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eMPGZUg7MC0SIXV7zc1FiLNzzzqWpYXb
|
ac9a2p
|
{
"description": "not giving a homeless person some food that they requested",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving a homeless person some food that they requested?
|
I was on the subway to work and a homeless women was walking up and down the train asking for some spare change. Rather than giving them a few dollars, I decided that I would give them something from my lunch. I had an extra apple and banana in my lunch that day so I offered that to them. They rudely declined my offer and asked if I had anything else to eat, looking into my lunch bag. I had my main meal and a couple of snacks, but since I had two apples and two bananas, that’s what I thought to offer. I said that I didn’t have anything else to give them and they called me an asshole and walked away. People around me on the train agreed with my decision of not offering anything else, but others looked disgusted and one lady called me “privileged”.
AITA for not giving them what they wanted?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
a96YzdWB3jQYWK8hWLrpRHaUva5gScqp
|
agd4jt
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{
"description": "wanting to better my life",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to better my life
|
AITA: So here’s the story. Got out of a bad relationship 2 months ago, got a job within two weeks of me leaving. I have two kids.
I’ve gotten everything but two things off my list that I’ve wanted to do. My license and my GED so I can go to school and obtain a science degree.
Problem is, my family seems like they are against me furthering my education. I told my grandmother the other day and she told me she thinks me having a job and going to school will take away from my kids.. that made me feel horrible. I don’t want time away from my kids. I just want to give them a great life.
Second, everyone thinks I’m taking on too much at one time. But I’m not. I honestly feel like I’m slacking when I’m not on what I set my goals to be but now that I’m trying to accomplish everything, everyone’s making me feel like an asshole for wanting to go to school and I’m not budging on it. I’m going to school. This will be part time and when I’m not at work, I ALWAYS have my kids. I never go out with friends. I barely even have any.
My daughter is in school during the day (6), my son is 3 and is currently watched by my grandmother but I pay her, and buy her whatever he/she needs throughout the day..
Am I the asshole for being stern on going to school?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
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}
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OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ffhzG9xLDNCqHRi1Sz3TJPOpH7IRIwS5
|
b4iyui
|
{
"description": "not noticing my shift changed",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA: I didn’t notice my shift changed
|
I got my schedule at around noon yesterday. It had me scheduled at 7 for today. My boss sent a revised schedule at 130 and again at 215 I didn’t notice the 130 one and looked at the 215 one. It had one change stated on the email body, but was for another employee so so I didn’t think to even open the actual revised schedule he sent. Then he sent another revision later last night. I saw that when I came in and realized I was changed to 8.
I then looked at the other revisions and noticed they all said 8 as well.
Am I the asshole for not picking up on this?
I text my boss this morning to let him know of the confusion and he gave me a bit of an attitude stating that the revision was sent out before I clocked out and such. I just agreed that I should have looked a little closer and apologized.
He kept me in at 7 but I offered to have him change my swipe in from 7 to 8 so I could stay later and not get overtime.
I just feel like an asshole now.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
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|
RIGHT
|
9pJxDAq4ciK9gPipxoGxJjn1Z575AEAS
|
ai37fw
|
{
"description": "sleeping with my friend's long-time crush? is girl-code real",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for sleeping with my friend's long-time crush? Is girl-code real?
|
I've been friends with Sarah since we were in the 7th grade, not BEST friends but always tight. Like 3rd tier BFF, if you know what I'm saying. Anyway - there's a guy in our friend group, Dylan, who I used to be in a FWB relationship with when we all lived in the same town. No one really knew about it, but I'm sure it got around a little. Idc. I moved colleges though, and nearly 3 years passed since I spoke more than a 'Happy birthday' or 'merry christmas' to either Dylan or Sarah.
​
When I moved back home, one of the first people I reconnected with was Sarah. We went to dinner and she and I ended up having a long, 2hr+ conversation in her car about how she and Dylan had been hanging out a lot together a year before, and she'd fallen in love - only to be rejected by him later. I felt bad for her because I thought it was such a long time to still be so hurt over a boy. I was going through a break-up at that time too so we bonded that night, but got caught up in life and didn't see each other again for like 5 months.
​
5 months later I'm at a local party and Dylan is there. We're really flirty and touchy and end up making out near the end of the night, and I know some of my mutual friends told Sarah about it. I had totally forgotten she liked him. In my head i rationalized it by thinking it'd been nearly a year and a half since Sarah and Dylan, so hopefully she was over him and didn't feel betrayed by me. I told myself I would have to be super discrete if I rekindled the FWB w Dylan, but we kind of haven't been. Since then to now there's been 2 parties were Sarah will be in the vicinity and he and I are being flirtatious and end up leaving together.
​
In my head I feel like its logically okay and not my responsibility. But another part of me feels guilty and like I should have been more sensitive to Sarah on the basis of some kind of girl-code. AITA?
​
TLDR; my close friend told me she had a short-lived thing with a mutual guy-friend who I used to f\*ck during freshman yr of college. He curved her 1 year ago. 6 mo later I f\*cked him again casually, and I'm pretty sure she knows. I don't know what to think or how to feel about my actions.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
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}
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NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
DwPtP5CzDu0ZPuFdb6jHrDX6cEjCYiOo
|
au2d70
|
{
"description": "not attending a high school friend's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not attending a high school friend’s wedding?
|
I’m 24 and currently in grad school. My friend, who’s 23, got engaged a few months ago and married officially in December. She had to get married early since she’s in the military and wanted to get reassigned with her fiancé, and there was a deadline coming up. She did have a few family members and such at the December wedding, but now she’s having a larger “wedding” and reception in April. We were pretty close in high school. We competed in the same sport, took very similar classes, and hung out with the same people. I wouldn’t call her a best friend, and she wouldn’t call me one either I’m sure, but we spent a lot of time together over the course of 4 years. Since graduating, we rarely speak. We might see each other once a year around Christmas, but other than that we never talk. Nevertheless, I received an invite to her wedding about a month ago and RSVPd “no”today, explaining that I can’t really afford to go right now with a graduate student salary. Part of me thinks that there will be so many people at the wedding that she won’t even notice I’m not there. The same part also thinks that she’s only inviting me because she feels like she has to. Another part of me, however, feels really shitty about RSVPing “no” because her inviting me suggests she does want me there and isn’t just inviting me to be nice. (There really isn’t a point to niceties anymore since we live so far away from each other and have no need to maintain a relationship).
Aside from not feeling like we have a strong enough friendship for it to matter whether or not I go, I’m also not in a great position to attend. Money is tight since I’m in grad school. I have some saved up so could technically attend, but it would be a huge hit that I’m not entirely comfortable taking (with hotel, airfare, transportation, and a gift it would cost around $800). It’s also the end of my first year in school, and mid-April is right when finals will be starting. I need to do well in these finals in order to prepare myself for my comprehensive exams that will take place shortly after finals. Taking a weekend off doesn’t seem like a big deal, but I’m worried about doing too much and burning out when it counts.
Basically, I feel like I have conflicting responsibilities. I can either be financially and academically responsible and not attend, or I could take on the responsibility to be there for an old friend on a day that means a lot to her (without knowing whether or not my presence means anything at all). Ultimately, I feel like it’s more important to focus on studying and being financially secure than attending the wedding of a friend I rarely speak to anymore. AITA for deciding not to go?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Eok0SiFhpkwQCkwB5b4QJOMMq2btOq0a
|
an0te6
|
{
"description": "getting annoyed at a friend for texting last minute he couldn't make it to a social at house",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting annoyed at a friend for texting last minute he couldn’t make it to a social at house.
|
In the beginning of January I organized a social gathering at my flat to play a few board games and play some video games at the end of the month.
There would of been about 12 people in total but a few didn’t reply so maybe about 9 said they were coming.
Day comes. I get a cancellation in the morning due to a friends brother passing out meaning 2 people wouldn’t be coming the two people were a relationship). I felt this was understandable.
I texted another friend to see if him and his girlfriend were coming they originally said they were. Didn’t get a reply.
Then I texted another friend who said he was coming not just once but twice, on the day I first organized the gathering and a few days later.
He didn’t reply till about 2 hours before my gathering was about to happen (on a Sunday at about 18:00) He told me he had work to do.
At this point ill admit I got a little annoyed only two people were now coming to something I organized a few weeks beforehand. So I kinda just went out at the last minute friend. I told it it was a f*cking piss take that people have no communication. I had also spent a bit of money on this event I bought like 6 other controllers and some food and drink.
I told him why didn’t he just text me earlier at least. I mean if you have work (he works as Tech support and no he doesn’t have to drop everything if he gets a call) they tend to give you plenty of notice to come in.
A few hours later his wife (they married quite young and they even have a kid) telling me how dare I speak to last minute friend like that. And basically told me she won’t be inviting me to any future events. I had calmed down a little by then and I did eventually apologize to the guy but I don’t think I was particularly that harsh on him. I did still say I think I had enough reason to be a little annoyed at people. Anyway his wife’s basically kicked me out of the friendship group and blocked me on social media.
Oh and I did eventually get a text from another friend who originally said they could make it (he would have brought his girlfriend as well).
He told me he was at work. This was at 11pm....
I decided not to reply to him Incase of any other future drama. But I think he knows I’m pissed off with him as well.
Anyway do you guys think IATA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ooNCyut9KHrNcpHjc54IzoBzXLARwvIL
|
b1a5qr
|
{
"description": "thinking my brother's ex gf is faking pregnancy and asking for proof",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for thinking my brother's [18] ex gf [25] is faking pregnancy and asking for proof?
|
Hi fellow assholes, or not assholes, or whatever!
I am on the fence about this, I've felt really weird about it all from the beginning, and my family and I just don't know what to think about the situation in its entirety. Link for screenshots included!
Let's start from the beginning, April 2018. She lived in an apartment in our hometown that was leased by her deployed military fiance. My brother and his high school friends played basketball at the courts there, conveniently located just outside her building. They all got to talking one day, these 17 year old boys thought she was hot shit, and all fell in love with her. She would bring them all into her apartment, they'd hang out, party, and prob do a bunch of things that older sisters don't want to know about. For reference, I'm a year older than she is. For whatever reason, she became infatuated with my brother. They started a relationship. Our parents found out and weren't happy; mostly because he was a minor, but also because she was cheating on her fiance. They were worried this dude was gonna catch her and my brother together and that some bad things would happen.
She broke it off with her fiance to be in a relationship with my brother and moved home to her family in another state. When her family asked why she was leaving her fiance, she said he was abusive to her and she was no longer safe (I can't say whether that is true or untrue, but doubt, seeing as he had been deployed for at least 4 months before she moved back to her parents). My brother graduated and turned 18. This is his first relationship, and they've been together ever since.
He just went to visit her from Feb 16-19, this year. They had a great time. But I guess people and feelings change. Friday, my brother broke up with her. I'm not entirely certain on all of the details as I haven't really heard her side of things, but I know he felt like they didnt have much in common, and he wants to focus on going to college. He wasn't a jerk about it, and she even posted (publicly) about how she respected how maturely he handled it on Facebook.
Tuesday, I get a call from my mom. "Well, you know how I used to joke how [youngest brother] would make me a grandma first? Yeah." Surprise, ex girlfriend is allegedly pregnant.
I gathered my thoughts, consulted some wise people on the subject, talked to my brother about it and asked his permission to speak with her about it (yes), and then very carefully concocted a Facebook message to confront her with.
The timeline doesn't make sense to me and I feel like she is lying to try and get him to feel sorry for breaking her heart. I genuinely felt that if she didn't have anything to hide, sending me a picture of the UA results would be okay.
So, I ask you, r/AmITheAsshole ??
Link to ss of messages and the events that have transpired: https://imgur.com/a/L2IyMKi
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
O3uCmolVId1xPtxX0CpiLctDqnv0ua8C
|
b2wgt0
|
{
"description": "purposely parking against the line on the driver's side",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for purposely parking against the line on the driver's side?
|
A few notes; I have a full sized truck, live in an apartment building, and have an infant still in a huge reverse car seat.
Getting the kiddo in and out of the truck requires the door to be pretty far open and I'm terrified of hitting another car with the door so I park as close to the opposite line as I can without being on it. This leaves my passenger side with a crap ton of room and allows me not to worry.
This doesn't leave much room for me to get out or the person next to me to get in so I always try to park in the last spot but it's not always available. I pull in my mirrors when next to another large vehicle to try and help with the spacing but am I still the asshole for knowingly giving the other person less room to get in and out if I'm still technically in my spot? I tried to post a picture but I'm not sure how the other people did that so I will try and post one in the comments.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
V98rilNEoD3p8Mx99FlzV7cQkNDWh145
|
b9lwyf
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go to my graduation banquet",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go to my graduation banquet?
|
I'm a senior in high school and graduation is coming up. In my high school we do a graduation ceremony in the day then a graduation banquet at night. I will go to my graduation ceremony but I don't want to go to my graduation banquet. The biggest reasons why I don't want to go, are because its kind of pricey (I would need to pay for the banquet ticket and buying a dress) and I honestly can't justify spending so much money on something I don't consider to be worth it to me. I recently got accepted to a very good university, that's not in my city, so I would have to move. That's going to drive up my university costs so I would much rather save my money for university or spend it on something that would better my daily life. All of my friends are now going (or got pressured in to going by other friends) but I still don't want to go. They keep arguing with me about "how it's a once in a lifetime chance", "how I'll regret it" and "how I was going to end up buying some materialistic item instead so I should my money to pay for this once in a lifetime chance." But I don't find just eating a dinner and dancing around to be something super interesting to me. All of my friends are working some type of job on the side so it is much easier for them to afford it but I don't work so its harder for me. They have said that I should ask my parents for the money (I know if I ask them they'll say yes) but I would feel so bad and that it's a waste by using their hard earned money for something I don't that I don't even want to go to.
The graduation banquet is set up so you are in tables of typically 8 people. You have to hand in a sheet of paper with whose going to be in your table (if you don't have 8 people they'll put other random people at your table). I told my friends back in September/October that I didn't want to go and back then they simply said that I should go but they didn't push it. Come April now, when you have to hand in the sheet with whose going to be at your table, they are struggling to find 8 people to fill their table. I told them back in September/October that I didn't want to go so they would have plenty of time to find someone else to join their table. I told one of my friends (who keeps really pushing me to go) that she has other friends and she can ask one of her other friends to join the table. She said that because some of my friends (the ones who got pressured in to going) said maybe, that they told their other friends that some people were still deciding and that couldn't guarantee their other friends a spot at the table. So by now, most of their other friends already found a different table. But she also replied asking why I was so mean. I'm honestly clueless as to why she thinks I was being so mean just because I didn't want to go to my graduation banquet.
So AITA for not wanting to goto my own graduation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
4u8zpJeTltdT75dYeFLu5PelFLmxNadf
|
b06wiv
|
{
"description": "not wishing my sister a happy birthday after going nc",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for not wishing my sister a happy birthday after going NC?
|
I'm 32M, my sister is 29F. She has anger issues, goes on endless racist, homophobic and otherwise hate-filled rants, is verbally abusive, controlling and demanding(you have to tip toe around her because the smallest thing can set her off in a screaming fit). I have tried many times to reason with her regarding her bigotry, but she always sees it as an attack and shouts me down.
However, we were very close for many years. I knew she was troubled and as the older sibling was thinking that in talking it through with her, being there for her, just generally showing her love, that she would slowly start growing out of it. She has always been possessive and controlling of me, but I know it is because she doesn't know better, she can't handle her emotions and withdrawing from her would reinforce her feelings of being all alone against the world.
She is also smart, talented, can be very charming, and has been my emotional support quite a few times. For a period of a few months we were working together through our childhood issues by talking about it, retelling memories, etc. We were pretty tight.
Last year I entered a new relationship. My sister immediately wanted all of us to "hang out". There were a few instances where she acted overly jealous but most of it was underhanded slights and just general talking over my GF and dominating the conversation. My GF was very patient but after a few months snapped back at her. This resulted in my sister exploding in a storm of verbal assault, calling my GF "a b\*tch", "crazy", "Nobody wants you here", "I can see right through you", and finally she slammed her against a wall.
After this I told her that her behavior crossed a line, and that for the time being I need my distance.
Her reply was very angry, she said my GF brainwashed me, clearly my GF wanted to pull me away from the family, and that she will never forget or forgive how I abandoned my sister. She accepted zero responsibility for her own actions. She said she did her best to accept my GF without even knowing her, always inviting her or us to hang out together, and basically had an open heart. She said my whole view of the events is misconstrued.
This happened 3 months ago. We haven't spoken or interacted since. Her birthday is on Saturday, and I am torn between not acknowledging it at all or sending her a simple "Happy Birthday". I do not want to break the NC, but I also know that in her mind she's been wronged, abandoned, it will be very hurtful if I don't wish her a happy birthday. Birthdays have always been a big deal in the family and this would be the first one in our lives that I would not acknowledge.
WIBTA if I don't wish her a happy birthday? I could really appreciate some honest feedback from people. I am genuinely torn by feelings of guilt.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
26LFbxJryXnjoQoyvAkOMVAsFaWOIlOB
|
atjoi5
|
{
"description": "discouraging my girlfriend from following her dream career",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA For discouraging my girlfriend from following her dream career?
|
My girlfriend wants to become a freelance artist. We both still live at home, but have plans to move out soon. Currently she is making money off of commissions, but it’s not even enough to pay for her car insurance, so she is going’s to have to give up her vehicle.
I had to give up my dream of becoming a professional musician, because amateur musician and artist trying to make a living under the same house is recipe for disaster.
Anyway, my girlfriend is so set on following this art career, and originally wanted to pursue 2D animation. Unfortunately, 2D animation is a dying business.
I feel horrible for discouraging her from her dream, and she promised to take up a part time job until her art is financially sufficient, but she wasn’t able to work a part time customer service job living at home because of her anxiety. This worries me because our area has extremely expensive housing.
I have the mentality that our hobbies and careers should be independent, but she completely disagrees and wants to do everything in her power to make sure she works a job that she loves every second of.
Am I wrong for being worried about our future financial stability? She’s taking art classes in school right now and she’s stressed because she can’t afford her next semester of school.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 11,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
RIGHT
|
xX0DSY4PYkMil2sxmg56VE6w423bRR1x
|
a8o6u9
|
{
"description": "being pretty disappointed with my Reddit Secret Santa",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being pretty disappointed with my Reddit Secret Santa?
|
For the reddit secret Santa exchange, there are very simple rules. Spend around 20 USD (more if you want), actually send your gift to your person, confirm the receipt of your gift. You can elect to match with people from a different country if you want, but there’s a big warning that international shipping can be quite expensive that you must acknowledge.
I signed up be to an international reddit secret Santa this year, primarily because I thought it would be really fun and interesting to give / receive a little unfamiliar culture with some international neighbors.
I did a ton of research into my match’s country, figured out what they do and do not have access to there, and sent a little of what their particular interest was along with a little culture from my country.
I had a blast being a Santa! I had a ton of fun doing the research and learning about their culture, the things they are into, etc. It was quite expensive to ship from my country to theirs (around 80 USD), but I kind of expected that, and reddit did have a *very explicit* warning about this, so no worries there.
As much fun as I had gifting (believe me, It was a ton of fun), I was just as excited to have an encounter with someone outside of my country. When my gift was marked as shipped, I was super excited. I spent a ton of time tracking what times they accessed my information, when stuff was marked as shipped, etc to try to figure out where they were from.
It took roughly a week for me to see the tracking number. Seeing where it entered my country, I was trying even more to try to figure out where it came from based on geography and international flights, etc. I was so excited.
Then I received my gift. It was from a local vendor, nothing that I wouldn’t have been able to pick up from any local shop. Didn’t seem to be very thoughtful, even for a domestic gift. Where I thought the package entered my country is actually where it originated.
Don’t get me wrong, I am very appreciative that someone spent the time and money to get something for me. The cost is irrelevant to me, i know that there is a ~20 USD recommendation and all of that. What I was excited about was receiving something, ya know, foreign. What’s the point of signing up to participate internationally if you’re not going to share something special with another part of the world?
Am I the asshole for being disappointed / was I expecting too much?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
M1WamSCK9CsWmHVRLIGTnRPCOgfDKN70
|
an4ywu
|
{
"description": "considering cutting off my friends for hanging out with people I don't like",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for considering cutting off my friends for hanging out with people I don’t like?
|
So this might get a bit confusing.
Albert - A guy I dated for two years from 16-18 years old
Patricia - The new girl Albert is dating now
Larry - Another guy I dated for a few months when I was 18
Ozzy - My friend of many years
Alicia - Ozzy’s girlfriend of a year.
Basically, I dated Albert for a few years when I was younger (I am almost twenty now.) Albert and Ozzy are best friends, and Larry is also good friends with those two.
Albert was not a good boyfriend. Albert cheated on me countless times, continuously lied to me, was very manipulative, and broke up with me less than twenty four hours after my dad died. Albert really broke my heart and my trust in relationships for a long time, and even though I am very over him by now, I still have lingering traits like still having trouble talking about my feelings with my dad passing away and having trouble trusting people I love.
Larry was also not a good boyfriend, and our relationship was very short. Larry was... very forceful. He disrespected my boundaries and pulled a lot of stuff that made me deeply uncomfortable and still makes me want to gag whenever I hear his name. (sexual assault warning) For example he would start to have sex with me while I was sleeping and wouldn’t let me go back to sleep until he finished. He wouldn’t let me say no to sex, basically. He would do things like call me a slut, a whore, try doing Butt stuff when NONE of that was discussed beforehand and totally threw me off guard. He would guilt trip me into having sex with him constantly and he even got me and my best friend in a very compromising position and took advantage of both of us when he knew we were very, very, very drunk.
The problem is that I do genuinely like Ozzy and I did like Alicia as well up until a few days ago. Basically me and Alicia got in an argument because everyone HATES Patricia. I’ve never talked to her or hung out with her myself, and frankly don’t care much for her since she likes to talk shit on me without knowing me, but I don’t know her. Ozzy and Alicia have said that Patricia has cheated on Albert several times, physically and mentally abuses him, and is overall just a terrible and vile human being. So from that alone I can deduce that me and Patricia probably wouldn’t get along.
Alicia, after hating Patricia for ages, suddenly posted on social media about how Patricia is actually the sweetest person ever! I tried talking to her about it because I considered Alicia and I to be good friends and basically was like “Yo that’s a little weird because like you said she is this and did this and blah blah, how come you like her all of a sudden?” Not in a “you’re not allowed to like her way” but in a “you totally hated this person and now you’re buddies, that’s a little weird, what happened?” way. Alicia got really mad at me and thought it was rude of me to question her friendship with Patricia and hasn’t talked to me since even though I have offered to discuss things over coffee to apologize.
The problem is that the more I think about it, the more I wonder if I really even want Alicia and Ozzy in my life. I like Ozzy and enjoy his friendship but I keep going back to idea of them just not caring about how their friends treat people if they aren’t the ones affected.
Something that I keep thinking about is when Alicia asked me why I hate Larry so much when Albert is the one who basically broke my heart. I didn’t get into the knitty gritty details as I did here, but I basically told Alicia how he wouldn’t take no for an answer, he was very forceful, and had sex with me while I was sleeping. Instead of answering in an even slightly acceptable way she just said “oh well his current girlfriend hasn’t said anything like that so I guess he’s gotten better” like... ok I guess? Cool if he’s gotten better but that doesn’t change what he’s done to me!
Ozzy and Alicia are both very proud of not letting other people’s opinions change their judgment on someone until they get to know that person themselves. I think that’s fine when it comes to “oh I don’t like that person they are rude” but is really different when it comes to “that person is abusive, that person is a rapist”
Cause at the end of the day I feel like I don’t care if a specific person is nice to ME, if they’ve done horrible shit like that to other people then I don’t want them around me. Maybe that’s just the way I am. Ozzy even acknowledges that Albert was absolutely terrible to me yet it’s like he doesn’t even care.
I guess at the end of the day I’m left wondering if I really want these people in my life because it leaves me wondering how much they really care about me. I’ve cut people off that I considered a friend once I found out that they had sexually assaulted my other friend. I’ve stopped being friends with people for much less because if someone can treat my friend like that, they can certainly (and usually do) end up screwing me over later as well, and I just don’t want that in my life. I feel like they just don’t care about me all that much if they continue to be friends with people who have hurt me so badly.
So, AITA for not really wanting them in my life anymore?
TL;DR - I’m friends with a couple who are friends with two of my ex-boyfriends that cheated on me, broke up with me the day after my dad died, and sexually assaulted me. I kind of don’t want to be their friends anymore after drama has come to a head.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
b3jyTkwzBiiQ3IFMExbFBwdJGJN4MQRC
|
ak0lzl
|
{
"description": "eating other people's food at restaurants",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 52
}
|
AITA for eating other people's food at restaurants?
|
Whenever I'm in a restaurant/cafe and the people in a nearby table leave, I eat their leftovers since they'd end up in the trash otherwise. The people in my company (especially my girlfriend) say I'm disgusting and embarrassing, and they usually get pretty mad at me. Am I being insensitive by saying that it's my choice and that they shouldn't try to control my behaviour?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
zfwvxgAIqDKrm9zLpegQZudlWZ4VSZNn
|
b6c7uq
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{
"description": "not wanting to put my dog down",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to put my dog down?
|
For some background, my dog is a White German Shepherd, not gonna say her name for anonymity reasons. She's about seven years old now, fairly good health besides glaucoma. With this, the fluid pressure in her eyes builds which causes pain, and she's slowly lost her vision. About two years ago the vet informed us she'd eventually have to have her eyes removed so she wouldn't be living in pain, and we all seemed to agree that'd be the way to go.
Come yesterday, my mom calls me and informs me that we have to decide between putting the dog down and going through with the surgery. To my surprise, she strongly wants to put the dog down. The dog has needed the surgery for awhile now, but my mom kept putting it off as she couldn't stand the thought of the dog not having eyes. I've been far away at uni for the past four years, and she hasn't been in too much noticeable pain, so it was kinda just a "this doesn't need to be immediately addressed, I'll cross that bridge when I get there" type of thing.
My mom's main reasons for wanting to put the dog down are 1. She is now alone at home as my brother is also at school, albeit about five minutes from home, and 2. The surgery is too expensive. For point 1, I kinda see her point of view, as she did become the primary caretaker of the dog once I left for school, and has also footed the bill for vets visits, food, and medicine. As for the surgery being too expensive, I'm baffled - we're solidly upper-middle class at this point, I've seen her drop $2k on lamps. A $3k surgery isn't cheap, but it's nowhere near unmanageable.
I can't really wrap my head around wanting to put the dog down when the surgery would be minimal and immediately improve her quality of life, things I learned after calling and discussing with the vet. I'm even willing to come back home over a break or long weekend/skip a week or two of class in order to handle the surgery and immediate recovery care, and foot the bill.
Over several phone conversations where I tried to lay this out, my mom essentially just got more and more accusatory, claiming I'm not grateful for all she's done for me, it's not fair that she's had to care for the dog all by herself, she's so busy and stressed from work, breaking down crying, etc.
At this point she's agreed to let me schedule the surgery, and depending on the timeline I will be heading home to deal with immediate recovery care. After graduation in June I'll also be taking the dog with me, which was the plan anyway. In my eyes my mom’s view is basically "this surgery is kinda difficult, so let's just put the dog down" which I'm appalled by. I'm also furious that I've had to take everything into my own hands and fight her on this, when I'm the furthest from home and least able to help at the current moment (brother is non-committal about helping care for the dog). Am I just overreacting?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
mcqBdAMdlqMPDcB4lLJy4Kvin8RnxWUa
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b26rrl
|
{
"description": "not being able to tell my girlfriend I'm moving sooner than she thinks",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not being able to tell my girlfriend I'm moving sooner than she thinks?
|
This is currently happening. Long story not short, my parents moved to the south from Indiana (both U.S.A.) for my dad’s new job. They need help with my brother, keeping up the house, they miss me, it would be cheaper all around, I could attend graduate school down there and have a “base/supply depot” so to speak. We are all a very close family. My girlfriend, who we will call J, who is a junior and I’m a senior, both in college, (3rdvs 4thyear), knows I’m moving so that’s not the issue. However, I’m going to be taking an EMT course, Spanish med course, and applying for a hospital job, a fire cadet position, and applying for physician assistant schools all over the summer, so me moving has been set in stone. Got carried away with the backstory. J knows I’m moving, and I had told her about all the stuff I’m doing this summer, however it apparently didn’t register that “yes, that is this summer, as in, less than 2 months”. She found out today that I won’t be here for her birthday mid-summer, and guys… you should have seen her face drop when she found out. As such, I am moving early May, 2 days after graduation. As far as I know, she is thinking like late May or even early June. I have been pushing to hang out a lot more, which doesn’t take convincing as we both love each other, so we’ve been with each other almost every day for 6+ hours, she’s sleeping at my place every night, we workout together, we see each other before a few of our classes, dates galore, etc. She already secured a job in the same town I will be living after she graduates in a year, we will be together after a year but… a year is a long time and flying to see each other isn’t cheap. So, AITA for not knowing how to tell her that I’m moving so soon? I already [posted](https://www.reddit.com/r/Advice/comments/b26nps/how_do_i_tell_my_girlfriend_i_will_be_moving_1000/) on r/advice for HOW to tell her. But can you confirm my theory here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
mnELFnTvy3pH3jh4NwrS2oJhlsNIHuxI
|
b2r6uw
|
{
"description": "requesting that my coworker stop using gay slurs",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for requesting that my coworker stop using gay slurs?
|
My one coworker (Jen) is very openly gay, which is of course perfectly fine with me. I only take issue with one word that she uses often, whether she’s referring to herself or to someone else: fa***t.
According to Jen, people use to call her this when she was a teenager. She says that as a lesbian, she is allowed to use the term. I suppose it may be some kind of empowering act for her to own who she is, which I understand.
However, today I finally snapped. The sound of “fa***t” is just so grating on my ears! It’s like my entire body recoils when I hear it. I wince every single time.
Jen and I have worked together for months, and today is the first time I built up the courage to say something (I’m pretty shy, so it takes A LOT for me to finally complain about something; I generally just go with the flow).
“Jen, would you mind not using that term around me in the future? To be honest, it makes me very uncomfortable.”
She seemed taken aback, and reiterated that other people used to bully her with the term. I replied that my position remains the same; it makes me deeply uncomfortable for her to be yelling “fa***t!” across the office, especially when there are clients nearby who may overhear.
Jen got quiet, then took an early lunch break and never came back to the office. I’m worried. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
fyUT5Tq8u3cf49NZXZy9YrcF1RtIKwE6
|
b6xggn
|
{
"description": "refusing to downgrade my Netflix subscription",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for refusing to downgrade my Netflix subscription?
|
Wouldn't necessarily call myself an asshole, but I can see how I could be considered bitchy in this situation.
A little background:
I met my bestfriend almost 2 years ago when we were freshman suitemates. She comes from a background that has led her to being a bit stingy with money. Now, I'm not judging her for that considering I also come from a semi-similar, just not as strict, background.
The stituation:
During the summer, she asked me if she could use my Netflix account. I said yes, of course, and had to increase the subscription to the 2 screens at a time, just in case we were watching it at the same time. She offered to venmo me half of the subscription every month, but she never did and I never asked because it was automatic billing and I never checked my account to see when the money was coming out of it.
A few months after her, another friend (who she doesnt know that well) asked for my subscription and so I had to increase to the 2-4 screens tier. They actually paid me at the beginning of each month, but like I said, I never checked my account (they have the same bank as me) so the money would go in and I wouldn't notice.
Fast forward to last month, I lost my wallet and obviously cancelled my card. This apparently occurred before Netflix was due and they asked her to update the billing info when she signed on one day. She offered to add her card, since I hadn't gotten my new one yet.
Netflix recently increased their pricing, so instead of $13.99, the subscription that we have is now $15.99. Today, she texted me asking if we could downgrade to the $8.99 plan. I told her not really, since there were 3 people on the plan and it wouldn't make sense for us to essentially have to police each other's Netflix times. She then tried to argue that we most likely won't be watching Netflix at the same time, because she barely watches it. I already know this to be a lie, since she practically uses it everyday.
I told her that I would just switch it back to my card instead. She still insisted on switching it, even though she hasn't paid me a cent from the previous months, so it wouldn't be like she would pay me when I switched it back. So I told her I would just get my own account and keep it simple. I honestly only said that because I knew that she wouldn't protest because that would mean her having to pay $8.99 herself, if she still wanted the service. I knew it was manipulatory, but I was honestly annoyed that she was mincing over a $2.00 difference because it just happened to be on her card for a single month, but when I was paying the $13.99/month subscription, she didn't offer or even cared that I was paying that much.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
FOOSNh3GucNV6IkJlIpMlpPlBj4adqwJ
|
b76z0x
|
{
"description": "asking my husband not to have a certain friend over",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my husband not to have a certain friend over?
|
So context I (23f) and my husband (26m) have been together for 8 years and we're currently expecting our first child. I'm currently 27 weeks pregnant and am an anxious mess even without being pregnant. We've been having a lot of discussions about what will be allowed around the baby and one thing I'm very adamant about is no drinking around the baby. Now little things like Mike's and the "bitch" beers I'm fine with. But I do have a problem with actual liquor. My husband doesn't really drink but he will if someone offers and this is where I get into my situation.
My DH doesn't have a lot of friends and he never really has, so whenever he makes a new one, absolutely great I'm happy for him. But he recently made a new work friend who drinks a little too much for my liking and he gets my husband to drink. I've talked to my husband about before but idk if I'm actually getting through to him because he keeps drinking with this friend and he gets drunk. He gets to the point of he's puking and can barely move. I don't want this around my house right now. We're getting ready for a new baby and I can't have anyone drunk around them. I'm starting to feel bad about a lot of things I'm asking regarding this baby and I feel like asking my husband to not have this friend at our house is starting cross the line of asking too much. The friend is normally over when I'm not home because he doesn't want to intrude on us but I don't really appreciate coming home to a drunk husband. And there will be times, like when I'm working, that DH will be home alone with baby. So after typing out a novel (sorry I'm bad at wording things and wanted to make myself clear as possible) I'm going to ask, WIBTA if I asked my husband to not have this friend over if they are going to be drinking?
(Also my DH is not a justno. He's actually amazing but he can a push over sometimes and doesn't always know when to say no.)
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
obswbdXbTOuUBEMBQt7Bp0fneVDJPNMh
|
b6unra
|
{
"description": "not putting an item away in the right spot at Target",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for not putting an item away in the right spot at Target?
|
Hi. So this happened a few weeks ago, but it’s still bothering me because I don’t know. A few weeks ago, I went to target to pick up a few things. I was looking at socks when an old friend of mine who just started working there says hi to me. She comes up to my basket and fumbles with what I was about to buy and at the same time, I threw a pair of cute socks in there. She leaves and I continue shopping. I was now near the toy section and for some reason, I decided against the socks and just put them by the toys. I know ugh, I’m legit dumb but who doesn’t put things where they don’t belong?
Well the sorry doesn’t end there. I forgot about the old friend who was working there and when I got home, she snap chatted the sock and called me out by name and saying I was lazy. Even though I thought that she overreacted, I just replied to the snap saying, “Lol oops” trying to think it wasn’t a big deal. Yesterday, I went to Target again and she says to me, “Remember to put your sh** away” before rolling her eyes. I was annoyed so I said back, “Get a new job if you don’t like it” I said this while laughing kind of and walked away. Nothing else has happened but I feel like she overreacted but I don’t know. AITA??
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
7BjVJyJXllgkNG0NaE4TX2FvT7ax6DML
|
9tgu1h
|
{
"description": "going off on my cousin for being a completely tactless human being",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA [for going off on my cousin for being a completely tactless human being?]
|
Am I the asshole for going off on my cousin?
Apologies for any grammatical mistakes, I'm so furious that I'm shaking as I'm typing this.
A couple days ago my sister's health started to rapidly decline. She went from throwing up to being put into a medically induced coma while she's fighting a severe blood infection. Currently shes hooked up to a bunch of machines that are essentially keeping her alive while they pump her full of antibiotics
Someone told my cousin this and she preceded to post on Facebook that my sister might not make it through the night and she was requesting prayers. I was a little annoyed about this because I know she's obsessed with attention and this was a thinly veiled attempt to get said attention. What really pissed me off was that she decided to link it to my sister's profile, where my sisters kid could see this shit about her mom possibly dying overnight. We had chosen not to tell him yet as the doctors weren't sure what her Chances were yet.
My nephew ended up finding out via this Facebook post, all he had know prevot was that his mom was sick and she was receiving the best care possible. Needless to say, he freaked out.
Once I found out I was furious. This cousin isn't even very close to my sister and she did this shit without even considering how it would effect my nephew not did she clear it with is before posting this. I blew up, I sent her a long message that basically said I was blown away by her sheer lack of tact or foresight. Now she's crying And feels like a piece of shit but I honestly don't feel bad for her.
Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Gxa2x23A4tJqxxMkABJaS6EXhXUYHmsq
|
aucrcn
|
{
"description": "confronting my Family",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA If I Confronted My Family?
|
Hi Reddit, I’m hoping to get some genuine, unbiased feedback. Also I’m on mobile so my apologies.
To make a loooong story short my parents divorced when I was a few months old. I was extremely lucky however and my family (both sides) stayed really close. I grew up spending a ton of time with my dad’s side of the family and we love each other immensely. Over the years life has happened. Nothing bad but people have moved (uncle and grandma live in a city about 8 hours away, aunt started a business etc). We were still close but busy. The past few years though have changed significantly. I used to see my aunt and her husband (and my adult cousin) about 2 times a month. As of this writing it’s been two YEARS since I’ve seen them. Just recently I saw my uncle and his partner were in town visiting my aunt. I have not seen them in 7 years. Since my wedding.
To say I’m hurt would be an understatement. So we’re clear, to my knowledge nothing has happed. I can think of no reason they would be mad at me. I’ve invited them to my house on a number of occasions and for whatever reason they haven’t made it. They adore my husband. I honestly don’t know but I’m hurt.
I’ve been considering confronting them about it (not aggressively, just asking) but I’m worried that I’m being an asshole. Maybe I’m being too needy or I’m overlooking something. I’m not on drugs, I don’t lead a chaotic life. I’ve obviously grown up since being a kid but I don’t know why the sudden change. WIBTA if I asked them what was up? Or am I over-stepping my bounds?
Thanks guys. Any advice is appreciated.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
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|
b0c9n0
|
{
"description": "wanting my house back",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting my house back?
|
I’ll try and keep this short.
Recently we had a death in the family and as a result my eldest sibling who was living with them had nowhere to stay and asked if they could stay at mine and my partners house temporarily until they found a place to stay which I agreed. They also asked if their partner could stay a few days of the week which I also agreed as it was a few days.
Fast forward two months, we feel like the sibling has moved in their partner, the washing up isn’t being done properly, my partner is feeling uncomfortable due to a “stranger” being in the house and other minor inconveniences that are adding up.
They have found a place to stay but it needs decorating and some plumbing work which doesn’t seem to be a priority in their eyes as they have not sorted this yet.
Me and my parter are getting stressed out due to the circumstances and just want our house back.
Are we assholes?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
NPniktbWAwHoR3Et6SYgnkP47u9bONs0
|
as2enz
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend she doesn't need to make plans every time I want to game",
"pronormative_score": 77,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend she doesn’t need to make plans every time I want to game?
|
My girlfriend and I have been living together for 4 months now. We’ve been together for 3 years, and I’ve loved every minute of it and we absolutely adore each other.
When we first got together I gave up a lot of my free time for dates and other couple things like that.
We would spend the night together sometimes. But when we would go home alone, to our respective houses. I would use that time to get my game time in.
Now flash forward, we live together and are obviously spending more time together.
It all started a few weeks ago after work, when my buddy messaged me and asked me to get on and play Apex Legends, I say yeah, and tell my girlfriend I’m gonna play some games if she doesn’t mind. Up until that point we only used my Xbox as an entertainment system ( think Hulu, YouTube and Netflix.)
I had previously taken a pretty long break from games and I didn’t expect this to be her reaction.
She said, it’s not fair for me to play games because she has nothing else to do while we play. I said, well you can watch me play jokingly, I thought she was kidding at first, but then she continued and said if I wanna make plans then to let her know so she can be busy while I’m busy. She also said she missed me. I told her we could have time for just us when I was done playing, and that it wasn’t a “plan.” I’m not going anywhere, I’ll be right here. I even told her we could talk while I played. But she didn’t want to have any of it. She just went to her sisters house for a few hours, and I proceeded to get some dubs.
Then, it became an argument we had 2-3 times. I even gave her advanced notice on an occasion or two but If she failed to make her plan she blamed it on me. So I told her ‘she didn’t need to go out every time, I’m busy. Just relax and chill on your phone or use my laptop.’
She’s the kinda girl who wants constant attention and I am fine with that, but I also want to chill with my friends online and play.
AITA?
Tl;dr Girlfriend wants me to preplan my gaming time so she can make plans to go out. I said she doesn’t need to go out just because I wanna play games.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
mBWQdj6FXQOeLFqIQqX6dGmgiUQ87bSQ
|
b7gf0q
|
{
"description": "allowing my 17 year old female friend to be with a 31 year old male sexually violent offender",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for allowing my 17 year old female friend to be with a 31 year old male sexually violent offender?
|
She was speaking to me about how much she loved him, and how much he really, really made her heart brighten up. I allowed it, she said all her other friends didn't support it (I understand why.) He treats her as if he truly loves her, and there's no manipulation in between. She deserves a man that is not manipulative and controlling; he's neither. He did his time. He's still 31, yes. He was 18 when he was convicted. The thing is, I just really feel like she deserves such a man and he deserves another shot.
Am I the Asshole or am I just a fucking failure at being a good friend
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HISTORICAL
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AITA for telling my (M26) brother take control of his life and leave his (F43) girlfriend?
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Locations, dates, and situations have been slightly changed in the even that he/she/the son see this. This is gonna be a long one, so buckle up.
​
For the last 5 years my (M26) brother has been with his (F43) girlfriend(his first serious relationship) and has plans to marry her in the future. I've heard all sides of their relationship from my family (I've been away from my hometown due to work) and it has only been negative, they have made a point to support their relationship regardless of how they feel about her and to not take out their negative feelings on her. One thing of note is that my brother is quite passive and easy-going when it comes to dealing with issues; he tends to be non-confrontational about his problems. My brother has had aspirations to join the Intelligence Community (IC)/FBI for some time. His plan for the last few years was to join the Border Patrol and (somehow?) obtain a clearance, eventually transferring to the FBI/CIA. I've explained to him that this is not the way the IC works and that if he wants a strong foot in the door he either needs to change his major to something intelligence/law enforcement related or join the military. I was a Non Commissioned Officer in the Army and have knowledge of how this process works so he understands that when I say that this is what he needs to do in order to achieve his dreams, he doesn't take it lightly. In the past he has been strongly against joining the military, but we'll touch on that later.
I met her for the first time earlier in 2018 when we all met up in NYC for a holiday. The trip was a big deal for my brother, mainly for financial reasons; they both work minimum wage jobs (earning a little under $10/h). Having to buy 3 tickets (her (M16) son was not originally invited, but girlfriend insisted that he be there for the trip) put HUGE financial strain on my brother because he was cornered into paying for the majority of the trip by the girlfriend. My brother has fantasized about living in/visiting NYC for as long as I've known him, having the opportunity to go there (albeit only for a few days) would have been the highlight of his year. He had planned out everything they wanted to do during the trip and consulted with me to make sure it was all feasible due to the short amount of time they were there (I lived in NYC for about 5 years at this point). I told him that it was absolutely do-able and to pull the trigger on the purchases. She had hardly contributed financially.
Morning of day 2, the girlfriend and the son decided that they did not want to take part in ANY OF THE EVENTS that he had on the itinerary, without giving any reason. Girlfriend ended up staying in the hotel watching TV and the son played Fortnite on his phone for the duration of the trip. My brother pleaded and pleaded to get permission to do these things with (M27) me and my (F27) girlfriend, she did not let him. In the end, he did two things on the itinerary.
\*\*Takeaway: She has no concern for his financial stability and no respect for his desire to spend time with family.\*\*
Later in the year, my family (Parents and brother) had decided to visit me in Colorado. They had decided to drive out of the way to pick up my brother in Las Vegas and continue the trip to me. When they arrived, the girlfriend threw a fit because she was not invited. She played the "If I don't get to go, you don't get to go" card, so she caved and was invited last minute. The trip was only supposed to last for two days, during which we had decided to take part in a number of activities that involved alcohol. When they arrived in CO she removed herself from the group and spent the majority of her time at my home watching TV after numerous invites to join us at the activities. I made a point to confirm that she would be still our designated driver since 1. I was new to the area and didn't have any friends to drive us home and 2. my girlfriend was out of town for business, we needed her to drive or we would incur a very pricey uber/taxi home, she agreed and we left. At the end of the night, she flat out refused to come and get us without giving any reason to justify other than "I just don't want to anymore". I was very against this decision and after some arguing with my brother to convince her otherwise, I paid for an uber home.
\*\*Takeaway: She has no respect for his time spent alone with family/family in general\*\*
Lets move forward to Thanksgiving. One thing that you should know is that our grandfather was diagnosed with Cancer and has taken a turn for the worst over the last year, all signs show that he will not make it to Thanksgiving 2019. That being said, our parents were adamant that we be there for the holiday so that we can spend some time with our grandfather before he passes. My brother opted to drive the 6 hours for the holiday alone so that both he and his girlfriend could be with their respective sides of the family, she declined that stated that she would be willing to go to Thanksgiving with our family (around 20 people were getting together) and skip seeing her family but only if he were to pay for the hotels/gas/meals during their stay (Tuesday-Friday). He agreed. During the drive up on that Tuesday evening she began to complain about how she wanted to spend Thanksgiving with her family and that she didn't want to go with him in the first place. Things got to the point where my brother had caved in order to "save the relationship" and agreed to only stay for one night (Tuesday) and leave the next morning, missing Thanksgiving. He cancelled his non-refundable hotel stay and drove home the next morning. My parents/grandparents caught wind of this and decided that this was important enough to completely change the plans of the whole group and have Thanksgiving dinner on Wednesday instead of Thursday. It was mayhem to say the least and effectively ruined Thanksgiving for the family.
\*\*Takeaway: She reinforces the lack of respect for his family and financial stability, as well as displaying serious episodes of manipulative behavior and control aimed towards my brother\*\*
After the Thanksgiving fallout and some pressuring for information, my brother explained to me that he is the one responsible for making dinner, picking up the son from school, paying the majority of the bills, sacrificing his time with family so that she (they) can be with hers instead, and that she does not want to have any more children, while he does. Based off of our conversation, I can tell that he is not happy in this relationship and that he is desperately trying to take control of his life and find a way out of this situation that allows him to both keep her in his life and achieve his career/life goals.
I used this opportunity to pitch the military route to him again, and to my surprise he entertained the idea and started asking questions. I have had this conversation planned out for some time and I executed it perfectly, he's on board. He knows that the only reasonable way he is going to achieve his goals is by joining the military, obtaining relevant job experience, and earning a clearance. We had made plans that same week for me drive to him, set up an appointment with a Military recruiter, and have a talk about options for enlistment. No papers signed, no fitness test, just talking. He knew that the girlfriend was not going to be happy about this and said that he would talk with her about this, she lost her shit and ignored him for two days. We ended up not going to a recruiter. I still consider this a step in the right direction because he now understands that this is the path to success, something he did not understand before.
At this point, my family has started to become more vocal about their opinions of the girlfriend to me (I had previously asked them to stop trying to convince me to form an opinion of someone I had never met, they respected that). They stated that as parents, if they were to voice their concerns about her to my brother it would only drive the two of them closer and him further away from family.
It was around this time that I had formulated my opinion of her and come up with some reasoning to explain her actions. Remember how I mentioned the Military/Border Patrol? She has thrown a fit every time that he has brought it up since the original conversation. Why? Because it requires him to be away from her for an extended period of time, thus, putting more strain on her as a single-parent (this is literally her only argument). The only acceptable situation that she will allow these things to happen is to wait until her son is graduated from high school and moved out. \*\*After seeing the relationship that they have maintained and the lack of empathy and respect that she has for my brother, I can only reason that she is keeping him around in order to provide for her son, eventually leaving him once he graduates.\*\*
\*\*Takeaway: She does not want him to achieve his career/life goals and uses him only to provide for her son\*\*
Let's jump to December 23rd at 11:30pm. I'm fast asleep, but my brother, his girlfriend, and my parents are all in the living room watching TV. The plan for the 24th was to meet up for dinner at 6:00pm and open presents (all of the presents) at my Dad's parents house. The girlfriend knows that this is the only time that 1. my brother will be seeing the grandparents during the holidays and 2. receiving presents from the family. She says to my brother that she is adamant about leaving at 3:00pm and gives no reason to justify other than "I just want to". My dad hears this and decides to remain silent and let them figure it out, assuming that there is no way that she would take Christmas away from him. She started throwing a fit in front of the family and accused my brother of being incons
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HISTORICAL
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AITA for hating my coworker's annoying voice?
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Made on a throwaway because I don't want to hurt the guy's feelings. Honestly I think I am starting to be the asshole here but I'm just kind of looking for advice on what to do.
I'm a manger at a store where I spend hours at a time standing at the back counter making food for customers. Recently one of our regular employees was made full-time so he's back there with me a lot now, something like 3 out of 5 days a week. He's a nice guy and we have a bit in common, but he has no idea how to gauge when people aren't listening to him. He talks VERY fast and can do so without breathing. (I timed him and he's gone 8-12 minute stints of gabbing with nothing but grunts from me.) I myself am pretty chatty but he's outright stifling.
I've worked with him for a bit over a year and normally would try to tune him out, but now I'm with him way more often and it's a lot harder. I need to mention that I have moderate OCD and am routinely boggled by all the light and sound going on around me, but something about this dude's voice just absolutely flips a switch in me. I get so short and angry. I'm generally a really friendly, patient person but I've snapped at him more than once ("Hey [guy] I have SEEN that movie, you don't have to tell me the whole damn plot.") I feel like a huge dick letting myself get so wound up that I might one day shout at him, especially since it's my mental condition that gets me so wired. That being said, we are short-staffed and I can't exactly request not to be put on any more shifts with him. I talked to my MHP and she said as silly as it sounds, the stress at work of being nonstop overstimulated all day isn't great for my health.
So, reddit, I have a few options in mind, and I'd like your advice on what might be the right course of action:
1. Request to, as best as I can, be moved to shifts away from him
2. Explain to him my condition and try to find a nice way to say "the sound of your voice makes me want to rip my teeth out"
3. Find a new job (kind of already in that boat but it's slow going)
4. Flex my manager power to keep him in different departments even though I know damn well he does this job better than a lot of our other employees
I know my condition might make this a less-my-fault kind of scenario, but if I have some control over my environment then I'm at least partly responsible for how I respond to it. AITA for lowkey hating this genuinely nice dude for such a dumb reason, and WIBTA for trying to avoid him at work?
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AITA for not spending NYE with my girlfriend after she bails on our plans?
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This happened a while ago so bear with me as I try to recollect what happened.
​
I planned to go to a concert months in advance with my girlfriend at the time for New Years Eve. She agreed, we bought our tickets, housing, and travel and everything was set. We drive a few hours to get there a few days before to settle down and explore, but the day of the concert she gets sick (a cold maybe) and decides not to go to the concert. We have a few other friends coming along, so I was really agitated and repeatedly (maybe 3 times) asked her to confirm if she really didn't want to go. This also wasn't the first time she bailed the day before on a concert, last time also because she got sick, so understandably I was pretty emotional but it was out of our control.
​
About 2 hours before the concert I called her one last time to make sure she didn't want to go. I had to resell her ticket last minute because I didn't want it to be wasted, so I wanted to 100% make sure she wasn't going. She flipped out over the phone and turned that against me saying it was her money and I didn't have the right to tell her what to do with it and that I didn't care about her health because I kept trying to convince her to go to the concert despite being sick.
​
I figured that if a friend bailed on me last minute, I would also try and convince them to reconsider, especially when we all planned this months ago. I didn't want to bail on my other friends going as well, it wasn't fair to them as we all took a road trip for this concert, so I went to the concert without her.
​
She then attacked me saying if I really wanted to spend NYE with her, I shouldn't have gone to the concert and spent time with her (took care of her while she was sick) even though she agreed to spend NYE with me at the concert. I later found out that she went to another party with her female friends and had drinks while "sick," claiming that she didn't want to be alone because I still ended up going to the concert. To be honest, she did not seem sick at all (when I came back at 3am she was still up and being active), though that's not for me to decide. I felt betrayed and when I confronted her she said she felt down at the time and didn't want to go to the concert because it could've made her sickness worse.
​
AITA for trying to sell her ticket? AITA for not considering her health? AITA for not spending NYE with her?
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AITA for taking a step-back from a complicated friendship with benefits?
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TL;DR at the bottom
This is going to require a bit of backstory. There's a a TL;DR at the bottom, but the history is rather relevant to me questioning whether I'm the Asshole:
Background: We both attend the same graduate program, she is a year above me but the school is incredibly small. For the sake of this discussion I'll call her Patrice.
August/September:
* Having never spoken before, we match on Bumble. She does not initiate the conversation and the match expires. We discover we are in the same class and end up talking.
* We end up grabbing drinks one night after class, staying up way too late, but nothing physical happens
* We hang out a few more times before anything physical happens. Over the course of September we hang out and hook up but don't go on any dates but talk regularly
October:
* Patrice comes to me and tells me that a woman in our class has been spreading rumors that I am suicidal. [As an aside, I'm not, and I am not judging people are are, but this saga is a tangent that involved me having to speak to the Dean of Students and was an incredibly stressful situation].
* Hearing about these rumors, I am stressed and upset. However, Patrice adds to the stress by, during the same conversation, asking how we are. I tell her that I really can't handle talking about that and that I need to address these rumors.
* Later that same day, walking to my car, she blocks me and demands that I talk to her about this. Angry, I say "Are you really making one of the worst days I've had to deal with in a long time about you?" and I walk around her to my car.
* Following that, I pull back from the friendship.
November:
* About a month and a half later, during thanksgiving break, I extend an apology to Patrice. I tell her that I'm sorry for just pulling away but that I was angry about how she had handled that day.
* We begin talking and eventually hang out a few more times, nothing physical happens.
December:
* We fall back into the pattern of hanging out, and sleeping together.
* After finals finished, Patrice, myself and several mutual friends go out bar hopping to celebrate. Around 9 o'clock, I decide I need to go home and let my dog out and that I wanted to call the night before I got too drunk.
* Later that night, I get a call from Patrice. Confused, I pick up. What proceeded was a vicious slew of feelings. She told me things such as "You're a piece of shit for not taking me home, how dare you not fuck me tonight;" "You're going to be just like you fucking dad [my dad is a bipolar drug-addict and Patrice is well aware that turning out like my father is one of my biggest fears];" "You really should hate yourself as much as you say you do." Among some other seriously heinous things. Patrice hangs up on me.
* I call her back, because at this point I'm concerned. I'm livid at what she's said but I'm worried about what is happening and we proceed to talk on the phone for another 20 minutes where she vents, apologizes, and goes to bed.
* The next day, not remembering much of the conversation, I recount to Patrice what was said. She feels horrible, tells me she never meant any of it, that what she said is not how she feels, etc.
* I go about a week without really wanting anything to do with her, but after a lot of apologies and hanging out with mutual friends, we begin hanging out again.
January:
* On NYE, our mutual friends joke that "we all know this is a relationship." I am uncomfortable with this statement but Patrice doesn't seem phased. I tried to talk about whether that is what she wants but she says "I've never really thought about it after you've said that isn't where this will go."
* Over the course of the end of December and the start of January, I start feeling bad that things aren't moving forward. For a number of reasons (hung up on my ex, commitment issues after my last relationship, etc.), I felt uncomfortable about moving forward, but Patrice is really compassionate and cares about me and so I try pushing past my discomfort. We grab dinner and a movie and the night goes okay. It never really felt like a date, just felt like us as friends hanging out.
Now, to the actual situation. I've been doing a lot of thinking on this and for several reasons I decided I'm uncomfortable with proceeding with the physical aspect of our friendship. I know she is her own woman and that she can make her own decisions, and I like to feel like I've been upfront and honest with her about what this is and what this would and would not be, however I still feel like I'm taking advantage of someone that is holding out that I will develop the feelings that I believe she has. I can't shake the things she said on that phone call about how I treat her horribly and that I'm leading her on.
So, last night, I tell her about this discomfort. She says a lot of what I said about, that she knows what she's gotten into, that she doesn't want anything more than we're currently doing and that she likes seeing me/talking with me/sleeping with me. I push back and eventually tell her I need to take a step back from the physical aspect.
This is where things took a turn. She shelled up and told me that she doesn't believe that I'm being upfront with her, that there must be something else going on here and that she is confused. I tell her that conveying my feelings wasn't exactly comfortable so I'm not sure why she would think I was making them up or not being upfront with them.
She tells me I'm entitled to wanting to take a step-back but that she is entitled to be upset. And I agree. She is entitled to feel anyway she wants, but the preceding conversation takes on a different light when it took such a sharp turn after I really put my foot down and said I didn't want to sleep with each other anymore.
So, Am I the Asshole? I want to say no one suck here, that we are both adults with different feelings and emotions and that no one is really the bad guy here, but I can't shake the fact that I'm the asshole for continuing this. On the other hand, she is her own person and it feels awfully paternalistic or patronizing to say I should be looking out for her in all this. I don't know.
TL;DR: Told my friend that I think I need to take a step-back from the physical aspect of our friendship after a complicated history where I believe she has feelings that I can't reciprocate and that has been a rollercoaster of events including a drunken phone call several weeks ago berating me, making suicide rumors, regarding me, more about herself than anything, and several other worrying moments that have make me feel continuing the physical aspect of our friendship is a bad idea.
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AITA for breaking up with a girl to pursue therapy for mental health struggles?
|
TLDR: broke up with a girl because of severe depression, sought out therapy, got better, tried to reconnect as friends, got screamed at and called a very shitty person.
So about a year ago, I went through a very confusing bout of mental illness. I was absolutely convinced I had schizophrenia, because I kept having very strange experiences and symptoms I had never had before. Long story short, it just ended up being a case of severe depression and other life stresses working together.
I had been dating this girl for about 6 months before this, but felt it was best to break up with her because I wasn’t in the right head space for a relationship. I told her there was potential in the future to pick back up (after she asked me), and everything seemed to be fine. We talked for about a month after, I kept her updated on my mental health, and everything seemed fine. I genuinely valued her friendship, but apparently she wasn’t okay with it.
She eventually ghosted me, and I assumed she met somebody new and moved on. Which was completely fine, I hold no grudges. Fast forward about 3 months, and I reached out to her just to touch base and see how she was. At first it seemed fine, but then she got incredibly angry at me. She accused me of “hurting her worse than anyone else had.” And that “I’m a selfish person, because I broke up with her without even consulting her about my problems.”
I was obviously very surprised, I had no idea she had all of this built up resentment. I was very apologetic because I felt bad if I truly did hurt her this way, and she basically told me to “just leave her alone.” The last thing she also said was “tell your cat I said hi.” Which I thought was really weird.
Am I the asshole in this situation? Was breaking up with her really selfish? I personally don’t think so, but this is something that has periodically bothered me and I’m curious about what Reddit thinks.
Any input is appreciated.
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AITA for insulting a creep at the gym?
|
TL;DR at the bottom.
I'm a female and in my early 20s. I've recently started going to the gym. I'm pretty out of shape as I've never really done exercise since finishing school. I'm quite self conscious about exercising in front of people but I've forced myself to start going a few times a week. So far, it's not been bad. I usually just put my earphones in and I can get on with what I'm doing.
Yesterday was when it happened. I was running on a treadmill and the gym was pretty empty at the time so I was the only one using them. After about 10 minites, this guy goes on the treadmill next to me but he's not really using it. He looks like he's maybe in his late 30s/early 40s. He's walking quite slowly on it. So slow, that it's barely exercise. I notice after a minute that he's actually staring at me. I tried to ignore him but eventually I turned my treadmill off to ask him what he wanted.
At this point, I'm facing him and he's staring at my boobs. He's not even trying to look at my face. I asked him "can I help you with something?" To which he just kinda grunted and shook his head, still staring. It was making me really uncomfortable and annoyed that he just didn't care bow obvious he was being so I said to him "there's mirrors over there, go and stare at your own tits" and weirdly it shocked him and he left. I didn't think it would work.
After about 10 minutes, a member of staff approaches me and asks me to stop what I'm doing. Apparently, the creepy guy told her that I had bullied him because I didn't want him using the treadmills. I explained what he had done and she just said I can't talk to people like that. She was taking his side??? Wtf. So I just left. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. On the way out though, another member of staff stopped me and told me that this creepy guy was actually known for staring at women and acting inappropriately. They've never been able to ban him or anything because he's so subtle about what he does (making sure no one else is around etc.)
I feel like maybe I shouldn't have said what I did to him and maybe just told a member of staff to get him to move or something but at the same time, I feel like my reaction was totally justified.
TL;DR creepy old guy was staring at my boobs at the gym so I told him to go look in the mirror and stare at his own tits. AITA?
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AITA for being mad that I didn't hear from my BF?
|
I\[25f\] have been going out with my bf\[25m\] for a few months now. He's wonderful but he's really bad at communicating when he's upset and tends to shut down. We're also long distance which I think adds to this.
He texted me about an issue the other day and asked if I was mad. I said no. He responded that my reply sounded passive aggressive. I sent him another text with an explanation that I wasn't mad about this issue, just disappointed. I didn't hear from him so I tried to call him to reassure him I wasn't mad. He didnt pick up so I left a voicemail. I didn't hear from him again for over 8 hours, and keep in mind he had the day off. In that time, I was thinking the whole day that he had convinced himself that I was being passive aggressive and that he got mad about it and thats why I didnt hear from him. Like I said, he has a tendency to shut down and not want to talk when he's upset. So, thinking he was upset, I tried to call 2 more times and sent 4 texts over the span of the 8 hours asking if he was ok.
At the end of the day he said he was away from his phone but saw that I tried to contact him "like 20 times". I said I thought he was angry at me and I just wanted to reach out, and I thought the amount I tried to contact him was pretty appropriate. He implied that I was being crazy and possessive. I said if he had just acknowledged my initial message by saying "cool, I have to go Im gonna be busy for the next while", that would have been totally fine. We're long distance so I have stressed that communicating is super important and he has agreed before, but now hes kind of throwing it in my face, saying "Well you were saying before that we should talk all the time and now I have to let you know what Im doing?" I could see how things could be interpreted that way, but honestly not talking for 8 hours was a weirdly long time for us and I thought he was mad. I'm not expecting him to text me every hour of every day, and usually we have times where we don't chat for a few hours and thats totally fine by me, but this time it seemed like he deliberately ignored me and I just wanted to talk it through. AITA?
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}
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AITA for giving my ex wife a large amount of money I won despite the anger of my gf?
|
I recently won a ‘fuck you’ amount of money. I won’t say exactly how much but it’s in the millions. It makes me feel funny even typing It’s enough to change the life of myself and my family.
My ex wife is the mother of my 2 kids. She is an amazing woman and good to the bone. We divorced 6 years ago because I had an affair with my current partner. I was in a low place in my life and I fucked up. She was in incredible pain but - like a fucking saint- she allowed me to still see our kids who mean the world to me, allowed our divorce to be as pain free as possible despite the fact that I know she was hurting. She still is close with my parents. She is respectful to me although she refuses to talk to my gf.
She was actually the first person I phoned after my mom and pops after I found out I won the lottery. She was pleased for me, joked that I could take the kids on a world round trip, and that was that. Nothing else. as soon as I won, I knew I wanted to give her a significant amount. I still love her. She’s the mother of my babies and I feel like this is some small tiny way I can show her that I’m not a complete fuck up. She deserves to know that I care despite my mistakes. She also works a shitty job in the public library which pays her peanuts- she would actually be able to pursue her hobbies this way. Give our kids a better life between us. I haven’t discussed this with my ex yet, but I have with my parents who strongly agree and my lawyer who was very surprised but on board.
Long story short, when I told my gf, she was my livid. Screaming that I’m disrespecting her, accusing me of still being in love with my ex wife- I’m not *in* love with her. We’ve both grown apart, but of course I still *love* her for being an excellent co parenting partner and mother to my kids. My gf is threatening to break up with me, and tbh I’m feeling incredibly relieved over the threats. I don’t plan on changing my plans, but AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 180,
"OTHER": 2526,
"EVERYBODY": 29,
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
60Yq8Mr1dvEqSdNn4fuBCj4Lf1H9qyom
|
afb2au
|
{
"description": "not forgiving a guy after he chose another girl",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not forgiving a guy after he chose another girl
|
So this all started around October and is still happening. I am a senior in college, and I've been pretty depressed that no one has even remotely liked me for my entirety of college career. Towards the end of October, I was flirting with a guy, and he was flirting with me back. He even asked me out for coffee to get to know me better which I gladly accepted. We ended up talking for over 4 hours and grabbing dinner afterwards. This would happen a few more times with the same outcome.
We were pretty much going on weekly dates at this point but he decided to drop on me that he was doing the same thing with another girl at the same time. I was, of course, devastated which lead to confrontation. He said that he wanted to be friends with both of us and not chose until he knows his decision. I accepted this and still stayed friends with him.
We decided to set boundaries which we both did not follow. We continued to hang out almost everyday and acting like a couple. We would even go on dates sometimes. I was having a good time because I was guessing that he was going to chose me at the end of the day because he said he was physically more attracted to me.
On night he walked me to my car and we kissed. While this may not seem like a big deal, it was my first kiss. (Yes I know that I'm way behind socially). It wasn't just one kiss too. We pretty much made out by the side of my car. Throughout our relationship he promised that if he kissed me, it would be the moment that he chose me. After we left, I was on an extreme high and started to tell my friends that we were going to actually date at this point.
That night he texted me about how we should not hang out anymore. I was confused and a little hurt. I asked him why not, and he said "I have made my decision. I need to protect (other girl) so I chose her." I was of course devastated and confused. He said that he wanted to still be my friend because he likes talking with me. We talked after all of this in person so that I could explain why I was so hurt by his choices. At the end of the conversation, he said that he most likely won't date her for awhile because his integrity was completely destroyed.
All of this is background for the actual part I want judgement. Since he still wants to be my friend, I tried to explain what I wanted in a friend. I said that I like actually talking with my friends on a regular basis. So he does text me now and again to really no avail. Every time we talk it is bland and like we don't know what to talk about anymore. Most of the time it ends with me complaining that he doesn't actually talk anymore because he responds with one word answers.
On the 24th of December we were actually having a good conversation. I was scrolling through Facebook and saw that him and the other girl were actually in a relationship. I, of course, went off on him because he should have had the decency to actually tell me that they were together rather than me finding it while on Facebook.
He became angry and told me that we should not talk anymore if I was going to not forgive him for his actions. He decided that we should take a break so I wouldn't yell at him and give me time to forgive him. I will admit that I have yelled at him too much but the things I've said included: "you never cared for my feelings because you won't hurt someone like that" and "I can't trust anything you said because you made so many promises and broke them."
Most of his friends care now calling me crazy because I am still mad at him. The other girl has tried to reach out and try to be my friend. When I tried to explain to her that I can't be her friend she became upset and said it was all in my head. So am I the asshole because I'm still angry at the guy?
TLDR: I was caught in a love triangle where the guy stole my first kiss then gets mad when I yell at him for choosing the other girl.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
aJf3uaQbRvWvB8QtvfdargaFNTh459xP
|
az19fq
|
{
"description": "ending my relationship without telling the truth",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
WIBTA for ending my relationship without telling the truth
|
So me an this girl kind of been on and off for a couple years. Late last year I decided I finally wanted to commit to her and she did too. Fast forward to February and after talking to people online as well as close friends I realised that I’m actually gray asexual (very rarely have sexual desires).
At first I was going to tell her and here her thoughts but I remembered she has very strong views on sexuality since she’s a catholic. I decided I wanted to end it as I was confident she wouldn’t understand if I tried to explain to her how I feel. She already has issues with me being an atheist so this would probs be a deal breaker.
So my question is would I be wrong for ending it on the premise of just wanting to be friends??
P.s. I just woke up so sorry if some of it doesn’t make sense.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
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"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
wUIUx4hnoMpV6jmETz5TZAOJRmARIOMu
|
9yy9a2
|
{
"description": "calling the police on a car I thought was driving drunk",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling the police on a car I thought was driving drunk?
|
My girlfriend and I were driving on the interstate when we noticed the car in front of us had trouble staying in their lane. We didn’t think too much of it until the driver nearly hit the wall alongside the far right lane. That’s when we decided to call the police to report the driver. After about 4 minutes of talking to dispatch, 3 police officers pull the woman over and ask us to standby. Turns out the woman wasn’t under the influence of anything, she was just eating. Are we the assholes? We feel we wasted the polices time for sending 3 officers for what they thought was a drunk driver.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
sReb3jjAomsgyKOtVQvhR0sdZdBWaibm
|
aznqc5
|
{
"description": "asking to go home early instead of taking a second break",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking to go home early instead of taking a second break?
|
So, at my workplace, an 8 hr or longer shift is supposed to come with 2 15 minute breaks (paid) and a 30 minute (unpaid) lunch. I was getting carts from outside and finished when the time for my second break came. I asked if I could go take it and got told that I need to wait for a coworker to get off her lunch. The coworker returns and takes over the register of someone else who is usually not on the front end but was there to help out (not a problem, I understood why and remained silent when that happened) and then we got slammed. When the line died down, I had only 30 minutes of my shift left and saw no point in taking my second break only to return and work for 15 more minutes. At this point I ask if I could just leave 15 minutes early instead of taking the second break. At this point, 1 supervisor chimes in and says “Not how that works” and another chimes in and says I was not entitled to the second break. I was not demanding or rude to my bosses at all during this incident.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
gAM4YDeDdv2fuWhjClchAuj23S1j6Osz
|
awr0sx
|
{
"description": "stowing away my roommates kitty in my room without her knowledge",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if i stow away my roommates kitty in my room without her knowledge?
|
My roommate has two cats. She had one when I moved in, and that cat acts like one I would suspect has been either neglected or abused. It does NOTHING. Doesn't even clean itself. Just lays under the coffee table. Then, she got another kitty months later, without consulting me. I'm no asshole, so I didn't make a big deal about it. But then she puts her kitty in "cute" suits. The cat proceeds to rip it off any chance it gets, obviously not liking the restriction. Did I mention my roommate is also allergic to cats? So she pushes them out of her room all day and maybe only interacts with them for a couple minutes a day (feeding). I started letting her new kitty into my room (since the other one hisses when i try to reach for it) whenever she left for school or work and proceed to take off the suits and entertain it/pet it. I bought a hair removal tool and cleaned her kitty tonight, since she left for the weekend (doesn't even ask me to feed/water her cats bowls btw, I just do it if i notice she has been gone long) and was thinking to myself "I should take this kitty when I move out." Obviously illegal but would you consider me an asshole for such an act/previous acts?
​
TLDR: I stow my roommates kitty in my room when shes gone, since she neglects the fuck out of it. Am i the asshole?
Pic of kitty: [https://imgur.com/a/RyVRLgi](https://imgur.com/a/RyVRLgi)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
OsKT6d71H8uRZa82Lex8P8CCzXu9X2dT
|
9u332x
|
{
"description": "wanting my gf to leave her pet",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting my gf to leave her pet?
|
Been with my girl for over 2 years and we plan on geting a place together soon. We both are very excited for this but im a little worried because she wants to bring her dog with.
I love my gf and I dont hate animals but i dont think I can deal with hers. Its not trained and it makes mess every where nonstop. When i goto her house some rooms are full of flies from piles of dogshit, and giant pee puddles all over. The only time it gets cleaned is when her family starts getting very upset about the smell.
Since we been together she has moved twice and each time the house was clean to begin with, but it never stayed that way very long.
I tried talking to her about this and she says she just needs someone to help take care of the dog. I dont have experience with large animals, and wont have time to always cleanup after. I know I will be the only one trying to keep our home clean. I suggested that she leave dog with her sister and mom, but shes afraid they will get rid of.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
GIoIxGZwQxDJNaolJxXRjUTlShwEyBxD
|
aiwwuu
|
{
"description": "continuing to have a close relationship with a married woman, despite us both having feelings for each other",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA For continuing to have a close relationship with a married woman, despite us both having feelings for each other.
|
I am a man in my early 20s, but because of my mental issues (I have anti social personality disorder) I have never been able to find a real friend who shares my interest. I had girlfriends in high school but it was sort of a detached relationship and I ghosted them after I graduated.
I just can't connect with people very well. I started spending more and more time online, finding chat rooms and forming bonds with people that I would easily break after I got bored. Then, in a local chatroom, I met Samantha.
She was older than me, but not yet 30. She is an EMT, and very cute. I myself am a firefighter but for a different county, but we had a lot in common to talk about. She hasn't been diagnosed but she shares my interests and my dark sense of humor.
She is also very kind too me. Sending me birthday wishes and christmas greetings, I would do the same. When I finally showed her my face I was afraid she would rebuff me as I have a pretty bad scar on my face from my childhood, but she was fine with me and said I was very handsome.
Mainly I enjoyed just talking with her and opening up about things I could never tell anyone else, things I haven't ever told my therapist. She makes me feel "human".
We eventually meet up since we only live like 30 minutes away. The first thing I notice is that shes wearing a wedding ring. Shes married. I felt my heart sink. She apologizes to me and said that she has been married for four years, and that she wanted to stop our convos but she feels like she has a connection to me.
I asked her what she wanted, and she said that she needs to remain faithful because of her daughter. I tell her ok, and we decide just to be friends.
That didn't last. All of our convos end up being about how much we care about one another. We meet weekly now, we don't have sex, we just sort of bond together. Talk, hold hands. I have never had this connection with someone before.
We also sext, though we make it clear that we wont make it physical. She tells me she loves me more than her husband.
I am so torn, because I feel like this is my soulmate. We've been doing this for eight months. Its getting more and more intense, and I know I love her.
But I also sometimes wish I never met her, because shes married with a daughter. I want her so bad. She tells me the same. We both say we love each other.
I know, that the correct thing to do is to break it off, but shes the one person ive been able to truly be myself around. The one person I really feel for. Its like someone else has my heart chained up, and theres no way for me to get it back.
Am I the asshole for not breaking it off?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 8,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
F5wKWCVv8a3SrGbqOP0u65WMtDVotPnU
|
a0gx48
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pay back my sister-in-law $4000 that she gave us",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pay back my sister-in-law $4000 that she gave us?
|
This story has a lot of facets; a lot of interested parties. I'll try to be succinct... three years ago, our dog (then a puppy) was hit by a car and broke both hind legs and punctured a lung. After an ER visit and a long hospital stay with two surgeries as well as a 6 month rehab process and about $9k in debt, he's back to normal. Full use of both rear legs, no lasting issues with lungs or anything. My girlfriend at the time (now my wife) was ***offered*** a loan of basically any amount by her sister to help out. My girlfriend declined at the time because we had covered the cost of his treatment with credit cards.
Fast forward a few more months and we're having trouble paying off the credit card debt and staying afloat on our other debt (we had just bought our house literally two weeks prior to the accident). Again, ***without solicitation***, her sister ***offered*** a loan of basically any amount to help out. After some discussion we did decide to take her up on the offer this time and asked for about $4k to pay off one of the credit cards (we used two and the second was almost paid off already). Immediately after giving us the money, and with both of us as witnesses, the sister said not to worry about paying her back, but ***whenever we had saved up the money to pay her back, use the money instead to build a fence in our backyard*** to keep the dog penned in so he doesn't get hit again. This was both sensible and very kind of her, but complications soon arose.
A couple more months down the road and me and my girlfriend get married. My now sister-in-law and father-in-law get together and pay for the fence to be built in our yard. This "wedding present" as it was referred to by both the sister-in-law and the father-in-law seemingly nullified the $4k we owed sister-in-law on paper. I say "on paper" because neither me nor my wife believed that this ended our obligation to pay her back in some way. We weren't sure exactly what to do, and she kept insisting that we shouldn't worry about it, so eventually we did stop worrying about it.
Some more time passes and my wife landed a really sweet job and I got promoted, so we're making ends meet and then some; and we've had the opportunity to start saving more and just being more financially solid. In case it wasn't obvious, my sister-in-law is already financially pretty solid (this whole family that I married in to is very financially savvy), and even though she's on her own and doesn't have a super-high-paying job, she was still able to save up *almost* enough to put a great down payment on her dream house.
...*Almost*.
To get a 20% down payment on her mortgage and still cover her closing costs she needs, you guessed it, $4k, which she asked my wife for just the other day.
Now, a little about my wife and I and our saving habits. We have our retirement accounts, our long-term savings, and our short-term savings. As I said, we were fortunate enough to have some good luck in our careers, but that was only just recently (like, it was less than a year ago that we stopped living paycheck-to-paycheck), so while we are doing much better, we are far from wealthy. We don't touch our retirement; our long-term saving goal right now is *solely* to make a cross-country move in the next few years so we can start a family in a place we really want to live, and short-term goals are a few minor home renovations and a new vehicle. We were trying to get the vehicle before it started snowing this year, but, if we give my sister-in-law that money there's no way it can happen... so... I advised my wife not to give her the money ***at this time*** because of our need for a vehicle.
The shit storm this has caused with her family was something I wasn't prepared for. That's probably a story for another sub, so long story short, just yesterday we relented and wife is going to give her the money out of short-term savings. So one of us is going without 4WD again this winter (mucho inportante in the area we live). So, am I the asshole? I genuinely don't know. Sister-in-law got really pushy about it considering she kept telling us not to worry about it. But the fact that we didn't pay for the fence... just don't know.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
qDFnNSAnz5GFZC3pjDlxAHtJoqLyYXIh
|
9xgpkf
|
{
"description": "not shipping my neighbor's package for him",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not shipping my neighbor’s package for him?
|
So my neighbor and his wife were very nice to us when we first moved to the neighborhood, brought us wine and brownies and has had us over to their house for snacks and conversation. They’ve lived in the neighborhood for 15+ years and there are other neighbors on the street that have been for same amount of time, if not longer. We moved in this past March.
Since then he’s been asking us a lot of favors, pick up the mail for them while they’re out of town (that’s fine, that’s normal), check up on his god while he’s out (okay, sure), try to hook up his nephew from India with a job with my boyfriend’s company (um), and then on Halloween he tried to invite himself into our house and we were kinda like “ummm, what?” (had our dab kit out, wasn’t expecting company).
This week he asked me, not my boyfriend, to ship a package for him to his son who’s in a mental facility while he’s out of town. He dropped it off on Monday and said it *has* to be shipped on Thursday so it will arrive on Friday. He asked to me to get a receipt after I drop it off. I thought the whole thing was kind of weird, do they not have UPS stores in the Bay Area (where he went(obviously they do)) and couldn’t he have just shipped it on Thursday and paid for next day delivery? I reluctantly agreed because I’m a pushover and my boyfriend was pretty upset because to him it seemed like our neighbor was taking advantage of my niceness.
For the record, we have never asked him for a favor for anything. We have reciprocated his niceness and brought him and his wife wine and cookies. I guess I’m confused why he didn’t ask any of the other people who live here who he has known for many years...
I don’t love when people put their responsibilities on me, but again, I’m a pushover. He texted me this morning and reminded me to drop it off and get a receipt, I replied okay, but that I wasn’t comfortable doing this in the future. He replied, “understood” but my boyfriend was still pretty pissed at the whole situation and called him and told him that he didn’t appreciate him asking his girlfriend to do things for him and that we would not be shipping the package and left it on his front porch.
AITA for agreeing to drop it off and then not going through with it? I feel weird about it, but at the end of the day it’s not my responsibility, right?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
vYjGUDXpKdIXCEI1wnWw3XweMR9UmA3q
|
axux7u
|
{
"description": "cussing out my in laws and getting us kicked out of their house",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for cussing out my in laws and getting us kicked out of their house?
|
I suffer from an illness that causes me to have regular bouts of vertigo. These present as bad balance, walking around stumbling a little bit, needing to steady myself. This same illness also makes me slur my speech on occasion. So the other day I was at a dinner with my wife and her parents and I got up to go to the bathroom. It was a bad day illness wise so I was stumbling a fair bit and my speech wasn’t at all clear. I tripped and fell over in the restaurant and it was a bit of a scene.
After the restaurant we went back to their house, my wife drove my car because of my episode and I swear I saw them exchange a look of “I told you so” when I handed her the keys. We were staying with her family overnight because we live about two hours away, and didn’t want to drive four hours for a dinner in one day. So her mom turns on the news and we all settle in. At some point during the evening both of my in laws had excused themselves to the kitchen, and a bit later I went to get myself some water, still having trouble walking but not quite as bad as earlier. I over heard them say “[my name] is absolutely trashed, I can’t believe it, our daughter married a drunk”. I knew right then that this was why they’d disapproved of me our whole marriage. They thought I’m an alcoholic! I walked right in and demanded to know what they were talking about, and then just lost it. I told them I knew they thought I’m an alcoholic, that I’m drunk right now, and that I’m not. My FIL laughed in my face and said “son you’re slurring right now why don’t you go to bed we can talk in the morning” and I just LOST IT.
I started yelling at them, why the fuck would you assume I’m lying about this, hasn’t wife told you about my illness, I’m sick of being treated like a degenerate because I’m fucking sick, etc etc. This isn’t an uncommon reaction to seeing someone with my illness, and I just let out all of my frustration from every time I’ve been treated like a drunkard because of it. There was name calling and four letter words and honestly from the time I started to the time I stopped I don’t think they said a single word. I only stopped when my wife came in and intervened.
They then said that I had to leave their house immediately, so me and my wife are staying at a motel tonight.
My wife is furious at me, she says that I should not have spoken to them that way, and she says that they can believe what they believe. She’s furious with me and says that I did have some wine so what do I expect them to think
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
sp3gatit9Ckw38m6bg1sYcl9l9XsztRj
|
a2rtjc
|
{
"description": "reminding my traumatized gf that I want to have sex with her",
"pronormative_score": 41,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for reminding my traumatized gf that I want to have sex with her?
|
My girlfriend and I have been dating for almost a year. Within the first month of our dating she told me she had sexual trauma from a past relationship. It was frequent and long term, and as a result she periodically goes through periods of near asexuality.
By the end of the first month we had sex, at her assurance that it was what she wanted. It was good. It would continue to happen at least once a week, sometimes more. I could always tell I was more interested in initiating it than she was. She always seemed to enjoy it, responding in the right ways, but she would show a lot of concern as to whether I was enjoying it, even asking me to be more audible.
We moved in together about three months ago and did it maybe two times in the first month. Then it all fell apart when she had a really bad ptsd episode. I asked for sex and she said yes, but when we were done she started crying as I comforted her and she kept saying sorry and that she couldnt figure out why she was so “broken”. It was horrible and scarred me significantly to see her like that and know that I caused it. It was a month before I even thought about sex in any way again.
Now Im beginning to feel very lonely. We’re best friends and enjoy each others company, but it’s hard to get intimacy of any kind out of her. I bring up sex and she insists that she’s trying to get better, but Im seeing no improvement, Im getting impatient, and I don’t want to just be friends who live together. However, I never push the subject when she says she isn’t ready yet.
tl;dr gf and I haven’t had sex in two months because of traumatic episode. Should I continue to remind her that I want to have sex, or AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 28,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 41,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
zdm1f6YtQ3w1PPTXWOARoXBnptSrCWkT
|
9v67pn
|
{
"description": "asking a girl she was transgender",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I asked a girl she was transgender?
|
To start off... I'm a heterosexual male into heterosexual/bisexual females, I have nothing against transgendered people but I am not sexually attracted to them.
I matched with a girl on tinder a couple nights ago, got her number pretty quickly and hit it off well. We were talking about a lot of stuff, I mentioned I played video games, she said she did too, got her steam username.
Quick interjection: When she (Tinder girl) gave me her steam username she said it was from her ex-girlfriend but she (Tinder girl) kept the account. I assumed she was bisexual at this point.
I went to go add her and decided to google her username too to see where else it might pop up. Found some hits on deviantart. Eventually found a link to her Tumblr, active like a year ago. She put she was "M" in her bio. Also found her insta, posts from a year or two ago are all about trans awareness, non-binary, referring to herself as a "demiboy".
I mean I guess I'm just asking the internet for confirmation at this point but she's transgender, right? She never explicitly stated it in her tinder profile anywhere, which I've seen many transgendered people do before.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
h576zyR14MWAOwoLTTUojM6C4vOEd3QA
|
asp4po
|
{
"description": "being upset that my maid keeps taking my clothes",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset that my maid keeps taking my clothes?
|
Okay just to get this out of the way - I live in a country where it's extremely common to have house help. Context: I'm 19 and live with my parents so they're her employers not me.
So our help has been with us for over 4 years and over the years she's been taking a bunch of clothes from my closet without permission and I only find out when I suddenly see her wearing them around the house. I try to let it go because I understand that maybe she needs them more than I do. But she's been taking a bunch of clothes I still plan on wearing. She took a bunch of school shirts last year that I still needed, and she's been taking some of my favorite event shirts from my organization that I certainly did not want to dispose of. Recently I saw her wearing the shirt I've spent quite a while looking for, and a lot of these shirts are really sentimental to me. It makes me really sad that they're gone and I'm really pissed off now. Plus she's a lot bigger than I am so all the shirts aren't only really worn out now but also stretched.
I'm definitely not going to ask for them back but I feel like a jerk for being upset. How can I get upset at someone who probably needs these clothes more than I do? I feel really guilty for being mad and want to bring the issue up soon but thought of confrontation just makes me feel like a terrible person. Am I the asshole?
TLDR: House helps been taking my clothes and its making me increasingly upset
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
w2qiJ5Qd5JsZhoD3B7MwHy4klyoOI0Z2
|
b6z1nm
|
{
"description": "pointing at someone",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for pointing at someone?
|
Last weekend I was at a convention with some friends. I saw a particularly cool cosplayer and I (literally) pointed them out. You would have thought I raised a gun at the person for the way my friends reacted. They pushed my finger down and jumped all over for me for pointing, telling me how rude I was being. Now I understand that in a normal setting, pointing is rude because the person on the receiving end doesn't know if you are saying something mean about them. But if you are cosplaying at a convention, wouldn't it be expected to be pointed at? I was so taken aback by their reaction, that I really am worried that I was doing something wrong. Were my friends over-reacting or am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
AZjWsS0spAXIL1mC9D7CZTfx9KNjznkQ
|
b0qmsz
|
{
"description": "getting upset with my best friend for taking photos of two workers at our school",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting upset with my best friend for taking photos of two workers at our school?
|
(Pardon the formatting and on a throwaway account for some reasons)
So my best friend and I have been friends for about 5 years now and since we started high school, she’s been a bit obsessed over these two workers at our high school.
These two are brothers in their mid 30s to early 40s and they’re the social workers that look over the kids in the hallways and lunchroom areas.
She found out their first names almost never stops talking about them. When one of them is absent, she asks where they are and says “he’s doing a (name of the worker) thing”.
Im not gonna lie, when we started high school, we were both kinda “obsessed” but I soon realized that it was creepy and we shouldn’t stalk these two dudes. She, on the other hand, is still going on with it and takes photos of them. I kinda go off and try to talk to her but slowly end up yelling for her to stop taking photos but she says that she doesn’t care what happens. But I do.
Earlier today I tried to talk to her and she said “why are you even friends with me then?” which made me feel like I was overreacting.
I love her pieces but I’m scared for her. I don’t want her to get into huge trouble and I don’t wanna lose our friendship.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
4xvtoH8vs9rHfaA8NLeiGcat8Ug48EMe
|
ah17mz
|
{
"description": "dropping a class that my friends are in",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for dropping a class that my friends are in?
|
This might need context.
I'm a high school student that does well in school and believe I can choose the classes I want. I've been taking judo for a year in a half as an in school class. Most of my friends are in that class and seem to like me being there but after the second year rolls in I seem to lose interest in the class and want to try something new.
I propose it to them and some of them tell me to go ahead and other tell me to stop. It being my classes, I choose to go ahead and switch but my judo partner hates the idea because he has no one else to practice with. After choosing the class and switching, everyone in the class became an asshole to me and calling me a coward and so forth.
AITA for listening to myself and ignore my friend?
Another detail I want to say is that the teacher changed and the new teacher was a huge asshole demanding for respect without giving us any so I was done and had enough to not want to listen to him anymore.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
VMbb6Jl3yFb9IA7uwxt1xZr5bUdUl9kg
|
a71qve
|
{
"description": "telling two young woman to shut up",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling two young woman to shut up?
|
I'll provide as much context as I can, but details may be slightly hazy.
​
This time of year, as many of you know, is finals week for students across the US, with me being no exception. In 2 hours I will be taking an advanced Calculus final, of which I am woefully underprepared. In an attempt to correct this conundrum, I have spent the past two days in my university library, going over every note and practice problem I could find. My favorite room in the library is the Map Room, way down in the basement. It is relatively unknown and is used by most students because you can typically hear a pin drop from 30 feet away. My potentially asshole-ish moment came after about 10 hours going over Power Series Representation, when two young woman walk into my sanctuary of silence and begin screeching and cackling like old cartoon witches. I gave them the benefit of the doubt, as they were not the only ones talking, as there were lots of study groups having quiet conversations, perhaps they were just a little too excited when coming in? I'm not petty, I'll let it slide. Well after about 20 minutes of what must have been a life changing comedy routine based on the sounds they were making, they decide it fully appropriate to start facetiming their friend (without headphones I might add, I know, the audacity.) Well this does not sit so well with me. Do these ladies not know there are students with finals all around them, and that they're in a LIBRARY? Well being the level headed person that I am, I approached them and decided to speak my mind. What I failed to realize, however, is that because everyone else in the room was as silent as the dead, as soon as I got the attention of the charming harpies sitting across from me I would have the attention of EVERYONE within 50 feet.
​
Without knowing that important detail, I tried to express how rude I thought it was to be so oblivious to your surroundings, and said something along the lines of "Hello, I'm not sure how aware you two are, but there are students with finals trying to study, myself included, are you are being \*incredibly\* loud."
​
Well, due to the graveyard like silence that had taken over the room, I had essentially just told these two young woman to shut the f\*ck up in front of about 50 people. I was met with an awkward "Okay..." followed by the most deafening silence I have ever heard. Have you ever heard 50 people all trying not to be the first person to say something? It's pretty funny unless you're the one who caused it.
​
Well to make a long story short, they settled down, but the friends I was studying with laughed and called me a dick for confronting them, but I thought I was well within my rights to tell them to be quiet. So the question is, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
jDGUySOGhyEJYIsCnZ7D7cUhvbArT0uJ
|
ah1dmg
|
{
"description": "going home with a girl's friend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for going home with a girl's friend?
|
This happened about a year ago and still bothers me to this day.
I met a girl on Tinder. One of those 'she's out of my league' type girls, that I am amazed I even had the courage to message (as I rarely do). The conversations went surprisingly well and we seemed to hit it off, so I nervously asked her to get coffee at a local laid-back coffee shop. She agreed and we met for coffee as planned. We stayed at the coffee shop just getting to know one another for what ended up being 4 hours, at which time she asked if it was okay that she goes next door to a bar for her friends birthday. Obviously I said that was more than okay and we did the usual Midwestern pleasantries before saying goodbye. That same night she texted me apologizing for cutting the date 'short', and telling me how much she enjoyed the time.
We continued texting and that weekend ended up meeting up at one of the local bars. Come bar close, I offered to walk her and her friends home, to which she said yes. She was oddly quiet on the walk home, and I assumed that in her mind she thought that I was attempting to make a move to stay the night with her. When we reached her house I walked her to the door, gave her a hug, and said good night. She seemed confused by me saying that and asked if I was staying, I told her I hadn't intended to but that I would if she liked. She told me to come in and we drank a few glasses of water before heading to bed. We laid in bed and I put my arm around her, but that was the extent of that. I wasn't sure how to read the awkwardness that had suddenly come upon the situation. In the morning I left for work before she awoke and sent her a text thanking her for allowing me to stay the night.
Not wanting to be overbearing, I gave her space. A week went by and I sent her a message saying hey would you like to get coffee again sometime? She told me she was busy that week. So the next week I asked if she had any time available to grab coffee or dinner. I didn't receive anything from her. It seemed odd to me as everything seemed to be going well, yet ended so abruptly. Then one day, a friend of mine sent me a text that said "Didn't you go on a date with \*Girl 1\*?" with a twitter screen shot of one of this girl's friend that read "Currently waiting outside of Chipotle in the car because the guy who has been stalking \*Girl 1\* has been inside for the last 20 minutes". This kinda took me back, as I hadn't said anything since she began ghosting me... I just kinda took it. So I, childishly, went to this girls twitter and replied to her tweet saying "Hey, sorry about that. Next time I'll try to eat faster for you." To which she just responded back with more of calling me a stalker of her twitter now.
After that I just let it all go. Maybe a month and a half or so later, I started talking to a different girl I had met through Tinder. She told me that she was good friends with Girl 1 and asked if that bothered me, to which I told her it didn't. One weekend out at the bars she messaged me and asked me to meet her at one of the bars. When I eventually got there, she had already left for the night. However, she messaged me and asked me to come and stay at her house. When I got to her house I was greeted at the door by one of her roommates, one of the girls I walked home, who was incredibly nice and let me in. I was pretty drunk that night, but I remember the two of us kissing, her stopping to say "you know I'm friends with Girl 1?", saying yes and then continuing to make out before falling asleep. She woke up, late for work, in a panic trying to get ready. I went outside and scrapped the ice off her car for her to help in any way I could. She also became distant after that night.
About a week later, I'm standing in line for a burrito with a friend after bar close. Out of the blue a couple girls cut in front of us... no big deal, there are plenty of burritos to go around. The group (consisting of girl 1 and a few friends) looks at who they just cut... realize it's me and vice versa. They begin berating me passive-aggressively by shit talking me to one another just loud enough for me and my friend to hear. I respond to this by saying "damn dude, I gotta stop getting burritos." and all hell broke loose. Two of the girls turned around and got in my face spitting anything derogatory they could think of. Saying "what piece of garbage gets with someones best friend in spite". They even tried to enlist a couple guys in the area to help them by saying asinine things and trying to get them to fight me (I'm a bigger man, so luckily it deterred any physical altercation). This whole time, Girl 1 looked so uncomfortable and didn't say a word to escalate the situation, but she also didn't attempt to deescalate the situation. We ended up just walking away empty handed. This level of tension still exists with them anytime they see me at the bars.
I know I'm an asshole for making you read all this but, given the situation, AITA?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
2A9toqbkJlNzl1wWm2YHgQXsBtK7QnE0
|
9t6vik
|
{
"description": "being pissed at BIL for refusing to help",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for being pissed at BIL for refusing to help?
|
Long post!!! Okay, so a little backstory is required. I'll try to make it quick, promise! So my BIL (my fiances older brother) graduated college in May. He needed somewhere to stay for a few months until he could start a career pertaining to his degree. Cool, my fiance and I have our own house with a spare bedroom, so we welcome him in. In the very beginning we lay down that he would only be staying for 3 months but for 5 months ABSOLUTE MAX. It is now November, and my fiance and I are ready to move to a new house (we rent, btw) and are on the search.
I find the most perfect house for us and my BIL tours it with me and he sees how in love I and his brother are with this house. The only problem is that my fiance doesn't have great credit due to some past complications with the military, so there isn't a good chance of him being approved by the owner. We easily make the rent requirement, it's just that pesky credit.
That's fine, my credit is good and so is my BIL's, so we ask him to think about putting his name on the new lease, since he would be MOVING WITH US INTO A NEW HOUSE FOR A LONGER PERIOD OF TIME (hence over staying his welcome by even longer) and would be living there for the lease period. He thinks about it for a few days and eventually tells us no because "he doesn't want to put his name on something he doesn't understand" (?) and because “every horror story you hear is about a 20 year old who trusted someone with his credit” (???)
We are so livid that he has forgotten the tremendous favor we have done for him, because he has literally no friends or family he could stay with and makes absolutely no money to get his own place at his shitty waiter job. When I confronted him about not signing the lease, he tried to be a smart ass and he got extremely defensive, to the point where the conversation was unsalvageable (he's the kind of person where he is NEVER wrong).
We are currently looking for a new place to live so we can kick him out. Am I the asshole for being pissed beyond belief and wanting to kick him out and honestly not caring what's next for him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
7Rgq8aOzKz0fBXSJc8Rez1rCDmO0uthS
|
aaitkr
|
{
"description": "mailing a check to my ex to repay them",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I mail a check to my ex to repay them?
|
My ex and I were together for about two years. Out of nowhere they had a depressive episode and things just fell apart. In the following months, I tried to maintain contact. But, things were irreconcilable. During this same time, I abruptly lost my job and became unemployed. I am just now getting back on my feet. During the period after the episode, they gave me $200 to help me pay my bills. I always intended to repay them, but I was not expecting us to split up. Along with the check, they also left a couple of things at my place that I would also like to return.
It’s been almost a month since I’ve cut ties. They could use the money, but I also don’t want to bring up any pain that they may have put behind them. The only address I can send the items and the check is at their place of work. It’s a small office, and they usually collect the mail from the post office.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
2ekxeZ1aTK8sL9iIIEFUYL9GXZK5VeQm
|
b0ibop
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go on birthright to Israel",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go on birthright to Israel?
|
I'm using a throwaway because a few people in this story know my username. I'm going to use fake names.
I'm 23 years old. I was raised Jewish, had a Bar Mitzvah. Both of my parents are Reform Jews, but I am an atheist (they both know this and are fine with it). My best friend, Russell, is also Jewish. All three have gone to Israel - Russell goes to Israel once per year.
For those of you who don't know, Birthright Israel is an organization that sponsors free trips to Israel for people of Jewish heritage. You can be anywhere from 18-32, and they'll fly you there for free for 10 days (for the record, I don't know much about the actual program, and this information is from Wikipedia).
My parents, mom especially, and Russell want me to go in June, as soon as I graduate from college. My mom took a trip to Israel at my age and she said it changed her life, so that's why she wants me to go. My dad wants me to go for the same reason. Russell wants me to go because he feels like I'm not embracing my Judaism, and his embrace of his own heritage helped him in high school and college. I have NO INTEREST in going for the following reasons:
- I'm not particularly connected with my heritage - outside of Russell, I have few Jewish friends.
- I have a bad fear of flying that I have received therapy for, but it's still not something I want to do.
- Politically, I think Israeli's occupation of the West Bank is both illegal and morally wrong and I have difficulty supporting the country. I also don't want to be judged for visiting.
- I have access to information about my heritage and it has little to do with Israel (As far as I know I'm 100% Ashkenazi Jewish, and my ancestors are from Russia, Poland, and Hungary)
So I told my parents no, and I told Russell I wouldn't be going. My mom was especially upset because she wants me to go and experience it, but I just really do not want to. I also understand that it is a free trip and I don't have a job lined up for after college, which is why my mom and Russell really want me to go now. But I really do not want to. I would rather spend ten days at home than in Israel. Also, I'm only 23, and I have nearly a decade to change my mind.
I'm stressed - I think I did the right thing for me, but I really upset my mom and Russell isn't too happy with me either (he wanted us to go together). AITA? No Jew ever wants to upset his mom.
TL;DR: Being pressured to go on Birthright, don't really want to, but now I feel bad
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
qESR5D66fAx1xmLCJucOKNhPsxsZficT
|
b6mjur
|
{
"description": "not getting my friends a wedding gift",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not getting my friends a wedding gift?
|
Two of my friends I've known for a while are getting married this weekend. It's out of town for me so I am getting a hotel for the weekend so I'm not driving all day the day of. The thing is, it's smack dab in the middle of Richmond, Va. During the weekend around a bunch of museums. The hotel costs are almost $500. That's not including food and other things I need to get done to look nice for the wedding. I.e. hair and nails. (Side note I work in a soil and concrete lab so my nails look disgusting. It would be trashy to show up at a wedding with 6 inch long blond roots. The rest of my hair is a faded blue) Plus at the risk of sounding a bit selfish, my birthday is on the same day. So I'm giving up celebrating my birthday to celebrate thier wedding. I'm not saying that my presence is a gift enough. Im also not saying I need acknowledgement from them about my birthday on their wedding day. I'm not that important friend wise and its their day. Am I the asshole if I dont get them a wedding gift?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 8,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
RIGHT
|
bUemvfy3HpmZbs7Jp4QJTh7IuEAszNfu
|
a8kkm6
|
{
"description": "never tipping when I order food to go",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for never tipping when I order food to go?
|
Let me start by saying I used to be a pizza delivery guy, so I worked for tips and completely understand how it can be. So when I get pizza delivered, or I'm at a restaurant sitting at the table with a waitress/waiter I tip really well. Usuaully at LEAST 25%.
Having said that, when I get a carry-out order, or the one that annoys me the most, when I go into a regular deli or something and order at the register, I never tip. In fact I actually get annoyed at the second one. I just ordered a sandwich at a deli and there was a tip jar sitting there and the receipt asked for a tip.
WHY??
I worked in retail for countless years and never even remotely asked for a tip. Why the fuck is it somehow OK for it to be different because food?
TL;DR: Am I the asshole for not tipping when I order food at a damn register, or get carry-out?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Nm5dPk5YQNiI4idyAjPhYzxL82yUCS9b
|
b099a6
|
{
"description": "asking my friend to stop following/talking to me constantly",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for asking my friend to stop following/talking to me constantly?
|
Will need to provide context to explain the situation
As a little precursor, I have Aspergers with one thing being for me that too much socialising can really stress me out. I go to uni with a friend I have who I've known for around 4 years at this point. We get on quite well, although there is a very strange habit that they have done over said time. It feels like they synchronise their schedule so that we happen to do the same actions around about the same time. Some of these make complete sense to me like same route home and going for lunch together, which im completely fine with and am happy with.
Where the issue in this lies for me is that this also applies to things such as going to the toilet. As soon as I say that I'm going to the toilet, they go to the toilet as well. I wouldn't really mind this so much if it wasn't for the fact this happens every single time without fail when we're together. This also applies to situations where I'm really wanting to spend time alone due to social burnout and I really just want time alone, but they change their route and time leaving to follow the same path as me. Its socially exhausting and tend to give more of a headache than anything. I try to at least hear them out since they are my friend and I just try to put up with it, although the talking becomes so one sided with the topics that I'm genuinely not interested in, its just them speaking on and on and on while I don't really say anything, due to a mix of not getting a chance to get a word in and at the time really not wanting to socialise.
I do feel bad that sometimes I just completely shut down and basically nod to whatever is being said, not really listening but with them talking for hours each day to me already I just want time to hear my own thoughts and just to be able to be able to not have to socialise all the time which is something that freaks me out majorly if I get overloaded.
Leading back to the question at hand though, I haven't said anything as of yet because I wanted to see what people here thought. I'll just note that despite what I've said, the person in question I do really like. They're a really cool person besides some of the odd synchronised schedule with whenever I seem to go somewhere like the bathroom. There's only so many times I can handle them talking on about something so much while I'm sitting on the toilet, while they're right there waiting for me. I don't really want to come across as an arse with this although its something thats just really been on my mind for a while.
TLDR: I'm friends with someone, they talk to me ALOT, attempted conversation areas can be very unnerving, (such as bathroom/restrooms while im in a stall),conversations can become very one-sided at times, I struggle to handle all the conversations they want to have which causes me to burn out from talking, wanting to ask if they could try not to talk to me constantly or synchronise their schedules all the time to that we're on the same path).
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
HCfflXCMiUiMlsLEebcYPKJTOugO1k3B
|
auggfz
|
{
"description": "refusing g to give my niece in law free reading lessons",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing g to give my niece in law free reading lessons?
|
My husband’s sister (we’ll call her Mandy) is a bitch. She orders everyone around like they’re her own personal servants (even her own mother who enables it), and she’s ALWAYS yelling, talking over people, and trying to control every situation. Simple things like how the family kids open their Christmas presents, how we order at restaurants, and how we play family games, how we stand for photos, etc., have to be controlled by her. I’ve given up fighting this for now because I can’t stand being around her let alone talk to her about something sensitive.
She’s also an anti-vax, stay-at-home mom who thinks that essential oils cure diseases. She is constantly bugging me to get in on her (pyramid scheme) products she sells on Facebook. She comes to my house to tell me that I will poison my future children with my cleaning wipes. I’m POSITIVE that my husband’s mom pays for a good portion of her living expenses as well (which would be fine if she had a real job and tried to improve herself). Basically, she is the textbook example of everything I loathe in a human being.
So...
Her daughter is in kindergarten. I have seen her assignments first hand. I’ve also heard her read. She is functioning on grade level, and does not appear to struggle in school.
Mandy just texted me to ask if I will tutor her daughter one day per week because she is “struggling to sound out words” and gives her a hard time when she tries to practice with her.
I know Mandy doesn’t plan to pay me because sh’s a bitch and has no extra money.
I am a licensed teacher (k-5) with SO much on my plate. I really don’t want to give up a portion of the little free time I do have to tutor a child (for free) who is functioning on grade level.
I haven’t replied yet. I feel guilty for saying “no” because I like to help people out. I’m just so stressed in my day-to-day life. I’m also a professional educator who doesn’t want to work for free to tutor a child who doesn’t need it. If she did need it, that would be a different story.
AITA for thinking of refusing this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
lWUOoXhyKjbMXYPiFnVLzlgeIQyxJ5pA
|
a92vz5
|
{
"description": "accidentally making my friend think everyone hates him",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for accidentally making my friend think everyone hates him?
|
**TLDR;** *Friend that lives in my dorm made me lose the* ***chance*** *for a sought-after job. I told our dorm and later confronted him alone about it, causing him to feel unwelcome.*
Never took a break from studying, meaning I finished high-school then jumped straight to College. Got into a distance-relationship that means a lot to me, has been going on for more than 4 years now. Visits regularly and just want to finish college fast so I can finally get the person to move here after I get a job. Getting a well-paid job has been my goal for the past 4 years and my 7-man dorm knows how much it means to me because I can't stfu about it.
​
Bachelor year, suddenly an opportunity; Form a group where one of the members actually has friends on the inside of one of the local most sought-after job. Usually takes in bachelor students from this college if the bachelor project was given by them. Above-average paying plus benefits. Just enough to get my partner over( law reasons)! Struck luck! My friend, who also has a distance-relationship that he recently got into, has been stressing out about not finding a bachelor group, so my group invites him and he is thankful.
Later we all have to hand in our resume + grades. Everyone is very aware about the deadline and are updating their resumes. Friend has girlfriend over. Best time of his life. Is the only one that forgets to hand in his resume so we lose the chance.
The group panics, trying to find a new bachelor in the limited time we already don't have. After some time goes by, friend pulls me into a room telling me he has bad news. He wants to leave the group because he found another group willing to take him. Tell him it's shitty, considering we lost the chance of a good bachelor project because of him. He says he knows and is pretty close to tears.
A day later, him and his group are getting ready for the an interview? I ask with who; previously mentioned sought-after company. Can't believe what I'm hearing. "Can you repeat that..?" He immediately becomes uncomfortable so I leave to not create a fuss, pretending I don't care.
I care **immensely.**
Tells exact story to others to make sure I'm not overreacting. They give me a 50/50 answer, so I keep asking half of my dorm.
"Well, he technically didn't ruin your job, only your *chance* of getting it."
"Probably slipped his mind when he was with his girlfriend."
"You can probably still get a good enough job with your bachelor."
After becoming uncomfortable my friend stays in his room all day. I try to get him out because I didn't mean to cage him. Confront him telling him what it meant to me, starts telling me he misses his girlfriend so much and he feels like he isn't cut for his education anymore. Immediately see myself in him and I feel horrible. Tells me he feels unwelcome, but I assure him nobody thinks anything bad of him. I reassure him telling him it's totally fine from my side. He smiles, becoming happy, thanks me wholeheartedly and hugs me. Starts hanging outside his room again. I stop talking shit altogether.
​
I'm still holding grudges and I did put him in a bad spotlight. Whenever I see him, I get uncomfortable and want to leave the room or be a dick about it, full Michael Scott style. Reddit, I'm sorry but I need to be sure so I can stop fucking thinking about it and just be chill with my friend again; Am I The Asshole for being so fake?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
u7rHaVouvQhygfQ3myfhiN3Y7PdBBNNe
|
al79xh
|
{
"description": "going to a fast food restaurant 15 minutes before closing",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for going to a fast food restaurant 15 minutes before closing?
|
After work, I am exhausted and hungry I work in the outskirts of town and there is only 2 fast food places. One closes at 10 pm and the other 11 pm. I usually get off work and get in the drive-through around 10:40 - 10:45 pm. I can tell from the sound of their voices they hate me with a burning passion. But I am hungry and want food.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
BwSTb3zyQWRYHvLREfYkWWDhhUUQEgBw
|
b0op5y
|
{
"description": "reconsidering my relationship after my boyfriend tells me he doesn't feel love",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for reconsidering my relationship after my boyfriend tells me he doesn't feel love?
|
For context: My boyfriend and I have been dating for a bit over a year and he told me from the beginning that he doesn't feel emotions that strongly and has a hard time with empathy/sympathy towards others.
My boyfriend and I were walking through town. He opened up about himself which he doesn't usually do, so I thought I would take the chance to understand him a bit better. Eventually I decided to ask him if he felt love. I knew I was digging a potential hole but I wanted to know how far this supposed lack of emotion stretched. To this he replied "No, not really" I then asked him if he would be sad if we broke up. "No, I would mostly have a hard time adjusting to the lack of company." I decided to remain calm about it and try to understand it a bit better so I asked him a bunch of other questions that made his approach to relationships sound as though it was more a partnership. He also told me that the gestures he does like being kind to people, hugging and kissing were things he had learned were necessary in social interactions and not something he did because he had a desire to do so (Nor a lack of).
The conversations eventually ended but after a while it got to me and just before bed he asked me why I was acting odd. I said that if he truly didn't feel love, I had to consider if I could live with that. He bluntly replied "And? ... " -" And what?" I say. "And what if you can't?" He said. "I don't know yet." Frustrated he turned his back to me in the bed. "If you don't know why do you even think about it?" I tell him that by thinking about it I can understand my emotions better and figure out what I want. "That doesn't make sense" He told me. This confusing conversation/slash argument continued for a while.
After that he switched to a new argument ( Even though I never wanted to argue in the first place and told him so) and he said "You were fine before, why did that change it?" I explain to him that I love him but I want to be loved back, I can't be happy knowing that it’s fake. Then he changed approach again, telling me that I take everything so personally and I misunderstood all that he said. I tell him that I'm sorry if that's the case and ask him to help me understand. "Why would I do that? you have clearly made up your mind about what you believe." I tell him that I want to be wrong. After much silence where he simply didn't reply me he said "No matter what I say you always misunderstand so why would I even try?" After this I'm simply crying, trying to understand him but to no avail. In the end the conversation ends unresolved and a few days have passed without us talking or texting much.
Did I overreact? I honestly don't know anymore. I tried to remain calm throughout it all and not make any rash decisions.
tl;dr My boyfriend told me he doesn't really feel love. I tell him I have to consider if I'm okay knowing that to which he tells me that It shouldn't matter, I'm taking it too personally and that I misunderstood.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
R1wjI4y5YL47QdZQNKh6yw3qv22S2c7Q
|
a5tj5q
|
{
"description": "being really happy that my best friend is about to break up with her boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being really happy that my best friend (F) is about to break up with her boyfriend
|
Context: they were really happy together, but he lost interested in her, he just stopped responding so she is about to break up
I hated him before that, he is egoistic asshole, he buys people friendship because he doesn't know better and very manipulative (take note that this is my opinion, objectively he isnt that bad, even tho he does that things)
Also sorry for my English
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
TYztuVsHH0gHTK3gWS1mgythmHrjKfjz
|
b49mwk
|
{
"description": "asking for a refund on an art piece",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If I asked for a refund on an art piece?
|
I commissioned an artist to do a valentines picture for my boyfriend. Come around to valentines day and its not finished. She told me she had gotten an eye infection and was trying to deal with that and do my art. I'm like its ok, feel better, and that my boyfriend liked what she showed us.
Well now its getting to be almost 2 months since it was due to be finished, and the WIP's I've seen doesn't show much progress and the quality doesn't seem to be the same as I had paid for. I feel like an asshole asking for my money back, only 90 bucks but still, I feel like this is getting drawn out and I'm getting aggravated with it. So WIBTA if I asked for my money back on a art piece that was suppose to finished almost 2 months ago?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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"OTHER": 10,
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
cdol9gCTH4V3q3GiD2D4xp4njqGPnOmj
|
b5gtr8
|
{
"description": "saying \"I told him so\" about his Ex",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA if I said "I told him so" about his Ex
|
Okay, so here is some backstory.
I was cheated on by my ex-girlfriend. She was sending pictures to other guys, flirting and touching with other guys behind my back. My close friend, C,, before me, got cheated on by this same girl, and he told me about it. Being dumb, I still ended up dating her anyways because at the time, she was giving me a lot of attention I never really received. He told me so.
So on Valentine's Day, she began dating the new kid in my grade, let's call him D. D and I were pretty good friends already, so he told me about it. I began to tell him about what my ex did to me and C in the past. D scoffed this off and said I was just jealous, even though I broke up with her and am with someone else. D was cussing me out, and I just said that it was fine, and it was whatever. They were happy as can be.. or so D, C and I thought.
Today, I see on my ex's story that she became single again. I was confused, and obviously since she was my ex, I wasn't going to ask her. I went to D at the end of the school day. He said that he found out that she was hooking up with some dude that she was friends with for a while. I asked who, and it was one of the guys she sent nudes to during my relationship with her. I told him that I told him that this would happen, and he was really upset at me, starting cussing at me again and stormed off.
I was shocked, since I really was looking out for him when they started dating. AITA for this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
mc9Xqevb2k42Dzaz6XqZlCjvl5IlCAFN
|
axcu03
|
{
"description": "not giving my dad's wife the stupidly expensive necklace he wanted me to give her after he passed away",
"pronormative_score": 134,
"contranormative_score": 135
}
|
AITA for not giving my dad's wife the stupidly expensive necklace he wanted me to give her after he passed away?
|
Throwaway because some friends follow my main account.
Basically my dad cheated on my mom with this woman. My mom found out and they split up, then he started letting this woman live with him. She slowly tried to cut us out of the picture. Luckily my dad didn't give into her shit and stayed in our lives.
My dad got diagnosed with pancreatic cancer 9 months ago. After he found out, he decided to marry her. And shortly after they got married he went downhill really fast. Before he went to the hospital for the last time he talked to me straight up about what was happening and he gave me a luxury brand/expensive diamond and emerald necklace for her. He asked me to give it to her after he passed away and that she "deserved" it. He also asked me to be nice to her and keep in touch with her after he died. I agreed for his sake.
It went down when he went into hospice. He told his wife that he wanted me and my brother at his side and he wanted one last visit with my mom because he felt guilty. His wife pretended to go along with what he was saying, but she never told us that he went into hospice. We had to find out through one of my dad's coworkers. When we showed up, she let us in but refused to let my mom in. They argued and this bitch put hands on my mom and shoved her, after which I stepped in and shoved her back. My mom told me that she would leave because we should be with my dad, and left. We were with him for maybe 40 minutes before she made us leave because we were "stressing him out" (he was barely conscious and holding my hand tightly). He died an hour later.
The funeral was a mess. She took every effort to cut us out of the funeral, refused to have any pictures that had us in the slideshow, and said more nasty things about my mom and her marriage to my dad infront of me and my brother. I told her to fuck off and that I wasn't going to the funeral because the way she treated us made me sick. My brother went, and she basically made the entire show all about her and her professional accomplishments that she'd made since hooking up with my dad.
That was a month ago. Apparently she's heard rumors about this necklace and guessed I have it. She's been hitting me up nonstop about it and saying stuff like she thinks my dad bought it for her, and I'd better give it to her "NOW". I sent her one text saying "I don't know what you're talking about" and left it. She's calling me and texting every day about it-- even visiting me at school, looking for me, to get her hands on it.
I don't owe her shit. I don't feel bad about not giving her this stupid necklace after everything she did. Some of my friends are telling me to give it to her and wash my hands of it, but I refuse to do it. It was my dad's last wish, but it's become so clear that she was just using him and didn't care about who she hurt to get what she wanted.
So..I dunno. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 132,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 135
}
|
WRONG
|
1MCNVfAUXA7WEmUjHh797OnK5JJcccwg
|
b1tr3a
|
{
"description": "using tears to make my point",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA if I use tears to make my point?
|
I’m in a relationship where the other person is really really frustrating me by always being inconsiderate and never putting any effort in to show me she cares at all about me.
I’ve tried numerous times to talk to her like mature adults and let her know how I feel but she really doesn’t seem to care
When I think about it I get so frustrated I actually tear up. And I think, should I show her this? Then she’ll finally realize how serious I am?? But then I also worry would IBTA for emotional manipulation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
QsQOmob6t3csAL48q68WsFM7Ri5oVy50
|
agr10n
|
{
"description": "not wanting my future children to spend significant time with my future in-laws",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my future children to spend significant time with my future in-laws?
|
I recently had this argument with my girlfriend of 4 years.
Background: my girlfriend had a very rough childhood, with a neglectful father and emotionally/(sometimes, though rarely) physically abusive mother (note: the parents are divorced). The stories my girlfriend told me about them are nothing short of horrible, from not being fed by her father in middle/high school (neglect) to being kidnapped by her mother shortly after her parent's divorce when she was eight (which, according to my girlfriend's telling of the story, almost ended violently). Her mother, in particular, is an extremely narcissistic, emotionally volatile person, with many phone calls between her and my girlfriend ending with her mother screaming until my girlfriend hangs up. I have met them several times, and her mother has negatively commented on my girlfriend's appearance almost every time (all of the comments are unfounded but that's not the point). Additionally, there have been situations where my girlfriend has desperately needed money, like when she was set to be stranded in another country due to flooding unless she purchased a $200 flight, and her mother refused to purchase it (my mother ended up buying the ticket).
​
These is not the kind of people I want my children to grow up around, but I recognize that it would be an asshole move to ban her parents from ever seeing their grandchildren. However, I absolutely do NOT want my children to be left alone with my girlfriend's mother, as I do not trust her to keep them safe or treat them like they deserve to be treated. I'm also very skeptical of her father, since he did not provide my girlfriend with food or any sort of protection when she was growing up (once her dad let her abusive ex into the house while she was sleeping and she woke up to him standing over her bed yelling at her). However, her father has clearly been making more of an effort to be present in her life and has never been outright physically or emotionally abusive to her like her mother has.
​
So all this brings me to last week when we were having a discussion about children. I forget exactly how this was brought up, but I eventually mentioned that my mother never allowed her MIL (my dad's mom) to be alone with us due to her abusive nature and that I wanted us to take the same stance with her parents. My girlfriend got very defensive about this and told me I was seeing the situation as "too black and white". But is this really that black and white? My girlfriend thinks that I'm over-exaggerating her parent's negative qualities and not seeing them holistically for who they are. But am I? Her mother kidnapped her and tried to flee the country and "allegedly" threatened a murder-suicide if the police didn't back off, she has consistently demonstrated that she does not give a shit about my girlfriend's well-being by not helping her when she was desperate (despite her mother being stable middle class), and she has (in my opinion) exhibited a lot of personality traits that I see presented time and time again in subreddits like r/raisedbynarcissists. Her father is incredibly neglectful, never defended her when HIS mother (gf's grandmother) used to kick her with high heels on, let her abusive ex-bf into the house when he was looking to "negotiate", or when she needed food growing up (food that she eventually got at friend's houses). I would feel incredibly uncomfortable leaving children with people like this, and I won't even talk about the step-parents which are each their whole own realm of yikes.
​
To provide further context, I was raised by two AMAZING parents and I recognize that my privilege here may be clouding my judgment because I simply can't believe that anyone could treat their own children so horribly and then somehow treat their grandchildren any differently. There is also a cultural difference to acknowledge here that is probably relevant in how our perspectives differ when it comes to family bonds (I am white, she is Asian, I won't specify further to maintain anonymity).
​
Tl;dr: AITA for not wanting my future wife's neglectful/abusive parents to be alone with our children?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
9w5pgdtoQkWPY2KHQYNXwOpgZ0kOEPk3
|
aysn76
|
{
"description": "being fed up with ex roomie's \"depression\"",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being fed up with ex roomie's "depression"?
|
Last summer I (F28) took in a roomie (F18). This girl, "Amy", was starting uni and with the semester one month away she still hadn't found housing. Her mother contacted me, and I took her in.
Things went well to begin with. Amy told me she had depression. I struggle myself, so I was accommodating towards her, taking on a role akin to big sister. Over the fall semester, she grew increasingly more sick as the stress of uni got to her. I spent nights sitting with her when she cried, I helped her call for help - I even drove her to a psych ward on her request and picked her up a couple of days later. I was unemployed, so I was taking care of most of the housework. Her mental illness made chores difficult for her, and she would often text me that she couldn't do the dishes due to xyz.
At this point I wanted to contact her parents, given her young age, but she begged me not to so I didn't.
We both had pets and agreed to take care of them for each other if someone was going out of town. I took care of her pet during Christmas. (Will be important later.)
Issues started when I got employment. I work long shifts and about five times a month I work 24h/day. I asked her to take care of the apt while I was gone. Cleaning and dishes fell to the wayside. She continued to get sicker.
Late January, my pets got sick. When I worked 24h I asked Amy to look after them, meaning food, water, cleaning up, and medication. She agreed.
The week after they got sick I had three 24h shifts. First two went fine. On the third night Amy texted me and told me that she couldn't petwatch anymore. It was taking her so long she had to choose between food and sleep, and she was failing her classes. I told her that I couldn't find anyone else for the night, and asked what she wanted me to do about it. She had no response.
Next day she confronted me. She said she was "furious with me for working fulltime". We got into a fight and after she refused to talk to me.
Two weeks later, I was fed up. Wanted to kick her out, but had to give 3mo notice. I was done helping when she clearly wasn't willing to help me.
I forced her to talk. She told me it wasn't working out, that the "past three weeks has shown we're not compatible to live together" and that she had a new place she'd move to in 5 days.
After this, Amy brought over her new roomie and had them stay here until she moved out. She wouldn't meet me without them. Judging by the way they treated me, I think she told them I was dangerous.
She's moved out but I'm still fuming. I feel taken used. But I cant help wondering... AITA? Did I expect too much from this 18yo girl? I feel like she was using her mental illness to get out of helping out with the household. Despite all of this, she said she *still wants to remain friends*. This is something I don't think I can at the moment. I feel manipulated.
AITA, reddit?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
O8Pv4nm9OD9UY21tlFZ8b9KZCAQEvivL
|
a3cg0x
|
{
"description": "taking back my UNICEF donation",
"pronormative_score": 185,
"contranormative_score": 24
}
|
AITA for taking back my UNICEF donation?
|
This past Halloween my family was going to go trick-or-treating so I offered to stay behind and give out candy. My parents live in an upper middle class neighborhood so families from other areas go there to get better candy, which we totally welcome and support. We usually just hold up a big bowl full of candy that kids can just grab out of and let them have at it. I personally love seeing their reactions when they see full sized candy bars in the bowl.
So family left and I stayed, everything was going well then I had a couple of teenage trick or treaters show up. I open the door with the bowl of candy thinking, "hmm these kids are a little old but whatever". That's when they say, "trick or treat... For UNICEF!"
They then tell me they're looking for donations "for poor kids who can't come trick or treat because they live in poor countries with barely anything to eat". I don't really like the way I feel trapped at that point but alright, I pull my wallet out and see I have only one dollar in there. I give it to them, one of them grabs it, holds it up between two fingers while waving it in the air and says, "oh wow a dollar! This could like, feed an entire village wow... So generous wow..." in the most sarcastic tone ever.
I look at this dude and literally snatched the dollar from him. I tell him, "or I can just give you the $.30 to $.50 I'm giving kids around here since that's about how much the candy we give out costs. Third world country kids don't even celebrate Halloween but here you are trapping people into feeling guilty. Get the hell out of here" and I shut the door in their face.
I'll admit I felt like an asshole after but damn that just came out of left field. Just felt like UNICEF was taking advantage of the situation by guilt tripping people. So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 182,
"EVERYBODY": 12,
"NOBODY": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 185,
"WRONG": 24
}
|
RIGHT
|
JG5rRmqErv3MvHQX1CfrBYizzcvlK02o
|
aszf1p
|
{
"description": "asking my bf to stop watching porn",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for asking my BF to stop watching porn?
|
So boyfriend and I have been having some trouble clicking in the bedroom, I have a higher drive than him, and it has caused a lot of disputes for the past 2 years. Today i found out that he's been watching porn and masturbating everyday and admits that he has a slight addiction starting a couple months ago. The DISRESPECT, I WAS ALWAYS WILLING TO BE THERE FOR HIM PHYSICALLY (and emotionally), but hearing him say that he would basically get off by watching others just hurts. I felt cheated, dont get me wrong I understand the importance of self love, but he can use his imagination or even ask me for pics. I asked him to stop so we can make our relationship work, so AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
mvFpPlsPARAWBEQ4MV7LkYYKXYvhRG8i
|
9wbqco
| null |
AITA: My friend is asking me for a big favor but I keep refusing
|
To be specific, my friend is asking me to drive him to his mother's house so he can insulate the water pipes since winter is coming. The issue is that his mom's house is 100 miles away and a two hour drive. When I told him that I didn't want to drive that far, he got upset that I "wouldn't take five hours of my day" to help him.
He doesn't have a car himself and none of his other friends are able to take him. Am I the asshole in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
XCSn5tbyCZzIKmF7u4QQNBVh2mOdQX4z
|
aeaw4t
|
{
"description": "defending my right to call myself an American, even if people from Southern/central american countries call me out for this",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for defending my right to call myself an American, even if people from Southern/Central American countries call me out for this?
|
I was born in the United States. For the past two years I've been living in France. When people me ask where I'm from, I usually say, 'I'm American.' I've met a bunch of people from South/Central American countries these past two years, and several of them have gotten upset when I have called myself 'American.' They have claimed that they are 'Americans' as well, and that people from the United States should not have ownership over the word.
​
Usually I apologize and move on. But the last time I was called out, I started defending my use of the word (in a completely respective, calm manner). I argued that the United States is the only country in the Americas that doesn't have a unique name for their nationality (Example: Argentina = Argentinian). Not only that, but most countries can give their nationality first, and then say that they are 'South/Central/North American.' The United States seems to be the only country that doesn't have a unique name for their nationality. To me, it seems fair that we have adopted 'American,' and it appears that most of the world recognizes the distinction.
​
I completely understand their line of thinking. Technically, they are 'American' as well, since they come from one of the American continents. But it's extremely difficult to deny calling myself an 'American' when I've been taught my entire life to call myself one. That's why I started defending myself. I'm such a progressive person and open to new ideas, but I can't help but fight back whenever I'm called out now. AITA for fighting back?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
OqgOuS25yhvu8FhIK04Jf9dLuVD0car3
|
aac6eo
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be with a girl after a few weeks of texting",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be with a girl after a few weeks of texting?
|
Last semester I sat next to a girl every Wednesday in our history class. On the last day of class before finals she asked me if I could show her around campus. She was a senior but she literally only went to campus for school then went home. I didn't have anything to do so I obliged.
I showed her all around the campus to the best of my abilities. We ended up sitting in an empty classroom and talked for a few hours. Eventually when I was pretty sure she was in to me I decided to ask her out. I asked her what movie was out that she wanted to see and then asked her to go see it with me. The date went fine but as it went on I noticed things felt off. At dinner she didn't sit by me, it was a sit on Asian restaurant with open seating. She kept trying to pay for herself too which I found a bit odd. At the movies I slowly cozied up next to her. Eventually I decided to go for the move. I put my arm around her and she very quietly lifted it off and put it down. I tried again toward the end of the movie and she did it again. (I still cringe).
I drove her back to her car and talked the whole ride back. She didn't really open up though. Whenever I asked questions she would brush them off and remain silent. So I never texted her after that. I figured whatever and moved on. A week later she messaged me and I approached her as a friend this time, figuring that our date wasn't really a date after all. After a few days she begins hinting at some sexual stuff. I play along because I am a guy. Over the next week things get more and more heated over text. I am not in the state right now so I couldn't follow up my words with actions.
Finally, last night things kinda hit the inevitable. The "where are we" conversation. I told her all the stuff above and told her I wasn't sure what she wanted. After she basically said she wanted to be more than friends I came clean. I had written her off as a romantic interest over the last few weeks because the more we talked the more I realized that romantically there wasn't much there. It would all be sexual, which I do not want. When I told her this she got upset and started telling me that I string her along and she isn't good enough for me. I tried my best to explain to her I don't want her to change but I don't want to be with her or change myself. This made things worse. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
EHYXDCMPfOqmVRfuQqBwzIXadcED6mxP
|
a71m5p
|
{
"description": "refusing an Ambulance after Doctor insisted on it",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for Refusing an Ambulance after Doctor Insisted on it?
|
I went to my doctor because what felt like a pimple forming had, in less than 24 hours, swelled and paralyzed the muscles on the right side of my face. My doctor decided I was having a stroke and insisted that I take an ambulance to the hospital. She would not listen to reason; as I insisted it was NOT a stroke due to the swelling and the pimple sensation the previous day. I promised her I'd take an Uber instead. Am I the asshole for driving to the hospital? The ambulance would have cost me a $300 co-pay and the hospital was less than 1/2 mile from my doctor's office.
I was diagnosed at the ER as having a virus and prescribed antibiotics. 3 days later and the swelling is gone and my face has returned to normal.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
v8c8uM420Ko58wxdAlxcuV968J3rtKrz
|
b5ewzi
|
{
"description": "not responding to texts during class and not letting my sister use my computer",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not responding to texts during class and not letting my sister use my computer?
|
So I’ve begin to notice recently that my mom is an entitled parent and my younger sister is an entitled child. Now neither of them have grown up amazing but still. They act super entitled to things about me.
The first thing I noticed was my computer I got for Christmas. I asked for it so I could write more as I want to writing or journalism as a future career. I’ve had it for about 4 months now and recently I ended up getting the sims 4 on it. Now I should also mention my sister is a sims addict. She loves the sims and could play it for hours. So when she realized she got it she felt entitled to play it. Now I don’t say this lightly. She comes in my room everyday at least 20 or more times and asks to play. Sometimes I’ll say no just because I don’t want anyone using my computer then, and sometimes I say no because I’m using it at that moment. Every time I say no she always storms out of my room angrily. Well yesterday she told my mother I said no and my mother texts me saying she is “disappointed in my behaviour and maybe if I can’t share my computer I don’t deserve to have it.” MY COMPUTER. Now I know it probably sounds selfish but I wanted this computer for my stuff and my stuff alone. There is a family computer that doesn’t have sims but still. So of course I let her use it after that because I felt guilty.
And now today which has taken me over the breaking point. My sister stayed home “sick” from school today even though she looks completely fine. She texted me ALL DAY LONG asking if she could play the sims. Now I didn’t text her back because I was in classes and when I wasn’t I forgot about her messages. I only have about an hour total at school for free time and I’m usually eating or laughing with friends during that time. So when I got home my sister says “can I play sims?” And I say “just let me use the bathroom and you can play for an hour. Then I have to work.” And my mom yells “what do you even have to work on!?” So I told her “I have an idea for a story that I’m working on.” Well ladies and gents, my entitled mother was not pleased with that answer. “She has been texting you all day about it!” “Well I didn’t get them until after school.” “That’s bullshit! Complete bullshit! Your phone is always in your hand!” So yeah. Now I’m getting yelled at for not answering my phone during class even though it is a known rule at my school that if phones are seen they are taken? Weird flex mom but okay.
Anyways what do you all think? Are my mom and sister acting entitled or am I just an asshole? Also if you have any questions feel free to ask.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
uVNE4kun6fPyVRmmMOWPJaBnEAfgGQtD
|
apyn0c
| null |
UPDATE-AITA for kicking a girl off our airsoft team for not following our rules. Update is we had our meeting and I sincerely took feedback from r/AITA into meeting.
|
I got permission from the moderators to update and I wanted to share what happened.
Here is the original if you didn’t see it yesterday:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/apiwrd/aita_for_kicking_a_girl_off_my_airsoft_team/
Since people had things tonight we agreed to meet over lunch and all but 3 people agreed to show up, even among the people that quit outright. So including me 16. I got to the office where we had it and was so surprised to see Madison sitting there. So that made it 17 people. The guy who has been on the team the longest basically said that in light of what happened Sunday, he would do the talking. This really annoyed me but i remembered how much bad feedback I got here and didn’t say anything.
They started off by having Madison say her thing. I have to admit she was very rational and but she did start crying which made me really uncomfortable. But basically her point was she just moved her for grad school, she didn’t want to do the bar and club scene anymore and she said the loved all of us for never asking her out or making her feel uncomfortable and it was the first time she felt like she ever found a group of people, including her sorority, where people didn’t judge her for her looks. I was like sure, whatever you think but come on. Anyways she said she was really sorry for not keeping our standards and she was just trying to have fun and she is a girl and doing crazy things with her hair or wearing pink camo is just in her mind set. She asked me if I would please consider if I she could stay on the team.
I was totally on the spot so I was just started out by saying that I was sorry and I overreacted. But then I said I think it’s best if I step down because it was obvious I take it too seriously and if 5 people quit in the spot, obviously it was time for a change. But as long as I was still doing it, I was happy to have her back.
So that lifted a huge weight in the room. So we got into more business and it turns out that the reason Madison had not bought her competition gear is because she was reaching out to various companies using her “insta-fame” to get our team sponsored. She said the reason she didn’t tell me anything because these deals are very tenuous and she didn’t want to let us down if they fell through. So she’s still working on the uniform stuff but she did get an incredible deal to become a representative for an ammo company so starting with the tournament in March we will have absolutely free airsoft pellets, which for a team of 20 people who play mostly every weekend is huge. She is starting an airsoft specific Instagram and she expects it will take off and she’ll get deals for the team. I’m literally blown away by her generosity and I’m sure she’ll make some income from it, but she’s choosing to share with us after the way I treated her.
But anyways so we talked about more team business and we decided that we would sort of split the leadership position in that we would have an adminstrator for day to day stuff and that’s going to be the guy who started the meeting but everyone was happy with how I managed the team for tournaments so I’ll be in charge of all tournament related business and conduct at tournaments. We also agreed that we would dramatically loosen the uniform requirements for weekend local play and Madison (or anyone I guess) could wear her pink camo or do her hair in bright red pony tail puffs as long as she was being safe (no belly shirts) but tournaments we would still have our team unforms.
So that is where we are. Team is still together, we get a bunch of free stuff and maybe more on the way. Madison is cool but it was the first time a teammate hugged me after a meeting but I guess we have to adjust to hugging and crying at our meetings. It’s weird but i guess I can stand to update my world view.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
86pDIR72QGOd9hQ4qzuq4gsOVbLoY9Fa
|
9ugqhi
|
{
"description": "asking my friends to stop saying the n word",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my friends to stop saying the n word.
|
I have a couple of friends (all white M early 20s, UK) who helped me out a couple of weeks ago, letting me crash on their coach while I searched for an apartment after moving to a new city. They are overall, nice guys. However both of them use "n***er" extremely liberally to describe black people and other racial epithets to describe other minorities, racial or sexual etc.
This makes me, another pasty white dude very uncomfortable as although the words do not offend me personally, they have to potential to cause others to feel offended and uncomfortable due to the weight that they carry.
I confronted them about it and was told that they could say what they wanted under their roof and that it was in private and not hurti mg anybody. Am I the asshole for calling them out? I've started to cut them off by not answering texts purely because I feel like it's shitty behaviour.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
qXjR3vdF16ZUemcmXAmUQ4JvI84tyYJw
|
b173tm
|
{
"description": "rehoming one of my pet parrots",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA: if i rehomed one of my pet parrots?
|
Ok so i have 7 parrots. Its not too much at all. However, one has developed serious agression problems that i cant seem to train out. She will fly up and bite my face. Will cackle after biting. Will go into other bird cages and refuse to come out. And its just an all around problem. I have a hard time so much as opening the food doors to feed her. I still let her out to fly around my house but the agression is just so bad i think shed be better off as a breeder bird for someone. But also birds are intelligent and bond to their owners. So would i be the asshole? Need to know asap bc the place to sell her is this weekend.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
No3aYRKhnWkcng7QY9AeQoJNMi0qMsd3
|
ajiru4
|
{
"description": "being mad at my friend that she talks to her boyfriend 24/7",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being mad at my friend that she talks to her boyfriend 24/7?
|
So, here's the thing. I've known my friend for about 6 months now, but we practically have spent every waking hour together since not only do we go to the same college, were housemates, and we took the same classes. Pretty much I'm always around her therefor, and because of this, we have gotten to know each other really well, and we're good friends.
The guy she's been talking too wasn't always her boyfriend. While we were first getting to know each other, he was a friend. But even then, he called her all the time. She had to lie just so he wouldn't get mad at her for not picking up. They ended up kissing, and things of course got to where they are now. Now, she has to talk to him all the time.
In honesty, she has no idea if they are a couple, or just fuck buddies, or whatever you want to call it. It's super complex. Therefore, she's super afraid of losing him as a friend if they break up (or stop...doing whatever). I totally get it, although it's annoying since he tends to put her through hell since he knows that. If she won't pick up the phone for whatever reason, he'll get pissed off and will shut off his phone, not answer when she calls him back, call her a liar (albeit, she does lie about why she's not picking up the phone. Her reasons though are always really quite innocent, so I don't know why she lies. For example, one time she had a meeting, but told him she was in class), and not speak to her for days on end. This always irritates me since she comes to me, and is freaking out about it.
So, to keep him happy, she's started just going along with it. They talk *constantly.* I don't just mean like texting constantly, or checking up every hour or so, no I mean talking on the phone. For example, today, we had class at 8:30, so she woke up at 7. The second she woke up, she was on the phone with him. She went to class with him on the phone, hung up at 8:30, and when we left to go get breakfast at 9:45am, she talked to him the whole time we were at breakfast, and until she went to her next class. She had class again at 11, hung up before she went, and by the time I saw her at 2:15 (fifteen minutes after her class got out), she's on the phone again. She's been on the phone ever since then. It's 6:30pm.
Last night, she was up until 3am, until she literally passed out on the phone, talking to him, and it was the same constantly talking as today. It annoys me so much, because if she doesn't do this, he gets pissed off and ignores her.
Even though we've had arguments about the fact that he literally won't stop talking to her, it came to a bad last night. Last night, I had a PTSD flare up. She came to me about 30 minutes into the flare up, stayed off the phone with him for like 5-7 minutes to help me...and went back and saw that she had 15 missed calls, and over 50 texts. Sometimes I need her, and sometimes she's not there because he's making her sit on the phone. Not to mention, she's having to do this. It pisses me off so much, but I feel like no matter what I say, this will keep happening.
It's hard for me to watch this happen. She doesn't want to talk to him all of the time, at least that's what she tells me, and I'm inclined to believe her.
I'm not only pissed at her for never standing up for herself and her time, but I'm pissed off at him for doing this to her. One of our mutual friend's has told me to just drop it, and let it happen. I've gotten into screaming matches with her over this, and I don't want to get into another one with her over last night.
I feel like I need to know if I'm an asshole for being upset in the first place. I just want her to see what's really happening.
tldr; My friend's boyfriend makes her talk to him all day, never ending. It bothers me because I feel like sometimes I need my friend, and she deserves her space. I feel guilty for being pissed off, and arguing with her over this, but at the same time, I feel like she needs a reality check.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
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}
|
WRONG
|
dnmlT78pruTbAIUxge7KWV7Xt7Kbm8Lt
|
aq42yj
|
{
"description": "snitching in my sister",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for snitching in my sister?
|
Fairly recently my sister and here friends went out for a bit and I thought nothing of it as you would normally.
About an hour and a half later my sister comes into my room sobbing saying there was a police car (uk)
I asked her what happened and apparently they thought it would be funny to break down a door that seemed like it led to an abandoned house which turned out to be a small factory still being used (after hours) and the alarms went off so they legged it
I thought the best thing to do was tell the police car there due to the fact that one of her friends had just stood by telling them not to go in
A whole bunch of stuff happened and she got away with it because of a first offence underage yet nowadays I get called a snitch
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
p3kXw79PB9ioJcapaUypC5vG3QyQ02Ww
|
as57y4
| null |
AITA checker that works for the same company got mad at my goodbye?
|
Went shopping with my Mom at a store location belonging to my employer, love the company.
As we go to check out, it is crowded. I will be Uvi91 and A.F. the checker Anxious Fool.
Uvi 91 :Hi.
AF: How are you doing tonight?
Uvi: Good.
I was tired and didn't get into conversation with her. Being sleepy I started to yawn and told her and my Mom, "Excuse me, I'm just really tired. I don't know why I am so sleepy."
No one offered comment.
She gave me my receipt.
AF: Do you need help out?
Uvi91: No, thank you anyway.
AF: Okay. Have a goodnight.
Uvi91: (Raise hand to wave bye). You have a good day. (I'm thinking oops, it's night time.)
As my Mom and I walk away, the checker says in an angry voice, "I don't know why she told me to have a good day."
My Mom said she then made a dismissive gesture putting her hand up, perhaps an imitation of my wave.
So whose the asshole?
If I had not been tired, I would have turned around to tell her, "Excuse me AF but I'm a checker too and I work at a the Pfluger location. And I wouldn't say that as loud as you or make fun of someone. I'll stay away from your line since it rubs you the wrong way."
In the long run, who cares. I can share this funny story with my coworkers and family, while omitting her name .
I will stay away from her line and register now.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
FFTZAxCUIpxSGZGUDLWpHnCtYxtQnHXv
|
a5d8am
|
{
"description": "\"half\" accepting my mom's apology after she belittled me",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA because I "half" accepted my mom's apology after she belittled me
|
My parents have been going through what has seemed like a divorce, except it's going on 3 years now of conflict. Basically, my mom feels that a friendship my dad had with a woman was further than he says it was. She thinks it was a full blown affair. He's admitted that he became too close and talked to her too often, but she wants more of admission. She's 100% set in her beliefs, and has consistently lashed out in different ways over these last 3 years -- destroying things in our house, physically attacking my dad, verbally attacking him and often my sisters and I, especially if we give her any push-back on the conflict which we can't seem to get them to stop bringing us into.
She tries to bring us down with her sadness. It seems like she doesn't want us to be happy if she isn't, and anything else is heartless on our part. She lashes out at me for the smallest things, especially if she thinks I am being too friendly with my dad. She always tells me that I side with him because he "gives me things" and that I am "cozying up to daddy warbucks". I can't even have a conversation with my dad without expecting her to be harsh to me later on. The real problem is that I live at home right now. I just graduated college and the only job I could find for my degree is in my hometown so I've been saving money by living at home. It's really difficult to leave, because when things are fine, it's really not a situation where I'm a burden or have overstayed my welcome, and they both tell me that. But everything is in a cycle like it has been for 3 years -- everything is fine and then blows up, she hurts most of our family in different ways, cuts out a relative, etc., but then it stops. She generally doesn't apologize, and if she does, it is minimal and usually blames my dad more. She just expects everything to continue like it never happened, and I generally go along with that because I don't want to cut her out of my life or blow something up. But I can really tell that it is affecting me, so I've been thinking more about not allowing this cycle to continue.
Today I came home for lunch and was cooking something and she got upset with me for something I said. I really don't know why she got mad. I was talking about turkey bacon.. I tried to tell her that I can't keep accepting this, that sometimes she's just going to lash out at me for no reason even. It turned into a much larger argument and she told me that I learned my "bad habits from my dad", and that I am going to "die a sad, lonely man". That really got to me. I think she knows my insecurities and decided to attack them directly like she does my dad -- "Your friends only like you for your money."
I just got increasingly angry and more sad because it's hard to not feel like it says something that my own mother would corroborate a feeling I fear deeply, when she was angriest and most unfiltered.
My sister called her and said my mom was very angry over an argument we had, and I explained to her what happened. I shouldn't have told her what was said. I think she ended up screaming at my mom over it because when I came home my mom was there and immediately tried to hug me and wouldn't let me go until I hugged her back but I truly didn't want to. She just said it was so horrible what she said and that she shouldn't ever say anything like that.
I just kept telling her that I didn't want to be a part of all this between her and dad and she kept saying that isn't a part of that. I told her I can't keep accepting these apologies because it's not the first time you've said something like this. Usually she claims she "doesn't remember saying it" when I bring it up months later, and she probably doesn't apologize on her own accord usually because I typically don't give her the cold shoulder and reject her calls like I did today. I just told her that I will forgive her, but I'm really not convinced that it will stop. She went into an explanation of how my dad indirectly made her do this and how it was his fault and I became a lot more forceful in what I was saying. I just rehashed how this is messed up and it has nothing to do with my dad, this woman (I said her by name which I shouldn't have), that SHE said that to me and that I think she is emotionally abusive. I told her that what would make me feel better is not talking about this ever, and to be left alone. She walked away and I heard her crying as she walked down the steps. I'm so worried about her and that this might send her further into depression or that she might do something even worse
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
I8K8ABkhqeMK5fJJosLsNs7PkLliXxaG
|
b5jueq
|
{
"description": "not wanting to being dads caretaker",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to being dads caretaker
|
I'll try and shorten it. My dad has severe anxiety/depression/vision issues along with a lot of other medical problems that make it very difficult for him to operate on a day to day basis. Along with being his caretaker I work and go to school online. I dedicate most of my free time to him and am up at crazy hours when he doesnt feel well and fall behind on work/school and I've noticed my own health deteriorating from this stress and own personal anxiety. Haven't discussed with him yet but AITA for wanting to find another caretaker?
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"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend when she stopped hanging out with her friends",
"pronormative_score": 6,
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AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend when she stopped hanging out with her friends?
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**TLDR: My ex refused to hang out with her friends instead of me, and sees being alone with the opposite sex as something shady. I consider spending time with friends and the opposite sex to be healthy, and broke it off.**
I have a very close and tactile relationship with my friends that includes hugging and cuddling, and I like to cultivate those friendships by sometimes meeting up with friends one-on-one. I find that people are too closed off from their friends, and I don't want to be the kind of guy who doesn't hug his friends or show emotion. I am very open with my view on this, and I look for partners with a similar view on platonic skinship.
Therefore, I have 3 important criteria for a potential SO:
1. They have friends of their own, with which they spend regular time with.
2. Some of those friends are members of the opposite sex. I don't trust people who are incapable of having platonic friendships with the opposite sex.
3. They, at the very least, hug their friends (the friends who want to be hugged, that is.)
Recently, I started dating a girl who went to my dance class. I hadn't really dated outside of my social circle before, so she didn't really know how I acted around them, but I made sure to be open and clear about the way I drew my boundaries, and invited her to most of my outings the following months. She never invited me to hang out with her friends, which I didn't really care about: I figured I'd meet them eventually, but if she wanted her social life to be entirely her own, I was okay with that. It's not like I wanted her to always hang out with me and my friends either.
During our time together, she cut off a couple of her male friends, but she explained that they were pretty toxic and that it was for the best, and I reasoned that she knew better.
2 months later, I noticed that she visibly sulked when I made plans with a friend, and I suggested that she do something with her friends. We had been hanging out a lot just the two of us recently, and I figured she missed her friends too.
She blew up at me, saying that she didn't want to hang out with her friends because she was in a relationship, and that meant that she'd much rather just spend time with me than them. And if I didn't feel the same, then it meant I probably didn't like her. We argued for a while, but after cooling off for a bit, she came back and said that she wasn't going to argue about my friends, but that she felt spending time alone with other people, especially other guys, was an act of betrayal and that she wouldn't do it.
I broke up with her, which she was understandably very upset about, and she expressed this through some very angry text messages that I've deleted.
I'm conflicted. It's not like she tried to cut me off from my own friends, but I just don't feel like I'm compatible with someone that doesn't share my outlook on social life. Am I the asshole for breaking up just because of that?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "telling my husband to come home",
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AITA for telling my husband to come home?
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Long story short, my husband has had multiple affairs. Our therapist told us that he needs to be willing to be held accountable and that we need to set up guidelines for him to follow for awhile, to rebuild trust. So, with our therapist, we come up with, for one month, he should be home by 10 and that he shouldn't drink with women. He tells me this is totally fine and acceptable. Last night, he goes out with the guys for the first time and assures me that he will be home by 10. 9:50 rolls around and he texts me and says, "it's just me and 'Jim', do you mind if I stay out?" I told him that, coming home at the time we agreed to, would really go a long way in rebuilding my trust. He argues and whines about how it's just one guy, all the women (who he said he wouldn't drink with) have left now and he should be able to stay out. Well, we end up in a huge fight over this, to the point where I tell him that if he doesn't want to fix the marriage, then I'm going back home to my family. He finally comes home, 45 minutes late and tells me that he was home before 11 and he texted me before 10 so that's good enough and now, 'Jim' is mad at me. Also, he says 10 just isn't doable for him and he will not follow it anymore. He's only got 2 weeks left of this anyways. Am I wrong here? Am I being unrealistic and demanding? Or am I right in being angry that he went back on his word and tried to use 'Jim' to make me feel guilty?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "being mad at my flatmate, cause she was uppity in my opinion, in an already cold relationship",
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AITA for being mad at my flatmate, cause she was uppity in my opinion, in an already cold relationship?
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Hey guys. I am a 25 year old male and live with two girls, both 28 in a 3-room flat. We are living together for a year now, and my relationship to the girls are very different. Let´s call ´em Ann and Mir. I have a good relationship to Ann and would consider her a friend. We talk about our issues, have fun together, although most of the time inside our four walls. We have the same kind of humour and she is very patient with me. To Mir I had an okay relationship in the beginning, turning into a bad one over the months. My problems with her are, that most of the times we talked it was either about her work or her medicine studies, where it seems she always puts herself on top of others, because others cause problems and she is always better. When I talk about my issues with her, which I barely did the conversation often shifted to her problems. I dont like people who are all about themselves, I want to share a conversation, not listening to a monologue. Some friends of mine, who met her also say she was an unsympathetic person, but I have to say I ranted about her, before they met her so this could have influenced their opinion. And sometimes she doesnt do her dishes and her kitchen mess right away, but thats actually not a big prob.
For me I am far from perfect. I´m sometimes short tempered, in case of her more often, because we had fights before and then I have the urge to defend myself and take things more personal. Also I broke some of Mir´s things and didnt come up for it right away. It wasnt on purpose, but she had to talk to me that I pay up for it. The worst thing i did, i drew some beards on her anatomy posters in the living room and laughed when she was upset, so a real dick move from me. I paid for the posters and apologized but I still have a bad feeling about it.
So in all we have a cold relationship, I barely talk to her, because of the conversation we have and she barely talks to me, because I take criticism of her personally sometimes and she doesnt want to deal with that.
Yesterday evening, she asked me why I take so many night shifts in the week, when I have university afterwards. I explained I wanted to have some free weekends and would deal with less sleep. She then said I hadnt that problem in the last university term, because I barely was in the university. I answered she knows me that I am a lazy person and not motivated in the last term. So she said "Although you said in the beginning of the last term you would get your work done" I heard a derisive tone from that and left the conversation. I want to add I was still tired cause of my night shift the night before and may have wanted to hear that from it.
Afterwards she asked whats the matter and I said she should consider how she talks to other people when they open up to her and then get smeared their weaknesses that they admit, in their faces.
She didnt understand my anger and said she meant no harm with that saying and didnt want to discuss with me further because I was still tired, I agreed.
We are both not perfect person, but am I the asshole in this relationship? I really cant judge it right,
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HISTORICAL
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AITA For laughing at my short friend?
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So, just a few hours ago I laughed at my short friend. AITA?
(TLDR at the bottom)
So, I (M19), was with my friend, (M18), at a small convention hosted at my local mall. We were walking around, mainly talking and buying a couple items before we found a carnival around the back. We decided to give it a try. We tried that ladder game but gave up when we saw what everyone was pretty much there for. A long course that ends with a zipline. We both wanted to try it, so we headed up. Though, my friend, (who is small), didn't fit the height limit. He yelled, that he was not a elf, or goblin, but a gnome! I laughed for a solid few seconds, and watched as he stormed off. AITA?
TLDR: Friend didn't meet height limit, said he wasn't an elf nor goblin, but a gnome. I laugh as he walks off. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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AITA: I mentioned casually while talking about periods with my boyfriend and our roommate that I free bleed and my boyfriend has taken it to this level that insults me.
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Apparently I’m gross for doing this and I’m not acting like an adult because I don’t want to spend my money on tampons. He is so worried that I’ll bleed on everything but for the past 6 months or more I’ve been doing it and even though I haven’t stained anything except for my underwear he’s still all worked up about how if I bleed on things he’s gonna be so pissed. I’m gross for doing this and it’s affects him too because he lives here. Am I the asshole for getting mad at him? He says that I’m just being some basic white girl feminist and that I’m being disgusting. I’m currently crying in the spare bedroom with my cats while he feels justified.
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HISTORICAL
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aimh29
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AITA for cranking my Sub Woofers with my girlfriend's son in the car?
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I am not that great of a writer so please bear with me as I try to start this out. I am 26, ex US Army going to college in a town near where I grew up. I just started dating a single mother about 2 weeks ago and it's like instant chemistry with all three of us. The boy's dad is an absolute dead beat, and being US Army I've seen plenty of those so I've done my best to make the boy feel like he's special and deserving of respect.
I am also huge into DemoBass systems. My car is my passion. I drive a 2009 BMW M-series with the truck and back seat filled as best I can with sub-woofers. I get so much pride out of being the person you can hear coming from miles away. I've won local car and bass contests because it's something I put my heart and soul into.
So here is where he stories cross paths. My girlfriend hates my system. She say's its obnoxious, it hurts her ears and it's a major sticking point between us progressing in our relationship. I tell her that I will always want to be loud and proud but I can turn it down when she's around. She agreed but told me she still doesn't like it. She also said that I am never to play my bass with her son in the car. I also agreed.
Well yesterday, her dead beat ex didn't show up to pick up her son but she had to work. She asked me if I might be able to watch him for the day. I happily agreed. We were out cruising around and he kept begging me to crank my system up but I said your mom wouldn't like that. So finally we were at a light and some choad came up next to us with a weak ass system and finally my pride got the best of me and let Aiden absolutely crank the system. It was so loud and impressive that he was actually vibrating in his seat. We laughed so hard when the choad slinked away in his little rice grinder. I had the volume up for maybe 5 minutes before I said his mom wouldn't like it so we should turn it down. All was good, five minutes of fun.
I told Aiden we don't want to keep secrets from his mom but maybe lets just not talk about this and it was between us.
So all was good, girlfriend was super appreciative that I watched him for the day and even started talking about the next night she has off and her mom can watch Aiden, she'll stay at my place for the first time. I was like on cloud nine.
But then overnight I just started getting angry text after angry text from her because I guess Aiden told her about the choad and how we buried him at the intersection. I tried to respond that it was only five minutes, bass doesn't damage hearing anyways and he really loved it. She called me an asshole for violating her rule, she said I was immature for having the "stupid bass" anyways and her last text was "we're done!" before apparently blocking me.
It's 541 AM here and I'm lost because things were going so well and now this? I'm just devastated and wish she would listen to reason.
am I the asshole for this?
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AITA For Making a Nabka/War of Independence Joke?
|
I recently went to various countries in the Middle East with a university program, Israel being one of them. I posted a picture of me in Israel on Instagram where the caption was a joke referencing how Israel somehow beat 5 other sovereign nations in Nabka. As background, I am currently a university student, and the university I attend has a decently strong Jewish presence (I am not Jewish). Also, my university is very left-leaning and basically anytime you disagree with popular belief, you'll get ridiculed pretty hard (and that's putting it lightly).
A girl in my class (we'll call her Rachel) took my caption as me mocking the region's war history. I respond by saying that if she's offended by my post, I'm willing to sit down with her and discuss it with her (my parents also come from a nation with a LONG history of war). Rachel then responds by... well I'm not really quite sure how to describe how she responds, except citing my privilege of being able to visit Israel and how many Palestinians aren't allowed back in their home. Also note Rachel is an American citizen (who can ALSO freely enter Israel) with Middle Eastern roots.
For those who don't know, Nabka is the war that happened in Mandatory Palestine between several Arab states and Israel after the UN voted to split it into Palestine and Israel. Read about it here: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1947–1949_Palestine_war
Now I'm not super knowledgable on the Israel-Palestine conflict, but I sure as hell don't condone a lot of the actions of the Israeli government (ex: Israeli settlements in West Bank), so I apologize and tell her that I was only trying to poke fun of the incredulity that is Israel 1v5 and winning. I direct message Rachel, asking if she wants to meet up to talk about my post, what offends her, and hear what she has to say. No response. Her friend, Megan, (also an acquaintance of mine) also chimes in and basically echoes Rachel's sentiments.
I'm not trying to burn any bridges here. I generally got along relatively well with Rachel and Megan. A few others commented they found the caption humorous, but now I'm not sure if my joke was insensitive, or if I'm just an asshole? Please let me know!
Here's screenshots of the posts with names crossed out: https://imgur.com/a/dUn7W2w
Red = me
Green = Rachel
Blue = Megan
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AITA for not allowing my grandfathers enablers at his funeral
|
Sorry for the long post but this is a mess. My grandfather died last week and although we had a good relationship growing up we have been estranged for 10 years as he was an abusive alcoholic.
During those ten years, his neighbours stepped in to “help” by buying him alcohol and taking his money.
He died in horrible circumstances and it has been very traumatic for everyone.
We have decided to have a closed, family only funeral as we really don’t want the drama however my aunt feels that everyone should have the right to say goodbye including his enablers.
I really can’t face being in the same room as them because there is too much anger.
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AITA for expecting someone to show up to practice?
|
Here’s the story. I’ve been the vocalist for a band for about a year now. We are a three piece, including myself, the drummer and our guitar player. We ended up renting a small rehearsal space for quite a bit of money. The reason for this is because we had no other option for a place to rehearse, and this one was closest and also cheapest. All 3 of us are in school and have jobs. Guitar player has 2 other bands as well. When we agreed to rent, it would be roughly $130 per person a month. No issue everything was great, no complaints. We dedicated Sunday afternoons to meet and practice with each of us writing and recording on our own at home during the week. All of a sudden guitar player couldn’t make the payment anymore. His reasoning was “$130 is too expensive to only be there 4 times a month”. Fair enough. This led to me and the drummer splitting the bill, ending with $200 each. To compensate guitarist would buy equipment we needed. We are determined to do anything that will work including higher bill. We begin meeting twice a week, Friday and Sunday now. Fast forward 6 months. Roughly 2 months ago drummer was having a really hard time and didn’t know if they could pay the next payment, same with myself. When I brought it up with guitar player he said “we have to keep it. I know for sure we won’t ever do anything if we don’t keep this”. We bite the bullet and continue paying. Forward 2 months: Now I receive a text from guitar player saying he can’t meet on Fridays anymore because he has started another band. I explained thoroughly to him that we were not okay with that. I’m not against his other projects at all, we’ve always supported his projects and do everything we can to help out. But we are paying money to ensure we have a place to practice. Within the last 6 months, guitar play compensate with a single $20 item. He bought a mini fridge at goodwill. We discuss; he’s says he’s not obligated to be there, which I told him is correct. But it’s not fair for me and drummer to be working our asses off to afford the room and now use it less? I told him that if he was still paying on the room it would be a different story. if $130 is too expensive for him to only be meeting 4x a month. Then why is it okay for me to pay $200 for the same thing? He said it wasn’t fair for me to expect him to be there, and he’s burnt out on music. I told him, he’s right he’s not obligated to be there but it’s not fair to us either. If he’s so burnt out on music, why start another band? I just want an honest opinion here. AITA?
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|
AITA for wanting to tell my friend that she should stop humble bragging whenever she talks about school and grades?
|
My (16M) friend (15F) and I are both sophomores in different high schools. It's worth noting that her school has "valedictorian" and "salutatorian" titles for each grade and not just seniors.
So my friend and I were talking via SMS about school in general the other day, and she brought up how she was essentially failing and that she was very stressed. Well, this was concerning to me, as she has always been known to be one of the most academically gifted people in her school. I asked her to elaborate, and she said her grades were just under the level necessary to be student of the year.
Of course, I thought that it was quite ridiculous that "just below student of the year" was considered failing in her book, but before I got to say anything else, she sent a text saying something along the lines of "I guess I'll just have to settle for sophomore valedictorian this year."
At this point, I, potentially wrongfully so, recognized this as a humble brag, and a bad one at that. I didn't say anything else to her that night except for "goodnight", but next time she does this (it has happened before, but not to this extent), I may bring up how obvious it is that she is bragging.
WIBTA if I were to do this?
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|
AITA for telling a person to stop because he was holding his arm over my shoulder?
|
On mobile, yadda yadda all that stuff. Context: There's this dude in my class who hates me and is a douchecanoe, not like grade-a douche but still a douche. He is also one of the popular kids. He also thinks im gay. My friend who's a friend of the douche told me that he hates me because I reflexively called him bitch once but, the thing is, I call everyone a bitch, all of my friends and other classmates and even people below my grade so it's not personal but i think he took it personally.
So actual story now. My classmate who was sitting next to this douche was noisy so the teacher made her switch seats with me. It was math so most of us didn't get the lesson. I already hated being with him but being beside him gives me a whole new other level of anxiety so I hated it the entire time I was beside him. While the teacher was discussing, he kept whispering to his friend (I'm pretty sure they were talking about me) and after they whispered to each other for a bit, he suddenly said "Do you get the lesson?" in a patronizing-ish way and I shook my head and said no at the same time. He asked me again after another whisper session with his friend but this time, he held his arm around my shoulder as he asked, and instead of saying no again, i reflexively said" stop" in a serious tone and I'm pretty sure I offended him in a way.
AITA??
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|
AITA for not wanting my living space to be designed like a unicorn’s ‘flower power’ puke?
|
Hey guys, I’m a little lost in terms of whether or not I’m being a jerk by getting slightly upset in this scenario. Please let me know AITA.
I am a 27 year old woman and about 6 months ago I got out of an abusive relationship, got clean, went to rehab, and dramatically changed my life for the better. When I got out of rehab my dad (D) and my step-mom (SM) convinced me to move in with them so I am not alone and so they can ensure that I do not relapse.
My D, SM, and I have never had a great relationship but things have been far better than the abuse of my childhood. I am very grateful to live in their home, have offered to pay rent (offer declined), and try to help out as much as possible (shovelling snow, laundry, dishes, etc.). For the most part I put my feelings or wishes aside in an effort to maintain a peaceful home. Recently however a situation has occurred which has been irking me.
The room I am staying in was designed for my sister when she was 8 years old and is painted baby blue, decorated with picture of flowers, rainbows, angels, and stars. The colour theme is baby blue, green, pink, and orange. It is not my style but I’ve been ok with it given that it is not my house to dramatically alter.
That changed last week when our cleaning lady told me that my SM thinks it’s funny that I’m stuck in this childish room and that she plans on making it into a proper, neutral, adult guest room once I leave. This upset me significantly as I’ve asked before if I can take down the childish flower power paintings and angels and put my own bedding on the bed and I was told that the room must stay as it is until they sell the house in a few years.
Then today my SM told me she and my D are cleaning out their basement and asked me to go through some paintings and photos to see if there is anything I would like to keep. I selected one painting and asked to keep it. My SM said that was cool but that I should take it to my closet or storage locker. I asked if I could hang it in my room where the three “flower power” pictures are hanging. I mentioned that I would not have to put any new holes in the wall and that I could keep the flower paintings in my closet so they can be put back up when I move out. My SM told me that it would be ridiculous for me to change anything in the room and that she walks by the room sometimes and wants to see it as is if she glances at it.
Am I out of line for wanting to make this space a little more comfortable? I would not be throwing anything out (and would safely store the childish decorations), would not make any new holes in the wall, and would only use things that I already own and have been keeping in storage. I am very grateful for the place to stay, so AITA for asking for this change or should I just keep things as they are?
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|
b3imjh
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my friend for forgetting a deal we made",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my friend for forgetting a deal we made?
|
Yesterday my friend and I were playing a video game of mine at his place. When it was time for me to leave I was going to take it with me but he was insistent that I leave it for him to play overnight. I didn’t want to do this but we ended up making a deal that he would get me food at his job tomorrow when I pick him up (he works at a local deli). I agreed and left.
The next day I delayed lunch because I was anticipating picking him up and he would get me food. I texted him what sandwich I would like him to get me and he responds “Shit man I already got a ride” which pissed me off. This was probably an overreaction on my part but (after sending him an angry text) I went to his house, told his mom that I needed a game back that I let him borrow, took it and left.
I thought he was intentionally screwing me over but he later said that he forgot and I was overreacting. He said he took 2 Xanax bars and drank some alcohol the night before and that made him forget. This led to an intense argument between us with him saying I shouldn’t have been so angry and he sent that initial text (about getting another ride) when he was in the middle of work. He was also insistent that I should have reminded him. My main argument is that taking Xanax/alcohol is not an excuse and he should have made a point to remember especially after I sent the text about what food I want. I don’t think I should have to remind him to hold up his end of the deal. I wished I could have not let him borrow it but it’s too late for that.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
HMqY4omIFqvluG9CQu7bM5477GH4Z8f7
|
ba2tgk
|
{
"description": "arguing with the Wal-Mart greeter",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for arguing with the Wal-Mart greeter?
|
When walking out of the Wal-Mart after purchasing my things, I walked by the Wal-Mart greeter without showing my receipt to them. I was carrying a small bath rug in one hand and the rest of my things in a bag. She asked for my receipt, and I thought about just walking away and ignoring her, but something clicked inside me and I turned around instead. I asked her, "Why do I need to show you my receipt?" I began to complain that this isn't Sam's Club or Costco where I need to show a receipt to confirm membership and what not, and that it is very inconvenient to the customers. I just want to come in a buy my things and leave in peace, I'm not stealing anything. Then I just left her there and walked away.
​
Am I the asshole? Should I have just showed her my receipt and been done with it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 15
}
|
WRONG
|
VoYUXWdbTinxCJXlNDAM8dnE5tghSgOA
|
b9whjf
|
{
"description": "coming out to my extended family even though my parents don't want me to",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for coming out to my extended family even though my parents don't want me to?
|
I (25F) came out to my parents (50s M/F) when I was a sophomore in college. They are extremely religious, and while I thought it was kind of obvious that I was gay, my announcement came as a huge shock to them. I'll spare you the details, but basically while they didn't threaten physical violence or kick me out of the house, the conversation did not go well and they said a lot of extremely hurtful things.
Our relationship was very tense for a while after that. I only talked to them about travel logistics or financial matters, and stopped relying on them emotionally, building up a support system among my friends instead. After I graduated and got my first "real" job, I stopped relying on them financially too.
Eventually we worked through it and we got to a place of mutual understanding and respect (or so I thouguht). I told them about my current partner when we first started dating, and while they weren't exactly thrilled, they didn't try to dissuade me and accepted it. My dad even made efforts to ask about her when it became clear that we were pretty serious.
Fast forward to a few years later, my partner and I are getting settled in our careers, and feeling stable enough that we want to start planning a wedding. I really love her and want to get engaged, but I also don't want my engagement to be the first time my extended family finds out that I'm gay. I reached out to my parents and broached the subject of telling the rest of the family about me being gay (without mentioning the pending engagement), and they said that they were sorry, but they just weren't ready to have that conversation yet.
I understand their concern. My extended family is also extremely religious and would probably not take the news well. When I first came out, my parents asked me not to tell the rest of the family -- and I agreed, mostly because I didn't really want to tell them anyway. But that was six years ago, and at this point I'm tired of censoring myself on social media and want to just live my life openly. I feel like if my parents don't feel ready by now, they'll never feel ready.
I'm considering giving my parents an ultimatum of telling our extended family by a certain timeline, or I'll do it for them -- but it feels so selfish. Honestly, I don't really care if my extended family disowns me, I rarely see them nor do I care what they think. My life wouldn't change that much if I never spoke to them again. But my parents interact with my aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, etc every day, and this ultimatum might put them in the position of having to choose between me or them. I'm concerned that they wouldn't end up choosing me, but beyond that I know it would definitely affect their day-to-day life way more than mine -- which is why I'm not sure if forcing their hand here is an asshole move.
So, what do you think? WIBTA for coming out to my extended family even though my parents don't want me to?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
XD5EepBUHGny9w8l3M1A2oyKKm4OgXLd
|
a3vtcj
|
{
"description": "jokingly making a witty comeback against a coworker",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for jokingly making a witty comeback against a coworker?
|
Throwaway since work people know my main.
Backstory, I work in a team of 8 in IT. We all are good friends and make jokes all the time. The people that have been on the team will make jokes about anything and some are terrible but that’s what’s funny. Nothing racist or anything like that, mostly jokes about how “oh you don’t know this thing, let me make sure everybody knows” we all have a laugh and then teach them what they need to know.
In the past month or two because of management half our team was replaced with newbies. They are all pretty cool, and have been in on the jokes, it keeps the spirits high even with the stress.
Yesterday one of the newbies (call him Joe) was struggling with something, he knew what he was doing it was just taking longer than expected. Mostly due to file transfers, not even his fault. But he was stressed over it I guess.
We were telling a story of a previous employee, who is my friend, who did something dumb, and it injured another employee. Joe starts ragging on him hard. Saying things like “what a dumbass” “he must have been a trash human being” and “he’s a complete idiot”.
After the last one I turned to him and said “wow, that’s what I think of you every day”.
His tone changed, I could tell he was upset. He said “you know I could beat you up right”, i jokingly said “I bet you could”. Then he started saying “nobody asked your opinion” then he got cutoff for work business.
He called off work today, could have been completely unrelated, or maybe I really pissed him off that much?
So was my not so witty comeback too far? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
aRfUGBIP7HOazwPUwtLn4NIubu4tZKBj
|
ajw65d
|
{
"description": "accidentally making my friend mad",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for accidentally making my friend mad?
|
Me and my friend usually screw around with each other a lot. It's just the nature of our friendship and there have never really been any real problems between us. He usually intentionally annoys other people just to get a rouse out of them and everyone does it back, admittedly me the most. We're extremely close and we always joke about personal stuff that never gets either of us mad.
This morning me and him were talking and I asked him if he was going out tomorrow night and he responded saying one of our friends is having a party. I kept asking if that person was hosting a party to annoy him and to my surprise he actually started getting annoyed. So I kept asking him that same question while we were near my friends and everyone is laughing because he's clearly getting more annoyed and then he turns around and hits me. Not some small tap like full on hits me. Before he hit me he said "if you ask one more time i'm going to get pissed. I was just so shocked because usually he's the one that annoys everyone and we do it back and forth to each other but something literally so stupid actually made him put hands on me.
Tl;dr Me and my friend always fuck around. I fucked around with him by repeatedly asking a quesiton and he got mad and hit me. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
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