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{
"description": "telling my fiancé to raise an issue with my parents \"or I will\"",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for telling my fiancé to raise an issue with my parents “or I will”?
|
Basically, my fiancé has severe anxiety and OCD. He doesn’t like being late to places, as he hates wasting people’s time, and doesn’t like having to explain why he’s late.
We live with my parents (paying rent, don’t know if that’s important or not), and there have been at least a dozen instances where my fiancé has said he’d make his own way to an appointment or to work and my parents have insisted they take him (we can’t drive), and won’t take no for an answer. Only to then, a short time before his appointment (I mean at most 15 minutes), tell him they can’t take him any longer. This means he’s then stressing making his own way somewhere.
2 months ago, he had a series of worrying anxiety attacks that came with heart palpitations. He ended up in hospital because he was so unwell. They told him they needed to send him to have a heart monitor fitted, and that appointment was scheduled for today.
This morning, I asked my dad if he could take him to his appointment, and he said sure. My fiancé kept telling him it wasn’t necessary, as he could walk as we only live a 20-25 minute walk away from the doctors, and my parents were going out this morning. But my parents, again, insisted they’d be back in time to take him.
It got to 15 minutes before his appointment, and my mum texted him telling him he has to walk. He panics his entire way there, practically running, sweating (which isn’t ideal when you’re getting a heart monitor fitted), and shows up just in time for the receptionist to stop the nurse from getting in her car (that she’d already put all the equipment into). Which means he’s given down the banks by the receptionist for being late to his appointment.
He texts me all this. Knowing how upset he was by all the prior instances (that he begged me not to mention anything to them about), I get pretty angry with my parents for doing this. I tell him to say something, and he refuses because they do a lot for us, which they do. But when they make him feel guilty for not letting them help him and then make him late - and even miss an appointment over upping his medication - by cancelling on him, I see it as ridiculously unfair.
He begs me not to say anything, and I say that I won’t if he says something first. He says “I’ll tell them what happened” I know he won’t, so I tell him that he either politely tells them he needs more time to make his own way there if they can’t take him, or I will. Now he’s upset with me, and I feel guilty for giving him an ultimatum as I hate being controlling.
Am I the asshole for this? Is there a better way I could have gone about this?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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{
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WRONG
|
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aqwezg
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{
"description": "not liking and not willing to talk to my mom",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not liking and not willing to talk to my mom?
|
When I was a child my mother would very often yell at me. I was yelled at if I spilled some milk, went on the grass while wearing good shoes or even if she was just in a bad mood. Also, I used to be quite close to my grandmother and my mom would also yell at me (well mostly at her) because I would spend too much time with her. But as I got older I started ignoring her more and more and also started yelling at her instead when I felt like she would yell at me. But the thing is, I'm now 17 and she more or less stopped yelling at me (she instead yells at my sister since she isn't doing at school that great), while I still ignore her and act hostile to her. Even when she wants to have a normal conversation with me I tend to be uninterested, don't talk back or talk badly about her if she tries to say something bad to me. I'm however fairly neutral to my father, not close to him (am probably closer to some friends at school) but I often have normal conversations with him. Am I an asshole for not trying to improve my relationship with my mother who isn't abusive against me anymore? One thing that I should however also note is that her parents are even worse than her (stole a dog for fun) so I can see were she picked up some toxic behaviour.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
a7topz
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{
"description": "making my Aunt cry",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA For making my Aunt cry?
|
TL;DR : Aunt thinks that dark humor is discriminatory, I disagreed. She was on the verge of tears and now I don't know what to think of myself. Anyways, subscribe to Pewdiepie.
​
I was invited to have dinner with my aunt and grandmother at a restaurant, where we were just having a casual conversation about phones. My aunt brought up that she had an addiction to reading too much news, notably saying that she read the Wall Street Journal. I, being the idiot that I am, brought up how the WSJ was trying to make Pewdiepie look like a Nazi. I guess my intention of saying that was to make a point that the WSJ are a dis-credible news source (I guess?) She thought it wasn't funny to make Nazi jokes, in which I said that dark humor isn't for everybody. So we had this argument about dark humor.
​
I was arguing that what we find funny doesn't mean we support what the joke states. If someone makes a joke about the holocaust, it doesn't mean that person believes the holocaust was right. My aunt disagreed and was offended that I thought "six million Jews died" was funny. She says that dark humor jokes are malicious and discriminatory, and I repeatedly disagreed. I think that context matters when a joke is told. Which leads me into my next point.
​
Everything has a potential to be funny. I said that subjects such as the holocaust or 9/11 *can* be funny, regardless of what we think of it at face-value. She thought I was insane for saying that and I, with regret, told her that she doesn't know what a joke is. I told her we can't control what we think is funny because we're all human. She responded by telling me it was immoral to support anyone who thinks it's funny to make jokes on the holocaust. And we kind of left it at that.
​
I realize now that I shouldn't have brought up the Pewdiepie/media drama. Looking back, it was kind of a stupid topic to begin with, but I'm just sitting here, typing this, and questioning why I have a tendency to make people cry. Am I the asshole?
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
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}
|
WRONG
|
GYE8NNmXTB97oPlfX4kYxy3HyVt0vThE
|
afovc2
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{
"description": "not wanting to talk to my mother",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For not wanting to talk to my mother?
|
My mother is a lifelong drug addict, thief, con artist, etc. She has committed just about every crime except murder, although she was a witness in a murder trial. She stole from me, my grandparents, my friends, her friends, basically anyone that she gets close to. Not just small stuff, as she has stolen cars, safes, credit cards, checkbooks, large TV's, family heirlooms and all sorts of expensive or sentimental things.
When i went to the Marines, she took out $40,000 worth of credit cards in my name, sold all of my collectibles, and even sold my car! When i came back, i only had 2 boxes of clothes.
She recently talked my granfather into giving her his house. He has Alzheimer's and dementia. She dropped him off at a nursing home and left. The problem is that she has power of attorney. She eventually brought him back home when she spent too much of his money to be able to afford paying for the nursing home.
Needless to say, i haven't spoken to her in almost 10 years.
My grandmother keeps saying that her and my grandfather don't have a lot of time left and that she wants us to make up before she dies. My grandmother is the one who raised me because of my mother's drug problem. I don't go to the family gatherings like Thanksgiving or Christmas because they insist on inviting her. I don't want to be around her or have her influence my daughter.
Last time that i forgave her, i lost around $2,400 out of my bank account. I gave her a least 15 chances before. This is not an exaggeration.
AITA for not wanting to talk to her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
b2n4am
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{
"description": "not wanting to give a friend money",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to give a friend money?
|
Alright so here is some back story, my husband and I have a mutual friend named Mike. We have known Mike since high school and are both very close to Mike. Mike is normally never the type to ask for help with anything, he is very much a "I can handle it myself" type of person.
BUT, very shortly after high school he got his gf pregnant. They struggled to pay for the pregnancy alone but now that the baby is born it's even harder. He has been having issues keeping a job and so has she. A few months ago he called my husband and I and asked to send him gas money because he couldn't even get to work. We sent him gas money and a little extra for food and baby stuff (we live in a different state now so we PayPal). We knew he wouldn't ask unless he really needed it. A little while later we ended up sending a few hundred for some medical expenses. My parents still live near Mike and they heard about the money issues and put together a huge gift basket of baby stuff and $300 in cash.
Since then Mike only gets in touch with us to ask for money. A few months back he asked for $200 for work boots which we said no to because we didn't have the money. But I'm a little offended that we were so close before and now he only calls to ask for money. I want to help but I also don't want him depending on my husband and I for money everytime he needs it. He even asked about moving in with us to help him save money which...is a no go. Not only will our lease not allow it but 4 adults, a newborn, a dog and 3 cats in a two bedroom apartment would not work. Yet he still insisted we talk to the land lord to work something out.
He asked for money again today and I told my husband no, I wouldn't be okay with giving him any more. I don't want him to change the relationship from friends to using us for money and it feels like that's what's happening. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
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}
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
9v56ed
|
{
"description": "possibly quitting my nannying job without warning on Friday",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for possibly quitting my nannying job without warning on Friday?
|
I’ve been working for this family for nearly 4 years now as a nanny. I’ve been there for them through some of their financial issues, at one point taking a pay-cut to keep looking after their kids when one of them lost their job, stayed overnight while the parents had to travel for over a week, even taking their dog to the hospital on multiple occasions.
But tonight I had enough...I don’t know what it was, but I just snapped..
I told the youngest daughter (let’s call her Jane), 10, to go put on long pants for practice since it’s cold outside. Her response was to throw herself on the ground, scream and cry, “We’re practicing inside!!!” I told her that even if it was indoors, the building isn’t heated so it would most likely still be cold. She then went to her dad (who was working from home today but still needed me to run the girls to practice, help with homework and cook) and started sobbing hysterically, yelling “u/tiinypenguin keeps telling me to put on pants!! I don’t want to!!”
The dad comes in the kitchen where I was making dinner and asks, “Why does Jane need to wear long pants?” I told him it’s cold outside and it’s forecasted to rain tonight + the temps dipping. He kept saying, “well the practice is indoors.” To which Jane replies to sticking her tongue out at me and screaming “I TOLD YOU!!”
The oldest daughter, 13, was explaining to her dad that the building does get cold. She was just trying to help me out, which I appreciated so much. But the dad kept telling me there was no reason and I could leave and he’d take the girls to practice.
Maybe I’m being overemotional and sensitive but I got in my car and started crying. I expected the other adult to be there and have my back and understand. Instead he made me look like a fucking idiot and allowed the youngest to get away with her disrespectful tantrum. The youngest one has a habit of doing these things. I’ve tried to just handle her behavior the best I can, but after years of the same shit I’m kind of just fed up. I don’t see why the dad couldn’t have understood I was doing what was best for her, not wanting her to go out in the cold. Even if the practice was indoors, you just never know.
I’ve had enough and I’m contemplating quitting on Friday after getting my paycheck. The mom works all next week and needs someone to watch the kids but at this point, I don’t even care anymore about their wants and needs. I’m not under a contract with them, I didn’t make any promises.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
JvYOT2ZyLKs0IR8nI4IxhlMpunhJXXHp
|
b5zuzz
|
{
"description": "laughing at those Howard Stern videos of Beetlejuice, the disabled man in those youtube videos",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for laughing at those Howard Stern videos of Beetlejuice, the disabled man in those youtube videos?
|
I feel bad for laughing at the guy...the shit they do to him in these videos is pretty fucking sad. Like they are purposefully bullying him on TV and it kinda feels like i’m an asshole for laughing at him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
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OTHER
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{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
jDO9XJoPfa8CEDlSSbCBq0squVM9YYOv
|
arvzba
|
{
"description": "asking my girlfriend not to share her first kiss with her friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my girlfriend not to share her first kiss with her friend?
|
Basically, I feel controlling because she's saying that she wants to have a "no feelings lips kiss" as her first kiss. This would be fine if it was with me, because I *fucking love her*, but she wants to do it with her best friend. Generally you kiss your boyfriend right? Not your best friend? I love this girl. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I was looking forward to having our special moment together. And now this happened.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
S8eCTdCxA1N8qRCdyNGvkIfCZQHZkfkV
|
a2kevb
|
{
"description": "wanting to follow a dream and sacrifice a relationship in the process",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to follow a dream and sacrifice a relationship in the process
|
I apologise for being vague about some details but I know my partner's on reddit and I'm slightly paranoid.
I've been in a relationship with my SO for 3 years now and while I do love them, for about 10 years (I'm 24) my dream has been to move to another country for a couple of years or so (living in England currently but have family abroad where I want to go).
This is something that they are aware of and they will even occasionally bring up that if it wasn't for them that I would probably be there by now.
I gave up on the dream a while ago but recently have had thoughts of trying again but I know that I wouldn't want to be in a relationship if I did.
I don't want to move away only to spend all my time there missing someone and wanting to go back home.
It's hard as well as my SO will make various comments like "I'll never find anyone better than you" "if you left me I dont know what I'd do" and I know that they are probably said in jest but I can't help feeling like I'm stuck.
They aren't financially stable enough to move with me and they aren't interested in going in the first place so that has never been an option.
Im just worried I'm going to go through life with regrets if I don't try.
AITA for wanting to follow this dream?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
KBCkv2Skpbz5qsvvxiN4WJhYnsNfPmtG
|
b8eq41
|
{
"description": "not wanting to fix a family friend's computer",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to fix a family friend's computer?
|
I'm basically the resident IT guy at home and everyone knows it. I love tinkering and building computers, I have a Diploma in IT Networking and I'm currently finishing up a Bachelor's degree in IT. I'm usually pretty great at fixing all manner of IT related problems, especially when it comes to computers. I think to those more uninformed when it comes to technology, I appear to be like some god like hacker Neo from the Matrix, when in reality I just try a bunch of fairly generic solutions until one fits.
Anyway, this morning my mum's friend reached out saying that last night she had a power outage while her PC was performing Windows updates (gotta love Windows 10) and of course it completely fucked her computer. I had a similar problem before where a PC I had refurbished was updating when my mum yanked the power cord out halfway through. It ended up being a real pain in the ass to fix and I ended up just reinstalling Windows. Between work, university, gym and my daily mental breakdowns, I find there's not much room to schedule a whole lot else, especially with my downright superhuman procrastination. Today though I have most of the afternoon free and I finally made myself a horrid keto coffee (yay weightloss) when I replied to her message, asking her to describe the issue in more detail and I asked if she could still access Windows. She proceeds to ignore that question and send a bunch of utterly useless messages like "I can't get into it" and "I dunno Its not working". She sends me some pictures and I ask her if she's able to run Windows Updates again to possibly rectify the issue. She calls me and asks me to come in to fix it. I know for a fact that it'll probably eat up a good couple hours or so of my time at least, especially since its an OEM machine that's more locked down and the BIOS can be a pain in the ass on them. If I have to reinstall Windows for her, I'd have to prepare an install disk and go through the entire process which would take hourssssss. Am I the asshole for deciding not to help her out, even though realistically I probably could rectify the issue eventually?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
akal2a
|
{
"description": "not paying the repairmen fees for my friend's cracked screen",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for not paying the repairmen fees for my friend’s cracked screen?
|
A few days ago I was about to enter my tuition class. As I was at the door I saw that my friend’s table was blocking the door (it had a window above half of the door so that I can see what’s blocking the door). I pushed the door a little and my Friend didn’t move his table, so I pushed the door harder and the door opened, which also caused his table to move aside. But suddenly I heard something fell, it was his phone. I helped him pick his phone up and then I went to my seat in class.
When tuition ended, I went to my Friend to see if his phone was okay and saw a cracked corner on the front glass of the phone. I felt sorry so I said that I would pay for the damages. And for a few days after that I thought that it was my fault.
Yesterday I asked him for the repairment fee and he said 900 dollars. I was like, 900 dollars for replacing the front glass?! Then he said I only had to pay 400 dollars, he also stated that his dad was furious about it. This led me to think if it was actually my fault that I broke his phone. We quarrelled through Messenger and both of us exchanged arguments on why I should/shouldn’t pay for the fee.
My points for defending were:
1. I didn’t know/saw his phone was on the table
2. Why was he blocking the door in the first place (after I said this he then stated that he didn’t know that he was blocking the door, which honestly just sounds idiotic)
3. The repairment fee could not be that high. His phone is a Samsung S6 Edge, and the only thing that needs replacing is the front glass
I have not given my money yet, because I’m not sure if it’s entirely my fault or not. Please help!
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
JQjOg0CM8PefMpRwzHXNA5h2YHVTBI0F
|
ade7jk
|
{
"description": "being upset with my girlfriend over her comments during sex",
"pronormative_score": 47,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For Being Upset With My Girlfriend Over Her Comments During Sex?
|
together a year and a half. the other night we were being intimate and in the middle of sex she asks if I like seeing her that way, and I said yes. she then asks if I'd like seeing her that way with another guy, which was completely new and I almost laughed at how out of character it was, but when I realized what she said I stopped and sat up and asked her to repeat it. She kept reaching for my crotch and then asks if I'd like to see her with her coworker. By this point im off the bed and getting dressed asking her what the fuck her problem is and why she'd ask something so specific and spring it on me, she started getting defensive and telling me she wanted to spice things up. I asked her if she had anything going on with this coworker and why she mentioned him specifically and she told me I was being ridiculous, so I left and haven't been answering her calls.
some very important details. I was cheated on in past relationships and I am 100% monogamous as a result. She has known for a long time I am not ok with opening our relationship at all and any threesome talk would be a hard no, so why she'd even ask is beyond me. second, this coworker she mentioned is a guy who works in her department and is friends with. They text sometimes and hang out with other coworkers outside of work, and im just now realizing i've never met the guy. i worry she may be cheating on me with him, or have feelings for him, because of how sudden this was and the fact she mentioned him by name specifically. I mean if you already have someone picked out it means you at least think about them, right? im now uneasy about her going back to work with this guy and how i can ever trust her around him again.
Third, i feel very upset she keeps telling me I'm ridiculous and not explaining to me why she said that when i keep trying to ask, I dont feel heard. WIBTA if I ended things over this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
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|
b13ska
|
{
"description": "eating the last cupcake instead of saving it for my husband",
"pronormative_score": 36,
"contranormative_score": 171
}
|
AITA for eating the last cupcake instead of saving it for my husband?
|
Using a throwaway because a lot rides on how you guys vote. Basically if I "win" my husband has to go real estate shopping with me in our city's historic district all weekend long. If he "wins" I have to do things with my mouth that I'd rather not mention on my regular account.
So last Saturday when I was grocery shopping I bought a four pack of gourmet cupcakes from the bakery. Usually when I do this its a foregone conclusion that we each get two. I ate both of mine on the first day and they were wonderful. My husband had one of his on the first day. I noticed yesterday that his second cupcake was still in the fridge and I figured he must not want it so I mowed down like I was a starving chimp. Again, delicious.
He didn't tell me but I guess he was saving his cupcake as a victory celebration for finishing a project at work. He sounded like a hurt little boy when he got home and said in his adorable little whiney voice "heyyyyyy you ate myyyyy cupcake" but I guess he was more upset and I was a bit insensitive for not taking him seriously.
My side: cupcakes have a shelf life and five days in the fridge was really pushing it. One of us should eat it before it going bad.
His side: it was his cupcake and I should have not eaten it, or if I was planning on eating it I should have at least checked with him first.
Since so much is riding on this...am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"OTHER": 22,
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
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WRONG
|
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|
am6z82
|
{
"description": "asking my flatmates' boyfriend to leave when she's not home",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA Asking my flatmates' boyfriend to leave when she's not home
|
Hello Reddit!
I am not sure how my first post will go down (not even sure if it's in the right thread) but I've been reading Reddit posts for years now and tonight seemed like the perfect night to ask my first question.
So, I live with my flatmate who is about a decade older with me, who has been in her relationship for about 8 years. Due to their jobs they live about 3hrs apart but this was a decision only taken in the last year. Recently, he has been staying over more and more and whilst I don't mind this when she is home, it has now come to a point where in the last 3 weeks I am coming home to him alone as opposed to them together. This is because she has other things planned etc. and it is not like 20 minutes - we're talking (like tonight) a whole evening where he is lying in my living room, on my couch and I've had to hide in my room. Don't get me wrong, I like the guy, he's funny, interesting and a good chat but I think that I see him enough when they are together.
I feel like I am living with a third person that I never signed up to live for, and it's not like he's contributing to the bills.
My real question is - am I being oversensitive?
I also have a boyfriend who stays over a maximum of 3 nights a week, and whilst both of our partners have keys to the flat, he has never dreamed of entering without me.
I'd just like her to show me the same respect that I show her. I am planning on bringing it up over the weekend, and making it clear that he shouldn't be here unless she is home herself.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
JIF6TN8htkZkbBezFKnJewiilUJoZhS1
|
9yj8r9
|
{
"description": "\"stealing\" this parking spot",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for "stealing" this parking spot?
|
Going to try to phrase this the best and non-biased way I can.
Pregnant wife and I are going to the mall, in the distance I see someone pulling out so I make my way down the lane. Right as I am approaching, somebody comes from the other end and puts on their blinkers, but with the way the car is pulling out I have access first so I pull in.
The guy is LIVID. Calls me all sorts of obscenities, I calmly look him in the eyes and tell him my wife is pregnant and we saw the guy pull out from down the aisle.
He "doesn't fucking care" and says since he put his blinkers on first he claimed the space and that I should move before there's trouble.
I tell him I'm not moving and I point out that there is someone else pulling out a few spots down. He gives me the bird and speeds down the lane. I get a picture of his license plate and car in case he decided to take retribution out on my vehicle.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
Sq9OTC9yXPCP2ujFdkrpFpSTZ1aN8V98
|
anqcje
|
{
"description": "not accepting my brother as \"trans\"",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for not accepting my brother as "trans"
|
I spent the first 16years of my life wanting to be just like my older brother, he was kind, intelligent, and took none of my shit, he was what i inspired to strive for better.
Anyway, about 2 and a half years ago, he left an ominous note on his desk, due to him suffering from mental illness during his senior year of high school. This note sends my parents into panic. In that note he presented the idea of him thinking that he is trans.
This is where my problem starts, I know that, he is my brother, he showed no signs of being a girl at all, especially after attending an all male school, he has every male Characteristic under the sun and the last thing anyone thinks of when looking at him is that he is not a girl. He steals money from me, my parents and my sister, he's a pathological liar. And claims that the brother I grew up with, my role model, no longer exists.
This is my snapping point, the psycohlogist he was seeing about being trans, tried to tell him he isn't a girl(the only reason why I know this is because he stopped going after the psychologist disagreed with his idea of being trans). He's lied to the psychologist about appointments and he's been caught out on many lies about how he thinks he feels. He's torn apart our family and thinks everyone in our house are more or less "incels"
I know how everyone says we should try and be accepting. I have no problem with sexuality and sexual preference. I hate him, I just don't know wether or not I'm justified for it
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
DFu4qaOetRVcW0FpOojHMi8GCrxDwkuQ
|
a2xf4l
|
{
"description": "wanting to swap bunks by quarter with my roommate",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to swap bunks by quarter with my roommate?
|
​
Im at college in a triple dorm and before moving in we all agreed we would work out the bunking and closet situation once we got there but of course that fell through and as the last one to move in, I was defaulted to top bunk and all the other non-preferential options for desk and closet space. Whatever, I don't really care that much about any of it except for the bunk, which we had agreed would be contentious and require working out. It's a week from the end of the first (fall) quarter, and for the quarter I have been mentioning to my roommate that I would take bottom bunk winter quarter since he just presumed it for fall. Every-time I say it he just says "no, not happening" but I have never been in the mood to argue or really discuss it until now when it's coming down to the wire. Of course when I told him again the reaction was the same but this time I told him I thought it was a more fair compromise than first come first serve tough luck. As far as I can tell his only arguments for not swapping bunks are "life's not always fair", "most people don't switch", and "all my things are set up already" but the only thing on the beds are sheets so I don't think that argument is very legit. I'm even conceding that he can have bottom again in Spring, meaning he'll have the bottom for two quarters and me only one. I really don't understand how I can be in the wrong on this one but that's why I'm asking you guys if it's possible that I am the asshole here. I'm also out of options on how to deal with this because he is saying there's now way he'll leave and if I try to sleep in the bed he'll just get in and sleep with me. Any advice would be appreciated on how to deal with my spoiled stubborn roommate.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
80BDvtqeqtU565DP4hxrsc1WTRa053w2
|
arfqxs
|
{
"description": "leaving my boyfriend who has mental health issues",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving my boyfriend who has mental health issues?
|
So I recently broke up with my boyfriend and we’ve been on and off for about 6 years. Around two years ago, he found out that he was suffering from severe depression, anxiety and he was bipolar and I wanted to fully support him and be there for him since I was also going through the same thing so I could empathise.
​
It was pretty rocky after that. There were a lot of days where he’d just break down crying for no reason (and he’d say that he doesn’t know why either. He just felt shitty) or him having a nervous breakdown. And I mean, these were basically a daily occurrence. But simultaneously, we’d have really good days where we’d hang out and have such a great time. On those days, he was just a really happy, positive person who loved to mess around and I loved that side of him.
​
At one point he said that he was fine if we broke up because of all the issues and the stress that he put on us and me, but I said that it was okay because at the time I really believed that things would get better. I really did love him at the time.
​
But then several months went by and nothing really changed. I felt really conflicted because I didn’t want to come off as an asshole for not caring about his mental health issues, but simultaneously I was so stressed out because on top of the troubles I had with him, I had to deal with school and it was a really heavy workload at the time as well as family issues. So, having him around and trying to make him feel better always stressed me out.
​
He'd make a big deal out of the smallest things. If I didn’t say ‘I love you’ back because I was preoccupied, he’d get mad. He wanted to have serious conversations all the time, and he'd take me away from my work and saying “it’ll only take like 5 minutes” with teary eyes but then after I came back, I realised it took half an hour. If I met up with my friends he’d say that I was putting my friends before him. But I couldn’t really break up with him because the moment I left, something bad always happened to him. He also used to say things like “You’re the best thing that’s happened to me in the last six years and I can’t see my life without you”, so I felt like I had to say. And throughout all of this, he’d have visible cut marks all across his arms and he’d be really skinny and underweight from undereating. He also couldn’t get out of bed most days and he basically stopped interacting with his friends (who, at the time did basically nothing to help him out).
​
Just yesterday, I went out for a friend’s birthday and we were out pretty late. I saw that he had called me and texted me a couple of times and I missed a couple of them. Others, I missed on purpose because I honestly needed a break from him. He also sent me numerous texts during the day but I also ignored them. I still don’t really regret because I honestly didn’t want to talk to him at all.
​
He had realised that I was ignoring him because on messenger, I'd say that I was active (since I needed to respond to my friends about what we were doing that night) but I didn’t read or respond to his messages at all. Anyways, I went out that night, had a great time and I basically forgot about him until I got home when I was bombarded with text messages and missed calls. He was going on and on about whether I cared about him and said that I wasn’t pulling my weight in the relationship. He said that I needed to try harder in the relationship and put as much effort as he was. I explained that I wasn't going to put any more effort into him than any other aspect of my life, and that I was stressed enough. Also I said that relationships shouldn't be this much work.
​
He told me that if that was how I viewed relationships, *I wasn't capable of love.*
​
I. WAS. SO. BLOODY. **PISSED**.
​
Who the fuck says that after years of a stressful relationship? I was basically the only person there for him for years and I had to deal with all the stress he put on me for ages and he still thought that I wasn't trying. For years I had to look after him and make sure that he was okay and it completely wore me down. I just broke up with him. Even though it was over text and some people hate that and think it's rude, I just had to.
​
As of now I don't actually feel upset at all. Maybe it's because I haven't fully comprehended what happened yet, but I also feel kinda free from letting go of it.
​
But now I'm getting messages from all his friends basically yelling at me, saying that he's really upset and heartbroken. I'm also a bit scared about whether something bad is going to happen with him. But in saying that, I'm still really happy that I left it. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
wY6Im6FgYlOZXTMWkrswvPogOzUBU3Fw
|
a1fns5
|
{
"description": "ruffling feathers",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Ruffling Feathers
|
My 5yo daughter was offered some recently hatched chicks from a learning exercise at her kindergarten. We live on a reasonable size property and we'd thought about getting layers a few times so I said sure. I got a heat lamp and used a large indoor cat enclosure we had. The 5 little chicks quite happily moved in to our lounge room.
I was casually talking at work about making or buying a chicken coop when a co-worker said to me "I have a half built coop at home that I never ended up needing, I'll finish it off and you pay for the materials. I'll actually be glad to get rid of it from behind my garage." Cool, I think, this co-worker is very hands on and I've seen heaps of his work in the past. He makes great stuff and takes pride in his work.
So this is where everything falls apart, weeks go by, I mention it to my workmate a few times but I don't want to harass him for doing me a favour. He keeps telling me he's working on it, even goes as far as saying he'll finish it on Friday and offers to deliver it on the weekend. He flakes, then he's on annual leave and tells me he'll work on it then. Bit he flakes again the following weekend. All the while the chickens are getting bigger and still living inside my house.
After about 2 monthhs of my wife yelling at me, i finally I have to pull the pin and buy a chicken coop. Now my workmate is upset that he's put more money into a coop he doesn't need (it's still not finished.)
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Yu4rIQ6LdDzwzQHunnaTU8Hh6LluLH8h
|
a8pozc
|
{
"description": "giving my parents an ultimatum",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
WIBTA if I gave my parents an ultimatum.
|
I came home for the holiday break as I usually do when the semesters at school end. My parents are in a clearly unhappy marriage and I am frankly fucking tired of hearing them bitch, moan, and yell at each other over stupid shit. My question is, would I be the asshole if I told them to get their shit in order or I am going to leave, and that I don't plan on coming back to stay for more than a day or two at a time from now on?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
z99B89c8IKTWXHc8BW1c3Oe3onPz5aWy
|
b2930r
|
{
"description": "being extremely annoyed by my SO's dog",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being extremely annoyed by my SO’s dog?
|
The dog isn’t aggressive, just intensely annoying to me. He always sticks his face in my crotch or ass when I’m sitting down, walking around, and bending over. He also can’t deal with stairs and whines. When he whines it’s like a loud cry which makes it sound like he’s getting the shit beaten out of him. Whenever he tries to stick his face near my lower half I just gently move his face away. I’m never aggressive or mean towards the dog and I haven’t said anything about my feelings about it to my SO. I feel like a total douche because they love the dog so much but I can’t help but just feel so irritated every time he’s around.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
JeoJehgmQVLukqihpDzQ6rJnvwOY2y5d
|
9z7vwr
| null |
WIBTA if I tagged the employers of racist commenters on FB, so they know their employee is a racist?
|
There were some anti-racism protests in my hometown. A local news blog covered the protests and posted a video interview with one of the protesters on their site and Facebook page. As you might expect, the woman was vilified in the comments, there were a lot of nasty remarks and racial slurs.
I took a look at the profiles of some of these vile commenters, and many of them have their employer mentioned in their profile. So I figured... wouldn't it be a shame if someone tagged their employer underneath such a comment, so they know their employee is a racist piece of shit?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
c64dmEgD46N2sqz9EPxrDxiU8f0YMzz1
|
ah0req
|
{
"description": "wanting to give up on my friend experiencing depression",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to give up on my friend experiencing depression?
|
A close friend of my has been experiencing, at times, debilitating depression over the years. It can get pretty bad and it often causes him to spiral into isolation, ghosting friends and family from communication. I love the dude, and want to support him so bad, but every time we successfully connect and arrange to chill, he bails on me at the last minute. This would be manageable if he didn't live an hour away - I've often made the drive over to his town and once I get there, he ghosts me and won't answer my calls or texts. What he's experiencing sucks. It sucks so bad, but I feel my efforts are vein and I don't know how much longer I'm willing to put my foot forward. Maybe I should take a step back and wait for him to reach out to me instead. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
dFPOSq67Ymm6hXDgT1E4anWZvxAIdhpy
|
awnf01
|
{
"description": "ignoring my father's phone calls",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA Ignoring my father's phone calls
|
This one needs a little back story.
My father is an alcoholic. He drinks a lot on weekends, but somehow manages to sober up before work during the week.
His drinking has affected me very negatively over the years, as I've bottled up my thoughts and feelings while listening to his drunk tirades and verbal abuse, which in some cases has turned physical.
Despite his drinking, he does try. He helped me buy my first car by covering half the cost, helped me enroll in college and many other things.
However, the straw that broke the camel's back was when we ended up moving the phone bill to my credit card. He promised to pay me back each month, but missed the payment twice, which ultimately ended up costing me when I was unable to purchase lab supplies.
I ended up losing my head, and for the first time in my life, yelled at him over the phone. This was in September, and I haven't spoken to him since as I live with my mother (and will be moving in to my own apartment very soon).
He's tried calling me several times in the past months, and has tried twice just today. I've ignored all of his calls.
AITA for not answering?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
C96vR0rdepKEL76Ledc6H8IzmVjhG7so
|
aj5m31
|
{
"description": "not going to my niece's first birthday party",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for not going to my niece's first birthday party?
|
My SO and I planned to go to our niece's first birthday party, but my SO's work schedule changed and can no longer go. The party is 4 hours away and I don't want to go alone because it is a long drive, it's too exhausting alone and I don't want to spend my day off driving for a 2 hour party. WIBTA for not going?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
3FPg3cyWfqEqHQUQCpl3SzZrcv6KHXsp
|
avh3ft
|
{
"description": "saying my boyfriend should drink less",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for saying my boyfriend should drink less?
|
Hi all,
I'm 18, my boyfriend is 19.
He drinks almost every day, not usually a lot, probably 1-2 glasses of wine/beers each time, but it's most days, and he'll have a fair amount more on weekends.
This has gone on for a long time.
I feel like this is not healthy, and is a dangerous road - one that could easily lead to alcoholism.
He says it's fine, that his parents used to effectively encourage the habitual drinking, and nothing will come of it.
I don't want to be controlling, but it bugs me for some reason.
Who's in the wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
59gH3OrLCds2nM2xu32sNCZLIPDQ76Jn
|
9vmbav
|
{
"description": "ghosting on someone I was kind of friends with",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ghosting on someone I was kind of friends with?
|
So I'm in college out of state, and one of the things I had to do as a result of being an out of state student, and just because it's college, was make new friends. So among one of my first new friends I made friends with this girl, let's call her Sophie.
So Sophie was a decent person (I thought) and was also really good at the chem class we both had together that I struggled with. So I started studying with her on a semi frequent basis. However, as things went on she slowly became less of a person I wanted to hang out with.
First thing that started happening was she started messaging me while I was busy. First it was once, then it was multiple times. Then it would be even when I told her in advance that I would be busy from time X to time Y she would still message me MULTIPLE times, looking for help that I didn't want to provide because I was BUSY. However, being the nice human that I am, I decided to answer her anyway (my mistake) which meant that this messaging got WORSE even when I told her I was busy in advance.
Then she started asking me for answers instead of help, which I didn't provide because academic integrity is something I take seriously in college, but still, that was red flag #2. Then after that, as I started making more friends, even more shit happened.
So I started making friends with other people through clubs and classes, and as it so happened one of my new friends also had chem with the same professor Sophie and I had. So, he and I began to study together sometimes because we just took a general liking to each other. This is when things start to get worse, because everytime I told her I was studying with someone else, she'd get angry at me for studying with someone else (I don't get it? Anybody have an explanation for someone who isn't the best socially?).
Because at this point she just all around wasn't really someone I wanted to continue spending time with, I ghosted on her, and have avoided seeing her (for the most part) for the last two weeks. AITA? Should I have not ghosted?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
D8iQSbSUniaUXWuSyFKHJiA3C6NhESOk
|
aewk0b
|
{
"description": "accepting a job which many of my colleagues have been seeking",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for accepting a job which many of my colleagues have been seeking
|
Before I begin, I just want to point out that this question is from my girlfriend (who doesn't use Reddit, her loss...). I thought that Reddit might be able to shed some light on her situation, as to help her determine if she's making the right decision.
​
Tl;dr : "Am I the asshole for accepting a higher ranking position, surpassing workers that have been around for much longer than I have, or am I just paranoid that co-workers will hate for no reason?"
​
"I've recently received an opportunity to be a Team Leader, which is in my opinion the most desirable position in my current line of work. Being an HR representative, and serving 15 different clients, with employment wallets well over the thousands, I strongly believe that I've been around long enough to say that I know my job very well. That said, some of my colleagues have been here much longer than I have. In fact, I've only been in my position for 3 years, whereas a good friend of mine has been for 7 years. What I fear the most, is being the supervisor for people that have more experience than me, when I know very well that they are problematic employees. I can already feel them staring daggers at me."
​
My personal opinion on this one is that she should not care what other people think, and should instead show them that she can be an excellent, reasonable, understanding and accommodating team leader. That way she will earn they're respect in a professional way, and maybe even teach them a thing or two along the way.
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
1RtaPc3kAwacQUKFnc4uDZwgd15dBark
|
9xirbe
|
{
"description": "being bothering by my girlfriend wearing other guy's clothes",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being bothering by my girlfriend wearing other guy’s clothes?
|
I’ve been dating this girl for a little over a year now. She has a few guy friends (one of which is her ex boyfriend) that she’s really close with, and from time to time she will tell me that some of the clothes she’s wearing (hoodies, shirts, etc.) actually belong to them and that she’s just wearing them because she likes them. She wears their clothes more than she wears any of mine.
One time, I tried talking to her about how it bothers me and she just got upset and somewhat defensive. At this point, I backed off because I didn’t think it was worth fighting over. I’ve tried bringing it up a couple other times, but she just gets mad and says that I shouldn’t care.
Anyways, does the fact that this bothers me make me an asshole? I fully trust her and I have confidence that nothing is going on between them but the fact that she wears their clothes just gets under my skin.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ofBBe9IeqfS0pFHnbBqW4ryuH6gCUHDj
|
ay8j3d
|
{
"description": "\"not paying attention\" to my gf on her birthday",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA for "not paying attention" to my gf on her birthday?
|
So today is my gfs birthday and I didn't go to school so I could be with her the whole day. None of us really celebrate birthdays so I had nothing crazy planned and asked her for the last month what she would like to do, to which she never replied.
Tuesday I had woken up at 5pm after gaming a whole night so of course leading up to today I didn't sleep. And I told her from the beginning that if there was anything she wanted to do today, making me lay down with her all day like she normally does is going to make me go to sleep. So after about 2 hours of eating and talking she basically forced me to sleep, like she put covers over me and told me to go to sleep as we laid down.
So then I wake up around like 7 and her family is in the kitchen. They mainly speak Spanish so theres not really much conversation to be had. So I come out and made a joke to her brother about him calling me a day ago which he ignored so i just went to the living room and started playing the game to pass time. Her brothers are just lazing around and they don't really talk much so it's just her and her mom speaking.
She brings cake in the living to me and I asked "are we not going to sing happy birthday?" To which she replied " I guess you wouldn't know"and then walked away. I could hear them perfectly fine, no one sang happy birthday.
After they leave, I wanted to do one last game and asked her if she wanted to watch a movie to which she replies "you haven't paid attention to me the whole day, you just keep playing the game"
I'm pretty defensive when it comes to accusatory statements like that so it immediately put me in a bad mood. I just turned off the game and now I'm about to take a shower.
TLDR: Gf birthday today which I stayed home from school for. Hadn't slept the whole night due to waking up late the day prior. Told gf that if she makes me lay down in the bed with her and do nothing, I'm going to fall asleep. After an hour or 2 she basically tells me to go to sleep with her. Wake in the evening to her nonconversive family in the kitchen so I play games to pass time. After they leave she says I haven't paid attention to her the whole day
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 17
}
|
WRONG
|
KDEtc0oM5kA4gTAdcNF3OPQT1HRmhjli
|
anocm9
|
{
"description": "telling my parents to stop renovating the kitchen at 2am",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my parents to stop renovating the kitchen at 2AM?
|
They’re tearing down the entire kitchen for renovation. There’s no health hazard or anything that is making them want to fix it immediately. They are using loud ass drills and making a huge ass noise while people are sleeping. I tell them to finish it later but they tell me to “fuck off” (from my mom) and “fuck off im busy doing work” (from my dad). I guess im the asshole here? They started working on this at 9pm. This behaviour is normal though, like for instance, my mom has a saw in the house, in which she saws wood at 5AM because she decided to build a table with it. When i tell her to saw on a reasonable time, she tells me: “fuck off this is my house if you dont like it you can leave”.
There’s plenty of other instances but i want to keep it short and sweet.
Am i the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
zn0l2lZho4JdzvRZEXLRKjVqWquti0gf
|
9ticl7
|
{
"description": "being uncomfortable with the way my friends joke around",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being uncomfortable with the way my friends joke around?
|
I have this group of friends that I'm very close with, but one of the guys, let's call him Greg, likes to slap my ass and flick my dick. Now, for some reason, that's how a bunch of the guys joke around in my school especially Greg. It's an all boys school. It's been getting to the point where he's been doing it ~3 times a day either at school or when we go out as a group. The guy is like my brother and he sees me the same way so I guess he's really comfortable with me and assumes that I find it funny too. I called him out on it and asked him to stop. Is it weird that I asked him to stop? It's just brotherly love right? I just felt really guilty because he had no idea I wasn't comfortable with it and so I feel like I might've overreacted to the situation.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
m4IDXOAqOf14ts7An16wCK0kmOgzZiMt
|
awcgbn
|
{
"description": "blaming my parents for my academic struggles",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for blaming my parents for my academic struggles?
|
Hi, so first of all this is my first-ever Reddit post. Hope I'm doing this right.
​
So I was "homeschooled." My older siblings got much more attention than I did because they're 7+ years older than me and grouped together, my parents were younger and more patient.
​
I was never taught how to do more than very basic division and to this day am very bad at multiplication. Now, I do think I may be ADD or some other type of attention disorder because I can't find myself able to focus on anything for long, including things I enjoy. I tried a pre-algebra class between college and "highschool" but found myself staying up until 2 am nearly every night, often in tears because I was tired or frustrated. My dad tried to help me a few times but would yell in frustration when I couldn't wrap my head around something.
​
I also had to teach myself to spell and was never properly taught handwriting. My mother would get frustrated with me being distracted or unwilling and gave up after just a few times as I remember it. I learned to spell because I wrote creatively online around age 11 and still do to this day, a decade later, and to this day my handwriting looks very childish and squashed, though I'm trying to fix that. Most of the time I was taught with those comprehensive curriculum books you see at Sam's Club.
​
I did try to fill in the gaps of my education a few times, but got frustrated or bored and ended up quitting. My parents really gave up on my education when I was about eight years old after many, many threats of sending me to public school and telling me I'd be a failure in life if I didn't learn. These days if I bring up my failed elementary education my parents simply tell me, "you were too stubborn." Now could I have done more? Yeah. At the same time I feel like it would have been a pretty big thing for someone with only basic math under her belt to somehow learn the basics of algebra without any real life human to help. I'm doing pretty ok right now in my college algebra class but I think that's because I'm too tired to be anxious and my teacher is great. I'm good in other classes though.
​
Now on my parent's side, we're religious folks. I've got no qualms with my religion at all, but it was part of why they started homeschooling us, and also because I guess my oldest sister had a bad experience with public school when she was little? It's been years since I've heard the reasoning, but my mom likes to boast about how smart homeschooled kids are. All of my older siblings got into an incredibly exclusive college and I did too (but got kicked out over failing math), though I suspect it was based off their success and not my own.
​
TLDR: parents decide to homeschool bc of religion and control over material, teach siblings but get tired by the time they need to teach me but never put me in school, and I struggle academically now bc of it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
gdseg60gTmARCAED1WfXxDodUQ6QydTt
|
ahs8nd
|
{
"description": "busting my little brothers lip",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for busting my little brothers lip.
|
So this happened a few years ago when I was 17 (I’m 20 now but this has always bothered me and I’m curious what other people think).
So me and my little brother who is 4 years younger than me, were horsing around and wrestling in the living room and I went to throw him onto the couch . I wasn’t paying attention and my sister was sitting on the couch and he went flying into her knee face first and busted his lip and it bled pretty bad. My brother is a lot smaller than me I probably have at least 60-70 pounds on him but I really wasn’t trying to hurt him, to me it was an honest mistake. His lip was busted pretty bad it swelled and was bleeding a lot but we got him some ice and it didn’t seem like it was serious or anything. After a little bit the bleeding stopped and he seemed fine except for a fat lip. It was late at night when it happened and my parents didn’t wake up so I didn’t think it was a huge deal and went to sleep. The next morning my dad found out and was furious he yelled at me and called me a coward and a bully because he is so much smaller than me and I needed to be more careful. He said in his big brother and need to watch out for him and not be the one hurting him. I really wasn’t trying to hurt him but I don’t think my dads ever really let it go and I think the rest of my family is mostly pissed at me because of him constantly telling them what a coward/bully i am rather than seeing it from my point of view. My brother wasn’t really even that mad at first until until my dad got involved now he thinks I was being a bully as well and didn’t just make a mistake. Anyways I was just curious if everyone else think I’m the asshole in this situation or not.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
rwOFbijQiLBkJTEvapJimAL4JvQzm7QK
|
b099s5
|
{
"description": "wanting to spend 10+ hours a day on improving myself",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to spend 10+ hours a day on improving myself?
|
I’ve been with my girlfriend now for a little bit over a year and about 2 months ago she moved in with me. Before I met her I was in my best shape, going to the gym about 6 times a week and eating healthy. Since meeting her my gym time began to dwindle and my eating habits got worse. A part of it was spending more time with her and less at the gym, and she doesn’t have the best eating habits so I felt it was ok to loosen up my own eating habits.
When we first began dating I explained to her that my next goal in my profession was to obtain a license. The licensing process for my profession is incredibly difficult and can often take up to 3 years to complete with study time and all. I took 2 of the exams before meeting her, but failed, and it discouraged me which is why I began getting really into fitness. Throughout our relationship she always encouraged me to study and begin taking the exams again. It was hard to find the motivation to study because I already work 45 hours a week and studying for another 2 hours every day for the exams was the last thing I wanted to do. Once she moved in and I realized our relationship is progressing, I felt now is the time to study again as I want to pass these exams before we start a family.
For the last month I’ve been studying every day for about 1-2 hours a day. At the same time my responsibilities at my job grew and they have requested I put in a little extra time. On any given weekday I’m spending about 10-12 hours within my profession, this includes my actual job and studying for the exams (which she’s encouraged me to do). I am also trying to find a schedule that will let me get back into the gym because I am not happy with my body.
My gf has been unemployed since moving in 2 months ago and has just now began the process of job searching. So most of the day she stays inside cooking or cleaning. Last night I came home after a 12 hour day of work and studying and I mentioned how studying after work is better for me so I am going to try to incorporate the gym into my schedule before work. She got upset and said that I don’t spend time with her anymore and that all this studying, work, and now possibly gym is taking up my time and I’m not scheduling time for her.
I had a feeling this would happen eventually once she realized how incredibly time consuming it is to study for these exams. I explained that to block out time for her we should dedicate a day in the week for a date night. We also spend the last couple hours of the day watching her tv shows together. I have no interest in her tv shows so I sit with her in the living room so that we are at least together.
I told her this is how it’s going to be for a little while as I want to pass these exams and find time to get back into my hobbies, such as fitness, because it helps keep me happy. Am I the asshole for wanting to spend all this time to work on myself?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 24,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 33,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
sCCCMcfo2LqHvv3dpZtCpn5P177ibF5i
|
a7t7du
|
{
"description": "getting annoyed at salespeople, panhandlers and charity people",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting annoyed at salespeople, panhandlers and charity people?
|
These people piss me off however I want to make it clear. I don't berate or insult these people. I just let it be known that I'm not interested in their stuff.
I began to realize a couple of years ago that I was not assertive at all and that I've literally never needed any of the shit that these people try to give me. I will usually just smile and say no thanks and walk away. Here's some examples.
-Telemarketer calls for survey or to sell something. I usually just hang up
-Pabhandler outside store asks for change. I usually just say don't have cash or no and continue walking
-Guy tries to give me religious flyer for his Church and I say no thanks. He insists and I tell him that I'm not going to his church
-Charity people on the street asking for donations. I say no and walk away
Most people do this and it may seem normal but I usually say it with a straight face and very sternly. I usually feel bad about this and feel like I should help out with panhandlers sometimes. On the other hand, there's lots of scanners out there and I just don't want to give money to frauds or bad charities. Whenever I see these people I instantly get annoyed and frustrated but try not to make it known on my face
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ZYoILwdzWx7W5Lwtcu9cs3kkSZxHTDwY
|
b5vwb4
|
{
"description": "being angry at my partner for buying a Porsche",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being angry at my partner for buying a Porsche?
|
My partner and I have been together 5 years, we bought our first house recently and still have a lot to buy to make our house our home. After spending most of his savings on the initial fees in the process of buying the house, my partner hasn't been able to help as much with buying things that we need. We currently don't have curtains in our lounge and bedroom and the vacuum also needs replacing to list a few of the many things we need. He's the main earner in our home and I understand that he should be able to treat himself too but over the weekend he decided he would buy himself a Porsche and an insanely expensive jacket. I earn well but only a fraction of what he does and I've found myself cutting back on spending and only really spending on the things we need for the house since we moved in. AITA for feeling angry that he spent so much money on a Porsche?!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
JnuwedmRXT3cqZy82Hes3rg6l7DxwGBK
|
ay2vtv
|
{
"description": "taking the last Pizza slice",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For Taking the Last Pizza Slice?
|
[This is more of a comedic post FYI]
I have a brother. Last Saturday morning, our mom brought home pizza. My brother had eaten like 6 pizza rolls that morning already. There were 5 pizza slices, at the time I had eaten 2 and he had eaten 2. My brother whined at me for having the 3rd slice, even after I explained he basically already had pizza today, in the form of rolls. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
bpq0VxWFNdx1O5PaAQw9Fro3F4p8w8ox
|
ai8gvc
|
{
"description": "responding rudely to unsolicited advice",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for responding rudely to unsolicited advice?
|
I keep getting unsolicited advice from people about things that I already know and it pisses me off. It’s from people who have met and know me and yet feel entitled to tell me things that I already know. Most recently it was about not sucking on straws after you get your wisdom teeth out. I’m was like “yeah, no duh, it’s the first thing the dentist tells you after they finish”.
I also keep getting HORRIBLE advice about credit cards to (they keep saying to close the accounts I’ve paid off, even though it would kill my score because the accounts are old).
Same for “oh, you can sneak an extra gallon of gas into your car if you pull the handle”. Ummmm, no shit stain, when you do that on my car, it just spills out, but thanks for telling me how to gas up my car that I’ve been driving for 3 years.
I’m 35 years old and have had enough experience in life to figure a lot of things out. If I want your advice, I’ll ask.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
dC3KfdfZmGNo5GXkPgAe2dk7vs4nJjfD
|
ak82eh
|
{
"description": "telling my wife and family I have accepted my fate and will not have any more chemo and that I want to travel instead",
"pronormative_score": 403,
"contranormative_score": 46
}
|
AITA For telling my wife and family I have accepted my fate and will not have any more chemo and that I want to travel instead?
|
Im a 36 year old man with acute myeloid leukemia. The initial chemo put it into remission, but its now come back and its not stopping.
I have been on my second run of chemo for two years, and there has been little to no improvement. Just delaying the inevitable. Most people with leukemia die after 5 years. Mine is even worse.
I feel sick everyday. I used to lift regularly and now all my muscles are basically gone with excess grandma skin on my arms and legs.
I lost so much hair at the top of my head i just started shaving it off.
I cant have sex with my wife anymore, when i try i cant maintain erections. I have pissed myself multiple times over the years in my sleep. I cant eat steaks anymore because of my stomach.
I cant play with my daughters and everytime i go to one of their soccer matches i get weird looks and take all the attention off of them.
I just dont have any fight left anymore. I repeat to myself everyday, "its over, and thats ok".
The truth is i haven't accomplished much in my life. I wanted to be a writer when i was younger but i ended up as an office manager at a car dealership. I always said i would do it later but then the years sort of piled on. I had one life and i wasted it, but so do most people i guess.
I am proud of my wife and daughters. They make me very happy. They haven't accepted that its over yet but i have. My wife means well but she wants me to stay in treatment long enough to put it back into remission again. I dont see it. I just think we need to come to terms with this.
I do not just want to lay in bed all day. I want to travel for these years i have left. See the country. Maybe go to italy or japan or the uk. I want to experience this planet in ways i never thought about before.
I told my wife this and she says im being selfish and im giving up. I dont see it that way, i feel more alive now than ive felt in a long time. I feel like i have no fear of trying scary things or writing a book or travelling to a jungle.
Ive spent so many years wasted. She says she wont stick by me if i do this. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 43,
"OTHER": 190,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 213,
"INFO": 22
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 403,
"WRONG": 46
}
|
RIGHT
|
TOi8XoQ9Va6u03F5snmwS7o79BinHHuk
|
b0h5cp
|
{
"description": "annoying someone who keeps pissing me off",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA annoying someone who keeps pissing me off?
|
There’s this dude who I absolutely hate. He talked bad about me behind my back about an incident that happened a year ago. I addressed it in another AITA post but basically called someone autistic out of rage and then suffering causing a ESH situation. Anyways he had been annoying with always making excuses whenever he lost in smash bros. I said to him “no johns” and thought it was funny when he overreacted. Was it worth or not worthy revenge?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
WRONG
|
WryOoQhB3JGgoUja3mleq97i45YdOVs7
|
ast37n
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pay to repair my wife's car that her dad owns",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pay to repair my wife’s car that her dad owns?
|
So about a month ago, my father in law got into a car accident. He bought her the car about 3 years ago for $4000, a 2010 Scion XB. Since he owns my wife’s car (we live with my family) my wife gave the car to him willingly so he could get to work and we could just use my car (that my mom owns). It was only until he could get a new car and we were okay accommodating him.
Anyhow, about three weeks ago on the day that he was supposed to give us the car back he calls my wife and tells her that the car isn’t running anymore. It doesn’t go in Drive but it goes in Reverse but he was in the middle of the road and we needed to get him. So we drove down and get him, my wife takes him to work and I wait for the tow truck. We take it to the shop and an axle was broken and overall we came out paying $650 for the tow and repairs. Because we drive the car and Chicago is full of potholes, my wife and I paid it. I was reluctant but I wasn’t going to not pay for it.
A few days ago, my wife tells me that the check engine light came on so we took it to a shop and they’re telling us that the transmission is shot and to replace it. $1500 to have it done by Saturday.
So my wife and I had a back and forth this morning about how to and if we’re paying for the car. I don’t think it’s wise to have spent over half the value of the car in order to fix it, and I don’t want to pay for repairs for a car we don’t own. Repairs are basically an investment and $2000 to fix something whose value isn’t ours I don’t agree with. I told her I don’t want to pay more than 50% of the cars value in repairs since the car was already on its last legs. This is my wife’s “first” cars that’s hers so I understand the sentimentality behind it. She needs the car because her commute is 45 minutes while mine is 10 minutes. I could absolutely take the bus or ride my bike to work when the weather clears up. But she 100% needs the car, but we can’t exactly afford a new car right now. My wife and I are about to both get promoted but we’re not sure when.
The thing is I’m kind of being held at a double standard. My car is from the same year, same mileage, and also had transmission problems last year but because my mom gave me the car after 130,000 miles my mom paid for the new transmission since I couldn’t at the time (I was going through cancer treatments at the time and needed to pay for that). My wife pointed out that my car has the same problems as her car so we should fix her car, but at least we own my car since my mom gave me ownership of it after the transmission.
So am I the asshole for not wanting to pay for further repairs?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
oCO1P9QRzavnZaK3QhmOUapWJNx7bFzp
|
b3ygmh
| null |
AITA family problems
|
AITA Hello thanks for taking the time to read this.
Backstory ( my father and I have had a rocky relationship since I was getting to my mid-later teens, he also remarried around the same time. His wife has expressed her lack of fondness of me and so have her children, but seemed to be fond of my older sister. I moved out and fast forward 10 years)
I'm in apartment with my wife and her 10 year daughter and wife is pregnant with my son. My first born and it's a boy I'm happy as hell. So I reached out to my father to inform him that he is going to be a grandfather for real. He is excited also and upon reconnecting I inform him that the shit pay I was getting we were in a sketchy spot but doing ok.
My father informs me that he has a vacant house as he has purchased some for tax reasons and offered us a chance at a 2 bed 750 ft house I jumped no questions asked. The first month I ask about rent he said the renovations your doing will cover it, second month and third month all the same way the convo goes each time. (I did roughly 5k in labor and materials) two months before my son is here he evicts me saying I'm selling the house and you got 30 days to be gone.
He said while planning for his future he didn't think of us and we had to go. In this same conversation he mentioned buying a condo for my step bro and a house for my step sis. Now my head is spinning and I scrambled and found a sketchy ass trailer park and needed 2k cash or check to get it I asked him if he could get me the cash or help with a loan. He said " I don't want to have to stop or leave early for my motorcycle trip." My girls parents get me the loan and we got the trailer.
Fast forward to my son's birth, I call and offer a Olive Branch ask if he wants to see his first Grandkid. We get into it on the phone after he said "we're not going to make it.". I lost it and said some very explicit and threatening things. I don't understand why he felt it necessary to rub in as he was making me and his first Grandson homeless that he purchased the property for my step bro and sis.
I wake up in the middle of the night in fits of rage and pray for the most painful death I can fathom to find him, and some times wish it was at my hands. I can't seem to let this go but I also don't know what to do this has caused some issues mentally with me.
Am I the Asshole for not letting go?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
TPmGZofDvS4SiCAz0THqRSlLvqb3JykD
|
ao5k4a
|
{
"description": "asking my friends not to smoke in the car",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my friends not to smoke in the car?
|
Me and 6 buddies are going on a trip to France to go skiing in a few days. 3 of us don’t smoke and 4 do smoke (none of them are addicted smokers, they only smoke if there’s an occasion). Apparently, they say it’s going to be oh so great with good music (which I don’t mind) and smoking while driving, as if driving is an ideal occasion. Now, the last part I do mind - the second hand smoke makes me feel physically sick and I can feel the smoke’s visit to my lungs the following day - same goes for the other non-smokers.
When we ask them if they could do it while we stop to stretch our legs outside, they ask why, tell us non-smokers “it won’t be that bad” (yes it will, with 4 people smoking, you won’t be able to see through the damn windshield), and we should just deal with it since the majority wants to smoke.
I personally find it discourteous AF and unfair. They just won’t budge.
AITA for not wanting to deal with some second-hand smoke? Thanks.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Bd8e2a2ojUIYYYvPxcZAOMPO0jJbqUCx
|
axlilo
|
{
"description": "telling a girl I have been seeing that I won't skip the gym one day a week to see her more",
"pronormative_score": 66,
"contranormative_score": 77
}
|
AITA for telling a girl I have been seeing that I won't skip the gym one day a week to see her more?
|
Background info:
I workout 6-7 days a week. I have been for 6.5 years and well before she was a part of my life, and in fact, my body is likely (though she'd never admit it) what attracted her in the first place.
Lifting is my main hobby. Outside of working (currently ~8:30am-6pm Monday-Saturday, normal hours 9-5 M-F) it's really the only thing I consistently do on a daily basis. I love it, it makes me happy, and it's really the only hobby I have. By the time I get back from the gym it's 8:30-9pm and I'm tired and lay in bed with my cat and watch Netflix until I pass out. I hangout with her either Friday or Saturday night every week.
So, this girl I have been seeing for about a year now brings up the other day how she's been getting "weird vibes" from "people and her family" about how I don't see her enough. She then transitions that to "can you skip the gym one day a week to see me more". I think she already knew I wasn't going to do that-- she knows me, she knows I don't skip unless I have to. But I told her, no, and now she's been being a dick and ice cold for the past 3 days and giving shit about how she "sees where my priorities are" and how she's going to "stop giving a fuck because that's what I want".
I don't think I'm being unreasonable. As I said, it's really my only consistent hobby and I even told her I'd never expect her to skip something weekly that she really cared about. I told her I could even understand if she wanted me to do it occasionally, but to expect me to do it once a week is ludicrous to me.
I understand her intention for the question is just because she wants to see me more which is great, but I don't think she should be treating me like such an asshole for telling her it's not really something I'm willing to do.
Reddit, am I the asshole?
**TL;DR: I workout pretty much daily and girl wants me to start skipping to see her more**
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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|
awgr4r
|
{
"description": "not wanting to spend all of my time with my gf",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to spend all of my time with my GF ?
|
So my gf and I will be together for 6 months on the 4th of Mars. We are in the same class in college (We are French, so it probably doesn't work like in the other countries; sorry for my english too), and we only dated for a week before becoming a couple. She's extremely cute and funny, and I really think that I love her.
But we don't live together and for the moment, we can't, as we are living in student appartments (cheap, 9m² rooms), not in the same zone (she lives like 5 minutes from me though).
And she always want me to go spend the evening with her and sleep at her place, which was okay, until i started going to the gym. You see, i'm a little overweight and while I easily joke about it with friends, my belly is kind of my sensitive spot. I'm going to the gym with the two other guys of our group of friend, and we're often going in the morning because one of my friend works on the afternoon. And every single time I sleep at my GF's place, she asks me "You're sure you wanna go ?" which pisses me off, as she doesn't seem to understand that i'm doing this for my health, not to escape from her.
She also complained that I visited her less often that before, which is true. But everytime i go to her place, we sit in her bed watching movies, laugh a little and barely have any sex, and we're starting to argue more and more about crap. And the problem is that we're seeing eachother every single day of college, every single class. And she alwas has to sit next to me (I don't care, I mean, I still love her weither she's next to me or 10 row away).
So sometimes, I just want to spend time alone or with friends over discord, playing, drawing or writing stuff, instead of doing virtually nothing at her place.
So, am I the asshole for not wanting to spend all of my free time with her ?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a099uo
|
{
"description": "not responding to a girls posts on social media about her having mental breakdowns on a regular basis",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not responding to a girls posts on social media about her having mental breakdowns on a regular basis
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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azrxxs
| null |
AITA
|
Hi. I (28m) work full time and live with my so(26f) and our 3 y/o son. My so only does the bare minimum in house cleaning/child care to keep the bugs/mice from showing up. I am by no means a neat freak but would like to come home to a decent enough house(I pay all bills) and not have to pay to have someone else (daycare) potty train our son and do a real cleaning of our home. Anyways threatening to make her move out gets her off the couch and away from staring at her phone or smoking weed (I do it to) but it only lasts for about a week and she goes right back to lazy. Am I the asshole here and would I be even more of one to actually kick her out for a bit to get it to stick(I would never actually leave her unless I had no other choice)?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
b7ez2s
|
{
"description": "limiting my son's YouTube time and causing huge tantrums and family drama",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for limiting my son's YouTube time and causing huge tantrums and family drama?
|
A little background: I'm 33, my kids mother is 35, my son is 3 and he'll be 4 in July. We barely even knew each other when she got pregnant. She was a hook up. It was irresponsible and I regret it but I love my son.
I've been pretty distant off and on since his birth because we can't manage to get along. Lately I've made a huge attempt to get my life straight and the result is I get to stay at her apartment on my days off just to spend time with him. I do work around her house and we watch movies together. Things are actually going really well.
For the last three months I've been keeping my mouth shut so as to not start fights. Last year she decided to punish me by skipping every holiday. Around Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, she refused to pick up her phone. Starting in January I pretended it didn't happen and we "started over".
So here's the problem: all he ever wants to do is watch YouTube. And she let's him. It is literally his babysitter. I waited a long time to do anything about it but it has just gotten worse. I wanted to avoid the argument. I want to see him on his birthday. But I have finally had enough. He woke up from a nap the other day and immediately picked up her phone. I said it was enough and took it away. Que the screaming tantrum. She said "just give it to him I have a headache and I have homework". I put my foot down and said he needs social interaction and exercise. She comes back with "he gets both of those at school. He is student of the month, has the highest grades in his class, and if he wants YouTube he can have it, besides, I limit him to 3 hours a day". I was at a loss for words. Three. Fucking. Hours. Around this time her father walks in and wants to know why my son is freaking out and we're arguing. I explained that I took the phone away and why and he actually agreed with me. He even admitted that he was guilty of it, too. I stole a glance at his mother and she was giving me the shittiest death glare I've ever seen. Now she's punishing her father by limiting his time with my son and she's been speaking to him like he's retarded. He and I both know why. So now my son gets out of school at 3pm. Watches YouTube for an hour or two, takes a nap, does it again, then goes to bed. Once in a while he'll play with toys or ask to go to the playground. I have started taking the phone away. Every single time he kicks and screams and throws himself on the ground. He's even said "daddy isn't my friend anymore" which I laughed about and said I love you anyway but honestly it fucking hurt.
So now I'm back in the doghouse, the father is suffering for it, and my son doesn't even like spending time with me.
Should I just let him enjoy his cartoons? Am I going overboard with parenting when I haven't really been in the picture? Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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9whhpy
|
{
"description": "being upset that my brake line broke a month after I had my brakes fixed",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset that my brake line broke a month after I had my brakes fixed?
|
I brought my car in to fix the A/C and was told I needed the back brakes replaced. A less than a month later, I'm driving on the highway and I push on the brake. I get resistance and then it gives out. Luckily, I was not going 70 or rolling into an intersection when it happened. To be clear, I get no resistance when I put my foot on the pedal but if I push the pedal to the metal, it will roll to stop and stay there. I called the auto shop and they said that it is likely the brake line. On the phone, and later talking to them they are acting like the car is "complicated" with "lots of parts" and "these things happen".
​
If I bring you my car, and say "fix the brakes" aren't you going to check the brake line?! I understand that cars are complicated, but isn't that why I brought it to them? If this just "something that happens" wouldn't people's brake lines be breaking all the time and rolling them into traffic?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
b3015j
|
{
"description": "making my friend feel like she had to exit out relationship",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for making my friend feel like she had to exit out relationship?
|
So my friend and I have been friends since 5th grade. We were close ever since and we had always be each other’s shoulder to cry on. We kinda lost touch during 6th and 7th grade but got back together during 8th. After Graduation, we started talking to each other everyday since October. Instagram, Snapchat, Google Hangouts, Discord and all that Jazz. I thought we were inseparable. Sure we would have our falling outs from time to time and I would do/say things that made her upset and she would do the same, we’ve had our fair share of arguments together, it’s apart of life. But recently I got back into HTTYD (How to train your dragon) because of the third movie. And me being me just had my thoughts all over it. I’m very prone to Hyper-fixation. See she doesn’t hate HTTYD, she just hates when I get overly fixated on stuff. She asked me why I was crazy over it and I explained that it’s my childhood and that I was sad that the franchise was ending and the fact that I was never going to see Hiccup and Toothless again. She told me to be a realist and that I could just re-watch the movies, I agreed with her but I also told her that I felt that I should be able to grieve in my own time. She started making fun of me for it and personally I didn’t appreciate it but I just brushed it off. Sunday, we were having a conversation about cartoons and I mentioned How to train your dragon and how I felt that she shouldn’t mock me because I felt emotional about the series and how it’s my opinion and she should respect that like I respect hers. She then promptly hung up on me and told me that this was utter trash and then started spewing personal things that had nothing to do with it and how I’m a ditz who thinks she’s better than her and how she wasn’t going to talk to me later. So I vented to our mutual friend about how I felt about the whole ordeal and he told her that I came to him (I’m not mad at him, I think he was just trying to be helpful) So she said that she was even more pissed at me and not to expect her to talk to me tonight. So I said “M’kay, see you tomorrow.” A few hours later, I’m with my dad, going to Portillo’s (A local restaurant chain in my state) So I check my insta while we’re driving and I’m met with a paragraph explaining that I stress her out and that she didn’t want to talk to me anymore and that she blocked me on every social media we had together. So I eat with my dad, he takes me home, and I start crying in my room. I’m still flip-flopping between feeling guilty and feeling betrayed.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
xB0MZxctHxanRktmKAwGtIqYYVnFs8Wi
|
9xqxxe
|
{
"description": "not taking my friends side and living with his ex",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not taking my friends side and living with his ex?
|
So I was living with my friend in NYC, and he decides he wants to live with his girlfriend. So we all decide to split a 2 bedroom apartment and split the rent evenly. They had been together for many years, so I assumed everything would be fine. A few months in, it comes out that he's been cheating on her. They break up, she installs a lock on her door and throws all his stuff out in the common area.
They both approach me about living without the other and paying for the others rent for the remainder of the lease, and I'm conflicted. On the one hand, he's my friend and has been for a while. On the other, I have a strong stance on cheating (which I've told him about before). I've been cheated on and it sucks. I could imagine it sucking even more if you're getting kicked out of your place. So I try to stay as neutral as possible. I tell them that who moves out is between them, but I'm not moving because of someone else's relationship ending.
After sleeping on the couch for a few weeks, he finds a new place and moves out. I help him move out, still talk to him and hang out, but he feels like I've betrayed him. This was a really complicated situation, and I tried to stay neutral. But was I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
MRQOAYOdID1zgd93k51t3c3P4yVi18eR
|
almvds
|
{
"description": "saying I'm broke",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for saying I’m broke?
|
My friends and I are all in a similar situation, where we are all in our mandatory military service, but because most of us are non-combat soldiers, it’s like a job that provides us with housing and most of our meals, and we get about $300 a month. For most people, this is about as much as they spend a month for weekends when we go out and for food etc. I limit myself to about $200 a moth, $100 goes into my savings. Before I started my service I saved up about $4K, and I’m keeping that in my savings because I have plans for after my service that I’d like to do as soon as possible, and that won’t be possible without a decent amount of money. I have had months where I went a bit over budget so that I could go out and do things, but I’ve mostly stuck to it very well.
Towards the last week of every month, I’m always a little tight on budget, so I always say that I’m broke or that I’ve spent too much money this month, or that I can go out but I don’t want to drink or spend too much money.
One of my friends found out how much money I have in my savings, and apparently it’s probably more than any of my other friends, so now they all say that me saying I don’t have money to spend is me being stingy or bragging, because I have more than them. Obviously it’s my money and I get to do what I like with it, but am I wrong that I’m stopping myself so strictly? I’d also like to add that I’m an impulsive buyer so the struct budget helps me not buy too many unnecessary things.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
IfQg5AfOcJJgb1oXCfvexEhyZGpEDnJZ
|
b46d8w
|
{
"description": "feeling offended that a close friend would not eat in my home",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for feeling offended that a close friend would not eat in my home?
|
I’ve moved into a home for the first time that is truly nice, after getting married. It has been my dream to entertain at home for a long time, we take it seriously and it is a real joy to share what we have and have a nice time with people we love.
One of my closest friends and his wife (I’ve been close with them both for over a decade, him for much longer) came to visit. They also love to entertain. They’ve had us over for dinner and to stay in their home countless times. They know what it means to host. Actually, I learned a lot of what I know about hosting from them.
When I said “let us cook you dinner” on the phone while setting it up earlier that day, my friend said “no, let us just bring Thai.” My wife has a sensitive stomach and eating prepared food doesn’t always agree with her, so cooking at home is always the preference. I replied that we have a lot of food that fits their dietary restrictions, it would be our pleasure to make them a meal and have a nice night in our home. He said his wife would not eat anything we prepared, that it’s a weird thing with her, we just need to order Thai.
A good host respects their guests needs. So at first I agreed. I didn’t know this quirk, but ok. Thai, then.
But then I started thinking about all the dinner parties in houses these people have told me about. They eat at other people’s houses almost weekly.
They arrived, we provided appetizers with drinks, she ate them. We ordered Thai. Waited an hour and were starving. There was a mistake with Grubhub, and we would not be delivered the food. My wife threw together a quick and simple meal, which my friend ate and loved. His wife, literally stumbling drunk at this point from drinking cocktails with no food since lunch (which she ate out—she does restaurants, and other peoples’ houses), refused to eat, and became hangry and snappy at her husband, who was hurt and embarrassed. They left.
And I’m left feeling really offended. We’re clean people. We have food for every diet. We wanted to share our one of our simplest pleasures with people who know exactly how nice it is to host your friends. What am I missing here? Am I the asshole for feeling like maybe these people aren’t really friends at all, or at least not the kind of friends you invite to your home? Help me let go of this grudge, or of them.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
xcBatndgZ1GIPGE7Sy5EDPFjLhpMouqW
|
an2p1q
|
{
"description": "getting angry",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting angry
|
I would like to preface this post by saying, I get don’t get very angry and try not to but when I am angry I am super angry. My uncle loved cars and owned a golf kart when he was alive. He gave it to us when he died and it means a lot to my dad and me. We “tricked it out”, we really just took off the governors to make to go faster and some other visual modifications. Yesterday was the first warm day we’ve had in a while and I decided to drive it around the neighborhood. This couple lives 4 houses down from me with 4 kids, 3 boys and 1 girl all below 10 years old but not by much. The girl is really sweet and wouldn’t hurt a fly but the boys are obnoxious and annoying. Something to keep in mind, the golf cart’s seats are leather and should never get wet. I was driving along their side of the road when the three boys come out and throw snowballs at me, they miss and I pull over to say stop and it’s not safe. I drive by their house again and they throw snowballs again. I tell them to stop a little more firmly and drive off again. I drive by once more and they throw snowballs AGAIN. At this point I’m plenty pissed and pull over to hurriedly wipe the snow off the wind shield and the seats. The parents were watching them do this and as I pull over this transaction occurs
Parents: you sure are brave
Me: *visibly pissed* yeah okay
Parents proceeded to throw snowballs purposely hit me and the seats. I can forgive the kids because kids are kids and their attitude depends on how they were raised. But the parents should have acted like adults, apologized for their kids and not thrown snowballs. I drive off, flipping them the bird and drive home. So, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Cft8X3IYqyqkY9Bl1862rVy6evwMXBA0
|
ald29d
|
{
"description": "wanting to quick a player out of our dnd sessions",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to quick a player out of our dnd sessions?
|
So I DM Dungeons and Dragons (A table top rpg) For a group of 6 people. We usually met up before water polo practice every single Friday, 3 hours prior to said practice and then proceed to go all toghter to it. So they all have their issues as players, as I do as a DM, but I think that is normal. But one of them really bothers me. Lets call him Bush. Mr Bush shows up to half of the sessions. I understand that life comes first, look I get that. But skipping the sessions to play fortnite?( I have hard evidence of that)... and when he does show up he does not roleplay, and just tried to screw my story, maybe unintentionally but still. This problem has been going on for 2 months now and I have discussed this with him. He told me would comeback when we finished this story arc. Guess what. He skipped the session aswell. And, as you can imagine, it gets kinda bothersome for me having to make up excuses for him going in and out of sessions, story wise. I have discussed this with the players, they sort of agree with me, but don't want to take decisive steps. So I came to reddit to make a self asshole check, just to understand if I am not being righteous here. Reddit AITA
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
PoxsnRyfAXfHHhSNW5i9Hvz9piiU2zQy
|
a2it5i
|
{
"description": "taking some lady's water cup away when she put soda in it even though I've never enforced that rule before",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for taking some lady’s water cup away when she put soda in it even though I’ve never enforced that rule before?
|
Background info: I work at McDonald’s and at our McDonald’s we give out courtesy water cups. Obviously you can’t put soda in these water cups and we can take the cups away for stealing said soda. However, I’ve never enforced the rule before because frankly I don’t care that much and the cups are so small that you’re hardly stealing anything.
Yesterday, on the other hand, I was in a particularly bad mood and was taking orders on front counter when some old-ish lady came up and made a really big order, was super slow (holding up the line,) and was pretty rude. She also asked for a water cup and I gave it to her but when she came back I noticed that it was bright green “water.” I was pissed off this time, I took a minute to decide if I really wanted to do this and I decided I really wanted to.
I walked over to her and said the cups are only for water and she was resistant at first. “I accidentally put a bit of lime in my water,” she responded with (which was a bold-faced lie.) “Ok... you’re still not supposed to do that.” I said, trying to be polite. She didn’t respond and I took the cup and dumped it out.
Later, she came back for a water cup while someone else was working front counter but fortunately I noticed her. I said, “I’m sorry, but you cannot have a water cup.” “Why not?” “You lost the privilege to have a water cup. Thank you, bye.” That was the end of it.
Honestly, I felt great but I was thinking today, was I actually the one being the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
PNteY8Du81mV9yQTaMS53ewYpUEnvnjo
|
9zvkwg
|
{
"description": "seeking counsel against a professor",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for seeking counsel against a professor?
|
## Sought counsel against a professor am I the asshole?
📷
I'm a graduate student in computer science in United States.
My institution has a professor who is known for being less than cordial when dealing with students.
Let me put this into perspective.
At my institution, it is required that a professor offer at least 4 hours a week to answer questions and to offer assistance when needed. One on one time, professor to student.
He complies with this yes, but states that he will only offer a 15 min maximum for helping students, even if there is no queue outside of his office. Not breaking the rules, but not helping either.
If you somehow find yourself in these to the fifteen minutes, or happen to take one of the classes that only he teaches for the entire department, his personality makes him *literally* unapproachable.
Here are a few examples:
1. During office hours, a student from my class asked him several questions regarding an assignment. He belittled her for not understanding a concept then sent out without a proper explanation. She left in tears.
2. During presentations, he will go out of his was to humiliate you in front of your peers and dismiss any counter- arguments you may have against his claim without given reason.
In conjunction with this, he puts students at jeopardy with his grading:
1. The content of the assignment noted previously was used as a basis for a prototype that we had to present in class. It was assigned early into the semester and still has yet to been graded, meaning that feedback for a prototype that took weeks to produce is nonexistent (Double Jeopardy for that grade).
2. This assignment was also the basis for advanced documentation that too has yet to be graded (Triple jeopardy for that grade due to not being able to make corrections).
This is something that I could not take lightly. I am a good student (above a 3.6 GPA) and anything that will put my scholarship in jeopardy has me seething.
So I snapped, I met with several of my professors and told them my case. I used them as a sounding board to see if my frustration held any clout and if they were in agreement with my finds (Several of my classmates also joined me to voice their claim).
An email was sent to the dean of my department by both my professors so that I could remain anonymous.
I feel like I may have cost him his job and I am remorseful.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
n154h8eHCrxfa2LHZgJ6qPOscRW7ksdo
|
aod1bz
|
{
"description": "accepting another job, after already accepting another one",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for accepting another job, after already accepting another one?
|
No legal advice needed, just moral judgement please.
Accepted a job offer in one country, great pay, but very isolated and small community, about 4 months ago. I have also led these guys along the past couple of months by getting together immigration paperwork. They have been expected me for a while.
Recently had a unexpected possibility of a job offer in another country, greater pay, not as good work life balance, in a big city I have dreamed of living in.
If offered the latter, AITA for taking it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
gCSsmdIW9NSqF5KmyrGc0KDC6nKjAB7g
|
b47tk5
|
{
"description": "blocking him",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for blocking him?
|
So I have this friend who I've known for like 7 years. Recently I've started playing different games and one of those was splatoon. He doesnt like it and wants me to play other game. So he starts just being a dick and just insulting me and all I do is ask him to apologize. He says he doesnt see a reason to and thinks it childish and stupid so I said if he cant even apologize then why should he be my friend, so I blocked him. Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
WVKRy8nlsfBb0mJAbtwjCtMCEG5dvAh4
|
b5hads
|
{
"description": "telling my gf to leave",
"pronormative_score": 31,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for telling my gf to leave?
|
I’ve been with this girl for the past 4 years. She has broken up with me for the 4th time yesterday morning. Each breakup is something different each time.
The first time she wasn’t ready to move. The second time I confronted her about her flirting with another girl and she got mad. The third time she said she was scared because the next step was marriage and she wasn’t ready for that. And yesterday morning she broke up with me and said we were toxic.
She doesn’t make enough money to pay half of rent and she doesn’t have a whole lot of friends where we live.
Still, I told her she needed to get her stuff and move out. She asked me to give her some time but I don’t think I should be on her schedule when she has done this to me for four years now.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 29,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 31,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
RIGHT
|
toNDRQIA0eMDQyriye5qzZWfD7eDZNOj
|
a0e8hd
|
{
"description": "not letting my neice bring her friends into my home",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
Aita for not letting my neice bring her friends into my home?
|
My neice has come to stay with me for a while for a new start. She has done well starting work but she is feeling lonely. She has asked if her friends can stay.
Now i do want her to have friends and make new ones but i am not keen on the idea of her friends constantly staying over.
I like my privacy and quiet (im also autistic so need alone time to recharge) mine and my partners friends ( who we have known for years) come over now and then but never stay over.
I have suggested to her as i work in a hotel they could stay there and she can stay with them at the hotel when they visit so i have my peace and can relax. if she makes friends here as well she can visit them too and nothing wrong with her going back home to see her friends on a weekend when she isnt working.
I would also rather she introduces me to her friends away from the house so i can get used to them and see if i would be comfortable letting them in my house.
I dont want to be mean to her i dont want my home to be a prison but i also dont want loads of people coming and going in my house. She got pretty upset about it.
Am i being an asshole? Does anypne have any other suggestions that could help?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
3Und10eVcRI19gDrzFkQtmRrJdwnWyvU
|
9yhj4m
|
{
"description": "not spending enough time with my friend and potentially using him",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not spending enough time with my friend and potentially using him?
|
Throwaway account for this one :)
Okay so a bit of context here. I was at my friend's (let's call him Friend 1) house last week for 3 days and we were both working these 3 days (he works in a grocery store and I work online so I can take my work with me when I travel). He lives 4 hours away by car which is considered a very long journey in my culture but I visit him every other week and the odd time he will come see me. One of our mutual friends (let's call him Friend 2) was also there as he also had work in this particular area.
One of the nights, me and Friend 2 decide to travel into the city to visit another friend (he's not involved but you can call him friend 3 if you like :)) as Friend 2 and I had both finished work early. Friend 1 was still in work but I invited him to come with us despite this. The city is an hour away so it's not impossible for Friend 1 to get the bus if he wanted to join. (Perhaps this is an ass hole thing to do?)
I told him we would be in the city for 6pm and he finished work at 6.30pm. He told me not to worry about it and we should just go on ahead. So I thought no problem and we did that. When we arrived in the city it was 6pm and I got call from his dad (Friend 1) asking if I could pick him up at 6.30. I told him I wouldn't be there in time to get him, as it was an hour drive and that I wanted to stay to see Friend 3 but I could make the drive back if he needed the lift. But his dad said it wasn't a problem.
Moving on, we had a great time in the city and then arrived back at Friend 1's house at 12.30am. So not super late but I can understand that we were late back. I should point out at this point that neither Friend 1s Mum or Dad work, they are a little old but by no means elderly. And Friend 1 did have work at 10.30am so he would still be getting a very decent sleep but again I can understand that this may have been an ass hole thing to do on my part.
Anyway, me and Friend 2 get some food and try to be as quiet as we can (which in fairness was probably still pretty loud) and head to bed. Me and Friend 2 are in the same room while Friend 1 slept in the couch, which was nice of him. But friend 2 snores an awful lot but that's beside the point :) We decided to watch some Spongebob.
About 30 seconds in, Friend 1 storms into the room, jumps on the bed and turns off the projector and PlayStation (which we were using to watch Spongebob) then jumps off the bed and tells us to "Never use his shit again without his permission". We were a little shaken up by this but thought "fair enough, he's tired, let's keep the noise down."
At this point, I wanted to stuff it and just drive home. Either way we decided to tidy the room a little and began to pack our belongings.
Friend 1 bursts in again and says "I'm up at 9.30 tomorrow... I want you both gone before I leave." then leaves the room.
At this point I'm thinking "Screw this, we're leaving."
We're both half way out the door then friend 1 stops us and apologises. There's a lot of emotions flying around the room but I still want to leave. Friend 2 wanted to stay and he convinced me that maybe we should stay for the sake of Friend 1. So we stayed.
Now make of that what you will but, I do think it was an overreaction and he did apologise. We've been good friends for a number of years and it was very unexpected. But I am struggling to trust him again and I'm not sure if I ever will.
I have tried texting him a couple of times but he has left me on read and hasn't replied to any of my messages.
In friends 1 defence, he said he felt he was being used by us for staying over and stuff. Which I can understand but it was all because of our trip to the city which I had told him about a week before we even arrived.
It's difficult for me because I have consistently made the journey to visit him when he needed help with one thing or another and not it is apparent that that isn't going to be reciprocated or even acknowledged perhaps.
So am I the ass hole for feeling a little betrayed and even a little used myself and wanting to distance myself a little for a while? Or our my actions completely unreasonable?
Thanks guys :)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
WRONG
|
EPapjCHbPgplqXnoSpfq4Gshqdvwi5vx
|
aaesd7
|
{
"description": "not wanting my dad to human squat me instead of using weights",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I don’t want my dad to human squat me instead of using weights?
|
My dad wants to use my mom and I as human weights for squats. The issue is it’s really uncomfortable position to be held in while he’s squatting and my mom and I don’t want to do it, but when we don’t do it he has a hissy fit. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Fl1q9hx4pell1r10RVVp6oror8FtWujP
|
atdkw4
|
{
"description": "being angry with my teammate",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being angry with my teammate?
|
AITA?
I'm on a college sports team.
A few months ago, I came out as gay when we were playing Truth or Dare. Everyone seemed pretty ok about it at first and reacted positively because I'm fairly reserved and don't share much about my personal life, so they were happy that I was opening up to them. On the same night, one of my teammates, let's call her Annie, came out as bi. She exclusively talks about her attraction to men when she's around other people on the team but does stuff like take selfies licking straight team members and pantomime kissing them.
After I came out, things were weird between me and Annie. She will greet half the team with a hug but when I offered her a hug, she refused and said "I'm not a hugger." She once asked if anyone wanted to do partner stretching and when I offered, she said that she felt "uncomfortable." When she would go to hand me something, she would drop it before I could get hold of it and then apologize too much. I tried to ignore this because it was small enough that I was willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.
On the bus ride back from a competition, Annie was "educating" another teammate about what it was like to be bi. I heard her saying "When a straight guy and a straight girl make out, that has to mean something, but when a lesbian makes out with a straight girl or two bi girls make out, that doesn't have to mean anything. They can just be friends." and then "Lesbians don't have types." I approached her and said, "Hey, I think you might have some misconceptions." and she accused me of eavesdropping on her and she said that she could never say anything offensive because she was bi.
The next day, I texted her and asked if we could talk. I wanted to explain why I was hurt by what she said. She kept pushing the meeting later and later, then said "this situation is making me very anxious" and reported me to the captain. We met with the captain and Annie refused to apologize. She blamed me for "being too insecure" and said that she was angry with how I handled the situation. She said that I was taking things completely out of context and that she was offended that I would say that she had said something offensive. She refused to talk to me or practice with me for a week. (I've been having to train with the men's team because of this). Then, when we did practice together, she accused me of trying to hurt her (it's a contact sport). She is now back to refusing to talk to me.
One of my other teammates has also heard Annie saying things about how relationships between women don't count. This other teammate reported these comments to the captain, who said she would do something after the championships. The championships are over, but our captain hasn't done anything and Annie is still acting like I don't exist. Who's in the wrong here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
OZy7Enu28MbpJ7X0ja49nzZYQExmJa5x
|
a4x7by
|
{
"description": "removing my assigned partners name from our project causing her to fail the class and most likely get kicked out of school",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for removing my assigned partners name from our project causing her to fail the class and most likely get kicked out of school?
|
So i'm a senior CS major who is on track to graduate this spring. One of the classes I took this year was an advanced computer operating systems class that required us to build a OS for our final project. The class has been a good experience and while it was extremely tough, I enjoyed it. This is where Karen comes in.
​
I met Karen a year ago in a computer architecture class and I've disliked her since. She is lazy and barely passes every class she takes. I took a class with her last summer and from what her lab partners said about her, she did nothing on their projects.
​
So when our final projects were coming the teacher decided to have us work in pairs on our OS's and present them together. I was unfortunately assigned Karen as my partner. I asked the teacher if I could work alone but she insisted I try and make it work.
​
As I expected, Karen did nothing. For the past month I have worked my ass off while she has blown me off countless times and refused to do anything. Towards the due date I decided to remove all the code I did from the shared drive and she freaked out. She sent me harassing texts and calls. She also left a very threatening voice mail saying she would report me to the teacher and claim she did all the work.
​
Well, the day after I went to the teacher and showed her all the work I had done and the texts/voicemail. I gave her copies of all of them and she told me I could remove her name from the project and present it myself. Well, last week Karen learned she would be receiving a 0 on the project and failing the class. Since then she has been trash talking me to everyone claiming I "cheated her."
​
Along with that, today I was informed that my teacher went to the administration with the texts and voicemail. Along with this, another student has reported her for degrading posts on social media. I was called in today to talk to the head of the department. I told him I didn't want her to get in trouble but apparently she is going to get kicked out now.
​
​
​
Despite what I think about her I feel really bad. I pretty much ruined her life now. I really don
​
t think she should be kicked out of school for this stupid this. Am I wrong though? Did I do the right thing going to the teacher? Is there anything I can do to maybe stop her from getting kicked out if I am wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
kUmNiODG5GWwQI3F3qHldxTi97u7Ek5r
|
aefwij
|
{
"description": "not wanting to read my friend's book",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to read my friend's book?
|
So my friend (known each other about 1.5 years) wrote and very recently published a book, which is totally amazing and a real accomplishment. I've given plenty of congrats and listened all along the process. I bought the book right away (pre ordered even), but I can't seem to bring myself to read it.. It's not a genre I'd normally pick up and it's long (which is great for a book that interests me, but isn't appealing in this case) and the first in a series and I just don't really want to read it...
I can tell my friend is kind of hoping for feedback (hasn't asked outright) but would really probably like it.. Though my friend has gotten plenty of great feedback from family and other friends etc already, so it's not like I'm the only person and they're waiting for my insight.
I feel bad about this and like I am being lame for not just sucking it up and reading it.. But I mean, we're all busy and I have so many books I actually have chosen to read already.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
ArPP9psIRiEo8wrVSaI9eCaRWsi8IZIR
|
9uxbel
|
{
"description": "watching particular video game youtube/twitch channels and not buying the game myself",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for watching particular video game youtube/twitch channels and not buying the game myself?
|
To further elaborate myself:
Is it morally wrong for me to only consume any gaming contents via social media and user-created contents, without me purchasing and playing the game myself?
Does my action hurt the developers/publisher? I don’t, by any means, illegally download any games and play them. For some single player games i would rather watch other content creators’ lets play and leave it at that rather than buying the game myself and playing it
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
TL7I7JiGINq1SHZAnCKt63rON5FRjJSH
|
b3x07k
|
{
"description": "parking on one of the parking spot lines when the driver next to me is well over the line",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For parking on one of the parking spot lines when the driver next to me is well over the line?
|
Small backstory, I'm in high school, and my school has about a 5-7:1 driving students to parking spot ratio, so when you see a parking spot, you take it. I do drive, and my car is an SUV of sorts and larger than most other cars at my school.
This morning when I got to school, I went to see if there were any parking spots available, and I did manage to find one. On one side there is someone parked perfectly fine, and on the other there is somebody who decided it would be a good idea to park at an angle and take up about a quarter of the parking space I was about to try and get into. I tried to back in, so I could make sure I could still get out, and I got my trunk about an inch away from the angled car. My car ended up being on the line on the other side; the only part that sticks out from the parking spot is my mirror, but my tires are covering about half of the line. The car that's parked fine has only the driver in it, no passengers. I also have not parked on the line before, and have never seen either driver or car before.
When I got back to my car at the end of the day both cars were gone and there was a note on my windshield that reads, "Park inside the lines next time asshole!!!!" (Yes, they did put four exclamation points)
So am I the asshole for parking on the line when that was the best anyone could do?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
R2IYiUZjmly9fjVfJcmtQOgUjHiaXpj8
|
aza3f1
|
{
"description": "calling an older black guy out on his hate of my breed of dog and comparing it to racism",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 46
}
|
AITA for calling an older black guy out on his hate of my breed of dog and comparing it to racism?
|
I was at a huge parade today with my dog who is a pit bull type breed. We were sitting on the sidewalk away from the crowds working on sit and down with distractions like other dogs/people and many loud noises.
An older black man opened his door about 5 feet from us so I got up and stepped another 5 feet away saying something like “sorry sir he’s friendly” the guy said “ that’s a pit bull, I don’t like them, they can’t be trusted!” to which I responded, “isn’t that like me saying I don’t like black people, they can’t be trusted?” He looked surprised and backpedaled saying “I only like little dogs” I then said “I’m sorry you feel that way” so Reddit am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 46,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 46
}
|
WRONG
|
plcEAFLy7bx7CB9qh5FBf4X3YQ1qsM1o
|
ahumqd
|
{
"description": "ignoring my ex boyfriend for not texting me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA I ignored my ex boyfriend for not texting me
|
Here is some well needed background infomation; me and my boyfriend at the time have been dating for 2 years near the end of our relationship i felt like we stopped texting alot and when i brought the issue up with him he would always brush it off, it came to a point where i sent him a playlist of chill beats with titles such as We dont talk anymore, lost in touch, ect. And other song titles like that. A part of the reason we brokw up is because we barley talked anymore(we go to the same school). We both agreed we would be friends thought.
Since september of last year till a few days ago i have been ignoring my ex boyfriend because he doesnt text me, he said that everything was cool between us but to me there wasnt. I would tell him and he would say everything is fine, i would talk to him in the halls but he would ignore me and i would shoot him a text and he would just see it and not replay for hours later but i would see he had been online at or a few momments before. It hurt me because he knew a part of the reason we broke up was because of communication and than he would say everything is fine.
Anyway i would get ignored so i decided to give him a tast of his own medition by ignoring him at school and not texting him, i do this for a while and my friend told me that my ex was confused why i was ignoring him. Me and my ex talked about it and agreed everything was fine but the same thing would happen, i would get ignored so i would ignore back.
Anyway FF to a week ago, everything is a bit better now. I was eating lunch with my ex and our friend and my friend ask if i seen his art recently and i havnt (we are all artist and showing each other our art is a normal thing to do so i was hurt i didnt see any of his) and than he says to my friend "oh hey wanna go to my house later" and im in tears because 1) he knows i want to text him and he doesnt text me 2) im kinda sad we arent close anymore. My friend ask if im okay cause tears are kinda running down my eyes and my ex does nothing.
Ff yesterday i stopped ignoring my ex because i wanna be his friend and act like eveything is okay because i want to be friends again, am i an asshole for what i did?
( also sorry i have bad punctuation and grammer/spelling)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
INFO
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
SBsRWtZO55ZCTQwpHSL7zNX7jFI3IxBi
|
awxxxr
|
{
"description": "refusing to drive",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to drive?
|
I spent a week about four hours away from our home city with a friend. We’ll call her Sara. We took her car and she drove. We spent an amazing week together.
But the last two nights she forced me to go to clubs while I was tired and all I wanted to do was going back to the hotel to sleep. Since we only had one key and she was being so insistant, i finally agreed to go with her. But because of it we only slept about 2-3 hours each night for the last two nights, which resulted in me being really tired especially the last day (I’ll add that she is used to not sleeping a lot when I always sleep at least 8 hours). As it was the last day of our holiday we had to go away from our hotel and go home.
But when we got to the car, Sara gave me her car keys and said “You drive this time because I have a cold”. I told her that I didn’t want to drive because I didn’t sleep enough and I was really tired and didn’t want to put ourselves in danger. She started to yell at me that I was being really selfish and didn’t make any effort to understand her, that I was lying and just being lazy.
I answered that I would never lie to her because she is my friend and I was afraid to fall asleep while driving and didn’t want to put us (and the other cars) in danger. I offered two options: we stay in the car, sleep 2-3 hours, have a coffee and then I’ll drive home or she starts driving for 2 hours while I sleep then she stops and I drive the last two hours. But she was still mad and yelled at me to get in the car and that she was driving home but it was the last time we would see each other.
Since she had decided to finally drive and I was so tired, I fell asleep during about one and a half hours. When I woke up I offered to stop so I could take her place and drive until we got home but she didn’t ever answer. When we arrived in our city she dropped me at my house and I said goodbye but she didn’t answer. It’s been two weeks and we have indeed not seen each other since.
I feel like she was really unfair towards me when all I was thinking about was our safety. But do you think that I was the asshole for refusing to drive and that Sara is right to be mad at me and say that I have been selfish?
Ps: This is obviously a throwaway account
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
saOXQsXxm5gCEpQfLmFa2QZEAvzDjwET
|
aebjyg
|
{
"description": "not coming home when my wife felt ill",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not coming home when my wife felt ill?
|
My wife and I have two kids, 11 and 13. Once a year I go out with a group of friends to watch the football playoffs. She was going to take the kids to the movies. We both left around the same time, 3:30. My wife started to feel ill while she was out. I offered to come home via text multiple times, but with no response. The next day my wife called me an asshole (literally) for not automatically coming home. Below is the full communication (via text) we had that afternoon and evening. Am I the asshole?
3:51 pm
Wife: Tell me if I feel like I am going to toss my cookies that we shouldn’t go into movie
Wife: I never feel this way
Me: That’s odd. Sorry you don’t feel good
Me: I’m sure the kids will understand if you don’t feel up to the movie.
4:16 pm
Wife: Came home
Me: OK. Take it easy. Let me know if you need me to come home.
Wife: OK. I am laying down. [13YO] just said text me if u need anything. She’s so nice. She’s in charge.
Me: That’s nice
7:13 pm
Wife: Any idea what our Netflix password is
Me: Not sure
Me: How are you feeling?
Wife: Headache and gross
Me: Aww
9:11 pm
<snip> Texts about putting food away when I get home and kids carpool the next day </snip>
Wife: Any eta on coming home
Me: Talking about after the late game, 11:30ish. But if you need me home sooner I could leave early
Wife: I am texting you from bed. I’ll have [13YO] take the dog out and put him to bed
Wife: Just because I am texting doesn’t mean I am not sick and ignoring our children
Me: I know
Wife: Oh and our plans changed but you have to stay out until midnight
Me: I can come home sooner if you’d like
10:08
<snip> more carpool stuff </snip>
10:16 pm
Wife: [13YO] says her stomach doesn’t feel good. I told her she was fine and go to bed.
Me: Uh oh. I hope everyone feels better in the morning
That’s it. Everything I knew until the next day. What do you think, Reddit?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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RIGHT
|
3V4zn1LcKAGQz295eJznXIgqRSipMIHL
|
b0hpc0
|
{
"description": "reporting a St. Bernard being kept in a Van for 16 hours (the officers were literally swarmed with roaches from a cracked window)...tonight the van owner brought in a new battery and immediately loaded up his wife and three toddlers. did I just make these babies sleep in a van",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for reporting a St. Bernard being kept in a Van for 16 hours (the officers were literally swarmed with roaches from a cracked window)...Tonight the van owner brought in a new battery and immediately loaded up his wife and three toddlers. Did I just make these babies sleep in a van??
|
So last night my roomie called me out onto the deck. A 45ish year old man we’ve never seen before ( very small complex and we’ve lived here for five years) was standing in a very dark part of the bushes adjacent to our apartment and wasn’t moving for 30 minutes. It was sketchy and our west Austin complex is usually pretty docile and quiet. Christine is a tough, not easily rattled NY girl and when her hackles were raised and she asked me to call 311 for a courtesy drive by, I did it immediately.
He went to his van, then ran into another building. It was the same van I saw a dog sleeping in around 3 that afternoon. The dog was still there.
Long story short- the Windows were covered with cardboard and the van was a wreck- broken down, smelled like decay, ect. The cops came and checked it out and when looking into the cracked windows, they all immediately started dancing around wiping their bodies and shaking out their pants. At least 40 roaches were on them and many more little ones were flooding out of the car. They said they couldn’t do anything because the plates were from out of state.
I was just out of my deck when homeboy came and put in a new battery. The van started and a few minutes later he came back with his woman person and they loaded up their stuff. They very quickly pulled up to the other building and loaded up three super small (5-6 being the oldest) dirty crying little girls.
Did I just unwittingly cause these little girls to go back to living in their van?!? I’m absolutely heart broken right now..I’m at a complete and utter loss.
Did I screw up a warm, safe and clean place for these children to stay?? The officers literally wouldn’t investigate
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
krUNyh5USpZvpBOFdMGfd0y6UtJVdHwF
|
b05lly
|
{
"description": "asking my partner to delete photos they took of me",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my partner to delete photos they took of me?
|
Hello, first time poster here. Been in a relationship for about 3 years now (both mid 20s). In the past, my partner and I were long distance and would sext via Skype/messenger/etc. At that time I was not as comfortable with it as my partner was, but it was what I wanted to do at that time due to missing that connection with them. Now we live in the same area, and sending/receiving naked photos isn't something I'm comfortable with anymore and something I don't feel is necessary to maintain our intimate relationship.
However, there have been a few times while getting dressed or changing clothes or coming out of the shower, my partner has taken photos of me on their phone and told me they were doing so. Each time it happens, I try to tell them I am not comfortable with that, but they say it is just doing it because they find me attractive and want to have pictures of me to look at. Because I don't want to start a fight, I usually drop it because they convince me I am overreacting and it is not a big deal. But every time, after the fact it continues to make me really uncomfortable knowing that they have those pictures of me. Not because I think they would send them to another person, but just knowing that they are out there like backed up to the cloud - I don't like it. It causes me a good deal of anxiety to think about.
And every time I ask them to delete the photos, they don't want to. Their reasons are: the photos aren't full nudes so I shouldn't be so worried, I am decreasing the intimacy of the relationship by not allowing this, and that I should find it flattering that they want to keep pictures of me. They also told me tonight that they think it is a body image issue of mine that I need to get over, which isn't the case at all. I have no problem with how I look in the photos, I have a problem with the fact that I don't have control over who gets to see me like that. Very easily could someone stumble upon them while looking at my partners gallery, and I am not comfortable with friends or family seeing me practically naked.
I feel that even though we might disagree, they are my partner and I would want them to understand and delete them if it would make me more comfortable - I would do that for them in a heartbeat. But every time we talk, they refuse to do it and instead say that I am overreacting. Is it fair of me to ask them to delete these photos (because I was never comfortable with them in the first place and expressed it while they were being taken)?
Thanks for reading.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
F2JfaAXVO1cDSt9deozVxE2bCtDJCihK
|
b3ko1i
|
{
"description": "starting a relationship with a girl who I knew I couldn't stay with",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA for starting a relationship with a girl who I knew I couldn’t stay with
|
I met this girl a few days ago and I can tell she’s interested in romantics with me and I think I feel the same. She’s super nice, we get along well, and she’s wayyy out of my league.
But the issue lies in the fact that I’m leaving the country in 2 months time and won’t be back for another 6-8 months and I’m not willing to go long distance. So would it make me an asshole to date her for the next couple months with the knowledge it won’t last long?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
zPYMb7QcCxV53YUt3DFvLsYEuprDfN2l
|
ayv73s
|
{
"description": "not letting my girlfriend come drink with me and my friends on the weekend because she made a fool of herself the last time",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not letting my girlfriend come drink with me and my friends on the weekend because she made a fool of herself the last time?
|
The one time my girlfriend came to party and drink with me and my friends, she got drunk and was acting like a child in front of my friends and threw up on my bed. I like her, but I don't want her to be a part of my party/drinking life. I enjoy spending time with her during the week when we're both sober, but when she comes over and drinks (and she specifically wants to drink and get high), she makes me have a terrible time. Now she's upset at me because she thinks I don't like her enough to drink with her. Am i the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
y1BA2ksYNkbr4WmRqJWBfbHA9j7FVNR4
|
atq9nn
| null |
AITA for the way I (20F) reacted to my (24F) girlfriends anniversary gift?
|
So, small backstory. It was recently our two year anniversary in early February of this year. In January 2018 girlfriend gave me a promise ring and I was absolutely thrilled. Only a few short weeks after that she cheated on me (another story for another time, I gave her another chance, things are pretty much okay) and after wearing that ring from the day I got it to about August 2018, I stopped wearing it. Now onto the real post...
So girlfriend knows I will not wear the old promise ring because "it reminds me too much of what happened" (my words to her). She respects that, whatever. I'm not a picky person with gifts and she was in a bit of a financial crunch so I said it was okay if we didn't do gifts but she insisted. I told her what I didn't want and figured she would probably get me a card, flowers, and shoes or something. Whatever, I didn't care. But (surprise!) that's not what she got me at all.
Cue night of the anniversary and it's pretty lowkey. She hands me a card and as I open it she immediately tells me not to read a certain part until last. Once I got to said part it said something about a ring. Then, cue fireworks, girl pulls out another promise ring. I am the type of person who acts like she likes gifts. I don't care if the sweater you got me isn't my size- I'm gonna make you believe it is! But boy did I fail myself on this one.
To sum it up I said something along the lines of "What the hell is this? I don't want this. This was a horrible idea." I then began to explain to her how I couldn't accept it and I never wanted a promise ring again because of what happened the last time I had one. She told me she figured I would say that (lie) and that she was fine with my answer (lie) and to not worry about it (huge lie). Girlfriend would never let me know to my face that she was upset, but a few days later when we were texting about it she deemed it as "the worst night of her life."
Part of me thinks that I was completely okay with not accepting the gift, but part of me also thinks I could have handled it better. So reddit I'm turning to you guys- AITA here?
Just to clarify, she ended up returning the ring after I asked her to and exchanged it for a different gift.
TLDR; girlfriend gives me a promise ring on our second year anniversary after giving me one the year prior and almost immediately cheating on me. I asked her what the hell is this and said I didn't want it. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
2uaOJmL7Ay09l3ZI4JxkurYccWnfPhps
|
b1vrfl
|
{
"description": "getting upset that my gf takes texts while on FaceTime",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting upset that my gf takes texts while on FaceTime?
|
I am on mobile and this is my first post on this sub, sorry for any mistakes.
My girlfriend and I FaceTime quite often throughout the week when we can’t see each other. During these calls we play games, watch movies, and talk about our day. About a month ago my girlfriend stopped talking to her best friend, since then she’s been very lonely socially. I noticed that she was feeling down and introduced her to one of my online friends. They hit it off and they’re decent talking buddies, I don’t mind or feel threatened, I’m confident that she wouldn’t leave me for him. However recently since talking to this mutual friend of ours, he will text her while we face time and my girlfriend will pause the call to respond. I wouldn’t mind if she only did this during breaks in our conversation, but sometimes she’ll stop mid-sentence when she sees the notification and text him back. I told her that this makes me unhappy and she said that she somewhat understood, but thought it would be okay since she told me what he was saying and tried to involve me in the conversation (I never drilled her for information about her convos) . She would bring up what they talked about after texting back and sometimes he’ll say something funny and we’ll both laugh about it, but I don’t want to FaceTime HER to know what THEY are talking about. Since I initially told her how I felt (about two weeks ago) she said she would stop texting during our calls, however last night she began doing it again and It has kinda made me mad that she promised to stop and hasn’t. I’m not sure if I’m being a controlling asshole by wanting her to stop socializing during our calls. I should also add that our FaceTime calls do not take up all of her free time.
TLDR; Am I the asshole for wanting my girlfriend to stop texting people during our FaceTime calls, regardless of whether she tells me about the conversations?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
5jAvlpE6bCBwCLqkUVwqAhi4UcrKwYcV
|
b4aruo
|
{
"description": "not agreeing with this",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not agreeing with this?
|
So, a bit of background, I guess:
I'm on the autistic spectrum. I've faced years of bullying at school because I was being myself, and I had a very confusing and anger-filled time growing up. It really wasn't easy. I'm now a depressed, anxious, insecure adult because of it. A lot of the stuff I faced was due to being autistic, and how I was treated by others.
I get annoyed every time I see those videos on social media where a kid with some kind of disability gets asked to prom, and then a post is shared around about it, and people see the non-disabled person as 'an inspiration'. In the UK, there's a show named The Undateables, and it's based around people with various disabilities finding love. That's fine, right up until they named it that. We're disabled, and we're seen as 'undateable' by the general public, and when we do get into relationships (Which is a normal thing), it's suddenly 'aww how sweet'. It's not seen the same.
&#x200B;
My point is that I feel these acts are based totally around pity and condescension. The girl in a wheelchair with cerebral palsy, or the guy with down syndrome, or the autistic classmate, they're lied to and used by the other kids for 'kind points' on social media. I've spoke up about this a few times in the past, and I've been called heartless, hateful, and cynical because I disagreed. Damn it, they deserve to be invited to all the things, just like everybody else. It didn't NEED a media circus!
Another example is when someone films them self giving food or money to homeless people. I find it incredibly telling how there's a camera rolling right before the act. They frankly don't give a shit about the homeless guy, they're just trying to portray themselves as kind and benevolent, when they're clearly just trying to get likes.
I'm really sad and angry that this is happening.
AITA?
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
9aztM9JwjdBQlxwqWD7hhHUF6VvsFd4r
|
a8b3py
|
{
"description": "doing a slow drift",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for doing a slow drift.
|
Last summer I decided to take my girlfriend to the outdoor school that I attended for a year, when we got there the official parking booth was closed and the gates were raised but there were these 2 old ladies standing there.
I stopped my car for the first lady and rolled down my window and she asked if I was here to do a summer camp (daytime only), I said no and explained what I was doing. The first lady told me I would have to pay $5 to park there, now I'm not sure if she actually had the authority to charge me parking but I decided it wasn't worth it, I politely said no thank you and informed her that I was pulling through just to turn around. I was driving my girlfriend's little econobox at the time and you can hit 3k rpm and the thing barley moves.
The second old lady was standing further in the lot but out of ear shot of the first lady and I, when I went to drive in I was admittedly a little heavy on the pedal but all I managed to do was make the car loud (still goes nowhere) and kick up a couple pieces of gravel before I released the gas to do my turn. I never went over 15kph. Almost instantly the second lady yells at me to slow down, i was close enough that there was no reason to yell and I definitely was going slow enough that there was no reason. I guess not getting to show my SO the very nice place and the lady yelling at me upset me and I grabbed the E brake and did a 180 (more like 145 due to the speed haha). The lady then yelled at me asking if I was an idiot so I just yelled back "No". Then she yelled something else as she turn around so I couldn't hear her. I yelled out "what??" And she didn't reply so I yelled out again "I couldn't hear ya, speak up Hun" in a pretty condescending tone. Then I drove away pretty fast at first but not fast enough to kick up much gravel.
This was an all gravel lot, the ladies were at least 60 years old each and it's on a provincial park. There were no kids around the area and I had good visibility. I love driving and drifting (my car is much better suited for it) and I had the car under complete control at all times. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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WRONG
|
vbsx9PU5eYWv0gTOdTutB8LkQrKDXX3W
|
az0eoj
|
{
"description": "telling all the truth about my past to my so after a 7 months relationship",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling all the truth about my past to my SO after a 7 months relationship?
|
Long story short.
Since I can remember... I've had terrible relationships that lead me to 2 abortions and a toxic relationship that cost me 50k and an almost a gangrape situation.
Also since always of course a very low self esteem, that for a while had me in a very dark place and almost ended with my life, twice.
I'm doing better after treatment and my pills since 3 years ago.
But now... I have a new relationship
We dated 2 months and became bf on the 3rd. Then living together 1 month after that...
2 month ago we started to talk about future and what plans could follow not to long in the road.
He wants to have a family, and I want it to WITH HIM
Don't get me wrong
I know it may been to fast to know.
But after what I've been through I have not a single doubt that he's a single piece men and not an easy one kind human to find.
So in order to honesty I decided to tell him about the abortions, because it could cause trouble someday. But....
Everything came out of me and in tears told him everything else and ask forgiveness for taking so long to tell.
I offer to move out.
He chose to send me to sleep to the other room and limit contact. I'm not allowed to talk to him. While he figures out what's next.
Don't get me wrong I know that, that kind of background must be shared.
But AITA for taking so long?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
oWJclQD973ClaGyqK9gt2VYtGEV8rvLe
|
a8i04s
|
{
"description": "not paying for my roommates laptop that I may have broken",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not paying for my roommates laptop that I may have broken?
|
Okay so this all went down a few months ago but I need to give background information.
&#x200B;
I live with my two roommates( they both have very unique names so I will call them Laura and Eleanor.) We have all been friends for about a year, and we got an apartment together this year. So one day my boyfriend( who I will call Mark) and I want to watch a movie. Laura left her laptop( which is a super old dell) on the floor with the HDMI cable left in, so I gently take it out and then put her laptop on the table so that it won't get stepped on or break. After a while Mark and I go out to grab some food, and come back a few hours later. As soon as I open the door Laura starts yelling at me, saying that I broke her laptop. I look at it and the HDMI port is a little bent. I don't remember hearing anything break or snap, so I told her I don't think that I broke it because I was really gentle taking it out.
I ask her if I can take a look at it to see it and she freaks out, curses and screams at me, and goes into her room. I was really shocked that she treated me this way but I can get that she's angry so I asked her if there's anything I can do to help. Well over a month goes by and she won't talk to me. I texted her asking her to talk, have asked her when I see her in the apartment if anything is wrong, but she just snears at me and walks away. It's like talking to a wall. This really upsets me because I didn't think it was that big of a deal. I start feeling really upset that she won't talk to me and I've cried several times about it. Over the month I asked her 6 or 7 times if we could talk, and she just ignores me and walks away or says she is too busy. Mark even tries to talk to her because he sees how upset it is making me.
&#x200B;
I finally have enough and go to the RD( we live in off campus university apartments) and ask if she can set up a meeting between Laura and me with her mediating it. I had originally asked Eleanor but she said she didn't want to get in the middle of it, which is fine, I respect that. In the meeting I start crying( I cry a lot, finals had stressed me out and this had to) but pick myself up and ask her whats wrong. Laura is still pissed at the laptop ordeal. I ask her why she hasn't talked o me or anything and she said it's how she deals with being angry. I apologized but I told her how much she had hurt me by cursing and screaming at me and not talking to me; Laura use to be one of my best friends. She won't even look at me in the meeting. I decide that after the way she treated me I don't want to pay for her laptop. I still don't think I broke it, but if I did and it was an accident I would have if she hadn't have treated me like shit. I tried putting myself in her shoes, but I wouldn't have reacted like that even if a random stranger had broken my HDMI port.
&#x200B;
I feel a little bad about not paying for it, but then I remember how she treated me. AIAH for this?
&#x200B;
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
F1fWNeSwyKthqObKcoovqPwwNZtlOZDq
|
ao9imz
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my ldr a month before we meet again",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
Aita to break up with my ldr a month before we meet again
|
Im (f26) cryiing right now ,sorry for my englosh (nor my native languaje)
i just broke up with my bf(m27) we been into a ldr since june and things were getting far different from the start.
i love him ,and i feel hes a perfect guy (very sweet ,respectfull ,nice taste) we share a lot of things in common the reason i wanted to break up with him is because hes in the university and working at same time but lately hes just have less less time for me and also dealing with his life ,i will never make him choose me over his school ,never , so thats why i told him that break up its the best for now.
he agree wth me, not event try to stop me , the gap between our different cultures is not too big as maybe he think, hes from pdx im from mexico. we meet i september for more than a week and things were just very cool and perfect (like if we know each other for years) but then trought the time things were changing a lot in the sense that less interest ,not sexy times (or very few) ,i really really try to just deal with that but at the end of the day i was heartbroken and sad .
we planned to make a trip to vancouver canada to meet there (cause i dont have visa) i pushed him to buy tickets with time , to catch a good deal , he pay almost all the ticket ,i just put a few cash.
now i feel bad cause i cant cancel the ticket , i told him that i will try to send that money back .
he used to offer me to meet there as friends , but i cant see him as that ,i mean if i agree to that im pretty sure we gonna kiss each other ,fuck like bunnies and then after the trip the moral hangover and my feelins gonna go to the trash, thats why i told him to not meet
he offer me to stay in touch in fb, i agree with ,i hope i dont start looking of what hes doing on there cause i just used to open on fb to see him , it will be weird to have his close friends there on fb , i always wanted to meet them and hang out cause they seem very cool people ,but now i have to made me the idea that ,that will never happens :(
i really feel shitty i cant even write so well right now :( , any word ? opinion ? advice?
&#x200B;
TL:DR i feel very sad to break up with my bf a month before we meet again
&#x200B;
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
zuR55t6ZFrNQvzR2g8Dp2I9Ya1RvLJaT
|
aw9smj
|
{
"description": "not sitting with a friend at lunch",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for not sitting with a friend at lunch?
|
I (15M) always sit with my friend, (15F) at the school lunch. We've known each other for a bit more than a year and are good friends. The problem is, she has times where she just doesnt talk.
I try to engage conversation and will she just kinda listens without saying anything, she will listen to music sometimes. I know she isnt angry or upset or anything, because she would tell me that (I know from past experiences with her).
So why dont I just go sit with other friends somewhere else? Well, I have before, and she gets very upset. I guess she doesnt know anyone else in the lunch and doesnt have any friends besides me to sit with. I've known that she is pretty anti social and shy. Theres a friend who sits near to us but with a girl that the one I sit with doesnt like (I know I should have given them names, too many girls).
When my friend will talk, I enjoy our conversations but I'm don't want to just sit there with the both of us just in our phones when she doesnt talk. On the other hand, she'll be offended if I eat with some other friends somewhere else.
So WIBTA for going to sit with some other friends of mine?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
h2BwZJw2Mjh2FKgn6rNGLUzEc1KHQkW1
|
auz8xr
|
{
"description": "bunking college in this situation",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for bunking college in this situation
|
Im 16 and in my first year of college in the UK and i had this homework due today my lessons are scheduled like this we only need to go up to Tuesday
Monday
Period 1 - (i have lesson A)- 9:00 - 10:30
Period 2 - 10:45-12:15
Lunch - 12:15-13:15
Period 3 (i have lesson B) -13:15 - 14:45 I leave college after this lesson
Period 4 - 15:00 - 16:30
Tuesday
Period 1 - 9:00 - 10:30
Period 2 - (i have lesson A) 10:45-12:15 I leave college after this lesson
Lunch - 12:15-13:15
Period 3 -13:15 - 14:45
Period 4 - 15:00 - 16:30
The teacher for lesson A and B is the same and they set homework every lesson in fact this was the 2nd time all year she hadn't set homework i would do the homework for lesson B after i get home and for lesson A i had this weekly booklet i had to fill in and i have this early gap in the Tuesday morning i would do it every morning i'm up but my alarm breaks ,i have one set on my tablet,and my second is my phone which i slept through as its literally vibrates and i cant have it on me in bad as i charge it for the next day so i miss the alarm and just in case this happens i stress to my mum to wake me up the same time on Tuesday i would on Monday, that doesn't happen so what happens instead is i'm woke up as she leaves the house with no time to do my homework, now the next day i would have lesson C in lesson C my teacher said if i don't prove i can do the subject well i will be moved from the A-level class to BTEC level and i have to have something printed out for that day and i don't want to piss off that teacher, my printer at home is broken so i was planning to email to to my mum's work as i couldn't print off homework i did on the half term on the Monday and i didn't want to run the risk with the teacher from lesson C moving me down.
In the end i decide to bunk school and email my mum in work the thing i need printed from my home computer and do the homework for period 2 at home because of my colleges stupid absence policy where ditching school is better than getting a cause for concern here a example of why its stupid
For example i got a cause for concern for not having my lanyard so once when my lanyard by it falling out of my pocket on the way up up to college on the walk to college i didn't go in as it was better to be absent then get another cause for concern as at the time i was on a stage 2 and a stage 4 would get me kicked out so i was not going on a stage 3
If i'm absent it wont be follow up on though but if i'm not and i go in without the homework i will most likely get a stage 2 which entails a long meeting with the subjects head with my parents
So with the dilemma of bunking school or getting into shit i bunk
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
MkW02IdWB8WuIiVpWQfYf2Zc0xsIEpKq
|
amvxvu
|
{
"description": "asking my wife to dress our daughter",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my wife to dress our daughter
|
Daughter is 3.5. Wife is a SAHM.
WIBTA for asking my wife to dress our daughter instead of letting her choose her own outfits? My wife has been letting our daughter go around dressed in crazy outfits that are so bad even I can tell she looks ridiculous. My wife said she does this so our daughter can assert her independence. WIBTA if I asked her to dial it back and make sure daughter is dressed better?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 16
}
|
WRONG
|
vre4w0wmR1Sdx8QMduql94li05Za5aiM
|
aqrx33
|
{
"description": "being let down my girlfriend didn't do anything for Valentine's day",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being let down my girlfriend didn't do anything for Valentine's Day
|
I know I shouldn't expect anything really but in the past few weeks I bought her little goodies telling her it's for Valentine's Day like a WiiU and a dinner at the restaurant of her choiceand bunch of little stuff and when I did that she said too that she had idea for Valentine's Day. In the morning I got nothing not even an acknowledgement of the day goes to work, come back home. She made dinner like any other day, now for bed time, almost got no Valentine's Day moment ( not necessarily sex or anything but no cuddle or kisses) I tell her how I feel, she flips around and tell me, "you know I don't know how to celebrate Valentine's Day, are you gonna be petty about it? ". Because it's the first time she has a bf for the that day.... Like I know I shouldn't expect anything really and I know our financial situation isn't the greatest, it's not bad either, I wasn't expecting any material gift but I thought she would at least do a minimum and make me feel like it's a special day too...
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
BcCmWWaWZ6pzZDO6LJpecB5vMRXtHJms
|
b0mkbj
|
{
"description": "not giving my parents more money",
"pronormative_score": 55,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving my parents more money
|
A little background. My parents are basically broke right now. I've moved to a new city for a job and right before that, my dad was hospitalized for a psychotic break.
I just got my first paycheck and I told one of my aunts to tell my mum that I'd sent her $100 because I couldn't get a hold of her and would be busy throughout the day.
My aunt freaked and asked me why I'd sent so little. My parents are terrible with money so I explained to her that I'm not sending them more to avoid them wasting it. She argued that $100 is not enough to feed a family of 3 (parents + younger brother). She was very passive-aggressive and called me stingy.
I didn't respond to her little outburst. I didn't send my parents more money. She has since sent me a few more messages asking me if I'm mad at her and telling me not to be mad over the issue.
I'm not mad. I'm very hurt. I can survive on $20 a week. I was thinking $100 could last them at least a few days. But AITA for not sending my parents more money?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
qRf2akHT7mkUHCGH3YZb9MhWD60brFW3
|
ah8b7o
|
{
"description": "agreeing to a video shoot, but leaving as soon as I get there",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA agreeing to a video shoot, but leaving as soon as I get there?
|
Right. I go spectating theatre play rehearsal almost every day, until the premiere. I really love those rehearsals, since I want to become a theatre director and the rehearsals provide very adequate feedback to most of my questions.
I agreed to participate in a video shoot for another theatres audiovisual play, thus missing one of the rehearsals I really love. Was not a big part, but background. They announced it in a facebook group for hobbyist actors. I forgot the target audience of that group and when I got to the video shoot and saw the room filled with hobbyist, schoolgirls and elderly theatre hobbyist. I felt like I was back in my theatre-hobby-days and I don't like it at all. I sat for a second, stood up and walked away. I did not see the producer, so I could not tell him directly I do not want to be there. On my way to the theatre rehearsal I wrote a message to the producer saying I mixed things up in my schedule and had to run. Apologised. Slightly.
AITA for leaving the shoot? In my head I prioritized the theatre rehearsal higher than the video shoot. Tho I understand, breaking a "promise" like that. There were no contracts involved.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
uKPo2vw4ExPYlMSFnphyzgYOfr3a7PxF
|
avldle
|
{
"description": "feeling annoyed that my GF makes more money than me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for feeling annoyed that my(23M) GF(29F) makes more money than me?
|
I’ve recently (4 months) started a new job and about 2 months afterwards I met an amazing woman who I absolutely adore. We eventually got to talking about our jobs and such and she mentioned that she was making about $14.50USD while I’m only making about $8USD and although I’m aware that it shouldn’t bother me that much, especially since my job is so much newer than hers and it has a lot of room for raises and advancement, but I can’t help but have it slightly bother me. Am I just being a shithead?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
jGQScBFd79zwb5nDmyDIEL9kp5v8CyUC
|
b8454t
|
{
"description": "telling my relatives PCP about our fights",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for telling my relatives PCP About our fights?
|
I live with my grandmother. She is bipolar and she also “sundowns”..aka her mental illness symptoms get worse as the sun goes down, especially at night. She has become increasingly violent and abusive physically and verbally. The other night she got mad enough about carrots to start waving a knife around while yelling at me. She and I both share a pcp (primary care physician). Would I be the asshole if I called him up and told him about our personal arguments? I feel like on the one hand it’s not his business but on the other shouldn’t he know that his patient is getting violent and having increases in things like driving the wrong way down the street,putting papers in the freezer, getting lost.. she claims she talked to him about her memory issues and he just said she was fine just stressed too much for her age. But I don’t think she mentions her “rages” that she blames on “being in the cult” that she is “praying away” WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
NAZA8Aoh5no4xZPbjq2U90KXdDyA0b7E
|
a01bev
|
{
"description": "telling my husband to respect my space",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my husband to respect my space?
|
I wasn't trying to "push him away" in an emotional sense, but my husband has a habit of walking up to me when I'm on the couch and standing over me to talk.
He speaks to me, but I must either sign or text to him. Sometimes he will rant about something like politics or discussion of diet etc. for more than a minute. Usually lasting 5-30 minutes. Sometimes these conversations turn one way where I will let him speak and sometimes say 2 or 3 words in the span of time.
It makes me EXTREMELY uncomfortable. Anyone else doing the same would make me feel the same way. I've started trying to get him to sit down when I realize it's going to be a lengthy conversation and sometimes he does.
I suffer from anxiety (extreme) and last night I couldn't sleep, so I am a bit crabby today. When he came up to me, I pushed him away gently with my foot and asked/told him to respect my personal space. It went like this:
Him: Don't push me away
Me: Don't stand over me, it makes me super fucking anxious.
Him: I guess you'll just have to get used to it then.
Me: No, I don't, you can get used to respecting my personal space
Him: Ok
Then he walked away without another word. I love my hubby and I want us to be emotionally close like we always have been, but I feel bad that pushing him away seemed to shock him and then the "ok" - I could tell he was pissed off.
My husband is NTA. I'm not here to demonize him and make me seem flawless. But I feel guilty still and he's giving me the cold shoulder. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
dihMNSwDCquMZAjAytz09oGw7UMo6sEJ
|
aq880e
|
{
"description": "not caring about nephews/nieces",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not caring about nephews/nieces?
|
So, to start off, none of my family members are very close, and some don't even live near me.
My sister in law has two kids, as does my half-sister who I only met a few years ago for the first time.
When each kid from my SIL was born, I sent a card, a little plushie toy and a $100 gift card. But I also hid her from my social media feeds because she has gone from a rebellious, witty chick to a breastfeeding mommy SJW crusader and I just don't care about that kind of thing. As for my half-sister, she lives about an hour away and we've only met up a few times since we learned of each other's existence. Both times she brought her very loud and hyper kids with her and I have been avoiding meeting her again ever since.
I grew up an only child and have never cared much for kids, even when I was one. I would sit near the teacher/guardian that was watching the kids and talk to them rather than play with kids on the playground. As an adult I am childfree (I'm even sterilized), however I am still nice to kids whenever I have to be around them, and I am polite to people when they talk about their kids to me. I'm not really open about not liking kids, because as a woman over 30 that makes me look like a monster, or defective, to the vast majority of people. I can handle when they are around, I just don't prefer it and will usually make up some cheesy excuse to leave if someone brings loud kids around me.
Recently I got some shit for never liking/commenting on pictures of the kids. I don't remember any of their birthdays, and aside from a family care package around Xmas season, I don't do anything for them.
I never had a big family, grew up with just a mom and dad and everyone else lived too far away to see more than once every decade or so. "Family" is not as big a deal to me as other people, yet I feel like I'm still expected to fulfill the same obligations as people from big families that were close growing up.
Am I an asshole? I don't dislike anyone, I just don't care that much.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
RM5EeOpDrPMuf4BJSbhiLV4CRgEP7xa1
|
aj07wq
| null |
AITA: Sister wants to have her bachelorette on my 30th birthday.
|
My mother used to dream that if she gave me a younger sister that we would be best friends forever. Unfortunately that’s not the case. As kids we fought constantly and now as adults we get along, even have a good time when together, but are by no means friends. We’ve always had a bit of a rivalry.
We are different people, my sister and I. She’s the athletic social butterfly with tons of friends and also wanting the spotlight. I have 3 or 4 good friends and I like to be behind the scenes. And even though I like not being the center of attention, I’m human. With it always came a bit of jealousy.
I became engaged to my boyfriend of 5 years in December 2016 with plans to marry in 2018. 7 months later in the midst of my planning she also became engaged. To her boyfriend of a year. She promised none of her planning would take place during mine. I wish I could say she held true to that. She was engaged for a year when she announced that she was throwing an engagement party with our entire family.
Two weeks before my wedding.
For context, my wedding was a destination, and only parents and siblings were invited. None of the rest of the family. But I sucked it up and went. Had the same conversation with everyone, ‘Yep getting married in two weeks, no sorry we couldn’t invite everyone, yes we plan to have a party when we get back, etc.’
We got married, everything was great. Came home and stumbled upon a fantastic opportunity to buy a house. The closing took a month and we took one week to move (working during the week). My sister scheduled her wedding dress shopping with all her bridesmaids for the only Saturday my husband and I had to move. Sucked it up, went to that, killed myself moving everything on Sunday.
Now the final straw and where I need to know if I’m the asshole. Her wedding is September 7th. Her bridesmaids are currently trying to plan her bachelorette for the summer. Somehow the only weekend all 10 people (except me) can make it is my 30th birthday.
She called me yesterday and asked if I had plans for my birthday and if I could celebrate it another weekend. She said and I quote, ‘You have to look at it from my perspective Miranda, I only get married once.’
The only other weekend that could possibly work would be the end of July but then her Fiancee’s brothers girlfriend wouldn’t be able to make it because she has a horse show. She is 21 and knows nobody. So I’ve been asked to skip the one time I turn 30 so that some non important person can go to a horse show.
She did say that it’s important I’m there and she doesn’t want me to cancel plans I might already have.
I don’t currently have plans for my birthday. But it’s 6 months out and I didn’t think I’d have to plan that far ahead. Not to mention I didn’t think my sister would even dare to try and schedule something that could be any weekend on it. Any other birthday i wouldn’t care.
I told her I’d ask my husband to make sure he hasn’t planned anything. So I have a choice here. I can suck it up go or I can make up that my husband has made plans.
I don’t want to spend my 30th birthday celebrating her. AITA?
TL;DR- My sister has asked me to give up my 30th birthday to have her bachelorette. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
6e7R2JXEheg2hozxO1g3tHxHajtBmCBS
|
b4okvc
|
{
"description": "going straight to property manager for my complaint about tenant downstairs in this scenario",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for going straight to property manager for my complaint about tenant downstairs in this scenario
|
I normally want neighbours to resolve conflict among ourselves.
The history
My neighbour downstairs bangs on my floor aka his ceiling once or twice a month presumably because I’m making too much noise. My neighbour also smokes cigarettes. It’s unclear whether he’s allowed to, I choose to give him the benefit of the doubt as it’s possible he was grandfathered in before the no smoking policy. Whenever I smell smoke wafting up into my suite I simply close my patio door or bedroom window and it prevents stinking up my suite.
The incident
I was assembling IKEA furniture at 5PM. I hear a ton of banging on the floor. I adjust to work more quietly and finish entirely within 20 minutes.
The fallout
The next day I come home to a mild smell of cigarette smoke in the entrance to my apartment. I see an envelope on the floor under my doors mail slot, and when I pick it up it reeks of cigarette smoke. I open it and read a strongly word letter from the tenant downstairs, complaining of loud banging at 5PM the day before, threatening to contact the tenancy board and pursue further action of this nature. I put the letter in a zip lock to contain the smell. My apartment smells nice and my air freshener doesn’t need competition.
My take
This dude is over sensitive to noise, irritable in general and gross. I wait on it a few days and think on how to respond.
I decided:
- I really don’t want to interact with this person. It will be very very unpleasant between the predictable stink and the likelihood of a unpleasant exchange.
- instead, after a week, I wrote a note to the landlord saying I normally ignore the eccentric irritability of the person downstairs but now that they are leaving stinky letters in my entrance I have to address it.
- I included the stinky letter in the ziplock bag for the landlord to read and presumably smell.
- I told the landlord I will be ignoring this tenant going forward as best I can. I also mentioned that my neighbour to my right has never complained of noise and even told me he likes living next to me because I’m not loud or obnoxious and as a bonus I’m not a smoker.
- my call to action with the landlord was that he simply ask the tenant downstairs to be more tolerant of noise during daytime hours and to cease putting anything in my mail slot.
Judge me
Am I the asshole for:
- avoiding the tenant downstairs entirely and just tattling to the landlord
- avoiding conflict not because I’m afraid but because I just genuinely think the tenant downstairs is stinky and passive aggressive and his letter gave me all the insight I needed on both. I judged that no good could come of engaging him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
t7zJllbgpPWcTFcQ5TfLvsn5NAqxjwky
|
b25zot
|
{
"description": "always leaving work at 9:30",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for always leaving work at 9:30?
|
I work at a restaurant part time, and am the only one in the entire staff who has my job, so station upkeep when I'm not around is reliant on many others. There are times where there's work to do but the person who drives me to and from work has a night job and will be late if I'm late getting out. I have been with the restaurant for 8 months now and this has been consistent throughout it, where I will get a lot of shit for leaving at the time I have to leave, even after making it clear to them what my situation is. AITA for not staying 15-20 extra minutes to finish up certain tasks?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
4JDQfGyjpCI5Pl19UcszHowkOAJzZJDY
|
ajwina
|
{
"description": "not allowing my daughter to go to her friends house because it's in a rough area",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for not allowing my daughter to go to her friends house because it’s in a rough area..
|
My daughter is 11 and has recently started at a new school. Some of the kids who attend this school come from a kinda rough area. She’s made friends with a girl who lives in this area and she’s asked me if she can stay over her house. When she told me where she was from I said I’d rather she didn’t go there. She asked me why and I said because it’s not a very nice area. I said her friend could come stay with us instead if she wanted but my daughter said a couple of other girls were going too and she can’t tell them to come to ours. My daughter got pretty upset with me and told me I was being unfair and that the girl is nice and I shouldn’t judge her because she’s from there. I said that I was sure she was nice and it wasn’t about her it was just I’ve heard bad things about that neighbourhood and I’m not comfortable with her going. I said she’d have to make up that she was busy and then maybe invite the girls over to ours the next week. She said no and I was ruining her friendship and is refusing to talk to me.
So let me ask, AITA for not wanting her to go?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
FO3oYujqhsqWVXhG4fVTvIQHjPiuFCAW
|
aloa8y
|
{
"description": "being angry at a friend for spreading my possible job opportunity",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being angry at a friend for spreading my possible job opportunity
|
So some back story first. I got a verbal offer from a dream job. I’m still waiting for the formal offer and until then I’m trying not to be happy or confident about it. We’ve all heard stories about things falling through and until I sign anything I consider it not being an offer.
The industry and city I work in has a tendency to gossip and talk a lot. Everyone knows each other. So it’s very easy for things to come to my boss or the new company.
I’ve told a total of 4 friends about the possibility because I wanted some advice and support during the interview process. I’ve told none of them except 1 about the name of the company.
So the one friend I told the name is also my colleague. It started of with him telling me that he “subtly” asked my boss if he thought I would be leaving soon. Upon hearing about this I immediately told my friend: please don’t do this. It’s my career, you can’t interfere with this. Upon which he said oh but it was really subtle, boss doesn’t even realize this was a real question.
Fast forward, the week after I’m going out and about 5 of our mutual friend come to me to congratulate me. Again I tell my friend, stop telling people. It’s not certain yet and I don’t want the company to find out yet. Again he laughs it off as if it’s nothing.
So, a couple days later my boss pulls me apart and told me she heard some rumors. Since he is also my friend I didn’t want to lie. So I basically told him the short of it without telling the name of the company. (My boss has a friend in said company and I don’t want anybody to interfere)
Then today was the last drop. I ran into 2 people I know (friends but not really close) who started asking me about the new job and mentioned the company name (which I’ve been keeping secret). So when I asked them how do they know they said it’s because of my friends friend. Who doesn’t live in the same country and who I’ve never even met.
So I texted my friend again to say. Can you please ask your friend to stop talking about me and especially the name of the company.
So AITA for getting upset over this? Honestly I thought I’m not. But every time I tell my friend off it gets laughed away. So now I’m starting to wonder if I’m being overly sensitive for feeling like somebody is interfering with my career
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
7Ry9IVlSJXpO3h2ppnRIBm5M814syful
|
acqi4q
|
{
"description": "threatening to file a lawsuit on someone who exposed my nudes",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for threatening to file a lawsuit on someone who exposed my nudes?
|
Here’s the full story. A tl;dr is below if this is too long. About a month ago I was desperate for any attention/affection. I would do very risky and dumb things. But one specific moment is this one person who messaged me. They didn’t have any pfp (a huge red flag) but I was just hoping and wishing for the best result since she seemed interested in me
And so I sent some pictures and said some very vile things because I don’t like saying no to people. After the nudes and flurry of role play messages passed, she revealed that this was a shared account. I thought it was a joke or something so I played along and stuff. But the next day during lunch I was told people were airdropped my nudes.
I was incredibly ashamed and scared because I don’t know how to handle this sort of stuff and the main guy (let’s call him Dave) kept harassing me about it for about a month. Then the 20th came. I had a failed suicide attempt because of the constant harassment (I used nutmeg because I heard it could cause death)
When school started again (winter break) I didn’t hear much from him until yesterday when I heard from a friend that my nude was uploaded to a spam account. I was embarrassed so I requested to go home early. When this happened I started looking up if I could file a case about this or get him arrested for distributing CP.
Then comes today. I was already feeling like shit so I couldn’t handle much. When 5th period came I wanted to use the elevator to go up to my class but when I walked in, I noticed the two people who are mainly causing me trouble (Dave and the girl who’s account he used). They started loudly announcing that my ass was “ugly” and that my dick was “flexible” . Other people were in the elevator and I couldn’t handle this constant shit so I just walked up the stairs to my class
I started crying because it was too much for me at the time. My friend noticed and when class ended he came up to me and asked to talk. I told him that after I get myself together I’ll talk to him. I then saw Dave and had the idea to confront him about it and ask him to stop. Most likely not the brightest idea. I told him to stop talking about me and he claimed he didn’t do it even though I have evidence. After that ordeal I felt so angry and depressed that I made a post saying “you people need to leave me alone. Stop spreading shit about me”. I walked up to my friend and I told my friend to go into the bathroom with me and then I broke down in front of him saying that I am trying to ignore him but that he keeps getting bolder and more creative with this shit. He told me to go to the social worker and that’s what I did.
When I was there I told her everything but not saying I gave out nudes but saying “I did something shameful that I am not ready to talk about with the school yet. I will tell you what exactly happened on Monday” they understood and said I didn’t have to specify right now if I didn’t feel comfortable. We then talked about all of the things bothering me here. They called my mom and I left.
When I got to my grandmas house (we were picking something up) I told my mom all of the details about what happened. She recommended that I take this to the court of law, which I’ll begrudginglydo. About 30 or so minutes later I got a message from one of my ‘friends’. She asked what was wrong and since we were cool I told her what happened. She then proceeded to tell Dave that I messaged her about this and he messaged me saying he was sorry and not to do this.
I told him I don’t forgive him and that we’ll deal with this when I talk to the Vice Principal or the police. He then swore up and down that he didn’t spread this stuff and that I was wrong. I told him that we’ll see. He then sent me a wall of messages begging me not to do it and that he’s innocent. I ignored and blocked him.
The ‘friend’ that messaged me saying that it’s my fault that I sent it and that I’ll be an asshole for getting the police and the school involved. I left her on read because i didn’t know what to say, as I wasn’t sure how to react to this.
**tl;dr** A shared account catfished me and spread my nudes across my school. When I brought it to the main guy who did this attention he said he didn’t do it even though I have proof. I was also told by a ‘friend’ of mine that she thinks it all my fault and that I shouldn’t talk to the Vice Principal or go through with a lawsuit that I am planning to file.
**AITA** for proceeding to file a lawsuit for this? I just need to know before I go through with it and I need to make sure that I am mostly in the right, since he technically he spread CP and that’s a crime and a breach of privacy. At least I think it is. I don’t wanna be another one of those frivolous cases that America has so much of.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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