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|
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{
"description": "yelling at my bf for telling me details about what a pedophile did to a toddler",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 38
}
|
AITA for yelling at my bf for telling me details about what a pedophile did to a toddler
|
We were driving home, and out of nowhere my bf (m26) casually says “theres a woman who raped/molested a kid and shes not getting in trouble for it” as he browsed his phone. I didnt reply as i was driving and focused on the road and the music on in the car.
He then, without warning or asking, proceeds to tell me in extreme detail what the woman did to the toddler while our own 3 year old sat in the backseat, so I screamed at him. I screamed “why the fuck would you read that to me, why would you think thats okay, that’s disgusting and disturbing, i feel sick now”
His defense was that I read him “sick, disturbing shit” all the time. He would be right as i often read stories to him about deaths in the news in detail HOWEVER I personally dont find graphic death nearly as disturbing or upsetting as the graphic details of the rape of a baby. I never have and never will subject myself to reading things like that.
He yelled back at me, we got into a fight when we got home, away from earshot of our toddler, and havent spoken since.
My sister told me i made it a bigger deal than it was, so i really want to know, am i the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
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|
axg3v4
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{
"description": "going back to old ways after she gave birth",
"pronormative_score": 46,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for going back to old ways after she gave birth?
|
I love my wife and while she was pregnant I gave into a lot of her requests. Even though some of them were absolutely ridiculous. I did it all.
She gave birth in October to our beautiful daughter and I started going back to our old normal, but she’s still insisting on the changes.
For example when she was pregnant she asked me not to use the upstairs bathroom. That the smell was too much for her. I was ok with this while she was pregnant and feeling sick. Now though it’s just insulting. Like her shit doesn’t stink. Surprise, it does. I just deal with it.
Another thing is she would get control of the tv. I let her have it because she’s pregnant, there’s not a lot she can go do so she can watch all the trashy reality shows she wants.
Food is another of our issues now. She’s gotten used to me running out for take out for her and it honestly hurts the budget. I don’t want to do it anymore. When I get home I take over on baby watch. I shouldn’t also have to go get her a burger.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "being upset a my husband for not letting us get a big dog because he is afraid of them",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 20
}
|
AITA for being upset a my husband for not letting us get a big dog because he is afraid of them?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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{
"description": "not taking care of my roommate's dog when dog could have been in danger",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not taking care of my roommate's dog when dog could have been in danger?
|
I am a long time lurker, and I have a scenario that happened about 2 years ago, and till this day I sometimes think about it, and despite everyone in my life telling me I am not the asshole, I figured I wouldn't mind having Reddit a go at it. This is going to be quite long, I'll try to be as concise and short as possible.
I lived with 2 other female housemates. The one I shared a room with (call her L), and the other, C. Now L had her golden retriever (call her doggo) at the apartment with us, and this is in all of our 3rd year in University. A little background about my relationship with these two ladies to set some context.
With C, we didn't get along very well (because I was the asshole to her previously, about not communicating well about my GF's dog being homed temporarily in our appartment, and so I had promised her after a certain date C would never have to see the dog again). And I did keep this promise.
With L, we had bonded well during orientation, but after the first year of living with her, I ended up getting a GF and I don't know if that sat well with her (maybe out of jealousy,I really don't know).
Anyway, the whole start of the problem was when I one day had to throw away some bloody underwear and I had tied the garbage bag and had accidently left it in the bathroom, I was rushing to make it to the bus for my class. I came home later and found that doggo had gotten into the bag, and I could not find the bloody underwear, so I had told L what had happened, and she started panicking (rightfully so) because she said that dogs sometimes eat socks/underwear and if they don't poop it out you need to get it surgically removed so it doesn't cause further damage to the doggo.
Now, this happened on a Thursday, and I also had gotten really ill with a stomach flu, I literally have never thrown up so much in my life(and the only way I could stop the throwing up was using suppositories (fun)). The weekend both L and I had a club tournament to go to, and I had told the team I wasn't able to go, but L as a somewhat co-captain still needed to go, and had asked me to make sure doggo poops normally.
Being so drastically sick I told L that no, I am not well enough to even take care of myself, my GF will take me to her place in another city to make sure I have care. L was furious because she said that since it was my underwear the doggo ate it is my responsibility to take care of it. Don't get me wrong, if I wasn't sick I definitely would have made sure doggo was alright, I'm not a monster. But, again I was pretty much bound to my bed, so I held my foot down and told L that no, I cannot take care of doggo, I can't even take care of myself.
When L insisted that my GF just come to my apartment to take care of me, I said no because then my GF's dog would have to come with her too, and L KNEW about C not being happy with GF's dog, she just said "what is one more day going to hurt? She was here for so long anyway", I told L no again, and that I would not go back on a promise I made C just to watch your dog.
Plus, if my GF had to come to my apartment, she would have to take care of not just me but 2 dogs, AND WORK. (It worked well that I come to my GF's apartment because she literally worked down the street to her apartment so it was feasible.)
What ended up happening? I went to my GF's , I was severely sick for a week, and had residual symptoms for another week afterward. L got another friend to look after doggo.
In the end, doggo was fine, she didn't actually eat the underwear, and I'm left with this bad taste in my mouth whenever I even think about this experience. Still to this day L blames me for not taking responsibility, and yeah, I understand some of her points, but when I am too sick to even take care of a dog, then how could you expect me to do that?
Also, people constantly tell me I am not the ass hole because say for instance you aren't talking about a dog but a baby, if your baby swallows another kid's toy, it is NOT the responsibility of the other kid, or the other kid's parents to care for your child, it's your child, it's your responsibility. This I completely completely agree with this, doggo was not mine, L had chosen to take watch of doggo while at college, doggo is NOT my responsibility.
I am no longer friends with L, because I don't need that shit in my life. There are way way more examples of L trying to use me as a doormat (partically because I kinda let her do that in the beginning), but when my GF started pointing out abusive behavior from L to me, it made me realize that I didn't want to be a doormat anymore.
So yeah, AITA for not looking after my roommate's doggo?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
a8x935
| null |
AITA for what I said to my friend
|
So my friend and I both have various issues and we had a conversation, now she is blanking my messages because she is upset.
**Her:** If you need a break from me just let me know, I feel like I'me annoying you. **(She has said this many times this week)**
**Me:** I don't need a break from you.
**Her:** I just sometimes get the impression you don't want to speak to me. I feel so special when you put so much effort and say lovely stuff to me but sometimes I don't feel that way.
**Me:** (Shortened) I can't always put all my effort into saying lovely stuff to you when I am struggling with my own problems.
**Her:** I just sometimes feel unwanted.
**Me:** Well, I can't help when you feel unwanted. It's really on you a lot of the time, as you have said you overthink stuff, I can't stop you overthinking, I'm not in your head.
**Her:** Oh.
**Me:** What do you mean "oh"?
**Her:** I don't know, I'm not thinking straight. I just wish you can help motivate me sometimes.
**Me:** Look, you're my friend so yeah of course when I can motivate you, I will. You rely on other people to help you rather than you help yourself, I've told you to go to a doctor but you don't, you just say you want someone to motivate you and you'll be alright for however long but there will be times when people will be busy and unavailable to help you.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
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|
aq7i0x
|
{
"description": "wanting to confront a group member for not pulling their weight",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to confront a group member for not pulling their weight?
|
I’m currently taking an online class. In the class you have a private group discussion with your team and a public group discussion with the class. You are supposed to answer the prompt and respond to your team members in the private discussion and then choose one person to post a summary of the groups answers in the public forum. The only way to receive point for the assignment is from the summary, the answer/responses you post in the private discussion are extra credit. The team member that volunteered to post the public discussion didn’t, so we got a 0 bringing my grade from a B to a D. We have a new discussion on a different topic and she stated that she emailed the teacher the response hoping we would get partial credit and that she would be on top of it for the rest of the term. 1. I don’t think we’ll get partial credit as the instructions are clearly posted in the syllabus and on each discussion (including time and due date) 2. I’m not sure whether I should email the professor and discuss the situation 3. I want bring up the fact that I am no longer comfortable with this group member having the responsibility but am unsure how without coming off as an asshole.
No one else in the group has said anything about it...yet.
TIA
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
apyux8
| null |
AITA Been dating long distance for 1yr, still don't know what his body looks like...
|
I'm a guy, he's a guy, we've known each other for about a year and a half. Started dating in February of last year.
I'm not one for modesty in myself, and send him a lot of pictures of myself clothed and unclothed. I do not in any way feel he owes me nudes. But, can't a guy get a clothed, full length pic of the dude he's been dating for a year?
Any time I want to bring it up, I feel like an asshole cause he's talked about how he hates his body. And any time I do try to pull at his seams he always starts crying and hangs up the phone...
I love him so much but it's hard 'cause I dont even know what he looks like. I know hes chubby but honestly that's just more to love. I've told him that.. He doesnt feel that way and shuts himself in his shell...
--All I've asked for is a clothed picture but he can't muster it.
I had just tried to talk to him again, that's why I'm making this post... Am I the asshole for asking for a pic? Because I feel like one.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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RIGHT
|
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|
avrtbz
|
{
"description": "saying our teacher should cut ties with us",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for saying our teacher should cut ties with us
|
My class (Grade 9) is the oldest class in my school, and we've been under the same advisor since Grade 7. The Grade 10 are supposed to be the oldest, but my school is small, and has so little students that whole classes are empty. Since no one is in Gr 10, all responsibilities given to the seniors, such as looking after the lower years, helping plan for school events, and filling in for teachers, is dumped on us. Our advisor entrusts me and the other officers of our class (I am the class secretary) to manage the class, and rarely ever helps us, which is understandable considering that my school's staff is limited and she has to teach five other classes.
She has been our advisor for three years, and has dealt with a lot of our shit, so sometimes she gets mad at us for the smallest reasons because she's really tired of us as she has voiced out countless times. This week, my class has been preparing for an outing for our assigned clubs. Combined with our other projects that we had to submit within the week, we were all really tired. Usually, in the mornings when we wait for our first subject teacher, we like to mess around and talk before lectures start. This morning we were particularly noisy, our advisor comes up, yelling "WHO'S SCREAMING?" then accuses a girl who's known for being loud. She goes apeshit, kicks over our trashcan, pushes stuff off the teachers' table, and breaks her own glasses. She rants to us how tired she is because the coordinator of events of my school is absent and that she has to take care of the outing, then starts calling us inconsiderate for not helping, despite the fact that it was us who planned it in the first place. She starts crying, makes someone call in the Gr 7, the only other highschool class. After humiliating us in front of the Gr 7 and FINALLY giving the announcement she was supposed to give, she lets them go back and starts saying we're so irresponsible, that we're the worst batch she's ever handled, then says "I hate to compare, but it's true." She says how we were abusing her because, and that we should be good to her because she's our "second parent". She opens an open forum and tells us to say what we have against her and she say what she doesn't like about us. We didn't say anything. She starts pointing at my classmates one by one, calling them immature, lacking in common sense, and even called someone stupid. She tells our class president, who literally busts his ass everyday, that choosing him as president was a mistake. Then she asks us what we want and suggests that we cut ties so she'll be nothing but a subject teacher. I say it's a good idea. It's for the best anyway, because obviously she can't handle us, and we're just as tired of her as she is of us. She just walks out.
Later, another teacher comes up and informs us that her BP was high because of us, and if something happens to her, it was our fault and that we would pay for her if she goes to the hospital.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
a19ezs
|
{
"description": "discovering my best friend wished for me to die",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for discovering my best friend wished for me to die?
|
warning: long read
This was a couple of years ago but I still often think about this. My ex-best friend of a couple years and I were in a pretty large friend group at the time for context.
Anyway, my friend, lets just call her ‘A’ told me she was talking to this guy in our college, she showed me the messages and he seemed pretty cool. They would meet up often and I tagged along once or twice, so the guy, A and I started a group chat to talk about life. We talked a lot for a few months and grew closer but I felt A was drifting from me after years of being close best friends. I obviously knew something was up as the guy and A started to talk to me less and less.
Fast forward to my birthday party where I invited the large friend group, including A. I asked her if she had been talking the guy lately and she said more than before. I asked to play a game on her phone and she reluctantly gave me her phone, instead I went on to their messages to see what they had been talking about and discovered paragraphs and paragraphs of them just taking shit about me. I really wanted to just burst with anger but I kept reading and found her saying how much she just wanted me to die and the guy saying “ I should just kill myself.” I was disgusted, raging but I asked her to leave outside without causing a scene.
Later on I messaged both of them saying that they should no longer speak to me or look at me, saying I was finished with them and that I was going to block them on all social media. I then told my friend group what she had done and they all immediately stopped talking to her. I feel guilty as she lost all of her closest friends because of me, I’m not sure if should’ve told them but it was such a big thing that they had done that I had to have someone to vent and cry to. AITA for this?
summed up: found out friend wished for me to kill myself, told all our friends what she had done, she lost her closest friends.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
3g1KlhY0CqdNmW3sQMZQYfyNrudc70UT
|
b6yesp
|
{
"description": "telling my best friend I want nothing to do with her boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my best friend I want nothing to do with her boyfriend?
|
Sorry for the long post and skewed format, im on mobile.
A bit of background: My best friend was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship for a while, and she’s now carrying this mans kid. While I don’t have an issue with helping her, I have an issue with helping him, considering what he’s done to her physically and mentally. (Death threats even.) A bit ago, I was talking to her and she said I was never there for her at the time she needed me the most, her pregnancy. I politely let her know that her boyfriend is not someone I would like to associate myself with considering the past, to which she very harshly came back at me with a string of “I was there for you when you needed it”
More background: She had an abusive household, I would pick her up multiple times just because she didn’t trust herself alone, sometimes at 3am, sometimes at 3pm. Any time she needed me. I talked to her for hours at my boyfriends birthday party because she was upset and didn’t trust herself. I’ve sat with her for hours talking because she didn’t trust herself, I’ve fed her when she refused to eat, I even gave her a room in my house because she needed out of her own. Any time we have an argument, which isn’t often, she throws everything she can back in my face, telling me I’m childish and she’s even threatened our friendship a few times, this time included. Once I tried to ask her to talk to me because I wasn’t feeling well and she told me she was talking to her sister and she couldn’t talk. I’m not trying to put myself on a pedestal, but I think I’m a decent friend to her. My mother told me that I should give him a chance and that maybe things did change.
Anyway, she told me “I guess you’re never gonna see me again because I’m having his kid. He’s gonna be in my life FOREVER” quote. As far as I know, or as far as she told me, he “changed”. Though her grandmother (whom she lived with) told me otherwise. I already have trust issues with new people, as everyone does but especially abusive people. She’s told me I should give him a chance. I’m willing to, just need advice.
So, reddit.. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
iRoG6ygr777UH50cV4jwmyTwgnMGC3Kj
|
aencho
|
{
"description": "not caring about gay pride",
"pronormative_score": 44,
"contranormative_score": 30
}
|
AITA For not caring about gay pride?
|
I had thought I recently met two lovely people who happen to be homosexual. However, as I got to know them I soon began to dislike them. It seemed like they had to make it painfully obvious that they were gay. I felt like every other sentence they tried to squeeze in "Being a gay woman." and various other things such as that. it made me very uncomfortable, I don't have an issue with gay people but I wouldn't go as far as to say as I support them. We're all human, if you're gay then you're gay. Just keep me out of it, is all I ask. After this continued for awhile I decided to try and subtly hint at them that they were mentioning they were gay far too frequently.
When that didn't work, I resorted to telling them beliefs on the subject and I was quickly resented, being called homophobic and unaccepting of them. (Even though I /clearly/ said I do accept them for their sexuality. I would just appreciate it if they didn't annoyingly mention it ever few minutes! Am I the asshole for this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 43,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 30
}
|
RIGHT
|
WTAsKISVpnxYyklAEFlugml92GRhi7Gr
|
afy7uz
|
{
"description": "dating someone I didn't have feelings for so I wouldn't upset them",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For Dating Someone I Didn't Have Feelings For So I Wouldn't Upset Them?
|
This story is actually extremely long on it's own, and full of twists and turns. Because of this, I'm going to start in the middle, so feel free to ask about anything that might not make sense.
There's this guy that I liked for over a year, who we'll call Austin for the sake of this story, but I always knew the crush was unhealthy. I couldn't stop thinking about Austin and would even stop paying attention in class to daydream about him. I only had one of my class periods with him, and it happened to be seventh, so I had to wait all day to see him. Because of this I would force myself to stay at school while sick just to talk with him. So yeah, pretty unhealthy.
However, when Summer came around I lost some feelings for him because I never saw him, and when school rolled around we had no classes together, so my attraction just kept growing weaker. I assumed that Austin never even had a crush on me to begin with, so I felt it impossible that he liked me now. But one day while I was walking out of school, one of his friends came up to me and told me that Austin did, in fact, like me! This made my heart ache because he had been such a big part of my life that I didn't want to hurt him. At my school, we have a dance every month, and that happened to be the Friday before one. I go to all of the dances and Austin had only ever been to one, but of course he had to show up that night. Of course I played petty and avoided him, and I thought I was safe from any confrontation. Because of this I let my guard down, and when I was sitting alone on the bleachers he cane up to me and asked how I felt about him. I told the truth; that I liked him a lot but not in that way. He walked off solemnly, but I thought I'd gone about it correctly. That is, until one of my friends who had been sitting in front of me turned around and said, "That was harsh."
Because of that I felt the need to make it up to Austin and asked him to the next dance. I tried to make it clear I wanted to go as friends, but apparently he needed me to blatantly state this, because two days later he asked me out. I knew at this point I had been unintentionally leading him on, so I felt obligated to say yes. However, I ended up breaking it off less than a month later, and I feel like such an awful person. I want to make it up to him but don't want to make things worse.
I'm already pretty convinced I'm the asshole here, but I want some more opinions.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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r9Kvw4N1FFHDJXXbp1vh9KaNNowOPNjm
|
9xi6bd
|
{
"description": "letting my dog get too close to a young kid",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for letting my dog get too close to a young kid?
|
A couple of months ago, I took my dog to the dog park. I was with one of my friends, and wasn't paying too much attention to what my dog was doing. A dad and his kid were biking around in the park (the kid was very young, was probably around 5 years old) and my dog being the curious dog she is, ran up the the kids bike. My dog never made any contact with the kid or his bike, but sort of just sniffed the bike while very close. This kids starts crying, and as his dad is comforting him, I half-heartedly job over the go grab my dog. I was kinda smiling, but I apologized and went to pick up my dog. Well the dude lost his shit, and started screaming "Do you think this is funny? Learn to control your animal." I just put the leash on her collar and walked away, and didn't pay him any attention. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
eK9QU0KU5QxqSPsAiLDaoWzyfN6DOGMk
|
aggijw
|
{
"description": "accepting both the GI bill and financial aid",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for accepting both the GI bill and financial aid
|
So I'm in my senior year of college and receive both the GI Bill and financial aid. Since currently I am without a job while concentrating in school I get a good amount of financial aid. I'm living a good life style where I'm able to afford food, books and nice clothes (among a nice pair of headphones and computer). Compared to my other counterparts in college I'm living good with no school loans to worry about. I feel guilty about receiving so much financial aid which was awarded to me. This guilt has kept me up at night. I feel like a government leech! I'm I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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}
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OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
DHS1R0FTJlphkETAi99jpK1XfHf4Vn1T
|
akne2c
|
{
"description": "breaking a pinky promise with a girl that we would dance together at prom",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for breaking a pinky promise with a girl that we would dance together at prom?
|
Ah, I've kinda been thinking about this a bit recently and I kinda feel like an unintentional ass.
Maybe like a week or 2 before prom I was walking into the school from the parking lot when 2 girls started yelling my name and telling them to go over to their car. When I got their and started talking the one girl made me pinky promise with her we would dance together at prom. Considering I can't dance I was a little concerned on how that would play out.
Anyways, prom rolls around (No, I didn't have a date) and I saw the girl at prom before the food was served, talked a bit then went over to my table. Sometime during the night on the dance floor I randomly made eye contact with her and her friend then quickly looked away and started talking to someone. The reason I never asked her to dance was a mix of awkward/shyness and not knowing/being able to dance.
Prom ends and I didn't see her again till a week later a party when I randomly run into them and her friend goes "hey girlsname look who it is." and pretty much had a short conversation with her on why we didn't dance at prom,(she brought it up) where I said something along the lines of cause I didn't really see her once the dancing started. Ended the convo with her saying she'd talk to me later and that was the last time I talked to her. Well more because summer was right around the corner than University but yeah.
Was I an asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
OW4r1bdzE7uqv9jbrojKVXdY6BBX2XjO
|
a22br1
|
{
"description": "kicking a useless worker out of my house",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for kicking a useless worker out of my house
|
Edit: post got removed for improper listing my bad
so this is a long story and im not good at posts but i wanna post this for the folks i know for sure deal with this bullshit so here we go. I invited some dipshit homeless fool to work for me and he basically tried to insert himself in my life and home and did shit that very nearly got me evicted and even that like i dont care about but heres where the line got drawn. i asked dude to come here to work and he did absolutely 0% of what i asked the fucker to do. i even offered to pay him to clean and he just went myeh. heres where i ask where im the asshole. i got tired of this shit super quick and im paying the fuck to do all of the nothing he did. i got tired of him not cleaning and just purely cockblocking me. (wont let me bang my wifey man just nope not while im here so ontop of him being a dipshit i got blueballs like a motherfucker) Homie wont clean or do what i asked him or paid him to do. i ask him 10 times in two weeks what hes gonna do (as if he needed the hint) dude just shuts the shit down says i wont talk about that now. i felt bad about it but if he wont hear it or take it am i the asshole if i told him to get the fuck out tomorrow. i tried to give him time and he didnt wanna hear it didnt listen to a damn thing i asked. am i the asshole if i gave dude 6 hours to get the fuck out when he didnt even wanna have the convo? i mean i legit tried to do this civil and i helped him from not being homeless but i just got shat on for it. tfw you just wanna help and end up feeling like the asshole and have to come here to ask randos if you are or aren't. im probably lucky i didnt have to have the cops involved.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
4p9mZSyg6dkQ0pIlOdv4bDiNiYTPceEx
|
ab3pkd
|
{
"description": "calling a fellow student \"kiddo\"",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for calling a fellow student “kiddo”?
|
8th grader (13M) here, the other student (12M) is in 7th. For anonymity he will be N
N is a new student at my school and as a part of the student government, I was ordered to sit next to him during lunch in the beginning of the year. We both hit it off pretty well.
Before, occasionally as a joke I call him “kiddo” since I’m older. It started infrequently but it’s increasingly higher in the number of times I’ve called him that, to almost practically every time we talk/text each other
Usually he doesn’t care but sometimes I see him feeling uncomfortable about me calling him that.
So Reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
l3G7HM51EW4a9NSgVFBv2VkpTO3mRFqo
|
alcr4g
|
{
"description": "writing up an employee but turning my cheek at others",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for writing up an employee but turning my cheek at others?
|
Background: I am a manager at a restaurant that I have worked in for nearly 6 years. I’ve been managing for ~8 months, so some situations are still new to me. We do not have extremely clear-cut policies, and my management team is quite lenient ( read: /too lenient/ )
Story: Today a newer waitress came in too high to function. She had two tables within an hour due to bad weather, and still couldn’t take care of them. She was cut from the floor by another manager and she was still obviously stoned when I arrived. Other servers filled me in and the manager (who is very close with her) had no intention of talking about it until I asked him to come into the office. I asked if she had been cut for that reason, he confirmed, so I decided to write her up. Additionally on the write up, I acknowledged another time she had come into work after day drinking (she could still function, but was tipsy). I also wrote that she has been out of uniform regulations for the past two days.
Now here is where I start to feel guilty: MANY of my coworkers smoke marijuana. A staggering amount. If we cracked down on drug use, we would have no staff left. I’ve sat with people as they take a hit on their smoke break, I know multiple people are dealers, and some cant function WITHOUT weed. The difference is, to me, they can perform their job while under the influence.
CLARIFICATION: I hold no grudges against marijuana. I used to smoke all the time, but gave it up due to anxiety and wanting to keep a clear head. I DO have issues with people presenting horrible customer service in our establishment and thinking they can walk all over their place of employment. I also hold no grudges against this waitress. I actually really enjoy working with her (most of the time).
Am I the asshole?
TL;DR: AITA for writing someone up for being too high to work, while knowing full well that others smoke at work too (but can still maintain their work)?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 6,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
RIGHT
|
qTTdaNYwyffx1LvvQPfBq2uh5S6ckdvw
|
b43kef
|
{
"description": "not wanting to have contact with my sister",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to have contact with my sister?
|
I (M) am the 7th of 7, 5F 2M Sister I'm refering to is 2 years older and #6.
3 years ago my sister got married and chose her wedding date for a time when my parents were going on a cruise with my Grandfather and aunt etc. She wanted them to cancel to go and they straight up said no if you want us to be there then change the date (they had already paid and planned for about a year.) so she changed it to my birthday, whatever no big deal.
I suffer from clinical depression and at that time was going through the task of getting on a medication that worked for me and I was very unstable. (been depressed since 4th or 5th grade maybe earlier) I was 21 at this time living with my parents and working a part time job (~30hrs a week) and I did a lot on my parents farm. She was also living with my parents and would constantly harass me at least 3 times a week telling me I was a PoS and would never be better than her soon to be husband and I should just KMS.
Over the next few months I was constantly verbally assaulted with that fact I was a PoS and should KMS at least 2-3 times a week. I was also informed by my favorite sister #5 that she said no one could mention it was my birthday after 11 am that day. I had already made plans to go visit a friend for that weekend for my birthday (about 2 hours away) which I was told to cancel because it was her wedding (I had planned it before she got engaged.) I really didn't want to go (I hate large social gatherings) and she was being her narcissistic self.
I ending up going only because I wanted to hang out with my grandfather (then 89), who lives 1/2 way across the country and I don't get to see very often. I basically just kept him company the entire time and enjoyed listening to his WW2 stories. The wedding was okay (honestly pretty shitty now that I attended one of my friend's wedding) and I left as soon as I had eaten with my grandfather. I said goodbye to my eldest sister and her family (they live near my grandfather and were leaving for home right after) and went home.
Once she moved I avoided her as much as possible and refused to go to family reunions etc if she was there. I told my parent's that I wanted nothing to do with her and I wouldn't be in any family photos with her there. If I attended any family gathering with her there (without my knowledge) I avoided her and left as early as I could.
My parent's think I'm an ass for not being around her and "forgiving her" for the way she treated me.
It's been 3.5 years and I'm finishing up my schooling and planning to move (my sister moved back in the same small town where my family lives) and I would have no plans to visit afterwards.
Parents think ITA for avoiding her and not forgiving her for being abusive for years and that I won't visit them when I finish my schooling if she's there or be in any family photos including her.
My family knows she told me to KMS often and honestly only #1 and #5 defend me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 19,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
2DOID5l9d17skYFRYxzCaO3wRWwkvRUM
|
b035ew
|
{
"description": "not wanting to take care of dogs",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to take care of dogs?
|
(Obligatory mobile user blah blah blah. Also if you need more info just ask I'm not very good at explaining things.)
I'm 15 years old and I have to deal with the dogs my mom got from a shelter.
Neither me nor my father like dogs but since my mom really wanted dogs my father gave the go-ahead and now we've had 2 medium size dogs for a few months.
The dogs are annoying but they're generally fine. The problem lies in my mother. From day one she dumped all the responsibilities on me and my 11 year old sister. We usually have to feed, water, and walk the dogs. I usually am awake later than my sister so I end up walking them a lot more often even though I never wanted dogs.
As a side note one of the dogs has even nipped my 6 year old brother and has drawn blood, yet the dogs stay and my brother still won't leave the dogs alone.
So, AITA for not wanting to be responsible for the dogs?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
h4jybakRaj8MspBrWaH5hl8XPdOs6NX1
|
as3m0x
|
{
"description": "being drunk and on a dare",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA if I was drunk and on a dare
|
One time I was with my friends (three girls, two guys, and my boyfriend) for one of my friends birthday parties and got drunk, eventually we decided to play truth or dare and I got dared to kiss one of my friends, I kissed him lightly on the lips and I didn’t think much about it because we were friends for a really long time. My boyfriend was there and didn’t say anything at the time so I assumed it was fine and I didn’t realize he was upset but he ignored me for the rest of the night and then was mad at me the next day. He said he didn’t like it and said some mean things about my friend, I said I was sorry and that it didn’t mean anything. He didn’t really talk about it again but I’m wondering if I was the asshole in this situation.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 17
}
|
WRONG
|
cgWIgX8R311khmsfeo29T6aeMyaXt2pQ
|
aso73w
|
{
"description": "removing my sons football boots",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for removing my sons football boots
|
My eldest with my ex wife, plays rugby and has. Pair of boots. He complained that these boots were too small, I checked and his toes reached the top. They were so small they actually have left dents in the leather.
Even though I am out of work I bought him a pair of boots, green yellow and pink. Two sizes bigger than his old ones.
He is about a size four.
When tied properly they fit well and he has tried them playing football and tucking with me. No problems.
I asked the “ex” by email three times if he could use his new boots as they are too small.
He still turned up to rugby in them.
So I took matters in my own hands and took the black ones off him. I told his mum by email before he left that I had done it and why, she then had a go at me in email for doing this.
Not only this, in front of my boy, her boyfriend had a go at me threatening to call the police and that it was theft holding them back.
He then (again with my son in my car) told me he was going to sell (my sons boots, not mine) - which is actually theft (the black boots they were told would be returned once he was wearing the new ones.
Admittedly I told her boyfriend he was an idiot for threatening me over such a small thing and that as his parent I had a responsibility for my children’s safety and that I will be contacting social services and the police (the latter as I have severe mental health issues caused partly by my ex’s and my “mothers” abuse and that this is intimidation) and that I will also tell them that he was drink driving in the car (took an open can in the car whilst driving my son home) one Sunday and speeds excessively with them in he car also (something else I’ve witnessed).
I admit I failed to protect my daughter from her so I am an asshole for that a big one.
But I told the court in a family hearing that I would not fail my kids again and that I would contact social services should abuse to the boys happen.
So, AM I THE ASSHOLE?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
oBh7crkN7qWDaA0FdVpQ1m3DceAua7v1
|
b5fgle
|
{
"description": "not giving a customer the password to our private employee wifi",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving a customer the password to our private employee wifi?
|
I am an employee at a coffee shop. The other day, our public customer wifi went down out of the blue, and we were struggling to get it back up. We have another (password-guarded) wifi network that is our employee wifi, used only by employees. In this instance where the public wifi is down, I would have been perfectly fine giving customers the password to this employee wifi, but my manager has made very clear on multiple occasions that this is a private network, and never to give other people the password. I personally don’t see the harm, but I do as my manager says.
That same day, a professional-looking man in a suit and tie came into our shop with a computer, a briefcase and a bunch of papers, bought a drink and sat down. He came up to me a few minutes later, telling me that the guest wifi wasn’t showing up, and I told him very apologetically it’s down today. He told me, “Well, I’m going to need the password to the employee network, then. I have a lot of work to get done.” I told him, even more apologetically, that we can’t give that password out, as established by the manager. I emphasized how I’d have no problem doing it but it’s her rule. “Well, I need the password though. Like I said, I have a lot of work I need to get done. What’s the password?”
He kept pushing and pushing, until he finally went back to his table and sat back down. He scowled and sulked like a petulant child as he finished his drink, then thrust all of his papers and things back into his briefcase furiously, and dramatically stormed out of the building, huffing angrily as he left and eliciting a huge number of stares from our other customers. I feel bad for him, but rules are rules. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
kSIVWoAgxXzlaNMVmDjuam0RENotxsom
|
at5nwl
|
{
"description": "financially ruining my partner",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for financially ruining my partner
|
My fiancee (I'll call him B) and I were together 3 years. We moved in together after 6 months of dating, largely because he had a lot of debt from previous relationships and sharing my room in a house share was a much cheaper option. In the last 18 months, he managed to rid himself of debt, but we had numerous problems relating to his MH and anger management issues, and me being out a lot - during this time my step-mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer and I spent a lot of time with her and caring for her.
​
Toward the end of last year, B finally got out of debt, and in October we moved out of our single room in a shared house into a 1 bed apartment together. Unfortunately, in November, I took on a huge new project (a book deal for my first novel), my grandmother and step-mom died, plus my family dog which I'd owned for 18 years. I tried to put this aside, as I had tight deadlines on the book. A couple of weeks ago, I handed in the first draft, promptly get very ill, and felt suddenly overwhelmed with grief. My MH has been so poor - crying all the time, feeling physically ill, retreating from any and all social situations and just staying indoors.
​
B was away for a week with work and after a few days of being alone, I started to feel much better and to remember what life was like prior to all the intensity of the last few months/year and a half. I felt a sense of peace and safety by myself. When it got near to the date of him coming home I became an emotional wreck at the idea of him returning. I told him I thought I needed time apart, just to hibernate and process alone, and that maybe in the future we could be together but that right now, I wasn't coping trying to be in a relationship whilst also grieving and working on my book.
​
His response was about how upset he is about trying to find a new place, how he's just rid himself of debt and will need to find enough money for a deposit. I earn more so we figured I would stay here in the 1 bed apartment alone and take on the full rent and he will move out and go elsewhere. He's really upset about this new and unexpected financial situation and I feel so guilty for requesting that we live apart especially when I know how long it took him to rid himself of debt but before. He's done nothing wrong - it's all stuff going with me, so I feel so sad at asking him to go. But I just desperately feel like I need time and space and solitude. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 12,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
DtsA2ZXC5CdSSPlTm1pRGQViWLrUP19u
|
ap711s
|
{
"description": "trying to get back with my ex",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for trying to get back with my ex?
|
Imma try and summarize this the best i can. If you want/need more details ill edit the post.
So i (F17) met this guy (M17) in middle school. I found out from a friend that he liked me, which i found odd since i just joined the school and talked to (we'll call him) Leo once or twice. Despite that, i began talking to him and liking him, so we dated.
A few people would say things to me about him, like his anger issues and how he was mean to a lot of people, and as soon as i saw those traits i broke it off, in fear of judgment. I told him i wasn't ready for a relationship at that time, and maybe we could get back together later down the line.
Few months later, i ask him if he wants to try it again, and he says yes. We date, ans the backlash is 2x worse. People wouls constantly say i was out of Leo's leauge, point out how he'll yell the hard r out on the top of his lungs, etc, so i left once again, but very reluctantly becausr i still loved him.
Flashfoward to Junoir year. I still love him. I told him i still liked him, as to not appear creepy, and he seems okay with it? Like something might end up happening if i play my cards right. Am i the asshole for trying to get back with him though? I explained why i broke up with him, and we talked about it a bit. I admitted to my mistakes, and told him I'd respect whatever descion he makes. I love him so much. He was my first boyfriend, and i never felt the same with anybody else, male or female. Sure, he's done some pretty bad things, but haven't we all..? I just hope I'm bot manipulating him in any way. I truly love him, and will stick through it with him if he does even take me back.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
ZcbXpirpzbp7FcG9TgMT2HeKG8CpmVD2
|
af66ee
| null |
AITA in my friends eyes?
|
About a year ago i had a very good friend, we will call him john and we were extremely close at the time hanging out almost every day and playing Halo and smoking a lot.
I was introduced to john via my ex-gf and we instantly hit it off. The whole friend group was very close to my ex. I had zero friends at the time as i had transferred to a different school for my last year of high school. So i was extremely grateful to finally find a group where i fit in and was accepted. Growing closer to john than any others in the group.
After me and my ex broke up i got on tinder for the ego boost. And to my surprise i met a very nice girl and went out with her. This girl in my friend group looked uncannily like my exs best friend. Reaching doppelganger status at least. I shared this with my exs best friend and sent pictures because of how dumbfounded i was. There was no reply and suddenly the whole friend group stopped talking to me entirely. Acting as if i didnt exist. John and i spoke a few words since then but after that he stopped messaging me entirely.
I dont have all the information(shocker) about what the friend group said to him. Or the exact reason as to why he stopped messaging me But i need to know. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
WCUYcLlWjDE2VJRB50xElkMJ7ZE39LE4
|
atlflv
|
{
"description": "making my friend leave with her dog",
"pronormative_score": 37,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for making my friend leave with her dog?
|
My friend and I have been friends for a several years. She adopted an ex fighter pitt type dog. It’s huge and has many battle scars and she admitted that this dog killed a few dogs and cats before she adopted it. She has a huge heart and I get that these breeds get a lot of hate but that doesn’t make me less fearful of them and I don’t want him around me or my cats. I don’t want to be a person who let a dog with a fighting past around me thinking I’m helping prove that “it’s the owner not the dog” and he ends up hurting me or my cats anyway (you can say media blows it out or proportion and they might but don’t pretend it doesn’t happen.)
My friend wanted to come visit me and my fiancé and I told her sure. So when she’s practically down the street she texts me that she’s bringing her new dog to meet us because “he needs to be socialized.”
Not wanting to be rude, I told her I guess it was ok but to please ask first next time. I wanted to be nice and try to get over my fear but nope. So when she gets here, I see she’s BARELY able to hold onto this dogs leash. I should have said no.
When they come in the dog is barking and growling at me and my cats. 2 of my cats ran but 1 of my cats is a 21 year old deaf girl. She tried to run but the dog kept lunging for her so I scooped her up and put her in the room with the others and closed the door. Her heart was pounding, I didn’t want to leave her in there but I didn’t want to come off as mean. After a lot of convincing from my friend the dog finally calmed down a little but it was on edge. All my friend said was “sorry bout that lol he’s still learning.”
We all sit down to chat and she just let him off his leash to roam around the house! I asked her nicely if she could keep him close but she glared and said that “he’s fine he just needs to learn.”
We keep talking but I can’t focus because I can’t not watch this dogs every move. He ate all the cat food and kept going back to the door my cats were in and growling. So I asked her again if she could keep the dog next to her. She rolled her eyes and got the dog to sit next to her. For a bit everything seemed to be ok and I started to relax, we turned on the TV and we were focused on the show. I then felt something grab onto my leg and making weird movements. I looked down and this dogs was humping my legs!
I freaked out and pushed the dog off of me and yelled “NO! ABSOLUTELY NO! GET OFF OF ME!” The dog got off but he started growling and barking again. My friend got up and started yelling AT ME! “Don’t push my dog! He’s not hurting you!” I told her to get out don’t ever bring him back. She left right then.
I know I could have probably handled it better but in the moment I wanted the dog gone. She didn’t even ask if she could bring it over in the first place! And it was scaring my cats! Our friendship is pretty much moot at this point, but was ITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 37,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 37,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
o62iBnVlqV1sTE3CbJMyGpj0uuVAOxYW
|
atzxr0
|
{
"description": "not defending my female friend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For Not Defending My Female Friend?
|
We're both 20, we went out for drinks yesterday and were walking around a mall beforehand we are just friends and she has a longtime BF. When we were walking around we walked by a crazy guy and he grabbed her ass and she was so pissed and started yelling at him and trying to fight him. I stopped her from hitting him because the guy was like egging her on and def would have kicked her ass. She then told me to do something about this and I was like ah no, the guy is huge and crazy. I'm not a big guy so would have got my ass beat too and I'm not her boyfriend so I don't have to like defend her honor or anything like that. I suggested we walk away and go to security and or a cop. We walked away and the whole time she was berating me and calling me a pussy, asshole, not a man. And when we got to the security guy she said she didn't want to hang out anymore after she gave her statement to him and a cop so I left and went home.
​
AITA For chickening out? I'm a lover not a fighter and she's just a friend so I didn't feel the need to like beat up a guy for disrespecting her. Also he just grabbed her ass and was not continuously doing anything so her or I doing anything to him would not be self defense.
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AITA for Pavlov-ing my gf?
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Apologies in advance for formatting, I'm posting through my phone.
My gf (F20) and I (M21) are usually super chill and dont fight very often. We go to the same uni and we love making fun of these over dramatic couples we see or hear about from our friends, by pretending to have a fit over a really small issue ("OMG HOW COULD YOU NOT HOLD THE DOOR FOR ME? WE ARE SO DONE!") just as a joke between us.
Now for the fuck up.
My gf usually has rreaaally bad period cramps, to a point where she can't walk back to class if we're at the canteen. She just clutches her tummy and lays her head on the table and prays for the pain to go away. For the 8 months we've been dating I've bought her chocolates every time it was her time of the month to sort of distract her from the pain cuz I heard chocolate works wonders (and fellas, it really does).
But this time I didn't cuz I'm literally broke to the bone cuz of buying materials for class. And she got really mad at me.
At first I thought she was doing the overacting drama thing as a joke, so I played along.
Her: WTF, the one time you needed to pull through and you let me down?! (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻)
Me: Oh I'm sorrryyyy, but does it say "room service" tattooed on my forehead?
And this is when she shoots me this look of absolute disgust, and gets up and storms out. Me being the dumb bitch that I am thought she was still pretending, so I was sitting there waiting for her to come back so we could laugh it off. Except she didn't. Turns out she walked back home (she lives pretty close to uni) alone.
When I texted her and asked her what happened. She said that my reaction was totally uncalled for and all she asked for was a chocolate. (gf is from a well off family) and said its impossible to not be able to afford even a chocolate. And now she's being lowkey salty towards me.
Women of reddit, help a brother out. Pls. I really like her and I don't want things to spiral out of control.
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AITA for lying to my friends constantly .?
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I have a really bad anxiety disorder and I tend to have a horrible memory.
But I don’t know how to say no to people..I have a lot of close friends, which I am very thankful for, but sometimes “being popular” and having mental disorders don’t mesh well
I say yes to hanging with a friend let’s say next week on Tuesday at like 4 pm. I am looking forward to said event but then I forget about it that same day. Tuesday rolls around and I have plans with 3 people at 4 pm I just remembered all at once now I gotta come up with excuses to not hang with people, try to make it a group event which could be awkward or just tell people I planned over and we need to reschedule. Which again isn’t easy because my anxiety makes me over think it. And I don’t want to have to choose between friends and pick favorites
I can’t seem to remember shit like this until the day it happens then I’m always known as the guy who flakes or cancels on all his friends last minute
I end up lying to everyone I care about because I’m scared they’re gonna be mad at me, then they just get mad at me for lying
I’ve got people mad at me frequently for “not caring about them enough to be honest” but I don’t like lying I just get caught up in the moment and my anxiety almost takes over me. I tried explaining this to one of my best friends and he insists that I do it purposefully and he can’t trust me anymore. Am I really the asshole here ??
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AITA for blowing up at my boyfriend and changing how our dates go from now on?
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My boyfriend and I are in college. I am in university housing, eat on a meal plan, and my parents have said that they will pay for my dining hall food, but will not give me money to spend in restaurants or for takeout (which is more than fair and I’m thankful for what I have).
My boyfriend of almost 2 years lives in an apartment his parents pay for, and they pay for all of his groceries and whenever he wants to eat out, so he eats out for every meal.
When we go out, we switch off who pays the bill. I’ve tried to explain how annoying that is for me, because I eat half as much and would pick cheaper items, but he refused to do it my way. At the time, early in our dating, I was working full time and could usually get him to eat something I cooked or I could afford a little splurge after an overtime shift.
Now I’m stuck. I have no income now that I’m a full time student, and it’s not easy for me to do this any longer. He never wants to eat with me at the dining hall where I can swipe him in, or cook food from ingredients I can buy with my swipes, or cook his own anything, so from Friday night until Sunday when we hang out it’s constantly ordering in. I tried to explain that it’s different for him to buy my tiny portion on his parents card than for me to buy his meal and a half with money I’ve saved myself but he doesn’t get it. He begs me to come over before dinner and then gets mad when I don’t want to order in, so I end up pretending I’m not hungry while he orders something. He doesn’t like when I bring my own food over, even when I bring a bunch to share, and he especially doesn’t like going separate places for dinner.
I am saving to go on a long spiritual trip to Asia that I’ve been dreaming of for years, and have been living very frugally since I first had the idea in early high school to afford the experience. I didn’t want to do this anymore, so I told him that I will never order in anymore, and we are going to eat and pay separately, and I refuse to go out unless it’s a special occasion. He got mad and said I’m being cheap and I focus too much on money and it ruins the fun of the weekend and our dates, and if we do that it’ll feel like a transaction.
So Reddit, am I actually the asshole?
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AITA for not really wanting to be friends?
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(On mobile, sorry for formatting!)
My ex-bf of a year cheated on me a few months ago. I was devastated. I had a general idea a few weeks ahead of him admitting to it cause he pulled back emotionally from me. No texts, never called, wouldn't come home that kind of thing. So anyway, during those weeks..I cried...ALOT! I was heartbroken that here i was going thru this again..I mean I saw the signs from dealing with past relationships that happened the same way. In a way, those weeks helped me overcome and start to accept my reality, so when he did come clean about the cheating I was pretty calm and level headed.
I told him we was over, that he needed to leave and that I'm sorry this ended this way but I am not putting up with cheating as it has happened to me in the past and well, once a cheater always a cheater! He kept asking me if we could still be friends and I agreed just to get him to shut up about it. Once he was gone, I blocked him on social media and changed my number. Mainly due to how I felt about him. I still felt strongly about him even though I was calm and I knew if I had a way to communicate with him i was going to crack.
Fast forward to now. I am mentally stronger. I am finally over him completely and the thought of him does not make my chest hurt. I went to the grocery store and saw him and it was almost a relief not to feel panicky! I been avoiding him for so long I was worried that I wouldnt know how to act normally but none of that fear happened. I walked up to him and said hey and asked how he was. He GLARED daggers at him and basically said how I lied to him and lead him to believe that we could be friends after the break up. And since it's been months of no contact why come up to him now.
I dont feel like I was an ass cause i dont owe him anything but then again this voice inside me says maybe I was.
Was I an ass?
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AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend?
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so...my (now ex-) boyfriend and I have been together for 3 1/2 years and I have been doubting our relationship for some months every now and then. Normally, I wouldn't be the person to change anything as he still is a very good friend to me and I knew it would break his heart if I ended things. However, I recently talked a lot with a guy from Uni about a lot of personal things and we got a long very well and might have kissed once or twice (to clarify: he isn't the reason I decided to end things). With his help I realized that I wasn't the happiest I could be and decided to break up with my boyfriend. Of course, my boyfriend is absolutely heartbroken and I feel really bad about leaving him since he already has a lot of personal problems going on. Despite that, I've felt really relieved for the past week and have also run across the thought, that staying longer and breaking up a few months later wouldn't have made anything better, although maybe we could have saved our relationship? I have no idea anymore. Am I the asshole in this situation or is it okay what I did?
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WIBTA if I got mad at my sister for breaking a gift she got me?
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My sister got me a nice contour make up palette for my birthday. The next day she asked if she could use it and I said yes since I didn’t mind. She dropped it after using it, making the make up inside crack. She didn’t even tell me she broke it, she left it until I opened it later and then asked her about it.
I’ve been using it since bc I don’t have the money to buy it myself and it’s a really nice one, but it’s really hard to use and I usually end up making a mess.
Would getting angry about it make me ungrateful since she bought it for me in the first place?
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AITA for unintentionally hanging out with boys, while being in a relationship?
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Had a hard time coming up for a title here. Some background info, I'm 19, F, and in a relationship with someone who is 20, M.
My boyfriend is pretty old fashioned, conservative, and there is nothing wrong with that and it's part of what made me want to be with him in the first place. We've been dating for a little over a year and a half. I work and go to school so my schedule is pretty tight, I spend almost all of my free time with my boyfriend. I rarely go out and drink, and when I do it's usually with my family or my bestfriend.
Just last night, my bestfriend and another girl were hanging out just the 3 of us, when someone they work with invited us over to his house. He is 17 and in high school, and he had a few girls and guys at his house all in high school. Probably 10 of us in total. So I figured sure why not. I didnt see this as a big thing, I literally went over in my pjs. I honestly would have rather stayed in and drank with my friend, but I didnt want to just ditch her.
We went over and I sat on the couch for most of the night and drank bud light with my friend. At some point my friend got everyone together on the couch and snapped a pic of us and put it on her snapchat story. This morning I woke up to a text from my boyfriend asking me what that was on her story. He said, "what is that, where were you". So I told him exactly what I just wrote here. And boy is he pissed off. He told my I would be crazy if I didnt think he was mad, now were in a HUGE argument and he is saying stuff like, "If you dont like my values, you can leave" "I have really strong values when it comes to drinking and those values arent going to budge and if you dont like it, I don't see us lasting" I am so upset! I have never ever ever done anything suspicious or unfaithful.
Just about a month ago he got upset with me when he found out I was drinking with my mom and dad in the city on new years day. He has gotten upset when I'm with my bestfriend at her house having a few glasses of wine. Should I be sorry for this, or do we have vastly different values that I just dont understand? Someone please help me understand this. Also I wrote this in an upset fury because this fight is still happening, so this post is probably riddled with typos.
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"description": "not allowing my mother to post pictures of our ultrasound on facebook",
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AITA for not allowing my mother to post pictures of our ultrasound on facebook (and limit posts)?
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My wife and I are expecting, and my mother has been the happiest I have ever seen her, and she has been quite depressed for a while. For my whole adult life she has been looking forward to being a grandmother the most. My wife and I told her several weeks ago that we were expecting, and I have never seen her so excited. Honestly, I am happy that she's happy.
We recently announced it to the world, and my mother asked if she could share on her facebook wall and I said yes. She goes fucking nuts and posts dozens of status updates while responding to my family publicly and tagging me and my wife with messages like "OMG ARE YOU EXCITED YOU ARE GOING TO BE AN UNCLE/NEW COUSIN/AUNT/GREAT AUNT/etc", or "OMG CAN YOU BELIEVE I AM GOING TO BE A NANA!?" While I find this more than a little excessive, it makes her happy so I've stayed out of it.
Yesterday she asks if she can post our ultrasound pictures, but we haven't made them public yet and I don't think we plan to. I told her politely, "I would rather you didn't, we haven't shared them yet and it's a little creepy. Also, I understand you are super excited about this, but please temper your posts on facebook."
Initially I thought she took it well, but I get a frantic call from my brother that our mother is crying and that I should let her do what she wants because she has never been this happy.
I honestly don't think I am being unreasonable here. Maybe you guys can play devils advocate.
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AITA for relation door slamming?
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Alright I'm going to keep this post brief but still throw a TL;DR at the bottom for the lazier folks.
I live on the second floor of a building with my girlfriend, roommate, and dog. My downstairs neighbors are front office workers for the apartments. They are also inconsiderate with their door slamming. Door slamming that causes my dog to shake uncontrollably out of fear and knocks my picture frames down. I've asked multiple times to keep it down with the door slams, and eventually reported them to the front office. Doesn't matter because like I said they work for the front office.
So at my wits end, I decided that every time they slam that door, I'm going to slam back. Now, I take my dog and hide her in the bathroom far away, remove a couple pictures off the wall, and slam my front door with the might of Thor. Extensive process but I don't know what else to do.
And you know what? They haven't slammed the door in over a week. New record. Thankfully I move out soon.
TL;DR AITA for slamming my own front door every time my downstairs neighbor does the same? I've asked them to stop dozens of times and reported them multiple times to the front desk. The slamming scares my dog and knocks over pictures.
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AITA for not helping my Ex when she was having an emergency.
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Throwaway because of reasons. A little backstory first, my ex (Rose) and I were together for 5 years, from the ages 18-23. She was my first everything and I was young and stupid. Rose is also the most toxic, self-absorbed and spiteful person I have ever met. I made so many sacrifices for her during our relationship like dropping out of college my sophomore year because she had threatened to leave me for someone who would spend more time with her. Now our break up was messy, she left me for my best friend/ our roommate and they kicked me out of the house we lived in. I ended up having to live out of my car for a few weeks because she had spread lies about to our group of friends saying I had been violent towards and no one would let me stay with them when I had no where to go. During this time of living out of my car she would call me almost every screaming at me to get my stuff out of the house. When I finally found a place to live, I went to the house to get my stuff they called the cops on me saying that I had broken in. which was a huge ordeal where I had to show them messages from her telling me to come over at any time to get my stuff and the lease that I was still on. After 6 months of being alienated and isolated from everyone I had been close to for the last 5 years I moved back in with my mom 3 states away and went back to school.
I am 32 now and, in that time, I graduated college, met an amazing woman, got married and had a kid. I have had no contact Rose since I moved away. From what I’ve gathered through people I know she and the roommate she left me for got really into drugs and partying and broke up less than a year after they started seeing each other. The roommate was never able to quit the drugs and ended up overdosing a few years ago. A few of my old friends eventually apologized for the way they treated me after realizing what type of person Rose really was. She just uses people until they of are no use to her and then she moves on. Last year they even warned me when Rose’s new boyfriend got a job in the city I live in and they were going to move here. I didn’t really worry too much its a huge city and the chances of running into her were very low.
a couple days ago a received a phone from Rose, I have no idea who would give my number to her. In the phone call she was hysterical saying her boyfriend was abusive and she was scared she had no one here and she knows that I hate her but I’m the only person she knows that lives here. I told her she need to call the police or woman’s shelter and to never contact me again, then I blocked the number she called me from. I had decided a long time ago that I would never let this person back into my life. I also haven’t told my wife about this because she is a such a kind and caring person that she would insist that help her and I don’t want Rose anywhere near my family. So am I the asshole for not helping my ex when she had an emergency?
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AITA for stopping talking to my friend?
|
Sorry for my poor grammar, English isn't my first language.
There's a girl I've known ever since we were both in my country's equivalent of 1st grade, let's call her A. While in elementary school, me and A were never BEST friends, but we were friends and we spent time together at school, and sometimes outside of school, but usually through other friends. When we moved up to secondary school, most friends went to a different school than the one me and A went to and we didn't see them as much or as often, so me and A ended up becoming closer friends than before.
I made friends on my own at the secondary school but A was very shy and quiet and socially awkward (I think she has autism), so it was harder for her to make friends. She couldn't figure out how to start a friendship on her own, so other people always had to be the ones who started it by talking to her. After I had made my own friends, I introduced A to them, and I also helped defend her from bullies and assholes.
My friends liked A, so we stayed friendly throughout secondary school. but as we got older and grew up the things we liked and our personalities changed. She always liked to watch films and cartoons and read books, and she liked 'nerdy' things like Harry Potter and superheroes and animes a lot, and she liked to stay in rather than go out. My friends and me didn't really like things like that when we got older, as we preferred to have more active fun out and about at parties or on day trips, which A didn't like very much because of her shy personality and her self-consciousness. I was seeing less and less of A and now I barely see her once twice a month, and I actually talk to her even less. I asked my friends about the possibility of inviting her out on a trip, or spending time with her doing something she liked or at the very least reaching out to her, but they didn't want to, with a few of them even saying they didn't like her anymore.
I brushed it off and forgot about it, but recently I did see her again at a restaurant, and she was alone and she looked really sad. I feel like a piece of shit for forgetting how shy she was and how she couldn't make friends on her own, and then I, the one who helped her to make new friends in the first place, took off with the rest of her friends and left her to be lonely. I brought it up to my friends, saying that I wanted to invite her to something we were planning or spend time with her, but they all said that they didn't like her or they didn't want to, and that it was A's own fault that we didn't spend any time together anymore. Am I an asshole for leaving her to be alone? I definitely feel like reaching out for her but would my friends be upset or angry that I was choosing her over them? Am I over thinking all of this? I just feel really shitty for abandoning her like I did.
TL;DR I, along with all of my other friends, stopped talking to my shy, introverted friend and now I'm worried she's sad and lonely. Am I an asshole?
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AITA for telling an annoying kid to fuck off?
|
Every single day at school for at least a month this annoying kid singles me out and screams in my ear, pokes and slaps me in the head and arms, throws my papers and pencils on the floor, follows me in the hallway making gross slurping noises, and once scribbled on a drawing I made for my friend and crumpled it up thus ruining it. I have told the teachers and they don't do anything. I have ignored it and he doesn't leave me alone. I even tried telling the principle and he didn't do anything either. I don't even know this kids name and i don't know why he's just doing this to me and no one else. Yesterday he started poking and hitting me and I finally snapped and told him to fuck off and leave me alone before I broke his arm. he started crying and ran to get a teacher and I ended up getting in trouble while he got off scot free. Today he left me alone but still followed me in the hallway but didn't make his usual noises. Am i the asshole? should i apologize for what i said to him?
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|
AITA for not wanting to go to my great grandmother's funeral?
|
So today I get a text from my mother stating my great-grandmother passed away, made me sad yes, she was a great lady... but I haven't seen her in a VERY long time so no tears were shed.
However, my mother also stated in that same text to my brother and I that she "expects that I will be going with her to the funeral". (exact words)
I haven't responded to her text yet, (tried calling but she didn't answer) but I don't want to go for a variety of reasons:
1. I have a 1 year old daughter that I don't want to make my wife watch alone for multiple days.
2. I haven't seen this grandmother in literally 15 years and kind of just want those to be my last memories of her.
3. I don't particularly care for seeing the rest of my mothers side of the family.
4. I literally have no extra time off left from work because my daughter was really sick a while back and I used it all up. I work weekends, and that will most likely be when the funeral is. I won't lose my job if I go but I'll take a hit to my check.
5. I would have to pay for gas/plane ticket out of pocket because my mother NEVER helps with that type of stuff.
Am I the asshole for not wanting to go?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
TMqjFY17vLyeshdlSUK6SRB4ee5OKqdI
|
awge6d
|
{
"description": "slowly ignoring my friends",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for slowly ignoring my friends?
|
It all started last year. We started off as a group of friends that were there for each other, that had each others backs - and were just all in all very supportive.
A few months in and most of them went off to join respective organizations inside the university. I'm not saying this is a bad thing, though - but it sure could have a major influence on how they 'socialize' with people, so to speak.
​
Anyway, since then, I've noticed that a few of you changed your attitudes - nothing major, I think. But it's just that most of you have been more abrasive in conversations, picking on others inabilities to do certain things. You're more harsh with words, throwing insults around like they mean nothing, not picking up on the possibility that said insult might hurt the person being insulted, even if the insult was said in a jesting manner.
So, I'm starting to pull away, from all of you, slowly - just until I get my head on straight. I've set our group conversations to ignore, muting some of you on social media. I've started to spend time with other people, too - the people who aren't currently part of our friend group. They're less toxic and way less exhausting to be around these days.
I'm sorry to all of you, I really am. But sometimes things just get a little too much - even for somebody who's been as patient as ever.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ybijLcqviAkj2CcxZvoCgSXyL3SiZRYT
|
b77lyu
|
{
"description": "ghosting my friend who shunned me during a mental breakdown",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for ghosting my friend who shunned me during a mental breakdown.
|
Happened a few hours ago. I don't think I will be talking to him for the next few months at least.
Also he was kind of my best friend, not the best friend but a good friend.
Today I wasn't feeling well and had a headache since the morning, I woke up and started playing games in the hope that they will distract me from the pain.
At that time I didn't know what was about to come.
So I play a few games with this guy, and he says he won't be playing for the rest of the day. I just shrug and carry on with my day.
That evening, I had a fight with my sister who I love to death.
The headache was also not gone but it stopped being so effective after a while.
The headache basically reappeared at the time I has the fight with my sis.
So yeah already a shitty day and it gets worse.
At night I messaged my friend if he wanted to play a challenge which we were hyped for.
He refused but instead of just saying no, he continues to say that he wasn't as free as I was and I had no work to do.
Okay, good but next he says that it's why I have no friends and I'm a piece of worthless shit.
This leaves me in a pretty terrible mood so I block him.
After a few minutes of that, I had an anxiety attack, with my breathing rate increasing and me freaking out very badly to the point that I was legit shaking on the floor crying because of all the shitty things that had happened today.
I have in the past tried to tell me 'friend' about this anxiety thing I have and he either doesn't believe it or laughs it off. It never really bothered me so I laughed with him, dying inside since not even a person I knew well believed me.
So there you have it, I have ghosted him on every thing that we communicate on and he can't talk with me in school either.
He basically gave me a middle finger when i needed a hand and I know he follows me on Reddit and may read this comment.
If you do, then from the bottom of my heart,
Fuck you and I never want to see your face again.
So Reddit, Am I The Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"EVERYBODY": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
XMzTLdQOrNRYAKgoAdsal8SFglckuyxa
|
av6izv
|
{
"description": "demanding my husband not fraternize with my mother",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for demanding my husband not fraternize with my mother?
|
As part of a scheme I'm working on to try and not want to blow my brains out, I keep my interactions with my mother to a bare minimum. After realizing that a lot of fucked up stuff that happened during my childhood and early twenties was inexcusable, borderline sociopathic behavior and realizing that she relentlessly attacks her children's self esteem so that they will never grow out of their fucked up co-dependent relationship with her, I actively pursued the juuust right amount of Mom in my life: as little as possible without causing a whole thing with my siblings. She gets a call on Thanksgiving and Christmas and a card on Mother's Day and her Birthday. End of list.
It was a good system while it lasted, but that all went up in smoke when my husband and I had to take in my nine year old nephew. It's a long story and the why isn't super relevant to the AITA question. My husband and I are indefinitely raising my nephew. He's a really great kid and we both consider it a privilege to get to be there for him. Obviously, this means I can't continue to freeze out my mom without keeping her from her grandson which isn't something I'm willing to do. My nephew is really fond of his grandma and she's never demonstrated the kind of psychologically abusive behavior I remember from my childhood towards him (although I keep my head on a swivel for it). She's now regularly around my house to visit my nephew. I'm polite to her but keep it very all-business. Any personal questions are met with vague, noncommittal answers and I always steer the conversation back to logistics around visiting/babysitting/going out with my nephew. I'm committed to not letting her use my nephew as a shoe in the door to my life.
My husband, on the other hand, doesn't seem to share my commitment. His parents are very religious and more or less disowned him when he came out of the closet and we've always been supportive of each other's family baggage, but that seems to have all went out the window when he met her and she was suddenly around the house a lot. They will call each other 'just to catch up', go out to lunch, see a play, ect. I've made it very clear that I do not like this, but he always laughs it off like I'm fucking Lorelei Gilmore and not liking my mother is some fun "quirk" of mine that can just be waved off. I lost it when I found out he was telling her stories about me in college, dating, and just generally gossiping about my life in ways he knows I actively try to keep her in the dark about. We had a tiff where I said I felt disrespected by him having such an informal relationship with my abuser and he said I was being controlling and if she's going to be in our house all the time, he should be free to do what he wants to make their relationship work.
​
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ouWEXrchDCroUs8zDRalpkKJMTcCyfnA
|
acq1w5
|
{
"description": "not wanting to get married or have kids",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to get married or have kids.
|
Im nearing the age when one wants to find someone to settle down with and start a family. My parents really want me to get married so that they can have grandchildren and are actively looking for a wife for me. I am also someone who routinely works and studies for around 100 hours weekly and would much rather do research than anything else. Because of that I feel like me getting married and having kids would be a disservice on a future spouse and kids and I would much rather do my work then spend time with a wife and kids. They also want the future spouse to be someone they find from back home which I don't agree with(arranged marriage from Pakistan). On the other hand my parents have supported me for my whole life and really want grandchildren. Would I be the asshole for denying them grandchildren? I can obviously change my mind later but they are older and not in the best health.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Sv8HqlmGrskeXgxLQ4Wawzbdy7UHhvus
|
ary236
|
{
"description": "telling someone they used a word wrong",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling someone they used a word wrong?
|
So someone on Tumblr made a post about "good" vs "bad" homeopathy. The thing is that none of the things they mentioned were homeopathy and I didn't like the idea of spreading the idea that good homeopathy exists so I simply commented "I don't think this word means what you think it means," intending to start a discussion.
Apparently this was a bad decision. I got attacked by both the op and their followers saying "how dare I criticize a terminally ill person" and that I was a horrible person.
I am still kind of confused. Are terminally ill people exempt front criticism? Or were they overreacting? Let me know what you guys think.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
TiACL94LlkmAXVqo46WHvQzEMtuauh9N
|
b1mnfa
|
{
"description": "wanting a rent reduction when roomie's gf moves in",
"pronormative_score": 81,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting a rent reduction when roomie's gf moves in?
|
My roommate's gf wants to move in. I already pay more than 50-50 split because I make more money than he does. He has been implying that if his gf moves in then he doesn't think there should be any kind of rent reduction because I make more money. I'm annoyed, because:
1. I already pay more than 50%
2. I went to school for years to get something other than a minimum wage job (and now have student debt to pay off), while he didn't and has no debt.
I don't think it's fair for gf to move in and for us to not split the rent where I pay less than 50%. I suggested I pay 40% and they pay 60%. Roommate is mad. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 80,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 81,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
HFYdIHL3H4Pzz1QibGEq9myyzazE23GZ
|
ax0l26
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go to my cousin's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go to my cousin's wedding?
|
First time posting here but genuinely curious if I'm the asshole.
My grandmother sadly passed away in December. She was the best grandmother of 13 grandchildren and I lived with her for most of my life before moving to the United States. I visited my home country once a year or so and it was really sad seeing her become more and more fragile. Unfortunately, she passed away before I could visit one more time to say goodbye but oh well.
In mid-December we heard the news and my immediate family instantly bought tickets to fly there the following day. I had final exams and projects and work but I just had to go and be there for my family, which I never ever see since we moved away. I thought, my grandmother was the reason I even have a family so not going to her funeral was never an option.
We get there and I see an aunt and uncle who live in the same country but a 2-hour flight from where the funeral was. I asked where my cousins were and they said they couldn't come because reasons. Work, whatever. They say this to the person who flew in from a different country to be there.
The thing is, my cousins (4 of them) had been slowly drifting apart from the rest of us. There was no reason for this, just time and distance. But I thought, this is the funeral of their grandmother and not one of them bothered to show up! I was speechless. Over the next few days, some other cousins and I talked about this and they agreed. None of the 4 who didn't show up even sent a text of support or condolences. Absolutely nothing. I was livid. But when I talked to my mom and sister they didn't feel the same way. They said "what if it's the money or time or they maybe have other reasons". Nope. They're a wealthy family and they could've been there for a day. There were no other reasons other that they didn't feel like saying goodbye to our grandma or being there for the rest of us.
Anyway, one of the cousins is getting married this month. I've known about this for several months (not actually from my cousin-I was never formally invited by the bride and groom). The invitations were open "to everyone in the family" which didn't compel me to visit another country to the wedding of who is basically a stranger. I was already on the fence about going but after the lack of cousins at my grandmother's funeral, I never even want to see them again.
So, am I the asshole for being petty and resentful? My mom and sister insist that I should go because they're still family. Well, the one chance they had to prove they were still part of the family, they didn't show up so I don't want to be bothered to celebrate a wedding to which I wasn't even personally invited. They also say I don't know the reasons why they didn't show up to the funeral and that I can't hold a grudge forever but I missed school, work, final exams, and almost had to take an incomplete for my classes but I thought there are important things in life that are worth missing a day or two of work for.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
DYnTmh07Oi1CmoO8fkX02OUwdHd2zw1Y
|
b3ixl2
|
{
"description": "not supporting my drunk friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not supporting my drunk friend?
|
I've been friends with this girl for about 7 years. She and I are close but the biggest difference between us is she is a social butterfly, knows everyone in town, and loves to go out. I enjoy socializing but I love my down time and I love coming home every night. I've been in a healthy relationship for the past 2 years and we are becoming more serious.
This friend and I now come to this point of extreme opposites, when she tells me she cheated on her husband on a work trip. She felt guilty about it but also very excited to talk about this new flame. She tells me about her ongoing marriage problems and how he suppresses her, hates going out or spending money, doesn't want to be social, gets mad at her for going out all the time. I lent an ear and tried to be there for her. I messaged her over the weeks checking on her.
Prior to the separation and during, she was partying heavily. Out every night til 3. Drinking with new people I had never met before. A month later she and husband are separating and he's moving out. She's upset about a few details but definitely wants to chat up her new flame(s) and what she's been up to. The relationship quickly becomes one sided. Every time I see her, we ONLY talk about her. Her drama. Her ex. Her current fuck. Time passed and the conversation was ONLY about her. It pissed me off but also hurt me badly. I wasnt available to go out with her much anymore. The drama was too much. I have anxiety and depression and this only made me spiral. Some of the friend group were already peacing out on the friendship after she told them "Go choke on a bag of dicks and drown in a puddle of cum." She legit raged at them and others if anyone questioned her marriage.
I decided to talk with her on her drinking & hard partying. We had a long discussion and I genuinely thought things were going to get better. This past weekend, she ditches me & another friend for an event we had to pay to get in to.
I'm to the point that I want to go off on this girl. When I've talked about this with others close to me, they say I shouldn't judge her and need to consider what she's going through. It's been hard because I can understand WHY shes doing what she's doing, but I can't participate or relate to it because I feel we are at different stages in our lives. She wants to party, hook up, (she now claims polyamorous) and has the attitude that no one can tell her what to do. And I'm very much enjoying building my career, setting with my boyfriend, and playing games at home. Is this me judging her? Is this me not supporting her in her alcoholism? Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
6wWZkWEsNQcNbQbusxRg2uHoQTNqtxHh
|
az6nyh
| null |
AITA in this fight with my mom?
|
Mom: I would never get married if I was a guy your age in today's society. Its nothing but a screwjob. Only reason I would ever want to get married is because I'm a girl and i want the stability of having a guy to lean on.
Me: I think that's a very negative way to look at marriage. I want to be married before starting a family. I sometimes do worry about the financial situation involved because of how much more student loan debt (gf) has than me, but (gf) already said she'd be ok with a prenup that keeps our debt and finances separate.
Mom: Well thats a good idea if she agreed to it.
Me: Especially since (gf) will probably make more money than me in the future. Ideally, the only thing I would be willing to pay for in the event of a future divorce, is child support.
Mom: Well, even if you weren't willing to pay child support, you'd still be forced too by the government.
Me: (Sent an eye-rolling emoji) Me every time you say things like this.
Mom: Like what? That you'd have no choice but to pay child support?"
Me: Well, more like 'marriage is a sham unless you're a woman' and also the completely needless mentioning that i would be forced to pay child support even if i didnt want to because i very clearly said that i would so why even bring that up?
Mom: I feel like everytime we talk i have to walk on eggshells around you because I'm afraid youre going to get annoyed and upset at me because of my beliefs. You do it all the time and it hurts my feelings because I'm afraid i cant say anything without you acting annoyed.
Me: So I'm not allowed to disagree with you about anything?
Mom: I dont care if you disagree. I care that you try to make me feel bad by sending out body language vibes that I'm stupid or wrong about everything.
Me: It hurts my feelings that you think that I actively try to do that. I wish you didn't feel that way. I actually find it offensive that you think that. All i did was send you an emoji to make a joke.
Mom: Why do you always get defensive when i tell you something you did hurt my feelings? You never acknowledge when you've hurt my feelings. Its like you don't even care.
Me: I do care. Im just telling you that what you said also hurt my feelings. I'm also offended that you feel like you have to tip toe around me like I'm some sort of time bomb just because we have different opinions.
Mom: You still arent acknowledging my feelings.
Me: You arent acknowledging mine either! I mean, you're not always the victim in every scenario.
Mom: OMG now you're attacking me! YOU HURT MY FEELINGS AND DON'T CARE! You are treating my like gutter trash instead of owning up to what you did.
Me: I'm not gonna talk to you if you are gonna just keep accusing me of being some kind of horrible person that treats you like trash.
So thats basically the gist of it. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
qUlww2aMOtLbK3RYNurA3IgRoFFcSQHy
|
awkl5t
| null |
AITA for the events that ended a friendship?
|
I have a friend, we’ll call him Chen. He’s from China and is boarding at the HS I go to. We’ve been friends since we met freshman year, so going on three years or so. He has a tendency to be super passive aggressive and a little blunt, and I’m stubborn.
A couple key things to keep in mind as it’s ab to go down:
-the Xbox group is not a place for thin skin, we all make fun of each other’s (fill in the blank) but everyone has a good time, we’re all laughing and joking
-because of this, one of the big things we joke ab with Chen is China/communism
Ok so Chen had brought up in class that he didn’t support freedom of speech and he said things like people shouldn’t own guns and stuff. So I said I’m gonna turn you into a capitalist, no more communism. After that I started making a lot of jokes about communism and I’ll admit, some of them were kinda rough (not as bad as some things said by Xbox friends tho). Anyway this goes on for about a week and I say stuff every time i see Chen like, “hey I like OUR jacket” and “this food sure is good, I’m glad there’s plenty to go around”. Chen has said a few times, “bro it’s not funny” or “ughhh no more” but I mistook it as the normal response to something like a mom joke where the recipient says “bro shut up I’ll kill you” and then laughs about it.
Fast forward and Chen has suddenly ceased all communication. I’m thinking I went to far with it so I invited him to the party to apologize. He joins and I say “hey man sorry about the jokes, didn’t know you took it so seriously, next time just come up to me one on one and ask me to stop” to which he started yelling saying he had said over and over that he told me to stop and then he was like I won’t forgive you and all that. So I told him to grow a pair and get some thicker skin (I was pretty irritated).
My friend later said “hey go offline and stay in the party, we’ll invite Chen and ask him some questions”. So Chen joins and asks where I went, to which they reply that they don’t know. He then proceeds to start saying things like “I’ve hated him for 2 years, he’s such a jackass. No one likes him that’s probably why his dance date was “at the hospital”. I would forgive him to his face but not in my heart. He hangs out with *one of my good friends* too much, etc.”
At the end of the rant I switched on my mic and said what’s up man, and he quickly left and texted wtf to my friend.
So I decided if he didn’t want to be friends we didn’t have to be friends and I wouldn’t lose sleep over it. The next day at school he handed his friend something typed on his phone and told her to hand it to me, but I said I was busy and gave it back to her. If he’s gonna make it up, he should do it in person like a man. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
nU8lDltms6cDj0rHao0RbRjCM5P0SodA
|
as8pov
|
{
"description": "thinking my boyfriend is a bit of a neckbeard",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for thinking my boyfriend is a bit of a neckbeard?
|
(gonna preface this by saying we’re both 17)
We’ve been dating for a couple months now and it’s been pretty okay and I really like this guy. There’s just a couple things that are...off. He never leaves his house other than to go to school, run basic errands and hang out with me. He spends HOURS on his computer. Ik this is typical teenage behavior but it’s getting to a point where i don’t know whether or not i should be concerned.
He has an attachment to the people he meets online. Not just internet friends but grown adults who are in their 30s-40s. He calls them his “internet moms” and goes on about how he wants to get a job and move to those (alleged) women’s state to support them. Other than that he doesn’t really associate with people irl, rather decides to interact with strangers online. I recently found out he used to be in those weird furry RP discord chat rooms and did all this weird stuff there.
He has a bit of a superiority complex over everyone irl because he was homeschooled with a “higher level curriculum”. This is his first time in high school and he’s sort of douchey towards others. Idk if I should say something or just leave it. Is it an asshole move to think something like this towards my SO??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 8,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
QeG1CEiYeSJUXbTmK8fxrKcUhGd4FAtq
|
aahlc2
|
{
"description": "canceling my friend's plane ticket",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I canceled my friend’s plane ticket?
|
I bought my friend a plane ticket on miles a while back because we were taking a trip together. A family discovery came up that made him want to push his trip until after I go on the 30th of this month - we discussed it and it seemed like the best plan. I felt a little used by this, but he was going to be spending time there after I left, and he didn't ask for this to happen. Annoying, but fine. (That full story is in another post on my profile if you really care to read it).
Then his grandfather died. I got radio silence for a day and then he came back and has been pretty sparse with communication. I keep calling him because if he doesn’t want to come on this trip we need to cancel the flight or move it asap. If we’re going to move it, I need dates to move his flight to because I'm not trying to pay the fees twice, and he can't afford to. He gave me a range of dates that he'd been looking at, but I asked if he’d be willing to come to a big event with me a few days after (and push the flight a few days) and then, radio silence. I fly out tomorrow and need to move this flight. WIBTA if I just canceled his ticket and took the miles back?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
QWA6ZvrhknUZvAE1glwZwD0e07x0APlg
|
aqwieo
|
{
"description": "quitting my job as a nurse",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for quitting my job as a nurse
|
Sorry for the text wall but this requires some backstory
I recently quit my job as a palliative nurse working in a local hospice due to the sheer amount of stress working there caused me
I had worked there for 4 months at this point and the job was definitely wearing on me and more often then not I would leave mentally exhausted and my patience/drive to do anything seemed to be decreasing daily
It all came to a head last week when one of my former patients (Dementia) entered into an extremely violent mood that took several hours to calm down from, during that time they became dangerous to everyone around them and inflicted a number of injuries on staff members, myself included
After everything had calmed down however I realised how angry and fed up I was with everything to the point where I genuinely wanted to hit something or someone and was even trying to find an excuse to start arguing or be aggressive, the bruises on my chest from where the patient punched me was also pissing me off something chronic which didn't help the situation
it wasn't long however before It was pointed out to me by a colleague how bad my new attitude was
After that i made sure to keep to myself and spent my lunch asking myself what the hell was wrong with me for getting so worked up when I knew going into it what this job entailed before visiting my superior and asking for their advice
Ended up having a decent heart to heart before we both agreed that this just wasn't the right job for me so I resigned
Now my issue comes up this morning, my sister, whose children I was supposed to be babysitting for tonight, rang up to double check the arrangements, we got chatting and I mentioned my new unemployment state before I gave her the roughly the same explanation as you can see above
Her response to this was to tell me that she no longer trusts me to look after her kids & that I am a horrible person who should be ashamed of how I acted before hanging up on me, since then I have had several social media alerts pop up from various others in my family and on my friends list agree with her
I know I was a bit of a twat for a while but I thought I had actually handled it pretty well and fairly maturely once I got my head on straight, until this happened and now I am seriously doubting myself
So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 25,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 25,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
N97VcWskljdsOFhjCoVNAOXfWWljsSuH
|
aocuia
|
{
"description": "telling my friend that she was used",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For telling my friend that she was used?
|
TLDR; friend was used to hide cheating, I point it out, I get called an asshole for the insinuation that her good nature was taken advantage of.
----
My ex invites out a "friend" that I didn't know about without any mention of him to me (I didn't even know they were friends tbh) to a hike with a mutual female friend of ours. I was not aware that they were going out for a hike at all.
Yes, she had gone out with other male friends before, I never said anything because she was upfront about who she was going with and when and I trusted her.
They all go out, whatever, I find out about this hike, two weeks later, gf and I break up. A week later she's dating this "friend"
First of all, that's cheating. You're hiding the fact that you invited someone else out, and purposefully excluding me from this outing. Not only are you hiding it by not telling me, you're bringing along a mutual friend of ours to cover for your fucking cheating in that "they were just friends"
This friend of ours is adamant that my ex didn't cheat as "emotional cheating doesn't exist" and I feel she should stick up for me to the asshole that is my ex. Not only is she more or less saying that I'm wrong (because not cheating) but I'm an asshole for pointing out that she was taken advantage of by being a cover to hide it.
Hard for me to see any other way as no word of this friend was ever spoken to me, and I wasn't even aware that they were going on a hike.
----
AITA? I feel bad that she was put in the middle of this shitstorm and I'm even more pissed that my ex straight up used her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
hTT1IkyZ5upwT0fEWv4VY6kpWOTHaF2v
|
axwklp
|
{
"description": "asking my mom to pay for a missing item in a parcel she signed for",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my mom to pay for a missing item in a parcel she signed for?
|
I was waiting for a parcel to arrive but had to be at work early today. So I asked my mom to sign for it when it comes (I live at home), which we do often for each other, so there’s usually no problem.
But she just texted me that she signed for it and only then saw that it was torn open, after the mailman had left. I asked her to send me a picture and one side of box is literally wide open (not sure how she missed that). She sent a photo of the contents and lo and behold something is actually missing. It’s a shaker bottle for supplements that were in the box. I’m pretty annoyed now and she offered to give me her old shaker which is similar, but not the same and much smaller. I declined.
The shaker was 10€. Shipping would be 4€ but there’s actually a coupon for free shipping for the next order in the parcel. WIBTA if I ask her to order me a new one or give me the 10€?
I actually already emailed the shop, but I think it’s unlikely they’re just gonna send me a free replacement when the parcel was signed for. I’m waiting on their answer.
TL;DR see title
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
ZnvmWCZlq5leeup3iHNeTDtTgCM4bPi6
|
b1i2m8
|
{
"description": "telling my wife to stop talking while watching stuff",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For telling my wife to stop talking while watching stuff?
|
My wife has a horrible habit of talking during shows. Most of the time she comes in halfway through whatever it is and immediately starts asking to be debriefed on the entire half she missed, then asks follow-up questions about details you have to piece together through watching. Other times we'll watch things together, and every 30 seconds she'll go into what I like to call review mode, where she explains at length her opinions on what happened in those past 30 seconds and talks over the program which makes it absolutely impossible for me to follow.
I've brought this up gently multiple times including offering to pause and catch her up on things or discuss it during commercials, telling her I'd love to talk about it more in depth after the program ends and she says sure but immediately starts talking again. Over the course of our marriage it's started to wear on my nerves to the point where when I sleep I dream of mini versions of her circling my head saying "so what's happening now?" over and over. I find myself getting a bit shorter with her and saying "shh" or "let's listen to the show" more often.
The other day we were watching Interstellar. It's a movie where the experience is really important. We came to an important part in the film, the mood was great and I was totally immersed and at outdoor volume she started talking over the movie about what was going on and how she'd feel if she were the characters. Went on uninterrupted for a good minute which completely ruined an important scene.
I was so frustrated I just paused the movie. She asked what I was doing and I told her I don't find it enjoyable to watch things together anymore. She got upset and asked why and I told her that I've been asking her for years to stop talking during programs yet she keeps doing it, and it ruins the experience for me. She said that talking was how she enjoyed the movies, and that she liked being able to talk to me during the shows to spend time together and that asking questions was part of the experience for her. I countered that it felt like she didn't care about my experience at all, and that there were other ways to talk about the programs that didn't interrupt them and even quick comments would be better.
She's been really down since last night and I caught her watching one of our shows alone and crying. I sat with her and she said she just felt really bad that she ruined my experience. We're looking at compromises now but I feel like a fucking asshole. I never meant to upset her or make her feel guilty, I just wanted her to see my frustration. If I was an asshole here I want to know so I can re-evaluate how I express myself going forward.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
G9NLdU5Xuyn4h408Pu8mFgb7NGsET4iB
|
alianl
|
{
"description": "ghosting most of my 'friends' because they didn't offer support when my Dad died",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for ghosting most of my ‘friends’ because they didn’t offer support when my Dad died.
|
Okay so, I have/had a large group of friends (12 people) that were all super close throughout high school and after. My Dad died in January 2017 from cancer and it left me pretty mentally screwed up last year and I’m still recovering. He was a shitty father and we were not close at all but still, he was my Dad. I got the call to say goodbye while I was out with friends celebrating a birthday and he died before I could get home to call him (he was in a different country). While all of my friends knew he died, 3 of them offered their condolences and support after the fact and it hasn’t been bought up since.
Here’s the bit where I feel like the asshole: I live in a different country for school so the only contact I have with my friends is online. I don’t keen in contact with anyone anymore. Reason being, my good friends Mum also died of cancer about 4 months later and almost everyone was there to support her. Since this I’ve pretty much ghosted everyone apart from those 3 people who actually took time to make sure I was okay.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
K1TRm8sXrXRcLrpXx7oFa6R8FSIcFp16
|
avac6r
|
{
"description": "farting on my boyfriend during sexy time",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for farting on my boyfriend during sexy time?
|
My boyfriend had just gotten off from a long day of work and I offered a shower together. We’re a very playful couple and very comfortable around each other so passing gas around the other has never been a problem and more recently has been the butt of many jokes we play on each other (saying we have something important to tell them and then letting one rip, etc). So we get into the shower and sexy time is expected by both of us but hasn’t commenced yet. We’re playing around and he’s slashing water in my face. This is where I may or may not have messed up. I told him if he didn’t stop I was going to let out my sphincter siren on him. He did not stop. So I did it. I cut the cheese. It wasn’t anything crazy, just a small toot. But his mood completely changed, he couldn’t believe I did it. Then he says that there’s no way we can have sexy time now and proceeds to get out of the shower.
So, AITA for playing the butt tuba on my bf during sexy time?
TL;DR - Bf and I were having sexy time in the shower and I farted, making him rather distraught.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
imqeBAo7hjuU9tfKCFTaDoG5rnEld9aB
|
ajxfsq
|
{
"description": "silently getting up and walking away when my grandma sat next to me",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For silently getting up and walking away when my grandma sat next to me.
|
Im gonna use a throwaway for this.
I am a 6'3, 260 pound male. I am also a rape victim. Nobody knows. This is even more distressing because it was my cousin who raped me when I was young, i was 8 and he was 14. He was bigger then me then, now hes a 5'9 and scrawny. Nobody would believe that he raped me but he did and we both know it.
He still goes to family functions and i see him way more than i should. This is not the point of the post though.
Because of my rape I cannot allow people to get close to me or touch me. It is very difficult to have relationships because of this.
Whenever im on a couch or at a packed table and someone sits near me, i get quiet and angry and walk away. This is very noticeable and off putting to people. However, if I am blocked in and dont feel i can leave i react aggressively.
At new years, my grandmother came and sat next to me on the couch and placed her hand on my thigh. I was even more on edge because my rapist cousin was there.
I removed her hand and got up, but as I did she asked me where I was going. I was stopped by my uncle who said im being disrespectful to my grandma. His son is the one who raped me. I told him to leave me be and its my business.
We start an argument and i decided to speed off in my truck and ignore all calls and messages. Its basically been decided by my family that im a disrespectful punk asshole who ruined new years. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
vnL6RpNeN709zbq07N7Uy9EbXbno5cpV
|
amv8ew
|
{
"description": "not wanting to attend family dinners",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to attend family dinners?
|
It’s my Grandpas birthday today, and my Grandma’s hosting a dinner for my family to attend. We’re a small family, one of each except for a sister (Grandma (moms side), Grandpa (moms side), Father, Brother, Me). Let me give you some background really quick: I think it’s safe to say that every single dinner I’ve ever attended (around 100) has consisted of fighting or concluded in some kind of fight. I don’t want to go because I don’t want to be around it. I’m currently a pre-med student taking an extremely heavy course-load while working so excelling is a priority. Lately, my anxiety and depression have gotten worse but I’m trying to stay level headed so I can do well in my classes. Going to these dinners ruins my week every time I go. They activate these really deep depression episodes that last about a week. They completely disrupt the flow of my studies and me trying to achieve a mental health status worthy of being deemed “healthy”. My family puts a pressure on me of “keeping the family together” and tells me I’m an asshole if I don’t go but my brother is absent all the time while also leaving me to take care of my father since my mom moved out a couple years ago. My father suffers from Parkinson’s (tremor), Glaucoma, Chronic Pain, and Dementia. He’s an old guy (71), he had me when he was 50 (I’m 21), and I’m okay with that. My mom on the other hand, can’t stand the man or the disabilities we all cope with. As a result, it’s constant fighting, yelling, & hurrduur shit. I can’t be around it anymore, I feel like I’m going crazy, as if I stuck in a hole that just gets deeper and deeper. Obviously I love my father, and will take care of him until the day he’s no longer with us. I just thought I’d be taking care of my pops at 30-40, not 21.
Reddit please tell me if I’m the fucking asshole.
TLDR: Family dinners are a constant shit-show and send me into depressive episodes every time I attend one. I can’t keep being around it for the sake of my mental health.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
zIuA0sa9z4Ve86YaCQFus5sPAJBXbBVZ
|
apk6ll
|
{
"description": "telling my boss to fuck off",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for telling my boss to fuck off
|
On Monday evenings, I play casual indoor football with a group of people that work on the same technology site as me. My boss and I have been going since before I started working for him and everyone generally gets on very well.
I have a tendency to get frustrated at football as sometimes I don't play as well as I would like, nothing drastic, I might punch my leg or curse but nothing loud or at anyone.
Today I was having a poor day and while I wasn't playing great I was trying my best, but I had missed a couple of shots and was obviously a tad annoyed.
While I was other players had the ball my boss came up behind me and said 'come on!', in what I deemed to be an unnecessary comment. Looking back it was not a provocative tone, but not kind either.
Either way, I let out a 'fuck off' under my breath at him. Loud enough that he could hear it, but not loud enough for anyone else to hear.
He naturally did not take it great and returned the favour, replying 'no you fuck off', and at the end of the game he expressed that he did not appreciate me telling him to fuck off when he was 'just trying to help'.
So guys, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 13
}
|
WRONG
|
4GcXuhOWJS3zMLdVSqLSHoOhkU5W1Mq5
|
b5tgo2
|
{
"description": "demanding I get a refund and possibly causing trouble for the cashier",
"pronormative_score": 39,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for demanding I get a refund and possibly causing trouble for the cashier?
|
So the other day I went to a Korean BBQ place that is super popular where I live. There a little expensive but honestly really good. There always busy so the crew is in a rush to push people through as fast as possible. Well, when I went I ordered my usual. When I got to the cashier I asked for medium drink with it. I payed and was handed my food. I asked for my drink and he told me that I didn't order one even though it did. He misheard me and added something else to my order that I did not want. When I corrected him he did not apologize and only told me that they gave me what I had payed for and if I wanted a drink I would have to pay for it. I told him that I didn't want what was added and did not ask for it but he did not budge.
​
I was a little mad but I payed for a drink and left. The place uses square so I left negative feedback on both purchases and said I was charged for something I didn't want and was not offered and compensation. Well, today the owner reached out to me. He refunded my drink and the added thing to my order and apologized. He said he talked to the cashier and that "the problem had been dealt with".
​
I do kind of feel bad that I raised a fuss over only like 5 dollars but still, I did not order what was given to me and feel like this is fair in a way. But I still feel like an ass. Was I wrong to do this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 37,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 39,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
k39ciL23YZhYiM9fBdg4Bweusf4cvOP5
|
b25zcp
|
{
"description": "not discerning the difference between most k-pop artist",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA because I can't discern the difference between most K-pop artist?
|
A month ago, I was sitting down with my gf, and her best friend. My girlfriend and her friend were watching some Korean Drama, which was unexpectedly very amusing. My gf and her friend were reminiscing about old K-pop groups, and I just kinda noped out of the conversation, since I had no background knowledge about this subject. They eventually go on youtube and look up so old and new K-pop bands. While I was cleaning up after dinner. at a certain point friend ask me which K-pop group I like the best of all of them, I wasn't paying attention, so I slip out "I don't really know, I really can't tell the difference between them, which is odd for me, because some of the K-pop group look way too much like clones of each other." I might have royal fucked up there, because my gf's best friend is Chinese. She did not take it well, and told me that I was being racist. I understood her point of view, if you took my sentence without context. I apologized for my sentence, and told her that there were no racial innuendos within my sentence. but in all honesty, I've been telling my gf for years that a lot of K-pop artist confuse me, because most often the only way I can discern them is by name, or hair. But I'm really bad at remembering the band names, and music style. There is something about their facial structure, that makes me almost believe that K-pop artist either had the same surgeon, or there might actually be something very wrong with my eyes. I felt bad for my behavior so I reached out to her, to amend for the damage that I did. We've talked about it, I apologized for my not so thoughtful behavior, and she forgave me, but it's been a few weeks now, and she acts very awkward around me, and tries to avoid my presence as much as possible. I asked her once if everything was alright, and if there something we needed to discuss, she replied with "no everything is fine." But things don't seem that fine to me.
AITA for making a slip up like this? and if so should I just give her space for now, or should I have another talk with her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
tWIufk8BkRFosX75PMPfGTukMaigQaRj
|
a0tfyv
|
{
"description": "wanting reimbursement for being a good friend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting reimbursement for being a good friend
|
This has been something I constantly ask myself and I’m sure other people have felt the same so hopefully this can be relatable to some people.
I’ll start with how I know I’m a generous person because I love my friends and family and am always looking for ways to help the people in my life. I constantly want to give to everyone so they can be happy and also I just love gift giving. I don’t really have to buy friendships, so it doesn’t feel like that. It’s more of like when I want to buy drinks for a friend or give a person I care about a small gift or just simple little things. Sometimes though, I tend to draw myself back because I feel like people notice this and want to take advantage of it.
One time in particular, a friend had came in from out of town and gotten his car towed. He expressed how he’d be in so much debt and wouldn’t be able to get it out so I offered to help find other solutions. The easiest and quickest solution was to bail his car out then and there, so I told him not to worry about it right away and just pay me back when he can. It’s been almost 8 months and I don’t think I’m gonna see that $300 ever again.
Another is more recently and slightly different, I’ve let a friend stay at my house for about a half week since they’ve been in a difficult situation. They also don’t have a car so I had to drive them to work for a few days as well. I didn’t mind this and they said they’d pay me back in any way they can (buying me drinks or giving me cigs) which was totally okay with me. But when I asked for those things (for instance, just asking if they could buy me a drink when I see them out) they acted like I would owe THEM for it now.
So in conclusion, should I feel bad for asking for my money back? Should I feel like a dick because, even though I give a lot, people never want to return it?
I know the simple answer here is stop being nice to people that don’t deserve it. But sometimes it’s more difficult than that. I just want to not feel like I owe people things after all that I’ve given them.
I hope some people can relate to this in some way, and thanks in advance to anyone reading
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
KI5zAJlU39XfwObbEIevuPltWBsieaI9
|
b7m3c0
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pay for my sisters's educations and expenses",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pay for my sisters's educations and expenses?
|
I were born and raised in Europe as my mother migrated here a couple of months before I were born. She were raised in Africa and African culture is still a huge part of her morals and way of life. Where she lived the children were expected to take care of their parents both financially and physically when they got a job, so my mother wants me to do the same for her.
However not so long ago she told me that she's planning on moving back to Africa with my two younger sisters when I become financially independent. she also told me that I will have to pay for their expenses as well as my sisters's educations on a private international school in the country she is moving back to.
I understand that taking care of your parents is a huge part of the culture where she comes from, but there is a difference between letting your mother live with you when she gets old and paying for both of your sisters's private school education and paying for your family's food and expenses.
So my question is: am I the asshole for not wanting to pay for my family's expenses when they willingly move back to Africa?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
4scM8BHs3pdZlZ0ytbhLMJ2dsaA9dZRt
|
9zdpty
|
{
"description": "not going out with a girl",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not going out with a girl?
|
I feel really bad for not going out with a girl who asked me out. She obviously likes me but I don’t her. So I said no. She was visibly upset about it and now I feel like an asshole. Am I an asshole for not going out with her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
nhtIadSbvki3dFZhuvh555mqleak1ier
|
b49bcr
|
{
"description": "getting involved in my friend's problems",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting involved in my friend’s problems?
|
Throwaway because it feels necessary.
I (M16) have two friends— lets call them A and B. I love them both to death, but almost every time I hang out with them, they argue and one of them, usually B, ends up storming off and not speaking to me or the other friend.
B acts the same way I did last year (angry all the time, lashes out, isolates himself) and refuses to get help because every source he’s gone to hasn’t helped him at all.
Fast forward to today. A and B had another major argument and B was taking it out pretty hard on A. Both of them were in the wrong, but B said some really mean stuff, so I took A’s side. B ended up storming off.
I met up with B and told him he needed to get his act together and apologize to A. He texted me in class (last period of the day) telling me he tried to talk to A, but she didn’t want to speak, because she was doing work.
I went to their class and asked them to come to the hall. I tried to get them to talk it out and resolve the issue. B believes that their issues get solved within the day, but they don’t, as admitted by A. Usually it ends with A giving in and not bothering to defend herself.
B told me he doesn’t need a mediator and he can solve his issues on his own. This is evidently not true, considering this has been going on since I’ve known him and it’s evident A and B are both hurt by this. B then told me that I act like I’m better than everyone else and that I believe I have a moral high ground. I don’t believe I’m better than anyone (far from it) but I understood where he was coming from, which I said to him.
The conversation was a bunch of arguing ending with B and I both in tears. I was frustrated and upset and I ended up texting him “fuck you” and then blocking his number. I regret it deeply.
Currently, I’m on the bus on my way home and I feel torn. I sent B a message telling him I’m sorry for how I reacted. Internally I feel conflicted because I just want my friends to stop fighting, but I feel horrible because my attempts to help only caused more conflict, according to B (and I agree).
(TL;DR two of my friends fight a lot, I interfered, ended up causing more trouble, everythings gone to shit.)
AITA? Should I just stay out of all their problems and not interfere?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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o0VKSiLAY7yS2Y4nZGbyJQfia1ASHaRg
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b51l49
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{
"description": "deciding to ditch my familie's party to go to the gym",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA If i decide to ditch my familie's party to go to the gym?
|
I wanted to go to the gym during the party because I actually think I'm the least social person in my family . I am also 17 years old and no one close to my age is coming , and even if there was I still wouldn't wanna stay to socialize. I'm with 2 nieces, 1 nephew, 2 much older brothers and their wives, sister , aunt , and grandma. I don't fit in neither of these groups and I'm just in the living room with the kids, while I browse Reddit . They seem to be enjoying themselves in the dining room , and the kids are fine , so I think I should be fine to go to the gym, but when I proposed this idea with one of my Bros and mom, they both said it was disrespectful . AITA? Oh and the family party was to celebrate both my Bros', and sister's birthday . I also see most of the ppl here on almost a weekly basis .
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
TRaC0F2s0aMaZqYmxz7WwHya4nI7yXCT
|
au0mvt
|
{
"description": "not wanting roommateto have his girlfriend/friends stay over frequently",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA (26F) for not wanting roommate (29M)to have his girlfriend/friends stay over frequently?
|
To begin, he doesn't actually ask my permission to have guests over or even warn me or the other tenant. I signed the lease with him and my best friend of 6 years (31M) 1/1/2019. Since then we have lived 5 full weeks with his girlfriend and his male friend who do not pay rent (aren't on the lease) or help around the house. Me and the other tenant want to talk to him but don't know how to approach it since his guests are still around.
​
A little context, we are not perfect roommates either. He has complained to me about dishes not being done. Totally understandable! No problem! and we have immediately cleaned them if he is cooking and often times its just a dish or two my friend or I have overlooked but still should not be an on going thing. During this cleaning session he passive aggressively told us that if he complains to management about us 3 times we will be kicked out even though we pay $2,600 a month and he pays $1,200. My fear is bringing up this issue to him and having our living space become uncomfortable. So far we have not used the kitchen in 6 weeks out of fear of his complaints.
​
Along with this he throws parties. Loud weekday parties. I work at 7 am and have to wake up at 5 am every day on the weekdays. I get the sense that he is lonely. I want him to feel free to do as he pleases but I am quiet and have to go to bed at 7-8 pm (i have a hard time sleeping a full 8 hours). I told him this before signing the lease with him and he told us this wasn't an issue because he worked "nights". This turned out to be untrue. Since then he has taken vacation from work for some reason, gotten hair plugs and stays home all day complaining to us about how loud we shut our doors because his ears are sensitive to sound due to the hair plug procedure.
​
I do NOT want to get a lawyer or do something crazy or hostile until I can figure out how to approach this. I just want to have a discussion about it with him. In fact, if I haven't already expressed it the other tenant isn't okay with it either and has had multiple discussions with me about his girlfriend blocking the driveway, basically living with us with out paying any rent and finding random strangers just walking about. I'd like to note that he makes close to 100k which is much more than what I or my friend/other tenant make separately. We pay rent each month on time and have no issue paying but the reason I mention this is because we know he doesn't need financial support from his friends/gf to split his portion of the rent. He just likes having guests over. My theory is its a cultural thing, he is Indian and moved to America about 8 years ago. idk?
What should I do? AITA
Should I be okay with this?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
GwVaZbxJbULdCS8EsiUx4YJXtWpnKW3y
|
a1dcfo
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{
"description": "refusing to make someone free art (after I said I would) and then blocking them on social media",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for refusing to make someone free art (after I said I would) and then blocking them on social media?
|
I want to be an artist/animator (I’ve been drawing for about 2 years now, so I’m still an amateur) and to get better, I usually post on social media for feedback. One of my favorite sites to use is Amino, since there are a lot of artists who are around my age (I’m high school/college age) and who are around my skill set, so I feel more comfortable there.
While browsing posts on there, I saw a post/comment saying something about them being down, so I replied asking if they wanted to talk. They immediately PMed me, and I consoled them the best I could. After we talked a bit and got to know each other (they mentioned that they had depression and anxiety), they asked me if I could draw them a new profile pic.
This should have been the first red flag, but since it was a small drawing and they asked so nicely and I wanted to cheer them up, I agreed, and finished it in a few hours. I sent it the next day, and they seemed really happy with it. However, directly afterwards they asked for two more art pieces. These were much larger scale drawings, and they wanted them to be in a style I wasn’t very comfortable drawing in. Additionally, they wanted the drawings done by the following week so that they could impress their friends.
I agreed, even though I wasn’t sure if I would be able to do these in time, because I didn’t want to upset them.
For the next few days, they would constantly pester me about the drawing. Due to schoolwork and other life-related stuff, I couldn’t get a lot done, and soon it became clear that I wouldn’t finish it in time. In hindsight, I should have told them sooner that I couldn’t finish it, but I felt horrible and kept putting it off, telling myself I’ll get it done somehow.
Eventually, it was two days before they wanted it, and I STILL haven’t started it. I had had an extremely stressful day, and when they once again started to ask me about it, I snapped and said I wouldn’t be able to finish it, and that I was sorry but that they should probably find someone else. They seemed really upset, and started freaking out. They talk about how depressed they were and how they just wanted something to impress their friends and was that too much to ask? I told them that I wasn’t a therapist and that maybe they should talk to someone, since there was only so much I could do and that I couldn’t help them from where they were. They were sounding increasingly aggressive and said that they had started crying, and by that point I was becoming extremely distressed and (I’ll admit that this was an asshole more) I left the conversation and blocked them.
About a day later (it may have been a few hours, but I don’t remember exactly how long) I regretted what I did and tried to unblock them and apologize, but I couldn’t find them again and I think maybe they blocked me back, but I don’t know for sure.
I definitely feel like one, but really AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
Bt2ENQbPd6JKEmM98nwZA3PUwHIaKXfb
|
aokahd
|
{
"description": "telling someone I know I don't like them",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling someone I know I don't like them?
|
I used to be good friends with this girl I know. I used to talk and hang out with her all the time, but the more I got to know her the less I liked her. One day she asked me if I didn't like her because I didn't talk to her for one day. I didn't want to lead her on and lie so I said yes. The day after this she started telling all my friends that I hate her and am bullying her. So I decided to confront her about it in the hall and she started freaking out at me saying that I do hate her and that I'm a terrible person. Then in study hall she started crying and her friends, and some of my own, are all saying I'm a bad person.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
aSnNfY368577WCTTLO7Boc2bDVhI7G3q
|
a0rz5w
|
{
"description": "having sex with my best friends' crush",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for having sex with my best friends’ crush?
|
I’ve been friends with this individual since middle school and have now since been in college for a couple years, we’ll call my friend, S.
For most of high school and out I was in a relationship with a girl while S would date around and try things with different girls. We had an event happen with another friend in high school, we’ll call that friend H.
H was doing the long investment work with a girl, a girl that mostly “friend-zoned” H. H was absolutely all over this girl, and determined to win her over! It was well known to all of our friends. Well sometime after that H had plans with this girl and she totally bailed on him, to find out that she made plans with S. Few days after that we find out the two are now an item. In a sense S knowingly started romantic interests even though they knew H was interested.
Well S did this not once, but TWICE to our friend H. 2 different girls, where H believed he had a shot and S swooped in and “Mister Steal Yo Girl’ed” him. The first time H accepted his apology and they made up after a snarky text, the second time H was mad at him for about 2 weeks and they got over it.
Fast forward, outside of high school in college. S and I work for the same company but different locations. S is having a bday celebration at Buffalo Wild Wings. S’s long term work crush is going to be there, a girl who has placed S in the oh-so fabled “friend-zone”. You might see where this goes...
His crush and I hit it off, meetup a couple days later. We hookup, have a great time, and promise each other we won’t tell S. Well, I happened to have told that information to a mutual friend, which in hindsight I regret. That mutual friend of ours informs S. S completely cuts the girl out of his life saying “I’m only going to be professional at work and that’s it to her” after being friends for months. To me the last thing he said was “Fuck off you’re the last person I want to talk to” my response being “I’m ready to talk whenever you are.”
So am I the asshole for what I did? Do I owe my friend an apology or need to make it up to him?
TL;DR
Friend steals another friends crush 2x. Without the victim doing much in retaliation. I do it to that person and they completely cut me out of their life.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
rC0pUlVUYJrEMZHQlPYvJ6c8W6O29o7r
|
b89soi
|
{
"description": "accidentally hurting my friend and scaring her cat during a prank",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 24
}
|
AITA for accidentally hurting my friend and scaring her cat during a prank?
|
The question here isn’t really whether I’m an asshole or not, but whether I’m “the worst fucking person in the world” as my friend put it.
So, one of my friends (Friend A) recently got involved in DoTerra. My other friend and roommate, B, and I make fun of people who get involved in MLMs. For me, I think that’s it’s just funny but B thinks MLMs are the scum of the Earth. She especially HATES the essential oils that A sells, and will always be really over dramatic about how much the oils irritate her lungs.
So for April Fools, I bought a bunch of peppermint oil from A and sprayed them in B’s room. I knew essential oils could be harmful to cats, so I took her cat out of her room. I waited, and after B came back from work she IMMEDIATELY smelled the oils from the door. It got stronger as she got closer to her room, but to my surprise, she started having a legit asthma attack. The worst part is her inhaler is in her room, so I had to run in and get it for her.
Now, B can’t stay in her room and her cat won’t even go near it. The cat’s litter-box and food were in the room as well, which makes it even worse.
To top it all off, A hates me and B now because she realized that we think her “business” is a joke, and can’t believe I only bought it for a prank. She found out through snapchat, and blocked us both.
I promised B I’d de-oil her room and wash her sheets, open windows, replace everything for her cat, etc. But B is SOOOO mad she said she is going to sublet her room and find someone else to live with. Reddit, I couldn’t have possibly predicted this reaction. I just thought we’d have some good laughs; I didn’t even know B had asthma. AITA here? I know my prank ended up being bad, but I didn’t have bad intentions. And I sorta feel bad for mocking A’s oils, but not really.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
wwPaufR53RKlGqbwu5PJpPHlN20yRU9X
|
b67daz
|
{
"description": "not going to my mom's funeral",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not going to my mom's funeral?
|
I'm Canadian and my mom was born in Newfoundland. However, she had lived in Ontario most of her life, where I live now. When my brothers and I met with my mom's husband to discuss her will he let us know that my mom wanted to be buried on her home soil near her own parents. My stepdad told us that he would cover the cost of all our flights and accommodations so that we could attend the funeral. At that point I was already feeling like a funeral outside the province (a 3-4 hour flight) was kind of a lot to ask considering I have two small children now. But, since he's paying for it - fine, I guess.
This past weekend, my one brother begins to discuss flight costs and accommodations. He mentions it would be cheaper for me if I only come with the baby and leave my older child and husband behind. I'm confused because I was under the impression my stepdad would be paying for this but I tell him I'll get back to him about it. I needed a few hours to let that idea settle, talk to my other brother and my husband about it. My other brother then emails stepdad to clarify about flight costs because he remembers the same as I do - he said he would cover it. My husband is not okay with me taking the baby by myself somewhere far away from him (my older child is from another relationship). I agree, because I wouldn't feel comfortable if it were the other way around and after all, we are a unit.
My stepdad responds to my brother's email that he will not in fact be paying for flights OR funeral because of the drama that was stirred up by my mom's family regarding the grave plot. He then says that the will says that the "estate is responsible for funeral costs". This is not at all what is stated in the will. It very clearly says that the executor (stepdad) of the estate shall be responsible for all funeral costs etc.
He drops this bomb only weeks after I have already spent my share of the estate on purchasing a car. (An 07 Camry - the inheritance wasn't much). This was no secret to my brothers or my stepfather as they both helped me arrange the whole process of purchasing a vehicle.
So now I have no inheritance left, which I now found out should be used to pay for my own shit and help cover funeral costs? And he throws the "If any of you have a problem with this you can take it up with my lawyer." Shit at us.
So now my brothers and I were trying to figure out how to afford an out of province funeral, which, by the way isn't in her will. And was also, her dying wish with the intention of moving back to her hometown to retire after her husband died. (Things, obviously didn't happen in that order).
I've tried to explain that it is too much for me to afford, I'm not coming alone with the baby and that I've been blindsided and it's not right. As well, there will be a funeral here, near home. I will go to that one. But of course, my one brother is making me feel like an asshole for even considering not going.
But, am I really the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a3pi8f
| null |
AITA: 2 Part Question: Wife separate banking account/ her brother
|
Part 1: Am I the asshole if I want to know what my wife is spending her money on using her own account?
We have been together for 10 years. Last year my wife decided to open up her own banking account which, I was fine with. The majority of the household expenses come out of my account, which I was fine with until recently. She has started using my account for her "fun" spending. The half of her account typically goes to rent each month, and I'm pretty certain she sends her parents money and spends the rest. She got extremely upset with me when I asked why she spend a good chunk of money over the weekend on stupid shit.
​
Part 2: Am I the asshole if I don't want my BIL to move in with us?
My wife and her brother have an extremely odd relationship. He is 30, she is 33. They will talk fine to each other for two or three days then get into a huge argument where he threatens to beat her ass and calls her a bitch among other things. They stop talking for a few months, then repeat the cycle. The arguments usually are triggered because my wife decides to give him unsolicited advice about his life. He recently rekindled his relationship with her and has asked to move in. He has lived with us in the past for almost year and it was an insane time due to the constant bickering and me complaining about his cleanliness. He even threatened to destroy my TV. My wife showed me a message he sent her a few months ago in which he called me a 'retard'. My wife recently asked me if it would be ok for him to move in because he is bored in the city he currently stays. I said absolutely not and she started crying wondering why I can't forgive him.
​
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
XOT3EPTkcFxqINbmoFgxJdWS6kgVWbDc
|
b1z6r2
|
{
"description": "kicking my adult \"stepdaughter\" out of my house",
"pronormative_score": 36,
"contranormative_score": 103
}
|
WIBTA if I kick my adult ”stepdaughter” out of my house?
|
New here so if I haven’t understood one of the rules please let me know!
I have a tricky situation I’m going through as of late. I’m in a long term relationship. We aren’t technically married, but we live as we are. After a messy divorce she was never interested in being married again. We’ve been dating for 8 years now. I told her that the engagement is the best part so I proposed with both of us understanding that we would never actually get married. She has an adult daughter who lives with us. She’s 19.
My “stepdaughter” and I have never had a good relationship despite my best efforts. I really gave it everything I could to improve it over the years, but at best she was indifferent to me. I gave up trying after buying her a car for her 16th birthday and she thanked her mother and didn’t acknowledge me at all even after her mother told her that I alone bought it for her.
After that I’ve been just waiting her out for the most part. I’m still kind when I’m around her, but if this is the relationship with me she wants then so be it. I always assumed that when she turned 18 she would go off to school somewhere. I was unfortunately wrong. She instead started working at a salon in town. She had taken cosmetology in BOCES in high school.
I thought once she had been working for a bit and had saved enough she would then move out. Wrong again. I’ve asked her mother to see what her plans are for the future and if she plans on moving out on her own soon and my wife told me that she just wants to save as much as she can and keep living here. My fiancé loves having her here, but I’ve been waiting so long to have the house be just my fiancé and I.
I really feel like I’ve put my time in supporting her daughter and now especially with her having more than enough to move out on her own it’s time to push her out of the nest. I’m not too concerned with her reaction. To be blunt I don’t really care how she takes it. My fiancé will probably be a little upset, but hopefully once the dust clears she will see that it’s for the best.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
w78rILNCK4LgutmpRSsl5ntQExIhrdK3
|
a03lhx
|
{
"description": "leaving my parents house when they disappeared all day",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for leaving my parents house when they disappeared all day?
|
My daughter and I got to my parents house yesterday for their thanksgiving, I helped my step mom cook and get everything ready. When it was finished no one ate together, my dad was outside with his neighbors drinking, my step mom went down stairs for who knows what, my sister and I ate together with my daughter and my brother kept playing video games. After that I went to my old room where me and my daughter were going to sleep. We went down there to talk to my daughters dad who is deployed and go to bed. My parents get all upset that we went to bed early. That was whatever, then the next morning, my step mom decided she is going shopping and I was supposed to go with, I said HELL NO! I am not bringing my 3 month old out the day after Black Friday. No thank you. So her and my younger sister left and have been gone all day. My dad has been asleep majority of the day and has just now woken up cracked a beer and is in the garage with the neighbors again. I told my step mom I did not drive 140 miles with an infant on my own to sit alone in there house and we are leaving. Now my parents are throwing a fit and texting and Calling, telling me I can’t just leave and take their grand baby. Me and my daughter are now at my aunts one town over ignoring their calls.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
KyPpnIf84z82nuIqRXsCV6TXCPvIk5aa
|
b6m1bx
|
{
"description": "despising most of my family",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for despising most of my family?
|
Hello all, first time poster here. I will start with some history of my family.
My Grandfather married my step grandmother (sgm) years before I was married, and with that my goal already had two children (my mom and my aunt) of which sgm basically ignored and mistreated them ( my actually grandmother abused my mom and aunt while also keeping their house looking like one of those you see on Hoarders ) and always only cared about her own sons and loved them (seemingly) more than she did my own grandfather.
When I was born, I was the only grandson of the sgm and was pretty much loved as much as my step uncles. Because of my father's poor financial skills, we usually ended up in horrible parts of town or on the streets. Sgm usually took me in and eventually took me in until I graduated from high school a year ago.
Now with that, I will mention why I despise most of my family. For sgm she basically brushed her aside but also a few years ago she became very... I guess verbally abusive. While I lived with my grandparents, she would always argue with me, call me names, and use me as a live in maid/chef ( I get that I am young and could do alot, but I also had AP classes to study for, a job, and for most of highschool a girlfriend ) when she could easily have gotten off her butt and cleaned and cooked. There was even one time I was called a monster by her because I only wanted to go out and have a birthday dinner with my grandparents and best friend but not my cousin ( simple reason I do not like my cousin is because she is extremely entitled, a liar, and always likes to be the center of attention. Even at my graduation she tried to take the attention away from my graduation ).
My grandfather I have no problem with besides that he does not stand up for his own family when it comes to arguments between sgm and say my mother or I.
As for one of my uncles ( The other I had no problem with, in fact I he was my favorite. After he passed I was given his ring and I wear it to this day ) he yelled at me because his ex wife ( who also is entitled and a liar ) yelled at me because I wouldn't share food with the entitled mom's heathens as well as let them keep some of my things. He also gossips quite a bit with sgm and spreads lies, but oh well.
Now for my aunt, surprisingly enough. When my actual grandmother died, she tried to take all of her possessions when it was suppose to be split between my mother and her. I believe she is a liar, gold digger, and many other words. Aunt and my cousin have also tried to start stuff between my fiancee and I, as well as tried starting problems with just my fiancee.
Anyway, aita?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b1y5uz
|
{
"description": "wanting to exclude my mother from my life",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to exclude my mother from my life?
|
Before I start I would like to explain that my English is not that good as it's not my first language and I'm pretty tired and nauseous rn.
So my parents are divorced, they were never a very good relationship, they had lots of fight throughout the entire time they were together mostly due to the very different ways they took on with life, my father being a very laid back kinda of guy (went though 5 College courses, never finished one) and my mother being the type of person that always finds something work related to do in the house in her very small free time (she works in a hospital), but anyways their love life ended when my father discovered that she was cheating on him with a guy (a married one with kids).
After the reveal, my father moved out of his house (it was his father's old apartment that he gave as a gift to my pa) and left with my mom until she could she find a place to live, lots of stuff happened during this time. My father locked himself in a bathroom with a blade crying while talking with my mother as she ignored him leaving me (a 12 year old boy, it was one day prior to my birthday aswell) to deal with this crap, she started checking up some places t rent, my father started seeing other people, some time later they tried again, didn't work, When my father found someone that he really clicked with my mother threatened her saying he was "her man". My father went to the apartment and they fought I can't quite point what happened as I wasn't there (and I'm glad I wasn't) but the outcome was my mother taking lots of my father's stuff from the house without his agreement, she simply took what she wanted and left, oh, and I almost forgot she broke my father's aquarium with a hammer killing all but 2 fish which are still alive (after I had to save them the following day). I lived a storm which I didn't understand at the time, I was always switching sides (As if there were sides) and probably got some unresolved issues from this shitload of shitty shit.
So years went by and nowadays my father has my guard but I have to see my mother everytime she wants to, our relationship is quite weird, I think I have lots of resentment towards her, but she says she loves me, she always tries to get me to do some random activity with her, but she's very toxic sometimes, for example our last huge fight was due to her saying my father was a bad influence on my personal growth due to him being autistic some dumb shit was said and I ended up dropping the FU bomb. I dunno it's very weird like one day she says stuff like "You are the only reason for me to still be alive" (she is depressive) and the next day she treats me like the useless dumb piece of shit that I am.
I ended up writing this because she wanted to see me today while I had the birthday of one my friends later this night and she told me to reschedule it.
I probably explained this in a bad way but I don't know what to feel towards this strange maternal figure of mine.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
JF3meYRT5P4UNVuILURteRqQPvoSRaAg
|
b8cqym
|
{
"description": "skipping my grandparent's funeral to attend an important work training",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I skipped my grandparent's funeral to attend an important work training?
|
I work in a highly technical field that is currently undergoing some massive changes which will likely put a lot of people in my field out of business if they don't stay ahead of the curve. I am in a leadership position with the technical side of my company and am one of the people who are responsible for helping shepherd the company through this transition. There's a really important multi-day training (hosted only once a year and open to a very limited subset of people in the industry) coming up soon.
I just found out (out of the blue) that my last grandparent is likely on their deathbed (in their 90's, has been in a nursing home for a number of years with dementia, but hadn't otherwise been notably ill of late). If the grandparent passes and the funeral conflicts with the training, WIBTA if I skipped the funeral? The training and the funeral would both be in completely different cities from each other (each a couple hour drive from their nearest airports), so there wouldn't be a viable option to just skip a day but attend the rest of the training.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
t14S56IL4lhUkLfD30eKZuSZ6Auby2WY
|
auerzz
|
{
"description": "getting upset because my gf repeatedly adds things to our preplanned schedule and just expects me to go with it",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting upset because my gf repeatedly adds things to our preplanned schedule and just expects me to go with it?
|
This situation happens repeatedly, even though I've told her I don't like it on multiple occasions. An example below:
So it's Sunday and we had originally planned to go across town around 1pm for both of us to run some errands that should only take an hour or so. At night we were supposed to have dinner with her parents. I drive both of us to the place I need to go and she takes the car and goes to do her own thing. On the way there, we pass by a mall and she askes if we can stop by on the way backfor her to pick up some sneakers for work. I happily agree because it's on the way.
So we finish our errands and go to the mall. Once we get there she tells me she now wants to go to another store to see if she can pick up a wallet for her uncle. I agree again, since we're already here. Well first place didn't have the wallet, so we go and get the sneakers. Now she wants 3 pairs of sneakers, 2 for herself and 1 for her mom. So we stand in a long ass line and wait 30 minutes to check out. While we were waiting, she called her parents to chat and then informed me her parents' friend would also be coming to dinner. This is someone I've only met twice and did not really know. I reluctantly said okay, whatever. So we finally leave the shoe store and she tells me her uncle said to check another store to see if they have the wallet. So we go to that store to look and they still don't have it. She calls her parents again and now she wants to go back to the shoe store to get another pair of sneakers for her dad.
At this point my patience is wearing thin. I had planned on checking the brakes on her car when we got home because it was squeaking. Was going to take it apart and clean it. Now I don't have enough time to do that before we have to go to her parents.
So I tell her she's doing it again, and how we talked about not spontaneously adding things to our schedule already. She gets upset and I ask her if it would be okay for me to skip dinner with her parents tonight because I'm not feeling like it anymore. We have dinner very frequently anyways, it's not a once in a while thing. Well now she's pissed because her parents have already started preparing dinner.
So the question is, am I wrong to get upset over something like this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
kKnDGRubvwKWHkbfwvr1CZOg941jOs8U
|
b8wwib
|
{
"description": "\"demanding\" a seperate exam room",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for "demanding" a seperate exam room?
|
I'm autistic, and 15. Which trust me, is a lovely combination that never gets in the way of life. So for the past year, I've felt it's been my job to hunt down people and ask "when am I being assessed for extra time/separate room?" "Will I be allowed these things in my final exams?" or when that received a stupidly vague answer I'd basically beg my parents to ring the doctors or whoever your supposed to ring. The doctors haven't gotten back to us yet.
I feel like it shouldn't be my responsibility and I should've automatically been put down for assessment when I got my diagnosis, over two years ago. So when I was told yesterday that I had to do my statistics mock in the exam hall, surrounded by people, nowhere near a door, I was pissed the hell off.
I told the teachers it was not acceptable and that they should have this sorted by now. Over the past two years they've been letting me do my tests in other rooms, no questions asked. I may have overacted and told one teacher that this was all of their faults and she had to take responsibility, which seemed to annoy her. I got really mad at a load of them and honestly I'm not sorry.
I understand that as a teacher, your life is busy and you don't have time for every student as much as I get that legally I had to be in there. But I feel almost like after two years, something should've been done. I did do the exam in the hall, though I could have done way better.
I do actually want to hear what you have to say, as I know I'm not always the best judge of my actions. Thanks in advance
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
INFO
|
{
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"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
KRVlmE7711mDCtxd2jZbEhVa4ndwcpEO
|
arv0aq
|
{
"description": "yelling \"fuck you!\" at a tow truck driver",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for yelling “Fuck you!” at a tow truck driver?
|
My girlfriend and I were going to a cute date at one of those places where you drink wine and paint. On the way there (she was driving) we hit bumper-to-bumper traffic in the slow lane. She drives a sedan and we were behind a big pickup truck, the kind with the super high suspensions, so we couldn’t see anything in front of us other than that monstrosity.
Suddenly, Mr. Monster Truck switches lanes without a blinker, cutting someone off in the right lane but narrowly avoiding what was now in front of us. You see, the stretch of highway was under construction, which meant that the shoulder was extremely narrow, hardly wide enough to pull over. Unfortunately, a car had apparently broken down, and was in the middle of being towed away. All fine and good, but the problem lay in the fact of the tow truck driver, now known as TD. He was morbidly obese, probably 400-450 lbs, and, I shit you not, he was taking up half the lane.
Now Mr. Monster Truck had, unlike us, the capacity to see what was coming and decided to switch lanes at the last second. But now, we couldn’t switch over and we didn’t have time to stop, so we just kept going. Upon seeing that we didn’t plan on moving over, TD fucking loses it. He starts gesturing to his flashing lights and screaming, exactly what idk, but I made out the words “move over you stupid bitch” from reading his lips.
At that point, I yell “Hey fuck you guy!”
We just kinda scooted around him, but he clearly made out what I said, or he’s just a dick, because he punched the side of my gfs car.
If I had been driving, I would’ve pulled over, so thank god I wasn’t.
Now, thinking back, it definitely wasn’t the best thing to do, but was it at least warranted?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
Sr5lt7BSzOALptIktUSLrltITsQTqrXr
|
aawztu
| null |
AITA, for, abruptly, telling my mom she most likely has emphysema and needs to get a regular primary care provider and plan to cope with this chronic illness.
|
I am a Registered Nurse, so educated in this. It was abrupt because I couldn’t find a gentle way to approach it and she is here visiting me for 2 weeks. She has smoked cheap cigarettes since she was 13 (now 62), she has audible wheezing from across a room, she has a chronic couch in the morning, barrel shaped chest and blue tinge to her feet. She gets out of breath after short walks. She says it’s “allergies” and she takes Claritin everyday. I looked at her and said well you should go to the doctor and tell them your allergy medicine isn’t working very well and maybe try something different. She didn’t respond. I feel bad.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ERJPOU5Zllkc6XBWhYDbT8NmXfb3YBkg
|
b5zhjo
|
{
"description": "asking my very loud roommate to quiet down",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my very loud roommate to quiet down?
|
Currently, it’s 10:30pm. She is cooking and she is very loud. She likes to play music or podcasts while she cooks, or talk on the phone. She is usually in the kitchen for several hours. I’d be lying if I said we got along. She’s repeatedly ignored my attempts at conversation and friendship. Anyway, we don’t like each other much, I don’t think. That being said, I’ve always done my best to be considerate in my noise levels. I am sometimes out in the living space later at night but I am always very quiet. I try to be on a pretty strict schedule for work reasons, and I need my body to be used to being asleep and awake at certain times. The noise (primarily the music/podcasts/phone calls, and the banging of pots and pans) prevent me from sleeping. Would it be terribly unreasonable of me to ask her to quiet down?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
nZGpK9ekOhvJO1qEaT1QkAWyI4tchwUh
|
9w0k1o
|
{
"description": "defending Trump in a Reddit thread",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for defending Trump in a Reddit thread?
|
People in Reddit comments were calling Trump out for something I frankly thought didn't deserve calling out. I got downvoted and one guy kinda insulted me, I think? [Here](https://www.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/9vz30l/justin_trudeau_closes_his_umbrella_even_though/e9gdd68/?context=3) is the link to the chain in question, I made a few comments to a few different people.
I wasn't defending his policy or anything, I just didn't think he should be taken to task for inconsequential things because it detracts from and belittles actual arguments against the real policies he is trying to enact.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
0YP8enAcSXtAFRF4U1AJonXmx0HkpuQL
|
arxxnc
| null |
AITA for the way I reacted when my family asked me to donate my kidney to my great-aunt?
|
My mom was having a party Saturday night at her house and I was having a nice time talking to some family members when my mom and grandma came over to join the conversation. Full disclosure, I was tipsy and on top of that had just taken a hit of a dab rig (weed) less than 5 minutes before this happened so I was definitely not in the right state of mind for serious conversation. Don't worry that's normal at my house, I smoke weed with my mom pretty often.
My mom and grandma start the conversation off talking about my great-aunt who has been ill on an off for the past few years. I don't really know her that well, growing up she would send me and my siblings small Christmas presents and every few years we'd get lunch together with my mom and grandma but it's safe to say she is not part of my life in a meaningful way.
Out of nowhere my grandma slips it in to the conversation that she wants me (26F) to get tested to see if I might be a match for my great-aunt (late 70s) so I can donate a kidney. They would give me $25,000 if I agree. I stood there shocked for a moment before I managed my reply,
Me: Umm... isn't she kind of old?
Mom: Not that old! With a new kidney she could live to be 90 or even 100!
Me: My health insurance is crap, if there are any post surgical problems I would be in debt the rest of my life. And to be honest I am way too high to be having this conversation right now.
Grandma: I'm going to walk away now.
After this interaction my mom and grandma didn't talk to me for the rest of the night and I can tell I upset my grandma very much. I know I'm not the asshole for not wanting to give up my kidney (definitely not doing that) but I feel like the asshole for the way I reacted.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 80,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ow2QMFKI9zeWyiCFkQcelwXiPxpnBxsw
|
a4e58y
|
{
"description": "looking through my ex's phone and then leaving her",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for looking through my ex's phone and then leaving her?
|
I have been dating this girl for about half a year. While she was sleeping I went through her phone and found out she has been having intimate conversations with her ex (from the text it actually seemed like they didn't really break up). Her ex was an international student whom she dated for 4 years. They "separated" when he left but based on the texts they were still in love. One night I was helping her charge her phone and there was a message from "Habibi". I knew her ex was Arabic so this got me suspicious. She had trusted me with her phone's password too so it was easy for me to just take a look. I confronted her about it the next day. She said she didn't want to hurt me but she just fell for me really fast. I was about to cry so I said that I was leaving. She hugged me really hard and held me in place and said "no you can't I won't let you" as she started crying. She told me that she was raped 4 years and her host family and friends abandoned her. She said that she can't just ignore him cause he helped her go through it and everything. I started feeling really bad so I stayed for the night. She was cried a lot and had a few panic attacks. I woke up before her in the morning and snuck out. She was the first to say "I love you" and I loved her too but this seemed too much for me to handle. I still miss her. Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
fX8sK7UyqlXYZgelBOu9gssb3x0wfBLN
|
9wknuh
|
{
"description": "telling my leasing office I'm considering calling the (non emergency) police over noise complaints against my neighbors? or for making so many complaints in general",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my leasing office I’m considering calling the (non emergency) police over noise complaints against my neighbors? Or for making so many complaints in general?
|
at this point I’ve made 4 separate complaints to my leasing office about the family directly above me. Two were written formal complaints. It started with their 4 year old spending quite literally 4 hours one day and 6 hours the next day sprinting back and forth across the floor, stomping as hard as he can, and what sounded like him jumping off furniture and landing hard on the floor. It was literally nonstop for hours each time, and the second time it went on until after midnight. That was the first informal email complaint. Then one day they started playing music so loud it drowned out my television 10 feet in front of me and after a while was turned up loud enough to be heard over headphones. It went on for around 3-4 hours in the middle of the day, and was loud enough that I could hear every lyric. So I made the first written formal complaint.
The second formal complaint was a few days ago, when we came home the woman who lives up there was also getting out of her car at the same time as us. She flipped us the middle finger and then proceeded to stomp up the second flight of stairs as we were directly under her on the first flight. She’s a small girl, so it took a lot of effort to stomp as hard as she was stomping. Ten minutes later they were playing more loud music, even louder than the last time, and I went immediately to the leasing office to put in a complaint. The property manager not only tried to tell us it was probably the maintenance employees playing loud music outside (as if that’s acceptable anyway?) and she was definitely speaking down to us as tho she is positive we’re lying about this. She sent a maintenance guy to stand in our apartment and see if he could hear the music but by the time we’d gotten back they had already stopped playing music.
Then today they’ve twice played loud bass thumping music for over an hour each time. By the second time the leasing office was already closed so I sent another email, telling them I didn’t feel like anyone was handling this situation professionally. I told them if it keeps happening I’m going to make a noise complaint with the police department, and I also sent the same email to the area manager above the on-site property manager mainly because it derailed that it’s still happening and I brought up the property managers attitude with us as well.
TLDR; I’ve made 4 noise complaint, 2 formal written ones against the neighbors above us. Nothing has changed, so I emailed my last complaint to the area manager as well as told them I’m going to call the police because I don’t think I’m being taken seriously
AITA for both the threat about the police and for making so many complaints against one family? Is this something I should just live with? We’ve tried talking to the neighbors directly, that just resulted in their animosity and then lying to the leasing office claiming my boyfriend screamed a bunch of curse words at their child which absolutely did not happen. The manager told us to not go up their anymore and to take all of our complaints to the office in the future.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
Fr1MNqp3bJJK4zSeuv2XLEsUWEsv6hFL
|
agp5rb
|
{
"description": "wanting to break up with my boyfriend for having anxiety and depression",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For wanting to break up with my (19, F) boyfriend (18) for having anxiety and depression?
|
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and three months. We were best friends before we started dating, and it really makes all this harder.
My boyfriend has a really bad relationship with his mother and that’s kind of put me in the “mom” role. Therefore, he pretty much depends on me to support his emotions.
I’ve been witness to many panic attacks and random fits of anger and tears. I have a hard time talking to him about our relationship and working things out, because he gets upset and has to hang up the phone.
He’s also very physically ill. He’s severely underweighted and we don’t know why and now has a ton of dietary restrictions. This also makes me his part time nurse because he’s in pain a lot.
He’s also pretty unmotivated, which effects us a lot. We are recently out of high school and I’ve managed to hold a job and go to college, while he still doesn’t have a job and hasn’t signed up for school because of his depression.
I’ve stayed with him because I’m still in love with him, but there isn’t much romance and I rarely feel like I want to be intimate with him.
I’ve expressed all these feelings to him, but it seems like he honestly can’t make the changes that I need him to, in order for our relationship to work.
It’s hard because a lot of this isn’t his fault, he’s just sick. He recently got on an anxiety and depression medication and it has slightly helped but not by much. Im at a loss as of what to do except take a break from him and see if he can get himself together apart from me. I truly want him to get better but I feel like the fact that he uses me as a crutch is holding him back.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
kcX36Q4FKCrLp1XhOu42PnT2pZBKVhyl
|
aoli0x
|
{
"description": "wanting a new engagement ring instead of a family heirloom",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting a new engagement ring instead of a family heirloom?
|
The title pretty much says it all. I have a very particular taste in jewellery, so much that I don’t even own much because there is very little I like.
I have found a ring that I love and knowing that the question is right around the corner, I showed a pic to my parter so that he would know what to get me. (He has already said he would prefer the get the ring and ask me with that than us shop together, so I was just being helpful with some ideas)
But when I showed him, he asked me “what about if it was a family heirloom, like my grandmothers ring?” and I didn’t want to offend so I just said yes, that would still be nice because the idea is lovely.
I have a feeling that he already has the ring (if I’m correct he got it last month) and that’s why he was checking with me, but I already know it won’t be of my taste because I’m just not into vintage things.
I was married 12 years ago and the ring picked for me then was awful but I wore it anyway. I don’t want to have to do that again. I feel like just once I should be allowed to have something I like.
He’s really not a family oriented guy, so I was very shocked by his question, but it must mean a lot to him to suggest it. (Unless his mum just gave it to him when he told her he was asking me, she’s big on regifting)
AITA for wanting something new that fits my style and tastes?
Ps: we are quite well off and the ring I want is less than $500, so it’s not like it’s a $10K diamond I’m asking for. It’s about the style, not the price.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
dN90tP5P2cSNeFArwPATLom8fJgbfS7K
|
9vyi45
|
{
"description": "ignoring my grandmother after she basically disowned me",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ignoring my grandmother after she basically disowned me?
|
This summer my grandmother basically disowned saying things that basically were her wishing I was never her grandson and I was a disgrace to the family and stuff like that after she found out I was an atheist. I have been ignoring her calls and text after that. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
tQISjStHfDfnOb9xUTtLqWZtHcSZYTI6
|
au6rkj
|
{
"description": "being upset with my roommates",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being upset with my roommates
|
AITA for being upset with one of my roommates eating my food.
Some info. I work a job where meal prep is pretty important. I tend work for 2 weeks straight through and if I come home I'll grab foods I have made or bought and then head out again. This week I have worked 168 hours (every hour of the week) by being on location.
So the story goes like this I came home one day where my week wasn't busy and noticed some of my smoothies were missing. They're little ones from Costco. I had put them in a drawer in the fridge and asked 2 of my three roommates to let me have that drawer. They did not protest. So in come home and notice a few are missing. I'm calk and ask and it comes to my attention two of them have drank my smoothies. I explained that it's a major violation of my trust to do that without asking. They apologize and say they'll replace the smoothies. I decline their offer and say, just dont do it again.
A week later I come home and my feta cheese has been opened from whole foods and 4 beers from a 6 pack I bought are gone. The two roommates again admit to eating some of my feta. I again reiterate it's not okay to do that.
However I asked 2 of my 3 roommates about the the beer. The 1st one said it wasn't her. So I texted the next roommate. She said it wasn't her either but, she texts the first roommate saying how shitty I am for accusing her of drinking my beers.
Now the 3rd roommate is a real POS. Hes jobless, a past domestic abuser, and thankfully moving out. I didnt ask him if he drank my beer but at this point I'm fairly sure it was him or one of my roommates shithead entitled friends.
So I bring up the notion how can I trust them to stay out of my room (I own guns and camera gear) and respect my belongings (motorcycle etc). The issue is they are really nice most of the time and watch my dog when I am on my hitch which means a lot because I love him. How should I approach the situation without being explosive or angry?
Also AITA for not addressing the issue in a group setting? Did my actions warrant feeling accused...
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
UjpBCVxwTlzeV1m2zJQh2AexeKgEaKYp
|
axf3u4
|
{
"description": "wanting personal space",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting personal space?
|
Obligatory mobile apology
So, my mother always wants to hug me, kiss me, all the normal motherly stuff. However, I don’t enjoy physical contact that much, and would rather spend time in my room alone. Also, while she likes talking and such, I like to be alone in my room watching anime and being an introvert. This is where the problems start.
The smaller issues I have with her include hugging me against my will and entering my (unlocked) room without my permission. I can usually tolerate those. The bigger things are barging into my locked room by picking the lock at any hour of the day (or night), walking into the bathroom to get something when I’m showering (I’m a female), even when I’ve said no, and taking my stuff and not giving it back unless I hug her.
I love my mom, but I hate these things, and I’ve talked to her about this stuff a lot, and she says she’ll stop. She never stops, and whenever I defend myself, she says she “needs” physical contact and signs of love because she has depression and feels unloved. (And I know she isn’t lying about that, or trying to use me) I know about this, but I also have mental issues, and I need to be alone. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
XrMnPBBUQgH682hpvPBhvP8y52BjefuH
|
a0zv3z
|
{
"description": "refusing to make my coworker stop calling me a nickname, just because my boyfriend said to",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to make my coworker stop calling me a nickname, just because my boyfriend said to?
|
On mobile, sorry for formatting. Also sorry for how long and kinda petty the whole thing is
So I'm a 22 year old male. My boyfriend is 25. I've worked at this call center for a few months, and as such I've made a couple work friends. One of my friends, let's call her Emily, soon after we met decided to give me the nickname Cinnamon Roll, saying I'm too pure. I get the meme, I'm hip, and I like the nickname.
After a while I get around to mentioning it to my boyfriend. I wasn't trying to hide it, I had no reason to, we just hadn't really discussed my every conversation and it didn't come up. When I mention it to him though, he immediately went on the defensive "who is this girl, why does she call you that, what does she look like, etc". This catches me off guard, I'm very gay and I'm shocked he seemed so jealous of a girl when he knows theres no chance anything would happen.
I answer his questions, try to explain the meme, list a handfull of fictional characters I would consider Cinnamon Rolls, and he just didn't seem to get it. He insists that she's "an eagle trying to swoop in on his bunny" and that she must die. I realize he's kidding, but it becomes an almost nightly conversation. He makes jokes about all my work friends, but Emily definitely gets the most of it over the name.
Today the conversation came to a bit of a head. We're texting and he jokes about her requiring death over it again, and I'm kinda sick of the joke at this point, and say that if Emily has to die so does his friend Teresa. She does everything Emily does but they've known each other longer. If Emily is that big a threat to him then Teresa is one to me. He says that's different, she's like his sister. I say Emily is like a sister to me, just a much newer one.
He doesn't like that and asks why it's suddenly an issue now. I tell him I've always been a bit annoyed by his joke, and he just laughed it off whenever I mentioned it to him. I have a hard enough time making friends as it is, I don't need his constant "jokes" weighing on me every time I meet someone.
Eventually he agrees to stop making the joke. I thank him, and then he says "If the joke has to stop, so does the name". To which I say no, if my friend wants to give me a nickname I like they're allowed to.
He says that's hypocritical which kinda floors me, cause I don't see how. I tell him Cinnamon Roll is no worse than Chocolate Chip, a nickname his friends gave him. He claims thats different cause he knew his friends more than a couple months. I say that's arbitrary and ask what the time requirement is on nickname giving, 6 months, 3 years, a certain percentage of my age? I tell him I love him, but he's trying to control how I talk and to who, and it makes me feel like he doesn't trust me and that hurts.
He says that I obviously dont care about his feelings. He's proud I made a friend, good for me, but why does SHE get to be a Cinnomon Roll and HE doesn't, I've said I have more than one. Now he's simply confused on the facts of the situation because I dont call her that, just the other way around.
Eventually he says that he isn't mad he isn't a cinnamon roll, he's mad that her one name seems more important to me than any of the petnames he calls me. It must be because I let her call me her name but not any of the handful he gave me. I tell him it's apples and oranges and just because I'm not gonna kill a name I like just because he says so doesnt make his less important to me.
He told me to stop digging my already deep hole, and now he isn't talking to me.
So that's where I'm at. Him ignoring me telling him I love him and I don't get off work for several more hours. I feel like he made something out of nothing weeks ago when he started making the "joke", and I draw a line at him trying to control how I talk with my friends and him trting to make me control how they talk to me. But Idk. Am I the Asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
cAOU44JT0rG0prokLwPYjHWxRYF8BFoi
|
ahe72z
|
{
"description": "not staying in contact with my drug addicted friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not staying in contact with my drug addicted friend?
|
I'll begin this post with the initial problem and then back track to give some background information.
A little more than a year ago I kicked my friend who was visiting me because he had gotten drunk and took a bunch of Xanax and almost overdosed as far as I could tell. I told him to seek out nearby family and sort his life out (at three time he was a graduate student and facing some legal trouble.) I told him to get sober and straight before contacting me ever again. Since then he's been sending me random aggressive messages and acting like I'm in the wrong. I'm currently not aware of his location or situation, but I'm pretty positive he is in jail.
I want to help him but my priority is to take care of myself and my girlfriend and life is a hustle enough without taking on the weight of my friend's problems. I also think there are underlying psychological issues that no one is addressing that are causing him problems.
I met my friend, we'll call him Dan, in college. He had already had issues with many different hard drugs including meth, heroin, and crack. By the time we met him it really seemed like all that was behind him. While we disagreed on a lot of social/political philosophies, Dan was a great friend to have around. Fast forward a few years and we all graduate college except for Dan (same age as me) who was a few years behind us due to his timeline.
Around this time we started to notice changes in Dan. For lack of a better description he simply seemed like he was going crazy, probably due to not having his friends around who he could be himself around. Dan is a rather self conscious person and has a lot of social anxiety. After he graduates he immediately went out west to graduate school. We believe he never made any friends there and drifted into solitude and alcoholism which are very dangerous things for someone with underlying mental health issues.
We started receiving texts in our group chats from Dan that made no sense, were riddled with simple spelling errors, were aggressive. They seemed like they were coming from someone who entirely lost their mind, basically.
It wasn't long after this time that I had to kick him out of my apartment. I was honestly very scared of him. There was no way to tell if he was going to turn violent at any moment (he's a big, big dude).
I told him to give me a year before trying to contact me and to get his shit together. By that time he was facing multiple felonies in a western state, had gotten a DUI in New York, etc. He ended up getting sent to a rehab clinic close to where I live and kept sending me messages, which I either ignored or didn't respond to. He had been ignoring the rules to his legal sentences and was buying weed (allegedly from undercover cops), cooking meth in his apartment, etc. At one point he skipped town and then came back to finish his rehab and now he is gone again and most likely in jail.
Am I the asshole for shutting him out? My life is chaotic as it is and I don't have the time or strength to deal with other people's problems but I also feel like me and my friends were keeping him sane for a little bit.
Sorry if this is all disjointed and unclear, the details of his life fern the past two years or so are so shrouded in mystery and meth smoke that I don't think anyone could quite put together a reasonable timeline of events, not us, not his parents or family and definitely not him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
T2ly2nIoZQ58uujxWsimpqXmyMHVPRba
|
at0h5c
|
{
"description": "not wanting to drive",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to drive?
|
So basically I'm 18m with a minimum wage job and my gf 17 doesn't have a job or car and can't support financially in any way. She lives about a 40 min drive away and I end up spending about $60 on gas a week to drive out and see her a bunch while only making $110 and still need to pay bills. Recently we got in an argument bc I didn't want to drive out to see her because gas was getting expensive and I needed to save for bills and college in a few months. I still drive out to see her at least 2x a week AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
cqiLu1nAW9BxCovNmZyyhptxl7AWy2pX
|
b72357
|
{
"description": "getting my coworker removed from my station and put into the back on dish duty",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting my coworker removed from my station and put into the back on dish duty?
|
(Sorry for the mobile formatting.)
So, this coworker, let's call her M, got moved to my station. I work at a grocery store in popcorn kiosk that is separate from the bakery, but part of the department. M was working in the bakery as a clerk before getting moved to popcorn about a week or so ago. She was moved because of her attitude and lack of motivation to work.
Since she moved, she has been disappearing on us for 20 minute Starbucks runs multiple times a day (we are only supposed to have two 10 minute breaks and a lunch). M lies about where she is going, then goes to Starbucks. We've been busy, so sometimes it's a big problem.
She has been consistently not listening to our instructions and training, making things wrong, and ignoring customers. I had already talked to M multiple times about it before two days ago when we got a customer complaint. The department head came to us and told us about it, and we both got in trouble. I talked to M again about it, because my other coworkers are friendly and prompt with customers, and she did the exact same thing yesterday and got another complaint.
I went to our manager and told her about how M had been working, and after I went on my lunch, she apparently got moved back onto the dishwasher in the very back corner of the bakery.
TL;DR: I went to my manager about my coworker after she had gotten multiple customer complaints about her attitude, and she got put on dish duty permanently. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
xEzAHyXelLV0Qu4PmgnbID2E136RXnme
|
b8whnf
|
{
"description": "telling my parents not to go to a grandmother's funeral because the place is unsafe",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling my parents not to go to a grandmother's funeral because the place is unsafe?
|
My grandmother's sister died (bless her soul) and the city where they live has some political unrest lately, there were rebels who infiltrated the place, and because of the exchange of gunfire, soldiers and civilians died. Roads were also blocked and a war has been declared between the rebels and the government.
I told my parents not to go see her because "she's dead anyway" and "there's nothing else" they can do, that it's not worth risking their lives "to see someone who has already passed away". I said it in the most sympathetic manner.
They've been told that it has "calmed down" now but I'm still not confident and I really don't want them to go. I even put my mom on a guilt trip saying "think about the children (my siblings)".
Am I the asshole for looking after their safety?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
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