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{
"description": "breaking it off with the girl I'm seeing for this reason",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for breaking it off with the girl I’m seeing for this reason?
|
So I met this girl from tinder a little over a month ago and we have hung out 3 times already being the last time on Valentine’s Day. We have fun together, the sex is great, and she’s pretty cool. Yesterday while browsing Facebook, I notice she’s friends with my ex on Facebook.
For a little context, my ex in insane. She beat her mom and sister before, dad in jail, physically abused me and caused me legal problems that I don’t take lightly at all.
I confront her about it on Snapchat nicely with something like “hey kinda random lol but apparently your friends with my ex on Facebook, how do you know her?” And she says “oh I have so many people added I have to go through and delete I really have no idea about her”. Then I say “yeah well she caused me a lot of problems in the past so you can imagine how I was weirded out” and she says “well you don’t have to worry about that with me :)” and I haven’t responded to her since. first off I’m like ok, a lot of people randomly add bunch of people and have like 2000 friends. Personally, I don’t add anyone I don’t really know. That’s why my Facebook friends are like 150.
I’m having trouble believing her and even a simple explanation of how she added my ex would have worked for me but she flat out denied she knew her. I can’t take this situation lightly because my ex has sent people in the past to fuck with me and other people and I don’t want anything to do with anyone she knows.
I want to give the girl the benefit of the doubt but it’s just too fishy to me and my experiences in the past are telling me to nicely let her down and cut contact. But I don’t even know what to say to her to see if she’s telling the truth so I think I’ll just let it end and maybe ghost because if I knew she was friends with my ex on Facebook in the first place, I wouldn’t have invited her over. Would I be the asshole if I just ghosted her?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "not helping out my friend so I can help my brother after not helping out my brother so I could help out my friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not helping out my friend so I can help my brother after not helping out my brother so I could help out my friend?
|
I'm 2 weeks away from being the asshole in someones eyes.
My brother [20] and I [22] lived with our parents up until the end of 2018. For 6 months it was understood that he and I needed to move out for very fair reasoning by our parents.
During those 6 months he was encouraged to get a job and save up to afford moving out. He finally got a low paying part time job in december and didnt put in an effort to find a place to move into until January already started.
During those 6 months, my company opened up a satelite branch in the city where my friend [40] lives and she now doesn't have to commute 3 hours total to get to the main branch. But now that shes at this satelite branch, she isnt making enough money to make ends meet (going back to the main office is not an option), so she found room mates that absolutely did not work out. They actually costed her more money than they provided.
Her and I decided that I'll come up to the satelite branch and move in with her to help her make ends meet until she's put herself in a better position to where she doesnt need help any more, and I decided to let my brother learn how life works when you put 0 effort in.
I've been in her house for 2 weeks now and i hate being here for multiple reasons: she has 6 undisciplined dogs always making noise in the night or making a mess. She has made 0 effort to put herself in a better position. Im paying $700 for this room that she can't convince her daughter to fully move her stuff out of.
Now my brother is getting a third job and putting multiple housing applications in a day and nobody is getting back to him. He's putting in a ton of effort and is on his path to growing up, but he still needs help finding a place and learning what it's like being an adult.
Am I an asshole to leave my friend and moving in with my brother?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a2hplp
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{
"description": "wanting to sleep in the same bed as my fiancée",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA: For wanting to sleep in the same bed as my fiancée?
|
So my fiancée, K, and her best friend (female), M, and I were all hanging out at K's house last night (we don't live together), doing wedding planning things.
For background, fiancee and I have been together for eighteen months, K met M in Preschool when they were only a few months old.
M made a joke about it being her turn to sleep in with K, since they've been doing it for years, although they haven't seen each other as much lately so sleepovers only happen around once a year.
I immediately said that I would be sleeping in K's bed, since she's my fiancee.
Fiancee agreed that we would sleep together tonight, but feels like I'm being unreasonable by insisting that we sleep in the same bed and that she not sleep in the same bed as any of her friends whenever I'm there. She says that because she's known M for as long as she has and that if they want to hang out and sleep in the same bed one time a year, I should be fine with it. I'm perfectly fine with them sharing a bed, but I feel pretty hurt that she should choose to share a bed with someone else and leave me to sleep alone in a room ten feet away.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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b51w7e
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{
"description": "not paying a guy back after we didn't work out",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not paying a guy back after we didn’t work out?
|
Throwaway account
TLDR; Was casually seeing/talking to this guy, after an awkward date I wasn’t really sure it was going to work. He saw me with another guy at a bar and got mad because I didn’t run over to him when he walked in. He has now threatened twice
I went out one weekend for a friends birthday and this guy approached me, told me he thought I was gorgeous and offered to buy drinks. He was tall and handsome so I accepted the offer. We danced for the rest of the night and exchanged numbers and started talking. The next weekend, we meet up and he offered to buy drinks again.
He suggested a real date with one-on-one time outside of the bar. I’m currently in my last year of school and working full time, he’s in a similar position and we had some trouble finding a time that worked for the both of us.
Instead of a normal date, we were just going to pick up food and hang at his place. He picks me up, we go get the food, and we get back to his place. Everythings great. I’m thinking we were going to hang out in the living room, but he tells me that we should go into his room because the tv in the living room doesnt have Netflix. I’m a little uncomfortable now, because I feel like he’s just going to try and get me into bed with him.
I opted to sit in a chair instead of on the bed with him, because I wasn’t ready to take that step with him. Despite this he began kissing my hand while we were watching a movie. I basically froze, I didn’t feel safe and I started panicking. He started kissing my neck and I told him I needed to go home. I told him I needed to go home at least 3 times before he stopped kissing my neck and got up to take me home.
He asked if I was ok and I told him I was just tired and had an early morning. I didn’t want to make him feel bad, I felt like maybe I had given him the wrong idea by agreeing to having a date at his place.
I ended up going out on a Friday, which isn’t normal for me because of how busy I am. I was out with a friend of mine and I met a different guy, super funny and very cute. Suddenly, I feel someone grab my shoulder and it’s the first guy. He leans over and says something like “so now you’re just going to pretend you don’t know me?”
I got defensive, I told him I didn’t even see him. He walked away but when I left to go home, he was outside waiting. We argued, he rolled his eyes and I walked off. He asked my friend to add him on Facebook. He sent her a message threatening to “cause a scene” the next time he saw me if I didn’t give him what I “owe” him.
I thought he meant sex, but he told a mutual friend that he wants me to pay him back for the drinks/food that he paid for. Next time he saw me, he approached me and told me to give him the money. I told him I didn’t owe him anything and to leave me alone. He started yelling at me and cussing me out, calling me a dirty cunt and I had to ask a bouncer for help getting him away from me.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "not wanting to bake my mom the cake she wanted",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to bake my mom the cake she wanted?
|
I’ve recently started baking and I want to make it one of my main hobbies. So today, I decided to make my first cake from scratch. I had everything planned out, including the recipe I was going to use. I called my mom who was on her lunch break to ask if she could get me some ingredients I needed on her way home. When she arrived, she showed me a recipe on her phone that she really wanted me to make, and I was pretty frustrated about this. I explained to her that I had already chosen a recipe and that I wanted to use a simple one, too. We ended up getting into a small argument over this, and she finally decided to let me make my cake and that she was going to bake hers when she got home from work. I reluctantly told her that I would bake her her cake once I finished mine, but she angrily told me not to and then left to work. Was I wrong for disagreeing with my mom over something as mundane as a cake or was my reaction justified?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
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|
a25msk
|
{
"description": "cutting things off with a girl",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA: for cutting things off with a girl?
|
She has a friend and co worker who she admitted at one point they have hooked up in the past. She wants to be able to grab a drink after work with him and he out to activities with him and maybe couple other people. She says it's just friends but I'm not comfortable with it considering the past.
AITA for cutting things off?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
a5qi7d
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{
"description": "letting my dogs get into a fight",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA For letting my dogs get into a fight?
|
Tl;dr I let my dogs fight off another dog after their owner took it off leash to "introduce" them without talking to me prior?
I live in a small collection of townhomes. I share a front stoop, plus one unit on each of our sides, so 4 units split over a building.
We are allowed to have two dogs and my fiance wanted to rescue a couple pups. One from an abusive/more negligent owner(catahoula hound). The other was abandon with an ex who couldn't have pets at their residence. She was abusive and left her without food much of the time because she didnt take the time to potty train her(GSD). She is around 4 years old and barely 40 pounds. Her lack of nutrition caused growth stunting.
Now my catahoula doesnt like other dogs. I'm guessing the owner threw out food for all the dogs and he had to fight for his food. We got him around 7 mo old. They had about 5 or 6 other farm dogs and her lack of ability to answer questions about his previous vet records was also a red flag.
My GSD doesn't like people. I've seen her go full police dog towards certain people. Guessing people that are similar to her previous owners, like my old man. She has back him into corners growling and snarling with teeth bared, ears flat, and hair up.
I always leash them on fairly short leads and will take them up to the mail box occasionally to get mail. Neighbor across the street has two rottweilers they they leave tied up outside in afternoons when it's over 35 degrees.
My dogs will growl and bark at them and they growl and bark back. One day while checking the mail, neighbor walks out and across the street to talk to me. I pulled dogs behind me and held onto their collars while he asked if he could pet them. They weren't happy with him and I told him they were rescues and weren't super fond of people. He kept his distance as they growled and said that he would want to introduce our dogs sometime. Again I told him it wasnt a good idea and that they weren't fond of people or dogs.
Fast forward a few weeks and I'm checking the mail with both my puppers on leashes and all the sudden i see neighbors rottie running across the street. I think she got off her tie out and start pulling dogs back towards the door about 75 yards away.
The rottie Closed the 20 yards before I could drag my dogs 10 feet. Neighbor shouted that he wants to try "introducing" the dogs from their yard. While slowly walking over.
I almost immediately drop the leashes and let my dogs rip at his rottie while feigning to stop them. I grabbed their collars after maybe 30 seconds after they turned the rottie into a chew toy.
He finally grabbed her collar and pulled her back a ways after slowly walking across the street. "Yeah I was hoping to avoid that by introducing them..."
"Your dogs may be friendly, but mine arent."
He went back inside taking the one tied up inside also. He hasn't tried to talk to me since(about a year now).
AITA for letting my dogs gang up on my neighbors dog for his poor excuse of "introducing" them?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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af9eoe
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{
"description": "telling my girlfriend that I don't want to talk about her sexual fantasies",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
WIBTA if I Told My Girlfriend that I Don’t Want to Talk About Her Sexual Fantasies?
|
Our sex life as a whole is quite lackluster. It’s not that the “sex” itself is particularly bad, it’s just not what either of us would like it to be. For starters, we don’t have penetrative sex purely because I have issues with that, and my SO has a lot of sexual interests she is really keen on trying out but is not able to.
She is definitely making a lot of sacrifices as to what she wants when we have “sex,” and I’m trying to change that. However, it’s kind of demoralizing to hear about things that she fantasizes about that I am so far away from being able to fulfill. I know she enjoys talking about her fantasies, but I just don’t want to hear about them. It makes me feel insecure over how inadequate I am sexually.
Beyond that, I can’t mutually share my fantasies; I don’t have many sexual fantasies in general, and really only one that is appropriate to share. However, it would be incredibly unfair for her to fulfill mine when I can’t reciprocate.
That’s my rationale for wanting to tell her that I don’t want to hear about her sexual fantasies. I don’t know how to phrase it, but for the purposes of judgement how about if I just straight up said “I don’t want to talk about your sexual fantasies because I feel that it is counterproductive to do so.”
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
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|
b6erpj
| null |
AITA for leaving?
|
Last year I(23f) was looking for a 1 bed apt for myself. My best friend (21f) asked to move out with me, I saw no problem. F and I were working at the same restaurant the time. 2 months before we moved in together she starts dating a new guy from from work(b). Kinda annoying and loud but an alright dude. Things were cool at first but then they weren’t. For ex: we get the keys and b kept making jokes about “us” moving in all together and jokingly calls me “roomie”. Well he wasn’t joking. 2 weeks in and he hasn’t left. I pulled f aside and asked if she was taking him home soon (b didn’t have a car) she agreed w/ me and said something along the lines of her needing her alone time. I was relieved to hear that. She took him home and told him how she felt and apparently he took it wrong and almost ended it with her. She really liked the guy so she felt bad and caved. Now a month in B’s there when f goes to school so I’m home alone w/ him multiple times a week. Never goes home. I made a passive aggressive comment once saying I like to be home alone and walk around in my underwear. B being a perv told me he didn’t mind it “at all” with a big ugly smirk. I was disgusted. I am a SA survivor and The thought of him wanting to see me in my underwear threw up a huge red flag. He said this in front of f and I could tell it bothered her.With all of us working at the restaurant together it just became too much. My other friends stopped coming around because of how much tension there was between us.I tried to talk to f and told her I would be cool with him coming over a few times a week but b wasn’t paying rent and he had been living there just as long as I had. I felt like i couldn’t talk to f when b was around and it was ruining our relationship. When I told f this she felt attacked and things got bad. We didn’t talk for 2 weeks until I told her I would be moving out and taking my name off the lease if she didn’t try to come to some agreement with me. She denied that it was unfair because she was paying half the rent so he could be in her half of the apartment. I told her I wasnt comfortable him there when she wasn’t around. But she clearly wasn’t going to hear me out and told me to “do what I had to do” because she wasn’t telling him to leave. So i went to our landlords office and got my name off the lease that day. I needed her signature on a form. I take the form home and she’s gone. Well I find her and it got ugly. We said terrible things to each other, I left the form and she signed it before leaving. I packed up my shit and moved back home. I was pretty much more depressed than I had ever been in my life. I took time off work and when i got back I find out f is going around saying I’m fucked up because I left her with all the bills and I shouldn’t be trying to move out if I couldn’t afford it. Among other vile shit. Needless to say i quit. AITA for leaving?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
9zh4h6
|
{
"description": "trying to forcefully share something with my brother",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for trying to forcefully share something with my brother?
|
Context: I really enjoy animated movies, even though I'm in my twenties. One of my favorite movies is The Book of Life, and I love sharing it with people (in general I love trying to share stuff that I love enjoyed with my friends and family. In case it's relevant, my brother is younger but also in his twenties.
So I'm talking with my brother and trying to convince him to watch this movie because I loved it so much, and he says Nah I don't wanna watch kid movies. And I try to explain that just because it's animated doesn't mean only kids can enjoy it (using Pixar as an example because he does still like Pixar stuff), and somehow it devolves into an argument with me saying that even if you dislike something you should watch it with me as a favor for me, because the intent is that I'm trying to share something that I love with you, and I've done many things with him that I don't or didn't enjoy just because it's something that he likes to do. I feel like that's part of any relationship, whether it's romantic or friendship or siblings, that there's some give and take (obviously I'm laying it on a little thick for my side of the argument but I want to explain my reasoning). His argument was simply that I shouldn't be trying to force him to do something that he knows he won't like.
Honestly I can see the validity in both points of view, and I feel like it's a matter of circumstances/context about which argument holds more weight. Or maybe it's a situation where neither of us is really wrong and one of us just has to compromise. I'm not sure, so I'll ask you guys for your perspectives: AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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|
aqjpp0
|
{
"description": "being mad at my MIL for thinking I have an eating disorder",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being mad at my MIL for thinking I have an eating disorder?
|
She’s technically not my mother in law but she is my SO’s mum, so I’m just going to call her MIL for simplicity.
MIL and my SO don’t have the best relationship (I made a post in r/JustNoMIL if you want context, but it’s not really relevant here) but I’m trying to be civil as respectful around her.
Recently MIL came up to my SO and demanded him to tell her whether I had bulimia or not. SO knows I don’t, nor do I have any other eating disorder, and tells her so. She got pushy and said that she knows I have bulimia - her evidence being that she found some of my hair in the toilet (???). My hair does fall out a normal amount, plus it’s quite dark and noticeable, but if she thinks it’s there because I’m purging, wouldn’t it be flushed away when I’m done?
My SO told me about all of this but said at least she had fair enough reason to be concerned, but I don’t really think she does. I’m slim but not super skinny, I never binge eat nor purge nor fast, plus I don’t really have any body issues. All those would be much bigger indicators of an eating disorder, but she was so confident I had one because of some hair?
I’m honestly really mad at her but I can’t put my finger on why. I know I don’t have an eating disorder, and I know she’s probably just concerned, but something about it has really made me resentful about it. So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
aolru3
|
{
"description": "reneging on a commission",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for reneging on a commission?
|
Hello all! Second post here!
So I have a friend who is an artist, we'll call her B. I recently wanted to commission something from her because she's damn good and she's been advertising. I tell her what I want, and she agrees to do it after we agree on a price.
We don't talk for a week or two until one day I decide to pop in to see how it was coming along. She says she hasn't started since I haven't paid her I apologized and mentioned off hand she should have said something since I was waiting for updates. She tells me I should have known to send the payment first because she doesn't want to be scammed.
Now disclaimer I am 100% supportive of artists, and I know how often people try to steal and rip them off. I'm also 100% supportive of them making the call on when they get paid.
But the way she said what she said hurt me, a lot. I'm not asking for special treatment im 100% fine paying first but she acted like I had the potential to scam her and it really hurt. Again, I'm fine paying early, Im fine with her not starting just hurt by what she said. I tell her im pretty tapped this paycheck and Ill pay her in about a weak. She says "I knew it" and now I kinda don't want to comission her, I'm angry and hurt.
AITA for wanting to no comission her now?
(Disclaimer: we were really good friends, even leading up to this which is why it hurts)
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
|
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RIGHT
|
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|
b4ux95
|
{
"description": "being pissed off",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being pissed off?
|
My husband and I have an eight month old son, who has his first cold this weekend. My normally super easy baby was a little needier than normal- nothing terrible, just having a hard time going down for a nap/sleep and not wanting to be left alone for too long.
This also happens to be a weekend where I have a major project for work due on Monday. I really needed the whole weekend just to sit and focus. The deal was my husband was supposed to take on more of the parenting so that I could get my work done. Needless to say it did not go that way.
Saturday I got up with the baby (after having been up with him the entire night), fed him, started cleaning up around the house, and attempted to lay down in his room but wasn’t able to . My husband got up four hours after me, and took the baby...so I could wash dishes. I realized the baby had a cold then and volunteered to run to the store to get needed supplies. My husband asked if I was taking the baby with me, but I told him it didn’t make sense because I was just going to one store. I ended up picking up lunch on the way home to treat my husband.
I got home and my husband was pissed off because the baby ‘wouldn’t stop’ the whole time I was out. He was fussy, but not screaming. I made and fed him a bottle while my husband ate lunch. He was happier after he ate until he remembered he had volunteered to take the baby to run errands so I could have a few uninterrupted hours to work. I got about two hours of work before he came stomping in, pissed off again and muttering about how his ‘day just keeps getting better.’ I put groceries away, fed the baby dinner, got him in for his bath, and tried to put him to bed. This is his first cold so he was being very difficult and I ended up having to rock him to sleep in his stroller. The whole time my husband was pissy the baby wasn’t going to sleep as easily as he normally does and that his one attempt at soothing him didn’t put him right to sleep. He was also pissed because he bounced the baby right after he ate and he spit up on him. He just kept muttering.
I finally sat down to do work at almost 11 to find my laptop was dead. I plugged it in, sat down on the couch, and nodded off. I woke up a few times to soothe the baby, and now it’s 6 AM and he’s up for the day, already fed and changed (by me) and playing. I’m about to get back to work but I feel so annoyed with my husband.
I always have work to do at home, plus most days I’m the only one to take care of the baby. He always asks if I want his help with the baby but I usually say no because he always acts so put upon when I say yes. He works a lot but I take care of everything else so that he doesn’t have to do anything but I just needed this weekend to work.
So now I’m pissed off and probably won’t finish my work (which is going to royally fuck me over). AITA for being pissed off?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
1HujWEG9zdvZWwcNnVGRjF3DIwIINdYY
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a7z5yl
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{
"description": "asking my fiancé to not get a visible, cringey quote tattoo",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for asking my fiancé to not get a visible, cringey quote tattoo?
|
AITA for asking my fiancé to not get a visible, cringey quote as her first tattoo? This weekend she plans to get her first tattoo, which will be "To not being dead" on her forearm.
She has talked about getting a tattoo in the past and I've heard about a dozen she has "wanted for a long time" but this is the first I've heard of this one.
She plans to get it along with her best friend who have apparently said this every time they take a shot. This other friend of her's has some TERRIBLE tattoo choices that I cannot comprehend, Such as a pirate hello kitty on his ass because he lost a bet, Along with some other LOW quality artwork. But that is not my body, Nor one I see on the regular so to each their own.
To be clear I am NOT against her getting a tattoo, But I feel you should really plan on what your tattoo will be\represent for the rest of your life, Especially in a place as obvious as your forearm. My main issue is that she seems to jump from tattoo too tattoo saying she wants one, but will regret it in the future.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
tpUuEzA9YntDAlLa8WAGxMTF2VDiwRtJ
|
aqa5g5
|
{
"description": "calling my gf naïve",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 79
}
|
AITA for calling my gf naïve?
|
I’m 21M and my gf is 21 also. She was raised by abusive parents who stole from her and verbally abused her for her mental illnesses. They are also anti-vaxxers and are extremely conservative and religious people. They sent her to a Christian private school where she was force fed a lot of racist, homophobic, and sexist propaganda. On top of all that, my gf was a competitive gymnast and her coaches led her to believe that she was fat and disgusting her whole life.
Now she is in college, no longer a gymnast, and is very liberal and actively tries to educate herself about the things she didn’t have exposure to as a kid. She got vaccinated as soon as she turned 18 and has been proactive about her own reproductive health.
That been said, she is so naïve. She did not realize that her parents were abusive until I told her they were, and her mind was positively blown when she realized that having her parents steal $10k from her college saving and bully her relentlessly for her OCD compulsions was not normal. This is mind-blowing to me that she can’t see this. She also has really bad body dysmorphia and was anorexic all through high school because of her coaches. She’s naturally skinny, but she doesn’t see it at all and it’s almost like she can’t see it even if she tries. It’s really frustrating to me because these are things that are so obvious to me that she just isn’t understanding. She’s a brilliant girl academically and she’s very in touch with her emotions but when it comes to anything else, she’s clueless. The other day we were talking about fitness and she said “I’m just worried about getting too bulky if I do too much lifting” to which I said “you won’t get bulky overnight, and you’re not even lifting too much at all. Besides, you’re really lean and probably don’t tend to get bulky.” She said, “my coaches always told me I built muscle really quickly and its easy for me to look chunky and fat” and I said “your coaches were lying to you and manipulating you to make you feel like shit so you wouldn’t eat. How can you be so naïve about everything?”
She got pretty upset. She keeps saying that she’s trying to undo everything that had been taught to her as a kid, but it’s hard and takes time. I feel bad for lashing out but it’s frustrating to me that she can be so clueless about such obvious things.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
Rkc5PL295K9dJ4HkVPPeDBHCHxZQXu97
|
axproc
|
{
"description": "considering my husband's hoa stuff a hobby",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for considering my husband's HOA stuff a hobby?
|
My husband and I both work full time jobs. We ended up moving into a new town home community when we got married that was more or less equidistant from our work in opposite directions(although my commute is slightly less and his is prone to accidents delaying him).
I gave up a lot of my hobbies to move--something I relate very strongly to my self - identity. Whatever, I adjusted what I could do and found tentative balance.
We had a son in October who is now about 5 months. I take him to day care and I take him home. I feed him, bathe him, prepare his stuff for the next day etc. My husband spends some time with him changing diapers and playing, but it's largely me with my husband doing some house chores when I'm getting the baby from day care.
Our HOA is just starting to get transitioned to the neighborhood hands and it's a shit show. My husband's vice president and does the majority of the bitch work... Answering emails, setting up meetings, community relations etc. Every. Day. And often on weekends.
He's not paid; it's a volunteer position. Problem is he spends so much time doing this stuff. When I try to do hobby stuff he wants to carve out time for him but I consider his time HOA ing as the equivalent to my extracurricular time. He considers it "vital to the retention of value of our home" and doesn't count it.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
uy8mrB2pmJaiU3rKF9s75QLcruZgyNMp
|
b48iei
|
{
"description": "considering catfishing my ex's new bf",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for considering catfishing my ex's new bf?
|
Tl:Dr at the end.
Sorry for mobile format and English is not my maternal language.
So, a few days ago I went for a coffee with my ex's sister and parents because we missed each other and I always considered them like my second family. I was with my ex for almost 6 years and lived at her family's house for around 1 year. When we went for a coffee I learned that my ex's new boyfriend is a total asshole, is being verbally abusive and is very manipulative. (her parents told me that)
I know how it looks but I can assure you that even if I still have affection for my ex, I am not in love with her anymore and would not want to be in a relationship with her anytime soon, but I still want what's best for her. So, AITA for considering to catfish her bf (because I know he would cheat on her if he had the occasion, since he did it in the past) to break them up? Should I just wait and see her cut ties with all her friends and family because of him or should I try something.
Tl:Dr :learned from ex's parents that new bf is abusive and I'm considering trying to break them up by catfishing him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
McQNhTt4jf2VVFN1s5n8DoUvZSDlNeyB
|
ajvg6l
|
{
"description": "bringing up the obvious imbalance in who does the housework in my family home",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for bringing up the obvious imbalance in who does the housework in my family home?
|
I am the oldest of 3 children (22f), with one brother and one sister (20 and 19). I'm a student in a city a four hour bus journey from my family home but it's expensive to travel so I go home maybe every second or third weekend.
A couple of weekends ago I got into a fight with my mom because she felt I had a bad attitude about doing the dishes for her after dinner. For some background info, my father and brother do none of the housework and as far as I can remember never have. My dad brings out the bins and lights the fire in the winter and that's about it, and after dinner he and my brother leave the table while my sister and I are expected to do the dishes. I'll admit I was annoyed to do them at this time, purely because of this reason, and afterwards when she stood in the sitting room door to shout at me about having a bad attitude I asked her why they couldn't do it.
She then accused me of not wanting to do anything to help her which is really not true at all, and of hurting her feelings. I saw the chance to apologise because OF COURSE I don't want to hurt my own mothers feelings, but her argument style does not allow any healthy discussion, just her going around in circles with accusations and then leaving the room when she's got it out of her system.
I wanted to tell her I felt it was unfair that my sister and I were expected to do things for her when she's always allowed my father and brother to just kick back, but again I couldn't get a word in edgeways on her rant on how ungrateful I was. For some more background info, my mother has two jobs and my dad has been unemployed for years just because of the lack of work in the area. I get the feeling she has tried to bring it up with my dad in the past but has simply been shouted down, and she feels that nobody wants to help her.
My family has always had a communication problem because my parents bottle things up and then take them on us by starting a one - sided shouting match that us kids can never win. And I'm starting to get sick of it. I came home this evening and I did the dishes just to keep the peace because of course I want to help my mother - I love her so much and she's such an amazing help to me. I just want to see my dad and brother do the fucking dishes every once in a while. Does that make me an asshole??
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
jHKeVcaLgqmseOQvWbwvmHoGIY7lnJpK
|
ab7yy9
|
{
"description": "not calling my mother more often",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not calling my mother more often?
|
I am 24F and an only child. I just got a new apartment with my sweetheart about a month ago and moved out of my parent's house where we stayed much longer than we would have liked. I had lived away from home when I was 19-21 and my mom used to talk to me everyday, it drove me nuts because if i'd try to go one day without talking to her she would say things like "we haven't talked in so long" I figured this was normal with moms at my age until my peers told me that their mothers give them way more space, even going so far as to saying things like "Geez, I wish my mom cared about me that much!" Which made me feel really bad.
Flash forward to now, I figured by now she would give me more space. Nope. For the record my mom is pushing 60 and hasn't much of a clue when it comes to the internet. So she "texts" me now via facebook on her prehistoric laptop. I haven't used messenger in 6+ months, but I recently had to download it for some other purpose but now I feel obligated to keep it. I try to ignore all the notifications I get from her for at least a few hours but for the best of my knowledge it still always says im online even when i'm not. She will constantly send me pointless things like "hey i found this on the facebook sight free furniture *sends link to random persons facebook*" and then send a broken link, followed by more stupid crap. All the time everyday, and i've gotten so annoyed I just want to block her. She doesn't call as often as she used to but I wish she did instead of constant messenger spam. Few weeks ago she called and I answered letter her know I have guests over and she starting crying and said "i just wanna talk to my daughter once in a while, is that so bad?!" Now seriously i hate seeing my mother cry but she cries all the time because of me, I hate it. I feel like such an asshole.
I went to go visit my parents for the holiday
literally five days ago and she sent me "Call home sometime, will ya?"-esque facebook message yesterday. I didnt open it up, pretended not to see it, and called home out of guilt. No answer meaning my folks are at the bar. I assumed she would call me back when she gets home but nope just an abundance of messenger notifications i chose to ignore until she asked if I was okay and that she was worried I called for an emergency so I responded with "Just wanted to say Happy New Years, no big deal." But really I just want to avoid her like the plague right now. I would love to go just one week without having to talk to her.
Am I getting way too annoyed with my mom who's just trying to care about me? I feel like an asshole for sure.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
cMSwGBtuHtwFzk9Wb1VMZgncKWnKKCyK
|
9xwtkc
|
{
"description": "my group being loud at a restaurant",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for my group being loud at a restaurant?
|
It was my friends birthday, and we had booked a table for 12 at our favourite Japanese restaurant. We are an old group of friends that have known each other since high school, and had since spread all over the the UK for work or uni, so we hadn't seen each other for a long time.
We were given a big table downstairs, it almost felt like a private room because it was so small, but there were a couple of other small tables for 4 - one of which was occupied by two guys who looked about our age (24ish). So there was our big group of 12 coming to sit down, and this other table of two guys in this small room, in close proximity. I already felt kinda bad for them, and I imagined their hearts sank when they saw us come in - since they had peace and quiet before. But I did wonder why they were down here. The restaurant was hardly busy, and there had been plenty of empty tables upstairs in the main area. Maybe they just liked the privacy.
Anyway, we got merry. It was BYOB, and we had brought bottles of wine and were having a lot of fun catching up, and I won't deny it, we were loud. Laughing at jokes and such. As the meal continued, I started noticing pauses in the conversation where my friends seemed to be reacting to something confusing (I was at the far end of the table). It soon came to my attention that the two guys were randomly shouting nonsensical words out of frustration at us. Again, I felt bad, but I felt that they had the choice to go upstairs at any point if they wanted to (they were only drinking tea and didn't have plates of food to take with them). If they had an issue they could have asked us to be more quiet, this behaviour just seemed needlessly antagonistic.
I took note of how loud we continued to be, now prepared to tell our group to be more quiet if we got too loud, but there was no point where I felt that happened. Not until the very end, where we all started laughing at a great joke my friend made. We started filing out of the room when one of the guys loudly yelled *"Bitches!"* after us. We were mostly just taken aback and just left without confronting him.
Were we the assholes? I think we could have been quieter, but I felt like for a group of 12 we could only be so quiet, and the guys always had the choice to move back upstairs. Surely when they came down and saw the big table waiting for a large party they would have anticipated this? What do you think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
y70BLyPnfL7XqduSQJUh7TIK0JkXSFBG
|
ax235f
|
{
"description": "not speaking to my friend when he Prank called me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For Not Speaking To My Friend When He Prank Called Me.
|
Hey Guys,
so I'm new here and have terrible spelling and language skills in general, so I apologize if anything is difficult to read. Stay in skool
I have a very good friend of mine I've known for 14 years. We have a very good friendship overall. I'm an amateur filmmaker / rave dj and he's an aspiring actor/comedian.
We've always told each other our dreams and have always tried to help each other achieve them (IE. Him acting in my films, helping me create music, and me co hosting for his college radio show, and helping him write jokes). He has always been very supportive of what I want to do in my life, and was there for me when I discovered my mental health issues (I have anxiety and severe depression, which I've been treated for).
That being said, I get a call from my friend we'll refer to as David. David is slurring his words and is crying. I can tell somethings not right as he has a very quirky and positive attitude. He tells me that he's been drinking because he thinks he's gonna lose his job.
A customer yelled at him, and his manager took the customer's side. I was really scared for him as I'm a recovered drug addict, and know the beginning of the spiral down when I see it. I told him he needs to stop drinking now, and go home, and that drinking was only going to make it worse. I told him that I had plans, but I was willing to cancel them if he was in trouble.
His voice then changed, and he began laughing, Saying that this was a joke, and that he was on break and just bored. I proceeded to call him every curse word in the English dictionary, while he laughed and said I was a good friend.
​
After I hung up, I sat in silence for most of the day in anger and disappointment. I sent him a text back and said I was really upset with him, and that I would see him next week (we do a podcast and YouTube channel with a couple other friends). I think what gets me is the fact that I thought he was in trouble and he really needed someone to talk to.
I've never had someone call me asking for help, but I would only hope my friends would contact me first. I have since not talked to him because I feel this was just the stupidest thing a friend could do.
I feel he knew this was a serious situation with me, and knew he could get a good reaction from me. Its gotten to the point now where I don't trust him and want to cut him out of my life completely. I also have thought of replacing him on our podcast. But I don't want to jeopardize my friendship with everyone else in that group.
TL;DR I get a call from a good friend saying that he thinks he's lost his job, and is heavily drinking. I get worried, tell him to stop drinking, because I'm a recovered drug addict. He then tells me he was joking, leaving me pissed off; not talking to him, and wanting to replace him on a podcast we started.
​
Am I the Asshole who can't take a joke? Or was this a douche bag move by David?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
1ZJWYgVglMNFNAUQtPAz0vCD4KoG8L6o
|
b07pi3
|
{
"description": "getting my name changed",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I got my name changed?
|
Title says it all and I'm glad I'm finally asking even if it is on a throw away account. I'd like to get my name changed for a total of 3 reasons that I've put together for convenience of explanation.
1. I do not like my name and really never have since childhood. I've gotten use to the first part of my name since then and since my parents gave it to me, I thought I'd keep it for them if I change it but everything else I wish to change purely because I don't want it.
2. The most important reason is due to my relations with my father and my brother in which both are pure bonafide assholes. My father has been a provider for us to his credit which I cannot thank enough for him doing providing a warm bed, clothes, a roof to stay under and other certain luxuries that might not be available to others. But the father I've had instead of the provider aspect of him is just a dick. I never have gotten any advice from him, he's never spent any time with me unless it was mandatory, and he always seems to be angry or just a asshole about everything. He really just never treats or never has treated me like a son before and I've heard him say multiple times that I'm a waste of time or that I am not worth anything of value. He's gotten better in his old age and he currently is in a declining state due to health problems, but does that mean I should forgive him at all for the stuff he has said/done? My brother is a more advance asshole being one of the most egotistical dickbags I have ever come across. He is trashy, he smokes and drinks, does not have any manners or care for anybody at all except himself, and has recently over a dispute declared that I was no longer his brother and have never been to which I agreed heavily on. I personally have told him after upsetting my mother multiple times and angering me over a long span that he just needs to die which is harsh but honestly how do you forget or forgive all the times you've been wronged or abused by someone of your own blood? Both figures have treated me like shit for my life and I would rather not go into detail but for the longest time it has just seemed like I have had no family or anybody to rely on at all except for my mom and some of her side of the family. I barley talk to them at all now despite living under the same roof and I don't wish to have the same last name as them anymore since it boggles the mind how I am even related to them.
3. Like a lot of people, I've been struggling with my own dish of problems/stress/depression and frankly, it just feels like I need a redo or a motive for change. I feel like getting a name change would be the start of that and while it wouldn't erase any bad memories or actions that I have or had done, I just feel like it's a step I have to take and would be a new chapter entirely for me for the better.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
wH5XfmzsQTsme08hFz81smcfLRPUbcE7
|
b72zy9
|
{
"description": "trying to save my client from his wife's financial situation",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to save my client from his wife's financial situation?
|
I'm using a new account due to the fact that my main account is all fandom-related bullshit. I am an accountant in the US and our tax season is almost done (FINALLY), but it's still stressful.
I have this client that I've been taking care of for a few years and he always got refunds every time he filed his return since he always made estimated tax payments. When he got married in 2017, his wife with him, which ended up that they both owed a substantial amount of taxes on their joint return. I'd like to point out that they're both freelancers therefore their income fluctuates. My client is usually good at reporting to me when he receives a good amount of income, so that he can pay in his estimated taxes during the year. His wife, on the other hand, is completely MIA until I initiate. I reach out to her and give her tax projections, but it always falls through because she always says she "doesn't have enough funds."
Since it's tax season, my client calls me to ask me about his taxes and expresses that he would not like to be screwed over this year. I told him, "It depends on how much you made and how much taxes you've paid in for the year. I can't give a definite answer without knowing the big picture." After 10 minutes of going back and forth over the phone with various scenarios, I finally say "listen, if you're worried about owing a huge amount of taxes this year due to your wife, talk to your wife about filing separately therefore you won't be liable for the taxes that she will eventually owe for this year and she will have to pay the taxes that she owes on what she's made." He gives me this MANIACAL laugh over the phone and says along the lines of "so basically I just let her rot in jail for her unpaid taxes and I walk away scot-free?" That's not how it works. I explain to him that it it's only a SUGGESTION and that she won't be "thrown in jail" just because she owes taxes. He says "well, we're together as a married couple therefore we should be in this together." I kept my mouth shut even though I can list a substantial amount of clients that are married and still file separately, but, hey, that's just me.
We end our conversation and I'm still waiting for their information so I can file their tax return...
**TL;DR: AITA for suggesting to my client to file separately from his wife, because she has a bad habit of not paying her taxes, while he does, which screws him from getting his refund?**
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
FQJhKxF7fIIkLcCgUsOAR9wATWKFPfG3
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a3vl7u
| null |
AITA for believe that physical attractiveness is a strong component in a successful relationship?
|
Had this debate with a friend who said that if you love someone you should love them regardless of how they look. While I agree on some level (ex. I obviously don't think if you're pregnant you need to get back into tip top shape any time soon). I believe that there needs to be some level of physical attraction between a couple for there to be a successful relationship because if you don't find the other person attractive it's hard to upkeep other aspects of your relationship. They said I was an asshole because looks shouldn't play a part in relationships, but I think it's naive to think that looks don't play a role. They may play a small role, but it's still a role. And when I say physical attraction I just mean for your partner, not on an objective scale.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
XqwiSy4uAzl111E2lzVJbDTNGe31an4k
|
b9i1m3
|
{
"description": "wanting to lay down and rest after getting home from the hospital",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For wanting to lay down and rest after getting home from the hospital?
|
So I went to the hospital on Tuesday, with signs of possible strokes happening once a day.
I was admitted at 11:45 that night. The next day I had 2 MRI'S, ultrasound of my neck, chest x-ray, head x-ray. Got blood drawn 4 times, and have a heart monitor hooked up and was checked on every two hours. I wasn't able to get much sleep. They informed me it was migraines. They were strong enough to put me in intense pain want loose all vision in my eyes and my body goes completely numb.
I was discharged at 10:30 last night. I got home, ate something small and passed out. I was uncomfortable and couldn't sleep well. I kept waking up throughout the night, my head killing me. I went back to sleep around 8 am and woke up at 2pm. I took my meds at 4:15, which includes a pill for the headaches. The doctor told me they were incredibly strong and will knock me out after 20 minutes of taking them. And it's starting to work.
I have birds, cockatiels, and they love to sing. My grandfather has the garage open and they can see and feel the sunlight and he's getting upset at them. He had me get up and go clean their waters and feed them for the second time today, which is done every morning to not waste food. He wants me to stand there and help him with his project too. Which is putting together a bench
He's constantly getting mad and is now getting mad that I'm laying down wanting to sleep this headache off.
I don't know why he's angry about this, he took me to the hospital. I'm on the low end of a fever, my head feels like it's been hit with a baseball bat, and I can barely stand without stumbling. My body is trying to work with the pain med, and every time I get up, it makes my body confused on why I'm unsteady.
Am I the asshole for just wanting to sleep and rest?
TL;DR: I got home from the hospital last night, and want to rest today. Grandfather is mad I'm not up keeping my birds silent and not helping him.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b5yrzb
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{
"description": "having an \"a list\" and \"b list\" for my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I had an "A list" and "B list" for my wedding?
|
**The Context:**
If you have ever planned a wedding, you will understand that deciding on the guest list is an unpleasant but necessary undertaking. My SO and I drafted a comprehensive list of who should be invited-- starting with immediate family, venturing into relatives, childhood and current friends, and finishing with a smattering of other meaningful people. It's not like we were merciless in our selection, but it's not as if former next-door neighbours, or even well-liked colleagues were making the cut. The final count was somewhere in the area of 100.
This 100 invitees don't include two classic wedding demographics: Plus-ones and Children/babies. The wedding won't be until next year, so who knows if cousin Doug will still be with his girlfriend in six months (last I heard things were not looking good), and its anyone's guess if Janyssa will finally find her soul mate between now and the wedding. Babies and children are currently at a minimum of 7, but we are at that age where this could easily turn to 12 (I'm looking at you, Chris). Let's pencil in 25, for a total of 125 prospective attendees.
With guest list in hand, venues are the next thing to look at, and many of our top choices seem to fit 80 to 100 guests. The thing is though, 125 invitees doesn't mean 125 guests. There are a dozen reasons people may decide not to attend-- can't take time off work, can't afford the trip-- whatever the reason, it is a fact of life. For obvious reasons though, we can't book a venue with a capacity of 80 and then find out 105 people want to show up. Heck, we might not even be able to book a venue for 100 if everybody shows up.
**The Choice:**
We both have some issues with not allowing plus ones or kids. I'm not judging anybody who chose not to do this at their wedding, it just doesn't work for us personally.
This leaves us with a moral dilemma -- WIBTA (we be the assholes?) if we created a wedding "A" list, and a wedding "B" list? With this option we send out staggered wedding invites-- the first to our "A list" (including A list plus ones and children), and then based on acceptance rate, we send out a B list (including plus ones and kids). This way if our A listers are attending but not bringing kids or plus ones, we can safely know the B listers will be fine to bring their plus ones and kids.
Obviously we would not tell people we are doing this.
**TL;DR:** WIBTA if I stagger wedding invitations to an "A list" and "B list" in order to fit a hypothetical venue.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
anrp26
|
{
"description": "getting upset with my friends for having personal conversations in our group chats",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting upset with my friends for having personal conversations in our group chats?
|
Backstory, with our group of friends we have multiple group chats. We usually fuck around and send memes and stuff or whatever but when someone has a problem and they need help then we always, *always* stick up for each other and make their problems our problems.
However, there is a pair of us who are together (not me) and that's awesome and they're amazing together. I love them both. My issue is that consistently they have their own personal conversations about their relationships and shit in our group chats. They talk to each other about stuff, they argue, whatever. I realize that is a important part of their relationship, but they're literally only talking to each other, and only about problems that concern them, and *not* us. They're also very obviously not trying to have a conversation with any of us, they're only talking to each other, like if they were in PM. I keep trying to ask them to take their conversations to PM and they just tell me to mute the chat.
I don't understand why everyone else should have to mute the chat for them to talk to each other. The chat is for everyone to talk to each other, about things that are relevant to everyone, or at least most of us. Not for them to have their personal conversations. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ae3v6d
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{
"description": "not letting my teenage daughter sleep over in a house in a really bad neighborhood",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for not letting my teenage daughter sleep over in a house in a really bad neighborhood?
|
My daughter is 13 and recently asked me and my husband if she could attend a sleepover this weekend at another girls house. I know this girl and I also know her family is not well off and live in a very dangerous part of town, tons of drug dealers, illegal workers, street prostitutes, etc. walk along that street at all hours. I know because I take that path to work some days.
My husband doesn’t think it’s a big deal as long as the parents are both there but I don’t think so. I think just staying the night there would be a risk. I highly doubt that girls parents have any kind of home alarm system.
I’ve already told my daughter no and she’s throwing a fit, ignoring me, the whole nine yards. I’m sticking firm to my decision because I know it’s the best for her SAFETY even if she’s thinks I’m being a massive asshole right now.
AITA for not wanting my daughter to sleepover in a dangerous part of town? Thanks in advance.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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|
a0ncdf
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{
"description": "wanting to cut off my ex and feeling creeped out he got me birthday presents",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to cut off my ex and feeling creeped out he got me birthday presents?
|
He bought me three small presents for my birthday that I never asked for nor wanted. Its really awkward and weird.
5 months ago, I broke up with my ex and he has taken it really hard.
It was my first breakup and I was naive thinking that he would get over me quickly and we could be friends again. I texted him saying I was open to talk about the break up and listen to him.
That was my first mistake because I led him to believe that there was still hope and I was giving him a ledge to hang on. When he began to get too clingy and desperate, I cut off communication but he didn't take it very well. I finally decided to talk to him. He basically complained that things weren't the same. After that, I never wanted to talk about it again.
Also, about two weeks after we broke up, he bought my mom a birthday gift which I thought was weird, because he never even tried to have a good relationship with my mom and he didn't do it last year when we were dating.
He also came to my house uninvited to give me garden tomatoes and then complained afterwards that I wasn't "excited" enough to get the tomatoes? (WTF)
After, things settled down and I slowly stopped replying as much to his texts. He was always the first one to text me. Then I started texting back because I felt bad, but we didn't talk much.
Then I found out my ex looked through my friend's private messages between him and me without permission. He saw the messages where I was ranting to my friend about what a pain in the ass my ex is. My friend told me not to tell my ex. I felt very violated of my privacy and I felt I couldn't trust any of my mutual friends.
Then his best friend texted me and said he is self harming and I felt bad so I texted him and told him he needed help and i was here for support. He said he wanted to be friends and he though I was uncomfortable texting him. I lied and said I wasn't, I was just busy.
This was another mistake I made. Im afraid I enable him to self-victimize because I seem to pay attention when he does this. He always acts out in an inane and childish way when I'm around.
We had an alumni day at my high school and I hung out with my HS group which includes my and my ex's mutual friends. After my ex left, I was talking to his friend and said I was meeting up with a guy friend at the train station. After I left, my ex asked what we talked about and his friend thought I was meeting up with my boyfriend. I found out from my ex's friend that my ex became paranoid and it was eating him up to find out who it was and if it was true. The ex's friend told me not to tell anyone.
At this point, I felt like my privacy was violated and I decided that I wanted to stop contact with him because it was clear he still not moving on. But I couldn't do it out of the blue since I promised I wouldnt tell about what happened. From that point on, he was always texting me and I always responded curtly. He's sent a long Thanksgiving text about him being thankful for me and I replied just saying Thank you and Happy Thanksgiving.
Then he sent me the presents. Honestly afraid he'll come to my college campus when I stop replying to his texts.
Am I in the wrong? Am I an asshole for wanting nothing to do with him even though he's in emotional pain?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b2ln85
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{
"description": "being annoyed at my gf",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being annoyed at my gf?
|
So today my girlfriend went to talk to a dude, he hugged her, and then they spoke for a few minutes. I've always gotten some kind of vibe from him that he's interested in my girlfriend, at least since we got together. But he's my friend so Ive just let it slide. His Snapchat name on her phone is even "big daddy king" so thats just a bonus.
Anyway they talked for a few minutes after he hugged her, and later today I asked her what they were talking about, and she just said it was nothing. I persisted on asking her and trying to find out, but she just said it was nothing very nonchalantly.
So AITA for being slightly annoyed and very jealous?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
1rPQIiTd9WK8mkJPn7e5SqfJHIhPbFut
|
aqawxe
|
{
"description": "wanting to admit my feelings to a girl with a boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA if I want to admit my feelings to a girl with a boyfriend?
|
Of course from just the title the obvious answer is YTA, but hear me out.
I met this girl 4 years ago, when I was 19. I was still figuring myself out, since now I'm a confirmed demisexual type of person. I was never one to be with a random girl just for the deal of it, and can hardly even perform under those circumstances.
But when I met this girl I started to feel attracted to her. Not only did we share interests, but our emotional aspect was preety much on point. During this time she was single and so was I, and we even got to cuddle once. But out of my fear, I simply didn't do anything about it and we simply drifted away. She started dating another guy and once that happened we stopped talking all together.
Last month I had been going through a self discovery journey of sorts, traveling and meeting new people and decided to contact her again. We hit it off preety well and while we chatted I did my best to see if she still was single. The whole month goes through and no mention of a boyfriend nor while texting nor in social media. I know people that don't usually publish their personal relationships on the internet but she simply did not talk about it.
When I came back from my travels (about a couple of weeks ago) , we met again and I asked her if she was seeing anyone, at which point she states that she is, and with the same guy for 2 years.
I kinda fell apart and got distressed. And these weeks have been quite rough for me emotionally, only blaming myself for simply not acting when the possibility was real.
I am planning on telling her the truth, of how I still have strong feelings for her. I am not looking for her to dump her boyfriend, nor am I looking for a petty excuse to barge into other people's life, but I just can't live with all of this anguish inside of me.
I'll take advice AND any criticism. I truly feel like an asshole doing this but many of my friends agreed that I should be honest with her. (I'm incapable of lying. Even if I try it's preety obvious I'm lying) and I know she knows I'm depressed as hell, which is horrible when she asks what's wrong and I simply pretend it's a "random lol depression".
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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|
an8vf3
|
{
"description": "being pissed that my girlfriend got a pet",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being pissed that my girlfriend got a pet?
|
Backstory: we’re both 20 year old college students and we live together in a tiny 650 square foot, one bedroom apartment
She’s been wanting to get some kind of pet for a long time now and I’ve been against it the entire time. I feel that if I don’t want a pet, she shouldn’t be able to get one because we live in a tiny shared space.
First she wanted a cat, but I’m deathly allergic. Then she wanted a dog but I finally convinced her that was a bad idea because we both work 30 hours a week while going to school full time and would have no time for it. Recently, she’s had her mind set on a guinea pig and I’ve refused yet again because I have to live in this place too and I don’t want one.
Fast forward a few weeks and I drive back to my hometown to spend the weekend with my family and watch the super bowl. Well, I come back Monday to find a GIANT, and I’m not exaggerating when I say giant, guinea pig cage on the floor on MY SIDE OF THE BED. She took the opportunity of me being gone to go buy a guinea pig, a full cage, and any other little necessity you’d need to own one, and set it up on my side of the room, completely taking up my space. I’m livid.
My only question is, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
cZ6TRBu8pYICo5odmO0d6VNQ6K7iSZyr
|
ai7c93
|
{
"description": "ghosting a guy on a dating app that I had an intense rape dream about",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA For ghosting a guy on a dating app that i had an intense rape dream about
|
This happened probably four or five years ago, I was about 18 years old and I had just started using dating apps like tinder and OkCupid. One of the very first guys I started talking to was this slightly nerdy, sweet guy that I was really enjoying talking to. We didn't have a whole lot in common, honestly I don't think it would have really turned anything anyway, but I was enjoying the conversation.
Probably a week or week and a half into talking to him over the app, I had a very realistic and intense rape dream involving him. I was in college at the time and it was a very realistic dream that made me wake up shaking and sweating. The next morning when I got a good morning message from him, I I literally cringe when I saw his face. I couldn't look at him anymore without thinking of that dream, so I proceeded to block him. I even tried unblocking him a few months later and I still got that deep feeling in my stomach and I couldn't say anything to him.
AITA for ghosting him? I tried to think of something to say, but how do you say " sorry you're cool, but I had a dream where you raped me so I can't talk to you anymore" without sounding really crazy? Should I have just tried to work through it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
TMwV1OSGRay15ZtOGwL7WRdNEk3SH4FJ
|
apg9oh
|
{
"description": "being incredibly angry with my mother for going to see my sick aunt without me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for being incredibly angry with my mother for going to see my sick aunt without me?
|
Right, so a bit of context. I can't drive and my aunt lives around 3 hours away from me and most of my family. Neither me or my mum have seen her in about 3 years.
I'm only 19 and I suffer from anxiety which makes it hard for me to go places by myself. My mum knows this.
Around Christmas time, my mum called me to say my aunt (my mum's sister) was very ill, her lungs are badly infected so she'd been put into an induced coma to help her breathe properly and give her body a rest. I was told that there is a high chance she wouldn't wake up.
So immediately, I asked my mum if we could go and see her together. She said that she would see what the doctors say and let me know.
I told her that I felt incredibly guilty because of how I hadn't seen her in so long, and she always texted me telling me she missed me. I took it for granted and I wanted to say sorry and to tell her how I felt.
Fast forward to a few days later, my uncle put something on Facebook updating us slightly on my aunt's situation. I commented on it saying how worried I was and my uncle replied with "it was nice to see your mum today"...
I started shaking because I was so angry. She didn't let me know at all that she was going, she knew I wanted to go.
I immediately called her up and she didn't answer. She called back a bit later but I decided to leave it until the next day because it's a sensitive situation and I didn't want to try and make it all about me.
So the next day, I text her asking why she went without me and telling her that I was really upset, with her knowing full well I wanted to go and couldn't go otherwise. She sent me a text updating me on my aunt's situation but didn't really give me an answer. I didn't push it because again, it was a sensitive situation. I know that everyone is dealing with hell. I'm still incredibly angry with her though.
Over new year my aunt goes into cardiac arrest. She nearly died and would have if she wasn't in a specific hospital that has the correct technology to stop it.
A couple of weeks after this, my mum asks if I want to go and see her, so I said yes. I did let her know again that I was very upset that she didn't let me know the other week because I wanted to go and she knew this. She didn't apologise or anything.
But I was like ok, I'm going to see her now. I guess it's ok.
A week later I get another call from my mum saying that my aunt's brain is swollen as a result of the lack of oxygen when she went into cardiac arrest. Her lungs were unable to pump oxygen through her body properly when they were doing the CPR. We were told that she was probably going to die in the next few days and they were going to do a brain scan to find out the extent of the damage in the next couple of days.
So we go over there again, this time staying overnight. During this time my mum was horrible to me. I know she was dealing with her own shit because obviously, her sister is on her death bed, but every time I spoke or slightly complained about anything she would tell me to shut up. She never asked me how I was, never sat down to talk to me at all. All she did was tell me to shut up.
I felt like I didn't have a right to have any emotions when I was going through my own hell, just like everyone else.
They do the brain scan and the results of it showed that she doesn't really have much activity. She wasn't brain dead but she couldn't understand/respond to most things.
So that means that since new year, she wasn't really there. She couldn't have possibly known I was there. I'd missed my chance to say things I wanted to say to her after 3 years.
If I'd have gone before, when my mum did, there would have been a chance that she'd understand.
This led to me being incredibly angry with my mum again. And now I don't know if I want to talk to her for a while.
Everyone except my partner is saying it's not a big deal and I shouldn't be as upset as I am but I feel like I have the right to be.
It's been a few weeks and my mum hasn't even attempted to text me/call me. I'm waiting for her to contact me. I don't want to contact her.
My aunt survived but is now in a vegetative state. She is being looked after in a nursing home but can't understand/respond to much still.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
3YP646guL7Q3N1e1H4vsLgJgLr3hXi1W
|
av4xgb
|
{
"description": "setting a buddy back in an intro class because he would not help with the assignments",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for setting a buddy back in an intro class because he would not help with the assignments?
|
Background, I (F) am a sophomore in college, the friend (Tom, M, sophmore) are both Electrical Engineering (EE) students.
One of the classes required for EE students is an intro class that is only homework based. To make it easier the class meets 2 days a week and on the second day they give you the answers to the homework. This class is meant to be a GPA booster and teach you how to use MATLAB without much stress. The homework can be completed alone or in a group of two.
Here is where the issues begin. After the first 2 weeks of class and assignments, Tom stopped showing any involvement in the assignments, not even a text asking if the homework was done. He had a different time for the second class so he could not see my work and I could not see his.
So, I turned in assignments 3-5 without his name on them. A few weeks later he notices he has 0 points for HW 3 and asks about it. I tell him I forgot to put his name on the assignment and that I will email the instructor.
He then seemed to show interest in helping again and said he would do the end report for the next assignment, which is just putting my screencaps of the code into a word doc.
The due date comes, and I end up doing all of the work again without a word from him so I can receive points. For some reason I put his name on this assignment.
Tom is busy with other clubs on campus and our schedules are almost identical, so I know the difficult classes he’s taking. However, this class literally gives you the answers if you just show up to the recitation period.
I then emailed the instructors and asked to meet with them to discuss his lack of contribution to the assignment. I asked for his name to be removed from everything but assignments 1 and 2. Essentially, he will have 37% in the intro course with half the semester to fix his grade on his own. I also had his name removed from a lab report in our circuits class as this pattern has continued into that class as well.
AITA for setting him back in an intro class because he would not help with the assignments?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
PtPXqLsSwtpX1Glxmzi8Yyus2j3pP9zE
|
ayklhm
|
{
"description": "pestering my dealership to get the accessories my car was supposed to come with",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for pestering my dealership to get the accessories my car was supposed to come with?
|
I hate buying cars from a dealer. But with the poor timing of having a sheet of black ice sentence my beloved Tacoma to a concrete wall, and an upcoming road trip in the next week, I had to get something reliable soon. I settled on a used 2013 Scion xB from the local Subaru dealership. I noticed the front tires were wearing thin, and brought that up during the deal. They said “Nope! We checked them and they’re 70% tread” which they clearly weren’t. But they’re clearly under a third treadlife left. I also noticed the floor mats were not present, but I thought they’d be in the trunk after their detailing like all the previous cars I’ve purchased. After all, the Carfax said “floor mats installed” when the dealership originally took it in on trade. In hindsight I clearly should’ve checked, but mistakenly took their word for it. When all was said and done, I was handed the “key”. Just one. No second fob, no valet key, just one single key. This is a $260 second key from Toyota that I need to get cut and programmed now, and again, I wouldn’t have felt the need to clarify how many keys come with the vehicle during the negotiation. I assumed all the keys would be present. I only discovered the single key issue after the final handshake. And lastly, for the cherry on top, I found out while they were attaching the paper temp tag that there’s a screw broken off flush in the license plate hole.
The car has 65,000 miles and I paid just under $10k for the car. Yes, I knew I paid too much. But after all the issues, now I feel like I REALLY paid too much after discovering that some of the basic parts are missing. I am meeting with the “sales manager” tomorrow to discuss my disappointment, but am I the asshole for insisting on compensation for new tires, a second key, and floor mats?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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hRceYIGZ3HbRyEqF4S6so4aDmvc8hPbr
|
asq6qn
|
{
"description": "asking my bf about his religion",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my bf about his religion?
|
So some context, my boyfriend was raised catholic and I am agnostic. No big deal, we don’t argue about it, it hasn’t affected our relationship on any level. But yesterday out of the blue he confronted me and told me that he feels uncomfortable with how I speak about religion. Of course he is entitled to his feelings and I’m not trying to dismiss him. However, I’m very careful when speaking about religion because I know it can be a controversial subject, and our conversations about it are few and far between.
I asked him for an instance of when he felt this way and he said it was when I asked him if he would want our imaginary/future kids to go to church. Honest question, wasn’t said in a judgmental or negative way. I only asked because I was curious and because it is something that affects our future as a potential family. He said he wasn’t sure, maybe and I said ok. There was no further discussion about it and no awkwardness or negative feelings afterwards. And this conversation happened a week or two ago. He basically said I offended him and it was rude, and I was “shitting on religion”. I’m just trying to figure out if I asked an inappropriate question or said something I shouldn’t have.
|
HISTORICAL
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| null |
AITA with Anger Management Issues?
|
So this situation happened nearly a year ago but was brought up during a recent conversation.
I \[26M\] was with my gf \[24F\], one night where she had come round to my flat for some Netflix and chilling as usual. In between those fun times, we had ordered takeaway, but didn't exactly wait for it before continuing to the next round. Here's where it gets a little NSFW....
During one of those rounds having sex, it was fantastic, I was very close to reaching that point that many men know as \*the point of no return\*, and just when I was getting there.........the doorbell rang!
Unsurprisingly I was more than annoyed, as I had to stop right in the middle and answer the door. I swore and punched my wall in frustration (not very hard IMO), then went and got the takeaway.
I'd always looked back at that memory as a funny incident, but gf mentioned that it may be a sign of anger issues. She said wasn't scared or anything just a bit shocked.
I'm pretty calm guy most of the time and have been described as such by friends, gf and family "nothing ever bothers you!" etc. Punching walls isn't my thing when angry (because it hurts).
Not sure if right sub to be posting, suggestions welcome to direct me somewhere better...but... Was I the asshole?
📷
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
A4vOIXBkYA54bPE88n0hOyFXetZ8sdrS
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b24qz4
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{
"description": "refusing to throw away perfectly good clothes because the brand is linked to European Neo-nazis",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for refusing to throw away perfectly good clothes because the brand is linked to European Neo-Nazis?
|
So, a couple of years ago, I happened to come across a high street clothing shop in London that sold good quality cargo pants, jackets etc. They were not cheap but the material and stitching was very good and they felt great on me so I bought quite a few items. Cargo pants, a jacket, a few t shirts etc.
Been wearing them for a couple of years now and last night, a friend of mine looked at the brand and said "Oh, Thor Steinar! You know that brand is banned in some German cities and other parts of Europe because of facist links?"
Needless to say, I was shocked and confused and asked more. My friend works regularly in Germany and its information he's just picked up along the way.
I did a Google search on the brand and the Wiki page https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thor_Steinar
and sure enough, there has been quite a bit of controversy about it but it seems like a lot of it has been media hyped. Nothing that we'd heard of in the UK as far as I know but obviously those aren't the circles I mix with.
So I was left with a dilemma. I'm not a Neo Nazi, i abhor the whole ideology and do not want to be labelled as such nor do I want to wave the flag of a brand that may or may not have links to facists but at the same time feel that it's an unknown controversy here, they're good clothes and I like wearing them.
Now that I am aware of the controversy, I could throw them away as a protest of principle or I could continue to wear them. I asked my wife her thoughts on it and she said that now that I know, I'd be complicit and should do the right thing but my feelings are that they are just clothes, I like them and I'm not a facist so what's the harm.
Based on how the comments are in this thread, I will change my opinion and do what the majority feel is best.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
PsQd2teyV4Bh4TOO9XKBaEZXnoDQ613o
|
aca8xp
|
{
"description": "calling out of work 2 (possibly 3) days in a row",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling out of work 2 (possibly 3) days in a row?
|
So, some background.
This past year, as it was for many, was fucking hell. It was just one of those years where everything happened at the last second— sickness, accidents, family emergencies. The biggest of which was I chose to take a lot of unscheduled time off to be on suicide watch for my roommate/best friend because honestly, fuck work or any other priority at that point. I also struggle with severe anxiety and depression (which I am always very upfront about so people can understand when I need them to back off or what’s going on with me when I’m overly quiet, etc) so I had to take a couple of mental health days of my own during this time so I wouldn’t have a breakdown.
After being a retail manager for 8 years, I ABSOLUTELY understand the frustration of call outs, as well as a need to identify patterns of attendance and bring it to the attention of your employees, just as you would any other opportunity area, so that they may correct bad behavior and be steered toward a consistent performance.
With this all being said, here is my dilemma:
I’m sick af with the flu, which of course happened to descend last Saturday. After going to the doc’s on Tuesday, I’m basically looking at needing to be off the whole week for rest and, eventually, recovery.
I’m the type of person who would always just go in to work sick and ‘power through’— mostly because I was a manager but also because of my anxiety and convincing myself that I couldn’t afford any time to rest. Hell, I convinced myself I didn’t even deserve it. But I don’t work in retail anymore— I work at the hospital. Cancer Center, to be exact. Now, my role does not always put me face to face with patients but I will constantly pass them in the halls or even need to run to the infusion bay to check with the charge nurse on something. Because of this, and because of my understanding of how fragile their immune systems can be during chemo, I have called out more times in this one year than I ever have my entire working career. I’m terrified of passing on some simple sickness of mine to a cancer patient and being the cause of a hard crash for them.
So, back to this week. I had taken Monday off in exchange for working Friday (one of my usual days off) since we had Tuesday off for the new year. I put off going to the doc’s until Tuesday because I was honestly hoping against hope that whatever this was would just go away— obviously had to realize that wasn’t the case when I decided to see the doc. So then comes the flu diagnosis and the doctor’s note supporting me being out until I feel able to return to work along with it. I send this to my boss and let her know I will need to be out Wednesday and that by Wednesday evening I will let her know if I need to be out Thursday as well.
By 4:00pm Wednesday I am feeling like walking death and just know in my soul I need to stay home through the weekend and just sweat-rest this shit out. After texting with my boss, her attitude suddenly changes— no more emotes, no more exclamation points to add genuine inflection. Just a ‘Ok. We will plan to see you on Friday.’
So now I’m freaking the fuck out about whether or not I should go to work, wondering if I’ve just gone soft and am enabling myself to be a wuss, or if I’m making the right decision by staying home to make sure all this sickness is out of me.
Not that this should be a factor— because I do good work for my own expectations and not to have bargaining chips— but I feel so frustrated because of how much I go out of my way to help. Covering shifts, picking up extra hours, helping with co-worker’s back work as well as clinic projects that need an extra hand. And all that accomplishment and feeling like I may not be such a piece of shit after all goes up in flames from one simple text. Not my boss’s fault, my brain is just cruel to itself.
So, please, honestly......AITA for calling out so much? Have I lost my work ethic? Should I go in tomorrow and just try and avoid everyone until I can clock out and go home?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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yMH4gkL8EfTuAgePE8nElBu6N2DTROOw
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agp8hq
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{
"description": "starting an argument with my father with hearing problems over tv volume",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for starting an argument with my father with hearing problems over TV volume?
|
There is a long complex history here but I will do my best to explain while still not including identifying information. Throw away for obvious reasons.
For my whole life my father has turned the volume up on whatever he is listening to. Not just a little, but to the point you can hear it outside the house sometimes. My mom and I would both tell him he was damaging his hearing and would try to get him to turn it down. (insert: When we were in the house he would turn the volume was low enough that we couldn't hear it two floors away, but still would try to get him to turn it down for his own benefit before failing and camping out on the upper floor) Whenever my mother or I would try to get him to stop he would get mad and scream, he accidently hurt me a few times in anger (shoving me, grabbing me WAY to hard, stuff like that). I'm including this to show that my mother and I really tried to stop this, but failed.
Many years of this has damaged his hearing a lot. He can't hear without things being up ridiculously high. The sad part is that instead of protecting what hearing is left, he compensates with the volume to the point that it's still just as loud to him, but louder to us. In the past when we'd watch TV together he'd turn it down to a level that I could stand (but was still loud) out of respect for me. Now he can't hear it at that level and tries to turn it up even higher. The issue is that the 'even higher' is REALLY loud now. (Another insert, in case anyone suggest it, we've tried to get him to get hearing aids. He refuses.)
Anyway, the fight happened when I was already occupying the TV room and he came down and turned it WAY up. He was already mad at me for asking to turn on the air conditioning (he likes the house to be at about 75 degrees, my mom and I like it a bit cooler), and the TV was louder then usual, so I think it was out of spite. I was honestly sick of his behavior but used to it, so all I said was," can you please turn down the TV?" I will admit that based on previous behavior, I had a feeling that he would get angrier, but I'm worried about letting him do stuff like that because it will damage my hearing too eventually. He kept snapping at me, tensions rose, and at some point I said," You'd think someone who has hearing trouble would want there child to protect there hearing." and he said," You'd think as someone who has hearing trouble my family would be more understanding."
That was basically how it ended. I don't see it as being extremely disrespectful to a parent because he has said many times that he's done raising me. I feel like if that's the case I need to make my own decisions and look out for myself. My mother doesn't side with me, but she didn't do anything when he was accidently hurting me either so I'm not inclined to trust her judgement on this. So what is your view? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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AFiG3iEjkn2a2RCl9IMDIvPiunE8Xo7L
|
9vr24n
|
{
"description": "not wanting to see my old friends anymore",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to see my old friends anymore?
|
For context, I'm a man. I have a few friends whom I've known for a long time. We go back to our college days, and we were really best friends who had such great times.
​
Time has passed, and we are now all married, have jobs, etc. I noticed that whenever I see them, it must always be with their wives present. They say, quite literally, that we will not see each other at all unless it is in this way. I don't know the exact reasons for this arrangement. For what it's worth, I have sometimes told my wife, "\[This party/outing/whatever\] is going to be just the guys," and she seems to understand and let me do my own thing. She also does her own thing sometimes and I'm happy for her.
​
As to my friends, I realized that I don't like their wives very much, nor do I really enjoy my friends' company when they are with their wives. The night turns into keeping the girls entertained and not talking about things that we would talk about if the women weren't present (admittedly, not the most genteel and refined topics). While they claim they would love to have some guys-only time, that has never happened.
​
I've decided that if they say, "It is this or nothing," then I'd rather take the "nothing." But am I the asshole for not understanding whatever marital relationship requirements they have? Would a good friend just adopt to the new arrangement and continue the friendship? Don't get me wrong; I still wish my friends the best, and I hope they are happy, and if ever they come back and say they're available to hang out alone, I would invite them in a heartbeat.
​
Also to clarify, when I say "nothing," I really actually mean that I will put up with the wives to maintain some semblance of a relationship. We currently see each other 1\~2 times a month (my wife accompanies me too when that happens); I'm thinking of letting that dwindle to that many times every three months. Next time they want to hang out, I want to firmly say, "I'd love to, but I would rather it be just the guys tonight. If that isn't possible, please let me know the next time that it IS possible and I'll be there."
​
I feel like I'm morally justified in choosing my friends, and I have no moral obligation to hold on to friends even though they have, as far as I'm concerned, "changed." But I wonder if I'm being immature about the realities of married life and friendship in your not-so-young-anymore life, and inadvertently being the asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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yM7qixdPrjNFj3RBiDNvGTDDptlHudzm
|
almzns
|
{
"description": "getting angry about a friend posting an embarrassing video",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting angry about a friend posting an embarrassing video
|
So for a friend’s birthday, another friend decided to post an embarrassing video on social media as part of a “birthday post”. Said video unfortunately includes me making an ass out of myself. This video has been posted online before as a prank, and I made it clear last time to this friend that I did not find it funny. Now I’m really not a confrontational person and I never get angry; this usually means if I do happen to get upset, some people don’t take me seriously. On the previous occasion, I was really not happy, and thought I made it clear- but friend just thought the whole thing was hilarious. This time, I sent a couple of messages to him making it abundantly clear that I do not want it up online. On the other hand, our friendship is generally pretty jokey (we’ve never had an argument), it’s a celebration (?) for someone else’s birthday- should I just learn to take a joke? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Pc0nmoBnQG71l7FB5NnlD2tXgK3MtUk3
|
aiqxqy
|
{
"description": "taking a parking spot I thought was mine",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For taking a parking spot I thought was mine?
|
I was in a hospital parkade looking for a spot with ten cars ahead of me. I was in a rush as I was approaching the time of my appointment.
I saw a guy walking to his car so I threw the signal on. Person ahead of me did the same. Problem was she was too far ahead to efficiently get in. So she pulls away to let him out and I scoot right in. She was MAD.
Soon as I turn off the car shes at the door screaming her face off. I open the door slightly and mention to her that I had the signal on first and she was past the point of parking without having to reverse.
She put her finger in my face and said I'm an extremely rude person and then stomped off.
So, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
YKisf6M6Nr0bnfx7NdudftSWSOpRw0vi
|
an9xxk
|
{
"description": "not liking my dog",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not liking my dog?
|
I have 2 dogs. One is a very sweet mutt I got from a rescue for daughter 2 years ago. The other is a happy Chihuahua the kids' dad got them one year ago. We are divorced. He told me he was getting a dog for them. I told him I didn't want another dog. Ex assured me it would be at his house only. He got the dog, a puppy. My daughter told me about it when she returned from visiting him one Sunday. She said it was really small and didn't eat. Ex works 12 hour days. I was worried for this dog. We went to his house that night. The puppy was so small. He told me it was about 2 weeks old!! Puppies can not be separated from their moms at that age. Long story short, to save this puppy from death by neglect, I took it home. I hand fed it milk. Got all it's shots, visits, vet care etc. Now it is one year later. Dog is still with us. Ex doesn't want it at his house because I took it. Which is true. The dog has grown on me, to some extent. It's healthy and happy. But so damn yappy, as Chihuahuas are. I have tried so hard to train it to stop yapping at every little damn thing. I hate this breed of dog. My kids are annoyed by it's constant barking. I wouldn't have chosen it for my family. We are stuck with it, but I don't like it. AITA for not liking it?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
UNDjtDCiCQzGZNmToGx1jdm0AmhMeB4I
|
b0qoj4
|
{
"description": "not wanting my parents growing weed in our home",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting my parents growing weed in our home?
|
My mum and her boyfriend have been together for a year, neither of them smoked weed before so it was kinda unexpected but in the past month they've started smoking it. I really hate drugs and alcohol. But im not too fussed when otherd partake, its just not something i ever want to do. I also totally understand why people do smoke/drink, benefits of marijuana, cbd.
But anyway a month ago my mum and her partner I saw buying weed. Don't ask but I just happened across it. My mum said it was going to be a one or two time thing, I didn't mind that much since when she was younger she had done and also it was cute to see these two middle aged people smoking pot. I spoke to her about how I don't like it, but if she wants to smoke it now and then I won't judge. But then fast forward after, almost smoking it every day in our house (I'm 18, working, so her house ofcouse but I live there) which stinks, her and him have decided to buy some seeds wanting to grow it. And I am against this. One it's illegal, and two morally, it kinda fucks me up. And this has been our arguments recently and I don't know if I'm overreacting completely and should just let them do their thing.
(Its not legal where I live to grow it, sell it, but no big deal to smoke a little bit for your own use, privately, since the police will just take it off you and give you a warning)
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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1bTpI3oFGeQmrmiKclQRE8OZfXdWB6lh
|
aivkfb
|
{
"description": "getting upset with my friend for getting high when she was suppose to give me a ride home",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting upset with my friend for getting high when she was suppose to give me a ride home?
|
So my friend (Sarah) and I went out to dinner downtown. During dinner Sarah and I discussed hanging out at Sarah’s friend’s dorm afterwards. I mentioned that I had to leave by 11:20 pm because my parents want me home by midnight and the commute is about 40 minutes. Sarah offered me a ride to the train station because it was -20 degrees Celsius which decreased my commute to 30 minutes. I accepted Sarah’s offer and advised her that we should leave her friend’s dorm by 11:30 pm which she agreed upon. At 11:15 pm Sarah decides to smoke a joint. I ask her multiple times not to as it is not safe to drive high. Sarah assures me that she will be fine. After 5 minutes I notice Sarah’s eyes get red. Infront of Sarah’s friend’s, I said, “You look so baked.” Sarah asks me if I can go home later. I told her in a neutral tone that, “my parents are super strict, they’re not chill like yours.” I didn’t mean to be condescending or rude at all.
At this point it’s 11:25 pm and I’m not sure if Sarah is dropping me off to the train station or if I need to sprint to make it home in time so I start putting on my jacket and head out. Sarah follows me and gives me a ride to the station but during the ride she’s upset that embarrassed her infront of all her friends and that she doesn’t need validation from me. I assure Sarah that I didn’t mean to come across as rude and apologize. Sarah decides to stop the car and continue to scold me. At this point, it’s 11:35 pm and we haven’t reached the train station yet because Sarah has stopped the car which makes me super anxious because I’m about to miss my train and not make it home in time. I start crying so Sarah decides to continue to drive.
We get to the train station at 11:43 pm where I miss my train and don’t get home in time.
AITA for the way I spoke to my friend?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
ggjARp4aYQjDvltha2iUfcuXVl56zhTV
|
b4igqb
|
{
"description": "breaking up on his bday",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for breaking up on his BDay
|
My boyfriend and I have been together >4 years.
Last year he grown apart both physically and emotionally, although I feel I’ve done everything to keep us together.
It all started because I want to get married and he doesn’t, or not with me. He isn’t clear about any discussion we have about the future. And he is pissed because he says in theory I’m right, he just doesn’t want it. We’re both totally financially stable and can afford pretty nice life, but he says he doesn’t feel financially stable to have a family yet.
Over the last months he stopped coming to my place, or asking me how I am, or even kissing me. He’s doing his own thing and he texts, what it feels to me, when he runs out of things to do.
We were together for just a bit Thursday evening, had a late dinner, he slept here and went off to work on Friday morning early.
Friday night he didn’t say anything and I can expect around Saturday after he goes and do some sports with his friends in the morning a phone call to get together in the evening.
I’ve been crying all week because this makes me really sad: I actually have not been with him at all.
In any case, he turns 30 tomorrow. I tried to organize a little party but he pushed back, which made me even more sad because I thought we needed some reasons to celebrate. In any case, the plan is that we go to his moms place, he let me know about this fact in his family group chat. He did not invite me directly, nor spoke about it more than 2 words.
I really think this is the end of our relationship and I am in tears all the time. I so much wanted to marry this man, have children, and so on.
In any case, I’ve come to terms that we need to break up, I need to pick up all my stuff from his house, and I want to do it today.
AITA for doing this on his birthday?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
6es9FDYijkgGm1WQVKkoY2UaZH1ce2im
|
aw5dda
|
{
"description": "not telling my mother I knew that my father would be soon leaving her",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not telling my mother I knew that my father would be soon leaving her?
|
Obligatory apology for mobile formatting. Now time for a little feedback.
Sometime last year I found out that my father would be leaving my mother by complete accident, I was planning to ask my family for a loan to put towards a deposit on a home for my wife and I.
Upon hearing this, my father took me to one side out of earshot of my mother and told me of his plans. He begged me not to tell my mother as she would kick him out upon hearing this. He asked to give him time to find a place to live. I said I would keep it to myself.
He’s not wrong, as soon as he says “I’m leaving” she will want him out the door ASAP and likely wouldn’t care if he had nowhere to go. But that’s beside the point.
I’ve kept my finger on the pulse regarding this, seeing how this has been progressing and I have found out today that he will be leaving her today. He’s told me to deny knowing everything and effectively spare myself from her potentially hating me. I’ve been keeping my wife informed about this through out and she thinks that I should bite the bullet and tell my mother.
I am at a loss for what to do, I feel like an asshole for not telling my mother when I found out but kept saying that it’s not my place to say.
So I’m asking the strangers of the internet, AITA for not telling my mother about my fathers plans? WIBTA if I deny knowledge of knowing?
Cheers.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
MJfHgrDtB4ADX5qP77laIXSk1rGkX11Y
|
a8224y
|
{
"description": "thinking I might have got a guy fired for hitting my car",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA: I think I might have got a guy fired for hitting my car
|
Yesterday, a guy reversed into my car in his work pickup truck. I asked him for his insurance and he showed it to me for a second then pulled out $200 and told me to take it as the damage wasn’t that bad. He told me how he is an immigrant and he has 5 kids and implied to me that he would lose his job if he had “another” claim filed against him. In the heat of the moment, I took the money from him and let him leave, taking a picture of his tag.
Later, upon reflecting on these events, I decided to call the police, as the damage to the bumper would require replacement, which is pretty costly for any car. They sent out an officer who took my info and statement and he was able to look up the vehicle’s owner from the tag. It was registered to “ABC, LLC” (not the real name obviously).
I attempted to contact the driver by calling the company during business hours, this morning, to be berated by the manager there, “Carl”. Carl accused me of trying to scam him because I wanted to speak with the driver instead of the office personnel. After explaining the incident, he quickly changed his tone and apologized, citing “the holidays” as a reason he was so upset with my supposed scamming. He would not give me the company’s insurance info, as he claimed they had to “dig it up”. He then proceeded to forward my info to his insurance company, who contacted me to start the claim process.
After that I was put in touch with a different manager at the ABC company, “Sarah”, who is supposedly more involved on the business side of things. At this point I asked her what would happen to the guy that hit me, repeating a couple times that I hope that he wasn’t going to get in too much trouble for what happened. She was dismissive of question. The third time I asked she stated “I can’t say anything about it but let’s just say this isn’t the first time”. From her tone of voice during this line of questioning and her final response I assume that the guy is getting fired.
The last thing I did was ask to have the driver’s contact info or for them to pass mine along to him so that he could get in touch with me. Sarah told me she doesn’t know if that is allowed but she would check. I didn’t tell anyone except the police that I accepted the money from him. I am hoping that they giving him my number so that I can give him his cash back.
TL;DR - guy hit my car, I initially accepted cash from him, then I called his company, and now I think they fired him.
I feel pretty bad about the guy getting in trouble or fired especially because it’s the holiday season. I pretty much feel like an asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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srRFSYKM6pthE7zCyTrKjQV1hYPhPK4e
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b4av1y
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{
"description": "not telling my ex he has an STD",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not telling my ex he has an STD
|
I won't go through the whole history of the relationship because I don't think it's entirely relevant. My ex and I dated for almost a year and it was kind of a whirlwind. It started out amazing and I was absolutely smitten, but we moved too fast and it quickly came crashing down. He because very emotionally and verbally abusive. He never actually physically hurt me, but he would corner me and block my exit, scream in my face, brandish knives, and make endless threats about how he would injure me if I didn't do what he wanted. It took me a month to get the courage to leave, and a month later, he figured out where I was and started hanging around outside my building, sending letters, making hang up calls at work (I changed my cell number so he didn't have that) and more stuff like that. I tried to go to the police and also tried to get a restraining order but didn't have enough evidence that he was a threat. One day, it all just stopped and I haven't heard from him since.
I just went for a pap and was diagnosed with gonorrhea. I know it's from him because of the timing. I haven't told him because I know even if I use an anonymous service, he will probably know it's me, and he might start up again. I'm scared to open that door again. On the other hand, I know he's probably with someone new, and I would hate for her to have lasting complications because this went undiagnosed and treated. I'm conflicted, but I think I have decided not to inform him. Does this make me an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
ahjdtl
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriend he needs to go see a doctor because he asked me to get blackout drunk so he could have sex with me while I'm passed out",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for telling my boyfriend he needs to go see a doctor because he asked me to get blackout drunk so he could have sex with me while I'm passed out.
|
My boyfriend and I have been together for over 5 years and we get along really well. However, his I've been concerned with his porn habits for a while. I've found porn he's bookmarked on his computer while using it and I've found hundreds of videos of things forced porn, girls being tied up and gangbanged and videos where the girls are drugged up or unconscious. I've confronted him about it and he told me that it was simply a fetish but last week he asked me if I could get blackout drunk so he could have sleep while I'm unconscious.
I was really creeped out, refused and told him I find his habits disturbing and he should go find professional help. We haven't talked very much since, but I'm worried by the fact that he's trying to fulfill his fantasies in real life and that he might try to make me do many of the things that he watches in the videos.
Tl;Dr- Boyfriend wants me to get blackout drunk so he can have sex with me while unconscious. I refused and told him to get help because it's fucked up.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
WgnSPJ86ERsc6WE3PeLO9KLGCglyvnIl
|
aj5l50
|
{
"description": "technically causing friendship issues between my boyfriend and his long-term friend, and not accepting her apology",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for technically causing friendship issues between my boyfriend and his long-term friend, and not accepting her apology?
|
For context, I've had a history of difficulty with female friendships. I'm more relationship-focused and I think I get too attached in friendships, which can cause issues. I genuinely can't tell if I was toxic or the asshole in this situation, because I've been told before that I can be manipulative, overly-attached, and dramatic. Either way, the friendship between us is over, and I'm just trying to sort out the side effects.
​
​
Here's the story:
* Started dating bf 2 years ago
* When visiting bf's hometown, met his friend who he had been friends with since middle school (so, 10 years or so)
* She introduced me to my current passions (tarot and astrology) and we became friends
* Texted with her often, although she's slow to reply and a bit erratic so it wasn't consistent
* I was friends with HER best friend for a bit, who lives in the same town as me. But this friend said that I was trying to force the friendship, so she didn't want to talk to me anymore. She called me creepy and entitled (this makes me think that I'm the asshole in friendships)
* Leaned on her too much during a personal crisis while she was also recovering from weed addiction and dealing with a bipolar diagnosis, she cut me out of her life and said I was toxic
* A few months later, she forgave me and we talked occasionally
* We followed each other on Twitter (both of us have astrology/tarot accounts)
* She came down to visit my bf and I, along with one of their other friends. While she was visiting, I felt a little disconnected. I posted (this is pretty emo and dramatic) "I feel like there's a wall between me and other people" after we all hung out. This is a personal issue and I've been working on genuine connections and doing better with it. But that night I wasn't feeling great
* She kept posting about her best friend on her astrology/tarot account and that brought up bad memories for me. I have no right to tell her who or who not to post about, so I unfollowed her on my astrology/tarot account. I kept following her on my personal account, though
* I noticed she blocked me on Twitter. I tried to text her about it, but she blocked my number as well. The day I noticed, she was texting my boyfriend saying "I just broke up with my boyfriend of 6 years" and clearly needing support. I don't think this was a romantic/sexual advance, they're pretty platonic imo
* My boyfriend does not reply to her texts/calls - he's mad because she was rude to me and caused me anxiety by blocking me for seemingly no reason.
* Months later, she finally replies to me. She tells me that she blocked me out of her life because I have "negative energy" and am toxic (she's really into things like energy, past lives, etc which I'm not as into). She cited my tweet as the evidence of my negative energy, and told me I was manipulative and I don't get to tell her otherwise. Apparently, me becoming interested in astrology/tarot after meeting her was creepy, and me unfollowing her on twitter showed that I disrespected her astrology/tarot knowledge. She also told me she regrets ever meeting me and being friends with me, because I ruined her friendship with my boyfriend, and that I cause him to abandon life-long friends. This made me feel bad because that was never my intention.
* A few weeks after the stuff about the negative energy, she apologizes to me and says her words were uncalled for. She also texted my boyfriend saying "hope we can catch up soon!" I feel bad for her because she might've said those things during a time of poor mental health (dealing with a breakup and mental illness)
* I haven't replied to her apology. I don't want to get involved with her anymore. She has some delusions that I can't get on board with, and I feel like having me in her life will just make it more difficult.
Am I the asshole in this specific situation for bringing drama into their friendship and ending it? Also, am I the asshole for not replying to her apology and preferring that my boyfriend not be friends with her anymore?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
ad03mj
|
{
"description": "being really disappointed that my family is going on a trip over my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being really disappointed that my family is going on a trip over my birthday.
|
So I'm a bit on the younger side so bare with me. My close family is going on a trip over spring break and I don't want to go (they love traveling and I don't really) my birthday is over spring break so they'll be missing it. I told them it's ok because I know they're really looking forward to this but I feel really disappointed inside and it grosses me out. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
w65xD5rMoR6QE2nnHwCvlVb33DMNWEnV
|
b65xu9
|
{
"description": "confronting a coworker about my name",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for confronting a coworker about my name?
|
My legal name is different than what I go by. I really don't care which one people use and I let people know that.
Now I have this co-worker who constantly will call me my legal name, then "correct" herself to my nickname. I have told her probably 4 times now that I do not care, at all, which name she uses. But it's starting to get weird that she keeps correcting herself. I don't really know why I feel that this is weird, but it makes me uncomfortable when she corrects herself like my legal name is "wrong" or something.
WIBTA if I confronted her about this and asked her just to pick one or stop correcting herself as it doesn't matter to me?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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}
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NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
IetIjSH2kgZkX5EUkKXrUP4aRDREyQ5m
|
arqnnn
|
{
"description": "going on my partners dream holiday without her",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for going on my partners dream holiday without her?
|
So my partner has always spoke about going to New York with me on our 25th birthday (from the UK) to which i agreed as i would also love to go. However my best friend since birth has recently secured a job over there for 18 months and wants me to come visit.
Growing up as teenagers me and my friend always spoke about how doing the trip together would be amazing but I always kinda figured we'd never get the chance to go due to life circumstances etc.. Now this opportunity has arisen me another friend have semi arranged a trip to go see him in the summer as we're incredibly proud of him and it would be amazing to share that with them before we start having families and responsibilities.
My girlfriend has flipped out on me because she wanted the first time we both visited the city to be together. I'm kinda torn as i can see why she's upset but I feel like not going would make me resent her. Not seeing my best friend for almost 2 years would kill me and it's the opportunity of a lifetime.
When we spoke about it I told her things don't always work it the way you plan in your head and that when we eventually go together it will be a completely different experience that will still be special to us both.
My friend has been there for me throughout everything in my life and is much family to me as anybody else, my girlfriend wasn't with me during my upbringing and i feel like she doesn't understand that. I feel that not going to see him would be seriously shitty considering everything he's done for me.
​
So if i went.. Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ldosByMaJWBtcuCTKKXcw7MkjWGObaUT
|
as54yq
|
{
"description": "trying to get with someone who I thought was single",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to get with someone who I thought was single?
|
For the past couple of months I've gotten to know this girl through college, we worked on a lot of projects and therefore spent a lot of time together. Through that time I began to have feelings for her but never acted on them as I knew she was already with somebody else. Two weeks ago she texts me and tells me that she and her boyfriend broke up and that was that. Some come last Friday she invites me over to have some drinks with her, we both have a good time just talking about random stuff when things get intense. She admitted that she had feelings for me and never knew I did as well. But right in the middle of everything she stops and says she cant do this. So I ask why, and she says that she cant do this to her boyfriend and that I should go. Keep in mind she told me that they had broken up. Now things are extremely awkward and I wanna know if I did something wrong.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 10,
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OTHER
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{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
FPicgUAOlJWGhsfmIcBgkyYLTR7jQhjE
|
aq4j1s
| null |
AITA While studying in a library, i'm sick so i'm coughing alot. Some 50yo guy sits near me and a while later tells me to move because my coughs are "giving him the shits"
|
I move one table over and start coughing more to really piss him off. Not really that major, just wanted to know. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
uCZ4lV707rpbhZAwzvQw46o2iLljTcne
|
b4likf
|
{
"description": "not visiting a toxic family member after they've had their 3rd mini stroke",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not visiting a toxic family member after they’ve had their 3rd mini stroke?
|
Just a little disclaimer: I never went to the doctor with... let’s call her E. So I don’t know exactly what kinds of strokes she’s had, I just know what she’s told the family. So sorry if I’m using the wrong terminology.
E is the kind of person who decided to give a big toast at my wedding to talk about how she’s a victim, and other garbage not related to the wedding. E is also the kind of person who doesn’t accept medical basic medical advice, like eat some vegetables instead of more lard, take a short walk around the block to get some exercise, etc. the kinds of people who would rather take weird pills they get from people who aren’t doctors to try to “look prettier” (her words) than just follow easy diet instructions from the nutritionist.
So this morning she texts me to let me know she’s very sick again, and had another stroke recently, and that her face is twisted again, and just about how horrible she feels. I have tried so hard to convince her that French fries are not vegetables, taking a short walk around the block is healthy, and that she should try to cook healthier. I even gave her some recipes. But of course she didn’t do that all these years.
So am I the asshole for not wanting to visit her or give her any sympathy? My whole life she’s done nothing but be toxic, hurt me, and not take care of herself despite doctors telling her she needs to. Why is it my responsibility to comfort her for her refusing to take care of herself?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"OTHER": 5,
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
Smdpv1nalfnXSuqgtYFzWgm73IuMEJST
|
ahyqdt
|
{
"description": "wanting my brother to stop rapidly changing the subject without acknowledging what I previously said",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my brother to stop rapidly changing the subject without acknowledging what I previously said?
|
My brother has ADD, so half the time when I try talking to him he doesn’t hear me because he’s too focused on whatever else he’s doing. That’s understandable, because I also have ADD and am guilty of the same thing. BUT, there are other times where he DOES hear me, but will not look me in the eye and rapidly start talking about something unrelated as if he didn’t hear me. He does this at least once (often twice or more) every time we talk.
I kept telling him I’d prefer it if he acknowledged he heard what I said before immediately changing the subject. He keeps saying “your statement didn’t require a response” even though I thought the things I said could be turned into a conversation. Sometimes his interuptions happen right as I’m in between sentences. I’ll ask him if he heard me/was paying attention and he’ll repeat back what I said then tell me he doesn’t believe it garnered a response, then continue changing the subject.
Even if he couldn’t think of a response, I’d still prefer a “gotcha” “ok” type response because otherwise it just seems like he isn’t listening.
AITA for being irritated by this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
UX1uT3dk7en16TY8z0GypLnxsW1hkXzF
|
ba2oab
|
{
"description": "using a lane on the highway (in a car) until I was forced over to another lane by construction",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for using a lane on the highway (in a car) until I was forced over to another lane by construction? (USA)
|
Happened last week while I was on a cross-country trip. I'll do my best to visually describe it.
Picture 3 lanes, and construction is happening in the left lane, but a little ways up ahead, so I'm not even *in* the construction zone yet. However all 3 lanes are moving between very slow and dead stopped. Here in the US they'll put signs that say "Left lane closed 1000ft ahead" and another one at 500ft, and then they'll put traffic cones across the lane at a diagonal angle until it's impossible to use the lane.
I'm in the left lane and we slowly pass the 1000ft sign. Almost everyone in front of me in the left lane starts merging at this point. I notice that the car in front of me is almost merged into the middle lane all the way and that the lane is empty until you get to the traffic cones, which are ~900ft away or so. Now as someone who's lived in large cities the past 15yrs, everyone usually goes all the way to the cones before merging, that's just what happens. So I take the opportunity to do this, and as I'm starting to drive by, a semi-truck suddenly juts out halfway into my lane in an attempt to block me. I stop and then go around him because he kinda had to get back in his lane fully and also there was plenty of room on the shoulder, but I didn't even have to leave the lane at all really.
I continue on my way and am coming up on the cones getting ready to merge when *another* semi-truck pulls out and *completely* cuts me off. So the front of his truck is basically touching the first or second cone and the back of his truck is in the middle lane. I slam the brakes and am very annoyed, but there's nothing I can do so I start pulling into the middle lane behind him. BUT a fucking 3rd semi-truck, who is directly behind the one that just cut me off, also fucking cuts me off and gets within like 2in of the other semi-truck so that I can't merge. Finally, the car behind that last semi-truck lets me in because there's nowhere else to go, and less than a minute later I'm passing both of those semi-trucks because traffic started going more than 10mph.
I've always been a fan of truckers and have done my best to be aware of what they're doing on the road, but what the fuck? I understand if you don't like what I'm doing, but it was legal and there was a huge amount of unused lane that I thought everyone should be using and just merging once they got to the cones, you know like a zipper. What were these guys thinking? "Let's make this guy pass us in a few minutes when traffic opens up instead of right now because....uh....reasons." Are you really stupid enough to risk causing an accident that would be *your* fault because you don't like that I'm about to pass you using a completely open and legal lane? I understand people passing you when you're at a dead stop makes you think "What an asshole" but I feel like these guys were just sticking together as truckers instead of using their brains.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
4YdEorC393K19sDzAMvAIoAavv6AVXmV
|
b40qtm
|
{
"description": "not expecting someone to jaywalk in front of me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not expecting someone to jaywalk in front of me?
|
The scene:
I was riding my bike on a two-lane road at rush hour in front of a school. There’s a row of parked cars at the curb and no painted bike lane, but the road’s wide enough for bikers to easily pass between traffic and the parked cars. It’s a neighborhood that gets heavy commuter bike traffic and there are at least two other bikes close behind me. Because of the school traffic and a red light up ahead, the cars around me aren’t moving, but I’m on my merry way between the parked and not-currently-moving cars.
Then this lady with her two little kids steps out from between two parked cars like ten feet in front of me. I wasn’t going that fast and was able to slam on the brakes and stop in time for her (I could hear the brakes on the bike right behind me screeching too.) Then she stops in the road, as the light changes and traffic starts to move, to yell at me for... stopping in time? About how it’s a school zone and can’t I see people are crossing. I was mad enough to yell back that she wasn’t in a crosswalk, and she was ready to keep haranguing me but I just pedaled on.
I feel like I was in the right here, but she seemed so outraged I’m second-guessing myself. Should I be ready to stop at a second’s notice if I’m near a school, even if I’m not near a crosswalk? Is it wrong for me to be moving when the cars around me aren’t?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
p3JgFFfoSRM1nnugVD1bxh8mafxykL7T
|
b116tz
|
{
"description": "wanting my mom to delete an audio recording she took of me coming out",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my mom to delete an audio recording she took of me coming out?
|
Long time lurker. First time posting. I'll try not to turn this into a wall of text.
I (F19) have been sort of going over in my head whether or not I should tell my mom about the fact that I like girls. She grew up in a very cult like setting where they were pretty much against anything and everything fun because someone did something in the Bible so don't do it or enjoy hell - they were not Christians, they were something way more fanatic so I'm not coming down on Christians. Anyway, she's said several times in the past that she would wonder where she went wrong or feel like a failure of a parent if I "turned out gay." But I knew this wasn't really her talking, but more of that cult talking so I never hated her for saying it.
Anyway, finally decided one afternoon to tell her that a recent outing with a "friend" off Bumble was more than that. I teared up, and became a lot more vulnerable than I usually am. I mean, it's a pretty scary situation. I thought she was going to look at me different. But she keeps texting on her phone and says, "That's fine." She was a bit more nonchalant about how upset I was than I cared for, but later she said she was trying not to make me nervous by looking at me the whole time so whatever.
Anyway, something we like to do is go in each other's social media accounts and post something to throw off our friends. So while she was napping, I came up, unlocked her phone, and was about to go on her Facebook when I decided to check out audio recordings. Sometimes, she'll record us when we're reading a bad book or a bad movie to catch all the jokes we make and how much we laugh. So I click it thinking it's one of those until I skip ahead and hear myself crying and coming out to her not one week ago. I immediately wake her up and ask her why she did this. She says because it was, quote, "a pivotal moment, or whatever."
I ask her to delete it. Telling her I was unusually vulnerable than I've ever been. She takes her phone, locks it with a new code, and refuses for no other reason beyond what was said above, saying I was being ridiculous. So now I don't know if I really am being. My friend says I have a right to be angry and that it's a violation of privacy. But I don't know.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
sBguU3QNi2OeksE5ZlFhtDTKR7nV09Ju
|
aed51m
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my gf for talking to an ex who recently confessed his love for her",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For getting mad at my GF for talking to an ex who recently confessed his love for her?
|
A few months ago, my GF of 1 1/2 years told me that her ex reached out to her and wanted to catch up. I had no problem with it at the time so I just said she could talk to him if she wanted to. My masculinity is not so fragile that my GF can't talk to a dude 1000km away. They chatted on and off since then, mostly casual chats about what was going on in there lives.
Recently her and her family went to Alberta to her Sister's wedding (the dude lives out east. Just thought I'd mention it before it gets asked). In her time there, he struck up the usual chat about life. That they have been having infrequently. This time he decided he needed to tell her how he felt, and that included telling her that he loves her, and trying to convince her to break up with me to date him. She had the brain to tell him no, but they could still be friends, but deep down she got pulled back to when they dated and missed him. She broke and told him that and he tried to bend it to get her to break up with me. She ended up blocking him after he did that.
She didn't tell me for DAYS. She is back home now, and was being moody so I asked what was wrong. She was beating around the bush telling me things like "you don't wanna know what's up, you'll get mad". Naturally it brewed inside me that something bad had happened out west and I had no idea what to expect (did she cheat on me? Did she do something stupid?). I eventually got her to tell me what happened, and when she did I got furious with her. I yelled at her for the first time ever in our relationship (I never yell when I get upset. Never.) and asked questions any dude would when he feels he felt like he was cheated on. "What are we doing here? What am I to you" etc. I honestly feel like the anticipation made my reaction worse than if she just told me, and I pointed that out to her. We are on okay terms but I want to know if what happened makes me an asshole. At the time I considered it a form of cheating, but looking at it now I don't think it is. I still love her and I trust her, but I don't trust other dudes not to be stupid and sometimes it comes off like I don't trust her.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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9zi27h
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{
"description": "not going with my gf to another thanksgiving dinner",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not going with my gf to another thanksgiving dinner?
|
Okay, so she asked me a few days before to go with her to both of her grandmother's dinners, I didn't really wanna go because her grandma she lives with doesn't seem to like me too much, and the other had a bunch of people there (her family) and I don't really feel like I fit in with either of those groups of people but I went for her. She got upset because I wasn't making a bunch of conversation with anyone. It was just pretty awkward for me. When we left the second one I had to go and drop my car off for my grandmother, my gf then mentions to me that we have another one to go to and I was like you guys can go ahead (We had her brother with us) I gotta go and I don't really feel good. She got super upset with my the whole ride back to my car, I told her I'm sorry and stuff but now she's just not messaging me back. AITH?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
9vhp7y
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriend he can't play video games all night",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I told my boyfriend he can’t play video games all night?
|
My boyfriend’s pc is in the bedroom. He doesn’t come to bed with me at night because he’s not tired. Instead he plays video games all night and wakes me up in the middle of the night. I get that he wants to play games but like can’t he play during the day and not wake me up in the middle of the night? Is it too much to ask for him to come to bed with me?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aqakjf
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{
"description": "telling my mom I'm not like her",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my mom I'm not like her?
|
Throwaway for reasons.
Okay, so this happened about eight or nine months ago, but I'm still wondering if I was the asshole, so you guys get to decide.
For context, I come from a family of means. I don't know how much because we didn't really discuss money, but I know that my parents own a multi-million dollar home, and they have no problem dropping money on a dime for a plane ticket anywhere in the world and paying my and my siblings' college tuition without loans, so I can comfortably say they are of above average means.
After college, I had a lot of trouble finding a job. You know the old "All entry level positions in your field need six years of experience and a third kidney" kind of deal. I was able to find some seasonal and part-time work, but I was not having any luck finding a full time permanent job. It wasn't for a lack of trying, either: getting me a job had become a family project. I was hustling with those cover letters and informational interviews, my mother was hustling for connections and networking, and my dad was hustling trying to keep either of us (who both share some unfortunately anxious and neurotic personalities) from spiraling from stress. (To be fair to my mother, she might have been working harder than me on this.) The issue was that there was just too much competition for these nice entry level jobs. I'd get an interview, do my best, and then be passed over because someone with a graduate degree and nine years of experience applied (which actually happened for one of the part time jobs I applied to).
During this time, I was also living with my parents. It was not an ideal situation because we all love each other, but we all have very intense personalities and get stubborn when we argue. It was made worse by the fact that I felt like a leech there, since they'd complain about me not doing things around the house and then complain about how I did the things around the house when I tried and then do it over their way. Especially with cooking, my mother would sometimes complain that I lived at home and didn't do any cooking, and then my parents would do nothing but complain about my cooking when I tried to make them dinner. My parents seesawed between being okay with this arrangement to throwing whatever shortcoming I had in my face when we argued, so we all agreed that the current situation wasn't ideal.
So after something like eight months of inconsistent work, my mother introduced me to a man who worked in the industry I wanted to work in and we hit it off. He offered to put a good word in with any of the places he worked with if I applied. So I looked at the job listings, and there weren't any office jobs available, but there was a front desk job at a homeless shelter available. Since I wanted to work in a humanitarian nonprofit field and my lack of front-facing experience had been a problem, I decided I should give it a shot. Plus, since it was less prestigious than the other positions I'd been aiming for, I thought I'd have a better chance of getting it and getting some coveted permanent full time work.
I showed the listing to my mother as I got ready to bang out a cover letter, and she wasn't happy. She thought it'd be unsafe, which I thought was a fair concern from a mother and I made a note to ask about safety if I got an interview. But, due to her neurotic and anxious personality, she has a way of working herself up, and she kept repeating to me over and over in a ten minute period that she didn't think I should apply for that position, and eventually I snapped at her that I was applying so she should drop it.
And then she said, "Do you know how embarrassing it would be to ask a man I know professionally to help my daughter with a job like that?"
Now disclaimer, I know my mom is an elitist snob. She knows she's an elitist snob. I don't want to hear people bashing her about it because everyone in the family including her is aware of this.
But I lost my temper and I said in a nasty tone, "I am not like you." This was meant to be a way of saying that I wasn't too proud to work in a job not in an office, but I didn't get to finish. She flew into a screaming rage, saying how dare I use that tone with her, and she chased me into my room. I tried hiding in my room and working on my cover letter, and she kept coming in to call me names and scream insults while I tried to ignore her, and eventually picked at me until I yelled at her that I couldn't stand living in the same apartment with her anymore. The next time she stormed in (while my dad was trying to play mediator and talk me down while I cried like an idiot), she slammed a check down for something like thirty thousand dollars and said that now I had the money to leave. Then she yelled some more insulting things and stormed out.
We hashed the argument out in therapy, but my mother never said that her behavior was unacceptable, and I really think it was. But then again, maybe mine was too. My mother felt like the hurt I caused with my tone was equal to or greater than any hurt she caused that night. Anyway, I've since moved out and a got a job that my mother turns her nose at, but it's a job that pays and she's trying to be supportive.
So, folks: was I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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rpoja5UHrd8A6XVjC5j4jcWNfmXprWI5
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ba8tth
| null |
WIBTA if i end a friendship with an obese friend i only hang out with out of pity?
|
So, a little bit of backstory, this person has always been mordibly obese for their age and got bullied for it, which affected their personalith and they became a violent, quite awful, jealous and toxic person.We dont hang out outside of school, but we are pretty good friends in the perimeters of the building.When we were younger they used to come to my house sometimes, but it was rare.
I also want to mention that, just like her, i was not that great at making friends, and we bonded over stuff like Harry Potter, i introduced her to Billie Eilish, stuff like that.
Recently, i started to branch out.I have been going out more, making friends, connections, trying to make hobbies etc.
Everytime i try joking with her she gets really defensive and i feel like we dont have anything else in common besides Harry Potter.She is the actual definition of a Tumblr girl but she doesnt know what tumblr is.She always talks about how she wants to k1ll herself, but not in a serious way like "I've been thinking and recently i think i need to talk to someone about my issues" , she just always, 12 times a day, keeps saying "I want to die haha" and honestly i dont know if she is joking anymore and it stresses me out.Her whole vibe is awful and everytime we interact i feel incredibly exhausted.
I always tried to make her feel good, but i usually make self deprecating or just deprecating jokes in general that she takes really personally, and i think that our friendship isn't what it used to be.
At the same time, she doesnt have anything going for her, i already have a little plan in my mind for my future, i have a strong leader spirit, i wanna have a career in music, but she doesnt really have a clue about anything, and i am concerned for her.She is not that great in school, she is not hardworking, she doesnt have talents, she isn't really that good looking (not because fo her weight, just in general) and she drowns herself in self pity and doesnt try to change anything.
She also kind of idolizes me, maybe because of what i stated previously.She is always really concerned if i'm annoying her or not and the fact that she says that is the thing that annoys me.
Im afraid that if i stop hanging out with her she will drown in her depress1on, maybe even commit su1c1de for real, not have a life, and it's gonna be my fault because i stopped being friends with her.She isnt fun to be around anymore, anytime i talk to her it just makes me feel sad, frustrated and unacomplished, and i dont want that for myself anymore, but at the same time i feel like this may be a selfish decision.
Would i be the asshole if i end this friendship?I really need answers!
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
LX7e07Rx7w5pr4h6G5YkpQCsxEzsB6UV
|
alnzhk
|
{
"description": "telling my sister to waive her parental rights",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I told my sister to waive her parental rights?
|
Some backstory: My sister has three children. She is 31 years old. Her oldest son is turning 10 this year, her middle son is 4, and her daughter is 2. She does not have any form of custody of her children.
My sister has relapsed, again. She is an addict. She smoked weed and cigarettes the entirety of her first pregnancy. Her second, she added cocaine. And, her last, she added heroin. Since her last baby, she has been arrested, sent to rehab, run away from rehab, and has been relapsing. She has not spent more than 500 days total with any of her children.
Her children all call her Momma and dote on her. But, her oldest is about at the age where he's starting to notice his mom only cares about partying. She comes into the kids' lives sporadically, and she can't stay sober, even when they're visiting.
Would I be the asshole if I told her she needs to waive her parental rights unless she can get her shit together? She has already had her custody rights stripped by the court system, as she failed multiple drug tests over the year after her daughter was born. While I know she loves her kids, I just don't think it's fair to her children to have a mom who cares more about getting high than them.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
gwN0DEmlemEOR8NDjfw9yEc54h5KzBGJ
|
b747br
|
{
"description": "not wanting my significant other to take his antidepressants",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA For Not Wanting My Significant Other To Take His Antidepressants?
|
Disclaimer: On mobile, also I know I sound like the asshole but just listen..
So for context, my SO suffers from depression and is prescribed Antidepressants but because of some personal side effects that affected both of us he stopped taking them about 6 months ago.
Lately, his depression has gotten really bad. He's been emotional, unmotivated, has lost interest in everything he used to find enjoyable, is more tired, more hungry, etc. It's been really hard for him and I've been trying to help as much as I can because I also have depression so I understand exactly what he's going through. I'm not on any antidepressants because none have worked for me and I'd rather just deal with my depression since it's what I'm used to but I do think that he should be on some if they work for him and will make him feel better.
However, I don't want him to start taking his antidepressants again because I know he just wants instant relief, which he won't get. The antidepressants take 2-4 weeks to work, and he has a med management appointment scheduled in about 2 weeks where he wants to see about getting prescribed a new antidepressants.
We were talking about this and he wasn't angry or anything, he understood what I was saying and agreed that I was right but he was still upset and I feel bad because I want him to feel better, but I really think he should wait until his med management appointment.. So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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{
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}
|
WRONG
|
lCtkMcWz3wYkTSBR31SHZJG1zHJknlJl
|
9vk9x8
|
{
"description": "be annoying when a friend calls himself a veteran",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA to be annoyed when a friend calls himself a Veteran?
|
My buddy served in the Navy for 6 years. On his first trip out on a boat, they hit rough water and he got horribly seasick. He was too frightened to go back out and was put on desk duty before being medically discharged 5 years later, essentially for getting too out of shape to pass a physical.
He constantly describes himself as a veteran in the same terms as those who saw conflict - so am I the asshole for thinking he’s NOT what people think when they say “veteran”?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
YtuNWBDL6c18KOZC7FM8K935cFlmshJC
|
b76iig
|
{
"description": "going to my sisters softball game with my mom and not my dad",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for going to my sisters softball game with my mom and not my dad?
|
Some context before I tell explain the situation i'm in. My parents are divorced and both get jealous when either me or my sister seem to pick a side with the other parent.
So a couple of days ago my Dad comes home and ask if I would like to attend my sister's softball game. Granted I had not attended one game all season and did not plan to attend any in the future. I told him that I was not really interested in going to the game with him. So fast forward to today, my mom is returning home from a business trip to Asia after 10 days. When she lands at the airport she finds out that my sister is currently playing a game and that she can still make the last quarter of it. My stepdad, who picked her up from the airport, did not want to go to the game so he dropped off my mom at the game. Because my sister has to stay after her game ends and watch the team after her play, my mom could not use my sister as a means to get home. So, my mom calls me and tells me to come to the game and watch the last quarter of it with her so that she has a ride home. Also I forgot to mention that my mom had no cash on her so she could not get into the game without me bringing up cash. So there would have been no point for me to drop off the cash then go home then instantly go back to pick her up after the game.
So my dad finds out that I went to my sisters softball game and calls me tonight cursing me out saying that what I have done is not right. I tried to explain to him the circumstance that led to me attending the game. He did not budge on his opinion of what had happened. Now he is demanding I hang up the keys to my car for the rest of the school year and use a much crappier car that we have instead.
Another fact that might be useful to the story is that my dad is a bit of a drinker. This is not the first time I have received a late night phone call where the likelihood of him being intoxicated came into question. However, usually within the next day or two i'll get another text from him saying that he did not mean most of what he said. I do not hate my dad for the person he is but he is getting in my head. I just really need to know if IATA here. I fully accept what you guys think of the situation and am ready to apologize if that is what needs to be done.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
qQmbXgYrN9wjj2Bwo9ht3ya3V9aGfowl
|
a7wxpm
|
{
"description": "submitting a complaint on Facebook",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA I submitted a complaint on Facebook
|
AITA? Forgive any formatting or other errors, I'm old and it's past my bedtime.
I take a bus home from work. NBD in general except that since summer there's been a security guard company truck parked in the bus stand every day. I've NEVER seen the guard in all this time.
It's getting dark by the time the bus comes and I have to stand IN the street to be sure the bus sees me. I've been irritated; yesterday was the last straw for some reason. Last week I tried emailing the corporate office on thier website. I got no response. So, I sent a Facebook message.
They responded almost immediately and said they'd fix it. I was SO proud to get to the bus stop today and see no truck. Then I finally saw the security guard.
He has to be about 65 and one of his legs twists backwards so walking looks tough.
I am the asshole here, I fear.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
fXYvZf4jgyCT252dGbjnIqEwNpsoZoE1
|
b9wmhj
|
{
"description": "leaving my gf's house to meet her at the dog park without taking a key",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for leaving my gf’s house to meet her at the dog park without taking a key?
|
I’m at my girlfriend’s place. She was out walking the dog. I needed to buy cigarettes. Called her, decided we’ll meet at the park. Once there, she realized I didn’t bring a key and that we’re now locked out of her apartment.
She thinks ITA as I was the last to leave the house. I think she’s the asshole, because who leaves their house without a key?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
C2Lkpkyt71Z3orVMfNIMNBqNEQmXn4aY
|
a5odtz
|
{
"description": "wanting to get rid of a gift",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to get rid of a gift?
|
Basically, it was recently my birthday and my friend shipped me some explicit comics from Japan as a gift. I do appreciate the gift but I'm not comfortable having physical copies of those comics and is extremely paranoid about it especially in terms moving it around since I'm studying abroad right now and eventually need to go back to my country that is highly against explicit content. Am I the asshole for wanting to just throw them away?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
8nlTVb6Vv9B1MnxXifrraybeHwrn2l1a
|
azgcur
|
{
"description": "being a tattletail",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being a tattletail
|
I am a person who tries to follow the rules as best I can, though I am not perfect, but my brothers would not. My brothers would break the rules all the time such as playing their phone in the car. At first my parents would get after them, but then told me to mind my own business. It eventually came to the point where I could not tell on them on anything less I get in trouble. They began to take advantage of this and when I tried to whisper to them to get off they would say mind your own business and even call me a rule nazi. My parents then began to tell me that this is for the relationship with my brothers and I said that what are the point of rules if they are broken all the time. Am I the Asshole
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
JrxpPtJImHcOEZWCEHWyrxNjqTzmEv5J
|
b2yatp
|
{
"description": "telling my friend hes fat",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my friend hes fat?
|
This happened awhile back but Ive been thinking on it lately.
Ive always been obese, even as a kid. But in the past year or 2 I really knuckled down and lost weight. Im still on my journey and not where I want to be due to plenty of ups and down (curse you side effects of medicine) but its a topic that came up in conversation between me and a friend. My friend is also obese. I personally dont think about it at all. I dont care if he's obese if he doesnt care and is happy. Its his body, his life, and Id never treat him differently because of his size.
As we were talking, I said that I finally am starting to be not fat, to which he told me I was never fat. Now, I definitely was. Im 5 ft 6.5 and I was almost 200 pounds when I started. Ive been fat long before we met. So I refuted his claim and said by definition, I was. So he asked me if I thought he was fat. And I said that technically he is. He seemed a little hurt and just said "wow, ouch" and we quickly moved on.
I didnt mean to hurt his feelings, but I can see how I might be an asshole here.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
GHdPnbK2wRzZTVcScV7FbC63kN6kaqIf
|
b5k122
|
{
"description": "thinking my roommate shouldn't have yelled at me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For Thinking My Roommate Shouldn't Have Yelled At Me?
|
I live in a college suite (kind of like an apartment) with 5 others girls, one of them being "J". There are 3 bedrooms and one shared living room. The last couple weeks, I had been bringing my boyfriend over to hang out 2-3 times a week (never to sleep over, just for 2-4 hours), around 6 times total. 3 of these times was a weekend, while the other 3 have been during the weekday. We don't make out on the couch, but we do cuddle and do forehead kisses as we watch tv.
I did not think that this was an outrageous amount of PDA, and the tv wasn't super loud but loud enough to be heard if you're in the living room. J had never communicated to me that she was uncomfortable with my boyfriend being around or me watching TV the whole time she had been living here. We don't have an unfriendly relationship, and I never gave her any indication that I didn't *want* to talk or be friends with her, we just never went past politeness.
Tonight, I was doing homework in the living room when she came in, and sat down and started doing homework or some schoolwork. Like ten minutes after she sat down, my boyfriend had come over and we sat on the couch, talked and I turned on the tv to watch a show. The volume was moderate, but my boyfriend and I were talking at normal volume.
When he went to the bathroom, she yelled "hey, do you have to watch that right now?" I said no, and I turned it off. I was kind of stunned, because she never talks to me, and that she was yelling. She then said "Well, aren't you going to apologize?" So I did, and I told her that I never meant to make her distracted/uncomfortable and that if she ever needed me to just hang out in my room, I understood.
She then yelled at me that "she shouldn't have to always tell me," despite not ever voicing any discomfort before. I apologized again, then I awkwardly sulked back to my room. In my experience a living room isn't a library-quiet space, so I hadn't thought to just watch the tv show on my earbuds, but I wasn't playing the show obnoxiously loud or talking loudly with my boyfriend. We have large desks in our bedrooms, and my roommate and I had always gone to our bedroom for a quiet place to do homework and study.
In hindsight, it was kind of an asshole move to have started watching tv while she was studying, as well as inviting my boyfriend and showing PDA in a shared living space. I totally understand why she was mad. But am I wrong to think she shouldn't have yelled at me? I'm not an unreasonable person, and if she had politely asked for some peace and quiet because she was studying I would've profusely apologized and gave her what she wanted.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
sun7KGXDYSUtL1HU1OMUmbxNCCDYr9Wl
|
b9uslj
|
{
"description": "getting my neighbour a parking fine",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting my neighbour a parking fine?
|
So our new neighbours are taking advantage of our shared driveway. They constantly block it, despite our mutual conversations about idiots who decide to park across it, and subsequently make it impossible for us to get out of the driveway.
As mentioned, we have both discussed how annoying it is when people do this but they keeps doing it as well? I have an elderly grandma who could call me in an emergency and I would have to faff around trying to get them to move their car. Also, it’s very annoying when the driveway is blocked in the morning - I drive to work and have to ask them to move. We always park considerately and whenever we have guests (rarely), we ask them to park in a way that makes it easy for our neighbours to get out. Their guests, which they have at least 3/4 times a week, have no regard for where they park even when there’s masses of space available. We have asked them to move politely on several occasions, but they continue to do the same.
Our council has a system where if someone is parked irresponsibly (e.g. blocking a drive way) we can call to get them a parking fine. So I did this. I know it’s not neighbourly, but it’s getting very annoying. Especially when they, too, get annoyed when others do the same. But, I do feel bad - I do not want them to feel any financial hardship etc. They have a decent income from what I understand, but that £70 could go towards food shopping. Ugh, I know that it seems like a silly situation but I feel very conflicted.
Am I the asshole here?
I apologise that this is not the juiciest of situations here, but I would greatly appreciate your opinions.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 8,
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OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
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|
RIGHT
|
AggWZ6abcxYvCWfBT3XzPtncetXWLwNA
|
b9ip08
|
{
"description": "asking my friend for money back in front of everyone",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for asking my friend for money back in front of everyone?
|
Yesterday I had borrowed two dollars from my friend to buy a snack, and today while hanging out with our friends she got really upset with me because I forgot to bring the money to pay her back. She kept complaining about me to everyone so I snapped and asked her when she was going to pay me back for the $100 she borrowed a few months back when we went on a field trip.
The thing is, even though I hadn't directly said it before, I wasn't really expecting the money back anymore and had let it go.
After that she backed off, but later when we got back home she texted me and got mad over the fact that I brought up money from such a long time ago, and that she'd gladly pay my back but I didn't have to embarrass her in front of everyone.
Am I the asshole for bringing up a previously resolved problem in front of everyone?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 24,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
RIGHT
|
mbOZjCsh005aTFoFy1p7QFi1KXY7fXDG
|
ase9bm
|
{
"description": "\"making my mom wait 45 minutes\" for me after school",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for “making my mom wait 45 minutes” for me after school
|
First time poster but I’ve been looking in this sub for a little while also on mobile so sorry for any spelling mistakes
A little backstory I’m in high school and I get out at 2:40 my mom has work and gets off at 3:00 and she works pretty close to my school so she can get me pretty quickly afterwards around 3:03 so after school that’s usually when I go check if she’s here yet also I’m inside cuz it’s pretty cold. On Monday she stayed home because Sunday was her birthday and she wanted a longer birthday weekend. She didn’t take me to school but I did see her in the morning however I forgot about this right away
So after school comes and I’m just sitting on my phone waiting until 3:03. 3:03 comes around and I go and look outside a wonder to see if I can see my moms car. I can do I walk out of the school and hop in the car. She instantly starts yelling at me claiming she has been there for 45+ minutes . I’m not gonna lie and say I apologized because I didn’t I probably should have but I didn’t. But I did say that I didnt think she was there. She said that I still should have looked because it what a responsible person would have done. I told her that it didn’t make sense for me to check if she was there if I didn’t think she was. She said it does and I should have. I then rebuttals by asking why she didn’t just call and she said that because she was trying to rush to get me she didn’t have time to grab it. That made me so mad that she couldn’t take responsibility and tried to blame it on me. I was also confused cuz if she was rushing how was she waiting for 45 minutes. I asked her this and she ignored me. Then she made a point to get the whole family but me Mc Donald’s but I didnt really care because I had pizza rolls.
So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
OalwovsilDp9XrSHxcrA9sym7ewBBZUG
|
ax3pbd
|
{
"description": "kicking a guy out of my store after his wallet had been stolen",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for kicking a guy out of my store after his wallet had been stolen?
|
I (22M) work the closing shifts at a copy/print shop in downtown Toronto. Among other things, we have copy machines and computer terminals for people to use.
A few nights ago a guy, roughly in his mid fifties, used one of the computers for a few hours, then got off right around closing time, 11pm. He argued with me over his bill for a few minutes before paying up and leaving. I checked a few other customers out while we were talking.
A few minutes after the last customer left, he comes back inside, acting hysterical. He tells me that someone must have taken his wallet off the front desk while he was arguing with me a few moments ago. Immediately I jogged to the front entrance for a look around, then went over to the security computer to see if I could roll back the camera feed. I couldn’t; it was password protected.
I went back over to him and told him that I wasn’t able to open the security feed, and that the thief was probably long gone already. I asked if he could come back tomorrow so that my boss could access the recordings, even offering to come in early so that the three of us could go over it together. He was furious at this, he got loud and demanded to use our front desk phone, or my personal phone, to call the police. He told me, very aggressively, that he wasn’t going anywhere until he’d filed a report and until the police had arrived. He told me that since the theft happened on my watch, I'd be in serious trouble for refusing to help him.
I told him I was tired, that I had a class at 8am in the morning, and that a missing wallet that isn't likely to be recoverable isn't even going to put a dent in the list of priorities the police have. I told him I needed to close up shop and go home, and that I wasn't interested in placing a call and then waiting with him until maybe 2am for them to show up, or in dragging my boss out of bed to come in and do the same thing.
He flipped his lid a second time, stomped toward me, screamed in my face, called me a bunch of names, said that I was responsible for this and that I had no choice in helping him, then he sat down on a chair with his arms crossed and refused to get up to leave. I yelled back at him, told him he had a misguided understanding of the law, that I wasn't responsible for the whereabouts of his wallet and that he wasn't entitled to use our phone or to have me help him and that throwing a tantrum like a four year old wasn't going to get him anything that he wanted. I told him to gtfo and go settle his problems elsewhere. We argued back and forth for a long time, until eventually I started picking up his belongings and putting them outside the front door, then started moving and pushing him towards the door as well. It was nearly 40 minutes past close when I finally got him to leave. We haven't seen him in the store in the past couple days.
Am I the asshole in this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
LtsHJGCjmOVTLXk7i6B19RTNu73zgplW
|
b6inm0
|
{
"description": "not banning a symphatizing member of the alt right",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not banning a symphatizing member of the alt right ?
|
I'm a mod of a small discord server for fans of an internet music reviewer. All we do is talk music.
​
One day a member joins and immediately starts calling out an inactive member (he used to edit for the music reviewer the server is based on) for being a nazi. He links tweets that are VERY borderline islamophobic. I say borderline because he doesnt encourage violence but still shows a strong despise for islam. He starts defending himself, saying he's not a nazi at all, and that he simply dislikes islam and all religions.
​
At this point I don't know what to do. The newcomer literally just comes here to tell us to ban someone. And he does so aggressively, he just pukes out all of his anger onto him, which doesn't help at all. I get pissed off at both and engage a conversation with the so called nazi, to see if he actually wants to debate. But he's too busy replying to the other, so I get ignored. However the other doesn't ignore me at all, he actually calls us out for supporting nazis, but we didn't know about these tweets and I can safely say that we disagree with every tweet. The chat becomes a mess, I insult the newcomer for hunting people online. I get off the chat to think for a second.
​
I DM the admin and we talk this through. We don't see a reason to ban the member. He's never active, and never talked about anything political, never debated or spread hate, so he didn't break any rules. I tell the admin that I want to ban the newcomer for his aggressive behavior, and because I think he's here for no reason, he would probably leave the server if we didn't ban the other person. The admin tells me to wait, since we agree on the latter part. The admin interrupts the chat and things cool down. The newcomer keeps talking in a passive aggressive way, trying to start the fight again, so I say that i'd ban him if he kept talking about that, even if I'd lose my mod role. This server is only for music, I can't stand people that ruins the chat by bringing politics. The admin yields and tell me to go for it. I ban the dude. The other one stays silent.
​
Later, I see a post about it in the subreddit of the music reviewer. They added that the editor in question, after working with the music reviewer, worked with an alt right symphatizer.
​
Every time I encounter someone that has extreme views (in this case, on religion), there're always people that act aggressively or insult them. I'd rather try to engage a conversation to maybe make them change their opinions, or at least to understand why they subscribe to these ideologies. You never know. I know some people that changed.
​
In this case, I didn't discuss with him since he ignored me. I also banned someone that was trying to do the right thing, at least his intention was, his behavior wasn't. We're still arguing with mods if we should ban the alt right dude. I think I acted in the heat of the moment, and I think I fucked up.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
otgymsStfvJlx0toCYrH40vufiMYQqTP
|
b5ubyn
|
{
"description": "feeling like I don't need to apologize",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for feeling like I don't need to apologize?
|
One of my best friends has a new girlfriend of about 6 months. Before I met her, I was told that she had some chronic pain problems. I was unsure about how bad and even asked if walking around a lot (our double date required a lot of walking) was going to be OK. I was told sure, no problem. During the date, I’m being nice, trying to get to know her and all I could really get to know about her is her illness, she doesn’t work or go to school. Now, I also have a chronic illness, it’s in remission but nonetheless, I can relate and am aware that some illnesses are invisible. However, it did put me off a little that as soon as I introduced myself, she went right into talking about her illness. This made me feel a certain way for many reasons, mainly that I was afraid that she might hinder my friend’s goals as well as him taking on a caretaker role. Before he met her, he had plans to start a clothing line and seemed excited about it. Few weeks after the date, just me and my friend are hanging out, and I told him that while she seemed nice, I was concerned about some things, mainly that she didn’t work or go to school and that may interfere with his plans/life. I am admittedly a skeptical person and can be distrusting, and everything I was seeing, and hearing was contradictory, so I did mention that it seemed odd that she was drinking (despite being on many medications) and that she was fine to walk around for a few hours. Another example, I was told their sex life is fine and they have no issues with it, she has no pain during. Then I talked more about how I was concerned that she did not work or go to school and if there were plans for that, even suggesting online school or maybe part time desk work. I also expressed concern about him taking on such a big responsibility of essentially a caretaker and that it may hinder his clothing line goals and other things in his life (for example, he complained he was gaining weight now even though he’s always been big into working out). He was very appreciative and grateful for watching out for him and basically praised me for being a great friend. Flash forward to present, I find out that my friend told his girlfriend what I said, taking it out of context and saying I said she was faking her illness and that I did not believe her – not mentioning anything else I said. He also said he doesn’t need my concern, he’s a grown man. He was also upset that “why would I even question her because sometimes she can’t even walk up the stairs.” Now he’s upset he’s the middle man and thinks me and her need to talk about it. I asked him if he could connect us again so I could explain and apologize. Thinking it over though, I feel like I don’t owe an apology because he shouldn’t have told her those things to cause this rift between us. Also, I didn’t even say the things he says I said, so I wouldn’t even know what I would be apologizing for. AITA? Should I actually apologize?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 7
}
|
RIGHT
|
416IaF7c4wF8NZfHPx8gjUPfpSXLHOWQ
|
axiwzl
|
{
"description": "daring my friend to ask his sister for a blowjob",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for daring my friend to ask his sister for a blowjob?
|
A friend of mine and I have been doing this thing for a few weeks--basically escalating dares. Every few days or so one of us dares the other to do something, and then the next time vice versa. We staked $100 on it, and the first one who caved and refused to go through with it had to pay up.
It's been getting tougher, and finally last week, after he dared me to staple my hand and I did it, I dared him to ask his sister for a blowjob and to be as convincing as possible. I thought he was going to refuse and I would win, but then he said he'd go through with it.
Obviously I had to know he actually did it, so he called me and left the phone on while he went to go ask her. He actually sounded pretty convincing. Obviously she said no. Thought he was joking at first (well technically he was), but when he kept insisting she finally got mad and kicked him out.
I hung up right away and laughed my ass off, but the next day he calls me pissed off saying his sister's furious at him. She won't believe him when he tells her I dared him to do it. He's scared she's going to tell his parents and they'll think he was actually serious.
It's been like three days now and he's still angry. Honestly I don't think he has any right to be mad at me. I didn't *make* him do it. It's not like I twisted his arm or anything. It was a dare that he went through with of his own free will.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 13
}
|
WRONG
|
1KjMgrpwlmkMT6Tv2xVytdZmrEBvNvO3
|
b3mvbv
|
{
"description": "telling my neighbor her roofers left trash all over our property",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my neighbor her roofers left trash all over our property?
|
I live in a townhouse next to a woman who is known to be very particular about her property. When we first moved in, I had a charity come pick up a piece of furniture and they were blocking her driveway. (They had to block either her driveway or my other neighbor’s driveway so they could walk the item down my driveway and onto the truck.) They hadn’t even been there for more than a minute when she came outside, demanding that they move the truck. She said she would be leaving in a couple minutes and I told her that they had one piece of furniture to pick up and would be gone shortly. She immediately got into her car, which forced them to move, and then drove around the block. By the time she returned, they were already gone.
When the neighbor on the other side of her was having some work done, the crew needed to use her lawn to access part of his house. She told them to keep off her property which made their job more difficult.
Ever since then, I’ve warned our contractors about her and that they need to stay off of and away from her property. When we had our roof replaced a couple months ago, I told the salesman about her and he relayed it to the crew. The roofing crew was awesome! There were a couple workers on the ground whose sole job was to collect any debris that had missed the dumpster. They were very neat and I didn’t find any trash in any adjacent neighbors’ yards.
Fast forward to yesterday. My neighbor informed me that she was having her roof replaced and that I should move my car so that nothing falls on it. My husband told me that nothing should fall on it as the crew should be tidy but I moved it anyway. At one point, I noticed that there were shingles and other debris all over our driveway and yard so it’s a good thing I moved my car. There was even debris stuck in our tree, shingles in our yard and on our deck, and they used part of our walkway to house their supplies! I texted my husband and he was furious. He demanded that I tell her about it.
She wasn’t home so I texted her and said, “Could you please have the crew clean up our driveway? There are shingles and other debris all over. Also, they placed materials in our yard and walkway. Thanks!” I included a picture. She texted back, “I will call them. It’s kind of hard to avoid though when you’re having your roof replaced.” I did not respond but I was furious, considering she would have blown a gasket had this happened to her.
So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
KYVEd4ZiKGIZoB2MJrJ1P6nzEmx5Ooqa
|
azkt4l
|
{
"description": "not letting my dad claim my son on his taxes",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting my dad claim my son on his taxes
|
My dad asked if he could claim my baby on his taxes, but I claimed him. My dad and mom are good people and they help me out when I need it.
I already told my mom I am going to give them a decent chunk of my return, and he indicated that he wouldn't give me anything if he claimed my son, though I don't know if he was joking.
I was kind of upset because he never asked my brother if he could claim his kids, and he wouldn't talk to me and called me selfish after.
My husband and I have absolutely no savings, so we needed this return to have money saved for emergencies (ex. we got a flat tire and had to take our son to the e.r. the same day, so all of our money for the week is gone because we have nothing saved).
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
I5IjS1Nw38wRRCNAhbxn6Bj3ireOsQyA
|
as7twc
|
{
"description": "feeling uncomfortable about my gf following this guy in instagram",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for feeling uncomfortable about my gf following this guy in instagram?
|
So sometime ago we were watching her instagram and we found a pic about a guy, everything is ok. Then she said "this gut tried to flirt with me".
By some reason, I feel strange. I do not doubt of her and he doesn't suppose any danger for the relationship, she would never have anything with him even if single. But I don't feel comfortable with the detail she follows and likes pictures of someone who tried to flirt with her (she always likes everyone pictures).
I feel this is silly thing and I'm not going to make an argue about this with her but I wanted to ask AITA for feeling strange about this? This is not killing me but there's a slightly uncomfortable feeling.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
oQUAa1POIuDZPs41FxXmpbmgaMD66Pdk
|
axaci3
|
{
"description": "selling my monitor I let my girlfriends brother use",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for selling my monitor I let my girlfriends brother use
|
I had an extra monitor I wasn’t using and my girlfriend let him use it and while he was at school today I sold it because I needed the extra money should I feel bad or AITA
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
zNT2aeN9tWOsXlQZ9puYW6zzYB7G0AoH
|
alcv8v
| null |
AITA Because Didn't Give an Ex-friend a Chance? (And Ruining Her Friendships Later On?)
|
In the summer about 2 years ago, I went to a summer camp and met an AMAZING person at the time. I'm going to call her Ellie. Ellie and I hit it off, we were like two peas in a pod, really just best friends. I was fascinated with her overall, and loved her, would do anything for her and honestly would take a bullet for her. The only thing was that I was VERY jealous of her sometimes. I trusted her with my life and believed all her stories entirely. Ellie had everything I didn't, money, popularity, boys chasing after her, great grades, a boyfriend and so, so much more. She also didn't have such great things, like suicidal thoughts, anorexia, depression, anxiety, many deaths in her life which she also saw, and had been raped before at the age of 3. I tried to keep her happy and would help her in any way I could, sometimes even sacrificing my own mental health by taking in her burdens and terrifying tales.
​
Another girl joined the summer camp, later on, named 'Jess'. Jess was a polar opposite of me and Ellie, but we still loved her, and became a small group. Nothing much happened, but she was getting slightly suspicious that Ellie wasn't really truthful, which I ignored. (Once again, I ADORED Ellie.)
​
A bit later on, ANOTHER girl joined named...Hailey. She also had anxiety and depression and was suicidal. She joined our group and was about a year older than all of us. She became really suspicious of Ellie and once again, I ignored. Until she started to say some...strange stuff. She would tell us things like she was part of the police force and was kinda super hero, had a long lost twin sister ect. I was only slightly suspicious but was convinced this was true after a few words by Ellie.
​
In the end, our group got a bit...risky? Truth or Dare in the bathrooms, the three kissing each other for dares, which I didn't join in as I wasn't attracted to the same gender. Ellie began getting a crush on Hailey, continuously asking me if I thought she liked her, acting stupid for her, tripping over me so she Hailey would help her-which was VERY obvious.
After a bit I began to see another side of her. I had other friends at summer camp, and she would try to pull me away from them, and when one of my friends told me this, worried and stuff, I almost screamed at her, telling her that Ellie wouldn't do that. I did realize after a bit and felt a bit angry at Ellie. I would start to realize how much she would ignore me when I came to her with MY problems and/or happy moments, and turn it to make about her. I kept this all hushed up though, as I still loved her.
​
Hailey confided in me and told me and Jess that she didn't like Ellie, even though she had told Ellie she did. I felt bad for Ellie, but kept quiet. In the end, she found out, and acted depressed, making me take care of her non-stop, making Ellie my only thought ever, fear and sadness coming to me, being scared that my friend might or might not commit suicide, as she kept saying it.
​
One day, I came into camp and saw Jess, Hailey and a camp official sitting on some benches. I was confused as to why Ellie wasn't here, but sat down with them as the guy told me I was part of this. Turns out Ellie had snitched on us, saying that we had forced her to play the risky Truth or Dare (It was HER idea everytime), had harmed her mental health (She harmed ours!) and more ugly things. I felt hurt and betrayed as I blurted everything out, sobbing, while my friends looked down onto the floor, sad and disappointed. Both Jess and Hailey got into trouble, and when I asked whether Ellie had said anything-ANYTHING extra about me and the guy shook his head I felt like screaming, and crying and just leaving the camp. Which I didn't.
​
The camp ended, and I later found out that everything, anything, about her and who she was was a lie, even her NAME at a point. Everything I had learned from her, everything I knew about her was made up, anything in this post and so, so much more. I felt infuriated. Why would she lie about being anorexic? About being depressed? About being RAPED?
​
She later texted me. (WHEN I I WAS ON VACATION AS WELL!) Exact convo below:
​
Her: Hey
Her: Long time no see
Me: Don't talk to me, thanks
Me: Unless you can find a way to explain yourself and why everything you told me was a lie I'm never going to even consider speaking to you again.
Me: Or, like usual, you can be a coward and not respond to anything
Her: All I can say is that I am sorry and I am a terrible person
Me: Finally, you say something that isn't a lie.
Me: I've got to go
Her: Ok
Her: Bye
Her: Enjoy whatever it is u r doing
Later
Me: I'm back
Me: I just have a question
Me: Why?
​
She left me on read and then blocked me. I then proceeded to talk to a girl who was friends with her and completely butcher her friendship. I just need to know, was I being an asshole throughout this whole thing? (And the end?)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
I5XgtThzpdrS2PcVoP9FGjT8UnnKoBeH
|
b953kn
|
{
"description": "being a \"males rights activist\"",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for being a "males rights activist"
|
In a Facebook chat, I talked about how men shouldnt have to pay full child support if a woman wants the child even if the man doesn't. That is literally the only sociopolitical thing I've ever said in that group chat and all of a sudden I'm "cringey" and a "males rights activist." I then call them white knights because they literally talk about how it's okay for cardi b to rob people. They verbatim said "the drugging is bad but robbing is okay" or they say some alt left extremist totally insane shit like how it's okay for poor people to rob corporations or "eat the rich" shit, which I find infinitely cringier. One of them now nonstop calls me cringey or insecure about my view because I'm now posting it in this sub. I feel like I went against the echo chamber and they didn't like it. AITA or them?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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cIvECnlcqw2zLzvG0LW82dCVxNgGcgh9
|
aidwjc
| null |
AITA – Son’s Girlfriend Didn’t Like Her Christmas Presents?
|
My 18 year old son, a senior in high school, is dating a 19 year old college sophomore for almost a year and a half. They are in love, plan on getting married and are dealing with the differences in their cultures. She is Pakistani/Muslim (supposedly non-practicing) while he is about as White Privileged Male as one can get. We are all having issues adjusting to this new phase of our lives and my son has completely and suddenly distanced himself from his parents, friends, baseball club, work, school, etc. Nothing matters but her opinion and what she wants.
For Christmas this year, her second celebrating it, I asked beginning in October for a list of what they would like. Everything on his list, she purchased. I received nothing from her until the beginning of December and it was just hints of gift sets available at the mall. I loudly and proudly advised that I would be finished shopping before Thanksgiving as is normal for our family.
I overheard her that she had purchased a Pandora bracelet.
So I purchased a Sterling Silver Charm for her bracelet via Amazon and then worked with a parent of the couple they go out with and got them gift cards to an Escape Room in our Downtown plus gift cards to dinner. I prefaced the gift that due to their work/school schedule I couldn’t pick a date for them but now they all have enough to enjoy a great evening out for two couples.
She was/is offended and said that I insulted her by not putting more effort into her gift. That I was rude and inconsiderate. They spent the remainder of the day huddled apart and refusing to partake in the $70 prime rib we had purchased for dinner.
Of course she didn’t say that to my face, she “discussed” it all Christmas Day with my son and then he sent me a text. That she wrote. Describing how horrible I was of a person to ruin her Christmas. That I was a hypocrite because I had complained to them about the lame gifts my MIL gave to me. Yes I complained to them 10 years after she passed and never did I mention it to my own husband.
And the presents were returned to me overnight. The gift cards of course are non-refundable.
I am furious with her and my son for allowing this to happen. I feel that I am owed an apology for her rudeness. And I think she needs to apologize to my son for putting him in this situation where he’s supposed to pick sides.
She is still pouting and pissy about it while I am doing what I normally do. I know that my son is completely whipped by this girl and if/when it goes bad it is going to be very bad.
Am AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
uAfpgBgysG6IWBBwIHbGRrqKpK9Tn7dz
|
av15dp
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my so because I want to have more sexual experience",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
WIBTA if I broke up with my SO because i want to have more sexual experience?
|
Been dating for over 2 years now. I truly love my SO and she is my first girlfriend. Never cheated on her and never will. But the thing is, I think I'm still atracted to other girls. And honestly, sometimes I think I miss being single, going out and having casual sex with different people. It's not that I'm unhappy being in a relationship, I love taking care of her, spending time and talking to her every day. And I really care about her feelings, wouldn't want to hurt her in any way. I've never approached this with her, but lately this thought has become more frequent. WIBTA if I were honest to her about how I'm feeling and that lead to us breaking up?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
d59TKcAMrXRJfJIFtb5GBJDjX1BK1pnP
|
a6ptsy
|
{
"description": "ignoring an old lady who lives next door",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I ignored an old lady who lives next door?
|
Disclaimer: I'm from Russia, English is not my first language, sorry for weird phrasing. TL;DR at the bottom of the post
Me and my bf rent a studio apartment in an apartment building. Our next door neighbor is a really old lady. She barely walks and is practically deaf.
Every other day she comes to our apartment door for whatever help she might need: to open a jar or a bottle, to change a light bulb etc. Sometimes she asks us to buy her something in a grocery store (we never take any money from her even though she tries to pay us back). She is really nice and it's never been a problem really.
The only actual issue I have with her is the way she knocks on our door. We don't have a doorbell, so she takes her keys and knocks violently on our keyhole. Sometimes she comes to us early in the morning on the weekends, and waking up to this clanging is awful. Sometimes she needs something while one of us is in the shower or while we are having sex or whatever, and she doesn't stop knocking until we open the door. She doesn't stop knocking even if we yell asking her to wait for a sec, due to her lack of hearing.
Our landlord told us that she doesn't have any relatives or friends in the city, so she can't call anyone else to help her I guess. I suspect that she might have some sort of a social worker visit her from time to time (her apartment is really clean and her fridge is always full even though she barely walks etc), but I have never seen them. I don't mind helping her but all this knocking drives me insane. We tried asking her to stop knocking so vigorously, but she forgets things and every time it's the same thing.
Sometimes I can't help but think what happens if we stop answering the door at all. She might start going to other people for help, but our other next door neighbor is really shady and weird, other people who live on our floor are also quite old, and I don't think she'll go on other floors. I'm heavily guilt-tripped even thinking about stopping helping her, but sometimes I feel like she's using us for doing even the smallest things and she must know that we can't say no to her
So, would we be assholes if we stopped answering the door for this lady?
TL;DR: Our next door neighbor always comes to us for help, she knocks on the door as if she wants to wake up the Satan himself. WIBTA if I started ignoring her?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
Q9QT2YhM63TCL6eG84FCSqtnCYgqgVdX
|
axbdqg
|
{
"description": "telling my boss to fire my homophobic coworker",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
WIBTA if I tell my boss to fire my homophobic coworker?
|
Throwaway because he knows my account. My boss and I have been close friends for years. I'm gay and he's fine with that. A week ago a new employee was hired and as I got to know him, he began spewing homophobic bullshit about how marriage is between a man and a woman only and no son of his is gonna grow up gay. He doesn't know I'm gay obviously. Would I be an asshole and abusing our relationship if I ask my boss to fire him?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"NOBODY": 1,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
GsbXwQgLZx9LqV5K7pNyKRahhy8g8amD
|
b0uof8
|
{
"description": "not wanting to speak to or even look at my dad",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to speak to or even look at my Dad?
|
Some background: Mom and dad been together about 25 years in a horrible marriage. Dad had been emotionally abusive to her, me and my brother all our lives. About 8 years ago, my mom decided she had enough and refused to take anymore shit from him. Decided to leave once the kids (us) were older. Since I was a kid, my dad tried to drive a wedge between my brother and I (for a long time, it worked, but it's all good now) and even tried to brainwash me against my mom (never worked). He keeps playing the victim, more so, now that literally none of us want anything to do with him.
I'm in uni now and am basically living off of his money, but I never call him. Barely even reply to his texts. Talking to him ruins my day. Am I the asshole for using his money (without any guilt) but keeping my contact at a bare minimum?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
jCPCoG7Q4SA1ikKzsSNwXEQ7xYNImlWX
|
a5e62n
| null |
AITA Gun to your head...
|
So, I used the term "if there was a gun to your head / pointed at you" when trying to get my fiance's 9 year old to choose between whether or not he wanted / liked something. He was very much on the fence and we were both struggling to get a solid answer out of him.
We've been together for 3.5 years and I have taken a very active role in his life, been living with them for almost 3 years now, but my "parenting" has really come under fire recently (as it has for spurts other times as well). I know that it was NOT the best way to handle this. I immediately apologized to her and said that I knew I shouldn't have said it, but it's still upsetting her... A lot.
He did answer our question, and doesn't seem to be even remotely affected by me saying it, but I am still hardcore in the dog house. It doesn't seem like there's anything I can do to make it better, although I am more than willing to.
Am I the asshole, or did I just make a forgivable mistake?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
Go9AIIAIz365H118N1e7qHwatJj1FIZ9
|
9tvbq9
|
{
"description": "basing my work ethic off the way customers treat my crew and I",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for basing my work ethic off the way customers treat my crew and I?
|
I work for a company that provides services for people who need cleaning/restoration services done in their homes (HVAC cleaning, flood remediation, etc.) When I show up to a customers house I always base my work off how the customer treats me and my crew throughout the day. If they’re nice and respect all of us I always make sure that I give them 200% and do the best job I can. But if they are rude and give us a hard time about the way we do things I tend to give out a little less effort into the job. Either way I make sure that I leave the job making sure we did the job to the customers liking, but I just tend to put a little less effort into a job when a customer isn’t respectful. Am I the asshole in the situation, or do they deserve the service they get based on the attitude they give?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
iPOaIq5zJ985E4NScki0GqQ4z7W889YQ
|
abk3j8
|
{
"description": "not dealing with her crap and just ignoring her",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not dealing with her crap and just ignoring her.
|
Sorry in advance, I know this will get long just so I can paint the picture.
Meet Janet, she's 35 with the brains of a 12 year old. Not really but we all agree she's missing screws in her head. About 18 years ago she meet uncle Joe after he returned to Colombia from Europe, and had a crush on him. She lived down the road but would spend most of the time at aunt Rosa's house. So much that no one noticed when she never left. Aunt Rosa was old and sick and she would help her. Eventually they started paying her, plus she's never payed for any living expenses other than her personal stuff. Joe eventually started sleeping with her when he had no one else. Was never a secret that it was just sex but she fell in love. Only she was also sleeping around and got pregnant. Joe was done with her, and after his mom died he moved to my grandpa's house where he could help with the yard and stuff. Janet stayed with some of my cousins at the city house but after years of paying her for her help around the house and the fact that she kept turning jobs down, even said no to getting a paid for education, my uncles were getting sick of it and cut her pay, after all she wasn't doing much after aunt Rosa died. Still insurance, food and board were being covered for both her and her daughter Lily. She started visiting grandpa's house on the weekends and it so happened that aunt Pearl got sick and needed to be cared for. Perfect opportunity for her. She moved in to this house with her daughter and same deal. Everything is covered plus she gets a paycheck.
My family (husband and 3 teens) move back home so we can build our house. We're staying here, we have a whole floor to ourselves. My 12 yo cousin lives here and 2 other little ones are here when school is out. Since we moved in any time we do anything as a family we include all the kids. We know that otherwise they wouldn't have those little experiences like the zoo, parks, movies, pool, etc. especially Lily, I even taught her to swim. We've had to pay for transportation just so we can bring them. As soon as we moved in Janet made me her kids tutor, homework helper because she doesn't know any of it. We're talking 2nd grade. But for everything she calls me. Can you brush ger hair? Can you take her to church? Can you take her to a party? Etc, Etc...At first I didn't have any problem helping. Then it became obvious it wasn't my choice. Lily would get home from school and Janet would tell her go so Jen can help you. She would come upstairs and would sit and stare at me until I would help her. I decided I would help but on my terms, when I was available and I made sure to tell Janet.
Lily has behavior problems, and because Janet doesn't do anything about it it's only getting worse. If she doesn't get her way she starts screaming, horror movie style. Doesn't matter the time of day. Every meal Janet fights with her to eat and it takes her an hour. Cousin Matt was setting the tree with all the kids. The deal was they had to eat their lunch to help. We thought it would help Lily eat her lunch without the usual fight. Instead it turned into a fiasco where she tried to break the tree. It was so bad that Joe was going to dump her in a water tank to cool her off but Janet didn't allow it because she was wearing new clothes. Btw even though Joe is not the dad and does nothing for them Janet got Lily calling him dad which he didn't stopped because he felt bad, but he doesn't care for them. Yeah he's a jerk and I don't see what she sees.
I've had to deal with some of her behavior when we're out and I told Janet she needs to do something about it because I can't be taking her out and have her act like that just because. At the zoo one day we left the platter we got our lunch with in front of her and instead of moving it or asking that we move it she took of running and screaming. At the pool one day same thing because she had to get out. Next time we went to the pool for a family birthday Janet try to tell me not to upset Lily like the time before and I said "Oh the minute she starts acting up I'm calling you so you can pick her up because I'm not ruining our day because of her tantrums." Well Instead of telling her to behave she didn't let her go. Which I was OK with. Fast forward a couple of weeks and we have another pool party. I went to help set up earlier and came home to pick them up. Janet asked me if we were coming back and I said "probably after we're done with the pool so we can change." She had Lily run to get her stuff and got her in the car without saying a word to us. Obviously I'm keeping an eye on her but thought it was kind of weird.
The straw that broke the camel's back happened on Christmas day. We had a lot of people over. The set up here is the living rooms are outside but under the roof, with a wrap around covered porch. Lily decided she was going to rollerblade with my cousin's daughter who was here. I asked them to stick to the back of the house because we had visitors. As soon as they went around Lily decided she wasn't going to do that. My aunt Mary saw her coming and told her to turn around and go back, which she ignored. I looked at her and said "I already told you to stay on the other side. Turn around" which she ignored and kept going. Janet said it was OK because she was on the outer side which I reply with "You're the problem. You don't do anything about it and that's why she's so naughty." Janet said we had to stop being so hard on her, and Lily started crying and said she wasn't going to rollerblade anymore. I said I didn't care and that this behavior would not have been acceptable when grandpa was alive. Which everybody agreed with and started telling anecdotes about the times they got in trouble. Janet and Lily went to their room for a while. All the other kids played and picked everything up. A few hours later Lily came out with the plastic bows the other kids got and started playing with my other cousins kids. But left the bows out on the ground when they were done. My aunt Olive asked them to bring them inside but Janet said it was the younger kids earlier. Aunt Olive told her we had witness her take them out. My cousin Sussy called her kids to bring them in to which Lily said we don't have to because it wasn't us. I got up picked them up and said to Lily right in front of Janet "since you can't put them away you can't play with them anymore. And by the way you're grounded and I don't want to see you upstairs." We have a gaming room setup and Joe actually had grounded her like that after the Christmas tree deal. I came upstairs to bring the bows up and heard crying downstairs. I thought it was Lily, but turns out it was Janet. She went to her room crying, but because no one followed she came back to the family room still crying. When asked what the problem was by a friend she told him that she was sick of us humiliating Lily ALL THE TIME. I didn't hear any at that time and I'm glad.
Normally when I get upset I cool off and then I'm back to normal. I usually try to talk to whoever the problem was with, or just move on. I don't hold on to things. Except until morning when aunt Olive told me that Bob had told her what she said and he was shocked because he's seen us with Lily and it's always like she's another of our kids. My cousin Sussy also told me she also told her we humiliate them too much. I haven't been able to let it go, I keep hearing humiliate and it makes my blood boil. I've decided to cut them off. I know it's hard being on the same house but I'm just going on about my day like I don't see or hear them. I think the fact that I've taken from my kids to give to her kid and she's saying that I humiliate her just broke my heart.
My aunt Mary wants me to let it go, but honestly knowing how Janet plays the victim and that she is saying that I can't. I feel that if I humiliate her so much why does she still stick me with her.
So AITA for not taking her crap anymore?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
xy7lUxrRvFnZx2gWzbUylalftTAfbhzi
|
at21ct
|
{
"description": "thinking my SO eats out too much",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for thinking my SO eats out too much
|
Hi Reddit. I’m on my mobile, this is a throw away, yadda yadda yadda.
Am I (23f) the asshole because I think my boyfriend (25m) should eat healthier? He’s constantly ordering in food, picking up food, going through drive thru’s as well as going to restaurants whenever he wants something to eat. He NEVER eats at home, even when we have food in the fridge/cupboard, he would much rather order food in or go get it.
About a month ago I suggested that we try doing meal prep and exercising as our new year resolution. He seemed to think this was the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever suggested. He said that he doesn’t need to exercise because he isn’t overweight. Which is true. He isn’t in shape, but he also isn’t obese by any means.
I respected his decision and started working out and eating healthy alone. I’ve been going to the gym 5-6 times a week, after I usually come home and make myself something healthy to eat. He always says no when I offer to make him something too (obviously) and orders in something he’d prefer. Lately, however, he’s been asking if I can pick him up something on the way home from the gym. His suggestions are usually fast food which irritates me a lot, because now I have to wait to make something healthy for myself even though I’m hungry. I’ve expressed this to him and he casually laughs and says ‘don’t get me anything then’. Okay fine.
Anyways, today I went to the gym and worked out for about 1 1/2 hours. As I was leaving I stopped at a smoothie bowl place to grab something healthy to enjoy until I headed to work later. My boyfriend was so mad that I didn’t offer to go somewhere ELSE for him as I got “take out” for myself. As a reply I said ‘well you don’t seem to like healthy things lately and I don’t wish to support that habit.’ And he got in his car and left our house.
Help me out, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"OTHER": 8,
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
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