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vYfMMqy1NntGhXgERFwVCPOXYaIl9m6p
|
b88n9l
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{
"description": "getting into arguments with my housemates controlling gf",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for getting into arguments with my housemates controlling gf?
|
So a bit of background, im living in a house with 3 other boys and I've been friends with them since the first year of university and this is the first time we've shared a house together. It's amazing, we all get on, do the same substances and we never have arguments and im planning to live with one next year when we do a master's.
He (Steve) met his gf (Jess) last year when we were all on placement year and have been going out ever since, when he told me about her and I was excited to meet her as this was his second serious relationship and I wanted to meet her. My first impression of her was that she was polite and quiet (due to nerves I assume)
Then she came around a week later (she comes over every weekend without fail and has booked train tickers for the foreseeable future) this was when things started to go wrong. A friend of ours who lives in another house invited us over for a smoke sesh (weed) and we brought her along (we made sure she was comfortable with us smoking and told her she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to) she sat down with headphones on, didn't speak to anyone or pay attention to us, "fair enough" I thought "must be nerves". Boy was I wrong
45 minutes in she stands up and began screaming at Steve saying "I can't believe you aren't talking to me, this is so rude and inconsiderate" and goes off on one, then storms off slamming doors and yelling in the hallway and causes a huge scene, this went on for about an hour. Everyone was shocked and didn't know what to think/do so we ignored her. They leave together and she ignores him the whole walk home. When I asked him what happened, he told me Jess claimed it was a "panic attack". (I understand mental health is complicated but this didn't seem like a panic attack) She also makes him call her every hour or so and send photos of who's he's with and where he is when he leaves the house, constantly accusing him of cheating and not caring about her
This has happened every weekend she's been coming over and has been constantly arguing with him, telling him that he's stupid, causing drama on nights out and has just been rude to all of us. I've told her "im gonna respect your relationship but don't expect us to be friends" and have told him many times that I don't think she should come around every weekend as it's not healthy. It's gotten to the point now that when I get drunk and she's there I tell her what i think about her (like she's not good for him and she's controlling) and it's not getting better as i can hear everything she says in his room so I can hear her talking shit about us
I understand she's a human being with issues but there's a limit I can take and I think I might be taking it too far now and it's now straining my friendship with Steve but I honestly can't take it anymore.
Am I being an asshole? Should I let them have their relationship and focus on being his friend when she's not around?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
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OTHER
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{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
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|
ar10fa
|
{
"description": "waiting until I get my bonus in a couple weeks before looking for a new job",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for waiting until I get my bonus in a couple weeks before looking for a new job?
|
I work in an industry where I have certain performance goals to hit each year including sales and operational things. I hit all my goals for 2018 and always get glowing reviews, so I know I should max out my bonus when I have my review in a couple of weeks. The reason I am leaving is because there isn't anywhere for me to go at in company currently and I'm ready for the next step in my career. I am planning on waiting until my review and receiving my bonus before I start aggressively pursuing a new job with more career advancement opportunities and hopefully a higher salary. I can't help but feel bad because my company is great and seems to really look out for their employees. It's also not their fault that they can't offer any more advancement at this time, they're just too small and I'm not waiting for someone to retire before I take the next step. The other part of me feels like I earned that bonus due to my performance in 2018. I know when I go, it'll be a pretty big hit to them so am I leaving my company high and dry?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
HOqMHYj7dVUnettMqUFARYFl2OsnrPby
|
a4eexe
|
{
"description": "not cancelling my plans for my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not cancelling my plans for my girlfriend?
|
I have a friend who I’ve been friends with with a very long time. My girlfriend has already shared with me her distaste for my friend, and asked me a long time ago to stop hanging out with them. I told her that I am not going to do that as I’ve known him forever and I’m not going to cut him off just because she doesn’t like him. She understands this and agrees with me, and told me she’s fine with it.
Earlier today, I make plans with this friend and also tell my girlfriend about it. She tells me that it’s cool, and that she hopes I have a fun time blah blah blah.
20 minutes before my friend is supposed to arrive she calls me and tells me that she’s really stressed about school and she really needs someone to be there for her. I tell her I’m sorry, I can’t see you today, but I will always be available for you to text, call, Facetime, what have you. She gets really really mad and tells me that she can’t believe that I value my friend more than her, and I tried to explain to her that my friend was already on his way, and it’s rude to just tell him to go home. She told me to fuck off and is now very mad.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
u6cSrkrk72kylfwAIT0ZhuKBWXDihYqE
|
b5ibuo
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend after we found out that she's infertile",
"pronormative_score": 55,
"contranormative_score": 106
}
|
WIBTA if I broke up with my girlfriend after we found out that she's infertile
|
It's not easy writing this. I want to make clear that I haven't decided anything yet. I'm just considering all options.
About 2 weeks ago me and my girlfriend found out that she's infertile. We had been trying for a baby for almost a year, and we got a bit worried. So we decided to check the both of us, and it turns out that she is infertile. There's not much more to it, but they are 100% sure. We've been together for little over 5 years. I'm 24 and she's 2 years older, and we thought that the time was right.
Obviously we are devastated by the news, and I understand that it's an even bigger blow for my girlfriend. I've been there for her and we support each other, and I think that we're at least dealing with it.
She has already suggested adoption or a surrogate. I told her that was good idea and left it at that. The thing is, I don't want to adopt a kid. I also don't want a surrogate. I want to have my own kids, with my own woman (I don't know how to phrase this but you get what I mean). I get how this sounds really selfish. But it's how I think, I can't change that. I don't think I would be capable of adopting a kid. It's just not me. Is it weird that I want the woman I'm with to carry our child? I don't think it is. I want it to be our kid. But I know I'm not thinking straight right now.
I want kids. I want them with my girlfriend. She was about to be my fiancee. But we can't. I've been seriously thinking of breaking things off. I love her with all my heart, she IS the love of my life. I wouldn't want to put her through a break up after this news, I know she needs me. But I can't shake this feeling. I understand that many might not understand my thought process here. I don't know what to tell you. Would I be the asshole?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 106,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 33,
"INFO": 4
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 55,
"WRONG": 106
}
|
WRONG
|
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|
al8kwx
|
{
"description": "not caring my dad had a stroke followed by 9 hour heart surgery",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not caring my dad had a stroke followed by 9 hour heart surgery
|
My whole life I’ve grown up without a father only being raised by my mum, while it hasn’t been easy I’m now 20 and am definitely aware that I never needed him since mum did a great job on her own so I’ve now become some what angry as any kid who’s father willingly walked out on what was supposed to be his family, anyway fast forward to last week.
I received a Facebook message from a cousin I haven’t heard from in 10 years saying that my dad had a stroke and is in hospital and he’s okay just has to stay in, my only response was “thanks for the message” the next day he told me he had a 9 hour heart surgery and I basically replied with the same thing, mind you I was out having drinks with some friends when I heard this and I haven’t heard or seen from my dad since I was 13 so it was a bit of a crazy text to receive out of nowhere.
I told my mum the next day as it wasn’t my biggest priority and she seemed quite worried whilst I said “I don’t really care” and she got angry saying he’s still my dad, and while this is true and I would never wish this upon anyone I still can’t seem to find a reason why suddenly this will affect me, he hasn’t been in my life and I barely know things about him, so it’s hard for me to feel emotions to what I can almost describe as a stranger, I’ve told my mum that what happens to him good or bad doesn’t change my life but she wasn’t too pleased with that, and while I’m still yet to find out how he recovers I’m stuck here asking myself if I’m TA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
pU82GHNZuh9E68inZf0W8s7fZsOzgcGK
|
az7fx5
|
{
"description": "cutting all three of my sisters out of my life, rather than just the toxic two",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I cut all three of my sisters out of my life, rather than just the toxic two?
|
The family drama is long and complicated so I'll try to summarize. I'm the youngest of 4 girls in my family, we're all in our late 20s/early 30s now. My two middle sisters, K and S, have always been very toxic and downright mean which came to a spearhead at Christmas 2017. We all used to go to our parents house and that year it ended with a screaming match between me and K. I left Christmas morning on the 10 hours drive home and haven't spoken to K or S since (fwiw I made separate plans to spend time my my parents without siblings).
I'm certain of my choice to cut K & S out of my life because they're honestly terrible and manipulative people. They even make our mom cry from bullying her too. My question is about how I reacted with my oldest sister, B.
B and I are 6 years apart and were not very close until I was an adult, so still in the last 5-6 years really. Prior to Christmas 2017 I had tried to talk with B about my issues with K & S, and how they make me feel like utter shit, but every time I tried to bring it up B shut it down. She'd outright tell me "I'm not having this conversation." I respect that she has a different relationship with our sisters and I understand why she doesn't want my issues with K & S to taint her relationship with them. I'm okay with that, but it means that B has never heard my side of why I can't be around K & S and presumably she's given them the same stonewall on the issue. I respect that she doesn't want to choose sides so I don't push the issue.
After the Christmas 2017 fiasco, B was upset with me and while I was packing up my stuff she accused "So you're not even going to try?". I literally said nothing back to her, I knew I was too upset to say anything I wouldn't regret.
I was angered and hurt by her accusation, particularly because every time I tried to confide in her about my problems with our sisters she would shut that down and not hear a word. So it never occurred to me to explain to her my decision to leave and I was more thrown aback that she'd be upset with me for it. I own up that I was acting selfish by leaving but I stand by my decision for the sake of my mental health (which is another point of contention with K & S).
All that said, when I cut out K & S, I also cut out B. At the time, I was not in a good place to deal with any family. But I haven't reached out the B in the year & change since. And honestly, I've never been happier than in the time since I've cut ALL my sisters out of my life.
So WIBTA if I continued to cut B out of my life? I definitely think it's selfish but would it make me an asshole to continue cutting B out of my life since she never did anything directly wrong?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
9s7IR1cu44y89XrUg4IFfQuBqlZVGJOh
|
aqaqv4
|
{
"description": "forgetting to bring our garbage cans back from the curb",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for forgetting to bring our garbage cans back from the curb?
|
For context: I [18m] live with my girlfriend [18f] and her step-mother and her father.
This morning I woke up and there was a big text from my girlfriends step mom (Who we will call S for now) in a nutshell shell it says “Hey good morning I need you to do something for me can you turn on the dryer, it was beeping all night.. and can you also pour our the water in the garbage cans and bring them down oh and by the way I have s package for you” the text is was longer than that but that was it.
Now I had just woke up when I read that so I kept going on with my morning and don’t really think much of it at the moment. Later she gets back and texts me she has a package for me, naturally I go upstairs and get it (she doesn’t mention the trash cans to me at this point which I’m not sure why she didn’t) fast forward a few minutes and I have to take my girlfriend to her internship.
On the way out we see her shop-vacuuming our garage because it floods when it rains. She says “Do you remember me asking you last night if there was a lot of water and you said not too much, well a lot of stuff got wet down here. Also You forgot to bring down the garbage cans if the city sees us leave them out after 12 I could’ve been fined (she had never told me this by the way) ,it’s pretty shitty that you come running up for a package but won’t help me, I need you to step up I have to go teach for 3 hours” again not exactly what she said but along those lines
Now I know as an 18 year old living in their house that I should do pretty much any chore they ask. I just didn’t realize that you could get a fine for leaving a garbage can past 12 (which if hats what she started her text with I likely would’ve done it as soon as I woke up). Also I feel like it wasn’t exactly a big deal. In case you’re wondering I did go shop-vac as much water as I could (no one has ever showed me how) when I got back because I kind of feel bad.
So who is the asshole here. Am I an asshole? Are we both assholes?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
OLB0gXIhn1fNqPKGNwYETkD8u3AxMQEI
|
afjlca
|
{
"description": "exposing a girl for using bases",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for exposing a girl for using bases
|
I just wanna say, I am fine with people using bases. That's what they are for. But this situation was different.
​
Right so basically, I was in a discord server with about 4 other people. These people knew each other in real life, so they were very close with each other. Let's call them Chloe, Sam, Jill, and Tim. Anyways, there was a channel in the discord for art. Someone would show off their art and everyone else would compliment the art. But Chloe's art was a bit suspicious.
​
Her digital art looked very nice. Very good anatomy. That didn't bother me. But when I went to look at the art on her Instagram, something didn't add up. Her traditional art was very poor compared to her digital art. That's when I figured out she was using bases. But I decided to keep quiet since I might not have all the facts. Perhaps everyone else knew that she used bases and I was just out of the loop.
​
A few weeks later she shows another piece of art and Sam compliments the anatomy. That was a red flag. I felt that these people didn't know that she was using bases. I guess it ticked me off that she was basically claiming that all the art was her's. Someone worked hard on making these bases, it didn't feel right. So I went on the internet and found the base. Then I basically exposed her. I didn't want to go all out so I tried to casually bring it up.
​
Me: That's a nice base... who made it? (I suppose maybe this could have come off as a bit rude)
Jill: That's a base?!
Tim: Dude...
Sam: I don't think that's a base?
Tim: That doesn't matter.. you don't call someone out like that
Sam: They were just asking an innocent question
Me: Yeah!
​
Chloe ended up leaving the server. But she ended up coming back a few days later. We ignored the incident but every once in a while Chloe or Tim would call call me an asshole or something like that. So, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 29,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 30,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
RIGHT
|
DAbTyDfyQAhpPNTn5sl5MnJfHST8fGuQ
|
aylgh6
|
{
"description": "wanting to install a fence around my home",
"pronormative_score": 40,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to install a fence around my home?
|
Hello reddit, I take a lot of pride in making my house look nice. I’m a veteran, so I enjoy using my free time to do gardening, repairs, and general cleaning, especially power-washing.
My house is located right next to a popular hang out spot for teenagers, which I completely understand, they need a place to get away from it all and relax for a bit. The only issue I have is that they cut through my side yard instead of walking around my property which leads to a lot of dead grass from the constant walking.
I understood that it was because it was a lot faster to do so, so over the course of two weeks I transformed the dead area with a nice rock design that allows everyone to walk on top of it instead of destroying the grass.
Just two days after I did that it was vandalized, spray painted with designs and faces. I was upset as I had put in a lot of effort to create a solution for both sides.
But because of this I installed fences all around my property, the results aren’t great as a lot of people badmouth me when they see me outside. Claiming I’m a grouchy old man who doesn’t like teens.
Am I the asshole in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 40,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 40,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
PfdkscuNTs8zF9Wjgnld4eFfVTMT0NFf
|
aj40x6
|
{
"description": "playfully teasing my brother about a girl that liked him",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for playfully teasing my brother about a girl that liked him?
|
Okay, so my brother (M16) and I (F16) are twins that go to the same high school and are in the same grade. We live together (obviously) and there’s this neighborhood girl that had/has a big crush on him. She was really strange and bitchy and would hit on him in front of her boyfriend which I found both amusing and immensely weird.
My brother seemed to be into her for a little bit, but then got weirded out after hanging out with her and the bf one time. After he stared keeping his distance, she would just come up and start touching his hair (making him visibly uncomfortable) and sometimes I’d step in to tell her to back off.
Recently, we were visiting some cousins in Ohio and one of them asked if either of us were dating anyone. I, with a very, very joking tone said “ooooooh [weird girl’s name]” and poked my brother playfully. He flipped his shit. He started yelling at me in front of our cousins about how he hated her and how much of a freak she was. Then he just flat out started insulting me about random shit that was unrelated.
It was really embarrassing. I quietly told him to calm down, but he wouldn’t budge. He was pissed at me for the rest of the night, so I’d clearly touched a nerve.
Was I the asshole for bringing it up when I didn’t know it would bother him that much? Literally moments before he’d been teasing me about my bf so I thought it was all fun and games :\.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
awaorz
|
{
"description": "not trading rooms with my housemate",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not trading rooms with my housemate?
|
I (24f) share a 4-bedroom apartment with three other women around my age. The apartment has two huge bedrooms and two smaller, but still bigger than average, rooms. One of the smaller rooms is a bit smaller than the other, but not by much. We decided amongst ourselves before move-in that my housemate “Jane” and I would have the small rooms, but never discussed which of us would get the slightly bigger one. It didn’t matter that much to me at the time, and since Jane never brought it up I didn’t think she cared either. Again, the smaller room isn’t that much smaller.
Jane had to work on move-in day, so her mom dropped off some of Jane’s stuff earlier in the day. That morning, I got a text from one of my other roommates saying that Jane’s mom wanted to know which room I preferred so she’d know where to leave everything. I said it didn’t matter to me and that Jane could have her choice.
When I got to the apartment I found Jane’s stuff in the smaller room, so I assumed the bigger room was mine and proceeded accordingly.
Well, it turned out that Jane actually wanted the bigger room. Like, REALLY wanted it. When she arrived at the apartment that night, she asked me over and over if I’d trade with her. I asked her why she hadn’t said anything earlier, and she said that her mom had put her stuff in the smaller room without checking with her, and if she’d been there she would have done differently. I still said no, because by that point I was completely unpacked and moved in, and I really didn’t want to pack everything up again.
Jane was not happy about this, and has been really cold toward me ever since.
On the one hand, I feel like I gave her many opportunities to let me know in advance which room she wanted, but she chose not to say anything until I’d already moved in. But on the other hand, she seemed to have a much stronger preference than I did, and the only real reason I had for not trading were because it would have been a hassle (and, okay, also because I felt like she was being unreasonable and I didn’t want to give in). But I don’t know. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
b176i5
|
{
"description": "reporting my friend's ex to ICE",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA For reporting my friend’s ex to ICE?
|
Throwaway account for obvious reasons.
Also on mobile.
Okay so my friend, “Linda”, is my closest friend to me. I love her more than anything and about a year to two years ago she started dating this guy named “Aron”. At first everything seemed fine between them and she was saying how much she loved him etc etc. She was also having a lot of family problems and we were having some drama between us as well, so while she spent more time with Aron, we drifted apart and spoke less and less. A few days not speaking turned into a week, which turned into weeks, then months. After about six months (and a fight) we reconciled and started to rekindle our friendship.
Between that time she had also broken up with Aron, citing that he was very controlling and not a good person. We still weren’t very close at that point but slowly started building up our trust again. About three months ago, she admitted that he was abusive towards her, although she left him before she got seriously physically harmed. She also admitted to me that since then he had been creating fake Facebook accounts to talk to her and even though she would block him, he would create more and more. She would also catch him randomly appearing wherever she was and he knew where she lived. She was/is fearing for herself. She recently got into a new relationship, but this guy knows Aron. He doesn’t know he was abusive though.
One time Linda was helping her new boyfriend out in his neighborhood when she spotted Aron lingering nearby. She really freaked out and had a panic attack and left early. She tells me that at night she cannot sleep sometimes she is so scared (she lives alone aside from roommates she shares her apartment with).
So, I suggested to her to contact the police but she was hesitant because she didn’t have any proof. I completely understood this, being a survivor myself. She admitted that he is an undocumented immigrant, so I then suggested that she report that to the authorities so then that gets him out of the country for good. It would eliminate the threat forever. She said that it sounded like a really good idea, but the actually going through for her was a scary thought. I showed her the steps and said that she didn’t even have to go in person, you can just file a form online. She hesitated still, and said “let’s just go to sleep.” (I was staying the night)
A week or so later, we were FaceTiming and she was feeling anxious and so when we hung up, I just felt so powerless. I knew that she might not ever report him so I decided to then go on the ICE.gov website and report him myself. I did that and also wrote down the abuse he did to her (not naming her) and what she said he had down in the past to other girls, though I don’t know if it was here in the US or his home country.
Now ever since I’ve done that, I feel that I absolutely cannot tell her. Did I completely betray her trust by doing this? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
9xbnnx
|
{
"description": "killing my friend's tarantula",
"pronormative_score": 320,
"contranormative_score": 24
}
|
AITA for killing my friend's tarantula?
|
My friend is into tarantulas and has a couple of them at his house. I don't like spiders at all, they creep me out tremendously.
He invited me and another friend to his house to play PS4. He showed the tarantulas as usual, always inside their enclosures. He knows I hate having them close by, but if they're secured inside their little enclosure I'm okay with it. I know he has pranked people before so I made it very clear to never to that to me as I'd very likely just kill it out of fear.
We're playing PS4 and he goes get something for us to eat. Meanwhile I'm just looking at his books. He gets there with a plate with a cover on it, the kind that goes in the microwave so food doesn't splatter everywhere. Our other friend takes the cover and does a huge jump scare, hitting the plate and making the fucking tarantula fly in my direction. I had a book in my hand and out of reflex I threw the book at it killing it right there.
So now he's all pissed at me for being a "pussy" and killing an harmless animal. Other people are also blaming me for it and I even got an angry WhatsApp message from a guy that also has tarantulas at home.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
fHDqN5uq03EummrbWBpODMKK09RPbgvE
|
b509mb
|
{
"description": "breaking up with a woman for shitty reasons",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for breaking up with a woman for shitty reasons
|
I will preface this with: I am at least 99% sure I'm the asshole.
My ex wife and I separated last June. In January I started seeing someone new, got on well with her, plenty of shared interests.
Last week I broke up with her for what I think are shitty reasons:
She has no financial security, we are both 40, she has no pension, low pay job, no savings, previously bankrupt.
She was a bit too keen, declaring herself in love after a couple of weeks, making comments about moving in with me.
And lastly, I fear my ex wife would use me moving on to try limit my access to our children (when, a few months ago, I mentioned I was messaging someone I met she straight up said she didn't think I should see my kids of I was seeing someone else. This despite the fact she has moved on with someone else) and I can't afford to go through the courts to get access
Tl;dr I broke up with someone for shitty reasons
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
1l9AtCuslJe1ed3DXm559vPR6S15oSyC
|
aprfuu
|
{
"description": "doing my job",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for doing my job?
|
This is complicated, because I work with a few friends who I also live with, and to complicate matters, I’m their boss.
It starts with A, who is my best friend, refusing to talk to me after an incident (which I have to add, could’ve cost us both our jobs) at work.
I made it clear to them that I wasn’t talking to them as their friend, but as their boss, and they needed to talk to me about it before we had problems.
They, of course, refused again, so I had to pull them aside and pull rank. I didn’t want to do this, as I generally don’t with my staff, but I didn’t have a choice due to their behaviour.
They basically blew up at me, starting to cry and have what was essentially a tantrum, which I refused to engage and sent them home from work.
They basically told me that I’m an asshole for doing my job, even though it’s been made clear multiple times when we’re at work, we can’t be friends like we are at home.
I’m very career orientated and they understood, or at least claimed to understand that I need to do what I need to do at work, and it would not affect our home life.
They said they understood again after I’d told them to go home, but it was completely within their right to be upset with me, and that if they choose to continue to be upset with me outside of work, I have no right to feel anything about it.
I would’ve treated any staff member the same way, and I have done in the past.
A knew what they had done was inappropriate and I think that’s why they were avoiding talking to me about it, but now it’s turned into me being the bad guy.
My other housemates won’t speak to me and I didn’t even want to come home last night.
Am I the Asshole for treating all my staff the same?
I’m honestly at a loss. I can’t apologise for treating all my staff the same, but I also wouldn’t want to, because they need to understand the weight of what they did.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b3iwiw
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{
"description": "being aggressively negative and \"unsupportive\" towards my friend's new smoking habit",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for being aggressively negative and "unsupportive" towards my friend's new smoking habit?
|
Im on mobile, so my apologies.
We are in high school and my friend, for a while, has been in this dark place in her life. She is doing very well in her classes and is about to graduate early, but she is always depressed and stresses out quite frequently over all of the things she has to worry about. Also, her family does not support her sexuality and she lives in a low-income home.
Because of this stress, she tried marijuana for the first time. She wasnt thrilled about it at first but she is starting to get dependent on it. My other friends are even trying to sell her edibles.
Now I am VERY against the act of substance abuse, no matter what it is. Alcohol, cigarettes, pot, or hell even chicken nuggets. I do not care. My family has a really bad history over marijuana as my older brother used to steal from us to support his habit.
I was not thrilled about this. I mentioned that worrying about getting high is only going to add onto her things to worry about. It is also still illegal recreationally in the state I am in if I am correct.
My other friends who support her habit believe that I am just being a dick, and that marijuana isnt even that dangerous or addictive (which is only true in a chemical sense but you can get addicted to anything). They believe that marijuana will help her become much less stressed and that it isn't even none of my business to begin with.
I dont care if it is dangerous or not, it is just not smart to get hooked on something when you cannot even monetarily support it. She has a low income family and she doesnt have a job.
So am I the asshole for this? Am I justified for not supporting her habit, or am I just sticking my nose in where it does not belong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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|
b9978k
|
{
"description": "telling someone to focus",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for telling someone to focus
|
Background: I am the president of choirs at my high school, I have had leadership issues and micro management problems in the past but I am making really good progress and I don’t think it is really much of an issue anymore.
So our choir was about to go onstage perform at Disneyland and I was trying to settle everyone down and help warm them up while our director did some last minute things with the tech booth.
One person in the choir. Let’s call her Beth, was being very distracting. Flailing her body around, distracting everyone around her and getting other people to focus on her instead of getting ready. So I calmly and privately told her “hey let’s try to focus on choir now”. And she rolled her eyes and snapped back “okay, i already am focused on choir”. From my perspective she was not but I kept going with warm ups. Throughout those she was just talking in a group. Distracting other people in the choir, talking instead of warming up and focusing. I noticed and said to the whole choir “alright let’s focus, singing not taking”. (Not specifically pointing them out, although that was my objective). And then again ... nothing.
So after warm ups our director was still talking and asked everyone to not talk for a few minutes. So I tried to calm down conversations and once again went up to Beth. Frustrated I asked her to please stop talking and she just told me no and to stay in my lane (which I’m pretty sure is my lane as the president) and in the moment I said “fight me b*tch)
After our director finished with the tech group I immediately went up to her and apologized for getting flustered and asked her if there was anything we can do to make sure this doesn’t happen again. And she just rolled her eyes and said something along the lines of “you can stop micro managing me” and I tried to explain my point of view and she would just cut me off with “okay” every other word and wouldn’t even say anything herself.
Afterwords she went to all of my friends and started complaining to them too. I was already pretty ostracized from the group and now they are all avoiding me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
asFPgCZU95RHBTArhWMUdsvDSaAChrES
|
aokona
|
{
"description": "being mad at my friend for not telling me that she has been avoiding me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for being mad at my friend for not telling me that she has been avoiding me
|
About 6 weeks ago I was having drinks with a friend I shall call E. At the time I was not in a great place mentally, I had been off my meds and was spiraling a bit. And then I started talking about how tough it is being single. Which led me to asking E why she was with her boyfriend and not me. I didn't mean it in a bad way. E had known for a long time that I have feelings for her but she made it clear she wasn't interested, which I accepted. I consider us getting together as likely as me learning the ability to fly. But the fact that she described her boyfriend as quiet got to me. My self conscious tells me that I will never have a relationship with anyone because I am quiet so it was difficult to hear she was with someone that's quiet. I was just looking for a reason, like I am not her type, whatever. Just something to stop them stupid voices in my head.
Me asking this clearly upset. I definitely regret it and felt guilty and I apologised. I thought it was a dumbass fuck up but AITA to say that to her?
Anyway, I find out recently that she is still mad at me. I had no idea she was mad at me at the time, let alone still. I didn't think what I said was that bad. The way we left it on the night, she said things were fine, that I could still call her, later in the week or the next day. I instead sent her a message as she had said that she wanted space, so I just apologised and said I would. She never responded to it but she wished me a Merry Christmas. I tried organising to go for a few drinks and she would agree but then cancel or something would come up or she was busy doing something else. I understand she was asking for space but I really wanted to go for drinks one last time before the end of Jan. As we was both moving away and I knew it would be months before we could meet up again. I also messaged her at one point asking if I can talk about mental health things as she was someone that often said to speak to her if I was struggerling.
Anyway, roll on to now, I found out she is still mad, that she has been lying to me to avoid conflict. She also tells me, that she don't want to be there for my mental health. Which I accept she has every right to not want to go for drinks or want to speak to me about my mental health. But I am just really pissed off that she didn't tell me any of this. We are supposed to be close friends, I feel like she should have told me if she was mad so we could talk about it and I could try to make things right. I feel like she should have told me if she didn't want to go for drinks. It's also very difficult do
I had another friend stop speaking to me for a long time for reasons unrelated to me and that really fucked me up mentally. Then when we started speaking again it was fine for a bit but then when I annoyed her she didn't tell me and just blanked me. I am only beginning to get over that now, but I struggle to believe anyone likes me and just assume everyone hates me. So when I found out E has been lying to me about going for drinks, it felt like that all over again, which really hurt.
It's also very difficult for me to open up about mental health becauae I am constantly worried about bothering people. So, it's really difficult to not be told if someone doesn't want to hear it.
​
AITA for being angry at her for avoiding me and not telling me the truth?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
fhfbsaS9BtYTIMJQPBVdC6rZ4bu7dljo
|
awo6w1
| null |
AITA My best friend and relationships
|
My best friend is in a relationship and it feels like she's rubbing in my face. She's constantly making remarks about me being single the most common one is "We'll find you a man." It completes annoys me. I'm happy for her but it feels like she's pushing me to be in one as well. I don't really voice my annoyance about it because, I don't want to hurt her feelings. Am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
FtyroPegbXvtTf68pb7WI8dDJotvdxoB
|
ah5bbz
| null |
AITA property manager issues
|
AITA, Hi everyone I'm in a weird spot currently. My lease ends on February 4th and I've been dealing with this property manager. In November my friend suggested I come fill a room in their house in March. They said so long as I sign a lease I can crash there before and put my stuff in the garage in between my leases. So we start reaching out to the landlord in late November (24th).
I wanted to know how much my room was going to be per month and sign a lease ASAP. Over the next weeks I'd ask my friend if she could get any info and all she would be able say is that she called the property manager and he never responded. I asked for his number and got it. I called and texted and he never responded to any of my contact attempts. This past week I get a link to an application in a group text. I say I'll fill it out tonight (January 17th). I work as an on call employee and my work involves heavy machinery and pressure system operation, with very little margin for error. So my sleep is pretty important. My phone starts going off at 11pm on Wednesday from this landlord starting that he hasn't gotten an application from me yet, in a group text. After waking up, I responded that "I will get it done tomorrow" and "thank you for reminding me at 11pm"
Now my potential roommates are upset at me afraid that he wont approve me for the lease. I definitely could have handled that better than a passive aggressive text. I'm just really fed up with this guy operating on when its convenient for him.
AITA? Also I like these people and the property manager works at a management company, any suggestions would be welcome.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
SCTbtXgDQ3otrFrob5Q5LPxpoEoaXrIf
|
al7xhp
|
{
"description": "asking my fiancé to help out more around the house",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my fiancé to help out more around the house?
|
Some background: my (26f) fiancé (24m) and I have been living together for about a month. Previously we both lived with our parents. I however, have lived on my own before, just moved back for financial reasons. My fiancé on the other hand has never lived alone. My fiancé’s parents used to rent the house we currently live in and after they moved out, my fiancé said he wanted to “live like a bachelor before I moved in” which is fine by me. He kept delaying my moving in for almost a month longer than anticipated, eventually citing that he “wanted to learn what it takes to run a house and realize all the things his mom did” for him so he didn’t take me for granted.
Since moving in (and before really, when I’d stay on the weekends) I have shouldered the majority of the household work. Cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. I have a job, internship and grad school all going on at the same time meaning that most days I leave the house at 7 am and don’t get home until 6, 8, or even 11 pm. On the days I’m home early, I don’t mind having to do dishes or cook or take out trash but on the long days, that is the last thing I feel like doing when I get home.
Now, I understand that my fiancé doesn’t feel like doing this stuff right when he gets home either, and I definitely do not think he should be waiting on me but when I get home at 11 pm and see a sink full of dishes, or an overflowing trash can I get frustrated knowing he had all night to clean up.
I brought up the issue that I needed/wanted more help around the house and was met with a “well, you always do the dishes before I get the chance. I’d do them before I go to bed but I go to bed late and you already have them done.” Except there have been nights where I’ve decided not to do anything and there will still be dishes or trash piled up when I get up the following morning.
Anything that I said next during he conversation was met with “well you just need to ask me to do it” and once I stated that I shouldn’t have to ask for help with these basic things, he curtly replied, “fine. I’ll help more.” I ended the conversation and walked away so a larger argument didn’t start.
So, AITA for asking my fiancé to contribute more to keeping our house clean without having to prompt him to do it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
LRUUpJQyg2Wd25m4nKMU3Dqo3YkjOBSB
|
b9cxcc
|
{
"description": "not wanting to do the dishes in my family's household",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for not wanting to do the dishes in my family’s household?
|
So a little context. I’m a 15 year old male. Last night (April 4th) I was doing my families’ dishes as I have to contribute to the household chores. My parents both put their dishes next to the sink even though they could have put them in the dishwasher. I asked my father-figure “Could you please put that in the dishwasher?”
He replied with “No, that’s your responsibility.” I got a bit angry but my reasoning was that since they always ask me to put my dishes in the dishwasher and I comply, That I can ask them too. So I got upset and told them my reasoning but then it turned into a full on argument with my father-figure leaving and my mom screaming at me to “go fuck myself” and that I’m an “entitled bitch who should buy their own damn food.” Safe to say I cried a bit because my mom hasn’t ever screamed at me that way. Sure, this story isn’t very exciting or dramatic but I feel like an asshole and need a solid answer. So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
IN0yI9sZhDIar3DdQQNTrks0IDZgkaB9
|
amdzka
|
{
"description": "not wanting to hang with my brother anymore",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to hang with my brother anymore?
|
My little brother and I used to be fairly close since we enjoyed many of the same things (music, tv shows, hobbies). I got him his first, his second and his current part-time job and in general I rather liked hanging out with him. When I came out he was very protective of me and gave my girlfriends the "If you hurt her, I'll hurt you" speech, which amused both me and my then girlfriend immensely.
​
However, more recently my brother has gotten very into 4Chan and inceldom and general alt-rightishness. He thinks it's fun to 'trigger' me by saying stuff like "I don't think women should be allowed to have abortions", "All immigrants should be shot dead." (My current girlfriend is an immigrant) and "lesbians should be forced to have sex with men". I've told him politely that I feel uncomfortable hanging out with him if he keeps saying things like these. This makes him angry because "clearly they're all jokes". He thinks I'm the asshole for not wanting to hang out with him and talk about his hobbies, just because he occasionally makes a tasteless joke. He can occasionally be very nice but I just don't feel comfortable being around him when he makes these 'jokes' that don't respect my personhood and of people close to me.
​
AITA for thinking this is enough reason to want to avoid him? Or should I just lighten up and still hang around my brother because we do have other things in common?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
H59r5iW3suHWK5zXLEb7OVp9NucMQrdi
|
awfoes
|
{
"description": "being upset",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset
|
Tonight my SO and I went to a local community non-profit that is open 24/7. He was going to work on a project, but I had just gotten off work and was tired, but I didn't mind going. In fact I usually enjoy going here, but this time I was mostly just going to wait for him to finish. We got there around 9PM. At 10:40 I went to find him, feeling very tired now with an upset stomach. I asked how his progress was going, and if we could leave soon. He said if we left then he'd have trouble finding his place again, and we agreed to leave at 11:30. Well this time has come and gone, and I go to find him at 12:15. He is still working and lost track of time. I'm annoyed but don't make a fuss. He starts getting his things together. By the time we actually leave it's 12:40. He notices I'm not my usual chipper self, I haven't smiled, etc and asks what's bothering me. At first I try to play it off and not say anything, but he asks again so I tell him I'm a little annoyed we're leaving so late. He responds dismissively, asking why I'm making a big deal out of it, and this pisses me off - I snap at him and tell him not to bother asking if he doesn't want to know what's bothering me. He asks why I'm acting like this, it's not like he did it on purpose, and how I don't "normally" get so upset when he's late. I said I know he didn't do it on purpose, or I would be a lot more upset, but it did hurt that he would be so inconsiderate as to not check the time at all, especially since I had already told him I wasn't feeling well and wanted to go home much earlier. He says he's sorry we're leaving so late but he didn't do anything wrong b/c it was an accident, I can't be mad at him for losing track of time. I tell him it was thoughtless and inconsiderate, he says I'm implying it was intentional. I tell him he's blowing it up and he's the only saying anything about it being intentional - I was upset based on it being an accident. I'm getting more upset b/c of 1. He was thoughtless, but that was a small amount of upset 2. Instead of apologizing he insisted he had nothing to be sorry about. We argues the whole way home, to the point where I said I was tired of debating, neither of us were changing our minds and I was tired of him trying to convince me that I was wrong to be annoyed.
Another bit of information - my birthday is this Sunday, and we're going out to dinner with my folks. We've been together for 6 years, but he's not doing anything for my bday, no present, no date, no anything, the only reason I'm getting any kind of special treatment is because of my folks. I'm trying not to show my disappointment, trying not to feel selfish, but I think I lashed out at him b/c of these feelings. However, I still think he was inconsiderate tonight. What do you guys think? Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
UbvSvi01ySB4JCrgAANe3TB9MvuciUWS
|
aqhhve
|
{
"description": "not wanting my mate to come over this week",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my mate to come over this week?
|
Hes an awesome friend, gives me foot rubs n everything (honestly too often, at one point i was starting to feel less like my body actually belonged to me cause he just wouldnt stop)
He always wants to hang out, and when hes over he stays for days. I struggle to have time to myself when hes here, if i leave the room he will come check on me to make sure im okay, or tell the dog to leave me alone despite the fact that i can literally do that myself if i needed to.
Ive started asking him to bring milk and his own food when he comes over (stuff like mince meat and noodles) because he uses up so much milk and he doesnt eat much but im not exactly rolling in food, let alone money to buy food.
He wanted to come over this weekend but i used the excuse that my new housemate (just moved into a new place) isnt keen on new people (not a lie) so to give it a week.
I feel like i dont have a real reason to not want him over but at the same time i feel like hes never not here. And i cant get away when he is here otherwise he'll be bored (and for some reason thats a big deal, he never made it one but it feels like it is for some reason)
So AITA or am i justified? Im just worried im pushing him away for no good reason, or because im hitting depression due to recent events.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
W9NswoShsDZo6IOE8a2e8vceqkQgPs7V
|
ardgpy
|
{
"description": "being uncomfortable about a work situation",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being uncomfortable about a work situation?
|
I'm 19 btw. I have high functioning autism idk if that makes a difference but I thought it was worth mentioning. My first and current job (in a bar) is weird in the sense that everyone is dating everyone else. Absolutely everyone. There's maybe 3 single people (including me) Maybe it's jealousy because I'm single? I definitely don't like any of the dudes I work with more than friends if they were single which obviously they aren't. Idk because I know my self esteem is pretty high. I feel like a jealous cow. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
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"NOBODY": 5,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
TuEI0A0eIMNQh4Y3a2JNtJZrBpF50zKA
|
apmt8g
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend due to depression",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend due to depression?
|
I have to start by saying I was dating the most incredible woman I’ve met. Since day 1 she’s cared about me so deeply. She’s beautiful, intelligent, attentive, and very funny. All great qualities, and ones I’ve longed for in a SO.
I’ve been severely depressed since 18, and it’s gotten progressively worse. I’ve also attempted suicide on two occasions. Battling these demons has been very hard, but I truly want to live. I am currently in therapy, and going back to anti’s this month. All of these things were made well known to her (met in October). We fell for one another quick, and I told her that a relationship just wasn’t in the cards for me. I’m 24 and just started my career so my life is hostile as is and I knew tackling on new love would be hard (last relationship was a broken up engagement). Each time she assured me that she was in this with me, and that she wants to be there for me. I always gave her a chance.
This last month I haven’t been well. I stay up late having empty thoughts. We spend a lot of time together, and I just need a break. I don’t even love myself right now, and it’s hard to force myself to love someone else. I lack showing her affection & I know it’s taken a toll on her. I feel so damn bad cause she’s damn good to me, but I feel like I’m wasting her time.
She’s really heart broken right now, but I hardly feel anything. Am I wrong, family?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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cgI0oPBAxds7dsRM4LXxtn1KX2AxAUvQ
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axmo1h
|
{
"description": "standing up to my downstairs neighbours",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for standing up to my downstairs neighbours?
|
There’s a couple that lives below me. Well, the girl lives there and her boyfriend is always there. I’m constantly woken up at 7am, or 3am to them shouting and him calling her names. Horrible stuff like: “you stupid fucking bitch, I hope I come home and you’re dead. Retard!” Just constantly calling her a bitch and telling her to shut the fuck up at the top of his lungs. I’ve attempted to intervene by A) stomping twice to let them know I can hear them and B) calling the cops. Option A) has been met with retaliatory smashing on their sealing telling me to shut the fuck up, and that he’ll come up here and beat the shit out of me. He’s even came out of his basement apartment and jumped on my balcony/patio and smash on the door to my living room threatening to beat me up. She screams for me to leave it alone too. B) was met with her coming to my door and screaming at me, telling me she’s happy and if the yelling bothers me to put on headphones and mind my own business. It even got to a weird argument where she said “if it bothers you, come down there and do something about it” to which I said “I would never do that - it’s obviously violent and that’s just dangerous” and she said “is that a fucking threat?” Having just threatened me (lol).
Most recently at 8am, I woke up to her screaming and crying saying “you don’t touch this body” over and over and his response saying “fucking hit me then!” It’s so loud and vivid because their room is under mine, which makes my roommate dismiss it. I think the right thing to do is to call the police in case someone gets hurt.
This is a student dominated area and they are not students. Im 24 and they’re probably 27/28. It shakes my floor, knocks stuff off of my mantles and happens two or three times a week. Am I the asshole? It makes me incredibly uncomfortable, scares my girlfriend and my guests.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
TqejvhxUm8MXTOV4Bltis8mJA0AWihqM
|
abfcb6
|
{
"description": "not giving back my neighbour's ball after they kick it over the fence",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving back my neighbour's ball after they kick it over the fence?
|
Warning: it's long. TLDR at the bottom
So about 3 months ago some new neighbours moved in next door. Kinda quite, with some small children, and at first we thought that everything would be ok, since we didn't talk to our previous neighbours much either. Alas, it wasn't quite for long.
The neighbours got the kids into soccer, and proceeded to use our fence as a goal, which, because of the way our house is built (i.e badly) causes the shock to be heard in the entire house. We asked them nicely multiple times if they could please stop, or at least move the activities somewhere more appropriate, since there are 3 massive parks within a 5 minute walk of our houses, 2 of which have goals that anyone can use just sitting around.
They refused, and told us that we were bring incredibly selfish and gave us the classic "think of the children". They continued doing this for a month or so, before the balls started coming over the fence as the kids presumably got better at soccer and kicked the balls harder.
For the first few times we brought them back, each time reminding the neighbours that we didn't want them using our fence as a goal, adding that there was a big glass window on the other side which the balls could easily break. Again, little to no consideration on their part, and the games continued. We then decided to stop throwing the balls back, to which they proceeded to trespass on our property to get the balls back, even when we were home in our garden.
We called the police, who informed the neighbours that they can't do that (obviously), but said that there wasn't much else they could do since it wasn't malicous. After a few days, they continued their behaviour. A week ago, it finally came to a head when a stray ball hit a weather cover (the plastic sheets that stop rain), and broke it. The police were unhelpful in the extreme and passed the buck to the housing agency responsible for the neighbours house (it's a state owned property), who told us their was nothing they could do. We then decided to stop throwing the balls back and just keep them in our house, and are now being blamed by the neighbours for "ruining their kids' childhood", and that I haven't been clear enough that they shouldn't get the balls back.
Am I the asshole for not doing more to stop this situation from coming this far? Should I give the balls back or leave them in the yard, with them continuing to trespass to get them back?
TL;DR new neighbours use our fence as a goal, kick balls over said fence, trespass on our property, eventually break something, and are now blaming us for everything.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
1t3iT1LrbMgnYvbiiq9p6y9696fnykJC
|
9y7l8u
|
{
"description": "hating my job",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for hating my job?
|
I won't say where specifically, but I have a shitty, minimum wage retail job that I've been trying to get out of for a while.
Over the last 6 months, the duties of my shift have just about doubled with no alteration in pay (& we are, of course, the worst paid shift). They now give us tiny time tables to complete a full day's worth of work so that we can be diverted to do what used to amount to our shift's whole job in the last few hours of the day. On top of that, we're having store-wide cuts to people's hours & I recently discovered that most of us will not be recieving the holiday bonus.
So, my retaliation has been to stop giving a shit, slow down, & generally do the bare minimum to take home my shitty pittance & passively hinder the store. I had an altercation with my supervisor today because of how backed up my part of the store got yesterday & ended up being sent to talk to management.
Their general position is that I'm not seeing the big picture, that what's good for the store is good for everyone, & that we all need to give our level best every day no matter what. Keep in mind, we've already had 2 people on our shift quit over the current state of things & a third (not me) right on the edge of doing the same.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
wAWKzZO5Wt9doUzW1kJBJY2UlITw7bxj
|
a49mpk
|
{
"description": "being annoyed at my girlfriend pulling faces",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being annoyed at my girlfriend pulling faces?
|
This is going to sound like a stupid thing to get annoyed at, but whenever me(30M) and my girlfriend(33F) have a disagreement or argument she will roll her eyes or pulls faces at me. I've brought it up a few times that it bothers me (which usually ends with another eye roll) and she keeps saying things along the lines of "I can't help it, I have a animated face". But she never stops doing it. This morning it happened and she said "Can we stop being so childish about the eye rolling thing, it's my face and not a lot I can do about it". I know Its a really stupid thing to get annoyed at and everybody should pick their battles, but AITA for letting it bother me so much, or should I just get over it and try my best to ignore it? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
XFR8aI1cwc2XZnlOzYhTTTBdCHVfLNXi
|
aeq75n
|
{
"description": "being unbothered by babies",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being unbothered by babies?
|
Not saying I dislike them, I obviously was one once. It’s just more that I’m impartial. I of course understand people being excited by their own, or those of family members or close friends. But when a work colleague for example brings their new born into the office “to meet everyone” and expects everyone to share their excitement, i usually find it hard to muster up any interest at all. To me all babies look the same for a start, and they don’t really do much else except from sleep and cry. I simply cant fake excitement to meet a child I have zero connection to. Maybe I’m the weird one here, but surely there’s other people out there who are also unbothered by the whole new born baby showing off thing?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
m8F8lbW6AGUY8AdINAqyrtimqzqvOjba
|
afkgdt
|
{
"description": "ending this friendship",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for ending this friendship?
|
A couple months ago I used to have regular conversation with a girl who had a pretty rough time at home, I was at a similar situation during my life so I understood fairly well and tried to support her as well as I could.
The first few months of this friendship were really successful, we talked about our problems to each-other and we both managed to find new solutions to our issues, but the problem stems when I was having a really good period time within my life, and every night she made me stay up talking about how negative she was feeling and how bad everything was and how she believed the "world was good for nothing" etc, very negative statements that I didn't want to hear at that time because I was having a really good time.
It all reached a breaking point when she talked about something really bad in her family, and I was just tired of hearing really negative shit all night causing me to get to sleep really late and making me tired the next day, so I told her something along the lines of "I really care about you, but sometimes I don't wanna hear such negative things, do you mind toning it down a little bit?"
After I said that, she went crazy and started calling me horrible names and said how I'm an "ungrateful bastard" for not appreciating all that's she's done for me with helping my problems. Then I said to her that she's insane and that I don't need to talk to such unstable people and that she needs some serious help because I'm not a punching bag to consult her problems even if I suffer, after which I blocked her on everything. I felt really guilty about what I said but I don't believe I done anything wrong.
So, Am I the asshole in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
8DucdM5KSlY3Hst5TC3RxJu1nzvbUfcs
|
aoztp1
|
{
"description": "calling my dad an asshole",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for calling my dad an asshole?
|
A few hours ago me and my family were eating our dinner when the news started talking about a foreign movie about a child suing their parents for giving birth to them.
I had read a few days ago about an Indian man in his mid twenties who was suing his parents for the same reason, and I brought it up. The man's parents were lawyers, and I awkwardly laughed when I started to recall what the mother had said about the situation ("He can try, but I won't hold back against him."). My dad interrupted my talking to laugh at my awkwardness, and laughed harder when I showed annoyance. Before continuing, I quietly said "You're an asshole." between my words, as I would for many others. My dad stopped all conversation and glared at me, asking me what I had just said. I was shocked at the sudden intensity, and just stared at him. He asked me twice more, each time more intense than the last, before I answered him with what I said.
Then he said, and I quote: "You call me that again and I will fucking stab you, do you understand?"
While pointing his steak knife at me.
In front of my mother and little sister.
I've always had trouble with reading social cues due to my Asperger's, but never like this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
wQLVjoNPCylc16HXzD0abOex3JiCYvVQ
|
9z9f18
|
{
"description": "not letting people I think are bigots express their opinion",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for not letting people I think are bigots express their opinion?
|
I have recently stumbled upon a subculture of women on twitter who call themselves “radical feminists”. These women believe that transwomen do not have the right to call themselves women, and that they are dangerous because they were born as males. Some of them are intersex, some lesbian, and some straight white women. All of them are extremely hostile and hateful toward anyone that disagrees with them or has anything to say that does not align with their personal views.
I have spent the past 24 hours or so engaging with these women. I have been called countless names, and attacked for my personal appearance and identity, just for suggesting that these women are being oppressive in their rhetoric. I have reported many accounts that exist solely to erase transgender identity. I have reported many accounts that claim to be “gender critical”—a term used to justify their stance that transgender is an invalid identity.
Twitter has a clear policy about hate speech and “abuse”. I report people that I believe incite and perpetuate a toxic culture of hate and misinformation. I have been assertive with these women, however, I have not resulted to personal attacks. I don’t think.
Someone who believes that trans people have no right to identify as female suggested that “prancing” had something to do with my intelligence/opinions. I am a queer person, so I told them that they were a homophobe. From a quick glance at their profile, I was also able to tell they are a transphobic cis-gendered white woman. I do not want to identify this person, so I am not going to provide direct examples from their profile. (If I am not the asshole, perhaps I will post examples.)
That said, my response to this woman was reported and my account was suspended, temporarily, for “abuse”. None of the accounts I have reported have had any repercussions. I am at a loss as to what I have done wrong. I thought I had been civil, and that these women were the one’s with the oppressive opinions. Now I am seriously wondering if it is bigoted of me to be calling these women out. I am a cis-gendered male but I did not think that meant I could not have an opinion on feminism.
Here is how the exchange went (the final quotation has been taken down and is what I was banned for):
“Yes, it’s the prancing that makes the difference.”
“Homophobe.”
“Name caller”
“LOL! Which is worse? Name calling is an honest artform. PS. I never said homophobe was your name. You took it that way. Because it is who you are. A hateful, ignorant, bigoted, self righteous, priveleged, homophobic cis-gendered white woman.”
Tldr; I was temporarily banned on twitter for calling out trans exclusionary radical feminists for being oppressive.
Am I the asshole for not letting these women express their opinions?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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}
|
WRONG
|
6YwlX2M9wXiXf04eZRs61mH2jtDVUTHv
|
9w7kan
|
{
"description": "cutting off a friend who gives me constant excuses",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA: Cutting off a friend who gives me constant excuses.
|
So, I have this friend. I will call her Sarah. We've been friends since we were about 10, so just over 14 years of being friends. She's an amazing person and I do see her as one of my good friends because I can trust her with anything but her excuses to not meet up are driving me insane. She only started doing this in 2016, and I don't know where it came from.
Some of the excuses used a few times are;
* It's raining.
* I missed my bus, and I can't be bothered to wait for the next one, can we meet another day?
* I made other plans because I don't wanna do (cinema/coffee/whatever) with you anymore.
There have also been days where we have arranged to meet, and everything is fine, up until the time we agreed to meet. I'll be there, at the place we said to meet and she will advise me "I'm on the train" or "I'm on the bus" and so many minutes later, she will say "I'm sorry I'm actually at home in bed, not well." This hasn't just happened once, it's happened quite a few times.
And if I make plans on a full weekend, she gets mad at me for "never making time for her".
I've tried to cut her off 3 times, but every time I try and cut her off, she says "Why are you cutting me off because I have depression?" and it starts a massive argument. And that's not the reason at all. I'm not cutting her off because she has depression. I just don't know what to do at this rate. I haven't seen her for 2 years because of the excuses. And I don't know what to say to her anymore.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
V0uazrn2dPwi19Adkf2LzbvxqKIvgOmP
|
agpr0i
|
{
"description": "telling depressed friend we she's giving me anxiety and telling her we cant be friends anymore",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For telling depressed friend we she’s giving me anxiety and telling her we cant be friends anymore?
|
Sorry for bad grammar typing on my phone but I’m a 16 year old guy and I have this female friend that is 15 and since last September she’s told me she’s tried to kill herself multiple times she tells me she cuts herself and sends me pictures of her crying and with box cutters on her thighs. This started to make me super anxious and I began to try to get her help I would constantly tell her to get help and I offer to go with her but she insists to stay and cut herself because she doesn’t want too. Now I admit I did fuck up and was a dick for threatening to tell the counselor one time but I was trying to drive her to do better and I understand I fucked up there and I apologize and have only kept it to myself. Last Wednesday I told her I’m taking a break from Social media to focus on me. This is because her negative energy and threats to kill herself has been giving me crazy anxiety because if something happens I feel responsible for not being the one to get her help. I feel like if she dies it’s all my fault so we haven’t talked for a few days. Fast forward to today I get back on Snapchat and she texts me angrily saying why haven’t you text me and all mad and I told her that her negativity has been messing with my mind and giving me crazy anxiety and I don’t wanna fall back into my depressed state that I was heavily in last year. She then sends me a picture of her crying and saying don’t worry I’ll be out of your life soon. I then instantly felt like shit for everything and feel like I’m responsible if she decided to do something to end her life now. I told her I’m still gonna check in on her. She told me I don’t have to and it’s fine and that she’ll just leave my life slowly. So now I feel like shit for everything that I did and feel like I should apologize for everything. Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
hf278qMTBS019tZNqhXWtyGtR9uVFrwm
|
b1aau2
|
{
"description": "getting infuriated with my father for spending my Grandfather's will money on a hot tub when he constantly complains about bills to pay for the family",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting infuriated with my father for spending my Grandfather’s will money on a hot tub when he constantly complains about bills to pay for the family?
|
My grandfather passed away last Tuesday. His son (my father), has been making financially ill purchases recently but this one tops the cake. Am I justified In my anger or not? Because it hurt me to feel anger towards him during the time of both of our losses. Am I blinded by love? Is he being the greedy bastard that I can’t see through the disguise of a loving father?Is he acting out in event of losing his father? Do I need therapy? Lol. Thank you for the read if you read.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
O79ZlWQUUpdOVZr4zyPcq8ypESsjUTu8
|
a4nlrh
|
{
"description": "arriving at the theatre with a friend 30 minutes late, splitting up a group who were seated in our spot",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for arriving at the theatre with a friend 30 minutes late, splitting up a group who were seated in our spot?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
|
aYFwPIVNYHZpnB7CnG4HJihgTGJNnG5H
|
atl1zq
|
{
"description": "telling my tourist guide he should have waited for the whole group",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my tourist guide he should have waited for the whole group?
|
So I (F22) I'm on vacation with my parents, their friends, my brother(M20) and my boyfriend (M25) in a developing country.
Today we went on an excursion with a private guide (M40s, previously lived in Europe and 20 years experience as a guide). We are in a group of 11 people, and when we got out of the bus our group got separated while officers were asking for passports. Half of the group entered first with the guide and the other half was left behind (me included). We felt really uncomfortable and unsafe, since we felt that it's part of the guide's work to keep the group together. My parents and their friends are non confrontational people, but I felt that I should say something to the guy.
Here comes the situation: I went to talk to him (its important to include that we are southern European and I was speaking with him in Spanish, whish isn't my first language nor the guide's). I don't know if I came off as rude but I basically told him that he should have waited for the whole group, because people felt unsafe and it was really non professional. I didn't insult him or anything, I know we southern European tend to be very passionate and when we are mad people can tell, but I didn't insult him or yelled like he did, I just explained to him why I didn't liked what he did.
Then he started yelling at me, saying things like how he had to go purchase tickets or else we wouldn't get on time in the boat (he didn't warned beforehand) and then starts saying rude stuff like how I am the "youngest in the group" and stuff like that. He didn't apologized, what infuriated me the most was that he went to talk to my boyfriend (as if he needed to apologize to him lol). If he had explained rather than yell, I would be okay with that and everything would have been fine.
The thing that is making me question if AITA or not is that everyone in my group turned against me and defended him (including my family and boyfriend, which didn't even heard what I said to the guy before, they weren't there, only heard him yelling), not even my parents stepped in (I know that I am an adult, but I feel if I was in their position I wouldn't let anyone scream to my kids that way). Needless to say that this ruined the trip for me and I just cried alone in the boat since I was so sad and so alone. I felt disrespected as a woman and a costumer. And like I am the "bad sheep". I know that this can be attributed to cultural differences, but the guy lives in Europe 8 months each year and is a guide for 20 years! He should have known better. I can't even write this without crying reddit...
So AITA reddit?
(English is not my first language either, sorry if there is any spelling mistakes)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
E5rkgAGopmy0242YFsRMXgTdC5nN80pf
|
b8z75q
|
{
"description": "expecting my boyfriend's parents to help me pay for a trip",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for expecting my boyfriend’s parents to help me pay for a trip?
|
My boyfriend and I have been dating for 8 months and we are about to graduate from college. A month or so ago, he mentioned that his parents want to take their family a European cruise after graduation, and would like me to join them (along with his sister’s long term boyfriend). He said that “they really want to spend some time with me” (because I haven’t seen them since the summer, unlike my parents, who have taken us out to dinner every time they visit).
However, when he had first brought this up, I had just returned from my spring break cruise with my friends. This was my parents’ “graduation present” to me. We aren’t struggling by any means, but we don’t have too much money just lying around for unexpected trips, especially after I just took one. On the other hand, my boyfriend’s family is very well-off, and a $3000 estimated trip cost would not set them back at all, which it would us.
When I started crunching the numbers and bringing it up to my parents, I just knew that we didn’t have the numbers to make it work. When I told my boyfriend that, he was really disappointed, since he really wanted me to come. The whole thing has been very embarrassing and tough for me since he still kept talking about the things he wanted to do on the trip with me, and of course I really wanted to go.
I feel awkward because they invited me along knowing that I had just taken a nice trip and I don’t have the resources that his family has. He’s made no mention of thinking to try to help me out, and my friends have said that I’m not alone in thinking that that’s not a crazy thing to expect. He keeps saying how it won’t be the same without me, and sometimes I just want to come out and say that it doesn’t have to be that way!! He has stopped talking about it, but I just can’t shake this feeling like I’m disappointing him, but maybe that’s just on me.
So AITA for being annoyed that my boyfriend’s wealthy family invited me on a trip that I can’t pay for and is not making any effort to help me come with?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
RIGHT
|
nYUDjjMHZlKfAfRQrT2RXFSVzi1n3T9J
|
anud2x
|
{
"description": "disliking the way I look",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for disliking the way I look?
|
I know the title sounds strange, but please hear me out.
I’ve always been a really insecure person, and I’ve never liked the way I look. On good days it’s fine and on bad days I hate my face completely..
Today was a bad day, and my mum asked me what was wrong since I can’t hide my emotions very well.. and for the first time, I just told her that I think I’m ugly.. usually I just say I’m fine or I’m tired or whatever.
Anyway, I regret that. She was obviously offended, told me that I wasn’t ugly and if I was, what was she? And then said that since we look very similar, I just called HER ugly, and she’s been obviously offended and angry at me ever since.
I didn’t mean that at all.. my mum’s not ugly at all. I apologised and told her that but I think she’s still angry :(
I’m so confused, since that definitely wasn’t the reaction I was expecting.. but idk what I should have expected?? And we DO look similar so maybe I should’ve been more considerate..?
Idk how to feel,,,
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
bkTpwXDKNut1Dr5ySP01Z3bah9dF2YOE
|
atbnoh
|
{
"description": "giving my best mate a used towel",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for giving my best mate a used towel?
|
Sorry on mobile. Ya.
So my best mate from uni days is coming into town tonight and I’ve just gotten back to town myself actually (was away for work). I was getting everything set up for him in the guest room when I realized I was out of clean towels.
I didn’t have time to do a load, so I gave him my towel that I’ve used just once. Maybe twice. Definitely less than 4 times.
I sniffed it and it smelled fine, even had traces of the detergent that I use.
AITA? It’s not like I’m a hotel. And I live in a pretty expensive city where hotels easily run £300+/night.
And I got him a bit of weed and everything too I know it’s been ages since he’s had ganj.
Before you ask — he’s got clean sheets and pillowcases and I even left a new toothbrush out for him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
kXkuxxdQErRknOyiBM47Q6YiWoJ46AxM
|
b7qi1r
|
{
"description": "not wanting to share a studio apartment with 3 other people for a vacation",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to share a studio apartment with 3 other people for a vacation
|
Hey there. I'm 19 and my parents were very kind in offering to buy my plane ticket if I wanted to go to HI and visit my grandma. She only recently moved there, and I have never been. I have no real desire to go for the Hawaii part, but I love my grandma. She lives in a 750ish sq ft studio apartment by herself.
My school break that I hope to go is also a week before my boyfriend and my 5th anniversary. I asked if he could come (NOT on their dime, him paying) and my parents said that would be fine. I expressed that I wanted to find somewhere to stay with him(him and myself paying, I made this clear), and they said that they would not be interested in paying for my ticket anymore.
The reasoning is that if they pay for my plane, I should save my money. My brother is with my Grandma right now and he is staying in her apartment. I understand that they want to help me, but I don't quite see the connection.
Thanks a bunch for reading
TL;DR: My parents offered to buy a plane ticket, will not follow through if I choose not to sleep on the floor of my grandma's studio apartment
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
YvyO7bPiwfsCPaaSTKVlukjZ5AFEOTKx
|
ao0gl0
|
{
"description": "refusing to pay my roommates' applications fees to reapply for our apartment when I leave",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to pay my roommates’ applications fees to reapply for our apartment when I leave?
|
Hi folks.
Long story short— my lease is up in March, and I am planning on leaving when it ends. My three flatmates all plan on staying until May, and renting from March-May on a month-to-month lease. I’m the only one with plans to leave when the lease is done in March.
Since we are not all vacating at the same time, we have to go through the tenant removal process, which requires my roommates to each pay a $75 fee to reapply for residence on their own (without my credit/participation reflected on their new lease).
My roommates blindsided me today when they confronted me and asked me to pay their application fees ($225) on behalf of my departure. They think that because I am not choosing to rent month-by-month after our lease is up, that it’s inherently my responsibility to pay their application fees.
Their reasoning? Apparently, they’d love to keep my name on the lease until May, and in their words, I could “move into my own place and pay nothing for the [apartment they live in].” If I’d simply agree to stay until May (not physically living in the place but having my name on the lease), no one would have to incur this fee for reapplying.
However, I still don’t plan on paying. I shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for leaving when a lease is up, and it’s not my responsibility to cover the reapplication fee. It’s their choice to remain in the apartment after March, and I refuse to cover the fees they must pay to apply on their own.
AITA here? They’re making me feel quite guilty for not paying this fee and for not agreeing to keep my name on the lease and avoid this fee, even when I wouldn’t be living there.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
jjC5Hq9DV18AVmRzYtOh6aMCxv12AhHQ
|
ak1u4l
|
{
"description": "sleeping with my friend after breaking up with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for sleeping with my friend after breaking up with my girlfriend?
|
So me and my girlfriend (A) had been together for over three years when we broke up. Near the end of our relationship A warned me that a female friend (B) of mine was being overly flirty, and A had become quite paranoid about B and I spending time together. This is fairly out of character for her and I hadn't given any reason for her to be suspicious. Me and A broke up around November for completely unrelated reasons (I ended things to focus on work and generally needing some time to myself. About two-three weeks later, B stayed at my house after we had gone to the pub with some mutual friends (she lives quite far away and was too drunk to drive). B ended up trying to sleep with me but I said no due to the fact that it might hurt A. B then got quite upset and threatened to drive home/ leave and sleep at another friends house. I managed to calm her down and she told me she respected my decision to not sleep with her. But then tried to sleep with me again until I gave in and had sex with her. I should clarify here that I did want to have sex with her but was in quite a bad place with the breakup and mainly wanted to feel wanted. After that night B and I continued sleeping together frequently for about another month. I ended up seeing A in December and told her everything that had happened. She was reasonably hurt and explained that she had been having a hard time with being broken up and wanted us to stop being in contact so she could move on.
I never really wanted the break up to be perminant and I said to A that I hoped we would get back together eventually. Recently, A and I spoke and I explained that I still loved her and wanted us to be together again, she said that it wasn't feasible at the moment as she's still very hurt from everything that happened between me and B, and she still wants to focus on moving on. So, AITA? I feel like a monumental tool, and all I can do is sit around and think about the mistakes I've made. Do you think this is something that we can recover from or have I been to much of an asshole?
TL;DR: I broke up with my girlfriend and ended up sleeping with a female friend who my grilfriend was - quite rightly - suspicious of. Now I want my girlfriend back but she's understandably hurt by my actions.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 16
}
|
WRONG
|
alSGHYyw8nvsvewOorlENk7REyQdI5lf
|
akwh50
|
{
"description": "ghosting my so after I had this epiphany",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 20
}
|
AITA for ghosting my SO after I had this epiphany
|
First off, I’d like to acknowledge that I’m probably the asshole in this scenario but I just kinda want to know if this is an ESH situation or whatever, yknow. Out of curiosity.
Anyway, I was with this girl for about 3 years and things were rather good between us, great actually. The only problem with our relationship was that our sex life was rather dull. She still lived with her parents who were pretty much ALWAYS home, collecting disability, which made any real fun virtually impossible and I was living in my van at the time to cut down on costs (yeah yeah laugh it up, not the best place for a lay). That was always ok to us though, for we thought it made the time we did have alone particularly special.
However, a couple months ago, I was diagnosed with Peyronie’s disease, an uncommon form of ED. When I next saw my GF, I mustered up the courage to come clean about my condition, so that she wouldn’t wonder what was up with my ding dong when we got down (or attempted to at least) to business. But after I told her, she laughed in my face and called me impotent. We then got into a heated argument. I felt so wronged by her because I honestly thought she would at least be understanding. In the end though, she did apologize and claimed she was just fooling around and we ended up successfully making love that afternoon. But her comments REALLY irked me for next couple of weeks.
I finally let it get to me one day and I decided to go to a gentleman’s club to prove that I was good enough to get any woman, ED or not. I snapchatted myself getting a dance from multiple strippers and I really only intended my friends to see it but my gf, who I guess was stalking my socials, saw it too and got pissed off big time. We had a major falling out but she ended up forgiving me and accepted responsibility for making me do what I did.
But a couple of weeks ago, I realized that I don’t really have to prove myself to anyone. I shouldn’t have to be self-conscious about my condition and I shouldn’t need acceptance from women to feel confident. And at the core of this struggle for acceptance was basically my gf all this time. So I weighed my options and ended up ghosting her, since I have no permanent address. I mean, she did put me through that ordeal and she was a little racist and perhaps islamophobic as well. So I kinda feel like I might not be the asshole in this situation since she at least partially deserved it. Idk you guys tell me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 20
}
|
WRONG
|
pkzRlxEWE4ryMzAwZXKSMpLpFgHfcRjf
|
b3arfe
|
{
"description": "laughing in class",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for laughing in class?
|
I know it sounds weird but hear me out. I'm a senior in HS and the year is almost over.
​
I'm in my French class and we have an assignment that we are doing atm and my friend plays a hilarious meme that makes me laugh pretty hard. My teacher notices this and gets angry at me and tells me to stop laughing. I nod but I can't help but still be laughing so i'm holding it in to the best of my abilities. So we're working on something else and two people are just reading like as if it was a play of some sort, most of the class is doing their own thing, i'm still working on something else and then my friend plays another funny meme and I die of laughter again. I wasn't obnoxiously loud but if you looked at me you could tell I was laughing hard. And my teacher looks at me again and tells me how would me and my friends like a zero in the grade book. And i'm thinking, "for laughter?". She goes back to her desk but eventually calls me over to see what my grade was for an assignment. She said she had given me a 43 due to my laughter and I was upset. And I checked the grade book and she had put it in TWICE just to ensure my grade dropped to a C.
​
AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
Rkm91p9gUlA7SQI8Xf6InMfuxRT5vzk2
|
ag5asf
|
{
"description": "wanting to breakup with my gf for no real reason",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to breakup with my GF for no real reason?
|
So background here, we met around two and a half months ago on Tinder, and started a relationship a few weeks after that. We go to separate schools but live close enough that it's not a problem to see her whenever I want, and vice versa.
Really, the relationship is going great. I like her, and while I obviously don't speak for her, it does seem that she likes me.
I guess to be complete, I'll include this: I was a virgin before I met her. She wasn't, and we've had sex a bunch since we started dating. The sex too is good, obviously for me and I think for her as well.
The reason I want to break up with her is I just know that I'm not going to marry her. She's great, but I see this as a fun relationship that will at maximum end after college (a year and a half more for me). Also, she has a few personality traits that get on my nerves. I attribute this more to us being slightly incompatible (or me being a jerk) rather than her being annoying, but the effect on me is the same.
I want to clarify that I did genuinely get into this relationship for the right reasons (I liked her, love of my life and all that), but now that I see this isn't going to a permanent thing I feel inclined to cut my losses and move on.
I don't want to break up with her without having a genuine reason why, as I still very much enjoy being with her. I'm just afraid that I'm going to sink so much time into her that I won't want to end it.
On the other hand, if I don't break up with her, am I just using her for intimacy when we could both be looking for more compatible partners?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
VzWVWvdF2AQFlEO9NhGYg22PxKacdnz8
|
a6ds7h
|
{
"description": "refusing to take my girlfriend to a concert after she invited me and then uninvited me",
"pronormative_score": 34,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For refusing to take my girlfriend to a concert after she invited me and then uninvited me?
|
TL;DR at the bottom.
Ok so... I’ve been with my girlfriend now for almost 4 years and things are great. We have our ups and downs but hey who doesn’t.
Recently she invited me to go to a concert with her in a town that’s 4 hrs away, I said of course I would go and everything was fine, we booked tickets, parking, etc. (our plan was to drive down and back home straight after the concert) flash forward 4 months to 2 weeks before the concert and she turns around and says I can’t go anymore because she wants to go with her other girlfriends, so I’m like that’s cool, I’ll just stay home.
But she asks me if I will drive her and her friends down to this concert 4 hrs away, then sit in the car and wait in the car park for her for another 4 hrs and then drive 4 hrs home. I say no and she looses her mind, saying that I’m a horrible boyfriend and why won’t I take her down to this concert and sit in the car, in a car park and wait for 4 hrs with nothing to do.
She goes on being cranky at me for a week about it until eventually I give in and say I’ll drive her and wait, but her and her friends have to chip in for fuel. But then she gets cranky all over again saying no. I “offered” to take her so I should pay the fuel.
So now I’m sitting in a car park, it’s 8pm. I’ve been here since 6pm wondering. AITA?
TL;DR - My girlfriend of 4 years invited then uninvited me to a concert and then expected I drive her 4 hrs there, wait 4 hrs then drive 4 hrs back
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 33,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 34,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
z8M4zHwAhP09BdF9x0RaYPnaStYZXSEA
|
b69pey
|
{
"description": "honking (and holding the horn) at people who cut me off at a 4 way intersection",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for honking (and holding the horn) at people who cut me off at a 4 way intersection?
|
I send my sister to her university (we live 10 minutes away) every day. I drop her off/pick her up at a drop off/pick up area located at a 4 way intersection. The 4 way intersection's traffic mainly goes "left and right" if you were to look at it from above. No one ever goes to the "top" and the only people who go to the "bottom" are people dropping off and picking up. I enter the drop off area from the left. After dropping off or picking up my sister, I am almost always stuck for a good 2 to 3 minutes waiting for a left turn due to a mixture of pedestrian traffic and cars running stop signs. I always give pedestrians the right of way. If a car going "left to right" cuts me off when I have right of way to make a left turn, I will hold my horn at them until I finish my turn. Most of the time I notice that they aren't even paying attention to the fact that there might be cars waiting at the drop off area. Am I an asshole for doing this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
3C9CvbrKJep0FS8ddFKHuIl0iuFBtO5H
|
apcvab
|
{
"description": "being angry at my roommate for kicking out my friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for being angry at my roommate for kicking out my friend?
|
My roommate and I share a studio apartment and we’ve gotten along perfectly until this.
So I have this friend. We met maybe 2 months ago and only became closer a month ago. We spent half an hour to an hour together every day and he REALLY liked our place so he was here a lot. Didn’t live here necessarily but he was around. We were never loud or disruptive, he never ate food that didn’t belong to him, never made a mess. He helped with chores once in a while.
He usually honestly hangs out in our bathroom since he really likes darkness and humidified air but he is totally fine with my roommate coming and going as needed.
The other day my roommate went into the bathroom and SCREAMED upon spotting my friend. I wasn’t home at the time but when I came back my friend was nowhere to be found and I haven’t seen him since.
So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
bn9m03Fg3W2gIaIZU1ROZGPHjFhnp5OD
|
asf7qd
|
{
"description": "telling one of my friends that two of my other friends ripped into him this weekend",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for telling one of my friends that two of my other friends ripped into him this weekend
|
So I am currently a college student, and we had a three day weekend. A couple of friends and I decided to head to one of their houses so that way we could go see a hockey game. One of my friends is roommates with one of my really good friends, and he was complaining about living with him. The complaints slowly turned into them just ripping into the man, and were just downright hurtful. Sadly, I participated in some of the comments and didn't make any attempt to stop them. Finally fed up with all of the comments, I told my friend what they said about him and told him what I said also. I then proceeded to call those two friends out, and they are now not talking to me anymore. They also told me to grow up. Did I do the right thing or wrong thing? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 12
}
|
WRONG
|
JaHNj8x25zMRqMJxtWBbwx6frLfMBCXv
|
arrb0i
|
{
"description": "getting mad at a friend for not caring about my safety",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
aita for getting mad at a friend for not caring about my safety.
|
so me and a friend decided we wanted to plan a trip somewhere, we decided to pick some places we liked and then sit down and pick the best one.
I picked paris and Japan.
she then tells me she wants to travel to Africa, I tell her I would rather not as I'm lesbian and parts of the country want gay people dead, she then brushes it off like it's not a big deal.
I then tell her that we could choose paris or Japan instead and she gets mad saying that me going to Africa is not a big deal and that she wants to see the African wildlife.
I told her that she would have to see it without me or find someone else in our friend group as I wont go, and now I'm the asshole.
aita?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
ThbtA0P6V6psB2hcGvRYkFX1LJgk7AdD
|
ata5un
|
{
"description": "not telling this guy I'm not interested in him anymore",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for not telling this guy I’m not interested in him anymore
|
we dated for s couple months last year and then I ended things with him because I wasn’t ready for a relationship and it was all too overwhelming. Now we’re friends again and talk, he always asks about my day and me and is genuinely a nice guy. I know he still has feelings for me, he took me out on Valentine’s Day and spent a lot of money on me an also takes me out to the movies and dinner often, granted I pay for some of the times as well so I’m not using him to get anything. I am wondering if I am the asshole for not telling him I most likely am not interested but I’m not even sure because I don’t know what I want. We’re only 21. When we first started talking again I felt like it could work out and I told him that but I didn’t tell
Him that I now feel differently. I don’t want a relationship and do not like him like that or even as a friend anymore but feel awful to hurt his feelings so I still invite him to hang out with me and my friends and still hang ok with him (not very often anymore).
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
81UoAHWNLKE4jbziXPKdbUikqzjIEwd7
|
b95r8d
|
{
"description": "refusing to donate sperm for my sister and her wife",
"pronormative_score": 264,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA for refusing to donate sperm for my sister and her wife?
|
Background, I'm 25, my sister is 30 and her partner is also 30. Obviously, my sister is a lesbian. I am also gay (how lucky are our parents haha) We are extremely close, always have been, she's always been there for me and want the best for her. So my sister got married to her partner last year. I'm obviously happy for them and hope they achieve everything they want together, but recently I got caught in a dilemma. During a dinner I was invited to, big sis told me that she wants to start a family, and asked me to donate sperm so they could get pregnant (I'm just gonna emphasise here, the sperm would be going into my sister in-law, NOT my sister). To her this was the best idea, since this way their baby would have both their genes, just a roundabout way of ensuring that they're both biologically related to the kid. She went on about how this'll be perfect and how she'd be so grateful if I helped her, I think in her mind, I of course would say yes.. but I'm really, uncomfortable with the whole idea. I thought about it intensely overnight, and I hate it.
It's not that I don't want her to have kids or think she shouldn't. She'd be a great mom, but, I also have a huge desire to have kids one day. I really wanna be a dad, and the thought of being the father of a child that is being raised by another couple, while I'm just left with the status of uncle.. really hurts. If I'm gonna father a child, I wanna be 100% involved in the kids life, I wanna experience fatherhood, in all its ups and downs, that's my dream. I know it sounds silly and also counters the whole gay thing, trust me I had huge issues with accepting my sexuality because of that, but that's how I feel. And I know I could donate sperm now and still have children of my own later on, I'd probably say yes to her request if I already had a kid, but I don't. I might never have the chance to be a dad in my life, since adoption is a strict, lengthly and expensive process, and surrogacy isn't legal in my country (but ivf for lesbian couples is). Its probably a bunch of stupid reaaons, but to me, never having children hurts less than having a child that I won't be a dad to.
So, I said no to her, and it pretty much blew up in my face. She's calling me selfish and unreasonable. I explained how I feel but she's accusing me of being jealous of her, of internalised homophobia, and pretty much denying her a family. She's really upset with me and I hate making her cry like that. I'm sure she didn't mean a lot of what she said, but I guess the parts about me being selfish and unreasonable are kinda true, since, I have an infinite supply of sperm and can still have kids and she only needs a sample. Maybe I am just being an unreasonable dick for rejecting her in her time of need and after all she's done for me. Logically I think I should put my feelings aside..
Am I just being an unreasonable asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Abd0LhBO9Y3It60LZmg8dIioM5E85gOF
|
b5eud0
|
{
"description": "not apologizing after cutting the line at a tank station",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For not apologizing after cutting the line at a tank station.
|
This just happened by the way.
Okay, so by reading the title you probably think that I´m the asshole. But let me explain, I had to tank at a tank station I don't know very well. Apparently there was one person waiting in front of me but I thought he was not in line. Eventually when I was tanking he takes the pump next to me and says 'Do you always do that?' in a very angry tone, I answer with 'I didn't know you were waiting in line'. Just as I was about to apologize he then says that I should get myself checked out and that I'm not really a man, he was really angry and made some hand gestures. I told him not to stress out so much about a small thing and drove off. If he would've just gone to me before I was tanking and told me that he was waiting in line than I would've let him go first. But since he started off rather angry I kept my place.
Am I the asshole?
​
(I know this situation isn't really that big but I he really seemed to think that I was an asshole)
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
4xgdbSh81Eduy4v2mAcJHSw6mZ5K8wuW
|
attrz9
|
{
"description": "resenting my partners desire to control the finances",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for resenting my partners desire to control the finances?
|
Obligatory “I’m on mobile” preface.
My partner and I are not married, however we have been together for upwards of 6 years now and have started to really get into very serious discussions about the future. I’m 24 and she is in her late 20s for context. I am currently still in school pursuing a professional degree with a future annual income of $200k+ assuming I do decently well in my courses. She has a degree and currently is in a position where she makes <$30k but she is very happy.
I have always been supportive of her career choice as it’s exactly what she wants to do. I have no issues with contributing significantly more to the communal pot and understand that, once married, this is shared money. However occasionally I will talk about the 2 nice rewards I’ve planned for myself after paying off my debt. (Added together they cost <$40k and I don’t see them as unreasonable or unnecessarily spendy in a “just to show I have money” way).
When we discuss these, she always belittles them and tries to steer me away from them, continually asserting that “this is exactly why she will be in charge of the finances”. It irks me but hey, I’ve grown used to it.
What really rubs me the wrong way is that she knows absolutely nothing about finances or anything other than simple depreciation in cars and similar items. Despite this, when I showed her the hotel I wanted to stay in for a honeymoon or big vacation, she said it would be too much and would be a waste of money. Am I an asshole for feeling really resentful of the way she tells me I will be able to use my future income? Or, in the inverse, is this an indication that I will grow resentful over time if she’s not contributing and still controlling?
I’ve told her I’m perfectly happy with her being a SAHM if she would like, as she wants several children. She likes the idea but doesn’t want to be responsible for cooking if I end up taking more hours to afford that. I just feel like there’s a lot of take and not much give. She’s so kind and has offered to help pay off my debt with her savings (something I don’t intend to accept whether we’re married or not) but I just feel like it’s been such a sensitive topic when my career path and success thus far should point towards the exciting exotic life I’ve imagined..
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
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abn5wn
| null |
AITA Fight with brother
|
So I had a bit of a fight with my older brother. I went over and stayed at his place. In the morning I was ordering pizza and wanted to order two so asked him to pick toppings for the second one. He knows I don't really eat or like much meat and right away he wants to put beef ( this is mostly because he wants his wife to eat the pizza who he treats like a princess amd always tries to make sure everything is her way). I said no as I don't want meat pizza but he can order anything else. He refused and didn't even want the pizza anymore. When I asked him to come with me to pick up the pizza he made an excuse he needs to feed the baby which his wife said she can do so he is free to go with me but he still didn't. So I went got the pizza, came back to his place and ate it and left the rest. While packing up to leave because I wanted to leave as he was obviously mad at me, I took my ps4 back which I was keeping at his house to let him play bf5. I feel bad for taking it but I knew we probably would have a fight last a couple of weeks and I wanted to play in the meantime. He has a lot of off time currently as he has quite some time off from work and gets bored while I work in the office 8 to 5.
Was I mean for taking the ps4 and who is at fault?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
Vl54VeHl7jPoBP8SGBjd3MQkPKA7rnad
|
aj9vx9
|
{
"description": "opening the door for my roomies friend at 12:30am",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for opening the door for my roomies friend at 12:30am?
|
$jason = my roomie
Me and $jason live in a 2 bedroom basement, each with our own room and mine is closer to the door.
I'm a working freelancer, and he was doing odd jobs until he recently got a job with more typical work hours.
So we both have (had) odd hours and are usually up very late, I would often hear him up at 4-5am. Since he got that new job he has obviously been on a more regular sleep schedule.
So last night I'm sitting in my room getting stoned and doing some computer work and I hear knocking on the door. after the 2nd knock and $jason doesn't get it (I'm not expecting anyone), I open the door and it's his friend. He's looking for $jason. I tell him I have no idea if he's home (or sleeping), I haven't seen him today. He knocks on his door and I kind of go back to doing my own thing and then he leaves. Some time later this guy knocks on the door again and I let him in. He inquiries about him, I tell him I still have not heard anything, knocks on his door and then leaves.
Sometime later I hear $jason come out of his room, I open my door and tell him that his friend came by. He was very pissed and says yeh thanks for waking me up. He asks why would I let someone in at 12:30am?
I shoot back that I'm not gonna get mixed into his business and it's up to him to tell his friends not to come by after midnight (or whatever time).
My feelings are that I don't know if he's expecting a friend, or would be happy to see someone or wouldn't. I don't want to care about that. If someone knocks on my door I will answer it, and if its someone that I recognize and have seen here before with $jason, I don't see a reason to not let him in. I was also totally oblivious to the time when this happened (as I said, I was high).
Now all of this is obviously unless he specifically tells me, never let in anyone after whatever time. I can respect that.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
b3ruof
|
{
"description": "telling my sister's boyfriend he's not \"family\"",
"pronormative_score": 42,
"contranormative_score": 22
}
|
AITA for telling my sister’s boyfriend he’s not “family”?
|
My sister has been dating this guy for less than three months. My personal feelings are that he’s an idiot. I mean he’s young (either late teens or early twenties, idk) so it’s understandable. I was an idiot back then too. My problem with him is that he’s made some dangerous choices with my sister involved. He wrecked his truck with her in it driving drunk. He also took my sister around this ex felon that everyone in town knows is scary dude just so he could buy some “pot” if it was really pot. The guy sells a lot more than pot. He’s definitely not someone I want knowing or getting close with my sister.
Despite that, it’s her choice who she dates so I’ve kept my opinions to myself until now. I think he mistook politeness for friendship or something. He’s shown up at my apartment to hang out. When I visit my mom’s and he’s there he will basically attache himself to my hip. Most annoying of all he started calling me brother and fam. I know those aren’t always specifically referring to actual family, but it’s just what it’s felt like.
It really got under my skin quickly. The last time he did it I told him, “You’re not my family. You’re the guy my sister is dating for now.” He just said “alright” and I walked away.
He’s just trying to be friendly and get close with his girlfriend’s family, I understand that. It felt like it was time for a reality check on our relationship though. I probably pissed my sister off in the process, I haven’t heard from her since it happened.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
b4z26u
|
{
"description": "no longer wanting to work on my relationship with parents",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for no longer wanting to work on my relationship with parents?
|
I am 25, English of Pakistani background with not particularly traditional parents.
&#x200B;
Growing up - parents had a terrible relationship. Dad had a high paying job and a daily alcohol habit. He would force us to study for exams many years ahead and heavily restrict us because a lot of things he perceived as "dangerous" and distracting. His restriction meant that I was really timid. Wasn't allowed to go to parties or near alcohol, I turned down most social invitations. He was angry - I'd get hit a lot and verbally insulted every day. But he cared a lot for me and worked very hard for me - worked 24h/day sometimes accumulating a large "trust fund" for us. I'm not allowed to use the money but it is there for the long term. The reason he was so stressed is because he wanted us to do well - probably at the cost of a happy childhood which it seems he must not have prioritised over long term happiness. I was still miserable most of the time.
Left for uni, had a great time. Finished uni, I have a free flat provided by work. I chose to return and live with my parents because it was expected of me and I would feel guilty otherwise. They have nothing else and devoted themselves to us. However I am miserable.
Generally I just don't talk to my dad all. I just don't feel like he's a friend, just this authoritarian figure. And casual conversation is difficult with him. I feel like exposing myself to him even by being my natural self would make me vulnerable.
The house is in need of renovation and he gets angry that I don't do this. I'm not happy most of the time and don't feel like it. I wish it could be easier. I feel like my life needs to revolve around what dad will think. I don't feel free to do what I want. He's still restrictive about drinking etc. Luckily I very rarely drink but I'd like freedom to make that decision. I chose to move away for work next year. Stressed about choosing where to live because I know dad will have a problem with what I want. When I applied elsewhere initially he ordered me not to then called me selfish when I insisted and didn't speak to me for a week or so. Later (after I applied) he said he would support me.
I frequently anger him e.g. spending weekends away with very short notice, spending most of my time in my room and not doing the house / interacting with him. When I've tried to talk it through he doesn't respond until he wants the dispute to end. It feels very intimidating, honestly I feel a pit of negative energy initiating these interactions.
I've just become more and more withdrawn. I can't be bothered to make any effort to interact genuinely with him. I just want to move away so hopefully I can find my own feet and be happy. But they did so much for me and still care for me very much, the guilt is phenomenal.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
akvxbv
|
{
"description": "being pissed off at a friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being pissed off at a friend
|
Sorry will be a bit long.
I have a friend I'll call C. She started at my work a few years after me and knew noone in town. I introduced her to 99% of her friends here, we are very close and have worked together for several years now. Shortly after meeting her, I introduced her to another close friend of mine I will call D. D is from the same country as C. They become friends and hang out etc.
D and C fight on and off over the years. D becomes very bad at keeping in contact with us. When C got married last year, D pitched a shit fit because D expected her daughter to be a flowergirl and C said yes, but asked that D keep her daughters hair long until the wedding so it would be in keeping with the bridesmaids etc. D also cracked it because C said while the kid could be flowergirl, no children were to come to the reception . Plenty of warning was given to allow for childcare etc. D refused to come and made a bullshot excuse for not attending the hens night.
All through this I listened to C vent and get upset, I offered support and all that. She tells me she wants nothing to do with D anymore, deletes her off socials and everything.
Fast forward to now. I am really keen to go to a museum exhibit 2 hours away from home. C says yep she will come with. Day before, she messaged me saying she couldn't come because she was having problems with her husband and they were going to stay home that weekend and work on it. I said that was all good, told her I was here for her etc. I checked in over that weekend to make sure she was ok.
One week later, guess what pops up on the book of faces. D tagging C in a post about how they went to that exhibit and has a great day.
AITA for being pissed at C? I am 99% sure she lied about having problems to get out of coming with me because she knew I couldn't 'get mad' at her for that. I feel like she suddenly made up with D and decided to ditch me so they could go the following weekend. C can be pretty immature and dramatic. I wouldnt put it past her to lie about it.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
PI2mflGUpM7Ri80lDTCJgd1ipfpy2YTa
|
b8ua4x
|
{
"description": "sometimes not tipping",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for sometimes not tipping?
|
On mobile so formatting might get messed up.
I understand that at sitdown restaurants it is courtesy to tip, and I make sure to give a good 20% tip every time I go to them, but here are some situations that I ran into last week that make me question whether I should always tip.
1. I got $3.50 bubble tea, and saw the barista make it in 30 seconds right in front of me, and when I swipe my card I get an option to tip. I saw no reason to tip.
2. This happened in another, similarly priced bubble tea place. After filling out $0 as the tip in the receipt the waitress looked at the receipt, frowned, and then proceeded to make the bubble tea. It took 2 minutes to make and I walked up to the counter to pick it up, as all customers do. I dont think such service calls for a tip.
3. I ordered a takeout udon bowl at a normally sitdown restaurant, and it was ready in 3 minutes. Because no one waited me and all that happened was an order was filled out, I dont think I need to fill out a tip.
AITA for not paying tips in these scenarios?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 8,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
iucYRdRyGnVGPRucSsCKrWzQ6hsWjP4v
|
9yp1qs
|
{
"description": "breaking up due to lack of texting and communication",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA - Breaking up due to lack of texting and communication
|
Funny how i found this subreddit after breaking up with my "girlfriend"
So From the start
I'm a 20 yo m and never had a "real" relationship, kissed girls and hooked up, but not a "real" relationship and thats something I wish I could have honestly but anyway
I've been on Tinder for a while and things go ok but usually just chat with some girls is all, until one day in Early October I meet this girl and we hit it if off pretty well and the next day we ended up meeting for a date to the movies, and it was perfect we ended up making out in an empty theater showing venom. Week later, go out again to a day in the city, and date 3 was her just coming along with me to do some errands. Within the span of about two - three weeks it felt perfect, too perfect. We texted back everyday until little by little we would slowly stop.
So the first week passes were we wouldnt text each other, I was busy with work and school and I knew she was going through the same, so when Saturday came i asked her how she was doing and of course just saying how I missed her and that we should get together soon. Slowly but surely it went from heart filled and monkey emojis into just talking. She had work that day and asked where was her job so that I could actually stop by a perhaps bring her some food and snacks to cheer her up and see her for an hour. But I didn't get a text back and a few days pass. I send a goodmorning text saying im sure youre busy but I hope you have a great day and please just get back to me when you can. I had assumed something had happened that she had to worry about, great thats fine I thought. Then another 5 days pass nothing back.
After a week and half of having some texts ignored I thought it was just weird how she wouldnt even send a text saying hey sorry ive been busy but ill text you soon. or cant talk rn right.
So after two weeks early nov she writes back "in class". I was kind of surprised I got a text back. Finally we're catching up a little but it just didn't feel the same as before. I've been wanting to see her again but feels like she didn't have the time.
Then another week passes and I felt kind of left behind, thinking here I am texting her asking to see her to, but im not even good enough to be left on seen apparently, and I see her having fun with friends on social media too in between.
I think if anyone has responsibilities they should be taken of sure, but all I wanted was a text back, was that too much to ask?
A few hours ago I check snap and see that her icon is gone and I cant see her, I thought she had blocked me and just moved on ghosting me.
Confused and upset honestly I text her saying I wish her good luck and to take care, I never wanted to yell at her or blame her I guess
She replies saying how I had just assumed she blocked me instead of texting her to ask. Yet here I was texting her for the past 3 weeks, how was I supposed to know if or if not im even blocked. After an argument she says "you're free"
I've had bad experiences in the past before and honestly I didnt want to fall in love but I really did like her and thought for once in my life I could start a real relationship and be happy, but as I think from my lack of dating experience maybe theres something im missing here. Is it normal for couples to not text for 3 weeks? for one in a relationship to be only one texting the other?
I feel used, like I was just a guy to take her on dates at the start, when she wanted it, but then ignored when she didnt care but I did. Just want to know if Im the asshole, what should I do to change. Was I pushy? I feel like a text back takes
just seconds but I dont know. feel kind of pathetic but I know ill move on and be fine.
&#x200B;
**TLDR**; start relationship with nice girl, three dates go perfect, cute texts slowly turn into normal conversations and then just words back to back; text her then my texts get ignored, argue, break up
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
GRGIqLTzZCowQZb2BpXFSWXUY9QhKjIN
|
b3dmsz
|
{
"description": "yelling at my father to flush the goddamn toilet",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for yelling at my father to flush the goddamn toilet?
|
My dad has a bad habit of not flushing (number one only, always flushes number two) which I personally find disgusting. This morning I finally snapped and yelled at him to come flush the goddamn thing. He in turn was pissed off, and said he's trying to save money by not flushing.
I just stood there in shock for a moment because really, THAT'S the reason? Whipped out my phone and googled that flushing costs less than a cent. He was even angrier and said that we always need to try and save. Then it clicked, this is why he always has the thermostat down and only turns lights on when it's so dark as not to see anything. I fired back that he goes out for lunch three times a week and there are far better ways to save money than with utilities.
Anyways, my mother said later that I was out of line, it's not hurting anyone, and it's his money to save. I really don't think flushing is an unreasonable standard. Reddit?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
2ygfzCrBkzzMiSyGjsBKr4mT5rcMR4G0
|
b33bbg
|
{
"description": "cooling down the relationship to a full stop because she was jelous of her friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for cooling down the relationship to a full stop because she was jelous of her friend?
|
Hello reddit!
Recently (4 months ago) for the first time in my life a girl actually likes me!
She striked the conversation first too!
So its been time, we havent ever actually met but being my first time in some kind of a relationship i am attached and i need help, we got into a fight for what seems to me is very immature from her side, i dont know what to do!
It has been 2 days (instagram says 1, maybe because it hasnt been full 48 hours) since the last time i talked to her and im sad and absolutely becoming put down.
Now the catch is that i have to go to the capital where she lives on a car show and i plan on telling her so she can come and we can meet up, but my friend says its a bad idea and i should just send a selfie to her when im there and tell her "guess who is in your hometown"
But if i do that she might not be able to come because of her things she has to do, so i plan on messaging her in friday and telling her about the trip to her town so she can prepare for us to meet
We are fresh in this argument and we havent spoken since monday
I feel terrible, am i the asshole? what could i possibly do to not look desperate or not to ruin anything ?
Conversation pictures: Link
http://imgur.com/a/H3bWZNF
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
njDa4lxBf86ferIoqCJhgw8QnxOyBmwL
|
arugwr
|
{
"description": "being a realist about my girlfriends weight gain",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being a realist about my girlfriends weight gain.
|
So we have been dating for awhile now and my girlfriend has been self conscious of a little weight gain. Maybe like 10lbs. I honestly haven’t even noticed, but she mentions it all the time and how she doesn’t feel good with her body. Her diet consists of mostly Mac and cheese and ramen noodles. When ever she mentions the weight gain, I tell her that she can just change her diet to not eating cheap carbs everyday. I try to be somewhat respectful when I say it too. She then gets mad at me for not lying and saying she hasn’t gained weight. So Reddit, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
GVvY5XRQFugLaYjqHMDBHyuTP02HKCsS
|
au52h0
|
{
"description": "not wanting to sext my so",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to sext my SO?
|
So, me and me GF don’t really get to talk much, since i move around alot am and pretty busy most of the time. Tonight she messages me asking for me to “talk lewd to her”. Now i generally keep conversations PG with friends, so i dont have any idea what this means i need to do. Plus i’m just not ready for sex yet, and whenever i try to do something like this she always takes it literally and thinks its gonna happen immediately. Tonight i got things like “please? Ill like it” and “IM TRYINA GET OFF” and i just cant do it. What am i expected to do? I don’t know what to say and im just scared for some reason.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "not running after my friend",
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AITA for not running after my friend?
|
It's a pretty long story but I'll post a TLDR on the end of my text. Also please excuse grammar and writing, English is not my first language.
This whole subject started some months ago between me and two of my friends. Let's call them H and F. My friendship to F began because we were roomies and she kind of introduced me to H. Me and H realized over the time that we share a lot of interest, like languages and traveling, sports etc. So we spend most of our free time and also university time together. We wanted to learn new languages like Arabic and French and these are offered at our uni. We always asked F, if she wants to participate or wanted to do something different but she always declined. Then we got the opportunity to study for some time abroad and again F said that she isn't interested in that sort of stuff. I'll come back to that later.. More and more she excludes herself from activities in our group (also with others) and spends more time with her bf, which was okay for us all the time. But she always started arguments about how much we exclude her from our friendship and she feels sad. H and me always tried our best to do other things with her but she used to get pissed when we also talked about our share interests and behaved like we weren't allowed to pursue our hobbies, if she doesn't like them. It escalated when we planned a holiday with our three bfs for next year. When we wanted to start booking F said she doesn't want to go, because she rather wants to go to Japan with her boyfriend alone and needs the money and vacation days for that. Okay for us, but later I told her that I met with the others to plan our vacation she suddenly blocked me and ignored me at school. Her boyfriend told me that she feels excluded again and needs time for herself to be alone for a while. H and me didn't really understand what was going on because she didn't want to go with us and now ignored us and even ran away when we got close to her, so we left her alone and didn't talk to her anymore. Some days later she texts me that I am the worst friend ever and should have known that she needs me although she didn't show it and we should have asked her about our aktivities like the languages and the vacation more often. I'm sorry but how am I supposed to know that I can't read minds?
TLDR
My friend accuses me of excluding her and leaving her alone when she needed me the most, although she ignored me and told her boyfriend she needed time to be by herself.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "ignoring my girlfriend's \"compromise\"",
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AITA for ignoring my girlfriend's "compromise"
|
So I'm now in college and I'm still dating the girl I've been dating for around 3.5 years. She initially had a problem with me living on a co-ed floor even though my roommate was male, but she seemed to let that go by. Now however, she's asking me to not be friends with any girls on the floor or in general.
It seems petty at first, but she repeatedly asks me about certain girls I've mentioned and if I hang out and will sometimes complain that I'm "replacing" her. Now, I call her everyday and text her when I'm not in class or doing work/practice or eating with friends, but she insists that I can't have friends who are girls as its a "compromise" for me going away to college (we're long distance now).
AITA for having female friends (who I have no sexual or romantic interest in) against my girlfriend's wishes if I feel as though it is unfair to me? Whenever I confront her she gets upset over it.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not wanting to watch Game of Thrones with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to watch Game of Thrones with my girlfriend?
|
I’ve never seen the show but from what I’ve heard, it’s got all sorts of horrible stuff in it. Brother/sister relations, killing children, etc. I mean I’m sure the action is cool. But from what I’ve heard it’s all really confusing with all the characters so I just don’t really want to watch it. But she keeps insisting it’s an amazing show and she’s sure I’d love it if I just give it a chance, maybe watch a couple episodes, and I just don’t want to. It sounds like it involves way too much thinking to keep track of everything and I prefer to just relax and not watch stuff that’s too mentally exhausting. So AITA for shutting her down on watching “just a couple episodes” to see if I like it or not (I already know I’m not going to like it, I don’t know why she doesn’t get this). I just don’t see the point of wasting a few hours watching a few episodes of a show I know I’m not interested in.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "not wanting to associate with my brother in law",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
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|
AITA for not wanting to associate with my brother in law?
|
So, Xmas of 2017 my brother in law and I got into a huge fight. He has always been kind of a dick to me but this specific time was my tipping point. We were all drinking, having fun. HE brings up race/white privilege and I welcome the discussion because as a grad student in cultural studies, I study/talk about this shit all the time. Fine. He fancies himself the “devils advocate” in any and all situations. Things get intense and just in time, a friend shows up and he has to get up to grab the door. As he does so, he makes some drunken comment to his friend about me along the lines of “She always says stupid shit and pretends to know what she’s saying” when asked about why we were shouting as they approached the door. This does it for me and I tell him to fuck off, and I go to the guest room to cool off.
I overhear him talking shit about me to his friend, talking about how “he didn’t even try that hard and my whole snowflake worldview came crashing down.” “He has to handle me with baby gloves,” etc. literally nobody else agrees with him, and I come out and mention that I don’t care about the discussion about race because I have them all the time...but I don’t appreciate being belittled. This makes him laugh and continue to be a dick, so I go back to the guest room and that was that.
Now my question is not necessarily about him; most people agree that he’s an asshole...I am mainly concerned with my sister, who is frustrated because I’ve actively avoided him since this event. I understand that she doesn’t want to pick sides between her husband and her sister, and she is the type of person who just wants harmony with everyone. But her husband adds nothing to my life but frustration and I don’t feel like I owe her any more attempts to hang out with them both (this is not the first time he’s been rude to me/we’ve gotten in a big fight).
So, two weeks ago we happened to be in Virginia at the same time randomly (we live in separate states.) she suggested they drive to where my partner and I were on a Sunday because her husband had the day off (he was there for work). I told her the truth, which was that my partner and I wanted alone time. She ended up coming on Monday alone, and she confronted me about why I have been avoiding her husband. When I told her I had no interest in being associated with him she got really upset, and I told her I’d try one more time to hang out with him. But I REALLY want to take that back now because just the thought of interacting with him again gives me anxiety. She wants to bring him to my graduation in May and I don’t want him there.
AITA if I go back on my word?
Thanks in advance.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "being nervous with gf and new coworker",
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AITA for being nervous with gf and new coworker?
|
This woman (Betty) 29F and I (28M) have been dating for 3 months and its been amazing! We have a strong relationship but that has recently been shaken by three exes from her past (all of whom she has blocked).
Recently she got assigned a coworker Ryan at the tool service desk (works in an Engineering Company) because she's been manning it alone and it has gotten super busy.
I was ecstatic about this since she finally gets some support. Her job is support/service and some of the stressful times with terrible people causes her to be emotionally exhausted (lots of ppl take out their frustration on support/service workers) and since Im an engineer at a different company I get it. I once made a joke about "do you not have work friends?"
Well she took my joke a bit seriously and started befriending two dudes that work with her. Ryan is one of them and they work closely for 8 hrs a day. During the stressful moments she'd call me after and she tells me how supportive/helpful I am. Recently she speaks about how helpful Ryan has been. She has mentioned how they've eaten together and she has bought him food and such. In addition, we are watching now an anime Ryan and Jim(another coworker) watch. She also mentioned Ryan has a girlfriend who he is considering proposing to. What recently bothered me is that she buttdialed me twice accidentally and in both calls I heard her and him talking as I just kept saying "hello" and they waited for the shuttle together and chitchatted a lot. She even texted me during the call??
I guess it just bothers me that she is getting closer to a male colleague. She has often lied in the past about related things (she once met an old colleague for a work thing and told me they were just friends, but later it slipped they had a dating history). I realize that she is a female in an engineering firm so she will have to deal with men.
Key point is my trust in her is really low. I guess because of past betrayal, I'm hyper aware and trying to nip anything in the bud before it happens. There is also the fact she has dated or been involved with 3 coworkers/employees from that company before and has lied about it at first or hid texts in the past also make me nervous. She has emotionally cheated early during our dating phase.
This morning I just mentioned that Id like it if she could create some distance between her and her coworker Ryan. Do some combination of: eat less together, put headphones on, socialize less, take breaks away from the desk and walk separately to the shuttle.
When I said all this she seems exasperated and said you wanted me to have friends at work. He's dating someone. She said she'd try to tell me somethings she doesnt like about him. I just replied saying, "Look this is how I feel and I am not accusing you, but would love if you could make an effort to distance yourself and make me feel more at ease."
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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b77e1j
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{
"description": "getting mad about taking my little brother home",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad about taking my little brother home.
|
So I was with my family today and when we were about to leave my sister tells everybody “we can take little brother home”, keep in mind im there with my car and my sister is there with hers. Since my sister said she could take him home, I made plans with friends later tonight. As we are leaving, my sister tells me “OP, you’re taking little brother home right, i have plans with friends. So I tell her I already made plans but she refuses and leaves me there with my little brother, so I end up taking him home. Later I told my sister I would rather her just ask me directly instead of tricking me into it. This got her to tell me “you dont care about family, Hes your little brother. I picked him up from school for four years (got paid the entire time) and you cant take him home once.” Am I being an asshole for being upset with her that she tricked me into taking him home? And i really do care about my little brother, love the little dude to death but my sister tries to make me feel like shit when I say I cant do something for him and always makes me feel like an asshole when i think im being completely reasonable.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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"description": "telling on my coworkers manager why they're out sick all the time? they have IBS and purposely eats trigger foods all the time",
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"contranormative_score": 3
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|
WIBTA if I tell on my coworkers manager why they’re out sick all the time? They have IBS and purposely eats trigger foods all the time
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I have a coworker with IBS. Let’s name coworker ‘IBS’. Me and IBS are somewhat ‘friends’ to put it loosely. IBS randomly told me they have IBS one day over a year ago, have some short discussions about how they’re supposed to manage their condition (avoiding trigger foods). Fast forward a year, IBS is out sick routinely or works from home a lot / takes long breaks (likely in the shitter).
Had a friendly chat today how they are and tells me they are feeling sick and reveals they are not managing their condition well at all, and continues to eat trigger foods. I gave somewhat harsh words about how they’re an adult now and should stop being stupid (not those exact words). I kind of want to let IBS’ manager know what’s up if this continues. This is pretty fucking stupid and IBS is a grown ass adult with an advanced degree. Would I be the asshole if I told IBS’ manager???
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HYPOTHETICAL
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WRONG
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9ya4yu
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{
"description": "not going to my sister's house for Thanksgiving & possibly Christmas too",
"pronormative_score": 5,
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|
AITA for not going to my sister's house for Thanksgiving & possibly Christmas too?
|
A little back story. I am 38f and all my life my mother and I have clashed. She is narcissistic and toxic. It's always about her. She takes any situation and makes it about her. I moved out when I was 16 and I've done well for myself ever since. I have an older sister who is bi-polar and worse than my mother (havent spoken in 5 years) My little sister tolerates Mom because she is the only parent we have left. Dad passed 1.5 years ago. Little sister and I get along pretty well. I'm close with her kids.
My mom is a leech. Always trying to play on peoples emotions and anything she can get for free, she does. Uses guilt, blackmail, what I call "Fake nice" to get what she wants. In other words, if you dont believe the way she does or act the way she wants you to, you are wrong. She takes and takes and takes...and its exhausting. To the outside world she is a good Christian lady, former nurse and all around nice person. This is the furthest from the truth.
Since Dad passed I dont have a reason to "make nice". The last straw is when she called me and said, "I took care of your Dad for years, I dont want his cat. Come get it or I'm taking it to the pound. Today" I told her I needed time to fined a home. (I cant have her-my cat HATES other cats) Thank goodness my friend from out of state was visiting and was able to take my Dad's Cat.
I have 2 other women in my life I call Ma or my 2nd Mom. I dont need my bio mom. I dont want to see her. I am not fighting, haven't spoken to her in months. I called my sister and asked if I could work around her plans for Turkey Day. Come early or later to visit her and my niece and nephew. Or even another day. Her plans do not need to be disrupted because I dont want to see Mom.
Was told I was stupid, get over it, its the holidays and I can make nice for a few hours. Dinner is at One. Be there or not.
I have an offer to got to a friends house, which I think I will do. I will probably go there for Christmas too. (This is my 2nd Mom's family-her daughter has been my best friend for 30 years)
AITA for not "Making nice" because its a holiday? I dont want to see my Mom. I dont want to fight. I am simply just...done.
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HISTORICAL
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as5u3p
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AITA for the way I joke with my boyfriend? He's black and I'm white.
|
So my boyfriend is black and I'm not... We both like to joke around everything and sometimes people think that we are assholes for it.
When Trump won the election he got worried and I joked that I would buy him as a slave and keep him around so he didn't have to worry.
It became our thing to joke about him being my slave but we only joked about it between us in private.
So we were with friends and I asked for a piece of cake so I could "feed my boyfriend" and I said that I cared for him very well.
Some people got uncomfortable, I told my girlfriend about our joke and she said IATA.
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HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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b2980x
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{
"description": "expecting my mom to pay for my crossfit",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for expecting my mom to pay for my crossfit?
|
Ive been going to the gym for about two years. I am supposed to go at least twice a week but lately I just can’t motivate myself to go outside anymore. I decided to switch it up and try crossfit instead. I thought it would be better for what I need and what fits my goals best.
I told my mom that I wanted to go to crossfit instead and she seemed fine with it. She asked me about the price and I told her it costs 100 Danish kr more than fitness. She changed her mind on the spot and told me it was too expensive. I got quite iritated. I calmed down and asked if I could pay her the price difference. For some reason she said no. I don’t get this. She wouldn’t loose any money. I asked her why? And she told me just not to argue with her. I really wanted to know why so I insisted on an answer. She got really anoyed. She said I would have to pay the full price. The full price is 389kr. I can’t afford that. I said that I would stick to fitness instead then. But she told me she didn’t want to pay for that now either. Of cause I asked why. Same response. She told me she would pay for 200kr. I don’t get why she changed it. I have a job but still though. She had no reason not to pay. I know she can afford it. She has for two years and nothing has changed.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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|
aoyhym
|
{
"description": "being intensely irritated with my neighbours",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being intensely irritated with my neighbours
|
So, a little backstory: I own a house in a pretty quiet neighbourhood a city of about 10,000 people. I have a shared driveway with the house next to mine. The house next door was previously a rental property. When I moved in about 3 years ago, there was a relatively quiet family with older kids living there. They were fine, I liked them. Later on it was rented by a single person who had fifteen or twenty 5-minute visitors per day. I was mildly concerned something illegal may have been going on there, but there was never any drama so I left them alone. Then a young couple moved in. They had the odd party but for the most part, no problems.
Then one day, about 8-9 months ago, the house fell vacant and a for-sale sign went up. The owners stopped by the place every couple of weeks but there was next to no activity. It was quite nice, very quiet, and I’m afraid to say I kind of got accustomed to the peace and quiet of having that house vacant.
But about two months ago, that for-sale sign came down and some new folks moved in. I have attempted to introduce myself but never received more than a grunt from any of them. From what I can tell so far, there are 3 men between the ages of 25-35. I’ve seen others, but only 3 regularly so I believe the other guys must be friends or members of a club or something. They have two large, noisy, diesel trucks which tend to sit idling in the driveway for hours at a time. When it’s just the Duramax running it’s not that big a deal, but the Cummins rattles my windows. They also have a couple trailers and about 6 snowmobiles.
I don’t know what they do for a living because from what I can tell, all they do is take their snowmobiles out. Maybe they’re snowmobile mechanics or part of a local snowmobile racing club or something, because I can’t find any other rhyme or reason for the sheer amount of loading and unloading they do.
Every day since they moved in, they have loaded and/or unloaded snowmobiles at least once a day. Sometimes it's 3 or 4 times a day, particularly on weekends. This usually involves several guys hollering at each other, the revving of the snowmobiles, the idling of a diesel, and plenty of scraping and grinding noises. It’s not too bad when they do it on the street but when they’re in the driveway it’s right outside my bedroom window and they often come within inches of my vehicle, often crossing onto my side of the driveway to get around their truck. Sometimes they do this in the middle of the day, which is fine - but sometimes it’s 11pm... midnight... 2am... 4am. It wakes me up. This also seems to be affecting my neighbours across the street – there’s a young family in one house and a very sweet elderly gentleman next to them, and i’ve seen lights come on at their houses as well when these disruptions occur at night. I’ve considered going over to talk to them about this, see if it bothers them as much as it bothers me. However, i would hate to be a nosy, meddlesome neighbour. I like this neighbourhood for the most part and i don’t want to create problems with anyone.
Part of me wants to confront them about why they load and unload their machines so often. Why not just leave it on the truck if they’ll be taking it out again the next day, or later that same day? They aren’t even putting them in the garage, they’re just putting them in their unlocked backyard. It’s no safer there than it is on the truck or trailer, so it’s not a security thing. They generally don’t leave again with the empty truck after they remove the machine, so it’s not for the sake of taking the weight off the truck so they can use it for something else. I just cannot comprehend why they do this.
I’ve tried to introduce myself, as i mentioned earlier, but have had no luck doing so. They disregard me entirely when i wave to them or say hello. I want to talk to them, i want to understand why they do this, but i can’t seem to get into a conversation with them and i would hate to be overly confrontational. No one else in the neighbourhood has confronted them either, as far as i can tell, which makes me wonder if maybe I’m being overly sensitive about this.
I live alone, and I never have visitors, so hearing disturbances around my house tends to make me nervous. I moved here from a bigger city with a much higher crime rate, and I had some bad experiences there so I do tend to be a bit overly cautious about people. I'm afraid to say I spend a little more time staring out my window at people than I probably ought to. It's possible that I may be perceived as being a bit odd or paranoid.
I’ve considered calling in a noise complaint when they’re doing this at night, but i would hate to spark bad blood with them. I don’t know if they’re renting from the new owner, or if they own the place. If they own it, i have to deal with them for as long as i own my home or as long as they own theirs, so i really don’t want to make an enemy here.
Part of me wonders if i’m just the bitchy, grumpy, fun-crushing neighbour who won’t stop staring out her window. “Get off my lawn”, and all that. Since the family across the street with young kids haven't complained, and the elderly fella hasn't complained, is it possible that i'm just being overly contrary?
**So, TLDR; AITA for wanting my neighbours to be stop running vehicles and loading snowmobiles all the time? Have i become an old, grumpy lady at 26?**
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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9zglje
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{
"description": "letting a friend know that their group is being infiltrated by cops",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 24
}
|
AITA for letting a friend know that their group is being infiltrated by cops?
|
I am a law abiding citizen, always have been and always will be. However, I do have a friend who has been involved in aspects of organised crime and met up with him about a month ago.
I am aware that he has been involved in certain criminal activities, processing goods and such. It is not my business and I have never pryed further. Although, I stay on the side of the law, I have no great regard for the police and no certainly desire to aid them.
So recently, my friend shows me a picture of the group he hangs out with (they did a paint balling session). One of the faces I recognise, as I have organised deliveries (I am involved with logistics) as being a police officer.
I tell my friend this, and say that it seems somehow a police officer has got into their group and say nothing more. Maybe, the cop is just a friend and not undercover but I feel my friend should be informed.
My friend is surprised but thanks me for the information. We leave and won't see each other again till next Spring.
Since, I am not involved in organised crime or any crime in fact. I see this as just one friend informing another and nothing more.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
po3lwk8oEpeNd6yggPiVUJnaAlLYCwzF
|
acuger
|
{
"description": "not wanting a job",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting a job?
|
right now, i’m 16 years old going on 17 in a couple months. my ex (who is also my best friend) is 18, and has been telling me repeatedly for the past couple months to get a job. this has made me feel super annoyed, because i feel like i don’t need one. i’m middle class, i have a roof over my head, and there is nothing else i really want. he told me the reason why he wanted me to get a job was because he has one, and that combined we would “have a lot of money”, which i feel like is not true, because he makes around $200-$400 every payday. i have told him that i don’t need money right now, and that i just wanna chill before i actually do have to get a job, but he still tells me that it would be helpful if i got one. i keep telling him no, and he tells me it makes him upset. i have no clue how that would be helpful to me, because i don’t want anything right now, and i feel like i’m fine with my current situation. i have considered getting a job before, but ultimately i felt like it was useless for now. it’s my life, i should do whatever i feel like doing unless it’s illegal, right? i just need to know, AITA?
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"description": "platonically talking to my best friends ex with him",
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AITA for platonically talking to my best friends ex with him? (WARNING: wall of text)
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I have a friend, Andrew, who I've been amazing with for about 7 years. He and I had a pretty good friend in Ellie, his former girlfriend, and eventually we stopped talking because they had a nasty breakup and she decided it would be best not to talk to me because I'm his best friend and that would be fucked.
Later on down the road, about two years later (this all happened yesterday), we ran into her while getting pizza for a party. What I expected to be a situation where I had to do damage control for my bro turned into everyone reconciling and making amends, with EVERYONE involved apologizing and wanting to make nice. In short, Andrew, his ex, and I are now talking again and shit feels pretty cash.
In comes the problem: the night that we ran into Ellie, we go back to the party and explain what had happened to the two friends we had there who knew Ellie and all the drama that occurred between her and my best friend. One of them, Sam, doesn't like that she is making nice with him and recommends that he leave her alone cause she is basically a snake in the grass waiting to strike. I talk to my best friend about it and tell him he ought to do whatever he wants, but from the fact that she looked really uncomfortable talking to us (their breakup was pretty bad, with their last interaction being one where he told her to quit talking shit about him) at the pizza place and took the time to talk to us and even gave us a hug showed that she cared bout us still and with that knowledge, putting a good end to that relationship, at the very least, wasnt a bad idea. We agree to talk, with differing goals: Andrew to get a feel for what he wants and I to start being friends with her as soon as possible.
So I'm texting Ellie at the party after dropping off Andrew, and Sam hears that I'm texting Ellie at that moment. She makes a passive aggressive remark about how I am being kind of a creep talking to my friends ex and I get incredibly livid and leave after we're done hanging out. I shot her a text asking to talk and told her the next morning that I didnt appreciate her calling me creepy and questioning my intent with my best friend of 7 years and she responded as follows:
"No it's fine, I didnt think you were being creepy, It just didnt seem very cool, like a violation of bro code or something. Obviously you can do whatever you want, but I'm completely against it cuz ik Andrew was really sad about how things happened with her so I feel it would be best to completely leave it all in the past rather than trying to patch it up, and the knowledge of you being buddy buddy with her might actually upset him when he wasn't expecting it to. Idk, it's just how I see it. I don't want Andrew to get hurt. It still hurts me whenever I hear that one of you guys is hanging out with Jacob because theres still a part of me that misses him and is jealous that they get to hang out with him and I dont. And I think that Jean being polite to Andrew wasn't cool at all, it's just stringing him along and giving him hope when she isnt planning on giving him any. Alex did the same
to me, and it just made it so much more worse. Obviously she's probably different than alex and being nice because she thought it was best, but with an ex it's just best to leave it alone and let it stay in the past"
(Context: Jacob is a boyfriend that she had for a few years and broke up with, and Alex is a boyfriend she recently had who she knew for a couple months, of which she dated him for one of those months, and he broke things off. It really crippled her emotionally)
This further frustrates me as it implies I'm putting my best friend in harm's way because I want to be buddy buddy with someone behind his back (he knows and approves of us talking) and he had stated several times he doesnt plan on dating her in any scenario. I talk to Andrew about what to tell her, and after a bit of deliberation, tell her the following:
"He had said a few times that he just wants to squash the beef there, he isnt interested in pursuing anything. And I wouldnt Express interest in someone who is going to fuck with my friends (let alone Andrew), and i wouldnt advise him into a shitty situation.
I do appreciate your concern for him, however. While we both have differing views on what's best for him, I do value that you are bold enough to express what you think is best and care enough to give thought and input into the matter. Again, I dont agree with your take on it, but I do like that with important things in his life you dont just go 'eh, whatever' about and ignore it."
(Context: the last bit was me trying to put a good spin on the situation, as I felt I was being a bit rough about what I was saying, and I've been trying to make her feel more at home in our squad, so I wanted to make it clear that her care, as wrong as I think it is, is appreciated because care is care)
So that leaves me at this: I've been overthinking this whole thing and I feel like I might have been a dickhead SOMEWHERE in all of this. Maybe I'm fucking up in advising him to talk to her, maybe I fucked up in how I talked to Sam, idk. I just feel I fucked up somewhere and want to know where so I can correct it.
AITA in any of this?
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AITA For jokingly calling a 19yo(M) who is dating a 15yo(F) a pedophile?
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I was informed that a dude I know who is my age (19) has been dating a girl 3 years younger than him (she turns 16 in around 3 months (the age of concent in my country)) for about a year now
So I along with a couple of other people jokingly called him a pedophile to his face after which he told me that he has gotten already enough of shit talking from this after which I told him that "maybe you shouldnt diddle kids then" later his girlfriend came to yell at me and the others that three years isnt that much and shes going to be 16 in three months and its not like hes 20 years older or something
Afterwards some people I know have heard of this converstation and Ive been called an asshole by them and Im not sure if my comments were too mean spirited AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b6un7c
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AITA for not letting go of a girl that has ruined me?
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Im 17 , I’ve had a crush on this girl for 3 years. She’s ruined me mentally and emotionally. She is very extraverted, and talks to many guys. She’s told me that she see’s them all as friends. With her being an introvert, Id always get jealous. When I told her I liked her and if she would consider dating (after 1 year of knowing her), she rejected and said it wasnt me, she didn’t want to date in high school. So I decided to wait till the end of school.
I’d been the best person I could to her, I treated her with so much care. But it seemed that she’d never noticed. She’d always hang out with guys that have been assholes to her. I’ve confronted them to her request for treating her like shit. Yet, she’d hang out with them again like they were best friends. Just to clear something, she’s not the slutty type that has sexual needs, she’s quite the opposite and is against things like that. But regardless, Ive never understood this, and my jealousy grew.
I reached my breaking point when she dated a guy she barely knew that had came to our school for a month (after me waiting for 2 years to date her). I felt like all the waiting, treating her with so much care, and fighting the pain of jealousy was useless, I was shattered. She never noticed until I told her the relationship was going to kill me (literally) and I had to distance myself. We both go to a small high school (200 ppl), and we are in all the same classes. So I had to see them together everyday. She got mad at me and told me I wasnt being fair and that she still wanted to be my friend... She didnt help me with my pain and ignored it. A month later they broke up and the guy dated her best friend. I still helped her throughout the breakup. I hated how some random dude could get with her, then proceed to date her best friend, when I’d been my best to her, staying loyal being in a very close relationship with her and her family, and I get this? She told me afterwards she didnt think she hurt anyone when she was with him which completely baffled me. How could a person be so ignorant seeing how much pain their friend could go through. I still liked her, through all my pain and tears and treated her the best I could. She always tells me how she is thankful she has me, and that I am like no one else she’s met, and that I mean so much to her. She’s said shes told me things she’s never told anyone else and that Ive always been with her through her hardest times. But she still hangs out with other people that treat her like shit, and does not seem to care much about me.
I feel like everything she tells me is BS and I am being used. I’ve had so much pain over these years, worst pains of my life. Yet I still like her?? I always wish I never met her and that my feelings for her would end, but my feelings wont go away no matter how hard I’ve tried. Its like a curse that tortures me every single day I see her. Am I the asshole for not letting go of her?
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an33ff
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AITA A yelp review led me to block a best friend
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Hi this is my first post ever so If im doing this wrong let me know. This all started Saturday. I wanna say that when it comes to restaurants I'm a good customer. I don't care if your busy and I always tip 20 percent because thats how my mom raised me. how ever my friend typically hates to tip and is overly critical of wait staff. So I go up to a friends at my old college. I was really looking forward to returning to a favorite bar for dinner. This place doesn't take reservations which I get but they do take call aheads. Before we leave I call to try to get on their waiting list only no one picks up we call two more times just to see still no answer. The automated phone call however says we can go online and put ourselves on the list so I do that. we get a text saying its a half hour wait which is perfect. We drive over an notice the place is packed. Pretty normal on a sat. I walk up and tell the hostess were here and she says she doesnt have us on the list. Confused i show her the text and she looks in her computer again and says the site isnt connected and kinda has an attitude about it. (but like i said its really busy so I bet she was stressed) My friend we will call Stacy goes up and tries to see if there is a spot at the bar. There isnt. she finds this table that doesnt look like a table and tries to get us to sit at it. After our friends point out its probs not a table she then wants to see if she can get a couple to switch with us so we all have room at this point me and my other friend are dying of cringe at the idea of it. I convince her that it is best if we just go somewhere else since its a two hour wait and there really isnt anywhere to wait. As we are leaving Stacy is visably angry she said really loudly next to the poor hostess that is was clear she wasnt sorry (She was) . And I was annoyed as well but not at anyone just the fact thatthe advertised this system that doesnt even work. fast forward to this morning. I was talking about it with my friends and I decided that it might be best to just right a review about the how they shouldnt advertise an online waitlist if it doesnt even connect with your seating computer. And i did. I told my friends i did this and stacy lost her fucking mind. she said why would I do this and it will accomplish nothing and I am making things harder for her because she is a regular there. I start getting more and more annoyed especially considering stacy brags about how she will cause a scene at a restaurant to get what she wants and how she treated the hostess last night. She is getting more and more bitchy about it till I delete the yelp review and then tell her not to talk to me for awhile because i was really mad and felt she was being hypocritical. Instead she tells me she will send me this long ass message about how she feels and her side. At this point I snap. like full on hulk. I jump down her throat tell her not to talk to me and if i cant give my opinion then she can't give hers. (immature i know) I tell her to stop messaging me and not to talk to me and she keeps blowing up my phone so I blocked her number (I have anxiety and the idea that she was just gunna keep pushing was really overwhelming me) I just feel like she has no right to judge me for a review WHICH WAS STILL 3 STARS. if she is gunna behave tlike that am I the ass hole here?
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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abv7nz
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"description": "being mad at my brother's gf for not coming to my other brother's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 1,
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|
AITA for being mad at my brother's GF for not coming to my other brother's wedding?
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There's quite a bit of background and story to this, so I'll try and made a condensed TL;DR at the end.
I am the eldest of 5 siblings, 3 girls and 2 boys. We were raised to value our family and each other, and are quite close due to this.
This past weekend, my first brother finally got married to his SO of 12 years. My second brother was his best man. He was very honored and excited to fulfill this role for our brother.
My second brother has been dating his gf for about 2 years now. They met at the small grocery store where they worked together, and she still works there while my brother has moved on. Mom and my youngest sister, who is very close with this brother didn't like her from the start, claiming she was self centered, gross (due to being a smoker), slutty (because she was known to have sex with her previous bfs), and using him (brother is generous and old school romantic, and frequently helps buy her groceries, helps finance things she wants here and there, and spoils her on her birthday and holidays. AFAIK she reciprocates in kind to him on holidays and his birthday, so in this case I know it's just my mom and sister being judgementaly bitchy). Mom and sis also hate that they're sexually active and that he wants to move in with her after graduating college next year. For the record, I personally don't care, but was a little squicked out when they did it at the house we 3 (me, youngest sis, and second brother) lived at because he has the basement suite (it's fully finished) and it carried up through the vents, so we heard....everything. Other than that awkward instance, I have had no issues with him dating her, or her personally, I think she's perfectly nice, but don't see her often as they prefer to hang out at her place.
So, as stated before, family is very important to all of us 5 kids. We frequently have get togethers for birthdays and holidays, and sometimes everyone goes to mom's house for a meal because she wants to see us. Those with SOs generally bring them along once the relationship starts getting off the ground, which I am lead to believe is generally the norm. The thing is, this young lady barely attends anything. Despite what they say about her when she and brother are not around, mom and sis have never shown any hint of this hostility the few times when she has been. It's a little coincidental too, that when she does come to things it's usually something like Christmas or Easter, when she's guaranteed to get something. When it's something like a meal or a small gathering for a birthday (some siblings live out of state, so who ever is in town usually goes), her "anxiety" flares up and she can't go.
Now, I won't say that she doesn't have anxiety. Many people do. It just seems strange that it prevents her from coming to a meal with people she knows and who go out of their way to make sure everyone is comfortable at the event, and not from her cashier job at a very busy grocery store where the majority of customers will get very pissy if you're not fast enough, or the item won't scan, or what have you. She'll attend work parties and meet friends at bars frequently too with no issue. Again, I'm not saying she doesn't have anxiety, or that it can't apply to the family situations specifically. From an outsider's perspective it simply seems fishy. That, and there was an instance when she claimed anxiety to not come to a get together only to go to the mall with work friends instead. It was posted on facebook for everyone to see, even. By the way, my brother attends all her family gatherings and parties with no issues.
So, knowing this, it was incredibly important for my brother for her to come to the wedding. This is his only brother- he will never have the chance to be best man for him again (assuming all goes well with the marriage, obviously). He was absolutely devastated when she told him she wasn't coming. She absolutely knew how important this was to him. She knows how important family is to him. She says she loves him, so if that's true, why the hell didn't she even try? I am autistic and have dealt with anxiety myself as well. I was a bridesmaid. I was given accommodations at the hotel where the reception was held to get away from all the noise and stress. I know my brother would have assured her that any accommodations could and would be available for her as well. So long as she was able to go, even if for just a little while, it would have meant the world to him.
So I ask you, reddit- Are We the Assholes for being mad that she didn't come to the wedding?
**TL;DR** Brother's GF of 2 years did not attend our only other brother's wedding, where said brother was best man. It was a very important event to him and our family and we're hurt and angry with her for not even trying for his sake. Are we the assholes here?
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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at0zxe
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{
"description": "needing to take painkillers for period pain",
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AITA For needing to take painkillers for period pain?
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I'm 21f, still living with my parents bc jobs in this area are all parttime and I can't afford travelling to 2 jobs and cannot drive, hence why I'm stuck with them. I get God awful pain when it's "that time" alongside getting a bit lethargic and usual stuff. I'll often curl up and rest myself, sometimes using one of those lavender wheat bag things. It doesn't get so bad that I can't function but I will twist myself in unnatural ways to try and rid of the pain. It has caused me to pass out numerous times, however.
My dad hates it when I try to take ibuprofen and the like and says I should only take it when I really need it and that I'm wasting it, but I do take them rather sparingly. I usually buy and stash my own painkillers so I can try to avoid being confronted about it, but we do generally have some in the cupboard for all to use too. But it's always obvious that I've heated up a wheat bag since it'll stink the kitchen out when microwaved.
Non of us have any chronic pain issues, so the painkillers aren't super important in the house. I get muscular pains all down my right leg or my right shoulder due to some physical issues but I can usually avoid it with special exercise. It gets agonising sometimes though.
My mum gets lower back pain on occasion from labourous work, and my dad only ever needs to take painkillers when he gets headaches/migraines, usually after a lot of drink, or for muscle pain also from labourous work. But I'm made out to be the selfish one who wastes them.
Tl:dr: my family don't like it when I take painkillers for lady pain, am I the asshole for needing painkillers to deal with the pain?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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awkkxi
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{
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|
AITA for lying about my boyfriend's age?
|
first post on here, i was contemplating on even posting this but i need some sort of point of views.
So I (20f) started talking to this (33m) from an online dating app and honestly was very attracted to him from the beginning. Well, fast forward 8 months (now) and we're together and everything is great. Well, mostly everything. In the beginning, i told my mom about him, not too much information just the basics of him. Then she asked how old.... I kinda froze but didn't make it too obvious and just blurted out that he was 28. I have no idea why but i just kept it up thinking he and I wouldn't have ended up together 8 months later. He knows that i told my mom he was 28 and not 33 and he seemed uncomfortable then kinda understood why i would lie about it. But i feel like an asshole.. i mean eventually i wanna have him around family events and stuff, i just don't know if i could go back from that and it feels shitty.
Am I the asshole for lying about my boyfriends age to my family? Mostly my mom, who i feel like knows something is up
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RIGHT
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b78f47
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{
"description": "not exercising and my boyfriend leaving me",
"pronormative_score": 8,
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|
AITA for not exercising and my boyfriend leaving me?
|
My ex-boyfriend and I met on a dating app, and we really liked each other. He and I had amazing sexual chemistry, and he was frankly the best partner I ever had. He’s really smart (going to Yale Law School next year) and seemed to be really into me. We saw each other for around 2 months, but I was already sort of planning our futures together.
Anyway, I’m not fat, but I don’t have any real muscular definition nor am I slim. He, on the other hand, went to the gym everyday. He wasn’t muscular, but he has a six pack and a very lithe, toned body. (It may be important to note that I’m gay, and gay men tend to be pretty fit.)
Around a month ago (a month into the relationship), he said that he really liked me, but he thought it wasn’t fair that I didn’t put as much effort into looking good as he did. That he had assumed I had a good body because I was in the navy, so that’s why he met me off Tinder without seeing a body photo. I promised that I would try to get healthier, but I’m honestly so tired after work that I never really bothered going to the gym and didn’t think he was so dissatisfied with my body. I didn’t bring this up to him, but I was the one who paid for all our meals, so I assumed that he would take that into account into his dissatisfaction.
This morning, he texted me that I didn’t take him seriously when he brought up my body, so I should never talk to him again. I think he blocked me on iMessage because my messages won’t deliever. While I would kill to turn back time and have gotten a trainer when he signaled his dissatisfaction, I’d just like to know whether AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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axmvkt
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|
AITA for telling an elderly couple to fuck off?
|
So this literally just happened 5mins ago as I type this. I just sold a car to a person amd they brought a trailer to bring it back. They had a 2hr trip each way and were in a hurry to get home as it ia very cold today and we have about half a foot of snow on the ground, which makes everyrhinf worse. First I had a who're of a time tryinf to get the car unfrozen as it has sat for a year. So after an hr I get it unstuck and head inside to wait for them. Well they show up 15 mins later and begin doing their thing while i get the title ready. Well they have the car half way on the trailer when this elderly couple shows up in there car trying to get by. Well I live on what can best be described as a goat.path. it is barely wide enough for 3 cars and the people buying the car had a 2500 Chevy Silverado or some shit like that with a trailer behind it so no one was squeezing by. Well the elderly couple aita there for a few minutes and the husband finally gets out and says can we speed it up. Well we were trying but you want to make sure.that care is strapped down or some bad shit will happen. Then his wife starts honking on the horn and doesn't let up and the husband says you can just pull forward and we can squeeze by. But since the car wasnt strapped down that wasnt possible and we explained that and he got mad. I guess he knew my grandfather because he threw his name out there saying this isn't the (insert my last name) I kbow. Which is funny because my grandfather would have told him to fuck off way quicker than I did. Which I told him while i told him to fuck off. It is really annoying how that generation calls my generation entitled when he couldnt be bothered to wait literally 10mins to strap a car down properly to avoid injury and possible someone's death if that car came loose.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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WRONG
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b5k6r8
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{
"description": "wanting take our 4wd vehicle home to my parents for the holidays instead of a shitty rental vehicle",
"pronormative_score": 6,
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|
AITA For wanting take our 4WD vehicle home to my parents for the holidays instead of a shitty rental vehicle.
|
My husband always works over Christmas while I am off. As my parents get older I try to be the one kid that goes home to visit them at Christmas. We also live in Canada (crappy weather at that time of year) and we only have one vehicle.
I have started renting a vehicle at Christmas to go home and visit my parents. I would prefer to take our vehicle which has 4WD instead of some small Ford Focus that I'm not familiar with. My husband refuses to drive the rental vehicle and so he keeps the good vehicle (in the city) while I drive the crappy rental 300 km to my parent's place.
I really feel I'm not the asshole here but I'm curious what others think.
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RIGHT
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alripc
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{
"description": "requesting the mod team of a facebook to investigate the authenticity of a person whom they featured in their post",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
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|
AITA for requesting the mod team of a Facebook to investigate the authenticity of a person whom they featured in their post?
|
A Facebook page featured a girl who claims that the played a round of CSGO during their College tournament in such a good way that she managed to make her team win. (For the people who are not into CSGO, it doesn't matter because it's not much relevant to my story, but for the people who are into it, just because of winning a round doesn't always make you win the whole tournament). And by seeing how she won one round convincingly, some 'prominent' gaming cafe owner gave her some job, which the page doesn't mention, neither the job, nor the name of the cafe. She got a job while she was in first gear of engineering (It's kinda pretty big deal here) and they further went to say that the principal didn't believe and they congratulated it too. Since I thought this was a pretty far fetched story with no details of any college, competition, the name of the girl or the job that she got, neither the name of the cafe, I asked the Moderator team of that page to ask the girl whom they featured for the details, and if she isn't agreeing of the details being shared publicly, atleast share the details with the Facebook page. One random girl saw my comment and said that I'm being misogynistic for not believing that girl are more better than boys and I'm fishing for private information of the girl. Am I the asshole here?
TL;DR: A page featured a girl (without her name, name of the college which conducted tournament, name of the cafe where she got the job) who got a job offer because she won a single round of CSGO in her college tournament. I asked the admin of the page to get her details because the claims were farfetched, but I ended being called as misogynistic and someone desperate and fishing for private information from girls
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
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|
RIGHT
|
G9jEnEWjtteTq8asd7OJB1Ma1Vo2Nz0W
|
a6pu2x
|
{
"description": "ending a friendship",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ending a friendship?
|
So my husband and I had a rough year. He cheated, i caught him, we tried to work through it but it blew up so we separated and went to see counselors and have worked through everything.
So before all of that happened my husband and i had been getting really close with one of my husbands coworkers and his wife and family. We hung out a lot, at least once a week and we texted every day. We would have them over for holidays and even if my husband was working I'd go hang out with them without him.
Me and his coworker really became good friends more than me and his wife because we had a lot in common and the main thing was we had the same sense of humor. A kind of raunchy humor and we would send each other funny videos or memes all the time.
But they were really like family. If we needed advice, we'd go to them. If they needed anything they could come to us.
So when I caught my husband cheating I was devastated. I went to them and confided a lot in them. As my husband and I tried to work through it they were there for us helping us both with all the things we were feeling. But when it all blew up and we separated they immediately boxed me out. It was radio silence. I reached out to them and nothing. They never answered the phone or called back or replied to my texts. They were my only friends so I was completely alone. They never once were there for me.
So after me and my husband started to figure things out and started living together again they invited my husband to a bar/restaurant. I said I wasn't ready to see them again so I stayed home. When he got there they started begging him to invite me. I said no but I was trying to put my best foot forward for my husband and I eventually caved and went.
I was not very nice. I basically gave them the cold shoulder. They asked how I was doing and I said I was doing fine on my own. And then they got defensive. He(coworker) said the reason they picked my husbands side was because they work together. And then he told me to stop being mad because I was just looking for things to be mad about. I ignored this and left.
After that he(coworker) started spamming me with funny videos and memes. Not any real conversation just memes. I'd say lol or funny but I eventually stopped replying altogether.
It went on for a bit but I got tired of all these raunchy videos. So I told him that I was sorry I was rude the day at the restaurant but if he thought of me as just his coworkers wife, then he shouldn't be sending me those things anymore. I told him he was my best friend and I had confided a lot in him and I felt abandoned when he and his wife stopped talking to me.
His reply was "it didnt have to be like this but if that's how you want it to be fine. All you have to do is apologize and we can fix our friendship."
I didnt text back. I dont know what else to apologize for. I've asked my husband and he doesnt know either. Am I being an asshole? Am I missing something. I miss their friendship every day but I feel like they aren't good friends. Am I crazy?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
s1LsiDMk1LPLCxsQV4BmUOMbYpTKRP6z
|
a6a6hf
|
{
"description": "being so annoyed by my friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being so annoyed by my friend?
|
My (17M) friend (17M) is in two of my classes and my lunch this year. I had a class w him last year and we became good friends but kinda poked fun at each other. He’s a nice guy and it was all in good fun.
This year his dad died. I was there for him but he had seen it coming for a long time so he was as prepared as a 17 year old can be. This didn’t really change anything about him but it was around that time I started to be annoyed by him. He CONSTANTLY complains about everything. The temperature, homework, tests, classmates, you name it. He also keeps making little jabs at me that he’s always made but they’re just piling up. I’m somewhat of the same way, but they were never mean spirited. I think they may be becoming that way though. I feel like I’m becoming kind of abrasive towards him.
When he was going through everything with his dad, I backed off completely. I was only a friend. No jokes about anything personal. But recently I’m went through a rough patch myself. A hard breakup and a few other things. Obviously nowhere near as hard as the death of a parent, but still some other things. He was aware of the things that be been happening with me but still made his little jokes, and I think they got more mean spirited. I don’t think he understood how low some of the things he said made me feel. I was also diagnosed with OCD and I’m praying he doesn’t find out about that.
I understand I’ve been abrasive since then, but AITA for seriously starting to resent this guy? I can’t help feeling like I am with all of the things that happened with his family. He’s a good guy but I think he’s like this with a lot of people. He just starts to annoy people after a while
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
OjK27CoCSC4F2ADr2hEUaascOyQSNe7B
|
ariddt
|
{
"description": "wanting to get rid of my girlfriends cat? it's evil and always scratches at the kids",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For wanting to get rid of my girlfriends cat? It’s evil and always scratches at the kids.
|
We just brought my girlfriends cats over from her old house, they are both basically the biggest form of jerk you could get in form of a cat. They are always fighting/ scratching etc they already trashed the couch by clawing it and now the kids won’t go play in there rooms alone! I want it gone but she doesn’t want to level with me. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
wHrVOywXpniXd55WOdObz8pZYrqD0Mlu
|
aqg0n2
|
{
"description": "telling my friend he's being an irresponsible, self-centered dick",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my friend he’s being an irresponsible, self-centered dick
|
So my friend wants to scan some documents for his uni application and so comes over to my place to use my scanner. Then he asks if he could keep it on my computer which I agreed. I did ask him why he doesn’t back the documents onto a thumbdrive or cloud drive but he just gives a half-hearted “I’ve thought of it but never got around to it” answer.
3 weeks pass and he doesn’t follow up. I had to text him again before we arranged another date for him to come over and send the documents to the unis. So he comes, and realizes he didn’t upload some other docs cos he didn’t check the required ones. So gfdi now he’s coming over again.
And holy fucking shit, maybe I’m just really petty, but he keeps changing the timings and so I gotta change my other plans. He also says “Yo don’t delete my stuff on your com” and I go “then when the fuck u gonna finish your thing”
In the end I straight up told him he’s an irresponsible asshole who kinda makes me feel used and at his disposal. Like it’s your future not mine, why the hell do I have to be so accommodating. And at the very least say “thanks” or “so sorry for the trouble” but then he says “Dude, I know.”
tl:dr feel my friend isn’t taking responsibility for his own future and acting like a self-entitled cunt it pisses me off (lowkey feel I’m being petty tho)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
SYa2XwjcvgQz0sWCM49tI31r6BJl1rTD
|
aljui5
| null |
AITA breakup-bf lightly hit me-scared/confused(edit w further details and updated kinda)
|
Read Original https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/alhmmr/aita_for_breaking_up_out_of_fear_and_confusion/
Reason for this next post is because we talked more and I have further insight and I would like to know what people think.
We both are in a stressful class together and he's been stressed about it for a while (thats another story). But basically he said stress has been rising due to school starting and that class in particular. I also suspect some of his family stuff caused stress(going through a rough time, a family member is sick). He also says that he gets very scared when I hit my head (I'm the dumbass for continuing to horse around like that so I take blame there). So the fear of me hitting my head and the stress all came out.
He said when we play around and I hit my head he's usually calmer, and he is. I didn't know the stress surrounding me hitting my head was as severe until now, because he never went into full details all I knew was that he had head injuries when he was younger. This time because of the added stress and the fear of me hitting my head everything amplified and he just kind of snapped. He said he could feel something "bubbling up" (he mentioned he was irritated before this happened, but he didn't go into details why). And he says he should have blown off steam.
We're remaining friends, were gonna focus on ourselves or whatever. Gonna keep in contact while we are improving ourselves.. I still feel bad in a way, I feel like im to blame partially and I know I am. I still don't know how to feel, still don't know if im the asshole. I guess I just want to hear opinions
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Avot6uK20n6pQGlwJkSdX4sF1Nu3ukdy
|
afc8ig
|
{
"description": "not backing down against my 6 year old daughter in a pointless argument",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 29
}
|
AITA for not backing down against my 6 year old daughter in a pointless argument?
|
I’ve been complaining for a while that my daughter doesn’t listen to me. Today I asked her to throw an old flier away for me and she started looking at it. She looked for a while then I asked her again to throw it away. She asked to keep it and I said no. We argued, she cried, the wife cane in and took the paper saying we should sort it later. Daughter apologized but I told her that the apology meant nothing unless she threw the flier away. She refused again, I was furious.
I left them in town ( wife suggested I go home due to mood) and met them back at home. I spoke to daughter and explained that she had really upset me by maintaining that the piece of paper which she had never seen before today was worth completely ignoring my request. I told her to throw it away. She started to cry, I insisted, she ran to bathroom and I followed and insisted. She became hysterical but did finally do it. She cried for about an hour and now wife isn’t speaking to me (but daughter is).
Wife says I shouldn’t have picked the fight and made her cry over a piece of paper. I say it is a principle and she needs to learn to do as she is told.
TL:DR AITA if I reduced daughter to a hysterical mess over her refusal to throw an old flier in the bin.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 26,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 29
}
|
WRONG
|
MHf0sZlhak2aVKItDoZdCTJxSIeqndYt
|
axr7vt
|
{
"description": "taking another students test paper after they destroyed mine",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
Aita for taking another students test paper after they destroyed mine
|
I am in middle school and we had a math test on Monday I got a 100 while another student got a 92. When he learned that I got a higher score than him, he ripped my paper in half. I then took his paper and told him I would give it back if he said sorry. He did not say sorry and left. I was showing it to my friends who witnessed it and was asking about their opinion. One of them ripped it and kept it. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
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