is using a calm, respectful tone. I feel like when he goes deep into the rabbit hole about this, the only way to help him is to talk about the details that he is asking about. Every time it is like putting the nail in one coffin but opening up ten new cans of worms. After growing tired, I told him that I do not want to talk about it anymore. Seemingly out of anger, he told me that he wants the tattoo removed or covered up.
I feel like he had his opportunity to find out about the details of all my tattoos and get them removed before the wedding. I could have been more open and forthcoming about the intimate nature of some of these tattoos, but we were seemingly operating under the don’t ask don’t tell philosophy. But now, there are early memories and wedding pictures tainted. I am hurt by him requesting me to remove the tattoos because it makes me feel objectified. It *seems* that this is leading to an ultimatum and I have decided not to remove it. Am I an asshole for not removing the tattoo?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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axq82r
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{
"description": "not wanting to be friends with my friend's girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be friends with my friend's girlfriend?
|
(Obligatory this is a throwaway account.) Everyone in this story is in their mid 20s.
To cut right to the chase, my friend and my boyfriend's best friend ("James") started dating this girl ("Nicole") approximately 2 years ago. (Possibly relevant information: my boyfriend and I have been together for about 8 years now so I've known James roughly the same amount of time and consider him to be a good friend.) They've had an incredibly rocky relationship to say the least and have been on and off up until somewhat recently. This began with James emotionally cheating on Nicole with another girl a few months into their relationship. As far as I know, it only went as far as texting. James came clean to Nicole shortly after and this whole incident unleashed a whole new side of Nicole that none of us had expected.
To make this short, Nicole developed huge trust issues and became both verbally, mentally, and physically abusive to James. To the point that she made him bleed and feel that he has to hide aspects of his relationship from us and his other close friends. I don't know if the abuse is currently ongoing.
Now that they live together, my boyfriend and I often hangout with both James and Nicole whenever we see him. Nicole has been trying to bond with the "girlfriends" of our friend group - she's tried inviting me to dinner or insisted on going to gym together. I decline for some reason or another every time, but I'm always polite about it.
The truth is that I really have no interest in being friends with Nicole even if she is James' girlfriend. Aside from the fact that our interests and personalities are non-compatible, now that I know about the abuse I can't move past it. In my mind, it takes a truly fucked up mindset to go as far as making the person you "love" bleed intentionally and I don't think I could ever forgive it. When I do see Nicole in a group setting, I'm cordial to her and as friendly as I can tolerate, but I largely do this for James' sake and not wanting him to feel isolated from us in the event he is still being abused. (Just want to add, I do realize what James did to Nicole was also shitty, but no one deserves to be abused in retaliation for it.)
I know in my mind that I can be friends with whoever I want to be friends with, but AITA for my reasoning for not wanting to be friends with Nicole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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afcp84
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{
"description": "losing my cool with my so who has severe health anxiety",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for losing my cool with my SO who has severe health anxiety?
|
My SO (F30) gets extremely anxious about lots of things and it has a huge impact on our lives (her more than me, of course, but as we live together and have a little boy it tends to affect us all a lot - we don't get to do much as a family as she gets upset at things and I get very little 'down time' alone as she struggles to look after our son so I'm permanently exhausted).
But the worst thing is her health anxiety. I hesitate to call it hypochondria but it pretty much is exactly that. She is constantly worrying about small sensations, literally sometimes worrying that a little stomach ache could be cancer, or something like that. Not to say she assumes she has cancer, but she treats it as good a possibility as food poisoning, or just trapped wind. So she's constantly freaking out and scaring me by proclaiming that she could have x y or z illness, often in front of our boy, and I haven't got any patience left, so I'm increasingly liable to getting pissed off and even snapping at her, especially when our son's in earshot, which makes me feel worse as I don't want to get angry in front of him.
Tonight she gave me some free time by going out with a friend for the first time in ages, and I was grateful (Ive gig asperger's so I need down time alone a lot). But she came back complaining it had been awful as she felt ill thd whole time and was terrified of vomiting or shitting herself (this has never actually happened but is a big fear of hers), so I felt awful for her staying out to give me time alone, and snapped at her thaf she's confusing anxiety symptoms with other symptoms and being overly dramatic, and then said I was losing my ability to show sympathy for her as it's so frequent and endless. I was quite cross and now she's in bed crying and I'm feeling like shit downstairs.
AITA for getting angry and snapping at her and upsetting her by disbelieving her symptoms?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
akuegn
|
{
"description": "throwing a group member under the bus, and being angry that the consequences they experienced were not as severe as I thought they deserved",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for throwing a group member under the bus, and being angry that the consequences they experienced were not as severe as I thought they deserved?
|
This happened a few years ago while I was in college working on a group project for a clinical psych course. At the beginning of the project, the professor made it abundantly clear that after all was said and done we would be able to submit peer evaluations so that each member would be graded accordingly, in hopes to eliminate social-loafing.
The students I ended up working with were awesome, save for one person. She took no initiative in things, and needed her hand held through everything. She rarely showed up to meetings, and when she did she was usually so late that the rest of us were already packing up our stuff. I tried to do my best to fill her in, and make sure she knew what her responsibilities were, but it was always rushed as I had a pretty tight schedule.
Anyway, we get to the last few meetings and it's apparent she hasn't contributed much to the 25 page research paper, nor the presentation. The rest of us gave her a simple part, and pretty much did all of the outline for her, she just had to fill in the blanks. I'm pretty sure we gave her all the sources she would need too.
Between all my other classes, presentations, midterms, and what have you, I didn't have the time to babysit this person. I assumed after the last meeting that she would have everything done the day before at 6pm so I would have enough time to edit it, since that's we all agreed to. 6pm rolls around, she says she's still working on it. Then radio silence until like a few hours before class. Then it becomes abundantly clear that she hasn't written anything, "but it's all in her head." I kind of go off on her. Tell her that this is absolutely inappropriate and if she wasn't going to contribute she should have just told us earlier so we could had time to do her part.
Anyway, she eventually finishes her part. It's godawful, but I salvage what I can by editing the fuck out of it. We meet to go through our presentation one more time, and I realize she thinks she can just wing it, after I explained to her numerous times that we are being graded on every aspect of the presentation. Going over or under will affect our grades, and the quality of the presentation will as well.
We give the presentation, she goes before me and spends way too much time bullshitting her way through it; circling back to points she already made, or just reading of a powerpoint slide with no direction. Now I have to rush through my part of it, which makes me look unprepared.
When it came to the peer evaluations, all my other group members and myself agreed we should be as brutally honest as possible. We gave her so many chances, and she fucked it all up. So that's what we did. I was honestly expecting her to fail the project, if not the course, but while we all got an A- she got a B-.
Where I feel like the asshole is wishing that she would have failed. I don't know what was going on with her. I just assumed she just didn't give a shit, but maybe she was dealing with something I had no idea about. Maybe she was extremely depressed and what she did for the group was the best she could manage.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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amx9x0
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{
"description": "not having moved on from Abuse and Trauma",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for Not Having Moved On From Abuse and Trauma
|
Hi everyone, new here and on mobile so let me off easy if I make any formatting mistakes, hah. And I will try to make it as neutral and understanding from my side as well as I can. Two sides to every story after all. (Also, sorry, this is going to be a long and very dark post that brings up abuse, mental disorders, and suicide, so here's my warning for that.)
Okay, so interesting title, but here's what happened .My bf and I (let's call him A) were messing around last night, sort of teasing and wrestling each other when he tried to swat me off of him. This was all fine of course until he landed a pretty strong smack on my leg. It hurt quite a bit, and caused me to freeze up a little and have flashbacks to past, traumatic, fearful events.
Some info on me: I grew up in a highly a
psychologically and verbally abusive environment - and that haunts me everyday. For a while things were getting better, but recently I've started getting flashbacks (PTSD? Idk). I also have several mental disorders (diagnosed by a psychiatrist). Depression, Anxiety, and OCD. I have tried everything to help; medications, therapy, removing myself from the situation, but nothing quite seems to help. Not too long ago was seriously considering suicide, like, *really* considering. But I have moved past that, (although it still is rather haunting for my little damaged brain).
So he started telling me to stop spiralling and stop thinking about it. (He did apologize for hitting me that hard, he certainly didn't mean to and never would, it was an accident). I said how I didn't like having a mark on my leg from my bf: and that's when we went off.
Apparantly while we had been wrestling around, I had brought up some bad memories for him - something I was unaware of and apologized for. He also has had some trauma in his life; and if anything, we have always found solace in each other in that we can both heal together and he can help me.
However, A gets angry, letting go of some emotions he had been keeping bottled up for a few days. He says that he feels I am not trying in our relationship, and that he feels he is not allowed to be angry bc it will trigger some memory, but when it comes to me I am allowed to feel upset whenever I want. I will admit fully that I have been in a weird mental state for several days and probably have not been easy to deal with.
I had never told A he couldn't be angry, and yes I will admit, anger makes me nervous. I am used to anger lasting for weeks or months, not for a day or so - so I try to avoid it like the plague.
I tell him I can't help that I have all of these memories, and that I have the mental disorders that I have. A says that I am acting like a slave to my own emotions, and confusing feelings for reality. A then brings up what he has went through, and that I have never faced sexual or physical abuse, and that I may have been scared before but never felt genuine fear for my life. He says that he could make millions of excuses for himself everyday, but doesn't. And that I need to get over my own issues bc it is destroying me. "I and other people have done it, and you need to quit laying down and do it for yourself".
A says that he doesnt mind supporting me, but that he feels like he has to carry my issues with him. And that I'm supposedly comparing him to all of these awful people in my past and that it's getting to be too much for him.
This infuriates me and makes me feel terrible, like A is just making it about himself and completely informing my feelings. I tell him that we are different people, that he has had a good support system, a different life than me, and that I am still living with my issues. My family does still have control over my finances, car, etc. And that I have not given up, and still try every day to function best I can. If I had given up, I would literally not be alive and typing this out right now.
This morning I left his house (it was very late when we stopped arguing, so I crashed there for the night), and A didnt seem to really understand where I was coming from. I love him so much, and I know he loves me too... but I'm confused. Am I really a horrible gf for not being able to stop my flashbacks from my past from happening and not being able to stop myself from letting them upset me?
I understand he wants me to be able to rise above it all, but he did not say it correctly at all. A even said, "Well would you rather me have said that, 'Hey, you are only defined by what happened to you, you will never get over it'? No, I'm telling you that you can."
Thanks guys, again sorry for the long read. Any questions for clarification please ask. I just want insight.
TL;DR: Bf tells me I need to accept and get over my abuse and trauma bc he did so for his, and is frustrated and upset at me me for letting it affect my mood and for not being in good mental health recently. I just want bf to be patient with me and understanding - I don't know what else to do.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
b7xrpe
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{
"description": "asking my boyfriend to not drink or smoke in front of me",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my boyfriend to not drink or smoke in front of me?
|
Stuff is going like, great between me and the boyfriend. Except for one thing; he likes to smoke weed (often), and drink (rarely, doesn't get drunk), while I have PTSD tied to the stuff because of some childhood trauma.
To explain the trauma, my mom was an abuser, who smoked cigarettes throughout my childhood and was a an alcoholic for a few years. Even worse than that I found out from my dad that she was actually an addict on a variety of other drugs my whole life and just hid it from me. And her boyfriend when I was in kindergarten, whom I loved dearly, died of lung cancer from secondhand smoke. She was the only smoker he knew. Basically, she *killed* him. And her ENTIRE side of the family smoked cigarettes too, and since I got dropped off at school and they smoked in their cars and home, I went to school smelling like smoke most days.
Now to my boyfriend. One of the very reasons I even AGREED to go out with him is because he didn't really plan to drink or smoke. This changed like three weeks into college. His friend convinced him to smoke weed, and then he just had to try alcohol too. I was like "okay, don't like this, but so long as he accommodates me, we're good". For awhile, I'll admit I went too hard and wouldn't let him even MENTION the stuff. By this point, I am chill with the mention of it. But now, he'll try and get me to consider like, being around it, “to get over it" sometimes, but does drop it when I say no. I know it's a big part of his life, and where he met a lot of friends, but I just can't even consider it. Like, when we went to his family's Thanksgiving, EVERYONE was drinking heavily. And I was sitting on the edge of a panic attack the entire evening, unable to have fun. When he asked if he could have one drink, I felt like vomiting, and asked if he wouldn't. Alcohol is a smaller trigger than smoke, so if I couldn't handle that I couldn't handle anything else.
I know he just wants me to be involved in all parts of his life, and not being okay with this means I can't meet all of his friends, but my trauma is so fresh because my sister is STIll suffering from the repercussions of substance abuse now, and I can't do anything to help her. I have not made any attempt to try and stop him, because I know it is not my place. My boyfriend does everything responsibly and safely, so I trust him, but I'm not at a point in my life in which I can handle it. I love him, and we have almost no issues beyond this. He is not the bad guy here IMO, but my stance is that I'm not either.
**TDLR; I can't be around alcohol or any sort of drug that is smoked due to trauma that is still fresh, but my boyfriend who does those things wants me to be fully involved in his life. AITA for asking him to just do it away from me so we can enjoy everything else about our relationship, or should I 1) buckle up and get used to it or 2) end the whole thing because I can't accept everything about him?**
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
UKaV37mDxHifGjRI0h1V3BLcdc2RYAzH
|
as0ik4
|
{
"description": "sleeping with my ex immediately after breaking up with someone",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for sleeping with my ex immediately after breaking up with someone?
|
So, this actually happened a few years ago, but i still feel guilty about it. I dated this guy for 6 months. It was going really well, until depression kicked my butt hard. I decided to break up with him for both of our sakes. I couldn't handle a relationship at the time.
I had an ex who I'd been in a LDR with several months before this. We stayed friends, and even though we didn't really hang out, we texted almost daily. No cheating, no sketchy topics, just friend stuff. The aforementioned now-ex bf was always skeptical of our friendship, but didn't make a big deal of it.
So I broke up with this guy in the evening after we got back from dinner. I told my ex about it, who happened to be in town, and he came over to give me emotional support. So he comes over about an hour later, and... things escalate. I end up sleeping with him 2 hours after I broke up with the other guy.
I know I didn't technically cheat, but I don't know if I technically did anything wrong. It's been weighing on me for quite a while.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
wMLGWq1xWvlbfKojTdIWeUqKWLI0qC2j
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a5frq8
|
{
"description": "asking my bf to distance himself from this female best friend he recently got at work because I suspect she doesn't like me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA if I ask my BF to distance himself from this female best friend he recently got at work because I suspect she doesn’t like me
|
(Reuploading this because I did not add any info, sorry new to this reddit thread)
They’ve come close these past month. I see message notifications from her on his phone every day. My boyfriend is quite the handsome guy with a lovely personality and let’s just say people, and especially girls, do think that he could do better than me. This has sort of made me insecure. The fact that my boyfriend doesn’t hide the fact that he finds my outspoken, boyish, talkative personality quite opposite and incompatible to his shy and quiet demeanour has further cemented the insecurity of me fearing every nice low-tone girl he gets close to.
We met with this girl at this party and she was nice to me for 10 minutes then chose to snub me the whole night. I am very talkative and non-shy, was a bit drunk that night, and was having fun chatting with these other people about weird sex stuff. I’m often snubbed by other girls because “ugh how can you be so crude”, because I am not “ladylike” cuz I like to talk about sex openly.
From the entire night choosing not to talk to me or engage in conversation, she even made a snide comment at some point saying “Ugh you only talk about sex, gawd”. Which I found to be quite mean especially since other people were engaged in that conversation happily too.
Am I jealous? Yes one hundred percent. I don’t like that he is hanging out with this girl who is clearly more his type, who she’d have every reason to like my BF, and who refuses to hangout with me or give me a chance to be friends. This is all probably immature to some but if you also have any advice on how to deal with your own insecurities and jealousies and fear of abandonment, that will help a lot.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
kLuTplMURJXK0xoNzqrYT3DVy1o33AOK
|
b80so0
|
{
"description": "moving other people's laundry",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for moving other people's laundry?
|
I live in an apartment complex with a shared laundry room. There are two washers and two dryers. The machines are coin-operated.
Every once in a while, though, both of the washers or dryers will be full with clothes, but the machine isn't in use. The cycle has finished, but the owner of the clothes hasn't taken them out yet. So I carefully take out their clothes and place them on a counter in the middle of the room to make room for my clothes.
I didn't think much of this, but apparently I may have broken some unspoken rule of laundry etiquette. One time I did this, I got a note in my laundry saying that I should have just waited because I "moved someone's laundry out not even 10 minutes after their load was done."
Maybe they didn't like that I had my greasy hands all over their clothes? That I could have accidentally dropped a sock of theirs and lost it?
But my thought is that if you're in a shared laundry room, it's your responsibility to take your clothes out promptly. It tells you how long it takes: 30-35 minutes for the washer and 40-45 minutes for the dryer. You can set a timer. If you're not moving your laundry, you shouldn't be surprised when somebody else moves it for you. Other people need to use the machines.
A second event happened last night though that inspired me to make this post. I was about to wash my bedsheets in the evening. One of the washers was still going, and the other was full of clothes, but the cycle was finished. Keeping in mind that note I got before, I decided to maybe give it the benefit of the doubt and heed its advice. So I left back to my room, waited 15 minutes, and came back. The clothes were still there. I had given them a grace period, so I took their clothes out and put them to the side. I continued on with my day and switched my laundry to the dryer after it was done washing. Then when I came back to pick up my dry clothes, I realized that this other person took my clothes out of the dryer, probably pretty close to when I put them in because they were still completely wet, and used my wash cycle, which I paid for, to dry their clothes. There was an empty dryer right next to mine, so this was clearly an intentional act of revenge. I had to pay another $1.50 to redo the load that they stole and also waste 45 minutes of my time. I had to get up early the next day for a class I have, and these were my bedsheets, so this person cost me 45 minutes of sleep. And when I came back to pick up my dry clothes after the second time around, they still had not picked up their dry clothes over 45 minutes after they finished drying.
Personally I don't think there's any ambiguity over whether this person is an asshole, but they clearly had a reason to do it. I just wanted to highlight the fact that people are out there who are upset by my actions. Now I'm wondering if them being upset is any way justified.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
awlrvz
|
{
"description": "getting pissed at a girl who got back with the ex she told me to warn off",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting pissed at a girl who got back with the ex she told me to warn off
|
girl i worked with/had good work friendship with was going through a bad breakup and her ex according to her was a real POS, played mind games, put her down, threw things, "everything but physical". i was glad that she broke up with him because i was honestly sick to my back teeth of her telling me these tales of what messed up game he was playing and her being upset constantly.
POS though being and doing what shit does kept harrassing her via text and late night phonecalls, so much so that she asked me, beardymcangryfucker (not really i'm a nice person that doesn't fuck angry ) for help to warn him off and to leave her alone indefinitely, which i did and he agreed to because as my nom de plume suggests, i am a bearded angry looking fucker and POS looked like 30 pound sack of shit in a nike tracksuit. i tell her its done he won't bother you again and to be happy, she thanks me and i think this is the end.
2 months later girl puts up photo of her and POS bf and i message her a bit befuddled asking why shes back with her POS ex if he indeed was a POS, she states she misses him wants him and its non of my business who she dates, i of course get really pissed off because well she asked me to step in and warn him off something i did for her benefit which could have resulted in a altercation, she ends up calling me a nosey cunt and telling people that im an interfering asshole, where from my perspective i was just doing a desperate girl a favour.
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
EWDAC8yXETzT4e5WeUdh0p6TDStEYdhX
|
b5bbtp
|
{
"description": "\"breaking\" this girls iPhone",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for "breaking" this girls iPhone?
|
I met this girl almost a month ago and we have been going out since then.
Eveerything seems good. However Yesterday i accidentally threw her iPhone out of her bed right into the floor.
It doesn't turn on now. However i was hesitant about offering money because I've seen her treat her phone bad and carelessly dropping it múltiple times
She also told me that she has chances the screen three times by NOw AND that she bought used from a friend for 30bucks
I only offered an apology
But she was upset although this didn't make a major problem on our interaction.
Am i doing wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
4RuFhzuiXfvg3GIgoJjkjesUUYsyDT0l
|
aye0c7
|
{
"description": "refusing to go over the coupon limit for someone's disabled mom",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For refusing to go over the coupon limit for someone's disabled mom?
|
I work as a cashier and cashiers always get the blame for company policy. At the store I work at sends out text promotions occasionally to people who sign up with the text club. The deal on this day was 2 lobster tails for $5 with a limit of two. Lobster is super expensive so two for $5 is an amazing deal.
People often come in and try a variety of different thing to get around coupon limits, splitting their order into two, having their kids pay for it at a different line, coming in a second time that day. In cashier training our managers tell us all these ways people try to get around the limits and tells us that if we catch someone doing it we should not let them do so.
The second order on my shift I run into a problem. A mom and her kid come to my line and I notice that not only did they split their order into two, they actually split it into three. I let the first two slide since "Two lobster tails for $5 (Limit 2)" could be interpreted as 2 orders of two lobster tails. Once I got to the third order however, I told them that the coupon says limit of two.
Mom: "Yes, but I split it into three orders"
Me: "Ma'am, according to company policy I can not let you have the coupon for this order. I can scan it through at the normal price for you however."
Mom: "Look, I'm shopping for my disabled mother who can not leave the house so the coupon is really for her."
Me: "Unfortunately, in order for the coupon to be redeemed I would need her to be present with her own code."
Mom: "What do you not understand about she can't leave the house? Just let me have the lobster tails."
Me: "Ma'am, I'm sorry but I can't go against company policy."
Mom: "Well, I'll just leave and come back in then."
Me: "Feel free two ma'am, but if I recognize you I still wont give you the deal."
Mom: "Just give me the deal, because I can always just leave and come back."
Me: "Ma'm, if you leave and come back and I don't see you there is nothing I can do, but for now I can't scan it at the deal price."
(At this point I turn on my flashing light, which notifies the managers in the area that I need help)
Mom: "You scanned the first two orders, just scan the third one, my mother is disabled and she can't leave the house"
(My manager walks by and I get her attention)
Manager: Is there something wrong?
Me: "Yes, this customer split their order into three to avoid the coupon limit"
Mom: "Look, my mom is at home and we need to bring the lobster tails home for dinner tonight, it says limit of two, so two for my son, two for me, and two for my mom"
Manager: "Ma'am, this time I'll scan the lobster tails, but I want to make it clear that this is a one time exception."
&#x200B;
So my manager scans the tails and enters the code. And they leave.
&#x200B;
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
dS45fqFLeoJMkPtSIYF21TQXBzQ3A861
|
9zouvh
|
{
"description": "bailing on my family trip last minute and refusing to pay our part of the bill",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for bailing on my family trip last minute and refusing to pay our part of the bill?
|
For some context: My cousins are hosting an anniversary party. They live some 700kms away from the hometown where my family grew up and where many still live. I live a couple hundred kms North of that hometown.
When we first heard about the party at thanksgiving (in October), the hometown family started floating the idea to rent a charter bus from the hometown to the party. I quickly looked at Google Maps, and saw that it would add only 26kms and only 46 minutes to swing through my city on the way instead of taking the typical route. It would save me, however, two and half hours driving each way from where I live to meet the bus in the hometown. (Also, to drive from where we live to the party would be 5.5 hours and just under 600km each way, or $85.17 in gas round trip, according to a road trip calculator website.) My cousin, Brooke, who was organizing the bus immediately shot down the idea at dinner. I initially said, if it can come through our town, we're definitely in.
The price to participate was set at $100/adult and kids were free. Immediately, I was put off. That would be $200 for me and my husband with no kids (which is a lot of money for us, we don't have a lot of extra room in our budget), and $200 for my cousin's family with 4 kids. It started to seem like a really good deal for the families with kids: now they wouldn't have to drive their big vehicles that hold all their kids, their kids would have other kids to play with, there would be movies to distract them, a toilet so they didn't have to stop, and it was becoming a "booze cruise" so the parents could drink on the way.
We felt a lot of pressure to participate though, because family's important, so we committed to the idea. Last time it was confirmed was Oct 26, and I was told they were *not* going to go through my city. I said we would come anyway, knowing it wasn't the best financial choice for us, but that it would be an experience.
Since then, though, apparently a lot of other people from the hometown have backed out. Yesterday, I was talking to my aunt, Allison, and she said that the price might be $140/adult now! So, now we're paying $280 to drive 5 hours out of our way to catch a bus that we didn't really want to take in the first place, and we were never told that all these people were backing out. And, the people organizing don't want to leave the town where the party is until 9:30am local time Sunday, which is 10:30am in our province, which means that my husband and I likely won't get home until 10pm our time on Sunday, and we both have to work Monday morning. The cousin organizing was asked by someone else if we could leave earlier Sunday morning, but she said 9:30 was early enough. I don't get that, even if you're tired and hungover, you're going to be on a bus for 8 hours - sleep then!
I started to feel sick about the cost and about how it was never even considered to come pick us up. Especially when I learned that the bus does not charge by the km, but by the hour. So, if we arrived at the party town 45 minutes later (right now they're planning on arriving extra early so the kids can swim in the hotel pool before the party), and left 45 minutes earlier Sunday morning, the bus would be rented for the same amount of time, cost the same, but save my husband and me a lot of time.
So, I called my aunt back and expressed my concerns that it was getting too expensive. Suddenly, she said, it wasn't going to cost $140 (which sucks, according to her), only $100 still. And I told her that I was disappointed that the idea to drive through our city was never taken seriously (remember, it was rejected immediately by my cousin when I asked earlier). My aunt said that the bus driver refused to drive to our city for only two people because then it wouldn't be a divided highway like the other route, and he didn't like that. That's the reality of our province, there aren't always divided highways. And, the bus companies in this province drive hockey players and miners everywhere without divided highways all the time, this is not out of the ordinary. I told her still, we couldn't go on the bus, and she told me we would still have to pay our $100 each, which I think is crap. She said everyone who backed out did so before the bus was officially booked 10 days ago. I'm annoyed that I didn't get told 10 days ago that so many people were bailing and it was becoming more expensive.
Anyway, I told them I wouldn't be on the bus, to count me out, and hung up the phone and went to bed feeling sad and guilty - she was really pressuring me on the phone. She was saying things like, "If it were me, I would just come and have all the fun this weekend is going to be and then live conservatively next weekend and the next weekend and the next until January or February or whatever it took to make up the time and money!" and "As if you need to be home so much on the weekend, you probably spend most of the time in your bathrobe lounging around anyway!" It's the holidays, money is tight, time is tight, we have to be careful with what we do. And, we don't laze around all weekend, we are in our early 30s but we don't party a lot. We try to take care of ourselves and our house on weekends.
I wake up to a voicemail on my phone; I check it, and it's from my aunt. She's now saying, if it makes a difference, that they could pick us up in a small town 80kms South of where I live. And they hope that will change our minds and make us come. The thing is, that makes the bus take single lane highways! But, I thought the bus refused to drive single lane highways? Looking at Google maps, this new route they're offering is the one suggested by Google Maps, and is actually shorter in kms and time than the divided highway route they were going to take.
So, I feel like the whole thing was being organized to work best for this one branch of the family, and my husband and I were going out of our way (literally and figuratively) to help keep the cost of this trip down for that branch, when no considerations would be made to help us out. I don't want to pay the $200 to contribute to the bus costs, I think that's unfair, but my aunt made it sound like I don't have a choice. When I said we couldn't take the bus, she just said, "Oh, you're just going to pay $200 for nothing? That sucks for you guys!"
The bus was never the economical choice for us, but it was going to be where a lot of our family members were and was going to be part of the experience. Now, though, it's mostly just that one aunt and her family, and they have a lot of kids, and we just feel like it's not fair that they booked this expensive bus knowing so few people were going. And is our $200 really the tipping point for them? Was it just us keeping the bus a go?
So, am I the asshole for refusing to pay the $200 for this bus trip? Am I the asshole for still refusing to go, even with this modified route they offered?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Bu86Mg82mFFKICu5mMqJ5CMqvF92bU3t
|
b2eqdr
|
{
"description": "telling a kid in our friend group to \"find new friends\"",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA If I told a kid in our friend group to “find new friends”?
|
Posting this on a throwaway.
I’m a college freshman living in a dorm with my best friend of 16 years. Across the hall lives another childhood friend and his roommate, Jeff, who we went to high school with. Jeff was never in our friend group until this summer, when he started hanging out with us. He was kind of a loner in high school, so I did my best to make him feel welcome with us.
Well, since we’ve started college, his attitude has changed. He’s veeery critical of a lot of things I like, and doesn’t like when people have different opinions. I’ll break it down:
• Jeff said the games I play (specifically Uncharted, Madden, Fortnite) are all bad because “you’re not learning anything from them.” He also said that if you aren’t playing games to learn something, “no one should ever take your advice on a game.”
• Jeff says the shows I watch (specifically The Office and Atlanta) are bad because they aren’t about anything. This started when I was watching Atlanta while he was there. In a scene, a character throws his phone out his car window as a joke. He then went on a huge rant about how that’s bad because it wouldn’t happen in real life. When I explained that I was watching the show to take my mind off of my busy life, he said that watching shows with this attitude means I should never be taken seriously. He’s also the type of guy who *only* watches anime and claims it’s better than Western TV.
• Jeff says that music I listen to (Post Malone, Logic, Childish Gambino, J. Cole, etc) is bad because “it’s not about anything”. One day we were hanging out and I was singing a song stuck in my head, and he went “Hey OP, did another one of your dogshit rappers come out with a song you’re going to sing for the next month?”
• Jeff thinks sports are for dumb people. I was watching an MLB playoff game in my room in October when he came in. When he saw me intensely watching the game, he said that sports were “a waste of time”. I said I like them because I grew up with them and they mean something to me. He went on this whole big tangent on how I should only follow art because “that’s creative and original”.
• Jeff thinks that comic book movies are garbage, and that studios just look for profit. I kinda understood where he was coming, but as a fan of CBMs, I still enjoy them. We saw Captain Marvel with Jeff. He criticized the ENTIRE movie, WHILE IT WAS PLAYING, and I got pretty ticked off.
Now, I’m not the only one upset by this. Other friends have talked to me saying they were angered by his behavior. However, my best friend is very patient with him. He hangs out with him outside school and started watching anime with him. Jeff claimed that he had made my best friend a “weeb”. I don’t care if my best friend watches anime, but Jeff bragging about it upset me. I know my best friend better than him. So, with some friends backing me, I’ve considered telling him to either stop bashing things we like or fuck off. Would this make me the asshole?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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A5dWid2GI2bXtfGEQfAALai1YXXJ3I1s
|
azhbu1
|
{
"description": "not approving of my friends age gap crushes",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not approving of my friends age gap crushes
|
Using my throwaway again, and on mobile so apologies for formatting.
I'm friends/acquaintances with this guy who is 23, turning 24 in a few months. He hasnt had a lot of luck with girls and often comes to me when he has a new crush to gush about them. The past four girls he has developed feelings for have been 18 or 17 and about to turn 18. One was 17 when he started developing feelings and told me he was going to ask her out on her birthday. I told him that I really didnt like that and he got upset that I wasnt supporting him and started that he was waiting and not asking her out before she was 18.
I've spoken about how I feel uncomfortable about it and told him in the end it's his decision as they are legal at 18, but that I wouldn't be enthusiastically encouraging him to go for them. So far all these crushes have lead to the girl turning him down, something I have wondered if it has to do with the age gap, so nothing has come of them. But he gets upset that I dont want to encourage him to go for these relationships.
Tl;dr: almost 24M develops feelings for 18F and thinks it's unfair that I dont encourage him to pursue them.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
9u2g6h
|
{
"description": "wanting to call the cops on my gfs brother for drunk driving",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to call the cops on my GFs brother for drunk driving?
|
so a little back story. me and my girlfriend live together. her brother just moved in from their parents after getting out of a 3 day rehab. now he's back and he's getting drunk all day everyday and driving as well.
I have a HUGE problem with this. I've had 2 friends die from drunk drivers one of which had 3 tours in Iraq. on top of that it's just shows how much you only care about yourself. he's already had 1 dui and he also keeps taking money from her and getting drunk with it.
I've made it known to him I wanted to call the cops. hasn't made a difference. and he keeps coming in the house screaming at her all the time.
at this point I just want him gone. I'm tired of him lying and constantly taking money from us. I tried to talk to him nicely about coming clean and getting help. (I've known several alcoholic friends and have helped them)
When I talked to him about it he said "i don't know what it's like" hilarious.
Obviously calling the cops would put a strain on our relationship but also he's been a HUGE dick to her and keeps drunk driving and he will eventually end up hurting someone.
on top of it all she has her car in the shop and he will not let her use his car but asks for gas money. my car is out of state currently.
AITA for not wanting this shit going on and wanting him sitting in jail for not regarding other people's lives?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
TGVbIG9hkCFuicYiP5lcPixhJxgvhjpg
|
ap0v8c
|
{
"description": "teasing this guy",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for teasing this guy?
|
So I’m on a dating site, and I started messaging this guy. We got along really well, so well that we exchanged numbers and started texting (instead of just messaging through the site). I’m the type of person that, if I’m teasing you, I can come across as a bit of a jerk. Just some ribbing, but playful. Anyway, he told me he had to be up early in the morning to go to his parents house for his brothers birthday (a birthday breakfast? I’m not sure). Then he said he also had to stop at a store on the way there to get his brother a gift card. So I’m thinking “typical guy move, getting a gift at the last minute” and said “are you serious 😂”, which he took very personally, that I was questioning his decisions? He got upset because (I didn’t know this) “the store is a half mile from his parents house, and half an hour from where he lives, so why wouldn’t he just stop on the way?” I apologized and said if I had known it would’ve upset him I wouldn’t have said anything. And now he’s blocked me on the site and (I assume) on texts. If I’m able to attach screenshots of my texts with him in the comments, I will, but... AITA for teasing him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
|
TNDYKU9IWo5g20RKzqvE39aqHHndG17f
|
b2ovsq
|
{
"description": "keeping my door locked",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for keeping my door locked?
|
So I’m in college, but Im living at home with my parents till I graduate. My parents get frustrated with me for keeping my door locked when I’m in my room. The reason I do so is because I’m really introverted and I value my privacy.
When I was in my more formative years I’d keep my door closed but not locked. They’d knock once and barge in. I tried to explain to them that it defeats the purpose of knocking if you just swing the door open a second later. The dumb thing is they still attempt to do it. I’ll hear a knock and then they’ll try the door handle just to jiggle it and knock again because it’s locked. Obviously I open the door, I’m not trying to ignore them, but I always get an earful for keeping it locked.
I know it’s their house and everything, but idk why me living there should encroach on my privacy.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
cZRfiZnu7mtWHP9iKDHhGUanpvgMaq2e
|
ak3n9z
|
{
"description": "wanting to talk to my boyfriend even though he was tired",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for wanting to talk to my boyfriend even though he was tired
|
Last night my bf and I were playing a game and calling each other (we don’t live together). We had been playing for an hour and a half when he’s like “I don’t want to play anymore” and left the game. He told me we could still call and talk but he just didn’t want to play. At first I was like why not and tried to get him to play again, but he told me he was tired and planning on sleeping soon. I respected that so I stopped playing and asked if we could FaceTime for a few min before he went to sleep. I just wanted to see him because I barely saw him all day as we both had a pretty busy day. He declined and again told me he was tired and cut me off by saying good night. I tried to reason with him and brought up how minutes ago he literally told me we could talk. Without replying to what I just said, he hung up.
This really ticked me off. It’s pretty rude to just hang up on someone without saying anything to what they just said unless both people make it clear that they’re done conversing (e.g. both people say bye and hang up). So I text him and tell him that it was kind of rude of him to just hang up on me like that and again bring up how he was the one who said we could talk because he didn’t reply when I said it the first time. He texts back saying he said good night and “drifted off” which doesn’t make sense because he’s very awake texting me back less than a minute after he hung up. He then tells me that I’m not respecting him and how tired he is because he had a long day (totally ignoring that I also had a long day) and asks if he really said we could talk as if I just made it up or something. We continue to argue about it for a while and he calls me clingy and problematic which is totally uncalled for. He also claims that we never FaceTime for a few minutes which is false because we’ve literally done it before.
I don’t feel like I’m asked for a lot here, just a few minutes on FaceTime is all. I know he was tired but I feel like he could spare 5 minutes calling me especially if he could spare 30 minutes arguing. AITA for wanting to call him even though he was tired??
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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WRONG
|
iW4mjajpB9f48JhKiNZW38KWqVBrwspP
|
al93j6
|
{
"description": "attempting to confront my wife's lover and trespassing in his home",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for attempting to confront my wife's lover and trespassing in his home?
|
Throwaway, obv.
Sorry for the poor formatting and long winded post. Thanks for reading:
My wife told me 3 months ago that she had feelings for someone else, someone that she met through work. I took it hard, but it was also a wake-up call for me to be a better husband and a better person. After a few weeks she told me the feelings for this other person were gone. Fast forward to a few weeks ago and we were both sick on a morning that we had to get our son to pre-school. I fell asleep and woke up to her fully dressed for the day and saying that our son is in school. I said "wow how did you do that when you were so sick?" and she told me that the co-worker she "used to have a crush on" drove our family car and took him to school. I was furious, and got mad and gave my wife the cold-shoulder for a few days. Now last week, our car has a minor repair needed. She tells me "I'm no good with cars" and that her aforementioned crush should take a look at it. I refused and said I know what happened and how to fix it and I will fix it. She then went behind my back and had this guy look at the car. She lied to me and told me she had her dad look at it (she later admitted lying). Mad, but still determined to prove my worth, I fixed the car no problem. The last straw was this weekend. She was at the store and asked me to take a picture of a recipe in our cookbook. I used the "family ipad" because my phone was dead. The ipad is logged in with her Apple ID, and thus syncs pictures with her phone. When I went to send her the recipe I saw 3 pictures of her vagina close up. I sent her the recipe and said "why do you have pictures of your pussy on the ipad?" I knew that she was sending them to the other guy. She responded "What? Maybe that just turns me on to take those pictures. You don't know how I masturbate anymore". I don't believe her. Then yesterday in our counselling session she admits to having an "emotional affair" with this person and she admits to sending this man pictures of her vagina. I tried to meditate when I got home to calm down but all my brain could think was "go tell this guy that he is messing with the wrong husband and he better back the fuck off". So I did. I did a reverse lookup and went to his house, unannounced. He was home but chose not to open the door after a good 5 minutes of me knocking. I pushed on his front door and it opened. I saw a collection of DVDs on a shelf by the door and knocked them all down and yelled to him "come talk to me like a man. If you want to wreck my home then i will wreck yours". My rational thinking finally kicked in and i realized i better not break anything of value and get the fuck out of there ASAP. My wife called me about an hour later asking me "what the fuck i was doing" and i said "defending my family, and also, fuck you." and hung up. We started our trial separation today. She insists there was nothing physical between them but only her marriage was stopping that. I don't know if i can believe that after her previous lies. I am very calm and peaceful now and honestly going to confront him (doing something about it instead of letting it bother me) felt really good. So, reddit, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
|
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|
WRONG
|
b3MMYlWgCgMf4PkS519s3XL6YAC7khj1
|
b5cecu
|
{
"description": "being Glad my stepmother will die before my dad",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for Being Glad My Stepmother Will Die Before My Dad?
|
Background: my stepmother came into my life when I was about 5 or 6. I am the youngest of five children but the oldest three went with my biological mother. I grew up at odds with my stepmother and sister who generally teamed up on me as my father was working on the road 8-10 months/year.
Fast forward to last year:
Dad had been having a lot of health problems and appeared to be on his death bed. I was taking sick time off just to be with him. He'd go to bed and I'd have a couple drinks to blow off some steam before heading home (90 minute commute). I even cancelled a family trip to China that my wife planned to be by him (lost 1000s in flight and booking fees). Stepmom accuses me of using dad as an excuse to drink. I blow it off.
Chirstmas comes. She asks what my son wants. "A nice RC car." She goes to Big Lots and the damn thing won't turn straight outta the box. Wife gets a super-used silver plated watch with chinks of silver missing everywhere disguised in a new box. Wife and son are upset but I tell them to be grateful. Nothing was said to stepmom. While visiting one day, she takes me aside, stares me right in the face, and accuses me of cheating on my wife. I never have. I blow it off.
Valentine's Day comes and I wish her a happy Ash Wednesday (she is Christian, I am not). She responds by saying she hopes I have something nice planned for my wife. I say we're going to a nice restaurant she wanted to go to. "That's a bad idea. It'll be long waits and terrible service." So I go off on her. No cursing, no name calling, but I brought her to justice on her previous offenses. Her reaction? "We're making a lot of important decisions right now and you just made them easier." Wow. Using my dad's poor health to threaten to take me out of the will (they have a very healthy retirement).
I stopped talking to her. She and my sister stopped talking to us. Come to find out a couple months ago, she went to the hospital for jaundice. Dad is forbidden by her from telling me about her condition but she took a dozen people down to the Bahamas last week so it's probably pretty bad. Also, some of dad's comments lead me to believe she doesn't have long.
I couldn't be happier. My life has been relatively drama free since I cut her out. I am looking forward to spending my dad's last year or two without her in the picture. Not to mention, I think it's just desserts that she used my dad dying against me and now it seems she will go first. AITA here?
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"description": "not giving vegetables to customer who doesn't eat it",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 64
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AITA for not giving vegetables to customer who doesn't eat it?
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So a little background: I'm a local shop owner, who sells different kinds of asian food. I have this customer coming in quite often already. He always orders the same dish, but every time he finished eating he always leave the vegetables untouched resulting in me throwing it away all the time. He pays normally and leave. So everything is neutral, he's not being nice or being rude either.
&#x200B;
Then there was this one time, he came in again and orders his usual dish. But this time i decided, before we are wasting the vegetables again, I will cook less/very few vegetables for him. Then when I brought the food to his table he kinda got angry for having such less vegetables in his dish. I told him you never eat the vegetables so what's the point of cooking it? Then he made quite a scene about it. I didn't want things to get that heated so I calmed him down and cooked the same dish with more vegetables for him. And here I am again throwing away the vegetables.
&#x200B;
I understand a customer should get what he orders but that's such a waste of food. If he doesn't like the vegetables why does he orders it in the first place? So AITA for not giving him vegetables?
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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AITA Customer gets mad over 35 cents.
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Hi, first time poster in this subreddit but here we go. I started working for a larger truck stop company and am responsible for cleaning or working a cash register. This story starts when i was ringing out a customer with a few snack and a cup of ice. Our company wants us to charge for everything, as I am new i charged the 35 cents for the ice cup. The other employee working with me make the comment how he "doesn't charge ice cups and how it's not a big deal". I being new tol him i was just following the rules and charged him any way. At this point the customer freaks out calling me fat and a terrible person. I wa just following the rules. I just finished the transaction just this kinda like wtf is going on face. The customer proceeds to rant that truck drivers " pump millions of dollars into your local economy, and I'm a former US army veteran and he deserves alot more respect from shitty good for nothings like me". I apologized because he felt that way. My manager walked over hearing the commotion and the guy huffs off after getting his name from his dabge. He filed a complaint to corporate and I got wrote up for not providing a pleasant experience for the customer. Am I the Asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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akdsdc
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"description": "leaving my boyfriend and sleeping with my fuckfriend the next day",
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AITA I left my boyfriend and slept with my fuckfriend the next day
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Hi,
I don't really know how to explain it so I will just say the facts and how I feel about them.
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Important: Even if it doesn't seem like it in the story, I'm recognized to always say the truth, even when it's not in my favor. It sound silly said like that but my totem name is lune franche (I'm french, sorry, but it sounds better in french, it means frank moon in english). I know I'm young, and I don't know everything about myself, but please trust me when I say that everything that I say in the next lines will be exacly what I mean (even the thing with soul mates, even that I didn't left my boyfriend because of my fuckfriend)
If you don't trust me on that, please just don't read the next lines, you can think I'm the asshole it's okay, but please don't think that because of something that is not true
&#x200B;
I'm young and it was only a 2 months old relationship so it wasn't a really serious relationship but I want to know if I was in the wrong.
Last monday, I left my boyfriend by texting him. I planned to tell him in real life but my mother forced me to go to the hospital (mononucleosis) and when I returned home, he had left all these kind messages and I just couldn't wait two days to tell him. The next day I had prepared to see my ex-fuckfriend (we didn't slept together when I was with my boyfriend) and sleep together. The friday before that, we hugged (sometimes we do that, it's nothing sexual and my boyfriend was ok with it, because our friendship is more important than the sex we had, and he needs affection sometimes) but it was more than just friendly this time and we just couldn't help it (if there was soul mate for friends/fuckfriends we would be soul mate)(I don't believe in soul mates usually).
I didn't broke up with my boyfriend because of my fuckfriend, he was only the trigger. I wasn't ready to be in a relationship. I needed more liberty and more times for myself (to learn more about myself) and this relationship was not good for me and for him. I kept making limits to the number of times we saw each other (1 time by week). My fuckfriend was the trigger because he reminded me of when I had more liberty and more time for myself.
Also, he really thought that we were going to spend our life together... I mean, we're 15 years old, calm down please.
So when I told him that it was over he insulted me, tried to bargain and apologized. I accepted his apologies obviously but refused to bargain and decided that we would talk about it in real life wednesday.
And tuesday I saw my fuckfriend and we slept together. I decided to do it because I was free, I mean I might as well enjoy it. Now that I think about it, I know that it was because I wasn't good mentally and I just wanted someone to think that what I did was okay
You, do you think it was okay?
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asmkrt
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"description": "removing my mother from my life",
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|
AITA for removing my mother from my life?
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AITA for removing my mother from my life? This happened in 2014.
So, some background. I'm bipolar, as is my brother. My brother had an episode and ended up getting into some trouble and getting hospitalized. My mother said to me, "I just don't know anyone who is bipolar!" I was floored. I told at her how I was bipolar, too, and she knew that and I had been diagnosed several times and attempted suicide several times. When she found out about my first suicide attempt she yelled and screamed at me. She offered no advice or comfort.
When we would talk on the phone the conversations were always one-sided. Every time I would try to say something she would interrupt me. It got to the point where I would just stop what I saying and stay silent for most of the conversation.
When I would get to together with my siblings we would complain about her and her antics. She was once staying the weekend at my sister's to babysit her kids and she re-arranged the entire the kitchen just because she didn't like how it was. My sister and her husband her pissed!
In high school I wanted to walk to school instead of her driving me. This led to a fist fight. She was always quick to hitting us when we were growing up.
So I got really sick in 2013 with Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever. I suffered from chronic pain and couldn't do a lot for myself for a few years. She had helped me out a lot during that time, staying with me and caring for me when I needed her to. She was retired so she had the time to do so. It was a really rough time for me - lots of doctors, lots of procedures, lots of medicines - nothing was helping my pain. I could do nothing that was fun anymore.
So in 2014 I had called her about something and said something about being in pain. She screamed at me on the phone "I am so sick and tired of hearing about your pain!" I was so upset. It was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. Everything that had happened in our relationship had come back in that instant and I yelled back "You will never have to hear about my fucking pain again!" and hung up on her. I haven't spoke to her since. I blocked her on social media. I blocked her from calling or texting me. She can still email, though. She never apologized to me directly, but I have heard through my siblings that she feels bad about it and she tells them she is sorry. The thing is, she didn't talk to her own mother for 14 years as she was toxic. I feel like turn about is fair play. I have always said that all she needs to do is apologize to me, and all will be fine.
My step-mom brings it up every once in a while if I have talked to her. "She is your mother. You need to talk to her." I just don't feel that way. I feel like she is a toxic person. She brings no joy to me or my life. I don't miss her. I feel like I am better off with her not in my life. So, AITA for removing my toxic mother from my life?
TL;DR: I got sick, mother yelled at me, I cussed her out and haven't spoke to her since 2014. AITA?
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AITA for not telling my parents about my long distance partner visiting?
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Light background: I’m a minor, my relationship has been going on for about 2 years or so
So basically, my parents are not very supportive of my LDR and didn’t acknowledge it as valid for over a year and half, and they still might not now. They haven’t been very supportive either, going to say things like “why can’t you like someone closer?” Or “I’m done with all of this,” never asking questions about my significant other, never really attempting to understand and work with it, etc.
She visited for the first time in September of 2018, and that was a whole mess in itself and sh has came to visit this weekend. This was planned in October and it took me weeks to build up the courage to tell them and work it out with them, and the day I planned to, they said they had a vacation planned for when she would be visiting. This would probably cause complications because they wouldn’t want her coming down while they weren’t home, or would have a general problem with it since it’s an LDR, etc.
Fast forward to now, I didn’t tell them and lied about where I was for one night. I came clean to them that night and explained the situation and again explained why I never felt comfortable talking about the visit, or the relationship in general. I know it’s not right to lie, but am I the asshole in the situation or was I justified in being worried and anxious about talking about it?
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RIGHT
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|
AITA for wanting my ex to move out because she won't seek an income?
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Hi there! First time poster here so apologìes if I don't do this right.
For clarification purposes; She's 18, I'm 22 I live in Australia, and Centrelink is basically a pension from the government for being an unemployed job seeker, disabled, carer of a child or some other such condition.
We started out as a one night stand into friends with benefits, and after a few months of this we started dating, and very shortly after that I begrudgingly agreed to let her move in with me after I did up a draft for a joint budget based on an average of the income we both expected her to have and compared to a budget for only my own income (full time work).
I had made very clear before we were even dating that on the off chance I did let her move in with me, she would have to get a job, to which she happily agreed and I very begrudgingly took her word for it, since she had said she had indeed had a few part time jobs in the past.
The whole relationship was rife with arguements near daily, the core of which is that I'm more controlling and inconsiderate than I'd realized, and she's what I'd call 'emotionally volatile'. I won't get into the personal side of things but suffice to say we both got annoyed/angry at the other very regularly.
Anyway, as you can expect things only lasted a few months and now we're broken up but she's still living with me. Throughout the whole relationship she's only put in what I feel is the bare minimum effort the whole time to seek an income. She refused to apply for centrelink because I earn enough that she wouldn't recieve anything anyway, and she didnt want to lie to the government and say we're not together (common pracrice in aus, lol). What she did do is hand out 2 resumès to local pubs for a waitress job (there was no job advertised, she just walked in and applied) and she walked down the road to a local mechanic and got herself an unofficial apprenticeship.
I was quite pleased when she did this as I thought she'd be finally earning a bit of money, but over the exactly 1 month she was there she earned a total of $150 dollars, though she did learn a bit about car mechanics. I had tried to be supportive and didn't mention anything at all about giving some money to me for food or bills.
Last night I brought up that I don't want to support her because she's unwilling to support herself and she got upset and started crying, saying that she already knows and that I'm guilting her and constantly making her feel like shit with my constant reminders.
I feel a bit trapped because if I kick her out she has to go back to her mother, who she says is emotionally abusive, or her father who she says is physically abusive. But if I let her stay I'm having to financially support my lazy ex who I'm constantly having arguements with, and won't do anything to seek an income.
Am I the asshole for wanting to kick her out?
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RIGHT
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azcllk
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"description": "stealing a seat",
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|
AITA for stealing a seat
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Background: so we have a kid at our school he gets mad at the simplest things aka like getting mad for getting a C in a class that counts for 9% of our grade so you know where this is going.
So it’s lunch time so I decide to visit a a friend that I haven’t talked to in a while. I do a thing any normal person would do sit in a seat. The kid walks over to me and asked me in the most non-threatening voice ever “give me my seat” I calmly replayed with “there are other seats at this table for you to sit in” he stomps away to a table with no one at it and cry’s. CRY’S Over a lunch seat. There are no assigned seats at lunch.
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "expecting my boyfriend to tell his ex-wife that he is in a long-term relationship",
"pronormative_score": 9,
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|
AITA for expecting my boyfriend to tell his ex-wife that he is in a long-term relationship?
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I have been in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend for 4 ½ years and we live together. He was previously married for about 6 years, and has been divorced for 11. His ex-wife does not live close by (she is about 700 miles away) and they do not have children. Their marriage ended on relatively amicable terms (they were not compatible and miserable together), so there does not appear to be any kind of lingering hostility.
The ex-wife will periodically initiate contact either through text messages or phone calls, depending on what the circumstance is. It is typically that she needs to vent, is experiencing emotional turmoil or needs his help or advice on something (this can range from something minor like what kind of toaster to buy to what kind of car to buy). Usually the calls or texts will occur when I am not around, but I hear about them so I appreciate the disclosures. Every once in a while she will call or text when I am present and let’s just say he will take the call from another room, etc… The preference is to deal with her as quickly as possible so whatever need there was for the interaction is taken care of.
The frustration I have is after 4½ years he still will not tell her he is in a long-term relationship. After 11 years, walking on egg shells with how this woman will react to anything is still very present and obvious. Often times I let it roll off my back, but there are periods of time where I ask “what is the fear here?” and why the ongoing need to hide this part of his life from her? Everyone around us knows we are in a relationship, and albeit a rather happy one at that.
To some degree, I get that what is going on his life isn’t really her business. They don’t have kids together, they don’t see one another… but honestly, there are times where I want to scream that he needs to f------g deal with it and take care of telling her. The longer he waits, the ease of telling her diminishes…. and frankly 4 ½ years? Is it going to be 6? 7? 10?
AITA for expecting him to just bite the bullet and tell her? Honestly, he’s moved on in his life, but she is a constant presence. I know I would be the huge asshole if I found her contact information and took care of telling her myself.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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aymjqw
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|
AITA for saying ‘black guy’ when describing a video?
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So, I was talking to my sister about music and music videos when I was trying to describe what turned out to be the song Never Forget You by someone, I don’t remember who. All I remembered from the video was there was the girl singing with a Where the Wild Things Are like monster, and a black guy on a beach. After saying these things to jog her memory, she was upset because saying black guy isn’t right. We were speaking very casually so I was only describing physical aspects of the video that she could see in her minds eye. If I was wrong to say this, how should I describe skin tones as to not make this mistake again? Thanks
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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atk588
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{
"description": "not wanting to do my wife's chores",
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"contranormative_score": 27
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|
AITA for not wanting to do my wife's chores?
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My wife and I have been together for 8 years and moved in together when we were in college 6 years ago. Ever since we moved in together we've had the same chores. I take out the trash, vacuum and fold my laundry. This has worked out great for us. Now, my wife wants to change how things have always been and is asking me to help her with some of her chores like doing the dishes and laundry. She says that she is too busy and doesn't have time to do everything since she started her new job but I know thats not true since she spends at least an hour on her computer every night. I don't think its fair for her to change our chores because its always been this way and I'm not sure I would have married her if I knew she was going to expect me to do all this stuff around the house. I feel like I already do way more that I should be doing.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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"description": "reporting a man who was making lewd comments at a nude beach, but actually turned out to be an outburst of Tourette's",
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|
AITA for reporting a man who was making lewd comments at a nude beach, but actually turned out to be an outburst of Tourette’s?
|
I’ll try to keep this as short as possible! I’m a European transplant who’s been on assignment in Miami, USA for a year now. I love it here, and we have a pretty famous and well known nude beach that’s popular amongst local, visitors, and European tourists as well.
I go to the beach a few times a month because 1) awesome year round Miami Beach weather, and 2) I miss having nude beaches everywhere like we do in Europe (I hate tan lines!). I most recently went to the beach yesterday (Tuesday) around 11am, so it wasn’t too crowded. The place gets PACKED on weekends, as the beach is a couple miles long but only about 0.4 miles is sectioned as the nude beach, and 95% of visitors to the beach go to the nude section.
So I get there, am laying on my towel reading my book enjoying the nice day, and an older gentlemen comes onto the beach and sets up his chair behind me, but not directly behind me, a little of to my left side. Mind you, of course, I’m fully naked, so where’s he’s at, he’s got a full on view of my ass cheeks. He sets his stuff up and about ten minutes later I start hearing comments, very sexual, quick comments ( I won’t repeat them but you can imagine what he was saying) and then I realized he was talking about me (he mentioned my tattoo that I have on my upper back so I know he was looking). The comments got more sexual in nature, but they were very quick outbursts, and stopped until he started again. At this point I got up and walked away, found a beach worker (they take reports of unwanted sexual behavior, which obviously isn’t allowed on a public beach, pretty seriously). A few minutes later the worker comes up and tells the man that he needs to move his chair and stop making comments or else he’ll be asked to be removed from the beach.
Now, the man says he has Tourette’s. I instantly started to feel bad (I wasn’t standing there with them but could overhear from where I was) but I genuinely thought he was making lewd, unwanted comments. He moved his chair to a group of men who are regulars and just arrived, and about two hours later when I left the beach, one of the regulars came up to me and told me I should’ve refrained from escalating the situation because the man has Tourette’s and I could’ve told him to stop on my own first, and that it was genuinely rude of me to do that.
AITA here? I genuinely had no idea he had Tourette’s, and there’s been a few incidents of creepy men on the beach making actual unwanted sexual advances, and they seem to only actually stop when confronted by beach workers, which is why I brought it up to them first, instead of talking to the guy first.
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RIGHT
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afrb1e
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"description": "not saying hello to my MIL",
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|
AITA for not saying hello to my MIL?
|
Some background: been married 5+ years, together 10. My husband’s mother has been an issue in our relationship since day one. He is an only child. The first day I ever met her, she spent over an hour telling me about every girl he’d ever dated, making sure to point out one of his exes was a lawyer (I’m a teacher). She is very possessive and controlling.
Anyway, in late June, we were having a garage sale. My in-laws dropped off a bunch of stuff they didn’t want and told us we could keep the profit, which was nice. My MIL insisted on pricing all of her items, and was adamant that we did not take any less than she wanted. Odd, but whatever.
One day before our sale, I was hanging out in my neighbor’s driveway; my husband was at the gym. I got a text from my husband saying that his parents would be by to “check on things;” his mom wanted to make sure everything looked the way it should. It is not usual that my in-laws just show up with little notice, and I wasn’t really doing anything, so this didn’t bother me. They did not give us an approximate arrival time, and my husband said he’d be home soon.
Shortly thereafter, my in-laws arrive while I’m still at my neighbor’s. I live in a residential suburb and our houses are very close together and have short driveways; I waved at my father in law and he waved back. I intended to finish my conversation/activity with my neighbor and then would go back to my garage to speak to my in-laws.
Less than 5 minutes after they arrived, they got in their car and left. I found out later that my MIL bitched to high heaven about how rude I was for not coming over to my garage immediately after their arrival.
So, like I said, that was in June. Fast forward to this Christmas. We went to my MIL’s family home for the holiday (I really like her family). She barely spoke to me, which isn’t unusual for her (I never know if she’s going to try to be my best friend or if I’ll get the cold shoulder). At the end of the evening, she and my FIL were getting ready to leave. I hugged my FIL goodbye, but when I approached my MIL, she turned around and walked out the door.
I told my husband I thought that was odd, and his response was, “I don’t know, maybe she’s still mad about the garage sale.”
It is not unusual for her to get really pissed and hold grudges over things I perceive as petty (she absolutely freaked out at me when I suggested we make a donation to the American Cancer Society in our wedding guests’ name instead of favors; she was very angry at me about that for a while). However, she was at my home and I didn’t greet her.
So, let me have it. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
qYbzA8aDWdFLy7YcRBsM18LT702xARYK
|
b2nt21
|
{
"description": "taking my daughter to get her hair dyed against my wifes wish",
"pronormative_score": 106,
"contranormative_score": 33
}
|
WIBTA if I took my daughter to get her hair dyed against my wifes wish?
|
So, my daugther will be turning 17 in a month and wished to dye her hair turqouise/blue for her birthday.
I honestly don't see a problem with that, hair dye is temporary and she's old enough to decide what she wants to do with her hair.
Well, my wife disagrees. She thinks it's a sign of teenage rebellion - I told her I doubt that since my daugther asked us if that would be and acceptable present - and is worried people will think she's "rowdy" and that our family will look like we have problems.
I tried to talk it over with her, but she thinks it'll result in her grades getting worse and her slacking of in general. (I really don't see the connection.)
I love my daughter and know how badly she wants to dye her hair, so would I be the asshole if I just took her to get her hair dyed for her birthday?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 76,
"EVERYBODY": 18,
"NOBODY": 30,
"INFO": 4
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 106,
"WRONG": 33
}
|
RIGHT
|
tj6GU7RBCyGHSEQNMur9jUJdMtznwuCJ
|
9yavwr
|
{
"description": "accepting casino cashier paying me extra $25 after warning her she gave me too much",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I accepted casino cashier paying me extra $25 after warning her she gave me too much?
|
Title pretty much says it all. Played some poker, was cashing out for $343 after a 1/2 session. Lady behind the counter counts it out to $368 (She must have thought I had 5 green $25 chips). I look down at the chips I gave her and do a quick count (there's 40 $5 red chips on a little rack I handed her, 4 green $25 chips, and another 8 $5 chips + 3 $1 chips equaling $343. I say "m'am I don't want you to get in trouble but you're giving me too much money, it should be $343". She seems a little distracted, counts it again and comes up with $368 again. I say "m'am, there's 200 in the rack, 100 in green chips next to it, and 5...10...15...20..25..30..35..40..41.42.43 outside the rack. So she finally recounts it and thanks me, and I go on my merry way.
&#x200B;
Cliffs: WIBTA if I accepted an extra $25 from casino cashier after correcting her mistake, but her repeating the mistake after I pointed it out to her?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
mQp3kp0VcRO7hFbsA0BkLa1FIubOl7Q8
|
aeopc9
|
{
"description": "leaving my dysfunctional family behind",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for leaving my dysfunctional family behind?
|
(I’m on mobile so sorry for poor formatting)
Context:
My family has a lot of issues. My sister is very entitled, and my mother and father should get divorced but stay together to keep up appearances. My sister ran away multiple times when she was younger, and I had severe depression and anxiety over her breakdowns. My family wants me to settle down and have kids, and I’m a gay celibate.
I’m about to go into college, and I don’t want to talk to them after I move out and I’m financially independent.
There are a lot of things I love about my family, but a lot of their behaviors make it really hard for me to love them. Would it be an asshole thing to leave? All advice is welcomed, including rude awakenings. Thanks.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
bGknxpuvkBiQiSiQzifDUFGckPC21THd
|
b6tudf
|
{
"description": "ghosting someone until he broke up with me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ghosting someone until he broke up with me?
|
When I was about 15, I got into an online relationship with someone (yes I was dumb) my age through a mutual skype group. We had the same sense of humor and interests and he seemed super cool.
Eventually, I found out I had feelings for a friend IRL and he was entering his freshman year of highschool. I thought it would be healthier for us both to seek relationships in real life, and I also kind of felt suffocated in a relationship where I didn’t have a voice, so I broke it off with him. I told him that he should look for someone IRL and this blew up in my face resulting in him telling me that “you can’t break up with me because that’s not a good enough reason to”. I dated him for about a week after that before actually putting my foot down because I’m kind of a doormat.
We remained friends for a few months but he was constantly telling me how he was depressed and lonely, and that he didn’t know how to go on without me. I know that stuff is messed up but he did have mental health issues so I have a hard time blaming him or considering it deliberate. Eventually I was worn down enough that I got back together with him even though I really didn’t want to because I was scared of what he would do to himself if I didn’t.
Over the following months of us “dating” I tried to interact with him, but I often became exhausted in a relationship I didn’t want. I also had very serious personal issues happening IRL, that he ignored in favor of chewing me out for avoiding him. I would cut contact with him without warning for over a week sometimes just so I could get myself together and in a mental state where I could handle interacting with him.
Cutting contact got him so upset that eventually he didn’t really have a choice other than breaking up with me. He later went on to claim this was abuse because he had bpd and I was his “favorite person” and ghosting him was simulating abandonment. For a while I felt really awful and genuinely saw my actions as abusive until I told my friends about it and they said it was the other way around.
It’s been a long time since then but I still feel very conflicted on my own actions, and whether there’s even a “wrong person vs right person” in the given scenario. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
63e24qBQS9AGvqXZoFXlgufS2aBzRDZr
|
b1yaxg
|
{
"description": "putting a toilet seat in our dishwasher",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for putting a toilet seat in our dishwasher?
|
This is an old argument, but my ex-wife brought it up today and I was wondering. Some backstory:
We used to live in an old farmhouse and the first, FIRST thing I did was install dampened, quick release toilet seats in the two bathrooms to prevent slamming and ease cleaning. However, since we were on well water that had a high sulfur content, no matter what I did to clean the underside of the seats, they would eventually get hard water deposits on them that would turn some various shade of yellow. I spent two years cleaning the seats by hand (wife didn't like cleaning bathrooms - it made her sick) but I would have to remove all the seats monthly and soak them in a tub in one of the outbuildings for an hour or two to get the stains out.
After the second year I noticed that any plastics from the kitchen I put in the dishwasher, all of which suffered the same sulfur curse as the rest of the house, came out clean. Our soap holder above the sink, the dishrack, etc. responded pretty well to a dishwasher cycle. So I tried the toilet seats. And guess what? IT F\*\*KING WORKED LIKE MAGIC!
Since I was working at home at the time and taking care of the house, I think I did this for four months before my then-wife discovered what I was doing and I explained it. I wasn't trying to hide it, she just wasn't home when I was washing the toilet seats. It turned into a blowout argument, which wasn't unusual, but she refused to use the dishwasher until I replaced it and she made me throw out all the dishes. She was obviously angry at me for putting a toilet seat in the dishwasher, but I was equally angry at having to throw out all the dishes, because dishwashers clean things, right? It's not like there's going to be special dirt left over from a toilet seat.
I realize there are some things you can't put in a dishwasher, like oil-coated carburetors or dirty parts from a car, because you're ruining the water pump in the dishwasher. Toilet seats don't do that.
We've been split up for five years, but every time we have an argument, which is rare since we don't live anywhere near each other anymore, she brings up the toilet seat in the dishwasher. She's told it to multiple friends, posted it on Facebook, and otherwise tried to use it to shame me. I don't think I'm in the wrong, however.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
Xxu4NhfwoC7UQldBaZ15JRWc0B0dtnME
|
afhwj6
|
{
"description": "asking my roommate to limit the amount of times she brings her bf to our dorm",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my roommate to limit the amount of times she brings her bf to our dorm
|
I currently reside in a dorm with two other girls, the room is quite small with each of us owning a small corner of the room. We all started on good terms with each other, but I've been having difficulties with my one roommate who keeps inviting her BF over. When ever I walk in the room he's always there with her, it's like I live in a quad. They mostly just cuddle, study, and sleep next to each other (vanilla stuff), I really wouldn't mind if it wasn't for the fact that he's there from the afternoon to the next morning everyday (plus it's super awkward to have constant romantic bs in the bag). Would I be the asshole if I asked her to limit the time he's there, I've never lived in a dorm before so I don't want to over step my boundaries and cause to much tension for next semester.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
zF8UQ6fnaJyLxtwKO6UOfZe5JYTlw0NP
|
arsgw9
|
{
"description": "snitching on my friend for throwing an iceball at my face",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for snitching on my friend for throwing an iceball at my face
|
There's a library right outside my school, with a relatively large open field right next to it. Me and my friends would go there to have snowball fights every once and a while.
&#x200B;
So, I am having a snowball fight with 3 other people here and it's all well and good until one of my friends grabs this football sized iceball and slams it right on my face. So, my nose starts bleeding and I walk over into the library to go to the bathroom when one of my friends offers to go in the library and grabs some napkins for me. I accept this and wait right outside for him to come back. When he does, I put the napkins on my nose and sat on one of the chairs outside. All goes well and good until the library security come outside to see what happened. (This happens right as the bleeding stops) and he leads me into his office, shows security camera footage of the guy who threw the iceball at me, I point him out and the security thanks me and then allows me to leave. Now I was just dicking around with my friends until I heard from one of them that he saw the guy walking out of the library crying. He told me that he got suspended from the library for a week.
&#x200B;
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
WRONG
|
ZKxD9ZEILqbVyIt03AWyMZCc3VUbI8sU
|
aq93lv
|
{
"description": "not giving him my notes",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving him my notes?
|
There’s this one guy, who’s from my hometown so I kinda know him, who always asks to borrow my notes. I know he’s got some personal issues (his father is sick, his mother is unemployed) so I help him.
Instead of paying attention to the lectures he plays Hearthstone on his phone; he refuses to go home too because his father needs help with the garden and he doesn’t want to work either.
Today he came to me and wanted my notes on constitutional law (which is A LOT of stuff), I said no and he called me a bitch.
I feel really bad because I have some problems too and can understand his behavior, but at this point he’s just exploiting me.
Am I being mean? What should I do?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
DsaK5Ojqvc0TMtJnIBzU9hQfRBwlxIm5
|
b173i9
|
{
"description": "Ignoring Beggars of all kinds",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
Aita For Ignoring Beggars of all kinds?
|
I used to be fairly understanding to beggars, and would usually give a dollar or two if they ask from me. However, last year I had an experience with two beggars where they asked me to buy McDonald for them and I did, but then ended up asking for much more than necessary (over $20 from like large milkshakes, chicken nuggets, etc etc). So I put my foot down and only bought them a 20 piece nugget. After that terrible experience, I have taken to ignoring beggars of all sorts and refuse to hear any one of them out.
Just now studying in a cafe, a mother carrying her child tapped on the desk near me (I had headphones in) and I took off my headphones to talk. She asked me to help and immediately I put my headphones back on without hearing her out at all. I felt really bad for that... so AITA if I continue to treat beggars this way?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
vl1ScQyIAat21uklJTkAa1d4opvV6vV7
|
9zhl1x
|
{
"description": "getting upset that my girlfriend decided to ditch me for Thanksgiving",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting upset that my girlfriend decided to ditch me for Thanksgiving?
|
When we got our new place we told each other that we would have Thanksgiving together and finally be free of the over-the-top 6 hour family dinners. I have no family here, I moved up here from all across the US to be with my girlfriend. Yesterday, she told me that shes going to have dinner at her parents house, which means that I am going to be totally home alone.
She was supposed to do the groceries because my schedule has consisted of pulling crazy long shifts from 8 am-11 pm. We wanted to have a bonding activity where we just whip up something together and I looked in the fridge to realize she didn't do any shopping even though shes been home almost every day.
Eating with her family is not an option. Her mother physically attacked me a couple months ago and I refuse to step foot in the house in fear for my own safety. I was also surprised to hear this news because she doesn't have a good relationship with her family and wants nothing to do with them. I got really upset and told her that what she's doing isn't exactly cool, especially if we had planned out our Thanksgiving. She told me its not fair that I'm making her choose between me and her family. I told her I don't get it because she doesn't even like her family in the first place.
I just feel like shit. I've been crying alone. I am embarrassed. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
GeQIqIy8jG9Km6OQnFy3duUkY7aDWbN7
|
ar8nj5
|
{
"description": "expecting my dad to put gas in my car after borrowing it",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for expecting my dad to put gas in my car after borrowing it?
|
My dad recently borrowed my car while his was in the shop(this has happened often recently). The thing is 3 of the last 4 times he's borrowed my car he has returned it with an empty or nearly empty tank, no matter how full it was when he received the car. He plays the lottery 3-4 times a day at around $7 each time but never has any money for gas. The last time he returned my car below E, I ended up late to an important appointment. The time before that I wasn't able to go to class because I had no money and once again no gas. I complained to my mom saying that I hope he doesn't return my car on E like he usually does. Yesterday, he let us know his car was ready and told us to go pick it up from the shop. When my mom texted him letting him know that we had picked up his car she also said "Please put some gas in dontaskplease's car when you return it". What followed was him calling everyone petty and saying it was rude for us to mention gas at all. In our family group chat he said, "Whenever I use don'taskplease's car -- I wash it; I vacuum it; I put gas in it; I put oils in it!! If I don't put gas in it it's because I don't have money .Too Hard to think and understand and resolve in your own head on your own!!
Keep pettiness to yourself!!"
"I do too much.... I sacrifice and put myself last too much for any of you to not allow yourself the grace and the reason to slow your roll and your suspicion or to process things that may appear to be a slight against you. If I ever don't put Chas in your car, it's because I don't have the money. You ever wonder why your oil, power steering Fluids never run dry... ??
Smh.....Young lady ... do not grow up petty!! Think higher !! No one is out to take advantage of you-- especially your father!!
Thank you!! "
In response I asked him not to react to a simple request with such negativity and name calling and I explained the reason I mentioned it was because of the inconvenience it has caused me and because I felt like he didn't care if I couldn't get to school or work because he had used all of my gas. What annoyed me most was that he never once just told me" Hey, I don't have any money for gas, so the car's on E, I'll get you some gas later," he always just left me with no gas and let me find out about it when it was time for me to be somewhere. Lastly, I said, "I hope that you will treat others' commitments and responsibilities with the care that you put into your own! Thank you." I don't even want to lend him my car anymore.
I am so frustrated by how overblown this whole situation has become. I always make sure to thank him when I notice he's changed the fluids or cleaned the car. I felt bad after reading about not having money because I know that he's stressed because of our family's financial difficulties. We don't have a great relationship and he and I butt heads every once in a while. I know I may just be annoyed about everything else leading up to this but AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
r2c9qcG9aHvLem92J3OPgv3iRJq5HvIh
|
aate0o
|
{
"description": "not telling a suspicion about a girl cheating",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not telling a suspicion about a girl cheating?
|
So I [2x m] had a homie, Dan, [2x m] who was dating this crazy cat lady [2x f]. We were childhood friends and nobody was closer than we were. Our friendship ended shortly after his relationship with his girl for related reasons.
After a solid month of them dating, she was posting some pics about her and another bro, “Luis.” This is unusual because this chick only posts about cats. I had a suspicion that she liked Luis but had no proof. I didn’t know if Luis was interested in her so I made a joke to Luis that he’s got a new girl. He said nah fam so I thought that he’s doing nothing.
This girl was so crazy about Luis that there were albums full of pics of him and posts dedicated to him. Heck, girl had more pics of him on social media than pics of Dan. Somehow, I was the only one who was suspicious of crazy girl. If she had pics of me like that, I’d tell her to put them down. I don’t do that.
Months later, she gets caught making out with Luis cuz she was only using Dan the man. She figured Luis didn’t want a relationship so she toyed with Dan. Now, Dan hears about this, acts like a pisser. He wanted me to beat up Luis and I was like bro I don’t want to be behind a cell.
Luis somehow makes it up with Dan. Dan starts becoming a drug addict and an alcoholic. Anyways, this crazy cat girl starts posting up pics of some schmuck who looked real squeaky clean. I don’t like guys like that. Makes me question them when they that good and clean. So, I guessed that girl is cheating with this clean dude. I don’t confront it but I kept it to myself. Never said a word to Dan.
Months later, it turns out she was cheating clean guy for several months. She got caught in her cat filled apartment. I was the only bro not surprised so Dan figured that I somehow knew and it broke his trust. He said I’m the asshole for never telling him on some dude I don’t even know.
AITA? This girl is obvi and it ain’t my fault Dan is blind. Also, it ain’t my business.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
4HXh96QrMoGxY8YPl1Oof6vjcrFOUfRr
|
ao6nwd
|
{
"description": "getting irritated because of my parents' table manners",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For getting irritated because of my parents' table manners?
|
I don't want to sound rude. I have not told it to them on the face, because I am sure their reply will be something like "it's our way of enjoying food" or harmless,yet tiring remarks about me acting like an American because I have a couple of American friends. I am indian. So telling them is going to have a predictable response.
I sit down with them to eat everyday, and the sucking fingers every 2 bites, licking the plate clean, wiping their mouth with the same tissue they wiped their sweat with and sucking in food and making a loud noise when it's perfectly simple and okay to eat it without making that sound makes me angry at times. I geniunely feel like sitting less with my parents during dinner time to avoid this at times.
Am I being too spoiled or silly? I geniunely don't know. I hope you all could help.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
S2qU1wNLg85igOtMUSyUWhA72oVXvxSQ
|
av7geb
|
{
"description": "being upset that my friend lied about her whereabouts",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset that my friend lied about her whereabouts?
|
Jessica and I (21F) were best friends in high school, but she now goes to university on the opposite side of the country. Nowadays, we only see each other 2-3 times a year. We're no longer as close as we used to be, but she still has a special place in my heart, and I've always assumed she felt the same way about me.
In December, I texted Jessica to ask if she would be coming home for Christmas. She texted back, "Sorry, I'm too busy to fly home this year! See you in the summer." I thought, okay, no big deal.
Then one day, closer to Christmas, Jessica sent a Snapchat to a group that I'm part of. It was a picture of her sister (who lives in our hometown), and the background looked vaguely like a restaurant in our hometown. I wasn't really paying attention, so I thought maybe it was just an old picture. But the next day, Jessica sent another Snapchat to the same group, and it was a video of herself that also looked a lot like it was taken in our hometown.
I texted our group chat (which has 5 other people in it) to ask "Hey Jess, are you back home?" and received no immediate response. Our group chat moves pretty fast, so the message got buried quickly and I wasn't sure if Jessica ever saw it.
The night of December 25th, I received a text from Jessica. She said, "Hey, Merry Christmas! I actually did fly back to \[hometown\]. It was only for a few days though. I knew I wouldn't have time to hang out with you so I didn't bother telling you. I'll see you in the summer."
I was with our other friend when I received that text. I showed him and he told me, "Yeah, I bumped into Jessica at the mall on December 23rd. She told me not to tell you. She didn't have time to hang out with you and felt bad about it."
I said, "Then why did she send me those Snapchats that were clearly taken in our hometown?"
He said, "I don't know. I guess she forgot that she was supposed to be lying to you."
This really upset me at the time. I'm a mature adult who understands people have different priorities and get busy. If Jessica had just told me the truth, I would've been okay with it. But the way she handled things, it felt like she didn't care about me. And the fact that she didn't even do a good job of lying and sent those Snapchats is just the cherry on top.
For the record, I didn't hold a grudge against Jessica for this. I never brought it up again after that one text, and our friendship is still going strong today. But I can't believe she lied to me (and made our other friends lie to me too).
Is this justified or AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
QDykSH2qpRooE79wsBBT6LSAxCfqZjoF
|
aig5ta
|
{
"description": "being mad about friends planning our trip without telling me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being mad about friends planning our trip without telling me ?
|
We are a group of four friends in our final year of high school. We are planning to go to South Korea this summer after we graduate to visit one of our other friend, and we've been planning this trip for a while, but delaying buying plane tickets because we are still unsure of the dates on which we will go.
Because in order to pay for my expenses during the whole month we will stay in the country, I have to work in July, as well as another one of my friends (let's call her S). Last friday, I learned that the other two (let's call them J and M) planned on going to buy plane tickets together this week on wednesday, which is a problem because :
a) our parents were supposed to meet and help us sort everything out to make sure we were all on the same page before buying the tickets
b) I'm taking my photo for my passport and doing some other really important stuff for the trip on wednesday, and so is my other friend S
c) the departure date falls right on the last day of July, and as I don't know where I will work exactly, and what my schedule will be like, I don't want to miss a day and not get paid. They KNOW that S and I can't go if we don't work, and they won't budge.
d) we were supposed to buy them all together
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When I expressed that I felt betrayed they took this decision selfishly without telling us, they basically replied that they want them now and are worried about the prices rising, which I can understand, but I doubt waiting two more weeks will change anything to the price. It's supposed to be a trip we are taking as a friend group, but the more time passes the more I wonder if I even want to go if they act that way.
It really hurts me because it felt like they purposely make this harder for us, and when I talk to them about it they get really defensive, bringing up how long we waited as some kind of excuse.
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AITA for yelling at someone else’s kid
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Yesterday was Christmas and all of my family was in my parents house with their kids. A little background I have a 7yr son who has mild autism which makes it a little hard for him to fit in with the other kids. Ok back to the story, at one point in the day my cousin’s daughter 13yr was messing with my son by taking his toys that my mother keeps in the house for him and hiding them from him which made him upset. And later on she started making me made by telling my sister’s kids that my son was a, ”Retard.” Then came to me nudged me and said, “Is your son a retard so I snapped and yelled at this kid, “YOU CAN’T CALL MY SON A RETARD!” All of my family members of course heard me, and the girl started crying. Her mom get mad at me for, “Using that language around her.” And I was blowing up inside so much that I couldn’t stay so I grabbed my son and husband and walked out with every watching.
It feels good writing this down and I just want a little feedback on if that was the write thing to do which I know it wasn’t.
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AITA for telling my date to give up on his dream of a major career in the music industry ?
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I’ve been going out with a very nice guy for a while. When we first met he introduced himself as a «Musician/artist » and he told me all about his dreams of making it in the music industry. Not knowing much about him at the time, I was polite and I told him how great it was for him to firmly believe in his dreams.
Over the next few dates he would play some of his music, it was very basic electronic music with very few unimpressive vocals, the type anyone can produce at home on a laptop. I later went and checked all the music he posted on different platforms and they all had very few following aside from some kind words from his friends. Nevertheless I was still nice and didn’t make any remarks about it.
We were starting to get closer, and one afternoon we decided to meet up for coffee. The whole time he complained about his job, ( he worked as a server, but always said it was a part time temporary thing, even though that’s all he done his entire life). He complained about not being able to make ends meet , and having debt he should repay. He also recently had to move from his apartment to a basement because he couldn’t keep up with the expenses.
That was when I, a very honest and objective person decided to dish it out for him. I started off by asking him about his career plans, and when he started to talk about the music, I interrupted him and said, « no, real plans ». I tried to be as kind as I can, but At the same time I wanted to him to hear that, I told him that he doesn’t really have a chance at a big music career, and that he should focus on something more realistic that will help him establish a stable life. He was pushing thirty and haven’t had a job other than a server. I made all my points, which were all valid.
I felt like I was just being blunt and honest and trying to show him the situation as it for him to get realistic.
Am I the asshole here?
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AITA for being an inconsiderate vaper?
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After 15 years of being a smoker I finally quit by transferring my smoking addiction across to vaping. During my breaks I like to stretch my legs (go for walks) and gratify my nicotine dependence. I work in the CBD, so the pathways I walk on are usually fairly crowded.
Cigarettes do produce a bit a smoke, but nothing like the streams of cloud my vape pen does. I know when I walk down the street I am engulfing the pedestrians behind me in a dutchie of sweet scented nicotine, and I have received several dirty looks. The problem is I like to walk while vaping, I don't want confine myself to an out-of-the-way area.
Is the onus on me to restrict my vaping locations, or should non-vapers take some personally responsibility if they wish to avoid vape clouds? AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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AITA I've been avoiding someone who helped me out when I really needed it because of the stress it's caused
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This past summer, I needed a place to stay while some legal and family issues were cleared up. A friend let me stay on his couch, and a very complicated situation I'll try to explain without too much details ensued.
Originally, I was only going to crash on Dave's couch for a few days. For context, he was in his early 20's and living with his family. The first night I stayed over, I had just gotten my most valuable things out of my car (all my clothing, my laptop and a box of books) and brought them into the apartment, as Dave is in the war zone of my city. Being the socially anxious person I am and feeling much like I'm a high school sleep over again, I never ask where to put my stuff and just put it Dave's room. Half an hour later, I see a few bed bugs cross the sleeping bag I'm sitting on. This changes my ability to couch surf, as my stuff soon became infested with bed bugs.
I was homeless, without a job and really needed a place to stay and didn't want to make anyone hate me by dealing with bed bugs and having me on their couch... So I felt a bit stuck. I'm there for longer than I expected or wanted to be, and by the first month Dave's mom has put me on the rotating chore chart. I don't mind, i really needed the help.
During the third month, Dave's mom Susan, who is disabled, wants me to go to work as her caregiver. I feel like I can't say no, and become her caregiver, immediately getting overworked and overwhelmed when Susan kicks Dave out for a bunch of reasons. I buy a mini fridge so I have a place for my food so that it doesn't get seen by other members of the house. This entire time I'm sharing a room with Susan because Dave's room is utterly infested with bugs and I'm having very allergic reactions to it. I mention to Susan wanting to find another living arrangement because I just don't feel like I'm doing well, but any time I bring it up Susan is having a crisis about kicking Dave out.
I spend the next two or so months constantly comforting Susan about kicking Dave out, when suddenly he shows up to get his cat, who Susan was trying to keep from giving him. He is forced to give the keys back to his mom before this happens so he can't just show up and take the cat without drama. By now, Susan has all her neighbors convinced I'm her son, and is refusing let pest control into the apartment under the guise of being allergic to the pesticides. She hasn't told the apartment about the bed bugs because she can't afford the treatment bills. I mention another living situation, by now Susan is knitting me an Xmas stocking. I feel trapped, my therapist was telling me to get out of the house more.
By now it was the fall, and I couldn't leave the house without Susan needing me to do something for her. My paycheck is now going to household expenses, and other things that was never discussed. Susan is constantly asking me to fill her gas tank. I'd give her $20, she'd put in maybe $5 or $10 and spend the rest.
By now, it's the beginning of October and I can't go run errands with Susan and buy a drink for myself while we're out without buying her one, as well as one each for her kids. I get told this when I come home from being out of the house for a while with a soda in hand. Her youngest is sad because when I leave the house, I come back with soda sometimes and he feels left out. The first time she said this, I went out of my way to 5 stores to find this obscure brisk tea flavor, only not to be able to find it. I talk to the kid and explain how I looked for it but couldn't find it. His mom tells me where she buys it, as if I was being lazy.
By now it's October, she wants me to buy her kids Halloween costumes. She started the month before with the whole "I can't afford my kid's costumes" and I just ignore it. A few days before Halloween, i get a call that says I need to get home because it's a serious problem. The 16 year old doesn't know what she's going to be for Halloween. It's this big chaotic mess--they want me to buy her vampire fangs that are $25 because Dave had those, and wouldn't tell her where he got them. I shit you not, when I say I don't know if I can afford it, she ran to her room and slammed the door. I regret that purchase. I start spending the night at my parents house. While there I discovered the legal issue was clear.
By Thanksgiving, Susan assumes I'm going to be there despite me telling her from the beginning of the month it's not an option. I feel very drained. Three before Thanksgiving, she shows me all the food she's cooking for dinner. The next morning I wake up with shingles. I'm in so much pain, I cry. I smoked a pack of cigarettes. I cried by the apartment mailbox Midway through the night. I didn't get to sit down until 6, and I got there at 7:30am...I was supposed to be at my parents house at 4:30 by the latest for dinner. I'm not feeling well. For three days I can't do much, but I finally get to the doctor and get a diagnosis for shingles.
I tell Susan, then a few days later she tries to get me to spend the night for babysitting. I either ignored it or told her I couldn't, that I was still contagious, and not feeling well. It was all over my butt, left let and lower back. Clothes were very hard to wear.
It's now the end of January, and Susan has tried contacting me a few times. I've been avoiding her... Last Wednesday she was behind me on the highway and called my phone, but I had a panic attack and didn't answer. The following day she showed up to my parents house and I was afraid of answering the door. My mail is still getting sent to her address and I'm still recovering from some stuff.
Am I the asshole for ghosting Susan? She really helped me when I needed it, but I just can't put up with the chaos anymore. I feel like a dick, but I did try to communicate a lot of things before I stopped. I would like to get my things back from her apartment, since at the time of my leaving we had it under control and hadn't seen any bugs in months.... But I'm still wary of that.
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"description": "not letting my cousin borrow something",
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AITA for not letting my cousin borrow something?
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This is going to be kinda difficult to explain, but I’ll try my best. Also, I’m on mobile.
Some backstory; I’ve had a rough relationship with my fathers side of the family. My aunt is really demanding and more often then not gets what she wants. My cousin is a few years younger than me, and I used to be really close with her, but when she decided to do some bad decisions, I cut all ties with her. She had to move to an institution.
Now, where I live we have this very expensive national costume which we have for very special occasions, such as the national holiday or weddings and such. These would cost around 2500$. They take months to make.
When people are around 15 yo, we have this huge celebration, and this is kinda a big deal. And most girls get these national costumes for this day. I was one of these, and i absolutely love mine.
But since my cousin have been in and out of intuitions, I don’t think she had the time to get one. And my aunt just suddenly asked if she could borrow mine. I was kinda flustered, and didn’t know what to say, so I just awkwardly agreed. I didn’t really want to, because I had been looking forward to wearing it the whole year.
I should note that my cousin is a bit bigger than me, and it probably wouldn’t fit, but I have a bigger sister and my aunt just assumed she would also be fine lending hers out if mine is too small.
I told my mom about this some time later, and she was all “ no, absolutely not. It’s made for you, and you only get to wear it once a year. And what if something happened to it? Who would be responsible?” So I agreed, but I don’t know what to think. I really wouldn’t like giving it away, but feel kinda bad, since she hasn’t had the opportunity to get one. And even if I don’t talk to her much, she’s still my cousin,and this day is special. Am I in the wrong?
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AITA for not wanting to meet my dad's new girlfriend?
|
Throwaway because reasons.
About a year and a half ago, my parents split under tough circumstances. In short, my dad had an affair and my mom found out. It was really shocking and hard on the whole family, as my dad had always been a really stand-up guy, and they divorced a few months after she discovered what was going on.
My dad is currently in a relationship with the woman he was having that affair with; they live together, he has a relationship with her (grown) children, the whole nine. Recently, he called and asked if I wanted to come out and visit them - I live in CA and he lives in FL. I told him in no uncertain terms that this was not something I would be interested in, as i did not have any desire to meet or get to know his new girlfriend, and likely never would. This was of course not what he wanted to hear. He seemed really upset by the concept that i would \*never\* want to meet her, and while he was not yelling or being aggressive or anything like that, I knew he was very angry and hurt.
For reference, I'm an adult (24F), I live on my own and support myself entirely, and while I love my dad and always will, a big part of me is still working through the hurt he caused. I don't necessarily think that the best thing for me to meet this person, and frankly I don't see what the benefit of me doing that would be. But, I have talked to a few people who seem to think I'm being petty or spiteful. So, what do you think Reddit, AITA?
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"description": "picking up $10 I found on Campus",
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AITA For Picking Up $10 I found on Campus?
|
The other day a friend of mine found a $10 bill on the ground of my university campus (about 15,000 students and staff). She sent a picture in a group chat and another friend told her not to pick it up because that is stealing. Last night when I talked to him about it he said that there's no way she could've known if the person dropped or not needed it more than her not and that she is financially stable (I don't know her exact financial situation but she does have secure housing and meals). I strongly believe she should have taken the money, but obviously my friend disagrees. What do you guys think, would've my friend been the asshole (or morally wrong in general) for picking up the money?
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HISTORICAL
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{
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AITA for not wanting a gay doctor to look at my genitals
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Went to a local clinic recently to check if my dick was ok and was assigned to an openly gay doctor. I felt very uncomfortable and I asked for another doctor. My friend says I am homophobic and is very mad at me. Was I an asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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asx1wb
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"description": "insulting a friend",
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|
AITA For insulting a friend
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Couple weeks back me and two my others friends got together.
We are very close friends and have known each other for about 8-9 years.
Friend A : FA
Friend B : FB
We planned on getting some drinks and having a good time. We decided to meet up at FA's house. FA was making a drink and he jokingly kept on pouring liquor into FB's glass. FB told him to stop so he did we poured the extra alcohol from his glass to mine put some coke in it and sat on the couch drinking.
FB finished his drink first so FA made him another one. Me and FA were still finishing our drinks. When FB started 2nd drink he complained about how strong the drink was and looked annoyed. Because he kept on complaining I swapped my drink with his, but he looked like he was looked annoyed. He shoved his face inside the phone and was not talking much. FA even apologized for making it strong.
Once he finished the drink(The drink i gave him) he still kept on complaining about how the his old drink was strong. Then he stated that "you guys have bad intensions." As soon as he said that I snapped and I told him to stop complaining about a drink he is not drink in a very insulting manner. I said "Stop bitching about the drink you are not drinking. It is a drink you go and add more coke to it and make it lighter. Also the FA apologized for it so stop complaining. Past 30 minutes i just hear you bitching about it and it annoying Af." FB stated he will be leaving and thus i told him "if you want to stay fucking stay or leave but stop complaining."
As i said that he stood up and left. We 3 are between the age of 25-28. FB being 28. He has not been talking to any of us and I am going to make ammends with him but i wanted to know if i was asshole in the whole situation and if I could handle it better.
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WIBTA If I Lie To My Mom About My Cats Having Fleas?
|
I have two beautiful Persian cats with very long, thick fur. I live with my mom, it’s just the two of us and we love our cats very much.
We live in a single family style house with a screened in patio in our backyard. We also have a pool inside of our patio that has no fencing/netting around it. My mom is a smoker so she spends most of her time in the patio. A few months ago, one of my cats would always stand in front of the sliding door that opens to the patio and meow to come out. My mom started letting him out with her. Months later when I took him to the groomers, they informed me they found fleas on him and had to give him a flea bath. They texted me a picture. I felt awful as I used to work in a pet store and I know how much of a nuisance it is to get rid of fleas once they’re in your home and I know it really hurts the animal. I explained this to my mom and she stopped letting him out.
Now my mom is letting BOTH cats out on the patio for extended periods of time. I told her to stop doing that but she argues that they love it and they get bored sitting in our air conditioned home all day. I love my cats and I want them to have fun and I know they like going outside but now there’s a bigger dilemma than just fleas. My mom leaves them out sometimes and shuts the patio door. We live in Florida, it’s HOT and they get thirsty and try to drink from the pool water. I’m scared they’ll fall in and drown while my mom is inside. She is also extremely forgetful. For example 2 days ago we went to the doctors and she asked me if she remembered to bring the cats inside. We have also had a snake somehow get inside the patio in the past. I love my cats and I know they have fun exploring in the patio chasing lizards and whatnot but I’m very worried about safety. I woke up at 2am today with a racing heart because I thought my mom may have forgotten one of the cats outside. Often times she is too lazy to bring them back into the house so she will either force me to drop whatever I’m doing to go get them or she will turn on the vacuum which startled them and makes them run inside.
Now I know lying is wrong but here’s why I’m considering it. My mom is extremely narcissistic and sensitive. Especially when she drinks, which she does almost every day. If I tell my mom why I’m apprehensive about letting the cats on the patio she will get irrationally angry and accuse me of saying she is “dumb” and “negligent”. She will continue to let them out. If I say they have fleas and bring up the argument that it makes the animals super itchy and the fleas can transfer onto rugs and other things she would be more inclined to stop letting them out. WIBTA if I lie about them having fleas?
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"description": "blocking someone over a roleplay",
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AITA for blocking someone over a roleplay?
|
I feel like I was an over-sensitive asshole, yet at the same time I don't. (I'll be calling my ex-friend A)
So, I met A on Roblox, and we hit it off pretty quick, we had a great roleplay, and our characters got along VERY well. We roleplayed a couple more nights on Roblox on the same game, and after a few days, A gave me their discord name, so I added them on discord. We started chatting even more on discord, expanding our roleplay world. We were kinda disagreeing a tad bit on some things, but it was overall fine. After a few days of roleplaying we had a HUGE disagreement, I don't remember how it came up but I stated that canonically in this particular story my characters would die in a few hundredish years. A threw a fit and told me they'd sabotage the relationship, kill off characters, ect, after a bit I got A to calm down, and we were fine for a few more days until A decided they wanted to ship their female character with one of my males, who was gay, I politely declined and told A that my character was gay and thus uninterested in their character, A had a complete meltdown and started threatening to kill characters, and sabotage the roleplay. Then A started insulting my character. At first I kinda took it as a joke, until A started insulting his sexuality, I took that more seriously and started yelling back at A. They continued insulting my character and threatening to sabotage the roleplay, I couldn't take it anymore, so without warning, I blocked A. I've never heard from them again. This has just been...scratching at me...I feel like an over-sensitive asshole.
Was I the asshole here? Or was I in the clear? I feel like I was a tad bit too protective over this fictional person I made, but at the same time, I felt like A was insulting the gay community and gay people as a whole, and to top it off, they were threatening to sabotage our entire roleplay. Should I have given them a second chance? Or was I right to block them?
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HISTORICAL
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ait4a9
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"description": "not being comfortable doing a scantly clad photo shoot with an entire family around",
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|
AITA for not being comfortable doing a scantly clad photo shoot with an entire family around?
|
So I do photography as a hobby. And one area of photography I want experience in is “boudoir” which is usually in lingerie or tastefully nude. It’s meant to celebrate the beauty of the human body. Not pornographic. I want to be clear about that.
My friend that I’ll call Lily wants to be the subject of a boudoir shoot for me and I said sure. She lives with her boyfriend James family but she assured me that there’s plenty of room to do it. So I grabbed my stuff and went over there. And the house is like medium sized but there’s like 5 cars in the driveway. I’m a little suspicious. But I text lily. She comes out and brings me inside. And there are like 12 people there. I guess family were visiting. But I’m polite and say hello and explain that I’m a photographer and I’m here to try some shots with lily and all that but leave out the boudoir part because I feel a little weird about it.
Lily takes me into a sort of like living room/reading area room and says she thinks this spot will work. I agree but one wall is open to the rest of the house. I ask her if she’s alright with that and she says yeah and James comes over to help too. And he assured me that nobody will come over to this part of the house and they’ll respect privacy. So I just go along with it.
I set up lights and stuff and lily gets changed into the lingerie. And it’s going well for a while. And then James mom comes in and says “oh I just wanna watch. It’s so interesting” and I’m uncomfortable. But it’s her home so I just say okay. And she watches for a bit and then leaves. Shoot keeps going. More of the family peeks their heads in and James and lily aren’t doing a thing about it and I’m getting more and more uncomfortable. At one point I did ask James to keep them away because I felt uncomfortable but he said he can’t because it’s his family’s house. It finally came to a head when lily was fully nude and still posing and James little brother came in and poked me in the side and said “you just wanna see boobs. Don’t you? Creep” and I just couldn’t take it. I already felt weird about this whole thing because I was worried people would say that precise thing. And everything since then just made it worse. So I just told them I was really uncomfortable and I didn’t want to keep doing this and I started packing up all my stuff. And James and lily are apologizing and asking me to keep going but I couldn’t. I was too uncomfortable. So I leave.
Now they’re upset at me. And I feel bad. None of the other family judged me or criticized me or anything. And the brother might have been joking. But I was just almost having a panic attack by that point. I have bad anxiety and depression so that may have been making things worse. Should I try again? Or ask them to find another location or something? Also I’m 22 and lily and James are 20
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
o6ByXQVf7MVI4HVUVUSyUxwq2n1D6fzN
|
9vrnp9
|
{
"description": "punching a guy who creeped out underage girls",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for punching a guy who creeped out underage girls?
|
I come from a rural area where everybody knows anybody and tonight I was out partying in a nearby town. I came to a scene where apparently two guys had kept a girl who I know(I also know her parents, if that matters) and two of her friends(all three are minors) from being brought home by the police by saying they were their cousins and keeping an eye on them.
When I came to the scene the police was still there controlling other people, but not directly in earshot. The two guys demanded a "thank you" but kept insisting on it even after the girls said the words and we're visibly uncomfortable.
The girl I know looked terrified and came close to me, so I told the guys to get lost, as they had received their thanks but they didn't listen and stuck around telling me that they'd take care of the girls even though the girls and I insisted on them leaving.
End of the story was, that I waited there, until a cab arrived to take the girls home as they had surpassed their curvew anyway.
Long story short: Would it have been ok to punch the guys or should I have gotten the police involved?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
kDuwwEBSub9leaZlLJJ1c0IucbY947UQ
|
9wybck
|
{
"description": "refusing to let homeless \"friend\" even visit my place",
"pronormative_score": 38,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for refusing to let homeless "friend" even visit my place?
|
So yeah. I have this not really friend, more like a friend of a friend. I barely know him, but sadly, he got dumped by his GF and is now homeless. The problem is I live with my parents and can't really make those decisions. Another problem is that he is like 23 and I´m barely 18. Now, had it been a really close friend, of course I would have *tried*, but I barely know this guy, and he has been pestering me for months now.
Also, from what I've heard, he is a horrible house guest. He has long, thick hair and when he brushes it large balls of hair come out, which he just leaves on the floor or on whatever couch or something he sits on. He is into some weird sexual stuff and brings it up to everyone, even strangers, and has a hobby of watching really nasty porn infront of people. I've also heard from my friends that did take him in that once he is there, it can take up to a week to get him to leave, because he literally refuses, and even locks himself in to stay. Am I an asshole for refusing to even let him *see* my place knowing that he has used that as an excuse to stay for weeks.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 38,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 38,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
lBavpWnUoOYiN8NQtToFENKDf3M17g2h
|
b8lif1
|
{
"description": "kicking a kid who may have mild autism out of my table group",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for kicking a kid who may have mild autism out of my table group
|
I'm in an art class in school and I sit next to about 3 close friends. There was this one kid who we believed had mild autism that would usually just sit by himself. One day, he comes over to our group and asks if he could sit with us, obviously, we let him sit with us since none of us had anything against him. This is where a problem started, this kid talked and would not stop talking to us about stuff like video games and politics, so much that we couldn't focus on work for the class. He would constantly talk to us about how he hated the US president (We are Canadian) and kept saying how he wanted to assassinate him. The worst part was that he would take our supplies to "borrow them" and when we ask for our stuff back he would say that the supplies were his and he didn't trust us. Eventually, all of us had gotten fed up with him and asked him to leave. I had felt bad about this because I believed he was on the spectrum and I know that people like that are great people and should be treated equally, but this guy really got on me and my friend's nerves.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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