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|
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{
"description": "asking my roommate to clean the bathroom",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my roommate to clean the bathroom?
|
I share an apartment with another young woman. I don't know her exact age, I believe she's probably 23. Just about every weekend she goes out and gets dead drunk with her friends, which I don't care about. She's an adult, she can make her own decisions.
However, around 11pm last night she came in, went to the bathroom and went to bed. At 5am I woke up to use the bathroom and found she had thrown up on the bathmat, and hadn't cleaned it up. She had also thrown up in the toilet and hadn't flushed. Not wanting to leave fresh vomit to dry in the shared bathroom, I threw it on the washing machine, and did a load when I got up at about 6am. When I went out to get milk at the store, I found blood on the downstairs doorknob, which I was too grossed out to clean.
This is the third time I've cleaned up her drunken vomit, and to be honest I'm getting tired of it. We're not good friends, I don't drink ever, and I'm not happy about being consigned to being the only person who cleans up her bodily fluid messes.
Afaik she's never cleaned the bathroom, even when she has left obvious blood on and behind the sink taps.
WIBTA if I told her I'm sick of cleaning up her drunken vomit, and asking her to clean the bathroom after a night of throwing up in it?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
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OTHER
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{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
nzgmHCEQ2cGfSnb7cito7Kq6HTiMLvsI
|
b2tetg
|
{
"description": "not giving an old lady my spot in line at the checkout",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for not giving an old lady my spot in line at the checkout?
|
Just to let you know how long this has bothered me, it's been about 4 months and I STILL think about this situation to this day.
One day I was shopping at a supermarket and when I went to checkout, I stood in line behind this elderly woman. We were both in the "less than 10 items" line but apparently, since it was nearing closing, they closed the line and told us to redirect to the other available cashiers.
So naturally, I went to the next shortest line right beside this checkout. It turns out that the elderly woman followed suit and lined up behind me.
However, she then proceeded to ask me if we could switch places. Normally, since I'm a pretty passive person, I probably would've conceded, but that day, I was in a rush and I already had a friend waiting for me for over 10 minutes. So I told her that I couldn't that I promised to be "as fast as I could" with bagging my stuff and leaving. She then said, kind of passive-aggressively that the speed at which I checkout is not dependent on me but rather the cashier. And then she remarked that the fact that I was ahead of her in this line, it was if I was cutting in front HER.
I didn't know what to do next but I didn't want to give up my spot so I just shrugged and stayed in line. She then moved to a different line, in frustration I imagine.
In my mind, I justify my choice by telling myself that I was in the right because this was a NEW LINE and she didn't have to follow me; there were other cashiers. And since in new lines, no matter what order you were in previously, the old positioning doesn't apply. But she was elderly though...
​
So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
x6m1Xfi87zLo6mZwoO5J4bzGhcL3g9XC
|
aqge4p
|
{
"description": "distancing myself from my bf after he admitted he was raped",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 462
}
|
AITA For distancing myself from my bf after he admitted he was raped?
|
Im a 20yo woman currently dating my 24 yo boyfriend of 5 months.
Hes tall, muscular, blonde with blue eyes. Hes also really dominant and works at a start up doing marketing. In general hes very smart, funny, yadda yadda you get it. I like him.
However even though our sex life is good hes been having trouble performing starting a week and a half ago. I thought it was me at first so i asked him and he started to break down a bit before crying. Hes just started seeing a therapist or "counselor" about his childhood.
Then he tells me that he was raped as an 11 year old by his stepbrother, multiple times when he was young. This floored me as up until this point he seemed so macho and sort of like a "tough guy" and nows hes confessing to being raped by another man while completely being in tears and holding me.
I held him back and let him vent but i ended up leaving (we were at his apartment).
I completely understand that its horrible being a rape victim but honestly i dont know if i could see him the same way again. I had this image of him thats completely shattered and honestly everytime i see him text me I just feel weird now.
My best friend thinks i should try to keep dating him for a bit but im really not attracted to him like i was before. We're not broken up yet but im considering it kinda. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 462,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 462
}
|
WRONG
|
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|
ahl2wr
|
{
"description": "not taking my roommate to taco bell",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For not taking my roommate to taco bell?
|
In the middle of the day on a saturday, we hear from a mutual friend that he needs help seeing up for a yard party. We show up in my car but it turns out we need to go in my roommate's much roomier far to pick up large boards and pallets to make a stage. Therefore, we need to go home and clean his car out because it's a total mess and we need to fit stiff into it.
I have not eaten breakfast or lunch and neither has my roommate apparently. He says that he wants food as I drive home. I make a right turn onto our street and then he asks me to take him to taco bell. I'm hungry too, but I really do not want taco bell. That's fucking nasty. So I ask him if he has food at home that would serve as a snack so we can go to the drive through later to which he replies yes. I take us home instead, because fuck that I'm not going to drive back to something that we basically passed on the way home, and he gets angry while saying he's going to taco bell.
He takes his car to taco bell with his mess. Apparently there was some kind of delay that happened just as he got the and it's apparently my fault that we're late with the boards. Also im am asshole for not taking my roommate to taco bell when he had food at home that he wasn't craving.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
NllBKMFzog971KczkeSDTB4bO0gyTJu6
|
9tznsz
|
{
"description": "being mad at my friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being mad at my friend?
|
I've got a good friend. She sometimes messes with me and usually it's okay. However, I don't like it when people do pranks that throw me off balance, such as kicking the persons foot mid-step to set them off balance, or swiping the foot.
My friend started to do that, and I told her specifically that if she does it again, I'm not going to over to her place with the rest of my friends to watch a movie together. She does it again and I immediately go home.
Now, she says I'm overreacting. That I was irrationally angry. I told her I gave her a warning if she did it again.
So. Am I acting irrationally?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
ax49z5
|
{
"description": "not appreciting a facebook marketplace seller because he keeps pushing off delivery",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not appreciting a facebook marketplace seller because he keeps pushing off delivery
|
I made a deal with this seller on facebook marketplace to buy the item he posted online. I asked him if he could deliver and he agreed since I don't have a car to pick it up (I agreed to pay extra just for delivery). He said he would deliver it at around 9pm but he pushed it off since he said he needed to get his kids to bed. He asked if he could deliver later tonight and I was like ok sure, so I venmoed him the money for it, since he was being really nice the whole time. However, he never showed up. I texted him a couple times until 12am. He told me that it took him too long to get the kids to go to bed so he was wondering if he could deliver tomorrow. I was waiting all night since I venmoed him already and I started to feel like maybe I trusted people too easily cuz how tf am I supposed to know if he would actually deliver or not at this rate. I told him I don't really appreciate how he kept pushing it off. That was literally all I said. One sentence. And this guy sent me a paragraph of how I was being an inconsiderate bitch, making rude ass comments. considering he has a busy schedule and two kids, and how he had to negotiate the delivery (which he agreed to) and how he was pissed off and would wipe his ass with that money chair. And asked me to not ever contact him again (why tf would I).
​
I didn't expect all these harsh words, am I really the asshole here?
Sorry if this sounds like straight up ranting, I'm just confused af tbh.
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
PAt89QyPf7ZEcd3rqtXWUaPBjNDWRRlj
|
b9ff2b
| null |
AITA parents baby me from friends
|
Here's the situation, I'm a 14 year old in 8th grade, and It's after school, me and my friends walk in our usual routine, There are 3 other friends walking with me, Kent, Tyler, and Terry. Me and Kent talk about Terry, I bring up the time we said Terry had no neck (Terry is fat), Terry overhears. I need to do some more explaining for this, we're all part of a group of 9 or so friends who poke fun at each others, and others flaws, none of us take it seriously, it's just teasing, but, we always make sure we have the friend hear what we say, as we don't like to talk shit behind backs. Lots of times, there is some friendly roughhousing involved like piling on top of each other, or tackling one another, etc.. We each try not to cause harm, and if we do, it's purely accidental, as when we go too far, we make sure to ask if they're okay, or if they know it's just a joke. we apologise to each other if we know we went far. As I was saying, I say Terry has no neck, Terry started Hitting Kent's backpack with a stick as a joke Kent told Terry I said it, and started hitting my backpack as a joke, and hit my upper leg with the stick lightly. My mom picks me up at this spot, Terry and I laugh it out, but my mom See's this. as I get in the car with Terry (as he needed a ride) my mom tells Terry, "Don't do what you don't want other's to do to you" in Spanish. Terry does not understand Spanish, but Kent most likely does. As I walked into the car, Tyler Tells me what is going on. as a teen, I don't like other's standing up for me, I'm 14, not 5, we know the boundaries. I tell my mom, it was a joke, hoping for her to understand. Instead she and I have an argument where I try to explain my side. This goes on with how you expect it to, my mom argues that I can't let myself Be taken "bullied" of like that, while I tell her it was a joke, while Tyler is next to me is laughing quietly. After Tyler leaves at his house, me and Mom argue worse than before, since Tyler left, I was able to say things to my mom like, "I hate it when you think I'm five" and she would talk about how "Tyler should have heard this to know that you're not comfortable with being pushed around" I'm pretty mad at this, because I know that it's pure jokes (it's really just jokes). This goes on and on, She treats my argument Like a joke, so when I brought up points like how when Kent sprayed ketchup on me on accident, he apologized. all she replied with was "Uh huh" and never acknowledged it, but It was just an accident. Even worse is my dad told me that it would escalate from accident, into a fight. I explained the generosity of my friends, and how they say sorry, he said that's a lie. We argued, I tried being serious to my mom about it, by telling her I'm not a child anymore. she didn't take me seriously. They think I can't defend myself at all, although they're just trying to protect me. Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
WrDmTU1A86VAFA7z58zMxfV7p2xDeFKq
|
a3xi4s
|
{
"description": "not wanting to return a possibly lost cat",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For not wanting to return a possibly lost cat?
|
About a month ago I saw a FB post listed as “Lost kitten needs home” and I replied to it and went to see the kitten (1 mo. old). The poster said she was a stray they found in the woods. And after I saw the kitten I instantly fell in love with her and decided I would take her home!
I went out and got her all the supplies/food/toys she needed and even her own cat collar. And after a few weeks got her spayed and vaccinated. So far we’ve gotten along amazingly, she’s like my little shadow and follows me around everywhere and sleeps by my side every night.
However, in the back of my mind I’ve had a nagging thought: what if she’s not a stray and she’s actually missing.
So for the last few weeks I’ve checked all the community ads and posts about missing cats and so far nothing. Which I’m relieved about.
However, I’ve been considering getting her microchipped and am worried that if I take her in she may already have one and I’ll have to give her up.
My logic is that someone let a kitten (who needs constant supervision) out and let her become a stray. So in my mind, she’s better off with me who can care for her and keep her safer. Additionally, she has spent the majority of her life with me and I don’t see how it would be fair to relocate her.
AITA for not wanting to risk it, and even if I find out she is missing to not return her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
eXKNDMecQVNArYbxOo7etTTTrJPLfIxQ
|
aco0cq
|
{
"description": "using the shared dryers while someone else has stuff in the washers they clearly meant to dry afterwards",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for using the shared dryers while someone else has stuff in the washers they clearly meant to dry afterwards?
|
I live in a condo. My building has 24 units housing singles, couples and young families. Many unfamiliar renters. The laundry room only has 2 washers and 2 dryers. Got sick of the discourteous use of the laundry room, so I bought a small portable washer, spin dryer and rack, and do 90% of the laundry in the house.
​
I need to use the shared dryers regularly to dry things like sheets and towels. Rarely, when I take my washed, wet items to the laundry room, someone has obviously put two loads in the washers with the intent to dry them when the wash cycle is done. When I use the dryer this way, they come down to find they have to wait for my stuff to finish. If the dryer is available, I put my stuff in regardless of whether or not the washers are running. Trying to wait out the neighbors in the past has shown me a bunch of people think it's ok to just leave their shit in the machines sometimes hours after the cycle is done, so I just use the machine if it's free.
​
When I went down for my sheets today I found my damp sheets on top of the dryer with a nastygram from an anonymous neighbor essentially saying since I wanted to butt in line for the machines, they're going to take my paid cycle and waste my time since I tried wasting theirs.
​
Now obviously it was an asshole move to take my paid cycle. Also arguably an asshole move to monopolize the laundry room for \~2 hours to wash and dry two loads simultaneously (which is common practice in our building, sometimes chained for 4, 6 or even 8 loads.) But did I start the asshole conversation by using the dryers at a time someone else obviously intended to use them, and who had no reason to suspect someone would use the dryer only?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
2MXOp6EbE9MHUqZGsCHGO56ppyuZtuBe
|
a4qbxy
|
{
"description": "losing my he*king mind when I watch tv with my grandmother",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For Losing My He*king Mind When I Watch TV With My Grandmother?
|
Ok so I don’t usually watch tv, I usually just watch it to please my fam. But whenever we’re watching a movie together, I’d like to actually enjoy it and listen to it. But like every 5 fucking seconds there’s a reaction noise from my grandmother. It’s hard to watch a show with someone making a loud ass comment or an “OHhHhhHhHh” whenever something minor happens. I don’t know if I explained it right, but I tried. Drives me up the fuckin wall. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
V2tiE9vNb5UIJDMcNTY9tmYqjOxSA9NA
|
avhomo
|
{
"description": "being upset at my Father",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Being Upset At My Father?
|
A little backstory here: my father has been unemployed for the last four years in pursuit of an independent directing career. In those four years, he has made things here and there but hasn’t generated any income for our family. He does other things like cook, clean, and laundry, which are much appreciated by my mother and I. Currently, my mom pays the rent for the family and I help with things like groceries, gas, etc. We both have 40 hour/week jobs.
Over the summer, both my parents weren’t working and I had to pay the lion share of our rent (which is a decent amount of money). This upset me because I am trying to move out of my parents house and find an apartment for myself. The area I live is very expensive and I have to save a lot of money in order to afford something. Once my mom started working again, things were going ok. I was able to start saving up. However, my account never got that big.
My dad is notorious for borrowing money from people and manipulating them into giving him said money. He’s been doing it all my life. When he borrowed money from my grandfather, he would justify it by saying he deserves it after all the shit his father put him through. I hate borrowing money and prefer to work and make a living that way. We have a family friend whom my dad sometimes goes to for money, but he didn’t like how the friend would constantly hassle him for a check when it was due. So he started going to me because he knows I have a hard time refusing to help my parents financially. I have been trying to set a boundary and limit the amount of money I give to my parents. When I do this, my dad accuses me of not wanting to help the family. His mentality is that any money that comes into the family belongs to everyone.
Recently, I found out that I am going to have to pay the majority of next month’s rent and I am pretty upset about it. I feel like my father is now just borrowing money from me like he did his father. I am the asshole for being upset at my father about this? He claims he is going to start driving Lyft but I don’t know how long that could last for. I just don’t want to be used as a well of constant resource for my father when he doesn’t even work himself. I value my independence and every time my father borrows a large sum of money from me it takes away from my ability to move out. Please advise me what to do about this situation.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
as7nDgBWnD8n2r8JCcd5PNjN651L155H
|
a8i6n1
|
{
"description": "canceling plans ( that are kind of a Christmas gift) because of money",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I canceled plans ( that are kind of a Christmas gift) because of money?
|
So this friend of mine, but I use the term loosely cause we've been more acquaintances since we have friends in common but since I had a friend break up and told him about it since he told me to pass on his story to said friend.
Anyway, he was all what do I get you and said friend? And he was insistent on me telling him on what I wanted even though I tried to politely say nothing because I don't feel like we are a close enough of a friendship to buy each other gifts. Anyway, he kept asking about my perfect gift ( which is a dog and not realistic as I live in an apartment, and will be moving to pursue more schooling and don't want one until I have a house and time to take care of one) so then I asked him what he wanted and he was all I don't like materialistic gifts and so on. So I said why don't we pick an activity or someday to hang out instead of doing gifts? So he agreed.
Now a few days later, he tells me he bought me something because it reminds him of me, but I don't need to get him anything. But if course, I have to buy him some thing so I don't look like an asshole. So I ended buying him the what do you meme game a few days ago. Now he's back from school and is all we can go out to eat at this place, maybe go see this movie, go ice skating and so on. Which at the time I agreed to.
So now I want to break it to him that I don't really have the money. At the time, I was trying at the time to get a subleaser which has a $150 fee- but shortly after, my first subleaser bailed and I lost the $150, then I paid another $150 for another one who is currently not responding to me and if he doesn't, I will have to find another and pay the fee again ( my living situation is hell with petty roommates so I NEED to leave). Plus I paid another $100 to get myself out of a lease next year. I didn't expect to have this problem which I've dropped $400 on this already, and may have to pay more.
He knows I'm having trouble with said roommates but not all the details as he's friends with them too, but I feel bad for cancelling since I can't keep taking money out of my savings as I've already taken out more than I'm comfortable with. But I also know that he'll offer to pay for everything but I don't know him well enough to accept that without feeling super uncomfortable.
So WIBTA for canceling the agreed plans and still saying no when he ( most likely ) offers to pay?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
ajwmj5
|
{
"description": "not being okay with the smell of weed",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not being okay with the smell of weed?
|
First time posting, so sorry in advance if there’s something weird!
Anyways, there’s four of us that live in the house, my mom, step-dad, step-brother(23), and me (23). My step-brother smokes weed in the house all of the time, despite my mom and I asking him to please not do so. I personally just hate the smell, while my mom not only hates the smell, but gets her asthma aggravated by it at times. Time and time again we’ve confronted him and his dad trying for a change, with no budge.
Tonight, I confronted him yet again, but he insists he’s doing nothing wrong and shouldn’t have to leave the house to smoke, despite our objections. It seemed so easy for him to just insist it was fine, which makes me question myself.
To me personally this is a no-brainer to fix. Either he moves out, stops smoking in the house, or gets a pen/vape to reduce the smell. But AITA for thinking this? Should he be able to just smoke in the house? I just want to make sure I’m justified before our final confrontation, and before completely ruining our relationship.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
vNC2IeM78JDbwbJvITqAHSQUObDKnj5l
|
9v3aot
|
{
"description": "not wanting to hang out with my husbands best friend because I absolutely loathe his long time girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to hang out with my husbands best friend because I absolutely loathe his long time girlfriend?
|
Ok so I'm going to try and keep this some what short because there is a lot of back story here.
My husband has a best friend he's known since high school. I generally get along with, let's call him A.
However, A is dating this woman a few years older than him, shes 36 he's 27 who is very emotionally immature. The first night I met her she wanted to fight me for FUN while drunk saying I didnt look that tough (never claimed to be). Needless to say I didnt fight her because even though I was only 23 at the time I thought it was a terrible idea.
A's girlfriend has a child with another man who she just plops in front of the game counsel every time shes over so that she can get drunk.
A's girlfriend told my husband that "woman who get raped should be thankful because they come out of it stronger and rape has been around since cavemen days and isnt that bad" a week after she found out I had been assaulted.
I tried to be friends with her, try and find a side to her I could tolerate but I simply cant. Shes drunk all the time, threatening all the time, and needlessly offensive.
We've tried to just hang out with A but she is always there. I tried to get my husband to go alone to see A but he either feels bad for leaving me home or things get out of hand with the girlfriend and I have to show up anyway.
There are a lot more examples of her behavior but I dont feel like writing them all, hopefully you'll get the point.
So, my husbands friendship has suffered because of my hatred for his best friends girlfriend. Luckily he hates her also.
But AITA for not "sucking it up" and spending time with them anyway? For my husband's sakes?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
b6jfzt
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be an on demand therapist",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be an on demand therapist?
|
So this is my first ever post on a new account since I totally forgot I even had an account on here before, so sorry if this is a bit awkward.
​
The background of my relationship with this friend is that we've known each other since middle school, and we've always been pretty close. We're both goofballs and we naturally stuck together over the years. I love him to death, he's one of my best friends, but he's wearing me down.
​
Every time we talk, all we do is talk about his problems, and there's a lot. It's either about his ex, his lack of love life, his financial status, or his own mental issues. And I don't mind talking to him every now and then about this stuff, I love being there for my friends in that way, I know how much going through all of that sucks. I have a lot of issues with some pretty serious depression and anxiety to the point where it's hard for me to hold down a job, but that is beside the point. Any time I try to talk to him about my own stuff, it's for like five minutes before it's brought back to him. I'm expected to carry the whole of the emotional baggage, and we're not even dating, we're just good friends. If we talk it's either about his problems, or D&D. I don't mind talking about that stuff, but when it's all I'm good for, it really wears me down.
​
Recently I reached a breaking point with it, and had to stop talking to him. I called him crying and had to explain that I needed to take a break from him, and from talking to him, and went over. I was bawling my eyes out because he's one of my best friends, and here I am just trying to get ANY sort of response from him that wasn't just a 'mmhmm' or an 'okay'. I gave him back the key to his apartment, and he just shrugged and went back inside, and I just sobbed in my car. And then later I had other friends tell me that he told them what was going on and that I was out of line and they were accusing me of abandoning my friend.
​
AITA for telling my friend that I can't carry his whole life on my shoulders and suggesting he get professional help instead of dumping his problems on me? Am I in the wrong and being a bad friend? I really just don't know what to do.
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HISTORICAL
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9vez10
| null |
AITA for basically single handedly fucking up my self esteem and giving myself depression by choice, but I don't want to fix it
|
So a bit of context to this is needed I guess. About half a year ago in my Year 10 "end of year tests" I did very well, scoring the highest (or a few marks off highest) in all my tests. However, because of this people started getting annoyed with me, especially when I tried to offer my help and explain to them that all scores are relative and it's about effort anyway etc etc. I have a really vivid memory of trying to cheer up a classmate but them throwing my score back in my face and making me feel guilty and like an asshole. What hurt the most was other people using them behind my back to either mock me or others.
Because of these few people, I felt very distressed, panicky, anxious and the like so I thought the best way to combat it would be to never have positive thoughts about myself. I figured it was fine because I could always stop being hard on myself when I was done "bragging". However 6 months later and I can't stop if I tried, whenever I do I feel it's useless because it's just covering up and not changing anything. I feel crap for having it because it's not a "real problem" but I always talk about it with my friends and waste their time. It gives me antisocial, depressive and sometimes self harming behaviour and makes it hard to keep a conversation with friends, strangers are almost impossible to talk to which kinda happens in a school.
I'm just wondering if I'm an ass for secretly wanting to stay like this, because in my mind it is the only way to be certain I cannot brag and in many ways I feel this is the way I deserve to be. I know my friends are worried and want me to be better so I don't know what to do basically, except the right thing.
TL;DR: I hurt people and then gave myself low self esteem that I refuse to fix
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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anywqo
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{
"description": "not being cool with my boyfriend staying with his old fwb",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not being cool with my boyfriend staying with his old FWB
|
Ill try and make this as short as possible.
A while back i (22) was on holiday in Thailand with family and my boyfriend (23) stayed home. He offered to pick me up at the airport the day i arrived back home.
However, the night before i was meant to fly back he notified me that his old friend (and also old FWB) was in the state and she asked if he wanted go visit her, he accepted.(note: he is originally from another state and met her there a few years back. She has family in the same state we currently live in. With that said, her place is still a good 2-3 hours from his place)Anyway he tells me he is going for the 2-3hour drive down to catch up with her, to which i was fine with and said i hoped he had a good time catching up and whatever BUT it was the middle of the afternoon when he started the drive, i figured he would be there kinda late so i nicely asked that if this catch up went into the night, could he please not stay over at her house.. he agreed
​
ffw a few hours, im at the airport nearly ready to board my flight and i get a phone call from him, completely drunk and telling me he has no choice but to stay at her place, but he assures me hes staying on the couch. I lose my shit (tbh i really think i had a valid reason to lose my shit at him for being drunk and staying with a girl he used to sleep with). He says he cant do anything about it and that is just going to have to be that way but he has set an early alarm so that he can still make it to the airport in time to get me in the morning.
The argument/all contact got cut off because i had to board my flight so i was stuck with a disgusting sick feeling in my stomach the whole 9hour flight back and honestly was in no mood to even deal with him once i had landed.
So i arrive home and true to his word he was waiting at my arrival gate to greet me, i however gave him a wave and just proceeded to follow him towards where he parked the car. The entire ride home was awkward, he was making small talk asking how i enjoyed the trip but i couldn't bring myself to pretend nothing was wrong. So not yelling or anything i asked how he thinks i'm expected to be happy to see him when the night before he was drunk sleeping over with his old FWB after i specifically asked him not to and he had agreed. I confessed the whole 2 weeks i was away i really looking forward to being back with him as i had missed him a lot but this whole situation had ruined that. He proceeds to argue that im overreacting and that i should have more trust in him than that. Says hes sick of repeating that he didn't do anything with her and that he crashed on the couch. He says that its my fault our reunion was ruined because he has done nothing wrong and he was hurt i didn't give him a hug or kiss at the gate when i arrived.
In the end i honestly was not bothered fighting with him especially since i was insanely tired after the flight so i just apologised to end it. But to be honest i really don't feel i was the one that was meant to say sorry though.
​
So AITA for getting mad at my boyfriend after he got drunk and slept over at his old FWB house after he said he wouldnt.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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aljusp
|
{
"description": "being angry, upset and pissed off at my 'friend' and ex",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
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|
AITA for being angry, upset and pissed off at my ‘friend’ and ex
|
So bit of back story. I broke up with my gf just over 2 weeks ago as to me the relationship didn’t feel right. It felt like I was forcing myself to like her when I only really wanted to be friends. So I talked to her and it ended with both of us seeming to be okay. We still wanted to be friends (we played games together with other friends and didn’t want to ruin that) we are both uni students, everything seemed to be fine. We have this mutual ‘friend’ who doesn’t live near us however he’s a little older than us by about 3 years and has a job and doesn’t live so far that he can’t drive up. I found out earlier today that they met up with another gaming friend of ours in the same town last weekend, a meet up which I wasn’t invited too (apparently because they didn’t think I’d be interested) during the meet up this “friend” slept with my ex. He seems to feel no remorse and she seems to think it wouldn’t bother me. Am I justifiably angry at the both of them for this less than 2 weeks after the break up or am I being unjust as I ended it and I’m not together with her anymore. After I was told I blew up at them and sent a few rude messages which probably wasn’t the best way to handle it. But it felt like I was betrayed by 2 of the few friends I actually have. AITA for being mad at them or should I just apologise and try and continue being friends?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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arhr71
|
{
"description": "sleeping with my best friends side-girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for sleeping with my best friends side-girlfriend?
|
Throwaway because I don’t want this to get more awkward. & am on mobile so sorry for the format etc.
Just to give some context. My friend (let’s call him John) has been in a relationship with his previous girlfriend (we’ll call her Nancy) for years. Until they suddenly break up and he immediately moves on to 2nd woman/side-chick (We’ll call her Kate) in question.
Nancy and John were great together, or so I thought. They’d been together for about 4 or 5 years now. I’ve heard it got rough behind closed doors but rumors run rampant today and they seemed happy so I thought little of it. When they suddenly broke up I was a little surprised but they both rebounded quickly and that’s when he met Kate. It was clearly rebound but he led her to believe he wanted to stay with her. The whole time they’ve been together he’s been plotting to get Nancy again behind Kate’s back.
John and Kate were together for about a month before he introduced me to his now ‘girlfriend’ (he did tell me not to call her that on the phone one time though so ?.) Here’s the thing though. Kate is just an angel. She’s classy, she’s beautiful, in shape and just trying to get out there in the dating world. We really hit it off and (as a group) went to bar hop and play pool a few times. It was all platonic up until Valentine’s Day when he dumps Kate at 3am because “I choose Nancy.).
I kind of said “what the fuck” to myself. So John calls me at about 10am and says “I broke it off with Kate today. Nancy’s just the one for me.” I said “That sucks, I’m spending the day alone and you had a choice.” I chuckled, it was really just a joke. John says “why don’t you invite Kate over?” I’m thinking to myself immediately that it’s a good idea, and my friend gave me permission, right? I told him “You know, I’m going to do that.” And he actually said “Okay cool” and we made our goodbyes like normal. “Have a good one man” or something I don’t remember.
A little backstory on Kate. We’ve talked a lot when we go out. We always end up talking about something random and it’s about never ever that I find an attractive woman I actually click with. She’s got two kids and even though I don’t want any of my own it didn’t matter. That’s usually a dealbreaker but this time it was worth it. I knew I could get used to that face every morning and it hurt seeing John plot behind her back and downplay how much of a catch she is to me on the phone.
So I call her. I say “Hey, I was just talking to John.” She immediately interrupts and says “He dumped me at 3am this morning.” It kind of made me mad too, like dude, on Valentine’s Day?! So I said “I actually talked to him a little while ago, he told me about it. He also told me to invite you over. Maybe we can order some food and watch movies or something?” She told me she would love to the rest you can guess.
Now John is furious. Kate and I just want to give it a try, see if we work since they clearly don’t. & Now he’s all crying, telling me he doesn’t want me to keep doing this because he loves her. He came over today and they left to go have a talk, or do the nasty. Not quite sure 🤔. I know she’s super pissed at him. So here it is, AITA for sleeping with my friends amazing new girlfriend he dumped on Valentine’s Day?
TL;DR: Best friend got a new girlfriend and left her for his long time ex on Valentine’s Day. He loosely gave me permission to get with her and we’ve been into each other since but now he’s upset and crying because he still loves her and bro-code whatever. AITA for wanting to give it a shot with her despite his feelings.
Thanks reddit, it’s been eating at me.
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HISTORICAL
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a3ar68
|
{
"description": "regularly nudging, jostling and sometimes pushing people exiting airplanes",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA ? -- I regularly nudge, jostle and sometimes push people exiting airplanes.
|
I fly often. I prefer aisle seats. And I support a firm rule: You stay in or by your seat when exiting a plane. Because people exit *in the order of seating, from the front to the back.*
I remain in my seat until the people in the rows 1 or 2 in front of me begin leaving. Then I stand and get my carryon out of the overhead bin. And I always let the people across from me go first.
Unfortunately a common occurrence is that people further back jump up when the plane lands and push up in the aisle. Meaning when I'm ready to get up the aisle is clogged--not by the people across from me, but people from the back.
That does not deter me. I'm standing up, no matter how crowded it is. Sure, I'll give an *excuse me.* Sometimes the crowd is light and it works easy..
But often not. Sometimes it's real packed by people from the back. And the people in the aisle right by my seat (from further back) can't really back up well because of the crowd behind them.
Tough. I'm getting up into the aisle. I'm 6'4 so it's usually not a challenge for me. Make a space. And if I see a bunch of knuckleheads from the back have tried to snake their way up, I can get pretty pushy.
Cramped, discomfited by the situation? *You should have stayed in or by your seat further back and waited your turn.*
(On those rarely occasions someone announces they are late for a connecting flight and appeal to be let through, of course I accommodate.)
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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08dp5VkmHqX4svXi8yzLu1Fb540a9AOB
|
9ztw6t
|
{
"description": "staying too long in a coffee shop",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for staying too long in a coffee shop?
|
Brand new coffee shop opens in our city's new library. It's a really nice place and they have great coffee, so I decided to sit in there and work on my laptop.
I was sitting at a low bar seat next to the window, and to avoid taking space of the person next to my right, the best place for me to put my coat happened to be the floor wedged between myself and a book shelf. It was a new place and the floor wasn't too dirty dirty, and I figured I'd make the sacrifice of potentially dirtying my coat so the space next to me wouldn't be obstructed.
4 hours later, my coat had worked it's way in to the general space without me noticing. The manager must have noticed this, because he stormed over to me, and with a hurried and aggravated demeanor, stuffed my coat in to the now empty chair next to me and pushed the chair in to the bar, then walked back behind the counter. Not a word.
I figured I had outstayed my welcome, maybe he was mad because I was sitting there so long? I bought a coffee and a sandwich, it's not like I was freeloading.
In my experience, that's what people do at coffee shops, camp out on their laptops. I was a barista at three different coffee shops, I was never bothered by people who stayed there all day. They tipped the best and were usually very friendly.
In this case, the coffee shop is right next to the library, so I could have worked there instead.
Whatever the case, I didn't say anything, I just packed up my things and left since it seems like they wanted me gone. I'm pissed about it, but still not sure if I was in the wrong.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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at578d
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend her hate for babies is pathetic and doesn't make her cool or edgy",
"pronormative_score": 427,
"contranormative_score": 89
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend her hate for babies is pathetic and doesn't make her cool or edgy?
|
I (18m) have been dating my gf (19) for about four months. We met on instagram, I followed her for a while and she has a real grunge/edgy aestehtic going on. I thought she was super hot and cool, and when we started going out she was basically also a really edgy person. She makes the occasional cringey edgelord comment about hating people and how life was sooooo much better in the 80s (when she wasn't even alive), which cringes me out but whatever, it's manageable.
However, she also has an immense hate for kids and babies. Whenever kids get near her she gives them dirty looks and moves away or groans. She has a four year old sister, and she won't even sit on the same sofa as her, giving excuses like "she's dirty", "kids are all feral" and so on, just ridiculous shit you say when you're 13 and in your emo phase, not 19.
Recently, she came to a family party at my parent's house and long story short, she ended up alone in a room with my sister (who is a new mom and is only 16) and, because of her social anxiety she was 'too afraid of seeming rude' to say no, but she ended up holding my sister's baby while she was in the middle of changing a diaper. As soon as my sister leaves the room to grab a new diaper, my girlfriend put the baby down on the couch, getting shit on the couch and shouting for someone to come take care of the 'gremlin'.
This really annoyed me, I get that she doesn't like kids and that she doesn't want to be near them, but she doesn't have to be so rude and obnoxious about it. If she didn't want to hold the baby, she should have said no or got someone else. She just seems to think that kids should instinctively know to keep away from her. I just don't get how she expects to go through life never having to deal with children at all.
Also at the party, she moved away from my five year old cousin when he sat next to her to eat some cake, and when asked to pass the baby's blanket to my sister, she pinched it with two fingers and flicked it over.
On the way home, I told her it's ridiculous she acts this way and she basically said something along the lines of "kids are disgusting, they're entitled and dumb can't see the world for what it really is". I told her not everything has to fit her stupid edgy narrative, and she thinks I'm an asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b7is53
| null |
AITA The guy(19M) I recently started seeing cleaned my(20F) whole apartment top to bottom and when I came home I freaked out in front of everyone.
|
To sum it up, I’ve been seeing this guy, let’s call him Obama, for a few months now. We aren’t dating but I felt like it was trending in that direction.
Earlier today I was complaining about my apartment being a death hole of a mess and he offered to clean it. Very kind, yes. But I declined and told him that wouldn’t be cool at all. I don’t like people going through my things. But of course I thanked him for offering.
Anyway, I went out for lunch with a friend for a few hours and we ended up picking up another friend. We walked into my apartment and Obama was there smiling and EVERYTHING was clean and organized. He used my spare key to get in. All my dirty laundry was organized and all my paperwork was moved.
I’m a pretty messy person (I prefer organized chaos) and I feel exposed and embarrassed.
I immediately felt sick to my stomach and all I could say was “what the hell” and “I really can’t believe you actually did that.” My anxiety went through the roof and I couldn’t even pretend to be okay with it. My face got hot and I felt like I was going to throw up.
I told him I appreciate the gesture but it was way too much for me and I feel that my privacy has been violated. My friends said it was a sweet gesture and I’m overreacting.
AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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kZsGcuzDwFZq7aeDUbu5QXFcrhw9eIlS
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a16llr
|
{
"description": "uninviting my friend to our party",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I uninvited my friend to our party?
|
I’ve been friends with this person off and on for years. When we get a long it’s great. When we don’t it’s awful. Over time the bad started building up.
He ditched me at party that he brought me to as a plus one to get laid (and will occasionally just get up and leave in the middle of hanging out bc he planned something else without mentioning). Then that same night asked me to come pick him up bc I guess things weren’t going well. Complained when I said I was drunk and couldn’t be of any help.
He continues to be not emotionally supportive or understanding. When I was having a bad day & we were supposed to hang out, he opted to cancel if I was gonna “be like that” as in not being in a good mood.
Anytime I would tell him things I didn’t appreciate (for example flaking on plans with no texts or calls to cancel) he just threatens to bring up past things I have done wrong in the friendship.
Did not even attempt to say bye to me when I was leaving across the world for 5 weeks.
I’ve had a hard time feeling justified in ending this friendship for many reasons, but I’ve opted to just not reach out anymore.
Me and my roommates are having a party and one of them invited him (not knowing I’m not talking to him). I honestly doubt he would come, but I don’t want to feel backed into a corner if he does decide to come.
So WIBTA if I uninvited him (I know he’s seen the invite on FB) or AITA for choosing not to be his friend? I feel like many of the reasons I have are small & maybe I’m just being over dramatic?
|
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b59mn5
|
{
"description": "getting angry at babysitting my 3 year old brother",
"pronormative_score": 32,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting angry at babysitting my 3 year old brother?
|
Okay so I live in a big family, I'm 19 and I have 5 siblings. I'm the eldest.
I have a 16 old brother, 13 old sister, and 3 more brothers who are 11, 9 and 3. I pay part of the rent every month and am living at home with everyone until I go to Uni in Spetember.
We lived in a cramped house atm, only 3 rooms between all of us. Dad doesn't live with us and I should be going to uni in September. I work most days of the weeks but the days I am home she gets me to babysit my 3 year old brother. Every. Single. Time.
And when I say I'm going out on my days off, which isn't often, she says "oh" and has this look of almost annoyance on her and it makes me feel bad. It just feels like all I am here for is to be a second parent to my little brother, it's gotten to the point where he's accidentally calling me mum which is sweet but concerning. He's my brother, not my child. It just frustrates me because I know she won't be able to get me to babysit once I'm at Uni, so it just feels like shes taking advantage of me whilst I'm here. My brother goes to preschool in the mornings as well from 8-1 so it's not like hes constantly home either.
She doesn't ask my 16 year old brother, because he's just gets annoyed with her and it's against the law to leave minors alone with him because of his age. But it just puts more pressure on me to say yes because in her mind I have no reason to say no to babysitting. So if I do say no shes bound to get annoyed at me.
Dont get me wrong I didn't used to mind the odd time I needed to babysit, because he can be a handful and she deserves a break from him for a few hours. But it's just gotten to the point where I can predict when she's gonna ask me to babysit. I know it's more convenient for her to leave him with me whilst she does her shopping or goes to pick up my other siblings from school, but she makes me feel like she can't do those things unless I babysit, which I know she can because she does it when I'm working.
I guess it's not the babysitting itself I'm annoyed with, it's the fact that she expects me to at this point and it's making me angry with her.
So Reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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aes0fk
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{
"description": "proposing over video chat",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for proposing over video chat?
|
Throwaway because I haven’t shared my engagement with everyone yet.
I’ve (27M) been dating my now fiancée (26F) (let’s call her Sally) for four years. Leading up to the holidays season she mentioned how nice it would be to be engaged to bring some good news to her family when they convene for Christmas. I am in the military and I will not be back until Mid March. But it seemed like she really wanted to be engaged.
So on 21 December I decided to propose to her over our biweekly video chat. I told her how much I loved her how much she meant to me and how I was sorry that I couldn’t be there in person to do this. I promised to get her a ring as soon as I returned as I have been saving up for one for quite some time. She accepted.
But when we talked recently she told me that she was really upset that I decided to propose over video chat. She said she was just thinking out loud because her younger sister recently got engaged. She said the proposal could have waited until March. She said her family thinks I have no manners and that I’m very rude for doing this. Her dad seems particularly upset that I didn’t ask for his permission. I do remember she mentioned once that she wanted me to ask him but I thought this requirement went out the window when she started giving hints that she wanted to be engaged by Christmas.
I think Sally and I are still engaged but she is still very upset about how I did it. I don’t know how to make this better because I thought I did exactly what she asked me to do and I thought I would make her happy. But I don’t know if I should be feeling this upset because it seems and communicated badly.
I don’t know how to feel Reddit. Am I the asshole?
TL;DR I’m deployed but my girlfriend threw hints that she wanted to be engaged. I asked her over video chat and now she is angry but I don’t know what I could’ve done better.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
G2fisNtZAHdoxZx4ogCwdNHmlvIHjfGA
|
9ygt83
| null |
AITA?
|
I went on a weeklong trip with my bestfriend and the girl he was trying to get with. It was going really well until the night before the last night, where we all got a little drunk. What ended up happening was after he went to sleep I went into the other room to lay down as well. Right before falling asleep the girl he was trying to get with comes in and lays down next to me and begins to spoon with me. One thing leads to another and we end up having sex. She came onto me, I'd like that to be clear. I've since had the discussion with my friend about it and I can tell that it hurt him a tremendous amount. I'm now trying to build a relationship with this girl and still remain friends with the man I call my brother. So am I the asshole for what seems like just trying to find happiness?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
wocLloNWDiYP1RROkUAhRiRGeeo2kTo2
|
ago51u
|
{
"description": "not wanting to calm my boyfriend down",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to calm my boyfriend down?
|
Im pretty new to this reddit things so Im not sure if Im posting in the right subreddit.
​
Let me start this up by saying that I \[F22\] love my boyfriend \[M23\] and I have no doubt that he loves me. That's just a bump that I would want to resolve. He was never violent, never hit me or called me names.
​
This post isn't about arguing but rather about a situation where he gets angry at something that has nothing to do with me. Like getting into a fight with his dad and stuff like that. He can raise his voice and swaer a lot when angry (which he doesnt do any other time) but nothing that would make me feel geniuely threathened. Yet I still find myself intimidated by him when he is losing his temper. I usually don't know how to react and stay quiet. That doesn't sit well with my bf. In his opinion I should be there to calm him down and talking to him is the best way to do that.The reason I dont want to do it is well:
* I really dont know what to do in situations like this and like I said feel intimidated by him. He wants me to just pick a topic and talk about it but its hard when I see him clearly angry.
* He tends to redirect his anger towards me even if Im not involved in this situation.
​
We talked about it and we both firmly stand our ground - I think that he should calm down on his own, he thinks I should be there to help him. Im more than happy to console him if he's sad but I feel like its a different situation. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
jgQOut9YLIByspPtyJu3IsmzDqlbtQbn
|
b3y9s5
|
{
"description": "blowing off neighbor",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for blowing off neighbor
|
I have a neighbor who is a nice enough guy but is constantly calling me or knocking on my door to vent about his problems. He's absolutely convinced that 2 of his downstairs neighbors are conspiring against him. Telling me that they are listening in on his phone & that they are trying to get information against him. He's also asked me to come to his apartment & file the callouses off his feet several times and will badger me when I decline. Last month we had to put our 14 year old dog down when he got sick. A week later I saw my neighbor and he asked how I was. I told him I was feeling pretty down and he asked why. When I told him how much I missed my dog his response was "You're not over that yet?". He said it like I shouldn't still be upset over losing my pet. Between that and being tired of listening to him gripping about his other neighbors obsessively, I've found myself trying to avoid him. I feel kinda bad about it because he has helped me out in the past. Taking me to the grocery store when our car broke down and loaning me money once, but honestly, I've heard his rant about the neighbors more times than I can count. I don't know what he expects me to do or say. I don't believe in getting involved in other people's drama. I have enough going on in my own life. Am I wrong in feeling this way?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
j8DsGZumzosz3Ya9BB1JrqgbeuOk3HTj
|
b9l3yr
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go on a planned weekend trip with my best friend because of his new girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go on a planned weekend trip with my best friend because of his new girlfriend?
|
My best friend and I have planned a fishing trip for this weekend with 3 of his kids a few hours away from home. My friend, and I have known each other for 14 years, I go to his house every weekend, and we are really close. He has 4 kids, but the mother of the last one left him a little over a year ago because she caught him cheating, and for unrelated reasons doesn't let the child see him.
​
My friend quickly found another girlfriend, and after about a half a year they split up. Last week around monday he told me he was talking to the woman he cheated with again, that she is married but leaving her husband, and he was going to take it slow with her. The very next day she told him she told her husband to get out. Sunday they started staying at her house. Now she wants to go on the fishing trip with us, and his 3 boys.
​
I helped raise the child he doesn't get to see a little more than the other 4. From the time she was 4 months old until around 2 years old I watched her during waking hours for the most part as I was staying with them, and they worked 3rd shift, and slept until the evening. I grew a really big attachment to the baby. I just don't think I can meet the new girlfriend for the first time without being bombarded with the thought that she was part of the reason I don't get to see that baby anymore. When I do meet her I want to be able to have an escape plan, and we'll be using my SUV to get us all to the fishing spot, so if I couldn't take dealing with her, and left then they wouldn't have a ride back.
​
I don't know if I am being petty, but I definitely feel guilty for pressuring him to decide whether to have me go, or her. It really doesn't matter to me if he picks her, because I have a shit ton of housework to get caught up on. But am I being a petty asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
nnSB6QmHVgJ518LXOigjG44ACSLwtBEx
|
ayj0bd
|
{
"description": "staying until 5:30 at my job while my so is sick",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA Staying until 5:30 at my job while my SO is sick?
|
Hey guys just throwing this out here bc i feel like im not in the wrong but i just got screamed at bc "im inconsiderate".
So my SO (M 31) & i (F 19) have been together for 2 yrs, live together and we get along pretty well. We have other issues in our relationship though that r kind of relevant, like him sometimes yelling at me or getting loud when i dont do as he says things like that. I work a 9-5:30 monday through friday and i do not have a car, so he takes me to work almost every morning and picks me up. He only works 3 MAYBE 4x a week (which r weekends) since he is a barber.
Now i work in sales and its pretty busy in the office during working hours, (given we get three 10-15 minute breaks thru out the day depending if we hit our goal or not) especially simce we have a bunch of new hires they need to train and theres only like 3 managers right now. Ive worked there for a little over 6 months and today i made a few sales so they had me working the floor helping the rookies.
My SO texts me earlier in the day telling me he feels sick and hes been throwing up and excessively using the bathroom, we think he got food poisoning somehow. Pretty much i called him wrote him when i coukd making sure he was okay and letting him know i was doing pretty good for the day and there was a possibility that i could leave early. Well he took that possibility and turned it into a "get out early i dont feel good" type deal. I bend over backwards for this man on a regular basis, have even skipped work to take care of him and a handful of other shit. Pretty much when i got on the floor to help i left my phone at my desk, (we arent allowed to use our phones at all) and he then proceeded to send me the following messages;
" I cnt fuckingbelieve u" "You're f****** inconsiderate" "I clearly see you don't give two fux about me I appreciate you so f****** much but it took you and pick up in my girl f****** week matter leash and you can't do me in this f****** simple favor cuz you want to make 1/3 f****** self when I'm f****** feeling horrible I'm sitting on myself and throwing up on myself now man I got you".
As soon as 5:30 hit i reached for my phone and couldnt believe he spazzed like that at me, I could understand if you would have left and let me know that he was too sick to come get me I completely understand and I even told him that on the phone.
So Reddit, am I the asshole??????
TLDR; boyfriend spazzed crazy to me on the phone and once i got off work in the car because i didnt reply to his messages while i was working and hes sick.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
kfI8BeCk7teKs5bYocFkBiRSMmdlr8Yz
|
amivx7
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my sister being late to getting picked up",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my sister being late to getting picked up?
|
I have been pondering a bit about this over the weekend, but felt like I wanted to hear about other peoples opinion for insight
So ever since I (23 years old) recently got my driver licence, I have been driving my sister (15) around to her friends and family cottage as it is too far for her to walk to those places. That I am fine with as long as it is asked about instead of just being suddenly sprung on me, which usually doesn't happen. But the other day I got a bit annoyed when I was going to pick her up after her friends birthday party.
I was asked the day before if I could drive my mom to the cottage, and take back the car since it's battery has been having issues with the cold here and dying on her, so she wanted it in a safe place, and if I later could both drive my sister and our cousin to the party, pick her up around the time it was done, get her and drive her to the family cottage. I accepted and said fine, I can do that as it's the least I can do to have the house to myself, and it's only a 10-15 min drive each way.
Next day comes and I have had a long day at work and are a bit exhausted, but can't really take a nap as I have the drives I need to do. When they come home, my sister asks if I also could drive her to her cousins house an hour before the party, a house which is a 2 minute drive. I say fine and decide to do that after driving my mom. when returning, I tell her to get ready to be picked up, and I have to wait 5 minutes until she actually get's in the car after arriving home and drive her over, an hour pass, I drive to our cousins place, pick them up and drive them to the party, and I say I will call when I am on my way and they need to get ready.
time passes again and I go to pick them up, I get a message from my cousin that my sisters phone has run out of battery (which is a common occurrence much to our dismay when trying to contact her) and tells me to tell her when I'm nearby. I do so about 2 minutes before I get there so they have time to change to cottage clothing, and get the message to wait a few minutes. After 5 minutes passed after the appointed time, I send a new message to my cousin "Are you guys ready soon?" as to which I get no responses. Another 5 minutes pass until I finally see them walking to the car. A bit annoyed I tell them to hurry up so that we could go. After driving for a little bit and my sister does a bit of small talk and I respond, albeit not the best of moods, which makes her go "Why are you mad?"
For context, this is a sentence I hear so often from her that it actually drives me mad. My sister loves small talk too much, while I in general are a very reclusive person. Which tends to make me a bit annoyed when she talks for way too long. and that usually prompt her to ask me that. it has gotten to the point where even me and my parents have to tell her to stop saying it since just because people aren't "happy" they aren't necessarily "mad", and then she get's a little offended when we get annoyed because "she was just asking".
So prompting that question, I frankly just responded "because you two spend a lot of time when we had an appointed time, and didn't tell me when you where done, while also leaving me in the dark about when you where done", where she argues that the party didn't end until I arrived and they had to spend the 10 minutes getting ready, which actually means they are taking their sweet time, and that I have no reason to being annoyed/mad. Me just wanting to get home again, drove the rest of the ride quietly, left them off where they needed to be, and went home
TL;DR Had to drive my sister to and from a party, had an appointed time that they overstayed, did not clarify when they started getting ready, which prompted me getting annoyed, and telling my displeasure when she questioned it. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
NR9Mu8G4mlSVO4cGVkhRGH5GWZuNSO2T
|
ahealn
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend that she's not losing weight because she eats a lot of snacks",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend that she's not losing weight because she eats a lot of snacks?
|
My girlfriend works out and diets, she has been trying very hard to lose weight, and I sincerely admire how much effort she puts forth, but she eats throughout the day and doesn't account for the calories eaten as snacks. Her weight loss has stagnated for the past 6-8 months. She hasn't gained any weight, though.
She has a calorie counter, and she strictly adheres to a 1500 calorie diet every day. But once I calculated how much she was eating as snacks/soda, and it was almost an extra 1000 calories. I told her that, and I think she was just having a really bad day because she started crying and said that she was fat, that she's ugly and so on (she's only a little overweight, and a very beautiful woman).
Anyway, she keeps drinking soda and wine, and eating in between meals, and then she keeps getting frustrated that she's not losing weight. When she does, sometimes I'll bring this up. She started getting mad at me when I talk about it.
I just think that if she accounted for the calories that she's eating between meals, she would see that she's not eating as healthy as she thinks.
I'm wondering if I'm being an asshole by bringing it up when she gets frustrated, and I think I need an outsider's perspective. Am I approaching this the wrong way?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 11,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
X00PZijPzbEzzqbS4ptmJr1D199o3Jpr
|
b3sz54
|
{
"description": "getting my tin of cookies back",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting my tin of cookies back
|
I [F21] guess it's kind of a trivial thing but I'm a little bothered by it.
My colleague[M?] recently came back after going offshore for a project and on my request brought back a tin of cookies(which my friend sent over for me). The tin was quite big and it was quite a hassle for him to bring it over but he was nice enough to do it. He had brought some chocolates to share as well. I shared my cookies with everyone and was intending to take the tin back home once everyone in my team had enough.
I decided to leave the box on my desk that night and have some the next day. Next day when I came back, I saw that everything was missing from the desk. On enquiring, I learnt that my coworker's friends(who work the night shift) finished everything and took the tin as well. I was pissed. I insisted that they atleast give me back my tin as they've already finished my cookies(I had a running joke with my friend that the box is nicer than the cookies).
So AITA for asking for such a trivial thing?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
9KcUZrRdnzPwNmrXIBH84UuIHwymG92T
|
9vb76o
|
{
"description": "being 100% honest with my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being 100% honest with my boyfriend?
|
I started dating a friend of mine about a year and a half ago. Before we even started dating we were talking a lot about pretty much everything, and sexual preference, desires, and fantasies was part of it. I had told him that I cannot get off via penetration alone and that I used toys. I also told him that I'm not really into kissing or romance, but sometimes it's good, all depends on the mood. Anyways he started to develop feelings for me, and we ended up getting together. Our sex life was ok in the beginning because I was under the assumption that he was nervous. After a few months I brought up the idea of getting some toys for the bedroom ( I threw mine away because I had used them with a previous partner and I don't think that's hygienic to keep them). He said no, and that I couldn't have any for myself because "he is there, and always willing to have sex" and that "he can satisfy my needs" this was partially true. He was also complaining about the lack of sex we were having around that time because my sex drive was low. This was due to moving houses, moving colleges, a college strike, and also because I wasn't excited about having sex with him because I was NEVER getting off. At this point I was giving him blowjobs once in a while and he did try to reciprocate, but to be honest he was AWFUL at it. Also to add the sex wasn't even good. Like it's always the same, and I can't really get on top and make it exciting because his dick isn't big enough, it always falls out (I like his size, it feels good for me, but on top is like a constant battle)
So another month goes by and he is losing his shit on me about the lack of sex we are having. I didn't know what to say because I didn't want to hurt his feelings, so I said hey maybe we could get some toys or something and spice it up again, and he basically says that I don't need toys because he is there, and I'm the one not initiating, or not having sex with him.
So this is where I told him the truth. I told him that I do want sex it's just that I'm not satisfied with the sex we have. I told him I never get off and it's not exciting for me. I told him that the toys help to get me off after he does or before. I told him maybe more foreplay is where we need to focus to make it enjoyable for both of us. I could tell he was hurt by everything, but he said ok and that he was willing to try. This was about 6 or 7 months ago. We have had sex like 3 times since then, and I am extremely frustrated. None of those times I got off either.
So I bring it up last night asking him why he doesn't want to have sex? We were already arguing about something else anyways, and he says angrily "I have been with A LOT of women and none of them had any sexual problems, you make me feel so inadequate" i asked him how and he said that I have this ability to make people feel like shit unconsciously.
Am I the asshole here? Like should I have just had boring, unsatisfying sex to make him feel better?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
TAUDD9F1g5vtl213GmPWs9R1zt5rMvgC
|
b5gqb6
|
{
"description": "not giving the slot machine winnings to my special needs uncle",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not giving the slot machine winnings to my special needs uncle(-in-law)?
|
My wife and I were out at a casino with her mother, aunt and uncle. I sat down at a slot machine after dinner and put a few hundred dollars in and was just casually tapping max bets. Everyone was just huddled behind me watching and chatting or whatever.
I turned to my wife and said “hit the button for good luck.” She hit it, no win (or nothing worth remembering) and just kind of rotated through all spectators, just hitting the button. Her mother always makes some funny psuedo-ritualistic hand wave before tapping it, it’s playful.
Well her uncle hit it and it hit for a few hundred dollars, we all cheered and I cashed out. Thinking nothing of it I was walking to the cashier and her aunt said to her uncle “what are you going to do with the money?” I instantly halted and said “What?” —keep in mind it’s all my money invested— and everyone said, well he hit the button, it’s his winnings “right?” I said, I was just letting people hit it since they were idling. Things got very awkward and no one seemed to agree with me and they had a hard time, actually an impossible time, rationalizing my reasoning.
I paid him like 20% of the winnings for general purpose. Still incongruent to their wishes but whatever.
AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
zovhQsvmYIFJYz3ucrlW6EFxxCnDSYky
|
azyrgj
|
{
"description": "refusing to apologize after it came out that my ex wife was right",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 35
}
|
AITA for refusing to apologize after it came out that my ex wife was right
|
My ex and I have a son, who is 10. About 2 years ago, my wife started going from doctor to doctor complaining about some symptom or another that my son was showing. It got to the point that certain doctors refused to see her. I never witnessed any of the symptoms, but I was never really home as I was working full time plus overtime and usually got home after my son was asleep.
However, my wife’s insistence that something was wrong with our son in spite of the fact that every doctor was telling her it was nothing absolutely tanked our marriage and I left her. The court allowed her primary custody, but medical decisions had to go through me. I also called CPS on her to make sure she wasn’t continuing on with the doctor shopping. CPS closed the case, so I thought it was done with.
However, my son recently broke his arm, and when the hospital did the xrays and such, they noticed some issues and started asking him questions, which resulted in a specialist coming in, and my son was diagnosed with a very uncommon disease that explained all the symptoms that my wife had claimed he had the years before. I was there for all of this, so I know my ex didn’t do anything to influence the diagnosis. In fact, she refused to go into the hospital room at all and made me do it instead.
When they told us the diagnosis, I could tell my ex was feeling smug. I didn’t say anything in front of our son, but when he went into the bathroom, I told her she wasn’t getting an apology from me. She laughed in my face and left me feeling even more pissed, but I’m not going to pursue it for my sons sake. AITA in all this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 34,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 35
}
|
WRONG
|
jLegRHQdvsug83MgDJuOYVXx84daN2YA
|
al310e
|
{
"description": "saying my friend's drawings have gotten better",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for saying my friend's drawings have gotten better?
|
So I was chatting with her last night and she sent me a picture of something she had drawn. She had said in previous pictures that she couldn't quite get the eyes right. So I said that her current drawing has improved and the facial placements look better. In response she said I was being rude and that saying that she was getting much better was patronising because she didn't ask for an opinion and it makes it sound like she's not very good. She said she gets a bit touchy about her art and regretted not pursuing a career on it. And when people criticise it, she doesn't need it.
I apologised for if it came off as negative as it wasn't what was intended, but thinking back on it, is it really my problem if someone is touchy about something? And especially if she criticised her own drawings to begin with. I don't know, I just think it was uncalled for and she made the worst assumption. She did say afterwards that it's hard to interpret what messages mean but I'm sure that could be taken the wrong way in person.
Thoughts?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
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"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Z567WsS29hOqDRMtuM7XD7JKASwD50WJ
|
a1afd7
|
{
"description": "leaving my girlfriend because of her drinking and smoking",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving my girlfriend because of her drinking and smoking?
|
So my gf started drinking and smoking and within a few months, it made her smell and taste like shit. She got angry at me for telling her she was drinking too much and said if I really loved her I wouldn’t care. I care about her and I wanted her to get some help with her problem, but she refused. She wasn’t taking care of herself at all and would beg me to take care of her. I know me leaving was mean in a sense but I want a woman who has her shit together and knows how to hold her own. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
scGgVfrznzkh0R6Hg4Tf1lVbtvI4IHgk
|
a8a88k
|
{
"description": "punching a gay person for staring at my so",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
WIBTA if I punched a gay person for staring at my SO?
|
So this was in D&D, and happened with my friend, let's call her friend 1. So in D&D we broke into a lab, where there was one guy only, who happened to be gay on request of friend 2, who was in game married to friend 1 and is always shirtless. The guy in the lab ended up staring at friend 2 until friend 1 punched him in the face.
Reddit, do your thing.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
3Mo5xQx7N9g7DNM97IIuNRhS1OLJkbvv
|
ag9vy2
|
{
"description": "being upset with my sister for not covering for me on my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset with my sister for not covering for me on my birthday?
|
A little back story.
My 21st birthday is this Friday. I was planning on not working because I had requested it off and would be going to the Secretary of State to renew my license and tags.
Well last week my boss asked who would be covering my shift(7am-3:30pm) for me on my birthday. I said I didn’t know because they had already approved my time off for Friday. My sister happens to work where I work and we both work in the kitchen. My sister overheard the conversation and told my boss that’d she’d be able to cover my shift, the only thing was she had an appointment that morning she would have to leave for then come back later. My boss said that was okay.
Fast forward to yesterday, saw my sister at work again. Reminded her about Friday and she said “I don’t work Fridays”. I’m confused at this point and recite what she had told me and my boss last week. She then said she never said any of that and that she wouldn’t be working. I’ve exhausted all my other options of coverage. No one can cover me. I feel like I’m going crazy because my boss also clearly remembers her saying she’d cover for me.
AITA for being upset with her?
I don’t mind working on my birthday but it just bums me out since I had already asked for this day off three months in advance.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b7r0ws
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{
"description": "not going to a Gay/LGBT Pride Festival in my town",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for not going to a Gay/LGBT Pride Festival in my town?
|
This isn’t really a long story, my neighbor is Lesbian. Great, awesome, whatever. I don’t exactly need to know everyone’s sexualities cause frankly, I don’t care. I believe it’s their business to do whatever they want and it’s none of my business to disturb or intrude them. Yesterday her wife came over and invited me to join them in the local LGBT parade they have been planning. I politely declined, I told her exactly “no offense, I understand that you want all the support that you can get, but it’s not the right thing for me.” Later that night I got word that she had bad mouthed me, calling me a Homophobe. The works. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "telling my attention seeking friend to stop contacting me",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA: If I told my attention seeking friend to stop contacting me.
|
I have been friends with this girl for 4 years. She is the kind of girl who is always a victim. I have supported her through countless hardships and two years into the friendship I realised it wasn't a two way street. As soon as I had any kind of trouble she told me she couldn't talk about it.
She has 3 instagrams and has legitimately posted a photo every 30 mins she was in hospital just to have her own little pity party. Her reason for being in hospital was real and that but she made it into such a show of woe is me.
She just went to hospital again and messaged me for the first time in a year in a half. She asked about the only thing she knew about my life and then by the third message was complaining about her life.
Would I be an asshole if I told her I did not care and that I was sick of only being messaged by her when she wanted a pity party?
Keep in mind I have seen her update her 15 best friends that she loves from her hospital bed. She has no shortage of people to pity party with she just likes an audience.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "sending it",
"pronormative_score": 2,
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}
|
AITA for sending it?
|
So I was riding my bike around the neighborhood today and I saw this little 2-3 foot shipping dock that ran parallel to the warehouse it was used for. Now the low part of the dock led straight into the parking lot for the business that used the warehouse, but there weren't any cars parked there so it was the perfect opportunity to do a little jump. Well when I started to go for it a customer pulled in so I stopped. However he ended up on the other side of the lot so I turned around to give it another go, but this guy yells at me:
Guy: Don't jump it!
Me: Why?
G: Because it's a place of business and I don't want you to get hurt.
M: Ok, you the police?
G: Does it matter?
M: Uh yeah?
G: Dude don't be a prick I'm just asking you not to jump.
M: That's fine it's a free country you can ask me that all you want.
G: I'm just asking you not to.
M: And... I'm saying no to you. Are you gonna call the police though? If you are let me know and I'll just leave now.
G: No I'm not gonna call them I'm just asking you to not do that.
M: Then... Imma do it.
So I'm not saying he's an asshole bc he was very composed and nice, but I don't think I was necessarily one either. I just jumped it and went on my way and nothing else happened, what's reddit's take on it?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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{
"description": "saying if I had a girlfriend, I would expect her to regularly give me head",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for saying if I had a girlfriend, I would expect her to regularly give me head?
|
I saw a post here recently and was discussing with a group of friends. The title is a bit misleading in that I said "I wouldn't date a girl who doesn't regularly give me head" (i.e. I would never pressure a girl into giving regular head, but I would only make a girl who gives regular head my girlfriend). I said this because it comes down to a matter of respect/selflessness. Whenever I'm in a relationship, I regularly go down on the girl (even though I technically don't get physical satisfaction) and would only be in a relationship with a girl who does the same. When I said this, someone called me misogynistic. I tried explaining that I never force anyone, would reciprocate and it's my choice who I want to date, but they still called me an asshole.
​
So reddit AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aks078
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{
"description": "cutting off a friend for recording me without my permission",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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|
AITA for cutting off a friend for recording me without my permission?
|
Ok, so that title is a little misleading, but there will be a tl;dr at the bottom.
There are four people in the story, we’ll call them Johnny, Brett, Sam, and me. Johnny and Brett didn’t do anything too serious, but they do have a roll in the story. Sam is the one who was recording me.
The story begins with the four of us playing video games together. Like, a lot. We played almost everyday, and I thought my information was secure with them. Turns out, it wasn’t. Sam was saving every single bit of audio we had together and showing it to people. He even said that he was uploading it, which he later said was a joke, but I think that was just damage repair. So he was invading my privacy as far as I see it, but he sees it differently. Anyways, I blocked communication with him and didn’t speak with him for a year or two. Johnny and Brett pressured me to get over it and become friends with him, despite my anger. I eventually had to cut them all off because the constant peer pressure from Johnny and Brett and the verbal insults that started coming from Sam (I insulted him back when he did this, but he ended up crying once, so I thought it best to just stop all communication). Today I had to get a paper from him because we were put into a group in class, and he brought up the situation in a sort of “remember the time? That was so funny!” Kind of way. I got the paper and left. So my question is, AITA for cutting someone off for recording me? Am I just being melodramatic?
Tl;dr: friend shows people our conversations and I stop speaking to him. I have to cut him and two others off because they pressured me to forgive him.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "allowing Americans to be bullied at my school in Canada",
"pronormative_score": 0,
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|
AITA for allowing Americans to be bullied at my school in Canada?
|
I generally stop bullying and make a stand against it. However, Americans have such a toxic disgusting culture of self-entitlement that I have let them be bullied for a bit because my hope is to mould them into citizens who think about others and not just themselves.
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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9ufqc2
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{
"description": "having relations with a woman who was taken",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for having relations with a woman who was taken?
|
First time poster go easy on me guys also not very good at grammar.
Anyways this happens a while back when I was 19 I'm 22 now, so I applied for a position at Wendy's since I was still I school the time after like 2 days I got a call for an interview i went in and the manger let's call her S was there to interview me so I get the job and start the next day. I usually worked overnight so closing time and my first day S was there and she started making conversation about like if I had a girl if I was still in school you know small talk. I started to make remarks about she looked pretty because in all honesty she did she was in her early 30s 32 I believe well we had a good talk and we became friends. So the next day I was off and I get a random picture I was like who is this and i get a response it's S she tell me sorry she sent that to the wrong number so I was like ok it's cool then she starts talking to me about what days I work or what ever and I told her asked her the same thing so we start texting more often we the next day we close again together and she told me to get something out the freezer in the back as I am going she fallows me hugs me and kisses me I am very surprised at this development so I kiss her back then she smiles and says we have to go before somebody suspects something so we start talking to each other more outside of the job for about like 3 weeks and in the job she was like second in command so assistant manager to store manager. So any chance she got to close she would always put me on the schedule one day she told me if I wanted a ride home and I complied so we get by outside my house and start talking and stuff as I'm about to leave she grabs me and kisses me and you know she ends up giving me a blowjob so yeah you know I am happy motherfucker and all as more time passes we start doing this every time we close but only the first time I got felacio the next couple of times I get felacio and sex. Since she was the 2 in command I got away with alot of shit at work I could drink on the job smoke weed at night when lobby was closed I'm pretty sure I even did cocaine a couple of times, I start asking her about if she has a husband and she says yes and they have 3 kids together I am baffled by such revelation and ask her why she's doing this. She says that her husband treats her like garbage and he cheats on her and that I make her happy because I always send he flowers chocolates etc. So one day the husband goes to the job and as I was talking yo her he calls her over and he starts yelling at her for old what reason but I can feel his eyes on the back of my head he was angry but I had no idea why. Well things start escalating so we start going to hotels and going out for food and we both seem to be having a good time.
Well a couple of days pass and I start seeing him more and more at work maybe he wanted to fix the relationship idk. Then one day we go to a hotel and he calls her and tells her he is outside well fuck. We both start to panic don't know why. So he comes and knocks thankfully by that time we are done with everything we were there to do so she goes out first and the guy is yelling at her till she gets in her car then s back and knocks on the door and keeps knocking so I call one of my friends who was also a manager there to come to the hotel lets call her A well she gets there comes in
A: what's going on
Me: he kind of caught us
A: damm he looks really pissed of
Me: ima tell him we were having a meeting about work hopefully he will buy it and that you are my gf
A: OK
SO the ex husband don't know what the deal is keeps knocking I go and answer the door
Him: so you are her new bf?
Me: no not really just having a meeting
A:I'm his girlfriend he has been waiting for me
Him: OK pushed door in starts frantically looking for something
I didn't know at the time but he was probably looking for condoms I kind of never used condoms with his wife tho
He keeps looking but doesn't find anything pulls out phone I guess he was revising the whole conversation tells me he has been following us for the last couple of weeks says he is going to put it on Facebook then leaves
As I was very nervous I sigh tell A I'm very thankfull for what she did then she drops me home after a couple of weeks I quit my job while she goes on vacation with her family for a week I guess I was her little ceasers hot and ready never saw her again
SO am I the asshole for having sexual relationships with a woman who was married and was probably pushing them farther apart?
Sorry my story is all over the place.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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adeko1
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{
"description": "treating my Godmother like my real mother and wanting to cut off ties with my real mom",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for treating my Godmother like my real mother and wanting to cut off ties with my real mom?
|
Dear Reddit
Firstly I apologise if I make any mistakes in my post, as over here we use a few different languages with English being one of them. Also this is my first post here, need some advice badly.
I’ve been raised by my real birth mom since young, and my entire memory of her is just being beaten and scolded throughout my childhood. She hasn’t worked a single day ever since I was born, my dad is the sole breadwinner of my family and therefore didn’t spend a lot of time at home. So my mom just spends most of the time at home doing household chores and complaining about the fact that no one cares about her. She is also an alcoholic with depression.
I remember as a child I always woke up in tears as she would verbally and physically abuse me on a daily basis from the time I wake up till I leave the house for school or some other activity. She often called me useless and said things like she wished that I had never been born, etc. Because of all these, I have attempted suicide when I was 13. Other than being well supported by my father financially, I really don’t think I was raised with love and nurtured well as a child. But that’s fine by me, I told myself that once I am self-sufficient I will be able to move out and lead my own life.
On the other hand, I have a very caring Godmother (my dad’s older sister aka my aunt) who is single and has no children of her own. So she treated me like her own, bringing me on holidays with her, gave me extra money and gifts for special occasions. But the most important part wasn’t just all these, she supported my through my childhood giving me advice in life and whenever I faced problems. She was the one who guided me on the right path as she knew that I wasn’t receiving all of these from my parents. Thanks to her, I prioritised my studies and made it through university.
Fast forward to present day, I am a working adult in my late 20s. I have also gotten married and shifted out from my parent’s home. Naturally I don’t see my mom as much and conflicts have been significantly reduced. Nonetheless, we try to get together as a family on special occasions like birthdays or Mother’s Day, etc. On those days that I do see her, she gives me regular shit as well.
Lately I realised that no matter what I do to make her happy, she doesn’t appreciate nor reciprocate. Do bear in mind that I have tried very hard to make amends and communicate with my mother to improve our relations and while I do admit that she does get better at times, every few months she lashes back out at me and makes me feel like any improvement she has tried to make are all fake and deep inside she still hates me. Every time such an episode happens it affects me on a very deep level and I get emotionally affected for days and weeks.
Now I do not make any more effort to visit her, I intend to only meet up with my dad separately to pass allowances and continue to treat my godmom as my real mother. I introduce my godmom as my mom to outsiders because that’s how I genuinely feel and I am grateful for how she has raised me up to what I am today. Many people who do not know my story has pointed out that I should continue to try harder with my mom as afterall, she is my real mother.
However, I feel that I no longer have any capacity to try harder. Whatever extra time or money I have, I would very much prefer to spend it on my godmother or my father instead. I’ve received a lot of backlash from other family members as I am an Asian where we prioritise things like filial piety and children are expected to be respectful of our elders. I am also a struggling young adult with limited finances, I cannot afford to give a large enough sum of money to everyone so I am forced to decide between my mom and my godmom, and I have chosen the latter.
I have chosen this path as I am tired of this toxic relationship and all the negativity and emotional blackmail that ensue just from dealing with my mother.
Am I the asshole? Or is there something else I can try to do in this situation?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "calling my brother-in-law a nickname he doesn't like and him calling me a stupid bitch in return",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 29
}
|
AITA for calling my brother-in-law a nickname he doesn't like and him calling me a stupid bitch in return?
|
So my brother in law's name is Christopher and as a nickname I like to call him Christy boy. He HAS told me before that he does not like the name because it is a girl's name and to not call him that. They recently had a baby who they named after him and I use the same nickname for the baby. The other day I called the baby christy boy and he said that is not his name and I replied with "I was not talking to you Christy boy" and he called me a stupid bitch. I think that the nickname is not hurting anyone and is not offensive so he should not be bothered by it. I also think that while I probably should stop calling him that he took it too far by calling me a stupid bitch.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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|
aqx5lg
|
{
"description": "lying to customers",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for lying to customers?
|
Ive been working for $BigFloralCompany in a call center for about 3 weeks now. Its been up and down, but what happened today has just killed me. I had placed an order for someone two days ago for a funeral for delivery yesterday, and ensured them that it would make it on time. They called me today and said it never showed up, and I refunded them the money they spent. The day they ordered it I had called that florist and ensured it would be there on time, but I guess now I am a liar. The voice of the customer was so broken it kills me... And I am like 5 seconds away from quitting.
So tell me, AITA?..
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
ayin0t
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my boyfriend bc he was going to (a) get a dog with his ex-wife to share and (b) let his ex wife move into his house for an indeterminate period of time",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend bc he was going to (a) get a dog with his ex-wife to share and (b) let his ex wife move into his house for an indeterminate period of time ?
|
AITA? My boyfriend of 9 months told me that his ex-wife asked him to get a dog together that will go back and forth to their houses with the kids and she also asked him if she can move into his house for an unspecified time period so she can sell her house, upgrade to a larger house, and live with him for free while she fixes up the larger house. He said yes and when she offered to live in the basement and he said she could move into the spare bedroom across the hallway from his bedroom instead bc it is more comfortable (??) Is this something divorced people with kids are doing? I felt so weird about it but didn’t think it was my place bc they have kids “it was all fir the kids”. They both have good jobs. AITA for breaking up with him ?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
a5bgav
|
{
"description": "yelling at someone to move for blocking a doorway",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for yelling at someone to move for blocking a doorway?
|
Its the middle of finals week and stress is high for everyone. Anyway, a couple of students were on our way into a hallway when these 3 chumps were blocking it chatting away. A young lady said excuse me twice and they didn't move. I yelled, "MOVE man you're blocking the doorway". They all stared at me and mean mugged me as we passed through.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
aahmnv
|
{
"description": "being angry with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for being angry with my girlfriend
|
I(M26) is currently in a relationship with my gf (F40). We known each other for about 8 months and have started dating each other for about 1 month. Over the course of the 1 month, I have been waiting for her to end her work and sending her back home via public transport. (I usually wait about 1 to 1.5 hrs for her to end work as she have to work overtime and I will take about 1 hr and 15 mins to send her home and another 1 hr and 15 mins to go back my house). Other than doing stuff like this, I would also frequently called her at night. Sometimes, the phone conversation can be silly things such as "What did you have for dinner & stuff."
Hence, due to our work and countless phone conversation that we had. We often have very little time as we will sleep late and wake up early in the morning to go to work. \[Regular weekdays are something like this: 7 A.M. \~ 7 P.M. (Work + Travelling to work) 7 P.M. \~ 10 P.M. (Dinner + Travel back home) 10 P.M. \~ 12 to 1 A.M. (Phone Conversation) 1 A.M. \~ 7 A.M. (Sleep)\]
Yesterday, when I was sending her back home. I asked her if she would like me to call her at night once again. She then replied with something along the lines "What is there to talk about? Do you still have things to talk about? Don't waste my time" Upon hearing the 3 words like "Don't waste my time". I immediately was very angry and wanted her to take back those words as I felt that those countless times/night that I spent talking to her over the phone with no real agenda was wasting her time from her PoV. I had always thought those phone conversations that I had with her was spending time with each other.
Then, she refused to take back those words as she told me that she already said them. I subsequently tried to ask her whether she only said those words because she is tired from work or whether I did something wrong that might had made her angry earliar on. She then told me that she might be tired from work. Later on, she also mentioned to me that she had no time to do her stuff (You can see from the second paragraph that due to the phone conversation, she hardly have time for herself). So being me, I wanted to give her more room/breathing space so I suggested to her that we do no meet on 01 Jan 2019 (It is a public holiday and we already pre-planned to meet on 01 Jan 2019 & 30 Dec 2018(Weekends)\] and to only meet on 30 Dec 2018. Upon hearing this, she immediately got very angry at me and said that I am acting like a boy and she can't be with a boy who likes to throw tantrum. So, we broke up.
Question: AITA for i) being angry at what she said ii) cancelling the pre-planned appointment with her?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b34vp6
|
{
"description": "going on vacation without my spouse and kids",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for going on vacation without my spouse and kids?
|
I’ve hit max vacation time at work and have been told to take a vacation since I will not accumulate anymore vacation days.
I decided to take a couple days off in conjunction with one of my customers. I am building their phone system and they are my main customer at the moment, so I decided to take some time off when they are also taking time off. I did this so the project won’t be pushed out and take longer.
I decided to take a couple days off and mentioned it to my husband. I told him what I wanted to do, visit my brothers. I asked if he was ok with that and he said yes. I THEN asked my one brother if I could stay with him while I was in town.
I am calling off work during a school week, so it would impact one of our kids. I asked my husband if he could man the fort. He said yes. I have asked him a couple more times if he is ok with me leaving him for a couple of days. He is a stay at home dad and doesn’t get a break from the kids very often. I try my best at giving him a break, but his job is 24/7 and has it waaaaay harder than me. I know this and respect him immensely.
Now I feel like the asshole for taking time off of work and going to visit my family, see some friends, and go to a club night without him. I’m also doing some work stuff and having lunch with some engineers that are in my market that I don’t see very often. Face time is HUGE in the company I work for and figured since they were on my way home, I’d hit two birds with one stone.
Am I the asshole for going on vacation without my family?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
QI7Gb05NpLqZiz0Hz0Zxuob1yQI6mb6G
|
af23zr
|
{
"description": "stealing a Mountain Dew voltage can from my roommate but putting a $1 bill on the box",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA if I steal a Mountain Dew voltage can from my roommate but put a $1 bill on the box?
|
I’m digging some caffeine and I need soda so I decided I am going to steal his Mountain Dew then put a $1 bill in the Mountain Dew box.
AITA? He will be making a profit off of it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
e5yu7XwVuLx4SUNwhBvxy9PNY5Qw5ZNl
|
aki61s
|
{
"description": "misunderstanding a situation and not being able to explain myself",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For misunderstanding a situation and not being able to explain myself? (I think I am, I’m just checking to what degree)
|
I feel like the asshole here, and I feel like crap about it to the point where I cried about it and wanted to post here because I feel like an asshole and wanted to check if I should be beating myself up over this and dwelling like I am
This happened only a few minutes ago
I work at Dave and Busters In The Winner’s Circle, I was the only one on register and had been for a few minutes but left to real quick grab some tickets from a machine, as I did a woman and her kid running after a ball pass me, and, having dealt with similar situations before, having not seen where they came from, and not recognizing them, asked her if she had bought it. She gets very defensive and asks if I want to see the receipt (I just said sure because my anxiety kicked in at this point and I didn’t know what to do) and despite my attempts to explain myself and just call it a misunderstanding she seems to only get angrier and she and her husband both don’t let me explain myself
I feel like I should note this was a brown family and I’m white.
I also feel like I should note that I have ADHD (the RSD may be why I’m crying over this and dwelling on it so much!) and my therapist thinks I may be on the spectrum and I mention this because I only feel like I understand like a third of why the situation went south.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
DJVJJMYDmm67lnLAK5GpBIJm6yYci82x
|
awqmkz
|
{
"description": "throwing my husband a party",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for throwing my husband a party?
|
Here's some context. For the last year and a half, we've lived 100 miles away from each other because I study in a different city from where he worked. Recently, he got a job in my city. His birthday is also coming up. So I threw him a party and invited my friends (because he doesn't yet have friends who live here). I am fairly extroverted, and he is super duper introverted. I'm fairly social, and he prefers to stay home and play video games. Every party I've ever thrown for whatever reason, he has enjoyed. One thing to note is that every year his family and I go out for his birthday; he doesn't have birthday parties. I thought it was because his friends lived far, etc. My city is a small college town, so definitely not the case here. It turns out that yesterday when I brought up the birthday party he said he doesn't really like parties and that he doesn't really care for birthday parties. He knew I was throwing a party, but he didn't know it was for him. I was really sad; I wish he had told me before I got all the party items. I feel like I should've asked him before planning the party, though; I feel like kind of the butthole for not having checked with him. He said he appreciates everything I do, that he appreciates that I give him the world, that he will love this party because I planned it, and that he will enjoy it as much as possible. He is the most amazing person in the world; there was just a disconnect in communication between us. AITA for not having talked to him prior to sending out the party invites?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
BisqzJcvQlasndnG4vr8zFeZnDitrH6j
|
aqmogn
|
{
"description": "recommending a co worker take a room in our shared apartment",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for recommending a co worker take a room in our shared apartment?
|
So I work with a guy, let’s call him M. M is technically my boss, and has a vital role at our work. He also has a lot of responsibility at work, and on top of that he seemed like a nice guy.
So when a room opened up in my apartment, I asked around and he said he needed a room. I told the people we rent from that he should get the it, for the reasons I stated above. They go through the whole process with contract and all that; he moves his bed into the room, along with some other belongings.
M works mostly nights, until the early morning, then sleeps all day. So he is basically never in the apartment, or his presence isn’t very big. I thought he just worked loads, and therefore wasn’t home a lot. Turns out he hasn’t been home for months, and hasn’t paid rent for the last 2 months. Now no one can get in contact with him and he has just fallen off the face of the Earth.
Now; the people we rent from called me and were super mad, at me. They want me to get him to pay, which is fair enough, but I feel like the anger was uncalled for. Is it my fault for not reading/seeing the signs earlier?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
EIyTWsLSqcgloUm4g1kEmQAOFWHsEtuc
|
agknu6
|
{
"description": "hitting my girlfriend and breaking up with her because she said I raped someone",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA for hitting my girlfriend and breaking up with her because she said I raped someone?
|
I broke up with my girlfriend a couple years ago, but this has stuck with me ever since. She had Borderline Personality Disorder and was extremely resistant to treatment. I tried to help her as much as I could, but I felt like there wasn't a lot I could do when she refused to find a therapist or take medication. She helped me through a very dark time in my life and was the only one I could talk to when I was in a rocky relationship before we'd started dating. She could be very sweet and thoughtful, and she's the only person I've ever been in love with. I opened up to her about a past relationship where I think I was sexually abused (I'm still not sure). I was vague about it at first because I'd told some people before who didn't take it well. My girlfriend encouraged me to talk about it whenever I could and tried to help me reclaim my sexuality by acting out consensual rape fantasies and showing me rape scenes in movies, but I was a total bitch to her and kept telling her I didn't want to. Her demeanor changed when I finally opened up more and told her how old I was when that relationship started. I was eight and the other person was twelve. I asked if I could be his girlfriend, he said yes, and we did things like kiss and touch each other. I didn't know what sex was back then, but I liked it at first and still saw him all the time without telling my parents. Even when I thought I didn't like it anymore, I still touched him without him asking and never told him no. It went on until his family moved to another city a few years later. My girlfriend said since I started the relationship and he was still a child, I'd raped him. She said if I was being abused, I could have stopped it at any time, and I was the one who usually initiated sex anyway. I slapped her and left a bruise. She cried, and we only got worse from there. We stayed together for a few more weeks before I decided I was sick of her meltdowns and just left without trying to help her anymore. I basically ghosted her. I didn't know until this week, but she apparently tried to kill herself a few days after I left. I feel like I failed her as a partner and am trying to hide behind my own mental illness to excuse the abusive things I've done to other people. She needed my help and I just left her. I might have raped a child and acted like I was the victim. I feel like I need to go to the police. I'm so disgusted with myself.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 14
}
|
WRONG
|
pbUXJvPSANJ3p6lb1e2xaJTjsCLm7ei3
|
a7iet0
|
{
"description": "not wanting to help my friend as much in class",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to help my friend as much in class
|
In my school I am known to get high grades and because of this a lot of people I know will ask me for help if they don’t understand something.
I am fine helping people as long as it isn’t distracting from my work because I don’t like having work looming over me and want to get it done as fast as possible. There are certain people that ask for a lot of help like sometimes every 10 minutes it’s another question or some times it ends up being a walkthrough of the entire worksheet.
One of those people is in every single class I have this year. In some classes such as computer science I am fine with it because he just looks at my code and copies it down (we are working in groups so not a big deal with the teacher either) but it is in certain classes where he is actively talking to me asking for help, and it is usually help as in answers more or less not understanding it.
This really annoys me in a class like bio because I just want to get the work done not explain what a thermostat does and I started trying to be like why don’t you do this on your own chrome book it would probably be better for both of us( pretty much everyone else in the class was doing it independently so it was not group work) he said no to that so I ended up moving to sit somewhere else.
So AITA for telling him I don’t really want to work with him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
m7VtKICSIBAJtlonbqW0lSoPEPcvjZmL
|
avgmv4
|
{
"description": "not passing MY snacks immediately",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not passing MY snacks immediately?
|
Everyone in my family is against me right now on this so I can’t tell if ITA or not.
In this particular instance I had a bag of pretzels that was mine. As I opened it one on them goes to stick their hand in before it’s even fully open and I ask them to be patient. This makes them angry despite the fact that I didn’t say it in a condescending way or anything as I’m used to their short tempers, moody ness, and ganging up on me.
Then I hold the bag as I eat exactly TWO pretzels as they all are grabbing the air at me.
This entire process of opening and eating two of MY pretzel too a maximum of about 10 seconds.
One of these people was already in a mood so fuels the others by throwing the bag back at me after someone else snatched the bag away from me (after a gruelling few seconds) and gave it to him.
They are all shouting and saying that I have a superiority complex as I was “withholding the bag from them to feel superior/ powerful”.
I was just eating a pretzel and wouldn’t do that on purpose because I know what my family is like. I think they were just being impatient and were blaming it on me.
I always do this and have never had anyone say anything about it. I’ll always take a few chips or whatever from my own bag and then offer them to others once I’ve finished chewing the few I have as I think it’s more polite than doing so with my mouth full and o think it’s my right to have the first bit. And I don’t mean slowly taking one at a time and then eventually passing it around. I mean take a few second of my own time to eat a fraction of my own snack before sharing.
AITA or do you have any opinions on my families behaviour?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
EfNqIQyakG7tE9iX5vZtqUpvSAoyIsYg
|
azcvg0
|
{
"description": "asking my friend to pay the $250 cleaning fee for the car I rented",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my friend to pay the $250 cleaning fee for the car I rented?
|
I rented a car and me and some friends used it to go on a little ski trip. One of my friends is a big smoker and it's about a 2 hour drive so he asked me if he could smoke in the car. I said no man. He said common bro. I said alright fine. Fast forward to 2 days later when I return the car and the guy says he smells some smoke and has to charge me the $250 cleaning fee. I said I won't pay it but obviously he charged my card anyway. I tried to charge it back with my bank but unfortunately this is one of the rare cases they can't help me out.
So WIBTA if I asked my friend to pay the cleaning fee?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
krAyEXNKWtry4Ii4yq1eAmcT1qDT2bOP
|
b5iy1i
|
{
"description": "being mad that my artwork doesnt recieve more attention than my sisters anime fanart",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for being mad that my artwork doesnt recieve more attention than my sisters anime fanart?
|
First of all I wanna apologize for formatting, I'm a mobile user.
So, I'm an artist, and I've been pretty good for the past 3-4 years, (you can see it in my post history, I'm active in r/art)
Anyway, I'm upset because my sister makes simple edits and very amateurish fanart of BNHA characters, and recieves just as much if not more attention as my just about professional grade portraits. 14 year old girls gush over it and she got almost 500 likes on tiktok (she's 12) for an edit of a gravity falls character with All Might's face. I'll post some pictures of her art if y'all feel like you need it. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
zBWQqwlG22xHP8XOQYvyWnzpOYKCP0PE
|
aav772
|
{
"description": "having a girl send me nudes because I know she has a crush on me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for having a girl send me nudes because I know she has a crush on me.
|
Weird position for me to be in. We are coworkers (soon to be ex co-workers as she got a new job). She has had a crush on me for a while and I've told her I don't really feel the same a couple times. She's always sending me super risque snap chats at like 1-3am. She's not bad looking so I start feeling a little horny and we start flirting a bit. We've never had sex but I see it as strictly a friend's with benefits thing and I'm worried she will end up getting the wrong idea.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
w8EGVtoBAnZPmmaFS9oApiX4e4NjpUiy
|
a93gc8
|
{
"description": "basically ghosting one of my special needs friends",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For Basically ghosting one of my special needs friends?
|
Throwaway account because I do really feel bad about this, and I wanted to seek out help from someone about any advice they can give, or maybe I am right.
​
I, (17M) am friends with an 18yr Female, who is autistic, and ADHD. While she's older then me, she acts a lot like she's closer to 13 then 18, and her friend group is majorly middle schoolers. She's far behind in my school, and will need to spend another year in school. Me, I'm almost done, and I only have one more class I need, so I am away for a majority of my day. Pretty sweet too. Anyways, I met her when she and I were freshmen, and after awhile we got along great. Then...and something I now regret...We dated.
​
To me she was great. We'd sit on our emails throughout the day talking to each other about who-knows-what. Later we found we live near each other (She's about 1.5 miles from me, but there's a spot halfway from our houses we'd meet at.) Anyways, we'd talk for hours online. It was awesome to feel...taken. I felt like I had someone who was on my team. Then it took a turn for the worst.
​
I later started getting tired of talking to her. Our conversations were always superficial, about the weather, school, etc. I never felt like we really got to know each other. What's worse is she always wants to talk to me. Always. And it was always online. We almost never talked in person, but she still wanted me to visit the meet up spot constantly. If I didn't respond within a certain time frame she'd reach out to me on a different platform (We'd use hangouts, but if I didn't respond she'd ping me in texts.) On a game I brought her into that's online, she'd ping me publicly just saying "hi." She even started talking to my parents and my brother for some reasons.
​
I later told her my feelings. Relationship 101 right? Communicate? Well, I wanted to tell her that I felt like we weren't as in common as we thought, and that there may be someone better for her. We decided we were better friends then couples. It sounded great, though in hindsight it wasn't wise of me. She talks to her friends constantly about me, and how I don't respond often. Keep in mind, I am a gamer, and I would play upwards of around 3 hours max on something. Anyways, now the ghosting began.
​
I stopped liking the convos, and I felt that I can't sit there and every day have the same conversation day after day. They always revolved around how I was her hero, how I made her feel cared for, how her old school she was teased etc. I didn't like that, I even told her that too. Anyways, I muted her hangouts, so I'd only see it when I chose to look, but I still responded every now and again (Being about 1 or 2 hours). She started hitting me on texts, so I muted that too. Then she lost her phone at one point so she hit me up on her friends phone, now her friend talks to me about how I should talk to her. So I muted the friend. I told my friend that I didn't like how she was constantly talking about me, or how her friends started coming up to me during the school day telling me to talk to her. At this point, I feel that she almost worships me, and it's making me anxious. I don't know how to handle her. I tried treating her like I would anyone else, talking honestly and openly, but that didn't work. She almost ignores anything I say that isn't relevant to her mind. Everything for her is hard, she can't talk to me in person, she couldn't be any more then superficial in convos, her friends nag me often.
​
I almost feel stalked by her. Everything I do she remembers. I say something once, she remembers it a year or so later. I don't remember telling her my middle name, but she knew that. She started watching my activity in my augmented reality game and if I was at the meetup spot or near it she'd walk over to it. It's creepy, and when I brought it up to her, nothing.
​
I've gotten to the point where I don't want to deal with her, but I feel like I have to talk to her. She's still muted on my phone, and I'd ghost her for a week, day, or a few hours before responding, and most of my replies are "Nice, alright, cool, right" I feel horrible, because I have no idea what to do now, but I feel this is my only option...but it hurts badly. I do care for her, but I can't have her being this way to me. I get really anxious being around her, talking to her, or playing that game or being active in it's community anymore. I've practically abandoned anything that she's around in. I barely go to that park anymore fearing I'll run into her. Now I'm just hoping to move into college and from there she'll slowly get more distant before finding someone else who will care for her better then I have, but I'm even afraid to do that because I fear she'll follow me into my college.
​
Am I the Asshole? I am genuinely saddened by my decision, but I feel that is my only other option. I've talked to her multiple times but she just doesn't get the picture.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
pmpDBCXlGL4bmaWDu3FedPEJVxP94hQ8
|
a5o7bq
|
{
"description": "getting angry at my mom",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting angry at my mom?
|
I just started working at my first job about a month ago and wanted to take like 6 days off during winter break to see my dad for because I don't get to see him that often, only like once a month. My manager okayed it and didn't have a single problem with it so I then told my mom about it and she told me I couldn't go because of my job then I told her and she said it would look bad for me as an employee. I've literally took up like 3 days I wasn't supposed to work, worked 8 days straight, and volunteered to work Christmas Eve. My mom also hates my dad and has tried to brainwash me into thinking that he doesn't love me (which is absolutely not true). AITA for then getting angry at her for it? I'm 17 and still in high school btw
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
iBDYCvZGFIX7XoQRbVdKRCZPAIkzRIN8
|
a80w5p
|
{
"description": "complaining about a friend to a mutual",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for complaining about a friend to a mutual?
|
This happened awhile ago. I was in a trio of friends. Me and two other girls, let’s call them Catherine and Molly. Molly and I had a class together with Catherine, this caused me to see her true colors. She knew about my mental health issues and how i have schizophrenia and body dysmorphia. She would pick out my insecurities, and tell me how i was unattractive and too skinny and made me more self conscious than i was already. I told Catherine how I didn’t really want to be friends with Molly anymore but I didn’t tell her why. Catherine ended up telling Molly that I didn’t want to be friends and they called me fake for talking bad about Molly and being friends with her even tho i disliked her. They told everyone in our huge friend group and for almost all of high school I had no friends because I was exposed to talking bad. I feel extremely guilty but now looking back I don’t know if it was really my fault
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
RoqUZdPRNBBo5hevdrdUJFGXISLyFtd8
|
ah2dmm
|
{
"description": "rejecting people without giving anyone a chance",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for rejecting people without giving anyone a chance
|
I've never tried to or responded positively to an attemt to start anything more than a casual talk/relationship. Recently a female friend has called me antisocial for not giving what she considered "nice and genuinely interested women" (they probably were) a chance and showing no emotions towards them. Note: I'm not asexual, I just don't bother relationships because I don't see what good it would do for myself (I get why others do it). She gets mad everytime we talk about emotional topics like this one and then refuses to speak to me for a few days.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
VpFF97dnZlxkDtmNfxmHOPqAbhnfEpoC
|
aschbh
|
{
"description": "leaving my friend when she wouldn't do anything to help herself out of a mental health rut for several months",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving my friend when she wouldn’t do anything to help herself out of a mental health rut for several months?
|
So this girl and I (both 22F) had been best friends for 10 years (grade school to junior year of college). She had some mental health issues in high school, got on medication, and stabilized. However, this past year she spiraled again and was texting me several times a day about how she feels lost, how she wants a boyfriend, and doesn’t think anyone will love her. I would always text her back telling her that it’ll happen when it’s supposed to (she’s a big believer in fate). She would get on tinder, hook up with a guy, and then feel worse about herself when he was mean to her and didn’t want to date her.
This was okay, until it wasn’t. This went on for months and I (with my own mental health issues) was starting to get more anxiety from her to the point where I didn’t want to hang out with her or talk to her. I tried giving her all the regular advice- go talk to a therapist, talk to your doctor and get different meds, so on. I offered to go with her but she always refused, blaming it on insurance or not feeling like it or not wanting to tell her parents.
She had lots of options and opportunities to do something to help herself, but she didn’t do anything. She had a full time job and went to school, so she had options for counseling. She just kept wallowing and spiraling and hooking up to the detriment of her mental health and lack of self-esteem. Eventually, I had so much anxiety about her that I didn’t want to look at my phone when it buzzed because I was worried it was from her.
It all came to a boil when some of my high school friends and I were hanging out in a group and she started bragging about all the sex she was having (and then freaking out about and texting me that she was pregnant) to the rest of our friends, all of whom haven’t had sex yet and didn’t want to listen to her keep talking about it.
I texted her that night asking her to lay off the sex talk and she blew up at me, saying she was just bragging now (junior year of COLLEGE) because those girls made her feel uncomfortable in high school. This spiraled into more arguments because at this point, I was done with her. We fought and I gave her an ultimatum- do something to help yourself or I can’t keep doing this. She said I was blackmailing her and that these really were her problems and not mine (when she made them my problems for 9 months). She also wondered why I couldn’t just deal with this “one little bad side of her” when the rest of her was great. However, we never talked about anything other than her problems, and she never asked me about my life or anything.
We haven’t talked since, except for when she texted me a day late for my birthday. I don’t miss her and am happier without her right now, but I had a lot of guilt when it happened that I was abandoning her in her time of need. I just want to make sure I did the right thing, so AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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mgdk3am8GpvCQNK5cc3YaKQAUZai92Sk
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am6wxu
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{
"description": "not using my husband's native language more at home",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not using my husband's native language more at home?
|
AITA for not using my husband's native language more at home?
Throwaway account for anonymity.
**TLDR:** Husband claims I don't use his native language enough at home and that excuses the mean things he says in English.
**Background:** My husband is Italian, and I'm American. We met in college when he was an exchange student here and I was looking for a language partner to help me pass my Italian class. My grandparents were Italian and luckily I qualify for dual citizenship, so after graduating I moved to Italy to work and be with him. After 3 years we decided to get married and move to the US. This was about 8 years ago.
My Italian is conversational, but I'm not fluent. And of course having been out of the country so long, it's getting harder and harder for me to remember. I do try to keep up but it's different when you're not a student and not surrounded by the language every day.
My husband still struggles with his English, although his English is better than my Italian. He uses English at work, has a few Italian friends he sees once a week or so, and at home we speak a mix, but it's probably around 25% Italian, 75% English. Obviously with English being my native language I usually start with that when we talk, but I do try to start conversations in Italian if I'm confident enough in the subject matter. I also find that if we're speaking in Italian and my husband switches to English, I mirror him subconsciously and switch as well.
Often when we argue, I find that my husband uses language as a sort of "get out of jail free card." No matter what my complaint is, he just counters "you don't use Italian enough," as though that gives him an excuse for whatever he's done or said. He'll often demand I speak in Italian when we're int he middle of arguing too, which makes me mad because I can't accurately express myself in Italian and I feel like it's some weird power play for him to try to get the upper hand. He says when I use Italian it "softens" my tone and he can be more sympathetic instead of defensive.
Today we had an argument about something he often does. I don't think I was being overly rude, but I sighed frustratedly and said something along the lines of "you always do this" (and honestly, it was the kind of annoyance that if he had just playfully apologized I would have rolled my eyes and gotten over it quickly) and he countered back (in English) "F\*\*\* you." I do not tolerate being sworn to like that, to me that's a below the belt insult and I don't care what we're discussing, you don't say that to someone you love. He eventually apologized for swearing, but said if I had approached him in Italian he wouldn't have sworn - "I'm sorry for swearing, just Italian next time." I don't think that's a good excuse or even "agreement" for our argument because he shouldn't be resorting to swearing whether we're speaking in English or not! And it's not like I say "F you" to him when we fight and he's just repeating my use of the language back to me.
I want to make it clear that I in no way expect him to just speak English because we're in the US. I love the Italian language, and want our future kids to grow up bilingual (despite both my grandparents being Italian they never spoke it at home to my dad and he regrets not learning it from them). And I want our home to be a lingual safe haven for my husband after a day of using his second language, because I know what it's like to have to work in a foreign language, it can fry your brain. I just really dislike that he only brings it up if we're arguing and I'm mad about something he's done. He never asks me when we're just sitting around having a normal conversation, it's ONLY when we both know I have a point about something he's done and he feels he's backed into a corner that he busts out the "You don't use Italian, it's your fault!" card. Also, I only ask him to use English to clarify something he's said in Italian that I don't understand, I never demand he speak to me in English. Even in Italy I never asked that of him.
Also, I have stated to him that I would have no problem moving back to Italy if he finds he doesn't like living in the US any more, and he says he never wants to move back. So there isn't a problem with that either.
So, AITA for not using Italian more at home?
I'm on my lunch break at work, I won't be able to respond much to questions for a few hours but will try my best.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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fiWdSXFjDQ0Qlkkq4UQUZ6gVa6S81RVB
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al01mx
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{
"description": "telling my adopted \"brother\" that hes not part of our family, after he demanded a position in the family business",
"pronormative_score": 48,
"contranormative_score": 214
}
|
AITA For telling my adopted "brother" that hes not part of our family, after he demanded a position in the family business?
|
I run a medium sized chain of local gyms that I started with my father in 2002. Dad passed away four years ago. I have a younger blood brother and a younger blood sister who each have management like roles in my business. My brother in law is also involved.
I like keeping things in the family, i can trust them and though things have been hard we make it through together.
However, I also have another, unofficially adopted "brother" that is now 22 and wants to be involved in my business. I gave him a part time position as a receptionist, in addition to allowing him to advertise his failing personal trainer business at my gyms.
The story is my mother was very religious, and giving. She would cry over a fly getting swatted. She had a best friend who had drug problems, with a four year old who she couldnt support. The plan was that my family would foster him until she got back on her feet. She ditched him and left him with us and we've taken care of him ever since.
He was an unruly, rude little shit who I helped raise. I tried my best over the years to be an older brother / mentor to him like my mother asked but i cant. He refuses to learn and adapt, and he lacks my families desire to try to be successful.
Hes a recovering alcoholic with all the advantages of the world, he continues to fuck up things that are simple and straightforward. Ive bailed him out of jail for theft at least once, my sister has also bailed him once for DUI.
I dont see him as a sibling. I see him as an annoyance that cant get out of my life fast enough. He serves no use to me or the business.
He is not legally adopted but we introduce him as that to soothe his feelings. He uses my fathers last name in casual conversation and it makes me physically ill. Ive asked him to stop using it but he does so anyway.
Hes recently asked for the role of assistant manager, a position that has actual responsibility. I told him no. He pushed me by asking why he doesnt get the positions my real siblings have. I told him that a) Youre not qualified and b) Youre not my blood.
He flipped out and slammed our buildings glass door causing a crack. Told my sister and she thinks ive gone too far despite sharing my feelings in the past. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
NvVEVQlZmjlFJeh0wR2UpmJRratAqjIM
|
ath64g
|
{
"description": "limiting my brothers internet connection? tldr at bottom",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for limiting my brothers internet connection? TLDR AT BOTTOM.
|
Here’s the background. My brother came to stay with me after graduating college. He has been looking for a job where I live because the job market is greater. I told him he had 3 months to find a job and to get started early with applications before he moved here, so that he can be getting interviews when his feet hit the ground here. Instead he did nothing and didn’t start applying until a week after moving here.
He has an engineering degree, so he thought it would be easy to get a job, but he didn’t take me seriously about how it takes companies time to go through apps and resumes. This isn’t like applying at Walmart or McDonald’s and getting hired in a week. So he basically came here with no plan.
Fast forward 9 weeks and my internet usage is through the roof. Additionally my electric bill is over $100 higher. This is because he does nothing but go to the gym and then comes back and plays videos games and watches TV for the other 15 hours a day. No joke something is streaming or running nonstop in my house. I asked him to tone it down and he just responded with “what else am I going to do? You convinced me to move here and told me there were jobs but there aren’t. This is on you.” That’s not exactly how it went down, but ok, I guess it’s my fault he did nothing to prepare himself.
I have a background in IT and yesterday I decided I’d had enough when the second electric bill was over $150 pass my budget and I got an email about my internet use. See apparently he was torrenting stuff. The problem is, he doesn’t live in some small market municipality telecom area anymore. We have a corporate internet company that actually tracks that stuff and I received a warning on TWELVE incidents of possible copyright violations. All he had to do was vpn but he was too lazy for that. He has managed to gobble up 2 TB of data in 23 days. So i logged into my router and set a down time. Now internet traffic is only allowed when I am home.
His response was fury. I told him I couldn’t afford this stuff and if he gets himself a job and starts paying a portion of rent and the bills, I will absolutely remove it but until then I have to find a way to manage the expenses. When I got home he had decided to reset the router and set it back up so I wouldn’t have access to it. Today I took the router and modem to work with me.
I have been pretty close and good friends with my brother for years but this has nearly ruined our relationship when all I wanted was to get him out of small town and see that there is more than wheat fields and cows.
Should I take more responsibility in this situation?
TLDR: tried to get brother out of small town USA to further his horizons. He repaid with not being prepared, running my bills up and being ungrateful, so I took the internet away.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
GtUwGeE4HWiSX3ozvg43T9B6ZzluYQ0j
|
aqzq23
|
{
"description": "telling my aunt about my cousin's drinking problem",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA... For telling my aunt about my cousin's drinking problem.
|
A little bit of backstory: My younger cousin (19) is a frequent drinker and she even started drinking at a young age (15-16). Her parents sent her to rehab twice already and she's promised countless times that she's gonna quit but she still hasn't.
I constantly see her on social media, posting videos and photos of her drinking and, she even told me that she drinks a whole (medium-sized) bottle of rum or vodka in one sitting. I've tried to convince her to quit but, whenever I bring it up, she changes the topic or completely ignores me. Over the last few weeks, it's been getting worse; she drinks almost a whole bottle every day. So yesterday, I finally told her parents about it and showed them the photos.
Today, she calls me and starts yelling at me. She said she told me all those things in private and expected me to keep them a secret from her parents. I did make a promise to her that I won't tell anyone about it but it scared me that she's drinking so much. After the call, she blocked me on all social media and isn't answering anyone's call. She's locked herself in her room and refuses to leave.
I feel terrible. I just wanted her to get help for her alcoholism but I feel like I've done the opposite.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ywCTYsC8Q8ukIL51VXyTskjCFcuD3MiM
|
aec20b
|
{
"description": "getting mad about my housemate buying a pool for our courtyard without telling me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting mad about my housemate buying a pool for our courtyard without telling me
|
So it was a couple of months ago, I live with 2 housemates and were all really good friends.
We have a small courtyard that’s like in the middle of the house that only gets used by me because I’m a smoker.
One day housemates moved all the furniture in the courtyard to one side so they could evidently put something else there. I asked for info via text and she said it’s a surprise and she wasn’t gonna tell me.
I got mad bc I wasn’t involved in any discussion about getting any overly large item for the courtyard and when I found out it was a pool I got even madder bc the three of us are gonna have to pay the water bill for filling this thing.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
mSBTAbLdMZnbNFhbRjMJJJakvOtyjvDA
|
a3a4ve
|
{
"description": "ordering an ultrasound for a trans teenager",
"pronormative_score": 59,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for ordering an ultrasound for a trans teenager?
|
Happened about 2 months ago, but still bothers me how everything turned out:
I'm an ER doctor who works occasionally at a pediatric ER locally. I had a shift where I had a teenage kid come in, he was apparently in the early stages of testosterone treatment in order to reassign male. However, anatomically he continued to have a uterus and ovaries.
His initial presentation was concerning for ovarian torsion, and his BMI was not really going to allow us to do a transabdominal (through the skin and abdominal wall of the pelvic region) ultrasound which would allow us to see the signs we are looking for to ensure the ovary is not compromised (ovarian torsion is technically a surgical emergency, so accurate diagnosis is kinda super important).
We explained that we needed to do a transvaginal (just like it sounds, it's an ultrasound where the ultrasound probe is seated in the vagina against the cervix to visualize the uterus and ovaries clearly) ultrasound. This is really the safest way to assess the ovary and see if emergency surgery is necessary. I explained the procedure in common terms and how it would be performed. Kid looked scared but understood. Mom looked upset.
I step out and see some more patients. Next thing I know, a nurse comes to my desk and says the mom of the kid with the OT is flipping out and upset. I'm confused, so I get back in the room and ask what's going on.
Mom is fuming, saying the ultrasound we're ordering is inappropriate and insensitive to her son. I explain to her that we're only ordering what is gold-standard for this diagnostic entity, and that we will do whatever possible to reduce discomfort. She asks why we can't do a CT, and I explain that not only is that quite a lot of radiation, the CT is not well designed to see this issue, so we would be causing more harm than good.
She ultimately says we are being insensitive and completely ignorant, that our choice of diagnostic testing is going to cause emotional turmoil for her child, that we're using medical testing as an excuse to cause her child sexual dysphoria, and she states that she is leaving with her son before she does something she'll regret. She states that one more word about this and she's going to let us have it.
She stomps out of the room with her teenager in tow and leaves.
Kid? No idea if he needed surgery. Our nurses were confused and were sorta directly threatened by the mother.
So, AITA? I don't feel like I was being insensitive, but I have no clue.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
PXm046AcHm0JRmLJIVAT36VmT6UTTgrL
|
ampdac
|
{
"description": "blowing someone off because I was late and then refusing to Apologize for it",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For Blowing Someone Off Because I Was Late And Then Refusing To Apologize For It
|
I commute to and from work on public transit. One day an older guy (in his 60s), I'll call him Gus, asked me for change for a pass. I didn't have change so I bought him a pass with my debit card. After that we chatted until I had to get off of the train. To my surprise the next time I saw Gus he gave me a beautifully handwritten thank you note for buying him that pass. We chatted until we had to part ways again. After that I'd run into Gus quite a bit on my way to or from work and we would always chat about stuff whenever we saw each other.
After knowing Gus for a little over a year and having a lot of conversations with him he saw me one night on my way to work and flagged me down. I was walking to work when he saw me. We were not on the train. I stopped said hi and explained that I was late for work and I need to get there immediately, but Gus wasn't allowing me to leave that easily. He started asking me about my day and was trying to tell me about a drawing he's trying to sell (Gus lives on a fixed income has a gambling addiction and sells nicely handwritten notes and drawings to get by) I told him again that I'm late for work, I don't have time to chat and I need to get there ASAP and that if he wants he could meet me at the train station in the morning and shut down the conversation before he could really get one going.
Last night on my way to work I bumped into Gus for the first time since that happened. Gus did not hesitate to tell me that I hurt his feelings. Gus told me he felt like I should have at least asked him how he was doing and took the time to look at his work. I feel bad about hurting his feelings, but I did not apologize for blowing him off that night because I would do it again and I don't think it is wrong to prioritize work over chatting with anyone. A rule of mine is to not apologize just because someone's feelings are hurt. Needless to say me and Gus are no longer on talking terms.
Tl;dr: Running late for work when an acquaintance tried to stop me to chit chat. I blew them off. The next time I saw them they expected an apology and I refused to give them one because I don't think I was wrong and I'd do it again.
Was I the asshole in both situations, just one or in none of them?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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n2MG8GSavzJY9v7bOEUXhBXoAyGyEQm5
|
aes8hr
| null |
AITA for my actions in this friendship and to the end of it?
|
This may get kind of long, but here it goes.
I met this woman about 10 years ago and we became friends and whatnot. We both went down separate paths but then came back around a few years ago and began getting close again. We had our ups and downs before and continued to have them when we recently met up again.
We worked together but not at the same location. I would come to visit for various reasons and she and I would hang out at those times. We weren't too far from each other so we would regularly meet up for lunch and also hang out after work.
She meets this guy at work and she first starts complaining about him and how he's harassing her, trying to get at her and is persistent even though she supposedly doesn't feel the same way.
Eventually they end up dating one another but constantly have problems where they break up every so often. I knew the guy and he and I had talked, never had a problem with one another and he never seemed to have a problem with her and I hanging out, probably knowing I wasn't a threat and knowing that I was madly obsessed with another woman that wasn't his girlfriend. However, my friend, the woman, did have a problem with us (she and I) hanging out. She said she felt like it was inappropriate for us to hang out and talk and whatnot.
At first, she said it was because he and I didn't know each other very well and she felt like it could give the impression to him and other people that she's cheating on him with me. So I ended up hanging out with him and talking to him more and the three of us began hanging out and going places. Then it became a thing where she said she didn't want any male friends while she was dating someone.
I was pretty upset about this. I was there for her for a lot of stuff like when she called me talking about wanting to commit suicide and I was there late at night when she and he had fought with each other and had broken up...multiple times...I felt really upset that I was being put to the side because of what's between my legs. She knew full well that I was obsessed with another woman. I never tried anything with her. She and I did like each other many years before all this, but nothing ever came of it and we hadn't talked about it since then. The way she talked about this felt kind of sexist as well, like me being a man, I can't possibly keep it in my pants and I'd try something with her. Either that or as a man I'm too weak to hold her back and I'd let her basically rape me one day. Either way I put it just made me feel very offended with the way she was handling this.
I'd be lying if I said she wasn't there for me as well, because she was and I really did appreciate that about her. That was part of the reason why I was so upset. I really relied on her friendship for a lot of reasons and really valued her as a person. I felt she had her faults but that she had a great, positive influence on me.
Even though I disagreed, I told her that I felt her decision to limit time with me (hanging out, talking over the phone/texting) was stupid (I did use that word) but I would respect her wish, no matter how I felt about it.
We limited our time with one another, only hanging out and talking seldom. Most we'd say was a greeting and "how are you?" and then keep moving with our day.
But then she'd break up with her boyfriend numerous times during this time and who would she turn to for a shoulder to cry on? Me.
To me, it felt like I was a light switch. When life gets dark, I'll just flip on that convenient BestCaptain switch and let him brighten my life! And then I'll shut him off when everything goes back to being peachy.
I grew tired of this. I felt like either be hot or cold, but quit being one or the other *when* **you** *feel like it*.
Eventually, it just grew on me and I stopped talking to her altogether. I stopped hanging out with her. I was civil, especially since we worked together, but I wasn't being the overly friendly person I used to be. I still would say hi or good morning if I saw her, but that was it. Until one day when she saw me and gave me this weird look and then just ignored my "good morning", which she usually didn't do. From there on out, I stopped all the talking with her. Any interaction we had was strictly for work purposes. She seemed to want me to come around and I think she'd make up jobs for me to do to come around and then she'd try to get me to talk, but I maintained this bland demeanor of answering questions with a period to end the conversation where it was. I stopped going out of my way to see her like I had been doing, I stopped saying hi to her if I did see her unless she was with other people, and I only replied to texts/phone calls if it was work related and during work hours (she never did text/call after work, as far as I remember, but I would have ignored if she did).
She ended up getting a job somewhere else as did her boyfriend and I never heard from either since then, which was about 3 months ago. I still think about her and honestly wish her the best, but I often wonder if I was the asshole here with the end of it all. Or maybe an asshole sometime before this.
What do you think?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
RchemwrfnWNa2WN28uJwf8jyi62THO63
|
a3sh7k
|
{
"description": "asking a guy - who walked in front of my car at the drive up ATM - to use the ATM inside the bank instead",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for asking a guy - who walked in front of my car at the drive up ATM - to use the ATM inside the bank instead?
|
This happened last year. I was in my car, in line at a drive up ATM. As the car ahead of me was about to pull away from the ATM, this old man walked out in front of my car toward the *drive up* ATM and proceeded like he was about to use the ATM. I gave a short honk on the horn and said “Excuse me, can you please use the ATM inside the bank? I was waiting for this one.” And then the guy tells me that he’ll only be a minute and turns to the ATM. So I got on the horn a little more to get his attention again and told him that he was cutting in line and asked him again, a little more curtly, to use the inside ATM. He still refused so then I laid into the horn until he walked out of my way. But then he started yelling at me, telling me I should “Respect my elders” and spewing something about how he was an army veteran or something. I have all the respect in the world for the elderly and veterans, but this particular bank, at the time of day we are talking about, has no fewer than 3 other ATMs inside for people to use, so I just don’t think there’s an legit excuse for cutting in line at the drive up ATM. Thoughts?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
uiDjyDAWYMImadh4ibIN3VMeMBNcl61T
|
9tuk0e
|
{
"description": "totaling my boyfriend's car and not wanting to buy a new one",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for totaling my boyfriend’s car and not wanting to buy a new one?
|
Sorry, a little long and on mobile.
I was driving back to our home in my boyfriend’s car, after dropping him off and hit an object. The police were involved and deemed I was not at fault.
Luckily, This is what insurance is for and he has a deductible. Unfortunately, the insurance company totaled the car because the cost to fix was higher than the car was worth.
The car is 10 years old and doesn’t have a ton of mileage but was starting to not look aesthetically pleasing. I feel extremely upset and want to do everything in my power to make this better including all costs associated.
He was able to get about $7000 worth including my throw in the deductible. This is great because we could outright buy a used car that is in perfectly fine shape, at the dealership of his choice. His family has also offered to replace said used car with another vehicle they plan on selling soon, which is KBB (I know not as reliable anymore) valued at $11,000, for free. Before he was all for the plan. Now, he wants a brand new car that’s the same model because he doesn’t want to deal with anyone else having previously owned the car.
A new car would be about $24,000. I have a credit score of 650 and I’m young, so interest rates for payments are going to be astronomical. I 100% cannot afford this on top of my car payment and all other life expenses, but I really want to make this better. Am I the asshole for not wanting him to get a new car?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
LwmRa0CImlw5PcmRRdLaEqMkOcMPS3Fx
|
9w6rgi
|
{
"description": "taking out the trash when I was asked to while I had other things to do",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for taking out the trash when I was asked to while I had other things to do?
|
I work as a dishwasher for a club on Fridays, and the day is pretty lax until they stop serving and everything from the kitchen is coming back. Whole bunch of stuff gets backed up every week.
During this time, the waitresses need to bring some of the dishes to the basement because they're only used on Fridays and won't be up til next Friday. This means that out of the giant pile of pots, pans, bowls and dishes, I've got to get certain ones done first while the waitresses badger me for them.
One Friday I'm working shorthanded (normally 2 dishwashers and a dryer, was 1 dishwasher 1 dryer) and closing time gets here. The dishes are more backed up than usual because the other guy isn't there to help me move along.
I would think that gives me some leeway for not getting all the dishes done in a heartbeat. Rather the waitresses seem twice as pushy about getting them done. Whatever, I said, I'm working alone and they're just gonna have to wait. Well, one of the people who likes to yell at everyone else (im not sure her position, but i don't think it's my boss) comes by and says that the trash needs to be taken to the dumpster.
My friend who was gone always told me never to say no to people at work, so I go and take the trash out, no big deal. When I come back, the dryer tells me that the waitresses were *very* upset that I took out the trash instead of rushing along with the dishes, even though they were right there when I was asked to. They didn't tell me they were upset, the dryer did.
The club stops serving at 7:30 and with my friend there the dishes that go down are usually done before 8. This took place at 7:45ish, I think. The waitresses have a record for doing the badgering thing according to every dishwasher who ever worked there.
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HISTORICAL
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b3dza8
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{
"description": "wanting to move",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
Aita for wanting to move?
|
My gf and I have been together going on 6 years after some financial hardships I delt with I was kinda forced to move in with her parents even though she doesn't live at home anymore and after my car broke down completely her parents offered to buy me a new car (which I stupidly accepted) so now in total I owe her parents over $8000 and it just seems like every opportunity I get to move out or go somewhere else she seems to be against it in one way or another I can't keep living here with how much they fight and most days I'm gone from the house by choice for 13+ hrs just to avoid them anyways but I love her I just can't live here any longer even though the alternative is to move out to the country with my mentally unstable mother
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HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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T2qEJXGgCXalgnPwXR5Igdu6znXtckU2
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b37ffa
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{
"description": "aggressively touching my ex girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for aggressively touching my ex girlfriend?
|
So this happened last night and my ex is going around telling everyone I hurt her and I’m fuming, but I will try to be as objective as possible.
A few months ago I ended things because I had just slowly realized I was not in love with her. She took it really hard and since the break up she has belittled me, said terrible things, trash talked me to other people, etc. I’ve mostly taken it because I know the breakup was much harder for her and I was just waiting for her pain/anger to subside. We are both in a really tight knit friend group of a few guys and girls (18-19yo) that hangout a lot. She has said many times she cannot be around me and she cannot be friends with me it’s just too hard. It’s obvious she’s having trouble, and I see that. However, whenever our friends hangout she is now extremely toxic towards me making passive aggressive comments and actively dampening the mood consistently.
Now for the incident. We were all hanging out and drinking at our friends place, and my ex makes multiple passive aggressive comments towards me, one relating to our past sex life, and two just regular passive aggressiveness. At those point I’m completely fed up and I’m just trying to have fun but there’s just such a toxic vibe with her. Finally she makes one more comment and I break deciding to say something back along the lines of “this is really embarrassing for you right now to act like this in front of everyone, I know it’s because you have low self-esteem but come on”. Then she gets up from the couch we are sitting on, she walks over to me and starts shaking me by the shoulders saying “go fuck yourself” and “you have no right to say things like that about me”. I then take her shoulders too and move her away from me, only leaning forward from my seat, not getting up. Then she starts bawling saying I grabbed her really hard and there were red marks(there weren’t) and she’s scared of me and she needs to leave because I’m going to hurt her. So then the whole night is ruined because she’s crying and really upset, which is not all that uncommon for her to start crying and moping while we hang out. Now, as I said, she’s telling people that I hurt her when all I did was remove her from my personal vicinity, probably squeezing her shoulders pretty hard but not pushing or doing anything violent in my mind.
Now most of my friends are on my side but others and her friends think that I was really aggressive and went too far. I just want to hear an outside opinion, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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tpUyhpNCQgkUAXHzpTOyUHvdGYmm4RpK
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aob0aa
|
{
"description": "dating my ex's friend among other things",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for dating my ex's friend among other things?
|
Necessary background:
I am a 17 yo guy, my ex is a 17 yo girl. We were each others' first love, dated for 11 months, broke up April 2018. We were on and off friends because I felt weird being her friend (still had feelings for her) until December 2018. She told me she regretted dumping me, and i still had feelings for her, so we went on a date. After the movie she said she wanted to be official again, so we were. A few days later, she came over to my house and we hung out. the day after, she tells me she made a mistake and we shouldn't be dating.
This really upset me, because I had been grieving about our breakup for months, and the one time I justifiably have hope, it gets shot down because she made a hasty decision.
She told me after this that it is probably best if I don't talk to her again. Luckily, that is exactly what I wanted.
At the end of december, a girl who is acquaintances/ friends with my ex messaged me confessing that she thought I was physically attractive. Mid way through december I started recognizing that she was attractive as well. We went on a date on new years to get to know each other. after a few more dates we were really comfortable with each other, and things have progressed smoothly since. around mid-january, one of my closest friends tells me he's developing feelings for my ex. He wanted to make sure it wouldn't hurt me if something were to happen. i commended him for his transparency and said it was perfectly fine, although I would be careful and take things slowly considering what happened between her and I in early december.
A few days later, my ex tells me we need to talk. she calls me and we talk for roughly 40 mins about how she wants me to be friends/ on good terms with her. I tell her that's not going to happen after what she did. Being involved with her since the first breakup has done nothing but bring drama into my life. she keeps pushing and eventually asks why I don't want to be friends with her (since me telling her that having her out of my life makes things much easier wasn't enough), and I tell her I don't care about her anymore.
5 minutes of awkward silence, and we say goodbye.
Since then, every time I'm near her with my current gf, she makes rude gestures. I was walking with my gf in school and she covered her face from me. Yesterday when I was driving to my house with my gf (when she was walking with my close friend) she rolled her eyes at us.
The reason I find this so confusing is for 3 reasons. 1. She dumped ME. Twice. Now she's salty that I'm dating someone she associates with. 2. She literally tried to set me up with one of her other friends in the fall. Didn't progress because I wasn't feeling anything toward her. 3. She always told me, even after the second breakup "I just want you to be happy". Her actions show me she doesn't give a single shit about my happiness. 4. She's dating one of my closest friends.
​
All that being said, am I in the wrong for telling my ex I don't care about her anymore, and dating someone who's associated with her?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b5bnpn
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{
"description": "telling my friend I care more about my future than her 'petty drama'",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my friend I care more about my future than her 'petty drama'
|
Currently, I'm in grade 11 and (in my country) Summer season has rolled around, the school year is ending, and for many in my grade that means its time to enroll in summer school/start studying for College Entrance Tests. Many summer schools and review centers offer group discounts, where if you enroll in a group you get a certain number off the tuition price. The good review centers are pretty pricey, but this certain center I found (that has good rep) offered a FAT discount if you enrolled in a group of 3. Quickly I rounded up 2 of my good friends (let's call em A and B for convenience) and they were both willing, until I told friend A that friend B was the third group member.
Unbeknownst to me, friend A and B had gotten into a fight because, from what I gather from both of them, A feels like B isn't interested in what she has to say, but I have hung out with A and B together this entire year and B just acts like how she always has? So I don't understand the problem. I still wanted to push through with the group enrollment because it was a very big discount for high quality tutoring, and if they wanted to they could go to separate branches, or if A was insistent me and B would just find another third and she'd do her own thing. A was pretty stubborn though and wanted to still be in the group with me, just without B. I couldn't do that b/c B is still my friend at the end of the day, especially since B had no problem + could care less about A despite their fight.
I told A plain and simple, 'I don't care about what petty drama you have with B, this is about my future and yours too. Either you settle it, or we'll just find someone else.' I sent this to her on Messenger, she saw the message but still has yet to reply. Just felt frustrated b/c for me I prioritise studies always over anything else (here we have a saying *Acads bago lakads/studies before outings*) especially since I'll be preparing for college this same time next year. I feel bad b/c maybe I was too harsh, or maybe I should've asked for more details about the situation. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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67yruLxzY32zzQotFgWP2rxJI9UvNnAv
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b81u6d
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{
"description": "not wanting to go to my 96 year old neighbor's funeral",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go to my 96 year old neighbor's funeral?
|
A couple of days ago my 96 year old upstairs neighbor passed away. His heart suddenly stopped and he collapsed.
His carer called me because she knew I was the only one there who was CPR certified (even though I had never performed it on a human being).
I did CPR, even tho I knew it wouldn't work because he was so old and quite a few minutes had passed between the moment his heart stopped and when I got there and started with the chest compressions, so his chances of surviving were extremely low. However, his relatives did not think about opting for a "do not resuscitate order".
After a few minutes of doing CPR, the ambulance came and the paramedics took over.
As expected, he was soon declared dead.
The funeral is in an hour and my mom just assumed I was going to go.
This morning I told her that I wasn't planning on going because I don't really like funerals in general, and I also know it's going to be super crowded because everyone knew him (there's going to be a choir and everything).
I also don't like the idea of seeing the casket.
It just brings me back to me cracking his ribs, knowing that he was dead but not being able to stop because unless a doctor declares a person dead, you have to keep going (at least in my country) and I don't really feel like it.
My mom told me that I was a bitch for not going and that it was disrespectful.
Now, I understand why she would say that but if I don't feel like going, why do I have to be forced to go? I'd put aside my hate for funerals if it was about a close relative or a friend, but even tho I have known this neighbor for many years, I wasn't personally that close to him.
Sorry for the long post.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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1HtUR6YYtXORw78AdjqOFUJMcHVKhqob
|
arh4u8
|
{
"description": "not responding to my best friends messages for about two weeks",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not responding to my best friends messages for about two weeks
|
Hey there everyone, I'm a first time poster and I only made this account today. I love reddit and have been lurking fr a while lol.
This is something that has been eating away at me for a while. I really want to know if I am actually the asshole because this altercation ended my friendship and if I'm truly in the wrong want to make amends if I can. This is going to be a relatively long story because I feel that the context of the situation and our relationship as best friends needs to be explained.
So this all went down last year whilst i was 17 (ill be 18 in two weeks). I was in my second last year of High School and I decided to leave early because I was going to do this early entry program for uni. long story short, I had to do two subjects online and if I got a credit average I would be enrolled as an internal student. Essentially I wouldn't have to suffer through the end of High School exams and I would start uni a year early, if I was successful.
My best friend at the time was 19 (twenty later in the year) and we had been friends in High School. At the start of the year she had some really bad family issues so she ended up moving in with me and my family rent free. She was struggling badly with depression and anxiety and throughout her sixth month stay with us, I took care of her. I myself have struggled with a similar situation so I really understand how mental illness can take a toll on every aspect of someones life.
I don't want to sound like an asshole but it was really really difficult to look after her. I was working part time and preparing for uni so I didn't have a lot of free time and the time I had, I devoted to making sure she was ok. I went grocery shopping for her, took her to doctors appointments and cleaned up after her. I didn't mind doing it at all because I thought that when I was in a time of need she would do the same.
Fast forward to August and my bestie is leaving on a trip overseas for five months. She ends up reconciling with her family a couple of weeks before she goes and moves back in with them. I was really happy for her and saw her off when she left the country.
A couple of months later I'm in the full swing of my uni work and its really enjoyable but it is challenging at times. Near the end of the semester I have my two major assignments due within a week of each other. Ooft. I was really stressing so I decided to go on a social media black out to help me focus and also relieve some stress.
Throughout the couple of months that my best friend was overseas, she would constantly message and called me at really inappropriate times. I'm talking like 3 am. I'm generally asleep or trying to sleep at that time lol. I didn't mind too much when the uni work wasn't as full on but when it got to the critical point I had to just delete everything off my phone.
So I'm off social media for a little while (no longer than three weeks max) and I feel really guilty for not talking to my friends. Please be mindful I wasn't "ignoring" my best friend alone. I didn't speak to anyone outside my immediate family and one friend who was helping me with some work because she had done the subject the previous year. Once one of my assignments is out of the way I decide to reinstall Snapchat and Facebook messenger to contact all my mates and let them know that I wasn't dead just stressed as hell.
I open my Snapchat and I see one of the most disgusting abusive messages I have ever received. It was from my best friend. It was a decent sized paragraph just full on abusing me for not responding to her, calling me selfish, a bitch, a bad friend ect. She had never spoken to me with such disgusting words in the entirety of our friendship and was so shocked.
I took a screenshot and decided I should confront her about it.
The next day after I had slept on what I decided to say, I sent her a message on Facebook just saying that I was really disgusted with her choice of words and appalled that she would even think to speak to me that way. We then get into a massive fight about me not responding to her and I did apologise to her by saying that it wasn't my intention to make her upset, I was just putting my studies and mental well being first. I was called a selfish asshole in response.
I didn't intentionally not message her to spite her or anything like that. I cannot stress this enough, if I didn't get the marks that I needed, it would be significantly harder to go to uni, so a lot was riding on my doing well and she knew this very well. I genuinely feel bad that I made her so upset over this but in my mind I thought she would just be overseas and enjoying her holiday and wouldn't focus too much on me. Keep in mind that we did talk quite a bit and she knew how much stress I was under and how much pressure I was putting on myself to do well.
I have kept this story as close to the truth as possible. I can't remember word for word everything we said to each other during the fight but I did try to keep it as civil as possible. I asked her if we could just park this conversation because it was starting to get nasty and I needed to study. She sent me about fifteen more long winded abusive paragraphs, which I just read and didn't respond to.
I went back to my uni work and didn't revisit her messages until after I had finished uni. Despite that hiccup I did really well (distinction and a pass) and I'll be attending uni as an internal student this year!
After I get my marks and everything is ok, I go to revisit those messages. I come to find that shes blocked me on every social media I have. When she gets home, I find out through a mutual friend that shes been telling all these mutual friends she doesn't understand why I've stopped talking to her and shes just waiting for me to message her.
I just feel really betrayed. She was my best friend and I just cant believe our friendship ended over a disagreement like this. I put my heart and soul into that friendship because when people are going through shit, as a friend I believe you need to step up to the plate and help them out. There is nothing in the world that I wouldn't do to help the people I love.
I'm so cut up about this and I really need to know if I was being the asshole because I don't want to throw this friendship away over this fight, but I don't want to apologise if I'm not in the wrong. Was she justified in her actions? Was I in mine? I really need some outside opinions from people who aren't in my circle, because I don't want my friends to just blindly agree with me because of our relationship.
Thanks in advance,
SwedishFish18818
​
​
​
​
​
​
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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mwGipb5WZY5atgLHgKXkpFo91GvQlidO
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b93t33
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{
"description": "telling the older brother(OB) of two younger kids (K1-6yrs old, K2-3yrs old) to make sure his brothers are not running into the street",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA when I told the older brother(OB) of two younger kids (K1-6yrs old, K2-3yrs old) to make sure his brothers are not running into the street?
|
Background:
I am 17 and do not have my license yet because of personal obstacles, so I ride my school's bus. I go to a private school and the bus driver drops us off at churches in our neighborhood. I live really close to my church (1 minute drive) so my driver drops me off at my house. Its in a neighborhood filled with nuclear families.
Now to the AITA:
Now my house is across the street from this family with 5 kids. Recently K1 has been outside and waving at me when I get dropped off. He likes automobiles so its pretty normal right. Well... when the bus moves, the kid moves. He started racing the bus and waving at it which is okay I guess, but he started another thing. He runs to the edge of the street/his driveway. My driver honks at him and it always scares me to death.
Literally like 10 minutes ago, he did this and I yelled over for him to stay on the sidewalk. I entered my house and out of worry I looked out of my window. K1 and K2 were playing, but K1 was being really mean and hitting the other. I got nervous, but then the OB came out and separated them. I was relieved, but then the kids went INTO THE STREET. My motherly instincts came out and I panicked because the OB didn't know. K2 was in the middle of the street while K1 was down a whole other street way. OB finally saw what happened and got them into the driveway. I walked out and I waved him over. He looked maybe 13 or 14 and he looked odded out.
Me: Hey K1 was almost out on the street when my bus was driving away and i just want to make sure he is okay. Could you make sure he doesn't go in the street.
OB: ok
He then looks at me weird and walks into his driveway with his brothers.
I feel weird cause idk if the father might go to my house and yell at me or something. I think I did the right thing, but I'm not sure OB thinks so.
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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tpopkGcVF4ciNFPGSTebqEp7jJ5t03fX
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a8qrcb
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriend to stop talking and ignore his female friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for telling my boyfriend to stop talking and ignore his female friend?
|
My boyfriend has this friend (that we’ll call C) who is actually his cousin due to marriage. (His uncle married her mom.) My boyfriend and C met before that and have known each other for 4 years now. I guess he doesn’t even consider her a friend because he openly admits that she’s not the best person, but she considers him her best friend.
Fast forward where she is always asking him to hangout and sends him drunk “I miss you” texts and tells him “I love you” all of the time. I feel like she’s crossing the line.
Just tonight, C asked him if he wanted to go for a drive as hangout because she was “bored out of her mind” and he declined. He replied saying, “I don’t have any gas money, but ask u/shxrpie. I’m sure she wants to get out of the house anyway.” She simply said, “I could.”
Him and I both wait for C to message me for about 20 minutes until I decide to message her saying, “I heard I was offered up to hangout with you. Let me know, and I’ll come pick you up.” Nothing. It’s been an hour and she hasn’t replied.
This isn’t the first time this has happened. She has declined me numerous times, saying she was busy everyday, but proceeds to ask him to go out the next day. He declines every time. I figured I’d try to befriend her because she hangs around my boyfriend, and I need more friends anyway.
Basically, AITA for asking my boyfriend to ignore her like she does to me?
There has been a few other times as well where she has treated me like garbage. I don’t ever want to be labeled as the bitchy girlfriend, but she has definitely pushed my boundaries more than once. He doesn’t have many people to talk to, so he keeps her around because he’s able to talk about movies and TV shows with her since I don’t really watch anything. I don’t want to be controlling, and I don’t want it to seem like I’m being controlling. I just really don’t like how she treats me compared to him.
TL;DR: Boyfriend has a friend/cousin who chooses to ignore me, so I asked my boyfriend to ignore her back. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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RVK94eFMvrxe6Z5xWpcUDY6EpqxxoU0Y
|
ap0r12
|
{
"description": "avoiding my substance addicted friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for avoiding my substance addicted friend?
|
I'm friends with this girl from high school. She's a high school senior (18 y/o), I'm a freshman in college. I have a genetic, terminal lung disease, so seeing people Juul/smoke frequently is frustrating to me because I feel like they're "taking their lungs for granted". (I also understand that addiction is an uncontrollable disease and I make a lot of effort to be sympathetic - but I want to acknowledge my inherent biases and say that I have an unpleasant knee-jerk reaction to smokers/vapers because of my own genetic lung problems.)
After I left for college, a friend of mine got addicted to Juuling, drinking, weed; all sorts of substances. We were in a group chat with 7 other people, and after I graduated, the chat stopped being active. The only thing sent to it were what we named "party updates": videos of her being blackout drunk, smoking weed, vaping, etc. She also sent stories about how she blacked out (from alcohol) in the bathtub, wandered around drunk and alone outdoors in the middle of the night, etc. This would go on for hours every Friday and Saturday night.
I care a lot about this friend. We used to be really close, so seeing that twice a week was always really hard to watch. It was stressful and emotionally draining to me. These messages started in September so it's been happening for 5 months.
I confronted her about it a few times: the first time really gently: "Hey, I'm worried about you and your health", and then again: "Listen, I'm really worried about you and I think you need to get help." Other friends in the chat even brought it up, but whenever someone mentioned it she got defensive, mean, and borderline verbally abusive. At the beginning she was responsive and said that she knew it was a problem, but didn't want to stop for \_\_ weeks/months. If someone limited their interactions with her because they couldn't stand seeing her like that, she would talk shit about them behind their backs and vague-post about them.
Tonight she posted another video of her vaping and being blackout drunk in the chat, so I left. Another friend that's also frustrated talked to me about it beforehand, so he left the chat right after me. Half the people in the chat agree with me and are considering leaving themselves, and the other half are telling me that I'm abandoning her and it'll push her to make even worse decisions. I'm not sure whether or not I'll keep talking to her outside of the group chat; I probably will though, because she's never sent me videos/chats of her abusing substances outside of the chat.
I just didn't want to enable her anymore, and it was too upsetting to me to deal with after 5 months of this. But now I'm wondering if I'm in the wrong because a lot of my friends are angry with me for "abandoning" her. So, Reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
VjJxAjIKBqzeyh03CF19nl0Q4e7XOJau
|
axlpui
|
{
"description": "getting angry at someone for being a feminist",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for getting angry at someone for being a feminist
|
So a few months ago in school, we were having a study period class. I was sitting next to my friends (we are all boys) and the girls sat next to their friends (also girls). We all started talking to eachother.
Few minutes later, a supervisor came into the classroom, saw us sitting together and decided to separate us, but not the girls, for talking too much. Mind you, we weren't talking a lot at all, nor were we loud.
Me and a few other people got upset and started questioning why we got moved and not the girls. They were as talkative and as loud as we were. The supervisor started shushing us and left the room for a while. In that time period, the boys started arguing with the girls about how unfair this situation was.
The girls told us that they weren't as loud as we were and told us to just deal with it. This is when I started to get REALLY mad and told one of the girls, who happened to be a feminist, the following:
"You're a FEMINIST, I thought you were supposed to fight for equality?"
A few boys agreed with me and the room went silent for a few seconds. The girl then stood up moved somewhere else. It was at this point when I felt like a total jerk.
Now, we are in good terms and she is one of my friends. She has probably forgot about this but it still haunts me to this day. So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 12,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
WRONG
|
WWFx9k3I1IUYGYMvtk4qXmMZ3h6c2vFS
|
a0n1mf
|
{
"description": "feeling like my friends owe me their presence when I buy them dinner",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for feeling like my friends owe me their presence when I buy them dinner?
|
Last night, I got back to my dorm from thanksgiving break and texted my roommate and another friend asking if they wanted to get pizza. One said she would only want any if I was paying, and I agreed because I was already planning on ordering and really wanted to hang out with them. I let her order it on my card because I needed a shower after traveling and didn’t want to wait to do so until the pizza was ordered. (It was snowing pretty hard so I didn’t want to go out for food, plus I was hoping we could all sit in our dorm and eat while watching the snow and talking.) When it got delivered, I found out that she got it half pepperoni and didn’t think to use our school discount that gets you a one topping pizza for $11. Once I open the box, my roommate grabs two slices and immediately leaves. My friend takes a slice and drags me to her friends room with the full knowledge that I have anxiety issues and the amount of noise happening in that room combined with my travel exhaustion was so much that I had to leave. She didn’t notice (she wasn’t even talking to me once we entered the room). I ended up spending $18 to eat three slices of pizza on the floor of my dorm room while watching a nature documentary alone.
AITA for thinking they should have hung out with me? I feel like if someone buys you dinner, especially if you insist on not paying, there’s an understanding that they want to spend time with you.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
yZreTm8lAfuMiM7EKjTF6MPqERZgisSV
|
a12wyv
|
{
"description": "not helping my roommate move in",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for not helping my roommate move in?
|
So this happened a couple of years ago in college but it still bothers me today.
I moved in the day before into the dorm room. It was just me and my mom so we had to make multiple trips and set everything up by ourselves. Needless to say, I did not want to do anything more with my part of the room. The next day, my roommate moves in. She has her mom, mom's bf, brother, sister, and sister's bf all helping her. While this is going on I am sitting on my bed with my ear buds in. Nobody asked me to help and I figured I would just be in the way as she already had an entourage. As I'm sitting, her mom takes a picture of me and laughs. After a while, they had mostly cleared out and my roommate had a couple of things to move with her mom and sister. They asked for my help and I got up and helped them. They made jokes about how I was finally helping. It bothered me but I figured whatever.
Later, like, months later, I'm at her house for a party and in front of everyone her parents bring up how I never helped them move. Her mom's bf referred to me as the roommate who just laid in bed watching Netflix while they moved in. And the thing is, they always bring it up, every time I see them. The joke's a bit old by now. And her mom shows the picture of me on my bed.
Was I the asshole for not helping while I had already moved all of my stuff? And at the end, when they did ask, I got up and helped. It just really bothers me 2 years later.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
RIGHT
|
rr0ncEn1dEe4BkDDRZ60v4aUMpdtVGm0
|
b8nmkj
|
{
"description": "wanting to report a dickpic I got a month ago",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to report a dickpic I got a month ago?
|
Disclaimer: English isn't my first language and I am on mobile.
Ok so i got a dickpic a month ago (from a guy i know) that i did not want. I sent a pic on my wall and out of the blue the guy sent a pic of his snake. My response was like "Haha wrong girl?" And he ignored it so then got a little bit mad about and wanted an apology, but he ignored me again.
Now i wanna report him to the police (about the pic i got)bc he is now talking to my friend and apparently has been sending her lots of dickpics that she didn't want and she just looked over it and continues to talk to him.
I have talked to her about reporting him and she thinks that i am totally overreacting.
I mean if a guy that i didn't know sent me a pic I just report him(to the social media) and block him. But I didn't want to block this guy since i know him.
Am I the asshole if i go through with it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 4
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
TdeBSfGCaVeSVDh9YRzB3NwUYRbGgI3d
|
9y5rc6
| null |
WIBTA My neighbour plays Bass
|
Me: Young Professional just moved into an older style condo building.
My neighbour: Middle age dude who play bass, music,movies, etc loudly
The Building: Old over engineered walls
I've recently move into an older style condo and my neighbour is loud. By loud I mean one can feel the vibrations of his music throughout my apartment and probably the ones near by. One of the neighbours on the same floor moved within a few months of living near this guy.
So far I haven't really done much about the issue directly with him yet due to the fact that I moved in months ago but I haven't really lived extensively in the condo due to travel and work. Now I am home a tad more but mostly just at night and weekend for another week untill I will be doing a lot of work from home.
I have not talked to him directly yet but I have banged on the wall when he is blasting bass,music, and/or music when I come home and try to sleep. He turns it down.
The Building has over 28cm concrete walls I feel I shouldn't hear this guy. I don't hear any of my other neighbours. I think I am living near a musician who does not understand how bass travels.
I play accordion and classical guitar. I rent a practice space or use my isolation booth
He sent a note recently asking which hours of the day can he play his music. I'll attach it and my terse response to it.
My plan of action, wibta?:
1)Contact neighbours on the floor to determine if they can hear and feel this guy as loudly as I do.
2)Set up a legal mediation.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
zOWKfGk5NWHlRx2A5ivOF6obK4HYoGip
|
b3nsdf
|
{
"description": "not telling my partner that I'm pregnant",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I didn't tell my partner that I'm pregnant (and will be terminating)?
|
Throwaway, since my best friend follows my regular reddit and I haven't mentioned it to anyone I know yet.
My relationship with my partner is, to put it lightly, on the rocks. I can't trust him, he lies constantly to my face about innocuous things and, quite frankly, he treats me like crap when I do anything even slightly 'out of line' like me wanting time away, or tell him he's wrong. He's also been treating someone else, another girl, like the way he treated me at the start of the relationship, and I've been left to the sidelines. This isnt jealousy either - he sends paragraphs of sweet nothings to her, and bad mouths me in texts. It isn't openly declared 'romance', but it certainly isn't friendship.
The biggest one though, is that I can't trust him with my secrets. He's blabbed about some major ones in the past.
I'm pregnant. 4 or 5 weeks, according to the doctor. Found out roughly 36 hours ago. My decision was always going to be to terminate, regardless of relationship status - we agreed that, if protection failed, that's what we would do. I guess, now I know - even condoms can fail sometimes.
Yay.
I want out of the relationship. I feel suffocated, trapped. I can't trust this man with any secret, and this is a BIG one. I don't want him talking about it with other people behind my back, but it feels so wrong to keep this secret. Despite our troubles, he's still a good person and I want to do right by him.
I have an appointment on Saturday, to terminate the pregnancy. I haven't told anyone else that I'm pregnant.
Reddit: WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
0fKByWbDKHQ3EZxCvwLTkeefI2j470Xn
|
a12g25
|
{
"description": "not helping friends move",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA - Not helping friends move
|
I have this rule that I never help friends move.
I’ll gladly help with other stuff related to moving (painting the new place, assembling Ikea furniture, cleaning, etc.). But if you want me to help you move a washing machine or anything bigger than a box, l always say no.
Why? The obvious reasons. It sucks, it ruins my day and l don’t want to risk injury over moving somebody else’s stuff.
I always hire guys when I move now. I have helped several friends in the past and only requested help once when I was younger so it’s not like I’ve gotten help multiple times and don’t want to give back. I’m actually ahead (helped way more than I’ve been helped).
Money isn’t an issue either. We aren’t rich by any means but we can all afford a few hundred bucks for movers.
Bottom line, I don’t bother anyone when l move and I pay professionals, so why would I risk injury to help someone else save a few bucks while ruining my day in the process. AITA?
First post, hopefully didn’t break too many rules.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Cb4QpFMRjplMUsBW4iRCNOUurARfX8ju
|
9y4hn8
|
{
"description": "arguing about religion",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
aita for arguing about religion?
|
Context: I’m not actually very religious. I haven’t been religious for a really long time but I understand why people turn to religion and why they pray and believe in it.
it happened because someone I knew made a shit post saying god wasn’t real and I read and was completely confused. It’s okay to share your opinion and to have an opinion but I feel like if your opinion on a topic is completely ill informed then you have no substance or basis to your point and you look like an idiot.
The actual post was saying if “people suffer in the world is god even real?” (The shorter version) and I thought how they stated it and how the worded it was really rude. Even though I was able to understand where he was coming from, I feel like insulting someone’s beliefs especially when they’re passionate about it is just a total and utter dick move.
I commented basically saying that he doesn’t know what they really speaking about if he’s speaking so ignorantly and the despite the fact I don’t believe in god, his opinion (which he put hashtags underneath) was just incredibly rude. They genuinely offended people but I feel like a slight asshole for saying anything.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
fa8DmAby0tiXAHIJSD1OtxDGiQSWlxzH
|
avhrpl
|
{
"description": "not responding to a message on a dating app",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not responding to a message on a dating app?
|
Hi,
I'm recently (december)single after about 7 years of relationships. I finally decided to download a couple dating apps. Well, the two I downloaded are very different. On one it's very much more difficult to get matches, and on the other I'm getting constantly spammed with messages from fake accounts.
Well, I got a message from a girl that just said "hey"
Generic as hell right? I looked at her pictures and I wasn't attracted to her, and didn't really want to start a conversation/reply to just a "hey" anyways, so I didn't respond.
She must have the paid subscription that allows you to see read receipts, because she sent another message that said "sorry i'll leave you alone" after I didn't respond.
Now, I'm brand new to dating apps, but I know not responding, or even responding a couple times then going dark is very very common in this sort of thing. I didn't initially think that I had done anything wrong, but after I read that message I just felt like the biggest douchebag for not responding. Like, she put herself out there and contacted me, I read it (and she knew I read it), and just ignored her, mostly because I'm not attracted to her. At the time of this post, I haven't responded to that second message, not sure how to/if I should at this point.
I definitely feel like a dick though, even if this is par for the course on dating apps. Am I an asshole here? Thank you.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
QBLn6s2qMtYbpNJAzxXWgB497FGlBmWr
|
a2i1eh
|
{
"description": "not accepting my younger sibling's hand-me-downs",
"pronormative_score": 43,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not accepting my younger sibling's hand-me-downs?
|
I'm a 14 year old boy. I have two older sisters (17 and 19) and a younger sister (12). My family's never had a lot of money, so the way my parents always bought clothes was this: my oldest sister gets new clothes, her old clothes go to the second youngest, I get her old ones, and my little sister gets mine.
This always made angry or embarrassed because I'd end up with either pink shoes or skinny jeans or something like that. I never complained too much because I knew money was tight, but it still sucked. My mom justified it by saying that I was the same size as them anyway (I'm very short and skinny for my age) and that no one would notice.
This was bad enough, but as of about a month ago my younger sister became taller than me by about 3 inches. My dad said that since she's growing so much and has more to go that I have to take her hand-me-downs now, putting me at the bottom of the totem pole.
I freaked out, called them all assholes, and said that I refuse to go to school until they get me clothes that are for me and me only. My family says that I'm being unreasonable and selfish, but I don't think I am. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 42,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 43,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
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