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OZYYJ8L06rhnmXBVymLJMriVWgS4qeVo
|
aeqde1
|
{
"description": "telling my roommate to stop snoozing his alram",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my roommate to stop snoozing his alram
|
I'm in college, and share a room with a roommate. Since the second semester has begun he has to get up earlier than me. I am fine with him having an alarm, because he has get up somehow. However, for the past couple mornings he has been snoozing his alarm about 5 times before he gets up. Today I asked if he could set his alarm later, because I wake up to each time he snoozes the alarm. He did not seem to enjoy me asking this. Am I the asshole for asking?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
a1olby
|
{
"description": "refusing to see most of my biological family",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For refusing to see most of my biological family?
|
So, I’ll start with my father. He left me with my mom when I was 3 months old, and left my mother struggling financially. Since then, I’ve seen him a total of maybe 10 times. Mainly around holidays, because I always wanted to see him when I was younger. As I’ve grown and changed, I realized that if he wanted to see me, he would make the plans. So I’ve pretty much cut him from my life. Only time I see him is when I do stuff with my half sister, because she sees me as a role model and wishes I could see her more often (she’s somewhere around the age of 9). My mother disagrees, and says I should try to see him more often, and my stepdad is on my side. He’s been more of a father in the 6-7 years than my biological father has ever been.
Second part, is my mother’s side of the family. Particularly, her mother. She’s a completely awful human being. Her youngest son (20) completely ignored everything she said to him while he was growing up and managed to do fine. The other, (23) is a mess. Doesn’t have a license since she told him that there’s no use since he’d end up dead or killing someone else, took awfully long to graduate high school because she always puts him down, telling him he won’t amount to anything. She also had convinced them that her daughter is adopted because when she had to give birth, she told the family she had appendicitis. I absolutely refuse to see her, but my mother is begging me to see her. Last time I was with her, she told me to never come back because I gave her attitude, and has told my mom that when she visits, not to bring me.
Sorry about the massive amount of text, but I had to get this off my chest and figure out if I’m doing the right or wrong thing.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
9vgjtz
|
{
"description": "not wanting to hang out with this girl",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to hang out with this girl?
|
Okay so some context. I am in the mentor leadership thingy st my school so basically I get assigned to help some 9th graders. So it was our first day in classrooms to help them and I was helping my mentees. Two girls come in. Knowing them they weren't good at math. So they did the best they could to help some kids but I was called over under special request by one of the 9th graders. She was having trouble and class was almost over so I had no time to help her.
I asked her if she wanted to meet after school for some help. She replied yes. Can we meet every day. Keep in mind she was not one of my mentees. I said yes. Later that day I got called to my counselors office to talk about some stuff. It was Friday and also a short day so lunch was at the end of the day. After 6th period I was called to my counselors office. I was in there for a while and by the time it was lunch was also over and I decided to just go home. Something about the way she said she wanted to meet after school every day for help was weird from the look i got from her she wasn't the prettiest. She was clearly into me and I wasn't sharing the same feelings. So I decided to not see her after school at all. She was also a 9th grader and I'm a 10th grader not much of a difference but still. So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
nRJFygVvAfxORTuJzoZ0PpWgPsaOb4pY
|
a7cznw
|
{
"description": "requesting credit on my meme",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for requesting credit on my meme
|
I recently made a meme that blew up on reddit. My friend showed it to me today posted by an Instagram meme account. I obviously got mad as no credit was given. I dmed this meme accounts owner and as a joke which I am pretty sure it was obv I said I'll contact Instagram and I'll take legal actions against you. I asked for some sort of credit for the meme he agreed and posted it on their Instagram story which has now caused me to get a lot of hate in to my Instagram dms. They also posted dms from other people defending my point of view. I heard they got harassed as well. I feel like an asshole for causing this harassment towards these people and idk if he believed actually that I'll take legal actions.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
i5KybwIrPytfkneXyUfg7GlFc8XGOyg5
|
aur5n8
|
{
"description": "letting a company know one of their employees is scamming people and using them as safe-bait",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I let a company know one of their employees is scamming people and using them as safe-bait.
|
**This is long but TLDR a guy tried to scam me and used the company he works at to make himself sound more legit, WIBTA if I let them know.**
I posted a bunch of items on FB marketplace and some guy offered to buy them all from me about a week after the post went up. Initially I was weirded out but I figured they're designer dresses and he may just be into resale. He says:
"I would like to buy the dresses on one condition: I would like to take you to a dinner at a high end restaurant all expenses payed by me"
I say :
"I'm not an escort do you want the dresses or not. I'm assuming not"
He goes on some tangent about how he only has good intentions and just wanted to do this because he's at an elevated income level. Whatever, man.
Just before I block him he replies that he still wants the dresses because they're for a charity auction. I don't believe this but whatever, I don't give a fuck. So we arrange a time and place. I say to meet at a subway station near my boyfriend's apartment, he says cool the station is near his work. He gives me the address of said work and his phone number and says "call me when you're near I will buy the dresses and can give you a tour of the office". No thanks buddy lmao. So in the days leading up to this and the morning of I confirm 3 SEPARATE TIMES. I lug this heavy ass bag with over 10 dresses to the station, boyfriend in tow because I'm not an idiot and I'm not gonna meet this guy who expressed sexual interest in me alone.
I get to the station and call him and it goes straight to voicemail. I-messages send as texts, he leaves the messenger conversation and either blocks me or deletes his facebook.
IDK if he ever even intended to buy the clothes, but to be honest the whole "give you a tour of the office" thing in combo with the dinner request creeped me out and the backing out (probably) because he saw my boyfriend thing makes me think he had nefarious intentions.
Now comes the decision to be made - I found his Linkedin where he posted what company he works for - address matches to the one he gave me. Would I be an asshole if I sent an email to the HR of his company letting them know he is using facebook marketplace clothing ads to scope out young women and offering to buy their clothes in exchange for dinners and offering to give them office tours to try to make himself seem more safe?
Half of me is doing this because I'm petty and mad that I had to carry around this fucking bag all day but the other half is genuinely concerned that he is a predator trying to take advantage of women and using his company to lull them into a false sense of security.
lemme know pls :)
PS I've pre-emptively blocked him on Linkedin so he can't retaliate but I get that I'm not bulletproof here
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
wD2pVyUeYNHW4kCBq2vDpIeFBuVcqhOj
|
ari7d5
|
{
"description": "using the accessible bathroom",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for using the accessible bathroom?
|
I work in a big centre full of restaurants, all of which share the same same set of bathrooms, like you would find in a shopping centre or mall. The toilets are in a long hallway in the corner of the building, with the accessible cubicle closest to the entrance, followed by a parent's room, the ladies room, and finally the gents. It's worth noting I'm a fully abled male.
My job is in hospitality, so a bathroom break usually has to be pretty brief, and wiping urine off the seats in the men's bathroom gets old pretty quickly, so I like to use the accessible bathroom.
A couple of days ago I was doing my business and as I'm getting ready to wipe, I hear someone try the door. Knowing it's potentially someone who needs the accessibility, I get my hustle on and leave no more than thirty seconds after they tried to get in.
As I was leaving, I saw what I figured to be an elderly mother and her middle aged daughter. The daughter kind of scoffed and asked me in an entirely unfriendly tone: "Where's your disability?"
I was caught off guard a little and just said "Thank you!" and walked away.
AITA for using the accessible bathroom?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
2X3lJo41qjvgGKIsaaABsjeqwvRBK5Y1
|
9xcxs5
|
{
"description": "hating my brothers girlfriend for contacting our lost family",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for hating my brothers girlfriend for contacting our lost family?
|
Long story short, my father's side of the family has always been a mystery to my brother and I.. We haven't really tried looking too hard into things because our father was kind of an alcoholic rolling stone.
My brother and this girl have been dating for about 3 and a half years.. One day she gets a wild idea to go track some of our father's family down and ask a lot of questions. (Via social media. Which is quite a task because we have a very common last name)
Now I have found out how my father died and where and neither of us asked her to do this or showed any interest.
I used to like her a lot but I feel like this crossed a line and I feel a lot of hatred towards her for it. I can't tell if I'm just being overly sensitive or if I'm justified.
TL;Dr- my brothers girlfriend found some lost family members, found out how our father died without us asking her to, now I hate her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
UVACl9Fjfd2SVw3HhqTjbMmFPIAYlBA4
|
aj47lt
|
{
"description": "being upset with my mom about taking me on a cruise when I have class/work",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being upset with my mom about taking me on a cruise when I have class/work?
|
My family goes on a cruise every year, and it’s usually filled with alcohol induced drama. When my mom invited me to go a few months ago I told her I may not want to go because of the semester I had planned. She surprised me with the trip for Christmas, and I had to scramble to request time off from work. When she gave them to me she said “let me know if you don’t want to go, I’ll have someone else take your place.” Knowing my mother I knew if i did this she’d be pissed.
Money is also very tight, and it has been since my father passed away. I live at home with her and I work full time to support myself and help her with some bills. I don’t appreciate knowing that I help support my mom so she can afford to plan expensive vacations.
I’m in my senior year in university with a heavy load of classes in order to graduate (a whole year early with a double major!) I’m already planning on buying some sort of internet package for the ship so I can work on assignments. I already see her getting upset about it when she sees me doing that. This semester has been kicking my ass and I’m not even a month in, I feel like its a very uncomfortable situation for me to be in and I wonder if I should have just dealt with her being upset if I couldn’t go. By the time I received the syllabi and workload from my classes it was too late to back out.
AITA for being upset with her, or for not telling her I wanted to go ahead of time?
I love my mom and I wish I could spend more time with her. Since I’m still living at home with her and I hate creating unnecessary drama between us, but sometimes she doesn’t understand how overwhelmed I am.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
GRCuQzXQcFoXK6TvF1oCsfMO5lfD8Dtu
|
9x431u
|
{
"description": "not letting my mother see my son more",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not letting my mother see my son more?
|
So my wife and I have been struggling with some behavior/sleep issues with our 4yo. My mother lives about 2 hours away and wants to do sleep overs with him. Problem is every time she has an opportunity she undermimes our parenting by not following his/our bed time schedule. She is completely dismissive of us and our concerns. So I told her she couldn't have him for two nights in December and she's really mad at me. Also when she doesnt like an answer I give her she asks my wife the same question.
Now my mother and I have had a fairly strained relationship for a number of years. Simply put she is my mother and I love her but she pisses me off pretty well every time I see her. She really misses me and my son( I don't think she has really ever liked my wife) and she says she wants to repair the rift but I have a lot going on in my life and its just not a priority.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
4vJTOsIdluw8JFEeFAtiMLUZpzTmkyrz
|
al64ms
|
{
"description": "arguing with my fiance to seek help from a professor about her internship",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for arguing with my fiance to seek help from a professor about her internship?
|
For background:
My fiance and I are both currently in our student teaching semester of our Education degree. My fiance has been placed to intern with a K-4 Elementary Music teacher.
Her internship teacher has been very forward about the fact that he wanted an intern so that he wouldn't have to do his job. He immediately began giving her tasks such as being in charge of videoing the students for announcements, teaching full grades, spontaneously letting her know it's her turn to teach (all in the first week), having her fulfill duties regarding his non-academic YouTube channel. He went as far as to say "You're paying me for you to teach my class."
Some of it is good experience, if my fiance was ready for it. She has come home almost every day, beaten and mentally exhausted. Today, in week 3, she came home and informed me that her teacher told her "I don't think I'm getting my return on investment with you." She is a very nonconfrontational person so she held it in until she got home.
When I got home, she told me the story and that she almost went in to change her degree. My response was "Email Professor [in charge]". My fiance believes that it will be a waste of time and that she is going to be told to just change her major. After a bit of back and forth about her emailing a few of our professors for help, she finally blew up on me for pushing her to do something when she just wanted to vent.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Kmk1VR4XbSFBcyIUwsL6Wq1bdTZIBMcq
|
asavx3
|
{
"description": "making fun of someone's micropenis",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for making fun of someone's micropenis?
|
1st on mobile so sorry for the format and I am not trying to be a karma whore I swear
So this happened a day ago, and I was playing with some of my friends from around the world and we don't know each other personally.
One of my friends said he wanted to share something that had happened to him at his work.
Apparently he was sitting down enjoying his break and some guy, presumably a co-worker, of Asian descent walked up to him and just started to talk "So yeah, I have a 1 inch penis, it's like that medical problem"
My friend kinda off-put and says "Ok man...good for you"
He then says that not to perpetuate the stereotype of all asians but he has never heard a woman 'get destroyed by an asian guy'
I jump in and say that " Man, I love asian guys, because someone's gotta bring down the average, they are just taking one for the team"
We laughed for like 30 seconds hysterically and calm down and they tell me I am an asshole for making that joke.
But am I an asshole for making fun of someone's micropenis?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
XV4jXmI5EjxTSnQ1osKnb3TFZNPFHEvv
|
b47k4y
|
{
"description": "being unsupportive of my best friend's pregnancy",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for being unsupportive of my best friend's pregnancy?
|
My friend had 3 positive dollar store pregnancy tests and was on birth control. If it's true, she's only 4-5 weeks along. She has one child already and is really struggling financially. I have bought her groceries on multiple occasions and pay for her to eat every time we go out.
She took the tests because she believed her abusive boyfriend and his buddy tampered with her birth control. I believe this to be true. She was very upset when she found out, but as soon as she told the boyfriend, she became excited. She did not want another child yet until she found out she was going to have one and he brainwashed her into thinking this was what she wants. She refuses to terminate or give the baby up even though she can barely afford to care for the child she has. She wants to give her boyfriend another child like he wants.
I have mixed emotions about all of this, but I ultimately am disappointed in her and I'm annoyed that she is not living her life for herself. Nothing she does is for her own happiness, it's all for her boyfriend. She could have a great job with her degree, but because her boyfriend wants her to work at \[insert big department store here\] with him, she won't look for another job. He wants her there so she doesn't make much money and so that they are eligible for government assistance. He will not get a better job to support her either.
I have not expressed my feelings to her and I don't know that I would tell her I feel this way unless I was certain that I'd be okay with never speaking to her again. It's bothering me because she's not acting like herself. I am tempted to end the friendship. I feel guilty for being so annoyed, but I want her to be better. Am I an asshole for feeling this way?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
f1wYAlKyMhgT8dwUySRml55UVnZ2YVKT
|
amietk
|
{
"description": "telling my roommate to back off",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for telling my roommate to back off?
|
This is on mobile so sorry for formatting.
I'm a junior at my university and I live with a roommate in an apartment provided by our school just across the street. We have lived together since August. We don't talk much at all but so far we've gotten along just fine with no issues that I'm aware of (i.e. If he asks me to do something I'll generally do it within a reasonable time frame and vice versa).
I have depression and this past week has been difficult as some of my classes have been busy. Consequently I've been zapped of energy and have had a hard time keeping up with life.
Earlier this week my roommate asked me to take out the recycling later and I said not a problem and I'd do it. However I never did it, either because I was busy doing school stuff or I procrastinated on it. Last night he posted a sticky note on my door asking again if I could take out the recycling and also the trash later. I noticed this rather late and told myself I'd do it in the morning since I don't have school on Saturday.
I slept in quite a bit (another consequence of depression), and woke up to my roommate at around ten to eleven knocking on my door. I was still in my underwear, dazed, and overall not in a mood to answer the door. I'd figure after a couple of knocks he'd back off and assume I wasn't home and would leave a note or something.
He was relentless and knocked (I counted) around 33 times in the span of a few minutes. Each knock was louder and more forceful than the last one; this almost frightened me and if anything lowered the chances of me answering. By the last few knocks he was basically slamming on the door.
He brought his girlfriend over, since she lives nearby and she helps him write a note which they slipped under my door (I'm still in bed, frightened to do anything at this point). The note said that if I don't carry my own weight he'd contact the housing department. They also took the trash and set it outside the door to my room so that when I'd open the door it'd be right there.
After they left, I did what I should have done a long time ago and took out the trash. On my way out I noticed that on that same sticky note from last night he scribbled out "later" and put in "today".
When I got back, I sat at my desk and wrote a note back to him. I told him I admitted fault for being a bad roommate and that I'd start contributing more. However the knocking resonated in my head and got the better of me. I also wrote firmly that the knocking was rude and disrespectful as it awoke me and probably other units in the complex due to how loud it might have been and how persistent it was. I wrote that if I don't answer after a few knocks he should let it go and that he should leave a note, email, or a text. I finished the note by saying if it happened again I'd be contacting the housing coordinator, stating that what he did felt like harassment.
As a P. S., I left him my schedule and wrote that I'd be willing to chat with him if we were both home.
I taped the note on his door (during this entire time he was out of the house) and at the time of writing this he has not come back.
So I admit that I was not taking care of the chores as I should and that can be considered assholeish and I own up to it. But am I an asshole for my response to what happened this morning?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
gpJvdSsGFT90x20oC54ZFbBporrDPjEx
|
a2gry0
|
{
"description": "telling my friend that she shouldn't be naked in front of the kids she's babysitting",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my friend that she shouldn’t be naked in front of the kids she’s babysitting?
|
One of my good friends is a part time babysitter and she had to look after some kids over the weekend. Yesterday as I was driving home I did a quick stop at their place (I needed to give her something). The family is very wealthy so they have maids and w/e. I knocked on the door and the housekeeper opened who told me that my friend was upstairs in room X.
So I went upstairs and walked into that room. My friend was there with the kids. She was brushing her hair in front of the vanity mirror and I immediately noticed that she was practically naked. She was wearing tiny booty shorts and nothing else. Not a shirt, not even a bra. I was like woah wtf and subtly asked why she’s naked in front of the kids. The boys she’s babysitting are 7, 10 and 12. It’s not like she’s looking after a newborn who doesn’t even understand the concept of nudity. She looked at me like I’m crazy and said that they’re just kids, they don’t sexualize bodies etc. Then she said that I’m a creep for even suggesting that it’s wrong. She kept saying that they don’t even pay attention which was ridiculous because all 3 of them were clearly paying attention.
We kinda started arguing and I told her that it’s not appropriate for someone our age (we’re both 20 yo college students) to do that in front of minors. I just find it so creepy and predatory. I asked what she would do if the parents walked into this situation. She shrugged and said that it wouldn’t be a big deal at all. I asked if she does this frequently and she said yes, sometimes she tries out new clothes she bought or when she comes out the shower.
While we were talking she proceeded to take off her shorts and underwear too. Like she was fully naked.
I felt **really** uncomfortable and told the kids to watch TV in the living room. They weren’t listening to me and my friend was very offended, she was like “it’s really not that deep, can you stop being weird now”. I was very annoyed and left after that. How am I the weirdo??
Now I’m just utterly confused. I know in some cultures nudity is not that big of a deal but I don’t think that’s relevant here. Was it wrong of me to call her out?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
ywYIStRhzVUWE4l7nCwt54FKgrXxxJO9
|
afn7d1
|
{
"description": "not cheering my friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not cheering my friend?
|
I know the title sounds bad but read my post please
p.s.- sorry for grammer or spelling mistakes, english isnt my first language.
​
So i will start by saying that my friend is a kind of girl who says that she will fail a test and then gets a high grade in the same test.
Every time there is some sort of test in any subject she well text me saying that she will fail following by crying emoji's and sometimes she will send a voice message where she is sobbing while she says something about how she wil fail the test (it happens rarely).
At first i was cheering her up by saying stuff like "everything will be okay" or "dont worry you will succeed" and stuff like that, but later it start to anoy me a little so i told her that if she can stop talking to me about it but she replied with "sorry I can't, it is just my scar in me". after that i was trying cheering her up but showing her how great she did in other tests but she will respond with "it is a diffrent then the previous test", "this test I for sure will fail" etc...
One time when she start to do all of this "i will fail the test" thing I decided to not talk to her for this day because i dont want to break my head over trying help her feel better and stuff so i just ignored her messages only to find out the next day that she send me text like what an asshole i was for no trying to cheer her up or how i was very mean person for agnoring her, and now she is mad at me and dont want to talk to me beacause of that.
is it really is an asshole move or not plz tell.
also i want to mentain that all of her grades are A or A+ and only rarely B+.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "yelling at my mum on the street",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for yelling at my mum on the street?
|
Some background, I'm 23 and I've been in Park City for the past 3 months, really cold and stuff. I've come to NY for a family vacation where it's significantly less cold.
We came out of the hotel with my dad, mum and brothers, I had a thermal shirt, a regular shirt and a light jacket. She went on and on in the span of 2 minutes like 5 times about how underprepared I was for the weather and that I should change until I finally snapped and said something along the lines of "Mum, stop, I'm not cold, please leave me alone, I've said it several times already!" And she got offended, so am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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b7e722
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{
"description": "calling the city in to enforce code on my neighbor? without talking to them first",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I call the city in to enforce code on my neighbor? Without talking to them first?
|
I moved into a house in a rural, small-but-growing city two years ago. The back yard of our house abutted a lot in the center of the block where the owners kept some junk cars and stuff. It's a rural area, so whatever, that's how people roll here. Over the past two years, the way they've been using their property has gotten more obnoxious. The number of junk cars has multiplied, including wrecked demolition derby cars. The owner lets any of his friends with junk vehicles leave them there. A while back, an old full-size excavator showed up. They tend to make a good bit of noise with engines in the evenings, which I find inconsiderate but isn't illegal before 10pm.
My main annoyance is that we have a lovely view of the mountains out our back window from our main living space, but with a predominant foreground of our neighbor's amateur junkyard. Every time I sit down at our dining table, I see this growing tumor of decrepit junk in the middle of the city. We're going to be selling our house in a few months, and I am sure anyone looking at it will see the lot of junk ~75ft behind the house as a negative. So while I don't have to live with it long term, I do expect it will have a financial impact on us by affecting how buyers see our property.
On a whim, I searched my city's land use ordinance, and was surprised to see that keeping junk vehicles is illegal in the city. It's pretty cut and dried that what they're doing is forbidden, it just hasn't been enforced. I'm now thinking of taking action. Either talking with them, and/or asking the city to enforce the ordinance. The junk-loving neighbors won't like this; the junk-loving kind of lifestyle has been the norm here for ages. However, the city's growth and gentrification is showing in our area, with new homes being built and more people moving in that aren't down with the truck-nuts aesthetic and lifestyle.
I am a bit loathe to go over there and make my request before going to the city. These neighbors haven't exactly been conscientious about their impact on others in the past: they left their dog out in 0F weather, barking all night (waking us and our toddler every night- that was a fun week), for many days- we did eventually get animal control involved after they didn't answer the door multiple days in a row.
Since my request now would be for a radical change of lifestyle, I doubt it'll be productive- I'd essentially be saying "Hey, would you undertake a huge project of finding another place out of city limits to keep the few dozen vehicles and machines you've been accumulating for years?" I really doubt they're going to do anything unless forced to, and honestly I'd rather let the city deal with it and not let the neighbors know that I'm the one raining on their parade.
That said, I know it's good manners to approach people directly and give them a chance to work the issue out before taking things to the authorities. Is going straight to the city without trying them first a jerk move?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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{
"description": "kneeing an autistic kid in school",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for kneeing an autistic kid in school?
|
read before downvoting.
This was quite some years ago in 6th grade and this situation still bothers me.
Basically I was friends with an kid that had autism. I don't remember what kind of autism he had, he just couldn't register stuff right and he kind of had a lack of respect and no boundary for what he said. But I put that aside because it's not his fault he doesn't know when or when not to say stuff.
One day I was taking a piss in the stall (I am a male) and not a urinal, because I was scared of using a urinal. I heard footsteps and didn't think of it, because it's a bathroom. I finished peeing and zipped up my fly, when I see a freaking head peeking out from under one of the walls (they were low, but not that low). I freaked out and let out a scream, not loud though. I did what my reaction told me to, and knee him in the face. It didn't break anything, but it obviously hurt him as he started crying and ran out. Note that I didn't know it was him before I kneed him, I just knew "hey someone crawled into my stall".
We shared the same class for that period so I ran back to the class and he was outside with his aid. She was upset, which I can't blame given the situation. Turns out all he told his aid was something along the lines of "(my name) kneed me in the face!". However she was very understanding, and I had to explain to her that he crawled under my stall door on all fours and peeked at me. Nothing in terms of punishment happened, because she was very understanding and she thought that what I did was terrible, but given the fact that he crawled under my stall she accepted it. I apologized to him and he was indifferent about it. He didn't seem to hold a grudge on me though, it seemed like he forgot it or something. I later told his parents because I was friends with them, and they understood that things like that could happen, so nothing bad happened to me after that.
what do y'all think? was I in the wrong here, or was my action justified based on the situation?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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aplbeh
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{
"description": "breaking up with a Guy who depends on me",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Breaking up With a Guy Who Depends on Me
|
Long story short, I've been in a relationship with a guy for about three years. We're engaged, but, as we keep going along, I feel myself loathing the idea of spending the rest of my life with him. There are several reasons why I don't like the relationship - he can be a bit bipolar, he can be hypocritical, he's condescending - but I know I'm not perfect, and in the end I think it just boils down to the simple fact that I (probably) don't love him anymore and I don't want to continue the relationship.
The problem is he's highly dependent upon me financially. I'm the only one who's making money. I pay the rent. I pay for the food. I even own the car he drives. If we break up, he'll be jobless, he'll have to quit school, and he'll either not have a car or he'll have a car he can't afford.
I feel like an asshole for leading him along into this situation and then not wanting to see him and the relationship through it. Am I?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "not wanting my mom to bring her dog to my house",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my mom to bring her dog to my house
|
For a bit of context: My wife and I adopted a small dog (~10lbs). When we first went to visit my mom and family I brought the dog to stay with us, which my mom was okay with (at least, she didn't offer any protest about the situation). The dog has come with us (almost) every time we have visited mom without any protest from her.
My mom has a dog of her own, much larger then my dog (20+ lbs) but otherwise no other pets. She also does not take very good care of her home, in my opinion. The house is often not just messy, but also *very* dirty.
This year my mom came to visit us at our home for Thanksgiving. She asked if she could bring the dog and I declined because:
1. Based on my experience the dog is somewhat house trained, but not very well. I also cannot expect my mother to do well to clean up if the dog had an accident because also in my experience she does a poor job taking care of her own home.
2. There were going to be a lot of people in the house and her dog is very playful. Another animal in the home would be a nuisance.
3. We have two cats that live with us that would be anxious over having a large, unknown dog in the house.
I didn't explain these reasons, but my mom accepted I wasn't comfortable with the dog coming at Thanksgiving without much questioning.
Now my mom is getting ready to come next week for Christmas and she just texting me asserting that she would be bringing her dog. Not asking, asserting. She did mention she would bring the dogs kennel, which will help mitigate some of the concerns I have to a small degree, but my cats will still be anxious, and the dog will still be rambunctious and potentially messy. Thankfully there will be much less people in the house.
I am very uncomfortable and don't know what to say to my mother but AITA for having this double standard that I should be allowed to bring my dog to my moms house but my mom should not be allowed to bring her dog to mine?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b678ly
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{
"description": "not taking my ex back",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not taking my ex back?
|
Our relationship was very one sided and she started flirting with another guy while we were still together. She texted me yesterday asking for a second chance and that she’d change (I already talked to her about the whole thing before and she didn’t change) and my response was a “I don’t want to put myself through that again” and she called me selfish and cold and I was told she cried for a while through a mutual friend
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "not wanting to have a wedding because of my fiancée's family",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to have a wedding because of my fiancée's family?
|
Forgive me if this sounds like a typical elopement story.
I recently got engaged to the love of my life. Everything between us couldn't be better and we're best friends. We have no problem being open and honest with each other and talk regularly about what bothers us in the world.
The relationship I have with her family is a bit more rocky I'm afraid. She has quite a large family that all live in the same city and strive for the 'perfect family' appearance, at least on the outside. My relationship with her siblings, parents, step-parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins ranges from the utmost respect and friendship to not being able to stand being on the same city block due to some personal events that would compromise the anonymity of the story.
I wish it were mostly the former and not the latter, or even that it were 50/50, but it is not.
This takes me to my main objection to having a wedding at all. There are a few people that both my fiancée and I agree we never, ever want to be allowed at our wedding, but seeing as the family has such an adamant policy on "sticking together" (even though most of the family absolutely hate each other and constantly say awful things about whoever isn't in the room) there is no way we can exclude anyone without having the collective wrath of the family brought down upon us.
The biggest problems that I have with this fake image of perfection is that there is so much dirt in their laundry that you could use it as compost in the garden, and I am also routinely reminded that I'm not a 'real' part of the family and that my problems are my own without any hope of support or inclusion from them.
We've talked about it at length, and my fiancée feels the same as I do, albeit to a lesser degree about her family (something about you don't have to like your family but sometimes you can't help but love them anyways). She has said she is happy to swing by the town hall or to elope somewhere, but I can see in her eyes how much it would really mean to have a small wedding.
Still, I feel like a selfish asshole to want our wedding to be about us and I feel like we'd be letting many of our close friends and family members down to exclude everyone for the sake of minimizing our exposure to a few toxic people. It's also not easy for us to confront her family about how we feel since we both currently live in a different country from our families and are fairly non-confrontational people with a decent amount of social anxiety to boot.
So Reddit, am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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af7c2h
|
{
"description": "eating chocolate in front on my healthy eating colleagues",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AiTA for eating chocolate in front on my healthy eating colleagues
|
They are both complaining about me eating chocolate in front of them as it de motivates them front continuing there recent healthy eating binge. I however feel it is unfair that I should have to leave the communion area to eat my snack.
THe argument is that I have to leave the room to get the snack Anyway.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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9wq5zu
|
{
"description": "not liking when people post the same image on separate subreddits",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For not liking when people post the same image on separate subreddits
|
I follow multiple "meme" subreddits such as r/dankmeme r/memes r/deepfriedmemes etc. and sometimes I see the same person posting the same meme or picture. I usually call them out and usually greeted with the same excuse: that they are trying to get more people to see it. I can kind of see them wanting to get more exposure on their post, but am I wrong for thinking people shouldn't do it? It's honestly annoying seeing two or three of the same posts in my home page. Am I the asshole?
(I'm sorry for my bad English and grammar, English isn't my first language)
(I also haven't been on Reddit in about a year so this may or may not still be a problem)
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
mqlG8rSCoggERkyIHmHlWvb1yFxp4UIo
|
ar09a0
|
{
"description": "being annoyed with wife who was on Instagram after a heartfelt and expensive valentines",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA because I am annoyed with wife who was on Instagram after a heartfelt and expensive valentines.
|
I did the valentines thing, roses, chocolates, a long heartfelt card, and expensive dinner. After we got home from valentines dinner I laid my head on her lap while she began eating the chocolates I had bought for her. My wife knows I hate fighting for attention against Instagram, she’s usually snaps at me for calling her out as she always claims she is doing something legitimate on her phone. So when she got her phone out and used it directly over my face I gave her the benefit of the doubt. After 5 minutes, she showed me a picture of some random celebrities kid, and I told her I would just let her do her thing and I would do my thing. She asked what was wrong and I told her I would have liked to spend the night doing something together, and she told me to just drop it and to not be dramatic. We went to bed without talking much more. This morning I told her this weekend I would put as much energy into doing things together as she did, instead of me always suggesting things to do. She really did not like that and played the victim card as if I were way too dramatic.
For total honesty she is both sick with a cold and pregnant.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
ba9as4
|
{
"description": "disagreeing with my mother's \"discipline\"",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for disagreeing with my mother’s “discipline”?
|
I have 6 siblings, their ages are 23, 19, 15, 13, 9 and 6. My mother has at one point in time spanked us. However, these spanks consist of using a cooking spoon (sometimes even a belt or brush). She will spank us multiple times, all while we scream out in pain and beg her to stop.
What do we do as children to get these?
Nothing. For example, my brother once walked away from my mother when she wouldn’t let him play video games. He got spanked 7 times with a black cooking spoon and she told him he had to stay in bed for a week.
I’ve stood up to her *multiple* times, saying it’s physical abuse, but she says it’s merely discipline and that I don’t know what I’m talking about. She says I’m disrespecting her by saying she could be wrong somehow.
Is it a spanking or is it way more?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
axy05t
|
{
"description": "consentually \"copying\" homework and getting graded for it",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for consentually "copying" homework and getting graded for it?
|
When I was still in school, I was getting really good grades without doing much for it. I barely studied for it and forgot my homework all the time. One day during break, a girl in my friend group, Laura, started talking about our native language class homework and I realised that I had forgotten to do it again. I asked if she was okay with me copying it. We did this all the time, letting friends copy homework and tests. Laura said sure I could copy it, as long as I changed some things up.
​
​
During the next unrelated subject, I started reading what she had written. I hated it. It was supposed to be an analysis of a text we had talked about, but it read more like an overview, so I actually didn't really use it. I got out the source text and actually did an analysis that went more in-depth, complete with quotes (Laura didn't have any), writing three times as much as Laura had. Next lesson was the native language subject. Now our teacher wanted to talk about the homework by having one student read our their work out loud, and dissecting it sentence by sentence, having the whole class have a discussion about it. He picked me to read what I had written, and I did. In the end, he said that my analysis was spot on so I joked that he should give me a good grade for it then (teachers here can sometimes grade a student on quality contributions to a lesson). He said "why not, actually".
​
​
I was feeling good until my friend next to me whispered "Laura isn't happy about this". Laura looked shocked and angry. So after the lesson I walked over to Laura and said "Hey, I hope everything's okay between us." and she said "no, you stole my grade." I explained to her that I had planned on only copying her homework, but through reading what she had written I remembered what it was about and wrote my own analysis. I said when I read it out loud she must have noticed that it was pretty different than what she had written. Of course though, there were some similarities because we wrote about the same source text, but we shared these similarities with probably every other student. She was so angry still and apparently started bitching about me the entire day and the next.
​
​
In order to reinstall the peace between us, the next day I asked her what I should do and she said I should talk to the teacher and make him give her this grade. She apparently had done pretty awful in the last tests so she hoped she could improve her final grade. I actually went to the teacher to talk to him about it. I can't believe I did it in hindsight, because it's like I acknowledged I did something wrong. He was pretty confused about what I wanted from him, and he told me that Laura never contributed to the lessons, and I did almost every time, so she didn't deserve it, and that was the end to it. I told Laura what he had said, but she went on to hate me and bitch about me until we graduaded.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b40cyq
|
{
"description": "not being attracted to Dark Women",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For Not Being Attracted to Dark Women?
|
I'm M22 and this girl in one of my classes asked me out the other day (I know extremely surprising), but I turned her down. Basically because I'm not into dark skin girls even though I'm a POC myself but fair skinned. Not saying there's anything better about fair skin girls or people but I'm just attracted to them more. I met up with one of my friends last night for a drink and we were talking about our lives and stuff and she asks me if I'm seeing any girls I say nah but one girl asked me out but I turned her down. She asks why and I tell her and she got super pissed and started saying I'm racist and a huge asshole. Thought she was gonna toss her drink at me lol.
AITA For this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
8YsrRIgEjkCNXr9IYZ19wefHF0NUDMuq
|
a1wq3e
|
{
"description": "not believing in love",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not believing in love?
|
I’m not saying people don’t love each other, I know many people that are in love but mostly couples who are over 25. And of course I love my friends and family, but I’m not sure if I believe in romantic love.. at least for myself.
I’m a 19F, I’ve been in one extremely brief relationship with a friend that ended cause of his issues, and then I lost all my friends. I think technically I’m feeling what people would name as “heartbreak”...but even to me, who is crying like every day over things related to my pitiful love life, I’m taking it pretty well. I mean I usually cry every day over something anyways.
I don’t think I was in love with this boy either. I’m not sure what being in love feels like. I loved him like I love all my other friends, I liked his company, I wanted the best for him even if that meant being with someone else, I sacrificed my own feelings so he would be comfortable. But idk if that is love.
I’m kind of scared of being in love now, I don’t know if I believe it’s real for me. Or at the very least I don’t know if I’ll be able to recognize if I’m in it. The thing is that I want a relationship. I like the companionship of another person, having someone to talk to. I like it when another person feels about me how I do about them. I like physical contact. But I don’t want to be in love. I would be fine never saying “I love you”. In fact, I might prefer it. I think people my age use those words so loosely and idk. It never seems genuine.
AITA for wanting a relationship but not wanting to be in love?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a6nj7e
|
{
"description": "telling my best friend to distance herself from her other \"best friend?\"",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my best friend to distance herself from her other “best friend?”
|
I’ll refer to my best friend as “M” and her other best friend as “V”.
M and I are extremely close. She’s always there for me when I’m struggling as I’m always there for her. M and I are really similar in personality, we’re both extremely empathetic and selfless because we had similar childhoods where we had to take on a lot of responsibilities at a young age. I really appreciate M and she’s probably the only person in my life I’d consider a real good friend who’d probably still be with me when we’re old grandmas.
There’s been this problem bugging M for about a year now, and it’s gotten to a point where it started affecting me as well. Her other “best friend” V, makes everything really complicated. I don’t even know where to begin because there’s just so much going on with her. For one, V just seems like she uses M. Like if her other friends are not there and she’s all alone, she’ll come running to M acting like they’re besties. She treats M like a substitute and it pisses me off. And it’s not just me noticing this or making an assumption that she is using her as a replacement to not look like a loner, but M feels this way as well. She confided in me multiple times telling me how V makes her uncomfortable and how she feels that she’s only using her.
Second of all, what really annoys me, is that V seems to lack basic consideration for other people. V recently moved, so she had to transfer to another school. We’re seniors in high school, so it was our last homecoming and M and I were planning on making the most out of it with just us two going out to eat together and enjoying the time. Our school has guest forms to invite students from other schools to our homecoming, and V asked M at the last minute to guest her and eat dinner with her, even though she knew that M and I already had plans together. It was kind of infuriating because they had literally gone to every dance together in the past years and she can’t even let me spend one dance with M?
You’re probably wondering why we can’t just go all together, but it’s really awkward and uncomfortable. I don’t really know how to explain it, but I keep getting these vibes off of V like she’s jealous of how close M and I have been getting because whenever I’m with M, she’ll start acting overly clingy to M and keeps calling her “my number one best friend” while glancing back at me.
V also had a pretty fucked up childhood because her dad sexually abused her, and I feel really terrible about that. She struggles with depression and had bad problems with cutting . So when V asks to hang out, M always feels like she can’t say no because she doesn’t want to hurt V’s feelings. I’m also afraid of hurting V’s feelings so I have never said anything of what I feel towards her. I’ve always been really nice to her but I feel bad that I’m being fake in that way when I truly don’t like her at all.
These days M has been really stressed out not knowing how to deal with V because their friendship is honestly just super toxic. V calls her best friend, but she really doesn’t treat her like one at all. M has been asking me for advice on what to do, and I told her to just start distancing herself from V. But I know that’s gonna be really hard because we’re both scared of hurting V since she’s so sensitive, and we don’t want to make her fall into an even deeper depression. She may not be the best person, but we still care about her. She’s gone through a lot worse things than M and I could ever imagine. But I don’t want M being friends with her just out of pity. AITA for telling her to distance herself from V?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ar2f6b
|
{
"description": "asking my wife to stop eating off my plate",
"pronormative_score": 181,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA For Asking My Wife To Stop Eating Off My Plate?
|
Let me explain myself before you offer judgement please.
This is driving me absolutely insane and turned into a fight for the first time last night. My wife does this thing where, when we go out to eat, she'll eat off my plate if we order different things. I'm very protective of my food (insert Friends reference here) and strongly dislike this. If I order pasta, she'll take her fork and literally eat off my plate as well as her own then say "oh you can eat off mine too!" I don't want to eat off hers, I want to eat off my own. That's why I ordered it.
To solve this, I've told her I'm alright with her having a bite or two to see if she likes what I ordered, and if she does I'll order it for her next time or send what she did order back and pay for her to get a plate of what I'm having. I've said I'd pay for anything on the menu when we go out. I've tried everything, but she simply cannot resist the urge to dig in to my scrumptious meal which means I go home half full.
She acts like it's playful and cute but it genuinely bugs me. I always end up going with half a meal and feel like I'm competing for my own food because she's taking her share which makes eating out an ordeal rather than a good time. Either that or she'll say she isn't hungry then eat mine. I've told her I wouldn't bat an eye if she devoured half a menu in front of me, I like to see her enjoy food, just not **my** food.
It's one thing to share chips, wings or communal food like that, but in my opinion if you order your own damn plate it should be yours. A bite is fine, treating each dish like a shared meal is not.
Yesterday she did it at dinner again. I had ordered something I was looking forward too, someone she had **tried** before, and I asked if she was 110% sure she didn't want me to order her some. Yes, she was sure. The food comes and sure enough, she starts taking bite after bite after bite of mine. "I'm just having a little!" she says. I ended up giving her the plate which pissed her off.
When we went home we ended up in a fight, with her saying I made her feel like a pig (when it was her eating my food, ironically enough) by giving her the plate and asking why I make it such a big deal, and me explaining what I've explained a million times before and telling her that if it's just the bonding she likes we can do it in other ways where I'd still get to have a full meal. Now she's pissed at me and says she doesn't want to go out to eat anymore.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 178,
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
9wd4ww
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{
"description": "ditching my transphobic friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ditching my transphobic friend?
|
I recently came out as a trans girl, and because I go to an all-boys school, it was a big gossip item for a few days. One of my friends was basically telling the class how it was justified to refer to me as 'it' and it would be my fault if I got offended. This made me mad. He eventually apologised after ranting about 'SJWs' suppressing free speech and agreed to refer to me properly, but he was clearly just doing it so the rest of the class didn't hate him. AITA for basically telling him to fuck off and leave me alone?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
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AAta6sy59mA3zYClHgLyatbUbuvQcknD
|
ajd3pv
|
{
"description": "breaking up",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AItA for breaking up?
|
I was in a relationship with this amazing girl. She was careing and genuinely nice. I was very happy to have here in my live. And she was rearly the first *real* love. But suddenly something changed with here. I tried to figure out what happened but she wouldn't tell my and all her friends told me she was akting normal around them. We couldn't meet often, cause she lives 500 kilometers far away. So every visit was something special. But the last two she was allwasy on her pfone. Even downloaded tinder "just to troll some guys". The thing is even being on her phone the whole time she never answered my messages. Sometimes for a day.
So when I was at her place last time I confronted her. She refused to talk about it and so I packed my stuff and left. This was about a month ago. My heart is still very heavy and when I lay in my empty bed only she comes to my mind.
I need someone to tell me that I was wrong or right. Please gusy...thanks in advance and don't hold back.
Sorry for the probability bad English. It's my third language.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
z9iFQqvgIjdP0ONP4CcxcK6tjsok6cVR
|
a4qh0w
|
{
"description": "calling animal control to come get a stray dog",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling animal control to come get a stray dog
|
Hi all! This evening I was driving home and saw a stray pit bull eating trash at the dumpster at my townhouse. I happened to have a slip lead dog leash in my car, so I figured I’d stop and see if I could get the dog. She was super friendly and came right over to me when I bent down.
I walked around the area for a bit to see if I could find an owner that was looking. I could not. The dog was in good shape and super sweet. I knew she had to have an owner, but she was not wearing a collar with tags to call anyone.
Due to having other animals and a 4 year old who is terrified of dogs, I was unable to bring her into my house. Obviously this would have been my first choice, but it was impossible in this scenario.
I called the local animal control. We live in a small town and the shelter system is not crowded/overrun. They’re really responsive and work hard to reunite animals/owners. They came and picked her up.
I posted a picture and some information to a local missing pet Facebook group. Within an hour or two a woman said she was hers. I let her know she was with the shelter and gave her the number to call. She also said the dog gets out frequently and that she is usually able to find her within a few hours.
This woman then FREAKED out on me for taking her dog to a shelter. She’ll have to pay a fine for the dog being out, but she’ll be able to get her tomorrow. She’s livid that her dog has to spend the night in a shelter, even though the alternative was her dog on the street or getting hit by a car.
I feel bad that this woman will not have her dog for the night, but I feel like priority number one was making sure the dog was okay.
So, am I really the asshole for making sure the dog was safe?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
smzfUNelLDhnyPLk1fnLunvMwfM6X5Oo
|
9xiga2
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go to a surprise engagement party 8 hours away",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go to a surprise engagement party 8 hours away?
|
So one of my GF’s good friends from work is going to get engaged to on New Year’s Eve. Her boyfriend sent an invite to my GF and some of the girl’s other friends asking them to try to be there when they get back from the hike where he’s going to pop the question. Thing is, the park is about an 8 hour drive, and we’d only be there for a night. This would also be right after traveling back from xmas and right before going back to work from the break.
She sent me the screen shot of the invite and asked if I wanted to go. I pretty much said that’s really far for one night and I don’t really know these people (I’ve met them 3-4 times...). What I didn’t mention to her is that the people we’d be driving with make me very uncomfortable (very religious... pretty much most of what they talk about... I’m not into it at all) and being in a car for 16 hours over 2 days sounds like hell.
Ever since I said that I don’t want to go she’s been starting small fights about how I don’t want to do things she wants to and how I’m not good at committing to things. Am I an asshole for not wanting to go this engagement party in the desert 8 hours away on New Years?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
2OqZ9qgcWvAAjeMKbsx48eHP9RMpLU8L
|
atbkxj
|
{
"description": "considering ending friendships for hiding something from me when I specifically asked otherwise",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for considering ending friendships for hiding something from me when I specifically asked otherwise?
|
Gonna skip several years of backstory and feelings and details because I want to keep this brief and vague for obvious reasons.
Long story short, I was badly harmed by a mutual friend of ours years ago and one of my best friends helped me through it and is intimately familiar with how much this attack almost spiraled my life. She is still close friends with him. That’s honestly fine, it hurts to think about sometimes but it’s okay.
She’s quite recently engaged and the wedding is soon. I asked for honesty as things moved forward regarding if he’d be invited and what was going on, I’d still be her friend but just wanted to know so I could decide if I wanted to see this man for myself. I was told not to worry about it, and nothing else.
However, I’ve just been informed by someone else that this man was invited, and it was implied by the person who told me that it was meant to be kept on the down low.
Regardless, I intend to still attend and do my part in the wedding party to be there to see two people I truly do care about get married and start their life together. I will be the perfect picture of politeness and grace at this thing, probably won’t have more than a glass of champagne. Regardless of who is there, I will deal and be okay and be supportive and happy, it’s their day and I’m so excited for them. But if this mess is true and despite knowing what he did to me and me asking to be informed, they invited him and didn’t tell me? After the festivities I am considering just cutting these people from my life without another word because the fact that this is even a possibility really feels like a knife to the heart after everything else. Would I be an asshole if I did this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
gSBIprBNTlO9a6lros5BCpwZppQhuKmx
|
b4vzm4
|
{
"description": "not jumping at my mum's every command just because she broke her elbow",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not jumping at my mum's every command just because she broke her elbow?
|
I do feel like this needs some context, sorry if it turns out longwinded!
My mum broke her elbow about 3 weeks ago and since then I've been doing everything for her. I even sleep in her bed, just in case something's up at night (I have gotten up in the middle of the night a lot, without ever complaining. Even though I already get a max. of 6h of sleep mon-fri). However, I'm an adult myself and have things to do as well. I'm very stressed about a ridiculous amount of college deadlines all ending in the same week, have had to recover from my 3rd burnout since last summer, have depression and anxiety (which have been pretty bad for the past 2 months) and am also on the autism spectrum (important in a minute). We don't have close friends or even family at all where we live, but my grandparents took a 7h car ride to be around to help.
Whenever she asks me for help, I jump. I do every tiny little thing for her. But I also have things to work on myself and can't just neglect college assignments just to help her with something like dusting off a shelf. She gets irrationally angry at me every time I don't help help her do something. If it's something I know she can't do, like get her medicine out of the containers (as well as opening any sort of container or bottle for that matter), or getting her an ice pack because of the pain, I do it immediately. But whenever I know that she can do the task herself and I'm working on something important, I refuse. And mind you, if I'm not busy, I usually help with that stuff as well.
Her most recent fit of rage was about me not wanting to help her wash her hair, because for one she can do it herself, that's a fact, and secondly it's sensory hell for me. This is where the autism part comes in: I don't particularly like touching other people much and am mildly phobic of germs and dirt (greasy hair is a nightmare). I have, however, helped with that at the beginning when I knew she couldn't do it herself. Now she can, though, and I don't have to trigger my usually non-existant gag reflex. I do help with putting care products in her hair, brushing her hair, everything but the actual washing part. She knows why and still gets angry at me.
Back when I had to get surgery on my ovaries and got out of hospital, but still was in immense pain, she didn't help me a single bit and even sent me to school (which I was still in back then) while barely being able to walk. Don't get me wrong, she's always been a good mum, but apparently didn't understand that back then. Now that she does understand the pain of post-surgery, I could have totally done the same, but didn't. I help out as much as I can, but sometimes the amount of help doesn't satisfy her wishes. Plus my grandparents are also present.
​
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
NHvnMbSp0WLl6TG2v4OGuedN6f4VQZG9
|
b4g0ho
|
{
"description": "telling my friend not to let her young sons around her abusive stepfather which triggered a public panic attack",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my friend not to let her young sons around her abusive stepfather which triggered a public panic attack?
|
Some background:
- This is referencing myself and 3 friends. We are all moms in our early to mid 30s with young children.
- One friend has previously shared with us her history of abuse, both sexual and verbal, from her stepfather, as well as the extent of enabling that took place with her mother. She has a very toxic family.
- This friend has two sons, 8 and 5yo.
Tonight the 4 of us went out for a mom’s night. At dinner, our friend shared the latest instance of verbal abuse coming from her stepfather. Somehow the conversation lead to us talking with her about the fact that she allows both her sons to visit her mom and stepfather without either parent there to supervise. We tried to lovingly convince her that this was completely unsafe.
I was more insistent than the others because I’ve carried some guilt over not speaking up sooner about it. I don’t completely recall everything I said, but I did tell her that she had normalized the situation and didn’t realize how dangerous it was, that she can’t trust her mother to protect her sons because she didn’t protect her, and that she won’t know that something bad has happened until it already has. I also said I wasn’t trying to judge her but to be a good friend. She was tearing up during the conversation but didn’t ask us to stop.
Right after I said the part about not knowing something bad has happened after it already has, she excused herself to the restroom. Fifteen minutes later we go to check on her and find out the following via text:
- She had immediately left the restaurant and started walking home, in the cold, with no coat. It’s a 25 min drive.
- She called her husband to come pick her up. He had to load up the kids at 10:30pm, past their bedtime. And they had to see their mom in the midst of a panic attack.
- She had a panic attack and was spotted crossing a bridge by a stranger who called the cops. 5 police officers waited with her until her husband arrived.
By the time we got the info from her, her husband had arrived, so we weren’t able to go check on her in person.
I’m wondering if I’m the asshole for being part of this conversation in such a public place, especially since it triggered such a traumatic response from her and lead to a very unpleasant evening for her and her family. Honestly the way it all played out was so surreal, none of us expected it, but I’m not sure that excuses us, and especially me because I was so insistant?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
alio3hvUZmdpoaB8iCEzzyHrzCIDYAw8
|
9zndzt
|
{
"description": "being ashamed of my boyfriend for being fat",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 49
}
|
AITA for being ashamed of my boyfriend for being fat.
|
We have been together for over a year. My boyfriend is the sweetest guy (at least to me) and he always prioritize his well-being ahead of mine. Always picking my preferred food places, bringing me to places I feel like going and always keeping me entertained.
I am in rather good shape and he's overweight. Personally, I am fine with his weight and the way he look, however, I try to avoid my friends seeing my boyfriend as I do not want to be judged. He is actually okay with the way he look but I have discussed this with him on several occasions and he starts to put in effort to lose weight by controlling his diet and exercising as and when he can. However, due to his busy schedule and habits, he is making slow or no progress.
When we get into an argument, I will occasionally turn this into an argument point and he is quite affected by it and will instantly apologize.
I love him and he is the nicest guy I have ever met. I am actually fine with how he look, just that I do not want my friends to see meet as I will feel ashamed. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 49,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 49
}
|
WRONG
|
nQAlrIZLYsv2HYOgS2xlmNPnhObLaDye
|
af4vdh
|
{
"description": "asking my mother to contact me less",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for asking my mother to contact me less
|
About a year and a half ago I moved nine hours away from my hometown for school. My mother, understandably, contacted me a lot to make sure I was alright and eating enough. In the beginning this that fine because I didn’t have any friends and contact with anybody was nice for me.
Of course as I settled into life I school I made friends and started to get busy. Now, a year and a half later, I have plenty of activities between school and friends and I find myself missing texts from everybody because I’m doing something else and not paying attention to my phone.
I was at a get together with my friends when the conflict started. She text me and I didn’t see it until about two am, at which point I felt it was useless to respond since it would be three am where she was and I didnt think she would see it. She knew I was hanging out with my friends that night playing video games and the like so I figured there wouldn’t be an issue with me not responding to her text of “what’s happening tonight?”
This isn’t how it went though. In the morning I woke up to a text stating that if I didn’t start replying to her text messages that she would have to phone the police.
Admittedly I think I overreacted her since I don’t believe she would actually do this but the rest of the conversation progressed with me saying that I was an adult now and didn’t always have time to respond, her saying I always had my phone on hand and it only took two seconds to respond, me saying I didn’t always have my phone on hand and sometimes I just forgot to respond, her saying that it was rude, and me telling her that if she felt like that then she didn’t have to contact me at all since I was on my own now and could take care of myself.
It didn’t go exactly like this and I could get screenshots of the exact conversation if anybody is interested, but this is the cliff notes version.
Tl:dr my mom made a hollow threat to call the cops if I didn’t respond to her text messages and I asked her to stop messaging me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
KB19J3Lu1B1XwCg4aRN2xO7mpGY9luAC
|
aryd4m
|
{
"description": "holding a coworker accountable",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for holding a coworker accountable?
|
I work in a public safety career, and as such I legally cannot leave my post until my relief comes in. The usual rule of thumb for people who work this job is "if you're not early, you are late". A few coworkers of mine were regularly showing up to work 5, 10 minutes late. I told my supervisor (didn't name any names, just gave a general note about the issues) and he sent out a memo to everyone reminding us to be on time.
Fast forward a month. I am 12 hours deep into my shift and 3 minutes before my relief is supposed to CLOCK IN, she calls into work saying she just got stuck in her driveway because of the snow. She lives about a mile away. She didn't show up to work until an HOUR later.
I felt really frustrated (what adult in the northeast doesn't know to leave earlier to adjust for bad weather) and sent another email to my supervisor, this time with an actual name of my coworker.
Now she is mad and even "unfriended me" on facebook to punish me or something?? This woman is old enough to be my mom, AITA for wanting her to be held accountable for her actions??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 9,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
kcnc6QINxubZBP6D5ZRyZQpevkZ00guI
|
aep1y7
|
{
"description": "still wanting to take a job halfway around the world",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for still wanting to take a job halfway around the world?
|
Not sure if this should be posted here or /r/relationships but here goes:
My boyfriend and I have been together now for 8 years, having lived together for almost 5 years. Recently, I had received a contract/job offer that would require relocation. It's not my 'dream job' per se but definitely a solid stepping stone that would set me on the right path towards it. And hey- it's only one year.
They pay is slightly better but I think there is more value in building my reputation, establishing a larger network and using this opportunity as a journey of "self-discovey"/ finding my own independence.
We're both in our mid to late twenties with no kids. As for obligations, it would only be towards our cat as we don't own a vehicle or mortgage.
Our currently living arrangements are complicated. We're living at his parents' house to save money while they live in another property a few towns over. They're very nice people but it can be strenuous as they often come to visit every other weekend.
As such, before we moved I together, we had plans to buy a house within 5 years. At the time, he was in school while I worked. That was about 4.5 years ago. While I understand that school was a priority and took up roughly 3 of those 5 years, he has since found a stable job that he enjoys but has shown little to no interest in house hunting or talking to me about plans for the future.
I've been doing my best to express that this is something that is of great importance to me but am often rebuffed and told to stop nagging so much.
As our 'deadline' approaches, he has shown more interest but I'm not sure if it's because he genuinely wants to live together, or because his parents want to come back to the main house after the 5 year mark.
After discussing this job opportunity with him, I thought that he would be happy for me but he expressed that he would be against long distance relationships and unwilling to even try. For two people who have been together for almost 9 years, I figured that 1 year away would be considered a small time apart. I had also mentioned that now would be a good time as we're both still young and aren't commited to things like a mortgage for example. He became even more upset and reassured me that he would like for us to grow together and that he would like for us to marry in the future.
Whether it's something trivial like going to bed early or promising to do more things together, he's been known to say things with the best of intention but has a hard time following through with the action.
That said, I'm not sure if he's all that committed to a future together even after talking about it... AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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NOBODY
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
qQvLdmULERITMw621jA5PDUM97sU181c
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aada7m
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriend how to treat something he bought me",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling my boyfriend how to treat something he bought me?
|
Recently my boyfriend bought me a revlover I've been looking at getting, we both grew up around guns. I grew up around rifles, he handguns. I can't tell you all about rifles, but I know how to clean one and how to handle one safely. My boyfriend is getting annoyed with me because I've told him to quit dry firing it because he's gonna damage the firing pin he says it dosent hurt the firing pin, and I don't even know how to aim it so why am I telling him how to handle it? I just want my new revlover to stay nice
TLDR told my boyfriend to quit mishandling my new revlover he bought me and he's getting annoyed
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"OTHER": 16,
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
Pix88Cfi6jPItozW7tjwWT8s0T9qqXwl
|
ar9t98
|
{
"description": "just starting walking away from my friends",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If I just started walking away from my friends?
|
So the best way to describe my group of friends at the moment, would probably be a shit show.
One of them has dropped out of school, started dating this girl who told him if he wasn't employed in a month, she's dumping him.
She also likes taking him to parties and clubs, where they can take a bunch of shit, and apparently she got so messed up once, she cheated on him.
They're soul mates, just ask him. He got a job, stacking stuff, lost it in less than a month. I don't really see him much any more, and it feels like we don't really have anything to talk about.
Another saw the first guys girlfriend, and thought, "I'd like that." and that caused a bunch of shit, and he says he's not into her now, but often states that she never said that she doesn't like him... Oh, he was also living at my place for a while, and if I'm honest, I was getting sick of him being around constantly, especially since I was paying more rent than him. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
The last guy started dating someone, so now he and the first guy keep comparing them and I'm tired of hearing it. Besides that he's alright, even though I don't get to see him often.
Sorry for the rant, but to get to my point, the few times I hang out with them lately, I've noticed that I'll be having a conversation with one or more of them, and someone will just abruptly change the topic, usually to ask me a question. For example:
Me: So that's why Revenge of the Sith is my favourite film.
Friend/s: I was hanging out with other friend last night and he said the best joke / hey, how do I do this in this game?
I get that I might not be the most interesting person, or have the most interesting hobbies, but isn't it rude to just not acknowledge that I said anything at all? It's gotten to the point where when it happens, in thinking of just leaving the room or not responding. Would I be the arsehole if I did that?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
XO6UikP4bFsuxUe1A4x2bf9k7GI06iVG
|
9uouyt
|
{
"description": "telling my daughter her husband should get a job to pay me back an $1,800 loan I gave them",
"pronormative_score": 36,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for telling my daughter her husband should get a job to pay me back an $1,800 loan I gave them?
|
My daughter and her husband borrowed $1,800 from me to pay bills. The deal was, they would pay me back at $100/ month “ when they could”. Her husband was supposed to find a job and assist her with the payments. He keeps getting minimum wage jobs and quitting for various reasons, always claiming to be a victim of racism or poor working conditions. She works 2 low paying jobs. When I asked her about his lack of motivation, she told me that it’s ok if he doesn’t work, she wouldn’t break up a marriage over money. She then went into a philosophical rant about how money is just an idea, a made up thing by humans to control each other. I told her that I was offended that she thinks it’s ok that he doesn’t work, even though he owes me money. The way I see it , he owes me half. She hasn’t spoken to me in months now because i said this. Was I wrong to tell my daughter her husband has an obligation to me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 36,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 11
}
|
RIGHT
|
0pF6KTvfweZJypWdNC0OabZSg6TdsiEH
|
akh0r4
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my gf over her sleeping in bed (with no physical contact) with someone who fancies her",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my gf over her sleeping in bed (with no physical contact) with someone who fancies her?
|
Well, this one has a lot of details but please bear with me!
So me and my GF met around 18 months ago, she was about to immigrate to Israel from Russia. In Israel this process (for Jews only) comes with a lot of benefits, among others you get a yearlong program to help you settle in better (learning the language, history, culture and so on), another benefit is that you get some kind of an Israeli born and raised sponsor. In this case me, and a shitload of money when you finally immigrate.
It took some time but around the world cup final, after knowing each other for around 10 months just before she went back to Russia to prepare for her permanent stay, we decided we want a relationship.
She is very smart and very pretty, and resourceful, after the program ended we coupled up, but she had to leave for 3 months. I was used for people hitting on her constantly, and as she is a nice person by nature she always let them down easy enough they wanted to stay around her as friends (or sleeper agents waiting for the right time). Also, she was very outgoing and popular and had many friends regardless.
One of them, we will call him David, was also an immigrant but he immigrated 6 years ago and shared a place with his Ex-roommate-turned-GF. Since thing ended badly between them, he had a spare room at his place and he offered it free of charge! I was surprised but I wanted her to take this suspicious and great deal because I trusted her.
Little did I know that the reason David and his Ex broke up was the feelings he had to my GF, and that his Ex didn’t fully moved out, she comes back every Saturday to sleep there. While she does, my GF and Fucking David shared a bed. That went on for 3 months…
She came clean about all of it and told me noting physical happened and I tend to believe her. However, I told her I needed a complete break of two weeks (I didn’t answered her phone calls). I was mad and hurt that she didn’t tell me that immediately, and they had a secret they kept together from me for a long time. Needless to say that if she would have told me I would have found a solution.
At the end of the two weeks, she was really mad at me. I asked her in which bed did she slept on the last two Saturdays, and she said that in David's. I broke up with her on the spot. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
gUgyozPN97zZ6QQOyBIKbsGkwTxx24Sa
|
a3jowo
|
{
"description": "asking my cousin why hasn't he moved out yet",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA - For asking my cousin why hasn't he moved out yet?
|
(New account)
English is my third language (be gentle) sorry for errors, typos, and grammar.
​
A little bit of a back story; My mom and I live together. One day my mom tells me that my cousin will stay with us for two months. My moms room has been converted into a place for her hobbies, while the other room is mine. I told her it was a dumb idea to convert her room into that and where would she put her bed? "In the living room". (it's a small bed) so she told me its fine. I just went with it. My cousin arrives and since he has no-where to go because my uncle was going to start charging him if he stayed at his place again.
He's there for the soul purpose of getting enough money to buy a plane ticket to go to Spain (where his wife is)... Why cant his wife send him the money? - I don't know. Why can't my aunt/ his mom give him the money?.. I don't know
I don't know about him and his situation, all I know is that he's getting money to go Spain and that he'll need two months to do so. So, two months go by.. Later I find out that his aunt tells my mom that he'll need another month to get enough money to leave. November comes and goes. I find out again that he'll be leaving in February (two more months) until he decides to leave. My mom has been sleeping on a recliner for three months, I've had enough and tell her that I would talk to him. Five months is a really long time, what has he been doing with the money, and why does he come from work so late? She tells me not to say anything and to just stay out of it.
During the first month my sister finds out that he's been going to work (somewhat) but that he's been also going to other places, sight-seeing, and maybe (huge maybe) been with another female. How did she find out? He has her added on a bunch of social media and she's tracked him down on where he has been going. We confront him, while surprised that she found out, he swears that everything was for work. He ended up blocking her and removing her from everything. The second month goes by and he said he quit his job for a better paying one(he went from roof repair guy to painter). He came home intoxicated once and he has a liver problem. He can't be drinking.
I got tired of it today and asked him...
Where are you working? - As a painter.
How much are they paying you? - $100 each day.
They give you $100 each day as a painter? Yes, but they pay me after end of the week.
So they pay you $500 each week but you need until February to leave? Yes.
Why? Because I also pay for my car back home, I give a bit to my mom, and I owe the bank. (I don't believe him but I go with it.
I tell him "five months is a long time, my mom has been sleeping in that chair for 3 months, she can barely sleep, and because we have loud neighbors they sometimes end up waking her at night". I look at her every day she wakes up, It's really hard for me just to keep pretending. So I told her yesterday that I would leave my room spotless for her, so she can take it (I am the A-hole for not offering it to her in the first place) and that I would sleep on the sofa in the living room because I was not going to sleep in that chair. I told him "I'm not attacking you, we're just talking, I don't want you leave right away, I'm not saying I can't stand you anymore and that I don't want you here. I just wanted some answers as to why you're taking so long especially since you have a wife in Spain all alone and waiting for you."
He got mad, he said he'll move out at the end of the week, and that he didn't mean to disturb us (with an attitude). I told him that "I wasn't telling him to leave, you have all of December still, just don't waste your money and save it" He's been packing for a bit. I told my mom, she got pissed and now we're waiting for her to talk to him and me.
​
Short story; Cousin need money for Spain because wife is there, need two months but now wants to spend 5 months (while being sketchy), Mom has been sleeping bad for 3 months, we're tired of him but mom tells me to stay out of it. I ask him what's taking so long, he gets upset, starts packing, and now were' waiting for my mom to get home to talk to him and me.
​
If I am the a-hole then I'll apologies to him and my mom and leave him be, I just needed a fresh outlook.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
58g00mWZKkhHUetv1msVpq3TcwRajDX3
|
an99jb
|
{
"description": "telling my daycare provider I'll report her to the IRS",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA - For telling my daycare provider I'll report her to the IRS.
|
First timer here!
My wife and I have had this nanny/daycare provider for the past year. She would occasionally come to our house to watch the kids but most of the time we dropped them off at her home.
At the time of our childcare arrangement we spoke about all the normal stuff i.e. payment, drop off, and also tax reporting as this isn't my first go around. When you've paid for childcare expenses in the past they add up quick. We just want to utilize the proper tax benefit.
About 2 months ago she cancelled with a two week notice (better than none) and we have not used her since.
While preparing taxes we requested the proper tax forms that she should produce upon request. Her response was that she hadn't kept track all year (we have) and that she does not feel comfortable giving us her SSN as this is how we report to the IRS if they do not have an EIN.
My wife was the one who made the request and let me know what our previous provider said.
I then contacted the previous provider and let her know that my wife and I; through our taxes will report her for her lack of due diligence as well the income she made from us. (We are required to report our childcare benefit differently due to her refusal to identify)
My wife is embarrassed I'm her husband now.
On mobile so please forgive formatting or whatever else is wrong.
Also I have not posted much so I don't know what I'm doing.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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INFO
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|
RIGHT
|
RuiY3vdbF6cYltr17qpW3BuYp1laFE8e
|
a3od1d
|
{
"description": "not wanting to spend Christmas with my sister's boyfriends kids",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to spend Christmas with my sister's boyfriends kids?
|
I have two sisters who are each divorced with 4 kids. This year both sisters started new relationships with men who have children from previous marriages. I'm sincerely happy for them, but hate how they're pressuring me to treat their new boyfriends and their kids like family.
I met my older sister's BF & kiddos around Halloween. My sis introduced me to everyone and told his 10 & 12 yr olds to call me Aunt HaloandCurves. I think she was trying to make them feel comfortable with me, but it was super awkward. The tweens ignored me most of the night despite my efforts to entertain them. I was somewhat resentful since I would have rather been focusing on my real neices & nephews.
Met my other sister's new man and his kids this summer. To be honest, I can't stand them. His kids are younger and not well behaved. They get into everything and beg nonstop for treats. My sister's kids are fantastic and try to keep them out of trouble. It just seems unfair that my older neices and nephews basically have to babysit his kids any time they come to visit. It sucks for them and I hate it.
In the past I've always hosted a holiday party for family at my apartment. I took care of gifts and food because I didn't want my sisters to stress. They were both single moms trying to find a way to give their four kids a good Christmas. It was the least I could do. But now I'm dreading Christmas with my sisters and their "entourages". There just simply isn't room for seven more people, and I don't want to buy gifts for 5 kids who are practically strangers. Please help me. Should I cancel my Christmas party to avoid what sounds like a hellish ordeal, or am I being a selfish asshole who needs to suck it up?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
epYDBthDH4JFfDOuVfcSlgwozKOsswpK
|
akv978
|
{
"description": "arguing with a youth pastor over his instagram post about abortion",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for arguing with a youth pastor over his instagram post about abortion?
|
Earlier this week the pastor at a church my little sister attends posted a post on his Instagram, which a majority of the followers are under 18, which compared the new abortion bill in New York to the Holocaust. (I wasn't arguing whether or not abortion is correct or not as that is a completely different debate all together ) but instead I was arguing against his use of the metaphor. During this argument I called him childish and immature for using tactics like this, especially when the majority of the viewers are teens like me, now the youth leaders at the church are angry at me for doing that and I still feel like I'm in the right as I was arguing against his use of that metaphor.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
Rj6nHR8Y5l9VcdmgWYq575cjCQnhmkOD
|
b5i66b
|
{
"description": "telling off a mutual \"friend\" for comments my GF deemed inappropriate",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA: For telling off a mutual "friend" for comments my GF deemed inappropriate?
|
So this story begins at 6AM while I am getting ready for work and I hear my GF let out multiple sounds of exasperation and after prompting shows me and Instagram message from said perpetrator...at 0236 in the morning. The gist of the message, (I will include the full Imgur link at the bottom for the full effect), was that he felt a connection between them when he touched her fingers after filming her reps at the gym, at her request.
I said it seemed innocuous enough, as I know he is prone to emotional outbursts on social media, and it is sort of the norm, but he proceeded to get worse when she said it disrespected our relationship and asked me to speak to him.
The full conversation and his reactions following clarify everything: [https://i.imgur.com/q9SBKI0.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/q9SBKI0.jpg)
​
Needless to say he blocked us on social media, but obviously we will see him at the gym, and I want to know if I am justified in either being more stern or confrontational.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
A99tCOMh7K5n10I1TfVVurSwN4MxxVpd
|
ah2ykh
|
{
"description": "having little emotion to my grandmother dying",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for having little emotion to my grandmother dying?
|
(22, female) Ever since I was a child, my grandmother has never really been a nice person to me. She has always been very hypocritical and judgemental. She talks badly about children a lot. Not even bad kids, just regular children. She is one of those "children are to be seen and not heard." Her first born child was born out of wedlock but she has no problem calling anyone who had done the same a whore or a sinner. When I was growing up and going through puberty, she would always look at me in disgust. In the summer, if I wore shorts, even shorts that were right at my needa, she would call me a whore. When I started wearing bras she would always grill me about what grown man's attention I was trying to get. Later in life, I found out that was abusive to my mother as a child as well. But her life has been plagued with a lot of sadness. She is the only surviving member of her family of her mom and dad and twelve siblings. She has outlived her first baby daddy and later my grandfather. She had six children and two of them (including my mother) have passed. And she has outlived all of her friends. She was diagnosed with cancer last year and chose to forego treatment. She doesn't have much time left. But I don't really care to try to recover any relationship. I hear from my family that she asks for me a lot and I visited a few weeks ago when everyone thought she was going to pass. But other than that, I don't really feel any grief from it. Am I being too immature? Should I go visit her more? I'm afraid of it being too late if I change my mind later in life.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
P90VLyr2qDyEZPmlds1JiH5arqByoomz
|
aqpbg7
|
{
"description": "leaving a passive aggressive note for my coworkers",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving a passive aggressive note for my coworkers?
|
First, I’m on mobile so sorry about formatting.
Now for some background: I work at a drugstore that also has a photo department. About 3 months ago my schedule became very consistent, which puts me on the register/photo department for all my shifts. Because of this, my manager put me in charge of ordering all of our stores dispense items, which includes all of our stores plastic bags, receipt and catalina paper, everything that has to do with photo, among other things. I also have to keep the register/photo department in an extremely clean and organized way, per our new mangers expectations.
Before all of this, we had an absolute shit show of a store. We had a old manager who was always in the background, and didn’t truly care about shit. We were always running out of dispense items like plastic bags, photo supplies, and most importantly, media sets. A media set is our paper and ribbon for our printers. In a box comes 2 ribbons and 2 rolls of paper. For the entire 2 years I have been working here, I have always been taught to change both paper and ribbon tighter, no matter what the computer says. The computer can either say “replace paper” or “replace ribbon” depending on which one runs out first, but again, you always change both. This keeps our boxes and counts even.
Now here is the problem, some of my coworkers don’t change the both together. This causes us to have excess rolls of paper, that they end up hiding in the back of the photo department cabinets. Which I end up having to throw away when I work, because a roll without a ribbon shouldn’t be used. When I started noticing this, I asked my manager if she could talk to the other employees about how to change the media. A few days later, she said she had discussed it with everyone. After there was still no change, so I had left a very nice note that said “please remember to change both ribbon and paper:)”. A few couple weeks later, it’s still happening. So now I got our label maker, and write “please change both ribbon and paper” and stick them to the inside of the cabinet where the printers are. There is 0% chance you could miss this note. Still this is happening.
So now I’m annoyed. My new manager is getting annoyed with me because I’m supposedly ordering more media sets than our store should be using. Only problem is that if I don’t order X amount a week, we will run out. So yesterday I wrote a note that said “Whoever is only changing either paper or ribbon only, please stop. You must always change both, no matter what. It ruins our counts and leaves us with rolls that will just be thrown away.” I taped this to our computer, which you shouldn’t be able to miss. I am now thinking that this may have been a bit assholeish because I am not technically in any higher position than them.
So I am wondering AITA for leaving this passive aggressive note?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
b1m4cszVrzwBdyoKaJZSWanO4YdU0BZC
|
b75ghu
|
{
"description": "telling a clingy, \"humble\" narcissist that I want to be left alone, even when he has health issues",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling a clingy, "humble" narcissist that I want to be left alone, even when he has health issues?
|
I have, for a short while, been semi-friends with a person on Discord. He consistently reiterates that he is attracted to me, despite the fact that I have told him I am in a committed relationship with a wonderful person. He constantly tells me to play Runescape with him, and when I try to tell him that I don't want to play it for any more of the day, he mentions his epilepsy making him have seizures. (Which I'm starting to think he's using to fish for sympathy- he smokes, and refuses to do rehab because he doesn't have money, and he refuses to save up money to do so.) And he pulls this really subtle thing I hate where he thinks apologizing will make me do stuff with him, so he does it incessantly and just makes me feel guilty. I have received unsolicited lewds from him and I think he's trying to guilt me into spending time with him, in an attempt to sabotage my existing romance. Am I the asshole for being blunt with him about what I think about the situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
zWt80t7I0EqqbaeoQebYvzNQhgGC2KG2
|
auaw8f
| null |
AITA : Stopped offering help
|
Okay so here goes...
​
I was having a night out and drinking and i met this woman in her 40s, bit of an alcoholic and a junkie.
I ended up continuing the night with her and some other guys at one of their's apartment after the bars closed down.
We had a nice rest of the evening, chatted for a couple hours and then fell asleep. I woke up after a few hours and the woman was still awake, texting and crying.
​
Turns out, she had trouble with her husband and he wouldnt let her stay at home because of that. She had had to sleep in a abandoned house near her home (its +4celcius outside). Being drunk and feeling like a good samaritan i offered that i could house her for a few days. We exchange contacts and go to sleep.
​
Fast forward to morning and she's taken a cab to her husbands place. Few hours later i get a call telling me to pick her up (he'd not let her in). By this time i'm sobered up so i'm like what the hell but a promise is a promise so whatever, and i go pick her up.
​
I house her for the day, we get pizza and watch movies etc.
​
By morning i get tired of her junkie behaviour, the smell, constant requests and her drinking the extra beers i had on my fridge, so i offer to give her a ride home. During the ride she asks me to swing by the store so she could get some more beer, asking if she can stay at my house some other time, asking if i can came with her to her door incase the husband is angry etc... i politely dodge/deny all these questions, and gently let her know this was a one-time thing. I even gave her an old sleeping bag i had just in case she could'nt go home and it was a cold night.
​
So, i end up dropping her off and leaving, being sure to block her number just in case.
Few hours later she texts me from another phone, saying i need to pick her up, its an emergency etc... I don't respond and block that number too.
​
I kinda feel bad but hey, not my business to take care of a grown woman on my expense? Right?
​
Am I The Asshole?
​
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
swzMNSoutqWT7iGVY3NMpEFyAfH0cfwL
|
at1qkr
|
{
"description": "tearing strips off my colleague",
"pronormative_score": 31,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for tearing strips off my colleague?
|
I walked in to the tea room in my workplace today to find two colleagues who I generally get on very well with, who are married, in the middle of a conversation regarding outlandish workplace pregnancy rumours that had them in stitches.
Almost as soon as I entered the room, they added me into the joke, laughing that maybe I’m pregnant.
The husband (Dave) had a quick laugh and moved on, but the wife (Susie) carried on with the conversation, noting that I frequently ask to be moved out of areas at work using xray, am of childbearing age, and often complain that I can’t eat first thing in the morning because it makes me feel unwell. Dave actually said to her ‘stop now, or this rumour will stick’ and others said the same, but Susie carried on, thinking she was being hilarious, and getting payback for me briefly hiding her pen yesterday.
As we all know, fake pregnancy pranks are rarely funny, and you often don’t know what people around you are going through in regards to pregnancy and fertility. I know, for example, that one person who was present, but not involved in the conversation, fell pregnant when we were at school, was forced into terminating by her parents, and regrets it.
Personally, I love kids and desperately want my own. I am very aware that the way things are going for me it seriously might not happen, and that feels like a failure, but I try not to let on how upsetting it is for me. So I tried to get her to knock it off by joking ‘are you saying I look fat?’ but she carried right on. Someone else said quite bluntly ‘pregnancy rumours aren’t funny, you don’t know what people are going through’ and I chimed in ‘right! maybe I’ve been trying to get pregnant for years’ but she still tone-deafed away, laughing ‘I’ve got three teenagers, which one do you want?’
So I lost my shit.
Told her ‘well aren’t you lucky to have had three kids. Not that it’s any of your business, but I’d desperately love to have a child but it really looks like it’s never going to happen and I worry that the miscarriage I was so relieved by when I fell pregnant at uni might have been my only chance. But sure, laugh it up, I’m sure I’ll have a super fun time explaining to all the people who hear your hilarious story that no, as much as I’d like to be pregnant, I’m a big ol’ barren failure and Susie was just having a funny joke. hilarious! look how we’re all laughing!’
then I finished strong by telling her stunned face to get stuffed (I know, harsh words) and turned heel.
AITA? I feel like I overreacted, but then I also feel like she was given plenty of opportunity to take a hint before I blew up at her, and clearly wasn’t going to let up.
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HISTORICAL
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asxaq6
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"description": "checking out other (animated) girls with my boyfriend next to me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
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|
AITA for checking out other (animated) girls with my boyfriend next to me?
|
So I'm a bisexual female. Mostly, especially in media, I'm more likely to comment on a girls body because I think girls bodies are more interesting and beautiful. Romantically, I have a slight preferance toward guys.
Me and my now ex boyfriend would sometimes watch movies or play video games together. There are times when I would see a character, and start to gush over her design (yes specifically talking about her design) and voice actress. I would comment how she was beautiful and I loved how her hair moved and how the artists did her eyes. My then boyfriend would always go silent when I did this, and when I'd ask him if he thought they were cute, he'd make an awkward joke and move on. It always seemed to bother him, and that bothered me. It was just a image, and a majority of the time I was more complimenting the artist and the voice actor than the animated girl herself.
Am I the asshole for thinking that's a stupid thing to be bothered by?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "dumping girls if they don't have a Career or go to School",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For Dumping Girls If They Don't Have A Career or Go to School?
|
I'm M22, graduated last year and I'm on track to make 75k this year. I like to think of myself of having my shit together so I want to be with a girl that does as well. In my mind that means having a job that leads to a career/advancement or going to school to better herself. I don't care if they live with their parents or anything like that because we live in a high COL area and most of the girls I'm seeing are in their undergrads still or just finished. Also doesn't matter how much they make either, just that their on the right track with their career if that make sense? I have had 2 instances since last November where I had to end things because the first girl was 21, graduated with a community college diploma and worked retail with no plans of going back to school or finding a career. I found that to be pretty bummy and ended things in January after 2 months. Second girl I started seeing in the end of Jan I just broke things off with 2 days ago because she graduated with a BA in history in June and same scenario worked at a clothing store with no other plans.
I mentioned this to one of my friends after she asked me why I keep dumping these girls and I told her why and she called me a huge prick, a douche, and said that I think that I'm better than them
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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ap8iru
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{
"description": "cutting ties with my mom for stealing",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for cutting ties with my mom for stealing?
|
Hi everybody, apologies in advance for formatting - not on mobile, I've just never been good at it.
My mom has a history of doing really shady things and then coming up with decent reasons when she gets caught. When I was growing up, she'd take money out of my piggy bank every now and then claim that it was going towards my college fund (Which, I found out when it was time to go to college, did not exist). When I would get checks for my birthday from family members, she would cash them and then use the money to buy my birthday presents (which she assured me was totally reasonable because I was still getting something).
As a family we weren't exactly hurting for money. We lived in the middle class area of a nice town, always had food and heat, etc. But my mother was/is absolutely terrible at handling money. It's not that she doesn't know what to do with it, it's that she spends it on clothes, cigarettes, and drinks with her friends the second she gets it. Which meant that when she needed money for food, rent, and taxes, she would "borrow" (steal) money from me and my sisters. Her lack of financial responsibility played a huge part in us having to move out of that middle class neighborhood to go live in a dangerous area, where her bad spending habits continue to this day.
Fast forward to today. I've long since moved out of the house and made it on my own a state away from her. I'm going grocery shopping when I stop to check on my bank account and see that a check for $250 has been taken out. I rack my brain trying to think of any checks I'd written recently but I can't think of any. Then I remember that I can take a look at a picture of the check with the mobile app, and what I saw made my blood boil.
More backstory: There was a small student loan that she had taken out in her name for me, and I told her I'd be paying for it. She told me that the easiest way to do that would be for me to pre-sign a few checks for the monthly amount ($50) for her to send into the account every month. Obviously wary of this given her history but not wanting to insult her, I agreed, but watched her fill out the check to make sure it was going to the right place. When I wrote in the dollar amounts, I lined out the unused space on the line so that nothing could be added - or so I thought.
When I looked at the picture of the check, it was one of the ones I had pre-signed for $50. Except that she had written THROUGH THE LINEOUT the words "Two hundred and" in front of the "fifty", and then cashed it herself. I was blown away - both that she had literally committed forgery on a check, and that it had worked even with the bold lineout through most of the amount.
I called her and she acted, as always, like she had done absolutely nothing wrong. She told me that she needed it for taxes (though according to my little sister who still lives with her, she "bought clothes like crazy" around the time the check was cashed).
My father in law is a fraud inspector and he assures me that this was, in fact, a "very illegal thing to have done" but told me that pressing it with the bank would have serious legal consequences for my mom and instead I should just avoid dealing with her in the future.
I am fortunately not in a spot where $250 is going to break me, but that isn't the point here. My mother has been stealing from me all my life, and this flagrant disregard for the law and my trust is the final straw. If she had called me and asked for the money, I would have given it to her. I've given her much more than this in the past. Why she felt the need to lie and steal is beyond me, and I feel like I just need to cut her out of my life. WIBTA?
TLDR: My mom forged a check to steal money out of my bank account without telling me, and I want to cut her out of my life because this has been a pattern all my life.
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HYPOTHETICAL
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ax9t4t
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{
"description": "pulling out of a group project at the last minute",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA For pulling out of a group project at the last minute?
|
For the past month or so in school we had to come up with an idea for a product and make it and pitch it ( tomorrow 5th March ).
I usually like to take responsibility so I’ve done most of the work for our group along side a lot of other projects during that month so I was really caught up in schoolwork etc.
I worked really hard on the project as there were pretty fat rewards from it and that especially got me to try and win so I worked my ass off.
Tomorrow we have to prepare a stand before we pitch which showcases our product etc. So, earlier I was drawing up huge letters to put up for our stand which said our brand name. Since our product involves a glass bottle one of my group members texted me
Can you make a design for the bottle
So I finish the letters and start on a design. I will be honest but I didn’t put 100% into it. We were almost done so I was knackered and just wanted to finish it, so I rush the drawings and I get these texts
Wtf have you been doing
Those are the most shitty designs I’ve seen in my life
Now I was really offended, I’m open to criticism but that’s too far.
So. At 5pm the day before our pitch I switch to another group and bring anything with me that could help my new group and delete or destroy anything that could help my old group.
After this I felt really bad because the other group members had done nothing wrong (and nothing in the project) and now I’ve bestowed a shitty deadline on them.
Guys, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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ao5vlb
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{
"description": "calling local non emergency pd on a sketchy situation",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA to call local non emergency pd on a sketchy situation?
|
I'll try to make this short.
The apartment next to me has a single mom, teen-preteen (12 or 13) girl and a boy who's probably about 8. More often than not all you hear coming from the apartment is either the mom or the daughter (sometimes both) SCREAMING.
Screaming at each other, screaming at the little boy. Yes it's annoying because when I'm home sick, or my husband works overnights and sleeps during the day. Hit more importantly idk if everyone is okay in the home. It's probably not physical abuse but there's definitely some shit going down over there.
WIBTA if I called local non emergency pd to check on them? I just worry about possibly being responsible for this single mom having CPS involved.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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aeuvkb
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{
"description": "not liking to talk about past sexual relationships",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not liking to talk about past sexual relationships?
|
I've been dating this girl for around 3 months and she's on multiple occasions brought up things she used to do sexually with ex boyfriends. I understand that everyone has a past but I've told her a few times that I really don't like talking about things like that as it makes me insecure but she kept doing it. One day when she mentioned it I just shut down going really quiet and not talking, all be it I could have been more mature about the situation but she used that against me to break up with me. Am I in the wrong because here?
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HISTORICAL
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axerk2
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{
"description": "telling my now ex gf that I had sex with another girl",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for telling my now ex gf that I had sex with another girl?
|
The title already makes me seem like a major cunt but hold on. Throw-away acc btw.
A few weeks ago I broke up with gf and this specific moment came to mind. On our first date as an actual couple, we were talking while she was sitting on my lap. We were making out and talking about life when she starts to talk about her recent trip to disneyland, how it went and how good it was. It was all fine until she started to talk about a certain guy, saying he was "the best one week bf I've ever had" and that they wanted to date badly and would be a couple right now if it wasn't for the fact that he lived in another state.
She just kept talking about him and how good he was, how she liked him and that they dated for that week and still talked to this day.
This got me unconfortable for obvious reasons and I really disliked the whole conversation. I changed subject quickly after she stated that she still wanted to date him and didn't think much of it. She then grabbed my phone to see how many messages we have with each other via WhatsApp and stumbled upon a certain number from a friend. The number was saved only as "Hummingbird" so she clicked on it and saw that we had 15K messages with each other. She asked with jealous tone who it was, to which I answered "Ah, it's just an old friend that I once had sex with in a bathroom, crazy stuff." She quickly changed subjects after that. So, AITA for doing this as a petty and harmless "revenge" on her for making me listen to how she would date and fuck another guy if he didn't live so far from her? It's been bugging me this whole time and I want to know, some people say I am, some don't but I really don't know anymore.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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aqpchq
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{
"description": "leaving a 1 star public review for a local restaurant",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for leaving a 1 star public review for a local restaurant?
|
I apologize, this is quite long, there is a TL:DR at the end.
​
There is this local restaurant in my city (located in Europe) that market itself as healthy, environmental friendly and serves organic food. I never went there, but I ordered some times and all the food came packed in plastic.
​
So I decided to contact them and suggest to switch to a more environment friendly packages. They didn't answer, but I followed them and - surprisingly - I see on their facebook page that all their packages are made of compostable plastic. The posts stating this are even one year prior to my orders.
​
Weird - I thought, at touch, it did feel as regular plastic. Also here, for example in supermarkets, organic plastic is full of labels screaming it is organic or compostable.
​
So I decided to order one more time and examine carefully the packaging. A quick google search proved that it was indeed regular plastic, except for the sauce container, which was of compostable corn plastic. The main dish and beverage lid was regular plastic.
​
So during all this time (it went for 3-4 months) I contacted them on Messengers three times. I left a comment under a picture that I contacted them in private. I called the restaurant and addressed directly the issue, the waiter told me she can't really help me on this, that the owners live in a different country and I should try to contact them through Facebook or mail, without giving me any contact information to help me getting in touch. The reason why I never went in person is because they only open at lunch and I am at work at that time, and I don't really have time to walk around and complain.
​
So I decided to forget about it and never order from there again, until yesterday, when I saw a post of theirs on Instagram, and still they were claiming the compostable containers.
​
I couldn't stand it anymore, so I left a 1 star review on Facebook, with the picture of my last order proving my point.
​
Surprise surprise, this morning I get a message from the restaurant, the owner apologize saying he was sick and couldn't answer (yet could post continously on the feed), that they're sorry, sometimes bio plastic can be expensive, that's why they can't use it for everything, inviting me for a free lunch etc.
​
I politely answered that I don't need a lunch, I just want them to write the truth on their website and social media. Also even if he was sick, someone was posting, even if it is an external Social Media Manager, they must know how to handle inquiries.
​
A few more back and forths where they say more excuses, such as the majority of restaurants only use plastic, that they are trying hard enought etc. But really all I want from them is to write the correct information.
​
By the end of the day, a guy contacts me, apparently his gf works in this restaurant and is in charge of supplies and now is in big trouble because of me. Blames me for everything, says that as an enterpreneur myself I should support other businesses instead of bringing them down, that my words hurt an entire team and that I was unfair to their hard work, since they employ a lot of local people. Also he told me that they order the containers from their country and pay for them 5 times more than the normal ones and this should be appreciate, since here the majority don't even bother to recycle (I must add, the owners are from a richer European country and generally people from there tend to act as they are above the locals).
​
TL:DR After attempting to contact a restaurant privately several times to ask them to correct their misleading marketing about "compostable" packaging, AITA for outing them publicly and potentially causing troubles to the employees?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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ar3kqk
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{
"description": "not wanting to sit by people who smell like smoke",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to sit by people who smell like smoke?
|
This is somewhat short. In lecture hall today, I walked into a row of seats, and sat down in a chair with an opening on either side (I like to have space). Promptly after someone walked past and the smell of smoke was pretty strong. They sat down in the seat next to me on the left. I didn’t want to go through lecture smelling smoke, but I also didn’t want to blatantly change seats after they sat down. My friends were conveniently behind me and to the right, so I got up and engaged in conversation with them, moving one seat to the right, trying to make it look like it was just to talk to them. Didn’t have to move my stuff or anything.
I don’t want to make anyone feel bad. But I also don’t want to breathe in second or third hand smoke. At this point, we all know it’s not good for our health... I feel like it’s justified even to not cover for just moving. I wouldn’t say anything. It just seems logical to me that if you have a lot of smoke on you, for my own lungs, it makes sense if I want to move.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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a0f9k1
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{
"description": "offending someone who I've known for 1 week",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for offending someone who I've known for 1 week?
|
I've known this girl for a week that I met off tinder, and we went on a date and had fun. A few days later we were talking about my friend who is currently in an abusive relationship it came up and we went down that rabbit hole. One of the important facts is that my friend will use he doesn't want to be single as an excuse to not break up as I talk to him about how it's not healthy. I mentioned this to her and she said maybe he has dependent disorder or something along those lines where he is dependent on another person. All I said back was I've know the kid for 2 years he doesn't have a dependdence issue, it's not that severe with him. She flipped out at me calling me an asshole for saying he's not that severe. And that by saying severe I don't care about him and don't really give a shit about his issues. AITA for simply saying I know he doesn't have a personality dependence issue and that his dependence isn't that severe?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
akbo34
|
{
"description": "breaking up my two Friends, who were both clearly unhappy",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For Breaking Up My Two Friends, Who Were Both Clearly Unhappy?
|
I have these two friends, both males, that were dating for around 2 years, they moved in together (about 1 year into the relationship) and decided to try be as independent as possible and not ask for much financial help from family or friends.
Fast forward about half a year after they moved in together and they are both miserable and are constantly fighting over the smallest things. Their financial situation was getting worse and worse due to one of them losing their job as an IT admin and having to live off Centrelink (Australia welfare) until he could find another job. They loved each other and were happy when they first got together, but I just kept seeing them at each other's throats 24/7, one pushing for the other to get a job and the other one getting frustrated before snapping back.
During small parties or lunches, they were constantly nipping at each other, making people uncomfortable due to the insults and how even the smallest thing started the arguments/insults. After a few months of this sort of behavior, I sat down with one of them at lunch and told them that I see their relationship becoming hostile and toxic, I suggested that they should give each other space and come back to it after a a couple weeks.
A couple weeks pass by and everything seems fine the next time I visited them, until I made a small mention about how I got promoted after one of them asked how my job was going. They were straight back into it, arguments and insults that could stretch from West Australia to New South Wales if they were written down. After listening to them go at it for 30 minutes, I got up and left without saying a word. I received a few phone calls from them separately and suggested to one of them it be better to split up, instead of continuing their toxic relationship.
Two weeks go by and I get told via a (very angry and rude) Facebook message about how they split up and are now living apart from each other. The message read along the lines of "why did you make my brother break up with he, they were happy, you should feel ashamed of yourself" and was blocked from messaging before I could even reply. A few hours pass and the messages start rolling in, the rumors spreading like wildfire, some said that I was sleeping with one of them or that I was jealous and wanted to break them up so I had a chance of getting with one of them. I still talk to both of them and one of them is happy to be out of the relationship while the other is devastated and refuses to speak to me or his ex. I received these messages from family friends, school friends and even an old boyfriend of mine and I slowly started to believe I was the asshole in the situation and needed someone not from my group to tell me if I was or not, which led me here.
​
TL;DR:
Am I the asshole for suggesting that my friends should split up because of how toxic their relationship was and how it kept getting worse and worse without an end in sight?
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HISTORICAL
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b53x5a
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{
"description": "taking my dog to the park",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for taking my dog to the park?
|
Backstory: I have a super reactive doggy, were working on it, but she gets very anxious around new dogs and people and shows it by barking and growling hysterically. Obviously once that interaction is up all she wants to do is play and be pet.
The story: I take her on a walk, trying out a new harness that helps reactivity, and I go to a very empty park that only one other dog is in. My dogs on leash, I’m very far away from the other dog and keeping an eye on everything. I turn my back to take a picture of some flowers, and next thing I know I hear this silent fighting and look to see that the other dog has run all the way across the park and nipped my dog in the butt playfully. Well my dog wasn’t paying attention either and took the nip as a bite and got mad. She didn’t bite back nor did she growl but I had to pick her up (she’s 85 lbs) to remove her from the situation because the other dog would not leave her be. I call out to the owners and they just stare at me. Finally the woman saunters over and tells me I shouldn’t bring an aggressive dog to the park.
I didn’t have it in me at that point to explain anything to her. I feel like if I’m staying away and keeping my dog on a leash then you should respect my boundaries and my dogs boundaries and quickly come to get your pet if they stray from you. I told her one of us was going to have to leave and it wasn’t going to be me, so she took her other two dogs and left. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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9yd19o
|
{
"description": "ghosting a friend due to her alleged mental health issues",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ghosting a friend due to her alleged mental health issues?
|
Here's the story. I (F) met this girl at college last semester. Let's call her Dani. I began talking to her because she started hanging out with some of my friends, after they met her at some student organization. Dani seemed nice, witty, smart, and was fun to hang out with. After a week or so, she added me on Facebook. After a month, Dani and I started opening up and talking about our hobbies, friends, and families both online and irl. One of the things that Dani got to know about me from our talks, was that my roommate and best friend, let's call him Vlad, lives with schizophrenia (this will be important later on). It seemed to me that she was an understanding, trustworthy person whom I could talk about a ton of things with.
​
Fast forward a few weeks and she starts complimenting me (frequently) on my hair, eyes, freckles, etc. I tried to seem oblivious to her advances, given that I wasn't attracted to her, I only thought she was a cool person that I had just met, whom I could maybe become good friends with. I thought that if I didn't compliment her back, she would figure out that I wasn't interested in her in *that* way. Besides, she hadn't said directly that she was interested in me, so I couldn't really 'reject' her. The only sort of obvious hint was that she had asked me a couple of times if I thought Vlad was handsome. Both times I replied something along the lines of ''Yeah, why not''.
\[By then, Dani knew how important Vlad is in my life, as I had talked to her about taking him to the ER when he started feeling sick (he's asthmatic), or about a sleepless night trying to calm him down a bit after he saw some frightening shadow-like being coming towards him (visual hallucinations)\].
​
However, Dani kept trying to make advances on me, without directly asking me out. I started to drop not-so-subtle hints that I was not interested in her (encouraging her to go on a date with that cute girl that she told me had asked her out) while also distancing myself from her, to avoid giving her mixed signals. I didn't ignore her messages nor ignored her in person. I just kept our conversations short and avoided talking about deeper subjects.
**This is where Dani's odd behavior started.** One day, she hit me up on Facebook messenger with this message and a picture of a stuffed toy: ''*Hey, onesocktwobrains, guess what? I saw one of the campus counselors today, and I told her that I scream, shout at people and hit things out of nowhere, so she prescribed this toy to me, so I can bring it to class and hug it when I feel the need to scream or hit''.* It came across as strange to me that a therapist would prescribe stuffed toys for a 20 year-old to bring to college and hug, but ok. I just told Dani I hoped that this treatment plan would work well for her, without asking her for more details. The conversation ended there, but she pushed the topic whenever she could, and I just tried to brush it off.
​
Then, like a week or so later, Dani sends me a message that read: ''Are you free this Tuesday at 8? I need to talk to you about something. It's important''. I agreed to meet her at that time in campus, and turns out she wanted to talk to me about her feelings. Long story short, I told her I didn't feel the same way. She said that there were no hard feelings, and that she still wanted to keep talking to me. I made it clear that I think of her as a nice girl, but that I didn't want to be too close to her as friends either, that we were just too different (I didn't want to straight up tell her that I was a little creeped out and suspicious of her stuffed animal story).
​
In the coming months after that, we've been messaging back and forth, intermittently. To clarify, she was the one to always initiate contact, except when I wave and say hi if I see her around campus. I don't want to be rude to her, because I see her as a nice person, but I also don't want to feed any sense of closeness between her and me. We make small talk via Facebook, and she seems overly interested in Vlad and how he is doing. She says she wants to meet him and hang out with him and me at our apartment. Everything seems innocuous but I feel something is off. Dani always turns the conversation around and makes it gravitate towards her *therapy stuffed animal*, her frequent urge to scream and kick out of nowhere (although my friends who hang out with her much more than me, told me they've never witnessed one of these episodes). And suddenly she has started speaking about allegedly having hallucinations too, just like Vlad.
​
Shortly after that (like two weeks ago), Dani got fed up with the college counselor because she wouldn't diagnose her with anything besides stress (her words). She eventually found a psychiatrist who diagnosed her with an anxiety disorder, and put her on meds. Since then, she makes sure to mention her meds every time she finds an opportunity. For example: I tell her that I'm stuck on traffic, and she replies that she can't drive because she's on meds. She sends me pictures of her prescription, to complain about how she can't find her meds at the pharmacy. I feel like she is pushing the topic on purpose, no matter how much I try to talk about something else.
**Yesterday**, I got a bit too tired of it, and told her that I'm not qualified nor comfortable to give her advice about her condition, and that I would appreciate it if she stopped talking to me about her mental health, because I really don't think I can be of much help regarding that. She went bonkers and called me insensitive and selfish, among other things. She topped off her rant saying that she wasn't attracted to me anymore, as if that had something to do with the main issue.
​
Right now, I haven't replied to her messages. I don't even know what to make of the whole situation, given that I don't quite believe her stories of her screaming and kicking episodes, nor the tale of the therapeutic stuffed animal. It's also a big coincidence that she began having visual hallucinations shortly after learning that Vlad had them. She says she has psychosis even though the meds she was prescribed are for anxiety. I have also spoken to her closest friend from college and explained the situation to her, and she told me that Dani has never spoken to her about having these issues. Why would she share sensible information with me about her mental health but not with her closest friend?
​
I feel like an asshole for thinking she is faking mental illness in order to win my sympathy, but I'm starting to think this is the case. I really just want to ghost her without providing further explanation, because when I tried to explain how I felt with her oversharing, she just shifted the blame on me.
​
TLDR: I feel like an asshole because I believe that a girl I met 4 months ago, who used to have a crush on me is faking mental illness to win my sympathy. My roommate and best friend has schizophrenia. I take care of him. After learning this, she started to make every conversation about her mental health issues, and I tried to explain to her that I can't help her with that, and that I would appreciate if she stopped talking to me about it. She called me selfish and insensitive. We are nothing near to close friends and I think I'm not obliged to her in any way, so I want to ghost her and forget about her drama.
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{
"description": "getting uncomfortable around downsyndrome people",
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AITA for getting uncomfortable around downsyndrome people
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I know it sounds horrible but ever since I was young if I was ever around any downsyndrome people I'd be really on edge and uncomfortable and would try to refrain from interacting with them, I've gotten a bit better with it that I've talked to a few but still quite uncomfortable to a point where I just want to leave the situation.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not really caring about a friend's engagement",
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|
AITA for not really caring about a friend’s engagement?
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My friend has been living with her boyfriend for 5+ years, they have dogs and cats and are a cute little family. Well they got engaged, which came as a total surprise to me, as neither of them have ever indicated (around me at least) that marriage was something they ever wanted. They’ve really seemed just happy with where they’re at, and that’s great. When she told me, I was surprised and excited, told her congratulations, ooh’d and aah’d over her ring, etc. That was around Thanksgiving, and she and I were catching up at a White Elephant party when I asked her if they’ve looked at venues or thought of a date. She then told me that they don’t know when they’re getting married, but it’s not really anywhere on the horizon. Like, literally no idea if it’s one year from now or twenty. They’re not waiting on anything, they’re just not too concerned about when they’ll get married.
Now, long engagements are whatever, I understand it can take a long time for things to line up and get everything in order. But to me, if you get “engaged” without even an actual intention of getting married, it means little to nothing and you’re basically just bf/gf with a ring. But OF COURSE I keep this to myself.
Now this doesn’t affect me AT ALL, as she and I are definitely not close enough that I think I would be asked to be in the wedding party or anything, but probably invited to pre-wedding events such as a bridal shower. However some mutual friends started talking about planning said pre-wedding events, and I guess something about my uncertainty about when would be a good time for a shower (soon after engagement vs closer to the wedding once it’s decided) came off as “meh”about their engagement.
Let me state again that at no point have I shown anything but enthusiasm for my friend, but my real feelings about it do actually lie closer to “meh, nothing’s really changed”, so AITA?
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{
"description": "hanging up abruptly on my cousin",
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AITA For hanging up abruptly on my cousin?
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The other day, I was talking with cousin over the phone about Smash Bros, and he was very vocal about how much he hated it. He talked about how toxic the community was, how bad the game mechanics were, and then he expanded how bad games have become so bad because there's so easy and shorter than before since unlike with old games, you don't have to start the entire game over again with newer games if you lose a life. He went on to tell me for the 5th time that whenever he plays a game, he makes sure to reset the entire thing (meaning erasing all save files and resetting all options)whenever he loses because otherwise it wouldn't be "perfect". I told him games are like this now because nowadays people don't have the time nor patience to dedicate hours to playing games like they used to, so forcing players or yourself to restart the entire thing is just really impractical. He then went on to tell me how he can't have it any other way because God calls him a loser if he doesn't reset the game every time he loses. I then went on to ask "Maybe you're wrong about this, God isn't telling you anything, and you're telling yourself this?" He then said "I'm a fucking Toontown noob, I will never admit I'm wrong." To this, I said "okay then, bye." and hung up abruptly because what he said really bothered me.
​
I feel like what I did here was rude since I should be more considerate of someone who's clearly angry over something, but at the same time he's given me similar rants for the past year and they haven't seem to change much so I wanted to give some kind of negative reinforcement. AITA here?
​
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{
"description": "giving ultimatums",
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AITA for giving ultimatums?
|
My boyfriend was caught cheating and after the fact he was caught texting his friend asking her for sex and telling her how much he wanted her body. I understand he was on drugs at the time and that doesnt excuse it but I told him the only way for me to be able to move past this is if he completely cuts her out from his life. I told him that it wouldn't at all be okay for him to continue to talk to her after sending her those messages. I gave him a choice: either he can block her and we can try to work out our relationship or I'm done. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "cussing out my mother for 'buying' an Xbox from my cousin",
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AITA for cussing out my mother for ‘buying’ an Xbox from my cousin
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Today my cousin texted our family group chat to ask if anyone was able to help him come up with 800 more dollars so he would be able to purchase his first vehicle. Instantly the majority of our family replied and said they wouldn’t be able to help for whatever reason, but my mother, my auntie and I were able to give him the money.
My Aunt gave $500, my mom gave $60, and I gave $140 initially. As a last resort my cousin decided that he would sell his Xbox to GameStop for the rest of the money. Although GameStop agreed to give him $100 for the console, the process was too time consuming and I could tell he really didn’t want to sell his game, so I agreed to give him the money and told him to just keep his game.
My mom is the person who drove my cousin to GameStop and to the car dealer so she seen and heard everything pertaining to this situation. After I got off work today I called to ask my mom how everything went and she essentially told me “everything went good and I told (my cousin’s name) he could just give me the Xbox to pay me back”, I instantly went off. I only gave the extra $100 because I wanted him to keep the game. We all agreed to GIVE him the money in the first place, and the console, controllers and games are worth more than the $60 that she contributed.
Nobody else seems to think that she did anything wrong and expects me to apologize.
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AITA for not wanting to touch my husband? NSFW
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I like to surprise my husband with massages and it being Valentines day soon, I figured hed appreciate one. I was in a BST group on Facebook and someone recommended one that we hadnt used before and it was a running a Valentine's day special - so I thought, what the hey?
Dropped him off at the parlor, me and our kids got dinner and then went to Chuck E Cheese to wait out the hour massage.
He arrives a little later and the first thing he says is "Im gonna need a blow job tonight." I smiled and said "Was she sexy?" (Im bi. I dont mind if he looks.) And he said no and then told me that he thought I knew I signed him up for a tantric massage. Which is basically massaging around (and on) his genitals to give him a semi and then massage elsewhere to let him go flaccid. Even though the ad (https://imgur.com/a/cyYX5aH) listed no such "treatment".
I was stunned and didn't quite know what to say. Then he told me about what she said when he got in there. "Oh your wife signed you up for this? She must be pretty awesome." "Some guys have to relieve themselves in the middle of the procedure. Just let me know and Ill get you a towel."
He went along with it because he thought its what I signed him up for. We have a good strong relationship, and theres a very slim potential that I could have signed him up for it. We'd been in seperate polyamorous relationships in the past, we watch porn together.
We get home, he shows me the massages she performed and I pretend to be ok. He gets his blow job and goes to bed. I stay up thinking about the massage non-stop. Eventually I tell him that Im not ok with what happened. That I want to be mad at him but I cant be. He says he should have left. He says it was stupid to stay.
He should have left. He should have called. He should have texted. He should have asked. We have 2 kids under 3 yrs old so sex is... Scarce. I feel like he didnt call me because secretly he wanted the massage... Whether I was ok with it or not. :(
Here it is almost a week later and I still cant stop thinking about it. I dont want to touch him because I cant stop thinking about her touching him. I usually give him massages and back rubs all the time... But I cant..
P.s. I'm not angry... Just upset, depressed and defeated. This happened the 13th.
AITA for not wanting to touch him?
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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aspxl1
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{
"description": "not wanting to watch my friends kid again",
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AITA for not wanting to watch my friends kid again?
|
Yesterday I struggled through the work day and afterschool activities with a migraine. I havent had on in quite awhile so it really took me off guard and I did not handle it well. As I tossed and turned trying to sleep last night I realized the migraine is most definitely stress related. I then tossed and turned in my mind about whether I should take the day off tomorrow (now today). At 5 am I got up to send my boss an over thought out text and planned on going right back to sleep. Of course then the alarm clock in my bedroom goes off to wake me up for work (to which I just called in to) which then woke up my toddler crying.
But its all okay, I'll just get the kids up and off to school/daycare early and then I can enjoy an almost full day of well overdue alone time.
Then my phone rings. It's the automated phone line from my kids school. They've left a voicemail. Another snow day. That means no school OR daycare for my kids. And that means... No school for my friends kid.
Just as I have processed that my day off alone has become the exact opposite of what I had planned, a message from my friends spouse pops up in our group chat damning the school for closing yet again and asking what our plans were for our kids. Which is an inadvertent way of asking if we are staying home with our kids and if we will keep their kid too.
The school has had at least a dozen 2-hour delays and snow days combined this year so far. Each one of them that we were asked to keep their kid we did. No questions asked. They work 8-5 jobs and didn't have any time to take off work. My spouse and I have had a little bit more flexible work days lately so we didn't mind helping when we could. We also understand that making childcare arrangements on the spot like that is hard, add in the fact that they don't have any family around here to help.
Except today. I just wanted to be left alone and recover from my migraine in peace and quiet. I can still recover some it by being a bad parent and letting my kids stare at a screen all day. But if I said yes then the third kid in the mix will change the whole game. Kids will be kids, and kids will be rowdy and needy.
I decided not to respond to the message until my spouse was awake to talk about it. In the two hours that passed my friends spouse called and texted my spouses several times. We agreed I was justified in saying no to watching their kid today, especially since I already am tomorrow after school while they work. My spouse responded to the text explaining that they had to go to work and I had a migraine and couldn't. Between then and when my spouse checked their phone as they walked out the door for work my friends spouse called another 2 times.
Am I being an asshole? Or was it okay for me to be selfish and try to salvage the remains of my day off? I was fully capable of watching their kid, I just didn't want to today.
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"description": "not helping my boyfriend clean today",
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AITA for not helping my boyfriend clean today?
|
Ok, so long story short, my boyfriend lives with me, he's autistic, and it's taken some work to just get him able to live on his own. That said I love him and am willing to put in that work because I know what it's like to suddenly be an adult and realize you neither want to be, nor do you really know how.
That said currently due to transportation issues, I work and he can't (no public transport and we're not in walking distance of anything)
So as a trade-off I have asked him to assume a fair bit of the domestic duties (I cook and do our laundry, most everything else is supposed to be his job). To put it plainly, recently he just HASNT, he spends his days playing PS3 games or on the PC, today he started cleaning up, and I'm just LETTING him, it's my day off.
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"description": "insisting that my parents not look at my passwords when I'm typing them in",
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|
AITA for insisting that my parents not look at my passwords when I'm typing them in?
|
I am quite concerned about my privacy especially in relation to technology, my parents are not. This has caused quite a few disagreements between us, and the biggest issue they have with me is that I hide or turn away from them whenever I enter my password in their presence. It's not that I don't trust them so much as it's become second nature. My dad yells at me whenever we're doing anything together on the computer if I turn the screen away or ask him to look away from him whenever I log into one of *my* accounts (especially the latter). Basically, his reasoning is that he sees this as me wasting (I assume his) time by "making a simple thing complicated", mostly because he doesn't really believe in taking extra security measures online. The thing is, that wasn't my intent at all. I don't suspect that he will log into my accounts without my permission, and it's just instinct at this point, and it makes me feel more comfortable. It literally takes maybe one extra second to do, so I don't think much time is being wasted.
I should also mention that I am over 18, so I feel they don't have any excuse to know my passwords anyway.
Am I the asshole in this situation?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "not wanting to hangout with my bestfriend's boyfriend",
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AITA if i dont want to hangout with my bestfriend’s boyfriend?
|
Sorry if it looks weird, first time posting and posting on mobile. AITA for not wanting to hangout with my bestfriend’s boyfriend? He’s mentally abusive and i don’t want to be around that type of person. For background on how he’s mentally abusive, he’s come to her house in the middle of the night and has taken pictures of peoples cars in her driveway, has drove by her house to see who she’s with (if she isn’t with him), or to see if she’s home if she doesn’t reply to him in a timely manner. He’s also accused her of cheating, repeatedly calls her a cheater (even though she doesn’t talk to the opposite sex because it makes him uncomfortable). He’s messaged me saying some prettttty mean stuff about her too. They had broken up for a couple days and literally not even a day of them being broken up, went on tinder. When he got caught he said he made it, but didnt use it because he knew how much she meant to him... even though he liked multiple girls on there. He also asks to go through her phone, isolates her from her friends, gets upset if she hangs out with others without him there. For a little insight on my friend, she thinks everything he does is perfectly ok, because it means “he loves and cares about her sooooo much”. I don’t specifically like him, and I’ve told her before but I’ve given bim chances because she’s my bestfriend and I want her happy. But he’s too mentally exhausting, and too mentally/emotionally abusive I don’t want to be around him. I feel like the asshole though because she gets upset when i say i don’t want to be around him. Her birthday is coming up and he’s gonna be there, which makes me feel like a bigger asshole because it’s her birthday! I want to be there but being around him is too much. AITA?
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AITA for telling my sister it’s for the best?
|
My sister and I don’t have the same dad. Her dad was brain dead for an extended period of time. He’s in a coma and they decided to take him off life support.
I sent her a text to try to show my support. I told her it’s for the best. I mean he was brain dead. He’s in a coma. I was just trying to make her feel better.
My mom informed me that my sister is furious with me for saying that. I really didn’t mean anything by it. I suck at comforting. I was just trying to be nice to her.
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WRONG
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"description": "not letting my GF hang out with another dude while I'm on vacation",
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WIBTA for not letting my GF hang out with another dude while I'm on vacation?
|
For some backstory, my GF and the dude she wants to hang out with, who we'll call Blake, used to talk to each other and were super close the summer of 2018. They would always hangout and were still in the talking phase. A couple months later, she's no longer interested in him and that's when me and here start to talk. My GF and Blake still know each other and see each other in person and wave to each other, but never really talk anymore.
I've always been paranoid with Blake and my GF still talking in secret since she's always mentioning him and saying things about him on purpose to piss me off, but she also always promises that they stopped talking and never do anything anymore. 5 months later today, she comes up to me and asks me if over the summer while I'm gone, she can hangout with him since he was always nice to her and was a lot of fun. She's promising me that nothings going to happen between them and that they're just going to be walking around and hanging out outdoors. This is a big no from me, but she keeps begging me saying she won't do anything with him and that I should trust her. All of her friends are saying I should trust her, but all of my guy friends are saying to not let her hangout with him.
Im super stumped at what to do. I told my GF to please not talk to him or hangout with him and that any other guy is fine since I can trust all of her other guy friends since I know them closely, but don't know Blake that closely.
Maybe I'm being petty, but I really don't want her hanging out with her EX alone over the summer.
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RIGHT
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95waj6kf7yXui2P4cC5NCYo0UG5Bvdcc
|
b9y41y
|
{
"description": "going off on a Kroger employee",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for going off on a Kroger employee
|
Context: girlfriend got her wisdom teeth taken out, so we go to Kroger because we need to get soft foods and her prescription, we do this to try and hit two birds with one stone and get her home and resting as fast as possible rather than going to a pharmacy and then a grocery store. While there my girlfriend starts feeling like she's going to be sick, I go in to the girl's bathroom with her and start taking her gauze out when a kroger employee comes in to use the bathroom and starts yelling at me for being in the girl's bathroom. To prevent a scene and diffuse the situation we walk out of the bathroom and go to a water fountain outside the bathroom. The kroger employee walks out and gives me the stink eye, as I start changing her gauze she passes out and faceplants in to the floor. People start staring and I hurriedly get her up and conscious and she says she needs to puke. I take her in to the bathroom, and as I start to go in the bathroom with my girlfriend the same employee comes and yells at me again, except this time I am entirely ignoring her running around trying to get paper towels frantically. (I am 20, and she is 18, we have never been in this situation and have absolutely no idea what im doing) whilst I run around like a psycho this employee continues to yell at me. "Sir you can't be in here, sir this is the womans bathroom" "sir she can be in here but you cant" This is while my girlfriend is holding on to the toilet for dear life, this woman gives no fucks. I've fucking had it, I turn around with bloodshot eyes and scream along the lines of "THEN CALL THE FUCKING COPS, SHE JUST PASSED OUT FACE FIRST AND IM NOT FUCKING LEAVING" followed by some other choice words, none of which attack her personally. But this employee is RELENTLESS, she agrees to look after my girlfriend but I am still told to leave the bathroom. My girlfriend explains when I left the employee just stood a good distance from her and watched her, a simple "you ok?" after a couple minutes was all this employee offered her.
​
5 minutes pass of me pacing outside the bathroom, more angry than I physically knew I could be. I walk in the bathroom, get her and walk out.
​
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
X3WMzPs96RMJrX2suhFTUUqU3L4k24I5
|
a0kurd
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my gf of 7 months",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my gf of 7 months?
|
My girlfriend and I had been dating for a while and she really liked me and to her it must have seemed out of the blue for me to start talking about breaking up.
In the beginning I really did like her but as it neared the end of our relationship I became less interested in her romantically.
Obviously I still care about her a lot, but when we broke up she said some harsh things and blocked me from all communication.
I feel like I may have made a rash decision to break up with her because she really liked me and was heartbroken when I told her I didn’t want to continue dating. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
hBncrlqLcWkmceZWFisN708jcq18t0j8
|
amgcjc
|
{
"description": "pointing out their itinerary is full of tourist traps",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for pointing out their itinerary is full of tourist traps?
|
I've been talking to someone from Indonesia who wants to have her dream trip to Europe this summer. I live in the Netherlands myself and that's one of the countries she wants to visit. She sent me her itinerary and I noticed it's filled with tourist traps. These places no local would ever visit because only stupid tourists go there.
I'm not talking about the Colliseum of the canals of Amsterdam. I understand you need to see those things once in your life. I'm talking about these specific expensive novelty bars and lame attractions and destinations that locals know they suck.
WIBTA if I would explain this to her? Without her asking for it? It's HER dream trip of course, and I wouldn't want her to enjoy her trip less by following my advice. Hell, tourist traps wouldn't exist if the majority of people wouldn't enjoy them for some reason. She's a bit of a bubbly girl who just wants to have a by the numbers Eurotrip, I guess. I have the feeling she would be perfectly happy doing the tourist trappy things.
I don't want to be the jaded know-it-all. I feel like I'm being a snob.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
W8cemS12uyYd3jH1P2h7mPN1TFGwcbui
|
9t5psz
|
{
"description": "not wanting to meet my mom's boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to meet my mom’s boyfriend?
|
There’s a lot of backstory to this. Over the last 30 years, my mother has been married and divorced 5 times. Every time, she rushed into it and hardly knew the guy, and things blew up within a year or two. The last 2 marriages were in my teen years, and both husbands were abusive. In both cases, she let a guy that I had met once or twice move into our home after dating a very short period of time (3-4 months), which, as a teenage girl, made me extremely uncomfortable. Once she moved us all the way across the county. I met the guy one time before we moved. In all cases, I was vocal about how I felt, but every time she told me about how “this time is different”.
When things inevitably crashed and burned, I had to be the adult and help get us out safely. It was really traumatizing to have to literally pack up and leave my home while my moms abusive husband was gone for a few hours, or to try to get him to let go of her during a fight.
I’m 26 now, and my moms last divorce was 2 years ago. It was a really shitty one. I figured she had learned her lesson, and she had sworn off dating (which she had done multiple times before).
Back in February/March I noticed she was acting different. Very upbeat, almost manic. This was definitely concerning because it’s usually the first stage of a new relationship. She was talking about her boss a lot, which was weird. After a few weeks, I put 2 and 2 together and asked her what was going on. She told me that they were just spending time together but nothing official was happening. He was separating from his wife of 30 years.
Fast forward to June. She sent me a text that she had sold her house and that she and her boss were moving in together. I was disappointed but not surprised. They had been dating 3-4 months at this point, so pretty much right on track for her. Of course, “this time is different” and so on. I politely told her that I hope everything works out for her, but that I wasn’t ready to meet him yet and I would let her know when I felt ready. She was okay with that.
In August, my SO and I moved to a new city because I got a new job. It was really exciting for us and we decided to have a casual “housewarming” for family and some friends just so they could come check out the new place. My mom invited her boyfriend without asking me, and when I told her that I didn’t feel comfortable having him there, she got upset and didn’t talk to me for weeks.
A week ago, my SO proposed (yay!) and obviously everyone is super excited.
Now, my mother is trying to force me to meet her boyfriend, probably because she wants him involved in the wedding.
I absolutely don’t want to meet this guy any time soon. He’s still legally married FFS. I’m trying to be as polite and respectful as possible, but my mom will not drop the issue. Am I the asshole for wanting to stay out of her relationship for once?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
DmFI3M2kZaC5XDsQZTFRHnby10EHsvQ6
|
amih70
|
{
"description": "snitching on a coworker",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for snitching on a coworker
|
So to give a little background, I am working 2 jobs while getting ready for my wedding (woot woot) one of them is a kitchen job that is my main job and then I work at a gas station/subway on the side.
This story will take place at the gas station. I try and stay out of everything, I try to just be a good worker and keep my head down but one of my coworkers let’s call her Jane, is so toxic that nobody ever wants to work with her.
So the other day I came into work and Jane is already there along with our GM and another worker, who leaves after I’ve clocked in, within five minutes of being there Jane is already talking about how she’d been “ripped a new one” for being 4 minutes late. (Our GM is pretty strict and everyone knows this) I just nod my head and get to work this isn’t the first time she’s bad mouthed him and I just tend to ignore it. So I start working on stocking shelves and other things like that while Jane is on the register, GM has gone outside to make a phone call or something so I guess Jane felt save to start talking about him. She straight up start shit talking about him to some random customer! I couldn’t believe it. As I said before I just want to do the best I can and stay out of trouble, but I felt obligated to tell the manager what happened and he said he’d have to take the issue to corporate. Am I the ass for telling him what happened? Should I have just not said anything.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
n62wz0f2p60RPlIewXoU2eQdTvSthwEA
|
aoddd9
|
{
"description": "not cleaning the equipment I use at my work's gym",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for not cleaning the equipment I use at my work's gym?
|
The building I work in has a small gym. Its nothing fancy; there are a few treadmills and ellipticals, a weight rack, some weight machines, etc. It is a pretty basic spot, and its not widely used; It is free and open to anyone who works in the building, but as far as I can tell, traffic is really limited to like 15-20 people a week.
Here's the thing, there is no cleaning supplies anywhere in the room. There is a sink, but no paper towels. There are no towels, spray bottles, rags, ANYTHING. Now I'm familiar with gym etiquette - clean the equipment that you use, but what are you supposed to do when there are no supplies? So when I'm done exercising, I just leave. I don't wipe down anything, I don't disinfect, because there is nothing to clean WITH.
This one woman is also a regular there, and I see her almost ever night, always running on the same treadmill. Apparently, she brings her own cleaning stuff, clorox wipes or sometimes paper towels and some sort of spray, and she will wipe down her equipment with it. And she will shoot me really evil glares when I leave my equipment after using it. Recently, she has been staring at me and scoffing when I'm done walk away. Its getting to the point where I can swear I can hear her mutter under her breath about how I'm so rude for leaving the equipment dirty.
Am I the asshole here? Yes I'm leaving the equipment all sweaty, but there isn't anything for me to clean it with, and I'm not about to go purchase clorox wipes on my own to clean equipment that like, 20 other people max in the entire building use.
TL;DR Small gym at work doesn't have any cleaning supplies, so I don't clean the equipment I use. A woman is being really passive aggressive about me not cleaning the equipment I am using.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
zmJhMfNi8lzjWHgvJTXIGFznuKl3QXfS
|
akkez0
|
{
"description": "flipping out over spaghetti",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for flipping out over spaghetti
|
This just happened. My brother and I live together. Almost everything we split 50/50. Our place has two refrigerators, one in the kitchen (the main one) and another in the basement. I'm trying very hard to lose weight and the best way that works for me is to not see any sugary junk food around, otherwise it haunts my mind. So, I moved all my food into the basement fridge and informed my brother about this. I tell him the main fridge is all his and that I have a goal to stop opening or looking inside of it. He typically has ice cream, pudding, donuts, and similar stuff in there. The basement fridge is slightly more inconvenient. Ownership of the fridges are also split 50/50, so he seemed cool with that.
Yesterday, I cooked whole wheat spaghetti that's been sitting around forever. I told my brother he's free to eat some. Afterwards, I finish cleaning up and I put the leftovers into the basement fridge.
The next day, I open the basement fridge and see the spaghetti is missing. I ask him if it's in the main fridge. He says it is. I ask, "Could you take it out for me?" He says no. I'm flustered by this but I ask again politely, "Please, bro. I'm trying to take the fridge thing seriously." Reluctantly, he gets up and goes to the main fridge. He's giving me shit and calling me childish the entire time. Im waiting around the corner because I dont want to see inside the main fridge. He opens it and holds the door. "Take it," he says with his arms up and eyes wide like I'm crazy. I explain that I don't want to even look inside, but I suspect he's trying to test my resolve or something.
He refuses to take it out and I just explode at the top of my lungs, "TAKE IT OUT!!" I was actually a bit shocked about how loud I was. I'm usually quiet and reserved for years at a time. Anyway, he takes the spaghetti out, gives it to me, and then flips out on me saying I'm crazy and childish and that he doesn't give a fuck about my goal. We argued so hard that I felt lightheaded and he said he might throw up. It was intense.
I seek wisdom.
AITA?
I want to add that we both have plans to move out on our own in the very near future, and we are usually not in each other's way about things.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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EVERYBODY
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
UcCKL3M4cod2IfhvhdNog4zzGVZw2u1d
|
a6dves
|
{
"description": "being frustrated with a friend for constantly bailing on dnd for poor time management skills and for his attitude",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being frustrated with a friend for constantly bailing on DnD for poor time management skills and for his attitude?
|
Disclaimer: Every person mentioned here, including myself, are second-year college students (19-20), and as the title says, this involves Dungeons and Dragons, so if you need me to explain any of the DnD jargon, I can happily explain (though hopefully the sentiment is apparent without too many definitions).
Also, writing on mobile at 3 AM, so please bear with me. I apologize in advance for my many-word-itis. **TL;DR at bottom.**
So, as a semi-novice DnD player myself, I thought it would be fun to kick of my Dungeon-master career with my group of friends at college who’ve never played before. We sit down one night, I help them craft out their characters, and that’s about all we have time for. Cool, no worries.
For the first couple of sessions, I spit out some random one-off adventures, like they have to break out of prison, fight some goblins, investigate a spooky drug mansion, etc. It seems as though everybody is having a good time, and so am I. I enjoy seeing them have fun in their characters.
It’s important to note at this point that as a group we did not have what many DMs call a “session zero” — effectively a pre-campaign sit-down where we discuss our expectations for playing together - how heavily we role-play, how we want to schedule it, and, most importantly, attendance. My thought was that, since it was a modest group, we’d schedule for when we would all be there, because I thought we were all equally invested in the game and were willing to make time for it with our college schedules.
So I decided after the first few sessions that I wanted to do a real campaign, like a fully-blown months-long, continent-traversing campaign with evil gods, cults, and the whole shebang. As you can imagine, this takes a lot of planning, determining the plot points A through Z and how the characters will hop from point to point, creating NPCs to fill the world, creating the environment and buildings, and all the rest. If you don’t know, rest assured it’s a lot.
Just as we’re picking up steam in the campaign is when this whole AITA situation comes in.
Basically, one of the players continuously gives excuses for why he can’t play the game. It’s things like “I have a party I’m going to,” or, “I have an exam/paper I need to study for/work on,” or others. The former is a matter of priorities, which I will get to later, but it’s the latter that frustrates me to no end.
You see, I can understand if you have an exam or paper to work on. There’s even another person in the group using this excuse this week, and I completely understand, as she’s overworked and stressed and wants to do well. That’s fine, I get it.
But this guy, he’s a procrastinator like you’ve never seen. Like, writing a 10-page final paper the day that it’s due. Putting off work until the last ten minutes. Not reading assigned readings for his classes and acting like he had (this last part doesn’t really matter to me but helps paint the picture of him).
So I already don’t have a speck of pity for him complaining about papers or giving me excuses for not being able to play DnD, but then he has the audacity to send a Snapchat to our group the day before DnD was scheduled of him going on a trip to the nearby harbor (about a 20 minute bus ride) “because he was bored” for the afternoon, when he had cited an essay due Sunday as the reason he couldn’t play with us.
Rightfully (or so I thought), I was pissed. At this point it seems clear to me that he has shitty time management skills and clearly would rather go (alone) on a casual trip to the harbor than finish other work early to spend time with his friends playing a fun game.
To put icing on this metaphorical cake, when I originally asked him why he couldn’t join us, his response was word-for-word “I think the answer to that is pretty obvious lol”, and after his harbor escapade we mention getting dinner and he says “I’m getting pho with [insert club group he’s in] because you all never want to get pho with me.” At this point, I’m internally fuming, because there was such an air of apathy for the game that I care about, that I put a lot of effort into making fun for him and the others, and I just couldn’t stand it, and then he berates US for not wanting to do something HE wants to do.
So, in typical me fashion, I vent about it to my friends over dinner, saying that he was being disrespectful of me and the effort that I put into this game, and that he clearly doesn’t want to play and should just tell me, and that I have no pity for him if he can’t be smart about how he spends his time.
I’m immediately met with arguments from my other friend about how I’m overreacting, that I can’t control how he spends his time, that I’m being over dramatic, that if DnD isn’t his priority I shouldn’t care, and that I should just let it go (I will say it was the second time I’ve ranted about this particular issues to them in two days). Meanwhile my girlfriend, who hates confrontation, sits there awkwardly and eventually leaves the table early, telling me later in a phone call that “I just don’t understand why it’s such a big deal to you.”
So they basically say that I’m a dick for being frustrated at this guy for having a shit excuse for not playing DnD and having an even shittier way of delivering that to me. I thought his attitude was super disrespectful to me and my hobby, and I’m pissed that he doesn’t give the same consideration and sacrifice that the rest of the group gives to play the game that, as far as I’m aware, everybody enjoys playing.
So, I apologize for the long rant (make that third time I’ve ranted about this), and I humbly ask,
AITA?
**TL;DR — Friend says that he has a paper to write as an excuse to miss DnD, but then turns around and sends Snapchats of him going on an afternoon (~4 hour) trip “because he’s bored”. Also responds to question asking him why he can’t go with an attitude of “that’s a dumb question and you’re an idiot for asking it lol”. I rant about it twice to my other friends at dinner, but I’m the jerk for trying to control his time and being over dramatic over just a game.**
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
uPnzlBdX0yTq5KzGzWhWQfIaODY9pgqA
|
b6u8t6
|
{
"description": "calling my best friend out when he gets demanding or gives me crap that isn't warranted in my opinion",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling my best friend out when he gets demanding or gives me crap that isn’t warranted in my opinion?
|
TL:DR at bottom
So my best friend (20M, let’s call him Mike) and I are about a 2 hour drive away from each other because we go to different colleges. We see each other about once a month during school and much more during the summer. He recently met my new friends from college and Mike is CONVINCED they’re assholes, however, I have been hanging out with them for 6 months extensively and not once have I seen a shred of assholiness from them.
I’ve tried rationalize with Mike and truly see things from his perspective, and what I think it ultimately boils down to is Mike takes my college friends jokes seriously when in no way are they meant to be taken in a serious context. Of course this is subjective, but I don’t think it’s hard to see that the jokes aren’t meant to be offensive at all.
The issue is Mike now associated me with my college friends and says I’ve changed in dramatic ways and essentially have become someone different than the person he became friends with. Yes, of course I have changed after spending many hours with my college friends, but nothing that should create a rift between Mike and I.
Mike regularly points out faults he sees in me, and God forbid he ever admits any of his own faults. It’s very one sided when it comes to criticism, but when i do speak up and ask him “could it be possible that you’re in the wrong here?” (Of course with more tact and specifics) he gets defensive and even more critical and it turns into an argument. Suddenly it’s my fault we aren’t on the same page.
Another thing worth mentioning, Mike prides himself in his “instincts” always being correct so if he feels a certain way about something (even if he knows nothing about the topic), it’s indisputable fact to him and he will take his claims to the grave with him. He does not trust anyone’s subjective input but his own and it’s causing heaps of issues and I simply cannot give ground when I know without any doubt that I am in the right.
This whole thing is putting a massive stress on our friendship and I think I have identified the issue as Mike not even considering being wrong, especially when it comes to subjective interpretations.
How do I go about this? How do I tell someone who thinks they know everything that they aren’t always correct? Any input is immensely appreciated.
TL;DR: after moving 2 hours away for college, my best friend for years has become very critical of me and thinks he is in the right no matter the situation
|
HISTORICAL
|
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RIGHT
|
U8gtn80clCCrtkVORtiGqJ5Tyx0CoKbm
|
aqt6af
| null |
AITA over being mad at girlfriend for how valentines day turned out?
|
So I \[25\]M have been dating my girlfriend \[24\]F for about 9 months, and am currently visiting her for valentines day for a week as I live 4 hours away. Today she had work whilst I was just chilling in her apartment complex and surprised her with flowers and chocolate. After she got home we went out to get pizza and came back to her apartment complex because she has been having a rough few weeks with her flat mates..
So she didn't get me anyhing for valentines day which is fine that doesn't bother me, but what does is that she went over to her other friends house to watch a movie with one of her flat mates and doesn't seem interested in doing anyhing with me for valentines day..
AITA for being mad at her for not being interested whatsoever in doing anyhing with me for valentines or even wanting to spend a little bit of time with me to watch a movie even when i tried suggesting watching stuff but would rather go to her friends house with flatmates to watch movies there...? Yes i was invited but didn't want to go because I'm quite frankly pissed off
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
a4iky6qLdbUoTGj9OW260Fif4FeYTdtc
|
b873i4
|
{
"description": "turning my lamp on to get dressed while my roommates are still sleeping",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for turning my lamp on to get dressed while my roommates are still sleeping?
|
I live in a small dorm room with two others. I have a class three days a week at 8am, so I get up at 7am to brush my teeth/wash my face/get dressed etc. Today was the first day of my new class schedule, so I woke up at 7am, left the room to brush my teeth and wash my face, came back and turned on the lamp in my desk. Because of how the room is set up, in order to avoid the light, anybody in bed would have to turn over to face the wall. I kept my lamp on for light as I got dressed, got ready to go, and then turned off my lamp and left the room. My light was on for maybe 20- 30 mins total.
When I got back from class, both of roommate were gone. When one of them came back, they said ‘Hey, can you not turn on your lamp in the morning anymore? It wakes me up every time and I can’t fall back asleep.’ Normally, I would completely understand and apologize, and work to find another solution. However, this roommate consistently keeps their lamp on their desk on until 3am, keeping my other roommate and I awake.
I told her that I need the light for getting dressed and for getting ready at my desk, and she said ‘you have a flashlight on your phone, just use that!’. She kept talking over me when I was trying to tell her that I didn’t think that was going to work, so finally I said that I would try it the next time I had class, but wasn’t going to guarantee anything. She then said maybe I could look into getting a dimmer lamp instead of the one provided for us by the school in the dorms.
This roommate isn’t very considerate of either of us that live in this room (giggling until 2am, when all of the lights are off and we are both clearly trying to sleep, refusing to take out the trash, etc), and we have done a lot to accommodate her sleeping schedule. She goes to bed very early in the morning (anywhere from 4am- 6am), then will sleep until the afternoon, once sleeping in until 5pm! During this time, I make sure I am keeping quiet as much as possible, I don’t open the blinds or turn on any over head lights, but my desk lamp if I’m working at my desk. When she says ‘it wakes me up every time’ I know she means when I turn my light on around 9am on weekends or days where I don’t have early classes too. I don’t think it’s fair to ask me to get dressed in the dark, or to sit in the dark until she wakes up so I can finally do something.
The school year is almost done, and despite this, she’s a very dear friend of mine and I don’t want to cause a huge problem if I’m being an asshole. I just want to see if I am causing a problem, in which case I will work to finds another solution. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 15,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
mLDuv8Hsg7fyi2313SzIHRsXd8tx90r7
|
a2ezkc
|
{
"description": "finding these comments about interracial relationships made towards my girlfriend and I a bit creepy",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for finding these comments about interracial relationships made towards my girlfriend and I a bit creepy?
|
My girlfriend is black/Arabic and I am Caucasian. We love each other very much but some of her friends seem a bit weird they keep saying about how her and I will have 'beautiful babies' that will be a 'lovely color'.
I am not thinking of children at the moment that will be something much later down the line but I find it a bit weird about their focus on the color of a baby that hasn't even been conceived yet.
I was hoping to take it slow and gradually with my girlfriend and I am a bit worried about all this talk about babies.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ReJjh4WlPCC8dqXrykxnDhvqdWfwmkvB
|
arbkmv
|
{
"description": "not tipping walkout food",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not tipping walkout food?
|
The title pretty much says it. I called in an order to a restaurant and I walked in, picked it up, and just payed the bill. I didn't tip, just Cus, and I've been thinking about it since. I feel really guilty cus I know people work for tips or whatever, but what am I supposed to tip if I don't even interact with a server? So am I an asshole for this? I feel like one after reflecting.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
wdpj1XKdm0Rw3vYVtKzK7damiLUZpAZP
|
af1b0u
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriend that I would maybe leave him if he started smoking pot again",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling my boyfriend that I would maybe leave him if he started smoking pot again?
|
For starters, I’m in a state where pot is still illegal. That’s a big one for me. Secondly, I’ve never smoked. I grew up being taught how terrible it was, and how it was a drug, and you just don’t do it. I’ve formed into that thinking and believing it. I hate the smell of it. I hate the stories of “oh we were so fucking high and this happened.” I’m probably just a prude. So here’s what happened.
Boyfriend works where there’s drug tests. He’s probably getting a new job which is a great opportunity for him, and I really couldn’t be more excited for him. However, it’s a job that he won’t be drug tested. He used to be a big smoker back in the day before he got his current job. Talks about how much he loved it and it helped with his anxiety and stuff.
I told him that I’m excited for him, but yes I am really paranoid and nervous that he’s gonna be this pothead again, and I’m just not attracted to that. So we started bickering about it and I finally just told him “do what you want, babe and if I decide that I don’t want to date a pothead, then I will leave.”
This infuriated him because I would throw everything we have away over him “occasionally” smoking. I told him it’s just my morals and standards and I was raised to believe it’s a drug and I don’t want to be with someone who does drugs all the time.
We never agreed on anything anytime we tried to talk it out and ended up going to bed angry with each other. Honestly, I feel bad like I’m preventing him from doing something that he enjoys and could potentially help his anxiety. But I just can’t get over how gross and unattractive I think it all is. So, AITA for not wanting to date a pothead?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
gECK8IlngLHMyYB7QOsEbfTSEFvbUzyY
|
arxf7u
|
{
"description": "needing to talk to a friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for needing to talk to a friend?
|
To be up front about this, I’m still frustrated by this situation. Due to this, I’m genuinely not sure whose at fault here.
Context: I’ve been friends with this girl for a little over a year now. We met at the local community college. She’s becoming one of my closest friends. We agreed If either of us needed to talk day or night, we could call one another.
What happened: I’ve been having a really rough weekend. There was a lot of family drama and it wore me out. I needed to talk/vent it out with someone. I texted her asking if she could talk sometime tonight. She said she was going to crash tonight after work. So I texted another friend to see if they could talk. Sadly, they couldn’t. Since those were the two people I felt comfortable talking about this kinda thing with, I decided to cry it out and go to bed.
I get a text from her wanting to know if I’m okay before she goes to bed. I answer no. We text back and forth for a couple minutes. She seeming distant at best. Since we agreed we could call and talk to eachother at any time if needed, I texted her asking to talk on the phone. I explained how alone I felt, how I needed to talk to someone and no one was available, and that I was crying. She responded with “I’m sorry. I’m going to bed.”
My opinion: This honestly makes me upset. If she needed to talk to me, I would’ve called her right then. In the moment, I needed someone to tell me everything will be okay. We didn’t have talk for hours. Ten minutes would hav been fine. Yet, she refused and made me feel even more alone. I understand if she wasn’t in the best place to handle this kinda conversation, but why communicate that? This honestly hurt my feeling a lot.
TLDR: Friend and I agreed if either of us needs to talk day or night, we can always call one another. I legitimately need to talk to her because of how alone I’m feeling. She, fully aware of how I felt, won’t talk to me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
NbKbMiQwd1H0FQBWysAie6Sa12PAqCBQ
|
b1n15q
|
{
"description": "asking my if my new girlfriend would shave *down there the first time I went down on her/saw her naked",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for asking my if my new girlfriend would shave *down there the first time I went down on her/saw her naked?
|
So a little bit of backstory, I guess. Me and my girlfriend of about two days had made out a couple times before we started dating but nothing too far because I wanted to wait until we were actually dating until anything more happened. So after a couple of days into our relationship I finally made a move and went down on her. I don’t mind too much if they’re not shaved down there, as it’s enjoyable either way, but I do have a preference towards shaving bc it feels a bit cleaner. After the event, I told her I thought it was important to communicate about things and preferences in bed, and asked her if she would ever consider shaving down there.
The mood immediately changed and she became pretty angry saying that she took offense to me telling her what to do with her body and that it was her right to do what she pleased with it. I agreed with her and tried pointing out that it was just a suggestion and I didnt mind too much either way, but I did have a preference, but she still seemed pretty upset.
Later, she texted me saying that it was “rude” and “disrespectful” that I had asked her to shave especially after the first time I had seen her naked/done stuff.
I guess I can see why suggesting it could make her uncomfortable, but I think it’s important to have these talks and open communication especially about sex. So AITA?
TLDR: first time I went down on my gf I asked if she would consider shaving and she didn’t like that
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
jA78s1W0iIvynxYQGq6HRrSD8ARqpbwM
|
al4jpx
|
{
"description": "not wanting my young children to go to bible school",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting my young children to go to bible school?
|
Long story short: my grandmother, who raised me, wants to put my children in bible school for the summer. I went to bible school every summer but I was sexually assaulted at bible school one year (as a child) and outcasted because of it. I’m now an atheists who just wants to not force religion on my kids, especially southern baptism. And especially since they ostracized me for being a victim. My grandmother doesn’t understand and thinks I just hate her God and religion.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
tonxAtRKC7WgxwN4SRRCog5xXXRGW5cq
|
aqkhjf
|
{
"description": "saying a bad joke to female friend",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For saying a bad joke to female friend.
|
So this 'friend' is a girl thats constantly saying that I am short and skinny for like 4 months in school.So this time when she told me I an little and skinny I told her-It was enough for your sister.She started crying and swearing and running to the bathroom and I turned out to be an asshole in everyones eyes.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
fsKakQQ2gmgxjTOqJDUuOobjJAGno6UH
|
ak7ucj
|
{
"description": "refusing to live in the same apartament building as my parents",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to live in the same apartament building as my parents?
|
Sorry if the formatting is messed up, I'm writing this on my phone. Also, It's gonna be long, because I wanna be as accurate as possible - so saddle on for the ride.
For context, I am a 27 years old PhD student, and I work 2 jobs( some days I work 11+ hours). Money is not tight, yet not that glamorous either. My father is older than average (75+ yr old), and has several health conditions, few of which he is refusing to treat. He is not disabled, but not that able to leave the house often, either. He lives with my mother, who is about 15 years younger than him and still working.
Right now I live about 5-7 mins walking distance away from my parents (important). I'm in the situation where I can't afford my current rent anymore, so I had to find a cheaper place to live. The one i did is a tad further, 20 mins walking distance away (or 15 by subway).
My parents are not ok with the place I found, and are currently trying their best to pursuade me to move into the same building they live in. They even offered to pay a third of my rent and all my bills.
I politely refused, and here's why: they are extremely needy people. Also, they have no sense of boundaries. Also, also, my mother is very controlling.
Here are a few examples:
(1) if they know I'm at home, they will randomly call me to go buy them things from nearby (e.g., cigarettes, bread), even though they are perfectly able to do it themselves; (2) they will insist on me visiting them daily if possible, no matter how busy I am, and get mad if I don't do so "because I'm only a few minutes away, why is it that hard?!"; (3) they ask me to show up in person if they wanna tell me stuff that can easily be discussed over the phone "because I'm not that far away"; (4) my mom generally likes knowing what I do and who I do it with, and is always criticizing the way i live my life - not sleeping enough, not eating right, not hanging out with good enough people, not having the right gf, not spending my money right, and so on. The only way I can do damage control on this is having my own space, that she can't access whenever she pleases.
Now, for the tricky part - my dad has severe health anxiety and agoraphobia, both of which he refuses to treat. I've tried all I could to get him treatment, to no success. If i make appointments, he ghosts. If I try to educate him (I'm a psychologist btw), he doesn't listen. If I bring him self-help materials, he doesn't use them... you get the point. Because of this, he is really scared to be alone and craves constant company. This is his main reason for me moving in - so he can *quote* "easily knock on my door whenever he needs help with something".
Now, I'm torn. I really want to help him, he's my dad and my hero, and I love him a lot. But I also wanna have some independence and be able to live my own life, without being ar my parents' beck and call, and without being financially dependent on them with my rent and bills.
This is why I very politely refused. Now my dad is really angry at me. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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