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rCO0AIMuVTegLIPxthaYhPIaB7aaGcVm
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9zfmm2
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{
"description": "not wanting to tip",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to tip?
|
First things first, I'm from Brazil and tips here work very differently. In a restaurant where you go in, sit down and are waited on, every table's bills come with a gratuity of at least 10% (some trendier restaurants take it up to 13%). You don't have to pay it, but it already comes with the bill and a vast majority of people do, only ever really declining in cases of EXTREMELY poor service. Any other type of restaurante (self-service, fast food) there is no tipping whatsoever.
​
So here's the situation: i just finished lunch at burger king in this mall I was at with friends. I had noticed earlier that there is a burger joint around that i don't particularly like, but that has an AMAZING milkshake. I decided to go there and order one for dessert.
​
The thing is, this is a fancy burger joint, where the prices are exorbitant, and they charge 13% gratuity. I went in, ordered with the host, payed for it and waited for the milkshake to be ready while i was standing up outside. When I noticed she had charged the 13% extra I thought about saying something but ultimatly just paid for it and never mentioned it.
​
I just feel i haven't really received any service. It was the same as a fast food experience where I just stood there and waited. Should have said something? Am I wrong to think I shouldn't have paid that tip? I know it's a very minor thing that no one was really the victim of, but AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
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|
RIGHT
|
11OBRNwUC29tYZgXVGI1CgLpjtD0xv2w
|
a3pt3x
|
{
"description": "essentially trying to make a person do their job without me doing it for them",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For essentially trying to make a person do their job without me doing it for them?
|
Hey everyone, I mostly need to vent, but please smite me with your judgement if you feel like it.
​
**Let's start with some background.**
I am a freelance game developer with multiple years of experience, and I work full-time on my own projects. I have a friend, who currently studies VR and UX design in uni, let's call him M. He has a girlfriend, who is a first-year gamedev student, let's call her L. L and M are also artists, kind of. We are all about the same age, around 20. I also want to emphasise that 'friend's GF' is not necessarily equal to 'my friend' in this case.
L has a task for this semester - to make a game trailer. She decided that she doesn't want to throw away (???) the idea and the art after she completes the task, and wants to make a game. Us three have agreed to team up and work together. Now, this is important: during the initial meetup, L said things like "this is **my** project" and "**I** have the rights for this idea". I explicitly said that since this is her project, she will be responsible for the workflow and design, and I will only code and build. This will be a good practice for her, and the game is very simple, so this shouldn't be a big problem. We all agreed on that.
I'm not going to go into the details, I'll just say that it's a simple mobile game. I also want to clarify that the basic workflow of making a game is as follows: take the idea you want to work on, make a game design document, make a prototype, refine, test, deploy (repeat 4 and 5 if necessary). It is generally considered a bad practice to freestyle things and work on later stages before the earlier stages. E.g. you make the music and high-quality models for the game, and then end up not using anything because the game gets reworked six times in prototyping.
So the next thing I talk about on this meeting is the GDD and the importance of making design choices in the beginning. I also mention multiple times that I, as a person who builds everything, need to know what needs to be done and how it should look/feel/work before I start working on the prototype. I ask her if she can compile everything into a single document as she did before, and advice her to use google and ask her teachers if she struggles with something.
This spring, L was making a project for her university entrance exam. The task was to basically design a game. This is important since she was capable of making a design document and other necessary things to show off and describe a game idea, therefore she knows what to do and how to do it. She periodically asked for help, and I helped where I could, without getting too involved, since this was her exam, not mine. Before that, I helped other people with their projects and ideas, all for free (there is a certain tendency here).
This time, I expected to be able to finally work as a part of the team. Not to do everything myself, not babysit everyone, just do my part and make a game. Oh boy. Was I ever as fucking wrong as this time. I mean, what can be easier than writing a few pages explaining the basic ideas? Core and meta, how to monetize, how should the menu look, what SFX and VFX we might need. The answer is, many things, but making a design document is not the most difficult part of making a game. Mind that is is also not final, you can and have to make changes to the GDD, but it's oh so difficult to work without it.
We "started" two months ago. L tried to make me write this thing a few times, and I kept sending her to google things and/or ask her teachers. She also kept feeding me with small, random, unstructured blobs of information, maybe hoping that I will compile them myself. I was close to doing this myself a few times but kept reminding myself that this time, I'm not the designer, she is the designer. Therefore, I was patiently waiting for her to write a three-page document. For two months. Last week I received two paragraphs with no useful info and replied that this isn't enough.
I might have skipped a few details, I hope that it's nothing important, if you need clarification - please comment.
​
**Now the real story finally begins.**
This part will be biased since I'm still rather angry. I'm honestly trying to be objective, but it's hard.
After our last dialogue, I was afk for a few days. I had stuff to do, personal stuff, and I honestly think I have a right to do my stuff whenever I want to. So, I return, power on the station, and get quite a shitpost from L *in our work chat,* that is supposed to be used for concept art, file sharing, and discussion. Anyways.
I come back, and send her one of my own old design documents *as an example*. Why should I even do this, literally google this, please, it takes 3 minutes, and you have a whole faculty full of gamedevs! L responds, saying that it's my fault that she couldn't use google for two months, because "if only I sent her the file a week ago she would've done everything earlier". And she just keeps on fucking going on about how "nobody is doing anything" and "you only do the code while I do everything else" and "it's such a shame that my amazing idea is getting lost because of you all", and the best one is "you are not helping me do my job". I get it, you're a student, but I'm not supposed to teach you how to make games. I agreed to work for free. I think this is kind of enough of an investment.
Regarding the code and stuff, it's a valid point, kind of. But we agreed on this initially, didn't we? Like, not taking into the account that code+build is 50% of the job, so it's a bit impolite to say this anyway.
And here comes the fun part. She says, "this is OUR game, it will only be MY game when I finish studying". I'm honestly kind of taken aback by this. So, like, it's your game while it's easy, and then suddenly it's our game? What is this, some sort of conditional communism? Flip the switch and you're the boss, flip again and it's our job? So I'm confused and I ask her to calm down and tell her that if this load is too difficult for her, it might be a bad idea to continue studying/working in this field since it's only downhill from here (speaking from personal experience).
Now, my opinion is that this is bullcrap. You can't call yourself the boss and then just shrug it off as soon as you have to do something. You also can't really say that you don't want to be the boss but keep talking shit. So I breathe in, breathe out, and logically explain to her that this is just workflow. You can't expect to get things done if you don't do them properly, and I have told her on multiple occasions what is the correct approach to this task. That I understand that this is difficult, that she also has to study, and maybe it wasn't the best idea to make a game at this point in time. If writing a small document is so difficult, maybe it's just not your thing, right? Fucken, wrong.
And the shitstorm begins. If previously, the shit was just dripping from the ceiling fan, now the pipes of shit have burst full and wide, and the pressure is beyond imaginable. It's like Nurgle himself has arrived in our chat. "You are lazy. You are a cunt. You don't do your job. You are not helping me. Oh, I'm just a beginner, and *this* is your motivational speech for me. Oh, I was hoping that you would do everything for me. You are acting so smug and grown up, why don't you guide me." You get the point.
Should I spend my own time teaching and guiding a (basically) random person, because I know how to? Should I do L's job for her? Should I maybe do everything for her? Should I wipe her ass every time she takes a shit? Greatest minds of millennia still don't have answers to these questions. Keep in mind, M isn't really saying anything in this situation, and I understand that he is kind of between a rock and a hard place, and I don't blame him. I also want to point out that I haven't dropped the project yet, and I'm still waiting for the bloody design document.
I personally feel like I should rush and help, as I always do, "Take the wheel, Kuro!" But I am so fucking tired. I help my friends and family because they are friends and family. I help my other half because she is my light and shadow. But I'm not there like a robot to complete requests from random people on a daily basis. I used to be stuck in this trap for a long time, doing things other people didn't want to do themselves, just because I can. Now I find it toxic, and I think it impairs personal growth and development in others. Am I the asshole?
I might have missed things, but the general story is here. The post turned out to be twice as long as I expected it to be. I also might be completely wrong in my opinion that you're not supposed to talk shit to your coworkers, especially if they are working for free. I raise my glass to all of you who have finished reading.
​
**tl;dr** A person decided to jump over their head, I refused to do their work, got shit-talked and advised them to change the field of study, while it's not too late.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
slPZler8ObIJUe48jTaDbSXZYag85jJz
|
9xvkfa
|
{
"description": "telling a girl to use the woman's restroom at a busy concert",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling a girl to use the woman's restroom at a busy concert?
|
So I was waiting for the cubicle at an absolutely packed show and a girl comes in asking to use the cubicle, and I loudly stated that she should use the women's restroom as there was already a big line for the cubicle in the guys bathroom. Keep in mind I have an extremely shy bladder and I already have a lot of trouble doing a pee in a busy bathroom even in the cubicle. I said if a guy tried the same with a girls bathroom he would be in deep shit. I couldn't go at all after this confrontation and a lot of the guys gave me a dirty look when I said this. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
AaD1FagwqLGxVhaMn23fXqdIiaPzBIuS
|
ardcea
|
{
"description": "not offering to pay for someone because of their views on men/women",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not offering to pay for someone because of their views on men/women?
|
Throwaway because yeah. Had to resubmit with correct title format.
​
There are a few questions of whether or not I'm the asshole in this story, but I'm relatively assured I was mostly in the right regarding most the questions. The last question is the one I'm having trouble validating. Here you go.
​
Last night I was out with a group of friends. I'm a guy and the group of friends included guys and girls. Among the group were two girls who haven't gotten along particularly well recently due primarily to political differences. They used to be good friends with each other and the group which is why they were both still invited. We'll call one Equality Emily and the other Conservative Cathy. As we proceed to drink and bar hop, the conversation turns to politics a couple times. People are able to reroute the convo for most of the night. Eventually, we got more intoxicated and tired of the bullshit so we all stopped trying to intervene. We're walking down the sidewalk about ready to wrap up the night when Cathy and Emily have basically gone full bore into the political convo. The tone seems edgy, but still in control.
It escalated pretty suddenly and they were fighting each other on the sidewalk. Hair pulling, name calling, a few punches thrown. Me and one of my friends go to break it up and it settles. My friend walks away because it's seemingly over. Emily then lunges towards Cathy again and I'm right there in the middle of the two. Emily is trying to swing and grab at Cathy while Cathy sits on the other side of me taunting Emily. I push Emily back and she keeps charging Cathy, continually running into me in the process. This happens multiple times. Emily is not hurting me, but it's getting annoying that she's repeatedly slapping at me while trying to get to Cathy. After several rounds of me pushing Emily back from Cathy and her again charging I shoved a little harder with the hope she'd finally quit. In the process she stumbles backward, trips over a curb and falls on her butt. In the process she put her hand down to brace herself and hurt her wrist. This isn't the part where I question myself, because I feel I was still not the asshole here, but feel free to discuss this as well.
I later found out that Emily had fractured her wrist on the fall. This didn't necessarily make me feel any worse about it because she's gainfully employed and, based on her previous comments, has a great health insurance plan. I also don't feel about this, but feel free to discuss this as well. The part where I question if I am the asshole is that I would have offered to pay for any out of pocket expenses if Emily wasn't so preachy about how men aren't any better than women. Even if her views were less "men suck and are worse than women" I would have offered. I've had convos with her during which she told me I was stupid because I commented that men are inherently physically stronger than women. I also noted in that same convo that women inherently have better processing capabilities than men, so it wasn't like I was just bashing on women. Regardless, she called me stupid and said that men aren't any better than men and, further, that men discriminate against women because they know this. It was for this reason I chose not to offer to pay for any out of pocket expenses she might face because if she believes this then she can pay for her own crap. AITA for treating her differently because of her comments to me and her general beliefs?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
WzlOmmQMicevhd7dKO48egLcUvWq4APn
|
ai6y9h
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend not to bring anything while meeting my family",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend not to bring anything while meeting my family?
|
My girlfriend tries to cook, she can't. She looks up recipes on websites, pinterest, and various different cooking outlets. I'm not really a picky eater, and there are some dishes by her that have been straight up awful or there's no way I'm eating this for dinner.
She takes the criticism sometimes bad, but has said she wanted to keep trying. My family wants to meet her and they're hosting a family dinner.
Leading her to want to make something... for whatever reason. First I was saying no you're the guest you don't have to bring anything. Now she's determined that she's going to bring something.
The women in my family are all pretty decent or at least better than her. I told her if she brings her dish and no one eats it then she will feel bad. I told her straight up not to make anything because her cooking sucks.
Now she's upset, she actually was tearful. She's been in our room for most of the day, only giving me side eyes...
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
U3SBz6omBO83gkR3iT8VH1Hi4y1Vv0h5
|
9ud2gy
|
{
"description": "wanting her to stop talking to a guy that has feelings for her",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting her to stop talking to a guy that has feelings for her?
|
My girlfriend has this friend who’s a guy and I don’t remember how it came up but a few months ago I found out he has feelings for her. They text and talk on the phone but its strictly platonic she say’s.
So, me and my girlfriend are pretty secure and sometimes we’ll send pics of random people and be like, “isn’t this girl/guy attractive”. A few months ago before I knew about this guy and his feelings for her, she sent me a pic of a guy and said he was attractive. I thought the dude was like a random celebrity. No it turned out to be the guy. At the time I said “yea hes attractive.” brushed it off. A while later after digging deeper i put two and two together and yea same guy. So that’s where the insecurity came from.
They still talk and i see that they still follow eachothers on social media. It really eats away at me and leaves me anxious. I wanna talk to her about it but I don’t know how to bring it up without sounding insecure. She’s an understanding person but idk.
Thing is she knows it bothers me. I’ve accidentally slipped up about it during talks or arguments. But she won’t cut him off and I feel disrespected. I don’t want to tell her to cause that seems controlling and.
I forgot to mention she knows he has feelings, he has straight up admit it and he knows that i’m her bf and that bothers him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
VGfWytAywSEoqkRHrOiN8TpEQX9VEc0t
|
b3xqh8
|
{
"description": "telling my supervisor what a colleague said about her behind her back",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I told my supervisor what a colleague said about her behind her back?
|
So, I work in a field where many people from the same field know each other. There’s this new guy, let’s call him Tim, who’s been transferred to our team a few months ago. He’s been in the field for a few years, and has worked in other teams and departments.
My supervisor, let’s call her Amy, is a very nice single lady in her mid 30s. She’s been working here for years, and we all have pretty good relationship with her.
So, a while ago, Tim, a few other colleagues and I (Amy’s not there) were in the pantry having lunch as usual. Tim somehow decided to gossip about Amy’s past relationship. He claimed to know one of her exes from past jobs, and he told us details of their relationship and how they bought a flat together but Amy still broke up with him in the end, and how the ex is married with kids now blablabla.
I was so disturbed by it. I didn’t know about this part of Amy’s past - and tbh I don’t think I should. But, god! He’s new here and he’s gossiping about her past as if it was some fun juicy story? Like, if they actually did buy a flat together and broke up eventually, it definitely sucked real bad. Plus, it’s 10+ years ago! Why would you want to talk about that to us behind her back like that?
I was pretty angry about what happened. Amy’s the kind of person who has a kind heart and is nice to everyone. She’d willingly do extra work just to make other’s lives better. She’s helped me through pretty tough times personally.
I’ve been struggling if I should tell her - it’d probably make her upset, and does it help with anything? Idk. But given now we know this new guy is this kind of person, I think my supervisor should know and be careful around him.
WIBTA if I said something?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
CAWwS0XPbFuBuEx6hrtxcSr8t23ba0Z5
|
az6iae
|
{
"description": "not asking if I should go to my boyfriend's mother's funeral",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not asking if I should go to my boyfriend's mother's funeral?
|
Long story short my boyfriend's mother just died of cancer. He took a one way flight home last night(it's a 10 hour drive away) because he was told to come home to say goodbye. Unfortunately when he got there he literally found her not breathing when he went to go greet her.
I stayed here for a number of reasons. He has two cats so I'm taking care of them, we just spent two weeks there at the beginning of last month because she was taken out of hospice. He didn't ask me to come with him because he didn't know how long it would be because of that last time, like he only got a one way ticket. He needed to leave immediately and didn't have time to prepare anything anyway, but I'm also afraid of flying so that's probably why I didn't go either. I'm looking for work here right now too so I would have to be here for any interviews. It's a shitty situation because I want to be there for him and have told him I'm here for whatever he needs.
This is all really traumatic for him and I can't imagine what he's going through right now. I feel super awkward talking to him because I don't know how to help and I wish I was just there for him. I haven't formally asked him because "Should I go to your mother's funeral?" is such an awkward question to ask someone and I don't wanna put that on him. I have outright told him "I'm here for you and whatever you need or want." and all that. His family only recently found out he was gay and I know his extended family is somewhat conservative. I wouldn't wanna make a scene at such an important event if it's inappropriate for me to be there. I've never met them because they are from a different country, but I've met his mother and know his immediate family and siblings. I know I have to take care of his cats but I also know his friends have taken care of them before. However I don't know any of them closely enough to talk to them, like I don't have most of their numbers even though I've hung out with them in groups. We also *just* had someone stay over during our few week trip away to watch the cats so I don't know if those resources are exhausted because it's also exam season for them (grad students) and I'm not in school so I'd be the best to take care of them.
It's a shitty situation and I don't know if I'm just an ass for not directly asking if I should go or not or if it's like "oh duh he's your boyfriend go obviously" or if these circumstances make sense. If he asked me to come or to go then I would drive in an instant but I don't know if it's an asshole thing of me to want him to tell me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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RIGHT
|
OAiw7Rj65rUSUcuf27pg8vmHcJ8OHEXW
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ah4d6l
| null |
AITA My friend refuses to play a game with me that i bought for him...
|
So it all began when i met this guy around early 2017 he was pretty nice and we played a lot of PS4 together. about September 2017 we start fighting about something and we lost contact for a while. pretty much a year later he messages me on a new account asking if we can talk, i say yes and we agreed to stop fighting and i guess we are good friends until November when he asks me if i could buy a game for him that i had. it was about 25AUD so i said sure because its good to play with other people. so a week later i asked him if he wanted to play since he was on it and he already played about 10 hours on it, he said later. i didn't want to be pushy so i asked tomorrow and he said no again and he had the guts to ask me to buy him DLC for like ten more dollars then he would play. i couldn't be bothered so i told him to fuck off and hes a rich spoilt kid, that he is and then he reports me for harassment and blocks me. please ask any questions if i didn't give enough information. also this is my first post if its bad sorry/
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
yPa2lpg9UQqTgkQidcGVV7gM49V5IkfC
|
al4o50
|
{
"description": "being upset with husband for telling me he has it worse when I'm upset",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset with husband for telling me he has it worse when I'm upset?
|
Trying to keep this consise. Doesn't really matter about the circumstances, but we're a bit skint and it's my birthday soon. I was a bit upset that we probably wouldn't be able to afford dinner out for the family or some such, and was venting to him (TO him, not at him and I made that clear several times)
He turned around to me and said "if it's any consolation we didn't do anything for my birthday either - I was burying my grandfather". When I got more upset by that he told me it wasn't all about me all the time.
I just wanted some sympathy. A yeah that sucks love, but we can have fun anyways kinda thing. Now he's cross at me and I'm confused. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
NQV45mfS3kfVQ0iI2J2TNeyWKzHpbg8F
|
b3lra8
|
{
"description": "not wanting to play a club sport anymore due to the fact I didn't get picked to goto nationals in another state",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to play a club sport anymore due to the fact I didn’t get picked to goto nationals in another state
|
Joined a club sport for my university and the whole season was a build up to see if we make it to nationals in another state. The captain told us she only has enough money from the university to take 14 people which sucks since there is about 19 of us. I thought I did pretty well since I put my heart and soul into every practice while some of the students who were picked to go were skipping practices without reasonable excuses. also even took alcohol to some of the tournaments we had to compete in. Which is clearly against universities polices.
The asshole part is that there may not be enough people to scrimmage against one another or at-least substitute. Since most people have stuff going on they usually let the coach know they won’t be there or just don’t show up.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
xGZ4LNrFPf5NEgIRDyevDqCxDOJ2nVNK
|
b68mcf
|
{
"description": "expecting my roommate to do her own dishes",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for expecting my roommate to do her own dishes?
|
Okay so my roommate (f21) and I(f19) share a 2 bed 2 bath apartment about half a mile south of the local university. We have separate bedrooms and bathrooms but share the kitchen and living room as would be expected. I moved in almost a year ago when her previous roommate moved out to live with her boyfriend and over the last year my roommate has been around less and less. In January my roommate left a pot, bowl, strainer, and some utensils in one side of our double sink ( the pot is technically mine, we share cooking utensils. This will be important later) Over the past couple months occasionally she adds a cup to the pile of her dirty dishes but never cleans them. She spends most of her time at her boyfriends house which is just down the street and I can't remember the last time she slept in her own bed ( her parents pay all her bills as she is a student.) Last week it started warming up where we live and the dishes started to stink and I started to get worried about flies so I left her a note by the sink asking her to do them before flies infest the apartment ( she usually comes in when I am at work or school.) Last night she came in and then responded to the note with a text saying that she was never able to do them because my clean dishes were always in the dishwasher ( I do dishes every night) and that she had thought I would help her out because she's "done my dishes and unloaded my dishes in the past" now for a while I would put her dishes in the dishwasher with mine when it was a cup or so here and there but it became more and more every time and she wasn't doing her dishes at all and she left these ones with dried cheese in them so I had just had it. I responded to her saying that there being clean dishes in the dishwasher was no excuse for not doing her dishes and that even if she hadn't wanted to unload the dishwasher she could have don't them by hand and left them in the drying rack so there really was no reason for disrespecting our shared living space, after that she told me I was disrespecting the shared space by leaving oil in 'her' pan, which I had because with had used it for dinner and planned to clean it when the oils wasn't hot. After that I just stopped replying because I didn't want to make it into a fight but I work full time plus go to school full time I can't clean up after her. She constantly leaves her stuff all over the place and never contributes to the cleanliness of the apartment.
So AITA?
TLDR: roommate left dishes in the sink for 3 months I left a note for her asking her to clean them and she gave some bullshit excuses then tried blaming me.
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agme3z
| null |
AITA for my dislike of smoking?
|
Every time someone near me likes a smoke, I tend to make excessive nonverbal cues of my judgements on second hand smoke, such as grunting, face scrunching, or walking away ASAP. When I'm in a conversation with them, I can keep it a bit more under control (no gagging or asking them to stop, because smoking is their choice and I will resoect that), but still might cover my face. Not sure if these reactions are completely intentional or part of my obsessions/compulsions, but AITA?
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aznrmf
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"description": "ending it with my fiancé because he's terrible with money",
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WIBTA if I ended it with my fiancé because he’s terrible with money?
|
Hi guys! So me (23f) and my fiancé (33m) have been together for two years. He’s honestly amazing and I’d do anything for him, hence what I did a couple months ago:
So he’s terrible with his money. He had a lot of debt and had no idea how to manage his finances. So he let me take over and become his accountant.
I have a bank account I set up in both of our names that all his bills gets paid from. This includes our rent and utilities (that we split) and his bills like his car, car insurance, and what not.
He had a lot of credit card debt, but because his credit score was so terrible, he couldn’t get approved for a no interest balance transfer. So I put it in my name. (I KNOW I KNOW but hey I’m gonna marry him so does it matter anyway??)
So whatever money is left from his paycheck after all the bills gets direct deposited into his own bank account. This ranges from 100-200 depending on how many hours he worked that week.
So here’s my problem.. he smokes weed a lot. No big deal, it’s legal here and I don’t mind. Except it’s his number one priority when it comes to his money. He overdrafted his account last week to buy some and due to the overdraft fees and not the greatest paycheck this week, he didn’t have much this week and overdrafted again. (It’s only Sunday and he has to make it until Thursday)
Now the reason I’m really upset is because I added him to my AMEX and told him he can use it whenever he’s in a bind. He uses it all the time. And it adds up, so now I got myself in some debt. He also kept his own personal credit card during this time for emergencies and racked up a balance on that, which he can’t pay for because he keeps overreacting his account to buy weed.
So all my hard work in getting his credit score up is for nothing because of all his missed payments on the other credit card.
I’m just defeated and as much as I love him, I don’t know how I can go further with someone like this.
Please help.
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{
"description": "not playing the games my friend wants to play",
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Aita for not playing the games my friend wants to play ?
|
So first off, im. A huge Xbox nerd and most of my free time is spent on it. And i have of course a friend group on Xbox which includes, lets give him a fake name, FN: Fortnite nerd.
Now FN as you would expect, plays a ton if fortnite and gloats about his wins and about how his family has “money” (for context his family just bought a hot tub and he acts like a spoiled brat when his mom doesnt let him get anything on it). He also plays siege. Now me and my friends love to play payday 2, siege, and Battlefield 5. He has payday and plays with us when he’s in a good mood yet always complains about how long it takes to play through a mission and how it gives practically no money and then leaves. Now whenever he isnt playing fortnite, and our party is open, he joins and says “anyone wanna play siege ?” Right in the middle of our heist and when we say no, he gets mad and leave, when were in a match and trying to do a heist like cook off he asks for an inv, i say no, he says “fuck you too”. Now, i know that we play what he wants to play alot, infact most of the time he invites my friends instead of me and when he does invite me I play what he wants to play. But i still feel like i dont play what he wants to play enough
So i ask again. Aita ?
Also send me a message if my grammer is incorrect
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AITA for staying friends with someone who hurt a good friend?
|
I am a teenage girl, and as it usually ends up going for teenage girls, there happens to be some drama between two friends of mine. Sorry if this is boring to read and very cliche, and I hate typing this out because of how stupidly high school it is, but I genuinely would like some advice! :-(
For the sake of privacy, friend 1 will be named Abby and friend 2 will be named Katherine. The short story is that Abby started spreading this dumbass rumour that Katherine cheated on her boyfriend (at the time) with a good guy friend of Katherine's (who also had a former girlfriend at the time). I suppose its worth noting that Abby and Katherine were real close before this. I obviously know that this is all some bullshit, and they had a big falling out, and although I am not close with Abby anymore I still talk to her sometimes and am friendly.
I am very good friends with Katherine and I can kind of tell that it hurts her when I talk to Abby? So I don't try to talk to her very much but it's also hard for me to just throw out a friendship like that. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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al5utn
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{
"description": "being rude to a guy trying to talk to me on the street",
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AITA for being rude to a guy trying to talk to me on the street?
|
I want to preface this with some context - I'm an early 20s guy living in an American city where it's not uncommon to be approached on the street, usually by people that either want to sell you something or ask you for money or just generally do something weird. It's not a constant occurrence, but it's not out of the ordinary.
So, I'm sitting on a bench waiting for my bus to arrive. I'm having a phone conversation with a family member when this guy dressed kind of oddly walks up to me holding a selfie stick and talking into it (clearly filming himself). He walks up to me and asks me how I'm doing, angling the camera to film us both. I realized later on in this interaction that he was livestreaming, not that that particular detail necessarily matters.
Anyway, at this point I tell him (admittedly sounding a bit annoyed) that I'm on the phone and can't talk right now. This part of the interaction genuinely wasn't his fault - I'm talking using a Bluetooth earpiece, so it's entirely understandable not to notice that I'm on a call.
At this point, the guy extends his hand and says "I just want a handshake, man" along with a few other things that I couldn't make out since I was mostly focused on my conversation. At this point I just ignored the guy since I was trying to listen to the person I was on the phone with telling me a story.
This is where the interaction gets a little weird - he keeps his hand extended and just repeats himself, louder, a few times telling me that he wants to shake my hand. I'm a little weirded out by the fact that he's filming me this whole time and I finally just snap and, without raising my voice, tell him "I have no interest in whatever the fuck this is."
The guy looks surprised, mutters something to the effect of "Well fuck you too, then," and walks off.
In retrospect, I realize that this was mostly a misunderstanding and if I'd processed the situation better at the time I probably would've just shaken his hand and hopefully that would've been the end of the interaction. My gut reaction to how he approached me and the fact that he was filming me was that he was just some weirdo approaching me to ramble about politics or get me to debate him™ or something.
Anyway, I think my response to him alone makes this *at best* an ESH situation and at worst, well, I'm the asshole. I've been thinking about this all day and I'd appreciate some input.
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| null |
AITA - Boyfriend wants to visit the gym with a pretty female. Am I bad for refusing this?
|
Since a short while my boyfriend has this new gym buddy(?). She is a young attractive single female. From looks she is definitely my boyfriends type. I don't know the lady.
He wants to hit the gym with her 2 hours a week. Should I be okay with this?
Is this normal? I cannot join a gym since I have severe muscle issues. So it is him and her together 2 hrs a week.
My boyfriend does not lack gym buddies. He has male gym buddies but they are in a different gym organisation. He goes to another one with her because that is where she signed herself up for. And theres this system that he can join with her subscription once a week.
Am I an Asshole for asking him to stop?
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HISTORICAL
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bQcYsTDS0p9lRkn0elLMmC9Js2lQ7W5F
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ay4la8
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{
"description": "being upset at my boyfriend for letting his mother be a control freak",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset at my boyfriend for letting his mother be a control freak?
|
so, i (f19) have been dating ‘marcus’ (m21) for some time now.
things have been going pretty well, we get along extremely well, but there’s this huge stressor: his mom.
marcus and i make plans, right? usually after i finish class or after he’s done at work. but his mother always ruins these plans.
for example: valentines day.
we had planned to get dinner after i finished my lecture at 7:30pm. i get a text at 6:30 and my boyfriends in fumes about his mother spam calling him, asking him to pick up his younger brothers from their practice AND to go grocery shopping with her. she guilt trips him and calls him ungrateful because he’s living in an apartment that she owns (typically, rents out) for free. she usually says things like “i let you live here and you cant even do this for your own mother?”. i, being agitated that this is about the 20th+ time she has asked him to run errands with her or help her, got upset and told him to put his foot down.
she gets offended when he says no because he has plans (she knows we are dating... planned to meet me, but flaked on us, so i havent met her yet). THEN SHE gets his dad to call him and beg him.
they guilt trip him into doing things.
they show up to his apartment unannounced and sit down and make themselves at home.
she even took marcus’ car because she got hers totaled, and refuses to give it back. even tho marcus bought it with his own money. she promised to buy him a car, its been 8+ months now.
so, am i the asshole for being upset that my boyfriend can’t come to terms with his mom? theres been times we dont see each other for weeks (we live an hour drive away from each other, in a big city) because hes busy with work and gets called in often, goes to college, and his mom begs him to do chores that his two younger high schooler brothers are capable of doing. i know for a fact he can find at least some time to meet me half way somewhere and grab food. i also know i deserve time with him but his mom prevents that from happening. what am i supposed to do?
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b775ty
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{
"description": "subletting my rent controlled apartment to a new roommate instead of an ex who moved out 2+ years ago",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for subletting my rent controlled apartment to a new roommate instead of an ex who moved out 2+ years ago?
|
I've known my ex for 13 years, we dated for 8, lived together 7. He still comes by maybe 3 times a week. When I ended our relationship I gave him the option to keep our apartment and I'd move out, but he couldn't afford it. I was the one covering 60% - 100% of the bills each month. So instead, I took over the apartment, and he eventually moved back with his family. We live in a city where the average 1 bdrm apartment is now over 2k a month, but because of rent control I currently pay half of that.
​
About 4 months ago I made a goal to move to another continent. I tried talking to my ex about taking over the apartment when I go, but it was always a bad time and he never came with a good time to discuss. He had mentioned that he tried to bring it up to his new gf about moving in with him but she wasn't super interested.
​
2 months ago, a close friend of mine found out he was being evicted from his apartment and needed a place to live. I thought about having him move in with me to help me save up to move, so once again, I tried to bring up the situation to my ex. He didn't have an answer or any objections. Being as my answer was time sensitive, I had to make a decision, so I made an arrangement that my friend would move in at the start of May and pay half the bills until I eventually made my big move. Once I move, I'd have one year to decide if I needed to come back home. In that case, I'd get to move back into my apartment, and my friend would start looking for a new place.
​
Now that we're 1 month out from my friend moving in, my ex has finally found the "right time" to make it known how upset he is about this whole situation. So I offered him the same 12 month deal as my friend. He's mad that I'm only willing to give him the place with that condition. He's argued that hes entitled to our grandfathered rent and it's totally unfair of me to not just give him the place under no conditions. Hes been texting things like "I don't understand how you feel I'm trying to take advantage of you when I have nothing left.", "I feel so sad I'm standing on the street in front of work crying, but that's not your problem.", "I just can't make you understand how I feel", "I just want a little life for me, and not for free. I'll take it over fair and square." I'm assuming that last message was meaning that he'd actually pay the rent this time and not leave me on the hook for it (like our past). Now hes just saying he gives up and he'll collect the last of his things and disappear from my life for good.
​
Knowing hes hurting because of me is killing me. I'm ready to just give him what he wants and tell my friend he has to move out when I do. But, if I do that, not only am I going back on a deal I've already made, I'm basically sacrificing my safety net so I can give it to him.
​
Am I the asshole if I don't give him the apartment condition free?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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aaea76
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{
"description": "ditching my friends last minute and lying to one of them",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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}
|
AITA for ditching my friends last minute and lying to one of them?
|
I was supposed to go to this cafe in the next state over with them, but I stayed up until 6 am. I have insomnia and I’ve been struggling with anxiety and depression, and I was having a lot of issues sleeping that night. I woke up at 1 pm and we were supposed to leave around 3.
I told them that I was gonna go, I just needed to get ready, but after I text them I just started feeling really sad. I wasn’t really able to pinpoint what the cause was, but I felt empty on the inside. I started crying, and I couldn’t stop. And I’m talking ugly crying. I felt awful, and I was trying so hard to compose myself, but I couldn’t calm down.
I text my friend and told him I wasn’t going because I was still feeling sick from a cold I had, and I would pay back our friend for my ticket, but he kept trying to find ways around it to make me go.
I had told the other friend I wasn’t going cause I was overwhelmed and needed a day to myself and she just said “Okay, I hope you can work things out” and that was it.
I didn’t really want to tell this friend that I was struggling with depression. He’s got so much on his plate as it is, and he sees himself as the parental figure of our friend group, I didn’t want to burden him with that. Plus my cause of depression isn’t as bad as his, I don’t want him to see me as whiny, but I know he’d be upset about me lying to him about why I wasn’t going.
I finally told him that I just needed to be alone for one day. I felt like an asshole for saying that to him, but he backed off after that. I feel like he should’ve known it was serious cause this specific cafe had like 15 cats there and I’m a huge cat lady. I wouldn’t have missed hanging out with my favorite people and a gaggle of cats for anything, especially after making a non refundable $10 reservation on a fast food salary, I’m basically paying to have alone time at this point. I just needed to be alone. Now I feel like he’s mad at me, I think he’s annoyed cause we have plans today, and I’m not skipping those ones.
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HISTORICAL
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1kEm1MvLQqDgpU4pQaG8XyRe6OvP3jq1
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aukwz1
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{
"description": "being mad at my greedy friend",
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|
AITA for being mad at my greedy friend
|
So I struggle to walk on Monday’s due to an injury that gets worse over the weekend due to a work injury. I can’t usually wait in line for breakfast though it is free but you can only get one. So I wait for the line to die down to get some cause of my ankle but when I get there ther is no sausage biscuits so I have to get cereal which I shouldn’t be eating . My associate steals like 7 more on top of his free one. So when I get to the table and see 6 empty biscuit wrappers I’m triggered. I jokingly say welp I found the rest and ask for one. He then says my dawg i only got two left I say well you had 7 already. I even offer him my cereal and he refuses. So I get mad and call him a greedy ass and flip him off I didn’t even want the cereal and gave it to someone. So AMITA
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HISTORICAL
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aslgzt
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{
"description": "pointing out how dysfunctional my family is during a visit",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for pointing out how dysfunctional my family is during a visit?
|
My mom has always gotten under my skin and easily annoys me. She interrupts meaningful conversation with inane questions (like about food or gossip). She talks really loud too, and sort of parrots people when she's amused. She'll also talk at you about inane and painfully basic stuff, and you have to tell her eventually to stop talking, and that still often doesn't shut her up. She literally can't seem to tell when she's annoying, and I worry a lot about my brother and dad, who have to shoulder most of her annoyances. I worry about their stress levels as they both work long hours (my mom doesn't work) and my dad (not blood related) is getting up there in age. My dad's father committed suicide, and I worry about my dad taking his own life, but he's never hinted on it.. He just looks so tired and ragged, and my mom is the opposite of a relaxing person to be around.
I have lots of unresolved issues from the past with my mom. Most of those issues involve her not being loving, being inappropriate, and being cruel to pets and other animals (getting amusement from putting clothes pins on the tips of cats' tails, and putting socks on animals head for instance). She also would get rid of pets impulsivity. She would get amusement when my brother and I were visibly annoyed or disgusted. She also would walk around naked, or be splayed out on the bed nude and laugh after calling us in and seeing us upset.
Anyway, back to my visit. I tried to go through the superficial niceties and enjoy my time there for my benefit and theirs. But my mom, being who she was, would still impulsively talk, and at one point interrupted the conversation I was having with my grandmom (who I hadn't seen in six months). I snapped something. My Grandmom said that she didn't know what I changed (medicine wise) but that I should stop it. I take 100 milligrams of Zoloft. My grandma a little later asked if what she said hurt my feelings, and I scream/cried to her that of course it did. I said that I was tired of not being able to talk about our family's dysfunction, and how mom needed help, and that it's frustrating that nobody believed in mental health care in our family. I told them both that I wanted all of us (my dad, mom, brother and I) to go to family therapy.
Long story short, we made up but I didn't hear anything else about therapy. My family basically said "hey nobody's perfect" and that I'm on a different "level" than my mother. We all hugged, said we loved one another, and I flew back home. Fast forward to a month later and it's my birthday. Everyone who normally calls me does, my mom included, except my Grandmom.
Tl;dr: Visited my family for the first time, was annoyed at my mom who doesn't have regard for other people's feelings, blew up in front of my mom and grandmom, and now my grandmom ignores me on my birthday. I'm older so it's not a huge deal, but I'm thinking she still harbors resentment towards me? AITA for pointing out that our family is dysfunctional?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "not having compassion for the homeless even though I just got out of homelessness 4 months ago",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for not having compassion for the homeless even though I just got out of homelessness 4 months ago?
|
I'm coming up on 18 months clean from meth and I spent the first year of my sobriety in a homeless shelter.
Last weekend, I had to go back to get my mail and when I walked into the building, I was disgusted. Even though I recognized a lot of the men, some of them I even considered friends, all I could see was the worst of society. Dirty, mentally ill, drug addicts and the smell! I felt bad for them on some level, but I will never go into that building again.
Should my heart ache for those that are suffering? Because it didn't. All I could think is that if I could get out of that place, so can they.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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fGqiAdKMMgkwM3hsAWbT3ikH2y74HzeO
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at9thw
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{
"description": "cutting ties with a ex gf who keeps telling me about and sending me pics of and with new bf",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
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|
AITA for cutting ties with a ex gf who keeps telling me about and sending me pics of and with new bf
|
So when her and I were together, she didn't want any pictures of us on SC, FB, and Insta. Found out later the reason was because she didn't want her ex to find out we were dating. In her words, she didn't want to "hurt him." So anyway, my gf moved out of my place, then ended it thru a voicemail. After a couple months something major happened that made me worried something may have happened to her. So I texted her and asked if she was ok. She responded and we text back for a little while. Everything was hunky dory. Then I get follow and friend request from her. So I allow her to follow me and add me to things. But all of the sudden she starts sending me pictures and videos of her and her new bf out snowboard, at shows, or doing random shit with captions that say "when you and babe do this..." or "when babe does that..." After the last one I got of them, I ended up completely deleting social media cause it was just a kick in the balls. But a couple of our mutial friends and some of my co-workers are saying I'm a asshole for blocking her and not moving on. Am I?
|
HISTORICAL
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
otktr9cGdBnq25KvtIfnIjrMiy3fhFKK
|
b5jucw
|
{
"description": "telling my spouse that I don't want people over at our house",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my spouse that I don't want people over at our house?
|
Pretty much how it sounds. I am a full time student in med school with my board exams coming up in less than two months. I spend most of my time studying for school these days. I told my spouse that I didn't want guests coming over until after I take my exam in May. I do most of the cleaning/housework, so when company comes over, the brunt of preparing for that falls to me and adds to my stress. Should probably mention I'm 5 months pregnant, another good reason to keep my stress as low as possible. We also live in a smaller apartment, so when people come over, we are all on top of each other.
​
My spouse's friends are coming in town for the evening and we were all supposed to get dinner and then their friend was supposed to stay with family. Last minute, something comes up for that family member and my husband says they're coming over to our apartment after dinner, to hang out until they leave for their early morning flight. They're technically not spending the whole night and I wouldn't have to entertain them, but now this means I can't unwind before bed like I normally do. There is no wandering around pantsless, singing in the shower, etc. I know that they are going to spend the majority of the evening playing video games until they leave for the airport. I have to get up and go to school tomorrow for a full day of class and other obligations and I don't really want to come out and tell them to be quiet a bunch so that I can sleep. I ended up telling my spouse that if they are going to come over after dinner, I'm going to stay at a hotel so I can still get sleep. Spouse responds snarkily saying to not worry because no one will be coming anywhere near our apartment, making feel like a giant douchebag.
​
Am I the asshole for not wanting spouse's friends to stay for a better portion of the evening?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
SqdV32ps7b8hVKIuqgqNDLPYkNqKFy7w
|
azrqkx
|
{
"description": "telling my 7 year old sister to \"fuck off\" in front of my entire family",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 39
}
|
AITA for telling my 7 year old sister to “fuck off” in front of my entire family?
|
Great start to my Spring Break. I’m 21 years old and go to school far away from my hometown so I only come back home during extended breaks.
At college I curse like a sailor and admittedly may have a slight problem with it but I’m usually on top of only using it in the right situations.
So I got back on Saturday and immediately my sister starts annoying me with the normal harmless kid stuff, just bombarding me with questions, again nothing that really bugs me but just kind of getting annoyed at answering all these pointless questions.
She started doing Karate while I was gone and then really started to bug me by kicking, punching and chopping me. Again nothing to terrible because shes only 7 but after she doesn’t stop after I tell her to I start to get really annoyed and just go to my room for the night.
Yesterday we were at a family BBQ and everything’s going fine until she finds a Nerf gun in my Grandpas basement and starts shooting me with it (all of us grandchildren in the family usually hang out down there and talk and even though I’m the oldest I still hangout with them out of habit more than anything, since I’ve been doing it for years). At this point I’m starting to lose my shit and repeatedly tell her to stop before just going outside and helping with the BBQ with all the adults outside.
Everything’s going well again and I’m cooled off but then she sneaks up from behind me and shoots me with a Nerf bullet right in my ear. I hear the adults start to laugh but reactively scream out “FUCK OFF” loud enough for everyone there to have heard it. I immediately feel terrible and try to apologize to her but she runs inside crying. My mom goes in to talk to her and everyone else outside just kindof acted like it didn’t even happen.
I feel really bad about it because my sister is usually such a great kid and I realize she could just be in the middle of a phase but I just boiled over after everything added up. I’ve since apologized to her and she accepted it but I can tell she’s still kindof in shock that I said that to her and my mom is definitely still upset I said that to her.
So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 35,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 14,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 26,
"WRONG": 39
}
|
WRONG
|
XbILmtoC3Y2ZlbtY20JM7Zu5dHUPQjoB
|
a7numc
|
{
"description": "refusing to play along for Christmas",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for refusing to play along for Christmas?
|
I don’t think I am, but my family acts like I’m ruining everything for the rest of them.
I come from a super mormon family and all our Christmas traditions revolve around church and Jesus themes. This includes acting out a nativity scene and reading the Bible birth of Jesus story on Christmas Eve, attending church if the holiday is on a Sunday, churchy Christmas songs, etc. I am a staunch atheist and the only one in my whole family, immediate and extended. I try not to rub it in their faces because it’s just cause for drama, but they really try to “fellowship” me back to church by asking me to pray before the meal or read a passage of scripture or play a role in the nativity play, etc. I don’t want to ruin their Christmas, I just don’t want to be involved (I even abstain from other things they dislike out of respect, like no swearing around them or drinking coffee or wearing certain clothing) so I say, no thanks and that should be that but it never is. My mother gets quietly upset and I know she’ll cry to my dad about it all Christmas Eve night and it’ll hurt her feelings. I just feel guilty about it but I don’t think I’m wrong for setting some polite boundaries. The religious guilt is real ffs
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
QjioNJ70zNjow03ypAq6CDyMtY5STGXd
|
axvdn7
|
{
"description": "cutting ties with a girl at work who told me she was in love with me",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for cutting ties with a girl at work who told me she was in love with me?
|
First time posting.
Getting right into it, about a year ago I met this girl at work. Let's call her Sam. Sam and I became friends pretty quickly as most people at our job are older. Sam deals with anxiety/ depression and doesn't have a lot of friends, so I made an effort to invite her to outtings with my friends outside of work, who are the most supportive humans I know. As we got closer and hungout more, it became pretty clear Sam liked me. Eventually, Sam told me this and I explained that I like being her friend, but was not interested in anything else, which Sam was cool with.
Fast forward a year later and I start to feel like Sam has become way too invested in me for being just a work friend. Examples include her leaving work early because I didn't grab lunch with her (we normally get food together) and Sam calling me out at work about how I haven't invited her places when I hangout with my friends.
Recently, Sam has been telling me that she needed to talk to me about something important, but whenever i brought it up she would never say what it was. This happened about 6 times over the course of a month. Finally, this past weekend at about 4am her and two of my friends were at a bar and Sam told me that she loved me and has never felt this way before. I didn't say much bc my friends were right there. After several texts the next day Sam confirmed this was what she wanted to tell me. I told Sam that I need space and that we can't do lunch anymore but when It comes to being in the office together that I won't act any differently toward her. Sam has called out of work sick since this happened so I haven't seen her since. I feel Sam is way too emotiallly invested in me to the point where it is unhealthy which wad affecting me at work. I also realize Sam deals with a lot of health issues and has a very limited friend group.
AITA for telling my work friend Sam I need space after she admitted she loved me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
wH55TIPZGTeGqRoFLXoOKTO5obxu7hKa
|
9xd6h2
|
{
"description": "not giving my ex a chance to be in our daughters life",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving my ex a chance to be in our daughters life?
|
I’m pregnant. My ex was abusive and I had to get a restraining order. He’s broken it multiple times. I’ve pressed charges.
He still sends me messages. Most are about wanting to be in our child’s life and I have a lot of guilt about keeping him away from our daughter. (Don’t get me wrong there are a lot of mean messages mixed in there too). I don’t trust him, he is violent and has a drug problem but I feel guilty because I will be keeping my daughter away from her father. Many people have said that there is no replacing her father and that they have a right to be in each other’s lives.
He now says he’s given up on ever being apart of our lives and that it’s my fault our daughter won’t have a father. That I didn’t give him enough of a chance or that I can’t put the past behind me for the benefit of our daughter.
So AITA for not giving him a chance to be in our daughters life? I know he’s an asshole but is it worse to keep my daughter totally in the dark about her father?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
HkbShQj0gp6JMb5bJrdmLgu74HbOvMeH
|
b03x9w
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my asexual girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA if I broke up with my asexual girlfriend?
|
So I'm going to be using the names Bob for me and Susan for my girlfriend. I apologize if this post seems to be in shambles, it's late and this question has been tearing me up inside lately.
So I, Bob, am a bisexual man. I came out while at college, and during this time I got really involved in my college's Queer Student Union. That's where I met Susan. We instantly clicked. We had all the same interests and loved the same books and bands. I knew she was asexual when I first met her, but despite that I sorta started falling for her.
By the end of my sophomore year, I found out that despite being asexual, she was still romantic and still craved intimacy and romantic relationships. At this point, she was a close friend, and since we had so much in common, I decided to go for it.
Fast forward to now we're becoming really serious, and I think that's what has caused potential permanent abstinence to set in. I haven't had the guts to attempt to initiate anything because I knew she was asexual before we started, but I don't know whether it's "repulsed by sex" asexuality or "never initiate" asexuality, but I'm afraid of pushing her boundaries and ruining both our relationship and our friendship by being pushy.
I'm a virgin. I'm Catholic and the emotional crisis I went through before realizing I was bisexual meant I never tried anything with anyone because I was too scared over the possibility that I might be gay. When we started our relationship I thought no sex wouldn't be an issue cause I'd never had it before, but I'm realizing that was a naive assumption. Now that I'm comfortable with my identity, I want to experience that part of life, but I don't feel I can if I stay with Susan.
She's the first person I've ever been in love with, and that love was built on the foundation of our friendship beforehand. But, even though we love each other now, I think we'll end up resenting each other if I don't end it now. At that point, not only would the relationship end, but our friendship too. Even if she was willing to have sex for my sake, I'd feel like I was manipulating her because she wouldn't actually want it. Yet, at the same time, I feel like only a complete shitty asshole would break up with their best friend when they feel so strongly for each other over something as minor and selfish as sex.
**TL;DR: Girlfriend is asexual and I knew that going in. We're starting to get really serious, but I don't think I can keep abstinence going, so I'm considering breaking up before it gets to the point of no return.**
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
TnQNlODAbdpCeaLV3Ns8vnoiRJL1mn5G
|
avepti
|
{
"description": "not telling everyone that my birthday is today",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not telling everyone that my birthday is today
|
yep my birthday is today and I didn't tell anyone. My sister told me that my friends should at least know because it's unfair and she would feel bad if she didn't knew. I don't want to let everyone know its my birthday, because its nothing special for me. I told her that and she did seem hurt about it. The look she gave me is stuck the whole day now and I want to know if I am in the wrong and if I should apologize to her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
EXxYvdaorsobfz52q3dAChNvaUwgA0WG
|
a1ail8
|
{
"description": "not telling him to stop",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not telling him to stop?
|
A few months ago my friends and I (F) had a d&d game where we did several Tequilla shots.
Things escalated from there and after two people left the remaining four of us put on a movie.
We were with 2 guys and two girls.
I'll call them Simon, Randy and Elisa.
Simon had a lovely girlfriend for over 3 years they had a bump in their relationship at some point because he confessed to her that he had a weird crush on me, but they were able to move past it.
So all of us were watching the movie and started roughhousing with eachother, just pushing and stuff, joking around like usual.
We were all very drunk.
At some point Elisa and I were both on top of Simon and Randy tried to get us to our senses, but eventually gave up and went home.
I was too drunk to exactly remember how we ended up in that situation, but Simon had moved my panties to the side and was touching me.
I didn't tell him to stop, nor did I tell him to go on. The only thing I could think about was that I wasn't supposed to touch him in any way and I didn't.
After it all ended I remember cleaning Elisa's entire house and just feeling really disgusting.
I've already spoken to Simon and his GF they broke up, but she eventually forgave him.
The guilt is still eating me. I destroyed a wonderful relationship, he was part of her family and I was well aware of that.
AITA for not explicitly telling him to stop?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
XXjDBTHWqo2bVNNmZpS2unsHFyVtT7SU
|
a5zrpf
|
{
"description": "not visiting my grandfather who's in ICU",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not visiting my grandfather who's in ICU?
|
My 93 year old grandfather recently had some complications that led him to being put on life support.
He's currently 10 hours North and my family is already there with him with the exception of myself and a few cousins who are preparing to make the drive as I'm writing this. My mother gave me a call not long ago with an update.
He's recovered a lot given his situation and doctors are considering retiring him from life support.
I have an exceedingly strange relationship with my extended family and I've quite frankly suffered some trauma from them. This is making it difficult for me to "suck it up" and be there for my grandfather. It's also worth mentioning that I'm really not very close to my grandfather. I wouldnt remember the last time I spoke with him if you asked me.
I decided to stay home and prepare for my first day of work on Monday but I'm getting some backlash from my cousins, who themselves aren't very close to him. I can't help but feel like I'm being selfish, but I also feel like I'm being guilt tripped. Am I just a piece of shit ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
BqX4aYjkpnOtaqQaxSGR8ubBZoSdYVdm
|
b0w894
|
{
"description": "stealing my friend's girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for stealing my friend's girlfriend
|
About a year ago I broke up with my ex (ltr) and moved to the city, around this time I also started a new job. The first few months I was trying to get my life together when I made a new friend at work, let's call him Bill. Bill is an interesting guy to say the least, I'll leave some details out, but I will say that his teenage years were rough and he struggled with substance abuse. He's been clean for 2-3 years now, but drinks and smokes pot daily. I thought this was fairly normal for guys our age (20's) and started hanging out with Bill 3-4 days a week after work & on weekends.
Bill lives with his girlfriend, Sally, and early on I could tell they didn't have a healthy relationship. Bill was verbally abusive to Sally, and it doesn't really matter who else is around. Most of the time when I'm with the both of them it doesn't get too bad, but sometimes it does and I've had to step in and tell him to shut up. Turns out, he treats a lot of people this way, such as other friends and even his mother. I happen to be one of the only people he treats with respect 24/7 (the only other one I can think of is his dad, who by the way, happens to be one of my bosses at work). He's actually been a great friend to me, helping me and being there for a major life event.
Whenever we hangout, usually at his place, Sally is often home. Apparently, I'm one of Bill's only friends that talks to her and tries to be her friend too. Sally is gorgeous, and is the sweetest and most interesting woman I've met since my breakup. Turns out me and Sally have super similar interests and we're both very chill, down-to-earth people. Bill, is hot-headed, judgmental, and argumentative. I couldn't help but fantasize about being with Sally, but I didn't think too much of it because obviously I would never do that to my friend, Bill. At least I thought that until recently...
A couple weeks ago Sally texts me, and asks to borrow my truck, and hints that she's using it move out of Bill's house. I explain that I don't think that's a good idea, that I don't blame her one bit for wanting to leave Bill but I can't get involved for fear of causing drama at work (I should mention while all of this is going on, we're in the process of Bill being transferred to my department at work that I supervise, he's already working under me at this point). She understands and let's it go for awhile.
That is until over the course of the last week we've slowly been starting to text more and more. It started with her just venting, and this is when I found out the situation was worse than I thought (there has been domestic events, the last one the police were involved). It then progressed to just chatting, with her occasionally flirting while I tried to be neutral. Eventually, I couldn't help myself and starting flirting back. Feelings came out from both sides, apparently this has been mutual for quite awhile now and we've both just been fighting it.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
p25bE68sNTUZ6ucbNHxYU2Fn3vUljP2B
|
b4z73n
|
{
"description": "refusing to go to my grandfathers memorial service",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for refusing to go to my grandfathers memorial service?
|
Little back story, I (34m/divorced)have a 5 year old son who I have primary custody of. I got a rather good paying job in the Bay Area but it requires me to work graveyard. As a result I had to move back home.
My mother has lived in our family house for the 15 years. Done all the maintenance and up keep herself.
I’ve had no love for my grandfather from the start. He’s never treated my mom well. He never wanted a daughter. Only sons. He got 3 sons that he loved and would do anything for. If my mom asked for help in any way he’d refuse her.
That wouldn’t stop my mom from trying to make things better. She had him over every Saturday for dinner. Drove him across the states to see his son because his medication kept him from flying.
Not once did he ever say thank you for any of it and it anyone could see that it ate away at my mom.
Now last Tuesday he finally died. He wrote a trust for the house we are in. He told us that he was giving us cheaper than normal rent so we could buy the house. But that’s not what he put in the trust. I haven’t read the trust, but I was hoping the house would be split between my mom and her 3 brothers. Only 2 of the brothers we would have to buy out. The other didn’t want it. However, what he put from what I’ve been told is that the house is to be sold because he never wanted my mom to live in it. So now we are looking to sell because we sure as shit can’t afford it. My grandfathers last act on this planet was to throw my family out because he never liked my mom.
Next Saturday is the memorial service. My moms asked me to go to support her but I honestly don’t think I can do it. I want to support her but I can’t give that crapsack any respect when he had none for us.
Am an asshole for refusing my mother’s request and not going to the service?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
bAhN9ZxCi2jSePW4bZ2JHt82GJzALz5e
|
amcqch
|
{
"description": "embarrassing a pair of horny teenagers",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for embarrassing a pair of horny teenagers?
|
Ok so today I took my 3 little ones (6,4,1) to our local park. On the slide was a teenage couple about 16/17 kissing and on top of one another.. I kindv walked down the other end but made eye contact n felt pretty uncomfortable. Lol
They stopped and moved to the swings wher they started cuddling etc so this time I said to them to take it somewhere else our kids are trying to play. They went bright red and stalked off the girl called me a bitch. Haha I felt kindv bad as I remember what it's like to be young but ew not at the kids playground right??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
RIGHT
|
1iULwMnikUQcU63FHjuiYL7Y3fHrIMkA
|
b95xs3
|
{
"description": "resenting my roommate",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for resenting my roommate?
|
Disclaimer: I'm a first time poster so bare with me. Also this is a long one.
​
I'm currently in college and last year I went through some tough times. All I did was sit in my room and sulk. A friend of mine would often hang in my room with me, she would often play movies or we'd play board games, but we would never go out or anything. She asked me to be her roommate this year and I said yes.
​
This year I'm doing much better. I have a girlfriend who really gets me out there, I've joined numerous clubs and am even the VP of one, and I have finally made a solid group of friends. I am so happy to finally be getting the true college experience. I finally don't feel the need to sulk in my room, I want to be out living life. My roommate is not taking any of this well. She often gets upset at me for lying about who I really am. I don't feel like I lied about who I am, I was just in a bad place when she met me.
​
Because she wants me to revert back to a time of depression I avoid spending a lot of time in our shared space. I'll often spend time out with my girlfriend, or with my friends. In the beginning I would invite her along but she is rude towards the new people in my life. I tried to talk to her about her attitude towards them but she just gets defensive and claims that they just don't understand sarcasm.Now I just don't invite her places, or won't tell her where I'm going. On weekends I'll usually be out the entire time. She informed that on weekends if I'm gone she only gets up to use the bathroom and won't eat or anything.
​
There are a lot of other small details that don't really matter but basically the situation has really taken a toll on me, which sucks because I've finally gotten myself to a good place. So reddit, AITA for resenting my roommate and not hanging out with her so much.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
NNgaZsVLvzTbWDxHErrWi0zCw7iI0BqO
|
ax1scn
|
{
"description": "hating on my dad",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for hating on my dad?
|
Okay, this question may seem obvious, but I'm really confused right now.
My dad and I never had a good relationship. He is always rude to me and my mother, sometimes spanks me and cheats on my mom with different women very often. When he isn't at home, he is with some friends drinking at the bar (he gets home drunk almost everyday) or with some woman, who knows. He has never been a present father, and I became used to it, but I really feel that I hate him sometimes for making us go through all that bullshit.
Besides all that, he really does everything for me, his only child. He pays for my college, bought me a car, taught me how to drive, gives me everything I need/want.
So I ask, AITA in this situation? Am I being ungrateful for everything he does to me? Or am I right because he is really awful? TIA.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
13Jg9jjykQ0rmmmZ1B26g5mD2jYbzlYi
|
9ue5gp
|
{
"description": "hating my brother with a deep passion",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA? I hate my brother with a deep passion
|
Me and my brother have really never been friends, for as long as I can remember he has been teasing me, kicking me, scaring me around every corner, he even jumps on top of me and he’s probably about 150 LBS. Idk and idc if this sounds a bit petty, but I can’t stand him, sometimes he and my other brother will “team up” and annoy me to a point where I would like to punch them in the face. I’m also a male at 14, and my brothers are 15 and 17 (almost 18). You might be thinking that I’m strong enough to defend myself, I could a little bit, but every time I retaliate, my parents get pissed at me and sometimes I get punished, and my brothers don’t get really any word from my parents, when they do, they stop for about a day and then they continue making me hate my 15 year old brother. AITA for hating him?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "leaving without a 30 day notice",
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AITA for leaving without a 30 day notice
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So I've been living with a pain in my ankle for about a year now. Some months are easier than others, but with the weight I am currently at, it's been a struggle.
The job I am currently at uses me for about 55 hours a week and it is quite abit of walking around. Ive been there for about 6 months. As you can imagine it gets pretty painful and I fear this is something I need to take care of soon. So I decided to move back with my family, recover, start changing my diet, my lifestyle and maybe go to school.
I want to do this as soon as possible as the pain is just getting unbearable and I find myself hunched over and limping, causing me problems with my back.
I told the owner of the room I'm renting that I wanted to move out at the begging of the month, he said he would prefer a 30 day notice but it was cool. I feel bad considering he is a really good friend.
I know I need to do this but I just dont want to be known as an asshole.
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{
"description": "giving a homeless man food instead of money? tl;dr at bottom",
"pronormative_score": 5,
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AITA for giving a homeless man food instead of money? TL;DR at bottom
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So this just happened not 30 minutes ago.
Just for context I have a job that I work at till 12:30 am and because I have to rely on public transport I don't get home till 3 am. I only work 3 days out of the week so I don't mind the commute. I also live in between a pretty upscale gentrified neighborhood and a pretty sketchy part of town so there's an abundance of homeless people around my area. Also the place I live in has a gate so it's kind of secluded but it's on a Main Street.
I just got home after work and taking the 2 buses to get home. I took my dog out to do his business as per usual when a clearly drunk homeless man approaches the gate and starts calling for my attention. I'm used to this as this happens pretty frequently and also there was a gate between me and him so I wasn't threatened.
He asked me if I could bum him a cigarette which I obliged I even gave him 2 more for later. He then tells me how hungry he is and how he's from somewhere else and how he hasn't been able to eat for a while etc. so I told him to wait. I prepared him a little meal bag consisting of a bag of chips, a Tupperware container filled with chicken and chick peas that my rooms mate had made for dinner (there was plenty of leftover), and a couple of mini payday bars. I came out with the food and handed it to him and he was very grateful.
What really irked me was that after I gave him this food he proceeded to ask me for money to buy a beer. I told him I have no cash and that he should be on his way. He was upset and yelled at me for not giving any money and even called me a "piece of shit" for not giving him money.
I understand the struggle and this man was clearly going through some issues in his life but am I really a piece of shit? This is a trend I've been noticing around the homeless around my area. It makes me not want to even acknowledge their presence but then I feel guilty about that.
TL;DR I gave a homeless man food and cigarettes and he called me a piece of shit for not giving him money for beer
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "not wanting to be friends with an ex because she makes me think of my dead best friend",
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AITA for not wanting to be friends with an ex because she makes me think of my dead best friend?
|
Sorry if formatting is a bit weird or if there is spelling mistakes, I’m on mobile.
So I couple months ago right before thanksgiving, me and this girl I had liked started going out. We had hit it off and it seemed to be going pretty well until one day late January where she broke up with me out of the blue saying “I just don’t have feelings for you anymore.” This would’ve been sad enough but I could’ve still been friends, which is what she asked, if it was. That same week my best friend of over 10 years had tragically passed away in a car accident and left me and my friends on edge. We had always been together, but with his death we all got into a large fight and stopped talking with each other.
All of this happened within a few days, so I feel into a lure of depression and had thoughts of killing myself. I had friends who managed to help me through this, but now every time I see my ex I get reminded of my dead friend and get extremely depressed and in pain. I’ve explained this to her and her friends, but they still say I’m an asshole for not hanging out with her and that I’m just overreacting.
AITA?
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{
"description": "getting annoying when my friends/bf joke about my speech impediment",
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AITA for getting annoying when my friends/bf joke about my speech impediment? (in this situation)
|
Sorry for the long post, I just have a lot to unpack and I'm trying to explain both sides to the best of my ability. TLDR at bottom.
Since kindergarten I've been in Speech Therapy, for about 2/3's of the Alphabet, and a slew of problems such as talking too fast, volume control, etc. It isn't anything mentally wrong, just never really learned correctly so they had to reteach me. Finally, at the end of 8th grade I "graduated" from Speech, after (mostly) learning my R's and working with speed control.
My odd way of talking has given me a British accent, and I constantly get asked about it. But, I also never fully learned my R's and honestly I kinda backslided a little when I stopped being taught. So, from the time my kid brain could process it to now, I've always dealt with the fear of not being understood, and it never goes way. It's always the back of my mind. That, coupled with my mom constantly making me say words/pointing it out, makes me absolutely hate people pointing anything out near it.
But, I've also grown up with it so I'm pretty used to it. With my friend group we roast each other a lot so it comes up decently often. And while it bugs me, I usually just joke back a little and then change the subject quickly. They are my friends and they are just making lighthearted jokes, I'm not gonna blow up from it.
But this time, I don't know. My bf(of almost one year) knows how insecure I am about it, and we were just hanging out when he kept (jokingly) making fun of me; using a British accent, telling me to say certain R-heavy words, etc. I tried to keep it lighthearted and keep it to telling him to stop, but when that wasn't working I did turn to guilt tripping him, telling him about how awful and embarrassed it was making me feel.
Normally, he'd apologized or stop. But this time he said something along the lines of "Calm down, I'm just messing around" and I fucking lost it.
Long story short, I shoved him away(we were lounging around together on his bed) and told him he was being a dick and super inconsiderate of my feelings, and that I felt like he didn't even care that I was telling him to stop. I was pretty angry, so this was all yelled. This led to him being pretty shocked and said that I never really minded it before, and he didn't realize that I was getting generally upset over it.
I told him I didn't want to hear it and that it isn't an excuse since I told him to stop. He apologized, but the night was ruined so I just went home after telling him I'd text him in the morning when I've had time to cool down.
Well now I have and now I can't tell who was really in the wrong. He was the one mocking me and I had told him to stop, but at the same time he didn't know I was actually upset since normally I never really appear to be so my reaction seemed out of line.
So who was the asshole in the this situation?
TLDR: I grew up with a speech impediment that made me insecure. Bf was jokingly roasting me about it, and I lost it when he didn't stop upon being asked. Bf didn't realize I was being serious since normally I don't appear to be bothered by it. Who was the asshole?
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AITA For Ruining my Boyfriends Friendships
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So this happened like three years ago, but I still feel guilty about it. My boyfriend (24M) and I (20F) met and started dating. After a month or so, everything is good so I start to meet his friends. Initially, it was all fine. He had six friends, a little group, and lived with two of them.
Well, as time went on we got a bit more serious. My boyfriend started taking his job more seriously, as I am an intense workoholic, and I tried to relax and party more like him. His friends are INTENSE partiers. They're all now in their late 20s/early 30s and still go out every other night and drink until utterly smashed.
Things started to go wrong between me and his friends by then. They blamed me for him not going out more (we went out every friday and Saturday with them), and just generally started to complain. The main complaint they had about me was I'm too opinionated and annoying. There was also an incident in which I yelled at them for drunk driving home from a bar with my boyfriend passed out in the back with no seat belt. Still, I tried to stay positive and went out of my way to be friendly, making dinner and baked goods for them and staying home alone so my boyfriend could have more guy time.
Didnt work. They started a "campaign" called "Make (OP's boyfriend) Single Again" and teased me about stupid stuff like where I went to college, my accent, and my anxiety disorder. This really pissed me off and I stopped spending time with them, and my boyfriend stepped back a bit.
So when my bpyfeiend and I moved in together I told him point blank that the only one who could come over was the non asshole friend. My boyfriend could go see them, but I would not be uncomfortable in my home. My boyfriend just stopped being friends with them.
I didn't really think I was an asshole until a few months later when (small town) someone said to my friend that they heard I didn't let my boyfriend to have friends and that I was isolating him and manipulative.
So, AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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angbfo
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{
"description": "calling out a classmate",
"pronormative_score": 2,
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AITA for calling out a classmate?
|
So, here it is, after commenting on a bunch of dumb posts on her, I finally had an asshole moment. Perhaps it's karma.
I'm an a Small Group Communications class at my college. We all had to make groups and give ourselves team posters and names. Well, this one group named themselves "The Yellow Jackets." Their mascot was a fucking Bumble Bee. I'm dumb and rude, so of course I said out loud "that's a bee?" Half the class called me an asshole, and I kinda feel like an asshole, but... It was a fucking bee. A bumble bee. Not a Yellow Jacket. And I didn't actually say anything really rude. But I guess it was fucked since they put a lot of work in on that poster....
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HISTORICAL
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afibua
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"description": "not wanting my grandma to treat me like I'm a kid",
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AITA if i don’t want my grandma to treat me like i’m a kid ?
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A little background info , my dad originally lived with his family in the northern part of the county but when he married my mom moved with her to the south, so the only times my family visited my grandparents were during easter or summer.
Right now I have moved to the city my grandparents live because I’m attending university ( in my country universities are free but they don’t have dorms so as a student you have to rent someplace to live ) and i’m staying with my grandparents (i have my own apartment but i’m in the same building as the rest of my dads family)
my problem is that my grandma is treating me like i’m here for vacation i.e. she asks me where i’m going , when i’m going to come back , she’s pestering me about food , which i know to some people will sound stupid but i love cooking new stuff by myself and eating whenever i want , and many times i had to leave my friends just because i said to my grandparents that i will eat with them and it’s so annoying because it makes me feel like i’m still in high school ,only worse. I have talked to her but she is so stubborn and doesn’t want to listen.
my first semester went shitty because the situation affected me so much ,i felt like i wasn’t in university,i didn’t go out with friends and i was staying home because i was angry with myself for something that is not my fault. After the christmas holiday break I promised myself to just do whatever i want , to say no to my grandma and to stop caring if i hurt her feelings even if it makes me look like an asshole.
i know that i sound ungrateful , i understand that she feels happy to have me near her and seeing me everyday and i know a lot of people would love to live in a big city near their university without having to pay but i feel like if this situation continues i won’t enjoy my university life the way an average student does .
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WRONG
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{
"description": "breaking up with girlfriend for getting plastic surgery",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 31
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AITA for breaking up with girlfriend for getting plastic surgery?
|
This happened 2 weeks ago, but I just discovered this sub.
I was with my girlfriend for 6 months and everything was great. We didn't fight much since it was pretty early on into the relationship, and I'm not really a contentious guy. Then, she told me that she got plastic surgery... We're both Korean and Koreans are known for their plastic surgery. I've always been completely against any type of procedure that changes your appearance. Her surgery wasn't anything major, it was just double eyelid surgery. For those not in the know, double eyelid surgery is very popular, especially for asians. I'm not sure about the numbers, but I'm pretty sure a large amount of asians do get them and they're not really seen as a big deal. However, to me it is. I became distinct with her and could not get rid of the negative thoughts that started to form in my head.
The part that really bothered me was the fact that she would spend money to change her appearance, albeit slightly, because she wasn't satisfied with the way she looks. I know some might say what's the difference between that and makeup, but just the idea of permanently changing your appearance does not sit well with me.
So I decided to end the relationship with her. I met with her and ended the relationship but I did not tell her the reason was because of her surgery. I just assumed that it might be best not to tell her because she might start to hate herself for getting the surgery or become self conscious about her appearance. I was really flustered and just told her it's because of personal reasons and did not get into details at all.
She texted me a few times throughout the week asking me what the problem was and what she did wrong, but I just kept telling her I didn't wanna talk about it and eventually ignored her (or responded very late) to her messages. We live in the same town and whenever I see her friends, they all try to ignore me now. I'm sure they all think i'm an asshole.
​
tldr; girlfriend gets (minor) plastic surgery for double eyelid surgery. i break up with her. don't tell her reason why b/c i feel it's best not to. everyone ignoring me.
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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{
"description": "cancelling a date",
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|
AITA for cancelling a date
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So 2 weeks ago I met a girl on Tinder, and we hit it off pretty quickly. We had similar taste in music which was a big plus. Here's the thing though, she lives about 200 miles from me. She told me her location was set to where I was because she didn't want her clients to see her on tinder. She's in the mental health field, so apparently she needs to keep her work and personal life separate. She said she was about 2 years away from moving to the city I'm in. I didn't think much of it at the time.
So we started chatting a lot, and after a day or two it turned into every day. We had similar chatting style so it seemed like a great match so far. One weekend goes by and then she tells me she's coming in town for a concert on the upcoming Friday, and then she'll be free the next day on Saturday. We both wanted to Bohemian Rhapsody, so she bought tickets to the movie at a theater right by my place.
Last Friday approaches and I start rethinking the date. I had told her before that I wasn't looking for anything serious, but whatever happens, happens ya know. She was at her concert so we didn't talk much Friday night. Saturday I wake up and start to worry about the distance. Where she lives it's about 3 hours from me. 3 hours isn't 'too' bad... But it's far enough to be a pain in the ass.
So I decide to cancel the date. I didn't bullshit her, I sent her an apology message. I also sent her $20 through fb messenger for the movie tickets. I told her that the distance was too much for me. She was ok with it at first, then she got upset and told me how shitty it was for me not to give it a chance. Also shitty that I told her I wasn't looking for anything serious, so why not just make a new friend. I told her sorry again and let her know that I guess I was looking for a more serious relationship. Then she once again wouldn't let it go and told me I was an asshole.
AITA for being honest with her and cancelling? I just figured it wasn't fair to her to go into the date knowing I wasn't ok with the distance. Or should I have just given it a chance?
tldr: I cancelled a first date with a girl that lives 200 miles away from me on the morning of the date. I sent her money for the movie tickets she bought. She told me I'm an asshole.
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HISTORICAL
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9zk8dw
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"description": "not talking to my sister",
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|
AITA for not talking to my sister
|
A little history here. My older sister has always been troublesome, like pulled a knife on me and my brother more than once troublesome. Most my life she has been verbally and physically violent so for awhile I just kinda fell out of touch with her. A few years back she started medication for her anger issues (diagnosed with depression and anxeity, but I think there might be something else) while on medication she was okay, still pulled some dick moves but nothing violent. So fast forward and my sister falls pregnant and since I just had a baby of my own I keep helping her with this and that but during her pregnancy she has to stop taking her meds. Slowly, slowly her old self came back. When she had her baby she had a lot of troubles. I kept pushing for her to start therapy and take meds again (she wasn't breast feeding as she found it too demanding). It took 6 months but she finally did. My mother agreed to take care of her baby during her appointment but after my Mother agreed my sister pushed for more time to herself to go drink with her friends, which my mother agreed too because she is a sweet woman. On the day of my sisters appointment I had playgroup with my baby (a year older than my sisters) and during this playgroup I took a fall and partially tore the 3 major ligaments in my ankle. I called an ambulance and for legal reason they wouldn't allow my son to ride with us. My Hubby was already on his way but works quite far away so I called my Mother to ask if she could come grab my son and take him to the hospital to meet with my husband. So she takes my sisters baby comes grabs my baby drops him off to hubby and goes home. Unknown to me she called my sister and explained the situation asked if she could get her baby incase I needed to go into surgery. My sister came after her appointment but because she missed out on time to herself she abused my mother (even though she had 3 hours before the appointment baby free) she screamed at her saying she needed help and its always something with me or my son and mom is never there for her and all kinds of horrible things. The conversation ended with my sister saying she was done with the whole family and didn't need us. I'd been texting her in the hospital and asking how her appointment and I didn't get any response. I found out later in the day what happened after finding my mother bawling her eyes out. I was livid. The next down I realised she blocked me on facebook. 3 days later she text my mother an apology I don't know what it said but Mom said she isn't ready to forgive her which is very unlike her(she has even cancelled her christmas dinner). On the 4th day she asked what was wrong with my ankle. I bluntly explained that it was fucked and I have to take care of my son in crutches and with a boot for 2 weeks followed by a month of a brace. She said wow that sucks let me know if you need help which on a paper sounds nice but her offering of help is always disengenous. I didn't reply. Day 6 she tried calling twice, I didn't answer. She texted R U mad at me? And I ignored it. Day 8 two calls ignored again. We are on day 10 now. I still haven't contacted her. I know she has issues with her mental state, I know things are hard for her but after everything she has done I am just too tiered to continue a relationship with her. My Husband hasn't liked her since she made a commotion at our wedding she he keeps telling me just to ignore her but his view point is bias. So Am I the Asshole here? Should I just give her a pass because she is struggling with some sort of mental issues? And ultimatley what should I say to her? Thanks for reading
TL;DR My sister who has a history of mental issues blew up at my Mom after having to cancel baby sitting time due to me badly injuring my ankle. It's been 10 days and I still haven't spoken to her.
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HISTORICAL
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|
WIBTA for not giving my friends a ride home?
|
So my two friends don't have cars and I feel like they expect me to give them a ride home for spring break. We are from the same city and go to college 4 hours away. One of them has a dog that they brought from home for a bit, and I know that it will be hard for her to transport it otherwise.
They haven't asked me yet for a ride, but I know that they will. My reluctance is from the fact that I want to leave two days early ( My classes got cancelled), to have time at home and see my long-distance boyfriend.
They are joining me on a trip over break, and I don't want them to resent me. But I've become their go-to friend for favors and its gotten to a point where I feel used.
\-------------
Background story of initial tension:
To top it off, i once overheard them talking about using me for a free place to stay in the city. They called me, and thought that I had not picked up the phone yet, and I heard them saying this:" I know it's awkward, but it saves us $40 and gives us a place to stay." This was after an incident where I asked one of them to pay me after drinking a $40 bottle of my burbon with another one of my roommates without asking.
The other roommate was being incredibly dramatic about it and acting like I was penny pinching her, and then later insisted that I would need to chip in for groceries if I had a slice of her pizza ( I decided to buy my own because we eat different things.) It was really hurtful, because I spent 400 on alcohol for my birthday party the week before, and tried to make sure to contribute to the apartment. The sad part is that my two "friends" talked about me badly behind my back with her.
​
They are entertaining people to have around, and I live with them... but I can't see them the same after all of this. They are also way too keen on men with money, which leads me to believe that they are users in other aspects of their lives.
\-----------
I know they would chip in for gas, but I'm getting tired of our dynamics. I feel pressured to keep the peace because we're all going on a trip together, and making new friends at this point feels like it might be too much effort. I know that these people are not worth keeping around after college.
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{
"description": "being extremely pissed at my husband for saving his game file over my game file and now I dont even want to play anymore",
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|
AITA for being extremely pissed at my husband for saving his game file over my game file and now I dont even want to play anymore.
|
Pretty straightforward.
My husband and I are gamers. He recently bought me God of War for the PS4. YASS! I've grown up with GoW so having this was a must. I had finished the main storyline and was working on finishing up the side quests so I can build up my stats and start defeating the Valkories. I also needed one more level of the impossible trails which are a bitch to get threw. I mean, I spent a lot of time on this game.
My husband, he also has been playing GoW. He isnt to far behind me as he too finished the main storyline but he still needed quite a few side quests to complete plus including those impossible trails. Also, hes not very thorough when hes searching for items so he doesnt pick up or find nearly as much important items as I do.
Since we are somewhat around the same areas of gameplay, the saving files are starting to look a little similar. So husband confuses himself and creates another save file to save his progress. Nothing wrong with that, cool. We dont get confused.
Not until the other day... he was finishing up his play and came to the save screen. Three save file... he chooses mine and saves...
He says it was an accident, that he was truly confused. I do believe he was confused but we have been (play) arguing on who's a better player and who's Kratos is stronger, yatta yatta and then this happens. I can't help but to feel that he played the petty game slightly but I also know he wouldn't go that far as to erase my entire progress. I am pissed and I kind of dont want to play anymore but I dont want to make a big deal about a game either. It's just a game.
Hubby says I can piggyback off his game and start from there 😑😑
Reddit, Am I being An Asshole for feeling this way about my game being saved over?
TL;DR Husband saved his God of War game file over my game file when he had two saved files already, he was confused and I'm upset about it.
My Kratos can still kick your Kratos ass. Love you babe.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
eHwt23Y1Lzw5PlH72j7WxaaYvVtwcYeh
|
aidpi9
|
{
"description": "breaking my roommates bottle of booze",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for breaking my roommates bottle of booze
|
my roommate owned a bottle of whiskey he was given for his birthday and placed it on top of the fridge. over the course of a few months somehow it ended up resting on the door of the fridge. i got up one morning and when to grab some food out of the freezer, and the bottle fell onto the ground, shattering and getting whiskey and glass all over the kitchen floor. i cleaned this up and let him know what happened. the problem occurs when its time for us to pay our monthly bills and he refuses to pay me stating we will call it even for the bottle i broke.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
nia66gNBIUueC4V0ysvztJ6WI7fa2cs1
|
b2q20i
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend her obsession with Joan Crawford is weird",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend her obsession with Joan Crawford is weird?
|
My girlfriend is obsessed with Crawford. She watches her movies all of time, even if they're not "talkies". Her best friend is just as obsessed. They love classic Hollywood, not just Crawford, Garbo and Monroe as well, but especially Crawford. It would be one thing if they just liked her as an actress, but they idealize her as a person which I think is really weird considering she was an awful human. Her and her little friend often have these little old Hollywood parties where they dress up as their favorite starlets. She talked me into going to one as James Dean. It was fucking weird. I thought they just dressed up and got drunk. No. Oh no. It was like a fucking LARP for film nerds, they were all in character. After about five minutes I couldn't take it anymore and I told my girlfriend I was leaving. She asked why and I said this shit is mad weird, she told me to kick rocks and so I did. She hasn't spoken to me since. Was I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
kGFfRHTamLRxpuGsQiG5ybr2safdPO0W
|
b2jz6e
|
{
"description": "ignoring a stranger's kid wanting to talk to me about video games",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for ignoring a stranger's kid wanting to talk to me about video games
|
It was a normal ride on a bus on the way back home. Out of nowhere, a kid, about 11 years old, came to me and wants to have a conversation with me about his mobile games. I glanced at his phone and I could see that it was some sort of "Clash of clan" clone type of game. I was uninterested and proceed to ignore the kid, hoping that he would understand that I have no interest. But he kept on going talking to me non-stop about his favorite class and stuff. After ignoring a while, the kid looked sad and proceed to sit back down to his mom. I do felt bad, but I felt tired after a long day of work. Maybe I could have said no instead of ignoring him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
wbISfiKvJpzyVM3pdiVb204mKzkMHTNN
|
b2nvx8
|
{
"description": "saying that my friend shouldn't be put in jail",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for saying that my friend shouldn't be put in jail?
|
So bit of a backstory, my friend has a history of lying about things to get her own way. She's a good person generally but her word is not.. trustworthy.
The other day he was with one of our friends and after a bit of alcohol, he pushed himself against her and she defended herself and screamed at him to leave.
He was arrested and is possibly facing a lot of charges.
We were having a discussion about it today over text and she was getting a bit crazy. She was saying how she wanted to kill him and other things. She says that although there is 0 proof, he should be locked away for the rest of his life and is working with her lawyers to accomplish this.
Here's where I fucked up. I said "I hope that doesn't happen otherwise the world would turn to shit".
Bad choice of words.
Of course I want this dude to go to prison but I'm of the opinion that NOBODY should be locked up if there's 0 proof. Unless this dude literally says "Yeah I did it" then I don't think he should go to prison. I tried explaining this to her but she wouldn't have it.
So she screams at me and tells me that I'm a terrible person and blocks me, tells all my friends to do the same and most of them have turned against me because they believe that I'm a heartless bastard that encouraged my friend to do it.
AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 13
}
|
WRONG
|
u8Ud3USoAtXKXSsZ2vYkzX7l8OQJ3PaP
|
b1yf4u
|
{
"description": "getting angry at my co-workers",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting angry at my co-workers
|
Gimme some help here reddit.
I have been working in my new job for about a month now and so far i think I've been getting on quite well with my colleagues. I haven't had any issues yet, haven't had a fight with anyone and we enjoy a bit of banter as well on our everyday cohabitation on our workplace.
For the past week they have been talking about a party that will take place in one's house and have been inviting most of the people on our department. It's really awkward hearing them talk about it in front of me without getting an invitation and today I heard them joking "no party happening here" and laughing when i entered the staff room.
What baffles me the most is that this makes me question whether people actually enjoy my company or they're joking behind my back. I consider myself intelligent and realistic so i do not think I'm tripping when it comes to stuff like that.
I understand that they do not have any obligation to invite me, however i find it inelegant as fuck and awkward to be in the same space with them.
Any thoughts?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
DvRIdYyoDRnXZFngdh0mqzDYmfnAsOJq
|
a4kdtq
|
{
"description": "wanting to spend the money on myself",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to spend the money on myself?
|
So I quit smoking and decided that as a treat I would put the money aside until I had £500 to buy myself a pair of Louboutins (I've wanted these for years but have never wanted to part with that much cash for some shoes).
So, the money is there now. I'm still not smoking. I can go buy my shoes!! However. I'm leaving my job at the end of the month, and they have now told me I need to pay back £2k in study expenses (I'm not arguing I need to pay this, I just never really expected to have to as they have NEVER asked anyone else to pay it back upon leaving).
Now I feel completely selfish to go out any buy the shoes when I know I should buy Xmas presents for the family with it. But damn it. I've tried so hard to be able to buy them!!!
The family would still have presents, just not of the usual standard, and I'd have a pair of pretty shoes to start my new job in!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
NAooFHBOgtSccWYGzTfo7v6EyETL2CNF
|
9zce3k
|
{
"description": "responding to my exes text when I dunno if I want to re date him? what should I do or think about my ex randomly reaching out to me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for responding to my exes text when I dunno if I wanna re date him? What should I do or think about my ex randomly reaching out to me?
|
Here’s how our convo went. He started it out of no where
Him: Hope you had fun visiting home. I went and watched Malik again my coworker had death in the fam and had to leave short notice for the weekend
Me: Thanks!! Aw. I bet you and Malik was stoked had such a great time with you two dudes just chilling
Him: Haha dude weekend he did miss you making the salmon tho 😢 but dont worry I still set off the fore alarm 💪 Making my famous secret recipe green bean casserole rn for work pot luck tomorrow (thats not what set off alarm I am making it at home) turning on the freakin heater did 🤷♀️ think that thing is just too sensitive at their place
Me:Lol I miss them pumpkin seeds the most though! Yeah I was like so embarrassed but it’s honestly a funny memory. I mean at least they’ll never have a fire tho! Oh nice. I’m super hungry right now and that sounds hella good. I’ve been sustaining on cheese sticks today
Him: Lol get some fiber too! I’ll make ya some one day you can take the recipe to christmas and fuck shit up
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
jNaGNb79VAEJUiE5yxpWFu3CxqMTlYnN
|
at8gww
|
{
"description": "asking my best friend to define the boundaries of our relationship",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for asking my best friend to define the boundaries of our relationship?
|
Backstory:
Me and her (let's call her "X") grew up in the same neighborhood but only become close and subsequently best friends about 4ish years ago. About April last year she moved upstate (about 7 hours away) to live with her boyfriend. Since then, whenever we've been able we've met up and hung out and it's always been the best.
​
More recently however, I've been diagnosed with depression and sometimes I get sad and need my friend. I'm not the kind of person to be needy or dump my shit on other people so it's only usually when I could use cheering up that I call her and we talk about random things and try and make each other laugh.
​
About 4 weeks ago, my sister was rushed into ICU and I was feeling low. I simply messaged X "Just so you know \[sister\] is in hospital and I'm feeling really low" and I sent her a photo of my sister in hospital too (as X knows her). X left me on seen and so I left it a few days, until I texted her "What's going on?" and this time she didn't leave me on seen, but had clearly been online but just wasn't responding to me. I had other priorities so I didn't think much of it except that it was pretty shitty of X.
​
Last week I finally messaged her "Can you let me know whats going on?" and she explained that the photo was uncalled for and she didn't know how to react. I admit that, that was pretty shitty of me to send a traumatic image without any warning or anything. She then explained how she felt really bad for not being able to get back to me because it upset her so much. We managed to talk it all through and we were back to normal(ish) again.
​
Yesterday, my depression was being really bad again and all I wanted was to talk to my friend, but I became afraid that she'd just ignore me again or whatever, or maybe she just doesn't want to know... So feeling insecure I messaged her "I'm sorry if this is difficult to say, but where are we? I mean, we used to come to each other with everything, but now I'm scared that will make you uncomfortable and things and I don't want that to destroy us, so can you please let me know where I stand?"
​
She responded "??"
I first put "I don't want to ever make you feel bad, but depression can make me feel really low at times" followed by "Look, sometimes when I'm sad you ignore me, and I get it, you need space sometimes, but are we the kind of friends who can tell each other bad things, or are we only the kind of friends that just make each other laugh?"
She responded "It's weird to define friendships like this"
So I said "I'm not trying to define our friendship, I just don't want to break any boundaries or do anything that could destroy us. So I'm asking X, where do we stand, can I tell you when I'm low or not?"
She blocked me...
​
So kind people of reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
d0uLCHzuqvBenTCSncPW9I75u54hpO2T
|
adlrsf
|
{
"description": "not going to wedding",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
Aita for not going to wedding.
|
Hello this is a follow up from a post yesterday. My sister was mad that I didnt give her a gift despite the fact that I was the only immediate family not invited to save space. I'm in my 20s and have a good but limited relationship with my sister. She know says I should've came despite the fact that I wasnt invited because I wouldnt have been kicked out despite not being invited. I said I would have been glad to have come and give a gift if I was invited like everbody else. Aita?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
KNrZq5NZrSUU22dgqOXYLXT6Gq1YFTY7
|
aioiyi
|
{
"description": "not paying the dog sitter for their table that my dog broke",
"pronormative_score": 53,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for not paying the dog sitter for their table that my dog broke?
|
My SO and I had travel plans for 2 weeks and his coworker offered to board our 2 dogs for $200 at his place. We gave him $300 because we were originally planning on having them stay at professional boarding for about $700 and we wanted to show our gratitude for his kind offer.
Our dogs are generally easy going as long as the big one gets to run around outside and taken on walks daily and the little one gets taken out every couple hours to potty (he’s about 75% trained but still has some accidents). They sleep in their cages at night and when we’re away from the house for a couple hours but they can’t be in their cages an entire day or they’ll get really stressed out (as most dogs would).
We gave them (the coworker and his wife) the remainder of our dog food (about half a bag that should last a week between the two of them) and $100 to pick up some more. The food costs about $30 but since we were short on time we gave them the extra $70 for the trouble of getting more.
We made sure to let them know all the proper care instructions such as when and how much to feed them, when to take them out, how much exercise they need etc. and they assured us they were okay with all of it and would take care of it.
We came back 2 weeks later and our large dog looked like he lost about 15 lbs. His ribs and spine were prominent and he’d lost most of his muscle mass. The coworker gave us the remaining dog food and said that he didn’t need to buy an extra bag after all. The bag was a quarter way full still, and we gave it to him initially half empty, fully expecting they’d need to get more. Our small dog looked a bit bigger which leads me to believe that they fed our 13 lbs dog and our 65 lbs dog the same amount of food a day.
Our large dog’s cage also had a massive hole at the bottom where it looked like he literally chewed through it, it was completely unusable. This makes me think they had them locked in their cages for very long periods of time.
To top it off, the day we came to pick them up our big guy was vomiting all over their house. I was so shocked and worried and asked what happened and the coworker’s wife nonchalantly states that “he got into a bag of brown sugar and coco powder this morning” and she made sure to emphasize how big of a mess it made.
As he’s vomiting they scold him for “ruining their carpet”
We help clean up the vomit and rush home. We called an emergency vet line and they told us if he doesn’t stop throwing up the next day to bring him in, which he luckily seemed to get better and was drinking enough fluids.
We get a text from them that day saying something along the lines of “Hey, your dog broke an expensive glass table we had outside that’s worth way more than $300, so if you could throw some money our way that would be great”
We asked how he broke it and they said that they tied our dog’s leash to the table to keep him outside and he pulled it down when trying to break away and it completely shattered.
We completely ignored the fact that they asked us for money and told them if we need to take our dog to the vet that we’d be sending them our vet bill.
AITA for not paying for their expensive table? I am 100% not okay that they tied my dog up outside as this is not the “exercise” I was talking about. I feel like we spent $400 to have these people starve our dogs, leave them in their cages for 2 weeks and poison them to top it off. I would have much rather spent $700 on proper care in a professional facility and will definitely be doing so in the future if we ever need to travel again.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 52,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 53,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
RIGHT
|
s3HoPJaluzel4sUC5Pbp8Hv9pje963Hs
|
a9ajip
|
{
"description": "looking at my sisters reddit comments",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for looking at my sisters reddit comments?
|
She gave me her reddit so I looked at her profile, she only has 3 posts so I looked at her comments. I noticed they're mostly downvoted so I asked her why and she got angry and told me "god, this is why I didn't want to give you my reddit".
AITA for looking at my sisters reddit comments??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
EHEhGKV43tga03GERmHyysTaaQk7KmXG
|
b8ln53
|
{
"description": "skipping my roommate's birthday party because she's been pissing me off lately",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I skip my roommate’s birthday party because she’s been pissing me off lately?
|
I’ve been living in this house for a couple of months with six total people. One of my roommates is a lot to handle—gets mad if anybody is talking about anything that doesn’t personally interest her (aka if anybody talks about anything other than romantic comedies), massively passive aggressive, late on her rent every month and gets mad if you tell her to pay her rent on time, etc. She’s one of those people who proudly says she’s “bitchy” like it’s some cutesy affectation instead of annoying.
She’s been really getting on my nerves this past couple of weeks, especially after she threw a fit because two people had the audacity to talk about Game of Thrones in her vicinity. It’s also her birthday this weekend and she wants all of the roommates to come to her birthday brunch because (per her own words) she’s lived in this city for years now and still hasn’t made any close friends (can’t imagine why).
I said I would go but I don’t actually want to spend $40+ to celebrate the life of somebody I can’t stand. WIBTA if I went back on my agreement to support her and go and found some excuse to do something else on that day instead?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
YMBP87N9LJNajxOTrOYZWibiqXi2txLP
|
b7gzm2
|
{
"description": "unwittingly revealing my cousin is adopted",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for unwittingly revealing my cousin is adopted?
|
Long story short, my dad has history of issues (addition based mostly) and has been distant from his relatives for a long time. After my parents divorce they stopped communicating with my sister and I (age 11 at the time) and I haven't really seen them since.
​
Fast forward to recently and my dad is in rehab again and wants to reconnect with his mom who is elderly. I found her info online and sent her a message asking if they would like to meet. They seemed happy and said yes. My dad and I went to a restaurant and met up with my grandmother, aunt, and cousin (who is 22). It was all going well catching up until we were saying goodbye and they kept talking about how important family/blood was. My grandmother made a snarky comment about my mother, who they dislike for leaving my dad for his issues, and "jokingly" implied I was too much like her. Literally talking about how key blood relationships were. Now it's important to note my aunt adopted my cousin years ago when she was a baby, and to my knowledge it was something she knew about. She was only a toddler when I last saw her, but she looks nothing like my aunt/uncle and my dad had told us and never said it was secret. So I commented back that Cousin seemed to be fine despite being adopted, and it was like a bomb went off. Apparently she was never told? My dad seemed surprised at the reaction too and they left angrily. Was I wrong here? I probably would never have mentioned it had she not gone on about how important blood ties were.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
rpnbCJ0pCiL0H29lRjYODV8mrriZnxGY
|
azb0sx
| null |
AITA about my boyfriend and my cat?
|
(Throwaway) i recently moved in with my boyfriend after getting kicked out. I dont have much, just about two outfits, two sketchbooks, a bag and my cat. The outfits ive received have been donated to me. My boyfriend makes posts online and often refers to my cat as his cat, since he lives here now, and i dont blame him, it makes sense.
But i dont like it. I dont have much, and it feels like things are being taken away from me again. I have so little and feel so terrible for taking things from other people, and it hurts to hear him say "oh, my cat did this". Does that make me an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
bD0Us7AX07HaxfO5DXkeZ95s0PZ9oarG
|
azsfpc
|
{
"description": "being mad at my friend for this",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being mad at my friend for this?
|
This happened about two months ago and no I'm not still mad about it but it keeps popping up in my mind that he still hasn't apologized and i don't plan on bringing it up to him but i just want other options.
So about two months ago i did something that i was really excited about and wanted to tell about it to a specific person now my friend and i were going to meet this person that day so i was planning on telling them then but my friend got there first so he told them before i got there.
I was pretty mad at him because i specifically told him i want to tell them but he refused to apologize and he said he didn't do anything wrong because he gave me full credit. And that was the thing that made really mad because he allways does this. He does something that makes someone upset and refuses to apologise even when the person is very clearly mad at him. So i just want to know AITA for being mad at him for doing this and not apologizing? (Again i am not still mad at him)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
n0WHW8waPMXOSMWnddxW4zKxqRKhp4rT
|
a4nv8u
|
{
"description": "being upset with my partner over gaming",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For being upset with my partner over gaming?
|
We've been together for 5 years, but for the past 3, we've been living somewhere where he has to keep his rig in our bedroom.
His hobbies are gaming and making games. I admire that he knows what he wants to do with his life and I love the passion he has for making games.
But since both of his hobbies involve the pc, he's on it almost every moment he's not at his day job. He takes his meals in front of it, the first thing he does upon waking is turning it on and if uninterrupted will remain there until he wants to sleep/bathroom/have an errand to run.
For background, I'm a terrible sleeper. I know that's on me for not getting my sleeping schedule in order. During the week I have work and school so I usually get in bed around 11, midnight at the latest and wake before 8 am, but on weekends I stay up to upwards of 2 am or so working on homework or trying to get some socialising in with our roommate before the new week begins.
Here's where I'm wondering: I've expressed to my partner on numerous occasions that when I'm trying to sleep or do homework in the bedroom that I would prefer if he's not in voice chat, so I can rest or get my work done. Sometimes he remembers not to do that, but more often than not I have to share this space with him and 3 or so of his friends on the call.
There's been numerous occasions where I've come in to the room and tried to talk to him about personal stuff, only for him to AFTER let me know that he was in a call. There's been a couple of times I realized I just unknowingly aired out my family business to aquiantances (friends to him) and they've even heard me a few times complaining to him about stuff like him being on the pc while I'm trying to do homework.
All of that is what really upsets me, not even taking in to account that he doesn't make time to spend with me without gaming. I've stopped trying to make time for him these past few months as it hurts when he can't just talk with me or do something mutual together (besides gaming).
Anytime I try to express to him how it makes me feel he seems regretful and will apologize, even promise to try not to do these things in the future, but it just doesn't pan out like that.
Last night I came in around 2 am and laid down. He was in a call, which I did my best to ignore. I couldn't so I asked to borrow his noise cancelling headphones to listen to some ASMR. I could still hear him chatting, laughing, and the clicking from the game. I felt rude to ask him to get off, as he was in the room already and I came in after so I just took my pillow and went downstairs and slept on the couch.
Am I the asshole for feeling like our room is just his gaming room now? Where we live he has to have it up there. I just want him to remember that it's my space too and that I don't get to relax in there any more. But I also feel like I'm being one of those gamer hater girlfriends. I just want to feel like we're in a romantic relationship and not just roomies who fuck and do favors for each other.
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HISTORICAL
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b3448x
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{
"description": "being angry about being denied an empty seat on the bus",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being angry about being denied an empty seat on the bus?
|
This one wasn't actually me, or even anyone I know, but an interaction I witnessed on the bus a couple days ago, that left me a bit bewildered.
The bus was packed with people standing in the aisle, yet there were still two empty seats in the back (one had a lady's purse in it, but I still count that as 'empty' as the lady had nothing else in her lap, but in any case the other seat was completely empty). One guy was trying to squeeze past enough people to see if there were any seats left, so he called to the back of the bus, "Hey, are there any seats?" Somebody answered, "No." A blatant lie, and the guy had managed to see past enough people to KNOW it was a lie. He was still trying to squeeze past people to get to the seats in question, some people were letting him through, but at least one person was obstinately blocking him. He gets pissed for being lied to and denied a seat that there was no reason that he shouldn't be able to sit in. If someone else wanted the seat, I'd understand that, but nobody else was sitting down in it either.
The thing that confuses me is that the entire bus seemed to condemn the guy as an asshole. Yeah, he did start yelling and being rude once he realized he wasn't getting the seat, but I think that's justified, right? One girl shouted, "It's just one seat!" as if seats should only be utilized if there are enough for everyone.
In any case, the guy eventually admitted defeat and stood for the rest of his trip. But, was he the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not being very excited about my Valentine's day gift",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for not being very excited about my Valentine’s Day gift?
|
We’ve been married 14 years.
We opened our Valentine’s Day cards and gifts before the kids went to school. The kids got chocolate or cookies, balloons, and cards. Hubby got chocolate, a card, and a 4 foot folding camp table (he has been complaining at every camp out for the last year that he needed a table). I got no card, two stuffed animals, and some chocolate.
I had been saying since before Christmas that since I had pierced my ears I would like some earrings. Nothing fancy. $10-$25 sterling silver earrings from Walmart would have been fabulous. Instead, he spent $30 on stuffed animals and candy.
I told him that I was slightly disappointed that they didn’t get me any earrings AND he didn’t get me a card. He said that they had spent enough money, that the kids picked out my stuffed llama, and that he thought I would like the stuffed sloth he got me since he calls it his “spirit animal.”
Since I spent $10 more on him than he spent on me, I went to WISH and bought $10 worth of earrings.
AITA for being disappointed in my Valentine’s Day gifts?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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b9t04p
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{
"description": "wanting to re adopt my twins back",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for wanting to re adopt my twins back?
|
So back story: I was 16 and fell pregnant with triplets with my boyfriend (who lives half away across the world) and struggled a lot. My mum basically looked after the triplets for most of the first few months of there lives. I found out I was pregnant with twins when the triplets were 7 months and before anyone jumps on me for being an irresponsible teen I was on the pill both times i fell pregnant (because of painful periods) and we used protection.
I decided I didn’t want to keep the twins because I was in a good place at the time and didn’t want to have to rely on my parents to help me with the twins again and am about to move out of my parents house and was happy with my life and had gotten over the dark time I was in after I had the triplets. I didn’t want to get an abortion so I started looking into adoption at birth. I found an amazing gay couple and we organised for them to be there for the birth and for them to basically take the twins as soon as they were out of the hospital. I met up with them a lot before the birth and they had bought all the correct baby equipment and seemed really prepared and excited for the twins. We also organised to have an open adoption - the triplets and I visited the family every week.
Seeing the twins every week made me wish I hadn’t given them up but they were in a loving family so I didn’t say anything to the couple. But after about 4 months the gay couple told me they weren’t as prepared for being parents as they thought they were (which surprised me a lot since I thought they were prepared and ready) and that they were actually thinking about giving the twins up for adoption to another family. So I jumped in and said that I would take them back because I was struggling with giving them up and that I would love to re adopt the twins if they were serious about giving the twins up for adoption. I had moved into my own house by this time and had a stable job and was in a healthy mindset so I thought it would be fine.
The couple basically said they were the legal guardians of the twins (they are) and that they have complete control over the twins (they do) and there not giving their twins up to some asshole who gave up her own kids. Which is true. But I don’t think it’s fair and that even though they do have full legal guardianship of the twins and they get to decide who they go to I do think I should be the first choice because I now the twins (at least a little bit, because of our weekly visits).
So am I the asshole?
TLDR; gave my twins up for adoption at birth but the couple who adopted them is giving them up for adoption again and I would like to re adopt them but the couple doesn’t want to give me the twins
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "being angry and disappointed about my girlfriend's gift for our anniversary",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for being angry and disappointed about my girlfriend's gift for our anniversary?
|
So, sorry if the post will be long, but you need a little backstory.
Tomorrow me and my girlfriend will celebrate our first anniversary. That means gifts, or at least for us it is that way. Unfortunately I am really picky when it comes to receiving gifts, whereas my girlfriend is more reasonable. For what concerns the giving portion, I am really good at it ( at least for what concerns my presents to her ) while she's quite terrible. This situation never bothered me, since we love each other and our relationship is really strong, but I always joked with her on how bad she is at picking gifts for me. Furthermore, she said multiple times that she wants to improve at this, since she knows that it's not one of her strong points.
Now, for my birthday in October she gave me a really cool winter jacket. Good and all, but my ex girlfriend gave me an almost identical jacket the year prior. No big deal, I love me some jackets. For Christmas, I specifically asked for a particular book, which I received. I bought her some boots that she wanted. After that, during the holidays I did what every picky asshole like myself would do, which is hinting at possible gifts that I wanted. It was stuff like "wow I really need an Hard Drive" or "jeez I could use some bag for my arcade stick" etc. On a side note, just two weeks ago I wanted to buy a trench coat, and I asked her for advice, but I ultimately didn't go through with it.
And now our anniversary. I bought her a really hard to find ticket for a concert held on a beach this summer by her favorite singer. She went ballistic when I gave it to her, and I was super happy. Just an hour ago she told me what she bought me: a trench coat. Not the kinda expensive one I wanted to buy for myself these holidays, just a trench coat. Also, this is just a fresh coat of paint on the birthday gift. Same piece of clothing! She told me that she initially planned on buying me a game that I wanted, but she didn't since she is planning on giving me one when I graduate, and thought that two videogames were too unoriginal (!!!). Then, she wanted to buy me the arcade stick bag, but since she started looking for my gift a few days ago, she was worried that it might not arrive on time.
Look, I know that I should be grateful that our relationship is going well and that she loves me, and that I should be happy that I received a gift in the first place, but I cannot help but feel extremely disappointed at her lack of effort, in spite of how much she told me that she wanted to get better at picking gifts, and despite knowing me this well. So, judge my materialistic ass.
Also, sorry if the post is low quality, it's my first here.
​
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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auq6ws
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{
"description": "not wanting to wear a suit jacket to my brother's wedding before his fiancé dies",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 55
}
|
AITA for not wanting to wear a suit jacket to my brother’s wedding before his fiancé dies?
|
My brother is getting married to his fiancé, who has terminal brain cancer. He’s already been married once and is freshly divorced (privately I think he’s getting the marriage purely because she’s dying but I wouldn’t dream of saying that to anybody involved).
They’re planning for a summer wedding, and my problem is that I don’t want to wear a full suit for a summer wedding. I’d be too hot to be comfortable. I’ve said I’m happy to attend in formal attire, *excluding a jacket*, and my brother maintains that it’s either show up in a full suit or don’t show up at all.
I’m not sure what to do. I want to go to the wedding because it’s a day off school and there’d be a reception, but I don’t want to wear a suit jacket.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
cGug3CGflCUVyatjBqbcRUHlchXokXM1
|
b8nlgu
|
{
"description": "not letting a friend smoke in my car",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting a friend smoke in my car?
|
Last weekend I spent a few days in the mountains with my friends. We arranged to meet in a certain place and leave all with the same car to spare money and I offered to drive. A friend of mine, let’s call her Emily, was really upset because her dad’s car (she still lives with her parents and hasn’t got her own car, so even if it belongs to her dad, she drives it as well) was damaged just a few minutes before we met. As we met we went to buy some things we needed for the trip and for a bit it seemed as she was calm.
Later while I was driving Emily asked me to stop along the way because she said she was nervous and she really needed to have a smoke, my two other friends who were with us answered that she could smoke once we arrived (it’s a 20 minutes drive) and she just didn’t answer.
A few minutes later Emily asked me if she could smoke in my car promising she would keep the cigarette out the window, I said no since I’m trying to quit smoking (one week smoking free today btw) and I didn’t want my car to smell bad. She answered that I used to smoke in my car and it wasn’t fair forbidding her to do the same, I just sighed loudly to let her now she was annoying me and she stopped talking for the rest of the trip.
Later that day more friends arrived and I don’t remember how, we began talking about what happened in the car, one of them (Margaret) told me I was being a hypocrite for not letting my friend smoke in my car since I used to do the same (it happened like three times because I REALLY needed it), and the thing that I was trying to quit smoking is not a valid excuse because not much later I would have seen them smoking, and it would have been the same as letting Emily smoke in my car.
I was sure I hadn’t done anything wrong since I had that conversation with Margaret, but she made me feel like I failed in helping a friend in need, so AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
fqBY0N6DnsfCuQwfJVFKMrZsqAKuMukw
|
b4sysw
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{
"description": "keeping a video of somebody up on youtube",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for keeping a video of somebody up on youtube?
|
A while ago I went to a concert and in the pre-sound check for VIP's a fan was called up and played the guitar while the singer sung. He contacted me after and was very understanding and just asked me to link his channel in which I did. Now my video has about 400,000 views while his as about 10,000. He is now contacting me asking to take it down so his can get more views. Obviously I enjoy getting these views, and it is good for the channel. He then started to get a little aggressive when i told him I want to keep it up.
AITA?
is it even legal to keep it up?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aeci0w
|
{
"description": "not wanting to talk about where I went to school",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to talk about where I went to school?
|
My friend wants to know where I went to school. I went to a private school for 6 years because I didn’t wanna go through the hell of public school. But I can’t tell anyone this, because people judge private schoolers. So she asked me where I went to school, and I told her I don’t like talking about it, but she will not let up. AITA for not wanting to talk about it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
oy2tdgVeMn3X9D81rIRN4NeDv6M0u6qR
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amcfzs
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{
"description": "telling my sister Im not going to put my phone on vibrate at work",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my sister im not going to put my phone on vibrate at work.
|
Tdlr: at bottom. It's a bit of a long post. Let's start you off with some background. I work in customer service and at my job the rules for cellphones are if they are on you then they have to be on silent and stay in your pocket. I have been at this job for three years and have never had a problem with my phone being on silent until today. My sister tried to get into contact with me by texting me 17 times none of which I heard because my phone was on silent. (She was texting so I could cancel a dentist appointment she had made because she is currently out of the country and can't do it herself.) Two hours later I go on break and see all the messages and I tell my sister " im sorry I was at work I missed your texts." This is when shit hits the fan.
My sister tells me that I should always have my phone on vibrate, and that what happened if she was kidnapped.
I respond with there is nothing I can do of you are getting kidnapped because even if you where back in the country we live 6 hours from each other. I then tell her the rules of my work and about how the only way I can have my cellphone on me is because it's on silent.
This doesn't help. She insists I am putting work above family. And telling me that I am an uncaring asshole. I tell her that I can't put it on vibrate it will bother customer's, distract me and it goes against the coporate rules of cellphone. She said that if I can't do it then I should just quit because otherwise I would be putting my job above my family. After that I haven't responded because I don't know how to.
tblr: my phone was on silent at work. I missed 17 text messages from my sister in a span of about 2 hours. Sister accuses me of being an uncaring asshole and putting work above family because I refuse to put my phone on vibrate because that goes against the rules at work. Sister tells me to quit because I am choosing work over family.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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adf81i
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{
"description": "calling their religious beliefs ridiculous",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for calling their religious beliefs ridiculous?
|
This probably gonna be a long one, sorry in advance.
I have a friend who I used to be close to when we were younger. Ever since, he has progressively gotten worse with his problems. He has a pretty bad drug problem and uses marijuana so much that it has become a crutch. (I don’t mind casual smoking but it becomes harmful when it gets to a point)
He has always tried to come visit to be with my family and I have had a hard time saying no because there is no nice way to do it. Most times, he will just book flights with out making sure its ok and then we are stuck with him. Every year, however, I see him over the summer and he always seems to be a different person. He’s one of those people that has never found their own true personality and is often fake in his interactions with others.
This year, he has become almost obsessive about his “spirituality”. He’s been here for only a few days and so far its been all he can talk about. The strangest thing being I saw him only a few months ago and he told me he had completely stopped believing in god. Now, he is a very, very serious christian. It doesn’t help that my whole family is pretty much atheist.
To be clear, it’s not the christianity part that bothers me. I have christian friends and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. However, it’s annoying when you feel like someone is constantly trying to push their religious beliefs on you and your whole family.
But thats not it. I don’t think he’s really christian once he went into detail about it (unsolicited). His ideas he has aren’t any type of christian i have ever heard of before. It started at first when he told me that god had spoke to him and given him a prophecy. At first I thought he was joking but he read his entire prophecy to me about all kinds of strange things that I couldn’t follow. He was saying that WW3 was going to happen and that Israel and America would rise to be world superpowers? Also something about how we would have a world government and we would get our energy from Venus.
Not only that, but he also told one of my relatives that he has a girl inside his head talking to him. The girl was talking to him at that moment and that he wasn’t supposed to be telling anyone this.
He constantly preaches about how he believes in 3 different types of “eyes” (like a third eye). He drew a whole diagram of them for me and explained how god was always talking to him and giving him definitive answers. At first, I tried to discuss with him about it and try to be open minded. The longer we talked, however, I couldn’t keep my cool as he always would argue back that Jesus was in his heart and helping him to try to be a better person. He always used that argument regardless of what point I was trying to argue.
Also he said he would believe in this forever, he could now get vibes from others (literally just called empathy every one has it), and that doing drugs lets him see more. I couldn’t take it anymore and I started to call him ridiculous and obsessive. I told him it made absolutely no sense for god to tell him a prophecy. To be blunt, he wasn’t happy I said any of that and said I was making fun of his religious beliefs.
So am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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aJv1nWf3cTi39Jt4NcEQ5mynrWyPl4oT
|
aeb6vd
|
{
"description": "\"copying\" my friend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for "copying" my friend?
|
This happened a very long time ago, but the "friend" is still mad about it. Sorry for the cluster fuck of a story, I can't remember it well as it happened years ago.
Back in middle school I had this friend (we'll call him Matt) and he is interested in dubstep. Back then I was listening to pop songs and etc. Sometimes Matt would email me some dubstep songs which he liked or showed me during school. After Matt sent me some of these songs I started also getting into dubstep thanks to Matt. One time during sports we had to run laps around the school, Matt was able to run for a long time without stopping so I asked how he did it (I can't remember how he did it but I recall thinking it was stupid and I didn't use the technique.) The next day where we had to run the same lap, I also managed to run without stopping. After the laps, Matt thought I was using his technique when I didn't and got very unhappy. Another time which something like this happened is during art, where I didn't have any ideas of what to draw and noticed Matt had a great drawing so I asked if I can use Matt's idea which he responded Yes.
But the more the I started listening to more and more dubstep, the more he was unhappy. He would also got made about me copying his art idea and his technique. Because of this, he got ALL his friends (some of which are my friends) to turn on me, to the point where if I asked them questions none of them would respond to me and they would ask me questions like "why did you copy Matt?"
I sent him an email later to which he would call me out for playing the same video game as him and said stuff like "yeah I got that game first why would you copy me" and called me out for everything in the first paragraph. The next day when I sent the email he would show everyone in the class and his friends the shit I wrote in the email, some didn't care, some cared and turned against me. This kept going on where he would talk shit about everything I do to all his friends who turned their backs on me.
1 year goes back and we're both in highschool, he still wouldn't let go about what happened in middle school. Everytime I talk to him he would just ignore or talk to me in a angry accent.
Sorry for the cluster fuck of a story. It happened a long time ago and I can't remember it well enough.
AITA for "copying" Matt?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
b0f363
|
{
"description": "demanding more money for extra work",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for demanding more money for extra work?
|
I'm in second year of a technical university and I started giving private lessons for high school students and highschool entrance exams (math, German, French, accounting, java programming and law). I took a teaching class at another uni for a while to improve my teaching skills. I usually get only good feedback from parents/students.
Now this one first year HS student I'm teaching is struggling quite a bit in maths (barely passed first semester, now at least we got him up to a grade that he can compensate with other subjects). What I've noticed is that he seems to have trouble writing down the theory the teacher writes on the screen during class (large gaps where the theory would go in the math book). Last week I met his parents and when I told them, they asked me to write a summary and help him get more interested in maths.
For me, this goes beyond what's normal. I'm just a student and not a real teacher. I told them they'd have to get help somewhere else, but that I could do the summary for an additional one time payment (though I told them I didn't think it would be very helpful). I was then asked to do it for free since it was "part of normal lesson preparation." I told them they could forget that, I don't like to give up my free time for nothing in return. Got called egoistic and greedy for that. AITA for thinking they should pay me more if I have to spend additional time?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
fr0MrN7Ipw4e19w1vZHedwnjdXEWMDyA
|
aavi5y
|
{
"description": "not giving a seat to a pregnant woman on a crowded bus with 8-10 people standing",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving a seat to a pregnant woman on a crowded bus with 8-10 people standing
|
Hi first time posting here. Hope i’m not the AHole
So just another casual day at the bus with a lot people standing( i live in a third-world country where buses are always crowded).
So on my mid way to trip there’s this woman who got in the bus and stand as there’s no seat to sit. I was looking down as I was tired and i saw her stomach bulging. I was almost gonna stand up and give her the seat but the problem was that my mind doubted in a split second. Is she pregnant or is she just fat or full? Her stomach somehow looked like about 8-12 weeks old im just guessing. I really cant tell. So in the end I looked down for half an hour analyzing wheter she was pregnant or what. I was so confused and guilt was killing me inside if she was indeed pregnant. Half an hour passed I got to my destination point and she did not get my seat as another man came in and sat fast. I felt so sorry and man guilt is still on me.
So AITA for not letting her have the seat?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
hWZg8K7WM45Vp8O8siawX6Ac4HFvyHt5
|
b2avnz
|
{
"description": "wanting to take a break from a friendship without telling anyone about it",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to take a break from a friendship without telling anyone about it?
|
First off, this is less of a "Am I the asshole" and more of a "would I be an asshole if."
For a bit of context, I have depression, and I have anxiety. I started seeing a therapist about four weeks ago, and started medications about two weeks ago. Lately it has gotten bad enough to where I cannot find any joy in anything I do, no matter how much I used to love doing it.
​
I have a group of friends who I have been frequently hanging out with lately, but every time we're with each other I cannot enjoy myself; every time I smile with them it's because I don't want to be rude. Because of this, I am extremely boring. They are very great, smart people and I do not want them to think of me as the boring person I have been lately. I have thought about taking a break from hanging out with them so I can focus on my mental health and hopefully return to the more fun person I was before
​
The reason I don't want to disclose to them that I am (potentially) taking a break from spending time with them is because I feel like they've had enough of me and my depression. I know that sounds absurd but every time we hang out the person who I am closet to (she also has depression) notices how off I am and checks up on me. And while that's well and good I do not like how responsible she potentially feels for me. I don't want to constantly lean on her as a crutch because I know very well that her life is no easier than mine and it isn't fair for her to have to spend so much time and energy on me.
​
All I want to do is spend some time alone to work on myself without having to worry about people worrying about me.
​
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
ZJnC2hw9XoLI6QJDYKWGRZORV8t6N2H1
|
a8cynu
|
{
"description": "making a coworker feel so uncomfortable, he quit his job",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for making a coworker feel so uncomfortable, he quit his job?
|
A while ago I was moving a cart at work across a hallway to a storage room, and at one point had to open a swing door. I opened it, grabbed the cart and backed in through the door, with my face away from the door (to check equipment on the cart) and bumped with my back into a coworker.
This is not a close colleague, but definitely someone I had spoken to a few times before. I said something like 'oops', I briefly smiled (and I believe he did too) and continued my way.
Skip forward a few months, and I overhear that said coworker talked to his boss after the bump, and quit his job. Apparently he had a form of mysophobia, and us touching for a brief moment made him feel extremely uncomfortable and couldn't deal with it.
Of course now I feel extremely bad and wish I did something different. am I an asshole here for not checking on the person after briefly touching him by accident? Should i've understand better that touch is not something light and requires serious apologies if it happened?
I can't let it go especially since I found out after this guy already quit and have no way to apologize now.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
EhzVrzcj6LsD7nPeHePKAB3Bs2iFQFnB
|
askrwq
|
{
"description": "not getting cheap food when others pay for my meal",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA Not getting cheap food when others pay for my meal.
|
So this isn’t so much a story more of a philosophy that a lot of people have called me an asshole for. So anytime a friend or anyone buys me food, I get what I want, I get the same thing I’d get if I was paying for myself. I don’t get more than I need, I don’t get more than I’d normally eat. Whenever I pay for my friends I encourage them to get what they would normally get. Get what they want, and not get less because someone else is paying. So am I an asshole for not getting cheaper food when someone else pays? Especially when I expect, and encourage them to do the same thing I do and not get cheaper food?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 3
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
osKWL506c0gQNZIrIjCvTvaNF4ig0zcB
|
b9g1qt
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be there when my GF tries MDMA",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be there when my GF tries MDMA?
|
So a little context to start with me (24M) and my GF (23F) have been together for just under a year. We met on tinder but really hit it off in our first date so started to see each other pretty regularly for a couple of months before deciding to commit to a relationship. At the time we lived pretty close to each other (about a 20 minute drive) so we would meet up 2-3 times a week for dates and then hangout over each others houses on the weekends.
I’ve had a full time job since I left uni at 21 and when we first met my GF was working part time and thinking about going back to uni for her masters, as of September last year she decided to take the plunge and moved to a city 2 and a half hours away for the year to finally get her masters. So for the past 7 months I’ve been travelling down to see her pretty much every other weekend, we’ve had a couple of bumps along the way like any relationship would doing the whole long distance thing.
So now down to what happened, last Friday I was driving down to see her after a full day In work, I hit a bunch of traffic (2 and a half hours in to what ended up being a four hour drive) and was tired so I stopped to grab an energy drink. I gave her a call just to let her know I would be a bit later than expected and the conversation was pretty normal until she mentions she wants to go out clubbing and is thinking of trying MDMA. So we’re pretty much the same level when it comes to drug use we’ve only ever smoked weed once or twice, so it struck me as a bit of a surprise and I panicked a bit and probably overreacted saying if she did it I didn’t want to be there because I’m not comfortable being there while she takes pills that we have no idea what’s in them or where they came from.
She said it was fine she wouldn’t take them and I continued driving and eventually got there but things were really off when I got there and preceded to be for all of Friday night and Saturday morning. I was a bit annoyed because she was barely speaking to me and I could tell something was wrong so I confronted her about how awkward things felt and she flipped out about how she doesn’t think she can go out and have a good time with her friends when I’m there. I was hurt because I only get to see her for 2 days every two weeks and she has all the time in between to spend with her friends. So AITA for not wanting to go out clubbing so she can take MDMA with her friends?
TLDR: I only see my girlfriend every other weekend and she wants to go out clubbing and take MDMA on the weekend I come to spend time with her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
RET3L2fGt4msmkpbGMTpQtvQ78vV7PhK
|
ba3q9j
|
{
"description": "(accidentally) humblebragging to my less wealthy friends",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for (accidentally) humblebragging to my less wealthy friends
|
So I was very fortunate to be born to wealthy parents, who do business in west Africa. I thusly go to a very expensive private school. Some of my friend's parents are not so rich (although by most standards still wealthy), and some can go as the companies that their parents work for pays their tuition ($ 32k). Now when somebody brings the price of something up, I will sometimes say that "oh, that isn't that expensive", forgetting who I'm talking to. Now recently a friend of mine (who is also rich, but less so) brought up the Maserati that his dad had just bought him for around 60k, and I said "Oh, that's a steal!". Later another friend (referencing this incident said that I was an a-hole and a douchebag. So reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
5NdaPOIZU0mSyY6UxR5ZKTQ4csfMvwN0
|
b890wq
|
{
"description": "accusing an up and coming business of capitalizing off of another's hardships",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for accusing an up and coming business of capitalizing off of another’s hardships.
|
Around a month-and-a-half ago, our local rock gym was forced out of their location. They didn’t go out of business, but we’re essentially evicted from they building they were in for 20+ years so a developer could build some apartments and restaurants. They have made it clear that they are not going out of business, but finding a new location for a whole new gym will definitely take some time and effort.
Yesterday I received a text from a friend of mine to an Instagram page of a gym south of ours is setting up a new gym in our local scene. In this post they imply that the local gym that was evicted is now closed for good, and that they were coming to “fill the void”. This really rubbed me the wrong way as the gym that was originally here has made it clear that they are working on getting set up in a new location. I’m not opposed to two coexisting gyms supporting the area. We have had multiple surf and skate shops coexist and support one another.
I left an anonymous comment on their Instagram post saying that they should change their language. I felt that implying that the other gym is gone for good will spread false information about the situation. I’ve felt that climbing should always be about support and community, and their phrasing seemed the complete opposite of that. AITA?
I can provide screenshots for further context.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
F3DQaoe6Knw1K8gtaqrUFZEuSOvDL3ur
|
a8ilo5
|
{
"description": "not deleting nude photos of a girl I legally own the rights to until she paid me back for all the rent she was supposed to pay",
"pronormative_score": 166,
"contranormative_score": 133
}
|
AITA for not deleting nude photos of a girl I legally own the rights to until she paid me back for all the rent she was supposed to pay.
|
To sum up the entire story as quickly as possible. I worked for a photography company for a while. During this time I met a girl (we'll call B) and we started dating.
B and I took a bunch of nude photos of her several times throughout our relationship. She paid me for these photos and signed the rats to me. Eventually we moved into an apartment together and both signed the lease.
However she started inviting her friends who would trash the place and I had to put my foot down and tell her they were not welcome if they would not clean anything and she decided she wouldn't pay rent. Leaving me with almost too much to pay.
She left and I continue paying as I did not want to get kicked out. After the year long lease ends, I move elsewhere.
Two years later B messages me out of the blue, demanding I delete all the photos I took of her. Normally I would but not after how she did me. So I told her that she signed a waiver giving me the rights to the photos, and even if she didn't, courts often side with photographers on the rights of the photos.
She then text me saying she would accuse me of manipulating her and being abusive (yes, she texted me stating me that she would lie. I already gave them to the local law enforcement).
I told her that I would not be threatened and if she wanted to try that, I will post the texts online and I dug up the Facebook messages she sent telling me that I could do whatever I wanted with the photos and confirming that she paid me to take them and knew I owned the rights.
I basically say it since she was acting like that, I would give her an ultimatum. If she really wanted the photos gone, I wanted every cent she told me in rent. And I said that if she accused me of being abusive, I would post her messages and sue her for slander.
Never heard back from her until 2 months later when her friend asked me to meet her and gave me the money from B. True to my word I deleted the photos in front of her and she told B.
This story is so bizarre that I'm pretty sure I fucked up one way or another. So I figured I would share it here.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 163,
"EVERYBODY": 62,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 133
}
|
RIGHT
|
vCX1ABdp9IUBeQEts3DaY6c23YfWjeON
|
ayyiy9
| null |
AITA - Refused to give my twin a lift to the train station
|
I'm a lurker of this subreddit and if it wasn't for one detail I wouldn't think that I'm the asshole in this situation.
​
Details: I'm a twin (18) living in Australia with me mum and twin. I got my P's just a few weeks ago, my sister on the other hand has done zero effort to get her license (for non aussies - in my state you have your learner license for min 2 years and need a total of 120 hours driving time). She only has her learner license for ID purposes. I've made a huge effort to get my license and she refuses to even though she has the same grandparents that helped me (she hates them for a stupid reason) and our cousin has offered help.
​
Now when I bought my car a couple years ago I paid $7000 and my sis paid $2000. This part has me stumped. If she didn't pay for any of it I wouldn't be asking if AITA. Mum says since she's paid for the car that I should give her rides everywhere (even to bloody Melbourne which is 2 hours away), and my car is no where near fuel efficient, apparently TSI = turbocharged supercharged yay! So I go up a hill and lose quater of a tank. Not only that the tank is massive and takes a solid $75 to fill unless I go to Shell which I'd rather not.
​
She regularly goes to Melbourne every 2nd weekend and takes the train. Normally she just walks there but today she asked for a lift and I said no because I didn't want to. I love driving but I'd rather not when I don't feel like it. She even tried to sweeten me in to it as I went to hang out the washing and she started to help but when I said nah she just left.
It's currently not hot here, a cool breeze and there isn't ash falling from the sky today so it's not gonna harm her to walk 30 minutes to the station.
​
Am I the asshole for refusing to give my sister a lift to the train station?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"OTHER": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
SsqUPq8sifmU4Tg9IY17kHRVOdVe8kpQ
|
b5lrep
|
{
"description": "wanting my bf to side with me against his friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for wanting my BF to side with me against his friend?
|
This will be a long one. Sorry for any mistakes, I'm on mobile and not a native. This happened on Friday.
T= team mate
G= our friend (more her friend)
F = bf's friend
BF = boyfriend
Me= me
Let me start by saying F is (was?) a good friend of mine, too. At 6 am, I noticed that we were missing an important part of a drawing project due later. I hadn't noticed before.
I texted F and she got mad that I didn't tell her sooner. I figured she wouldn't fix it (school lends us PCs & wacoms, and we had two free periods so there shouldn't have been an issue), so I did a quick painting over my template (she was supposed to follow it so this wouldn't happen). I didn't use F's drawing bc I thought it would be rude to change it.
Fastforward to 30 minutes before the class, we're sitting in a classroom. G and other 2 students were there. I showed F what I had done in those 2 periods. Once again, F brought up that it was my fault for answering so late. I told her "you had the time and means". F got mad and continued talking loudly. Then, F got angry at T over the gc for not submitting the image to the teacher. No one had told T to send it, but we all assumed he was going to. I told F something like "you can't expect T to send the image when you didn't even send it to him through e-mail. You sent a low-resolution jpg in the gc."
She got louder "No one told me to send it. How was I supposed to know?" I thought this was hypocritical of her and told her "You already know the gc sends low-quality images. No one should have to tell you, you're not a little girl-"
F cut me off, shouting: WELL, YES, I AM A LITTLE GIRL
G & I: no, you're in university-
F: I HAVE THE MIND OF A LITTLE GIRL, YOU SHOULD TELL ME THINGS AS IF I WAS A LITTLE GIRL
G: no, you're not, and- Me: Ok, don't interrupt- (at the same time)
F: I'LL INTERRUPT ALL I WANT BC YOU'RE BLAMING ME FOR THINGS I DIDN'T DO AND NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT. YOU'RE ANGRY AT ME FOR THINGS THAT ARE NOT MY FAULT
She stormed off. I sent T my image and told him "make both versions and send them, pls" He did & we went to class.
F entered the class & didn't look at me. We presented. The class agreed her drawing was prettier but mine fulfilled the checklist. I talked to my teacher and my bff and both told me to cut ties after the project was done.
Then I told my BF. He defended F & said "Please understand F, she's having a hard time. Her mental health is bad. I know this doesn't excuse her but maybe it was a bad moment. I think you should just talk to her". This hurt me a lot as I have mental health issues, too.
I have F's texts to BF if anyone wants her side on this.
AITA for not wanting to apologize? And most importantly, Would I Be TA for asking my BF to side with me on this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
iTEFl7qfWkU88dPPs5xTez4mjMZVdjaV
|
ahi6pi
|
{
"description": "asking my mom to take her feet off my car dashboard",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my mom to take her feet off my car dashboard.
|
We are currently waiting to pick up my little sister. My mom decided as we waited to put her feet on the dashboard of my car. I told her to put it down because I think it is gross she is placing her feet there. But she keeps claiming that she will be uncomfortable. I reminded her that whenever I am in her car, that I never placed my feet on her dashboard even if I am waiting. Now she is mad at me...
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
4dVTfltIqXnxvnz0TyGLovhNR8x2or45
|
acygfv
|
{
"description": "trying to buy an item with $100 in coins",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 27
}
|
AITA for trying to buy an item with $100 in coins?
|
I counted up my piggy banks today. It took me about half an hour and it came out to just over $100.
It's Saturday so my bank isn't open so I decided to go to a local head shop and try and get a new bong.
(DISCLAIMER: many of you may think im an asshole stoner, being a total chump for doing this but I'll just say it's legal some places and I thoroughly counted the coins twice while not under any kind of influence. I counted using a scale the first time and manually the second so I'm positive of the value.)
I digress. Money is money and I managed to double count in about 30 minutes, yet the cashier called me an asshole and told me to beat it as soon as I asked if they'd accept payment in coins.
$100 is nothing to sneeze at for a small time glass store and I'm honestly surprised they wouldn't take it, and the dude behind the counter was very rude about it.
So, am I the asshole for trying to spend a bunch of money in change?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 26,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 27
}
|
WRONG
|
Ak23K3aPgJfiBClVkEvtQCu70mBShIz7
|
b5c7nl
|
{
"description": "not being too quick or skilled at my job",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not being too quick or skilled at my job?
|
Hello. Im 16 and have been at my Subway job for only 3 weeks, part time. Last and this week have been my spring break from school, so ive been in during daytime shifts to make some extra cash.
My general manager (H) has been the only person working with me while on spring break. He’s almost 50 years old, and pretty skilled at running a subway. His accent is thick and his English is a little broken though, so there’s a bit of a barrier between us.
So, H has been complaining to me about a number of things about my performance the last day or two. He complains that he’s “tired” of having to interrupt his GM duties to help me get sandwiches made quick enough, or to receive customers. He also tells me that i move too slow and take too long to get ready to start a sandwich.
Now, let me remind you, ive been there for 3 weeks; im still in training. I take maybe 30 seconds or so to get my hands washed and get plastic gloves on them (our paper towel is awful quality.) While i do so, im still taking the order and talking to the customer, apologizing for the wait. They’re often just fine with it. H isn’t though- sometimes he’ll move me away and excuse me for being in training, even if there’s just a person or two there.
The sandwiches follow a specific formula and im still trying to remember them all, so sometimes i have to glance at the charts. It takes two seconds and then i get to work. There are also certain things sometimes that only apply to specific sandwiches, some of which I’ve only seen once since starting to learn the meat side. If i glance at the chart, he comes out and reads it to me after im halfway through, then tries sometimes to take over what im doing.
Also, I haven’t been taught how to ring out a customer yet. H complains that he has to stop doing what he’s doing to do so, yet when I ask him to teach me about that, he gets angry. I can’t be allowed to do my job if im not being taught.
He’ll also send me to do things in the back and then get mad when I need a few extra seconds to stop what im doing and get up there.
Anyway, AITA or is he asking too much from me right now, as a trainee?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
EStwMYoTuRPcfaxyB3aTtuROWGGtAqIh
|
ba7waf
|
{
"description": "making a dumb joke as a child",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for making a dumb joke as a child?
|
Not too long but still a TL;DR at the end for the inpatient readers
C = Cousin
Rf1= random friend 1
Rf2 = random friend 2
Me = me
First of all I'm on mobile, its my first time posting and English isn't my first language. So go easy on me.
A couple of years ago it was my cousins birthday. I was around 9 at the time and we were all having fun. The whole family was invited and some of his friends of school. Eventhough it was he was turning 9, his mental age was around 5. Both he and I were sitting around a table with Rf1 and Rf2. We were having conversation, making jokes, etc. At some point I made some weird spastic movement for no reason, Rf1 asks laughing "why did you do that?" I replied jokingly "cause I'm autistic." Having done this before in a friend group and it got a couple of laughs. Then everybody went silent and there was an awkward silence for about 5 seconds. Then C replies "I am autistic" having realised my mistake I just sat there silent for another few seconds. Then I just mumbled "sorry" and walked away.
The worst part is I knew he was autistic because it came up in a conversation between my mom and aunt I overheard. I just wasn't thinking about it at the time. Did I handle the situation correctly. Probably not, but as a 9 year old what was I supposed to do?
TL;DR I pretended to be autistic as a joke in front of my autistic cousin on his B-day
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
TNOlKILld49BMd4KPrUYL0lC4Mob0FAo
|
ag1knx
|
{
"description": "exposing my cheating ex in work",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For exposing my cheating ex in work?
|
So a bit of backstory. My ex and i work together and i noticed she had been chatting to another guy in work quite often. She assured me that this guy was just a friend and there was nothing going on. This guy is married and has a young child.
Fast forward a couple of months, my ex and i had been on holiday to Egypt where my ex was really off the whole time and at points refused to speak to me or hang out with me. She was busy messaging another guy who she used to be in a relationship sending lots of pictures and even a bikini photo showing a decent amount of boobage.
I was understandably (imo) annoyed about this and we had a little argument over it.
We get back from holiday and back to work and I notice she's really off with me. We'd sit in her car on our lunch breaks together and would watch tv shows or just chill. One day she got out early and went to sit in the car, I got off a little later and when I got to the car she was hiding her phone screen away from where I might be able to see it and messaging someone rapidly.
I pick up the phone and I see she's snapchatted the guy she told me was just a friend and she'd logged out of it. Presumably just incase I looked. I only got a glance to see that she'd sent him a chat message.
A couple.of days or so later in early december December after worrying that something was going on I was in our bedroom and she'd left her phone. I saw she had another chat from him. So being the curious boyfriend and feeling as anxious about it as I was I gave in and checked.
She'd been sexting the guy telling him what she wanted him to do to her and he'd sent a picture of his member. I confront her, do the usual how long has it gone on for etc. She admits she's sent a picture of her boobs to him and that he was wanting him to meet up with her and she'd been chatting to him like this for 2 weeks.
Early January we broke up, I told my close friends what had happened and it turns out another one of my friends that I don't really speak to had mentioned it to another colleague from work, whom I then had to explain it to.
Ex didn't turn up for work and told her manager she was having a "bad day" then that was it. So I feel a little bad that she felt (I presume) too ashamed to come into work, but a part of me is happy not to have to keep it to myself and pretend like nothing happened.
I expect a fair judgement from all you lovely people.
Thanks.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
eQjXIacRBpNQiUX2pFXyEvYTERZiklCw
|
b7uyy5
|
{
"description": "censoring the n-word in a Snapchat post",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For censoring the n-word in a Snapchat post?
|
First time poster, on a throwaway because I don’t know how controversial this might be. I’m also on mobile So I apologize if anything is incorrect.
I need to start with some context so apologies in advance if it’s a tad bit lengthy.
On Snapchat today I posted a story about a neighbor who threatened and used racial slurs towards two children I was babysitting at the time for riding their bikes too close to their house (we live on a very small dead end road right next to a main road so I usually let them ride their bikes up and down the street, because no one ever comes up here)
the kids were on the public road but the neighbors came out and chased the children down the road calling them slurs and threatening them with a shovel. The family later moved away because they did not feel safe because where I live there is only older white married couples.
I posted about this on Snapchat today in a text post on my story where I did put the n word in asterisks only leaving the first and last letter so you could see what it meant. I DID NOT type the n word out. (I’m a teenaged white girl for context)
A girl I’ve never met messaged me and this happened
Girl:L
Me:Me
L: Are you white or black
Me: I’m white, why
L: then you should never use the n word, not even if you censor it
Me: I never meant to be racist. I just put what my neighbor said for context
L: It doesn’t matter, that’s racist even if you censor it
I blocked her, because honestly I was confused because I didn’t think that was racist at all. I’ve never done anything racist in my life and I’m afraid if even censoring the n word crosses a line.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
WDwl7BDgWJRWUT4X5cphZPATjvr8e2Zq
|
abt3yh
|
{
"description": "not caring if this girl is alive or dead anymore",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not caring if this girl is alive or dead anymore?
|
Ok so basically some back story is me and this girl used to date somewhere around the begining of the year and I had to break up because I needed to prioritize my studies than anything ,but she didn't want to accept it. After a few months pass by we start talking for a few. During our conversation i considered her as friends and nothing more. She would then start to call me babe and names like that. I thought of it as a friendly thing and nothing more. She then starts to post about us and starts telling people that we were in a relationship the problem was that I wasn't aware of this at all. Later on when I find out that people are telling her that I want to get back with her (which I did not) I tell her I'm sorry but I cannot be in a relationship becuase of alot of factors. The factors being that im not in a stable mental condition extremely stressed and trying my best to improve my grades. I told her all this because she wouldn't leave me while I was trying to study for my finals (and all of it is true). The next day I get a text message from her best friend saying that she has passed away. The second I hear that I start bursting in tears I keep asking how and he replies with stuff like "you don't deserve to know you never loved her" but in-between the he tells me that she got an anxiety and Asma attack. He then tells me about how he heard her heart monitor read no pulse. The problem is I cannot go and check myself on anything he says becuase of the major factor that I live far away and I also have a final exam the next day. I start spamming both of their phones with calls after calls and I get no answer from either of them. The guys then tells me that they are giving her for and from the way he described it to me the doctors took their time to think of giving cpr and they spent a good amount of time doing it (at this point I start to turn skeptical becuase a brain without oxygen for even a few minutes can cause severe brain damage) I leave the situation as it is and continue studying because I'm going no where with calling them and no matter my situation my exam will not be postponed. She then calls me later at night asking me if I am fine and that she is in a hospital bed. Her voice just sounded tired. She tries to ask me if I still love her and I go around the question becuase of the possibility she is in an actual hospital bed. The next day I finished my exams and went back home to prepare for a big party me and my friends were going to. After getting ready and preparing to go to the party location she calls me and tells me she's drunk and with her friend and the driver is under the influence and driving. I get worried and drive the car with them to make sure everybody is alright and nothing wrong happens. She keeps trying to touch me and hold me for some reason and I tell her I'm in the middle of driving and there are people in the car. I take everybody with me in the car to the party. While we're there I keep constantly telling her that I am not interested in having a relationship atleast with her because of all the reasons I mentioned before. And she keeps asking the same questions over and over again even when the answers were obvious and exactly the same. So I just suddenly snap after half an hour of repeating my answers in the the least idele place (a party) and loose all my patience. I just say that I don't want to be with you and that I'm a complete ass hole and everything you keep saying just leave me alone and that I'm going to enjoy the party. I run upstairs and she keeps blocking my way, pushing me downstairs, and forcefully holding my hand. Completely by accident while going upstairs she falls becuase of how hard I'm trying to run away from this situation. When she falls it looks bad so I go back down to check if she's alright and to tell her I'm really sorry. She then starts begging me to kiss her on the lips good bye. I tell her I don't not want to and she keeps forcing me again and again into doing it. I then tell her that I'll give a hug and that's it. Eventually she goes back home in a taxi with one of her friends (who I asked her to). The next day I get a text message from her friend (the one from the begining of the story) telling me she's been admitted to a hospital becuase she fell into a coma around 3 A.M. and he continues to tell me that she was found around 5 A.M.. Again this sounds really unautheic and was expecting the same ending as last the last time. AND MIRACULOUSLY IT DID! She has died twice and lived to tell the tale twice sounding as if she just woke up and was able to go the next day and get drunk each day.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Ej0rwqCCdA35IWnTeo39oVj0h0mdDTXn
|
annl1t
|
{
"description": "not showing up",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not showing up?
|
My friend recently had to give up her two dogs which is a very devastating thing for our friend group because we love those dogs with all of our heart. Unfortunately, after years of having them her allergies just kept getting worse and worse and she was having issues breathing even with regular treatments.
They invited me over to their house to say goodbye but I was working 4pm - 12am and my car is currently out of commission. I was babysitting/house at a house that was 9 minutes from my work at the time and their house is an hour away for reference.
My friend addressed it tonight saying that she was mad at me for not showing up but posting a snapchat of me with the two girls I was babysitting at breakfast. She thought that I was hanging out with my best friend instead and said well since I had time to spend with him I could understand why she was mad at me for not coming over. I don't know this all seems really jumbled... AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
5uX6sHWcVEA9jj3CQ7qNglMhDMk4H2Nw
|
anatql
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go to my best friends wedding",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go to my best friends wedding?
|
I need the unbiased Reddit users of this sub to tell me whether I'm being an asshole in this situation because I've received mixed feedback from the people in my life.
​
My best friend got engaged to a guy who over the course of their 10-month relationship has cheated on her multiple times with multiple women, broken up with her more times than I can count, and just put her through hell in general. She's not having a bridal party and seeing as the two of us live about three hours from each other we haven't talked much about what's going on with the wedding until a few days ago when I received an invitation in the mail. Now, I love my best friend but can't stand the guy she's dating because every time he would cheat on her or dump her or whatever I was the one she called or came to crying and I was the one to pick up the pieces. And I was happy to do that the first time it happened but as their relationship continued and she repeatedly took him back I became less inclined to comfort her when something happened.
​
Anyways, I thought about it a lot and decided that I really wasn't happy that they were getting married and that me being at her wedding would only put me in a bad mood and I wouldn't be able to guarantee that I could keep my mouth shut about my disapproval. I don't want to ruin her wedding by being a bitch. So, rather than sending my RSVP as no without any explanation I called her up and tried to explain my thinking to her. She knows I don't like him so I thought she would understand where I was coming from, even if she was upset which I couldn't fault her for.
​
She did not understand.
​
We got in a huge argument about it. She said that I'm her best friend and should be happy for her because she's happy regardless of who it's with. I said that I couldn't be because I knew what kind of guy he was and knew how this marriage was going to end. I see where she's coming from and if it were just a guy I didn't get along with but that treated her right I would be over the moon for her but this guy treats her like shit and I don't want to validate her choice to let him by supporting her marriage.
​
Am I the asshole for not wanting to go?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
8MgDuhDyyLRqoX3cEZs0waGJAUL44Dvn
|
at6pcw
|
{
"description": "not being able to get past our \"engagement\"",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for not being able to get past our "engagement"
|
Throwaway for this post. Backstory
Dec 2017, my bf\[27M\] and I talked about getting engaged. I gave him a link to my pinterest with ring styles i liked, and left it at that, expecting him to propose.
for context, a lot of my bf's friends were getting engaged and he was helping them plan and execute their proposals-- and he seemed to enjoy doing so. There was one friend, however, who decided to propose at his gf's home in an "ordinary" manner ( which is great if thats what youre into!) My BF, however, thought it was lame because in his mind proposals are grand events. He made it a point to mention this to me...god knows why.
​
Anyway, one day in his car he pulled over after our date and started saying sentimental stuff. my face lit up because i thought this was gonna be him proposing.... On seeing my reaction, he laughed at me. Said he wasnt proposing at that moment, but watching my reaction was "hilarious". This was right around christmas time.
Fast forward to February and he announces we're engaged? No proposal. Instead, his family came to my familys home and asked my parents for my hand (which is tradition). He tells me to pick out a ring online and use his credit card to pay. I did pick out a ring (but ended up paying for half of it myself). His family then mocked me for my choice of ring (I didnt want diamond, went with moissanite).
Anyway, its a year later, we've since gotten married. i voiced my dissatisfaction with how the engagement happened. He wants to "re-do" the proposal, but i told him I dont want a "re-do". He thinks that makes me an asshole (not letting him fix his mistakes). AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
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