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4vTdTSJ47AxFt9bPsffrFJd2v2w5KGGy
|
a1i9np
|
{
"description": "potentially skipping my friends vacation wedding",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for potentially skipping my friends vacation wedding?
|
My buddy got engaged three weeks ago and they already booked a wedding at an all exclusive resort in Jamaica for the end of June 2019. He's now texting everyone the travel agent's information and telling us to book our room ASAP since they could only reserve a few rooms for the wedding party. For the minimum stay of 3 nights + flights, my GF and I are looking at $2,600 for a room that's a basic hotel room with a view of the "tropical gardens". My GF is in grad school and already dealing with a lot of student loan debt (>$100k) and most likely won't be able to make the wedding due to her school schedule. I'm not going to push for her to go since her student loans are very stressful for her. If she doesn't go, I'm looking at a $2,000 3 day vacation for this wedding. I'm seriously considering not going and I feel like a jerk and cheapskate. Also, I've know this guy since high school and I'm assuming he's planning to ask me to be in the wedding party. AITA?
​
TLDR: I'm considering skipping my friend's wedding in Jamaica due to cost and relatively short notice. I feel like an asshole, but I also feel justified if I don't go.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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RIGHT
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a87wgs
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{
"description": "keeping my MIL very distanced from our family",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for keeping my MIL very distanced from our family?
|
My husband and I have been mrried for 10 years and have 3 kiddos.
During this time my MIL has posted major personal info about me on FB. Did not deny that she chooses her daughter and oldest granddaughter over her son (my husband). Not asked permission to share photos of our kids. (We don't allow photos to be shared to try and keep them safer.) Has purposely fed our oldest kid items that we asked her not to due to a possible allergy or threw away food that I made for my daughters breakfast bc she said I was forcing my daughter to eat and going to make her fat. (Pot meet kettle) When confronted over these matters, she cries, throws a fit and proceeds to tell us that it's her house and her grandkids so she can do what she wants. If we don't like to get out, so we left the house. When FIL asked us to come back we agreed and I was given the silent treatment for our remaining time there and the night before we left to come overseas MIL hugged and said be safe to everyone. I got a pat on the head like dog.
Now we're going back stateside and will be 3 hrs from the in laws and am dreading it all. She seems to think nothing is wrong, grandkids will be spending nights with them and they will have free access to our life and kids. Husband and I have talked and agreed that this will NOT be happening nor will the kids be spending any time alone with her.
AITA for not wanting her to have much of time with our family?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
eRfB64bPHKukyEHrkvXzJhF4P11ImcXi
|
affk4h
| null |
AITA for snitching?
|
I’m out with my friends at this bar a few nights ago. It’s a chill place, downstairs has a live band with a pub vibe and the upstairs is more club/dancing. My friends and I are waiting to order drinks at the upstairs bar. As we’re waiting, we notice the bartender is clearly fucked up, dropping things, and unable to walk straight or speak coherently. There are now about 15-20 people waiting to get served, and you can clearly feel the frustration growing from everyone. He suddenly starts trying to put on a show by flipping a vodka bottle and clumsily dropping it, and although it was pretty funny, most of the customers were getting pretty impatient with this guy. Finally after what feels like half an hour, he gets to me and my friends, and we order. He completely fucks it up and has to spend another 10 min before we actually get our drinks.
At this point, I’m pretty pissed and decided to do something about the fact that nobody at this upstairs area was getting served. After I finish my drink, I go to the downstairs area and explain the situation to another bartender, ending it with “so yeah, the bartender upstairs might be fucked up and you might want to check it out.” The guy says thanks for letting him know and serves me a drink, telling me it’s on the house. He coincidentally turned out to be a manager. At the end of the night, I felt bad for snitching, not realizing that I could potentially get the bartender upstairs fired and rob him of his financial security (I don’t know how well off he’d be without the job). Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 12,
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
pq006icfD6xJZlE2xJnVTvPF6hBOmRcF
|
auofoq
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my boyfriend after getting a good job",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 44
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend after getting a good job?
|
I’m 29 and my now ex boyfriend, Justin is 20. We had been dating for a little over a year. I’m to lack of a better word piss poor and to make a living I had been taking odd jobs here and there. One of those jobs was cleaning apartments. The area I live in is becoming gentrified so you have low income apartment dwellers like me next to to upper class people like Justin living in luxury condos just couple miles away.
I met Justin as I got hired to clean his apartment. Justin has Aspergers and was a awkward at first, but he’s a sweetheart you know. We got to know each other pretty well, he was funny and attractive and before you know it I took his virginity and we started having sex. I was going to tell him its strictly casual, but he started to like me a lot and he would buy me groceries, new clothes like a really nice winter coat, and I had even moved in with him out of my crumbling apartment building. I had lost my job with the apartment cleaning company as well and had to get a lower paying one so Justin was kind of my meal ticket.
Don’t get me wrong Justin’s nice, he’s attractive, and he’s good in bed, but I just don’t love him like he does. Recently though I got offered and took a really good job at another cleaning company that paid really well. I’ve built up a hefty amount savings because I didn’t have many expenses with Justin. I broke up with him a week ago and he’s devastated, I tried to console him and tell him he’d find another girl, but he wouldn’t hear it. I told him we could still be like friends with benefits, but that just made him angry. I moved out and into a new apartment, but I still kind of feel bad about Justin.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 44,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
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|
WRONG
|
KhJF6ry0izrYxCBnXPkpcxsuN0DqEntd
|
ax1dlc
|
{
"description": "being annoyed at my friend for always complaining about their life",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being annoyed at my friend for always complaining about their life?
|
Throwaway account because they have reddit.
​
So, my friend has had a pretty crappy life and has health issues. I try to be understanding and listen to them, allow them to rant and such but lately it's been a bit overwhelming. It's just I feel more like a therapist then a friend and whenever I complain about things they always seem to bring up something about themselves that's worse, like they have to one up me or something?? Like I'm sick and I tell my friend but they immediately bring up how they're shoulders and knees are killing them and how they want a shower. Or how they're always complaining about their family or about not having money, etc. Like, I understand wanting to rant and complain about shit going on in your life but I feel like it's a constant, and I can't help but be a bit annoyed at the fact that this is basically 80% of their dialogue. I want to be there for them but at the same time I don't just want to be a therapist, I want to have a friend.
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
EzTU2oHj8RGCEFOrjD8jexXaIeSarbly
|
9tmgqx
| null |
AITA for how I handled the fight with my friend.
|
I guys, I'm male, 18, and there is a girl in my class which was my best friend, It's one year that we don't talk anymore.
All starts 2 years ago, I met J (as I will call her from now on) and we get along very well. I want to specify that I have always seen her as a friend and nothing more, for some people hanging out with a girl always means you are togheter but this wasn't the case at all. Our friendship strenghtned when we both had a fight with some our classmates, after that she said multiple times that wouldn't have anything to do with our class except me and few others. In this time I told J many times that I was not of the same idea and in the fight with our classmates, I asked to do not bring it up again as we both said some stupid things.
The end of our friendship begun exacly one year ago. We were discussing about a school trip with our classmates (the details are not important) when a classmate of ours start provoking J in a very aggressive way at which she responded with fury. I asked J many times to do not engage a fight with our classmates since I wanted a more calm year and at that time I was a bit depressed. J started saying that she hated everyone and also that I was the only person she liked. In that moment I felt manipolated from J, not only because she completely ignored what I asked her but also because I felt dragged in a side with which I did not agree. I stood up and said that I didn't liked her behavior, then I went away.
The next day I tried to behave like nothing happened since I thought the discussion of the day before was not that important, but J said to me that I hurt her and I should have given the reason to her the day before, unconditionally as she was my friend. I didn't excused my self and I got angry even more.
After that she never talked to me again, I tried some times to talk to her but after she just ignored, after 2 or 3 tries I gave up.
But the reason I'm writing this here is that now the seem like friend with everyone in class, even with the people she hated.
I would like to know if in this story its me that really fucked up.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
aPkSZKdRPnSxDCUFJJzUhaugnsMW8cBn
|
a2lfp7
|
{
"description": "feeling like people advocate hard for depression/anxiety and nothing else",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for feeling like people advocate hard for depression/anxiety and nothing else?
|
I want to start off by saying I think it's great that they're doing that but I feel like people advocate so hard for depression and anxiety because those people can be "fixed". People with Bipolar, BPD, DID, Schizo, ect just get like... pushed to the side even though people are like "We're mental health advocates." No one's mind EVER jumps to that. It's always 'suicide, depression and anxiety' awareness.
​
I can't even talk about the medications I take at my job without receiving "hushing" and/or dirty looks from my co-workers but if someone is having an anxiety attack they're treated totally different. Is this just a me thing, AITA??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
R2tS5n7nmLnZwkjFUzlbxksU6rYEGOaI
|
b4yunw
|
{
"description": "throwing away toys left in my yard by neighbor kids",
"pronormative_score": 89,
"contranormative_score": 45
}
|
AITA: I throw away toys left in my yard by neighbor kids
|
So there is back story here but without making this too long-my next door neighbors on either side of our house-do not get along with us. Mostly due to just being very different types of people. There were some issues of their kids bullying my kids. And the wife got pissy with me one day because I told her to keep her dog on a leash and out of my yard after he jumped on my autistic son and scared him.
Anyway, we don't speak to them or hang out with them. We happily ignore each other. However- I have made it clear to the neighbors that since we are not buddies, I don't want their kids hanging out in my yard or leaving things in my yard.
My kids never go into their yards or leave things in their yards. I make sure of this.
However, their kids are always walking through our yard back and forth to each other's houses. Meandering their football games or kickball games into our yard. And then consequently leaving items in my yard.
To this date I have found: A baseball glove, 10+ baseballs, 2 footballs, a frisbee.
I used to leave them there and they stayed out there for infinity without them claiming them. So I started throwing them back into their yard. But now, I just immediately throw them away.
One day me and the neighbor Dad almost came to blows because his kid left the baseball glove in my yard and I threw it away. When they came back to ask me about it I told him straight up I threw it away.
AITA for taking things left on my property and throwing them away especially after I asked them multiple times to stay out of my yard and not to leave things in my yard?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 29,
"OTHER": 89,
"EVERYBODY": 16,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 89,
"WRONG": 45
}
|
RIGHT
|
cWcLywBXDsPTpDsMhKScUIj9zxfR18fj
|
aij7cl
|
{
"description": "wanting a family ring back from stepmom",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting a family ring back from stepmom?
|
Ok so let me get the story straight, so this girl the wife of my dads best friend cheated on my mother with my dad (I didn't find out about this until a year ago) due to mental problems and a 3 years later they had a boy and then a couple years after that a second one. The only reason I was with them was because of my dad, I used to stay with them every Thursday and every second weekend with my dad.
But my dad became very ill of pancreatic cancer and visits became fewer and fewer and he was becoming weaker and weaker (due to failing organs and chemotherapy) and he told me the story about this ring he had and how it was my great grandfathers ring in which he got it from Vietnam when fighting there. He told me that when he passed that I could have it and I should give it to my eldest son as it had been passed on from his dad. This was very important to him and to me.
Fast forward few months and he had done his time and had passed away. I was very sad and then it turned to anger when i asked for the ring back and my stepmom said no he gave it to me as a wedding ring. So I tried for a little bit but ended up giving up. So I said since I know you don't fish I was wondering if I could have my dad old fishing gear ( me and my dad fished a lot) she said that she fished all the time and she was going to use it, this made me suspicious because me and my dad have always invited her to fishing but she always said no. She also kept all my dads guns and she doesn't even shoot. She won't give a single thing of my dads to me even though she knows we loved to fish and shoot on the range.
Ok so this was all 2 years ago and I haven't tried to get it back since. Am I the asshole. Are we all the assholes. Please be the judge.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
BeAZRCqpKK6neI4gdNCdF9eVtbPu3Xl5
|
ak9gsa
|
{
"description": "leaving my friends to hang out with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for leaving my friends to hang out with my girlfriend.
|
So I go to a all girls school (yes that means I'm gay) and there is a all boys school right next to us owned by the same company and there is this little cross space that all of the highschoolers hang out at cuase the highschoolers are allowed to go off campus for lunch so both school go there and that's how we get to know eachother well my friends(15M/15M/15F) were all hanging out and my girlfriend texted me saying "it's to cold to come to the cross can we eat together inside" so I say "sure give me 5 I'm at the cross now" so i tell my friends I got to go and everything was fine up till last night when I got home from school and everyone was saying how I detched them for "my bitch" I tell them to fuck off and that was the end of it I haven't talk to them all today and mostly been hanging out with my online friends.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
V3vZI8PVCuTbMJJ8gi1oTxmBPOgMZgax
|
aj9gju
|
{
"description": "not being thankful to my mom",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not being thankful to my mom?
|
Let me explain: For Thanksgiving (2018) my calculus teacher assigned us to make a thank you letter to our parents that would be mailed to them on exactly Thanksgiving. My parents just got divorced, and are currently living at separate addresses. I wrote two pages to my dad about how much he’s taught me, how I’m who I am to him, everything you would expect. I had some friends and even my favorite teachers to read over it to make sure it was perfect, and I ended up making My english and anatomy teacher well up, along with a few classmates cry. I poured my absolute heart into this letter. I turned it in with confidence that I said what I wanted my dad to know. After all, I love him to death.
Here’s the problem: I didn’t write anything for my mom. I didn’t want to. I couldn’t stretch to write a paragraph, much less a page. I wouldn’t budge to fake it, or write some generic garbage as a nice gesture. I don’t know if it was bitterness, spite, or just negative parts of our relationship taking focus of anything I was thankful for.
My dad received his letter Thanksgiving day, and he loved it. He asked if he could show his friends how great his son was and whatnot. My mom didn’t get anything that day. To be fair, she doesn’t even know about the letter and she doesn’t know that I couldn’t write half a page of nice things about her. However, she loves me and I don’t think It’s fair that I silently resent her. I feel like I’m the only one in the family that she really has right now, and she probably needs someone to love her right now.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
INFO
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
yJCJIXmirQgu9dpU6NmxTJjEoCWt2jAY
|
b6rs2g
|
{
"description": "getting upset over my bf masturbating to other girls",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for getting upset over my bf masturbating to other girls?
|
Am I the asshole for being angry at my boyfriend for masturbating to a specific girl online repeatedly? This has really upset me but I was wondering if it is a normal thing for guys to do in a relationship even though he has pictures of his girlfriend and could always ask her to send more. (To clarify, neither of us know this girl in real life and she is not a pornstar. She posts pictures of her ass and tits though.) Would this be considered cheating? Should I go as far as to break up with him over it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 4
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
RIGHT
|
3pHH21PT76n3iCPJ6kCPcFSOaLZI1SE9
|
a8pyze
|
{
"description": "not wanting my friend to hang out with someone they met online",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for not wanting my friend to hang out with someone they met online?
|
So basically about 1 month ago me and my friends were playing video games, and we met a guy I'll call L on discord. L and my friend who I'll call C started playing and hanging out more often. This doesn't really bother me. However, L booked a flight to our state over winter break and C planned to hang out with him for 2 days. I find this just SO weird that he would fly over here. Like why can't he just make friends IRL or in his own state? It was just so weird to me and basically, I told L to cancel the flight and not come because I didn't think he would actually come. I got into an argument and my friend R and A who agreed with me kicked him from the discord. I removed L from all my social media and cut off contact with him. I told C that if he hangs out with L over winter break than I'm not friends with him. C is saying that I'm just being a dick so I would like to know if I am actually being an asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
nWitLU4CXg78UB5hmjMDTCxdMUmIAe4p
|
b2jruw
|
{
"description": "quitting my job as their busy season approaches",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I quit my job as their busy season approaches?
|
I posted on this sub a few weeks ago about my work. I have a lot of downtime, and that coupled with the fact that I don't get paid very much, has made me want to pursue other options after only 1 month.
I've now been here for a little over 2 months. I'm still just as bored, slowly updating my resume and occasionally checking LinkedIn and Indeed for jobs I think I might like. But mostly on Reddit and Pinterest all day.
Today, Monday morning, I get to work and open an email saying me and my coworker's pay is going to be cut by up to 15%.
It's a giant company based on sales of several different types of products. From my understanding, the product that my branch is selling is the only product making any money. All the other branches are hemorrhaging money. They had a massive layoff last month and let go of about a third of total employees.
I feel like I landed on a sinking ship that I didn't know was going down.
I took this job as a small stepping stone to get to the next higher-up job title, but with a different company. I planned on staying here for only 6-8 months initially. I'm not learning any skills, no new software, nothing.
My question is, our busy season is coming up. If I left, that would leave my 2 coworkers with the same job as me to pick up my work. Although I don't have nearly as much work as they do, they're already swamped, and this'll just add more to their plate. They have been nothing but nice to me, and I don't want to do that to them. I want to leave on as good of terms as I can, in case I need a reference in the future. WIBTA if I did that to them?
Sorry for the long post. I'm sitting at my desk, having written this right after our meeting where my boss explained the email. I just got my email from him about my new rate. It doesn't seem like that much when it's put into hourly terms, but those hours and dollars add up, and it's definitely at least $1,000 less per year, if not more.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
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}
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
AhSyC8FxZZqCtfz9zuJ9BIBlfbj8vc8n
|
9yubi1
|
{
"description": "telling a friend his wife wasn't welcome at my place",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For Telling A Friend His Wife Wasn’t Welcome At My Place?
|
For years now, I’ve held a board game day at my place (my old apartment and now the new one). I’m not very socially extroverted so I really enjoy game day because it’s a time for me to have fun with my friends.
A friend of mine use to be a regular at these game days, and before moving away, use to bring his then girlfriend (now wife) to game day as well. Things were mostly fine with her there, but more often than not she would make the day not fun.
At first she seemed fine but the more I observed her the less I liked being around her. It’s not the fact that she would sandbag games for her husband or just outright complain throughout the game. But her demeanor and just bad energy. She would often yell at and/or berate my friend in front of all of us or quickly get drunk and then handsy to my friend to and extent that it would make everyone uncomfortable. There are a number of other details about her that are less than kind and don’t want to get into right now.
They are back in town for the holidays. We also both have a very good mutual friend whom I heard from that my buddy just planned on showing up with his wife to game day. Respectfully I texted this buddy to let him know that while he is welcome, his wife is not. Expected drama ensued.
Am I the asshole for letting my friend know that I didn’t want someone that I didn’t want in my home?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 13,
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}
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
LqpVxQu9pM24Q5Ku3bC8hwsIe2ujEBk1
|
9xzera
|
{
"description": "wanting my mom to break up with someone",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for wanting my mom to break up with someone?
|
My mom got separated in July, and last night she told me she’s been seeing a guy since early August. He is, according to her, very nice. She’d known him for years. I’ve met him a few times. Our dog is one of his dogs puppies. This guy has been seeing my mom for months, maybe even longer, and none of us have known. I feel extremely uncomfortable about this, and it seems kind of hypocritical, as she claims dating and seeing people isn’t good for people like her, who are independent and focus on themselves. However, my sister and mom and I have been looking for a house and she’s applying for a new (very great, would make double the money we make now) job as a CEO. There is so much going on right now and I’m uncomfortable knowing that she’s with this guy all the time rather than looking for a house for us or spending time building onto her resume for the new job, or spending times with us. My sister is seven, her parents JUST got divorced, and she can’t understand that mom has moved on (far too quickly in my opinion). Would I be an asshole to ask her to stop seeing him? Am I an asshole for thinking this already??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
Zq6S3FLt2vx8Z7fqGYEsxahK9OGK439a
|
b2z4pp
|
{
"description": "demanding people leave apartment hallway trash free",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA: For demanding people leave apartment hallway trash free?
|
New person or persons moved in on a Friday afternoon, then left a big cardboard box filled with other cardboard boxes, broken plastic tote lids, and two bags of garbage in the hall until Monday evening.
I had had enough so I pushed their pile over, and kicked the boxes and yelled TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR SHIT!!!
And in 20 minutes it was cleaned up.
They reported me to management saying I “broke” some of their things although it was clearly trash and I saw all items in the dumpster.
I was fined $20 but two neighbors down the hall gave me a high five.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
yYlSHNgFelAnn2RKukaxS6GwQ1vVT6D0
|
atn361
|
{
"description": "changing my mind on about going to a school dance with a girl",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA(Would I be an asshole) if I change my mind on about going to a school dance with a girl?
|
Hi, so another school post. INFO: 15, F. In a releationship with a guy.
Girl: 14, single. Grade below
Every year, we have 3 dances; homecoming, snow fest, and prom. Only two are available for 7th-12th, prom is 11th-12th and 10th if invited. Homecoming passed, now its snow fest's turn. She asked me to snow fest and I said, "Just as friends." She frowned and I said it again "Just. As. Friends." And she grinned as her brother quotes "A creep smirk"
I didn't mind, but she bought me a Valentine's day card the school gives out each year. It was "I love you everything you DEW" with a Mountain Dew and a cherry sucker. She drew me on the back, but my head was gone and had a creepy shadow behind me. So, would I be the asshole for changing my mind because im uncomfortable and dont have any romantic interest in her.
WIBTA If I change my mind because I am uncomfortable and feel like she doesnt understand that I dont like her romantically?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
HYoLRIhLbrxUMl93mnVsIkNYYc9LSzaF
|
b3qxe2
|
{
"description": "not sticking up for myself when a really scary guy called me names on public transit",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not sticking up for myself when a really scary guy called me names on public transit?
|
Last night I was coming home from work on the bus. I was exhausted but there was no place to sit so I had to stand for maybe 10 minutes. When a seat opened up I took it. I am very, very overweight so I usually try to sit away from people so I don't crowd thier space but last night the bus was unusually crowded. I was so tired I just sat down. I guess my hip touched the guy next to me and he said that he didn't like to be touched. I told him I was very sorry but I only had a few more blocks to go. He told me that wasn't good enough and I shouldn't be so selfish. I again told him I was sorry. He then started getting really vile with me and I was so scared I just sat there saying nithing. He was so mad I could feel his spit on my face and he was just calling me the worst of worst names. I decided I'd just get off and walk home but then got stuck against the pole as I tried to stand up which just gave him more ammunition to berate me. Finally I wiggles loose and got off the bus at the next stop. I was just happy to be away from that guy.
Another lady got off with me and first asked if I was ok. I said I was used to it at this point. But then she started getting mad at me for not sticking up for myself. I told her I was sorry and then she said I was always going to be everyone's asshole if I keep acting so pathetic and walked away in the opposite direction.
I hate confrontation so much but I've been playing both altercations over and over in my head and feel like such an asshole and loser. Am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
hJHq5vCRRSvLFKtvrwBFRMTvXsOZ5Qr1
|
asavmx
|
{
"description": "being annoyed with a coworker",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being annoyed with a coworker
|
My coworker loudly eats two meals a day at her desk. During each meal she licks her fingers no less than 10 times. What could she possibly be eating? I don't know. Am I the asshole for suggesting she eat in the common rooms instead of at her desk?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
TayUBaaXwDfLLFtBbe6Gm0IEb0mOAC9J
|
akm97i
|
{
"description": "cutting off an acquaintance for what I consider dishonering his deceased wife",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for cutting off an acquaintance for what I consider dishonering his deceased wife?
|
I had an aquaintince, no we weren't friends but we were friendly, sociable and occasionally drank together as we had mutual relatives. His wife and he had 3 children together and he basically was a lazy sludge. His wife was always borrowing money off my sister (her landlord) to pay rent but he and his children always had new Nikes on. She basically took care of him and he volunteered but didn't have a paying job.
I didn't approve of this but at the same time it didn't exactly affect me so I stayed in my lane, live and let live and what have you. He was a nice enough guy, arrogant , but decent personality wise. Anyway, a couple years ago his wife went to the doctors and they found out that she had cancer . It was already in the late stages and she died relatively quickly. We all felt horrible and one of the local clubs we were mutual members of got together and pulled money together so that he would have to worry about bills etc with the grief of losing your wife and the mother of your children, we even donated so that there would be money for the kids for Christmas. My brother even gave him a vehicle for free. All he had to do way pay to transfer the title .
Well, the first thing that pissed me off is he was drinking. Big deal right? No he was drinking the money we gave him for his bills. The vehicle my brother gave him? He sold that as well. It got to the point where they gave his mother the check for the children's Christmas gifts so he didn't blow that as well.
To top it all off we had a service for his wife. A get together of friends and family at the local bar. He got loaded and was shoving his tongue down another woman's throat. AT.HIS.DEAD.WIFES.SERVICE I watched him and her shamelessly make out in front of his and my horrified and disgusted family members.
Now I'm no Prince, I do not preach holiness from the comfort of my ivory toeer, but I just couldn't help thinking "is she even cold yet? "
I stopped talking to him that day, even when he says hello to me I ignore him. I don't need that type of person in my life , that to me is the fakest shit ever .
Oh and he married another woman like 3 months later. She has money which I assume is her most appealing feature. Of course she seems lovely, but I'm almost positive that his toxicity will ruin her as well.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
ipoNdnHrhavxjOC8eK4agMhnplF8LrrL
|
avvzw1
|
{
"description": "secretly spending my wife's inheritance",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 168
}
|
AITA for secretly spending my wife's inheritance?
|
My wife and I have been married for 20 some odd years. We have been living in the same condo for about 10 of those years. We raised our kid in this place and it has a strong sentimental value. I never plan on leasing it out to anyone else because it could be used for our kid someday if he ever needs a place to stay. I have gotten to the point in my career where buying a new house sounds possible. Also, now that the kid is gone, financially I have been freed up a bit. My wife unfortunately does not have the same mindset as she is much more conservative.
My wife also just coincidentally ran into a large inheritance as her mother just passed away and she was an only child. Anyways while she was grieving I told her that I would take care of the implications of the will and she gave me the legal authority to sort through her mother’s affairs. With this authority, used about 40% to buy a new property in Colorado (\~$650k) and put the rest in our joint investment portfolio. The reason I had to buy it without her knowledge is because she did not want to deal with any financial issues while grieving (per her instructions) and I have had my eye on this market for a while… I just couldn’t walk away from the opportunity once I found out about it.
My plan is to visit it once a month and see how she feels about it. This will clearly benefit both of our lives, but I have a sinking feeling that I need to tell her and that I am selfish. If she likes it, surprise (… *yay!*) we will move in. If not, well, I could use it as a rental property or resell it (I believe that it has already appreciated). Anyways, looking for your feedback on this Reddit.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 168,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 4
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 168
}
|
WRONG
|
wXBsyMf3azzKTSjCIQHsHhryWWdMDzDB
|
b8cd77
|
{
"description": "not letting my 17 year old daughter go to a different state with her friends",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting my 17 year old daughter go to a different state with her friends?
|
This is for my mom who doesn't have reddit.
​
So basically, my 17 year old daughter wanted to go to a different nearby state with her friends (and an adult) for Spring. The roster included her, 3 of her close friends, and one of the friend's mom. Also, her male cousin would be going as well in a different group. AITA for not letting her go? She has always been a bit of a brat and spoiled. I also asked the counselor of her school and she said that it would be best to not let her go. Her friends have already left so this won't make an impact on her spring break, but it will make an impact on my conscious.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 4
}
|
INFO
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
rAdUVi7vljJwrxFzd4RUjmCknPvOQSoQ
|
b9mxtj
|
{
"description": "not doing the dishes",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not doing the dishes
|
I am a (22 M) living with my (21 F) in an apartment. I am a registered nurse that works full time and my gf is a nursing student who works part-time on the weekends. When we moved into the apartment the deal was she would maintain the apartment and I would pay for everything (rent, groceries, utilities, ect.). It's been a few months and things have been alright for the most part. I work 4 days a week with 2 shifts from 3PM - 3 AM and 2 shifts from 3PM - 11PM. Today, I was on my third work day of the week which meant I just worked back to back 12's. I woke up 2 hours before work and needed time to decompress, which meant I did not touch the pile of dishes that were in the sink. My gf got home from class as I was heading to work and she didn't say anything to me at the time. Tonight, I got home around midnight and I saw that the kitchen was still a mess and my gf had left some cheese on the counter. So, I popped into our bedroom and said "hey please don't leave food out" to which she replied "well how about you do the fucking dishes" and then went back to sleep. Now, I do help out around the apartment and clean the entire place on my weekends off while she goes to work, but I am in the middle of my work week right now and kinda expect her to keep the place clean while i'm not home. I understand that she is really stressed because nursing school is awful (been there done that), but I am letting her live with me 100% free so that she did not have to commute to school. I just want to know AITA for not doing the dishes before going into work today?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
qgpTvZqeGL9T22BWN4oe2R0Hbm0ckWtw
|
av2min
|
{
"description": "not giving 2 tips to the delivery guy",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving 2 tips to the delivery guy
|
I ordered food off doordash and got a text from the delivery guy right after asking for more tip. I had already included the usual 20% tip in my payment, but he was asking for additional cash tip when he got to my place. AITA if I don’t give him extra cash tip?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
QZt0dEM3RDpj01JPHnX72dTaQlTblUwK
|
agzt85
|
{
"description": "smoking an occasional cigarette",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for smoking an occasional cigarette?
|
So I recently studied abroad in Europe, and even though I learned a lot of good things, one not so good thing I picked up is smoking the occasional cigarette. And by occasional, I mean no more than once a month, usually only when I’ve been drinking and that doesn’t happen often.
My girlfriend, for obvious reasons, is not a fan of this habit. She’s worried about the health implications, which I understand, and she also doesn’t like the smell it leaves behind. I always explain to her that one reason I like them is because I’m pretty introverted so when we’re at bars or parties, it gives me a nice excuse to step outside and have a moment by getting away from music and people. As for the health stuff, I don’t really feel like it’s making a big impact as little as I smoke them, and I point out to her that if I got drunk every weekend that would probably kill me faster but she wouldn’t have a problem with it.
She’s still not okay with it and has caused a couple disagreements. I’ve already promised her that if it got to the point I was craving one when I wasn’t drinking or started smoking more often than I am now, I would give them up but until then I don’t see the problem. Am I the asshole for not listening to her and quitting?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
9yt39lQcHvGk3uNr46EnFRTovd5zyLqw
|
b1jscz
|
{
"description": "asking my grandma to stop talking about war related things when my parents are away this weekend in a high tension zone",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my grandma to stop talking about war related things when my parents are away this weekend in a high tension zone?
|
So for context my mom is a yoga teacher and my dad is a photographer.
They left today to work with a campaign of ONU that involves both victims and former members of the guerillas, in an area that is still dangerous and that has issues with armed groups.
Before leaving and as I was saying good bye to her, my mom even reminded me that anything could happen and gave me the name of the funeral service they have and some directions regarding a project she has next week, just in case.
So a little time after they left my grandma and I are having lunch and she keeps talking about people that have been kidnapped, about some journalists that were killed in the frontier, about how the “clan of x” was fighting with the “clan of y” , etc etc.
After a while I couldn’t take it anymore and asked her to please change the subject to something lighter because I was feeling uncomfortable and more anxious. I already have an overly active imagination and I didn’t need the extra ‘worry material’
My comment didn’t sit well with her and she proceeded to tell me that she never knew how to speak to me because I would always scold her.
Then she then brought up other situations, some from 2 years ago, that pretty much boiled down to the fact that she asked me to do a favor (a time consuming favor) and I, in her words, “just ignored her”.
Most of the times I didn’t get to do those things because I was busy with Uni or because I genuinely forgot.
She then said that I always made her feel worthless and because of that she didn’t know how to speak to me and she even told me that I should consider going to a therapist because she didn’t think it was ok for me to always speak up my mind when something was bothering me.
I understand that she might be feeling bad because sometimes we don’t have a lot of things in common.
When I try to talk with her about things that I do she doesn’t pay attention or makes an off handed remark and when she talks about the things that she likes I am interested in some of them, but others I just don’t care about but try listen to her and then excuse myself to do something else.
All in all I feel that she ended up painting me like some sort of bully and I would really like to have a second opinion. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Nc5dVAV2R8KH2SU7evGA93C49HAsOjNi
|
aaovlx
|
{
"description": "dating my ex's ex-bestfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for dating my ex's ex-bestfriend?
|
Long wall of text; TL;DR at the bottom
So I (19 F) met my ex in high school, first grade, we didn't talk that much, we were more like classmates till the 4th grade (last year in high school), when he started to like me once we took same class together. I used to meet him once a week maybe twice, and we talk a lot on the internet, mostly about studies, exchanging memes and used to tell me some cool bedtime stories. I liked him, and he also did, and after exams, he told me that he thinks he likes me and I said that I do too, he asked me out. He was too shy to do it, so his ex bestfriend was the one who asked me if I want his bff or not and I said yes so he told him to go for it.
My mom, very strict, doesn't want me to date anyone, because dating for her means sexual relationship. So during summer holidays I used to ask my uncle to take me to my best friend's house where I act like I'm getting in then I go out and meet my ex. I've kept doing that for an entire month once to twice a week. And we haven't kissed or touched inappropriately. Meanwhile, I've been talking to his bestfriend, everyday for hours, and I told both of them about my family problems and they showed me empathy and care. Especially his bestfriend because we used to talk more and we are both introverts so we don't go out much. I liked his bestfriend a lot till he became my bestfriend too. And one day just two weeks after we started dating me and my ex, I spent more than 24 hours talking to his bestfriend and I found him so interesting and I never got annoyed of talking to him, his advice, his helpful plans, his movies and music suggestions,and then the way he treated me and what he did to talk to me once my mom found out that I've been seeing my ex and lying to her. (She got onto my Facebook because she has my password and looked through my messages), and I fell in love, I denied that because I was in a relationship,besides that's normal for friends to treat you that way.
So, my mom used to come and sit next to me everytime I use my phone to make sure I'm not talking to my ex, nor to my female bestfriend. And once she sleeps (around 3am) , I find my male bestfriend online and we talk for 30 minutes, or less, gives me virtual hugs, and I talk to my ex during the morning once she leaves my side. Days later, she started to give me back some freedom, and I restarted to talk to my ex using a pillow to hide the screen, and of course to my male bestfriend. We got even closer, and I started to love him even more, he kept giving me advice on how to manage the family problems. My male bestfriend unlike my ex who is a bit childish and with non-existent intellectual talk, is a good listener, so I used to "ignore" my ex and talk to him about everything even politics lol. So my ex felt a bit leftout, and in groupchats like he is a thirdwheel, and we argued a lot about that... and he hated it when I say that his bestfriend is so cute and so sweet...
Summer holidays came to an end, and I entered my architecture university. For art class, the very first week, we went to a part of the city where my male bestfriend's university is. And knowing that, I've never seen him before, except three time in high school where we had a 5 second conversation, I wanted to see him after class, because at this point we talked online a thousands time more than we did IRL. But he couldn't come. I was hurt. But I said maybe he just doesn't want to see me because he is just antisocial. (I've tried to meet him two times before but he couldn't manage to showed up). And my ex knows about everything. Few days before breaking up with my ex,I sent him more than 10 wholesome memes of couples, and he answered me saying oh it is an overwhelming love. And one week before breaking up, i came to where he lives, asked him to meet me, he didn't answer and didn't come to see me. You can tell from the way he talks to me that he doesn't want to be with me anymore.So we broke up. Now leading up to this part you already think that I'm an asshole, now comes this part.for weeks before our breakup, My male bff stopped talking to my ex for seemingly unknown reasons, until one day after we were together, he told me that my ex was insulting him with his other friends, was insulting me with him, and was always an unpleasant friend overall because he was an avid drinker and a failure at life and my male bff just didn't have the courage to cut him off. Among other horrible stuff like talking bad about people, then acting like they're his friends. And one week before his birthday since i have his password, I checked his facebook messages to find out that he wants me back but just so i don't get in a relationship with his ex bestfriend and that he used to talk bad about me and told everyone about my family, joked about my problems and made fun of my insecurities, to top this off, I found out that he was going to breakup with me if he found another girl, aswell as him hitting on a classmate.
I forgot to mention that we kept being in touch. And his birthday came, and I was the first one to wish him happy birthday and instead of thanking me he said that I'm cheap, I got angry, he didn't notice, kept talking about his life, and about the girl he found attractive and ignored him, so I made fun of him, hurt, he told my female best friend about that. 13 days after, I told him that I'm asking his ex-bestfriend out, so he said that I'm an asshole, and called me a bitch. I apologized, he called me a dead thing, I kept apologizing, and ever since he has never talked to me again.He keeps telling people that he loved me(even though there's actual proof that he didn't, but it involves me sneaking into his messages) and that I broke his heart, aswell as his ex-best friend being a traitor, and outed us as the assholes with his friends.
TL;DR: I have been emotionally cheating on my ex, which was uninterested in our relationship anyway, but keeps on telling people I'm an asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
LPs6XpGCa5GXrriDqxuQBr711SYB6As4
|
b4sc9o
|
{
"description": "telling a date to get an Uber",
"pronormative_score": 93,
"contranormative_score": 54
}
|
AITA for telling a date to get an Uber?
|
I started talking to a girl on okcupid and asked her out on a date. She doesn’t drive so I picked her up and we went out to a restaurant. It was going well and I was enjoying getting to know her. At the end I paid the check and asked her when we could go out again. She told me she wasn’t looking to date anyone right now. I asked her why did she come on a date with me then and she said that she just likes meeting new people. I told her that she could catch an Uber home and left.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 39,
"OTHER": 89,
"EVERYBODY": 15,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 5
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 93,
"WRONG": 54
}
|
RIGHT
|
p7w148sVhIMUBLo6RVsMmjPfERmohQPg
|
aytwxk
|
{
"description": "thinking it's ok to say the word nigger when you're talking about the word",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for thinking it’s ok to say the word nigger when you’re talking about the word?
|
Ok before I get cancelled, let me give some background. I (19 F) have been dating my boyfriend (19M) for about a year now. He is black and I’m white and we have never had any problems being a “mixed race” couple (aside from a few mean comments from others, but we just ignore them), and we don’t really give much thought to it honestly. We typically have similar political beliefs and outlook on life.
Last night we were talking about Michael Jackson and R Kelly and it turned into a discussion about “cancel culture”. We both agreed it was good that some people are finally being held accountable but then I mentioned that it is getting out of hand and some things are just completely taken out of context. Yes, something someone said on twitter might be completely stupid and shouldn’t have been said, but it doesn’t mean we should instantly jump on the bandwagon and start calling this person a sexist or racist or whatever. We’ve all said stupid shit, but it doesn’t necessarily mean we’re this evil person (take the pew die pie situation for example).
Boyfriend then says that he doesn’t give a shit about context and says “well, if a white person said nigger with a hard r, he should be cancelled no matter what”. I said “well yea, you shouldn’t use the word, but context is still really important. If I said “You shouldn’t use the word nigger” I’m not actually using it in a harmful way, I’m speaking about the word.”
Bf then gets mad and still says anyone who says it should be cancelled, doesn’t matter the context. I ask him about the white actors in movies like Django Unchained and 12 Years a Slave- yep, he thinks they should be cancelled for acting. He brings up the point that you wouldn’t say a cuss word around children, but I said that’s part of my point, we are grown adults and people should be able to discuss things in a mature way. I feel like being so afraid to say a word even in the right context just gives more power to the word. I mean that’s why the word nigga is a term of endearment for black people now- they took back the word, and took back its power. He just keeps saying “you’re white so you don’t get it” back to me.
At this point the argument is getting ridiculous and I start yelling at him about how much of a hypocrite he is for his liberal use of the word faggot, to which he yelled back “that’s completely different” and got mad and walked out. Yea, ok.
I know the whole argument was dumb and I handled the argument in a shitty way and so did he, and we both apologized. However, the whole n word thing made me feel crazy especially since usually he is a little more conservative than me. AIT racist asshole for thinking there is a right context for the word, and for thinking people shouldn’t get cancelled over a stupid mistake?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
Y3GkUBJJVqxo8X3uBmJmTQLISaNbkoFM
|
a7ofka
|
{
"description": "trying to trap a shady contractor",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to trap a shady contractor?
|
Hi everyone! My husband and I bought a house in August and when we did the final walkthrough minutes before the closing, we found that the ceiling above the one window in our living room was wet and there was some mold present. My realtor drew up an amendment to our contract, which is signed by all parties, saying that we were going to continue with the closing but the sellers agreed to fix the damage and mold *as well as* the underlying problem.
After a week or two of phone tag, a contractor hired by the seller finally showed up. He gave me the creeps, but whatever. He looked outside, gave me some BS about the gutters, replaced the piece of drywall and then disappeared without even painting it, and I couldn't get a hold of him.
Fast forward a month or so later, the leak is back, and it is even worse....actually dripping instead of just wet spots. I couldn't get a hold of him of course, so I called the realtor, and she gave me the seller's number. I contacted the seller and, of course, the contractor called me right away and told me he would be there the next day. He ASKED if we were going to be home, which was weird, and I said no because we both work but my dad would be there because he was off. The guy never showed up. He texted me saying "something came up" and that he was going to come over the next day (yesterday, now) in the morning, again asking if we would be home. My husband took yesterday off for a different reason, but he was at the house all day. He again never showed up. Since the guy was weird about asking us if we would be home etc., I texted him and asked him "hey, did you get to the house today?" Knowing full well that he wasn't there. He responded with "yeah, I was there! I found some bent flashing above the one window and I replaced it!" He sent the seller a bill for work that was never done. Needless to say I contacted the seller and he fired the contractor and someone else is coming to do the work. The contractor left me a few voicemails calling me an asshole, even though I caught him in a lie. So Reddit, AITA?
​
TLDR: asked a question I knew the answer to to catch a shady contractor in a lie, caught him, he got fired.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
8oNxkLVEvaltjXnKps67AivB2LIxCyKu
|
ayga3k
|
{
"description": "telling my friend to leave her shitty relationship",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my friend to leave her shitty relationship?
|
So me (20f) and one of my friends from school (21f) went out to a club like a week ago. I hadn't spoken to her in a while, both of us had just gotten busy, and last time we spoke she was having some major relationship drama.
So when we met up again she filled me in on everything. Her boyfriend (of five years) had hit her once, which I knew about, but she confessed to me that he had done it more than once. They'd also broken up for a period, in which she had slept with someone else. When they got back together and she told him about this he flipped out about it, and started calling her a whore and stuff like that. She'd also cheated on him once before that.
​
We were drinking this whole time, and a lot of what seemed like her "true" feelings came out. She confessed to me that she didn't love her boyfriend anymore, wasn't attracted to him, but felt guilty about what had happened and felt like she owed it to him to "try" again. I told her that was insane, and that even though she was wrong for what she did she shouldn't be in a relationship that she didn't want to be in. That isn't fair to her or him. Because of all the things that happened in the past, her boyfriend had become very controlling and untrusting of her. We had planned a night out, and he told her she needed to meet up with him to go home at around 10:30, which is very early considering it was a Saturday night and we'd planned to go out drinking. Well as we got drunker and drunker and how she truly felt about her boyfriend came out, I told her she should just turn off her phone and be done with him. She was very clear about not loving him or wanting to be with him, so I told her to just end it and have fun. She did, and ended up making out with another guy at the club. At the end of the night, around 2am, she called her (ex?) boyfriend and he called her an uber home.
​
She didn't reply to my texts consistently for about 2 days, and then when she did told me how guilty she felt about what happened. She said she did love her boyfriend and want to be with him, and that she shouldn't have done what she did. She also said she "has a hard time saying no to me", which to me sounded like she was sort of blaming me for what happened. We haven't really talked since, and she doesn't want to hang out or go out anymore. Honestly I feel like I've lost a good friend, but I don't feel as though I've done anything wrong. She didn't have to do what I said she should do, and she definitely didn't have to make out with someone. I have a boyfriend as well, and also got super drunk, but didn't cheat. I just feel like she won't get out of this awful relationship because it's been so long, and it clearly isn't good for her but she doesn't see that, and she doesn't want to talk to me anymore because she knows that I feel that way, or because she blames me for what happened.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
enbbpg4eSln8o68erBBIkq4J2AX2SZko
|
any6uh
|
{
"description": "telling a friend that her backpack looked like shit",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling a friend that her backpack looked like shit?
|
I went with my group of friends to eat some sushi the other week and, when we're finished, we decide to go for a walk together. As we're walking, this girl, which I'd never talked to during the whole lunch, walks to me telling me that she thought I dressed horribly.
"I'm not saying it to make you feel bad, I just want you to look better"
This kinda pissed me off, so I half-jokingly told her that I didn't go outta my way to let her know I though her backpack was shit. She didn't take it too well and ignored me, and a coupla friends gave me weird looks.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 10,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
y8sZedHnvJbiHkm5I1XQpFfmn1aKR9jW
|
a90n6c
|
{
"description": "not wanting to give my parents my iTunes password",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to give my parents my iTunes password?
|
So I just turned 18 in November, and want to go on a trip to visit some old friends. My parents are onboard, but just today they said they want to have some tracker app on my phone in order to make sure I’m safe. They then changed it to me just giving them my iTunes password, and they could look at the find my iPhone. I am a very private person, and feel weirded out by giving out my password. I countered with letting them make a snapchat, as I have snapmaps on and they could just look at that, without me giving out my private stuff. My parents got very upset though about how I don’t trust them, and how I know their ATM pin and all these other passwords. I’ve always been a private person, and don’t share stuff with hardly anyone. My parents say they are upset I’d lump them in “with everyone else”. I’ve since said I’ll give them the password but they are still upset for what I initially said. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
HTxP2BbVVkXzvKHd9YAxkUpgNeolxHJu
|
atp6ad
|
{
"description": "telling off my parents over my law school acceptances",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling off my parents over my law school acceptances?
|
So sorry for the long post; I tried to cut down as much as I can!
After graduating from college, I took a break before applying to law school. For the past few months, I worked as a teacher in rural China (this becomes relevant later), and put my home address as that of my parents.
My application cycle has been successful, and I am extremely grateful to be in my current situation. However, my parents have this irritating habit of announcing my law school acceptances before I have the opportunity to do so, and it has gotten to the point where family friends will sometimes find out that I've been accepted to a law school before I do. Law schools typically send out an acceptance email to applicants first, followed by a formal hard copy of the acceptance letter. Because I worked in an area without internet on top of the infamous Chinese firewall, I didn't receive the emails. However, my parents happily rip open any law school mail they receive, even if it is clearly addressed to me. They then proceed to call and brag to their friends that I got into X Law School.
It probably seems petty, but I have worked my entire life to get to this point, and I really looked forward to finding out for myself if I got into X Law School, and opening that envelope to see the hard copy of my acceptance letter. I worked and paid my own way through college, and also paid for all my law school applications. The fact that I have to find out about my own acceptances from congratulatory texts from family friends or posts by my parents on social media is infuriating.
I have asked my parents in the past to not open my mail, and to allow me to decide what news to share with family and friends. They have pulled this kind of stunt in the past, especially with my college acceptances and scholarship award letters a few years back, but whenever I ask them not to, they act hurt and tell me that they only "want to share good news with everyone" and how it doesn't matter if whether they find out first or I find out first. When I told them that I thought it was inconsiderate that they would deliberately ignore my requests, they were extremely offended. My dad even sarcastically offered to send photos of any future acceptance letters if, as he put it, "reading those letters is SO important to you."
AITA for telling off my parents for more or less stealing my thunder over my acceptances? I know that they're just excited, but it feels like they prioritize being able to brag to their friends over my personal preferences.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
AGcG9ADYdSzfqfvD5FrOy7SpJpcrIuBb
|
b7nj51
|
{
"description": "not choosing sides",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not choosing sides?
|
Hi everyone, I have (I feel) a rather unique situation.
For starters: me [26F], Socially excluded girl (SE) [early 20s], EG friends [20-24 all F] and Excluder girl (EG) [early 20s]
So I've been in this group of all female friends for 2 years. SE came into the picture a year ago and she seemed to fit in fine, or so I thought. Recently, EG stopped talking to SE for an unknown reason and SE has been asking EG for months about why she's being ignored.
Because SE wasn't getting any answers from EG, SE started talking to mutual friends and requesting them to ask EG why she was ignoring SE. From SE's perspective it appears she feels like she's being cast aside since all mutual friends have told her to leave EG alone. SE says she just wants to apologize for whatever she's done and move on.
Now, from the screenshots of the conversations I was sent from SE:
-SE had been trying to talk to EG for months but got no reply.
-SE used mutual friends to get an answer from EG about why she was being ignored.
-Friends of EG tell SE to leave EG alone and SE said EG was being a bitch for not telling SE what her problem with SE was.
-EG sends a long message that essentially calls SE out for being a bad friend for talking shit behind her back. Also said she can choose who to be friends with and doesn't want to be friends with SE due to a personality clash.
I'm torn in this situation because although I don't condone how EG and friends have basically excluded SE, part of me feels like SE made a mountain out of a mole hill. SE is very upset and feels hurt because several of her friends chose EG over SE. I would normally be empathetic with someone who is being bullied, but part of me also feels like SE brought this on herself by dragging mutual friends into the drama and making them choose sides.
SE doesn't want me to ask EG or mutual friends for their side because she feels like EG would hate her more for it.
Reddit, I know how terrible SE must be feeling as we're the only friend group she really hangs out with. I don't want to choose a side though because I feel both parties contributed to the drama.
I would like to know what reddit's opinion is.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
hZAYU40N41mTCfjuTaZYsBxMgkbyn5KL
|
aquhzu
|
{
"description": "my cat dying",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for my cat dying
|
This just happened today and I'm distressed. My cat died and I need honest opinions on whether I was an asshole that contributed to this or whether I'm being irrational in grief.
So my cat is about 7 years old. He lived with me at my dads place and when I moved out a few years ago, I ended up having him stay there. I cant stay at my dads, because the house triggers my asthma/allergies, but that's because I'm particularly sensitive.
This has been a sore spot for me, because my dad and family aren't the most responsible. They will feed/clean litter/pet him/give him treats but they're not on top of his health. However, I live in a studio (basically a room) and every time I bring my cat over, he pretty much just sits on a bed and is by himself most of the day. So I've felt that having a whole house to roam and constant attention is a better living situation for him, with me taking him to vet visits and so on.
A few months ago, I realized it had been a couple years since his last checkup and brought him to the vet. He was overweight but otherwise in perfect health. However, he had a dental condition that the vet said could be causing pain while eating, and they recommended dental cleaning under anesthesia and tooth extraction, possibly up to his full mouth.
This seemed extreme and the anesthesia seemed risky to me, and since the vet was small, I decided I would delay the decision for a few months and go for a second opinion with a more advanced vet when my parents were both on vacation and I'd have him at my place anyway. This way, I'd have time to think things over and if he needed the tooth extraction, I could handle the post-op care and make sure it was handled properly.
Fast forward to this Monday, my dad has left and I'm going to pick my cat up on Tuesday and bring him to the vet on Wednesday.
Monday night, my girlfriend ended up improperly using Drano and bursting a pipe, flooding my kitchen with Drano water. This was then tracked through the apartment. I was extremely concerned, because Drano is severely caustic/toxic, and I do not want my cat getting any residue on his paws and becoming sick. My apartment is one room, so there's no way to block off areas either.
So I decided I would go by my dads to feed him until I could have my apartment cleaned properly. Tuesday, I went by and fed him.
Wednesday, when it seemed like the cleaning would take longer than expected, I messaged my mom and arranged to take him to her place, where I'd stay with him.
That night, I took him to the vet. It was -5 Celcius out - I drove the 10 minute drive there, but theres 5 minutes in the car where it's cold (need to wait to turn on heating) and 3 minutes walk from the parking spot.
At the vets, hes fine. Still in great health. I ask a bunch of questions about the dental treatment and am confident in the vet's answers, so we tentatively plan for a cleaning in two weeks.
We leave the vet- again, maybe 8 - 10 minutes combined low temperature between the walk and the car heating up.
When we get to my dads, he's peed in the carrier, so I take him to the washroom, run a bath and then bathe him in lukewarm water. I use tearless baby shampoo from a new bottle, which is safe for use on cats.
After, I used a small towel to wipe some of the water off him but he was still pretty wet. He was frazzled and wanted to run from the bathroom, so I let him go. Then, I took another small towel, found him and wiped him down again. He was still a bit damp but I figured he'd air dry. The house is warm too. I left some treats for him and left.
Today, I went to go pick him up to take to my moms. I pack his things and then when I go look for him, hes dead and stiff as a board.
He was in perfect health. All I can think is...I killed him. He must gave got hypothermia. I would never imagine that some brief outside temperature and a bath would kill a large cat, but it's the only option I see besides a heart attack. He used to be a stray and lived outdoors during rain storms - I cant believe he'd die from this.
I don't know if I'm being too hard on myself or if I murdered him. I'm devastated - I'm taking him for a necropsy tomorrow.
If he had a heart attack from the stress, I'll feel a little less guilty, because I can't not take him to the vet, but there were no indications of heart disease.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
NOBODY
|
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}
|
RIGHT
|
6x5nZI2y1RRnngyy4vpoWpwNmFpAI8hG
|
b2j8jp
|
{
"description": "not letting my mum (s) look through my stuff",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not letting my mum (f40s) look through my stuff?
|
ok so for a little bit of context, i’m a 15 year old girl & i’ve been in a relationship with a boy for just under a year.
on valentine’s day of this year, he got me a card that was very sweet, full of “i love you”s & calling me cute, et cetera. i keep the card in my room, and i read over it every time i’m low or i miss him or whatever. today, my mum came into my room to see if it was tidy enough for her & spotted the card on the windowsill. she asked if she could read it, i said no. she continued to push the subject & i continued to decline until she left in a huff.
this makes it sound like i was calm throughout, but before she left i was shouting at her saying “no! i don’t want you looking into my private stuff!”
honestly, this isn’t very out of the blue, she’s always been a very nosy person and i haven’t had the most amount of privacy growing up. when i was younger, she’d pull back the shower curtain and laugh when i tried to cover myself up which gave me serious body image issues. she used to read all my search history & my past text messages, and she’d go through my social media accounts unfollowing accounts she didn’t approve of. she doesn’t let me have my phone in my room at night & gets pissed off if i spend time in my room alone. even the other day she looked through a personal scrapbook of mine full of pictures of my friends & little cringeworthy descriptions that are quite personal to me without even asking.
i guess what i mean is that i snapped. i shouted at her. but now that i’m thinking back on it, i feel like a massive asshole & i feel like i overreacted.
so, AITA here?
tl;dr: controlling mother tries to force me into showing her something personal, i lash out. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 17,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
V3IRdAaNLgRW8rVlQs9JfxXVTc0PEXIB
|
a60g7h
| null |
AITA for my "tone" when speaking to a Walmart Rep online?
|
My partner thinks I am because "It's not their fault, they are just doing their job" But I thought I showed restraint, and I never made it personal, So opinions?
Walmart bot said
Hello, welcome to Walmart.com help center! In a few words, what do you need help with today?
Customer said
it happened again order xxxxxxx-xxxxxx
Walmart bot said
Before we get started, please provide your Walmart.com account email address.
Customer said
xxxxxxx@xxxxxxx.com
Walmart bot said
Okay, now please provide the order number you are inquiring about.
Customer said
xxxxxxx-xxxxxx
Walmart bot said
Great, thanks for verifying your information.
Walmart bot said
Alright, here’s the status of all shipments in that order.
Walmart bot said
Shipment 1 of 1
Current Status
Delivered on
Thu Dec 13, 2018
View Carrier Tracking
Walmart bot said
Did this answer your question?
Yes
No
Customer said
No
Walmart bot said
Would you like to be transferred to a Customer Care Agent?
Yes
No
Customer said
Yes
Agent said
Thanks for chatting with Walmart.com! I’m xxxxx G and I’ll be assisting you today.
Customer said
Why do you keep using Lasership? they seem pretty incompetent
Agent said
Hello, I’ll be more than glad to help you today.
Customer said
thank you
Agent said
I understand why you feel like this, really I don’t know Walmart choose the courier.
Agent said
For security purposes, can you please provide your full billing address?
Customer said
xxx xxxxx xxxxxx, xx 1xxxx
Agent said
Thank you for your information, don’t worry I am here to help you, I’ll do my best to solve your problem.
Agent said
May I place you on a brief hold while I look into this?
Customer said
yes
Customer said
can I just have the order sent to the nearby store? At least that will keep lasership out of the process.
Agent said
I’m sorry your order was not delivered as expected, I can process a refund. Would that be okay?
Customer said
I want the items, they were on sale. can you send them to the nearby store?
Agent said
I wish I could change the address but the system only allows me to change the status, I do really apologize for this inconvenience. Would you like the full refund?
Customer said
I want the items, i've been waiting for them for three weeks. can you specify a different shipper?
Agent said
I wish I could but since the courier send to the system that it has been delivered is like the order has ended, I am really sorry, I understand how important is this item for you and you have a long time waiting for it.
Customer said
Why do you keep asking me if I want a refund, like it's a choice, when It seems to be the ONLY option
Agent said
Sorry but this is the only option I have on the system.
Customer said
Then don't ASK my if I want a refund, TELL me that's what you're doing, don't act like I have a choice if I don't.
Agent said
I understand why you are upset, I would be the same if I were on your shoes.
Agent said
May I place you on a brief hold while I look into this?
Customer said
Yes, thank you
Agent said
I’ve issued a refund of $47.7 for your item. You will receive a confirmation email as soon as the refund is processed. The refund will post to your original payment method within 5 business days.
Agent said
Is there anything else I can assist you with today?
Customer said
You're kidding, right?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
eV5TiYTU4eK9MjOPEZbn91TJFcYIjhpn
|
b2ohie
|
{
"description": "telling my mom that I don't want extended family members at my graduation",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I told my mom that I don't want extended family members at my graduation?
|
I'm on mobile, and this story is kinda long. Sorry if formatting is funky.
I'm a senior in high school, and I will be graduating in May. At the beginning of my senior year, my mom had started talking to a lot of friends and family about coming out to watch me graduate from high school.
All of the schools in my district have their ceremonies at the same venue. I have been to graduation ceremonies for my school and others in the same district before, and they have been very, very crowded. It usually works out in the end, and all of the attendees are seated before the ceremony begins. Due to those seating complications, my school district has now put a new rule in place for graduations.
About 4 or 3 months before the date of my class of 2019's graduation, the school district announces that each student/graduate will be issued 6 tickets for the ceremony. Each ticket counts as one seat. This means that I can only invite 6 people.
They sent out forms for people to request up to 3 extra tickets, which I did. We have 9 seats now for my graduation.
Now that that information is out there, I'll tell you about my relationship with my extended family.
I have little to no contact with all of them. My parents moved us when I was 2 years old from the original state I was born in, where all of our extended family lives. I'm not upset by this at all, and when we visit them every few years it isn't weird or anything. I just don't know them well, and they haven't really been a consistent part of my childhood and life up to this point.
My mom has 3 friends that have been around me for my entire life. They have been there for my triumphs and my downfalls, have had their part in raising me, and I consider them family. I always refer to them as my aunt's, and they basically have been an extra set of moms.
I also have an older half-sister who I've looked up to my entire life as well.
These 4 women are monumentally important to me, and I really want them to attend the graduation ceremony.
My mom told me that the first 6 tickets are going towards her, dad and my grandparents. The other three she is saying should be prioritized for extended family that may or may not be driving or flying out here.
I know that she doesn't want to disappoint her side of the family, but I'm sad thinking that when I look out into the crowd, I won't be seeing who I wish was actually there.
WIBTA if I asked her to prioritize seats for the 4 women over my extended family?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
vdYYgPjcNNYnG8Pqjb1XvTj48ohhgzRh
|
b5vveh
|
{
"description": "hating the way people greet in my country",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for hating the way people greet in my country?
|
In my country women greet anyone and everyone with a hug and kiss on the cheek (mostly cheeks touching and making a kiss noise). Men get to shake hands with each other but greet women this way.
When I was little, this wasn't a problem because kids aren't expected to do so. But when I turned about 14, the time had come when I had to engage in this social practice.
I have never been a touchy person. I hate physical contact even with close family. With close family it does not at all gross me out. It's just a little awkward. But with strangers it absolutely disgusts me.
I try to not be rude and greet people the traditional way but their faces are faces and therefore often sweaty, smelly, greasy, etc. I guess I don't hide it well often and people just don't get that I don't like it. And some will even get mad at me and complain to my parents if they are present (even though I'm 19) that I am a disrespectful child and whatnot.
I have tried shaking their hand politely as a man would but they ignore this and squeeze me (specially women which makes me accidentally touch their breasts and makes it even grosser).
AITA for not complying to my own culture? I know I'm rude, but come on! Does any one of you want to press their faces against a stranger's?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
3TX6tRkwt1sWu86eQooxtpMaZZWzEssd
|
arxm0s
|
{
"description": "reporting academic dishonesty",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA If I report academic dishonesty
|
I haven't done it yet but I am pretty torn.
I was dating a girl for a year, she went to study half way through, it was more or less abusive, saying that she got raped to get a reaction while all I did was be nice for her such as buying her a trip to Europe.
She would get paid to write essays and would ask others to do hers because she would rather go shopping. I have chatlogs and audio files from facebook of this. This is systematic and has been ever since the start of her university.
I got a masters degree and worked hard in this, I wasn't happy at her with it as it was plagerism.
She left me for another man and blocked me saying "lol it's just a relationship, chillout".
I am torn whether it's me just being that vindictive ex or if I should do it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 13
}
|
WRONG
|
SNpZbVRxGIvc6geJXlmMlg9Jh19rISew
|
aq68r0
|
{
"description": "not telling my housemate to wash himself, but also bitching about it",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not telling my housemate to wash himself, but also bitching about it?
|
Sometimes he doesn’t wash himself enough to the point where I notice. I can smell his BO. I cringe when he sits on my cushions in the tv room because they smell after. He once planned a date with a girl and the day of the date, stank - at least four days of not washing. I told him to shower at his work place (5 mins away. Our bathroom was being redone at the time). He replied “I’ll just try and wash out of the sink.” I yelled something about putting some effort in on dates. What’s she going to think and he replied “She won’t notice the difference.” I yelled some more until he went and showered but I’m not doing that again.
This guy is a fully functioning man who has a good job, in his 30s. He’s a good person over all but it’s just soooo bad and annoying when he doesn’t wash. It really pisses me off living with him sometimes so I vent my frustrations to my friends who also knows this guy. I feel bad talking behind his back but also I’m not his mom. It’s not my job to tell a grown man to wash himself.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
Mv153neYC7WczSPLKQv016nOkGAE0gUn
|
avpa88
|
{
"description": "being mad at my fiance and friend at work",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being mad at my fiance and friend at work?
|
I (F24) have worked in a school office for 5 years, my partner (M29) has been working there for the past few months. We work really well together, have a wonderful life together and we have 2 beautiful children aged 4 and 1.
There's a young girl (18) who has worked there for 2 years, me and said girl have a lovely relationship, always get along at work and have been on a few nights out together. We have had many talks about my relationship and her relationships over the two years together and she has a good relationship with my children, they love her!
She is known to be quite a flirt, so before my partner started I jokingly said don't you dare flirt with him, we laughed about it, she said never in a million years and at first there was no flirting, but over the last few days I have noticed some - very much one sided but my fiance isn't really doing much to stop it. I spoke to him about it and he said she speaks to everyone that way and don't let it bother me.
I'd noticed little things, she will always ask him to do things for her, always fake laughing and flipping her hair back, typical flirting, but then there was other things I'd noticed like if I appeared she'd stop talking to him or if she thought I couldn't see, she'd be getting up close to him.
So, I mentioned it to another friend who works there and she said she wasn't going to tell me but she had pulled up the girl and said, look you really need to stop flirting before his fiancee notices and that a few other work colleagues had noticed. The girls reply was 'I am trying my best to stop because me and her are good friends, but I can't help myself and I don't want to break up a family.'
I was livid, 1) because she had admitted it and 2) because she actually thought she had the chance. I told my fiance as soon as we got home from work, and he just laughed about it and said its laughable that she thinks that and I need to stop worrying about it before I get too paranoid (I used to be really bad at the start of the relationship)
But the thing that is bothering me is that I only work part time and if she's like this in front of me, what is she like when I'm not there.
Then yesterday, in work, she pulled me to one side and said 'your (fiances name) is soooo funny, I wouldn't have anyone else here for me if he wasn't here, he's always listening to me and giving me hugs when I'm down and hes taken me under his wing.' So I got mad, I told my fiance and he said he has never hugged her, never done anything to make her think anything and he said he just wants to be able to come to work without any hassle, but I was too mad and ended up giving my fiance and the girl the cold shoulder all day.
AITA for being pissed off?
(Sorry for it being so long!!)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
VGtjfBDxAkwOPnrZ3sjLcpBOr13VWUdD
|
aeg5te
|
{
"description": "choosing a poor reaction image",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for choosing a poor reaction image?
|
I was in a big meme group chat with 300+ people in it and I posted \[this reaction image\]([https://i.imgur.com/IIF96Bb.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/IIF96Bb.jpg)) . Since I am white, I was called out by a black girl for posting it. She, and several others, said I should not have used the meme because of the use of the N-word. My argument was that since I didn't make the meme, I wasn't "voicing" the opinion of the creator. I see it as the same thing as if I were to link a song with heavy use of the N-word.
I honestly do not feel any hatred or disdain for anyone based on things they cannot like sex, race, sexual orientation, etc. But I was raised in the South with a bunch of true racists and little diversity so maybe I am lacking perspective.
I was kicked from the group, but it would be nice to hear impartial judgement.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
EkxUYRjonzmv9op0bswxCv2fchI85eb6
|
amep2m
|
{
"description": "refusing my unborn child conceived via surrogacy",
"pronormative_score": 172,
"contranormative_score": 155
}
|
WIBTA for refusing my unborn child conceived via surrogacy?
|
Some context: wife and I have been trying for a kid for years. It turns out she has a form of PCOS and endometriosis and we were told that she'd have difficulty carrying a pregnancy to term. After many, many, many appointments, we were referred to a surrogacy agency. Here, surrogacy for profit is illegal, so it's purely altruistic. We ended up finding a surrogate through this agency and a couple of years later, she's 5 months pregnant now. The baby is biologically my wife and I's.
We had a scheduled amniocentesis (where they collect a sample of fetal DNA to screen for certain conditions) and the results are not good. Call us selfish or insensitive if you'd like, but we weren't thrilled the baby has a high chance for down syndrome and spina bifida. The OB/GYN said it's very likely and we should prepare for it early.
We (the wife, myself, and the surrogate) met to talk a bit, at which point the surrogate revealed she has been smoking and drinking while pregnant. She broke down crying saying she was under a lot of stress and it was her coping mechanisms.
Are we the assholes for not wanting this baby anymore? I don't know if we can even refuse the baby at this point. What happens to the surrogate? What happens to the child? We haven't reported anything to the surrogacy agency because it's still fresh and we're not sure what our options are. We fear of coming across as insensitive but truth be told, we didn't anticipate this nor did we really want it.
We know pregnancies don't always end up perfect, and we're fine with less than perfect. But things like DS or SB mean our lives fundamentally change to that of caregivers, potentially our whole lives. We're not ready for that nor do we think we'd ever be ready for it. We're mostly upset the surrogate has toyed with a life that doesn't belong to them.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 90,
"OTHER": 168,
"EVERYBODY": 65,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 10
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 172,
"WRONG": 155
}
|
RIGHT
|
MQxdmRuybHDdauivwt8KJXTNE3HrVAnn
|
ays9f4
|
{
"description": "sleeping in my car instead of at my MIL's house",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for sleeping in my car instead of at my MIL's house?
|
Obligatory this is my first post and I'm on mobile so pardon my mistakes.
I live 1.5 hours from the closest town so usually if I have doctor's appointments or other business I plan it for two consecutive days and spend the night at my MIL's house because she tells us how lonely she is and that we never come see her. She always tells me how happy she is too see me and my small well behaved dogs and acts happy to have me there.
She's the kind of person who is chronically depressed but refuses to seek treatment. She refuses to take responsibility for the things she says or does either. She's a lso a chronic liar who makes things up to get sympathy. She complains about everything you do but also complains if you don't do them. I've gotten to where I can pretty much tune her negativity out but visits are always really exhausting for me. If I was the only one who felt that way I'd figure it was just me being bitchy but it's all 6 of her kids who feel that way.
The problem developed after I got home from a recent overnight visit to her house and my SIL told me that MIL had reported to her that she can never sleep while I'm there because my dogs run through the house and terrorize her dog. I sleep in the recliner in the front room, her and her dog sleep in the bedroom with the door closed. My dogs sleep in the chair with me so I know they aren't running around because they're busy cramping my back trying to sleep around them. She complained that I keep her up all night although I'm asleep by 9:30 every night.
So my dilemma is AITA if I refuse to sleep at her house and instead spend the night in my car when I have to go to town? I just have a real hard time knowing that I already go out of my way to please her by visiting when no one else will and she lies about my visits to get attention. Do I tell her why I won't stay at her house?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
SMdzSZe0CnxpwVpfYqiWrgH6IFdhWDGD
|
advz5u
|
{
"description": "holding my Aunt responsible for my mothers death",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for holding my Aunt responsible for my mothers death?
|
Okay so my mother passed away in February 2017. She had a 12 hour surgery to repair a life long hernia situation. For months she worked out and ate healthy to reach the proper weight for this life changing surgery.
The day comes and 12 hours later the surgery was a smashing success! This 50 year old woman kicked ass and her doctors were beyond exicted as was my whole family.
She returns home for recovery (doc recommended a rehab facility, stubborn mom refused) she declined and invited her older brother and younger sister to care for her. Younger sister (my aunt) was a nurse and she would be charged with cleaning the surgery site and dressing it...but she neglected it and my mom got an infection...the infection led to her death.
Now on her death day my aunt was a sobbing mess and I consoled her, my mom would have wanted me to forgive her and I felt that her neglect was something I could overlook...mostly because she didn't mean to cause the infection but she skirted the proper wound care and if she only kept her clean she would have recovered and I'd still have a mother. So AITA for still being upset at her and holding her responsibile for my mothers death?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
VJzNsweGilRos9rVc5Nk0gPegnC74YSL
|
ah7afu
|
{
"description": "not shaving my legs",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not shaving my legs?
|
In the last few years I've gotten really tired of shaving my legs and since leaving high school with catty girls and realising that the rest of the world doesn't really care so much, I've just done it less and less. I'll do it for photographed occasions now and that's pretty much it. I'm occasionally mildly self-conscious about it and then I remember that body hair isn't a crime and life goes on.
​
A year or so ago, I asked my boyfriend how he felt about me "pulling the chute" as I'm told it's called and was surprised (and a little sad) that he told me he finds it less attractive. We've been together for 8 years and I had been letting it grow longer and longer before bothering to shave for the last few years really, and he never said anything about it (maybe wisely since I'm all about that "you don't get to tell me what to do with my body" stuff).
​
Thing is, he never says anything the other way either. He doesn't ooh and ahh or give me more calf rubs when I do shave my legs, I wouldn't even guess that he noticed. But he says he does notice, and finds it more attractive when I shave them. I guess since to me it feels like a stupid, pointless, socially imposed job that only women have to do, and doesn't actually benefit anyone practically, I don't want to spend time on it. And so my proposal was, if you want me to do it, you gotta show some appreciation when I do!
​
But that never happened, so a few months later, I offered up a second alternative: my legs can be silky smooth as often as he's willing to put the effort into shaving them! I thought it was kind of a sweet plan. He gets what he wants but also has to do the labour to get it, so he can understand there's a time cost for what he enjoys, if minor. So we did that for a while but it petered out and I've had furry legs for two months or so now. It isn't like it's an issue on a regular basis but I guess I wonder if this is one of those things where I'm being a jerk for not spending a little extra time to do something nice for this dude, or if he's in the wrong for wanting shaved legs but not appreciating them (now that sounded childish on my part. I'm leaving it in. It's a childish question anyways). This is very much a molehill, and not a mountain. I guess I'm looking for, am I a little bit of an asshole?
​
So the breakdown (tl;dr for the acronym-lovers out there): I don't like shaving my legs, and don't feel I should have to. Not hugely resentful of it, just lazy and annoyed that society puts a lot of pressure on women to waste their time on their appearance when there's better stuff to do. Boyfriend likes shaved legs. It's isn't like it costs me much, am I being a jerk to deny him something he likes for a little effort from me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
e4aSTyMCoY650n0WyMtJFx9xQHASIkDF
|
avh24g
|
{
"description": "standing up in my class and going to the bathroom",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for standing up in my class and going to the bathroom?
|
i almost never go to the bathroom in the school. i mostly dont need to. but one time i had to pee so hard i couldnt bear it anymore. i asked my teacher
me:"can i go to the bathroom?"
teacher:"no you arent allowed to go because many students have been abusing the "pauses" and i cant progress in my lesson"
i remained quiet for around 5 minutes where i thought if i dont go now im gonna pee myself and said:
me:"i really need to go to the bathroom i cant hold it anymore"
teacher:"you wont get a special treatment because it would be unfair to other students"
i realized talking wouldnt do nothing so i just stand up and rushed to the toilet where i was for over one minute at the pissoir.
i got detention for one day and my teacher doesnt like me
​
info: she always did some toilet pauses every one school hour. one hour is 45 minutes and we have 2 hours.
going to the toilet doesnt take long (at most 3 minutes) but my class usually was at the toilet for 10 minutes to not do lessons
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
CTzyVflSYOVW1IFCkzm1SG2xXw9rqgn8
|
a955ov
|
{
"description": "not wanting a wedding",
"pronormative_score": 39,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting a wedding?
|
Weddings in this day and age are so expensive. We set a far date in order to try and save money which we have a little, not as much as we should but a little. The thing is she would really like a wedding. I would love to have a wedding as well but I cant get over how much of a waste of money it is... it's one day of our lives and yes it's a special one but the money we blow on the wedding could be used in soooo many better ways like getting our own place.
The other issue is that everything we do from now till the supposed date has left us feeling guilty that were spending money and activities that should be fun are always tainted by "you should have saved this money for the wedding" and I see it in her eyes too that she knows this.
After she found me visibly upset and asked me about it I told her and she seemed a little upset but understood. I told her that it doesnt mean we cant have a wedding at some point later in life theres nothing stopping us.
All I can say is first and foremost: I care about our future over anything else. I'm not going to let one arbitrary day financially ruin us.
I wish we could afford it as it would be an amazing gathering of family but where do I draw the line?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 17,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 39,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
7QWxSjsUrhhvH1GsfPvCHzcOomQMtbkE
|
b02phm
|
{
"description": "telling my mom what she needs to hear",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I tell my mom what she needs to hear?
|
My mother chose her boyfriend over me and my sister a couple months ago and left. Lately, she’s been drunk texting me saying she misses me and all that bs.
My family tries to avoid hurting her feelings and I’m tired of it. She hurts everyone and thinks she’s in the right because no one will tell her otherwise. They will on occasion, don’t get me wrong, but not often. WIBTA if i tell her what I think and not care if it hurts her?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
IwTSDSBEqwELxf8MrX7AB0dpSCamJ5KL
|
av4gr1
|
{
"description": "pissing off one of my classmates",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for pissing off one of my classmates?
|
To preface this I want to say that this happened just now and I'm still kinda pissed about it and I want to see if I'm the asshole for the way I went about standing up for myself and also I'm a senior in high school.
Today in the morning during school, class was pretty dead since pretty much half of my class was off on a field trip so our teacher just gave us a study hall to do as we pleased. I was working on some hw so I wouldn't have any later when the guy in my class started grinding two quarters together something I hate since I literally cannot stand the sound of metal screeching/grinding together and idk but it seriously bothers me and I can't focus with it going on. He knows I hate this sound since many times in the past I've told him to not do that since it kills me to hear. I figured to give him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he forgot so I text him to please stop. He leaves my message on read and proceeds to do it anyway but more and louder intentionally looking at me and laughing when he see's it's bothering the hell out of me. So I decide I had enough and very loudly without getting up from my seat tell him in front of all the kids in class and the teacher (there were only 6 of us since most of the class was on a field trip for Spanish) to please stop grinding the quarters together because it's seriously bothering me and if you don't stop I'll ask the teacher to take the quarters because I can't concentrate. This sets him off and he gets incredibly embarrassed and pissed that I called him out. But he doesn't stop there because he stopped for a solid 5 minutes before he tries to do it discreetly by walking to the trash can and then doing it straight it in my ear to get a reaction out of me but he didn't know that the teacher was watching him and she asked him what he had in his hands that he put up to my ear. He says "I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING" and I tell the teacher that he was grinding the quarters and he gets super pissed and says "YEAH I WAS DOING IT BUT IT"S NOT A BIG FUCKING DEAL". She told him to stop or she was going to kick him out of class and he's just sitting there fuming for the rest of class.
While I wish it would of ended there it didn't since I have last hour with him too and he sits in front of me. He decided to do the quarter grinding thing again except this time he has a pissed look on his face so this time I tell him it was funny how butthurt he got that when he got caught and that you seem still pretty butthurt about. This sets him off and he instantly explodes and calls me a bitch and he ends up dropping the quarters in the process and when I go to reach for them so he doesn't grind them again he grabs me by the collar trying to scare me into thinking he's going to hit me and I get in his face and I tell him "I dare you to hit me because with your track record you're going to get expelled" the teacher then tells him to move to a different seat and he lets go of me and leaves class.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
pufUIvttRagcSkLG5B7V6ug6eQ8fjt0h
|
ar3whq
|
{
"description": "thinking my ex really wants to talk despite having a gf based on these messages",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for thinking my ex really wants to talk despite having a gf based on these messages?
|
We talked for six hours the other night and I felt bad cause he had a gf and he told me how she sucked and said that I was great and he missed us and reiterated that he’d like to see me again sometime soon. I texted him to reiterate that we should just use this as closure but am I an asshole for thinking it’s more than that that he wants.
Me: Okay. Just making sure it wasn’t for anything more than just saying cool to see ya and then parting ways
Him: Well I would be willing to talk about that stuff but not over text because things can easily be confused etc.
Me: No. I’m just clarifying that it was a convo to kind of close a chapter on our lives of us being together and to see how we have grown and to let go of like resentment and guilt by discussing things calmly. At least it did that for me. I feel closure and at peace now.
Him: Well I do feel more at peace now and it was clear that resentment and ill will had decreased but we didn’t necessarily talk about that stuff directly is what Im saying.
Me: Oh well now we kind of have talked about where we stand. Just kind of thought about it recently and was like wow that felt good to be nice to you and understanding for a change. I wish you the best in the future and thanks for agreeing to chat, I appreciate it!
Him: I agree, I have been thinking about how nice of a conversation it was and that it was healthy for both of us. I would be willing and wanting to talk in the future. I appreciate you very much and only hope the best for you too of course.
Me: Yes. It was good to have. I feel a weight has been lifted. It has taken away some guilt and anger.✌🏻
Him: I feel the same way too. I genuinely hope we get to talk again soon. ✌️
What do I think? Why is he doing this while having a gf?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
CG8X7dtDv9TpE9cnrt8Emcch44xdZ7H2
|
avh2f7
|
{
"description": "being frustrated with my wife",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being frustrated with my wife
|
Let me start with I love my wife. We have been together for about 9 years now. Married for 5. Anyways, my wife deals with some anxiety and OCD which she is medicated for. I usually only eat once a day and it is in the evening after work, gym and after our boys are in bed so around 8-9ish. She usually smokes marijuana to unwind and we watch a show or movie together.
I only eat once a day and so this is the time I usually enjoy to eat. This has been a usual thing for about a year now. For whatever reason, not sure if it has been her anxiety lately or the marijuana but she tells me I can't sit with her and she gets pissy with me if I eat something loud and crunchy next to her. Saying "you chew so loud". She has said this for most of our relationship but not with irritation like lately. I don't feel that I'm eating or chewing any differently than I have my whole life but I guess I am a loud chewer?
Last week she through a fit about me chewing next to her while we were watching a movie and I got upset and just put my food away and decided I just wouldn't eat anymore so we could at least spend time together. Sometime I even change what I plan to eat to something softer and less crunchy so my chewing doesn't set her off. It isn't all the time either, there are times when I eat in my game room while playing video games. She has said sorry and admitted to me it is a little crazy. She diagnosed herself with misophonia (condition in which a person is overly sensitive to sounds. Usually the trigger sounds are noises made by other people, such as chewing or tapping a pen).
I love my wife and I love food. We love to watch movies and spend time together. She loves food too, I just want to be able to enjoy all the things together.
TL;DR: I eat in the evening while spending time watching shows with my wife, she tells me I can't eat crunchy foods while watching with her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
ELwszLx6mqevRWxxolV1RqDp8PK64aPZ
|
attag6
|
{
"description": "not serving a customer past last call",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not serving a customer past last call?
|
So small background story before I explain, I currently work at a sushi restaurant and I've been working there for over a year so I pretty much know the restaurant and how it functions like the back of my hand. It's to the point where the owner of the sushi restaurant trusts me with account for DoorDash, Grubhub, UberEats, etc. (Mainly because she's not tech savvy, so she pays me extra to make any adjustments with the menu.)
Anyways, our last call is 10:30 PM and we officially close the restaurant and kick customers out by 11:00 PM. Roughly around 10:40, we still had 5-7 customers finishing up their meals and a customer walks in with her husband and says, "For two," holding up two fingers. I simply told her, "I'm sorry, our last call was 10 minutes ago." At this point, our sushi chefs and kitchen staff were already cleaning and getting ready to leave while us servers have to wait until the customers pay and leave. She starts begging to me and explaining that it's not fair for us to serve other customers and not serve them. We still have to refill the customer's, who are still eating, their drinks, but we don't accept any more orders from them; hence LAST CALL. We inform our customers 5 minutes before last call if they need or want anything else to be fair. At this rate, explaining to the customer was like talking to a brick wall. I was slowly getting frustrated because she started to yell at me and start attracting the other customers who are currently dining. I didn't want to make a scene so I simply said, "Stop embarrassing yourself and your husband. Please leave." The husband's face started getting red and the wife was even more pissed. She started screaming how she's a regular and that she demands to be served. They ended up leaving and she flipped me off. My manager was currently in the bathroom and she asked me what was all that noise about. So I explained her the whole situation and she was mad at me because the husband and wife come 3 times a week and how my actions or how I dealt with the issue may have lead to losing a regular.
I feel bad now because my manager is telling me how I did something that was wrong/bad and now I feel like an asshole. Reddit community, am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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a7pkfp
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{
"description": "dropping my old best friend from my life",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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|
AITA for dropping my old best friend from my life?
|
To keep it anonymous, I’ll call my friend “Dan” for this story. This is long, but important to me.
I’m currently 30, I’ve known Dan since I was 9 years old from a youth hockey team we played on for a couple of years. When I was 14 I moved to his side of town and we became best friends. Always hanging out in and out of school, hockey team in high school as well, blah blah blah. My family progressed to upper middle class over my childhood while his was poor. Dad left, mom not working and using child support and disability to pay for things, they weren’t struggling per se, just not a lot of money coming in. This was never an issue between us, as it shouldn’t be, just giving background.
My family was always very nice and accommodating, we’d get tickets to sports events and bring him along, dinners, and other things. I was never given any allowance, so when we both started working, we’d spot each other for things and always pay it back or keep it even.
High school finishes, I go to college for a year and then join the Marines, do one enlistment (5 year contract for me) and come back home. He stayed at home, didn’t pursue college or a trade, and worked at various grocery stores in the meat departments. During my time in the Marines, whenever I’d come home, I’d always want to catch a game or go out and would happily pay for all of it because I just wanted to enjoy the experience and knew he didn’t have much.
After my enlistment and moving back home, we pick up where we left off, hanging out a lot and generally carry on as we always did. I decided I didn’t enjoy the pace of being back home so I decided to move to NYC to use my education benefits, which is about 4 hours from where we grew up. He visits a couple of times when he could, we texted, normal long distance friendship.
A couple of years later his girlfriend got a job in NYC and they moved to my neighborhood. He never really got established, delivering pizza and working at another store. He couldn’t really afford to do anything besides just sit there, at this point we’re in our late 20’s, so I’m not just going to go over and play video games with him, but he could never afford to do anything. If I wanted to even meet him for lunch I knew I’d have to offer to pay to even get him out. So we gradually saw each other less and less.
Over this time he was occasionally asking me for money, like 40-100 bucks a couple times. He’d pay it back but only if I put him on the spot, so I’d just remind him on the days he originally said he’d do it and no problem.
I feel like we were kind of growing apart anyway, but this hastened it. He asks me for money one day when I ordered a pizza and he delivered it, I told myself I’d see what happens if I don’t ask for it and also not initiate any conversation. We didn’t talk for months, until the same scenario happens again, I feel bad and give him 80 bucks.
I remind him on the day he said he’d give me it back and he can only give me 40. Then he delays it again.
I went off on him, I told him that the reason we didn’t talk was because I was being silent until he made an effort, which he never did. It was like 4 months, he could have given me a dollar a day or ANYTHING. But he showed zero effort, and never tried to pay me back, even after he got a large loan for school (that he gave up on).
At this point he offered to give me 13 dollars, I told him to save up the money and give it to me at once or to fuck off. And that’s what he did.
I understand financial hardship, but he hasn’t really ever tried to improve his position or followed through with anything in life. Recently I heard his girlfriend left him and he moved back home. But still comes to New York to, I guess be near her in hopes of getting her back. I don’t know, and I realized I don’t really care. But I’m not sure if that’s because I’m a little desensitized and cold from my time in combat.
Should I feel bad, AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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aedolx
| null |
WIBTA Older male is into younger women/teenagers and GF "Has time for him"
|
Okay so this guy has a thing for younger females. I mean he took two 16 year old girls shopping in another city ( They are neighbours of his) was caught with another two teenagers in his apt in the middle of something (both girls half dressed). So while he has not done anything illegal I think it's a bit odd seeing as he's about 38 years old! We had a few friends around recently for drinks and GF wanted to invite him around (he is a neighbour). She agrees the behaviour is a bit odd but thinks he "okay" and "has time for him". I haven't said anything or tried to stop her inviting him round but WIBTA? For not wanting to socialise? WIBTA for telling GF that I don't think it's a good idea to socialise with him?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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atkriq
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{
"description": "not dating shorter guys but also not telling them their height is the reason",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA because I don’t date shorter guys but also won’t tell them their height is the reason?
|
I’m a female, mid 20’s, above average height (5’9). I’ll start talking with my matches and we’ll have a decent conversation and they’ll start talking about meeting up right off the bat. I usually want to know how tall a guy is and more details about them before meeting up. I’ll say we should get to know each other better and then ask more questions (height, interest, personality, what they’re looking for)
My thing is that once a guy says he’s shorter than me I say it won’t work... but I’ll never say it’s because of their height that it won’t work. I don’t want to make them feel bad. I’ll usually say it’s because we are not compatible and then eventually I’ll unmatch. I won’t budge on the height thing as superficial as it is but I also don’t want to make anyone feel bad just because that’s my preference.
My question is, AITA if I’m not truthful about a guys height being the reason I won’t date him?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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affiwd
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{
"description": "hating my little sister",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For Hating My Little Sister?
|
So I can’t fucking stand my little sister, L. We’ve never gotten along and our personalities just do not click. We have a seven year age difference (she just turned 16) so we never really got to like “grow-up” with each other. My mother would ask me to baby sit her all the time and I was told I was in charge, which meant that I was also responsible for making sure L did any chores our mom expected her to do while she was out. The problem was that I would tell her to do them, then she’d act out and either throw a tantrum or physically attack me (she was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder/and schizophrenia at 12) and I would do my best to handle the behavior. Most of the time I’d be able to get her to do her chores, but then as soon as my mom would come home L would immediately go to her and complain that I was mean and bossy and hit her. My mom would yell at me for bullying her despite me telling her EVERY time that L would flip her shit when I asked her to do what she told her to. At one point I gave up and would let L do what she wanted but would remind her of the chores and that mom would be home soon. She wouldn’t do them, mom would come home, see that L’s chores weren’t done, and the proceed to yell at me for not “being responsible” and making sure that L did her chores. This caused a lot of resentment between me and L that has only gotten worse. She’s attacked me physically a few times when she’s had manic episodes (this is when I was in my late teens) and while she was younger and shorter than me she could do serious damage and so I would fight back to defend myself only for my mom to scream that I’m the adult and I can’t touch her. Recently she’s done multiple stints in juvenile detention centers and has been sent to mental rehabilitation facilities (and been kicked out) for her behavior. My mom can’t understand why we hate each other so much and blames me for not trying to mend the relationship and “act like siblings are supposed to.” So I have to ask am I the asshole for hating L and not wanting any sort of relationship with her.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b6sty5
|
{
"description": "being in a bad mood after grandpa was diagnosed with prostate cancer",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being in a bad mood after grandpa was diagnosed with prostate cancer.
|
Found out tonight that my grandpa has prostate cancer. He is literally my best friend when my grandma called me and told me I was at work and about threw up. I came home and was reasonably upset. When I got home my father who knew, asked me what was wrong. I responded with " I just found out my best friend and grandpa has cancer". He freaked out on me and said "yeah well hes my dad!" He was screaming and tried to get in my face. I told him to fuck off. I ended up going to room and trying to calm down. My mom and him were standing in the hall near my room and I heard him say "did you hear what OP said to me? I'll never forgive him". After that I just ended up getting in my car and taking off. So reddit AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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|
azkcro
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be a military husband",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be a military husband?
|
My girlfriend and I got together about 5 years ago. She was my first relationship ever. Since early 2018, she has been serious considering joining the marines. In September of 2018, we split, due to her feeling “stuck.” (The Whole reason she was going to the marines.)
By the new year, we are back together. I want to be with her, but she still wants to go to the marines. I’ve told her I don’t want to maintain a long distance relationship. Her and I are together almost all the time, and any time apart isn’t very fun. She is pissed at me for making her choose between the marines and me.
I feel that if she goes away and we stay together, I won’t be faithful. I’m a young guy, who’s only been with one person. The thought is always in the back of my head of what the dating world is like. Not enough to leave my girlfriend, but if she’s gone for months at a time, I don’t know if I could not give in to temptation.
I know I should love her enough to wait for her, but I should at least be given a say in her decision to go across the country or world for extended times. AITA for not wanting to maintain a long distance relationship at 21 y/o?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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|
a7v9ng
|
{
"description": "wearing a MAGA hat to a Bulls game",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for wearing a MAGA hat to a Bulls game?
|
Not a lot to explain here. I wore a MAGA hat to a Bulls game and before I could even find my seat, I was getting harrassed. People kept bumping into me hard and not apologizing. Someone "accidentally" spilled their drink on me. They were throwing food at me, calling me names. People were trying to trip me when I squeezed past them in my row. I know a lot of minorities go to Bulls games, but does that mean I have to censor my beliefs to avoid being attacked? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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|
abn4oh
|
{
"description": "changing the passwords to my streaming services",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for changing the passwords to my streaming services?
|
This may be petty, but I'm going to throw it out there. A couple years ago my sister moved to Chicago. Knowing that money was tight and that living in Chicago was expensive, I offered up the login and passwords for the streaming services I subscribed to (Netflix, Hulu, Prime). Everything was good for a while and then random movies , shows, and new profiles started popping up. When questioned my sister admitted that she "may" have given the login info to a couple of friends. At this point I said that she or her friends needed to start paying each month if they were going to use it. Things got heated and the conversation ended with my sister saying she was getting her own accounts. Not being a trusting person, I changed all the login information.
Flash forward to a few weeks ago and I get an angry text asking when and why all the login information had been changed. I explained again that I wasn't going to pay for things and let her friends use it for free. Let me add that at this point she had moved back in with our parents and was living free of charge. So Reddit, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b3t73s
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{
"description": "trying to ween my son off his pacifier",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to ween my son off his pacifier?
|
My son is 1.5 years old and still using a pacifier. My son and I live with my mom and my adult sister (30). My mom was going out of town so I figured now would be a good time to ween my son. I also checked with my sister and she said she wouldn’t be working.
For the past 2 night my son has had a hard time without the pacifier and has cried around an hour and a half (I timed them). I am also not just letting my son cry; I rock him or let him lay in bed with me. But he cries regardless of what I do.
I pay my mom rent, my sister does not. Today was sister went off saying I should just give me son a pacifier and stormed out of the house. AITA for trying to ween my son?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
ady61s
|
{
"description": "pressuring my wife to get a job",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for pressuring my wife to get a job?
|
I need some help, Reddit. I’ll try to be as unbiased as possible and present both sides as fairly as I can.
Presently, I [M27] am the sole provider for my family’s finances. I work tech support from 7am-4pm on weekdays, and I’m on call with a second job every weekend (Sat 9am-4pm and Sun 9am-9pm). My wife [F28] is a stay-at-home mom for our daughter [7], and she regularly keeps the house tidy, does laundry, often makes dinner, etc. She also hasn’t needed a job since we got married, as my salary has always covered us well enough. We have a modest house, a single used-car payment, and have decent finances compared to other low/middle class families.
But lately, our finances have been getting worse than we’d prefer. We have several thousands of dollars in credit card debt (all from necessities, gas, groceries, etc), and only enough savings to last us a month (with roughly the same amount in our checking account). Long story short, we’re spending slightly more than I’m making, and it’s causing some strain.
We’ve already made some of the simpler lifestyle adjustments (no unnecessary spending, less fast food, etc), but we’re still hurting financially. My proposed solution to this problem is for my wife to find a part-time job in town to work while our daughter is at school. As an act of fairness, I’d step up and help with housework appropriately. It’s not a perfect situation, and we’d definitely need some adjustment, but adding a part-time salary would relieve our entire financial situation in a few short months, and we’d build savings after that with her added income.
The problem with my proposal is that my wife doesn’t want a job.
Her proposal instead is for me to find a better/higher paying job. That way, things can stay as they are, but I’d be making more money. Right now, I’ve had the same position at my company for three and a half years, and it’s a great company, but I’ve tried to “climb the ladder” many times over the years with no success. As a response to this, our financial situation, and my wife’s desire, I’ve been considering switching jobs lately. My wife is hoping for me to get a position in management to increase my salary (though I don’t have the skills for management just yet, so that’s not really an option).
The issue with her proposal is that I’m already near the salary ceiling for my position/skills. We crunched the numbers, and if I switch companies/jobs, I won’t be making any more money (or much more) at all. Another consideration is that I’m pretty established in my current company (I was employee 14 in what’s now a growing 75 person startup), and if I move to another company, I’d be starting from square one in terms of tenure/reputation/impact. My wife and I have been having discussions about this on and off for a few months now, and she’s applied for three positions in that time, but because she doesn’t actually want a job, our conversations about it have become unfortunately intense.
I want her to get a part-time job to help with the finances, she wants me to get a different/better job to help the finances, and our conversations often devolve into fights where one of us eventually leaves the room. Her resistance to help with the finances is weighing down on me, my pressure for her to work is weighing down on her, and our fights are weighing down on us both. We’re exhausted talking about it, but she’s called me an asshole once or twice in fights about this, so I need to know, AITA for pressuring her to get a part-time job?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b3zaka
|
{
"description": "telling my mother that both men or women can \"take care of each other\" in a relationship",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling my mother that both men or women can "take care of each other" in a relationship?
|
Tonight my mom and some of her friends were over and she brought up how a guy she asked out cancelled and she said she wouldn't reschedule unless he asked her out the next time. This led to me bringing up how men can not want to ask a woman out because they're afraid of rejection, although that wouldn't necessarily make this case one where he would fear that. That led into discussing things like paying for dates and the conception of "Men taking care of women," on dates and all, such as paying no matter what, regardless of what the woman says she wants. I argued that it shouldn't matter what gender you are, as long as both parties are communicating honestly and openly and both "scratch each others backs," so to speak, which led to my mother insulting me and calling me a few racial slurs relating to my father's former jewish faith. While I believe my mother is acting like an asshole in this situation, I'm wondering if I also am because I called her view "idiotic" for presuming certain roles in a relationship because of gender alone and saying that it can be totally fine for a woman to provide for a man in a relationship, assuming both sides communicated that they wanted that. For reference, I am 20 and my mother is 50 and divorced.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
aktor5
|
{
"description": "requesting a money bank from my parents",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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}
|
AITA for requesting a money bank from my parents?
|
So, to start off, we are not a rich family.
While we are okay-ish financially (considering that my family makes ends meet, by providing for me while I study far from home, providing for my g-ma and all), my dad is not good with money.
I've been keeping some savings lately-- I want to get a CELTA certificate in the immediate future, so as soon as I finish my degree in CS, I can start working immediately as an English teacher, so I can gather money to pursue a master's degree in Ireland.
I really love English, and I'm told I have a way of forwarding knowledge to people, and I want to put that in use. It's one of the first times in my life where I feel certain with some things.
Anyway. Back to my dad.
My dad is great, he is a great dad, a fantastic husband to my mom, but just never was good with his money. He never kept savings, and whatever money he makes, he puts it towards the house and to his dad, or his car that is in constant need of repairs.
So, sometimes, when he doesn't have enough money to get by, he asks me for some, the maximum he has ever asked for is €300. Which is perfectly fine with me, as he always asks and never takes without my permission, as he knows it's my money.
Anyway, because I'm away and all, and my parents want me to fully focus on school, and not pursue a job in the first/second semester of university, if I need something (clothing, shoes, etc) I have to use my savings, which has been greatly difficult, ESPECIALLY now that I need to save up to €1500.
So I asked my dad for a money bank, so I can put the 1/3 of my savings in it, and just put penny by penny until I get a job, so I can have my certificate by the age of 23 (I'm 19).
While he didn't say anything, I saw his face darken, and he made an indirect comment about what he is going to do when he needs money, to which I said I'm going to keep some away so he can help himself when he needs to.
So Reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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aysv7i
|
{
"description": "disliking Little Caesar's pizza",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA for disliking Little Caesar's Pizza?
|
Yesterday me and my friend decided to try out Little Caesar's Pretzel Crust Pizza. I bought the pizza, we went to my apartment, and we tried it out. Me personally, I didn't like it. It just had a average pizza taste and the pretzel crust didn't really add anything other than a slightly saltier flavor. I didn't care for it and I made my thoughts known to my friend. Believe it or not, he was actually mad at me.
He starts saying stuff like "You always act like you're so smart." and he told me off for using "big words" and "trying to sound like a food critic". I was confused by where he was coming from. He then starts telling me that it's the best pizza he's ever had. I said to him "You must not have had many pizzas if you think that THIS is the best pizza." That was enough for him to just snatch the whole pizza box from me and say that he's having it to himself since I don't like it. And guess what? He eats the entire box and not only that, but he was also using a piece of crust to wipe up an any excess grease from the inside of the box and he was eating that as well.
It was disgusting what he was doing and I had to step in and call him out when he just lazily tosses the empty box on my floor. I told him to pick it up and toss it, but he says "Not until you get better taste in food." Was he seriously this upset about me not liking this pizza? I then snapped at him and said "I'm not gonna get lectured about good taste from someone who comes from a white trash family who eats nothing but fast food every day." He just left my place and that was that.
Am I at fault over this? I admit that I may have crossed a line with my white trash comment, but he started it with overreacting to my reaction to the pizza. What do you think?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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WRONG
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a1sedk
|
{
"description": "saying my roommates boyfriend couldn't stay over two nights in a row",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for saying my roommates boyfriend couldn’t stay over two nights in a row?
|
A few months ago my roommate started dating this guy that makes me extremely uncomfortable. He says inappropriate things and really rubs me the wrong way. Honestly, I don’t like when he’s over at all but I usually put up with him coming over around once a week.
She had asked me and my other roommate about a week ago if he could stay Friday night and leave Saturday afternoon. I said yes that was fine. Yesterday around 3pm she texted me asking if he could actually stay Thursday night as well and leave Saturday still. After talking with my other roommate, I decided to be honest and I told her that I thought two days in a row was too much. She never responded and did not end up bringing him over. However, when she got home she completely ignored me and did not even say hi when she entered the room. She was extremely cold and just went to her room which isn’t typical.
I tried to ask my other roommate if I did anything wrong but she’s friends with both of us so I think she’s trying to stay out of it.
So Reddit, did I do anything wrong? Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
R370WmJWKp907rLd9HwdFvjGkVqe0ICE
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9ymok6
| null |
AITA Wife constantly goes to the doorhandle and starts vigorously shaking it while I'm in the bathroom instead of knocking first. So I yelled that she is the only person in the fucking world who cant understand the fucking concept of knocking. (This is about the 20th time)
|
Her excuse is always " I didn't know anyone was in there". Then why did you jiggle the handle 10 times while shouldering the door???
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
zDRanKJuTnj4aeKWi9toEjHjjIVgKPuu
|
aykwpp
|
{
"description": "ending a friendship",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for Ending a Friendship?
|
This one's a long-ish one.
In high school, like most of the people on the non-social media side of the internet, I was a shy, weird, awkward kid. I somehow managed to find my tribe and I ran with them throughout high school and after. These were my people. They accepted me, they were my first D&D group, my first regular gaming group. They visited me in the hospital when I was almost dead from dengue fever (I got better). But even then, not all was right in that house. I was disrespected a lot. I got left out of things. They were snippy and dismissive and always held it against me whenever I had to bow out of activities for things that would improve my life.
Enter the second year at the university I would eventually graduate from. In my second year, I'd decided to reverse what I'd done at the previous universities because I figured doing what I'd done then got me expelled twice, so maybe it would be best to take another tack. And it worked like gangbusters: I got my GPA up to about 1.5/1.75 (A/A-), joined school activities, got into student government, and even made friends. I could feel myself starting to drift away from my original friend group. I stopped responding to messages. I stopped going to D&D and game nights. Once, one of them violated bro code ("A bro should not be friends with a bro's ex") and I didn't speak to them for a month and it seemed like none of them noticed or cared. I started to realize how embarrassing a lot of their behavior could be.
It came to a head later that year. We'd just finished our midterm exams, and it was my birthday, so my other friends and I decided to get together for a day trip to an amusement park out of town. I mentioned later on social media that I'd gotten sunburned and one of my old friends said "This is what you get for not taking us." I'd consciously made the decision to not take them along. First, logistics would be a nightmare (me, my friends from university and my driver filled my van to capacity). Second, it is really hard being the one common person between two groups of people who are total strangers to each other. Three, I had by that point long gotten tired of my old friends's antics.
April of the same year. I went to a birthday party with my old friends and decided to try making time for them . I asked if they were free the next week and they all said they were busy. I think nothing of it until a few months later in July. In July, I stumbled upon a Facebook post. A friend from that group had posted a photo album of pictures they'd taken at an amusement park. The same amusement park I went to with my other friends. From the weekend I asked if they were free. What upset me was the fact that they felt like they had to keep a secret. To deceive me. That was it. All I remember is cutting all ties and blocking them.
Now, 7 years later, they want to extend an olive branch. I shut them down.
So Reddit: am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
9BXGQaKPw2Rcb9QbUEbt2iR4xtv0fdJY
|
a61uf8
|
{
"description": "wanting to share last names with my girlfriend for when we get married",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to share last names with my girlfriend for when we get married?
|
She keeps bringing up the fact she doesnt want to change her last name. Like she just randomly brings up the topic unprovoked a lot. Both of our last names are the same length and difficulty. But she gives me a lot of shit for saying id want to share a last name if we ever get married. My reasoning is that it feels more real to share last names as opposed to just being a sperm donar and claiming eachother on taxes, it removes any confusion about who we are as a family and what the kids last name would be, and im the last of my line so my last name dies with me. Id rather take her last name than nothing at all but if i got to pick id want her to take mine. Am i the asshole for wanting to feel like were more than tax buddies?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
kcqIxIgOOYGwVw9KIg2VBIVuxY7OknY4
|
b7t4ag
|
{
"description": "being angry at my boyfriend for claiming to be italian",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 178
}
|
AITA for being angry at my boyfriend for claiming to be Italian?
|
My boyfriend claims he's Italian. He takes pride in his Italian family, he cooks *a lot* of Italian meals (which are great BTW), hangs out with lots of Italians, etc. But he's not. He's faking it.
His mother was in the foster system as a baby and was adopted by an Italian family. By his account, *turbo*\-Italian. They had a small statue of Pope Benedict in their front foyer to give an idea. She was raised "the Italian way", even spent a lot of time in Italy. She grew up bilingual in English and Italian. Basically from as far as she can recall, she was raised in an Italian household.
As things would be, my boyfriend was also raised in this type of household because his mother was. His father I don't know much about but he wasn't Italian. It didn't help that he grew up in a predominantly Italian neighborhood. His schoolboard curriculum even had mandatory Italian until grade 8.
But it bugs me when my boyfriend claims he's Italian and appropriates their culture when he doesn't have an Italian drop of blood in him. He's saying he's one culture when he's not. He beats around the bush when I complain: he says things like "I'm not by blood Italian but I was raised Italian". To clarify, he doesn't act stereotypical caricaturized Italian or anything like that, he also doesn't go super overboard, but when we hang out with friends and our upbringings come up, he's quick to say he's Italian, etc.
Just because you can cook Italian and speak it to an extent doesn't make you Italian is my thought process. AITA?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
MHPEcwWJwQdKFQzAShPCME6PhMFpM94T
|
b50f5u
|
{
"description": "not inviting my girlfriend on a family vacation",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not inviting my girlfriend on a family vacation?
|
To keep it brief, 20+ members of my family are going back to our Upstate house that we all grew up in. We haven’t been in YEARS and we are all excited to go relive it.
Almost every cousin of mine is bringing their significant other. For that reason, a large portion of me doesn’t want her to see all the social media posts and feel really left out - I care about her.
Mainly, though, I just want to be able to run around, be free and not have to keep her close to me and integrate her into my family - as she’s never met my uncles/aunts/cousins, yet.
I see this as a great opportunity to acclimate her to my family, but like I said, I don’t want any strings on me for this weekend.
Thoughts?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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INFO
|
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|
RIGHT
|
KDMKGVQ9Ymtdx7eGhVx4zFlZNIyFC9vC
|
b3ucsp
|
{
"description": "not telling my wife I had a second child through sperm donation after she gave me a hard time about the first donorkid",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 103
}
|
AITA for not telling my wife I had a second child through sperm donation after she gave me a hard time about the first donorkid?
|
When I was 20 years old and a student, I met a girl online who was 26 and worked as a nurse. She wanted to become a mother, but wanted to do so without a partner and raise the kid(s) alone. I agreed to donate my sperm to her to help her. She had a son, and I have told my wife about this when she and I first met a year after the fact. My wife was understanding at first but as time went by and we had a daughter of our own, my wife began giving me a hard time for it. She teases me with it. Asks too many questions. Like whether or not I donated "naturally" or just in a cup. I swear that's how it went about... I never touched the woman other then to shake her hand. Maybe she was asexual or something, hence the whole single mother thing. I don't know, and it's up to her. It was strictly professional.
My wife and I have a daughter of our own. During the time my wife, then-fiancée, was pregnant, the woman I donated sperm to contacted me on my e-mail and asked me to donate again, so that her son would have a full sibling. I agreed, visited her under the guise of seeing an old college buddy and deposited my sperm once more. A second son was born, a few months after my wife and I had our first child.
I've decided never to tell my wife about the second donor kid because she reacted so weirdly with the first one, and kept joking about it and teasing me with it. It makes me uncomfortable. Ever since Game of Thrones brought back the whole incest hype (my wife and I watch together) she's made a ton of jokes about "what if our daughter somehow met your donor son and they married and had a Joffrey-esque kid?)...
The whole way my wife responds to the fact that I was once a sperm donor weirds me out to the point where I do not want to disclose the fact that I was a sperm donor a second (and last) time after. Sometimes I think I should still tell her, but I'm not sure... if I would, how would I even bring it up and how would I make her stop teasing me with it or bringing it up in fights when she's upset and trying to get a reaction out of me? Don't know what to do with all this, so some advice would be welcome.
**TL;DR:** I was a sperm donor in my early twenties and told it to my wife but she was so weird about the whole thing that I never told her the woman I donated once to has a second child born to my sperm.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
wKDPbFKQkJu09pTdV3pas6Hx6bNEWK2M
|
adgwni
|
{
"description": "distancing myself from a friend who has depression",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for distancing myself from a friend who has depression?
|
So me and this girl have known each other for more than 15 years and we are now in our 20s. I will try to be as objective as I possibly can.
She has always had psychological problems (recently diagnosed as social anxiety and depression), but some months ago she started dealing with suicidal thoughts and gave therapy a try.
She doesn't have a lot of friends. In fact, she considers me her best friend and the only person she doesn't feel judged with. We have a group of friends from high school in common, but she feels our friendship is based in our lack of capacity to get real friends (we are all kind of introverted people). When she started college she tried to be open to meeting new people, but ended up with a group of girls she can't feel included with. So she has, or she had, only me.
I am not the most psychological healthy person either. I lack self-esteem and have undiagnosed social anxiety, which makes it difficult for me to live life as I want to.
The thing is, until now, and eventhough I wasn't mentally healthy, I tried to be the best friend I could. I listened to her problems and rants for literally hours, trying to be there for her, listen, understand and cheer her up. When I wanted to talk about my own problems, we always ended up talking about hers. But she had it worst, so I let her rant. We created some sort of comfort in knowing that we weren't alone: while our friends were learning to be adults and choosing what life they wanted to have, we weren't trying to get better. We unconsciouslly validated each other's negative self-talk and low self-esteem because we both dealt with that. When I tried to be positive, she would come with her negativity and make me go down to the depression hole again, unconsciously. This went on for 3 YEARS and we were totally distancing ourselves from the real world.
Things changed when I, thank god, attended a clinical psychology subject in college (1 year ago). I learned how to deal with my problems, how to improve my self-esteem and social anxiety. I became more positive and tried to explain everything I learned to her and help her, but she wasn't having it. She was seeing my progress and felt left behind and that's when she started therapy, but sadly it didn't work for her. She is trying it again now.
After that, she has become VERY spiteful towards me. And the thing is that I've tried to still be there for her and listen to her, but I've noticed that it's not good for my mental well being (and she doesn't find my validation of her negativity anymore, she doesn't like that). Listening to her talk about her negative habits, that are very similar to those I had, makes my progress crumble and I fall again into the depression trap; I'm still not in a good position to lift her up when she needs someone. I tried to talk this with her, after distancing myself for a while, in a way that I don't hurt her feelings but, as I will explain, she disorts reality so she didn't understand it.
This is how she distorts reality: she takes everything personal and thinks everyone hates her. That makes being her friend extremely difficult, as I can barely say anything without her taking it as a personal attack, and probably that's why she couldn't make friends in college. But she thinks she has the best personality ever and the problem is her physical appearance (in reality she is very pretty). Another things is that right now I'm trying to be more social and have an active life, so when I explain to our group of friends how I'm doing, and she is there, her depression and self-hate gets worst. She thinks everyone is bragging about their life, she hates everyone. And now, included me. She can't be happy about other people's happiness (and I get why because I've been there).
Conclusion: If I distance (distance as to stop talking for hours with her about her problems) myself from her to prioritize my own mental health, she will be completely lonely and with anyone to talk to. I already put some distance and she got much worst. Should I make and effort and still be there for her? I'm scared of her suicidal thoughts.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
R5vuvDtktE5URBM4MqqF7oCLljflHcaS
|
ar95bk
|
{
"description": "telling my ex's parents she had a drug problem after we broke up",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for telling my ex's parents she had a drug problem after we broke up?
|
I feel like this is a common-ish question on here but also I wanted to ask it myself.
This happened around 6 months ago now but it popped up in conversation with a friend of mine and I got called an asshole.
Anyways, I had dated this girl for around 3 months at the time but we had also been a 'thing' for much longer. The relationship in the end didn't work out and to cut a long story short, I got cheated on several times and found out that she had been doing party drugs, (MDMA & Weed) behind my back. Now I don't mind natural drugs but I do have a pretty strong objection to MD. I'd told her previously in the relationship that if she was to start taking them, then I wouldn't be a part of her future and this may have labelled me a dick in her friends eyes, however I wasn't going to budge on a belief.
Continuing on, the day we broke up, I'd found out she'd cheated, but also that she was doing MDMA every weekend when she went clubbing, whilst I worked a 10pm till 6am job which is where I am writing this now. I then proceeded to take her mum & housemate out for coffee where I told her mum that she had been taking MDMA every weekend. I purely did this to protect her as I still to this day don't wanna see her get hurt.
​
Am I the asshole though?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
96eAAPHSFuyxI2qq0AJ5znJW9cKPVoyo
|
aplu6r
|
{
"description": "wanting to confront my neighbor",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to confront my neighbor?
|
It's been snowmageddon in my area for the past week or so, and it's not a common thing for the area. Over the last few days, my partner and I have noticed yellow snow on our balcony and over a short conversation realized our upstairs neighbors have been letting their dog/s pee on their balcony above instead of actually taking them out on a walk. I don't know if this is allowed (though I'm sure it's not), so I did send a message to the leasing office informing them and asking if it's okay for them to be doing. But I don't actually believe they're going to do anything so after hearing their little doggy paws above me while I was playing in the snow (partner also said he saw some dripping) I really just want to go up there and ask them to just stop. ~~Hell I'll walk the dog/s if they pay me.~~ Should I? Or would that be a dick move due to weather conditions?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
XcpaWQP71P7TDF0yxNSc2QGxBjHJJ7dq
|
aaglti
|
{
"description": "being grossed out by my boyfriend unclogging toilets with his bare hands",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for being grossed out by my boyfriend unclogging toilets with his bare hands?
|
My boyfriend of two years clogged his work bathroom (in the process of using it) and unclogged it with his bare hands. Obviously, I (female) find this appalling.
It would be funny if this was a one-time, emergency scenario, and it once was, because **this has actually happened before**. He’s told me about doing the exact same thing in college. There was a line of people at a public stall, and he clogged the toilet while he was in there. So while the water’s flowing over and onto the floor, he decides the best course of action…is to stick his arm down the hole and…start digging. I always found this story kind of funny in an over-the-top, shock-humor gross way. But, at the time, it felt like a one-off emergency situation. The fact that the exact same thing just
happened again blows my mind. It’s not funny now. This directly interfered in our relationship when he told me. I became physically repulsed, and the sex we were planning on having obviously didn’t happen. I was so stunned, I couldn’t even
express myself properly. I incredulously told him this wasn’t okay and then shut down a bit. He became extremely upset, telling me my reaction was disproportionate and unfair, that I was being cold and shaming him, but I can’t help what disgusts me. At present, the idea of him manually unclogging toilets with his bare hands absolutely fucking disgusts me. The fact that it will likely happen a third time, as I’ve since realized he is a consistent toilet-clogger, disgusts me. I don’t want his hands on me. He tries to spin it like he’s (literally) taking care of shit himself, but it’s clear to me that he just doesn’t want to face the embarrassment of anyone knowing he blew up the bathroom. I think his chosen solution is gross and inappropriate. He agrees, but maintains that my reaction was extreme. Am I the asshole for reacting the way I did?
Sidenote: this is all because he uses way too much toilet paper. He’s stopped the toilet at my place on more than one occasion. I’ve told him to use less, my mother has told him to use less. Clearly it’s not sinking in. Thank god we keep a plunger handy, otherwise I guess he’d take it upon himself to fingerboard the toilet bowl.
TL;DR: Boyfriend is a serial porcelain gynecologist, AITA for being revolted?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
jtJzFtss5LTcTjcLWmr48tkQknPYsWsy
|
9x56wc
|
{
"description": "calling out my brother, his girl friend, and my mother hypocrites for their parenting choices",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for calling out my brother, his girl friend, and my mother hypocrites for their parenting choices?
|
First time posting on reddit and on mobile, so sorry in advance for any issues. Long post
Basicly the situation goes like this : I am staying over with my brother and his family, our mother is also living with them. Today I was asked to give my nephew some medicine because he is sick. I went to their medicine cabinet and find what looks like a bottle of medicine.
Being a responsible adult, and wanting to find the correct dosage, I looked at the label and saw that the medicine was homeopathic. Being that im really against sudoscience because its so dangerouse and predatory, I get upset and start to look for another medicine thinking they might have bought it by miatake. Nope, all their children's medicine is homeopathic, but ironicly not their adult medicine.
Because they had so much non homeopathic meds for themselves I decided to be more casual about my aproach when confronting them. I immediately went out to the living room where they were at and asked them if they knew what homeopathy was.
My brother and his gf (mostly his gf) essentialy told me that they wanted to raise their child on alternative medicine and that in addition they didnt vaccinate my nephew either...
All of the sudden a few things clicked in my head that made me enraged
1. They dont use homeopathy exclusively for themselves
2. My nephew nearly died from the flu last year, he had to go in an ambulance one night after a severe seizure due to the severity of the flu, I now believe this was because he wasn not vaccinated
I imediatly raised my voice and told them that stuff was not backed by science and that it was completely dangerouse to not have him vaccinated, after arguing I called them hypocrites for not using that type of medicine for themselves and having had vaccines as children. We got into a shouting match, I was visibly upset and raised my voice, and started using profanity.
They got upset and called me closed minded, said they weren't hypocrates because it is already to late for them to start to be clean or some bullshit.
This is when our mother got in and called me a jerk, told me college had radicalized me and closed my eyes and how dare I come into my brothers home and critisize him. At this point I relised somehow my mother had also been turned to this shit, she told me she also stopped using her medications for her illnesses and moved to natural medicine, and told me how great it has been for her.
I was so shocked and angry, and my entire family there told me I was a jerk, not open minded and that I didnt have my nephews best intrest just a need to feel superior because I go to college. They basicly all turned on me. I left by just saying they were all insane and that it would be their fault if anything ever happened to my nephew, god forbid, and finished by saying that they were the ones responsible for his condition last year( I may have said this with a few more curse words) and then stormed out.
Im now gone from there and feeling terrible about this, especially since I did this so close to the holidays and maybe blew this out of proportion, so AITA ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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WRONG
|
DVjz1mGyPIyIG3XBWJRzGfz2j1d0Pp0c
|
anbk4q
|
{
"description": "not wanting to return to my girlfriends apartment over her roommates",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to return to my girlfriends apartment over her roommates?
|
So, I (19 F) recently lost my job and went to my girlfriends(20 F) apartment so I could get a little support while I applied for more jobs. It’s important to note that we’re in a LDR, so we barely get to see each other.
I stay for about a week and a half, just leaving today. After a couple days into my stay, my girlfriend and I noticed the roomies acting a bit annoyed and caught the general vibe that something was up, so she asked to call a roommate meeting. I leave that day and she calls me later to tell me what they said.
The jist is that I stayed way too long, I made messes and never cleaned them up, and locked myself in the bedroom when my girlfriend was away at class. I want to make it abundantly clear that I cleaned everyone’s dishes and put them in the dishwasher multiple times and would sweep their floor whenever a mess was made. I even helped my SO clean out their fridge. We picked up our dishes whenever we were done. I probably left crumbs in places, but I doubt it would be that much of a big deal. Other than that, all utilities are paid for in the lease, so it’s not an issue of me using their utilities and being angry, I’ve just overstayed my welcome. I also kept to myself in the bedroom because I have anxiety and I could feel that something was up with them.
After my girlfriend told me this, I was quite upset and my girlfriend agreed that I had done a lot, but didn’t defend me to them, so they still think these things, so I said I didn’t feel welcome there anymore and I wouldn’t be returning to her place. That made her very upset and now I don’t know if I’m just being an asshole or not, so Reddit AITA for not wanting to return to her apartment because of them?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
OIUxtMDFr1uNl6UTrw4B6fqGC5SUw26z
|
ast8bt
|
{
"description": "not giving my Mom money",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not giving my Mom money?
|
My Mother recently asked me (m21) if I could contribute half of the cost for her and my sisters (16) move.
​
My Father had divorced her and she could stay in the House until my sister turned 18 but they decided to move out earlier because it's way too expensive to pay for the big house if only two people live in it.
My Sister and I could be called "Hedge-Fund Kids" since, once we turn 18, we get access to a depot of Stocks worth quite a bit of Money. My Mom got something similar in the divorce but with less value (but still plenty, you could call it a Hedge-Fund^(light))
​
That being said, I don't like spending all this Money for useless stuff and prefer to pay my University Bills and have the rest for Emergencies or if I have an unforeseen expense. I do use the interest that is generated for an occasional treat, but nothing too fancy as I feel like it isn't necessary to spend a lot of money to enjoy a vacation or get a good meal.
​
She painted me a rather bleak picture of her financial future where she told me she wouldn't have enough money left to retire and didn't want to chip away at her funds too much and that's why she needed 5000€ from me or my sister. I told her I would give her the money since I didn't want my sister to already lose money before she had control over it.
Then today, she told me she wanted to go to Machu Picchu (from Germany) to see some Guy give an Ufology Seminar at the ruins. This was the following Interaction:
​
Mom: (excitedly) I'm thinking of going to Machu Picchu in May! Wouldn't that be great? There is this brasilian (My Mom is brasilian and came to Germany almost 30 Years ago) Youtuber that is going to explain stuff about the ruins from a historic and ufologic standpoint
​
Me (carefully) : Didn't you ask me for Money just last week? I feel weird giving you Money if you have enough to pay flights to Peru and back... (let alone for some bullshit seminar, I thought)
​
Mom: Always with the Money! Forget about it! I'm just going to take the Money for the move out of my own funds!
​
Me: I'm just a little confused why you asked me in the first place...
​
Mom: (sighs sadly) some day I will find people that are excited for me...
​
And then I left, feeling bad for questioning my Moms financial choices and wondering if I was the Asshole in this Situation. I mean I got enough Money, but at the same time, she seems to have enough too. What do you guys think?
​
TL;DR: My Mom wanted Money from me after painting me a bleak picture of her financial future and I questioned her financial choices after she brought up that she was planning an expensive trip resulting in me not giving her Money.
​
excuse the capitalization errors, I get confused between german and english sometimes.
​
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RIGHT
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LlYJpYF4CKf4aawJaQUP2sEeCwkLR0yl
|
amm8ek
| null |
AITA over a shart
|
so my boyfriend of around a year is always farting around me. sometimes it’s like “haha” but sometimes it for real stinks SO bad.
the other night i was at his house and we were cuddling. he mentioned he had what felt like a gas pain from his stomach all the way into his intestines. i felt sympathetic but we carried on, whatever. shortly after, he let out what was a full on SHART. like, IN. THE. BED.
clearly i was disgusted by this and i decided to just go home. here we are three days later and he has not returned any of my calls/messages because me leaving was rude? AITA for leaving??
tl;dr my bf sharted in his bed and is mad that i went home in digust
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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wP6ZF1tMT2ydGjmsYm9wmu10EWZkxwo4
|
ar40wj
|
{
"description": "posting facts to anti-vaxxers friends fb page",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA : for posting facts to Anti-vaxxers friends FB page
|
Not me but my husband has lurked on our friends FB page. Everytime she shares antivaxx posts or makes comments he'll find relevant research disproving it and comment it under her posts. She posts lots of "autism is caused by vaccines" bs articles and our sons autistic so it kinda hits home. It got to the point where she went from posting one a day to 10+ and he'd comment on all of them. This escallated to her deleting all his comments and unfriending him.
Thing is, she doesnt have children (Ofcourse shes still a walking threat to immune compromised/too young to be vaccinated people) She is European and English is not her first language. She is very mistrustful of modern medicine and quite frankly scared of doctors. I dont know if this is from growing up in a wartorn country or what.
Is he the asshole?
So I'm on the fence whether he was an asshole commenting on all her antivaxx posts or whether he was doing the right thing
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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OBhbQ2WAWKNZGZHzgy8hHGD8mbeGAQLt
|
b23gda
|
{
"description": "waking up my roommate with my computer speakers",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for waking up my roommate with my computer speakers?
|
Context - my computer sits on one side of a paper thin wall. His bed is on that direct other side. He's has talked to me previously about the sound on my computer being too Loud. He works night shift so he has to sleep during the day sometimes as I also work the night shift.
This week mid day (11am-4pm) I'm watching a YouTube video and hear a loud pounding noise coming from the other side of the wall, my roommates room. I immediately lower the volume because I never had the intention of waking him up. He then send me a message that he's not mad just being assertive since I seem to forget that he needs to sleep. This I understand for the most part. To me banging on someone wall is extremely rude and uncalled for. I respond saying that it is unacceptable to bang on my wall and that I would like to speak with him to find a solution to this issue we keep having. I didn't not state a specific solution as I said I didn't care what the solution was.
He states that since words seem to do nothing he'll continue to bang on my wall until my behavior changes. I feel now as if I'm being treated like a kid "I will continue to bang on your wall until your behavior changes". After a few messages back I state that I would be willing to move my computer as I think the issue is how close it is to his wall. My volume was not loud on my computer to begin with. But due to the walls being so thin it probably comes off loud. He says the only issue is volume and that he's said ask he has to say and that's it. He has also said he doesn't want any beef or animosity. For me banging on the wall does not. Am I supposed to hang on his wall if wakes me up? Do I turn my volume up to piss him off more? I don't like either of those. He doesn't see why I'm upset. I'm willing to move my stuff to the other side of the room. I'm not sure if he understands why I'm upset. Am I the a**hole?
|
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WRONG
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YfoxIxswhaVYOtPpPKg4Vu0IPSqJc1p6
|
b8u2cl
| null |
AITA -
|
This morning, with the help of my friends and available funds over $600 we bought 3 entire rows for an IMAX showing of endgame, however there's only about 5-7 of us and we now have somewhere between 20-35 seats available
We're all planning to sit together and the reason we bought this many would be so that we could have a comfort space and limit who would see the movie, last year in infinity war we were sitting together but the theatre was full and people were cheering and shouting and so this year we figured the less people the less cheering and clapping etc; our other friend is a manager and this is where it gets questionable
When the showing starts, Undoubtedly there will be some losers who will come in, see empty seats and take one for themselves, this is where our manager friend comes in as he will be sitting amongst us, as his shift ends right before our showing and he'll still be in uniform and if he sees people he will promptly escort them out of the theatre for stealing seats they didn't pay for; I guess my question is, are we the assholes for doing this?
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GBzMfHMa0AUS2jUpaXNLQEHgK9cxnf6P
|
b708ch
|
{
"description": "not throwing a formal wedding",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not throwing a formal wedding?
|
I recently began planning my wedding for this September. A major background point is my fiancé and I live in a different state than both of our extended families – mine is 10 hours away, his is about 4 hours away. We’re about ready to send out save-the-dates, particularly for the out-of-towners to begin making arrangements if they decide to come.
However, we are planning on doing an elopement-style “wedding”, with just a party on the same day to get everyone together. If we end up doing a ceremony, it will be a tiny one with just our parents and our (currently honorary) wedding party. Frankly, it’s the type of wedding I would want to go to – no fuss driving between different locations, and ideally the guests will get to spend more time with us, the newlyweds, instead of being tied into traditional dances, speeches, and other nonsense. My great aunt is apparently very displeased with this and thinks we need to do more for the guests (to the point that she and my grandfather will not be coming). I wouldn’t be surprised if most of my extended family plays this same card.
TL;DR: AITA (or, maybe WIBTA) for just throwing a laidback party instead of a formal wedding?
Additional information for those who may need it:
My fiancé and I are not particularly close with either of our extended families. We have a couple of people we like, but a lot of the invites are just to play nice.
We are going to do the party/reception at a VFW, so we’re not doing some huge blow out. It’s lowkey, but what we lose in “luxury” I feel we gain in actually seeing our family and friends.
Beyond being able to see people, we’re also doing this to cut back on some of the stress of planning a formal wedding. I looked at a lot of places, but we live in a wedding-centric location and it would run us far more than I am willing to spend to have a traditional wedding.
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gE5MzIEDRVW99eFTxSW0j4hBRCnSUt0O
|
9xer2e
|
{
"description": "not seeing the delivery guy",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not seeing the delivery guy?
|
So I ordered some food from Grubhub. I live in an apartment complex. In the special instructions I said to call me and I would go to the door. So the delivery said it would be there at 1:10-1:20. I can track the order. So I decide to just go down at 1:10. I have full view of the street. About 20 minutes later I get an angry call from the delivery place saying the driver had been outside of my house for 10 minutes. Which he has not. It turns he was down the street and I couldn’t see him. The guy was really pissy with me. It’s not a big deal to me. But when you get delivery aren’t the supposed to come to to your door are you not? Not a big deal to me I just want to make sure I’m not the asshole.
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RIGHT
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5tuaA1kJFIssrWDxSaOA4aP6bxAjXUOy
|
an9d0c
|
{
"description": "telling my best friend how it is",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for telling my best friend how it is?
|
**Warning, this is really long winded**
I’ve known this guy for around 13 years, since we were in high school as he’s a year younger than I am (I’m 28). He’s never had a semi normal home life as his mom stole his identity at a young age and his dad is a royal asshole who used to beat him. Since knowing him we’ve always been close, just clicked and had similar interests and we even roomed together in college and got along just fine. We fell out of touch for a couple years as he stayed in the college town with his then gf and I moved back home but when they broke up, he moved back home too and in with his dad. Things were ok on that front for the first couple weeks and then shit hit the fan and they got into a fist fight so he got kicked out. My wife and I had just gotten married that year and after asking her, he moved in with us and lived with us for around 2 years. He started seeing a girl we went to high school with, knocked her up, married her, and they moved into an apartment together. *Disclaimer, I never really cared for the wife but never voiced that to him because he seemed genuinely happy with her*
We stayed super close, golfed more than any two non pros should, I was at the hospital when his wife gave birth, and even after his son was born we maintained the golf habit. During all this, he snagged a pretty damn good supervisor job at a local company working midnights and he seemed to like his job and I know he made good money doing it.
With me being his best friend, I’ve never felt like I had to hide anything and I’ve been honest with him about my marriage, jobs, aspirations, and I felt like he did the same but something seemed off for a little while. Well one morning when he got off, he was greeted by his now ex wife’s dad and brother with 2 local officers. Ex wife claimed he beat her (I to this day don’t believe he ever touched her, he’s 6’5 and if he ever hit her she’d be in the hospital) and threatened her and was a drug addict (smoked weed and nothing more) so filed a protective order against him and moved out. He goes through a rough patch as you could imagine and I offer advice and guidance as best I could throughout this whole ordeal. He then ended up getting fired from that job and said “they were out to get him” and didn’t really know why he was fired (we live in a right to work state, no reason needed to fire an employee). I of course try to offer advice where I can again and he ends up getting another job, making less money but still a job none the less.
Between lawyer fees, being left all the rent and utilities, and making less money, he left the apartment and moved in with his cousin. During this time, my wife and I bought a different house and were expecting our first child so we moved out of our old house which was left to me and my sister when our father passed away and it was sitting empty as we fixed a few things up and attempted to sell it. After deliberation with my sister and our mother, we decided to let him rent it for a decent price so he could have his own place for him and his son and so we could make a little money per month since we still paying insurance, utilities, and property taxes.
Fast forward about 3 months and he lands a great job making more than he’s ever made and I was legit happy and even a little envious of because he was making more than I do. It was at a steel mill and was union and as almost all manufacturing companies do, had a probationary period of 120 working days. He’s constantly telling me how much he loves the new job, he’s paying his bills off and wants to buy a new car, even talked about wanting to buy our house he was renting!
Fast forward another 3 months, he’s made new work friends and is hanging out with them after his shifts and I got a vibe that something was off again, like he was getting into things he shouldn’t be. Starts going to bars and having sex with a bunch of tinder girls, whatever, he needs to do what he thinks he needs to and I never voiced any concerns because he was still being a great dad and just having fun like a normal kid twenty year old man would. Then I got a call from him about 5:30 in the morning before he needed to go to work, said his car got repossessed and doesn’t know why, they were supposed to take the payment out of his bank account and he wasn’t sure what happened but none the less, needed a ride to work. I oblige because I know that if you’re late or call off during the probationary period, they’ll more than likely fire you and I don’t want him to lose this job. On the ride up he’s calling his dad begging for money and saying he can’t lose his car because he’ll lose his job. I drop him off, told him I’d be back to pick him up after his shift ends. During his shift he gets his car thing figured out, once I picked him up I dropped him off at the bank and he got his car and we both went our own ways.
Obviously he was blowing money and not paying his bills, although he was still paying us rent so all we knew was what he told us and I took his word for it. Then comes day 118 out of his 120 probationary period, he shows up to work and works a couple hours and then gets escorted off company ground and is terminated. He calls me distraught, once again doesn’t know why and everything was going so good, I try consoling him and he actually ends up getting another job the very next day making less money doing harder work. He then missed his rent payment and paid us 2 weeks late, no big deal really and did that for the next couple months until we finally sold the house and the buyer was keeping him as a renter. He only paid half of the rent because he jumped from that job to another and to another so he still owed us the other half and then when we closed, they took out half of rent for that month and he hadn’t paid that either so essentially owes us a whole months rent.
He said the new landlord forgave the rest of that month because there were a few issues with the gas that was their fault and it happened to be Christmas so that worked out in his favor and being able to buy gifts. During all this he went to a payday loan place to try to make ends meet and put me down as a “reference” evidently without asking me first. He met this new girl in the midst of all this and knocked her up and was just so excited! It just happen to be right after I told him that my wife and I are going to have another child and his kinda felt forced, but whatever, still wasn’t proud of him and then he started talking about marrying her and having a family together and how happy he was. She ends up getting cold feet and leaving with her 8 month old baby from a one night stand to live with her grandparents and gets an abortion. He’s devastated, doesn’t know what happened, they were so happy together and they were going to have a big nice family and he loved that 8 month old like his own 3 year old son. *Insert eye roll that you can see repressed memories with here*
I voice my opinion, my very very honest opinion, tell him exactly how I felt about the whole situation and about him losing 2 jobs that were lifetime jobs within a year of one another. Told him I didn’t care for the 20 year old gf, that she seemed super immature and doesn’t have a good track record of decision making and he needed to focus on himself and his son and not worry about her. Then I get a call from the new landlord asking when he paid us rent, whether it was on the 1st or 15th, and I told her the 1st since that’s when it was. Turns out he lied to her and said it was the 15th and hadn’t paid her yet. He doesn’t mention any of this to me and I don’t to him either and everything seemed ok. He was working, seemed to be getting over this girl and I hadn’t heard anything more from the new landlord.
Now we’re to last week and he calls me, says he’s being evicted and doesn’t know why. Turns out new landlord didn’t tell him not to pay the rest of December’s rent and he still hadn’t paid it or January’s rent, but he insisted it was just January he was behind on. Then on Facebook, he puts he’s in a relationship with 20 year old girl again and then he texts me saying new landlord is “fucking with him on purpose” and he’s tried to pay her what he can afford and she won’t accept it, mind you she kept the rent at what we charged him which was VERY reasonable.
Finally, the AITA moment has arrived! Lol
I call him out on all his bullshit. Told him I’ve talked to new landlord and know he’s behind more than he lets me believe and that he needs to get his shit together or else he’s going to get his sons visitation taken away. Told him exactly how I felt about the gf and how in my opinion she wasn’t good for him, that he needed to get far away from her and focus on himself and his son. I said he needs to get his finances in order because not only did he go through the car repo thing but now he’s being evicted and in the mean time I’ve been getting calls from the payday loan place asking if I can have him call them, plus he still owes us money for rent! I was far from big brother as you could be, I came down on him hard and told him how it is and that he needs to grow up.
I’ve since been deleted off all social media accounts by him and the gf and he never responded to any of my texts, am I the asshole for this?
I love the kid like he’s my brother, I have ALWAYS been there for him and have tried to give him the best advice I could. How he’s reacting really makes me upset on one hand because of how close we are and what we’ve been through, but on the other hand I almost feel relieved because I truly believe people that are always down and negative drag all those around them down and I don’t want to be caught in that trap.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/
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hK7wX9ld2mrG75dNGxbu4Ef8URsIjLA5
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ai9m5l
|
{
"description": "not setting things right with my sister",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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|
AITA for not setting things right with my sister?
|
Been debating whether to post this considering it isn't recent, but this has been a constant at the back of my mind now for well over a year and its been happening for some time. Be warned this is long as I need to give some background..
My sister and I never got along when we were kids, it look her moving out and going to Uni on the other side of the country for us to even begin to get along. Our parents divorced, she came home for a little bit and things were okay.
Then she met her future husband and I noticed she was starting to change, and not for the better so we stopped talking. About 2 years after they were married he was in an accident and he was medically discharged from the Army. At the end of the day he is alright, and I noticed my sister started to act herself again and we started to talk once more.
Fast forward a few years and once more I notice she changing again. This comes after she and I put some money together to fly mum over to visit her grandkids. Mum then starts to call me several times in the day, in tears because of the way my sister is treating her and how she and her husband are treating the kids. Mum explained at the time as, the husband was acting the drill sergeant and the kids were the soldiers, and my sister agreed with everything he did (another version of her husband). The more she told me the more I realised my sister is becoming a stranger.
Next time I see her, its at our cousins wedding. First day she is at the house and she threatens to hit my dog for "being undisciplined", now I had just come home from work; I was tired, I didn't want to see her and mum had been texting me asking me to come home early. To say the least I replied "you touch a hair on my dog and you know where the front door is", bare in mind I never talk back, I hate confrontation. But threaten my dog and that filter is gone. To say the least she didn't appreciate it.
Now comes the wedding day. We are getting along, drinking together, sharing jokes, talking, taking selfies. Then my mum, aunt and I say we are ready to go, and she goes off and starts talk to another cousin (she isn't our cousin, she's mentally disabled but it makes it easier for her to think of us that way) who she has made very clear she doesn't like. Then things go downhill; mum realises the keys are missing. Now I didn't bring my keys like I normally do so we didn't have a spare. So here we are scouring the car park looking for said keys and my sister is stomping around , pissed and acting the victim. Its not her keys that are missing, she was the one that avoided leaving in the first place. She isn't the one who had to break a window and crawl inside in a $80 dress, calm the dog down, find the spare keys then go back to the reception.
I asked my uncle and aunt that night "Do you believe me now how much she has changed?" No one believe me in til that night.
Fast forward several years to the "incident" of December 2017. My phone is flashing at me while I'm at work, I have a Facebook alert "\*\*\* has accepted your friend request"... huh? I didn't send a friend request. Mum has access to my Facebook account as she sends herself lives for a game she plays that I don't, the only thing I can think of is that she thought she was on her profile and sent it thinking she unfriended her (oh and during this time mum has also had a minor stroke so memory issues). Mum says she didn't. Okay whatever, I'll think on it. I unfriended my sister that night. Why? Because we hadn't spoken in years, I always text her on birthdays, Christmas and New Years with nothing in return and I also didn't like the person she had become.
It was for my own piece of mind. It is now the next day and mum sends me a screenshot of a message my sister sent; "\*\*\* is a little manipulative bitch. She friends me on Facebook to see what I've been up to and then unfriends me after she's satisfied. If she fucken wanted to know she should of asked" something to that effect, I don't really want to go and find the message. If she just sent that to mum, yeah fine whatever. Mum chose not to respond as she didn't want to take sides, which is understandable. Only my sister decides to post it on her Facebook page, and its just a rockslide from there.
She accuses mum for taking sides, continues to call me a bitch and manipulative, no matter what mum says she twists and turns it to her own agenda. I knew what she was like and I didn't want that toxicity in my life. I refuse to text her to set things right, I feel like she over reacted over a Facebook invite. Last year at Christmas, mum notices her house is up for sale and approaches her about it. Shit hits the fan once again, she's bringing up that incident once again, continues to accuse us both, in til mum has had enough and has now cut her out of her life. She will not see her grandkids again, my sister will make sure of that.
AITA for not responding to set things right back in 2017? If I had done maybe last year would've not happened and my mum would still be able to speak to her grandkids. I feel like I mishandled the situation and I feel like I'm to blame, that I'm the asshole.
Its ironic, its the worst memories you remember and the ones you want to forget the most.
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GrfhsAQ5lfrWem25EYp3x9pVUCycSa5R
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b33q0v
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{
"description": "being upset that my mother-in-law accepted a job at my son's old school",
"pronormative_score": 7,
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|
AITA for being upset that my mother-in-law accepted a job at my son's old school?
|
My son has had behavioral problems since he started school and had a really bad kindergarten experience.
For 1st grade we decided to put him in a Lutheran private school. My husband, kids, and MIL and FIL are all members of the church that runs it. We were told, before enrolling him, that the school "specialized" in kids with special needs of all kinds and each student had curriculum based on the needs, strengths, and weakness of the student.
The classes are 1-4 all with the same teacher and 5-8 with a different one. Class size averaged about 6 students in his. From the start it seemed to go badly. The teacher called AT LEAST once a week asking if I can pick him up, most often because he would sit at his desk and refuse to do work. I often had do have him do all his work at home.
In his 2nd year there things got worse, and after A LOT of pressure we agreed to put him on ADD medication. This led to him not eating and being angry a lot, often crying at school until I had to pick him up anyway.
We thought about taking him out but when we brought it up they convinced us that would be the worst thing we could do and they have several methods to work with him and tons of experience.
In 3rd grade we decided the meds made him miserable and we took him off. The relationship with him and his teacher became even worse and SHE would call me crying asking for help. We moved him to the older kids classroom when she refused to teach him but then he had zero instruction and his grades started falling.
I could take it anymore. He was so sad all the time and felt rejected. I felt like the school was bullying him. I pulled him and put him in public school and amazingly he is flourishing and the teacher says he DOESN'T have behavioral problems, he's just a boy.
That made me feel awful because now I feel that the teachers needs were put in front of my son's.
After he left, my family was so distraught they stopped attending services and the church or pastor made no attempt to reach out to them.
Until recently. Apparently my son's teacher had a mental break down after he left at some point and quit. They apparently can't replace her. One day out of the blue the pastor goes to my MILs and offered her the job and she accepted (she's a retired teacher).
I feel the school put my son through hell and didn't care. AITA for feeling like my MIL betrayed the family?
|
HISTORICAL
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"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
flesyaEWrs5xzgSmNpiwXes5FO5ukEJ4
|
avlitw
|
{
"description": "going to an informational meeting instead of spending time with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for going to an informational meeting instead of spending time with my girlfriend?
|
So, some background information, me and my girlfriend both currently attend the same highschool but because I have strictish parents we normally don't get a lot of time together. So normally we spend about 5-10ish minutes after school hugging and kissing and sometimes just talking a bit. My girlfriend has been going through a bit of a rough patch and is pretty upset in general (I won't go into any more detail because it doesn't really pertain to the events other than the fact that she needs more emotional support).
Now, there was an informational meeting after school for track (which I have done for multiple yearsand planned on continuing) and I wanted to go despite the fact that I could have picked up all the papers from the head coach thenext day. This was partially because Ihad practice immeadiatly afterwardsand would have felt akward skipping the meeting and partially just in case there was any information in addition to the papers (though in hindsight it was mainly the akwardness. After school when I asked my girlfriend where the meeting was (because I can be fairly forgetful) and she pointedto the Head Coach's room. She then asked if I was going. I replied yes and she told me that I could justget the papers tommorow and I told her that I should still go anyways because their might be other stuff that they talk about. She stormed off and we have since (sort of?) made up. I still feel kind ofbad and wantedto know if I was really in the wrong so AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
FN50IOCd3ZTrjQ3O5MSOpdEqyD6ZsCPy
|
apeekd
|
{
"description": "not revealing my alcoholism to a fwb",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not revealing my alcoholism to a FWB
|
I'm currently a grad student working on my PhD. During my time, I started to develop a really bad drinking problem due to burnout and stress. I got help through intervention and I am working on maintaining.
A girl I had been talking to from high school had just finished her education and was moving to town. I was very excited to see her, and we had hit it off really well again while talking before she got here (this was before my drinking problem and during). She got here and we went out a couple of times... she said that from what she saw in our dating that she wasn't pursuing anything romantic with me (I asked her), and I accepted that but also followed up with the fact that I was interested in her that way if that came up in the future.
We started to hang out a bit more and developed a FWB relationship. It was actually very romantic to be honest, but I knew she was actively dating other guys for a real relationship.
When we met up first I had achieved 5 months of sobriety and was just finishing an OP rehab. I told her that I had a problem with alcohol from school stress and had to stop, which weirded her out a lot so I let it go. We continued our FWB relationship until last weekend when I had a relapse (not in her presence). This relapse knocked me out of commission pretty bad (I'm a big drinker when I do) and I couldn't answer my phone. When I came back, I lied and told her that I had gotten sick. I'm many days sober now and my sponsor and I are working on getting me into sober living this Monday (which I was going to tell her because I'd be gone for at least 3 months).
It came up during our last meeting (Friday) during a semi-related subject (why I'm behind in my degree -- I took a quarter off to recover) how serious my alcohol problem really was. She had believed that I just was getting hungover too many times or something to that nature. She got VERY, VERY upset at me for not telling her that I had such a serious problem in the past that I was recovering from. According to her, I was lying by not telling her (someone that doesn't have any deep impact on my personal life nor do I hers because we weren't actually really dating). I was putting her in danger by not waiting until I had more time, or for not telling her so that she could make a decision not to see me. Mind you, I would never drink around people nor want to have anyone over when I was.
I accept that I'm an asshole for lying about my relapse to her by "being sick" while I was recovering... also I should have stopped everything other than getting back into serious group-based sobriety, including seeing her a couple more times. However, am I the asshole for only leaving it at "I had a problem with alcohol" while we were just hooking up and not telling her the horrible alcoholic spree I had the past year? I honestly feel like this is something that is way too personal and embarrassing to have to tell someone before you are actually dating them seriously? I did say a couple more times during our FWB relationship that it would be cool to date, but we never actually had a real conversation where we committed to one another and just kept it casual. This is the same person that would say "I expect a romantic night" while also maintaining her single status, and got upset at me for not telling her that I was Bi-Polar because she (innocuously) asked me what medication I was taking.
I would obviously tell someone that I was starting a serious relationship with... but we had never committed. I'm really sensitive about my alcoholism so I didn't want to press the matter if it didn't need to be. I don't like to go around saying that I'm an alcoholic to everyone (unless it's AA). I just need a sanity check.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
nWrdmK8RwvwDcexakyf3kes6986PmTuS
|
awsjqf
|
{
"description": "asking my girlfriend to buy me dinner in exchange for going with her to buy a car",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my girlfriend to buy me dinner in exchange for going with her to buy a car?
|
I was at home on Saturday making music, which I’d set the day aside to do, and I was really in the zone when my girlfriend texted me. She was supposed to buy a car that day with her folks but they bailed, and she asked if I’d come keep her company.
If I hadn’t been doing anything I’d be down, but I was really making some good progress creatively and, honestly, the idea of schlepping around a used car lot instead just sounded awful to me. But she also said she was feeling lonely. I was starving and particularly broke at the moment, so I thought about it a bit and said, I’ll come with you to get the car if you buy me dinner tonight. She happily agreed.
Background: She recently left her job but has a lot of money saved up, and when she is working she makes a good amount more than me. I live paycheck to paycheck basically but I’m not in financial trouble or anything. When we eat out normally, we alternate paying for meals.
Everything went fine - she wasn’t upset or anything, and we went to a great burger joint after she got quoted for the car (she didn’t buy it yet because they wouldn’t negotiate, but we later learned that this is standard for used cars). But I got started thinking afterwards, was it a dick move to ask her my girlfriend to buy me dinner??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
xEfiVMs2ohbi4zAMiwnCHsqZm1VSpQMm
|
b4mk4p
|
{
"description": "not caring about the cats I shared with my ex",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not caring about the cats I shared with my ex ?
|
My ex and I had a amicable but long drawn breakup. The context of that is not that important obviously but I knew he didn't love me anymore and things were going to change. We shared two cats we essentially rescued from his friend as kittens. They has severe eye infections and a terrible case of fleas . We both nursed them back to health together. We we're very attached to these cats and treated them as our children (crazy cat people lol) I was the one that moved out and he kept the cats (something that at the time of our breakup he demanded) I was always the one to give in and honestly I didn't want to make the situation harder than it already was. I didn't want to rip my cats out of the home they've become so adjusted to. Anyway to the point of where the assholerie might have happened..after the breakup I was still allowed visits and was responsible for food and litter, a situation happened and I had to jump ship to protect myself at the time knowing I would probably never see those cats again. It's been difficult to even think about them without tears forming in my eyes and this wave of guilt flooding over me. So I don't. I don't think of them. I don't look at pictures I don't try to remember no, nada, nothing. Complete detachment. Recently we got into an argument and he brought up the fact that I don't "give a fuck about the cats". All of our interactions have been though text or calls and we only do speak because I still have some items left in his home and again we're for the most part pretty amicable. I don't hate the guy but I do resent him for keeping them. He knows and has heard me completely break down over the phone if he even just brings them up. I try not to talk about them and give him vague answers when he does bring them up through text for his credit. Reddit I need to know am I the asshole for not caring about these cats ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
NssSPiQ54SRlTRxy7XynZBR7nhHhDdTt
|
a65ie3
| null |
AITA : Had Christmas trees and a festive holiday outing called “Pittock Manson” planned with fam for weeks. Morning of, I[32f] receive a message from bro[42] and his wife [40] that says “FYI WE ARE WORKING ALL DAY SO.. We will not be in charge of Christmas today. We will be available after 5”
|
.. that text was in a family group chat. Out plans we’re confirmed the night before for noon. They are self employed painters. The following conversation took place following this text, and later on my nephew [20m] asked in group chat, "so when are we getting a tree" to which I added "hey guys, think you still wanna go? Or are you too tired from working?" And they replied, "No she (meaning me) canceled the plans." Note: Pittock Mansion closes at 4.
Before reading the screen shots, one thing you should know is that when I received the initial text in the morning, I messaged their daughter (my niece) and told her that "it looks like the day is canceled? I guess you're off the hook today unless you want to go do something else Christmassy?" .. she declined. (She didn't want to wait for the family, so had gotten her tree a week prior).
I have 2 kids 11 & 12 who had legitimately been looking forward to the festivities all week long and getting a Christmas tree. The fam had previously told me that the tradition of getting a tree isn’t such a big deal to them but they’ll do it all together because they know how important it is to me.
Oh, also, I tried calling them a TON throughout this conversation and they asshole buttoned me Everytime. And my husband has since reminded them that I had tried to ask them about the Pittock Mansion and that told him "that's a flat lie"
Lastly, 2 nights prior at dinner my sister was discussing the plans and my brother said “nope. We’re not going to cut down trees after dark.”
As it stands now, I am completely ghosted. I never meant to fuck anything up, and looking back I don’t really even know what I could have done differently. We did end up going to Pittock Mansion without them, because my poor kiddos had been looking forward to it and I didn’t have an answer to give them about rescheduling or anything. I’ve been crying, sick, and just overall sad over the holidays and not knowing if we’re still doing Christmas together or what. I didn’t intend to hurt anyone at all, and I feel awful for accidentally having done so. I’ve told everybody that I’m sorry for my role in the miscommunication regardless. Does this warrant the response? Please be honest. Just need to know how BIG of an asshole I’ve been!
[convo: ](https://imgur.com/gallery/XE1sfcH)
https://imgur.com/gallery/XE1sfcH
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
FOgBh6wSgsp6gwgyYaFR2VCzRQ96INj1
|
aojy7r
|
{
"description": "potentially ending a friendship impulsively",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for potentially ending a friendship impulsively?
|
BG: I've known these people for around 6 years or so and I'm 18. We're v close and I tell them everything ( or at least used to)
Okay so this starts last year when I had a really bad breakup. Both of my friends were busy so I went through it alone pretty much, it was a really bad few months mental health wise. One if my friends was genuinely busy, but my other friend just wanted to talk to her BF instead and we didn't talk for a few months. Obviously that's her choice, but I can't help how I feel. There's more to it but that's the jist. I learned how to heal on my own though and I'm doing better.
Fast forward a few months later I made a Reddit account that I used to vent and for advice and all that. I mentioned it to me friend (don't remember the context), they asked if they could see it but I said no because it's like a diary. She said she was hurt by that but didn't mention it again. And then today she asked me why I've been so distant and not telling them things. I didn't know what they meant tbh but she mentioned the account again and that it's weird that I'd rather vent to strangers than my friends. I told her it's just how I feel. Then eventually I told them if they felt so bad about it they didn't have to talk to me because I'm not going to open up to them more. I just don't feel like it's fair to ditch more for months when I'm in a bad place and get upset when I look for other places to vent to
Another thing is that I met some guy online and we've been talking for a while. They don't like him because they feel like he's using me or whatever. Im only mentioning this because it's put a dent in our friendship too for not listening to them and to stop talking to him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
gmai6ahK2ihIPGHk2BLvrsZTMJEjGIey
|
an8i9i
|
{
"description": "exploding on my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for exploding on my boyfriend?
|
This is our third go around. I told him he needs to make up for the lost trust.
I asked him if we could talk during lunch today so I could tell him that I was feeling as though he wasn’t putting in as much effort to our relationship as I’d hoped for.
He agrees, lunch rolls around and he is nowhere to be seen.
I’m freaking the fuck out because this isn’t the first time he’s ran away from our issues, despite his promises to talk things out.
After lunch I text him to say that we’re over. He gives a half ass apology and then I just start exploding on him, telling him I’m not a doormat and that he can’t just take me and leave me when he wanted to. I’m super fucking angry at this point. Saying some borderline mean things to him and just going on a tangent.
He responds that he doesn’t have the energy to argue.
About an hour later I apologize for blowing up on him and say if he wants to talk it out when it’s convenient for both of us I’d be willing. He hasn’t replied.
So, AITA for freaking out, and was this an overreaction?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
meSfUJpdhrGEkX1M3XWNtDh2AVGBHsiH
|
9v6bv4
|
{
"description": "telling my mom she's uninvited from my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my mom she's uninvited from my wedding?
|
TL;DR My abusive mother who I am low contact with offered to buy me a car to help me while I save for my wedding. I accept after talking over with my SO. It's been 9 months with the car and now she wants me to take over payments on the car (not the original agreement). I cannot afford this and tell her if I would have know I would have declined the offer. She tells me my SO doesn't take care of me and at the end of the day I'm still white trash like her. I kick her out of my wedding and am giving back the car. AITA?
​
Let me start by saying that my mom and I have always had a strained relationship. She was physically and mentally abusive to me and my siblings. My dad got full custody of us after she cheated on him while he was deployed. Totally different story, on to the meat and potatoes of this post.
​
After being no contact with my mom for years and many years of therapy I decided to let her back into my life, low contact. I have been in a relationship with my SO for 4 1/2 years and we got engaged in February. I wanted to include my mom in my wedding because it is such a huge milestone. My SO and I live in NY and share a car (this is important for the next part of the story I promise). We have been deciding on where to get married that is what we both want, but is financially smart for us. This is where my mom comes in.
​
My mom is all for being a part of the wedding. She seems genuinely invested in the planning and apologetic about our rocky past. Cool, this is going well. She suggests that we come back down South (where I am from) to get married, it's cheaper, has ties to my roots, and is where my SO and I first met. I agree and we start the planning. She insists on paying for the ceremony and reception portion of the wedding. A total of $6k which is a huge help. I accept the offer and thank her. We move forward in planning and she offers me a car to help me get around. There are no stipulations when she offers the car. She says she wants to help me out and she will pay the car payment and insurance. I talk this over with my Fiance and we both think it would be a huge help to not have to share a car, at least until after the wedding and we can afford a second car for me. We accept the car and I go down to pick it up.
​
Fast forward it's been about 9 months since I got the car from my mom. Everything has been fine. We talk on the phone about once a week and text every couple days. Seems like things are really looking up and I am getting my relationship with her back on track after so many years of being heartbroken.
​
Today I get a text from her saying that at the end of the year my SO and I will need to take over the car payment. I ask if something went wrong and if her finances are ok. She said yes, but she feels like I am old enough to make a car payment on my own. Again, this was never brought up in the process of us taking the car, and I even asked multiple times if we would need to take over at any point because I don't think we could budget for that. I told her that if I would have know this before I would not have accepted because I can't afford another car payment on top of the other expenses we have. We get in a huge fight. She tells me that I am ungrateful and I have forgotten where I come from (White Trash) and basically that my SO does not take care of me. I immediately shut down. I told her that I will be giving the car back to her and that she is no longer welcome at the wedding. She says I am over reacting and to just pay for the car because she doesn't want to take it from me. I insisted that she take the car back and now she's coming up here to pick it up in the next few weeks. Am I the Asshole ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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