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{
"description": "not giving my brother money",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving my brother money
|
Last year, my sister got married. She and her husband both finished their degrees in what will be a very lucrative field. They both landed jobs in a city they like and plan to stay there for a while. They didn't want to move into an apartment, then move again in a year or so, so they asked some family members for money toward a down payment on a house. As they will both be making good money in the next year or so, and they had a good budget plan, my husband and I gave them some money with the understanding they would pay it back within a year or two (which they are doing). I didn't spread it around, but my sister's very open with our parents and she mentioned it to them. This wouldn't have been an issue, except:
​
Earlier this month, my brother got in a car accident. He's fine, no one was hurt any worse than a few bruises, but his car was totaled. My mom thinks I should give him money to help him get a new (or new to him) car, because he won't be able to afford one otherwise. I consulted my husband, and we're in complete agreement. We refused. We don't want to do this for a few reasons.
​
1. This would be a gift, not a loan. There would not be a question of repayment. That makes this an entirely different situation.
2. This is the sixth (I think) car accident my brother and his wife have been in during the last five years.
3. This is the fourth car he and his wife have totaled between them, and I don't see their driving habits improving any time soon. We don't want to throw good money after bad.
4. My brother hasn't asked. My mom asked (well, suggested. Strongly suggested).
5. We have given him money several times over the years. It just seems to vanish, and my husband isn't fond of the idea of, essentially, supporting two households.
​
I'm not asking for advice - at the end of the day, it's our money, and my husband and I are the final arbiters of its use. I just want to know, am I the asshole here?
​
(A few extra points - no, my parents cannot afford to give him money. No, I don't think my brother was aware of my mom's request. Yes, they have another car and can function as a one-car household, but it would be difficult.)
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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FMvm3GxZ1hBo7y4uBS1zUqrrFgJuH2Dh
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achg3f
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{
"description": "cutting myself off from my sister's boyfriend's church group",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting myself off from my sister’s boyfriend’s church group?
|
*all names are changed for privacy
I used to attend a church youth group that was part of a small church (the pastor is the father of my sister’s boyfriend). We would meet once a week, and have our bible study, then often go somewhere to eat, or have dessert if most of us are prior to that. We would often carpool, though I would usually go alone, since I didn’t know the others that well. We would meet every Monday night, usually at 6:30 pm. Let me mention here that I’m a paraprofessional in Special Education, and due to having morning duty at school, I have to be on campus by 7:15 am, so I wake up at 6 am at the latest, so I try not to stay up too late on school nights.
One night, I was super tired from work, the kids had been very active that day, so I was considering not going. My sister convinced me to go, saying that we didn’t have to go anywhere afterwards. I went, and drove my sister and brother with me to save on gas. It ended a little earlier than usual, so my sister begged me if we could go somewhere after all. I told her that I was really tired, and didn’t feel like going anywhere to eat, and would rather relax at home with something picked up to go, so she suggested that we just go somewhere to get dessert instead. I wasn’t really wanting to, but I decided to go for their sake. We then, as a group, began debating on where to go. My sister and I made it clear that I wanted somewhere that wouldn’t be a lengthy drawn-out meal, so we began naming places in the area that had desserts or good appetizers and sides. We eventually decided to go to an ice cream chain that was located somewhat nearby on a busy street that had many other restaurants and event type places.
I drove my car, and my brother went with me. I thought my sister and her boyfriend were coming with us as well, but then they surprised us by going in his car, and with his two sisters and the boyfriend of one of them in another. I didn’t particularly care, so headed on. Her boyfriend has a sports car, and likes to drive fast, so unsurprisingly, I saw him pass us on the highway. Though his sister left slightly before us, I passed them. I took the best exit to get to the place (there are multiple exits one could take, the one I took was the most expedient, but GPS doesn’t say to take it, and if one isn’t familiar with the area, they wouldn’t know to take it). I saw the sisters pass by the exit, and figured they didn’t know about it, and so assumed we’d get there sooner than them. We arrived at the place, and I was surprised to see that my sister and her boyfriend weren’t there (they had passed us earlier and he speeds, while I typically don’t). A minute later they pulled up. He told us that he forgot about the exit I took which why I beat them there. We went in to see what we wanted while waiting for the others.
After a few minutes in which they should already be there, I asked John where the others were. He said, and I quote, “Oh, Jane (one of his sisters) missed the exit too and got lost. She’s so dumb. They’re using the GPS now though, and should be here before too long, but let’s order in the meantime.” So we did. My sister ordered hers and finished it quickly, while my brother and I took our time. My sister said, “The others said that they didn’t really want dessert after all, so they went to the fast food chicken place across the street. We’re hungry, and John (her boyfriend) didn’t want anything anyway, so we’re going to join them. Come join us after you’re done!” Then left. I was mad, because after we’d all agreed on going to the ice cream place, the others apparently on their own decided to go get chicken, without me. My sister tried saying that the others hadn’t actually agreed to ice cream specifically, just something in the area. I say that that’s untrue, as John told me that the others were on the way and were only delayed in getting there because they missed the exit and got lost, causing a big delay in their arrival to the ice cream place, when in actuality they took the next one (that only would’ve caused a slight delay) and had gone straight to the chicken place across the street.
I had a big bowl of ice cream, so I took my time finishing it, then texted my sister saying that I was going to pick up food to go from the place next door, and to be ready to leave (by that time she and her boyfriend would have been there at least half an hour, probably more due to the time it would take to pick up my food). I drove over to the other place, ordered my food, then when it was ready, brought my car next door to pick up my sister. I texted her saying that it was ready, so so her goodbyes and whatnot. I then walked in, and she’s still eating. I told her that we need to go, it was already late, and I needed to get home. She started saying that she needed a lot to eat, that she had just ordered some fries and would have to waste the sauce if we left right then (her words, I still don’t get what she meant). I told her that I’d texted her in plenty of time, and she’d had plenty of time to eat already. She wouldn’t budge, so I simply said, “We’re leaving. Now.” Then turned and walked out, fully prepared to leave her there if she made no move to leave
She followed soon after, and upon getting in the car, started saying that I’d embarrassed her in front of her boyfriend, his sisters, Joe (Jane’s boyfriend) and everyone in the restaurant (which was a chain that she worked in another location of). She said that I was being unreasonable, and trying to act like her parent. I told her that I’d given her plenty of warning to finish up, and had been doubly generous (possibly triply) as I hadn’t even wanted to go that night as I was so tired, but went so she wouldn’t have to drive, then after that agreed to go somewhere after even though I’d said from the beginning that we wouldn’t, then, when they changed what we had agreed on, didn’t fuss about it (initially) and took my time with my ice cream to give her time to eat as well. I had texted her multiple times so she would know to be ready, but she claimed not to have checked her phone (which I suspect is a lie, as she’s almost constantly on her phone; at other times when we’ve been doing things together I’ve had to tell her to get off of it).
As we walked out, I could see from their faces that the sisters were judging me. After that, I stopped going to the church (which is basically the only contact I’d had with them other than a WhatsApp group they created for the youth group), as they apparently went out of their way to exclude me from the group, either because they didn’t want me to be with them, or because they didn’t want to have just a fast thing after and rather than simply disagreeing with me, pretended to go along, then changed the plan when I wasn’t there to physically object.
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HISTORICAL
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b5gZ5prlax1RuXI4L7SwKWNKzVD5EDrm
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aqctld
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{
"description": "banging on the ceiling this morning and for playing music to drown out the upstairs tenants",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for banging on the ceiling this morning and for playing music to drown out the upstairs tenants?
|
Edit 2: I figured I'd come add this even though I'm sure no one will read this. Turns out I wasn't over reacting over the noise. The family left a few days ago. I was talking to someone in the building and everyone could hear their banging, slamming and stomping. I talked to a few of my neighbours and all of them had talked to the landlord about the family above us and asked him to talk to them about their noise. Apparently the landlord talked to them about it and they just left. I'm not sure if they'll be back because you can't evict that fast, but it's been a few days so we're all hopeful.
​
Edit : I edited this because I wrote it in anger immediately after they yelled at me. This is a more accurate representation of what we're both like.
Hey guys, I was wondering if AITA
I moved in to my apartment a few years ago. The problems started when me ceiling started leaking in May, and it kept leaking on and off until it was FINALLY fixed in the end of December. After that, the noise from the new tenant (moved in mid december, both insanely loud walkers so relevant) above me became INSANE. It was constant, and registered between 60-85 decibles. This isn't normal noise, this is constant door slamming, throwing things, stomping so loudly the dishes in my kitchen rattle and a bowl vibrated and fell off my dresser loud.
I've been documenting the times they're loud and it's literally constant. They seem to get louder when I'm playing music to try to drown them out so I can think/study. My music isn't loud enough to leave my bedroom when the door is closed so I know it's not bothering other tenants. You can still talk over my music and have a conversation, so it's about conversation level loud.
See my edits below. I was patient with them and the noise. I gave them 2-3 weeks to settle in before asking them if they could be quiet. I phrased it as the building being old too not out any blame on them. I couldn't even finish my sentence before they told me no and slammed the door in my face. I tried to talk to them another time and they ignored me. I've asked the landlord to talk to them. I spent a month trying to be patient and civil while we dealt with the noise and ceiling issues.
​
There kitchen and bathroom are directly over my bedroom. The ceiling was fixed by him taking everything down and then using a piece of wood to 'hold up the leaking pipe' and then nailing a piece of drywall to the ceiling supports. A quick google tells me he basically created a drum from their kitchen counters/bathroom into my bedroom.
​
​
​
​
This morning they were so loud the vibrations from banging things and slamming doors woke me up every half an hour from 7/8 am until i had to be up for school at 11. It's midterms so my sleep is extra important to me right now and i ended up going ti bed around 3/4 am. I basically only got 4 hours of sleep last night and had a lab and exam to write today. I was exhausted and frustrated and knocked on the ceiling with a broom. I then turned my music up loud (again not loud enough to be heard in the hallway) and they started BANG-BANG-BANG hitting something extremely hard when I did. I got ready and went to school.
When I got home they were actually waiting for me outside the building today to tell me that it wasn't them, then that the noise was just their baby learning how to walk and to stop being passive aggressive. When I mentioned that I was woken up they said that it was noon (it wasn't, I had class at noon). When i explained they'd add no sound proofing they said they knew but 'so what'. I explained it was very, very loud and they said that I should be up by noon anyway. When i said a baby can't slam doors they said that I can't prove it was them making the noise and rolled their eyes and walked away
​
I 100% know it's them because they're the new tenants, they're the ones who live above the unsound-proofed ceiling and they're so loud I know their schedule. I know relatively where they are in their apartment, if they're cooking, using the toilet, doing dishes, leaving their apartment, etc. Normal living noises don't bother me. It's the slamming, stomping and banging that causes vibrations down my wall and rattles my dishes that do.
I play music loudly (white noise while sleeping (70 decibels, so louder then id like but it's how high its needs to be to sleep through them and my landlord told me to do it) , spoify during the day. (Again, 60 decibles, so conversation level. I realized my level for very loud isn't everyone else's level) ) to drown out their noise, and this morning after being woken even 20 minutes from 7-10 through the white noise (75 decibles) and earplugs I was a bit grumpy and banged on the ceiling. I then turned my music higher and proceeded to slam my bedroom door every time they stomped/banged/threw something.
I"m a little ashamed of that, but it's like they expect to live in a silent home while being as loud as they want but I can't play my music over a certain limit before they start stomping/banging louder. I'm pretty sure it's in response to my music because I'm hear a very loud, QUICK and constant BANG BANG BANG BANG within minutes is starting it.
The reason i clued unti the lack of sound proofing is because when I was in my bedroom with my boyfriend they'd start stomping, slamming and banging directly overhead the entire time so loudly we couldn't hear each other and had to move to the other room. So, PI guessing they were trying to drown things out. We aren't loud and talk at a normal volume.
Their sleep schedule seems to be 8pm to anytime between 4-7am. Mine is 2-3am until 10-11am and I'm not changing that. I have class until 10pm three times a week and I'm a student so I like to sleep in on weekends.
​
**Edit:**
I want to add that the banging/stomping is so loud that the dishes in my kitchen rattle and I've had a dish vibrate off the dresser in my room and break. The footsteps are only an issue when they're stomping and my ceiling rattles. They normal living doesn't bother me. It's when they bang and stomp knowing I'm asleep. When I first started using the noise machine I'd leave it off until they woke me up (5-6 am) and then they'd get louder after I turned it on . It was like they put on boots after I'd turn my white noise on (6am) for over an hour while slamming every door in their house before leaving. A few times they'd slam their door and stomp down the stairs outside the landing to try to see where it was coming from.
Edit
By blaring my music I mean I'm playing it loud enough to fill my bedroom but not escape into my living room with the door closed. About 60 decibels, so about conversation level. To me, this is loud music. It doesn't go into the apartment hallway so I'm fairly confident I'm not bothering other tenants.
​
**Edit 2:**
I also want to add that I went to talk to them before any of this started and they cut me off, told me they couldn't be quieter and slammed the door in my face. I then tried a second time before asking the landlord to talk to them. I didn't buy my sound machine until at least a month after they moved in.
​
**TLDR:**
​
In a sound war with upstairs tenants, landlord promises to fix the unsound proofed ceiling for the last month but hans't. I've been blaring music at around 60-70 decibles during the day(Think conversation level loud. You cab talk over it) and white noise at around 65 decibles at night to sleep through them. They still woke me up this morning (ever 20-30 min from 9am-11am because of their vibrations from banging so hard) I ended up tiredly banging on the ceiling this morning because they keep waking me up, upstairs tenants waited for me outside the building today and says the 80+ decible constant banging is either not them or a baby learning to walk. I feel like they're calling bullshit and have seen them bang/stomp louder/slam doors whenever I turn my music on to drown them out.
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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GkeRotD95Esm30X8i0QHyGxy1uUhXTQS
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ag8xph
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{
"description": "\"ghosting\" a \"friend\"",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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}
|
AITA for "ghosting" a "friend"?
|
It got a litte bit longer than I thought so td;lr at the bottom.
Little bit of backround:
I [F 25] moved away from home to a new town and I was looking online for new friends. There I found Kim [F 30] (fake name) and we seemed to have a lot in common. We chattet for some weeks bevore we decided to meet in person.
Even though we chatted online constantly the conversation was really slow when we met up. I had to keep the conversation going on my own or we would be sitting there in silence. Additional to that most of her responses were only 1-2 word sentences... It was really awkward and also kinda exhausting for me because I am a litte shy around new people and an introvert.
After our meeting she wrote me how much fun she had and that she was looking forward to seeing me again. So I figured that she is even more shy than me and that she maybe only had to warm up to me. So we met again several times and while I noticed that she became more talkative, she would never start the conversation on her own and it was still difficult to keep a conversation going. A few months into our friendship I found out from one of her posts on social media that she has social anxiety, so I guess that explains her behaiviour.
But I soon found myself dreading our meetings... At this point we knew each other for about 8 months and we had met like 10 times. I don't know if you would call that a friendship, for me she was more of an acquaintance. Meeting her was really mentally exhausting for me because of her inability to have a ongoing conversation. Meeting friends is supposed to charge my battery but it was the total opposite.
I thought she guessed that our meetings weren't as fun for me as they were for her, because after our last meeting she never wrote me again. And I was relieved because that way I didn't have to end our "friendship" and also never wrote her.
Fast forward to two months later:
I see online that her husband left her shortly after our last meetup (he already got a new girlfriend) and that she has a depression. I think she didn't write me because of her husband leaving her and now I feel kinda bad. I thought about reaching out I think she could use a friend and I know she doesn't have any in this city but I don't want to honestly....
Td;lr
Met [F 25] a girl [F 30] online and we met a few times. She is super shy and never contributed to our conversations so I had to keep them going. I found myself not wanting to be her friend and when she didn't write me I never reached out again. Now I found out she has depression because her husband left her and I think she never wrote me because of her situation. Now I feel bad.
So AITA because I don't reach out even though I now know of her depression and divorce?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "leaving my best friends wedding",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for leaving my best friends wedding ?
|
I’ve been waiting for my best friend and their partner for 1.5 hours at the marriage court. They still aren’t here. AITA if I leave? They told me when to be here and decided not to show up on time.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "getting mad at my girlfriend for popping my pimples",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 9
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|
AITA for getting mad at my girlfriend for popping my pimples?
|
This happened a few years ago, and obligatory apologies for mobile.
My girlfriend at the time (ex now) was obsessed with popping my pimples. Sometimes it was nice if I asked her to, but very frustrating most of the time, as she would do it whenever she wanted and it would hurt like hell, but she would just continue despite me visibly getting upset with her.
This particular incident happened 3 years ago in my college dorm room. I was laying on my stomach on the bed and she started popping pimples on my back. This went on for at least a half hour, and hurt very badly. In her defense, I did not explicitly tell her to stop, but we had been dating well over a year and she knew me well enough to tell from my mannerisms I was very annoyed.
Finally I got up and went to the bathroom and noticed in my mirror that there were welts all over my back from where she had been pinching. I came back into the room and got pretty mad at her, at which point she got mad at me for being mad and saying it was not that big of a deal. There was no long term damage and the welts went away but it hurt like hell and I felt like I was justified in being mad.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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{
"description": "sleeping with my ex",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for sleeping with my ex.
|
It was my ex's birthday two weeks ago, a surprise party was thrown for her. Her roommate sent me a text saying she had broken down and cried when she saw I wasn't there and wanted me to come over. She has had a new boyfriend since this summer, they've been together 6 months at this point. They are having trouble and that evening her boyfriend refused to come to the party. I've always been very open with her about still being interested in her and we've been on and off since last year but we hadn't slept together since this summer.
​
So, I went to the party, she spoke to me, we had a good time, then we went to bed and fooled around, the next day she skipped work and we spent the entire day in bed. A month ago, we talked about getting back together, she told me she loved me and she was conflicted, but when we slept together on her birthday and the next day, she still had a boyfriend.
​
She is still with her boyfriend now, and I asked her not to contact me for a month if she doesn't want to move on from her boyfriend. AITA for sleeping with my ex while knowing she has a boyfriend?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "suggesting my best friend break up with my cousin",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
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|
AITA for suggesting my best friend break up with my cousin
|
A little background:
I've known my friend for about 6 years now and i've never seen her sad or mad about anything, she's typically happy and chill, recently she has started dating my cousin who can be chill but has anger issues (& problems with jealousy when it comes to his gf or sisters and mom)
My family was excited when my friend and cousin got together, they seem like the perfect couple but recently my friend has been having problems with my cousin about her not replying quick enough to his messages & being too busy to reply sometimes (even though during that time she's studying & doing homework). If she doesn't reply fast enough he'll ignore her most of the day while being active online. One day when she brought up the fact that he too replies late and even purposely ignores her he told her all she does is "bitch" about things & they ended thing between them for two days but got back together after he spontaneously showed up at her doorstep to "talk things out" & having her ears filled with people telling her how happy she makes him, she seemed uncomfortable and told me she felt so but regardless she went back to him. It seems not much has changed, if anything it seems a little worse because she said that NOW he's comfortable enough to point out what she does "wrong". Then there's the jealousy, she posted her brother and he asked, "who the fuck is that?", and he'll regularly ask her if she's talking to other guys on social and want her to basically prioritize him. On one of our day out she explained how exhausting and draining it feels when he has these episodes but she still loves him, I became concerned about the situation, he may be my cousin but it seems a bit toxic, and I suggested she break up with him definitely. But now my family thinks im an asshole for "trying to end their relationship", so AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "being bitter about being tested, and snapping at my Girlfriend's friend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Being Bitter About Being Tested, and Snapping at My Girlfriend's Friend?
|
I hate being tested, a trait developed because of my mother, and shared by my siblings. Being tested on my character cuts directly into me and hurts a lot, usually leaving me angry and bitter.
Last week, my girlfriend's best friend decided I needed to be tested. The plan was for my girlfriend to avoid me for two days, under the guise of "being busy with homework". At first, I took things at face value and accepted them, having no bitter feelings or problems with the situation. However, my girlfriend's friend begin to goad me a little bit, dropping hints and implying I did something wrong. This is where I realized I was being tested. However, I didn't go confront my girlfriend on it, I just let things happen. I acted closed off and avoided my girlfriend. When she questioned me on it, I told her that I was upset about being tested, and I had told her about that in the past. She was very apologetic and I knew she genuinely felt bad.
​
A couple days after the fact, my girlfriend and I were in my dorm room at 11:30 pm, as she was helping me with homework. She gets a call from the same friend, who asks us to come to her room. When we get there, she asks us to stay there, because she needed to study for her test, but she really wanted to make out with her boyfriend, who was also in the room.
​
I was annoyed with this childish behavior, and suggested perhaps it was her turn to be tested, to see how she could do away from her boyfriend. She got very insulted by this and insisted I leave. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "choosing studies over vaccation",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for choosing studies over vaccation
|
My GF and I have been together for about 3 years now. We have repeatedly discussed taking a 6 months - 1 year trip to asia when we are done studying and before we start working.
She finished her education about a year ago and have been doing some trainee work since then.
I have about a year left at law school which I started before we met.
She has grown restless of the situation and just about demanded me to take a break from school for at least a semester so we could travel.
This would cause me not to graduate at the same time as my close friends that have been alongside me since the start of law school. As in any other education the sense of comradery between students is strong and very important for me. I also have grown tierd of studying all day and late nights but I fear I might not finish my education if I took a semester off.
An ultimatum she presented to me was basically: "Come with me or I will go alone and we are done"
My response was somewhere along the lines of: "I am staying, I've got one more year but if you can't wait for me then go"
She was pissed and left to stay at her parents 3 days ago
AITA for not wanting to take a study break?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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LEs6Qa8piAdN7g1XSsHGXIE8bTKETeqQ
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abdp02
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{
"description": "telling a friend they're boring",
"pronormative_score": 1,
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|
AITA For Telling A Friend They're Boring
|
There's a friend of mine who I spoke to all the time during High School (England education system). We used to be really close and have constant message conversations throughout the night where we got to learn a lot about each other. We were really close. However, after I left for College, we moved apart and stopped talking entirely.
Recently, I decided to start messaging her again to see if she how she was doing. Since then we've been having semi-regular message conversations however every single time it just turns into repetitive boring questions about each other's day; 'How're you?', 'Good, you?', 'Yeah, same' and so on. And we've gotten to the point where we have nothing to talk about every time we do message.
Because of this I've tried to message her less and less, however she will still message me from time to time. I kept acting as if there was no issue while talking but I had next to no motivation when talking to her. She recently asked to meet up and I had no choice but to drop the bombshell.
I told her that I'm not invested in our conversations, I find it difficult to talk to her and that I'm no longer motivated to message her again. She got offended because she took it as me calling her, as a person, boring. Did I do something wrong here? How can I resolve this in the best way?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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7hxHFdyJnjbdkOqeGpRMXfLsxEtUbb4e
|
avzh9b
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{
"description": "wanting to get rid of a new dog",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
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|
AITA for wanting to get rid of a new dog?
|
My family has always had 2 or 3 dogs at a time. I love dogs, and they usually like me back. If they don't, or if they seem to be only tolerating me, I leave them alone. But all of my dogs have either warmed up to me or been friendly from the start. I feel like I have only met one truly mean dog, and it wasn't her fault; she had been trained to be a "fighting" dog, and even she settled in and became friendly. But our new dog is something else.
I'm not even paying rent, so I don't think I get a vote as to whether or not we have new pets, but I did ask to wait for a while. Two out of our three dogs died of old age last year. It hit me hard, and I miss them like mad. My father brought home a 1-year-old yellow lab about 1-2 weeks ago.
This dog hates me and only me. For the first week, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, because he's moved to a new home and is certainly scared. He's loosened up around my parents and our other dog. He's friendly and even cuddly at times - to everyone else. I have been nothing but gentle toward him, but he can't stand me. He snarls and growls at me when I move. He barks every time I - and only I - open a door or use the stairs. Most terrifying: he seeks me out, growling, then starts barking and advancing when he sees me.
I am shorter than my parents and significantly smaller. If I were attacked, I would not win the fight. He genuinely scares me. At first, I tried speaking in a friendly/calm voice while giving him space, the same way that my parents did. This has worked for them. It has not worked with me; when they aren't home, he "guards" the bottom of the staircase and threatens me when I appear. His old home didn't have any stairs, so I tried staying downstairs all night with him. When my parents are downstairs, he jumps up beside them and lies down. With me, he moves to the other room, then growls and barks whenever I make noise or move around.
Honestly, I think it would be okay if he only did these things when I was near him - because then I would just give him space. But he comes looking for me or goes to wherever I am and acts like I'm an intruder. I don't even know how he knows when a door is opened by me as opposed to anyone else, but he only growls when it's me. He especially freaks out any time I use the bathroom, and I have some medical issues that mean I'm in there every 2-4 hours. No one has been able to get a full night's sleep because of the barking. I feel like it has been long enough that he should at least understand that I live here too, because I haven't done anything differently from anyone else!
I don't want to be all "It's me or the dog." That's not a fair choice. But I'm constantly on edge. I can't stay if this dog stays. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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mXMnacTzMQUB6DiyzlEcfbxU9oQBTrMm
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alm6cg
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{
"description": "making a new Instagram account",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for making a new Instagram account?
|
Okay, so back in October a myself and a friend (A) split the price of a drift car. We sort of came up with an inside joke about the guy who sold it to us, and from there a ‘team’ name was born. My cousin (who we will call B, happens to be my A’s boyfriend, they’ve been dating for 3 years but we were friends for a little while before that) started an instagram account. If I’m being completely honest, I really don’t like B. I think she is rude, short tempered and quite frankly I think she is the total opposite of the total package. She’s very controlling, and somewhat verbally abusive toward A.
Moving on. I bought another car and sold my half of the original one to A. I wanted to post on the Instagram account in question, when B said she lost the password. I waited a day and asked again. Nothing. So I made my own. On a sort of side note, B called her account ‘(fakename)racing’ whereas I called mine ‘thereal(fakename)’ in an effort to stick it to her. I told her about it and put all of the information into a group chat we have so we can all access it. B became incredibly passive-aggressive, and I got a text from A saying he was with B, and that she had ‘spent the last two hours talking to Instagram support so she could reset the password’ which is total bullshit. I told both A and B I would just make a new account and share the password. Which is what I did.
Not too long ago, I started posting on this new account, to which B said something along the lines of ‘you’re just trying to cut me out of your life, none of you love me’. Spoiler alert, I don’t. She posted an absolutely awful photo (terrible quality, improper and overused effects, etc.) of both of the cars on her account with the caption “the beginning of our (fakename) family!!!!”. I messaged the group chat, having had enough of her bullshit, and said that we should just use the account with more followers by the time the race season starts, to which she freaked the fuck out.
Onto today. After posting some photos of both my daily driver, and my race car, taken by a semi-pro photographer friend over the past few weeks, A started giving me some flak for not using B’s instagram account. He said that we should only post basically memes on my account and actual content on B’s account, and that people might get the impression that one of the accounts is an ‘imposter’ (Together we have about 15 followers, 4 of which are hers, no one wants to imitate that).
I just want to post about my car, and have maybe a modest following without having to post about myself. I hate posting about myself (mostly on Instagram, far too personal) and I have always wanted to just have a car people will like. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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GpQYsTGnU0Qew8g2TEqE7fsv0HZYKL0Z
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abum8d
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{
"description": "getting this all out at the wrong time",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting this all out at the wrong time
|
AITA for getting a wee bit to wasted and spilling a year prior’s frustration!
Myself and my wife got a liil drunk before new years and met up with SIL’s friends from her home country. Somewhere along the way we, mostly I, went on a rant about how messes up half of her family is to her sister’s friends.
Little bit of info : got married last year in her home country as it is closer to her family and they can’t travel to our current country, for very frustrating reasons, diff post will be needed. 2 of the siblings did not attend our wedding due to religious belief, ( had a lesbian wedding as there it is legals, current country of residence it is not )!so only mom and brother attended. A bit annoyed as all our friends made an effort and even my own mother who was not fully accepting got her ass on a plane not to miss the big day. Whole time before wedding we were there no effort was made to see their sister, and only 2 days before we had to travel back was there plans made to meet up and lister to them moan how short we are there and stay longer and such, please note up until this point we have been there for 2 weeks already!!
The thing that gets under my skin is I am suppose to accept their religious stance and not say a thing, but then you show up the day after the wedding to come have an ‘after party’ if I can put it like that. No apologies or niceties , I must just accept that was the way it was going to be and pretend it is ok! It is not ok! It is not ok to accept this and it is not ok to assume my wife and myself must dock up 10k and more each time to go visit them as it will not be done from their side to here. This is the only way she sees her family, if WE go there!
I suppose I am an ass, I don’t regret what I said, perhaps just how and when and to whom I said it! Mind you, if I had the chance I’d say it the same way personally, but I have boycotted the visits, I refuse. You want visits, save up and come here! Ironically enough as I write this I don’t to message arguments and such, I prefer face to face!
So drunk me blurted all these things out and some!
Patiently waiting for that phone call coming my way!
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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mapktCmY4bUPVYAFAjfP0kT0zqZaxIRF
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ankm7s
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{
"description": "not supporting my GF's decision to hangout with her ex-BF",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not supporting my GF's decision to hangout with her ex-BF?
|
Some backstory: My GF and I have been dating for about 8 months. We started dating when she and her ex-BF were on a break in the relationship. At the time we started dating they were still living in the same apartment and her ex-BF was not happy that she broke up with him and started dating me. Neither of them were financially able to leave and find a new place to rent immediately so they both had to live with each other as roommates for a while.
Those few months were the most awkward and strangest times because her ex-BF thought she was just trying to get him jealous and play with his emotions. He still considered himself her "real" boyfriend and I am just that guy in the way because he believes she should have never broken up with him because they were on a unofficial "break".
All that fuckery aside, it all culminated 2 months later when he was about to go travel to see his parents and he asked my GF to give him a handjob before he goes. She told me about what he said and I tried to go to speak to him but she stopped me from doing so because it would jeopardize her living situation because honestly I would have got physical with him.
Fast forward a month later and she's finally able to move out and we are so glad that we don't have to deal with her ex-BF anymore. Or so I thought because a few months later she began telling me about how she wants to go out and see him again as a "friend". I immediately told her how uncomfortable I am with that idea and that I don't support that decision. She got disappointed with my answer and she tried telling me to let go of the past and move on but I still held firm in my beliefs.
She told me she feels discouraged from seeing him again because I don't support her decision and I feel uncomfortable with it but she's making it seem like I am forcing her not to see him. In the end I told her it's her choice but I let her know up front it will cause a strain in our relationship. She said she just sees him as an old friend and she doesn't get why I feel so badly about her seeing him because she says that she no romantic feelings towards him at all.
Then she said she won't go see him "right now" since she thinks I am just being jealous/ not trusting her/ being a controlling boyfriend. That somehow later I will change my mind on it but I made it clear won't ever. That only led her to say that I am not "allowing" her to have friends and that she feels controlled on who she can see.
I can't really see how I am controlling her here so IATA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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PPZoY96god9rFOpuUET5P209Vwnixhtv
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a539uu
|
{
"description": "not telling my family I moved out",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not telling my family I moved out? [Update/More info -- long]
|
So we had a brief discussion about how I went about notifying the family I'm moving out. My sister said she felt as though I had lied to her. I don't get this. **In October, we sat down and talked. At this point she was fully aware I was planning to move out in or before January 2019.** Roughly 2 weeks ago I told her I was looking at apartments; I got approved and signed over the weekend. I just have to turn on my lights and I'm gone.
[More information was requested](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/a4bwzl/aita_for_not_telling_my_family_i_moved_out/?st=jpj68z5t&sh=4551f5c7);
During the time I've spent here:
* For a brief moment we were pooling money for groceries. They asked for $150 from me which I gladly gave! However, when we were at the store they wouldn't buy me a $5 fruit bowl. Instead, they spent $40 on sushi for themselves. They later showed me the receipt explaining the cost until I pointed out they were including the items they bought for their own personal use.
* They consistently locked me out of the apartment. Its happened a few times in the rain and a once at midnight. (we don't live in a safe area). Its not by accident or occasionally, they will lock the top lock and wait until I asked to be let in. On average I was locked out for 5-20 minutes at a time.
* They've told me I would have to pay extra for the privilege to lock my door.
* When they ask me to buy a product, its usually the more costly name brand. When they have to replace a product, its the generic brand or a smaller version of the product.
* They ran 2-3 loads of laundry every day, while I washed 1-2 loads on the weekends. For a while we took turns buying detergent but it didn't seem reasonable to me. I would purchase the large Tide 100-load boxes which they would use up in two weeks.
* She'll enter my room when I'm not home to mess with my cat, then complain about the cat's claws and tell me she needs to be declawed. The cat has not scratched the carpet or any furniture in the room.
* They made me replace the items she needed to clean her dog's urine off the floor. She used 1/2 the box of laundry detergent to clean the carpet, and told me I was "nickle and dime-ing her" and it was "my turn anyway" to replace the detergent. I had cats and didn't want to replace something i didn't use, and something she used on her dog's urine.
* They've told me I was delusional and selfish for wanting to live on my own. I had an issue with my finances earlier in the year and they used this against me, asking how would I have gotten through it if I had to pay rent at the same time.
Things I've been douchy about:
* They told me to declaw my cat, **I fully admit, I agreed to do this**, but was never going to follow through. Once I received a deadline letting me know I had to declaw the cat or they would take her to a shelter I signed for whatever apartment approved me. I put the cat in boarding over the weekend and once I was approved, I told her that day.
* I had a sense of entitlement when it came to paying the utilities. They had a benefit that allowed them to live rent free (none of my business, but relevant information), but I was paying them $200/mo. They asked for $145 for utilities. I didn't want to do this but did pay anyway.
* They changed the wifi password and were going to request more money from me (I overheard the conversation). I already pay $145 in utilities. I reset the router when they left and continued using the wifi.
* My bank doesn't have any ATM's in the area so we use an app for paying rent. She began asking for cash which is a hassle for me, and I did have a bad attitude about this.
* I *was* paying rent late before, and began paying early/on time. Though I was getting the hang of getting to my banks ATM and paying early/on time they asked for a $50 late fee, with $10 every day after. I felt entitled, since she is family and living rent free she shouldn't be charging me this much for being late. This is entitlement and I know this now.
MSC/Irrelevant
* I'm 20 and have always lived with parents or family. I want to get out and *live* without someone breathing down my back or questioning everything I do.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
tl;dr **I'm shitty and they are too, but AITA?**
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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7jmFXZMTkYPVTmTcYpyS8XDsQl6jcyeU
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as6y4f
|
{
"description": "suggesting overweight family make healthier choices",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for suggesting overweight family make healthier choices?
|
I have a 12 year old nephew, my BIL’s son, who is…..big. And I don’t just mean tall. My MIL has told me that when she would take him for doctor visits, the doctors would pull her out of his hearing to tell her that he needs to lose some weight. He’s 12 and wears 2X mens shirts. I don’t know his exact height but it’s around 5”4 and the last time he mentioned his weight, he was 189 pounds and has gained more since then (that was about a year ago). He has a “hump”, a mass of flesh between his shoulders at the base of his neck that has caused a “crease” in the skin on the back of his neck, which has recently started to look darker than the surrounding skin. One good thing about the family is that they have never shamed my nephew or made any (that I know of) disparaging remarks about his size. Quite the opposite. I’m afraid in the effort to not give him a complex about his size, they may have gone a little too far in the other direction. It’s like he sees himself as a slender reed in a field of lumpy, round potatoes.
Well, the other day my nephew came over by himself. My husband was in the living room and I was at the kitchen table scouring Pinterest for healthy dinner ideas. Nephew asks me what I’m doing and I tell him. “I’m looking for some healthy dinner recipes.” Then he asks me the dreaded question….”Do you think I’m fat?” Now the truth is I try not to think of people in terms of “fat” or “skinny”, but instead of healthy or unhealthy. So this is what I told him “ I don’t think of people in terms of fat or skinny. I try to look at things being either healthy or unhealthy.” I was just trying to keep it vague, but he said he didn’t understand. So I told him that some people that look “skinny” can have some very unhealthy habits and some people that look “heavier” can be perfectly healthy. So he asked me if I thought he was healthy. So I said “I think everyone in this family, myself included, could be making better health choices.” I then changed the subject and asked him about school and a little bit later, he decided to go back to my inlaws.
Well, about 20 minutes later my FIL shows up. Apparently, nephew came into their house crying and told them that I said he was fat. My husband told him what I had said and that I never even said the word fat. My FIL shrugged and said he figured it was a misunderstanding. My husband also mentioned that he didn’t care for how my nephew lied and he felt that needed to be addressed, but my FIL dismissed it, saying “Oh, you know how dramatic he is,”. Then he said he had to go because BIL was on his way to pick up nephew for a visit. On the ride to BIL’s house, Nephew also told BIL that I called him “fat” and all hell broke loose. BIL has called my husband, demanding that I apologize to nephew for calling him fat.
AITA for saying we could all be making healthier choices to my overweight nephew?
​
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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7kc6jnRzPUyfMENvoTGusoR6hSCk8YME
|
9ym0n7
|
{
"description": "telling a foreign exchange student Grindr is like snapchat",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for telling a foreign exchange student Grindr is like snapchat
|
I thought it would be funny to tell this Korean exchange student who's hanging out with our friend group to download Grindr so "we can chat" (I don't have a Grindr), as a funny joke.
A day or so later, he gets absolutely livid and goes on a rant in broken english about hating gays and how they should all die, etc etc. Apparently not to my knowledge, hes apart of one of those christian cult things in South Korea, and he had to get reprimanded after his episode in the hallway.
Now everyone is judging me like its my fault. I know I pulled a poor tasted prank on him, but I don't think I should be responsible or shunned for what he said just because hes a non-english speaker.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
bbzN2YYKmv4dY41p92Bj5rjakDWy7K31
|
b6nvzn
|
{
"description": "saying my brothers pregnant girlfriend is being manipulative by not allowing their baby to have my brothers last name until they are married",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
WIBTA for saying my brothers pregnant girlfriend is being manipulative by not allowing their baby to have my brothers last name until they are married?
|
Throwaway account as my family knows my account name.
I haven't called her manipulative or said to anyone that I think this however I feel that she has been angling for this for a while now, I think that my brother does want to marry her but just in his own time and she pretty much knows this. The reason from what I can tell as to why they are not married is due to money, cost a lot to get married(especially the wedding she wants) they have also just moved into a new house together. I feel this is an ass hole move because she is essentially putting a clock on him to do it by the birth.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
5HPTp9exj0V53UzpTWFTytrl8a6qZqlT
|
aa5zu5
|
{
"description": "not agreeing to take a foster placement",
"pronormative_score": 7,
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}
|
AITA for not agreeing to take a foster placement?
|
I'm going to try give you the most unbiased version of this that I can, but since I'm the one writing it, and not the other party, it is safe to assume some trace of bias will exist.
​
I am a 36 year old, high-functioning autistic male. I've been married to my wife (36 year old neurotypical woman) for 5 years now. We have two children, a 4 year old autistic daughter, and a 2 year old neurotypical son. It has been my wife's dream, since forever, to do foster care.
​
I work in marketing and design with a dream to become a professional animator. My wife has always been incredibly supportive of this dream (watching the kids so I can work on my animation, picking up extra work so I can attend animation courses, etc) She has really gone above and beyond. I was not diagnosed until recently, earlier this year to be exact. Before this time, I didn't really know what I didn't know. I struggle with identifying emotional needs and then meeting those needs. That's a huge deal. Until my diagnosis, my wife apparently just thought I was kind of a selfish dick. I'm a good person at heart, and I do a lot of things to show this, so I imagine she had some cognizant dissonance, else she probably would have just dropped me like a bad habit, rightfully so.
​
We've constantly been working on this, moreso, and more effectively since my diagnosis. I am becoming more and more aware and really working hard to improve my capacity to meet her needs. I love my wife very much and I love the family we have built. I recognize I have weaknesses and am trying to learn to accommodate those while also playing to my strengths. I'd say things in our relationship are better right now than they have been since before we had children (which I credit to having massively less amounts of stress in our lives).
The reason for the background information, is that one of the things my wife has complained about is feeling that her hopes and dreams took a back seat to mine. In reality, the way it played out, they have...in my mind, I think, "If you would have just told me you wanted to do XYZ we could have done it!"... She says there was never a point in our life where she felt like she had the ability to do that, as my needs seem to have engulfed our life. Thanks Autism.
​
She is correct. I would do anything for her and am willing to make sacrifices for her, even moreso now that I recognize how much it has been neglected. So, back to the matter at hand. She wants to do foster care. This is something that I have zero interest in, never have. However, it's not something I am against. I think it's a wonderful thing. It means the world to my wife, so yes, I have agreed to do it. We had to take a classes over a few weekends to get licensed. We weren't able to go to them together as someone had to be here to watch our children, so she took her classes first, and then I took mine a few months later, every Saturday for a few weeks. My wife was married previously to a man who also agreed to do the foster care, but when the time came to take a placement, he backed out and said he had only done it to make her happy...which is a terrible thing to do, but I believe this fear is something she still harbors, and its understandable.
​
We have since become licensed foster parents. (Resource parents is the correct term now I think). We had a family member's child, who had been taken into custody, living with us for a few weeks before we were licensed. She is now with another family member. Since being licensed we have done respite care for a \~8 year old girl who also has autism...the stays have ranged from a weekend to 2 weeks. My daughter has had a real hard time adjusting to the respite placement when she is here. I don't know if it is specific to that girl or just someone cramping my kid's style in general. To be fair, that girl was up her butt constantly and my daughter prefers her space.
So, we currently do not have a placement with us. My wife is pregnant (due in June). She suffers from Hyperemessis (I have no clue how to spell this...it's like morning sickness, but on steroids...she is sick all day every day, struggles to stay hydrated and to eat enough...constant danger of losing too much weight). I try to do what I can to help. My struggles with executive function (thanks again Autism) make what I can do, not quite as much as I or she would like. We're always behind on housework for example. I say we, I mean I am always behind on housework, for example.
​
When it comes to bedtime, my daughter does not sleep well at all. On a given night, she doesn't go to bed until midnight, sometimes as late as 3 am (thanks Autism again). In b4 suggestions for getting her to sleep....we have tried everything short of sleeping medication, which I am not comfortable giving a child. Generally melatonin helps the most. Regardless, I opt to stay up with her so my wife can sleep as I feel she needs it more than I do....so every night I am up at least until midnight, usually later. It's not just hanging out with my daughter either. We do get to spend a lot of cuddle time, but much of it is her being super upset because she wants to sleep but can't...laying down, thrashing, popping up and running about, crying, rinse and repeat. It's exhausting. This then compounds the above executive function issues.
​
So the morning comes, my wife lets me sleep usually until she needs my help with something, bless her....but I still wake up thoroughly beaten and exhausted from the anxiety + stress of the night before. But, we're making do...we are improving, I am finding and practicing ways to work around my shortcomings. She actually told me yesterday "You have been such a big help this pregnancy and I really appreciate it" which made my heart swell, because in the previous pregnancies a complaint was that I did not do enough to try to help out and make her time easier....I always wanted to, I just did not recognize how. So this little thing, is a big thing for me. I have an appointment to begin seeing a counselor the second week in January, which I am very optimistic is just going to help me further with ways to cope and work with my adversity. So on the whole, things are looking up....now comes the real issue (sorry but I think the background info was important)
​
Today we received a call from DHS. They have two brothers that need to be placed. a 3 month old baby and a 2 year old boy. DHS says the 2 year old has no behaviors that would be dangerous to our children, which we both have agreed would be a deal-breaker. They said the children have a family member who 'might' take them....I learned from my class and asking my own questions that DHS will say anything above the law to get a child placed, and making us feel like it might be temporary is a tactic that is often used. The children are coming from a different foster home where they have already been for a month. They were taken from their parents for substance abuse. I don't believe this would be a short-term placement. The other foster parent who the children would be coming from is dealing with some health issues, which is why she is not keeping the children herself. Fair enough.
​
So my wife asks if we can take them. My mind is flooded with a billion thoughts. I know she wants to. "I want to have a baby to snuggle and I think our son would love having a buddy to play with."....those are true statements, and I understand them. I'm a super logical person, and to be honest, what I am thinking is the following:
We currently have our hands full with our two kids, mostly due to my own shortcomings, which I am working hard to improve.
​
You (wife) are so sick all the time..most days you take a nap while I watch the kids so you can get a break. There's no way I am going to be able to properly care for 3 children and an infant while also doing my work (I work from home...moved my computer right into the kitchen so i can work while watching/playing with my kids, so my wife can try to get some rest)
Our kids don't sleep...my son goes to bed around 9pm, my wife sleeps with him, and he wakes up a few times during the night. I am up with my daughter anywhere from 12-3am. Now add two more children, one being an infant to that mix....
I feel like my wife is thinking of the positive things but not considering the very real negative things. I feel like if it was one of these children...either just the baby or just the 2 year old, it would be tough but we could handle it and adjust. I expressed these fears to her and she listened, and even said "yes, I think those are valid concerns." and I even expressed that I don't want her to think I'm leading her on, getting licensed just to make her happy but not taking any children (as I've said, we've had a respite placement already, and if this was just one child, I really believe I would have been uncomfortable (thanks autism) but I would have done it, because I know what it means to her and I know it would be ok). She said she knew that is not what I was doing.
So I said, "I don't think it's a good idea to take a 2 year old and a 3 month old right now. I think it would be too much stress on our family."
"So that is how I feel. But if you truly believe it is a good idea and it is so meaningful to you, if you want to do it, I will support you."
​
Queue nuclear disaster.
Now she is extremely pissed off. Told me that her dreams are not important to me and that everything is about me. That I make all the decisions and she gets no say, that she's never going to be able to do the things she wants to do, etc, etc."
I asked her if she would feel this way still if they had called with one child...she said , "Yes because you would have said no to that to
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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9ukuIdKNK76xu5p3zizEXfMFxqYTZAVM
|
at1yxx
|
{
"description": "getting up early and going to the gym or work",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for getting up early and going to the gym or work
|
So with two kids (7 and 9) in sports and a full time IT job I barely have any time. I started reading about how some successful people get up early and go to the gym or the office to get ahead or even just stay on top of stuff. So I started setting my alarm at 5 on vibrate and doing the same. So far it works well for me - I go to the gym, put in a full day, and then have time at night for the family. This was happening for about three weeks. I was always very careful to be quiet so as not to wake the kids, and would sneak out.
Then my wife one morning had a meltdown, started yelling at stuff about how she couldn't do this, it's too early, etc. She also works full time in IT. I wasn't turning on the lights or making noise, but just the vibration of the alarm is too much and then she claims she can't go back to sleep.
Am I being unreasonable here?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
1qjHq1tuaBlPXlRcaCH5s9N2VKflKXEW
|
arx4hg
|
{
"description": "mentioning my girlfriends lying habit to her and that I'm worried she lies to me",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I mention my girlfriends lying habit to her and that I’m worried she lies to me?
|
My girlfriend and I (10 months) have an amazing relationship, we do almost everything together and I love her to bits. But whenever I am with her, I notice that she lies in front of her family a lot... almost everyday. It can be small lies to avoid getting in trouble or just a plain bland lie for no absolute reason, but it happens constantly and often. I notice it very easily and it really gets on my nerves. I’m not sure if she knows that I notice but it worries me that maybe she lies to me too. Will I be the asshole if I mention that I see her lying all the time and it worries me that maybe she is lying to me?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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t9WD7wCXg0kVXTTEzBtWvD6265byrtBB
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a6odz4
| null |
AITA, my brother was bullying this girl and I ignored it and unintentionally feed into it.
|
It was just hilarious at the moment. Happened on Friday, I took him and his friends to Starbucks because he asked me to. I started writing some emails and I let them do their own thing. Then, this girl walks up to the table and she apologized to my brother for something that I forgot. They just made fun of her for it. All of them just went in on it. Especially my brother, he really tore her apart. For reasons I don't know. I guess they were "dating" (he's fifteen, so I don't consider it such). They made a lot of fat jokes and they made fun of her self harming. It was honestly horrible, but, entertaining at the time. She confronted me during it saying that, I'm just letting him talk to her like that. I didn't mean it in a condescending way but I asked her to leave because it was starting to get annoying. They took that as me "roasting" her like typical teenage boys. She walked away after a little while and I noticed she was crying. After we were about to leave, she walked in with I guess her friend. At this point she was sobbing. I didn't take any of it seriously till the girl she was with threatened to slap my brother. I'm not into hitting girls but I don't like people giving threats like that to my loved ones. So, I said that if she did that, I'd bash her face in. I can't believe I threatened a teen girl. But, I just couldn't help it.
I didn't take it seriously till I kinda thought about it more. It was teen drama, till it wasn't. You know? They made fun of her cutting herself and I just sat there typing an email. When she confronted me. I told her to leave. She brings her friend to her defense and to feel better about it. I threaten a teen. I've never been good with social interaction. But, this is really eating me up on the inside. Me, an adult man, just sat there while she being bullied. My therapist said that I'm too hard on myself sometimes. I just want to know if this is one of those situations where it's permitted for me to hate myself.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
4ZRzUtsOFudA9LvPEDY9YVcn6c3d9ATT
|
at5lc3
|
{
"description": "refusing to argue with my gf",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for refusing to argue with my GF?
|
So I like to debate topics. I’ve never been on the debate team or anything, but I find it to be a lot of fun. I’ve brought up topics with my girlfriend and when I see that she has a differing opinion I try and debate with her about it. In the past, she has told me that I get too into it and it feels like I am talking down to her and not listening. I apologized for that and told her I would watch that in the future. Keeping that in mind, I tried to start another debate while watching my tone to make sure I wasn’t belittling her. Unfortunately, this didn’t seem to work and she started to get upset. At this point, I wasn’t sure what about the way I was speaking was bothering her. Even though I like debating, I hate actually fighting. These discussions aren’t worth it to me if it devolves into hurt feelings. Because of this, I apologized again and told my GF that I wouldn’t debate with her anymore because I didn’t like what they turn into. Apparently this was the worst decision I could have made because it just made her even angrier. She said that she didn’t want it to feel like there were things I couldn’t talk to her about and that it made me seem fake. Now, I can see where she is coming from with this. To me though, it just doesn’t seem worth it to have these debates if it’s just gonna lead to a fight. It’s not like it’s a discussion that needs to happen that I’m keeping from her. I only start them for fun, and the result is anything but fun. So why would I keep doing it?
Am I wrong for this? Should I keep debating her but watch my tone even more?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
YoIpknsuAS82SUJGcxLEJnLLwzVWRqOO
|
a97368
|
{
"description": "not liking my grandmother",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not liking my grandmother?
|
My grandma has lived with my family since before I was born. She’s in her eighties now, and she’s gotten progressively worse in manners as she’s aged. She complains about her son- my father- to her friends constantly, despite the fact that he’s been supporting her and caring for her for decades. When we moved into the house we currently live in, she immediately demanded the master suite because she said she needed her privacy. My parents acquiesced. The suite is on the second floor and the kitchen is on the first. My grandmother complained incessantly that she didn’t want to walk up and down the stairs just to get food from the fridge, so my father bought her a fridge for her room- it’s sitting there now, completely unused. She still complains that she doesn’t like walking up and down the stairs. My dad bought her a small oven to keep in her room. It hasn’t been used. The master suite has a bathroom with a shower- she uses the only other bathroom in the house (that the rest of us use) more than anyone else. About a month ago, she complained to my father that she felt unwelcome in our house (I fucking wonder why) and she asked that my father buy her a house- not an apartment or a condo, but a $289K house across the street from ours. Not three days after his application for a loan got approved and his offer on the house got approved, she burst into tears and asked why he was forcing her to move out. He objected, saying that it was her idea, but she said he shouldn’t have let her force him into making the purchase.
I know that the elderly don’t always think rationally and that parents deserve a lot from their kids, but am I an asshole for really, REALLY not liking my grandma?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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E7Z6xgUXmOCajwfnUhjIRwnTfbhAaQeB
|
aecdyv
|
{
"description": "ignoring a friend on my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for ignoring a friend on my birthday?
|
Yesterday was my 21st birthday and I wasn't very excited for it this year. This is mainly due to the fact that all my friends have gone back to university due to classes starting on the 7th on January. Because I am on a co-op term, I have to stay in my home city which is hours away from my university. Basically, I'll have no friends to hang out with this year.
But y'see, I joined this nifty online Discord community so I thought that I would still be able to spend time with some close online friends. Unfortunately for me, many of them are also busy with school and exams and whatnot. However, one of my closer friends, let's refer to her as Sam, doesnt study a lot and spends most of her time playing League of Legends, which I also play with her often. So my birthday hits, I finish work and get home at 7pm where I expect to find Sam online. I see her playing some League of Legends as expected and I ask if she wants to play with me after I finish dinner. She agrees so I promptly head out to dinner so I can finish quicker and have time to play with her. Note: I sleep at 10:30pm due to an early work schedule and Sam is aware of this fact.
So I finish my birthday dinner and am heading back at around 8pm. I message her to reconfirm that she's available to play with me once I get home. She confirms this fact and I head home. So I get home at around 8:20 and I give Sam a call. She doesn't pick up so I wait in the empty call by myself for a couple minutes before me messages me saying that she will be home in a bit. I'm a bit taken aback by this because I wasn't even aware that she had gone out. So I just so "ok" and go watch some youtube for a bit. So fast forward half an hour and Sam has not messaged me since. I ask her what's up and she says she's still not home yet. At around 9pm, she finally msgs me to tell me she's home so I give her a call and get prepared to spend the rest of the day playing some League of Legends with Sam. Before she picks up she messages me "if ur too tired you can sleep and we can play another time". I'm completely dumbstruck by that statement and I got the impression that she lowkey didnt want to play so I quickly hang up the call. She notices that and tries to recover by saying "Oh unless you want to play today" but I'm not having any of it. Her lack of apologies for being late, lack of notice for her absence, and implying I sleep off my birthday pissed me off. I log off discord and am in such a bad state that I go to get some alcohol. It seems a bit pathetic but I was lonely and bored so I didn't really care at that point that I was drinking alone. Sam calls my phone a couple times and I ignore them and continue drinking because at that point we would only be able to squeeze 2 or 3 games in and in the mood I was in they wouldn't be any fun anyways. So I spent the rest of the day drinking my sorrows away.
I wake up today and log back in on discord and I get a message from Sam saying "let's play league today!". I tell her I wanted to play league yesterday but she replies saying that it was my fault we didn't play League because I ignored her calls and whatnot. We argue for a bit with her saying I misunderstood her message and me just getting pissed at her for what she did yesterday. She puts the blame on me and gives a sarcastic apology for her actions such as "sorry I cant teleport home". AITA for jumping to conclusions quickly and having too high expectations?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
1x0ATktLk3ZW8H9A9r7iVtRoN6YZAyD2
|
b50wyi
|
{
"description": "ending an almost dead animals suffering",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ending an almost dead animals suffering?
|
Hi everyone.
First off all; English isn't my first language, sorry for misspellings, sorry for bad formatting(still don't get it).
I’m posting this for a good friend of mine (age 60+) who isn't into the internet as I am, being 17YO.
Some Background info:
Also, our prime-school is at the end of a cul-de-sac, the secondary-school being at the southern side of it.
And the Church is to the north uphill at the intersection to the main-road.
There are Parking lots on both sides, with a bigger parking space in front of the gym at the end of the road.
There’s also some law involved, but its not that important, aaand I’m restricted on characters…
So, to the Story; about two weeks ago, Anne drove to our local church.
She's my villages priest(protestant-church) and hit a marten whilst parking.
It slipped out a mousehole in front of the car.
Bill was there. He is our schools caretaker.
My good friend = Bill
Our town priest = Anne
So now there was a marten lying beside the car.
Bleeding.
Breathing.
Clearly done for.
Anne was aggrieved.
She strokes the martens head and sent a prayer to the skies.
Bill sent Anne to sit on the hillside, what she did.
Then Bill quickly realised, that this poor animal is done for.
So Bill made a quick look around, took a small stick and looked towards Anne.
She looked back and knew what he was up to.
She just said "Do it. He can't be saved. Just make it quick".
So Bill took a second look around, to reassure that no one was watching, hauled off and hit the marten on the head.
For comparison; The marten was pretty big, clocking in at around 15kg(33lbs) and a body-length of about 1m(3.2ft).
That is massive for such an animal.
That is the size and weight of a big cat.
The marten was dead now.
Then, it was bound to happen, a child from Prime-school saw Bill killing the marten and then throwing the stick into the woods on the hillside.
Police got involved and Bill got discharged from school-keeping duties.
Anne put in a good word for him.
I think Bill was in the right to do that, I mean...
The marten was already quite dead, and it would have only suffered, if they waited for the police and a vet to come.
On the other hand, Bill broke a law and is now in question of animal-cruelty.
But it would have been crueller to let the poor animal suffer, and Anne reassured Bill to do it.
But Bill wasn't allowed to kill an animal.
But...
Huhmm...
What do you think?
Is Bill the Ass for killing that fatally injured animal?
Even the vet said; "due to the accident-induced injuries, the marten was done for. I would have killed him to!"
Please let me know in the comments what you're thinking.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
XP7P4ofmwE8dP6D5nBYn1Cjvh8AiAXv3
|
b8h99x
|
{
"description": "leaving my friend after something he may not have done",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for leaving my friend after something he may not have done?
|
So a couple of months ago I was told that my friend had been accused of sexual harassment. I never heard anything about it from him but it was pretty obvious something had happened. He had left the local football team and also had come back from college after everything had come out. I’d heard it from multiple people and pretty much everyone in the village believed he’d done it. I felt like I couldn’t bring it up to him and still haven’t. A bit more recently I found that he was taking anti depressants and also that apparently the case didn’t go to court due to lack of evidence. This made me feel guilty over trying to distance myself from him but it didn’t stop me. Despite him being my friend for years he had been a real asshole to some of my other friends. Just to make things more complicated for me he’s also started acting much nicer recently to me and my friends making it hard for me to ignore him.
TLDR: My friend was accused of something but didn’t go to court and I am treating him as if he was found guilty.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
AcTwno6dypIRjwSrq6lhPSz8SkKeAbuO
|
ab9dfl
|
{
"description": "calling my friend out for a shitty pattern of behavior",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling my friend out for a shitty pattern of behavior?
|
I have a friend who seems to have no respect for anyone's time. Yesterday, after not hanging out for months he invited me to grill steaks and watch a game at his place. I know he's usually late for everything, so I gave him a little extra time since his set time was an "around" time. I get there and the grill isn't set up, and while his car is in the drive he doesn't answer the door or the phone. I send him a message letting him know I was there and that I'm kinda pissed. I get a call I ignored and a sob story text seven hours after I get home. He passed out, and he'd like to hang out but everybody suddenly needs him and he just wants one day off. The last time we tried to hang out he forgot he'd already agreed to hang out with his girlfriend. He told me that two hours into me waiting for him, then told me if I waited another hour he thought she might not show. I never heard back from him that night, so I guess she did. Dude does this for other shit, too. I'm super grateful he's around to help when I have car trouble, but the guy once told me he'd be there around five to help me and I didn't see his ass until 9:30. He had been texting and calling the whole time about how he was "on his way" but apparently he hadn't gotten out of bed and kept falling back asleep. Other friends have written this guy off and I don't want to do that, but it makes me feel like a huge asshole lecturing him when he pulls this shit.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
3bNlCMBCB8e8mtDKWoIZfFEMmh4sH0PC
|
apwr7f
|
{
"description": "slowing down even more when someone follows too closely behind me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for slowing down even more when someone follows too closely behind me?
|
So, I normally drive the speed limit to about 5 mph above the limit. So when someone approaches behind me going 10-15 over and starts to follow too closely behind me I get annoyed and start to slow down to where I'm going 5-10 miles under the limit just to spite them until they pass me. Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
EVERYBODY
|
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|
WRONG
|
gQ0tHEIwSOZcCtoHYWws1LAMqkDgHEDG
|
a39g28
|
{
"description": "making jokes that \"went too far\"",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for making jokes that "went too far"?
|
For context: I volunteer at college, working under the student body. Not an executive position. I have a friend who is an exec, and I have another friend who's a fellow volunteer. The three of us are people of color.
Around the office, I was coming up with jokes about school to scare the people on tours. One of them was harmless, but one that I mentioned was how exec laundered money. Exec was chill about the joke, but someone else in the office told me not to say that because someone might take that seriously. I explained to her that I was only joking though, and she understood.
Later, I'm in a room with exec and volunteer just chilling. Another friend arrives, and I start calling volunteer the name of another black guy we know. "They're both black and wear glasses, right?" Friend was quick to tell me not to continue with that joke. Exec seemed chill, and volunteer wasn't offended. I later called him that name again and he pretended to freak out.
Then, me and exec (who are asian) start calling ourselves black. I did it more than once, so exec was quick to tell me to chill on that joke.
I didn't think anyone got offended, but I still feel like an asshole for making those jokes.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
5GDyiQEIKZxz2H2ZlGycOFjmQAojh7HP
|
aemyf2
|
{
"description": "wanting a larger room instead of my brother",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting a larger room instead of my brother?
|
We're moving house soon, and we'll finally all be able to have our own bedrooms. I am currently the only one with my own room, but it's a tiny, claustrophobic office meant for just a desk that we put a bed in because the only alternative was sleeping in the bath. I can touch both walls easily at the same time. My younger brothers share the largest bedroom of the house, which can fit both of their beds, a large wardrobe, a large 6-drawer chest of draws, a double-desk, chairs and extra floor space left over. Compare that to my room which can just about fit my bed, my cramped desk, a small ikea 3-drawer chest of drawers and a bedside table for a lamp.
In the new house, there's one small room (not much bigger than what I've got now) and two medium rooms. One of the medium rooms is already taken since one of my brothers has severe sensory processing disorder and can't cope with small spaces. This leaves the small room and the medium room.
In the house we have now, I gave up the larger room for my brothers. I've also spent the majority of my life caring for them and looking after them, since one has severe autism and SPD, and the other has incredibly mild/high-functioning autism, and there have been things going on with my parents (not going to get into it now) that meant that for most of my life they've needed my help to look after my siblings. I've given up so much for them, even dropped out of college so that I could spend more time looking after them. Because of that, I've spent the last 3 and a half years balancing looking after them and teaching myself the qualifications I need to get into university for the course I want. I get a small benefit income from the local council due to my situation preventing me from being able to get a job, but even then I give up most of my income to pay for things they want or need.
My high-functioning brother has said he'd be fine with the smaller room multiple times in the family conversations we've had about the new house, but he's still insisting on the larger room. I know it's petty and selfish and that because I'm older, I should let him have it, but I gave up the larger room in this house for them, and have given up so much over the course of my life for him. I just want a bigger room and some more space.
It'd also be great because it would offer more privacy than I have now. The room I'm in now is directly opposite the bottom of the stairs and my siblings regularly come running downstairs and charge straight into my room, regardless of what I may be doing; if I'm asleep, if I'm getting dressed, if I'm just out of the shower, if I'm trying to work for my exams. Because I'm the oldest and because I've spent a long time helping to look after them, if my parents are busy they come to me for everything. But the larger room in the new house has a door sturdy enough for a simple lock, something I've been wanting for a long time because the door I have now isn't strong enough for one and the majority of my family doesn't knock.
I will (hopefully) be moving away to university in around 8 months' time, so I'd only be using the larger room for those 8 months, and then he can have it and I'll happily stay in the small room for the few weeks a year that I visit. But the rooms at uni are (obviously) small as well. It'd just be nice to have a larger room for once and some more space/privacy, even if it's just for a few months before I move.
Am I the asshole for wanting that room?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
I3eMIIuCraKY8tH3zuWhfdBD9BMpqSo4
|
ap9sru
|
{
"description": "taking someone's laundry out of the washer",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for taking someone's laundry out of the washer
|
So I live in an apartment with a shared laundry room, we have two washers and two dryers but one of the washers is down so we only have one at the moment. I went down earlier and saw the one washer was in use but only had 12 minutes left so I figured I'd run to the grocery store and pick up a few things and by the time I got back the washer would be free. The trip to the grocery store and back probably took about 15-20 minutes. When I got back the wash cycle was finished but the clothes were still in there. I debated waiting longer but I didn't really want to stand around in the laundry room or carry all my things back upstairs so I started taking the clothes out and putting them on the dryer. An older women then enters through the fire exit and yells "Are you taking my clothes out? Don't ever touch my clothes they haven't even been in there long!" I just apologized and stepped aside so she could finish taking her clothes out. The entire time she is ranting at me that "younger people have no respect, you're rude and entitled, how dare you touch someone else's clothes I don't want you messing with my things don't ever touch my things" I apologized again which was met with "You better be sorry I should make you wash these again since you put them on the dirty washer" I just kinda stood there silently putting my clothes in the washer until she left. So AITA for taking someone's things out of the washer, I've seen and done it before in college but maybe real world etiquette is different?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
9KI7l2HvEm1pPURA9gb8JpacVmbA8xjr
|
9tmt3i
|
{
"description": "shouting/swearing back at my parents after a beating",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for shouting/swearing back at my parents after a beating?
|
I am Indian, so beating up kids is not a big deal here. I have always been beat up since I was very young and have always been used to it.
For context: I am not an academically gifted person, I barely make through exams.
Today, my father came back from work and shortly after started taunting me, telling me how useless of a person I am, how I won't be able to achieve much in life. This went on for a while, so now I'm irritated and so I go to my room, lock it and just calm down. So my father comes, starts banging the door hard and tells me to open up, so I did. Now, he comes in and slaps me around a bit, and leaves. Comes in with a screwdriver and starts removing the lock on the door. Then, he goes into a rage again, and comes towards me to beat me, again, so I instinctively hold his hand, so he hits me with the screwdriver instead, from the grip side, not the head. This may or may not have been intentional, I doubt it was. Anyway, I enter rage mode myself, push him back and start swearing/screaming, more of swearing. This goes on for a few minutes until things calmed down.
TL:DR - Father hit me with a screwdriver, I scream and swear at him. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
acb88e7OnEtNyMN03nVwBgYMnYOb3pWx
|
a11tou
|
{
"description": "checking by boyfriends phone",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for checking by boyfriends phone?
|
I just read [this post](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/a0u5sw/aita_for_my_girlfriend_getting_upset_from_reading/)and remebered something I did about half a year ago.
tldr; Checked my boyfriends phone, found something sketchy but felt too bad to do anything about it.
I was going on exchange meaning that my boyfriend and I would be doing long distance for about 6 months, and I was not feeling very good about it. My boyfriend used to write with his ex sometimes, but after I admitted that I was somewhat uncomfortable with it, as it was very clear that *she* does not have friendly intensions only, he said that he would simply stop talking to her. I was happy! But then, some months after that, she started popping up on his screen again, something I would see if we were e.g. browsing reddit together. Her profile was the first suggested one on his intstagram searches. He said it was nothing but I thought he seemed a bit guilty. I was uncomftorbale but tried to just forget about it and trust him. I am not forcing him to be in this realtionship so if he doesn’t want it he would just end it, right?
The night before I left we got high, and he was in the shower. I don’t know how I suddenly overcame that boundary but I checked his instagram. And of course, the next to last person he wrote with was his ex. It went something like him writing that she looks hot in this picture she posted and her replying «Dont you have a girldfriend?» His response was «Nah we’re on a break.» I felt so bad for invading his privacy like that so I put the phone away and said nothing. I think I will have to admit it when I go back home tho, as it still bothers me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
t8PbI66AhsWEs2gCi24L0kkMJ7TIPyJg
|
b0e22b
|
{
"description": "not teaching my sister",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not teaching my sister?
|
So I'll try to be quick.
​
My parents have been absent from my life for as long as I can remember. I mean, they feed me and keep me clothed, but they've never spent time with me. My earliest memory is me just playing with toys by myself while the T.V is on. So yea, not very attentive.
​
So when my sister was born, they would realize their mistake and be better, right?
Wrong.
​
I will admit fully that I don't really sit her down and teach her math. I mostly just spend time with her by playing tag, make-believe, and all other games you play with kids. My parents, were absent.
​
Recently they've began to complain. They're always emotionally abusive but they found new ways to be abusive. They say it's **MY** fault for not spending any time with her. They say the reason she gets bad grades on her homework is because **I'm** not attentive. When I try to adress this, they say that They're busy and they work hard for my sister and I. Come Saturday, They'll leave for a shpping trip and come back at 10 or 11. \\
​
Now, my sister has a speech disorder and is a **VERY** late bloomer. I try to help her, but I'm only 13. I really can't do much. Maybe I should be more attentive and my parents are right. Maybe my parents just aren't attentive.
​
​
Am the Asshole?
​
​
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
5vRxblQOiQzpOic57ZCJgobxusVgtU9o
|
ahc25f
|
{
"description": "telling one of my closest friends his behavior isnt acceptable",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling one of my closest friends his behavior isnt acceptable
|
Alright, im quite sure im doing right but i want some other perspective on this particular event.
I have a good friend since around 10 years.
We always hang out and did alot of stuff. But mostly we chilled, smoked alot of weed and drunk.
Not only, we had quite a normal life too, skiing, go swimming and stuff.
So i had my first girlfriend around 6 years ago, i made a big mistake then with having no contact for around half a year, well he also never called me. We got back together and everything was good.
My gf then cheated on me. It was not that heartbreaking for some reasons.
Then a year later i had my next gf. Damn she was the love of my life, she was younger and yes, she maybe wasnt his kind of person, but also there he never really invited us two, always just me. Never asked and other things you do (like i learned the last some months).
Again, i got cheated, and damn it broke me, never had such pain. He was there to have drinks and calling her a stupid bitch n stuff. Had an other good friend who really talked with me for hours.
Alright, we had a nice summer, made bbq and going on the lake like before.
So in october i met my now SO, she is the first one whos older than me and really stable in life with amazing morals. I learn alot from her like she also does from me. We want to grow.
I had a very weird life till last year.
Since then they met twice, both in disco and he, drunked.
She has ADS and is a very active personality, he on the otherhand is more the chiller and likes to talk stupid things. "he hadnt a girlfriend for the last 11 years"
I learnd from the past and call him atleast once or twice a week. Yes i dont have as much time like before, but thats normal, isnt it.
So my SO told me, why he never asks about her, why he doesnt accept our invitations... She never was so bad intigradet from her ex's friends.
I havent said anything against him, all these years, even he talks bad behind my back, and also always talking bad about his others friend. He cant say, listen buddy, thats fucked up from you. We all now he does that.
So i told him that he should accept her and give it a shot, yes i was high but that makes it count less.
So we went skiing last week and he again made 2-3 stupid comments about my relationship with my new SO. As he asked me what im doing tonight and i said im meeting with her, he moaned like he kinda does always.
So i sent a really long text to him, i never did that, guess nobody ever did that to him... I was friendly, not judging himbut showing these things and also critizizing myself for my past.
He didnt answered till two days ago, when his triangle relationship girl who he fucked with(she has a bf) and he always talks bad about them.
SHE texted me on his whatsapp i should shame me and im not a good friend.
Yesterday i tried to go up on his home with some beer. He was at home, but didnt open.
I let the beer there and now waiting till HE is answering...
Sorry for such long story, thanks for any reply.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
BKIUkPLUNrlBtI6kjFAlLaC60XaTFeSa
|
a4lpzq
| null |
AITA? My close friend's LDR bf is staying over and I feel left out
|
So one of my closest friends has been in a relationship with this guy for almost 8 months now. He lives on the other side of the country, and he's been visiting over here for the past couple of weeks. I consider him a good friend too, we talk and play games over Discord. But since he's been visiting, I've barely heard from either of them. Now I understand that they need to spend time together, and they're each other's priorities, but I feel a bit left out because I'd like to spend time with the both of them too, and im kind of... jealous? That they're spending time with each other instead of me. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
VeZzAGpNvMT0YB5Ca2xURUorDxSS15Gl
|
aubkyj
|
{
"description": "asking my family to never ask me anything about my personal life",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my family to never ask me anything about my personal life?
|
I just turned 30 and since I was 11 I pretty much knew I was gay. With that correlation, I also knew there would come a time when my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles would start asking about wife, kids etc. Now, outside of my high school prom, they've never seen me with a women and I don't even talk about my friends with them.
The conversation of me being gay has never come up but they are very homophobic and have made disgusting remarks about gay people. I personally don't plan on coming out to them because it's a headache and drama I don't want. But I do plan on becoming as distant as possible and lowering the number of times I interact with them I order to have my won life.
Recently, the subject of me getting married and having kids came up again and I bluntly had to tell them to stop asking about my personal life because that's a part of me I wont be sharing with anyone except the person I'm seeing. That includes getting married and or having children. Some family members were shocked and upset by what I said but I don't see the big deal.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
CxgaRMGp1CuBdJfwDSb50ZGSRvVwMUc7
|
9zfgbo
|
{
"description": "thinking my roommates should lower my share of the rent because they're having a baby",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for thinking my roommates should lower my share of the rent because they’re having a baby?
|
I live in a 3BR 1BA house with a couple. I have one bedroom, the couple has the master bedroom, and all other space (including the spare bedroom) is shared. I have 1 dog and they have 1 dog. I have a covered parking space on the property and they have an uncovered space. We agreed at move in to split rent $950 me, $1,250 them based on this.
After moving in, the couple decided to have a baby (this was not discussed with me prior to moving in). They are taking over the spare bedroom for a nursery (72 SF of 2,200 SF of the house)
The couple only wants to reduce my rent by $50 for the additional space they’re using (this is less than the per SF cost of the guest room they are taking), and to make no rent changes due to the new baby. They argue that paying more rent on account of baby would be unfairly punitive to them, and that if I have anything major going on (like an exam to study for) they will try to take the baby out of the house so that I am not disturbed. I feel that I will regularly be disturbed (my bedroom shares a wall with nursery where the baby will sleep from age 6 mos. onwards), that this is a fundamental change to the occupants of the house/our living arrangement on which rent is based, and that my rent should be more significantly reduced because of this. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
YnkqbpY8DqKl7L1OnIwUiQ85jlPK7Bnb
|
ag6ww8
|
{
"description": "ignoring/disliking my older brother",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for ignoring/disliking my older brother?
|
For some context. He is 30, I am 24. If my mother hadn't told me that he turned 30 recently I doubt I would have been able to write his age down now. That is how little I care about him nowadays. In the past when I was still sharing a household with him until I was 21, he has been constantly annoying me. I have told him countless times that what he does, annoys me tremendously. I occasionally yelled at him when his actions drove me crazy. He was very possessive, tried to control my decisions, constantly criticizing the things I did in a non constructive way and actively went out of his way to interrupt me in whatever I was doing. To be honest, there is not a single positive memory I share with him. None whatsoever.
Nowadays, I live alone in my own apartment trying to interact with him as little as possible. Some years have passed since I lived with him together. I think if you had asked me whether or not I hate him a few years ago I would have responded with a resounding and immediate yes. Now I just dislike him and ignore him.
Now to current day. Occasionally I visit my parents over the weekend and whenever he is there as well, he tries to talk to me. I usually ignore it. I have heard from my mother that he has been telling her that he tries to get close to me again and that I have been ignoring all of his attempts and that it breaks his heart a little bit.
Am I the asshole for having 0 interest in trying to bond with him? Like I said earlier, I have no positive memory of him in the 21 years I shared a household with him. Not when I was living together with my parents. Not when I moved out and moved in with my other brother and him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 7,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
hwiqRbLClzM3qzru6RStPBMxyd2fQSDo
|
b0fevm
|
{
"description": "asking my brother not to have sex with his girlfriend while I'm around",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 43
}
|
AITA for asking my brother not to have sex with his girlfriend while I'm around?
|
Title makes it sound obvious but his girlfriend called me an asshole so :( turning to reddit. If it means anything, I'm asexual and my brother and his gf know it
I'm staying with my brother because the company I worked for went under. I spend most of my day applying for jobs, but shits hard in my city and I'm really grateful to my brother for letting me sleep on his couch (hell it's a comfortable ass couch)
The first week I was there I got 'home' and grab a beer and relax and my brother comes home. We make talk about our day and later his gf comes home (they live together) and grabs him by the shirt and basically caveman drags him back to the bedroom. Since then they've fucked 3-4 times a week I don't really keep track, but I feel so fucking awkward. it's weird when you know what your brother is into..
anyway I asked after a couple weeks of this if they could do it when I'm not around and he apologized but told me he's not gonna change how he does stuff in his own house. Fair enough, I guess. I know your girl makes you shine her boots (??is that actually a kink) and tells you to slap her so hard she needs a neck brace and I'm not judging but it's really LOUD. it doesn't even sound like sex, she says something ridiculous like that and all I hear is giggles from her it's so weird
He's been with his girlfriend for a year, she's a real sweet girl but she has the mouth of a sailor, it can really give a guy whiplash tbh but I don't really have an issue with it, I think she didn't mean to be so harsh because it's just the way she is but she came up to me the next day and called me an asshole. Said I don't have the right to dictate what she does "in her own fucking house", said I'm not her fucking dad, told me to gtfo if I don't like it
I told my brother his gf was out of line and she basically had a meltdown and told me she has plenty of dildos if I need to replace the stick in my ass with "something better" and said I need to get laid and not "fucking worry what she's doing with (brother)"
I don't fucking care what they do!!! the problem is I can hear everything!! how can i stay out of their business if they make it my business??
My brother stepped in and told me he'd get me some headphones, but then his girlfriend went off again about how this is her house too and she didn't want "your asshole brother" here (it isn't even her house, my brother bought it) Now they're arguing over this and I feel bad but I don't think I was being an asshole
tldr brother's girlfriend is really mad that I asked them not to have loud sex while I'm in the house
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
4Ay6znZ6x84UMl5Zo8cIgOTkgAOXBkqR
|
ak85si
| null |
AITA? Friend (/FWBs) is mad at me for being upset that she treats me like less than a friend even though she thinks she doesn't
|
I moved to a new city last year and through my friend/roomie and through work I made a friend with a girl, we'll call Beth. Beth and I took interest in each other and we slept together a couple times, she's in a non-monogamous relationship for now with her fiance and everyone knew what we were doing and everyone was cool with it. So we agree that we're both down with being friends AND Friends with Benefits. Now she warns me that she has a busy life and can't always hangout, cool, understandable, I get it, I'm not someone you're dating, I'm not looking to date anyone right now, we're just friends who have sex sometimes.
Days, weeks, months pass. I make numerous attempts to not just have sex but also trying to just hang out with my friend. Can't this day, can't that day, can't, have to cancel, cancel, ghost completely, cancel, cancel, ghost me completely, cancel, you get the picture. I do my best not to get upset, she's busy, she does a lot of stuff, it's understandable, whenever I talk to her about how often she cancels on me, she says "well, I don't really just 'hang out' with people, it helps if they have a job for me to do there." Okay, cool, 'Hey, can you come hang out and help me fix my computer?" To which I get answered "I can but I can also send you a YouTube video of how to do it." ... Cool, not like I want to see my friend? Doing what you said was the best way to do that? But I guess you can pass me off to a YouTube video. So I just kinda stop trying so often to do stuff with her and actually find ANOTHER someone interested in me, so I start focusing more time with them since I'm not spending it with Beth.
Eventally this new girl gets a new job and our schedules are opposites, so we see each other less and less until we don't at all anymore. I check in with Beth (and it's not like I've been ghosting her, we still see each other at work and on the RAREST OCCASION she invites me to something)((she 'doesn't really invite people out' either, she prefers to let facebook tell people what's happening)) like one time she invited me out to hang with her and her friends that were in town for the night, we went to a gaming bar and hung out around playing board games. Something she said that might stuck with me and hurt a little bit, her friend says thanks for coming out and she says "of course, when my friends want to see me, I make the effort." And I just keep a straight face at the table, hiding how much it stung.
After that I tried off and on to hang with her again, for several weeks/months trying my damndest not to be a bother to her, bc I don't want to be that guy, I always try to make it work around her, "When are you free?" "You have any free time this week?" To which it will again be various degrees of 'Yes I am" and then a cancel, or 'No, I have something planned with someone I -can't- cancel on them again." (But she can always with me) or for like 2 weeks she was sick as a dog and I told her we could reschedule the date night we planned since she was soon sick, but apparently not sick enough to stop her from making plans with other people or tinder guys. Through all of this I never got mad at her, it's her life and I was just a friend trying my hardest to spend time with someone I thought wanted to spend some time with me, I would get saddened, disheartened, disappointed but never mad at her.
Then come to last night, we have a date night set (that I had to set 3 WEEKS in advance and that I have to actimely remind her about so she doesnt forget about it or ghost me): drinks at the bar after work, then back to my place. Everything is set and I'm ecstatic. She decides that she's going grab her fiance and give him a ride home before I'm off work so she doesn't have to leave our "date" early. Okay, cool, she says it won't effect the night at all. Then it's "hey there is this thing at this bar I'm supposed to go to tonight, want to meet there?" Sure, sounds fun. Then "oh -fiance- wants to come along." Also totes cool with me, her fiance is a cool guy, I like him. I ask if that's going to change the end of the night and she says "no, it wont." I even tell her she won't have to drive at all since I can take her back to my place and back to her place (we live super close to each other) and she is excited about that. Cut to the end of last night and she and her fiance and two other friends are packing some stuff up and her fiance is talking about grabbing an uber for them back home... which is weird, shouldn't she have told him that she was coming back to my place? Then they all start talking about going out for food and at this point it's already midnight. I'm literally watching her forget about me right in front of my face. This hurts a lot, especially through the couple drinks I've had (the drinks aren't an excuse for what happened next, I was just enjoying my time out at the bar). I ask her what they're doing and she says going out and getting food and other stuff. I'm upset now, I tell her and her fiance that I'm just going to go home bc we had plans to go back to my place and those apparently just went out the window without me being told anything.
I know I acted like a child, I should have handled myself better and not gotten so upset infront of her friends but there is only so much being forgotten and ghosted and canceled on before it hits you in the spirit you know? I feel shitty bc she thinks all I expect is sex from her but I've repeatedly told her I would love to hang out as just friends bc I feel she was a close friend and I could talk to her about stuff, especially now since there is some heavy shit on my mind but she can never do that either despite the 'effort' she says she puts in. She also tried to say I didn't want to hang out with her anymore when I found the other girl to start seeing but I only started to see her when she did nothing to try to see me.
I know I acted like an asshole in that moment last night but am I the over-arching asshole?
(Forgive me for any spelling errors, I'm on my phone and the autocorrect is shit.)
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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c2zq1LCx10IXHtl80uM0nUbJQ18Ezh4p
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akuex9
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{
"description": "mocking my friends sister",
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|
AITA for mocking my friends sister?
|
At school today. During lunch I was talking with two of my friends, let’s call them Diego and Marcy. Diego has a sister, let’s call her Dora, who runs a mildly popular YouTube channel. We were talking about said channel, and from the conversations we’ve had it seems Diego isn’t very fond of his sister.
So I stretch my face around to look like Dora, and make fun of her intro. On normal occasions, I shouldn’t be mocking people, but we’re a group that mocks each other constantly.
Diego immediately says, very angrily,
“What did you just say?”
I didn’t want to start any conflict, and it seemed Diego didn’t find it very funny, so I just kept my mouth shut. He asks three or four more times what I said, until Marcy says “I think he made fun of her intro.”
Diego freaks out a bit. He says stuff like “Don’t make fun of my sister, shut up, it’s stupid to do that.” And all the usual stuff he says when he’s mad. I keep my mouth shut, but keep a smirk because I thought it was comical how much he was freaking out over it.
Diego goes downstairs for something, (I thought he had finished classes for the day) so I Snapchat him, saying “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were so sensitive about it.”
I kept thinking, and I thought it was unfair that Diego was basically gonna end our friendship just because I mocked his sister. I Snapchat him, “Let me say my side.” I begin typing, but before I finish he comes back upstairs, and absolutely flips his shit.
Diego goes on for several minutes, saying most of the same things he said before, but yelling everything and making a scene in front of everyone there. I try my absolute hardest not to laugh or smile, and respect what he is saying. I can’t understand it because this is coming from someone who would has mocked disabled people that go to our school, and is always antagonizing the local homosexual furry.
I also don’t know how Diego expects me to respect what he’s saying, when he never listens to me when I tell him to stop annoying other kids, or stop making fun of me or things I do. (He doesn’t do this often, but enough for me to get annoyed.)
He leaves. Marcy is upset with me, and only one teacher overheard the whole thing.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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DTMnXCk8w3G4MZgsK2ovsYtFInQT3Dm1
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b0pgs7
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{
"description": "not telling my boyfriend that I'm married",
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|
AITA for not telling my boyfriend that I’m married
|
I’ll try to make this as short as possible.
A few years back I met a wonderful guy (we’ll call him Henry) who had come to my city from another country to do an internship. We fell in love pretty quickly and had an awesome relationship. The guy he was interning for said he he did so well that he would try and sponsor him. Months pass and his boss kept putting it off. Eventually, he says he can’t sponsor him bc it’s too expensive. At this point we were living together and he was making more money than I was at the time bc I was in college. Anyway, we figure out the only way for him to stay at this point is for us to get married. So we do. Two years later I break up with him (we’re still good friends) because of his immaturity at times and other non serious things. When we got married I promised his family (who I grew very close to when they would visit) that even if we broke up I wouldn’t fuck him over by divorcing him until he got his papers. I kept my word.
A year after the break up, I meet a guy online and we start dating we’ll call him Jake. Now I’m the type of person who doesn’t like to give out too much information early on in the relationship, especially to someone I have never met in person so I don’t bring up the marriage yet. So after dating for a couple of months we agree to meet. I plan to fly over there and visit for a couple of weeks. I decide I’m going to fill him in on the marriage situation in person because I think that’s more appropriate. I call my best friend after I buy my ticket and ask her for advice on how to tell him.
The next week my new bf calls me and tells me he did a background check on me and saw a marriage license. So I fill him in over the phone bc at that point I have to. I tell him that I planned on telling him in person and that I had even discussed it with my best friend a few days ago. He’s pretty chill about it at that time. We stay together.
The problem is that ever since then there were several occasions where he invaded my privacy. He had my password for one thing and used it to get into something else. He says that he can never trust me because I “lied about being married.” I explained to him many times why I didn’t feel comfortable throwing that out there online and that I planned on telling him in person. He still uses it against me and says I’m a liar. Is he right? AITA
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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WRONG
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a52wlq
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{
"description": "causing conflict in my Girlfriend's family",
"pronormative_score": 8,
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|
AITA For Causing Conflict in my Girlfriend's Family?
|
My (21M) girlfriend's (21F) parents are both from Lebanon, and since she was young, have wanted her to marry a Muslim, Lebanese man. I'm very much not that - I'm white as snow and irreligious. She doesn't want to follow their wishes and was able to break off a marriage her parents tried to arrange for her in the past.
Currently, she's making a half-hearted attempt to keep our relationship a secret from them. They know when we're out together and pretty much every time she says she's going to hang out with me, they ask her if we're dating, and she's been denying it, but they essentially know. I'm not 100% comfortable with this, but in my mind it's her decision how to deal with this, and because I don't know her parents or their culture I've just let her do her thing. I've told her that we may as well just come clean at this point, but I haven't pushed the issue.
Of course, her parents aren't happy about this. They've yelled at her a few times over it and have generally expressed their displeasure. Thankfully they've never been violent. The worst that's happened is her dad tried to block her from leaving by standing in the door, but she just left through the back door.
She says that she doesn't really care what her parents think or about her relationship with them, because as she has said, they try to control her and don't respect her. She's currently trying to move out but that may take a few months. Essentially, she's trying to avoid the drama of her openly dating a white guy until she moves out.
Now, my parents know all about this, and my dad has essentially labeled me the asshole for causing conflict in her family. Basically, he's told me that, unless I expect to marry her, I should break it off, because family is everything. I have no idea if I'll marry her - we've been dating for a solid four months. In my mind, if I don't marry her and it's not me who causes conflict, it'd be her next boyfriend, unless he's a Lebanese Muslim. (A relevant detail is that I'm her first boyfriend since the guy they tried to get her to marry, who lived on a different continent for 90% of their engagement)
So I guess my question is twofold - AITA for facilitating her not telling her parents we're dating, and AITA for dating her in the first place when, even if it were open, it would cause conflict with her parents?
Tl;Dr I'm dating a girl whose parents are Lebanese. She's trying (kinda) to keep it a secret, but her parents basically know, and they are not happy. AITA for helping her keep it a secret, and AITA for dating her in the first place if it causes conflict?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ab6yn9
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{
"description": "being angry about my partner's plan to do drugs while I watch our kids",
"pronormative_score": 5,
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}
|
AITA for being angry about my partner’s plan to do drugs while I watch our kids?
|
So, my partner and I are not what you would call burners, by any stretch, but we do enjoy a drug-friendly lifestyle within reason. We have, on rare occasion, taken LSD or MDMA. We have a son and have always tried to make sure that he is safe and out of the house when we do it. We have not partaken in anything but a little bit of weed in over a year, as we had a new baby. Our daughter is now 8 months old and very attached to me, so she is with me 24/7.
We have had a pretty tough year and, when my partner lamented about not getting to take acid or MDMA recently, I suggested he buy some. He agreed and asked me to make contact with someone, so I did and worked everything out.
However, my partner has now decided he wants to do this New Year’s Day. Our daughter is exclusively breastfed and we have no childcare so I cannot do it with him. We have plans with a friend in the morning, so his plan is to drop acid right after they leave around 1:00 PM and I will take care of the kids.
I am very not okay with this. I don’t particularly want my 8 year old son exposed to it nor do I want to babysit my partner through his trip while also caring for our kids. I have demanded that he sequester himself to our bedroom, which he has agreed to do.
I am very upset that my partner expects me to do this. He works 6 days out of the week, often 12+ hours a day, and we barely have any time for each other. It is the winter holidays so we have had family in and out of our home all week and it’s extremely anxiety-inducing me and I need some recuperation time with him, which I can’t get if he does this. I also am uncomfortable with him doing it without me, because we have nearly always done these things together or been with each other the whole time if one of us did it alone. Plus, I am a stay at home parent and spend the majority of my time with our kids and could use a break, or adult companionship at least.
I hate the idea of being unable to spend time with my partner, whose behavior aggravates me when he is high and I am not. I hate the idea of not being able to sleep in my own bed and wrestling with a wiggly infant, who co-sleeps with me, on our sofa. And I hate the idea that I have to take my two kids out in the cold in an unreliable vehicle to drive an hour to pick up these drugs and an hour back. I could barely stand to talk while I drove him to work this morning, I was so angry at him and myself. I know it will likely put a sour mood on our plans with our friend, which is supposed to be a relaxing activity and will only further my resentment. Also, I am very paranoid about what this kind of recreational drug use might invite now that we have 2 children; I don’t want to do anything that might endanger our kids or land us in hot water.
But I do see that he needs and deserves a break. I don’t want to dictate how he spends the little free time he has and I know the family company we’ve had was also bad on his anxiety. It was also me who suggested the drugs in the first place and I feel shitty that I am having second thoughts about it now that he has made a plan. When I’d suggested it, I didn’t know he would want to do it on New Year’s Day. Also (and I haven’t brought this up to him) I bought him a very expensive gift for Christmas that I am still making payments on and he did not get me anything. I have reassured him that I did not need a gift for Christmas, but it would be nice if I could use the money to get something small for myself. I feel that’s petty to bring up, though.
Am I the asshole for not wanting this? I can’t help but feel like I’m being unreasonable.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
PiQHSDKHdvNXXUu8IXLZt9YkMPF5GGIf
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alkq60
|
{
"description": "telling my mom she can just tell when I do something she dislikes instead of lecturing me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
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}
|
AITA for telling my mom she can just tell when I do something she dislikes instead of lecturing me.
|
I'll make this short since it was really dumb. My mom is super pissed at me for two reasons today. A) I made a joke on Facebook she deemed inappropriate, B) After she ranted to me on messenger about how terrible I was and I should be ashamed of myself I told her "sorry I'll take it down, but for future reference you can just tell me you didn't like what I said and I'll take it down no questions asked, no need for a lecture."
Wrong fucking response apparently, came home to a superbly pissed off parent who couldn't believe my nerve and she's refusing to talk to me if I don't apologize. I am an adult and do live with my parents, that's the only reason I took down the original comment (my dad thought it was hilarious btw) but I really don't think I did anything wrong/ owe her an apology. AITA? (I mean I'll probably just apologize to keep the peace around the house, I just wanna know if I was an asshole or not)
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a38kph
|
{
"description": "being mad at my boyfriend for lying about having other sexual partners while we were dati",
"pronormative_score": 7,
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}
|
AITA for being mad at my boyfriend for lying about having other sexual partners while we were dati
|
Soo my boyfriend and i have been together for 2 years, he recently admitted to me that he had other sexual partners when we were dating (and hooking up) before we were exclusive... now i know we weren’t officially exclusive but when i asked him if he had other sexual partners at the time he said no, and any time the topic would come up he reassured me that he wasnt hooking up with anyone else when we were dating even before we were exclusive, last night he told me he had to come clean and that he had other partners during that time, im upset because he lied to me and hes been lying to me the last 2 years.. he thinks I shouldn’t be mad because we weren’t exclusive at the time.... am i the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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b5dchv
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{
"description": "still being close to my dad even though he cheated on my mom",
"pronormative_score": 21,
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}
|
AITA for still being close to my dad even though he cheated on my mom?
|
I’m 24. When I was 20 my parents divorced because my dad was caught having another relationship. I have two sisters, 19 and 17, who both live with my mother. They refuse to have anything to do with him anymore. I on the other hand was upset when it was first happening, but forgave him and continue to have a relationship with him.
It really bothers my mother though. I’m not allowed to bring him up around her at all anymore and I learned pretty quickly not to mention when I was going to see him. I can tell it hurts her that I’m not 100% on her side like both of my sisters, but it kind of feels like their marriage problems aren’t totally my business. I feel like an asshole about it sometimes because what he did was completely shitty and my mom didn’t deserve that. Also it feels a little weird that the girls in the family side completely with her and I as the only son am still close with him.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
iet97bNhU3uG0aRpfbSeqHQJZafAAoSm
|
b673yy
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pay for my Roommate's water bottles",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For Not Wanting To Pay For My Roommate's Water Bottles?
|
About a month ago the basement at our house experienced a sewage backup. Both I and one other housemate had our bedrooms down there. While there was significant damage to the house, thankfully, nothing of mine was touched by the water and only two of his water bottles were touched. They were expensive vacuum thermos ones that were about $25 each.
When the flood recovery people came to clean up they threw the water bottles away and he was understandably angry. I, being the agent for the house, was there when they were cleaning up and *may* have told them to pitch them if they asked me if they should try and salvage them. I say *may* because I have no recollection of them asking me about the water bottles; however, they did ask about some other things and it's possible that I absentmindedly told them to get rid of the bottles.
In good faith I offered to give my roommate $25 for them assuming that I had absentmindedly told the cleaners to get rid of them. But he is insisting on the full $50. So tell me reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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ai8qvt
|
{
"description": "putting pressure on my boyfriend to propose",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for putting pressure on my boyfriend to propose?
|
A bit of background - Me (27F) and my boyfriend (38F) have been together for about five years. Our relationship started while I was getting out of a physically abusive marriage - my SO was incredibly supportive through the criminal trial and divorce, and we went from being friends to having a very committed relationship quite quickly.
For the first few years after we got together, we talked about marriage as a definite thing that would happen, not immediately but some time after my divorce went through. Neither of us were in a rush but it was definitely on the list.
As a result of this understanding, I never changed back from my married name to my maiden name. It didn't seem worth the huge administrative hassle (and having to explain my divorce to work contacts etc.) of going through the change, and honestly my Dad isn't much better than my ex-husband so I didn't much want to carry his name around either!
The longer my SO and I have been together, the less it seems like we have talked about getting married. I didn't get why, so in August 2017 I asked him about it, and it turned into a massive row about how he doesn't want to get married and thinks the whole institution is stupid. He eventually backed down on that, and said that he isn't particularly bothered but was happy to get married to make me happy. He said he wanted to sort a few things in his life first, and we agreed that he would propose within a year - August 2018.
As it happened, that year was pretty busy and to some extent, life got in the way - we moved house (we own together) and that took up most of our time, money, and emotional energy. So August came and went. I left it until Christmas, when I brought up marriage again. I had had too much to drink and was very emotional about it, so I didn't handle the conversation well - it turned into a massive row. He reiterated that he doesn't believe in marriage and doesn't what to do it at all, and said that I don't love him and just want to get married to anyone for the sake of it. I told him I felt betrayed that he had changed his position on marriage, and I would never have gotten into a serious relationship in the first place of he had told me how he felt. I also brought up how horrible it is to have to carry round my ex-husband's name, which he is very aware of.
He said he had been planning to propose in April of this year, but didn't want to now as I have sucked all the joy out of it. I don't think that's fair, and as we never properly discussed it again after making up from the argument, I now don't know if he is planning to propose in April, at some other time, or not at all. I don't want to bring it up again as it always ends up in a screaming match, and we have a great relationship apart from this issue. I wish I would just be happy, bit marriage is really important to me and I what to make this commitment together.
What do you think, AITA?
TL;DR my partner doesn't much want to get married and keeps putting it off, I keep bringing it up as it really matters to me.
|
HISTORICAL
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aegah7
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{
"description": "being upset with my spouse for quitting his job",
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}
|
AITA for being upset with my spouse for quitting his job.
|
My husband's company is restructuring and he was given the choice to quit or be fired. He resigned today. I was upset as resigning means that he doesn't get a severance package and he's not eligible for employment insurance, which would've tided us over until he found another job.
He said that he panicked and didn't want to be escorted out by security in front of everyone. Management gave him the whole afternoon to pack up his desk after he resigned.
I empathize with him (I've been in the same situation before as we live in a province with a volatile economy); but I've told him that I'm unhappy that he chose to quit. I explained that, either way, he would've been out of a job; but getting fired would mean that we have at least some money coming in.
We have 2 kids and a mortgage and there is no way I can pay for it on my own with my salary. AITA for being upset?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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a0eqqb
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{
"description": "not buying candy for my little cousins who's mom just died",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not buying candy for my little cousins who’s mom just died
|
I just had a flash memory of when I was like 12 about 4 or 5 years ago. It was only a few months after Christmas and I have a big family so I had lots of money, normally my mom wouldn’t let me use my money but we were traveling so she made an exception (my mom only let me hold 10 dollars of it at any given time)
At the funeral for my cousin, I never really knew her but still felt sad, I got a little emotional and hungry and went into some kind of a gift shop in the place where we were all eating. To this day I’ve only gone to a couple funerals, don’t know what to call it, but we were just in a big room somewhere that was catered and everyone ate in remembrance of my cousin it was interesting
Anyway ya I went to this gift shop place with ten dollars and bought a big bag of candy. I come back to the table I was stationed at, sat down. My younger cousins showed up after I sat down, the daughter and son of the cousin I had who died. Twins, a boy and a girl. I just met them a few months before, didn’t even know my cousin HAD kids until then. They were probably 5 years old. They couldn’t even remember my name.
The boy has the audacity to reach into my bag and grab a handful of my gummy bears, the girl has the decency to ask.
They then ask if I could buy them candy, I probably didn’t have more than 4 dollars left at that time but knew my mom had a lot more of my money, at least a hundred dollars. I yold them something like “no, ask your dad for money”. My dad then punches me under the table, and whispers something like “they’re mom just fucking died and all they want from you is candy, but it for them”
So I walk to the gift shop area with them, I have them wait outside, I walk inside and wait for about a minute and play on my iPad mini, then I walked back out. I told them they were all out, then I let them split the rest of my candy I had so that to my dad it looked like I bought them candy. I only had about a quarter of the bag left at the time.
I don’t think it was wrong because I’m just a twelve towards old at the time and didn’t have any responsibility for them, they just met me. I guess they viewed me as some sort of an older brother figure because I read them stories and played with them when their mom was sick a few months earlier, but even so I didn’t just magically have responsibility for them. Plus I let them have the rest of my candy, albeit I didn’t really want it.
|
HISTORICAL
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9vge8b
|
{
"description": "sharing my food",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for sharing my food?
|
I did my coworker a favor and in return she offered to buy me lunch when she got hers. This restaurant has big proportions and I never finish more than about half so I had a lot of leftovers. My friend was nearby so I told her she come have the rest of my lunch if she came to me to get it. When she did, my coworker noticed and looked pretty annoyed. Was I being an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
jHErWp1MLQWi0qd8xfpEiS48QMczZk2o
|
9wseyd
|
{
"description": "being bothered by someone working on my floor (in the US, btw) that obviously uses water to clean themselves after #2 in the one-hole men's room, then leaves the floor and seat completely drenched in water",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being bothered by someone working on my floor (in the US, btw) that obviously uses water to clean themselves after #2 in the one-hole men's room, then leaves the floor and seat completely drenched in water?
|
The floor I work on has perhaps 15-20 other men on it. There is a one-hole men's room, and every day, I will see that someone has made a complete mess of it. I mean, water EVERYWHERE. Not a little, like a "splash", but like a whole bottle of water was dumped on the floor and seat. The men on my floor span the globe in origin, from Asia, Africa, Middle East, literally everywhere...VERY multicultural. I really am sure by now that it is not a malicious thing, but a cultural thing. I really don't think this person sees anything wrong with it, but I have traveled a lot, and never seen anything like it. I mean, it's like the toilet is a bird bath. I want to bring it up to the head of our department, because while it may be fine in their culture, leaving the toilet a waterlogged mess is frowned upon everywhere I have ever seen. I can't even use deuce myself in there after this person, because I'll be damned if I clean up someone else's butt-shower mess. It is definitely water, not urine. AIT "non-tolerant American" A?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
mHba0bwH8nPMLPBCVDJ2dUvTlHRfs84Z
|
b3p7sx
|
{
"description": "judging a salesman for having a 'creepy vibe'",
"pronormative_score": 65,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for judging a salesman for having a 'creepy vibe'
|
So I'm currently on maternity leave with my baby, dog keeps me company so day (relevant to the story). I get a knock on the door and almost don't answer it but then remember I've got a book on order so I jump up and go to the door.
There is a guy at the door who is in a worker uniform and informs me that the tree out front is dead and that he is a tree surgeon etc etc. I tell him that it's not in my garden and he would have to speak to the neighbour who owns the land/tree.
I go to close the door thinking he would be on his merry way and but he goes "is that a dog?" And is looking behind me into the house where he then sees my baby in her boppy pillow and starts to ask questions "how old is she?" "will you have more?" Which is fine but then goes on to ask if the dog is protective, does he like strangers etc.
Now this is when I started to get the creepy vibe - that and he kept looking at my chest. I felt like he was asking if the dog would attack him if he came in basically. I lied and said he doesn't like men, apart from my partner and then half closed the door so that if he did try to come in I could have a fighting chance of slamming it.
I think he got the hint and went back to his non descript van (no company name or anything) and sat in there for a while before driving off.
One one hand I feel like I've just judged a guy simply for being a guy cause I wouldn't have reacted that way if it was a lady. On the other hand I watch way too much forensic files and my spidey sences were tingling.
Would you have felt suspicious at this or am I just a dick head that is profiling a guy who is just trying to drum up some business?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 62,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 65,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
TPDoXhMYzj4DNoR3098CBjyPtCZLe5WV
|
a1hxyv
|
{
"description": "refusing to go on a holiday that my parents booked for me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For refusing to go on a holiday that my parents booked for me?
|
My parents booked a 4 day solo holiday for me, as a birthday treat. I really appreciate it, the planning they did, the though behind it and the money they spent, but, I just can't go!
Ive recently lost my job and I have basically 0 money, so no spending money. On top of that my mental health isn't in great shape, which I told them but they were uninterested and only cared about the money wasted, which is fair enough.
They can't get a refund on anything which they're angry about, I am too, but right now I dont feel capable of going to a foreign country alone, I'm suffering from paranoia and DP/DR. I told them how much I appreciate it, but things all happend at the wrong time.
AITA for explaining to them that I can't go?
Thanks
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
A8LQS6HHLkQPHSRCGcuF73HHjpHGt0uJ
|
asci06
|
{
"description": "screaming (and swearing) at a kid at my school in a lesson",
"pronormative_score": 36,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for screaming (and swearing) at a kid at my school in a lesson?
|
Any translations for British words for Americans are made in brackets
Backstory:
I'm 14 and I have a disability in my leg which cases lots of pain in my legs and I need to be frequent surgeries so they can keep my disability under control. These surgeries aren't massive but leave me with lots of pain and a massive lack of mobility, meaning I can't to P.E. (gym) and I need a pair of crutches.
So there is a kid in my year (grade) who is a dick, I will call him James. So before class started everyone is talking in the sports hall and just messing around, however given the fact that I was on crutches at the time due to surgery I was unable to partake in P.E. so I just sat on a bench at the side with my crutches on the floor next to me. Anyway James comes along and the two second conversation goes like this:
James: Can I borrow your crutches?
Me: Why?
James: I wanna mess around on them.
Me: No.
James: Please!!!!
Me: No.
James: Okay thanks!
And James takes my crutches leaving me unable to really move (but I was sat down so it wasn't a missive issue). Anyway James is running around with my crutches and I am saying stuff like "give them back", by the way I am pretty introverted and I am pretty unpopular with only a small friend group, most of them are girls and my only guy friend is still getting changed for P.E. meaning there is no one to back me up.
So this goes on for about 30 seconds and I start to get pissed at him, so I stand up using my other leg which actually works and scream at him,
"GIVE ME BACK MY CRUTCH OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL DRIVE IT THROUGH YOUR FUCKING STOMACH"
It was at this point a teacher came in and James turned white as a sheet. I turn around and look at the teacher and say calmly,
"He took my crutches"
My parents get called but they don't really care and James gets excluded, I get no punishment.
AITA for screaming at James and getting him excluded?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 35,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 36,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
QMBF8Txw1i9dwqh5AQKTrqY8yvgIyNjp
|
agsynh
|
{
"description": "not showing my mom a group text that did not involve her",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not showing my mom a group text that did not involve her?
|
Hi. I’ve posted here before using a different throwaway, but I don’t remember the password.
My mom and I frequently fight. Today it was because she told me that my dad was out of the hospital. I told her that I knew, and she got angry because I knew and hadn’t told her.
For context, she was not angry because she is worried about my dad and wants to know if he is well. They divorced a little over four years ago, and she frequently says a lot of bad stuff about him. Some of it is true.
She asks who was on the group chat. I tell her the truth: I have no idea because all the contacts were numbers that I didn’t recognize except for my brother.
She asks me to add her to the chat. I tell her that I probably shouldn’t because she and my dad are divorced and if he wanted her on the chat he would’ve done it.
She freaks out. Tells me to show her the chat. I tell her again, I shouldn’t for the same reasons.
“Fuck you,” she says.
I’m thrown. She stomps off for a minute, and then comes back and rages, saying that she bad to ask (name of dad’s caretaker) to see if he was out and me (his daughter) was just told.
I laugh nervously, because again, I’m just completely shocked.
“I’m his daughter. You’re his ex wife who talks shit about him,” I say.
She tells me ‘fuck you’ again, calls my dad’s caretaker, and starts yelling at her for not including her in the chat. She says: ‘my daughter is refusing to tell me what was said in the chat,’ and I call out so the person on the phone can hear me ‘she said “fuck you’ 3 times to me!”
If looks could kill, I would’ve been dead a long time ago. This would have made me extra-dead.
She loses it. Still on the phone, she yells “FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU!”
I hear dad’s caretaker gasp and my mom starts rationalizing what she just said over the phone while I run up to my room and type this out.
She’s still on the phone. I’m writing this.
I might have been being a bratty teenager. I’m not the best at holding my temper- never have been, either. I think me saying that she was just the ex wife was mean, but she said bad stuff too.
I don’t know. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
pQ0TXaBJSQRjnTl0brhjHcBldq96QiSP
|
b8lkj9
|
{
"description": "not combing my hair",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not combing my hair?
|
Okay I know this sounds like a shitpost but I like wearing my hair kind of messy. I think I look cute that way. My mom disagrees and thinks I should always comb my hair before I leave. I always comb my hair before going in a professional setting but my mom thinks I should comb my hair all the time and then went on a tangent on how people will judge my appearance if I don't comb my hair. I don't think this is true. I don't think most people would give two shits on how I wear my hair. I'm otherwise well-groomed. I shower almost everyday, I wear clean clothes, etc. I think the last thing people would notice about me is my hair. AITA for not listening to her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
vu5Jy2y5eBkWqDCaFhwhFjWHSTueUGoj
|
9x3g6g
|
{
"description": "beating up a drunk guy",
"pronormative_score": 26,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for beating up a drunk guy?
|
I made a throwaway because to many people know my account and I don't want to start anymore drama.
And this is more of a "Am I also the asshole?" but I am not sure that is an option here.
So over the weekend me and my girlfriend went to a friends party. It turned out to be much bigger than I was expecting and filled with people that I didn't know.
Fairly shortly after we get there I go into the kitchen to grab myself and my girlfriend another drink. On my way back I see this guy walk about behind my girlfriend grab the middle of her ass, with his 2 middle fingers going between her legs (she is wearing tight jeans). I quickly put the drinks down and I blindside him. And then hit him 1 or 2 more times before people pull me off of him.
I don't think anyone will argue that this dude isn't an asshole and a creep. But both my buddy and my girlfriend are acting like I am some monster that overreacted to some guy that was "drunk and stupid and didn't know what he was doing."
I have absolutely no remorse for attacking him, and I would 100% do it again. Does that make me also the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 25,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 26,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
RIGHT
|
d9k4mbu7p5FvPm39og3tKgMwD8Pb3heI
|
aeypkq
|
{
"description": "being upset about my husband buying diamond earrings for a coworker",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA for being upset about my husband buying diamond earrings for a coworker?
|
AITA for thinking it is inappropriate for my husband to buy diamond earrings for a coworker? I (41F) am married to a (38M) military service member that is deployed to an overseas location where he operates with a team on male and female military and contract personnel.
Recently, he was briefly away from his deployed location and sent to a base where there was an exchange (like a mini mall with stores that have all kinds of things not available at the deployed location). Since he had access to an exchange he offered to grab things to take back to his coworkers at the deployed location when he heads back. One of the items he purchased was a set of diamond earrings for a female coworker. Apparently a pair she had broke and she asked for a replacement. My husband has never even bought *me* a pair of diamond earrings but he purchased a pair to take back to her so am a little frustrated to say the least.
The reason I know about this is because he told me that he would be buying things to take back to people where he was at. To his credit he gave me a heads up that he was going to be taking pictures of some of the things he planned to buy, just so that he could send those photos to the people downrange to make sure he got them what they wanted. I do not recall him saying that he was going to buy *diamond earrings* for someone however. The reason I know he bought them is because there was a photo of them included in our shared family photo stream of the items he purchased.
AITA for thinking this it totally inappropriate? Honestly am really upset about this and don’t get why: 1. someone would ask another person to buy them diamond earrings to wear at a deployed location and 2. why my husband wouldn’t push back and say something like “I’ll grab smaller needed items but not something like that...” we have been married for over 10 years and not had any issues with infidelity.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 14
}
|
WRONG
|
4oyQwiNduZOFT4kc2NKxxzdpo51FkcQZ
|
askxho
|
{
"description": "leaving my job",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving my job?
|
So today, I had to leave one of my jobs because the other abruptly gave me hours that coincided with the other. I TRIED to fight for my other job but the job with my primary healthcare benefits refused. I decided to give my ex coworkers that I was cool with a heads up. They seemed really cool about it at first but then they started treating me like a jerk because I didn’t stay. I expected my ex boss to be angry about this since I didn’t give a formal 2-week notice, but I thought my friends would be a little more understanding that I do need healthcare benefits and better possibilities of moving up. That wasn’t offered at my other job.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
QkCXw8XmmXrbRuFeRyB7pratpbnLYid7
|
aylish
|
{
"description": "not wanting to eat at the table with my family on my aunt's birthday",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for not wanting to eat at the table with my family on my aunt's birthday.
|
So it is my aunt's birthday soon and my family decided to have her birthday dinner at our house. I told my mom that I didn't want to eat at the table with them and this made her pretty mad. I didn't want to eat with them because I don't enjoy spending time with my extended family. Every time I eat with my EF I always feel incredibly awkward and uncomfortable, and I really don't like talking with them. I have nothing against my aunt or my EF but I just don't want to eat with them. I have no real personal relationship with my aunt outside of family obligation.
My mother is trying to force me to eat with them because it's her birthday, but I keep refusing. She's very insistent on it and gets really angry that I don't want to do it, even though I gave her my reasoning.
I think that what I want makes sense and is pretty reasonable, but my mom certainly doesn't agree with me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 16
}
|
WRONG
|
09DDXgyzfi3sCHghQw4BeYVar69ibVtY
|
auf3b4
|
{
"description": "asking someone not to drink from a glass bottle in the hot tub",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking someone not to drink from a glass bottle in the hot tub?
|
For some context, my family and I were at a hotel in a hot tub. A man came and sat down in the hot tub with a glass beer bottle wrapped in a towel. The pool had signs clearly stating that glass was prohibited in the pool area.
A few months prior I had been at a hotel specifically to use the pool, and right after we checked in, the pool was closed to clean up glass from a broken beer bottle. So this time, I felt compelled to say something.
I moved over next to him and asked if he could take his beer somewhere else. To which he replied, "Its is ok, I come here every weekend. I have been here since 8 AM (it's 11:30 AM). This is my twelfth beer and I have this towel wrapped around it (implying this was to keep it from slipping)." We conversed a little more uncomfortably, and he made it clear he thought this towel solved everything. I responded with, "Because accidents never happen." We talked a little longer, the conversation warmed up, and I let it go.
So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
pRw5KsggBZucCQRAsIxVsSCYEXDLXsQW
|
ag7si6
|
{
"description": "messaging my friends girlfriend that she should break up with him",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for messaging my friends girlfriend that she should break up with him
|
Backstory:
So my friend let's call him "N" and his girlfriend let's call her "E"
So E lives in the different country but she comes home to our country during holidays. This time she came during Christmas.
After the holidays she flew back to her country. And he cheated on her while being drunk.I usually dont give a shit. But i met E and she is shy'ish and a nice girl overall. And N bragged that he did what he did.
I created alt accounts on social media (so he wouldn't know it was us who did it) we warned her. She didn't listen. So we sent the pictures of him and the girl drunkenly hugging during the party i was in. (because i alredy knew what will probably happen).E finally believed me she dumped him. I feel that i did invade theyr privacy and life.
AITA for not minding our business.
Tldr: My friends girlfriend lives in a different country and he cheats on her. And i warn her and make her believe that she needs to dump him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
hTDaey9oL0Wbd1pOV0rnzbBs6gggxXIQ
|
9tn2bl
|
{
"description": "not agreeing with my boss on Holocaust",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not agreeing with my boss on Holocaust
|
This happened a while ago and frankly I still can’t wrap my head around what happened or if I was right. It was my first day of work and my bosses took me out for dinner when we started talking about European country and German people (one of them is German). The topic shifted towards the heavy end and we started talking about the holocaust. One of the boss (let’s call him joe) started saying how the holocaust happened for a reason, and Hitler did what he thought was best to eradicate the problem (that Jewish people are monopolizing the legal systems and many other industries bla bla). Joe said hitler isn’t a bad person for carrying out the holocaust because hitler believed in his logic and his method, as nobody could’ve done it better. I do not know anything about history and culture of Jews or the proclaimed monopoly of any systems, so I said that I really don’t agree with you because monstrosity like the Holocaust should not happen for any reason whatsoever and no one or race deserve to suffer from it. He condescended me and indicated that I don’t understand his argument. Joe said he made his argument from a place of empathy, where he is trying to empathize with the decisions and actions of Hitler. I disagreed with him again but we seem to be on different pages, so I turned off completely and was on my phone for the rest of the dinner. Am I the asshole here??
TLDR: don’t agree with my boss on his view of the holocaust so decided not to listen to his tirade. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
lwepftZgyciJJPaCMR6yPKB8Mt3pDkrf
|
b69x54
|
{
"description": "cancelling my therapy",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For cancelling my therapy?
|
I started therapy once a week around May of 2018 because my mental health had been negatively effecting my relationship, job, and overall well being. It was immensely helpful and it helped me get medicated and start becoming more normal and not a wreck all the time. Fast forward to now, I had therapy tomorrow but my boyfriends parents are coming over a couple hours to celebrate his birthday early. I thought it would be okay to cancel this appointment to spend time with them and clean before they are over. However, my boyfriend got mad at me when I told him. He said “we’ve talked about this” (referring to when I hadn’t been medicated yet and would cancel appointments just because) and when I responded that I’ve been doing better and I have tools to help me here for the time being, he just said sorry and that he understood why but he definitely looked extremely disappointed in me. One session isn’t going to break me, especially since one particular incident that made something in my head click into place and made things easier to accept and move on. I’ve got all the tools available that I learned in therapy and handouts that were given to me so if I have a hard time I can read through them to help me calm down.
Idk...
I just wanna know, am I the asshole for cancelling my therapy appointment?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
lh8R6Wre6lQy4oEC413p3iwOen3cstge
|
amakiw
|
{
"description": "exposing my cheating girlfriend and telling the other guy she cheated on him",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for exposing my cheating girlfriend and telling the other guy she cheated on him?
|
Ok, so I just found out my girlfriend cheated on me. She literally blocked me and left without a word. So my friend looked at her account and saw that she had someone else on her bio with hearts and kissy faces on it. I was fucking livid, I was pissed, I gave her a 2nd chance and she fucked it up again.
Now, I knew her in real life, and she's avoiding the problem and ignoring it. I know how she is and she trys to play the victim card saying that "Everyone I date abuses me!", when shes actually causing the problem and making it worse for herself.
So I exposed her to my friends and told her she was a Liar, a cheater, and a manipulator ((she tends to use her emotions as an advantage.)).
I then told the current boyfriend of hers that she cheated on him with me, he didn't listen though. Although I know she'll do the same shit to him as well.
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
nhD8KTEV1kTULwdzq7j1llCc0LyNSb1K
|
aui77o
|
{
"description": "calling out an acquaintance who makes negative comments about her crush's girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for calling out an acquaintance who makes negative comments about her crush’s girlfriend?
|
I know this girl, P [22F], who I’m not really close to, but I spend a lot of time around due to mutual friends. She’s always talked about one of her close male friends who she has the most obvious crush on. She doesn’t hide it from anyone and has even revealed it to him a few times which he has seemingly ignored. Not to be mean, but objectively the male friend is out of her league. She in the past has always made really aggressive comments about how she wouldn’t be able to deal with him having a girlfriend even saying threatening things in regards to this hypothetical relationship/girl. Well, sure enough he has a new girlfriend as of 3 weeks ago and it’s all I’ve been hearing about.
I personally can’t stand when girls tear down other girls and it’s been infuriating me that she is basically bullying this girl who she hasn’t even met just because she’s dating her crush. I don’t know how to respond when she says things about this girl/the situation because everyone else is just trying to make her feel better by agreeing so I just go along with it, but honestly the things she says are so toxic and she sounds like a middle school brat. I don’t get how someone can be this jealous and disillusioned. The girlfriend is gorgeous and seems really sweet, but P downplays her appearance and makes assumptions that she’s a bitch and is constantly comparing her to herself.
So basically, would I be an asshole if I called her out on this? On one hand, I know that she’s just venting to people outside of the situation and probably wouldn’t act that way to her actual friend and this girl; she’s just hurt and needs a target for her frustrations. On the other hand, I hate having to be a participate/bystander to her jealous rage to this innocent girl and think she needs a wake up call. I want to tell her that she should just give the girl a chance and be happy for her friend next time she brings it up.
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HYPOTHETICAL
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{
"description": "being hurt and upset that my boyfriend refused to even be near me while sick with fever",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being hurt and upset that my boyfriend refused to even be near me while sick with fever?
|
Yesterday I had a headache all day and by the end of the night, I was feverish with no other symptoms than headache and fatigue. Because I don't want to get him sick, I didn't ask my boyfriend to come take care of me or anything. I only asked him to drop off my phone charger that I had left in his apartment (he lives 2 blocks away).
He showed up with my charger, which I'm grateful for, but he didn't even enter the apartment and when I stepped closer to him to give him a light hug, he stepped back as if he is disgusted, then he made excuses to rush back to his apartment. I called out this manner of treatment, and he wrapped it up as a joke, yet still made it clear that he has no intention of being near me while I'm sick and contagious.
All I wanted was a light hug or gestures that he cares and worries about me, but he still feels it is reasonable to avoid contact whatsoever because of the tiny chance that he might get sick from a 2 second hug. Am I the asshole here for getting upset and hurt?
UPDATE: The same weekend, he got sick from his roommate, who also was sick, and decided to blame it on me, because apparently the new years eve party that I brought them to got us sick, then got him sick. He then started to go on about how he's going to fail this busy season (he's an auditor) because of getting sick and from the stress that I put him through on the first day of busy season by getting sick and upset. I guess I was the asshole :/
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "getting mad at my boyfriend over a concert",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my boyfriend over a concert?
|
So I'm probably the asshole in this situation, but I want another point of view.
I'm 20 years old, and in the summer, my boyfriend of 4 years asked me to go to a concert with him for our anniversary. I was really excited because this is the only real date we have ever been on for the entire four years of our relationship. The most we have done is gone to the movie theatre and we usually hang out at his house and chat. And yes, he considers these to be dates.
Anyway, today, two days before our concert, he tells me he's not sure if its gonna work as the band we want to see starts at 10 pm and play until 1130 pm. I'm immediately irked because so what? Its a friday night, and you have nothing to do on the weekend at all. He says its because of health concerns because he doesn't want to get sick for his exam because he stayed up too late. His exam is on Wednesday. At 11.
So I snap. I get angry, yell, and long story short, I ask him for the tickets so I can go alone because I spent my money on a ticket to see a concert for our anniversary. He said that, since he paid for the tickets, he has to go too because they check ID. So I can't even go by myself.
And yes, I know health concerns are valid, but he and I have the same health problems, its how we got close in our friend group.
So now I'm not talking to him because I know it'll just end in disaster and I'm furious and hurt and honestly, I just feel like crying out if frustration. Am I the asshole in this?
If someone could also tell me a better way to convey how I feel over just yelling and getting angry, that'd be appreciated.
Tldr: boyfriend offers to take me to a concert as our only date in 4 years, i have to pay for my own ticket, and now he says hes not sure about going due to concerns about staying out to 1 in the morning. I yell at him, now am refusing to talk to him.
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HISTORICAL
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antquj
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{
"description": "turning my girlfriend down on being a 'caretaker' for her",
"pronormative_score": 60,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for turning my girlfriend down on being a 'caretaker' for her
|
I have been dating my girlfriend for about a year now. It's been smooth but yesterday she came out about being a 'little'. I had no idea what it was about until I looked it up and I want absolutly no part in it. I don't judge couples if both of them want a relationship like that, but I really don't want it for myself
I turned her down when she asked me to be her 'caretaker' or something, and now she hasn't talked to me in a while. I really dont feel comfortable with treating my girlfriend like a little kid, and part of me thinks this is a phase because she'a never really brought this up before.
She said she didn't think she could date someone who doesn't accept her for who she is, and that I'm an asshole for not even considering it. We kind of fought for a little bit, me saying that I'm not into that sort of thing and her saying that if I loved her I would accept it. This whole ordeal is stressful and weird because I've never seen her act like this, but I also can't help but feel guilty since I wasn't exactly open minded when I looked it up. I've talked with some mutual friends and they've said that I should at least try it, but even the thought makes me just weirded out. I love this girl but I really don't want to do something that I'm completely not comfortable with. It seems like a really big deal to her.
So, am I the asshole for turning her down?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "correcting another kid's behaviour in my home",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for correcting another kid's behaviour in my home?
|
A little of a backstory. I'm 31 non-native english speaker, have a 8 yo daughter, who lives with her mother. I have helped raise her, tho, been at her house, and all that, so I've been a part in her education/manners. Also, she spends every saturday with me.
​
A few weeks ago, a friend of mine from school got in touch with me via Facebook (we were classmates and good friends in school, but after graduation we went our separate ways). She tells me she moved back to town, she's got a kid (6 yo), got married, got divorced (husband cheated on her) and stuff. Since we've got kids who are around the same age, maybe we could meet up and the kids could play while we catch up. Sounds OK to me and my kid agrees, so we do.
​
They came to our house and they get along, playing until it's time to eat (tea time). So we are eating, and suddenly this kid farts. I look at him, and so does his mom, but we don't say anything. The kid then rips another one. My daughter looks at me kinda shocked, and the kid starts laughing and lets another one out. I look at my friend and she just looks me back and says "kids will be kids". So I look at the kid and say "you shouldn't fart on the table, kid" in my friendly-yet-firm dad voice.
​
He doesn't respond and starts eating his sandwich. He eats with his mouth open, talks while eating, and I can notice my daughter is annoyed. Suddenly, the kid farts again and starts laughing (again, mouth full with his sandwich bite.)
​
I got annoyed. He's 6, but he should at least apologize. So I tell him "Hey, \[blank\], you shouldn't eat with your mouth open. And if you're gonna fart, at least apologize. I know farts can sound funny but we are eating. It's not polite." His mom tells him to listen to me, and he kinda does (he still eats with his mouth half open, but no more farts.)
​
We finish eating and the kids go back to play, only my daughter now doesn't want to play with him. She asks if she can play with my phone, and the kid wants to play smash bros (wii U) so I put him against the CPU. Eventually, they have to leave. They live close so we walk. We let them at their house and everything seems normal, except is mom was silent the whole walk.
​
When I got tome, I text her saying my daughter and I got home safely. She texts me back a "that's nice" and then proceeds to tell me she liked the visit but was kinda annoyed of me lecturing her kid. That she get's it not the best behaviour but I should have overlooked it, and that the kid said he would like to come by again to play but didn't like me "acting like a dad". I tell her that I get her point, but in my house, and in my table, we behave, and that at no moment was I rude or harsh to her kid, I was acting mainly because my daughter showed concern. She responds that's ok, but to remember that "kids are kids". My daughter said she liked playing with him but "didn't like him while eating" (her words)
​
So, AITA here?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "still going to Texas to buy a car",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for still going to Texas to buy a car?
|
TLDR: My wife doesn’t want me to go to Texas to buy the car I want because I bought another car first that I’m fixing to sell so I don’t spend more than I have in my personal fun money account.
I have been saving my blow money for quite a while to get a convertible. I’ve been looking for a while and finally settled on getting a Nissan 350Z. I’ve shown a bunch of to my family to see what they like and found one in Texas that everyone loves for about $4000 less than I can find around me. I’m in Indiana. I asked my wife if she would be ok with my flying there to get it and driving it back and she said ok. It was going to be about two weeks until I could go get in. In the mean time I paid for them to go get it inspected and bought a non refundable plane ticket.
Then this Monday a crazy deal for a 350Z showed up on Craigslist. I’ll end up paying half of what it is once we finish fixing it up. But it’s older and has more miles than the one in Texas. After much internal debate I decided what I wanted to do was sell the one I just bought and still get the one in Texas. I have money from “side gigs” I’ve done so I can pay cash for them both of them and all money from the one I sell will make the Texas car cheaper.
But now my wife thinks ITA for still going to Texas when I just bought a car. She’s worried about every scenario that could go wrong (It is a 1000 mile drive). And she’ll have to take care of the kids for two days herself (just like I am this weekend when she is working). She thinks I should eat the plane ticket $300, and what I paid for the inspection $140, and tell them I won’t do the deal even though they have taken the car off the market for two weeks.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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a23qgg
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{
"description": "making a \"bad\" joke at Thanksgiving",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for making a "bad" joke at Thanksgiving?
|
I read these all the time and thought I'd throw this moment from this last Thanksgiving out there for the court of public opinion (if anyone cares to read).
​
This last Thanksgiving, my older sister invited her friend to the event. We'll name her Claire. I've met Claire before and think of her as a very nice/funny person. I've also found out, from my sister, that she usually doesn't have places to go for the major holidays. So, overall, I think it's completely fine that she's around. For our backgrounds, she is of Indian descent and I'm half Japanese/ half Caucasian.
​
We're all having dinner and everyone is making conversation (it's around 12 people, but my family can be fairly loud when it comes to holiday dinners). The table is sorted by age so I'm sitting on the end with my older and little sister and their SO's and Claire at the "kids" side (we're all mid 20's) while the "adults" are on the other end. The conversation starts lulling and my little sister sneezes. My dad, uncle and aunt all say, at staggered times, "Bless you!" Then, after a beat, I say "hey, screw you!" and get a pretty decent laugh from the table. My little sister and I have a good relationship so we start bantering and (now that I have everyone's attention) I get into a bit about how if you want to do a similar joke in a elevator, wait until someone sneezes and say "hey, shut up" or "shhhh" or something in the means to quiet them. Claire then speaks up and says "actually, if you were a brown person you wouldn't be able to make that kind of joke." This essentially silence me/my family for another beat until someone quickly changed the subject.
​
I know explaining jokes makes them not funny, but to me in the context of the situation, saying the opposite of what is expected/conventional is classic joke material. To Claire's point, I'm a mixed kid but have been described as "white passing" where she has darker skin so it is something on her mind more often than mine. However, I got really agitated by that situation. I was essentially privilege checked on something that I personally do not equivocate as to actually being generally offensive/race based. I also (and after some thought this is definitely an emotional piece of it) do not think it's very respectful/fair to do something like that when you're a guest at a holiday. I lean liberal and have worked in fields involving minority issues and while I'm no expert I've never been called overtly racist or prejudiced.
​
I've had many conversations with friends (not family) over the last week and honestly it's been hard to find the real truth. The best I've been able to come up with is "I'm not right really for what I said, but she's also not right in her response." So any input on this situation is deeply appreciated.
​
​
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HISTORICAL
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apafe1
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{
"description": "getting a phd student in trouble for not paying cover at a bar",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
WIBTA if I got a PhD student in trouble for not paying cover at a bar?
|
Hi AITA!
I work a club on the weekends as a bouncer. We have a $9 cover on Saturday nights, and while it's high, a lot of people still pay it. I was working our side entrance (which has 1 bouncer and 1 register clerk) when a group of college students got in line. I checked IDs for 3 of them, and continued down the line. 2 women (1 of which I checked in), stopped for a second at the register, and then proceeded to take advantage that we were really busy, and decided not to pay. I saw this and ran past them, and they also started running. They tried losing me in the club, but I caught back up to them, and told them they needed to pay. One girl said "yeaaaa... sure we do", and then sprinted off again. I lost track of them, but got one of their names from our system.
While she's banned from entering the club, her name is very unique, and it didn't take but a quick google search to find that she's a PhD student researching at a nearby university.
So Reddit, WIBTA if I called her department and alerted them that of her actions last night?
​
Thanks!
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HYPOTHETICAL
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WRONG
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{
"description": "being upset my roommate got a dog",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset my roommate got a dog?
|
My roommate (we're in our mid 20s) has an abusive and shitty bf ...so three months ago he gets "them" a dog. I'm not exactly sure how the "them" part of it is going to work out because he never comes to visit (for one) and for two she works 8am-8/9pm every day and I get home at 5.
I told her from the very beginning that I wasn't okay with a large pit/lab in a 600 sq ft apartment and that it wasnt a good time for me to take care of a dog after work as I'm often pretty busy with friends after work and I didn't want to feel like it was my obligation to come home and take care of a dog that was not mine. She rolled her eyes at me but didn't say much.
2 weeks after she says that she needs to watch it for the week and asks if I can help. I told her no, I'm sorry but every afternoon was booked that week so I was unable to help out with it as I had previously said. She got upset because I should be able to come home after work to at least take the dog out and that I was being rude and unkind to the dog.
6 weeks has gone by since the bf got the dog and he decides that it is too much work for him to take care of it and wants to give it up. She FLIPS out and refuses to let him take the dog to the shelter. She claims that she knows someone that wants to take the dog, but the dog has to be out of bf's house because his landlords are also threatening to evict him for breed restrictions....So I say fine, bring it back here as long as it is going somewhere this weekend. 10 min after she walks in the door she's crying because the family fell through that was going to take the dog. Great. Now there's this dog here which I was adamant about not wanting in my apartment and not wanting to take care of and I've been roped into it anyway. It's been here now 4 weeks & she's given up looking.
I feel like I have been disrespected from the start, and that it shouldn't be my responsibility to take care of this dog for 4 hrs until she gets home from work. To her, I'm selfish cuz if it were her in this position she would be doing anything and everything to help out with the dog.
Basically this whole situation has completely ruined our friendship because she doesn't see how I feel disrespected. I feel like a stubborn b\*tch because I'm standing my ground after having bluntly said what I was comfortable with for our living situation and I'm not quite sure how she's so oblivious to seeing that she did anything wrong.....which makes me second guess if I am in the wrong or not.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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ay5h32
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{
"description": "not tasting my wife's dinner",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 21
}
|
AITA for not tasting my wife's dinner?
|
I'm pushing mid 40s and my eating habits are still childish. I have a very limited diet which my wife has diagnosed as a disorder. I have no major health issues, I'm not overweight but I don't exercise or do anything constructive.
Anywho my wife decided to serve a new burger that wasn't from meat and I refused to even taste it. She says I'm not trying to live a healthier lifestyle and that can affect her and the kids. I'm not trying to be difficult but why can't I eat what I know I like?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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aplkqm
|
{
"description": "saying, my ex-boyfriend, cheated on me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for saying, my ex-boyfriend, cheated on me?
|
Okay so all of this takes place back in September, and our relationship is long over (I broke up with him). A little bit of backstory first. I was dating a guy who lived over a thousand miles away, and we only had the chance to meet up for a few weeks in July. We had been dating for under a year when we meet up (10 months) so it had been an entire year by September. Now that we got that out of the way, let's get to the important part.
This girl (who I'll call Zoe) asked him to homecoming and what he told me is that he thought it was as friends, but then realized it wasn't and I asked him if she knew he was already dating me. He said no, and I kept telling him to make sure she knew and he kinda just dodged it. He told me he was going to homecoming and I asked if he was going with Zoe and he said yes, but as friends. He refused to tell me if she knew that or not. He said afterward he was hanging out with friends and then he completed stopped replying(not that I was spamming him, but I just wanted to know what he was doing) for several hours late into the night. A few days later I found out from his friends that Zoe was telling everyone that her and MY boyfriend were dating and when I asked him about it, he totally denied it at first. I was with friends at the time, when he finally emitted that he made out with her and gave her hickeys (probably more but idk). I had a pretty bad panic attack in front of my friends (they were also his friends) and I told them that he cheated on me.
Later on, he told me he was really drunk when it happened and that I was an asshole for telling them that he cheated on me because when he did it he was just drunk and that Zoe forced herself on him. He also said he didn't tell Zoe he was taken because he was afraid of her killing herself if he did since she was apparently really fragile. Like a complete idiot, I apologized and tried to smooth things over with my friends but they didn't buy it.
We dated for another month before I broke it off because of us constantly fighting, as well as the fact he wouldn't let me talk/hang out with my male friends(I don't mean alone, I couldn't go out with groups if they even had one boy in them). Not to mention that from then on he told me to never talk to his friends and he wanted our relationship to be completely private from then on, which felt a bit suspicious.
Even though this all happened a while ago, I'm curious as to if he was actually right that I shouldn't have done what I did, or if I was right. I don't really understand a lot of basic concepts of human interaction, so I'm bad at judging situations like this haha. This is my first Reddit post btw, so I hope you enjoyed it <3
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "taking an uber by myself at 17",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For taking an uber by myself at 17?
|
Tl;dr I'm 17 and uber TOS says that only 18 and older passengers can ride without an adult present. I was essentially stranded in a city I didn't know my way around with uber being my only means of getting home. Someone called me out on r/uber saying I'm scamming drivers because I was breaking TOS for being underage and riding alone. I disagree with the notion that I'm scamming drivers. Though I agree I broke TOS. AITA for this?
I'm a 17 year old girl. I just got off the train from Ottawa into Toronto. The train was about an hour late so it through my whole plan of schedule. I was planning on taking the public transit train home, but because of the time I had arrived that train was no longer running.
I texted my mom and asked her to pick me up. She sad she couldn't because it had just gotten dark. She can't drive at night because all the lights just become one big blur so it's really unsafe for her.
I looked at my options. There was a train that would be way to expensive for the journey. And the other two options I wouldn't be able to get to in time because the station I was in was huge and I had no idea where anything was.
The only options left were Uber, Lyft or a taxi. A taxi would be way too expensive for us a d we had only planned to pay around 13 dollars for the train and buses home. Lyft would cost around 40 dollars to get home and uber was around 33. A bit more than I would have liked but better than the ~80 dollars it would cost for the taxi. So I downloaded the app used my mom's account and after a couple of cancelled trips and people claiming that I was in the car when I wasn't I got home. No trouble, no my phone was charged and I was ready to contact 911 if need be.
See I didn't think there was anything wrong with that until I went onto r/uber asking if it was normal for people to claim they picked you up when they didn't. Someone said that I was scamming the drivers because I was 17 and uber is an 18+ app. I'm turning 18 this year and I'm tall so I don't think the drivers would even have noticed that.
Apparently I broke TOS because of that though I honestly don't feel bad as long as the driver doesn't get in trouble or anything. This was an emergency, at least to my standards. I don't think uber drivers are babysitters that should have to handle people's kids but I didn't even talk to the guy besides a "hi" and "Thank you". Morally did I do anything wrong?
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a8vya3
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{
"description": "using hand sanitizer in church after the \"sign of peace\"",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for using hand sanitizer in church after the "sign of peace" (handshakes)?
|
I'll try and keep this short, Am I an asshole for subtlety using hand sanitizer after having to shake the hands of everyone nearby me?
I was informed by a parent that it was very rude since it is the equivalent of saying "you are all dirty."
I don't make a huge show of it, just a quick dab from a travel size hand sanitizer in my purse. This is something I do after most physical contact like this with strangers (handshakes, etc)
I'm not an extreme germaphobe, but I like to sanitize my hands if I'm going to he eating something (like in a mass when the eucharist (Jesus waffer) almost immediately follows the hand shaking)
I can elaborate more if you want, but I'm curious if this is how people view this gesture.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
csLhfPdleLQFYCiG52e2AtZS4TthaD7r
|
a493wd
|
{
"description": "asking a mother and her sick baby to leave",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for asking a mother and her sick baby to leave?
|
Sorry, English isn't my best language.
Okay so here's the context: Every year around christmas, my family and I are going to see a ballett production. It's a tradition for us. At the production last night (nutcracker) there was a small family seated next to us. The hall in which the event took place wasn't very well heated and because of recent terrorist threats no coats or bags were allowed inside.
So we all sit in the freezing hall and the family gets next to us. They consist of a mother, father, older kid daughter and a very, very sick baby. The baby was so young that it didn't even have its own seat, it was always handled from parent to parent during the play.
Anyways: during the whole first act the child cried and cried and coughed without pause. Moreso: once the rat king in his terrifying costume showed up he got really upset and started screaming. The mother did not leave the hall with him but instead calmed him down (very loudly), earning a lot of annoyed looks from the other guests. The whole first act was ruined for us because the baby's cries prevented us from enjoying the production. Once the break between first and second act started and the lights came back on I could see that the child's face was red and glowing and the hair on his head was so sweaty, it got stuck on his forehead, meaning the child definitely had a fever as the hall was freezing as mentioned before. I got over to the mother and asked her to leave the production since her child was obviously sick and upset and did not enjoy the ballett, which caused half of the hall to not enjoy the ballet either.
She got very very angry with me, saying that I should not question her parenting if I wasn't a parent myself and that it was none of my business how she took care of her child. The father came over and scolded me as well, saying that I was rude for constantly giving them dirty looks during the production. A third, not related older woman also told me that I had no right to ask them to leave since they payed their tickets just like I did.
I once again told them that a sweating, coughing baby does not belong into a freezing hall but should instead go lie down in a bed and that it was rude to the dancers to have the attention taken away from them because half the hall had to be annoyed by their crying coughing child.
The second act was just like the first with the exception that the child got very upset again and did not want to sit still anymore. The father then actually did decide to take him home. The mother touched my shoulder and very loudly and very rudely asked me if I was happy now and that I had ruined their first ballett production as a family.
AITA for wanting to enjoy a family tradition that we payed a lot of money for in peace?? I'm kind of expecting to show up as a Buzzfeed comment section "mom-shamer" soon
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
aorldw
|
{
"description": "being a nymphomaniac",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for being a nymphomaniac?
|
I'm 16 and as is my gf,
When I'm with her I constantly want to have sex with her, even cuddling with her turns me on. I want to have sex with her every day and basically more than that.
I don't feel the same around any other woman.
But she doesn't always want it and she says it's partially because she has kidney failure and it hurts, but last night she cried because she feels that all I ever want is sex.
I love her very much, but aita?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
uaUZRGKT9FgTWbCqrWGO1TFpX3Kd8k6G
|
ba4yvo
|
{
"description": "leaving the dance",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For leaving the dance
|
I wanted to go a dance with a guy from my school and he wasn't really giving me a yes or no answer so I figured I would go anyway to show up if he was there or not. My grandpa was in the ER that evening refusing treatment so I left 15 minutes in. I get calls and texts from my friends saying "[his name] is looking for you." And "why did you stand him up?". I've had a lot if personal things going on too that have caused more social anxiety than normal. Am I the ass for running out of the dance last minute to go to the hospital?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
2Tllch7KCtAXtOUbtZ7I6cUrssLWPNkZ
|
atzorr
|
{
"description": "searching for a roomate on facebook marketplace and not giving a chance to people who clearly didn't read my listing",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for searching for a roomate on facebook marketplace and not giving a chance to people who clearly didn’t read my listing?
|
My two roommates and I recently had our fourth roomate move out. It’s a very inopportune time since few people want to move in the middle of winter. So needless to say, its been a bit of a struggle to find suitable candidates.
We had one guy who would’ve been great until he said “So i’m a vegan, and I can’t smell people cooking meat” which immediately disqualified him since the three of us are omnivores who cook often.
But anyways, I put up a facebook marketplace listing with a very detailed description of the place. This included the expenses, what the room and apartment has in it and the location, specific demographics for our ideal roomate, mentioned that NO pets are allowed and that we don’t want children here either (we’re a couple guys in our mid 20’s-Early 30’s, no kids pls), and I also added that I don’t speak Spanish since most of my inquiries were coming in Spanish.
My inbox BLEW up because honestly this apartment is a really great spot, low rent for a nicely renovated place near a state capital city. In my inbox were tons of messages just asking me the most idiotic questions that easily could’ve been answered if people took a minute to read the two paragraphs I wrote. Questions like “how much is rent” and “what utilities are included?” But aside from that were people who very clearly did not fit the criteria for what we needed and would’ve understood that if they read the damn post. Even though I wrote that we are only looking for young professionals, recent college grads/grad students, my inbox was full of 50+ year old men and women, and then lots of middle aged single moms with babies/toddlers. Also surprisingly plenty of messages from 18-20 year old sound cloud rappers. On top of everything, some people just were flat out rude. One guy FIRST messaged me and said “what’s the address, i’m coming for a tour tomorrow”
Now I’m not an elitist in any sense, however when it comes to the people I live with, its important that we have common ground and can get along well. I’m a professional photographer, my other roommates are an aerospace engineer & a social worker. Aside from myself, they have M-F 9-5 jobs. We like similar music, all love to cook, can talk about politics and social issues civilly, relatively active lifestyles and are roughly the same age.
I feel like i’m an asshole for being so picky with my selection process but why should I give someone a chance living with me if they can’t be bothered to read a bit before wasting my time with bs.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
3gRz3vbwBdETDSORq8Z3wCiDfR08J9tv
|
auaezo
|
{
"description": "not buying my friend a mouse",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not buying my friend a mouse?
|
I'm honestly not sure if I'm the asshole, I just feel guilty about it. Anyway, here we go.
There's three people in this story and I am currently the only legal adult. Both of my friends are close, I'm just older by a few months.
So, Friend One has wanted a pet mouse for awhile. She's done the research, saved the money, but she just couldn't buy it herself. I know she wouldn't be mean to the animal and would be a great pet owner. I was ready to buy this mouse for her.
When we get to Petco I start to get uneasy. I haven't bought anything with an age requirement before. This was a spur of the moment decision, and what if it wasn't going to work out?
Awhile later she has her eye set on one of the mice in the tank. Friend Two gets an employee and tells him how I'm buying a mouse and we've chosen which one. At this point I'm already panicking, and next thing I know there's paperwork being handed to me. I knew this was coming, but then the employee starts going on about how this mouse is a non-native species to our state and that this paperwork is being sent to the state that night.
All I can think about is what if something goes wrong? Could I go to jail over a mouse? What happens if my parents find out I'm buying her mouse for her? Paperwork is my weakness, and all I'm thinking of alleged legal repercussions.
We wander around the store and they're trying to convince me. I'm in the middle of an internal panic attack, trying my best to hide it, and just overall trying to diffuse the situation. Friend Two is off being obnoxious and Friend One is showing me how she was gonna prepare his tank. I was getting overwhelmed very quickly.
In the end, I did not buy Friend One the mouse. I think she was alright, albeit a little disappointed. I know Friend Two wasn't happy with me.
Personally, I feel like an asshole. I asked my mom about it, and she said I would of been fine. It's just a mouse. After we were all home I texted our groupchat saying how I thought about it more and decided I'm fine buying her the mouse.
So tell me, am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
axKLwR9hB2RBvjGRXb9jN1zKOl96FiiK
|
b8t63y
|
{
"description": "avoiding an autistic kid at my school",
"pronormative_score": 35,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for avoiding an autistic kid at my school?
|
In my geometry class, my desk partner is autistic. It’s not very high functioning, and he doesn’t understand most of the material. My teacher asked me if I could perhaps teach him, and I decided to try. But it failed.
I just didn’t have the patience. It was simply that I couldn’t teach a singular topic *over and over again* with no results. I would get angry during the lessons, and I took many a break during these classes.
I eventually gave up, and I told my teacher I wanted to move seats. My teacher said I needed to try harder and that I needed to be more accepting. I just can’t do it anymore. I also feel that my teacher should understand my side, and that the kid should be placed in a learning facility instead of failing a class that he just doesn’t understand.
Should I keep trying?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
rwo1rOrdfP2xRgt7YcJdq0POffOIDaas
|
b90sa1
|
{
"description": "telling a friends child to be careful what they post on Facebook",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for telling a friends child to be careful what they post on Facebook?
|
Today I was on Facebook and in my feed was a couple pics of a dog that had been shot and laying in a pool of blood. I have a hard time seeing animals like this and I cried for like an hour. Now the kid who posted is a friends daughter we are good friends but we don’t talk a lot or see each other because she lives a few states away.
After crying for a while I decided to comment on the post saying please be careful what you post this could be a trigger for people. I got a response from her mom saying how is this a trigger and a reply from the kid saying she is just trying to bring awareness to animal cruelty.I then tried to explain that this is really hard for me to see and think that it would be to some other people too. I told her I didn’t want to censure her and maybe just post the pics in the comments so people can choose to see them. They both basically told me I was an ass and unfriended me. AMIA for saying something?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
65b7U8sRuTU7TBPJOUdVzHUgxL54tq9I
|
avsumj
|
{
"description": "not paying on the first date even though I asked her out",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not paying on the first date even though I asked her out?
|
My work colleagues said I was the asshole for this so I would like more opinions.
I asked out a girl that I’d been flirting with for a while at the gym. She’s a bit younger than I am (28 vs 23) and I could tell during the date that she was a bit insecure about this.
It was a good date and when it was time to pay, she told me she’d cover both our tabs. I asked if she was sure and she said yes. So I let her pay.
It’s probably pertinent to mention that given our career fields and ages, I definitely make substantially more than she does, which is part of why my coworkers said I’m an asshole, on top of not paying when I asked her out. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
zyLYjR1Kt8VR6xkJfMPCnkR9gkczHA2X
|
aascah
|
{
"description": "wishing that all people who get behind the wheel or under the influence of any kind of drugs or narcotics would actually die while driving so that they don't ever risk hurting another innocent person",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for wishing that all people who get behind the wheel or under the influence of any kind of drugs or narcotics would actually die while driving so that they don't ever risk hurting another innocent person?
|
I'll admit it, I've lost family members due to drunken recklessness, both because of their own stupidity and also due to someone else being drunk. The most recent was one of my cousins who was struck by a drunken idiot while on his motorcycle. I don't care what people say about "don't hold grudges". I think that's stupid. Hate is all I know when it comes to these people. The only way I'll ever be able to forgive them is if they kill themselves or die a sudden death. Then I will finally forgive them
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
BXZu9WmxyUdo2FWqpIKAyWsQKGpKGejd
|
akaz74
|
{
"description": "Asking Fiancé to refund my ticket for trip he cancelled",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For Asking Fiancé To Refund My Ticket For Trip He Cancelled?
|
Short story is—
We had a trip planned today which we'd bought non-refundable train tickets for. Last minute he said he didn't want to go anymore, so I asked if he'd give me back the money for my ticket and he's refusing.
Now a bit more detail—
It was a trip to a tournament for a card game he plays in Manchester, he asked me if I wanted to come as we could hang out in the city afterwards, and I said sure. He bought our train tickets and asked me to send £27.95 for mine, which I did.
We'd been planning to get a taxi to the station, but at some point last night (We were supposed to go today) he got his brother to agree to give us a lift. This morning however, about an hour before we were supposed to leave, the brother said he doesn't want to take us anymore. This wound my fiancé up quite a bit and he said he didn't want to go at all anymore. I Said I was still willing to pay for a taxi but he wasn't interested. He did try calling his dad for a lift too but no luck.
I Asked him if he'd give me my money back, seeming as he was the one who'd decided we weren't going, but he's saying no. I Said he doesn't have to give me it straight away, he can wait until he's saved up, bit still no.
(I Think some of you might say, 'His brother's the a-hole!' and I wouldn't completely disagree, but that's not what I'm asking about)
Last time I posted here someone complained it was too one-sided, so I'm gonna include some of the defences he gave for not paying me back—
•He's saving me money, as now I don't have to fork out for a taxi
•He's losing out on the cost of his ticket too, and he can't get that refunded
•He also bought a ticket for his friend who had been planning to come but cancelled the other day, and he's not paying him back, so why should he have to pay me back?
So, am I being cheeky by asking for my money back, should he be expected to pay me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
O0MXsaagjOD2j1Dzj4XwPg6geEQusVTR
|
aqvtj7
|
{
"description": "forgetting about, and then ignoring an agreement with my sister",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 126
}
|
AITA for forgetting about, and then ignoring an agreement with my sister?
|
Let me start off with a bit of context:
* My sister (let's call her Eve) and me live in the same city, on the same address during the week (Mon-Fri). We both study on different campuses in that city. My campus is 1.8 kilometres away, Eve's is right next doors (like 100 meters maybe). We only have one bike at our disposal and because my campus is further away, I use the bike basically everyday.
* Last sunday, during dinner, Eve told me she would need the bike today to attend a certain job interview. She mentioned it would be before 12:00, so I agreed that she could use the bike and that I would walk to campus. Throughout the week, she didn't remind me of this agreement.
* This week was pretty shitty. On monday, the bikelock got stuck, so I spent 45 minutes with a pair of pliers getting it off (still keeping it as a trophee on my desk). On tuesday, I got a flat tire and I had to go get it fixed at a bike shop. Both these days I had to walk to campus (25-30 minutes without retour).
Now, the actual story began this morning. I had a class at 8:30, so I woke up at around 7:30. I checked my phone and there was a message from Eve, telling me that she would need the bike.
I totally forgot about what we had agreed upon last sunday, so I send her a text explaining that I had class until 12:30 and that she could use the bike afterwards, before starting my morning routine. When I was done, it was around 8:10 and I checked my phone again. Eve told me that the job interview was at 11:00 and reminded me that I had agreed to walking to campus on Sunday.
Let me remind you that walking would take 25-30 minutes, so that would mean that I was going to be late. Policy in my campus is that if you come late, you can't come into the class because that would disturb everyone.
&#x200B;
So, I explained the problem to Eve, also stating that I had already had to walk to campus 2 times this week, so it shouldn't be a big deal for her to walk to the job interview (approximately a 30-35 minute walk). Eve got mad at me, telling me again that I had agreed to leave the bike. I texted her that she should have reminded me yesterday so that I could have gotten up earlier to be on time in my class if I were to walk instead of using the bycicle, then I took the bike and went to my class.
&#x200B;
Turned out that last message really pissed Eve off. She texted me that "she should have known I would do this because I'm a man" and that "I'm a selfish douchebag for not going through with an agreement". I repeated that walking this one time shouldn't be a big deal for her and that I had no choice but to take the bike, also telling her that her sexist remark wasn't being appreciated. Eve responded with "it's about the principle" and I told her that I didn't forget about the agreement on purpose. She didn't respond to that last message.
I won't see her until tonight, but I'm torn between apologising to her or sticking with my gunsa and telling her that she was overreacting. What do you guys think? Am I the asshole here? Should I apologise for using the bike?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
0cOhw0Yx65Bdz5GpEokckBZhUOZfLNkW
|
aloc8u
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my gf for telling her mom personal things about me",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my gf for telling her mom personal things about me?
|
So my gf woke up with a really bad period pain (much worse than usual) so I stayed with her and tried to make her feel better. At one point she called her mother for advice, and her mom thought she maybe got an infection from me so my gf told her I don't have any since I was a virgin until a few weeks ago.
I haven't told her since she feels really bad right now but I got really mad that she's telling her mom (which I'll meet at some point) really personal information about me without asking my permission and she wasn't even going to tell me if I hadn't asked. It's not like she just told her stuff about me for no reason so maybe I'm an asshole for getting mad about something that was important but imo she could have avoided that. AITA for getting mad about it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
es3LYp6iMLBRGT3yZPiMziKm6aD0qqn0
|
ageyxm
|
{
"description": "making my oldest son watch his younger siblings",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for making my oldest son watch his younger siblings?
|
Ok, so i have 3 kids. 2 of them are pretty young (6 and 7) and the oldest is 21. They all live with me and I made my oldest son watch the younger because i didn't have a choice.
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
You see, i had a funeral to go to. It was of the ex wife of my brother. We kept close over the years, but my son never met her. Anyway, the funeral was at 3 pm, my younger kids get off the school bus at 4:15. So, i wanted to have him watch them before we got home in case the funeral lasted longer then expected.
&#x200B;
But, on the way home, i was too tired and didn't feel like cooking so i picked up dinner from Burger King, and i took my niece out for a quick bite. It was only about 5 pm when i got home and when i got there, my oldest son was mad at me. I told him about the funeral and everything, but he was rude and dodgy, i told him i got home as quick as i could, but he told me "If you really wanted to get home as quick as possible, you wouldn't have gone out to eat". Then he started talking about how he doesn't want to be left alone with "my little demons".
&#x200B;
You see, my younger kids are a little rambunctious. They act up and they get into everything. He's mad because he had to watch them for not even 45 minutes. I was horrified, i thought he'd be happy i got him food. I got him the burger he's always gotten, exactly the way he wants. But it wasn't good enough. He kept telling me about how "I'm not your full time babysitter".
&#x200B;
So, am i in the wrong here for taking a few minutes to go to Burger King and not coming straight home?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
A34ZVVHiPBi9TgR7fotZVwbLtzgQta7t
|
b9fvvm
|
{
"description": "sharing in-game money our now-dead guild collected with someone outside the guild",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for sharing in-game money our now-dead guild collected with someone outside the guild?
|
Throwaway account just in case.
So I play this mmo rpg game where I am a member of a guild. This guild includes me, my friend Tom (not his real name) and 5 other members. Then we have John, another friend of mine (which I'm also seeing IRL now, but we don't have a relationship yet) that has no connection with the guild at all.
Tom and I were the new members of the guild. The others having played this game for years had collected a nice amount of money (about 9 000 000 coins) and put it all in the guild-bank. Because Tom and I were new, we couldn't contribute any good amount to it.
Anyway, recently the guild got into some drama (me and Tom were not in the drama), but everyone started leaving until it was just me and Tom. The guild-leader who also left put me in charge of everything including our base and the money. Basically, I was the leader of this dead guild. For the money he said (I qoute) "Just share it with Tom or something"
Clearly that was just a suggestion. So I thought it would be nice to give John a bit of it too (he never had a guild and was also new so why not?). I kept 4 500 000, gave 3 500 000 to John and 1 000 000 to Tom. Considering I was in charge, it was my money so I had the rights to it. If Tom had contributed something, i would take that into account, but he didn't.
When Tom noticed the amount here received he messaged me saying it was quite a small amount from the total (only that but I know what he impled). I said it was a fair amount and that he should be happy because I could also give nothing. Then he told me it wasn't fair to keep 8 million and just give 1 million, to which I replied I shared it with another friend (John) outside the guild. He got upset by that and told me John had no input to the guild at all and I just said again that I was in charge of the money and I can use it as I want and that he should just be happy. He clearly got upset and doesn't talk to me anymore which is an overreaction.
So, AITA for sharing money of our non-existing guild with someone from outside even though I was clearly put in charge over it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
wcWE5KDG4mOKnZETcFNnRLuEMPGvaJsZ
|
b7npva
|
{
"description": "telling a friend what her nickname really means or should I have let ignorance be bliss",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling a friend what her nickname really means or should I have let ignorance be bliss?
|
I live on campus in a dorm. My dorm mate is an asshole sometimes. I also have a female friend that I hang out with on a regular basis.
She told me she thought my dorm mate was cute a while ago and I warned not to fool around with him multiple times. That he’s a dickhead even to the people he sleeps with. She chose not to take my advice.
Now my dorm mate has a nickname for her that’s basically about her vagina. She thought it was about her weight, like he was calling her fat. She’s not fat and kept just laughing it off and saying she’s not fat and whatever.
I’ve been conflicted about explaining to her what the nickname actually means. On one hand everyone else knows what it really means and she should be aware so she can deal with it however she wants. On the other, being called fat really didn’t bother her and sometimes ignorance is bliss. I didn’t want to make her feel embarrassed.
I ended up on the telling her side. She laughed it off and said that it was gross. I thought she was taking it pretty well and I was relieved. Now though she’s straight up ghosting me. I figured she might not want to be around my dorm mate anymore, but I didn’t think she’d totally cut me out of her life as well.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
zpr8cippvqp0ypSjvA2wlwDC8zVllZVK
|
b0pp4s
|
{
"description": "yelling at my husband when he interrupted my dinner by asking me to help with the baby",
"pronormative_score": 45,
"contranormative_score": 167
}
|
AITA for yelling at my husband when he interrupted my dinner by asking me to help with the baby?
|
Here is the context:
I had a very busy day at work yesterday and Tuesday’s I also go to the gym after work. My husband and I picked up our 4mo baby from daycare on our way home from work. We agreed that after I returned home from the gym he’d take the car to go out to run an important errand we need to take care of ASAP (purchase a travel bassinet for the baby). I left immediately after dropping off my husband and baby so my day was “go go go.”
Driving home after the workout I was looking forward to having some “alone time” to relax, eat dinner and catch up on a show my husband doesn’t enjoy (Archer). Instead of him leaving to take care of the purchase as we agreed he proceeded to ask me tons of questions about the bassinet purchase and also to take care of some other household tasks (balancing the finances, etc). I was hungry and getting irritated so I finally just asked when he was leaving to get the bassinet and he decided we should wait and clarify a few things. Fine. So we took care of the finances and I ask him if there’s anything else he’d like us to take care of before I start eating/watching my show. He said no and I asked if he’s sure because I’m very tired and want to enjoy my dinner and relax without interruption. He said no again so I prepared my plate and stated up the show.
FIVE MINUTES into Archer he asks me to warm up the rest of the partially used formula bottle so he could feed her 120mLs. It’s impossible to know how much is left in the bottle without pouring it out to measure it so I asked for clarification: do you want the rest of the bottle or 120mL? He says that’s how much is left so the rest of the bottle. Then as I get up to do it he’s suddenly asking me if that’s how much is left, and I tell him I don’t know. I ask again if he wants 120mL or all of it and he says 120. So I pour that out and he asks how much is left. You can’t tell without pouring it out so I just said I didn’t know and asked if he wants more than 120. He just keeps asking how much is left and this is when I lost it.
I poured it all out and screamed at him the amount left. I yelled some more about how I told him not to interrupt me and that I had offered to take care of anything he wanted before starting to eat (eg I asked if he wanted to give the baby a bath first) and that I was very clear I wanted to relax once I started eating.
He thinks I was unjustified in getting upset and scolded me for yelling in front of the baby.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 143,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 24,
"NOBODY": 23,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 45,
"WRONG": 167
}
|
WRONG
|
E9AL4xFCn9G7yeD8pVTAk6Zd3CDaJ9Ob
|
azqcn9
|
{
"description": "telling a little girl to wash her hands after going to the bathroom",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling a little girl to wash her hands after going to the bathroom?
|
I didn't feel bad about it when it happened, but my sister told me it was rude. We were in a restaurant's bathroom and after we did our thing, a little girl came out of the stall and her mom went in. Then it was just me, my sister and this little (about 8 or 9 year old) girl in the sink area. She started teasing her mom saying "I'm going to go back to the table to Aunty without you!" while laughing and her mom replied things like "really, all by yourself?" teasing her back. She was playing and I didn't mind, but I did notice she hadn't washed her hands at that point. I figured when her mom came out she would tell her daughter to do it. Then, however, the girl started rubbing her hands on the door handle to simulate leaving the bathroom (even though her mom clearly couldn't see that) and it grossed me out so much I just said "Maybe you can go to your Aunty *after* washing your hands?" The girl blushed and stopped touching the door. I walked out very grossed out because kid germs are not any less dangerous than adult germs, specially when waste matter is involved.
Anyway, when we left, my sister said that was very rude because I have no right to say that to a little kid and that she was probably just playing. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
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