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HPUdLYFLCl06yxM71V21ZtmCgmVftIiG
|
b2f43k
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{
"description": "splitting up a roommate group",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for splitting up a roommate group?
|
A bit of background info: I'm a freshman in college. I've made friends with a bunch of guys (my roommates included) on my floor and we all hang out. We recently chose our dormitory housing together for next year, and the way it worked out had 4 rooms of 3 guys each all on the same floor. We were all psyched about it. Fast forward to two days ago. My brother who is a junior at the same college has been apartment hunting with his five friends who are also juniors. They find a big place that houses twelve people, and its very cheap and close to campus. My brother offers to me to bring myself and 5 friends and we can have a big apartment for all of us. I'm super psyched about the idea and I suggest it to my current roommates who both bite. the three of us choose to approach the one of next year's other three rooms with whom we are closest. They also bite. within a day the details are settled and we decide to take the apartment. Now the tricky part. We have to tell the other two rooms (6 people) that we won't be on the same floor as them next year. The 6 of us are saving thousands of dollars, and I'm taking what is likely my last opportunity ever to live with my brother as he plans to live in Europe. It makes logical sense even though it is shitty to renege on our prior setup. We told the other six guys, emphasizing that we're only 10 minutes away and we'll still be taking classes together so the only difference is physical distance. Some of them didn't take it very well. Am I / are we the asshole(s) ?
For clarification - the 4 rooms were separate so it's not like us leaving affects their housing in any manner.
|
HISTORICAL
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{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
eqvqbtJVZFZk5uxQiUCv7Zl8sXJRG8ZH
|
ba6ism
|
{
"description": "attempting to temporarily move my little brothers things out of my room while he was sent away to military school for six months",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for attempting to temporarily move my little brothers things out of my room while he was sent away to military school for six months?
|
So my little brother got sent off to military school and I decided that I wanted to clean up my room. He was a junior in high school and I am currently a senior. He won’t be back until September so I figured I should put all his stuff away while he was gone.
I decided I would pack up all of his clothes and things and put it in my shed so that I could have a room to myself for six months having shared one with him for the last 17 years.
I knew that I would be moving out of my house by August before he got back so I decided I would put everything back where it was like nothing happened and it would be fine for when he got back.
Now my mom saw that I had packed all of his things up and freaked out but gave no reason as to why. I kept trying to ask her why and she wouldn’t budge in letting me move anything and demanded I put it back.
I decided that I would put it all in the shed anyways what would happen. What came next was beyond anything I could imagine.
My mom stole my laptop, music equipment, Xbox, Amazon Alexa, and DJing equipment, all valued over $2000 compared to the maybe $200 worth of things of my little brothers I put away until I moved out. I almost filed a police report since I thought that was blown out of proportion for a reaction. I eventually put it all back but have yet to revive most of my music equipment returned.
I don’t think I was wrong since I was going to put everything back before he even got back but my mom overreacted but I guess that’s up to you guys,
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
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"EVERYBODY": 3,
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OTHER
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{
"RIGHT": 4,
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WRONG
|
KhzSIhNbyEhn47zL0gnplfPuAkoyAvFs
|
ajkcld
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{
"description": "being annoyed with my so for passing out drunk on a weekday",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being annoyed with my SO for passing out drunk on a weekday?
|
Sorry for the long post...
To give a history, he struggles with alcoholism
and anger issues among other things when he drinks heavily. He has been very nasty and uncaring to me frequently in the past, because of this I gave him an ultimatum which consisted of him only drinking a certain amount of alcohol a week so that he no longer treats me this way or else I’d leave him (except on special occasions and such or when he wasn’t going to see me that day/night). Dragging his heels all the way and telling me I was being controlling etc etc even though he admitted he has a problem and that he does not treat me at all well in these scenarios, he decided to cut down his alcohol and work on being nicer when drinking as it is a big part of his social and familial life so I was subject to it on a weekly basis. These issues worsened my anxiety and gave me increased panic attacks/hyperventilate and caused me to be very depressed and feel hopeless in the relationship as he constantly promised to change and do better and never did no matter how much it hurt me. All this led to that final ultimatum.
He did not hold up on this agreement yet his behaviour improved, I asked him to consider showing me that he could actually cut down to a certain amount as it would show me he respected the ultimatum and also for his health that he could not drink so excessively/spend loads of money. He hated that idea with a passion and so we agreed that he could decide how much he drank and that he would be trusted to do so responsibly.
Since then he has got extremely drunk and lied about how much he drank, which upset me a lot considering the history and our agreement and took him a while to understand why I’d be bothered. And now today (a weekday, he works 5 days a week full time) he went to the pub after work like usual, and instead of having a couple pints like normal, he drinks around 8 pints and is completely battered, this is while I’m at work. He texts me saying his sorry and that he’s taken the piss etc etc. I can’t really respond as I’m mid shift in a busy environment. He normally would meet me from work and walk me home as I work until relatively late at night and it’s quite a long walk and not very nice to do alone in the dark. I get a call from his mum while I’m at work who lets me know he came home and just passed out at like 7pm. I accidentally left my bag at home containing all my necessary belongings (including my wallet) except my phone. I am quite upset he chose to do this and so ring my parents and ask if they can please bring my bag in so I can at least pay for a taxi back to his as I explain the situation. My dad offers to just take me home so I accept. I finish my shift and my dad picks me up sympathetically which I am grateful for. My boyfriend wakes up and grills me and starts being very passive aggressive for not going back to his and that he’s just “cold and waiting for my gf who doesn’t want to see me” and that it’s not a big deal and that I should essentially just get over it and that I shouldn’t have gone home and that he would’ve paid for a taxi back to his. To which I reply that I think it’s best we just see each other tomorrow and he get some rest. He continues to kick off about me going home and how I’m overreacting and how upset he is.
This whole cycle has gone on for way too long and if this incident was just a one off it would be okay, but it’s not. This situation is EXTREMELY mild compared to some of the shit I’ve had to deal with when he’s been drunk (there’s so many things I can’t even put into one post) Idk what to do am I the asshole here, am I just over sensitive due to the past? Should I just get over it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
e655i4hGHbaLh8EwK7qBTirshxFzi8sV
|
akoeuo
|
{
"description": "making my boyfriend try new foods",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for making my boyfriend try new foods?
|
Some background info, I do all the cooking in the house. We have a deal where he does the dishes and I make sure he has lunch and dinner made (does breakfast himself) since I am a good cook. He’s tried to make meals for himself in the past but because he can’t make anything as good as me he’s given me the responsibility.
When I make a new food dish that tastes really good I get excited and want him to share in the experience but he always refuses. Now it’s nothing crazy, just a pasta dish or sandwich or something along those lines. Something I know for a fact he would like if he gave it a try. I just get bored cooking the same things over and over and want him to try and branch out. On the off chance he does try a new food he typically always likes it, but says it’s not something he’d ever eat and that he just likes the regular meals I make. We’re both in our early 20s so I don’t see why we shouldn’t be trying new things
TL;DR boyfriend recently told me it bugs him that I ask him to try new foods, because I should know by now that he’s not going to want to eat it (even if he does like it)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
WiCrpLE5f4eIEWN5hFkpj6MRIy9OTkPj
|
b7u6v5
|
{
"description": "proposing on vacation with my fiancee's family",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for proposing on vacation with my fiancee's family
|
My fiancee's parents paid for my fiancee, me, her sister, and her sister's fiance to go on a cruise with them. My fiancee and I don't often have time to go on vacations and we were in some really beautiful places and I thought it would make a really beautiful memory for us if I proposed on the trip.
I gave her parents a heads up so they could see it if they wanted and then did it, and she said yes and it all was very exciting. Her parents got us champagne. Her sister and her fiance were pretty upset however. They pulled me aside and told me off for doing this on a family trip and making us the center of attention. They thought I should have asked her parents for permission and said that they're upset that I didn't. My fiancee is on my side and her parents honestly seemed happy about it. Am I the asshole for not asking permission to do this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 16,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 17,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
LwUOzJ7FLgGldDAgsKfb82NWQGHRmuzL
|
at0scj
|
{
"description": "being upset that my mom got back with her ex",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset that my mom got back with her ex?
|
For starters, I'm 17 and have [CF](https://www.cff.org/What-is-CF/About-Cystic-Fibrosis/), so I get sick easily. My mom broke up with her BF of 2 years a month ago, and got back with him last week. BF hasn't been very good with respecting my CF and relationship with my mom. He wants mom to himself, and thinks that since I'm extremely healthy for having CF, that he doesn't need to get vaccinated or wash his hands often. He's also promised to take me fishing and stuff like that, but hasn't done any of that, and instead makes up excuses to not do those things.
​
When mom and BF broke up, I was happy, but my mom got really sad. My mom did recognize that my time with her is very important, and so is my health, and promised to prioritize me. However, she got too sad, and got her BF back without telling me. I found out when I came home after spending some time with my dad. I was pissed, and am still just as mad. BF still disregards my health and time with my mom. My mom said that if BF got sick again, he'd get a hotel until he got better.
​
This last week, he got a really bad cold, and didn't leave. I did my best to avoid him and sanitize everything, but I still got sick because we eat from the same fridge. I haven't said a word to BF. The only communication I've given BF have been death glares and the occasional "back off" if he's gotten too close, especially since he's been sick. My mom thinks I'm over-reacting and just need to get over it, and be glad that she's spending time with me, but now that I'm sick in bed with a really nasty cough and stuffy nose, I can't help but be pissed. BF has done other things in the past that have further pissed me off, but I'll have to edit that in as to not exceed the 3,000 word count.
Am I the asshole, or am I justified.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
UHJ1kCd4leZxFQswVF7GAN3J6dzQjfzb
|
aktdp5
|
{
"description": "not moving over",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA For not moving over
|
I live in a speed trap town ... and when possible I maneuver to a position that doesn’t allow me to move over when the police have someone pulled over ...
Am I the asshole ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
lUaj9hfXhAomQhiJnsSylFhCzSxtQs9z
|
b6qz73
|
{
"description": "needing my twin/roommate to give me chores to do",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for needing my twin/roommate to give me chores to do?
|
My identical twin sister (we're 22) and I have been roommates for nearly a year. Over the summer and into the winter I suffered with major depression, on a scale that was unfamiliar to me. I ended up leaving my job in the autumn and would spend days/weeks living in my bathrobe barely able to take care of my basic needs (I.e shower, eat...). When my depression worsened my sister took on more house work which I appreciated. She eventually came to me angry about the extra chores she was doing. She would be upset I hadn't thought to do the dishes or take out the garbage out. I explained to her that in my current state I couldn't see how the house was in disarray.
Very shortly after this first upset, I found, what I thought to be, the best solution. I told her if she left me with a list of chores I would do it. From then on, every time she told me what to do, I would, not fluattering once. I began to feel good about contributing but because of my mental state I still needed her to tell me what she would like done. I felt this system worked well and was proud of myself for keeping up my end of the bargin.
However, she soon started to become angry/resentful again, she would be upset about having to tell me what to do, she said things along the line of "you are an adult, I shouldn't have to tell you what to do" and "I cant bring myself to ask you to do the chores because of how you are right now". This upset me, I felt she was being unfair, I was doing my best to find a middle ground and her only "task" was to assign me chores. But she wouldn't and then be upset that I hadn't done the chores.
This conflict was never really resolved, I just eventually got on meds that helped me deal with my depression and I now contribute eveningly, without being asked, to the housework. But this issue resurfaces often in fights between us. She will go off about how much more she had to take on, and how she should have never had to ask me, and that she didnt want to ask me because she saw how much i was suffering. I remind her that I asked her to ask me, and that she cant be mad at me because she decided not to meet me halfway or decided that I was too "fragile" for chores.
I resent that this is still thrown in my face during every argument. I know I was not the ideal roommate, but I tried to compromise and I feel that I shouldn't be held responsible because she decided not to give me chores when I all I asked was for her to tell me what to do. AITA here? Am I not considering her side enough?
TDLR while depressed, my sister took on more housework, I asked to be given tasks so I can contribute, she is upset because I am an adult and shouldn't need her to assign me chores, she still continues throws this in my face even though it is a none issue now.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
yoTpeBmJ8UtlyTgLJZs7B6r55R6FTWSE
|
a9222d
|
{
"description": "asking my parents to move me out a few months early",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for asking my parents to move me out a few months early?
|
**TLDR at the bottom. I'm not a total asshole.**
I'm an 18 year old college student with autism/asd. It's not too severe, and I'm able to bumble and stumble through my day normally. One thing that sort of sets me off, though, is isolated loud noises. Ambient noise like a crowded mall or heavy traffic is fine, but things like a baby screaming or a dog barking put me on edge.
At the beginning of the year I tried living on-campus, but the lack of privacy and random noise ultimately drove me back home. Things are better here, but they're not great. Moreover, they're beginning to unravel a bit.
We have two dogs, used to have three. They have their own little yard to do their business in before being let inside. Ever since the second one died, it seems like the third dog has learned to be as loud and obnoxious as possible to be let back inside.
We also have a wonderful grandmother who lives with us. She, of course, is becoming a bit senile with age. But she's not meek, she's a strong fighting mfer at heart. Unfortunately this means that when she misplaces something, she gets paranoid and shouts at people who she believes "took it".
And in the spring, we'll be fostering a teenager for the first (and supposedly only) time. He will be in court-ordered residential therapy for the next three months before being released to us, probably in March. I was supportive of the rest of the family making this decision, but it's really begun to sink in that this will undoubtedly be rough.
I try, and mostly succeed, at bottling up my agitation over small things like these, since I'd like to think I'm a well behaved son. But I already have so many other things I bottle up, because I'm too afraid and guilty to bother other people with it. And it gets damaging. I resent myself for not being able to take it easily, but that's the way it is.
On an entirely different storyline, my parents decided a while ago that they would get me an apartment close to school for my sophomore year. I'm currently commuting 45 minutes each way. Of course, I'm incredibly grateful for this, and I'm sure they're getting a kick out of me looking up all these properties relentlessly (it's something I've always been fixated on, some aspies do trains, others do real estate). But I'd really like to move over spring break in March instead of in June or July like originally planned.
It just makes more sense - I'd be out as the foster kid moves in, it would be during a semester break, and I'd have a 10 minute drive. They'd have more room for the foster kid, and we'd all be less stressed. But I can't help but feel selfish for even asking. It's not entirely about the money; they make enough in a day to pay the rent, and they got a refund for the dorm this semester. I'd be willing to help them pay it regardless. But I feel ungrateful, and I hate hurting other people.
So am I a spoiled ungrateful asshole that's trying to take more than he's been given, or am I being reasonable in asking?
*TLDR: Autistic college student commuting long way from home. Home is a bit stressful and is only going to get worse as time goes on, and I'm not sure if I'll be able to take it. Parents getting me an apartment this summer, but I want to ask them to make it March for various reasons.*
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
IotSZ3AyierJfihoC7yIRvD84bVpsBr7
|
ao6k5r
|
{
"description": "staying sexually active with my ex",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for staying sexually active with my ex?
|
I’ll keep it at short as possible. Me (22m) and my ex (21f) broke up after a 8 month relationship due to personality disconnections. I just didn’t feel as strongly for her as she did for me, and neither of us took it too harshly.
She still considers me the ‘perfect’ boyfriend and all these other things, said she wouldn’t dare look for someone else until she’s completely over me, and sincerely wanted to remain friends, and I’m okay with that, she’s cool, just wouldn’t date her.
A few weeks afterwards we were talking and she mentioned she wanted some ‘fun’ and asked if I’d be willing to come over and help her out. I expressed concerns at first, but she seemed kinda desperate and I’m not actively dating either due to extensive work schedules. If we’re both single I don’t see an issue with a FWB type of deal. So we messed around. I did tell her early on that she shouldn’t expect it to reignite the relationship, and she understood.
Long story short, after a few yippee sessions, she told her friend, who told her little social group, who are expressing deep frustration towards me for doing this, telling me “I’m messing with her emotions” and “why do I fuck her if I don’t want to be with her”. I told her about and all she really could do was apologize but said she doesn’t want to stop doing the dirty.
AITA? I see it could be kinda wrong considering she still has feelings for me whereas I don’t as strongly for her, but if she is actively telling me she wants to do the dun dundun, I don’t see much harm in it and wanted another opinion.
Thank.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
h3fCfOT15ncaNwfmHSOQvNaDANbYZR9a
|
a6n16a
|
{
"description": "getting angry at my friend for pranking me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting angry at my friend for pranking me?
|
I wanna figure this out once and for all. This is a really bizarre and unnecessary fight I had with my friend. This happened a few months ago over the summer. My (19m) family owns a cottage on a lake about 2 hours north from my home. It is a very special place to me and I always like to go up there to relax.
One weekend, I decided to bring up my close friend (17m) at the time. The whole weekend went pretty smooth until the night before we left for home. I thought watching a movie on Netflix would be cool. I had a movie saved that I had been wanting to watch for a while and I asked my friend if he wanted to watch it. He says sure, so I load it up. About 5 minutes in, he starts watching YouTube videos without earbuds. He’s playing it louder than the movie, so I pause it and ask him if he actually wants to watch it. He says he is watching, so I continue playing it. Once again, he starts playing YouTube videos out loud.
I said something like, “I actually want to watch this movie, so if you’re not into it I’m just gonna go to bed and watch it another time.” He responds by asking me what the fuck I’m getting so mad over and how he was actually watching the movie. I get into bed and he says, “I’m just gonna go home then.” He proceeds to call his mother and tell her to come get him.
Mind you, it’s about a 2 hours drive from where we live and it’s about 12 at night. If someone were to come get him, that would be 2 hours up to get him and 2 hours back to go home. I start freaking out and say, “You’re seriously gonna make your mom drive that much because I didn’t want to watch a movie?” He says yeah and insists that she will be there soon.
By that point I had had enough and decide to go to bed. The problem is I can’t fall asleep because I’m so worried that his mom is gonna be angry with me or my family and that my parents are going to be mad as well. I try to sleep for about 2 hours but I still can’t. At 2 AM I finally look up and see he’s still on his phone. I ask him if he really called his mom and he continues to insist he did and she will be there soon.
I called him a selfish asshole or something like that and go downstairs for some water. When I come back up he just starts laughing at me. He says, “I never even called her.”
I immediately blow up and start yelling at him. I tell him how rude it was that he did that and how he will never be invited back up. His only response is “fine.”
The next morning we pack up and head home. When we finally arrive at my house, he calls his mom and we wait for his ride. He asks me if I’m still mad and I say yeah. He just starts laughing at me again.
We didn’t really talk for a few months after that. The next time we hung out he did give me an apology I thought was sincere, but to me it was a little to late to really mean anything. I have no desire to spend time with him anymore.
I’ve had my other friends tell me both that I over reacted or that I was right in this. I just feel like I go up north to relax and all my friend did was stress me out. It would have been one thing for the prank to have lasted 5 minutes but he let it go on for 2 hours. He wasn’t even sorry about it when he knew it upset me. AITA in this for reacting the way I did?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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avfguz
| null |
AITA : They lied to me to get me to come in, I sabotage their contest.
|
So the other day I was enjoying my day off, playing some Forest when I hear a ping and my boss had sent me information about a contest going on that day about getting customer's survey for five stars and getting them to say a catchy 2 word slogan to win a prize for our store. I messaged back that I didn't work today and he apologized. I get a call an hour later from the store and they need me to come in, and I was told I can run front counter. Awesome, extra pay and somewhat easier cashier jig.
I get in and after clocking in I'm told I'm going on drive thru, so I now feel trapped because I can't leave now, it'd be job abandonment. I was going to protest but a manager in training tried to tell me about the day's contest, I said TWICE I knew what it was and he continued reading it. I felt like what I said didn't matter, they just wanted me to go do the hard work and get surveys. So I never mentioned the now broken offer that got me in.
I told no one to do a survey and told my boss this. I won't get the bonus for each time someone says it, but I won't help the store win. One of my coworkers found out and she worked hard for surveys and is not pissed off at me and calling me petty because we weren't going to win.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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EVERYBODY
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
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|
9xqggc
|
{
"description": "telling my adult brother that he and his fiancée should get their own phone plan",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for telling my adult brother that he and his fiancée should get their own phone plan?
|
So little backstory, we have a family of 4 and a data plan that just barely supports it if we’re all being responsible with data. My brother is 11 years my senior and is currently living on his own with his fiancé. My brother as an early Christmas present bought his fiancée a phone and added her to the family plan. My mother is in charge of the family plan, and agreed to allowing her onto the plan. Since then, our data has run out twice as quickly, and since we have a protection mode on, any data we try to use past our cap is severely throttled. (I’m talking 0.00005 mbs).
My elderly father depends on his map service to navigate around when he gets lost and he is unable to use it if the data is throttled. My brother and his fiancée would be unable to use their data either for the things they would need it for as we are only getting 14 ish days of data rather than a month.
I contacted my brother and told him since he’s living on his own and getting married maybe it’s time that he gets his own phone plan. Since his fiancée was added, it seriously affected all of us and my suggestion was a solution to that. I was hoping to continue dialogue with him trying to figure out what was going on with the data, but instead he sends my message to our mother and she and my father got angry with me telling me I was very mean and it’s none of my business. I’m in hard times right now so I don’t pay for my portion of the bill, so I agree that I can’t make decisions for people, but it was merely a suggestion posed to instigate conversation, not to attack my brother.
In my mind I thought I was doing a good thing bringing this fact up so we could work as a family to fix it but my mother wanted nothing to do with me for the rest of the night. Am I the Asshole?
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adtl37
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"description": "not wanting a baby at my wedding",
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"contranormative_score": 11
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AITA for not wanting a baby at my wedding?
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Under normal circumstances, I think wanting a child-free wedding is fair. They are noisy and in the way and if we go for a sit-down meal, they need catering for differently. The youngest family member I'm inviting is 13, the rest of my guests are adults.
But here's the snag. We want to have our reception at the Cricket club, because my husband-to-be's cousin organizes the events, so we should be able to get a good deal on the venue hire.
But his Cousin has a 2-3 year old daughter. I've only met her once, so I can't say if she's well behaved or not, but I feel like this age is young enough to be a nuisance.
My partner doesn't want the baby at the wedding either, but he thinks that his Cousin is likely to be offended if her daughter isn't invited.
AITA for wanting "mates rates" on a wedding venue from my partner's cousin, but also saying she can't bring her baby?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "not taking my parents/sisters to all the touristy spots in NYC, even though they told me the wanted an \"authentic\" New York experience",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
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|
AITA for not taking my parents/sisters to all the touristy spots in NYC, even though they told me the wanted an "authentic" New York experience.
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So one thing I'll confess right up front, is that I know I'm the asshole for not acting on my intuition of what I KNEW my family would want when the visited me for the first time in NYC. I come from a pretty simple family, our family's favorite restaurant is Outback steakhouse, my parents eat at Chili's when the travel across the country, their idea of exciting is seeing a new mall, even if all the stores are the same as we have in Tucson. I fucking knew this and i'm kicking myself. I have started drama and one thing my parents love is fucking drama.
So like I just said I'm from Tucson, AZ. I moved to NYC this past summer to pursue my dream of being a freelance photographer and am basically apprenticing with an older lady who has lived in the city since the 1950s. As such she has shown me the most amazing, off the beaten path things that you would never, ever get on a circle line tour. In over six months of being here, I've only been through times square, I haven't been to ESB or 1WT or statue of liberty. I've absolutely loved it.
This weekend my parents and two younger sisters came to visit me for the first time since it was a 3 day weekend. My mom was very clear that she wanted an "authentic" New York experience. I was like cool...lets do it. I got them a pretty sweet Airbnb just around the corner from the room I rent from my photographer friend in Brooklyn and set about. I knew there were signs of trouble when I took them to an absolutely amazing Italian place in Bensonhurst that is almost 80 years old. My sisters hated it because the menu was seafood and my mom lectured me that she KNEW that the only place for authentic Italian food is in Little Italy. I tried to tell her that as sad as it is, Little Italy is actually very touristy now and these people were serving dishes they learned from their family when the immigrated from Sardinia. Well the hated it and I saw at their Airbnb the next morning that all the leftovers were in the trash. The next day was worse because we spent the whole day touring around Brooklyn and Queens and about 5 my sisters starting whining "when are we going to see Times Square?" I told them I thought that the wanted to see authentic New York. They told me all the stuff I was showing them was "boring," sheesh thanks...these were all the places where I've done shoots.
Sunday my dad's diabetes feet were acting up so they decided to just stay in the Airbnb all day Sunday and actually ordered in grubhub from Hooters. Fuck it, I went and did some work with and Instagram model I do TFP work with. Today I was like cool, lets just go see Times Square and Empire State and part of Manhatten but my mom was absolutely freaked the fuck out by the subway and was worried about getting to LaGuardia on time so we just came back and again spent the day in their Airbnb. My mom blamed me for not booking them a hotel or Airbnb in Times Square because she had no idea I "planted" them so far away from all the activity of the city.
I just paid a fucking Mint to get them an uber to the airport and on the way my mom sent me an incredibly nasty email basically blaming me for allowing them to spend all their money and see "nothing." I don't even know what to respond because I have email and text after email and text of her explaining to me that they wanted to see "authentic New York."
I can add more info as needed...but while I admit to being the Asshole for not acting on what I KNEW to be the reality, am I the asshole for acting on what the asked of me?
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{
"description": "telling my boyfriend I don't want him talking to his ex wife",
"pronormative_score": 10,
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AITA for telling my boyfriend I don't want him talking to his ex wife?
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Recently, My boyfriends ex wife's boyfriend was shot to death. Lets call her Mellie.
Mellie is also pregnant with deceased bf's baby.
Lets call my boyfriend Grant. Mellie divorced Grant. Grant was devastated and was depressed because not only had he just lost his father and best friend ( they both died) he now lost hiw wife.
We met a year later and started dating. Its been a bit over a year now and things are well. But my anxiety has me so fucked up i cant think right right now.
Anyway, I was there when Grant received this news from his mother (who is friends with mellie on fb).
We were both devastated. Its very fuckin tragic. Now, I was not comfortable with Grant reaching out to mellie. Grant knew this and told me he didnt want to cause anything between us if he were to reach out to her. Besides, there isnt really anything that he can do for her. But later in the day he came to me with a heavy heart and told me he was going to reach out to her. He told me he didnt want to throw away what we have, cause what we have works and that hes happy but that he just needed to tell me what was on his mind.
I didnt like the idea because of my anxiety. It can get pretty bad. We talked, and eventually I had to put my feelings aside and told him he should message her and send his condolences. I asked him to be very transparent with me, tell me what they talk about. He agreed and said thats fine. She didnt say much and conversation ended pretty quickly. I thought that was the end of that and I felt fine.
He texted me today saying he reached out to her again, and now Im afraid that itll come down to him wanting to see her.
I was kinda pissed... i mean its obvious shes a wreck but she has a support system, her family, her deceased bf's family and her friends. He said he just wanted to make sure she was ok.
I really think its going to come down to him wanting to see her. This isnt respecting my boundaries and its something i dont think i can handle, given my anxiety. I feel like feelings will rekindle, and i just dont want him to be her emotional support... I know that shit isnt rational but my mental health is important to me and i dont think i can handle that. I just wish his past would stay dead. I would understand if they had kids together, but there is nothing tying them together. Were talking tonight and i just dont want to say some dumb shit.
For fucks sake, she left him during his darkest times, why should he be there for hers?
so am I the asshole for not wanting him to be there for his ex wife?
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{
"description": "getting upset with my gf for playing video games",
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AITA for getting upset with my gf for playing video games
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I’ll start off with some backstory.
I’ve(25) been in a LDR with my gf(27) for nearly 2.5 years and things have been going a bit rough the last few months. We’ve been fighting over basically nothing, a lot, so we’ve discussed the issue and decided to both work on not getting upset over small things.
We had plans to move in with each other in 2021 and to keep the relationship healthy until then, we try to voice chat every day, where we catch up, discuss how our days went and sometimes watch movies and series together.
My girlfriend is into competitive video games a lot, where as I am not really into them. I sometimes join her for an occasional game, but generally let her do her thing when she wants to play. She has a lot of male gamer friends that she plays with, that she has known for over 10 years. I trust her completely around them, because if she had feelings for any of them, then she wouldn’t have chosen to start a relationship with me.
Now onto me being a potential asshole.
Gf tells me that we will have our voice chat a bit later because she promised one of her friends, let’s call him John, that she’d play with him today. I say it’s totally fine and asked her to give me a headsup when she’d be nearly done. She then asks me if I want to join them, I thanked her for asking me, but I declined, as this would be a great time for me to visit my sister and nieces again.
Fastforward 3 hours, I’m at my sisters place, and girlfriend messages me that John will log off after their current game. So I started making my way home. When I got home i got another message from my gf, that John wanted to do an extra game so she’s doing one more. I got a little annoyed at that, because if she told me that in advance I could have spent more time with my sister, but told myself not to overreact and responded that it was fine. So I decided to just browse reddit for a bit while she was playing. When 50 minutes passed and I didn’t hear anything I decided to check if she was done already. And there I saw that she had started another new game. At this point I’m pretty upset that she didn’t even message me beforehand so I asked her if she started another game and she responded that John wanted to do one more and that she would leave after this game, even if he wanted to do more.
After her game ends she tells me to come voice chat with her, but I tell her that I’m not in the mood anymore. We argue a bit about how we aren’t supposed to get upset over small things anymore. But I tell her that I think I am allowed to be upset over this, because I was waiting on her only for her to start another game. She agreed that she should have told me before starting her last game, but because she promised John to play with him until he would log off, she felt she wasn’t in the wrong. I told her that she also told me that she was doing one last game, twice, but she said that didn’t matter because she promised John first.
AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not letting my mother in law move in with us",
"pronormative_score": 120,
"contranormative_score": 5
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AITA for not letting my mother in law move in with us?
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My mother in law lives alone and is in her 70’s. My wife has been making comments about how lonely she’s been and right away I knew what was coming, but I really don’t think I would be able to handle living with her. She is a very difficult and judgmental woman. I’ve always been respectful, but seriously a little bit of her goes a long way.
When we actually had ‘the talk’ about her moving in it got ugly pretty quick. I was upfront about my reasons, but apparently that’s selfish. She mentioned that we have a free room, but we are also planning on having another child at some point as well. She thinks I have no compassion for her mother’s situation and I told her that that’s not true and we could look into assisted living places. That was a mistake. She said those places are a step above prison and how could I even consider sending her mother there when she could be with family.
My wife has been less than kind to my own mother. She wouldn’t even allow us to stay with her when we went to my home town. She insisted we get a hotel because she doesn’t have a good relationship with her and refuses to put even the tiniest effort into repairing that relationship.
This isn’t a tit for tat though, it really just makes my resolve about the situation a little stronger. This is my home as much as hers and I should be comfortable here. If her mother were to come live with us I would lose that.
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HISTORICAL
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ba9mj4
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{
"description": "not wanting to take my sister to eat",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
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AITA for not wanting to take my sister to eat
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Ill make it very short and simple
Im 17(m) my parents are divorced and im with my dad (i visit 2 times a month) i have a 17(f) stepsister
They have me do basically any driving chore because i have a license my sister doesnt, so i take my siblings around etc, i have no problem with it. (Especially for the few days im here im glad to help) But i have an exhausting schedule, i do track and have practice afterschool and i have saturday rehearsals for a musical im in. So im generally tired. (My parents arent home so the “conversations” are done thru text)
This is where the problem arises, i was asleep and they wake me up telling me to clean the cars. I have no problem with it i get up and get the supplies then while im cleaning they tell me “if u WANT, you can take you and ur sister to chik fil a” i say, “i would but im really tired thanks for the offer” my sister comes along and calls me an asshole for not wanting to take her, then they say “give her your card and her boyfriend can take her” (my personal card that they did not open. My mom did and they will cashapp me the money) (mind you this isnt the first time it happens, they had me do it for shopping and i was actually forced to do it, and give her my card) i say “no i dont feel comfortable with her having my card” and thats when i get a text from my dad saying “go take (sister) to eat. And stop been a fucking asshole” if i could show u i would. I text him explaining its not me wanting to be a pain in the ass its just be being tired and i dont want to go. I then im forced to go and take them to
chick fil a. Am i the asshole?
TL:DR Im tired cuz of my schedule, i get woken up, to wash then car and asked if i wanted to go me and my sister to eat. I said no they asked me for my credit card so they can cashapp the money to her i said no because its my card that has money ive earned and i was called an asshole by my parents and sister.
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aoq528
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{
"description": "trying to continue contact between a classmate over the weekend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for trying to continue contact between a classmate over the weekend?
|
https://imgur.com/gallery/WoK4EQ5
Contains relevant messages from subject and BF, who was unknown but aggressive
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awrg0v
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{
"description": "refusing to pay my roommate for internet",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
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WIBTA for refusing to pay my roommate for internet.
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WIBTA, So my roommate recently got an $82 bill for internet I never used. When I moved in I set up my own router and modem. I cut the bill from $82 to $55 dollars and had to set up new internet because she was being uncooperative. She claimed that she didnt know who the internet was registered under, even though she was paying for it.
So I told her to call comcast and send back the router when I set up my internet. She said she would and a few days later I texted her about it. She again said shed do it.
Today she got a charge for $82 from comcast and is saying we (me and the other roommates) must help her pay for the internet. I sent her a screenshot of me telling her to send back the router and I have not yet flat out refused but I sure as fuck am not paying. AITA?
Background, she is 27 and partially owns her own company. She always complains about how hard she works and never has time to do anything. This all happened during my week away from the oil patch. I work 120-168 hours per week. I was bombarded with messages.
Lastly she does occasionally watch my dog but really my other roommate does that.
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asycyu
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"description": "calling the police on our neighbor",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for calling the police on our neighbor.
|
We recently moved to the town. We have a large, mixed breed dog. He is highly trained, fully licensed and registered in accordance with local law, and fully vaccinated and up to date on all shots. He's part of our lease by name and the landlords (two-family, they're the other floor) gave us full permission to have the dog here.
​
For 3 months, we have had no issues with anyone in the neighborhood.
​
All of a sudden last night, one of our neighbors flipped out on my fiance and started yelling at her (mind you, from across the street and one house over - where this neighbor lives) about our dog because he was not on a leash. He was on our property at the time, not barking, and just following my fiance around. The local ordinances do not require a dog to be leashed while on the owner's property. It is very clear.
​
She tried to de-escalate the situation and even put him on a leash. The yelling and harassing continued. They she threatened to call the police.
​
I came home to a very upset fiance, so I called the police and made a report about what happened, but declined to have an officer come over and address anyone in person. I thought maybe it would not happen again and at least there was a record.
​
Sure enough, I'm outside cleaning snow off of everyone's cars and I'm approached by said neighbor. She starts off friendly, but then side-tracks onto a ton of invasive questions about who I am, who owns the dog, etc. So I say I live here. That's my dog. What's the problem?
​
The same nonsense as the night before starts. You can't have him off leash. He has to be fenced in. I don't want any other dogs out on this street. I'm afraid of your dog. You can't have him outside like that.
​
I say I'm sorry, but you're just not right. The law is clear. We are not in the wrong.
​
This goes nowhere. She continues to escalate the situation verbally.
​
So I just sort of said okay, forget this. And called the police. I did not want to waste their time but I felt this needed to be addressed and it is so unfair that we're afraid to walk our own dog because of this nonsense.
​
The police agreed with us and instructed the neighbor accordingly. It was ridiculous and should never have even escalated to that point.
​
AITA for calling the cops?
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|
AITA for being rude to a boy because he wouldn't understand I didn't wanted a relationship with him?
|
This is my first post here, and I'll talk about something that happened some time ago.
I met this boy and we chatted for a bit. He was depressed at the time and I helped him. A few weeks after we met he starts acting strange. He randomly complimented me, and things like that. And I was happy because I felt like I was helping him. He was a bit creepy tho, he once told me he was touching himself (wth..?) and things like that. After three weeks of knowing each other, he confessed to me, telling me that he's in love with me. And at first I didn't believed him. We've been knowing each other for a short time, and I thought it was weird that he fell for me. He also lives really far away from me, we don't even speak the same Language. Anyway, I told him that I don't feel something for him because it's too early, and that we should just wait a little longer. Now, I tried to tell him in the nicest way possible, but he didn't get it.
We kept talking, and I realized I'd never fall for him. He kept telling me he wanted me to be happy with him after I told him that we didn't need to be in a relationship to be happy and I just wanted to be friends.
He then started to make weird drawings of us kissing or hugging. At first I was okay with it, but after some time it started to make me feel uncomfortable. I felt like he was forcing me to be with him, but I didn't told him that, hoping that he would stop. He kept referring to us as a "couple" even tho I never really agreed on that, so I told him that he should first ask me if I want to be in a relationship with him. So he asks me to if I want to be his girlfriend, and I say no, because it's too early and, even if I feel something for him, it's not it the "romantic sense", and I hoped he would've understand. I didn't wanted him to be sad about it, so I didn't told him straight that I only saw him as a friend. And that was a mistake. The day after I rejected him, he sent me another drawing of us, knowing that it makes me uncomfortable, and then he starts saying things like: "we are a beautiful couple. We feel the same way about each other, you're maybe just scared of how you feel but it's okay, we can make it, because we're in love". Now, I'm a really calm person and I rarely get mad. But as I was reading this I knew I couldn't take it anymore.
I told him that he clearly didn't understood what I meant the other day. I told him that I'm not in love with him, I'm not interested and I'll never be interested, and also that he needs to stop drawing us and referring to us as a couple because it's cringy and I absolutely hate it. We have a discussion and then he blocks me. So, that's it. I actually felt a bit bad that I attacked him like that, but he wouldn't understand. On the other hand, I feel like he's the one who should feel bad, because if he didn't made me feel like I was being forced into a relationship, we could've been great friends. Anyway, thanks for reading this and tell me your opinions about it!
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"description": "ghosting a 'friend'",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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|
AITA for ghosting a ‘friend’?
|
Throwaway account because they also use reddit and browse this stuff.
So about a year ago I went to a different school and tried to be a very friendly person. I met this girl named Anna. Anna was kind of a piece of trash. She was wealthy and didn’t realize it, treated people like garbage, and was a dick about how super smart she was.
We met because we had a couple of the same classes and both played a little bit of video games during our down time. She was nice to me and we hanged out a bit. Like I said earlier she was super smart. She didn’t need to take any notes or do any studying to get A’s. This eventually lead to her annoying me everyday asking for me to ignore class and to play games and talk. At first I didn’t care too much because we were in an easy spot in the semester and I was cruising along, so I agreed to. But eventually the classes got harder(duh) and I needed to pay attention but she wouldn’t let me. I could tell her to screw off from time to time, but I always felt like a dick doing so. She even convinced me to stay after school to do ‘studying’ which just ended up to be more of her playing video games and me either playing with her or trying to study while she again nagged and annoyed me. This did eventually lead to me failing the classes while she passed with an A. So needless to say my GPA tanked and I was pissed, but I was still nice to her because I knew it wasn’t 100% her fault.
Fast forward to the beginning of the next school year and for personal reasons I’m forced to move to a different area/school. I had lived in a trash neighborhood and didn’t have many friends so it wasn’t that bad of a move. I still had her added on steam and on my phone so she still talked to me a bit. Eventually I realized that I didn’t really hangout/talk with her because she was a friend, but more out of pity that not a lot of people liked her. This lead to me deciding that I shouldn’t have to talk to her if I didn’t want to and completely ghosted her. I don’t regret doing it, but it was kinda of a dick move. I still feel like a huge asshole and I wanted to ask you guys for your opinions.
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}
|
AITA for being mad at my buddy whos staying with me for taking off all weekend and leaving his dog behind without checking to see if it was okay?
|
I have a friend who has been staying with me for a few months. He has a dog, who also stays here, cause well, theyre a package. However on Friday he left to visit his daughter and said "I'll see you in a bit", and never came back.
I was going to say something the next morning asking why he never bothered to see if it was okay, but I remembered tht he was visiting his daughter, and thats probably where he still was. So I left it alone until this morning when I had finally had enough and let him know I was quite upset that he had been gone so long without his dog and never bothered to check in or see if I had plans.
This started an argument about how he didnt think he had to and he was with his daughter so he assumed it would be okay.
I said it would have been okay had he taken 2 seconds to text me to let me know what was going on. Again he said he didnt think he had to and he would watch my dog if I left. I told him I wouldn't just leave without saying anything or checking in out of respect and responsibility.
It just continued to spiral from there and during which he kept bringing up that he was visiting with his kid and I should be more understanding. He insisted on bringing his daughter home to her mother from his moms because I made him feel bad so he was going to "fix it". I even told him that i wasnt telling him to to come back, but i was telling him that i was displeased after not hearing from him since friday.
So, am i the asshole because I got upset my friend left friday to see his kid without his dog and never messaged to check in to see if it was okay?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
rTm1f9YpQI13gIs7ktj9Q74JT9MKH0eJ
|
a5o6vs
|
{
"description": "not wanting to help people study",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to help people study?
|
It’s my first semester in college, and I would be lying if I said I had tons of friends. I’m in my school’s honors academy, and all of my close friends are also honors students.
My classmates know that I work hard in school because I am always doing my best to participate in class discussions. I know that it can be discouraging to professors to not have anyone answer their questions, so I’m always trying to actively be a part of the class discussion.
That said, whenever exams roll around, I’m always getting emails from people who I can’t even put a face to the name asking me to help them study. Today was our last class day of the semester, and I had a group of 5 or 6 people swarm me in my first class asking for my number “in case they needed help”.
Now, I’m perfectly fine with forming study groups and collaborating to study for the exams. This actually happened during midterms as well, and I agreed to help form a group study guide for one class on Google Docs. However, I was the ONLY person who was contributing to it, so eventually I just made a copy and did my own work.
I’m okay with studying with people, but when tons of people ask me for help and I’m not benefitting at all, it just feels like I’m a free tutor. I’m trying to see this from the point of view of people who might be struggling in class and just want help from someone, but it feels like I’m being taken advantage of just because they know I’m smart. Some of these people have literally never talked to me before beyond asking for exam help. AITA for just wanting to ignore them and do my own studying alone?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
7EqykiWg0yntqIj49IFVdNujNRHxnNQx
|
auf5te
|
{
"description": "telling 3 of my friends I was put in honors science",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling 3 of my friends I was put in honors science?
|
Sorry for poor formatting I’m on mobile.
So my science teacher recently told me that I was going to be recommended for honors science, even though I’m not in the more advanced math class ( which normally is the standard to be put in this class, but isn’t a prerequisite). I work very hard in my science class so the teacher recommended for the honors class regardless of my math class. I had told 3 of my friends that I was put into my class, two of which were also in that class and one who wasn’t in that class (though I thought he was in the class). I had struggled with school the year before so I was very enthusiastic about my achievement, so I came of as kind of loud and excited. My friend who wasn’t recommended for honors class (let’s call home 1). Expressed happiness for my achievement, like the good friend he is and then we shortly left school on our respective busses. When I get back home I start scrolling through reddit and notice 1 had texted me through the app a couple of times, where he goes on about how self centered I am and I shouldn’t brag about being in the science class due to the teacher liking me. When I was telling him about this I didn’t try to come off as bragging, and was just very proud of myself (as I said before I had struggled in school the year before). I completely disagree and the science teacher isn’t the type of person to play favorites. He also talked about since he’s in the harder math class he should have honors science, which came off kinda entitled but he was pretty obviously upset about this so I let it slide. He said that we were the same in science (which isn’t true I have a higher grade for this trimester and the yearly average) so he used that as further “evidence” of favoritism from said science teacher. 1 said he was also going to bed and not responding to any messages that day so I decided to wait until school tomorrow. When we arrived at lunch ( we have no classes together, so that’s the only time we really hangout at school) he didn’t say anything about it so I assumed he was no longer mad, and I’m non confrontational do I didn’t want to start any problems so I didn’t bring it up. I thought that we were done with this whole dilemma until I went into science class and the teacher told me that “someone” complained about me being put into honors math. This was on Friday so no further update on the school part, but AITA for telling 1 that I’m in that class, or is he TA for trying to get me out of honors class and getting mad at me for being the “favorite” of the science teacher. I honestly think this is an ESH situation but I need some feedback, so tell me Reddit who’s TA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
xDoSs0xAtDegd99ZFnSqR3xbDFcE8eGW
|
b223l3
| null |
WIBTA Headphones
|
Would it be rude if me to ask my roommates to use headphones when in the common areas? Luckily they don’t listen to anything inappropriate, however it is kind of annoying when I am trying to sleep in or watch tv, they listen to music which isn’t too bad , but I’d rather not listen to it they also FaceTime their families, which is why I am hesitant to say something cause I don’t want it to come across as rude and I don’t want them to feel bad for talking to their families... Please let me know if I am in the wrong/ being too petty about something so small...
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
pxO2xgHgXqEyQUkUAA3VrbL4LUQJmMOR
|
aifp76
|
{
"description": "not liking/feeling any affection for my family",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not liking/feeling any affection for my family?
|
(First post, not a native english speaker, maybe a little bit long post?)
It is not like I hate them, but I just can't seem to like my parents and brothers in any sort of way.
I feel this way for my parents because I was always forced to be like my two really intelligent brothers, so I never had the option to try things for myself. When I was in elementary school I had to always get 100s on tests or my dad would be insatisfied and I would have to study until midnight memorizing everything for the exams.
Not being able to sleep properly made me always be in a bad mood and angry so I wasn't able to make a lot of friendships through elementary school. I understand that its important to have good grades for your future and stuff but it still was a pain that I couldn't get a single "good job" if I got a 96 or 98. And it would get me angry some years later in middle school when my sister got a bad grade on an exam yet he didn't seem to care about it. I would get forced to play soccer or karate even if I wasn't good at it just because my dad wanted me to play and I would never actually play in anything official since I just naturally suck at most sports, yet I would still be looked down upom just because I'm not athletic enough.
As for my brothers, they didn't want me to hang out with them so I was always stuck on my parents room playing by myself. They mostly stayed on the living room and whenever I managed to be in there for a while my brother would talk about why do I even want to be there because I'm not talking at all or stuff like that. My sister mostly ignored me, but my brother was more like the asshole older brother you see on TV, so I was stuck being made fun of by him or treated roughly, and since we slept on the same room he would sometimes just throw my out of it for hours. Seems reasonale that being a little kid you could be annoying to older kids, but not having almost anywhere in your own house where you could feel comfortable and playing monopoly and LEGOs by myself for 7 years wasn't really fun at all.
After starting middle school and nowadays on my last year in high school my parents act like they were always nice and want me to talk with them more, yet I don't really have anything that I would like to talk with them about. My brother just sends me messages like if we were best friends or something and it annoys me a lot so I just never reply. I mostly am "accustomed" to being by myself both in school and at home, since I never experienced that much what it was like having fun or talking with others.
I sometimes feel I could be playing victim as those things happened in the past and I should move forward, but even if I try I don't think I can ever get to like my family.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
YxbH1x1MM3UmuAHNxIb1oJwikxRajXWe
|
aqee9l
|
{
"description": "making my friends do the dishes",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for making my friends do the dishes?
|
So I cook dinner for myself and three of my friends several nights a week (my roommate, my bf, his roommate). I like to cook so I don’t mind and I usually really enjoy it. The thing I don’t like is doing dishes, in fact I absolutely hate it to the point that it’s probably my least favorite chore. We don’t have a dishwasher so any time I cook someone has to do the dishes. Tonight I asked my friends if they would help out and wash them since I cooked dinner. They all pitched a fit about it until they finally gave in and helped me do it. I guess what I’m asking is, is it unreasonable for me to ask my friends to do the dishes when I cook dinner? Am I the asshole? cause that’s what they seemed to think
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
L4ZyOPTU60uS6bkD9sZFWGHSHEeYwdbN
|
aqiand
|
{
"description": "getting a girl pregnant and wanting nothing to do with them",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 27
}
|
AITA for getting a girl pregnant and wanting nothing to do with them?
|
Starting with the sperm donation, a lot of alcohol was consumed, I don't remember much of the night and the next thing I know I'm waking up in a stranger's bed. I don't know her and I quickly get out of there and proceed to never talk to her again.
Anyway, approximately 16 weeks later, it was almost forgotten about until a Facebook message came through from a name I didn't recognise. In the message, I'm told this person is pregnant and not only that but this child is mine.
So I replied that I don't want anything to do with this child and that she should get an abortion. It's worth mentioning that she lives in a country abortion is illegal, however, I offered to fly her to a country the procedure is legal. She declined. It's worth mentioning here that I have also said that will pay any child maintenance fees, although, I have still made it clear that, aside from my financial responsibilities, I want nothing to do with this child.
Most recently, she has asked me about "my boy" with the implication that I have a relationship with him. I told her that she chose to have a child, not me, and that you have to choose to be a father. I'm a sperm donor. She replied with just OK.
I'm writing this post because my mate thinks I'm an arsehole and I don't. What do you guys think?
tl;dr Got a girl pregnant and I don't wanna see the kid.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 22,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 27
}
|
WRONG
|
szy7ILZJfoGZBnoJYhe0HlTn8juB8Kom
|
avx9b9
|
{
"description": "telling a woman I didn't want to be serious and still hanging out with her at her suggestion",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling a woman I didn’t want to be serious and still hanging out with her at her suggestion?
|
We were casually going out starting in late October, and in late November I told her I didn’t see us getting serious because I was leaving town for a few months at the beginning of February and I didn’t see us working long distance. She said she understood and would still like to hang out while I was home so we did.
Fast forward to February, I am going to leave in a few days and we are still hanging out from time to time. I throw a going away party with some friends at my house and don’t invite her and she gets wind of it and gets upset, saying it was rude to lead her on. I remind her of the very upfront conversation we had in November, but she says that I had acted like I did want something serious and that’s why she hung around after we had that talk. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
GYmXsb97BNRqkGYnNouKrU1xTfmZywXx
|
ajoz39
|
{
"description": "supporting one of my friends breaking up with another one of my friends",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for supporting one of my friends breaking up with another one of my friends?
|
This happened almost a decade ago, but I think about it from time to time as it ruined a friendship and I find myself retracing the incident to see if maybe, as I grow older, I get a different perspective on the story.
When I was in high school, I had a major crush on a female friend of mine. For the sake of conversation, we’ll call her Hannah. Hannah was beautiful, funny, brilliant and had a heart of gold. She was truly a beacon of happiness for all of those around her. She would bring in homemade snacks frequently, and would make sure to make everyone feel special on their birthday, popular or otherwise. She was a very nice human being.
When we were freshman, Hannah started dating a junior who we will call Marcus. Marcus was honestly a pretty cool dude, but since he began to date my crush, I didn’t like him very much. As time went on though and I saw how happy they were together, my feelings for Hannah subsided. I dated other girls and came to be best friends with Marcus. Some of my best high school memories were hanging out with him (with or without Hannah).
When Marcus graduated high school, he went to a nearby university to pursue a degree in business. His goal was to finish his degree while maintaining a relationship with Hannah, and it started out very well. As time went on, their relationship began to strain and you could feel Marcus wanting to potentially end it.
Hannah was determined that they were soulmates and that they would be together forever. They lost their virginity to one another and had dated for nearly 4 years.
As the relationship continued to fall apart, everyone around them could see the writing on the wall. Family and friends were already prepping for the “divorce,” where each person gets a subset of the friends and such. The two of them continued to struggle to make it work. Even watching a movie together would usually somehow end up with bickering.
Marcus and I both happened to work at the same dead end job (perfect for a high schooler/college student though). Since the university he was attending was so close to home, he continued to work at the same place while going to school. He already knew the ropes and management knew he had a really good work ethic.
At our job, a new young lady was hired. She was a nice, and obviously had a crush on Marcus. Marcus quickly realized this. He asked me what he should do. I said, “You need to do what you feel is right. If that happens to be dating the new girl, that is fine. You just HAVE TO break up with Hannah first.”
He dreaded breaking her heart, but he decided that it was time to end the relationship. I honestly don’t know how he did it, but I would guess that he did via text message. It goes without saying that you should do something like that face to face, but that was his decision.
Anyways, the next day in school, Hannah says to me, “Marcus said that he wants to break up, but he didn’t mean it.” I was shocked, and assumed that Marcus had talked to her and decided that they would try to make it work.
The next time I worked with Marcus, I asked him how his relationship with Hannah was going. “What relationship...?” “Well dude,” I said, “She says that you two are still going out.” Marcus is clearly upset and says “I told her I wanted to end it, and she said that I was just confused and didn’t know what I was saying. What should I do?” I told him that if he actually told her that they were breaking up, then he is no longer in a relationship with her. The end. With my agreement, regarding whether or not his relationship was actually over, he proceed to spend time with the new girl at work.
A few days later in school, Hannah approaches me in Calculus. She is yelling, in front of the whole class, about how I betrayed her and how I encouraged Marcus to cheat on her.
“Did he tell you that you two were over,” I questioned. “Yes, but he didn’t mean it,” she shouted back. “Then it’s over! He has the right to end a relationship! The same right as you,” I told her. She stomped off and never spoke to me again.
While she was nice and kind to everyone over the four years I knew her in high school, she had become manipulative and mean towards Marcus. Not to say that he was a perfect boyfriend by any means, but she just wasn’t as friendly or nice to him as the years went on. It made me grateful we never dated and almost like I dodged a bullet.
Anyways, I haven’t talked to her since that day in Calculus. I did, in a very “what are the odds” kind of moment, run into Hannah and Marcus in a coffee shop in my hometown last year. None of us live in that town anymore, let alone that state. It was the Christmas season though, so I’d assume we were all back to visit family. Regardless, I walked up to them and said “Well I’ll be damned. Look who it is!” I quickly realized that my presence wasn’t welcomed and I grabbed a table on the other side of the cafe. Even though I clearly saw them, they made sure to slip out the side door, even though they were parked right in front of the main door and I could see their entire “getaway.”
I know this was a long story, but essentially, AITA for saying my friend Marcus was actually broken up with Hannah, assuming what he told me was the truth?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
DmnbJqr9x8cG5JBSMzfPGGULIMzECE4u
|
b7iprt
| null |
AITA for how I handled a roommate moving out?
|
This is from late 2018. I’m a college student renting a house with 4 others. The rent is a little higher than other off-campus living options mainly because the house is a 10 minute walk from campus.
Background: I knew everyone in the house pretty well, we had all gone from the same dorm and gotten along really well. There was drama here and there but we all stayed on good terms when it mattered. After our year in the dorms was up, we rented together. Things were not perfect. One of them who I’ll call Mike occasionally clashed with another who I’ll call Jane (house is coed). Jane and Mike had some issues occasionally, partially from some stuff I won’t share here but also because Mike is pretty messy, and often had some very weak excuses for not cleaning up his messes. His bedroom was also very messy. Jane and Mike mostly stayed away from each other, pretty much the only combination of 2 in our group who didn’t get along. Mike and I were pretty close, he was one of the people I really connected with when I came up to college.
​
I knew for a while that Mike was having some academic and financial issues. Months ago he offhandedly brought up that he might need to dropout and move at some point, but this was something that had been said before the previous year, so I didn’t think much of it at the time.
​
With about three weeks left in the semester just after we return from Thanksgiving break, Mike and I are driving, picking up a pizza as it was easier to just use a second person so the driver didn’t need to park. He then tells me that he’ll be moving out at the end of the semester, for real this time. He adds that he’s going to take a day or possibly two over at a different house, rented by mutual friends about 20 miles over in the next city. I internally shit myself since now we have 3 weeks to find a new person or everyone’s rent goes up by $115. When we get back he says that I can/should tell the others about this, packs some overnight stuff, and leaves. Mike’s gone for the rest of the week, with little to no communication in the meantime.
​
Later a friend offers to help spread the word and asks for pictures of the room, so I clear out enough garbage (to give you a mental image, a solid 6 inches of bags and wrappers on most floor surfaces) to take not-appalling pictures. When Mike returns for a day to pick up some stuff, he’s furious about this. I say that I wouldn’t violate privacy like this if I thought I had other options but for the most part stand my ground. He leaves a while after to go back to the other house, and it became entirely the rest of our jobs to find a new person. I can’t thank my other roommates enough for their work on this because they’re much better with people than I am, but in the end Mike never really pulled his own weight on the issue. Months later he and I are still friends but we talk a lot less. I want some closure on this from a neutral party. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
6BscVJH8FRN4huZOFQDfwGh6L9nS0r4P
|
a6tyvb
|
{
"description": "telling my best friend she has to lose weight",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
AITA for telling my best friend she has to lose weight?
|
I created this throwaway just today because I don't want her to find this post. I'll keep it minimalist.
I've been friends with this person for over 10 years starting when we were very young, probably 7 or 8. I've always been a bit heavier than my other friends, but that doesn't say much when most of my other friends are dancers and athletes. In fact, we've both always been usually the heavier people in the group until about 2 or 3 years ago when I lost 15 pounds and my BMI became around a 20. She was now the "odd one out" when it came to weight.
I recently entered a relationship while my friend has been pining for someone for a while. One day, she just straight out asked me, "Why doesn't anyone like me?" I explained that it wasn't her, it was them, and that being in a relationship should not define you. I thought it was the end of that. Turns out that instead, she became depressed and gained 25 pounds. She was now obese. I supported her until she got better, but her complaining just continued.
Recently, she's been trying to find clothes that she can wear to a party, complaining that everywhere she goes, nothing is in her size. One day, I got fed up and told her, "Maybe you should try going on a diet or something." She didn't take this lightly and accused me of calling her fat. I told her, straight, that maybe it wouldn't hurt to lose a few pounds so that she has something to wear, but she didn't listen and has since then ghosted me.
Am I in the wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 19
}
|
WRONG
|
WQz3KVIruIAeoorAMCYABQNPYvV4J6T2
|
az8rn0
|
{
"description": "asking a guy on a ski lift to stop smoking and wait until he's off the lift",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for asking a guy on a ski lift to stop smoking and wait until he’s off the lift?
|
This happened yesterday. I went skiing with a couple friends and eventually split up for about a half hour so they could grab something to eat. As I was getting on a lift, the guy in the seat in front of me lit a cigarette. He kept puffing on it over and over again until he looked like a fucking chimney and wouldn’t stop. All his second-hand smoke was going straight back into my face and I was starting to get annoyed. I tried pulling my mask over my nose and mouth but that didn’t help at all. Eventually, about halfway up, I asked him “hey man could you put that out until we get to the top? It’s blowing right back into my face.” He turned around, told me to “deal with it” and kept smoking away. The lift is about 10 minutes and even though that’s not much, it was enough to push me to the brink. Once we got to the top, I asked him again to be more courteous to those around him when he’s smoking. He replied “man shut the fuck up” and gave me the finger. I said “if you’re that hooked on cigs that you can’t cut it out for ten damn minutes, maybe you should seek help” and slid away. He swore at me a couple more times as I was heading down towards one of the hills and said I’m a cunt for “giving someone shit for an addiction”
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
qPqR4z8UozObsOkMENqeX2U0dgv23Kis
|
amgt6k
|
{
"description": "starting up the same type of business as my brother-in-law after working for him for 3 years",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for starting up the same type of business as my brother-in-law after working for him for 3 years?
|
Some backstory (and I'm as I'm sort of emotional over some of the things that were said to me, I am trying my very best to be even handed but may not be successful):
I married my wife 5 years ago and went to work using my MBA. I quickly got sick of feeling like I was just trading emails around so I quit. My brother in law offered me temporary job in his business. I don't want to be specific but it's a skilled trade type job where we make medical appliances for individuals. I quickly found the work fascinating and since we work in things like gold, silver, plasters and acrylics, it's a very "artisan" oriented job and I actually really enjoy my finished products. Plus there's some satisfaction that I am helping people live more comfortable lives.
But my brother-in-law hazed the fuck out of me for the lack of a better term. He was just shitty to me. My sister says he's always been like this but unlike my MBA job I could clock out at 5 and be done with it, plus I like other people I worked with.
So three things happened in the last year. One is that I found out my Brother in Law was paying me about 3/5 of what he was paying everyone else who does my job and I was making even less than a brand new hire who had just come on. At that point I started looking for other work. 2nd thing that happened was I overheard a dinner conversation between BIL and another brother in law in that the one I worked for was wasting close to half a million dollars a year because he just wasn't getting stuff out on time, losing customers, being inefficient and his employees stealing precious metals from him. He also said he was helpless to do anything about it. Thirdly, I was doing a delivery and one of the doctors who installs our stuff asked me who did a certain piece. I told him that it was one of mine. He said the quality was heads and tails above anyone else and that he was so sick of my BIL's lateness and dismissive attitude that he would happily provide me with some financial backing to start my own business.
So I went home that night and talked with my wife and she was in full favor of it. This was in late October so I quit my BIL, started doing as much as I could at home with the tools and equipment I had. We hired a lawyer who drew up incorporation documents and as of today I am 55%/45% owner with the doctor. We have 10 employees and I've been literally working myself to the bone but happily doing so.
I figured there was plenty of business in the state but wanted to avoid stepping on my BILs toes but when other clients found out I was in business, the abandoned him en-masse. So much so that he has had to dramatically drop his prices in order to keep the ones who would stay. But I still get calls almost daily from his clients. At this point, I have to turn them away because I'm too busy but I am in the process of hiring more people (some of the worked for my BIL).
I'm sorry I'm getting to the point. My Father in law had a birthday lunch today. We were invited by my mother in law but my wife and I didn't even make it through the door before pretty much all her brothers and sisters (7 of them) told us that we were complete assholes for what we've done and we are no longer welcome at family events.
Am I the asshole?
tl;dr: I opened the same type of business as my brother in law after working for him for 3 years. He was complete shit to me both in attitude and pay and I found out he wasn't a great businessman. I was invited by one of his clients to start a business with him so I did. Now we are not welcome at family events .
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 33,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 33,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
RIGHT
|
GQOR9J1Qwl65a9tTmo4ulmsRq0AEeaO8
|
ai8cqb
| null |
AITA: my boyfriend stole and i told on him
|
AITA?
{P- person who owns house
T-boyfriend}
Okay so, I was at a friend's house for the football game. My boyfriend (T) stole some of their wine. When outside yelling at him (T) about it, the person (P) who owns the house came outside and yelled at us for making so much noise. I then got held by the throat for trying to tell the (p) person about my boyfriend stealing wine because I felt I was in the right for telling P (he would have been caught anyway, he stole half a bottle of Sherry and put the empty bottle in the fridge) because apparently I was too loud. (p held me by the throat and threw me on ice because he didn't care, was just upset about volume.
Now I am with my boyfriend (T) and he is blaming me and saying I am the asshole for ratting (T) him out, though I could not see how I could have NOT. The people (P and family) would have noticed it being gone and would have blamed ME because I used to be homeless and had to steal for a living. And being held by the throat makes you wanna spill. So I did.
My boyfriend only stole because he was sad because I had to go back to an abusive mom today. Didn't end up happening because of all this.
So am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
N123lTWvUx3vW6yvyJBPO6eAApH9CRhf
|
b0mctp
|
{
"description": "telling the woman my ex is seeing that he's highly abusive",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I told the woman my ex is seeing that he's highly abusive?
|
This is somewhat related to my post from yesterday which you can read here:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/b0fbgz/aita_for_not_wanting_my_best_friend_to_talk_to_my/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Just to reiterate, me and my ex broke up a bit less than a year ago in a very public and emotionally taxing scenario. We had been on and off for nearly 9 years and it was mostly hell for me. Calling me pathetic, stupid, bitch, cunt, literally anything you can think of. Throwing things at me, choking me, getting belligerently drunk almost every night and starting fights over TV shows and really dumb things. On more than one occasion he left marks on my neck and arms because of grabbing or choking or holding me against the wall. I'm still not really over what happened if I'm going to be honest.
I've learned through other sources that he's been seeing someone, and I have access to her Facebook account. I have a strong urge to send her a message telling her to be careful and maybe send her some screenshots I still have where he admits to the physical and emotional abuse. I'm torn on the morality of this though. Everyone in this scenario is an adult and can make their own choices, but I honestly just don't want anyone to be treated like I was.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
1Y3lAdB1qPRAIkU4YYJg86wQ3xN0GNM8
|
b6o1b6
|
{
"description": "unknowingly pressuring my gf to have sex because I felt pressured to have sex",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for unknowingly pressuring my gf to have sex because I felt pressured to have sex?
|
Back in 2011 I met this girl who was amazing in every single way at least in my eyes at the time. Before we started dating, we revealed facts about ourselves that we think the other person should know. One thing she told me was that she was no longer a virgin at 15 years old. (She thought it was a deal breaker because her ex told her so. I didn't mind.) One thing I told her was that I was a virgin and I was devoid of any sexual experience except making out.
We started going out and we would hang out all by ourselves and nothing sexually would happen because I was trying to be respectful while getting to know her. Anyway, when we would make out, she gets frustrated that I was not making a move so she would grab my hands and put it in places that she wanted to. That started a few months of me pleasuring her without her doing anything to me because I would decline politely. She always took the lead at this point. A few months later she really wanted to do stuff to me too so that happened and it eventually led to her wanting to have sex. I expressed my hesitations to do it but she would get mad and offended as to why I don't want to go through with it. I explained my anxiety about the whole thing and that I was just trying to be respectful whenever I don't make a move during our time alone. It was a constant friction for us that one time I finally said screw it. Let's do it.
We finally did it and it slowly turned into a daily thing. I finally got comfortable with it but I was still not making the first move usually whenever it happens. Because she complained about it, I started making the first move when I feel like something's about to happen. Months of this happened and she said she was happy about the sex life. If we didn't see each other for 4 days she would throw herself at me for some action. That kind of thing and frequency. Further down the line, one time during sex which started organically, she started crying in the middle. I stopped and asked her what happened. She told me that she felt pressured to have sex with me for as much sex as we had. I was confused by this because she pretty much set the rules for what she wanted from me regarding sex. She didn't want to talk about it and we didn't.
I stopped making moves starting that day but we still had sex when she got turned on but a lot less often. She would still get mad at me even if it was her making the first move. She ended up not wanting to make out because it might lead to sex. So after these, we had a couple of years of relationship where we only held hands, hugged, and a quick kiss on the lips at most for intimacy. Other than the sex, the relationship day to day was good until the last few months before breaking up. The whole relationship lasted for 6 years and we only broke up due to an unrelated reason.
We never got another try to discuss what went wrong in our sex life. I've been thinking about it for a while now and I just want to know. Reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
b3Rf6rudmArJMQ62VUzYaCc46W0WRkZP
|
b7for6
|
{
"description": "not telling my mother that my brother took some of my weed",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not telling my mother that my brother took some of my weed?
|
My brother is 9 years younger than me. He comes over to spend the night sometimes. More now especially since he will be going off to college soon. Last night he was here and he must have found and gotten into my pot stash when I was grabbing our dinner. There’s a noticeable amount missing, way more than he could have smoked so I think he took some to take back with him to our mom’s.
My mother is an absolute nazi about weed. I was grounded for a month when I got caught smoking with two friends and those two friends were never allowed back over. I think if I told her that I had some at my place and he took it she would put an end to him being able to visit. I’m pissed that he went through my shit and stole from me, but I don’t want him to not be able to visit. Especially since pretty soon I’m not going to be able to spend much time at all with him. I feel kinda like an asshole because it’s her house her rules and now he has weed over there, but just for the sake of peace I want to deal with his punk ass myself and leave my mother out of it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
PzY1VI8gU0HRltc39NzkBcf7mmi9v679
|
b6b73e
|
{
"description": "telling queer students to stop saying straights aren't real",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
WIBTA if I told queer students to stop saying straights aren't real?
|
So I'm in college and I'm a straight, cis-genderd woman. I'm involved in some clubs on campus of which people of every sexual orientation and gender identity are a part of. I'm very fortunate to be involved in things with such acceptance and diversity, and usually we all just coexist.
Recently, theres been a lot of joking about how "everyone here is gay" and "straight people aren't even real."
I really feel like I don't have the right to ask them to stop because I'm sure they've heard that however they identify isnt real over and over in their lives, and I truly have had a privileged life. Sometimes I just feel like the joking is a little hypocritical.
It feels like such a minor, irrelevant thing so I should just keep my mouth shut. On the other hand, those kinds of jokes just make me want to not be around them because I would never joke about their sexual orientation or gender identity in that way. On the other, other, hand, I am the privileged person and jokes about my sexual orientation don't really matter in the grand scheme.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 14
}
|
RIGHT
|
NfCHcRRmut2aD0P7nRPocWGm7tWYA0pm
|
az8i2v
|
{
"description": "trying to get a loud movie goer kicked out",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA: [Spoiler warning] For trying to get a loud movie goer kicked out?
|
*Mild Spoilers for Captain Marvel*
So yesterday was my birthday and I went to see Captain Marvel. I generally enjoy the MCU so I thought it would be fun. I went with some old work friends and my dad tagged along.
The theater for the most part is empty. There were probably 3 other groups/pairs for this showing.
When the previews started the first one was for Shazam and that's when it started. I have heard the term "Legbeard" before from reddit and have seen people that by appearance would be described as such but I never thought of them as such because you never know how a person will act.
This person acted the part. She started yelling at the screen saying how "Carol Danvers is the REAL Captain Marvel" and going on saying DC was shit. She acted up again during the "Dark Phoenix" preview yelling for Jean to kill all the males. Then there was this preview of a movie with Anne Hathaway and Rebel Wilson. I was unable to catch the name but basically the two are thieves/grifters. A scene played for comedy is Rebel Wilson pretending to be blind and she gropes Anne and says something like "Sir, could you please give me some room? Sir?" basically a small boob joke and this woman did not like that and said it was Hollywood misogyny.
The movie starts and she is quiet. I didn't say anything during the previews because they were previews and I was hoping it would end. But it didn't.
There are scenes in the movie where guys are being assholes. Like a pilot saying "You know why they call it the cockpit?" and a skeezy guy on a bike whistling at Carol and asking her to smile and even her mentor does some shitty stuff. Anyway whenever there was a shitty dude onscreen or a "girl power" moment this lady would keep yelling shit at the screen like "fuck that asshole" "Yeah carol kick him in the dick" or other stuff. Luckily there were no younger kids in this showing. One group looked like late Jr high or early high school but they seemed uncomfortable because they were all guys.
Anyway I had enough so I went to talk to some of the workers there to see if they could quiet her down. I told and usher and a ticket taker but no one came to the theater. I got up again and talked to the concessions manager but nothing happened then either. Finally afterword I found the actual shift manager and he came in and talked to the woman. No idea what was said but it did not help because she was back at yelling at the screen.
My friends who I went with were upset because they said I should just let the woman have her fun. Usually when we go to movies we go to a place that serves alcohol and is known for getting rowdy so they are used to this behavior. I purposely had us go to a Cinemark because I didn't want that behavior for this movie because it was my birthday and I wanted to enjoy it.
TL;DR - My friends think I am the asshole for trying to get a loud person kicked out of the theater.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
XZt7HVE9mNVOb7EWyNGV0gNOWImXRfmc
|
b09pvm
|
{
"description": "not wanting my BIL to run a background check on my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting my BIL to run a background check on my boyfriend?
|
Last summer I moved into my sisters, well, shed basically. There’s no insulation so it’s impossible to heat (this winter dropped to 9*F), there’s a sort of kitchen but no counter space or cupboards, a breaker trips if I have more than a couple things plugged in and running, and it’s full of spiders and beetles. I pay rent & utilities similar to what I’d pay for studio in the area. My boyfriend and I have been talking abut getting a place together, and then this month his rent went up by a ridiculous amount. We decided to start looking for a place immediately, but I said in the mean time he could stay with me. Now, he’s been staying with me nearly every night for the last 3 months so I didn’t think it would be an issue. I told my sister what was our plan was, and she said they were fine with it. But then a few hours later she said that she talked with her husband and he wants to run a background check on him and draft a rental contract. I feel really uncomfortable with this for a few reasons. I’ve been paying them cash at their request to rent a crummy shed (I also dog sit for them and shuttle their kids around as needed). And my BF isn’t a stranger to them; they’ve met, we’ve had dinners and board game nights and drinks together. And like I said, he’s basically been here for 3 months already. I understand I am in their space and I want to be respectful of that, but I feel like it’s an unnecessary invasion of privacy. Am I the asshole if I don’t want to agree to a background check?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
2QSWdXUnMx79lskKgTFx1i26lfs1gJOr
|
a90wox
|
{
"description": "wanting to just leave my mother and brother",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to just leave my mother and brother
|
My mother is someone who wants to be the “cool mom” and often gangs up on me with my brother and his friend who lives with us. For example, my minor brother drinks all the time and openly talks about it, when I told him not to drink and drive he got angry and began yelling about how I act like a second mother and just need to shut up, my mom then will get involved and tell me to be quiet because I’m acting like a “pretentious bitch”. Anything can set them off, I admit, yes sometimes I say things that I probably shouldn’t, but sometimes I’ll just say I don’t like a tv character and they will start. On top of this my brother is extremely disrespectful in every regard, especially to my mom, but when he’s yelling at her she sits there but when he leaves she takes it out on me and gets angry about mundane things I do that didn’t rectify the situation. At this point I’m old enough to get my own apartment and everyday I get closer to getting one in a different city and not looking back. Part of me feels bad but I just don’t care I’m the long run, I want to leave and not talk to them or visit them. I’m tired of being an outsider, however when I bring this up people tell me that I shouldn’t do things like that to my mother and that I should change my attitude
So reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
i99vH2iSJrwYWInlghYY72kcm8xpGnBh
|
auxg8t
|
{
"description": "expecting my mom to want to support me through my first delivery and post partum",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for expecting my mom to want to support me through my first delivery and post partum?
|
I'm expecting my first child soon and envisioned my mother visiting for a couple weeks before my due date and a couple weeks after (she doesn't have a job). I figured she would help prepare for the birth, throw a baby shower, help around the house, help with new baby, and provide emotional support through the ordeal. She and I could make food like when I was a kid, get massages together, watch movies, and generally bond over my transition to motherhood.
But she lives out of state with a husband who doesn't want to come and a cat with failing health. Every time we talk on the phone she proposes staying for shorter and shorter time, complains about the hassle of a baby shower, mentions problems about overpopulation in the world, and makes coming to visit and help sound like an inconvenience to her.
I'm ready to give up on the fantasy that she will be emotionally good to have around during what I expect will be a difficult few weeks and just telling her not to come.
AITA for expecting her to drop everything and want to take care of me and her grandchild?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
KOEIxiNL0HH5Ax8rKW5hhlPYmuOSKMGR
|
b0v3c2
|
{
"description": "keeping my group mates accountable",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for keeping my group mates accountable?
|
So, I'm currently a student in my second year at a business college. So far, I've taken strictly online classes and been put in many group projects.. and I've hated every single one. As a preface, online classes are on 7 week terms, so they are really fast-paced. So, I'm in a project management course right now and we were assigned groups for a 5-week project.
So, I created a slack channel for all of the members to join so that everyone can respond on time and have no excuses. This was created Tuesday afternoon. All throughout today (Wed) they have been joining the channel. I greeted each individual as they joined and only one responded throughout the entire day (we'll call him Member #1). Keep in mind, at midnight tonight (Wed) we have a project due on software we were assigned. I started messaging our Slack group chat at around 7PM and Member #1 was the only one that responded to me for 2 hours. We ended up figuring out everything we had to do and finished the work with no sign of the other group members. Keep in mind, in Slack, when you swipe to the left, you are able to see who is online and physically looking at the chat. I saw the other group members online and looking at the chat multiple times while Member #1 and I were talking. I then asked if they were in the chat and able to respond and got no response. Long story short, Member #1 and I finished our work at around 10PM.
Now that Member #1 and I were done, I filled out an evaluation form for the group that's used for tracking our progress throughout the 5 weeks. I marked the other group members as 0 participation and noted in the spreadsheet that they did not discuss with Member #1 and I about the work even once. I mentioned it's not a huge deal and that I talked to them about it individually in hopes that things will improve in the future. I then messaged the Slack chat and told the non-participating members that I marked them as 0 participation, that it's nothing serious, and that I hope that the communication can improve for the future. I honestly would've waited for them to respond until midnight, but they literally did not say a word to me all day in our group chat in addition to ignoring my message throughout the conversation when I asked them if they were in the chat while I saw they were online.
I personally think I was a little harsh about it, but I also think that it was a solid leadership move to keep them accountable. I asked my dad about it and he said "if I was a 30 year old guy in that class and some young kid was talking to me like that, I wouldn't respond just out of spite." I thought that was an extremely arrogant POV and still warrants them to be kept accountable.
TLDR; college class group members didn't respond once after being in a group chat and watching the conversation while me and another member got the work done. I submitted a review saying they had a zero participation ranking and told them they need to better their communication for the future. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
8oqzXzx3RFvXNWQjjUL826xVcdbQszOi
|
b1vbfy
|
{
"description": "not paying for a drink at a bar",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not paying for a drink at a bar?
|
So we were watching a football match at a bar and there was a shit tone of people, we orderes the drinks we wanted, the waitress took our oreder, gave it to us.
Later she came to pick the empty bottles from the table and didn't give us the bill, almost 2 hours passed and we forgot what we ordered.
When I had to go home I completely forgot to pay becuase I didn't get the bill and forgot.
Am I the asshole??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
WJCRba7BIXcXemxn1GpGPlbPu4FsvtKf
|
b4yjxq
|
{
"description": "not letting my so help me cross the street",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not letting my SO help me cross the street?
|
I’m (24F) in a fairly new relationship with this guy, let’s call him M (23M); we’ve been together for about 3 months. He’s slightly more “traditional” in some ways; he likes to open doors for me, wants me to walk in front of him, etc. (this is relevant).
We live in a huge city, and it’s extremely common for people to cross the street when the WALK sign is not lit if there are no cars coming, or even if there are cars but they are a block or more away. I noticed recently that when we’re out together, whenever I try to cross the street like this-- even when other people are also crossing-- his reflex is to snatch my arm and pull me back, as if I were about to run in front of a car. At first, I found it kind of endearing, like “aw, he’s worried about my safety”, and chalked it up to his other “traditional” behaviors, but now I’ve started to dislike it; it startles me, is unnecessary and feels a little insulting, like he doesn’t trust me to handle myself. I hadn’t said anything until last night because I still felt that his intentions were good.
Cut to last night. We were heading back home after drinking with friends. I was definitely drunk but not blacked out or sloppy; I wasn’t falling over or confused. I started to cross a street that had very slow traffic, but I was not near a car and there were lots of other people crossing. He grabbed me and pulled me back as he usually does, and at that moment, it pissed me off. I didn’t say anything, but I yanked my arm back and continued crossing without him.
Once we were alone, we got into an argument about it; me giving him attitude by pulling away really hurt him. He said that he was just trying to look out for my safety, it wasn’t just because I was girl and he would have done that with any of his friends, and he thought I was going to run in front of a car because I was drunk. He was mad enough that he said didn’t want to see me for a couple days.
I apologized and thanked him for looking out for me, and explained how it made me feel. He apologized too, but he’s still unhappy with me. Reddit what should I do? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
5vhtHI4cp0eVjCw491hPbeXOIiICMfGX
|
azmfpj
|
{
"description": "not calling and thanking family for christmas gifts",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
WIBTA if i didn’t call and thank family for christmas gifts?
|
I have extended family that mailed me christmas gifts (gift cards and checks) and i never got around to calling and thanking them. I feel like an a hole and I want to call now, but I feel like an a hole calling.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
5RTzQT1VUA5wPPulZRdGfgTCmmut7QgB
|
ayk3xx
|
{
"description": "feeling this way",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
Aita for feeling this way
|
Obligatory sorry for mobile
So my gf left me the day before my birthday. I had recently gone to uni and she couldn't handle the distance. She claimed to loved me a lot and wanted me to be the one, and I loved her to bits, but it was a mutual break up as the distance was soul crushing.
That night, I spent the early hours of my 19th birthday opening 2 gashes ln my lower stomach. It's dark, but you get the idea on the feelings I had for this girl (I don't want sympathy, I'm doing better now that my meds have kicked in).
The break up went pretty smooth and I have been managing since, although there definitely still are feelings, I know it was for the best.
Well it's now 2 weeks later, and I learned that she's sleeping with a work colleague. It felt a bit off, and I don't feel jealous, but it felt a bit disrespectful that after 2 weeks she jumps into hooking up with friends. I told her how I felt, and she started getting super defensive and gaslighting me saying I have no right to involve myself in this and we're no longer together I can do whatever I want. And I get that, she can do what she wants.
But I feel completely betrayed, the fact she gets so defensive and tell me she wishes she didn't tell me and blames me for how I feel tells me that she knew it wasn't right to do that so soon. And it makes me feel that the whole 2 years of relationship we had was more about attention (which was a long suspicion I had but put out of mind, and this suspicion was well-founded) than it was genuine feelings.
Learning this has made me feel like I don't know her anymore and has really torn me apart a second time since the break-up. I get she can do what she wants, but 2 weeks, I feel, is way too short to be respectful to feelings the other person may still have, and the way she manipulatively defended it feels like the whole relationship was just superficial.
I feel like I don't know who she really is anymore.
I don't know. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
p61s9uj9sumVlsRiuWk3gPJVHN9s8Pqn
|
a1k1xk
|
{
"description": "getting angry at my dad for failing to pick me up from school for an appointment",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for getting angry at my dad for failing to pick me up from school for an appointment?
|
I was supposed to have a doctors appointment today during school hours and my dad was supposed to pick me up at around 10 o’clock. He tells me before I leave that he’s picking me up “a quarter till”. I have absolutely no idea what that means and it’s really hard telling time with my dad so I ask him again before I had to go. He keeps telling me a quarter till like I’m supposed to understand what that means. I was pretty sure he meant 15 after 10 and I was already late so I had to go.
It’s 10:15 and I wait outside for my dad and he doesn’t show up. I call him and he said he already left and it’s my fault for not showing up. He said he already took my Xbox and I won’t be able to use it the entire weekend. Keep in mind, he didn’t call or text ONCE to ask where I was and just left. I don’t think it’s justified at all to be treating me like this especially after knowing I have trouble understanding what he’s saying a lot of the time. I send him a text explaining this and he calls me disrespectful and “to stupid to understand” and that I need to “shut up and listen.” He continues to insult me over text and at this point I’m just mad cause I’m gonna be bored. Called me a POS. Am I the asshole?
Tl;dr: My dad doesn’t pick me up after giving me confusing instructions. He punishes me and insults me over text. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
nLZvA4Z6DkmphyPNPVcds1OqiABiRMnV
|
axw6se
|
{
"description": "thinking it's weird that a friend charged me for food",
"pronormative_score": 307,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for thinking it's weird that a friend charged me for food?
|
So my friend invited me over for dinner the other day and made pasta. It was a nice evening and I enjoyed every second of it. A couple of days later, we met up again. I was owing her money because of some Uber rides we shared etc. and was planning on paying her back that day. When she told me how much I owed her, I was a bit confused. I expected it to be around 10 Dollars. Instead, she said it was 25 Dollars. When I asked why, she listed it up: "7$ for our Uber ride to x, 5$ for our Uber ride to y and 13$ for the ingredients I used for the pasta."
It's not only the fact that she charged me for dinner, it's also that she charged me a lot for it imo. I gave her the money without any objections because I didn't want to be petty. But honestly, the next time she invites me over for dinner, I'll probably decline.
Part of me thinks that the way I feel is justified but I also might just be overreacting. What do you guys think? AITA?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
RMUPbkBL6HNBZeuQ8u05zodSiXBO7iTi
|
b6ibvz
|
{
"description": "submitting a complaint to a retail worker's manager",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 23
}
|
AITA for submitting a complaint to a retail worker’s manager?
|
using an alternative account as i don’t like posting with my real account.
so a few days ago i was shopping for a dress to wear to a wedding with my husband. i had a $200 gift voucher for one of the stores in the mall so we stopped there first. when we entered i wasn’t greeted immediately, which annoyed me. retail is supposed to be about customer service. but i started looking at the formal dress rack when the lady working there greeted my husband and not me! eventually i found a dress that i liked but i needed a size 16 which they didn’t have. so i had to ask the lady if she could look for a size 16 which i really didn’t like. retail employees are supposed to approach you! and then she took the dress and started typing something into her computer. i firmly asked her again to help me look for a size 16 and she just said that she was looking for another size through the system. computers are not accurate!!! i wanted her to physically look. i told her that i would keep looking, and says “ok no problem” and then starts talking to her coworker!!! horrible service. i ended up leaving the store and driving to another mall so i could use the voucher. today i went into the bad store and it was just her manager working. i made a full complaint to the manager and she said that she would handle the situation. i believe i did the right thing but my nephew is disagreeing with me. am i the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
31RJ3GvXe4mC7TPzedw12SQxofBalAPI
|
aw09sk
|
{
"description": "taking away something that my brother uses multiple times a day",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for taking away something that my brother uses multiple times a day?
|
I don't usually post my problems, but I really don't know what to do.
So my older brother(29) and I(17) have always had problems. He's always been mean to me and doesn't seem to care about my well being like he does our sister(19). We both live with our mother(54). My mom had gained custody of me 2 years ago. I brought my stuff and I had a Keurig. He really likes coffee, so I let him use it under the condition that he cleans it just enough that it doesn't get disgusting. I rarely use and when I do I use it for hot water, which is another reason why I'm not sure if I'm being the asshole or not. He had been using it for awhile and I decided to use it so I could have some tea. I thought that since I was using it, I should wipe it down a little. This is what I call his "first offence". The tray was so sticky that the top wouldn't come off and when it did come off I discovered that there was mold growing inside of it. I was disgusted and told him to clean it or he would lose the right to use the Keurig. He didn't, until three days later when my mom yelled at him for it. He started buying water filters for it after that, so I let him continue using it.
The "second offense" came a little later. This isn't as bad, but after the mold incident I was less forgiving. He wouldn't clean out the ground that would collect in the top. So I asked him that if he was going to use it for coffee, if he could clean out the grounds that got left there. He didn't, until my sister got involved.
The "third offense" is actually four of the same occurrences. When he would switch out the filters he would always misplace one, or he just wouldn't see it sitting there on the self. If he didn't see it he would yell at mom and me for moving his things. After the fourth time of this I took my Keurig, cleaned it out and packed it away for until I move, so that he can't use it.
It belongs to me, so I feel like it shouldn't be a big deal if I take it away, but why do I feel like the asshole. Am I the asshole for taking it away?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
dIGaz24xnVZWwek9Rnn2uFDGwNqk1WGa
|
a7vyvn
|
{
"description": "giving 3 lunch servers a christmas present and not the others",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for giving 3 lunch servers a christmas present and not the others.
|
I'm a junior in high school and I am celebrating Christmas by giving my teachers and other people chocolate. Now I gave only the lunch servers that served juniors to seniors chocolate because I see them the most. I feel horrible for not giving chocolate to the other lunch servers because they get paid so little and rarely anyone is nice to them, or even acknowledges them.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
9ssMy9YPeUAk9XvNruo5pLbrNP2mTk6f
|
b6ot2s
|
{
"description": "leaving my work high and dry",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For leaving my work high and dry?
|
This is a throw away account since I did not want any of my coworkers or friends linking me to it.
Heres a little back story -
I have worked with this company for 3 1/2 years, I almost never have missed a day prior and have not taken more then 15 days vacation in that entire time period - since I do online schooling and can not afford it while doing so and paying for my schooling out of pocket.
These past 2 months have been HELL, my brother and his fiance got into a horrid accident that left both of them in hospital (head on collision on the high way), my mother found out she needs a kidney transplant and of course the cherry on top was myself passing 3 pulmonary embolisms! Fun month.
I took 2 weeks of personal days (5 business days since we are only open mon-friday) in total taking 10 of my 14 personal days of the year.
UPON RETURNING TO WORK
They had someone in MY DESK, I was shocked but walked over to the HR office and asked what was going on. This was the response:
"Good, you are here finally." - I was 20 minutes early but ok.
"You have missed a lot of work and we have to discuss it, this is your written warning"
"Im sorry, Im not clear on why I would get a written warning for taking MY personal days?"
"It was not scheduled, also we had to hire a new administrative assistant in the meantime and you will be doing special projects for the time being"
\- DUMBFOUNDED, I went to my new "cubicle" all the way in the back of the office with the supplies. Not only did I not have my "job" back since Ive been gone but my special projects....were....mapping out the keys to all the doors, entering contest entries into an excel spread sheet and TRAINING MY REPLACEMENT.
I let this go on for two weeks and had enough when they asked me to do office "cleaning" and go get them coffees.
Today, on the last coffee run - I just didn't go back.
AITA - For quitting my job without any notice after 3+ years?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 23,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
FlCrX5uCWPYE8v9okBJAQfttaDjjcsx6
|
ae28dy
|
{
"description": "not taking my coworker's shift when his mother is having surgery",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not taking my coworker’s shift when his mother is having surgery?
|
Mobile… blah blah… formatting… blah whatever.
My coworker wants me to pick up his shift because his mother is having surgery that day and I said I couldn’t get there because of not having a vehicle at that time.
He’s known about this surgery for a while and just forgot to tell management or put in a time off request. I told him no because I have no way to get there and he suggested that I get another coworker to pick me up (let’s call him Jim). The problem with that is that Jim lives about 20 minutes away and he’s not the most reliable person when it comes to getting in on time or at all.
So, obvious question is obvious, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 10,
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
MFCqbWtcN6XdqpQWQrRYHroII399XiLO
|
ba2ba0
|
{
"description": "always trying to solve my friends problems",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for always trying to solve my friends problems?
|
My friends argue with each other a lot, at least once a week and i’m always trying to resolve the situations. I know a one stage one of my friends got mad at me and said ‘don’t even bother’. then i began wondering whether i should stop because it’s considered not my business.
AITA for trying to help?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Eld0QccNMS9Yjr0UiKxhBCNcf2smZQxK
|
a8v5y4
|
{
"description": "asking about my mom's business",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking about my mom's business
|
First time poster on this sub, have mercy. This happened about 5 or 6 days ago and is still bothering me, therefore I'm posting this. This post is a little long, sorry about that!
​
A little background that will become important later. I am 17 years old and my parents have been divorced for about 10 years now, separated for more. My dad took all 4 kids because my mom had a gambling addiction and couldn't support us. She doesn't call us to see how we're doing normally, and if she does, it's because she needs something. She'll ask simple questions, like "Have you eaten yet?" and then repeat those questions during the same call because she doesn't really listen/care about what we say.
​
On the day these phone calls happened, I was driving to a city about 30 minutes away from where I live. I was running some errands for my uncle (I'll refer to him as uncle 2) and a friend wanted to go eat in that city. Sure no problem, right? I receive a phone call from my mom while I'm driving to that city. These calls are translated from another language, so they might not be exactly correct.
​
11 AM
Me: Hello?
Mom: What are you doing right now?
Me: Driving to \[city\].
Mom: Do you have uncle 1's number?
Me: He doesn't have a number, but I'll give you his daughters number when she's out of school.
Mom: Oh okay, let me know if you stop by their house \[30 minutes away from the city I'm driving to\] and give me her number.
​
Simple reply of okay and I have to hang up now, I'm driving. I thought all was well and I would just text her my cousin's number at 3 PM when she gets out of school. I reach the restaurant that my friend wanted to eat at and we get seated. I receive another phone call from my mother.
​
12-12:30 PM
Me: Yes, hello?
Mom: What are you doing right now?
Me: I'm out eating.
Mom: Are you at uncle 2's business? If you are, tell uncle 2 to give me uncle 1's number.
Me: Mom, I already said uncle 1 doesn't have a number and I'll give you his daughter's number when she's out of school.
Mom: Okay, let me know if you stop by uncle 2's business so I can ask for uncle 1's number.
​
Simple reply of okay and I hang up. Now this is where the background information comes into play. I already told her it is literally impossible to contact uncle 1 right now. She has to wait until 3 PM when my cousin gets out of school. But as usual, she doesn't listen to what I say until she gets what she needs. So at this point, I'm a little agitated because my mom keeps asking for me to do the impossible but nothing out of the ordinary. About 10-20 minutes go by, and we get our appetizers. In the middle of eating the appetizer, I receive another phone call from my mom. Note: There were people that sat directly behind us and I didn't want to them nor my friend by being on the phone.
​
12:30-1 PM
Me: Yes?
Mom: What are you doing right now?
Me: I'm eating.
Mom: Do you have uncle 1's number? I need to talk to him.
Me: I'm eating right now, can I give it to you later?
Mom: Okay, \[asks about father's personal business, that he specifically told me not to tell my mom\]?
Me: I slipped up here and told her.
Mom: Good, do you have uncle 1's number?
Now at this point, I'm really annoyed. There are people behind me trying to have a nice conversation. My friend is sitting in silence while waiting for me to finish the phone call. I can't eat because I'm on the phone.
Me: Mom, I already told you! You physically cannot contact him until his daughter gets home! Why do you even need to know his number?
My mom blows up and says something along these lines.
Mom: MY BUSINESS IS MY BUSINESS! YOU'VE ONLY GROWN SO MUCH AND NOW YOU'RE SO RUDE! WHY DO I NEED TO TELL YOU MY BUSINESS? I'M JUST TRYING TO CALL UNCLE 1 AND TALK TO HIM! "WHAT COMES AROUND GOES AROUND" WHEN YOU GET MARRIED AND YOUR WIFE ASKS YOU ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS, YOU'LL SEE. KARMA WILL GET YOU!
I just sat there shocked because I didn't expect that reply. I normally don't ask about my parent's business because it's not my place to do so. But my mom usually starts drama in my dad's side of the family, so I wanted to make sure this wasn't the case seeing as she desperately wanted to talk to uncle 1. I say okay bye, and I hang up. I thought she was being hypocritical because she asked what I was doing and about my father's business but she said I was rude and was never taught manners.
So AITA for asking my mom about her business?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
hhOz4so8dqBnLxviBOwsq6VL46civQhg
|
ayi05e
|
{
"description": "trying to console my friend and pissing off another friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to console my friend and pissing off another friend?
|
This happened about 2 days ago. A friend texted me, (we'll call her A), asking if I thought another friend, (we'll call him B), cared about her. I immediately said yes. A and B are great friends, they trust each other with their lives, and can almost always be seen together. They also have very confused feelings about what they exactly want to be. I tried to console A and told her that she was wrong and that B absolutely does care about her. She thought he might like a different girl. I don't know B well enough to know who he likes, but I said that it was definitely possible. I told A to pursue a relationship if she wanted to. She asked me if I knew anything and I responded by telling her that B hold told me earlier that he wasn't sure if he liked her or not. That was the end of my conversation with A.
It should end there, right?
B texts me about 20 minutes later and asked me what I said to A. I recount what I said, and he immediately backpedals and says he never said that. He gets mad, calls me a cunt a lot, and then starts leaving me on read. The next day at school seems totally normals until the last hour where I was trying to talk to B. He told me to shut the fuck up, and that I was acting like I didn't do anything. This put me in a pretty shitty mood. Right before I get on the bus, he told me to keep my hands off A. I hugged A about a week ago in lunch because she was feeling sad. I texted B asking him what his problem was. He responded with, "I've heard you've been doing more than hugging." I asked him what he was talking about, and he responded with a confused mess of jealous babble and trying to be a badass. (He even told me to mind my own business and then texted "GOT IT") At this point, I'm just really tired of the whole thing and told B I wasn't going to keep arguing with him. I feel bad, but A was completely normal, and was even on my side, though wanted to be kept out of it. Some of my friends are agreeing with B and are saying that I should've minded my own business, some are on my side.
So Reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
30fRng5Aw9JEdPTy9KoqKfMNw4005pst
|
a2dzn2
|
{
"description": "not wanting a kid that could potential go blind at age 20",
"pronormative_score": 438,
"contranormative_score": 102
}
|
AITA for not wanting a kid that could potential go blind at age 20?
|
My wife and I are talking about kids. And she has a condition in her family, Retina pigmentosa, which affects the men of the family. If we have a kid and it is a boy then it has 50% chance of going blind in the late 20s.
Am I the asshole for thinking that I dont really want to deprive my child of all the joys that life has to offer?
For example ger father, has never seen his 3 kids.
He has no job, no social life etc.
Am I the asshole for not want a future similar to that for my kid?
This post, in no way intent to patronize, offend or hurt anyone that lives with a disability. I need to make that very clear.
Also this is a throwaway account coz wife is lurking around here somewhere!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 383,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 55,
"INFO": 8
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 438,
"WRONG": 102
}
|
RIGHT
|
BCVrXHtIGdX7Xzmn0upRXQvLrdErhfcR
|
azc1k7
|
{
"description": "not thinking I need to pay someone who didn't as me to pay",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not thinking I need to pay someone who didn't as me to pay?
|
Background:
I made these 2 friends (let's call them Brenda and Hope) when I was in a mental health group.Brenda and Hope knew I had no money because I had told them about the struggles of being on disability.
We started to go out for coffee weekly, either Brenda or Hope paying for everyone. Hope had come over a few times, two times paying for pizza was her idea (I didn't even ask for pizza, she wanted to share with with my roommate and I), Hope called me up wanting to end her life and to meet at a restaurant for a meal (I dropped literally everything after a day of full classes to make sure she was ok) and was with her the whole time she was in the waiting room and ER (she paid for coffee and food there too), I asked her for deodorant because I had none (which I agreed to pay her back for), and we went out to one other meal so we could stay warm.
She also offered me a bag of skin/hair care products because she is allergic to them. She said if I don't take them she would throw them out.
So, Brenda messages me after we went out for coffee one day and said that she can't keep paying for me and that we all would have coffee again when I could afford my own. I was upset because I was actually getting out of the house and socializing, but I understood. This was kinda the start of Hope not speaking to me.
This month Hope messaged Brenda in a group chat I was in and mentioned that they were going out for coffee and I got super upset because I had tried to make it work where they could come over and I would make coffee n such. I got told no by both of them. Hope then says that she feels that I took advantage of her.
I figured that I owed Hope $350 for everything she paid for and gave me, which she agreed to. Tonight I told her I would start paying her back when I could afford to.
Keep in mind that 97% of the money I got this month from student loans and rental supplement went to rent. I got a whole $13 from disability.
Hope said that I owed her $450 before the products she gave me and she was being generous with that figure. When I asked her to explain how I owed that much money, she backed down and said that I only owed her $350. I actually wanted to total it up so I started to list everything. She included literally every interaction we ever had. I only got to about $300 before she started to guilt trip me. I caved and said that with all the products I would make it an even $1,000. I knew that she would start to demand I pay her for the products she gave me. Keep in mind that these are used products, almost all of them are half filled.
Hope started to demand that I pay her in one lump sum. I told her that I would start paying her back in 6 months, after I get out of the hole with my bills. I explained that if I don't pay my bills that I won't have a phone, internet, or a place to live. She still demanded that I pay her in a lump sum.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 9,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
kb2eCtyKFk2l9ngHU92G6lEkTzaH6IRs
|
av0lca
|
{
"description": "giving a pan sharing ultimatum",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for giving a pan sharing ultimatum
|
So here's the thing, I live in a house of 4, we are all at university, we split bills and each individually pay our own rent.
At the start of the year there were 3 of us, we've all known each other pretty well so we shared plates and cooking equipment. This was fine considering all 3 of us were generally clean people, if things were unwashed they generally would be washed within 24 hours and wouldn't be more than 2-3 plates.
A few months ago we finally found a fourth housemate, let's call him Brandon. Brandon didn't have many pans or cooking equipment so was very happy when he realised we share most things in the house. He's the type of person that eats 5 meals a day, has managed to get himself in so much dept he can barely afford food at the moment or in this case sometimes his mother pays for it.
He does not wash things properly, assumes we share food and doesn't let us know afterwards what he's used. Much of my cooking equipment has been destroyed or damaged because he leaves them dirty for more than a day during which I can't use them. He does not take conformation well and will cause an argument as he has so far. In the past I've asked him not to use something of mine but was ignored because "he was super fucked high of his ass" and used it anyway.
A lot of things he does to the rest of the house frustrate me but if I keep going on about this I will genuinely be typing for hours. Either way I have an idea to give him a week to start using things properly around the house otherwise I ask not to share cooking equipment anymore, that from now on we only share plates and I clearly double wash my utensils because who the heck wants to be eating soap really, he just won't rinse the soap off them no matter how much someone in the house says he should.
WIBTA if I withdraw sharing pans knowing that he has none and is in a very difficult financial situation but my equipment and things are no longer getting further damaged? Considering I barely get to use them since most of them are dirty when I wish to use them now. I understand that he has fucked himself financially at the moment and I am sure this will cause many issues for him so I can see how this may be a giant asshole move. But I'm tired of not being able to use my things? So WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
SKogqb94eJ5mPXUnpbJshBlgw6yvglZJ
|
aqh444
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my High School sweetheart but letting her keep doing \"girlfriend things\" for me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA For breaking up with my High School sweetheart but letting her keep doing "Girlfriend Things" for me?
|
The title is basically a TL;DR, but for more background I'm two years out of High school and mostly single. I say mostly because of my predicament. Her name is (Here at least) Sweety. Sweety is a tall, loud, and very pretty latina girl who is as kind and caring as the name implies. I met her my freshman year and instantly there was a connection. This however might have been because the theater teacher asked her to check on me when she saw me not engaging anyone at my first theater club meeting. I'm naturally introverted and lanky, as well as usually the tallest in the room, so with her being almost as tall as me her friends started shipping us even before we considered the possibility. Still, she made an effort to break me out of my shell and introduce me to some cool people, some who stuck by me even after the break up. She also helped with my style and confidence.
We were almost inseparable, even after she graduated (she was a year older than me) and gave eachother lots of THE FIRSTS. We considered each other as our first loves and even talked freely about marriage. That was until I graduated. When I got my car and found a good enough job to not be broke all the time. Thats when things changed, mainly my emotions. Slowly, after a year, I could no longer say I love you with the same feeling as I used too. I started chatting people up online and cybering every once in a while, finding reasons to be annoyed with her and looking for flaws. When I could finally see clearly what I was doing, I felt terrible. She loved me as deeply or perhaps deeper than she did in school, and the fact that I wanted to replace her made me feel like shit so I told her that.
I tried to explain as gently and decisively as I could to her, I felt that it was unfair to her and until I could figure out what I wanted, I couldn't give her what she was giving me. This went about as well as you'd expect with lots of tears and confessions on both sides, though mine were by far worse. After that, even when I was seeing other people, she would check in on me, and after a while she seemed to spiral from depression to full self destruction in the form of fledgling alcoholism. She would call ranting to me about feeling numb, hollow and being completely uninterested in other guys. This combined with an equally hostile home/work environment made me feel responsible for her, after all she more or less fixed me up like a dingy old car and got me out into the world. So I let her do "Girlfriend Things" i.e: sharing meals, cuddling, kissing, and more intimate things. Of course I skirt any mention of getting back together indefinitely, I just can't right now. I still care about her, but its been months and she still cant seem to find interest in anyone else, and its getting harder to skirt the question since I'm recovering my own broken heart. So, AITA?
EDIT: Recently a mutual friend of Sweet and Mine (Who has been working with her to move on, not knowing we were doing things together) told me that Sweet had "Lost her phone" and that's why she hasn't responded to some questions I posed. I doubt this only because she knows where I live obviously and loves dropping in on me unexpectedly. Not to mention she's close to a lot of my family, altogether she should have no problem contacting me. I think she's finally blocked me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
pXtjItHIIedJoEeyr46mi9lRs3Q6FG5D
|
b5tzyj
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go see my girlfriend's parents over the summer",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go see my girlfriend's parents over the summer?
|
Together for four-plus years. 31m, 30f.
I'll say up front that the complicating factor here is that her parents told her about five weeks ago that they are getting divorced. After forty years! I can't even imagine the thought process going through her dad's head here.
This coming summer, we have her friend's wedding in another state that's close to her state and far away from the state we live in together. That is something I committed to and I will go there. Now, however, she just told me that we need to go spend time in her state afterwards so she can see her friends, she wants me to be there for the first time she has to actually see her parents.
This is an issue because she is a teacher but I am not. She's just "off" for this time - she doesn't have to take any vacation time and her work does not pile up. I don't have that particular luxury, and if I did, I really, really want to spend my vacation time traveling internationally instead of to her home state.
(I admit this is a "me" thing - I spent a week and a half there during winter, too, and it is just godawful boring and terrible. I do it because I love her but I hate it.)
So here is the logic: "I want to see my friends in my home state" --> "If I don't go see my parents while I'm there, they will be angry" --> "I want you to be there the first time I see my parents after they've told me they're getting divorced". And it's worth noting that she brought up "we always see YOUR family" because they live much closer to us - we see them probably ten times a year on weekends.
I feel trapped by her logic. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Oqz8uZVwVeSCVYFpDr4yzzxCprefWZgo
|
akm058
|
{
"description": "wanting to save up my money to by something I've wanted for ages and not spend it on anything else",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to save up my money to by something I’ve wanted for ages and not spend it on anything else
|
Ok I’m really sorry I’m probably gonna sound really dumb, please note: no one in saying anything to make me feel this, it’s just me being self conscious anyway.
AITA: ok so I’ve been attempting to save up for a fancy art tablet thing for ages, I’m not to good and managing my money so I’m only now cracking down on saving up, I’ve been feeling kinda bad lately since I’ve been really bent on getting it and only plan on buying the tablet and nothing else I feel kinda selfish for not wanting to buy anything for my dad.
Am I the asshole?
(Sorry it’s really dumb ik)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
IG0r4P7QUQLNeMZFde8pc0tBH7FnMPOD
|
ajqj8i
|
{
"description": "telling my friend of 30 years that he can't come to my wedding with his girlfriend because she's a girl I used to be involved with",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA: telling my (35M) friend of 30 years (33M) that he can’t come to my wedding with his girlfriend because she’s a girl I used to be involved with.
|
So a couple days ago I met up with my friend and to talk and just hang out and the topic of my wedding came up. My fiancé (31F) does not want his girlfriend to attend and I don’t really either, not because she’s a bad person, I just don’t have an appreciation for who she is anymore and I think she’s annoyingly self-centered.
For the most part, I side with my fiancé that there’s no reason for her to be there, and that my friend should just accept it and deal with it. I’ve explained that essentially it’s my fiance’s big day and we should just let her have the best day she’s always wanted. My friend out right stated that if he’s invited and can’t bring his girlfriend, then there’s going to be drama.
At the time I just laughed it off and thought…. Well this is gunna get trashy. But after thinking about it, I think it might be best to just not have him (and by proxy her) be there at all. Which sucks because he’s been a close friend for 30 years, and I want him there. But the evident and outright threat of drama just makes me want to not invite him at all.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
KnnDboKFDiwsizi1Ybk2bKBfPG43sDcz
|
ayhmf3
|
{
"description": "wanting to ditch a play I was roped into",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for wanting to ditch a play I was roped into?
|
I am friends with these people and I just wanted to help them with a school project, a play. I hate voice acting and plays, I did not plan on being a part of it. I have six lines but it doesn't matter to me, I have no want to be a part of this, I settled for taking a zero.
I can't find it in my heart to tell them all I don't want to take a part in their play, I don't want to disappoint them, but I barely passed speech as it is.
If all else fails (I plan on confronting a friend after class if possible) I plan on ditching class and hanging out with a gym class for the next couple of days. Like I said, I don't want to be that much if an asshole but if I cannot talk to them, or if they do not listen, I will skip class just to avoid the stage.
I feel like an asshole, but I don't know what to do, I settled for a couple lines behind the curtains, but putting me on stage is too much.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
uK7LtKK0XHrYDVmxvK4gF2rDI81EoxMi
|
a7ziro
|
{
"description": "feeling upset? my gfs family just got a puppy and returned it the next day",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for feeling upset? My GFs family just got a puppy and returned it the next day.
|
I'll keep the story short.
Me and my girlfriend have been together for over a year now and I'm fairly close with her family. Their family just got a puppy in September and he's been doing well and they love him. Yesterday they adopted another puppy (same breed) and today they're returning him because it turns out he is not crate/potty trained as advertised and he's not getting along well with the other dog.
I know this probably makes sense for her family but I just feel so bad for the puppy and it's made me upset; I guess the puppy has already been returned once before. AITA for having these feelings? I know it's not my family or anything but it just makes me upset.. I feel like maybe they rushed into getting another dog without thinking about how feasible it would be and now the puppy is getting returned.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
ms5wuhlOrJNMfs1dRhxMTwUoYtxpykgp
|
ans1yi
|
{
"description": "not wanting to fold my roommates laundry",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to fold my roommates laundry?
|
https://imgur.com/a/VhJLnyI
We have 4 people living in one house and doing laundry at different times. My one roommate wants us to fold his laundry for him if we need to use the dryer, despite leaving it in overnight. All of us do our own laundry and take it out in a timely manner with respect of others. Am I the asshole for not wanting to fold his laundry for him because he went to sleep?
For the record, I am okay with having my clothes not folded if I happen to leave them in the dryer. I don't want to inconvenience others into folding.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 11,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
B4rYgPlMgLEnVj5YaIHnVvrBRGkRSfyE
|
ancwv6
|
{
"description": "being upset that my Mum is making false diagnoses about me, and saying that my nephew (who she is falsley diagnosing with the same thing) is harming his brother",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset that my Mum is making false diagnoses about me, and saying that my nephew (who she is falsley diagnosing with the same thing) is harming his Brother?
|
My Mum is an alcoholic. She has a slew of health issues caused by being obese and her crappy diet and lifestyle. She is prone to getting drunk and rambling, and in a recent conversation with my sister she said that both I, and my eldest nephew "are autistic" (neither of us have been diagnosed) and that my Sister should claim Carer's Allowance for her younger child because having "an autistic" brother is such a burden.
She's also said that me "being autistic" was such a harmful experience for my Sister it's a wonder she turned out as okay as she is.
My Sister and I are both upset over this because the diagnoses my Mum is making are way out of her remit to make, and because of the implication that my Sister is allowing her oldest Son to harm the younger, and because we both feel that if anything harmed us as kids it was how she raised us.
I keep going back to the thought that this is a horrible thing for her to say (another one in a long line of them) and that I wish that she would either mind her own business and sort out her own health issues before making false diagnoses about anyone, and that if she can't, her being out my life would be regrettable but better.
I don't know if I'm being unreasonable but I'd really like the input of people outside of this situation. So, am I the asshole in this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
pd59QtKR40I3UKDHyQ8UwU0xINx9S7Ct
|
aov3gy
| null |
AITA Friend Wants Me To Visit
|
So before I start, this story isn't very long nor as extravagant as some of the other stories. So...I work a split shift at work 5 days a week, and the weekend i desperately needed comes. Time for a little relaxation and a little time to catch up on a little bit of cleaning around the house. I get a call from my best friend asking me to come over as she does every weekend. She knows my shifts and still calls very early into the morning asking me to come over. So I tell her I just woke up and I don't really feel like going anywhere, coming over means me watching and caring for her child the entire time. Don't get me wrong I love my friend and my godson but I really feel like crap after a bad night at work. She tries the whole but you love me shtick like a guilt trip, and again I say I don't feel like it so I say maybe another time. She didn't get an attitude, but her tone of voice changed like I did something wrong and had made her upset. I said goodbye and hung up. Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
7TUZtWCgz9yP0bkqHsI2L44kDHMgn05C
|
anx5np
|
{
"description": "not wanting to change my last name after my stepdad adopted me",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to change my last name after my stepdad adopted me
|
My stepdad recently adopted me since my birth father was never really in my life. I have my birth father’s last name and I don’t want to go through the process of changing because I am in a serious relationship and am likely to get married in the next 3-5 years. Since I plan on changing it my boyfriends’s last name when we get married, I don’t want to go through the name change process twice in such a short amount of time. This upsets my mother and thinks I’m not being grateful to what my stepdad has done for us over our lives. My mom hyphenated her last name with his when when they got married. I have an older brother who has my mom’s maiden as his last name and he refuses to change his name for unknown reasons. If anything I feel like they should be mad at him not me since he’s only going to go through this process once in his life. Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
REQ76asLSy0lpVwzVojoxxuQiJtupn6N
|
b03vyq
|
{
"description": "leveraging a racist Remark at Work into a promotion",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA For Leveraging a Racist Remark at Work into A Promotion?
|
I'm 22 been working in software sales since last June so about 8 months. My job right now is to primarily call up prospects and see if they're interested in our product and set a meeting for an account exec (closer) to actually sell them the product. The VP of sales in our company called me a phone monkey (I'm brown) last week as a joke I think and my co-worker who sits beside me heard it. He said something along the lines of hey phone monkey, did you get my email earlier? Now I don't really think its racist as people do refer to my job in the industry as being a phone monkey but just the way he said it he knew he fucked up right away. Didn't apologize but I just looked at him and said oh yeah I got it and he basically darted away.
The next day what do you know I'm in a meeting with HR, the CEO of the startup and the VP of sales. The VP first says he's very sorry about what he said it just slipped out and he'd never say it again. CEO just also aplogized and made me aware I could take some time off outside of vacation days to cope with this. I thought about just blurting out oh it was no problem I didn't even think it was racist, but I put on a sad face and said its been a hard day since and I don't know how I'm gonna get over this. The look on the VP's face and the CEO was hilarious they were scared shitless, HR lady asks if I have any reccomendations on how we could all move forward from this. I said that I know I've only been in my current role for 8 months and usually the promotion to a closing role (account exec) comes after 16-24 months but I am doing very well and I think I would feel a lot better about my job and my role here if I were to get that promotion immediately. They all look at each other and say they need me to step out for a sec, I agree and go to the bathroom. When I get back the CEO shook my hand and the VP shook my hand and said welcome to the big leagues and they gave me the promotion. I ushered them to sit back down and negotiate the terms then and there with HR present. I negotiated an extra 10k base salary and a few more days of vacation, which no newly promoted account exec has ever done here I'm pretty sure. I got the offer letter today and everything was in proper shape so I signed and I moved into a bigger cube today. I went over to the VP of sales who's still my boss and said great to be working even more close to you again all is forgiven now lets all make some serious commission. I did this so he'd know everything is normal now and him and I are fine.
I told my gf this and she said it was an asshole move to make because they basically had no choice to promote me and I put them in a terrible situation.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 15
}
|
WRONG
|
COoVsVEtafPdzppb0Utf4DipM5YhLtb3
|
alknts
|
{
"description": "bringing up family to a suicidal friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for bringing up family to a suicidal friend?
|
Okay so I feel like I just fucked up really badly especially with someones life being at stake here but I also am unsure because my intentions were pure.
Okay so one of my best friends who has recently gone though a really rough breakup and is having issues with his family, recently told me that he wanted to end my life. Having been suicidal in my past, I told him that it wasnt worth it and everything gets better and he needs to stay strong (which is cliché but it seemed to help him a bit)
After that, almost everyday he was saying he wasnt feeling good and was in a bad place to which I told him that I and a lot of other people love him and he needs to hold on and stay strong.
Tonight was different though. He told me he couldn't do it anymore and he was ready to end it. This is how the conversation roughly went:
Friend: "I wanna do it now, I wanna let go"
Me: "it's not worth it. You don't need to do this"
F: "I'm losing everyone who is important to me constantly and its always on bad terms"
M: "What you're considering isn't going to fix that problem"
F: "It will kill the problem though, it'll be over"
Okay so this is where I'm going to start directly quoting what both me and my friend said to each other with sight changes to names and other personal information to avoid any bias. This is where I feel that I fucked up:
M: "One of the most important people in your mum, dads, sister, step dads and my life is you. You talk about how you lose the most important people on shitty terms but at least those people are still walking. The shittiest term is someone who is in your family leaving for good. I'm sorry if I'm coming off as harsh but you need to hear this stuff because just telling you that "it'll get better" ain't gonna change how you think."
F: "Sam, Fuck off. You dont have a clue what my family go through, what they have gone through. Tell me again about family leaving and i'll kill you"
So I can see that he thought I meant that his family would leave him because I said "The shittiest term is someone in your family leaving for good." By which I actually meant that thats what his family would go though if he left and not any of his family members. Anyway, I went on to try to explain this:
M: “No [Friend], I'm not saying I know anything about what they go though and I'm not telling you about them leaving. I'm trying to tell you that they fucking care about you and you leaving would put them though more shit that I can tell they don't need. I'm trying to save your life man. Not ruin it"
F: “Stop, just leave”
I know he’s in a bad place and at the end I was clearly getting panicked and somewhat annoyed that I wasn’t helping but I don’t know if I was being an asshole or not. I care about the kid I just don’t really know what the right thing to say to him is I guess.
TL;DR: My friend is considering suicide and I was trying to help him by telling him how he would make his friends and family feel if he did go though with it and I think I may have said the wrong thing but I’m not too sure
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
MIINdeDaw8O2GiIISjIC44Q30JZG7b1Y
|
a6nblv
|
{
"description": "calling my roommate out in front of people",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for calling my roommate out in front of people?
|
Me and my roommate (R) are both college kids, with him being a year younger than me. The house we live in is a house my mom bought for me and my brother to go to school. R just moved in at the start of the fall term while I’ve been in he house for a few years.
I knew he wasn’t the smartest kid before he moved in but I’ve come to realize he just doesn’t think all the time.
I continuously have to remind him of things and repeat myself whenever he does something I’ve specifically stated I don’t want to have happening in my house. It’s never been anything outlandish, just like turning off electronics when not used or picking up after himself or keeping items that we share or are mine on the side of the room that I use.
I don’t talk to him about these actions often outside of the times he does them so when we have had friends over and he does something that I’ve mentioned to him before, I’ll call him out again. It’s gotten really annoying always having to repeat myself so my tone isn’t always friendly and could potentially make the room feel uncomfortable which I understand.
I just think that R should focus more on fixing the issues that I have to repeat instead of asking me not to bring them up with people around.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
E5vQLskBxCQYJ8azfVwPnQFJ8EbdmBOQ
|
akcvki
|
{
"description": "texting my husband on his guys trip",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for texting my husband on his guys trip?
|
My husband (28m) and I (29f) are both full-time working professionals, and we have a one year old son. I’ve been working 60-80 hour work weeks for the last month, so my husband has had to help around the house more than usual (dishes, laundry, tidying up, etc). When he brought up a preplanned “guys trip” early last week, I thought it’d be fun for him & encouraged him to go. It’s not the best timing, but I’ve been grateful for his extra help around the house.
Our son and I are just getting over the flu. I asked him to take our son to the doctor for a follow up after work before he left for his guys trip on Friday (& to ask the pediatrician about mysterious hives he’s been getting).
He did, and as soon as I got home from work, my husband took off for his trip. I called him around 9pm to let him know I was falling asleep & to text me when he got in since his ETA was 1:00am (it was a 6 hour drive) and he had been up since 4:30am the following morning.
The next morning, I wake up to a text message saying he was just getting in around 1:05. I texted him “how’s it going” and an hour later, he sends me “it’s good.” I’m dealing with a one year old and a long grocery list at that time, so I don’t feel my phone go off until I’m back home and have put our son down for a nap. I reply letting him know the weird hives are back & my mom (a nurse) is in town visiting us and she’s just as perplexed. The rest of the text is “hope you’re having fun. Love you. Please check in later so I know you’re alive.”
The day takes a hellish turn for me with nausea, dizzy spells & vomiting. Around 6pm, I haven’t heard anything but I’ve taken enough medicine to pass out at our sons bedtime, so I call him (no answer) and then, text him: “Just calling to check in for the evening. Not doing too well on my end so not sure how long I’ll voluntarily be awake. Spent the last few hours throwing up.
Very grateful my parents are here. Please reply when you get a minute. Good night babe.”
I had a rough night and would check my phone periodically—nothing. Finally this morning, at 8am, I send: “Good morning. Haven’t heard from you since “it’s good” yesterday around 10. Not sure if youve tried and I just haven’t gotten anything or you haven’t gotten my texts.
Please plan on heading out soonish. I’m still not feeling well and dealing with blackouts and vomiting with our 1 year old won’t be ideal.” He also knew before he left that I might have to go into work Sunday.
He told me beforehand this boys trip meant getting drunk and smoking weed 24/7. While that’s not our current lifestyle at home, I told him I was okay with that (and I am). I just didn’t think I was also acquiescing to him going MIA.
I’m AITA for texting him and expecting a reply (especially given what he knows is going on at home)? I’m agitated, but I’m trying to also give him the benefit of the doubt that reception is bad wherever he’s at. Do I just need to chill the fuck out & not be butt hurt? Are we both being assholes? I’m just looking for some perspective.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
NNIgygS7j5qPa8ANYrCPvhex00kCF0It
|
ao3cx3
|
{
"description": "making my partner wait for me to have a cigarette",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for making my partner wait for me to have a cigarette?
|
My SO and I work together and drive to work together. My office is a bit antisocial during business hours but occasionally spend 10 minutes or so with a cigarette after we knock off to wind down and socialise.
As my partner is a non smoker I generally skip out on the after work cig but it had been a long week so I asked him if he minded hanging out after work with the team while we had our 10 minutes of socialising.
He told me in front of our colleagues that he didnt mind, but he would wait in the car as he was a non smoker, however, mid cigarette, we all witness him exit the carpark and drive off, leaving me there at work with all of my colleagues asking "hey why did SO just drive off like that??"
In his defence, I could see he didnt really want to wait, when I asked, but I feel like he should have just told me that rather than saying it was okay and then leaving me there in front of all our colleagues.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
MmSRHzAAQyQ064P3LVIANPdaAfrNIgbz
|
avxhcr
|
{
"description": "being on the phone instead of talking to family",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being on the phone instead of talking to family
|
My last attempt at making a post because I've spent an hour at this.
Background: I grew up in a house with five people. My parents were only ever at home for lunch and to sleep, and my sister was always at her friend's. I grew up mostly with my grandmother. My parents didn't let me go outside and got me hooked on the PC because that's safer(no internet in my country back then)
1. I've never had many friends until high school. We're a tightly knit group of 20~ friends and we still talk almost two years since we finished HS. After HS ended my results were really good and my mother and sister refused to let me go to the University I planned to go to. They forced me to go to a country very far away. I still talked to my friends while studying at the Uni.
2. Uni life was terrible there. I lost all will to study, and I'm someone who loves studying. I'd hear about my friend's life at their Uni and that was depressing.
3. I became a hermit. I never left my room for about two weeks until I felt comfortable to do so, and in this time I lost around 15-25 kg of weight, and now I'm severely underweight.
4. My extended family, seeing how bad in shape I am immediately started judging me. I was always introverted and was told I spent too much time on my phone/laptop. I'm slowly learning to get rid of my hermit ways.
5. My mother came back soon from a trip and I was judged very harshly for too much screen time. She forced me to socialise and I really didn't like it. I ended up with spending more time on my phone to help me deal with it, and she judged me even more. Positive feedback happened and I became more of a hermit again and got more lectures etc.
AITA for just not liking being forced to socialise? Did I not try hard enough at the Uni they wanted me to go to?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
sZFDkg9GKjOljWaSdLh5bohP3cMCRzVz
|
ay7wyj
|
{
"description": "asking my girlfriend to pay for dinners",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I ask my girlfriend to pay for dinners?
|
Ok so this is my first time posting and I'm on mobile so forgive poor formatting.
So, my girlfriend and I have been dating for well over a year and I want to ask her if she could pay when we go out. Currently I am unemployed because my class schedule is very weird. Both of us are students, but she does have a fairly well paying job.
I try to pay for everything as it is right now, except for the occasional thing where she just happens to pay before I can. The only reason why I'm even considering asking her is that it is seriously harming my finances.
Also, we never go to expensive restaurants, we tend to like the cheaper stuff.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 9,
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
oAK3eki6aSGRmzUz9pK0a5H9etzjXHv3
|
b4p4ur
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my newly bi GF",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
WIBTA for breaking up with my newly bi GF
|
I have been with my gf for 6 months and recently she's come out to me as a bisexual. Now I'm not one to care about sexuality, but what's bothering me is how has she come to this realisation in the time we've been together, I don't see anyway unless she's become attracted to someone of the same sex, how else would you know your bi?
Also now it's just uncomfortable for me to have her alone with her girl friends, same way most people wouldnt be happy with their girl friends sleeping at a male friends house for the night, and I just don't want the stress in my life. WIBTA?
(Both 18)
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 15
}
|
WRONG
|
cIc05DE8TuoB2JrJf3LGAS4d7qi3AHPy
|
azwczo
|
{
"description": "throwing razor to bin in a shared bathroom in college dorm",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA Throwing razor to bin in a shared bathroom in college dorm
|
Ok, here it goes:
There is one bathroom for every 2 rooms in my dorm. We are 2 males and there are 2 females in the next room.
One day the girl next door asked us to clean the bathroom because it is messy and they came to the dorm after us so we should clean it first.
My roommate agreed and said yes. I was sitting at my desk and did not join the conversation at all.
When they left, I asked my roommate about when we were going to clean it.
He said that he was not gonna do any cleaning. So I told him then I will do myself and next time you're gonna do it alone. He said no.
Anyway, I did clean it myself. I mopped the floor and wiped the mirror and stuff. But I forgot to take the trash out. And I did not clean the shared kitchen because my roommate was laying in his bed watching YouTube while I was cleaning so it kind of set me up.
So 1 week later when bathroom gets dirty again (which should be their turn of cleaning) the administration comes to our room and says if we do not clean the kitchen and bathroom they will kick us out.
My roommate still did not agree with cleaning and told me they reported us because they saw my used razors inside the trash can in the bathroom. He told me I should get kicked because it is gross.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
O8leWcjZiJvcy482v1nBsIYWOZ1Ftd8N
|
a8agsc
|
{
"description": "getting angry with my team mate because he planned to not show up for an important match",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting angry with my team mate because he planned to not show up for an important match?
|
Some background first; I play indoor football/soccer. You play with 5 players to a side. My team comprises of a group of 8 or 9 friends and we play on a weekly basis. We're not good, but neither do we suck. This year we're not doing so well. Some of the players have sustained injuries and as a result we're always a bit short on active players.
Last week we had a very important match. We had to win in order to prevent us from being demoted to a lower league. In the days running up to the match it became clear that we would only have 5 players, which means we wouldn't have a sub. A tough situation, as opposing teams generally have 3 subs, but manageable.
On the day of the match one of the players-who consequently is also the guy who is our "coach" sent a text message 1 hour before the game would commence. The message was posted in our group chat and basically stated that he couldn't make the game, as he was still in a theater watching a movie. All other players reacted incredulously, after which the guy said he'd try to make it. He made it clear though via his text messages that he thought we were in the wrong for being pissed at him.
As a result of all this we had to start the match with 4 players, so 1 player short of a full team. I also had to make the arrangements with the ref (registering players), pick up the jerseys etc. After about 5 minutes of playing the guy who was at the theater angrily barged in, stepped onto the field, and played the rest of the game with us (we won by the way).
After the match I approached my team mate and told him that when you play a team sport you cannot just plan a theater visit and only notify the rest 1 hour beforehand. And especially not when you're the coach. He got pissed off, saying he actually took his new date to the cinema and this totally trumped him having to play football with us. He also said I shouldn't complain "because in the end I was there, right"?
Now I'm wondering; am I the asshole here getting annoyed with my team mate and confronting him, or am I in the right?
TL;DR> my team mate planned to leave the team hanging during an important football match, eventually did show up after we complained, and now he says I'm the asshole for confronting him about it afterwards.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
6omJ8jkeJqNU2U1jLc18kUB7Y4srudUv
|
b6v98g
|
{
"description": "telling a girl to stop talking after we had sex",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 32
}
|
AITA for telling a girl to stop talking after we had sex?
|
So I (20M) hooked up with a girl (20F), and after sex I feel tired. Anyway she's ranting about how she hates her job and I'm nodding along and agreeing things must be hard for her, but then she starts ranting about politics. She starts talking about Mueller Report, Trump, then after 5 minutes she's talking about Socialism.
At this point I just say ''Please stop talking'' and she says ''What??'' so I repeat, ''Please stop talking'' and I turn over to go to sleep. I can feel an air of awkwardness but she stops talking and goes back to sleep.
Anyway I woke up a few hours later and snuck out lol. I told my friends they said I should have ''sucked it up'' and listened to her mind numbing crap and that I'm an asshole for not doing so, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 31,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 32
}
|
WRONG
|
TuacRibiuAKnjFu3HYaPUOCG16RFkemP
|
ayg3ej
|
{
"description": "not letting my brother sleep on my couch",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting my brother sleep on my couch?
|
My brother is a heroin addict. It started with pain pills and evolved from there.
I have given him thousands of dollars in the form of bail, flights to go get “treatment,” Lyfts and Ubers because he lost his license for a while.....you get the picture. He also completely ruined my credit after I co-signed a car loan for him and he allowed the car to get repossessed. I didn’t find out about it until I went to renew the lease on my own car. That was fun.
Well he was down in Florida until last night staying with my father. He was supposed to seek treatment down there and maybe possibly find a job. He has an in demand skill (HVAC technician) however he can’t find a job because his driving record is so awful that no company will trust him with a company vehicle. He has no home and is totally broke. His drug dealers are also looking for him because he owes them money (however I’m *pretty* sure they don’t know that I exist, but they have called my mom as well as his ex girlfriend looking for him).
My father is a complete and total asshole and I’m not going to get into that however despite all of this, I can understand why he would want to come back up here (New Jersey). The biggest reason being that he has a son here.
Well he stayed with me last night and swore that he was going to be entering a sober living home today.
I just got a message from my mother asking me if my brother is staying with me again tonight. I said no because I thought it was only for one night. She said that he doesn’t have the $600 deposit needed to stay at the sober living home but that he *should* be getting paid tomorrow. I told my mom that he’s not staying with me. I was told it was one night and already that’s turning into two. I feel like if I say yes, that’s going to turn into three nights, then four and on and on.
The guilt of saying no is eating me alive. However not only am I tired of being an enabler, but I have roommates and as gracious as they were about him staying last night, I can’t ask them to keep doing it. Especially knowing what I know about his drug dealers.
My husband is currently living in another state. I’m moving there too in a few months and finally getting away from all of this but for right now, my main support system is gone.
I’ve cried so much about all of this that I busted a capillary under my eye.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 12,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
VBavWghKYdHzdX8oJd9ZnQDmBty67q7w
|
ad9lyr
|
{
"description": "being bitterly upset at left lane drivers (USA) who refuse to move over for faster traffic",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For being bitterly upset at left lane drivers (USA) who refuse to move over for faster traffic?
|
I was raised to drive in the furthest lane right unless I am passing. And I’m pretty damn sure that some states are finally making it a law that you do. I do not road rage on others. But I get REALLY heated internally (I drop a few choice words too) at drivers who make the entire line of cars go around them in the fast lane. Just move over to the right PLEASE! Is there a generation of people out there who do not know this, do not care, or what?! Or is this the norm and my ass is backwards?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
wUUJA2XzgLaMrI77NJk5fJDDaMLu9HAG
|
b9zmsb
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend over her extreme love of K-Pop",
"pronormative_score": 72,
"contranormative_score": 22
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend over her extreme love of K-Pop?
|
This happened just a few hours ago between me \[18, M\] and my girlfriend \[18, F\]. We have been dating fairly seriously for over a month at this point.
​
We were on the topic of her favorite K-Pop artist (which I don't care for K-Pop whatsoever, but I try my best to pay attention) "Jung Yong Hwa". As usual, she's completely fangirling over him, which bothers me a little bit, but I can understand where she's coming from. In general, she's not very complimentary towards me--every now and then I'll get a "you look nice" or "you're really funny". However, when talking about this guy, she is completely balls-to-the-wall. It's just a constant stream of "he's so talented, sexy, hot, funny, sweet, etc.".
​
Keeping in mind, she has never met this guy or been to one of his concerts. Only through listening to his albums and liking every single one of his posts on Instagram (she went back a few years and liked every single one forward from there). She is currently saving money to get a tattoo of his name on her chest.
​
Now some of you might have your YTA's typed out already, but I am actually okay with all of the above, including the tattoo. What she said today is what caused me to lash out:
​
She said "Nothing could keep me from going to his concert in Korea this November."
​
I laughed and played along, making up some stupid circumstances, all of which she said she wouldn't care and would not hesitate to go to this concert. Then, making an obvious mistake, I said:
​
"What if I was in the hospital (as in, seriously sick)? Would you still go?"
​
I did not expect the next answer at all, mainly because there wasn't one. She just stared at me awkwardly for a few moments, then said "... Do you expect me to lie?". I spent a few minutes confirming she was completely serious--which she was, which left me completely heartbroken.
​
At this time I swiftly called her a complete psycho and cut the relationship off. Was I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 67,
"EVERYBODY": 12,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 22
}
|
RIGHT
|
rOT0A2Tu5Ob5IlrdKLZooeIZ1Uv8j2fP
|
b9mopi
|
{
"description": "getting free stuff from guys",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for getting free stuff from guys?
|
Backstory: I've always had a lot of male friends. I know the stigma behind a girl that hangs out with a lot of guys, but I've been like this since I was a kid. Grew up Fixing cars, airsoft,videogames, etc. So its just people i can relate to a lot more due to the demographic of things I enjoy.
Anyways, this has caused a lot of strain in past relationships even though i swear by the guys I spend time with or get to know.
This has been a lot harder recently with my current bf, been together for almost 2 years. But he is insecure about me spending time with other guys.
Well, he has recently been the most uncomfortable about guys spending money on me, mainly offering me food. To which most of the time, doesnt matter who it is, I'm stubborn and decline the offers because I can't pay for myself. A lot of the time they insist and I end up saying that the next time i will treat them or give them money for my meal, etc. Even if they say i don't have too.
My bf thinks I do this a lot and thinks they only want sex from me...which in some situations I know thats the case. Generally I will cut that person off if they are acting in such a way. Even though i always make it clear that I am in a relationship to everyone that i become acquainted with (i go so far as to calling him my fiance at this point). Anyways though, a lot of the time they seem to just be acting friendly, and more times than not I will buy the next meal we have, or the next round of drinks, etc. I will try to at least
He is still very against me doing it and it seems to piss him off more than anything when it happens. I know he worrys about someone trying something but i always carry my knife or stuff like that incase something like that will ever occur. (Thankfully it hasnt) I will admit that I can be to trusting of new people sometimed though.
I don't want to breach his trust just because i have guy friends, but he also thinks i let them pay for me too much even if i pay them back or try too. I don't know what to do with this situation as the whole topic in general is kind of a tender spot in our relationship.
So anyways, AITA for letting guys pay for me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
hyDT1Nwb84thTQ7J7LIMiFkk0bU3ItL0
|
afezyc
|
{
"description": "telling my ex's \"flavor of the month\" that my ex is a narcissist",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for telling my ex's "flavor of the month" that my ex is a narcissist?
|
Nutshell: My ex and I are coparents of a teen. My ex has partners coming and going all the time which frustrates me because they are 1) demonstrating poor relationship behavior in front of our kid, and 2) our kid gets attached to all of them and then comes to me for comfort and questions when they inevitably leave.
A couple days ago my ex and I got into a minor disagreement while dropping off the kid. My ex had their current "friend" in the car with them and the person rolled their eyes at me. I chuckled and casually and sarcastically mentioned that they might want to read up on being in a relationship with a narcissist. I walked off before I got the full reaction from either of them.
Now my kid is saying that person isn't coming around anymore and I'm torn between smugness and a little guilt. But I would have appreciated if someone had warned me from the beginning about my ex's illness (because obviously they weren't ever going to) so that I could have informed myself and been better prepared for that relationship or left earlier. So... AITA?
(I'll add that ex really does have NPD, I've been through a massive amount of therapy to overcome some of the things that happened in our relationship. I'm not just trying to sabotage their relationships for spite).
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
JShmSC0LHFTKBklBJAhK2SFOrzTw0kuY
|
ams4lh
|
{
"description": "telling my friend's parents that she has just given birth to an unwanted baby, without her permission",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for telling my friend's parents that she has just given birth to an unwanted baby, without her permission?
|
My friend, 20ish, got divorced 2 years ago and has a child. Unfortunately, her ex did not share any responsibility with her so she takes care of her child by herself. (we're in a 3rd world lawless asian country). She makes a living by working minimum wage job. Lately, she had a relationship with a douche with whom she got pregnant. However, upon the news, this asshat just ran away, so my girl friend decided to just give birth alone, as she feel ashamed and doesn't want to annoy her family. She just delivered the baby today and I want to tell her family about that so they can support her at this critical moment. Her first child is living with the grandparents. AITA for wanting to step in and get her the support she needs right now, or i should just keep silence as explicitly told so?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
M4gfYQy1Dlak9dM2rkS6zQ3vJLUi2rUP
|
ak7p0u
|
{
"description": "not wanting my girlfriend to spend too long on the phone when I'm with her",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting my girlfriend to spend too long on the phone when I’m with her?
|
We’re both currently attending different universities and we both work so we don’t even get to hangout as much as I’d like us to, but I understand that it’s the best we can do right now and it’ll change. 3 nights ago, we had around 3 hours to hangout before she had to work so we decided to go to the mall food court to get food and talk in my car. As I’m pulling in to the parking lot, one of her friends calls her and I spent the next 30 mins waiting for her to be done the call. I told her that I would prefer if she didn’t spend 30 mins on the phone with someone else while we’re together and she said he(I’ll come back to this later) needed her and that was why it lasted so long. Except this isn’t the first time this has happened. I can recall at least 10 times this has happened where he “needed “ her while we were together and I brought this up with her and her response was that she wasn’t sorry that she did it, that her friend needed her and that she was sorry that it made me feel that way. Same thing happened today where she spent around 20 mins on the phone with him. I asked her if it’s always going to be like this and she couldn’t give me a definitive answer. I made it clear that I’m not asking her not to help her friend, I’m just saying to do so when we’re not together and she started crying and saying she was torn and she doesn’t want to have to pick one of us. She said we’re both important to her, and there’s no hierarchy or anything like that. A little more about the dude -they’ve been close friends since they were younger and he lives in a different province now, so I’m not really worried about her being friends with him. Is it too much to ask that she tell him she’s busy when she’s with me and call him later? I would understand if this only happened a few times, but I feel like she’s just pushing it at this point. We just got in a fight about this and I’m not sure what to do next
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
91TQFpC7fI4ss2EQGCwSeFCFo50kVmMk
|
afpgdx
|
{
"description": "trying to cut someone out of mine and my girlfriend's lives",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for trying to cut someone out of mine and my girlfriend's lives?
|
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
On mobile, sorry for formatting issues.
So I've known this girl (A) for a few months now, and she was in a long distance relationship with her abusive ex (D) when we first started talking. A broke it off with D to be with me instead, and still called D her 'best friend'.
During A and D's time together, I was told (by D) to kill myself on 2 seperate occasions, and that he would kill me if I tried to 'steal his girl'. A has multiple panic attacks and breakdowns because of D and I'm left to try and fix things (which I have no problem doing, but the problem is that it's him and she KNOWS it's him but won't cut him off completely because of attachment issues). This has really tested me, it pushed me to the edge having to try and fix things, and I decided there was only one thing I could do for my own mental wellbeing, and it'd hopefully help with A's too; I told her 'choose either your friendship with D, or our relationship.' She chose me, and I was happy about that. She has been speaking to him behind my back which hurt me a lot because she broke a promise, but I've tried to move past it. Our most recent confrontation (following A telling D she would self-harm, to which D responded "yeah. I don't care, remember?") with D and 4 friends attacking me, calling me abusive and manipulative, and D saying he would curb stomp me if he wasn't in another country. D has also told A to leave me, which you can imagine I'm pretty upset about.
A few minutes ago, he logged in to their old shared Instagram account to try and talk to her again, but because we have eachother's accounts, I blocked him. I'll tell her when she's awake tomorrow.
So, my question: am I the asshole for trying to cut this toxic, abusive person out of both of our lives?
I'm only asking because I have no clue how this is REALLY affecting her, but she seems to have less panic attacks and breakdowns now.
**TL;DR abusive ex who I have a terrible relationship with wants to remain in my girlfriend's life, but I refuse to keep dating her and putting up with her breakdowns if he stays because it fucks me up too.**
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
INuXHsPHlv1cMXacv7dEIIQpgCkronHJ
|
aydpv2
|
{
"description": "cutting off a hot mess friend and judging her choices",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting off a hot mess friend and judging her choices?
|
Im friends with a woman named Laura. We both have kids the same age. She has had a divorce, suffers heavily from PD, & has ADD, but she is on meds.
There have been a couple instances that make me not want to continue our friendship, but my DD loves her kids. I feel guilty b/c she will FaceTime us & her kid will be crying for mine, she will tell me how her kid wakes up in the night crying for mine. I feel guilty that she might need support and I’m slamming the door in her face.
So here’s why I cut her out:
She had an affair w/ her married boss who recently had a baby
We would have girl talk about her hot boss or how he would flirt & I would make comments like oh gonna work late w/ your boss? But after they slept together I expressed how I thought that wasn’t right.
When she moved into her house she didn’t have trash service, she said it was to overwhelming to figure it out. She threw all the trash into the garage. The smell was putrid & bugs started coming into the house. She hinted at wanting to take my car to load up the trash & go to the dump but I wasnt having it.
At a play date her kid took a party favor from a bday & lied to her about it. She said they gave it to her, Laura confirmed with the party host that it was not true but they had extra. Laura let her keep the party favor after lying & stealing it. I was irritated by this b/c my daughter was crying & didn’t understand why she couldnt have one.
She is escorting.
When she first told me about the sugar daddy website I thought it was a joke like if all else fails I could be a stripper! We laughed & talked about the guys profile, & how cringey it was. I was saying things like oh 65 isn’t so bad! Just close your eyes! Money is money! She told me about a foot fetish guy who would pay her $100 just to rub her feet. I said sign me up! Sign up Zach (my dh) too! Will he pay for me to get a pedicure? We didn’t talk for ~2 months afterwards, then she told me in passing at a bday party she was actually escorting.
Now this may be petty but she has borrowed my car and used over half a tank of gas. I asked her to pay me twice but she never did.
Will show up at least an 30 mins to 2 hrs late.
Will say she can’t find her wallet, asks me to pay while she dumps out her purse onto the floor, never pays me back.
This is petty but she embarrasses me. Kids have no shoes, matted hair, she has had old suckers stuck to her phone. She will bring 2 diaper bags b/c she she doesn’t know what is in it, throws dirty diapers in a pile outside while the kids are playing, house is a mess, car is a mess. She has had to call her kids (under 4) over the intercom at play places & sent workers to look for them.
I deleted her off of Facebook but her sons birthday is coming up & I know she is going to reach out.
Am I TA for judging her on these things & should I give her the benefit of the doubt or is cutting her out the right way to go?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
VllsxyizBJ0ey6FimiQGCSvdqBa37VBH
|
b4jgg5
|
{
"description": "not telling my out of work girlfriend about an opening at the store I work at",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not telling my out of work girlfriend about an opening at the store I work at?
|
My girlfriend has been out of work since February. We live together and living on my pay alone has been really tight. There an opening at the hardware store I work at and I have a good relationship with the manager so I think if I really tried I could get her hired. I just REALLY don’t think it’s a good idea. Work all day with her and then be home all night with her. It seems like a recipe for disaster. She hasn’t had much luck in her job search so far though.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 14,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
J9iNAkQG32Sj986fUJg2vBlr2znzJRWw
|
ayxwia
| null |
AITA?
|
18.5% of my paycheck goes to child support. This isn’t court ordered this is a personal agreement between the mother and I. To be noted when I asked an amount she had told me about 25% less than that and I instead give more. Her new hubby had gotten orders to Japan but needed my signature for my daughter to get a passport to come with. I am also in japan and we had discussed me having her for 3 months out of the year instead of the usual one month I get when I come home on leave. Child care where I’m at is about 26% of my paycheck. The mother refused to budge on any of the child support at all even though my daughter would be with my for three months now instead of not much at all plus me having to spend so much solely on daycare not even including actually providing for her. I refused to sign the passport paper because of her not being willing to compromise. In turn that made them not able to come to japan. This was all two weeks ago. Now they are going to Virginia instead which I haven’t been told by her mother. I only know because she posted it on FB and my Grandmother saw it and told me. And biggest issue of all is that my daughter has a hole in her heart and they just found out. Again. She hasn’t said a word to me, I only know because of my grandma. Am I the asshole in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
SGOSvdiwGU5BnFUUUHNgZCWHnwjYphSt
|
9uunsq
|
{
"description": "telling a friend to chew more quietly",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for telling a friend to chew more quietly?
|
Hi all, just a minor thing. One of my friends that I see almost every day kinda eats like a slob; mouth open, slurping sounds, all that. We're fairly close and spend a lot of time together, but the noises really really really bother me, and I find myself constantly trying to avoid having a meal with him (it's that bad). WIBTA for somehow asking him to tone it down? If not, how would I go about doing so in a nice way?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
eE2wLL7GX6MV1XPc8NJpqCE7uKlVQfsW
|
b3f9qu
| null |
AITA, but the asshole in question is someone else.
|
Here, the asshole in question is a girl I know.
She posted a story on her Instagram of a screenshot of her telling a group chat to use guys only for their money.
I'm not sure if it was sarcasm or not.
Later, she put up more stories that showed guys saying "blow me and I'll pay you if that's what you really care for" and other stuff like that.
She then says she hates guys because they're all perverts.
And again she posts a story where a guy messages her inappropriately, and then says, "well I'm a pervert, aren't I?
She asked my good friend if she should have ever gotten herself into this mess, and her friend came to me.
I just wanted your opinion on whether or not she is the asshole, or the guys messaging her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
Dx5vheebG6dlS4UT2oi27J2rlgLDoV49
|
an4h6b
|
{
"description": "questioning my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for questioning my girlfriend?
|
Whenever I'm with my girlfriend and she gets a text message or snapchat, she goes under the covers to look at it. When we're outside she seems to slightly move her screen away from me. When I go under the covers to see what shes doing she immediately puts her phone down. Even when we're cuddling she would put her phone behind my head to text. I questioned her about it asking if it bothers her and if she thinks I'm trying to look at her phone screen. She got mad telling me what she thinks she trying to hide from me. I asked her who shes texting and snapchatting but she told me it's her sister. This was a bit crazy on my part but I checked her and her sisters snap score but only hers went up by a lot while her sister only went up by two. Shes upset at me that I think shes hiding something. Am I just being paranoid or AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
7SeWjlqysjOtAxBWF1sKG0GBcAPWM7Nb
|
atzy96
|
{
"description": "making my gf start paying some of the bills over a single incident",
"pronormative_score": 321,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
WIBTA if I make my gf start paying some of the bills over a single incident?
|
Gf and I live together. She only works part time. I pay all the rent and bill. I never minded it until last night.
We went to grab some take out and I realized I left my wallet in my work pants. I told her she’d have to get it. Her attitude about the whole thing was so ugly. At first she couldn’t believe it and asked me if I was serious in this almost disgusted tone. She acted so put out by it.
It was some fucking take out. Under $40. I pay EVERYTHING. I understand she only makes a little, but that little is probably a lot with no expenses. I know it was only one incident, but I haven’t been able to get it out of my head since. It’s really rubbing my the wrong way. She wouldn’t be able to pay a lot of the bills, but I feel like it’s time for her to start carrying her weight. Just out of principal.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 321,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 5
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 321,
"WRONG": 15
}
|
RIGHT
|
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