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EI0XknHH1p6sbQAUVxBsuuEgVD6JTcyk
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aq25s7
|
{
"description": "catfishing someone I know to expose them as a potential pedophile",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for catfishing someone I know to expose them as a potential pedophile?
|
To start off, I am in high school and I know a person who is 19 years old who is known to go after young girls around the rage of 13 and 14 and recently he was trying to date a 14 year old girl who is the ex of one of my friends. And a friend asked him what does he find in a 14 year old girl that he likes and he said "I dont go for looks in girls I go for personality". And we thought that was really funny because at 19 and 14 is a huge difference in mental maturity. So we tested this theory to see if he was a "Pedophile" by setting up a fake instagram posing as a 13 year old freshman girl named "Alyssa" who is new to the school, we make small talk with him for the first few days via direct messaging, and then one night at 10PM he wanted "Alyssa" to send him a video of her and because Alyssa is not a real girl we can not send a video so i decide to play it off saying i am trying to go to sleep and that i dont look good at the moment. And he replies saying "Come on im sure you look gorgeous ❤" and I replied no and he ends off the conversation by saying "Goodnight Goofy ❤" after a few days of talking to this 19 year old dude we decide its the day we put him to the real test. So at school in the morning we text him to come meet 13 year old "Alyssa" in the back of the school in the girl's bathroom and that "Alyssa" has something waiting for him in there 💦👅🍑🍆 using those emojis signifying that this "Alyssa" wants something from him. He then says he is coming so we are waiting for him nearby those bathrooms and the bell rings to go to class but we continue on anyway, we then see him show up outside of the girls bathroom waiting for "Alyssa" and then we decide to confront him i tell him "Oh so you have science 1st period?" (Thats the hall we are in which is not really where his 1st period class is supposed to be) and he says "Yeah" and then i say to him "Dude what are you doing shes 13" and hes like "this girl told me to come over here idk" and im like "wtf are you doing back here coming to meet a 13 year old girl?" And he's like "nothing i thought it was funny" and I said "You know im "Alyssa" right?" And he puts on a fake smile and i say "You wouldve done something to this girl" and he says "no i would have not" and i said than what buisness do you have back here? He then kept on replying "i wouldnt have done anything with that girl" and that was his only argument. I than said "Your a pedo dude" "What business would a 19 year old adult possibly have with a 13 year olf girl" and then he just angrily walks away.
TLDR: Posed as a 13yo girl on Instagram to see if a 19 year old dude would try something on her, I lured him to the girls bathroom and confronted him telling him that hes a pedo.
I would like to make out these points
*He's 19 and talking to a 13 year old girl
*Hes sending a 13yo girl heart and kiss emojis
*He asks a 13yo girl to send a vid of herself at 10PM
*He knows a 13 year old wants sex from him and goes to meet her privately at the back of the school outside of the girls bathroom.
*He has made no other argument than saying he wouldnt have done anything to a 13 year old girl.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
fazhTmD7YANCjcqxgKiAUrvEcAtmbEoi
|
akocg6
|
{
"description": "joking that our friend is racist",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For joking that our friend is racist?
|
A couple of years ago I became part of a preexisting friend group of around 10 mixed men and women, They'd all already been friends for years at this point, So they had multiple inside jokes already when I was first starting to get to know them.
One of their inside jokes was that a particular friend, Lets call her Jane, is a racist, I actually don't know where this came from, But I can tell you with 100% certainly that Jane isn't racist, which is what makes the joke, you know funny.
Now I want to make it clear when we say these jokes I wouldn't say we actually say racist things, There's definitely zero slurs of any kind, it's more ribbing Jane based on things she does, Like if we were playing chess and she chose to play white, We all be like "Of course you picked white Jane, There's nothing wrong with the black pieces!"
It's all really tame stuff like that and always in private.
Jane dislikes it no more than every one else dislikes their own inside joke (Mine is that I sleep with prostitutes) In our friends group if you're nice to someone it means you don't like them much.
A while ago we got a new girl in the Group, Kitty, who is far more SJW/Pc than the rest of us, and while she can be fun to hang out with, she can also be exhausting at times.
So recently Kitty has developed a problem with these jokes and wants the rest of us to stop saying them, a few of the group are worried if they keep saying them Kitty will brand them as a genuine racist, But a me and a couple others are unwilling to stop something harmless over one person developing a problem with it, as when Kitty first started hanging out with us, these jokes were just as rife as they are now if not more.
So are we the assholes if we keep the joke going?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
flvhKjTx8afJmA3fqo1x1RjXwr2prbkA
|
9xx80j
| null |
AITA: Gift tearing family apart
|
Hey reddit, so last Christmas(2017), I (20M) received a really unexpected gift from my father. Which me and him don’t get along, and never really. The gift he gave me was the latest iPad. I was super appreciative towards the gesture and actually used it for a few months, But ever since I want to say March, I didn’t really have a used for it and just put it to the side for some time. So I figured my sister(22) could use it since she can use it more than I. Unfortunately she keeps it as if it were a piece of paper, and with no regard in my view. Anyway, so since Christmas is around the corner again, my father asks about the iPad and I tell him the whole situation and he just guilt trips me about it, by saying things like, “ oh I see how you treat my gifts like this, I remember that.” Idk just felt like I wanted to share the story and see whose really in the wrong here, thanks.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
VLhGZQ2SdGuyoUTVXAhCWr7IbGvhFDic
|
a82jrn
|
{
"description": "hoping for more out of a FWB relationship, even though he's basically said no",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for hoping for more out of a FWB relationship, even though he's basically said no?
|
Hey there, throwaway account for obvious reasons...
​
About a couple months ago, maybe 5 or 6, I met.. let's call him Vick? I met Vick online through a mutual friend, and he was funny, and charming, and we hit it off super well. Fast forward a couple weeks, we've been spending more time together talking, watching movies, texting each other every day, things like that, and at this point I'm pretty sure he's flirting with me. He's honestly pretty fun, so I end up flirting back. Eventually, one thing leads to another... we end up sexting, phone sexing, whatever you wanna call it. It just kinda sorta happened?
​
So, this goes on for a while, and we're getting closer, and we keep doing this, and sure, it's fun, but honestly? I didn't really know what to think of it. I mean, here's this funny, charming, down-to-earth guy that's cute as heck, and is great company, and is checking literally every single box on my "hypothetical perfect man" checklist, and he might just be into me, too? So, one night, I ask him the question that you're *supposed* to ask in my situation. "Just what are we?"
​
And he doesn't know, either. But he's okay with just "letting things happen and seeing where they lead", if I am too, and that "if we enjoy each other's company in the here and now, that's what matters in the end, right?". So, y'know, I took that to mean that, hey, there's a chance it could be more, somewhere down the road. Looking back, maybe that was silly of me, but hey, they say love is blind for a reason, I guess. But yeah. We keep this up, and we grow closer, not just romantically but as friends, too, and I'm falling harder and harder for him all the while. I'm the kind of girl that has a hard time separating physical intimacy from emotional intimacy; I know that about myself, I'm mindful of it, and at the time, if I didn't think we had a real chance of turning into something *real*, I'd've probably stopped doing things with Vick a while ago.
​
But y'know, all good things come to an end and all that. We're talking one night, and it comes out that, while he likes me, at this point in time he's not really wanting any sort of actual relationship, or the responsibility that comes with one. And that he felt this way even way back when, when I asked him if we had any chance together. He didn't say so at the time because he wanted to try, and maybe he could manage it sometime down the road in the future, but apparently right now, it just wasn't working. But we could keep doing what we've been doing and still be FWBs, right? If that's something I wanted?
​
At this point, I just didn't know what to say. I.. I'm not crazy, I wasn't planning our marriage or picking out names for our children or anything. But I had fallen for him, hard. Harder than I had ever fallen for someone before, if I'm being completely honest. And so, I'm not entirely proud to say it... but I stuck around. I figured that having him around as a kind of LDR FWB would be better than not having him around at all, and I mean, I was still enjoying our time together as friends too, even if now I knew it wasn't going anywhere.
​
But that was months ago, and nothing's changed. If anything, it's gotten worse. I should have just turned him down and walked away, because I'm pretty sure I well and truly love him, now. And a part of me just keeps saying that if I stick around long enough, maybe he'll be "ready" for a relationship, even as the rest of me screams about how dumb and awful an idea it is to hold out hope like that, and that for both of our sakes, I should just ghost him.
​
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
V8GmMyVUW1Qc01cxVEeNsJq1SWiXFKAj
|
atlguu
|
{
"description": "wanting to discuss the Youtube pedophilia stuff with my friends",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to discuss the Youtube pedophilia stuff with my friends?
|
Background: I don't know how many folks have seen it or heard about it, though I know the video is near the top if r/all but Ben Watson made a video about the rampant softcore pedophilia on YouTube. If you haven't seen it, it's fucking disgusting what is happening.
Anyway, I saw the video yesterday evening. I usually get on my playstation at night and game with some friends from high school and college. I brought up the video and asked my friends if they had heard about it. They had not.
I wasn't surprised because I feel like I am relatively well informed and had just learned of it. (Admittedly, I had seen it on the front page like a week ago, but just got around to viewing.)
So I bring this up to my friends and one in particular begins to react in a contrarian way. I'm not gonna be able to remember verbatim what was sad but my friend asked what I was going to do about it and questioned whether or not it was important since there are so many terrible things that happen every day.
I found this response rather surprising and noted that I was merely hoping to inform them about something that I didn't know and felt that in the moment the only thing I could do was raise awareness about this thing that I just learned about.
The conversation got caustic and the responses that I kept getting were dismissive and questioning why I thought this was such a big deal.
The question that really got to me was him asking me "what are you going to do about it?"
More backstory: I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I've dealt with it and moved past it but hearing him ask that question made me feel like I was doing something wrong by even bringing it up and that I'm not doing enough to fight back against childhood sexual abuse and pedophilia when in reality sometimes just getting by day-to-day is all I'm able to do.
Am I the asshole for not doing enough to combat pedophilia by wanting to raise awareness. Obviously I know there is more to do, volunteering, dedicating my life to stopping it, but in that moment all I felt like I could do was talk about it and my friend made it sound like I was not being a good person because I was bringing up a problem without also having a solution for it.
So, AITA? If I am, I'm really sorry, I just wanted to talk about something that I thought was important.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
e3fV7wPwcbIJFO6xbklunIqdMwgAjxVi
|
agao4z
|
{
"description": "accusing my girlfriend of cheating",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For accusing my girlfriend of cheating?
|
So we have been dating for half a year, it has been rocky since she would break up with me for the slightest thing, only to come back to me within the hour. For example she didn't like my friend by the way he talks to girls, and since it says a lot about people by who they hang out with (I lived in a new country so didn't have much choice in friends who spoke English). But since she has feelings for me she came back within 20 minutes. I just think its her being insecure.
Flash forward months, I'm back in Europe and she's in America studying. It's going ok, we call and play steam together when we have time, I'm just building my career to be able to fund regular visits and she's studying. One morning (her night) I get her calling me super early, I think it's an emergency and answer. She's in tears saying she got raped, I'm in shock, speechless. She says she's going to have a shower and asks if I'll leave her, I say no but I need the full story once you shower.
I sneak to the kitchen to get a coffee to wake myself, to try and wrap my head around what could've happened. She responds and she's crying and saying she's vomiting etc.
Now I've never been in this situation, so I'm calming her down saying I'm here, I ask if was there condoms. She flips saying she doesn't know and how could I ask such a thing. Now this weirded me out, I was only asking in case she needs to see a doctor, if I need to PayPal cash for the doctor etc.
So I tell her to tell me the whole story, the story is a few days ago someone screenshotted an email she left open when she went to the library. And then used it to blackmail her into sex or they email the university, she decides to go and sleep with him. Now I am speechless, firstly I think it isn't "rape" (my friends later on tell me it is), but we called daily in those times where she was blackmailed and not a peep, she says because she didn't want to be a bother.
She sleeps and my mind is a mess, I message my friends who have been victims of rape and god knows who else just for advice. She then calls me in my evening, where I spent all day thinking of everything you can think of, she is crying and asks if I am still with her. I said only if you let me support you and we consider transferring to Europe so I can be closer.
She then says it was all a prank, her friends told her to do it and it was funny. I was speechless and hung up, she expected me to be relieved but I felt nothing but rage. I haven't felt so betrayed, I ignored her for an hour and ask if the whole thing was a lie, the rape, the blackmail. Yes it was, I said "You know I probably thought you were cheating and made it up to cover your tracks, is that what actually happened?" And she was in shock, how dare I, her boyfriend, acouse her of being disloyal. I apologise but even months from now she brings it up to say I had doubts.
I soon found out the friends was a lie, she did it to see my reaction, if I would stay with her, but she says I should feel bad for telling she's probably a cheat.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
COB0DDkKD1tltW4vsidCxv0JrIbNdJHa
|
amia31
|
{
"description": "refusing to do favours all the time",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for refusing to do favours all the time?
|
Ok, this might seem kinda insignificant but it drives me crazy. I'm 18 years old and throughout my entire life i've always been the person everyone comes to to ask for a favour, when i was little my siblings did it but even then i could understand why they would since i am the youngest and it seemed like a way to bother me more than anything. My mom was also like that, she would ask me to clean the house, my brother's mess, do the dishes, go to do groceries with her, etc. I felt sorry for her as she came late from work and i could see she was hesitant to ask my older sister for help cause she has a terrible attitute and my older brother is "disorganized" so she couldn't trust him with these things. I mentioned to her many times that she should teach my brother to look after himself, that being messy isnt an excuse cause im also extremely messy. She would get mad and become very passive agressive when i pointed these things out, saying that she was taking care of us all on her own and she needed help, that i was being selfish, and i always gave in. My mom died two years ago and now im living with my aunt and my brother, and the same situation happens. The excuse now is that she's old, she has knee pains, it's too hot, im tired,etc, and says the same thing about my brother and how "easier" it is to talk to me (lies, i barely speak in our conversations cause she never shuts up). Now, i usually give in too, but from time to time i bring up the same arguments. I'm tired too, i have very harsh migraines that make me dizzy and prevent me from doing certain things, but that doesn't seem like a valid reason for not wanting to do stuff. So, am i the asshole for not wanting to help all the time, or am i allowed to not want to do something for others?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
VWnM541bx0BX5IQU5lcFCpuaTT30QFJZ
|
aopzd4
|
{
"description": "feeling a seller should have at least apologized",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA I felt a seller should have at least apologized
|
Hi,
So this story is mostly done from email as the seller only put his email address as a point of contact on Craiglist. The seller will be S and I am Me.
/Wednesday/
Seller posts on Craiglist that they are having a huge moving sale. On the listing I noticed it said a Nintendo Switch with 2 games for 200.00 dollars. I didn't think I would have a shot but since I got the Craiglist app I noticed the time of post was just an hour ago so I make contact.
Me: is the switch still available?
Seller: Yeah sure is. If you want it you will have to come to ____ station.
Me: okay cool. That is a hour away from my station but I can do it. What day works best with you?
Seller: Next weekend works great for me.
Me: Alright cool, my kakao ID is ***** just message me a exact time and date when you can.
/24 hours past/
/Thursday/ I got no message on kakao from the seller so I emailed at 11am asking if they wanted to meet that day. I gave this option as my job is only 30 min from their station and would make more sense for me. I would be ok with any answer as I had the money but I was excited to finally own a switch. I leave work to find that i got no replay.
Emails total: 4
/Friday/ i felt odd to have been ghosted by a seller so i decide to try a different approach. I emailed the seller again from my alternate email address. Asking again for the switch and when could I purchase it.
Seller: Sorry it is sold.
Me: Yes I know but when can I get it.
Seller does not reply to the email anymore.
I go to my original email address asking is our deal still on as I do not want to ride a subway 1 hour out just to get nothing.
Emails total: 7
/Saturday/ I am getting pretty fusterated and send another email, this time in a new message (so no chain) asking if another item he had in the original post was still for sale. This caught a fast reply (mind you my original email has yet to get a reply since the first conversation)
Seller: Yes they are still for sale
Me: I wanted to ask you to bring them with the switch.
Seller: Sorry the switch is sold.
This literally now has me confused.
Me: I am sorry? I asked to buy the switch and I never got it. How can it be sold?
Selller: oh it was first come first served and I sold it to someone who forwarded me the money.
Now i am fuming. He mentioned non of this in his original post which I am showing here. So I am legit getting heated from the nerve of him not only going silent on me but not keeping his word.
Me: You did not even mention that as a option. I had the money and YOU picked the date. This is bullshit on your part as you never updated me. I even asked to come to your station the following day to do the purchase yet you chose to ignore me. Fuck you.
Now i wanted to know if I should be as angry as I currently am. It is just rude to me that the seller ghosted, sold to someone else and did not update to tell me that he sold to someone else until I ask him to bring it with another item. The worst part was that all me emails had a auto footer with my name so he could have told me the truth at anytime.
<Since I can't post photo I will instead copy and paste the ad without the full list of items for sale.
Moving sale
Here is the list of things I want to get rid of. I am willing to negotiate and make a good deal to buyer. Please email me and we can work it out! I am leaving feb 26 so let's get it done before then!
1. No brand TV 50" >
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
0ViXmZSt0NptZDQzWjGNJexiIlAPdfDw
|
as96jr
|
{
"description": "getting angry at my dad for criticizing my parenting",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For getting angry at my dad for criticizing my parenting?
|
A bit of context, my dad is in his mid 60's so grew up in a very 'traditional' home. He had plenty of kids and i'm the youngest at 21, me and my partner, lets call her P decided to start our family at an early age and our perfect daughter was born in late October, we'll call her B.
My dad currently has around 15 Grandchildren so he is definitely not new to this, 14 of which are from marriages before he married my mother, my daughter is my mum's first grandchild.
Now my mum hasn't been very well recently (nothing contagious) so we went to visit them at the weekend. My dad spent most of the day criticizing how me and P choose to raise B, its nothing crazy, we just don't agree with the 'cry it out' method when she goes to sleep. Instead we only rock her for 5-10 minutes, when B starts to drift off, we put her down and most of the time she soothes herself to sleep. If B wakes back up and starts crying, we rock her again and repeat until she sleeps.
Now this seems to really anger my dad, he constantly tells us that B will never be independent if we keep doing that, and how we just need to let her cry. I've explained to him plenty of times that times have changed, we're happy doing it this way and B sleeps as well as you can expect a baby too. Let's be honest, no first time parent has it all figured out and you learn as you go along.
B also hates going in the car, (I'm well aware most babies love it, but B just cries from when we put her in the car, until the moment we get out) so either myself or P will be in the backseat with B, in an attempt to calm her down and let her know she is safe.
Again, my dad says we should just leave her and let her cry it out, how we're doing it wrong and how me and my siblings were left to cry and we turned out fine.
This has been going on since B was born and most of the time I ignore it, or come back with a sarcastic response like "opinions are like an A-hole, every one has one, but I really don't want to hear about yours" I finally lost my temper at the weekend, telling my dad to fuck off and to leave us to raise B however we want. He gives the usual response telling me to calm down, how he's 'trying to help' how he's only 'giving his opinion' and how 'this generation gets offended if someone disagrees with them'. We left promptly and I have spoken to him since.
Any parent will agree that unsolicited 'advice' is frustrating, and I've calmly asked him to stop countless times but he doesn't listen. My mum says that he's just stubborn and set in his ways and I should just ignore him, but its hard to ignore someone criticizing your parenting, especially when you're stressed and sleep deprived, should I have just let it slide or am I right here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
AL3coLfX7HKUxWIaakpP8cOOt6FHSKFh
|
amj73s
|
{
"description": "not wanting my niece to sleep in my bed",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting my niece to sleep in my bed?
|
Mobile, sorry for the formatting issues.
I have a dollhouse bed, and it’s a bunk bed. I exclusively sleep on the bottom nowadays, and I got it when I was younger because I really wanted a dollhouse bed.
I have a 4 yo niece who comes over just about every week. I do not really like children and I’m not the one who says I’ll watch over her, my mom does. But I live with my mom, so I have to be around her every week.
my mom spoils her rotten. Every time she goes shopping, online or not, she always sees something and says “This would be perfect for *my nieces name*!” Or just gets her something. When my niece wants something, my mom will almost every time get it for her.
So whatever, the typical grandparent who loves her granddaughter. (My mom isn’t very old though, late forties.) But we go back to my dollhouse.
My niece LOVES it. She used to crawl into the bottom bunk all the time and when she would spend the night or nap here, she would always want to sleep in my room for the dollhouse bed. I didn’t want that though, I don’t like having a child in my room at night because I usually stay up late and I would honestly not like to jack off around a child, and during the day , this means I can’t really be in my room to do stuff and I would take it somewhere else, and I feel most convenient and comfortable in my bed and desk.
My sister needed my niece to be watched one day, and my parents weren’t going to be home, so she paid me to watch over her. Cool. I did everything good and I was going to put her to bed when she starts begging to sleep in the dollhouse bed. I decided to cave in, but when I put her there, she kept asking to get up for the restroom, she forgot her milk, etc, etc, etc, until it was obvious she just didn’t want to go to bed. I got really frustrated and I had to put her to sleep somewhere else. After this, I really didn’t trust her to actually sleep in it.
Recently, when she comes over and wants to nap in the dollhouse bed, i tell my mom i don’t want her to for the reasons I already said, plus I no longer trusted her to actually sleep there. So I always managed to not have her sleep there. But when I leave the house when she’s with my mom, I almost ALWAYS find her In my room, sleeping my bed. It’s even more frustrating now because I have some bags from shopping where I was going to cut off tags or sort some art supplies I had just gotten, but now I can’t be in there because she’s napping and I have to wait. It’s even worse because my mom doesn’t ask me when I’m not home and just does it, so it’s always a surprise. I’ve told her not to multiple times and she keeps telling me that she’s ‘just a child’ and that she ‘really wants to sleep there’ and ‘she rarely comes over’ which is a LIE because she comes over WEEKLY. It’s also kinda frustrating that she talks more about my niece and how much she misses her over my other sister who is at college Who we actually rarely see.!
Am I the asshole for not letting or not wanting her to sleep there, and for getting upset at my mom for ignoring my wishes?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
HgZKORiWqgtmGiUtBBQoyDqyWTJI4EMm
|
aot6wh
|
{
"description": "pointing out my co-worker's mistakes to our supervisor",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for pointing out my co-worker's mistakes to our supervisor?
|
I work in a field where we constantly deal with attorneys as well as sensitive information for our customers.
Yesterday, it was brought to my attention that a co-worker of mine sent a letter in error to an attorney on a file that I was working on. The issue was easily correctable so I let the matter drop as the letter didn't contain an sensitive information.
Later that day, I got a phone call from an attorney on one of my co-worker's file telling me that they had received several letters that were clearly intended for our customer and not the attorney. Again, no sensitive information was shared but I told the attorney I would notify my co-worker to be more careful in the future.
I ended up bringing the mistakes to my supervisor because I'm legitimately concerned that my co-worker could send out something that would cause harm to our company or customers. My supervisor told me that he agreed that my co-worker may not being paying enough attention and would discuss it with them without involving my name.
When I told my partner this story, they said that I was an asshole for "ratting" out my co-worker who I consider a friend.
I'm conflicted on the matter so I just wanted to get more opinions.
Thanks
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
TGgahwMS4M689PRi7CzE8Sz2iXAkIjF1
|
b9kr96
|
{
"description": "planning to leave my job for a new one while promissing to stay",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for planning to leave my job for a new one while promissing to stay.
|
Hey guys,
I'm 20 years old and work full time at a food delivery service on an extended 14 months contract. I'm planning to go back to college next year but am not earning nearly enough money to both study and pay my rent. And taking loans isn't an option due to family history.
So I told my bosses I'd leave if they wouldn't give me a raise or promotion (which I deserved as they stated many times) . They told me they'd think about it so I didn't expect much of it.
A week later I came across an acquaintance who was telling me about his company looking for employees. The pay would allow me to make my monthly salary now in almost half the time. So I asked for his HR contact and planned an interview. Now a few days ago my boss send me a surprise message telling me my new contract was laying at the office. And I went and signed it.
Its a decent payrise and just enough for me to study and work. But at the interview at the other job they gave me my salary prediction and they are far better. The new contract at my old job comes with a two month period of no resignation. But I am planning to leave after that period for the better paying job.
In short: I wanted a raise or I'd leave. I got the raise but am still planning to leave to a better paying job. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
i0iohInEQlX775BVQPp1vqWP1KEgb6kM
|
asdmou
|
{
"description": "periodically ignoring a girl",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for periodically ignoring a girl?
|
So, before judging me out of hand, hear me out. I've known this girl for about a year and a half. It's been emotionally intense, with a lot of feelings going unresolved, and coming back, and it's just a general mess. Aside from this I suffer from some sort of depression, basically, I have periods when I'm really unpredictable emotionally, and generally just miserable. I usually do go out with friends even during these periods, though I avoid all contact with this girl, I don't message her, I put her messages on mute or filter them, and don't approach her in public.
A few weeks ago I was in this spot again, and even though she sat the next table over I didn't say a single word to her, I barely looked at her, though she was staring at me, wanting my attention. According to my friends, who paid attention, she basically looked ready to either kill me or start crying.
One of my friends went up and asked her how she felt, and she basically said it hurts, but that she's used to me ignoring her randomly and doesn't want to raise the issue with me. I asked her over a few days later, apologized, things got weird and then I did it again. I blanked her again and stopped writing. I feel shitty. Am I an asshole, and how big of one?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
Trh1kTHCq2GidVLWMtRkAo4rgFfEfKYD
|
algye5
|
{
"description": "not getting my mom a birthday gift",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not getting my mom a birthday gift
|
I know how terrible it sounds but just read.
I’m 15 years old and I don’t get money often, I can’t get a job because of my age so my funds are always limited.
I get larger amounts of money twice a year, my birthday and Christmas. This is because my family doesn’t always know what to get me so they give me money to spend on whatever I want. This system works good bc some of my family aren’t tech savvy so they can’t get things I want on amazon or an online site that doesn’t have a store near them.
My parents are divorced and have been for years, they both have a S/O and are well off. I spend each week with both 50/50.
For Christmas I got money as usual bought some things and now, I’m left with $80. I’ve been planning on attending a concert in March and I want to save my money for merch + ticket. I’ve never been to a concert and I’ve been planning this for awhile.
Both parents have said they’d give $50 for the ticket. And then I pay the rest. The ticket is going to be $120 so I pay for the $20 and use the $60 for a shirt.
I need to save this money as I will not bet getting any more before the concert, so I plan on not spending a dime.
My moms birthday is coming up in early February. She is pushes me to save money for her birthdays and Christmas’s. When I get money for my birthday June, she’ll say “save it for my birthday”. To me this is ridiculous, this is my spending money for myself. And my father agrees. It would be different if I had a job and earned money but I don’t. My mom is very self centered and doesn’t understand I’m not made of money. She expects me to spend a lot of money on her that I don’t have.
If I don’t get her something I’ll probably not be allowed to go to the concert.
As much as I love my mom, i can’t spend that money and I can’t get her a present. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
SyETDntoJy6SIyGGQH95RmXRieNQgrm0
|
b8msd0
|
{
"description": "turning in my ex girlfriend for plagiarism",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA for turning in my ex girlfriend for plagiarism
|
Before Reading this post I know that academic dishonesty and plagiarism is the worst crime in the academic community. I was guilty for writing 2 History papers for her. I know that I’m not not innocent also. I take full responsibility of my actions.
My ex and I have known each other for many years. She and I have been hooking up for the past 2 years. She and I became official last July. Lots of red flags in our relationship and she was very controlling. I ignored all this because she’s very hot and I wanted to be with her for years. She goes away back to college at SUNY Albany in the end of August. Because her family Financial situation(father in jail). I would support her giving her an average of 300 a week.I also wrote her 2 history papers for her. She was telling people at school also that she was single. I found out because I got her 250 dress for her formal I was supposed to go to with her and she sent me a Snapchat in the dress one night. When I asked her what’s up she told me not to worry about it. The next day she broke up with me saying she wanted to take things slow. Slowly after I find out about all the cheating she did . She also never wanted me to visit her at school saying she didn’t want me invading her life out there. I was very heartbroken and give her a bunch of chances to come clean and tell me that because we known each other since we were kids but she never did and she ghosted me from her life.
I waited a few months because my family did not want me to tell the professor about the papers. But last week I was like fuck it I sent the school and the professor an email and the Google documents for the papers. Saying I wrote the papers and she did nothing basically. The Google documents has a feature known as version history where you can see everything at the date and time it was written. It shows me writing the entire paper with her making only small edits at the end or nothing. Later on the day that Professor got back to me. Saying that the history department takes these offenses very seriously. About a week later my ex girlfriends mother starts freaking out calling my parents saying she has a meeting with the school community standards. The next day she had the meeting and of course she tried to blame me Probably lied a lot about me at the meeting. Her mother says her case with the school is pending(no idea what that means). I checked on the SUNY Albany website for academic integrity and plagiarism and it says the minimum penalty of caught for Academic integrity Misconduct is a one semester suspension and she will get a F in the class. But this wasn’t just copy and paste plagiarism she straight up had me write the papers for her and she did nothing. There still is a chance she can get out of this saying vindictive harassing ex boyfriend tried to get revenge. But I just want her to get expelled or at least suspended for a semester.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 13,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 17
}
|
WRONG
|
j31m6Nhuf5sOBNVedEB58VbGOW9vCVAx
|
aicv2u
|
{
"description": "talking about suicide to the girl who rejected me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 18
}
|
AITA for talking about suicide to the girl who rejected me?
|
This might be a quite long, complicated, uninterresting adolescent story. I just put a big part of it in brackets, you don't have to read it to get the point, but I feel like it's less abrupt with these optionnal bits.
&#x200B;
About three years ago I told a girl I loved her, and was answered that she didn't love me. I reacted as I could, so I basically went crying, but within a few days, the situation got less awkward, and we kept being friends.
&#x200B;
**(**The next year was a bit complicated for me by the fact that she was in a class with all our common friends. So I just felt a lot lonelier that I would have wanted, but nobody's fault, right? It was a bit hard, but I got through it.
&#x200B;
The following year reversed the situation, and I got in the class with all of the friends, and she got the class where she was alone. Consequently, she had to make the moves not to be isolated, as I had to do. I took profit of that to get a closer friend to her, not only because I was in love, but because I felt like she would be alone otherwise, and most importantly, I just liked her personnality. Anyway, along with another friend of ours, we formed a small 3 people group inside the big group, and got a lot closer together.
By the mid-year, they two noticed that something bothered me: I was still in love with her, and just didn't want to tell her, in order to prevent her from being embarrassed or having to be nicer to me or anything. So I jut told her. And she said it was perfectly fine, she didn't minded about it and she just wanted me to find another girl to love in order to be happy.
We discussed about it a lot afterwards, because from this point, I just couldn't keep a sadness for me which was both irrationnal and easy to sort for her. She told me she was lesbian too, that prevented me from being jealous, but that's not the point at all.
From there, she wore a big part of my sadness whenever I was sad, because she knew she could help me. It's been to the point she even accepted to hug me whenever I needed to, and I needed it on a daily basis, of course. But don't get me wrong, I didn't see it nor a way to satisfy any need of sensuality, nor as forcing. I mean, I saw that as a way to be happier on short term in order to be a happy person for my friends who, I felt, needed someone happy. And it wasn't forcing either, I just asked everytime for a discussion or a hug when I felt I could use it, and she just gave them to me, saying it wasn't making her incomfortable any time I asked, which was often.
She ended up telling me she couldn't stand the whole hug-thing anymore around 2 months after starting it. I acctepted to stop right away, a bit angry she lied to me all along, but now she was honest, so it was fine.
&#x200B;
Summer came, and I started to feel really miserable, isolated for no reason etc. I started thinking about suicide too, mostly because of this one side love. I told a lot of friends about these dark ideas, but they would never really keep a long conversation I felt I needed. So I ended up talking to her, and she made me promise not to do "anything stupid", I promised.**)**
In the course of summer, we spent a week together(, all three of us). I took profit of a night where we were just two to tell her about how I felt, and I found something to replace the hugs: telling her why she was a great person to me. Naturally, like for the hugs, I asked her wether I could, wether it was useful etc... and she told me yes, so I just did that.
&#x200B;
This year, we are in the same class. And we sat next to each other. We were really close, and both happy, as far as I could tell. I did went to see a therapist, for I didn't want to tell her about my problems, but it seemed useless to me. One day, she just sent me a message to tell me not to compliment her ever again, or anything approaching. She wouldn't explain nor expected apologies or an answer. I got desparate for an hour. I felt this was a great way for me to get better, and was really bitter that she lied to me again. I couldn't really see how I was going to handle my despair now. I asked her to call me, just to help me getting through that harsh hour or so. She just said no. I thought that was fair, she had the right to say no, and I didn't want to force her. But, seeing how hard it was going to be, I felt like I would have to face the question of suicide before getting throught if completely/ I told her I took back the promess I had made. She must have felt bad about it and called me, crying. We spoke for like an hour and went to sleep. I was more or less ready to keep it all on me from now on as I had previously did.
The next day, she didn't show up in class. And I was called to the provisor's office in order to clarify with them what had happened the previous night. Her mother had complained about me, or was scared for both her daugther, who I was weighting upon, and for me, for being suicidal.
The next week, I discovered that 1) she wouldn't talk to me anymore (it's actually her parents who forbid her) 2) I had essentially lost all of our common friends, which went with her. From this point, I was basically alone for a week.
There had been hollydays when we talked to each other for the first time again. It had been 3 weeks. I was thrilled with the fact that I could see my friends again, but now, something's different. I am out of most of the message groups, which turn out to be essential for the social life ouside of school. Yet, it's gradually getting better.
Question is: Am I an asshole, taking profit, even without being aware of it, of the weakness of a friend to avoid going foward?
&#x200B;
Quick résumé: A girl that had rejected me accepted to hear me complain about how much I sufferred of our relation, but lied to me in order to handle more that she could. She ended up not wanting to handle everything anymore, and that made me talk to her about suicide, which shook her a lot.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 18
}
|
WRONG
|
Gq2j3Q0R9VNtmDKaRzpqnU94lV9eyXlf
|
adc9tx
|
{
"description": "dating preference",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA Dating preference.
|
I'm a white guy but white girls are the least attractive to me. I'm almost always going to go for a black girl or asian girl first. Honestly I cant think of many white girls I've been attracted to. Am I a jerk for being selective like this?.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
xtp1F8igOV8UoiGLSEAYbKUcBYEKT16X
|
b6mhtz
|
{
"description": "offering my partner a gift card in exchange for doing my portion of the project",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
AITA for offering my partner a gift card in exchange for doing my portion of the project?
|
I’m a [19] senior in college, my class has a giant project at the end of the year that’s worth nearly 50% of our grade. Luckily I was paired up with one of the best students in our class, I’ll refer to him as Sean. Sean transferred here on a basketball scholarship, but is still relatively lower class and took out huge loans to get through school. Our curriculum is very strenuous as well, we have around 25 - 50 pages of notes due every week. Because of this Sean only works part-time, because of the expensive rent he usually eats the cheapest meals such as McDonald’s or instant ramen. I decided to offer him a proposition, I’ll give him a $350 local grocery chain gift card in return for him doing my portion of the project. At first he was kind of hesitant, but said that it would be nice to eat some “real” food for once. So he agreed, I went home smoked some weed, made some dinner and posted a snapchat. Some of my classmates replied to my story with question marks or asking how I was able to be chilling during prime grind time. I told some, to which they replied I was an asshole for “taking advantage” of my poor classmate. I think this was strictly a business transaction where both sides benefit. Am I the asshole in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 19,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 19
}
|
WRONG
|
ZxjXFtpBuzf0fnwwMDBguIC9OaRXHc8L
|
abg6ud
|
{
"description": "eating Taco Bell",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for eating Taco Bell...
|
So serious dilemma. Tonight for New Years my boyfriend and I decided to celebrate at his sisters house. We agreed that he would drink and I wouldn’t so that I could drive us home. Well we left a little early cause his sister was getting tired and he got pretty wasted. On the way home he insisted that we got Taco Bell, so we successfully purchased $25 worth of tacos and made it home safely. As soon as we got home he was in the bathroom puking his guts out. Now I got him cleaned up and he is passed out in our bed. I really want to eat the Taco Bell, but I need to stay in the bedroom with him just in case he gets sick or whatever. So should I eat the Taco Bell in bed with my wasted boyfriend next to me, or is that a dick move?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
3R5FO8iawF5T6biQ5YWyrL5i3JomBLRv
|
aczpsh
|
{
"description": "sharing a bed with, and getting to second base with a girl I'm not planning on dating",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for sharing a bed with, and getting to second base with a girl I'm not planning on dating?
|
So a few days back me and a girl I know had a sleepover or whatever you call it. My parents were out of town, and she came over, we watched sports and went out for wings and whatever. We didn't have sex, but we shared a bed, sleeping together, holding hands and I did get to touch her breasts. More that she kind of put my hand up there, and I was too tired to really care. She seemed really into me all of the time, and made hints that she wanted a relationship.
Anyway, I'm not interested in really doing anything further, at least not before thinking it thru, and prolly not even then. I've heard bad things about her from my friends. But I don't want to hurt her, especially not since this is my 3rd or 4th close call with her, but I don't want to date her, even though she, according to everyone who knows me and her, is really, really in love, like not just up for sex, or crushing, but a year long thing.
Am I the asshole for letting things go this way, for inviting her to stay the night, and for letting it happen before, even if I'm not gonna date her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
goAz6jV8fRK0QfB0IqjenZezdwwOaFDr
|
axdqnm
|
{
"description": "invading my friend's fitness safe space",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for invading my friend's fitness safe space?
|
I (26F) had shoulder surgery in December and have finally gotten the ok from my surgeon to resume normal activity. For the past three months I have not been allowed to run, use stationary bikes, ellipticals or lift more than 2-5 lbs. The recovery has been incredibly painful-- possibly the most painful thing I've ever had to work through. The whole thing has massively lowered my self-esteem. I used to be fit and happy with my body. Now, I'm several lbs heavier and just really frustrated with not being able to workout.
It's coming up on the one year mark since I injured my arm and all I want is to feel like I have some control over my body again. I decided that I wanted to try personal training so I can have someone there to check my form and help me find creative ways to push myself around my limitations. I feel like getting someone qualified to guide me is the safest way to get back in shape without compromising my shoulder's recovery.
My friend, Julie, goes to a gym she LOVES that is really close to my house. She's been going there for over a year. After texting her a question about the gym rates, she called to tell me she didn't think it'd be a good fit for me. She started out by telling me it was SUPER expensive and that it’s got limited equipment (it has great equipment), but eventually she just came out and said "I don't want to be a bitch, but I just don't want to see you there." It’s a small facility and she feels like she's finally comfortable working out. She's struggled to be active her whole life and to find a place that really worked for her and this was it. It's clearly become her fitness safe space--and I get that. But then she got super condescending and wouldn't listen to me when I told her I didn't want to workout together, I just noticed their trainers had great accreditations. I tried to explain how hard the past few months with my shoulder have been and that I really needed to find a trainer who knew what they were doing. She pretty much just ignored me and told me to try LA Fitness or anywhere else.
Its been a week and I finally had time to go through and contact 16 different gyms in my area. Julie's gym is tied for the cheapest prices with one other facility. (Depending on the number of sessions I purchased, hers would be the cheaper of the two by $5/session). I texted her to let her know this -- including the names of all the facilities I contacted to show I made an effort (I also made a list of all the prices), but I haven't set up meetings to go talk to trainers at either gym yet (I intend to speak to both). She has yet to text me back and I have a feeling that she's pissed. I kind of wish that there were more options available, but I'm also a broke student and unfortunately her gym actually is really fairly priced with supposedly excellent coaches.
AITA if I decide to set up personal training sessions at her gym after she told me she wasn't okay with it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
xWiaQYxq9DWPtCq6AGg7ZaE0Y3bh6Hoq
|
b0s4yy
|
{
"description": "saying, \"it's a ham sandwich, you never had it?\"",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA because I said, "it's a ham sandwich, you never had it?" (yes, my friend actually told on me.)
|
Okay, my friend which we will call for this story Timmy is a person who says "none of your business" to simple questions which annoys me, but this is still a surprise for me, anyway.
Today I was eating my lunch in the cafeteria which was a ham sandwich with fried ham. Timmy says, "What's that?" I reply with, "It's a ham sandwich, you never had it before?" I don't remember what Timmy said back but Timmy's friend who we will call Anna replies and says, "We just wanna know." After lunch, my teacher talks to me and says that I said "It's a ham sandwich, you never had it before?" to Timmy and Anna. The teacher basically says that it came off rude. Now, keep in mind I didn't say it in a rude way like a bully. The teacher also said I should apologize. I kinda cried but I sucked it up. I really didn't want to apologize because I did not believe they deserve a apology, but the teacher was there so I had to do it. That's how the story ends ladies and gentlemen. I know it sounds ridiculous because this story is just about a freaking ham sandwich. But I hope you enjoyed the story.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
kx6dtH9ujPiDLOPlsMDHULOSPpVayt2E
|
au4ab4
|
{
"description": "talking to my dad about a problem and someone over hears it",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for talking to my dad about a problem and someone over hears it
|
I'm an 18 year old who's going to college later this year, is trying to have good grades, make some money, and still try and have a social life. So I'm almost always stressed out, and lately have become (overly) emotional over things. I live with a lot of people and that includes my oldest brother, my Sister in Law (SiL for short), my 2 nieces, and my nephew. Now I love my nieces and nephew, but I really don't like babysitting as it just adds a whole new layer of stress on me and the kids can be little hell spawn sometimes. For personal issues about myself I often feel like I can't say 'no' so anybody, so I almost always agree to babysit unless I honestly have something to do.
Right now I'm on my February vacation, and so far almost every single day they have asked me to babysit. Sometimes they pay me in food for something, but almost never in actual cash. Recently they have started to pay me for longer babysitting times (things like $20 for 4-5 hours) or whatever. But today I had an online DnD game, and I really wanted to play it because 1.) I love playing it with my online friends, and 2.) I had to miss my Tuesday session with my school friends so I could watch their kids.
My SiL comes into my room and asks if I would watch my nephew (my niece's where at SiL's family's house) so they could go drop my mom off at work and go get food. I tried to tell her that I have DnD, but she just said that my nephew is sleeping and walked away. Like I said before I have often feel like I cannot say no, so I just sit there.
About an half an hour to an hour in our session, my nephew wakes up and the girls are home, and so is my dad. I tell him about what happened and that I just want to play my DnD game. He understands and takes the girls downstairs, while I sit in the living room with nephew because he's just quietly watching Blues Clues.
But it turns out my SiL's step dad was hearing the whole conversation with my dad, and goes home and tells this to my SiL's mom and I guess now they're arguing over it. My brother just told me that I don't have to watch the kids anymore, and my SiL comes in pissed at me because I told my dad and her step dad over heard it. I didn't even get a chance to explain myself and I just felt like shit to the point where I thought that everyone would be better off without me. Then later after I talked too some friends of mine, she started messaging me saying that she doesn't want me talking to my dad about her anymore.
So I just want to know, am I the asshole for telling my dad what happened and how I feel?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
BZ6vBVFV7AfWfUegJzVEOFBKGEhAIYtW
|
apkp46
| null |
AITA in my rooming situation?
|
I live in an apartment complex with four bedrooms per unit. Two shared bathrooms. Shared kitchen/living space. Last semester I only had two roommates, and while I wasn't fond of them, things were alright. Recently, the fourth room was filled, and it's started to fall apart. I lived in this apartment last year with friends, but two of them graduated and one dropped out, so it was just me, and the complex assigned these three roommates to fill the spots. All of them are best friends, and I don't know any of them.
I will admit that I tend to leave notes rather than talk to them directly. I do this for three reasons: 1. we're not usually home at the same time, or when we are we often have people over, so if I wait to talk to them in person when they're not busy with friends/boyfriends, I'd be waiting for days. A note is more convenient. In every rooming situation I've been in we've used notes mutually a lot to great affect; I only yesterday found out *these* roommates hate notes. 2. I often don't know *who* the note is addressed to. I don't know *whose* dishes are in the sink, I just know they've been there for days. 3. It's 3 against 1 and if it turns into a big argument I don't want to get ganged up on. I haven't left a lot of notes; last semester at the start of the semester when they were moving in and I was gone from 6am-12am every day, I left about three notes. The note I left above the sink this weekend is the only other note I've left. Otherwise I've talked to them in person or handled it myself (if both sides of the sink are full I'll consolidate it to one side so it's still usable, if they leave stuff in the dryer for a long time I'll take it out, if they leave trash in the living room I'll throw it out, etc.)
Anyway, two weeks ago my roommates we're all hanging out playing loud music and shouting and shrieking at about 1am. I was trying to sleep, so I peaked out my door and asked them to turn the music down. They immediately fell silent and disappeared into their rooms.
On Saturday, I was going out of town for the day, but they had been cooking a lot the last few days and our entire kitchen sink was full of their dirty pots and pans, so I left a note asking them to clean them.
Saturday night, it was 1am again and they came home *trashed*. They were loud, one of them was sobbing, they brought like five different people with them (one of whom straight up opened my door and walked into my room, but I'm not blaming my roommates for that.) Since one of them was crying, I decided to bite my tongue and try to sleep through the noise. By 5am however they started blasting music, so I got up and went and asked them to either turn down the music or shut their doors. They all just stared at me. I went back to bed, and they shut their doors.
Sunday morning however, I was in bed and they were all in the kitchen with some of their friends. The walls and doors are paper thin, so I can hear them talking, and I realize they're talking about me. Their complaints:
1. First and foremost, that I ruin their vibe. Because I ask them to turn down their music late at night, because I ask them to not smoke weed in the apartment. They think that by doing so I am not respecting the fact that they also live here, we pay the same rent, etc.
2. They don't think I clean enough. Specifically on the topic of dishes, they complained that "we have to clean his dishes all the time, we've been cleaning his dishes like every day." This isn't true. It's just not. For one, I haven't eaten in two weeks, I'm sick, I don't have any dishes. For two, I put my dishes in the dishwasher as soon as I use them, and if I do have to soak a dish first, at the very least I only leave it a couple hours and don't take up both sides of the sink. They also argue I never clean because I don't sweep and they are the only ones who sweep. This is true. I argue they never clean because they don't wipe down counters, leave food caked in the microwave, they leave their shoes all over the entryway, etc. I'm the only one who cleans up that stuff.
Those are the big broad arguments. I kill their vibe and I don't clean. I think they're inconsiderate and they don't clean.
They hate my notes. But now they pace around in the kitchen going " I can't wait til he comes out of his room, I'm gonna get all up in his face, I'm gonna go off..." I don't feel comfortable or safe talking to them in person if they're just all going to surround me and yell at me.
One of my biggest issues is that *I didn't know these were issues.* Whenever they've left dishes in the sink for a long time, or clothes in the washer/dryer a long time, or they're really loud late at night, any time I have a problem, I communicate it. They have never communicated with me. Whenever they talk to me, they tell me how much they love me, how glad they are to have me as a roommate. They join me watching a movie and go on about how we need to hang out more, whatever. If I ask them, like, "do you mind that I keep having this friend over and we're watching the TV, I don't want to be hogging the space" or whatever, they always tell me it's fine. They bitch about me leaving notes, but they have *never* communicated to me in *any* fashion the problems that they have with me. Everything I know, I know from overhearing them with their friends.
There's just a lot going on at once, and I can't even process it. Am I the bad guy? Should I let them smoke weed in the apartment and have parties at 5am? Is it wrong of me to leave notes?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
36yiGGd4uty6GCbr24wYsCGqjdeJY8Iq
|
afp0wr
|
{
"description": "not really caring that mums in hospital... again",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not really caring that mums in hospital... again
|
Im glad she put herself there actually instead of waiting till she needed an ambulance like last time.
Shes got liver disease (dont drink kids, screws you over later in life) after 20+ years of being a raging alcoholic. She thinks its only been 10 years (because thats any better) but when your 21 yr old daughters first memory of you is you holding a JD in one hand and a Long Beach ciggarette in the other (can recognise the brand by scent even after all these years) you start to wonder. Not to mention im starting to find out shed started to get into the heavier drugs when i was 3 (she left when i was 5).
Shes still drinking. Says theres no point trying anymore cause shes gonna die anyway (personally id rather die knowing i tried but if she wants to be miserable thats on her i guess).
Its her liver. If she would give it the chance, itll recover, she is actually amazingly healthy for someone who refuses to see a doctor about anything.
Hemmoraghing blood? Ill just wear more pads (her actual response when this happened. A year later she got her uterus removed after 13 years of severe cramping daily)
She wants me to be supportive of her but i cant. She did this to herself. She is doing NOTHING to help herself, she thinks i should be proud shes trying to get better right now so we can all go to the zoo together but im not. Because i learned long ago to never get my hopes up with her. Forget everything she promises imediately after she makes the promise or youre gonna be dissapointed.
I cant be proud of her i cant be supportive the most i can do is yell at her because i cant think of any other way to get through to her that shes only hurting everyone around her. But of course shes got my stepdad as her fucking echo chamber because hes the biggest pussy on the planet.
She wants to die. Shes using this as an excuse to die. Im not making that assumption this is what she actually told me.
Ever since we reconnected 5 years ago i have been her shoulder. Shes my mother, she has never EVER been an adult i could turn to and suddenly im expected to be the adult.
Fuck her.
Even if i could get to the hospital easily i probably still wouldnt visit. Her first stint in there i did, and i had to deal with her icu delusion. (there was a mass shooting and a house in the ceiling according to mum (she was hallucinating), she also had bruises on her wrists that looked like shed had to be held down at one point) but i wont do that again.
Shes never done anything for me. She blames my brother for everything wrong in her life as if he ever asked to be born, but im the angel because i was the baby they wanted. We didnt even get fed as kids unless we were at dads house.
This isnt nearly the full story but its already longer than it needs to be so...
......
TLDR mums back in hospital for liver disease after 20+ years drinking, says she wants to die anyway.
AITA for not really caring that shes dying.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
CEj8Y0jtQBUG0suSJWNlet2Kp2tMQ2lH
|
axvq56
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be friends with my ex",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be friends with my ex
|
My ex husband and I were married for 10 years and divorced about 4 years ago. We have a 9 year old that we co-parent.
The issue is that he wants to friends and I don't. I'm always nice, exchange pleasantries but I don't get involved with his personal life, I don't ask because I don't care. When he asks about our kid, I respond and I keep in the loop on school, softball, etc. I don't hate him or anything, I just don't care.
However, he calls me once a week and wants to talk, when I pick up our child, he wants to talk. He wants to talk about his life, his hobbies, his girlfriend, work, stuff you would talk to your friends about.The problem is that I don't care. I don't talk about my life to him at all, although he tries to pry.
A friend recently told me that I was being rude and that I was responsible for being friends with him for the sake of our child.
I don't think I am. I feel like I'm not required to be friends with him.
Seriously, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
aTAcK79d2rzEOZJLzaCf8oSG6LOJvlES
|
ba8jpv
|
{
"description": "calling my stepfather 'daddy' instead of 'dad' to purposefully make him uncomfortable",
"pronormative_score": 35,
"contranormative_score": 58
}
|
AITA for calling my stepfather 'daddy' instead of 'dad' to purposefully make him uncomfortable?
|
I'm 16 and loathe my stepfather, he literally lays on the couch all day and mooches of my mother. At first we were content with pretending the other doesn't exist, we just interacted with my mother really. But then something clicked in his head and he wants to be an active part of my life and wants me to call him 'dad'. I thought he was joking because we literally never talk in the first place but he was serious. My mother, like every time a conflict between him and I happens, refuses to choose a side. He wouldn't let up and kept referring to me as "young lady" so I decided to double down and start calling him daddy.
&#x200B;
A) I'm 16 not a baby, I realize that, the point is to make him uncomfortable.
B) I'm not stupid I know it carries a sexual meaning too, which makes this even worse (better for me?)
&#x200B;
Honestly my goal here is to make him uncomfortable to the point where he'll drop it. So far he's disgruntled. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
4SwkK6ijENtNaFJ4QpZn3Prx4UAK3mqc
|
b9d1fj
| null |
AITA for the "insensitive" sticker I have on my gun?
|
I like guns, and I have a near obsession with history. Going to the shooting range is a hobby of mine and I go ever so often to shoot the more "historical" guns that I have.
Due to my obsession with history, I too obsess over the history of my guns. One of these guns is a Mosin Nagant, the first "historical" gun I purchased. This Russian gun was made in Tula sometime during WWII according to the insignia on it. Jokingly, I put a "[This Machine Kills Fascists](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/This_machine_kills_fascists)" sticker on the stock because considering the context and history of the rifle (and the quote) it may or may not have partaken in such an action. I'd usually be against stuff like this on an antique, but its just a sticker that can be peeled off easily and I have another (completely unmodified) Mosin from the same era and the same factory. Also, Mosins are a dime a dozen (relatively speaking, compared to other guns).
The other day my friends and I went to the shooting range and I brought it along. While we were there, someone came up to us and said the sticker is insensitive/offensive and trashy. I basically told him that the rifle indeed may have killed fascists a long time ago but now its just shoots paper and not people, in the same vein as many other historical firearms (especially from WWII). He told me that's true but the sticker almost implies that I'd use it to kill other people, and it's no different from putting "This machine kills (Any other ideology/group/etc)." I felt this was a really shitty comparison and told him that the phrase isn't some modern invention but goes back to WWII just like the rifle (it was actually coined by the same dude that wrote "My Land is Your Land").
We agreed to disagree, and by that time we had already been packing up so we left. My friends sided with me on the whole discussion, but I can't help feel that maybe it *is* kinda trashy. I never meant the sticker to refer to the modern political climate, and in my head it's always referred to the actual Nazis/fascists in WWII just like the quote originally does. AITA?
&#x200B;
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
45PKs35O1GuJm0fXCMkICsjXLd3n1Zaa
|
9uzt3x
|
{
"description": "asking for more money after an agreement has been reached",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for asking for more money after an agreement has been reached?
|
About 6 months ago, I was selling a camera lens on Facebook Marketplace. I initially listed it for $50, and no takers after a week. After lowering the price to $40, after several days, I had over 20 people reach out. The first guy who did seemed nice, and we agreed at $40. One of the people who reached out later offered $45. I came back to the first guy and asked him if he was willing to pay $45 for it. He begrudgingly agreed, but then later changed his mind and called me "rude and immature for going back on my word, and he hoped one day when I'm older I would honor my agreements." I ended up selling to the guy who offered $45.
For context, I am 23 and the guy, at least according to his profile pic, looked well over 50, maybe 60. I've been conflicted about this and not sure if I made the right move. I gave him the opportunity to match the offer, but he called me out for dishonoring our agreement.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
VItJdJoNfsAWH8GvunCSEdq5pPBvYDVQ
|
ad7aow
| null |
AITA? Girlfriend hates my best friend and I don't want to take sides.
|
I’ve been with my girlfriend for two and a half years. We are having problems, and most of those problems are beyond our control (not having enough time with each other due to the overwhelming complexities of life, and the stress that comes with that). My best friend I have known since high school, about 15+ years. Our friendship is the type where we don’t get too deep with each other, but we have had tender moments in the past where we’ve shared personal things with each other and he’s always had my back and I’ve had his.
&#x200B;
I meet my girlfriend and our relationship develops far from where I’m from. We were long distance for a while but not so long distance to where we can’t see each other on weekends. We don’t really develop our relationship in the area I am originally from because my roommate was a little crazy and didn’t want overnight guests, but the rent is cheap and I don’t want to move out right away. So I spend more of my time about an hour away in my girlfriends area (about an hour drive away). It takes a while for me to introduce her to my friends.
&#x200B;
I eventually move to my girlfriend’s area but I’m also feeling unhappy because I’m not really seeing my own friends as often anymore due to the distance, wanting to balance the time with my girlfriend, and also not really knowing how to make new friends in the area. One day I get the chance to introduce her to different friends of mine at first. I’ve known one girl and her husband for about 12 years (I met this girl at one of my first jobs) and they all get along with my girlfriend. My girlfriend really likes them. It wasn’t until yesterday that I introduce her to my best friend from high school because both of them are busy people, since he was in school (college), my girlfriend was in school (college), and my friend had the time and offered to come out and make the drive to hang out for the afternoon.
&#x200B;
I know it sucks that it has taken this long to introduce her to my friends, but I didn’t really want to overwhelm my grad school girlfriend because of how much time she has to invest into her course load. I realize that maybe I should have made more effort in introducing them sooner. Either way, my friend comes out and everything is going fine at first. Then we go to a nearby place for some drinks and chat. At one point I had to go home and grab something (I forgot to bring something with me), but it was close by and would only take 15 minutes. Girlfriend and my friend seem to be having a good time and my girlfriend says it’s okay to go home really quick, she's enjoying her time, so I leave and come back.
&#x200B;
When I get back everything seems to be okay. I thought it was cool that they were bonding. Girlfriend orders some food, and my friend orders another beer. We hang out for another hour or two and my friend is talking about our past, how we met each other, all the things we would used to do together, etc. We finish our drinks/food and decide to go back to our place to wrap things up as my friend was planning on leaving in another hour and a half to see some other friends. When we get back we talk about his dad a little bit (his dad is not having the greatest time) and my girlfriend excuses herself.
&#x200B;
About a half hour later my friend decides he needs to go, which is fine because the weather was starting to get a little bad, and it was starting to get dark. He has a long trip home and I understand. Me and my girlfriend say goodbye to him and he goes on his way.
&#x200B;
So immediately after he left, she goes on and on about how she was so glad it was finally over. I was confused about all of this because she had mentioned earlier in the day that she liked him. They seemed to be getting along too. Then she goes into a long rant about how narcissistic and self-absorbed he is, and that she thought I should reevaluate my friendship with him because of it. She is completely angry at this point, and she’s getting even more upset at my reaction to all of this. I literally couldn’t believe she was that upset.
&#x200B;
She told me she couldn’t stand how much he was talking about himself and his career, and she was offended that he asked nothing about her. I do understand why she would be upset about that, but I still stand my ground and say that she can’t make complete assumptions about his character after only knowing him for about four hours. She says she doesn’t think he’s all that great of a person, and I reiterate that he has been there for me in some of my darkest times. At this point she’s yelling, rolling her eyes, and telling me I’m invalidating her feelings in the matter. I’m really just trying to defend my friendship.
&#x200B;
She once again yells about how she was offended that he asked nothing about herself when she was asking him questions. She feels as if the reciprocation is not there and once again questions why I would be friends with someone like that. We are going in circles at this point and I’m once again telling her that she’s getting the wrong impression, that he’s not a bad person, that I thought four hours was not enough time for her to come to that conclusion, and she’s getting angrier at me. At this point I decide to leave, because I’m in complete shock, uncomfortable with how sudden and strong the anger is, and basically acts like a total asshole as I’m leaving. That I’m taking his side and all of that.
&#x200B;
A little bit of a background: my girlfriend doesn’t really have friends. I’ve met people she used to be friends with at her previous work, and while there were a couple of them I didn’t necessarily like all that much (I was not really all that compatible with them), I still thought they were okay people. She has since devalued those friendships and says she doesn’t really like them. I met another group of friends she had from a longer time ago and I actually liked them, but she said she doesn’t really like spending a lot of time with them because they are draining. So she avoids those friendships too and only sees them when 'she has the energy for it.' For the past year the only people she spends time with is me and people she has an acquaintanceship with in her grad program. She will hang out with new people, find something not to like, complain about them, and then she decides she doesn’t like them. I’m not really sure if she likes anyone, and I’m starting to think she doesn’t really like me either.
&#x200B;
She’s suffering from anxiety and depression, and is overwhelmed with her program. I wonder if this is in response to stress related to that, and I’m trying to be empathetic towards her but having a hard time due to the shock of her response. A part of me feels like I’m the asshole because I didn’t take her side against my friend, maybe I could have handled it differently instead of leaving, but I like my friend and feel as if she’s misunderstanding him. I don’t think she’s wrong in not liking him, she doesn’t have to like everyone I’m friends with, I just think she’s wrong in demanding I completely reevaluate the friendship in an instant. She seems to hate me now for taking his side.
&#x200B;
I have not told my friend what has happened yet. He texted me a while ago saying he had a good time and enjoyed meeting my girlfriend (that he thought she was cool.) I just don’t have the heart to tell him that he drove an hour out of the way to meet someone that hates him.
&#x200B;
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
ZAgCDUvDBqc26Bf6EklAIntg96rllRM0
|
auckbi
|
{
"description": "insulting my religious dad",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for insulting my religious Dad?
|
I (17m) recently had a big fight with Dad about him forcing his religion on the entire family. I have been atheist for almost 2 years now, but I kept it a secret because both my parents are very religious. It wasn't a problem until recently when I started working part time (also a HS student).
Before I started working, I simply went to Mass since I would have the whole day to rest, go out in the afternoon, and get my schoolwork done. Now, I work weekend afternoons (I start at around 2) and mornings is when I get my schoolwork and volunteering done. I really cannot afford to lose 2 hours of my morning time, it really sets me back.
I tried to tell them respectfully that I did not wish to attend Mass anymore, but they would not listen and still force me to go. I tried so many time, every Sunday for 2 months, that they have he right to believe what they want, but so do I. But nothing worked :(
And then came this morning. I have a lot of schoolwork at the moment and I'm applying to this summer program across the country, so I have spent a lot of time on my application. I've been in the zone typing my essay for about an hour when my Dad walks into my room and tells me to get ready for Mass in 10 minutes. I tell him I don't want to go, he tells me he's not asking blah blah blah just like every Sunday. Finally he shouts at me (for the first time in our arguments, they had been somewhat civil in the past) and tells me he"ll throw away my new computer, which I bought, with my money.
I say nothing and don't move, he reaches for my laptop and I just snap. I move my computer away and just start screaming that I'm done with his BS and I how I really feel, that I haven't prayed once in 2 years and I just lose it. I then took my anger out on his beliefs. I point out the flaws, hypocrisy in the church, the molestation problem, the nonsense and homophobia and blah blah blah.
Later he comes and tells me he's expects me to apologize to him or he'll take away all my electronics and that tomorrow he's taking me to confession to "apologize" to God.
So AITA for what I said? Did I take things too far? Should I apologize?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"OTHER": 24,
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
CAdQ1uzARLcloxCdyLmTlxdlkGAZab8t
|
akgpjg
|
{
"description": "wanting my girlfriend to be allowed to hang out in my dorm",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA- For wanting my girlfriend to be allowed to hang out in my dorm?
|
So my gf and I are in our second year of college. I’m a transfer student and she’s not so our dorms are different. Her room is a single 2 person bedroom with a shared bathroom. My dorm is more like an apartment, me and 3 other girls share a kitchen and living space and 2 bathrooms, but we each have our own bedrooms with full sized beds. Because of this my gf is more often over at my place. We’re both private people and we don’t go out much, just hanging out in my bedroom works best for us.
Originally I wanted to get to know my roommates so we would hang out in the common areas to try and socialize more, but my roommates told me that this made them uncomfortable because they felt like they invaded our “couple’s space” whatever that means. So now when she comes over we stay in my bedroom away from everyone else. We keep to ourselves, keep quiet, and clean up after ourselves if we do go into the kitchen or something. This has been working fine for 4 months or so now, or so I thought.
We just got back from winter break and my roommates called a meeting last night. Basically they don’t want my gf in the dorm AT ALL anymore. One girl even had her dad call the head of housing to talk about a restraining order. This is the first they have mentioned of not being happy with the situation and personally I feel attacked. I told them this is my room too and if I want my girlfriend in my bedroom then I’m going to have her there. They already banished her from the kitchen and living room, they’re not banning her from MY bedroom.
They are now threatening to go forward with the restraining order. Am I wrong here? Should I be paying more attention to what they want? I just feel like they don’t have a right to just decide without even really consulting me that my gf doesn’t belong in the dorm???
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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35gkrzLkECqhUM0PJsCAdYPz8A9cWtBm
|
ancqlm
|
{
"description": "getting blocked on social media after the third date",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting blocked on social media after the third date?
|
So I (F21) matched with this cute dude (M23) on a dating app and we kinda hit off. We spoke for a bit and decided to meet up, the first date was random but really cute. I found him quite good looking which is why I was quite fidgety throughout the date. He noticed but said he found it cute. At the end of the date, we just hugged and went out separate ways promising a second date. The second date was a few days later, we met for a quick lunch on a weekend. Quick because I had plans afterward. It was quite nice too and I walked him home before I went back to work.
Finally comes the third date, I invited him for theatre (I knew he likes theatre but I really don't have any interest in it, didn't mind watching a show for him though) Unfortunately we missed the show but had a nice time exploring art galleries nearby. We went to grab a bite later and walked around for a bit. I dropped him off and went home. Once I reached home I saw his message saying we shouldn't see each other again because we didn't click the way he wanted us to. I was confused but totally cool with it. Then I noticed that he has blocked me on Instagram? I thought about and maybe it was the fact that I didn't make a move? Quite honestly, I had a terrible cold on the third date and hence didn't "lean in" But it is the blocking part that caught me off-guard. Is that normal or am I weird to think that it is an immature thing to do?
But AITA here for not making the move which is why I was blocked?
&#x200B;
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
fu4dW3jsEPZquXlXDc0ck18CNTewkk5T
|
b2aflr
|
{
"description": "being slow to be affectionate to wife after getting back together",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being slow to be affectionate to wife after getting back together
|
I will try to keep it short while getting the full story. Married about 9 years to only woman I ever loved. 3 years ago she complained that I was no longer affectionate to her and never was really romantic. I didn't desagree and tried to make improvements but we would get into a cycle of me being really affectionate for a few weeks or months and then it tapers of and she gets upset and I say sorry and start again etc etc.
I am a pretty reserved guy so I know I don't consciously mean to show less affection but I believe her when she says I do. Fyi this does not mean I ignore her i think it is more the compliments on looks and sensuality towards her that becomes an issue.
So 2 years ago I found that she cheated on me once with a random guy. I threaten to leave she begs me to stay and we get marriage counseling. We do this for about 1.5 years and I really see that she wants to be with me and after many months of counseling we start to groove really well and it's great. Then seemingly about 5 months ago she says she cant do it and doesn't feel any romantic love to me. She wants to try a separation, I say ok and we physically separate for 2 months. She then said that it is her issues that she needs to solve and no longer blames me and promises that she wants only me and that she will be more understanding.
Ok we get back together but I am really hurt and show little affection and have sex maybe once on the weekends but it is awkward and mechanical. But still i slowly open up and feel more comfortable and better, because she seems totally cool with me taking my time and letting me be me. And she really shows lots of love and tenderness to me. But of course my affection is nothing near that which it was even before we had trouble together!
And then last night she freaks out and asks me why I don't show more affection. More lusting after her, more sexy talk, more passion in foreplay, more of everything. Like she really freaks out, even throwing things.
She has been very loving to me in the past months and on a friendship level we get along very well. But the intimacy is shattered in my view and I want her to be patient while I see the good in her instead of painful memories. AITA for taking this long?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ZJiY20DTzKtm9Y7YB954bjdAgjE37n1c
|
arskny
|
{
"description": "wanting enforced boundaries between my SO and Mother in law",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For wanting enforced boundaries between my SO and Mother in law
|
Before I met my SO, him and his mother were extremely close to a very unhealthy extent. It was actual a cause of bad blood in his previous two relationships but I did not come to find that out until later.
She would go with him everywhere, to run errands, to dinner, like every single day. He wouldn’t go almost anywhere alone. She did his bills for him and at one point even paid them instead of telling him that he needed to get a job. She would kiss him, hug him and constantly say how handsome and he is in front of his friends and in front of superiors in his volunteer position which she also started volunteering at. He would call her to bitch about our relationship instead of actually coming and talking to me and working on things. Of course she would tell him that he deserved better and I needed to ‘get my shit together’. I have seen some of the messages and said something and especially most recently heard her tell him that I AM not healthy for him.
He had a rude awaking this past year and I told him boundaries needed to be applied and I was done being in a relationship between him and his mother. He tried to set boundaries and she acted like he was trying to kill her. It was ridiculous and pathetic, she turned to me to try to talk sh*t instead of just going to him to say how she felt. He asked her to go to counseling and she used the whole 2 sessions to make her therapist believe that he was bipolar (which is he far from) and refused to do a session with him so he could speak.
Friday I went out of town to visit a sick family member. She messaged me about a house that we could all live in ( I think she was kidding, hopefully ) I played it off like a joke and I told her that I was out of town. Not even 5 minutes after she messaged him about going to lunch the next day or today. I am honestly pissed because I feel like she’s taking advantage of me being away to see my sick family member as a way to sneak back in and ‘fill me spot’ or ‘ take it back’ while I am not there. I don’t trust her and I am having a hard time trusting him because I feel like he’s starting to let the boundaries with her go to the way side. She even sent him a picture today with quotes about him always being her baby boy and super sappy love crap. Needles to say I flipped out on the situation and vented to him and told him to handle it.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
DyCr7VEygh2vvV70NjaWcBBrlNz7BARm
|
aa5l17
|
{
"description": "living my life following another ethnic culture",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA If I live my life following another ethnic culture?
|
I know the title sounds bad. But basically, I am Chinese American. I hate my culture. I have tried to give it many chances but I seriously just hate it. I was forced to live it as a kid despite hating it and I grew up loathing it so much. My parents forced me to do so much Chinese ethnic stuff that it completely turned my mind off from my culture as an adult.
But I don’t fit with an American culture either. Because I was so silo’d into the Chinese culture, I never had American friends. Sure I was part of the culture growing up but never really had friends outside of Asians. And that’s okay, but it kinda put me in a position where I just don’t have an identifying culture.
But I’ve always been mesmerized by culture. Hawaiian culture is one of my favorites, for example. I see how they’re so family oriented and nature oriented and I wish I was a part of it.
It won’t happen any time soon but it’s always been a secret dream of mine to go and “become” Hawaiian or another similar culture. I know that sounds ridiculous and please don’t call this a shitpost because this is absolutely a serious concern for me.
I see so many people saying how it’s fucking gross and disgusting how people pretend to be another culture and how appropriation is bad. I just want to fit into a culture I love. And unfortunately after decades of trying I have not ever liked my own.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
ZSGibd9GaoU5okPKQzNgVVP38OazDPT2
|
azepsh
|
{
"description": "getting pissed at my ex gf for lying",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for getting pissed at my ex gf for lying
|
Now a little background. I dated this girl (who we’ll call M). Now M seemed like a cute girl at first, loved video games and anime (a big plus for me), and we shared a lot in common. Now we dated for a month, but damn it was passionate while it lasted...and then she broke up me...I was broken. Her reason? She said “I don’t feel mature enough for a bf, I wanna wait till I’m 18” And my dumbass self just trusted her.
Fast forward a little bit later, I’ve recovered and actually started dated one of her friends (who I’m still with to this day) and then one I see her. Normally I’d ignore it but she was holding someone’s hand, they were all affectionate and shit. Then one of my friends told me they kissed. This...pissed me off. I felt lied and used.
Now anyways, a normal person would just move on right? Nope not my dumbass self. I wanted to confront her. Now I did it privately with her right? Nope, I went off on her in a group chat with my cousin and M’s friends. I called a “bitch” and other things. And then we argued for a bit.
Now we haven’t talked to each other in over a year.
I do ask, am I in the wrong here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
ESIjXdIN8k1E8iADwh9TukiPnaX4DPFP
|
b7obv1
|
{
"description": "not attending a friend's wedding a couple years ago",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not attending a friend’s wedding a couple years ago?
|
Back in May of 2017 I had a friend who met someone and started dating them within a couple weeks. One month after that they got engaged. Their wedding was set for September. But the Bride to be, the “friend”, wanted it moved to the weekend of August 19. It took place in Boise, Idaho. She had invited me, but I had my own plans. Plans that was 10 years in the making and came to fruition two days later (August 21, 2017). The day of the solar eclipse.
I live in Florida; the friendship was through social media. In 2007 I learned about the 2017 eclipse and made the promise I would go see it on the path of totality. I even became a truck driver just to have that opportunity. The plan was to fly to Springfield, Missouri and drive to St. Joseph. Weather wasn’t looking good for St. Joseph when I checked the day before, so I changed plans and drove overnight via rental car all the way to Kentucky. All of that succeeded. 10 year promise fulfilled.
Until the friend door slammed on me. She said I was invited to her wedding, and I was the one guest she wanted to come no matter what. She claimed to have moved the date so friends and family could see the eclipse on the same weekend as the wedding. I told her why I couldn’t come to Boise that weekend even if I wanted to: two months before the eclipse, airline flights, hotels, and rental cars were booked and unavailable in Boise, Salt Lake City, and Denver, not to mention any regional airport in the area. There was no possibility I could get there that weekend. This resulted in a HUGE fight since she thinks I was being selfish for choosing the eclipse over her wedding, saying “there will be more eclipses. I’m only getting married once!” So for months she would say to mutual friends I refused to attend her wedding because she didn’t mean anything to me, because I chose a selfish ambition instead of being there for a friend. Like if I’m not the one getting married, why does my presence mean so much? I sent her my blessings and well wishes, but i said she chose to have the wedding on the same weekend as the biggest celestial event in modern American history. She knew I had planned on seeing the eclipse for 10 years, 8 more years than how many I knew her. But apparently it was selfish of me to choose to see the eclipse from another state.
So our friendship ended because she thinks I was too selfish to skip her wedding.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
fBnDnMARQzcLyyVWXzf28dMBZaXamXTj
|
ant3wu
|
{
"description": "downvoting ads on Reddit",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for downvoting ads on Reddit?
|
I'm just curious. I know that everyone hates ads, but is it an asshole move to downvote ads on Reddit?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ILfyITaNnrGjsnYldJIlJUqDqtRcQjWn
|
atjpr5
|
{
"description": "hating the security guard's morning commentary on what day it is",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA for hating the security guard's morning commentary on what day it is?
|
I started working in a new office building and have noticed a pretty annoying (to me) trend in morning banter with the daily security guard.
I'll preface this by saying it is a relatively small/new office building, so there are not that many people in and out yet, and thus interaction is a 100% certainty every morning. I am by no means an introvert so I don't mind morning pleasantries. I do however, get annoyed by dumb things.
What annoys me in this situation is this security guard's affinity to EVERY MORNING mention what day it is and comment on it. For example:
Monday - Ahhhhh. Mondays! How did we get here??? So far from Friday!!!
Tuesday - Well, another day closer but still very far. What a long week!!!
Wednesday - Happy Hump Day! We're turning the corner. Almost there!
Thursday - We're really close to Friday now, can you believe it?!!
Friday - WE FINALLY MADE IT. How about that??? It's Friday!!!
This is the worst of the worst of useless office banter to me. I don't love work or my job, but I don't hate it enough to comment on how I want this week to end every day, without fail. I guess I feel like the asshole because this lady is super nice, but I find this annoying and I am about to break it to her.
Also she tends to always hold the door for me? Which was great when I moved in an my hands were full, but now I feel weird because I don't really need her to do that.
But hey, maybe I am the asshole.
&#x200B;
TL,DR
Security guard comments on what day it is every morning, without fail, and it fucking annoys me.
&#x200B;
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
7p0wK111JflNa1jVUfTdBl3E03bQv4aT
|
ak1rvk
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my boyfriend for being too gentle during sex",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 33
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my boyfriend for being too gentle during sex? (nsfw)
|
I (21F) and my boyfriend (26M) have been dating for a few months and have been having sex regularly. We talked beforehand about our likes and dislikes, and I told him that I don’t like sex to feel too gentle or passionate and that it makes me uncomfortable. I know it’s strange but I was in an abusive relationship before and I’ve found that when I have rough sex I can sort of let go and have fun but when it’s gentle and about connection I get all in my head and I get really uncomfortable and I hate it.
Last night we were gearing up to have sex, and he said he wanted to have “normal” sex, and when I asked what he meant he started kissing my body a lot which I didn’t really like. I told him I didn’t like it and he stopped but he kept trying to do cutesy things like playing with my hair and chaste kisses and stuff, and I got mad at him and told him to stop. I didn’t really say much I just put my clothes on and left.
I haven’t answered his messages today. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 33
}
|
WRONG
|
oQRScTth7QTC6FeDknGQ84AeBLs7h5ZM
|
adxbpj
|
{
"description": "selling something to a friend I got for free",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for selling something to a friend I got for free
|
Say I got a $500 item for free, after a year I wanted to get rid of it. Am I the asshole for offering it to my friends for $150 instead of selling it to a stranger for double that?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
YYFpQMS12k9VwH0STdIGBXixYXZRjE0L
|
ad22an
|
{
"description": "telling my (sensitive) obese friend to lose weight and change his lifestyle",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
WIBTA if i told my (sensitive) obese friend to lose weight and change his lifestyle?
|
Hey everyone. My friend has been overeating and not exercising at all for years now. I really want to tell him to start exercising before his health conditions get worse, but he's very sensitive about the whole topic. Everytime someone raises the issue (privately, not in front of others), he acts like the victim and says he will do what he wants.
The thing is, he subscribes to various health subreddits, and likes reading up on different diets/workouts. So i think deep down wants to get fitter, but just doesnt have the motivation.
Yet, when someone raises it up, he throws a tantrum and claims everyone is against him.
So will i be the asshole if i raise it up with him? And how should i go about doing it since he's so sensitive about it?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
Dklp1vc2TnRHDVi1XMrhvYqttmYLz3aF
|
a27vuy
|
{
"description": "secretly thinking this about my best friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA if I secretly think this about my best friend?
|
My life long friend who I spend lots of time with and value more than most of my family, I've recently been having reoccurring thoughts plaguing me about me and their interactions.
First of all, I feel our beliefs or maturity don't line up as of recently. One of my favourite things about our friendship is that I can talk to her about anything and everything and know even if she doesn't agree she will respect what I'm saying. However, as of recently, there are certain topics she avoids like the plague. Especially topics relating to reality.
As we are both studying discussions about what we will do after we finish our courses are bound to come up often. Which she is fine with, unless i give my opinion. I'm a pretty realistic person and I care about her a lot so I like to make things clear to her - especially with big decisions - factors she hasn't considered, I see it as being a good friend and have good intentions. To give an example say she said " I want to be a forensic scientist because I like the idea of solving murders" and I replied by making her aware that forensic scientist's find evidence on corpse's but are never involved in solving, and I doubt get to know much about the usually classified investigation. Her response to something like this would to be cover her ears, say something like "ah, ah" just so she cant here me, or she once literally said : "let me live in my fantasy". she also often goes quiet in group situations and glum and may even get teary eyed.
She means so much to me that her being upset, upsets me too, and I feel instantly guilty for unintentionally upsetting her. But I'm also worried, it can't be healthy to choose to live in a fantasy over important decisions like career? I often avoid commenting on topics I know she finds sensitive (there are others besides career) and let her just talk at me. But I don;t enjoy it. I feel like I'm changing my personality around the person I see as the one I'm normally the most comfortable with.
She often makes off hand comments about me being too negative, when what I'm saying, to me, I don't see as negative -just an observation. I don't complain a lot and I don't normally get bothered very easily unless something is repeated again and again. The comments she makes about me being negative she knows hurt me as I've expressed before that I sometimes can't enjoy things that other people love but love things that other people don't care about; making me concerned about whether my attitude to things is 'normal' or not. When I opened up to her about these things she reassured me that I'm a very creative thinker and everyone has different taste - some more than others. yet the comments on my negative self continue over things like; "It might rain" (which i dont think is super negative)
Another thing she does a lot that has been bothering me, is she gets annoyed or stressed about something and projects it on me. Like she will be stressed at a situation for about half an hour then when I talk to her she is much more irritated and also is more likely to fault me - she then later apologises for being that way. So she is aware about an hour later of her unfairness but she has done this so many times and increasingly often. So I am hearing the apologies again after having to walk on egg shells around her annoyed self knowing it's definitely not the last time that week that it will happen.
It's making me feel more distanced from her because I can't relate to her choices of ignoring reality and I feel I can't express what I want anymore.
Am i an Asshole for being so judgemental? am i over thinking things or being over sensitive? I know talking to her is an option but I feel like it would be a personal attack on her and she would also want to keep living in her "fantasy".
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
A6wSq73yJfKfgHzsDvrH9DZb0thgv7B2
|
arws18
|
{
"description": "wanting to break up with my bf over a difference in sleep schedules",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to break up with my bf over a difference in sleep schedules?
|
My boyfriend \[21\] and I \[20\] have been together for nearly a year and a half, and I love him to pieces. We've always gotten along well with each other, but recently things have gotten rockier than usual. Throughout our entire relationship, he has had an issue with punctuality, often leading us to change plans or postpone things at my inconvenience. Since we first began dating, he has also had a sleep schedule much different than mine: he'd frequently go to bed at 3-4 am and wake up at noon, while I'd go to bed at 11 pm and wake up at 7 am. I've found this understandable in the past, as he was in the process of applying to graduate school and was quite busy/stressed for several months.
&#x200B;
However, it's been nearly a year since we've moved in together and, despite his schedule returning to normal, he now goes to bed at 6 am and wakes up at 2 pm. While before he was staying up to catch up with work, he now stays up to watch tv shows or play video games. This turns into a major inconvenience to me when he leaves the bedroom lights on until the early morning, making it difficult for me to fall asleep at night. I've spoken to him about this in the past, and he has agreed to turn off the lights and take his computer to a different room after midnight. However, for the last week, he's been back in the usual routine of going to bed at 6 and waking up at 2. Last night, he stayed up until 6 am talking loudly to a friend on the phone, causing me to lose several hours of sleep. After he was finally finished with his conversation, I had a brief talk with him about how I would like to move out if this continues. Once again, he has agreed to keep the lights off after midnight, but I don't know if I can take much more of this if it continues. I'm a university student and, in addition to classes, I work a part-time job, and I'm worried that if things don't change (as I suspect they won't), it is my future that will be affected. I can't stress how much he means to me, but I question if it is really worth continuing to date him if we only get to spend a 3-4 hours together each day (incl. weekends). AITA for wanting to break up with him over something as trivial as having a different lifestyle than me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
ddRV10DJ5FYw0Bz2A6wMvbo0jZGT3b4R
|
acrtv1
|
{
"description": "not wanting my boyfriend to hang out with girl thats clearly trying to sleep with him",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
Aita because I dont want my boyfriend to hang out with girl thats clearly trying to sleep with him.
|
Long story short, he admits he thinks shes trying to get with him and last night she spent the night. I begged him not to share a bed with him, but he ignored me and did it anyway. He admitted she asked him to hold her and he did and she wiggled against him and pressed her ass against him. And hes enjoying it.
Were on a break. But this is still too much. He wants to hang out with her tonight, i asked him not to bring her over and he said he would go over to her place instead.
Am I the asshole for not wanting him to hang out with her for one night right after last night?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
T3BL3k6U0ahIgzGjlmn8cBz8o6Rdi0Wc
|
b3fmi1
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend that she shouldn't get a boob job",
"pronormative_score": 44,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend that she shouldn’t get a boob job.
|
My girlfriend is 20, I’m 23. We’ve been dating 3 years. She is absolutely gorgeous, very tall and skinny. She’s currently a 34B in terms of boob size and I think that’s just perfect.
However she thinks they are too small. She has savings from work and wants to get silicone implants. She wants to be a 34C or D. I think thats too drastic and have advised her against it, especially since she’s so young. Plus I read that if you get implants it might mess with breastfeeding in later life.
My Gf said “its my body” and said I cant tell her what to do. Which is true but I just dont think a boob job is the best idea.
AITA for saying so?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
jv80NHA3GwDDHxX5xtUZbswq0JpQqbbC
|
ago4ae
|
{
"description": "thinking a friendship is unhealthy",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Thinking A Friendship is Unhealthy?
|
First, I am sorry for my English. Here is the short story, and there is a TL:DR at the end.
I moved to a new country four years ago. The first two years were very hard - I worked sometimes three jobs at a time for low wages. During my second year I met my friend. He is am immigrant as well, but from a different country. I would hang out at his place every few months. I did not feel like were we friends at the time - our cultures are very different. He owned his own apartment and his girlfriend was over all the time and I did not know them well but they would fight alot and I would give him advice if he asked. She was a drinker and yelled so I told him he could do better so they broke up. That summer he traveled alot of holiday so he gave to me key to care for the place.
Year three we became better friends. I got a single job and could come over more often. But I moved to a city away so it takes an hour to travel between my city and his city. He would feed me very often in his kitchen and when I started the new job gave me some of his old professional clothes.
He started dating another girl. She was nice but also drank alot and would talk to me flirting when me friend would leave us alone together. Still she was nice. It was so she would come over Thursday and leave Monday at his apartment. He did not like this much but I do not know if he told her as he told me. She ended up cheating on him - he found out when her family was visiting. There was much drama but I was away at work for a month and missed it.
A few months later my brother died. My friend was away with work colleges but let me stay at his apartment so I could go to the airport. When I got back he let me stay at his place for a week when I was not working during that time because of bereavement. He started darting a few girls on and off - I do not know much at this time because I got a new job a did not visit for two months. I worked two jobs again, and I would come over afternoon on Saturday because of the bus table. I would either leave very late or the next day. I notice at this time he does not have friends beyond work. I worry I am his only friend.
The past three months he has been dating a girl from his home country. He told me before he had not done so because he does not like his home country and if he married a girl from there he would think they would move back. In November I was very tired working two jobs so I would stay over the night rather then taking the night bus. I went to my home country in December for the first time in years to see my family.
Two weeks ago the girl left my friend. He told me and I was very surprised. They seemed very happy. She had moved in with him and it was good. He said she was upset I was always at his house. I asked him if he was upset and he said no. He said my friendship is enough of a thing from me.
&#x200B;
I am concerned that I am not a good friend for this man. I do not have as much money so I cannot buy him things. I have offered to have him eat a meal at my place but he declines - he works late and the bus table is hard for him. I share a house and it is always full and he does not want to rest at my place.
&#x200B;
TL;DR I think I am taking advance of my immigrant friend with his space and food.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
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a6a438
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my bf because he made a harmless joke about me wanting to eat out on my own",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my bf because he made a harmless joke about me wanting to eat out on my own
|
As the title says, my bf and I was at the post office sending out some packages for reddit secret Santa.
I sent out my package about 10 minutes before while he picked up some last minute gifts and I waited to meet him at the post office.
We were waiting in line when I mentioned that I was hungry and will probably drop by a restaurant next door to eat after. He then said “You’re eating alone? That’s weird” I rolled my eyes and said “no it’s not” then walked off and said “Buy, I’m heading home”
I realized after that I was being petty by getting mad, but now he’s mad that I just left instead of telling him that wasn’t a nice thing to say... he thought it was harmless he “was just making fun of me” and not trying to be mean.
Now I feel like the asshole for just leaving.., but it was in the heat of the moment. I’m aware we sound like children too.. but AITA for being mad?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
i17vTn5vtlOMSrvpubSC8X48N0yw8kbX
|
a9wlbm
|
{
"description": "leaving the group of friends",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For leaving the group of friends
|
I am on my mobile, so formatting might be an issue.
In my undergrad, I had this group of a dozen friends, where everyone was really close. Being a person who gets close to only few people, I was close to 3 out of those people. There is a girl, X who was in the group and was liked by a guy Y, not in the group. Y and I started talking after they both had a fight (both of theirs fault, X made it public to the batch) and I consoled him, helped him with his exams and just life in general, often listening to him over 10 hours a day. For context, Y and I were always "shipped" together, but there wasn't anything involved. Also, I know X since childhood, went to same high school and stuff, but we weren't really friends but I was okay with her being in the group (and planning her b'day surprises and stuff). At end of sophomore year, I somehow found out, that at a particular time, X was really upset with me over something insignificant (she admits this) and was bitching about me to Y (one of the few times they talked in an year) and he joined in. It had a lot of hurtful stuff involved, such as, no one wants to be her friend, people just bear with her, she is a weirdo etc. She also around a week later proceeded to tell me how Y is way out of my league and I should be glad that they group even includes me etc.
My 3 closest friends in the group knew all of this. They refused to confront her, or talk to her about it. One out of these 3 was her close friend and I kinda understood her decision not to. Others didn't because then the group would have fallen apart. I tried to be with them when X wasn't around, but slowly, work took over and they stopped calling me. At the end of senior year, one of them tried being friends again, and I did too, but things were different.
It has been 3.5 years since then, but I can't stop wondering, was I wrong to expect my close friend to take a stand? Was I wrong in leaving the group?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
1nxBkCHLCDKydE5znWIPvQvYPvlP4cAm
|
b7fgn1
|
{
"description": "filing my taxes and getting my dad in trouble with the IRS",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for filing my taxes and getting my dad in trouble with the IRS
|
So a little background: my parents divorced when I was 13 and because my mom gets disability she was unable to file taxes and claim my sister and I.So my father would claim us and get the child tax and would give like a fraction of it to my mom. My dad hasn’t always been the best dad in ways of child support and supporting my sister and I.A few years ago my dad left the country and fell behind on his child support so his taxes last year were basically all given to my mom.
To the present: In 2018 I got my first job and my dad moved out of the state for work he would pay his required child support for my sister but since I turned 18 he hasn’t supported me in anyway. Most of my paycheck would go toward the support of my mom, who is disabled, and my younger sister who I have taken an active role in helping my mom raise her. So with my moms permission I claimed my mom and sister on my taxes to help our household. I told my dad at the beginning of the year I was filing and not to claim my sister and I but he went behind my back and filed anyways. So as I’m filing the federal taxes wouldn’t go through because he claimed me. I had to file through the mail and now he would be audited. What was really messed up though is he got all this money and didn’t even offer to give a penny of it to my mom or sister. Everyone I’ve talked to said that I’m not and my dads an A because he went behind my back but I just feel guilty because I love my dad.So AITA for filing for my taxes knowing my dad can go to prison and can get in a whole bunch of other trouble with the IRS.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
9rHxG9F465IE0wbCMQGhuh2GJBQ1HhCL
|
as9go6
|
{
"description": "telling my sister to stop crying during a movie",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For telling my sister to stop crying during a movie?
|
We're actually all adults so that makes this even sadder.
Me, my sister, my mom, and my best friend (also my sisters boyfriend) sat down to watch a movie.
We all like different things. My best friend likes blow em up action movies and/or fart comedy movies (dont ask), my mom likes rom coms and/or non supernatural thrillers, I like gritty dramas and slow burns, and my sister likes comedies and reality tv.
Finally I win out and we pick my movie, American Psycho. Its got drama for me, a little bit of action for my best friend, a thriller vibe for my mom, and some comedic bits for my sister.
I never get to pick movies and usually end up watching garbage adam sandler movies or crappy scream rip offs. Still im respectful and dont try to derail the movies and dont annoy people by playing on my phone. I try to engage with people and have a good time so i expected the same thing.
My sister immediately decides to start playing candy crush on her phone, poking my best friend about funny pictures she found, and then most annoyingly she decides to start random conversations with my mom about parking spaces and groceries. All during the movie. She does this when im having conversations too to passive aggressively annoy me when she doesn't get her way.
Finally when my mom and best friend are getting into it we get to the scene where the homeless man gets killed and she starts bawling like a baby.
She says she cant watch it anymore even though she watched fucking saw. I tell her to stop crying like a baby and leave then and that shes doing this on purpose. She goes from crying to angry and we yell at eachother. Movie night is over.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
SPzygWPHuh6X07a3RbnB854DVDaTzNjw
|
a6nhnl
|
{
"description": "pranking my boss",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for pranking my boss?
|
I've (M-26) been working on a political campaign for nearly a year. It's pretty long days, maybe 18 hours a day and definitely 7 days a week. At some point our boss (M-28) became obsessed with the idea that we would at some point get recording devices planted on us in our office by the opposition. The boss talked about it constantly, always without evidence. So much so that the rest of the staff (F-40, F-40, F-26, M-25) would talk about his obsession when he wasn't around. Obviously, it would have been easy for us to get on board with this had there been some semblance of guidance on what specifically to be on the outlook for rather than just random assertions, but there was nothing except the vague theory.
Also two particularly random things happened in the months prior to the election. First, two months prior to the election someone, purporting to be a supporter, came by and said they had two (extremely nice and extremely comfortable) matching leather sofas that they were getting rid of that they wanted to know if they could give to us as a donation to our office seating area. We accepted but the boss spent days talking about how we had to get rid of them because they might contain recording devices built into them. Secondly, on the candidate's birthday (he was almost never physically present in our office) someone(s?) separately sent an edible arrangement and some flowers to our office without cards. Boss predictably flipped out made us call to find out whom they were from but the companies refused to tell us as it was against policy. These are legit nationally known companies involved and there was a very slim chance that they'd be involved in an illegal campaign bugging operation. But again they had to be dumped into the trash because...
He insisted that he was going to call the police and have them do a full investigation. He never followed through but this was getting ridiculous.
A few days after a successful primary election was the boss' birthday. I stopped off at a drug store bought a large teddy bear and tied a bunch of balloons to its hand and a bow around its neck. The pièce de résistance was the two inch wire I had repurposed from a pair of ear buds and superglued to the neck of the bear and had hidden, poorly, behind the ribbon. I left it at the front desk and told everyone in the office what was up and got them on the same page that it had been delivered that very morning without a card. Everyone in the office was fully aware that this was a prank. He flipped out exactly as predicted immediately. And *then* noticed the wire sticking out and was instantly at an 11 for all of about 3 minutes before I let him in on the joke.
I was and had always planned to be there to supervise the entire prank and would have obviously never let it get to the point where he actually called the police. He threw the dumb bear at me sort of chuckled. But, he has stopped bringing up the stupid "recordings" paranoia for the rest of the campaign.
I already sorta think I know what the answer is, but still, AITA?
TL;DR Is it sometimes okay to unstick your boss from something they keep harping on with a lite prank? Assume I *cannot* be fired.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
P7moo9kbXV65eTnVuAd1CS3fbURkzqE6
|
b5qp0n
|
{
"description": "being upset with my ex for bringing her new BF around my kids",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for being upset with my ex for bringing her new BF around my kids?
|
So my wife and I have been separated for about a year and a half now. Everything has been very amicable. We have a good schedule with our two boys (ages 7 and 11), we hangout as a family usually once a week, and get along a lot better than when we were married. Things have been working out so well between us that we have not been in a rush to pull the trigger and finalize the divorce.
When we first agreed to separate, one of the things we agreed on, and she brought up first and was very adamant about is that the kids would not be exposed to anyone we were dating until we knew it was a very serious relationship. Something I was fully on board with and readily agreed with. Whenever I start to date someone, I joke with them that we will be married for a couple of years before I bring the kids around them.
The ex has a condo there that she goes on long weekend trip, or for family events, and for part of the kids school breaks. They have cousins near the same age there and I believe it is important that they have a chance to spend time with them.
They pent spring break there, and came back to my place on Saturday. Sunday morning I woke up and started making pancakes for breakfast. I asked them, how were the pancakes, and my oldest replied along the lines of that they are much better than mom's friend Ron. This set off big alarm bells in my head. Namely, who the fuck is Ron, and why is he cooking breakfast for my kids?
I didn't follow up, or ask any questions of the boys, and just got ready to take the boys to the beach. Later, we had to stop at the ex's house so the boys could pick up their backpacks for school the next day. I casually asked about Ron and why he was making breakfast. The ex just shrugged it off that he came by after hockey practice. She gave a little dismissive explanation, that as far as the boys know, he is just a friend. Later that night I texted with her and told her that I'm not comfortable with some guy coming over trying to ingratiate and buddy up to my boys. I also brought up the agreement that no boyfriends/girlfriends were going to be brought around unless it was something that was very serious. She replied that she wasn't sure how serious they were, but the boys just see him as any other friend. I also brought up that if things were getting serious, than we need to fast track finally getting divorced.
Now kids aren't completely clueless, especially they older one. I'm sure they aren't making out in front of the kids, but I also know that lingering glances, sitting close to each other, small signs of affection are there.
So AITA? For getting upset that I have no idea who is hanging around my kids, how much time he is spending with them, what kind of relationship he is trying to make with them. And come summer vacation when they are there for over a month, how much will he be around? I know as a divorced partner, I have no say in who she dates, and I do want her to be happy.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 19,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
LqXv2gK9Rg9H28rkKcIquTBRS1BnBMw3
|
ak87z5
|
{
"description": "arguing with the Moderator on \"r/\"sex SubReddit? am I just confused with what Mods are for",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA Arguing with the Moderator on "r/"sex SubReddit? Am I just confused with what Mods are for?
|
**Please Put It Back**
\[–\]to [/r/sex](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex) sent 11 hours ago
You can take a look at my comments in no way was I shaming sex, the OP was seeking help.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/ak1bwb/porn\_fetishes\_objectification\_and\_shame\_need\_help/?utm\_source=reddit-android](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/ak1bwb/porn_fetishes_objectification_and_shame_need_help/?utm_source=reddit-android)
\[–\]**subreddit message via** [**/r/sex**](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex)**\[**[**M**](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/moderators)**\]** **sent** **11 hours ago**
and yet, you linked to a community that shames porn based on pseudoscience. Even though this sub's rules specifically forbid doing so.
I would sugest following the automod's waning if you wish to continue participating in [/r/sex](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex).
\[–\]to [/r/sex](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex) sent 11 hours ago
It won't happen again, but I hope you actually read my comments on that whole post.
\[–\]**subreddit message via** [**/r/sex**](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex)**\[**[**M**](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex/about/moderators)**\]** **sent** **6 hours ago**
I read it. And since you have not heeded the warning of either the automod or an actual mod, you are now banned from [/r/sex](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex).
\[–\]to [/r/sex](https://www.reddit.com/r/sex) sent an hour ago
How did I not head the warning? I literally said it wouldn't happen again.
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Linked to a community-based in pseudoscience? How was I suppose to know the mods of sex would feel that way? Nowhere in the sex sub link policy does it start speficly banned links.
According to the pornfree sub they are "This community exists to help people of all ages overcome their addiction to porn. The creation of [/r/pornfree](https://www.reddit.com/r/pornfree) was inspired by a bunch of 'IamA Porn Addict AMA' posts. [Here is a collection of those posts](http://www.reddit.com/r/pornfree/comments/au9wq/here_is_a_list_of_the_submissions_that_inspired/)" that sounded supportive and positive to me.
The feedback I got from OP for one of my many comments trying to help, "That's an illuminating way of putting it. You've given me a lot to think about. Thank you."
\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I made no other comments or posts after I started this exchange with the automod and mod.
Final note in my defense: Striaght from the sex sub guidelines, "If your post has been removed, but you believe that your post already meets the requirements cited in automod’s message, please let the moderators know. This helps improve the Automoderator checks and a human moderator can review your post and approve it."
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
CisO3W6Hh06rKl0dKeIYSxiCdQq7yAse
|
a2jaqr
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my boyfriend after he confessed he's bisexual",
"pronormative_score": 96,
"contranormative_score": 168
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend after he confessed he’s bisexual?
|
So I dated my ex for around two years (26M/24F). Overall, he’s a great person and I hope that we can stay friends, despite what happened.
Basically, a few weeks ago, we were having drinks at his apartment. He said there was something he wanted to tell me and he hoped I wouldn’t judge. I said okay (obviously nervous). He told me that he thinks he’s bi. I asked what makes him think that and he finally admitted that he had hooked up with a few guys before me.
Now, I just want to clarify that I don’t care if a person is gay, bi, whatever. You only get one life and you should try to find happiness. But I have never (as far as I know) dated a guy who wasn’t straight. So I was a little taken aback.
The rest of the night was somewhat awkward and we ended up just going to sleep. Over the next several days I started thinking of our relationship. We don’t have sex that often for a young couple. Maybe once a week (always been that way). And when we do have sex I usually initiate. I’m not bothered by the frequency but I started questioning whether my boyfriend might just be gay and using me to cover that up. I started getting paranoid over whether he’s even attracted to me (he compliments me on my appearance but I’ve never felt...lust).
Anyway I ended up breaking up with him. He said it was because he’s bi and I denied that was the reason. I blamed the break up on some personal stuff I’m going through and said I needed time alone.
But that was actually a lie. If he hadn’t disclosed that stuff about his sexuality, I have no doubt we’d still be together. I just couldn’t get past it for some reason.
AITA in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 92,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 96,
"WRONG": 168
}
|
WRONG
|
LVGNDUtfZ0lvoI0Ui3NBbFt4rCpHSJ7Z
|
b9jm54
|
{
"description": "worrying about a classmate I barely know",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for worrying about a classmate I barely know?
|
Hey, so I was wondering whether I’m TA in this situation. I an a 27 year-old male graduate student, and there’s this one guy in one of my classes that I kinda worry about. He seems to be kinda out of it all the time, often comes in sniffling/coughing, talks *very* quietly (I only ever hear him because I usually sit by him- or more accurately he sits by me as he always arrives after I do), and just now I saw him while walking on campus and he was really awkward and decided to go on his way right after asking if he could walk with me briefly.
I mean, the guy doesn’t give off “shady” vibes. I don’t feel unsafe around him. He gives off “I’m having difficulties” vibes, and since I was hit really bad with burnout toward the end of my undergrad career, I kinda worry he’s going through the same. I am working as a paid note-taker in the class (our school has a department that helps students with disabilities, through which they can anonymously request a paid note-taker, a classmate who, once hired by the Student Disability Services people, would upload their notes to the SDS site for the requester to see), and I suspect he’s the person who requested notes. We’re not supposed to try and find out, though.
*That said,* I also feel like it’s really fucking patronizing of me to be thinking that way of a total stranger. There isn’t really even a way to ask him if he’s okay without the potential of accidentally insulting him to his face.
So....yeah. Am I the asshole for potentially thinking of my classmate in a patronizing way without knowing him very well at all?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Lg637RNH5EXp0AsgATixMDWxvKiwLnkm
|
b82fvz
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my friend for defining me by my sexuality",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my friend for defining me by my sexuality?
|
Context: I'm an openly Bi guy, in the sense that if someone asks I'll tell and I don't hide it, but I never actively bring it up and I never shove it in people's faces.
**TL;DR: I feel that my friend is defining my entire personality and life by my sexuality, he constantly brings it up in unrelated conversations and uses it as a 'roast'. This has been happening pretty much since he learned I was bi. He thinks this is no big deal, that I'm overreacting and I need to 'chill' and he doesn't see what he's done wrong. AITA?**
Now my friend, who we'll call Jack, seems to have turned into a bit of an ass lately. The reason I say he's turned into a bit of an ass is that he doesn't seem to understand when a roast is or isn't called for. You'll see why I say that.
Tonight, we were talking about what we're doing tomorrow. I didn't understand something he said, so I asked and he came back with
>no wonder you got to [my uni] so slow to catch on (for added context, with my grades I could have gone to any uni in the country. I chose mine)
Anyway, the convo continued with him calling the bar at my uni shit (🤷♂️) and eventually getting to *'our bar is better because I saw someone who graduated years ago there'* and *"Your lonely ass wouldn't understand"*.
Now this did offend me because honestly since we went our separate ways he has no fuckin clue what I've been up to, and even at school I was one of the most socially active people in our grade. It'd be like me making a hiroshima joke to him; it's just wrong to begin with, plus he's not even Japanese so it doesn't even make any sense. I said to him
>HAHA don't even at me about being lonely, you have no idea what I do
to which he came back with
>What sucking guys off
>you a gay stripper or someshit now
At this point I kind of went off. To fully understand why, you have to know that he's been doing this for months. In person and online, in DMs and group chats. If anyone brings up the topic of sexuality or relationships, I have to stop contributing immediately or it'll end up being about that. Even in completely and entirely unrelated conversations such as above, he still brings it up as a 'roast'. I've made it clear multiple times that it's not ok, and he keeps going.
I feel like he's defining my entire self by my sexuality, as if there's nothing else to my character. That's just one part of the problem though.
He's said now that he'll stop (sure, whatever) but he keeps calling what he's doing a 'joke' ("I'll stop making the joke", "dude it's just a joke") and he keeps telling me to chill and that it's not a big deal and I'm overreacting, which makes me think he still doesn't realise what he's done wrong and how big of a deal this is to me. That's the bigger issue imo. I don't care that he's going to stop, or that he's apologised (he actually hasn't). I'm pissed that he thinks he's done nothing wrong and that this is no big deal.
Am I overreacting? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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b4u7wa
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{
"description": "thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend with cancer",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for thinking about breaking up with my boyfriend with cancer?
|
I've been with him for around two years. Back then i was starting on meds for anxiety, i began dating guys and he was very charismatic and i fell for him just talking online, when we first met in person he asked me to be his boyfriend, and i said yes.
Things went well, there were some traits of him that i disliked but i just thought "give him a chance". At a point i went back to having anxiety attacks, he always brushed them off but made a great deal of his anxiety, he made me feel no one would be interested in me when he told me how "impressed" his friends were that he was dating an epileptic person and that "he must really love me to put up with that", he constantly says how our life will be living together even thought i've told him how uncomfortable it makes me. At a point in our relationship i discovered he still had Grindr on his phone, he told me it was to "troll guys", one day he handed me his phone and i knew i shouldn't, but i went through his Grindr and his latest conversation implied that he brought a guy to his house and had sex. He assured me nothing happened, the guy was his friend and they ended up just talking instead. Gave him a chance, even though he said that if i did something like that he would "kill me".
Last year my family went through a financial crisis, at times i couldn't see him, i didn't even have money to take the bus. He was mad about that cause he couldn't understand it.
Around November last year he began getting sick, having trouble with his throat. My depression got worse and sometimes i forgot to talk to him, he sayed that he would stop telling me stuff cause i "clearly didn't care about him" and that he was giving me a last chance or he would break up with me, i had enough, but then he brought up how serious his sickness was, i wanted to be with him as a friend but he told me that if we broke up he was shutting me out of his life and blocking me everywhere... of course again, i thought "give him a chance"
Let's jump to December, i told my parents of his health situation and they got involved in supporting him, he was told he was in the early stages of cancer and he began chemo... he was very depressed at first, then he began demanding that every week i visited him and i did it, accompanied by my mother. His mother constantly talked about how he has these rage fits and yells horrible things at her and his brother.
He's always annoyed for not visiting him more often and then apologizes saying how much he misses me. I told my mother how i felt and she told me that he needs me through this hard time and to give him a chance.
So, am i the asshole for thinking to break up with my boyfriend with cancer? Am i truly blowing everything out of proportion and exaggerating? Should i just, suck it up and go with it for however long his treatment is?
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HISTORICAL
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b7ko7v
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{
"description": "kicking out a tenant that doesn't know his boundaries",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for kicking out a tenant that doesn't know his boundaries?
|
So basically a male tenant constantly hits on another female tenant. After telling him he gets once chance to correct himself he is now asking her to hook him up with one of her girl friends. She has plainly told him to leave her alone and that she doesn't like his attention.
The female tenant has never complained before and she has been living there for about three years with various other tenants that have moved in and out. I'm sure I am biased and believe her since the guy is new.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ad3jxx
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{
"description": "not jumping in to support my so in her own \"aita\" thread",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not jumping in to support my SO in her own "aita" thread?
|
Yeah, they made one here, I obviously won't say which, but the situation didn't involve me.
Anyway she asked me to go up vote it and make a nta comment. I said "lol nah..." cuz that's shady.
She doesn't seem mad but we can never be sure, and I need to know if I should get ahead of this for my own physical safety. So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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9ypcvy
| null |
AITA - Told my co-worker a cheating joke.
|
I work for a fast food restaurant. It was my first month of the job so i don't know anyone or their relationships. My Manager Jay (not real name) is dating Mary (not real name) who are both my co-worker. I didn't know they were dating. One day i saw Jay at the mall with a girl buying red dead redemption 2 at EB Games and by the looks of it they look like a couple. We greeted each other and moved our seperate ways. So on my next shift together, me jay and mary, i loudly ask jay "who is that girl you were with last time at EB Games?" "Is that your gf?" Then he answered that "she's a friend" "why would you even ask that question?" Then the dumb me just rubbed salt on the wound by saying that "to me she doesnt look like a friend" so basically in the middle of the shift mary started crying and i was like in my mind why tf is she crying? is she crying because jay is her crush and jay has a gf now? And then my co-worker pulled me to the side and told me "they're dating dummy!" "Telling that infront to her is very asshole behaviour!". And now basically me and mary doesnt talk and she always give me that death stare when i am the guy who might have possibly spilled the beans on his bf's infidelities. So am i the asshole here, or am i just a victim of ignorance?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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aa7iyl
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{
"description": "keeping a secret from a long time friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for keeping a secret from a long time friend?
|
I have 2 friends, friend a and friend b.
Friend a: known him for the best part of 10 years, pretty much grew up with him. Got some mad memories with him and a strong bond. His parents have split and his mam lives next door to friend b with new husband and family.
Friend b: haven't known him as long, only around a year and a half maybe 2 years, great guy, confided a lot in him as I trust him and he has confided so much in me.
Friend b used to (not sure if it happens anymore) have regular sex with friend a's mam who is married.
I have known for a while. I chose to keep it a secret from friend a. Still is a secret.
Would I be the asshole if I told friend a what happened between friend b and friend a's mam even though it has stopped?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
AL9dzRAtUa3V4h3b70f6ciFQ7XNQA05C
|
b6xwop
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{
"description": "not taking my friend to the gym",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not taking my friend to the gym?
|
SO! First time post to AITA, and I'm a tad frustrated with a friend.
The whole story was we agreed to go to the gym on Wednesday several days before. I had to pick them up. They have a car. It's supposedly not working well. My other friend is already at the gym, and takes the bus to get there himself. I make a texting group called "gym peeps" and post in it around 2 PM. I'm at work until 5 PM. Other friend texts them once I'm off since the first friend hasn't responded and I'm driving. (I try to not text/call and drive since it's illegal) Still no response. Then 47 minutes later, when we've already gone to the gym, and are working out. They respond. Pissed as hell we're already there. Says they don't get group notifications (even though they were individually texted as well) and that we should have called or just stopped by. I had a large homework assignment that day, and had no extra time to wait for someone to either be awake or get ready. The expectation was they'd be up/ready/responded. Since I was kinda going out of my way to get them anyway. And they do not pay me gas money ever as a side note.
Then they go off on me because I've canceled a couple times in the last few months. Says I can't treat people like shit just because I'm incredibly depressed/very busy with school/work/my business I run/my 5 year old/my rescue parrots/etc. Freaks out on me, and basically talks down to me. At one point I had told them "I'm going to take the high road, and not get angry" then they tell me I'm patronizing them. When the intention of saying that was admitting I usually get upset and yell. I didn't want to do that, and I'm trying to be better about anger. Then in that same breath, they turn around and text me saying "Repeat back to me why you think I'm upset" like I'm a small child! Which seems super patronizing!! AND to top all of this off they wouldn't be able to get into the gym without me. I have the special membership that means I can bring a guest. They have no membership, no way to get themselves to the gym, and no way to get home from the gym. (They could take the bus, but refuse I guess??)
So not only am I a taxi. I'm a way to get into my gym.
Reddit, am I the asshole in this situation for not calling them/stopping by to get them even though I (and my other friend) tried to text?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a52f0b
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{
"description": "telling someone that with the mentality they currently have grad school isn't for them",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
WIBTA if I told someone that with the mentality they currently have grad school isn't for them?
|
I have a friend who graduated last year and is now a Masters student. He took a class this semester because he heard the professor was easy. Now he's asking me if the workload for another professor is less, and he's basing his class selection off of that. Grad classes (unless they're combined/stacked) are generally never easy; they are so much more detailed, and they require a lot more work than undergrad classes. There are some exceptions, but very few. Grad school is more about learning rather than getting the grade; that's why we take classes to learn, not to get an easy A and waste our time not having learned anything. With that in mind, WIBTA if I told my friend that he's lazy and shouldn't be in grad school until he starts taking learning seriously?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
xWacCFrcJO4O3IQV8MYQtA2mKyVOwkeK
|
an6cp5
|
{
"description": "getting mad at a girl because she would send me like \"conversation starter pictures on Snapchat?\"",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I got mad at a girl because she would send me like "conversation starter pictures on Snapchat?"
|
Basically, I was attracted to this girl (17m, 18f) a few months ago. She was really cute and funny. However it eventually felt like she would only snap me if she was feeling bored or needed an ego boost. Now I could totally be wrong here. Sometimes, whenever I called her pretty, she would say I was wrong. Humble I guess? But then she would talk about all the time that she is not pretty but then I'd be like, wait, that's not true. She would then say my answer is predictable.
Well if it's predictable why keep asking? Idk maybe I'm missing something
On top of that I realized a lot of our conversations stemmed from snaps she would send to everyone in her friends list. Which is too bad cause I personally felt like we were connecting or something, but then another guy who is her friend brings her up by talking about the same thing we were talking about last night.
Eventually she snapped me that a peer in class asked if we were a "thing" because I took her on a date and we were going to go to a dance together. We also had pretty good chemistry, and it seemed like we were doing okay. However, she said she was super embarrassed that someone would ask of we were a thing together.
I got instantly mad and disappointed. She always kind of dropped hints that she wasn't interested in me like saying "that was fun, I like going out as friends" and "I'd love to hang as friends", but this kind of seemed like she would be embarrassed at the even thought or us together or something. But at the same time we would always be kinda flirting. She would call me like a "bad boy" etc etc. I think mixed messages would kind of be the term?
Anyways, in hindsight I believed I lashed at her a little bit. I felt kinda hurt because it really seemed like our whole friendship or anything we has going on was fake.
After that fiasco happened one night, I kind of avoided her at the start of class walking to my seat than talking to her. Like it would be weird to sit down and be like "how bout that fake argument we had? Real bummer huh" in the middle of 30 people. But then she brought it up later over messaging that "is this how it's going to be". I brought up my reasoning and it kinda just stopped there.
At one point I felt bad about all this so I gave this apology about how mean I probably was, wanting to be on good terms. She just replied with "ok".
So now we don't ever talk anymore. I don't necessarily feel bad about what happened, but I was wondering if Reddit had a certain take on the situation.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b0qsrc
|
{
"description": "ignoring my gf",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA (17m) for ignoring my gf (18f)
|
We usually end up In arguments when we talk on the phone for too long and I also needed to get started on my homework so I told her that we should hang up because we had both agreed if the conversation was going on for too long we should end it before we had an argument. Let's just say she was not happy and we got into an argument that I didn't want to be apart of so I just started doing work while she hurled insults.
One just stuck when she said she hated my ugly nose so I hung up. She then started texting me calling me a horrible person and a dick I said I wasn't the one who said they hated my ugly nose she then tried to call me 8 times on WhatsApp and 6 times on the phone while sending me text saying it was a misunderstanding
I reminded her that this wasn't the first time she called me an awkward fuck a few days ago and I said for an outsider looking in this looks like a very unhealthy relationship
I told her I would call her in an hour
I cant do any work so AITA
Also sorry about grammar and spelling am using mobile
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b7bn2w
|
{
"description": "wanting to sleep with my brother in the same room? he is 17, I am 15",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for wanting to sleep with my brother in the same room? he is 17, I am 15.
|
So, someone has been stalking me. Its a guy, days ago, he pretended to be my brother. He told one of my classmates to tell me that he is waiting for me. He told her my name, class and how I look. He lied about being my brother. He knows almost everything about me. I didn't go to his car, he also have the same car as my brother. i was suspicious because if he was my brother he would have called me on the phone. Me and my friends at that time decided to check and when we went there, there was no car. We asked the girl how he looked like, she explained to us and he looks like my brother. She never met my brother though.
&#x200B;
At first my parents thought its a prank but its not, we checked the schools camera footage and there was really a car, we couldn't see the plate number neither his face though. The police will drive next our school and house (guarding) every day.
&#x200B;
Anyways, I am scared and I don't want to sleep alone anymore, so I slept in my brothers room last night but he doesn't want me around anymore :(. I told my parents on him, I told them I am scared and that I will feel secure if I sleep in the same room with someone. My brother told them that one of them can sleep in my room with me but I told them that we shouldn't sleep alone. So my parents told my brother to let me sleep with him in the same room. He is mad but I am scared.
&#x200B;
AITA? should I sleep alone in my room? do you think it bothers him a lot?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
G43BNZ7Fr6yKvoC3WibKlhv42daJpGjO
|
b9qtbv
|
{
"description": "not helping my brother out while he's going through a divorce",
"pronormative_score": 175,
"contranormative_score": 46
}
|
WIBTA if I don't help my brother out while he's going through a divorce?
|
My brother and I are the only family we have, I'm 26 and he's 29, and we were really close.
I got married 7 years ago (yes at 19, I was stupid) to my first wife but that marriage fell apart quickly because we were never really in love, just liked each other and thought we might as well give it a shot. The divorce was really messy and I thought about killing myself just so I don't have to deal with it. I went to my brother and asked him for help (both financial and just support) and he more or less told me to get fucked. His wife was filling his mind with lies about me and to this day I have no clue why she had a personal vendetta against me.
Eventually the divorce was done, I made it through because my now-wife supported me during it. My brother and I had a relationship after that, but no where near as close as before. I married my wife at 24 and we're still together. Some time later I found out his wife was having an affair with a coworker and confronted her about it. He took her side, accused me of trying to drive a wedge between them, and said he wants nothing to do with me anymore. That's about it for the past 2 years, no contact at all. (I'll admit texting his wife calling her a cheating cunt a few times when I was drunk but that's irrelevant).
Yesterday he called me and said he found out she's been having an affair (with the same guy nonetheless, how do you not investigate that relationship sooner) and he's sorry for not believing me. They're getting a divorce now but my wife is violently opposed to helping him out considering what happened before. I'm considering not responding and moving on with my life. AITA if I do so?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
hf7hgcqxtKR68r7CihAhfmT18FA6suhx
|
ai4pe2
|
{
"description": "ignoring of my gf's calls",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ignoring of my gf’s calls
|
My girlfriend of three years call me a lot (like today she called me 14 times and I picked up 5 times) and then she wants to talk for couple hours to the pothe conversation would be over and she’d just be there doing stuff trying to get me to start another conversation like coughing, being loud, or saying gibberish instead of her starting another conversation . Every time I talk to her about her excessive calls she says that she’s supposed to do that, if I was a normal boyfriend or a real man I would be okay with the call, or that I don’t care about her feelings/don’t love her just because I don’t wanna talk at the moment. Sometimes it get to the point where I just ignore her calls and then I feel bad because in the back of my head there’s something telling me that I’m doing her wrong and that’s why I made a account and posted my story here.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
a4l295
|
{
"description": "not listening to her about my health",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not listening to her about my health?
|
I think its pretty self explanatory from the title, but I don't care about my health all that much. I eat maybe once or twice a day and drink excessive amounts of soda/energy drinks, and when I can, alcohol. I know it's not the most healthy lifestyle by any stretch, but I do keep a healthy weight, and I do excercise almost daily. It is a problem to my not-yet-official girlfriend, who is really concerned about this. She tells me everyday we hang out to eat better, but I don't really listen. I don't even dare to tell her about my 18th birthday party yesterday where passed out for about 13 hours.
Am I an asshole for not taking her advice more seriously? I really care about her, but I feel fine with my lifestyle, I function just fine, but she is really worried, and has even started yelling at me about it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
b5chit
|
{
"description": "helping other people with it issues",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA HELPING OTHER PEOPLE WITH IT ISSUES
|
Little backstory:
I work in accounting with about 17 people. The age gap is pretty big. Majority are in their 50s and up and the rest in their 20s and early 30s. Now I absolutely hate when old people treat me and the younger ones like we're stupid but when it comes to computers I am the first one they come to. I have no problem in helping people but I also have no problem in telling people off when they are just nice because its convenient at the moment. Specially older people that think that just because they are old they can disrespect younger people.
Anyways...
Early today IT guy was helping one of them with something and didn't know how to correct it, so they called me and ask for help. I'm like "am I getting paid for this because I'm not IT" and go about fixing it. Then I send a little message to coworker saying "I'mma start charging yall $5 for every IT question" (mind you I have been here for 3 years and fixing their IT stuff since I started just because). She then tried to help another coworker about fonts size and she comes around and asks me a question I put my hand out like saying "where's my 5 dollars" she says "I'll buy you lunch" (which probably won't happen) and I tell her what she needs to do so she goes and tried to fix it and here I'm laughing like "wtf are they doing?" They got the other 20 year old to fix it and all is good now.
AITA for not wanting to help her with IT questions/ fixing issues anymore?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
Qt193Vulqlk608YYdH9JSzNqwibitkIn
|
ac2qd0
| null |
AITA? Ditched my little cousins to go play pond hockey with my buds.
|
Every new year me and my buds have a tradition to play a few games of pond hockey then get plastered at my friends place. We’ve been doing it for years now but the next day when I drove home my mom got mad at me because I missed out on a dinner she had planned with my aunts family. She kept telling me I broke my little cousins hearts (8F + 9F) because I wasn’t there. My mom keeps saying I’m a dick. Should she know that I do this every year, a text message wouldn’t hurt asking me if I was busy a week ago or am I a AITA for staying with friends over family?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "cutting off all of my friends unintentionally",
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|
AITA for cutting off all of my friends unintentionally
|
I have really low expectations for friends but they never seem to meet them. All I want in a friend is for someone to be caring enough to ask me how i'm doing every once in a while, stick up for me even if I'm not around, and ask me to hangout. Almost all the time in the one putting in the effort to talk to them, and hangout with them. Me and some of my friends stopped talking after I got out of a weird break up with my ex boyfriend a few months ago, because at the time everything revolved around him. I reconnected with them, because they finally remembered that I exist. I had plans with one of them for New year's, but she never texted me again about it until New year's Eve. I assumed she didn't want to see me anymore so I made other plans and I guess "cancelled on her". After winter break seems like none of them talk to me, won't even give me a smile when I see them in public. Last time one of them talked to me was to ask me to hangout but I have work almost every day, and they aren't the type of people to make plans in advance. They talk shit cause they think I'm weird and don't give a shit but they won't even check up on me? Am I the asshole for not continuing to ask them to hangout even though it feels like I get rejected every time?
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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ac3k08
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{
"description": "telling my cousin her crappy job serving gelato is getting her nowhere",
"pronormative_score": 0,
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}
|
AITA for telling my cousin her crappy job serving gelato is getting her nowhere?
|
So lately i been minding my own business so i haven’t really been paying much attention to outside fam. Anyways my cousin texts me saying shes looking for another job because she needs more money and less crappy hours (she works until midnight every shift)so i tell her that’s awesome my job is actually having a hiring event come by interview and see what happens so long story short she gets hired on the spot and she has to take a drug test that expires in the next two days so she never takes the test god knows why and now she asks if she can take it again but now they’re telling her its expired and she just says “ok” and is going to continue at her crappy job scooping gelatio. UMMM AM I MISSING SOMETHING? Arent you trying to make more money and you were offered a pretty decent job WHY DIDNT YOU FIGHT FOR IT? So i told her like bro what are you doing this can be a good opportunity for you and she says “But I decided it’s whatever about the job because I really want to take the time to learn a lot of things and maybe if I work there my mind will be to occupied .. and I don’t want that. “ DOES THIS EVEN MAKE SENSE? A new job out of ice cream is definitely a job opportunity worth taking and learning. WHERE IS GELATO TAKING YOU? Thanks for letting me rant
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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anygny
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{
"description": "selling overpriced Magic: the gathering decks to a classmate so he won't spend his money on drugs",
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|
AITA for selling overpriced Magic: the Gathering decks to a classmate so he won’t spend his money on drugs
|
My classmate has been snorting Adderall and smoking excessive amounts of weed and makes no attempt to hide it from anyone including teachers. He is really into Magic the Gathering and will buy any cards you show him. AITA for selling him overpriced decks so he won’t buy drugs?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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"description": "refusing to do a favor",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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|
AITA for refusing to do a favor?
|
My coworker offered to babysit for Valentine's day, so I went and made dinner reservations for 8pm. When I told her it was for 8pm, she said no that's too late, why don't you reschedule to Friday? I said no thanks. She said well maybe you shouldn't be unimaginative by going out on Valentine's day. So at that point I told her I didn't want to talk to her cause I felt she was being condescending.
A few days later, she needs to get a certain number of co-workers to go to an event to get credit for a triathlon sponsorship. She asks me to help put together some materials (light photo editing & email crafting) which I do. After that she says so I'll see you on Saturday? And I said, that's a hard no. So she says she's personally offended by that and wants to know why. I said that she wasn't in a position to demand a favor after offering to do one for me and then cancelling when the terms were unfavorable, but if she needs help during work hours I am willing to do that . She then asked again for me to reconsider and I said no. She needed me to go to get the credit, she was doubting the turn out would be sufficient. Am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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b2ayk3
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{
"description": "breaking a long time friend ship",
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|
AITA for breaking a long time friend ship
|
I was friends with this person for years ( been through lots of shit together). We lived together once before, but we fought a lot after I started seeing a guy. So I thought needed to grow up alittle more and moved back home. And helped her move back home as well. Fast forward, we moved back in together and all was fine until I started to see a guy and dating him (we are married now). She always got hurt that I would do things with him and not her, then it got worse with animals. We started fighting all the time again. Finally, after she would invite all sorts of random guys over and my stuff (her's as well) started disappearing, and then she took my dog. She let my dog jump out the car window (doing 15 down the road), and refused to take her to the vet. I moved out, again. I've come to conclusion that maybe it wasn't me? But a mutual friend has been trying to get us to reconcile. Maybe I over reacted? Ive been happier without her, but sometimes I miss her too. Natural, right?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "telling a student I could see her underwear",
"pronormative_score": 64,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for telling a student I could see her underwear?
|
I'm a male high school teacher, and I've been at this for a few years. I generally have a pretty good rapport with my students. However, I ran into an issue a few weeks ago.
One of my female upperclassmen was sitting in the front row wearing a skirt and at one point she put her feet up on the desk giving me an eyeful of her underwear. It made me uncomfortable, but I ignored it.
Over the following days, she wore shorts or jeans and continued to put her feet up on the desk. Then she wore a skirt again, and once again was flashing her underwear.
I realized she must not know she is showing it off every time she does this, right? I wanted to tell her, but the last thing I wanted to do was call her out. I considered holding her after class to let her know, but that would mean trying to either subtly catch her before she could leave, or her having to explain to her friends why I held her back. I thought about emailing her, but worried that it might look bad for a 30 year old teacher to be mailing a student about their underwear, and who knows when she'd check her school email anyway.
Finally I went old school with it and passed her a note as I handed out worksheets. All it said was "your underwear is showing."
When she looked at it, she scoffed and put her feet down. I thought I'd solved it. Except ever since her and all her friends give me dirty looks, like I'm some kind of creep.
I've heard nothing about from superiors, so I don't think I'm in any sort of trouble. But I do worry about my relationship with my students as a rumor can spread and end a career.
AITA? Am I a creep? Should I have handled this differently?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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azybh8
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{
"description": "practically cutting ties with my family who are in a cult",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for practically cutting ties with my family who are in a cult?
|
My parents joined a cult when I was 4, and I never felt particularly comfortable with the whole vibe of the group, even from a young age. They're fundamentalist christians, don't send their kids to public school, don't "believe" in modern medicine -- whatever that's supposed to mean, and go out of their way to isolate themselves from the world around them.
I left the group when I was 18 to go to college. I'm now 25 and living my life. And I don't feel the least bit bad for rejecting the group's beliefs.
However, what really eats at me is that I have 5 younger siblings still in the group. The group has some rule where they try to keep members -- especially younger ones -- from interacting with people who leave the group. It's obviously a reprehensible rule. And my younger siblings do contact me occasionally, which I really appreciate.
However, I'm a non-confrontational person and I basically avoid contacting my family due to the rules they supposedly live by. I periodically feel waves of guilt for not being more proactive about it. I have a legitimate legal case given that it's not legal to keep siblings from communicating/seeing each other. But I really don't want to turn it into a legal battle. Should I?
In a certain sense, people have the right to live how they want, even if that involves disowning me or whatever. And I think that my younger siblings are clever/self-sufficient enough to eventually make their way out of the group. But I can't help feeling like there's more I could/should be doing.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ae2uo6
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{
"description": "getting upset over my roommate's careless remark",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting upset over my roommate’s careless remark?
|
I am currently a college student working to get her Doctorate in Pharmacy. My dorm roommate has recently talked to me about her switching majors. She wants to go to from the medical pathway to the pharmacy pathway. When I asked her why, she says because she ‘feels like it’s less to handle.’
I don’t know if I’m supposed to take offense to this, but it kind of makes me feel weird. In my opinion, they’re two completely different fields. I find it insulting that she thinks that it’s a few steps down from her program. I just told her ‘oh, I guess,’ trying not to cause an unnecessary argument, but I just feel weird about it. I’m definitely not gonna talk to her about it again because I know this is stupid but I still have that weird uncomfortable feeling.
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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as2vom
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{
"description": "avoiding my mams boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for avoiding my (26f) mams boyfriend?
|
I seriously can't figure out if it's me taking things to heart or whether he is as much of an asshole as I think he is. I'll try to make this as short as possible and I know how much of a ball ache large paragraphs of text are.
So my mam and him got together two years ago (a month after his own wife died). I was a bit apprehensive of him from the start incase he was using my mam as a rebound or such. To be fair he has been nothing but amazing to my mam so I quickly got over this. But I have a feeling he just puts up with me to please her.
I'm living back home as I'm saving for a trip of a lifetime and will be away for a while so it's obviously very hard to avoid him when he is around alot of the time. I lost my dad five years ago, and for fathers day me and my mam went to the beach and had a bbq. The whole time we were there he was messaging saying "can you not drop them off and come to mine yet" (I only saw because my mam asked me to change song on her ipad). I got upset and left shortly after.
We all went to go see my poorly auntie who lives 3 hours drive away for the weekend and when we got back we were talking about it and how we might go again and he came out with "well you never know, that would be the last time you ever see her, she didn't look good at all". Then we went to see my gran in hospital this week and while I was trying to have a conversation with her, he blasted her TV so we couldn't hear each other and wouldn't turn it down till mam snatched the remote off him.
My boyfriend was nice enough to get me some flowers (rare) for getting a promotion at work, at which point he said they "stink like cat piss" and wrinkles his nose whenever he is near them. He knows I wanted a certain watch for months and months and then he bought my mam one for Xmas and I had to sit there and watch her open it.
I feel like I'm being petty by being bothered by it but it's so upsetting and annoying and it's actually wearing me down. I don't know what to do other than to avoid him. I tried telling him how I felt about the watch to which he started swearing at me over text saying I've pissed him off, which was never my intentions I just wanted him to understand that it really upset me. I've spoke to my mam about it all and she keeps telling him off but things just keep happening. I keep trying to forgive and forget and just move on but it's getting pretty obvious that I'm now just keeping my distance a bit. What do you think I should do. Am I an asshole or is he?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b294lq
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{
"description": "saying that someone with severe anxiety should know their limits",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for saying that someone with severe anxiety should know their limits?
|
I have a friend who is in a graduate program and qualified for an all-expenses-paid semester abroad in a third world country. Friend has severe and debilitating anxiety even with medication. Friend went on the trip and could only handle about a week before coming home. Friend used up the budget for the opportunity so it was not possible for another student to go in their place.
My mother and I were discussing the situation and I mentioned that as someone who has struggled with livelong debilitating anxiety, I would not have accepted the scholarship knowing I'd never be able to make it work in my current state and the money could be repurposed to another student. My mother (also prone to anxiety and depression) tearfully told me that I was an asshole and that people with anxiety have as much a right to trying to live a normal life as anyone.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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awlhl5
|
{
"description": "going to a basketball game",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for going to a basketball game?
|
So me and my boyfriend are both in college. I was supposed to go to his place last night. I told him I had an event with my roommates that started at 8 and would go on for at least an hour/ hour and a half. Then I would go straight to his. During the event we are continuously texting. It ends up going late, until about 10. I tell him when it’s over.
I’m 10 minutes into the 25 minute drive. I send him a quick text that I’m on my way. He sends back that he’s started a movie with his roommate and he didn’t think I’d be coming over anymore since it was so late. He tells me not to come anymore. I honestly was pretty surprised. We had plans to hang all week. So I turn around and head back to my place. It was annoying but it seemed like we just had some miscommunication.
I always go to his on Friday night and will usually stay the entire weekend going into Monday. Since I’m going to be at my apartment on a Saturday for the first time in a while, now my roommates want the chance to hang out, so we’ve made plans for today to go to a basketball game.
My boyfriend is now mad. He wanted me to come over early this morning. He doesn’t understand why I’m going to this game and thinks I should ditch my roommates. His reasoning is that we technically had plans to hang at his place today since I was originally going to stay over. I told him that I was just confused about last night and thought it would be fine. From my perspective, when he cancelled last night, he changed the plans. I told him when the game would end and that I’d come afterward. He’s still annoyed at my choice. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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an8pb2
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{
"description": "not wiping down the gym equipment",
"pronormative_score": 1,
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}
|
AITA for not wiping down the gym equipment?
|
So, I know the title makes the answer seem obvious, but it’s something I’m actually struggling with.
My gym, like most, has those oddly-small white towels available for members. When I first joined my gym (standard ok-and-cheap YMCA) I would always take two towels - one for sweat, and one for wiping down the equipment. I have always been pretty fastidious about wiping down the machines after use. The gym also has little spray bottles of cleaning solution scattered around to use when wiping off equipment after use, which I always used.
Then, a few months ago, the gym instituted a one-towel-per-person policy. So, now I have the choice of:
- wiping sweat off on the towel, but then no towel for equipment wiping
- using the towel for wiping the equipment and not having a sweat towel unless I bring my own separately, or;
- what most people seem to do, which is use the same towel for both sweat and wiping, which...seems disgusting. I do t want cleaning solution on my face, and I wouldn’t want to wipe down equipment with a sweaty towel.
I asked the front desk at one point how I should wipe down the equipment if we only got one towel, and was told there were paper towels in the fitness area to use when wiping the machines. However, I looked pretty thoroughly, and have never seen paper towels available nor have I ever seen anyone using one to wipe down equipment.
The gym does have attendants who come around every ten or twenty minutes and wipe down the machines not in use...but, if someone gets on a machine right after you, it likely hasn’t been wiped unless the person using it has wiped it. But, they do get cleaned off periodically. Possibly also relevant - knowing I’m not wiping, I touch the machine (usually a treadmill or stairclimber)as little as possible. I’ll only use the touchscreen and speed buttons, don’t touch the handles, etc. I’m also not a big sweater, if that makes a difference.
Faced with this dilemma, I’ve pretty much stopped wiping down machines after using them, other than to swipe away any obvious moisture with the provided towel. But, I feel like a complete criminal every time. So, AITA? Should I give in and dual-purpose my single towel as a sweat and cleaning rag, am I obligated to bring a personal towel (something I also never see anyone doing at the gym, but I guess it could solve the issue)...or can I get away with not wiping?
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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a7sci5
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{
"description": "throwing my girlfriend under the bus to help someone else",
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|
WIBTA for throwing my girlfriend under the bus to help someone else?
|
Alright, I'll provide some backstory for context:
My girlfriend (let's call her Nina) and I have been dating for a few years. Nina is genuinely the most gentle, compassionate and kind person I've ever met. However, she's reluctant to face any sort of conflict and hates to 'rock the boat'.
Nina's best friend (let's call her Zoe) has always been problematic and toxic to say the least (she's one of those people that says really horrible stuff, but later defends herself by saying "I was just joking! You're so sensitive"). She's been a bully to me and isn't the nicest or most respectful person to other people, including Nina (in my opinion, she's isolated her from having other friends - she's very toxic and manipulative). However, Nina overlooks a lot of that because she's been best friends with Zoe since they were 3 years old (they're now 18). Despite Zoe's behaviour towards me and my girlfriend, I'm civil and polite with Zoe as I feel like I owe that to Nina.
Zoe has also been dating someone for about a year and a half (I'll call him Bob) and they are pretty serious, with Bob saving for a house, marriage etc. Bob is a VERY genuine and nice guy, although I don't see that much of him (we end up seeing each other about once a month).
Anyway, in June this year, Zoe started cheating on Bob with her teacher from last year. As far as we know, there hasn't been anything physical, although there have been MANY explicit texts and pictures sent between them both and at least one "coffee date". The only person Zoe has told is Nina and soon after Nina told me (and kept me updated as things progressed).
From the start, I've wanted to tell Bob about it, however Nina has asked me not to since it'll end horribly for Nina - she's afraid she'll lose Zoe as her best friend and be the victim of anything Zoe may throw at her (again, Zoe is very manipulative, selfish and can be quite cruel if you're on her 'bad side').
During this time, Nina has voiced her concerns several times to Zoe and told her how she's doing the wrong thing by Bob. Zoe will brush it off by giggling at how 'naughty' it is or by telling Nina that "what Bob doesn't know can't hurt him".
She has also confronted the teacher and told him how disappointed and creeped out she is by his actions also (bear in mind this teacher is aware she has a long term boyfriend and, in my opinion, has groomed Zoe to some extent while she was at school. Very creepy stuff).
Admittedly from the start, I have been unmoving in my opinion that Bob needs to know ASAP and Nina and I have had several arguements over this. We've also spent lots of time trying to figure out a way to tell Bob that doesn't throw Nina under the bus and I've offered to take the hit for her so many times. However, even if it were me who told Bob, it would still come back to bite Nina because Zoe would unleash hell on her because Nina told me about it.
Eventually, last week Nina decided she was going to tell Bob herself, but after filling her mother in on the situation for further guidance, she was convinced that she shouldn't tell Bob after all and instead should let things "come to a head".
Since then, Nina has also told me about how it's exhausting to be invested in this situation and how she needs to take a step back from it and not intervene anymore as it's too emotionally exhausting and she needs to practice self-care instead (she's been complaining of stress/guilt headaches the last couple of days).
While I support her decision to practice self-care and her wellbeing is a priority to me, I think Bob needs to know regardless.
Nina is aware of my opinion and has told me I have her permission to tell Bob and that she won't be mad at me. Even still, I know it would hurt her and by telling Bob, Nina would get thrown under the bus, lose her best friend and suffer the consequences of whatever Zoe may do to try and seem like the good guy. Obviously Nina's wellbeing is a huge priority to me, but I can't help but think that keeping this to ourselves is the wrong choice to make.
I'm feeling really lost right now as to what to do. Nina and I are both aware that Zoe has toxic traits and can be a bad friend at times. We also both think Bob should know (although Nina doesn't think it should come at the price of her own wellbeing).
Would I be the asshole for throwing my girlfriend under the bus to save Bob from wasting his time/energy/emotions on a cheater?
TLDR: Girlfriend's manipulative best friend is cheating. Telling her boyfriend would throw my girlfriend under the bus. Would I be the asshole for doing so anyway?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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b176r1
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{
"description": "refusing to spend time with my grandma",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA if I refuse to spend time with my grandma?
|
Backstory is required but I'll try to keep this short. I'm a sophomore in college. Freshman year I cut ties with my nana after getting tired of her negativity and what I and the rest of my family assume are mental health issues. We were really close when I was growing up but the older I got the more the things she did bothered me as I lost my rose tinted glasses. she's tried to contact me multiple times since then but I have refused her calls. I haven't spoken to her since I cut contact freshman year.
&#x200B;
This week is my spring break; my family is visiting our home state while I'm still in my city. Last night I received a call from an unknown number and then a voicemail where my nana pretty much said she had drove down to my city, and wanted to meet for dinner. I immediately call my mom because frankly I'm weirded out and she knows where I live. I find out she lied to my family who had visited her a few days ago and said she had work the rest of this week, and instead drove all the way here. At that point I'm annoyed she'd put in that position but I figure I'll just ignore her. Today I come into work, I just came back from my lunch break and guess who walks in. I was extremely uncomfortable but talked to her anyways, and she wants to see me tomorrow night and Saturday night. Frankly I'm pissed, I cut contact with her, have refused contact up to this point, and she shows up to essentially strongarm me into spending time with her.
&#x200B;
I couldn't say no to her face so I said I'd get back to her on Friday and Saturday but I really don't want to. And I think she tried to guilt me intentionally or not by saying she drove all this way just to see me. AITA if I just ignore her and don't see her this weekend?
&#x200B;
TL;DR Grandma who I cut contact with shows up from a state over to try to force me into spending time with her.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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C7mi5ptIR4kHw0nfETKq3aKRcLtJfrMx
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9ym2n3
|
{
"description": "ripping my friends £10 note",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ripping my friends £10 note?
|
My friend and I are in most of the same classes and yesterday he said to me “Hey, if you can take this tenner of me, it is yours.” He was holding it with his 2 hands and he had a firm grip.
I jokingly said “Well time for some money.” And I quickly snatched the £10 note of him. I am from the UK and our notes are make of a plastic fibre I think it is.
When I snatched it of him it tore into two pieces, one large piece and one smaller one. He got mad and said that I now owe him a tenner. AITA or is he being unreasonable?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
LXtWJ6S0ldtPJLECl7qLAlhdtTGzTkk8
|
9t8web
|
{
"description": "leaving a toxic friendship",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving a toxic friendship?
|
I'd like to give some background first. I'm almost 19 and at the time of this happening I was 17 while the friend in question was 18. It was an online friendship- she lived in Georgia and I lived in Connecticut so the difference wasn't as bad as some but it was still big. She was the only friend of my original friend group who was still around, and we had met when I was maybe 13-14, while she was a year older, and one might assume she was the more mature one. I assure you she wasn't.
Sorry this is long and rambly it was 2 years ago and so I'm rusty and just trying to remember everything
&#x200B;
We'll call her... Rabbit. I don't feel like using her real name. Anyway, it started, honestly, the first friend group fight we had. Another girl caused a big stink because we made a bandwagon on deviantart (had to have been in 2014) for pokemon, and so had she, and she got angry. I forget why she was so angry but this isn't about her, this is about Rabbit. Rabbit had access to my account and hid all of the other girl's comments so that it seemed like I was the bad one. At the time I thought she was protecting me but... One night my other friend told me that he didn't really trust Rabbit. I naively continued my friendship with Rabbit.
Fast forward to when it was just me and Rabbit. Now, listen, I was an asshole back then because I had just had my first heartbreak, and I talk very loudly. I guess her family heard me talking loudly and said I was yelling at her- and hell, maybe I was? But I don't think I was yelling at HER, more like yelling TO her. I had a lot of anger at the time from bullying, etc. A lot of time Rabbit wanted to RP ( honestly thinking about it a lot of them were cringeworthy and maybe worthy of the creepy asterisks subredddit ) the same things. She LOVED Osomatsu-san and when I said I didn't want to, she threw a fit and told me that it was her coping mechanism. So I went along with it.
&#x200B;
The bad things happened when I called her a bitch in an RP, as a character. She told me 'I don't think that character would say that so you must think that about me!' when I told her no, that wasn't it, she yelled at me saying that her family, who had heard her yelling at her (from before which was why I added that in) had asked her why she was still friends with me. Funny enough my mother asked the same question- why was I friends with her when she was causing me to be extremely depressed? I was young. I thought she needed my help.
I still feel horrible about what I did next. I told her we needed a break. She got upset but agreed. It happened around her birthday, so when I said I needed another break she got very angry and said 'first i'm ignored on my birthday now this.' I needed the break because I was stressed as all hell and it was making me sick. She was a year behind me in school though she was a year older, so I was graduating and the struggle was hard to keep up friendship which was already going down in flames and to focus on my graduation. I cried a lot, and I do mean a lot.
&#x200B;
I told her I needed that break and I never talked to her again. I felt horrible, but I thought maybe eventually I would talk to her again. Now another thing I need to say is that I apologize for anything I do wrong, even if it's minor. So when she messaged me on Instagram out of the blue I was upset. I don't remember the exact contents of the message, and I wish I'd kept the screenshot I had taken to show my mom, but this is roughly what she said.
"It's clear that this isn't a break this is just lets get this girl out of my life, but I wasn't the only one who did things wrong. you never accepted your faults and never apologized. I put you up on a pedestal, but you never did anything for me. I don't want you to respond to this, it'll be better if you don't." Though it was much longer than just that, berating me for being a bad friend. But often she shamed me for the things I liked, but if I ever even teased her about what she liked she'd throw a fit and get all depressed. I'm not the only one that has had the problem with her either.
So, am I the asshole? I feel super bad about it even today and it's been almost 2 years. There's a lot I left out that happened with her, mostly because I don't remember most of it so I wouldn't be a reliable narrator on it, but that was the most depressed I've ever been in my life. Sorry for the length.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Ze5I4A0gXMU5gMRyjkR9pEdNAFnY6ZC7
|
avv0yk
|
{
"description": "making my brother clean up my mess alone",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For making my brother clean up my mess alone
|
Usual I'm on a mobile and formatting apology.
On with the story.
In my house we have a rule that if you cook you don't clean. Except my mum doesn't clean up. Usually me and my brother clean up together because my mum cooks however my mum had just got back from a trip to London which is about a 2 hour train ride each way. She had asked us both to cook dinner as she was really tired.
We decided on something that didn't really take much work as neither of us could be bothered. I stated cutting potatoes and stuff and he was just standing around doing nothing. There were things he could be doing but I didn't really need that much help as I was only putting things in the oven then microwaving my mum's meal.
So once I had sorted the chips out my brother just walked off and started playing on his playstation. I didn't mind because he wasn't much help but I was a little annoyed that he just decided to walk off. I finished cooking and we all ate and everything was good. However before we started cooking my mum had asked us both to cook and clean but I didn't think it was fair that I had to cook and clean when I had cooked on my own so I walked up to my room and I could hear my brother throwing a Mardy downstairs about it and I feel really bad. Am I The Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
GuTyTHASJxP6Ux8NBrLFJzLiyOpiqa3o
|
b8ino9
|
{
"description": "basing my decision of in which language to address someone on their race/skin color",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I base my decision of in which language to address someone on their race/skin color?
|
Obviously, English is not my first language, otherwise I would not be having this problem.
The town I'm studying in is predominantly white. However, there is a lot of international students at my university. To give you an idea: about 70% of the students in my masters program are international students. Since it's not a requirement for them to learn my language and the classes are in English, the only way we can communicate is in English.
I used to address every stranger in my language if they were white and in English if they where not. In like 95% of the cases, I was right about which language they spoke. A while back I addressed a non-white stranger in English, who got really offended that I assumed that he was foreign and didn't know the language, since he was a local. It got me thinking and I decided it might be a bit prejudiced, if not racist, of me to assume a not-white person is not local. So I tried to find a solution.
At first, I addressed everyone in English, independently of their appearance. In hindsight, that was a stupid idea. The person I offended would still be offended if I acted this way. Furthermore, I had some conversations with people in English where we both struggled to find the right words and only later realized we both had the same native language.
Since that didn't work, I started addressing everyone in my native language. This lead to a lot of confused and nervous looks and I had to repeat myself a lot in English. I myself also get nervous if someone addresses me in a language I don't know, so I can imagine it's not fun for them either.
So since neither systems seem to work as well as my old one did and lead to a lot of confusion, WIBTA if I revert back to my old ways? If you think I would be TA, please let me know what you think I should do in this situation so I would not be.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
sxCCzKspoQSDqICHqPt8gwt2K7xUMq0J
|
arnomi
|
{
"description": "not tipping before a delivery",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not tipping before a delivery
|
First time posting so I apologize if anything is wrong with it. Also on mobile so I apologize for any formatting issues.
Anyway my boyfriend and I ordered lunch from one of the app based delivery services. And all was fine and dandy except they ask you to tip the driver before the order has even been placed. This was something that I was uncomfortable doing for many reasons, most notably that if my order is wrong/food has been damaged/just never arrives for whatever reason then I’m out of that money that I maybe wouldn’t have wanted to give away otherwise. And could how much I tip or not tip affect the service I would be getting in anyway? As delivery driver for a shopping service myself, if I knew my order had already been tipped I probably wouldn’t be as worried about making a good impression as I would have been if I still had to earn my tip.
Now, I was planning to tip, just after the delivery had been made. But according to the boyfriend that wasn’t possible to do in the app. Which was fine, I would and could tip cash when the order arrived no big deal. But my boyfriend (who has also been a delivery driver) was offended and saw my refusal to tip before the delivery had been made as an asshole thing to do.
So, ATIA for not tipping before the delivery had been made?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
hP4n6yBj9cQw4mMPoddLWzMUO7UlBb1w
|
ah8ks5
|
{
"description": "throwing a drink at my cousin",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for throwing a drink at my cousin?
|
Alright so I have an intense phobia or cockroaches. I grew up in Mexico and lived with them during my youth but once we moved to the states i basically stopped seeing them. Ever since I moved to the states and visited Mexico though I would have an intense repulsion to roaches, I was disgusted by them and afraid of even being in the same room as them. My whole family knows this. As a matter of fact my mom also shares this hatred of them. That being said though, my whole family took a vacation to Hawaii and stayed at an Airbnb. You can probably guess, but there were roaches in the Airbnb. And I don't mean small ones, I'm talking full on 2 inch long tropical flying cockroaches. I was fucking shook. On day one, my step dad kills one with Raid, picks it up with a napkin and brings it into my room to scare me with it. I freak out and everyone hears my reaction. The next couple of days my family leaves a lobster bobblehead fridge magnet to spook me, outside my room door. It got old and i got upset so I just broke it. Yesterday, my cousin caught a live roach and put it in a Pringles can. She offered me some Pringles and much to my delight there was a huge roach at the bottom of the can. I had a drink in my hand, and out of disgust and anger I threw it at her and her fiance who was happily playing along with the joke. Everyone in my family said I needed to apologize and that I was overreacting. I didn't apologize. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
lSbN2YlfItKa2z82RJZ7gQqLunv5Ge3H
|
9vsfcw
|
{
"description": "wanting to see my ring first",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to see my ring first?
|
For an early Christmas gift my boyfriend is buying me a ring. I haven’t seen pictures of it because I want it to be a surprise. Our friends and family have seen pictures because he wanted to know if they think I’d like it. I’m totally fine with that, it’s a picture of the ring on a website.
But he was ordering it today and he was saying he’s gonna send it to his mom’s. No big deal. But I told him that I want to be able to see it first before we show everyone the real ring. He didn’t understand, saying he wants to show his mom and sisters the ring first and then give it to me.
I didn’t understand why he wanted to show them first and I told him I’d appreciate it if I were the one to see it first and if he could just ship it to our address. He says he sends all important mail to his mom’s and when he gets it he wants to be able to show it to his family. We went back and forth for a few minutes and I was basically saying that I would really appreciate it if he and I were the first ones to see the actual ring when it’s delivered and I know his mom will pester him about seeing it first if it’s shipped to her house. She won’t open his mail, but she will ask him to open it and show her and, honestly, I don’t like the thought of others seeing the physical ring before me.
I think he finally agreed to ship it to our address but he’s not too happy about it. So am I the asshole for asking him to let me be the first one to see it? Was I being unreasonable and am I being unreasonable with telling him I’d prefer to see it first before we show his family and my own family?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
i8Zk1iBHMURYaGYavxybp8LMD9tYl8Gl
|
ac22i5
|
{
"description": "wanting my in-laws to be independent",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting my in-laws to be independent?
|
I'm an American married to a Filipina, we've been together for 5 years married for 2. We live in the United States.
We met while teaching in Japan where we made approximately 25k USD/year which was enough to get by, but every month she would send money back to her family in the Philippines. Once we got serious and moved in together this never stopped. She'd defend it as "well it's my money!" but then use the money I made to cover things like dinners and outings.
Currently we're back in the United States and making more money, but she's sending a solid percentage of it back. We're at the point where we're really just making enough to cover our expenses and not paying off the credit card debt we accumulated from starting our lives here in the US. All of the money I make goes to our credit card (which we still use), health insurance for both of us, and retirement. Since we are waiting for her degree to be evaluated she hasn't started her career yet and is working jobs that don't come with benefits, so our pay checks are about the same after my deductions. She sends approximately 200-300 dollars per month which I feel we should be putting in retirement, paying off our credit card, or moving out of our shoe-box apartment.
My frustrations also stem from her family there. We help her mom with some spending money and purchase medicines for her, which I am absolutely 100% on board with, her mom sacrificed a lot for my wife to be able to attend college and deserves all the help we can give. My issue stems with two of her brothers. The oldest brother is \~30, didn't finish high school, has never had a job other than driving a motorcycle around for a few months as a taxi, is covered in tattoos which is a big cultural no-no over there, and has an elementary aged son. He, his son, and his girlfriend live in the house my wife purchased rent free. I feel that at his age there's no reason for us to support him, that we're making it too easy for him to exist doing nothing and we're going to be stuck taking care of him forever. I've turned numb to "medical emergencies" and any other reason they need money.
Her other brother is a college student, very smart guy and lives at home with us as well. We pay his college tuition which is dirt cheap \~250/quarter I'm totally cool with him living rent free in the house there and I can grin-and-bear paying his tuition because it's so cheap, but part of me also feels that I'm $80,000 in debt for my university studies that I'll be paying on for a long time, why can't he go $4000?
I understand the culture is different, I understand it's her family and she loves them, but I see the money she spends on them as depriving us of moving forward and establishing a better future while money is still tight.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
qcDnhoeU6HGdwrY2goCCEfqJnveRxljz
|
axwr84
|
{
"description": "going through my boyfriend's phone if I found something",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 18
}
|
AITA for going through my boyfriend’s phone if I found something?
|
My boyfriend and I have been dating for four months. He often brings up his ex-girlfriend in conversation and at strange times. It always makes me uneasy and suspicious that he still might have feelings for her or be actively talking to her (something that I did upfront ask him about, but was met with reassurance that I was the only one).
The other night, he was sound asleep next to his phone. I’ve seen him put in his password a million times, so I knew what it was. It was so easy to just pick it up and have a look. I had to know if there was something going on.
I found messages with his ex, telling her that her photos were making him “thirsty,” and that he missed her and wanted to meet up with her. I also found messages to his friend, claiming that he has “like 3 girlfriends.”
I’m so shocked and hurt by these messages, but I know that I have no moral high ground, considering I chose to invade his privacy by searching his phone. I have no idea how to bring this up to him without admitting that I’ve also done something awful and wrong.
Am I the asshole for snooping? Or was I justified in following my intuition that something was wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
JYI4KqveV1kfmTADX4k7M6nIaBbdr5Ws
|
agpyyj
|
{
"description": "upsetting my Ex and getting blocked",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for upsetting my Ex and getting blocked?
|
Alright, a quick summary of the events that led to this.
I dated this girl for a year in total, but after our first month long break up about 8 consecutive months. We got in a few fights and eventually the week before Christmas her mother was diagnosed with Lymphoma. Due to the stress of that and our pre-existing issues, she broke up with me. We then had a random run in two days later and began talking and hanging out again. Effectively the same as we were before, only without being in a "committed relationship". I was sort of under the impression we would work things out and get back together. I wanted to be there for this difficult time regardless of our issues.
Fast forward to a week later. We were back to staying together and having sex like we did when we were together. I had told her that despite our issues I wanted to be there for her so I was. It was effectively the same as we'd been before we broke up without an "official" title. After a week or so of this we got in another fight, on a Saturday morning about me hitting the snooze on her alarm and making her 10 minutes late to work. This then caused her to "break up" with me again, and say "you can't even fix your issues when we're not even in a relationship". I apologized and said I was sorry. She then told me we were totally done, with absolutely no chance of ever getting back together. She said I'd blown all of my chances and there wouldn't be any more. This was a Saturday afternoon.
I went no contact and on the following Wednesday she called me hysterical, having found out some negative info about her mother's cancer. She wanted to come to my house and decompress since it's close to her work and she had a key. I had conveniently called in that day so I was there. I agreed anyway and she came over, cried on my shoulder, the whole nine. I then bought her dinner and ended up staying at her house again. The next day we went back to more limited contact, but still texting a bit throughout the day. She then got sick over the following weekend (last Sunday). I ended up taking her to the ER and then taking care of her that night and staying again. The next night (Monday), she was asleep on the couch while I was there taking care of her and she did some talking in her sleep that sounded like "Fuck me Charles". Now, Charles is the best friend of her absolutely toxic and awful best friend. When she woke up I asked her what that was about, and she admitted that she had been having sex with him, had done it multiple times, with the first time being the Sunday night after she "broke up" with me the day before, for hitting the snooze. I asked her how many times she'd done it and if she was going to continue doing that. She said she had done it a few times and could do whatever she wanted since we weren't together. Now, I know we aren't together so there technically isn't anything wrong with that, but it hurt me because I still love her and wanted to be with her and try to fix things, despite her obvious lack of interest in doing so.
&#x200B;
Now, here's the part that brings me to this sub and asks Am I The Asshole? Once I found out she was already having sex with someone, not two days after we had slept together. I told her that I loved her and wanted to be with her and be there for her, but couldn't stick around and hear about her having sex with someone else. It's just too hard for me to do that. I then told her that I know she's having a hard time, but I think our issues were really aggravated by her sick mother and that she's been unraveling a bit and this sex with the other guy seemed like a reach for something to fill that hole. She went off of me and said I was being hurtful on purpose and was even "gas-lighting" her. She then said she doesn't ever want to talk to me and doesn't want me to be able to talk to her so she blocked my number. So I ask you fair redditors, Am I The Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
91p4KciJIGipMd8nJTyf8cx9V8oVmECx
|
a7qrly
|
{
"description": "telling my friend I don't want to have Christmas Dinner in his distopian Pan-optical Nightmare House",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for Telling My Friend I Don't Want to Have Christmas Dinner in his Distopian Pan-optical Nightmare House?
|
TL;DR at the end, since I can ramble.
**Background:**
So I'm a bit of a loner. My family lives far away, most of my true friends live far away, and I generally am much more comfortable alone with my dog than with any other person. My family has learned to accept that I am not a reliable guest for holiday gatherings, so when the holidays come and I don't feel like driving 3 hours to be uncomfortable in a crowd, everyone just gets it and moves on with their plans.
Last year my personal solitude festival got cancelled when a coworker who I'm pretty chummy with at work heard about my plans to do absolutely nothing for Christmas and was horrified at the idea of *someone being alone at Christmas.* He invited me to his home since they didn't have anything special planned, have no kids, and his parents were on a cruise or something. I didn't want to make him understand how happy I am when I can look forward to a quiet day of not being bothered, so I said yes, bought them a gift and made the effort.
I pretty much hate all kinds of socializing, so when I go to a new gathering of this type and don't return feeling like a complete waste of skin, it's a victory. Anyway, the people were mellow, the food was good, the gifts were no more awkward than coworker gifts tend to be. It almost went fine, except for one thing.
**The Problem:**
Sometime after dinner he shows me his cool new security system which has a video doorbell and about a half dozen cameras constantly recording and cloud saving the video around the INSIDE of the house. Now at this point, I should mention I am what doctors refer to as a bit of a fat fuck. Whenever I do go out and socialize I am consumed by shame a rage about being overweight and can barely think of anything other than how I must look like shit, and I'm probably making people uncomfortable, and everyone has got to be noticing that I'm sweating in a room they find cool, etc. etc. The mere idea that someone would take out their phone and start taking pictures is a nightmare for me, because then it all gets ten times worse in my mind since now there's time to scrutinize the image forever and do god knows what with it.
And here's my gracious host showing me cloud storage video of me hugging his wife when they greeted me at the door in which I look like a fleece rhinoceros trying to smother a harp seal to death. I wanted to nope the fuck out of there like he'd just thrown a million spiders on me but he was just beaming at me saying "how cool is that"?! So I pretended everything was fine, went home mentally shitting myself and tried to just forget about it for the next year.
**The Offense:**
Basically, that time of year came again, I am hoping to do absolutely nothing (and the coworker knows) and he's invited me over again. And I want to say "hell, no!". He's cool and his wife is nice, but his home is basically a torture device designed to inflict the most punishment possible on an anxiety case like me. I can't just say "no" because he knows I don't have other plans, and I still don't want him thinking nothing is a better option than his place. So, would I be the asshole if I just said it really freaks me out to spend an evening under personal surveillance?? I realize I'm overly sensitive to it because of my anxieties, but do I get a pass because of that? Is there any chance that this is something normal people find creepy too?
TL;DR Last year, I had Xmas dinner at a friend's house and was so weirded out about being on camera the whole time, I don't want to accept his invitation to do the same again this year.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
T6YsF3t4zKYxWn9lSaLSoHW7h9G61eQe
|
akocpe
|
{
"description": "getting cross about family members returning gifts",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting cross about family members returning gifts?
|
Brother is having first baby and as I have lots of stuff that we won't use I have given him some bits. I made sure that they were all clean and in really good condition. However after a couple of weeks he has messaged to say he doesn't want some of them and do I want them back? I feel quite hurt as we had some gifts, when we had newborns, that weren't necessarily to our taste but we thanked the givers and didn't let on that we didn't want them. We either donated or passed on to others that we know.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
h0OIMdW4J7DAnoflXo1q9mhuPdzmMYrA
|
aje1qy
|
{
"description": "taking a job I knew I wouldn't finish, to receive some late payment",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for taking a job I knew I wouldn't finish, to receive some late payment
|
I'll try to tell the events as neutrally as possible ,
Early 2017 a company in my hometown hired me as a freelancer to do some web development, it was a small start-up and the guy paid me for all the work I've done for six months , so I somewhat trusted him.
After about 8 months of work the dude calls me , said he had an argument with his associate and the project was going to go on a halt.
So we negotiate to a payment for my current job, since I already put my time on that and told him I felt it was fair I didn't work for free, he said ok and we negotiated a fair value let's say it totalled 1000... then I never her from him for 10 months...
Once upon a friday he calls me on asking for a quote and telling me he wants to pay everything he owes me and I should just add the value to the quote, He further asks me to split it 50/50 and I send him the bill for $2000 split in two.
He paid the 1000 and that was the last time we spoke
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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