Datasets:
tasksource
/
blog_authorship_corpus

Dataset card Data Studio Files
xet
Community
2
id
int64
5.11k
4.34M
gender
stringclasses
2 values
age
int64
13
48
topic
stringclasses
40 values
sign
stringclasses
12 values
date
stringlengths
2
18
text
stringlengths
4
790k
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
27,November,2002
Quiz Of The Day You are an Accord EX 4 Cylinder. You're somewhat middle of the road, but you're a bit more brash and blunt than the other more typical fuddy-duddies. You're low maintenance and quiet until people or things put you over the edge; then you tell it like it is, loudly. urlLink which honda are you? | urlLink visit high mileage haha...yay 4 me! I'm my own car...that's kinda goofy and ironic.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
26,November,2002
Current Song: The Distillers- City of Angels Interesting poem...not very good, but it makes me think of how much I've had to leave behind in life: I once was a child with uniquely crafted dreams A wild imagination behind bright blue eyes Everything in life seemed to shimmer and gleam Disappointment wasnt obsolete; just cleverly disguised. But year by year reality began to take hold My dreams fell victim to dust and rust I slowly let pieces of my past turn dark and cold But I couldnt dwell on that past; I had to adjust. It took some time to uncover my lost goals Though never again would they shimmer and gleam Now I look back with a sigh at my childish soul And my bright blue eyes, harboring uniquely crafted dreams; Dreams that now are gone. Well, that's all of that. Luv ya, bye bye crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
26,November,2002
Current Song: The Distillers- The World Comes Tumblin' Haha...that quiz inspired me to listen to some majorly owning music. Haven't done much today. Just cleaning and such. It's *tons of fun*. Only, that is a major negatory. Lots of pre-Thanksgiving cooking and cleaning going on. I like preparing for holidays. It's fun, and makes me happy. But the actual holidays themselves are much much more fun. Because it's fun minus the work. I wanna start Christmas shopping Friday, but I'm afraid my lack of money may hinder my plans a bit. Ah well, no worries. I always come through when it comes to my financial situations. Except when it comes to my damn Visa...majorly not goodness. Haha...but that's okay...I just hope they don't deactivate my card, which is what they're threatening to do. Sux0rs. Anyways, I'm in a talkative sort of mood today. I notice that everyone else's blogs and journals have such longer entries and they actually talk about stuff. I figure it's time I started doing that. I've decided that I am going to lose all this weight I've gained. It's dumb on my part, however, they I've waited until the holiday season to make this decision. I'm gonna get back in kickboxing, because that got me in awesome shape right away. Corey, the instructor, works everyone really really hard, and at first you want to kill him, but when you realize that you're starting to tone up, you gain a great deal of respect for the man. He's so damn cool too! He was talking to me and Becka one day, and he was like 'what you hafta do is party all through high school, and then settle down in college.' Kinda ironic, because most people say otherwise. Maybe I should combine both sides of the advice, and just party through high school and college. Haha..ownage. Okay, I think I've done enough rambling today. Au revoir you crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
26,November,2002
Current Song: None Yay 4 quizzes: urlLink what punk rock goddess are you? brought to you by urlLink Quizilla Ok, I'm done.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
24,November,2002
Current Song: No Use For A Name- 3 Month Weekend I'm so bored. Went shopping yesterday, and then went bowling. Today I went and got my hair cut, and my hair dresser used some sorta shampoo to make my hair redder. It owns. Some people don't realize that the point of life is to live it. The way I see it, we should live and be crazy now , because, what happens later when we regret all those missed opportunities? Mistakes are part of the beauty of life. Live with no regrets. Bye bye you crazies!!!!!
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
24,November,2002
Current Song: Paul Oakenfold- Starry Eyed Surprise Wow...I woke up at 5:15 today. Actually, I'd woken up earlier, like 11 or 12 with really really bad cramps, so i got a shower, and then layed back down because of the pain. I was like crying by the time my mom brought me two aleve and a heating pad. And then I slept...a really long time. I'm better now, thank God. And that is why I am getting on the pill within like a week or two...because I can't handle more of that. Well, adios you crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
23,November,2002
Current Song: No Use For A Name- A Postcard Would Be Nice I dyed my hair an auburn-brown last night. I like it, it's pretty cool. Not much else to say...white rice with soy sauce is good....yum yum. Well, I'm outta here, cuz I'm bored. I'll see you crazies later.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
21,November,2002
Current Song: No Use For A Name- On The Outside Funniest thing ever: *Manda doing homework at the end of lunch* Manda: Dammit, this is soo much! *Babcock walks by* Babcock: (in a smart ass tone) you are talking about water dams, right? Manda: No, actually I'm talking about a.....*keeps writing...pauses...looks up*.....Yes I am. Bah...owned. Anyways, I don't like Mr. Babcock. In fact, I despise that favoritistic little jerk! If I don't move up soon, I'm going to hafta quit, he's that bad. And then he threatens to move people down...humm...he's talking to trumpets.......who is (unfairly) last chair? me. He even thinks about doing something that dumb, and I'll quit on the spot. I enjoy playing, but band isn't fun. It's lost it's enjoyment. And it's just not worth it to stay in if I'm miserable. And I do mean miserable. On another note, World History=class of death and such. Bye bye crazies!
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
19,November,2002
Current Song: No Doubt- Just A Girl I'm feeling kinda crazy right now. A bit rebellious. I feel like going a bit crazy. But in a good way. :-P C-ya later you crazies...though I suppose I'm the crazy one. HeHe. Adios.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
18,November,2002
Current Song: A New Found Glory- Hit Or Miss I've decided that I'm stupid. And I need to quit worrying about stupid stuff. And I also need to catch up in all my classes; that will probably eliminate alot of stress. Yes, this was a stupid post. But it serves a valid purpose. Adios you crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
17,November,2002
Current Song: Finch- What It Is To Burn The concert last night kicked ass. The song I'm listening to is a complete coincidence. :-P So yeah...I had a great time last night. Though I was washing blue dye out of my hair until about 1 or so this morning. That's okay, I skipped 1st and 2nd period. :) I do that alot...oh well. Isn't it odd how sometimes you feel so alone in the world. Right now I'm just mad at people in general. People are so FREAKING RUDE! You can't be serious with any of the stupid asses, because if your mood doesn't conform to theirs, they have to be rude to you. I hate people sometimes! Ah well...I don't care anymore. Screw people, I don't want any shitty friends that are gonna step on me, and then run in and be nice when it's convenient for them. We just got a gas fire thingy for the fireplace. Like, just now. As in, my dad just finished hooking it up. We'd never been able to have anything in the fireplace before, because of my dad's asthma and emphysema. I don't know why we have one now, but okay. I'm gonna go catch up on all the homework I have. Bye.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
17,November,2002
Current Song: Finch- Without You Here New Found Glory, Something Corporate, Finch and Further Seems Forever tomorrow night. :) I'm a bit happier to think of that.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
16,November,2002
Current Song: Five Iron Frenzy- One Girl Army Sometimes I feel alive. Sometimes I feel dead. And then there are the times when I feel like I'm caught somewhere in between death and life. Like I'm still breathing, but with each breath I die a little more. People get so mad at me because they don't understand me. And when they get angry like that, how can I explain myself to them? It's like no one understands, because they're too nieve to even listen. I want people to listen. Because if they only knew the things I could tell them, than maybe--just maybe--the way I am would be a bit easier to understand.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
14,November,2002
Current Song: Rascal Flatts- I'm Movin' On I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons Finally content with a past I regret I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness For once I'm at peace with myself I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long I'm movin' on I've lived in this place and I know all the faces Each one is different but they're always the same They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it They'll never allow me to change But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong I'm movin' on I'm movin' on At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone There comes a time in everyone's life When all you can see are the years passing by And I have made up my mind that those days are gone I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't Stopped to fill up on my way out of town I've loved like I should but lived that I shouldn't I had to lose everything to find out Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road I'm movin' on I'm movin' on I'm movin' on Great song. Awesome lyrics, mostly. Adios.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
13,November,2002
Current Song: Caedmon's Call- Who You Are Life is insane. But ya know what? I'll make it through. I almost cracked today...I really did. But I'm going to be okay. I am so defeated, so lost and so hopeless, but it helps to know that I will never be alone. Bye.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
12,November,2002
Current Song: Mustard Plug- Mendoza Interesting day. Most interesting being first period, ironically enough. I have World History. Now what could ever be interesting in the frikkin class? Well, here's the story: I was sitting in class, bored and tired as usual. Because honestly, who can listen to that woman lecture for an hour and a half and stay sane? Not me, so I slept. Strangely, I've never slept that well in her class. I was seriously out cold. Dreaming and so on and so forth. Then I tried to wake up, but it felt like I was paralyzed and couldn't move. Eventually I did...in perfect timing. We were about to have a test over the notes that...oh...I hadn't taken. Even better yet, we got to use those notes...you know...the ones I hadn't been AWAKE for...it was real cute. Yeah, so you try B/S-ing an entire paper about how China influenced Japan, Korea and Vietnam. Haha...it sucked, but it was pretty amusing. Because I really don't care. Yep, so that was just about the highlight of my lovely day. Had an ortho appointment, missed band(thank God), and I'm debating over whether or not to embarrass myself and do region. Maybe next year. Buh Bye you crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
11,November,2002
Current Song: Queen- Bohemian Rhapsody Humm...boring day of school. But that damned marching season is over, thank God. So we had no practice, and it was nice. I got to have a life after school. Well, I really don't have alot to say today. Probably because not much has been going on. Adios you crazies!
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
10,November,2002
Current Song: Puddle of Mudd- She Fucking Hates Me Ahh, today's another nice day. Just like yesterday. So sunny and pretty. Well, I'm gonna go get a shower and do homework and such, because I really wanna do something today. Like shopping. I haven't gone shopping in so long...it's killing me. Haha...well, I'm off. C-ya later you crazy crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
09,November,2002
Current Song: Rancid- Time Bomb :) I hope today's a good day. :) Not much else to say. Buh bye crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
08,November,2002
Current Song: Coldplay- Politik Last football game of the season tonight...thank you God. So umm...I've been in a good mood lately. It's nice. Like today...constant good moodness. Up until just recently, because people's bad moods are easy to catch. I hate that! I wish people with bad moods would just stay away from me when I'm happy. If I'm in a bad mood, I don't go hang around someone who's all happy and bitch to them. Or I try not to. Happy people should group with happy people, and sad, pissy people should go vent to one another...not anyone else. That's okay though. I'm still pretty happy. Yeah, things have been good lately. 'There's a new wind blowin' like I've never known, I'm breathin' deeper than I've ever done, And it sure feels good, to finally feel the way I do, I wanna love somebody, love somebody like you.' I just realized I've quoted that song before in my blog. Haha...how funny. I'm hungry. Au revoir you crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
04,November,2002
Current Song: Rancid- Ruby Soho I wish people knew who I was, so they could save me from who I'm becoming. brad11785: your dog has mental problems hahaha...my doggie is so stupid.*Sits in middle of street* No band? What do I do?!?!?*Shoots self in head* Adios you crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
03,November,2002
Current Song: Reel Big Fish- Sell Out Wow, what a weekend. Friday was the game against LD Bell. So, we're performing our show and this group of students from Bell is screaming and cussing and throwing ice and tennis balls and paper and such on to the field. I found it very disrespectful..but funny at the same time. Because some of them got arrested. Hehe...So now, we get home around 10:30 or so, and I went home n SLEPT until 3:30, so i could get up, get a shower n be at school by 5. I left the house with my hair soaking wet, no make-up...but ya know what? I enjoyed not caring. So in San Antonio we got a division one rating, but didnt make finals. The bands that made finals...made me laugh. Because they don't have marching shows! They have some guy rapping n people breakdancing and dirty sluts for color guard. Or they have people jumping on trampolines and such. Or they have someone playing a guitar and people worshipping guard members. Come on. And of course Bell had the same show they've had for the past 6 years...the machine twice...what a shock. So I slept the entire way back, and we got home around 4 or 4:30. I'm not sure what time because I was too tired to care. Then I got home and slept until about 12. Or close enough. Anyways, I dunno what it was about the trip, but I felt incredibly...lonely. And I don't necessarily mean the relationship kind of way...I just mean lonely. Through alot of Saturday I found myself just kinda sitting alone, walking around alone, not really talking to anyone...just sort of alone. And I didn't really go running for anyone either, because I just didn't care. I just got this feeling like I wasn't really welcome to hang out with anyone. It made me question alot of things. Like where I stand as far as friendships with people are concerned. Because if people are gonna give me a cold shoulder whenever they don't feel I'm 'needed', then do I really want to be hanging around with them? It might have just been an odd weekend, but it made me sorta feel like shit. I think I just need to re-evaluate things. Ah well, I'm gonna go now...I feel like going shopping today. Shopping can make me happy. And I'm not broke either. :)
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
01,November,2002
Current Song: Ozma- In Search of 1988 This quiz makes me laugh...cuz they're saying that labels suck..and then they go labeling people. But I took it for laughs and because I'm so very bored: urlLink labels suck! but which one are YOU? brought to you by urlLink Quizilla haha...stupid people that made that quiz...tsk tsk.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
01,November,2002
Current Song: Ozma- The Ups And Downs I urlLink How can I label you? brought to you by urlLink Quizilla Hehe...quizzes are so addictive.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
01,November,2002
Current Song: Ozma- Baseball Well, today's been interesting. Had a doctor appointment, because for the past 3 or 4 days I've been getting sharp pains in my stomach...and it's so incredibly horrible and painful. So then I had to go down to Ft Worth for a blood test, because they think (and I stress the word think, because you never know with crazy doctors these days) that it's either a gallbladder infection, a liver infection or appendicitis. Fun. So depending on what the results are, I don't know if I'm going to San Antonio this weekend or not.*Pains currently jabbing me...ouch* Anyways...not much else going on. Last night was Halloween...it wasn't too bad. Well, I'm out children. Buh bye.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
28,December,2002
Sorry, yes. More Quizzes because none of you care. urlLink which eye are you? brought to you by urlLink Quizilla You're a hopeless romantic. You fall in love easily and quickly, and often have your heart broken. You like romantic movies, books, and you're always trying to think of some way to wow your honey. People call you sentimental or idealistic, and sometimes they even make some comment about they might vomit if they have to listen to go on and on any more. Phew. Some day, though, you will make someone very happy. urlLink Be cool! Take the What Do You Want Out Of Life? Quiz Funny how none of that sounds anything like me.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
25,December,2002
Hooray For Quizzes urlLink
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
25,December,2002
Current Song: The Distillers- Sick Of It All Hey crazies, what's going on? I'm quite bored, and kinda sleepy. But that's okay. I wanna go to The Door tonight. Too bad I don't have a RIDE. Major suckfest. Ah well...I will find one. All in good time. Still bored. Still sleepy. Nothing to say really. Later crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
25,December,2002
Merry Christmas! And now...a quiz. urlLink Merry Christmas CRAZIES!
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
24,December,2002
Current Song: The Vandals- The New You Gah...I'm not feeling so slick today, kids. I've got a cold, and it's driving me insane. Tomorrow is Christmas, HOORAY! Humm...I really don't have a whole lot to say. I finally finished my Christmas shopping yesterday, and I was quite proud of myself. Stupid cold. I'm gonna go re-arrange my room. Catch you Cr@zi3s later.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
23,December,2002
Current Song- Mad Caddies- Monkeys Humm, just woke up not too long ago. Then I helped my mom make some cookies, and now I'm doing nothing. I'm gonna go shopping later, for my last minute Christmas shopping. The other night I got to thinking about, just, everything...and I realized that I don't have anywhere to turn anymore. I'm just...horribly empty. And I know I'm finding my 'contention' in all the wrong places, but I don't have too many options anymore. Meh, who gives a shit. Bye crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
21,December,2002
Current Song: Southfm- Dear Claudia Yay! Done with all those gay classes. Hooray. 'Dear Claudia, you should try not to sleep with your best friend's boyfriend... You've come so far since the time when you let your first boy in... And you do it so callously As if you had no self esteem... A victim of apathy, but you don't care what people say about you...' Bye bye crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
19,December,2002
Current Song: Rx Bandits- Analog Boy Looking up good quotes: Every man is guilty of all the good he didn't do. Voltaire In the middle of the journey of our life I came to myself within a dark wood where the straight way was lost. Dante Alighieri Treat the other man's faith gently; it is all he has to believe with. His mind was created for his own thoughts, not yours or mine. Henry S. Haskins To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. David Viscott The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want. Ben Stein Not a shred of evidence exists in favor of the idea that life is serious. Brendan Gill It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over. Edna St. Vincent Millay Well, the page just decided to close, so that's all for now. Have fun you crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
18,December,2002
Current Song: Homegrown- Give It Up Have a horrible headache. Gah. Today was so long...but it ended up working out okay. Even though I was worried about playing off my scales and my french oral. But...got 100's on both, so it made me alot happier. Too bad I have C's in my other two classes.My GPA is officially ruined. But I just don't care anymore. Meh. Oh, by the way, yesterday was a funny day. Just everything made me laugh till I peed. Only not quite....well, off to....do something else I suppose. Later crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
16,December,2002
Current Song: Autopilot Off- Missing The Innocence Humm...I don't know why I'm posting. I really have nothing to say. Disappointed at people, but not surprised. I realized how much I care about my friends, and them getting hurt and such. It really hurts to see someone get stepped on...just as much as getting stepped on yourself. Anyways...blau. I'm bored and really don't have anything else to say. C-ya cr@zi3s.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
14,December,2002
Current Song: Allister- Overrated Humm...feeling blah. Trying to cheer myself up. In need of good times. In need of...something. Thinking about stuff. Thinking alot...about...needing something. Wishing I knew what it was. Bye crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
11,December,2002
Current Song: The Distillers- Ask The Angels Wow...I practiced today. I never practice. It was cool...I hit a high high F above the staff. Like, the one above the C that's above the staff. Damn it was cool. Anyways, enough of that. *Sigh*...and blah. I'm sleepy...I'm always sleepy. Most likely because I never sleep. I've had alot of trouble focusing on anything or anyone lately...so badly that I can have zero distraction and still not be focused. And it's not like my mind wanders or something catches my attentions...it's that I just stop thinking completely...just blah. Haha...it's cool though. No one really has much to say of any importance anyways. Alright...adios crazy kids.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
09,December,2002
Current Song: Kernkraft 400- Zombie Nation Wow, I was thinking about organized religion today. And suddenly, everything started clicking for me. You see, lately, I've been finding dissatisfaction in my Catholic religion and upbringing. So I decided not to get confirmed this year, and kind of sort things out. Maybe even find a new religion. Well, I finally realized that basically...I'm anti-organized religion. Yes, I'm a christian and such, I believe in God and that Jesus died for our sins, but I also believe that organized religion is corrupt. Basically, I first weighed the pros and cons of organized religion. My findings: Pros: *it enforces common morality into society *in reference to Christianity specifically, it gives different interpretations of the bible, and gathers crowds with similar views Cons: *it creates corruption within the church and even the religion itself (By the way, 'organized religion' and 'church' are two very different things; urlLink read here ) *it spoon-feeds religion to people, sometimes to the extent of practically 'brainwashing' them *it creates biases, and makes people judgemental and close-minded *in reference to the 2nd 'Pro' statement, different interpretations to the bible could be a 'Con' as well, because people are given interpretations of someone else's opinions Now, let me clarify that christianity is not an organized religion. the practice of true christianity is called New Covenant Christianity, and it's not an organized religion. If you want to read more, urlLink Click Here. Adios you crazies you!!!!
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
08,December,2002
Current Song: Jimmy Eat World- Sweetness ...I wish it was summer... Hatred level of the winter: 132143243000000%! Yes, that percentage is possible. Because I say so. I feel bad for people who don't ever just LET GO. Have fun. Be crazy, and not always follow all the rules. That's what it's all about. Like my personal cliche goes, 'Mistakes build character'. I mean, I'd rather not be spoonfed morals and rules. I guess I'm big in to individualism and such. I have nothing against anyone's morals, but I just like living. I don't like being preached to either. Because then I don't really learn anything for myself. As goes another one of my personal cliches(maybe I have too many of these), 'To experience life is to live it first hand...'. I'll leave it at that. Au revoir crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
05,December,2002
Current Song: Glassjaw- Tip Your Bartender I'm a complicated person. Never really satisfied with anything. Never really content, never really happy. Just alive, and not much more. Just lacking. Contention is something so desirable, but it's something that just seems so unreachable. Maybe contention is something only in theory. Or maybe it's just me. Who cares. Bye crazies. My apologies for the pointlessness.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
05,December,2002
Current Song: Me First And The Gimme Gimmes- Uptown Girl Ahh, last night so ranks as the craziest night ever. Microtel........own. Ok, now I sleep. Bye Bye crizazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
05,December,2002
Current Song: The Vandals- Summer Lovin' Found an interesting article in the newspaper today about blogging. Actually, it was about narcissism, but it talked alot about blogging. Here's a little snippet: urlLink It's all about... ME Tom Schenden, 34, lives in Brea, Calif., and works in health-care marketing. He also keeps an online diary -- an online soap box, really -- filled with whatever strikes his fancy that day. When he first heard about blogging, 'it sounded so dorky,' he admitted. But he started an online diary anyway and soon was hooked. 'It gave me an outlet to write, it's personally enjoyable. It's a chance to explore my own creative writing and see what people react to.' Schenden actually had two blogs, one of which was written about his personal life, including a divorce, though anonymously. Like almost everyone who decides to share their story with a viewing audience, Schenden latches onto the language of psychotherapy. Everything is 'catharsis' these days, as if getting it off your chest is, in and of itself, the most important thing. 'It was fun to be able to spill all,' Schenden said. 'It's sometimes interesting to get feedback, safe feedback, when no one knows who you are.' Schenden soon shut down the anonymous blog, however, for the simple reason that he could have been exposed -- hurting others, and himself. It's a sentiment no doubt one or two former Sally Jesse Raphael guests have, though they can't so easily tap the 'delete' key. How few of them actually think of this before. The other Schenden blog is a collection of opinions, meted out in paragraph spoonfuls. Like so many online rants, it's like eavesdropping on a conversation at the mall, hearing only snippets of opinion. None of Schenden's thoughts is publishable in the conventional sense. They're not long enough to be editorials, not developed enough to be articles. Instead, it's a journal, but he wouldn't keep it unless people read it. A personal diary 'is not worth doing. I do groove on feedback.' Of course, Schenden himself doesn't read blogs. He just writes one. Sometimes it seems like the whole blog community is this way -- everybody shouting, nobody listening. It's not my intention to belittle Schenden, or even blogs. If this fulfills him, bravo. And as a journalist, I support any technology that democratizes the written word. But I'm looking for a little self-censorship. What happened to formulating thoughts, writing them out in private and editing them before publication? Where is the thoughtful analysis in the ravenous beast of a blog updated every day, every hour? Some days, Schenden doesn't feel like writing in his blog. But he knows there are 20-30 regular readers of his journal, so he starts tapping away anyway. 'Then all of a sudden I realize I do have something to say,' he said. Call me old-fashioned, but shouldn't inspiration precede production? Too many things are said, and written, because we're taught that if you have a story, you must tell it. If you have a secret, you must tell it. Expose all. When, I wonder, does one stay silent? It makes you feel so narcissistic, huh? Well, c-ya you crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
03,December,2002
Current Song: The Vandals- Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious *Falls over dead* I'm so tired. I've gotten a total of 7 hours of sleep in the past two days, and it's really catching up with me. I couldn't stay awake 4th period today at all. Today's been a good day though...lots of fun. Okay, well, I can't think of much to say. I have no energy whatsoever. And I can't think. Well, I'm off to do homework or take a nap...most likely the latter, seeing as how for some reason I just looked up the word 'likely' in the dictionary. Yes, I need sleep. Buh Bye crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
01,December,2002
Quiz Of The Day urlLink haha...o geez. Well, adios crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
01,December,2002
Current Song: The Vandals- Oi To The World *Yawn* I'm tired. Last day of freaking break! How depressing, and I have lots of homework. But I got cucumber rolls last night, so that makes it almost all better. :) I have a good plan for next weekend. I'll tell whoever must be informed. :) 0wn0wn0wn! Well, I'm off to do my english paper. Boooo, suck. Have a spiffy day you crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
30,January,2003
Ahh geez. These are too good not to show everyone The tiger can't change his spots. No, wait, he did! Good for him! Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet? And also, you're drunk. I remember that fateful day when Coach took me aside. I knew what was coming. 'You don't have to tell me,' I said. 'I'm off the team, aren't I?' 'Well,' said Coach, 'you never were really on the team. You made that uniform you're wearing out of rags and towels, and your helmet is a toy space helmet. You show up at practice and then either steal the ball and make us chase you to get it back, or you try to tackle people at inappropriate times.' It was all true what he was saying. And yet, I thought, something is brewing inside the head of this Coach. He sees something in me, some kind of raw talent that he can mold. But that's when I felt the handcuffs go on. I think a good novel would be where a bunch of men on a ship are looking for a whale. They look and look, but you know what? They never find him. And you know why they never find him? It doesn't say. The book leaves it up to you, the reader, to decide. Then, at the very end, there's a page that you can lick and it tastes like Kool-Aid. Better not take a dog on the Space Shuttle, because if he sticks his head out when you're coming home his face might burn up. When you die, if you get a choice between going to regular heaven and pie heaven, choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if it's not, ummmm, boy. If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is 'Probably because of something you did.' Okee dokies. I'm so done now. Later crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
29,January,2003
A Great Quiz YOU BEAT OLD LADIES FOR PILLS!!! urlLink what's YOUR deepest secret? brought to you by urlLink Quizilla Oh man. Does that ever sound like me or what? Haha.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
29,January,2003
Current Song: No Use For A Name- The Answer Is Still No Another good day. Gotta love those like streaks of good days. So nice. I got to go driving today. You know, besides the fact that at one point I was going 20 over the speed limit...I did really good. Ahh geez....funniest thing EVER: *silence at lunch table* Manda: So...did you hear about the guy who tried to kiss his girlfriend in the fog and mist? (Yes...it's spelled wrong for a reason.) Me: WTF.... --Later--- *Manda goes up to Rachel* Manda: Hey, did you hear about the guy who tried to kiss his girlfriend in the fog and mist? Rachel: No, I haven't! HAHA. So FREAKING GREAT! Who could ever imagine Algebra 2 worksheets could provide so much entertainment? Well, that's about all for my day. I'll catch you crazies later.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
29,January,2003
Current Song: Bad Religion- Punk Rock Song Hmm...good day. I find myself changing alot lately. I mean, something about me is changing again. I'm not sure if it's a good thing or a bad thing. It's almost a little scary. I think it'll work out alright though. Have you ever known someone who you didn't really talk to much...you know, maybe a 'hi' every once in a while....and you never really thought much about them, but all of a sudden you find yourself thinking about them? And all of a sudden, you find yourself almost being attracted to them. Just out of nowhere...nothing to spur it...nothing changing between the two of you...but all of sudden you're like...strangely attracted to them. I think it's weird. Something just all of a sudden makes you think differently about them. Very peculiar. And it's not like a strong attraction either...you just find yourself thinking about them a bit more. And then there are the situations, which conveniently arise at the same time, where you start to think about people from the past. And you kinda start missing that. But, I mean, everyone reminisces once in a while...it's just kinda sad to miss all the good things that used to be in your life. And, now, I'm not really speaking of people, but of memories in general. Sometimes I just miss the way things used to be. But I guess moving on is part of life. Well, I'm outta here. See you at the end of the world, crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
28,January,2003
Current Song: Bad Religion- Sorrow Well, today wasn't too bad. Not too bad at all. Got my permit today. Finally. Yay, I'm happy. Well, that's about all that happened today. I'm really at a loss for words lately. Sorry, maybe I'll think of something to say later. Later crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
27,January,2003
Current Song: The Eyeliners- Sealed With A Kiss What a day. Busy. Long. Good...and then bad. And then it decided to get better. That's always good. Mmmm...nothing to say about today. I'm tired. So I'm gonna go read and then sleep. Until we meet again, crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
26,January,2003
Current Song: No Doubt- Spiderwebs Ah geez. Today is good in a very bad way. But hehe...that's cool! Damn can't wait till kickboxing starts. Oww Oww...painful pleasure. :) I wish I had talent. Like, musical talent or something of the sort. Geez, I've always been in love with everything about music since I was like 2 or 3. No kidding. Now if only I'd done so much as acquired a talent for anything involving music. Then I'd be happy. Maybe I should concentrate on that sorta thing. I've decided I wanna learn drums or bass. Preferably drums. Because that would just be so damn great. Well...what to say. I've decided to ignore my family from now on. Because I am having a big self-improvements lately, and all they do is drag me down. So, no more of that. I will keep improving, and forget all about them. When I graduate college, and find a career of interest, I'm moving to somewhere near the equator. I'm thinking to like an island or something. A tropical place. That way I never have to deal with cold, shitty weather. And I have pretty, tropical weather. And everyone thinks that I'm not completely serious, but I am. Really. Because it's the only way I see of me being happy in life. If I have to deal with winter, then I can't do that. Ahh...wouldn't that be wonderful. Nice, tropical weather. God, I love it! I mean, even when the weather is shitty in places like that, it's still great. So moving to somewhere like that. hooray. I feel productive right now. Hmm...that's really good. Because about an hour ago I felt like rolling over and dying. I think I'm gonna go take another Aleve and then read or study or something. I really shouldn't be taking another Aleve though...I've already had 4 since last night. The limit is like...3 in 24 hours. Eh...what am I supposed to do when they DON'T WORK!? Well, off to do something of importance. See ya at high tides, crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
25,January,2003
Current Song: Jimmy Eat World- Praise Chorus Why is life this way? When will I ever reach anyone's expectations? I'll just never be good enough. My family always tells me how I used to be so happy, and how they wish I would be like that again. How they 'want that person back.' And I don't know what to do. What am I supposed to do? I can't do anything. If people would just stop pointing out to me how unhappy I am, then maybe I could ignore it a little more.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
23,January,2003
Current Song: The Ramones- Judy Is A Punk Ahh..well hello crazies. It's Saturday afternoon, obviously, and I'm so tired. It feels like early Saturday morning. Except it's not. Had a crazy time last night. Went to Rosa's with Manda n Rae, then we went to Target, messed around a while, then back to Rachel's house. Haha...we are quite crazy freaks. I laughed so hard I almost died. Went to IHOP this morning then. Actually...this afternoon. Whatever, I'm still confused. Got home...now I'm doing absolutely nothing. Hmm...I want to go get a shower now. See you when it matters, crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
23,January,2003
Current Song: The Clash- I Fought The Law Mmm. Took a nap today. Then I woke up and thought I was going to be late for school. Bah. I am a crazy child. I realized that my new template kinda looks like a newspaper. I was just thinking about that. Geez, I'm still tired. Does anyone else ever feel like you waste time if you take a nap during the day or sleep too long at night? Because I do. Like, I'm just wasting away a day by napping. Maybe if I got adequate sleep every night, that wouldn't be such an issue. I wouldn't have to nap. And I would be able to enjoy my days, rather than sleep them away. That's probably why I don't take naps in the summer. Because I couldn't bare to waste such beautiful days. Hell, I never even sleep in the summer. Because I don't even feel the need. Ooh! I just got a good idea. But I can't say. HeHe. Just saw an ad for Final Destination 2 on AIM. God the first one is so great. I don't see how they can make a successful sequel to it though. Ahh well, all the power to 'em. Hmm...so long and farewell, dear crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
22,January,2003
Shauna's Day From Hell Hmm...what a day. SUCKFEST! Went to the DPS today. Here's story number one: Get to the DPS in Hurst, and they tell us that my TEA form is expired by TWO DAYS! Oh my gosh. So much anger. Well, we got the TEA form on December 20th. So, my mom and I, being...desperate, change the 0 to a 6. Haha...yeah. We were angry. So we go to the other DPS, and they tell us that we have to go to the one in Hurst to get my permit. GAY. So, our plaigarism didn't work, but we were kinda glad, because we were so nervous about it anyways. We're getting a new TEA form now, and I won't get my permit until next Tuesday. *Boo* Yeah, and I missed sectionals, Mr. Babcock says that the fact that my mom could only get off work today to go to the DPS isn't a 'valid excuse', but whatever. I don't see how that isn't a 'valid excuse.' What a jerk. Okay, sorry, life not revolving around damn sectionals! So yeah, I'm gonna be screwed over tomorrow. And also, I like how Babcock had such a vivid memory of listening to Jared play his chair test on Friday. He told me yesterday when I asked about it. So I asked Jared about it today...Jared was never at school on Friday. Very puzzling. I mean...think about it. He has a grade for Jared, and also specifically remembers him playing. Something is wrong with that. Something is also wrong with the fact that he didn't have grades for me or Kelvin, though we both played, so he thinks...writes a little bit, and then gives everyone their chairs. Honestly, he's making himself very suspicious. See, what would appear to be going on, is that he's manipulating people's grades! You know, maybe I'm being paranoid...but look at the facts. Sure, I definately do not agree with that man on alot of levels, and that would give me reason to be paranoid, so maybe it is just me. Except that other people see it as well. Makes you think. Ooh, started reading Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand last night. It gets you hooked. Quickly. Well, that's my day from hell. What a blast. Have a better day than me, crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
21,January,2003
Current Song: Lagwagon- Sleep Hmm...very good day! I was very glad. I get my permit tomorrow. Finally. Amen to that. Well, last night was interesting. I couldn't sleep. Only think. I just finally realized how much I have...well...changed. I was reading my journal last night (my actual written one, not the one that anyone can see). I was reading back to January through May of last year. In April or May I can accross something that really shook me. It was a list of 'Things That Make Me Happy'. Do you know how many things I had listed? 50. Fifty things that made me happy. Gosh, if you could have seen how simple and delightful each thing was. By the time I got to the third thing on the list, my eyes were welling up. And by the tenth thing, I had tears running down my face. Because it made me realize how horribly unhappy I've become. In just a matter of months, I have lost faith in nearly everything on that list. And to make it worse, I probably couldn't have thought of 15 things to put on that list anymore. I just don't think I'm supposed to have to be like this. And I read back further through my journal, and in nearly every single entry, with the exception of only one! , I expressed so much joy and thankfulness for everything in my life. And probably the most ironic thing of all, was that I found myself envious of...well...myself. I found myself filled with so much envy , for none other than the person I used to be. It made me sad. Well, off to go study or read or something. Ta ta for now, crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
20,January,2003
Some Insightful Quotes For You Lovely People I'm hoping these quotes will provoke a few...comments...from people: It is a fine thing to establish one's own religion in one's heart, not to be dependent on tradition and second-hand ideals. Life will seem to you, later, not a lesser, but a greater thing. D. H. Lawrence Hmm...it's like all my thoughts on religion put quite simply into words. If you can't have faith in what is held up to you for faith, you must find things to believe in yourself, for a life without faith in something is too narrow a space to live. George E. Woodberry How true. People ask for criticism, but they only want praise. W. Somerset Maugham And will I EVER agree to that statement. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty. George Burns BAH HAH. Quite humorous. Assert your right to make a few mistakes. If people can't accept your imperfections, that's their fault. Dr. David M. Burns I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God's business. Michael J. Fox If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all. Anna Quindlen Hmm...sometimes I feel like that. Like when everyone tries to implant this impression of my so-called 'success' into my head...or when they tell me what I have to do to be 'successful'...and sometimes, I just don't feel like I have to be THAT person to be successful in life. Well, that's enough quotes for now. Until next time, crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
19,January,2003
Current Song: The Ramones- Blitzkrieg Bop Ah. Just woke up. So tired. I was watching a movie in my room 'til about 4. Then I woke up at 8 for some reason, and then fell back asleep. Hoping to go to the mall today. Also have many chores...crap. Well...not too much else to say. Mmk, shower time. Later crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
19,January,2003
P.S.: That wipeout kicked ass. Damn I shoulda had a video camera.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
18,January,2003
Current Song: Simple Plan- I'd Do Anything Oh man. What a day. Me and Rae went to Thrift Town, then back to her house. We went skateboarding around her neighborhood...and wow. Let me tell you a story. So something possesses me to suggest going down this hill...btw I'm riding Rae's brother's crap skateboard. The wheels aren't even aligned right, so they turn whenever they please. And the trucks were like about to freakings FALL OFF. So something possesses me to say 'hey...let's go down that hill.' Big mistake. So...heading down hill...start going FAST. We speed up to at least 30 mph. Really. And then...board starts going crazy...wheels are shaking like they are going to fall off. Trust me, I knew that if I hadn't jumped, I woulda freakin had my ass kicked. So...like a moron...I jump the board. I try to run for a while, and then I skid like 5 feet along my left side. And to top it off, I rip a brand new pair of pants. So I immediately think 'OMFG...MY PANTS...NOOOOOOOOO!!' And I jump right up and see a nice tear in my pants. Suckfest. Didn't care about my knee being torn up or my elbow being torn up. Just the pants. And so I dont know where the hell Rae is and I yelled 'Uhhh...Rachel...a word of advice...DON'T JUMP THE BOARD!' Oh, so lovely. No. Not really. But can't forget: *Rachel lies motionless on ground, faking to be dead or something of the sort* *Shauna's mangled body stumbles toward her' Shauna: Rachel...Rachel!!!!! Are you dead?!?! *Shauna drags mangled body toward Rachel* *Rachel sits up* Rachel: HAHAHAH...oh my god... haha. so great. Well, I'm off to...listen to music or something. Adios crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
18,January,2003
New Template! Hooray for Shauna! Yay for me. Figured out a new template and put all the good ol' shiznit in it. Well, I'm gonna go get ready to go to Thrift Town...I need to dry my hair and iron my pants. I'll catch you crazies later!
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
18,January,2003
Current Song: 'Bout everything I have on Kazaa! Hmm...Blogger is boring. I'm considering getting a new journal. Hmm....only thing is...6 months of this thing and I don't wanna switch...you know what? Maybe I'll just get a new template. Yes...that should do the trick. Well, yesterday was boring. Extremely boring. Hopefully today will be a bit more exciting. Well, off to take a shower. C-ya crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
18,January,2003
Pour avoir beaucoup de penses...et pour tre incapable pour les exprimer. I have so many things on my mind. Only thing is I don't know what exactly. It's all jumbled together. And I'm so bored. Blah. The end, crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
17,January,2003
Current Song: Finch- Ender Hmm. Nice day. Wanting to go to Thrift Town. Just need someone to accompany me there. Haven't gone there in...well, quite a long time. Had another weird dream last night. Only last night was definately the strangest of the past three nights. Because it didn't make sense. Nothing fit together. I was at one place, then the other, then the other, and so on. All this stuff was happening and it just got so jumbled together. Hoping today is a good day. Wishing for great things to happen. Dreaming of even greater things. Mmmk, I'm outta here. Laters crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
17,January,2003
Current Song: The Clash- London Calling Ah. I'm so bored. Just thought I'd share that with you all. Have a nice day.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
16,January,2003
Current Song: Mary Had A Little Lamb Okay, Okay, so I was kidding about the song. Really. But I'm not exactly listening to anything...so why not, eh? What a crazy Friday. Not in a bad way though. Definately not in a bad way. Test in Alg 2....easy. Test in Chemistry...easy. Chair test in the hell band...easy. French...boring. So then I came home and took a 2 hour nap. Oh it was lovely. I'm still recovering. From it's greatness. Gah...gotta love sleep. :)*** Yes, and now I'm horribly bored. So I am gonna find something to do. Au revoir you crizazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
16,January,2003
Current Song: A New Found Glory- Hit or Miss It's funny how a person can think upon many things, but acts upon so few. Shouldn't something insightful produce action rather than thought? Just a *thought* that came to mind. Figured I should *act* upon it. I had the strangest dream last night. However, I don't feel like posting it for the world to indulge in, so if you would like to ask me about it, I'll probably tell you. K, nothing else to say. Bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye bye crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
15,January,2003
Ma vie ne peut pas tre dcrit dans le mots... Hmm...good day, as is becoming rather frequent. Remember back when a bad day was somewhat rare and out of place? I think my life is starting to be more like that again. Because I'm letting it. And because drama is overrated. Looking up quotes...it's rather fun. He who knows does not speak. He who speaks does not know. -Lao-tzu Jealousy is all the fun you think they had. -Erica Jong *Manda told me that one today...and isn't it so true?* The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. -e e cummings Man is distinguished from all other creatures by the faculty of laughter. -Joseph Addison *I'd have to say that man is distinguished my many more things than just laughter.* I adore simple pleasures. They are the last refuge of the complex. -Oscar Wilde Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self. -Cyril Connolly *Ahh...I love that quote. It's very true...and I think there are certain people who should think on that one.* You ask me why I do not write something....I think one's feelings waste themselves in words, they ought all to be distilled into actions and into actions which bring results. -Florence Nightingale *In a way, I suppose that's true...but words are a safe harbor to passive people.* You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance. -Ray Bradbury We do not write because we want to; we write because we have to. -W. Somerset Maugham Well, I'm done now. Au revoir crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
15,January,2003
Current Song: Ozma- Battlescars Hmm...another day. What to say...what to say. Whoo, I rhymed, go me. *yawn*...so much tiredness today. I've been wearing my contacts lately, and it's good, but it kinda sucks. Because I get to actually see my face clearer when i look in the mirror. Ugh...nightmare of breakouts. Well, and blau. 'My life is just swell. Fuck off.' That was random.......wow, I really am tired. I'm going to go...be productive...or something. Though I don't have anything to really be productive on. That's okay though...I'll just randomly walk in circles n such. I have the taste of vodka in my mouth. I don't know why. Kinda rather strange. Okay, enough rambly-bambly shit. Adios crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
14,January,2003
Current Song: None Ah....blah day. Started off good, and then I got home. And lately, life is repeating itself. 'Life isn't one damn thing after another...it's the same damn thing over and over.' Trying to figure out where I heard that quote. Yeah, so, had a family discussion...well, that is, my mom, my brother and I. It wasn't a happy family discussion either...it was a depressing one. Like ones I remember from about a year ago. When shit around here sucked. Gah, none of us know what to do anymore. I sure as hell don't know what to do. I mean, I tried a year ago to solve things, and it obviously got me back to square one. It's like...not in my hands. Sometimes it takes something seemingly bad to make things better. You know what it's like to see someone who has just wasted away life? Like someone that is just like a perfect picture of hopelessness? Doesn't someone like that just...make you so depressed? Just to see someone like that...it brings your heart down...it makes you just sink a little. What if you had to see someone like that every day? The same person just wasting their life away? It drags you down...and I am being drug down day after day after day. I can't live with that anymore. I just can't do it. Two years of it is enough to drive a person to feel that their own life is hopeless. It's like watching a depressing movie over and over and over and over and over. After a while, everything just seems completely hopless and depressing. I mean, wouldn't that melancholy repetition just get to you? Life should be a more pleasant balance...sure, drama is necessary once in a while, to keep a person interested. Anyways, the point I'm trying to get at is that being around such hopeless people all the time can have a horrible effect on a person. I wanna come home to a house that isn't a picture of such hopeless depression. And I want to be surrounded by people who are at least somewhat hopeful and optimistic. Gah, that's all the ranting n such for today. Very sorry...I just had to vent a bit. Adios you crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
13,January,2003
Current Song: Midtown- Become What You Hate Ahh, something great to share with you lovely people: urlLink Poor-Spelling Children Pay Dearly for 'Letters to Satan' And my most favoritest: As a reward for his insolence, little Stephen has ascended to the throne of Saudi Arabia. laters crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
12,January,2003
Current Song: Midtown- Like A Movie Well, good ol' Monday. Nothing much of importance ever happens on Mondays. Things to do this week: 1) Get my permit! 2) Abolish all stupid/ditzy people from the face of the earth. 3) Go to...that place...for...that thing. 4) Work out and go running and such...more than once. 5) Your mom. :-P 6) Have something interesting/important to say in here. 7) Not piss off too many people. Well, I'm off to go study or something. See ya laters crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
12,January,2003
Current Song: The Vandals- Cafe 405 Yes, I took out the Chatterbox. Sorry, but I enjoyed it until everyone decided to go and be really immature and stupid about it. Come on....grow up. So from now on, if you have a comment to say to me, you're gonna have to actually say it to ME. And if you wanna comment about anything in my blog, you're gonna hafta IM me or something. Well, not much else to say. I'm ungrounded! Hooray! Well, okay, off to go do something productive...au revoir you crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
11,January,2003
Current Song- The Vandals- People That Are Going To Hell Having faith is one thing...having faith in love is another. To have faith is to be blindly optimistic...to have faith in love is to have the faint hope for optimism. Laters crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
10,January,2003
Current Song: John Mayer- No Such Thing Humm Humm...I wish it was summer. I love summer. It's so wonderful...It makes me so happy. Like nothing can bring me down. And nothing can bring me down. This summer will be one to remember...I know it. I'm just so ready to let go of everything. I wish summer could last forever. And ever and ever and ever. Because then I'd be happy forever. I mean, every day like today, every gray, cold, depressing day lasts forever. I am sitting here wondering how to make it through today, let alone the rest of winter. It just seems like it never ends...and summer is all too short. I live in the summer, and in the winter I just die so slowly. I just got the inspiration to take my life and turn it around. How odd is that. It just sparked out of nowhere. This life I'm living...I don't need it anymore. I'm sick of hiding behind everything! I can't just sit here anymore...just sit here and waste everything away. Everything I used to be. I want to be everything I used to be, but I want to be more. I've grown dependent on everything that is ruining me, and it's time for me to let go. I've basked in misery for far too long. I'm going to be happy. I'm going to live and I'm going to love it. Well, enough rambling! Adios crazies!
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
10,January,2003
Current Song: Clint Mansell- Summer Overture Yay. It's Friday kids. And...I'm grounded. How gay is that. Today was pretty much a typical Friday...except for the school's LACK OF CHICKEN. Lunch is the highlight of my Fridays...and they have disappointed me. Me and Manda were quite angry. Did good on my French tests from yesterday and today. Sucked up my lesson. Came home and took a long and quite lovely nap. Then watched Signs. What a day. So much lack of excitement. Well, I'm off to...sit here. Au revoir you crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
09,January,2003
Current Song: Something Corporate- Konstantine '...and you tell me that it's over wake up lying in a patch of four leaf clovers and your restless, and i'm naked you've gotta get out you can't stand to see me shaking no could you let me go? I didn't think so...' '...then you bring me home cuz we both know what it's like to be alone and i'm dreaming in your living room but we don't have much room to live...' Well, today was again rather typical. But aren't they all. I'm really looking for something different in my life, and I'm just getting the same repetition. And I'm hating it. However, some good memories from the past are catching up with me, and I really enjoy that. Just getting that feeling again...it's nice. But I'm looking for more...I'm always looking for more. Well, computer is lagging so bad and I'm gonna go kill it now. Later crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
08,January,2003
Current Song: Queens Of The Stone Age- No One Knows Ahh. Typical day I suppose. Hmm...nothing to say really. Kinda funny how...boring I am. Bye bye more-exciting-than-me crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
07,January,2003
Fuck Optimism.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
05,January,2003
Current Song: John Mayer- Your Body Is A Wonderland Not a bad day. Back to school. Suckfest. Ah well, this semester is gonna be pretty easy. Hmm...feeling...very peaceful today. I'm just quite optimistic that things are going to take a turn for the better. I just have...this feeling. And God I hope it's right. Things are starting to make sense. Things are starting to get simpler. And simplicity is just perfect. I just want to be different. Cuz I'm not happy with who I am. There are times when everyone rushes in and tries to be the hero. And then there are times when you really need someone to save you. I'll leave it at that. Bye crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
05,January,2003
Current Song: Sugarcult- Pretty Girl Futant3: omg enough with the freakin quizzes haha...ouch.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
04,January,2003
Yay...quizzes quizzes! urlLink What Element Are You? brought to you by urlLink Quizilla Ok I'm done. Have a good evening crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
04,January,2003
Current Song: None Geez, I'm so happy. No reason at all. I just feel like, in light of everything...life works out. And, ya know, maybe it's just all in the way we approach our lives. If you don't expect anything good to ever come out of life, then nothing ever will. And if you don't have faith in yourself, then no one will. I know the feeling of faithlessness...it's empty and there's nothing to look forward to. But if you're going to have faith in ANYTHING, let it be in yourself. Because you've got control over that much. I am content. Catch ya later crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
04,January,2003
Current Song: Autopilot Off- Long Way To Fall Damn I am addicted to this song. Hell, I'm addicted to this CD. Today's a good day. I'm in a good mood. No reason really. I'm just optimistic...it's a nice change of pace. I've realized that...well...I wish I was just happy all the time. And I try so hard, but I never seem to be able to do anything about it. If I'm in a good mood, then it's pure luck. I don't like that about me...I wish I could just have more control. I'm slipping back in to old 'habits' lately, and it's kinda scary. I'm just scared to death that I'll end up really screwing myself over. And sure, there are alot of things I do that could screw me over, but what I'm talking about probably isn't what anyone reading this is thinking. If you're reading this, you probably don't even know. And that's probably for the best. I feel like I'm sort of talking to myself, and basically, I am, right? Haha. Oh well. But all that's okay, because NOTHING is going to ruin my good mood today. Bye crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
04,January,2003
Hey guys! Take our super quiz and find out: Does He Like You??? 1. You two are walking through the halls at school and a monkey flies by. He says: A) 'That monkey's cute, but nothing compares to your beauty.' B) 'I didn't know your family was in town!' C) 'Hey, did that monkey just steal my banana?!' D) 'I didn't know monkeys were allowed at school.' 2. The two of you are sitting at lunch eating mystery meat for the third day in a row. Your conversation includes: A) 'Let's ditch this lunch and makeout in the janitor's closet.' B) 'This meat smells like YOU !!' C) 'Hey, do you like see-food?'(At which point he proceeds to show you his chewed up food.) D) 'Is that a finger in my mystery meat?' 3. Aliens attack your school during third period. He is most likely to think: A) 'I must save my precious!' B) 'Take her, dear God, TAKE HER!' C) 'My family is here--I must return to Klyrp(or his home planet of choice)' D) 'Why couldn't this have happened second period during my math test?' 4. You dress up as a pig for his annual Halloween bash. His comment when answering the door is: A) 'Damn girl, you look good enough to eat!' B) 'I told you to dress up fatty! No entry without a costume!' C) 'Dude--pigs can talk!?!?' D) 'Hey, I wore that costume last year.' 5. As you're hurrying to class, you trip on a banana peel just as he's walking by in the opposite direction. His reaction is: A) 'I never knew you and food on the floor could be so erotic...' B) Conveniently, he's the photographer of the school paper, and doesn't waste time snapping pics as you lie in pain and embarassment--did I mention he's eating a banana...minus the peel? C) 'I told you that damn monkey stole my banana!!' D) Oh wait. It wasn't him walking by--it was someone else. Looks like you were daydreaming again. Results! Mostly A's: Start packing your bags for Paris, honey, he's in LOVE! Just a little advice: be careful where you put that banana! Mostly B's: Start writing that suicide note, fat ass! To him you're as insignificant as that banana peel on the ground! Mostly C's: Well, it looks like there could be a budding romance in the near future, as long as you don't mind living on Klyrp. If you want to be with him, take up psychiatry. Mostly D's: Looks like you're just another stupid girl taking a pointless quiz out of another retarded teen magazine about a guy who's not interested. Get a clue! This Quiz was made by: Becka Isbell, Rae Hendrix, and Shauna Zajac And if you just took this quiz, please go die.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
03,January,2003
Current Song: MxPx- Tomorrow's Another Day Sometimes what you really need is to know you still have people that care. In all of life's trials and disappointments, there is none too destructive or harmful if you have friends to stand beside you. And that is my life, for without those friends--and I do not speak so strongly of all of them, only the truest--I would have nothing. And I would be nothing. But I am much more than that. A bright future still awaits me somewhere, and as long as I have faith in that, then someone out there must certainly still have faith in me. 'One day can make your life. One day can ruin your life. All life is, is four or five big days that change everything.' -Riding in Cars with Boys Well, I just woke up and couldnt get back to sleep cuz I had a dream about snakes...and I can't go back to sleep after dreams like that. Yuck. Went to see LOTR last night...freakin owns. Get to clean today. How exciting. Well, adios you crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
03,January,2003
Current Song: Rufio- Stop Whining so close to no one that you care for cause you dont care its not worth it cant think straight so take your pill and stop whining so close your eyes and think of your lies behind the wall of innocence lost think of family and think of your friends think about all these thoughts will be gone when your dead dead always feel discomfort always feel alone well who cares about it cant find a good reason to stay here so stop whining so close your eyes and think of your lies behind the wall of innocence lost think of family and think of your friends think about all these thoughts will be gone if you really did want to end your life you'd be gone by now its just a cop out you cant pull through you dont know what to do you analyze it but you cant see straight you dont know what to think dont blaim your shit on me its getting older these days just keep on passing by please be alone so close your eyes and think of your lies behind the wall innocence lost think of family and think of your friends think about all these thoughts will be gone when your dead, dead I don't really have much to say. I'm pretty bored. And my throat hurts. Really badly. I really want to get out of the house today. Well...adios you crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
02,January,2003
Current Song: Maroon 5- Harder To Breathe Fuck it all.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
28,February,2003
Current Song: The Clash- London Calling ~~So there was this movie with these scary clowns and they got hit in the face with pies. And then there was random sex on a rollercoaster. Wait...maybe that was me. Oh, and did I mention all the heroin? Yes...splendid really.~~ There you go. If it doesn't make sense...please don't ask. So anyways, today was boring, and tomorrow will be relatively similar. As will the next day, and so forth until I die or something spectacular happens in my life. I'd kinda hope the latter...but I suppose I'll take what I can get. You know, it's rather sad that I'm losing faith in so much. I want to change that, but I feel so incapable. Mmk, well, have a nice evening crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
24,February,2003
Current Song: The Vandals- Oi To The World My life is an ambitious work of art turned to a worthless shame. Captured on numerous 8 1/2 by 11 sheets of a lost passion that was once so vibrant and lively, it has now become the vaguely remembered past of the lifeless being I have become. It was once the portrait of youthful aspirations, engulfed with loving support. My words were eloquent yet simple and touching, flowing from the heart of such an innocent child. But I am the anti-masterpiece; the once wonderful, now shameful prize that past supporters scorn for their foolish faith in something so disappointing. My 8 1/2 by 11 sheets of paper are tucked away painfully in cluttered drawers, out of the eye of the public, and hidden from a shattered, empty heart. My words once so beautiful are crude and lifeless, and are the meak attempt to rebuild an innocence that is far beyond repair. My soul is now the image of blurred and lost dreams; a work of art that the world is unable to love. Well, that's all crazies. Have a spiffy day.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
24,February,2003
Current Song: Allison Kraus- Baby, Now That I've Found You List of Hated Things: *Winter *Cold Weather *Cloudy days *Onions *Labels *People that brag *Self-absorbed people *People that fish for compliments *Couples that show constant PDA *Happy couples in general *People that know you aren't happy, so they rub it in your face how happy THEY are *People that copy me *Rumors *Close-minded people *Stupid f*ing whores that are soooo proud of how slutty they are *My house *90% of freshmen girls...because they are either all stupid, ditzy idiots or sluts...now, there are many really cool ones, but the majority makes me want to shoot myself *People that try to act ditzy for attention *My doctor *My orthodontist *People that think they are better than everyone else *Guys that even try to make you believe they care about more than sex *Band *School *TAKS, TAAS, or any other ridiculous standardized test *People that have to knock me down to build themselves up *Alot of life in general Well. That's a good bit of ranting. Catch ya later crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
23,February,2003
Current Song: Midtown- Become What You Hate Hey hey! Check out the bottom of by blog, crazies..... .... .... ... no, it's alot further, crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
23,February,2003
Current Song: Anti-flag- Die For Your Government Good day gone bad. I'm waiting for good things to start happening... ... ... ... still waiting... Well, anyways...today was nothing special. I wish school would be cancelled. What is the point of TAKS? It should die. Also, I want to move. I am so sick of Keller. It sucks. Mmmmmk, well. I'll catch you crazies later. I think I hear rain. ;-) Niiiice.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
23,February,2003
Current Song: Bad Religion- I Want To Conquer The World Odd Coincidence of The Day So Rachel and I go to Thrift Town and Sonic today, then drive around my neighborhood a bit. Here's the weird things: *The lady at Thrift Town points out that both of our totals are $5.06. *We order a few things at Sonic, but specify no sizes, and they didn't even ask. Our total: $5.06. *We are driving through my neighborhood and note that all the addresses are 400's, 500's and 600's. But there are no 506's. Anywhere. *We are at a dead end, so Rachel casually picks a driveway and turns around. I happened to glace down at the mailbox post. It was 605. Read upward: 506. *We also note that my address is 512. Half of 12 being 6. 506. Yes yes. Rather interesting little tidbit for you all there. Well, I'm off. Chase the 506's crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
22,February,2003
Current Song: Autopilot Off- Nothing Frequency Hmm. So many things on my mind, and yet so hard to say. I kinda feel like I'm losing alot, but in the end, maybe I'll end up gaining more. I think that all in all, the good and the bad in our lives can be justified in some way. I think that the bad we have to endure in life will only make us truly appreciate the good, that, in my case, is yet to come. I actually feel bad for people who never have to deal with pain and suffering. Because life will never be as wonderful and prized to them as it is to the people who know what it's like to lose. So, I guess that that makes me luckier than all of those people I've envied so much. I mean, sometimes I just ask myself how much more of this I can take before I'll break. The funny thing is that I'm growing a stronger independence. I'm just waiting for the big turn around. The one I just wish would happen. Well, g'night crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
21,February,2003
Current Song: Allison Kraus- Baby, Now That I've Found You Hmm...beautiful day. I woke up this morning and the sun was flooding my room so delicately, it was like I was still dreaming. Well, I'm going to go running. Seize the day, crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
21,February,2003
Current Song: Homegrown- Surfer Girl I think that slowly I've been losing alot of myself. I just have no one anymore. I don't think that I even have myself anymore. For some off reason I feel this sort of betrayal by everyone. I guess I'm just not really a people person. I guess I don't know who I am anymore. And I'm so sick of everyone. My family, my 'friends', you know, I honestly don't know what I'm doing anymore. Or even what I'm fucking saying right now. The only thing I can think of is how much I absolutely hate life. How I hate every aspect of it. And maybe that's sinning in some way, and maybe it's my fault, but I don't know what to change. I hate being like this. I hate how I am. I'm just done. I've got to stop relying on people, because I hate people. And by people I am encompassing just about everyone, give or take maybe one or two people, who I can't really even think of at the moment. Honestly, I'm so frustrated. I've just got to get out of this.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
19,February,2003
Current Song: Glassjaw- Tip Your Bartender I know that it's a common thing to look at pieces of someone's life and say 'I want to be more like that' or 'I want to try to handle that sort of situation like they did.' But do you ever feel that piece by piece, someone else is taking your life and making it their own. I mean, those little piece of your personality that make you who you are, are being used by someone else. Like they use your example, but they don't even acknowledge you ever. In fact, they may very well completely dislike you, but they mimic certain traits about you. Sure, seemingly childish jealous, true? Perhaps, but if someone were to take your unique character and make it their own...wouldn't you find that a bit upsetting? Proof that individuality is a game of trying to figure out who the true individual is. In most cases, it's usually not who you think. The one who flaunts their 'individuality' is usually the one who truly lacks it. A few thoughts to ponder. Farewell crazies.
739,687
female
17
Student
Cancer
18,February,2003
Current Song: Evanescence- Bring Me To Life I am listening to the best song ever. These lyrics...they are MINE. Unbelievably mine. How can you see into my eyes like open doors. Leading you down into my core where I've become so numb. Without a soul my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold until you find it there and lead it back home. Wake me up. Wake me up inside. I can't wake up. Wake me up inside. Save me. Call my name and save me from the dark. Wake me up. Bid my blood to run. I can't wake up. Before I come undone. Save me. Save me from the nothing I've become. Now that I know what I'm without you can't just leave me. Breathe into me and make me real Bring me to life. Wake me up. Wake me up inside. I can't wake up. Wake me up inside. Save me. Call my name and save me from the dark. Wake me up. Bid my blood to run. I can't wake up. Before I come undone. Save me. Save me from the nothing I've become. Bring me to life. I've been living a lie There's nothing inside. Bring me to life. Frozen inside without your touch, without your love, darling. Only you are the life among the dead. All of this sight I can't believe I couldn't see Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me I've been sleeping a 1000 years it seems. I've got to open my eyes to everything. Without a thought Without a voice Without a soul Don't let me die here There must be something wrong. Bring me to life. Wake me up. Wake me up inside. I can't wake up. Wake me up inside. Save me. Call my name and save me from the dark. Wake me up. Bid my blood to run. I can't wake up. Before I come undone. Save me. Save me from the nothing I've become. Bring me to life. I've been living a lie There's nothing inside. Bring me to life You people do not understand how that song is like MY song. I own it. Screw Evanescence...that song is no longer their's. It's mine. Those lyrics are like screaming 'Here's Shauna. Come and get her.' It's like the words I have on the tip of my tongue all the time. It's insane, crazies. It's just insane.