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j23CJSXwpRzWw1BvCsFurFMHauKu7W55
|
b32ymu
|
{
"description": "telling my friend's parents about her relationship as revenge",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA for telling my friend's parents about her relationship as revenge?
|
One of my friends has been dating this guy from her church for almost two and a half years without telling her parents. We live in a very small christian town and her parents are incredibly religious, so they wouldn't approve of her dating anyone, nevermind her current bf. He's 22, and she's 17. The age of consent here is 16, so their relationship is currently legal but it wasn't when they first started dating.
​
I recently broke up with my bf, which caused issues in our friend group because some people took his side and some people took mine. She took his and refused to talk to me. I was really angry because I thought we were close, so I sent her mom a message on fb about her bf.
​
She's really mad at me because her parents want to go to the police to break them up. I feel kind of bad because they seemed happy but I think it's her fault for getting involved in my relationship.
​
TLDR: I told my friend's parents about her relationship as revenge and now she's furious with me. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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rdt9sxJAiEnUAKmTkfnRVJiT5fpCIGC9
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aphod9
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{
"description": "turning the neighbors in for having dogs",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA for turning the neighbors in for having dogs?
|
Context: I live in some townhomes that are independently owned, but many are owned and rented out. We rent and the people next door rent as well (from different landlords). The HOA rules state that no dogs are allowed. We got an exception because I have a ten pound, very well-behaved dog. He barks when someone knocks on the door but other than that I doubt anyone in our neighborhood knows he exists. It’s important though that we actually have permission to have a dog. We didn’t sneak him past anyone. Most of the neighbors do have dogs. It isn’t a well kept secret, but it doesn’t bother us.
The neighbors directly next door, though, are starting to be a problem. They have two big breed dogs in a ting apartment. They only let them out on to a tiny patio. It’s the kind of dog we want- but refuse to get yet because they deserve (and need) a massive yard. When the owners aren’t home the dogs whine / groan all day. It’s a sad sound that makes my dog pace. For hours a day. When they come home they put the dogs upstairs and begin band practice.
Band practice is another issue. For a townhome with thin walls I don’t know why they’ve decided to practice here every night. It’s gotten louder as time goes on. At first, we were just like “well they pay to live here too”. But then it started going later and later and getting louder and louder. To the point where we can’t watch tv because we can’t hear it. We’ve asked them to turn it down twice and they’ve been very nice and complied. But I don’t think we should *have* to ask.
During band practice the dogs are even more worked up, too. They know people are home so they bark to hang out. And then get yelled at to shut up. The yelling makes it even worse.
I can’t really drown it out. White noise isn’t enough unless I’m wearing headphones. I shouldn’t have to wear those 24/7 in my own home though.
WIBTA if I turned them in for having dogs, even though I have one? I know it’d result in them violating the lease and being made to move immediately (or sadly giving the dogs up, which I don’t want- but they are not being cared for) while complaining about the music would be a slower process.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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anb1xn
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{
"description": "not wanting a traditional wedding",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting a traditional wedding?
|
TL/DR at bottom
My fiancé and I got engaged back in August. He gave me my dream proposal in my favorite place and totally surprised me. It was perfect.
I’ll admit I definitely had engagement fever and was dying for him to pop the question.
He is my best friend and my favorite person.
Now that we are engaged its all very really. I am still head over heels fir him and can’t wait to call him my husband. However, in the brief exploration I’ve done into weddings, I’ve realized how crazy expensive it all is.
As a kid, I always thought I’d want a bug fancy wedding. I’m realizing now that all I really just want a celebration of us. I don’t care about all the bells and whistles.
I’ve decided that rather than a traditional wedding, I’m actually more keen to the idea of eloping. I know my fiancé also likes this idea as we’re talked about it a bit.
Recently, he told me that he was told if we did elope we would possibly be disowned by his family.
They’re southern and pretty traditional. They’re good people and the one’s I’ve met are nice. But I also think it’s a bit unfair to expect all these people I’ve met once or not at all to be invited to this wedding and expect us to pay for it when it’s not what we want.
I want our wedding to be reflective of us and be what we want. Sorry, but I don’t think throwing a party for everyone else is a priority. All we want is a very simple ceremony.
I’ve even suggested and extremely small ceremony followed by a party of sorts. He thinks that still won’t cut it for them.
This actually really pisses me off. They’re not paying for it at all, it’s all on us and I don’t think it’s fair for them to threaten that on us when they aren’t contributing to our wedding.
So, AITA for not caring at all about being disowned by his family?
TL/DR: Fiancés family threatens disowning us if we don’t have a wedding rather than eloping.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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3lTmmbJDlrMPeEW9dZxIoEK0lptZjVOs
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b358s1
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{
"description": "wanting to be distant with my parents/family",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA If I want to be distant with my parents/family?
|
2 years ago my dad was being investigated for CP possession. 3 months from now he will be going to prison leaving my mom to fend for herself. She's financially able to take care of herself, but she still wants to live with me.
I don't want her to live with me because:
1. I am a 3 minute walk away. That's really the closest I want to live to my parents at 24.
2. She says she might need help in case she needs to go to the hospital and might have trouble filling out paperwork, but I don't see why she has to live with me especially considering she doesn't have any immediate medical problems; she's a healthy, able-bodied 50 year old.
3. My parents HATED my gf of 4 years before any trouble started because they thought she was beneath me and my gf hasn't forgotten that, so I know I would have to choose between them eventually.
4. Growing up in that household was just awful, things were not good before they got worse and I really don't want to be reminded of the past.
5. I'm frustrated with her because she's had 2 years to plan for the worst, but just kept putting it off.
I'm not talking about cutting myself off from my Mom, but it's hard to communicate with them because they're so deceptive and lie a lot and I can't stand it so I want some distance from them.
AITA? I feel like it because they're guilt tripping me pretty hard, but I really hate dealing with my family, especially with these latest developments. I'm emotionally and physically drained having to deal with my parents and there's honestly a lot of days where I can't even. Maybe I'm just blowing it out of proportion?
TLDR My dad is going to jail for CP possession and I don't want my mom to live with me.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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LTOc1xr7NTsW0naRCEzzRum1apPrg1Ov
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al1pi0
|
{
"description": "not telling my girlfriend the name of an old friend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not telling my girlfriend the name of an old friend
|
Early yesterday morning I got a friend request from an old buddy of mine. We’d been friends for years, and were quite close. He and I had a brief (no sex) fling (I was having one of my first manic episodes, and, with also being borderline, it’s not like it was that meaningful), which ultimately ended with an event I don’t know how to describe. Technically it was rape. I didn’t want the particular act, and I tried to suggest other acts and tried to wiggle away and “get back to class” but I never said no, due to childhood trauma making it very hard to speak up, especially when it would upset someone else. I don’t think he realizes what happened.
I was trying to process it, bc with it came CSA memories, and yesterday I talked to a social worker for the first time ever about a child I work with, bringing back more issues. I finally mentioned it this morning because I thought I was ready to work through it, but she demanded to know his name.
I refused to tell her, because it didn’t seem like her business and I have doubts and honestly, a week before he added me I had been reminiscing the friendship we’d had from 5th-10th grade. I was also scared of what she would do with the information, because she was so adamant on knowing.
I know this is long and probably doesn’t make sense, but am I the asshole for keeping who he is to myself? (I still haven’t even accepted the request)
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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lYONb0vFDiPgOeGtSmbaxTRsp0tpp3kP
|
atvvn9
|
{
"description": "never learning my friend's name",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for never learning my friend's name?
|
This is probably the most awkward experience I've ever had. When I was in my third year of university, I became friends with a girl in one of my tutorials. We would often sit together in class, get coffee afterwards, all that kind of stuff. We mostly just talked about our class but it was still nice and she was lovely. It was a year long class so this went on for a while.
For this entire time, I never learned her name.
Once we started hanging out regularly it felt like it would be too awkward to ask! So I would try to see her name when she signed attendance but her handwriting was messy. She also used a flip phone and had no social media so I couldn't figure it out through Facebook or something.
At the end of the year she left on an exchange and I went to a big university so I never ended up seeing her again. My friends joke that I was hanging out with a ghost.
I've felt so embarrassed about it ever since but I was too awkward to ask. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
QzEKqChiu3uMVl32CEqQyhRFTOmaRNOO
|
aowlkf
|
{
"description": "making a Michaels employee process a return",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for making a Michaels employee process a return?
|
I went to grab some polka dot stickers for my girlfriend's 4yo cousin's bedroom. I bought two boxes of 40 stickers, and one of the boxes was defective and only had one of the four sheets. So I went back to the location I purchased it in, but they were out, but validated inventory from another location across town.
So I go to the other store to process a return exchange from the defective unit, and purchase two more boxes anyway. The manager told me they couldn't process return from another Michael's: I had to go back to the original store to return the defective unit. So I bought the boxes and went to my car, but now I'm like 3 hours into this fucking sticker ordeal.
I checked the website in my car and the return policy said nothing about accepting returns at any store, but it did say to ask the cashier for a full copy of the return policy. So I went back in rather than driving across town and asked the cashier... Some events later; there is no official policy about location returns, but the managers boss told her not to take returns from other locations.
So then I was getting pissed because 1) they are already better off, I bought more stickers 2) she's borrowing authority from someone else to basically tell me to kick rocks and 3) it's fucking $10 worth of stickers (which is where I feel like an asshole for this)
Eventually I told her *calmly, "well then tell your manager that I was a jerk and refused to leave without a refund, because nothing in the policy..." and she reluctantly, shakingly, processed the refund, and made it a point to say loud enough for everyone to hear "I just hate being yelled at by men". To clarify, I didn't yell or get irate, but I was speaking sternly to her about the fact I'm not driving across town to return a defective product I'm buying for someone else just to abide by an arbitrary rule not enforced by corporate policy.
Should I just have driven across town? Was I an asshole? You decide.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
hZu5OxxGq6ZpAjoEPurf6raeTEAyKdD7
|
9yto5x
|
{
"description": "blocking my family on Instagram",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for blocking my family on Instagram?
|
Sorry if I go a little overboard with context. I am a 20 year old young adult. My immediate family lives 40 minutes away, any other family lives in a different part of the country.
I am not close to any of my family really, especially the ones that live away. I've never known them too well, I don't feel a connection to them at all. I am polite and have visited them with immediate family and have short chats on the phone if they call but nothing beyond that.
My aunt is very overbearing, especially. She does deal with mental health issues, and I sympathize with that (I'm not certain whether this is relevant so I thought I'd mention it), but where I barely know her I find the way she contacts me very uncomfortable.
She has sent me drunk texts for years about random things, usually trying to make me feel guilty about something. She tried to guilt me into getting my mother to take our whole family to their part of the country for Christmas at a time when money was tight by saying my grandmother was dying (I was shocked but turns out this was a lie) and asking me not to tell my mom she'd told me. I, of course, told my mother and learned this was false. So due to several interactions like this and learning she stole money from my parents and tried to guilt them over it, I'm not too fond of her.
Anyway, a few weeks ago I was drinking with friends and she started spamming my Instagram photos with likes and comments. I'd remove her comments, and she'd put them back within minutes. She didn't say anything of consequence but being drunk I just decided to block her.
She texted me within 20 minutes a huge text saying she was hurt and disappointed and she'd "stay out of your life since that's what you really want."
The next day, sober, I called my mom to ask what to do and she told me to ignore her. Instead, I decided to text her back and say it was nothing personal but I'd prefer to keep Instagram for my peers and facebook/text for family. She accepted this and replied that she loved me and thanked me for the reassurance. Okay, cool. I feel kinda weird that I have to reassure her? But whatever.
Then the past few days I've received multiple texts from her begging me to allow her to follow me again. I haven't responded to any at this point. In one she sent today, she said "I just tried to add you to Instagram but found no results and you're on [Uncle's] so could you please add me back....😟😇🙏🏻🤗😘". I promptly blocked my uncle, too, as I hadn't even known he was following me.
I hate dealing with this drama. I'm not trying to hurt her but I don't want her following me. This whole thing seems absolutely ridiculous and feels very middle school. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
1MC8FsZg3c83ywPmeJepyAT7GqQhQyvs
|
aghwlb
|
{
"description": "wanting to breakup withy g of almost 2 years because she's gone cold",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to breakup with (m27)y g(f31) of almost 2 years because she’s gone cold?
|
Our relationship hasn’t been perfect but I was deeply in love with her. We had not been intimate in quite a while.Recently, I was late getting to her to take her daughter to school and then getting her from work as well. I work overnight, had started taking online classes, as well as working out, and was just exhausted. It was an honest mistake and I understand some anger/irritation. But she was livid and shut down on me. Didn’t want to speak, refused to say I love you back and was just being an a**hole in general.
During the several days she acted this way I also caught her in a lie regarding some merchandise and putting a few clues together,realized she had planned to go out without telling me. I have no issues with her going out, hell would prefer it as she has been really crabby lately. Just would have wanted to know when she made it home.
After the weekend she decides she’s ready to be nice to me and we enjoy a day together. Everything is great but at the end of the day I just wanted closure on the last few days. What was going on and how can I never solicit this behavior again. She then exasperatedly says that I’m soooooo dramatic. Why couldn’t I just let the day go and that I always have to ruin things and bring shit up. I say no it was really just a simple question as I’m trying to learn how to interact with you but apparently you want to be able to do whatever, treat me however if I make you mad, and shut the hell up, leave you alone until you feel like interacting with me again. That’s not cool. I had asked several times what was her deal and had I done anything else to make her mad and the only response I got was the middle finger emoji. She says this relationship is exhausting and why do we even do this. I tell her relationships are work to which she replies that with me it’s 100% work. She says I just simply have an issue with the way she deals with things and she doesn’t see a problem with it. I respond that you couldn’t possibly see a problem because your way of dealing with things focuses on yourself and never takes into account how I feel. Sweeping things under the rug is not the way to deal with conflict and suggested counseling. She called me insecure and refused.
I feel that if I’m such a burden to her then we should go our separate ways. I haven’t spoken to her except to decline a request and don’t really intend to speak to her again. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
ZNLY0mWZwy95I1Nu3uXG2gJI2U8ijYJo
|
abwmrp
|
{
"description": "accidentally locking my father's cat in a room without food or drinking for 2 days",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA I accidentally locked my father's cat in a room without food or drink for 2 days.
|
I graciously told my father that I would feed his parrot while he was gone for a couple days. I didn't ask for payment. I considered it a family favor.
He laid out instructions in text form on what and how to feed the parrot, and he even followed up a couple days later asking if I had gone over. I told him I would go back over a second time and, and I did.
His house is a complete mess. He has stuff everywhere. I didn't volunteer to clean.
While I was over there, I took the liberty of moving the heaters around for three reasons: so the parrot would be more comfortable, so nothing would catch fire, and so the electricity bill wouldn't be so high. In this process I closed an open door to an old (and I assumed unused) bedroom.
He calls me AFTER HE GETS BACK, and tells me they have a cat. At no point during the instructions or the follow up did he ever say that he even owned a cat, let alone that it was in the building. He never told me any instructions for taking care of it.
The cat went without food and water for 2 days, because I closed the door on it. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
xzg8fZHHODuEFe6GFpH5eNcqigQPSUOm
|
alk7qe
|
{
"description": "wanting my boyfriend to take off his shirt",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA if I want my boyfriend to take off his shirt?
|
We have been together for almost 7 months. He refuses to remove his button-up shirt on this Uber ride when I want him to because I have to give him his sweater, and I would like to see, anyway. He usually takes of his shirt when we fuck or whatever, but he doesn’t want to right now. Am I the asshole?
Thanks for reading :-)
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
CDQRHfHyccZFbvxVKW6Y8xvfnD2QR3QB
|
asduub
|
{
"description": "not wanting to give up my job? because GF is depressed",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA For not wanting to give up my job? Because GF is depressed.
|
So my GF (30F) and me (31M) have been together for over 12 years now, and for most of her time with me she has suffered from depression on and off and has been manifesting itself in different ways every time.
Early in our relationship she wanted to become a teacher, I expressed my concern that It's mentally challenging but if shes really wants to i support her!
She goes though education 5 years, get a job and loves it and after 3 years crashes into a combination of depression and burnout.. First they tried half-time but it didn't help, panic attacks and anxiety started to manifest every other day so shes on sick-leave for 3 months and has no energy to do anything most days...In short.
Me I'm going to a different path, after a electrician education goes thru military training, get a temp-job as a security guard and stay there to clime up the ladder so i get a full-time job at the best position in the company it took 6 years to get where i am today.. And i love it! Basically I sit at a reception during nighttime and play video-games with friends thru internet and scroll reddit and netflix :D It's the most lazy job on the planet and because its all nighttime i make above average pay and more then any of my friends have.
The only downside I work every other weekend and is 12 hour shifts.
This means 2 weekend a month she is home alone with our kid and I'm only with my family a few hours, it tough but it's my job and I have come to accept it.
She however doesn't, she thinks i should take almost any job that includes daytime and no weekends.. regardless of pay or working environment. Just because she needs my support during weekends. I understand it's hard but should i sacrifice all that I've worked for?
She gets mad every time we talk about it and starts to tear up.
Am not all that against changing my job but i at least want a job that i might like or I'm worried I might get depressed.
I'm trying to support her the best i can when I'm not at work, making dinner, cleaning, laundry. etc. But some days i feel like I'm the only parent taking care of my kid and my GF and the household all alone..
AITA for not wanting to help her? Everyone i asked just says it's a hard one..
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
2PtslTakbkET2JYK7iWTuY62fUqFtDvv
|
b26lz1
|
{
"description": "wanting to go to the nearby elementary school and ask them to turn down the speaker system that is echoing throughout the neighborhood or to at least stop shouting into the mic",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
Aita for wanting to go to the nearby elementary school and ask them to turn down the speaker system that is echoing throughout the neighborhood or to at least stop shouting into the mic
|
I live about point 3 miles from a elementary school and they seem to be having a event this morning and normally their events and the class bell does not bother me but I am trying to get better while I am currently sick so I need all the sleep I can get and I am debating going over to the school to ask them to turn it down or not yell so much that it echoes and can be clearly heard from about a mile or so away am I the asshole if I go over to a school and ask them to turn it down note in the past they stopped blasting the music during their annual jogathon event
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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WRONG
|
HtkpHUupzL3zqgVJbQzd41kj9pVzxsYh
|
anupw5
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go on another double date",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go on another double date?
|
TLDR: Me(27F) and my SO(27M) went on a double date and it was just okay, he thinks we should try again I think it’s not gonna change anything. AITA for not wanting to go on another date with them?
So me (27F) and my SO (27M) went on a double date on Saturday with his coworker (25F) and her fiancé (26M). This was our first double date with them. My first inkling that me and his coworker wouldn’t be lifelong besties was when she didn’t know who Ted Bundy was. To me, a lifelong true crime fanatic this was a bad sign for future topics of conversation.
About an hour in it dawns on me that she hasn’t asked me a single personal question about myself, while I’ve been asking her questions, laughing at her stories etc. being generally polite. She’s been talking about herself, her cats (I’m a diehard dog person) or talking to my SO about work stuff. Her fiancée at least tries to start a convo with me at this point but it’s brief.
Another hour goes by and she has finally gotten around to asking me what I do for a living. I answer and she moves onto how much she loves cruises and all the cruises they’ve been on. At this point I’m just waiting for it to end.
Fast forward to driving home with SO and I am completely honest and say that I found her self centered and didn’t see a future friendship happening. He laughed it off, said no big deal and I thought that was that. (For what it’s worth, he did agree about her being self centered and not being too interested in me)
Well, the other night my SO gets wind that his coworker is worried that I didn’t like her (this is a complete surprise to me) and because of this my SO would like to try another double date. I couldn’t hide the annoyance on my face and I could tell this hurt him a bit. His argument is that he still has to see her and doesn’t want to make things awkward at work. My argument is that I just didn’t jive with her and have very little middle ground and I didn’t see the point.
I asked him if he could recall one thing she asked me about myself or my life (besides what I do) and he couldn’t come up with anything. We just kinda left it there so now I’m wondering AITA for not wanting to see her again? HALP!
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
iMhM8dfa78hgITmAy7Gj90Q3y3YCabb7
|
arvkxx
|
{
"description": "not engaging in small talk over text",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for not engaging in small talk over text
|
Sigh. How to start? I consider myself a socially competent person; many might even describe me as "thoughtful." Despite remembering birthdays and volunteering to chat up all the elderly relatives at family functions, the one type of small talk I can't stand are rhetorical greetings. (best example I can find linked below ).
I met a someone at church and we exchanged numbers because I thought we could become friends. As expected they started texting me "happy Sabbath". Sigh. I replied with "happy Sabbath to you too". To which they responded with "thanks" and then the convo died.
This dance continued for 3 weeks before I decided to reveal my true self.
I explained that rhetorical greetings give me anxiety. I get that some use it as a polite conversation starter before asking for something - which is fine - but I'd rather no text if they didn't really need to speak with me.
Why? I'm programmed to be polite. If you text me, you either want something specific or you're lonely.
If you want something, go ahead and greet me and make your request in one text. Don't wait for me to do the stupid "I'm good. Sup?" It's a waste of time and quite honestly my hands hurt from being on the computer all week. (currently have BOTH hands in splints)
If you're lonely, have something to talk about. Don't make me do all the work. I didn't summon you, you summoned me! I couldn't be resting my hands while watching a video but nah, I'm here racking my brain trying to generate small talk.
My friend advised to not reply but that gives me anxiety. What if the person needs something? Not replying might make me appear busy or otherwise unapproachable. (I'm looking at you, people who text 'can I ask you something?' Bish, ask yo' question.)
If someone is lonely and awkward I don't want them to become depressed and more lonely because they think I'm too cool to chat with them.
Sigh. So finally, at the end of that long explanation, I typed "if you want me to know that you're thinking of me but don't necessarily need to chat just add 'no reply' to your rhetorical greeting"
They responded that every message is important and they never send empty greetings. Yeah whatever.
I didn't hear from them for 3 weeks after that. Just as I was about to feel like an asshole I received another "happy Sabbath" text. This time it was in a group chat. WTF.
Worse, my texting app isn't dynamic so there was no way to remove myself, only mute. This wasn't helpful because the chat rises to the top whenever a new message comes in.
Ish was so cringe. My friend would greet the group of 10 people but only 2 would respond. It was a long thread of "happy Sabbath". No small chat. After a month I asked to be removed from the group.
WHY YOU PUT ME IN THE POSITION TO BE A BITCH?? WHYYYYY
6 months go by and this friend has started with the happy Sabbath shit again. We no longer go the the same church. Twice I responded "thanks same to you". To which they didn't respond. On the third time, I didn't respond.
Now I have anxiety about being a dick. So Reddit, am I the asshole?
Should I block their number leaving email as the only form of contact?
Extra: I also don't respond to generic holiday and birthday greetings. Especially if you text me "HBD". FOH with that laziness. I also don't respond to my mom's rhetorical greetings. She's since learned to be a better conversationalist. I admit the mom thing is slightly dickish but I text her almost daily. Lol.
https://youtu.be/Y4vel6TdfJg
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
nLIF6pj63xSqlNHXhdbiHocc9UfKrlHv
|
b93q36
|
{
"description": "bringing it up to my boyfriend that he hasn't bought me a birthday gift",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for bringing it up to my boyfriend that he hasn’t bought me a birthday gift?
|
Together about 6 months, long distance. His birthday was a week before mine and we celebrated by meeting in Vegas. I got him a nice watch and a card. We had a great time!
I asked him for a card at the least, and told him the gift itself doesn’t really matter to me (it doesn’t). My birthday was about 2 weeks ago and he still hasn’t sent me anything. I brought it up to him today and it seemed like he got upset that I was asking. I just told him I felt confused about not receiving anything yet, and asked him to mail me a card. He said he totally forgot. But I noticed he didn’t apologize.
He’s been pretty wrapped up in himself lately, a lot going on at work and stuff. So in a sense, I get that. I’m not sure how to feel. Am I the asshole?
TLDR: boyfriend hasn’t bought me anything for my birthday and it’s been a few weeks.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
opFkuq0fTI0v5SSWlGZ3M8xZHMv028uk
|
ar93bq
| null |
AITA - S/O (m) has ‘let himself go’.
|
My partner (57 m)has progressively let himself go. He’s put in easily 40kg (~80lb) over the last few years, started smoking and goes around in bleach stained shorts and t-shirts with holes all over them.
I’ve gently spoke to him about it, I am worried about his health, and says ‘I’m trying’, then continues to over eat. I’m tired of people mentioning his weight to me. In terms of his attire, I admit that there are ‘working in the garden/on the car clothes, which are washed as usual, but have become his regular rotation. He’s on a disability and is unable to work.
I (48f), make an effort every day for him (and me), and despite most of my clothes coming from Target, I pull myself together reasonably well.
I’m starting to feel embarrassed by the way he has become and feel disrespected. I’ve asked him several times in passing if he’d given up and he dances around the question.
AITA ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
hGFrA2wbNez0vY5dZzeZpSDF1mARfKtE
|
acod0s
|
{
"description": "not wanting to enable my grandparents hurting themselves",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to enable my grandparents hurting themselves
|
Am I the asshole? For the past year, my grandparents have gone downhill. They truly need 24/7 care. But my grandfather is too prideful and stubborn to change thier situation. They don't want to move somewhere with assisted living. Thier insurance would cover a 24/7 nurse, but they say they don't want a stranger in thier home. My grandfather is killing himself trying to care for my grandmother, who has a degenerative disease and can barely move.
Six months ago, he is told by his doctor that he cannot drive anymore, so this means neither of them can drive. He gave the car to my parents. Since then, he has treated the family like a cheauffer service or Uber. He literally called me that. A month ago he changed his mind and took the car back. Half the time, they endanger others on the road and drive around. The other half, the call me or another family member.
This morning, I told them how much seeing them like this and in this self destructive situation is killing me, and that I wasn't enabling it anymore. This whole situation is what I'm gonna remember most about 2018. I don't want to spend 2019 watching them deteriorate and feeling like I'm not doing anything to truly help them. It makes me so sad to be around them, when they could have such a better quality of life. When they come up with a plan, I will help them of course. But I am not sitting back and watching them hurt themselves when that's not how it has to be. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
MatVIhEz0okyGBYyBa5pcwF9Kod4P0m4
|
anieof
|
{
"description": "calling a club owner a \"short little leprechaun\" and telling him that he would never find a girlfriend after not taking down a Facebook photo of me",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 19
}
|
AITA for calling a club owner a “short little leprechaun” and telling him that he would never find a girlfriend after not taking down a Facebook photo of me?
|
throwaway because some work colleagues know my real account.
Last weekend I (22F) went to a club with a few of my best friends. My friends all look absolutely gorgeous and get approached by men a lot. I’m going to be completely honest and say that I’m definitely not as attractive. I’m not overweight, but I’m definitely chubby, I’m 5’11, and I have a large, crooked nose and small eyes. I know I’m not that attractive, but I’ve come to terms with my cruel hand in the genetic lottery. Anyways, I never usually go clubbing, but it was my friend’s birthday. Let’s call this friend Eva. We were all dancing and having a good time when Eva approaches the club photographer and asks him to take a group picture of us. I hate taking photos because I feel really self-conscious, but it was Eva’s birthday so I smiled and posed in the group photo. Fast forward a couple of days later. The club posts all of the photos from the night, including our group photo. Literally all of the other photos had no caption, but our group photo had the caption, “Who’s up for a game of Russian Roulette?”. This was obviously alluding to the fact that I am ugly whilst my friends are all drop-dead gorgeous. Random people found the post hilarious and started sharing it on Facebook and tagging their friends. The photo had about 300 laugh reacts before I messaged the club’s Facebook page and asked if they could take the photo down. They told me to lighten up and that it was just a joke. I got really annoyed because they didn’t even apologize, so I messaged the club owner (his Facebook was public). He told me to “get a grip” and to “understand the humor of the situation”. Now, one thing about this guy: he’s quite short. Like, 5’1. He shares all of these Facebook posts about Tinder and how unfair it is to short men and how “fat landwhales can find a man easily”. So, I knew that his height was his biggest insecurity. But I was angry. So I told him to fuck off and told him that he would never find a girlfriend due to him being a short little leprechaun. Eva thinks I went too far, and she’s scared that our entire group will get banned from the club. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 27,
"EVERYBODY": 16,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 27,
"WRONG": 19
}
|
RIGHT
|
RdRicITJyMyw1dQgM57idtF7dOSN2NAo
|
a8rjri
|
{
"description": "threatening to cut my parents off if my mother tells my father something personal to me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for threatening to cut my parents off if my mother tells my father something personal to me?
|
So to set the stage, I am FTM transgender, but I'm not out yet, except for to my best friend. My mother is a social worker that works with kids and teens, so naturally, she has always been very accepting of me, and I know that whatever I do, she will support me. However, my father is the opposite. He is a frequently unemployed, emotionally/physically abusive jerk who makes homophobic and transphobic "jokes" all the time and makes fun of me for damn near anything I do.
I have been wanting to try and go on hormones for a while now, and I finally got the balls (heh) to make an evaluation appointment to hopefully get a prescription for testosterone. However, I believe I will have to come out to my mom before the appointment, as I am still under her insurance from her work. I don't have a huge problem with this, because I think she'll be fine with it, and not judge me or anything. However, she has been known to not keep secrets from my dad very well. One time, I confided in her that I was scared of my father, and she told him about it. This has made me slightly distrustful of how confidential our conversations really are.
So my plan is to tell my mom, on the condition that she keeps it a secret from my father, or else I will cut them both off. This would not be an easy decision, because I really do love my mother, and they are helping me pay for college, but if my dad knew about me being trans before I was ready and prepared for him to know, I think it would destroy me, because of his mocking, emotionally abusive behavior. His blatant homophobia and transphobic already strain our relationship, so it is imperative that he doesn't know, until I'm ready to accept what comes at me, probably when I'm in a more secure mental state.
TLDR: WIBTA for cutting my mother off if she doesnt respect my wishes of keeping my trans-ness a secret from my abusive father?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
Ooa8Z2cxolVmaD3HYDip7rMQLJyK63so
|
av26n3
|
{
"description": "taking advantage of a free lunch",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for taking advantage of a free lunch?
|
I go to a fairly small private US college. The food isn't bad by any means, and in fact I like it for the most part.
Come lunch time yesterday I order my typical Italian sandwich and go to the cooler to grab a drink. I set my sandwich down for a second when the wrapper unfolded. Lo and behold, [one of these little guys](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Green_stink_bug) was hanging out on my sandwich.
I then approached the counter where I got the sandwich, where the employee tossed it and made me a new one. I didn't think it was a big deal, I hadn't even paid for the sandwich before I noticed the little insect chilling on the cibatta. Before my new sandwich was even done the head chef approached me and said I could have a free lunch, anything I wanted, "sandwich, chips, drink, whatever", to paraphrase him.
Normally I get a bag of chips, a small soda, a sandwich, and perhaps one of those Naked smoothie things for later. I grabbed all that stuff atop a pack of Altoids and went to the cashier to be rung out for my free lunch.
This is where I started to feel kinda guilty about my choices. The typically kind and cheery cashier, who knew of the free lunch situation, told me that I'd have to pay for anything extra as she thought I was just getting the sandwich for free. I then told her that the head chef guaranteed me a "free lunch, whatever I wanted". She called for the chef to confirm, to which I didn't find it necessary. I was willing to pay for the extra stuff myself, but she had already gestured for his attention. After he saw what else I was getting, he confirmed it was ok (a little hesitantly), but the cashier's demeanor changed from cheery to begrudging.
A day later I still feel like a greedy asshole. I almost don't even want to go to that dining hall because I feel bad. Am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
SPaYcp9ZD9k6aaS7eCCMdNOMvQoJ3VwP
|
a1b6ff
|
{
"description": "cutting off a friend who won't stop talking about her sex life",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for cutting off a friend who won’t stop talking about her sex life?
|
I’ve been friends with this girl, let’s call her Gina, for nearly 20 years now but over the past 5 it’s become increasingly difficult.
I can never have a conversation with her without her bringing up sex or her own sexual experiences or suggesting it to me.
A good friend of ours died a few weeks ago tragically. I invited Gina and some other friends over to remember our friend who passed. During the gathering Gina said “we should all get laid it will help us feel better.” It made me and the others extremely uncomfortable. I replied saying, “Do you think this is an appropriate time to say something like that?” To which she said to me, “Your attitude is proof you need to get laid.”
I was livid but didn’t want to ruin the atmosphere or have the event turn into a huge fight. I ignored Gina the rest of the day and for the next week.
Fast forward to this past weekend. Gina came over to visit and asked how Thanksgiving was. Before I could reply she said, “I had the best Thanksgiving hookup and one night stand Friday night.” I told her that I was tired of her always talking about her sex life and that it’s been difficult being friends with her the past several years because I can never have a conversation with her without it being brought up. I also mentioned how I was still upset for what she said during the event which we were trying to remember our friend who died.
She got defensive and started insulting me. Calling me a prude, saying I’m “always mad at her” because “she can get laid and I can’t.”, that men love her and want to be with her, she can have sex with any man she wants even if he’s married, etc.
I told her to leave and that I needed to think about where our friendship would be after this year. She apologised and tried to explain but I told her the words she said weren’t acceptable and to leave my home.
AITA for cutting her off? Is this behavior normal or acceptable?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ZoXHP9UDtcktTzsg8cBtF2YU0dQDXP5x
|
adv28g
|
{
"description": "bringing a date to Social Function that included a Guy I used to date",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For Bringing A Date To Social Function That Included A Guy I Used To Date?
|
So back in Sept 2018 I started hanging out with this guy and we went on a couple dates. It was ok but I wasn't feeling the chemistry. I suggested that we stay friends as I did enjoy his company even if I didn't feel anything romantically. He shot me down on this, which I guess in retrospect wasn't too surprising but whatever I can't be responsible for people's feelings like this.
Then in mid-Nov he reaches out and wants to hang out, I figure sure. My friends and I go see a weekly movie so I invite him to join us. He gets along well with my group of friends and with me. All is going well.
Well, over December I met this guy and he's really sweet, nice, and I see things going far with him. Well last Friday (the 4th) we went to go see a movie and I invited the guy I've been seeing. Everyone was really getting along with him except the guy I dated in Sept.
He told me that it was rude of me to "rub his failures in his face" which I don't feel like I'm doing. I invited him into my friends circle, and with my friends (and most in general I assume) you share parts of your life!
Either way he's ignoring all of us, and obviously I know where I'm coming from, but perhaps I'm missing his perspective and maybe I'm the one that effed up here. So that's why I'm here.
TL;DR: Introduced guy I'm seeing to group of friends, including guy I dated for a bit. This guy isn't happy that I did so.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
nmyyHPZyvm87rLFdS1gg629T9NbDuDxY
|
ay2shf
|
{
"description": "postponing my alarm",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for postponing my alarm?
|
I'll just get straight into it.
​
At some point during the day, my SO informed me that (s)he had to wake up at 7 AM for class. I said that I was also planning to get up at 7 AM because I wanted to start my day early, although I didn't have to. Later, we watched an episode of GoT together. Afterwards, my SO wanted to watch another episode, but I said no since it would get too late (the time was 10 PM or so). We went to bed, cuddled, and had sex. (S)he then turned around to try to sleep, and I picked up my Kindle to read for about twenty minutes. Reading helps me fall asleep, and there's not a lot of light from the Kindle, but still it annoys my SO a bit (I understand this, but I think it's something one has to accept as long as it's not unreasonable.)
​
I finished reading at about 11:30 PM and put away the Kindle, planning to sleep. We then started talking for some reason (don't remember about what), it got a bit late (maybe 00:10 AM at this point), and I decided to postpone my alarm by 30 minutes and said this. After a few minutes (s)he got furious and rushed out of the room with the pillow and blanket to instead sleep on the couch. We then had a fight, and in that fight I certainly made mistakes (got angrier than reasonable et.c.), but I'm wondering about my SO's reaction.
​
(S)he thinks that I (essentially) was an asshole who "promised" her that I'd wake up at the same time as her, and then postponed the alarm, which she couldn't do due to class. Both of us agree that his/her reaction was over the top, but (s)he still thinks that I was wrong to postpone my alarm, and says that I should have held my "promise" to wake up early, even though I didn't have to. The argument for that is that "we both kept each other up", and so we should both suffer the consequences of that. I argue that my SO has some responsibility too, and had (s)he at some point mentioned that (s)he thought we should go to bed or sleep, the issue would be very different, but (s)he didn't. I did, on the other hand, by opting not to watch another episode of HBO. (S)he argues that a reasonable reaction from me would instead be to wake up at the same time, stay up until SO goes to school, and then go back to bed if I wanted to. I think that's ridiculous.
​
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 9,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
902NJEThbLb7wJaf2OyqZFcYjYzE2zoc
|
ao43q9
|
{
"description": "canceling my husband's party",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for canceling my husband’s party?
|
My husband has been planning a party at our home for about three weeks now, scheduled for today.
The past week, however, our house has also been pretty mess. I work full time, he currently does not work, so I asked him to clean it up and told him that I wasn’t comfortable with the place for company. I also told him that I probably wouldn’t help that much, because I would be working 6 of the 7 days leading up to the party.
The cleaning didn’t really happen. I ended up cleaning the kitchen for him, but each time I brought up the rest of the house, he told me that he still had a few days to go... and now this morning, the house still isn’t clean, he hasn’t done any shopping for party snacks, and I’m fed up with it, so I made him cancel the event the moment he woke up. He’s furious and told me that making him call it off the day of was absolutely uncalled for, and that telling him to clean our house was too much of a burden.
Am being unreasonable? Should I have just let it go and let him have the party, or sucked it up and cleaned for him so he could have the party?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
V0icSkQHVOfx8SJNUZSdi3jS6GIDNcCX
|
av51q0
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my gf when my only tv remote charger is lent to our neighbor and then lent to another neighbor without asking me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my GF when my only TV remote charger is lent to our neighbor and then lent to another neighbor without asking me?
|
We have mostly gotten rid of Apple products in our house (they aren't what they used to be) so we only have the one charger which I use to charge our Apple TV remote. The remote has died and that's when I found out my girlfriend lent the charger to our neighbor.
This is fine but then I found out that my neighbor has lent my charger to another neighbor. Still no problem. I asked the neighbor to get it back for us as it's the only way we can use our TV, and it wasn't just an extra charger we had laying around.
Nothing happens for a couple weeks, and I find other ways to watch TV. I ask my girlfriend to follow up with the charger and she basically says no and we should buy another charger.
I know it's just 10-15 bucks but the situation itself made me angry. AITA for being pissed with my gf (who is pretty amazing in every way) over a 15 dollar charger?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Q2hyjxMYEwiYAa8X4kLZOfmbykbLerdW
|
aygshj
|
{
"description": "overlapping romantic relationships",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for overlapping romantic relationships?
|
**TL;DR The end of my last relationship overlapped with the beginning of my current relationship. Girlfriend wasn't happy about it.**
I got into a dispute with my girlfriend 'May' a few days ago. I apologized and things seem to be fine now, but I still am left with a feeling of uneasiness about the whole thing.
She learned that I was still in a relationship with my previous girlfriend 'April' while I was beginning to see her. Some important points:
1) My relationship with April was in its death throes. By this point, she and I were seeing other people and kind of deciding for ourselves if our relationship was worth salvaging. April and I were both aware that we were seeing other people and were ready to accept the relationship ending if one of us wanted to.
2) Meeting May was a chance encounter. There is a strong likelihood that I never would have seen her again had I not set the ball rolling then and there.
3) I officially broke things off with April before my third date with May. May and I were officially a thing by the end of our fourth date.
4) April and I kept contact during this time, but she and I did not at any point meet nor did either of us have the intention to.
From May's point of view:
1) I was obligated to let May know that I was seeing someone else. April and I not seeing each other notwithstanding, the mere fact that April and I were still a "thing" was pertinent information.
2) In not telling May that I was seeing someone else, I was depriving her of the freedom that I had to see others. Even though May and I were not officially exclusive, there *is* an expectation that we *were* unless otherwise explicitly stated.
3) The way I handled things made May feel that I was "giving her a test drive" and holding onto April as a safety net if things didn't work out.
My thoughts:
1) I don't think May would've agreed to go on a date had she known that I was still somewhat together with April. Besides, I didn't think it would be pertinent information until she and I were seriously considering a relationship. Up until that point, both May and I were effectively single and eligible. It wouldn't have bothered me if she went on dates with other guys before we became a couple. I don't feel like I deprived her of anything more than the info itself.
2) I definitely did not see my dates with May as a test drive. I took the relationship seriously from date #1. That I was together with April is merely a formality.
In the end, I apologized to May. It's clear that whatever I did bothered her so I assured her that she could trust me. It seems to have made her feel better, and I'm glad.
But I can't help but wonder. Am I the asshole for overlapping relationships? If so, would there have been a way for me to not be the asshole *and* still date May?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
SwODjJONvhN58QwyFNpK3ktSC81ntpvU
|
ab3drs
|
{
"description": "calling a sick girl out",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling a sick girl out?
|
Okay. So this situation has been over for a while but I’m in need of some outside perspective as it’s still stuck on my mind.
Months ago I was dating a wonderful person that I loved very much and in that time he bought up that his female friend at the time once lead him on before dating his best friend. It made me uneasy that I’d known her for a while before finding that out.
I noticed that even though she had a partner, if I was with my boyfriend or if he told her he was busy with me when she wanted to see him she would go a bit manic. To explain she would lash out at him saying he didn’t care about her and that she was going to commit suicide and that it was his fault etc. she’d constantly be paranoid and say really messed up stuff to him.
Around this time I tried to ease the tension she was putting on him by being there to support her so she’d lay off my boyfriend. In conversation I mentioned that I wasn’t going to lie but that I was made somewhat insecure about her behaviour with my boyfriend because he had a history with her (in that she would flirt with him, touch him etc) and her reply was “good” so I told her I didn’t want her to contact me again as I didn’t want that bullshit in my life or anyone who thinks it’s okay to make me feel that way.
I tell my boyfriend, he thinks it’s fucked up and ends up deciding to cut her off as well because she intentionally tried to hurt me and he knows this now.
She later blows the fuck up at me telling me I’m selfish, that my ex and I were inconsiderate and blinded and that all his friends hated me (which isn’t true. I was close with his CLOSE friends just not the ones she knew) and it really upset me that she pulled this on me.
When I broke down how manipulative and childish her behaviour is and was she threw her instability in my face and told me I was practically making her suicidal by saying what I did.
She still to this day believes that I genuinely am an evil person and she’s done no wrong and honestly it’s so far out and delusional to me that I’m afraid that I’m wrong at this point because others are starting to side with her. I’ve heard that it’s because of my “timing” of what I said to her but I literally did not reach out to speak to her. She reached out to me and I simply told her to fuck off and why.
My perception on the situation may be skewed because I suffer w mental illnesses myself and live by the code “my sickness makes me sick, not a cunt” and held her to the same standard. For reference I have schizophrenia and she has pretty bad anxiety so they are super different and I genuinely am scared I may be the asshole in this because of it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
TwMnkrpC2ueTMXgyBgb7N43ZUc2DoDVf
|
ah0747
|
{
"description": "telling a homeless man to go back to the train tracks before I put him there",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for telling a homeless man to go back to the train tracks before I put him there?
|
Context:
I am a 6'0 male I workout a little. Never been real scared of confrontation.
I live in a mid-sized southern city. Southern hospitality is big here and so is treating others with respect. Despite it being the south the city is very open-minded and accepting.
Our city has a VERY LARGE homeless population especially for the size of the town. Most of them are relatively nice but as is with any large population there will be some outliers.
Also, I am by no means a homeless hater (or maybe I am that's your call to make), but because I think this is relevant I'm going to mention it; just this week I have given $20 to a homeless man I thought really needed it and I received an extraordinary amount of food (Chipotle leftovers from an organization I'm a part of) and the first thing I did was walk down my street and gave some to the homeless community.
Story:
I was walking from my parking spot to my apartment, on the phone with my mom. I had one airpod in so it's likely the guy approaching me didn't see it (even though I was in the middle of a sentence with my mom). Encounter below.
Sam: "come here" (he's walking off of the train tracks I have to cross over to come up to me)
Me (on phone with mom): "no"
Me: \*continues walking 4/5 steps
S: "Fuck you what the fuck do you mean no?"
Me: "hold on mom." - obviously to my mom
Me: "I mean I don't know you and I don't want to know you."
S: "I was going to ask you where XYZ is"
I should note this has become an extremely common tactic in my city for the homeless people to come up to you and ask you where something is and then get aggressive once you don't give them money.
Me: "I don't know nothing about XYZ and I don't know nothing about you so you need to get gone."
S: "Imma beat your ass nigga" -he is black I am not
Me: \*stops walking\* "here I am what's stopping you"
S: "You need t-"
I cut him off
Me: "I'm going to tell you what you need to do you need to stop talking about whose ass your going to beat and etiher do it or get your ass back on those train tracks before I put you there."
S: "Fuck you fuck this I have a home to go to"
Me: "Man I know you don't. I saw you come off those train tracks get lost."
So let me know reddit AmITheAsshole?
P.S.
If you need anymore details ask and I'll respond!
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
|
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|
WRONG
|
4Arhakb2HERgKhKW5CuF9h9P4MvamV5R
|
at01a3
| null |
AITA Mother Punishing For Lying
|
(English isn't my first language so pardon the grammar)
So this requires a little backstory, my whole life I've dealt with parental issues. Thankfully now, at 16 I have gained some independence. I understand I have more freedom than my other peers but I feel it was mostly out of necessity. I have been working since I was 14 and did little under the table jobs for neighbors much before that point. I also tend to lie a lot and only really to my parents- I never tell them how much money I have or how many hours I'm working due to some issues I've had with them stealing from me. Long story short of that particular issue, I bought a car and my dad lied to me and told me it needed about a thousand dollars worth of repairs it didn't need which I paid for, and then sold the car behind my back which cost me about 4,000 dollars .And for the other half, my mother insisted she hold on to my savings that I earned (\~2000) and then spent the money behind my back and told me it was fine because it went towards my groceries even though Ive bought most of my clothing and groceries for years now. Thats just the tip of the iceberg though, there are identical stories like these for all the things I lie about. Some might say that its still not reason to be as secretive as I am but to me it feels like self defense. So when I got into a romantic relationship last year it was kind of a given to not tell them since I knew that there would be lots of judgment and over all mean things... At this point I am sexually active. I lost my virginity and am in a very happy supportive relationship. I educated myself on all the risks and have used protection every time. I think that Im mature enough to be with someone and thought it was right for me. All was going well until my mother found a used condom when she went through my trash (something I see as an unreasonable violation of privacy) she has now prohibited me from seeing my boyfriend, whom she thought was a friend, and Im grounded for the indefinite future. I don't think this is fair as its a personal matter that isn't a requirement to share with your parents as long as you are being safe. However if you do choose to share it it should be received as supportively as possible. Since then she has told me I wasn't mature enough to be in a relationship and I don't have enough life direction ECT. Sure this is just me vouching for myself here but considering how much I've cared for myself over my life, I transport myself everywhere, pay for most everything, handle all my own schooling, and am involved in a fairly intense climbing program all of my own direction I kind of hope Im somewhat mature. Also considering how most all of the personal information I've shared with my parents has been met with ridicule I feel like I was correct in keeping it private. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
CHKT7P2qW7td6AR2ps8n4K0KLgHA8TgX
|
aymrjt
|
{
"description": "not recycling for money",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I don't recycle for money?
|
My roommate wants us to start recycling our cans at the local grocery store that has a machine where you can dump in cans and get points on a debit card thing for the grocery store. His idea is that we use the money as a slush fund for cleaning supplies. Frankly I don't it's worth the effort for a few reasons. We have to drive a ways to get to that specific store. The recycling area floors usually have spilled beer from the cans all over. Lastly the place typically has a line of homeless people to wait behind who collect and recycle the cans in the same way. I can just put our cans in the recycling bin in front of our house and let the city waste management guys pick it up. If my roommate wanted to do it himself I would say go for it and I don't care what you do with the money. But he wants me to alternate trips with him on a regular basis. I don't need this extra money and as far as I know neither does he. WIBTA if I stand firm and say I'm not participating?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
qPw6a18V3x3Gsuphslg1ar8bfOtRPKhm
|
a606xy
|
{
"description": "rejecting a game someone bought me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for rejecting a game someone bought me?
|
On mobile, so please forgive any formatting problems. Also rarely post threads.
Best friend in the world and I are avid gamers. Known each other 18 years. Over half our lives. I own a gaming PC, XBone, PS4, and a Switch. I only use the consoles for exclusives, and PC for anything/everything else that has a PC release. He knows this, and has for a few years now, since I got the gaming PC.
Today, he asked if I like old school type RPG's. I say some yes, why? Says he wanted to get me a fun one, Doom and Destiny. I tell him I own it and the 2nd one on PC already. I say this twice in the conversation. I then get an email saying that he gifted me a copy for XBone.
Told him I'd never use it because I already own the game, again, twice. I don't even currently have my XBone or PS4 hooked up. Haven't in a couple months. Now I feel like an asshole for telling him I'd probably never use it or redeem the gift and he wasted the money, but I did make it known that I have it already, and that my consoles are for exclusives only. AITA?
NOTE: None of this was said in a rude manner or anything like that, I've always just been paranoid that anything and everything I say gets heavily scrutinized, even if literally no one cares lol
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
7WwLmJR10VbpahDwg3G9fO4vLHPwBvyU
|
ai3ky8
|
{
"description": "speaking my mind about a disabled person I know to my boss",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I speak my mind about a disabled person I know to my boss?
|
This looks bad...
I probably am...
,
There is this person we will call Robin. Who was on team with me and my co-worker. Sadly, they have a cognitive disability which makes them difficult to cooperate with, they tend to say things, socially unacceptable, which to a point you can sympathize with but to another point you are inevitably caught between having to understand and trying to get work done.
They don't work well in teams, myself and a colleague were matched with Robin to work on a "project". I was tasked as the project manager, This was bad as Robin seems to direct anger and dislike at me... I asked boss not to do this and all he said was "your the most patient, please bare with it".
Robin would refuse to do any work under me. I asked my colleague, Jacob, to try talk them into doing the tasks and it worked once but then robin would refuse to do what he said as well. Even simply scanning 2 pages took Robin an hour... I know for a fact they are more capable, when working alone. They were like this when working in a team with someone before. I ended up just siding Robin tasks that didn't matter too much if they were done or not and I felt awful at this but we were on a short timeline and if we took one hour to write up a colourful to do list with pictures on it and then another two hours everyday to encourage Robin to do things then this project was doomed and we'd all get our heads bitten off.
This project was for a relatively big client and we only had a few weeks.
It was basically just me and my colleague who did EVERYTHING. We pulled all nighters and slept at work to do what should have been a four person job... But we did it and were very proud of the result... the boss was aware this was happening too as we asked for help and advice... I think he was scared of any consequences of higher ups.
Robin shouting things is awful too. She misheard a conversation OTHER people were having and turned to me (Who was opposite of this conversation) and shouted "I cant believe you said that "IamTrash" you're a RACIST", which shit me up because my bosses' head shot up and looked me dead in the eye. And I, panicking, snapped "Don't say thing like that, I said nothing, dont get me involved!"
That's a brief inlook to four years of working with Robin. I like them as a person but i cant handle working with them.
Fast forward to now, i am in a way better job, central and feeling pretty good and Jacob and another colleague are at the same place.
I got a message from Robin asking for connections to work there. I said there was none when i knew our director was asking if we have any mates who can help out on the team. But i want to add that i know Robin on her own does not have the knowledge to use the equipment we are using without help and assistance... which you can't get here.
Somehow... Robin must have emailed or applied, and got the interview...
Our boss dont look at stuff here until the interview, i know this because they asked me for my CV, and portfolio on my interview day.
So here is the kicker... I'm planning, if my boss asks me, (as i guarantee Robin has messaged to say they know me and Jakob) to say to my producer that Robin doesn't work well in teams and hasn't enough experience or ability for the role she's applying for.
I've talked about his with Jakob, a lot. I'm scared of the repercussions but if Robin comes here for work I'm worried that it will change the dynamic, that I'll be bunked with them, they'll shout more awful things out and worse I dont want to be saddled with extra work again, god forbid there is enough as it is... etc I feel awful but i dont know what to do.
In short...
Tldr: WIBTA if I tell my boss about my bad experiences with a disabled, potential employee who I feel is not fit for the role and have emotional bias against.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
3cYyPpseHXn9giWcws5RZZ0kAqvbLwnr
|
b27qs6
|
{
"description": "not visiting my best friends first",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not visiting my best friends first?
|
I recently returned from a 3 month trip and my friends wanted to see me right away. I have 2 groups of friends that I mainly go out with (a group of girls and the other of boys) and they don't get along, but I tried to prioritize my girlfriends this time because i feel closer to them. So we tried to plan spending an entire day together but everything was cancelled because my mother wanted me to visit my family first, they were understanding when I told them and agreed to reschedule.
However, I went to visit my relatives and it didn't took as long as I thought it would and I ended up going back relatively early, so having already planned to reschedule with my friends I didn't wanted to change plans so suddenly and thought about going out with my other group of friends just a couple of hours (because they were having a small gathering and asked me to join them).
Now they (girlfriends) found out because someone uploaded a IG story and they're mad with me for not going out with them first, Am I the Asshole?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
WUgQFiSU6BpmAQbMbS8JRUBIsMtr2hWf
|
a3se8l
| null |
AITA for what my friend texted my now-ex?
|
Backstory; A few months ago, my (now ex) out of nowhere told me she wanted to take a break, to focus on herself and school, and that she didn't want us to text for a few weeks. I was hurt by this, we had been dating for about 10 months. Time had gone by, with little talk between us. After a month of not texting nor talking, we met up at a restaurant to talk. Here is where we officially broke up, and where I found out she hooked up with a random guy at her college while we were on the break. When she told me, I felt hurt because, while we weren't talking to each other during the break, I thought we were going to get back together after. This is not to mention I'm a paranoid and anxious person.
I told my friends that she hooked up with a guy, and they got pissed at the fact that she did that. We talked about it, and decided I should talk to her about how I felt. They were more mad than me about it. I waited a few hours to do it, out of nervousness, and right when I was about to talk to her about it, I found out one of my friends had already texted her. He accusating of her cheating, and saying "Bitch that's fucked up". I got mad at him when I found out he texted her, because I wanted to actually talk about it in a respectful way and not insult her; I have no bad feelings for her. She got really upset, apparently, as her friend texted me on a rant, accusing ME of accusing HER of cheating and spreading it around. Her friend also told me we had broke up (which we hadn't.. we were just on a break. Unless they are the same thing?), so that it "AIN'T CHEATING HOMIE". Her friend then told me to back off, and a few minutes later I was blocked on all of my now-ex's social media accounts.
AITA in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
kJAK0AI9XkLbkTTr2QsA5tTFws7QZIoB
|
abfctd
|
{
"description": "refusing to buy fireworks for a party at my house",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for refusing to buy fireworks for a party at my house?
|
Originally me and my friends were going to have a New Years party at one of our friends house but that got cancelled due to family coming over to his or something.
I mentioned to my friend (let’s call him Jay) that my house might be free since I thought my house was going to be free since parents were going to my aunts house. I didn’t say if it was or not just that I’d see.
He then starts making plans in our group chat with my house as the venue. I said sure since we didn’t have a place yet but I figured I’d probably have a place. But I didn’t want to even mention it yet due to my family’s tendency to cancel plans and the fact I hadn’t confirmed anything yet.
The next day my parents plans are switched and my aunt is coming over to ours. I tell my group chat that my aunt will be over but that we could still crash in the lounge ( we have two lounges.)
Jay starts getting annoyed saying I’m confusing him and changing plans not too much I can say to that so i said well if you don’t have a better venue it’ll do.
Jay then says we should buy fireworks for it. And in the group chat says oh flarebomber can buy them. He just said I’d get them without asking me. (Only two of us are old enough to buy fireworks but I figure parents wouldn’t mind if we were paying)
When I joint the group chat and read through I’m annoyed at jay since it’s twice he’s kind of just assumed that I can do things house and fireworks.
I say I don’t really want to because I’m already sorting the location of it out someone else could do fireworks. Normally I’d be fine with doing it since it’s not a big deal but I was annoyed that he had just assumed I would do it.
We started arguing over it I was being a bit stubborn in not wanting to buy the fireworks because I felt he wasn’t contributing anything (neither were other) he kept saying well your the host so you should sort it out. I was saying that I don’t want to be host then because I’d only planned to have it when my house was empty but since we were out of time and no other places I left my invite open.
He then goes on a rant about how I should have just said no to the whole thing then and how I was being lazy not buying fireworks.
AITA in this situation?
The above is the part I want to know if I was being an asshole on but I’ll carry on to finish the story for the interested.
Anyway at 5 pm today he says oh I can’t come anymore. ( he was originally going to drop off 2 other people) because his mom was taking the car and going out with friends. (He said he d get here for 7 to help set up)
There was only going to be about 10 people it was a small gathering so with 3 people not coming some more people said oh I’m not coming and then everyone cancelled.
Meanwhile I had already set up the room bring chairs and tables and a tv down.
I was confused why he was suddenly cancelling I offered to pick him up and the other people if people still wanted to go but he ignored the message and others said oh guess not then.
I look on snapchat and I see on a mutual friends story that he’s at their house party with some of the people who said oh I’m not coming anymore.
Jay never told me about the party neither did the other people. And the house they were at is still a fair way away that they’d need to drive to get there.
Me and jay have had our snapchat maps on with each other for awhile and he suddenly wasn’t on it and neither were the friends st the party. Idk if I’m being paranoid but it just feels like they all wanted to ditch me.
I think I was being a little stubborn but I didn’t think I deserved being ignored and ditched like that.
Me and jay have been best friends for like 6 years and even though we’ve got into fights both physical and mental, this easily hurt the most.
Not looking for advice just figured people might want to know the ending. Or at least where it’s got up to.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
BmuQj2JTYd8gvj5orwM2LFdbWBu8sc7Z
|
b0f7w2
|
{
"description": "telling my sister I would not donate a kidney to her",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for telling my sister I would not donate a kidney to her?
|
Excuse format and grammar. No native on the phone. TLDR at the end.
I would like to preface this by saying that I have a very good relationship with my sister. However our family has a history of kidney problems so we were discussing what would happen if we ever needed a kidney.
As she has type 0+ she can receive a donation from a 0+ or a 0-, that would include me as I am type 0-. However I can not receive from her. So I said I would not donate to her. The main reason is not because I want reciprocation but because I think I have it much harder and I dont want to risk being on a waiting list if my other kidney fails. Also she can do hemodyalisis.
She was visibly upset and maybe I did not worded my thoughts appropriately. Please I want to know if I did not consider other reasons.
An important note. 0+ accounts for 40% of the population but 0- is only 7%. That is why I will have it much harder if I am ever waiting for a transplant.
TLDR: I am 0- my sister is 0+, so she could never donate a kidney to me, I would not give her a kidney because if she ever needs one she can do hemodialysis, and she has a higher probability than me of finding a donant.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
dF6d8pLn0IVNxqrPUlQ0FhpdZK42Vli2
|
ad0zky
|
{
"description": "not telling my girlfriend about a previous sex partner",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA not telling my girlfriend about a previous sex partner?
|
I had a fwb that I would have casual sex with regularly, but I decided that I wanted a relationship and she couldn't give that to me. I met with an ex-girlfriend and we decided that we wanted to get back together, so I stopped the fwb. I didn't tell her about the fwb but, at the same time, she never asked me about previous relationships/partners either. Now, a couple days later, she asks me if I had seen any other girls and I told her I had casual sex before we got back together. She flipped out on me, considers that I betrayed her and she's ran off crying. I tried to comfort her, but she doesn't really want to talk to me .
I just didn't think it would have been appropriate to bring up, but since she asked I couldn't lie to her. Am I the asshole for not telling her about my situation before we got back together?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
9ArfDl5K0Kl6iQ2CarBnj2Ra0fcw0bbu
|
b9dxwa
|
{
"description": "telling my overweight coworker to go on a diet",
"pronormative_score": 91,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for telling my overweight coworker to go on a diet?
|
My coworker, Annie, is a very nice person. However, this niceness is just on the surface- she does things that are just awful sometimes, that show her true colors. This is just one example, but I'm afraid I may have taken things too far.
Annie is about 250 pounds, I believe. She has a daughter in high school who, three months ago, weighed 115 lbs, and is 5'8". Annie came into the office three months ago boasting about a new 'program' her daughter had started. As I listened, she divulged the full details.
Annie believed that her daughter was getting fat and lazy (the girl does track and field, and cheerleading, and ballet, and is an academic badass), so she forced the daughter to take all of her life savings (a couple thousand dollars that her daughter was going to put towards her college tuition, considering she's a senior this year) and give them to an organization. This organization will weigh her twice a week for 3 months, and she has to lose 10% of her body weight by the end of those three months. If she has, she gets her money back, minus a fee. If she hasn't, she loses all of her money. The only thing the program gives her is a diet she has to adhere to, that consists of very little nutrition, basically requiring that she starves herself.
I asked Annie if this was her daughter's idea or hers, and she proudly took the credit.
Over the last three months, Annie's daughter has come into the office, looking more and more sickly every time she comes in. The last few times, she has looked absolutely exhausted, and I was worried enough that I called CPS- they did a home visit, but it seems nothing came of it.
Annie's daughter succeeded with the diet, and now weighs less than 100 lbs. She is severely underweight, and is injuring herself, and seems sick all the time, but Annie is very happy with it. I am only a few years older than Annie's daughter, and the girl confided in me that her mother took her money that she would have gotten back from the organization, and now the girl is afraid she'll have to take out more loans than expected to afford to go to school. At this point, I was incredibly pissed off.
So the next time Annie started boasting about her daughter's weight loss at work, I asked Annie when she was going to start the program. She looked startled, so I continued, saying, "It seems like this weight loss program really works. I'm sure you have the cash to do it, and if it can work for your daughter, surely it can work for you!" I said nothing about her being overweight, but the implications were there. She laughed it off, and brushed it aside.
Since, she hasn't mentioned it once, nor has she spoken to me, and her daughter hasn't come back to the office. AITA for snapping and making that mean comment? I do regret it, but at the same time, I'm very angry that she would force her daughter to lose weight while making no changes in her own diet, when she's the one who needs to lose weight.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
F5or3QbV0QfgBxA1Fec3YZXsYAikreU3
|
a5fjgh
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{
"description": "not wanting to be around my boyfriend's sister and her bad habits",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be around my boyfriend's sister and her bad habits?
|
Long story short, my boyfriend and I used to heavily abuse drugs and most of our drug use together was done with his sister who is still to this day using....a lot.
During our time spent getting high we did reckless things and even had an ongoing war between the three of us, her against my boyfriend and I. A stupid war of stealing important stuff from one another, talking a great deal of shit about each other but still managing to get extremely high together.
That is until my boyfriend and I decided to go treatment and get clean. During my time in rehab I realized that even though his sister did some petty shit to us and the other way around, I still considered her family and wanted the best for her, because really she's just as sick as I was when I was strung out and we had bonded over some similarities in our lives.
Fast forward to now, my bf and I have an almost one year old daughter and we're both still clean. We have our own place, he's working, and life is the polar opposite of what it used to be. She on the other hand, is what their father likes to call a "train wreck" and I believe it. This girl doesn't sleep for days on end and never stops going. It's exhausting even thinking about. Anyways, the bf and I try to see family as much as possible because we think it's important for our little to be around loved ones. That is until his sister comes around. I really don't want to be around his sister anymore. She's a major trigger for me and I just don't want our daughter around someone who is constantly high. The family knows she is like this but make comments to us about inviting her over and how maybe our daughter will be what motivates her to stop using. I don't want her coming over. I dont want her bringing her drugs in my home I have worked really hard for. I don't want it around my daughter. And I don't want to be triggered.
So to compromise we have decided to take her with us to the zoo this Saturday. At the time it seemed like a good compromise considering we might not be triggered at a public place and she won't act like a lunatic in public, but now I'm having extreme doubts and I want to cancel even though she's super excited to see her niece, my daughter, and spend time with us. Am I the asshole for not wanting to be around her anymore, not until she gets clean at least?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
aphga5
|
{
"description": "calling everyone in the service industry \"sir\" or \"maam\"",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for calling everyone in the service industry "sir" or "maam"?
|
Am I the asshole for calling every waiter, barman, cashier, etc, sir ou madam (not in English but in the language of my country), even when they are visibly younger than me?
​
It's a habit I think I picked up from my parents, and it didn't use to be a problem when everyone I said it to was older than me, but now I'm 30ish, and I've been informed some people view it as somewhat pedantic / assholeish when I say it to younger people.
​
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
5Np2pNM2KhLw81tZ86qoUJSyYhmu8ZD5
|
ahelaq
|
{
"description": "spelling my girlfriends name wrong",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for spelling my girlfriends name wrong?
|
Ok so I got a calligraphy pen recently and have been practicing with it. I have terrible handwriting so I have been using the small amount of free time I have while doing other things like watching youtube, playing games, or cleaning and cooking to practice on whatever I have available. Things like post it notes, letters, paper etc. Well one night I was practicing but I was also playing a game called heroes of the storm. When you die in this game you have some time before you respawn generally 10 seconds to 1 minute. I use that small amount of time to grab the pen and some paper to practice. One of the words I spelled was my girlfriends name. I spelt it wrong.
Now, my girlfriend and i have been with each other for a little over a year and when I give her gifts and letters or write her name in any other was I spell her name right. But in practicing I am more focused and the way it looks and how quickly I can do it in my time I have left. Her name also has many variations of it and her variation is slightly odd. For example if her name was haylei, but I spelt it haylie. Or if her name was Sarah but i spelt it Sara. Etc. I did this and this last week she came and visited and saw that i spelt her name wrong.
Now i can understand being upset about it and i did apologize. She asked how I would feel if she spelt my name wrong and i honestly wouldn't care and told her as much. In my eyes it's not like I was very off of the spelling and I didnt do it with the intent to hurt her. I was just practicing my handwriting. But now we are two days into this fight and i am tired of apologizing and think it's kind of ridiculous that this is still continuing. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
9y8a48
|
{
"description": "honking at slow drivers",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for honking at slow drivers
|
Disclaimer: I really don’t care if someone is going even 5 mph below the speed limit, but anything greater is irritating and a safety issue.
So whenever I get on the highway to go to school about an hour away, I come across tens upon tens of extremely slow drivers. To get a sense of how slow they go, I will be in a 70mph zone and they will be tearing asphalt at ~50/55. This is ridiculous and completely unsafe, and so I honk at them. Am I an asshole for doing this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
kQHoUUdXijrGmcc90qRXQ9B02a9QAZmW
|
b1vth8
|
{
"description": "not wanting to draw for free anymore",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not wanting to draw for free anymore?
|
So I would say I’m half decent at art, compared to others my age. So as a joke a friend asked me to draw Undertale hentai (DON’T JUDGE ME WE’RE IN 7TH GRADE) and I thought it was funny so I agreed. He offered 20 kr (around 3 dollars) and the price would rise depending on how good it turned out. So I was almost finished when this absolute mad lad raised the price to 400 kr (45 bucks) for some reason, well i didn’t complain. So I finish my drawing and he accepts it. But then it takes him like 14 months to pay me. So now I usually don’t want to draw for him for free. Now he will often ask me to draw covers for the games he makes occasionally and i often do so because I thought it was fun. But now I’m getting a bit sick of it and I wondered if I should start charging (just like 5 bucks or something nothing crazy) so that he doesn’t abuse my help. So am I the asshole for wanting payment now?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
5RXxT1l2G69bcJdIyunPsWtNH509jTMY
|
atdacj
|
{
"description": "confessing to my wife I didn't fully like her x-mas gift to me",
"pronormative_score": 46,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for confessing to my wife I didn't fully like her X-mas gift to me?
|
During dinner prep/ I was tidying the kitchen, with my wife and our kids. I went to put a coffee cup away, that has my oldest kids hand print and my youngest kids footprint. On the other side say "Worlds #1 Okayest Dad". She said she was offended that I never use it. I confessed while I loved the food/hand print, the message on the other side hurt a little.
​
While it's meant to be a continuation of an joke from my Mom said I "turned out ok" despite every reason to not be.
​
Maybe this is just my own reflection of how I see myself, seeing what I think is a truth my wife doesn't think (she quickly said as much). During my first born's first months, my wife was unable to get paid mat leave (another short story), I took on an additional 25 hours on top of my full time (44) to be working near or above 70 hours over 6 days a week, coming home long enough to basically have dinner with them before him having to go to bed, all just to pay the bills. I felt like crap for the 8 months I had to do it, but feel like I screwed up and while I spend all my free time with them now (and work normal hours again), I feel like I lost something I can't get back.
So seeing a travel mug that says "Okayest Dad" just feels like a punch, to which I confess and I she seemed hurt, she responded with "so are you saying I don't pick good gifts?" to which I said I loved everything else, except the message. It wasn't discussed further as I was making dinner, and now I just can't tell.
Is she right to be made and should I just suck it up and use it?
or
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
hgeZmWSEKExXs2dEHXmrb0VfiJrkZ67S
|
aksx2o
|
{
"description": "refusing to pay an old debt",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for refusing to pay an old debt?
|
So this happened about 8 years ago and still has ripples of tension in the family.
My great-grandmother gifted me her old car. The car was a bit of a lemon, had several things wrong with it, but I was very appreciative. I put several thousand dollars of repairs into that car over many years. Eventually, it was getting to the point where I needed a new car. I asked her if I could buy the car from her so I can use it as a trade in for a new car.
She said sure and she was willing to sell it to me for the value of trade in and had me sign a napkin stating so.
As it turns out, the trade-in was only worth like $1000 because of the physical and mechanical damage. I told my grandmother that I was able to trade it in for $2500 because I didn't want to hurt her feelings and I wanted to repay her kindness for letting me use the car in the first place.
Well, about $1000 into paying her off, she passes away. About a week after the funeral, I get a notice from my Aunt who has been appointed the executor of the estate and asks what my plan is to repay the $1500.
I tell her the full story and politely ask if the debt can be forgiven. She gives me a very brash "NO".
When my grandmother passed she had no debts. She had about a hundred thousand in stocks and bonds that all went to my aunts on top of about $250,000 in real estate.
There was a lot of back and forth about "It's not about paying us, it's about her estate". My argument was "My debt was to her and she's gone.", and I fulfilled my obligation of paying her the trade-in value of the car.
After that, I got an email saying "You can either pay this debt or you can be out of this family." I told her politely to pound sand.
The tension dissolved over the years but it still gets brought up in passing occasionally.
Am I the asshole in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
heRT3VHm1xcwlSwcpEnurCuHoLFJ38oI
|
ba9p3y
|
{
"description": "not taking things further",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not taking things further
|
19 M here, I like to have connections with women, and like discussing stuff with them in comparison to men, because we talk a bit more about our life and our past experiences, and are more real with each other. I have many guy friends too, but the discussions usually revolve around games, sports, and girls.
In other words, I prefer to connect more with women. But most of the times, after I get to know women, they ask me out, and I say no. I prefer to be just friends, because I really don't want to get into the dating culture unless I'm financially set. Also once I date someone, I know there's a high chance I risk losing her from my life forever if we break up.
Some of my women friends also complained about me leading them on because I was very open and real with them, and hung out a lot with them too. But that's just how I prefer it. Dating would be a huge emotional burden for me.
So AITA for not taking things further?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
uZ5mbIDzvClHPIz6H6PfBUS2Y3O6Ancf
|
ask20q
|
{
"description": "telling my parents to stop threatening to give my cat away",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my parents to stop threatening to give my cat away?
|
This feels ridiculous, but bear with me. I really love this cat.
I am a college student. I live in a college-owned apartment and as a result cannot have a pet, but my family as a whole considers the family cat to belong to me and my sister. Following the age-old tradition, when we were kids my parents allowed us to bring the cat home on the condition that we took care of him, but my younger sister, who is still in high school, gets out of doing cat-chores as often as possible. As a result, my parents get up at 5am to feed the cat and empty his litter box probably 75% of the time when I'm not at home, despite it being my sister's responsibility.
Naturally, they are frustrated. Every time I come home for breaks, they threaten to take the cat back to the shelter because they're tired of taking care of him. They claim that they've gotten *very* close to doing so on multiple occasions, though they only tell me weeks after the fact. This makes me super anxious, as I'm worried that I'll come home for break someday to find they've gotten rid of my pet (whom I love very much, and they know that) without so much as giving me time to try and find him another home.
At the same time, this is an unfair burden on my parents, and while I do the cat-chores when I'm home, am planning on taking him with me as soon as I move into pet-friendly housing, and have tried all manner of things to get my sister to pull her weight, there isn't a whole lot I can do to make it better for them.
I'm really devastated at the the thought of my childhood pet going back to a shelter (he'd already spent years in one before we adopted him), but is there anything I can do without being unreasonable? Am I the asshole for begging my parents to hold onto this cat that I can't help take care of right now?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
H05qPfCFGOAuakAMYKtQF6LuZOKG46Nk
|
b6go1z
|
{
"description": "inviting my so on holiday",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for inviting my SO on holiday?
|
​
My best friend has wanted to go on vacation with me for a long time, and we finally planned to go this summer together. My friend will already be in that country for a few weeks due to other reasons, but I will join later on to travel together and eventually fly home together. At the same time my SO asked me if we could go on a holiday together, but I told them I already promised my best friend to go together but we could plan another holiday to a cheaper and closer destination. My SO got a bit upset and sad, since they would want to go to the same location as my best friend and I had planned. My SO did accept it, but I could tell that going together on my vacation would be something they wanted.
After this I talked to my best friend in just enquiring, not pushing at all, if there is a possibility for my SO to tag along. I emphasized if my best friend is not comfortable with my SO tagging along, i would not even invite my SO but in the talk it became clear it would not be a big problem for my friend. Sure it would be nice to travel together just the two of us, but understanding I have relationship, my friend has been kind enough to say if I invite my SO, my friend would just invite their own SO so it would not be a possible awkward trio holiday. My SO and best friend have known each other since before we became a couple, and get along quite well.
After confirming this again with my best friend, if they honestly would not mind me inviting another person, in which they reassured me its okay I thus invited my SO to tag along, which they gleefully accepted. However my best friend's SO does not want to go together anymore, which leaves the three of us again. I honestly could not think of a better way to spend my holiday than with my best friend and SO travelling together, but now I am getting worried how my best friend will not have the vacation they wanted and I will unintentionally wil make them feel like a third wheel or vice versa with my SO.
I feel my best friend would be the happiest if my SO would not tag along, since we in that case would be only the two of us which they wanted in the first place, but to be honest I do not want to de-invite my SO. I feel like both my best friend and SO will be worried about some arrangements, like seatings and sleeping arrangements. Am I the asshole for not de inviting my SO and wanting to take both of them?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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RIGHT
|
6c9EavYUz73UnizZOtjndhHza4W1ylqu
|
aoz32k
|
{
"description": "telling my gf to stop talking to her ex and asking her to stop going over to his house alone",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my gf to stop talking to her ex and asking her to stop going over to his house alone.
|
Okay so hear me out I used to be in a polyamorous relationship with my current gf, well soon the other dude she was with (a friend of mine) broke up with her for like the fifth time and by this point both her and I where done with the polygamy thing so I told her that if she gets back with him that we would be over. Well, he tries getting back together with her and she tells him that she doesn't want to lose me and that they could still be friends which I was totally fine with. Then some time goes by and he keeps hitting on her and telling her he loves her and that he wants to propose so I ask her to stop going over to his place alone without me cause one time the dude took her phone and started "touching her" (her account when I asked him he denied it), but I was still okay with them talk but recently he's been texting her every day saying that I'm so controlling and that she should leave me. He also said some grade A+ asshole stuff about me when I went to the hospital when I overdosed, pretty much he said something along the lines of that he wished I died and that when I get out of the ER he hoped that I would kill myself. So needless to say I asked her to block him but recently he's been threatening to report me to our school for "being manipulative and controlling" which I responded to by telling my gf that I would report him for harassment and show them the text in which he said all that bullshit. So judge me am I in fact the asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
pMszc2JEWsGjGU618vV6DReqmtqQ1eeb
|
aru0cj
|
{
"description": "screaming at my dad and vowing to never open up to him again",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for screaming at my dad and vowing to never open up to him again?
|
This happened a while ago, but it's eating me inside.
I have a dog shit relationship with my parents (my mom especially). Mom is abusive and neglectful, Dad is borderline abusive and is neglectful. I'm an adult now and I don't live with them anymore, so the bad stuff all happened when I was living under their roof. Since this is about my dad, I won't go into detail with what my mom did.
My dad denies that my mom was ever abusive and gets mad at me for making her feel bad. I have PTSD from how she treated me, and I've told him this. He doesn't care, it seems. When I got an abscess (basically a cyst on steroids), he took me to the doctor once. They didn't know the problem. The pain was so intense that moving an inch made me scream bloody murder. He seemingly didn't care and forced me to go to school every day. The only reason he called a doctor again is because I collapsed in the hallway and the school nurse noticed. He also makes fun of everything I eat, despite my constant telling him to stop. His comments gave me an eating disorder that made my BMI drop to 15. He also made weird sexual jokes and comments around me, and wouldn't let me go when hugging me and kissing my cheek.
So one terrible day, he asks me what's wrong because I'm crying in the car. After fifteen minutes of me refusing to spill it, I finally break because I want someone to cry to. I ask him if he's ever noticed how I eat in secret, don't eat a lot, how I've been getting thinner, etc. He says no. Finally it clicks and he says, "What, do you have an eating disorder or something?" I scream, "YES!"
His response is denial because I'm gaining weight and yada, yada, yada. I snap and say something like, "this is why I hate opening up to you! You always make it worse, just like when I tried to tell you about Mom!"
Again, denial. This is where I might be the huge asshole. He's being as calm as possible while I'm screaming at him, telling him how much it hurts to not have your own father protect you from abuse, how it's like he's dead to me, how he and Mom made me want to die, how he probably doesn't care, all this stuff that would make any sane parent feel horrible about themselves. After I lose my voice, I sob into my hands and apologize for yelling. I ask him to promise me that he won't tell my mom about my eating disorder. For some reason, whenever I have a problem, my mom thinks it's an attack on her, and she goes crazy. Like, kicking open the door to the point where I think she's going to kill me crazy. It'd also give her a new thing to insult me about. He knows this.
"I can't promise that," says Dad.
There it is. I feel like he doesn't care about me at all. He's willing to throw me under the bus, risk my safety. I look at him and say, "I will never tell you about my problems ever again." He says no, it'll get better, we can talk about it, it's just a bump in the road. I shake my head and reassure him that I will never open up to him, that he's lost his chance forever. I'm sticking to my word, no matter how much of a cunt that makes me.
Still, I feel horrible of denying him deep conversations and opportunity to help me. I honestly don't think he's malicious like my mom, but he's just apathetic. I've spent years opening up and trying to beg him for help, and it's just blown up in my face every single time. This was the final straw. Am I the asshole for giving him such a heavy blow to his pride as a parent?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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qXNjhxWq5SEbfC2iiyaIr2giiurHV1XN
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azcq86
|
{
"description": "not giving mom pics of myself in military uniform",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for not giving mom pics of myself in military uniform?
|
I won't give my mother pictures of myself in uniform. I'm sure she's proud of me and and she could show off the way moms do but the pictures themselves aren't the issue. I got upset about her demand for them and I haven't been able to swallow my pride and give in to her.
I separated from my wife 2 years ago. I kept kind of quiet about it, but it was public knowledge that we had ended things.
I live across country so I don't visit often, for Xmas usually. That Dec I was visiting and I noticed that my parents still had pics of my wedding and my ex displayed in their home. They may have thought that we would work things out, or maybe it was just something they hadn't thought; we weren't divorced yet, but we had separated for 10 months. I said that the relationship was over and they should take the photos down, as I found them inappropriate now.
My mom responded that maybe she would if I gave her some nice photos to replace them with; I thought this was a shitty thing to say to a valid request, but I didn't think she was serious about it.
Now I've been visiting friends and family for about a week and I see my parents again; I happen to see the pictures remain in place. I ask my mother about them again, assuming she forgot to take them down, but she replied that she already told me only if I gave pics that she could replace them with, me in my Uniform. This irked me, but we didn't fixate on it anymore.
Fast forward a year to this Xmas visit. The divorce is finalized. I've been in several relationships and now I'm seeing someone very seriously; my ex-wife now is a distant memory.
Prior to flying home I called my mom about my plans for my visit, asked if they had a bed for me, what days were good for dinners, etc.. When I asked about staying with them I made a joke about how it would be more comfortable this year since my wedding pictures were obviously gone by, now but my mom replied that they were still there because I never fulfilled her demand. I told her clearly why I didn't want them displayed and how it made me feel that having those pictures displayed isn't appropriate. I said I get her side but that it hurts me that she would continue to display them after I asked her to take them down. Most importantly I vocalized that she was manipulating me by trying to extort my emotions to make me bend. She seemed receptive to this.
Low and behold when I arrive the pictures were still hanging. It took everything I had to not just rip them off the fucking wall myself. I made a remark about them and I got the same response. Tension was high anyway, but I ended my vacation early and returned home. I haven't spoken to my mother since. She knows she's hurting me but she won't concede. I wouldn't maintain a relationship with anyone else if I felt like they were treating me this poorly.
I know I'm being prideful but it would hurt me more if I were to visit and saw images of myself knowing how my mother manipulated me to get them.
Am I the Asshole?
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WRONG
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AITA for wanting proof my boyfriend has changed?
|
The past year with my boyfriend has had major ups and downs. We are long distance and in different countries. In August we were going to move in together, but we got in a huge fight and I called the whole thing off. We have a long history of him calling me a cheater (never cheated) and I felt wildly unhappy moving to another country to be with somebody who continues to feel that way about me. I wasn't able to be there for the move in day for our home and this sparked that fight. We took some space from each other, and then he told me if we're not living together by Spring of 2019 then he's leaving. This made me panic and I said I'd try to find a home or something where I live and we'll make it work. He was on my ass about it and also on my ass about me visiting him again and I ended up freaking out because he kept making me promise I'd come over and over numerous times a day. I didn't visit and here we are now.
​
I've been going to therapy and my therapist advised I take some space and think about my problems and the problems with my boyfriend. We literally talk every second of the day on Skype, well anytime we're not working. This kind of is hard on me, if I don't drop what I'm doing to get on Skype he usually get upset with me. Either way I took some space, we still talked but things sucked because he was incredibly upset I didn't visit. He wanted to get married when I visit so he could get a green card and all of that. I said I wanted to, which I do but the manner of which things were going on made me really uncomfortable. I should have expressed this to him but I didn't, I just had a mental breakdown instead.
​
I've been going over our relationship in my head and there's been a lot of unhealthy things that have happened and he responds to a lot of things in a very pushy manner. Am I the asshole for refusing to visit him until he can show he's not going to keep treating me the same way? I asked for like a month of us being healthy and then I would visit. I just don't feel secure with where we are.
​
He tells me he can't trust me anymore because I didn't move in and I didn't visit him in October. I told him I understand why he feels that way, and I've tried explaining how he's hurt me and pushed me into things and it makes me really anxious and makes me panic but he says for us to continue I need to show I'm committed to him so he can have some trust in me again. I'm just tired of proving myself to him because of one reason or another. It started with me needing to do sexual things, then proving I'm not a cheater, and then even after I gave him half my belongings to move with him and paying the downpayment for renting a home and getting a visa, none of that mattered I always continued to get shit about him doubting me. Am I the asshole for being tired of proving things.
​
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AITA For My Lack of Empathy
|
Throwaway Account because I don’t want to be bombarded. I’ve been struggling, for lack of a better word, with this sentiment that is inside of me. After determining if I’m the Asshole, I may post additional details in Change My View in order to get more viewpoints. Feel free to attempt to change my view as well.
Back story:
Grew up in Middle Class America. My parents worked from nothing and earned everything they have, stellar examples. I was instilled with a hard work ethic and told that YOU determine YOUR quality of life. Prior to settling into my career, I’ve lived in a second/third world country for three years, lived across the country for a seasonal job, and lived pay check to paycheck. I’ve had as little as $15.00 in my account at times, I understand that feeling.
Through researching and deliberation with my parents, I decided to attend a community college. Got a two year degree with no school debt.
Followed my Father’s footsteps and joined the Blue Collar Company that he works for. I have full benefits, pension, and a salary that increases every year. Here’s the kicker, the company allows me to move horizontally or vertically. The higher I go, this Blue Collar job turns into a White Collar job. Oh, and they’ll pay for my bachelors.
I’ve gone from living paycheck to paycheck, to having an account that continues to grow. I budget and live within my means. I also got married and bought a house that we’ll be in for the next 5-10 years. Retirement? My pension will max out at around 80% of my salary by the time I’m done. I’ve also got some little side investments.
There’s a lot more details I could share, but the point I’m getting at is that I earned what I currently have. Heaven forbid I lose my job tomorrow, I could support my families lifestyle and find another job within 1-3 months.
Disclaimer - I may come off as a douche, but that’s not my intention. I am not intentionally bragging, I simply want to illustrate where I came from and what I’ve done. I am not a trust fund baby. Feel free to poke fun of though!
My “problem”:
I lack empathy for people who, by their own doing, failed to research schools, tuition, degrees, and careers. People now complain about “the system” when I feel that they forged their own fate.
Did you really think you could get a degree in under water basketweaving and then waltz into some big wig corporate job? Why do you feel like a company owes you a entry level job or internship?
You complain about your student loans, but YOU decided to live above your means and pay anywhere from $20,000-$80,000 for a university? Why?? Where does that make sense?
You work a low paying job, but drive an expensive vehicle. WHAT!?
Right now, I do not have empathy for you. Your choices have forged your fate. Now, your fate is not SEALED (you can change it if you want), and yes you are now at a disadvantage, but it’s due to your own choices.
With all sincerity, help me determine, see, and possibly change if I am The Asshole
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WRONG
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|
AITA For laughing at a 'suicide attempt'?
|
Using my throwaway because I'm pretty sure I'm about to be roasted.
I had a long distance boyfriend. We were on and off for a couple of years from ages 15-17. Yes. It's as cringey as it sounds. He was a year or so older than me and we were cringe.
The relationship was blatantly toxic. I couldn't hang out with guy friends without him crying on the phone to me. Big fits were thrown over me not being available all the time, if I was grounded and he couldn't reach me, if I was too busy to text.. And I put up with it because I thought he was the love of my young life and just troubled.
He threatened multiple times to kill himself. I suffered from a couple mental disorders and he told me he did, too. So I would stay on the phone for hours trying to talk him down. This probably happened once every two or so months, sometimes more, for two years.
Well, one day I had enough of everything and left him - when he proposed to me. I realized that spending the rest of my life with this guy made me want to vomit and I ran for the hills. I'd been begging him ti get help for years and was always met with a million excuses. He did not handle it well, but I didn't care. I mailed his stuff back, wiped my hands clean of him, and moved on into another abusive relationship that was also chock full of threats and abuse. Don't worry, I had a nice healthy relationship after that with a man I still regard fondly, and I'm also now married to the real love of my life.
A few months after the breakup, I get a call from him. He's sobbing. I'm out with a friend, who later told me that my eyes rolled so far back in my head..
My ex told me he tried to kill himself. I lit up a cigarette and asked him why. He said he loved me, could never get over me, you know the drill. Then he told me he tried to shoot himself with his mom's gun. The first words out of my mouth were "So how am I talking to you right now?"
He told me he got the gun, went to his room, put it under his chin and pulled the trigger (all in great detail).. But the gun clicked and nothing happened.
Guys, he forgot to load the gun.
I muted the call and laughed so hard that I couldn't breathe. He was still sobbing, my friend was really fucking curious about what was happening, and I was trying not to roll around in a dirty Waffle House parking lot.
Years of proclaimed or obviously fake suicide threats and attempts just boiled down to "I forgot to load the gun."
I still don't know if I believe him. I really don't. Suicide is such a touchy subject for a damn good reason and questioning whether someone really wanted to die is very taboo.
So. Am I the asshole?
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|
AITA for 'threatening' to end a close friendship with said friend being severely depressed
|
We've been close friends for 4 years. During that time we both hit our lowest with depression and he was one of my strongest anchors during it (I relied heavily on my friends as they were my main support). We both got better, I left school for the rest of the year to 'survive' and recovered within approx. 6 months (no longer depressed) and he got better but not 'cured'.
​
Through the depression I had a migraine every week or so. But that then got worse and for the past year and a 1/2 I've had chronic migraines with it starting at 4 a week and now for the past 3 months being everyday. These were almost always (are now always) severe, incapacitating migraines, being constant 9-10/10 (pain) migraines Also due to a rare diagnosis of spinal leaks, they're very prone to get worse with any kind of vertical movement i.e. sitting, standing which essentially caused me to be bedridden and not able to attend classes or do much of anything for the past 6 months.
​
During this half year my friend's depression got worse. Not as bad as it had been but really bad (took medical leave multiple times etc.). He was already bad at online communication but with school which he somewhat despised and the worsening depression it got worse. He and most of my friends dropped communication with me due to my physical absence. I did however reach out to them enough to have a kind of social life. Wasn't the case with him. Despite me trying to text/talk with him, he almost never replied.
​
This changed when he got a girlfriend who is also depressed. I was friends with her so this created a new cycle where the only responses I got from him were either asking me to help talk her down when they struggled and the more common one of 'help gf'. She was my friend so I obviously helped and ended up doing so a lot. I don't blame her for any of this because she needed help and because of her partner who wasn't able to deal with it majority of the time (depression) and an unhealthy relationship with her parents, she needed more. I ended up doing a crap ton of chaos management.
​
My only hopes through this half year was that when breaks happened he and I'd get to spend time together online. During breaks the responses I got were either today isn't gonna work because of business, attempted coping or variations of 'maybe' aka no. Near the end of the break, he confirmed with me that today was the day, we'd hang/play games together. We arranged a time and I started getting excited. After about an 2 hours past said time I texted asking whats going on and he replied that he was playing with a friend that he'd had over at his house twice in the break for a few days at a time. It was also a game that could host 4 people online. This along with the rest resulted in me going ham over text and getting really upset (swearing etc.), and insinuating that something needed to change or I wasn't going to continue the friendship.
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|
AITA I don't want to be around my gf when she's sick
|
I do want my gf to feel comforted and taken care of. I've done it successfully some times. My gf likes to be in control and hates being needy. So I understand being sick really sucks for her.
Today was rough. She says she's hungry so I make her something go eat. She doesn't like it and gets up to make something for herself in a huff. She's in pain so I offer aspirin, I can go real quick to the pharmacy or we can go to the doctor. She wants none of that. She complains her lips hurt, she has cold sores. I offer sympathy and hugs. She asks me what she can do about it. Idk, I say , why don't you ask your friend that knows lots of herbal remedies. She yells at me, I want you to Google it, you like to brag how you problem solve using google. I'm sick and I never ask you anything and if I do it's because I can't do it myself! You just don't care about me.
I left to cool off, looked up a homemade remedy, gave it to her. She was crying cause her head hurt. She told me to leave her alone and that I would sleep in the couch tonight.
I try to be patient, I truly make an effort to not take her aggression personally. I should add that I'm sensitive, as in my feelings get hurt pretty easily. Nobody likes getting yelled at, I take it especially hard.
She's done many good things for me and I want to be there for her when she needs me but it's s bit too much for me. AITA?
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|
AITA for refusing to go dinner with my friends?
|
Okay, so, at my university I've been best friends with this guy and girl (call them Joseph and Bea) for about 4 years now. We've done plenty of stuff together, had a lot of drunken and high moments, etc. All that stuff.
2 years ago I got a girlfriend (lets call her Lucy), and as time came to tell it, she was a very toxic person. Jealous of everyone, always minding other people's business, tried to manipulate me a bunch of times (as in, if she invited me to dinner and I said I didn't want to go, she invited ALL my friends so I had no one else to go dinner with but her. I never gave in to this kind of thing, fortunately). Overall I really regret having dated this girl.
We broke up in December. She asked to be friends, I said okay, within reason. But as of late she's always asking where I am, who I'm with and if I'll be at univ at night studying. She even started coming to study at night too since we broke up, and in 4 years I've never seen her do it. I've also met a new girl (which is a female friend's girlfriend, lets call her Marcia), and when I added this Marcia on facebook, later that day, who woulda known, Lucy sent her a friend request. There is absolutely NO WAY Lucy and the new girl would meet, ever, at all. I severely apologized to Marcia, and she said I had no reason at all to apologize as I had done nothing wrong. I still felt kinda bad about it.
Now, tomorrow is a dinner party of my class (Lucy, Bea and Joseph are all in my class too), but since the three of them are not attending the class dinner, they invited me to have dinner at Lucy's house. I told them I wouldn't go for personal reasons, and Lucy just said "Why do you have to make everything so hard, you're very selfish you know?" and stormed off. Bea insisted for me to go as it would be fun, to which I said "I'm not very comfortable with Lucy around, so I'd rather meet you afterwards". She was said about it and asked what would make me go, I said "Lucy not going." and Bea said "Well she's part of the group now, so tough luck, you have to handle it." I simply said "No, I don't, that's why I'm not going" and I walked away. Now I'm seen as the bad guy by all 3 of them because I refuse to go to this dinner party.
Am I the asshole here? I want to know because I think it's getting to the point when I need to confront them one by one and I want to at least be sure I'm in the right.
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"description": "cutting off my friend, two times in a row? sorry if this is really stupid it's just after everything I'm not even sure if I'm being an asshole or if I'm justified in behaving this way...everything's just really, really confusing and painful",
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|
AITA for cutting off my friend, two times in a row? Sorry if this is really stupid it's just after everything I'm not even sure if I'm being an asshole or if I'm justified in behaving this way...everything's just really, really confusing and painful.
|
\*\*THIS IS REALLY LONG IM SORRY\*\*
​
TL;DR: Friend is abused. Me too. Friend has meltdowns where he gets mad if you dont make him feel better, accuses you of lying/hating him/talking behind his back. Says its due to his abuse. 1st fight, he lied about a friend's words to him and tried pressuring me into agreeing with him by asking whether or not I agreed he was a attention w\*\*\*\*. Compared friend to abusive father. Belittled my abuse. Made up a week later, he started accusing me of hating him/talking behind his back, snapped and told him it was rude. Told me he can't help it due to abuse. He got mad when I suggested a therapist and made the whole thing into how bad of a friend I was. Blocked him. Met him and a friend by chance a month later, gave second chance. Within 24 hours he made me feel like shit and attacked my girlfriend so I blocked him again, only much more rudely this time. Later his friends told me that he can't help his behaviour due to abuse and that some of it was due to past experiences with friends. Now I feel bad, and I'm watching him lose friends day by day and I hope he's doing okay. I'm not sure if I'm the jerk who abused an abused kid, or if I had justification for blocking him.
​
Hello. I'm 14. I'll try to keep this as unbiased as possible, but feel free to call me out if I accidentally slip as the whole thing has kinda spun me around. I've created a throwaway and changed a few identifying details like age as I don't want him to know I've posted this. I'll call him...Ezra.
Long story short, me and a friend...we've had a rocky relationship. We fought once, back in August, and that was the beginning of the erosion of our relationship. See...he was verbally abused by his father alot when he was younger. I don't know the specifics of it, but I do know that he has lots of issues in terms of self-esteem and depression/anxiety that stems from it. As a result, he would sometimes have these meltdowns...nothing big, but they'd pop up unexpectedly as he had the tendency to go quiet, stew, and randomly get up and leave/end the conversation with an "I'm upset". He would get kinda passive aggressive if you didn't check up on him or continued with what you were doing before he did this, as he saw this as proof that you hated or disliked him because he was a bit paranoid on whether or not his friends actually liked him.
If you did check up on him, however, it would last about an hour of just trying to convince him he was a good person and he wasn't ugly, or stupid, or whatever bad thing he was thinking about himself at this time. During this, he would attack me, say I secretly hated him but I didn't want to admit it, and call me a liar. He was very strict on lying with all his friends. He basically lived by the slogan "People Lie" and made sure everyone knew that, because he has trust issues due to his father. That's not unreasonable. Thus, we had to "prove" that we weren't lying every time this happened.
The issue kind of began once summer started. These episodes started to increase in frequency, and if I missed any of them, he'd get really, really angry with me...and, I don't wanna be mean, but start...guilt tripping? Things like "I guess you \*do\* hate me then" and stuff like that. Doesn't matter if I'm sleeping, with family, swimming, on a plane, or on a date, he kinda expected me to keep doing this whenever he told me about some problems he had, or whenever we spent time together, alone or in a group. I let it go, as while I'm a victim of child abuse myself, everybody has different experiences and I guess, everyone reacts to it differently. Plus, he's younger than me, and I kinda saw him as a "kid" and I felt bad, you know? Because at his age, I was also kinda reacting to my abuse, just in different ways. I'd apologize if I missed a session, and continue. It was kind of really emotionally draining to keep doing it....as bad as it sounds, but I still kept pushing myself to, as he really only trusted 3 friends to talk to his problems about: me, my girlfriend, and his other friend, who he looked up to like an older brother. He'd go to my girlfriend first, before me, and then the friend. I didn't wanna keep pushing his issues onto the friend, as usually when it gets to the point where he vents to him, he's at the suicidal/self-harming stage, and I know that's stressful so I tried to help as much as I could at the time.
I'd like to make it known at this time that at this point I started to bring up some stuff that I found kind of hurtful with Ezra, and asked him to stop. Such as the "ha you hate me" and the guilt-tripping. He said he couldn't help it due to his abuse, but he'd try. I didn't want to offend him or be seen as insensitive, because hey, abuse is shitty. I don't know if he can or can't help it for sure. If I brought it up again, he would keep repeating that he was trying or that he had already stopped the behaviour...when really, he didn't. So nothing changed.
I don't know...one day, I snapped or something. We were hanging out together...Me, Him, and another friend, I'll call him Ishi. We were playing a team game online when he felt bad about his score, and left abruptly...for the 3rd time that day. And I broke. Instead of helping him like I should have, I cried...because if I was being honest, I really, really hated doing this so much. I told Ishi all about it while I cried -he had no idea before that- and \*I didn't know he was also texting Ezra at the same time.\* I just heard a flurry of furious typing and him comforting me.
Ezra called me, in bawling, claiming that Ishi called him an attention w\*\*\*\* and a selfish b\*\*\*\* and asked me if I agreed. He wouldn't listen to anything I said, he just kept asking "do you agree with him? Do you agree?" etc until I caved and told him that he hurt me sometimes when he accused me of hating him and being a liar, when I was only trying to help. At this point I was still with Ishi, and he shared his screen with their texts.
\*He said none of those things. He just told Ezra that he hurt me, and I was crying. When Ezra said "I can't help it, I'm trying" Ishi told him he really...wasn't, and that he was going to end up hurting more friends with his actions if he continues.\*
Telling Ezra he hurt me...ohhh boy. He went on a rant about how poorly his father treated him, then compared me and Ishi to his father, then yelled at me for not telling him what I was hurt by earlier so he could have stopped (I did) and told me that I hurt him badly by siding with Ishi because out of all the people, I should've understood his actions the most because I was abused. I told him I didn't understand, and he told me I didn't sympathize enough with him and belittled my abuse. This hurt me alot, and in the heat of the moment I called him abusive. He then ranted about me to my girlfriend...for some reason, expecting her to side with him, only for her to get \*pissed\* and yell at him before cutting him off. He then went to the last friend, who later confirmed Ezra gave him a really one-sided story.
We made up a week later, but I held him at a distance because hey, we just fought. It's weird to be super close ASAP. He also agreed that we wouldn't talk about personal issues...which he gradually broke. I spent time with him and Ishi separately because Ishi despises him and Ezra \*compared him to his abusive father\*. I kinda fucked up there because that lead Ezra into believing I hated him, and that I was talking about him behind his back with my girlfriend, who still hadn't spoken to him. (I hadn't.) He would drop things like "Sorry, I just keep thinking that you hate me haha" or "My anxiety keeps making me think you and Girlfriend are talking about me behind my back, I'm so silly". He'd also talk shit about my girlfriend and get mad when I told him that was unacceptable, and say things like "I cut myself the other day after we fought haha". One day he just straight up accused me of gossiping about him behind his back.
I was pretty much fed up at that point...I didn't feel like comforting him that day, so I behaved really rudely. I don't know...I was just really stressed and kind of mad that he made me miss my anniversary with my GF because he would keep threatening to commit suicide to her to keep me from talking to him. I told him that he was being really rude, as he kept implying that he couldn't trust me...and that hurt. He told me that due to his abuse, he couldn't trust anyone. I could put the most trustworthy person in the world in front of him and he wouldn't trust them. He told me how his anxiety was so bad he can't attend school. How he tried to kill himself in June because of his depression. When I told him that therapy can help, and asked if he had gone to the school counsellor or his mom, he got offended by how I was implying and assuming he did nothing about his mental health, how he had gone to both but his mom can't pay for it because she won't "make sacrifices", whatever that is. How his counsellor was incompetent.
He ended it with an "Honestly, just shut the fuck up because you don't know me."
I felt awful, and I still do. I can't tell if he's using it as an excuse, or if he really can't help it, because if so, I'm a horrible person for tiring of helping him. But I was hurt. And later than night...I told him I didn't want to be friends with him, and that the last straw was him flipping the whole thing on me after I recommended therapy. I didn't let him respond, I was scared he was going to flip it on me again. I knew he was going to, he told me I should've told him earlier so he could stop, and, in a panic cause I thought he was asleep, I blocked him.
I lost 90% of my friend group that day. He went around telling them extremely onesided stories that I didn't even want t
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l1dsy5DfytjFqqUkio1kFqpnKe32VDGe
|
aftnyt
|
{
"description": "not knowing if I should have to trust in boyfriend or not",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not knowing if I should have to trust in boyfriend or not?
|
(First of all forgive me for my bad grammar, English is not my first language)
things started a few months ago, my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend sent me a message to tell me that my boyfriend had been unfaithful to me, that they had kissed and she felt very bad about it, at first I hesitate but knowing that he had cheated on me once, it is when I take it seriously (He told me what he did immediately, we cut for a while but a few months later we went out again), then she told me that he told her the things we did in bed, things that I liked that they were impossible to know unless one of us told them; to add to all this a few days later a friend we have in common with his ex showed me some screenshots of conversations he had with some of my boyfriend's ex friends; generally they all said that he was not a very good person, that he had cheated on me several times, that he had never valued me and that he was not reliable. That's why I decided to confront him, at first he did not give much importance but when I notice that I was very upset about this he finally told me that none of that had happened and that it was just people with nothing better to do, looking to interfere in our relationship. We discussed a lot about this and although now we are better I don't know if I just let it go, I understand that someone may want to generate drama but there are so many people telling the same story.
To add, I know how he behaved in his previous relationships, he did some questionable things but we must consider that he was very immature since I have known him since we have 13.
AITA for not knowing if it is the best thing for me to trust him? I have to believe more in him? Or I have to bring up the subject again?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
HQGn3ZI3avwH7jvvv9AAU1MCPe3w6KuC
|
b64cu1
|
{
"description": "going through a yellow light",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for going through a yellow light
|
While driving to work i came up to a busy intersection. As i enter the intersection the light turns yellow. If i were to have stopped i would be slamming on my brakes and potentially getting hit from behind. Having this in mind, i continued to the otherside as there was room. At the same time im part way through the intersection, i see a city bus just starting to enter the same intersection. As im slowing down on the otherwide but still out of the intersection the bus driver honks at me for quite some time even though im not in the way and he should not have gone. In this situation was i the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
QGFOqbaFJMgX4T18DX7bj3CUpwiYZXr9
|
ab9cnr
|
{
"description": "not wanting my ex of a week to bring the guy she left me for to my friend group's NYE Party",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting my ex of a week to bring the guy she left me for to my friend group’s NYE Party?
|
For lack of a better term, she’s not my ex, but we dated exclusively for 3 months. And we’ll call her Sadie. Sadie ended things with me a week ago citing that she didn’t have time for a relationship and also felt very cynical about them. Sadie wanted to remain friends. We are supposed to go to my close friend’s NYE party. To be clear it’s his house. I’ve been close friends with the host for 8 years. Sadie’s been friends with him for 2 months and got his contact info at the host’s Birthday party two months ago that we went to together as each other’s dates. My friend group will be there. Sadie’s won’t. The only person she shares a mutual friend with in my friend group is her step sister. We were supposed to go together as each other’s dates well over a month in advanced until she ended things. Today she warned me that she would be bringing her new guy she’s been dating the past week as her date. I was confused since she said she didn’t have time for a relationship; didn’t believe in relationships and love. Sadie told me she met him the day before she decided to end things with me. Sadie has gone on several dates with him over the course of the week and intends on bringing her new guy to the party as her date. I told her that I’m not okay with this. Although I’m upset she’s dating someone else, that she ended things with me for someone else, and completely went back on the reasons she didn’t want a relationship, she’s well within her right to date whomever and whenever she wants. I made this clear multiple times. But I don’t want her date at the party. We got in a huge argument about how she feels I’m being unfair. But I told her I don’t care who she’s dating, I just don’t want to see it because it’s hurtful and unfair to me. That her bringing this guy to my friend group’s party is extremely inconsiderate of my feelings. I told Sadie that she knows I still have feelings for her, and seeing her with another guy only a week after she ended things is hurtful and painful to me. Especially since she replaced me with him and was supposed to be my date to the party. And if the roles were reversed, I wouldn’t be doing what she was. I made it clear that if it was her friend group hosting, she’d be well within her right to bring whoever as a date. But Sadie’s bringing this new guy into my friend group. This is my friend group. Not hers. And that she’s overstepping her boundaries. I think that out of respect for me and my feelings, and the fact that she’s coming to my friend group, and not hers, she shouldn’t bring the guy she left me for. And if she wants to do something with the guy, that’s perfectly fine, but she should do it with her own friend group and make her own plans. The date and two additional friends she’s bringing weren’t even invited on the Facebook group for the party and aren’t on the guest list. Sadie is. Although when the host gets drunk he’s not concerned with who comes. She wouldn’t be going to this party if I didn’t suggest us going together months ago. She usually does NYE with her friend group. So AITA?
TLDR: Ex ended things last week. Is dating someone new despite breaking up with me because she has no time for a relationship. Wants to bring her new guy to a NYE party we’re both going to where we were supposed to be each other’s dates. I’m not okay with it. Party hosted by my friend group. Not hers. New guy isn’t on the invite list.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 8,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
mGB1NuZ5u5cxmNntGxpUbQYy0vj4716G
|
9x5pt8
|
{
"description": "saying \"what gives\" to my now ex as to why she felt the way she did",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for saying "what gives" to my now ex as to why she felt the way she did. (More context below)
|
So I met this girl at a dance and we really clicked. We started talking over text for about a week and then I finally asked her out (I asked her on Monday and the date was the next Sunday) For the first week of us dating, everything was perfect. Then after one week of us dating we kissed for the first time (nothing much just a quick peck on the lips) and the Monday after she just started being super distant. This continued for three weeks, just like she was almost bored with me. During this time, I constantly asked what was wrong and how to fix it. All she said was that she felt stuff was going too fast, and I respected that, I truly did. Then today we broke up and I said to her why was it when I kept asking her how to fix thing and she never tried to do anything or tell me her absolute feelings and I finished that with "what gives" and she got pissed. Am I in the wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ujjmQeEGuQbgnwRejLeo1ndl8kiR6u5f
|
adwxny
|
{
"description": "telling my roommate with 2 months notice that I'm going to move out, then after he bought a house to live in, change my mind and getting a new roommate",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for telling my roommate with 2 months notice that I'm going to move out, then after he bought a house to live in, change my mind and getting a new roommate?
|
My friend Dave and I are both 29 and have known each other since we were in elementary school, we've lived together the past 3 years. We had discussed whether or not we'd be renewing for a 4th and I wasn't sure because it depended on if things were going well with my girl. He's not happy about it because he doesn't want to move, but worst case scenario he can move in with his grandfather. I got a girlfriend back in August and things have been going well between us so we both agreed I can move in with her instead of renewing my lease in mid February. I told Dave this in early December. Fast forward to yesterday, I'm prepping to move in with my girl and Dave has purchased a house that he'll be moving into in 2 weeks. I'm at work telling a coworker about it and she said I'd be only saving about 300 a month by moving into my girlfriends place that's nearly a 3th the size of the one I'm in now. Why don't I just keep the place I'm in now? So I call my girl and she'd prefer to go to my place since it's way bigger, then I call another friend of mine who needs a place to stay and hes down to move in to help with rent. It's a 4 bedroom townhome. So I bring this idea up to Dave and he flips out calling me a shitty friend and shitty adult with the timing of this plan. The way he sees it I gave him very little time to find a new place to live then changed everything at the last second when he was definitely moving out. Like I pulled strings in order to change out who my roommates are. After things got calmer he recognized that that isn't the case, I'm not pulling strings, I'm just going with the flow, hes not as mad but he's still definitely not happy. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
YK9KWrV7zstCIUfojDJSsymWbQWVYTXW
|
avv6cv
| null |
AITA Nightmare Father In Law
|
I stayed at my wife's folks house for 6 months whilst we renovated a property to move in to. In doing so didn't realise that I was inadvertently handing my paracitic father in law an unlimited pass to drop in unannounced and expect dinner on the table most nights!
I don't mean to sound ungrateful, am I the asshole for wanting this guy to Foxtrot Oscar!? I just want to come home and spend time with my wife and kids without having to smile falsely and soak up terrible banter!
Help.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
oGrYHHe7vY8eEylhqxc8dEa5iypvTO5p
|
ahnl7l
|
{
"description": "interfering in professor's lecture when he starts telling offensive jokes",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA for interfering in professor's lecture when he starts telling offensive jokes?
|
One of our college professors, among others, likes to joke when lecturing. Unfortunately, some of his jokes are quite disrespectful (i.e. "Ultrasound is emitted by women who get their whims denied") - and, unlike other joke types, these also don't bring anything useful to the lecture. I've tried telling him about it several times but he dismissed my concerns with indifferent "Uh-huh, sure, of course it's not funny" and, clearly, it did no impact.
I can't skip his course or just be absent because, while not really important, it's still mandatory and he requires us to show notes of his lectures for a grade.
I don't think bringing this up to faculty leaders will result in any effect because telling such jokes isn't a crime or something, so why would they bother.
I can, technically, suck it up with "ah, this guy's just a prick" - but while I want to have a good grade like any student, I would still also like it very much if professors didn't belittle others, including myself, in the process of teaching, no matter how petty their insults are.
So, I want to get more vocal, maybe even mirror the joke as last resort, in trying to signal him the message or at least get it off my chest (nevermind the *quod licet Iovi, non licet bovi*) when he says something like that again. Would that, however, make me no better than him in the end?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
qnTVXhWRTtejxhgtneTtNM2bBnvFC1zK
|
b3ujn6
|
{
"description": "telling my so to not worry me so much with her nightmares",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 28
}
|
AITA for telling my SO to not worry me so much with her nightmares.
|
So last night I was playing video games with my friend over discord while my SO was asleep on our bed behind me. Suddenly I start to hear her make what sounds like faint hyperventalating noises. I leave the teamspeak with my friend and jump over to her to see if she's okay. Her eyes were wide open and she and she appeared paralyzed. At this point I'm freaking out asking her " are you okay?" and "do you need a glass of water". She wouldn't respond to me at all, and continued to faintly hyperventalate/appear paralyzed. At this point I'm getting really scared, and ask if she needs me to call an ambulance. She then finally responds by shaking her head no, and saying she just had a terrible nightmare. My worry turns into anger. I tell her to, in the future, please let me know that she's okay when I'm asking her if she's okay. She responds by being upset that I didn't seem at all concerned about her nightmare.
So Reddit. Am I the one in the wrong here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 27,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 28
}
|
WRONG
|
2iOSbCopfTKHdTEWiohoDK0h1TZ3hvKV
|
a5dzpo
|
{
"description": "not grieving the loss of my cat",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not grieving the loss of my cat?
|
I just want to start this by saying: I was the that discovered my cat passed earlier today, and I did cry about it at first, but I composed myself quicker than I anticipated.
I feel like a massive a**hole, because this cat was apart of my family for 15 years, and even after all that time I feel pretty okay with it all.
It’s not like i’m not sad she’s gone, but I thought i’d feel worse about her passing.
It’s not like I didn’t anticipate her death either. She’s been pretty sickly the past four months, and she was getting pretty old.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
GEOsp0aZaVf2R1BOm7ZmlQK8FK4rapVo
|
ad2jnb
|
{
"description": "being upset at my ex when he he asked me why did I stay with him",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset at my ex when he he asked me why did I stay with him?
|
Sorry for the long post.
I met my ex in a vidoe class in university and we were project partners for the entire class. We hit it off and we liked a lot of the same things. When he asked me out, I said yes because I had a crush on him then. We dated throughout the summer even though we were about 4 hours apart (He went home for the summer). At the end of summer, he asked me to be his girlfriend which again was an yes from me.
But at some point, the relationship started to fade on my side. It was my first real relationship so I was mostly confused and I thought it would pass. It didn't and I started to close off more and more.
I still stayed with him, trying desperately to see if I could maybe fall in love with him. Eventually I realised that the warm summer crush feeling I had was gone and it wasn't going to come back. I was scared to break up with him because I didn't want to lose our friendship, hanging out with him was still fun but any intimacy he tried didn't do anything for me.
I realised that I had to break up with him but didn't have the courage to do it until a few days before Christmas. We agreed to meet up to play some tabletop games (an interest he got me into) and I made up my mind then that I would break up after the game. We met up and he kept telling me about the plans he had for Christmas. It was getting painful and I just decided to pull off the bandage. I got him away from his friends and broke up with him.
He wasn't surprised because he said he could tell when a girl was having second thoughts. I felt so guilty and apologized for putting him through this. Then he asked me, "Why didn't you take the out when I gave it to you?" That made me a little upset because at that point I still had feelings for him and I was trying to push forward with my slow pace in the relationship. I didn't say anything about it though and just apologized again for hurting him like this.
At the end of the day, he asked me more uncomfortable questions about our relationship with questions I didn't have answers for. I went home feeling so gulity and upset, he made it sound like I was never interested in our relationship. Am I an asshole for feeling like this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
xK160DdXOVChQBXGKocr5F5IpSow5b4e
|
b7subt
| null |
AITA because my kid makes noise?
|
For the past 2 years I’ve lived with my husband in a multi family dwelling. We brought our baby home almost a year ago.
The building is a larger house that has been sectioned off into 3 entirely separate suites, all with separate entrances. My family lives on the mainfloor. Last summer a middle aged, child free couple moved into the upper suite. Im the basement suite lives a single, child free man in his 50’s and he has been living here for 6 years before us.
Things we do that make noise:
Our child:
He is almost 1 year old. He sleeps and makes 0 noise from 7:30pm-7:30am. Once in a while he might wake up crying from a bad dream but that’s rare. During the day we play with musical instruments, sing, laugh, play with building blocks... all those things make noise. Sometimes he yells just for fun. Other times he yells to get my attention if I’m busy or if I’m not getting his snack quickly enough. Or he may yell in to getting his diaper changed. Sometimes he falls and hurts himself which results in loud wailing cries until he calms down again. He’s an average kid and makes an average amount of kid noise.
My husband and myself:
We watch tv in the evening but in the 2 years we’ve lived here we’ve never had a single complaint about the volume of our television... we keep it reasonable and we’re mindful of the volume. We also talk and laugh with each other. Sometimes we accidentally drop things on the floor and that makes noise.... sometimes we also use the vacuum cleaner during the daytime which can get quite loud.
The event that triggered this situation:
At around 11pm the other night my husband dropped an empty piece of Tupperware on the floor while he was making his lunch for work. The lower neighbour banged on the wall and yelled in protest to the noise caused by dropping the empty plastic container.
The following day, my husband was outside smoking weed (it’s legal in our country) and our lower neighbour walked by... my husband initiated conversation to discuss what happened when our neighbour proceeded to aggressively walk toward and yell at my husband about how selfish we are, how we are always so noisy and he’s sick of it, how we only think of ourselves and how the upstairs neighbours hate us too and are also sick of our noise and how none of them want to live here because of us and it’s impossible to take a nap in the afternoon. My husband was calm and continued to try for a calm and respectable conversation but the lower neighbour continued to be aggressive, talk over him, and only wanted to yell at and insult us. So my husband said “this conversation is over now. Go away.” The lower neighbour was still yelling and talking over him but my husband kept saying “bye. Go away. Bye. Go away.” Until he left.
Since then we purchased some nice earplugs on amazon and had them sent to our lower neighbour with a gift card that says “for your afternoon naps. kind regards- mainfloor neighbours”
Are we the assholes?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 13
}
|
WRONG
|
zq8i3PZGUUfrS8EhTbLhFIwCcGXZxvig
|
aserez
|
{
"description": "not bothering to keep a friendship",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not bothering to keep a friendship?
|
When I was like 15 (now 19M) I had a small crush on a girl from the other class. Kind of nerdy and shy, but didn't get to know her then. Fast forward 2 years and we end up in the same class. Im usually shy too, but after a garbage fire of a year I kind of stopped caring so I thought i should get to know her at some point. Turns out she is a bit shy and nerdy, and also very good w/ art which I'm really a fan of, as being able to draw has always been something i wanted to get into. Started chatting to her often, for the delight of teasing friends.
As I got to know her throughout the year though, I started noticing I didn't click much w/ her apart from those mutual interests. I was getting the impression she was very shallow, always judging people for the littlest of things and not giving a damn about what they might think. In my mind it just screamed brattiness. When we were talking she'd almost always go on about how \*random male actor\* was handsome and she wanted to marry him, or talking about superheroes or Supernatural (how come that never ends??)
We started hanging out and it became obvious to me that I lost interest. It was always the same fangirling and listening about her husbands getting married. Later I heard from a classmate that she wanted to hook up w/ me. I really wouldnt know since we'd never talk about anything that'd suggest it. I guess she was waiting on a move from me but dammit it'd feel like forcing myself.
More than once I got in a crossfire w/ her. She once was sure a mutual friend of ours was a psycho for loving guns (despite "loving guns" being true, even with some political disagreements we have he never disrespected me, hell he once told me Im one of the only commies he respects) and was pissed when I disagreed. One other time she was arguing with a friend because he was objectifying his (girl)classmates for saying some of them were hot and I find this particularly stupid because nothing in the texts indicated he was demeaning the girls for being hot.
To the point now. I volunteered to help her in a uni project in which she'd show me characters she made in The Sims and ask what I thought of them, what career they were in etc. I could tell it was something to do w/ prejudice, turns out it was body and sexualization. Earlier, a girl friend of mine posted on her status a pic of a cat with his hands up saying "her ass was like this big" and i thought it'd be a nice break from the seriousness of the theme, maybe start a banter even. After I send it, she replies saying "Wow thats awful. Why do u keep that pic around?" At that point I got mad red, but only said "I got it from a fml friend, i thought it was cute and fit the situation", and after that I havent had any incentive to talk to her again. Shes been sending "how are you" texts and I mostly say Im good and tell a pun or smth, but today she said "its hard talking to me". Ive yet to respond but honestly, I cant give one fuck. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
nQsOodnAK2gGsZwPB1PJ6DfShSey2Mbl
|
b59ody
|
{
"description": "not giving my friend a lift",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA By not giving my friend a lift?
|
So me and this specific friend arent too close, but he asks me frequently to give him a ride. He often uses the excuse of hooking a brother up and doing him a favor. He hasn't returned these favors in any ways or given gas money. So this morning he is apparently sick and wanted a lift to the doctors appointment, I refused since I had other things to do, not necessarily that much but he wouldn't know. Now he is quite mad at me for this. So am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
AMy2Y7x6JGW2VMrecokpRyi0OMCnLGn1
|
afo07o
| null |
AITA
|
TLDR at bottom
So my dad (late 40's) and I (15) are talking about times to wake up on the weekend. I say to sleep in until I wake up on my own. He days ten is the latest anyone should sleep in. He says, "Well I think that 10 o'clock is enough so that's what time you need to wake up. I say calling him a person by saying, "How can a person determine what my body does?" This is where I dont know if im being the asshole or if he is. He starts to get really mad and raises his voice. He starts telling me that he isnt a person hes my dad. I ask, "So youre not a person? Are you not a human being?" He responds with, "No. Im your dad not some person!" He then tells me to take my little sister(2) who was in his arms the whole time to take her down. I take her but I say, "Dad, please tell me what you mean by youre not a human or a person just because youre my dad. I want to know." He interupted me each time I said dad and say not to call him that but to call him a person. But he just said, "Take your sister downstairs shes hungry. I dont want to talk about it." I just said okay and walked downstairs.
TLDR: Called my dad a person and he flipped out saying that he is not a person hes my dad
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
kMgdzPo14udq8Oh6tXdx3UZr2I7yC1sa
|
b03397
|
{
"description": "protecting my cousin from a potential predator",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for protecting my cousin from a potential predator?
|
Throwaway account for obvious reasons. I’m on mobile so there may be formatting issues.
So I’ll start with some background. My cousin and I have been very close for about 2-3 years now. She is 16. We talk on the phone every night for at least an hour, usually more. She’s my best friend.
At the beginning of the school year, something changed in her. She used to be very innocent, she hadn’t ever kissed anyone or been in a relationship of any sort. This year, she started talking to a guy I’ll call AJ. My cousin is a sophomore and AJ is a senior. They started off as friends but they were always really touchy-feely, even as friends. However, my cousin did have feelings for AJ and would talk about him every night. Here’s the thing, AJ is a player, and my cousin knows this. She says she doesn’t have a problem with it because she doesn’t want a relationship, she just “wants him.”
So my cousin and AJ had made out a couple of times when he invites her over to his friend’s house over spring break. She accepts and long story short, she ends up giving him head. She was 15 at the time and I was led to believe he was 17. On the same day, they did it again. They took a break for awhile but about a month later, AJ asked my cousin to meet him in front of the men’s room at their school. She went and met him there. AJ then leads her into the bathroom and there, she once again gives him head. However, the third time was a little different. She regretted it and told me she was done with him. At this point, she had turned 16 and he had said he’d turned 18. She told me that she didn’t really want to do it but she felt that he expected it, so she did it. I was completely on board with this and so were all of her other friends (we all have a mutual hate for AJ).
About a week ago, my cousin tells me wants to fw AJ again. I get pissed, so I get distant. I told her I was mad but then didn’t answer her calls because I needed some time to cool down. We ended up in a group call with a mutual friend who I’ll call Jack. Jack happens to be friends with all of us, including AJ. He informs us that AJ is actually 19, as stated on his student I.D. I “jokingly” said I should call the police (by that I mean I said it sarcastically but at that point I was considering telling my aunt/ her mother). We had an argument while Jack kind of moderated the whole thing. My cousin said that she understands that I don’t agree with what’s going on, but it’s her life and her choices. Jack said basically the same thing. He doesn’t like what’s happening, but there’s nothing we can do to stop it.
I’ve tried to not say anything since then because I don’t want to lose my cousin/best friend, but I’m really worried. I’m still considering telling someone, but again, I don’t want to lose her.
Sorry if there’s more info needed. The story is a lot longer than this but I wanted to try to keep it simple.
So, WIBTA if I told someone what’s been going on?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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b4a6ju
| null |
AITA and my mother for hating our freeloading aunt and cousin.
|
For the past 27 years, my mother and father have taken in my aunt and cousin. My parents own a three flat with a smaller 4th flat. My aunt and cousin live the 4th flat. They pay absolutely no rent, utilities, and meals included. They moved in around the same time I was born. In the early years my aunt was helpful around the house and took care of my great aunt and grandmother on my mother's side. My mother compensated my aunt with a couple hundred dollars a week from her low paying job as a seamtress. Everything seemed fine until my grandmother and my great aunt passed away. My mother cut off her income because she wasn't doing anything to earn it, including tidying the house. She feels resentment we weren't giving her a stipend to do nothing. This has been the current state for nearly a decade. Plus my cousin grew up to be a class act neglecting his mother's needs when he can. He got a job as a server and gets cash easily but much rather spend it on drugs/alcohol and his golddigging girlfriend that distances him from his mother. She has to wait a week to get a refill on her diabetes medication. My aunt now comes downstairs daily, avoids me, my mother, and only forces a smile and conversation with my father only because he's her first cousin. She will sit and watch my mother prepare a whole meal or clean the house without moving a finger. To add injury to insult she asks me for at least 5 cigarettes a day. This adds up mind you. Today after giving her numerous cigarettes, I asked her to keep an eye on a steak I was cooking, SHE FLAT OUT REFUSED. Like it's that much trouble. I told her get your cigarettes elsewhere from now on. AITA for hating her and my mother wanting her and my cousin to move out?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
o8zLonQeU6yARyLFFrm9IaYUYl2ZSUUE
|
atvlg3
|
{
"description": "not wanting my boyfriend's dog in the bed",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting my boyfriend’s dog in the bed?
|
I love my boyfriend and I love his dog, but she’s a large pit bull and has no grasp on personal space. I have asked him several times if we could buy her a nice dog bed and he claims she won’t sleep on it, but I never get a decent nights sleep when I stay over. She’s either right in between us and I have no room at all or she’s at the end of the bed and I have to curl up in the bed. I’ve really tried to compromise but I get so aggravated that I can’t sleep. This has been going on almost three years and I can’t get used to it. Am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
gwMlnts9lQ7Qhpjj6G9oP5o7k404Q1EL
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axfrqy
|
{
"description": "asking a short guy for the legroom he wasn't using",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 28
}
|
AITA for asking a short guy for the legroom he wasn't using?
|
So today I had to take a 4 hour flight. I am a 6 foot tall woman, so airline flights are usually not very comfortable. When I booked my ticket I paid extra for the roomier seats, but unfortunately the seat I really wanted was already taken. So I decided to go with the seat next to it. For reference, [I wanted seat 12F, I went with 12E instead.](https://i.imgur.com/rwS5AUU.png). As you can see from the seating chart, 12F doesn't have a seat in front of it because exit row and a Flight Attendant has a little mini seat on the back of 10F. Unlimited leg room.
So I board the plane and get to my seat, and the guy sitting next to me in 12F is like seriously 5'6" MAXIMUM. He was even wearing boots that gave him an extra 3" or so (not by accident, I'm sure). His head just barely touched the luggage compartments above us when he was standing up straight. Literally the amount of distance to the next seat in front of him was probably longer than his whole body.
So we take off and of course it's uncomfortable. The guy in front of me immediately reclines, my knees are hitting the back of the chair, and I'm in a middle seat. For the first 30 minutes or so of the flight I kind of readjust myself every few minutes and I am in obvious discomfort. But the guy next to me ignores it and pretends like he can't see the pain that I'm in.
So I turned to him and said in a very polite tone, "Excuse me sir, but would you mind switching seats? As you can see my legs make it very difficult to sit in this seat, and I'm sure you'd be just as comfortable here." I had looked and he'd have like at least 5 inches between his knees and the seat in front if he was sitting here.
He snapped back at me in an annoyed tone, "I booked this seat. I'm not switching."
I managed to keep my polite composure and asked again, "Sir you aren't even using all that leg room and I could really use it. I'm in pain here and I will be for the next 3 and a half hours. Will you please consider it?"
Then he practically screams back at me, "Well, some of us get to be tall and others of us get to have comfortable airplane rides! Get what you get!!!" Then he put on headphones and leaned against the window to pretend like he was sleeping.
I was absolutely taken aback and just kind of sat there in awe. Like this was /r/PublicFreakOut material. This guy thinks that just because he's short and I'm tall, he gets to treat me like shit for asking politely to make my life a little more comfortable? I paid extra for this seat, and he's sitting there with literally his own height in leg room and he sees me suffering and he finds joy in it. Why are short men so jealous and vindictive?
Am I the asshole here for trying to make my life a little more comfortable? He wouldn't have lost any comfort at all.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
HybKJdlseI4msaKJyyRogQ9ntFInyZ7W
|
akm7et
|
{
"description": "asking my coworker to message the group when he'll be late for the bus",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my coworker to message the group when he’ll be late for the bus?
|
So I’m working overseas and the company provides transportation to work. Lately there have been a couple issues regarding this.
A couple weeks ago, Coworker A let the driver know he wouldn’t be joining us on the bus. The driver got our names confused and thought he meant me, so they left without me. Coworker B likes to serve as the copilot of sorts, so I messaged him saying that we can’t rely on someone who doesn’t speak our language, and that he shouldn’t have trusted him because I always make a point to message a coworker when I’m not riding (happened only twice so far). I explain that we should all just message the group chat.
Fast forward to yesterday and we’re all waiting to leave work. Three coworkers were not on the bus yet, including A & B, and time to leave was approaching. So I sent out a message asking that if anyone isn’t riding, please just let us know. Coworker B responds that he told 3 people he wouldn’t be riding, and I can message him personally if I’m wondering about him. He didn’t realize there were others not on the bus yet.
So I respond that no one told us about him, and that he should just message the group chat so anyone can verify it easily. He continued to insist that we can just check on him individually and made a big deal about me being short with him, especially after I was mad when they left me two weeks ago. He accused me of wanting them to do the same and check on me, which wasn’t true, I was mad because I thought someone made some shit up about me not riding, not that they didn’t ask me.
Of the three coworkers whom B instructed to relay his message, one wasn’t on the bus yet, and the other two were not being clear whether B would be with us, phrasing it as a question, “B won’t be coming?” No idea why they decided to play that game, but whatever.
So AITA for asking that everyone just message the group if they’re running late or will be absent, rather than relying on in-person messengers?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
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|
aqet2k
|
{
"description": "getting the dog groomed on my wife's birthday",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting the dog groomed on my wife's birthday?
|
As can be told from the title, I'm married and we have a dog.
He's a long-haired breed and needs to be trimmed regularly, and also a rescue who's been through some trauma. As a result, while he's lovely with us, he's quite difficult when it comes to strangers. After searching, we found a 'dog salon' that specialises in cases like this, but it's quite far from our place- so getting the dog groomed is basically a day-trip.
Now, the last time I got him groomed, when I went to make the next (recent) appointment it turns out their schedule was packed. The only open time anywhere near where I would have wanted turned out to be my wife's birthday (a Saturday). Before making the appointment, I called her and asked if it was okay if I locked that in. She said fine, no problem.
I thought great, all good, we'll do her birthday the day after. I made reservations for dinner on Sunday and considered the matter resolved.
However, come the Friday, she asked me where we were going for birthday dinner tomorrow. I reminded her I was getting the dog groomed on Saturday, and I'd made reservations for the day after instead.
All hell broke loose. She had understood that we'd be going to dinner after I got back from the trimming, She said that unless we celebrated on the actual day, any gestures meant far less, and I loved the dog more than her.
I had just figured that rather than forcing it after a trek out to the salon and back, starting Sunday fresh would have been more fun for both of us.
AITA here? I was surprised with how upset she got, but I'm pretty clueless in general so I'd like some objectivity.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ML0z56ohZrhNZfauVC0AYCyXtSIGYykn
|
9ymp0t
|
{
"description": "not being friends with someone who constantly made me feel sad and stressed",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA - For not being friends with someone who constantly made me feel sad and stressed?
|
So in freshman year in my high school, I made a friend named "julie". We were best friends for 4 years. Now I do wanna say that she was usaully deppressed and sometimes suicidal and she would vent to me about her problems. Now what she would say would make me feel sad. Not that any of the things she vented about would involve me, but her personal problems. Now I'm a kind, respectful guy, I'll try to help my friends whenever I can, but the thing is, I liked her a lot, so I wanted to do my best to help her. I would become sad because I cared for her and she kept saying "I can't wait to die", which I didn't like hearing. It just would make me sad becaused I liked her and would try to make her feel better.
Well me taking her vents made me depressed sometimes aswell. Sometimes causing me to be stressed out and thinking about death. I was in high school so that was a normal emo phase I guess. But she made it worse.
So my other best friend, became her bestfriend and she came to like him (Now, I was jealous because I liked her for 4 years and have actually asked her out multiple times and was rejected all those time. We did date one time but ended quickly because she saw me as a friend, but I still asked her out because I wanted a second chance). The thing is he was getting those vents too, so he will tell me how it made him depressed too, trying to help her feel better and not think suicidal and all that stuff. So he blocked her on everything she had with him and I kept it a secret because he didn't want her to feel bad about her self because she would think it was her fault. Sooner or later, she found out and did feel bad about herself and so did he. She also found out I was part of hiding him because I would tell her lies about not knowing of him. Before this however, I finally came to myself and knew I wasn't gonna have a chance with her, so I stopped my interests with her and stopped talking to her on a daily basis. The only reason why I dealt with her depressive vents is because I liked her.
So I apologized about me lying to her and she says
"ig we're not all friends anymore huh?"
Since I've lost interest in her and was tired of the stress, there was no point in talking to her, so I say "up to you." Letting her decide.
She claimes we aren't friends anymore because friends talk to friends but I stopped talking to her anyways, but I felt like I was the asshole because I said "up to you", instead of saying "yes of course" and dealt with her problems but I didnt want to handle with her vents that made me stress and depressed.
Now, I've just been feeling bad because I was usually there to hear her vents and help her out but now idk who she talks to with her vents. It was me and her other female bestfriend but she's usually busy. As you may know already, she was pretty suicidal and I'm hoping she doesn't do anything to harm herself because now I can't help her because of me.
AITA for letting our friendship die and left her to deal with her problems?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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i39ktVmpF3XPV7OrHJIX2RUMZlFgnU5N
|
a392ku
|
{
"description": "asking my wife to see a mental health professional after she repeatedly asked me not to",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for asking my wife to see a mental health professional after she repeatedly asked me not to
|
Some background. We are both in our late twenties. She is from an east Asian culture.
My wife recently graduated with a PhD in an engineering field that isn't doing great economically. She has been self-studying and participated in a well-known bootcamp to change careers into a better paying, higher security job in the tech sector. It has been about a year since she diverted her efforts into a new field.
She is very stressed out every day. She worries constantly about each interview, to the point where she has trouble falling asleep. Today she had a headache, which stressed her out since she couldn't focus on preparing, which made her headache worse. Her outlook on life has gotten very negative, and almost every time we talk she tells me how she feels stressed because she can't find a job. Most of the text messages I get from her have to do with feeling stressed, or feeling inadequate. She also beats herself up for not acting more confident, saying that it hurt her chances when talking with companies.
From my perspective:
On one hand, I think she is overly pessimistic. She has made tremendous progress in her newly chosen field, but has received a lot of rejection letters which really hamper her confidence and drive her thoughts to dark places. It's hard to change fields, but she thinks she should have found a job by now.
On the other hand, I really worry about her because it seems like her health (both mental and physical) is suffering a lot. I want her to succeed in whatever she chooses and lead a fulfilled life, but... what I see her living right now is not a life I would wish on anyone, let alone my wife. As a couple, we are doing fine financially thanks to my job (money will never be an issue as long as I am employed, and think I'm decent at what I do). I want to help her with the stress she endures, but I don't know how. I also don't think it's an instance of that stereotype that "women just need to vent, not solve problems" -- she can't sleep! I genuinely worry for our future together and whether she will be alive for it, at the rate things are going.
This is where I genuinely need help to see clearly. She has repeatedly asked me not to ask her to see a mental health professional, and after a certain amount of time, I have always eventually asked her to see one. From her perspective, it is disrespectful that I have repeatedly gone against her wishes. I see her suffering every day, and it seems so painfully obvious to me that she needs help beyond what I can provide. My position is not coming from a place of disrespect, but from a place of concern. It is true, however, that I have repeatedly gone against her wishes.
Why doesn't she want me to ask her this? Well, there was a period of time when we weren't doing as well as a couple, maybe 2 years ago. I insisted we seek counseling. After a time, it didn't seem to be helping our marriage, so I asked for a divorce and refused to see the counselor further. Eventually we worked things out, but ever since that time, if I recommend seeking professional help for any kind of problem, she says it reminds her of that time.
Honestly, I do think IATA for what happened before. I regret it a lot. I broke her trust by asking for a divorce -- something one should never, ever do unless they are 100% going to go through with it. It will take time, a lot of time, and a lot of work to rebuild that trust, and it will never be the same. But I know I can do it now, even though I couldn't before, because I've worked on myself *a lot* learned how to manage my anxiety to the point where it's basically not an issue anymore. I don't get worked up by things like I used to, which is probably the main reason I had previously asked for a divorce -- I didn't know how to cope with my own feelings and thought it would be easier to run away.
But this isn't about what happened before. That's just context for this situation. I think she's justified somewhat, if bringing this up is indeed a trigger for trauma, but I also think it's just something we need to work past in order to address the current problem. (I mean, it does need addressing right? She's not sleeping!)
So AITA? If I am being an asshole, are there any ways for me to be a support for her in this situation beyond just listening and watching her kill herself slowly?
More generally, I am open to any and all feedback, advice, and *constructive* criticism.
PS. I'm not asking her to finance treatment herself, obviously.
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
yFt1tDCXEzzSsCnt4UMz2s32aymblcGm
|
abdo6m
|
{
"description": "wanting to instill a fear of flying into my 5 and 2 year old daughters",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 33
}
|
AITA if I want to instill a fear of flying into my 5 and 2 year old daughters?
|
That’s it, self explanatory, I am deathly afraid of planes and flying and being in the air. In my head I find planes to be so dangerous even though I know they are not. The way I see it if there is issues when you’re in the air you’re probably going to die if the plane crashes. I see it as not worth the risk.
AITA if I have tried to instill this fear in my daughters in the hopes that they never want to fly when they get older?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
9ZhIU6BUPljedrR9nhdQwn880C7tjyOZ
|
a5ch1s
|
{
"description": "quitting my job that is already short handed",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for quitting my job that is already short handed?
|
I started a job at a high-end grocery store in September and it’s been an absolute nightmare.
1. My coworkers are cruel. Incessant gossiping even when I made it clear I was uncomfortable (told me about miscarriages, divorces and inner dramatics). They guilt trip everyone about time-off, back handed comments and the works. It’s just been toxic for me.
2. My commute is 1.5 hours each way totaling 3 hours per day of traveling.
3. We work outside all day, everyday. Rain, wind, homeless people have threatened us multiple times. We don’t have a space to work inside so we basically reside in a covered tent with a heater for 8+ hours everyday.
Okay now for the asshole part:
I LOVE my bosses. I have 2 of them in my department and they’re awesome ladies! The only issue I have with either of them is that they argue with each other constantly and it makes the day intense but that’s only when they’re together. Even my store director is amazing and comes out to check on us regularly.
I’ve been planning on putting in my 2 week notice on December 15th so my last day would be Sunday December 30th, that way I wouldn’t leave them completely hanging for Christmas and New Years Eve (two of our busiest days) BUT we are already pretty short handed and one other coworker just up and quit yesterday leaving us even less covered.
Would I be the asshole for adding to my bosses stress load by quitting or should I do what’s right for myself?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
lgEWhfVENc36odMPI7PnKCWqLHfzULmN
|
atqtw7
|
{
"description": "playing Dungeons and dragons",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for playing Dungeons and Dragons?
|
I have been playing in a Dungeons and Dragons campaign for almost a year at this point. The group originally started as a bunch of strangers who met on Meetup. It was a pirate themed dark and gritty campaign, and we swashed and buckled our ways to glory and adventure. I even convinced my sister, long time closet nerd, to come out and play with us. Things were going great until last session.
For the past couple of sessions, my character was going through some trauma. His best friend died (one of the players had to leave the campaign for work reasons), the new party member was being rather confrontational to him (she claims she didn't know it was affecting me as bad as it was), and to top it off, due to a curse, he aged 25 years, going from age 24 to 49 in an instant. And even though I tried to joke it off, I was really bummed, and my character was pretty bummed too.
Cue the events of last session. We discovered that we were being duped by our employer, and had one of his henchmen tied up. A character that we had shared many a laugh with. We determined that he was not complicit in betraying us, and was just an innocent guy. He was clearly not a threat, so we untied him. That's when one of the other players decided that he was still a liability, and nuked him with a Blight spell, instantly killing him.
I basically proceeded to lose my shit. Tempers flared, harsh words were exchanged, and when the dust settled, I had to leave the session to calm down. Later, when things had calmed down, I got in contact with the DM of the game and apologized for losing my cool, but let him know that I don't want to participate in an Evil campaign. I'm not for that at all.
I was summarily belittled, talked down to, and kicked from the game. The DM claimed that I should have known the game was an Evil campaign, though it wasn't marketed that way, and that if I clearly couldn't handle something 18+. That last line was particularly hurtful, as I have been mocked for a while because I was the youngest player at the table by 10 or so years, something they have mocked me for in the past.
I feel bad about the whole situation. Especially after getting my sister involved. And while I shouldn't have reacted the way I did, I do think that it's not alright to just decide on a whim to make the campaign Evil like that. But everyone involved in the situation is painting me to be the villain, where the murderer player and the DM that let it happen are in the clear. Even my sister (who is still going to play) has been blaming me for stepping out of line.
I just want to know what others think. Just how wrong am I in this situation?
TLDR: I stayed in a DnD campaign with people whose playstyle didn't line up with mine for too long, and things boiled over. Now I'm being painted as the villain, even though the real instigators still get to play. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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WRONG
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|
b3j3qk
|
{
"description": "being bothered the sex schedule",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being bothered the sex schedule?
|
This is a weird situation that I’m not quite sure how to handle. I’ve never dealt with anything quite like it.
My gf isn’t as much of a sexual person as I am. Sometimes it’s frustrating, but I always respect it when she’s not feeling it. She’s come up with the weirdest solution though. She got a calendar and marked off days that we would have sex throughout the month.
I can appreciate that she’s trying, but this just makes me feel kinda gross. Sex should be spontaneous and something we both want. Not something planned on a calendar. What if when that day comes around and she doesn’t really feel it? If I followed the calendar that would always be in the back of my mind. Does she really want to or is this just because it’s on the schedule?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
arcwtl
|
{
"description": "bringing in an abandoned cat",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for bringing in an abandoned cat?
|
Okay so this was a while back but there was my neighbors who had a baby. They kicked out their cat and left it to die. I was tired of seeing such a sweety in so much pain so i brought him to the only cat shelter i trusted. I paid for his vaccinations and everything. They then called me the next day saying he has been slowly dying for awhile now. His liver was failing, he was starving and wouldnt eat (extremely malnourished), and he couldnt move. I was sobbing as i knew this kitty for a year now. I went in and held him as he was put down, i couldn't stop crying but i gave him kisses and sang to him and he went peacefully. My fiances brother found out and told me pretty much that i was a murderer and to take responsibility. Me being a very sensitive gal who loves all animals, hid in the room while my fiance went to the family who had oddly put up posters of the missing cat and told them which they seemed not to care. I still have problems with myself and i feel like a terrible person. But everyone is saying that i did nothing wrong.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
vTDKj14o2TFrSLKy2NqmuWdJyMGhx949
|
a4q0sf
|
{
"description": "backing out of my buddy's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for backing out of my buddy’s wedding?
|
About eight months ago my friend and his fiancé asked my wife and I to be in their wedding party. At the time, my wife was pregnant but since the wedding is in April she would have already had the baby. We ended up having a miscarriage, and after taking some time to get each other through it we’re back for round two.
This time around the baby is due two weeks after the wedding. When I told him we were pregnant again I expressed that it was going to “be a little interesting” being so close to the wedding, but that was the extent of our conversation. That was about two months ago.
Last week, he told me he wanted to meet up, and he asked me what we were thinking about being in the wedding party so close to her due date. I was honest with him, I told him that we were a little nervous because she’s never been 8 months pregnant before, and after losing our first kid we’ve been doing everything possible to mitigate stress in our life. I followed that up with “but we love you guys and we would do anything for you.” And also added that if they were uncomfortable with us being in it that I completely understood.
Ultimately I spoke with my wife and we decided to take the bench on the wedding party. He said that was fine and that they just wanted us to be happy and enjoy our time at the wedding.
Fast forward a week, a mutual friend of my wife and the bride to be says “bride is very hurt that neither you or your husband reached out to her personally about the wedding.”
So, now there’s nonsense talking behind backs, and my wife’s gut feeling was that they wouldn’t have brought it up if they didn’t want us out of the wedding.
Something I might add, is that the bride hasn’t ever texted my wife in the four years we’ve known her as far as I can remember. I don’t even know if they have each other’s numbers.
Thoughts? Opinions? Did I fuck up here?
TLDR: wife’s due date is two weeks after buddy’s wedding, so we opted out of being in the wedding party. Now bride to be is upset because we didn’t go to her directly.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
AjDjE4wWeR9O4k9qJHRuf9tuHDQzXI99
|
9xv50x
|
{
"description": "being pissed about being passed up for promotion because I'm not female or a minorty",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being pissed about being passed up for promotion because I'm not female or a minorty?
|
I was just passed up for 2 different promotions. When I pressed the bossman making the decisions he said "Look, we have this initiative to promote more women and people of color. If you were either, you would have been promoted a long time ago."
The bossman is fairly new to our department and has 4 managers under him. Two are being promoted to a different department, so there were 2 positions to fill. He asked all 4 of his managers for recommendations on who should fill the roles. Bossman told me I was the number 1 choice on on all 4 managers' lists.
I feel like an asshole because women and minorities have been discriminated against for thousands of years, but I'm still pissed about being snubbed.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
8Wl1sj770XWeGqMYWpAOIxjxDwplnHnm
|
aqk2v7
|
{
"description": "inconveniencing my group of friends by having someone in our social circle blocked",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for inconveniencing my group of friends by having someone in our social circle blocked?
|
Lengthy post, TL;DR is at the bottom.
For context, none of us have ever actually met the person that I have blocked because he lives across the country and was introduced to us through online gaming by a mutual friend. I’ll refer to him as David. I have never considered him a friend. The rest of the group consists of my close personal friends who I’ve grown up with and known since childhood.
My friends and I like to play PlayStation with each other and communicate with the “party” function. Someone creates a party and we can all join it and talk to each other through voice chat. About a year ago David was introduced to the party by a mutual friend and he’s been interacting with us ever since. Admittedly I never liked him from the start, he’s not someone that my group of friends would like had we known him in person, but I tried to be nice at first. One day my dogs were howling loudly and it was coming through the party chat so I muted my microphone because I think it’s rude and David said “you know what would make your dogs be quiet? Rat poison”. He says stupid stuff like this a lot and my friends do shit talk each other for fun, but I really didn’t like that especially coming from someone I don’t really know so from this point on I avoided dealing with him whenever possible.
A few months later he gets in an argument with one of my friends about a mistake that was made in a game to which David says “yeah well your daughter was a mistake”. When we talk shit to each other it can get pretty degenerate, but I don’t ever talk about someone’s family. This crossed the line and we all yelled at him. Some time later when I wasn’t there one of my friends went off on David and we all blocked him on all forms of social media. Life was good.
David has what I think is kind of a weird obsession with the sort of “glue” member of my friends group who everyone gravitates towards so eventually everyone unblocked him except me because my friends are too nice. I say they’re too nice because in our group text most of us have agreed we don’t like him and don’t owe him anything since we don’t actually know him outside the internet, but I’m the only one who cut ties permanently. This is where the inconveniencing starts.
We suspect David has his phone set to alert him whenever the “glue friend” logs on to PlayStation because David almost always immediately starts a party and invites him so everyone ends up in there. Being that I have David muted to where we can’t hear each other I don’t want to join his party because it would seem weird to me, but he’s *always* there. My friends think this is annoying because it usually leads to them having to create a new party before I’ll join even though I ask them not to and I just tell them I’ll play another time. It also leads to general awkwardness when we play games when both David and myself are there. They say I should grow up and just unblock him, but I have zero desire to have any interactions with someone that I detest and I don’t know why they won’t tell someone none of us really like to begin with to fuck off. Am I the asshole for not just making things easier by unblocking him?
TL;DR
Am I the asshole for causing general awkwardness for my friends by having someone I don’t like muted when we play online games?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
RJYB0cFgT23EJuCQVjpiT0KXBVOAsVuk
|
aphjaq
|
{
"description": "not telling my wife about things that happened on my stag weekend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not telling my wife about things that happened on my stag weekend?
|
My wife was at a friends at the weekend and the friends husband got too drunk and told my wife about the incident on my stag weekend, 18 months ago, about us both being caught by a doorman taking coke in the toilet of a nightclub. (He conveniently left out the part about him taking drugs)
The doorman couldn’t have been nicer about it to be fair. Just told us to stop it and maybe move on to a different club if that’s what we came here to do. We left and nothing more was said. Guy even recommended a few other bars as we walked out.
The next day my wife’s giving me a lectures about irresponsible it was. She knows I’ve taken drugs socially in the past and never really cared. All I keep hearing is what it id been arrested and charged with possession, what if the bouncers has beaten me up, what if her family had found out about it...?
I’ve explained it was 18 months ago. Nothing bad happened. Nothing like that has happened since and I don’t plan on taking coke again because I’m now married with a kid and put my family before anything else.
She’s dragging this on and on, and says I should have told her as soon and I got home and need to be 100% honest straight away about things like that. It makes her wonder what else I’ve not told her. (Which is nothing because I’m actually a fairly boring guy)
Am I the asshole for not telling straight away? Which would have potentially cancelled my wedding going by how she’s reacted 18 months on.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
2G9VivCIzVoQYFmf7oSUgmN7jufO9hKF
|
as5ww0
|
{
"description": "not wanting to play with my younger brother anymore",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to play with my younger brother anymore?
|
For a little bit of background, I'm 15, my half-brother is 10. My parents split up when I was a year old. I live with my dad throughout the week and stay at my mom's on weekends. About a year or two after that she married my step father (kind of a douchebag but I guess it could be worse). Anyways, my half brother was born when I was 5 and we've been getting along okay for the most part except for when we fight.
Yesterday, we were playing Mario Kart on the Switch that *I* got for Christmas from my dad. I was beating him every round we played and I could tell he was getting angry so I told him that we should take a little break now. Really I just didn't want him to start screaming and crying because I knew that I'd be getting yelled at before anyone even asked what happened. I told him to just relax, we'd play later. He gave in but not without ranting to his dad who said that I was mean to just stop when \[brother\] had so much fun. Well, I don't know about you guys but a 10 year old dark red in his face being so upset he was shaking does not look to me like someone having fun.
I was pissed but okay, I went into my room to relax a bit. Some time later in the day my brother came into my room, took "his" controller (the one I usually lend him) and asked if we could play again. I told him that I didn't feel like playing Mario Kart anymore today. He was getting upset and kept begging. I didn't give in so he demanded I give him my Switch so he could practice. Once he realized that that wasn't gonna happen either, he tried to grab my Switch. I got it first and put it somewhere out of his reach. He got furious and slammed the controller he was holding on the ground, then ran out of my room crying and screaming how much of a jerk I was. Well. Turns out he pretty much destroyed the controller now, I checked. There seems to be some kind of malfunction, you can't play with it properly anymore.
A few moments after that, my mom came into my room yelling at me how horrible I was yadda yadda.
Now I'm fairly positive I wasn't an asshole in this situation.
What I do wanna know is, AITA for not wanting to play with my brother at all anymore? Shit like this happens every single weekend and I'm sick of it. I pretty much only get in trouble with them when it's about their "golden boy" (which in turn makes me the rotten boy or what?). I know this isn't really his fault, he's just a kid with anger issues but still I can't stand it anymore. I'm sick of spending my weekends stressing about doing something small to set off my brother and then getting yelled at. I know at first I will get into trouble for making him cry because I won't play with him but in the long run I think it will benefit me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
vR7u4wmVnjXEjf2MXxiV9lFMsX26u9d5
|
aqjabe
|
{
"description": "not wanting clothes for my kid obtained by a lie",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting clothes for my kid obtained by a lie?
|
On mobile so apologies. Also this happened during Christmas. Gift exchange along 4 families; two of which I see as my sisters but one, J, has a very needy childish friend who demanded to be part. We get our assignments and J's friend is to get something for us. My daughter ends up with come Old Navy clothes but on the wrapping paper is a note that J's friend got these clothes by telling this Facebook group that my child was destitute and wouldn't have Christmas. J begged me not to being it up because she can't handle anyone being upset but I'm thinking about contacting this Facebook group and telling them the truth.
TL;Dr to avoid buying gifts a friend's friend told a Facebook group that my child was essentially an orphan to get stuff.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
22Od9NAKXVdJg3jacEYTf4gaojHPiHGt
|
a1klle
|
{
"description": "answering obvious scam calls and cussing out the would be scammers for as long as they will let me",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for answering obvious scam calls and cussing out the would be scammers for as long as they will let me?
|
I know it isn’t productive and won’t actually stop the calls. If I make these people’s day even slightly shittier for preying on the ignorant and elderly it’s worth it for me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
RIGHT
|
zFrMjSrnuOcqv6jXfZFXf1Unxq9ZLP3A
|
ai57hb
|
{
"description": "not finding black girls attractive",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA For not finding Black girls attractive?
|
I'M NOT TRYING TO RACE BAIT OR LIE OR ANYTHING HERE I PROMISE.
For some context here I'm 22 and half brown (indian)/half white my best friend knows I'm single and open to meeting some girls right now and she asked if I was down to go on a blind date with her friend. I said sure let me see a pic but she said no she wants it to a be true blind date. I thought this was interesting and she set it up for us to meet infront of this restaurant downtown. Long story short we met and she was this nice black girl, and we went in and had a good time getting to know each other, I was a perfect gentleman and I paid and everything. At the end of the night when we were taking an uber back to where we live, (we live walking distance apart coincidentally) I didn't like initiate any intimacy or anything and just gave her a hug and said have a good night. Didn't invite her up or anything like that, the next day my friend calls me up and she's like aww my friend really liked you and thought you'd try kissing her or inviting her up. And I had to break it to her while trying my hardest to not be racist that I'm not into black girls. I just never have been into black girls but never really told anyone I guess but my dating history/hookups would convey that I like that basic white girl Canada Goose wearing, hunter boot/ugg wearing/ 10k followers on instagram/ goes to Western ( My Ontario Mans will know this one) girl.
My friend said that was shitty and racist and I'm an asshole for not being into WOC because she thought I was since I have been with some spanish girls and brown girls. But I said I'm a POC too, I'm half indian and I don't think someones dating preferences or what they find attractive can make them an asshole or racist
​
AITA and or Racist?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 15,
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"NOBODY": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
Py4NAqlOstvm5NPBo9K70cupdCUREMmo
|
azeh7m
|
{
"description": "punching someone who smacked me in the head and grabbed my shirt",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for punching someone who smacked me in the head and grabbed my shirt
|
This happened last night while on a date with a girl I was seeing.
It was around the 10th time we've had a date and we decided to visit a new Bar/Restaurant in our area. We went in and the place was very busy, but the bar itself had some space so we decided on that. I am a Detroit Red Wings fan (NHL Hockey team), and was wearing a hat with their logo on it. As we went to sit down a guy sitting at a table nearby said, "The Red Wings are shit and we don't want their fans here". I turned and looked and he had a big grin on his face. Figuring he was just joking around I grinned back and we sat down.
We had a couple drinks, and maybe an hour had passed. We were talking and I hear from the same guy, "Must not have heard me when I said the Red Wings are shit". I heard him the first time and I was hearing him now. My back was towards him and I chose not to acknowledge it or turn around. All of a sudden I took a massive smack to the side of my head. It was hard enough that it knocked my hat off, which seemed to be his intention, and nearly knocked me off the elevated bar stool I was on.
I was angry of course, so almost immediately I grabbed my hat and headed for the door. I only got about 2 steps before he grabbed the hood part of the hooded sweater I was wearing, and pulled me back towards him. I spun around and threw a punch that hit him in the mouth/jaw area. He fell to his ass, but instantly got up and headed towards me before a few people close by got in between us and said that's it that's it.
The guy went the other direction and into the washroom. The bar manager came over and said he wasn't going to call the police, but that I needed to leave. I paid and we left. We took a cab home which was a completely silent ride. We stopped at my house first, and I asked if she wanted to come in and she said no. We said goodnight and I went inside.
An hour or so later she called me and said she didn't want to see me anymore. I obviously knew the reason, but I didn't think what I did was unreasonable so I asked, why? She said that I embarrassed her, and that she doesn't want to spend time around someone who uses violence to solve a problem. I asked her what she thought I was supposed to do, and she said I should have just walked away. I just said ok, and that was the end of the conversation.
I don't feel like an asshole and I wouldn't do anything different if it happened again, but AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
YQYNNUAyVCEqc0gkhs1v0jGaGH7jG7sN
|
b6kwb4
|
{
"description": "reporting the grocery cashier for always shit-talking at customers in another language",
"pronormative_score": 97,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA if I report the grocery cashier for always shit-talking at customers in another language?
|
I'm Korean fully bilingual in English and Korean, but I look Japanese and I live in an area known for Japanese population.
I have been going to a neighborhood Korean grocery store every week for almost a year, and I am certain all the employees think I'm Japanese because they always speak English to me and never in Korean, which they will do if they assume the customer is Korean.
One particular female Korean cashier always shit-talks at customers by mumbling in Korean while checking out. But I let it pass thinking her job must be stressful and tedious. Nothing highly offensive but just complaining about customers being demanding or making her life hard.
Couple days ago whilst checking out, natto was on sale for $.99 each but it was registered as $1.49 each. I told her the price is wrong on the register, and so she had to cancel the whole transaction, fix the price, and re-run all the items.
Unsurprisingly she then mumbled "Why are you fucking with me for 50 cents? Why not go back to Japan if you care so much about saving 50 cents. Always lurking around the store for sale items as if you're broke". I stared at her dead-straight as she said it right in front of me, but she just avoided eye contact and checked out.
She does her job and seems friendly with others when she talks in Korean, but I'm now very much bothered to face her again. And the grocery store only has two registers and almost always I'll run into her or check out with her.
I just want to tell the manager to make her stop shit-talking in Korean but I don't want her to be in the risk of getting fired. I'm pretty sure all the employees are going to freak out that I've been Korean the whole time, especially her.
AITA if I report the manager about her?
TL;DR Korean grocery store cashier doesn't know I'm Korean and always shit-talks at customers, did it to me recently as well, want to report her to the manager but don't want her fired.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 94,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 97,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
RIGHT
|
aWA7d7LmW0sDkd1yYPPdg20RvMjIhsTw
|
as6tgq
|
{
"description": "being angry my partner didn't disclose that his family disliked my breed of dog",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being angry my partner didn’t disclose that his family disliked my breed of dog?
|
So here’s the situation. My partner (M/29) and I (F/31) have been looking into adopting a dog for awhile. Last week we found an adorable sweetheart of a pit bull, 3 year old female. She came home with us on trial and was so well behaved. We wanted our family and friends to meet her as part of the trial. Everyone loved her until my partner’s parents came over to our home to meet her. As soon as they entered the house, there was this immediate tension. His mother made a shocked comment about the dog’s breed and both of his parents stood glued to the door obviously uncomfortable. The dog picked up on the tension and started acting skittish and even growled at them.
They left quickly and soon after we got a message from his mother stating that they would never enter our home with the dog present and refused to be around her. At this point I’m angry and completely confused.
My partner finally explains that his parents have preconceived opinions. He also tells me that he personally had a bad experience with a pit and was not comfortable with the entire adoption.
Am I in the wrong here for being extremely angry that, first off, he didn’t tell me his family’s opinions or his own experience? And second, he didn’t tell his mother before coming over so she would have know what to expect?
In the end, we have to end the trial and give this sweet girl back. In addition, I am worried if his mother’s opinions are going to make such a huge impact on our relationship and decisions? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
KuS37bBevGCvnhrvRQcjW5KbytuKJIRN
|
b7ko06
|
{
"description": "ghosting my mom 3 years ago",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ghosting my mom 3 years ago?
|
Not brief backstory: I'm the youngest of four, and the only girl. My brother's are 5 -8 years older. When I was 10 my family moved to another town my mom told my dad he wasn't going to be moving in with us. We lived in a very rural town and my dad moved to a nearby city.
At that time my brothers were in their late teens and weren't around a lot. After the move my mom became incredibly emotionally abusive and manipulative, especially towards me. Without getting into too much detail she tried to convince me that men are evil and would only ever be interested in me for sex, implied that my own dad shouldn't be trusted around me b/c 'he thought of me the same way he used to think about her', she repeatedly would talk shit about my dad to me and my brother's and encouraged us to join in, told us stories that painted him in a horrible light, would coax me to skip the weekends I was suppose to see him, ect. When I asked for money she would tell me to get a job but when I wanted to apply to one she wouldn't let me a because it would be too much of a burden on her and my brother's to drive me to work. As well, from the age of 12 onward I wanted to move in with my dad and when I told her she would tell me things like "if you move in with him I won't get anymore money and I won't be able to afford the house", or "you'll have to go to court and tell everyone in court why you want to live with him and not with me".
When I was 16 I was dating a guy for 6 months and wanted to go on birth control, we weren't having sex yet but I wanted to be safe. She REFUSED to take me to the doctor. I tried to talk to her, even asked my boyfriends mom to talk to her, and she wouldn't budge. She thought me going on birth control was an excuse to be a slut. So my boyfriends mom said she would take me after school without my mom knowing. The morning of I took a $20 from my mom's wallet thinking I could pay for the birth control. I knew my bf's mom would offer to pay, but I felt so not in control of the situation I just wanted to do one thing for myself, even if it was paying for it. (I know that doesn't justify it, and what I did was wrong, I just remember feeling so helpless.) My mom caught me and yelled at me and I panicked out and ran out of the house. I was genuinely afraid of her. That day I called my dad, told him everything and lived with him from that point on.
I've tried to give my mom another chance. And when we talk about what happened in the past she dismisses it and says she did nothing wrong.
So 3 years ago (I was 21) she came to see me, spent the day with me and my boyfriend, and when she left I decided I no longer wanted her in my life, and haven't spoken to her since. Not even to tell her why I haven't reached out. Just kinda of ghosted her. My dad and boyfriend think I should reach out to her.
Am I the asshole?
TL;DR: my mom was emotionally abusive and manipulative, 3 years ago I decided I wanted her out of my life and ghosted her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
jJCI1bxw9odAW3742QdDQOS7b9gd3oeC
|
b9eyfq
|
{
"description": "hanging up on my dad when he really needs someone right now",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for hanging up on my dad when he really needs someone right now?
|
Bit of a back story,
​
My parents are immigrants, and can barely speak the language here regardless of being in the country for 30+ years.
I was severely abused as a child (beaten to the point of hospitalization on a couple occasions). I took these beatings often times for myself and to protect my little sisters (all of us are girls). My dad is an alcoholic and my mom has joined him in drinking over the years. He's had multiple DUI's caused a lot of family issues, financial issues for us, my mom never was willing to leave him, I stuck around to protect my sister because my mom was always working. We are all adults in our mid-late 20's now, great jobs and making a decent amount of money enough to support our own lives.
My dad recently got out of jail, we used this time to get my mom back on her feet, she's working again now and seemed to be "okay". We've tried to put my dad in therapy, rehab, everything to waste money we didn't have and it's been a long hopeless road that we are not willing to die on.
I got a call while at work this morning, my dad was wasted, stole my moms car, drove himself to the probation officers office and was not able to understand what was required of him. This is not a new things for us, I pick up and the probation officer told me that he had denied the fact that he drank or that he drove (he hasn't had a license in 10 years due to multiple DUI's). I asked her to put the phone on speaker, explain to him what she was saying and hung up. He's been calling me to help him, I've been ignoring it, my mom's been calling me, which I'm sure is to leave work and go help him, but I really don't want to, I've wasted enough of my time on this BS. I'm happy, siblings are safe and happy, I'm not willing to deal with this.
The issue is that my mom is doing well, going to work properly and getting her mental health in check, if I choose not to help, my mom will fall back into drinking with him, stop going to work to drive him around to these appointments, and I'll end up with 2 alcoholic parents again.
AITA here if I continue to refuse to help?
I don't know what my options are..I'm just tired after having made soo many sacrifices for my wellness and my siblings wellness.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
gWauR74zuzhURLcTnemgIB1Tv75KYWW1
|
aq84b8
|
{
"description": "telling a guy I've been dating for about a month that I'd rather work on Valentine's Day than hang out with him, even after finding out his elaborate and romantic plan",
"pronormative_score": 55,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for telling a guy I've been dating for about a month that I'd rather work on Valentine's Day than hang out with him, even after finding out his elaborate and romantic plan?
|
I met "Jeremy" about a month ago on Tinder. We had a nice first date and agreed to see each other again and in the last month I've seen him maybe 2-3 times a week. It's definitely not a "fireworks at first sight" situation but I like him and it's one of those relationships that are great for what they are, and MAYBE there's a chance of something more developing someday. But I just don't feel any real spark but I like him more and more every time I see him so again, MAYBE there will be a spark eventually.
I saw him on Sunday and he took me to a hockey game which is my favorite sport. I had to work so I met him there and as he was walking me back to my car he asked what my Valentine's Day plans are. I told him very directly that it's not really a holiday I care to celebrate and I preferred to work anyways since it's usually really good money. We aren't really to the kiss goodbye point so I gave him a hug and thought that was that.
I'm super busy this week so I didn't plan on seeing Jeremy at all but then last night I got this call from him at like 8pm and it was clear he'd been drinking. He first asked me if I'd reconsider. I told him that I was sorry that I was already on the schedule for work. He then went into this tirade that he'd spent the last two weeks getting dinner reservations at the nicest restaurant in town (as an aside...thanks dude...made me feel good that the restaurant I work at isn't the nicest even though we have a Michlelin star), a carriage ride and then a rose petal bath back at his apartment (we have not been intimate yet!). I told him that I was very clear with him that I would rather work and aside from that I'm just not into the holiday and after seeing me for almost a month, I hoped he'd get the idea that I'm way more of a hockey game followed by hot wings girl as opposed to rose petals.
He then literally told me I was acting like an asshole and told me that the relationship had two parts and maybe that HE liked rose petals and baths and romantic dinners. I told him that was great and I'm not opposed to those things, but I really wanted to work because I'm saving money for my Eurail trip this summer. That caused a whole other thing because I guess I hadn't told him that I'm leaving for the summer. Anyways he hung up on me.
This morning he texted me sort of like a non apology/apology and that made me feel bad and that maybe I should give him a chance especially if he did work so hard to get a reservation and make these plans. But on the other hand I was pretty clear with him what my plans were when he asked and it's really not my fault that he made elaborate and romantic plans for what was a two week old relationship at that point.
I'm very, very torn. Am I the asshole?
edit: using a new reddit account. Pray for Moja.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 51,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 55,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
RIGHT
|
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