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HmIrYNkPViaRtXy4AYFeambfTqBLJZIK
|
ax0w9f
|
{
"description": "posting about how uncomfortable a photographer made me",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for posting about how uncomfortable a photographer made me?
|
So this happened sophomore year of HS (I’m 18). There are a few student photographers at my school who really flourish during dance season, but need “models” to photograph to create a portfolio for potential customers to refer to.
I didn’t personally know this guy (we can call Steve), but I knew of him and we shared a mutual friend. Our mutual friend texted me one day. Steve said he thought I was pretty and that I’d make a good model. I, naive, told her to set it up.
Steve texted me and we scheduled a time and place. The day comes and I get into his car and we drive maybe 20 minutes to the area and on the way he talked about me and how I looked, and though I was flattered, I was unfamiliar with him & admittedly a little uncomfortable. We park and walk towards a fenced off area near the very back of a park. He isn’t saying anything about where we were going, but he points out an opening in the fence in which we climb through and are now immersed in bushes, trees, and branches. We walked deeper and deeper under these branches where eventually a path way was visible and I could finally see the sky again. Fortunately, I was just paranoid and he lead me to where he had planned to take photos of me; it was a flower field. The entire time he was taking photos of me he was silent. Didn’t say a word, didn’t tell me what to do.
Steve wraps it up and we walk back to his car. He says he’s tired so he lays his head in between us, barely on my thigh. I ask to look through the photos to avoid sitting in silence. After 10 minutes he sits back up and asks if I wanted to get food. I politely declined multiple times and said my family was waiting for me to come home, so we could eat dinner. He drove to some food place where he insisted he at least buy me something to drink.
On the drive home, he was very interrogative and asked personal questions. I wasn’t really engaging in conversation.
I thanked him when he dropped me off and went inside. I immediately made a “spam post” about it on my private instagram expressing my unique and uncomfortable situation. The next day, I had another shoot with a rivaling photographer (we’ll call him Dave) and Dave was really talkative. He was a lot more fun to talk to and it seemed he made an effort into trying to make sure I was okay and comfortable.
Eventually, when i get home later that day, I find out steve had commented on how dave photographed me after him. Dave, who actually follows my private instagram, said things with the general idea of “well at least I didn’t weird her out” and proceeded to show him things I posted about our shoot.
Steve then ranted to our mutual friend about how I was a snake and a mean and malicious person for doing this, and that I shouldn’t have said I was “okay” when he asked.
Maybe I should’ve been more private...I didn’t intend for him to feel embarrassed or for my posts to be used against him so...AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
UO43HbUDb8MqaO3MC8DJHJmlJvgPH2mN
|
ap4nso
|
{
"description": "telling my ex-girlfriend/former possible baby momma off and then putting her on \"blast\" online",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my ex-girlfriend/former possible baby momma off and then putting her on "blast" online?
|
So about a year ago, I went home for 3 months during my graduate schooling to assist my family with some funeral and estate dealings after one of my family members passed away. I left the northeast, fly back to the Pacific NW, and spent some time grieving and being in a really depressed mood while we buried one of my godfathers. (Not my 'official' one but a mentor and my great uncle) I was down and using alcohol and weed to cope and one of my former flings from college hit me up while I was in town for a few months. We started to see each other and casually date but mostly just go to basketball games and get food. Let's call her Sarah (fake name)
One night, we are out partying and I drink way too much. I fall asleep in the backseat of my best friend's suburban parked around the corner from the night club. I had been throwing up and my best friend (Let's call him Zach) put me there with a blanket and some food. I passed out and when I came to, Sarah was on top of me having sex with me. I of course pushed her off and found Zach and left. (This is January of 2018)
We break things off and go our separate ways. I fly back to the northeast and do my thing. Then in April, I get a call from her telling me that she's pregnant. I of course freak out but I remain surprisingly calm and decide to be an adult. I tell her that if I am the Dad, that I will be there for the child but I want absolutely nothing to do with her whatsoever. She begins to bounce between abortion and keeping it every single day. I tell her that she needs to be taking prenatal vitamins, going to the doctor (which she finally does after a month), and getting our finances in order. She does all those things and then is hesitant to tell me the due date. Turns out her Due date was December 5th or something. I do the math and if we had "sex" January 2018 there is no way that "our" kid would be able to be born in December.
She confesses that she was trying to trap me and that the real Dad just got sentenced to 9 years in prison. I tell her that I wish her luck but I need some space and I would not like to talk to her for some time.
Everything goes away and she has the baby, etc. But then this week, she messages me on Instagram "Hey how are you doing!!" and all that crap. She continues to message me and call me non-stop trying to get back into my life.
I wasn't sure what to do but after a few beers, I called her and blew up on her over the phone. I said something along the lines of: "You know Sarah, you are the biggest piece of shit I have ever known in my entire life. Knowing you has been a mind-numbing, agonizing experience from start to finish including you sexually assaulting me when I was passed out, trying to stick a fucking child that wasn't mine on me, and thinking its all okay and that I
am being an asshole because I told you that I wanted my "child" to have vitamins, regular appointments, and good food/support". You are fucking scum and I hope you never fucking talk to me every again you fucking cunt". I put her on blast on social media (Facebook) with tons of people saying "Wow Sarah", etc. She then apparently has been crying ever since. I took down the post this morning off of Facebook.
Granted, I feel bad, because she does have some mental health issues, but I have been through a lot. So AITA Reddit? Did I go too far? Or should have just let it ride?
TL;DR: Family member died, moved back home for a few months, got depressed, dated bad girl, got taken advantage of in my passed out state, got almost trapped in a pregnancy and left, and then blew up on the girl later on for trying to come back into my life
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
BUyUZa7VpmfZ0j7kkwALKENT0y8hTQDr
|
ab537g
|
{
"description": "turning in a group of acquaintances to the IRS",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
WIBTA for turning in a group of acquaintances to the IRS?
|
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
I'll try to keep this short;
At my workplace, unless you are explicitly in a tipped position, you are not too accept tips. You can accept gifts with a value of up to $100 but it cannot be considered currency in any way.
I know with almost 100% certainty that most of an entire department is accepting tips under the table. These are people I've worked with in the past, and while I wouldn't call them friends, we all know each other and are friendly. These tips can be upwards of $500 and likely even more, and while I don't know the frequency, it's safe to assume that each individual participating are getting these tips on at least a weekly basis. If it's true that most of these people are accepting tips against policy, there's no way they're being claimed with their taxes and they are effectively defrauding the IRS for tens of thousands of dollars annually.
Truthfully, I think they, and everyone else, SHOULD be able to accept tips, given the environment that we work in (I won't specify but it's probably not hard to figure out). My issue comes from the fact that many other people have turned down hundreds and thousands in tips while this particular group of people have been accepting then because there in a position where they can do it behind closed doors, and in turn, this income goes unreported.
I won't deny that these thoughts are partially driven by jealousy and greed, as I've heard that the IRS sometimes financially rewards people for tips leading to issues like these, so that begs the question.
WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
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}
|
WRONG
|
JqsEKpQXQnyOSwFREgzjA3ogWBknRgN4
|
amvbp6
|
{
"description": "saying this to my waiter last night",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I had said this to my waiter last night?
|
Last night my dad and I ate at a local Mexican restaurant we like. They were a little more crowded than usual. I ordered one type of quesadilla (steak) and when they brought out our food, they gave me something different than what I ordered. It was something like a cheeseburger quesadilla (hamburger patty with two types of cheese, lettuce, tomatoes, sour cream) and a side of fries. I didn’t want to say anything so I took a bite and *oh my god*, that was the best quesadilla I ever had! The meat was juicy and 100 times better than the actual one I ordered. I asked my dad if I could tell the waiter, the next time he came by, “this isn’t what I ordered but I am very glad you brought this out because it is delicious! I would never have thought to order this but I know the next time I come by I’m ordering this again! So good!” My dad told me not to say it as it points out they made a mistake on my order, so I didn’t say it. If I did, would I have been an asshole?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
8vmopainoIlf0RLOQYLNbRZwN7JGjtM0
|
ausad9
|
{
"description": "not wanting my boyfriend to take his anti anxiety/ depression medicine",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 18
}
|
AITA for not wanting my boyfriend to take his anti anxiety/ depression medicine
|
So my boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months now. Well call him T. T struggles with depression and anxiety. So his doctor gave him medicine (way too fast imo but that’s a different story). This medicine makes him a literal zombie . I’m talking nauseous, dilated pupils, spaced out, he says he feels zaps in his head? And just makes him sleep all the time. It turns out the first time he took it for a few days he got serotonin syndrome. So he agreed not to take it anymore because it changes everything about him. Last night he took it again and I’m a little angry/ annoyed because it makes him so different. I’m worried he might die. He thinks I’m being controlling/ mean for telling him what he can and cannot take
So Reddit AITA
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
4QUFMqpqLP4UvIZRK9EhH7iLbpA3YMN2
|
ayfzsa
|
{
"description": "\"making\" the food delivery drivers come upstairs to my apartment",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for “making” the food delivery drivers come upstairs to my apartment?
|
I live in a food desert neighborhood so I order out kinda regularly. Usually, the drivers would automatically come upstairs to my apartment, which is California/motel style, so there’s no “indoor” it’s just a flight of stairs. For the past couple of weeks drivers have called me and told me that they are outside so I tell them to come upstairs to my apartment. AITA for wanting them to come to my door instead of having me walk outside?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 9,
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
94ZS0Z7OfgHozYRzqCgJ8odJa7kMc30m
|
b0u59m
| null |
AITA Do I owe her?
|
I work 6 days a week at a crap job, and make just under 500 bi-weekly. Approx ~$1000 a month, (not a lot at all) and at 20, I still live with my mom. I pay her the $640 she asks, (leaving me 360 a month to live off) and give her any money she asks for if I have it (She's constantly asking, but I rarely have it)
I get the privilege of sharing a room with 2 kids, and for the most part buying my own food (there's never any food in the house.
Now, I might not feel the way I do if she hadn't quit her job over a year ago with no real effort to find work since. Seeing that's the case, I don't want to do this anymore.
I feel like I'm being taken advantage of.
I've been told that I owe it to her for providing for me when I was a kid, but we were poor when I was growing up, and homeless for a large part of it, and I remember her spending a fair amount of that time unemployed too.
The whole time, she berates me for stupid shit, calls ME lazy, and sits on the couch all day watching bad tv.
Am I the Asshole if I say "Fuck it" and move out?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 18,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
8WWB8wFQdvusvlFLnftwvV380jUZojST
|
ao8m4f
|
{
"description": "forgetting my friend's birthday",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for forgetting my friend's birthday?
|
So, I have a serious problem with birthdays, I can't memorize dates since always, the only birthday that I remember is my brother's one because its like some days apart (If you ask me now my mother's birthday, I would say you "I don't know")
It's not that I don't care, I just CAN'T remember, I simply can't
So, one day, out of nowhere my internet friend left the cell chat group and closed and started tweeting things like "I don't need friends" (We only have twitter because Facebooks is... bad)
He said that no one remembered his birthday and he doesn't wanted to talk to me, I was a little upset and responded something between the lines of "You don't tried to give a hint to anyone that was your birthday, how you want us to remember? If you told us, we could have bought steam gifts"
After some days he came back like nothing was happened and after 1 year the group exploded and everyone gone separate ways
AITA in this moment?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
NlAIv41WUqGURKPRbgCPRQ57knDiYMHT
|
ac7wc3
|
{
"description": "not wanting a friend to tag along on an event",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting a friend to tag along on an event
|
My best friend and I are attending a formal valentines ball together to commemorate our friendship. Sounds silly I know but I’m kind of single (as in dating but no serious prospects for this event that is for Valentine’s Day) and we found out the ball was on the same day we met last year so it’s super important and we kinda got all weepy about it... Suffice it to say it’s just super important to us.
I haven’t said anything to either of them and am unlikely too, but sometimes this friend really makes me uncomfortable - she makes fun of me to my best friend and my best friend always has to defend me. She also tends to monopolize the conversation most of the time she is around. I try very hard to include her in so much we do, in all our conversations when she is around, and activities that we plan, but she tends to get super offended if we do things when she is working or if anything ever happens without her.
I happened to get my best friend a necklace, I bought it for her because it was similar to one I had that she loved. When the other friend saw my best friend wearing it, she asked her where she got it, and when she found out I got it for her, she said “But what about me?”
I feel like “but what about me” is like her tag line tbh. I buy my best friend food a lot (so I can make sure she eats because she doesn’t always take care of herself) and any time I do this and don’t buy the other friend something she gets upset. She also gets mad when we go to the bar without her because she doesn’t have any money (which is a lot).
She also got really mad when my best friend drunkenly told her how I reacted when I heard she was coming out one night (she had a recent DUI and no license, I didn’t want her driving, though the reason she got a DUI was because she went out with other friends and we wouldn’t have let her drive like that, we always send her home in an Uber or take her home with us) she got really pissed and thought I didn’t want her around.
AITA for not wanting the friend to tag along? For just not wanting to deal with her for a night and have my best friend night? I’ll never say it but it’s got me so disappointed. But I feel like a complete asshole because part of me thinks she’s like this because she’s just starved for attention, and because I feel like maybe part of me just wants my best friend to myself more, which is weird I guess... like jealousy or greed or something...? I don’t know.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
6Z0UIaGci63zvN8dWedTl3U0f9RnI3s8
|
aiv14r
|
{
"description": "dropping her on her birthday",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For dropping her on her birthday?
|
This girl and I have been a “couple” for a while now. We took a little break for a month or two, but during that break she had a thing with some other guys. I didn’t have anything (which I’m okay with).
Once we got back together, she seemed perfectly normal. She told me about her experience while on the break, which didn’t bother me too much. That was until she didn’t stop bringing up the guys. I asked her to stop and that I wasn’t going to continue if she kept saying stuff about them. (Ex: “*Name* was so hot and funny but I blocked him now. I’m loyal to you. Here’s a picture of him. He was cool.” Blah blah blah). Keep in mind that we’ve been back together for two months at this point. I never brought up any past relationships unless she asked, she just brought them up daily.
Not only would she bring them up, she would also slightly change the story each time. For example, she said she blocked one and then the next week they were still friends? Who knows.
Eventually I just told her that enough was enough and I’ve asked her too many times to leave them in the past. I don’t trust her. This lead me to split with her and block her. And of course, it had to be on her birthday. (I still really like her now I just was tired of it). Now her friends are texting me telling me I’m the asshole.
Help? AITA? I’ll provide more context if you need it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
L33NOqrFyOiVM0TFlqLh1K8kprjL3CBG
|
akeor7
|
{
"description": "not wanting my roommates friends to come over",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my roommates friends to come over?
|
Sorry for any formatting mistakes, I’m mobile.
For context, I live with my brother and we’ve gotten in multiple arguments about boundaries of being roommates vs siblings. My brother has admitted that he’s oblivious to the point of being inconsiderate, and I tend to get annoyed easily. I also get chronic headaches that last for days (which he knows about), but I’ll get more to that later.
We’ve gotten into an argument about him bringing someone over before (it was 3:30am on a weekday and I work a 9-5) and they were so loud that they woke me up when they were outside the apartment complex.
He told me that he can’t read my mind about noise, so we decided on a compromise of me texting him if his friends were being too loud. That’s doable, right?
Last night he brought his friends over after they went to a bar. It was only midnight, but I told him earlier in the day that I had a headache and wasn’t feeling well, so I was trying to sleep. They went to hang out in his room with the door closed, and I closed my door as well and turned on my tv for a little bit of background noise to drown them out, but I could hear them over my TV and through two doors so I texted him letting him know.
They responded by getting louder, and the next morning my brother told me that one of them upon learning I texted him asking him to quiet down said “fuck that” and wanted to play the guitar outside of my door.
I told him that if his friends were going to be that rude when I was trying to compromise like we had discussed before, I didn’t want them coming over because they made me uncomfortable and he responded by telling me he would bring his friends over “whenever the fuck he wants.”
I’ve told him before that his friends make me uncomfortable for other reasons, but their comment last night made me feel like I’m not even welcome in my own home.
All of his friends live alone and he’s the only one with a roommate but they always choose to hang out at our place. I’ve asked him if they could hang out at their houses a little more often, especially on weekdays, but he told me that he doesn’t have to do anything and that he’ll bring his friends over whenever he wants and that I don’t control him.
AITA for not wanting them to come over?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
5djcVM1VpcwmJ7qei6uHTnqg2UIlBY60
|
al2nv8
|
{
"description": "telling my neighbor to stop snow blowing my driveway",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my neighbor to stop snow blowing my driveway?
|
Neighbor (let’s call him Steve) is retired. I work from home. Steve has designated himself as the neighborhood watch. I’ve always been civil and have just wrote him off as a harmless, bored retiree.
Steve has been nice enough to snow blow our driveway a few times over the last few years. Yesterday he did our driveway and apparently ran over a newspaper which obviously shredded it to pieces. There is no way anyone could have seen this newspaper due to the fresh snow.
Steve was mad that I didn’t have the courtesy to pick up my newspaper. I asked if his snow blower was damaged and he said it was. He then started getting loud and said he “doesn’t have to do this for me, and I could at least pick up the newspaper”
He then told me that when he snow blows, I need to come outside and shovel out my car and move it for him.
At this point, I was trying to take care of a screaming baby. I just said sure, and sorry for the hassle because I wanted to get back to my son. Later that night I decided to tell Steve that while we appreciated him doing it, please don’t snow blow the driveway anymore.
This is where things got weird. He started saying I was being mean to him and INSISTED that he’ll continue to do it. I should note we never asked Steve to do this, but to be nice we brought him dinner or a six pack regularly to say thanks. He continued to say he was still going to do it whether or not I wanted him to. I had to make it very clear to Steve that he is not to snow blow my driveway anymore. He stared at me for a second and said “if that’s how you want to be about it, then fine!” And stormed inside.
I am more than capable of shoveling my own driveway. I never asked for him to do it, but made sure to show my appreciation. At the same time, I don’t want someone giving me orders. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Fzkw1d9WmOgIbphalVirEYxoEQ41miN5
|
b47ah8
|
{
"description": "ghosting a guy because of his taste in films",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 33
}
|
AITA for ghosting a guy because of his taste in films?
|
I'll keep this short. I met a guy on a dating app, seemed nice enough and also pretty good looking so I agreed to go on a date with him. We had drinks and got talking, I mentioned how I was really into film because it naturally came up and he said that he was too, we just talked about current movies a bit like Captain Marvel (although I'm usually not that into Hollywood films) and I mentioned how I had an account on letterboxd and asked him if he had one too.
Turns out he did. At home I decided to check out what he had been watching. I must have gotten the wrong impression of him because his taste in films was absolutely terrible. He gave Fight Club a 5/5 and wrote a long essay review on how it perfectly encapsulated his views on society.
Didn't really want to talk to him after seeing that anymore so I just ghosted him. Am I the asshole for this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 32,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 33
}
|
WRONG
|
WREUxXkCEA4xh4IIsyKZfbRvD7AwgezV
|
b6hidc
|
{
"description": "wanting some money back from my boyfriend after he broke up with me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for wanting some money back from my boyfriend after he broke up with me?
|
I (17F) was dumped a couple days ago by my (18M) boyfriend. Things are obviously quite fresh and his reason for breaking up was ‘to work on himself’ I spoke to him yesterday and he said he still loves me and if he didn’t have his mental health issues he would still be with me, which I can accept. But during the course of our relationship I gave him quite a lot of money and spent a lot on him, and it was not given back. For his birthday I gave him £90 which is a 1/4 of my pay, and it didn’t leave me with much. Also here and there I would give him £10 because he was short, he does not have a job. Part of me wants to let it stay in the relationship and the part of me thinks I want some money back because I didn’t get much out of it. We were only together for 5 months and I would say I spent about £900 on him all together. I am not asking for it all, but some would be nice.
So AITA if I ask for some money back?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 12
}
|
WRONG
|
3RlXI5ZzZYxBdrj86L2ZYb6y1pIxh5M5
|
a013qv
| null |
AITA if I cancel?
|
Got really drunk last night and am pretty hung over, but I asked my mom if she wanted to hang out today and I feel bad cancelling. Should I suck it up and go, even tho I might throw up walking up the stairs to her house, or can I tell her I'm hungover and I dont wanna go out anymore?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
gNNDyOall71sHpNKgf8ra5JVtvqWlaTH
|
9whwto
|
{
"description": "telling my roommate that I can't afford for our heat to be turned on to 75 degrees",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my roommate that I can’t afford for our heat to be turned on to 75 degrees (Fahrenheit)?
|
My roommate and I live in a small apartment. Shared bathroom, two bedroom, open kitchen/living area. We’re in northeast Georgia (the us state) and so temps are getting low. Our apartment hasn’t gotten below 69 deg with heating and air off but yesterday she turned the heat up to 75 deg. I find this really high but more importantly I cannot afford that. That will raise are electric bill drastically, something I’ve experienced in the past. I support myself, pay student loan bills, medical bills, and I’ve been helping my unemployed mom and sister. My roommate is a grad student with no job so she doesn’t seem to have to worry about money. When I let her know that 75 was going to cost a lot because the heat would basically have to run constantly she responded with “it’ll only go up a little and I need to study.” I suggested she use a blanket, wear heavier clothes, get a small space heater, and do other things she hasn’t tried. She told me she doesn’t want to. I told her she can also study on campus where it might be warmer but she refused that.
Then what really irritated me is she said that since I was just worried about the cost then that’s not a good enough reason. I told her that, no, that’s not my only reason, I also won’t be able to sleep in that high heat and having heat running constantly increases our risk for a fire. But also I don’t get paid much (I’m a research professional at the same university she goes to and just graduated in May) and I can’t afford our electric bills to get higher than the $30 we each pay.
Am I the asshole here? I gave her suggestions and compromised by agreeing to leave the temp at 70 deg so it will always stay that temp because it’s automatic. I would keep it down around 65 deg if I could to avoid paying for heat but I recognize that I live with someone else.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
fxB8JroA09Sg6xkledmhf3MNpBt0oDlm
|
b0ctq3
|
{
"description": "never doing anything with no reward attached",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for never doing anything with no reward attached?
|
So backstory, I try my best not too be malicious. Anyway, ever since I was a kid people have complained that I only do things when I get something out of it. When I was little I only behaved if I knew we were gonna go to McDonalds that night, I've only really opened up to girls when I see sex in the future, I go eat with friends because of the food, not the company, and basically drop out if I don't like the food.
I don't dislike anyone, I'm not trying to be a dick, but I've always had the instinct to only put in effort when there is something to gain. People have called me egotistical, but I never do anything to hurt anyone else.. I just only apply myself where there is a tangible benefit. Is this wrong, am I a complete asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
3FKtJgrQKiEujdBSXAlgzX07lOXV7jQl
|
a4ze79
|
{
"description": "thinking my friend shouldn't get another pet",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for thinking my friend shouldn't get another pet?
|
So my friend loves having pets. She currently has two dogs and two cats. Her frog died two days ago and she's looking to replace it with either another frog or a lizard. I'm not sure she knows the cause of death for the frog and plans to reuse its container for her new pet, which I'm not sure is a great idea if the cause of death is not known.
She is chronically ill and lives in an abusive situation with a sibling and her mom's boyfriend who both constantly berate her and the brother hits her. Her mom does nothing to help.
(She's an internet friend and I've suggested calling the cops, especially after the last time her brother beat her, but she claims it's not a possibility because she doesn't have anywhere else to go, has no income, doesn't have access to any sort of birth certificate, ID, etc since her mom has it all and won't hand it over. I don't know what else I can do from a distance.)
She's planning on leaving soon to stay in a hotel or something, but I'm unclear how this will work financially for her and the last thing I think she needs to add while looking for another place to live is another pet, especially when she already has two dogs and two cats she wants to bring with her. She's constantly saving money up for medical treatments and medications and anything to make her more comfortable/feel like she's in less pain, which is understandable, but a new pet would add more unnecessary costs especially because all of her income comes from commissions and she pays for everything pet-related herself.
Other friends have said I'm extremely insensitive since her pets make her happy and what she needs in her situation is some happiness even if it comes from pets. Which I totally get. My pets make me happy too. But I'm not in the process of trying to escape abusive family with not much of a plan at all and no income.
AITA for thinking it's a bad idea for my friend to get another pet in her situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
mMPy89OMixGabQKFAfkPgQmvlVUEsSbQ
|
a8x3c7
|
{
"description": "moving on too soon",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for moving on too soon?
|
My girlfriend (18) and I (f18) broke up after being together for 3 years. She broke up with me after distancing herself and pushing me away. She told me she had to work on herself and couldn’t do so with us together. I was heartbroken, sobbing, couldn’t eat or sleep for days. Finally after about a week I jokingly downloaded tinder, after finding out she “jokingly” made one the day we broke up, just to feel validation after feeling like shit for weeks. I ended up getting quite a few matches and talking to a few other girls. My ex finds out and started telling our friends she had a breakdown over finding me on tinder. Now she unfollowed me on all social medias and is trying to get our friends to turn on me- even though SHE broke up with ME. Am i the asshole here for trying to have fun and move on?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ZZZ8ZeazfkAimVmegxQyaBSdHrcxCmcS
|
ayystf
|
{
"description": "not breaking up with my boyfriend although it makes my best friend feel really bad",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not breaking up with my boyfriend although it makes my best friend feel really bad?
|
BF: boyfriend
BFF: best friend (hO this might be confusing)
to make things short both me, BF and BFF are part of a close-knit friend group where everyone cares deeply about each other. i started going out with BF a month ago knowing that BFF had feelings for me; BF knew too and BFF knew that i didn't love him back romantically. it sounds complicated but not really AITA-y yet right?
the thing is, BFF is severely depressed. he's been harming himself for 3 months now and the fact that his biggest crush that he had been crushing on for more than a year, who also happens to be his best friend, is going out with one of his closest friends absolutely devastates him. it doesn't help with his non-existent self-esteem either. he's genuinely the best friend i could ever have and i feel really bad for the fact that i'm going out with BF, even thought it's not like i have any romantic love for BFF.
i've been trying to refrain from talking about BF to BFF but BFF is my best friend after all and i can't help but share things with him. i've asked him countless times if he was ok with it and every time he answered he was really fine but i found his post on r depression where he talks about feeling like shit because he isn't loved back.
AITA for still being in a relationship? and i know that this reddit isnt the best place to ask for emotional advice but how do i deal with this?
(might delete later in case BFF or BF sees this)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 6,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
6cdun5OhvF6esScCb51WmFj6vDbbXzlb
|
b3u2ub
|
{
"description": "telling my roommate she was wrong to host a party in our apartment",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for telling my roommate she was wrong to host a party in our apartment?
|
I’m a college student living in an off-campus apartment with three other roommates.
Last week, during midterms, one of my roommates texted our roommate group chat saying “I’m hosting a pregame at our place in two days on Thursday.” I responded by letting her know that I was okay with it only if they did not plan to be loud since I had a big paper due the next morning. Another roommate also said that she wasn’t sure she was comfortable with a large gathering in our apartment since she had a 30 page paper due that night and a test in the morning. Neither of us expressly said no, because we didn’t want to ruin her night, but we both expressed discomfort. The final of my three roommates responded by telling the wanna-be hostess that if other people had work to do, then it probably was not a good idea to host a pregame.
The night of the party arrived, and the living room of our apartment was filled with people. It turns out that not only was this gathering a pregame, it was also a 21st birthday party for the hostess, who’s birthday was a few days prior. While we tried to study in our rooms, there was loud music playing and shouting, and it basically sounded like we lived in a bar. After asking the hostess to please get her guests to be more quiet, the noise only got louder. They only stayed from about 9 to 11, but in that time they made it incredibly difficult to do work and managed to dirty our living room and kitchen, which are the main places where we all do homework.
In the past, this roommate that hosted the party has told us in advance that the rest of the roommates needed to be quiet on certain days because she had exams, and I think we’ve complied to the best of our abilities. We have several mutual friends over to watch TV a few nights every week from 9-12, and we probably talk loudly, so I understand asking us to be quiet. Because she previously asked us to be quiet for her, I thought it seemed unfair that our roommate would ignore other people’s requests to have the apartment stay quiet.
The next day, another roommate and I talked to her, told her that we didn’t appreciate her having a loud party last night, and that in the future, we would like her to ask 3 days in advance if she plans on holding a similar event.
She responded by telling us that it was unfair of us to complain because we made loud, distracting noises while we watched TV, and that she never asked us to be quiet even though we distracted her. She also said that, since it was her birthday celebration, we made her feel like she was unwanted and shouldn’t celebrate. I told her that I didn’t have a problem with her having a party, I just wish she’s asked sooner because the night she chose to have it wasn’t a good time. I also said that in the future if she felt we were being too loud, she should text us and let us know, and that we would do the same for her.
Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
YNeWtvApLAJEiWqRww1AuKyY6ocAm31h
|
axp0b7
|
{
"description": "going to bed when future mother-in-law irritated me",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for going to bed when future mother-in-law irritated me?
|
My fiancee is no longer really speaking to her mother for unrelated reasons, but her mother recently texted her saying I was a "psycho bitch" for this particular incident. I'm wondering if maybe I was in the wrong.
My fiancee and I are a same sex couple and have been together going on three years. We've lived together around two years, including around a year in our current apartment. Her mother came to visit a few months ago, and I wasn't totally thrilled (she is very religious, conservative, and anti-science. I usually just avoid those topics, but it bugs me hearing about how she treated my fiancee when she came out). Anyway, she kept trying to bring up religion (I'm agnostic, probably leaning toward to atheist side of things) and I was polite, but would change the subject. For example:
FMIL: Where do you go to church?
Me: Oh, my sister used to sing for the church choir at (redacted) Episcopal, so I still go there when she's visiting sometimes.
FMIL: Well, [fiancee] can't get married there with you. We're Presbyterian.
Me: We haven't really made any solid plans for where we're having the ceremony yet. We're trying to find food vendors right now, and they're all so pricey. Do you know any good food vendors?
Kind of trying to organically change the subject like that.
She tried to dig in with religion multiple times until I was finally like, "Hey, I'm not really that religious. I don't really like talking about it because I don't really know much about it," or something to that effect.
She told me I needed to learn more to get myself "right with the Lord" and I said she was probably right, which seemed to satisfy her. She seemed to drop it after that.
Later that night, we were all sitting in the living room and I was working on a Biology assignment that was due in a few days. At this point, my future sister-in-law had joined us. Future mother-in-law glanced at my textbook then said, "Evolution is a load of crap. It should be illegal to teach that stuff." She said this with a tone, like she was trying to start an argument with me. At this point, I was over it, and said I was going to go to bed to work on homework and left the room with my textbook and laptop.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 10,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
VgF0WAH8liuRGGPEgTQ9BPkJGNur8ZfN
|
aoubxq
|
{
"description": "taking my 10lb dog to the dog park",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for taking my 10lb dog to the dog park?
|
So I live in a small city that doesn’t have a lot of dog parks. One just opened near me, and I was ecstatic. My dog is super friendly, hyper, and great with other dogs.
But here’s the thing: he’s a 10lb toy poodle. He always plays great with other dogs, is never aggressive, and some of his best friends are an 80lb Bernese mountain doodle and a 70lb pit bull/Rhodesian ridgeback mix. My dog is perfectly happy playing with dogs a lot bigger than him, and he can generally hold his own. And, I keep a close eye on him to make sure everything is going okay. He loves the park. It’s the highlight of his day. And it makes me so happy to see him be happy.
Anyways, every now and then, there will be a dog at the dog park that is overly aggressive, has behavioral issues, or won’t leave my dog alone. Last night, a dog who was maybe 40lbs got obsessed with my dog, was barking in my dog’s face nonstop and trying to nip at him. And when my dog came to hide between my feet, and I bent down to pet him and reassure him, the other dog lunged at my dog, almost knocked me over, and and nipped my dog so hard that he started screamed.
I tried to intervene, and I couldn’t because the aggressive dog kept dancing away when I got close, and then lunging at my dog to bite him again. I called the owner over and asked him to control his dog.
The owner went on a rant at me about how **I** was the asshole for bringing my small dog to the park (there’s no small dog area or other dog park anywhere near us). He said that small dogs have no place at the park, and he shouldn’t have to worry about his dog hurting a small dog “by accident” when his dog is just “playing normally.”
I took my dog and left, but it made me angry, and got me to thinking. Why should the onus be on me to protect my dog from over-aggression? To me, this seems similar to victim blaming. He thinks it’s not his dog’s fault for being aggressive, it’s my dog’s fault for being so small and easy to bully. It reminds me of when people tell women it’s their fault they got assaulted because they put themselves in a dangerous situation for drinking alcohol or wearing revealing clothes.
And, his 40lb dog plays with 70lb dogs all the time, and the 70lb dog owners would never dream of telling him not to bring his dog to the park because he’s “too small to play safely.” So why should a 40 lb dog owner be able to tell me that?
I get that I should protect my dog and not put him in dangerous situations. But as I’ve already said, my dog has NEVER had a problem playing with dogs that are significantly larger than him, **unless** the other dog is aggressive and has behavioral issues. And when that happens, I remove my dog from the situation.
So, am I the asshole for taking a 10lb dog to the park? Should I just give up on my dog’s happiness, so that people with aggressive dogs don’t have to put any time or effort into training their dogs?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
PzTzduwTWQKGvlnUfDaaExmW5t5xe6L1
|
9ww3f6
|
{
"description": "messing up with Crush",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For Messing Up With Crush?
|
TL;DR: Girl loses interest after ex stops by. I act like an ass then apologize. She "wants to be friends" then disappears.
I started talking this girl (online) and we really hit out off. We texted for a few days and had a "maybe" to meet. She bailed the day of, because her cousins birthday party ran long. I said I would like to meet her this week but next week is okay if she wanted to talk more. We texted/talked on the phone with plans to do something the next Saturday.
Saturday rolls around and she bails again! She texts me ~2.5 hours after we were supposed to meet and said she's sorry. She said she left her phone in the car during an office party and she also had the time wrong.. I accepted it and said how about tomorrow? Then she mentions her cousin was planning to kidnap her and bring her back sometime tomorrow.
The next day she texts Hey and gives me the sidestep. After nearly the entire day she agrees to meet me. We hang out at her house and have a relaxed time. The next day she's even more open.
Without disclosing too many details on here, her ex came by after a really crappy day and did something nice for her. This is the same ex she's been out of a relationship with for 5 months; they dated 4 years and were supposed to get married that Halloween. She said it never worked between them and that they were still friends. The Sunday I met her I could tell she still liked him. That Monday after the visit she went to bed earlier than usual. The next day she was super distant w/ me, where she had been wanting more all the time.
In hindsight I should have done something different, but I mentioned she still had feelings for her ex and I liked her way too much for how much she seemed to like me. I also said that we should be friends (which is what she said she wanted anyway, most of the time). This really struck a nerve with her! She got mad and maybe blocked me? She didn't respond except for one text, so I assume she did.
Anyway, 9 days later I message her on the dating app and apologize. My timing was awful but I never knew where I stood with her (so many mixed signals). It didn't help I mentioned this (ex thing) on the 30th, when she probably had a lot on her mind.
She sends back "I would like to be friends", but doesn't respond to anything after that. I may have waited too long. She may have lost interest. In any case, **am I the asshole**?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
lrk38WZWMShxqjk3psBNxhh8F6dhfICN
|
aejpnw
|
{
"description": "telling my friend I should shoot his dying dog",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 21
}
|
AITA for telling my friend I should shoot his dying dog
|
My friend was telling me how he is going to put down his dog soon. I think that being injected by poison is a pretty bad way to go, especially as a dog in a room that is unfamiliar. I told my friend instead of having your dogs last memories be spent being poisoned, I would shoot his dog with a shotgun to get it over quick and the dog would be in a happy place.
My friend seemed a little upset.
Am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 21,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 21
}
|
WRONG
|
NHwBeKRDg6Ie8WlnozXfxu0y94zsg828
|
9xzumi
|
{
"description": "wanting to have sex with someone who was recently discharged from a mental hospital",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA to want to have sex with someone who was recently discharged from a mental hospital
|
So there’s this girl I’ve been seeing for a few weeks. We’ve messed around before but (tmi) we don’t get very far because she breaks down crying (turns out she’s a virgin and hasn’t given a blowjob etc). She does this thing where sometimes she’s hypersexual and sometimes she breaks down crying, panic attacks, etc. She said before that she wants to wait a few months to have sex but then she’ll go and mess around with me so I don’t think she’s sure. It’s just frustrating. Obviously I wouldn’t do anything unless she agreed to it though
So anyway, about a week ago she attempted suicide and yesterday she was discharged from the mental hospital. She lost her housing last week so I agreed to take her in since she doesn’t have family to stay with.
My question is is it really that bad to have sex with her if we’re fooling around and she says yes? Like if we’re both consenting adults then what’s the big deal?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
Ulji5vgB5YmkyEHKNXG7YEwU96ewo2WX
|
ax7oh5
|
{
"description": "selling my little brothers computer",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA for selling my little brothers computer?
|
this computer was mine before i purchased and built a new one, i5 1050 ti 250 ssd etc. Didn't need money or anything just wanted to teach him a lesson.
​
He is my little brother, 14 years old (me 22), i love him to bits but he has gotten to this edgy phase in his life, he has become extremely disrespectful to me and my mom, gets extremely violent or aggressive when he doesn't get his way, and is generally a cunt, if i buy takeout for the family and don't eat it right away say i go for a nap or something, he'll eat my portion without a thought, even if he has ate his he'll eat mine.
​
when i confront him about it he'll say he didn't know, like i bought everyone they're separate dish and he already ate his but he'll take mine too, call me randomly names while i'm on the phone or on discord w/ friends.
​
so one day i had enough of his disrespect and picked up everything i bought him and sold it to a friend, my mother called me heartless and that was the worst thing i could have ever done, and 2 days after bought him another computer, his behavior has not changed and he still acts the same, calling my mother a bitch and all that.
​
only lesson he has learned from me selling the computer is if he crys to momma he'll get whatever he wants(and he knows this because he said it to me)
​
am i the asshole for selling my little brothers computer to try and teach him a lesson?
​
​
​
​
​
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 12,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 17
}
|
WRONG
|
h6oV4jDAe8th1yayOgx5Sj0g50tIfQTl
|
am99un
|
{
"description": "rating this delivery driver poorly",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I rated this delivery driver poorly?
|
Okay so normally I'm not the "complain to the manager" type... but when I use apps and they ask me to rate things, I try to do so honestly.
In this case I'm using an app which you order food for delivery, and afterward it asks about the food, the app experience and the delivery. It also automatically adds a 15 or 20% gratuity, and I always put 20%.
If you had a negative experience, they actually offer you credit on the app or a refund, so unless I'm missing food or anything...
I mean, I know how to use the app, so no issues = +1, I got the right food = +1, the driver delivered said food = +1, right?
Right, well tonight I ordered chinese food. I live in an apartment building so the drivers always call, and I go downstairs and meet them in the lobby of the building.
So tonight the driver calls and says he's downstairs. I go down (I'm in my slippers, it's not like I'm going outside?) and... he's not in the lobby. I go to the door and he's not even parked... he's sitting in the car in the middle of the road in front of the building. He gestures kind of impatient, hands me the food and 3 drinks with no cup holder, and as he does he says quite abruptly. "Please hurry, it's too cold and I have many orders."
... I know I have a right to be annoyed. I'm cold too. That's why I ordered food instead of going outside (in coat and boots rather than slippers) to get my own.
However, if I complain on the app (it's asking if I was pleased with the delivery itself: I'm not) I don't know how that will affect the driver.
So... WIBTA if I rate him poorly, or is it best to be honest? Is it even worth being irritated about?
(The food was warm enough, and other than wet slippers and a slight chill, I'm fine)
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
u7i6phDFY0qv95VLNyhYvWxXKqLAPBpW
|
b07ia5
|
{
"description": "leaving my friend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for leaving my friend?
|
This was last year,around August or July.
I went to a summer camp for a week with some other kids in my school.That year,my brother left this school so i had one close friend.Let's call her Anne.Anne was always by my side,helping me when the other kids in my class bullied me constantly.Usually i'd go to my brother and his friends but since he left,i was by myself. Every time i was alone,Anne would come by my side and eat lunch with me.
At the camp,some of my other friends were there and my closest friends and i were all in the same tent. One day,Anne was being moody so one of my other friends,who i'll call Mary, and i were hanging out most of the day.Anne stayed in the tent,supposedly crying,and Mary and i tried to get her to come out.We told her that we were going to eat and that she should come too but we were lying,the cafeteria wasn't open yet.Anne came out of the tent and went to the cafeteria but stormed back to the tent when she realized we lied.She called her mom from one of the staff's phones and eventually,she left from the camp.
When school started again,Anne wasn't there and we found out she went to a different school.I stopped hanging out with Mary when i found out she was best friends with my main bullies.Now,i have two very close friends and some other friends that i talk to and hang out with.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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awr5pb
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{
"description": "refusing to wash the dishes for my mom",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA For refusing to wash the dishes for my mom?
|
I've been helping out my family a bit more recently and I've been doing chores like washing the dishes as well. Recently my sisters have been using the internet on every device possible and they keep telling me that they want me to wash the dishes or clean the house for them. Now, I've been trying to watch this show (it will remain unnamed) and the total amount of time in all the episodes combine is 6 hours. With all the buffering, it's taken me 6 days to binge this one 6 hour show. All I want is to watch the last episode in peace, then my sister asks me to wash the dishes for my mom. I tell her that I'll wash them when I'm able to finish the last episode. To give you a bit of reference, it can take upwards of 2 hours to watch one 20 minute episode. They're trying to tell me that I'm an asshole and being unreasonable, but I would like your guy's opinions. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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aupi0v
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{
"description": "making a girl cry because of a project",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for making a girl cry because of a project
|
Our project got a bad grade because it wasn't finished. This girl, lets call her sue doesn't have an email so she couldn't help us since we were working on google drive but this other girl lets call tonya, has an email but havnt helped over the time we had to work on it which was 1 week, so sue doesn't help at all because apparently the teacher said "she doesn't have to do the work". Even though a gmail takes less than 5 minutes to make. I try to make 3 slides and it worked but didn't know what to do next, then on the due date. Its time to present, Tonya is absent and sue barely helps, i try to type details for the project but sue didn't like it so she deleted the words, its my turn to present, i have to read because sue said the teacher said i should read since i did most of the work if course, i have one empty slide and the sue cries because we fail. And what really pissed me off is the teacher just scolded me while sue who barely did shit gets a free pass while everyone is comforting her and I'm the enemy. Am i the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "dating the girl that my best friend chose to stop seeing after a few dates",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for dating the girl that my best friend chose to stop seeing after a few dates?
|
Hi all, I’m 34/M, my friend is 35/M and the girl is 32/F.
Long story short, he met this girl on tinder a month ago. They went on a few dates and he brought me along on one, which is where I met her. We had a great conversation and all three of us have the same interests.
After a few dates he told her there was no chemistry and moved on. I asked him why and he said she’s a bit chubby and average looking, and that she hadn’t had sex with him even though they’d been on 4 dates (she always paid for her own stuff and never asked him for anything, by the way) so he passed. She took the news fine and wished him well.
I asked him kind of jokingly for her number and he gave it to me. I texted her and we started talking, now we are getting ready for our third date tomorrow. I really like this girl and I told my friend as much. He hasn’t said it outright, but I can tell by his mannerisms that he doesn’t like the fact that she and I are a better match than she and he were.
Am I the asshole here?
TLDR: AITA for dating the girl that my best friend chose to stop seeing after a few dates?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a6l8x2
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{
"description": "not wanting a relationship due to the possibility of cheating",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
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|
AITA for not wanting a relationship due to the possibility of cheating?
|
Kind of a bait-y title, I'll admit...but if I have your attention...
Some background info, I am a guy in his mid-20s and never have had been in a relationship. Yes, I've recently upgraded to having an exclusive, VIP Black V-card.
So here's the thing, there was once a time when I wanted to be in a relationship with someone badly. Lucky for me, I have had a few dates throughout my life sprinkled in here and there. Except they were never really more than just dates. It never really panned out-- some of the reasons being me being super awkward about the whole dating thing to finding some of the girls just not relationship material.
But as the years pass I've increasingly noticed that the whole dating/relationship scene is kind of fucked. More specifically, I find the rampant issue of cheating to be disturbing. I mean I've seen some of my friends and acquaintances being affected by a partner who cheated on them and it just gets to me. While I'm still open to the idea of being in a relationship, I now tend to err on the side of caution when interacting with girls who show interest. Because I don't want to be cheated on. (Nor do I want to cheat on anyone...in case that needed saying.)
I understand that not everyone cheats and that there are good people out there. I get it. At the same time I am genuinely curious as to find out whether I'm the asshole for even thinking like this.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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adb4l3
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{
"description": "not taking my friend to the ER",
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"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for not taking my friend to the ER?
|
Me and my friend (let's call him "Rob") are males in our mid/late 30s. He's been a close friend of mine for almost 20 years now. I'm married with two kids, but Rob is single and lives alone. He's a bit of a hypochondriac, and suffers from crazy anxiety. Last summer he recently moved to my neighborhood after living out of state for 5 years. Over the years Rob has called me to ask about various health issues he's been dealing with. Everything from skin stuff to stomach/digestive stuff, to mental/emotional stuff. I've always tried to be supportive and helpful, and give him the best advice I know how.
A couple months ago (after moving back here) he asked if I could take him to the ER because he was having shortness of breath, tightness in his chest, high heartrate, etc... So I took him, even though it was a really bad time for me and caused some issues with my wife because I had to drop what I was doing. His diagnosis ended up being "stress", I believe.
The reason it was an issue is my life is fairly tightly scheduled: Our oldest son is severely autistic and has *all* the ADHD (it's pretty bad). He's 6 years old, non-verbal, and requires heavy therapy and \_constant\_ attention, and it's severely draining on my wife and I. Luckily I work from home and have a flexible work schedule, otherwise I'm not sure what we'd do lol. Basically taking any kind of time away from my family is a \_big deal\_. Rob knows this.
This brings me to today.
Rob called me up today while I was out with my family asking if I could take him to the Urgent Care, citing dizziness/light-headedness. He's been expressing feeling under the weather for a few days, so it wasn't terribly surprising.
I texted him and told him I was out and about, but I'd let him know when I get home in about an hour. I said that it was just a bad time for me, that I couldn't make it out of the house right now. I suggested he get Walmart or even 7/11 to deliver some Tylenol or something since they do that in our area, and to keep hydrated and get some rest. I also suggested he call an Uber if he really needed to go the ER/Urgent Care.
He said that he hates being alone and that it was more about having a friend there than the actual logistics of getting a ride.
​
I feel bad for him, I do. I just hate being guilt-tripped when I'm not available at the drop of a hat to go take him to the ER for something that I'm almost positive is going to be a minor cold, or anxiety / stress (as I mentioned there's been a pattern to this kind of thing with him).
​
AITA here for not taking him? He's one of my oldest friends and I value my relationship with him and don't want to de-value it, but I'm starting to feel like there are boundaries being crossed here due to the fact that he's single and lives alone. I'm honestly torn here.
​
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aqz7mp
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{
"description": "wanting to kick my son's mom out of my house",
"pronormative_score": 49,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for wanting to kick my son's mom out of my house?
|
My son's mom and I broke up a year or two ago and she moved out, took the kid (her name is not karen). We had a time sharing agreement and I had him on weekends. She wasn't working so I took more days during the week and paid for child care so she can go out and find a job and do other things with her life besides staying at home and smoking weed. Over the past couple years I've never missed a child support payment, I've worked full time, and I've got my kid as often as I can- i cover all his expense
At the end of last year, she tells me she can't afford her rent anymore.(because she hasn't ever had a steady job). I offer to let her stay at my place if she helped out around the house, found a job, and promised to get back on her feet. I would cover rent and all living expenses and childcare. She accepts my offer. (Note, I didn't do this 100% to help her out... maybe 50%. I mainly wanted to see my son more often, so helping her was convenient ngl)
​
The first few weeks of her being here was not great. She threw all her stuff in my sons room, left a total mess for weeks. I bothered her so much about it, she finally cleaned it. To my perception, she dragged her ass getting a job. It took her a month and half to find one at a fast food place (she starts next week), she spent most of her time partying with her friends, going to festivals, staying at her boyfriends house, going on vacations etc. Most of this stuff makes me very upset because, to me, it does not seem like behaviour a mother should be exhibiting at this point in her life, but also jealous because with my schedule I don't have time to do any of that stuff. I'm working my ass off, with our same time sharing agreement before she moved in.
​
So I bring all this stuff up with her, I let her know that I don't feel like it's fair and I'm pretty upset about all of it. Then she rips into my life and calls me basically a deadbeat that's never been around. She insulted me for quite a long time, most of it out-of-touch lies. fake news. but it still hurt me a lot because I feel like ive sacrificed a lot for both her and my son. This isn't the first time she's acted like this with me, basically whenever I try to bring up something that is bothering me she switches to full attack mode.
​
I'd like to kick her out, because she's been so disrespectful with me, but I also feel bad because I told her she could stay here for six months. I'm also afraid that if I retaliate, she'll try to keep me from my son. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
awrhyr
|
{
"description": "feeling like a second choice",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for feeling like a second choice?
|
I started dating my boyfriend a while ago. After we went on our first date, he let me know that another girl he had been talking to was interested in him again, and he'd like to give it another shot with her. I had no problems with that, and I let him know as much.
A week later, he texted me, and told me that he let the other girl know that he was no longer interested in her. He asked me out on another date. I was, obviously, ecstatic and accepted. Two weeks later, we became boyfriend and girlfriend.
That was over a month ago. Tonight, he told me the truth. He had asked the other girl out, and she had said no. Because she said no, he asked me out again.
I asked him the obvious hypothetical: if she had said yes, would he have still denied her and gone out with me? He told me that if she had said yes, he might be dating her now, and that he cant answer me definitively on whether he would be dating me or her.
AITA for feeling that he only asked me out because his first choice said no? Or for being upset that he couldn't tell me whether or not he'd be dating me or her had the circumstances been different?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
3Hi38oSTcZq654JISNFoYIqDy5xymQcr
|
b2ughv
|
{
"description": "taking away friends sleeping arrangements",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA: Taking away friends sleeping arrangements.
|
So my buddies are staying at my house for the night as tomorrow we have a road trip, they are angry at me for taking my blankets (of which I offered for them to use) away, the reason I took them away is because they decided that they should sleep nude. I have rules that when using my blankets they can’t sleep nude, as I don’t want their grimy disgusting dicks and asses touching my blankets. I told them put their clothes on or I’ll take away their blankets and they ignored it, so I took them away and put them in the hamper to be cleaned. So what do y’all think, Am I The Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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DtzGQoiCy4g86hcW1ytEe7ChyL58FbVc
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9ywx83
|
{
"description": "wanting my gf to spend time with me and my friends on my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my gf to spend time with me and my friends on my birthday?
|
I recently acquired a girlfriend who has yet to meet any of my friends aside from a couple here and there. And so today is my birthday, and so naturally I wanted to spend this day with those closest to me- my friends and my SO. She however feels like her presence at a get together for my bday will distract the attention away from me and onto her. Also, she would be uncomfortable having to meet so many new people all at one time. I understand her sentiments, and so I asked if we her and I could just do something during the day instead. However, she has been too busy to buy me a gift yet (something I could care less about) and refuses to see me until she gets me a gift. I told her I just wanted to spend time with her, and that her going to great lengths to avoid spending time with me on my bday was greatly upsetting me, and now she has blocked me on all platforms. Am I the asshole in this? Cause she seems to think so and I would love to hear others opinions please.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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0KKl9YhCoXrAp27IAxmeldYik3kHpJ9z
|
b6hz4k
|
{
"description": "not letting my preteen fly across the country on her own",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting my preteen fly across the country on her own?
|
Trigger warning: some domestic violence/ mental health issues
My father-in-law (FIL) is crap. Physically, verbally & emotionally abusive & regularly cheated on his wife (MIL). The physical abuse stopped when HB had a growth spurt in college. The verbal & emotional abuse mellowed w/ age & health problems (stroke, hypertension, etc).
But FIL is a good grampa. He doted on my kid (MK) & was heartbroken when we had to move to far away years ago for work. The distance strained FIL's & MK's relationship. It's hard to maintain the same kind of closeness when you only see each other on Facetime & a few weeks a year.
FIL's illnesses, it's become harder for them to go out. Most days, they just stay in & watch TV. Their lifestyle, my FIL's health (might be related to his abusive behavior?), he was also diagnosed with anxiety & major depression.
Visiting my in-laws costs A LOT (we have to fly out). It takes a year to save up for it. Last Xmas, we visited for 2 weeks & it was okay. We survived the holidays w/ a verbally abusive man & managed to shield MK from most of it.
Now it's summer break in my country, so HB, MK & I started to make the most of it. We go on short weekend trips, take pics & post them on social media.
My FIL follows our profiles. Apparently, seeing all the fun we've been having made him really depressed. So my sister in law (SIL) & MIL called, practically begging us to visit so my FIL can spend time w/ his only grandkid, MK. They asked for 2 weeks.
Because they asked nicely, MK & I went through our options.
We just spent last Xmas with them, so we don't have enough money for the entire family.
Other option is to let MK fly as an unaccompanied minor but HB & I don't like the idea.
Even if that wasn't a problem, MK's not exactly raring to go.
MK is an active kid, goes to summer music & sports classes for fun. She knows going to my inlaws would mean just sitting in front of the TV with them or going on hospital visits. No malls, movies or museums. Just the house/ hospital.
Last Xmas, MK also witnessed how verbally abusive FIL is to HB & MIL. TBH, this for me is the biggest reason why I don't want her to go. We're not there to protect her.
So we called MIL/ SIL back to tell them that a summer visit isn't an option. We can't afford it & we're not comfortable shipping a minor across the country unaccompanied. We'll make an effort to call FIL more often & tone down the social media posts. We'll save more money so we can spend more time with them this Xmas.
That made us selfish & uncaring assholes.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
r9nNawM0OEoP0zvXACoXPGQc6pJoM8Vk
|
amk8bn
|
{
"description": "not helping this girl",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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}
|
WIBTA for not helping this girl?
|
I worked with a girl, L, on a uni project. Throughout the project we had a weird relationship where sometimes we'd be friendly, but at other times she would be rude to me. For example, she would tell me that I was working really slow, everyday she would hover over me when I was working and remind me to do everything I knew how to do. She would also send coursemates to me with reminders to do stuff, and prevent me from doing certain things because I'd do it too slowly apparently. I put together a tube of reagents we both needed for a future experiment and she watched me do it only to say she'd prefer if we'd used one she'd done. I have dyspraxia so I do things a little bit slower but it doesn't mean that I did anything poorly.
Anyway, we're doing the write-up now and she keeps messaging me asking for help. She said she wants to share ideas with me. However, I know what I'm doing, I kinda feel like that's her problem and I don't want to risk being seen as colluding. I feel like I might be TA though because this is an important piece of work and we're getting close to a deadline, but she's stuck.
**tl;dr: Girl who I had a poor working relationship with now wants my help.**
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
x1SGRvrSaWDUUPn8wAEGVlzuLBsvms9S
|
aslsd0
|
{
"description": "going home on my scheduled flight home",
"pronormative_score": 2,
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}
|
AITA If I go home on my scheduled flight home?
|
This is from a phone so sorry for the format.
I live out of state with my wife. And we both took personal time off to go to both our home towns for my cousins wedding/her family (only because we’re near by/her home town is 2 states away (and we live on the opposite coast)). My wife went home on Monday and I was suppose to as part of our original plan (family doesn’t know this). But since my moms birthday is Thursday I decided to stay longer while she went home. And today (Tuesday) my dad talked to his sister who said I should fly out Sunday so we can have a birthday party for my mom on Saturday. Even though my moms birthday is Thursday. And my original flight is Saturday at 5pm.
I told my mom we can do a brunch with the family on Saturday morning and now my dad is asking me to change my flight to Sunday. So we can have a party Saturday (most people will probably not make a Saturday brunch). I mean yes I can afford it both time off from work and money. But I really like to relax a day from vacation for time to de compress and get things ready for work the next day.
So am I being an asshole for not wanting to change my flight home?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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m3CEg8i3OvBj27EqoG7qK5caIKofpifJ
|
9tvzd9
|
{
"description": "going to south Carolina without my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for going to south Carolina without my girlfriend?
|
So long story short, I moved to South Carolina for a few months to get out of my home town for some time. I had been dating this girl for 3 years and sadly she couldn't come down south with me, so I had to leave her behind for some time. I talked to her every day while I was down there, calling her first thing in the morning and at night. About a month and a half Into my stay down there, she cheated on me and left me for the guy she hooked up with.
Was I an asshole for leaving her even though I intended on coming back home? I feel terrible that she couldn't come and be there with me and I wish I had never left in the first place.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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58YgXyv2D2DdVfJrxh0jhrxcvCpQHK3V
|
aqrx7g
|
{
"description": "being upset that my husband didn't do anything for Valentine's day",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For being upset that my husband didn’t do anything for Valentine’s Day?
|
Obviously, the title makes this sound lame, and it probably is. Today is Valentine’s Day and my husband (29M) and I (22F) typically just do something really small like dinner and small candy gifts.
My husband has a history of not getting me any gift at all for things (Christmas, my birthday, our anniversary etc.) because he typically forgets. Sometimes he’ll get me something retroactively, but sometimes he doesn’t. An important detail is that our birthdays, Valentine’s Day, and our anniversary all fall around the same time of year so it is kind of a lot all at once.
This year we were talking about our birthdays and I said “don’t bother getting me anything.” He argued that he would like to get me something so I said “I want you to make me a nice dinner.” (This is something I have asked him to do for the last 4 holidays and it still hasn’t happened.) He said he would do that. Then I asked about Valentine’s Day and he said “We’re definitely doing something.”
Today, I arranged to have a bakery make a small personal sized cake, chocolate covered strawberries, and a chocolate heart for him. I got off work an hour early and came home to surprise him with it. He stayed home from work today because he is recovering from a fever and cough, but he was 90% better today and went out for errands. He wasn’t home when I got home, which was strange so I tried calling him. He didn’t answer, so I waited about 15 minutes and called again with a follow up text. No answer. I started to get really worried and called another 3 times in a row and still no answer.
About 20 minutes later he calls me back and says “I was getting a haircut, but I’m coming home now. Is everything okay?” I said yes and see you soon.
I thought he would be bringing something back for me for Valentine’s Day. But he came home empty handed, and seemed genuinely surprised that I got him something. I then expressed that I was a little hurt that he didn’t get me anything and his response was “Well, I had planned to get something on the way home but then you called me so many times I thought you were mad I wasn’t home so I just came straight here.”
To me that feels like a BS excuse and he forgot to get me something. I clearly told him on the phone that everything was good and I was just worried about him not answering for so long. I feel like he’s trying to flip it on me, like it’s my fault he couldn’t get me a gift.
So I took the chocolate covered strawberries for myself and I’ve been kind of snippy with him tonight when he asks me what I want to do.
AITA for being upset that he didn’t get me a Valentine’s Day gift?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
ah7jge
| null |
AITA or a NiceGuy™?
|
Idk if this is the right sub, so if there's a better one, let me know.
This goes back a few months. I'm in high school and there's this girl I have a couple classes with. I sat next to her for a whole semester. Ended up developing a crush. I found her ig (I swear I'm not a stalker) and tried hitting her up. I sent a couple messages, tried to get to know her a bit, but she wouldn't text back for a while. I took this as a sign she wasn't interested in talking. So here's where the AMITA part comes in. One day I got impatient and sent a text like "I understand if you don't want to talk, but I would've preferred a text rather than ignoring me". Of course that's the one she saw the soonest. She told me to cut the bs and she was just busy. I apologized a lot but she hasn't texted me back since December 12. I deleted the messages I sent that she hadn't seen, and deleted the convo. I still see her 3 periods a day, but nothing's happened. The class switched seats, we never talk outside of class but she's never approached me about it. Nothing appears bad or sour. Is it safe to assume that she definitely isn't interested now? Does this make me an asshole and/or a niceguy?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
0JxBFTcY81FZBGIDVikQLUew68TaNc7o
|
b7dlcu
|
{
"description": "being mad at my fiancée for trying on my deceased wife's clothing",
"pronormative_score": 67,
"contranormative_score": 119
}
|
AITA for being mad at my fiancée for trying on my deceased wife's clothing?
|
I am a 36 and engaged to my girlfriend, 24, of 1 year. We have been engaged for 2 weeks now.
I am a widower. I was married to my first wife for 11 years, from age 23 to 34. She died almost exactly 2 years ago from a car accident. I was in a really bad place after her death. We also have 4 kids (currently aged 4 to 11) and I was overwhelmed trying to raise them as a single dad.
My current fiancée used to be my eldest daughter's piano teacher. We started dating a year ago. I care for her deeply as she is a very loving and nurturing person who would make a great mother for my kids. The kids really like her as well and get along great.
So leading up to the wedding my fiancée is moving in with me. In the master bedroom, there is a walk-in closet which contains my wife's clothes and other personal items. She was a fashionable woman and owned a lot of nice things. I haven't gotten around to cleaning it out and I never really wanted to anyways. I told my fiancée she could store some of her own clothes in there if there was space.
Yesterday she was unpacking her things in the master bedroom and I walked in, finding her trying on a dress that belonged to my wife. Scattered around her were more clothes that belonged to my wife, like handbags and shoes. I asked my fiancée what she was doing, and she just said 'oh I was just trying on some clothes, no harm in it'. I told her to clean up the clothes immediately and in my anger, I said 'you're stretching out the dress'.
Then my fiancée started crying. I immediately regretted my words. I mean my wife was tall and a size 0 while my fiancée is not, which is NOT an issue, but I knew how it sounded. I apologized but my fiancée was obviously quite hurt, and nothing I said seemed to help. She said I was being an asshole and that I hurt her feelings by 'lashing out' at her.
That being said, I know I shouldn't have implied that she was fat, but AITA for being pissed at my fiancée for trying on my dead wife's clothes without my permission?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
RRVPpZlEudUMkSCIkjOQvb5e4hdVLXjt
|
aypz4y
|
{
"description": "not paying it forward",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For Not Paying It Forward?
|
I was in the drive-through about to pay for my food when the cashier let me know that the driver in front of me had paid for my meal. Awesome, I though!
The cashier then asked me if I wanted to pay for the driver’s meal behind me. I hesitated and thought, with my luck, it’d be a huge order much more than my meal was. Instead of even risking it, I said no thank you and drove off with my free breakfast. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
Hs48DqXLdCfDhCjOB33HfH5L2KdqwlJz
|
afxoa5
|
{
"description": "complaining about/calling the cops on my neighbor's barking dog",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for complaining about/calling the cops on my neighbor’s barking dog?
|
My downstairs neighbor’s dog barks basically any time they leave, for hours - for example, they must be leaving around 7 am now, because I can hear the dog bark from 7 am until when I leave at 7:45. It’s starting to interfere with my sleep and it’s hard to relax in my apartment in the evening when there is constant barking and howling because this poor dog is left all by itself crated for 10+ hours a day.
I have complained to our landlord, and once called the non emergency line for the police, who said they couldn’t do anything unless it was within certain “quiet” hours.
AITA for continuing to kick up a fuss? I probably should have discussed this with them directly first, but the ship has sailed there. Also, how can I more effectively get this to stop?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
glpmFAuCMMv2iSBMJ9RSamxB8SRPkmkm
|
ao9snj
|
{
"description": "cutting ties with a toxic martial arts school",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting ties with a toxic martial arts school?
|
Tl;dr: Cut ties with my old martial arts academy, parents are upset because they waived my tuition.
I've been practicing tae kwon do for almost ten years now and it's like a religion to me. For those who don't know, there is a certain code of conduct that is expected of tae kwon do practitioners. I won't list all the rules, but the general gist is to respect everyone and everything, including yourself, and basically be a decent human being.
Since I was 10, I had been going to an academy close to my home. At first, I was over the moon - I had been waiting for this opportunity to practice for a few years now and it was like my dreams were finally coming true. When I was very young, I had watched martial arts performances and instantly fell in love. My first dream was to achieve my first degree black belt - this would be a big deal because I would be the first black belt in my family. This did eventually come true when I was about 12. This was also the time I began leadership training.
For a while, everything was normal and good, but there was one major problem with my academy - the head master never stayed around for usually more than a year or two. Many of them went on to open other schools elsewhere and we never heard from them again (though one was more understandable, as he had to return to Korea to take care of his sick parents), leading to discontinuity in our curriculum and policies. While it is inevitable that two people won't teach the exact same way, there was just too much discrepancy from one head master to the next. This made it confusing for almost everyone. Additionally, we had "smaller" masters that would often come and go, which made me worry that they were either not being paid well or treated poorly.
Now where it starts getting really bad: I was in my sophomore year of high school, and known as an assistant instructor at this point. For a while, I was getting along with the other assistants and senior instructors all right. I was going out with my first (now ex) boyfriend, though we are still on ok terms now. I'm not sure if he had some mental disability (possibly high functioning autism?) but he was in some special needs classes at my school. Did have some speech impediments but was otherwise pretty normal (he was also a martial artist but at a different academy in the area). On one Saturday, some instructors and assistants were asked to help with a birthday party for one of our students (he wanted it in the academy). While the party is going on, one of the senior instructors who happened to go to the same high school as my then-boyfriend and me (and was the son of one of the head masters) starts poking fun at his disabilities, and gets the other two senior instructors in on it too. They called him a retard, and the ringleader even went as far to DM him on Instagram calling him such. This made me extremely angry, so when I saw the message that my boyfriend had screen shot me, I showed it to the other head master of the time (not the guy's dad - he had heard enough about it from my bf's mom). He brushes it off and asks what my point is. Well, my point is that this behavior is not fitting for martial artists, much less those in positions of leadership. He thinks I'm lying and tells me I should apologize if I'm wrong.
Angry at this display, I tell my own dad about it. I had told him about the offensive DM a few days ago and his immediate response was, "Well, do you think your bf has some challenges?" Essentially the equivalent of asking a rape victim what they were wearing. Then when I tell him about my master's apathy (we'll call him Master A), he proceeds to say I did the wrong thing and I shouldn't have anything to do with this. For a while, I believed he was right and tried to forget everything. I was pretty upset that no one took me seriously and considered leaving the academy then and there. I brought the idea of transferring up to my parents, but they talked me out of it and I ended up staying out of fear of disappointing them. The other instructors hardly said a word to me for a while, only poking fun at me when I made mistakes. Maybe this is just me, but I have felt that they condescended on me for a while too.
Fast forward to sophomore year of college. Master A is gone (opened his own school) and Master B is now the leader ( I think he still is, but I'm not 100% sure). He's pretty nice and reasonable, having waived my tuition for helping teach, but hardly speaks a word of English, making me worry if something like this happens again, he's more likely to believe the person who can speak Korean (I hardly do). I feel bad thinking he would let go of something like what I described above, but it's just made me have trust issues with any form of leadership from this place. I had been visiting my old academy during breaks, and it was pretty much the same deal as before I left for college.
During my time at college, I joined a new academy and found a new boyfriend (who also treats TKD like a religion and comes from a family of practitioners). This new academy puts much less emphasis on competition and much more on the philosophy of martial arts. I was quite nervous about joining at first, but everyone there (senior instructors included) seemed to treat me as if I had been a part of the academy for forever. I was worried that the kids there would see me as an outsider and not listen to me, but they followed all my orders without question. I ended up falling in love with this place and am currently studying to be a senior instructor there, something I've always wanted. The head master there has been leading the academy since the 1980s and doesn't show any signs of leaving soon. He is also extremely generous, sometimes going as far to invite the whole academy to his house for lunch. For me, this new place was salvation and everything I ever wanted.
While my bf and I were talking about my old academy, I told him about the incident mentioned above and he seemed just as upset as I was. He said that I did do the right thing because poking fun at someone's disability is not what a senior instructor should be doing. I also mentioned that I wasn't very close to most people there anymore, and he recommended that I cut ties with them.
I took his recommendation last Thanksgiving. When my mom asked why I stopped going, I told her that I didn't think it was the right environment anymore. Cue her going on a verbal tirade about forgiving and forgetting (she is a strong Presbyterian. I am Presbyterian as well, though not nearly as strongly) and constantly mentioning that Master B waived my tuition, and that I was being ungrateful and selfish. She said I was being too heavily influenced by my new boyfriend (not a Christian, but overall a good person with a strong moral compass and very smart), and that I should be forgiving of something that happened a few years ago. I remind her that it's not the actual deed that made me most upset, but the fact that no one seemed to care much and that the environment has become toxic and I don't feel valued there anymore. Not one email/text from the other instructors/masters asking where I've been, so I guess I'm not too missed there (though I did get a text from a kid).
Sorry this is so long, but I need to know if I made the right choice. Everyone's perspectives clashing together, and I need some closure. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
yWbQNeTKsKlKfzZQ8FaFiSMD6gkpQquo
|
ah67h1
|
{
"description": "ending a long term friendship due to their stagnated adulthood",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA? Ending a long term friendship due to their stagnated adulthood.
|
I have a close friend from college who I've known for 10 years. He's always been a very non judgemental & fun person to be around because we enjoy many of the same activities that my other friends don't - and his family treats me like I'm one of them. I've had a very close one on one friendship with this person for a long time.
Here's the problem: There have been a series of issues/events over the years that have made me rethink whether or not we should be friends. I decided to end our friendship after a trip where I literally didn't want to be around them because they refused to change anything about their lives to make it better and I had nothing to talk with them about. The issues are below.
1) The first being that he dated a woman for 4 years, knowing she had different long term goals than him of a nuclear family and quitting her job to raise children. The entire time they were together all he did was complain about her and talk about how he didn't want to marry her. I had many conversations with him on why he should break up with her - in which he would just apologize and say she wasn't that bad. It made me difficult to like her because he painted her in such a negative light all the time. Fast forward and he basically forced her to break up with him because he didn't want to move in with her, and that's the moment she realized she was wasting her time. I should also mention she had a condition that in her mid 30's, it would make it extremely dangerous for her to conceive. She was 32ish when they broke up.
2) The reason he didn't want to move in with her (beyond not wanting to marry her) was because he still lives at home and has only moved out of his parents home for college. He is 31. Sees no point in getting his own place. Then complains about how he won't be able to get a girlfriend living at home.
3) Has a low paying job as a mid level developer for a boss he hates for a company that has terrible beneifts. However he doesn't bother to find a new job despite having the upper hand in the job market, and complains about his situation whenever we talk about our careers. I always tell him it's easy to find a new job, but he claims he can't get a new job because other companies would want a referral, and his bad boss wouldn't give him one.
4) Does not get along with my other friends. More so, he's not "comfortable" around them or my boyfriend. My bf is laid back and everybody loves him, and my friends think this friend is a bit of a snob. Not to mention he has this aversion to my other guy friends and only wants to talk with or be friends with the other girls at social events. He claims this is because girls are more accepting of the fact that he likes tea, cooking, baking, and other more stereotypically "feminine" activities. I wonder if he was bullied for not having a more "masculine" personality/phisique/whatever growing up, but I just wish he could blend in with my friends as seamlessly as my bf did when I introduced him. This is why him and I only hung out one on one usually.
5) Lastly, he tends to think of himself as being better than other people because he has more "intellectual" interests/conversations or just because he has a masters degree.
Needless to say, over the years, my other friends and I have bought homes, changed cities/jobs/apartments/relationships.. started families, found long term partners, divorced... just changed. This friend for all their good qualities is stagnant, and Im frustrated because when you meet with friends you talk about life, and his never has change or anything good going on. And his lack of action to break up with a girl who was never a long term fit to begin with... It feels so spineless.
I found myself thinking of this friend as a spineless individual who won't change their situation, and I dreaded hanging out with them as a result. I finally blew up at this friend during a weekend trip I took with them, and at first they just accepted that I "thought they were holding me back" (his words not mine), then after more explaining and me expressing concern that he was just rolling over to avoid conflict, he got angry and accused me of repressing my emotions/thoughts even though we've had many conversations about our lives & life choices.
I should mention in this conversation he said he was going through a dark depressive phase where he thought of himself as a piece of shit due to the loss of his girlfriend.
We ended with me apologizing and saying I thought it best to end our friendship for the time being and that I wanted friends to grow with and that he's had the same issues for as long as I've known him. I've cut all ties with him at this point in time.
AITA???
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
RMrSmphwJb85mQfSxwVlqhVehrTNzAfU
|
9yu0hg
| null |
AITA Me vs a loudly yawning coworker
|
So, I have a coworker who sits in the cubicle behind me...and he yawns. Frequently. And loudly. And does not cover his mouth when he does so.
Most of the office is pretty chill about it. I have known him for a few years, and he's an okay guy, but the yawning gets on my nerves. It's infuriating. But I have never once called him out on it, mainly because I have no idea how to say "Hey, could you please cover your mouth when you yawn" without it coming across as passive aggressive.
Finally, today, it got on my nerves long enough. I wheeled over to him and asked him, as respectfully as possible, to please cover his mouth when he yawns. He gave me a look of barely disguised contempt and simply said "Get back to work." (I should add, he is senior here)
So, am I the asshole here? Did I just grievously insult him? Or is he the one in the wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
QVOZjfZ8HBIaTXz3W53ZjXXQhUdiahdZ
|
afcr1a
|
{
"description": "wanting my brother's girlfriend to watch her kid more",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting my brother's girlfriend to watch her kid more?
|
Ok Reddit, for this you'll need some backstory. I'm a 16yo girl who's lived alone with my mom and cat for the last 4ish years after my mom kicked my brother out. About a year and a half ago, my brother(21) announced that he got his girlfriend(35), pregnant and that he was bringing her, their kid, and her older kid down to live with us around Christmas time. Long story short it ended up being 3 kids, instead of 2 but we just kinda shrugged it off.
Now, the girlfriend is extremely immature. She loves gossip, "drama" and is extremely lazy, think of her as a high school freshman essentially. One of her kids is a girl a month younger than me and, while she stayed with us, she was watching the baby more than everyone in the house. She fed him, changed his diaper, carried him everywhere, bathed him, etc. She was basically his mom. Now the reason she could do this all day despite being a child, was that she was homeschooled, but because she spent so much time watching him, she never did any work. Eventually her grandma, girlfriends mom, came down to visit. She was the one who kinda spilled the beans on everything, saying she was glad her daughter came down here because she didn't want to raise another one of her grandchildren (she p much raised the older kid.) The older kid eventually left with her grandma, her reason being that she "didn't want to be a babysitter anymore."
Now here we are in present day. The job of babysitting was transferred to MY grandma, until my mom called them out of it, and then to her 13yo kid. Now like I've said before, I've lived alone for the past couple of years, I'm an introvert at heart and prefer to stay away from people. If anyone's been super affected by these guys moving in, it's my 14yo cat, Shelly. Once the baby started walking, his favorite place to be was the laundry room, in here he would turn the laundry on and off and eventually start eating cat food (this later turned into dropping cat food into her water dish.) His mom never stopped him from doing this, she'd just say, "Ky, stop." And leave it at that. Their move in general caused my cat a lot of stress, but this threw her way over the edge, she started defecating and urinating outside of the litter box, became a lot more vocal and would only go eat at night. Now, I didn't mind cleaning up after her, my problem was that my mom was threatening to get rid of her because of this. I've had this cat since I was 3, there was no way in hell I'd give her up cause some milf can't watch her kid.
A few nights ago, my mom and I asked her if she could try to keep him out of the laundry room (keep in mind that his actions alone raised my mom's water bills to $400+.) She became super defensive, saying that she can't watch him 24/7 cause then she "wouldn't be able to do anything but watch him." She then got mad at me for "blaming him for being a baby" when in reality I was blaming her for not watching him. This really pissed me off because, even though my cat's actions aren't my fault, she still complains to me about her going on the counters (searching for clean water in the sink) and crapping on the carpet. I still take responsibility for my cat, but she refuses to take responsibility for her son.
TLDR; My brother's girlfriend doesn't take responsibility for her son's actions and considers me an asshole for wanting her to watch him more.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
x2TFeXK2HytbzDyZOjIyx5YTMUVPB16t
|
asdsdz
|
{
"description": "not wanting to share my camp-area at a festival with my girlfriend but took in some random guys even though she asked first",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for not wanting to share my camp-area at a festival with my girlfriend but took in some random guys even though she asked first?
|
So every July there is a huge festival where I live with artists like Eminem, Bruno Mars, Dua Lipa, Macklemore etc. It's ongoing for a week and as young people (18-20) my friends and I often go to have a great time, get hammered and listen to a couple of artists, but the festival it's know for being one week of partying.
This year we all graduate from gymnasium (like high school) and wanted to make a boy-camp with 8-10 of my close friends from the gymnasium because we have had bad experiences with making camps with the girls from our class etc. and we wanted it to just be us because this might be the last time we are all together - so we bought a huge area, around 100 m2.
Now my girlfriend didn't get to buy a place in time and her and a couple of friends haven't found anyone to lay with. So of course she asked me if they could stay with us. I told her I really didn't think the other guys would accept since some girls from our class had already asked and we said no to them. I kinda just brushed it off since I didn't really want them to be there either but didn't want to tell her - if she's there I don't think I would be as free to do crazy, funny stuff and didn't want anything to hold us back from having the best time which is also why we said no to the girls from our class.
Fast forward a week, and a guy from my camp asks if we could share our space with some guys he knew. They wouldn't interact with us, we didn't know them and we would save some money so we agreed - only because they would be like all the other strangers around us - we wouldn't have anything to do with them and they would set up their own camp but just use half of the space we bought.
My girlfriend found out and got incredible mad which I understand since I said they couldn't lay with us but some other guys who asked after them could. I really tried to explain to her that we wanted a camp with just us guys and if she she had a camp right beside us I don't think it would be like that. I told her she was welcome to visit but if she was a few meters away it just wouldn't be the same... so Reddit..
AITA for not wanting to share the space we bought with my girlfriend but said yes to some random guys?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
z9tnXQKA9SBT6cWgRlHswxrXbcrj9qN5
|
auu647
|
{
"description": "holding a grudge against my girlfriend still in contact with one of her former lover",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for holding a grudge against my girlfriend still in contact with one of her former lover (not in a lover's way, but there are messages)
|
My girl's parents divorced when she is young, she lived with her mom, & her mom was quite abusive, so she had some rebellious time & some farther figure issue. During her teenage years, she had some quite complicated love and sex life w/ some much older men. One of which is an Australian gentleman, whom according to her, was a very passionate lover, and amazing in the sack. (Frankly, although I told her I don't really care about her past lover, it did strike a nerve). I really appreciate her honesty as she told me these at the very beginning. For me, it is in the past, if she has let it go, it really just means I got to work harder in those areas. The Australian gentleman, as much as he encores her, left her as he thinks it's best for her to go live a normal life after his work term is done.
Fast forward, I accidentally found a cache of intimate pictures, letters, & audio recordings in her hard drive, when she asked me to fetch a file for her. I was rather agitated at that moment. We talked about it. She says she is over him, just want to keep that memory. I agreed since I had my own cache of photos of my first gf too. But my cache was nothing intimate, it's a bunch of photo about a lot of the school activities we both participated. I agreed as I thought she means no more communications. Later on, it turns out they still occasionally chat a bit, exchange pleasantries and stuff, which I kinda feel annoyed (note that I never really seen any major messages being exchanged, just some seasonal greetings & "how's everything" over Skype). Since it really does not affects our daily life, I soon forget about it, and from time to time, I told myself, "look, I'm working on building our own life here, it's not easy, but it's moving forward. there is nothing I should be worried about."
Fast forward to last week, I found a letter laying on her desk from him - it's more daily life stuff at the beginning, but eventually, he asked her to gave him her banking info to be put in his will, so that she can receive some of his legacies. All of a sudden, I feel quite a bit of anger coming out, & I just can't let it go. I talked to her, she says she really doesn't reply to those messages. But I feel that deep down she still wants to receive those messages. I mean if she hasn't given him the new address, there is no way he can know the address. And if she really doesn't care about the messages, she would not give him the new address.
Also, she claims that she has already forgotten what is in that cache of files since she has not gone through it in ages. I personally find it believable, as I barely remember what is in my cache of files. But it's hard for me to forget all those dirty jokes in the audio files, those love letters, and those intimate photos, as long as I know it is still in the hard drive.
So, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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WRONG
|
x538o31M1N3z7NtkLfhMhDYhLbQIV3iR
|
aout6f
|
{
"description": "creating a fake gmail pretending to be my wife's ex to give her some closure from a bad relationship",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 32
}
|
AITA for creating a fake gmail pretending to be my wife's ex to give her some closure from a bad relationship?
|
I hope the need for a tosser account is obvious, but anyways here goes:
Wife and I are both on our second marriages and carry a lot of baggage into this relationship. I love her very much and we've had long talks that it was our fucked up pasts that led us to each other. Her relationship with her ex husband is actually really good and I the three of us actually have a really productive relationship in order to raise their bio kids.
However, in between me and ex husband she dated this "bad boy biker" guy named "Rod." As much as I question why, I know she fell pretty hard for this guy and he was at the very least borderline abusive to her. This part of the post could go on for ever but he pretty much left her high and dry and with some deep scars. As she tells it to me and her ex-husband, Rod proposed to her and then was literally gone without a trace the next morning. She suffered and the kids really suffered because she was an emotional wreck for almost a year.
It's been about 3 years and every year in February she sinks into a deep depression because this is when Rod pulled his disappearing act.
Last night I was dropping the kids off with her ex-husband and he invited me in to have a beer. Like I said we get along really well so this is pretty normal. He started asking how February was going for my wife and I said it was just like every other February. He said that as well as he knows her, it's going to be like this until she gets some sort of closure.
A little light bulb went off in my head so while she was out last night I created a gmail account that was my best approximate of what a douchey biker guy in his 40s would use and emailed her "Hey this is Rod, I know what I did was fucked up but I wanted to let you know I'm sorry for fucking you over. You were a good person and I hope I didn't hurt the kids too much. I live in New York state now but I feel bad for what I did. Just wanted to say this."
The reason I'm asking this question is I stared at that send button for probably a good 20 minutes before I finally said fuck it and hit send.
Her emails go to her phone and she reads everything immediately, even spam so I know she saw it. She didn't say anything when she got home last night and she's still asleep this morning and she didn't respond to the email from "Rod."
I'm sweating my ass off because what's done is done but I'm really torn if I did something nice for her to help her get through the month or if I way overstepped my bounds. No one besides, me this sub and the google overlords know what I've done and I plan on keeping it that way but AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
ySFwhJkCO8kmFyTLZYtdUbGdLxTszT4D
|
av9fng
|
{
"description": "making my mother cry over some texts she sent my father",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for making my mother cry over some texts she sent my father?
|
My parents have always been overprotective - at times it feels like they just want to be in charge and don't think I'm smart enough to take care of myself. Last year, I took a year off from college because of depression, I'm fine now and back at school, and they know I'm feeling much better. My only real concern rn is my Aspergers and my difficulty making friends.
This past weekend, my mother insisted in coming over for a few days so she could cook and clean my apartment. I was a bit embarrassed since no other student receives that kind of special treatment, but reluctantly accepted because I could use some of her excellent cooking and because my parents are paying for my apartment so I couldn't really refuse them. She came over and spent a few days working very hard to cook my a shit tone of delicious food.
The third day asked me seven or eight times in the span of half an hour if I wanted to eat my lunch. Each time I politely told her no, she ignored me completely and just asked again. This is not the first time she has acted like this, and after the eigth time of her asking me this I got annoyed. I raised my voice somewhat at her, telling her that I didn't want my fucking lunch and that I would eat it when I was hungry, and asked her why she kept asking me that question.
Well she finally got it in her head that I wasn't hungry, and laid off for a while. Later we were having a light hearted conversation about some silly things one of my siblings did, and she handed me her phone to show me some texts she sent my father about my sibling. The texts her phone was showing had nothing to do with my sibling, but rather with me. The texts showed that she:
* told my father that I screamed at her and told her to leave over her asking if I wanted lunch
* told my father that I was depressed and stressed out again (I had told her multiple times that I was feeling fine)
* told my father that my apartment smelled of weed and accused me of smoking to fit in (I don't smoke)
* called me gullible for buying an expensive shampoo meant for frizzy hair (I have very frizzy and ugly hair, and don't want to cut it short because I am going bald)
* told my father that when we went out for dinner the previous night I insisted on ordering a $90 steak (I ordered a $25 one)
* made fun of me for not wanting other people to know that I have Aspergers
* complained that I was forcing her to do my laundry (she did my laundry despite my asking her not do)
Of course I was hurt by these things, and shocked that my mother was so vitriolic and manipulative. I and asked her why she would say such things. At first she ignored my question, then lied and said they were about my brother (they clearly weren't), and as I got angry, started saying some bs story about my father being mad that she had a boyfriend (they are divorced), and started fake crying. After 20 minutes of this and me asking her to leave she finally left.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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nZJRnkU1AaMb9zUJQERNsskK1ob5kGNz
|
an7b18
|
{
"description": "not wanting my wifes 19 year old sister living with us",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not wanting my wifes 19 year old sister living with us.
|
So my wifes sister is your typical 19 year old drama queen, everything in her life pretty much turns into a big catastrophe and everyone around her is wrong, she loves to talk about how shit other people are and how shes perfect. She has also stolen items from me in the past but been caught out so is very light fingered.
Recently she broke up with her bf and decided she was going to move to a different country (which i was thrilled about as I wouldnt have to deal with her always coming around home) so i let her stay at our house untill her leaving date, around 2 weeks.
Wife and I have a 4 month old son and our house is already tiny so this didnt end up being ideal, but i stuck it out as i knew she was leaving.
Moving forward 2 weeks my nightmare has cme true, shes back (decided she couldnt live alone in a new country) and just expects to live with us.
Ive voiced my concerns to my wife who tells me im an asshole as we cant just kick her out as shes family, i try tell her im 30 years old dad now, we have a newborn and dont want to live with her thief kid sister, i also tell her how all of this makes me feel as i dont even feel comfortable in my own home anymore, she still doesnt understand and thinks im an asshole.
AITA?
TL;DR AITA for not wanting to live with wifes thief teenage sister whos life is a constant drama?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
uMT8uWu2Vd47AHi4v2B1KaD6QvpgIkPM
|
9yvaf5
|
{
"description": "leaving someone looking for me after only waiting 7 minutes for them",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving someone looking for me after only waiting 7 minutes for them?
|
So for a while I've been wanting to join a school club, but after the resignation of the club's former leader, It's been a nightmare to find it. Luckily I have a club with someone who goes there. So he mentions MUN in said club and so afterwards I go talk to him about it. after a few minutes we decide to meet up at the MFL block, and he'd show me from there. So, come the next Tuesday (the day it's held on') and I'm outside the MFL door. I'd just left the block about 3 minutes after the beginning. I waited for 7(ish) minutes. In them anxiety started kicking in. 'What if they've set me up?' 'What will people in groups hanging out there think when I've been waiting for half an hour?' So then I left and went to my other club (I wasn't ditching it, this club was on every day and was a filler club for me).
​
So AITA for ditching this person? Were my anxious thoughts reasonable? Please let me know!
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
CQkS1wtD7KggsoeTwBLDg4hQ1MjShOgC
|
annoc6
|
{
"description": "never wanting to forgive her",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for Never Wanting to Forgive Her?
|
So this has been a story that's been bugging me for a while. I had a friend in elementary school, let's call her A, that was basically my best friend for a good two years. I'd transferred into the elementary in 2nd grade because my family had moved (we changed houses a fair bit cause my parents were good at gauging the housing market). I ended up staying there all through the rest of elementary.
Anyway, early days of 2nd grade she introduced herself and we became pretty good friends. (We'd always go over to her house to play because at the time her family was a little better off than mine and could afford things like a new Wii and a big dollhouse and lots of toys.) So up until about early fourth grade, A was my best friend in the world. We'd play together after school (eventually at either of our houses cause my mom got a better job and we could afford nicer toys), have dinner at each other's houses, all the usual best friend kit stuff.
But for some reason, as we got a little older I become more stereotypically "nerdy" and not to mention I was a probably bit of a mess of a kid with unruly hair and the same 10 t-shirts all the time (I liked em, don't judge). A, however, started dressing nicer and even I think started wearing a little makeup to school (I wasn't allowed to touch makeup till I was 16, so I was pretty bad a recognizing it on people till like 7th-8th grade).
One day at recess, I went to find A to play something together cause that'd what we did, and she just starts asking me all these weird questions. I don't remember most of them, but one that always stands out in my mind is "What's your favorite animal?" I'm not good at picking favorites and thought she might like if we had the same favorite as her's was a tiger (plus I've always been a cat person) so I said tiger like her.
A FLIPS OUT yelling at me that I can't have the same favorite animal as her because that means I'm copying her etc. etc. I remember crying as she was yelling at me and then never being able to talk to her again after that (I was lucky to find another couple of friends that were really sweet and one I still catch up with from time to time to this day) because she and her new friend group (all the classically popular girls) would always leave when I came around.
So yeah, you'd think that's it, dumb grudge from elementary school. But no, it gets kinda worse.
I was fortunate enough to be placed in the 'accelerated learning' program or whatever (puzzles for smart kids) classes in 3rd grade, of which there were two sections each for 4th and 5th graders. A was in the other section in my grade, and I learn on the day we "graduated" that we both got into the same local magnet school (only one in the county, so there was no avoiding her). I remember actually getting to talk to her once after the ceremony, saying how it was great she got in. I also gave her one to the two Webkinz animals I'd managed to win from the lottery prizes that day as an olive branch of sorts I think.
SIDENOTE: I loved Webkinz as a kid, cause I'm allergic to dogs and the one cat we had was super mean to everyone and we thought would probably kill any other pet we got (which proved true when she tried to kill our rescue kitten a few years later). I asked for one for every holiday/special event for a while. Birthday? Webkinz. Christmas? Webkinz. Special family vacation souvenir? Webkinz (and luckily that time a few postcards from Las Vegas cause my parents were smart enough to know I wasn't always going to have an expensive stuffed lizard). I ended up collecting a fair few of them from family gifts and such over the years, and it was A who introduced me to them so I thought she'd like it and we'd settle our differences.
Well my, in hindsight, buying of her friendship lasted a good month and a half maybe. She glared at me in the halls less and wouldn't catch my gaze only to shoot me a nasty look and then ignore me as often. I found some new friends I'm fortunate enough to still know in college but A never changed. Our middle school and high school were in the same building and we both got back into the school for our last four years (high school classes were more varied so I saw her less).
The thing that irritates me is so many people tell me to forget about it. My parents don't think our breakup (and subsequent encounters) could've been that bad, and my friends who had projects/classes with her in high school said she was pretty cool and that I should've tried to hang out with her on occasion. And if they didn't suggest that they'd just kinda nod at my explanation and change the subject. But A has never stopped looking at me like she wants to rip my soul out and feed it to her dogs. She never stopped ignoring my polite nods in public or excuse me's when I squeeze past her in the hallway (there was one occasion where I think she might've mocked me for it at her locker before school with others, but I might just be overreacting there idk).
​
tl;dr A girl burned our friendship in elementary, ignored all my attempts at making peace, and proceeded to ignore me/glare at me just to make a point all through middle and high school.
Am I the asshole for never wanting to forgive her even though everyone said she's probably fine and I should maybe try to hang out with her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ipZMlKcJQIZUbAmjZRnmbDVbLZBHbqbw
|
a7u0lc
|
{
"description": "working part time and going to school full time",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA: for working part time and going to school full time?
|
To add a little perspective on this, I’ve grown up in Texas and there’s a huge stigma against men not being the bread winners or at least pulling the same income as females.
My wife is in the military and we’ve been married about 10 years. Our entire relationship I’ve always had a full time job in Corrections in different states (each duty station). I’ve always pulled decent income and helped significantly build up our savings accounts.
The issue is I am really unhappy with this career and my wife pushed me to continue college and get a part time job somewhere, so I did after we were stationed in another state instead of pursing corrections again. Furthermore, being a military spouse I can’t hold a career long term because of the constant duty station changes. So I decided education was a smarter option. I was able to land a nice part time gig with my previous background experience pulling a decent wage. I also go to school full time. My wife is also pregnant with our first and will be due in a few months so I will also be taking care of the baby since she doesn’t have the option.
Her mom insisted to her I need to get a full time job to pull my weight. I’ve already felt like garbage because I’ve transitioned to a part time job and rely mostly on my wife for income. I’ve told my wife I would happily get a full time job if she wanted me to, but she insist her mom is just being stupid and I’m fine.
Needless to say, this transition has taken a sucker punch to my self esteem and I don’t know if she’s right.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
SyvULz6RBTTH0u2ETf7rYPOdffxLZREW
|
axafc0
| null |
AITA on this plane
|
Flying from Atlanta this morning I am about to give the flight attendant my boarding pass when a man cuts in front of me (he is in a boarding class above me), no bid deal but he does knock my shoulder in the passing process. Upon swiping his phone he is assigned a new seat. As I hand my pass to the flight attendant he comes back because the new seat is at a lesser value than what he paid. After several minutes of arguing with flight attendant and her informing him he will be reimbursed the difference he goes down the bridge.
By the way, our flight is delayed 45 minutes. 30 mon just because and another 15 because somebody got sick on the plane and they had to clean it up.
We get to gap to get onto the plane and the guy in front of me stops the attendant and has an almost word for word replay of the conversation from just a moment ago with the other attendant. We’re at about 10 minutes of this guy bitching at this point.
We walk into the plane and he gets to the seat that was his, they had upgraded a paraplegic from basic to comfort so their gear and assistant could have the space (it’s immediately behind first class so there’s a good amount of space in front, next to and behind area, only 2 seats in a 3 seat row). Anyways this dude goes, this is my seat, I paid for this seat.
The flight attendant comes by and they interact and he gets to a point where he says I don’t care which one of them sits in seat A, I want seat B! This is another 5 minutes of arguing before he goes back to his new seat 4 rows back, and yes he’s right behind me.
After everyone is boarded he dings the assistance button and AGAIN starts asking about his seat and a refund and how un happy he is, you can tell the flight attendant is over it, we are all over it and this guy is persisting.
Finally, again, this guy climaxes about just wanting the seat he paid for and I turn around and say ‘will you shut the hell up and be grateful you could even walk into the damn plane today‽’ (referencing the handicap person in his seat)
And the guy looks at me and says ‘how about you mind your own damn business?’ With some sass.
Am I the ass hole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
uE0aadNGu6Z3uf6cykFhhneLCSBvzCds
|
b5xel6
|
{
"description": "trying to collect data for a scientific experiment",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for trying to collect data for a scientific experiment?
|
Once again I've accidentally annoyed my colleagues.
Earlier I decided to experiment with a theory that I've been thinking about for the past couple days. I had the afternoon off and I was trying to keep my mind off some things so I decided to approach some of my fellow employees about helping me with some tests. I don't want to get into what the experiment itself actually was but it involved peoples sense of smells and I had to ask what everybody had been eating and whether or not they had washed.
Would you be annoyed at those questions regarding BO? Also if the experiment involved me asking about peoples ethnicity would you be similarly pissed?
Thanks
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
WWnoWH1O6dsviX7F6TLli3Y0nU4VWX77
|
9yxpy1
|
{
"description": "calling out sick on Thanksgiving",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For calling out sick on Thanksgiving
|
To preface: I am a highschooler, and I picked up this job because of its flexiblity towards my busy schedule as I play sports, and perform im other extracurriculars. I work at a Starbucks in my town, and my store has pretty poor management. We have had 7 people quit and ot resign at our store, and now we are pretty shortstaffed. Which is causing big problems for a lot of us workers and is making more of us to quit, as we are forced to pick up all of the hours. I have worked pretty tirelessly these past two weeks, and have only had 1 day off for these past two weeks. Ive been super exausted and Im starting to hate my job because the reasons why I started this job was for flexibility, and because our original agreement was 4 days a week of work, maybe 5.
I requested that on Thanksgiving I could work the morning because we are short staffed and I knew that trying to get the whole day off would be near impossible, but imagine my suprise when I see that Im scheduled for a shift that ends at 530. My family is super upset that I didnt request it off. But I didn't because I wanted to remain flexible. So would I be the asshole for calling out on Thanksgiving?
Also just keep in mind that I haven't yet and I might not, I just wanted some opinions. And if there are any questions I will gladly answer them.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
TiIDZt9PfgMNOtnOGHCMjI0DDamFnbZt
|
b3b7uj
|
{
"description": "being selfish for choosing for myself over his life",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I'm selfish for choosing for myself over his life?
|
We (F31, M33) have been together for the last 1,5 year and his negativity increased along the way. He has a very negative view on basically everyone and everything around him except himself. But he finds himself useless in the society. This increased to the point that my self esteem lowered and it was holding me back in life (career/personal/health). Hence the breakup.
I tried to do it on the best possible way, and remaining friendship since he has almost no one to turn to. But it's taking it's toll on me and I just want to move on with life. I tried to talk to him about this before but it didn't go well.
He says that I'm the only one he could talk to and if I leave him there's no purpose for him to be alive. I don't want him to take his own life and I feel selfish for wanting to break contact.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
q2WEg8dHTROg0q6P03SwIjQLzKXtXDmW
|
aq2ese
|
{
"description": "pushing my daycare to notify parents of pinworms",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for pushing my daycare to notify parents of pinworms?
|
Last Friday we got the 1:30 yell of: “my butt is itchy” from our toddler. Any parent dreads that yell and we are no different. A flashlight check later and yup, confirmed our kid has pinworms. The kicker? It’s the second time in 2 months. Spent the weekend dosing the household with medicine, intense cleaning and a frustrating “talk” with our daycare providers.
I reached out on Saturday morning, apologetic for bothering them on a weekend, informed them of our predicament and asked what their policy was for these situations. Their response was to commiserate and basically say unless another parent notifies them nothing but a thorough cleaning of the facility will be done.
Needless to say we’ve had many a back and forth in texts and in person with my aggressively pushing that they notify the parents as this is highly contagious and I refuse to be back in this situation in another month. They seem to think it just comes from bathroom practices and aren’t making the connection on how it spreads. It doesn’t matter how much you clean if the kids are infected and interacting on a daily basis. It’s led to a very tense relationship. They just keep coming back to me with non responses and sympathy but no actual compromise. Their final message was:
“We completely understand your frustration. If you would like to schedule a time to meet with us in person we are available. Thank you and our facility loves you”
I stopped interacting at that point. I’m looking into a new daycare.
I feel awful because they’ve really put the effort in to clean the classrooms on top of their full schedules and yet, I’m not mollified. I’m not willing to circumvent them and reach out to the parents myself as I think it will create a bigger issue.
The added complication is that I am pregnant so I am unable to dose myself. We’ve been lucky in that its missed the adults both times but I am not willing to take that risk again. I also know quite a few playmates who have newborn siblings. It just seems so lax of the daycare to have that policy.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
4flJPi2UF4STKYLGnNloAak8Huq5wOqT
|
aa5mps
| null |
AITA - Haven't spoken to my Grandma in 4 years.
|
Long story, TL;DR at the bottom.
So, I'm 28m and I went to my sisters place for Christmas eve and somehow we got on the topic of our crazy grandma. Just to give you an idea, she's a hippy from a small town, constantly speaking baby talk, used to give us "dog licks" instead of kisses, seems to have the mentality of an 8 year old and will constantly guilt trip and pout about not getting her way. I tolerated her for a long time and actually really liked her when I was a kid, cause she was like a kid too. It started to go sour after my dad, her son, passed away. Now, we didn't talk to grandma that much before but my dad would always call on Sundays to chat. After he passed away though, she began to do the same thing, even copying some of his sayings. Clearly grieving, I accepted it and figured it'll pass. It didn't. I was missing my dad too and her constant reminders and sob stories were really eating at me. It's hard to convey my feelings cause this was a long time ago but it was always reminders. Reminders that he was gone and assumptions that I had forgotten about him. I loved my dad, he wasn't even just my dad, he was my best friend. It sucked when he passed and I still miss him, but I don't want to be a part of her grief. Things only got worse after my uncle, her other son, passed away. They did everything together. They were both really into the Church thing and loved Jesus and all that jazz. That funeral may have been the last time I spoke to her, because after that she decided to leave my grandpa. Just out of the blue, she packed up all her things and said I'm leaving and moved into my uncles old apartment. My grandpa was heartbroken. We went to visit him and oh man, I've never seen such a sad man. This man lost 3 of his sons and now his wife. I don't know how he ever tolerated her to begin with, but hey, love is weird. I resented my grandma for her immature behavior and just declined any form of contact. Now I guess it's been 4 years and my sister read a card from her. It actually wasn't as bad as her usual cards but she managed to get her guilt trip through because I actually felt bad about it after she mentioned it's been 4 years and she knows I'm avoiding her and she doesn't understand why. She sent a picture to me as well. One of me as a baby with my dad at 25 and my great grandma (who has also passed). I kinda teared up at it. I don't know what exactly I should do or if I should do anything. All I really wanna know is... am I the asshole?
TL;DR - Dad and uncle passed away. Grandma left grandpa to live in dead uncles apartment. My patience with her has reached it's limit and I don't talk to her anymore. She doesn't realize she's done anything wrong and wants to hear from me. I still don't really want to talk to her though.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
RhYKN851eH6XA3ORBqCr9bnjYIGlVAom
|
b6s271
|
{
"description": "telling my boss her MANDATORY meeting was offensive and undervalues her employees",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA For telling my boss her MANDATORY meeting was offensive and undervalues her employees?
|
TL;DR: My boss scheduled a mandatory meeting for all employees, that was an hour long. I tried explaining to her; that's bullshit.
​
So I'm a manager at my office and my boss, Operations manager for the entire business, sent out an e-mail earlier in the week that all employee's (aprox 15) MUST attend a hands-on training class, instructed by her, in the afternoon Thursday. If we are not able to attend we MUST re-schedule with her ASAP.
​
OK... It's my day off, but I'm punching in and getting paid for it, so oh well.
​
The meeting was an hour an 20 min long.
​
The 11 that showed up, because the other 4 were actively on duty, were pretty annoyed, some absolutely pissed and texting me the moment they left the building. After everyone left, my boss asked how the meeting went. I told her that the information was quality and this meeting was necessary given we've hired some new people and it's good to keep everyone on the same page. However, I live 45 min away. Some employees further. Scheduling a mandatory meeting on a day that works best for you, without asking about any ones availability, and knowing said meeting will take about an hour is offensive and inconsiderate of your employees lives outside this building.
​
She was taken aback. Went immediately on the offensive with, "You think this was a waist of time!?", "This matter NEEDED to be addressed.", "What does it matter how long the meeting is, you're still getting paid!", "So all that matters is your paychecks, huh?"
​
I did my best to keep calm and explain to her that if you are going to make your employees drive from home, or another office, or from school, or stop WHATEVER they were doing, that was not this job, to be here: It must be worth their time. Just being 'punched-in' is not enough. There's a balance to knowing that an employees time, outside of work, does not go by their hourly wage. By saying, "It doesn't matter if the meeting was 10 min or 10 hours," shows that you do not value your employees time or their personal lives. And that is a very big problem.
​
We argued a bit before I told her that I had to go. But am I the asshole for telling her all this? I'm asking because now the CC'd emails haven't stopped...
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
qNi56euSCsBespURu92cb9JAooe5XoPQ
|
ay6n2w
|
{
"description": "not wanting to do a going away party",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not wanting to do a going away party?
|
I will be deploying on a routine, low risk military deployment in the future (it’s less than a year long). My wife’s family wants to fly me and her in from halfway across the country and host a going away with family and friends. I think it’s over the top. I am going to go on deployments somewhat regularly, I feel like this is making it a bigger deal than it should be.
I told my wife that I appreciate the offer, but I don’t want to make a big deal out of things and would rather go on a trip with just the two of us. She thinks that I am being rude to her family by turning them down. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Fni8XFkghzhByr1c3oCa2tx9RkhC92JB
|
aqkewx
| null |
AITA for the way I removed a friend from a groupchat?
|
This probably isn't the best sub for this, but it's the closest sub I can think of for it.
Two friends of mine got into an argument about Spiderman: Homecoming. I told them to take it to PMs because a bunch of people were sick of the argument, but they refused so I removed them both.
Removing some people for a dumb argument normally isn't AITA material. But the thing is, this argument was the latest event in a string of dumb bullshit these two have been causing for years. I removed them because people were getting annoyed with them IRL for their generally combative demeanor, but they don't want to speak up because they think it's not worth the hassle. These two guys though, they think that if people aren't comfortable speaking to them then they're isn't a problem. One of them[ left me some especially spicy messages, and I don't know if I handled this the best I could have.](https://drive.google.com/open?id=1iJHavTLfUNkY2oYiuzZ7EbJmt2htizGO) I feel I did what the group would have done later, they feel the group should have let them know they were being annoying. Who's the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
a1dozk
|
{
"description": "getting distracted in class",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for getting distracted in class?
|
During AP chemistry, I often get really tired and bored and sometimes doze off or ocassionally use my phone and discretely browse reddit (phone under table.) My teacher usually doesn’t mind since I get really good grades on tests and do my homework. However my classmate who sits across from me gets extremely frustrated. He gets mad that my teacher doesn’t scream at me and tells me to pay attention because I’ll never do well in school.
I explain to him that I’m bothering no one, and that, despite his beliefs I study at home and catch up. And in addition, I am more than willing to drop my phone to assist him with any problem he needs. He still is mad at me and whenever I get into class he always is snappy. Even when I ask questions to other classmates he calls me “retarded” and says he shouldn’t have to hear my dumb questions since I should have paid attention in class.
Seems pretty unfair to me, but I was wondering if maybe I am really being an ahole by not paying attention.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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|
9vy4z5
|
{
"description": "cuddling with my gf till she falls asleep and then get up to go play video games",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if i cuddle with my gf till she falls asleep and then get up to go play video games?
|
So I'm 20 and my gf is 18. We've been living together almost 10 months and we both work often. I work nights while she mostly works during the day or evenings. However my schedule consists of 3 days off in a row. I have 2 friends who also happen to be my only friends at this point and they also work and have their own different schedules. We planned to play videogames during my days off but my gf will be home so WIBTA if i lay down with her and cuddle till she is asleep and then go play videogames with my buddies? I'm thinking about letting her know that i'll be playing videogames that night so would that be better than just leaving her?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
abcikh
|
{
"description": "not driving over to visit my friend while he is home from college on NYE when I already have plans",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA: I won’t drive over to visit my friend while he is home from college on NYE when I already have plans
|
This exchange happened through text. Below is a mix of dialogue and action.
I contacted him multiple times throughout the semester and he did not contact me back. I can see when he has read messages so I know he got them.
Me: multiple attempts at contact throughout semester
Him: did not reply to literally any. He comes home from college and messages me an apology for not staying in contact better (him not responding is cyclical.. happens every semester for the last five years). Asks when we can get together.
Me: I tell him we can get together any day/night but Thursday.
Him: He doesn’t reply for multiple days and then asks if I can come by New Year’s Eve
Me: I say no, we (spouse and me) already have plans.
Him: He asks why I can’t come by for even half an hour and just not stay the whole time because he is leaving out of state soon to visit family
Me: I haven’t responded yet...
I’m NTA for not diving over to see him for 30 minutes on NYE when we already have plans, right? It’s a 20 min drive each way. Like I want to see him, but it sucks to be ignored for three months then ignored again when I volunteered my availability. And he’s having other people over tonight too. And I have a flexible work schedule and offered basically the whole week. This is a good friend- like someone you can just pick up with even after a few months. And I empathize that it stinks to be home from college and then driving around hometown to see friends a bunch.. but it’s also over a month long break so I feel like a more mutually pleasant time should be achievable. He is a busy person with family to visit and holidays and such, so a month long break goes fast.. but I just can’t help but feel frustrated by this.
Lastly, sorry for typos or formatting. I’m on mobile.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
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|
a2mrd4
|
{
"description": "telling my Fiancé I need a night to sleep on it",
"pronormative_score": 45,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my Fiancé I need a night to sleep on it.
|
A bit of backstory: I'm deployed to a foreign country for the Army. I have a fiancé back home. My fiancé has a friend, we'll call him John. John has been her friend for awhile and he seemed like a good friend until recently. About two weeks ago he tried to kiss my fiancé. Dick move. But she reacted the way she should have and I was all good with it. Until yesterday.
Yesterday I Facetimed my fiancé after she washed her dogs. She is going on a trip to see her parents (other side of America) and was talking about getting to the Airport. I suggested having John take her since she trusts him, even though I don't really care for me. She said "I thought you didn't like him?"
I replied "I don't, but I trust you"
She then panned the camera around to him, shirtless in her bed. They were both fully clothed otherwise. I freaked out a bit. I hung up on her, and when she called back I was pretty upset. She apologized, sent him home, and explained that he was helping her wash the dogs (Shes 5' 100lbs, they are both pitbulls) and his shirt got wet, so she put it in the drier. I said "Well, we have different morality of what's okay in a relationship." She tried to joke it off commenting on my having something to eat saying "Well you have a snack in bed too" and that's when I lost it.
My Fiance has problems sleeping. I often tell her little stories to get her to bed. I told her "How about next time you can't sleep you call John too!" and hung up. She called until I picked up and apologized after sending him home, and cried about how she acted. All was good until I went to work.
During my work shift, it just ate at the back of my head. My fiancé usually calls about an hour after I get off before I go to bed. When she called I told her I needed a nights rest to really get over what happened. She called me a dick and hung up. That was two minutes ago.
Reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
faybJgHKpjWq6anejNwkQ3RsWOVHDCVB
|
b6iiez
|
{
"description": "not going to two weddings the same weekend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If i didnt go to two weddings the same weekend.
|
I have two very good friends that are getting married the same weekend, but in different states. One is where I live in the Midwest. The other is near Washington DC. I am the best man in the wedding in the Midwest. The wedding in the Midwest is on Saturday and the one in Washington is on Monday. (Labor Day weekend)
Both are good friends. The one near Washington I don't see as often, but the distance has not diminished our relationship. Both are understanding of the dilemma. The wedding I'm standing up in is fine if I leave Sunday and the one in Washington is fine if I miss his wedding.
The dilemma is between my wife and I. She thinks I am being a jerk for not wanting to do both in a weekend. It is for a combination of reasons.
1. Money. Money is a bit of an issue. We both have good jobs, but taxes for me were drastically raised this year. I already cancelled a planned vacation die to this and I have stopped spending money on my hobbies in order to build up my savings again. (I'm only worried about plane ticket costs and hotel rooms, not gifts. Those I have budgeted for)
2. Time off work. I get a limited time off and I would be leaving during my busy seasons.
3. Not being able to enjoy either wedding because I'm struggling to make it to both and fulfill my duties.
I have no issue if my wife wants to go alone. If she can make the money situation work I'm fine with it. (Due to timing my mortgage, and the wedding bills are due around the same time. I can pay for this but it will wipe out my savings until my next pay check. (paid monthly)
I don't think my wife is the asshole. Im just hoping I'm not.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
9x0lpt
|
{
"description": "telling my friend his crush is out of his league",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 25
}
|
AITA for telling my friend his crush is out of his league?
|
My friend has a big crush on a girl. While he's a nice guy and all, I think there isn't the slightest chance of them getting together. He's shy, inexperienced and awkward with girls. She's outgoing, popular, and let's face it, much more attractive than he is. It would be a disaster if he tried anything and I'd hate if that happened to him.
To spare him from embarrassment and rejection, I basically told him she's out of his league (not literally, but it was implied). Now he's very angry and yelling to me via text.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
a8GvJ5ghgfEZoRmu6McCWp68VV8oQTmq
|
a4l91f
|
{
"description": "being upset with my girlfriend for flirting with another guy",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset with my girlfriend for flirting with another guy?
|
My girlfriend has a bit of a flirtatious personality, but she may have crossed a line. Last night we were at a party and met this new guy. My girlfriend kept playfully calling him different names instead of his real name the whole night.
Nothing super overt so far. But when the party winds down she comments on a dessert and he responds that he made the sweets. She says, "I think you're sweet" very lasciviously.
Then, new guy was about to leave and he starts shaking hands he offeres a handshake to my girlfriend and she goes for the hug instead.
Now I actually quite liked meeting the new guy. He was very aboveboard, but I found my girlfriend's behavior rather bizarre. Perhaps she was more intoxicated than I thought. AITA for being upset at her for doing this in front of my face? Or am I overreacting?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
bgyOsmYxa7RkxeCizvJqzymGwMIygGom
|
ay6j4u
|
{
"description": "not paying my friend to build my pc",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA If I Didn't Pay My Friend To Build My PC
|
I had two friends help build a PC back in May, with one being the subject of the post. He had helped me pick parts, and repeatedly said that he’d be more than happy to help me build it. Important thing to note here is that it was never a point of discussion pre-build that I would be paying him to help.
As we start on the project, he’s did nearly all the work besides grunt things my other friend and I did. He was very controlling over the whole build, but at the time I was just grateful he was helping me out. PC gets built, and I’m ecstatic. I start to feel bad he did mostly everything, and so I nonchalantly tell him I owe him for it and that I’d give him $20 for all the hard work at some point after I got my paycheck. A few days pass and while hanging out with friends he mocks me for not having “paid” him yet. I found this odd as the tip I mentioned was more of a gesture that I would get to at earliest convenience, rather than an “IOU.” Almost every time I talked to him after building the PC he berated me for the $20, and it quickly started to piss me off until I finally decided fuck em’ I’m not giving him $20. Slowly we became distant, but this didn’t stop him from nearly 2 months later bringing it up in a group chat that I had yet to pay him his “fee” for building my PC. I kept ignoring him until he started calling me a “jew” nearly every other sentence just because he was so butthurt I didn’t tip him for what was originally just inviting my buddies over to help me build my PC. Finally I snap and tell him “alright what’s your Paypal I’ll send it to you” and he obliges. I then sent him 20 payments of $1, knowing full well Paypal deducts per transaction, and he’d only get around $15 of it. He messages me “are you fucking serious” and then proceeds to breakdown what I did like I was 5 years old and didn’t understand what I had done. I play dumb, say I’m sorry and that I was just trolling him a bit, and offer for him to refund it and I’d send it in full, but he takes all 20 payments anyways. I finally start to think this bs is over with, until today, nearly 10 months from when we built the PC, 7 months from when I paypalled him, he brings it back up in a group chat after getting roasted about something completely unrelated (and not by me), stating that I had never paid him for building my PC, and again calling me a jew. At this point I recap about everything I’ve said in this post in the group chat, and that it was ridiculous that 7 months after I in fact paid him, with him only losing $5 of what I originally was going to tip him, he still proceeded to act like I was this grand cheap ass for thinking I had a friend who wanted to just help me build the PC at zero cost. We argue back and forth, with his core argument being that he shouldn’t have had to say he wanted to get paid for it, I just should have been a good “customer” and assume he was not doing it for free. Reddit, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
T30jYiKZ3wuyKF2ADlvnX2Fyz2CvSgCk
|
alvsr0
|
{
"description": "getting annoyed that my coworker came to work sick and was wearing a face mask",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting annoyed that my coworker came to work sick and was wearing a face mask.
|
I work at a spa as a massage therapist. When I walked into work early this morning I saw one of my coworkers who works as a receptionist at the front desk wearing a surgical mask and looking like absolute shit and immediately found myself annoyed that he deemed it necessary to come into work and put everyone at risk.
What really upsets me about the situation is that this type of behavior is encouraged by management, as they went on a 45 min tirade during our last company meeting about how we need to cut back on call outs and wearing masks ,“ like workers in South Korea, who are the most devoted employees in the world”while sick was their solution to the problem.
I’m of the mindset that people get sick, especially in the northeast during the winter months, and especially in a profession where we have daily physical contact with people and when said people are sick they should stay home. I’ve gotten sick three times over the last two months and I have a one year old daughter at home who’s been sick twice this winter. So AITA for getting pissed and asking for my coworker to be sent home as to not put our clients and fellow employees at risk of contracting his illness?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
ati5iq
|
{
"description": "never making time for people",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for never making time for people
|
Hello everyone, so I'll try to keep this concise.
​
I'm in my early 20s and work two jobs: one full time director position and my own business which is bit of a passion project for me. I tend to be pretty busy. I always feel guilty taking time for myself and whenever I do I just want to spend it by myself on small road trips.
​
This is of course hurting my social life, which is fine, but now it's hurting my inner circle of friends as well. They're pissed at me for rarely ever making time for them. I think the biggest issue is that many of my friends are also in their 20s, but with little responsibilities. If I do schedule time to be with them I always try to limit it to a 4 hour block in my schedule, but they always want to go over the time and turn it into an all day event. It makes me angry that they don't stay within their block of time so I just refuse to try making plans with them again for another few months... This includes my immediate family.
​
AITA for not making more time for my loved ones?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
p3aezS6M5RUAU3jo3B9HTB7grBFH4Rtr
|
b071kw
|
{
"description": "not wanting to call my abortion clinic",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not wanting to call my abortion clinic
|
So long story short I recently had an abortion fathered by a friend of mine. He was supportive during, he came down to see me for the two days I went through it and, though it was kind of painful, we managed quite well just eating chocolate in bed and watching movies. Now however, it’s taken a bit of a turn. Basically he wanted me to call up my abortion clinic and ask for an email confirmation of my abortion so he could use it to get extended time for essays. I told him I did not want to do that, that it made me feel sick and uncomfortable and reopened stuff I just wanted to forget about. He then started calling me selfish, that he was emotionally affected by it too and that he needed the evidence to get the time as the two days he spent with me were on the week everything was taught for his essays. We sort of left it last night with me agreeing to call them, even though I still really didn’t want to, then this morning I asked if he was going to apologise for shouting at me and calling me selfish. He point blank refused. He said that he stood by every word he said and that I was being selfish and not thinking about him. He then said ‘are we done? Cos I need to go sort my life out’ and we hung up. I’ve spoken to my housemate and she said I was well within my right to refuse to do something I didn’t want to. I’m glad she is sticking with me because otherwise I would probably feel like I had done something wrong. I love this guy and understand that he truly believes he needs this evidence and that he will fail if he doesn’t - I just don’t know how to feel, am I really being so ridiculously selfish?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
nHNVH71CHR38RsLuDboX6i0i1KBqC3Qz
|
aqfbsz
|
{
"description": "wanting some reciprocal verbal sympathy for being sick from my pregnant wife, who is also sick",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting some reciprocal verbal sympathy for being sick from my pregnant wife, who is also sick?
|
**TL;DR - Pregnant wife and I both sick, I try to be verbally sympathetic, the sympathy is not reciprocated, wife does pregnancy announcement photo with her sister without me and attempted to upload to Facebook tonight, didn't upload upon my request.**
My guess is a loud and resounding "yes," but let me walk through some quick contextual items:
I (32M) am a gigantic pussy when I get sick. It only happens once (MAYBE twice) a year and usually it's a 24-48 hour thing. It is not terribly uncommon for my wife (35F, 14 weeks preganté) to get sick on a somewhat more frequent basis as she works with small children. Impossible to tell "who-gets-sicker" as I think it's like comparing apples and oranges.
What I do know is that I left work early and have been bedridden since 4pm today except for a bath I just took. Usually I have the fan on full blast when I'm in bed and only take luke-warm baths, but today I am achey, congested, and can't get hot enough.
Sent wife the following text when I got home:
"Afternoon sweetness. Just got home and let dogs out. Feeling substantially sick so I'm going to try and take a nap...I love you forever and always, looking forward to seeing you tonight because seeing your happy face is my favorite medicine."
I fall asleep. She calls my cell 30 minutes later, saying she didn't read my text because she's driving. I said I was feeling much worse since the morning and was trying to take a nap. She says ok, I'll be home in an hour.
Didn't sleep at all. Heard her come in, walk in the bedroom and start going through her closet. I said hi, she said I'm just changing my shirt, I say how was your day, sorry you're feeling sick, that sucks, etc. She says it's fine, closes bedroom door, starts watching TV in the living room (quietly).
After another half hour I can't stand how cold I am, I come out to living room and say I'm going to take a bath, she says ok. As I'm taking a bath, I hear my wife's sister (26F) come in the house. NBD, not out of the usual, wife probably invited her over to hang out. I wrap up my bath, silently curse the entire winter season under my breath, put on pajamas, and walk out into living room.
Wife and wife's sister are doing a baby announcement photoshoot with the dogs. It's something we had talked about on and off this week about but never solidified plans. Wife is spontaneous so it's not completely out of the question, just surprised and a tiny bit hurt that it happened to occur when I'm out of commission. Possibility that my wife could have mistaken my lackadaisical attitude about the announcement earlier in the week as disinterest. I retreat to bed.
Wife comes in bedroom 15 minutes later to show me the announcement photo, asks if she can post it to Facebook. I ask if we could wait until tomorrow if at all possible, she seems taken aback slightly, but says ok. My thinking was that I wanted to share that moment with her and watch the replies live with her. Again, my request may have come off dismissive.
Wife comes in 15 minutes later, asks if I need water or vitamins, I say vitamins would be very nice. She goes into the kitchen, grabs pills (?), brings them to me, I say thank you, she says you're welcome, leaves bedroom.
AITA for feeling upset that at no point during the day did she acknowledge that I was feeling really shitty, like "that sucks," or "I'm sorry," or "is there anything that I can do?" when she is one of the most caring people I know and I know for a fact that there were 3 separate times today that I offered these / similar sentiments? I think between that and the pregnancy announcement I'm just feeling a bit (selfishly) unloved.
Thanks for reading.
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Y5A5TaK8p4NQfaYZnnV2YDA9WhFNdQNy
|
9x1gce
|
{
"description": "criticizing the way my mom homeschooled me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for criticizing the way my mom homeschooled me?
|
When I was in third grade, my mom started homeschooling me at my request. I was a sensitive kid, and, while I wasn’t being bullied, I felt like all the other kids hated me and I’d come home crying most days.
I’d also tested at a 6th grade reading level in the first grade, and the school wasn’t doing anything to help me progress. My scores would get worse throughout the year and only pick up again after the summer when I’d been at home with my mom, reading and doing workbooks.
In the beginning, we tried K-12. I did well with it, but, according to my mom, I’d forget everything I’d learned almost right away. She decided we’d take an unschooling approach, meaning I’d learn what I wanted when I wanted to. I was taking horsemanship lessons for a while because I was interested in horses, we joined a couple homeschool groups where we were able to take classes taught by parents of other homeschooled who were somewhat well-versed in those subjects.
I’ve always hated math. My dad is diagnosed with dyscalculia, and so my parents figured that I also had it, since I hated math so much. I got myself so worked up about it that eventually even just someone saying the word math would make me freak out. My mom let me just not do it. The most she ever did was teach me fractions through cooking and measurements.
My day-to-day was spent on the internet, doing god knows what. Watching funny YouTube videos and looking at cringey 2010-2015-era memes, probably, and reading the occasional fantasy fiction book. Sometimes, if I was feeling crazy, I’d watch a documentary on Netflix. The homeschool group was only once a week and I was mainly taking acting classes, and a couple of random science classes. One was taught by my mom and we’d watch Mythbusters videos and do experiments. I think I took a USA geography class where we read a book about Lewis and Clark. My mom also taught an Intro to Psychology class that I took.
In about 2015, my freshman year, we moved away from where we had that homeschool group. At this point, I had not progressed in math whatsoever. Had not even tried to learn more math for years, simply because I’d convinced myself I couldn’t do it and my mom reinforced that by not pushing me to do it.
Remember, unschooling.
If she said, “hey it might be a good idea for you to learn this,” and I said I didn’t want to, that was the end of it. She wouldn’t push any further. And so I was allowed to just not do anything. I also struggled with mental illness from 2013 to 2017. I went through a range of eating disorders and depression, and I never wanted to do anything, school-wise. So my mom just let me.
I was also very socially stunted. It has taken a lot of effort and self-reflection to teach myself how to maturely interact with people my own age. I actually used to have a fear of people my own age. I’m still overly sensitive, and still put my foot in my mouth quite often, and I feel that I wouldn’t have had so much of a problem with this if I hadn’t been homeschooled.
In 2016, I started taking online high school classes that my new state’s public school system provided. I took Biology, World History, English, Spanish I, II, and III, a Personal Finance class, a Marine Bio class, and I was enrolled in an Algebra class for a couple of weeks, but I couldn’t understand any of it and had to drop out.
Which brings me to now. I was on the phone with my mom and she began telling me about how well my younger siblings are doing at this Montessori school they’ve just been enrolled in after being homeschooled for years. (They asked to be homeschooled about a year after I did.) She was telling me about how people have asked her if they’ll want to be homeschooled again after this year, and how she responded that while my siblings like to complain about the workload and the other students, they don’t want to be homeschooled again. I said at this point that I wished I’d gone to a Montessori school, too. My mom was slightly offended at this. She began to tell me what she’d always told me about public schools and private schools when I’d expressed doubt about my education, which was, “You think your sister is going to remember anything about the project she spent 4 hours on about a cell? No one learns anything by being forced to learn it. Even if you’d gone to a Montessori school you’d have forgotten everything anyway, because you weren’t choosing to learn it. Most people don’t remember anything from their middle school or high school educations. Besides, I tried to force you to learn stuff, and you wouldn’t! I signed you up for an algebra class and you dropped out!”
Yes, Mom, because I didn’t even know my times tables at that point! Or division! Or subtracting any numbers with more than 2 digits! You can’t expect me to know how to do algebra when you haven’t taught me basic math and then tell me it’s my fault when I have to drop out.
Currently, I’m in a European country as an exchange student. I don’t need grades, though this is my senior year, because I’m still technically “homeschooled” and my mom writes my transcript. I’ve noticed how much harder the classes here are than anything I’ve done before. I’m in the 11th grade here because the 12th is preparing for their exams, but I’m still having trouble keeping up. Granted the classes are in a language I don’t speak, but I know I wouldn’t understand the subject matter if it were in English anyway.
So I now have proof that my mom’s style of homeschooling has not gotten me to where I should be in my education. I’ve never taken an standardized test, or really any test, aside from the ones included in my state’s shitty online classes. I have no prospects for college. My mom used to tell me that I was just as smart as or smarter than the average high schooler whenever I’d tell her that I was worried about my education, which was frequent. She’d tell me that yeah, I could start going to the local high school, but that I’d probably hate it and beg to be homeschooled again because I was the only one there trying to learn anything. And she’d tell me that college was overrated and all it does is rack up debt, and that there are plenty of smart people who don’t go to college.
I guess I just feel like I’ve been dealt an unfair hand, but also that I brought it on myself at the same time. I feel like it should have been my mom’s responsibility to make me learn things I didn’t want to learn, her being the parent and teacher, instead of just letting me slough it off due to fear of failure and apathy brought on by my mental illnesses (that went untreated for way too long, by the way— I said I didn’t want to be treated so my mom didn’t have me go to therapy or anything like that. Just because I said I didn’t want to. Of course I didn’t want to! That’s kind of how anorexia/bulimia work!)
But in my mom’s eyes, it’s my fault for not doing more, for asking for more curriculum, for trying harder. And since she’s my mom, she usually is able to convince me of it too.
On the phone call I just had with her, after I said I wished I’d had the opportunity to go to this Montessori school, she said, “I feel like you’re always criticizing me for the way I’ve homeschooled you!” I said that I was. She argued with me some more about how I was the one who dropped out of the algebra class, and then she hung up on me.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
g4swNn4MvJyxcmUuYN6bT2A03vMc6PAf
|
aiha6o
|
{
"description": "not letting my boyfriend use my car anymore",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting my boyfriend use my car anymore?
|
My boyfriend and I have been together for over 6 years. And living together for the last 2.5.
About 2 years ago I had bad luck with cars. I had 2 cars get totaled within 7 months of each other. Neither accident was my fault, and the only reason both cars were totaled was because they were not worth enough.
One car was my mom’s old car she passed on to me that had over 200k miles on it. I was hit from behind at a red light and the guys drove off. The other I bought used with the money from the insurance money, my savings, and a small loan from my parents.
After the second car in less then a year was totaled from a deer running across the highway I felt I had to buy new this time. That way I get what I want in a car and if something else happens it will more then likely be covered to get fixed not automatically totaled.
My boyfriend is against buying new cars. He sees them as a bad investment that just depreciate quickly over time. He would rather buy a clunker with +150k miles on it with no heat or a/c, and terrible suspension for $3k then pay +$30k for a brand new car with all the bells and whistles. I understand his logic but respectfully disagree with him and he does the same with me.
He told me he would not be contributing/cosign with me on a loan when buying a brand new car. I said that’s fine. It’s my money, it’s my credit on the line, and it’s my car payment. My responsibility.
I ended up getting a loan for only 1.6% with my work’s credit union and bought a brand new 2017 Toyota RAV4. And I love my car. I still stand by my decision to buy new. Very happy. We use my car all the time and my boyfriend only uses his to drive himself to and from work. He will often ask me to use it instead of his car. And I always say yes.
Fast forward to this past weekend. My boyfriend and I have bought a house together and we have been working on it. Fixing it up and whatnot. And I am the one with the big enough/reliable car that can do the hauling to the dump. That makes my car so dirty and I have started to notice more and more wear and tear on my 2 year old car.
We had cut down a tree and that left a lot of wood shavings all over the place and my boyfriend wanted to use my car to haul it to the dump. I told him I really don’t want to use my car to haul stuff like this anymore because of the damage it’s doing and I ask him to please ask to borrow a friends pickup truck to do the run.
Our friend isn’t available when my boyfriend wants to do this dump run and we have to get it done. So we start loading my car up with the wood shavings and the bags are breaking, making a mess everywhere.
We get the first load done and head home to get the last load. While loading up the second haul I notice there was damage done to the driver side rear wheel well. I flip out. I’m so mad that my car has damage on it and all the mess from the wood chips doesn’t help. I’m beyond pissed. My boyfriend doesn’t like to put up with my “fits” as he puts it and told me he will make the last dump run by himself.
I realize from the beginning the damage on the outside was neither of our faults. It looks like a car cut too close and side swiped the back while I was parked in front of my house. It must have happened during the snow storm we had earlier this week.
He leaves to finish the dump run and I go cool down and clean myself up. Once he is back, I’ve already filed a claim with my insurance to get the damage looked at. I explain to him later that the reason I was so upset was the fact we always use my car and it is causing so much damage to it. I tell him I’m going to need him to start helping me with taking care of my car or we don’t use it anymore. He instantly starts going off about how he never supported me getting a brand new car and it’s not his responsibility.
I was more referring to him cleaning my car after using it to haul stuff in it. From my perspective, it’s like if you lend someone you trust your laptop and they return it with the fingerprints all over the screen and crumbs in the keyboard.
Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
ZQxVhG2spYVJThOHXenJafACJl5iz783
|
afs72g
|
{
"description": "getting annoyed when my girlfriend tells me her problems",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for getting annoyed when my girlfriend tells me her problems?
|
My girlfriend complains a lot (about life, school) because of her depression and anxiety. At the beginning of our relationship, I could tolerate it no matter what and it was completely fine, but as time went on, I started to get more and more annoyed by it.
Every time she’d complain to me about something, it would immediately ruin my mood. I would start feeling sad and angry and overall just pissy.
I would love to be the kind and supporting boyfriend with nothing but sweet words to tell her and comfort her, but the moment she tells me her problems, most of which are her fault, I get sad.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
DzmaULllAQQCGdagB0xliJGaFSt9muuV
|
b7hgps
|
{
"description": "going through my BF's things",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For Going Through My BF's Things?
|
I'm F20, My BF is M22 and we've been together for over a year now. He just bought a condo and moved in on friday, I came over today to help him unpack as he had to go into work for an emergency. I was unpacking his clothes to put into his closet and drawers when I came across a pretty heavy box with just boxers in them. I thought to myself that no way are some boxers this heavy and moved them out of the way to find a small duffle bag in there. I thought he packed more underwear in there so I opened it up to put away but I found some things that confused me a lot. I found a shitty flip phone, 20k cash (which was the most shocking), a full change of clothes, Magnum Condoms (he can't fit into these for sure, so that was confusing) and a swiss army knife. I was weirded out by these things so I confronted him about it and he was pissed that I went through his things and said that the cash was for playing poker, he does play a lot. He didn't offer a explanation for the rest and I left hurt and he was mad at me.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
I54HT6LuxlEQPfXipTlXMdGOmfP0GgQG
|
a812br
|
{
"description": "telling him I wasn't interested anymore after he stood me up",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling him I wasn't interested anymore after he stood me up?
|
I re-activated my OKC account and started talking to some people that seemed interested and wanted to meet to do something fun, like bowling or drinks and movie, etc. This dude was funny and quick to respond, and we made a plan for last Thursday at 9:15pm for drinks and potentially dancing.
He later mentions that he only wants to dance, and tries to change the meeting point from somewhere neutral to somewhere with a dance floor and not much of a vibe for talking. I talk him back to accepting a quieter spot where we can decide to dance after introductions and talking. I didn't want to immediately getting touchy and grope-y without feeling the vibe and seeing if he was nice. At first, didn't think much of this part, except that he must love dancing. So we plan for 9:15, and I tell him that I'll be at an event from around 6:30-8:30, but I'm excited to meet and will see him there.
During the time he knows I was busy, he messaged that his grandma was sick. No mention of canceling, postponing, or anything. Just "My grandma isn't doing well today." I manage to glance at my phone in the bathroom and could respond a bit later, asking him "what happened?" and if he was feeling okay, plus if he was still free. I wanted to know and make sure he was okay. He talks about her health deteriorating, but nothing about our plan to meet in 30 minutes. Later, I still ask "want to still hang? " No response. He selectively answered my questions.
The next day, he says that if I had said I wanted to dance first, he would've wanted to hang since that is how he copes with things. But instead, he just ignored me. I'm thinking, he could've messaged me that he was sad and wanted to dance out the sads, I would be so down! Now, I'm noticing that when there was doubt that dancing might happen, he got lazy and blamed it on a sick grandparent. Even if she is sick, isn't it sort of a courtesy to cancel something if you know that you won't be able to make it, or you're feeling depressed and don't want to see other people for a minute? He was comfortable enough to divulge his life story the next day, but the night of, he couldn't send a raincheck? So I addressed it the next day, said sorry about your grandparent, hope it all works out and you feel better soon. He apologizes for not being straightforward. We say happy holidays and move on. So cool, I'm over it.
Then 5 days later, he asks me about my holiday plans, what I was cooking, nice things in general. Mentions that he'd cook eggplant parm for me one day, and that's when I just say "I'm not interested anymore." On my side, it seemed like a bad sign that for a first date, he didn't feel comfortable enough to postpone for something that I'd understand. I know some other girls are flakey online, but I value my time and other people's time as well, and I make that clear in my profile and with my words. My friends were telling me to ignore him, as that's what people usually do nowadays, but being ghosted and ghosting never really feels good, so I was straightforward.
He goes into depth about how he didn't want to skip the date, he just didn't feel up to it and that life was hard lately. He says that I don't know anything about his life and can't judge him by the fact that he stood me up, and that he thinks we have so much in common, including our humor. Not sure we really even talked enough for him to know that, but maybe he felt that way, sure. Of course, I feel a little bad, but also, this is just a first date. Shouldn't be so complicated. I told him, respectfully, that I feel for his hard time during the holidays, and hope he stays strong for his grandma.
Then he called me an insecure bitch.
I didn't respond.
AITA for telling him that I didn't like being stood up, and wasn't interested in pursuing another date after that even though he said his grandma was sick?
This isn't the light fun that online dating is supposed to be!
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
OCJN22p8j84tisdwCjV8PM91JatTdNXH
|
alqms2
|
{
"description": "not \"returning the favor\" by sending nudes to a so",
"pronormative_score": 38,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not “returning the favor” by sending nudes to a SO?
|
Throwaway for personal reasons- some details omitted for anonymity reasons.
I’ve been seeing someone for about 5 months at this point- LDR. Started as friends and almost immediately hit it off on a deeper level. We began spending HOURS every day texting back and forth and talking about our lives. I’ve shared personal things that no one else knows and the same with him to me.
Eventually it starts to escalate into more romantic feelings and we both express how we feel. There’s a strong desire to move forward to next steps and with intense flirting came other things - phone sex and sexting.
Now he did send the classic dick pic (not necessarily unsolicited but I wasn’t begging for it either) along with some really sexy photos. I sent fewer back - really only flashing myself a bit.
He began asking for more ( I have to stress it was over time not necessarily demanding it or putting a ton or pressure)
But I don’t feel comfortable with that honestly. I had an ex who videotaped me and had repercussions for letting that happen so I’m extra sensitive on what I give out.
I’d much rather just commit to getting together in person and making it happen...
The only TOTALLY justified point for him ( I don’t deny the unfairness) is that he currently has a webcam for Skype and I don’t (or haven’t in the past at least) so while I get to see him he hasn’t gotten to see me. I let him know I was buying a webcam and it’ll actually be here tomorrow!
I’m just worried that even on Skype he’ll be wanting me to show myself and do things with / for him. I understand in fully committed healthy relationships it’s a normal thing and if I fully trusted him I probably would have ended up doing it anyways but...
but the conversation never got to that point sadly. Him being fed up with me not sending him pics of my body asked me to delete everything I have of his and has been giving me the cold shoulder ever since. We’ve completely stopped talking and he has said some hurtful things that are VERY uncharacteristic of who I believed he was as a person.
Tl;dr - fall for an amazing guy online who overtime begins asking for nudes and I don’t return the favor - he’s pretty much over it
AITA? :(
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
zRPiVYfLa1BvqDEbcI5zKnOuYLFb4RS4
|
azbtd4
|
{
"description": "purposely grossing out my girlfriend to stop her from doing something",
"pronormative_score": 44,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For Purposely Grossing Out My Girlfriend to Stop her from doing Something?
|
What I am about to describe is extremely odd and pretty gross so you've been warned.
My girlfriend is an amazing girl, and we get a long super well. We rarely fight and have been together for ages. However, she has this one really strange habit that disturbs me. Every single time she goes to take a shit she feels the need to inform me. I'll randomly get texts like, "holy babe I just took the biggest dump". Great for her, but this is not information that I need or wanted to know. I'll get texts like this a couple times a week.
I told her it was moderately disturbing to hear about her bowel movements and asked her to stop. She agreed, but went right back to doing it. I asked her to stop again, and once again she said she would but never did. I think she legitimately forgets and isn't trying to disturb me. I have no idea where this weird habit comes from but I wanted it to stop.
I took things into my own hands. Whenever she started telling me about her bathroom activities, I would respond back with gross stuff along the lines of, "that's so hot, send me a video of you doing it". Now I don't actually want a video or find that remotely attractive, but I figured if I started disturbing her right back she would stop. It was working, I progressively got more and more gross until finally she stopped.
I got what I wanted in the end but I feel like the way I went about it may have been a dick move, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
AeSJdv7UXJ1ome7hWUObFS0tznp8U3Aw
|
aiv0hd
|
{
"description": "not wanting to attend my sister's engagement",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to attend my sister's engagement
|
Not an engagement dinner, not a bachelorette party, not a bridal shower. But the actual marriage proposal.
My soon to be brother-in-law has invited me and my family to watch him propose. We were not asked to be used in the proposal. The location is not yet set, but will be anywhere from 2-4 hours away. Me, my husband and our two small kids will be spending the entire day in the car to basically be saying "congratulations".
Also, the engagement is not a surprise to anyone. There's already been ring shopping and venue viewing, where both families got together. The wedding date was chosen a few weeks ago.
Please help me, oh wise Reddit.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
fNP3LtOtoR16Jx6Q73W0E0mvFozjUJ5q
|
andxlf
|
{
"description": "being \"too loud\" in my dorm room",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being "too loud" in my dorm room?
|
I'm a freshman in college and live in a single dorm room that's part of a larger suite. I've gotten many many noise complaints from one particular suite above me to the point where I've faced some fees. Here's the thing: I honestly don't think I'm that loud. Yes, I'm a night owl (I stay awake until early morning) and I'm a gamer but if I ever do talk to my friends it's between normal talking and whispering (or just straight up whispering). Yet I get numerous complaints from the same group of people that they hear really loud and obnoxious talking through the floor? I even had my suitemates stand outside my room with the door open and they said they had to focus REALLY hard to actually hear me talking. Naturally, I want to respect their wishes but I don't want to be living in complete silence at the same time.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
UGGB5hxDK8Oidj3qJrs5CpXLsiliGJjU
|
a5fhxd
|
{
"description": "agreeing with my wife",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for Agreeing with my Wife
|
So, here's some context. I was previously married. My wife passed away leaving me with 3 boys. I tried staying in touch with my mother-in-law (nana) and sister-in-law (aunt), and I didn't do a good job. Fast forward, and I'm re-married. My current wife was mad at me my piss poor job. She takes over and started coordinating visits. This was tough since we lived in different states over 300 miles. But she made it work and all was good until 2016.
Between the summer of 2016 and the holidays of 2017, my wife coordinated 9 different visit, and 8 times their nana and aunt backed out the very last minute sometimes without letting us know. This upset my wife because she is very family oriented. The last time she coordinated in January she said to me, "I'm not telling the boys this time." She was tired of being the one to build up the boys' hopes and crushing them when they backed out. When the time came we got nothing. Text, Phone call, FB nothing. This was the last straw for my wife, so she stopped "trying".
Yesterday, 11 months after the last failed coordinate, my wife finally got a message from the boys' aunt. They wanted to coordinate a visit for the holiday's. My wife was pissed. Although she stopped trying, periodically she kept sending messages with no replies. Now, out of the blue, they want to see the boys at a time when my wife already has plans to take our kids to visit our families in another state. She is planning on telling them no, and I agree with her.
AITA for agreeing with my wife to not letting the boys see their nana and aunt?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
N1J1UbIYyh5ouvNR6ARloBtvvq9R1ZmI
|
aa4lzr
|
{
"description": "wanting to sell a game I bought but my saying I can't",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA I want to sell a game I bought but my brother is saying i can't
|
I bought Red dead redemption 2 for the PS4 with my money and I finished it and it was cool. My brother finished it too. I tried the online and I hated it. I wasn't going to sell it still but I'm now seeing that my store is offering €50 for the game and that's a pretty sweet deal. So I want to bring it to the store tomorrow but my brother is saying that I can't sell it and it's not fair even though I'm the one who bought it with my own money. He wants to play online with his friends but it's not like he is paying for the online on the PS4. I'm the one who is paying for it. Every single year. He never helps pay for PS Plus ever.
I'm still going to sell it since I bought it but I feel guilty and bad about it but the €50 deal seems to good to pass up on. The last time this happened was with a game called Injustice 2. He begged me not to sell it (I hated the game) and I listened to him and eventually when he said I could sell it because his friends moved on to a new game the game had gone down in value and I only got €13 from it after paying €60 for it.
I'm 17 and he is 16. We both get money weekly but he spends his money on other things.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
s8vPVO9p7s5Y6me8cK9nErEuX7SDSYFC
|
b8gasg
|
{
"description": "not being as attracted to my boyfriend anymore since he lost weight",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not being as attracted to my boyfriend anymore since he lost weight?
|
Not new to Reddit, just using a throwaway because he knows my personal account.
​
The past few months, my boyfriend has been losing a ton of weight and he's putting a lot of work and effort into his weight loss. He was NEVER fat, he was just a little chubby and had a bit of a belly but that's who I fell in love with. I loved my tubby man, and obviously I still love him now just as much - but I feel myself being less attracted to him and it makes me feel horrible.
​
I am very proud of him and I've been nothing but supportive, but honestly I just feel like the worst girlfriend for being attracted to him less. I've always liked chubbier men, I like the whole "dad bod" thing lol, but my boyfriend wasn't happy with himself so I encouraged him to maybe lose some weight if that would help him. It honestly is helping, he seems much more content with himself and life, the only issue is I just don't want to have sex every single day like I used to. I know I'm a massive dickhead and a bit weird for being like this, but I can't help it.
​
I like fit bodies too like any woman would, but I fell in love with my tubby man and I miss it! He was easier to cuddle :p
​
Also just want to point out I am NOT planning on telling him any of this, I am planning on working with myself.
​
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 15,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
xmKfKYS0yNvlKdWNWVKdUFVphLKkNXMv
|
b0dkfa
| null |
AITA. Denied elderly man from a seat on the bus.
|
I take the bus fairly regularly on a rather busy route. Yesterday I got on and every seat was taken except one of the easy access seats designed with in-need people in mind. I do what I normally do on the bus, put my earphones in and start airdropping Star Wars prequels memes to random people.
It’s a 20 minute trip from where I get on to where I get off. About 15 minutes into the trip I look up and notice a man in his 70s-80s scowling at me. Realising he wanted my seat I look at the other seats around me, surely it’s not just me at fault here. I shit you not, every other seat was taken by someone who genuinely needed it. Two pregnant ladies and a couple of kids, an old lady and a guy with one of those blind walking sticks and a pair of sunnies. All of them were looking at me (except the blind guy) with a very similar expression to the old man. I felt I was in an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, and I was Larry David. I immediately apologise to the man and give him my seat.
The last five minutes to my stop were hell on earth, I felt like a hooker in church. I get that I should’ve given him my seat but he made no attempt to get my attention and neither did anyone else. Tell me reddit, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
mxFKG7exKZy4wrCsVbgKLi30XdtVrs99
|
alm88s
|
{
"description": "confronting a neighbor after he ordered me to take down my missing cat poster",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 18
}
|
AITA for confronting a neighbor after he ordered me to take down my missing cat poster
|
My cat went missing on January 6th and a few days later I told my 6 year old we could put up some missing posters around our neighborhood after school on our way home. I pick her up on my bicycle, and we took a different route home that day. The first place I thought would be ok was a telephone pole about a block away from the school.
I had a staple gun and as I was putting the poster up, I hear a man talking to me. I turn around and see a man in a truck staring at me. Our conversation went like this:
Him: do you have permission to put that there?
Me: umm...no, do I need permission?
Him: yes. You do.
Me: okay, from who?
Him: from me
At that point I thought he was just messing with me.
Me: oh ok. Can I have your permission then?
Him: No. Take it down right now
He then drove towards the culdesac on the street, turned around, and parked in front of the house on the corner. I realized the telephone pole was in the corner if his yard, though it was closer to the street than his house.
I was dumbfounded as to why he had to do that. My daughter was standing right there and she was confused, asking me "why is he telling you to take it down mommy?". Instead of just leaving I confronted him. I was really emotional because i fucking love that cat. I asked him why he felt he had the authority to keep me from putting it up? What could it possibly do to inconvenience him? What kind of a lesson is that for my daughter? I told her if we put up posters, more people would know he was missing and we would have a better chance at getting him back. She doesnt understand why the man didnt want us to find our cat. I called him an asshole and a pathetic excuse of a human being with absolutely no empathy for other people. That was probably over the line, but I was so upset. I had cried everyday because I just wanted my cat back, and that day I felt like not randomly bursting into tears was a good thing. I had to stop riding my bike a few times on the way home because I had started ugly crying again and couldn't stop.
I went home and emailed the city, asking if he really had the authority to make me take my sign down because it was in the corner of his yard. They eventually told me it was a violation of some city ordinance to put any signs along the road. I still put some up on people's fences along some busy roads nearby, but I made sure to get the homeowners permission to do so. Their fence is not on city property and as long as I have their permission, putting them on the fence is fine.
Still though, I feel like he was just being mean because he felt he could intimidate me. But then again, I could have handled it better and not let my emotions cloud my judgement.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 14,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 18
}
|
WRONG
|
WA1LCTcXsL6BDHF5krhvIauBy6zQg6fb
|
aa8ic4
|
{
"description": "being angry at my friends over videogames",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for being angry at my friends over videogames?
|
Perhaps the title is a bit (purposefully) misleading but Ill try to make this short.
I am a girl and I live with boys. I live with my boyfriend and a long time mutual friend. In the unit below us is my bf's twin brother and one of their lifelong friends.
These boys spend ALL of their free time playing video games. All of my female friends have moved too far away to visit very often and I don't have very many opportunities to/am not very good at making new ones.
Because of this, I have sacrificed a lot of the things I used to do and stopped writing my novel in order to learn about videogames and participate. I think this was mostly subconscious, and it might just be taking a toll.
Its difficult for me to find games I can be somewhat good at, mostly because I have vision problems and have trouble seeing things correctly on the tv but also straight up because they have more experience than me and I dont exactly find it fun to get my ass whooped repeatedly.
But every time I find a co-op game I think everyone will like, something happens. A new game comes out, they go back to replaying Halo for the 50th time, someone doesnt feel like it, or we play once and never again.
Tonight I kinda snapped a little bit. Ive been playing Destiny 2 lately and it turns out I really like it and am actually good at it. Even better, theyve all been playing it obsessively! Score! Im halfway to max level but I thought it would be fun for everyone to do a playthrough together starting from scratch, since Ive been on my bf's account and want to buy the game and build up my own characters by myself.
Here's where the problem came in. My bf was unwilling to start over, saying he could just help me catch up by giving my character OP gear. That TOTALLY defeats the purpose of what I wanted to do. His brother "actually doesnt really like that game" and our roommate "is going to immediately reacquire all his OP gear no matter what."
I couldnt help it. I started crying a little. I excused myself and went to bed before causing a scene, and now Im writing this.
I try so hard to find ways to spend time with my friends and its just fruitless. Im practically desperate for human interaction and Im worried its clouding my judgement.
Is it unfair of me to be upset?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
cJoEXteLVogSAL3wb4CWH5W90Sb7pnaw
|
b0patl
|
{
"description": "\"breaking up\" with my toxic best friend on the day before her wedding",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 26
}
|
AITA for “breaking up” with my toxic best friend on the day before her wedding?
|
I’m on mobile so sorry for formatting.
TL;DR: My best friend of 18 years was really toxic. I was supposed to be the maid of honor in her wedding. The day before her wedding she had pushed me to my breaking point and I “broke up” with her. AITA?
Extended version: I grew up in a small town with only one other kid in the whole neighborhood. That kid was my cousin, JC. She was one year older than me and we lived less than a block away from each other. Unfortunately, JC was very unstable and insecure because of a traumatic experience. JC started to change when that happened. She was no longer the happy go lucky kid I had become friends with. She became very possessive of her friends and family members. She would often get jealous and extremely upset when I made a new friend, she would ask on a daily basis “you love me, right?”. It was becoming clear to me that JC had some serious trust issues because of her traumatic experience. JC could never keep new friends around for very long because of her insecurities. I soon realized that my relationship with JC was unhealthy for me. I considered breaking it off but I didn’t know how or when. I told myself I should stay with her because I was her family. I sacrificed my own mental health to keep JC happy. In my senior year of high school. I had just gotten accepted to a somewhat far away 4 year college. I was so excited! JC was furious. In the next few months, money became very tight in my family and I couldn’t afford to attend that college even with scholarships and financial aid. I would have to attend the community tech school just like JC. I was heartbroken, but JC was ecstatic. JC had met this guy named Dan on tinder. While Dan had been away on some kind of deployment or something in the Marine Corps, JC’s dad was suddenly killed in a work accident. As much I had wanted to leave JC before, I knew I had to stay with her in this time of need. JC leaned on me very heavily for emotional support since we had been friends for so long and her boyfriend wasn’t around. I was determined to not let her down, at least not yet. In late April Dan came back. JC and Dan started planning their wedding. I was supposed to be the maid of honor. The day before the wedding, JC was more insecure than usual and was asking me “you love, me right?” way more than usual that day. I couldn’t take it anymore! I couldn’t believe she didn’t trust me. I told her that she was unstable and very insecure and that our relationship was toxic and was starting to affect my mental very negatively. She was raging mad, as I figured she would be but I couldn’t take it anymore. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 21,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 26
}
|
WRONG
|
D8jkCaWVKFkW1RhsnajxEzX0aWS7iPO4
|
acz1fy
|
{
"description": "telling my friends not to buy each other sex toys",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my friends not to buy each other sex toys?
|
I’m hosting a late secret santa for my friend group of about 12 people. It first started off as a friend joking that he wanted a dildo from his secret santa to which the others hopped onto the joke saying they wanted the same thing. Now it’s getting to the point that some of them are actually considering getting their person one. Usually I wouldn’t care what they got each other but the secret santa is taking place at my home where I will have family ranging from ages 5-80 being around and I do not want them to have to see any stuff like that. I told my friends they can’t buy any inappropriate junk like that but some of them basically booed me. So AITA for trying to stop them from buying sex toys?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
NxqGhY6K9F552lWdJ0Daw7aBOdYXcj28
|
afaxcq
|
{
"description": "not deleting my Ex's Nudes until she asked",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA: For Not Deleting my Ex's Nudes Until She Asked?
|
Recently me and my girlfriend broke up. Primary due to her infidelity. It's been 2 months since we broke up now and she's messaged me asking if I still have her nudes.
I told her that I still have them backed up on my PC but not on my phone. They were on my PC encrypted and password protected with an extremely secure password, along with all my other private files.
She then asked me to completely delete them, which I did straight away, no arguing or anything.
Once I told her I deleted them she blew up on me and called me a huge arsehole for not deleting them as soon as we broke up. Saying that she shouldn't have to have asked.
I understand that she might be uncomfortable with me still having them, which I think is reasonable. Thats why I deleted them straight away when she requested.
But I'd argue that if she sent them to me in the first place they're mine to keep for myself. Obviously sharing them is not acceptable.
AITA for not just deleting them straight away?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
0tow63C3N16M9vM29DQrokBPD8rsk0FV
|
ayrb00
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriend how to consume the groceries",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
AITA for telling my boyfriend how to consume the groceries?
|
I’ve been with my boyfriend for years and we’ve been living together for the better part of 3 years. We’re having a baby in two months so we’ve decided to cut back on eating out, which we did often. We eat almost all of our meals at home now. We’re both usually gone all day and make our own meals. The way my boyfriend uses up the groceries makes me angry. I find it rude and inconsiderate. He will eat an item and continue to eat the same item for however many days until it’s finished, leaving me with none. For instance, eat 2 eggs every morning for breakfast until all 12 are finished. Or have a bowl of ice cream every night until the entire thing is finished. I told him how inconsiderate this is and that maybe he should eat a variety of things so we can both have a wide range of food to chose from but he said I should *just eat it too*. I said I want to eat foods at my pace, not simply because I see him dwindling them down. The reason he does this is because he’s too lazy to look through the fridge and latches on to certain foods or meals when he learns they’re there. It’s annoying because he eats most of our frozen selection, and fails to eat the produce until he’s polished off everything easy to make. Produce goes bad fast and should be consumed first. He always likes my lunches—I take fruits and vegetables to work—but doesn’t want to prepare himself the same sort of lunches. I find it annoying that on days where I can’t be bothered to make myself a lunch, there are no fast frozen options because he’s eaten them all before I have the chance to have any. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 19,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 19
}
|
WRONG
|
8pjMjLRHfFeE5u8PzP5B3324tWxu9Rgh
|
aon4q7
|
{
"description": "drawing the line with my gf because she might be infertile",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for drawing the line with my GF because she might be infertile
|
A little context, I have been dating my girlfriend for 4 years now and we always discuss about when we’re gonna get married among other serious plans. We’re just waiting for a better point in our lives but we know it’s going to happen when we are more financially stable and ready. She’s always been there for me and vice versa and she is just plain wonderful. We both wanted a big family taking about having three to four kids when the time comes.
Her anatomical issue is resulting from the fact that my gf had Cancer when she was a child and went through multiple rounds of chemo. She has been in remission for over 10 years and while that is not a current threat she was told that she might have some issues with fertility later on in life. These are circumstances I have long been aware of and we have talked about it because I’ve always wanted my own kids and my own family one day. After a long discussion the conclusion we came down to was worst comes to worst we would use a surrogate as I wanted a child from my blood and she initially said she would love the kid to have my DNA. I was relieved and felt more secure that even if we couldn’t have kids together I could still have this option.
Flash forward to today’s conflict where she said she’s had a change of heart and would feel weird like she was raising someone else’s child. This was hurtful to hear because we had already discussed this and she knows where I’ve always stood on wanting my own family someday. We spent awhile arguing but couldn’t make a compromise either way. Finally a he asked me if this was a dealbreaker and I told her potentially it was. She said I was the asshole for not recognizing her feelings and seeing how hard this was for her. I feel like I understand it is difficult and she doesn’t understand that this is something I’ve always wanted. I’m trying to straighten it all out myself so I turn to you for judgement reddit, am I being selfish ...AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 11,
"INFO": 2
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
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