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a8vb74
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{
"description": "asking my girlfriend to give me more attention in social situations than other people",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my girlfriend to give me more attention in social situations than other people?
|
We've been together for more than a year now and she already indirectly told me before that I'm the first priority in her life.
Context: It was her birthday a few days ago, i was preparing some stuff for her and bought her a birthday present. When her birthday came, i had to visit early in the afternoon but due to some problems in my family i couldn't go that early. So, i told her that i wouldn't be able to come because i wanted to give her a surprise when she wouldn't expect me to visit her house. I texted her bestfriend too and she was also going a bit late so we both decided to dupe her into thinking that we both aren't going to come. But when we (we called some other friends too) went to her house, she sees everyone and hugs her bestfriend, and another friend of hers while i was still just by her side. She went on to ignore me (dk if it was intentional or unintentional). So, today i ask her about this and tell her that i felt somewhat ignored but she basically told me that i shouldn't be this insecure about these little things and i should change this habit of mine. FYI she's not that expressive about the love physically or vocally always but i know she cares about me and loves me alot because she does spend most of the time when she's alone with me when she's alone or if there are no friends around and she did alot for my birthday too by making some DIY stuff i could never make in a lifetime.
Am i in the wrong for asking some attention in social settings? I feel left out. If i am being too insecure, I'd love to change that and become better for her because i know that we'll stick together forever but i just don't want to hurt her by nagging her about these things.
Help.
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
cRdIfhdNv0oA2OwmeRiDtDnwjQ6nRxw4
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azcxjk
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{
"description": "walking out on the job",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for walking out on the job?
|
We get a lot of downtime, and people talk during downtime. I've worked here for nearly 2 years and it's never been a problem. I don't talk to a lot of people there but there's a few people I talk to a lot. If people aren't talking during downtime, they stand there.
I had a manager threaten us with more work for talking too much. I asked if that was a new rule and he said "I'm telling you now."
I said that has never been an issue. I asked if talking was agaist the rules now. I was told that I'm here to work. I asked if anyone else was here to work. He didn't answer that and I was told he could find me something to do.
I said I'm just gonna go home and told him "Yall don't do anyone else this way." Was told to talk to the owner if I wanted my job back.
I've been stewing on it all day. He did everything he could to steer the conversation away from the double standard and wouldn't acknowledge it or deny it. But my buddy was a bit less graceful when he walked out, accused one of the managers with playing favorites, and she very vocally disagreed with him.
I've had problems with them selectively enforcing shit for a while but this was the most brazen. I don't know if I over reacted but my pride wouldn't let me do much less.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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AUTHOR
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{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
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|
WRONG
|
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|
aymh18
|
{
"description": "returning items to another store",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for returning items to another store (same company)?
|
This incident has been lingering in my head for a while and I just wanted some more insight on it. This happened years ago.
My mom and I went to this shopping mall that was pretty far from our house to look for something specific (I can't remember what) and we came across Victoria's Secret. We decided to get me a few pairs of bras but at the time I had no idea just how expensive they were, so I just went with it though I didn't *need* to get them. We then later that same day went to another mall that is closer to our home and my mom told me we were getting short on money so we couldn't get too much. I asked her how much we spent at Victoria's Secret and it came out to be a whopping 400-500 dollars. I told her I'd much rather return the items that we bought and only kept one because that's all I really needed, so we proceeded to go to the Victoria's Secret at the mall we were in to return them.
The manager was pissed right the fuck off after she asked us where we got the bras from (not her store) and at first refused to refund us. She demanded that if we wanted to return the bras, that we go back to the other store instead. My mom and the manager argued back and forth a bit and eventually we got the refund.
​
Looking back at it now, I think the manager was pissed or something because getting returns would hurt their sales or something? Not sure how that all works.
​
So, were we the assholes for returning the items to a different store rather than the original store from which we bought from? I just want to know exactly why she was mad, I'm only speculating here.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
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OTHER
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"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
9w5brq
|
{
"description": "getting annoyed that my fiancé's friend drank all of our booze",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting annoyed that my fiancé’s friend drank all of our booze?
|
So me and my fiancé went on a week long trip and asked one of his friends to stay at our house for the week to watch our cat. We told him he doesn’t have to sleep there every night but at least a few nights and just feed the cat. He said he doesn’t mind sleeping at our place every night cuz it’s closer to his job, cool.
He’s watched our cat before when we went on shorter 2-3 day trips, and we always pay him. We offered him $150 for the week, which I know doesn’t sound like a lot but he’s a friend of my fiancé and really all he had to do was feed the cat, we weren’t asking for anything crazy. Also, I’d like to add I’ve never met this friend for more than 2 minutes. He works at the same place as my fiancé and they don’t really hang out outside of work, so I’ve only met him in passing when visiting my fiancé at work.
Anyway, I left him a note telling him to feed her wet food in the morning, dry food at night. I also told him a few other things in the note (the code to the house, how to lock the front and back door, etc) and I ended it with saying “feel free to use our fridge and help yourself to what’s in the fridge!”
We come back from our week long trip and first of all I notice all the wet food is gone and none of the dry food is, meaning he either read the note and didn’t care what I said or didn’t read the note.
I opened the fridge and all the booze is gone, I open the freezer and all the booze is gone. We had a bunch of expensive and nonexpensive beer in the fridge, two bottles of vodka in the freezer (one that I used for cooking), a bottle of white wine, and a bottle of rum. Overall it was probably $150 worth of booze. He drank it all. Literally all of it.
Now, normally I would just think hey this guy sucks. But in the note I did say help yourself. However I was always taught that was more of like....just a nice thing to say. Yes certainly I can have a few things, but if I was staying at someone’s house and getting paid to do it, and they said help yourself to what’s in the fridge, there’s no way I’d drink all their booze.
TLDR: fiancés friend was catsitting while we were abroad for a week, I left a note saying help yourself to what’s in the fridge and he drank all $150 or so of our booze. Am I the asshole for being annoyed?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 10,
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
allagl
|
{
"description": "being offended by my girlfriends opinion of a car",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
AITA for being offended by my girlfriends opinion of a car?
|
Let me start by saying that I don't have the thickest skin, especially when it comes to people that I am close with.
My girlfriend and I were leaving a parking lot when I mentioned that I would drive a Volkswagen beetle if it was like the one that I was pointing to, and that I like the car. She plainly said that she thought the car was girly. I told her that I didn't think it was necessarily girly and that I liked it. This started an argument between us and she said that anyone would think the car was girly. I was basically saying that I didn't like that her first statement to me saying that I liked the car was that it was girly. After about 30 seconds to a minute of arguing she said the "I shouldn't be taking this up the butt." I started to be quiet and just kinda lean towards door of the car and turn my head away. She continued to talk about how I always get hurt by things that I have no right to get hurt by and that she isn't gonna apologize for something she didn't do wrong (I never asked her too, I only asked her to be more sensitive sometimes). She continually got more mad at me for saying that I caused the argument and telling me that I always do this. When we got back to her place I eventually left because I didn't want to argue all night long and I could tell it wasn't gonna stop until I told her that I understand all of what she is saying and that she is right. I haven't apologized but she said I had "the power to fix this but I'm choosing not to."
​
I know that I sometimes get offended easily, but AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
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OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 19
}
|
WRONG
|
klYg0s0BlwddAgMceO00MHYdeH2HNtnz
|
a4rvph
|
{
"description": "punching a person and then calling the police on them",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for punching a person and then calling the police on them
|
This was probably about 2 months ago and I’ve been sitting with it for a while. Basically, me and my flatmates were having a large pre session before going out clubbing in our accommodation as per student life. As a result of this, lots of people we didn’t know were invited and one of which is the person in question(I’ll refer to him as J from now on).See I hadn’t interacted with J at all throughout the pre session nor out clubbing as he seemed in a different type of crowd which was later to be proven right. Anyway, after we were coming back to our house to sit about and chat, J’s coming back with another flatmates friend holding him as he is quite clearly drunk. We had a girl who apparently knew him and such and was a possible ex of, but not sure, who he would tell to fuck off and stuff. This girl in question was also out of it so she would shrug it off but I didn’t really like that but didn’t do anything. So we and J make it back to our house only for J to be falling all over the place in our kitchen and throwing up in our sink. My flatmates friend was trying to look after him but he obviously didn’t want to be there and was telling us that J, along with being drunk, had taken several Xanax so he was very drugged up. Eventually I ended up getting roped into looking after him and I’m not very happy with this as I hate dealing with very drunk/high people. I ended up helping J do a variety of activities like taking him to the toliet/ walking him about etc. This is at roughly 1/2 in the morning and I’m tired and don’t want to deal with this. After all this, one of female flatmates offered to have him sleep on the floor of her room which I was very adamant against as it was unfair on her as she’d likely not get to sleep and would have to look after J. As a result I asked J, who had driven down to our flat, if he would like to stay in his car or in the house to which he said the car. Before I could take him to his car, he wanted to have another drink out of a box of cider in this room which he claimed to be his. I didn’t think him drinking anymore was a good idea so I lied that it was mine but he kept pursuing so I ended up compromising and saying he can have the box but he had to put it in his boot which he said yes to. So after this I take him all the way to his car, have him put the cider in the boot and let him get in. I was very aware of the possibility of him attempting to drive off so I hanged around for a little bit to make sure. This is when he does turn the cars engine on, so I refuse to let him drive off and run over to his car saying he can’t stay in the car and I’ll take him inside. He starts getting aggressive telling me to fuck off, which I was not planning to do, repeatedly which, along with the other factors, made me angry to a point where I tried to forcibly remove him from the car which I fail at. He then gets out and starts screaming at me to fuck off which I lose my cool and hit him in the face. This absolutely sets him off as he starts screaming and cussing at me. Some people from the pre session drag him away to his car where he begins to start kicking his car and making loads of noise at 2 in the morning. Someone gets woken up by this and tells us to call the police which I ended up doing. The police ended up taking him away and I remained at home without consequences for what I did. I’m not a natural angry fighter guy and this was the first “fight” I was in so I ended up crying in my room for a bit. Later I heard that J had previous episodes of being depressed and the Xanax he took was possibly for that which made me feel worse. We haven’t heard from him since so I don’t know what happened to him and the possible ex of him doesn’t either as she and her friends blocked him as he tried to punch one of the females apparently. Hopefully you guys can give judgement for my actions.
tl;dr- Drunk and on Xanax person attempted to drive car. I got angry at this, ended up punching him causing lots of noise and calling the police on him. Person possibly had depression.
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"AUTHOR": 2,
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}
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AUTHOR
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{
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WRONG
|
6h0zyZ15kLV6nIhQfncZmv6IWsosbzt4
|
b8x2bz
|
{
"description": "being upset about my parents financial choices",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset about my parents financial choices?
|
For some background info, I'm currently finishing up my final year of HS; so I'm stuck at home for the time being.
(I'm also on mobile and it's 6 AM, so with my lack of sleep I apologize for any typos or grammar issues.)
Both my mother and my father have been addicted to nicotine before I was even born. And as all nicotine addictions are, it's damn near impossible to break it, hence why my mother smoked through her 3 pregnancies without thinking twice.
Throughout my childhood, I've been picked on for smelling like smoke since it was always in the house, and all of my clothes and school supplies were covered in the filthy scent of cigarette smoke. It got to the point where my childhood friends never wanted to step foot inside the house.
But enough about painting them in a bad light.
My father recently lost his job, and my mother finally got one after more than a decade due to a disability. We've fallen on hard times when it comes to money, and we barely pull through on fees and rent. They won't let me assist after I got a job to specifically help with this, so I left it alone.
Yesterday, my mother told me that we couldn't afford groceries until the fifteenth (and this is a normal thing)... but they always manage to have just enough money for cigarettes.
Every other day, if not every day, my mother goes to the convenience store down the street and purchases two packs of cigarettes - and they're definitely not cheap.
Every time I bring it up, she gets hostile, and says that I should mind my own business. I've given up confronting her since of course, I'm her kid and how she spent the money was none of my business, but it's starting to worry me that whatever little money we have goes straight into this addiction.
I'm trying so hard not to say something again because like I said, it's not my money or place to say anything. I just feel like it'd be a dick move.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
}
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OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
ZZXezEHxC8GOBzcMuGpmdq7sVaUiDG4Y
|
askr56
|
{
"description": "wearing a doctors mask to work in the lobby of a social services office",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for wearing a doctors mask to work in the lobby of a social services office.
|
Been working as a security guard in the lobby of a social service office for awhile (too long) while studying (CompTIA and programming) and searching for other work. Now I like to help people. Plenty of folks that come through and I’ll talk to them, listen to their woes and interests, give advice and encouragement where I can. I even have a paper I print out for new adults to help them get ahead if they put in the work. Even talk about when I was homeless and the lengths I went to, to pull myself up by the bootstraps. Including how I made sure that I didn’t stink. But there are some things that I am terse about. Yes you need a ticket, no you cannot just ask a quick question ( too many people took advantage of that phrase), drop box or ticket to drop off paper work etc. My strictness has gotten me in trouble ( and sometimes my own “rudeness” that comes from being raised old school between Marine dad and admiring grandparents generation). However a recent stern talking to was about how I’ve taken up wearing a facemask. One of the washable doctors kind. When asked I’d honestly answer “because sick people have walked up and breathed in my face ( but apologise to everyone else for their cold) and some people just stink.” so the boss has gotten complaints that the mask makes me seem unapproachable and I should take it off. Her response about the sick people is that “they” (social workers) have to go in an office with the customers and just have to take their vitamins and put up with it. So me , minimum wage, three sick days, no vacation days, and underpaid for this bs.
TLDR AITA for wearing a facemask to not get sick or smell stinky people.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
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|
aa5qsy
|
{
"description": "not spoiling/pay for all of my girlfriends dates",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA if I don’t spoil/pay for all of my girlfriends dates?
|
I was talking with my brother in law. He’s a really conservative guy and is really into gender roles.
I told him I only sometimes pay for the date whenever I go out with my girlfriend. Sometimes she pays.
He told me I’m an asshole (his literal words) for doing this. He says I should be being a gentleman and paying for her dates, constantly buying her gifts, etc.
I told him I don’t want to get taken advantage of. I’m not some charity. Sure I’ll pay for dinner sometimes, but not all the time. I’ll buy her a gift here and there.
But I keep it 50/50 with her. That’s the way it should be right? (Btw my girlfriend doesn’t care at all, and is totally fine with it)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
cuVujFNjjU9jCQqPkyyrn4sNUwGh2e0X
|
9uhwid
|
{
"description": "deciding not to reconnect with my estranged father",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I decided not to reconnect with my estranged father?
|
Recently my father, who I haven't seen since I was 4-years-old (I'm 27 now), messaged me on Facebook to tell me that he might be dying, so naturally I felt compelled to respond.
But, after speaking with him a bit through Facebook messages I found out that he's just going to get some additional medical tests after having a somewhat concerning urine test during a routine physical — something his doctor told him could indicate a \*possible\* cancer diagnosis. Which still would not necessarily mean that he's about to die. He has learned nothing yet and I felt that his initial message to me was a little deceptive.
I understand why he would take the opportunity to try to get me to talk to him, but I reallllly don't like feeling as though I'm being manipulated. Even though I felt this way I said that I would be open to speaking with him on the phone in the future, but that I needed some time to feel comfortable doing so. He suggested we talk over the weekend, but I never responded to his message, since I'm still not feeling super comfortable engaging with him and he is not in fact dying.
Then, come Sunday, I received another message from him, clearly irritated that I did not call him. Now, I feel pretty confidant that I don't want to reconnect with him.
He's been trying to get in touch with me off and on for the past couple of years, but since he abruptly left my life 23 years ago I haven't really felt inclined to reconnect. And, even before he left my life completely he treated me pretty terribly, leaving me places unattended, talking poorly about my mother in her absence - something she never did, and he just always made me really uncomfortable.
I don't like that he manipulated me into speaking with him initially and I don't like that he's already expressed anger towards me. I feel like there's nothing to gain from this relationship, so I don't know why I would continue trying to reconnect. And, just the thought of speaking to him triggers a sense of fear and anxiety within me.
My friends are concerned that if I don't speak to him at some point that I will eventually regret not knowing him and feel horrible when he does die eventually. But...I don't think I will. I feel like I already know him, and he's not a great guy. I love the family that actually raised me so much, they're my favorite people and I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything.
So, would I be the asshole if I just didn't try to reconnect with him?
​
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
ammwre
|
{
"description": "not wanting to tie my hair for my mom's birthday",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I don’t want to tie my hair for my mom’s birthday?
|
Sorry if the format’s weird for y’all desktop guys, this is on mobile.
So, when I was in the Philippines, my parents had a big, official Catholic wedding planned in Mindanao, (the largest island in the south, right on the equator.) But, since due the military’s ban from going there due to the “rampant gang warfare,” and since my father’s part of the military, he got reprimanded and was forced to go back or else he’ll be labeled a deserter (another reason I hate the American government.)
As you can guess, my mom was devastated, crying day and night for three days, saying that if she could, she would enroll my siblings and I into a Philippine school until she felt better, just purely destroyed. Thankfully she recovered quickly. Six months after, my mom starts planning her birthday party as if it was her wedding. Party gifts, huge amount of people, a priest, everything.
Now, this is where the hair thing comes in, I, as a guy, has long hair, little past shoulder length, I’m short, 5’3 , and obese to say the least, bmi 31. I have self-esteem issues I don’t talk about, me feeling like I have no control over anything, meaning I’m stuck with this worthless body that I absolutely despise. But my hair, is one of things feel in control with. So, I keep it long because I like it that way. I brush it sometimes and I overall that care of it, but my mom hates it.
Always saying that it’s dirty basically whenever we go anywhere. Or even just sitting at home watching a movie. I adamantly refuse to use hair ties in my mind because I feels like I’m losing one of the only things I can control in my life. I feel like I look more gross with one than without it. I never that though because I don’t like feeling like a burden, but with the hair tie I feel absolutely awful.
Whenever my mom yells at me about, I’m not sure if she means to imply this but, it feels like she’s implying that I’m a disappointment, she seems to believe in the long hair = gay of her childhood and I guess she doesn’t want that for me. I feel like I’m the least loved because of my long hair and mediocre grades. I just, don’t know what to do, suck it up for the entire party for her sake or just let myself feel good for her party.
Now, besides all of the negatives, my mom is the best women I’ve ever known. She’s always there for me no matter what and isn’t afraid of anything. I feel so selfish just writing this, but, I just want to know, am I the asshole? Sorry if this is too long for y’all’s taste. I’m not asking advice, just judge me oh great gods of reddit.
Summary, my mom’s been devastated after canceling her huge wedding my parents have been planning for years and starts planning her birthday as a faux wedding. My mom wants me to tie my hair but I don’t want to due to self esteem issues. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aoj0qy
|
{
"description": "stealing one of my friends onion rings because he yells offensive slurs at us on a daily basis",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For stealing one of my friends onion rings because he yells offensive slurs at us on a daily basis
|
So one of my friends yells offensive slurs at me and a few other friends on a daily basis so at lunch the other day, I stole a few onion rings because why not, and split it amongst the friends. So am I the a**hole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
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EVERYBODY
|
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"WRONG": 4
}
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WRONG
|
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|
apl00c
|
{
"description": "thinking my boyfriend is cheating",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for thinking my boyfriend is cheating?
|
I recently began dating this guy that I’ve been best friends with for about two years now. We’ve always had a crush on each other, but no one has acted on it, until now. It’s been only a month since we became official, but it already seems like he’s keeping something from me. This is my first “serious” relationship, (I’m 16, btw) and I don’t really know how this stuff works yet.
So on to the reason I believe he’s cheating/keeping something from me:
Last weekend, he went over to some girls house that I do not know. While he was there, he’d take upwards of 3-4 hours at a time to respond to my snapchats, when he usually answers almost Instantly. I’m not one of those psychos that freak out if their SO doesn’t answer right away, but it was out of the ordinary for him. But whatever, I let him enjoy his time with her, although I was jealous. But I felt guilty for being jealous because he’s allowed to spend time with other people.
We have geography class together, and I sit next to him, and I could see a name on his Snapchat that I recognized. It was this girl I added a while ago. But the problem with this is that the name was changed to be her name, followed by two hearts. When you add her on Snapchat, the hearts are not there.
He also never lets me see his phone. I’ve noticed that whenever I touch his phone, he freaks. And when he uses it, he purposely points his screen away from me.
And, he called my female best friend cute not too long ago. It made me uncomfortable, but I didn’t say anything. He also doesn’t treat me much different from his other friends. He has called me “babe” and “beautiful” a handful of times, but he mostly calls me “fam” or “bro”. It really bothers me, but it’s just a habit for him, as he always calls everyone that.
AITA for thinking he’s cheating/uninterested in me? Or am I overthinking?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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HFghOsbvZLuTKnewXusHdZ8rFVDm7IJ8
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abo1j6
|
{
"description": "not wanting to work at my parents supermarket",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to work at my parents supermarket?
|
A bit of backstory:
I am a 22yo F who lives in a non US country. Throughout my entire childhood I was mentally and physically abused by my father until the age of 16 when I escaped to university where I managed to enter into a medical degree. All my uni fees and some of my living costs were paid through loans and parents paid the rest of my living costs for the past 5 years (around 100USD a week).
My parents own a medium sized supermarket. Every summer break and occasional semester breaks throughout uni I would work at the shop for free which added up to around 3 months a year of full time work.
As of this past year due to some bad business decisions sprinkled with a bit of bad luck the supermarket has been struggling and they are barely keeping afloat.
Current situation:
I've been working at the supermarket for the past 3months for 60+ hours a week with the only day off being Christmas day. In addition to this I've been emotionally and physically abused both at home and work since I've had to move back in with them. The whole time I've been trying to get days off as a rest and to spend time with friends as this is the last long holiday I will have for a very long time (starting work as a graduate doctor at the end of the year so very hard to get leave). This is all without pay as usual.
I have been told repeatedly that asking for time off is me being ungrateful and not considering the family and the business. That I am the worst daughter someone could ever have and I should be ashamed of my laziness.
So my question is am I the asshole for saying that I don't want to work at the family business this much even though it is struggling?
Tldr: I've been asked by my emotionally and physically abusive father to work for free for 60+ hours a week over my holidays to save a failing supermarket.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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WPW19vxQEhicYcpJzpw9CuGga0LPW9Uh
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ab29gy
|
{
"description": "telling an acquaintance's mom on her for drinking and driving",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for telling an acquaintance’s mom on her for drinking and driving?
|
I know a girl who is always posting pictures of herself drinking and driving on snapchat. I messaged her and confronted her about it and she blocked me. If she had her snapchat location on I would’ve already called the cops on her. One day she is going to kill herself/someone else, and I don’t know how to stop her from doing it.
The only thing I can think of to stop her is to tell her mom on her. I know it sounds so childish, but she is 19 and still living at home with her mom. WIBTA for doing that?
Also, anyone have any other ideas on how to stop her?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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DVgkuoXXywVRv5wPQD5uLctNhwQN9kP4
|
b9vaj4
|
{
"description": "continuing to have sex when my roommate and her brother were home",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for continuing to have sex when my roommate and her brother were home?
|
Long time lurker here using a throwaway just in case. TL;DR at the bottom.
Background: I (24M) share a 2 bedroom apartment with a roommate (25F). We’ve lived together for more than a half year without any real issues until last night. We’re both single, and I have invited girls over to the apartment in the past and have given her a heads up nearly 100% of the time beforehand, while she doesn’t really date at all. Last night I had a date planned with a girl I met on Tinder. I figured it was possible that she may come back to our place, so I warned my roommate. She let me know she would be downtown with her younger brother (18) seeing a concert, and that they would be back after midnight. She also said she was not comfortable with the girl being there while her brother was there, but that as long as the girl left before they came home then we were good. I asked her to text me when they were on their way to be safe, but that I would have the girl out by 11:30 if things went that way. So the girl and I met up for drinks, and the chemistry was there. I invited her back to my place, and we got there around 10:00. We go to my room and start up pretty quickly.
Shit hits the fan: By around 10:30 we’re in a joint session of Congress, and I hear the front door open. I immediately stopped since the apartment was quiet, grabbed a Bluetooth speaker, put on some music, and got back at it. While putting on the music I noticed my roommate had texted me a warning, but it was 2 hours earlier than she said they would be back, and me and this girl weren’t anywhere close to done. So I made sure the music covered any noises, and spent the next hour getting several resolutions passed. We finish at 11:30, get dressed, and she’s out of the apartment at 11:35. After walking my date to her car, I checked my phone and see I got texts from my roommate, threatening to “Scream if she doesn’t leave” and ending with “IM SO FUCKING PISSED, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS”.
AITA here? Should I have stopped on the spot just because they got home? Or am I justified because they got back earlier than expected? Would love some feedback here.
TL;DR: Roommate and her teenage brother came home early while I was having sex with a girl in my room, and I just put on music and didn’t stop. Roommate is pissed.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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GsnJc35ybmzx0K6XWW0klXibPFixfUJ5
|
aesoj8
|
{
"description": "wanting to play d&d",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to play d&d?
|
So here's a bit of context, I usually only see my gf at weekends I also have 2 d&d groups I run and normally we arrange for when she's not here (she doesn't play).
This week, because of car trouble, I've been staying with her. Both groups have messaged saying about playing Friday (tonight) and Sunday this weekend, so I mentioned the idea of playing d&d tonight and on Sunday and she has basically made me feel like I'm the most garbage human ever for wanting to play d&d during "our time together". Am I in the wrong for wanting to play d&d?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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dz9VAIZd0qSU7zQkFobS4iYrWyYwcx8T
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b43bmw
|
{
"description": "not taking my son camping",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not taking my son camping?
|
Throw away account because I know a few of my kids use reddit.
So I have three kids, an oldest daughter and two younger sons. When my daughter and older son were young we started going on camping trips pretty regularly. My wife hates camping so she was happy to let us go together as a bonding trip. My daughter loved it but my son HATED it and we could both tell. Well over the years my youngest was born and when he was a little older we'd take him too. Eventually, my middle son specifically asked me if it would be okay if he didn't go with us on the camping trip with us. I was disappointed, but understood, so he stayed home with his mom. Well over the years we went on at least one camping trip every summer, usually more, and after turning down so many invites over the years they eventually just stopped coming. By the time my daughter was in college it was just assumed that my oldest son did not want to go anymore, so we just wouldn't invite him. I wasn't purposefully trying to exclude him, we all just assumed we didn't want to go, even his mother, and so we'd plan the trip and go without him.
Well, recently (my children are older now, my youngest is a senior in high school and my others have both graduated from college) we decided to go on another camping trip to celebrate my son graduating high school. As always, we just assumed my middle would want to stay home.
One evening the whole family got together to celebrate my wife's birthday and it all came pouring out. My son very angrily revealed to us that he resented us because we never brought him on these family bonding trips. He told us he felt that we excluded him from everything, not only the camping trips, which I genuinely don't know what those other things would be. He said that just because he didn't want to go a few times when he was younger didn't mean that he appreciated never being invited now that he's older. He told us that he never asked to be invited because he felt like we didn't want him there. OF COURSE we wanted him there we just always assumed he was more than happy to stay home because he had never wanted to go in the past, so we never invited him. Am I the asshole for stopping the invites as time went on?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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JFLwqJ9nIGzN7yQnJvadK1LM55DnZlSs
|
ardelf
| null |
AITA - Ended my parent's toxic marriage, am I the asshole?
|
I'll preface this by saying my parent's marriage has been toxic from the start. Mother (43) is a Bi-polar Narcissist with a plethora of health issues and step-father (62) is an enabler, with a marriage that lasted just over twenty years. The events that led up to this all happened within the last three years so I'll start there.
My step father was working in a factory that made greeting cards and during his time there, he was hit on by several women half his age. This doesn't sit well with mother for obvious reasons, but rather than bring it up and talk about it, mother 'befriends' the most persistant woman at the factory and for roughly 4 months, they appear to be best friends. Fast forward a few months, my step-father has to work a double shift and my mother for reasons unknown, went down to visit her mother down south on the exact same night. When she returned, she was convinced my step-father was a cheater and proceeded to yell at him about it nearly every day for three years straight. This is despite the fact that he answered his phone four times to let us at home know he was at work still. It got violent at times but my step-father never pressed charges because he genuinely still loves her despite everything she's done. Fast forward two years with every day feeling the same with yelling until my step-father went to work and more when he returned.
On one particularly violent night after she had gone through my step-father's phone at least 3 times in the same day desperate to find 'evidence', I snuck in and grabbed her phone. On it, I find her messenger app flooded with thirsty guys doing what thirsty guys do. Her other social media accounts are absolutely vile, mocking her husband (The only dad I've ever had) for loving her despite her evils. I took screenshots, copied videos and pictures and returned her phone to her while she was asleep. The next day, I brought it to the attention of my step-father during one of their arguments and he broke down while she made an attempt to attack me with a lamp. Their divorce was filed a few weeks ago and they no longer see eachother.
​
Am I the asshole?
​
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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q6K70uml4Jpk22VmAkE1VErbuXNNRn2c
|
b54g93
| null |
AITA Just broke up with my girlfriend because she is going to become an ND (Naturopathic Doctor)
|
I feel like a total ass hat. Love should not be about money or view on life. It should be about how much you care about someone, the feeling of LOVE you feel for them. But in my case my vision of our future and the love of my life's vision is totally different. I just broke up with the love of my life because she absolutely is dead set determined to attend Naturopathic school in order to work with cancer patients. She believes that vaccinations lead to autism and a whole heap of pseudoscience that basic science disproves such as homeopathy . I believe alternative medicine that works is just normal medicine. I understand that the world is over prescribed, doctors are just prescribing medication to negate the symptoms as opposed to digging deeper to treat the root cause of the issue. But I am not willing to go back to the dark ages of science because modern medication works. I think that ND's have there place in this world as a alternative to modern medicine. If a ND wants to prescribe Karen's toddler turmeric for his bruise than so be it. But I just can not condone giving up on modern medical practices in favor of pseudoscience.
​
I feel so wrong. None of this is should matter. Love is love and I do not think that I could care for someone more than her. But I just can not see myself with someone going into this field. In our last argument that ultimately lead to our break up the main thing I brought up was the money, about 200k dept for a 4 year ND school that I would have to support her threw. I feel so shitty that is the point I made to end this amazing beautiful thing. I have already talked to my family and friends and they all let me know that it shouldn't matter. I try to tell myself it doesn't matter but to me sadly it does. I have been numbing the pain of a 10 year relationship ended over the past few hours just totally mentally falling apart. A relationship to the only person I have ever loved over something so material as a fucking school and money. I feel sick to my stomach. Sorry is this post is scattered brained but I am absolutely lost and hurt worst than I knew was possible.
Her sister has already graduated from this small school with a ND degree and I feel she at best is providing a placebo effect and at worst is providing a placebo effect to someone who will die because they have not seen a MD.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
rXAEKzd4iTYxcHrIqHmgJirMC8DQEcXt
|
b3ja40
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go to his brother's birthday party",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go to his brother’s birthday party?
|
I work as a waitress. Right now we are short staffed so I’ve been working a lot more than usual. This Friday is my husband’s little brother’s birthday. His family is having a big get together for it. Some even coming from out of town. Of course it’s also on the only full day off I will get this week. He says it’s important to him that I come, but it’s only Wednesday and I’m already exhausted.
If I had two days off this week I would go no problem. Some of his family members that are coming we only see during Christmas. I really just want to sit around In pjs though and watch some Netflix. My husband thinks I’m being selfish because “it’s not like you’d be working, it’s a birthday party”. I don’t think it’s selfish to want to have ONE day just to lay around.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
JWWCmoj6FfX4o7kcTzPqgo0VnAUPCV15
|
b20eo5
|
{
"description": "not letting my Wife buy expensive clothing",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA For not Letting my Wife buy Expensive clothing?
|
My wife and I are both fairly young, in our late twenties. We have a one year old child. She stays at home to take care of the child and I work about 50 hours a week as an aerospace engineer.
I make quite a lot of money, and I think this is relevant. I'm not rich by any means but I make way more money than we need to support our family. My wife comes from an even wealthier family, and her parents spoiled her with clothes and expensive gifts. (I'm going to mess up some brands but you get my point) When she was in school her every day wear was often super expensive lulu lemon leggings that were $100-150 per pair. She wore shoes that were easily $300+. She'd have 50 or 60 shirts, the same number of pants etc...
I would be able to afford to give her these same luxuries, but it would put a huge dent in our bank account. I see no need for $100+ items of clothing. To me it is wasteful and unnecessary. That being said I understand that these clothes make her happy, so I have no issues getting her them for special occasions (birthdays, christmas etc..). She isn't super happy about this and wants me to let her buy this type of stuff all the time. She says I'm being greedy and selfish by not allowing her to buy these clothes all the time. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
vIdhue2gJY3CzaR8kzLBboAzSamOg4pH
|
a72cl8
|
{
"description": "wanting my mom to be patient",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my mom to be patient?
|
Hey all, just curious about something.
​
I'm an 18 year old living at home with my mother and father. My mom is a nice enough Asian woman who recently had a minor surgery done. It certainly wasn't life-threatening but it did leave her away from work for a bit. Shoot forward a week, and my mom needs to do a follow-up appointment.
The follow-up is mostly for the doctors to check up on her, see if she did well recovering, etc, but the doctors hadn't called her in a day so she wanted me to call them (she doesn't speak English well, so I'm her translator more or less). I was playing a game at the time and it didn't exactly have a pause button (multiplayer) so I told her to wait, say, roughly 3 minutes or so. She started getting pouty and angry and told me to do it now, so I just dropped what I was doing and called (doctor is fine, by the way).
I'm sure this is a silly thing to be getting worked up over but she honestly ticked me off with this. Impatience just seems to run in her and I'm not a big fan of it.
Am I the asshole who doesn't care enough for their mother? Or does my mother need to learn to wait? Or some other third thing.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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xhT4FbjAfeDL8cTDgkKahghfgbLpcHqj
|
a9vyo9
|
{
"description": "wanting to break up with my boyfriend unless he stops giving his mother a portion of his income",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for wanting to break up with my boyfriend unless he stops giving his mother a portion of his income
|
My boyfriend gives his mother about 25% of his income, which ends up being around 1000 USD monthly. I think this is a ridiculous amount of money to be giving his mother. It's not like she's ill or anything, she just would rather pursue her own philanthropic dreams than work to earn money, as she's "working" to open up a community center. I couldn't explain to you why. I just found out that his mother is actually renting out extra rooms in their house to make extra income.
I don't want to say that he can't give his mother any money, but I don't think he realizes that I pick up the slack in our financial situations, as we can't afford for him to be giving her such a significant portion of his income. I frankly don't understand why she needs so much money a month, as the house and car are all paid off. I have a suspicion that she builds savings off my boyfriend's money, as she somehow manages to fund trips to Asia by herself despite not having a job.
Aside from his mother, he himself DOES need this money as he's pretty deep in cc debt and student loans. On top of rent, bills, and giving his mother money, we barely have enough to survive to the next paycheck and often I'd have to lend him money beyond my portion of things, so that he can cover HIS portion of the bills. It's not rare for him to pay bills late as he doesn't seem to have enough money to pay them all (as in all of his portion). It angers me that his mother is making a savings for herself when my boyfriend should be the one saving that money. Overall, it just bothers me that I have to pick up the financial burden created by giving his mother so much money and that she so willingly takes it when he has so much debt to solve. Vacations and using that money on me would be lovely, not going to lie, but I would much rather he have stable credit and an actual savings.
I would be okay with him giving her less of his income (10% seems reasonable), but she seems to believe that she's entitled to at least 25% his income because she paid for 18 years of his life and frankly, I don't want to continue this relationship with him if he doesn't change this, as I think it would be extremely difficult on me, in particular, to try to plan even just a wedding, let alone a life together or kids, with his mother being such a massive financial burden. I've brought it up with him several times throughout our relationship, but he always kinda ignores me and ends up brushing it aside without changing anything or even really discussing it.
tl;dr - I don't like that I have to pick up the financial burden caused by my boyfriend giving his mother 25% of his income for seemingly no reason and I want him to either stop giving her money entirely or give her significantly less. Otherwise, I would prefer ending the relationship because I don't think we could build a good future together like this. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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AzzvVqBraqlwvuGRMn0O6GbZydBewIZh
|
a2vdfq
| null |
Aita
|
Aita Parents owned a steak house before 2014 it came into some hard times in the early 2000. I was graduating high school and my parents had a sit down with me. Keep in mind I hadn't worked there yet or had any kind of job before then . This sit down discussed that I would not be inheriting the steak house but would have to buy it for one million dollars if that was truly my dream. This was in the ball park of what the property was valued at. After graduating highschool I enrolled in college full time and only had a few credits till my AA. This entire time I ended up running the kitchen at this steak house for my dad including ordering all the inventory and managing any employee assigned to my kitchen and assigning a schedule to my employees and managing their hours as well as closing every night . This job did not offer any medical or dental any benifits. Well to make this short I did this managing for a few years let's say from 2010 to 2014 well one day I quit and he closed down the steak house the next week claiming it was none of my fault . All my friends and distant family blame me and guilt trip me all the time . I now work a full time 40 to 50 hours a week job with full benefits and 401 k no one knows my side of the story but one guy I currently work with who claims I should have taken a million dollar loan and bought out the steak house from them any way and it's still my faulty ... So people who don't know the whole story say it's my fault and people who do still say it's on me ... Aita
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ih82uORstcOmp5O9Dyach51KH48Vlkq0
|
b7sorx
|
{
"description": "inviting his family to meet mine in another state",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for inviting his family to meet mine in another state?
|
I (25f) invited my fiancé’s (m28) family to come meet my family who live in another state. Fiancé and I have been together for 3+ years.
-We live with his family right now for financial benefits, and have for over a year.
-My family was going to come our way and meet everyone this year but due to a couple of circumstances they can’t now.
-SO doesn’t make an effort with my family and doesn’t like them. They’re a bit toxic, but still my family, even it I talk crap sometimes. I want them to get along.
-SO and I are planning to go visit my family in a couple of months now.
So... I invited his family, whom I live with, to come along with us, after my family invited them to come up. I was excited about this, and to have our families finally meet each other.
When I told SO I invited them, he became angry with me and said he doesn’t want them coming up and meeting him, and if he wanted them to meet my family HE would invite them. And he would never do that. He wants our families to pretty much stay separate, for no apparent reason. I suggest that if they didn’t live in separate states they would’ve already met a couple of times. And I don’t want their first time meeting to be at our wedding in a few (5ish) years.
I also think that because they were already planning to come down and meet them this year, and couldn’t, that I don’t really see the difference. His family was excited about this invitation.
He keeps saying it’s his family and it’s his decision whether or not they come out to meet my family.
AITA for inviting them without asking him first? I kind of knew he would say no, and for no good reason, so I invited them on my own accord. Family is important to me, and not to him. I want my family to know the people in my life.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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X2T4bQL3A6Ir5Lxatn6ipoWqPddPWZdY
|
9xx6og
|
{
"description": "being mad my boyfriend because he grabbed me by the pussy",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being mad my(25F) boyfriend(22M) because he grabbed me by the pussy (!!!again) ?
|
TL;DR at the bottom.
Sorry about the ramble. I'm quite annoyed and sad.
So, my(25F) boyfriend(22M) of 2+ years finds it funny to grab my tits or pussy randomly around the house (not in sexual way). I'll admit we're both kind of strange and do weird shit, but I really just hate being grabbed by the pussy (I don't really like him squeezing my tits either, but I hate it on the pussy more).
I feel like it's crossing an important boundary. I've told this to him numerous times (at least 15-20), at first nicely and progressing into a more adamant way. Sometimes though, I don't tell him, when I'm either too tired or I see that he's really depressed (he's got medium-high depression) and I don't want to make him more upset.
Well, this morning I had enough and I told him off quite meanly: I said that it repulsed me and it made me sick. After that, I went to class. When I came home I was ready to forget all about it but he was pissed. I prodded about it and he said to me that he just can't take me being both bitchy and also letting go on my appearance. He also said I should feel good about someone like him looking at me given the way I've given up and that I act like a middle aged mother (I've put on about 4 pounds since we started dating and not really wear heels anymore - it's got nothing to do with him, I just realized they're useless and uncomfortable. I do Pilates x3 a week. I look fine.). I was shocked. He's the most loving guy ever, always telling me how cute I am an how he doesn't care about how I dress as long as I'm with him. What the actual fuck?!
Did I go to far when I said that it repulsed me? It really does, but I don't want to be too mean, he's under a lot of stress and the depression doesn't help.
TL;DR: Boyfriend grabbed me by the pussy, I told him it repulsed me, he said I should be grateful he looks at me because I've let myself go. I am furious and confused as he's been the most loving guy ever. Should I not have said that, did I hurt him too much?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "not giving my bus seat up to an old man when there's a free one just behind me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
WIBTA if I didn't give my bus seat up to an old man when there's a free one just behind me?
|
I was sitting in the first row. My stop was the next one, the bus would be there in literally a minute.
This old man gets on and he instantly ask me if I could gave him my seat up. He was very polite, so I had no problem in doing this. When I stood up I saw a seat immediately behind me.
If I knew this before, WIBTA if I asked him to sit behind me instead of making me get up?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
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|
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|
{
"description": "being angry with my boyfriend after calling out alleged domestic abuse on a group ride home",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA For being angry with my boyfriend after calling out alleged domestic abuse on a group ride home?
|
For a little backstory on my boyfriend, Dean: he is not new or unaccustomed to confrontation like I am. He's had a very difficult childhood filled with abuse stemming from his sexual orientation. It's necessary to understand that I have found that he has an arrogant side as well: before a lot of arguments and discussions he likes to bring up his "pedigree": classically trained pianist with a degree in sociology etc etc etc. I won't go into too many details here about him here though. Just know he can be very very assertive and always speaks his mind.
So for the past week me and a college organization have been having a spring break in Washington DC. Everything has been going fairly okay except for some other little unrelated dramas. Mostly harmless if not a little obnoxious. The people on this trip include the two chaperones, 2 single people, and two couples. The two couples include me and my boyfriend and a girl and her boyfriend. We'll call them Khaled and Deb. I should also mention Deb and Dean have known each other for a long time, all of college really.
My boyfriend told me that the night before today Khaled and Deb had a bit of a problem with each other. He described it that he and Deb were talking, and then all of a sudden Khaled came into the room and started getting pissed at Deb. To sum it up he got in her face and asked what they were talking about and how she needed to come and talk to him. They apparently talked in the hallway outside for 3 hours.
So I noticed today that Deb had a little discoloration around her eye and brought it up to Dean, seeing it as potential abuse. I asked if I should talk to her about it while Khaled wasn't around and he said no, he would text her to keep it discreet. I agreed.
Fast forward to the ride home from DC and we stop at the gas station. Mind you there's 4 unrelated people driving with us. We come back from stretching our legs and buying things from the gas station and are in the process of loading things back into the van when Dean asks to see Deb's face and points out the discoloration. Khaled took it as an implication and passively threatens Dean. Dean gives it right back and says something like "You better not be putting your mother----ing hands on my friend." It gets a little heated from there but nothing happens but talking. Deb is trying to diffuse the situation. At this point I'm pissed.
Turns out the discoloration was from smeared makeup the night before, when the couple went clubbing. Khaled understands that as a friend to Deb, my boyfriend was only worried. However personally, he has lost all respect for my boyfriend. Deb hasn't really said anything that I could hear.
I just wanted to know, am I the asshole by getting angry with my boyfriend? I just feel like we talked about how to deal with the situation, but instead abandoned that to escalate the drama factor. Meanwhile everyone in the car had to hear this too! I just want to have an impartial view of the situation.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "giving my brutally honest opinion on my sister's situation",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
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|
AITA for giving my brutally honest opinion on my sister’s situation?
|
I have three sisters. I’m the only male. Sister 1 is who this concerns.
Sister one is 28. Has three kids and is married. I’ve always thought her husband is an idiot, but when she was pregnant with their first he stepped up. Got a factory job and supported them and made an ok life for them.
Sister 1 constantly “jokes” about leaving him. My other two sisters all encourage and go along with it. I keep out of it. The three of them all pay themselves on the back way too hard. It’s total undeserved narcissism.
Sister 1 had gotten big in the last 5 years. She doesn’t work. 3 kids. Yet they’re encouraging her to leave the father of her kids and the only financial support they have.
Today we were all at my mother’s house. They were doing their typical patting each other on the back and sister 1 mentions a trucker she’s been texting with. She’s not “joking” anymore. She’s seriously considering meeting up with him. This dude is probably just looking for easy sex when he passes through town.
Sister 1 asks me what I think about it. She knows I’ve never been fond of her husband. I straight out told her that the type of guy who is going to want a RELATIONSHIP with an unemployed big girl with 3 kids who’s pushing 30 isn’t going to be better than what you already have. Don’t fuck up your marriage.
Wasn’t exactly the circle jerk she was expecting and I got chewed out by all 3 of them. I feel like it needed to be said though. The 3 of them only tell each other pretty little lies and don’t understand how brutal the dating world is for a single mom. I really don’t want to see my sister as one of those women in her 40s on tinder with a profile that reads ready to settle down now sadface.
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HISTORICAL
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ackz5j
|
{
"description": "getting sad on the anniversary of finding a tumor",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting sad on the anniversary of finding a tumor
|
5 years ago on Christmas Eve I found a large tumor in my neck that had suddenly appeared. It ended up being a very minor cancer but still had a major impact on my life in a lot of ways. Ever since, I sometimes feel a bit down on Christmas Eve when I’m reminded of it. My gf got mad because it’s 5 years later and I should move on. But it’s hard not to think about it
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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| null |
AITA when people offer me $100 for something I have posted online for $350+ and I immediately ask “when can you come?” and then stop responding?
|
It’s been posted for 5 days and you think nobody’s offered me $100 yet? Come on. I never actually send the address as I don’t want to waste peoples time but I definitely get a kick out of it when they tell me they can come now and keep sending me messages and question marks when I read their messages and don’t respond. AITA or is letting these lowballers get hyped up for a little while what they deserve every now and then?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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{
"description": "refusing to drive my brother and his girlfriend to and from a party",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If I refused to drive my brother and his girlfriend to and from a party?
|
So my 17yo brother got his P1 drivers license 4 days ago. (I'm not sure how it works in other countries so I apologize, additionally I live in Australia NSW). Despite this he wants me to drive him (I'm 19 and on my P2's). The reason for this is so he and his gf can get drunk.
Now my problems with this are:
1. I'm not responsible for my siblings, my parents are, so if anyone should drive them, its my parents.
2. The legal drinking age is 18. Again, my brother is 17. Additionally, I don't drink and don't plan to. I have no problem with it I just don't see the point. What I DO have a problem with is underage drinking.
3. He just got his license and for the past 2 years I've been driving him and his gf around without any pay or compensation, and now that he's got his license he's not even going to bother with it.
Knowing this, would I be the asshole if I refused?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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{
"description": "dwelling on the fact that my former roommate kept some of my dishware without asking",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for dwelling on the fact that my former roommate kept some of my dishware without asking?
|
Last year I lived with some of my closest friends and it honestly went really well. We had no issues about using each others things amicably and got along great. I moved out for reasons unrelated to our relationships as roommates and now live a few streets away (college housing). They're still my best friends and we hang out constantly.
During the fall semester last year, one of my professors gave me an old set of China because she was moving and didn't need / want it anymore. Just a bunch of bowls and plates that I thought were cute and my roommates and I all used.
When I moved out, I had packed up everything intended on taking the China set/ took all of the bowls and plates of the set that I could find in the kitchen where they were kept. I never took count or anything so I just assumed none were hidden away and I had gotten them all.
Fast forward to a month or two ago and I'm visiting my friends at my old house which they still live in. I go to grab a bowl and I find a few bowls / plates of the China set. (Which means someone had moved a few of them out of the kitchen during the time I was moving out.. may or may not have been intentional?) I commented, saying I hadn't realized anyone had kept some of the China without telling me and I was basically just met with "yep!"
This honestly really bothered me. I probably would have been willing to share them considering they were free and its just dishware, but it seems so presumptuous to just keep them without asking?
I decided to just let it go and not make it an issue because I really felt like I was being an asshole needlessly. It really felt like a stupid thing to be upset about.
However, any time I randomly remember this issue, I'm genuinely annoyed and bothered that some of my things were kept without asking.
I think itd be unfair/ needlessly confrontational to bring it back up, especially since I didn't really say anything when I first realized, yet I'm still bothered. It's been months and I don't think about it often, probably less than a handful of times, but it really is annoying me.
Am I an asshole for fixating on dishes like this? Would I be an asshole for trying to talk to them about it? Help.
|
HISTORICAL
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| null |
AITA - my original plans for New Year's fell through and then I texted another group of people to see if I could chill with them. later on, somebody from the original group said that him and a couple of other people are going out anyways and I cancelled on the second group and him going with the 1st
|
my original plans for New Year's with my original group of friends initially fell through. Everybody was either sick or going elsewhere. my girlfriend is very close with her best friend and her best friends family but my girlfriend is out of state for new years. I asked her if she would think if it was weird if I text her best friend and ask her to hang out with her and her family and my girlfriend encouraged me. I texted the best friend and asked if I could hang out with her and her family tonight and she said yes.
Literally right after I sent that text, the guy from the original group calls me and says that he is going out with a couple of his buddies and wants me to come with them so I said yes and texted the best friend and told her the situation.
I do feel like an asshole and I wonder if they think that I only see them as a last resort.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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8JWIwAS8jLqpZE9ByQdOAc6AduBmR9DQ
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b6s14q
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{
"description": "writing an opinion piece in the school newspaper defending eugenics",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 20
}
|
AITA for writing an opinion piece in the school newspaper defending eugenics?
|
I'm a writer for my school's newspaper, and there is a section called 'controversial opinions' (like r/unpopularopinion). And I know this isn't a political sub, and I'm not trying to start a debate on eugenics, just wondering if I'm an asshole for having the opinion I do.
So I wrote in support of eugenics. My article basically covered this:
- One: The 'Hitler liked eugenics' thing- I pointed out this was just Godwin's law essentially, that 'the Nazi's did it' isn't a valid argument, and that they actually misinterpreted the core concept of eugenics.
- Two: Covered the 'slippery slope argument' of 'if we do eugenics, it's bound to get out of control' as essentially an appeal to consequence
- Three: Went into the provable benefits of eugenics including lowered disease, and why it would immoral for those with deliberating genetic diseases to reproduce.
I expected it to be unpopular, but it ended up that people actually called me 1) a racist 2) s fascist (even though I explained the difference between ethnic cleansing and eugenics). I didn't expect this, well, visceral reaction, to you know, an opinion piece.
So, that makes me wonder, aita? Is it my fault?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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{
"description": "expecting my spouse to take care of their chores and getting frustrated when they don't",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for expecting my spouse to take care of their chores and getting frustrated when they don't?
|
My spouse and I have an ongoing disagreement about how the household chores are split. We both work full time. I commute 2.5 hours each day with a regular 8 hr workday and assuming I don't run any errands, am usually home by 5:20pm (out the door before 7am). Spouse works remotely (home office), but workdays are irregular and can often last until 8 or 9pm.
Given the work schedules, spouse's household responsibilities consist primarily of taking out the trash and recycling, removing dishes from the table, loading the dishwasher, sorting their laundry, and picking up after themself. These total about 1 hr/week.
I take care of everything else. Meal planning, grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning up after I cook, vacuuming, changing sheets/towels, and my own straightening/laundry sorting. I also take care of the smaller things - refilling soap/sugar etc, purchasing household items. This totals somewhere between 5.5 and 7 hrs/week, sometimes more.
I get frustrated because, even working from home and with chores that take less time, spouse often doesn't get their chores done, and I have to handwash items to have a utensil or plate for my meal or the recycling will build up in the collection area. Spouse in turn gets frustrated because they think that since I work less and have time in the evenings to work out or relax, I should be doing some of their chores. I feel like we both live here and as members of a household, we both have responsibilities to maintain and fulfill, and while I'm fine helping out those weeks where things are particularly busy, it shouldn't be every week.
So AITA for expecting my spouse to take care of their chores and getting frustrated when they don't?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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ayvmw6
|
{
"description": "potentially failing my classmates",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for potentially failing my classmates?
|
I’m currently taking a lower level class at my university which meets twice a week for a lecture and once a week for a smaller discussion based class. During the lecture we have online simulations or questions assigned as a different way to take attendance and counts as participation. During the discussion we complete a fairly easy worksheet and turn it in with out names on it for attendance and participation.
There was a GroupMe created at the beginning of the year and it was used for asking general questions regarding the class. Recently people have started asking to be notified of when the in class simulations are active so they can complete them from home instead of coming to class. Originally I didn’t find this to be a big issue since it was only occasionally happening, but as of this week people have been offering to pay people to write their names down for discussion and the number of people asking has grown increasingly. It’s started to bother me since those who don’t put in the effort to show up to class are receiving the same points as those who willing to actually participate.
WIBTA for notifying the professor and potentially leading these classmates to receiving sanctions for academic dishonesty?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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{
"description": "snitching on my friend to her mom, because she mentioned to me in explicit detail that she sleeps around a lot",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 115
}
|
AITA for snitching on my friend (15f) to her mom, because she mentioned to me in explicit detail that she sleeps around a lot?
|
so there was this girl i met in one of my classes that i started talking to, as we had a lot in common, like liking the same shows, movies, hobbies, music, and what not. so as we kept talking, she told me about her previous relationships, and how she LOVES having sex, without being in a relationship, and for about a month or so i kept quiet. so we kept talking to each other, and while we mainly just talked about random nonsense, she kept going on and on about her previous relationships, and how she just broke up with her FWB, and she's now trying to get with her BFF, whos a guy. At first i honestly didn't care about her sleeping around, but i eventually tried to see it through the perspective of her mother, and I decided that I'd want to know if i were in her mums position. so when i saw her mum again ( who is also one of my teachers ) i told her in explicit detail about what her daughter has been doing, and how she lost her virginity at the age of 13. at first, her mum thought that her daughter was making up what she told me, but later started to believe me. as you can expect my ( now former) friend reacted really poorly to that, and now refuses to talk to me now. if it matters, I'm a 15 year old dude
​
so. am i the asshole for snitching on my friend for sleeping around?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
3UyQSrYy23i4YkTzHwwmIaZb9kQN3N54
|
awg9ew
|
{
"description": "not wanting to share the last bit of my birthday cake with my brother",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to share the last bit of my birthday cake with my brother?
|
I know this sounds trivial and stupid but just hear me out. (It is trivial and stupid)
A bit of context: I love birthday cake. Like, LOVE birthday cake. Ever since I was three, it’s all I want, every birthday. I don’t care about parties or presents or any of it, but it’s not my birthday if I don’t have cake. This is so widely known, it’s kind of a family joke. Usually my mom makes me a cake (I love her cakes so much) but there have been a couple of years she ordered one (Hannah Montana themed when I was 10, for example).
Well this year, for my 20th, my mom decided to go all out. She took all the money she usually spends on presents/dinners/parties/etc and ordered this INSANELY AMAZING two tier (five layers per tier) Kingdom Hearts themed cake. It was MASSIVE and DELICIOUS and BEAUTIFUL and EXPENSIVE. I loved it so, so much.
On my actual birthday, my family (mom, dad, brother) and I took care of the top tier. The next day, I met up with some friends and family and we brought the cake to share with everyone. Now, the bottom tier was somehow taller than the top and there was a piece of cardboard halfway down, making it easier to serve. When we went home, we still had most of the bottom half.
The next day, we had more cake. And then again the next day. (I know this seems like a lot of cake eating but it’s a pretty rare occasion in my family and I can’t explain to you how good this cake was.) So by now, there’s less than about 1/4 of the bottom half of the bottom tier left.
(I just wanna throw it out there, my brother absolutely LOVES working out and he’s kind of a muscular dude because of it. I’m not really into it but I keep myself healthy. Sure I could lose a few pounds, but I’m by no means obese.)
My brother’s number one weakness is sweets. He loves fudge and cheesecake and Oreos. He’s a teenage boy that’s kind of a huge foodie and has a reputation for eating everyone’s snacks and leftovers in the house. It’s really more of a silly quirk that you roll your eyes about than an annoyance.
As I’m sure you’ve already guessed, he’s been eating a lot of this cake. Like, three slices a day, while I’ve had one. So now, with less than 1/4 of the cake left, I asked him, as nicely as I could, if he could not eat any of the rest of it.
He completely exploded on me. Calling me selfish and rude and greedy and a lot of other things. At one point, even made a comment to the effect of, did I “really need the rest of it” and a couple of other things hinting at my weight.
Now, I have no problem sharing but this cake is very much my birthday present and I’d like to enjoy the rest of it. I didn’t want to get in an argument, so instead of poking the bear, I just went straight to my mom and asked if I could have the rest of it to myself. She responded with something like, “enjoy that diabetic coma.” And after a minute, “don’t be a jerk, share it with your brother.”
I genuinely want to know if I’m being a selfish a-hole here.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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o71t2X95jA3GnEcEgSYfgJZjPexEC7qi
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awy5c2
| null |
AITA - Attempted to cheer up my girlfriend by telling her I was breaking up with her
|
My (25 M) girlfriend (21F) has been upset recently (I've listed the reasons below) and I thought it would be a good idea to put her problems into perspective by saying I'd break up with her (showing how relatively insignificant they are by comparison to a "serious" issue). She called me an idiot for about half an hour and cried a little as we cuddled. I genuinely thought it would help! AITA?
Context:
She's moved to the UK from the Czech Republic to study this September and has been stressed about her new job, Brexit, funding, leaving her dog etc.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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WRONG
|
Ge5tdnclIm69Dwycw3ddPMU0rMdt31M1
|
b3hvgo
|
{
"description": "arguing with the employee and getting the manager involved",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for arguing with the employee and getting the manager involved?
|
I had travelled to and was staying in a hotel in the United States with 5 of my coworkers. We had driven from Canada hence had our own cars. The reason was we had to be at our clients office for a month, hence we arrived on Monday Morning and left Friday evening. Note that our company covers our accommodations.
We work longer hours due to tight deadlines, and hence are never out by 5. The hotel we stay at shares a parking lot that they own with other local businesses, but parking is free for hotel guests till 5PM on their checkout date.
Since we usually leave around earliest 7PM on a Friday, we have an issue with parking, as our passes expire at 5. Note that this is a very crowded city and parking is minimal in other places. Every year (this is my 4th year on this client), the hotel has never given us trouble and has always gladly extended our parking.
Last week, on the Friday, our last week there (we had stayed there M-F for 3 weeks and this was our 4th), the front desk employee told my coworkers before I had gotten down to the lobby that he couldn’t extend parking. They told me when I got there (it was their first year on the client, where as it was my 4th), and I told them this has never happened. Therefore, I went to speak to the front desk employee.
I told him that we were giving his business over 25K in business (granted our company is paying for it) over the 4 weeks we stayed, so extending our parking for 2 hours shouldn’t be a big deal. He snarkily responded that to use a service, you have to pay for it, and my coworkers understood that concept, implying that I didn’t understand how it worked. This infuriated me, so I asked him if he understood how hospitality worked? He said he did, and I asked to speak to the manager.
The manager came over, was shocked to hear what happened, and gave us our extra hours of parking. I assume she reprimanded the employee for how he behaved as I mentioned to her what he had said. Looking back now, I feel bad, as that is the first time I’ve ever had to talk to a manager, and I didn’t want to get that guy in trouble. Also, we could have just expensed the extra parking costs to our company, but to me, it was the principle of hospitality, if we are paying 25K, 2 extra hours of parking shouldn’t be a big deal.
AITA for potentially feeling entitled for parking and calling the manager?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
lV0aOK5fVh04Kqk7o2GRP3biZyrQgiDD
|
aeg8xj
|
{
"description": "telling him not to say he loves me anymore",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for telling him(22M) not to say he loves me anymore?
|
Okay back story. About 4 years ago, I (21F) met the man (22M) of my dreams or so i thought. We talked for a solid 7 or 8 months and parted ways and then reconnected for a month or two later a couple of years ago but nothing ever came of it, obviously.
8 months ago we both got out of long term relationships and almost immediately reconnected. We got along great and loved each other’s company through FaceTimes and phone calls (he lives on the other side of the country for the time being) and so about 4 months ago, he asked me to come visit. I paid $800 and decided to go, with it being either closure and never talking to him again or knowing for sure that he was someone I wanted to Pursue.
The weekend overall was weird and I came back home and thought I wouldn’t hear from him again, but surprisingly I did. We’ve maintained contact but it’s always been similar to friends but also more. Exchanging risqué snapchats, but then he’d tell me about a girl he hooked up with and my feelings would get hurt. He’d see snapchats of me with guys (even if they were just friends) and he’d tell me that he hates them and that I’m HIS girl.
He’d make jokes about us getting married but then remind me that he, AND THIS IS THE BIG PART, DOESNT WANT A GIRLFRIEND UNTIL HE MOVES BACK HOME AND IT CANT BE A LONG DISTANCE GIRLFRIEND.
Since I don’t live near him now nor will I in the future, it automatically rules me out. Since he told me that, it’s been really hard to keep going on these long FaceTimes and talking to him and hearing him tell me he loves me and know that it isn’t going to go anywhere.
Would I be the asshole if I told him to stop saying he loves me and acting like there’s a future between us?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a6164o
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{
"description": "speaking my mind",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for speaking my mind
|
Relevant backstory:
I am female and I have two younger brothers. Growing up we were kind of poor and our parents also got divorced when we were under 10 years old. Our family life was horrible and everyone hated each other.
Fast forward to our teens, my brothers started bullying and beating me. It really took a toll on me, but nobody in our family listened to me,especially our dad, who told me quit bitching, I am the oldest so I need to figure it out. He also always said that if I didnt annoy them they wouldnt beat me.
Im now in my mid-twenties and even though it was kind of rough for me, Ive managed to build a decent life for myself. I still try to be nice towards my family,though Im too scared to be in touch too much, because I dont think theyre too nice people and they make me feel bad emotionally.
So HERE IS THE ACTUAL STORY;
Yesterday I was chatting with my dad through facebook, because our dog had died. I tried to be nice to him even though I kind of hate him. So i talked to him normally, even got sidetracked and stuff. Anyway, in the end he then said, that he should go and pick up my little brother who lives alone now
(he moved out at 22 and when we were young they shouted and beat me asking me to move the fuck out since I was 17, i moved out at 19. It was horrible moving out, since I was so scared theyd know where I live. I tried to move as stealthily as i could, but in the end my dad forced himself to get to help me getting my stuff toghe new house, and even though i several times told him not to take my brothers to my house, he fucking took them to my house. Nothing ever happened though, those two psychos never bothered me while i lived there. Oh and they once threatened to rape me when i still lived at 'home')
BACK TO THE STORY
...so my dad says to me my little brother has always been the most sensitive one of us his kids, so he is going to go and pick him up so they can talk. This comment was so goddamn autistic and rude, I thought, and I just replied with what I thought; "What?! Hes not the most sensitive, hes the most spoiled since hes the youngest". And then I just said "but yeah go ahead, talk away".
Id like to add, that I never got to talk about my problems with my dad. I get emotional and other kinds of support from friends and their parents. But not my own parents.
Tl;dr: My dad said my abusive little brother needs his time more than I do, since my little brother has always been the most sensitive one.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
z3meEw9BBvKdEoI8ZByKOtOZ0MEcO3pD
|
as02z3
| null |
AITA Accidentally misgendered a coffee shop drive-thru cashier
|
First time posting so if I'm doing something wrong, let me know and I'll fix it. A bit of history to give context: 1. I'm a 19yo F moderate, living in the PNW in an extremely liberal town 2. My father is an Alabama native who was extremely intense about me being respectful to everyone, especially people in a service profession 3. Regardless of my personal beliefs about the transgender movement, I never want to make someone uncomfortable and, in a conversation, tend to use preferred pronouns/name.
On with the story: I get coffee a lot. Like a LOT. And a local coffee shop in my town has a transgender woman who typically works the drive-thru window. We've spoken multiple times and are on good terms. Everything is good. However, a few days ago, I was really scattered after work and completely forgot they might be working the drive thru. They have a really masculine voice and don't try to make it higher or anything, so when I ordered, I figured it was a cis man. All good, they took my order and at the end I said, "That's it, thank you, sir!" I usually say "man", "dude", or just nothing at all when I know it's this person working the drive-thru, but this time I just wasn't thinking about it. When I got to the window, I immediately felt kinda bad, but didn't want to point it out in fear of literally being yelled at (it's happened before with other transgender people, multiple times), and I heard them say to a coworker that they were mad about it. I got my drink and everything was fine, but they wouldn't look me in the eye and held the cup and took the cash from my hand in SUCH an awkward way, just to avoid the potential of brushing hands with me in passing it to me. This hit me hard (ridiculous, I know) because I was raised that making contact when exchanging money or goods is a sign of good faith, trust, and respect. I usually don't care because a lot of people don't think that way, but especially right after I accidentally hurt them and they usually don't do that, it sucked. It's probably ridiculous to turn to the interwebs for confirmation, but against my better judgment, I feel like an absolute dick about it. AITA?
TLDR: went to my regular coffee shop and misgendered the drive-thru worker I've spoken with multiple times, then they wouldn't look at me or talk to me at all. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
I12lkOGzkYNuDojxw7sZpJ6ZnP0Lb0WN
|
a5i14c
|
{
"description": "not inviting a friend's abusive girlfriend to group activities",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for not inviting a friend's abusive girlfriend to group activities?
|
For context, they broke up a week ago, he crashed on our (me and my bf) couch for a few nights since we have the space. She has GPS on his phone, picks fights in public, hits and punches him on the face, drinks way too much, and puts too much info on social media.
He went to get his stuff after telling us he was happy to be free and then pulled a complete 180 degree turn. He texted us and said they were going to work on their relationship after she assaulted him in their house just a couple minutes prior.
Our friend group (ages 25-28) do not want her (21 F) around at any events moving forward. Are we being assholes?
TL;DR: we thought a friend got away from his horribly abusive ex, but he went running back to her. Now we don't want to see her again but still want to be friends with him. Are we assholes?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
fSA5UwtQxaltHFgS6k52OxPm2gpAudzs
|
b64lx7
|
{
"description": "canceling these plans",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for canceling these plans?
|
A friend of mine has been needing help packing up her old house, and has been feeling overwhelmed about it. This friend has been in my life a long time, we were once very close but have drifted apart a lot mostly since she became a mother (a little over 2 years ago). I have spent most of the time we’ve drifted apart trying to stay in her life. I regularly invite her to things, try to make plans, or otherwise check in on her. She rarely reciprocates.
Over the weekend, on Saturday, I had planned to go help her out at 12:30. She was an hour and a half late, apparently simply because she couldn’t get herself together. She has a habit of not respecting my time as I do not have any children, and this isn’t the first time I’ve been left hanging for that long. I still went to help, but only stayed until the time I said I would in the first place because I had other plans for the evening. She seemed annoyed I wouldn’t stay later even though she had left me waiting an hour and a half.
I offered to help her again today as I have an early day at work on Wednesdays, and she accepted that offer. Last night I texted her to confirm that she still needed my help, hoping to figure out a solid time so I could plan the rest of my day around it. She did not respond to me (and I know she had not gone to bed or anything)
I am frustrated with her not respecting my time when I’ve offered to do her a favor. So when she finally got back to me this morning saying that she did still need my help, and asking me to pick up boxes for her, I told her I had made other plans for my day when I hadn’t heard back from her. (I should mention that I work full time and she isn’t currently working and has also had 4 months to pack her old house up and before Saturday she hadn’t even started)
She responded with both that she was driving when I texted and that her phone died, but I haven’t answered her on that because it feels like just a lot of excuses. I was offering to do her a favor that I did not have to offer to do, and I just wanted to solidify those plans with her and she couldn’t prioritize responding to me.
Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
y69b6qXpGOmnD9TPxvSOsF8EUeDA9IG5
|
b5jthv
|
{
"description": "telling someone I don't want to be friends anymore",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling someone I don't want to be friends anymore? (long)
|
I'd known this girl for about two years and I swore she was my absolute best friend (let's call her Leah). We would hang out every time we had the chance. After a little while, she introduced me to another friend of hers, who I got along with pretty all right, and I thought I ought to invite said person (we'll call him Ed) to hang out with Leah and I on the weekends.
So, I invite Ed and Leah over on the weekends, always making sure to ask a week ahead so they would have time to check with their parents, and they always promised to ask their parents. I ask them both the first weekend we were planning to hang out.
Ed told me that he couldn't go because his mother said it was too short notice. I brush it off because I have crazy parents and I understand. I text Leah that Ed wasn't going to be able to make it, but she and I could still hang out.
Leah declined the offer. I understood. We reschedule for the next weekend.
I ask them Friday afternoon if we're still good to hang out the next day. Again, Ed says it's too short notice, and I ask when would be a good time for him to hang out. He said anytime, just not this weekend. I understood and again told Leah that Ed wouldn't be able to make it. Again, she decided it would just be better to reschedule again, as it would be less fun without Ed.
So we reschedule again. They both cancel again.
We get to the weekend, I ask Ed if he's still good, and he actually says yes. I immediately text Leah to see if she's still good to hang out. She canceled to go to a concert, and I broke down and cry.
I left Leah and Ed alone for a week just to let myself calm down and give them some time in case they wanted space. They both mentioned to me that they wanted to hang out sometime.
When they canceled again, I snap. Ed told me it was too last minute, Leah didn't want to hang out without him there, and I told them both that I was getting fed up.
I very explicitly told them that I didn't want to continue being friends with them if they would keep canceling on me last minute because they kept asking their parents too late, to either get their act together or don't talk to me again.
Leah texted me back saying that what I had told her was abusive and manipulative (her actual words), and that I couldn't just cut off our relationship. I told her that for the past five times, she and Ed had canceled on me last minute and that I wasn't going to have that, that a genuine friendship requires effort. She then brought up that we had known each other for two years now, and to break off our friendship over this was stupid. Leah brought up all of the things we had done together (gone to the movies, gotten food, etc) and I snapped at her saying that I had paid for all of those times we had hung out, and that she was manipulative for trying to keep me in a friendship I didn't want to be in.
Was I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
J0kaTTFMmBNSirROyVeNJVTQVDxhj8sG
|
9uxiuc
|
{
"description": "doxxing someone",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for doxxing someone?
|
A little long, tldr at bottom.
A little over a month ago, I lose my Xbox account.
The reason why? I kicked someone from a party because he was verbally abusive. He was screaming obscenities and calling my friend extremely rude names. Mainly racial, and anti-gay slurs, as well as autistic.
I lost my account, and thousands of dollars worth of games and packs because he was angry.
Because he made me lose all that, I put his phone number, Xbox name, and social media accounts on many sites so he would feel some pain.
Tldr: lost Xbox account and thousands of dollars, put their phone and social media on some websites.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
956ZtmiiiOtm3aAOXkqf0qJLrQjGJNRN
|
amvb88
|
{
"description": "studying illustration while living with my BF of 3 years",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For Studying Illustration while Living with my BF of 3 Years?
|
I'll try to keep this short!
My boyfriend (24M) and I (24F) are both students and have been living together for 3 years. He has a technical degree in architecture. I have a degree in Child Studies.
Last year he decided to go back to school to pursue Sciences (chem, bio, math etc). I worked for the government for 2 years still trying to decide if I wanted to go into Uni.
I finally decided (with his encouragement) that I'd like to go back to school to get a technical degree in illustration. I am decent at visual arts (always room to improve) and it's something that I really love.
My concern is the future job opportunities with this career. It's likely that my BF will have a stable and decent income. I'm sure I'll be financially okay (since I can keep working for the gov) but it won't be stable or nearly as much as he'll make.
I'm worried that he might resent me for choosing an unreliable career path that could lead to future financial struggles.
Should I not start this 3 year program and pursue a more realistic goal? I was a pencil pusher full time for 2 years and it's good money but soul sucking..
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
kzMQzwPm99G2MAIZtsebBs5SUAKQrCCS
|
apfrva
|
{
"description": "being mad my boyfriend said he would come inside in \"a little bit\" but didn't show up until 4 hours later",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for being mad my boyfriend said he would come inside in “a little bit” but didn’t show up until 4 hours later?
|
Buckle up folks, this is a long one.
Okay so some backstory. The entire time we’ve been together he has “struggled” with time management. I put it in quotation marks because I really find it to be a weak excuse for his lack of communication rather than actual lack of time management skills. You have a phone that you’re on a fair amount, you know what time it is etc.
Fast forward to this weekend. Last night some of his friends come over to supposedly drop off a trailer to store (he has quite a bit of space for this at his house) and hang out for a bit which he lead me to believe to be a couple hours. They came over around 8:30/9pm. I had gone inside because I wasn’t feeling social and my boyfriend had said he would be inside once they left “in a bit” so we could shower together (honestly my favorite part of the day which he knows). Fast forward to 3:30am. I’m asleep in bed when he comes in. He proceeds to tell me about how his friend started tinkering with his car but then broke it accidentally and they had spent the last several hours trying to fix it. I just agreed the friend was a dumbass for doing that and rolled back over. He then started pestering me for kisses. Which is when I smelled that his breath reeked of beer and cigarettes. I have asked him in the past not to smoke because he used to smoke a pack a day and I don’t want him to go back to that, not to mention the smell literally makes me want to throw up. He ignored me. So I have gotten angry with him in the past for doing it after I had asked him not to and even jokingly given him a hard time about doing it trying a different form of communication. We had another argument a while back about it where I finally was calm enough to get my point across and he had actually stopped smoking when his friends are around. At this point I didn’t give him too much of a hard time about it other than saying I didn’t want to kiss him because he smelled like cigarettes. He went and brushed his teeth/washed his beard and it was fine.
So tonight the same friends and also their girlfriends come over around 6:30pm. We are all hanging out in the shop where they are working on the car until about 11:30pm when the first friend and his girlfriend leave. I was getting pretty tired at this point so I said my goodbyes and my boyfriend said again he would be inside to hang out and shower “in a little bit”.
I had been awake for an hour after I came inside and then woke up several times looking for him realizing he wasn’t inside. I checked my phone every time looking for an update on what was going on and what was taking so long because to my knowledge the car was pretty much done at 11:30pm when I went inside. He came in at 3:30am and asked me if I wanted anything to eat and to tell me that his friend would be staying over.
Here’s where the problem starts. I have an issue with this friend because he has a history of hitting on his friends’ girlfriends and just generally being creepy. Not the kind of guy I’m super comfortable with staying over. The next part of the problem? It’s 3:30am! I didn’t realize this until after he left the room to go make himself and his friend some food. Then he doesn’t come back until 4:30am. So now it’s clear we can’t shower for the second day in a row like we planned and I’ve been stewing for the last hour that he came in at 3:30am when the car was supposedly mostly done at 11:30pm AND THEN spends another hour away because I “was asleep” (was awake enough to know he had been smoking AGAIN and make a comment about how he smelled like smoke).
So now I’m angry for multiple reasons. Like I said, he comes back in at 4:30am and tries to pester me for kisses again. Normally this doesn’t bother me too much but the smoke and complete disrespect for communication and my time is too much for me at this point.
I’m very short with him. He asks me why I’m upset and I say “Umm because it’s fucking 4:30am and you smell like cigarettes”. And he immediately gets defensive saying I “know how he is with time” and that I’m upset because he “didn’t come in when I wanted him to”, I don’t have a right to tell him not to smoke (maybe, I guess) and that I don’t want him to hang out with his friends (which is honestly not what I’m asking for. I’m just asking for some communication and therefore respect for me and my time). He also said he couldn’t handle me being aggressive with him but has also said in the past that sometimes people get angry and that we need to learn to deal with it when we have done something to hurt the other person (which as I see it has happened here). He also had me look up what “in a bit” means on google and argued that it had no relevance to time and therefore I shouldn’t hold it against him (to which I’m like why use it at all).
He told me I was being ridiculous and that he couldn’t handle the amount of aggression (anger) I had because it was way out of proportion to the problem. Which in turn just made me more angry because he made no effort to understand my point of view and instead tried to accuse me of trying to control him.
I said “why couldn’t you have texted me?” And he says “why couldn’t you have texted me asking what was going on?!” And I said “Am I your baby sitter??” And he says “Am I yours?!” Which to me makes no sense because he’s the one who didn’t come in and my not texting him was in an effort to not be controlling so wtf??
So anyway.
TLDR; Am I the asshole for being angry about my boyfriend’s not coming in until 4 hours after he said “in a little bit” and then arguing that I’m “trying to control his life” after I voiced was angry about it?
Typing this at 6:30am because I’m so upset I can’t sleep at this point. Sorry for any grammatical or formatting errors.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
jdgBytW6YxFtxTXwzpT7vC5lQceKhwf7
|
acoz1u
|
{
"description": "not being able to handle my boyfriends 15 year old sons attitude",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not being able to handle my boyfriends 15 year old sons attitude?
|
I was a dickhead when I was 15- but I’m also now an adult who is new to this whole parenthood thing. Im not sure how to communicate with the kid and we’re cool usually unless he doesn’t like something. It’s stressful and annoying and I dunno how best to communicate with a 15 year old when I’m only a year into this.
Any advice?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b64ge9
|
{
"description": "being mad at my friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For being mad at my friend?
|
So me (M) and my close gamer friends have a SnapChat group were we all talk throughout the day about whatever is going on. We say good morning about every morning whenever we wake up and I usually send a picture of either me or my desk, with the text "Good morning". Since this is the first thing I do in my morning I only have underwear on.
Today I sent a normal pic of me with my bare chest and some of my face. I think nothing of it until one of my other close friends (F) message me telling me I shouldn't send nudes because there is a girl in the group. This other friend (F) isn't apart of the group and must have seen the picture on one of her classmates phones, who is in the group.
I got frustrated that she is telling me what to do in a group that she isn't apart of, and since there was nothing sexual about the picture I don't see the issue.
Reddit, am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
gfASjlKOlG7c4ZSVkxPjiJ4aYLf5XB5Z
|
b3oux5
|
{
"description": "hating my co worker",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For hating my co worker?
|
For some context, I am 19 M and I’m currently 1 year into an apprenticeship in engineering. The company I work for is family run, aside from the family I have two co workers. One isn’t here often as he does deliveries, but the other works with me in the workshop. Both co workers are 60+ M, and he is constantly busting my balls. I’m pretty sure he had OCD or autism, some kind of mental problem and it makes him very irritating to work with. Everything has to be done his way, otherwise he moans or gets pissy.
I understand that he’s set in his ways, but it’s the LITTLE things that he moans about that really gets to me. If I leave the wheely bin slightly off from where it usually is, he moves it and moans. A job I was doing this morning, I had put the job I was working on at my workbench, a couple of steps from the welder which sits on the edge of the workbench. He comes over and says “What I don’t understand craig, is why you leave the work further from the welder, make life easier for yourself craig!” While he sassily puts my work beside the welder for me.
It’s the constant nagging about little things on a daily basis like this that is really starting to wear me out and I’m sick of it. He’s always watching me Incase I make a mistake which he has to correct me on, when it’s important I’m greatful for the help, but the little things is just annoying.
But when he makes a mistake I don’t act the same I just let it brush off, I’ve noticed he deflects his mistakes by having a go at himself out loud, which I find really strange.
This is all a bit rushed because I’m just fuming and writing down what comes to my head, if you want to ask anything else please do. I’m can’t decide wether im letting it get to me too much or he is wrong. Thanks for taking the time to read.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
TbR68ax8nQ2oxDr5znC3UWbhP9KMduPA
|
a1s38x
|
{
"description": "not wanting to help my father at work",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not wanting to help my father at work?
|
Excuse my English, I'm Italian. Everything started when my parents decided to make me drop off school when I was 16.
They claimed I were too dumb for that school and that I had to find a job or they would have thrown me out as soon as they would have legally able to.
My parents, being Scientologist, offered me to become a staff member of the church as an option.
Well, now I'm 19, I convinced my parents to let me continue school while working as a staff member during the evening.
Now my father claim that I have to help him.
He own a 30 Employees Business and he want me to use the morning to distribute flyers to promote his business.
He got mad when I tried to refuse saying I needed that time to study and that he should pay someone to do it.
Have I been disrespectful and ungrateful?
Sorry for the mistakes, I didn't studied enough English lol
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
HRFRoicQ3P6HdrYMAqvds5InxbHEJVGU
|
asd7kp
|
{
"description": "blocking a good friend of 10 years over social media posts",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for blocking a good friend of 10 years over social media posts?
|
Long story short, I had a good friendship that took a nosedive after high school. About two years ago my parents sat me down to tell me they don't think she's really my friend and not to trust her around my bf. They pointed out a bunch of situations that occurred over the years where she treated me poorly but I made excuses for her because she was my best friend. Right before Christmas, I noticed that she was making a whole bunch of subliminal posts about me. I knew they were about me because they would always correlate to whatever it was that I have posted.she never came to me to tell me why she was upset but her and the other people she recruited to help her in these posts I said some really hurtful things so I ended up blocking her on all social media and on the phone. Sometimes I feel bad throwing away over a decade of friendship without a conversation first but after the conversation I had with my family and the posts I think I did the right thing. So, AITA here? Did I owe her a break up talk?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
wtoSxpxdg0Dp3hESyUBANQSZsiBW9P5N
|
aoefju
|
{
"description": "wanting to end this long time friendship",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting to end this long time friendship?
|
I’ve been friends with this guy for 11 years now. We are well into our 20s and he still doesn’t have his shit together. Has never had a job, has no license, never taken a college class. This guy basically hasn’t done shit since high school and still mooches off his friends and family and plays video game and watches tv all day. I’ve kept this friendship because he genuinely does have good qualities and potential and I’d like to see him succeed one day but it’s becoming too much especially recently because he has started acting like he’s too good to hang out with me or he’s too busy. He will literally cancel on me last minute and I’ll find out later he was just at home playing video games or he decided to hang out with someone else. It’s really insulting after all the time I’ve spent trying to help him and all the money I’ve spent on him because he’s always broke but I don’t want him to be left out when we all decide we wanna go do something fun over the weekend or go have dinner as a friend group. I don’t have any hard feelings really but the friendship just seems to have lost all value to me at this point.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
JhGBDuZwf63IzmE1M0WOarW7Pkm6ScpZ
|
ag4os8
|
{
"description": "wanting my own bedroom on annual vacation if it bumps up the cost for everyone",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for wanting my own bedroom on annual vacation if it bumps up the cost for everyone?
|
13 of us rent a different cabin every year for an extended weekend. Five couples, two single girls, one single guy (me), all mid-20's. We've done this for a few years, and only one year did I get a *bed*room for myself to much debate from a few people.
The issue is that that small bump in price per person is enough to push the price above some peoples' budget for the weekend. While some of us are willing to split the price increase to cover the difference for those with a budget, "Quria can just sleep on a couch" gets thrown around constantly while house hunting.
I get that it's easier and cheaper for everyone if I just sleep on the couch or floor, but it's my bloody vacation too and I want to sleep in a bed even if it's three nights.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
WLO3UEZEsa6MXGDnNrwgCYUSFYHd5lCM
|
9wa4hq
|
{
"description": "not wanting my roommate to get a cat, but having one",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I don't want my roommate to get a cat, but I have one?
|
My roommate's girlfriend just moved in from overseas (she's on a 3 month visa for now, another important point, because unless they get married or she finds a workplace to sponsor her she won't be able to stay) and she wants to get a kitten. I know cats are territorial and I already have a cat in our house. Our cat is super chill and spayed, but I remember when we introduced a new cat when I was growing up and the new cat ended up being afraid to leave a certain part of the house. I'm also worried they're gonna let their cat be an outdoor/indoor cat (my cat is indoor) and it'll bring all sorts of stuff into the house (fleas and stuff) because there's a lot of cats in the area.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
sKvM2aONk8qiZU7FxOgooe2pNXeQbo2p
|
anr1ws
|
{
"description": "throwing an unwanted party",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 52
}
|
AITA for throwing an unwanted party?
|
So next week is my best friend's birthday and i decided to throw him a surprise party. Everyone was excited and everything was cool untill today.
We talked today just us 2, and i asked him what he is doing for his bday, he said that if said that hes glad theres no party and if there was one he would be mad af. (The party is at his house so hes just gonna be extra mad)
He said he hates birthday parties many times before but i thought he was just saying that so hr won't be dissapointed if theres no party.
Ive been planning this party for a long time and its way too late to cancel.
AITA for not listening to him and doing whatever i want?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
mMa0x4przgi3LL75ULXY75gS33cEuT3E
|
addlha
|
{
"description": "considering it my husbands fault that our finances are a mess",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for considering it my husbands fault that our finances are a mess?
|
So a few years ago my husband worked as a contractor - it essentially operates as a business with one employee - him. He earned a fairly decent amount of money.
I work, run the household including the household finances. Every pay I take my husbands income, and distribute it to where it needs to go.
Earlier this year my husband saw his accountant and they did his tax. Turns out he hadn’t paid ANY tax for the year he was earning a lot of money and more we owe thousands of dollars. We’ve been fighting about it ever since.
I’m angry at him because I feel like it was HIS responsibility to pay the tax. He is angry at me because he says that as I do the finances I should have been putting money aside for tax. I did bring the tax thing up with him a couple of times while he was doing this and he fobbed it off so I assumed he was dealing with it. Besides I feel like how much else am I expected to manage? When he started with this arrangement he made a joke about me doing the bookwork and I said absolutely no way no how did I have any interest in business accounting.
Our finances are now a mess because he’s now in a different job where he’s earning a third of his wage, and we have this massive debt. I am getting towards the end of my own studies and it looks like I am going to have to throw in the whole thing and get a full time job.
I’m so angry at him but he thinks i have no right to be angry.
So what do you think? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
JRURdSkO0AIbZlHEX73bypWT0E3Zkktj
|
asjvt6
|
{
"description": "getting sensitive when my girlfriend is jokingly a jerk",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting sensitive when my girlfriend is jokingly a jerk?
|
I have a very bad history of people putting me down and ridiculing me, and I suck at identifying sarcasm. Sometimes, my girlfriend will tease me and call me names and act like she's irritated when she actually isn't. To a normal person the sarcasm is obvious but not to me. So I feel a little hurt. I've asked her if she could not do that so much or at least say when she's joking, and she's apologized and said she'll try but that's just who she is.
AITA for asking her to do that, and for getting sensitive in the first place?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
QTaCJRAX98rHVs59v56TbBSfMro3yJCv
|
b1owes
|
{
"description": "discouraging my husband from singing in public",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
WIBTA for discouraging my husband from singing in public?
|
My husband is a phenomenal guitar player. I sing very well. We used to do gigs together as a duo before we had kids.
Now he’s got the music itch again, since his regular job doesn’t involve music. He is joining friends once or twice a week to come on during their gigs and do a few songs to give them a break and scratch the music itch. But since I can’t be there, he’s doing the singing himself.
He is not a good singer. He’s got a pleasant tone when he doesn’t get too nasal, and I enjoy hearing him around the house, but he has major pitch problems and a limited range. It’s not just a little pitchy; sometimes he just can’t find the pitch at all and just throws a random note out there. He also likes to tackle more difficult songs than he’s able to sing. He knows he has these issues but thinks that with a little daily practice in his car while commuting, he could get good enough to perform. I don’t share that outlook. I’ve given him some pointers that have improved things a bit, so he knows more or less what I think, but not in such blunt terms as “you should not perform singing in public.”
I’m not jealous at all. I’m happy he’s doing something that makes him happy, and look forward to playing music again, with him and others, once the littlest one will sleep without me. I don’t want to crush the joy he is getting from this, but I’m also embarrassed for him to put himself out there with his current skill level. So WIBTA if I was frank with him about it?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
B7kyk3lOPhyJsxivnB818Yi9MjTJQEha
|
ai85co
|
{
"description": "objecting to smart assistants (amazon echo) in shared spaces in a shared flat",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for objecting to smart assistants (amazon echo) in shared spaces in a shared flat?
|
I'm a student and at the end of this academic year am moving into a shared flat with a different group of friends than this year, one couple (sharing a room) and one other guy. Between the 3 of them they have 3 home assistants, 2 which they intend to place in their respective bedrooms (I have no problem with that) and one which they want to have in the living room of the flat. Now I'm not some tinfoil hat wearing big pharma conspiracy theory loon but I do have a problem with private conversations in my own home being recorded unnecessarily and as such object to having a home assistant in shared areas of the flat. Is this an unreasonable request? Am I the asshole, or are they for trying to force the issue (as they currently are)?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ngbjfZfMR3tQ7XI2ITrHSv4o30dFKtMz
|
apiokv
|
{
"description": "using the word faggot in reference to somebody I was having a confrontation with",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for using the word faggot in reference to somebody I was having a confrontation with?
|
Long story short, I was at a party two days. It was fun, and a good number of people were getting tipsy, I wasn't one of them. Basically I was having a good time just talking to others then this other party member, lets call him Barry, comes up to me. So sidenote Barry is kinda an asshole himself and is extremely machismo, aggressive, and just overall a dick. We were never really fond of each other and kinda keep our distance at social gatherings as our friends were all friends with each other, so I saw him often.
​
But he was drunk and starts talking to me, friendly for about 4 sentences before he starts backhand roasting me in front of some of the girls we were talking to. (This is college party btw, he was talking dumb shit like my shoes and hair, etc high school kind of shit). I pretty quickly realized he was trying to act tough to me, being 6'4'' and male to impress others, and it seems like he wanted to try to fight. Pretty soon we were arguing very loudly, my voice is deep and tends to travel, and he called me a bitch and alittle punk and a pansy in the midst, I returned insults of similar nature. I wasn't trying to fight, I knew his game, but one of the insults I told him without really thinking was something along the lines of "Coming up to me thinking your tough and acting like a faggot makes is really fucking sad man" Now the verbal argument continued for like 30 seconds before we were seperated and the rest of the night went on kinda unsmooth.
​
Thats all the really important details, I left some gaps for the sake of making this story short, but basically I got a text from one of the girls who overheard at the party and called me a homophobic dick for calling Barry a faggot. I didnt response since i didnt really care but the incident has got me thinking. Now I know this guy isn't gay and I didnt mean any offense but i wanted to just say he was being a cunt in another wording. I never really saw myself as homophobic. Well ive said enough I think, what do you think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
4pQXBv0TPWCQUBbcZUYQRm2hvSrxKzFc
|
b6fay3
|
{
"description": "getting angry with my friend for buying a dog",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 27
}
|
AITA for getting angry with my friend for buying a dog
|
A coworker always talks about how she needs emotional support for anxiety and shit like that. She’s been through some trauma, her ex used to beat her. People I work with decided it would be great idea for her to get a dog. I was immediately annoyed and here’s the reason why. She works 11 hour days with 90 minute commute. Basically, that dog is going to be alone 14 hours a day five days a week minimum.
So she gets the puppy, and can’t really train it because she’s never home. Insists on asking for advice on how to kennel train the dog. Now the poor thing is spending most of its time in a kennel, except to piss and shit before she leaves and when she gets home.
Now she’s upset because the kennel smells like urine, and went around asking what she can do about the smell. I casually let out a sarcastic “Give the dog to an owner who can care for it”. And man did I get attacked. It’s a “therapy dog”, it’s a “getting her through a tough time”. My reply was “She should try Netflix, it won’t piss itself and die while she’s away”.
Well, that got me reported to HR for harassment. By the girl in question. They made me feel like the villain until I explained what was happening. I’ve got her side against me and people with me. But somehow I’ve come out looking like an asshole for being the only to say something.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 27
}
|
WRONG
|
VsBQxjObKfXiJDgubPCORU4HqzpXq7fI
|
arkgco
|
{
"description": "asking a guest of 5 weeks to contribute to rent",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking a guest of 5 weeks to contribute to rent?
|
In mid January our roomate came back from a trip home and 2 days beforehand she let us know a friend would be staying with her til she gets on her feet. We were happy and had no issue with it as it was her room she would be staying in.
Fast forward 5 weeks and that friend is now working and still in the room. She is genuinely nice and she actually fits in perfectly with everyone in the house but when I asked our roommate if she could contribute to the rent, I got a definite no as it was her room and she could let whoever she wants stay in it. She said that we have all had guests over and they never paid. My mum for 3 weeks and my roommates dad and sister for 2.5 weeks both on holidays.
I don't want to force her friend out but there has been little sign of her actively looking for a place and I don't think it's fair that she lives here free while everyone else pays.
TLDR Roomates friend stays in her room for 5 weeks, nice person with job, but won't pay rent.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
aoKYinjuWw4CFcVIry6gaXlX9QaigVpz
|
b4utux
|
{
"description": "getting angry at my girl-bestfriend for keeping me secret",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting angry at my girl-bestfriend for keeping me secret
|
Sorry I'm on mobile so bear with the formatting.
We've been friends for two months now. She has a boyfriend but it doesn't matter to me since we're like best friends. She asked me to block her every friend on social sites because she doesn't want her boyfriend to find about me.
She says that she and her boyfriend have fought multiple times because he doesn't like her being with other guys as friends and she already cut ties with her ex-best friend because her boyfriend told her to. Ever since we met, she kept me a secret. Yesterday I snapped at her because I don't want our friendship hidden like this. I feel like she's using me whenever she feels sad or lonely.
Am I the asshole for being angry at her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ii7JeYJMLIq62nK3bkXJD74n8WkaGaVy
|
a4gvdv
| null |
AITA My dad told me he got some test results, and he is going to die soon.
|
I told my girlfriend this, and her response was "I'm sorry," and she proceeds to hangout with her friends instead of comforting me. Am I the asshole for being mad that she doesn't care enough to comfort me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
GiFPCJ5f0Qs2MKvdc5chRjzJ3WbuwBMd
|
ah6cf4
|
{
"description": "wanting to report my aunt who is not handicapped for parking in handicapped spaces",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA I want to report my aunt who is not handicapped for parking in handicapped spaces.
|
WIBTA Like I said I want to report my aunt who is not handicapped for parking in handicapped spaces.
My uncle was handicapped and had marked licence plates and a handicapped placard for his cars, he passed away at the end of Dec 2017.
My aunt who is morbidly obese (600+ lbs) still has her cars registered in his name, and uses his handicapped markings to illegally park in handicapped spaces. I want to report her to the DMV/local police so she gets these privileges taken away.
She is not legally handicapped, just lazy and doesn't want to walk farther than she has to, am I the asshole?
Tl;dr i want to report my lazy aunt for breaking the law.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
xeCHn7AW5BL3Cm2Ub5oyjgzJ4keBu3vN
|
aka8s7
|
{
"description": "being mad that my roommate came back",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being mad that my roommate came back?
|
So I’m a second semester freshman at my college, and throughout my entire first semester I was having a fair amount of issues with my roommate (whose name will remain unrevealed for the sake of her and me just in case she finds this and figures out it’s me).
She never paid for her half of the microfridge, which I asked her about a few times. She also would regularly use it for her own food, and would stick her disgusting, smelly fucking pizza (I swear I’ll never get a job at Dominoes with how much I ranted about it online) in the fridge and store it there for a week. After I started to sort of push her out by storing my food in there more and more (up to that point I had only put in a few water bottles), she starting leaving her pizza OUT in the room for around a week and a half at a time. I actually had to buy multiple, very strong air fresheners to block out the scent, but one time, near the beginning of the semester, it got so bad that I couldn’t fall asleep because the scent was causing my eyes to water. That too was something I addressed with her, and she even admitting to not liking Dominoes that much. Then, when I got back from winter break, while my mom was helping me get settled in again, she noticed just how filthy she had left the freezer and microwave. They were disgusting, and my mom even said that we would probably have to use an ice scraper to clean it.
She also continuously used her phone and played videos (a lot of which were really high pitched, annoying videos) without headphones, which I called her out for three times throughout the semester, and while she did stop for a bit, she started up again around the end. After one of my confrontations with her, SHE asked ME to not use my alarm (a Sonic alarm), which I need to use because of the fact that I’m a very heavy sleeper, who can’t wake up on time without it. My disabilities counselor (I have a fairly bad case of ADHD) even recommended it for me. She also was very loud when she was on the phone with her friends. Meanwhile, the one time I was getting into an argument with my parents on the phone (they were fighting about something while I was trying to get something done with their help), she told \*me\* to quiet down.
There are also other, minor things she did that annoyed me. She would knock my trash can over whenever it was near the middle of the room, so it would fall over and shit would fall out, but instead of picking it up she would just fucking leave it and all the shit that fell out all over the floor. She slept with her head on the side of the microwave (we had our beds aligned parallel against one of the walls , with the microfridge in the middle). This made it harder for me to use the microwave, especially because she would charge her phone using the microwave outlets. She seemed to have a 9:30 lights out policy, because she would always turn the light off around that time. which fucked with me because I’m a late night owl. She would use my fan which I had bought for myself during the heatwave we had at the beginning of the semester, and then have the audacity to point it at herself alone. When we were both up late working on something and our movement sensitive light would turn off, \*I\* would have to be the one to get up to turn it back on, even though she was on the side closest to the switch/sensor, because she would just let it stay off. Meanwhile, it was also harder to get it to turn back on because her stuff was in the way of the sensor.
Admittedly, I have my own issues that prevented me from addressing this with her directly most of the time. One of the symptoms of my aforementioned ADHD is that I have RSD (rejection sensitive dysphoria), which causes me to have a sort of fear of rejection times ten. The thought of bringing up some of this with her, especially the minor things, actually causes my heart to start clenching up on itself. As for the things I have already addressed with her, I actually get more and more afraid to ask again the more I have to so, because the possibility of her getting angry at me gets larger in my mind the more I ask. I’m also afraid to bring it to my RA, because I’m afraid she’ll see my problems as being minor OR she’ll bring it up to my roommate and that’ll make things more tense. I also just had an internal issue with doing anything involving cleaning while she was in the room; it made me uncomfortable to do so. Also a side effect of my ADHD, I have SPD (sensory processing disorder) which causes me to either desire sensory input sometimes, or suffer from sensory overloads. This seems to mostly effect my auditory input especially. For example, I need there to be at least white noise in the background wherever I am, because the sound of silence is very unnerving to me. However, sudden loud noises, or more than two loud noises at once, or even the sound of someone talking to me while I’m in pain, cause my senses to go into absolutely overload, so my annoyance with her seeming lack of headphones is more along the lines of almost panic inducing at times.
Near the end of our first semester, I remember her telling me that she was probably not going to be coming back for the spring semester. I got excited. No roommate, and no more from her? I thought it was great. I didn’t tell her that mind you, but I still thought it. When winter break started, her name seemingly disappeared from where my it was supposed to be listed for indicating who my roommate was. It stayed that way for five whole weeks. I was beyond excited at this point. My mom told me that she had asked about it, and the housing department said that I might get another roommate at any given point, but if I got a new roommate while in the middle of the semester, they would inform me at least an hour ahead of time (and even the hour ones were just for emergency cases). Nothing changes for five weeks.
I get back from the break, and set all my stuff up. I get excited and maybe brag a bit to my friends that I don’t have a roommate. I got comfortable having my own space to go back to after a day of class. I liked being able to stay up till four am without worrying about staying really quiet for someone. I liked watching my shows with no headphones. I was happy. It was like this for five days.
Then, out of nowhere, after a very stressful day of dealing with my shitty fucking phone and slow ass computer, she walks in. No notification from the housing department. Nothing but a text from her saying “Jess?” And one of the first thing she says after she walks into my room? She tells me that she was gonna put something in MY fridge.
Am I the asshole for being angry about this whole situation? My friends don’t seem to and my parents don’t either, but my sibling Ray does, so I just wanna know. Sorry about the rant.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
nCDpZk5HF1IPpMp0h7jqUVNIrFIm13SA
|
a356pu
|
{
"description": "wondering what mail had to do with Bush's death",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wondering what mail had to do with Bush's death?
|
They're cancelling delivery of mail for Thursday "in honor of the former President." But what the fuck does that have to do with my mail?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
qOyuUtRIJJzi7keObeCN9F660DSA4BWu
|
b0vp6z
|
{
"description": "blocking a guy after his dad was in a car accident",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for blocking a guy after his dad was in a car accident?
|
Okay so I [23F] was supposed to go on a date with a guy [28M] tonight. I hadn't heard from him all day yesterday or today so I texted him to ask if we were still on to which he says he has to go take care of his dad who was in an accident.
Now normally I would feel really guilty for making it about me but I don't think he is telling the truth and here's why:
- this is the second time something has come up when we are supposed to go on a date
- when I confirmed our date a few days ago he said "plan on it for now". For now? Makes it seem like he was planning on bailing.
- we had hardly talked in the past several days
- it sounds like something a catfish would say (note: we met online and have yet to meet in person)
So AITA? Am I being paranoid?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
DIief2gBkH6tJBSW1Vao522bZAbEdMuP
|
b03hh2
|
{
"description": "taking the prize money",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for taking the prize money?
|
My intro computer science course had a competition in which you could win prize money. I assembled my group in a forum and didn't really know what to expect from my teammates. One of my teammates had some sort of disability and was almost always late to our meetings, but seemed genuinely engaged. I was pretty behind in some other classes and helped out when I could, but I was overwhelmed by the mechanism of our final project. This teammate started pitching what seemed like overly complicated ideas for a solution that I felt must have been easier, so I started consulting some dorm mates that had already taken the class to see what they had done. She didn't want to work with me on this strategy and just did her own thing. The plan was to maybe meet in the middle at some point. So two days before the deadline, it turns out she finished the entire thing. It was super elaborate and I couldn't really follow it. I tried to help debug it a bit and was always present during meetings to help, but at this point it was entirely beyond me. Anyway, turns out that our team won the competition, and all four of us won $100 each and getting an A. After the competition she messages the group chat asking how much of the work we feel we had contributed. I was honest, and said basically nothing, (mostly because she didn't work with us on developing it). She then asked if we thought we were entitled to the prize money. I was so shocked by this, like, the team won, not you, this is just how group projects play out sometimes. She said she did it to help all of us out (one of our teammates experienced a tragic event during), and that it was rude of \*us\* for not offering. She then went on to point out the flaws in my proposed code and said it never would have worked. It was a draft!! She had to take a night off work to finish it, but none of us asked her to do that. AITA for accepting the money and not giving it to her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
8qJtZrlMlyrMRcKbXofU0yR9pjY5q0qc
|
aun6qc
|
{
"description": "not 'paying it forward' at Waffle House",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not 'paying it forward' at Waffle House?
|
Last week I and 3 other friends of mine went to Waffle House at like 2am. There was a pay-it-forward chain going by the time we were ready to leave, about 4 people so far, and the total for my group was under $12 for the whole table. The people who came before us was a party of eight. From what it looked like, everyone in every group around us had a full entre, which is about $12 just per person. Now we're all college students, and one of us only brought $4 to begin with.
We didn't pay it forward and are too embarrassed to ever go back to that Waffle House.
We told the story to two of our girlfriends, and they're both mad that we ended the chain.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
0BqhbAwTTVSrCZ3GrRrnbbRMcyMrbLwf
|
amht5x
|
{
"description": "treating my friend like an employee",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA Treating my friend like an employee
|
I work with my father running a flooring business. After some time it's working together I was tasked with hiring a few people to help out and firing them if need be. It concluded with me hiring 2 of my friends Chuck in Tony which whom I've known since before my teenage years.
To the story:
Recently I've felt very frustrated with Chuck who has been arriving late at least 30 to 40 minutes every day for more than 3 weeks in an ongoing cycle for 3 years.
Last Thursday when temperatures were below 0 Tony had been calling off a few days for the flu so is up to us 3 my dad Chuck and I to finish the job. Job starts at 9:00 a.m.. Around 10:30 Ami asked my dad if he heard from Chuck since he wasn't on site. He responds with the definite no. A 1/2 hour later I send a text out of frustration..
" What's up man? You been late almost every day, we gave you a full day's pay for half day's worth of work on Tuesday. And now no call no show today? As for today we've got this under control But the irresponsibility is working against you. He demanded a raise, got it and this is now in repeat from before with the issues."
He then said why do I need to jump down his throat for being late when he texted my dad earlier that is car wouldn't start because of the subzero weather. Given that he just put a new battery in exactly one week prior, I decided to glaze over that and called BS and say to get your ship together or just don't in find a new job. Not only that, but come to find out he did text at 9:00 a.m., still late for a notice, but because my dad missing for me I then got fired up and threatened his job security over it..
He quit the next day and says hes gonna work somewhere else.
Am I the asshole for treating a friend like an employee?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
2QRDw2fS0YYnvvBQOelzrHUEUHz3pjC7
|
azbqau
|
{
"description": "not feeding everyone else",
"pronormative_score": 85,
"contranormative_score": 60
}
|
AITA for not feeding everyone else
|
I am a mom of two teenagers and one preteen. Most of you know that means they eat like crazy and I'm cooking a lot. My son has a friend Chris who isn't too well off. Chris comes over quite a bit and I am happy to feed one more mouth.
Last week his parents and two siblings came over to pick him up. All of them were on the doorstep. One of the siblings needed to use the bathroom and as they went in my house they commented on how nice everything was and how great the food smells. As they were waiting one sibling commented on hungry they were.
I diplomatically said that "well I'm sure you parents have a nice dinner planned for you" as I definitely had not cooked for another four people to join us.
The father replied "not really" and looked away.
I said "well take out it is then.. perhaps you should get moving since the kids are hungry." and ushered them to the door.
Since then I've told my son that he may be better off meeting Chris and hanging out elsewhere rather than bringing him home so much (four visits to one per week) or even going to his place as I don't want a repeat of Chris' family here on my doorstep.
I feel like I did the right thing by my family and yet I feel like an asshole. It's not Chris' fault they're poor but at the same time I don't appreciate an extra four last minute guests.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 50,
"OTHER": 75,
"EVERYBODY": 10,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 85,
"WRONG": 60
}
|
RIGHT
|
MG145fgH8xIVFNUtOA5Dd7pPUK1EJCz2
|
a4gklm
|
{
"description": "abandoning my ex after he helped me rebuild myself and then neglected me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for abandoning my ex after he helped me rebuild myself and then neglected me?
|
My ex and I got together when we were at mutual low points in life. We helped rebuild each other and discovered we were not a good match, to keep thing simple. Now he is making me feel bad by borderline gaslighting me into thinking he "fixed" me and I abandoned him. In reality, we helped each other become better people, learned we were not good for each other, and decided to separate.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
}
|
INFO
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
M0vD2PONgVHvL5K3FbHi3D97T0cAv48o
|
az7nbu
|
{
"description": "bailing on plans with a sick friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for bailing on plans with a sick friend?
|
On mobile - sorry! Tl;dr at the bottom.
Lately, I’ve been pretty busy with work and life, and I’ve reached out to my friends to let them know that I may not always be down for plans, but if they’d like to include me, please let me know. Most times I go, and sometimes I have other commitments. I’m 34, BFF is 35, other friend (OF) is 30.
I made tentative plans with OF today to have a prolonged hangout with beers and TV today, because my spouse is out of town and neither of us work the next day. The plans were kind of tentative because OF was drunk while making the plans, and because we’re both not feeling in great health. It’s been a hard winter, and I have autoimmune issues.
I have a massive work trip on the 18th that I can’t miss - I’ve been working collaboratively for almost a year on the project we need to complete. OF texted and told me she’s been vomiting today, so I told her that with all respect and love, please keep your germs out of my house, then followed up with asking if she needs any sick supplies (because she’s single and has no car.) She tried to wave it off, like, “It’s just stomach stuff,” but I told her nah, I can’t do it, and apologized for bailing. She texted back, “Booooo,” then nothing else.
She might be busy, sleeping, yacking her guts out, whatever, but I feel like a bit of a dick. I do not want to be hogging the bathroom of an Airbnb in a strange city while my collaborative team does all the heavy lifting, though, or worse - stuck at home.
Tl;dr: AITA for telling my vomiting-sick friend I don’t want to hang because I can’t get sick before a big work trip?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
qClv6YM0Ce6hxdEM0RybAzbDDwK3y50K
|
a94tln
|
{
"description": "not liking the Christmas presents I get",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA because I don't like the Christmas presents I get?
|
Togetherness. Good.
Being thankful. Good.
People buying me random crap that I'm then obligated to fawn over like I'm really happy to have it despite it being just clutter and just over indulgent commercialism.
I know I am probably, and do feel like I'm an asshole. I feel like people getting me these things mostly just shows how little they really know. They try, but they aren't me. I guess I'm just a picky asshole, I'd rather get something I specifically need or want rather then have people waste money on things I'll just end up throwing out. Which then ends up in landfill. Maybe it's the lack of agency or the obligation that bothers me?
I think not getting presents would bother me less. Is this really fucked up?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
INFO
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
IAV8mq0J9Tvy2Hf0I5SXs6laBff0PVjo
|
b7u81i
| null |
AITA or crazy for resenting my MIL for paying for our home renovation?
|
My husband & I just moved abroad for his job. I’ve been having a high risk pregnancy so my doctor put me on a travel ban 4 months ago.
Shortly after the ban, we got news the apartment above our old apartment flooded & damaged our ceilings. Since I couldn’t fly back & my husband hates leaving me alone, we asked his mom to help check the damage. She said she’ll fix it for us as a baby shower gift & we were really grateful for that.
She said she found extensive mildew & mould damage too, & they were probably why I was “sick all the time”. I have an autoimmune and that’s why I’m “sick all the time”. Her son lived there too and he’s FINE.
Then she just kept finding more & more damages that needed fixing. True, it’s an old apartment & we had issues with our contractor when we renovated, but how did we miss all that while living there for 2 years? We were there right before my travel ban & it seemed fine.
With every fix, she makes aesthetic changes to her liking. She’d always ask for my permission, but she’ll give me [identical looking options](https://m.imgur.com/gallery/uRBliaI) to pick from, so I feel like they’re not really options at all.
So far she has:
* Renovated the kitchen & guest bathroom
* Changed all doors & windows, & most cabinets & closets
* Removed the cork wall in the living room (I insisted she replaced them when I found out)
* Threw away the stuffed toys we’ve collected over the years for the baby (“mould”)
* Attempted to remove the mirror wall in our bedroom (I said no)
My husband and I are moving to a permanent place in a new country, preparing for a baby AND dealing with a high risk pregnancy. We can’t deal with an international home renovation on top of all this, so we’ve told her to stop & let us handle it when we have the time. But she insisted the apartment is full of health hazards that HAD to be fixed before the baby visits.
Since she’s paying for everything, I was too sick to care & feeling like a shitty future mom for not realising the apartment was going to kill my baby, I let her have her way at first.
But 3 weeks ago, my husband had to fly back for work & he said the apartment looked fine. He told his mom to stop making further changes because he knew finances are tight (last year she was saying she can’t afford to pay for my brother-in-law’s college & needed our help). She insisted she was happy to spend for her future granddaughter & refused to stop.
A week later, she claimed there was an insect infestation in our bedroom & more renovations are needed. My husband & I concede he can be inattentive, but he can’t have missed that, right? Can a massive insect infestation happen in just a week?
When she asked me if she can paint our baby’s room pink since the walls had to be repainted anyway, I can’t help feel like she’s been lying to us all this time about the extent of the damages, just so she can change our apartment to her liking. Am I crazy or an asshole for thinking this way?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
0TiQ6za8kliWlvwm0MfgzKP1Tu2WsmXZ
|
ayyep1
|
{
"description": "being mad at my bowling partner who called off",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being mad at my bowling partner who called off?
|
here's your context. this was a tournament. a doubles stepladder, too. i have a 115\~ average and he has a 145\~ average. keep the other guy's average in mind.
​
ok so. i was doing a doubles tournament bc my friend was going to said tournament. i went too because i wanted to destroy people at bowling. but, literally a couple hours before it, he says he has the flu for a week. he is afraid of a lot of things, like water, dogs, and being in front of people. i then get a person with an 80 average. 80!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS A 60 PIN DIFFERENCE!!!!!!! i'm super mad, and then we didn't get in, totally suprising. (sarcasm) aita?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
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}
|
WRONG
|
3TOGVsz8njoNIzpr93IVVGWjReMzZBA7
|
a0vro1
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend she needs to calm down and not lose her temper",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend she needs to calm down and not lose her temper?
|
My girlfriend is a loving but very passionate individual and her temper sometimes gets the better of her. We are in an interracial relationship and this has meant that she often reacts aggressively to the hostility (I have been channelling her aggression by encouraging her to do boxing) that we face.
This is compounded by religion. She is Muslim whereas I am not and this has meant that there are some quite judgemental people. For example, she was recently called a 'whore' and a 'slut' for having been in this relationship and dating a non-Muslim man.
She lost her temper the other day and went to physically confront someone saying this. I had to hold her back. I told her that if she doesn't watch her temper as hard as it might be, she could seriously hurt someone (she is a talented boxer) and then she would be in a lot of trouble.
My attitude is to let the hate and bigotry just run off us and show people that our relationship can work.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
Tr0N3c3T7XRwnktAk0btbMqwSsj0AR4k
|
app58d
|
{
"description": "being pissed that my boyfriend won't make the effort to make our lives easier",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being pissed that my boyfriend won't make the effort to make our lives easier
|
I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years now. I've always been the primary breadwinner in our relationship which is absolutely fine but he's not pulling the weight he did at the beginning of our relationship.
We met at our old job. We moved in together about a year in. I moved on to another job and he got a promotion at his job. We were doing okay. Not great but okay.
I ended up moving on to a much more challenging but higher paying job that I've been at for 4 years. Around the time I made this change the company he worked for went under.
He moved on to a much better, higher paying job with a great schedule and full benefits. We were doing really well at this point. Knocking out some debt and even managed a small vacation.
About 2 years in to his new job he started calling in a lot. He missed like 15 days of work in a 6 week period. He wasn't sick he just 'didn't feel like it'. We both have anxiety and depression but we are medicated.
He got fired. He lost a good paycheck and schedule and most importantly his medical insurance.
He's worked a couple little jobs since but nothing well paying and nothing with insurance. I've been trying to encourage him to apply for low income medical insurance or jobs that offer health insurance because his anxiety meds are very expensive and we're basically living off of one income but he doesn't even try.
I'm getting frustrated with his lack of motivation and it is starting to show.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 13,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
nelA7DzImPrdC2rCQrw0Vzd0Mxi3hRx1
|
b1txxa
|
{
"description": "letting my illness affect other people without apologizing",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for letting my illness affect other people without apologizing?
|
Hi!
I'm a [20M] college student and I come back to my parents house every other week to see them and do some laundry.
I have OCD/anxiety so I have a lot of trouble leaving their house or my appartment on time to take the train/going to class/etc.
So sometimes when we're particularly short on time for the train, my parents get quite stressed/angry and it shows in their driving/etc.
I think I should apologize to them without mentionning their attitude since it's entirely my fault and they want me to be on time because they care about me (they are amazing parents).
But I can't bring myself to call them afterwards to apologize. So reddit, aita?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
BcRxv22aPjyzKM1rmbBg71LP1DhC0iAS
|
a91pzy
|
{
"description": "not liking the way my dad treats me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not liking the way my dad treats me
|
Basically my dad will do things that he considers “gentlemen-e”. Like opening the car door or little mundane things. Those things are fine.
Lately he has started to help me put and take off my jacket. This bothers me because it ends up making the whole ordeal more annoying because now not only am I fighting my jacket but fighting his hands trying to help me. I tell him constantly to stop and I can put and take off my own jacket. He scoffs at me and tells me to get used to it. That this is how a “real man” will treat me so I better get over it.
This is what gets me mad. Because a “real man” would respect me when I say I don’t like something and stop. Not continue to do something they consider to be nice even if I consider it to be annoying.
Though when I try to bring this up to him he gets mad at me and tells me I’m being too sensitive and moody and need to chill out. I don’t normally feel like a overly sensitive kid who gets mad all the time but once he starts doing these things and ignoring my wishes I can’t stand to be in the same room with him. And then I come off as the dick.
Is this such a simple thing that I need to get over myself and just accept his help or i am right to think that he’s being arrogant?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
K0T0mwazycQ6R1vAbPVWbZIBLXV19mQm
|
ap4mag
|
{
"description": "wanting my wife to get her own retirement savings",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for wanting my wife to get her own retirement savings?
|
I’m 39, she’s 43 and we’ve been married for 20 years. She has nothing saved for retirement. I started a career in the trades 5 years ago and I’m earning a defined benefit pension as well as a supplemental 401 series account that my employer puts in $4 for every hour I work. It should be in the 6-8 hundred thousand range by the time I retire, and my defined benefit will provide2,800 a month plus full medical for the low cost of $250 a month for the both of us.
She works as a nurse where they offer a 401k match she is not taking advantage of. I’ve asked her repeatedly but she doesn’t want to have money taken out of her check. So she is basically counting on my retirement plus social security to support the both of us in retirement.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
gcA5IZKQYw6lvCEXQFOjtRMuHCEHOcSo
|
9v9lw9
|
{
"description": "losing patience about my long distance relationship",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for losing patience about my long distance relationship
|
I'm in a long distance relationship for 5 years.
We (F39, M49) live on different continents with plans to eventually live together.
Until then, we only meet once a year and spend a few weeks either at my place or his place.
So far, in those 5 years, we've never been able to make love because of his ED. He is also overweight (6', 300+lbs) I love him and I'm attracted to him, but I feel he should lose weight to be healthier and it would possibly help with his ED. (He says he loves me and is attracted to me too)
We nearly broke up a few months ago when I brought this up and told him it affects our relationship.
Up to that point I was nothing but supportive, loving and patient. But it's very hard for me to stay that way when I feel he is not doing everything he could to address this problem. When I ask him if he's working out or going out for a daily walk, his reply is he's not in the mood, feeling lazy...
His only "solution" was to get prescription Viagra/Cialis... every year, he's had different pills and none of them worked. Even his doctor told him losing weight would help and yet in 5 years nothing changed. If anything, he is heavier now than ever.
AITA for thinking about ending this relationship?
​
\*marked NSFW just in case..
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Yc8VVoy5cn2ZMIp962iMxEACN0fXKH4Q
|
amcad9
|
{
"description": "not wanting a rescue dog",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting a rescue dog?
|
Throwaway.
I am looking into getting a dog later this year. I want a puppy and at this stage I’m not looking to get a dog from a rescue. People that get pound puppies are admirable but I don’t feel like it’s the right choice for me at this time. I have lots of pro-adoption friends who see this “lack of conscience” on my part as “evil” but I’m of the opinion that I am the one getting the dog and therefore what dog I get or don’t get is up to me. I can’t help, however, but feel a bit guilty after having discussions with them.
The reasons that I do not (at this stage) want to get a shelter dog because of possible underlying health and/or behavioural issues. My partner and I have a cat and we worry about a dog coming in and attacking the cat. My parents had a shelter dog for a few years who they adopted from the shelter who ended up one day attacking and eating their cat. She also had other behavioural issues and was a loving, but difficult dog. Due to this, if we were to get a dog from a shelter it would have to be a young puppy.
I would prefer to buy a puppy from a reputable breeder and I have been actively looking into what breed best suits my partner and my living situation. I’ve been very critical about what kennels I inquire about and I am being careful not to be tricked by puppy farms.
When I relay that reasoning to my pro-adoption friends they scoff at me and tell me that “that is no reason not to get a shelter dog!!” and how I’m going to spend “thousands of dollars on a dog when there are unwanted dogs in the pound right now!!!”
So AITA for not getting a dog from a shelter?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
yZ9LWHsVrd8yrB6tten8NAHRSqDpaCFO
|
b0tedw
|
{
"description": "not going to my sisters fifth birthday",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
WIBTA if I don’t go to my sisters fifth birthday
|
Mandatory sorry about formatting I’m on mobile blah blah blah first post here blah blah blah.
I’m going to keep the as short at possible so here we go.
My parents are taking my little sister, four years old, to Disney World for her fifth birthday. I’m not a fan of Disney and the tickets are really expensive and don’t want them to waste the money but on the other hand I would be missing her fifth birthday and they might get pissed.
So WIBTA if I don’t go?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
GkNN3nYg0hX14oUSGGUQKlePGDlxpXVE
|
apq3yz
|
{
"description": "being hungry and annoyed",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being hungry and annoyed
|
In pretty small town out west with wife and kid. Spent a few days with wife’s old friend and we ate great but the kid slept through half the meals (didn’t complain about it and kid slept well). Kid is sleepy around dinner time, we make it to dinner, but never entered restaurant. Wife said it was not fair to child to drag her into dinner. We settled for dominos and it was unsatisfying and I didn’t eat much. AITA for being pissed it’s 11 at night, I am starving, and town is closed and I am SOL? I love my family and I don’t want to drag my kid through dinner but I am STARVING. Didnt blow my head but wife can tell I am annoyed. Would not bother me if we didn’t literally drag sleeping child through dinner the last few nights.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
iTzaJjjsOOz0tToTItCR3oj57EY0Ixcy
|
a5wxbw
|
{
"description": "calling out my principal",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for calling out my principal?
|
A little bit of background. I attend an international private school and our graduation is coming up. The graduation ceremony includes speeches given by selected students. Normally the more gifted and compelling speakers of the graduating class are given the honor of addressing the guests. However, this year, it was very obvious that the selections where not merit based. Almost all the speakers are locals who are hardly qualified and who also happen to be buddies with the young new principal (he's verrry young for the position and he only became incharge 2 years ago and he's only like 10 years older than me). On top of that, only 2 of the speakers are even from the graduating class, the rest are under-classmen. Very atypical from all the years I was at this institute.
Back to the story. I actually like the principal, he's generally a good happy-go-lucky guy. **But** he does sometimes get on my nerves because he treats me like a child at times inspite of our small age gap. I don't know if he does it because he feels that his position demands him to be overbearing, or if he just likes to tease me, or he feels like he's a lot older than me than he really is, or what other reason.
Anyway, I'm pretty sore about the selection. I guess I did feel a bit entitled to give one of the talks. I especially feel shunted that under-classmen were preferred over the graduating seniors.
So one day after rehearsals I vent my frustration on an anonymous letter and slide it under the principal's door. I basically called him out for the biased selection and used a bunch of derogatory words "incompetent, favortist, disrespectful, undeserving, etc."
I leave.
Next monday, **he brings the letter out and reads it to he whole freaking class** mfw holycrapnononono.
He was visibly shaken and hurt by the letter. (I also mentioned how he didn't deserve students giving up their time to come study at his school since he has no respect for us and how if it weren't for us students, he would have no job).
I feel terrible. He thereafter claims that he didn't even make the selection of speakers and that they were selected by a council (but I think that's tenuous since even *if* there was a council, he makes the final decision). Anyways.
I feel like an asshole. Basically there is a huge boundary of respect which I was emboldened to cross under the veil of anonymity **and** there is a possibility that I unjustly accused him of something he didn't even do.
But in my defence, I never intended the letter to be read infront of people. That's why I frikkin wrote it to him privately. He went and read the whole thing to other people which was never my intention.
So be honest. Am I an asshole?
There are a few followup details and I'll clarify any questions.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
rlDO16c8dGMsxXClgUbBxYDkBFQ1PzAN
|
a668lv
|
{
"description": "being in line at the grocery store",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being in line at the grocery store?
|
First-time poster here. The other day, I was at the grocery store buying some stuff, and as I was leaving I heard the following exchange between the cashier and the next customer.
"Hi, how are you?"
"Better than the guy in front of us."
I turn around and the customer is looking at me. I said, "excuse me?" and he said "nothing". My wife, who was there with me, said "okay, let's go" and we went out the door. Confused, I asked if she knew what that was about, and she just said "forget it, don't worry about it," as though she was concerned that I was upset, so I dropped the matter.
But I just *do not understand that interaction.* What is the point of the guy *calling out a stranger over nothing*? Did I *do* something? Was it just a lame joke that I am overthinking? Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
C2A0hUaeL4HpQiahinFaQHqAzegHI6Mt
|
ajzkke
|
{
"description": "breaking a friendship without warning",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for breaking a friendship without warning?
|
I'm not the best at explanations, so I thank you ahead of time for taking the effort to understand my problem. Please let me know if I'm justified in my actions or not.
I feel shitty mainly because we had been such close friends and I left seemingly meaninglessly but I really couldn't stand it anymore. We had been friends for a couple years but we knew everything about each other--to the point that every detail of every day was the norm. I'd never had this kind of friendship before and I was so grateful I could ramble about something that should be considered mundane to someone. He was always a jokester, the type that everyone makes fun of to have a laugh, but also smart af so people trusted him with their problems as well. You'd think someone with that much interaction would be socially adept but lately I'd been so frustrated with him.
For one, our conversations used to flow naturally but he started to force me to basically recite my itinerary for each day. It felt like since I had previously talked a lot about what happened each day, he felt entitled to a "good story" from me. All the conversations he ever started were "How are you" and "Tell me about your day". Don't get me wrong, it's nice to have someone care about these little things but man when you're just showered with this question (sometimes multiple times a day...) it really gets annoying. There's only so many details I can give you, man! Just cus you have nothing interesting to say doesn't mean I have to be some show monkey and carry a conversation I didn't even start. It just seems so shallow, especially coming from a someone I considered a friend for years. I think it's totally acceptable as a polite conversation starter with someone you're not familiar with, but when you're this close there's a lot of better ways to show interest. This didn't occur when we first started talking because we had mutual friends in a group chat, so we usually talked about our third-party opinions on that. After life hit us both, we both ghosted the group chat and our conversations slowly devolved into annoying check ups every couple of hours.
But like, even when I did talk about something in my life he would shut it down. Like I said, he was a jokester but he did not get the hint when someone didn't find it funny. He even got mad at me for saying "lol" instead of my usual "LOL", and asked me if something with wrong in MY life. Oof. If he was actually funny I would laugh, I was tryna hint that it's not good and please stop. I don't know why he acts entitled to my reactions. So it would end the conversation, because I didn't feel like divulging more details if he was gonna keep making offensive jokes like that. Previously, I thought he was funny because in a group chat setting, roasting people were more appropriate. When it's a one-on-one conversation that you've started, I feel disrespected when all you have to say in response is how dumb I am to not have included an obvious pun in a sentence or whatever. I've also brought it up to him a couple of times, he apologizes, but then continues to do it. I felt bad because that's kind of his personality, and maybe someone else can appreciate his sense of humor. Who am I to change his entire personality just to suit me?
The worst part is the guilt tripping. I always responded even though I found it annoying because I knew he cared about me, and that's why he messaged so often. Unfortunately, I'm not a clingy person to begin with, so this was really not up my alley. However, I was so overly conscious about his efforts that I held back my initial feelings. I felt appreciative because he made it clear to me that he valued me a lot. I mean, how could I possibly tell someone they were annoying, when I know they have good intentions? I thought maybe if I kicked this under the rug, I'd truly come around and be the person he wanted. Someone who would reciprocate and cling back. But I couldn't fake it.
I finally blew up. It began with me telling him I needed space from him, to focus on my school work. He called bs, saying that I wasn't caring about him for a long time now (huh, so he actually did get the hints but never changed) and he never did anything wrong. I couldn't really pinpoint one big "thing" that he did wrong either, it was just a bunch of little habits he had that just built up. Since I couldn't really justify it myself in a neat explanation, I wanted to avoid pointing fingers at him and blamed myself. But that didn't work, so I began telling him all the reasons above. He kept saying "Nah, something changed with you", and cut me off the whole time, which really sealed my opinion that he wasn't going to listen. I blocked him on everything I could think of, and only when he realized that did he say sorry. I don't want his apologies though, I'm just simply sick of him. I guess friendships really do drift apart.
These seem like little things when I list them aloud but they honestly just killed our conversations. I could feel resentment building up every time he messages me, which sucks so much. Friends are supposed to be fun to be with. So, could I have handled the situation better? Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
bGoyAP4nAbR6EeO2EIlZkzCKpOqTho0o
|
as5dk9
|
{
"description": "correcting my brother",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for correcting my brother?
|
So, I'm older than my brother (if it wasn't obvious) and sometimes he has a hard time pronouncing words. It's usually just simple things like sometimes he'll add the "t" sound at the end of mansion. Whenever I catch it, I politely correct him.
He doesn't get mad at me when I do, he just repeats the word correctly, but my "step dad" has a HUGE problem with me correcting him. I swear, I just want my little brother to have proper grammar.
Of course, I don't correct him anymore because of my "step dad". But I still want to know if I was the asshole in this case.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
99HrbTgj7U3EGb9b12Hexgkft08UMAQh
|
b4z1mf
|
{
"description": "not giving my BF my old car",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA Am I(F50) the asshole for not giving my BF(M51) my old car?
|
I've been dating my BF for about a year and a half - dating, not living together or engaged. A couple of months in, he had car trouble and I, knowing he was struggling a bit, offered him a $600 loan to get it fixed on the condition he pay me SOMETHING every month, ten or twenty or thirty dollars. He gladly accepted. I knew it would take a long time to get paid back, but I was fine with that. I'm doing ok for myself; not wealthy but ok.
A couple of months went by and he never mentioned it. I finally said, hey - remember that loan? He gave me $60 and complained a couple of times that he was broke because he gave me that money. He never spoke of the loan again after that.
As time went on, I realized how truly broke he was; literally living paycheck to paycheck, on the edge. I feel like he misrepresented to me HOW broke he was when I loaned him the money. I might still have given it to him knowing I wouldn't get paid back, **but I would have done it with all the information.**
Fast forward, I am now planning to sell my 12-yr-old vehicle and buy a newer used car. I plan to sell the old one and use the money towards the newer car. He mentioned that he could use my old one as it's still newer than his. I don't want to give it to him. I'm sort of ok with not getting my money back for the loan, it won't damage me, but the fact that he just continued to pretend it never happened hurts. And I can get a slightly better car with what I can get selling the old one.
(He could have repaid it on other ways, helping me with work around the house or whatever)
​
So, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
c3BcgjjY1n9Tgrh1B4ILl63oaoHAw552
|
ari61r
|
{
"description": "yelling at a guest for getting comfy",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for yelling at a guest for getting comfy?
|
Last night we had lots of guests over for my gf's bday at our apartment. Her cousin brought a bf. By the end of the night there were 8 of us sleeping at our crib. Its 4am and everyone is asleep. Some on the floor and couch, one in our king bed. But the cousin's bf is still awake.
The bf starts talking about how hes gonna set up an air mattress and comments about how its loud but they brought it so they should use it. The cousin is fast asleep and murmurs a "what? ill sleep where you sleep." and falls back asleep.
​
This thing is gonna be loud, everyone is asleep and we have a puppy in a kennel asleep in the living room as well. Our walls are not that great cause its an apartment. So I tell him something like "man just sleep on the floor, everyone else is and that thing is gonna be loud." He insists to use it, so I offer my bed to him. But he says no. I repeat, go sleep on the bed and start listing off reasons not to inflate the air mattress.
After going back and forth for a few minutes he just starts inflating the mattress and its loud as fuck and lasts a while. Our guests wake up and have to move so this beast can take up like half the floor for 2 of them to sleep on. I know the cousin personally and she was 100% asleep and was happy on the floor sleeping with the other guests.
​
I get up after its inflated and because im a passive aggressive fuck who cant just speak his mind I yell, "well, now that everyone one is awake and our neighbors are awake you can sleep in your fucking bed." I was pissed and everyone heard but I just got up and went to my bed.
​
We just ignored it and in the morning they left. Our neighbors probably didnt hear and our dog was fine but that shit was loud. Our guests talked among each other and played it off like I was just grumpy but I am pissed still. I'm not gonna go on a rampage but im not having that dude over again without an apology. Even if the reasons I had weren't valid, he disrespected me after I offered my bed to him while id sleep on the floor.
​
But I don't know, maybe its all not a big deal and I shoulda just let the dude get comfy. So aita?
​
tl;dr dude was rude and im in a big mood
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
sTUt1DevIycaRVn1nB8Iv0EdtlqtpOkn
|
b5u6ss
|
{
"description": "cancelling a date",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for cancelling a date?
|
I met somebody on a dating app about a week and a half ago who I thought I had a decent rapport with and had quite a bit in common with. Monday of last week we had established a date for that Friday evening. We continued to chat throughout the week and it seemed to me that, for internet stranger online dating standards, we were getting along extraordinarily well.
The day of the date, i asked if she was still on for that night, and the response I received was essentially “actually I’m out of town, my roommates mom has a medical emergency and I left to help them out” to which I replied that I hoped she got better and left it at that.
While I fully acknowledge that her reason for canceling was totally legitimate, i walked away bothered for a few reasons
1. no apology for the last minute cancelling of the pre established plan
2. No immediate effort to reschedule, which I’ve always understood to be the responsibility of the person doing the cancelling rather than the person being cancelled upon (is that even a phrase?)
3. The fact that at some point over the course of us chatting she knew that she would have to cancel to help with her roommates mom and wasn’t immediately forthcoming with the information. In fairness to her, contextually it seemed like a last minute emergency, but again the onus of responsibility should on the person doing the canceling to communicate that as soon as they reasonably can.
4. The phrasing “I’m actually out of town” seemed incredibly blasé to me
I hadn’t received a reply after wishing her a recovery by the end of the day, which led me to believe that I had been blown off and that I wouldn’t be hearing from her again. Mildly frustrating, but not the biggest deal in the world.
After two days, she replied and asked me that Monday if I’d want to meet up with her and I told her that I was no longer interested in meeting up. I made it crystal clear that it wasn’t the fact that she had to cancel that bothered me but the cavalier manner in which she cancelled that bothered me.
Before I made the decision to say that, I considered if maybe I was overanalyzing things, and I ultimately came to the conclusion that if I had cancelled plans in that matter with a friend or a date or whoever that that person would have every right to be frustrated with me, so I had the right to be frustrated with her. She then unmatched me.
I was fairly convinced that I had done the right thing and that I was correct in feeling bothered, but when talking it through with my friends the opinion is kind of split. There’s some that agree with me that I was justified in calling it off and others that think i burned the bridge too early and that I should have been more forgiving due to the circumstances of her cancelling. Naturally, I’ve been overthinking it all day.
what do you think Reddit? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
YS9saR4uDAMpz0Bi3eBIMjwVyHfurXud
|
az3x62
|
{
"description": "asking my wife to clean the house",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for asking my wife to clean the house?
|
A little back story... our house is pretty bad messy, like embarrassingly messy. I work everyday except Tuesday, and Sunday from 9-7:30pm. My day is consumed by work.
I have 3 kids, and my wife is a stay at home mom. All of my kids are in school, so they are gone 8-4pm everyday. Only person home between those hours is my wife, as she doesn’t work.
I usually stay pretty quiet about things, but every now and then, I ask her things like “you gonna clean the house today?” , and she flips out every time, saying things like she takes care of the kids, and runs all the time. AFAIK running involves paying some bills, and grocery shopping. That can’t be everyday, and can she even use the excuse taking care of the kids, when they are at school the majority of the day?
Just so I do not run the risk of being completely one sided, I am not the most tidy person, and she says things like “you should pick up your mess, and maybe I’ll clean”. I don’t know, I could clean more, and I do not feel it is her sole job in life to be the “maid”. Usually what runs through my mind is that she lays around, and watches tv all day, like it’s some kind of vacation. I literally work my ass off, and I make sure she is able to stay home for the kids.
Am I selfish for thinking we should take advantage of the time she has, and clean? Am I the asshole for thinking this way??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
TeAI4jpdqKAVuaqvksxKEDbftipIOKlJ
|
b2ux5a
|
{
"description": "taking a shower at 11.30pm even though my housemates were awake",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for taking a shower at 11.30pm even though my housemates were awake?
|
BACKSTORY:
This issue is between my housemate and I; let’s call her Mary. We’ve lived together for a bit over a year and when I first moved in we became best friends immediately. However with that closeness came disparity and we’ve had a few arguments since then. I’ve never had this kind of dynamic with any friend or housemate before, and the first time we fought was a shock to me.
This particular incident has some backstory that informs my feelings and reaction. A few months ago we had a fight after Mary accidentally got the impression that I showered twice a day every day. She told me that I shouldn't; I said that I didn't except in special cases, but "also hygiene is a really personal thing and on really sweaty summer days I might shower twice, and I don’t think that’s unusual or a bad habit." She didn't take this well, citing how much water one shower uses and "to be asked not to take 2 showers a day in a share house is a reasonable request. What’s not reasonable is how self-righteous you are about it and how you’re trying to infer that your hygiene is being policed. Please don’t manipulate the conversation this way ever again, I don’t take lightly to manipulation whether it’s conscious or not." These were literally her words in the message she sent me.
I was actually really hurt by her reply. I’ve tried to take the criticism in stride and work on being less defensive and more clear in my communication. As a result of this conversation I have been extra careful to never shower twice a day unless I have a good reason.
NOW:
I work night shifts and on this night got home around 10.30pm. While at work I had started to feel itchy and even after leaving the office it didn’t go away. While Mary and our other housemate John watched a movie, I laid in bed feeling itchy, depressed (for other reasons), and apathetic. After the movie John took a shower which gave me the idea to do so myself, as it might help my itchiness.
Mary often has to be up early (earlier than the rest of us) and has asked us not to make noise once she goes to bed on school nights (including not flushing the toilet or taking showers, as our pipes rattle hard). I respect this and do my best not to make noise on those nights. At this point however Mary was still pottering around in the kitchen. At 11.40 as I got into the shower I heard Q grumbling about us showering close to midnight. I was in and out of the shower within five minutes and went straight to be afterwards.
The next morning I woke up to these messages:
>HER: Hey showerinpeacepls quick question, why?
>You got home an hour ago and tomorrow is your day off: why now?
These messages made me really uncomfortable. I feel like a child being asked to explain myself to my mother, except that I’m 30. I want to tell her what I’m feeling but I'm not confident I can face her without being sure: am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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