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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
28,July,2002
|
Current Song: Third Try- Sad Eyes Well, I just got done watching Orange County...it's a good movie. I have decided that from now on, I'm letting go. No more useless worrying about everything. Life happens, and I'm sick of trying to mold it into the image I've created in my perfectionistic mind. So there ya go! That's just how it goes! I also want to concentrate more on writing, because for several years, it's the one thing I've been missing. I want to start chasing all the dreams I'd left behind when I got caught up in the hype of trying to be someone that I just wasn't. From now on, I'm going to concentrate on being myself. I just want to go back to being happy all the time...ok, well, how about most of the time, alright? I tell myself that I'm going to do that all the time, but I really mean it now. There's just so much that I've left behind...and I need to go back and pick up where I left off. Get rid of all your conceptions and judgements about me now, because they aren't going to do you any good. Wow...enough of all that...I'm out!
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
27,July,2002
|
Current Song: No Use For A Name- Let Me Down Sheesh...quite a way to start off the day. I didn't sleep at all last night(if you must know, I was having the worst cramps of my life , and I felt like DYING!), and so this morning, being as retarded as I am, I thought 'hey, I can go rollerblading at 7 a.m.! Because, well, you know, that sounds like so much fun! So I left at about 7:30, and got back at 9....and I'm really tired. Sheesh...I'm ridiculously out of shape...and cranky. Not to mention I've already had my overdose of Advil for the day. 'No more than six a day'...bah...I'm too good for their crazy rules and stuff. Alright...I'm going to...possibly sleep...though now I think it's next to impossible...
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
27,July,2002
|
Current Song: The Starting Line- Best of Me Wow...I'm really bored so I want to post something in here.I just dont know what. Humm humm humm...the pointlessness! urlLink North Star! Ok, I'm going to go now...
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
26,July,2002
|
Current Song: Five Iron Frenzy- Every New Day Just got back from the mall. I went jean shopping...which is such a pain for me. I'm really picky about jeans; I have to find brands that fit PERFECT. Like LEI, Express and Lucky Jeans fit me really well. But Lucky Jeans, for the most part, are too expensive for my liking. I like all my jeans to be low-rise bootcut, because I like them to ride low on my waist and hips, and I think flares look so cheesy. Wow...cheesy? I don't think I've used that word in...ever. Even straight leg jeans aren't that bad, cuz you can roll em up and that's always fun...but why flares? I know, I used to love em in like 6th grade, and they're coming back now, but why?!? Say yes to bootcut! O wow...I'm campaigning jeans...I'm a sad story. HeHe. Well, again I need to find something constructive to do. I might go rollerblading tonight once it cools down...of course if you go too late you can't see a thing...ah well...later yall...
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
26,July,2002
|
Current Song: Less Than Jake- Automatic Well, not much is going on lately. I think I'm gonna go to the mall today. Yay! Shopping! And I've got money, so I'm even happier! Well, I wrote this crazy poem last night...so I guess I'll post it or whatever: Im finally content and now I understand My life is becoming so clear Its like Im finally able to see the light On the path once carved in fear. A burden has lifted from my tired back And this feeling is all so great Im learning now I can trust and love Rather than loathe and hate. Ive taken my chances in the game of life Ive bet everything I can And for a moment it seemed that Id lost it all But now Im winning again. Now I stand in the dawn of a brand new day And I watch the sun rise with a smile The light bathes my soul, and uncovers a heart That I havent seen for a while. Yes, a happy poem! Whoo hoo! Alright, I'm gonna go find something constructive to do.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
26,July,2002
|
Current Song: Spike 1000- Suffer Whoo! I love quizzes! Check it, yo: You are a stock Civic Si. You're fun loving and rambunctious, yes you are. You make decisions quickly and execute them even quicker. However, somewhere in the back of your mind you're worrying about mundane, sometimes trivial, things... it's not expected of a person like you, and it's actually kind of refreshing. urlLink which honda are you? | urlLink visit high mileage urlLink See what drug you are. ...and I may add more as I run into them...
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
25,July,2002
|
Current Song: Flogging Molly- Rebels of the Sacred Heart Well, I got sunburned today while I was babysitting..no fun. Right now I want Starbucks, and I wanna go rollerblading later tonight. So yea...today will be kinda fun I suppose. Haha...right. Well, I don't have much else to say...the four hours of Marco Pollo today have tired me out...plus the fact I got 4 hours of sleep last night. Oh, but we played a new rendition of Marco Pollo today...called QMP(Quiet Marco Pollo)...very interesting...haha...
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
25,July,2002
|
I found a cute quiz...I had to put it in: urlLink Which Peanuts Character Are You Quiz Well...that's all for now...
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
24,July,2002
|
Current Song: Five Iron Frenzy- Ugly Day I've got alot of energy again today. It makes me happy. Well, I have a hair appointment in an hour, and then I think I'll work out for a while, then go rollerblading, then work out some more. Mix some chores and reading in there, and that'll be my day. Well, I don't have much to say right now...maybe later though...
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
24,July,2002
|
Current Song: Saves The Day- At Your Funeral Again, work was a breeze today...didn't really do anything. I really want to go rollerblade right now. I've decided that I am going to go on a diet. I don't know what type of diet yet. But one that works. And it's not that I'm overweight and need to lose the pounds(I'm actually a bit underweight), but I want to get in shape and tone up and stuff. I've decided that I'm going to really stick with this, and it won't just be a two week thing. Hey, maybe I'll join Becka's gym! That'd be fun. And I'll start using my crazy ab roller, and I'll rollerblade a bunch n run a whole lot, and even work on those kickboxing routines. Ahh, the planning...doubtful any of it will ever come to pass...
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
23,July,2002
|
Current Song: A New Found Glory- Understatement I wanted to post some of my poems...because I can. So here they are; enjoy! This isnt how its supposed to be You shouldnt be on my mind Im supposed to be thinking of someone else But still youre all I find. Your memory shouldnt make me smile I shouldnt see your face Im not supposed to hear your voice But its all so hard to erase. This isnt right to reminisce Of how things used to be Getting over you is a winning battle But Im losing, cant you see? This isnt how its supposed to be Your thoughts should be a bore Youve been gone so long, and this isnt right I shouldnt love you anymore. Shes all alone and the worlds asleep You cant imagine what its like to keep All those feelings shes stored inside her heart And even in her dreams, they never part. Shes wrapped up in a world of lies With angry words and hurtful goodbyes And she wonders if people will ever know About the heart shes afraid to show. Through all the pain shell never admit That yet again, her heart has been hit That heart that once drowned in warmth and gold Day by day, turns dark and cold. And on this night she stops to think Of how she allowed herself to sink Her heart is clouded with the falling snow Casting out the sunshine shell never know. Well, I figure that I shouldn't bore you too much with any more as of now. If you like, or dislike, let me know, ok? I'll possibly post more later, depending on the response.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
22,July,2002
|
...Today while I was babysitting, the little girl decided she wanted to play Playstation. And the first game she puts in is that crazy Tony Hawk game. And I was like '...she's taunting me...I know it!'... Current Song: Jimmy Eat World- Sweetness Well, not much going on right now. I'm really kinda bored, and I'm feeling very energetic and athletic...a strange thing for the same person who has sat around all summer. I will just have to get out and do something today then! Not much else is really going on lately...I'm dreading school starting back up. That is definately no fun. But I get to see everyone, so I guess it isn't so bad. I like how it's seemingly human nature to be a hypocrite. People contradict themselves so much...that it's absolutely hilarious. Well, that's about all I have to say...
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
22,July,2002
|
Current Song: Ozma- If I Only Had A Heart Just got back from my lessons a little while ago...and I'm quite bored. I really want to do something today...but I have no idea what to do! I should probably read, because I have sooo much freaking summer reading crap to finish...ah well. We shall see. Anyways...I'll go now...and...do something constructive...
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
21,July,2002
|
Current Song: Eminem- Haley's Song Well...today me, Sara, Becka, Rae, Kevin, Wayman and Clint played basketball. Yes, 'Air Zajac' right here...lol. Anyways, not much else has gone on...I have lessons tomorrow..whoo hoo. Well...this is fun. I'm confused. Very confused. About lots of stuff...but it's not that bad of a thing...I suppose my confusion will help me clear things up...so yay then! I'm confused! Mmk, so I really have nothing important to say...
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
20,July,2002
|
HTML Isn't So Hard After All! Current Song: No Use For A Name- Room 19 Yea, I'm finally starting to get the hang of all this HTML crap...it's really cool! Hehe...well, that's all I really had to say..but isn't that imood thing cool? LoL. Mmk..I'll get going now...
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
20,July,2002
|
Brad is the sexiest man alive, and I would give anything to have him fuck me good! ...That is all.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
20,July,2002
|
Ah, well, I thought I would have alot to say, but evidentally I don't anymore. Every time I sign in, I swear, it's like a curse! My mind just goes completely blank. Almost like a stage-fright sort of thing...only not. So much has been running through my mind all day and I'm like 'Oh..I'll write about that in my blog.' But of course...what do I do? I forget everything that i was previously thinking about. Blogger, you cursed beast you! Heh, anyways...I have the urge to go shopping, but I'm really trying to save up my money...not blow it all. Right, because I could really do that! It's doubtful. You know...sometimes I wish I was a more personable person. I'm gonna work on that though...something to accomplish before school starts. Speaking of which...may I remind you all we only have two more weeks. Yes. It's very depressing. Another thought: I've realized over the past several years that I seem to have a good understand for most people. I can relate, and sort of see peoples' opinions. I suppose that's a good thing...but it makes it hard for me to debate alot of subject matter, because I can see both sides of the argument, and I'm not always sure where I stand. Bringing me to another point: I wish I could be more firm and decisive in my opinions. I'm a very opinionated person, unfortunately, I often represent contradicting opinions. Does that make me fake or something, or understanding, or just plain confused? Well, I think I will call it a night pretty soon...I woke up too early this morning...Farewell for now!
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
20,July,2002
|
There's one thing that absolutely drives me crazy. It's when people tell me I can't do something, and that I'll never be able to do something, or that I'm not good enough or smart enough or strong enough or daring enough...or anything else. People make stupid judgements about me, and they're just joking around, but it really pisses me off. I mean, if I want to accomplish something, I will. But when people start telling me that there's no way...then I start doing it for the wrong reasons. But it really PISSES ME OFF when people do that. They thinks it's sooo damn funny that they're making fun of me based on judgements that they can't back or confirm. But my first instinct is to prove them wrong. So if anyone can figure out what I'm talking about...watch your damn backs, because I'm gonna prove you wrong, and shove it up your judgemental little asses! Thank you, and have a nice day. :-)
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
18,July,2002
|
I just got done watching Legally Blonde...I like that movie. And as crazy as this is going to sound, I can relate really well to Elle's character. I mean, she's trying to prove to people that she can be a different person, and that she's not who she comes off to be, and she ends up proving it to herself more than anyone, and not really caring about what everyone else thinks. I mean, I try to prove that I'm a certain person, or that I act, or dont act, a certain way. And then I realized that it doesn't really matter what people think, and that I'm not gonna quit and go back to the same old person...and that what really matters is that I can prove who I am to myself. So therefore, I can be someone different, but not to make a point to anyone. The only person I have to prove anything to is myself.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
16,July,2002
|
You know, I've had this Spinner Radio thing on my computer since we got it (2 years ago), and I haven't used it in well over a year, but I was just using it, and I remembered that it's really cool. I suggest you people download it...it's awesome. Except when there's net congestion, because then it's all messed up and crazy and stuff. Ughh, I hate this! I always have so much to put in here, but once I get around to it, I don't remember a thing I had to say. Well crap...
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
16,July,2002
|
Ahh! I'm quiz crazy! Here's yet another one...if you people get as bored as I do...these really come in handy. But I promise...this is the last one... Contrary to popular belief, not much sleeping is done in here. *wink* urlLink If you were a room in a house, what room would you be? Haha...I like it ;-)...
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
15,July,2002
|
Sheesh...yet another quiz that I couldn't resist taking...I think more people will like this one too: urlLink See Which Member Of Weezer You Are urlLink Here ! Well...enjoy!...and so on...
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
15,July,2002
|
Haha...this was so cute...I had to put it in here: urlLink urlLink Which character from Lilo & Stitch are you? By the way...it's a cute movie...you people should go see it!
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
15,July,2002
|
Well...my counter was screwing up everything...so I took it out....bye bye counter thingy:-(...ahh well...adios...
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
15,July,2002
|
Wow...I like the new crazy counter thing...it's very exciting. haha. I'm such a strange child...so, check it out at the bottom of the page...if you're that bored...like me. But it's weird, it doesn't count page views...it counts visitors. So if you view it 200 times in the 30 minutes...it's still one visitor. Crazy, huh? Hmm...well, as most of you know, I've been very bored for the past several weeks...and so I've checked out alot of websites...so I think I'll take some time to list a few of my favorites. Check these out: urlLink No Use For A Name! urlLink Good Ol' Bored.com...gotta love it urlLink Free Arcade...Play Bounce Out...it's addictive urlLink Surfing Girl.com...this is pretty cool urlLink Gotta love the crazy Irish;-) urlLink Handsome Devil..check it out Well...that's about all I've gotta say...have a blast...n so on...
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
15,July,2002
|
Don't put your trust in people too quickly...cuz so few of them are actually trustworthy. Kids, believe me on that one. But seriously, it really bugs me when people have to talk behind your back...it's just about the lowest, most immature thing they could do. If people have a problem with me, I'd appreciate it if they came to me about it. A swift kick in the ass would most certainly straighten them out.:-) Anywho..some crazy people kept calling my cell yesterday. It was slighty amusing for a while...then it was just retarded. Well, I'm gonna get going now. Have fun everyone.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
15,July,2002
|
You know...I realized recently how funny it is that people can deprive themselves of sleep, and then find other alternatives to make up for their loss of energy...anything from power bars, to energy drinks, to energy pills to coffee...People just thrive upon finding ways to escape sleep...for whatever reason. Example: The other night, I fell asleep at, oh, 3 or 4 a.m., knowing perfectly well that I had to wake up early the next morning. So, at 7, I wake up feeling very tired, but not to a dramatic extent or anything. I go to an eye appointment at 8:15 that lasts about 20 to 30 minutes. On the way home, I pick up a Caramel Frappucino with a power pack(I figured I'd need an extra pick-me-up for the day). I go to work at 10, tire myself out for 4 hours, and head home at 2. I get home, take a shower, and then call a friend about going to the mall. We leave for the mall about 4, and get back at around 7 or 7:30. Then we decide to go to Starbucks(I'm quite exhausted, and I need another pick-me-up to get through the night-- might I add...we walked ). I get an Iced Latte(mmm...), and we head back home. We get back at 8 or 8:30, and then decide to go to the park. By 10, I have no idea why, but I'm skipping and singing around the volleyball court(that really wasnt important, but I figured I'd throw it in anyway). Ok, THAT'S a night. I go home and stay up till all hours of the morning...or until I'm tired enough to actually sleep. The point? People starve themselves of sleep, and then find any other alternative to make up for it. Shame on you all...
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
14,July,2002
|
Well, I am posting again. I haven't been doing much lately...in fact, over the past few hours I was doing what most people would refer to as...well...'nothing'. But that's ok, cuz doing 'nothing' doesn't really bother me too much. Anyways, I was reading a bunch of random blogs and some of them were...hilarious! There were several that were even more pointless than mine...it made me feel alot better. So...if this doesn't satisfy your need to keep occupied...try reading my other blog: urlLink It's All So Meaningless... Well, that's all I have to say for now...have a good evening...party and be crazy...but don't forget to invite me first..;-)
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
14,July,2002
|
Ok, sorry I'm posting again after a few minutes...but I had to put in this crazy link again..this quiz is great...I suggest you all take it. Here's my results and a link to it: urlLink take the emo quiz . And THAT'S what I have to say about THAT.:-)
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
14,July,2002
|
Hmm...I figured that I needed a new blog...the last one was WAY too boring...and so negative...it made me sad. So this is now the product of my boredom. Well...I'll be out! Have a blast!
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
31,August,2002
|
Suffering is clinging in an impermanent world. All things change and clinging always fails. One of The Four Noble Truths of the Buddhist religion. It has an absolutely amazing point, and it's so accurate too. We suffer because we desire things we can't have, or things that won't last forever. Nothing on Earth is permanent, and we rely to much on that. I mean, haven't we all made ourselves miserable desiring something? I do that all the time, and it ends up tearing me apart. I desire something so badly, so completely, but the truth is, what I want isn't always what I need. It made me sad to realize that I can't have what I want in alot of situations, because I'm a stubborn person and I always have to have whatever I want. Having to let go of dreams and goals because they aren't plausible isn't an easy thing to do, but I think our society is too blinded in the sense that we think if we try hard enough we can have whatever we want. And that's not true. You end up trying so hard that you make yourself miserable, and therefore you suffer horribly because of selfish, shallow desires. I'm not discouraging trying to reach for your dreams, but make sure your dreams are within reach. Sometimes what you want seems so close to your grasp, but when you look at it from another perspective you realize it's soo far away. I guess life is just about moving on, and not clinging to something...because it'll destroy you. I personally believe that in return for stopping chasing the things you want, you might end up getting something you really need. And then you'll wonder why you wasted your time in the first place. Everything has it's way of working out in the end...or so I tell myself.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
28,August,2002
|
Life is an interlude of trivial mistakes and coincidental fortunes. Is that not so true?
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
28,August,2002
|
Current Song: None Not everything in life is a winning battle. Sometimes the things that seem so important aren't really what you make them out to be. Meh. I guess that's life. But if life is so full of disappointments, then where does it become worth while? Eh...oh well. On another note, I went to see North Star last night at the door. Awesome job y'all, you kicked major ass.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
28,August,2002
|
Current Song: The Starting Line- Leaving Well...what is there to say? Life is life, and blah. Ehh...I've been bored lately. School, band, homework, school, band, homework, school, band, homework....yea, you know what's missing in there? A LIFE! This is how it SHOULD be: party, party, sleep, eat, eat, eat, party, party, be crazy, party, party, eat, sleep, party, orgy, orgy, party, sleep, sleep with random people...hahaha...you get it, right? I'm...kidding about the sex stuff of course. But the partying is always fun! And eating...and occasionally sleep. Ok, this is so pointless it makes me wanna cry. So I'm gonna go do homework(how did u guess...) and then find other ways of wasting my time. Au revoir.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
25,August,2002
|
Current Song: Something Corporate- I Want To Save You I feel like that girl in all the songs. The one that's wasting her life away, the one who feels lost and hopeless, the one who doesn't know where she's heading. You know...that girl that everyone watches through the glass walls...the one who's so oblivious to everything around her. I feel like the girl who has such high hopes, but she's living in the real world, where she's sitting at the bottom. The one that probably could do something better with her life if she wasn't so lost in her own misery all the time.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
24,August,2002
|
Current Song: Reel Big Fish- Sell Out I'm really bored...and for some reason I feel like changing the title of my blog. Hmm..maybe I will, maybe I won't. Anyways...I'm really bored right now, and I have nothing to do. Oh, by the way...a reminder: Check out urlLink North Star August 30th at The Door, Ft Worth! And if you dont go then I'll burn down your house! So anyways...I'm still really bored. Well, I'm gonna go get some Advil and pass out in my room...I'll see yall when I wake up.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
24,August,2002
|
Current Song: Rascal Flatts- These Days My, I think I am officially in love....................................................with that song. It's so great. I love it so much. I just keep listening to it. I think metaphorically, I can relate to it very well. I was listening to the radio last night before bed, and the second it came on I stopped everything n started listening and I was like 'Oh my gosh...I love this song!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' Haha...kinda crazy... '...yeah life throws you curves...but you learned to swerve...me I swung and I missed and the next thing you know I'm reminiscing...dreaming old dreams, wishing old wishes...like you would be back again...........I wake up and tear drops that fall down like rain...I put on that old song we danced to and then...I head off to my job, guess not much has changed...punch the clock, head for home, check the phone, just in case...go to bed, dream of you....that's what I'm doing these days...' What a pretty song!
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
23,August,2002
|
Current Song: Less Than Jake- Nervous In The Alley Well, I got ungrounded after Wednesday...aren't I amazing? Indeed. Anyways...I went to the carnival today...it wasn't all too bad. So then...not much else to say. Besides the fact that I have a contradictory mind. I think one thing, and at the same time think the exact opposite. My, how I confuse myself. Ok, well, I'm gonna go now and find something a bit more constructive to do. Au revoir.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
21,August,2002
|
Current Song: Nada Well, I'm grounded through Friday, and I can't get on AIM today or tomorrow. Bleh. Oh well, I almost got grounded this weekend, but I weaved my way out of it...so it's really not that bad. Ah, the joys of being an awesome debater with your parents...and an awesome suck-up. Actually, no, minus the suck up part. I suck at that. That's why I got grounded in the first place, because I wasn't sucking up, and I was speaking my mind a little more than I should have. I eventually told my parents that it was alllllll my fault, but I don't believe it. Meh. Being a stubborn person really SUCKS. But this time I took people's advice, and I stopped arguing and just let them have a victory for once. I think I have way way way too much pride for my own good. Oh well...I don't have a problem with it. You know, that right there is a major character problem, and a definite older-sibling trait. Gah, sometimes being the oldest really sucks. And sometimes it doesn't, in the cases where you can be as bossy n bitchy as you please. Well, if you have the heart to save me from my insanity, please call me. Thanks a ton.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
19,August,2002
|
Current Song: None Sometimes I feel so dumb. My life starts spinning out of control, and I let it. Because the truth is, I don't care. It's like I almost want it to. Everything is going to hell, and I'm just along for the ride. I guess I'm just really stupid like that. And even when I can admit it, like now, I won't do anything. Then again, my life isn't all that bad right now. But I'm letting everyone down, and that's kinda pissing me off. But I don't even care to try to meet their standards. Meh...I'll learn a lesson from pissing everyone off...and I think that's what I need. Eh. What the hell am I talking about? Wow...ok...bye...
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
18,August,2002
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Current Song: Dashboard Confessional- The Best Deceptions You know what I don't get...is why people find George Orwell's works so boring. Dude, the man is ingenious. I love all of his writing...it's great. At least I think so. The rest of you are just crazy. Anyways...I'm still pretty insanely bored. I guess I should be reading for english, but, ya know what? I don't feel like it. I'll finish up the first section of that crazy book before I go to bed tonight. Well, I'm outta here...au revoir!
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
17,August,2002
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Current Song: The Vandals- The New You Stupid archives...they make me want to shoot them. Anyways...I'm really bored. Wow...what's new? So...I'm gonna go do something now...
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
17,August,2002
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Current Song: None Ok, I had the craziest dream last night. What's really odd about it is that I can't translate it metaphorically, which in itself has to have some importance. Now, on to my dream. I was sitting at a friend's house, and we were just kinda sitting around(I think I'd stayed the night over there, and we were just lounging around), and at first we were doing homework(for some odd reason), and then we were watching TV. And the news was on, and it was about the Pope. This is where I concluded that there was a religious war. The Pope himself couldn't even go out in public without masses of people attempting to kill him. Neighbors were fighting neighbors. The streets were mass chaos. People had become barbaric. Then all of a sudden people started firing on the house I was at. They had more than guns, they had some pretty crazy weapons. I remember hearing my friend shout that it was a 'group of evangelists,' and when I somehow caught sight of them, I realized that I knew most of them; one, in fact, was my own father. Then as I looked outside at the street, I saw people running everywhere, frantically; everyone was just in this huge, chaotic state. And I realized that our society, and our civilization, was destroying itself. That evidentally people hadn't learned from the past, and I knew that everyone would eventually destroy everyone else. All civilizations come to their end, and I realized that that was the end of ours. Yea, pretty depressing. Pretty strange, actually. I don't really know anyone else that dreams about religious wars and the ending of our civilization. Haha...I guess I'm just one strange person.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
17,August,2002
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Current Song: The Starting Line- Up & Go I've been doing some pondering today...am I too optimistic for my own good, or too pessimistic for my own good? Hmm...what I good question. Because the truth is, I don't know. Now I'm gonna go sit in my room for a few hours trying to answer that question, but getting nowhere. Maybe the answer is 'neither' but rather that I think too much for my own sanity. Indeed I believe that I've solved this mystery! And I am tired, so off to bed it is...au revoir.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
16,August,2002
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Current Song: Anti-Flag- Die For Your Government Oh my gosh...I just had this huge post typed up, and then I went to press 'Post and Publish,' and I clicked the 'Blogger' button, so I basically lost EVERYTHING because I am STUPID. Oh well, I'm gonna go get a shower now. Au revoir!
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
16,August,2002
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Current Song: Something Corporate- Punk Rock Princess Again, I haven't posted in days. I just got back from the band picnic thing...and I'm wondering why I went. Something in the air reminded me of youth and happiness and flirtatiousness...and it almost made me sad. I just stood still for a moment and I breathed in everything around me...and it made me miss the way things used to be. Then I was just kinda sad for the rest of the evening. There's something missing in my life, and I wanna find it. And then I watched the sunset, and I thought of love, and I watched everyone around me; so happy to be with someone...and so I stood alone and just watched everyone...and it made me sadder than before. But...not truly sad. I tried to smile, but I just let out a sigh instead. It's not a depressed sad...it's more like knowing that there is so much out there...and realizing how much you want something that you've never had before. Something........you don't even know what, but you want it. You want that happiness. I mean, have you every been so happy that you just sat and smiled...and nothing else mattered but the moment. And you could feel the sunshine on your face, and it was so wonderful...and you noticed every little beautiful thing around you. Personally, I have. Not everyone has, but I'm sure many people can relate. Well, I want to feel like that. Forever. 'I'm a hopeless romantic in a male chauvinist world.'
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
14,August,2002
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Current Song: Something Corporate- Cavanaugh Park Wow...I can't believe I haven't been updating this much! I've just been so busy. It's crazy. Well, I'm really bored right now. What is with people trying to get people against me? They're dumb. First of all, if you're going to tell people about all the horrible stuff that I do, make sure it's true. But...I don't care. People can say what they want. If you want to give me some bad rep, have a blast! Because actually...I find it amusing. LoL. And if you really really hate me, and you want me to back up my rep, hey I'd be glad to help you out! Haha...just kidding. I mean, I know I'm very far from perfect...no one needs to point it out to the world...everyone has their flaws. Big deal. Alright, that's all! Au revoir!
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
11,August,2002
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Current Song: Saves The Day- Freakish Blah. I'm kinda feeling..well...blah. Not in a bad mood at all, but I'm not exactly excited about anything either. 'There's a new wind blowin' like I've never known I'm breathin' deeper than I've ever done And it sure feels good To finally feel the way I do I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you...' Ahh...that song cheers me up. I like songs like that. I feel like re-posting a poem, because it's in my archive now, and not on my main page. So here it is...I like it because it's optimistic, and I like that: Im finally content and now I understand My life is becoming so clear Its like Im finally able to see the light On the path once carved in fear. A burden has lifted from my tired back And this feeling is all so great Im learning now I can trust and love Rather than loathe and hate. Ive taken my chances in the game of life Ive bet everything I can And for a moment it seemed that Id lost it all But now Im winning again. Now I stand in the dawn of a brand new day And I watch the sun rise with a smile The light bathes my soul, and uncovers a heart That I havent seen for a while. And there you go. You know...the greatest feeling in the world is to feel all that is good. Not have to reminisce or think of everything going on...just to be. Just be. Soak up all that is beautiful around you in the most simplistic forms. I have a quote for that, but I can't find it. I'll post it later today. I have chores to do now.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
09,August,2002
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Current Song: Further Seems Forever- The Moon Is Down Well, let's catch up...yesterday I went to the crazy Ford car show...it was pretty cool. And well...we've caught up now! Haha. Anyways, I want to go shopping today. I need to go to Best Buy and pick up some CD's. And I need to find a book store and get a few books too. I think I'm going to edit my settings now, because I want more posts per page. And maybe I should change my Archive settings too...we shall see. Adios!
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
09,August,2002
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Current Song: Finch- What It Is To Burn 'Oh yea! I did a....45!'-Rae Well, today was not so bad. Went rollerblading with Wayman, then Rae came over and we skateboarded in my driveway! I attempted an ollie! Oh yea! The bad news is I can only get about 1/4 inch of air, because I just can NOT get the timing down. And I can like pivot off the back wheels...oh yea...haha. Yea, I'm such a dork. And no, I'm not trying to be some skater or anything, it's just one of those things that if I never do it, I'll regret it some day. And I can't live with regrets! Because they just haunt me...and I don't like it. Anyways, I don't have much else to say...so I'll see you guys tomorrow.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
08,August,2002
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Current Song: NOFX- Stickin' In My Eye Well, I strangely feel like posting again. You know, recently, I've been finding great pleasure in good literature. I really should read more. There are a few books I'd really like to go get, so I might go to the mall this weekend, cuz there are a bunch of CD's I need to pick up too. I'm really starting to have very eclectic tastes in just about everything. I've come to realize that I can be whoever I want, and no one can really say anything about it. Well, I need to go study for that crazy English test tomorrow. I'll catch yall later.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
05,August,2002
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Current Song: Reel Big Fish- Sell Out Well, I haven't posted in a few days. That's no good. I guess I've been so busy with school and marching band that I haven't had time. Ah well, what can ya do. Things have been going pretty good lately, and I'm glad. Has anyone else noticed that the directors r really moving fast this year? I mean, for one, none of the freshmen were ready for their tryout when they did it, and we're learning the show alot faster than last year. The poor freshmen...they're so confused. And then that STUPID guy that is helping out was like 'ok, your line looks absolutely horrible..' And he kept distracting us and confusing the hell out of us all, and he only made things worse! And it's the freshmen that are screwing it up, not anyone else. And so he tells us that we're all wrong, and he's looking at the wrong set, and yet doesn't even realize it after I try explaining it to him...whatever. Isn't he like supposed to be older and wiser? Cuz the guy seems like a freaking dumbass to me. Ah well, that's all my pointless ranting for the day. Haha...don't you like how my ranting is about stupid stuff involving marching band? My...it's so consuming of my time...I spend like my entire autumn without a life. Meh, what can ya do.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
05,August,2002
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Current Song: Jimmy Eat World- The Middle Wow...and I'm one of the first people in the FREAKING STATE OF TEXAS that's back in school. Not fun. But my classes aren't so bad, and I think I'll survive. So yea...I just hope I don't spend another horrid year in Concert 1. Anyways...not much to say about that mess... Why are people never who they seem? It's pretty depressing...and people really are good at letting me down. Maybe because I build them up too much. Maybe it's all in my head. Maybe I stress too much over nothing. Anyone have a solution? I'm open to just about anything. Life is so stressful.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
04,August,2002
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Current Song: Lagwagon- Sleep Yea, believe it or not, last night...I skateboarded! Just ask Rae, she was there! She saw! Mm hmm...yea, it was great. I really enjoyed it. So there! Everyone with their doubts...hah! But seriously, it was so much easier than I thought. I mean, really, everyone acts like it's sooo incredibly hard, and there's not much to it. I guess that's because I can't really do much, but hey, for a first timer, I'd say I was pretty good. But on another note, why can't people just grow up? I'm sick of everyone judging everyone else by how they dress. It's not about outer appearance! People shouldn't make all those crappy judgements like...it seriously makes me want to kick them in the face. Let's grow up a bit people, I swear, not much makes me as mad as this crap. 'Preps' judging 'punks', 'punks' judging 'preps'. Let's drop the labels. I'm sorry, but I have a name. And so does everyone else. Well, that is all!
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
02,August,2002
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Current Song: Less Than Jake- Nervous In The Alley I got my schedule, and it spells out one thing. D-e-a-t-h. World History AP and English Pre-AP 1st semester! And I haven't done any of my reading stuff for English! It's a conspiracy I tell you! Ughh, now I'm really stressed about this. Eh, I'm stressed about alot of things. I think I need to just chillax and stuff. And I think that's just what I'll do. Mmk, I'm gonna go...and read my English stuff!
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
01,August,2002
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Current Song: Goldfinger- January I think that people should be more carefree, and not so uptight. So what if we make mistakes? That's life...and how will you learn anything in life if you never have mistakes to learn off of anyway? I really hate when people try to make my decisions and their like 'dont do that..it's a mistake..' and blah blah blah. If it's going to be a mistake, then I'd like to make it on my own. I'm a hands on person...I want to learn from my own mistakes, not everyone else's. I can accept making mistakes; I mean, what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I can live my own life, and I like that. Mistakes help people to learn, and often, they can make you a better person. And I know that first hand...because I've made mistakes, and I know better for next time. But there are things out there that I haven't done, and if I want to go out and do whatever I feel like, then so be it. I don't want people trying to stop me...if it's a mistake, I'll learn. But that's better than going through life just wondering...and not really knowing. I mean, what if something that I never did wouldn't have been a mistake? What if my only mistake was trying to avoid that 'mistake'? I want to live life first-hand, not have other people live it for me. I think people should live more like that. I mean, I want to see every aspect, be every person, do everything, make EVERY mistake. Because then, I'll know who I really am, and what I really want to do with my life. It's kind of a self discovery thing. If you only take one road, and one path, then who knows what adventure and excitement you missed on all the others. To sum it up: Carpe Diem. Seize the day!
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
01,August,2002
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Current Song: Five Iron Frenzy- A Flowery Song Whoo hoo! No more work! No more babysitting! No more 4 consecutive hours of Marco Pollo!!!! I'm through! Ahh...the joy. Well, I have band tonight...fun fun. Meh, I suppose it isn't that bad to be back. I was really dreading it, but not really anymore. I'm just glad to see everyone! So anyway...I'm going to go get a shower in a little bit, and then be lazy for a few hours. Oh wait! No I'm not! I'm going to read...because I REALLY need to do that. Ok, i'm gonna get going now...adios!
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
29,September,2002
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Current Song: Sugarcult- Pretty Girl I love this song...it rocks. Anyways...I realized I worry alot. Alot. I worry because I'm happy, and odd as that sounds. Once anything good happens to me, I get so worried about losing it. I guess I'm just skeptical that anything good can ever happen to me. I need to learn to let go more. I'm going to work on that.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
28,September,2002
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Current Song: Lagwagon- Sick Hmm...I'm bored. I'm in a good mood. Felt like re-posting this: Im finally content and now I understand My life is becoming so clear Its like Im finally able to see the light On the path once carved in fear. A burden has lifted from my tired back And this feeling is all so great Im learning now I can trust and love Rather than loathe and hate. Ive taken my chances in the game of life Ive bet everything I can And for a moment it seemed that Id lost it all But now Im winning again. Now I stand in the dawn of a brand new day And I watch the sun rise with a smile The light bathes my soul, and uncovers a heart That I havent seen for a while. Well, not a whole lot to say. Adios.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
28,September,2002
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Current Song: The Starting Line- A Goodnight's Sleep Wow...I've been so busy lately, I haven't had time to post much of anything. Yesterday we had a football game against Trinity...and they killed us. But then we went to IHOP, and we were pretty loud. It was funny though. So this morning we had a rehearsal from 9-12...so dumb. I wanted to be sleeping so bad. The crazy trumpet party is tonight...shhh...haha. Well, I'm gonna go. Adios.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
23,September,2002
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Current Song: The Getup Kids- Forgive and Forget I got to get a pretty early shower today. Because my parents are freaks about clean water, so they are putting a water softening/filtering unit inside the house. We have one outside the house, now inside the house, one under the kitchen sink, and a brita filter. Not to mention the stuff in the brita filter goes into a container in the refrigerator, so the water is always nice and cold. FREAKS I TELL YOU! Haha...it's pretty funny how obsessive they are. Ah well...at least I have extremely clean, softened, filtered, cold water. :-P
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
22,September,2002
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Current Song: The Ataris- Bad Case of Broken Heart Stupid headaches. Bleh. I get them way too often. Yeah, so we didn't have practice today, but we had good old sectionals of course. Wednesday we don't have anything....oh wait..no. I have LESSONS! Of course, I get no days off. But that's ok...it's better than being up at the school until like 7 on a Wednesday evening. Because that is always oodles of fun. Anyways though, I'm gonna go study for my French oral tomorrow and that other crazy test we have in that class. Au revoir!
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
22,September,2002
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Current Song: Rufio- Dipshit Well, I'm quite bored right now, so I'll post something in here. Last night kicked ass, North Star was freaking awesome. Haha...most of the other bands sucked though. Like the first band was a bunch of losers who SUCKED ASS....and those crazy baby killers...haha. Oh, and the fact that I was up till about 3 washing that blue hair dye out of my hair...bleh. HeHe. The single life can be fun, I admit, but currently, it's sucking. I don't feel like being single any more. Well...that's about all that is going on with me. I'll see yall laters.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
21,September,2002
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Current Song: Finch- Ender I just woke up a little while ago. It's early for me. But that's ok, I have alot to do this morning, and I need time. Last night at the football game, I looked at the horizon as the sun was almost done setting, and it was picture perfect. There was a very small streak of light painted along the bottom of the horizon, and the sky was a deep, rich blue. It made me realize how little things in life are what make it all worth while. I hadn't noticed anything like that in a long time, because I've been too caught up in the misfortunes of life. But when you just take a minute to look around, you realize the small upsettings in life only make the small, beautiful things that much better.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
18,September,2002
|
Current Song: No Use For A Name- Chasing Rainbows Bleh. Stupid band. It rules my life. But anyways...don't forget to go see my favoritest band ever, urlLink North Star , this Saturday at Dreamworld. Be there, or face deadly consequences. HeHe.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
16,September,2002
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Current Song: None. Ohh, I'm outraged. Freaking pissed. I just found out that my great aunt died. That in itself is horrible, but what makes it worse...she died last Tuesday. We just found out. That's horrible. I'm so freaking mad. Ughh...that's disgusting. You'd think someone would have the decency to make a quick phone call to let us know. That's so...sick. It makes me sick how much someone's pride can ruin their person. Pride is a sick, sick thing.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
14,September,2002
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Current Song: North Star- This Is My Life Hell yea! I Everyone needs to check em out September 21st at Dreamworld! Get directions on their site...and be there, you bastards!
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
12,September,2002
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Don't you people love how all of my entries really say nothing about my life? They're just extremely generalized, and you probably can't get anything out of them. I'm gonna try to avoid doing that from now on.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
12,September,2002
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Current Song: None Yesterday was Homecoming...and we actually WON! Wow...we're 2-0...insane. Where did this team come from? Anyways, I'm really bored right now. So I'm gonna go find something to do. I'll post later when there's actually exciting stuff going on.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
12,September,2002
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Current Song: American Hi-Fi- Hi-Fi Killer No matter how happy I get, I always have this little black cloud hovering over my head. From time to time the rain comes down.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
10,September,2002
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Current Song: Flogging Molly- What's Left Of The Flag Wow...today is a really good day! I'm glad...the past few days have been so hectic. It's always nice to be able to breathe deep. I'm still in alot of confusion, but I'm just going to stop thinking about it, and things will work out in the end. I'm sorta leaning toward a certain way I wish things would end up, but it's the most unlikely option. *Sigh*...I guess that's just life. But sometimes what you think you want isn't all you think it is. Because sometimes what you really really want hasn't been laid in front of you yet. That's not always true, but what can I say. And not everyone will always be pleased with what I want, but it's my life...so if I want something, then I'll go after it. And no one can stop me. Yea, anyways...that dream from several days ago is still stuck in my head. How odd...
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
10,September,2002
|
Current Song: Coldplay- In My Place Have you ever had that feeling...like, your heart is racing, and you're anticipating something really great...but it never comes...and the moment passes, and then your spirits just drop and you just sigh. And you try to act like nothing happens. I hate that feeling. It's the biggest way to be let down. I was just thinking about that...because I've felt like that countless times. And I've learned that wishes won't get you far. Because I've done more wishing then anyone could imagine...and look where am? Everything I've wished for is far from my grasp. Only a miracle could get me satisfaction...and I'm starting to doubt the existence of those too.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
09,September,2002
|
Current Song: None Hmm...I'm tired. I felt like blogging for no apparent reason. Today hasn't been too bad of a day...but for some reason it's all kinda blurred together in one big mess. I made some crazy quote thing a little while ago. It kinda sorta rhymes too. I don't neccessarily feel the way I've described, but I'd be lying to say that I've never felt that way before. And the whole world stands around to watch in my time of need. Not a hand stretched out as I stumble to my bitter defeat. And though I beg and plead and cry, the crowd just stares in silence as I die. Yea...anyways though...I'm so tired...today's been long...even if I can barely remember it. Well, I'm going to bed. Goodnight everyone.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
08,September,2002
|
Current Song: Jack Ingram- One Thing Ahh...I'm in a good mood today :) I Sadly though, I need to get partying out of my head today, because I have good old homework to do...ughh...
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
07,September,2002
|
Current Status: Something Just Suddenly Hit Me! Oh my gosh...I just figured out my dream from a few days ago! It was telling me that I should care less what other people think, and what everyone else's opinion is. Because it's my life, and I need to stop caring about what everyone else thinks! It's repetitively told to me, but now that I'm even telling myself that, it has a stronger effect. Sheesh! Insane. I'd been trying to prove everyone wrong about that, and that what other people think is more important, but maybe I need to be a little more concerned with what I want and what I think. After all...it's my life. Wow...that hit me just instantly a few minutes ago...out of absolutely nowhere. Because in my dream, everyone kept swaying my opinion, and I made a huge mistake...but then I realized 'Oh my gosh...what about what I want? What about my opinion, and how I see things?' And so I went and got back everything I'd lost, and all was well. I hope I still have time to do that.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
06,September,2002
|
Current Song: Saves The Day- Certain Tragedy I got New Found Glory tickets! Haha...suckers!!
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
06,September,2002
|
Current Song: Good Charlotte- Lifestyles Of The Rich And Famous Wow...I only woke up an hour ago. I slept a long time last night. I had a very long dream last night too. It was kind of dumb though. Anyways, I'm really bored. Not exactly in a great mood either. But that's ok. I mean...what can ya do...So yea, I'm really really really bored. I need to find something to do today. If you've got any ideas...hey, give me a call or something. I feel like going to Braum's personally...haha. What's new? Well, I'm out. Have a nice day everyone.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
06,September,2002
|
Current Song: Avril Lavigne- Sk8er Boi Don't you just hate feeling alone? I do. I hate it so much. I mean, just to have that feeling like.......you know what? Screw this. I don't feel like complaining, because it's gotten me nowhere. I don't want anyone's stupid sympathy. All I want is to find contention SOMEWHERE in this messed up life. Current Status of Contention: The Complete And Total Lack Of
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
03,September,2002
|
Current Song: Something Corporate- Hurricane Blah. I am bored. And I haven't posted in a while. Not much has gone on. Had a football game last night. Amazingly, Keller won 20-14 in overtime. Hey, is it possible that we might have a good team this year? I'm not quite sure yet...Well, again, I'm extremely bored. I wanna do something fun tonight. I skipped 1st and 2nd period today to sleep...and because I had a ton of homework due 2nd period that I wasn't even gonna try to do. So I am in party-mode tonight, kids! Oh yea...I had a weird dream last night...it made me puzzled. If you want to know about it, I'd be glad to tell you. It was good, and then there was conflict, but what's odd...there was a resolution. A happy ending...how odd. I think I understand the moral, but it's only causing me more confusion. I think that it's a product of my lonliness. I feel kinda pushed away...not that I blame anyone for pushing me away. I don't deserve to have anyone close to me.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
03,September,2002
|
Current Song: None, I'm Too Pissed To Listen To Anything But My Own Anger I hate everything, I hate everyone. Everyone sucks. No one understands...everyone just jumps every time i make a mistake, and they rub it in my face. I know I'm not perfect. So if one more person tries to make me feel like crap, I'll kick their ass. And I mean it. I don't learn from hatred! No one does you FREAKING IDIOTS! Love truth, but pardon error. So chill. Because I'm close to breaking...and when I hit my breaking point, there's no turning back. That's a warning. Leave me alone, and I'll do the right thing. But if one more person has to be rude to me, I'll do my best to piss everyone off.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
01,September,2002
|
Current Song: Saves The Day- See You I'm clinging fast to something that will never be mine. Contention.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
01,September,2002
|
Suffering is clinging in an impermanent world. All things change and clinging always fails. Life is so horrid. How can you be on top of the world one minute...and in seconds take the fall...and suddenly you're nothing...you take the dive and you crash and burn and nothing seems fair. God, I'm so sorry that I'm so freaking emotional...but pain is something that's not easy to handle. Nothing in life is fair.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
01,September,2002
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Current Song: Lifehouse- Spin I can't take this. My life is an open book and it's driving me crazy. It's like I can't do anything or say anything without the whole world finding out. And then the stories get twisted or even made up and...oh my gosh, it's making me go insane. I having nothing that's my own anymore! It's like my own thoughts belong to the world...and they aren't even my own. Then again, look at me...I'm sitting here publishing my thoughts for the world to read anyway. But I don't sell my life away to the public...so why doesn't everyone mind their own business, and I'll keep more introverted? How's that? Sounds like a plan. It's my life, and from now on I'm running it my way, and I'm keeping it less open-book. I totally admire those people who keep parts of their lives so secluded...I wish I could do that.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
30,October,2002
|
Current Song: No Use For A Name- Life Size Mirror Hey, I took this crazy quiz and I was like 'wow, those questions were pointless...this quiz won't say anything.' But it ended up that it was more accurate than I ever expected. Very...frightening. As much as I hate to admit it...it's quite true. urlLink Which Personality Disorder Do You Have? brought to you by urlLink Quizilla Craziness.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
29,October,2002
|
Current Song: None Humm...I've been reading everyone's blogs lately...and the thing that's different compared to mine is that mine is too sad. Ya know, I need to just get over crap and just let go. Go have some crazy times with some crazy cool kids and just have a blast. So yeah, nothing too exciting has gone on lately. Which sucks...everyone else has so much fun, and I am just so boring. I can't wait until marching season is over. I can't wait until I get a job. I can't wait until I get my liscense. I can't wait until I graduate. So much anticipation...so very much!
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
28,October,2002
|
Current Song: Saliva- Always I'm such a failure as a person. I've concluded that I will never amount to anything ever. I used to be so hopeful but I feel like I've fallen further than I ever thought was possible. And I sit here and I cry, but I don't try to change. Because I don't want to change. I'm not ready to turn around yet. I just have this mindset that someone will rescue me from this hole I've dug myself, and I know it'll never happen. And I cry and I create pain for myself. Every single tear that no one else will ever see kills me. Because no one is there to feel their force but me. And It makes me feel so alone sometimes. Because no one wants to deal with me, and I definately don't blame them. I've turned into something horrible......
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
27,October,2002
|
Current Song: Finch- Stay With Me Wow...I'm lazy. I haven't posted all week. That's horrible. Let's try to sum up this week's happenings. Monday I began to realize how high my stress level has become, so Tuesday I was so tired of everything that I skipped school and band and SLEPT. Of course, the stress returned by Wednesday; I was up alllllll that night doing a frikkin english project. Thursday was a really good day for no reason at all...just enjoyable. Friday was one of those days that was in between really good n fairly bad. It was odd, I sorta felt like the center of attention in alot of situations. I also felt crowded by alot of people; in some ways it was kinda cool, and in other ways it was like 'get the hell away from me!' So then, I hafta tell you about my great experience after the football game(at which Keller actually won, thank you very much). Ok, so Candace drives me home, and when I get there, both of my parent's cars are gone. Which is odd to say the least at 11:00 at night. And only to make things that much stranger, there's a random unlocked car sitting in the far end of my driveway. Ok, another fact: my front door is IMPOSSIBLE for me to unlock. No one else in my family has trouble with it, but I do. So i try for about 5 minutes to get it unlocked, Manda tries for about 10, and Candace tries for about 15, and finally she gets it open. So we go inside and there is no note or anything telling me where my parents are. How cute. So Manda and Candace leave, and I'm trying to figure out what's going...neither of my parents will answer their cell phones, and it's frustrating me....alot. So finally my parents get home quite a while after 11. Here's the situation: the random unlocked car in the driveway is mine, and my parents had to take my mom's car back to pick up my dad's, cuz he drove mine home when he bought it. Then they went out to eat and came home. But hey, I got a car out of the deal. It's a 97 Accord, in good condition. It's auto and a 2.2 liter, but hey...it runs, right? So now, on to Saturday. We had area, and we had a really good performance. But of course, Duncanville, LD Bell, Fossil and Haltom go to state. We got 7th, which really isn't that bad. If you think about it, Area is a contest where most bands typically have their best performances. Yeah, so I feel like going shopping today. I think I just might. Ah well, I'm gonna go now, and get a shower and such. Adios you crazies.
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739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
20,October,2002
|
How To Manipulate A Person 1. To manipulate(finagle, wangle) a person, you have to put yourself in a win, win situation. You have to become invulnerable to anything they can lay out at you. In other words, don't let them have any affect over you. You have to keep complete control, and never let them get the best of you. 2. You have to find out their behavioral patterns. Find out how they react upon certain situations, and how they manipulate others. Figure out what they do to maintain control over other people. For instance, how do they react when angry, and what tactics do they use to get the other party to give in to them? Discover their strategy for power over people. 3. Find their weaknesses and vulnerabilities. This often ties in to their behavioral patterns and their strategies for power. When people want reactions, they provoke it among people. Don't ever let them provoke the response they want from you. The goal is to own them, not let them own you. 4. Carry out a plan. You have to plan a strategy that targets their weaknesses, and carry it out. Never give in to them...there's always a possibility that they will be stubborn at first...but the plan is full proof. Eventually, it works out. 5. THEY ARE OWNED. Once you've got em manipulated, then you've won. You get what you want, and never settle for less. 6. Repeat when necessary. Enough said. Haha...just thought that was kinda crazy like that.
|
739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
14,October,2002
|
Current Song: Anti-Flag- Die For Your Government *Yawn* I just woke up. I figured this would be a good time to blog, since I haven't gotten around to it all week. I've just been caught up in things. I'm confused about everything you could imagine. It was such a long week, and it's been such a relief to just have it done and over with. I feel like getting out and doing something today. That'd be nice.
|
739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
14,October,2002
|
Three Months Since This Blog Was Started! Whoo Hoo! Wow...I act like it's an anniversary or something. Haha...aren't I dumb. Well, anyways...today sucked. Incredibly. I can not describe the extent to which today sucked. It was truly that bad. Hopefully tomorrow will be better. Hopefully any day will be better than today. Because today sucked. Yeah...that is all.
|
739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
13,October,2002
|
Current Song: Mustard Plug- You Well...let's catch up. We had Birdville contest yesterday...and Fossil killed everyone, as was expected. We got 5th in pre-lims, though we didn't do very good. We did soooo much better in finals, but still got 5th. How The Colony got 2nd, I will never know...I thought their show sucked. I admit Fossil did really good though. Anyways...I'm bored. Not much else to say. Have a nice day you guys.
|
739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
10,October,2002
|
Current Song: Tool- Schism Well, haven't posted in a few days. We had band today...tons of fun. And I'm getting sick, and it makes me mad. So the rest of my fall break is ruined by band, but what do you expect. Ehh...contests actually aren't all too bad. I got Fazoli's after practice today, so that made me happy. Yumm...I love their breadsticks so much. Yeah, so my computer just went psycho. I'm going to publish this post before it decides to freeze up. Have a nice day everyone.
|
739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
07,October,2002
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Current Song: None 'Lord, search my heart, create in me something clean. Dandelions you see flowers in these weeds.' Isn't that a great song? I think so too.
|
739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
05,October,2002
|
Current Song: Five Iron Frenzy- Dandelions Hmm...today is nice. It's all cloudy and calm and such...I enjoy it. It makes me enjoy a bit of calm and peacefulness once in a while. You'd think I'd be running on all the caffeine I downed this morning...but I'm just really mellow and content. It's nice. I think I'm gonna have lunch in a bit, and then find something to do, because I don't really feel like sitting at home by myself today. This is the kind of day that I like to spend with people. Well, time for food. *~~ :-) ~~*
|
739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
05,October,2002
|
Current Song: Ok Go- Get Over It Wow...haven't posted in a few days. Crazy finals suck, they drain all your energy. K-Town won another football game, but it WAS against Boswell, so what can I say. Well, things aren't so bad lately. I have nothing to rant about, so there isn't a whole lot to say. Except for the fact that people try to make decisions for me, and act like I'm not capable of just doing things on my own. It's like they all want me to just live in a box by myself for the rest of my damn life. It's dumb, why should everyone else care so much about what I do. And when they try to talk bad about people, they sound like hypocrites. But that's okay, they can go on doing what they do, and I'll just mind my own business and ignore them. :) Anyways, that's my pointless ranting...see yall laters.
|
739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
01,October,2002
|
Current Song: Reel Big Fish- Beer :-D Happy thought, happy thoughts. :-D (This post is for all you people looking for something positive in my my blog :-P)
|
739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
30,November,2002
|
Current Song: Reel Big Fish- Take On Me Well hello everyone. :) Went bowling yesterday, was much fun, and alot better than sitting at home. Minus my horrible suckiness at bowling. Haha...ah well, what can ya do? So anyways, sucks that we have school on Monday. I have lots of homework to do. Suck. Okay, I'm outta here. Catch ya on the flip side, you crazies, you.
|
739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
29,November,2002
|
Current Song: The Promise Ring- Happiness Is All The Rage Humm...been thinking alot lately. Old memories are so nice. :) But they make me sad too. Because I wish stuff would go back to the way it was back then. I mean, have you ever looked back on something and been like 'wow...I was so happy.' Or you start to think about someone who's sorta been in the back of your mind, and you're like 'wow...I really really cared about them. They really made me happy.' It's nice to think of things like that. The only really sad thing is that you probably don't even hardly cross their mind anymore. I was also thinking back to this past summer...like, the very beginning of the summer, and camping and such. Those were good times. Just...happy. I'm always so alive in the summer...God, I love it! I remember nights I would just stay up all night, just happy over nothing, and then being so tired at work the next day, but so blissful. I remember one day at work, I was so tired, yet so peacefully happy that i just watched the pool water around me in awe, and I just closed my eyes, put my face against the sun and soaked up the warmth. Wow...I just suddenly got carried away. Didn't even realize I was typing. Summer makes me happy. I wish it was summer. :-\ Goodnight you crazies.
|
739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
28,November,2002
|
Current Song: Finch- Waiting If anyone's been wondering why I've been posting alot lately, it's because I've been really bored. And I'm a crazy computer geek. :-P I wish I had something interesting or inspiring to say. Heck, I just wish something interesting or inspiring would happen in my life. I'm such a horribly boring person. Ah well, the holiday season is here, and unlike past years, I plan on really enjoying it. I just realized that I haven't written in my actual journal is months. Isn't that sad? And yet I write in here almost every day. Pathetic. Okay, I'm gonna go watch Star Wars: Episode 2. Hehe...see you crazies later.
|
739,687 |
female
| 17 |
Student
|
Cancer
|
27,November,2002
|
Current Song: Glassjaw- Ape Dos Mil Whoo...I'm having fun with my blog. Lot's of HTML crap though, it's confusing. Oh gosh, I nearly forgot to say: Happy Thanksgiving! Well, have a nice day you crazies!
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