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AITA? My friends added another friend of mine who they don’t know into a chaotic group chat against my wishes
|
Ok, so for context:
I live in an insular community. Just about everything that happens on the island stays in the island, and everything that happens outside of the island stays outside of the island. That being said, I have a very close friend from off the island. Let’s call her M (17F)
* I am 17 years old, male
* D is 18M, a friend from my school. Very quirky, but we love him nonetheless
* R is 17F, my cousin (on this insular community she may as well be my sister)
* N is 19F, my sister, good friends with D
* A is 16F, another girl from our school
* J is 18M, another friend of mine.
* M knows me extremely well, she’s my best friend and we know each other extremely well. M knows R and N, but not to the point that I do
* M is the only one from off the island
* M does not know D, J, or A
* Many if these people are not my closest friends, but friends nonetheless. Not the people I would sit with at an event
* D often creates group chats that include R, J, N, A, himself, me, and many others.
* I was planning on asking another girl, C(18F) (she’s not relevant to the story) to our schools prom, but my mother had told M that I was going to ask her, which I had no idea. M texted me saying that she’d love to go with me because she hates her city, and loves mine. I say that will be taking her, because I’d rather explain to C the situation and take my friend to prom than tell me friend “No I don’t wanna go to prom with you”
* I asked D and A for advice the day the previous bulletpoint happened, after it occurred, asking where I should go from there. They came up with the same advice I had given myself.
* These group chats are absolute chaos. It goes from extremely personal about depression and suicidal behavior to A and J just spamming “epic gamer time”, “my peepee hurts” and “I’m gonna go poopoo”. About 45 texts are sent per minute (that’s an exaggeration, but it has gotten to that point)
Alright: here comes the juicy stuff
Last night, in the most recent group chat, D says that he’s gonna make a new one, because this one was getting stale, and suggests he should add M because he thinks they should all get to know her before the prom. I say that they should meet her, but not in a group chat, again because it’s very chaotic. D agrees
Earlier today, I get a notification on my phone. A new group chat (*hooray*). I check to see who’s in this one, because who wouldn’t, and who do I see but M. Of course I’m upset because this is exactly the opposite of what I wanted to happen. I text D, and he said that he did it because he thought they should get to know her before prom (me and M probably aren’t even going to be sitting with them at prom). I tell him that he went against my word, and he said that it would stink if she felt awkward at prom, but she also has the ability to leave the group chat if she wants. He also said that he talked to R and N about M, and that they agreed she should be added. We settle on “we’ll see what happens”.
Later on, J and A are in Houseparty (a Group FaceTime app) and I decide to pop in, as we do. Later I ask them if they know why D added M into the group chat, and A said that she and D did it when creating the group chat. I asked why, and she said why not. I explained that “why not” is because I explicitly asked the first group chat not to add M to the new one, and yet they did it anyways. All A could come up with was “it’s in the past”. I was soon whisked away by my family to eat dinner.
Later, D texts me asking is we could talk. I say sure, because that’s what friends are for. He then FaceTimes me for 44 minutes and about how it’s in the past, and how I’ve done things that hurt him in the recent past (we were all talking about our 8th grade class trip to Washington DC, and how we look back and cringe, I brought up how as soon as we walked into our hotel room D stripped down to his underwear in front of me and J, making me quite uncomfortable. Me bringing this up in the group chat was what hurt him. D also has a *long* history of being easily offended by things, we had a falling out for a year over me not wanting to be part of a YouTube group he created)
D explains that he can’t fix what’s in the past, I’ve been mean to him before and that I’m not taking M’s feelings into consideration. I explained that he should have looked at things from M’s point of view (being dumped into a chaotic group chat with a bunch of strangers, and three people she knows), and that not everyone can just be brought into something like this and be comfortable with everything. I also don’t really want to be thought as one of the people who spam group chats with “peepee poopoo”. I didn’t tell this last point to him, but he still went on about how I’ve hurt him, and I can’t see everything the way she can, but I know her closer than I know my sister, and D has never met M.
D also pointed out that A told him that she asked me if I was embarrassed by them before I hung up. I did not hear this, and while I enjoy their company, I can be embarrassed by them, but I never let them know because that’s a dickish thing to do. I tell him I didn’t hear her asking that.
D concludes the 44 minute call with “we shouldn’t be getting this upset about something as silly as a group chat”. I conclude that it wasn’t about that, more so that my friend went against my wishes.
Later on, after the phone call I talk with N, my sister. I explain the situation, she says that D did not ask her when he claimed he did. She agrees with me until I bring up the thing about our Washington DC trip, because I had also pointed out in the group chat that D has large nipple, and he said he was really hurt by that. N pulled a complete 180 and kicked my out of her room where we were talking.
So now here I am writing this reddit post. So what do you think guys, Am I The Asshole?
**TL;DR** Title
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WRONG
|
QVJmdqz7BZBa1uq1pldQU38tEj8f9LQl
|
aiydqe
|
{
"description": "reporting my teacher",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA for reporting my teacher?
|
My ethics teacher decided to put on the “documentary” ‘Climate Hustle’ in class, if you don’t know the documentary it’s basically about climate change and how it’s a hoax.
My problem is that a teacher should never share let alone push his political opinion onto impressionable students, especially an opinion as dangerous as this.
Now normally this teacher is pretty chill but I believe this has crossed the line, WIBTA if I reported him?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
APepSWJRrstuMHjPd8JQ7P1dkEsds9GQ
|
a51ub1
|
{
"description": "being a bit of a narc",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being a bit of a narc?
|
Sorry for the title, didn’t know how else to phrase it.
For context, I have a gas station I frequent for buying energy drinks after work. I had a long day, so I pull up in my usual spot, when I notice 2 guys hanging around the corner of the store. It’s dark, but they seem to be pretty young, I’m guessing below 18 for reasons apparent in a bit.
Before I even leave my car, the taller one approaches. I’m a 5’2 girl, so this obviously intimidated me a bit. I give him the side eye and he backs off, but when I get out to go in he confronts me and asks me to buy him and his friend a Dutch. I’m not a smoker of weed or tobacco so I’m clueless when it comes to things like this- admittedly he had to repeat it like 3 times before I even knew what he was talking about. I said no- he gave me a look.
Well, I told the owner of the convenience store. It’s dark out, on the edge of a neighborhood that isn’t so great. I don’t think they have any ill intent, but it’s kindof trashy.
He presumably sends them away and I get my monster energy. As I’m leaving, the two guys yell “Fuck you, bitch!” in my general direction. I’m a little heated after a long day and respond “Go make some money!”, and flash my lights towards them.
Now that I think about it, they were probably just too young to buy tobacco and not broke(their clothes were pretty nice), but I’m literally going to school for a criminal justice degree. Not gonna buy cigars for potential minors.
I do still feel bad about my outburst but feel justified at the same time- AITA?
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sj8qrFdnoSVwWFKt0OT5VbG9i72CSUoX
|
a4eqjj
|
{
"description": "not allowing a 3 year old to drink coffee",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not allowing a 3 year old to drink coffee
|
My nephew and his wife are living with us as we are helping him through college. We are paying their bill.
I came in the house and found her 3 year old daughter drinking coffee that her mother have to her. I toom it away and told her she was not to give her coffee in my house. She said i cant tell her how to raise her daughter. I told her that if i see someone being harmed in my house, i must stop it.
What say you all?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
JY28W4R7Eb2G4zbL4WFMi9s89mw7weSY
|
ad9rt0
|
{
"description": "limiting my daughter's contact with my grandfather",
"pronormative_score": 40,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for limiting my daughter's contact with my grandfather?
|
In March 2017 I was scheduled for an abortion after an unexpected pregnancy. I decided I would try to keep the baby last minute and told my grandfather. He called me to yell at me that I should paint my face black and stand in the WIC line because if I keep my baby I'll be a welfare queen. He said I have nothing to offer a baby. Those are the two things that stand out specifically after time has passed but there were other, hurtful things as well. I told him that I was under duress and did not appreciate him yelling at me, said goodbye, and hung up. He texted me to have a nice life.
I don't hear from him or his new wife (married one month after this incident) until two months after I have the baby. He shows up at my mom's house while I was there and I was very civil.
It's been about another year since I heard from him. My mom is urging me to let the past go. I refuse. He says he will not apologize because "it's how he felt." I'm not asking for an apology for his feelings, I want him to acknowledge that what he said was hurtful, racist, uncalled for, and untrue. Then I will talk to him again. Additionally, i dont want my daughter to develop the same relationship with him that I had - he was very harsh, critical, and judgmental. Not a person that I'd consider nice. Not a person my daughter needs in her life.
My grandfather and his wife requested that I send the baby up to his house with my mom today to collect Christmas gifts. I said no. My cousins, brother, aunt, and mom went up to do Christmas.
When they came back, my family (except my mom) said that my grandfather's wife called me a bitch when she realized the baby wasn't there. They gave the couple a framed portrait of all us grandchildren for Christmas and my grandfather's wife said she needed to cut me out of the picture to be complete.
Now, my mom said she needed to video my daughter opening the gifts to send to them. I said no, that I have no obligation to allow them to see her. I told her if my daughter was only allowed gifts at the expense of seeing them, then we don't need the gifts. I will not accept bribes or mistreatment. All of my life my grandfather has told me "I will give you x, y, z if you do a, b, c." His love was conditional and had to be earned.
I don't believe in conditional love of a child and I dont want to perpetuate this with my daughter.
So am I the asshole? My husband agrees with me and I feel just, but I dont know if I have tunnel vision from a hurt I should have let go.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
IHnkaKi37K4g0FnR1T3rBfaRvOYfAts3
|
a9wlp9
|
{
"description": "not wanting to bring my infant on a commercial airline",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to bring my infant on a commercial airline?
|
I have travelled extensively over the years for both work and pleasure, and I’ve found that a surefire way to frazzle travelers nerves is to bring a screaming or unruly kid on an airplane. My GF and I had our first kid 2.5 months ago and he’s the coolest wee dude I’ve ever met(doting father here). However, I have family in both Ireland and Mexico and my sisters both want me to travel to both places in the next year to visit. The Ireland trip is for one sister’s wedding.
I have been adamant over the years that I would never bring my kid on a commercial airline until they were old enough to have proper manners around other people. Now my GF wants the three of us to travel on a 10 hour flight from California to Dublin with a less than one year old. I’ve told her that she can travel with him all she wants but that I want no part in it. This obviously pisses her off but I really want to stick to my guns on this one principle.
So, am I in actual fact, the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
nZ5hCaV7SiRU7swqcJG2tMDYMDprlsoI
|
ainjc8
|
{
"description": "tricking my friend into thinking he's better than me when he actually isn't",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for tricking my friend into thinking he's better than me when he actually isn't.
|
My friend and I are playing Age of Empires. I've played the game for much longer and therefore I'm also a lot better at it than he is. Problem is he thinks very negatively about himself.
When we play against each other he looses and gets frustrated because he never wins. I feel for him, always having to lose and I've tried to play dumb just to let him win for once, but he noticed and didn't like that I did that. So we kept playing and he kept losing and kept geting frustrated, but now we get to the point.
In the game there's a way to activate handicap for players so it gets easier to play. So I activated it for him but not me and lo and behold; he actually won.
This made him real happy and proud, he rubbed it in my face and I acted along. I thought I did good, I just loved how proud he was.
Now later on, I'm starting to have this moral debate in my head wether tricking him to make him happy is actually worse than keeping it real and letting him get down when he looses.
So am I the asshole for tricking my friend?
P.S: Sry, Im bad at keeping texts short.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
UXGDSHbctdf5qVs6C0lnzmuJao55ZKUX
|
awwkdn
|
{
"description": "shutting down my friend's attempt to make me a charity case",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for shutting down my friend’s attempt to make me a charity case?
|
So I’m using the word friend in the title but in reality this person is more of an acquaintance; I’d help her move house if she asked but couldn't tell you her address off by heart.
Friday morning I was out and about shopping in town when I saw this girl. We chatted for a couple of minutes about life and moved on. The last time we saw each other was a month ago at a mutual friend’s birthday party, and don’t chat over text. I was staying at my boyfriend's that night, where I have a couple of changes of clothes as well as loungewear I usually change into when I’m there. I did exactly that when I got there about an hour after being out and coincidentally seeing this friend, and we stayed in all day.
The next morning I walked home via town since I needed to pick something else up. As ‘luck’ would have it, I saw this friend again (she wasn’t in any uniform and I honestly couldn’t tell you where she works so I don’t know if she was working nearby or something). The crux of this is that I was wearing the same trousers, shirt and jacket as the day before when I’d last seen her. This was because I frankly saw no need to wear another shirt or pair of trousers when I’d literally had them on for around 2 hours in total the day before, and they weren’t stained and didn’t smell. She didn't mention this during our 30 second ‘oh hello again’ chat.
The day goes on, and in the evening I get a message from a friend asking how I was and specifically if I was good for cash. I have a steady job and pay my rent and bills on time, and have never asked friends for money. I said I was and asked why, and was told that the girl I’d bumped into had put a message into a group chat she was in with a couple of others saying she’d seen me and I looked rough, specifically mentioning how I’d worn the same set of clothes twice in two days.
I wasn’t seething, but I was annoyed. I’m not a gossip, but don’t really like to be the topic of conversation in such a way, especially when there’s nothing to talk about. I sent the girl a message saying that I’d heard that she was worried about me, but there really was no need to be. I don’t like JADEing, so didn’t tell her about the fact I was in a different set of clothes for the day after she saw me. I got a reply from her saying that she was here if I needed her, and our friends would rally around me if I was in financial distress - she totally ignored me. I sent a message back being firmer and saying that there was no reason to be concerned, and that I’m a big girl who can handle herself, not that I needed to. I never got a reply back, but my friend who initially told me about it sent me a message about an hour later saying that the girl had only been concerned and I was out of line for slamming her down like I did.
In my biased view, I don’t think I was wrong in this situation. However, since I have a conscience and someone’s already reacted negatively I want to know if I am wrong and need to apologise.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
qlxgHZDDdn9t4Lr0Gf4yoyUuTqqARmfg
|
b1mdxj
|
{
"description": "getting carpool with two female colleagues",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For getting carpool with two female colleagues
|
Hi Reddit,
So yesterday I pulled up near the bus stop where I usually catch the bus to Uni. I checked my phone to see my messages and two of my female co-workers in our work group chat asked if anyone was in the area I was in and heading to uni (for context there is a group of around 20 of us that are pretty close as we are all early 20's and spend a lot of time together at work). I said that I was and I'd help them out with carpool (our uni has a three for free parking policy) that way I wouldn't have to catch the bus as it's usually pretty unreliable.
I didn't hide this from my girlfriend and I told her straight away and she seemed a bit off at first but didn't say anything so I didn't really think much of it. Later that night we had a massive conversation about how that's just not something that you do and that it can be seen as weird. I explained to her that I would never cheat on her or anything and that I was just helping out two of my friends but she still didn't feel good about it. I tried very hard to understand her point of view but I am still unable to see how it is a big deal. I asked if she was upset because she thought that I would be unfaithful or something and she said that it wasn't something that she was worried about. She just see's it as a guy shouldn't do that with girl kind of thing (she explained how she would find it weird if she did that with two of her close guy friends) where as my parents raised me in a way where I see no difference between guy friends and girl friends.
Am I the asshole here? Am I being insensitive? I don't just want to not do something because my girlfriend would get mad at me (she also stated that she doesn't want me to do this). Thanks
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Rf2FFyyM06rqFNHLWxBDB9eKU10O216i
|
b3i6bb
|
{
"description": "wishing my so was skinnier",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wishing my SO was skinnier?
|
First of all, I'm reasonably confident IATA here, but it would be nice to get confirmation. I dated this girl for a while, and she was great. You know, enjoyable to be around, fun to talk to, gave a shit about things. The reason we broke up actually stemmed from the fact that our personalities didn't really gel (I was/am a pretty sad person and she wanted someone who paid more attention). Anyway, she had been on medication for depression and it has caused her to gain some weight over the past year and a half or so. One day she kind of up and out of the blue asked me if I wished she was skinnier. I didn't think that there was any other option, and so obviously I said no. The thing is, I kinda did. I'd never tell her that, as its her body and she can do whatever she wants, but that didn't mean that it wasn't how I felt. AITA for thinking this super shallow thing and not putting enough emphasis on the other parts about her that I liked and were unarguably more important? I think so, but I want to know your opinion.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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RIGHT
|
VSzhehVXleh1kiEv7bNKBJyYG4uMU2Ta
|
aaygea
|
{
"description": "blaming my bf for spending New Year's Eve with his whole family instead of just two of us",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for blaming my bf (23M) for spending New Year’s Eve with his whole family instead of just two of us?
|
There are few things you should know before concluding.
1. Me (23F) and my boyfriend (23M) have our 2 year anniversary tomorrow. We live together almost from the start of relationships.
2. His mom works in another country and visits him twice a year. She has a flat in different city, so when she arrives, they meet and live there for the whole period.
3. His mom arrived yeaterday, and we both went to this city to spend some time with her.
The initial plan looked like that: we spend december 29-30 with her, then december 30-31 we go back and celebrate anniversary&New Year. After that he returns to mom for one more week, then she leaves.
Today it turned out that we stay.
He knows what an antisocial person I am. I can’t even have eye contact when talking to people, not mentioning absolute nonsense that comes out of my mouth in the minute of stress and willingness to kill myself when people in the room are too loud (that scares me a lot). He knows that tomorrow there will be 8 guests, and that’s a fucking lot for me. He knows that his family will never allow me to sit silently in the corner. He has really loud family.
So, when today I mentioned that we should leave, he gave me the sad look and said “but I had so little time with mum”. And then started to convince me that we should stay, because “I can’t do it like that, I can’t leave her in the New Year’s Eve”. With eight guests around, I bet she will feel so fucking lonely.
I cried the whole evening. I wanted to leave by myself, but he didn’t let me. Eventually, he agreed to leave with me, but I refused. I told him “anyway, the celebration is 100% ruined for me. Be with your family, and I’ll just wait for this to end”.
Now I feel like bitch, because I’m gonna totally demonstrate that I FEEL BAD HERE and he is the only reason why. I don’t want him to have cozy celebration. I wanted that day to be ours. I didn’t want to spend it in fear and loudness around. Still, I understand how hard is to say “no” when your mom looks you in the eyes and begs to stay.
AITA for blaming him and behaving like sad shit while I actually CAN emphasize and will not die because of one loud evening?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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aq9kdl
|
{
"description": "wanting my bf to cut ties with his ex fling",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting my bf to cut ties with his ex fling?
|
So my bf (26) and I (23) have been dating for a little over 2 years now and there has been this one girl, C (23), who he has been friends with for 4 years. They met through work and I actually worked with her briefly before as well, before me and my bf were dating.
Initial impression of her was that she was a little ditzy but super friendly and spiritual (as in horoscopes, crystals, tarot cards, etc.) I kind of always had a flirtatious vibe from her when it came to my boyfriend, but since she's so sweet, I figured it was just me and if I befriended her, maybe I'd see that is just her personality- or even better, she'd see her flirtatiousness bothered me and sorta just backed off out of respect.
Well, as you can guess, that's not the case and it's only gotten worse.
It started on my birthday. My bf and I ended my birthday night at her house because she was watching our kitty.. since it was so late, we (for some unbeknownst reason) spent the night. My boyfriend and I on her bedroom floor, her in the bed and my kitty at the foot of her bed. In the morning, my bf woke up and moved over to my kitty and cuddled with him -- ya know, what ever. But then I noticed she woke up and was just... gazing at him. She didn't see I was awake yet but she just kept looking at him with this stare that made me uncomfortable. As soon as she saw me, she jumped a little, got out of bed and offered to make breakfast.
I pushed it aside. As i tend to do with internal conflicts. I went out to get drinks with her, just the two of us, to try and bond (which she brought her friend with her to). Then she moves to Portland- YAY!
Then her birthday comes along and she invites my boyfriend to stay with her for a week in Oregon to visit. To be fair, I think we were both invited and planning to go ; however, something came up at work and I was unable to go.
He still did though... and the whole time I felt super uncomfortable. But I shoved it down and kept telling myself I trust him and it'll be a quick week. This made me uncomfortable because they had previously hooked up about two months before me and my bf started dating and I had already told him she makes me feel uncomfortable with how flirtatious she is towards him.
Honestly, the week was fine. I got through my anxiety and its over with now.. but then she moved back (cue the eyeroll).
​
To make things quick, I'll just start listing the other things:
1. She came over my house at 1:00am when I was sleeping because she needed to "Vent" to my boyfriend. He never woke me up, he informed me through a text message that I woke up to at 2:30 am -- where he still wasn't in bed yet so I knew she didn't leave much before I awoke.
2. My boyfriend and I got into a fight. He told me he was going to "grab a drink with a few ppl from work" when he got off at 6. Instead, I saw on her Instagram story that they were playing pool , went bowling, an he came home around 1 am. We got into a big fight about this after and during that fight he told me that if I think he's going to stop being friends with her for me, that I'm really mistaken and he's not making me stay around.
3. Last night we got into a stupid argument (truthfully I don't even know what about). He left the room, and about an hour later, I went into the living room and he's just chatting away on the phone with her.
​
That last one is really not a big deal.. but he knows that I don't like her, I don't trust her and I've had numerous times where I've expressed this to him.. I know they were friends for two years before we started dating.. but they were really just work friends besides that one time they hooked up and now she just randomly pops up. He has so many friends- guys and girls, and I just don't understand why he has to hang out with her and chat with her all the time. If they passed by each other, I'm not saying ignore her... but I just feel like their relationship isn't just friendly on her part and it really does make me uncomfortable.
After two years, I would just think he would .. idk put my feelings first? I've tried befriending her and I just feel like she takes advantage of it and I really have this gut feeling of her bad intentions. I really don't like her and I don't know how much longer I can stand seeing/hearing her name pop around.
​
AITA for wanting him to cut ties with her ? And what advice do ya'll have for me?
​
Thanks for reading everyone
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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qVSmCHhYuTzHat2j4pLFKwsV2Vo0vniQ
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b2j33l
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{
"description": "going on a study abroad against my SO's wishes",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I go on a study abroad against my SO's wishes?
|
I'm an American and a sophomore in college, almost a junior. My dream has been to do a study abroad at some point in my college. I'm someone who is privileged enough to be able to have vacation time with my family to various places across the world, and that is something I am forever grateful to be able to do. Its become a family tradition, as we've been doing this at least once a year for \~6 years. I love travel, and any time I catch a whiff of the next place we'll be visiting I try to immerse myself in the language, culture, and history of whatever country/region I'm going to. It's something I hold dear to my heart.
My girlfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. She's occasionally able to go with me on my family vacations and they're the fondest times I have; me, her, and my family all spending time together and making memories is a treasure to me. We miss each other dearly when she's not able to go, and it gets harder and harder to leave.
The problem; Next spring, I have the chance to study in Spain for half the semester. This is something I have always wanted to do. It's corny, but northern Spain has an almost mystical status in my mind because most of my family traces its roots there. I've been before, and the study abroad will be in a place where I've stayed (Oviedo, in Asturias). I meet all the requirements to go and it'd be an amazing experience.
When I told my SO, she was against the idea. She said that it would be a really long time away from each other and she hates the idea of me being away so long, as well as that she would worry for my safety. I agree with her and that I'll miss her, but this is an opportunity for me to spread my wings and experience what it would be out in the world as well as return to a place I have a lot of connection to. She says that she doesn't agree because I travel a lot anyways so I shouldn't go on the study abroad, and that I've already been. She's pretty adamant about not wanting me to go, but included that she does not want to stop me from going and will fully support me if I decide to study abroad.
(*Note:* I know it's common for couples to worry about cheating during trips like this, but neither of us are worried about that. We believe that it is our own intentions and willpower that matter, nobody else's. This is a level of trust we have built from scratch as we both came from really awful relationships).
​
TLDR; I'm torn between studying abroad for half a semester and staying home. My SO doesn't want me going because she'll miss me and feel lonely. I'll miss her dearly, but this is something I'm drawn to for the historical, educational, and cultural/familial value. WIBTA if I went on this trip?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
85ww3vSuQ2VH28wtYkmu844uWjsdXPUY
|
ahoics
| null |
AITA: My mother won’t drive 1.5 hours to have a birthday dinner with her son. (Asking on behalf of my brother)
|
(This just unfolded so I’m kind of asking this for my brother since I’m curious of the response)
My brother and mother both live 1.5 hours from me. (They live in two different cities) I told my brother about a restaurant that I really enjoyed where I live and apparently I made it sound so good that he decided he want to drive down tomorrow (Sunday) to go eat there for his birthday.
He told my mother about his decision and she wanted to meet somewhere more halfway rather than coming to me and she wanted to change the date to next Saturday. My brother really wants to go to this restaurant so I asked him what he wants to do. He still told me that he wants to come tomorrow.
Well this caused my mother to essentially throw an adult tantrum and told my brother that she doesn’t understand why it has to be tomorrow and why it has to be this restaurant. My brother even told her that he will go out with them next weekend but he still really wants to come down here tomorrow and eat at this restaurant.
The entire time I kept asking my brother what he wanted and I told him that I would do it next weekend but because it’s for his birthday I wanted him to choose what he wanted.
Are my brother and I being assholes for not catering to my mother?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
fL3AQrUwLgOPLhbAilVPl4fLnap9rJhM
|
b985ry
|
{
"description": "not telling an appointed the she is being cheated on",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for not telling an appointed the she is being cheated on
|
I don't know the girl let's call her Mary. Mary's. Dating one of my friends' friends. We do come together sometimes and chill sometimes go to bars. Mary is very affectionate publicly with her SO, they're constantly on top of each other but because she travels a lot for work and is often out of state she has the habit of bringing over other women and I only know this because he admitted to my friend. And I don't feel like it's my place to break the promise I made to my friend and tell Mary what was happing. I don't know if it's still doing it but they have started making plans to get married and even to have kids. should I just keep my mouth shut. am I an a****** for just trying to not get in the way of their happily ever after?
TL;DR guy shooting on this girl I know but I don't feel like it's my place to tell her what's happening
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
Xm38A3ArMr1VcCmscezaNHZ19d8jQcKS
|
9wtfef
| null |
AITA My Girlfriend used to lie ALOT, but recently she hasn't as much, but when she does i blow up
|
My girlfriend (of a year) would always lie to me, over big things small things anythings. But in recent months she hasn't as often. See once she started to lie and I noticed it I would politely ask her to stop lying. And I would do that for weeks. But she would continue without stop in sight. Then I would really start being more aggressive about it (nothing physical, not even close) with telling her how I'm honestly so insulted and disrespected and how I'm disappointed. And then she would just pout and not say a word for hours.
But even after that she wouldn't correct herself. From what I thought, I thought she just wanted pity and for me to forget it. ( I was raised on honesty btw ) Then she would jump right into it again. Then I threatened breaking up and the thought of such an action must have really worried her and then she stopped (btw in the middle of her saying sorry and apologizing she lied lol) but after all that she stopped for a little bit.
After a couple weeks she then lied about something small (how either she was serious or not about being rude to me. At first she said she was joking but like an hour of bickering later she said she was serious) and I blew up I was like " how could you?" And "you really don't care" all that kinda stuff. Am I in the wrong?
NOTE: She did say she lies because I blow up, but I only blow up when she lies?????? So I don't know.
And I did used to have a problem with Guilt tripping her but I am long past that. So I don't see how she could lie so much to me.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
5o4jC5aJgboFZ3Sgy17QWMikPTTRE29j
|
b2qgin
|
{
"description": "being uncomfortable for how close my BF is with our female friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being uncomfortable for how close my BF is with our female friend?
|
Okay so it’s a bit of a long story.
Me and my boyfriend are in the same friend group, there’s another girl in the group who ill refer to as Ellie from now on (not her real name).
Before me and my BF we’re going out he went out with Ellie for about a month, their relationship was pretty secret for most of it. I had a crush on him since before they were dating, but as soon as I found they got together i backed off, not wanting to hurt Ellie. I was still head over heals for him and it hurt a lot seeing him with her. After the news that they had broken up (A mutual decision as i was told) part of me was happy, the other part obviously not happy.
Ellie had known about my crush and encouraged me to try again, so after a month or two I decided I would. Me and my BF has always clicked and it didn’t take long before we were going out. I asked Ellie 190000 times if she was definitely okay with this. She insisted she was.
Now, nearly 6 months later I found out that while Ellie and my BF were talking, she had called him cute, and she suddenly wanted to hang out with him a lot more. Soon after I found this out, my other friend Lara (again not real name) told me that Ellie confesses to being jealous of how different her relationship with my BF was to mine.
NOTE:Ellie also has a BF but they have recently been fighting a lot.
Anyway I just feel really uncomfortable about them being so close, they’ve been friends for years and I obviously don’t want to come between that. I haven’t said anything to either of them.
When my BF told me about the convo where Ellie called him cute, I tried to brush it off quickly but I think he could tell it was bothering me and I feel like i’m being entitled.....
Am I being an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
1sFwWS7pE3GWuXSTRJJGDbVmmKEN9O53
|
aobeaj
|
{
"description": "refusing to cut my friends out for the sake of my relationship",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to cut my friends out for the sake of my relationship?
|
This happpened sometime ago, and since then it has been ''resolved'' trough both my SO and me meeting in the middle, but I was always really curious about wether his demands were reasonable or plain selfish
​
During highschool I made a group of friends (five guys and three girls including me and SO), they were also his friends since we all met in high school and went in the same classroom for three years. At the time I had a now exboyfriend (who was not part of the friend group) who was completely okay with me hanging around with my male friends, the ocasional hug, or meeting up for lunch etcetera, so I never percieved my behavior or 'closeness' to them as something wrong, we broke up before high school was over and a few months later I became romantically involved with my now SO who was part of our group of friends.
​
We all went to college , luckily we live in a college town so nobody had to move away, anyways, one of my male friends had applied to the same one as me so we were again, in the same classroom on med-school, he would ocassionaly give me rides home or we'd get together to study and it was all fine and dandy until I noticed my SO become more and more angry at whatever mention of him or our other male friends hanging out with me, keep in mind is not like we could've hung out together instead since he was very busy handling architecture school. He started telling me that although he trusted me, he did not trust his own friends, and that he did not want me to hang out with them anymore, I was shocked and flat-out refused which caused a lot of tensions on our friend group from there on, so much so he drifted away and refused to treat our friends the same way as before.
​
It's been three years, I didn't completely cut comunication with any of my friends but we went from getogethers every week to every two weeks or even every month, my SO skips them most of the time and won't treat our friends the same, he has given up on telling me to do the same but is generally annoyed when I bring them up in conversation.
​
So, AITA for not cutting out my previous very solid friendships for my SO?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
r3Td983dL4ZP7vRhygGWrDo5Ubs7IWi0
|
afhio1
|
{
"description": "not apologizing to someone who never showed up to practise with the band",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not apologizing to someone who never showed up to practise with the band?
|
Context: About a year ago I was taking a study in Rock at a peoples college, and one of our classes was basically the teacher arranging bands and we learned a song to perform based on a theme.
The theme for this particular project was "Glam", and it was a theme I had been looking forwards to since starting the semester, because I was looking forwards to playing "One way ticket" by the darkness, wich we ended up choosing after a meeting with one member not there, but he agreed over facebook messenger. Being a band of only four members, a drummer, a vocalist and two guitarists, it was kinda important for people to actually show up for practise, especially since our bassist had abandoned us for another group without telling us.
When we started practising the second guitarist was a no show, so I took the lead guitar role, since I already knew how the song went and how the solo went. The first session went pretty well, and everyone seemed fine with their role. The next session rolls around and the second guitarist decides to show, ready to play lead after having been misinformed that I didn't actually know the somg or the solo. I responded something along the lines of "what? Who told you that? It's the opposite" then I played the solo. "Besides, you wasn't even here last time". He reluctantly agreed to play rythm. That session went ok too, other than the fact that the second guitarist looked really bummed.
Later that night I was standing in the cantina to get myself some supper, and thinking that I should apologize to him for being harsh and for being kind of assholeish about wanting to play lead, as he HAD been moved to rythm and bass a lot recently. I was planning on saying something along the lines of "Hey, I'm really sorry for how I've been acting, but this is a song I've been looking forward to playing since starting here. Can't I just play lead this once?" when suddenly my teacher walks up behind me and pokes my shoulder and says "Second guitarist really wants to play lead guitar on this, you have to play bass." and without letting me come with my side of the story he walked away. That move right there, going to the teacher to lick me off lead instead of actually bringing it up, when he hadn't shown up for band meeting or the first practise sessions made me just not want to appologize at all. I decided to be the bigger man and play the bass without complaints.
Next practise rolls up, with the deadline fast approaching, and I'm there playing bass. The guitarist didn't show up. The deadline comes up. Guitarist is a no show. We get it post poned, and he promises to come, but surprise surprise, he's a no show.
TL;DR: A band with four members, one doesn't show up for meetings/practise, I was a bit of an asshole to him for pushing for a song I liked, he agrees to play rythm, then goes to the teacher to take lead, pushing me to bass, then doesn't show for the rest of the practises.
My question is, was I right for not apologizing? Or did that make me even more of an asshole to him?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
SIkpt4LtifY0Nf9N4O8T4CcAlrL40iBO
|
a9czc6
|
{
"description": "avoiding new leads in dance socials",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for avoiding new leads in dance socials?
|
I dance WCS, and I prefer to dance with more adept leads because I like having complex patterns thrown at me for me to follow. It forces me to improve. I am a strong believer in "it's better to dance than to not dance," so I will \*never\* turn down a dance no matter what. However, I tend to avoid the newer leads so that I can continually continue (heh, redundant) to improve in my dancing. I have my first competition in January, though, and it just hit me that there is a chance I will get a lead less adept than I. I feel really bad now; I feel like I should've practiced dancing with the newer leads more so that I can be better at adapting and focus more on super styling the basics. Maybe I'm overthinking it also, but I'm not sure... AITA? Please don't hold your tongue. Also worth noting, I try to dance with \*everyone\* in socials, but I usually always seek out the adept leads as a priority.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
UgGzRQNyXiLJahStAgFI7ruYFsSppOIA
|
agrmpu
|
{
"description": "telling my wife to stop kissing me when I'm in a bad mood",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For telling my wife to stop kissing me when I'm in a bad mood?
|
She has a habit of wrapping her arms around my neck and giving my cheeks and lips machine gun kisses whenever she sees me upset. Its beyond annoying especially when I get home from work and am having a bad day.
So the last time she did this I told her "Stop." and she asks me why and says that she can kiss me whenever she wants. I stiffen up and pull away and yell at her to stop kissing me as I'm in a bad mood.
She is taken back by this and says ok sorry but later when we're getting ready for bed she starts crying and says I'm being very unloving and cruel to her. She doesnt understand why I hate her touching and kissing me so much. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
L3XQkFfu4v02dqY6fx9iCslr1E6l5K4m
|
am23wk
|
{
"description": "being worried about what I said",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA I am worried about what I said (trigger warning)
|
So I’ll give you some context. I am a depressed kid that goes to middle school in the middle of nowhere, my depression is reasonably severe and I have got to the point where I harm myself and this has caused me to have some scars on my upper arm. Now I my friends have overheard me talking to someone else about this and they found out about it and instead of hiding it I just told them because it was easier. Now where I live it is hot all year round and I have to wear a jumper to hide the scars and today it was really hot and I had to do physical education out in the middle of our oval which was in full sun. Now you may see the problem, quick recap I have scars on my upper arm, my friends know about this and I have to wear a jumper it hide them.
So at the start of the lesson I was talking to one of my friends about this and he was making jokes like”why have you got the jumper on? Why don’t you take it off? I am very awkward around people even my friends and so I don’t really do anything about the teasing. The lesson goes on and he talks about how it isn’t a big deal, to me it was and I was trying to explain to him that I am very anxious about people finding the scars. We eventually get to the topic and he says “why don’t you just stop? It’s not that hard, just be active go outside!” And then I started to explain to him it was an addiction because it releases endorphins ( as far as I know, don’t quote me on it) and it was my way of coping with my family member recently dying. Now we go on and we get into an argument about this and I get quite mad because he starts being really disrespectful and I say “who knows more about this? Me or you?” I feel really bad for saying it because a while ago I realised that you can never know what people have gone through and I feel really bad about saying this and then he goes on about how he knows better and that he had fallen off bikes and skateboards and so he knows about scars and stuff.
I feel really bad for saying it but I feel it was provoked by what he said. I don’t mind what answers i get, I would really appreciate any perspective anyone has on this. Thanks
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
3IodJJ0ZbuRsawG8l7vPhDkyO4sDMrld
|
ait1zx
|
{
"description": "blowing off my friend on an assignment I said I would do a day before exams",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for blowing off my friend on an assignment I said I would do a day before exams?
|
So me and my friend are trying to boost our mark with a make up extension for the course. It consists of 5 parts, which I would rank in difficulty as 5, 3, 2, 4, 1. I did my part of 2 and 3 well before it was due, while my friend was studying. On the last day we had with our teacher, I went and asked them to help with four and five, and for some reason even they weren't able to figure it out despite working it out for a solid hour. At last they dismissed us and told us to finish at home despite not helping whatsoever.
At this point me and my friend were freaking out, a day till exams and this stupid assignment that we had no clue how to do. We called for 3 hours trying to solve it, and at the end we finished it by my friend telling me to work out part 4 and 5, and check his first draft of 1. Of course this was unreasonable, we have the same exam on the same day and he was putting an unfair amount of work on me so I declined. He got very angry, and blocked me after I told him to quit it and just submit what we had for partial marks. That's not where the issue was. About 4 hours later my friend contacts me again and says hes done the rough draft of part 4 and 5 and 1. He just needed me to check it out. Now the issue arises. As it is 10 and I have about 1 day from then to study I told him I would do it later and worked before sleeping. In the morning I studies and worked, but not on the makeup extension. I simply didn't have time and didn't give it priority of my exam studying. However, the whole day I didn't do it, making it clear it was simply not a priority and that I needed to study. The problem is, he definitely spent at least an hour working the project out on his own, despite his need to study, and since I declined, the work would go to waste. With only hours left, he has been pestering me to finish it, and looking at it, it seems a mess, although I did have the whole day to work on it. I can guaranteed he spent a lot of time. After me complaining about how messed up it was, how he gave it to me just a day before exams and how hes asking me to redo it to make it neater, he has blocked once again saying all I do is complain.
I originally thought I wasn't the asshole here, but thinking about it, the guy spent an hour on the project while he needed to study, while I gave up quickly. Also, I did tell him I would fix it in the morning, despite never doing it. I definitely could be in the wrong here, and I only hope to learn from my mistakes and understand who is in the wrong.
Thank you to anyone who can help.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
k1INiOxcY2jXiOveVoRPGgFtYNQ9f6GU
|
a8df0g
|
{
"description": "wanting my adult boyfriend to get braces again",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for wanting my adult boyfriend to get braces again?
|
My boyfriend didn't wear his retainer after getting his braces taken off so his bottom teeth are fairly crooked. It's not a deal breaker or anything but I'm wondering if even thinking that he, as an adult, should get braces again is bogus of me. So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
vdoEoOxrLaWr61CmSAJQOKLg8mlb0zKF
|
9z1qsv
|
{
"description": "wanting my cousin to pay the same amount of rent as me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my cousin to pay the same amount of rent as me
|
My mum and I (20m) have had our own little place, a 2 bedroom unit to be exact, and for about two years my Aunty and cousin (19m) have had to stay with us, not exactly the most comfortable living arrangement.
My cousin and I sharing a room with him on a mattress on the floor, and my Aunty on the couch, whilst our living situation hasn’t been pleasant and plenty of arguments from time to time, I still have to share everything with him and gotta be relatively mindful of each other, as I work the most hours I chip in for most of the rent and my Aunty pays for her and my cousin, which isn’t too fair on her so I get him a job with me to maybe make some of his own money and ease it on Aunty, long story short he basically quits after 4 months and lives off his Mum again, which is incredibly annoying because it now means I can’t buy food without having to buy him something as well, drinks and cigarettes I gotta share as well (which is pretty expensive in this country) and he lives an easy life playing PlayStation all day, leaving his rubbish everywhere and basically trashing in what’s supposed to be my room
He manages to find another job which also long story short he ends up getting fired from and we’re back to square one, never having money, never helping out with chores despite having all this free time, not even remotely worried about another job, and me sharing what I can with him. Well one day we have a drama and ends with me being too uncomfortable to share a room with him so I just start sharing a bed with Mum for a couple nights just til I can bare looking at him again, only to find out he’s rearranged MY room to how he wants it and assumes that it’s now his room, I don’t have it in me to put a fight with him so I let him take the room and now share a bed with my Mum which is of course not ideal at all for either of us
Fast forward to last month, my best friend found him a job, a really well paying job, $2000 a week kinda money, which is great for him but I’m fed up of having to share this two bedroom unit with two extra people who were only supposed to stay here temporarily, I suggested he could find him and his Mum somewhere else to move, which they don’t want to do for some unbeknownst reason to me, living so cramped is ideal for nobody nor are we saving money like what was initially said prior to them moving in as we would be splitting bills, which turned out not to be the case finding out my cousin only has to pay $100 a week; gets the same ammenities, the bigger room and does nothing at all to help out around the house (I started taking photos of messes he makes and leaves for everyone just as proof to show him he does shit all)
Upon hearing how much he has to pay in retrospect to my $300 a week on a MUCH lower pay rate than his, Ive told him I want him to pay equal to what I pay as I feel like I’m getting the short end of the stick by miles, we haven’t come to a resolution but some reason he and his Mum are seeming to kick up a fuss about this, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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YOjPNPeS5RiN6Gd1A7gLxmtBLnKkfrnA
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9wh7x3
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{
"description": "being annoyed when my sister who lives with me invites friends over to my house",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being annoyed when my sister who lives with me invites friends over to my house?
|
My sister, her husband, and their two kids live with me right now as they just moved here from another state. It is a temporary situation until they can find a house, but it is likely they will be living with me for several more months. My husband and I have a 7 month old baby and though we are not complete introverts, we are not the type of people that frequently have people over and we are often exhausted from working long hours and taking care of the baby.
I came home one day to a random girl in my house, and my sister said, "Hey, this is 'friend'! I invited her to come hang out. I hope that is alright!" The girl was super nice and sweet, but it just made me mad that my sister invited her over without asking. I decided to let it slide, but this girl has started coming over more frequently and my sister has made mention of potentially inviting others. They are never loud, but she has slept over about 2 times now because she drank too much and while I would never want anyone to drive intoxicated, I wish she and my sister would make plans so she could get back to her home at the end of the night.
My home is large (5 bed, 3 bath), so we don't feel too cramped with 4 additional people living with us, but it bothers me that my sister doesn't understand that inviting people over is an imposition. I don't know if I am being an asshole because 1) as I mention this girl is super nice, and 2) I want my sister to be making friends in her new city.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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2NxbFfywW7VGinmMtFqE1naYLz4D8qoD
|
9x7a0e
|
{
"description": "giving out a fake number",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for giving out a fake number?
|
alright, so for a bit of background, i’m in a theatre club. there was a halloween party for said theatre club and i attended. i was pretty uncomfortable since i didn’t really know anyone, and this girl came up to me. she seemed nice enough but after like 5 minutes of talking to her things got kinda weird. she’d force me to watch youtube videos with her and got really angry and defensive when i politely declined. she kept following me around to show me her “fandom” videos, and i kept politely declining. i’m pretty sure she was autistic (not that this is a bad thing, i’m undiagnosed but i might be autistic as well. i’m also adhd so i’m absolutely sympathetic towards neurodivergent people like myself.) and she really did not get the hint. the night went on and she kept bothering me and i wasn’t having a good time as it was so i just kind of left.
fast forward to a couple weeks after the party... tonight, actually! i’m in play rehearsal and this girl recognizes me from the party and she clings to me again. once again, she tried to get me to watch these stupid fucking videos and blatantly disrespecting the play director by talking over her and trying to get me to be distracted. i wouldn’t budge because i wanted to be a good listener. she’d also start touching me in weird ways like running her fingers through my arm hair (weird, i know) and fidgeting with my belongings which made me super uncomfortable. i told her to stop and she did, but she was still just... super weird. she’d also whisper things to herself that i presume were about me, and when i asked her what she was saying she would say “oh it’s nothing” which was so fucking aggrevating. one of the staff noticed this and he was like “hey why don’t you come sit over here with me?” , which... god bless this man.
anyways, after rehearsal she asked me for my number so she can send me a playlist of more of the videos she wanted to show me. my phone was blatant and i couldn’t say i didn’t have a phone, so panicked and gave her a fake number. i feel kind of bad about it because i geniunely thing she didn’t understand the cues that i didn’t want to talk to her. i don’t want to look like a bitch or anything. i actually told my mom about the scenario, and she lowkey got super pissed at me. so am i the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b2g88x
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{
"description": "breaking up with someone after they completely supported me for 3 years",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 43
}
|
AITA for breaking up with someone after they completely supported me for 3 years?
|
Hello. I started university at 28 after some injuries left me unable to work in my previous job. I started dating someone who already had an established career. They basically let me focus only about school so I finished it in 3 years. I found a job after that and started working right away. Pretty quickly after I was more independen, I started to not be attracted to the person I was dating. I broke up with them after three months of feeling like this. They basically told me that the only reason I dated them was for their money. On some level I think it might be true, but am I an asshole for that?
Random things:
Never cheated or anything like that
They took it pretty hard
I didn't really try to work on it, just broke up and I felt pretty happy
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
vkO5R2ePHfDU5xNhNbidsu71boDNQ59P
|
b871sk
|
{
"description": "not selling our car to friends",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not selling our car to friends?
|
So we have been renting our basement to Nancy.Nancy is a friend of my wife's and they work together. Nancy asks if her husband Dale can move in with their dogs for a newly negotiated rate. This was a few weeks into the tenancy. We agree on a rate for the increase in utilities, and Dale moves in with the dogs.It is noteworthy here that Nancy works contract positions all around the country. Generally, Dale will stay home while Nancy does this. In this new arrangement, Dale will continue to live here for the newly negotiated rate when Nancy leaves to do her next contract.
Nancy has some trouble with her car, I help to fix it, but she insists on taking it to the dealer instead. For three weeks I help Nancy out with rides to work, its a minor inconvenience but it works with my schedule so its not that big of a deal. For the last week, my wife and I suggest that they borrow our third car that we have been trying to fix up and sell. Its a great car, just has some oil pressure problems we've been working on diagnosing, so I make sure Dale knows what to do. They get the car back, and we ask them if they want to buy our car for about a third of KBB. It's taking up space and costs of insurance so we want to get rid of it. They indicate they do. From this point forward, Dale borrows our car frequently to run errands. They haven't made any downpayment and we still pay the insurance for it.
2 months later, we ask them if they are still serious because we are considering selling it. They say they are, but they don't have the money, and tell us to "do what we need to do."
We decide to list it on Craigslist, this was 4 days later. I ask Dale for the keys and tell him we are selling it. They are surprised. Nancy is upset and tells us that she thought the plan was that she was going to title it in her name, pay insurance, and make payments to us. I didn't know this, but she had a conversation with my wife where Nancy suggested this plan and my wife told her "We can talk about it." Needless to say, we don't like Nancy's plan, and indicate that we would rather just sell the car, payment in full, and be done with it.
Nancy then tells us that Dale and the dogs will need to move out when she goes to her next gig because the arrangement was contingent upon us furnishing a vehicle for him to drive while he stays with us, since they were going to buy our car. Additionally, he needs this vehicle because they have a dog with a serious medical condition and he needs to be able to take this dog to the vet. I was unaware that the terms of their tenancy were dependent on us providing him with a vehicle, and personally I feel manipulated. I also think its sick that they would hold the well being of this dog over our heads like some bargaining chip.
Am I(we) the asshole(s) here? Ask away, I had to omit some details due to character limits.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
wOG2jRxXwicZbSRogseCEPp4NOoo12bJ
|
am5u62
|
{
"description": "watching my brother's wife while she cams",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for watching my brother's wife while she cams?
|
My sister in law does web cam shows for money while she stays home watching her baby daughter.
Honestly she is a really attractive woman and whenever I see her in person I can't help but to stare at her.
I found out a while ago she does cam shows for extra money. I was so curious I had to see for myself and wow she has an even better body than I thought.
Anyway, I wanted to support her by giving her a tip/donation, but I fucked up and my real name was exposed. My brother and his wife found out i've been watching her shows and they have not stopped calling me. I havent spoken to them since because it would be awkward.
TLDR: Been watching my brother's wife's cam shows and they both found out.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
e1Syhs3b10Ew1XBvi1cvoDkT5lGCCXYm
|
atm15e
|
{
"description": "ending a friendship with someone over how they treat their dog",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for ending a friendship with someone over how they treat their dog?
|
I reconnected with someone from high school recently and I’ve been to their house a few times since then. He has a dog that’s a little over a year old that’s crazy (runs around, jumps on people, and teethes on people all day). I’ve seen him kick (not too hard) hold the dogs mouth closed for like 20 seconds to the point that it whimpers, and fake like he’s going to smack it and that’s in my very limited time around him recently. My old friend says it’s because the dog is so crazy and he has to teach it, but my opinion is that dogs are crazy when they weren’t trained, and it’s no ones fault but his. I can’t trust anyone who treats an animal like that, so I told him I won’t be around anymore. He said that I’m ridiculous for choosing his dog that I have no connection to over a friendship. He, and other friends, think I’m being an asshole, but I disagree with them
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
pSkYZuq1KGbeU9K56qi60Z9s4ugc8Yiz
|
b1umdj
|
{
"description": "not wanting to help my mother in tech-related topics",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to help my mother in tech-related topics?
|
First of all, sorry if I'll be hard to understand in certain parts, english isn't my first language and I'll try my best to write understandable sentences.
Now, every time my mother (let's name her Nina for this post) calls me over to help her on any kind of tech related topics, there is always a wave of reluctance coming over me.
To note, Nina is always a really loving and caring mother, and isn't too slow on learning things. Not for tech tho. She's actually one of the most tech illiterate person I've seen. For a more recent example, she asked me to help her transfer files and settings from an old smartphone to a new one.
In the beginning, everything went smooth. I've downloaded the transfer app on both phones, connected them and started the transfer while my mother was watching. So far, so good. She understood everything and started entering her data into the text boxes, but afterwards the frustrating part for me started.
She began to get confused on every single bit of text boxes that popped up. When I try to answer her questions on what those are she constantly snatched the phone out of my hands to click on buttons herself. And after she clicked on something that sets settings in a way that she doesn't like, while not reading anything properly, she starts to get frustrated.
When I told her to slow down and listen to me, she only got more frustrated and claims that I'm either not explaining anything properly or the phone is at fault, while clicking on anything more frantically and wondering why everything isn't working. This got me more frustrated as well, where afterwards I told her that this always happens and this isn't fun for me. I also told there that I'm considering to not help her with tech anymore, whereas she responded that she has a right for help from since she always helped me in anything for free in life. After we finished this small fight I continue to wrap up the setup of the phone and move on.
Now, this was a rather specific example, but this is how it goes on any tech topics in general, may it be a computer, TV or router. Also, it isn't fun how she simply expects me to do things for free. I don't really expect any big compensation, but having the feeling that she is actually thankful for my time would be nice.
Besides that, Nina is always a loving mother and I really don't have any problems in helping her. But if it goes about tech, I really don't want to help her because of how I know it will go.
So, AITA for not wanting to help my mother with tech?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
4IAtvl3ay44kF7Pz7Z8CTfhTT8oZGMtN
|
alw8ii
|
{
"description": "getting pissy over feeling like a live-in maid for my parents",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting pissy over feeling like a live-in maid for my parents
|
Me and my sister are 20 (almost 21) and 22 y/o. We still live at home with our parents and 2 younger brothers (13 and 11). I pay rent every month to live at home since i no longer attend school (even when i went back to school briefly they insisted i continue paying--theyve come to rely on my rent payments for income), my sister is in school full-time and does not.
TLDR HERE BECAUSE I RAMBLED IM SO SORRY: parents are forcing my sister and i to clean up after them and our brothers, despite contributing nothing to their mess. We went along at first but then they started complaining. Weve been asking our brothers for help the odd day and now theyve given us shit for that as well. We feel like were being treated like shit and like live-in maids. Our dad who does no housework is the one complaining of our efforts the most and now, after nearly a year of constantly hearing his complaints, were at our wits end and ready to snap. AWTA for feeling this way?
So, over the summer, my parents decided my sister and i dont help out enough around the house. We dont help out much because we honestly just sleep here, we dont hang out, cook, nothing. We just need the beds. We dont contribute to the mess in the house any since when we are home, were in our rooms. They told my sister and I were responsible for the kitchen (the messiest area of our house since its the Local Dump for everything) 2 days a week each (4 days combined). At first i was like, fine, i can do a load of dishes and wipe down the counter, thats fine. Their house, their rules. They gave us a basic list to do (dishes, counter, sweep). Fine. I got it done as did my sister.
Then they started complaining. We didnt do the recycling. We didnt take out the garbage. We didnt stay home all day to keep doing multiple loads of dishes. We didnt wipe down [insert counter area thats not part of the main breakfast bar]. Theres crap on the table. The floor wasnt swept.
Recycling has always been my youngest brothers job, that hasnt changed in like 5 years. The garbage fills after dinner and we arent invited to dinner 9 times out if 10 so we dont check it at 7pm at night. We sweep but then my dad and brothers walk through the house with their shoes and boots on and track everywhere. The crap on the table is shit we dont even know what to do with like homework that needs signing, old assignments, rep baseball notes, and bills.
Thats when my sister and I started getting pissy. We're their daughters, not their maids. We're cleaning up after everyone BUT ourselves (their main arguement for us helping out is that 'some of the mess has to be ours' and like i said earlier, we really just sleep here). We're being treated like shit without even a thank you (something we always give our mom if she even just passes us something we accidentally dropped like a sock when were doing laundry). Im paying rent AND CLEANING THEIR HOUSE. We go for MONTHS at a time without groceries so i dont even get the perk of 'well theres food'--and its not because they cant afford it, they cpuld afford ordering in multiple times a week to avoid grocery shopping, they were just too fucking lazy to go to the grocery store thats a 5 minute drive from ohr house. I even offered to go for them, they could deduxt the bill from my rent and they said no.
When they do cook they coincidentally only ever make enough for themselves and my brothers, not me or my sister (id understand if it was something i didnt like, like tacos. But they made pasta one night and thats the EASIEST THING TO MAKE EN MASSE. I do it and when i do, out of my own pocket, i feed fuckin EVERYONE IN MY HOUSE. Then i clean up after myself. My parents? Nope. Including the clean-up part.). The odd time there are leftovers, if my sister and i dont run to the kitchen like vultures then everything gets claimed for somebodys lunch the next day. If we eat too much (read: enough so we arent hungry again an hour later) then theres been times weve been yelled at for eating somebodies lunch pre-lunch claim.
My sister and i jointly decided that wed do the dishes once (full load and unload--and we can pack that bastard tight!) plus load anything else thats lying around, but if the washer isnt full we arent wasting water to run it. Clean off the breakfast bar (includes scrubbing the counter everyday to get bits of dried food off it). And if the floor needs sweeping, then sweep it. We have a mini recycling bin under the sink, all recycling goes in there until our youngest bro takes it out at some point (he often forgets though). We arent maids, but we will help out because if we dont then it ALL falls on our mom who works 2 full time jobs (my dad gets home from work and goes to the basement, resurfaces for dinner, then back to the basement. He doesnt lift a finger around the house and is very old fashioned that 'girls are in the kitchen and do the indoor work, men do the hands-on work and outdoor work'--which gives him leeway in the summer when hes fixing the house, mowing the lawn, whatever but its winter right now and we have a mini plow, he does our driveway in 10 minutes if hes slow. If he actually broke up the ice on our driveway once a month then, fine, more leeway but he doesnt. We have at least an inch and a half of ice and compressed snow (which will turn into ice very soon). He wont even buy ice salt! My point being the jobs he does do, he half asses.)
Now,theyve given me and my sister shit for asking our brothers to help. We never give them 'big chores' (ie loading AND unloading the dishwasher) and we usually do it if we're busy, extremely tired (my sister stays up late studying (last semester of pre-law), i get extreme fatigue from my periods), or not feeling well. The exception being if they made a big ass mess from their breakfast, we dont deal with that and tell them to clean it up on their own (since they shouldve that morning). We dont ask for help every week either, maybe twice a month for a high guess. Then my dad drove home the point as he, my mom, and my brothers, were eating dinner that, once again, they didnt make enough for me, that its an all-day thing. I looked around and saw a mess that was NOT there when i had ALREADY CLEANED THE KITCHEN and just said fine and walked away.
My sister and i are beyond pissed that theyre treating us like maids--honestly, worse than that because at least a maid gets PAID! I do the OPPOSITE of getting paid! I dont even get $5 off my rent for doing a 'good job' (something i know does happen irl as my friends and former coworkers have had such tiny discounts at rental homes). Were ready to storm the damn castle.
Are we TA for feeling this way? 'Their house, their rules,' we feel can only excuse their treatment for so long.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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nS9UKcIXbwcn2fjp7KMDDypt1X8kfB5H
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b0hsxi
| null |
AITA- Guy I Like at work
|
Okay so lot of backstory on this one sorry in advance.
Last summer I got out of a four year relationship. Even though I was the one who broke up with him it still hurt me a lot. A few months later I rebounded with a coworker (I work as a line cook and he works front end as the bartender). We dated briefly but he wasn't very nice to me and broke up with me via snapchat text while I was traveling outside the country.
Well through this whole drama and because we were generally compatible I became really close with another coworker who works in the kitchen with me and happens to have the exact same name as my bartender ex boyfriend and still coworker. Well my fellow kitchen coworker broke up with his long term girlfriend last fall and I've developed a really big crush on him.
On top of that my friend who works in the back of the kitchen is really close with my best friend. They went to high school together.
I told my best friend that I liked our mutual friend, my coworker from the kitchen, and he said he'd really prefer it if we didn't date, or hook up or anything. But I really like him and we're really compatible.
Am I the asshole for still going after him after all this? Or for wanting to date another coworker who happens to have the same name?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
OvBBL2wbHilHX66mnxBe5acUASft9uS0
|
adj8r0
|
{
"description": "not going to dancing with my gf",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not going to dancing with my gf?
|
On mondays we usually go to dance courses and i gave in because i wanted to avoid problems between is and wanted to avoid argument,but today i really dont feel like going anywhere especially dancing..she doesnt want to understand or just doesnt care about how i feel but i bet she will act unfriendly after i stick to my side and not going.
I mean why she cant understand a simple thing like this? She always says its only the beginning what is hard but actually every time we go there i stare at the clock every 5 minutes waiting for the end of the whole thing.
Then she cames back with "you promised" but actually i never said i promise.
And i totally feel like some idiot who can be dragged around and sits in the corner writing a reddit post to not be lonely after the argument with his gf.
Am i the a?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
00t9cX59eDjqKoeQlseFZUux6LJSDBS4
|
aze1ex
|
{
"description": "performing well",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for performing well?
|
A bit of background : in my uni you can intern for a certain amount of credit hours . Also keep in mind that I may not be a person of gold but I feel that some stuff said and done was wrong and completely own up to it.
I had an internship at a company and got to learn a lot, in the end we all had to create individual reports for the presentation. I had a person working in the same department with me and there were the four of us in total.
I had beef with them before(enough to report workplace harassment) but I just wanted to be done with my internship and get a good report from my colleagues.
Along with the report we each had to do a presentation of what we learnt and stuff for the professor and the company heads. As they did not do much, the other 3 decided that ALL four of us should do a presentation TOGETHER and they demanded that I give credit for half my work to this guy. I said we can do the presentation together but I will take the credit for all my work.
Am I the Asshole ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
smXtsPyPEcwhKz7iMRDfYtGQuxawgInB
|
ajszxl
|
{
"description": "refusing to do what my SO asks/tells me to do",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to do what my SO asks/tells me to do?
|
So my SO is a student while I work a 9-5 job and I often go to the gym before and/or after work as well. I'm also often the one to plan, buy and cook dinner in the evenings mostly because I'm a better cook and get hungry first. My SO is also very busy with projects and studies outside of university hours and is often at university \~10-4 most days.
​
But once we are both home she regularly asks me to do things simply because she can't be arsed, regardless of whether I'm busy and she's not, we're both busy, or both doing nothing. They're relatively simple things like walking the dog, going to the shops or going upstairs for something. And I feel guilty saying no but I really can't see why she couldn't just do it herself; especially when I'm busy cooking her dinner and she then asks me to go downstairs and get her something even though she's just laying on the sofa watching tv.
​
Am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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arzrqe
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{
"description": "moving on too quickly and then lying by omission",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for moving on too quickly and then lying by omission?
|
I was good friends with a guy for a long time. He was the one who pursued me for months and kept saying he loves me and that I was his "dream girl", but I was very hesitant to date because I had bad dating experiences and wanted time to heal, plus I didn't want to potentially ruin a good friendship. He insisted he would wait for me, even though I didn't know if I would want to date him in the near/late future.
When I agreed to date, he turned me down because all of a sudden he thinks he might want kids (he always said he never wants kids) and I didn't, then went back on his word in the same day and said he felt depressed and suicidal because he didn't want to lose me. I ended up agreeing to give things a go with him anyway.
One week later, he broke up with me over text because I had one super bad day at work and sought support from him, which he said made him feel depressed and helpless and he couldn't cope with this. I reiterated it was just one bad day, but he began to focus on lots of smaller things about me as a person (things he was always aware of) plus he brought up my traumatic past and said he can't put up with that (I have nightmares about it sometimes).
So, we had only been together for one week. It sucks but not worth grieving over. I met someone very shortly after, we went on a date several days later and one thing led to another and we had sex.
Anyway, me and the ex, if you can even call him that really, were catching up the following week (because we are meant to be good friends after all) and he asked me what I got up to over the weekend and I was 100% honest. He was not happy one bit, questioning me how I can even move on so quickly, and claiming that he had been having regrets all week and was considering taking me back. Plus he ultimately felt betrayed as I'd had sex with someone a week after we broke up, and sex is a big deal and something special to him, and now it will take a very long time, possibly years, for him to get over this and be able to trust another person to be intimate with. However, I myself do not see sex as massively special and have had sex with 30+ people (guys/girls) over the past ten years, which again he was always aware of.
Since then, he has grown quite distant, and when I message him, he will sometimes reply a week later, but remains friendly in his messages. However, because of his reaction to me going on a date etc, I have kept that side of things very private. I have continued to go on dates and be intimate, but have kept that completely out of conversation. This has me feeling quite conflicted because this is meant to be my friend so I should be open with him, but at the same time, I feel like it hurts him hearing about this part of my life and I don't want to face another outburst of his either. So, AITA for moving on so quickly from my ex and also for omitting the details of my love life so as not to upset him?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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akb07z
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{
"description": "breaking up with my gf that is too emotionally dependent",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my gf that is too emotionally dependent?
|
Ok ok, I know you all think that I am. But here's some context.
Me and my gf were dating for at least 9 months before I had enough. I've had enough because of the fact that she always wants advice from everyone about her "depression" and would usually tell us that it didn't work even though she doesn't do it. I'm always the one being blamed by everyone because of how she always is. She acts super depressed when she thinks nothing goes her way. Sometimes, she'd even threaten to kill herself just for me to intervene and find out that she wouldn't do it. I've tried to make her stop it, but she would never listen. The fact that I actually have depression and am going through therapy is not helping. So, I broke up with her.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
axcaum
|
{
"description": "something I said seven years ago",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA? Something I said seven years ago...
|
This happened yesterday night with my roommate. A person with whom I've shared a lot of my life for the last 11 years since we met.
We were having a talk over dinner about a podcast she had heard during the day. It was about how a sychiatrist had taken advantage of a young woman coming to him for help with her ilness. She had gone to the police and the national sychiatrist association and nothing had been done about it.
To this I of course said: "Oh my god, that's horrible", but I also said that those kinds of stories where becoming extremely exhausting. She took that as me saying, that the fact that the stories were being told were exhausting me, not that the things happening were exhausting. I told her that stories about men abusing their power towards women is becoming so common place that we're not even surprised anymore, and that makes me very sad.
Here comes the question part...
She says that because when I ( 27m) was 20 years old agreed with someone that grabbing a womans ass is not that bad, she doubted what I meant, and that she has the right to doubt it, because she has experienced physical sexism time and time again, so naturally she is sceptic.
This made me pretty mad, because I saw no reason for bringing that up at the moment. I don't remember it, but I believe that I said it. It sounds like 20-year old me. I am not trying to excuse it, but I definitely don't think it as a fair argument for believing the worst from what I said, to bring up something I said apr. 7 years ago. Since then I have of course changed dramatically as we all have, and I have a radically different opinion on that subject this day. This I feel like she should know.
What that makes me feel, is that she was gatekeeping feminism and general good behaviour, and that the fact that I am a man automatically sets me in a position, where I have to prove that I actually think it is a good thing, that stories like this are published. It makes me feel like, she sets her agenda over her friendship with me and (if necessary) having to apologize.
I can see her point when it comes to strangers, but we have been very close friends for 11 years plus.
I am cincerely asking, and I want to know... AITA?
Please ask questions if there are things, you feel like I left out or forgot. Sorry if I'm rambling a bit...
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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afb85z
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{
"description": "encouraging my girlfriend to lose weight",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for encouraging my girlfriend to lose weight?
|
My girlfriend is not obese, but she has put on a lot of weight since we first met. Currently does not exercise during the week. She told me one day that she wanted to lose that weight. So, As a big fitness person myself, I started actively trying to get her to go running with me and work out at our complex’s fitness center (the gym I normally go to is too intimidating for her. has much nicer equipment so I am partially compromising my workout for us to workout together at the local place).
She is getting very angry that I ask her to join me on these activities. I want to clarify that I ask her in this kind of tone - “Do you wanna go for a run?” Or “Hey I’m about to go workout if you wanna come with”. It’s not a direct order. I’m trying to persuade her into becoming more fit and healthy after she said that’s one of her goals.
Reddit, Am I the Asshole?
Reddit, Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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}
|
RIGHT
|
lvdQcvIFiWmoT7mfPCR3xHbM0LFX3Y1U
|
arg20e
|
{
"description": "walking away/ignoring two young black men who were trying to talk to me outside a liquor store",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for walking away/ignoring two young black men who were trying to talk to me outside a liquor store?
|
As I was exiting a local liquor store this afternoon carrying my purchase, I was approached by a young African-American man wearing an over-sized hoodie with both of his hands inside the hoodie's pockets. I asked him what he needed, and he wouldn't tell me. He merely motioned with his head for me to come closer without removing his hands from his pockets. This alarmed me a bit, and I simply said, "Sorry, I can't help you" and walked toward my car.
As I approached my car, a second man got out of their car and started walking towards me, yelling "Hey! I need to talk to you!" Again, I said, "Sorry, I can't help you" as I quickly opened my car door and locked myself inside. I then drove off, scared out of my wits. On my way home, I called my sister and she agreed that the situation sounded sketchy. Am I an asshole for not helping these young men with whatever they needed? I didn't want to be rude, but in that moment, I was really uncomfortable and felt unsafe.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
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|
b4m7ei
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{
"description": "not wanting to go help my dad at work",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not wanting to go help my dad at work?
|
Ok some back story is needed on this post. My dad owns and runs a sub shop that can get really busy and if there is ever a worker who can't come or a big convention comes around, I'll usually help out. I also work on the weekends every now and then to earn some spending money. Now the story starts out when I tell my dad that this weekend I don't want to work because I might go out with friends. He seems to have no problem with it, and usually if there is a convention or if there is a urgent need for me to work he will make that clear. This morning I woke up to my friends having other things pop up which made things unclear to if they could go and do something or not. I was at home lounging on my couch when my mom comes back from running errands and tells me to go help my dad at work since I'm being lazy and not doing anything. I tell her that I still might go out with friends and want to stay available and tell her I don't want to work. She then proceeds to get on the cameras at our work, and tells me without showing me that they are really busy. My mom has this habit of helping my dad out even when my dad doesn't call her in. If things get too busy, he will eventually call either me or my mom in to help, but there was no such call. My mom then gets worked up about how all I've been doing today is sitting at home doing nothing and that I should go help my dad since I told her that some friends might not be available to go anywhere. She also told me to go and work for an hour or so and be done with. The problem is, this wouldn't be worth my time making the trip to work and back which takes about an hour total. I tell her since there wasn't any call, it would be fine and I wouldn't have to go. She then proceeds to blow up on me , calling me lazy and selfish not helping my dad out when he 'needs' help, and that she'd go instead since I won't go. After she had gone full ballistic on me, I tell her that if its that big of a deal that I would go but she refuses telling me to stay home and that she'd do it herself if, "going to help your father is less important than having fun."
Am I the asshole for not helping him out?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b8x3fb
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{
"description": "not giving my ex gf any money after break up",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not giving my ex gf any money after break up?
|
I know this isn't a sub for relationships but what I'm talking about isnt really about the relationship.
So I split from my gf around 6 months ago dont really need to give more information than that but it absolutley broke me. We lived together and shared a car which is on finance and we both paid for out of a joint account.
So, we both moved back into parents houses etc. And as the car was registered and the finance was in my name I kept the car to which she agreed.
Roll on a few weeks and I get a text from her asking for the money that she paid for the car. I had recently found out that she had cheated on me from a very reliable source (she doesn't know that I know). I told her I'm not giving her anything because legally I don't have to, plus when we had the car she used it way more than I did, she would drop me off at work and I would then get a lift home from a work colleague. She was also really bad with money and would only put £20-30 of fuel in a month whereas I would put that in per week, I also paid for all of our food shopping whilst she was spending her wages on stuff that wasn't needed i.e clothes, makeup etc. I did pull her up on this and she said I didn't have to which I found very selfish of her when I spent a lot of money to make sure we had everything we needed and I was really struggling to make ends meet.
Anyway, she asked for the car money and I said no I don't have to pay you anything and explained my point to her, which then led to a series of abusive texts on her behalf.
TL;DR- AITA for not giving my ex any money from the car we both paid for even though it's in my name?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
gqA3UJ3nwY2VpkVRTTYhpKOtE2tutdi9
|
agobsh
|
{
"description": "being mean and cold to an ex guyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being mean and cold to an ex guyfriend?
|
So this was a few years ago now but still at times eats me from the inside.
So through my family I met this guy who I became friends with really quickly due to our many similarities and common interests. I soon had a huge crush on him and it seemed like he did too since he flirted with me very obviously and was very familiar with me. So one night me, my bestfriend and crush decided to spend the night at my place. I slept on one mattress my bestfriend on another and crush on the couch.
After my bestfriend had already fallen asleep me and crush were still talking and lowkey flirting and after a while we ended up in the same bed and making out which eventually led to sex.
We had previously discussed relationships and the fact that neither of us really wanted to get into one, but before our make out session led to sex we made a promise to eachother that even though we weren’t in a relationship we wouldn’t sleep with other people.
Later on we also tried discussing the realtionship part but we didn’t get anywhere with it so we just continued on being friends and having sex. I would say that it was just friends with benefits if it weren’t for the fact that he told me he loved me numerous times and I felt the same for him.
Since I have always struggled with voicing my feelings and affections I kind of felt like it was my fault we didn’t get into a realtionship and only talked about it once.
Cue to like about 5 months in to our whole “thing” I got sick and had to stay in the hospital for a week. During that time I had a lot of time to think about things and figure myself out I guess. So after getting out I decided to have “the relationship talk” again with him only to find out he’s in a relationship with someone else. Also I found that out a week after I got out of the hospital and not from him but my stepfather.
So, am I the asshole for being mad at him that he got into a relationship and didn’t tell me about it? I was also very cold and ignored him after the whole ordeal.
(Sorry about any mistakes or stuff being worded oddly, english is not my first language.)
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
lGswy5C4uRV1QrCLZftGc7OwT4diadd1
|
avuoka
|
{
"description": "not telling my brother that his son shoplifts",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not telling my brother that his son shoplifts?
|
Some back story (I’ll make up names to keep track):
I am a 29-year-old dude from the east coast. I have three half-brothers, Adam 40, Sam 36 and Jeff 35. We grew up with an alcoholic and somewhat abusive father and all of us have different mothers who have more or less never been in the picture. Growing up wasn’t easy and all we really had was each other. Four very different brothers all with our own philosophies on how to get through life.
As the youngest of the bunch I had the most support from my brothers. Adam, as the oldest, felt very protective of me and would do anything to keep me “on track”. This included beating me up if I did something I shouldn’t do. I have always loved my brother, and his “rough” ways have kept me off drugs and out of a criminal career. My two other brothers are both struggling with addiction and wrap sheets.
Now Adam has a 13-year-old son, Trevor. History repeats itself and his mother is off doing god know what. Adam is really trying to make a life for him and his son and I am proud of how he has changed his life to support his kid. However I recently caught Trevor shoplifting from a local store (the owner is a friend of mine and gave me a call rather than the cops). I picked Trevor up and let him crash at my place for the night and I have not yet told my brother about what happened. I know he only wants the best for his son, but at the same time I know how he treated me when I would do something like this as a kid. At the same time he is his father and should know when he is fucking up.
AITA for not telling my brother that his son is shoplifting?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
3Aoxkl6r9BJegAsNeug5EVqD7LGor9ss
|
abhnjd
|
{
"description": "not letting my dog sleep on my bed",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not letting my dog sleep on my bed?
|
I love my dog, he’s cool and all at times, but pretty territorial. I’ve allowed him to sleep on my bed in the past, and when he’s curled up into a ball, you basically can’t touch him/move him/ tell him to move.
Tonight is extra frustrating because he’s decided to curl up right next to me, squishing me in a dog-man sandwich between himself and my boyfriend. I tried to poke him a little to move and he gave me a warning growl and showed me some angry teeths so I tricked him to come out by going to the kitchen and acting like I was eating some food, his big weakness.
He ran to the kitchen, and I ran back to the room past him. While closing the door he gave me a look like I truly betrayed him, he’s definitely hurt by this. I need some sleep though. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
ddtzxo69Stvt0Ygqn7VPicGLmMd1hS24
|
ack1zx
|
{
"description": "telling my sister I think she's lying about being raped",
"pronormative_score": 51,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for telling my sister I think she's lying about being raped?
|
So, most people who read the title probably amuse I'm an ass already, but please, hear me out. My sister recently has come out to the family claiming she was raped. She's been crying and saying it's the most traumatic thing that ever happened to her. I don't believe her and told her that to her face in front of our entire family.
Here's the thing, my sister is a compulsive liar who makes up stories for attention. She is in her mid 30's and ever since she was a teen has constantly made things up for attention. When I say this I don't mean it lightly either. She has been successfully sued multiple times (twice for slander, once for libel) because she has lied about events that cause other harm.
My sister has gotten in trouble with the law multiple times because she has lied about what has happened to her. She was charged with filing a false police report when she was 19 because she claimed that a roommate of her's attacked her with a knife when in reality she stabbed herself and called the police. She got lucky and didn't serve jail time. She was kicked out of college 2 years later for claiming a teacher tried to force himself onto her when in reality she was caught plagiarizing and tried to lie to get it covered up.
This is only scratching the surface of this issue and I don't feel like I need to go into every detail about it. Now, I understand that despite these things, my sister *could* have been raped. Rape is an awful thing and a very touchy subject and I understand that these claims need to be taken seriously. Here's the big issue though, her story reeks of the same issues her other ones do.
At first she claimed she was raped in a park by 1 man, the next day it was 2 men who kidnapped her at a park and forced her to take them home with her where she was raped. Along with this, she has refused to tell us when it happened. At first it was "in spring last year" but now it 2 years ago in December. I've pressed her for these details and she changes details every time. Along with this, she is refusing to go to the police. Saying she "Doesn't think it will work". I've been afraid she was going to do this for some time now too. With all the stories in the news of people coming forward about sexual abuse in Hollywood and politics she has become a little to interested in them.
Me and my family have put up with these lies for so long I'm just tired of them. So last night my sister was putting on a show and crying in front of family who were visiting, telling the story to them. After she was done, I stood up and told her and everyone she is lying. That this story was different than the one last night and one the night before. I told her this is the same bullshit she has pulled for years and this time if she's not careful she'll get actual jail time.
When I said this my family freaked out. Some agreed with me, some didn't. And in the end my sister has refused to even look at me.
​
I'm starting to second guess myself honestly. She's pulled this shit so much that I pretty much have decided she's lying. If something tangible comes out I'll apologize but nothing ever does in her stories. Was what I did wrong? Should I maybe have told my family in private instead of how I did? I honestly just need some second opinions.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 49,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
RRbhiBsHGx9UkB8TUmSVmQUolDOdrVc8
|
9up2i8
|
{
"description": "telling my brother to stop whining about being gay",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA For telling my brother to stop whining about being gay?
|
So long story short, my little brother (27) has not spoke to me in a couple years because during a family Christmas party he was complaining that he couldn't get a job because he is gay, no one likes him, because he is gay, and he would be condemned to hell, because he is gay. I finally had enough of listening to him complain and explained to him that no one cares that he is gay and that his problem is he is lazy as shit and smokes pot all day rendering him anti-social. I explained to him that if he like to (suck dick) then own it and don't blame your problems on it. Needless to say he started blaming his problems on me and told me that my dad and I treat him horrible and he never wanted to see us again. That was literally it, I didn't condemn his gayness or tell him he's going to hell, or any bull shit like that. So question is, am I the ass hole for not buying into his pity party?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
qVOediT5dmjhtAjI5qWjJYVuaPeKZITO
|
a2pigk
|
{
"description": "using AITA to make my partner aware that they are in fact an a",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for using AITA to make my partner aware that they are in fact an A?
|
I'm completely disenfranchised by my partner. Every argument where they are being a total A, they did their heels in and escalate it, bully me and keep the argument going actively or passively for long periods of time until I submit or I try to reach out to them and repair it. I used this subreddit to post and let them see they were in fact the A. Partner then made the same post from their perspective and was still called a total A. At this point, this is the only thing that has let them become self-aware after many years. They are completely self-consumed and think only their emotions/feelings are important, not to mention stubborn. It seems there are very few solutions to this on-going problem.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
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|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
B2MsaKB0MPRBqw75RqcKFwaG97rkhsvC
|
b0se8y
|
{
"description": "hating the bridesmaid dress my Dad wants me to wear",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for hating the bridesmaid dress my Dad wants me to wear?
|
The title makes me sound like an asshole, I know. I should just get on with it and wear it for one day, but hear me out please.
So my dad is getting married (for the third time) in a few weeks, he only booked the wedding a month or so ago despite being engaged to his fiancée for 7 years and nobody knows why they’ve suddenly booked it so quickly.
Firstly, he’s only invited 12 guests and hasn’t even invited his own sister or niece which has upset me as I barely know anyone there.
Secondly, I’ve never met his fiancées daughter, husband or children, but we’re expected to act like happy families for the day. I did actually bump into her daughter at their house a few years back and she completely ignored me which was awkward.
Here’s where the dress situation comes in. As you can see from above it isn’t really a traditional wedding. I was asked to be bridesmaid along with my dads fiancées daughter and I was hesitant, but agreed on the stipulation I can feel comfortable in the dress I wear as I have some insecurities (I’m working on these). I wasn’t invited to go dress shopping at all and things were ordered without consultation that neither I or the other bridesmaid liked. They sent a photo of one online that looked okay, but when it arrived and I tried it on it wasn’t at all flattering. I know this isn’t just in my head as I’ve asked a few close friends and they’ve all agreed.
Therefore, I told my dad that I really didn’t like the dress and could I maybe look for something else for us two to wear. He replied that the other bridesmaid liked it and that was that. A few messages later he said if I could find something we can switch the dresses. I found a lovely dress that everyone around me agreed was so much nicer, I tried it on at my dads tonight and his fiancée said it was ‘too revealing’ and looked horrified, but really I don’t think she would have liked anything I’d chosen at this stage.
It’s ended up with a stalemate situation, his fiancée was rude to me and ignored me the whole evening after I drove an hour there and back and now I feel like a bad person for causing drama and not wanting to wear the dress, wishing that I hadn’t agreed to be bridesmaid in the first place. Equally, I feel like they haven’t handled the situation very well.
AITA for not wanting to wear the dress?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
TGEIQk09w6vNX4iCB80rf7ka7s8AYUg3
|
af8cim
|
{
"description": "telling my younger brother not to be a stereotypical annoying 8 year old Xbox player",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my younger brother not to be a stereotypical annoying 8 year old Xbox player?
|
So my brother plays a good amount of Xbox and he does everything you would expect from an annoying 8 year old Xbox player. He blasts music into his mic, screams, joins back no matter how many time he is kicked, only plays fortnite, talks about how he is better than everyone else at whatever game he is playing, plays only squads because he wants to get carried even though he has a lot of potential and would improve a lot if he played solos, and probably some other stuff I can’t think of at the moment. So AITA for telling him not to do some these things or should I just let him do his thing no matter how annoying it is?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Labbsw5Vtv1HMV45KgmM7snoBOG5WBGC
|
aj1p98
|
{
"description": "getting upset when my family friend/neighbor just comes over whenever he wants",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting upset when my family friend/neighbor just comes over whenever he wants
|
So basically it all started with me agreeing to be a videographer for his event. He is not my neighbor next door he lives probably 10 minutes away. He is a very nice guy but extremely pushy. Fast forward, I do the event and cash out. Then he starts getting these ideas of projects that he wants to do and to do a podcast of some sort that would benefit him and his organization. He asked me to be on it with him, which I think as a way for him to get through not paying me and just being able to use my gear and tech skills. He comes without notice and pounds on my door at the worst times possible. Once I’m with my girlfriend at 8:30 PM in our jammies watching a movie on a Saturday night and I get banging on my door with him there. He will usually want to talk for forever like legitimate hours. This has been happening and he just did it again. The good thing about him coming this time was to offer me a gig. I just feel like instead of physically showing up without any notice he could just pick up the phone and call me. He chooses not to text and ignores any text sent to him so that is not an option either. AITA for getting upset at him and his ways of going about things with his horrible timing?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
mEAjm22nYUwSIUukiQZGIjM6Bhr30GDT
|
9wydb8
|
{
"description": "flirting with multiple girls at once",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for flirting with multiple girls at once?
|
So yeah, I know i prolly sounds bad, but hear me out. I am pretty flirty, and I ususally talk with at least 2 girls at one time. Is this OK? We usually meet up and that's it, but I'm not in a relationship. My friends are okay with it except one girl who thinks I'm an asshole, and that what I'm doing is horrible, even though I'm honest about wanting nothing serious with the girls. I've never lied to get with a girl, so why does this friend of mine think it's so bad, she's not religious or like super moral or nothing...
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
GnW7rOUjOojbUwTVNWEEXFLmdYwZeE8R
|
a1hz8p
|
{
"description": "telling my 19 y/o brother to be careful with Alcohol",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my 19 y/o brother to be careful with Alcohol?
|
He always talks about drinking to solve his problems when he turns 21. Hes my step brother and has alcoholism running in his family, and he is also very depressed and has a bad liver. I always tell him to be careful with alcohol and drink responsibly but he always gets upset with me for telling him. Am I being an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
PcZpCxs9zbU3aYiXqbRLDBQmZNRF7I0a
|
aswt9q
|
{
"description": "calling my parents and sister lying pieces of shit",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for calling my parents and sister lying pieces of shit?
|
A year ago my younger sister (ys)(26) & I (36f) talked about getting a house w/her boyfriend (23) & my son (13). Since her & her bf were only working parttime, we put it on the back burner. They lived w/my parents.
In Aug, our niece(18) also moved in w/our parents.
A month ago, I found out ys & her bf bought a house & niece is moving in w/them. Mom & ys were sheepish & tell me "We were waiting to tell you. We just told Carol (niece's mom) today."
Most of my family doesn't have much contact with Carol. Lot of back story.
Telling Carol 1st hurt.Ys told me they kept it a secret from everyone, then says "Ann from work offered us kitchen stuff."
Ys calls on move in day upset. Nothing is going right. I stop by to help a bit. When I leave, Carol still has not shown up w/the couch. Dad says we will go out to dinner shortly after 7.
7:45 I text ys & ask if we're still going to dinner. Yes. A minute later she texts back "Dad said no cuz the weather's getting bad"
Monday, doing laundry at my parents. Dad says he owes me dinner. I say not to worry, we didn't go cuz of the weather. He says, "It had nothing to with Carol. We just got so busy & we were going to come home so ys could take a shower but we didn't. We went straight out to eat & I forgot to call you." Huh?
Ys & niece come over to get more stuff. Ys says they're on a schedule because she has to pick bf up from driver's ed (My dad paid $300 for him. His mom didn't allow him to get his license.) She asks me to move my car out of the driveway, which doesn't make sense but I do it. I'm pissy. I come back in & she keeps talking. I'm aggravated & yell "I moved my car. You'd better get going since you have a fucking schedule to keep."
I gather up my stuff and started ranting:
You're all fucking lying pieces of shit. The fact that you hid buying the house from me meant you knew you were doing something that would hurt me. That was my plan with you & you went behind my back. This is bullshit. Then you fucking lie to me about dinner last night. What was the fucking point of that? & no one gives a shit about what's going on with me & my stuff. Nobody asked how my doctor's appointment went at (city an hour away). Nobody gives a flying fuck. & when ys was having her mental breakdown & you were out west who took her to the doctor? Who helped her unpack your whole house while you were out west? (Parents moved, left all their stuff in a mess, 2 days later go out west). She promised to help me clean & organize my house for a couple of hours 1 weekend but any time I asked her she never had time for me. She forgets who was there for her when she needed help. I'm sorry that I'm such a 2nd class citizen to you. Oh, & just so I don't get accused of anything (I then take off the spare key I have & throw it on the counter)
During my rant ys ran upstairs. Mom chased after her. Dad sat in a chair looking at me like I'm an idiot.
So, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
bQ54rT8FLKi6jNbVr69gn6hvN8tpuFCc
|
9t6o2w
|
{
"description": "quitting a band with my longtime friend who struggles with depression and anxiety",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for quitting a band with my longtime friend who struggles with depression and anxiety
|
Throwaway as i believe she might see this.
So my friend and I have know each other for the better part of a decade. We met though work and although we have had our ups and downs we have been close friends for most of the time we've know each other. For the sake of this lets call her Asuka. So Asuka had been diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and PTSD and was taking medication. Long story short she had a horrible thing happen to her a few years back.
About 4 years ago we decided to start a music duo together as we were both musicians and had been in previous groups together. The previous groups we were in, she was the singer and had a habit of being difficult to work with due to not showing up, being late, being unprepared, and just not working well with the group. When this group started i was aware that this might still be an issue but i decided to try anyways.
At first things were going okay. I was doing most of the work but since we worked on covers she seemed come prepared and we were able to get through rehearsals without much trouble. However as soon as we began working on original songs we would run into issues. At the time i was not the greatest songwriter but i was open to criticism. I would show Asuka the song i had been working on and the responses i would get would be that it didn't sound right or it needed to be fleshed out some more. I would ask for suggestions or if she would like make changes and she would simply say it needed to be worked on but would not try to sing it and would not make attempts to change it. When i would push the subject she would begin to get frustrated and would simply lie down on the couch and say that it was stressing her out. While i found this annoying i always remembered that it might be that she was acting this way due to her condition and i would forget it and move on to something else.
As the years went by the same issues would arise along with some new ones. She would show up to rehearsal completely unprepared and we would spend most of the time figuring out her parts. She would show up several hours late and the times i met her at her place she would sometimes refuse to work and just lie or on the couch. Again i was very patient and would wait for her to come around which would normally take a few hours. After rehearsal she would be upset as she stated that she was terrible for wasting rehearsal time. She always state she would change but it was always the same issue. She lived an hour away from me so meeting up was difficult enough without her being uncooperative but again i assumed it was because of her condition and i would let it go.
During the final year of our group it became common for me to talk to her after rehearsal and tell her how i felt about her attitude. She would usually cry and apologize for being that way. I asked her several times if she even wanted to continue in the group as i had now begun to do literally everything in the band from book shows, write songs, schedule rehearsals and run them. She always stated that she did want to be in the group. I always reminded her that we would be friends even if this group ended but she always said she did not want to end it.
Things came to a head when we were supposed to meet up to record a song and Asuka decided to cancel several times in a row over the corse of a few weeks due to her and her BF not being able to plan their weekends which frustrated me as they were failing to communicate with each other and i was suffering because of it. We finally recorded the song but when i sent it to her she did not like one part. I suggested she record it from her house and send it to me. I never got a rely. 3 weeks passed and i could not believe she would blow me off like that. She had been recently calling me after work here and there and that stopped as well. It was as if she was avoiding me all together. When she finally did message me i was pretty much fed up with the way she had been treating this group and treating me, her long time close friend. If this was a full band she blew off it would probably not have been such a huge issue with me but because it was just me it was very personal. She had been doing this for most of the 4 years we were a groups when things got hard she would cease all communication and then get a hold of me several weeks later. I felt that i had given everything to this groups despite her push back and the difficulty working with her. I decided to end the group and called her the day following the text she eventually sent me.
I was so nervous that day because despite my frustration over the years she was still very dear to me and i wanted to continue being her friend and the thought of losing her made me feel terrible. When i called her i explained that i wanted to end the group and her response was completely unexpected. She sounded annoyed. She said "Umm okay why?" like this was out of the blue. I felt like a complete idiot as i had been stressing about it all day and had practiced talking to her by myself and her response wasn't understanding but rather as if i was over exaggerating this. I kept my cool and told her that we had not been progressing at a reasonable rate. I told her that i felt that i was in a one man band due to her lack of communication and was no longer having fun. She responded with "I didn't realize we were on a time line but okay if thats what you want" in an equally annoyed voice. I just said " Okay ill talk to you later" I was so upset by our call. I expected her to be a little sad that this group of 4 years had ended but she had the "I don't give a shit, do whatever you want" attitude towards it. Its now been almost a year and we haven't spoke since then. We are still friends on social media but other than that have ceased all communication. I feel like i tried my best to be understanding and be patient because i did enjoy the times we hung out and the times we worked well which there were plenty. Im always wondering if i could ave handled it better. In the end i always tell myself that i did the best i could. Am i an asshole? Should i have been more patient?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
vJQDdgjCN0ycISnb60IpblQ2uTmlUqXV
|
axeuib
|
{
"description": "wanting a disagreement to be over with as well as thinking someone is being hypocritical",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting a disagreement to be over with as well as thinking someone is being hypocritical?
|
A slight preface to this; I’m 15F and all others are under the age of 21. Need outside opinions as many have been a mix of YTA, NTA, and ESH.
Around a month ago I got into a disagreement with friends due to me feeling left out and feeling as if there was a double standard present. I was unable to do something without them, yet they all did it without me. I originally responded very immaturely, vague posting on social media (all of which I have deleted now) instead of talking it out like a mature person should.
I got called out on being selfish (which I was, and I’m pissed off at myself for behaving like that), and that I was hypocritical for going to my other friends for advice when I go to them for advice when I have issues with these other friends.
It took me a while to respond, even though I should of responded earlier, because I was extremely anxious and not being able to deal with it properly at the time. I ended up seeing a professional I haven’t seen for a few months now and they gave me advice on what to do, which helped a lot.
I sent a message back around 2-3 weeks ago, apologising for my behaviour, how I handled things and that I should’ve been more aware of their feelings. A friend got vagued about by their ex and seeing how upset she was made me even more disgusted at myself that I could do that to people I care about.
I have gotten one response, which I haven’t responded to yet, but knowing that they are up to trying to work things about in a more amicable setting means a lot to me. I received it shortly after my message but I am yet to respond due to anxiety and feeling physically sick a lot.
One other person though sent messages before I sent my apology, essentially saying that I would probably never respond, and it felt like they didn’t want me to respond so they would never have to talk to me again. I felt as though it’s hypocritical that they say that when they haven’t responded to my message.
So AITA for just wanting this entire thing to be over and also thinking this person is being slightly hypocritical?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
C6ZdPuqne8AWEcTcX93jLBZ2HsyYCLuk
|
acqd03
|
{
"description": "backing into someone's mailbox",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for backing into someone's mailbox?
|
Let me explain:
So I was driving through the neighborhood to go meet my girlfriend and as I passed this house, two young kids (9-10 years old) decided to throw a rock at my car.
When the rock hit my car, I laid my hand on the horn for a good 15 seconds, and out of rage I backed up really fast and accidentally hit their mailbox.
It tilted the mailbox post maybe 45 degrees but looked fixable so I decided not to knock on the door to let the owners know. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
OUtvo1Fc2IjMbDzZkWye94AZLQBWFnxD
|
alte0t
|
{
"description": "moving on after a rejection",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For moving on after a rejection?
|
Hello, before I start I want to apologize for my terrible grammar and story telling.
​
TL;DR: My girlfriend rejected me when I first told her that I liked her, I moved on and hung out with another girl. Now I'm the bad guy for not letting her friendzone me.
​
My girlfriend, let's call her Liz, rejected me when I first told her that I liked her.
​
So, don't actually know where to begin, I'm fairly new to opening up and asking for advices. More than a year ago, I met Liz. We had a mutual friend(Let's cal her Jan) , I had been friends with Jan for 6 years and Liz was her new roommate. I liked Liz a lot and we got close pretty quickly.
​
In the following couple of months we started going out almost every single evening, and ended up talking about stuff and drinking beer in my car near her dormitory. At that point I was 100% sure she liked me too, we spent hours every single day, just the two of us. But since I'm a coward I've never had courage to make any move.
​
One day, I grew some balls -thanks to alcohol - and told her I lilked her so much. She told me to "go home" .
I insisted, asked if she wasn't going to say anything. All I was asking for is either a "I like you too" or "I don't feel the same way" . She said the same thing, "Just go home." I took that answer as "I don't want to lose you, but I don't want to be in a relationship with you either"
​
After a short amount of time, I started hanging out with some other girl, but shortly after I realized she was kind of toying with me, and told her that I wanted to stop seeing each other. And since Jan was a close friend of mine, we talked about that girl now and then.
​
Turned out Jan told Liz what I told her. After some time Liz called me and wanted to hang out. We started seeing each other again and eventually, one day, I kissed her. Didn't give her a chance to screw with me this time. Kiss me back, that's a yes. Don't kiss me back, that's a no. There was nothing between. She kissed me back, and we started dating.
​
It's been more than a year now, and in our recent fights she always brings up what happened after she rejected me.
Always says, if you really liked me you wouldn't have gone after some other girl literally after a day you told me you liked me.
​
But that just seems unfair to me, don't even bother to tell me you don't like me but expect me to stay loyal to a hope(?) of you someday giving me a chance? I told her that if she didn't try to friendzone me like a stupid kid, I wouldn't do that. But things only got worse.
​
What do I do with this situation? I don't want to make her upset but everytime she brings this up I lose my temper, I remember the days she wanted me around, but as a friend. Knowing that I liked her, but not saying anything. Always leaving some hope for me stay but not actually being honest and telling me she didn't see me the same way as I do.
​
​
Once again, I know that's a terrible storytelling and I apologize for that. There might be some unclarified spots, but I believe I expressed the situation and what I feel about it. Thank you.
​
​
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 10,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
C1OHR3nRqy7BZBvBC4xb81MNhTq24lcC
|
b7e188
|
{
"description": "not backing up my husband",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not backing up my husband
|
My husband and I were grocery shopping. While we were scanning the shelves for something, my husband stepped away from our cart, which was in the middle of the aisle. A couple with their own cart come walking down the aisle and the guy pushes our cart out of the way.
My husband goes up to the guy and says to him something like, "You don't have to push it. Just say excuse me."
Then he and my husband get into a shouting match before employees show up to calm things down.
I hate drama of any kind so the whole situation got to me. My husband says I should have defended him. AITA for not defending my husband?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
5TSDtYWYPqvYNYvVVfowHN21ODIMzzNF
|
9u945y
|
{
"description": "not wanting my in law's boyfriend around my new daughter",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my in law’s boyfriend around my new daughter?
|
A few years ago my wife went to her mothers to drive to an event together. Her mother was supposed to drive but was blocked in the drive way by her boyfriends truck. The boyfriend did not want to move the truck and began to yell at my wife calling her a bunch of names. All because he did not want to move his truck. Argument ensued with her mother not stepping in either way. Eventually her boyfriend slapped my wife. (I was not in the same country at the time) The cops were called and her mother refused to tell the truth. The cops didn’t have anything to go on so it kinda just went away. My wife did not speak to her mother for about a year after this. Her mother then began to call our phones, write letters, have other people call us and my wife gave in and talked to her again. Fast forward to today and my wife is 9 months pregnant. Her boyfriend came to an event he was not invited to and I asked him to leave because of what happened. I was raised to never hit a woman and to really never have a reason to hit a woman. Her mother got angry because I asked him to leave and I really don’t care. I then told her he is to never ever see my daughter alone with her or do anything my daughter related. Am I the asshole for this? If her mother would not defend her own daughter, what would she do with my daughter?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
DcDIHVuHXsCglMXRJDroJ36e8lkKPS9W
|
ab76dd
|
{
"description": "telling people to stop hugging me",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I told people to stop hugging me?
|
It seems like everyone I know wants a hug every time I see them and every time we part ways, regardless of how often we see each other. I’m not a very touchy-feely person. Hugs make me a bit uncomfortable honesty. I would prefer to reserve hugs for people I don’t see very often. Would I be the asshole for suggesting we
Slow down the hugs?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
IfasoJFnpVqRjGThquB1EVoqv0d1bnPx
|
ap9ooo
|
{
"description": "wanting to send my GF flowers on valentine's day under her ex-boyfriend's name",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 22
}
|
AITA for wanting to send my GF flowers on valentine's day under her ex-boyfriend's name?
|
I want to see if will tell me the truth or lie to me about receiving the gift. I also suspect that she may still have feelings for him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 22,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 22
}
|
WRONG
|
HYpoSr7oShlw5KB7dKeh7osRNx0MVERN
|
b99885
|
{
"description": "not wanting my future kid to go to public school",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not wanting my future kid to go to public school.
|
Me and the wife want to have kids soon. The problem is dyslexia runs in my family. Every single boy in my family and a few girls have dyslexia. We also have a lot of people with ADHD as well. For this reason I think we should start educating are kid as early as possible which my wife agrees to. The problem is she really hates the idea of homeschool or specialized private school. I can kind of understand with the homeschool. But her reason for being against the private school is because she doesn't want are kid to grow up to be a "snobby brat". This may seem very extreme but I don't want kids if I have to send them to public school if he / she has dyslexia. But I also don't want to disappoint my wife. We discussed this she's agreed to do research in the morning.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not being completely honest with my bf",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not being completely honest with my bf?
|
My bf has a band and I try to be supportive as possible. He usually will show me lyrics or play me stuff he's come up with so I can give him my opinion. So today, he starts playing me a part of a song he's written and the lyrics just sounded so cliche and corny and not great, but it wasn't enough to where I could flat out tell if he was just messing with me or not. I know how he writes and I know he writes so much better than that and I wanted to ask him if he was joking but I honestly couldn't tell. He's also been feeling very down lately, so I just said that it sounded really good so far and that I want to hear the final song when he's done with it.
Then he's like, "Well, I guess I can't trust you to be honest when I ask you for your opinion. You know that sounded like shit," and basically said he wrote it purposely bad to see if I would just compliment it/say I liked his stuff no matter what because he wanted me to give him objective opinions. I probably should have been completely honest, but it felt kind of vindictive for him to set me up like that. And he's still mad about it. AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b0xdg8
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{
"description": "reaching out to an ex",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for reaching out to an ex?
|
There is more detail in the [/r/relationship\_advice post](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/b0wu3v/i_reached_out_to_my_abusive_ex_was_it_wrong_to_do/) and the chance to give advice if wanted.
I had an abusive ex who believed I was cheating on him with a friend, and then turned verbally abusive. After breaking up I wound up being with that same friend as he helped me heal. However, my ex had sent me into a spiral of despair and depression that made me miss class and eventually lose my eligibility for my scholarship.
After learning I lost my funds to attend school, I turned hysterical and immediately blamed my ex for it. I sent an email blaming him for essentially ruining my life. To my shock, he replied in the same day and we exchange a few emails. We then called on the phone. He apologizes for everything, says what he did was undeserved, understands why I would blame him and says he had been going to therapy to reform himself. However, he still thinks I cheated - I don't argue it. The call ends on a good note, including the agreement to never speak to each other again, and it felt as if I had gotten real closure.
I immediately tell my BF what happened (a policy of keeping our feelings open in order to prevent history repeats). Understandably, he needs time to think. We don't talk for a night, but in the morning he says he consulted close family and trusts that this was a good thing, even if he felt hurt that I contacted my ex instead of him. But, he had already forgiven me and is happy that everything turned out good.
This happened months ago, but it came up again recently in conversation with friends.
My friends say I'm an asshole to my BF since I reached out to my ex. They believe I had severely hurt him since talking to an ex is one of the worst things to do in a relationship. I agree with them and feel guilty that I had hurt my BF by not thinking of him for support first. My very weak argument is that the stress of the situation clouded my judgement - I wasn't thinking right. But in honesty, I am very glad the call happened as it answered many questions for me and gave a little solace in the wake of knowing I can't complete my degree.
I haven't told my BF about this conversation yet, and in the months that passed between that call, nothing has felt different. He has continued to be loving and he never hinted at being unhappy or disappointed at what I did. However, considering this is a LDR and that there are things that can't be conveyed through text alone, I could be missing something. I plan to speak to him and ask again if he is honest so we may have the chance to open a conversation.
**tl;dr:** Blamed abusive ex for sending me into depression and making me miss classes that eventually lost my scholarship. BF knows I reached out and forgives me, along with thinks this was a good closure. Friends do not. Did I mess up?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "getting mad that my friend charged me for drinks he bought for me when I told him I didn't want any drinks",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad that my friend charged me for drinks he bought for me when I told him I didn't want any drinks?
|
So I'm at a concert with my friend, and he's trying to get me to drink with him but I decline because I'm on a budget and drinks were very expensive. I didn't want to pay $15 per drink. Anyways, after I kept refusing he decides to buy me and my other friend drinks. I am a lightweight drinker so after the first drink I was pretty tipsy, and throughout the night he just kept handing me drink after drink. I ended up getting pretty messed up that night. The next day he sent me a venmo request for the drinks he bought for me. I was pretty pissed off and feel like he took it upon himself to basically trick me by just buying the drinks on his own and then charging me later. I think I'm just going to pay this one time but I'm not gonna accept any drinks from him anymore. What do you guys think?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a8s98n
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{
"description": "yelling in my sleep",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for yelling in my sleep?
|
context: my dad and i both have weird, terrible sleep schedules because he works third shift and i’m unemployed. we came to an agreement a long time ago that if he made dinner in the middle of the night and i was sleeping, he’d wake me up and ask if i wanted some while it was hot. this has worked for years.
the scenario, from my point of view: go to sleep at 8pm. wake up at 6am. dad is mad at me.
the scenario, as it has been told to me: dad makes dinner, knocks on my door, and wakes me up. i scream abuse at him, using full words and sentences that aren’t gibberish. he argues with me until he gives up and eats alone, and i apparently go back to sleep.
i think he thinks i’m lying about not remembering, because he keeps bringing it up in a “you’d better not do that again” way. this was a month ago, and he’s still mad at me for something i don’t remember doing and wouldn’t do if i were conscious and aware of my surroundings.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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{
"description": "cutting ties in a toxic friendship",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For cutting ties in a toxic friendship?
|
Let me give you some context. I've been friends with this person for 6 years now. We met in middle school and we've been friends ever since. But for the past 2-3 years, our friendship has turned into toxic shit. And what I mean by that, is we always try to out do the other, we comment about any little thing that either of us do wrong (at home or in public), he tries to make me look bad when he says "it looks good". We just don't go well together. But we usually do most things with our friends. We've only done things together like once in a blue moon. And still, the same thing happens or there's just a negative vibe. Recently, it's come to my mind the way we act and how annoying it is. We usually talk together online through Discord. And I can't go 2 seconds without hearing "fuck you", "you're shit", and other toxic stuff. Now, I'm not gonna sit here and act like I don't say it back. But, he usually start's it. I could be minding my own business watching a video or playing a game, and all I hear is "fuck you" or "rot in hell". I know he doesn't really mean it, but it's gotten to a point where I've noticed that he only talks to me like that. Not to any of his other friends (who I'm also friends with). Another thing about my friend is that he always acts like he's right all the time. He could be totally wrong in a situation but never admit it. Which is annoying, but that's the way he is. Today I decided to not talk to him at all, and he got mad about it. He called me "fake" and told me I was acting like a baby and wouldn't explain why I was doing this. Even when I told him on Snap Chat that we aren't compatible and we have a toxic friendship he just said "LOL" and "Get a life". Plus, we've had fights in the past where it's made us not talk to each other for days or weeks. I'm just tired of it and idk if I'm being an asshole or not. Sure we've been friends for 6 years, but it's not fun anymore. He always wants to see me do bad in life and I just hate it. I could keep going on and on about it. But, I'm gonna let you decide for me.
TLDR: My friendship with a person who I've known for 6 years has been toxic for 2-3 years and don't know if I should cut ties with or not.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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{
"description": "not making my niece an Easter Sunday dress",
"pronormative_score": 83,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not making my niece an Easter Sunday dress?
|
I sew as a hobby and make a lot of my own clothes. It's not a source of income for me, just a small hobby that I do because I like to make clothes that fit me. I've been doing it for a long time. My mom is the one who taught me.
My sister approached me a few weeks ago and had some ideas. She wanted me to sew an Easter Sunday dress for her 9 year old daughter. She gave me a lot of examples. It was a generic fit and flare with elbow sleeves, lace overlay, high crew neck.
I told her no, but tried to do it gently. I said that I was busy working on my own wardrobe, that I don't enjoy sewing for others, and then I also said that I do not like sewing one time use things. I explained I've been approached about wedding dresses by friends before, and my answer is always no. I didn't say this, but sewing for children is such a waste of time and effort. They don't care and can't appreciate the hard work that goes into it. They roll around in the dirt and have the time of their lives because they're kids. It's the mom who cares. All of that work is for one Facebook photo. Not worth it to me.
She got really angry, called me very selfish, and told me that I am a bad sister, because if my kids needed anything, she would obviously do it. I suggested a few shops for them to try very nice Easter dresses, and she became angrier, saying that giving me those suggestions was meaningless and that she should be able to ask her own sister for something as simple as "a few seams on some fabric." At that point, I told her that if she wanted to have clothes like that, buy a sewing machine and learn to sew for herself. I told her that our mom gave us the same opportunity to learn to sew and she instead wanted to play video games and read comic books and run around playing sports. She didn't want to learn.
In the end she took it to the Court of Facebook, where she shaded me and said her Selfish Sister would make her beautiful niece the "dress of her dreams" for Easter and that I had shamed her for being a feminist tomboy. People jumped in saying that it was selfish, some people don't understand how hard it is to be a mother, family can be so cruel, her beautiful daughter deserves that dress, and then comments about who sews anymore anyway, etc. This all made me feel bad and second guess myself.
Then she had the niece get on and cry in a video because Aunt Me wasn't going to make her a pretty dress because Aunt Me is too busy on her OWN wardrobe. And what about me, Aunt Me? It's just one dress!
So honestly, is it me? Am I the Asshole? Should I just make my niece a dress?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aedmjr
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{
"description": "continuing to talk to my ex",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for continuing to talk to my ex?
|
So for context, I broke up my ex a year ago and we were together for three years. It was a pretty ugly break up but we meant a lot to each other and are colleagues in an online company, we both live across the continent so seeing each other is not an option.
My new girlfriend is very upset I still talk to her, while our talks are about work or just a catch up, they are nothing and I have reassured her. She even talks to all her ex's herself and I said we both do it, but because mine was more serious (she has had longer relationships) so it's ok.
Here comes an important part of the story, she is helping me get my dream job, I work in a very competitive industry. My girlfriend says I am pathetic for trying to beg use my ex for a job, that I can do it myself. But this is an opportunity that feels once in a lifetime if it's legit. Another aspect is my and my girlfriend live in different continents, this job would mean I would be one state away in America, and the same timezone. I've told her all of this, I talk to my ex as a friend but also a a colleague and as someone who is doing this for me.
I bought her a flight to Europe for Christmas and new years. On new years she gave me us matching rings. She then got drunk and messaged my ex on Facebook saying really horrible stuff, it took my ex days to calm herself down. I said that was out of order, to apologise. She took it as a sign of me choosing my ex, my ex called me crying and threatening to tell our boss and other things and I wanted to calm her down. My girlfriend proceeds to run out the bar and in the street, trying to jump in front of a bus then crying on a street corner. All the while I was in a panic calming my ex down cos she works with my only source of income, the income I used to take her to Europe.
After she cried all night and, let's say it damped the trip. Since then she is adamant I shouldn't talk to my ex, my ex blocked my on social media except our work email because my ex is scared of my girlfriend doing anything worse.
Am I an ass hole for talking to my ex for practical reasons, while my girlfriend talks to hers "rarely", but I never mention when I see her talking to both of them? I say I feel there's one rule for me, one for her with this but she downplays herself and says I'm pathetic and shouldn't talk to her at all. The future and current job as well as her being a massive part of my life are big factors but it seems to be an obstacle in my relationship.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ay9do2
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{
"description": "just ruining my friends new relationship",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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}
|
AITA: I may have just ruined my friends new relationship.
|
As the title says I may or may not have caused one of my friends to end a potentially horrible relationship. I (M) have been friends with C (F) for around 4 years and I have been friends with her new boyfriend T for the same amount of time. T hasn’t had the greatest track record when it comes to relationships as he can be extremely manipulative of his partner and will emotionally abuse them if they don’t do what he wants. Me being a friend of both parties, (I’m no longer T’s friend at this moment, as you’ll find out in a bit) I support them both whole heartedly. But with me being C’s best male friend, I decide to inform her of T’s past and tell her to set boundaries and make sure T knows what she wants from this relationship in order to keep her from getting emotionally harmed. T finds out what I have done and proceeds to say that I have to leave my best friend alone and stay out of her life (not knowing that I’ve been with her through some very hard times and I’m basically her rock) I tell him no and he has no right to tell me to do that. This infuriated him and he said he was going to tell C that I am lying to her and that I don’t care about C and only feel pity for her, whatever. I then tell C about this and tell her that if she wants me leave them alone I’ll do it, she then tells me she needs me more than she needs him and doesn’t want me to leave. As of now she’s now deciding whether she wants to risk herself to see if it’s truly love or if he has ulterior motive. (He actually does and just wants to get in her pants but I don’t have the heart to tell her that)
TL;DR - I may have ruined my friends first relationship in years by exposing her boyfriends terrible past
P.S. this started around the first week of February and has seemingly concluded today
(Please be nice this is the first time I try to do this.)
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "telling my friend to \"grow the fuck up\" and get a job already",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for telling my friend (29M) to "grow the fuck up" and get a job already?
|
Buddy of mine ended up dropping out of college due to poor grades when he was around 21. Since then, he hasn't done anything except stay home. I've tried to help him, like giving lists of open-to-public exams. He hasn't taken a single one. I've also got him to write resumes to places I knew were hiring a few years ago, but after there were no call backs (probably due to lack of things to write on there), he's been down more than ever and has given up searching for jobs or doing anything productive.
He turned 29 a few weeks ago, and he started complaining to me how he's just getting older and older and not knowing what to do. I got tired of it and told him how he's almost 30 now without having done anything and needs to grow the fuck up and start looking for a job and how he's being a burden to everyone in his family. He hasn't contacted me since then.
AITA for trying to wake him up to reality? Was it too harsh?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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awwqzc
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{
"description": "doubting my sister",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for doubting my sister?
|
My sister is 18 years old and a senior in HS. For years she’s been mentally ill. In terms of diagnoses she has anxiety, depression, and recently been told she has borderline personality disorder. I don’t doubt that. Anxiety and depression run in my dad’s side of the family. I have them too.
However, she’s next level lazy. It’s disgusting how lazy she is. All she wants to do is smoke weed and sleep. The weed apparently helps with her mood. Alright, fair enough. She’s significantly more pleasant when she’s high. But, when she’s high she’s also tired, so she goes back to sleep. It’s a cycle, and it seems like a tradeoff. Do I want a tired and lazy sister or a raging monster?
The last time she had a job was around the end of 2016(?). She went to inpatient for 5 days or so. After that, she went to inpatient again for another few days a month or so later. That was a rough time for my family and I, and obviously, terrible for her.
Changes were made to her medication, schooling, etc. and things seemed to be improving. But, she remains jobless, doesn’t help around the house/clean, and is extremely rude and entitled towards me and my parents. It’s frustrating, because I can tell my mom is also bothered, but she defends my sister whenever I yell at her. I don’t get it.
Obviously she feels terrible mentally. I don’t doubt that, but I can’t tell how bad it is. She goes out with friends and gets high multiple times a week. She asks for money for food and weed and juul pods. But, cleaning up after herself is apparently too much to ask. Or being nice. Or doing some simple chores.
Am I the asshole for being resentful and doubting the extent of her illness? I love her, and want better for her. I want her to be able to move out and get a job and have a healthy social life, but currently, I’m too irritated to be super nice about things. I’ve tried that in the past. I don’t think she’s consciously taking advantage of my mom’s patience, but it sure feels that way. Yes, my mom is an adult and can look out for herself, but it pisses me off to see this happening.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "telling my friend that I don't care for pictures/updates/videos of her kid",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA for telling my friend that I don't care for pictures/updates/videos of her kid?
|
I made a friend recently, and I'm a " never having kids " kind of person.
So i typically don't engage or make friends with parents.
She is nice and we got along so I figured " can' tbe that bad "
I made it very clear early on, I dont make friends with parents, she was an exception and I do not want to talk about, or see her kid all the time, and if thats a dealbreaker for her, no worries and we'd move on, I value being open about such things so thats why I said it.
She said it was fine and didn't want to make the baby a focal point anyway and that she even semi regrets having her child so young, being that she was on the fence with an abortion.
Fast forward a few months.
nothing but random baby pics and videos if we're not actively talking. we have non-baby related chat, but it pops up so unexpectedly and randomly. I just simply don't know what to say nor do I care or have an interest.
I just reply uninterested things like " lol " and " oh no " or whatever. and dont say anything else, hoping she'd get the hint.
But I think i would upset her if i said " stop sending me your fucking child ". it's funny, despite being clear in the opening of our friendship. i am hesitant to say anything now.
For any context, we're both women. I can't have children and don't have interest in them despite that anyway. and we're countries apart, but i truly love everything else about her, shes great.
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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ap5clw
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{
"description": "being mad at my friend because of their boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Being Mad At My Friend Because Of Their Boyfriend?
|
So my friend and I were really close, constantly hanging out and talking about everything. They even said we'd go to prom together as buds.
Then they got a boyfriend. And this dude sucked. He'd pull on my ponytail so hard I'd fall over, he'd stomp on my injured foot while I'm at the water fountain, etc.
And then he constantly would make them have lunch in the library instead of with me, and constantly make them sit with him during classes just so I was alone.
I sat alone a lot at that point, and my friend barely spoke to me.
Once I confronted them, and they said: "you're a part of my life, and now hes also a part of my life. You gotta understand he's important to me."
And then they didn't talk to me or hang out with me for most of the year (until they broke up a couple of weeks before the end of the year)
AITA for still feeling hurt/upset?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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arf3dc
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{
"description": "getting upset with my mother for not being respectful during church",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting upset with my mother for not being respectful during church.
|
More of a Was I the Asshole. Am on mobile. Excuse my formatting. TLDR at bottom.
So a while ago I made my confirmation. As all Catholics do. I believe it was 8th grade. So as a part of our confirmation we went on a “retreat” For 8 hours we got lectured and talked to about various things regarding confirmation then we got pizza. After this we all went to church together and met with our parents who would bring us home.
We arrived at the church and the found my mother. A bit of background on her. We had a very bad relationship and she also wasn’t very religious. It was my father (who she hated up until his death) got me into religion. So lots of tension. 6:30 masses. The one we where attending. Go very fast. Not even an hour. But she wouldn’t get off her phone while Father was talking. She was also sitting when we were kneeling, not saying prayers etc.
I bring up with her how she’s being pretty disrespectful and she didn’t have to be here if she didn’t feel comfortable. She went off on me telling me I was in no place to tell her how to act in church. I understood she was upset and left her alone. But she kept giving me nasty look is and such. I asked why she was upset and she just looked at me like I wasn’t her son.
So am I the asshole?
TLDR: Not-Religious Mother was on phone and church and being overall disrespectful. I asked her to stop and she treated me like an outcast.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
{
"description": "sleeping with a friend's ex without telling him",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for sleeping with a friend's ex without telling him
|
Basically trying to determine if it breaks bro code. They have been broken up for years, he's in a new relationship. I know his ex is interested in me. I don't think things will get serious between his ex and I, so I'd rather just have it happen without his knowledge than potentially making it weird even if he's not angry. Is that ok, or am I obligated to ask permission first (or at least tell him after)? Throwaway account just in case.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
10i2kYQ4mu9MON38LvrpKBnlwdj66Fjd
|
anpfj9
|
{
"description": "not going to school at noon school times",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not going to school at noon school times
|
I'm a middle school student,During the first trimester of my second year we had to play sports at non school times (Tuesday at 14:00 where no class, only us have school) during the 2 first sessions we all came to sports, but our teacher who was there in school didn't even bother to meet us, she just wrote the name of the students that were there and kept us sitting for 2 hours.
The next week she did the same thing, so we decided to not go anymore, after 2 other sessions we were told to not go anymore.
So after the holidays at for kicked out for being absent and using the excuse of "the teacher was present but you were not".
So whose wrong, is it our class or is it the teacher.
Other events included refusing to enter classrooms for lack of heating before a week of being kicked out.
Sorry for formatting in on phone and for any language mistakes a English is not my 3rd language.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
e4tqOyvGA2VTOECRSWswupAa5ZiOgSbG
|
b3yrs9
|
{
"description": "not wanting my mom to hug/touch me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my mom to hug/touch me?
|
now, don’t get me wrong, i (F15) love my mom and i will give her hugs nearly every day. but when i come home from school, she wants one right away. honestly it’s not big deal, at all. i could just give her a hug. but sometimes you just want to be alone and not be touched, so sometimes i’ll just give her a quick side hug. this makes her mad and she gets annoyed with me, rolling her eyes and telling me that she’s my mom and i should just give her a normal hug. i’ve tried explaining to her that at times i just want to be alone and that i’ll cheer up within an hour or so and then i’ll be ready to talk, but this makes her even more mad. she gets annoyed at small things i do, like if i accidentally ignore her question, if i don’t realize she wants a hug, sometimes all i have to do is just walk the wrong way and she gets upset.
when i don’t want to hug her, she sometimes forces me. grabs my waist and holds me tightly against her. it always hurts my neck and i feel violated afterwards. i’ll tell her “stop” “i don’t want to be touched” “let me go” but she doesn’t listen. the only way i can escape is by pushing her away and running to my room.
whenever i do manage to escape a hug, she gets mad at starts telling me “i’m your mom, i’ve done everything for you, you could just give me a hug”. afterwards she becomes really sad and just stares at the wall, so of course i feel bad and i go up to her and apologize and try to explain but she either just gives me the silent treatment or yells at me. i feel so fucking guilty and like a failure. what kind of kid am i?
she often tells me “you never give me a hug” which isn’t true. i give her one every day, i make sure i do. before i leave for school and when i go to bed. she encourages me to talk to and hug my dad but whenever i do she gets jealous and starts asking me why i never talk to her or be affectionate with her, when i do, more than with him. then she tells me to go away and gives me the silent treatment.
i hate giving her hugs. a few times, she slapped by butt and when i look at her uncomfortably she said “what, do you think i’m a creep?”. i cry when walking home from school because i don’t want to be near her but it’s so stupid, i act like such a bitchy teenager. when i was little she was very affectionate with me because my dad was never home, always hugging/kissing me and maybe she feels sad now that that’s gone.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
UsMhjxdAH1f2zH4kxlr92LFASfk5sauz
|
at89bu
|
{
"description": "tracking my wife's location via her phone",
"pronormative_score": 91,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for tracking my wife's location via her phone
|
The day before yesterday my wife went for dinner after work with a (female) friend of hers while I was at my regular's table. She told me beforehand that she'll be back home around 8pm.
Our table finished earlier than usual and I called her to tell her that I'll be home sooner. She didn't pick up. That's not too unusual, so I didn't give it a thought and drove home. Upon arrival I noticed her car not being there. A little bit worried, but not overly concerned. Called her again, no response.
Got home, did some housework, sat on the couch, watched some TV.
10 pm. Wife didn't call back yet. Sent her a text asking when she'll be home (I actually asked her in the afternoon that I need her to revisit some paperwork with me that must be turned in the next day, she didn't reply but message was marked as read).
10:30 pm. Still no sign of life. Since we both have to get up very early we usually go to bed at 10 pm
11 pm. Called her 2 times. This has not happened before without any notice, so I'm getting nervous. My wife is a strong woman and can help herself out, but it's a big city and anything can happen. So I opened the laptop and went to android/find. If it's a familiar place I can relax.
It was, luckily. I thought everything was fine and since I've tried this feature on my account and never received a notice that my phone is being located I thought that she wouldn't find out. Unfortunately, she got one and is understandably mad at me. But I was genuinely worried and couldn't see any other option...
She came home at 0:30 and was all grumpy yesterday because of the lack of sleep and blamed me for not trusting her...
Is this an asshole move or just stupidity?
Not sure if this is more of a TIFU now that I've typed this...well, whatever
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 76,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 15,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 91,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
VhwZe9T6pPiH3ha5A9yqUWG8tRS7xTo4
|
afbcwf
| null |
AITA: Got laid off and refusing to train my replacement
|
I got laid off due to company losing a lot of business. We have had rounds of layoffs since I have been here. I worked over 40 hours a week all the time and was a top performer. I feel I was laid off because I make more money than others. We have remote people and I am in a high cost area.
I got a decent severance package (2 weeks notice and 10 weeks pay after that). However, I live near DC. Most tech work is government contracting and with the government shut down everything is on hold and most jobs require background checks that require weeks of time. I got a call for a job that is 6 weeks to do background after I get an offer and before I can start. The severance pay does not include medical. I have to go on COBRA which is expensive. Its a new year so our deductibles just reset. So I am going on COBRA next month, then when I get a new job, my deductible resets again which is totally irritating.
I am not going to be homeless. I will get a new job. Commute is an issue. I hate long commutes. Traffic around here is bad.
I am pretty ticked off that I was the one laid off on the team given my level of performance. He wants me to do a 'knowledge transfer' (train my replacement) to do my work. Honestly, if someone else got laid off I wouldnt need a knowledge transfer, I could just figure it out. Done this for 20 years. I have blown him off. I work from home and did not come online. Don't pick up his calls. Ignore his texts. He is pleading with me for a knowledge transfer so service is not interrupted. Why should I care?
I have one week left working here. I don't see a reason to pass along anything. What do I get out of it? Its not like I resigned and gave 2 weeks notice. This group is losing business. The headquarters is a 1000 miles away. They would not rehire me due to being in a high cost area and they want to target people in cheaper parts of the country or India. So there is nothing in it for me.
Do I owe them anything? I did get a decent severance package. However, I was here for 5 years.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
n1GhedrGntdb1bP4GCKrYTeaCeMAhGMn
|
9tu4e7
|
{
"description": "not wanting anymore friends",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting anymore friends?
|
Female, 30 years old.
Over the past few months I have been ‘struggling’ with a luxury problem. I have come to the realization that in my lifetime so far, I have managed to cultivate 5 friendships with 5 different women. I have known them now between 8-24+ years. These are the people I genuinely consider to be my friends. Anyone outside these 5 are either in the category family or acquaintances.
When it comes to friends, we are there for each other for ups and downs. We know each other intimately and really care and love each other. So when it comes to big life events like graduation, relationships, moving into a new home, promotions at jobs or things like death in the family I am there for them and I genuinely want to be (and vice versa). Acquaintances to me are just people I happen to know that I can do drinks with or watch a movie, but the level of intimacy is shallow and superficial and I prefer it that way. If an acquaintance would ask me to borrow money or sleep on my couch for a month because they are suddenly homeless, I would find that strange and wonder where their friends or loved ones are, since I don’t think of them that way.
One example is this girl that I happen to know 8+ years who used to be my neighbor. She struggles with bouts of depression and other psychological issues which probably makes it difficult for her to make and keep friends. When I first met her she would occasionally have really negative moments where I did not enjoy being in her company. But over the years I must admit she has made improvements with regards to the negative energy she used to exude and seems to be in a better place. If we meet up (max 3 times a year) it is always on her initiative because I never call/text her. If I would never hear from her again I wouldn’t really mind because I see her more as just an acquaintance anyway. However I can tell she probably does see me as a friend, or if not that she wants us to become closer friends. However I really don’t feel the same way. And I know that making friends as an adult is hard, especially if you don’t have your core group as I’ve managed to luckily cultivate. And it’s not just her. If I would meet the most awesome person in the world tomorrow, I still wouldn’t be interested in becoming friends because I feel that in that regard I’m good. And in general I notice that I am really conscious about not giving anybody that I newly meet the impression that I am their friend (or interested to be) and that they can have these expectations from me that I’m supposed to be there for them.
AITA for actively not trying to develop anymore friendships even though I can tell that some people may be lonely and would likely benefit from it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
teOKMk1gytLa47EezF9tg8vGtIqfLE4S
|
ap0wkd
|
{
"description": "being upset at my mom for not letting me see my sister",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset at my mom for not letting me see my sister?
|
Disclaimer: am on mobile and first post here. Been lurking for a while
Bit of backstory: apparently my sister (v) lied to my mom about something about 7 years back and she hasn't been able to forgive her.
Recently my v came from Florida to come visit us and go skiing and my dad paid with his credit card. When my mom gets home from traveling she checks hers and dads credit card balances. She sees we paid 60 dollars for a meal and starts asking questions about who we went with.
I lied to her knowing I'd get in trouble if I told her the truth. And she asked dad. He told her that we went with v and her boyfriend. And she proceeds to start screaming at my dad for being untrustworthy and me for lying. I start getting pissed off and she keeps yelling and saying that I'm a liar. She yells at me asking why I lied. And i responded "Because you always scream and get pissed whenever we see v!" She then proceeded to send me to my room, where I am typing this now.
AITA for being upset at my mom for not letting me see my sister?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
lKwa9Mqx9XkEL5Hu0IgVvJR2e7MtElkz
|
ba1868
|
{
"description": "finally telling my friends (on messenger) they don't value me as a friend, but during exam season",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for finally telling my friends (on messenger) they don't value me as a friend, but during exam season?
|
A disclaimer: I have multiple friends groups that I rotate between and am a person who tries to put a lot of effort into relationships. I have no problems with my social life.
This is one exception! For months now, I've been feeling left out from a small group of friends I made in my first year (I'm at the end of my third year now). The relationship has always been a laughy, jokey, meme-filled one, and we've had some good times, but I always felt left out. This is amplified now. They act clique-y, talk over me, only care about themselves, and only take, take, take. They try to one-up my stories, never ask me about my interests, and always try to take the higher moral ground...and I stay silent, because they're otherwise nice and I don't want to start drama.
They're also incredibly sensitive and love to complain, and if you go against their hive mind, they attack you. As a result, I developed this weirdly fake persona around them. I'm this "happy-go-lucky", "meme-y", "goofy" person with them all the time because they can't handle any deep conversation. It's exhausting.
Recent events have been strange. My sister had a fight with a friend from the group because he never gave her any effort while she put in a lot. Three of them broke off and made a separate group chat and try to hide it. There have been more lies and weird stuff going on that's too much to explain here. It's gotten sketchy and I can't handle this bullshit.
It just so happens that I recently quit my retail job and have been on a journey to stop being a people pleaser and doormat. So today, I mentioned a joke on the group chat that offended one of my friends (it was a picture from the Bikini Bottom subreddit, the one about "when you roast the sensitive friend in your group" and Patrick and Spongebob are trying to fix Squidward's art) and I just went OFF. I said they never value me as a friend, they never put in the effort, they're too sensitive, they're childish, they need to act like adults, etc.
My friends were responding by taking the higher moral ground (ex. I said "I wish you asked me how I was and delved into my interests sometimes" and she said "I will only change for my Mom and God"), however what got to me was that a friend said I was terrible for doing this during exam season and that I was an asshole for stressing them out when they were already stressed. That's when I left the chat.
I feel really bad about it guys. The feelings were strong and I felt so much lighter after finally sharing what I felt, and I knew that if I waited I would convince myself to stay silent again, but I really didn't want to hurt them during exam season because it's such a hard time mentally for most students. They're not inherently mean people (but they are self-centered).
Am I the asshole for venting my feelings during this difficult time?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
LO12kWoNg2ubs9GSAgMmqzJxnd7MTRCW
|
b8ztn2
|
{
"description": "avoiding my mother in law",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for avoiding my mother in law?
|
So, my spouse and I moved to a new state last year and were renting an apartment when the mother in law said she was moving out of the country but didn’t want to sell her house. She told us she’d be gone for three years, and wanted us to move in and pay her mortgage and generally upkeep the home. I didn’t want to move in but my spouse convinced me this would be the best for our savings, so we sold a bunch of our furniture and moved in, since she didn’t get a storage unit like she said she would. 5 months later MIL comes back for a two week vacation, only that’s turned into two months, and now she’s saying she might not go back to the other country at all. Now my spouse and I are going to have to move out, in a worse financial position than we started, and hardly any furniture.
Anyways, she’s moving all of my things around, not helping to clean at all, and I don’t think we should be paying the entire mortgage and utilities while she’s here too, but my spouse doesn’t want to upset her and keeps saying this is “her house” but it’s my home, I’m essentially paying to be here and I wouldn’t be here if she hadn’t asked. My spouse is not setting any boundaries with my MIL. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
D2TjflhwytgxPoq1rB7xUtqzlUdFhPTN
|
auerej
|
{
"description": "making a potentially offensive joke to a gay coworker",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for making a potentially offensive joke to a gay coworker?
|
I think a little background is necessary. My coworker and I, let’s call him Tom, have never directly worked with each other. A position I used to hold was responsible for bringing in new people and making sure they were getting their proper training and answering any questions they may have. This is how we were acquainted. On many occasions I would stop and talk with him, I’ve consulted him and helped him learn and do things to advance his career. During these interactions we got fairly comfortable and would speak freely. I know he is gay and we’ve even joked on the subject before. He knows my brother is gay and I literally got ordained so I could marry him to his now husband.
The incident..
A couple of weeks ago me and two other coworkers were chatting and joking around. Tom came walking through the area and stopped and joined our conversation. Him and I began to kind of trade jokes with each other. One of the people there stopped us and said “calm down guys, no need to be like that.” Tom replied “Oh, we do this all the time. We just see who is the bigger asshole.” I replied “Something tells me you would win that battle.” Tom got a super serious look on his face and says “On that note, this is where I walk away.”
I’ve seen him numerous times since then and always say hi or try to spark conversation but he gives me a cold shoulder or a quick reply. I’ve even seen him kind of go out of his was to avoid going by me.
AITA for making that joke?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
NYIEVAGOOBSntPd9fC4ioyuWxc5oksPl
|
b7jevw
|
{
"description": "telling my friend she's been overly harsh to someone who left a funeral service early",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my friend she's been overly harsh to someone who left a funeral service early?
|
This happened a few months ago, but it's still not settled. Here goes:
My friend, who we'll call Beth, left town for a week to attend a funeral and some kind of memorial service thing that was a few days afterward. I didn't personally know the deceased, who we will call Sophie, but Beth was good friends with her before Sophie died in a car accident. A third friend in that circle who was close with both Beth and Sophie, who we will call Nick, also attended the funeral.
Beth tells me that Nick left after the first funeral service, saying that he wanted to visit his girlfriend, instead of attending the memorial thing.
I don't know really know Nick except from a few common social events. I didn't know Sophie before she died at all. So I can't presume to know what Nick was thinking or exactly how close he was with Sophie. So all I know is what he said to Beth before she told me:
Beth gave me the whole enchilada to eat at once and asked my opinion. She said that she texted with Nick after he left, that he replied in short sentences with little information or sharing, and that she told him he was letting Sophie's memory down and saying that he cared more about getting laid than about his dead friend. After she said these things to him, Nick stopped talking to her for good.
Beth said that Nick was being a huge asshole who was throwing away a friendship she thought was special. I said that he might be an asshole, but she was definitely too harsh with him if she wanted to remain friends. I said to her that accusing someone of not caring about their dead friend is enough to drive someone away, whether it's true or not.
Beth thinks I was being an asshole for saying that, making excuses for bad behavior. Beth believes what she said to Nick was justified and that he's the asshole for cutting her off.
AITA? I hope I explained this clearly enough.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
a1v71kUNIkVvxOAdOJbdhKRfe9AHKOSq
|
a1ng96
|
{
"description": "treating bad my 1 and half YO sister",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For treating bad my 1 and half YO sister?
|
The first time i saw my little sister i was confused, after 12 years telling my parents that i needed a little company, i didn't feel very comfortable with it. My mom had 2 lost of the embryo by doing excessive force in my house, she did it by his own, and i and my dad didn't know bout' it.
Now, i think my parents are educating their daughter horrible af. She knows how to handle YouTube so see the videos she likes (Yeah, that horrible ones that are supposed to be for the kids. Elsa and Spider by example) She does it with extremely precision on the tactile of the mobile, changing one video to other and skipping the ads. BTW she gets angry every time we take it out, maybe screaming very loud and stuff, everywhere & anytime.
She's irritable too, she treats me bad and then my parents tell me I'm a bad brother, when she had a accident 2 days ago i was on the garden and she almost crushed her fingers with the wooden door. My parents yelled at me saying why the fuck i was not there.
Time to time, i started getting soooo tired of the situation, thinking that she's the favourite and I'm a dumbass that stays in the house for no reason. (I'm 13 Y.O)
I don't like to be with my sister, only when I'm the only one in the house and i need to take care of her. We don't do anything together than eating at the night. She looks a bit disappointed of my behavior with her, apparently my parents don't give a fuck while i don't do something bad to her, and i will not obviously.
But i don't like to stay with her in ANY situation that doesn't requires my presence 100%. No hugs, no love each other. Nothing.
Then i start to think if I'm being an asshole doing all this stuff even after what my mother did to give me a company in this shitty life i will live. I'm not to worried about it, just when i think that, when my parents die, who will be my only company then? Yeah, she will be.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
awPwNSFzq6WOKArXxyRMnXSKJcxNHBFW
|
aq0x39
|
{
"description": "breaking a kid's RipStik",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for breaking a kid's RipStik?
|
Throwaway because my coworkers browse reddit
​
Backstory: In middle school I was a smaller kid, and my family wasn't well off to boot although my parents were always able to provide for me and have a roof over my head. At one point, the big thing at school was RipStiks. All the cool kids had one and if you didn't have one you were lame. Since my family wasn't really well off, I never got one even though I constantly asked for one, which is totally fine. However since I didn't get one I was always tormented, and I remember one particularly bad experience with the cool kids riding them they would go in circles around me and then one by one the bigger kids would rush at me on their boards and push me around. It was a pretty traumatic experience at the time. Which leads me to now.
​
I walk a few miles to and from work, and in the middle of my journey is a park with grass and a bit of a skater area. A few days ago there were these two kids riding around on ripstiks and I got kinda nostalgic and looked at them for a second. I then turned and kept walking, but the kids took it badly that I was there for some reason. One of the kids started skating towards me and circling around me saying stuff like "What the hell are you looking at old man?". At one point he skated a little too close and I freaked out, reliving my traumatic experience in middle school and I pushed him off his board and he landed in the grass. Then I picked up his board and smashed it a few times against the sidewalk, and it broke into pieces. I saw the kid about to start crying so I ran the rest of the way home hoping he would forget what I look like.
​
Seeing them ride around made me want to live the childhood experience I lost out on, so I ended up buying a ripstik of my own from walmart so I could maybe ride it to work. It ended up being harder than expected to ride so I kind of tossed that idea, but when I was telling my coworker about my new board he asked why I bought it and I told him the story above, and he called me a fucking asshole. He wouldn't let up even though I explained that I have some childhood bully trauma and those kids reminded me of it, so I'm here asking if you guys think I was justified in what I did.
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
FEcXGC3WpDrazfCw0y3CHlUeXNgSXoTl
|
b26yzl
|
{
"description": "wanting back my furniture",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting back my furniture?
|
Im on my mobile rn sorry for formating issues
So my roomie 1 and I badly needed a third flatmate to share the rent after my brother moved out for personal reasons in february 2018. We found a new flatmate in April 2018 and left the staff of my brother in the room for the new guy. We made it clear that its actually mine and I can get it back if I like to.
Fast forward to today I really do need the cupboard. Roomie 1 says its a dickmove of mine in wanting the staff back and I really am confused. I also wanted to tell him that he can have as much time as he needs, so he is in no hurry for the next 4 months.
Am I the asshole in wanting my furniture that I paid for Back?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
NlrH1ulJ45lExmpA3IZQnq7aGl5D2L5v
|
aiav2g
|
{
"description": "telling my mother to stay out of my finances",
"pronormative_score": 55,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for telling my mother to stay out of my finances?
|
I’m a 35 year old man. i live in my brother’s home. I work full time, but make shit money. My brother is a veteran with PTSD, an alcoholic, and drug addict. He lives off of disability from the VA. He gets paid twice as much as I do to play video games and drink all day. He got his home and mortgage through the VA. He begged me to leave my roommates and live with him. I pay rent. $400/ a month. Half his mortgage without the property taxes. Utilities are free. I get a small bedroom, street parking, and access to the laundry, bathroom, and kitchen. Its not terrible, and I have been able to save a bit of money and pay off most of my college loans.
Now, my brother had hit hard times because his vices are out of control. He smokes $100 of weed a week. Drinks two pints of rum a day ($11), and smokes a pack of cigarettes a day. That is at least $870 a month. That is what I make in two weeks. That is only 1/4 his monthly pay. I should point out that my brother is fully capable of working but cannot hold down a job because he shows up to work high or drunk.
He begged me to live here. Promised parking space in The garage and that he would build me an apartment in the basement.
Now, he has hit hard time because of his own vices. He went to my enabler mother for money. She told him to raise my rent i stead of drinking less or getting a job.
This felt like an utter betrayal to me. I left my friend’s apartment where i was happy because i was lured with off street parking and an apartment of my own in the future to help him out. I was doing him a favor. Helping the family.
Then my mother starts trying to convince him to raise my rent so he can afford his home and his booze and drugs.
When i found out, I felt betrayed. I told her to stay out of my finances. I told her that if she convinces him to raise my rent, i will just get an apartment of my own (you can get them as low as $600 a month around here). I told her that she can then keep my brother afloat and pay the rent I no longer pay.
This went over really well.
Am I the asshole for telling my mother not to counsel my brother/landlord to raise my rent to pay for his drug habits?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 55,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 55,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
ENeNmdj8AiKha9daLzQ3OCGQGCCqKLei
|
acvj3o
|
{
"description": "not wanting my gf to go to gatherings with the guy she cheated with from her past relationship",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting my gf to go to gatherings with the guy she cheated with from her past relationship?
|
The gatherings are usually birthday celebrations with other close friends. It hasn't happened, but when it does (and there's a huge chance it will) she would go. This guy used to be her best friend and one time at a Christmas party (with the same set of people) they were both drunk and almost had sex. She tells me she regrets it but they never talked about it and both acts as if it never happened. She had a different boyfriend at the time and he didn't find out about it at all (they broke up due to different reasons). Fast forward to today, the thought of her in the same situation with alcohol and the guy gets me all irrational and overthinking. I of course don't want her to miss out on these reunions with friends but I just can't help not being afraid she might do the same to me what she did with her ex.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
e1uBB382F8UWcaSf3yo7jAlDZUuLxkq5
|
aox2qe
|
{
"description": "telling a lady to \"fuck off\" as she kept telling me to move my car while I was getting my baby out",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for telling a lady to “fuck off” as she kept telling me to move my car while I was getting my baby out
|
Ok, so yesterday I went out to the lake with my family to give my baby (3 months) her first swim of the summer.
There was an event on at the front of the lake so we went around the back. My parents, brother and his son took a separate car. My partner, daughter and I took our car. Everyone was parking on the side grass area and I told my partner to go to the main parking bit.
Our daughter was getting upset at this stage so I told my partner to park in one of the 10 empty parks. There was a mini bus beside us and the driver was telling us to move (it seemed so they could just drive straight and get out). I was out of the car getting my daughter out and I told the mini bus driver to just reverse, I was getting my baby out.
Another lady then came over and was telling us to move. I said no that we wouldn’t move and the mini bus could just reverse and go around us. She said something like “so you expect the runners to go around you just because you have a baby”. I just told her to “fuck off”. She then walked closer to me (at this point I had my baby in her car seat out of the car, and she said to me “what’d you say” (I’m 27F and she would have probably been 50F). I said “I said fuck off”. She then said “I’ll punch your lights out”. I told her that if she did that I’d phone the police.
My partner wound down the window and said “did you just say you’d punch my baby”. I don’t think he heard her properly.
An older man came over to move the lady away from me and diffuse the situation. My dad also ran over and happened to know the older lady so he told her to calm down.
My partner eventually moved the car to another spot as none of us realized that the event was a running event and the runners were running through the parking lot. I told the lady to put up some cones if people were not to park there, not just assume that people wouldn’t park in an empty space.
So, AITA for telling this lady to “fuck off” when she was trying to make us move for what seemed like no reason at all?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
SuxhOGvXbCYcgIMatdwVhDPTd0FyR4TA
|
ac1m8t
|
{
"description": "posting an aita",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for posting an AITA?
|
Throwaway account for now obvious reasons...
A couple days I posted an AITA that was fairly benign basically about someone being flaky. Judgement was NTA, not sure if that’s relevant.
In any case, a couple days later I get some strongly worded messages, like “you are so desperate for attention” “keep your shit to yourself” and “spend less time complaining on the internet and more time talking to ME. You’re so desperate for attention it’s sad.” Clearly she knows my reddit username.
That was the whole point though, I tried to communicate with her and she was being flaky. Does it make me desperate for attention for posting about it, and more importantly AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
GPyyGp5bYe5TEvWD8NLy92ZuPiHJCRUo
|
b70xzj
| null |
AITA - My bf is selling the gift I got him to buy something else
|
AITA - Basically the day before Valentine’s day we went to the mall and I still hadn’t gotten him anything. He was like “I really want some Beats studio headphones lol” and I was like “ok, let me get you them!” He was in shock cause I’m normally really stingy. We went to the Apple store, he bought the Beats, and I sent him the money through Zelle. Now he’s saying that Bose headphones are better and he wants to sell the Beats to buy some Bose qc35 ones instead. I don’t like this at all because I spent $300 of my own money on his headphones, he cant just sell them and keep the money? Something about that seems unfair. Who’s the asshole here? Would it be wrong of me to ask for my money back?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
RiZAOrAzqdhD2Ot59t03rNBMwIknB1Xd
|
anbwoj
|
{
"description": "kicking someone from a group chat",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for kicking someone from a group chat?
|
Hi. My friends and I are in high school (I don't know if that matters or not) and there is a guy that we all think of as a friend. We'll call him John. John is kind of annoying. He's always yelling and when we play video games he screams at us and the other team. We ask him to stop and he says he will but he never does. It's not always like this though. He also has good moments where he's calm and quite enjoyable to be around.
This has been happening for months and we've all gotten tired of it so a week ago we decided to remove John from our group chat for a third time. He's been messaging some of us saying that he's sorry and that he won't do it again, but that's what he said the other two times. I feel bad because when he's not yelling he's really nice.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
93wwszLa4UFqdEGuu7IMGcCd8mtqB2Nn
|
b8ugn8
|
{
"description": "not wanting my bf to invite his friend to our wedding",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not wanting my bf to invite his friend to our wedding?
|
My bf has a very bad friend, this guy always talks about hookers and how he finds this girl or that girl is fuckable or not. There was one time I read a mesage from him in my bf’s phone, this was before we got into our relationship , he said to my bf that he wanted to fuck his friend’s gf and how he found her to be really hot. I just really hate this kind of douchebag but my bf insisted on inviting him to the wedding , I said I never want to meet that kind of people especially in my wedding and then we had a heated argument and he wanted to break up with me. So , Am I the asshole? Should I just ignore his friend in the wedding or should I keep my opinion?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
n0yqPWZkIPD9l5uyWmqkNoZ8uXDSHxsX
|
b2swuf
|
{
"description": "deleting my ex from social media and phone contacts",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for deleting my ex from social media and phone contacts?
|
Throwaway in case anyone I know is on here.
I'm currently in college and I dated my ex back in junior year high school. I had asked her out early in the school year, and the relationship lasted a little past our school's homecoming (2 months). She was always adamant about being honest with each other, so when she broke up with me saying she just needed a break, I trusted her, and believed we'd get back together.
Move forward a few weeks, and I got a text along the lines of "I think I want to get back together, but I'm not certain". Even then as I was blindly wanting to get back together with her, I knew that the text seemed like the kind of thing that could be setting me up for failure. After a weekend of silence from her, she says that she didn't want to get back together. I asked why, and she said that she didn't want to date someone who wasn't a practicing Christian, something that she knew I wasn't for years. I asked why it was suddenly a problem, and she said that it was why she dumped me, and that she'd been thinking about breaking up for several weeks before doing it. That time included our homecoming, a night that I once thought was the best night of my life. When I asked why she never told me this when she was preaching honesty, she said something like "I didn't want you to think you didn't have a chance with me".
Over the next few months, I received texts like "I miss __, __, and __ from when we were together", "seeing other couples makes me wish we were dating again", and eventually another "I think I want to get back together", while switching between not minding if I'm not religious, and it being a deal breaker. She knew that I still wasn't over her, but she sent those texts and got upset if I mirrored the sentiments. After all that, I was finally done, but she wasn't; she insisted on going to junior prom together, despite saying that she had zero desire to date me again just a few days earlier, amongst other things.
I eventually realized she was only making my depression worse, but by this point in time, she was a part of my friend group. Everyone seemed happy to have her there, so I never told anyone from that friend group about what she put me through. Last semester, many of my college friends (none went to my high school) had me talk about this relationship. They said that I should cut her from my life entirely, so I deleted her on social media, her number, and the conversation history.
A few days ago, I get a text from her questioning if I'd deleted her from Facebook, and forgetting I'd deleted her number too, asked who I was talking to, which upset her. She asked why I did it and I told her she had tried to build a friendship on lies and empty promises, that the friendship was toxic to me, and after a time it just collapsed, plus she wasn't making any effort to stay friends. She hasn't responded since, and I'm feeling like I was too harsh. So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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