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|
aik3hu
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{
"description": "getting annoyed at my gf over a cup of coffee",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for getting annoyed at my GF over a cup of coffee?
|
So,
I’ll try to keep it simple.
I make more money than my GF. Albeit that, I am also more “money conscious” if that makes sense. So to recap, we went out for a $70 dinner which I paid for. No worries. Then we grab some Starbucks, I ALWAYS buy her coffee almost every day tbh. She ordered herself coffee and just paid for it. This instance sort of upset me because she didn’t even think to offer to grab me a coffee, and I sure as hell didn’t want to pay for one after this pricey dinner.
Earlier this week, she mentioned that she had $150 for the next week and she needed to spend it wisely. I figured this would be her reason not to pay for my coffee, which was cool, so I didn’t ask her about it. Later that night she brags to me about the amazing savings she just got on victoriasecret.com and that she just had to buy something because the $30 price tag was so cheap.
AITA for being annoyed that she didn’t even consider a simple gesture like grabbing me a coffee today?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
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b6lhm7
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{
"description": "demanding to go through my partner's phone",
"pronormative_score": 66,
"contranormative_score": 65
}
|
AITA for demanding to go through my partner’s phone?
|
For context: we’ve been dating for 1.5 years. Also for context, we’re both pretty private with our phones, her more than me. Her notifications don’t go to the lock screen, and she has a complicated password I’d never guess (not that I’d normally care; I barely even noticed until now).
This happened last night and I can’t shake through whether or not I’m justified. We were cuddling and a name called “Ken 😜” popped up on her phone on FaceTime. She tried to reject it really quickly but it seemed suspicious to me. I asked her who was that and she hesitated a moment before admitting it was her ex. This bothered me because we both don’t really say positive things about our exes, and I have no idea why he’d FaceTime (I don’t know if it’s just me, but video calling seems a lot more personal than phone calls or text messages).
I asked her if she normally talks to her ex and she says no; they never talk, and doesn’t know why he called. I asked why was his name saved as that if she never talks to him, and she got annoyed and maintained that it was from when they were dating and she never deleted it.
I asked her if she’d mind if I saw her text messages; not for everyone, just for that specific person. Or if I could look at her call logs. She looked at my like I had four eyes and was **PISSED**. She said that why do I want to go snooping on her phone? It’s a breach of privacy. I replied that I didn’t see it as snooping; it was just suspicious that a name she supposedly never talked to FaceTimed her, and it wouldn’t really take much to confirm her story. She restated that if I kept up acting crazy, she’d lose me, and I’m acting ridiculous. We fought, and as of now, we’re not speaking.
I never really had a reason to not trust her, which is why I think I might be acting crazy. At the same time, it would’ve taken a quick 5 second glance to confirm her story. As it stands, it just sounds sketchy, and I can’t tell if she’s just that private, or is hiding something. I would normally NEVER go through my partner’s phone without probably cause, but an ex FaceTiming you and the sketchiness just seemed weird.
AITA for wanting to go through her phone?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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axbkxg
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{
"description": "accusing my neighbors of shovelling snow brhind my car",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for accusing my neighbors of shovelling snow brhind my car?
|
I live in a building with a parking lot, all owned by my rental agency. There is a house along one side that shares the lot and has a parking spot, but they do not own their spot. When I moved in I did not own a car, so I allowed the neighbors to use my allocated spot for themselves or their friends.
After I got a car, the neighbors started to act in an unfriendly way towards me. They are both men, we'll call them Jim and Bob. Jim immediately started complaining about how I parked too closely to his car. The lot has to accomodate 9 people and it is a tight fit but no one else complains. I was well within my lines, it wasn't as if I was parking half in his spot. Just too close to the edge in his opinion. A reasonably good driver would still have ample room to get out. It felt like harrassment more than it did a real complaint. He would come out of the house and ask me to repark the car to his liking. He would also come out and stand on his stairs whenever I was coming and going, for what purpose I don't know. I am a careful driver and have never had an accident, nor have I ever dinged someone's car. I felt like he was not treating me with the good will that I had shown him when I allowed him to park in my spot before I had a car.
Today we got a lot of snow so I went out to shovel. There was a huge pile of snow behind my car. I was frustrated and immediately assumed the couple was responsible for it. That they had shovelled out one of their cars at their convenience. I was angry so I started shovelling and piling snow in a way that would leave them with more work to get their second car out. Bob comes out and says, "Don't pile the snow so it will be harder for me to shovel myself out." I replied, "I would have appreciated if you did not pile snow behind my car." Jim comes to the door and claims someone else came by and did that. They immediately start hurling insults at me. I tell them to fuck off. They go back inside.
As it turns out, a snow removal crew was responsible for the pile behind my car. They were having issues with their plow and returned later to finish the job. Bon and Jim come out and make small tall with the two man crew, saying loudly stuff like "It is nice to know there are good people left in the world."
I feel bad for accusing them and losing my temper. But my thought processes was that this was something they were capable of, since they had treated me poorly and in a bullying fashion from the start. AITA for losing my temper and accusing them? I would have gone and apologized for the misunderstanding, but for the fact that they had threatened to stick a meat hook in my ass and have generally treated me like a subordinate when they have no place to do so.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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|
arfjic
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{
"description": "threating to never let my mom see her grandkids",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For threating to never let my mom see her grandkids.
|
On mobile so screw formatting right?
So this happened when I was 16 at the time. My brother was deported for having an drunk underage girl with an almost empty bottle of gin and a baggy of weed in her hoodie and having his pipe out and another baggy of weed in his trunk. My mom spent well over 40k on an attorney to have almost all of the charges dropped. He was still convicted on possession of marijuana, parafonalia and a DUI . He was going to get 4 months in a county jail but I started laughing at his trial and he threw his chair at me and they made it a year and a half.
So my mom barges into my room and starts to scold me about getting a job and how my brother worked at 14 and how lazy I am. I was pissed and told her that I can't get a job whilst holding a visa for education and if I was caught I would be deported. She said that some random lady's daughter was working at Hardee's and she was here for education too. I said that I would rather focus on getting good grades and stacking my things for when college application time comes around. She just scoffed and told me to find a job. But for the mean time she drops it
I cue me telling my dad that I have a test for my French 3 class and if I get a high enough score I get a stamp on my diploma proving I can speak it fluently. I told him I wanted to take the same test but for Spanish as it would look better than just saying I know Spanish. He got mad and said that I shouldn't do it since it was a waste of money, even though it only cost $20 to take the test. My mom just starts talking about how my brother is so hard working and how much money he made (illegally) and that I should follow in his footsteps.
I then brought up that I'd rather get good grades then be a druggie at a dead end Job that has to go to a remedial school because of his shit grades and all his absences. She starts yelling about how disrespectful I am and how I should never criticize my brother cuz he's just a hard worker. I clapped back with," Really, what job is he working rn in Mexico?" She got red and tried taking my phone. I told her that if she wants me to be like my brother that I'd gladly go buy some weed rn and crash the car so I can get deported so I could leech off my parents at 23yo. She told me that my brother never asked my dad for $20 a week . I asked her if that's really what she wants to fight about rn.
My mom doesn't cook. We're not poor by any means. My mom doesn't like buying food either. I can't legally get a job so I have to ask my mom to let me buy food. She always thows it in my face whenever we argue so I just decided to ask for an allowance from my dad. So I told her that $20 is just too hurtful but that she'll gladly go spend 10k each on my brother and the random bitch he found at a bar to bring them here illegally. Her voice started to shake and I said that if the $20 a week I ask for so I can eat lunch since no one cooks at home and there's nothing to cook with even if someone wanted to.
So is $20 too much to spend on a 16yo boy that is supposed to be eating more and growing more and that even the doctors say that she has stunted my growth to then Turn around and spend $300 a week on a grown man that is perfectly capable of taking care of himself. To give him money to order supreme and Gucci online because he thinks "Looking poor is gross". That she would rather buy him $400 frames and $100 lenses but then refuse to let me have glasses because you think of people with glasses as disabled.
To give him 2 cars and have him irreparably crash both. To give him a phone since he was 10. To give him a new phone 13 different times because he kept breaking them. To let him refer to you as "stupid Bitch" and let him call you "The whore". To let him emotionally manipulate you time and time again for money. That if she thinks that $20 a week is enough for a teenager to eat off of. I was livid at this point. I said that she should pray and hope I let her see her grandkids if she keeps treating me like I'm just some bill she has to pay.
Oh and a side note. My parents never remember my birthday. Something just clicks in them making them itch to to ruin what is supposed to be a happy day. I have never had a birthday where I wasn't left crying from getting yelled at by my parents. But when it comes to my brother they have all the love I the world to give. So am I the asshole.
TLDR; My mom compares me to my brother and tells me to get a job even though I'm not legally allowed to, I brought up everything that my brother has ever done. She tries to take my phone and criticize me some more and I threaten her that she'll never see her grandkids if she keeps treating me like this
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
MEcYdW1l8cGikrCIQ6qeGg2ycA6a51Lo
|
aux5sn
|
{
"description": "sleeping with a friend without asking her if she effectively left her boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA sleeping with a friend without asking her if she effectively left her boyfriend
|
I'm kinda torn about this and think I fucked up.
A week ago a friend of mine tells me she will break up with her boyfriend. I assume she did it and we meet on friday as planned some time before. After a few hours of hiking with her and me being quite tired due to having partied a bit too much the previous night (hangover, diziness and so on - I know hiking wasn't the smartest idea), she accompanies me back to my place.
I sort of get better after drinking a lot of water, we watch Netflix as we usually do and she starts a pillow fight because I joked about her being small.
One thing leads to another and we're snuggling. At that point she asks me "assume we have sex right now, would you have sex with me because you desire me or because you have the opportunity of having sex with a woman?". Well I was honest with her and told her that I indeed find her very attractive and that it wouldn't be the same as having sex with a random woman.
Now this is where I should have asked "but did you quit your boyfriend?". The idea went through my head but I directly assumed she wasn't the kind of girl to cheat on her boyfriend so I dismissed it.
And well the next morning I asked her how did her breakup go. That's when she tells me she didn't breakup, because the moment she wanted to her boyfriend told her his grandmother died and she didn't want to add more pain. She then told me she wasn't proud of what she did and that I was an asshole for not assuming I was helping her cheat on her boyfriend and trying to be morally intact from this story.
Since then, I'm feeling bad because well, my last girlfriend cheated on me and I was devastated for months and I'm the sort of guy who believes that I shouldn't do to others what I wouldn't want them to do to me. She left him yesterday though, but won't ever tell him this story.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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SW8q5V2w5GAPCgCGRWu8pbFOXV9H64S3
|
arnejh
|
{
"description": "not correcting my coworker on how much he tipped",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For not correcting my coworker on how much he tipped?
|
So my coworker took me out to dinner one night since we’re both here on a project and he paid with a company credit card. He makes a joke about how his boss got onto him for spending too much at restaurants while traveling some time and he mentioned it’s because he usually tips around 20% which I thought no big deal.
Now for some context, my coworker has been working here ~10 years or so and I just started so he’s not exactly my boss, more like a mentor, so he does have some superiority over me(idk if that’s the right phrasing but hopefully you get what I mean).
Where things get questionable is when the bill comes by. The total is like $69 before tip, so to tip 20% he puts under the tip $14. No big deal. However he did the mental math wrong somehow and put $73 for the total instead of $83. I noticed it but didn’t say anything because I didn’t want him to think I’m smarter than him or make him feel stupid especially since I’m new and don’t want to start things off on the wrong foot with a mentor. Now AITA for not saying something since there’s a chance that the waitress will only get a $4 tip on a $69 tab?
I genuinely don’t think he did it on purpose since he just said he tips 20% and he’s also everything but an asshole. I just don’t know if what I did could be considered assholeish behavior.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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DW7epwxCgTEj1LzDa3iPRBLyazV4MkcZ
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acwcjd
| null |
AITA in a very serious fight I got in with my dad for laughing/giggling on the phone?
|
This morning, we were supposed to go to my grandpa's house (which is an hour drive away) with my dad to help them move some couches. The day before, he told me about this, and I told him okay and asked him around what time we would leave. He said "I don't know, maybe 10-11 in the morning?" At 9:00 I was already up, but my dad didn't come to my room to say let's go so I just took a shower and got ready, I was out of shower by 10:20 and ready to leave. Apparently, my dad came to my bathroom and heard I was in the shower, got irritated or something, and when I was out of the shower and all dressed up he gave me a call on my phone and said "Hey, are we finally going, you realize it's 10:45?" to which I replied with "... Yeah" I giggled a tiny bit because he had a sarcastic/irritated tone and told me an exaggerated time, something like 10:45 when it wasn't even 10:30 or maybe even 10:20. And also at the fact that he called me instead of knocking on my door. My giggle/laugh on the phone might've sound a bit "in your face", but I was also a little annoyed because he never game me an exact time the day before, never called me prior to coming to my bathroom door even though I was up since 9:00 or did anything to notify me we should go and yet he was still irritated that we hadn't left by 10:20.
​
After hearing my response, my dad said "okay let's go" but after hanging up, he slowly started getting angrier and started shouting and left the house without letting me in the car, telling me "he didn't want me to come". To my grandpa, which I haven't seen in a while, and needs my help to move some things around. He was shouting like crazy on the phone when my mom called him to come back, he was talking about me as if he's disowning me almost, being extremely agitated and angry and out of control. I realize my giggle may have sounded disrespectful, but I think his reaction was way over the top, but do you guys think he was right in getting so angry? He is known for having anger issues, when I texted my grandpa saying "My dad and I had a fight this morning so I can't come today, sorry" he replied "Don't worry, I know how your dad is". My dad can do crazy things when he's angry.
​
At the same time, he is my father who raised me and did everything for me, so to laugh/giggle on the phone like that (I didn't laugh in his face, but it was a short giggle of maybe 1 second) , I am also just as much of an asshole. Like I said, I can see why he would be somewhat upset with me doing that, although my reason for doing so was him being irritated at me to be begin with.
​
This story may sound like complete gibberish, I don't even know, but I feel a very strong desire for catharsis here. Was he right in acting that way? Am I the bigger asshole, or is he? Thanks for putting up with this gibberish and careless writing.
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
0xoCOJPO6IUxEn08OmZaxwoRy3VAQsoI
|
b1vgg2
|
{
"description": "being pissed at my family for forcing a birthday celebration on me",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being pissed at my family for forcing a birthday celebration on me?
|
I don't know if I can still post this here because this happened on my 18th birthday 2 years ago. I just remembered this because my sister showed me my reaction during this time on her phone.
​
You guys know that thing restaurants do when you tell them it's your birthday? I specifically asked my family NOT to do this.
* I wanted a quiet celebration where we can just eat and enjoy the food.
* I'm a very reserved person and I don't like people looking at me.
* I also know they're only doing it so that they can post it on Facebook and get likes/comments. I'm not active on any social media except Reddit. It's annoying that they're doing this just to get validation on social media.
​
When the waiters arrived with their crew, singing happy birthday to me, my mother and sisters already had their phones out and were laughing at me because I was scowling the whole time. After the song and the waiters left, my sisters scolded me that, at the very least, I should have smiled. They told me that I was ungrateful, that there are other people who would've been glad to have that kind of celebration. I was just glad the whole thing was over.
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
bKdzwyj2qgAi2PpBIFlKlKcB2axTeeOt
|
arh80p
|
{
"description": "quitting my job",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for quitting my job?
|
Okay, the reason I’m posting this is because I have mixed results from my coworkers and friends. I’m on mobile, so sorry for any issues. TLDR @ bottom
Some backstory; I’m a 16 y/o shift manager at a fast food chain. Over the summer I was working 50-60 hours a week, and when school started I said I can only work Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. This was obviously a blow to the management team, which consists of two full time managers (GM and AGM) and then another part time student who only works Sunday .
Here is where the controversy comes in. I want to quit very badly. The reason is that I asked off 2 weeks ago for this coming Friday because I have finals this week (my school runs trimesters, weird right?) and I want to work on papers that are due at midnight. So my manager, when doing the schedule last thursday, got mad at me and told a coworker that she’s going to schedule me for Wednesday because i shouldn’t have asked off for a day that I usually work.
Well, I’m screwed now because I have finals and a presentation due on Thursday and I will be working to ~11 Wednesday night, when I specifically said at the beginning of the school year I couldn’t work schooldays. My coworkers are saying I’d be an douche because I would leave the management stranded with no closer for Friday thru Sunday, especially seeing that we are starting to get busy now that the weather is picking up.
TLDR: GM got mad at me because I asked off for a day I usually work because I have finals, so she schedules me a close in the middle of finals week. Our management team would be fucked if I left, but I want to quit.
So WIABTA
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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9i8fdf8A5X3sqIXfz86O4VrG4O8PmDMl
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a4n4fg
|
{
"description": "not spending christmas with my SO's family even though I'm free that day",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not spending christmas with my SO's family even though I'm free that day
|
For starters I've been with my SO for 3 years, and we are very much in love. Despite the 3 years we have never spent Christmas together, as we usually spend it with our respective families, and even though it's a bit sad to not spend the holiday together we are both happy enough about the arrangement.
This year, due to a hospital, scheduling and flights, my family has decided to 'delay' Christmas and celebrate it after the date to ensure we can all be together.
This means I am free to spend Christmas with SO's family.
And I have chosen not to, despite being invited.
My first reason is that I have a lot of allergens. This basically means that a Christmas dinner for me is not traditionally. It would mean I would need an entirely separate dinner that wasn't contaminated by the rest of the food. (I wouldnt die, I'd just be sick)
I asked could I prepare my own dinner but was told guests cant be in the kitchen. Personally I would feel awful asking someone to prepare an entirely separate dish (when they are already stressed trying to make the first one perfect)
Secondly, I have misophonia ( I know people feel like this is made up-but the sound of people eating really gets to me: think of it like, being afraid of spiders, but having to eat a dinner in a room crawling with them, or being afraid of heights and eating dinner suspended from a cliff) I mean totally could do it, but it's upsetting and you may end up having a panic attack.
Now my SO is cool with my decision, and has been very understanding about it, but the question is:
is this rational or am I being a total selfish asshole (and therefore need to apologize with a kick ass Christmas present)
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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LBSZUNYeX6Quf5xTLSsiuU85J03lkLTt
|
ag148o
|
{
"description": "getting my ex-gf in legal trouble with the FTC",
"pronormative_score": 93,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for getting my ex-gf in legal trouble with the FTC?
|
tl;dr at the bottom
Context: A little over a year and a half ago my ex and I broke up after roughly 2 and a half years of dating. It was a pretty messy situation and I ended up moving back in with my mom. Since this time, she has repeatedly caused me significant problems one way or another, such as extorting me for $500 or so dollars and filing false sexual abuse allegations against me with our university (which ended up getting totally thrown out because it was utter bullshit filled with white lies and misrepresentation) leading to me having to take nearly a year in time off school. In hindsight, she was a very good manipulator and was nearly 3 years older than me, leading to me to make many dubious decisions for my own well being in order to further her own agenda and financial security. Last contact I had with her was shortly after the case resolution, when I informed her I had taken out a restraining order against her since I couldn't afford any more serious legal action against her.
The Story: Flash forward to roughly a month ago when I found out I had overpaid for something a fair while back (what it was doesn't really matter) and asked to receive a refund for that amount. They obliged, saying they can only send out a check and it might take a bit for it to process. So, I wait and wait, figuring Christmas season may result in slowed mail service, but nothing ever shows up. Finally, I call them to ask where the check is, and they said it had been received and deposited. WTF? I was absolutely clueless how that could have been the case, so I actually go in to review information with them and find my shipping address had never been updated from my old apartment I shared with my ex. Huh, that raised red flags. I did a little more digging and discovered she had taken the check, forged my signature, and deposited it to her account.
It wasn't a lot of money per say, but seeing as I had never really been given the chance to seek legal recourse against her, I naturally reported the check fraud to the FTC (and the local police) who said they'd get back to me about the status of it. Shortly after that initial conversation, the police reached out to me and informed me they (them and the FTC, I'm guessing) are indeed investigating the case and she could face serious criminal charges/fines. Frankly, I was happy with the result, even if it meant I'm not going to see the money for a little bit. When I told this story to some colleagues, they told me I'm a dick/shitty person for reporting her rather than just asking for the money back, even knowing the bad blood between us. She has had me blocked on all social media and forms of communication for awhile and it would have been virtually impossible for me to reach her and ask for the money back other than by letter, let alone get a response at all.
So, AITA for reporting her crime, albeit partially motivated by revenge? I'm not usually a vengeful person and anyone else I probably would have given a chance to return the money but with no way to reach her and a history of her trying to wring money out of me, I didn't feel very inclined to any mercy.
tl;dr: crazy ex who has really messed with my life in the past accidentally receives a check that was for me and forges my signature to cash the check. I report her to the FTC in a final act of revenge but people are saying I'm an asshole for going straight to that instead of seeking out informal means.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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|
awoyzc
|
{
"description": "not inviting an aunt to a bbq and creating a rift in the family",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not inviting an aunt to a bbq and creating a rift in the family.
|
At new years, my great aunt was being extremely rude to two of my cousins. She insulted their mother, saying she was too self centered to care about her family and show up (she was working.) They told her to lay off and that talking about someone behind their back is rude as fuck. She went of on them for being disrespectful to an adult (they are 23 and 26 so?). She got worse as she got more tipsy, calling them lazy (they aren't) implying their mother was unfaithful and that they may not be their dads biological sons (no reason to think this). She was so nasty both cousins left.
My sister and I were planning hosting a bbq at our house, and the two cousins will be invited. Last time we had seen rude aunt prior to planning had been a few days before when we were at our grandparents house and she came over for dinner. She started trying to talk shit about the cousins until my grandpa told her he didn't want gossip at his dinner table. So we knew she hadn't let this thing with the cousins go. My sister and I invited most (but not all) of our relatives in to town to this bbq we are hosting weekend after next. We did not invite rude aunt, but invited a few other aunts an uncles, including some of her siblings. She found out about the party, and called me to ask details. I calmly told her she was not invited because at New Years and at dinner she demonstrated she could not be civil towards other relatives and my sister and I did not want that in our home. She got angry and once she started to raise her voice I said sorry goodbye and hung up on her. Later another aunt called my sister to tell her we were being rude and unforgiving and that "Christ wants us to forgive". She told her sorry but it was never about forgiveness for past actions to begin with, it was about aunt's current attitude. She got angry and got hung up on as well. Later the two cousins called and asked if rude aunt really wasn't coming. I guess she had been being a bitch to them and their mom ever since new years, like insulting them on facebook and to other relatives and to their faces, and they had already skipped another event just to avoid her.
We thought all this was sorted and we would just have a bbq minus 2 aunts, but we went to grandmas today to find out that this has caused some sort of civil war in the family. Half the fam think my sister and I are assholes, either because we should be forgiving or we should mind our own business. Now I guess people are uninviting people from events based in their "side" of this.
I feel like we were justified in not inviting her but now I'm wondering if we made this bigger a deal than it needed to be. In trying to avoid a fight, we created an even bigger one. Are we the assholes for causing this family schism? Did we make a mountain out of a molehill?
TL;DR We didn't invite an Aunt to a barbecue because she was rude to some cousins and caused a split in the whole damn family.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
mImYV3hH3fZHcuBf2KLNBK9P4q5i45jB
|
b7yyfo
|
{
"description": "feeling disgusted at the spending my best friend is doing at her wedding",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for feeling disgusted at the spending my best friend is doing at her wedding?
|
So, I'm from a SE Asia country where getting married is an extremely big deal. Like, from the moment a child is born the parents start saving for its wedding because it's really important in our culture.
Recently, my best friend got engaged. And she's really excited about her big day. Theres a hundred different functions with rituals and designer outfits and food and what not. She confided in me that her wedding budget is somewhere near $300,000. And their family can easily afford it. It's not like she's forcing someone to.lay for her wedding
But the thing is, I come from a poor country. I see so much poverty around me. Homelessness. Kids on the street who are suffering from malnutrition. And I just can't help thinking how much help this money could have done to them but now it's been spent on a two day event. I don't want to feel like this because my friend is a sweetheart with nothing but joy and positivity to give to everyone but I have started resenting all this spending when there's so many money related problems in the world.
AITA for feeling this way?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
qHZ4Icmyp4I2swnZ07z3qaGBMN0ZmyoX
|
azixt2
| null |
AITA - Friend (F31) wants me (F33) discuss how I treat her at D&D - not IRL - and won’t accept that I have other stuff to deal with
|
A friend who spoiled our last two D&D sessions by getting steaming drunk (and then subsequently ruined a dinner party I hosted when one of my friend’s parents were visiting our continent) is sending me endless accusatory Facebook messages wanting to have a chat about how I bully, intimidate and belittle her in D&D sessions.
She has sent different messages to me and my husband (who is also in our D&D group) about whether the issue is just in D&D or also in IRL; we’ve been friends and playing together for over a year and this hasn’t come up before.
I’ve said sorry, but that I don’t have time to meet her over the next few weeks due to, frankly, grown up stuff (funeral, new job, infertility issues, work travel etc). I gave up two evenings last month, and my husband spent one separate evening with her, meeting to discuss her behaviour and drinking. I’m trying to be sympathetic, but I’m a grown ass woman and this is just a game we play. She is I guess old enough to know this, but equally was a student for much longer than me and doesn’t have a partner.
From her perspective, I do play aggressively and I have little time for time wasting, but a lot of my frustration with her is due to her drunkenness. Other - male - players in our group play similarly to me.
She has now expressed that I’m avoiding her, being too melodramatic about a request for a chat, and that as a friend I should prioritise meeting with her to discuss this even though we are both busy. She is also accusing me of bullying, missing the point of her original request and is threatening to quit the D&D group.
I think it’s just a game and she should grow up. I’m sorry if she’s unhappy with how I play and I don’t want to make her uncomfortable, but her request for a meeting to discuss this is overkill and her accusations are false and hurtful.
TL;DR Drunk D&D group member wants me to drop real life shit to attend to discussing with her how my playing makes her feel bullied.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
cPJe276Yp1A5e41LTL4XC6YmhMkWpO3H
|
9tqydo
|
{
"description": "not speaking to my mother while she's in prison",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not speaking to my mother while she's in prison
|
My mom has been in prison for 3 years now and i don't write, call, or visit. She was charged with possession of meth and endangering a child (my little brother). I know what she did was wrong and she deserves her sentence, but i can't get over the thought of her spending every birthday, thanksgiving, and christmas alone with not a single word from her kids or family. I just found out she's going to be in there for another 5 years, yet i can't bring myself to contact her and i feel like a dick for it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
qnAqA1Pqb05e1wXssYlstfaIOjSazZ0V
|
az87hb
|
{
"description": "not wanting to watch my girlfriend's dog",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not wanting to watch my girlfriend's dog?
|
My girlfriend has just gotten a 5 month old puppy, who is usually mild mannered, however is not yet properly trained to relieve itself outside, somewhat frequently resorting to using her apartment floor as a substitute for mother nature. Before adopting this animal, I told her that most, if not all, of the caretaking would be up to her, and she fully agreed to it, as she is in the process of registering it as an emotional support animal, and her general outlook on life has, admittedly, increased since it got brought back to her place. I have provided transportation (3 total, there and back), money to adopt the dog in the first place (which will be paid back, eventually), as well as more of my own money, which I have said does not need returned, for a cage and bed. Originally, my girlfriend had wanted to take this dog into work with her, a nursing home type facility in which others are allowed to bring their dogs, but she has been told that a 5 month old, 25 pound border collie mix is "too large," and is not entirely welcome, even though the place that assigned her to this nursing home said that it would be fine. For clarification, she was hired by a third party, and this nursing home works in conjunction with the business that she works for. I told her that, if she was to move in with me in several months at the end of her lease, that I did not want a small dog, such as a terrier. That simply comes down to my own preference, and since we will be living together, her dog will become *our* dog at that point, even though the main responsibilities will lie on her. Just today, she has asked me if I would be willing to stay overnight at her apartment while one of her roommates and her friend are there as well, in a separate room, while she undertakes a 24 hour shift at the nursing home. After quite a bit of deliberation, I said that I was largely uncomfortable with it, that I didn't want to sacrifice my own comfort for the convenience of several others. To make up for my lack of willingness, she will currently need to either take her dog with her to work, and potentially get in some(?) amount of trouble, or leave it at her apartment with others around, and financially compensate her roommate to tolerate the noise that it creates, feed, and potentially pick up after it. There have been many situations throughout the time that the two of us have been together that she has felt very poorly about telling me no about something, and while I do not say no very often, I have decided to tonight, for now, and feel like absolute shit about it. She said that it was my decision to make, and while it is not the one that she would have preferred, there's not much that she can do to influence me, and simply remarked the situation by saying "oh well" similar to how I do with her saying no, and left it at that.
So, Reddit, AITA for not wanting to watch her dog?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
pfmKncpAUBr61QNSquVCX5AHJnHzwNKF
|
b51rbu
|
{
"description": "trying to become a peacekeeper",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to become a peacekeeper?
|
For some background info, I live in EU, I'm 18-year-old athletic guy, I like planing my life financially and in many other ways. I'm saving for university and general costs of living.
​
The story wraps around one particular military program, that I have applied for, a training program that helps me to become a peacekeeper. All the training and a deployment takes around 2 years. It normally takes half a year if your going to be a normal infantry. The thought of me becoming a peacekeeper startled my father, he doesn't like that, he wants me to go straight to college or university and finish my army stuff as fast as possible. But my plan has been to serve a little longer.
​
My dad is the problem, he has said time to time that you aren't cut for the job, this pisses me off, I shrug it off. I don't want to argue with him. As i usually say: "I have already made my choice", but I still listen to him. I should've listened to my closest friends advice, not tell parents, like his brother. I thought this would be more harmful to family relations, but after seeing the results of telling my parents about this, I can tell that I should've done the same.
​
Half a year ago I had final exams to study and forgot about the army thing. The problem started yesterday when I mailed an application where I accepted to partake in the trials, me and my parents were going to a shopping mall, trying to find a mailbox and get some shopping done. As I was stepping out of the car, father said to me to think this through again, hinting that this was a stupid idea. I froze for a second to process what he said, I quickly gathered my inner self and stepped out of the car. After dropping the letter in the mailbox, it ruined my fathers day, he got sad and ruined the day for everyone else, but I didn't let the feelings get to me even though it was hard.
​
Later in the evening when I was going for my regular 3 kilometer run. He gave me a note, I read it. It was demands that I start buying and cooking my own food now on, wash all the dished and so on. I could still live in the house and he would still pay the gas for the car because we shared his work car. I just want to add that my father has always done this, a punishment for doing something wrong.
​
TL;DR Applied for peacekeeper duties to get money for university, lost some family respect.
​
**Hi people of the sub, I had to cut the story dramatically to fit the 3000 word limit, I have the original one which is near 5000 characters long. I can post it, if asked, it goes in to detail about everything. But I hope that this would be enough to make a judgement.**
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
Ba39GgeO7Jokww0uX9iOIUzjVxNCJUOb
|
apr7jh
|
{
"description": "telling my exgirlfriend I have feelings for her best friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for telling my exgirlfriend I have feelings for her best friend?
|
So we broke up almost a year ago, in March, due to things not working out the way we wanted, not from anything dire or situational. In a sense it was more of a mutual breakup.
A little background:
Her best friend had to leave our friend group due to unrelated circumstances, and I hadn't seen her in years. We used to talk but weren't very close. However, with some damn mighty fine timing, she came back a few months after me and my ex broke up.
With a mix of post breakup loneliness, and the resparking of an old friendship, I developed feelings for her best friend.
With that being said, I'll describe it very broadly to get the gist: last November, while I was alone one day just talking with my ex about random things, it came up, and she eventually got it out of me that I had feelings for her best friend.
She seemed fine at first, then after a few minutes I saw the anger and hurt set in, and she left me there.
A few days later she told me how selfish of a person I was not only because of that, but also during our relationship. She handed my ass to me with all the baggage she still carried from our relationship and let me know how hurt she was not only after but during it.
It just confuses me now that this is 8 months after our initial breakup, so it's hard to think about it objectively.
Me telling her my feelings for her best friend causes her to lash out on me about that and about our previous relationship, so am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
h6rZhlkzjIhu1JjDQE1ifZpunWh6bEDW
|
aurf6v
|
{
"description": "not telling my Girlfriend the real Reason I broke up with her",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for Not Telling my Girlfriend the Real Reason I Broke Up With Her?
|
My now ex girlfriend lives with her sister, and I would often spend time with both of them and sometimes just her sister. For the first two years, I was madly in love with my ex and the sister was always supportive. We all got along besides small fights between my ex and I or my ex and her sister.
However, after year two of dating, I started to notice some problems that my girlfriend and I had. Things like her not being as kind to me as I would have liked or her being very extroverted and me being very introverted. We would frequently have fights revolving around these issues. Despite these issues, we were still working hard to rise above them and live happily (nothing worth breaking up over).
Now brings me to the meat of the problem. My ex girlfriend's sister was introverted like me and was much kinder to me and all people in general. Granted she had her own problems, but they were issues that never really bothered me. Because of this I saw myself falling for her sister. I still loved my ex at the time, but I couldn't stop my feelings over her sister. I also think it's important to note that I never acted on these feelings besides maybe some mild flirting that I quickly ended when I realized what I was doing.
I tried for multiple months to suppress these feelings and find ways to make me not be in love with her sister. I tried everything I could, but I finally decided I had to end things with my long term girlfriend. She was shocked and angry to say the least. I explained that it was because of the other problems mentioned before (partially true), but I never mentioned her sister. She was very angry with me saying it was abrupt and things were improving. I said how sorry it was, but it just couldn't do it anymore.
I have since cut off all contact with both her and her sister, and I have no plans to try to make a relationship with her sister. So reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
tZrg0J9TfMm2BveytxiMXYXvFgGSMJXl
|
au0eno
|
{
"description": "kicking my cousin who may or may not have post-partum depression out of my wedding party",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for kicking my cousin who may or may not have post-partum depression out of my wedding party?
|
So I had 7 bridesmaids. One of them was my cousin.
My cousin just had a baby this past December. My cousin has always been kind of lazy and a flake, but now with her new baby it’s even worse. She is saying that she feels depressed, sleep deprived, and fat. I’m thinking she could potentially have post partum depression, but this is just a hunch. No official diagnosis has been made.
In November, I start asking everyone’s schedules so that I can get appointments made for picking out bridesmaid dresses. I made two appointments in February because getting all 7 to come on one day was going to be too much. My cousin picked the appointment later in the month because she wanted the extra time to lose weight after having the baby. No problem.
In January I sent out reminders to everyone about their appointments. I got a response from everyone except my cousin. I sent 2 more reminders to my cousin with no response. But the messages I sent did show as read so I know that she saw them.
A few days before her appointment she asks if she can reschedule, but doesn’t give any sort of reason why. I tell her no, because I made 2 appointment times for everyone to pick from and I had made them months in advance. She said ok and that she would make it to the appointment. My aunt (her mom) said that she was wanting to reschedule because she hadn’t lost enough baby weight and she wasn’t happy with how she looked.
Well today was the appointment day and the other bridesmaids who were scheduled showed up, but my cousin did not. My cousin didn’t message me or call or anything. Then I get a call from her after the appointment is over saying that she’s so sorry that she just woke up and that she has been really sleep deprived because of the baby. The appointment was at 1:30 in the afternoon. She was asking me if she could reschedule. I told her she can, but I won’t be going with her to whatever new appointment she makes as I’ve already done my part by making the original appointments.
I’m nosy and so I checked her Facebook to see if my cousin had been posting anything prior to the appointment time. Yep. She posted a status a half hour before the appointment time. So she definitely did not “oversleep”.
Then her mom (my aunt) calls me and says my cousin couldn’t come because she didn’t have the money to buy a dress and that she would be lending her the money to buy a dress and making sure that she showed up to her new appointment. Whatever.
At this point, I was so fed up that I told her not to worry about it. I don’t want someone to be in my wedding because their mom is forcing them. I feel like it’s like pulling teeth to get her to do anything she supposed to do. If being in my wedding was important to her, wouldn’t she have found a way to make it to the appointment? I really don’t understand why I am being ignored and lied to. Or am I not being understanding enough? I don’t have any kids and so I’ve never had post partum depression.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
RXvLtMO68RL0o6iUMgKydrrIEyLNoBgX
|
apfcmm
|
{
"description": "not meeting my ((ex)) boyfriends mom",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not meeting my ((ex)) boyfriends mom...?
|
This happened awhile ago but I still feel guilty about it. However I'm not sure I was an asshole or not.
The situation was that my online boyfriend who lived in another country next to me, went on a family trip to my country. Obviously with the intention of meeting each other, we were very in love. I was 16 and he 18. This was the first time I'd met him, and I was very nervous. What happened was that he wanted me to have breakfast with him and his mom at his hotel, and I refused to. I told him I couldn't do it and that I was too anxious. This started an argument because he felt I was being a bad guest because his mom and him had traveled to my country and I didn't even sit down and properly meet her. His mom also apparently started viewing me as shady because I didn't come. I told him I was too scared to meet her basically. I should add that I really was, pretty terrified.
He met my dad and my sister however, my dad grilled him with questions and I felt pretty bad. I did meet his brother and mom and introduced myself and shook hands.
Was I the asshole for not agreeing to meet his mom?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
PXM0C6kFHZ41sCMB6ZHJ157uGtJXwrwO
|
a7mykj
|
{
"description": "implying that my sister's bf's diagnosed paranoia might be why he thinks I'm out to get him",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for implying that my sister's bf's diagnosed paranoia might be why he thinks i'm out to get him
|
There's more backstory here but I feel like it might actually just cloud the answers(happy to expand on this if asked). My sister's bf thinks I am maliciously gaslighting him and trying to mess up his life, my response was that I don't really think about him all that much and maybe this is his diagnosed paranoia/anxiety cropping up?
​
That comment made him very upset and he actually used the word asshole in his response...sooo am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
9KwMSmmvXZ9tS11NZXopqbqAFPGxoUYk
|
b4d6r5
|
{
"description": "being mad about my friend keeping something I loaned to him at someone else's house",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being mad about my friend keeping something I loaned to him at someone else’s house?
|
I let my friend borrow a $150 piece of tech, as I wasn’t using it anymore. He then gave it to a friend of his to keep. The dude is responsible enough, but has 3 roommates and people coming in and out of his house drinking all the time. I texted my friend saying I’m not going to do anything about it (since like I said, the dude is fairly responsible), but that it was uncool of him to keep it at the other guy’s without even telling me.
He texted back arguing with me, saying that it was safer to keep it there instead of taking it back and forth all the time. It’s not necessarily fragile, putting it in a sock and then in his pocket would be totally safe. I think he’s just arguing with me to avoid being wrong, but I feel as though it’s not really a question.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
LiQtpLfKm3TExbBH2lckMiXaUlouvKAo
|
ad7hh6
|
{
"description": "being mad at my wife's ex buying her bras",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being mad at my wife's ex buying her bras?
|
My wife is still friends with an ex-boyfriend of hers and whenever I bring up that I'm not very comfortable with it, she says I'm being jealous and possessive. For Christmas, this ex bought her bras and gave it to her in person, with a sny remark about knowing her size. I complained there and then and said he had no right, but they said I was being loud and it wasn't a big deal but friendly "banter". Later on when he left, my wife called me rude and said I didn't trust her. AITA for not trusting in my partner and not wanting her to be friends with somebody she's known before we ever met?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 23,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 23,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
mHOIOtwAH7MyCSs3QDgl3GsyMdA0ZXPq
|
axcl2j
|
{
"description": "wanting to cut my mom off if she keeps smoking/drinking",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for wanting to cut my mom off if she keeps smoking/drinking
|
I've (25f) been debating giving my mom (50s,f) an ultimatum. Im tired of her chainsmoking when Im around and not having respect for my health. She also drinks 2-3 beers/alcoholic drinks on her normal days. This wouldnt be a problem if she didnt underestimate her limit (she weighs a lot less now but thinks she can handle it the same). She becomes so overbearing when she drinks and I always just want to leave. I do not drink or smoke, so this is important to me.
I was pushed over the edge because of a trip I took with them over the weekend to visit my brothers family. Its a 10ish hour drive to and from and the whole time her and her bf smoked 1-2 cigarettes each an hour. Its their car, they're driving, I toughed it out on the way there.
Now on our way back, Im sick (Sore throat, runny nose, etc.) They lit up the entire time. I told them when there was about 4 hrs left, no more smoking. I was getting seriously nauseous at that point.
Im just so tired of her addictions and how she acts when I confront her about it. I just dont to be around it anymore. Would I be an Asshole if I cut her off because of these things?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
lRjW6qLwN7xMWe3pfQc50asDAfY4FQAU
|
aj4x5p
|
{
"description": "telling my roommate's mom to go home after she overstayed her welcome by 3 days",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my roommate's mom to go home after she overstayed her welcome by 3 days
|
\*\*Repost of my other post but wanted to fix the title...To start, I don't ever like being the bad guy...i normally go out of my way to avoid being the bad guy, but in this situation I couldn't hold my tongue anymore...
***For reference; K is my roommate, B is my roomate's son and J is my roommate's mother.***
K (29F) and I (30F) are really good friends and she helped me out when i was in a really crappy situation last year... I moved into her huge 5 bedroom house in July 2018 with her BF (30M) and her 11 yr old son, B.
Things have been going great so far, going on 6 months...we all cook, clean, laugh, enjoy each other's company and respect everyone...except one thing...K's mom J, is one of those mothers who thinks she needs to be involved in everything that's going on while she's staying at the house..even though she doesn't live here or pay any bills..Not only that, she brings her annoying 2 year old Husky with her every time and we always have to make sure he is not getting into it with the other animals as he is rowdy. She overstays her welcome every. single. time and makes all of us feel uncomfortable in our own homes.
*Ok..so here is what happened...*
K and BF were going out of town for a wedding over the weekend and K's son, B was going to his fathers house till Monday night due to the three day holiday weekend, so i will have the house to myself!! FYI..there are 4 people + 6 animals living in this house so when i get a chance to walk around with no pants on (*one of my favorite things to do*), i'm going to do it, Dang it!
K and BF leave Friday morning and J had come over the night before to stay the night because she doesn't like driving in traffic (she lives 30-40 mins away from us) or driving at night so she could take B to her place and his dad could come pick him up...cool.
Fast forward to Monday.. I've had a great, quiet weekend to myself and J planned on bringing B back home later that day..I worked till 5 pm and was expecting it to just be B and i at the house that evening. **Nope**...
K and BF were suppose to be back Monday night, but because of weather restrictions, they elected to stay another night...I mention this to J and let her know that I would be still be taking care of the household (getting B on the bus for school in the am and etc.) J gets extremely upset at me because she got her "feelings hurt" when i expressed my dissatisfaction of her wanting to stay not just one night at the house, but two nights. I tried to explain to her that she doesn't need to stay as she is just going to be in the way when K and BF get home from traveling for 6 straight days.
I ask her to go home in the am as her help is no longer needed..She stays the night last night and this morning, J was so far lodged up my roommates butthole all morning long while she was getting ready for work that i got play by play of this via text message when i left for work...JUST GO HOME!! AHHHHHHHH
TL;DR: AITA for wanting roommate's mother to go home with her annoying dog while roommate is out of town ?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
G8tGA2EOr1XkT3c5jv4zciUjhMK38Xix
|
ba0mui
|
{
"description": "not wanting to go back on Monday to take my Aunt's lawnmower back to the shop to get the Mower blade wheel put back on there",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to go back on Monday to take my Aunt’s lawnmower back to the shop to get the Mower blade wheel put back on there?
|
I had a free day yesterday so I decided I’m going to go to mow the grass at my aunt’s but when I arrive, her lawn mower was gone. Turns out it was at a repair shop 2 miles from the house. No one at her house (her, uncle, or their daughter) was willing to take me down there to go get it to drive it back to the house.
I walked 2 miles to go get it. On my way to bring it back, I almost run out of gas. So I stopped at a gas station, used my own money to fill it all the way up, then kept driving it the rest of the 2 miles back to aunt’s house (going 6 MPH I might add). I got back to her house, mowed the 6 acre yard, and by this time, it was night time. So I went home for the night.
So I went back the next evening to make sure the yard was looking good. Before I got a chance to go fix the 3 little spots I discovered I missed, “Rando! WHAT THE HELL? YOU LEFT HERE WITHOUT FINISHING LAST NIGHT! AND ONE OF THE WHEELS FELL OFF! YOURE GOING TO HAVE TO PAY FOR IT!” So I went outside to see the supposedly broken lawn mower.
Turns out, the wheel that fell off was a tiny wheel for the blade cover. Completely inconsequential to the overall running of Mower. I found the wheel out in the yard. No big deal. My aunt demanded I mow the spots I missed right now. Afterwards, I am to drive the mower back to repair shop, pay for wheel to be bolted back, and bring it back to the house.
So I mowed the spots and she came outside to check on it. She said that wasn’t good enough because she is having friends over this weekend and it has to be absolutely perfect with absolutely perfect symmetrical lines even though the lines were visible and symmetrical already. So I went back over the ENTIRE 6 ACRES AGAIN! Now, I’ve mowed the yard twice, gotten yelled at the whole time, and now it was time for ME to drive back over to the shop and pay for tiny wheel’s repair. Well the shop was now closed for the weekend because of my Aunt making me go over the yard again!
“WELL RANDO, LOOKS LIKE YOU FUCKED AROUND AND MESSED UP THIS WHOLE WEEKEND FOR ME! MY FRIEND’S ARE GOING TO TALK SO MUCH SHIT ABOUT MY YARD!”
She storms off. So I left and I’m thinking about just not going back for a long time. I feel really insulted and disrespected.
Best part about all of this is that....
I DID IT FOR FREE AND WITHOUT HER EVEN ASKING ME TO DO IT! I DID IT ON MY OWN VOLITION TO BE NICE!
AITA for not wanting to go back on Monday to take her mower back to the shop? Depending on the consensus here, I might change my mind.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
gA5bpDw0rHEFvePGIWL4xbKxG36Kxg0M
|
aj9ejf
| null |
AITA
|
Am I the asshole if I refuse to talk to my parents about figuring out my sexuality?
They just recently found out that yes, I think I like women as a women and they wanna hear all my thoughts so they can stand by my side and support me, but I just am so uncomfortable with it. Like I love and support gay people, but the idea of me being gay makes me wanna throw up. Do you know how much easier my life would be if I was a straight, white, christain women instead of a gay, white, Jewish women? Like I'm just not proud and I understand my parents want to be there to support me during this time, but I just don't want to talk to them about the whole situation.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
XA4thjc3fuArHoTiWS3JXG72zJQaPzk6
|
a74amp
|
{
"description": "wanting to have aunts dog in another room during Christmas",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to have aunts dog in another room during Christmas?
|
Ok so my SO and I have two cats. We live in a rather large apartment and have therefore invited her family to celebrate Christmas at our place. Her aunt has a dog that she wants to bring.
Problem is we don’t know how our cats will react to the dog and vice versa. We have tried to arrange a time when she could come over with the dog and see how things would be, but she has failed for two weeks to come over.
The aunt couldn’t possibly leave the dog alone for the evening even though they do it everyday during working hours.
Last night she said that we could have our cats locked in our bedroom so that her dog could walk freely in the apartment, and that’s where we are now.
Are we the assholes for wanting her to have the dog in leash in another room so that our cats can walk freely in their own home?
We think that if you get invited to anyone who has a pet and you bring yours, the owner of the house you visit is the one to set the rules. Therefore we have the “Rights” to make the demands according to us.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
3SxNkUMFOvLSbFCxETQRbGagq346J95b
|
as9dz9
|
{
"description": "not \"reciprocating\" in my relationship with my mom",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not “reciprocating” in my relationship with my mom?
|
i’m a minor living with my parents and my mom has been asking me for the past few months to read a tale of two cities which i have absolutely no interest in reading. yesterday during dinner she brought up the fact that i hadn’t read it yet AGAIN and compared me to her verbally, emotionally and sometimes physically abusive father, saying that i was just like him because i didn’t reciprocate her love and “all she did for me” by reading the book. i was really offended because i didn’t feel like it was fair to compare me to her dad just because i wouldnt read a book i wasn’t interested in. AITA for not reading the book?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
0H45Osg106S5IqOx52P7f52SXF3qNX9N
|
9teotc
|
{
"description": "not talking to girl, she says she is going to hurt herself",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA Not talking to girl, she says she is going to hurt herself
|
So I met this girl in my high school, let’s call her M, it’s our final year and she is a new student. She immediately took an interest to me. We talked for about a month and I started to realize she seems kind of unstable. I also started hanging more with a really good friend of mine and I started to realize I wanted a relationship with her. So I began to stop talking to M. She now wants to hang out, comes into my car when I arrive at school and tries to talk to me. I’m always nice to her but I don’t really feel attracted to her. She said to me tonight that she is really stressed out about all this and is worried about what she is gonna do to herself if I don’t date her. Am I the asshole if I say I don’t want to talk to her anymore?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
be0rnf799guMGMp6OMtkLtDkZreitho3
|
ar3qsr
|
{
"description": "not inviting my housemate's boyfriend to my birthday drinking thing tonight",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I didn’t invite my housemate’s boyfriend to my birthday drinks thing tonight?
|
My housemate has a boyfriend who lives pretty far so he’s staying the weekend for Valentine’s Day so they can spend time together. I like him and he’s a very nice chill dude - he cleans after himself and sometimes gives me food if they have leftovers from cooking.
Today is my birthday and after a very stressful week of midterms and work I decided I want to get fucked up with my friends at the bars. I just want it to be me and my friends (so 4 total) because we rarely get to hang out with us all working and school. I feel like I should invite him bc he’s nice and if I didn’t he’d just be here alone. I haven’t talked to my housemate yet, but would it be rude of me to tell her I don’t want to invite him?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
7S5KeOAsVK95nfA3XgpjXBAOUPVoAyet
|
asf5ah
|
{
"description": "breaking things off with a guy after finding out how old he is",
"pronormative_score": 41,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for breaking things off with a guy after finding out how old he is?
|
So right off the bat, the title alone makes me feel like an asshole. But here's the situation:
A short time ago I was out with some friends and was approached by a guy who asked for my number. We chatted for a bit and I found him charming and attractive; we agreed to meet up at a later date. We ended up going on a few dates and hitting it off generally; he seemed older than the men I'm interested in (appeared to be mid to late twenties), but he's a graduate student at the university I attend, so I wasn't too put off by that.
Well... last week he left his wallet at my place, and I took a peek at his driver's license. Turns out he is in fact 40 years old. So he's got great genes or wears his sunscreen, apparently, because I was pretty shocked, and not in a good way. When he next texted me to meet up I told him (in as polite a manner as I could think of ) that I'd had fun with him but wasn't interested in seeing him anymore. He pressed the issue, and I told him that it was an age thing. He seemed to find this *more* objectionable than if I'd just said he wasn't attractive or something, and essentially made the case that this was a shallow reason to write someone off.
So my question is - is he right? Was that an asshole move on my part? Because the truth is I can't really put into words *why* his age was such a disqualification for me - it's just that the differential made me feel strange. Also the fact that he'd be that old and interested in someone my age (18) is kind of weird to me. For the record, a couple of my friends have backed him up. Basically the argument is that I was clearly interested in him, and retroactively cancelled him out just because I saw the number on his ID. Which I do find compelling.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 38,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
cM0Mivd6WIJthWA4trVhAwweElWufmeb
|
b018h2
|
{
"description": "using a macro to call my spot in League of Legends first",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for using a macro to call my spot in League of Legends first?
|
casual games usually decide what role you play by calling it in chat as soon as a party is formed. I was tired of people claiming the spot first without any discussion and it came down to who had the fastest response time. So my keyboard has macro keys and I created a macro including Enter for each position and just 1 button tap my choice as soon as it loads. I will negotiate after that but I decided its better to claim it and give it up than have to beg for it from someone who beat me to it .
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
WRONG
|
JhbWc0tN2YKu9We9D0MOJ7AWPUMOfeL8
|
a0xy30
|
{
"description": "telling this kid that he's an asshole",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for telling this kid that he’s an asshole?
|
I was at thanksgiving dinner at my fiancé’s dad’s last week. Her dad had just gotten remarried about a year prior, and it was the first time I met the new wife’s son (25 years old).
He told what he thought was an hilarious story about being in a restaurant the night before and dumping a glass of water on his friend’s head. He showed us a video and it was a really full glass and it obviously got all over the booth, the table and the floor.
While the rest of the family laughed, I couldn’t help but say “that’s a dick move. Somebody else is gonna have to stay late to clean all that up.” It was like a needle scratch moment. Everybody stopped and stared at me like how could I possibly say that.
We got home yesterday and my fiancé is still on me about it. I was a server in high school and I would have been furious. Admittedly I could have held my tongue, but it just sort of slipped out. Am I the asshole here for calling this guy out? He’s 25 - time to grow up.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 16,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 9
}
|
RIGHT
|
yTMFGpOrBUKJSLumFhotWbKs512UoVwb
|
aaqg0p
|
{
"description": "almost leaving my cousin I Vegas to not miss my flight",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for almost leaving my cousin I Vegas to not miss my flight?
|
So my cousin (39yo and the oldest there) and I (22yo and the you guest there) went to a bachelorette party in Vegas.
Back story from the first night we were there. We arrived at 1:00am. We got our hotel room and went down to play some beer pong. I went up alone after a few. I forgot what room me were in and my cousin wasn't answering her phone. I got angry because what if it had been an emergency. But I sucked it and went back down to find her.
So the last day we are getting ready to leave. We had to be quick to make it to the bus to the airport. So my cousin, knowing she has a dead phone and the bus was arriving in 10 or less minutes decides to go smoke one last time. We kept telling her she doesnt have time and he phone was dead so we couldn't let her know if the bus came. Well she went anyways. Well the bus comes and we get on and leave her. Well she got a cab and met us there. Well the next day she went off on my saying how hurt she was and she could have been jumped or raped. And how we shouldn't have left her stranded and so on. I feel bad because she is right, but at the same time she knew her phone was dead and the bus was coming any minute. So am I the asshole? Is she? Are we both?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
wrFvpGS6PlO4FEIKOLRTuqOVSuITb24H
|
apbt1k
|
{
"description": "not wanting my roommate to help me babysit his nephew and nieces",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
aita for not wanting my roommate to help me babysit his nephew and nieces.
|
so I want to point out that he can not look after them.
his sister asked me to babysit as I have experience and babysit the kids often.
she will be going on a camp with her eldest kid and asked me to look after her 3 youngest, 6,3 and 1 years old over the weekend.
my roommate has asked if he can join me and "help" as they are his nephew and nieces.
my issue is that he never helps me he just hooks his playstation up to the 60 inch TV and plays cod, he keeps the kids up with his yelling and can scare them with the words he uses. (faggot, die bitch and so on)
he also has no clue on how to look after the one year old, he does not know how to put him to bed or change his dipers.
he also never helps me put them to bed and once left me while I was sick to babysit the one year old so he could play overwatch with his friends. (I got sick while we where joint babysitting last year)
both me and his sister don't want to have him help me but now he thinks we are assholes for not letting him help.
aita?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
pOi5gxYF9mWQIRK7xuh8mymI2opW7Bvt
|
awim6t
|
{
"description": "refusing to go to church",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to go to church
|
I´m 18 years old male and I was raised in a Christian family. Mother and Father are both Christians. I was baptized and I was going to a church every Sunday with my parents when I was little. Around the age of 12, I started to feel uncomfortable in the community. I figure out that the people in the church are really terrible. I also found it difficult to believe anything priest ever said. So I decided a long time ago that Christianity isn´t really my thing and I told this to my parents. They were very hostile towards me and basically forced me to finish sacrament of confirmation to what I said to them that I will do it but it is the last thing I will do as a Christian and then I´m done with this religion. It was two years ago. After confirmation, my father stopped forcing me into Christianity, but my mother is still angry. She said multiple times that I´m selfish because I don´t want to go to the Church and I should do at least that for her couple times a year. I don´t want to be mean to my mother, but I don´t want to go there. I hate that place. So please help me. Is she asshole because she is forcing me into the religion that I don´t want to be part of or Am I the asshole because I have a problem with going to the church with her couple times a year.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
DSOvwHVuA4Fro3jWJeWR5EwOn8VNyqRU
|
b4eka9
|
{
"description": "skipping my BIL bday",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA If I skipped my BIL bday?
|
I live with my sister and BIL. My sister just notified me yesterday that his bday is tomorrow. I went ahead and ordered the gaming mouse he's been talking about wanting from Amazon and got him a card, but I work tomorrow and have a game tournament with my bf in another city so I was planning on going there this weekend.
Would I be the asshole if I still went, even now knowing that my BIL has a bday? They haven't mentioned any plans to do anything so I assume he and my sister will go out and she'll make him a cake. I really don't think my presence or lack thereof will matter. I just feel bad that I already have plans and want to stick with those :/
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
qpljgOgP8FHPEBFtfxZU08poUvBsQJJj
|
a4m1yv
|
{
"description": "claiming a prize I should've won",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for claiming a prize I should’ve won
|
I just got off this Spirit Airlines flight and I’m feeling a bit guilty right now.
So we boarded and I got the middle seat assigned to me by the airline. This middle aged couple boards and asked me to switch seats so they can sit together (they had my two surrounding seats). I happily obliged because of course they can sit together and also I do like the window seat.
Towards the end of the flight however, it’s announced that they’re giving away 5,000 miles to the lucky flyer seated in... you guessed it... my original seat.
I’m not gonna list the reasons here why I could really use those miles, but I spoke up and asked. The couple didn’t fight it and said “yea its your seat” but obviously disappointed.
They seemed like a really nice couple and I feel so guilty... am I a total ass here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
4jsJYEFegLaFpKAJq52mgKPn0imeT6Uz
|
at0n1i
|
{
"description": "getting breakfast",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting breakfast?
|
So I'm a junior in JROTC and I went to a community service for setting up and helping a local 5k-10k run. After we had set up the over-all CO (Commanding Officer) who is the instructor in charge of the program at my school said that if we brought money we could go get breakfast at the nearby diner. I brought 2 cadets with me, we sat down, and ordered our food when the student NCO-IC (Basically the student 2nd in command of the event) told us to have intervals with one of us getting food, while the others did our jobs (which was passing out water to the finished runners, but the run hadn't even began. I said it was BS but I'd do it. I waited, our food arrived, and I went to go get the other 2. The NCO-IC and the O-IC (essentially student 1st in command of the event) told me to wait while the other 2 got food, I actually called that BS and went to go do my job, I passed the CO and asked him about it and he said it was illogical, I should go get food. I told the NCO-IC and the O-IC and they were pissed because I didn't inform them that I was going to the CO, violating the chain of command. I technically did do this by not informing them, but I went up it as I was supposed to. Anyways I got my food, which the 'ICs complained I didn't get to go and got back, and started my job with a few minutes to spare.
It's long and confusing if you were never in JROTC but comment if you have any questions.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
kVgFXDxRHmjcPFGjKBrDAvzw6UYXuln8
|
ajqch4
|
{
"description": "telling my gf I'll cheat on her if she continues to falsely accuse me",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 34
}
|
AITA for telling my gf i'll cheat on her if she continues to falsely accuse me?
|
She has falsely accused me for months.. only thing different today was I told her if she continues to accuse me im going to do it.
That didnt help, and she blew up saying you should never cheat on anyone, which she isnt wrong about.
I would never cheat. Im just frustrated for getting repeatedly accused of something im not doing.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 29,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 3
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 34
}
|
WRONG
|
CjUbAJHafSX0oS9ZrLEYATQZ7wic1LaT
|
albgnz
|
{
"description": "being upset that my wife wants to go on a 3 month vacation alone",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for being upset that my wife wants to go on a 3 month vacation alone?
|
Basically my wife is trying to go back to her home country for three months alone. She’s told me she needs it and wants to extend her trip to attend a wedding and a family member’s birthday.
I completely understand her needing to visit home since she left her country to be with me and is isolated. She visits for several weeks at a time every year.
My side is I have a very unpredictable job in the military and two pets and we live overseas in a foreign country. They will have to be alone for 13 hours a day while I am at work and I can be called to stay overnight without notice for potentially weeks at a time. I also have to stay overnight occasionally for duty.
I’ve tried to counter with her going and attending the wedding and returning a month and a half later to attend the birthday. She doesn’t want to budge.
AITA for thinking her wanting to go on such a long trip is unreasonable at this time?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
Q7j6buiuAK0TUsblRtfCkj6WUTtN7HbG
|
b9khdk
|
{
"description": "getting angry at my sisters bf for his reaction towards a study I was a part of",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for getting angry at my sisters bf for his reaction towards a study I was a part of?
|
I can't go into details on anything so i'm just not going to use names or what the study was about because reasons.
​
I spent 6 years working on a study for a fairly large research institution. It was basically about human consciousness and the varying "levels" of cognitive abilities and how it relates to a person's success in life. The study was worked on by 80 or so scientists it was an 8 year long study with me being a part of it for 6 years. The budget was in the millions. It was a huge study. Anyway it gets peer reviewed and published and it is received fairly positively and a couple large media sites wrote about it = and it's the first thing i've worked on in my professional career so I was happy and proud of it . but anyway I gave the paper to my family to read just in case they were interested and I guess the findings were offensive to my sisters bf and he had a problem with it. He works in construction and there was a section about manual labour jobs and he found it particularly offensive. As if the whole study was my idea he gets mad at me. Basically his whole argument for why the study was bullshit is to repeat the popsci bullshit "Correlation does not imply causation" and I kept asking for more information and he just keeps repeating the same shit so I kind of snapped and said "I don't expect someone who didn't graduate high school to understand the study so make an argument or shut up" . That's it. I don't believe he understood the study since it wasn't negative towards manual labourers at all.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 11,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 15
}
|
WRONG
|
mjD7GsnOHrV5i0v9qeEVmkiPKHsZeuRa
|
b46w6k
|
{
"description": "wanting to avoid my hyper-anxious friend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to avoid my hyper-anxious friend?
|
So pretty much the title.
I (21M) am in college, and my friend is a 19M. For context, he lacks social awareness often can be irritating at times, but I know he means well.
Basically, he has crippling anxiety all the time and constantly needs validation for every choice he makes. I’m talking topics where no one else could possibly know better than himself, and yet he never trusts his own instinct.
I’ve tried helping him by simply giving someone to talk to, however this is mentally exhausting. He’ll essentially say something bad about himself(often true), and want the other person to give him reassurance that it is not true.
I’ve tried giving him validation to ease his nerves, but I honestly now feel like I am feeding a bad cycle by doing this.
As of now I simply avoid talking to him in most cases, as I feel like he needs to learn how to trust his own instincts for himself, and to stop needing validation from others.
What do you guys think? Should I be there for him and give him someone to talk to, avoid him and let him figure things out for himself, or do you think another option would be best?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
1bBDhd3Oo8o4dKoGQGufjEOwGpnbsBy5
|
ahwwwm
|
{
"description": "not staying later at work to help out",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not staying later at work to help out?
|
So I'm 17F, I work two jobs at a fast food restaurant and cafe. Basically between the two jobs I work maybe ten days and then have one day off? I work casual shifts for both which change weekly, but generally end up with a 10:1 ration of working:days off. Anyway, today I worked 7am until 3pm at my cafe job. At around 3:30ish, my other boss called me to ask if I could work that night at the fast food place. I was pretty tired but I lowkey need the cash so I asked what time the shift was (we close at 10pm, and the "close" worker generally has to work until 11ish, or however long it takes to get the tasks done). My boss told me the shift would end at 9, or 9:30 at the latest. I told him that was fine, but I really did not want to close because I was pretty worn out.
​
So the second I get to work, its a different manager on, and she immediately says "I need you to stay till ten". Kind of annoying, but because I wouldn't be the close worker I could leave dead on ten and go home, so no big deal. I'm like okay sure, but I'm not staying any later. Fast forward to 9:50ish, and we're completely swamped by customers. Close is really behind and is going to take longer than usual. There are two people on close, which is unusual but really good for them. Despite this, one of the closers and the managers are suddenly mad pressuring me to stay back and help them. I tell them I've worked all day and I was told my shift would end at 10, and they go off about me being selfish and unhelpful. As a casual shift worker, I'm under 0 obligation to stay, and they already have another person anyway, but they're being really forceful about it. Eventually I tell them I am absolutely not staying, and they start saying stuff like "well I'm not doing x for you", and "I'll remember this next time we work together" etc etc.
​
its a couple hours later and while at the time I was really pissed off, I'm thinking now I was a bit of bitch for not just staying the extra hour or so. They were genuinely stressed out and had a lot of work to do, and maybe I was just being grumpy and unhelpful. pls help reddit x
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 10,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
oq9UIJV4EZt5SRlo54K4vOnv39zEXOIl
|
b36kzw
| null |
AITA for not 100% pleasing my spouse in bed?
|
Today my spouse and I took a road trip and stopped at a hotel for the day. We both haven’t had sex in almost a week due to being so busy with work and such.
I can’t speak for all the guys here. But personally, if I have masturbated in a week or had sex with my gf, I will cum in like 4 minutes.
So long story short. That’s pretty much how long I lasted, 4 minutes. I apologized and said it’s just been awhile since we last had sex / masturbated and told her I will use my mouth and fingers to please her. She got pissed at me and called me a “2 pump chump” (I laughed pretty hard at that when she said that ngl) and I apologized again and told her I can use my mouth and fingers. She didn’t want that and kept shutting me out and ignoring me, now I feel like I did something wrong and I don’t know what... I love my gf to death. I know she’s just been so stressed with her work life so I guess that was a way for her to blow off steam? AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
OgBrMeI12dJoQDotBE3RXpUdu6Q6mEo9
|
9xmz7f
|
{
"description": "calling my fiancé a drama queen",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling my fiancé a drama queen?
|
Last night, my fiance and I got in a squabble. I was washing dishes (which is normally his chore, but he cut his thumb), and so he took out the garbage. By the time he came back inside 5ish minutes later, he was all pissy and started snapping at me about the things I choose to recycle. He thinks I recycle too much and claims I'm \~wasting our tax money\~ by forcing recycling people to throw out our things. This isn't the first time he's argued with me about what goes in the recycling bin, but the main things he complains about are Tim Hortons cups and I googled it and Google said those were recyclable. If I'm wrong about other things I put in the bin, I can start throwing them out, but I'm not just going to take his word about it when he didn't even own a recycling bin before I moved in.
When I didn't back down, he got mad there was a tissue in the recycling bin. It was one he'd used to wipe up his mess after the last time we had sex--he'd left it on his nightstand with a bunch of other garbage, and we don't currently have a garbage can inside the house, so I put it on top of the recycling bin. He was mortally offended by the existence of this tissue, but seemed to drop it and came to come help me dry the dishes. I was quiet, because I was upset he had snapped at me instead of just calmly talking to me about it. He was being mean.
So I moved onto doing the laundry. He asked what was wrong, and I told him he was mean to me. He got silent and went into the living room to ignore me for the rest of the night. He texted me later to tell me that the tissue in the recycling was "heinous" and I called him a drama queen. Why is this a big deal? It feels like he's mad at me because I got mad at him first. He slept on the couch last night and avoided me this morning.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 11,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
sXPKDN8kYU9xDrcFOFm5JP4SiTJIxET7
|
awbhry
|
{
"description": "moving on during Marital Separation",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA: Moving on During Marital Separation
|
Backstory:
My soon to he exhusband was abusive and a cheater. He is in the military, and I caught him sexting and owning a tinder account while deployed back in January. He also had multiple affairs before this, that I dumbly forgave. We almost got divorced over a year ago as well, when the cops were called when he assaulted me at a party in front of multiple people. He manipulated me in going back to him, as at the time I was jobless and homeless, and constantly pressured me into coming back as I pretty much had nowhere else to go.
Now, two months later, I live with my grandparents. We are seperated as in my state, you have to live seperately for a year to get divorced. In my state it is legal to see other people while seperated (I haven't)
I started talking to someone who is very kind, but they live an hour and a half away. We want to meet up sometime soon, and have both expressed interests in eachother. However, based on my past traumas, I feel very nervous that if I begin seeing someone, he would get angry and find a way to mess with my life. He constantly posts my photos on social media expressing how much he misses me. Constantly messages me about how sorry he is and how sad he now has nothing to come home to after deployment.
I am 100% over him, no chance of ever taking him back. EVER. However, because of his manipulation I feel very worried that somehow i AM the asshole. He knows i want to see other people and constantly calls me, messages me, and etc crying. Am I the asshole, wibta if I end up dating someone. even if it's not the gentleman who has been talking to me. For all I know, we just end up good friends. But a lot can happen in a year and I worry that somehow I would be the asshole moving on and finding someone new.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
p8NWBUekfS4kq0ZFZooCylDnkJzd0qUO
|
amcmjw
|
{
"description": "forgetting my friend's birthday on my surgery day",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for forgetting my friend's birthday on my surgery day
|
My friend doesn't know I had surgery today, but I supposed I could have texted a day before or after my surgery.
I been pretty nervous about it, didn't tell her cause I didn't want her to know/worry. She went to sleep and her boyfriend messaged me that she was upset. I feel bad of course, and I don't want to make excuses, since at out all honestly I forgot. I don't know what to do. Is it best I just tell her sorry, happy belated birthday? Do I need to validate what happened? Or would that make it worse?
TLDR;
Had surgery on friends birthday. Forgot to message her. She was upset. Not sure what to do next
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
NQMHiDrPKChThj1EV5i8B8smQ09S4Zsw
|
ad3vms
|
{
"description": "beeing mad that my boyfriend doesn't help me with language issues",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for beeing mad that my boyfriend doesn't help me with language issues
|
This is my first post ever and I'm not a native speaker, so I apologize already for all the mistakes I will make, but I am kind of stuck in a situation, where I am doing everything wrong.
So first a little backstory. My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 4 years now. He was born in another country than I but his whole family moved here when he Was 2 years old. Despite of the ability to speak the same language as I do, they always speak in there own - I get that, their language is more natural to them and I am not a family member, I am just the companion. I am trying to learn this language, but right now it is impossible for me to even follow a conversation between them.
So fast forward to now. My boyfriend's father and his wife offered us to come with them visiting their homeland and go skiing. They've offered this for the last few years and so finally we said yes. They've really been very very generous, understanding and nice, but the problem is, they are very very spontanous too. So there was always a sudden change of plan and I always ended up with not knowing where I was, who this people are, we are spontaniously meeting and I always seem to do the wrong thing. Standing in the way, beeing to slow, packing the wrong stuff, because we extend our journey somewhere or we wouldn't meet as we planed... (Have you ever been on a vacation with your boyfriend's father and didn't have any underwear to wear? Great feeling!) I feel constantly overwhelmd with every thing and that I don't have a minute to just relax, because I have make a good impression. I constantly have to ask my boyfriend, what is said, but he says, it's to exhausting for him to translate everything, so I really feel left out and alone. This has been going in for 10 days now and I am really exhausted. So in the last days it seems that I sometimes snapped at my boyfriend, when I AGAIN did something wrong because of not understanding anything. I am really sorry for that but it is too much for me. Now He won't talk to me because I snapped at him, because He didn't told me in a discrete way that his father want's me to go to the toilet before we are leaving and it ended up with his father and the wife loudly reapiting the Word for "go pee" in their language. Maybe I am to sensitive but this really was embarassing for me!
So reddit please help me, am I the asshole here? Is my skin to thin and am I really ungrateful?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
CwfnpdSGYZhmCe2pdYptp9NneIafSZaB
|
9wj1yp
|
{
"description": "giving my cats away for my sick girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for giving my cats away for my sick girlfriend?
|
Okay so I have two cats that were formerly fosters. Long and short of how they came to stay was: Boo (the older cat) came to live with me as a very very sick kitten so she would have a comfy place to pass on, instead she got better and has been with me for four years. Coco I found this summer on a bike ride, as tiny as kittens come, brought her home and took care of her. Was going to rehome her but my girlfriend grew attached and we kept her. Both are super cuddly and affectionate, and are adored by everyone who comes over.
Fast forward to a recently. My girlfriend of almost two years has had aggressive diabetes since she was born, and was recently told she has 10% kidney function and will have to go in dialysis, and she's only 25. Her failing kidneys meant aaaallooottttt of dietary restrictions, including Claritin. She's allergic to cats and has had to take a pill or two just to come hang out when we started dating, otherwise she looks like a bee stung her and she's barely comfortable in her own skin. So with the news, I decided I'd rehome my cats, letting them go live with my recently widowed step mom and my two little sisters (this way they'll be loved, my family will have a li'l happiness in a shitty time, and I can see them whenever I want). The girlfriend was racked with guilt and has been depressed already with all the changes we're making over her health.
I told my friends over group chat about the cats leaving and why and they were more upset over me giving away the cats than over my girlfriends predicament, especially one girl in particular who kept making it sound as though I was personally killing the cats "for some chick" . Two days ago was our roommates birthday and that same girl got a card that said "happy birthday teddy bear, sorry straightupforrealtho is killing your favourite cat (boo) just for his girlfriend". My girlfriend was heart broken and embarrassed , especially since she spent the day cleaning the house and baking a cake and decorating just for everyone to have fun.
I'm really trying to do the best I can for both my cats and my girlfriend, but am I the asshole here? Cause my friends are making it seem that way.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 28,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 28,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
3vkJWoZVp9bCXekkMmjdYua5NSFLDHZE
|
b4tncv
|
{
"description": "not buying meat for my 9 year old daughter",
"pronormative_score": 152,
"contranormative_score": 73
}
|
AITA for not buying meat for my 9 year old daughter?
|
I’ve raised my daughter vegetarian from birth and a few years ago made the switch the veganism. Me and her father are separated and a few months ago she tried meat at his and liked it. He has her 2 nights a week so now she’s eating meat, dairy and eggs at his. When she told me I said that was fine, it’s her body and she gets to decide what goes into it, she then asked me if she could get some meat when we went shopping but I said no. The smell and everything about meat kinda makes me feel sick and I’d be the one having to prepare it for her. I let her have cheese and eggs now at ours but she’s asked me again if she can get meat.
AITA if I don’t let her have it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 72,
"OTHER": 48,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 104,
"INFO": 2
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 152,
"WRONG": 73
}
|
RIGHT
|
tsO33tPpZy3T7VA1G0uRVWCvJB3bi41a
|
b47dxo
|
{
"description": "debating politics with a friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for debating politics with a friend?
|
A friend and I were talking over the phone and the conversation turned to the Confederate flag. I said that it might stand for the south, but it mainly stands for racism. My friend disagreed. I kept on debating their opinion, and he started to get angry. We kept on going back and forth and eventually he called me a dick and hung up. A minute later he called back and said that I'm a asshole and a brick wall to talk to. I simply said that that's not the case, and that he was immature and him hanging up showed that. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
6vzeehofUEWTV4bD9FXVxlw7tKkfF8Ne
|
apivo7
|
{
"description": "not wanting to share my home",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to share my home?
|
Me SO just bought some land and were in the process of looking at mobile homes. We found one with 4br it was pretty nice & we agreed on it
But recently he’s been saying how his brother wants to go half on a duplex trailer ( we have restrictions in our county so only 1 trailer is permitted because of the size of the land)
I honestly told him no because first of all if we were to buy the duplex that’s less space (each side would have 2br) for our growing family second his brother and his wife have 5 kids & another on the way. 3rd when we bought our land we bought it with the intention of getting our distance away from other people and to have family 10 steps away I really don’t like the idea of. I told him all this and his thinking was “ oh so you don’t like my brother.”
His brother and his family is pretty awesome but our family is growing as well.
So AIBTA if this is the way I feel?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
CipkBc1ihuIDA5tXu8Z8L2Kk3flHi8LR
|
b3eb7y
|
{
"description": "having sex with a stalker that has ruined my life",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for having sex with a stalker that has ruined my life?
|
Throwaway.
I was originally kind of dating this boy (Lucas). We weren’t official, but we agreed to be exclusive. Found out he was seeing another girl behind my back and having sex with her. I was really hurt as I didn’t think he was like that. Ended stuff with him and cut all contact.
I met Harry a few months later. Harry knew Lucas as they both went clubbing the same places. The first time I met Harry in person was at a club and Lucas was there. He was drunk and he couldn’t even walk straight so I just took him back to mine. I noticed Lucas immediately leaned in and tried to kiss me while I was with Harry (he knew we were a thing) but I put it down to being drunk. When we got to mine, he tried to have sex with me, I said no (we never slept together) and he became quite forceful so I rang him a taxi and sent him home.
I decided to give Lucas a chance at being friends as we really got along well and he’d had a really nasty past, he clearly had a lot of issues and I wanted to be there for him. Me and Harry’s relationship blossomed, and Lucas eventually told me he couldn’t be friends with me anymore as he loved me so then cut contact for a while. All was well and good until he approached Harry’s friend out of the blue and told him I’d cheated on Harry, who then subsequently told Harry. Lucas then continued to approach Harry several times on nights out and informed him I had been unfaithful and other bullshit lies. Harry believed me 100% but wasn’t the confrontational type so never called Lucas out. Our relationship suffered as Harry hated hearing these things. Whenever I’d go out in town, i’d have random girls approaching me and threatening me because Lucas has told them I’d badmouthed them etc. He would follow me in his car when he was with friends and really did everything to make my life hell. Lucas apologised on a night out and I forgave him but didn’t involve myself with him.
So me and Harry have been on and off for a while and eventually we broke up. Harry’s friend must’ve told Lucas as he messaged me and asked if I wanted to meet up. I didn’t really but felt shitty so decided to. I don’t know why but I went to his and slept with him. I then slept with Harry again the next day, and have not told him about me and Lucas. I feel like a shitty person because Harry was insecure about me and him throughout our whole relationship as he was really obsessed. Sorry for rambling, and sorry if this is a weird post. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
54QBph3dcsPxoxHazHvrDehomy5g7OW7
|
b9a3mo
|
{
"description": "making fun of my boyfriend's penis",
"pronormative_score": 59,
"contranormative_score": 907
}
|
AITA for making fun of my boyfriend's penis
|
Upfront, my boyfriend has an awesome penis. Its not huge or anything, about seven inches (we measured) and fairly girthy- but it is really, really- even comically small when its flaccid (like 2 inches). In the privacy our relationship, I playfully make fun of it all the time and he doesn't mind because he knows that he pleases me in bed. However, he has complained in the past about how much he hates "locker room moments" when other dudes see it and assume he is hung like a grape even though he is not.
So the other night we were having dinner with friends and played a game where we pull word cues out of a hat. One of the cues was something like, "things that are short" and I write down, "my boyfriend's penis". They were all read aloud and when its revealed that I wrote that particular answer the room explodes in laughter. My boyfriend tries to brush it off "oh you got me! Ha ha" and laughs with everyone else, then one of my boyfriend's male friends (who he goes to the gym with) slaps him on the back and tells him "oh we've all seen it, we still love you, bro!" more laughter.
After we get back to his place, my boyfriend tells me that it bothers him that his friends think of him as the small guy because all they had seen is his flaccid penis in the locker room. He said that they've made fun of him in the past and he has had to brush it off for years because he feels that denying it would make a bigger deal out of it than it is and has to silently take it. He said that by making that joke, all I have done was reinforce the perception and that it will just fuel the teasing. He wasn't mad, just disappointed. He said that he would never make fun of me if I had something unappealing about my body because he would never want to give me a negative impression about myself, that he would tell me I was beautiful no matter what.
I felt really, really bad when he said that. I have apologized and things are fine now but I think that maybe he is blowing this out of proportion? Am I the asshole or should he maybe not take this so seriously?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 905,
"OTHER": 39,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 20,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 59,
"WRONG": 907
}
|
WRONG
|
m5Iza4YY0dNf1reFPk5YZ0k0qFFHeW8R
|
a4r2uj
|
{
"description": "leaving my job after saying I would stay",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For leaving my job after saying I would stay?
|
I work part-time as a retail associate. I am currently 7 months pregnant. Before I started my job, I told my current boss in my working interview that I was 2 months pregnant, but wanted to continue working after having the baby. I also said that I was looking into daycares.
Now, (1) after looking into daycares and (2) being 7 months pregnant, my perspective has changed. I have found that daycares are very expensive. I don't make a lot of money with my job. If I were to continue working after the baby was born and placed my baby in daycare, my wages would not cover daycare expenses plus the cost of gas driving to work and back. Also, I have never felt so tired in my life and people are telling me after the baby is born I will be even more tired.
I feel guilty for changing my mind. My boss is a lovely person. She has kids of her own and started her own business to be able to spend more time with them. She has been very encouraging about my pregnancy and has even given my baby items that she no longer uses. But when I mentioned starting maternity leave, she appeared stressed/uncomfortable talking about it and mentioned how she worked up until her due date.
My husband works at a job that covers all of our expenses, so I don't really need to work. We (my husband and I) don't live around family/friends that would be able to watch the baby after it's born. I was being honest with my boss when I told her that I wanted to continue working after the baby was born. But now, I don't want to because I don't think it makes sense for my family. AITA for changing my mind?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b3ffpt
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{
"description": "binge watching series my boyfriend and I are supposed to watch together",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for binge watching series my boyfriend and I are supposed to watch together?
|
First off, my boyfriend and I are heavy gamers. We each have our own Xbox. He works a supervisor position and long hours so when he gets off he wants to relax and get on the game which I have absolutely no issue with. He works hard and deserves to do what he wants to relax when he gets home.
Fact of the matter is we started all these shows on Netflix and Hulu that have now been sitting in our cue for months or even over a year unfinished. We game together and still watch movies together but these shows have been put on hold for a while now. I've asked to continue watching them but we usually buy a new game whenever it comes out so most of our free at home tome is spent on gaming, and he always says we'll watch them later.
I'm still invested in them so I started watching them when he leaves for work, he leaves a couple hours before I do. We promised each other that we would watch them together, and promises mean something in our relationship on both sides, but anytime I ask to watch one he puts it off. Point is I broke a promise and it's eating me alive, even if it's for something so menial. I thoroughly enjoy watching him game so it's not like I'm bored because we still spend a lot of time together, but I'm so damn invested in these shows, like a good book you can't put down, that my curiosity got the better of me and now I'm sneaking to finish them.
I actually got caught with Vikings because you can see the episodes you've watched and which you haven't. He asked about it and I couldn't lie so I told him I've been watching it, (he doesn't know about the other shows) but now he doesn't want to finish Vikings because I am several seasons ahead of him. I feel like the asshole because I made a promise but at the same time any time I ask to watch a show he puts it off, but after over a year of putting them off I'm at the point where I feel like he isn't really _that_ interested in them like I am. The only show we %100 watch together now is Game of Thrones which is awesome.
I've talked to him about how much I want to finish these shows and he is pretty understanding, but when he gets off work he wants to game with his boys and I can't blame him for that. He was a little butt hurt over the Vikings but he doesn't know that I've been watching the other shows either that we haven't watched in months. I plan on telling him either today or tomorrow but then he's NEVER gonna wanna finish those shows and on top of that I made a promise, even if it takes a long time it's still a promise and I feel like I'm in the wrong.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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ams2w3
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{
"description": "being angry at my parents after they shamed me about my finances",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being angry at my parents after they shamed me about my finances?
|
So I am the oldest child in my family and have been working in the creative industry for a few years since I graduated. My brother, who I get on with very well, is also working, but in a professional and what I think most people would describe as a 'grown-up' job.
We live in the suburbs of the capital city. A few years ago I decided to move out of the family home to live in the city with friends. This was a very big deal at the time as in our culture children usually stay in the family home till they are married (and sometimes even after marriage). My relationship with my parents was extremely fraught at the time, but it has now recovered and gone back to mostly the way it was. I come home pretty much every weekend and see them all the time, I just like the independence of living on my own. My parents still hate that I don't live with them and implore me to move back all the time, which I feel some guilt about. I was planning on moving back home later this year to save up some money for a down-payment and mortgage for a house.
My brother on the other hand, after graduation, got a job in another city where the rent is about half of what I pay on average. Obviously, he has managed to save much more money than me, even though he hasn't been working as long as me. I make a decent amount of money for what I do but I have much higher outgoings, and I also am much more spendthrift than my brother - I like to spend money on holidays, clothes, going out etc.
This all came to a head a few days ago when I overheard my parents talking to my brother about helping him with a down-payment on a house in the capital as an investment. They went quiet when I walked into the room and when I questioned them about it, they very pointedly asked me how much I had in savings, how much I earned and how much I paid in rent every month. They then asked my brother how much he had in savings. The subtext was that I had been extremely foolish with money and that I should be embarrassed that my younger brother had more in savings than his older sister. I found it really humiliating to be put on the spot and tell them exactly how much money I had.
I don't really have an issue with parents lecturing their children about their finances, that is a normal thing for parents to do. What I did find hurtful was that my parents had obviously decided to reward my brother with a house because he had more money than I did. Now, I don't expect anything from my parents - I've never ever expected them to help me with a down-payment on anything. I just found it really hostile that they were basically punishing me for moving out - my dad made me calculate how much money I've 'wasted' on rent in the city out loud. That's fine, but it was my choice to spend that money. They laughed out loud when I told them how much I had in savings.
A few months ago I had a vague conversation with my dad about how it might be a good idea to buy a house with my brother, possibly with some help from my dad. Their thinking has obviously now changed and they would rather come to an arrangement with my brother.
For context - my brother moved to another city because that's where he got a job, so he didn't have much 'choice' about moving out. This is opposed to me, who 'chose' to leave the house when I didn't really need to. I also want to say that my brother found the whole thing uncomfortable and felt a bit sorry for me.
AITA/oversenstive brat for being hurt about this? Am I not seeing things from their point of view? I now feel quite distant from my parents and don't want to share anything with them about my life.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b7r93j
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{
"description": "taking a vacation the week of my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 3,
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}
|
AITA for taking a vacation the week of my birthday
|
I live a few states away from my family and don’t see them much. This is more so my own doing as we’ve had a few spats on and off the last few years. I skipped going to Florida for Christmas this past year because I didn’t feel like driving back and forth and I wanted to relax for Christmas (I still hear about this), my family doesn’t like how I parent and try to undermine me when I get onto my kids or tell them no about something (my kids need a routine or it throws their week off). I could say more but I’m going to leave it at that.
I recently started working a job where I work 40 hours a week, take care of two kids by myself and take care of a house as well. My spouse works over the road as a truck driver so I rarely see him as well (one week every 2-3 months). It’s tough on everyone and I still hear my family trying to get me to move back home on top of everything else.
On April 12th I’m taking a week and a half off of work to spend time with my husband as we’ve both have been working really hard. We never get alone time like quality alone time together. My mom and grandmother are coming up to take care of my kids. They’ve complained about coming up and how I should just pull them out of school, how it’d be much easier if they were in Florida around everyone else. I said absolutely not. Then she complained about wanting to pull them out 1-2 days early so they could beat the holiday rush. I still said no and I’m still the asshole. My mom has tried getting us to cancel this trip since we booked it in October. Am I the asshole for taking a vacation away from my family and spending quality time with my spouse? Also, the last two days I’m off I’ll be dealing with doctors for health issues.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ba0l5u
|
{
"description": "rather taking an elective I am interested in than a women's studies course",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA-I would rather take an elective I am interested in than a women's studies course
|
I am conflicted on whether or not I'm an asshole for this. So my girlfriend and I are both STEM people in our second year of college. That being said, we are both pretty progressive and open-minded people. She recently just took a course in feminist psychology and it really opened her eyes to sexism and objectification, and she told me it gave her a completely new way of thinking. I have been trying to learn those topics from her second-hand by reading some articles from her class and having her try and explain the concepts, but she tells me that I'm not going to get the true experience unless I take the class myself.
The problem is, I only have a certain number of general education electives, and I would not want to use one on a class on feminism for a couple reasons.
1) I would feel incredibly out of place in a women's studies class. I am kind of an awkward guy and I think the classmates (most likely majority female) will find me creepy and only in the class to virtue signal and pick up women. I would also feel so weird when they talk about patriarchy and like all eyes would be on me to denounce it or something.
2) I could still get the experience by reading feminist literature on my own
3) I'm just not as interested in it because it does not pertain to my own life experiences.
I feel like 3) will qualify me as the asshole, but I feel like that is the reason why most men do not take women's studies courses. It isn't that I don't care about women's issues, or I don't try to combat my own biases. It is just that talking about menstruation and female oppression is just not as interesting to me as other topics. I am open to learning about it, but just not in a classroom setting, where I would have to write formal papers and get graded on how I talk about feminism.
Am I an asshole for even having the luxury to not put women's issues at the top of my course priorities? Needless to say, my SO is pretty upset that I won't take the class.
​
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
cj78jUNWLYi5YegP1uH1Hy60TlfptpEB
|
b886j6
|
{
"description": "cutting my friend off",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting my friend off?
|
I didn't know whether to post this on friendship subreddit cos we're not friends anymore. I just want to know AITA or am confused or what?
It's pretty long (that's what she said) (I use humour as a coping mechanism, I apologise), but i really need unbiased opinions.
It started in 10th grade, we were best friends since we were 10, but something felt off. I'd be there for her, whenever she had drama with some girls, or when her mum was giving her a hard time. But in the starting of the year, when I lost a really important student body election, she was with the people who won, and I was there for them too, but they knew how heartbroken I was, but she couldn't see it, and dismissed it as irrelevant. That year she was never with me, but proclaimed she was best friend while never actually being one. Paraded me around, vented about how the teachers were giving her a hard time, but when I tried to tell her that if she just did what they wanted, she'd talk over me and never gave me a chance to actually tell her what's going on. I know that she was going through a lot of shit, and I really tried to be there for her, but it felt like I had no one to talk to, and that made my social anxiety so bad that even today I can't make friends without overthinking every part of them hurting me, or me never telling people how I feel because I'm used to it.
We lost touch, or rather I cut off all contact because I realised how alone I felt with her, never being able to ask for help. She reached out to me now that we're in different Universities, and told me that I never even tried to stay in contact, and that I ran away and that I was never there for her. I told her I pushed everyone away because of my mental health hitting rock bottom and I told her that all I thought about was dying and I couldn't even think straight, but she kept blaming me for not trying.
But this is where it gets conflicted- am I just covering up the fact that she had much bigger problems than I did? or am I justifying me not being myself and constantly having to guard my tongue and say each word carefully just because I'm overthinking about this being toxic? Or am I just being a selfish, whiny baby? or AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
acxyfo
|
{
"description": "not wanting to constantly help my girlfriend's mom",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to constantly help my girlfriend's mom?
|
So this whole spiel doesn't have any "justice" or any serious conflict, I just really need to vent. I live with my girlfriend, who is still in university. Her mom is a single mom who runs a series of businesses that keep her busy pretty much constantly. English also isn't her first language, although she speaks it near perfectly conversationally. My GF's mom calls her everyday, usually multiple times a day to have her do various things for her. Booking hotels, ordering things online, making her appointments, having her call places to find stuff out (find out how much it'd cost to rent a truck/buy this thing/etc). This pisses me off because my GF is very busy working, in school, and she volunteers. She claims she doesn't mind (or accepts she doesn't have a choice) because her mom is busy and has trouble looking stuff up due to the language barrier. But it's stuff like having her looks up a restaurant nearby for her mom and her friends to go to while her and I are in a different city doing our thing.
It also pisses me off because my parents are the complete opposite. My parents never ask me to do anything like that, and if they did they'd be super grateful which GF's mom doesn't seem to be, she just expects it. So cue today, she calls up GF and says "you and samurai456 need to rent a uhaul tomorrow and help me move some stuff for one of my stores". Well that sucks ass but the best part is the stuffbwe have to pick up is 4.5 hours away and then we have to drive back 5.5 hours to drop it off at her store. Tomorrow. If she'd asked even just a week in advance I'd be thrilled because I have friends in both cities I could've seen to at least make it a fun trip. But no, and no choice for me. I'm pretty much fuming while my GF seems pissy like I'm being unreasonable for not jumping up and down for the opportunity to help. Am I the (an) asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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WzyYw1qb9UIICYcs6mdDc9qdovK0qpMO
|
b0zz99
|
{
"description": "getting mad when my GF gets mad at me for no reason",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting mad when my GF gets mad at me for no reason?
|
We are on vacation in Edinburgh with a couple. Despite being very vocal about not liking to travel, it ends up being "my present" for every other occasion, and she never understands my under-enthusiastic reaction. It'd be like me giving her a videogame because I wanted to play it.
Yesterday when we finally got to the apartment, after a day walking around, we cuddled for a while, but it's a hot room and she was resting right on top of my stump. When it got uncomfortable I asked her to please move.
15 minutes later she gets up upset. What is wrong?, but you know what's coming next. Nothing, she said. Eventually she says "I'm going to eat". Alone? I ask,wondering if she had set it up with one of them. Yeah alone. She didn't ask if I wanted to go, or if I wanted her to bring me something.
I don't know why she is pissed but I persist "wait, let me get my boots on, I'll go with you." She goes out, while saying she isn't her mother. I'm still getting ready, (it takes a bit longer, one armed) but that's when my patience reaches it's limit. Boots off, feet back up on the bed. She always gets pissed at a fly on the wall, and I end up being the punching bag.
She eventually gets back (like half an hour later despite going next door) and she grabbed me a sandwich. It could be a good faith gesture, but it's like going to McDonald's and bringing someone a burger without asking what that person wants. I was right here. Asking me what I wanted, would be the normal thing to do.
I think she realized she was on the wrong, and decided to try and act like she wasn't pissed and what she did was normal instead of apologising, going back to the market to buy a sandwich, which would better account for the 30 minutes.
When I didn't act like what she did was remotely normal, she tried to blame it on me.
She starts by saying "she is not like her mom, and she is not here to take orders". I haven't really asked for anything. Then she goes for another defense, that I don't talk to her, and we just lie on the bed or "I can't even lay next to you without you asking me to get off".
Then it was "People went to eat without us!" which if it was true it's an understandable reason to be mad, but at them. Alas I heard them leaving after her.
They message us to go to the pub. She replies she doesn't want to leave me behind (after leaving me behind).
"Aren't you going to eat the sandwich?" I did what any person with self-respect would do. Got my coat on, and said "I'm going out to eat". When I got back she was sleeping/locked in the living room.
It's the next day. I had agreed to go to Glasgow, not because I'm curious to see more men in kilts playing bagpipes, but because she wanted to. But I'm not going.
---
I know I hold a grudge and tend to overreact but I never start a fight, because I just want peace and quiet. But once it's on, it's on and I can't turn it off.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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OOZqN8uJMmgVsET1tklyePF2RcRvqeq9
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b48b90
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend I don't want a friend to visit her",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
Aitah for telling my girlfriend I don’t want a friend to visit her?
|
So there’s me (m19), my “friend” poe(m18), and my girlfriend, sarah(f18).
Me and poe have been friends for 3 years, and I met Sarah though him last May. Sarah and poe have been good friends for a while.
Me and Sarah have been dating for 3 months now long distance and we had been together for like 3 months before that. She and I just got back from a week in California last Sunday. Tomorrow poe is taking the train from his school to visit her. I was alright with this happening when she was planning and when she asks me today if I’m comfortable with it I said yeah but I felt a little uneasy. We kept talking about it and she brought up something I’d never heard about.
So before they ever made the plan I had talked to her multiple times about how I don’t exactly trust poe with her. I didn’t really have any evidence to support my claims but I always felt uneasy about him. Since poe is also a really good friend of mine I kinda just tucked it away as jealousy.
But earlier this evening Sarah brought up how poe told her he had feelings for her. The night I told her I was in love with her. This was over the phone and she was with poe that night. She said she had to think about her feelings before she said it back. And she was with poe this night.
Neither of them had ever brought this up before and I felt betrayed by the both of them. Although she turned him down I still feel very wronged by the fact that neither ever told me. Not when it happened and never when I we had similar conversations.
We were talking on the phone on and off for hours. She told me she didn’t think it was relevant and that I didn’t need to know. Although she didn’t do anything wrong I still felt like shit because she had been keeping it as a secret. A huge breach of trust the day before he goes to visit her. She talked it down saying it wasn’t a big deal and she didn’t seem to think it meant anything.
I told her I felt uncomfortable with him visiting that weekend. I felt like a dick but it didn’t seem crazy given the situation. I told her specifically that I wouldn’t break up with her if she did but I made it clear how uncomfortable i felt about it. She denied it and we never came to a resolution and I’m still really upset.
I wrote this last night and today he is still going to visit her. I talked to him and he called me crazy.
TLDR: best friend tells my now girlfriend he loved her the same night i did. She’s just telling me this the night before he comes to visit her for the weekend.
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alwxu1
| null |
AITA Sister invites friend + baby on family vacation and i'm not okay with it
|
Hi Reddit,
This is my (28f) first time posting so bare with me and play nice. Every year for the past 10 years my stepmom (65 f) spends a month in Florida in the winter to get away from the cold. She rents an apartment out and tells our family they can come visit whenever. We'd schedule when we were going to make sure there was room in the apartment. My cousin (22f) usually stays with her the whole time.
This has fared successfully until this year. I usually go with my stepsister (32 f) as we live in the same city and can travel together. We got together a few weeks ago and bought our plane tickets (1 week stay) and tickets to sporting events we planned on going to. Now my sister is telling me that her friend (32f) that I hardly know and her 5 month baby are probably going to come (she invited herself) and hoped I was okay with it. I'm not. I feel like a dick for saying no but I work hard and want to relax with my family. I an more comfortable around then. The baby would be a burden whether she takes total responsibility or not. Babies have needs and everything will revolve around the baby's schedule.
Plus there is not enough room in the apartment. There is one bed and a pullout couch. My stepsister was looking into getting rooms for her friend and the baby and maybe even myself. As much as I love my family and want to relax with them I'll also have to put up with my religious stepmom disliking all my bathing suits and clothes. It's just too much.
What makes me more mad is that we already bought the plane tickets so it's not like they gave me a choice or the option to come at a different time. My stepmom is calling me selfish and can't see my side. I'm kind of the outcast of the family and is taken advantage of but i'm putting my foot down. I've offered to transfer my plane ticket to her name or refund it if she is going to go.
TL; DR - my stepsister invited her friend and her 5 month baby on a family trip after we bought tickets and i'm not okay with it.
UPDATE: Thank you everyone for your perspectives and opinions. I told my stepmom I will be cancelling my flight as of last Sunday. She informed me that the friend may not be going now. I am giving her another week to confirm details or I am just going to cancel the flight all together.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
1ylw7HUcQicCXWUvWzcUZCGeq4UxIqpz
|
9ygfn3
|
{
"description": "telling my so she had bad breath",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my SO she had bad breath?
|
Yesterday, me, my SO (Julia), and our friends went to a bar for a nice evening out. We all got buzzed a bit, Julia downed 4-5 glasses of wine, while I had two bottles of beer. Around 2 AM we got back home and started to cuddle and chat in the bed before going to sleep. And by that I mean she was full-on cuddling me at the edge of the bed, and I had no room to move anywhere. So while she was talking passionately about something random (not that I don't care, but not related to this story), I noticed that her breath was smelling REALLY bad. Like, completely reeking of wine and alcohol. Which is fine, but since she was facing me and I had nowhere to move, I was taking the full blast of the smell. For a few minutes I tried to move my head to a comfortable, less smelly position, but no luck. After a while I started feeling nauseous. A few more minutes later I said "Sorry if this comes off as rude, but your breath really smells like alcohol and it's making me nauseous."
​
At that moment she completely flipped out and started to angrily tell me that I was being condescending and insulting her. I do admit after THAT I also got agitated and told her that I shouldn't need to tell her to brush her teeth. Eventually we cooled down and agreed that the whole thing was stupid, but I still think that it is not condescending to tell your SO that their breath smells when you are alone and intimate.
​
Reddit, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
FcxdpnfDfI1DMGHIHneZ8dVCnUZmpG2R
|
azm9co
|
{
"description": "telling a rude lady her baby is ugly",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 20
}
|
AITA for telling a rude lady her baby is ugly?
|
I was in line at the supermarket earlier today. The lady in front of me, who was maybe in her 50s, had a baby in the front of her shopping cart. The lady had coupons for some of her groceries, but the items she actually had on the belt weren't the same ones listed on the coupons. (In other words, she had the right *brand* of dish soap and ice cream, but the specific *products* the coupons applied to were slightly different from the ones she was actually buying. Thus, she wasn't eligible for the discount. I hope that made sense.)
Now, this lady didn't yell and scream at the cashier or anything, but she made the poor woman explain why she couldn't use the coupon over and over again. For several minutes. I cannot see any possible way this lady didn't understand the cashier's explanation, and I really think she was just trying to frustrate the cashier to the point where she would just give up and run the coupon anyway. (By the way, the store was crowded enough that I didn't think it practical to move to another line.) Finally, she asked the cashier to get a manager, and the cashier paged him.
Around this time, the baby started making little babbling noises, and the lady turned to me and said, with all smiles, "Isn't she cute?". Pissed off, I just replied, "No." The lady's face fell like a dead fly, and the cashier looked stunned. We all just stood there in tense silence for a few minutes until the manager showed up (and gave her the damn discount, SMH). The cashier was a little cold and just kind of gave me a *look* while ringing me up. She might have just been put out by the whole incident, but I kind of got the feeling she specifically disapproved of *me*.
So, AITA for telling cheap coupon lady that her baby wasn't cute?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
TPmQW5CUwb2HYKvXAvAGR4Zw7ZikReGn
|
ajt0hw
|
{
"description": "not wanting to talk about/hear about my Fiancee's bowel movements",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to talk about/hear about my Fiancee's bowel movements?
|
I mean the title really says it all. My fiancee is very frequently making jokes/references/mentioning her bowel movements. She'll say stuff like, "It was so big it was out of the water." Or, "That really, really stinks." Generally I'll ignore it but this upsets her. I've even told her on multiple occasions that I don't really care to hear about these things, but she gets upset and feels like she can no longer "talk to you about all things."
​
To be perfectly candid, I find it sort of unattractive. I know we all do it, but I don't think that means we should feel okay to just casually talk about poop. I don't want to know how large, watery, smelly, frequent, painful, etc. her poop is but invariably, she tells me. I think it's gross and unbecoming.
​
AITA for thinking this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
l4ZEx6zMKaMpsSdN6v0zGKAJSJjG9ilk
|
au0cid
|
{
"description": "telling my grandma I'm an athiest",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
WIBTA for telling my grandma I'm an athiest?
|
On mobile, worry for formatting issues
Some backstory: So I (20F if it matters) am an athiest/agnostic. I was raised religious but not extremely. We went to church maybe twice or so a month and prayed in the evenings and all that. So I told my mom I didnt believe in God when I was in middle school and she... didnt take it well. Crying, saying she felt like a failure, all that. Luckily my dad was very supportive. Eventually she accepts it, though she doesnt like to talk about it still.
Now to the meat of the issue, my grandma is pretty religious. She goes every Sunday, volunteers and is in church groups. She doesnt know I'm an athiest, I think she just thinks I'm still religious, I just dont like church. She hasn't ever confronted me about it, she made some comments about how we should go to church when I first stopped going but nothing else recently. I am pretty close to my grandma and I wish I could tell her my beliefs, and for a long time I was too scared. I recently asked my mom if I should tell my grandma and she said not to because my grandma would blame her and get upset. I also asked my brother and my best friend and they both said I shouldn't because it will just upset her and there's no point. My friend also mentioned that he has lost family for having similar beliefs, and he told me it's better to just stay quiet even though it sucks sometimes. I understand what they're saying, I just wanted to hear what you all think. I'm leaning to ward not telling her right now but I feel like at some point I will need to.
Tldr: my grandma is religious and im not, family and friends say not to tell her but I kind of want to
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Ucwn7tyDIrA8XOy85xA5qXsovjUveo8g
|
aki4fo
|
{
"description": "being upset at my so for letting his previous relationship effect ours",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being upset at my SO for letting his previous relationship effect ours?
|
Bit of background:
My SO (47m) has been separated from his wife for nearly three years, but are not officially divorced. They have a 5 year old.
I (28f) have never been married and have no children. I don't want children either, which works well for us.
We have been together for just over a year and when we first started seeing each other we both agreed it should remain casual because of his priorities to his daughter. However, we ended up caring more than we intended and decided to make things an official relationship.
Difficulty is, his wife doesn't know he's moved on. He is concerned that if she found out, she would prevent him from seeing his daughter. I agree, based on some of her behaviour, that this is a valid concern. As a result, we don't go out anywhere in case she or a mutual friend of theirs sees us.
I can't contact him when he visits his daughter as he goes to the marital home every weekend to visit. Adding to the annoyance, she likes to spring things on him last minute as some form of power trip and force him to drop everything to go round there. As a result, I never know whether I'm seeing him or if he's going to have to bail.
Some examples of this include, ficticious hospital trips, emergency household DIY, exaggerated family drama etc etc. She's a real piece of work who has punished him standing up for himself by refusing to let him see their child several times before.
I've given him my key so he can come visit whenever, but during the week he works crazy long hours and is tired. He's often too tired to visit. When he does visit he spends his time worried that his wife is going to send someone to his new house (which she has done before) and demand to know where he is as he isn't home.
I work a 50 hour week myself so I know how tired he is weekdays and his work ethic (and love for his daughter) are two of the many things that make him so admirable.
He's with his daughter every weekend. It used to just be Saturday mornings but recently it's been all day Saturday and all day Sunday. He's so happy to see her more often and I'm really happy for him but...I also feel like I'm not important at all. I tried to talk about it last week, but he said he doesn't need another bout of drama as he gets enough of that from 'her down there,' which hurt quite abit.
I feel like an awful person for feeling sidelined. So reddit, AITA for being angry and upset about this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
NmsLHYZnjaYm8b9GJGqrrx6ac9wpyqLJ
|
aq8qml
|
{
"description": "refusing to go too the funeral of my gf's dad",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 70
}
|
AITA for refusing to go too the funeral of my gf's dad.
|
Background: I have been dating this woman for one and a half years as of now, let's call her "Lucy". We have a lot in common, care for one another, and helped each other get through a couple of rough patches in our lives.
Last week, her dad died at the age of 74 of a heart attack. To be blunt, me and him have a shitty relationship. Since Lucy introduced me to her family, her dad has taken a lot of time to insult me personally and put me down. I tell him my profession, (factory worker) and he says "Yeah, you don't look like the kind of person who uses his head much", never mind that I casually mention that I had a 3.5 GPA and got a bachelor's degree in criminal justice earlier. He also likes to criticize my looks, saying that "I look like shit" and once when I went to his house to return some containers we used for a party he says "I thought I smelled something fowl enter my home." He does this when Lucy is not around (bathroom, helping in kitchen, etc), but he'll be more subtle with his insults when she is around.
Lucy tells me the news and I put up a fake smile because I care for her and she lost her dad. I ask when is the funeral and she doesn't say. I asked her last Wednesday and no date has been confirmed. During such a time I agreed to dog-sit for a family friend who would be out of country the day after Valentine's Day. I tell Lucy this and she says "oh that's when my dad's funeral is at x time, can you make it to the reception?" I tell her I can't because I need to take care of the dogs and because I don't want to go. She asks if I don't like going to funerals, I tell her that I'm ok at funerals, I just don't want to go too her dad's funeral.
At this point, Lucy is getting upset and starts yelling at me that I never liked her dad and that I should go because she needs support. At first, I keep calm because she's getting emotional, but after a while I snap at her. I tell her what her dad says to me when she's not around, that I never liked him as a person, and that if it wasn't for me loving her, I would have nothing to do with him. I then tell her that I don't want to sit in a room feeling sorry for a man that I don't respect or have any sympathy for. Lucy snaps and calls me an "asshole" and that she'll have to rethink our relationship after the funeral is over.
This fight happened on Sunday and so far I've not received any text from Lucy since then. I'm afraid to text her because the only thing she would want to hear is an apology or an agreement to go too the funeral. I don't want our relationship to end because I do care for her. So am I the asshole for not going to the funeral of her dad?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 10,
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
fqA4ut4X9p1981epejpsgNMXQ4F3nj6a
|
ahpkcl
|
{
"description": "wanting to be paid for a painting for a family member",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For wanting to be paid for a painting for a family member
|
So I'm an artist (who kinda falls under the starving artist stereotype) and any artist can tell you that family and friends will want free art. My mom will buy me materials for a painting and the rest is on me. I've done so many paintings for her as well as gifts that she insists that I make for two of cousins for their weddings. Frankly I'm tired of doing paintings for the bare minimum (i.e. the materials) and have recently started commissions (mostly cartoony/anime-esque, digital art since that's more my style). It's been slow going, but it's a start.
So when my grandmother was visiting she asked if I was doing paintings now. I asked what she would like and said that it would cost her AFTER she said she would pay. After she left mom told me to make it a present since my grandmother "gets me stuff."
Am I justified in wanting payment for something requested of me or am I just being a greedy asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ventaN1jCWc0hTanMlavwtq9Qh0E4ETu
|
ajvgtw
|
{
"description": "telling my friend( 20) to not get serious with her ( m)55 boyfriend unless she was willing to be his caretaker later in life",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for telling my friend (F)( 20) to not get serious with her ( M)55 boyfriend unless she was willing to be his caretaker later in life?
|
My friend is a college student and has been very serious about her MUCH older boyfriend who teaches at another college. They are very compatible with the same interests and passions and hobbies but she is SO young and she is talking about marrying him. He already has health problems and I really wanted her to be aware of the reality of their situation regardless of love. It is honestly ok if I am the asshole for this, I just need an outside opinion.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
HabVtvfRCbeafT9gLr2rI9oZi4IzDMhP
|
b7pf8h
|
{
"description": "being rude to my neighbors",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for being rude to my neighbors?
|
So, I’m not a particularly great story teller. But I’ll see what I can do. For the past few weeks I haven’t been going to church on Sunday. I looked into the history of the LDS church and decided I want out. That’s been going fine. Until today, when three of the neighbors (two 16 year olds and one adult) showed up and started *pounding* on the door. Now, I’ve been at a robotics competition for the last few days. The beds we slept on *sucked*. So the chance to finally get some rest was appealing to me. Nope. The neighbors show up and pound on the door for around ten minutes before I drag myself out of bed, put some clothes on, and go to meet them. First question is; was it rude for me to wait that long? I figured they would leave soon, but that didn’t turn out to be the case. Anyway. I open the door and get hit with the standard “hey, how are you?” I’m not particularly happy, so I let them know. “Well, I was a lot better before you guys showed up.” <— that’s the part I’m mostly asking about. We talked for a little longer, I politely declined their invitation to go to church. And I mentioned to them that if it takes ten minutes of pounding then the person inside probably doesn’t want to come out. Anyway. AITA? Personally, I’m leaning towards yes right now.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 17,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
i6L1oLMaGpA5wQz6l2iuVlo3gU259KxY
|
auyxov
|
{
"description": "telling an ex-fb that I don't care enough about him to hate him",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA for telling an ex-FB that I don't care enough about him to hate him?
|
Mobile formatting yadda yadda
I had a friends with benefits who I was seeing about 10 months ago. The last time I saw him was about 6 months ago and we must have met up about 5/6 times during that time.
In October he messaged me asking if I wanted to go for a drink, and I replied saying I wasn't looking for anything at the time.
Since then he's texted me every couple months and messaged me a few times on Grindr, which I didn't respond to any of them.
Yesterday, he texted me saying this:
"So do you hate me or what? :D"
I don't know why he's still trying to contact me. I told him I wasn't looking for anything and my unresponsiveness should have been a clue that I wasn't interested any more.
I really want to reply saying "Mate I don't care enough about you to hate you", cause I'm annoyed he won't take the hint. Hate is a string word and I literally am not invested enough in him to have strong feelings one way or the other.
What do I tell him, if not that?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
7tbjpQwBffnSDuZtjOcRfUIEzNjVrzys
|
aldyjz
|
{
"description": "getting annoyed at my so for not wanting to try scary films",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for getting annoyed at my SO for not wanting to try scary films?
|
We’ve been together for 1.5 years, currently live together.
I (m27) enjoy sitting on the sofa with a bottle of wine watching scary things. Nothing gory like Saw or Chainsaw Massacre, things like AHS and A Quiet Place. Stuff with a bit more plot than just scary for the sake of being scary.
Anyway, since we moved in about 4 ago I haven’t been able to do that as my SO (f22) hates scary things which I get, but she won’t give things a try? I’ve lost count of how many episodes of friends I’ve watched and the countless Meg Ryan chick flicks which I hate, but I do it cos she enjoys it.
We’ve had constant argues about this cos I feel like I’m never gonna be able to enjoy what I used to do again. I don’t really have a social life and my SOs friends prefer being round our house than going out so there’s only like 1 day every few weeks where I’m actually alone for like 2-4 hours.
Am I the asshole for getting annoyed cos she won’t try and enjoy the things I like, like I do for her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 15
}
|
WRONG
|
CnvDgOJNd9MR1SXKZ2MZYv1mobm15QFb
|
al16d6
|
{
"description": "leaving someone who claims to need me even though she has no room for me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving someone who claims to need me even though she has no room for me?
|
About a year ago I met a girl in a Kpop Facebook group. We had been talking for quite a while but realized we lived about 30 minutes away from each other, so we decided to start hanging out in real life. At first, I was happy to have someone outside of the internet that had the same taste in music as myself but the more I got to know her, I started noticing things.
To start off about 98% of her friends were online friends. She literally had me and someone else who she actually hung out with in real life and I understood since I’m not exactly a pro at making friends but then it would get ridiculous. We would be having dinner together and these internet friends of hers would be blowing up her phone and she would stop talking to me to message them. In general, she never took her eyes off her screen and if she saw a notification from a group or person she liked she would drop everything and check her phone. To top it all off, because she was basically glued to her Facebook, she would post constantly about EVERYTHING. If her coffee was cold she’d post about it, if she had a headache she’d post, literally everything. One thing she would constantly do would be making these long posts about how much she loves her friends except I noticed she never mentioned me which normally wouldn’t bother me but since she claimed I was one of her closest friends and she was always posting about other friends I was a bit confused.
After talking to her family and listening to things she’d share, I found out she had some mental difficulties, I’m talking ADHD, anxiety, depression, panic attacks, and many many phobias so I tried to give her a pass, but things just got worse. On top of basically feeling like a babysitter, I then began having to remind her to take her meds and to make sure she ate, showered and did other things. It got to the point where I even offered for her stay at my place for a week over Christmas because apparently, she had issues with the family that was going to be at her place. That was a week I would never get back. I ended sleeping on an air mattress with her in my basement (with a night light and a pile of stuffed animals) since my single bed was too small for her and she was too afraid of the dark to sleep alone in the basement. She barely wanted to do anything with me and spent the week on her phone with these online friends even though I had a million things planned for us to do together.
We went to a concert together and we spent two hours before the concert walking around the city looking for these people she had talked to in a group chat because “she wanted to talk to other fans of the group we were seeing” even though I was right there and loved that group and as much as I wanted to leave, I had no idea where I was in the city and was too terrified to get lost by myself.
After the concert she told me she would pay me back for the ticket I had bought her since I wanted to make sure we were near each other and we agreed on a deadline for her to pay me back. Fast forward to now, I have received no money and she has been spending money on gifts (waaaaay above the amount she owes me) for these online friends of hers and on other concerts. Basically, I realized that even though I had been there for her in real life and had done so much for her, these online friends of hers would always come first and clearly there is no room in her heart for me.
I told her I didn’t want to be her friend anymore and now I’m being bombarded with messages by all these people including her about how I’m being selfish and that she needs me and that I can’t just abandon someone in her situation.
TL;DR -> AITA for leaving someone who has been depending on me even though I clearly am not that important to them.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
FcT5NmtBqR5eR1az1PL8NXeaLTHW9ztr
|
a4ki4h
|
{
"description": "telling my dad he should find a real job instead of doing jack shit",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for telling my dad he should find a real job instead of doing jack shit?
|
I'm using a throwaway account for obvious reasons.
So Christmas is coming, my family knows what they wish to have. We have always been quite wealthy. Money has never been a problem because my mom has a very well paid job. On the other hand, my father has been a self-employed person for the past 15 years or so. He says it's because he "never wants to work for someone again". I'm simply going to say that he earns almost no money. He doesn't pay the bills, he doesn't pay for food etc... He uses my mom's money to buy things (that are often useless: such as an electronic door lock for the house when a standard one does perfectly the job. Keep in mind that he paid $500 for it using my mom's credit card). If I had to make a rough estimation, he probably earns on average between $200 and $500 per month. His business has never worked but he doesn't stop it because he "doesn't want to work for someone else ever again".
So as I mentioned before, Christmas is coming. My family composed of my 2 sisters, my dad, my mom and I know what we wish to have. I wish for a new phone. My current one is a cheap one and since I want to have more storage and better camera, I asked for a new one (I'm not going to tell which one but it's quite expensive). I really like taking videos & pictures of everything. I think it will come in handy in a few years. My sister wishes for some decoration for her student appartment. My other sister wishes for a tablet on which she can watch Movies, Series, YouTube etc...
My dad wishes to have an Apple Watch to go with his current iPhone. I told him he should get the 3rd gen one instead of the 4th because it wouldn't make any sense to have the iPhone 6 with the latest one. He agreed.
My mom said that she was going to tell Santa about that (so basically, she's going to pay for all of that but she says it in another way because of the Christmas mood). When I say that she earns a lot, she really does. I do not want to say how much but it's a 5 digits monthly earning.
Anyway, after she said that, I asked her what she wished for and she replied to me that she wishes to have a fitness watch. I proceed to look for some on the internet and find one that costs about $150 and looks good. It has a lot of features and I'm sure she'd like it. I tell my dad about it and he replies "Son, I don't have the money for such a thing". I immediatly get angry and tell him "Well then maybe you should get a real job instead of doing jack shit at your office and relying on mom's money all day!" to which he replies "Get the fuck out of here before I beat the shit out of you" and I say "You know, everybody here knows that you don't get a real job because you're afraid of getting fired. Yeah, we know that your former boss fired you because business was not good enough and he had to make a choice! Did you seriously think that he was going to keep you at the expense of his life? No, it's his fucking business so he did what was necessary to keep himself alive." I was about to start another sentence when I see his hand coming towards my face, I block it and kick him in the belly. Not too hard because he's almost 60 but barely enough to keep him away from me. I did Karate for 7 years so I know how to defend myself with my bare hands. I go back to my room and don't talk to him for the rest of the day. I do not regret exposing him like that and I hope he will get his shit together before Christmas.
&#x200B;
So AITA?
How can I try to reconciliate with him? I don't want to be on bad terms with him but I felt like I needed to tell him this.
Do you have any advice on how to do it?
(please note that I'm only 15 years old so I'm not old enough to get a part time job to pay for my mom's present and she told us that we shall not pay for her present. Also, I'm not from a English speaking country, I'm still learning the language so sorry if I made some dumb mistakes. Thank you.)
&#x200B;
tl;dr: I tell my dad that she should stop relying on my mom's money and get a real job and we almost fought each other.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 2,
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
gGTbCfcOzXJsUWGhyn9Mcn2JmjbsmSJu
|
ar51js
|
{
"description": "asking for some space",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking for some space?
|
this may be a bit long, and I’m on mobile, tl;dr at the bottom, etc. etc.
so I went into a roommate situation basically blind last fall. when I met one of the other girls, we clicked hard and became fast friends. we would pull all nighters together for school, we went out a lot, made dinner together, all that.
I noticed at first that she was kind of hard to be around — fast talker, constantly rambling about something (mostly boys ugh) and here’s the kicker: she always made everything about herself. whenever I would want to talk about something, she always found a way to make it about her. at first, I thought it was charming how she had such a boisterous personality, but after about a month or two I had to ask her to give me some space physically. I mean she wanted to do *everything* together.
she was also the type of person who would compare traumas, e.g. if I was having a bad day, she would basically say “well my parents abused me so I’m having a worse day” or “oh you feel sad? Imagine how I feel, my parents don’t love me!” which made me feel like my emotions were invalid..
I was hospitalized for mental health reasons and she did a lot for me as a friend and roommate. I won’t deny that she was a good friend. and for all the times I sat and listened to her rambling about boys, drove her to class, cooked for her, etc. I thought I was a good friend to her too.
I moved home for mental health reasons and we drift apart a bit. Then one day out of the blue she starts texting me again, and it was like 15-20 texts at a time talking about whatever was going on in her life. this is when I realized that being her friend was too emotionally draining for me.
again, I told her I needed some space. she said fine (by sending 10+ messages) and reminded me that she cares and other nice things.
then she texts me again, so I ask her for space, again.
the next day, same shit. I ask her for some space again.
this time, she says “you know what, whoshebe? I’m gonna tell you off now”. and she proceeds to send me 100+ messages telling me about how I’m a horrible person, my family doesn’t love me, I’m a mess and no one will ever love me, all of these hurtful remarks that, as intended, make me feel like shit.
there were a few times where I wasn’t the best friend to her, but she met me at the lowest point I’ve ever been in in life so I didn’t have much friendship to give.
I feel like an asshole for hurting her, but she knows I’m suicidal and decided to go on a horrible rant insulting me anyway. so, AITA?
TL;DR a fast friend of mine decided to randomly be extremely mean to me after I asked for some space
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
7ZJb4S0HzJ4oNWkmtZCn7BdvMKvuwAQ9
|
b46uqd
|
{
"description": "getting upset at my partner for always changing plans",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting upset at my partner for always changing plans ?
|
Me 22F and my partner 28M have been going out for close to three years now . Things haven't always been the best but lately he's been constantly going on about how he's neglecting me while doing nothing to change the fact .. yesterday was a really important and stressful day for me and we haven't done anything together for a couple of weeks so I asked him to please keep it free so we could go for a walk or something , I just wanted to go for a walk with him. He told me yes of course , that I deserve it as a congratulations for everything I've done and it's no problem . Next day came , we woke up , he went on his phone and I was just stretching and waking up . I told him I can't wait for today and he got angry and told me he has his own plans and that he should be allowed to do what he wants.. I never disagree with that , it's just today that I really wanted something nice , but maybe I'm asking for too much , I don't know anymore . So I left and went back to my home , in the middle of nowhere , I'm sat here alone "celebrating" while he messages me to let me know how well his day is going . I didn't reply and honestly I really don't want to . AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
WmAnn1jgwmNVdQy3EwvMsKhsGhKxWIO5
|
aexswn
|
{
"description": "not knowing how to make my girlfriend better",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not knowing how to make my girlfriend better?
|
For the past week and a half I've been planning to go over to a work friends house with a bunch of guys for poker night. I havent really made any friends since I've been here and I thought it would be a good opportunity. My girlfriend has known about it the whole time and hasn't had any problems with it until today. As we were walking around and I'm helping her get ready, I give her a hug before she gets out the door, and I forget what I said, something along the lines of, "what's wrong" and after a little prying she says she doesnt think I care that I'm not gonna see her all day.
I dont get that. Cause from the second I woke up to her leaving I was basically on her ass that whole time. Cause I knew I probably wasnt gonna get to see her. So I ask her why and it turns into the whole "who do you feel like that" "I dont know" game over and over. So then I ask her what do I need to do to make her feel like I'll miss her, and once again I get "I dont know" so we are arguing at her car and she slams her door and rolls down her window saying she doesnt know what to tell me and starts backing out.
At this point I dont know what to do so I just tell her I wont go and she says if I dont go she isint coming home tonight. So I now have an upset girlfriend who I apparently cant help cause she says shes tired of being happy all the time and just wants to be mad. And I have a dilemma of whether to go tonight or not, and I'm just kinda stuck.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
O0m7NbFyXCSkh0JHRK1sScC2Cgzuyqyp
|
asfd9k
|
{
"description": "calling a coworker a rat faced goblin",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA Calling a coworker a rat faced goblin.
|
I have a feeling people at work think I’m an asshole for calling an older guy (50s) a rat faced goblin.
The back story is I’ve been working on a weld line for lawnmowers since July. I’ve always worked around this person but not directly. He’s about 5’5” and has unflattering features with a giant beer guy and a speech impediment. For this reason I tend to be overly nice to him intially.
Everyone at work messes with him but in a big brother way. Probably because they see him the same way as me but they still mess with him while I never do.
However, I think the way people interact with him has caused him to feel like he can treat me with disdain and indifference. I assumed it was just that the fact I was new and young. The thing is though all the other workers help each other out and at the end of the day I usually sweep up the pile that everyone sweeps from their areas. Some guys will help out and do it if I’m busy. Basically it’s not beneath them. This person though will refuse, go out of his way to let me know the pile is ready even if I’m still cleaning up my area.
This has been going for quite some time but I ignore it because who cares. He gets to push around ONE person and maybe he needs it somehow.
The past week I’ve been going from a button pusher welder that runs a robot to welding. I ended up welding with this guy because it’s a two person job.
Immediately I noticed him sandbagging and acting like a douche, making other people check my welds and basically having a hostile attitude. I didn’t get it but whatever.
Well today I go back in and he’s even worse than ever. Refusing to weld his side unti i welder nine and had somebody check it. I wasn’t even making that many mistakes, I had improved.
He started acting pissy and at one point started slamming his shit around and I just looked at him and said, “what’s your fucking problem.” He mumbled something I couldn’t understand so I called him a, “fucking rat faced goblin.”
That’s basically it. I think he deserved it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
etUQ4Hcwv6I3OGVbmCCA11doM8ZrYJvH
|
aqdac6
|
{
"description": "calling the cops on my neighbors loud and aggressive dog",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for calling the cops on my neighbors loud and aggressive dog?
|
I live in an apartment building which is adjacent to a house. The people living over there have had two big shepherd dogs in the last 10+ years. First one they had for 8 years, then one day they literally got rid of it and got a shepherd pup.
Now this shepherd pup grew out to be really huge and aggressive, and also loud. For the last year and a half I (and the other neighbors living nearby) had to deal with loud and aggressive barking sessions for 30 minutes at a time (it's closer to howling than barking), at any time of the day. I can't count how many times I've been woken up at 6am on a Saturday.
When I'm walking in my building, I got to pass by the fence of the neighbors yard, and every third time I come/leave home I can hear the dog charging from a distance, ready to "protect" the home of its owners. Sometimes it recognizes me and looks disappointed, other times it continues to bark like I am a threat.
I decided enough is enough and called the cops on them today. I don't understand how a family of 5 (mother in her 70s, son and his wife in their 50s, the grandson in his mid 20s) adults, were never annoyed by this nuisance. To mention, yes, the previous shepherd they owned was also behaving like this, but not as extreme. And also, I've rarely seen them walk the dog. I see the neighbor down the street walking his husky almost every time I leave the house, but I would assume this family only has a big dog for the purpose of protection (even though this is an upper middle class, safe neighborhood)
Even one neighbor that moved in here, told us (the people living in the building) that he couldn't stand the dog, claiming his reason of moving out was the dog.
TL DR : Neighbor family has an annoying shepherd dog that barks really loud, a lot of times during the day. It scares nearby passers and the fence that keeps it guard is too short, it can jump it any time. Neighbors don't seem to care so I called the cops. They showed up, had a word with them.
(Maybe I should have talked with my neighbors about this, but I would doubt it would make a permanent change, so when time comes for me/someone else to call the cops, they would bother me)
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
uskbjVnusVoE0Jh5ucIccG8S7rGVCDew
|
apbkqe
|
{
"description": "asking for a divorce for potential cheating",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking for a divorce for potential cheating
|
My husband (M28) and I (F26) have been married for 5 years and have been together for about 10/11 years. We have a five year old daughter. He also has an 11 year old son with his ex gf from high school.
While we were dating, It was always difficult for me to accept that he had a son with another woman because it made me feel really insecure. They were on bad terms for some time but I asked him to call her so he can see his son and try to connect with him. Even thou he and his ex are not together he has gone to her house to visit them every Sunday for a few hours. Although I felt very insecure about it, I was the one to encourage him to go see him. I grew up with out a dad so I didn’t think it would be fair that I let my jealousy get the best of me try to keep a child from having a dad.
Once we got married, I made a promise to myself and decided to get over my irrational insecurities and try to become friends with his ex. It was a slow process on my part because I felt very uncomfortable going to visit them, I felt like a complete out cast and I felt very stupid. She was actually very friendly and we became somewhat friends. We don’t call each other every weekend or hang out often, but when I do I go over her house I feel very comfortable hanging out and drinking and dancing. We really do have a good time with her best friend and her siblings and I also truly enjoy hanging out with his son.
He took that comfort and friendship away from me, she is very close to her siblings and best friend so I know she discussed these texts with them. I no longer feel like I can look at any of them in the face. I’m just so hurt.
He made my biggest insecurities come true. This wasn’t a random girl from the internet. This is a woman that he has a child with and that I was very jealous about for years. We built a friendship but it took years of hard work to feel like I could let my guard down. She didn’t respond to his texts and did not lead him on, I really do appreciate her and respect her as a woman. But I just can’t look at her or go to her house. She isn’t the problem, it’s my husband I know but it’s still very hard.
Since we got married and I became friends with his ex, I always felt very safe and secure with my relationship. We absolutely love our daughter and we get along so well. I have been faithful and so has he, so we have never had a reason to not trust each other so I’m completely shocked by this. I just don’t feel safe anymore, I feel alone. He was the one person I could call and count on. I feel like he robbed me of a friend, which is him. It probably sounds stupid but I feel like he isn’t my friend anymore.
His excuse is that he is an idiot, but that it wasn’t a big deal since nothing happened. When I confronted him he tried to say it wasn’t him and denied it. Nothing happened because his ex respected me enough as a friend and woman to not cross the line, or betray me behind my back. He didn’t even apologize until the third day and that’s only because I told him he hasn’t even sorry. I just feel as if he is so selfish.
I feel like he doesn’t understand what he he took from me, how much my relationship with her meant.
Am I the asshole for wanting him to leave our apartment? I have also been looking in to divorce but don’t know if I am overreacting.
He didn’t physically cheat on me, but I can’t help feeling emotionally disturbed. I have been crying since I found out. He doesn’t want me, he doesn’t respect me. He wants to have sex with other people. He is asking other people for nudes. I feel like he has taken advantage of me. I work a full time job, I take care of our daughter and her needs 95% of the time. I do his laundry and always have food made for him to eat. I try so hard to make his life easier. I do all the cleaning, I handle paying all the bills. I feel so dumb for trying so hard.
I’m so confused, like how long has he been doing this behind my back? I have never snooped his phones or checked his call or anything , I have completely trusted his word and give him his space. I am feeling very stupid right now.
I just feel like I lost respect for him, we are very open with each other and have agreed to tell one another if we ever loose interest or are attracted to someone else because we should at least have that respect for one another and not cheat. But he didn’t tell me. I happened to open our laptop and the messages started coming in and the text was displayed so I read his texts asking for sex and nudes. If I hadn’t opened the lap top I would have never known, and he would have never told me.
Am I the asshole for asking for a divorce and asking him to move out?
Please shed some light on the situation because I can’t. I’m just so hurt
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
mNEEmgGjI4NiZTXP6RNF6OGixIrmFmiY
|
ay0dpe
|
{
"description": "not wanting to give my neighbor a ride to school in the morning",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to give my neighbor a ride to school in the morning?
|
I live in a house with some other dudes and we have neighbors with young children. A kind of friendship has been formed between the kids and a couple of my roommates. And I don't know when it started, but one of the kids has been coming over to our house in the morning and asking for a ride to school when he over sleeps and misses the school bus. A couple of my roommates are willing to give him a ride, but typically, I am the only one awake, or home, at that time. However, he comes over about the same time I leave for work, 7:25am. So that means I have to go try and wake up one of my roommates to give him a ride. My roommates have raised the question a couple times as to why I can't give him a ride. I have a couple issues with giving him a ride and I would appreciate your help in understanding if I am just being an asshole.
The thing is, even if I didn't have that conflict with leaving for work, I still don't want to give this kid a ride to school. For one, giving this kid a ride when he misses the school bus just teaches him that it's okay to oversleep and miss the school bus because one of us will bail him out. Plus, the more roommates who are willing to give him a ride will increase the frequency that this happens, I feel.
Also, as I mentioned, a kind of friendship has formed between the kids next door and a couple of my roommates. They come over to our place sometimes asking for chores to do for money. I want no part of this because I am worried that someone, like a neighbor, is going to get the wrong idea and we are going to have the cops come knocking on our door. So, for that reason also, I would prefer to just keep my distance from these kids and not give one of them a ride to school.
I feel that it is one thing to be friendly with the neighbor kids, it is another thing to give them rides to school or let them come over and do chores for money.
And before people inevitably ask, I have no idea why his parents can't give him a ride to school. I also asked my roommates the same thing and they have no idea.
So am I just being an asshole here for not wanting to help this kid out?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
JyUqAb7MSrVU07ye4FVZL4LkhCI7sEEt
|
angvvu
|
{
"description": "yelling at my friend/partner for a project",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for yelling at my friend/partner for a project?
|
Okay, so I'm a college kid studying education. I have 20 credit hours and two jobs at the moment. My schedule is packed and requires careful planning an maneuvering when it comes to planning stuff. I get paired with one of my friends in an education class. We'll call her Alex. Alex and I have been friends for two years. She does not have a car, I do have a car. She has a tendency to charge forward and plan/schedule things without consulting partners, thinking she'll be helpful. She also has this tendency to expect rides from me because she doesn't like walking around in the cold.
So fast forward to today. I'm rolling groggily out of bed, pissy and uncomfortable, and I get a text from Alex. She's like "make sure to come by my apartment later at 2:30 for our observation clinical!". I was confused because of "our". I did not plan an observation at all, so I text her like "what do you mean by "our"? "Oh! I told Dr. Prof that you could come today! You are free Tuesday afternoons, so I figured it would be fine."
Typically, yes, I am free Tuesday afternoons, but not today. I had to pick up a shift at the daycare I work at because, due to one of our teachers passing away unexpectedly, we're shortstaffed and scrambling to remain in ratio. I felt bad so I took the shift to lighten the load on our director. I told her that it was going to be tough at work and I was planning on doing the observation *next* week, when things were a little less crazy, but I'd consider trying to find a gap this week. In the end, I didn't find a gap and didn't tell her, which I should have. But she didn't ask my schedule when planning this.
I was really mad. She became the brunt of all my anger and frustration for the past month. All my lack of sleep, my loss of a friend, my constant running, never getting to relax... I called her and exploded. I was yelling into the phone, asking her why the hell she would schedule something that important without consulting me, we're supposed to be partners, she knows this semester has been awful for me, why would she do this...
She just squeaked out the saddest "I was trying to help" and then hung up. She's not answering my texts, but her boyfriend and all our friends are asking me why she's so upset. I don't even know if we're still going to this observation clinical or she needs a ride. I called off work. I brought my clinical clothes to campus today. I feel like an awful bitch for yelling at her because I think I overreacted... But I also feel like I'm being guilted into feeling this way by her and the people in our friend group siding with her. Am I the asshole here or am I justified in feeling this frustrated and upset?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
jmoY6YQTE4WjTRmc3avMM21cGeZassM6
|
aud0hb
|
{
"description": "not wearing shorts under my skirt to school",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wearing shorts under my skirt to school?
|
So this happened last year, with my now ex. But it keeps bugging me, for some reason.
I'm a 16 year old girl, and I go to a public school in Colombia (if that's any relevant). My classroom is on the third floor, so I have to forcefully take the stairs to get to class.
So it's class day, so I normally wake up and first things first I get dressed. Shirt, socks, skirt, etc. My school's uniform also includes a kind of sports short that is skin-thight, and you have to use it under your skirt to prevent any kind of situation where your panties can be shown.
But, oh no! Mines were dirty that day, and it was too late to change into pants. So i said, i don't fricking give a heck, and just went to school with my skirt.
So, in my way there, when I was about to arrive my classroom, the wind blew and my skirt went anime tits and I think a fraction of my butt showed, but as far as I know no one was around to see. That was it, that was all that happened.
So after class I arrive home, and text my bf to see how he is. Naturally, we talk about what happened in our days. So I tell him about the skirt, and about what happened before I entered classroom. No biggie, just a qUiRkY embarassing moment, right?
Nope, he went fucking feral on me.
He got extremely mad for something I though was so little. He first said, that how was I so stupid to with no shorts (he's from my school so he knows) and that anyone could have seen below when I was taking the stairs. He told me that the girls that went like (me) at school were sluts, asked me if i liked showing myself (???) to others, and said that I have no respect for myself, or for him. Basically he spoke to me like I was a whore.
I tried to explain myself, but he just didn't listen. I literally didn't understood anything. I thought what I did was harmless, heck, I didn't even put thought into it, i just did it. But i definetly thought that it was unfair he was mad at me, for something I didn't have control over.
So, Reddit, am I the asshole?
TL;DR: I went to school without shorts underneat my skirt, like how girl uniform is supposed to be. I told my boyfriend, and he got furious, saying that how could I go around displaying myself like that, and talked to me like I was a whore. AITA for not wearing shorts? Is he in the right to be mad?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"OTHER": 20,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
NHnwsYhAft4jPS7iNsJjGMl8jdSGj6tF
|
a4uapf
|
{
"description": "completely cutting her out after she got a bf",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 100
}
|
AITA for completely cutting her out after she got a BF?
|
So me and this girl were really close. We both admitted we had feelings for each other but then things cooled off, and such. Then last night i found out she had gotten a BF and completely cut her out after finding that out, i blocked her on everything. Then her friends started texting me asking why i blocked her and i blocked them too. Today at school she came up to me crying asking what she did wrong but I didn't even speak to her, I just walked away. Her friend called me an asshole but i think i have a right to cut her off. I dont see a point in speakeaing to her if she has a Bf now TBH, but her friends think im an asshole, and she has been really sad all day about it, her bf is angry too i think
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 99,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 3
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 100
}
|
WRONG
|
2nBAmN6ptKa0l8d2Vtf92IkPdod8LIfm
|
af816n
|
{
"description": "planning on making my roommate pay the entire electric bill",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA for planning on making my roommate pay the entire electric bill?
|
So when fall semester ended I went back home to work and get money and my roommate stayed at our apt by himself. Now all the previous times I lived at the apt myself I never charged my roommates (previous and current) for electric when they weren’t actively living there (the electric is in my name, and I lived there over the summer when my roommates would be at home). But when I left for winter break, my roommate stayed at our apt. He has a habit of not being very energy efficient (he will leave our front door wide open, turn the heat on full blast when it only needs to be on low, leave every single light on that he can find, play video games until 5am etc). I’m not the richest person and I’m half expecting a $180 bill for electric that someone else used. When I get the bill I’m planning on just handing it to him and having him pay it all since I haven’t lived there the past month.
I took out all my electronics, cleared my stuff out of the fridge when I left, the only thing I did was put my heat on low in my room so my pipes wouldn’t burst.
I would be fine sharing the bill if we both left for the winter, but I don’t think I can afford to pay for his expensive habits (if I’m not there to be his “mom” he won’t take care of the place)
AITA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
xr2uj7TwHX4Rlrph7WNEviZiPfbE6LCT
|
aolc19
| null |
AITA or WIBTHA for saying something? Lady at gym.
|
So my boyfriend goes to the gym to take advantage of the pool. I had never been to the gym before so he invited ne along and offered to add me to his membership (which is an additional $10/mo per person on top of the $40/mo fee). We pay $50 and get full run of the gym but really only use the pool/hot tub, the smoothie bar, and sometimes the treadmill.
My first day there I walked into the women's area and found the changing stalls, the toilets and the shower. I showered and my boyfriend had told me that there was a door in the room that would go out to the pool. When I couldn't find the door I decided to walk into the room I entered into (a room with lockers, a water fountain, etc and this woman was getting her 5-6 year old son dressed. I didnt notice, they were in the back and I was walking back out to look for someone who could help me, and I was almost to the door, when she all of a sudden said "excuse me, my kid is getting dressed here." I mumbled a "sorry" and continued walking and I heard her say "I bet you are sorry." I rolled my eyes but kept looking for someone who could help me. I found someone who showed me where the door was (I think this lady had left by this time I had come in with the person showing me around. It turned out the door was in the corner, with a wall in front of it, and there wasnt a sign that said "POOL AREA". Nothing had signs. You had to walk around the wall, go into the corner and open the door. Explains why i couldn'tfind it.
I later learned that there is only one way in and out and tbats through the dressing rooms. There are literally people walking in and out at random times so I learned to change in the changing stall. But Im jist wondering, am I the asshole for walking back through the dressing room or would I have been the asshole for pointing out the changing stalls if she didn't want people walking in on her or her kid?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
9g2G0QaMlenrdsnfg5juj8U5bcgyJfXa
|
b6e4da
|
{
"description": "being distant with my father",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for being distant with my father
|
So I recently graduated and live at home. Well, I live with my parents, who rent a low-income home. I help contribute rent, internet, phone, etc.
While I was away, it seems that the relationship and situation with my dad has worsened. Four years ago, he was diagnosed with cancer and underwent surgery. I am thankful that he is still with us and grateful for each and every second I have left with him. That being said, in addition to taking anti-rejection medication, he also has COPD and asthma. He struggles to perform activities like vacuuming but does take the occasional walk or two every day.
Whenever I come home from work or am at home for the weekend, I see him lying in bed most of the time, reading or sleeping. He sometimes sleeps 12 hours a day, and some days does not leave the house. I have communicated my frustrations with him leading such a lifestyle, how he should not use his condition as an excuse to not be able to lead a meaningful life. I've offered to help him find other hobbies or join a volunteer organization but he continually makes excuses as to the condition of his health or his lack of English speaking for not doing so.
Not wanting to be influenced by him, I have distanced myself from him. I do not go out of my way to ask him for advice nor spend quality time with him. I begrudgingly say, "Bye, Dad" in the morning when I leave for work and "Hello, Dad" when I come home from work, but I do not see how we can recover our father-son relationship if he does not want to accept my help. I long for a healthy, meaningful relationship with him, but I cannot accept the lifestyle he has adopted, living day in and day out without a meaning or a cause greater than himself. Am I the asshole for distancing myself from my father?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
ccVtMN2c8cB5H6FRTYHspdLNT92mZIvC
|
9y2j0i
|
{
"description": "going out with a girl in my school with no intention of being serious",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA: For going out with a girl in my school with no intention of being serious. (17M)
|
I am a senior in school right now and I have been feeling oddly lonely this past month. I feel like I don’t have friends I could talk to at home. Most of my friends are guys and I would really like some time to bond with a girl. It’s been a year since my last relationship. So WIBTA for going out with a girl in my school just for fun. (I wouldn’t cheat nor use her just need someone to talk to when I’m lonely.) Also the reason why I have no intention of taking the relationship serious is because I think the girls in my school aren’t mature enough.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
tYFPim0Ofm2sA1nr5KxE873nozSWzytV
|
b0uo1n
|
{
"description": "asking to be with my friend for the finale of the game I bought him",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for asking to be with my friend for the finale of the game i bought him
|
so I got my friend a murder mystery game, danganropa (and yes, it's the first one), before he played the game I told him that I wanted to be with him "I do wanna be there when you have the trials in chapter 4-6, 5 and 6 at the very least" he just finished the 4th trial and figuring he either forgot, or was currently in a situation where he couldn't be in a call in discord. I reminded him that I wanted to be there for the trials in chapters 5 and 6, where he then flips his shit cause I "spoiled" the game because he didn't think there'd be anymore trials. He did forget about that i wanted to be with him for that, and got mad at me. so am I the asshole in this situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
y5VCAB3XABfdGqAOXnHGWgnsCdakmHxB
|
b7grc1
|
{
"description": "not wanting to meet his brother",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to meet his brother?
|
I am a 21 year old college student and have been going on dates with a guy for just over a week now.
&#x200B;
Tonight he texted me and asked me if I wanted to go to a classical concert with him and his brother. I asked him if his brother would be upset if we didn't go and did another activity together. He said his brother would probably be a little sad.
&#x200B;
I know this wouldn't be a big deal to most people. I felt uncomfortable for 2 reasons - I have only been dating the guy for a week and meeting his brother is pretty intimidating and kind of a big deal to me. I said to him that I'd rather join in on a group date we were also invited to tonight (bowling).
He seems pretty understanding but I still feel super bad.
&#x200B;
AITA for not wanting to go to the concert and to meet his brother for the first time?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
Z7O72a8VCzkmoikxCsX0MBgNzE4ecjec
|
axn2m0
|
{
"description": "not allowing my gf to attend game night with my guy friends",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not allowing my gf to attend game night with my guy friends?
|
Gf moved here from out of state. She hasn’t made any real friends. Just some work people she went out with a few times, but they stopped. I’ve tried to help her. We both downloaded the meetup app and I offered to go with her to wherever she chose, but she never picked anything.
I have this weekly game night with my buddies from college. It’s a guy’s night kind of thing. A girl in the mix would totally change the atmosphere.
She’s been wanting me to bring her. That my friends could be her friends too. I just think her being there would kill the mood. Like the kind of joking we do with each other would definitely hurt her feelings if she was in on it. Plus as much as I love her, I do feel kinda smothered by her sometimes. It’s nice to have a night away from her once a week.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
GHEo8C4hduzbCOl8GQzGfsRfvRBExxCl
|
9t6ctw
|
{
"description": "disliking my disabled sister",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for disliking my disabled sister?
|
First time posting, gonna try and not be ranty.
My sister has some type of medical condition similar to Down syndrome but not Down syndrome. Best way I can describe it is she acts like she’s 4 and has a horrible short term memory. She’s 10
We have to take several precautions due to her being accident prone, and not learning from her mistakes. When confronted about her mistakes she gets angry and says she isn’t doing anything wrong.
She gets up at around 2-3 am to wander around the house. We have to lock the pantry, and our bedrooms at night, the issue is whenever we get up for school we have to use those weird key things for doors with the tiny hole.
She wakes up our mother who is near always sleep deprived. At 3 am.
She asks for food at restaurants like normal, but then refuses to eat it. Then when we get home asks for food.
Begs for food that she doesn’t like. She doesn’t eat salad but always asks for it.
Wanders around in public, this is where the really embarrassing parts come in because I have to interact with people.
She will drop everything (literally) whenever she sees a dog or a baby. She will go and pet it, yes even babies, and I have to pull her away. The hard part is most of the time it’s a service dog or someone who just looks like they had a bad day.
She has to be held by the hand everywhere we go, as she refuse to follow our general direction otherwise.
She doesn’t understand that you have to buy things and tries to take whatever she wants.
But the one thing that drives me insane and i cannot mention without ranting is baby doll videos. You know, YouTube kids stuff. Johnny Johnny, finger family, god that stuff drives me insane. She’s still learning the alphabet but somehow can recite finger family and Johnny Johnny from memory. Neither of my parents see an issue but she watches these videos every car ride, without headphones. Full volume. Whenever we try headphones she unplugs them. She unplugs anything in her iPad, including the charger, and will wine when it doesn’t work.
I don’t like her, I don’t like finger family, and I have hidden how much I dislike her for fear of my family.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
n2Nmcny9sQDkcps93zwwFbLzUXyeudlw
|
at72rw
| null |
AITA: Made Remark to Friend About Diet, Ended in Argument
|
Background:
In past I have had some depressive episodes and expressed my feelings with my friend about how I felt about myself and what my problems were with my mental health. I am hyper aware of my actions and what my tendencies are, and my eating disorder has not flared up in at least four years.
&#x200B;
The messages:
&#x200B;
Me: I think I'm going to try a fasting diet to see if it changes my
&#x200B;
Her: Did you ask (redacted) about those therapists.
\- Our friend at college had said he had a list of therapists in the area that most likely will take your insurance since we are all away at college.
&#x200B;
Me: What does this have to do with a fasting diet?
&#x200B;
Her: It just seems like you're on the road to an eating disorder and you're not seeing
&#x200B;
Me: I appreciate that you're looking out for me but you need to trust me that I am not on my way to that
&#x200B;
Me: I've never had anorexia, I would binge eating and that has nothing to do with fasting which isn't starvation because I would be eating twice a day but fasting 16 hours in total a day
&#x200B;
Her: You do you but don't expect me to support it unless you go and see someone and are fully mentally okay
&#x200B;
Me: I can't go see someone because I don't have my insurance card yet and also I didn't like any of the therapists here that support my
&#x200B;
Me: And I have to pay for a visit anyways
&#x200B;
Me: I have never had a horrible eating disorder and I also am conscious of my tendencies and I haven't binged in years. And I never will be fully okay mentally but Iam not in a place to get back to harmful binging. I appreciate your concern but you really insulted me because you don't know everything about my mental health. And I am open to discussing it to you in detail but I just need you to know that I am hyper aware of my tendencies and will never let myself get back to the point I was at when I was binging. I really appreciate and love our friendship.
&#x200B;
Her: Dude just don't take my advice. You messaged me and said you might and I thought that was you wanting me to tell you what I thought but if you don't want to listen then that's fine. I'm not just gonna say what you want me to say but if you ignore me that's fine.
&#x200B;
Me: It's not that I don't want to listen it's just that you don't have all the information to give good enough criticial advice for my specific situation. I don't want you to say anything specific, it was just a comment and I just felt insulted because the way that you responded was in a way that made it sound like you knew better for me than I did.
&#x200B;
Her: Whatever dude I obviously don't know you as well as you know yourself.
&#x200B;
I just want to know if I'm the asshole in this situation? Am I being too harsh on her and just not letting this thing go.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
Yy6uf7Bo99ChCiNyHghob16PrWRjWPuW
|
a9vggn
|
{
"description": "not wanting to take an ancestry.com dna test",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to take an Ancestry.com DNA test?
|
First off, I'm on mobile, so, formatting, yadda yadda.
My dad got the family a set of the tests as Christmas gifts. I think they're an interesting concept, but after going to school for cyber security/digitial forensics I've grown wary of people and companies collecting my information. I had actually found the kits a month early, and it had been on my mind since.
I'm generally an anxious person, so I did some research myself. TLDR, They have to claim ownership of your DNA to get it tested. They say they won't use it for anything else, and you can request your information to be deleted, but who knows if/when either of those will change.
I expressed to him this, saying that I really liked the idea, and appreciated the gift, however I didn't want to take the test right there and then. He got very defensive, and said "If you don't take the test, you're not going to get your other gifts". I eventually bit the bullet and just did it to prevent a bigger scene; also while setting reminders for myself to contact Ancestry and request the deletion.
AITA? A sidenote, my brother (3 years younger) flat out refused to take the test, without providing a reason. (This was before I gave mine. He had been told to leave, and that he wasn't getting gifts.)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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