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b7awu5
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{
"description": "being friends with someone else",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being friends with someone else?
|
Ok so just a warning:
Yes we are teenagers
Yes this some real "cliche drama"
But can i just please get some reflection here regardless of how stupid it is
And also i apologize English is not My first language
Ok, so my best friend (BFF) intruduced another friend(NF) to our friend group a couple of months ago and NF was nice and funny and all that plus i have helped her quite a bit when she was sad and all that. This has led to me and NF talking via Snapchat quite a bit and there is this system on Snapchat where it shows you if you are the one they talk to the most with and vice versa. So NF becomes the person that I talk the most to and BFF who previously had that position immidietly asks who it is and i tell her and she just explodes and starts crying and saying that i have replaced her which i try to tell her i have not and never will. She thinks im the asshole and has been ignoring me for a while now so AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
at0A3B42yivWWB9J0PmvPv3oJ8kmQtrI
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b22922
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{
"description": "telling my wife I was done",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling my wife I was done?
|
My MIL has always made snide remarks about my wife and I's marriage, things like "you can always get a new husband, but you'll only have one mother".
Today we were eating dinner with them and she made a comment saying "the hospital always knows who the mother is, the father could be anyone" now, usually I enjoy banter but my wife had been unfaithful the last year, nothing physical to my knowledge, but here we are. (There's practically a 0% chance its not my kid, me and my wife work together.)
Now, my wife has spoken to her about these comments before, yet she still makes them. Later on I told my wife I was done with her mother, and that I didn't want her in our child's life (just found out she's pregnant 5 days ago). My wife got pissed and I left saying I was done. I'm having a hard time self reflecting on if I'm wrong here. Later, my wife called me out and took her mother's side saying that her mom had said it from a medical perspective, but everyone in that room knows it wasn't in that context. Help.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 2
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|
RIGHT
|
d4wcIPSHyOLZhOVFJeRiwstwCsk90K5F
|
ap0mnl
|
{
"description": "keeping a distant friend blocked after they lost it at me and unfriended me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For keeping a distant friend blocked after they lost it at me and unfriended me?
|
**TL;DR at the bottom**
For context - I had known this person since 8th grade at school. I'm [M] in second year at university now. I had never really been a close friend with them and most of our conversation was digital; we rarely hung out in person. I'll call her Jane.
I'm an introverted person who will sometimes decline going out, mostly due to my anxiety, and I don't leave the house much at all except for Uni, work, or when something has been meticulously planned - while to the contrary Jane is almost never home and is very spontaneous. I had enjoyed our friendship as we had both respected each other's way of socialising. Jane respected my boundaries and never really pushed me to go out anywhere with her - although she had the offer on the table and occasionally I took it. Our friendship was mostly counselling each other whenever we needed it as well as casual chat about our lives and stuff.
In April last year I had organised with my closest 3 friends (not Jane, she doesn't socialise with them and she would likely have her own activities with her friends) to do something for New Years' Eve. I planned this so far in advance because I wanted the date to be saved and take precedence over any other plans, incl. family plans. You should understand that I am very close with these friends, we share everything, and I can't see some of them much at all due to time constraints, and one of them lives >200Km away now. We had decided that NYE would be a time where it's just us and not other people, as this was a rare and special time for us all to meet up without the social anxiety of others.
On the morning of New Years' Eve, Jane messaged me and asked if I would like to go and go to [some event] with her and her friends that night. I declined citing I had my own plans. She then got mad at me for rarely going anywhere or doing anything with her (which to me seemed like a sudden change of standards in our friendship). She unfriended and blocked me. I was quite taken aback and deeply hurt by this and it bothered me for the next few days. I had been considering if I should have said something or tried to make plans, but what could I do? Around Jan 3 she tried to add me back but I blocked her because I was just sick of the guilt she was giving me and her newfound lack of respect for our differences.
Today a friend of hers messaged me asking if I could add her back and discuss things. Saying that Jane "needs me", and saying that Jane had been having dreams where I was hurt in them. On one hand I want to see what she has to say now, but on the other hand I just don't like toxicity as it really ruins my day and I just don't have it in what seems to be my socially defective self. But is it too far to just keep her blocked now? Sure, she started it, but is that really the best excuse?
Thank you for your time.
**TL;DR,** friend blew up at me for declining spending an evening with her, because I already had plans with friends. She blocked me, and when she unblocked me a few days later I blocked her back because I just wanted the toxicity to stop. Now her friend says that she "needs me".
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
af703f
|
{
"description": "throwing mouse corpses into a school",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for throwing mouse corpses into a school?
|
Our house backs on to the playing field of a8 primary school (UK, kids aged 4-11). There is a low fence between our garden and the field. Kids seldom but occasionally approach right to our fence.
Our cat likes to kill stuff. We try to stop this by keeping her in at night but occasionally she sneaks in with a little mouse corpse. When she does, I dispose of it by chucking it over the back fence. A family of foxes lives back there so I assume they get rid of it, and if not, kids love dead things, right?
I could put them in the bin but when she brings in live ones I put them back over the fence so must have got in the habit.
TL;DR when our cat brings in dead mice is it bad to chuck them onto a school playing field?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
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|
WRONG
|
S4ct4MpagE3owFS2zxtxcniaaxXdDuyy
|
asdqeu
|
{
"description": "sabotaging a competitive colleague",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for sabotaging a competitive colleague?
|
A few months back, a colleague and I started training in a very competitive graduate programme. While working in the same city, each of us would be based at a different centre: one at a nationally recognised institution that arguably is the more prestigious place to work and train, and one that is more peripheral and probably less attractive to employers. Because I scored marginally higher than him on the entrance exams/interviews, I had first dibs and naturally chose the superior place (the commute was also way better for me honestly). Because he already had some research links at this place, he was quite put-out to be sent to the other centre, and at times it was maybe a bit awkward between us, but I took precedence here and I figure that's just how it goes.
Then, we found ourselves standing against the other to be the student leader of the academic course. In a bizarre and kind-of unprofessional arrangement, people had to verbally vote for who they wanted and explain why. I won the vote almost unanimously, and it was a bit of a cringe-a-thon basically. While we never argued or anything, it was kind of obvious that we weren't going to get on too well and generally stayed out of each other's way. He did drunkenly have a bit of a go at me in a taxi not long after, but I was drunk too and earlier that night I'd (accidentally) knocked his drink all over him and things were a bit high-strung with exams and stuff.
So skipping forward a few months. Working at this big centre, I've talked to my workmates about all this, and this enmity between me and him has kind of become a running joke. I haven't made stuff up or anything, but I've sort-of painted him as this bitter and unpleasant guy, which is only half-true really. When he came to my department for a meeting the other day pretty much everyone had lined up behind me and were definitely cold to him- not horrible, but way chillier than when they met me. He is also a really masculine, muscly Russian guy- I am a gay British guy who is arguably much more savvy about office culture and how it works. While I'd never play "identity office politics" or anything, I think most of the staff have judged him before meeting him, and I haven't really made any effort to stop this.
There is one job at the end of this programme, decided by the staff at my centre. Am I the asshole for cultivating a certain attitude towards this guy in my workplace to ensure I have the best shot at a job, or is this justifiably cutthroat?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
exmhNeCztpXHJHbaoJlUlC6yuXl9pVJB
|
aco2fw
|
{
"description": "cussing out a bitchy classmate",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for cussing out a bitchy classmate?
|
Hello, I've been on Reddit for a while and this is a throwaway for this post. There is a ton of backstory to understand how the dynamics of the class are set up and to understand where I fit in into all of it. You're free to skip it and just read the issue, but it might help to get some of the background. I may have gone into a little too much detail, but I'd rather give more than less so everything is clear.
\*\*Backstory:\*\*
Currently, I'm in a 7 month class for Medical Assisting. The class is full of females, low income, usually single/young moms. Now I want to preface this by saying that I'm in this class to get experience and education for a proper job while I work my way to med school. Most of these other ladies either want to stop here and just get a career to help their family or because they MAY want to go into nursing. Basically, I'm the only one in the class with a proper plan and doing more than just taking care of the house/kids as I live w/ my bf, take 12 hours of classes (college classes 11am-4pm as well as this MA class which is itself 6 hours a day, 4 days a week 530p,-11pm), and work on the weekends. I also have anxiety and depression that I am battling during all of it, hence my lack of patience for stupidity/bitchiness/drama. I know it sounds like I think I'm better than everyone, but honestly, I'm broke as fuck too. Most of these ladies at this time (they've since finished their mods and moved on and have been replaced by wonderful people) acted like they were doing God's work because they had kids. Me talking about how much work I had would be met with "oh you just get good grades, its probably not even hard for you." whilst ALSO thinking that, because I talk to the teacher a lot because I'm literally suicidal that I'm getting extra help LOLOL. What a joke. So yea, I resent these bitches quite a bit for how they treated me and another student in the class. As if it's our fault that they do worse than us because they fail to put in the same amount of effort that we do.
To explain the dynamics of this class, I have to explain how the course is set up. Basically, it is a modular system. For those that haven't heard of it (I didn't when I first started), instead of setting the course/academic year off semesters or quarters, we have a grading period each month and a unit that goes with that month. There is a set order for the course and the course starts at mod #110 and goes to mod # 116 or some such, after which it starts again at 110. New students, instead of starting at the beginning of the whole course (110), usually just start at the beginning of the new mod. This means that the rest of the class could be in a completely different point in the course for themselves. Your first mod may be your classmate's third mod while for someone else, it may be their last mod.
When I first started, there were four other students that started that mod with me and we have since become very good friends. The rest of the class had, to that point, only dealt with 1 or 2 new students. Also, I want to add that the class is \*full\* of Spanish-speaking, Latinas. I, myself, am south-Asian and, as such, have no comprehension of the language or the culture. I'm very quiet, keep to myself, and try to be nice to everyone. I'm not the most outgoing person ever, but I have tons of experience being the quiet, new kid and know I handle it best if I just stay out of everyone's way. This worked very well for the first 3-4 weeks (or so I thought) and I was blissfully going through class thinking all was right with the world. Since the class was full of women \*who have children, sometimes full-grown high school-aged children\*, I just did not think there would be any kind of drama. Also, considering I go to university, I've seen my fair share of classroom settings and, suffice it to say, I have \*never\* seen drama in those classes that compare to the likes of what I faced in this class.
I'm not going to go too much into that as that drama involves a different person whose antics I don't even want to go into. Her name will be Grace. Just understand it was a LOT of shit-talking, lying to administrators, and dropping little firecrackers of bullshit so she could watch it explode in glee. Grace also made one of the smartest people in the class (besides me, no offense to anyone else there) her enemy by bullying her to the point of tears and causing her to have anxiety every day before class. (We'll call her Allison)Why? Because my teacher asked her to stop sharing notes with the rest of the class because they weren't doing any of their own studying and were actually just freeloading off Allison because they couldn't be bothered to put in the work themselves(they would just not show up for 2 out of the 4 days, show up the day before the test to take notes from her and leave during the dinner break. What the actual fuck?). Most people in the class thought it was Allison's decision to stop, but the teacher literally told her she would fail her if she didn't stop unfairly helping other people. My teacher made this announcement in class stating that it was her who told Allison to stop sharing notes and that was my first signal that everything wasn't as hunky dory as I expected. Cue 4 more months of bullshit between Grace and Allison during which Grace turned her target on me because I was also competing with Allison for best grades in the class. My notes are impeccable and I have a photographic memory. Also, since my full-time job is basically studying, I don't do anything else. Also, I want to go to med school, so yes. I will be working my ass off.
​
\*\*Issue:\*\*
Now, since the backstory is done, I can actually go into the issue. Like I said before, most of these women have kids and are single/married. The girl I had an issue with is called Asia. She is 24 and has a 3-year-old. I am 23. So we're pretty similar in age here but with different responsibilities. My teacher sat me next to Asia so that I could help her out. I have no problem with this as long as I don't have to go too much out of my way (I have so much freaking studying to do and stayed up until 2-3am every day trying to get shit done. I was at my wit's end and had zero time to take someone under my wing). To be fair, I don't think my teacher literally expected that as she knew how crazy my schedule was. (I also actually enjoy helping my classmates and used to offer my notes of my own accord to help people out, but a bunch of the bitchy girls got miffed when I didn't have time for a few weeks and thought I was lying so I didn't have to give it to them.) So throughout the weeks, I would answer Asia's, often stupid, questions and let her know the important points I was taking in my notes. I reviewed with her on test days during the dinner hour, tested her on vocab before the quiz, helped her on her homework, etc. I'm a strong believer in "teach a man to fish" rather than "give him one" so I tried my best to give her tips to improve her self-studying. Even so, she barely passed her classes. Not surprised, honestly. She would frequently come into class on test day telling me she "had no time to study" because "took a 3-hour nap" and only had time to get here. Like, okay, sweetie. So obviously, the end of mod comes around at one point and she realizes she is failing. She is in a very bad mood. The desks we sit at are long desks, the kind you get in computer labs in colleges. hence, if one person shakes the desk, the whole row is shaken. As I said before, my notes are impeccable. I take tons of time color-coding, writing everything out with pencil then going back and writing over it, using calligraphy for headers, etc. I use these notes all the time and I like to have something nice to look at. Asia, not understanding or caring, just started slamming shit down on the table. Like, I'm talking taking a gigantic, hardcover textbook and slamming it down on the table so everything was shaking. She took her bag and slammed that on the table too. She threw her heavy ass, full as pencil box and threw it onto the keyboard and even bumped into my right hand (dominant) whilst she was doing all this.
\-I looked at her and asked "Hey can you please stop slamming your stuff on the table, its shaking everything and messing up my notes. Sorry." I even added a sorry in there in case I came off as demanding.
\-This bitch didn't even look up and said: "if you don't like it, you can move."
\-I was so taken aback by her attitude, I responded "Excuse me?" to give her a chance to backtrack and because I genuinely didn't understand her rudeness.
\-She was like "You heard me." At this point, I was seething. As I said before, I \*do not\* have time for unnecessary rudeness, bullshit, or drama. NONE. Also, the fact that I was on edge all this time, my anger was always just boiling under the surface.
\-So I coolly tell her "If you have something else on your mind, that's fine. Don't be taking that shit out on me."
\-And she was like "This is my spot. I can do what I want. If you don't like it, move." There wasn't anything I was comfortable doing at that point because I knew if I opened my mouth, I would say something I regretted. So I shut up. The next day, I stay 3 rows back from her and didn't even bother to look at her when she walked in. She came up to me and apologized saying "I don't want to have bad blood between us. We spend so many hours in this class, we don't have time for drama." Agreed. I was kind of done with her shit by this point; she talks about everyone behind their back and doesn't put in any effort for her work but throws a tantrum every time this is reflected in her grades. She then bitches about how Allison gets good grades (and probably how I got good grades too, lmao). Our relationship was k
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
WRONG
|
LrQqhe7SCfEsPzX52ugrYpIh3XOaRR1h
|
alzcab
|
{
"description": "getting too drunk and waking up my roommate who then took care of me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting too drunk and waking up my roommate who then took care of me?
|
Months back, I drank too much alcohol one night and came home to my apartment around 11pm. Obviously since I was very drunk, I don't remember too much detail from the night itself. But I was worried I was **dangerously** drunk (it's happened before), so I called my mom to see if she thought I needed to go to the hospital.
​
She asked if any of my roommates were home (one was), and to see if they were awake and what they thought. So I knocked on my roommate's door (IDK if he was asleep or not, can't remember), and he took the phone and started talking to my mom, reassuring her "It's ok, I'm going to take care of him and make sure nothing happens, etc." (He's a very nice guy, sincerely.) I think he put on a movie or something and just sorta made sure I didn't choke on vomit or stop breathing or something. (Again, I don't really remember.) We had only been roommates for about a month, so we weren't childhood besties or anything, but we had gotten along swimmingly during that time and really clicked.
​
The next morning, I woke up massively hungover and vaguely remember what happened the night before. I was late to work, but before I left I wrote him a thank you note, telling him how much I appreciate what he did, that I've been struggling really badly with alcoholism for the past 2-3 years (I'm 25, he's 29) but I'm doing a lot to get better and trying really hard to stay sober, and that I'd like to take him out to dinner or buy him an xbox game or something to repay him. I slid the note under his door and went to work.
​
That was the last we ever interacted really. He hasn't said a word to me or looked me in the eye in MONTHS. We used to hang out all the time. Now, whenever he is home, he always has his headphones on, cooks dinner and takes it into his room to eat, he moved the tv from the common area into his room so he can watch it in there (we bonded when we first met over liking the same movies and shows, and watched a lot office together.) I always say "hey" or "What's up" when I see him, he never responds (literally no response.) I try occasionally to make conversation, it never happens. I asked if he wanted to watch a movie, he just shook his head. The whole time I'm just thinking "...Damn..."
​
I asked him point-blank if I did anything to upset him after a few weeks of this. He said "No." and went back to what he was doing. He's European so maybe it's partly a culture thing? He's a really nice guy; I know this because we were good friends when I first moved in.
​
It's never cool to get so drunk that you need someone to make sure you don't need hospitalization; I feel bad that I put him through that. **FULL DISCLOSURE**: As I mentioned, I've been struggling with alcoholism, along with depression, pretty badly. My dad and my brother are alcoholics (I'm told there's a family gene that makes it worse?). I was at my worst senior year of college; I had to be hospitalized four separate times after drinking too much, always by myself. The final time I was hospitalized, I was found passed out on a public sidewalk at 4pm on a Monday, woke up in the ER and was told I blew a 0.4 BAC. I went to rehab for alcohol a month later, and was sober for a few months, but I relapsed on the night of this story when I went on a date that I thought went really well but was then told she didn't really like me (or something like that). I had a moment of weakness/insecurity/shame and went to a local bar to avoid feeling my emotions. The night unfolded as you might imagine and I ended up getting drunk enough to worry seriously that I needed to go to the hospital again.
​
Other than this one area of my life, which I'll admit has negatively affected many people around me the past few years (namely parents, ex-gf, and college roommates) and nearly killed me on several occasions, I try to be a really considerate person. I care \*a lot\* about making sure I'm treating people with kindness and consideration and respect, and that they feel comfortable around me. My past girlfriends have all told me what they really liked about me is how sweet and kind they think I am. And this roommate is also a very kind and good person. But I can tell he just fucking hates me. I'm moving out in a few months, and he's been living here for much longer than I have, so I'm just gonna bite the bullet and respect that and try to spend as much time out of the house as possible so that he doesn't have to feel uncomfortable in his own home (which he clearly is when I'm around.)
​
Dude fuckin hates me, hates when I'm around, and wants nothing to do with me and makes that clear. Is it because I'm an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
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alb17w
|
{
"description": "wanting my elderly mother to live with me and my family even though my husband is against it",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting my elderly mother to live with me and my family even though my husband is against it?
|
My mum is such a wonderful person. She has been an amazing mum and a loving grandmother to my daughter. She has just turned 86years old and can no longer live where she is. With her pension she can no longer afford to keep up with the bills and she is now too frail to make it up the stairs. Even though she’ll never admit it I know that she is lonely living alone. Her only options are either a nursing home or to stay with family.
My husband, myself, and our teenage daughter live in a house that is easily big enough to fit another person in. We have a guest ensuite bedroom on the ground floor that would be perfect for my mum and her needs. I know that she would be happier living out her last years with her family. She has always been very daunted by the prospect of going into a nursing home.
After visiting my mum one day and discovering that she was struggling, I went home and sat my husband down to talk to him about her maybe moving in with us. He listened to me and everything I had to say and then responded. His response was that we shouldn’t rule out a nursing home and we can find a really good one. I said that I really don’t think my mum would like to go in one and that’s she’d be happier with us. We have the room so I really didn’t understand his hesitance. I then asked him if there was a particular reason why he didn’t want my mum staying and he replied something on the lines of ‘this is our family home, it would be weird having another person here. Would you feel comfortable if my mum lived here?’ I then responded that if he came to me and told me his mother was struggling on her own I would be the one to offer her to move in. I then went on to say that nursing homes can be very daunting places for the elderly and how would he feel if his mum was made to go in one because I said she couldn’t live with us.
My husband is now in a strop and hasn’t spoken to me for a day.
I really don’t see that I’m the asshole, but maybe I am? Maybe I was too pushy? It hurt my feelings that he was so hesitant to help my mum. It feels like it was really cold hearted of him. But maybe I just need to try and see things from his point of view?
So Reddit. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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| null |
AITA over something that happened years ago?
|
I'm sorry this will be a wall of text but will try to stick to only pertinent information. I tried to TL;DR, can't say it explains it all.
I met my best friend (opposite sex for context, I'll call them Q) over 15 years ago.
We slept together once in the first year or so of knowing each other. It was left at that and was never once spoken of again.
Within this 15 years there are a couple in the middle we weren't in touch.
Get back in touch eight years ago, we are spending a lot of time together, all platonic, I sleep with their best friend after all hanging out together one night within the first 6 months of us being in touch.
We become friends with benefits for no longer than that summer, having hung out without my ever discussing it with best friend. (I was an asshole for this, I know)
Fast forward to present, we see each other at least once a week, talk to each other more. We are both older now, single, and have become each others companion. Never argue, always great way of communicating with each other, hold no punches with anything ever talked about. We are each others confidantes, helping each other through some pretty shitty times.
A couple of months ago, Q drops, "Maybe we should just get married." I question it, they shrug it off. Then they proceed to say these types of things many times in the following months.
I sit Q down, we talk about, (about four weeks ago?) again won't tell me anything about how they really feel, shrugging it off again, but we continue to have a really crazy intimate talk about other things and we sleep together that night. (mistake #106 by now on my behalf, I know)
Since then Q has again mentioned on at least three occasions, let's just get married. We just get along so well. They've has started dropping shit like this almost every time we see each other.
So the last couple of weeks I started thinking about it. Maybe it's been there all along and I neglected to see it. So I decided I'd force the issue when I understood how I felt, which took us to Friday.
We had a great time together, and went back to my place for a drink.
Get drunk, sleep together again. When we woke up, I force the issue, this is either something or we stop the intimacy before it fucks up the friendship. We have two choices as I see it. We talk for a while and agree we both can see a future with each other. It took prying but it's finally admitted, they've pretty much had feelings for me for the entirety of the friendship.
As soon as this happens, they mention that they knew about my sleeping with their best friend. The whole fucking time. All eight years.
And Q doesn't know if they can see past it.
Am I the asshole for having slept with the best friend? Because That's how it felt last night.
Now in the light of day, I feel strung along and a little bit pissed off they've not been honest with me this entire time. And as soon as I tried to talk about any feelings we might have for each other, something I did 8 years ago is going to lose all opportunity to stay friends or anything more.
TL;DR: Friend harboured feelings and when confonted with my own feelings it's thrown in my face I slept with their best friend almost a decade ago.
Please kind people of reddit, who's the asshole? I'm ok if it's me. I'm really just trying to make sense of it all.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b4d55p
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{
"description": "not being part of my biological father's aa",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not being part of my biological father's AA?
|
Before I get started, I am on mobile.
Jumping right it to some background. I (19f) have never actually met my biological father. He was never really present during my mother's pregnancy. He couldn't be bothered to be there when I was born and he used drugs and alcohol to escape after my parents lost my brother (he was a year old and died from a faulty pacemaker).
When I was 12 was the first time I met my biological paternal grandfather, he is amazing. My biological dad didn't come with him and decided to call and try and talk to me, it didn't last long.
Three years passed and I talked to him again over the phone this time for about an hour and a half. I spent that time telling him all the stuff he put me through and how I was better off without him. He tries to have a relationship with me, but wont make an actual effort so it's not worth my time, I have a dad(my stepdad who actually raised me and loves me). Enough background.
Last week my biological father called my mom to apologize for being an awful husband and father (its part of his AA), she told him she forgave him for leaving, but the father part he would need to talk to me. My mother called and asked if I would talk to him. I got frustrated and said I was not going to be a stepping stone on his way to recover and he doesn't deserve forgiveness. She understands and told my biological father that I wasn't giving him my contact info. He was very upset and told my biological grandfather who then called me upset about the situation. So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
tMCwWsSRJRCnychDPmJYkn3p2pIm9C4E
|
ajmcaw
|
{
"description": "not wanting to drive and back a trailer for the first time",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to drive and back a trailer for the first time
|
My friends and I are going away to the lake for the weekend and the place we're staying at has a small boat. Once I told my friends the car I am driving (which is not mine and I am not insured to drive) has a tow bar they started celebrating how much fun it will be going boating. They never explicitly asked me if I was happy to drive the boat down and back it into the water, they just assumed because I had a tow bar that I would do it.
I have never backed a trailer or driven with one before, let alone backed one into the water with a boat on it, and I feel very uncomfortable doing it for the first time this weekend. No one else has ever done it, or knows how to drive with a trailer. I am not interested in taking the risks of being the one liable for any costs or damages when I do not believe they will be willing to pay if the boat is damaged. I don't think going on the boat will make or break the weekend.
​
I feel very bad for letting them down but its just who I am for being nervous about the risks of something like this. But I thought I'd find some more guidance here since I'm not sure if I'm being reasonable or not.
​
So reddit- AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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}
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RIGHT
|
3JnPF1wP6Nk7XuLgMAO8w4AW1MabiJH5
|
a05xx3
|
{
"description": "calling the police on a dog tied up outside",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for calling the police on a dog tied up outside?
|
Last night I made a late night run to the grocery store around 9 PM. It was snowing and the temperature at the time was below -30C with the wind chill. When I got there, there was a dog tied to a bench outside the store.
I went did my shopping and came out over an hour after I went in. By now there’s was a light freezing rain. The dog was still there and shivering. It’s coat was wet and freezing to the touch and it kept whimpering.
Now I know certain dogs have adapted to be used to the cold with their coats and paws better suited for the weather. And yes this dog looked like a husky which is one of those breeds. But this dog had been outside for an hour and as i said what shivering and crying so I called the police and told them the situation. They sent an officer who got there in like 5 minutes (the closest station is no joke down the road from the store so that’s why someone arrived quickly).
He had a K-9 unit type car so he put the dog up in it and we waited until the owner arrived. Apparently the owner was a worker at the store and his boss needed him to come in for a quick talk which ended up taking longer than expected.
He got his dog back and the officer left on another call. I apologized for calling the police and explained that I was just worried. He said I overreacted and should’ve just left, calling me “a nosy dick”. His dog was fine, it’s a husky mix they like the cold and it wasn’t my place to try to control how his dog should be treated.
I know maybe I overreacted but I didn’t feel like I could just leave knowing the dog was under freezing rain and freezing cold to the touch and whining. I knew that dog was there for at least 60 minutes and I didn’t know if it had been a longer time.
So AITA for doing what I did?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
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b26u9u
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{
"description": "abandoning my oldest and closest friend who has depression because he's a vile racist",
"pronormative_score": 83,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for abandoning my oldest and closest friend who has depression because he’s a vile racist?
|
So my best friend who I’ve known since primary school, let’s call him Will. Will is a racist.
He was brought up in a racist household and was taught that he was racially superior to others, of course when I became friends with him when I was 5 or 6, I didn’t really know much about all of that.
By the time we were teenagers I really began to see how racist he was; it started off with him just doing small things like if he was annoyed with someone he’d whisper to me behind that guy’s back a racial slur directed at him, so that’s pretty minor and that’s not too bad.
But it got worse, by the time we were 16, he was quite an agressive person, he would commonly get in spats, and he would often target minorities. This one time we were walking in a park and we encountered two black people in the year below. I was friends with one of the guys so I was being friendly, but Will, on the other hand, told them to leave aggressively (using many swears and racial slurs). They left in a bit of dismay and I was quite shocked and I asked him what was wrong, and he said quite simply
“their (n-word) faces made me angry”
So at this point I wanted to distance myself from Will, but there’s another thing, Will is really depressed. He is anorexic because he’s insecure about his weight, he’s Anxious about most things, and I’m his only friend. Alongside this, he confessed to me he self harms which of course is very serious.
So yeah, last week we were in a group chat, and there was a black person in it, and Will being Will just went at this guy for no reason, and this was the final straw. I blocked him on all social media’s and I completely avoid him at school. I haven’t spoken to him since, but the fact that he is depressed and in a bad place still eats at me. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
7tFINRFMjgy80IUjp7yk0VLcwcO1RtXX
|
b983nh
|
{
"description": "choosing not to be close to my dad because he spent the money that was supposed to me in trust for me",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for choosing not to be close to my dad (52m) because he spent the money that was supposed to me in trust for me (24f)
|
I used to have a very rich great aunt who didn't have any children to leave her estate to. So, she decided to split her fortune among her sister's grandchildren for them to go to university. Most of my cousins are about 10 years older than me, so they got their inheritance relatively soon. However, the money for me and my sister (roughly $37 000 USD each) was put into trust for the both of us.
My parents divorced when I was about 8 years old. My dad has been an alcoholic for as long as I remember and has never considered quitting. To my knowledge, that is one of the things that tore our family apart.
After the divorce, he would rarely come to see us- only on holidays. My sister has memories of us waiting for him to come pick us up, and never showing up. To me, it just always felt as if he chose the booze over his daughters.
I was supposed to get the inheritance when I turned 18. I was ready to go to university but couldn't get a hold of the money. He gave me around 5 000 CAD and he said he wanted to give it to us when we turned 21. When I turned 21, I brought it up and he said that he had hit some hard times and there wasn't much left.
I know he makes decent money. He didn't pay child support for us growing up. He now lives in the country and hardly works. I will go to visit him once a year and be amicable, but I can't help but feel like he stole from my future. I am now in university, and have a large student loan and work part time as a waitress to have money to get by.
People say that he is my dad and I only get one dad, but in my opinion, fathers don't steal from their kids.
Reddit, AITA for cutting my dad out of my life for spending the money in trust for me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aj1bvp
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{
"description": "not letting my group use my alternative text after they stayed quiet",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not letting my group use my alternative text after they stayed quiet?
|
\[Sorry if anything is hard to understand. I am a native English speaker. Bear with me :D\]
So, I am currently in a pretty annoying dilemma concerning a group project. It's a long story with many events, but I will try to sum it up. For the context, I am a Psychology Student (Master Degree) and in one of my courses, we have to do a mandatory group project. It won't be graded, but it will be used as one basis for our vocal exam at the end of the semester. I was placed in the only group of 6 and we started working on the project in November. Everyone has a Bachelor Degree in Psychology, so everyone should be about the same level.
In our first group meeting, we talk about the general construct of your project, the chapters, etc., This dude, U., votes for writing the review-section, which basically is meant to review the scientific background of the topic we are writing about. Since it is pretty new, it's the shortest and easiest of all chapters. Everyone is fine with that and we part ways, with me being in charge of the whole editing process and the online workspace we are going to use. So when I go home, I set it up. We are ready to go.
Start December, U. writes an email to me, asking for feedback on his chapter, stating that he has always had issues with writing scientific texts and that his Bachelor thesis prof helped him write it. I go read his text online and, well, I'm not gonna lie, it's bad. Really bad. Not like in a "oh you didn't get the theme, you need to reread it", but more like a "well, you really didn't learn how to write scientific texts, did you?". I am not one to sugar coat stuff, so I write back quiet frankly, basically like this: "U., I read your text. It's tue, you have a major problem with this scientific text writing-skill, but I don't have the time and experience to help you in this regard. I only can sum up again, what you have to do. \[insert summary\] Please go and seek professional help for this, another prof or maybe the Student Council Service." U. replies that he will do that.
For the whole December and the most part of January, he didn't change a thing in his text. Like, not even a letter. In group meetings, we asked him multiple times to work on his part, but he didn't. Starting Winter Break End of December, I start to get stressed. I mean, yeah, it's not gonna be marked, but it s a basis for our vocal exams. If his part is bad, our questions will be bad and I don't want that, even more because the rest of the chapters it really well written. So I write his chapter myself, as a safety measure, so that we can send mine as well if his doesn't improve. To show that our group is able to do better and that U. is just unwilling to seek professional help.
Come January, 15th, our last group meeting. We talk about the chapters, final feedback, you know the drill. U.'s chapter comes up, the feedback: "You need to work on this. This is not okay. We told you multiple times, even helped you with the content. Get your sh\*t together." Deadline is set to January, 20th, for him, because his text needs major edit and exams are close and I am running low on time. The rest has a deadline until 21st, because their stuff is easy to be edited.
Come 20th, he still hasn't done a thing. So I close his deadline and send my alternative text to the group. They are okay with it, saying that they want to send it in with U.'s text, so that we have 2 versions of the same end result. Still, we issue a meeting on the 22nd, yesterday, to talk about it. My expectation: they are going to tell him firmly that his behavior is unbearable. That his work is not okay, furthermore because he didn't edit a single thing. That they are going to be supportive to our shared opinion.
The reality: Silence. U. talks for the first 15 minutes of our meeting about how we are to blame that he didn't improve, that he asked for help but noone helped him. That he did his best and that he just isn't able to do better and that we have to deal with it. He won't even let other people talk properly when it's their spot. I am furious and I, for my part, tell him exactly what I think: that his behavior is sickening and that he is leeching off of the team. That I don't understand what else he expects - is he really that entitled that he thinks that someone has to basically talk him through every word he writes for his chapter?
At this point, it's apparent that U. won't listen to any feedback. He is set on his opinion. And my group? They sugar coat everything. There is no criticism. There is something like "You should have asked us more directly" and stuff like that.
​
In school, I learned that being silent means that you agree. That it is important to speak up against bullies, racists and the like. And I carry this with me to this day. I firmly believe that when someone behaves like shit, that you have to speak up, clearly and make a point. If you don't do that, you basically agree with what this person does.
So I am devestated. No one has guts to stand up for their opinion, our opinion, that we shared before. I am mad and feel let down. So when I go home, I start thinking: if they are okay with U.'s work, they don't need an alternative chapter, because his is okay obviously. So when I am at my pc, I withdraw my consent for using my alternative chapter. Because they obviously don't need it.
Now they are nagging me for this decision, stating that we decided as a group to send in both versions. But we also decided as a group to stand up to U.'s behavior and they didn't.... Am I being an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
35sesa948zhjf0DtBrxNGtpBGx23kjY1
|
az2x0w
|
{
"description": "wanting my boyfriend to stop smoking around me",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my boyfriend to stop smoking around me?
|
I hate smoking. I always said I would never date a smoker, but my current boyfriend hid the fact that he smoked from me for about 7 months (I honestly don't know how he did it but he did). He knows I hate smokers.
When I found out he smoked I was mad and I have told him that I'd like him to quit but I'm not super pushy about him having to give it up because idk it's his body right? I have asked that he doesn't smoke around me though. I hate it, I hate seeing him smoke, I hate the smell, and it makes me cough like crazy. We've had multiple fights because he keeps smoking around me even after me asking him not to. Sometimes it's outdoors which isn't so bad, but sometimes it's in the house, in the bedroom even. I hate it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
WImmEAnl8VsMPjHB8P13gtve1pBdoBOt
|
ajrjec
|
{
"description": "wanting my brother & his girlfriend to pay their share of a holiday that they originally agreed to go on but now can't because they are expecting a baby",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 21
}
|
AITA for wanting my brother & his girlfriend to pay their share of a holiday that they originally agreed to go on but now can't because they are expecting a baby?
|
Me and our large family planned to go on holiday this summer. This included my wife & I and our 2 young children, my two sisters, my single brother and my other brother his girlfriend and their son. They recently announced that they are expecting a baby due slap bang in the middle of the week we are due to be away.
The total cost of the holiday is £1600 and my Mum has suggested that now they can't come away instead of it being split by 9 adults (£177 per adult) they shouldn't pay and we should split it by 7 adults (£230 per adult). This is way over the budget we initially set. Or alternatively they should pay their share of the deposit (£67 per adult) and we split the rest (£210). In both of these cases I feel the cost of the holiday is much higher than planned.
I personally think that they should have planned better and should still foot their share of the bill even though they can't come. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
H7OtCLc6rreBE06VlgVewjBtW5WcPCdh
|
9woo89
|
{
"description": "not tipping at an solo owner-operated cafe",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not tipping at an solo owner-operated cafe?
|
The reason for tipping (that I've heard) is that servers/busboys/bartenders etc. are critically underpaid, so tips are how they stay afloat. That's fine, I'm all for tipping >%20 on good service, especially if busy or special order or split check or whatever. Even as a broke student, I know that if I have enough money to go out, I have enough money to tip.
My question stems from a small ice cream shop in Kirkland, WA that lives under a staircase. The owner was definitely the only person working there at the time (literally a one room store), possibly the only employee, and when I bought my ice cream (affogato, which is justly priced higher than a double scoop in a cup), I didn't tip. I ate in his store while there talking to him, and we talked about his previous life as a new orleans bartender and server and the associated tip economy there. Now, as an owner of an independent store, working for himself, setting his own prices, in my opinion he's in a different segment of the restaurant world. **Am I The Asshole for not tipping on my ice cream purchase?** In a situation of a small single owner-run restaurant, is a tip expected?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
7krHN1HOcUCyzK6EsOjs4sH0nyhEU6yQ
|
b6shz2
|
{
"description": "stalking and reporting sex offenders on Facebook",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for stalking and reporting sex offenders on Facebook
|
**Before you guys shout shitpost, I have screenshots as evidence if anyone wants to see them!**
​
Facebook's terms of service clearly states that sex offenders are not permitted to use their service. Nonetheless that does not deter them. I watch the sex offender registry in my state and search for them on Facebook. If I find them I report them, bookmark their link, and bookmark the link of their SO or family if they have them listed so I can report them again if they try to make a new account.So far I got 10 accounts closed.
​
I began to wonder if I'm a self-righteous asshole for doing this and should instead leave it be unless I come across them in a group or page.
​
So, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
b5ouyN2AGNWIqAPbBtQgpCKETVE1BJ8I
|
aqe5yk
|
{
"description": "asking someone to buy me a hoodie",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for asking someone to buy me a hoodie
|
After making a purchase on grailed for a hoodie in medium size, the seller contacted me 3 days later (even though they claim to ship out items within 24 hours of payment received) and said that they'd run out of that hoodie in medium size and that they only had small and large. Obviously I don't want to wear a hoodie in the wrong size, so I asked him to buy the specific hoodie off of someone else for an increased price and sell it to me at the originally agreed upon price. This hoodie is now discontinued and at the time of purchase the listing was perfectly normal and after the purchase it said that payment had been received and that I bought the hoodie. All other listings for the same hoodie are $20-$45 more expensive than the price I bought it off the seller for. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
gfNrwVmSACR18EkbL6dh9LNCkypavdGZ
|
anrqsj
|
{
"description": "not trying to talk through the issues I had with childhood friends",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not trying to talk through the issues I had with childhood friends?
|
For a little backstory(hold on, it's a looong one), I was friends for a very long time (15 years or so) with two twin girls. We grew up together basically but I always felt like i didn't belong with them. I used to be and still am a really calm person, it's hard to get on my nerves, while they were and still are (as far as i know) really vulcanic, always confrontational, always entitled to everything, they were never in the wrong, everyone else were in debt to them because they were such amazing people. And I must confess, at times they were the best people you could be around, they are funny af, have a bubbly personality when in a goid mood, but then they would remind you every time you piss them off of that time when they helped you, which in my book is the most asshole move you can go for. For example, when I had my first boyfriend, he was arrested with drug charges (yeah, he was a drug dealer) abd sentenced for 5 years in prison. Now i can't say i LOVED the guy but i thought i did at the time (i was 19) and at least i was attached to him since we were together for two years. He used to do drugs, i didn't, just wasn't my thing and i did try to make him stop using and selling (thought i'd be the one to tame the bad boy lol u know the basic story) but anyway he was busted, put in jail, i was sad, can't say devastated because i obviously wasn't that much in love but i was sad so these two girls were all supportive and shit, they would invite me to spend time with them and their boyfriends (which whom i was in pretty good relations) just so i can hear one of the girls (let's call them V&D) yelling at me(when they were arguing about some random thing) that
V: "She said she's sick and tired of you because she and her bf can't have intimacy and she has to drag you everywhere with her!"
They had this habit of throwing the other one under the bus when they were mad at eachother (don't have me started on the insults they would throw at eachother... whew!) And D didn't even try to counter that lol. I felt like a piece of shit but anyway i let that slip since i imagined that D probably wanted to have more alone time with her bf and i was there all the time (even tho they invided me).
So you get the main picture. Fast forward a year later. I found my dream man, obviously cut ties with the drug dealer as i realised i wasn't even in love with him. Still friends with V&D. My boyfriend worked as a mechanic, but paid poorly for the amount of work he was putting there so when he got a raise we were so happy, and I told another friend of mine(not V&D but they knew eachother) that i was so proud of my bf and we were so happy. Only to later have V tell me that she knows I talked to my other friend and told her about my bf's raise and that she and D thought that sounded like I'm a gold digger. I wasn't working at the time. I was going to courses to become a nail tech(which i am today and it's really hard to make a clientelle and make good money out of it but now i'm making almost double the normal salary) and when we went out, he wouldn't let me pay though i almost always had money from my parents. But the twins bfs were not working or having even lower paying jobs so my bf sometimes even paid for all of them (the girls weren't working either and used to give their bfs shit for not finding better jobs and having more money so idk who's a gold digger here, even though their parents are LOADED they were just stingy anyway saying they don't have money or that they had to give the money they had back to their parents lol ).
After she told me that gold digger thing, i was stunned, i felt like i never even knew them or as if they never even met me. I cut all contact with them, didn't answer my phone, they called like crazy the first few days then stopped after seeing i will not answer anyway.
3 years passed and i got married to my now husband, the mechanic, who is the most amazing man i've ever met, and i still hold that feeling to this day. After our wedding i received a message on facebook from D but since i unfriended them both it got in as a request and me, seeing it was from her i didn't even open it. This year we had a wedding where we were the godparents (in Romania it's costumary that when you get married you have a couple, already married themselves to be considered "spiritual parents" and since the couple getting married were good friends of my husband, we were more than glad to accept, as i liked them too) before Bride's bachelorette party-the planning of- , it wasn't a surprise for me to find one of the twins - D - being there, to help the bride with her planning (they are keeping contact because the groom's brother is her bf) and honestly i didn't even say hi to her, but to the others there, and she just burried her eyes in her phone. Anyway D mentioned we should wear t-shirts to the party, you know the funny ones with "Bride's bitches" and tjings like that. And the others weren't really involved in this discussion so i say it's not a bad idea but someone should do this and order them online for the tshirts to be from the same place. To my shock, D says the two of us should handle this on fb. Ofc i wasn't going to say no, I didn't want to be an a-hole so we did. That meant i had to go to her messenger and only then i read her message she sent for my wedding saying something along the lines of "Even if we're not talking anymore, i want you to know you looked beautiful" and things like that. Tbh, i wasn't touched. I knew their M.O. I just lied and said that i did not know she sent me a message, because i though she blocked me or i blocked her (idk) and then she started going on about how i hurt her and how she didn't understand why i cut all ties with them, how we used to be sisters, and asked if i missed them. To which in my head i was like "Hell no, satan!" But i just responded saying that it was better that way for all of us, not saying i missed them or anything (because i didn't) and she was saying how i could have had a conversation with them and tell them what went wrong between us, so they could change, and i did feel like an asshole at that point since everybody knows me as the one who will talk everything through, have a conversation as long as necessary to get things on the right path as much as possible, but i did not get THEM the chance.
But considering all the things I mentioned, and trust me, there are more i can talk about(like how they always made jokes about me being fat even though i was at a normal weight(60 kg) while they were overweight(80 kg), and i was s bit taller than them, and i became self conscious but i never even touched the subject of weight not even jokingly because they would freak tf out. Or how they used to be late ALL THE TIME and made me wait 1hr, they would fond excuses, but when I was late, they would freak out start swearing at me), AITA for not trying to talk through the issues I had with them because i though it was pointless? Because i sometimes feel like i should have, then i remember how stressed i used to feel almost every time in their presence and how my life and self confidence improved A LOT after ignoring them. They told people (friends we had in common-some of them stopped talking to them as well because of how they behaved-) that I was a bitch and i just used them for money(even though they never gave me money) and that I'm ungrateful for all they had helped me and God knows what more they said.
Sorry for the long story but it's so much to get out after years of such a "friendship". And i was probably their only one friend that could stand their crap since i am calm, but i ended it abruptly.
AITA for not wanting to even hear them out?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
a62851
|
{
"description": "not wanting to have sex with my girlfriend during her period",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to have sex with my girlfriend during her period.
|
We're extremely sexually active and we usually have sex every other day.
My girlfriend told me that she's on her period. I didn't pay any mind to it. Until, she asked me to have sex with her. I'm afraid of blood, it's not a fetish of mine. I have a panic attack if I see blood on my toothbrush. I just don't like blood, she knows that. I went to the hospital because I fainted when I saw my blood. I really don't fuck with that. It's very severe, yada, yada, not much else to explain there.
I said no, she asked me again a day later. I said no, she keeps asking me over and over, I keep saying no. We usually always have a break during her period. It's very routine. But, now she's extremely unhappy with me.
Her period is over now, I guess. I didn't believe her at first but it is. I still said no because I don't want to risk it. She's been ignoring me, complaining to her friends, she pushed me into the wall, she's just extremely upset. I just don't know what I did wrong. I never called her disgusting for it, I'm just hemophobic.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aumg9a
|
{
"description": "refusing to buy my friends birthday presents",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for refusing to buy my friends birthday presents
|
I (19F) have basically had the same group of friends for 6 years, of about 8 girls.
Every year I watch these people buy each other presents, and I myself spend $30-$50 on every one ($400 each year). I am also the most financially independent out of these people so it takes a toll.
Then when it comes to my birthday, which is near Christmas (5 days), nobody has ever bought me a present.
This could be because it’s close to Christmas or just because they are bad friends.
This year I decided to stop buying anyone presents.
This means that I’ve had to show up at birthday events empty handed whilst everyone else is giving gifts (that they would never do for me).
Does this make me an asshole??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 19,
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
fr3RaD4OpmybyiXcTGkxUfGgYeTFCd2j
|
b3du1l
|
{
"description": "signing another year lease on an apartment my girlfriend hates",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA for signing another year lease on an apartment my girlfriend hates?
|
My girlfriend moved in with me at the end of last year. I live in a studio apartment. We live in the city and the price of this place is amazing.
We were both working when she moved in and my lease is coming to an end. She hates how small this place is and we’ve discussed moving into a bigger apartment. I wasn’t opposed to the idea even though I love how cheap this place is.
In February she lost her job. She’s been looking for something new, but hasn’t had any luck so far. She still wants to move. I’m a lot more hesitant now that I’m the only one working. Who knows how long it will take her to find new work? I’d like to stay out for another year and once she gets another job we could actually afford to be able to put money aside so that in a year would could get a really nice place.
She’s completely against it and just keeps assuring me that she’ll be back to work soon and I won’t have to float us for long. She makes it sound like me solely paying for everything isn’t a big deal, but I really don’t make a lot. We would be stretching every penny if we could even make it work at all.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 15,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
x1aZEDbJ7jBQlc5JWSKW5xB93BJkTnO0
|
ayeatv
|
{
"description": "walking away from a flight attendant as she was lecturing me for using the first class bathroom",
"pronormative_score": 79,
"contranormative_score": 46
}
|
AITA for walking away from a flight attendant as she was lecturing me for using the first class bathroom?
|
I fly frequently - three or more times per month - with an airline not always know for the friendliest customer service. I have premier status with the airline, so I generally get to choose my seat and get the row directly behind first class if I’m not upgraded.
Last night I was in the row right behind first class, and had a flight attendant who had been acting particularly bizarrely to my fellow passengers (super stringent with rules, reprimanding people for little stuff, and making extra announcements outside the norm for flights like this).
So before landing, the FA makes this announcement about how if you need to stow your carry-one or use the bathroom, you should do it now. I wouldn’t say this is a common announcement, particularly given how casually but still urgently she worded it.
This announcement created a massive rush for the back bathrooms, and the line was at least four people deep. That said, there was no line for the first class bathroom, which was *only three rows ahead of my seat*.
I needed to use the bathroom, so I went ahead and used the bathroom up front in first class.
When I exited the bathroom, the flight attendant was directly outside the bathroom door, so close I almost hit her with it (she had obviously been waiting for me).
She proceeded to angrily tell me that I had used the wrong bathroom, etc. Franky, I’d had a long and difficult work day and didn’t feel like listening to her lecture. So I said interrupted to say “thank you for telling me” and walked away.
She proceeded to follow me to my seat and in a voice loud enough for many to hear said “it’s extremely rude to walk away from people when they’re talking to you, don’t you think?”
At this point I just ignored her and she stalked away.
AITA here? I get that there are safety regulations and stuff, but I’ve used the front bathroom before and no FA has said anything. I also know FAs have really hard jobs, but I don’t feel like I did anything to purposefully make her job harder. Frankly, her lecture felt like a bombardment and totally unnecessary.
TL;DR: Used the “wrong bathroom,” got yelled at, walked away, got followed and called rude by the flight attendant,
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 72,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
qmYoBPMbv3Qd75DOAld8j1uDjTpGR5a2
|
9wcjt4
|
{
"description": "not wanting to date europeans",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to date Europeans?
|
I put this on my dating profile recently and I realized it might sound strange. I don't have anything against people from Europe, but as someone from the United States, I guess I just don't find people from other western countries to be very attractive.
I think it's a matter of personal insecurity that leads me to this conclusion. Whenever I'm around Europeans, I start to feel insecure and defensive, because on some level, I know that they're better than me. Europeans are better educated, in better shape, and they have more contact with different languages and cultures. I can't help feeling like they would look down on me for being a simple American.
Is it normal to have that kind of perception?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
qbGCTN3CiDlbq7CUisvPeC40yADw1sGQ
|
asiizy
|
{
"description": "parking next to a large truck",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for parking next to a large truck?
|
I went to the mall around 5 pm on a Saturday. The parking lot was pretty full and I found a spot reasonably close to the front. So I parked in the spot. The car next to me was I think a Dodge Ram. I drive a Hyundai Elantra. I was well within the lines of the spot. His truck was right on the lines. We were a little close together, but I was still able to get out of my car just fine without struggling. I figured it was a large truck so whatever. I didn't think anything of it.
Later on I was walking back to my car when I see the guy flashing the light from his phone on the side of my car and his truck. I said, "Hi, Is everything ok?".
He said, "Yeah, I was looking at how close you parked".
I said, " You have a big truck. I parked within the lines"
He said "Yeah, there's an entire fucking parking lot".
I didn't bother responding. He just got back into his truck. I got into my car. He drove off.
Could I have found a new spot? Yeah I could have, but I would have had to go to the end of the lot.
Reddit, Am I the asshole? Is he the asshole? Are we both assholes?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
fRxlXzAmuLGJSde4cjYn902DhfancHoI
|
anebla
|
{
"description": "asking out a girl who is a best friend of a girl who had crush on me",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking out a girl who is a best friend of a girl who had crush on me?
|
It happened a while ago but I found this sub so I wanted to ask. I rejected a girl(A) (almost ignored her. My bad) and asked out her best friend(B). She rejected me and didnt even tell her(A) that I made a move to her(B) - which is funny considering that their groupies share everything.
Now that I think of it looks like it was to not hurt her(A) feelings.
Am I the asshole for not considering her(A) feelings and their(A and B) friendship?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
mPsuhiMiq71BI8JI6VOlXKxd8WNxVVyY
|
a47nzd
|
{
"description": "not closing the gate to my driveway so my neighbor's dog can't get out",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not closing the gate to my driveway so my neighbor’s dog can’t get out?
|
The title is kind of confusing, there’s a bit of context needed here.
So to explain my living situation: I live on a small property where there is a main house, and the backyard has a few different sheds that are slowly being remodeled over time.
The front house is rented out separately from the (currently singular) remodeled shed, which is where I live.
My home is easiest accessed through a back alleyway, and as such, I have my own back driveway. There is also a front driveway. The entire property is fenced, and there is a fairly large yard.
I have lived here for a year and a half now. My previous neighbors (aka the people in the house next to my shed on the property) were problematic in their own ways, but nowhere near as frustrating as my new neighbors.
I was out of town for about a month in August, and when I came back, I found out I had new neighbors in the main house that came with two dogs.
Mind you, I had no clue they were moving in or that they had dogs. Unfortunately, they had also not been told I lived on what they understood to be “their” property, and they didn’t know I existed until I got home from vacation. Talk about an awkward first interaction.
My landlord is definitely to blame for some of this, as she’s caused plenty of problems for me beforehand (utility payments are a whole other post I could make), and it’s on her for not communicating to them or to me that the other party lived on the property.
I think this could especially be an issue if I was allergic to dogs. Luckily, I’m not.
The issue is that, having lived here for a while now, I’ve got my own way of doing things. I leave the gate open to my driveway, because there is no reason for it to be closed. My home is pretty secluded and the open gate doesn’t get in the way of my other neighbors, cars driving down the alley, etc.
Now that they live here, they constantly remind me to close it or keep it closed because they don’t want their dogs to get out. I personally think this is ridiculous. I was here first, I don’t have pets, I was never notified people with pets were moving in, and now I’m supposed to do things that inconvenience me because why?
Every time I leave or come home, I’m expected to get in and out of my car multiple times to open and close the gate. I’m usually in a rush (full time student with multiple jobs), and honestly, it’s the least of my problems, and incredibly irritating.
On top of that, the dogs are not trained at all. They will constantly jump all over me, get me dirty ( I live in a cold and wet state), run outside the yard and don’t come when called, meaning I then have to waste more of my time running around and getting their dogs back in the yard.
I have the sense that I’m the asshole, but also, why is it my job to take care of your dogs? Fence off a different section of the yard they can’t escape from. Train them so they’re not jumping all over me and my friends and ruining clothes with dirty paws.
Let me hear your opinions. Maybe I’m being a prick and I’m just easily irritated, but I think the dogs shouldn’t be my problem and that I should be able to leave the gate open whenever, along with expect that my work clothes won’t be dirtied every time I step outside.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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EVERYBODY
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
9PyYHrQLUIPMzMwf9EqG76T0evXeW2xV
|
anb3p6
|
{
"description": "being upset that my husband stayed the night at an attractive girls house",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being upset that my husband stayed the night at an attractive girls house?
|
My husband went out of town to our home town to play a show this past weekend and he was supposed to be staying at his best friend/band mates house Friday and Saturday night. But he ended up sleeping at this very attractive single girls house Saturday night, alone. Yes, I know her and get along with her. But I only know her thru partying. And supposedly they were partying there... there was one other friend of his there. But I guess he left that night because said girl drove him to his band mates house, alone the next morning . I’m super super upset with him. We’ve been together 10 years and I’m handling this much better than a lot of people would. But he’s trying so hard to justify it and make it not a big deal... all he had to do was tell me that night that was happening and he chose to wait which I think is weird.
Ps... my dads passing from an OD is this month (12 yrs ago) but it still hurts like a son of a bitch, and he knows that. Makes it all so much worse.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 8,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
bMAQG7QO5xWjuu2CqTHn566ZAnnbWMGv
|
ay73jq
|
{
"description": "telling my friends bf to break up with her and now secretly dating him",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 22
}
|
AITA for telling my friends bf to break up with her and now secretly dating him?
|
I moved to a new school this year and ive made friends with a group of girls. We were at a house party the other night and one of the girls had a fight with her boyfriend and went home. Me and him walked to a shop to get some food and he kissed me and told me he liked me. We were really drunk btw. I kissed him back and then stopped and said but you’re with Ellie, and he said I’d rather be with you though, and he kissed me again. I said ok, well you need to break up with her then cause I can’t do this behind her back, he said ok I will. He got out his phone and messaged her saying ‘were finished, I like someone else’. I’ve said to him that I want us to keep it a secret for a while because I don’t think it would be good if she found out yet, and he said ok. So we’re basically pretending we’re not together right now and when she asked him who he liked he said it was someone out of school.
Anyway AITA for basically telling him to break up with her and now secretly dating him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 22
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|
WRONG
|
VjcJgWaVhp2qdRXQMTbHs5di1b2adlul
|
ah2c67
| null |
AITA because my ex broke up with me and I distanced myself
|
So me and my ex girlfriend broke up recently. We have tried dating 3 times before and it never worked out, but we couldn't stay away from each other. The first time was because of a lot of family issues for both of us and we agreed it wasn't a good time to try to date, but the other 3 times it was because she is still obsessed over her ex boyfriend. She constantly texted him and rented about him even when we were together, she would barely text me and she would get pissed when I asked to change the subject. Her and I are also close with another girl who I'll call V. V and my ex have been friend since elementary school and are very close.
The night we broke up was the same night that I found out some really bad news about my grandmother. I was devastated and was really behind on school work due to a lot mental stress. Would always eat with her and V at lunch and for nearly a weak I would hide in the library to get myself caught up with school work. Only two of my friends came to see if I was okay, it was V and another girl I'll call J. When my ex came to talk to me, I was too upset to see her, so I asked my friends to tell her I didn't want to talk to her. She got upset to the point of tears and left.
I feel like an asshole for not talking to her right away, but she literally told me that she broke up with me because she still liked her ex. V and J were the only ones who said that it was okay to avoid her for a bit. Everyone else said I was an asshole and that I didn't deserve her, so I apologized for avoiding her and I've been acting like everything is okay between us, but I still feel like crying when I talk to her and sit with her.
I've been cheated on before I felt that if we continued to date she would wind up dating h8m behind my back. I feel like I'm in the wrong, but V and J have been telling me I'm not.
I know this is one side of the story, but this is just how I feel about the situation, I'm lost...
I guess my question is , Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
c6p7urmkZm7vHJQRcaj28gECZv3Ec0s4
|
atri4x
|
{
"description": "feeling disrespected by a Coworkers Meme",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Feeling Disrespected by a Coworkers Meme?
|
A little background: I work for a large company in an office setting. My team is 5 people in two locations with only myself and a coworker at my location in a control room with ~50 others. I have been working for a long time and am very respected for my knowledge regarding our work. My coworker was trained by me and is still being mentored when we have overlap on our shifts.
My coworker is on the same pay as me as we are covered by an enterprise agreement and there is no 'senior' position for me to move into currently. We work shifts that alternate weekly, either 4.30am-12.30pm or 12pm-8pm. My coworker has been here for about 5 months. My coworker has been viewed by management on multiple occasions to bludge through a shift on his phone.
Basically our morning shift is meant to give a handover in the 30 minute overlap to the afternoon shift in order to complete work the early shift started but did not finish and to pass on important information (we support applications used in the control room so outages/issues need to be known/monitored). The handover is also meant for the afternoon shift to provide information to the morning sjfit but NOT work tasks (due to morning shift having important set work).
I came into work (early shift this week) and checked our handover document and there were 4 tasks on it for me which would take about an hour. I also checked the group mailbox and the three emails I had handed over the previous afternoon were all assigned back to me. We also have a new starter who is friends with my coworker who advised that he was watching live streams for most of his shift and chatting via messenger. Admittedly in one task the coworker was asking for assistance to learn a new task so I'm happy with that but the remaining three tasks were work he could've easily done as our afternoon shift does not have an assigned workload.
I messaged my coworker to let him know that the handover is only meant to be informative for the morning shift as per our process set by our manager. I mentioned that our manager has been unhappy with any deviation from process lately and was simply giving an FYI to save his skin in the future (evening shift is fairly relaxed as you need to find work if none is handed over so management tries to monitor work completed during this time).
My coworker responded with a meme of a little girl rolling her eyes with the caption "When your coworker tries to act like your supervisor. Please Susan, act your wage". Now this panged me pretty hard as I have been the one to train and mentor this coworker and have made a huge effort to up-skill him to handle the role which in turn can justify a pay rise for us both (change of grade/reclassify position) which he seems to want a lot.
So, AITA for feeling disrespected? I simply wrote the information in the handover document and kept my headphones on for our 30 minute overlap yesterday then left without saying a word.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
gsnw32u9588VPHNGHIZYjNWo9lkkyMLO
|
ah4g9u
|
{
"description": "ghosting on a friend I've known for 7 years",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ghosting on a friend I’ve known for 7 years?
|
I (19M) have a friend the same age who I used to be inseperable with. We would do everything together and had a pretty good grouo of friends. We both had mutual crushes on each other and would go on trips together almost every week, and it would consist of getting really drunk and high, and having really funny or nice nights together. We literally never left each other’s sides.
Recently, he decided to quit college and move in with his boyfriend of a year or so. His boyfriend and I have both agreed that we don’t really like each other for whatever reason but I’ve always been civil and nice to him, since it’s none of my business who he dates.
The real problem started before his boyfriend anyway. My feiend attended college outside my city, so we didn’t talk often as we both don’t really text. We would still hang out when we were both free though, and it was fine. Until he stopped seeing or talking to me altogether. He just does not answer his texts or calls and whenever I or my friends message to ask him to hang, we always get ignored because he’s with his boyfriend and his friends.
This angered me so badly and I also pretty much gave up on him too, but we bumped into each other again recently. We decided to hang out (My friend, a mutual friend, and me) and the whole time he pretty much spoke about himself and would make our mutual friend the butt of all his jokes. This is something of a running joke and our mutual friend laughs it off and doesn’t think anything of it, but that night I could tell they were getting angry and uncomfortable. They left, and I stayed as I figured that maybe being alone with him would resolve my anger and we could go back to being good friends.
Then his boyfriend came home. He sat with us, which was okay since I’m good at being civil and don’t really care, but he began to get increasingly rude to my friend and I. He would make a joke, and when I would laugh he would ask what’s so funny and make things incredibly awkward. He also ignored or laughed obnoxiously at everything I said and after my friend noticing I was incredibly uncomfortable (I rarely leave my house because of my crippling anxiety and he is more than aware of this) but not defending me even slightly I just left. I haven’t messaged, phoned or even replied to his snapchats since, but I do feel really guilty about ghosting him since we were so close. Am I the asshole here?
TL;DR - My close friend doesn’t bother to contact me anymore and his friends make it clear they dislike me, to which he doesn’t care to defend me at all.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "surprising by ex-girlfriend with an overseas holiday with my family",
"pronormative_score": 1,
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|
WIBTA if I surprised by ex-girlfriend with an overseas holiday with my family?
|
Hey guys, I’m using my throwaway again. My ex and I had a pretty nasty breakup which you can read about in my post history. I know I was completely in the wrong, and that my family was racist and disrespectful. Since then, I’ve maintained my distance from her, but I really miss her. Honestly I think she was the one before I fucked everything up. Anyways I honestly feel as though my family has changed since the incident. My second cousin (who started this mess) has promised me that he won’t joke about her race anymore since he doesn’t want to offend her. My parents have promised to keep their distance and to stop joking about her parents. However, some of my female friends are warning me against doing this, telling me that they’d refuse to go and that I would be an asshole for springing this up on her. But it’s an all-expenses paid luxury getaway that will allow my ex to get to know my family better. I don’t really understand how inviting her would make me an asshole.
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HYPOTHETICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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{
"description": "asking a girl out that my friend my told me not to",
"pronormative_score": 6,
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|
WIBTA If i asked a girl out that my friend my told me not to?
|
Im gonna keep this as short as possible. Lets call my friend John, and the girl i like Stacy.
I have a very close friend whom i love, John, were very close to one another even if we have never met in person. 2 weeks ago he intriduced me to Stacy. He said to me not to hit on her, i said ofcourse and asked why. Apperently he had asked her out and gotten rejected, and he still had feelings for her. Stacy and i started talking, and i never tried to hit on her but it was apparent we had something going on. And on top of that, she is the nicest and most good looking girl ive seen. Shes always there for me and im there for her, she is constantly telling me how much i mean to her and and that she loves me and stuff like that. She has quickly grown to be one of my closest friends with alongside John. And im torn, i love John, and i dont want to hurt him but at the same time i really love stacy, she always makes me happy everytime we talk. Would i be the asshole if i asker her out?
Sorry for my grammar.
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HYPOTHETICAL
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"description": "being mad at my dad because he told me his step brother passed with a text message",
"pronormative_score": 2,
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|
AITA For being mad at my dad because he told me his step brother passed with a text message?
|
I'm super mad at my dad.
My aunt's husband died of a degenerative disease 2 days ago and I received an email from his son (not my cousin) telling the whole family (big family) about it with the date of the ceremony etc. Which I think is fine.
Then I told my sister because she doesn't check her inbox often, who directly phoned my dad to let him know (he doesn't check his inbox often either).
Turns out my dad knew since the day before but didn't told us because he was invited for dinner when he heard about it (shitty excuse IMO).
In the end he didn't call me but sent a text message saying "Did you hear that aunt's husband is dead?".
Am I the asshole for being mad at him for doing it this way?
Sorry for poor english
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "getting pissed off at roommate's girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting pissed off at roommate’s girlfriend
|
For background, my brother is my roommate. I have a high paying job and was living in a major city far from where we grew up in a rural area. My brother was having trouble finding a job in this rural area so I told him to come live with me and sleep on my couch. He got a job very quickly and then we moved to a 2 bedroom apartment. He makes less than I do so I let him pay 1/3 of the rent. I pay for groceries, utilities, and 2/3 of the rent. (Totals are $1000 vs. $2700 per month)
I get along well with my brother so I like having him as a roommate. I am fine with this arrangement in terms of money. My brother recognizes I’m helping him live in a nice, luxury apartment for way less than it would’ve cost him. I recognize that it’s pretty cool to have my brother as a roommate.
Here’s the problem, his girlfriend moved in and she’s rude to my face and inconsiderate. For example, she is a student still (like an older student who can’t get her shit together to finish a degree) and has a random schedule. She has homework to do and asks me to turn off the TV because it bothers her. She will take showers in the morning at the same time as me when I’m getting ready for work, which means there’s no hot water. Her big plans involve going to hang out with friends. I used to come home for lunch and watch TV for an hour. Now when I get home at lunch she’s there and watching something awful on my TV. So I’ve stopped being able to go home for lunch.
I finally got pissed off, listed these problems for my brother, and told him he needs to pay more rent and his girlfriend needs to chip in. (She wasn’t there.). Later, he got mad and said I was making her feel uncomfortable with my complaints. He also said how much more do I want? I’m kinda stuck because I have a bigger room so 1/2 split is unfair. I’m thinking the split should be ($1600 /$2100) and then I won’t feel so awful about having to be cognizant of her schedule and comfort. He says he can’t afford that and I’m stressing him out because he can’t find a reasonable (not awful) place for any cheaper.
I think it’s unfair his girlfriend moved herself in, makes me uncomfortable in my own house, and gets to do all that for free.
Am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b5m3qx
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{
"description": "accidentally breaking a Snapchat streak with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for accidentally breaking a Snapchat streak with my Girlfriend?
|
(Please forgive the terrible formatting because I’m on my phone)
I have been dating my GF for almost 2 years now and it has been a long distance relationship. We had a streak since the beginning of our relationship and I accidentally broke that about 2 months ago. This made her really upset since she thought that this was a bad sign.
I have been really bad at maintaining streaks and there have been many instances where she has had to ask me to send my streaks as they were on the verge of breaking.
Recently we’ve been having troubles since she thinks that I’ve been losing interest in her which is absolutely not true and I love her a lot. I’ve been madly in love with her for a long time(we’ve known each other for 6 years and have been best friends for most of it). There have been quite a few miscommunications which have made her believe that I’m falling out of love.
Yesterday, once again I forgot to send a snap which broke our streak of about 55 days. This has made her really upset and she is not talking to me. This has happened at a terrible time as we’re at a rough point in our relationship. I have been trying to tell her that it was just an accident and told her that she knows that I’m really bad at this. She said that I’m bad at this relationship and stopped talking to me.
I am really confused as to what to do so I thought I’ll come here and let the people of Reddit decide if I’m in the wrong.
So AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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al9x0m
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{
"description": "saying I'd find what my Cousin did would be unacceptable in my relationship",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For saying I'd Find What my Cousin Did Would be Unacceptable In My Relationship
|
So some background for what led up to this situation. My cousin is having her male friend from out of town sleepover at her place for a few days. She is also in a 1.5 year committed relationship with her boyfriend who lives apart from her. (Who recently became a friend of mine) Last night when her SO was not over she decided to bring said friend into her bed to watch movies. He fell asleep and then she fell asleep soon after. My sister tells me this saying they were cuddling also. I give her my opinion on the matter. Saying "I would not be happy at all with my SO if he brought a gal friend into a bed to cuddle and fell asleep. In *my relationship* I'd consider it microcheating as its a form of intimacy. Intimacy I wouldn't be comfortable with my SO sharing with anyone but me. I be mad if I was her SO but my boundaries may differ and in the end it's up to him." As that's the case for me I wanted to know if I was overreacting and went without outting her to people asking "if you found out your SO purposefully or accidentally was found cuddling in bed with a friend of the opposite gender or preferred gender how would you feel." I wanted outside perspectives to have a more informed opinion or see if it was a bigger deal than I thought. Most shared the same opinion as me. They didn't like the idea but up to SO. I go to bed after a long day and wake up to her chewing my head off saying how dare I accuse her of cheating. That it was an accident and it's my sister's fault for not waking her up or it be a different story than it was. That as her cousin she's mad I would shit talk her. I told her I didn't shit talk just stated an opinion. That I asked others without saying her name or letting anyone know who it was about so if the overwhelming majority said it was wrong I could privately pull her aside and see her side of the story but never got the chance... Am I the Asshole for saying the situation was disrespectful and trying to get opinions in which I didn't out her?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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awg02l
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{
"description": "refusing to visit my mother if her boyfriend is present",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to visit my Mother if her boyfriend is present?
|
Okay so some backstory, her boyfriend, we'll call him John, has been with her on and off for 2 years, and I recently moved out. My mother lives at home with my 2 little brothers and John visits time to time.
So, John has left my mother 3 times, and after the 2nd time I told him if he came back I'd knock him cold if I saw him again. Then when they got back together after he left her the 3rd time, he cheated on her, she left him, and now they're back together again.
I refuse to visit my Mother if John is around because I know if I see John he'll get a face full of "Fuck" and "You!" , But despite everything he's done my Mother still loves him, and I'm left with her asking when I'll visit, but she knows I won't visit if John is around, which he is the majority of the time.
So tell me Reddit, Am I The Asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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ayg31w
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{
"description": "asking if my Mother feeds my 3yo lollies",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking if my Mother feeds my 3yo lollies
|
So our 3yo son has one afternoon each week where he gets picked up from daycare by my Mum and spends the afternoon with her. They both love their time together each week and she's generally very helpful when we ask her to help out.
Me and my partner know that they sometimes go for ice cream or he has biscuits and things while he's there, which is fine in moderation. We generally don't give him sweets or unhealthy food at home. So when he starts saying to us "Gran gives me lollies in her car" and things like that, we thought we'd just ask.
I went to pick him up from him from her place two days ago and instead of having dinner he was having sweet biscuits. I didn't point that out but I did say, "hey, I've been meaning to ask, but son has been saying that you give him lollies, is that the case?".
She said no, we don't have any lollies, I wouldn't do that etc. No big deal, I said OK that's fine and things were normal after that. Kids say all sorts of things so I put it down to that.
Well fast forward 24 hours and me and my partner receive this essay of a text saying things like, "how could you do this to me, I think you need to put son in daycare full time, I can't believe you have taken away our time together, don't bother asking me to help out if he's sick, you should look at hiring a nanny" etc. Really over the top reaction imo. It actually costs us more for him to finish early one day a week so they can have an afternoon together, but he loves his time there so everyone's happy.
I seriously didn't think anything of it. As a parent I should be able to ask what my child is eating, I would have asked the same question of any of the other grandparents. He's only just turned 3 and he doesn't need to be eating sweets. My mother has just akways seem to act as they we know nothing and she knows everything about being a parent.
TL;DR I asked my mother if she's been giving my son lollies and she's acting like I've barred her from ever seeing him again.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ai9okv
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{
"description": "bringing the cops",
"pronormative_score": 5,
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|
AITA For bringing the cops?
|
TL;DR: My ex had my cats. I told him I was coming to get them and that I would bring the cops if necessary. I was aware he had drugs in the house. I learned after the fact that he also had a gun there, which he is legally not allowed to possess. I called to let him know I was on my way. He got irate and was ranting and cussing at me. I hung up on him and proceeded to show up with cops. Evidently this makes me the asshole?
​
So my ex is psychotic. In the last 8 (of a total 15) months, he has at various times threatened me, my friends, my cats and my infant daughter in an attempt to control/coerce me into giving him information that, to the best of my knowledge, does not even exist. I didn't realize I was going to hit "Fuck it. Done. Get out of my life." until the very moment it happened, and so had not properly prepared. Namely, I had left my cats at his house. Psycho has a lengthy arrest record and a tendency toward aggression and a complete lack of regard for other individuals. In the days following the breakup, our communications went something like: "I want my cats back." "Fuck you, They want to stay here." "I'm coming to get them." "They won't be here." until finally, verbatim, the message I sent was, "Look. This is how this is going to work. I'm coming to get the cats. I'll call when I'm on my way so that you can have them ready. I'll bring the cops with me if I have to." When I was on my way, I called, and he started ranting a bunch of bullshit,"Fuck you, you're not stepping one foot in my house. Don't even pull in the drive. I'm not giving you shit. You're not taking shit from here." So I hung up and called police - non-emergency - to have a cop on-hand in an attempt to reduce the likelihood of an altercation. Yesterday I found out he called my mother after the cops and I had left and lied through his teeth about me. I got pissy, and reiterated my desire to **not** see him in person. He responded by getting super upset because I brought the cops to his house when he had drugs and a gun there. (He's explicitly not allowed to be in possession of a firearm, as he has two gun-related felonies under his belt.) Apparently the existence of police in that situation warranted a response. He failed to factor in that my mother can't stand him, thinks he's a scumbag, and doesn't believe a word he says any other day of the week. (He's firmly convinced she adores him, which I think is mostly a testament to his delusional state of mind.)
There's a whole bunch of shit I'm leaving out - the manipulation, the scare-tactics, the invasions of privacy and space and boundaries, not to mention the circumstances surrounding the aforementioned threats on the lives and safety of myself and those I care most for (which is why they were the people he threatened to harm, of course.) But I feel like once I get started, this post is going to steadily devolve into me just going on this long-winded diatribe about my asshole ex, and will thus detract from it's purpose which is to find out, was I actually wrong? Given his history and the fact that I told him I was going to do a thing I then proceeded to do, was I actually the asshole for showing up, police at the ready? There are some people who have a firm, "You don't call the cops. You don't bring cops to my door." mindset. And honestly, I personally have a massive bias against police. But they exist for a purpose, and while I don't really think breakup-mediation is typically something they should have to be called-upon for, I also feel like it was the least worst of a bunch of terrible options. Am I wrong?
​
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a2lp06
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{
"description": "not wanting my best friend to remain friends with my ex",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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|
AITA for not wanting my best friend to remain friends with my ex? (very long)
|
You're probably already thinking "yes" because it's widely considered unreasonable to make that kind of ultimatum, but with context, I feel like my position will be a little more understandable.
I started dating a girl in April of this year. We were both sophomores in high school at the time and we were good friends for about 3 months prior to getting together. However, we had a sort of rocky history. Long story short, in 8th grade I was a real asshole to her. We mainly spoke online and that had the effect of both shortening my fuse and taking away my filter. She had some unresolved feelings about it even going into our relationship (2 years later), which I was fully prepared to deal with.
However, it was impossible to see in advance the sheer emotional toll this relationship would take on me. Every day, multiple times a day, she would find something to have an anxiety attack about, whether it was "flashbacks" to 8th grade or something I said or did that day.
For example, we once went out rollerskating. When it was time to go back to our friend's house, she wanted to take a picture of him using my phone. I didn't have a problem with this. However, when I looked at what she was doing after I gave it to her, I quickly noticed that she was searching through my dms on instagram. I have nothing to hide but I resented the fact that my privacy was being invaded, so instinctively I grabbed my phone out of her hands. She insisted she wasn't doing anything but I saw what I saw.
She refused to speak to me on the car ride back to our friend's house. She refused to speak to me for hours going into that night no matter how much I pleaded with her to speak to me and explain what was going on, because at the time, I had no idea why she was upset. I suspected it was because of the phone but I wasn't sure.
Later, while she was using our friend's VR headset, she knowingly made her way over to me and punched me twice in the face. She still wouldn't talk to me after this. After we were finished, we went down to the basement to watch a movie. I let her pick the movie. I discreetly texted my friend to go away for a minute so I could talk to her one on one and finally figure out what was going on.
He leaves. I talk to her. She says nothing. I move over to sit on the same couch as her to get closer to her. She kicked me hard in the chest and then moved to the other couch. She still refuses to speak to me. We had approximately 30 minutes left until her mother was going to pick her up, and then we wouldn't be able to see each other for another week. (we could only hang out on weekends because I lived an hour away)
We eventually make up after I broke down into tears from pure frustration (in front of our other friend mind you, which I didn't want to do) and then she goes home. I go home as well and I text her, because we texted each other pretty much all day every day.
She spontaneously suggests that we talk about our kinks. I tepidly agree because I know I'm walking on eggshells and I don't really want to provoke any more anger from her. She starts by saying that, because of how I treated her in 8th grade, she developed a sexual affinity for psychological abuse. She said she wanted someone to "tell her they wanted her to kill herself, then kiss her". I, of course, told her I wasn't comfortable doing that for her but I don't judge her for having an uncommon kink. She then has a mental breakdown because I'm "judging" her and "I know you can't do that for me, my next boyfriend will."
I spend hours into the night calming her down and reassuring her that she isn't being judged. This whole conflict is resolved at around 1:30 AM on a school night. This is an example of a more or less typical day with her. There were both worse and better days but it was generally around that level of awfulness.
​
On August 6th, I decide to break up with her. I couldn't handle being emotionally drained every single day anymore. For the first 3 months of our 4 month relationship (which is way too fucking short to be having these kinds of problems) I was essentially a doormat for her. After the 3rd month I became more coarse and abrasive and less tolerant of her breakdowns.
One example is we were doing playground mode in fortnite. She was killing me so I was killing her back. I was laughing and I thought it was all in good fun, since, y'know, it's a fucking video game, but she hangs up on me on skype and starts telling me that she "saw a side she hasn't seen since 8th grade", and that she was "scared". I told her that she was taking the game too seriously and that she was over dramatizing me laughing and having fun. This turned into a several hour long argument.
That's the type of toxicity that happened virtually every day for the fourth month of our relationship. There were multiple occasions where I was literally driven to tears just by being in her presence and knowing the constant pain she was in, purportedly because of me.
So I broke up with her. A few weeks later, she attempts suicide. At first she says it wasn't because of me but soon after that she labeled me as the sole cause of the attempt. She had also threatened suicide to me during our relationship when she was on a vacation in Florida. She said she was on a balcony and she wanted to throw herself off, "solely because of me."
To get to the point, I was perfectly fine with our mutual friend, who I will call N, maintaining his relationship with my ex. If demonizing me was how she coped, then fine. As long as she wasn't proactive about trying to ruin my reputation or get me into genuine trouble, then I wouldn't have any problems with it.
Recently, my dad bought a house in my ex's town and we're moving there after Christmas break. This has absolutely nothing to do with my ex. Most of my friends live in that town because I attended school from 3rd-9th grade there. I told N to notify her because I wanted to give her time to cope before seeing my face in the hallways, since I knew that would be painful for her.
She immediately goes into a downward spiral. She's frantically posting on social media and actively trying to convince popular and influential kids at our school that I verbally abused her. She threatens to post screenshots of the alleged abuse. N saw the screenshots and said they would help my case, not hers.
Now I'm not popular, but I'm relatively well known and people just by knowing me can tell I would never abuse someone the way she claims I abused her.
Here's the part where my dilemma comes in. After realizing that she won't have any luck convincing people I abused her verbally, she tells her parents that I abused her physically. She claims that I left bruises on her and that she has a friend who saw the bruises. Her parents contact my father and threaten us with the prospect of filing a police report.
​
I was perfectly comfortable allowing N and my ex to be friends before any of this happened, but the fact that she escalated it so much in such a short time (less than a week from when she found out I'm moving back) I decided I no longer wanted to share mutual friends with her. N and I have been best friends since the 6th grade. My ex and N have been friends for less than a year.
I told him that, under normal circumstances, I'd have no issue with them continuing to be friends, but in light of the fact that she made an earnest attempt to sabotage my future out of spite, I was no longer comfortable with them being friends.
He told me that it wasn't my place to determine who he's friends with. I agree, but I think it says a lot about his character that he wouldn't just stop being friends with her on principle. She did, after all, threaten me and my family with legal action based on a lie.
A pretty heated argument ensued. I told him he didn't understand that not only had I not abused her, but she abused me, both physically and emotionally. He told me essentially that it was my fault for not leaving the relationship sooner, that "there was no gun to my head". I told him to steer clear from me and blocked him on everything.
​
**TLDR:** I have an ex who used to have manageable levels of craziness, but now that she learned I'm moving back into her town, she threatened to take me to court for physically abusing her (which never happened) and my best friend, despite this, refuses to cut her off.
​
So, AITA for not wanting my best friend to remain friends with my psychotic ex?
​
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
b5jp1o
|
{
"description": "letting my girlfriend pay for me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for letting my girlfriend pay for me?
|
So I've already broken up with this girlfriend. It's been a while and I'm still kind of conflicted on one of our issues. For context, I'm 17 and she was 18. While we were dating she had a job at a local retirement home as a waitress making $12/hr, and she worked full time. Since she lived with her parents, she didn't have any bills to pay and as a result she had a lot of disposable income.
I, on the other hand, had no job and didn't really want one. I liked having my free time. My mom, who I live with, was struggling with money at the time and didn't have a lot of spare income.
My ex was always bored when we hung out at her place. Normally we would just watch movies and such, but she got bored of this eventually and soon wanted to go out and do things. We went out to eat sometimes, and other times we would go play laser tag or, on one occasion, go to a local golf field which was fairly expensive. Every time we went out, I always made sure with her that she was okay with paying for me. I didn't like asking my mom for money, so I always made sure my ex was okay with paying before I asked her.
Right before we broke up, we got into an argument over text where she blew up on me for not having a job and she was really getting annoyed with paying for me. She asked me why I never asked my mom, and I told her that I never asked my mom because she was always okay with paying for things and she never showed any signs of annoyance with it.
Here's the part I'm worried about: She asked me why I never asked my mom and I replied by saying that I preferred to ask my ex to pay for things because she has a lot of disposable income while my mom was tight on money most of the time. She just replied with "Wow" and then stopped responding to my texts.
Was I being an asshole by not asking my mom for money and instead relying on her to pay for things? I told her that if she wasn't okay with paying for me then there's loads of other things that we could do that's fun and free, but she just said that those were boring and she liked going out.
Thanks for the advice.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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AUTHOR
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{
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}
|
WRONG
|
EaHzUBxphIXtxWw3CbFTrjCgpCnwWR0G
|
b2k686
|
{
"description": "not locking up my edibles, resulting in my niece getting high af",
"pronormative_score": 211,
"contranormative_score": 127
}
|
AITA for not locking up my edibles, resulting in my niece getting high AF?
|
I live in Colorado, a legal state. I am a 35 year old woman. For many women, unwinding means a bottle of wine. For me, I prefer to pop an edible or two and relax in front of a paint canvas, my sewing machine, etc.
My sister's husband had an emergency that resulted in her needing to quickly find a sitter for her 9 year old. I like my niece and obviously wanted to help out my sister, but warned her that she'd probably be bored at my place, since we don't have a lot of kid-friendly stuff. At one point after she dropped her off with some books, I got up to take a shower. I'm pretty sure this is when it happened.
About an hour or so later, I notice niece hadn't said anything for a while. I went over to the couch to see what was up, and she's just staring at the ceiling with one of her books on her stomach. I ask her if she's okay, and I immediately knew something was up. She said "I ate some of your candy and it made me feel funny."
She had, in fact, eaten several of the sour gummies I had on my dresser. That I hadn't thought to lock up or anything like that because I'm a 35 year old woman who doesn't need to think about those things. Like ever.
I panicked, she seemed fine, I called poison control and called her mom and panicked a lot more. I felt awful. It hadn't even occurred to me that this is a thing that would happen. Honestly, I did not foresee this happening. At all. Niece is completely fine, she ended up falling asleep after asking me for a grilled cheese sandwich with cut up hot dogs in it and asking if we could watch a movie. I stayed with her, kept her hydrated, etc, and apologized at least six million times to my sister, who was horrified and actually screamed at me. Once again, my niece is *fine.*
Even my parents are in on it, blaming me and telling me I should have those things in a safe where no one could get to them, how could I possibly thing it was okay to have them around a child, no one should ever let their kids around me because next time I might give them a beer, etc etc. And I've been uninvited from anywhere that my niece will be, because they think somehow I planned for this to happen.
I feel awful, like I've said a million times, but I really don't think I'm an asshole for this happening. I didn't do this on purpose. I have never needed to lock up my edibles before for the same reason I would never lock up a bottle of wine. When my sister called me in a panic, it wasn't like I thought "Oh my god, I need to immediately childproof my home!"
But am I the asshole here? Do I really deserve what's happening now?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 80,
"OTHER": 169,
"EVERYBODY": 47,
"NOBODY": 42,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 127
}
|
RIGHT
|
nkDlXbkJ8PE7umcpLYrwSoQ2HgAbm9it
|
9tl4go
|
{
"description": "making my girlfriend insecure about her body",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for making my girlfriend insecure about her body?
|
As a bit of background, my girlfriend and I have been dating for \~2.5 years, and she has always been pretty insecure of her body – to the point where to took months for her to let me see her fully naked. I've always been very understanding and supportive of that, going out of my way to make her feel beautiful and comfortable in her skin and recently we even started showering together!
​
However, about 4 months ago she got an IUD. Was totally on board, and regardless it's her body and thus her decision. Since then though, there's been two issues that I have not mentioned in hopes that they would either go away naturally or she might notice herself. Firstly, she has been spotting a LOT. Like every single time we have sex now I feel as if I am literally murderin' dat pussy. I'm probably in the minority here but I'm not particularly a big fan of blood in general and still have mental scars from an incident of going down on a girl on her period unknowingly. That's the lesser of the two issues though. She has also started to smell progressively worse down there ever since the IUD, to the point that I can often smell her outside her pants if I get too close and smells kind of like B.O mixed with urine – not exactly appealing. I do have a pretty sensitive sense of smell, but it's blatantly obvious now and shocking to me that she hasn't noticed.
​
Anyway last night she asked me why I haven't been going down on her lately and I felt as if I had to be honest with her about it. I made it known it wasn't towards her personally, placed the blame on the IUD and how I've noticed it only since then, and tried to play it off like it wasn't as big of a deal as I've actually been finding it. She was still extremely hurt and instantly went to the shower where I heard her crying. I felt like absolute shit for the rest of the night and was thinking I just shouldn't have said anything. This morning I heard her make an appointment to get the IUD removed.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
Df10HuDmb3UWTJHKuCAFZZRoOoVVt1Wq
|
b7jezs
|
{
"description": "being jealous of a dead guy",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for being jealous of a dead guy?
|
So here's the deal, my girlfriend of 5 years is going to visit the grave of her deceased coworker in April, it will be the anniversary of his death. They only worked with each other for about half a year and she had stopped working with him about 2 months before he tragically died in a car wreck.
Now here is why I am jealous, I hardly knew the guy, met him two times, and now I'm finding out that they used to hang out all the time out side of work and talk on the phone every day. I was unaware of this and thought they were just work friends at least that's what it my girlfriend made it seem like. Tonight we went to have some drinks and on the car ride home she confided in me she was worried about going to visit his grave this year because of the nightmares she had the last time.
Now I'm not against her going to visit him even though he is buried 4 hours away from our home town but I just don't understand why this guy was so special to her. We have mutual friends and I've met plenty of her work friends before but it just seems like she was hiding him from me and now she cant get over that he's gone. I confronted her about this and now I'm in the dog house, shes pissed and crying and wont talk to me a out it
After finding out how close of a relationship they had behind my back even after he is gone, I am still jealous and confused, aita?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
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}
|
WRONG
|
0mqG5fFyOAZwEvE2ZzBmWw4XRtzDxMjn
|
a6bq8z
|
{
"description": "snooping through my partner's phone",
"pronormative_score": 227,
"contranormative_score": 185
}
|
AITA for snooping through my partner’s phone?
|
My boyfriend was acting a bit off lately. A bit distant. I asked him what was up and he just told me he was in a depressive hole lately. But I couldn’t quell on that gut-feeling that something was wrong, so, yes, I went ahead and snooped his phone while he was asleep. And I found exactly what I feared. He had a girl on the side.
I felt a whirlwind of emotions. I wanted to wake him up and cuss him out. But instead I got dressed and wrote a note by his bedside explaining what I found out before I left. He later called me and yelled at me over the phone, calling me a piece of shit for invading his privacy and telling me that this proves I never trusted him.
I’m not pro-snooping unless you get the sense that something is REALLY wrong. I have friends who snoop their boyfriends phones all the time, for no reason other than just being nosy. I’m against that.
I’m glad I did it. I’m glad I didn’t live another day, another week, another 3 months with someone who was cheating on me. “Ignorance is bliss”? Fuck that. I saved myself a lot of heartbreak in the future just by snooping.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 69,
"OTHER": 226,
"EVERYBODY": 116,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 227,
"WRONG": 185
}
|
RIGHT
|
gsBU6OQeJzluxMTohmvTOEYwGOrd7XUP
|
b3wrvf
|
{
"description": "acknowledging parking etiquette",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for acknowledging parking etiquette
|
Both my kids go to this preschool that's at this church. Most everybody is not a member of said church, myself included. To clarify before I go any further, the preschool is a good mix of all ethnic backgrounds, no stereotyping.
I like to believe in a good person and to raise my kids to be even better than myself, I have my faults. I tend to be the "it's the principle" type of person. With that being said, obviously no one is getting hurt by what these parents are doing but ffs they all seem privileged. I'd say (completely made up number, which I'm known for) 80% of the parents park in handicap spots while dropping off and picking up their kids. It's infuriating! I immediately think of the people who park in the fire lane at grocery stores, and then leave their grocery cart on the parking spot. Lazy fu*KS! One mother even double parks 2 cars in by literally parking in the aisle (which I'm half partial about bc she's double parking the obviously non handicap people in) but it blocks traffic. Especially since the parking lot is one way and about 63% of parents leave the lot going head on with traffic and look at me like I'm in the wrong. Out of all the people who bring their kids to this preschool, only one has a handicap sticker. The church has a daily lunch at 1pm for the congregation and that's the same tone we pick up our children so they literally are taking spots of people who actually are handicap and the parking lot is gravel.
Anywho, I drop little comments just under my breath to my kids while walking past these people. See that kids, don't be like her. Or, as I'm driving while cars are driving the wrong direction, pointing to how the flow of traffic is and not slowing down because they're too stupid to follow directions.
It's hard to dislike some of these parents because some are generally nice people and so are their kids but at the same time, I think they're a-holes.
I'm not naive about what constitutes as being handicap. Not everyone physically fits the bill of what the general public considers handicap but I hate giving the benefit of the doubt (1 of many faults) when so many people ignore the law.
And yes, it's on church property so it's technically not illegal because it's out of the polices jurisdiction, but it's the principle.
Also, I have spoken to some of them and asked them why they do it or do they realize they are. I either get a look or the common, it's not hurting anyone, it's just for a minute!
Tldr: parents park in handicap spots > I make snide remarks under my breath when I walk by them.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
KzyGs17WHtFBfXaQ5B725ovzbL2UiQxf
|
auq18r
|
{
"description": "dating a mutual friend",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for dating a mutual friend?
|
Ok Reddit, I’ll keep try to keep this short and simple.
So I used to date this guy for a few years, we’ll call him Ryan. This was at a time in my life when I was really insecure and dealing with major depression. The first year of our relationship was great, but over time he started to become more and more abusive. At first it started with him being really controlling and jealous, and escalated to him choking me out one night because a guy at a bar told me “I like your band t-shirt” and apparently I said “thank you” too nicely. So after years of being abused mentally, verbally and physically, I finally snapped when I found out he cheated on me with a mutual friend’s gf and ended it for good.
We have known each other since high school, and shared many mutual friends. When it came out why I had broken up with him (abuse and cheating) he lost some of the friends from our group. We all have distanced ourselves from him because he is violent and a pathological liar, and we are done dealing with it.
About a year after I broke up with Ryan, I started dating someone we have both known since high school. However, my current bf, we’ll call him Wes, ended his friendship with him shortly after I broke it off, claiming he never liked him anyway and this was his chance to finally cut ties with him. When Ryan found out I was dating Wes, he bombarded me with texts, claiming I was a whore, we were both traitors, and threatened to “come after me cuz he’s got guns and I know he’s not afraid to use them.”
Reddit please be honest, AITA and a bad person for dating someone my ex and I were both friends with at one point?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 9,
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
CrB7PyvrOTWTv0cQQNRX6GrKOaQ7cKvH
|
at86s7
|
{
"description": "telling my friend to abandon his \"dream\" and get a job",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for telling my friend to abandon his "dream" and get a job?
|
There's a thread over in r/relationship_advice about a girlfriend dealing with her boyfriend who wanted to become a professional streamer, and it's reminded me of a situation I'm in the middle of with a friend.
​
I have this friend, we'll call him Joe, and he's decided he wants to make a career out of streaming video games on Twitch. He largely chose this after seeing my YouTube channel grow a fair amount within in the past year. But the thing is, I'm a content creator as a hobby - it gets me a little extra money at the moment and if I can make it a career eventually then cool, but I'm not counting on it and still work a day job. Joe dropped out of high school about a year ago and won't get a job because he's insistent on being a streamer. He tried to get a channel started on YouTube but gave up on that since he wasn't getting any views, so he's moved over to Twitch and has been streaming daily for the past couple months. However, he hasn't had much luck in gaining an audience. He's not the worst streamer ever, he just doesn't have a very good personality for it - he's rather shy and he'll sometimes sit there on the game menu if there's no one to talk to him (which is often) like "um... so uh... I don't know what to do... hmm... well..." It's awkward as fuck to watch, then usually he'll message me to join because he's terrible at interacting with the audience or coming up with something to talk about on his own.
​
He also lives with his parents and they often nag at him to get a job, they're worried he's not doing anything with his life, etc., and I'm starting to agree with them. I've tried being supportive but after his streams he'll sometimes message me being all sad going on about how no one's watching him and he doesn't know what to do because he wants to be a streamer so bad, it's his life's dream even though he just decided on this a couple months ago. It's become rather frustrating, like he expects to become an instant success overnight. Even for me, it took 5 years to get to where I am now and only recently starting growing a decent amount in the past year. I've tried telling him that maybe he needs something to fall back on, perhaps not stream every single day and instead work part-time a few days a week, but he completely refuses, says he doesn't want to neglect his channel or whatever, and if he wants to be successful he needs to put all his time and effort into it.
​
It's getting to the point where I want to have a firm discussion with Joe about the realities of his "dream" and tell him his parents are right, and he shouldn't waste his life like this chasing something that's probably never going to happen. But at the same time I feel like crushing his dreams would also be an asshole move being his friend, especially since he looks up to me a lot and he's stated before that he aspires to be more like me. Would I be the asshole to put my foot down in this situation?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
byIOpMY3CI2vLueFM2DAW6Nkiy5umYhk
|
9v4z2e
|
{
"description": "really badly insulting someone because they wouldnt stop trying to put me below them",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for really badly insulting someone because they wouldnt stop trying to put me below them.
|
This one kid in my school is a really strange personality, I want to be his friend but he makes it so hard (or maybe I'm just not seeing something). I was his friend about 2 weeks ago, we got pretty close, talked on discord up to 4 hours a day, but then he stopped talking to me and started making jokes/insults (insulting my appearance etc) towards me on a group chat we are in because (I think) he didn't like the fact that the girl he has a crush on is my best friend, keep in mind I don't like her sexually at all.
They used to meet before school every morning, and the girl thought that it was a bit boring and that I should come too, so I started showing up, then one day the boy seemed very upset, we were good friends at the time before we met there every morning but after we started meeting it was not really the same. We asked the boy what was up and he said nothing, after school, he texted the girl saying that I was getting in the way and that he wanted her to himself (she told me this). I felt bad so I stopped coming but it didn't change anything.
He made more and more jokes over time and eventually it got really bad. To the point where whenever I saw him typing on the group chat I knew it was going to be an edit of me or an insult towards me (about 7 out of 10 messages were about me, I am not being biest and/or exaggerating). It was like he hated me, I didn't really understand why because I wasn't even talking to him anymore, he started making jokes about how I liked the girl and how I could never get her and things like this. I never said anything insulting back, I usually told him to grow up or to stop. This wasn't really that bad just he was making people I don't even talk to or know dislike me. He knew I'd rather be his friend that argue and fight but he proceeded.
A few days later we had an argument about the girl, he was saying I want to go out with her but I can't, I said that the only reason he is stressing out over me talking about this is because he likes her, I told him to stop trying to mess my relationships with other people up and to stop talking about me, at the end of the argument the majority of the people who were in the group chat agreed with me and they all told him that he needs to grow up. He only said more things after this, I started saying insults back because I was getting angry but most of the time I ignored it. I thought he was bullying me for attention or something.
Today I'd had enough, he had been going with the insults about me, my parents, my personality for too long and I decided to just end it. I warned him several times prior to this that he should stop trying to put me down or I will say something about him and the girl he didn't want me to say. I didn't tell him what it was. He egged me on to do it for the whole day and so I did. I told the chat that he told the girl that I'm getting in his way and that he wants her all to himself. I feel bad, I don't think I won anything here, I'd just made things worse. AITA for telling the group chat he said he wants the girl all to himself so that I could feel better for one day. I feel as though I just kicked a yapping dog in the face, I wanted it to shut up, but maybe I took it too far.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
gy3qq5fZZaumb11YC4AbeQZRM2f7cHhl
|
b43wm8
|
{
"description": "being arrogant with girls",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for being arrogant with girls?
|
I (19M) am arrogant in general, especially so when it comes to hooking up with girls. I'm at university so idk I know quite a lot of my friends are a similar way, even moreso than me.
In school, I was painfully anxious and shy, as well as really skinny and an easy target. Now that I've bulked up a bit and dress better, and in a new environment at university, my confidence has shot way up.
I'm just really arrogant with girls because this is how I see the best way to act is. The last 2 girls I got with, I was highly arrogant with and I pursued them because they seemed dumb and clueless (not trying to insult them, that's just how they seemed), they seemed dumb and stroked my ego, they'd say shit to me like ''You're so smart'' and ''You're so good looking'' and I'd eat that shit up, I'll say things like ''Yeah keep on going, tell me more lol'' because I'm using them to stroke my own ego. Most of this happens at parties where alcohol is involved, of course, but yeah.
Three girls who knew me from high school, saw me at uni (they go same uni) and they were talking about me, they were saying ''Can you believe how arrogant throwawayfebasm has become?? Who the hell does he think he is?''.
When I found out they said this, I feel like I took a drug. I was feeding on their negative comments, it made my ego even bigger.
My friends act similar to me but my sister (24F) has seen how I acts and she said I am being a asshole and need to stop. My mother (50F) also knows how I behave and she said I need to pack it in but my dad (52M) started laughing and said I'm a good lad, so idk what to do here, my guy friends and dad are fine with me an support me but my sister and mother don't like it, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 16
}
|
WRONG
|
VYbgLlkj8glOH0NwABZZwNJbM6kVDnPv
|
ac5m0m
|
{
"description": "sleeping with a co-worker who has a boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for sleeping with a co-worker who has a boyfriend?
|
Spoiler: when I say sleeping with, I mean that literally, nothing else happened.
So this happened last week at a Christmas Party. With a co-worker who is smart, attractive and funny.
The girl in question was rediculously drunk, like, stupid drunk. I wasn't too much better.
However after the party was over (she had left about 10-20 minutes earlier as she was staying right by the venue I didn't think she'd have any trouble getting back)
As I leave the party she starts to call me asking me to pick her up, but being obnoxious/drunk about it, saying that she needs me and not giving any details, but because she sounded like she was outside I wanted to make sure she got home safe.
These calls to back and forth with her hanging up a few times in between and sending texts, eventually we meet up and I walk her back to her hotel room, she invites me in. In my head I'm thinking that "*Okay, I'll make sure she's set to sleep*".
She's being generally flirty, saying how comfy the bed is and how nice it would be to cuddle then says to join her in the bed, which I do (thinking back on it, being stupid).
Still in my head thinking that I'm just going to leave. Then I don't leave, even after she gets more flirty. Following that; we sleep.
I can't help but feel that IATA for knowing she had a boyfriend but still staying in her hotel room. I know how I'd feel being that boyfriend.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
twG5nkGuvaxTXv6KADfcDgDsAUkIrcK4
|
anga5c
|
{
"description": "finding out about my classmates being on their periods",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for finding out about my classmates being on their periods?
|
So, some background, i am 14m so am obviously very awkward about things like this, but it was made worse who it was
Friend group XYZ is a group of female friends that I get along well with and chat to quite regularly, it is just made awkward by the fact that I had a crush on X in elementary school and a crush on Y a few months ago, they both know, but neither reciprocated the feelings, and now all three of them think Z is next because of the pattern.
BUT ANYWAY into the story, I had been chatting to this group in the lesson and heard a conversation going on between X, Y and a mutual male friend, I didn't hear much, but they asked whether I heard anything and I told them that I didn't hear anything. Their faces were red and they had been laughing so I assumed it was a joke that I hadn't heard.
Later that lesson I was put into group work with the mutual friend and I asked what it was about, he wouldn't say at first, so I asked again, and he told me that both X and Y were on their periods.
So, am I the asshole? I feel like I found out something too sensitive, or am I overreacting, and am I the asshole for going out of my way to find this out? I'm very awkward, which probably made it worse, and I also asked Z what it was about before I asked the friend and she just went red and started laughing, I'm not asking for advice, as this happened a while ago, but its been bugging me, please let me know what you guys think.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
wLtHS3RnxxH0ak6quQvIG5M9ve1evsIa
|
b52qcz
|
{
"description": "thinking it's ok to put down dog by shooting it",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for thinking it's ok to put down dog by shooting it?
|
A couple who are friends with me and my wife put their old dog down recently. My wife found out the husband took it out back and shot it rather than taking it to the vet for the pink juice.
She was mortified. To the point she doesn't want to be friends with them. Basically I told her some people are different and I didn't see anything wrong with it. Wife also couldn't kill an animal, while I am a hunter and that's just the facts of life. I asked her how she thought they put down animals before vets, and she said that was then.
Not concerned about the conversation with the wife, she wasn't phased. Just wondering if being okay with that method of putting your dog down makes me an asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
clMOJV8AsdbQ4aNgvje873mSiKpHHw9Y
|
b1fyp7
|
{
"description": "not planning to bring my boyfriend along on this trip",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not planning to bring my boyfriend along on this trip?
|
Throwaway. He knows my main.
I'm looking to go to a summer school abroad. It's a pretty decent one, fully related to my future career and it's in a place I've wanted to go for a while now. Also I have a friend who lives there who got really excited at the thought of meeting me, so everything seemed pretty positive.
My boyfriend has also been there (without me) and so I asked him about hotels, flights, prices, etc.
He thought it was a holiday and that we were going together to which I said I'm primarily going for the summer school, not to be a tourist and explore the city, and that since it's a school, he wouldn't really see me that much so it makes sense to go again some other time when we can be a couple and do couple things around this place.
But he was still really pissed off that I plan to go alone.
I, personally, think it makes more sense for us to go another time where we can have fun and chill out together, since it's a Monday-Friday type of thing and I will be busy on my own for a good chunk of the day. If no one else comes with us, he'll be on his own in a different country and I don't personally feel comfortable putting him into that position. I tried explaining that to him but he got even more pissed off at me.
Now I don't really feel like going. I haven't made any forms of payment yet so I can choose not to go. But this whole situation has got me feeling deflated and a bit conflicted.
So AITA here? Am I wrong in why I decided it would be better to go alone?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
QDjyYOSnZZ6Ov06fRsYkIETvJ5DvFzNA
|
b1w61g
| null |
AITA if my girlfriend broke up with me for farting?
|
Bit of background: I'm taking some light chemo (nothing serious) and one of the side effects is gassiness. The kind of farts that could cure leather. My girlfriend and I were out all day yesterday and I had a bad case of environmental toxicity. She teased me a bit at first (which is NBD), but as the day went on she got very snippy. We went to the gym at night and I finally was able to chew some Gas-X, which significantly improved the situation. I let one rip and she got really mad at me, telling me I should have walked across the room. (I hate these days more than anyone. It sucks walking around leaking methane and god-knows-what. I just hated the way she was talking to me like I was doing it on purpose) She then took her bag and went home and texted me not to contact her again.
TTYL: I had a bad case of SBD and my girlfriend broke up with me. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
tUkrp0g2ivBLyS0Q8LEuUVYoStc3DXOD
|
ao418u
|
{
"description": "not being as friend like to one person over others",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not being as friend like to one person over others?
|
Alright, so, this just happened. Last night, my roommate/“friend” who is male texted me “Love you Goodnight” and I thought nothing about it and replied with “Love you too bud Goodnight” and he responded the next day with “I’ll stop saying I love you since it makes you uncomfortable” and tbh it does because I don’t just say that to anyone. We’ve been living together since last March and since then he’s tried being my friend but with all the issues because of him confessing his love to me (I’m male too but he’s gay) and I shut him down on numerous occasions because I wasn’t comfortable. Like, I support LGBT but knowing that my own roommate regardless of gender or sexual orientation that I’m 10000% not interested in had said that, I just told him that I’m not into him. The entire time we’ve been living together, I just didn’t click with his vibe. We have common interests but he’s just very negative about a lot of things about himself which makes me feel bad. Not to mention he is skeptical of every guy I meet because I used to experiment with them during our friendship and excluded him. Once that was over, the assumptions never stopped. Thinking I sneak out or are talking to guys nearby like we are dating. It’s been driving me nuts. I’m only pointing out the negative things he does. He helps me with my pets, pays rent, buys gifts on holidays and cooks sometimes too. He gives me advice on my parents and relationships but when it comes to men or friendship, that’s what bothers him the most. I am very friendly with new people and he always points it out when we come back home. I’m usually all in the huggy mood with women and, because he keeps assuming I’m sleeping with any guy within a 10 mile radius, I avoid them like the plague or shut down my emotions when talking to them so he doesn’t think I’m seeing them on the side(which I’m not)ANYWAY, getting back to the I love you thing. He brought it up like an hour ago at work. “You didn’t even answer my text” and I said “Oh the “Love you thing?” Yeah, you can stop” and he just said “okay. Another thing to add to my list”. Every few minutes after that he’d mumble something like “Guess that’s another thing you’re lying about” (I kept the sexual life from him which was one of the things I lied about because it wasn’t his business) but I just kept to myself and pretended I didn’t hear it. COINCIDENTALLY, A coworker was on the phone with a guy friend and he was closing the conversation as he walked past our office to which he said “Aii Love you bo” and that triggered my friend to scoff. I’ve never said “I love you” to any of my guy friends. EVER. And It was just unorthodox to me. He left to talk to a coworker nonchalantly to see what they’d say about the situation and now it’s my turn. What do you guys think? Am I the asshole for putting him in a separate category as far as affection goes?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
47ATO0EDDynm5YolLkhjaKWMQ5pQv9Ff
|
b1n3mp
|
{
"description": "not wanting my best friend to date my ex-girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting my best friend to date my ex-girlfriend
|
Just FYI this is a throwaway account.
So let me back it up a bit. Around 2 or so years ago, I got my first girlfriend. I really liked her and was ecstatic to be with her. It was such a new experience for someone to have feelings for me in return, and I have a lot of great memories of being with this specific girl. I look back at these memories very fondly. When she broke up with me though, I was heartbroken. It came out of nowhere and I never got a reason as to why she didn't want to be with me anymore. Fast forward to the present, and I still have feelings for her deep down. I don't know if they'll ever go away, and I think this is due to the breakup not being mutual. Anyways, my best friend recently started talking to her. For the sake of this post, let's just call this girl "Sarah". So my best friend started talking to Sarah. Big deal right? I didn't think anything of it at the time, and didn't even consider if they were having a romantic relationship. More and more, he started acting really distant. He would hang out with our mutual friends, but not even talk to me. Later on, he finally told me that he asked Sarah out, and she said yes. I honestly couldn't even believe him. The thing is, we've PROMISED each other that we wouldn't date each other's ex girlfriends. I've never even considered asking out any of his ex girlfriends, and for him to just go against his word, makes me feel really betrayed. Even if we didn't promise to do this sort of thing, I'd think it's a "Bro-Code" given, to not do this kind of shit. And I know for a fact, that the only reason he would go for Sarah, is because he is too scared to put himself out there and meet new women. I honestly feel really betrayed in this situation. I should also mention, he's thrown me and our mutual friends under the bus for girls in the past. So I don't know why I didn't see something like this coming. He knows how I felt about her, and how I feel about her today. We've been friends for much longer than both of us even knew Sarah, so it baffles me that he would just betray me like this. Am I the asshole for thinking this way? Should I just let them date and not say anything about it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
g6G9h56gCTmkGf0BDrkQ1i4dJhXTumLx
|
apuww2
|
{
"description": "using my blender at 6:30am",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for using my blender at 6:30AM?
|
I live in an apartment that is on the top floor, on the side, with a 3BR unit below and a 2 BR unit next to me. I have no roommates. I start work at 7:30AM M-F which puts me having breakfast around 6:30AM. I like blending fruit and veggies into smoothies, which makes a considerable amount of noise for about 30 seconds. Am I the asshole for blending so early in the morning?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 20,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 28,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
7t1MlvoO2Ymb4mRVK4WNFUNn6MQQukSC
|
an8zfn
|
{
"description": "\"harassing\" this poor girl",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for "harassing" this poor girl?
|
Oh boy, where to begin?
So, a couple of years ago, I developed a crush on this girl we'll call J. Now, things were going fine for a while, J liked me back too, so....what happened?
Frankly, I had no idea.
One day, she came to school pissed. I asked here why she was angry. She wouldn't say, but I had a suspicion to why she would say this. see, the day before, we had a political discussion. We all had to give our opinion and respectfully debate with our peers. Now, I'm a hard Republican(trump, border wall, Right views)while she's a hard Democrat( patriarchy, feminist, fat acceptance, left views). This wasn't a problem until the debate, which, despite the main rule about keeping things civil, got a little heated, especially between me and her.
So jump back to the day she came to school pissed. I asked her why. She didn't respond. Now, this kept on for a MONTH. Finally, I grew a pair and decided to joke around with her. One day, when she was particularly angry, I said the following.
"Why are you so mad? Is it your time of the month?"
Let the chaos ensue.
From that day on, she despised the ground I walked on. She would do the following
- try to get me in trouble for any goddamn reason, she even lied about many things. EX: reported me for saying the N word on the day I was sick with the flu.
-succesfully turned all my friends against me for a year, using the excuse that I was "homophobic, racist, sexist etc." Which I am not. Disagreeing with someone over the border wall does not make me racist
- got angry over the tiniest things.
EX 1:threw a hissy fit because I took "her" seat on the bus(no assigned seats.) I offered to move, but she just gave me the death glare and sat somewhere else.
EX 2: yelled at me because my friend left his banana peel on the table. She told me that he was my responsibility or whatever. I told her to take her complaints with him.
So much shit has happened with her, to the point where other people just don't like hanging out with her anymore. She keeps saying shit like "Oh, finally, the people I actually care about " to her friends. She insults them and disregards them on a day to day basis. Now, with all this happening, I apologized about the "time of the month" comment. three times. She didn't care. She was in it for the drama at this point. She loved drama.
You know how I know?
All of this shit happened 2-3 years ago. All of it. And she keeps bringing it up. She uses it as an excuse! She constantly brings up irrelevant shit and causes controversy just to see a bit of drama! I'm sick and tired of her,but I wonder? AITA? I don't know? Could you guys help me decide?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
50uyZV8DHXIAsCiylULORo2OdijGs3nP
|
a76ccv
|
{
"description": "getting annoyed for being asked to fill my dad's unemployment form while I'm in a foreign country",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting annoyed for being asked to fill my dad’s unemployment form while I’m in a foreign country?
|
Ok so background: my dad has a seasonal job and doesn’t work during the winter time. During this time he collects unemployment checks in which he needs to either call or fill out an online form answering pretty basic questions (i.e. have you worked a temporary job? Gotten paid for work?) which basically just try to filter out whether or not you have a job during this time. My dad’s first language isn’t english so he doesn’t feel super comfortable answering automated questions on the phone, and he isn’t good with computers. I’ve done this for him in the past, gladly, because I’m usually at work or home when I do it and it’s not a very big deal. The thing is, is that you’re required to fill out this form on a specific day and between a few hours, otherwise you miss out on that biweekly paycheck. I’m going out of the country in the middle of January and my dad insists that I can call or go online to do this. I ask him why he can’t do it while I’m away (or ask his coworkers, which he has done in the past), and he asks “why can’t you just do it on the computer”. I tell him I’m not taking my laptop abroad, which then he says that my phone is a computer and I should be able to do it on there.
AITA for getting annoyed at this? I’ll be out of the country celebrating a friend’s wedding. I can’t access certain government websites while abroad anyway, which I remind him of after we had this conversation. He seemed a bit sad that I got annoyed during the initial conversation. So AITA for not being overly excited to do this while I’m away? I’d only be away for a week and would be fine to do it before and after my trip. My dad getting super sad over this makes me feel like an awful child (I’m 26 btw) and that I’m not doing enough for them for just saying no (for one week!!)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
EOZf2vxLcG6QNcldIVwi00JpmaAzb88c
|
ax0bix
|
{
"description": "making a another dad make his kid cry",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for making a another dad make his kid cry?
|
First time poster here.
This happened this past summer.
We live in a HCOL area. Lots of wealthy/entitled people. We are not poor, but (very) far from wealthy.
The wife and I take our kids to the local public park. Now, this park is awesome and FREE. It has a huge splash park, three playgrounds, tennis courts, paved nature trails, etc.
The final cool feature it has, is a full sized carousel. This is the only thing that costs anything, besides stuff at the concession stand. It’s $5 USD per child, per ride. This is where the conflict occurs.
After a fun morning of splash pad, my wife and I decide to get our kiddos some ice cream and then head to the carousel because you have to buy tickets at the concession stand. The carousel only runs every 15 minutes and by the time we get to the carousel people/kids are piling in. Now, my son can be picky and normally I don’t play along with his pickiness unless he’s willing to be a big kid about it. So, when we see the only seat left is a non-moving horse, intended for very small children, I ask if he would like to wait 15 minutes for the next one to get a better seat. He says yes and waits, just being a good kid, eating his ice cream and choosing the type of seat he wants.
He settles on an eagle. It’s huge and colorful and he's really excited for it.
Cue the Other Dad (OD). We make small talk ask our boys, who were about the same age, which animal they are going to pick. My son says the eagle, the other little boy says a lion. Cool.
At some point in our 15 minutes we talk about how our local movie theater is great because you can pick your seat ahead of time and not be at the will of the “Social Contract” of waiting in line for your turn to pick a seat. From this I get the feeling that we’re both on board with the seat choices and the way our next shared experience should go. I was wrong.
As soon as we get let into the carousel OD flat out runs right to the eagle and plops his son right on to it.
I gotta be honest, I was flabbergasted. Normally, I would have just been like “oh well, dude’s a jerk” and helped my son pick another seat. I didn’t this time. I just had had a conversation with this guy. WTH?!
I looked right at the guy and said “ Really?! We just talked about this” He shrugged, as if to say “tough cookies.”
Nope. Not good enough.
Now, because of the nature of this ride the seats filled up quickly around us. I looked at him AGAIN and said “Really?” It was uncomfortable, to say the least.
After a few VERY tense moments, he picked his kid up and moved him to another seat. And his kid started bawling his eyes out. It was bad. I felt bad. I still kind of do.
I picked my son up and put him on the eagle and he thoroughly enjoyed his ride. We walked home with our ice cream cones.
So, AITA?
TLDR;
I made a kid cry because I made his dad give my son a seat on a carousel after we had all discussed which seats we were picking.
I
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
YF6RRaN72mQDQejwmF0lZhz1bOJf92MQ
|
ay2im5
|
{
"description": "walking in on a professor while they were still lecturing despite class time being over",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for walking in on a professor while they were still lecturing despite class time being over?
|
This happened last semester of college, so a 3-4 months back. I'm posting now because I only discovered this sub a couple days ago, ok story time. So every Monday Wednesday, and Friday, I had this astronomy class, and the class that was being taught right before my astronomy class was supposed to be finished at 9:50 AM each of those days, with my class starting at 10:00 AM. For countless weeks I'd been walking in a couple minutes after 9:50 and most students from the previous class would be gone or leaving, so I could sit and wait for my class to start. One day, I get to class and when I open the door, the professor from the previous class is still lecturing. I didn't want to look like an idiot, and the door was in the back so I didn't distract anybody when I entered, so I took a seat in the very back. As soon as I sat down, the professor stopped lecturing for a good 5 or so seconds and just gave me this death glare. This prompted everyone in the class to turn around and stare at me too, then he continued lecturing. This made me feel terrible, and I immediately begin questioning whether what I did or not was wrong. I checked my phone and the class was supposed to be over 3 minutes prior, so I wasn't sure whether I was wrong for "interrupting" or the professor was wrong for going late and making a show of my sitting down. Help me out reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
quMCDUxjztCAuwxvwAYBZ2sqJdxFCGTo
|
a05wdn
|
{
"description": "spray painting over my sisters art",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for spray painting over my sisters art?
|
I commissioned a painting from my sister about 2 years ago. I paid for the piece and all the supplies before she started working on it. Last month my sister texted me asking if I was available because she was going to come over with the finished painting, so we organised a time for her to arrive and we could have coffee and she could give me the completed piece.
So the day rolls around and she comes in with the piece and it’s not finished, she’s only painted the background (and not the way I asked) and she has only just started on the lettering (also in a different style than I had asked), so she spends the day over and I have an exam the next day which I was stressed about, but I try to remain civil, while she uses my garage to finish it off. But she doesn’t finish it and she left it in my garage, I get a bit drunk a couple days later and spray paint over this painting in a fit of anger. I haven’t told her about it yet.
Also to add context my sister and I don’t have a great relationship and me commissioning the painting felt like me extending an olive branch.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 15
}
|
WRONG
|
OvOGx5r2R4F1Zs7BKFKDpbW3TRNWPZgX
|
b2mgbh
|
{
"description": "getting fucking pissed at my date for running a red light",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA for getting fucking pissed at my date for running a red light?
|
So I’m with a date with with girl (second date, she’s cool) and she’s driving me home. It’s 2 am and there’s not a car in the road in sight.
So we stop at a red light. She looks both ways, sees no cars, and runs it.
I’m verbally pissed. I tell her even if there’s no cars you have to stop. It’s dangerous and I thought it was immature.
She thought I was being overdramatic and a drama queen.
I honestly don’t think I’m the asshole, sure it was rude to call her out on it but I don’t think running red lights is EVER socially acceptable.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 6
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 14
}
|
RIGHT
|
hKSbY7OlZQaO2f0nPhtkTMGUf4leEn7y
|
anj66i
|
{
"description": "getting upset at my father's seemingly biphobic statement",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting upset at my father’s seemingly biphobic statement?
|
So yesterday while me, my father and my brother were having dinner, we were talking about this family we knew and I mentioned that one of their kids had told me his mother is bisexual. My dad immediately asked if his mom had girlfriends from time to time or something to which I said no, they are happily married. My dad then asked why in the hell would these kids my age (all approximately 14-17) know their mother is bi.
I, myself a bisexual person, was a little confused and I said I thought it was a normal thing to share, to which neither my father nor my brother agreed with.
My father then said that in the case my mother was bi, (she is straight, so this is a hypothetical scenario) he would find it strange if she shared it with not only me and my brother, but anyone. He said he would feel insecure if his partner would tell people she’s bi (but happy with her partner and not planning on leaving him). To me it sounded like he wanted my hypothetically bi mother to pretend she’s straight just because she’s in a straight marriage, plus it also sounded like he thought a bi woman was more likely to leave him for another woman.
I was pretty upset at this point and I said to my father that I thought this statement was kind of biphobic. Now my father knows I’m bisexual myself and he’s been extremely supportive so he did not like my accusation at all. Where I meant ‘hey, this is kind of biphobic to say and it has upset me.’ He took it as ‘I think you’re a homophobe.’ And got angry in return, saying he did not deserve that.
A bit of pointless discussion later I stormed off to my room as he refused to apologize, and when I said I didn’t like hearing this stuff in my own house because I hear it at school so much already, he said he would not walk on eggshells around me. I felt like I was reasonable asking him to be a little considerate, as I feel his whole standpoint kind of came from the stereotype bi people would not have ‘enough’ in one relationship.
So, AITA in this scenario? Should I have heard him out and not gotten upset or was it okay for me to be angry?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
ML7qtRoiHJ1EFbdhnrYQGvQfsXMtI9f7
|
b6g6m1
| null |
AITA for my attitude towards birth control and requirements for having sex with my boyfriend? (slightly NSFW)
|
My boyfriend and I are relatively new to sex. We also just moved to an European country for university. It's been almost two months since.
We had sex a couple of times here, unlike what I had planned. But we were in the mood and I was in high spirits.
Everything was going fine until something happened with the condom we were using that made me nervous (it slipped a little upwards and we pulled it back down and continued). After an instance of him doing so before, I asked him to not contest me on whether or not he should change a condom when I requested so I could relax during sex, but it happened again this time.
I began to worry, and decided to tell him what I wanted before having sex, and asked for a break from sex until we had them all:
1. To wait until we had stable living spaces (we will need to move soon) and knew the country better.
2. To wait to learn how to access better birth control in this country (Pills, the IUD, etc)
3. Learn the abortion laws in this country, plan out what to do for an abortion to a reasonable extent, and how to fund it/what it will take.
I really need these things to feel safe and comfortable having sex. My boyfriend doesn't think I'm wrong, but he also thinks that I'm being excessively paranoid and need to learn how to manage risk after freaking out over the condom. I wanted to take an emergency pill to be on the safe side, but he explained why he thought it would be a waste of money and we decided I wouldn't take one.
He also said that he didn't think I would find those measures I listed enough and would only be satisfied when he got a vasectomy.
I have a history of birth control worries. I've lost sleep over it. Messing up in this respect seriously terrifies me because the worst possible result is an entirely new human being unwanted by its parents which I wouldn't wish on any kid. I've tired my boyfriend out worrying out loud about it, and I had actually asked him for a break from sex for the same reasons before coming here to Europe. This is NOT to say he pressured me into having sex after getting here, I really wanted it too.
He says that the level of comfort I need borders on paranoia, and it could ruin our relationship. He doesn't seem to be very invested in planning for and finding out the things I want when I try to get us both to sit down and discuss it.
I would be a lot happier using our hands and mouths until I feel in a safe enough spot for sex. Am I the asshole by spoiling our sex life and relationship by letting anxiety get the better of me and asking too much from him or are my demands reasonable?
|
HISTORICAL
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acmcun
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{
"description": "hanging out with a girl who \"stole\" from my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
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|
AITA for hanging out with a girl who “stole” from my best friend
|
TL;DR best friend gets mad at me every time she sees I’m at this girls house she doesn’t like. She claims the girl stole from her when really the girl just didn’t pay her back. Aita for not seeing it the way my best friend does?
Almost two years ago before my best friend (X) and I were even close, she was good friends with this other girl (Y). Back then, I wasn’t close with either one of them, just acquaintances.
This is from X’s POV: At that time Y was going through some hardships. [I believe] she got kicked out of her familys house and was living with her boyfriend, I don’t think she had a job. X & Y were hanging out and X offered Y $100 because she was behind on rent. (I can’t remember if Y asked for it or not). Y accepted it and said she would pay X back. Weeks pass and X is asking Y back for the money and Y is basically saying she doesn’t have it. Months pass, X starts getting aggressive and messaging Y’s family saying Y stole $100 from her. X starts telling everyone Y stole $100 from her. One day X runs into Y in public and starts going off about the $100. At this point X and I are very close, but she’s been getting upset with me because I’be been associating with Y lately.
I only associate with Y because one of my good friends is roommates with her. Whenever I go over to see my friend she’s always around. We all drink together but most of the time there’s several people in the room and I hardly talk to her. Twice I’ve tried to talk to Y about the incident and see if I can help X out. The first time I brought it up she told me her POV which was the only reason X gave her the money was for coke. I didn’t care for the reason, I still just asked her to pay it back. She said no. Another time X was pissed at me so I messaged Y again just asking if she can at least say sorry and show remorse. Y refused.
I’m kind of torn because
1) that’s not my definition of stealing. To me, stealing is taking without permission.
2) why would X give a person with no job $100?
3) back then, they were all indulged in coke and loose behavior, I personally don’t take promises from anyone like that.
4) I was taught to only make offers I can afford to lose because not everyone keeps their word of paying you back. If I have $20 i can only *afford* to give you $5, why would I give you my only $20?
Personally, I think X just needs to take this L and learn from it. It’s running on two years now. I understand it’s the principal but X has a lot of money already, she’s definitely not struggling. But then again neither is Y anymore. She still doesn’t live with her family but they’re on good terms. Y comes from an extremely wealthy family where $100 is a grain of sand to their wallet. AITA for not seeing it the way my best friend does?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "being upset that my BF is leaving me out from a trip to Amsterdam and Europe and wedding in Florida",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset that my BF is leaving me out from a trip to Amsterdam and Europe and wedding in Florida?
|
AITA or is he?
Context:
my bf's friend's mom is organizing a trip to Amsterdam for her sons friends because she lives there. She is paying for their flights and he is unsure of the boarding situation.
When he was invited last year we talked about me going with him and paying my own way, flight, lodging, and food.
This is because our jobs, we have very little PTO which vacation, sick, and personal are all in one, and a very strict attendance policy at our jobs we cant really do much with vacation time. It's really easy to get fired because of attendance.
Hence we wont be able to take a real vacation together because of these trips if he goes solo.
Yesterday he admitted that he never told them about me coming a long because he didnt want to have the awkward conversation of asking if I could come, and didnt tell me i shouldn't come because he didnt want to hurt my feelings.
This is AFTER i used up all of my PTO and scheduled it for these trips.
Some context:
He is also a groomsman in a wedding in FL that we planned on going to together. Last year he was also a groomsman for a wedding we planned on going to together but he never sent the plus 1 and by the time I grabbed it and mailed it in, it was too late and he told me he was going to stay with the guys (lengthy car ride so we were going to get a hotel together originally) so I stayed home alone, and btw it was our first anniversary, he left friday, our anniversary was Saturday (day of the wedding, which would have been ok if we were there together) sent me anniversary flowers and a bear-never did this before, and came back Sunday.
This upcoming wedding invitation did not have a plus 1 option so he was supposed to confirm with his friend that I can come.
Which he hasn't done. PTO already put in for this too.
For Amsterdam and Europe, for months I have been asking him to confirm dates, details, and to tell them I'm coming but paying for myself. We agreed that we were going together no matter what unless PTO got declined for me, or if I cant afford it. -which is not the case.
Last night he got communication from his friends mom that she is going to order his flight ticket and confirm with him that he is coming. he failed to tell her or his friend that I am coming.
Last night was when he finally admitted after I got upset that he hasn't told them I'm coming, that he felt bad and weird asking them if I can come when I wasnt invited
( I do not know them, he has never introduced me to his friends, we only hang out with his family, our mutual work friends, and my friends- which me hanging out with my friends without him makes him feel uncomfortable so if hes with his friends I'm alone at home )
i have one day a week when one girl-friend sleeps over on mondays because a group of friends/co workers come over for D&D and she lives too far to go home later.
Hes been trying to get me to not have her sleepover because "our bed" at my place is his bed too and he doesnt like her.
We have been together for over a year, work together, and he stays at my house fri-sunday nights every week. Our weekends are always spent together unless he hangs out with his friends (not often, they live pretty far) and we hangout at work mon-thursday.
I am not only upset, furious, and hurt, but this is something I have been considering breaking up over. We talked it over but reached no resolution as to if I'm going on either trip.
I'm so hurt that he would rather lead me on and hurt me later and completely putting something off because he doesnt want to have an "awkward conversation".
He did this last year too. He went to a bachelor party in Vegas for several days with a group of guys I dont know-which I was okay with, but because he was saving up for vegas, we didnt get to go an a big trip together for vacation and i settled for a weekend camping trip a couple hours away and another weekend trip to a beach in the winter a few hours away, both trips I had to pay for just to get him to come.
I am his first GF ever, hes never been in a serious relationship until me. Me:F(29) him: M(26.5)
Am I the asshole for feeling upset, hurt, and potentially leave him because of this if he really does go without me?
#TLDR: bf M(26.5) is going to Amsterdam and Europe- his trip being paid for by his friends mom, and Florida to be with friends. We planned for me(F 29) to go and pay for myself, but turns out he never told the people who invited him that I am going, I dont know them, and I was officially uninvited by him, because of never actually being invited by them to begin with. Am I the asshole for feeling hurt and potentially leaving him after months of talking about us going together?
|
HISTORICAL
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aqj315
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{
"description": "not letting friends of my friends stay at my moms' place",
"pronormative_score": 17,
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|
AITA for not letting friends of my friends stay at my moms' place?
|
Usual disclaimer, I'm on mobile so sorry about the formating and english not my first language.
For a little background, in my hometown, there is a fairly famous four day festival that I go to every year with the same friend group from this town. But I study in a different city and have some friends there as well.
One of those friends from uni, let's call him Jimmy, is going to this festival this year too. When he told me about it, I offered our guest bedroom because maybe he'd like to shower or something during the festival. I know him well and my mum would be fine with it.
Now at this point I thought that Jimmy would come along with us. Then he asked if he could bring another friend of ours and if that friend could sleep in out guest bedroom too. Since I know that friend well I said yes.
Now, this friend is not coming anymore because of work. And Jimmy has asked if he could bring two other people to stay at our place for the festival. I've met them a couple of times, but I don't particularly like them. I understand that Jimmy wants to have people at the festival that he knows and can hang out with other than my friends (that he doesn't know). But I feel uncomfortable with his friends staying in our guest bedroom. The room would fit them all. I don't think that they would behave badly and that it would be a big deal though.
I told Jimmy that I don't like the idea of having his friends stay at my mums place because I don't know them well. My mum is only okay with having people over that she doesn't know if I trust them to behave and if I know them, which is very generous in my opinion. I don't want to take advantage of this, therefore I'm not going to have them stay here.
Jimmy was not happy about it and thinks I have double standarts. He won't stay at my place if his friends can't come along and thinks that I'm ruining his festival. Now I don't think I'm being unreasonable but I'd still like to hear if I'm in the wrong here. Am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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an7b7b
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{
"description": "asking someone to respect me",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking someone to respect me?
|
New to reddit and on mobile, I apologize.
I had this friend in a grade lower than me. At first she was awesome and we understood each other and our problems. We were similar. Soon though, she started to morph into something I didn’t like. She would do the classic guilt trip whenever something didn’t go her way.
Ex: I can’t hang out with her because of a family meeting “Oh don’t be sorry. It’s not that I’m disappointed! I’m just glad that you told me.”
Things like that would bug me. She’s also in the LGBTQ+ community and is trans and pan. I’m so proud of her for being open and proud but it got to be too much too often. Every ten minutes, “hey guess what! I’m trans!” And a stupid little nod. Snapchat, constantly. She would always blow up my phone too.
We were hanging out with a mutual friend at the mall and were in the apple store. I hear her tell our friend “hey make an Animoji of GotSpawnKilled” I said NO and went back to drawing on the iPads. A couple of minutes later I hear her say, “look I made one of GotSpawnKilled” I was mad, I told her to delete it and she said she would.
A couple hours pass and I’m bored at home. I’m looking at Snapchat for minor entertainment and see she’s posted. “Huh, what could this be?” It’s none other that the Animoji she made of me. I’m pissed. I send a message saying, “you said you would delete it why is this on your story?” She gets all “sad” and regretful. I don’t remember much (bad memory even if this was a few days ago). Basically I get all mad that she completely disrespected me and did what I directly asked for her not to do.
I go back to my day. She then sends me a snap from her story “I think I just lost the trust of one of my friends and I’m so scared that I’m going to lose her. I can only be embarrassed around her now.” Now I’m totally pissed. “See what I posted on my story for you? 🖤
I start telling her that she needs to respect my boundaries and how I’ve been feeling for the past few weeks where she’s been so annoying and disrespecting me. (Taking FaceTime photos, sending me inappropriate pictures, calling my DOG homophobic, and then this)
She starts calling me two-faced and a bad person. I just tried to be honest when she wanted me to be honest with her. Now I’m the bad person?
Feel free to completely destroy me for this 😂😂
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a36ogm
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{
"description": "reporting a fast food employee who continiously tried to short me on change",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if i reported a fast food employee who continiously tried to short me on change
|
Once a week I like to go to sonic and get a burger i always get the same thing the total comes out to 8.06 and i always pay with a 20 and change. The last 4 weeks ive worked there ive been waited on by someone new and all four times shes tried to either not hand me the 10 or hand me the 1s and a single 5 dollar bill. I call her out everytime and she always says the same thing "sorry I'm new" which doesnt make sense because being new has nothing to do with basic math. I like to think this is a simple error but 4 times in a row every time i go seems intentional. Regardless of if shes doing it intentionally or if shes bad at math I feel like that many errors should get you fired. I'm considering calling in and telling her manager. The reason being ive seen other people complain on facebook about the same thing. Would i be in the wrong for doing this?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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dvjBTXlhIQ3jsR9VlDMQACeQt2qs4jZM
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b95jpl
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{
"description": "not wanting to visit my dad as long as he wants",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to visit my dad as long as he wants?
|
So my father lives across the US, and I have to visit every summer because of divorce policies or whatever the specifics are. I'm supposed to visit for ~3 weeks, because that gives time to visit him, do activites, and see extended family. Last year was my first summer visiting, and my brother came out with me, however it got all messed up.
Two days before my flight, my grandfather called my mother and let us know my dad was in jail for heroin usage after he was found passed out in the bathroom. And a lot of it; they even charged him with intent to distribute. What this meant is I spent three weeks with my brother in the state, and jumped around to different relatives because we had no stable transportation without complications.
The three weeks weren't too good; we did go to a pretty boardwalk, and stayed in an RV. We were with my grandfather, and my grandmother who isn't blood related, and she has an autistic son (~30ish M). This wouldn't have been an issue, however she never properly taught him manners, how to do self-care (showering), or anything of the sorts. For the manners problem: I wore skirts and shorts because it was summertime, and hot as hell. (I'm underage, if that helps clarify why I'm upset over this.) He peeked up my skirt as I was getting out of the car, and stared at me as I slept, and as I was getting ready for the day. He constantly stood close to me, and when I told my grandparents I was uncomfortable, they just laughed it off as 'me being rude.'
After a week and a half of hiding in the bathroom and eating far away from her son, we finally got the chance to stay in my dad's house with his girlfriend. However, she was drinking from 10 AM to 10 PM before crashing out, and getting upset if we didn't express joy about my dad. We also got tossed to two other family members during this time. There was arguments with my whole family, and I did not have a good time at all until the end. He got out of jail in time for us to see him for about two days, and we had a barbeque and everything. That was the only fully enjoyable time I had out there.
Which brings me to the point of this post. I was out there for three weeks, and didn't enjoy it. I only want to go for two weeks this summer, given the fact last year was straight up shit and my brother won't be flying out w me this year to make things tolerable. My father is saying 'either stay out here for the whole three weeks and enjoy it, or don't see me at all.' He has been in court ordered rehab programs and everything, but I don't want to even risk the fact he might relapse once he's off the hook with the courts. Every day he talks about how I'm ungrateful, his life is shit, and he wishes he had died. I also have things here at home I need to do that can't be pushed back. AITA for not wanting to go for three weeks in fear of being dumped on distant relatives again?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a6v5zf
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{
"description": "closing a window on the bus",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for closing a window on the bus?
|
So I always take the bus to college and usually there's the same exact people on the bus. It was back in November that this happened but I keep remembering about it.
That day was pretty chilly and I had a coat on, but still felt cold. I got on the bus and got out my laptop to do my usual studies on the one hour long trip. About 10 minutes in a middle aged woman with thick clothing comes on, sits in the back ( across and two seats behind me) and opens her window. Now I don't know if this is the case for all buses or just specific to this company's bus line, but the breeze was really hitting me hard. I was cold and with almost an hour until my destination (I REALLY did not want to get sick at this point in the semester), after a bit of contemplating I got up and asked her if it's okay to close the window since it's cold.
She at first didn't understand (or pretended not to understand) as she was an immigrant but after repeating the question she said "no no, it's hot". For some reason, either due to finals stress or just being cranky, I said "It's hot you take off scarf and coat, window close" and I just closed the window and went back to my seat. Again I'm not sure why but I just got extremely irritated at her. If you're hot take off your fucking clothes, don't open the window in the middle of november! She started trying to open the window but was struggling so I went back to my seat. After a bit she managed to open it but an older guy sitting in front of her (window extended 2 seats) closed it without saying a word. Either he was sympathetic to me or was also cold but just didn't say anything. The woman didn't open the window again.
I just keep oscillating between "c'mon man, she was an older woman, probably just wanted fresh air" and also "she had clothes on, she could've taken them off, and she was rude when I asked her to close it, couldn't been nice to me like I was to her when I asked to close it"
So reddit, was I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
b73gg3
|
{
"description": "not wanting to move closer to my fiance's parents after college",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to move closer to my fiance's parents after college
|
Backstory:Me and my Fiance have been dating since we first started college, we both came from 2 different sides of Ohio (state/province of USA) and met because she knew my roommate. We got engaged during the summer of 2k18.
I study accounting and business at OSU and I have a paid internship where I have been saving money and was going to be employed after the now accountant was planned to retire this year and my salary was going to start near 65,000. 2 weeks ago we found out she was pregnant after 9 months of trying. She just told me that she wants to move to a suburb of Cincinnati to live close to her parents to help take care of the baby while I want to stay near where we are and she can find a job nearby and together we could both work and she could start her career after the baby was old enough to go to daycare or have a babysitter. Also if we do move down to Cincinatti I would make about 20 grand a year less making her parents cost us about 20,000 just to have a free babysitter when they are only an hour and a half drive away so they could visit whenever and therefore making us centrally located for my Mom/step dad and my brother only living a 15 minute drive away if we ever needed anything
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
|
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RIGHT
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KKFctzTym2ml9WGIipsl5QnvUsu2FWFe
|
9ykcgo
|
{
"description": "always correcting people about my name, regardless of the person or the setting",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for always correcting people about my name, regardless of the person or the setting?
|
I have a fairly common, multisyllabic first name that has A LOT of nicknames that can be made from it, and it’s common that people with this name preferred to be called by one of those nicknames, but I am vehemently not one of those people.
I always introduce myself by the full length of this name. It’s important to me because my mom named me, and she fought for this name since it’s unusual to have it in my culture. She is no longer alive, so this is one of the ways I honor her memory. I’ve also always just liked it a lot; I feel like it suits me well.
Anyways, a lot of times it seems, people take the liberty of changing it or shortening it without asking me, and I hate it. I feel the same feeling as nails under my skin whenever I am called by one of those names. This happens in both personal and professional settings and I always try to (politely) correct the person by saying “Excuse me, my name is XYZ, not X.”
Sometimes when I do it, I realize that I am interrupting what they were going to tell me right after addressing me, but I feel like it was rude of them to change my name without asking in the first place. I feel the need to correct it immediately because I don’t want it to happen again. I see sometimes that people’s face drop and they look offended, and I feel bad about that. I can see them try to back track by saying: “Oh, my cousin is named XYZ but she likes to go by X” and I truly don’t know what else to say except “I am not your cousin” and that seems to alienate people further.
AITA for taking issue with this and going about it this way?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b8z68k
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{
"description": "taking my dad's \"side\" in the divorce even though he's the one that cheated on my mom",
"pronormative_score": 73,
"contranormative_score": 36
}
|
AITA for taking my dad's "side" in the divorce even though he's the one that cheated on my mom?
|
As per most reddit posts, this one has years of backstory but I'll do my damndest to keep under the character limit. My parents are both 35, I'm 18 (female, graduating with honors from HS in a little over a month). They obviously had me as teenagers, decided to stay together to very mixed results over the years. My dad decided he wasn't letting being a young parent ruin his aspirations so he struggled with full time work and getting all the way to his phd and his been a professor of anthropology for about 5 years now. My mom has been a very mixed bag and at times has been the most amazing mom on the planet, other times she gets morbidly obese, miserable, angry and hates the world (me included). She was especially nasty to my dad during these time periods.
Last year about this time, my dad met and started hooking up with a grad student about 10 years younger than he is. This coincided with my mom being admitted to a mental institution for severe depression among other things (the affair didn't cause this, my dad just "took advantage" of her being away). When my mom got out, her meds were ok and she went into a pretty long period where she seemed like she was going to be ok. My dad broke it off with the grad student and tried to stay committed to my mom (I wasn't aware of any of this while it was going on, my dad told me everything about right after the divorce was announced). I guess my mom snooped on his phone, found the girls Instagram page (doesn't help that she's an actual IG model as well as a super smart grad student) and shit absolutely hit the fan. Nasty, nasty divorce has ensued ever since.
I know my dad fucked up, my dad knows he fucked up and he has essentially offered everything possible to my mom to get her to just sign the papers. My mom is of course really messed up and she seems to want to just torture my dad. For example she begged him to come over and talk to her to try to "work it out" then she had the sheriffs deputies waiting for him because she claimed he threated to kill her. She videoed my dad in handcuffs (though he wasn't arrested) and sent it to my dad's department head. That was the worst but the list of minor ways she's harassed and tried to ruin my dad could go on for pages.
My dad has explicitly told me to be respectful to my mom and to try to go easy on her. My mom on the other hand has demanded that I take her side and has given me handwritten nasty letters I'm supposed to deliver to him, she'll tell me "tell your father that he ruined all three of our lives when you see him" and stuff like that.
With that, it's so easy to see why my dad cheated and why he's so eager to be done with her even if it costs him everything he's ever worked for. I can't help but take his side.
Am I the asshole for this?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
lu2rkN5CWFQqSmvEkSP7liGYgs09FVXQ
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av03ai
| null |
AITA Lady in the grocery store wanted my yogurt and I wouldn't share them
|
This isn't nearly as serious as a lot of the posts on here, but when chatting about it I have gotten some varied opinions. My husband agrees that I was in the right, but one friend in particular thinks I should have been more generous.
Yesterday, I was at the grocery store to pick up a couple things. One of the most important items I needed to pick up was a specific brand of yogurt, its low sugar and high protein and also tastes delicious. My two toddlers both love it, so between them and I we eat quite a bit of it (they're small yogurts so we eat around 3-4 a day).
I approach the yogurt aisle, talking to my kids in the shopping cart and paying no mind to any other customers. No one was near me, but there was a lady at the other end of the yogurt display putting yogurts into her own cart. I had grabbed all 6 of the yogurts of one specific flavor, (the one the kids like the most), and was ready to head to the checkout. As I grab the last one, she comes over and looks at the display then down at my cart. She then asks me to please give her half of those as she wanted some too and there were none left. I felt super uncomfortable, this was barely two days of yogurt and I would have taken more if they had more so I certainly didn't want to give any up. I politely (albeit begrudgingly) gave her one, leaving me with five. She was upset by this, as if I had no right to take every one of that flavor on the shelf (to be clear there are several other flavors of the same brand she could have purchased).
I don't think I'm the asshole because she wasn't even near me or looking at those yogurts; she was buying other yogurts when I grabbed them. My friend disagrees and says I should have split them with her and that its "only polite". So reddit, be honest, AITA?
TLDR: I took all the yogurts and wouldn't split them with another customer (though I did give her one of them out of my six).
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"description": "saying I could get a college apartment room with a friend and her friend, and then ditching",
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WIBTA for saying I could get a college apartment room with a friend and her friend, and then ditching?
|
So basically my friend and her friend who I don't really know want to get an apartment for a year for college. They asked me to join (I guess to keep the rent lower, I'm not really sure) and I agreed. They have been meeting and talking about the apartment a few times but I've never been asked to join. To be fair though, I've never asked to come along. They have decided to wait until July to start trying to get an apartment somewhere because they don't want to pay a lot over the summer. But these aren't the reasons I would be ditching, just some back story.
The main reason I would be ditching them is because I'm incredibly unhappy being in college and I want to leave. I have absolutely no careers I am passionate about right now, that I can find at least. The classes are miserable and I feel like I'm just wasting my time and money pursuing nothing I guess? I want to drop out and try to travel a bit maybe or try to get more hours at my job and save up some money, maybe take some non-school classes like sign up for an independent art class or look into trade jobs or anything that could spark some interest.
I should never have agreed to an apartment with them, but it is kind of just all hitting me at once how much I dislike being here.
I talked to a different friend about this and they said telling them that I didn't want to get an apartment about 4-5 months ahead of time didn't seem like enough time for them to find someone else, since they have been adamant about not wanting to rent with a stranger as a roommate.
I guess I just feel really guilty about wanting to leave, but I do want to leave. I'm so unhappy here. I haven't ever talked to either of the two people I would be renting with, about how unhappy I have been either, so it will probably come as a big surprise to them.
I also don't have any way to contact the third girl that was gonna be in the apartment with her. I've talked to her like two or three times and she's really more of my friends friend, so when I tell them, if I end up leaving, i would probably end up telling my friend and letting her relay the message to the other girl. I know my friend will be really angry at me for it, because (saying this in the nicest way possible) she is slightly self centered and when things don't go her way she flips. I am a bit worried about losing her friendship over this.
I know this sounds probably like a huge mess but I feel lost on what to do at this point. Should I just stay and stick it out and then think about leaving next year? Or should I try to set up a time to talk to them? I don't know. Please help.
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HYPOTHETICAL
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"description": "feeling irritated when my girlfriend got upset for no reason",
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AITA for feeling irritated when my girlfriend got upset for no reason?
|
It's been a long week. Monday and Wednesday I had two interviews, each 5 hours long. I still found time to spend the night at my girlfriend's place on Sunday night, and Valentine's night. Got home this morning, spent the day in university and decided to play some Apex Legends to unwind after a long week. I had a beer and chilled.
My girlfriend asked for our nightly call so we started to chat and everything was amiable. Suddenly she starts crying her eyes out for absolutely no reason and saying she feels unsafe like there is someone in her room even though she knows there isn't. She asked me to come over and I told her that I would, once I feel safe to drive after my beer. She continues to cry and thanks me, I pack everything up (as after this I'm heading to my home town for a week off uni I have) and prepare my car.
I'm currently sitting on my couch waiting until I feel completely sober. It's 10pm at night. I've not voiced my annoyance to my girlfriend, I've remained supporting and I've told her it's all ok and that she is safe, because I'm with her on the phone and will be with her in person soon.
But I still feel bad for feeling annoyed that after this long week I can't have the night to enjoy myself. I feel like a typical arsehole. I won't tell her and I won't upset her by saying I'm irritated, but I feel bad for having my emotions run wild like this.
AITA?
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amqi9j
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WIBTA if I broke things off with a girl, causing bad stuff for her?
|
Real quick, we're both sophomores in college, same college, and been involved for a few months.
TL;DR girl I'm involved with is kinda narrow-minded, depressing (possibly depressed but idk), and has a very defeatist attitude. She may or may not depend on me for happiness, if I break it off and she spirals, WIBTA?
Now, I'm young, so idk yet if there's a difference or not, but I can't tell if she's in love with me or depends on me for happiness. It feels like the latter since she routinely goes on about how she hates every part of her day or week except for when she sees me.
I'd like to break it off for that reason, as well as stuff like she can be really narrow-minded, has really low confidence/keeps hating on herself, can be somewhat depressing at times - she says stuff a lot like "there's no reason to hope for something since you're setting yourself up for disappointment anyways, so why bother", says that seriously as if it makes total sense. Another one is "my mother won't change her mind so why bother arguing". The stuff she's giving up on are really important topics to argue about as well, and idk but it kind of gives me this defeatist attitude. She also is absolutely unable to have serious conversations. If I try to talk to her about this stuff she just keeps cutting me off/changes the subject/asks me to please stop/straight up walks away, cause it's "easier not to think about it".
She says a lot about how her ideal day would be rain, staying inside, and netflix, which sounds nice once in a while but I don't think I'd like it that often.
Long story short, I'm kind of more on the optimistic side and just the whole mix of defeatist -depressing-narrow-mindedness isn't working out for me.
The thing is, I'm nowhere near a medical professional, but she seems like she's depressed or definitely has anxiety (doesn't like talking about that either). On top of that, she's super stressed about her classes this semester since she failed one of them in the fall and is retaking now. Her older sister is getting married soon we think, and she always compares herself to her sisters (complains about her family in general), and since I'm worried she depends on me for happiness, I'll break it off and she suddenly hates every part of her life, fails her classes again, basically goes downhill.
I know about the whole "it's their problem, not yours" but I mean... These are a lot of things that can go wrong. So WIBTA if I break it off and she spirals?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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b2slf2
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{
"description": "matching with someone on a dating site just to talk to them",
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|
WIBTA if I matched with someone on a dating site just to talk to them?
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Mostly self explanatory, someone matched with me and they seem like they would be fun to talk to but I don't think they would be someone I'd be interested in dating. WIBTA if I matched with them just to talk with no intention of ever going on a date? If so I just won't match with them, if not I like talking to random people I just don't want to lead anybody on.
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HYPOTHETICAL
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{
"description": "slapping my grandpa",
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AITA for slapping my grandpa?
|
Some backstory: I was out all day after gift-opening and wasn’t able to get a bite to eat at all, not even breakfast because there’s no food in our house(all the groceries were bought today for the dinner). I got to dinner absolutely voracious and really wanting to eat something.
It got to the point where I had to ask my mom if I could have some chips before dinner and asked if I could eat them in private so I wouldn’t be judged. She said I could have hem but I had to spend time with the family since they were in town for a limited time.
When I got out there, everyone stared at me for a second and asked what I was doing. I explained and they all gave me a weird look before continuing conversation. I sat down and started eating, but I was super loud(fuck you crispy chips) and everyone kept giving me dirty looks.
Once dinner started, I had my first serving with everyone else, and then went to get my second serving. Only a few people went to get a second serving, but everyone was confused that I was considering how little I usually eat(in front of people, I have a bad habit of eating in bed and munching). Once I got up for a third serving, my mom said, “Honey, don’t you think that’s enough?” And I replied saying I’m really hungry. While I was in the kitchen, I heard my grandpa(who’s a hardass) say, “If he keeps doing this, he’ll turn into a fatass like you(he’s my moms FIL).” My mom said nothing him and then he said, “What? He’s already a little chubby!! If you let him keep eating like this, he’ll soon be obese.” I ran back into the living room and said some choice words to him. He got up and got in my face, but I quickly slapped him. He stumbled back and everyone was silent for a few seconds. Then, he lunged at me, but thankfully my dad stopped him. I ran upstairs and stayed there until everyone left the next morning.
AITA for slapping my grandpa?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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a4fx5e
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{
"description": "wanting to leave a couple hours earlier from a Christmas party, to meet up with a girl I haven't seen for a long time",
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|
AITA for wanting to leave a couple hours earlier from a Christmas party, to meet up with a girl i haven't seen for a long time?
|
First of all, pardon any typos or weird phrases, as english is not my first language.
A couple months ago my parents "asked" me if i would like to come to this semi-annual Christmas party that we use to go to. The party is hosted by some friends of the family, and they tend to bring their children which are between 15-19 years old. The reason for "asked" being in quotes, is because they ask in a way which is like "it would be nice if you could come, because the host specifically chose this Sunday to make sure it fit most of the teens' weekend plans", which makes it feel more like an obligation than a choice. For the record, i am 18, and i have always been "forced" this way to join family-events even though i dont actually want to. I have had my quarrels with my family about stuff like this before, mostly my father which has a history of using manipulative methods of getting us, my sisters and I, to attend certain family events. They always mention in MONTHS in beforehand, and when the date finally arrives and i've made other plans, they get angry at me for not choosing family before my own life.
The problem arises when i got a message from a girl i haven't seen in a long time (she's been out of town), and she asked if i'd like to hang out this Sunday evening. We have a little thing going but nothing serious. I approached my parents and asked how long the party, which is tomorrow, would last. They said that we would probably leave around 22-23 (10-11 pm), which means the party would last 5-6 hours. I had definitely not anticipated it lasting that long, and said that i could not stay there that long because i had other plans the same evening.
They then said we talked about this several weeks, even months ago, and that i should cancel my other plans. I told them there have been no written messages regarding this party, and that i actually never agreed to joining the party, i only said that it would most likely be okay, since who even plans their weekends months beforehand at my age. They said that this is 1/365 days, and that i don't spend much time with them anymore. (I get that, but i am in the process of growing up, and would like to have my family by my side, not dragging me by my feet).
I told them i did not want to spend my whole Sunday afternoon and evening, which is one of a few days without school, work, tests and exams, playing quiz and drinking eggnog. And said i would be able to stay there for three hours at most. Then they said that would barely get us through the meal, and i would miss the "annual Christmas quiz". They even mentioned that because i live in their house i should come to the party... (BTW, in Norway, parents are legally obligated to give their children housing and other means of living until they are done with High School (when they are approximately 19)).
A couple more things to consider: 1: There have been a lot of instances at these parties, where the children my age prioritizes other things, making me be one of few people there my age. 2: I don't have a lot of free time, especially at this time of year when all the exams stack up and i'm overloaded with work. This leads to a lot of stress in my daily life, but i manage it. What i'm saying is that i'd MUCH rather like to unwind and chill in a sofa, watching some series with a girl in my arms, than to discuss what i'm gonna do with my life with my parents friends. I'm not saying i don't enjoy social gatherings, i actually love talking with people and socializing, but these parties are beginning to get more and more repetetive and dull as i'm growing older. I get the ordeal with my parents wanting to meet their friends and families, i would myself, but only if they actually were my friends as well. 3: The hosts are my step-mothers friends, which she introduced to our family, basically i have no emotional connections to them at all.
I ended the conversation by saying that i would stay there through the dinner, so that the people making the food wouldn't waste the goods, and my father told me "i should stay there as long as i dont get embarrassed leaving early". Another of my fathers classic psychological methods of making people do what he wants :)
TLDR; My parents asked me a couple months ago to join a Christmas party that is tomorrow. Back then i sad "probably", now new plans have come up, i try to negotiate a solution that would make both parties happy, by being there for 2-3 hours, then being able to hang with a friend of mine as well, my parents try to make me feel like shit for not wanting to stay at the party for five hours, and they are probably still pissed.
AITA?
If you have any questions about details, previous occasions, my parents, or anything really, feel free to comment below. Ill be online for a couple hours :) Thanks!
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "asking a rise in my first day of work",
"pronormative_score": 1,
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|
AITA for asking a rise in my first day of work
|
It was 1 year ago.
So I live in Israel. before I deployed, I finish High School (12th grade) and I had about half a year to work. At that time I finished all my finals two months ago. I asked around stores if they needed a graphic designer because I'm skilled at that.
One store said yes and I went there. The wage is minimum.
The store is doing different kinds of graphic designs.
The boss said in the phone (I haven't him yet) to start the day and will come shortly after.
I befriended a girl in there that was after service (basicly in Israel they are more wanted because they aren't time limited)
And she said gets paid 31 Shekles per hour and the minimum is 27.
The boss come by, and we talk.
I told him sinse I have a lot of time until I deploy, I want to get as much as the other employees and settle things before we get started.
He got mad, and told me to get lost and and he walked away. Told me he can sense who is capable for the job and who don't.
i was shocked, I was thrilled to get my first job and like that it was gone.
I went to my bike, discoverd the wheel was puncture and had to walk 4 km with my bike. (Don't know, but probably not related to the boss)
My mother said I should have waited with that and I was ignorant.
Week later I contacted their competitors that are closer to my home and asked for work. I asked about the money, they said minimum. We got to agreement that sinse the second month I will get more. Discovered they were my neighbors and I fully operated their store alone until I went to the army. Until today we are good friends and want me to come by whenever I can.
AITA for asking a rise in first day of work?
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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odLu3xaadL07OaqD7oYdOTPdM70g6ixP
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atl805
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{
"description": "possibly overreacting and reporting this to the police",
"pronormative_score": 13,
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|
AITA for possibly overreacting and reporting this to the police?
|
So this happened a couple of hours ago and I feel like I might have overreacted in the heat of the moment.
I was home alone working on my computer and I thought I heard a knock so I listened more carefully. I heard another knock so I got up and as I was approaching the door I could see through the glass panel someone was jiggling the door handle. They stopped as they must have saw my figure through the door.
I put the chain on the door (so it only opened so far) and saw two women standing there. I said to the one who tried opening the door why are you trying to open the door? And they said they were looking for an African woman who they thought lived next door. I said no because there was no one of that description living next door and then they left.
I thought it didn't add up because I wouldn't try opening the door of someone's house unless I was certain they lived there and they were expecting me. I reported it to the non emergency police line but I'm not sure if I've gotten people in trouble when they might have just made a mistake.
AITA for possibly overreacting?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b32j20
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{
"description": "sleeping with my ex behind my FWB's back",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for sleeping with my ex behind my FWB's back?
|
This is going to be long and quite compicated, so please bear with me!
My best friend (we'll call him Rick) is also my fuck buddy, or was. We've been sleeping together for a few months and everything has been fine, up until today when he set some new boundaries between us that basically outlawed all forms of affection, from sex to cuddling to kissing to saying "I love you", basically reverting our friendship to strictly platonic.
Listen, this is totally fine by me. I am capable of accepting boundaries as I want to preserve our friendship. This just came as a blow to me because it was so out of the blue, and the way he delivered it was extremely hurtful. Rick knows I am quite sensitive and he was really rude when explaining why he didn't want to be with me the same way anymore (particularly because I am a naturally affectionate person, the type to say "I love you" to all my friends). He eventually left me sitting on my own and I was bummed out for the rest of the day.
Suddenly out of the blue I got a call from my ex (we'll call him Jay). We ended things in November on good terms, and although we rarely get to see each other and aren't as close (conflicting schedules), we're still good friends and care a lot about each other. Anyway, Jay called and asked if I wanted to hang out, and I said yes.
So after I got home from work Jay came by, and one thing led to another and we had sex. I honestly didn't intend for that to happen, but I was feeling shitty about what happened with Rick and I wanted a distraction. Being with Jay felt like an incredibly natural and comforting release of all that stress and neither of us regretted it in the slightest.
The thing is, I don't know if I should tell Rick what happened. Though we're best friends, our relationship as FWBs was quite casual. He constantly reminded me that I could be with other guys if I chose and that he didn't want to be exclusive in the slightest. Later, however, he backpedaled and admitted that he was very insecure with me seeing other guys, but still gave me permission to do as I pleased. I however made it clear I was perfectly happy only sleeping with him, partly to ease his insecurities.
I intend on talking to Rick tomorrow to smooth things over since we were both quite emotional today, but I don't know if I should tell him I slept with Jay. I am extremely conflicted especially since Rick has cut all sexual aspects out of our relationship, but I know this would still hurt him, especially since it was literal hours after we spoke. I basically feel like I've cheated on someone I just broke up with, which makes no sense. Am I obligated to come clean? AITA if I don't?
TLDR; Hours after my best friend/fuck buddy called it quits on the sexual aspect of our relationship, I slept with my ex. Should I tell my former fuck buddy even thought it might hurt him?
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HISTORICAL
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autpk1
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{
"description": "not wanting to sell my brother weed",
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|
AITA for not wanting to sell my brother weed?
|
Ok obviously needs some explaining: I enjoy smoking marijuana (don’t worry its legal recreationally in my state). It helps with my anxiety, calms me down, and tbh I just like the feeling most times. I’m not exactly rolling in cash, so I just pick up from local people, never more than a half just get by for a few weeks.
My younger brother also enjoys smoking, mostly for the same reasons but I also think he thinks it makes him cool. Without giving extensive background info on him I’ll set the stage: he barely works, and when he does it’s all at once or not at all. He lives at home with my mom still and doesn’t pay any rent or bills. He’s supposed to be paying for his car but really never does because he doesn’t have the money. When he does get money he blows it all on weed and food and doesn’t pay the one thing he’s asked to pay. Then when he runs out, he texts me in desperation asking if I can “just sell him a gram” for the night (I can count on one hand how many times he has paid me back when he said he would). I’ve told him before it’s annoying and asked him not to because a. I’m not a drug dealer b. I’m usually down to little more than that when he asks and c. I try to make it last as long as possible bc poor and that gram would last almost a week for me but a day for him.
He makes me seem like a shitty person and maybe I am but I guess that’s why I’m here.
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HISTORICAL
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9xy8lj
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"description": "not showing up",
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|
AITA for not showing up?
|
I’m still in high school, and our school require us to do community service to graduate. There was this opportunity to go and make beds for animals and get service hours for it. To me it sounded like a perfect opportunity to get credit while helping out animals (which I do love). So I sign the forum to go, and when we were sent a confirmation email on Thursday (opportunity was on Saturday) I said I could go again. But on Friday something personal came up and I couldn’t go anymore, so I sent an email to the person who sent the confirmation email who was also the head of the service committee telling her I couldn’t go. She sent me one back saying it’s all good.
Saturday rolls around and I get a call from a friend of mine who also signed up 10 minutes before the time the event was scheduled. She was apart of the service representatives for our grade and wanted to know where I was. I told her something came up and I couldn’t make it. She responded with “And you didn’t think would be good to tell anyone?”. It was easy to tell she was annoued with me. I responded with “I told ______” (the name of the head of the service committee). She only responded with “Ok, bye bye.” In the most passive aggressive tone I think I’ve ever heard. Am I the asshole?
Note: Because the reason I couldn’t come was personal, I never told either the my friend or the head of the service committee my what happened, just that something came up.
|
HISTORICAL
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ay15hx
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{
"description": "moving out without saying anything",
"pronormative_score": 12,
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|
AITA For moving out without saying anything
|
I’m 23 and still live with my parents. My parents yell at each other and fight all the time and since my car accident I’ve had to rely on my dad for rides again, and they’re sapping all of my money. So last night I decided that I’m moving out, staying with my boyfriend for a couple of weeks until I find an apartment. I’m not telling my sisters or my parents that I’m leaving. I hate it but I will never be able to move out if they keep taking all my money for their bills. Am I the asshole because I’m leaving them in the dark?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
FMyjRqVSbDcUFYSKss7xdoPvd9ixXdC7
|
b24oru
|
{
"description": "asking my friend for a controller for free",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my friend for a controller for free?
|
Now I know this will be severely lighthearted in comparison to most of the posts here, but I need to make sure as I don't want to come off as an r/choosingbeggars \-worthy candidate.
My friend and I are both sophomores in high school, and as his family was struggling with finances last year, I bought his lunch for a while, and he promised that when he gets a job he'd pay me back. Fast-forward to now, he is trying to sell some old stuff and one of them is a used Xbox 360 controller. I want to ask if I can just have the controller and then he wouldn't have to pay me back for the lunches, and although I'm almost positive that it would be fine, I need to make sure that I'm not missing anything that would make me come off as an asshole.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
I0N4SVOT8KFPeUdUxQIRr9xgBNT1INjF
|
azpnva
|
{
"description": "not wanting my obese friend to ride in my car",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my obese friend to ride in my car?
|
My friend, whom I've known for many years, has progressively gotten larger over the past few years. I have made a comment previously about his weight gain due to general worry, but I would say that it's been over a year since I've said anything else to him about it. My friend is around 6 foot 5 inches, and he's probably close to 500 pounds at this point. My partner and I live in a smaller town near the large city that he lives in. My friend doesn't know how to drive, doesn't own a car, and would rather take public transportation, which is reasonable as he lives in a great city for that. The issue lies with him riding in either of our vehicles. This wasn't always an issue, but as his weight increases, the more we are both noticing the sounds that the seat makes as he's shoving himself in the car, as well as the general lowering of the passenger side when he's inside either of our cars. It's much easier for him and us if we drive when we want to hangout as public transportation is quite slow and limiting, but we're getting to the point where we are not only worried about his health, but also worried about our vehicles.
Neither my partner nor I are sure of how to address this with him, and we've even gotten to the point where we've considered renting a large SUV that can handle a person of his size, and although this wouldn't be practical, it may send a message. If we all of the sudden stop giving him rides or picking him up he'll obviously know something is wrong, but again, we would have no idea how to address this without sounding like horrible people and losing our dear friend. After the last time that we hung out my partner has now established that she would rather not have him ride in her vehicle, and I am getting to that point as well. Are we the assholes for feeling this way?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Y4cv9Mo5rJiUG6IUke8DNHn67jIIlCWG
|
a7cmsl
|
{
"description": "refusing to make my uncle anf uncle's girlfriend scarves",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
Wibta if i refuse to make my uncle anf uncle's girlfriend scarves?
|
I was reading the sub and saw someone ask something milsly similar and realized i should post this here.
Backstory: My aunt and uncle have three kids and were together for 30 years until my uncle cheated on my aunt with an old girlfriend. This is a girlfriend my grandparents (his parents) hate because when they origionally met her they were told by her dad that she was being raised to he am escort (i dont know how true this is but it did come from my grandparents straight and isnt just a family rumor). His girlfriend has always been somewhat nice to me but i only see her christmas eve and only know her through other people. Ive never really liked her because of her breaking up my aunt and uncle and being willing to cheat with a married man (not happy with my uncle about it either)
Now to the question at hand. Recently my cousin had a falling out with his dad's girlfriend over a rent issue and my other cousin had an issue where the girlfriend was extremely rude to her about my cousin's new apartment. Both times my uncle did nothing to defend his own kids.
The two cousins and my aunts all said they werent coming to our christmas eve meetup bit when they found out my uncle wasnt coming they all agreed to come. Im making everyone crochet scarves as gifts in conjunction with some giftcards my parents got them. Wibta if i didnt include scarves for them as 1) theyre being jerks to my family, 2) they arent coming and 3) i have no way of getting anything to them. They would still be getting gift cards
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
RqqIuJY7cEmZvoQwwxMVuQQsA5HPlruY
|
a5k7qu
|
{
"description": "telling my wife not to ask for my help if she won't listen",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my wife not to ask for my help if she won't listen.
|
To put a long story short, I moved to my wife's country a year ago. She works here and there but is in university. I work full time (from home, for reasons I won't get into but I'm fortunate to be able to support her in various aspects due to this). My wife also suffers from an often-debilitating mental illness, and recently lost her benefits for reasons we can't seem to get someone to explain. The long and short of it though is she has to repay her benefits for the last six months because she wasn't technically entitled to them (as per the result of her latest assessment, though this is still being contested and won't likely change because of how awful the UK's mental health services are), and unfortunately, the repayment of this (a not-insignificant amount) primarily falls to me.
Someone from the people handling her claim called yesterday, and left a vague message saying they'd call back. From experience, they never do, so like the last two times this happened, I asked her to call them, get through the identification steps, and pass the phone to me to talk on her behalf.
First, she wasn't sure what number to call, so I Googled it. She said no, that's not it, but I recalled it being the same one we called last time, so she called another one instead. Finally, we called the one I suggested. She only got as far as a robot asking what the call was about, which I told her to say "repayment", and she froze, so I told her to hang up. I got a little frustrated, and told her (not yelling, but my voice was raised a tad) that she has to work with me to get this sorted and can't expect them to get back to her. I prompted her to call again, which she declined. I told her again she needed to call today, since we still are a) waiting on a reassessment and b) need to figure out if the first payment is next week or next month. She said she would just wait instead, which - to be blunt - made me angry (which isn't the hardest thing to do, but I've been in anger management for some time now, so I tried my best to keep cool).
I pounded the desk and let out a sigh, and just reiterated that it was frustrating that she keeps dragging her feet on this. She says there's nothing to be angry about because she's just arranging to pay back 10/month anyway (which they said is fine but were reluctant in accepting, and pushed for it to be paid back quicker).
We haven't done much Christmas shopping, and we had to cancel a trip to see my folks back home (which I know many people will say "oh big deal" but I haven't seen them in a while and I was really looking forward to it). I make okay money but having this large sum of money that needs to be paid back basically in limbo is becoming a pretty sizeable burden. I reminded her that I told her what to say on the phone already, but she insisted I didn't, and when I said I did, she told me it wouldn't work.
While I was venting to her (in what I considered a constructive manner, if not a little loud), she shouts at me saying "well what the fuck am I supposed to do because no one said what they wanted in the fucking message so what am I supposed to say". I told her to get her tea and get the hell out of my office, and shut the door behind her.
I'd love to take this off her plate and handle it myself, but they won't let me because the claim existed before we lived together (one of many reasons, really). So this is the only way to get information out of them. I'm doing my best to be supportive (I think I'm doing well thus far), and getting her through this. I've undertaken some of her bills in the interim (she has some savings which she's using to pay others). I know I shouldn't have lost my temper since I'm still working on determining what is and isn't justified anger with my therapist so sometimes it's tough, and I'm still not quite sure if this was worth yelling about.
She's in our room now, I'm still working, and we haven't talked since. Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
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|
RIGHT
|
HTyVRz9ZTVL8qBPF0EQ23WGVqn5WD29L
|
anbfqm
| null |
AITA lost a good friend to personal issues [Long Post]
|
Statutory warning: Long post
Background:
- Been friends with this guy since my college days.
- I graduated in 2016 while he had to finish his course in 2017 fall.
- Been in touch with him all the time and considered him as my best friend.
Current Situation:
- He is looking for a job and he needed to get out of his parents' house to ramp up his job search.
- I live with my girlfriend.
- I offered him a room in my place to help him with his job search. All existential expenses taken care of.
- Welcomed him into the house almost a month ago.
- Something happened, he moved out and now we're not on talking terms.
Problems during his 1.5 month long stay with us:
- He kept disrespecting me very frequently and unnecessarily which I did not like. Getting disrespected in front of my partner is not what I need in my own house. But I didn't say anything trying to be as courteous as possible.
- He kept complaining about the food even when we tried our best to provide him decent food.
- On giving him any advice regarding jobs, he would just disregard my suggestions in a very distasteful manner. It had been more than a month and he hadn't even applied for a single job. This has frustrated me and my girlfriend.
- He took too much liberty and talked about literally anything. Even started discussing blowjobs in front of my girlfriend. Initially I was assuming that this is just one minor blip. Turns out that my girlfriend didn't like him speaking things like this.
- We sense him to be a misogynist. Knowing my girlfriend's discomfort, I made my mind to confront him. We all were watching TV and he made a remark that a character was a slut. I let this go and then he reiterated that the character was a true slut, putting too much emphasis on the word "Slut". At that moment I knew I had to confront him then and there. So I said very gently but firmly, "Dude Watch your mouth". He stormed out of the house because apparently I told him off.
The next day I tried to make peace with him and gave my reason for my behaviour and even explained him that he was taking too much liberty at speech. He was probably still upset even the next day so I took a walk with him to ease things. There he told me that he was actively looking for a new place to stay. But we had a decent chat. But just after coming home, he was actively avoiding my girlfriend and did not take dinner with us. This gesture seemed unnecessary and agitated my again as he was creating a situation for me to pick between him and my girlfriend. And secondly, this was simply him picking fight with my girlfriend. Again, we had not been on talking-terms as his behaviour is frustrated us too much.
- A couple of weeks later, he moved out and went to stay at a mutual friend's apartment for a week or so. We met on New year's Eve where our mutual friend tried to make amends between the two of us. That time I told him that he needn't have been so cold after The Event and it could have been really amicable for him to just let it go. Then he said said something which was telling me to fuck off in all essence.
Now that we've had this discussion in presence of multiple friends, he has stopped talking to anyone. He won't even invite our mutual friends to his new place and is avoiding everyone. The way I know him, he's depressed, not necessarily because of this incident but mainly because he hasn't found a job even now. Our fallout is certainly played a part, but yeah that's how it is.
I am hurt by his ungrateful attitude. He had been disrespecting me, judging my girlfriend, complaining all the time, to which were displayed much patience. One minor incidence, where I asked him to behave, has changed so much.
Usually, I was the one who would make at least a monthly call to ask about the happenings about his life. But after that day, I don't feel motivated to call him. I'm not expecting an apology, but I think the both of us could have handled it differently. The acknowledgement of such kind would be enough to make amends.
On one hand I'm still hurt by his attitude and a part of me wishes to never come across him ever again. But you know how life is, and plus a friend of ours is getting married so we're bound to meet each other. This would certainly make even others a bit uncomfortable. Not talking to him will kinda sooth my ego. On the other hand, considering that he's probably depressed I think I should keep my ego aside and call him, since he's alienated himself from the whole social scene.
Am I the asshole if I don't make another effort to make things right?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
2ULobJ2R15K7sh6MRufecJHOESGpC3Lj
|
b2ysyu
|
{
"description": "inquiring about our towel",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For Inquiring About Our Towel?
|
About a year ago when my BF and I moved in together, I brought an old beach towel from my family’s house to our new apartment. Fast forward to this weekend where we used it at the pool and I noticed there was a hole in it (big enough to fit a fist through). I was kind of curious about it since I don’t know how it could have even ripped.
The next day when I was washing it, I was curious and asked my BF if the hole was there when I brought it to our place (I specifically worded my question in this way to avoid potentially blaming him). He said yes, I acknowledged. 10 minutes later he asked me if I was asking because I thought he ripped the towel. I replied honestly and said “No, I was just wondering”. Honestly, I could care less about the towel (or any towel for that matter) since we just use it to dry off after the pool. However, he goes on to argue with me that “If you don’t care about the hole, why would you even say anything?”. While I do somewhat agree and understand his point, I realized by his tone that he was being defensive and thought that I was trying to blame him. I answer back slightly annoyed “Look, I don’t care about the towel, I was just asking an innocent, dumb question. I'm not blaming you, I'm not trying to be passive aggressive I was just asking and now I regret it”.
But the thing is, I don’t regret asking, sometimes a dumb question is just a dumb question and nothing more. I was honestly just curious. However, he feels that I shouldn’t have even asked at all since I didn't really care in the first place and my question suggests that he caused the damage. Fwiw, even if he did rip it and didn’t tell me, I wouldn’t care, like I said, it’s just a beach towel. Who is the asshole in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
vbJm5e9lGImZJCDRw8WYXX3nz8D6wBF1
|
a38r34
|
{
"description": "expecting stay at home dad to do housework",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for expecting stay at home dad to do housework?
|
I work full time in a demanding job that requires me to be to work 50-60 hours per week, 10-20 of which can be from home. Husband and I have 3 year old son not in daycare (can't afford it, hence husband is stay at home dad). I do all housework (cooking, laundry, cleaning, etc.) Husband does some yardwork once a month or so (drought-tolerant landscaping) and puts trash on curb weekly.
Got a promotion recently so work is more stressful, and it's starting to really wear on me that I never get a chance to chill. I wake up at 7 with kid, make breakfast for son and get ready, and get out of the house at 8:30, home at 6 (1hour commute round trip). Once I'm home for the day husband retreats to read/chill/play music/video games; I don't see him until kid's bedtime. I then scramble to make dinner, bathtime, clean house a bit (all while trying to keep kid goes to bed at 9:30-10 (he takes long nap during the day so goes to bed late), I work on my laptop 3-4 hours, then do an hour or so of housework, go to bed at 2AM, wake up at 7. On weekends when kid is napping, I grocery shop, balance checkbook/pay bills, do laundry, more cleaning, etc. (when kid is not napping I am playing with kid, husband does no childcare on weekends - and I'm somewhat OK with that and expect that's pretty typical of SAHPs).
I'm a data scientist so have been tracking our time use informally. Husband gets approximately 52 hours of leisure time (time to do whatever he wants) a week (32 hours of this is on weekends). I get maybe 3.5 (approx 30 minutes per day).
Life is devoid of joy. I am so tired. I know my kid won't be so much work as he gets older, but right now, it's freaking rough. I want husband to take over making dinner at night, laundry, and dishes. Husband says he hates doing those things, but every time I have brought this up he grudgingly does a load of laundry and that's the end of it. I feel like I'm constantly nagging and being an asshole telling him I'm tired and need help. AITA or is he?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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