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ar4wj4
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{
"description": "refusing to support prostitution",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for refusing to support prostitution?
|
Okay, so my friend and I have been friends for about 17 years, since freshmen year of high school. We don't see each other often due to my demanding work schedule that often requires travel, and the fact that she's a bit of a free spirit wanderer. She currently lives about 3 hours away from me.
She texts me on Wednesday saying she's riding to my city with her half sister "for a job" and wants to catch up and get drinks while they're here.
Of course I'm down!
Over the next two days, the conversation continues, I ask what part of the city she's going to be in so I can figure out where to go. She doesn't know yet, but casually mentions her sister has "clients", and she'll be in the car to kill time.
... "Clients?"
Please tell me your sister does hair.
Nope.
She means CLIENTS.
So now I'm no longer interested in hanging out. Tell her it's dangerous and stupid and think it's a terrible idea. I was clear I didn't want to be around that kind of "business".
The day of, she texts saying she's in town, and about an hour later, I clarify I won't support that lifestyle and don't think she should either. I.e. I WILL NOT be coming to see her at _____ hotel while her sister "sees" some unknown number of "clients".
She's mad, says she isn't "working", just her sister, and she doesn't see what the big deal is.
I explain to her when cops do stings, they don't just arrest one person, they (at least) detain everyone, and I'm not trying to be listed as an associate here or even have my plates taken down. You never know when someone is under surveillance in situations like this. I should know. I worked in Law Enforcement for 5 years. I've taken people to jail for this. I've rescued victims of human trafficking. She knows this.
Not to mention the fact that my current job requires a Secret Security clearance that I don't want to lose because of someone I barely even know (her half sister).
She's not trying to hear it. Apparently I'm a bad friend for backing out of plans last minute, even though I was pretty clear I did not support what they were up to the moment I found out.
So, am I the asshole for refusing to support or associate with a known prostitute? Or am I justified in choosing self-preservation over friendship?
TL;DR Friend hits me up wanting to go for drinks. I initially accept the invitation but later back out when I find out she's hanging out with her sister while her sister has sex with men she "met" online for money. Friend is pissed.
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "during this exchange with my long distance girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA During this exchange with my long distance girlfriend?
|
This may seem trivial for some folks but this is so out of the ordinary for me and my girlfriend that I had to ask. I (23M) am in an intense graduate school program while my girlfriend (21F) is finishing her last year of college, and for 2 years we have been happily together and I do not see that changing anytime soon. Today, we had a conversation over text that was very strange for us as we are both very mature, we don't normally get angry with each other, and if we do its very brief and we tend work out our issues very well. Today I decided to tell her that I was going to be able to visit her during one of the weekends I have off, and this text convo ensued:
Me: I think I am coming up on the 22nd of February, and leaving that Sunday afternoon
GF: Really! Yay!
Me: Have to leave early that afternoon though bc thats the weekend before my one final
GF: Uhh then why don't you come the other weekend we talked about?
Me: I might
GF: I think you should.
Me: I am still figuring it out, just saying what seems more logical to me
GF: You're not going to be any fun if you come before a final
Me: Forget that then
\*Here I am in class, being called on for a question, and I feel my phone blow up for about 30 seconds
GF: You're going to be in total panic mode and should study
GF: Babe honestly thats more important
GF: And I don't want you to fail bc you should've studied more
GF: Whatever ignore me thats fine thats the proper way to have a talk about things
Me: I am in class ffs
GF: Whatever you were responsive 5 mins ago
Me: I got f\*\*\*\*\*\* called on
GF: Okay
Me: We can talk about it later. I don't know what I will do yet. Yes my final is important but I am looking more broadly at my schedule. It is also presidents day the week before which may work but idk yet.
GF: Okay I was trying to think about you.
Me: I know, thank you
GF: really bc it doesn't sound like it. I get it (grad program) is hard but you snapped at me
Me: You spammed me in class what did you expect! You gave me no time to respond before saying "fine ignore me, you're a child"
GF: Well last I knew you were responsive
Me: It shouldn't matter
GF: I didn't call you a child
Me: You insinuated as much
GF: No I didn't
Me: Well what else would you call that!
GF: Maybe take it literally
Me: Just being aggressive then?
.... and that's it. She followed with "have a nice day" and we haven't talked since early this morning. This seems so petty but I feel like she overreacted. Please judge me with fire and fury. If you made it this far thanks for reading.
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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atpq4e
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{
"description": "not wanting people to wrap my presents",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For not wanting people to wrap my presents?
|
I apologize if this ended up being too many words!
This came up between my fiance and I over her wrapping presents for me but my sentiments apply to everyone generally.
My fiance had asked me about what kind of paper I wanted my presents to be wrapped in this past Christmas and I told her I've always thought it was wasteful personally to have wrapping paper that you just rip and throw out. I wouldn't mind if she or anyone else just gave a wrapped present to me or if I received one in any other way but if I was being asked about what I would like best my answer would be no wrapping paper at all.
She got upset at this and I offered alternatives, using a gift bag with some stuffing if she wanted to conceal the gift initially (I figured I could reuse the bag later but didn't say this in the conversation). I said I can understand why other people do and will give a wrapped gift occassionally (I like to use gift bags, or high quality bags or containers that I decorate and feel can be used after taking the gift out) but for me if I'm directly asked what I would like best for a gift that is for me, not wrapping would make me happier.
She said she didn't understand and cried a little, and I honestly couldn't understand what I had said that warranted it (I didn't yell or say any of it in anger and we were not in the middle of a fight). I eventually said I'd give it a shot anyway and she could wrap them. When the time came for me to open then later, I like to open them slowly without ripping the paper if I can and save them for a while as if I do have to receive them I like holding onto them for a while fo appreciate the effort someone took in wrapping it.
She commented on how long it was taking the whole time and offered to rip it for me which I declined. This led into another conversation about present wrapping and holidays ( she likes holidays more than I do but I make efforts to meet in the middle, like not going out valentine's day but planning a whole weekend away at a romantic cottage the next week) and I said what I already said in a calm manner and she got upset and cried again saying how she thought I was cold and mean and and an asshole about not being in the holiday spirit. I said I thought the holiday was about making others happy with your gifts and that included giving it to then in a way that was most comfortable for them.
AITA for not just accepting this and getting into this wrapped present spirit? I felt I was missing something during both conversations as I was just so surprised by her reaction, her replies only being about how wrapping presents is how she always did Christmas and she didn't like this difference with me.
TLDR: Fiance gets upset with me about not liking presents wrapped when asked, I agree to let her wrap them she doesn't like the way I unwrap them.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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{
"description": "not wanting to see my only aunt after 11 years",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to see my only aunt after 11 years?
|
my aunt cut contact with my mom (her sister) after their brother died in an accident in 2008. it deeply affected everyone, including my mom, but her sister immediately started creating complications due to not being happy with his will. more or less, she didn't feel like she was getting much from it- and blamed my mom and my grandmother for not being willing to give her some of their shares. so the day of my uncle's funeral, after the services ended, my aunt had reached her breaking point.
she didn't wanted to speak to or see my mom or my grandmother- her only two living relatives- again.
since then i didn't hear a word from my aunt, and the holidays at her home stopped abruptly, though i was 8 years old and too young to understand why. it really hurt whenever i'd ask if this year was the year we'd go back to my aunt's house for Christmas or Thanksgiving and i'd get the same 'no' from my mom every time. within one year the two adults i looked up to the most besides my parents were gone, and it affected me as i got older. i think my mom was just as angry as my aunt was, and may have been partly responsible for the lack of response from her. overall, it was a shitty situation since we were stuck in the middle no matter what.
today my mom basically came into my room and said we were going to my grandma's house for her birthday, and her sister + kids would be there.
i know i don't have all the specific details of what was said at the end of that funeral, but with how my mom is, i don't think i ever will. my aunt's actions so far have spoken louder than words to me, yet i'm the only one who's showing any kind of resistance to seeing her.
AITA?
​
**TL;DR: Aunt cuts contact with my mom and grandmother after brother dies, haven't heard a word from her since. Mom might have left out details but with how my aunt has acted I don't think that matters to me. AITA for having second thoughts over seeing her again?**
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "cutting ties with my BFF a few days after her wedding",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for cutting ties with my BFF a few days after her wedding?
|
I come from a very broken home. I had a best friend (I'll call K) who I had been close to since Jr. High and had been friends with since pre-school. When things were getting bad, I would go to her house. I started going there every weekend, and even stayed during week days. I felt part of the family, I even saw K's mom as my own mom.
​
K and I had a falling out when we were in college, and when we did eventually make up, it was around that time that I wasn't able to pay for my own cell phone plan. I told her, call or text my boyfriend (now husband) to reach me, or she could try Facebook, but I wouldn't be as responsive as I was working my ass off trying to get thru my last year of college.
​
The few times we talked that year, I felt like I couldn't get a real conversation out of her. I asked 'hey, what's new?' and she would say nothing much, she had to get a new car as she got into a wreck. I freaked out, asked what happened, if she was OK, but she didn't make a big deal out of it and acted like she didn't really want to talk. She didn't talk about who she was dating, how the family was or anything, so I figured I should just concentrate on my projects so I can get the job of my dreams, which was a guarantee to get as long as I completed my projects.
​
Months pass, and I decide to take a break and check Facebook. I see pictures of K in a wedding dress, and she is apparently getting married. I checked my boyfriend's phone, I checked my Facebook messages, and there wasn't any communication. It was too late to drive or get a plane ticket, so it was impossible for me to attend even if I had been invited. I immediately became heartbroken, we had always talked about being each other's maid of honor, would always be there for each other but I saw this kin to being abandoned or forgotten.
​
A few days pass, and I Facebook message her mom, and I tell her, Congratulations on the wedding, not sure why I wasn't invited but it really hurt to not be. I then explained that I would be cutting off all contact and I wished them all the best, and I appreciated her being there for me and how much the family meant to me.
​
Another few days pass, and I see K complaining on Facebook about how I didn't reach out to her anymore and how it took 2 to make things work. This was always her go to saying, stating that both parties needed to communicate to make the relationship work. Several other people I was once friends with also complained that I stopped talking to them as well, and they didn't know why.
​
I didn't say anything then, and I haven't said anything for almost ten years (more than 5 but less than 10), until this post.
The only other conversation I had was to get in touch with a mutual friend of K's who knew my estranged sibling to tell them our father passed. No one reached out to me to tell me they were sorry for my loss or for any information.
​
So, long story short, AITA here, or justified?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{
"description": "asking my boyfriend to continue giving me head",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA for asking my boyfriend to continue giving me head?
|
Throwaway because my boyfriend is an avid redditor. I'm just hoping he doesn't browse this subreddit.
My boyfriend loves giving head. I'm not exactly sure why, but he's said before that he enjoys the act of giving (as well as receiving, of course). I'm not one to complain, he's also pretty good at it too.
However, I hate giving head. I find it disgusting, and he doesn't really ask for it so I had no reason to tell him that before (plus, I felt like telling him I don't like giving head would take the wind out of his sails).
Recently my boyfriend asked for a blowjob. It wasn't for a special occasion, but he asked nonetheless. I told him no, and gave him my reasons, and he seemed a little bit upset. I asked him if he thought he was owed a blowjob, and he said something to the effect of "no, nothing like that. Just a little dissapointed is all".
Just a few nights ago, we were fooling around, and at the junction where he would normally give me head, he decided not to. I asked him why and he told me he just wasn't feeling it.
Last night, I asked him why he wouldn't go down on me. To be honest, it kind of felt like he was distant and not as intimate as he normally was. I asked him why he felt so distant, and he shrugged it off. I asked him to continue giving me head in the future, and he seemed annoyed. I'm at a bit of a loss here.
Am I the asshole for asking him to do this? I don't really understand what's changed. I feel like he feels like he's owed a blowjob or something, but I've clearly laid out my very reasonable feelings on the subject.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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a73l8g
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{
"description": "getting angry at my girlfriend after she told me she has an emergency fund from before we started dating 3 years ago",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting angry at my girlfriend after she told me she has an emergency fund from before we started dating 3 years ago?
|
Bear with me. It's not about the money.
We have been together for 3 years, the last 2 living together. We've always struggled for money but we always make it work.
Right now we are trying to get pregnant but after a year we are running some fertility tests and it doesn't look good, so we have started to talk about our options. I suggested we adopt, because IVF would cost about 5k and it would put her through a lot. She agreed.
Today she started asking me about IVF again and what would I prefer. I told her that of course I would prefer to have a baby of my own, but it was out of the question, and then she told me about this money she has hidden away that would cover the IVF.
I got really upset, not because of the money, but because she didn't trust me enough to tell me about it. She says that she does trust me, otherwise she wouldn't be with me, and I believe her.
I don't have an emergency fund, and she seems to think that if she had told me about hers, I would have asked her to spend it on any of the tough times we've had. I would never do that. Whatever money we earn whilst we are together is ours, and whatever money she had before is hers.
It just upsets me that she doesn't trust that I would respect her decisions with her own money.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
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{
"description": "getting angry at my gf for talking to another guy",
"pronormative_score": 31,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for getting angry at my gf for talking to another guy?
|
Let me know if this isn’t the exactly right place, but I figured the discourse fit and I’d like another point of view.
So my gf a year and a half has become friends with a lot of her coworkers which is a great thing. However, I found it strange just how much she talks to one coworker specifically. This coworker texts her nonstop from the time she wakes up until she goes to sleep, even when we are spending time together. Anything short of the two of us getting intimate has her with her phone in her hands. I could be trying to cuddle with her or share an emotional moment and her phone is in hand texting this guy. I know there’s nothing sexual going on because my gf doesn’t turn her phone screen away when we are together so she has nothing to hide.
However, this allows me to easily look over and see what he’s saying and I gotta say it makes me uncomfortable. One time he was talking about how he doesn’t understand fetishes, which looked to me like he was listing a bunch of fetishes and waiting to for my gf to say, “hey that one’s not that bad” so he can see what she’s into. Another thing I’ve seen him say is, “you wouldn’t hold it against me would you? Not that I wouldn’t want you to😈” (context unknown). My gf always segues away from these attempts but never outright tells him it’s inappropriate, despite my saying that he’s flirting with her. She just denies it and says they’re not like that.
One day more recently, she went out to dinner with her apartment mates that she lives with without inviting me (I have no problem with this as I understand the need for a girl’s night). I asked who all went along and she listed them off including this male coworker who is definitely not one of the apartment mates. At this point it became incredibly obvious that I had not been invited for some reason. I said have fun and told her I was going to bed.
The next day we had a conversation and I said I thought the way she treated this other guy in favor of me was inappropriate in my opinion and it made me feel insignificant when I would do anything for her. I said it made me feel bad that I didn’t get to enjoy time with her but this other guy who likes her too gets to be happy spending time with her. She told me I was being manipulative and making her feel bad for being with her friends. I believed this for a long time until recently when I noticed that I didn’t do anything manipulative. In my opinion I was just saying how I felt. In my opinion if you feel guilty for making someone else feel bad they aren’t being manipulative, maybe you acted in a way that you should feel guilty for?
Am I the asshole here? I’ve tried to recreate this as best I can from my point of view.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "getting mad that my girlfriend won't stand up to her parents",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for getting mad that my girlfriend won't stand up to her parents?
|
Context: I'm 28, she's 22. I live on my own, she lives with her parents. Her parents are immigrants from mexico so they are "old school" (their words) when in comes to parenting. They are roughly in their 50s.
So a while ago I moved away for school when we were 5 months into our relationship. We've been doing long distance and hit our 1 year mark last month. We're actually doing really good. I'm coming back for Christmas to see my family and her. Initially I wanted to just stay with her family while I visited her (she lives 3 hours from my own family). I was planning on sleeping in her bed with her at night. We weren't planning on having sex if they were also sleeping in the house cause that's weird; I just wanted to fall asleep with her and wake up to her. She asked her parents once, they said no (duh). I told her keep trying, maybe you can wear them down. If not, I said we'll just get an airbnb and sleep somewhere else. Problem is they get worried about her sleeping anywhere but her bed in their house. She's almost never been allowed to go to sleepovers, even past 18 years of age, except with her best female friend only. She convinced her parents one time to let her go on 5 day vacation with me once, but it was because I was moving and she wouldn't see me again for 6 months, and that was unheard of in her family.
Here's where I need to know AITA. She doesn't want to disrespect/disappoint her parents by not sleeping in her house. I told her I would be disappointed and a bit mad if she let them dictate her life that much. I know it's only sleeping, we can literally go on a day trip and as long as she's sleeping in the house at night, they don't really care. AITA for not respecting their beliefs/culture/ect (they are from hispanic culture, so respect for family/parents is BIG) or do I have a right to be a bit pissed that she doesn't really want to fight this?
If you need more context, elaboration, ect, please tell me. I've never posted here before.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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|
{
"description": "reporting my neighbors to code enforcement",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I reported my neighbors to code enforcement?
|
So the back story is that I live in southern Louisiana and walk my dog down the alley between blocks behind my house. I have noticed that some dudes are trying to weekend warrior renovate one of the houses on the next block over. They are doing a slow and very crappy job. They have neglected tons of the property, the pool in particular. They also have 3 or more pitbulls that seem to always live outside in the dilapidated back yard.
I was walking my dog past the back yard down the alley and noticed through the holes in the fence that there were seemingly more dogs are in the back yard than are allowed by city ordinance. I decide to take a picture of the conditions and in doing so got a view of the inground pool. It is filled with stagnant water and algae. This is a danger to people with the exposed filth and is a breeding ground for mosquitoes. This is all against city code.
WIBTA if I sent the picture of the conditions to city code enforcement?
Here is a picture of the squalor conditions: http://imgur.com/gallery/ZG05Dsi
PS they seem to have also seen my camera and were driving up and down my block trying to find me and yell at me.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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{
"description": "not forgiving my inlaws",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not forgiving my inlaws?
|
Shortly after I got to know the family of my bf , I witnessed his brothers GF doing something inapprobiate. I did not tell anybody, but spoke to her. She was scared that I would talk about it but I promised I would not.
Instead of waiting and seeing that I stick to my word, she tried to bully me out of the family by spreading numerous lies about me and turned my BFs sister and mother also against me. It worked in her favor that I was fresh in the family and she was in for years. So they did not know me and believed her.
I remained pretty passive as I kinda hoped she would see, I still hadn't told anybody and just drop it. I also did underestimate how much effort she would put into getting me out and how easy the others started to believe her.
So she upped her game and started bullying my daughter and told my 4 y/o she was unwelcome in everybodies life, annoying, ugly and not loved. My daughter told me later and cried a lot about it.
We broke off contact immediatly and I told my bf what this all was actually about. He was stunned at first, but based on the information given, knew I wasn't telling lies. He wants me to set the record straight, as right now I am still the bad guy who attacked SIL for no reason at all.
Also my BF is starting to miss his family. They also want to reconcile and make up.
Now everybody wants to get along and make up and be happy again - but I so cannot get over my anger for what she did to my daughter. Tried and still want to beat the crap out off her for that.
So reddit, please tell me : AITA ?
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "causing my partner to fail on his paper",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for causing my partner to fail on his paper
|
For this assignment we were each expected to write our own papers reflecting on a mock counselling session where we take turns being recorded as the counsellor. During class there was a limited amount of counselling rooms, so we ended up not being able to go.
During the next class period I asked my partner if we could do the recording after class, but he never showed up so I ended up having to record with someone else. He never reached out to me after that or asked me about it when we were in class so I assumed he'd done what I had done and found someone else to record with.
On the day the paper was due, he emailed me asking what our plan was for recording, and today I found out he hasn't done the paper and it was due two days ago. I feel bad about his predicament, but I feel like as an adult, he should have reached out to me or someone else way earlier. He had \*weeks\* to make his preparations and he waited to the very last minute to mention anything so now it's my fault.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
0EvlC0paxeSh1iWUrygLJxqv8E8TPzNy
|
aztedq
|
{
"description": "throwing scalding coffee on customer who threw lager can at me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for throwing scalding coffee on customer who threw lager can at me
|
I do a bit of part time work at the weekends cash in hand for a family friend who runs a food trailer in town and have been doing it for a few months now. Isn't much but it gives me something worthwhile to do on top of my fulltime weekday job. We have a lot of regulars and a few weird types that sometimes come across as either crackheads, alcoholics or just the stereotype of chavs. One such feller who I'll call Jeff has been a frequent customer/problem in the past who will often loiter round the tables and be an annoyance from time to time. Jeff smokes without ny consideration for other people who are still eating/drinking (and while we can't prove it we've found bits of fag end butts/ash stubbed out on our tables around the same time he's around), he's a bit foul mouthed even when young children are nearby and my boss says he's seen him drinking cans of lager sometimes even though he's been told not to. Anyway, boss decided we're to stop serving Jeff if it keeps up. Naturally, Jeff turns up the next weekend when it's quiet and sits himself down on one of our tables to have himself a drink and a smoke. Boss tells him tables are for customers only, Jeff moans and has a quiet little word in behind my boss' back swearing and comes over.
Remembering what boss said, I told him we weren't serving him and to leave, he argues with me demanding to know why to which I list off x reasons (tl;dr he's a subhuman waste of space) why and say it's final, he can eat somewhere else as we don't want him taking piss any more. In a bit of a rant Jeff throws the mostly-empty can of lager he was drinking through the open hatch/window frame of our stall which nearly smashes into my head. At this time I'm holding a cup of coffee that was still too scalding to drink and instinctively throw it at him which splashes into his face, Jeff screams and covers himself up in pain and staggers off. I find out later in the evening that an ambulance was called to town near our stall around that same time.
My boss has been OK about this as he thought Jeff was being a twat but warned me he might try to cause trouble by involving the police and so I should take a few weekends off until things quiet down. Someone else I know said I went a bit too far but honestly I wasn't the one who threw a metal can at someone's business. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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EVERYBODY
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{
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|
WRONG
|
urUVbnZFLj9HzoY4wsg159AIEHvg0oI2
|
a3r9uz
| null |
AITA For Late Night Bar Conversations and Expressing My Opinions
|
So I typically don't go to the bar, but a couple nights ago one of my friends invited me out to meet up with them. When I got to the bar, I got a few drinks and caught up with a few people I hadn't seen since high school. All was good, nothing but your typical night out.
But then, my friend's girlfriend brought up the topic of pedophilia. Everyone started ranting about how they should be 'killed and sent off.' While I understand their point, I approached the topic differently. Do not get my wrong, I think pedophilia is horribly disgusting and such an unjust act, but at the same time I sympathize for these people. I see them as sick people who are in need of serious help and counseling. I said something along the lines of 'they did not choose to be such a way, as I imagine if they had the option they would choose typical sexual-preferences.' Everyone got upset with me, accused me of being a pedophile, and it just quickly turned into a mess. I apologized and no-one seemed to linger on the subject anymore, but throughout the rest of the night the vibes were not nearly close to what was going on prior. Quickly after we all left, and I haven't heard from anyone since.
I understand there hatred and frustration with such people, but over thinking everything I can't help but feel maybe I am an asshole and potentially have a 'too-relaxed' view on people with a serious mental illness. I really like my friends but at the same time I don't want them thinking I'm advocating something so vile and wrong. What are your guys thoughts?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
y0FLjCLE4bcz0kImbC9cWQp6nSfqanvU
|
a46cgz
|
{
"description": "resigning before Christmas and during our companies busiest period in 5 years",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for resigning before Christmas and during our companies busiest period in 5 years
|
I work in an industry that has been in a downturn the last few years. Ive been with them for 10+ years but I'm burnt out and have had enough. I still enjoy what I do at times but between the corporate shit and lack of resources I'm over it. I've been looking for new opportunities the last 12 months but it's a small industry.
Pay cuts, staff reductions, Capex freezes have occured about 3 years ago. The last 6 months work has picked up and it's gotten very busy, still no increase in staff to help with the work load. Last month even more work has picked up for the next 3-4 months, including some multiyear projects. We haven't been this busy in 5 years.
I'm the manager of a department and the only one in the company that has my skill set and it is needed for this upcoming work.
This week I tendered my resignation and issued my 4 weeks notice as per my contract. I've had a few conversations with my direct line manager and their upset and disappointed. Asked why I didn't come to them sooner. What they can do to keep me all that jazz.
Now I'm expecting a call from the big boss today with a please explain and wanting me to work for another few months while I wrap up projects and they can find a replacement and hand over. Like I said, small industry, it's going to be hard to replace me.
I've already committed to a start date with the new company and have planned to spend time with my kids over the Christmas break between companies. Kids have 6 weeks off over Christmas, so this will be early to mid Jan just for a week between companies, so I don't really want to offer them this extra week - I value highly a good work/life balance.
I feel like shit and the asshole for leaving these guys at a busy period when I know their going to struggle. I know it's just a job and I should just move on etc , fuck I've been dishing that out to my wife to get her to move companies, but I still feel like an asshole. I'm sure the other managers who I work with, and now will have to pick up the slack, who are already working 12hour days, will also think I'm the asshole. Am I?
(Based in Aus if it has any relevance)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
X6hVTSbTiwJ6szDo0pFsj7k9rHKh9Fwp
|
a5gnms
|
{
"description": "telling basically talling my wife that her mother is digging a whole and needs to lie in it",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITAH for telling basically talling my wife that her mother is digging a whole and needs to lie in it?
|
My wife's mother is legitimate crazy. Ever since my wife and her siblings moved out her mother has been directing all of this crazy at her father. She accuses him of cheating and will try to pull her kids into it by sending them "proof" that she found which is usually an email sent by her or something like that. She goes off on him constantly about it and gets abusive. She doesn't even care that he just lost his mother and seems to be jealous about it. She is incredibly manipulative and lies a lot. Everyone wants her to go see some kind of doctor because they think she is sick. I feel like she is just desperate because she lost all control she ever had over her kids and is tormenting the father now. They are all really scared that it's going to cause her father to commit suicide so I tried to explain to her that if her mom doesn't want help and continues to do this something bad will happen and even though you might feel like a monster somebody needs to help convince her father that he should leave for the sake of himself. Her mother is slightly disabled (a stroke when she was 14 caused her to lose use of one hand) and hasn't had a job for probably 30 years. Is it really that bad to give up on people so toxic? I told her that if her mother can't take care of herself there are always women's homes available to help her, but that the guilt is part of the manipulation. Neither one of us is willing to house her because of this toxicity. Could someone please give me some advice on how I can help my wife with this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
QhYVryIMcSYACCSGdtDg5iMvsWNdy6mY
|
ali33q
|
{
"description": "not letting my boyfriend apply for a (potentially) bad job",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not letting my boyfriend apply for a (potentially) bad job?
|
Okay, so my boyfriend, C, worked at a starbucks at our local grocery store about a year ago, and he HATED it. One of his friends at the time, J, was the one that actually recommended the job. It turned out horribly because they had no management, people were quitting left and right, J refused to work more than one night a week, and C ended up working 40+ hours during finals week (we are in high school). He was so stressed and in such a bad mental state that he just couldn't handle it and would complain and break down over it constantly. Eventually, J transferred to a different starbucks at a different grocery store, and C ended up quitting and getting a new job at a movie theater.
Fast forward to now. J started acting like an asshole, causing me and my boyfriend to have a falling out with him. In retaliation, I guess, he picks on/bullies me and C whenever he gets the chance. Anyways, today, for whatever reason, he told C that he should apply to the starbucks he is working at. He made it clear that he still only works once a week, that they wouldn't have to work together, and that the manager will hire him right away. A little while later, C gets a call from one of our friends working at the same starbucks basically saying that she's looking to quit, but that the manager will hire C on the spot if he applies today. This all seemed sketchy to me, but like a big neon thumbs up to C.
We get into an argument about this, and I say that if people are quitting and the manager will hire anyone on the spot, it's got to be too good to be true, and that it will probably just end up like last time. On top of this, I reminded him of how stressed and how adamant he was about never getting a job at a grocery store starbucks again. I also made it clear that working with J will be hellish, and if he really needs a new job, it's not that hard to find one.
He replied by saying that he is in a better mental state now, can be stronger than before and quit if things get that bad again, and has work experience at a starbucks. He also assured me that he can ignore J, that this is a guaranteed job, and that he needs (wants) more money.
I just think that there are always jobs hiring and that he can find one closer to home that pays even more if he took the time to look for one. There is no need to put himself through that much stress again. I'm also afraid that if he goes in to ask how many people work there, how many hours a week he'd have, etc., he'd get lied to.
Am I the asshole for not letting him apply to this job, or is he a big boy who can made (bad) decisions on his own?
​
Summary: My bf worked at a terrible starbucks that didn't respect their employees, and his bully recommended they start working together at a new starbucks, even though the manager is hiring on the spot and people are quitting. It sounds to me like the beginning of round 2 of the first bad job.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
9uCuJijY7t0aCxowTicdVEULMMBdo55V
|
b6oecd
|
{
"description": "telling the negative \"me\" to go away",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling the negative "me" to go away?
|
I know how this might sound, but please hear me out. Recently I have sometimes been having conversations with myself. I talk out loud and the other "me" responds in my head/thoughts.
Basically what happened was we got into an argument and I got really mad so I shouted for him to just leave and go away. Since this occurred I can't "hear" him anymore. I honestly feel guilty, but don't know if I'm an asshole or not. If necessary I could post the entire conversation.
I can't trust my brain for obvious reasons so I need a third party to tell me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
oJm7gcSrxgWHje8p3gsM7zkJnXcQwEaU
|
aw0l4z
|
{
"description": "telling my coworker to stop eating my food",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for telling my coworker to stop eating my food ?
|
A little background. I'm a hairdresser , and in my profession , breaks are not always promised. When I do get a few spare minutes throughout my day, I can really only spare enough time to quickly shove some food in my mouth and go . We each have a tiny cubby with our name on it to put our snacks / cutlery/ etc in. I live alone and am in my early 20's. I try to be healthy , so i try to make my food last because it is more expensive . But for the few months or so , my coworker Lori (53F) who happens to be my boss's mom, has been taking my snacks out of my cubby and leaving me literal crumbs. A few times when I have to leave it out to take a client or go smoke , I will come back to a much smaller portion of food then when I left. So today I had enough . I was hungry. I was annoyed. I confronted her , sternly as she was holding my big bag of flavored almonds in her hand just digging right in . I asked her if she liked them , and where she got them from . She said found them in my cubby. I said "know where I got them from ? Target. They're 8.99. If you want more you'll have to get them from there and not from my cubby. You need to ask before you take from now on" She was not happy. She slammed the bag down and stormed off. She told my boss , and coworkers , and my boss thinks that I was an asshole to her mom and hurt her feelings .My coworkers also sided with her mom. My boss says it shouldnt matter if her mom eats my food , her mom shares with me "all the time" . And my coworkers tell me that I shouldn't have made a big deal over something so small . But I'm sick and tired of being stranded with no food at work. So AITA ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
9Pni9CWOqy31GX99Ys2Y7fsCgxqjWd0z
|
b0jpvt
| null |
AITA? my parents removed my room's door and blocked my window?
|
I live with my mother, father, twin bro, adopted bro.
​
So, i am 16, i will try to be neutral and tell the whole story. I used to go out late at night 1 am 2 am, since last year. My bf is 19, i will go to his house and sometimes theres a party or if not we just chill, drink and smoke, etc
​
My mother works late at night, she told my father to check on me every night, i told him to never try to step a foot into my room, why would anyone of them enter my room? i told him i will sleep naked so dont ever try to. When my mother doesnt have night shifts she just burgs in and checks on me.
​
2 nights ago, she deceived me. I thought she had a night shift but she didnt, she followed me and forced me to come back. They threatened me to report my bf and stuff but anyways, they removed my door from my room and blocked my window.
​
Seriously do i deserve all that? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
euaOkGQrhe3pGL6iIoQohVoMJsrRAQuQ
|
a90egv
|
{
"description": "asking for my money back",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking for my money back
|
Hello Reddit.
I need some “outsiders point of view” on this situation.
A little back story.
Last week, a friend messaged me asking if I was at the university. I wasn’t!
He asked whether I’d be there today and that he wanted a favour. Since he got blocked out of his bank transfer system, he needed to transfer 50€ by todays date to avoid a fine and asked me if I’d do it for him.
I agreed and said I’d meet him in 2 hours.
I realised that my battery was about to die and since I only use Mobile Banking, I headed home and told him to send me the details and I’ll do it from home - Which I did
A couple days later I asked/messaged him asking whether he was gonna pay me by cash or have his girlfriend transfer it to me as he suggested the last time. Got told that he sent my info to his Gf and she’ll do it.
I went away for the next 3 days to visit a really good friend and completely forgot about it. Came back and was looking at my account and realised that I still haven’t received anything from this guy.
I wrote him once again - one of his responses really hit my nerve.. then got called out for being cheap.
Note: We aren’t like really good friends. We know each other because we have some classes together and only meet when our paths cross.
[1st Screenshot](https://imgur.com/a/yRur0oB)
[2nd Screenshot](https://imgur.com/a/TvpKMUw)
[3rd Screenshot](https://imgur.com/a/2XiKoeK)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
K4b8i4277WuFYyEzMcENXAhEbRu74vTB
|
9td4av
|
{
"description": "sleeping with my ex's girlfriend's ex",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for sleeping with my ex’s girlfriend’s ex?
|
I was married for 15 years, and we had been together since we were 19. The last few years of our marriage weren’t great. We had gotten to the point where we would actively avoid each other when the kids weren’t around.
When he (let’s call him Mike) told me he wanted to separate he swore that he wasn’t seeing anybody else, but I found out a few days later that he had been meeting a woman who was also married at hotels a couple times a week. After a big confrontation I got a hold of his phone, did a reverse look-up on the number (paid for with his credit card of course) and contacted her (let’s call her Carli).
Carli immediately went on the defensive and got shitty with me. She suggested that this was my fault based on things my husband had told her, and when I asked her to leave him alone she told me that she wouldn’t be threatened or intimidated. So, I called her husband (let’s call him Ryan). I told him everything, and apologized to him for having to do this. He was actually really nice about it when I told him how embarrassed I was at their behavior (we both have children, and I was ashamed that I had to do something so trashy as to call him and tell him my husband was fucking his wife), and he actually ended up comforting me, since he had found out a couple weeks earlier and had already moved out.
Fast forward a few months later: my ex and I have been to counseling and have come to a place where we are able to communicate much better, and we have both come to the realization that we’re better off apart. I really like living alone (with the kids but you know what I mean) and we share the kids equally. He has continued to see Carli, and after talking things out with her we’ve actually become very friendly. We both have children similar in age, and we both have a child with autism. I can honestly say I wish them both the best.
During all the drama of lies and fights, I had texted with Ryan a few times, just because we were both going through the same thing and could talk to each other. He was really good to talk to. A few weeks ago he suggested that we meet when he and a few friends of his were going to visit a haunted house near me. Before we met I made it clear to him that I wasn’t looking to replace his wife, in those words exactly. It was a little blunt but I just didn’t want to make him think that we could just trade spouses and life would go back to normal for us, you know? He said that he totally understood and just thought that we could be of some comfort to each other. I kind of felt a little bad for him after I said that so I agreed.
What I did NOT expect to happen was to find him so freakin’ cute in person. He’s tall, tattooed, and smart af. He’s also really sweet. I invited him to come watch Evil Dead at my place the next week (Halloween!) and I kissed him before I went home that evening. Even though I liked him much more than I expected to, I wasn’t thinking much would come of it. I had been dating a little and had met another guy I really liked, but he works a lot and even though we both want to go on a second date his schedule is so crazy that it’s not set for another week or so.
The next week he came over and one thing led to another, and we ended up having sex for hours, and he stayed the night. The sex was a-ma-zing. He left the next morning and we have plans to see each other again next week. We didn’t talk about our exes, and the whole evening was great.
A few days later I let it slip to Mike (Ex) that I had gone out with Ryan and he freaked out. Not because he was jealous but because he thought that Carli would freak out when she found out, and he said that I was jeopardizing his relationship with Carli by seeing Ryan. I really don’t get why it’s a big deal, and he couldn’t be more specific as to why it’s a problem other than he’s her ex. I also kind of think it’s a little hypocritical for him to say that seeing as they both betrayed their spouses. He begged me to tell him that I was lying, and eventually I did just to calm him down. I don’t know if he believes me or not but he sure wants to.
I know this is a bad idea in general, but am I the asshole for doing it? I really don’t know.
TLDR: ex cheated on me with married woman, so I slept with her husband.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
1Z6WCZDxnJECoYAurMkUKMSqs6fELwxr
|
aug1yh
|
{
"description": "not talking to my mom after fighting about a ring",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not talking to my mom after fighting about a ring
|
Backstory: My parents are divorce and absolutely hate each other. The divorce was a shit show and they often put me in the middle. In the divorce agreement that both parents signed it states that I would inherit the wedding ring from the marriage.
So now, I am in college and living in my own place away from my parents. I am trying to get all of my important documents together and I realized that I never got the ring. I know that my mother has it and she is getting ready to move to another state with a man who I do not like. So I called her asking for her to give me the ring so I can have it where I live. Since we are living in different cities I had to call her and talk to her about this. She stated that she is not giving me the ring UNTIL my father pays her child support (I don't know anything about this nor do I care. My brother and I are both 18 and older and so tired of both of our parents that we don't really pay attention to anything that has to the divorce). I told her that she is putting me in the middle and that the ring or any money I made from the ring would go to my father, however, she is completely refusing. As we were on the phone she let it slip about 'selling the ring' and I lost it and hung up.
Now, I dont know what I am doing from here, I contacted my dad and told him the story as well as asked for a copy of the decree. But I do know that i'm not talking to my mom because of this. So AITA or does my mom have a point about this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
IBOUvM0cPUvgUX3FNI0D0jyDZswUQEHi
|
am6rhf
|
{
"description": "\"cancelling\" plans on him",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for “cancelling” plans on him?
|
I was dating someone for about 2 months and everything was great up until this moment. We had planned to hang out on a Friday night. He was going to come over and just hang out and watch a new episode of a show we love. I got home and texted him what time worked for him and he said he wanted to hang out around 9:30 but then said he rather go out and grab a drink instead. I was okay with that. Around 8:30 he texted me and said he wanted to push it back until 10:30. I told him that would be okay but because of the time I wouldn’t be able to be out for too long since i had to be up pretty early the next day. I wasn’t expecting to start our night out that late. He asked if I wanted to just do another day so I asked him if he was free on Sunday and he said yes. I told him I didn’t want to come off flakey but wanted to be able to give him more of my time, plus I didn’t know he would want to push it back that late. I told him I would still be able to go out with him tonight (Friday) but again, I couldn’t be out too late.
He ended up texting me back and telling me to “stop playing games” and told me not to “martyr myself to please him”
I was taken aback by this and tried to explain to him again that I wanted to be respectful of his time and still wanted to see him. He ignored my texts after that.
The next day I texted him asking if things were okay and he told me that he was upset that I “cancelled plans on him.” I apologized for making him feel that way but I told him again that it was later than I expected and he had only told me an hour before and his reaction seemed very hostile? He told me he didn’t want to talk about it anymore and I got upset because I wanted to be able to talk about things like that. He asked me what I was looking to get out of the conversation, saying that I made him upset because I cancelled and that I could’ve been more direct. He then told me that he didn’t want to have a “3 hour dr Phil session” with me every time we had a disagreement. That’s what really hurt me. I told him what he said was really invalidating when all I was doing was trying to tell him how I felt and not have an argument. He told me “the fact you think this is an argument says something, I’m just here chillin, do what you gotta do”
He then texted me the next day telling me he knows he’s an asshole and he’s sorry and he’s impatient but he could show me the “purest love imaginable”
I didn’t respond to him and haven’t talked to him since.
Ive dealt with a lot of people gaslighting me and making me feel like what I’m feeling is invalid.
Am I the asshole in this situation? Did I do something wrong to make him react like this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 10,
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
1H9uSZfSPtTLpbYQpGIs62g3oCNORW0R
|
ahwmkw
|
{
"description": "telling my wife that she looks good bigger",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for telling my wife that she looks good bigger?
|
When I first met my wife she was thin, pretty thin. Now after a few kids and years have gone by I'd say she's gained about 40 lbs? The thing is, she isn't obese or close to it (I would not be attracted to that). She was too thin, but it didn't really matter to me that much.
Anyway, she hates her current weight. She tells me how much she misses being thin, looking at old photos of herself or mentioning it occasionally. She makes efforts, then goes back to not really making an effort. She would go to the gym with me then she quit going.
As time went on I realized, she looks much better to me like this, thicker. What made her pissed is, I said "you know, you look better thicker, you look great with more meat on you, your ass and boobs are bigger now."
I kind of squeezed her when I said it. She looked like she wanted to kill me literally, she called me an asshole and now won't talk to me (been over a day). Telling me that I'm so insensitive towards her etc.
I'll be honest, I haven't apologized or anything or think I did anything wrong. I don't think I need to apologize. Yeah she's sensitive about her weight, but still.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
KNZa88CgmVlAqs3H4VQZeegmxeUQ9BZq
|
9u4644
|
{
"description": "kicking the shit out of a guy who beat up my sister",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for kicking the shit out of a guy who beat up my sister
|
My sister is severely autistic (15 yrs old) and was being bullied by a 13 yr old. At the time I was 12 and when my sister came home bloody my mom asked what happened I was at the time “friends” with the kid so I kicked him like 8 times and he fell and I knocked out a tooth
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
vYVbrFrEgvVFlk3s0mItvcwmbb36nd4z
|
b29i7w
|
{
"description": "thinking of complaining to my school about a bad geometry teacher",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for thinking of complaining to my school about a bad geometry teacher?
|
I’m a sophomore in high school, and I’m taking my second semester of geometry. After taking my first semester class with this teacher and barely passing, I’m over having to cram and put all my effort into it.
My teachers fairly old, and while she’s really sweet, I’ve literally heard nothing from people except “oh yea, she cant teach at all” or the occasional “yea, I understand the concepts, I just don’t listen to her and learn it myself”
I pay attention, I take notes, but when it comes to tests and even homework nothing makes sense. I would say this is just me having a learning deficiency except that almost everyone in my grade is having the same problem. My geometry teacher even talked to us in class about over half the grade having D’s or F’s, and how we should “pay more attention” and “do better”
I seriously don’t know what to do because I’m trying to enter a careerstart program next year and in order to do that I need to pass my classes. I’m currently failing with a 54%
I’ve been thinking about getting some people who I know are also complaining about this teacher to come with me to make a complaint. I don’t want to get her fired but I seriously don’t know what else to do. Almost nobody learns in her class and but I feel really bad about firing somebody her age.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
sflCCJJW7IqFyazckhL7UwIK61eyw1tN
|
b92a3c
|
{
"description": "wanting to go NC withaunt",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For wanting to go NC withaunt?
|
I have two aunts on my dads side and both are sort of old fashioned but the older of the two takes it to an extreme. When I was friends with her on FB I would constantly see homophobic or transphobic posts on her feed and then after I came out as queer were some posts about “accepting gay family” sprinkled in. She would constantly comment on posts of mine she disagreed with which is her right to do and I honestly wanted to block or unfriendly her but I’d be blamed for starting drama. One day she shared an article with very ignorant views and wrong information on top of being hella transphobic. I commented politely to let her know that the article had many problems with facts and one of her friends basically went on an ignorant rant about how wrong I was and lots of transphobic stuff. I tried being polite as possible but after an hour of back and forth I finally had enough, called the friend an asshole, and left it as that. Later on I was added to a group message on FB with my parents from my aunt saying I acted like a douche bag (her exact words) and she was unfriending me because of that. This happened a few years ago and now whenever she visits s for Christmas or Easter I’m guilted into going to see family knowing she’s there because my grandparents “won’t be around forever” (my mom’s go to) and to just ignore her. Last Christmas I was cordial and got her an ornament along with my other aunt and grandmother and she made a political comment she knows I strongly disagree with because she can’t keep well enough alone and my mother just tells me that I have to be the adult in the situation. There are many instances where she makes small homophobic comments during dinners and since it’s around my grandparents I don’t feel I can just tell her to shut up as I’m a “child” (over 21 at this point but I’m expected to respect my elders no matter what) I don’t have the mental or emotional energy to keep pretending I don’t want to scream or cry any time i see my aunt and very much would prefer to go completely NC with her but both of my parents guilt me by saying she’s family and that’s how she’s always been.
AITA for wanting to cut ties with her for my mental health and emotional well-being?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
7xoIaFcstvkeNpRX4fbf8Yw37a9YUAxy
|
b65xk6
|
{
"description": "not speeching at my grandaunt's funeral",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not speeching at my grandaunt’s funeral?
|
So a couple of days ago my grandaunt (the sister of my grandma) passed away at 98 years of age. My mom is shattered, since she has always been very close to her aunt and visited her about 3 times per week. So the past couple of days have been very rough and emotional for her.
Me (24F) and my brother (23M) on the other hand, didn’t see our grandaunt very often, probably once a year or even less. My grandaunt was a very complicated woman and she would criticize us a lot. She was also very religious and would regularly give us slack for not going to church (I’m an atheist). I therefore didn’t like her very much.
Because of her complicated persona and her old age, my grand-aunt didn’t have many friends or family. My mom is therefore arranging the whole funeral by herself. I will be surprised if more than 30 people show up tbh.
Anyways, my mom will be speeching and she asked me to do the same, since ‘I am the oldest’ and also because there will probably be no one else to give a speech. I refused, and told her that I wasn’t even close to my grandaunt and I cannot think of anything nice to say. My mom was very disappointed, and asked me if instead I wanted to read my grandaunt’s favorite poem at the funeral, and that ‘it would mean so much to her \[my mom\]’ if I did. She showed me the poem and it was *extremely* religious, talking about God and Jesus and about going to heaven, etc. I told my mom there is no way that I am going to read it, since it goes against some of my core beliefs and I would feel like a hypocrite if I would (not only because I’m not religious, but also because I just didn’t like my grandaunt).
Now my brother just called me a couple of hours ago, telling me that I should ‘stop being such a little bitch’ and just read the poem for my mom. He told me that mom feels very upset and also arranging the funeral on her own has been very rough for her, and that this is ‘the least I can do’ to show her that at least I care. I told him that ‘if I were dead I wouldn’t want someone I rarely knew to speak at my funeral’ and also that ‘instead of giving me a hard time you could also just offer to read the poem yourself, if you care so much’. But he counters that by saying that ‘mom specifically asked you’.
I really do not feel comfortable reading this weird religious piece of text at the funeral of someone I truly disliked, even though I know I’d make my mother extremely happy if I did. Am I being an asshole?
**TL; DR: Grandaunt (my grandma’s sister) passed away and my mom asked me to read my grandaunt’s favorite (very religious) poem on her funeral. I refused, because I am an atheist and because I generally just didn’t like the woman. Overreacting?**
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
5B8DFbEIEonWrUY2HAGQDrBNPV74zHdC
|
a5y85b
|
{
"description": "not investing enough time into my relationship",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not investing enough time into my relationship
|
Hey Reddit,
this will be a kind of long post and on mobile so i hope it won't be too bad to read because of formatting and stuff.
So I(m20) currently am in a tricky situation involving my girlfriend(f20). We used to be in the same class at college, but now she studies at the local University and I do my military service, so the only time really have any freetime is from friday afternoon to sunday evening. So she tries to do all her studying during the week so she has enough time for us on the weekends.
The problem is that me and my friends have a regular Dungeons and Dragons campaign on Saturday afternoon, in which I usually don't participate in 50% of the sessions since i really appreciate the effort she makes to spend more time with me.
So about 3 weeks ago she casually mentioned some kind of miniature car race event she'd like to watch with me, which i didn't decline but also didn't agree to. We've never talked about it again and i forgot about it because i suck at memorizing Dates (which is why we have a shared Calendar) until yesterday when she wrote the event into the Calendar, to which i replied that i already agreed to play Dungeons amd Dragons with my Friends because i already missed the last session.
So now she's pissed that she tries to do all her work during the week, which i totally understand, but on the other hand I think it should not be as big of a deal to "sacrifice" 6hours of our time together to play DnD with my friends.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
IVbqAPlqPOPgg6B5HPyekYrNVrlajiN8
|
aputk9
|
{
"description": "stepping back my relationship and explaining that I'm not ready to say 'I love you'",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for stepping back my relationship and explaining that I'm not ready to say 'I Love You' (After saying it already).
|
First time I've ever posted something like this so bear with me!
So for context my (long-distance) girlfriend and I have only been going out for a little over 3 weeks and today marks the first time we've really disagreed over anything and I think it's a little OTT. I really like her a lot but the relationship has moved too fast in one area for me;
Probably only a few days into the relationship she started saying 'I love you' and since I didn't really know how to play off of that, I just kind of said I loved her too. I think this was the big mistake I made and the reason why I think I might be the asshole here. Let me explain
Today we were talking (through texting) about how we thought we were getting on and we both agreed that we were going well. The only thing I mentioned was the fact that I was worried about the fact that we'd already been saying 'I Love You.' (As I told her, I never want any nice things I say to her to be disingenuous)
To me, 'I Love You' is like the best thing you can say to someone, but *no matter how I feel about her*, it would take some time before I was actually comfortable with saying it. When I say things like that I like to mean them and I always want to be genuine. She had already picked up that I was reluctantly saying 'I love you too'. I made it clear to her that I still feel the same about her as when I first asked her out, but she says that you should already be ready to say 'I Love You' if you're asking someone out.
She now has suggested that we take a break from the relationship until I'm ready to say it. (I probably never will be if this happens, I don't get how my feelings can develop further in this case). I told her we should talk about it on call later and she agreed. Results of this TBD.
I'm actually quite upset that she would want to take a break over something like this and it has really made me doubt the longevity of this relationship if I can't be honest. So I need to know if I'm being an insensitive ass and overlooking why she's as upset as she is. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
sQqXzjHuVu1fpA5uPryWs9S4wM2JDqaM
|
azgaue
|
{
"description": "telling a friend that I like her even though she already rejected me once",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for telling a friend that I like her even though she already rejected me once?
|
I have this long time friend, known her for around 7 or so years now. The last two years, we've become neighboors so we hung out a lot. Sometimes with a group, sometimes just the two of us.
Because of the oftenness of spending time with her, I've developed this crush. So a few months back, I told her I liked her and I was surgically rejected.
I cooled of for a couple of weeks (or maybe a month), and then we began hanging out regularly like before as if nothing even happened.
fast forward four or six months, I gave it a go again. I got the same answer.
I'd like to keep in touch with this friend even if she keeps rejecting me. I've come into terms that the chances of getting a romantic relationship with her is pretty slim, but I'd like to try and try until these feelings for her dry up because I thought that if I'm not gonna get what I want, I would feel less regret if I knew that I tried for it with all I have. Because if I give it my all, I would never think "what if I tried. what if I just threw away my pride and actually gave it my all".
The problem is, I've seen how uncomfortable she felt whenever rejecting me and I could see how guilty it made her feel. I know that I can take getting rejected over and over again, but I'm not quite sure if I'm being fair to her for always putting her on the spot, knowing how guilt eats this person up (she's always been this guilt driven person who is constantly too nice for her own good).
So yeah, am I the asshole for always putting my friend up to the unpleasant task of rejecting me just so that at the end of the day, I'd feel like I gave it my all and not regret anything?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
W8uEdhAtGRtHub1V2OiAs4uoKNN1bzFq
|
b19cac
|
{
"description": "yelling at this guy",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for yelling at this guy?
|
I was walking out of a Best Buy towards my car when I notice this guy standing right by my driver side door. I couldn't see what he was doing but I could see that his hands were raised to my window level, so he was clearly doing something to my car.
I don't know how much it matters, but I have PTSD, so I naturally get very defensive when I perceive potential danger (whether real or not). I ran towards him. His back was turned and there was enough ambient noise that he didn't hear me approach. Once I was behind him, I shouted "What the fuck are you doing to my car?" very loudly.
He jumped from being startled and spun around. I was blocking his path so he stepped to the side. He pointed to my window and I saw he had left some sort of flyer wedged in my car window. He wasn't breaking in like I had assumed. Either way though, I was still in a very tense mood. He started saying something about this business service that he and his wife recommend and then he began walking away.
I didn't bother looking at the flyer. I just pulled it off my window and dropped it on the ground. Yes, I know that's littering, but the way I see it, I'm not obligated to clean up other people's trash just because they put it on my car. After tossing it, I got into my car.
I wasn't looking at the man any longer as I put on my seatbelt and then started my GPS up. I turn to the left to look out the window and I see that same guy approaching my car again. I open the door and tell him to get the fuck away from me. He stops and then goes to stand on a grassy divider in the parking lot. He's still staring at me as I start my car up and pull out of my parking space. As I start to drive off, I see him walk back to the parking space and pick up the flyer I had taken off my car. I didn't know that was what he was planning to do, but even if I had, I still wouldn't have wanted to deal with him.
I know that I mistakenly interpreted his intentions as hostile and I reacted accordingly. Even though his actual intentions weren't what I had assumed, I still think he should keep his hands off other people's cars.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
GujOrxA5lHDTws2qhYzJ5IN2P8bJniM4
|
akjaug
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be around my boyfriend's bestfriends/roommates ever again",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be around my boyfriend's bestfriends/roommates ever again?
|
AITA for never wanting to see these people again?
I know I sound like a bitch but hear me out.
My boyfriend lives with his 5 best friends. They are all very close and share a lot of their lives with one another. I have a form of OCD called Dermatillomania that makes me compulsively pick my zits until they scab- gross, but it's something I work on. However, I'm really ashamed of it, and go to extreme lengths to hide it while I work to recover fully (I've made massive progress and am sure I'll kick it eventually.)
My boyfriend told all of the people he is living with.
This accompanies me saying I felt weird recently because they all were having long winded discussions about skin around me when I was in the room and it was always the one I suspected didnt like me.... he claimed they were unrelated. But now I found out today, like, confirmed, this girl hates me. And that my boyfriend DID tell all of them about my dermatillomania, yes. And I'm uncomfortable being around them because not only do they KNOW, they actively seem to be taking joy in trying to trigger me, and seem to think I'm problematic for having mental illness at all, and shouldnt be in his life. I'm glad he has friends he loves and I'm by no means saying he shouldnt be THEIR friend -- but am I wrong to not want to see them any more? Am I unrealistic? I dont want them analyzing every pimple and scab on my face every time I see them forever or feel like I have to put up with what I'm pretty sure is malicious to be accepted by the group.
Yes, I'm sad about the trust breach, but my bigger worry is that I'm the asshole if I say I truly cant see his friends again. At least this main group. Can we even date like that?
Please be gentle
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
5tl4bFzhAknv1XwEXQ8Vovo6Ful2gDI2
|
aqyu9l
|
{
"description": "saying I dont want to go on a vacation with my family",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for saying i dont want to go on a vacation with my family
|
Im 20 years old and live at home. But i pay amd have a little room and help around. But some days ago my mother called me and my sister to tell us she had planned and bought tickets for botj of us and her boyfriend. The thing is she didnt tell us about and i have an insane fear of planes plus ocd for dirtt stuff. So i would normally dwcline nicely if she asked, the problem is she got mad after i told her i didnt want to go. AITA
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
MECNh3KyrCgLAc54j6hmhCdpU0KP67v3
|
b34q1y
|
{
"description": "not giving her clothes that don't fit me",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not giving her clothes that don’t fit me?
|
Okay so let me start this off by saying that I am not super skinny I’m a medium in most stores large in some. Recently I’ve started following youtube diys of transforming clothes and such. And Sometimes I’ll even buy a 3x large tee and have my mom bring it in a few sizes so that it hits me at my knees.
I was in my local good will just browsing when I found this super cool tee shirt that had Spider-Man on it. It was a 3x so I knew it would fit me perfectly once my mom brought it in. However on my way to pay a rather large girl my age stopped me. (Call her B)
B: Are you going to buy that? *she points to my shirt*
Me: yeah I am.
I’m not stupid and I know she was eyeing so I try to walk past her but she steps in front of me
B: it wouldn’t even fit you why are you buying it!? It’s my perfect size and I couldn’t find anything else I liked here. Let me buy that shirt and I’ll help you find another one
Me: I’m going to have it altered. Sorry but I already have it and I’m going to buy it.
B: That’s not fair! Do you know how hard it is to find plus size clothes that aren’t expensive? Don’t be a bitch about it!
Honestly I was sympathetic a little bit before she called me a bitch. But it’s not my fault that stores charge more for more fabric. And I shouldn’t be the one to have to sacrifice for it.
I mention it in the gc with my friends and two of them said I should have just gave it to her and was being selfish. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
K9VGPInhGLVKwIPIvhpWnXQGa22FZZcI
|
aosohr
|
{
"description": "letting this girl down",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for letting this girl down
|
First time posting on Reddit. I'd have never imagined this being my first post but I'm really conflicted about this one.
I'm on holiday somewhere in South America. The first day here, I met a girl working in a coffee shop. I didn't notice her at first but then she asked me where I was from. This ended up in a really long conversation and me going to a party with her. Nothing to crazy until I tried some local "moonshine" and got fucked up. I remember she told me she was taking me back to her place, but ended up in my hotel (she says I refused to go).
During that conversation, she told me she will soon start working as a flight attendant and she's really interested in visiting my city. I told her she was more than welcomed. I travel a lot because of work so in a way, we would have seen each other pretty often.
I decided to spend my last two days here with her, since I've already seen most of the things i wanna see. We decided to do dinner on Thursday and then, the next day, I'd stay at her place and cook her something from my country.
Thursday comes around and we decided to meet in an Italian restaurant at 8. She showed up an hour late, completely drunk. We had dinner and went for a drink. During drinks she told me we couldn't go back to her place and that she just wanted to dance and then go home.
I was a little disappointed, but it was ok. She then proceeded to take like a hundred pictures of me, flirt, kiss me and dance around me like it was a lap dance. I was a little confused but decided to go with it.
I'm not gonna lie, I kinda developed a crush on her. I told her that and she told me she didn't believe, that she was ugly (her words, not mine), that I probably was controlling and an abuser (this one hurt the most, cause I would never do something like that) and, as the cherry on top, she started making fun of my culture.
Now, while I was really sad this happened, I understand that alcohol can make you do stupid things (boy do i know that), so I let it slide. She went back to her place and I went to my hotel. However, before that happened, she told there was other dude (fml, amirite?). She described him as everything she hated and thought I was, but she still liked him.
This last part made it for me. I was still sad, but decided I wasn't even gonna try anymore.
However, this morning, she sent me a bunch of videos and pics of us dancing and kissing. I don't even wanna see them. I told her maybe it was best we didn't meet today, and to not look for me while on my city (if there's something i hate more that dating, is being used)
I'll spare you the details, but she called all kinds of things and where can I stick my invitation.
Truth is, I really suck at dating, and I can sense when something is bound to fail, but sometimes I just go with it and hate myself later. Here I'm just trying to at least avoid a couple of sleepless nights. But I did promised her to show her around my city and a part me feels like I'm acting out of pettines.
Now, I know what you're thinking: how tf do you catch feelings for someone you just met a week ago?
Well, attraction for me (at least) is a tricky thing. I can spend months by myself, not attracted to anyone. Then, out of nowhere, someone shows up and turns my whole world around, so this is not the first time it happens. Results have been mixed and I know I should do something about that, but one problem at a time.
So, Reddit, AITA?
(Thanks for reading)
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
ZJP2YtlElnvN24VXbWLxJjwY1OIbSQJU
|
ayr839
|
{
"description": "not being upfront that I don't have allergies",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not being upfront that I don't have allergies?
|
I'm smelling enough shit in comment fields to check under my shoe here.
I don't eat almonds. I'm not allergic, but I don't eat them. Long story short, I used to eat them during something that landed me with PTSD that Automoderator doesn't approve of. Yes, I'm in therapy but there are more pressing issues than getting myself to eat almonds.
Yesterday one of the cafes I frequent changed their menu. It's the kind of place where they have stuff on display. Some of the new stuff looked good, but I had no clue what was in it. This is the first time it has been an actual problem for me, since I usually stick to the same few things, and it got me thinking.
I see a lot of people on reddit complaining about people without allergies/diagnosed intolerances wanting special food (mostly glutenfree things). I don't have any of those things. I asked about one of the things, the woman behind the counter didn't know and I ordered something else. She's definitely NTA.
I don't claim to be allergic, but I don't deny it either. My real reason is embarrassing and TMI. And I'm also one of those people asking about what stuff contains without having allergies/intolerances.
And this reason I'd be TA would include other assholes too, but what if my lack of (visible) reactions is something someone takes as "proof" that allergies are fake after assuming that I'm allergic? I don't want that to happen.
So, what's the verdict?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
B4Jjvgyk0Gpa9xUZYefLPcAL08Gi27VK
|
awm6rw
|
{
"description": "apologizing to someone face to face for cheating on them a long time ago",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA If I apologize to someone face to face for cheating on them a long time ago?
|
I am an asshole for cheating, I realize that and am incredibly remorseful of having done that.
About half a year ago, I cheated on someone, and after that we never really talked again. The cut was abrupt, and very much something I deserved.
Before high school ends, I would like to reach out to her and apologize. Would this be scummy? I'd like to know
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
sB03OpnaRId6lFbWPAnWT3t7O63lxUFf
|
b7d4le
|
{
"description": "asking my husband to stop looking at Instagram while I'm around",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if i asked my husband to stop looking at Instagram while I'm around?
|
For some context he almost exclusively follows big assed "models" who wear the bare minimum clothing so as to be within community standards. I'm fine with him doing this, but since it's practically porn I'd rather he didn't do it around me or other people. I would never pull up pornhub on my phone and look at men naked next to him because it's disgusting and should be private.
Am I the asshole?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
gS7JjzTz634CzDGSS9WI018cRqDwf0l1
|
ak94d6
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pick up the bar tab",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pick up the bar tab?
|
A group of friends and I were at a restaurant tonight. There were five of us total. After we were seated we all ordered a drink and looked over the menu.
After we placed our orders we all sat around making small talk over the chips and salsa (it was a Mexican restaurant) that were provided to us. I felt like the mood was a bit awkward, so I said “we should all do a shot”.
So when the waitress came by we flagged her down and everyone settled on a shot for the group to do. We got them and things really loosened up from there on out.
When the bill came I noticed the waitress put all five shots on my tab. They were $6 a piece and the $30 came to more than half of my tab.
So I told everyone “Hey, she made a mistake and put all the shots on my tab” and everyone called me cheap since the shots were “my idea” and I didn’t want to pay for them. The waitress had no problem revising the checks so that everyone got their own shot on their bill.
I didn’t force anyone to have a shot and I never said anything about paying. Also, nobody else bought any rounds. We all bought our own initial drink, food, and that was it. Nobody else offered to get another round of anything after the shots were done and we finished eating.
AITA or did people just not want to pay for their shots? I didn’t think suggesting some liquor to loosen things up would mean I had to pay for everyone.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
4zAhN8py7krvXq3uJKKXTT0hYmQqLQtd
|
9vrn0i
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend she cant get a tattoo",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend she cant get a tattoo? (Please read the context below)
|
AITA? My girlfriend (20) has always talked about getting tattoos (she doesn't have any). She's out with some friends, and I get a text saying she's in a parlor about to get a tattoo. I call her and ask her not to. She doesn't, and mentions she been planning this for a while.
If she would have told me beforehand I wouldn't have a problem with it.
What I'm frustrated with is the fact she didn't even feel like telling me until she was in the process of getting one. I cannot control her, it's her body and she can do what she wants with it, and I respect that. But shouldn't she at least inform me when she's planning on doing something like that TO her body? Not so that I can give her permission, but so that I can at least know?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 15
}
|
WRONG
|
EIOefh1vuiEiA5ZXiypxCFmVPH0tM9w5
|
aog2t4
| null |
AITA Workplace Harassment Training
|
We had workplace harassment training a while back with a heavy focus on sexual harassment. All of the examples of harassment involved a woman getting harassed by a man or men. A male raised their hand asking why there were no examples of women harassing men. This caused an uproar of men complaining about this. Everyone had comments afterwards about how the training was unrepresentative and unfairly only had examples of men harassing women. They also insisted that there are a ton of sexual harassment cases where women harass men.
I'm a male and found this completely appalling. I really don't believe that the are nearly as many cases of women harassing men as there are mentioned harassing women. It's a male dominated workplace FYI. I think it's being selfish thinking that the training was biased and completely not understanding of what women go through. These are the kind of people that cause sexual harassment to be accepted and ignored.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 11
}
|
WRONG
|
PzgsaHRaTWv15CUsQoeAyDlAyGLHyPd5
|
awi5g1
|
{
"description": "refusing to work mondays",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to work Mondays?
|
Some background, I work in a small store that is part of a major industry. It's half retail and half physical labor, and recently we got a new Manager here at the store. Let's call him M, and besides M and myself we have one other full time employee, I am part time *just* below full time. Basically I work enough hours to be there enough to live, but just little enough that the company doesn't have to give me benefits.
Now, before M showed up we had a previous Manager with whom myself and my co-worker had no issues with at all. Previous Manager kept enough jobs moving through where we would hit bonuses and all around do fine monetarily. But i was asked to work Saturdays solo, since they both had newborns in the home.
This was fine with me, I jumped at the chance to get that 9 hour shift. The flip side of this is that I was off on Mondays, and over time Sunday and Monday became my days to take a breather. Before long, Mondays specifically became my time to go to CMA meetings in support of one of my close friends, who is recovering. This specific fact never came up with co-worker/ex-boss because, well, they never had any issue with me being off Mondays so I went about my business.
Fast forward to a few months later, old boss leaves the company, new guy moves in. Things begin to change in terms of, well there's more for us to do. I take on more duties (for no extra pay or hours, though they say "you should've been doing this anyways), and the new boss who is money driven, damn near doubles the amount of physical work we do in the store. We work with paint, so we shift probably 8,000 gallons in a week, sometimes less, sometimes more.
One thing he consistently begins bringing up to me is having me work Mondays. I've refused flat out multiple times, for two reasons;
1: I'm going to support my friend, no matter what. This guy was there for me in a big way before he fell on hard times, so I will return the favor.
2: I would be working 6 days a week, with no extra hours at all.
See, he can't get approval for me to technically work more. So he wants to spread my hours out across the week so I'm there more days, same pay, less days off. It's gotten to the point where when I come back on Tuesdays, he'll say "me and [co-worker] did x amount of work yesterday, because you didn't want to come in to work." Like he's guilt tripping me for having days off.
I'm still the only one who works Saturdays, alone. Beyond this, there is a boss above him, who has even said (to the new manager, as advice about me/this, and I heard about it) that my "days off aren't a garuntee." Which is just...disgusting, to me.
Am I the asshole for refusing to do this? Also, I have talked with my co-worker, (with whom I helped keep the store open during the two week no manager period while the new guy was getting hired), and they have no issue with me being off Mondays.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 10,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
kjFlsyAA3tw5TqdGiULuw59HT2jlx129
|
afs7wo
|
{
"description": "no longer liking my brother",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for no longer liking my brother?
|
My brother is 19 going on 20 and is not employed, enrolled in any schools/training. Through out highschool all he did was smoke weed and bring stress to our family, he’s never shown ambition to do anything great. After highschool he tried to go to community college, and went for one semester before dropping out. Our parents are great and have done everything for us, they’ve provided a great foundation for us to succeed but he constantly sets himself up for failure. In highschool all he did was slack off, he was one of the “stoner kids” he didn’t get into any real trouble tho, but he never made any real friends. He always thought everyone at our school was just assholes and everyone was against him. It’s been a year now since he dropped out of college, and the only attempt he made at getting a job failed miserably after realizing working at a coffee shop was too hard for him. He has no sense of etiquette at the dinner table and has zero social skills. He doesn’t understand the concept of showering and shaving everyday, all he does is sit around, play runescape and eat food. He’s out on a solid 40 pounds since the summer. He constantly takes things from me and bursts into my room asking me to play games with him, even though he knows I’ve actually got important stuff going on and I can’t just spend all my time playing xbox. And what’s worse is that he and my parents act like I owe him my time and that I need to spend time with him because he “has trouble being social.” Why should I have to spend time with the loud, slob of my brother that is only ever in it for himself?
Am I the asshole wanting my brother out of my life?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
dSnRteVNazFgwExIBdbhqP0o88b0Lk06
|
aayffj
|
{
"description": "telling a student to quit complaining about an a",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for telling a student to quit complaining about an A
|
I've been a High School English III teacher for a few years and haven't had any problems until this year. I have my classes do a project called Poetry Out Loud right before the holiday break. The whole thing is about memorizing a poem with 30+ lines and reciting it with emotion after around two months of preparation. This is done to help them with public speaking. So during one of my classes, three girls all recited the same poem. They all did great, but one of them didn't fill the room with her voice. The final scores were 98%, 98%, and 93%. After entering their scores in my online grade book, the girl with the lower score came to me and asked why she got a lower score. I explained to her that her voice wasn't commanding and didn't fill the room. That apparently wasn't good enough of an answer and she kept pushing. I told her that she got an A so she shouldn't be complaining. She then preceded to cry and run out of my class (this was during the lunch break, so she wasn't being disruptive). Was I the asshole, or was the girl overdramatic?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
uhTlMlMYp3718JFdrjyJSzmyut0Slf7l
|
a9rkuy
| null |
AITAH? Don't want to use cabin as a free hotel
|
So I was gifted the family cabin. Unfortunately before I was my brother lived there with his family and absolutely TRASHED it. Broken windows, floor ruined from not cleaning up after their car, cabin and yard filled with their abandoned furniture (now ruined by the elements).
I tried my best to clean up after him. I rented a trailer and took a lot of it to the dump but it's still in bad shape. The refrigerator is broken, the water heaters finicky, his stuff still clutters the yard and cabin. There's a rat problem. The kitchen faucet needs to be replaced, the toilet swapped out, the steps are broken. Just more than I can do on my own right now.
I do occasionally take friends up there, but we consider it a step up from camping.
So my dad asked if my expatriate uncle could stay at the cabin while he was in town for a school reunion in June. At first I said no, and then I rethought that maybe my brother and I could get it livable for a weekend. It'd be rough, but hey it's free, right?
Well now my uncle has sent a mass email proposing a family reunion with my dad's large side of the family. It turns out that he's going to be staying for about a month and plans on using the cabin as his "base of operations". My dad's side of the family is real judgmental and gossipy. They are not people I would intentionally spend time with.
No one told me any of this when I was asked. I do not want a family reunion held at my cabin.
I sent my uncle an email explaining that the cabin would not be comfortable for an extended period of time and revoking the invitation.
I also sent my dad an email explaining that I had thought the visit was just for a weekend and that the cabin wasn't viable for a long stay.
I'm also annoyed that my dad didn't have my uncle ask me directly so I'd know what the plans actually were.
AITAH for taking back the invitation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
JFGozKCSFyl0MaOBqo9deASCXphxnWjk
|
b2msfn
|
{
"description": "taking my graphics card back from my brother",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for taking my graphics card back from my brother?
|
A few weeks ago, a friend updated their computer with a newer GPU (Graphics Processing Unit), and they gave me their old one so I could work on building my own computer. I had some other parts, but long story short my new computer didn't work, and I put the GPU back into it's packaging.
My current PC isn't built for gaming, and so it's unable to play a couple games that my friends and I like. I've been using my brother's computer, but before he let me use it I've always made sure I had his permission. I've let him know what games I have downloaded, and I've not done anything to it without his OK.
Recently, he's been trying to build another computer to act as a server. When I was working on my failed computer project, I told him he could use my current GPU, because I would be using my newer one. Servers dont really do anything graphics heavy, so an older GPU would work fine for building it. Of course my PC project fell through, so I still have to use my older graphics card in my current PC.
Cut to today, and I'm using his computer. I notice on his desk a few pieces to the packaging for my newer GPU, so I take a look around. I notice that he has installed my new card into the server PC he's building. He didn't ask my permission, he didn't even tell me about this. I would have been fine with him using my card, but he didn't even let me know he was using it. After I removed it from the server PC I texted him and told him that he could "get his own fucking graphics card," and he told me to get off of his computer.
TL;DR: My brother took my graphics card and used it for a computer he was building. I wasnt currently using the card and would have let him use it if he asked, because he lets me use his gaming PC. He didn't ask to use it though, so I took it out and said some rude things over text. He seems to have responded by not letting me use his computer anymore.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
37EkrkaHslPbtzK1iWNqgRm0XhFSzmLj
|
a3x644
|
{
"description": "dumping my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For dumping my girlfriend
|
I had been with my girlfriend for almost 8 months, but we have known eachother for years, as we grew up together. Throughout her life she's had massive problems with depression and anxiety.
When we were friends, that is to say before we dated, she and I never argued. We were pretty good friends and talked frequently, she got with another bloke (I didn't have a problem with this at the time) and told everyone that she was happy... what she told me in private is how he was a sexually abusive sociopath that gave her night terrors. I tried to get her to leave him and she inevitably stopped talking to me because of it.
Fast forward a year and I decided to message her again to see how she is, turns out she dumped him a few months after we stopped talking. So we started talking again and eventually our friendship grew into a kind of relationship without actually saying so. We made it official a little after the first kiss.
During the beginning months I was with her, she was charming, funny and knew what to say in all the situations. But we would argue. Not often, about once a month, but after a few months they got a lot more frequent. Around the 4 month mark she started to agree to go on dates, then make an excuse not to go (ex. "Im ill", "I'm on my period" etc), now I wouldn't have minded if this wasn't a regular thing, but it got to the point where we made plan for a date, we would get all ready to meet up, and then she would literally just say "im too tired sorry" every single time.
When I tried to talk to her about it she would burst out into tears and say how she doesn't know why she is so tired all the time, or ill. Then she would threaten to break up with me, saying how she is quote "no good for anyone" and basically force me to say "No you're amazing" or something along those lines. It got so bad that she once sent a message saying "we're over" then blocked me for 4 hours, just before unblocking me to say "we are completely done, no matter what you say". And then bait me into fighting for her.
The final straw was a few days before the break up. We had been planning to go away on this 3 day holiday to visit my dad. I was paying for the whole trip and we would be in our own flat. This was 3 months planning bearing in mind. We had been planning this for 3 bloody months. The day before we were meant to leave, she came round to my house and stayed for the night after us having an argument because she was "feeling too sick" to do it at all. I suggested that she just come round for the night and see how she is in the morning. When the morning actually came she said how she "wasn't ready for a big trip like this with a boy". Now, I could understand this, if it wasn't for the fact that the 'trip' was a 20 minute train journey, and she had stayed the night before with me. She went home and I left for the few days. After I got back she spoke to me about once a day for a few minutes. When I finally worked up the courage to ask why she said how talking to me is a chore and too much effort, so I just said I can't do this anymore sorry but its over, then I blocked her.
Now what you have to understand is that my mind would be clear about this, and I would be guilt free - if it weren't for the fact that I promised her multiple times how I would always stay with her no matter what, and how I'm not like her ex (the sociopath). I promised that I'm wasn't using her like he did.
TL;DR my girlfriend had an abusive ex that kind of messed her up and I broke up with her because she couldn't be bothered to do anything with me like dates or such.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
HAXgMnJE2bboQyaaCMB8W4H4vhykdajT
|
akj50m
|
{
"description": "\"breaking up\" the family over a lottery ticket",
"pronormative_score": 59,
"contranormative_score": 191
}
|
AITA for "breaking up" the family over a lottery ticket?
|
Yesterday was my little brother's birthday, so my mom organized a little party only including our direct family and her brother's. My sister has been very distant from the family ever since she left home for university. However, whenever she does come home for someone's birthday or Christmas, she always drops off a couple of lottery tickets as presents before she heads off on her way.
My brother scratched off one of his tickets, and got a match. He wasn't too excited because we have won a few times over the years, but only actually got $5 max. He asked me to go out and redeem it because he wasn't 18 yet, and I was initially reluctant because we live out of town and the closest lotto is 30 minutes away. I told him I would go if he gave me half of what he won, and he agreed.
I left to redeem the ticket, and I ended up winning $500, cash in hand. I was fucking stoked and rushed back home. When I told him and showed him the money, he was ecstatic. I handed $250, then he looked at me and said "What the fuck." I asked him what was wrong and he told me to hand over the rest. After I tried to explained to him that we made a deal, he started getting mad and throwing a little tantrum. I tried reminding him that I spent almost $200 getting him one of those authentic football jersey of his favourite player, Neymar, but he was having none of it.
The rest of the family came over to find out what all of the ruckus was about, and my brother told our mom that I stole his money. I tried again to explain the situation, but he kept interrupting me and screaming that it was his lottery ticket, and his money. Our mom, stepped in and said that said that if we can't sort it out then she'll just take it, as she snatched it out of my brother's hands before attempting to do the same to me. I dodged her attempt and told her again that we made a deal, before she told me to give it. I yelled "fuck this" as I left and drove back to my college dorm a couple hours from home.
After I got to my dorm was getting texts from my mom, brother, and a couple cousins telling me to come back home, or just saying that I was acting like a dick. I ignored everyone, but when I got a text from my sister (who I haven't really talked to for almost a year) which said "I heard you won some money from my ticket", I just replied with "lmao, fuck off".
So, am I really in the wrong for keeping half the money?
TLDR: My brother won $500 off his lottery ticket after we agreed that we would split it 50/50. Now that he knows how much the ticket is worth, he wants to keep all of it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 168,
"OTHER": 59,
"EVERYBODY": 23,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 59,
"WRONG": 191
}
|
WRONG
|
e7Gt1tKC2DcK2OTUZrXzHHTIrrq2LnbQ
|
b3rseb
|
{
"description": "not wanting my daughter to get a nose job",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 41
}
|
AITA for not wanting my daughter to get a nose job
|
My ex and I are supposed to make medical decisions together and split the cost. My ex recently informed me that my daughter needed a nose job for a “deviated septum.” I think it’s absurd to get cosmetic surgery for a kid in high school. Her nose is big but it’s not ridiculous looking or anything. My ex made me come to the doctor and the doctor said our daughter needs it, but she’s been fine for the last 16 years. So I told my ex that we are going to get a second doctors opinion, but I’m not paying for it because I’m not the one who wants this done. My ex told me that this will be pursued in court and called me an ass for not prioritizing my daughters needs. AITA for not wanting my daughter to get cosmetic surgery at 16?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 41,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 41
}
|
WRONG
|
etQZX5vmUsTjjkls9oA9wTNjWGvcC6JB
|
b6sp22
|
{
"description": "asking compensation for something that was lost",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for asking compensation for something that was lost?
|
Okay, so I was caught using a rubik’s cube in class (which was not allowed) then the teacher confiscated it then gave it to an administrator. This administrator promised me I get it back march (at the end of the year) but now march is about to end and she can’t find it and suspects someone took it from her office (the rubiks cube is a gan air sm which costs $50). It is also states in my school handbook that confiscated items will be returned to students at the end of the year. WIBTA if I asked her to pay for the cube she lost? I want to ask compensation from her because it was her responsibility to keep my rubiks cube safe and she failed to do so.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
QXXFKfWtivY5iyylpNZOFg7B72LHhRqz
|
avz02k
|
{
"description": "letting my gf believed I only cheated once when it was actually multiple times",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 18
}
|
AITA for letting my gf believed I only cheated once when it was actually multiple times?
|
So I (27M) was dating this girl (25F) for about a year or so, and I really loved her. I was really struggling with drugs & alcohol, and one night while under the influence I slept with someone else. It actually happened several times over a few weeks. I didn't tell her right away, but when she did find out she told me she was breaking up with me unless I got help for my addiction. I refused at first, and she broke up, and I went on a four day bender. At the end of it, I went back to her and apologized and told her I knew I needed help and she forgave me and supported me through getting the help I needed. She also only believed it had happened once. Since I was essentially begging for forgiveness, correcting her felt like shooting myself in the foot and it also felt like a moot point.
​
Fast forward two years--she found out it was more than one time. She is livid. I understand her point of view, but I also understand mine. She's saying our whole relationship is built on a lie--but if she can forgive one time cheating, is it so different if I did it many times? To be clear, I understand it was terrible, but it was also a horrible and dark time in my life that I'm unbelievably glad to be out of. AITA for not telling her from the start?
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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a6ov88
| null |
AITA New Years Eve plans
|
So its my last year living in Europe before heading back to the states and really want to go to Amsterdam for NYE instead of staying local. The issue is my GF has to work on NYE and wouldn't be able to make the trip being its 6 hours away. Would I be an asshole to go to Amsterdam with some friends instead of staying local with her?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "getting mad at a friend and ending the friendship because of how much time he spends on schoolwork",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 11
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|
AITA for getting mad at a friend and ending the friendship because of how much time he spends on schoolwork?
|
To make this easier, I’ll come up with a name, let’s just call him Jim.
He’s an online friend the same age as me, and we’re both from Britain, and this year our year group has some really “important” exams. Thing is, my friend seems to be studying or doing homework *all the time*, he has maybe an hour free time every day which I find ridiculous because I have many other friends my age from my country and while they’re all mostly revising and doing work, it’s not like its completely invading their life, and I still get to see them and hang out for longer than hour intervals, y’know?
As well as this, I have a very big vendetta against the school system in this country, and he is well aware of this. Because of school and the way it works, as a person with aspergers, I have struggled immensely. I don’t know if trauma is the right word, but because of incidents with schools I’ve developed depression and anxiety. I can’t talk to any teachers or even consider home tutoring, let alone schooling because it causes me to have a panic attack and I just break down.
Jim knows all of this, yet if I ever criticise the school system or suggest it’s less than good, he gets annoyed. I’ll just say something like “It’s stupid how much homework they give you” and he’ll get defensive. If I ever mention the school system is harmful he gets mad and says it’s not and that it’s all just me, and my fault for “being lazy and not doing what I’m told”.
I’ve asked him multiple times to please just stop talking to me about his school problems because it leaves a bad taste in my mouth and because if I ever dare criticise the fact he’s tasked with so much work he gets upset. I have lots of other friends who know I hate school and avoid bringing it up often so I don’t feel uncomfortable, but it seems to be the only thing Jim ever talks or thinks about anymore.
We had a big argument a week ago because he was going on about exams again and I said that the people who run the schools are stupid or assholes or something like that. I don’t know if he agrees with me but is too prideful to admit he’s bending over backwards for a shit cause, or if he genuinely doesn’t see any problems because he has no problems, despite the statistics of school related depression rising.
I told him “I don’t want to talk to you anymore” and blocked him. He’s said nothing, despite being blocked for a week and me apparently being one of his closest friends. I’ve suspected sometimes that he doesn’t have so much work and that he just doesn’t want to talk to me but he convinced me it was just anxiety telling me that, but it seems clear he doesn’t care now so maybe I was right. I don’t know.
Am I justified in my anger, or am I overreacting? I just don’t want him to devalue everything thats happened to me just because *he* can fare well at school, and I want him to respect that I don’t want to talk about school anymore.
|
HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "asking the pizza delivery guy go back for a soda",
"pronormative_score": 114,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for asking the pizza delivery guy go back for a soda?
|
The other day I ordered a couple pizzas, some pasta, and a 20oz soda for me and my siblings..The delivery came and I got everything except for the soda was missing.
I was really craving that soda so I was a bit annoyed and called back the place to let them know it was missing. I asked for them to drive back the one soda and the woman seemed pretty annoyed and said “Sorry we don’t do that, have a good night” and hung up. I never got the soda or a refund.
AITA for asking?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend over her keeping x-rated photos of her and her ex",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend over her keeping x-rated photos of her and her ex?
|
My girlfriend and I have been together for one year. We were really close friends for two years, however she had a boyfriend during that time who she, according to her, felt stuck with and was neither emotionally, physically or mentally attracted to anymore. She ended up leaving him for me, constantly assuring me that she was over him months prior and that she felt nothing of the breakup. I knew this wasn't 100% the case but tread carefully anyway and let her lead the relationship.
Over the last year, our relationship has become a bit emotionally and mentally abusive, with many red flags that we've been trying to work out. Mainly things like jealousy, gaslighting, being possessive etc on her behalf, towards me. Last Saturday, I couldn't handle the fighting anymore so decided to end the relationship. She didn't take it well and insisted that she was going to do anything to win me back. We'd been working through things during the week, until Wednesday when I did the stupid thing.
I was suspicious that she was hiding something from me on Instagram. I knew she had her old phone in our house, so I did what any rational, trusting person would do (duh) and I charged the stupid thing up to have a snoop. I hadn't even gotten to Instagram before noticing her gallery app being an open tab, and noticing the photo currently open in the app. This led me to finding a folder of about 50 or so very x-rated photos of her having sex with her ex boyfriend.
As traumatic as that is in any circumstance, I understand that people have histories and things like this are likely to exist at some point. I'm personally completely against things like this, but can appreciate why people enjoy it.
My issue here is that she used this phone to contact me for 2 months before upgrading to a newer model. When I asked why she didn't just delete the folder when we started dating, she told me she had forgotten that it existed. There were certainly 5 different occasions which she accessed this folder while we were together, while she was telling me she loved me, that she wanted a future with me and would never do anything to jeopardize our relationship or my trust in her.
After some pressing, she finally admitted that she kept it because, 2 months in to us, she thought she still loved her ex. However, has since retracted, and now keeps telling me that the photos were "average" and "normal couple photos", that the whole thing is stupid and that I'm completely overreacting and trying to find an excuse to leave the relationship.
Am I the asshole here?
Tl;dr - I found out my girlfriend was keeping a folder of her own pornography on a phone she used while dating me, claims she forgot they existed despite sending me photos from the folder on 5 different occasions.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "not wanting to help my dad",
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|
AITA for not wanting to help my dad?
|
Obligatory, this is a throwaway.
I have been avoiding my dad at all costs. He calls almost 3 times a week and sometimes more.
The reason I avoid him is because I think I've been hurt enough by him. I have a difficult relationship with him. He was Jekyll and Hyde growing up. He rarely physically hit me, but he had no issue beating on my mom since I could remember, I would step in and he'd stop. They are separated now. He has a problem with alcoholism. He was also a good dad. He was openly affectionate and spoiled us when we were growing up. I think he tried his personal best.
He has psychological issues. To give you an idea of some of the stuff he'd do, I used to go out on walks at night. Maybe around 8 and I wouldn't go to far, just a few blocks down to a nearby park. I'd listen to music. I get that it's odd, but it was calming for me. My dad told me I was a prostitute.
I struggled with severe chronic depression during my late teens. My dad would constantly tell me that it was all in my head and that what I had was laziness.
I realize that he didn't understand my illness and in his own way he tried to help. But he made matters worse and yelled at the doctors for prescribing me antidepressants following my mental breakdowns.
I learned a lot from him, from his mistakes, and from our conversations together. I know I need more therapy to work through this.
I stopped needing my parents' help financially when I moved away to college. Anything I've asked of them since then, I've paid back. My dad's business closed down when the property owner decided to sell his property. My dad rented the space for his business. My dad struggles with paying rent and for his own basic necessities.
My brother lives with him and pays most of their bills, while my dad gets a few customers here and there that know him from when he had his business. I've given him some money and he's grateful for it, but he keeps wanting more. My oldest sister and my brother help him out the most. My second oldest sister and I do give from time to time.
I call him on his birthdays and for Father's Day to wish him well. However, I ignore most of his calls when he calls.
I know he's ill and his years of alcoholism have affected his illness to a higher degree. I don't know if I've forgiven him, sometimes I think I have, but other times I think I haven't.
My brother and oldest sister have asked me to contribute more money to help him. I reluctantly agreed. I don't want to help him. I don't know if that's justified and I feel extreme shame and guilt. I don't want my siblings to struggle with helping him either.
I don't think I can mentally handle talking to him right now. I think I've run out of patience for my dad. I don't hate him or wish him ill will. I just don't want anything to do with him now. I feel selfish.
Am I the asshole for not wanting to help my dad in his time of need?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b6pofz
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{
"description": "asking my mom to bring me pizza when she flies in",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for asking my mom to bring me pizza when she flies in?
|
My mom is coming to help me out towards the end of my pregnancy. She'll be here on Monday.
Today we were talking about my hometown's pizza that I love and can't get anywhere else, and I just really decided that I'd like some and asked her to bring it.
She wasn't mad, but was laughing hilariously and told me no, because where would she put it?
Instead of just letting it go, I kept telling her where she could put it (checked bags, her purse, etc.). She adamantly refused to put pizza in her purse. (I was recommending it in a ziploc baggie, obviously not just loose in there...)
I know the consequences here aren't as high as in a lot of posts, but AITA??
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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aic12w
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{
"description": "taking a job only as a stopgap until the job I want opens",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I took a job only as a stopgap until the job I want opens?
|
Background: I work for myself, but contract work has dried up and I have been effectively unemployed and living off my savings for the last 18 months.
I interviewed for Job 1, and am super-enthused about it. They made me an offer, which I'm very happy with, but the job won't start for 90 days or more.
I interviewed for Job 2 around the same time, and I am quickly moving through their hiring process, and expect an offer any day now. I am less enthused about the work at Job 2, but I would still give my absolute best. Job 2's salary range is well below what I usually make and about half the offer, but as I am burning through my savings, I felt I should move through the interview process anyway.
WIBTA if I take the offer from job 2 just as a stop gap until the first job opens in 3+ month? On the one hand, it feels unethical. On the other hand, I have a family to provide for, and I would be doing the job they're paying me to do in that time frame.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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aoiium
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{
"description": "being pissed off at my ex for sending me presents with a note saying \"early Valentine's day present\"",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being pissed off at my ex for sending me presents with a note saying "early Valentine's day present"
|
So me and my ex recently had broken up. Within the last month or so. I told him from the very beginning when he asked if we could still be friends, that I needed space and I needed time to get over him. He begged me not to block him and that he would not message me. Well that was a damn lie. He's been in contact with me almost every other day. Going between acting supportive and like he wants to help (I have a lot of medical issues and with that and this break up, depression and suicidal thoughts have been at an all time high) and then acting like a jerk (being passive aggressive. Telling me the Playboy smash tournament (which was part of the reason we broke up because I wasn't wanting to go with him. But even said I didn't care if he went alone) was on and that he was excited to go.) I asked him Everytime to respect my boundaries. I started just ignoring the messages because I didn't want to block him, I didn't want to be an asshole ex and didn't want him to worry about my health. Eventually I got tired of him liking all my posts so I set my account to private but didn't block him. He noticed right away. He texted me about it and I did not respond. Two days later I get a package in the mail. Well several actually. Inside was a self help book for depression, a sunflower hat and sunflower jewelry (I love sunflowers) and a set of expensive bath bombs. I didn't order any of it but it was in my name and it was all stuff I've looked at in the past. Inside was several notes. One said that he hopes this helps relax me. One said that he still cares about me and wants me to be happy. And the last said "an early Valentine's day present". This came with the earrings. I was, beyond pissed off. He wanted this break up and here he is not respecting my boundaries. I went off on him and told him how fucked up it was to step up to this level just because I wasn't replying to him. He apologized and said he didn't mean it to be mean but that he felt bad and wanted something to make me smile. I don't believe it. He's not a bad guy by any means (well. He doesn't know how to handle emotions. He'd often laugh when I was hysterical and having panic attacks and call me ridiculous) but mostly wasn't too bad. But then he messaged my best friend. We were hanging out together and she posted on her story, a video of me watching TV while eating food. They had never talked before and weren't really friends. He threw a fit about me following his friends still, so I unfollowed them. Only to find that he still follows my friends. I went off. I exploded. Probably was an asshole and just told him everything I've been feeling and how much it's been hurting me and that now we can never be friends because he doesn't respect my boundaries. I blocked him on everything (he got mad and blocked me on a bunch of stuff first when I said I was sorry and that I would have to block him, because that's just who he is I guess). Was I the asshole for yelling at him? I just felt so much anger and needed him to know how badly this was hurting me and how much harder it was making this process. I feel like a jerk for getting mad and yelling at him (my idea of yelling is mostly just not holding back my emotions, which was just actually sadness about the situation). Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "complaining to my apartment building that it takes them too long to check-in packages to the mail room",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I complained to my apartment building that it takes them too long to check-in packages to the mail room?
|
I'm probably just really impatient, but if I pay for same-day shipping on Amazon if starts to get frustrating.
Basically all packages get dropped off to the front desk of my apartment building when they are delivered. They are then checked in by the one front desk employee into the system and placed into a mail room. To get your package you ask the front desk person for it, and they retrieve it from the mail room.
Sometimes at night or on the weekends the packages get dropped off and then sit in the hall behind the desk for 2-4 hours until the front desk person has time to enter them all and place them into the mail room.
It get's frustrating because I can see my packages have been delivered, and I can see them sitting in the hallway; but I am not allowed for them to give them to me or I cannot grab them and then show them they are my packages.
So I just have to sit and wait while my packages sit there before I can grab them.
It always seems to be 1-2 employees that take forever to enter package and deal with them. The others do it within 30 mins of them being delivered or just grab your stuff out of the pile.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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{
"description": "refusing to acknowledge my boyfriends two best friends or allow them around our child",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for refusing to acknowledge my boyfriends two best friends or allow them around our child?
|
Backstory: I’m 5 months pregnant. S/O and I are extremely happy and excited, although a little insecure because we don’t have much money and we just aren’t as stable as people would like. He has two roommates who are married and ever since they found out I was pregnant, they’ve been downright mean to me. They say they “don’t believe in procreation” and they keep saying the baby is a bad idea and then that I’m going to be a terrible mother, etc etc. Well this all came to a boil a few weeks ago and I finally said something along the lines of “you don’t even know me, please don’t judge me and please stop talking shit about me to my boyfriend”. Some more cruel stuff was said. And they banned me from going over there to see my boyfriend because “pregnant people make them uncomfortable” and they called me toxic.
I know I’m not the easiest to get along with, but talking about my kid and my ability to parent kinda sent me off the edge. Now I think my boyfriend feels stuck between me or them and I’m starting to feel like the asshole.
I just don’t want that kind of mean, biased negativity around my little one. But am I going about it wrong and turning myself into the asshole instead of them?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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WRONG
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aof4ml
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{
"description": "washing my cat's bowls in the kitchen sink",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for washing my cat's bowls in the kitchen sink?
|
My housemate says she doesn't feel comfortable using the kitchen sink cos she knows I wash my cat's food bowls in it. I got a different sponge to wash them with and thought that was a good compromise but she still wasn't appeased. I don't see what the problem is if I'm using detergent, not leaving any trace of cat food, plus using a kitchen sponge. She wants me to do it in the laundry sink but I don't really wanna do that. (I have a bad back and it's a deep sink)
We have now agreed that I'm going to get a tub and wash them in the backyard. But now I'm not happy cos that's not very convenient, it's a hassle to be filling a tub and carting it outside. So am I the asshole for washing my cat's bowls in the sink? I've never had anyone else say they have an issue with this but she reckons all the people she knows feel the same as she does.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
amt3wx
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{
"description": "not being interested",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not being interested?
|
I recently got a nice surprise by way of finding out I have living relatives. Two brothers I never knew about and a mother I haven't seen in 40 years. I've talked to my brothers a bit and it's been equal parts amazing and awkward. That is up until the other night.
My youngest brother and I were both given to our respective fathers to raise while our middle brother stayed with mom. Last night #2 told us we should contact mom and that's where things got weird. #3 is all about it but me not so much.
#3 doesn't understand why I wouldn't want to at least meet her. But #2 is pissed at me for even suggesting that I didn't think it was a good idea. I can understand his frustration, and I'm sure she had her reasons, but I just can't picture this going well.
So, AITA for not wanting to meet the woman that brought me into this world?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a54okg
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{
"description": "telling my gf to leave her friend at a hotel/casino",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my GF to leave her friend at a hotel/casino?
|
My GF and I just got woken up to her friend blowing up her phone for a ride home. Her friend met some random at a bar earlier and took off to the casino with him. Her friend does this kind of thing all the time, and she has no license or car. This was my one night this week to be home with my gf cuz of our work schedules. Her friend bailed on the guy she met and called until we woke up pleading for a ride home cuz she has no money for a cab. My gf goes thru this 2 or 3 nights a week and doesn't think she's being taken advantage of. I even offered to go get her tonight cuz the roads are snowy, but her friend toldher she doesn't feel comfortable with me driving her. I've never made an advance towards her or given her any reason to be distrust me. I only offered cuz my gf has to work at 6am and I'm off today. Am I wrong for telling her before she left to just leave her there and make her get a hotel room? My gf is pissed I even suggested her leaving her friend hanging.
Sorry if the thought process jumps around, its 1:15am and I'm sitting here half asleep waiting to make sure my gf makes it home safe.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
RWprGdtpGC1ine0hjEXZFfhHLnTLFHZt
|
agmhor
|
{
"description": "not shoveling my sidewalk",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not shoveling my sidewalk?
|
Every year it snows and my neighbors have been very good at shoveling the sidewalk on front of their houses. I used to do it too but noticed we almost never failed to get freezing rain right afterwards, creating slippery sidewalks and dangerous walking conditions.
This year it snowed again and I'm the only one who didn't shovel my portion of the sidewalk. Partly because I got lazy, partly because I'm not sure if it is even a good idea. Turns out we got freezing rain the next day and now walking on the sidewalk is a hazard everywhere . . . except on front of my house since there is still snow.
​
AITA for thinking that snow is safer to walk on than ice?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
IFa0EzBpaOh2XBMXCh4fbcuwSAlPY9Q1
|
b4o90i
|
{
"description": "demanding they deliver the correct order",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I demand they deliver the correct order?
|
Just ordered 2 veggies subs and a large salad. Subs were supposed to be one with oil on the side and the other with mayo. Both have oil all right on it. It wouldn’t be a big deal but we won’t eat them until later so the bun will be soaked and uneatable by then. It also wouldn’t be a big deal if they were cheap but it was $30 for 2 subs and a salad!
WIBTA if I called & politely demanded they deliver two correct subs and pick up the incorrect ones? I feel that if they’re going to be charging that much for subs they can’t be fucking them up like this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
knUkJ3c4YQLcLQ5piPIhlaIFF8e7Iz9N
|
b1n24p
|
{
"description": "moving on 'quickly' from my ex-boyfriend who passed 3 weeks ago",
"pronormative_score": 162,
"contranormative_score": 244
}
|
AITA for moving on 'quickly' from my ex-boyfriend who passed 3 weeks ago?
|
My boyfriend of a year passed away 3 weeks ago after a car accident. I was really close with him and his family, and he was close with mine. We were going to live together in the fall next semester. We shared a friend group as he was friends with all of my current friends before me, so they all like him too.
When I was 16 my best friend passed away due to leukemia and I was really depressed and down for a while and my mom used to constantly tell me to get over it and what's done is done so I'm kind of desensitized to loss and tend to get over it quickly.
Anyway, after my bf died once of my close friends who I used to like was talking to me and said he was there for me, and I didnt' really need emotional support but we started talking and seeing each other 2 weeks ago. I told my friend about it today and she flipped and two of my other close friends texted me and said what I was doing was fucked up and it's too soon. And now I got a message from my ex-bf's sister telling me to never talk to her or family again and some other mean things (idk how she even found out).
I don't know what I really did wrong, I never cheated on my ex, I did pay my respects after he passed, but it's like I'm supposed to wait some arbitrary amount of time until I'm allowed to go out with people again?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 237,
"OTHER": 127,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 35,
"INFO": 5
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 162,
"WRONG": 244
}
|
WRONG
|
qykRT1QgkYvjW8tRoExm6lCKoEWb8AzP
|
b9h279
|
{
"description": "being mad my friend made plans",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being mad my friend made plans
|
So I asked my best friend, J, if we could hang out on Thursday (today) on Tuesday. We get out early and the library is late open so it the best day for us to hang. She tells me she had kind of made plans with A, another friend of hers and she’s not sure if she’ll come. I like A a lot and I didn’t have a problem with it since I know she can’t get out much, but by Thursday, A hadn’t responded to J’s texts, so at about 10, she says she’ll come with me.
Now at 1:30, J has a class with D, her other best friend. D is angry at me atm because I made a joke about her, to her, a month ago, never told me it made her mad, doesn’t act mad, just complains to all our friends about it. D tells J that she wants her and A to hang out today. Even though A still hasn’t said anything about showing up, J decides to go with her.
J texts me and lets me know. Since my day’s entire trajectory has changed, I decide to go home (I didn’t have a class, I was waiting to go with her) but I need to give her a key she left with me first. When I gave her the key, she apologized for the third or so time and I said “You’ve already apologized and made your decision. I’m gonna be melodramatic about it either way, so stop apologizing.” We said our goodbyes, and now I’m at home.
TLDR: AITA for being a little pissed of that my best friend blew off plans to go hang with one person who hates me and another who might not even show up.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
b5ZKCkc7RIQb18LMLL0FsKN1jvrnLu6w
|
afru7c
|
{
"description": "constantly ignoring my potentially psychologically ill friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for constantly ignoring my potentially psychologically ill friend?
|
I moved to NZ about 14 months ago, when i first touched down an old friend (who moved here quite some time ago) offered to collect me from the airport. As she was one of the reasons I wanted to visit and had also insisted I crash at hers, I gladly accepted her offer, especially after a 28 hour flight. She was three hours late. And this is where the problems began.
During the trip from Auckland to Wellington, which took three days, she insisted I pay for accommodation, petrol and food. I felt this was ok because of her generosity and also because I was jet lagged as hell and wanted as little fuss as possible.
When we arrived I was then expected to cook for her (I'm a chef, but I actually detest cooking a lot of the time), to pay for more petrol and to share whatever groceries I'd bought. But more often or not, she would just take what she wanted regardless. Again, as she was offering me accommodation rent-free, I acted "ok" about this. But then my NZ bank decided to cock-up my money transfer from my UK account and it took a few weeks of yelling at both banks for them to sort it out. I had a reasonable amount of cash in my bank that had previously transferred just fine, but I watched it vanish due to her demands. She'd ask to go to the pub, but would ALWAYS "forget" her purse. She would kindly offer to let me tag along when she went to the supermarket but would then insist I paid for petrol. At the time I smoked, she claimed she had quit but would ALWAYS ask for a roll-up, one time I was running low of tobacco (I smoke hand rolled) so I politely explained as much. She stormed off in a huff and called me a "selfish prick"
Then her flatmate told me that her friend had just had a room open up, and was happy for me to pay in arrears once my bank sorted it's shit out. I moved grabbed my stuff and food and moved in ASAP. I then got shitty messages from her demanding I bring half my food back because it was "hers". She was particularly irritated that i took "her" eggs. I told her no and she had a full-blown mental breakdown. Started acting the victim, bringing up stuff that had zero relevance to this drama she had created, and just generally making me feel worthless. The aforementioned housemate said she was genuinely unnerved by her reaction.
Then it hit me. Her lateness ALL THE TIME. The fact she repeatedly spent forever getting ready to go out, typically trying to find her sunglasses (even though we typically went out at night), her neediness. The girl has some pretty serious mental issues. Maybe a combination of NPD and anxiety disorder. I decided to try and make amends. Her, her boyfriend, her housemate and I decided to celebrate Christmas together. I agreed to cook and we agreed to all buy one another gifts. I spent ages trying to get all three of them presents that they'd actually want. I bought the housemate a portable speaker as hers had recently broke. I bought her fella cinema tickets as he is a huge film nerd. I bought my crazy friend an expensive box of mixed cheeses and crackers (cheese is disgustingly expensive in NZ) as she adored cheese.
She bought me an egg-cup and bitched that I didn't get her a cinema ticket. An egg-cup she had found in a box outside a second-hand store. I know this because I was fucking with her when she found it.
I pretty much made up my mind to get the fuck out of Wellington as soon as I could after that, which I did. But now I feel guilty. I've painted all of her bad points, but she is truly a wonderful human being, I've known her for 20 years and she has always been there for me and I feel that I should be there for her. Every time I see a message pop up from her I get anxious, and rarely respond with anything other than a few words or not at all. It's been about a year now, do you think I should apologise? Maybe just keep her at arms length? Am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
3IMoBLoVTysZ4G1XDTxjAq2MnFspjhhZ
|
axm7a6
|
{
"description": "not paying my friend to be in my short films",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 18
}
|
AITA for not paying my friend to be in my short films?
|
Ever since I was in middle school, I've made short films because I have a passion for film-making and I've asked some of my friends to help act in them. We always had a fun time doing it, no matter how bad the movie ended up being. One friend in particular, Zack, has been one of my go-to actors and we've never had any issues making these movies.
We're in college now and we still make short films, but the past couple of months have been pretty tense and difficult. There was the first incident when I noticed that Zack didn't seem to be giving his all in one of his performances. I asked him what's wrong and he didn't say anything. That went on for a few days and then I decided to just ask again. He then tells me that he wants me to start paying him for starring in my movies. I thought that was a bit of an odd request. I don't pay any other actors and while I do make these recent movies more seriously since I'm older, there's still an element to them that's just for fun. I'm a college student. I can't afford paying someone a salary that he was asking. He was asking for $100 for every scene he was in and I told him that I can't do that.
After that, we went inside my house and my mom popped in and asked how things were going. Zack responds by flipping her off. He got kicked out, but he came back the next day and offered an apology, which my mom accepted, but things between them are still tense. And after that, Zack just stopped caring about my movies. He told me that he wanted out, but we were halfway through the shooting of this film and it would be detrimental to recast and start over again. But I promised that once this movie was done, he wouldn't have to be in any films.
But a few weeks ago, when production was done, I told him and my other actors that we'd be screening the short film at a film festival in New York. I got all of my actors together and told them that I'd be flying them out to NYC on an all expenses paid trip. This is what I'd been saving my money for and everyone except Zack was excited. Zack's response was "That's it?" and he starts complaining about not being paid and having to be flown out to a "dump". Then he leaves and he starts saying under his breath "Fucking waste of time." Now it's just a few more days until we got to New York and Zack has told me that he's not going. He says that I don't deserve him since I refused to pay him. He says that he needs money and he needs career security, but I told him that he knew from day one in middle school that this was just for fun and that he's dumb to expect "career security" from me. I told him to just start applying for jobs, but he claims that I owe him.
Who's the asshole here? A few years ago, I actually caught Zack fucking one of my old girlfriends in my own bed and I was dumb enough to forgive him for that and now it would seem that he feels like he can get away with anything after that. But with this whole movie-making thing, I want to know who's in the wrong.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 28,
"EVERYBODY": 10,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 29,
"WRONG": 18
}
|
RIGHT
|
Em1sEYeVyYNop1DyHe6flryubdAW281g
|
9y824z
|
{
"description": "waking my friend up with a glass of water",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for waking my friend up with a glass of water?
|
Some friends and I were drinking, and one of them left for bed and said "wake me up with water in 15 minutes". We had previously planned to go out later, so I assumed he meant to use water to wake him up so he'd be ready to go, which I did. I later learned that he wanted me to bring him a bottle of water to drink. To be clear, I didn't intentionally misunderstand him, his real request never crossed my mind. He's understandably pretty pissed, am I the asshole here?
If I am the asshole here, he's since smacked me over the head with a glass trying to get me back, and then dropped it on the floor and gone to bed. Are we even?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
UYwvUKoKOABLFSNLKHWIOjWL32wHcgYW
|
axgn9d
|
{
"description": "rehoming my gf's dog",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
WIBTA if I rehome my gf’s dog?
|
Two months ago the gf got a dog. I didn’t want to, I told her outright it would be on her to take care of it.
She hasn’t been. She never takes him out. Literally to the point of him shitting by the back door that I usually take him out.
I’ve been doing all the work for him. Feeding, watering, walking, playing. Gf literally just plays with him and leaves all the responsibility on me. We’ve fought about it a bunch. She always claims that I’m not home and she does take him out. If she really did he wouldn’t be shitting near the back door. He obviously wants to go out.
I never signed up for a dog. He’s a good boy, but if gf isn’t going to take care of him I want to rehome him.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
jwcn2i0Bk12S2C7jkVc7lzz91pWP8dzJ
|
avhs7x
|
{
"description": "not giving my boyfriend head",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I don’t give my boyfriend head?
|
Ok so I’m a virgin and I’m positive I want to lose my virginity to him but he wants to try doing all kinds of things like embarrassing sex positions and stuff. He says he wants to give me head but I don’t want him to one because I feels it’s unsanitary for me and him and I’m just embarrassed to try such a thing. I don’t want to give him head because one I’ve never done it and I don’t want to. Except he hasn’t had sex in a long time and I feel bad for denying him head and him giving me head. He already agreed on not giving me head but me doing it to him I don’t even want to tell him no because I feel like he’ll get upset with me.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 22,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 29,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
TUNKrzsORELw5OLbNF4HH9MVVTfuN62i
|
arm0yc
|
{
"description": "not drinking with my friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not drinking with my friend?
|
So I (F22) and my best friend (M22) have know each other for about three years & usually get along really well. We met at college, and I just graduated while he is not graduating for a few more months. This is relevant because at our university, which is located in the Midwest of the U.S., drinking & going out to bars/parties is a huge part of our “culture.”
He has OCD, as well as dealing with anxiety (I have anxiety too, which is relevant later) & a lot of insecurities due to being bisexual but growing up very religious. His family does not know about his sexuality, he goes to great lengths to keep his school-life and family-life separate. I think because of his mental health, and having to suppress his true feeling for so long around his parents, he has a lot of repressed emotions. The problem being, when he drinks, he behaves erratically & all those emotions come pouring out.
An example: last time we went out to a bar, he had about 7-8 drinks (over the course of 4 hours) and when I got him and two other friends to leave and go out to the car (I was sober, I rarely drink) he stumbled off across a snowy field and spent 10 minutes kicking snowdrifts, falling down, and yelling at the sky that he “deserves this” and he’s a “bad person.”
The past couple times that we’ve gone to a bar, he’s gotten upset with me that I don’t drink because I “bring the mood down” of the group. He will buy me drinks and then get upset when I don’t drink them (I did not ask for them). He wants me to drink so that I’ll feel more comfortable/free, because that’s how he feels when he drinks, but can’t seem to grasp WHY I don’t like drinking, which is that it makes me feel paranoid and I always have a terribly anxiety-ridden day the day after I drink.
I don’t like being sober when he gets like this, but I think if I was tipsy or even drunk when he began behaving like this, it would be even worse, because I might not be able to calm him down/coax him to go home, etc.
So tell me reddit, AITA for bringing the mood down?
Tl;dr: best friend always wants me to go to the bars & get drunk with him, I go but don’t drink/have one drink because a) drinking makes me feel paranoid and b) he behaves erratically when drunk & I feel like one of us at least needs to be sober. He gets upset with me and tells me I have to drink because I am “bringing the mood down.”
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
hbS0PVr3IPGN2bK2Hk5JGnMaNYKHHj9Q
|
9wrobq
|
{
"description": "going \"shopping\" at the lost and found table",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for going "shopping" at the lost and found table?
|
My younger kids go to the area boys & girls club after school. In the front lobby there's a large table over flowing with lost items, some nice stuff too. Underarmor and Nike hoodies, coats, shirts, sometimes shoes and bookbags. It sits there for weeks without the owners ever finding their stuff, to the point where the lady at the desk TELLS ME to take whatever i want, because it's going to Goodwill.
So every time i pick up the kids i browse the pile and take something that will fit. Not shoes, and nothing that actually has a name written in it. But I've probably brought home hundreds of dollars worth of clothes over the years.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
82fAsmhF0blfkKQGcGcKnUMW1sjOrY55
|
artcne
|
{
"description": "accidentally breaking my brother's bed",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for accidentally breaking my brother’s bed?
|
So once I accidentally sat on my brother’s bed a little too hard and I broke a board. I felt bad and my brother proceeded to yell at me and insult me. He branch up other times in past about times that I broke stuff and I felt bad. Later he forbid me from sitting on his bed even though I tried to explain to him that it was an accident. He still won’t forgive me even though it was two months ago.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
60PmRznw6BxKIO9Lspp3ppkWCZCv7rdh
|
aubo8a
|
{
"description": "being mad at my girlfriend who sometimes hangs out with a guy she broke up with me over because she thought he could be her better",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For being mad at my girlfriend who sometimes hangs out with a guy she broke up with me over because she thought he could be her better?
|
To keep a long story short
- Gf has sex with him before we started dating
- went for gfs best friend instead
- we start dating while guy and her best friend are still together
- they break up and gf and guy start talking (about 3-4 months into relationship)
- they hang out a few times no red flags
- About 6 months in find out from gfs phone she left open when she drunkinly fell asleep asking (guy) if they still had feelings for each other and still could be a thing
- Call her out in it says she sorted her unresolved feelings with (guy) and didn’t mean it how she put it (hmmm )
- she still hangs out with guy and tells me to deal with it and stop being insecure.
- About 8 months into our relationship she says she wants to break up because she deserves better.
- get back together in a few days
- find out its (guy) who she thought was better for her when she broke down crying how much of a mistake it was to leave me ( my assumption is that he just wanted sex while she wanted a relationship.
And since then she told me how she had feelings for him before we even met and how he treats her so nicely etc.
I just think this is fucking toxic for our relationship likes she’s literally hanging out with the guy she broke up over me with. And says to stop being insecure and to deal with it because there “just friends and always have been” which I know is a crock of shit. All the stress he’s put on the relationship of me and my girlfriend I can’t be okay with them hanging out. Plus when the hangout it’s always around or past midnight and she won’t tell me what they do.
AITA for feeling like this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
TNbUgfhOlJovBCAIwH9VbVmdpqREd9hc
|
atksbr
|
{
"description": "preventing my roommate from getting a new dog to replace her dead one",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for preventing my roommate from getting a new dog to replace her dead one?
|
Throwaway account for obvious reasons.
Hey guys, so I live in a 2-bedroom apartment with my two roommates, we'll call them Emily and Jane. We're all seniors in college and have been living in this apartment for about a year and a half now. This past summer Emily decided to get an emotional support animal after her bunny of 10 years died, only this time she wanted a dog. Immediately, Jane and I had our doubts because Emily can be very self-absorbed, lazy, and very questionably able to take care of an animal with as many needs as a dog. However, we told her we would be okay with it as long as she met certain basic conditions like walking it, making sure it doesn't disturb our sleep/other needs, cleaning up after it....etc.
Fast forward to September when she brings in this puppy she got from a luxury breeder, and the next few months are--to put it mildly--pretty fucking hard. It took the dog an insanely long time to get potty trained, and up until last week she was still peeing and pooping in random areas of the apartment. But here's the big thing: this dog was NEVER WALKED. The dog was in our apartment for WEEKS on end without so much as seeing the outside, and regardless of how many times we raised concerns over this our roommate claimed that because it was "cold" it was better to let the dog get some exercise at home (which, by the way, means throwing toys around for her to chase in a circle.)
Anyway, two days ago, after the 8 month old puppy was left alone in Emily's room for three hours, we all came home to find her having what we later realized was a prolonged seizure. By the time we got to the vet she had died. The vet later told me privately that it was no surprise this happened if the dog was never walked and was left alone often: anxiety and deprivation from stimulation can be easy seizure triggers that are fatal. Not only that, but when Emily called the breeder to let him know, he told her none of his other puppies had ever gone through something like this.
Jane and I thought Emily would be destroyed and we did everything we could to make it better. Imagine our SURPRISE when, after her mother flies in the NEXT DAY, they're talking about getting another puppy next WEEK from the SAME BREEDER. Her mother says Emily lost her emotional support animal and needs a new one to get through this. Neither of them seem to see that this untimely death is very much related to the way Emily took care of this dog. Jane and I are in shock. We absolutely do not want another dog to go through the life the previous one had. We just don't know what to do. AITA for preventing this from happening somehow? And how would I even do this? It's not like I can tell my roommate who is depressed that her dog died because of her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
SPJ621gTIFzJsrqeHFEOAfbfDxYLe9Ei
|
9u9w8a
|
{
"description": "dating my best friend's ex",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for dating my best friend's ex?
|
So I introduced my best friend (Let’s call him Chris) to a lady who I met at college after I became quick friends with her, She’ll be called Emma.
Their relationship was a bit rocky and only lasted a couple of months after Emma broke it off with Chris and about a few month late, she revealed her feelings for me. As my LDR with someone from high school has just ended and I thought she was really lovely I agreed to go give it a go.
It’s been a few months since then and it’s been pretty great. She’s nice and interesting and all that. But Chris has not been having a good time. This was a bit of a straw (brick?) that broke the camels back thing and he’s sort of spiralled into depression. I try to help him by meeting up once a week (ish) and just chatting to him online and letting him vent his feelings at me.
But I really don’t have the time or energy to devote much more time to him because of exams and the fact that Chris is still pretty resentful of me.
Adding to Chris’ problems is that he really doesn’t have other friends. He’s alone at his university, away from anyone he knows and the only relationship he ever had ended with his two best friends together.
Am I an asshole for dating Emma and inadvertently causing Chris to get depressed? And not being able/willing to helping him more in his time of need?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
XPtst2zUszHC9JZU5fXmnPjs8HISNUF1
|
b4zxcc
|
{
"description": "telling his girlfriend what he did",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
WIBTA If I Told His Girlfriend What he did
|
First off we need some backstory, I am a quiet kid that usually does not stand up from himself. In my ELA class and Advisory I have a kid in my class that is really just a jerk, not a bully, but not a nice kid. This dude is pretty messed up and does not really do his work in class. We will call him K, because his name starts with K.
​
I was reading my book and talking to some people in my advisory class, my advisory teacher is really chill and does not really care if you talk. She then told us that there would be a fire drill in a few minutes, so I put down my book. My eyes were wandering around, waiting for the alarm to blare, but then something caught my eye. I saw K was on his phone looking at a photo of a guy wearing no shirt and having googles on. He then scrolled down a little bit and the dudes butt was on full display. I looked at his face because I was wondering if this was just something random in his Instagram fee, but K had a full blown smile on his face and liked the picture. He liked the picture, he liked a PORN picture in school!
​
I would have confronted K about it right then, but the fire alarm went off. We went outside for a few minutes then came back, so I decided to confront him there when he was alone (I did not want to embarrass him, you never know, it could have been a meme). I went up to him and asked him why he was looking at porn in school and he denied all claims. I asked him if it was a meme, but he said he did not look at anything inappropriate. I kept on asking questions, but when he did not tell me anything I decided I had to put him on the hotspot, so I decided to ask him in front of his friends. When K was with his friends he changed his mind and said it was a meme, so I told his friends how he already said it was not a meme. At this point advisory already ended and I had to go walk to my next class, a class I have with a lot of my friends that has a lot of time to walk (PE).
​
I saw my friends in the hall, and told them the story. I did not really feel the need to tell them it was gay porn right away, but whenever I found out he had a girlfriend I did. In PE I told all of my friends the story, they already knew K was messed up and a bit weird, but they never thought he would look at porn on his phone IN SCHOOL. I shared the story only to my close friends because I did not want to shame him in front of everyone, even though K makes fun of people in public all the time. But then I got an idea to extract revenge.
​
I got the thought of telling his girlfriend that he was watching gay porn in school. I have been thinking it over for the past few days, but I don't know if that would be a horrible thing to do. K is a jerk, but does he deserve possibly loosing his girlfriend? Should I just tell her K was watching porn, and not bring up the gay part? WIBTA?
​
TL:DR A bully/jerk looks at gay porn in school, WIBTA if I told his GF?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
viJrlNlcuUQSjLc7rkvNanSU5TxIqxA2
|
aoyto1
|
{
"description": "getting angry at my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for getting angry at my girlfriend
|
Tl;dr: GF went out with her friends. She then sent me videos of her dancing with two guys at someone's house. I got angry.
Sorry if I get a bit incomprehensible, I've got quite a lot of drinks in my system. I'll give you a bit of backstory:
I've been with my girlfriend for a half a year. We knew each other for a few years but we started dating just recently. I've moved into her city for a university and we really hit it off. We've got a lot of in common, we like the same movies, we like to take walks, we have similar sense of humor etc
The issue of cheating never really crossed my mind since everything was great. Her family likes me, my family likes her and I'm even planning to help her brother build a PC as a kind of bonding experience.
I never wanted to isolate her from her friends, so whenever she wanted to go out with them (a mix of male and female friends) I had no issue. But this Friday seemed a bit off.
I've been out of town due to some family thing and she went out to a bar with her friends again. I've been working well into the night so I expected some texts or photos from her, as was the usual. She sent some things but around midnight she sent me goodnight message. I asked her if she was at home, she said no and that she didn't want to text afterwards. I've been okay with that, she's been drinking after all.
At around 2 am she sent me two videos on Snapchat. In them, she was singing and dancing with two of her male friends at someone's house. I didn't see anyone else in the videos, so I assumed they were alone in there. She sent me a message at 5 am that she was finally home and going to sleep.
When I saw that in the morning, I got really angry. I didn't tell her though, even though I probably should. She even asked me if I'm angry and I said no but I'm pretty sure she can tell that I'm not ok since I haven't been texting her at all.
Am I wrong to get angry in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
jYyjAcpIuMhlVacAKV6KJ48auJD9VaWj
|
az3kec
|
{
"description": "telling my mother off for not properly cleaning the dishes",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for telling my mother off for not properly cleaning the dishes?
|
Backstory: My mother bought me Minecraft (so I can play with my friends as other games were starting to get boring) and in return, I'm supposed to wash the dishes for a month. We have a dishwasher so I just rinse off any mess and put them in which makes it easier.
More backstory: My family is getting this rule out where you MUST rinse your plate (no need to see your dried up rice and other stuff) and if you don't, you'll be forced to rinse it off. Onwards to the story!
So this happened last night, I was just rinsing the dishes and what happened was, I saw two really nasty plates (they had food dried on them) and asked my mother who's they were. She responded by saying it was her and my sisters and at which point I didn't snap, but I told her off
I said to her that if I'm dealing with this kind of mess, I'm not watching your dishes since this is a rule that has been enforced in our house and if I'm getting yelled yelled at for not rinsing my dishes, why should I give them the benefit of the doubt? She said that she'd start doing them without really paying attention (or she was and was cutting me off, I couldn't tell) and I said that, for this time, I'll do them but if I see that there is a mess like this, I'm not washing them.
Yeah so an innocent post for this and I've been wondering about it, note I'm a 15 year old male. (Yes I do play Minecraft, a game is a game and if I enjoy it, don't make me try to NOT play it) so in case my age helps decide a factor then hope it helps :)
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
EWdBYhN8XmmDLscAwRr98tQZU34NDquZ
|
9xbj3s
| null |
AITA for, well, I'm not quite sure
|
I was walking from my class to the cafe for a 15 minute break in the middle of a lesson with two people, lets call them K and Phil. In the first part of the lesson I was walking from, there was a commotion outside in the corridor in which there was some shouting and a stomping. I was sat close to the door and tried to see out but I was at a poor angle and couldn't see much, so I was curious as to what happened.
​
So I'm walking to the cafe with K and Phil, and this is a rough transcript of the conversation:
​
Me - "Do you know what the hell was happening in the corridor? Jesus"
​
K - "Of course we don't know, if anyone would've seen, it would've been you, there's something called a wall" in the kind of condescending tone someone speaks to you with when they think you're stupid.
​
Me - "why do you always nitpick everything I do or say, it's like you want to make me look stupid at every given moment" which is true, there've been many situations since the start of the year that he'd done or tried to do this.
​
K - "I'm just using common sense" although I never suggested he could see through walls, I just wanted to see if either K or Phil knew any beef from any other classes.
​
Me - "Well not really, you just keep trying to make me look dumb when I haven't done anything"
​
K - "yeah I am actually, I do it to people I don't like" which was the part that really caught me off guard, and he and I aren't really friends so we don't have that sort of banter or anything.
​
Me - "You don't like me? Well how come?"
​
K - "You just have one of those faces that I really wanna punch" as though that's a valid reason for disliking somebody.
​
Me - "Then why don't you punch me?" because even though I'm not immensely strong, he wouldn't be any more than me plus I have at least 6 inches on him in height.
​
K - "I'm not uncivilised, I'm not just gonna punch you unless you give me a reason to" as though I gave him a reason to find my face "punchable", and also that makes him a coward if he's gonna say he wants to punch me for no reason but won't.
​
A rough description of K, he's a little below average height, skinny as hell, denies the fact that his parents buy him all his expensive clothes and claims that he pays for it out of his bank account but makes up excuses for not trying to get a job and won't say where he gets his money from, has hair slicked back like greasier version the Jared Leto Joker, and he dresses like a secondary school PE teacher, exclusively polo shirts and tracksuit bottoms.
​
Am I the assholem surely not. Am I missing something or he just an out and out cunt? I promise you I'm not leaving anything out, I honestly don't know what I could've done. to make him feel that way. Questions welcomed and encouraged.
​
TL;DR A classmate of mine says my face is "punchable" for no discernible reason and I'm not sure if I'm missing something.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ZOUr7HgwMlBrbYQPC6UEr5a1jBYbJ8kx
|
ar41ne
|
{
"description": "making a girl cry even though she was picking on me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA because I made a girl cry even though she was picking on me
|
Quick story
My friend and I were sitting eating our lunch when he tells me to scoot over to the girls side so I did. Then there was the girl who called me transgender and I wasn’t gonna let this slide through so I tell her “no ur dad” (I am horrible at comebacks) but turns out her dad was dead. She almost cried and her friends were telling me that I was so mean I that I should apologize (even though I did) so yeah that was my story
So was I the asshole ( I felt like I was but I wanna hear it from some one else
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
0KmU8leFoP2d8MZfyljxMwGXYpofjenh
|
asxmgh
|
{
"description": "not paying my ex directly for our daughter's braces",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not paying my ex directly for our daughter's braces??
|
My ex and I have been divorced for over ten years and he has had custody of the kids for the last six years. I pay child support, and an never late and routinely pick up the tab for additional clothes and sports fees and other outings.
Two years ago my ex took me to court to get more child support, but he didn't figure on the judge ordering me to pay for the kids' insurance, which is exactly what she did. The monthly amount I pay doubled, but my ex didn't get any increase. As a matter of fact he now has to split copays and any thing not covered by insurance with me, including braces.
When this first occurred and it didn't work out in court like he thought it would, he told the kids that I had taken him back to court to try to pay less and that I convinced the judge to let me pay for insurance. He told my daughter that her braces weren't covered with the new insurance and they were going to come "take the braces out of her mouth" bc of what I had done.
He initially refused to tell me how much the cost of the braces were, and I advised him that the court order says I am to see a bill before I pay. He then had the orthodontist's office call me to tell me the total cost. We agreed that I would pay him half the monthly payment each month. I paid him that amount (in money orders for proof) until November.
In November, I was short on time so I gave him cash instead of a money order, but also at that time I had another envelope of money to pay a different bill. I slipped up and gave him the wrong envelope, with almost twice as much money in it. He texted me and asked why I had paid him so much extra money. I told him I had made a mistake and needed to swap the envelopes back and he refused. He said I owed him for other doctors visits.
(My insurance offers several services for free, but he takes the children to a different provider and has to pay. I told him I wasn't paying for half that bc there is a perfectly fine free option and he chooses not to use it.)
So after this, I just started paying the orthodontist directly instead of him. My children have berated me for not paying their dad the money "like I'm supposed to". AITA for not paying him, and paying the provider instead?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
q0vTwOeDIpTiNexgrxD65IfU3hVAKfsZ
|
acs3nw
|
{
"description": "not wanting to give my boyfriend all my passwords",
"pronormative_score": 49,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to give my boyfriend all my passwords?
|
He told me today he wanted all my passwords to social media “just to take a look” which I felt like was a huge invasion of privacy. I told him I have no problem showing you if for some reason you want to see something but giving all my passwords was too much. Yes, we are in a relationship and don’t/shouldn’t have secrets, but am I not entitled to that small amount of privacy, even if I’m not hiding anything?
He’s done many questionable things in our past to break my trust but moving forward in our relationship i basically let it all go once I felt comfortable. I figured I wanted to be with this person so all I could do was trust he wouldn’t make the same mistakes and move on. Now, I know his passwords. Not because I asked for them, though. For 1) he uses practically the same password for lots of things and 2) he has asked me to log into —— to find something or do something. I don’t snoop. I made it a point not to because I feel like that’s unhealthy. I don’t want to become obsessed with know what he’s doing or who he’s talking to, etc. I give him his privacy.
After explaining it was an invasion of my privacy, he managed to turn it around and call me “sketchy”, not understanding at all where I am coming from. I’m so incredibly hurt by this & we’ve gotten into a huge argument over it. He is pushing his insecurities into me & I feel like it’s not fair to me since I am so trusting to him despite his lies in the past but that trust is not being reciprocated.
Please, AITA? Am I playing victim or taking it too far??
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
dU3w3fXaUZs9UPBmJj7DyxUa3ljOM5A3
|
aswsrh
|
{
"description": "offering a stripper a job",
"pronormative_score": 30,
"contranormative_score": 81
}
|
AITA for offering a stripper a job
|
My friends dragged me out to a strip club because I’ve never been to one. They rented me a private booth with a stripper for an hour and she started giving me a lap dance. She could tell I was uncomfortable so we ended up just sitting and talking because I didn’t want to continue.
I asked about her life and she mentioned her young daughter. I felt terrible that a single mom had to work as a stripper and I’ve been looking for a new personal assistant so I told her she could have the job. She got offended and left the booth. My friends agreed that she was being a bitch, but AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 30,
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}
|
WRONG
|
FVYgEblImpuXEjXfOLl6Zutag7PPyvgp
|
a57inj
|
{
"description": "telling my mom I have cut myself in the leg over a stupid argument about food",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I tell my mom I have cut myself in the leg over a stupid argument about food?
|
I’m 14f for reference. She doesn’t provide food, only bread because that’s the easiest. It’s not like we are poor. I could get up and buy my own food, but I’m too weak and I’ll probably break down in the supermarket bc I hate being around people. She knows I have injured myself before on purpose in the past.
She sent me a message demanding I clean up the house and I told her I’m too weak I haven’t eaten anything. She told me that I should just eat the bread, but I can’t live off of bread so I got mad and wanted to tell her I’m gonna stab my leg, but it will probably be too harsh and manipulative.
I cut myself in the leg, but it’s not too bad and it doesn’t show. I’m planning on cutting it deep so it bleeds or something so she sees how much I’m hurting, but she’ll probably get mad or worried(Idk if she actually will bc she didn’t seem worried in the past and has actually joked about it).
So WIBTA if I tell her I’ve cut myself because she doesn’t provide me proper meals?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
|
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|
WRONG
|
cEFL6N2Wj6TyC6LZZQ8O6Xkw1m7gYNXX
|
arsm25
|
{
"description": "\"ruining\" my brothers water bottle",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for "ruining" my brothers water bottle?
|
This Christmas, my brother got a brand new, pretty high quality and expensive water bottle. He had been needing one for weeks after his last one (two?) broke. Today, I was carrying around a jacket string that had fallen out of the jacket, and his new water bottle was sitting on our kitchen counter. As a joke, I asked "what if i just hit it and knocked it over?" and my brother responded with something along the lines of "Do it." I questioned him, but he persisted, telling me to try and knock it off the table with the jacket string. And so, I did. I successfully swung and knocked the bottle off the table with the jacket string. This caused it to get dented on the bottom, and now it wobbled a little when placed. He began trying to hammer the bottom, only worsening the situation. AITA? Because I really feel like TA.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
xkImspnqUwJvMbGNaBVhiXGjh2Y8185L
|
b2wh3w
|
{
"description": "never wanting to donate blood again",
"pronormative_score": 100,
"contranormative_score": 20
}
|
AITA for never wanting to donate blood again?
|
On impulse a little less than 3 years ago, I donated blood. It went perfectly fine and they gave me some snacks after so I was happy.
After some time, I started receiving calls to donate more blood. Soon, these calls became daily. Every single day between 12-1pm, I receive a call from a random number telling me that people are dying and I need to donate blood. Even if I block the number (which I tried three times), I begin to receive calls from a new number. It’s been soooo long and I’m so sick of it. I’ve decided that I will never donate blood again just to spite companies that do this.
AITA for never wanting to donate blood again due to annoying company tactics trying to get me to donate more?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 96,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
967a0sLaW5zofPXorI1X0i4xUKc7LjD2
|
aza6gh
|
{
"description": "pulling the fire alarm at midnight",
"pronormative_score": 51,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for pulling the fire alarm at midnight?
|
*(Disclaimer: Technically I did not "pull" it. It was one of [these things](https://images.by.prom.st/77608428_w640_h640_pozharnaya-signalizatsiya.jpg) with a button. Also, English is not my native language.)*
I live in a large apartment building. One night last year, some genius three floors below me decided to have a cigarette in his bed. He barely escaped with his life. Had he not activated the fire alarm on his way out, people would have died and the building would be gone.
This AITA incident occurred a few nights ago. It was close to midnight. I was working on schoolwork when I smelled smoke. The scent got stronger over the next several minutes. I opened my front door and it was even worse in the hallway. Scared with that memory on my mind, I pressed the fire alarm and ran downstairs before calling the firefighters.
When they got here, they smelled the smoke but found no danger. We had to wait outside in the cold for 2 hours. I felt a bit bad about putting everyone through that before a workday.
And yesterday I was talking to my neighbour about this in the lift. He asked if I knew who pressed the alarm (I was one of the first people out). I told him I did. He called me a bitch and told me I wasted everyone's time. I talked to my friend later that day, and he agreed with my neighbour. My friend said I should have just left on my own if I was scared.
Personally, I would rather be woken up by a fire alarm than woken up trapped by fire in my room. Hearing their thoughts was a surprise. AITA?
tldr I thought the apartment building was on fire but it wasn't.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
V9OCBqvsX6QS1op6331It66rBufjFaCJ
|
a90u31
|
{
"description": "making my sister cry",
"pronormative_score": 25,
"contranormative_score": 29
}
|
AITA for making my sister cry?
|
I was at an early family Christmas party and there weren't many seats at the house. Everyone ended up having to share seats with each other. My sister happened to be sitting with me and I thought I could make a quick joke about her taking up too much space and that we would just laugh it off.
I started off by saying, "Geez could you take up any more room?" then cut if off there and immediately apologized saying how it was only a joke. She replied saying that it wasn't very funny, therefore making it not a joke and said that I was making fun of/bullying her. I told her that something can be a joke and not be funny, which it was in this case, and she seemed to disagree once again. She said that if it really was a joke then I could say it to anyone and it would be funny, so I proceeded to do so.
I looked over to my uncle and told him he is taking up too much space and everyone who heard started laughing, proving my point correct and hers wrong. This is the point where she left the room and an aunt came in and told me that she was crying.
AITA for making a stupid joke that someone took seriously?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
T21Mxsu8hK2iVI840GIouWwjxR8PQMl5
|
arm12v
|
{
"description": "not wanting to play D&D with an annoying roommate",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to play D&D with an annoying roommate?
|
A bit of context. I am traveling in Australia at the moment and have been staying at a hostel in Melbourne for the last few months. Recently I managed to start a group playing Dungeons and Dragons, which is one of my passions. I taught a group of seven people how to play and we're running through a short campaign. I have put a lot of effort into preparing and running the game, regularly hourspreparing both my stuff and the players' (since they don't know the rules yet), as well as my own money on printing and dice.
Enter my roommate C. C has been in my room for the last week or so. To begin with we didn't really talk much, until he invited me and two other roommates out for lunch (both roommates also players in my game and my friends). When we went to lunch it was clear that C was a very intense person, shouting and laughing incredibly loudly in a public restaurant, punching me in a friendly manner. He also tends to be a little domineering, he will go on loud rants and shout angrily if you interrupt him.
Over the next week, his behaviour became increasingly erratic. He had a long rant about typical 'nice guy' stuff and shouted at me when I tried to cut him off. At one point he had a go at me and the other roommates for 'excluding him', which is maybe a fair comment but somewhat natural given that we have been in the same room for weeks and are close friends. He also regularly got in my personal space despite me asking not to. On Friday we played D&D again and he turned up at 3, not having told me he was coming. I politely told him that since I didn't know he was playing I didn't have a character for him, but I'd be happy to make one with him for next time. He was visibly sad but accepted this. At this point I fully intended to let him play next time.
Yesterday, he again looked down so we asked him what was wrong and he told us his very sad life story, which I won't go into. Feeling sorry for him, I went out for lunch and had a pint with him. Alone, he was pleasant, if a little strange and the aforementioned obnoxiously loud. That night, we four had a few drinks and played some hands of poker. As the game progressed, C got worse and worse. He was as ever loud, but also rude, harrying people to take their turn while dragging his out as much as possible. After the poker, we kept drinking and his behaviour got worse and worse. He swore repeatedly at all of us, which is not something that bothers me but the two girls are kinda young and one of them took it to heart. He also made a pass at the other girl, despite being ten years her senior and her clear lack of interest (I feel some what fraternal towards these two girls as they are very young and kinda sensitive). I frequently asked him to chill out, at which he would apologise, and then quickly revert to form.
My concern is this: the members of my D&D group are new to the game. Several of them have expressed concerns about playing with him, and some are quite timid. I already find it challenging to run the game as it's a large group and they are all new. C has already exhibited behaviour that suggests he would not cooperate or listen, would be domineering and rude. Furthermore, the one time I've played a different game with him was not enjoyable. AITA if I tell him that I can't let him join the game? Given he is clearly a lonely person with some legitimate issues of his own, will I just be being selfish?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
zquXBDPECV8n4MM6oqZfB7VX1nzSjRpx
|
and4nf
|
{
"description": "not sleeping with my GF the night before my grandfathers heart surgery",
"pronormative_score": 138,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not sleeping with my GF the night before my grandfathers heart surgery?
|
So some context for you guys. My grandparents took me in when I was younger after my mum abandoned me. They gave me a home, fed and clothed me, and encouraged me to strive for a higher education. My father was never really in my life. So they not only saved me from possible homelessness, but they also became even more important to me than my parents ever were.
The 3 or 4 days leading up to the surgery weren't so hard for me. But, as the day grew closer it would pop into my head more and my depression and anxiety quickly dug in roots. I had brought it up multiple times to my girlfriend and my best friend the days leading up to this incident because they noticed an obvious change in my my overall demeanor. It ended up becoming a reoccurring topic that always ended with the typical "everything will be alright" from them which was very appreciated. But sometimes that's not enough you know? I work in the medical field which means I'm unfortunately aware of all the things that can go wrong before and after that invasive of a surgery.
The night before his surgery I could not fall asleep. My girlfriend, of nearly three years, was over at my apartment and we'd been lying in bed for an hour or so and all I could do was toss and turn. I got up because I needed to go to the bathroom and decided I'd lurk through Reddit to distract my mind until I was tired enough to fall asleep. At this point it's around 2am and my GF sleepily asks me where I'm going. I say I'm just going to the bathroom and that she should go back to sleep. I didn't want her to worry about me more since we had just talked about it, but I knew I needed space to just get my mind off of everything.
I keep trying to get up and go back to bed but before I even reach my room my anxiety would peak again and I'd sit right back down. A few hours pass and my GF comes out of the room, looks at me like she's pissed, and says "what are you doing? Are you even coming to bed tonight?". I explain that I can't sleep because I'm pretty anxious, and that I just need some space to chill out before I go to sleep. I say she should just go to sleep and that it's okay. She sighs and goes back in my room.
She comes out less than 30 minutes later fully dressed, with all her things packed, and says she is getting an uber home. She angrily states it doesn't make sense for her to stay if I'm not going to sleep with her and if I'm going to be so weird. Needless to say I'm pretty pissed at this point. I (as calmly as I could) clarified that she understood why I was not coming to bed. She said she understood I was anxious and needed space but it was still weird and she didn't understand the point of staying if we weren't sleeping in bed together.
Honestly still pretty hurt and we haven't talked much since she left.
AITA? Any suggestions on what to do?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 129,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 9,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 138,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
1fkrfChEuwayz6HVYWxANjZ6BHhikwQK
|
aenv77
|
{
"description": "not making a move on her",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not making a move on her?
|
So, maybe this is a weird-ass question, IDK, but last weekend I spent a pretty great day with a girl I know. We really connected, and all through the day she was giving me hints that I unfortunately was too dumb or too shy to pick up on at the time. In hindsight she was being really obvious, and I like her too, but I didn't end up making a move on her. Anyway ever since then, she has basically went silent.
She's barely said a word to me IRL or over text, and it feels like I did her some kind of wrong. Am I the asshole for not making a move on her, even when she was pretty blatant? I like her back, but I'm not good with flirting, and now she seems kind of pissed at me. I get the feeling that if I just took her damn hints everything would be great ATM...
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Jt2b5rU2YYcdLXyHYLZkoNOQ88ZTKw6m
|
aqmhyp
|
{
"description": "not wanting to talk to my brother's new baby mama",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to talk to my brother's new baby mama?
|
There is a lot of backstory and context to establish here, so if you don’t have time feel free to skip to the bottom.
My brother has been in a ton of relationships since middle school and me being the adoring little sister, I’ve tried to be buddy-buddy with all of them. Sometimes they weren’t around long enough for that, but I did my best to be as friendly as possible. My brother has been divorced twice now and he’s turning 28 in a few days. The most recent marriage was to my best friend, whom he all convinced was “the one” after knowing her for about 3 months. It was completely mutual, they had fallen in love, and he married her even though my mother straight up told him it was a terrible idea. I had suggested they try to wait until they knew each other better, but of course I was overjoyed that my brother and best friend loved each other. They married on April 1st and were pregnant about 3 months later. She had severe post partum depression, which I didn’t recognize because I had never been around it and I thought everything was fine. I don’t remember exactly the timing of this, but at one point a friend of my best friend (the wife) was having a really hard time with life so they let her move in to help her get back on her feet. I think she lived there for about two years, and after probably the first 6 months my best friend started trying even harder to help her friend get a game plan for getting out on her own again. It didn’t really work and it was clear to everybody that the friend had overstayed her welcome and wasn’t really trying to better herself at all. My best friend started asking my brother to help her with basically kicking the friend out, but in a supportive “you need to get your shit together” way. He always skirted around it and nothing ever happened. So all that to say that although the friend lived there for about 2 years, it wasn’t a welcome thing that whole time.
Fast forward to the summer of 2017 when my brother invited me over to “talk”. My best friend was not there, and neither was the friend that had been living with them. He informed me that he had been tricked into marrying my best friend and never really loved her, that they’d split up, and that the friend had moved out as well. Now, anybody that knew my brother at any point in his life would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that nobody makes him do anything he doesn’t want to do. Ever. I was heartbroken and confused. I called my best friend to try to figure out what was going on. She said that my brother had asked for a break so she had been staying with her parents for 2 weeks, since my brother wouldn’t have had anywhere to go if he had wanted to leave for the break (he’s basically hated my parents since he was a teen). She told me she still loved him with all of her heart and would do whatever it took to repair their relationship. I tried talking to my brother again about what had happened and all of the details, spent hours putting together a cute little slideshow of photos of them set to a song he had sung her at their wedding, begged him to find any spark of love he still had for her in her heart… I could see in his eyes and actions that he was done, and had been for quite some time. I got pretty darn angry at him and basically stopped talking to him. I essentially “sided” with my best friend after that, mostly because it was very clear that she needed my support much more than he did. She was heartbroken, devastated, utterly confused. The next year was a nightmare as he fought for a divorce that she didn’t want. My brother treated her like garbage, basically gas lighted her, manipulated her and everybody else. He was suddenly buddy-buddy with my parents and had convinced my whole family that my best friend was evil. And since I was “siding” with her, I was shunned as well. By no means do I condone all of my best friend’s actions – she made some very desperate and hasty decisions along the way – but it was consistently clear to me that she still loved my brother and ultimately wanted reconciliation. There was a final divorce hearing to split up personal property (my brother hadn’t let my best friend get anything from their house) and I knew my best friend was having a hard time, so I visited her at the courthouse for lunch. All I had intended to do was hug her, be there for her, have some lunch, and go back to work. The poor woman was crying and shaking and throwing up. I couldn’t leave her and in hindsight I have realized this was not the wisest choice. I stayed and sat with her family in the courtroom, opposite my parents. Things hadn’t been super great between my parents and I throughout this whole process, but of course that was the nail in the coffin. They stopped talking to me for a couple of weeks. I didn’t get to see my dad for Father’s Day. And the divorce had been finalized (summer of 2018), so of course my best friend was miserable. It was a really, really shitty time. I had also just gotten married a few months after my brother first told me they had split up, so the stress (and my sometimes over-involvement) was taking a toll on our relationship as well. Eventually there was a family meeting where we barely scratched the surface of everything that had transpired and then decided that we were a big happy family again, and that we would all purpose to actually talk about stuff now. Oh and at the meeting, I found out my parents had been split up for a couple of months and were also getting divorced. My parents were at least talking to me again, but things were still pretty tense between my brother and I.
It was like that for a long time until this last Christmas. My brother texted me a week before our family get-together letting me know that he would be bringing HER. The friend who had been living with them. He claimed that she was his soulmate and that she was family. He also let me know they he would be announcing the gender of their baby. She had gotten pregnant two months after the divorce had been finalized. I was infuriated and let him know that I would not be attending the family get-together anymore, and would see the rest of the family individually instead. He asked me to meet him for coffee, so I did. We talked for a couple of hours and although I was still pissed, I agreed to be at the Christmas party so as not to ruin it for the rest of my family. I specifically told my brother that I would not be all buddy-buddy with this woman. I would be cordial, and that was all. He said they both understood.
And now we get to the relevant part of this story. My brother texted me last night saying that his new baby momma wanted me to text her, presumably about planning my brother’s birthday party (oh, and my brother refused to be at my birthday party a few months ago because seeing me “hurt him too much”). On the one hand I’m at least grateful that they’re asking instead of him just giving her my number. On the other hand I really just want to say no. I’d be fine with us having each other’s numbers for emergencies but I don’t want to talk to her. I don’t want to plan my brother’s birthday party with her. I’m not so sure I even want to go to my brother’s birthday party. Am I the asshole if I say no?
TLDR; My brother married my best friend, they had a child together, three years later he told everybody that he had been tricked into marrying her and never loved her. They divorced early summer of 2018. This last Christmas he announced the gender of the baby he’s having with the woman who had lived with them for about 2 years while they helped her get back on her feet. Needless to say, I’m not happy with either of them. My brother’s new baby mama now wants me to text her about planning my brother’s birthday party and.. I really don’t want to talk to her at all. Am I the asshole for saying no?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
pWRq72qlL1M9o9r1I0Rz0XkrX7TdiYCN
|
aqegw0
|
{
"description": "not listening to my (ex) gf",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not listening to my (ex) gf?
|
So, first of all im on mobile, now that thats out of the way lets begin
This story starts just at the begining of the school year in september. I was 16 and had never been in a relationship before. I was (and still am) bad with social skills and have a hard time making friends irl. But online is where i shine. So in september i was playing VRchat (i dont anymore) and met this girl. She seemed sweet and we became friends. We friend each other on discord and talk a lot. Im gonna call her K.
So K texts me a few days later saying she likes me. I, the 16 year old autist i am, take this and we get in a relationship. And when this happens, the red flags show. Turns out she is suicidal, a furry (i dont have a thing against you people) and manipulative. But not in a normal sense. She would pressure me into seeing her nude. There was a time she sent me furry porn during class (it was a miscommunication). She had one rule for me, and im glad i didnt listen to her looking back. It was to not tell anyone.
2 weeks go by and i tell someone who she says is her ex. After that she breaks up with me. Me, being devastated. Tries to get her back. But it fails and i forget about her.(my mom went missing so i was focused on that). After about a week i see that im not blocked on snapchat and i decide to see how she is.
It turns out she blamed me for ruining her life, of which she cut herself (again) and had to go to the hospital. And (allegedly, but likely not) burned down a house. Thats when i decided to just get rid of her. And the last thing i sent her was.
"Cool😎"
This expirience would come to ruin my next relationship( another story i will do later). But i do want to know
Am i an asshole for not listening?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
WRONG
|
ezHOQPl7e2hiUY3AA8Jom4UGMzq0OZPX
|
a6ugk9
|
{
"description": "being upset at my girlfriend for leaving me alone at her house",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset at my girlfriend for leaving me alone at her house?
|
So today my girlfriend invited me over to her place to chill with her while she got high on a psychedelic, just to like chill. I currently don't have a car or cell phone, so the plan originally was that she drop me off in the morning at my mom's place, and then my mom drop me back off at her place around 4 or 5 this afternoon while my gf is tripping.
​
However, when we woke up this morning, my girlfriend asked me to stay, and I said sure, as long as I get the chance to go by my dorm to pick up some study material. We do that, hang out for around thirty minutes, and then she gets high. This was around 2, and she decided to go for a walk for a couple of hours after it hit. That was fine with me, I figured she'd be back around the time we originally planned to hang out (she confirmed this saying she'd be gone for around two hours.) Since college students in general can be a bit iffy with times i figured I'd assume she'd get back about an hour after that and was still okay with that, and started on my studying. I also had time to do some artwork for her.
​
Three-ish hours go by, its now six o'clock, and I'm wondering where she is. It's dark out, and I'm concerned, and honestly quite bored sitting in her room with only my computer. I contact her and she says she isn't going to be back for another two hours. She suggests I socialize with her three (male) roommates until she gets back. I have social anxiety particularly around men due to a traumatic experience, and she's aware of this, so I felt this was kind of inconsiderate. In addition, since I don't have a functioning phone, I can't contact any of my friends to get a ride back to my dorm. I could walk, but it's about an hour walk and it's honestly not safe for a small female such as myself, especially considering I don't have my phone. I could get a ride from her roommates as well, but I feel this also puts them in kind of an unfair situation and I don't really want to involve them particularly when the worst thing that'll happen from me staying until she gets here is hurt feelings and boredom.
​
I know there aren't any huge negative consequences of this, and my girlfriend really DOES do a lot for me and is amazing aside from this and is generally super understanding of my anxiety, but I'm incredibly stressed. I feel like she kind of put me in an unfair situation, but I also feel like I'm making a big deal out of nothing especially because does so much else for me and it makes me feel ungrateful that I'm not happy with her.
​
TL;DR: GF ditched me for a five hour walk while she got high aita for being upset even though other than this she's great?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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