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a7gdzo
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{
"description": "not wanting to invite our friend on spring break",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to invite our friend on spring break?
|
My three friends and I are seniors in college and are planning a spring break cruise. We have narrowed it down to two options, leaving out of two different cities. However, one of the cities is one of the girl in our friend group’s hometown, and so far she has not been a part of our spring break planning. She is really only close with one of the girls going, but more importantly, she hasn’t been a very good friend recently.
She got a long distance boyfriend a while ago and has completely changed. She used to be bubbly and wanting to go out and have fun. Now, she never really hangs out with us, and when she does, she’ll leave early because “she promised him she’d call at x time”. She even said she’s been feeling excluded from our group because “all we do is go out and party” (not true). She hasn’t really been around much this past semester, and when she has, she acts super reserved and is always on her phone.
So, WWBTA if we didn’t invite her on a spring break trip that left from her home city?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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VJDYjxdJj3rBDBL9s4NoU1rBGH8F5ZLr
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b0xvof
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{
"description": "making my girlfriend's roommate cry",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for making my girlfriend’s roommate cry?
|
Her roommate, let’s call her X, is very opinionated, so I don’t particularly like her. She’s said things to my girlfriend that make me wanna reach through the phone and strangle her. She’ll say shit like “honestly you’ve eaten so shitty this week, you shouldn’t be thinking about yogurt” and my girlfriend just takes it because she’s too nice.
So this past weekend I drove up to see my girlfriend because she’d just finished midterms and I wanted to treat her (she’s a nursing major and *always* working her ass off). I’ve never met X in person because she usually leaves before Friday. I got there around 9ish and my girlfriend had just showered (she tries to get in a morning run every other day to de-stress). So while we’re packing up some of her stuff to leave, X starts saying some shit about cardio being stupid. Keep in mind, both my girlfriend and I were/are runners. But then she starts specifically targeting my girlfriend’s BODY, saying that running will make her scrawnier and less attractive than she already is. My girlfriend, of course, just laughed it off. And not that it would matter, but my girlfriend’s body fucking *rocks*. She’s got nice toned legs and a cute little butt, not to mention that beautiful smile.
At that point hearing her do this shit in person sent me off the edge. I told her to fuck off and to focus on herself because my girlfriend wasn’t the one who needed fitness advice. They both just looked at me and then X walked into the bathroom, slamming the door. After we leave my girlfriend gives the typical “she’s really sensitive and it wasn’t a big deal” spiel in the car.
Fast forward to last night and I call my girlfriend as usual. Awhile later X comes back in and they start talking, so I just sit back and let them finish. After 40 minutes or so, I say that I’m gonna go shower. But before hanging up, I hear X say something alone the lines of “it’s weird how he calls you ‘baby’ when he’s a baby,” and laugh, so I ask what she meant by that. She responds with “you’re literally still in high school, you’re basically a baby”. Then I just started cussing her out and telling her to grow the fuck up, etc. This time I hear her cry and my girlfriend hangs up.
My girlfriend is 2 years older and it was a big insecurity of mine when we first started dating because I didn’t feel like I measured up. I know it’s stupid but it’s something people tease me about, so I took it too personally. I still think X is a shitty person, but I feel bad after hearing her cry. I’m usually not that hot headed, but I hate the way she talks to my girlfriend.
I’m probably gonna end up apologizing either way because I feel like absolute shit, but I wanna know if her being a shitty person justifies me being shitty back?
TLDR; cussed out my girlfriend’s roommate for insulting her body and making fun of our age gap, made her cry twice
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"AUTHOR": 3,
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OTHER
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{
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|
WRONG
|
PtnVi5Q9Ds7SMXff1JveYLrAJbBRjPuJ
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b4wnft
|
{
"description": "telling my boyfriend I still need space",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling my boyfriend I still need space?
|
Background: I suffer from mental illnesses, the specifics aren't important. Normally, I can live around them, but lately due to a lot of personal stress, my mental health has been suffering, so I decided to take a break from everything. I posted on Facebook explaining that I needed time to myself to regroup and recover, and for the most part, everyone was supportive and respected my No Contact rules. I texted my boyfriend before I made the post, just because I felt weird about him finding out through a Facebook post, and his response was "sounds like a break up but ok", which was annoying, but whatever. I made it explicitly clear it wasn't a break up, and it wasn't just him, might I add.
Fast forward about two weeks to present day. Still going through a lot of personal shit, but I feel guilty for cutting contact with everyone, and starting to ease myself back into talking to people, including my boyfriend. We talked over text and in person when he showed up at my work (this is normal, and I don't really mind if it's slow, but sometimes he stays too long and I don't want to get in trouble), and I think everything's going to be okay, but he starts pushing to hang out again. Like, later that day despite me having errands I've been neglecting, and tomorrow (today, now) when I said no. After work he texts me if we can still hang out in the morning, and when I tell him I'm not emotionally ready to hang out with anyone right now, he got upset, pointing out that last weekend I had gone to visit my brother, and if I can go see my brother there's no reason I can't hang out with him. Yeah, I kinda get it, but at the same time, my brother needs surgery, and it's moderately serious and I wanted to see him and offer support if he needed it, and that visit caused me a lot of stress for reasons I won't get into. He accused me of not wanting to see him, and making things up for attention, and doesn't understand when I say I do want to see him, but right now, even talking to my roommate for two minutes is extremely draining. As for the making it up part...I honestly just pretended I didn't read that because wow. He sent me a good morning text earlier, but I haven't responded yet. I just don't want to deal with him right now.
I guess what I'm asking is Am I the Asshole for wanting to slowly reintroduce myself into socializing again? Or for cutting off contact with everyone in the first place? I'm starting to feel really guilty about the entire situation.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"OTHER": 2,
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}
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NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
CO8PPpqKUDjhjnS7aPFTjEUfzhHxq0HL
|
abs5g7
|
{
"description": "stopping contacting a good friend because of her suicidal tendencies",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA because I stopped contacting a good friend because of her suicidal tendencies
|
Ok guys, honestly just found this Reddit, and every so often I wonder am I the asshole for this. So a little bit of backstory (On mobile so I’m sorry for formatting): A friend of mine, we’ll call her Tal. We’ve been friends since kindergarten, she was there for me when I had no friend, (I was very shy) and she was honestly one of my first real friends.
Anyways we’ve drifted apart once we both hit third grade, fast forward to seventh grade, I was staying at my school later than usual because I just finished tutoring a friend when I saw Tals mom coming in the school asking about her to the facility, as it seems she tried to kill her self in the school bathroom. When she was found I started to try and be connected with her again, at first it was great, we would play video games everyday and talk on Skype for hours.
But she relapsed again in eighth grade and Took pills to take her life, she told me what she did and told me I was like a brother to her. I went to then councilor and got an ambulance to come and pump her stomach. Prior to this a lot of my close friends would tell me not to bother because she is; an “attention whore” and it wasn’t worth my time. I never believed it because this was my oldest friend. But soon after she got taken to the hospital she accepted my friend request on Instagram and I saw how a lot of her posts were about how much she wants to die and how nobody loves her ETC, what took me by surprise was she actually posted about her and how she tried to kill herself and even tagged me in it, claiming: “A friend saved her life” Soon after that she would post pictures of her cuts, and cutting. This activity persisted for another year.
Once we hit high school she took a turn for the worse, she would only come to school once a week, she would ignore me and anybody else, and would just sit alone no matter how much I invited her to sit with our old friend group. The next year she dropped out of high school, we still talked but a lot of what she said seemed to be more about how nobody loves her and she should just die. Suicide has been especially difficult for me as one of my exs threatened suicide if I didn’t date her.
The reason I don’t want to contact her isn’t because I don’t want to deal with her or her problems, it’s because I feel like she uses me to get attention or something. She would make me worry and freak out and call and text her, then act as if everything was normal, I couldn’t take it, the last straw was when she told me she was enrolling back in our school, and only said that so I would tell her everything that she missed, ie: the drama and such, at the time I was just happy she was getting her life back on track.
Well, I recently graduated and her mom contacted my mom giving me her new number. I want to help her, but I feel like she only wants to talk to me so that I can give her attention. I really care about her but I don’t think I can help her anymore. AITA
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
WzXPuOamtkZ7xezmwuOZgP39jIGr4jNd
|
a4sr7x
|
{
"description": "giving my mom the silent treatment",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for giving my mom the silent treatment
|
So I get home after two 12-hour lifeguard certification training days and right on my bedroom door is a neat aquatics sticker exclusive to my current high school water polo team. Well you could only get one (only one per person ) during the recent water polo season (if you're on the varsity team).
I thought it was pretty cool and was saving it to put on a water bottle, surfboard, bumper, etc.
Now, last time I was at this house (my mom/stepdads place), I had the sticker in my LOCKED (locked since I have a 3 year old half sister who likes to get into things) room.
Immediately. I questioned my mom with suspicion because she mentioned how she wanted the sticker about week or two ago
She claimed that my little sister got it and then stuck it on my door. This seems valid, right? Well, that's what I thought until I realized that the sticker was placed on the door about 6 feet off the ground.
My little sister is about 2-3 feet tall so obviously my mom placed it there.
When I confronted my mom with this she conceded that she actually did put it there after my sister retrieved it from my room (which would only be possible if she was let inside by my mom).
Reasons I'm ticked off-
1. My mom completely ignored my telling to not let my little sister in my room anymore because she has lost many of my personal items previous times.
2. My mom blamed it completely on my sister, a 3 year old child, instead of taking responsibility for her actions (until I called her out for it).
3. My mom did not think about how it would affect me at all (it's my personal belonging) and she placed the value of my right how have personal belongings items below her lazy desire for convenience ((she easily could have just placed it back on my desk and locked the door)).
4. My mom repeatedly shows a lack of respect for other people and their belongings.
So I'm giving her the silent treatment for a week.
I'm not mad about the sticker itself, but at how she doesn't think about others at all and has shown that over and over again.
Am I just a petty-as-fuck little asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
tw6fNiZZXnLG4lgufvYpmwAl2j7dcl5I
|
a4m467
|
{
"description": "not paying my sitter",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
Aita for not paying my sitter?
|
First time posting and this is quite a long story, however going to make it as short as possible.
So my daughter started using a new sitter last Saturday. I paid up through Friday. Before dropping her off yesterday I got some money to pay the sitter. It’s 25$ a day. So we get to the sitters house and go in, as I’m setting down her car seat the sitters Great Dane comes from another room and takes a bite of my arm. I used to work with animals and the dog wasn’t a puppy so it wasn’t play biting. She was full grown probably around 150 lbs. the sitter comes in the room and was like omg did she bite you?! I felt bad I know it’s not logical since I didn’t do anything to provoke the dog. I firmly believe that the owner put the dog in a situation she was not comfortable with since she had previously told me the dog doesn’t do well with strangers. So when I got back to pick my daughter up the dog was inside again and started barking at me. The sitter then put the dog outside. I told her my schedule changed and I would let her know if I needed her to babysit. I was trying to be nice about the reason I didn’t want my daughter there. But about halfway home I realized I forgot to give her the money for babysitting that day. I honestly do not want to go back there. I think the dog is dangerous to strangers ( she seems to do fine with the family). And I feel like if I go back I’m just asking to be bit again. So aita for forgetting to pay the sitter 25$ for yesterday and deciding not to go back and give it to her because of the dog?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
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|
WRONG
|
ZSDPMjYlDKiRoFwbqYEQoSwuD3ElIeRq
|
adqxw4
|
{
"description": "asking my husband to miss his sister's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 86,
"contranormative_score": 89
}
|
AITA for asking my husband to miss his sister's wedding?
|
My sister-in-law is getting married soon, and my husband and I were super excited to go to the wedding until we received the invitation. The wedding is adults only, no kids allowed. My husband and I have a 2-month old who does not sleep more than 2 hours and is still breastfeeding. The wedding is far away and would have to be a weekend trip. Because we would have to be gone for so long, and because our baby is pretty high maintenance, there is no one we feel comfortable giving that burden too. My husband considered going on his own, he was supposed to be in the wedding, but I am barely getting by as is I don't feel like I could handle a whole weekend with the baby by myself. He agreed that it would be difficult and decided to decline the invitation. His sister is extremely angry with us for not coming to her special day, she feels abandoned, but she does not want to budge on the no children rule, so it is what it is. Am I the asshole for asking my husband to miss this important day so that I am not alone caring for the baby?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 70,
"EVERYBODY": 15,
"NOBODY": 16,
"INFO": 5
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 86,
"WRONG": 89
}
|
WRONG
|
Qdgh2gFIZmqVkikdzBh7yVetTvG0UD3F
|
b1c0gm
|
{
"description": "not giving my parents cupcakes",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not giving my parents cupcakes?
|
So I'm a 16 year old boy who loves to bake, I'm pretty good at it, I've done it since I was very little and took a bit of a break in high school, but started again last year. So a few days ago I was making chocolate cupcakes for the first time in ages, and I was wanting to teach myself icing to improve my presentation.
I had just taken the cupcakes out of the oven, and they had cooled a bit, and my mam came in the room (she's a genuinely lovely woman), and she asked for two cupcakes for her and my dad to have with their tea, and I said no because I was wanting to have quite a few for the icing (there was ten), and them she asked again, and again and again for around five minutes, I kept saying no. About ten minutes after she left I realised that I might not have enough icing for every cupcake, so I went into the living room and tried to give them some cakes, when I did that my dad (again, a usually genuinely lovely man) shouted at me to get out seemingly out of nowhere.
I ended up having enough icing for all of the cakes and they came out pretty decent, but my dad refused to eat any because I didn't give him any, and my mam didn't have any because my dad told her not to. My brother gave up cakes and biscuits for lent too, so I had a full batch to myself! My dad has been acting kind of mad for a few days, and my mam said that he's "livid". Apparently he's talking about charging me for the electricity I use when I bake (I don't have a job, so that'd be difficult), and my mam is trying to get me to apologise, but I'm not sure if I should because I don't think I'm in the wrong, and I know he'll still be mad. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
QGO391sFMsFp0bwbxdE4UD1nilJK6yrt
|
a0v0e3
| null |
AITA in this romantic situation?
|
Hello everyone. English is not my native language, so my friend is checking this grammar. I may not respond quickly. I'm sorry.
Here is the backstory:
One year ago, something very stressful and sad happened in my life. I became very depressed. I stopped exercising and gained 10 kilogram. Before, I was normal weight in my country. A few months ago, I began to diet and exercise. I am eating 1200 calories a day. And I am going on long bicycle rides three to fie times a week. I am steadily and very slowly losing weight.
Around the same time I lost my depression and started taking care of my healthy, I met a man. His pseudonym will be Hashio. Hashio is amazing. We talk on the phone twice a week for two, three hours. We have the same worldview and many same interests. We love the same literature, music, philosophy, and so on. We seem each other's mirror! Hashio is a very rare person in the world. Of course I really liked him soon after we started meeting every week for coffee.
A few days before my birthday, I told him I needed to tell him something. He seemed happy. He said messages like, "I can't sleep now! I wanna hear what you say!"
So I confessed my feelings for him. He said he really liked me too. Then he said like, "I'm so sorry. . . But your body could be cuter. But I like your personality and your face." I told him I know and I was working very hard. He said, "Can't you try harder?"
I said I would exercise every day. He said, "I really like you and you are a nice girl. Let's be friends and go slowly."
I was really heartbroken. I guess because I thought Hashio would understand. He knows depression. But I know it's my fault. Also, Hashio is a little famous singer, so I am not surprised he wants a really cute girlfriend. But I never thought I could connect so well, and find someone like him. His words hurt me and actually made me a bit obsessed with my weight. I can't stand looking in the mirror.
A week after my birthday in November, I reunited with my classmates from univ. We went drinking together. One of them is a man named Kiku. When Kiku and I were waiting for a train home, Kiku said he actually really likes me. He has for a long time. And he said I was beautiful. I told him I don't know him so well, but he asked me to give him a chance. Because I was feeling hurt by Hashio, I was happy for Kiku's kindness. So we went on some dates together.
I don't want dating advice. I want to know if AITA for dating Kiku after Hashio asked to be friends and go slowly? Hashio thinks I am not cute enough now. I don't know Kiku so well, but he likes me now so I want to give him a chance. But Hashio said he likes my personality. . . Should I feel bad about what I am doing? Please judge me. orz
Also, I am 28F. Hashio is 27M. Kiku is 30M.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
Ce7dupl590nr0POHkmCRSlYVLWEyUGPF
|
amke4f
|
{
"description": "consistently tipping 15% of the total (pre-tax) because I disagree with the gratuity system",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
WIBTA if I consistently tip 15% of the total (pre-tax) because I disagree with the gratuity system?
|
I'm mainly referring to restaurants, but interested if perspectives differ outside of restaurants.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 2,
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
C6FN5d1YKB3JkzfVGzipRrNyB1PB2G8F
|
b0zo28
|
{
"description": "encouraging my wife to breastfeed",
"pronormative_score": 94,
"contranormative_score": 378
}
|
AITA for encouraging my wife to breastfeed?
|
My wife is 22, I am 25 and we have a 1 month old baby girl.
After giving birth, my wife breastfed our baby for a couple of weeks. She says breastfeeding tires her and she gets discouraged when she doesn’t produce enough milk. I’ve read a lot of sources which says breastfeeding is healthiest for the baby. She knows this too, considering she’s a nurse.
But she says she doesn’t think she can do it. I bought a breast pump but she barely uses it. She wants to formula feed our baby. I don’t think this is a good idea. Our baby is only 1 month old...
I don’t get why she would formula feed when breastfeeding is so much more natural and better for the baby. I’ve bought her lots of foods which are supposed to increase milk production. She HAS milk, but she just says she doesn’t like the action of breastfeeding. It makes her “feel like a cow”. I think thats a bit ridiculous.
She cried yesterday and said she says I’m making her feel like a bad mother. That’s absolutely not my intention. I apologized and said I just wanted our daughter to grow up healthy and strong.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 378
}
|
WRONG
|
QZbXhWjwk4lRzC1wdjS4ZwY8Ov9bwqTx
|
ajr6h5
|
{
"description": "snapping back at my mother after she tried to make me feel Stupid/Useless, after my Dad got suspended from work",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA: I Snapped Back At My Mother After She Tried to Make Me Feel Stupid/Useless, After My Dad Got Suspended From Work.
|
**The Issue:**
My dad just got suspended from his job yesterday. For those wondering, he took a lunch break when he wasn't supposed to with a bunch of his coworkers. Somebody found them in the back room but only picked 3-4 people to blame and my dad was one of the unlucky ones.
We don't know how long his suspension will last, and I don't know how the decision process works when it comes to "un-suspending" someone. From what I've heard when it comes to suspensions, there's a slim chance companies will ever allow an employee to come back.
The main problem is, his job was our main source of income. He's had this job for 15-20 years or so; it'll be difficult for him to work his way back up and still receive the same benefits.
**The Problem:**
Now the problem is my mother. I almost never speak ill of my family, but she's been a complete ass about the entire thing. She went to me first yesterday evening and told me everything. I was her shoulder to cry on.
But then, the next morning, she went around telling us (my younger brother and I) this: how we wouldn't have any food at school, in order to save money. How we would probably be homeless within 3 months.
She told my younger brother, who's only 10, about everything, with the exaggerations. He has serious anxiety and ADHD, so he's not the best at school. She stood in front of him and told him: "I don't even care if you fail school anymore. Study or not, we have bigger problems now."
Anyone who's seen as "relaxed" gets yelled at. I didn't say anything. I simply got off the couch and did my chores. Then I did homework.
\~
Although there's a reason she's like this, literally anybody can see she's being a bit much. I feel like she's almost using this moment as a way to "build herself up" for her own benefits. You know what I mean? It almost feels like she likes the fact that her husband doesn't have a job.
I woke up this morning and heard her singing in the bathroom and rushed over to her and asked if Dad got his job back. She immediately shut me down and called me an idiot for even thinking about such a positive thing.
​
So I snapped at her. I degraded her and her part-time job. I let her know that in the past 24 hours the only issue I've been seeing is her attitude towards the whole thing. I told her that as an adult its her responsibility to do what's right. I let her know that her son peed his pants in the middle of the night out of fear. Fear that she created. I let her know a lot of things that I do not wish to say online.
Lastly, I told her that she's the worst mother on the planet and literally anybody else would know a better way to take action and pull the family together. I let her know that *she's* being useless right now, not me.
I stormed downstairs to the basement and haven't left since 9 AM. It's 12PM now. I've been making my dad a resume and looking up jobs in the area. I've been thinking about which of the things I have in my room that I could sell online. I'm still in high school, so trying to get a job to help in the middle of the school year will be bit tricky, so I've been trying to avoid that option.
\~
I feel guilty and I need someone who can think clearly to let me know if I'm in the wrong or right for yelling at her. Was yelling at my mother and "letting her know her place" a good idea at such an urgent time?
​
Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
SjImaEV202polTDeukQRb4ClFS7CdfJL
|
b5kv3i
|
{
"description": "profiling african Americans at the Store I work at",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For Profiling African Americans at the Store I Work At?
|
Hear Me Out…
First off, I would consider myself a tolerant person. I’m a college student going to a primarily liberal college and I’ve learned a lot about the many hardships that African Americans had to suffer through.
I work a part time job at a drug store (Don’t want to give too many details on where I work). My main duties are to stock shelves, keep an eye out for shoplifters, help customers and occasionally work the register. I’ve been working at this establishment for a little over a year and a half I’ve noticed a pattern… I’ve noticed that a STRONG 90% of the shoplifters that come to the store are African American. About twice a day a grown African American man or woman (mostly women) come to the store and shop lift. At first, I thought I just be a coincidence, but it keeps on happening! Our shoppers are roughly 30ish percent black 50ish percent white and 20ish percent other races if I made a guess. I am aware of selective attention bias and when I first started noticing a pattern I always tried my best to make sure that I’m paying equal attention to everyone, but it’s gotten to the point where the only people that I have noticed shoplifting are African Americans and Kids. I’m not one of those people who thinks they steal “BeCauSE iTs iN tHeRE dNa” I understand that the mostly likely explanation is the population density of low-income houses/apartments in the vicinity of the store. Because of this, whenever an African American comes into the store I take their race into account when considering if I need to keep an eye out on them. This isn’t the only basis I would use, for example, Shoplifters often LOOK/ACT suspicious, there always staring at me and my coworkers and pace back in forth in one spot. (The point I’m trying to make is that I don’t SOLEY base it one race.)
Side Note- I would NEVER accuse someone of shoplifting unless I was 1000% sure that they are. I am WAY to socially awkward to blindly accuse people. Its one of my nightmares to accuse someone who isn’t shoplifting of shoplifting, I would look like such a dumbass. Additionally, when I’m suspecting someone, I don’t make it obvious I’m observing them. I believe everyone should feel comfortable when shopping and not feel like they are being watched. I use the mirrors we have on the ceiling and try to only observe without their knowledge. (cuz they usually shoplift when they think they aren’t being watched, and if they don’t shoplift I don’t want them to feel targeted.) Also---- EVERY SINGLE TIME I confront someone who I am 100% CERTAIN is stealing (1. I saw them take something and store it in a suspicious place. 2. They try to leave without paying it.) The NUMBER ONE excuse that is given is “Ohhhhhhh, Because I’m Black?”-NO! ITS BECAUSE I SAW YOU PUT IT IN YOUR FUCKING PURSE CUNT!
Anyway, AITA and I should just defy all of my and my coworkers’ observations and act like the African Americans in my area don’t steal a disproportional amount compared to anyone else?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "telling my parents I can't stay with them until they clean the house",
"pronormative_score": 6,
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|
AITA for telling my parents I can't stay with them until they clean the house?
|
A bit of backstory: I love my parents but my mom is a hoarded. Not as extreme as what you see on TV, but a hoarder none the less. Every counter or tabletop in the house is cluttered, hallways have several stacks of clothing, family heirlooms, or containers piled up. There are two rooms of their house that are unused because they are filled to the ceiling with furniture and knick knacks. My mom's room has a path leading to the bathroom, her bed, and the laundry room.
Since 2012, this has been an apparent issue. I've tried multiple times to get her to sell or let go of some of these possessions. All the while, she continues to buy souvenirs and furniture while on vacation and inheriting pieces from dying relatives. I moved back in with them in 2016, and lived there for the past two years saving money to go back to school. Over that time I kept the house clean, but I wasn't able to get her to let go of anything. I've tried everything: getting her to donate things to charity, selling it, or taking pictures of it so she'll at least remember it.
I moved away for school and came back to help my mom decorate from Christmas. The house is worse than ever on top of just being dirty. It's completely overwhelming and I've shut down. It would take over a day just to get things clean enough to put the decorations up. I'm tired of this seemingly up-hill battle to get her to downsize. I'm concerned about their health: the fridge and pantry are full of moldy and expired food, there is black mold in the shower, and my dad already has mobility issues, he shouldn't have to navigate an obstacle course to get around the house. The house almost caught fire last winter when my mom stacked clothes on the heater. She won't accept professional help because she's concerned someone may steal or move something.
Would I be the asshole for telling them I can't visit the house until they clean it? I don't want to help decorate. I don't want to reorganize only to have her reintegrate everything into the house. I literally get stressed whenever I visit. I don't think I even want to visit for Christmas if I have to stay there. I know they gave me a free place to live the past few years, and they probably expect me to clean, but things are so out of control I'd have to get rid of things just to clean. I mean I've organized the house well over 20 times in hopes she would process through some things and downsize, and I'm tired of wasting my time.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not wanting to lend my friend money for the vet",
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AITA for not wanting to lend my friend money for the vet?
|
Okay so, a week or two ago, I accidentally told my friend I had received insurance money after my mom passed away a couple of months ago. How did I accidentally tell him? Basically we got to talking about driving and stuff and I blurted out that I'm going to start trying for my drivers license finally and said I got insurance money from mom. They're pretty expensive in my country.
My friend just messaged me asking me to lend him money so he can go to the vet with his dog, and he'll pay me back a little bit every month. I don't want to. I've set this money aside for a license and I'm trying to find a house.
He works, and he works night a lot, which means he gets paid double or close to. I'm currently unemployed and looking for work, which I have been since May, and I'm finally about to start job training.
Besides, 90% of the vet clinics let you pay off monthly, if not, he has his dog insured, insurance can pay for the visit if it's an emergency, and he can pay them off. Loaning my money won't make it any cheaper.
He's somehow always broke because he keeps taking loans from his friends and family, so after paying rent, bills and paying them back, he's left with scraps. Idk where all this money goes, that's his business.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "asking my wife to respect me",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 5
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|
AITA for asking my wife to respect me?
|
My wife and I are going through some shit, that's not the issue.
We have an agreement that when she went out with friends she'd be allowed to make out with guys/girls and have fun. There's only a few rules involved: 1) don't be stupid and put yourself in unsafe situations, 2) must be one and done, no repeats 3) don't forget you have a husband.
So she came home one night after going out with friends, and everything was fine, until she called me another guy's name mid sex.
Then I find out she's continued to Snapchat him.
I asked for one of two things to happen. 1) that she cut all ties with him, or 2) tell him she's married. Both of which she refused to do on the basis that "he's not from here and I'll never *see* him again" I lost my cool and the argument ensued where I was told I was overreacting.
AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "refusing to cater my sister's wedding because I didn't enjoy catering my other sister's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for refusing to cater my sister’s wedding because I didn’t enjoy catering my other sister’s wedding?
|
When sister 1 got married it was kind of a all hands on deck situation. She was pregnant and neither her or her boyfriend had very much money. My mom paid to rent out the fire hall and for the kegs of beer. I paid for and cooked all the food. My other two sisters set up the tables and chairs as well as the decorations.
The food was pretty expensive and both sister 1 and her boyfriend kept adding requests, literally up until a couple hours before the wedding itself. It was a lot of work and I really didn’t enjoy doing it.
What kind of sealed the deal as far as not ever wanting to do this again was during the toasts sister 1’s boyfriend thanked my mother and sisters for all that they did. I know it’s petty to be so miffed about not being thanked, but it did really rub me the wrong way to be the only one overlooked after I just dropped so much money and work for them.
Sister 2 is getting married now. It’s not really the same situation. Her fiancé has an ok job as far as I know they can afford to have it catered. While she was talking about it came out that she assumed that I would cater hers since I did sister 1’s. It’s not a ridiculous assumption or anything, but I corrected her that I really didn’t want to do that kind of thing ever again.
She didn’t say anything at the time, but I guess she’s angry at me about it. Both my other sister and mother have texted me about it now. I can see how it would look a little shitty to do it for sister 1 and refuse to do it for her, but I really don’t want to drudge up years long shit from the previous wedding to explain. Besides it was out of necessity for sister 1’s wedding. Sister 2’s situation is different.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "leaving my parents because I don't agree with their views",
"pronormative_score": 9,
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|
AITA for leaving my parents because I don't agree with their views?
|
Hey dear friends, especially those who upvote my posts even when you disagree.
I am a student of eighteen years old that still lives with his parents. They are loving people that still make my bread before I go to school and make sure that dinner is ready when I get home.
This love is not for everyone. They are very racist and especially pessimistic people. I do not share these views with them. When I tell them how I think about situations, they tell me that I am wrong because I am only eighteen, and that I will learn how the world works as I grow up.
Another thing that bothers me, is that they make a fight out of every detail. For example: last night, I went out for dinner with friends. I've never had friends before, so for me this was an important thing. They offered to pick me up when I would be done, which I very much appreciated, since it is more than an hour extra when I have to travel alone.
During dinner however, I discovered that we would be done way later than I expected. I expected us to finish around 20.30 (we started at 18.00), but we were only halfway through. I informed my parents that this would take longer than expected and that I wasn't willing to leave yet. Understandably, they could no longer pick me up, since it would become late for all of us and they had to go to work today. I understood, so I told them I'd travel back home on my own.
Now they are very angry at me. They've told me that I behave like the house is nothing more than a place to sleep to me and that I am never home (which is sort of true, I only eat at home twice a week or so, but that is because I have school in the evening) and that I do not respect their rhythm.
Now we are in a silent fight. I am being ignored and my attempts to talk about it result in nothing more than insults. Useless fights with exaggerated arguments happen all the time (approximately every two weeks).
Now, I am done with it. I'm ready to grow as an individual and I am done of dealing with this toxic environment. I have a place to sleep and I have no possessions besides my clothes since I live a minimalistic lifestyle. I could leave any minute.
Am I the asshole for wanting to leave my parents over this? They are loving towards me most of the time, but the tension is too much for me. Leaving them wouldn't be in cooperation, so I would just leave for school and don't return.
Sorry for the long read and the horrible English. As you might've guessed already, English is not my native language.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "being annoyed that my significant other cries a lot",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being annoyed that my significant other cries a lot?
|
As the title goes, I have been in a relationship with my significant other for about four years now, and we have lived together for the majority of the time. Being in college, my SO is often very stressed out with work, classes, and focusing on graduate school, which I completely understand, I am in the same exact position. However, about three or four days a week, my SO cries over different things, from ruining dinner, to not being able to see our cat as much, as we are very busy a lot of the time, to crying over dropping a pen or other little things like that. I try, especially in the beginning, to comfort my SO and be there with whatever they need, but it never seems to make any impact. After a while of this, I became calloused to it, for lack of better term, and while I do comfort my SO and try to make life as easy as I possibly can, I have noticed I have been getting more annoyed rather than empathetic recently, as whenever these happen, the following several hours are me stepping very carefully, as my SO tends to get easily irritated or annoying before and after these crying sessions, and I don't want to upset my SO any more than they already have been. So my question is, am I the asshole? Also any advice is welcome!
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HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "calling out my grandma for giving the family pets too much food",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I called out my grandma for giving the family pets too much food?
|
To start off, one of the cats in the house are fat. Really fat. Every time I walk into the kitchen, she runs over to her food dish and starts meowing like crazy, as if she hasn't been fed in a week, yet she gets fed breakfast and dinner. And the worst part about her is that her shit STINKS BAD. HORRIBLY BAD. I'm talking the FBI could synthesize the smell, and use it to clear rooms.
​
Yet, my grandma seems oblivious to how obese she is. When she feeds the fat cat in the morning, she'll give the cat a Mount Everest sized pile worth of food, so when she's not looking I have to split it up between the two food plates (we have two cats). Before we leave for school, she'll give the cats treats, and then the dogs treats. I asked why do they get treats so much, and she'll say "I'm feeding them??" First of all, treats are called "TREATS" for a reason. They are to REWARD your pets for good behavior, training them, etc. She just gives treats to our dogs just because, not for good behavior. She also likes to feed them air-popped popcorn a lot, I mean a lot. I'll be sitting watching TV with her while she's eating popcorn and toss a piece of popcorn to each dog at least every 5 to 15 seconds (I counted with my fingers, 1 1000, 2 1000, 3 1000, etc). Based on a search, air-popped popcorn isn't harmful, but she puts butter on her popcorn, which is fattening.
I'm starting to get afraid that before we know it our animals are going to have obesity problems. How should I handle this?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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{
"description": "remaining friends with SO's best mates recent ex",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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}
|
AITA for remaining friends with SO's best mates recent ex?
|
My partners (Dan) best friend (Keiran) has broke up with his girlfriend of 2 years (Clare). Apparently, certain unspoken social rules say that you must remain friends with your SO's best friend in this situation and stop talking to the other party. Well if these rules are applicable to adulthood even though I think they're childish as f*ck, I'm really not willing to follow them.
I met Keiran and Clare at exactly the same time, and I found Keiran loud and inconsiderate to people's feelings, I have autism and I felt he was always trying to fish for a reaction from me and winding me up. He would question my autistic quirks and tell me I'm daft for liking things done a certain way. I immediately wasn't a fan but I was civil for Dan's sake. I got on really well with Clare, however. There is a significant age gap between them, he is 29 and she is 21. I'm 30 and Dan is 28.
Long story short, Clare is in uni and last year went to do placement in another city (London) a good few hours away for 4 or 5 months. I don't know what happened over there and don't really care to ask but she ended up breaking up with Keiran and he started sleeping with another girl (Sarah) quite soon after. However, Clare came back up to get her belongings and they sorted things out and got back together and she returned to London to continue her placement. Keiran however continued sleeping with Sarah behind Clare's back.
A few months down the line, Clare has completed her placement and is back in our city for studying as normal. We're all out on a double date and decide to go clubbing. We go to our usual haunt and Sarah ends up being there. Keiran sees her and for some stupid reason says to Clare "I have no idea who that is," that's cool, Keiran but why say it about just her and not the numerous other girls in the club that you don't know? Clare finds this odd and they break up that night when it comes out that he had been cheating with this Sarah girl well into Clare's placement.
She messages me to tell me what has happened and says that she hopes we can remain friends and I tell her of course, not even thinking about any unspoken "rules". She has blocked him from everything
In the following weeks after the break up, Keiran hits rock bottom and apparently downs almost a full bottle of straight vodka in front of some paramedics, telling them he's going to kill himself. I don't know where he was or how he came to be in range of emergency services but they then call Clare saying that he wants to talk to her and that if she doesn't comply then he is going to put himself in danger. She ends up talking to him as she feels she has no choice to do so, and they arrange to meet up and start sleeping with one another again. She then realised it's a mistake and backs off again.
Keiran messages Dan asking him and I to remove Clare from Facebook and to stop speaking to her and if we don't, he'll stop speaking to us. I immediately get my back up about this and instead of removing Clare, I remove Keiran. It's no skin off my back. Keiran realises what I've done and proceeds to tell Dan a load of what may or may not be lies about Clare not liking me and saying shit about me when I'm not there. I don't get upset cos I only have issues with people if they piss me off directly.
Dan and I go on a date and end up at the same club as last time and bump into Clare. We don't spend too much time with her as she's with her own friends and Dan feels uncomfortable with being around her cos of where his loyalties are. A few hours into the night and Keiran messages Dan to say they can no longer be friends because of me remaining friends with Clare. Little does he know that Clare has told me that he has also been messaging and calling her off an unknown number asking to fuck her, then turning on her when she rejects him.
I feel as though I'm my own person and can be friends with who I want. There's no issues between Dan and I because he knows I'm capable of making my own decisions and that Keiran isn't the type of person I'd willingly be friends with. Am I the asshole? Should I have deleted Clare and remained civil with Keiran?
Tl;dr SO'S best friend breaks up with girlfriend, I remain friends with girlfriend even though SOs best friend tells me to stop talking to her. Drama ensues.
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "not wanting to have a tracker on my phone that my girlfriend can see",
"pronormative_score": 92,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to have a tracker on my phone that my girlfriend can see
|
I ride a motorcycle and my girlfriend has been very vocal in the past about how much she hates that I ride it, is always worried sick whenever I ride it. Even just for my daily commute of 38 miles.
I had to ride up to her parents house on Christmas eve to spend Christmas with her and her family. Then ride back Boxing Day to work. A much longer trip of about an hour and a half. When I arrived she said she was worried sick the entire time and hated every second that I was driving. I do have an Bluetooth attachment on my helmet so she could call me but refuses to on the grounds that this will distract me and be dangerous.
So for the ride home we both downloaded some app that showed my location, updated every couple of minutes, and showed my top speed of all my journeys. After the long ride, I mentioned getting rid of the app as the idea of being tracked made me uncomfortable. But was talked into keeping it.
So tonight she sends me a meme about someone's husband surprising them by leaving a note on their car while they're at work. I said I can't do that as you've got me electronically tagged, this was meant as a joke but I guess with serious undertones. That sparks an argument where I state again that I feel the tracker is disrespectful to me, and our relationship. And it makes me feel very uncomfortable. This apperantly means I must have something to hide and I'm ignoring her happiness for my own sake.
She's deleted the app in a rage. Am I the asshole for not being okay with being tracked 24/7?
TL;DR Girlfriend made me download a app that shows her where I am constantly. I said I'm not comfortable with it. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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aeg0zt
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{
"description": "wanting to stay home",
"pronormative_score": 7,
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}
|
AITA for wanting to stay home?
|
So in China in a few weeks it's Chinese New Year. My fiancé has been talking about us going to his hometown to spend the holiday with his family. I'm a bit nervous about this because my Chinese isn't great and actually his older family members only really speak a dialect instead of standard mandarin, so communication is gonna be difficult but it's fine, we'll manage.
My issue is this: there's no bed for us to sleep in. My fiancé (currently unemployed with no savings) said that I could share a bed with his mom (??) while we're there (for 3 weeks) or I could buy a bed, while he shares with his brother. I'm not into the idea of sharing a bed with an old lady I don't know and won't be able to communicate with, so I thought okay, I'll buy a cheap bed because we're only gonna be using it for 3 weeks so it doesn't matter if it's crappy, when we visit again we'll just buy a nicer bed. I find a cheap and okayish bed for about 1,000 RMB. He flat out refuses, telling me it's too cheap, and instead finds a couple of beds for around 3,000 RMB. I don't have savings because I moved here a few months ago and basically used up all my savings to get here. I'm the only one of us with a job but the fact that he knew this was going to be an issue and decided not to tell me until one month in advance (or save up a bit so that I wasn't the one paying for the entire bed) means I'll have to spend a quarter of my paycheck on a bed I'm barely going to use.
I want to just not go, honestly. CNY isn't a big thing where I'm from, and I can't imagine ever suggesting to him that if we went to my home country he either fork out money for a bed or share a bed with my dad for 3 weeks.
On the other hand I know that CNY is a big deal here and I think if I don't go at all I'm going to make him look bad. So I'm torn, really.
|
HISTORICAL
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ax3286
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{
"description": "wanting to cut ties with the ex who got me pregnant",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for wanting to cut ties with the ex who got me pregnant?
|
a few things first: he was *awful* to me. i was in a bad spot, and was binge-eating sugar due to stress at the time. he'd forcefully take any sugar i had while ridiculing and making fun of me for it, which would stress me out more. id basically inhale it when i got it back. he'd also take my phone whenever he wanted, threaten to lock me out unless i gave him the password, download incest porn on it, read ALL my (very personal) notes, then read them to me in a mocking voice while holding it away from me, *constantly* teased me..
​
i found out i was pregnant after he dumped me. i told him, saying i only wanted him to know, wanted nothing from him, and was only telling him in case she wanted to meet him, so i wouldnt show up at his door with a 5 year old. so far he's: talked about how hard it is on *him,* how *his* friends made fun of him when *he* told them (in response to me talking about how im doing all the work. carrying her, buying everything, going to end up being the main caretaker.. as if those were equal), asked me 30 times about *my* plan as if i was incompetent, without offering up *anything* ***he*** was going to do, threatened to sue me when i explained again i didnt want him around (making me sob and stressing me out in the first trimester, the most common time for miscarriages) only stopped after my parents called him and chewed him out, got arrested, told me he only wanted in her life because he was obligated, asked about details on me and my new (wonderful) partner, stressed me out more, etc..
​
he stopped for a bit, (bc prison) but now hes messaging me again. and, again, i explained why i dont want him around. she'll already *have* two wonderful parents, we're not friends/im not comfortable around you, its for *her* health and safety, everyone elses problems always have to be about *you,* the porn, the drinking/smoking/drugs (hes said he'd fix those three, but im not sure), you stress me out, strained relationships between parents can *really* mess with a kid, you threatened to sue me, you dont even *want* her and have done nothing but act like shes ruined your life, (to which he said he sees her as his "last chance for redemption" and "the thing thatll fix him" .. who puts *that* much pressure on an *unborn infant??* what happens when she DOESNT magically fix him? which, she *wont*) and theres not a *single* reason why you *should* be around. all he could come up with is "shes ***my*** daughter!" (which, i dont feel dragging a girl off into the woods to get off on her for 5 minutes entitles you to fatherhood.. dna isnt everything, doesnt make you the father of my child, and youve done *nothing* to be one) and "are you just being overprotective because its "close to your time"", ignoring what i said *completely!*
​
i think im in the right, but the way he acted is making me uneasy.. am i the asshole? *would* it be wrong to just cut him out?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
ZfvKXz7WeYgCrBgCq5M9pl3HTJ3ZO1RE
|
b1mnk6
|
{
"description": "refusing to pay for my friends to come to my graduation from boot camp",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to pay for my friends to come to my graduation from boot camp?
|
Hello reddit,
Want to say sorry in advance, as I am on mobile and I tend to word vomit a lot.
So I’m graduating boot camp in June (the dates haven’t been set but it’s definitely in June) and my friends are mad that I won’t pay for their plane tickets and hotels to come see me. I’ve never been close with my actual family and when told I could invite people I asked 2 of my closest friends if they would like to attend. I told them it’s in Chicago and that they would receive tickets to it when The dates set. A couple of hours ago one of them messaged me and told me I wouldn’t have to worry about paying for her hotel because she would be staying with this guy she has been talking to. I told her I wouldn’t be paying for her plane ticket or her hotel and now she is really upset and told me she doesn’t want to go if she has to pay to come see me. I’m really confused, am I supposed to pay for everyone to come to my graduation??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ctkMGqdbM45wcCnaBIbIHHo23I7cE4WC
|
aiq732
|
{
"description": "not paying my roommate back for a container of hers that I broke",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not paying my roommate back for a container of hers that I broke?
|
So my roommate likes to leave things on top of the shared fridge, like pasta, bread, and snacks. We have a fridge where the freezer is on top. She left for the weekend and was in a rush and apparently just shoved all her shit on top of the fridge/freezer. She must have left some stuff on the top of the closed door of the freezer. I woke up the morning after at like 5 am to get ready for school and opened the freezer, and her container of spaghetti came falling down along with her bread and bagels. Her container is [this one](https://www.amazon.com/OXO-Good-Grips-POP-Container/dp/B000UHT0MM/ref=sr_1_2?crid=1MBTC3M17YD25&keywords=tall%2Boxo%2Bcontainers&qid=1548183589&sprefix=tall%2Boxo%2B%2Caps%2C290&sr=8-2&th=1) . It broke on the bottom, just a small hole on the corner, still usable lid and stuff just a busted bottom portion.
I texted her after I did it letting her know that I broke it and she said it was fine. Today, about a week after it broke, she comes in my room and asks for money to replace the container. I was confused because she didn't seem too irritated by it before but she said the containers are expensive (they are, who the fuck pays $15 for a plastic bin and lid?) so I should pay her back.
I said I don't think I should have to pay for it because she left the container in a precarious location and I didn't do anything wrong to have caused it to be broken. She said I should have checked the top of the freezer before opening it, but that's kind of ridiculous to think to do at 5 am and also I'm 5'2" so I can't really see the top of the freezer anyway. I also said she could just tape the hole closed on the container and it would still be usable. So now she's off in a huff and called me a cheapskate. Honestly I'll give her the cash if I'm the asshole here but I legit think no one is really in the wrong here, so I shouldn't have to pay.
AITA?
Tl;Dr: Roommate left her $15 pasta container on top of the freezer and it fell when I opened it. I don't think I should have to pay because she is the one who left it in a dangerous spot and the container is still usable with mild repair. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
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NOBODY
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
moScd2IBhFe0WGpL9y3xIqkT3sC1URHO
|
a474jv
|
{
"description": "not wanting to spend Christmas Eve with my homophobic extended family",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to spend Christmas Eve with my homophobic extended family?
|
I am a woman, married to a woman. I’ve known about my attraction to women for basically my whole life, and because of this I have argued about gay rights with my conservative extended family on many occasions. One such instance had a great aunt (let’s call her Marge) pull out a petition at a family dinner to have recently legalized gay marriage in our state repealed. I was closeted at the time (and only 16), but I argued with probably 4 different fully grown adults over rights for a solid half hour before I had to just leave so I didn’t accidentally out myself in anger. When I announced my marriage, Marge sent me a letter telling me (amongst other things) that her religious beliefs kept her from attending my wedding (she was never going to be invited, but I just loved that she thought it necessary to shit on my wedding /s).
Yesterday, six months after my wedding, she sent me another letter asking me if I would be coming to Christmas Eve at her house with the entirety of my homophobic family. I know this could just her trying to be kind, perhaps bridge the gap of whatever knowledge she has of gay people and the person she has known me to be, but I just want to ignore the metaphorical olive branch. If I go, it’s going to be a bunch of old people asking me about my wedding, and then being awkward because my wife and I are the only gay people they know. And they haven’t even met my wife, yet, who already has anxiety in situations where she doesn't know anyone. So, reddit, am I the asshole for not wanting to spend Christmas Eve with my homophobic extended family?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 9,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
oC4pguOZ6hqrZClDHH8AAIm9MGMtfrey
|
amyxm8
|
{
"description": "refusing to be my ex's friend and not let him follow me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to be my ex's friend and not let him follow me
|
So as the title suggests, my ex wants to be friends and I don't. We broke up only two weeks ago and I realized that I would only be hanging on to someone who obviously didn't want me if I kept seeing him on my feed. So I unfollowed and unfriended him. But then he kept liking my pictures and it would make me sad so I stopped him from following me. He messaged me a couple hours later asking why I blocked him. I said that I didn't but needed time because I didn't want to see him. He said that he understood if I "didn't want him to see what I'm posting". This pissed me off, mostly because I'm not even thinking of moving on right now and am heart broken by this break up. I just told him to have a nice day, then he went on to tell me he was going to this event (which was part of the reason we broke up. He wanted to go to a smash tournament at the Playboy mansion and I just don't care about models, smash or drinking. I got really mad that he expected me to be excited about it when I'm not into any of that stuff), tonight and that he was excited. I stopped replying and want to block him because I think he is trying to manipulate me.
Am I the asshole for thinking my ex is trying to manipulate me into having him in my life even though he was the one who broke up with me? I've told him multiple times I need space but he has hit me up every couple days with some reason of why he needs to message me. Am I overreacting and being an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
x1lfzIgULME3YPLij18qLULu0dBpjxyA
|
ajk7iy
|
{
"description": "telling somebody there girlfriend is cheating on them",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling somebody there girlfriend is cheating on them?
|
This was awhile ago. I was a bit drunk and I told somebody that I wasn’t that close with that their girlfriend was cheating on them. This girl I was close with told me on multiple occasions how this girl cheated on her boyfriend. They were in a serious relationship for a couple years and would tell each other they loved each other. One could argue it wasn’t my place to tell him but I just felt like he really needed to know. She denied it but I I think he had his suspicions before I said anything. However they are still together. Am I the asshole? I feel like I am
Edit: as soon as I hit post I saw my grammar mistake.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
3OjYg8Q1RKgkfPxmnoivMNEEF7ZJpBoZ
|
ao0k86
|
{
"description": "laughing at a girl who talked about rape in english class",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for laughing at a girl who talked about rape in English class
|
So during my high school English clash we were discussing Frankenstein in a giant circle that she called a “debate” where ideas would go thrown around and people would respond with their thoughts. The rules of the discussion were that things discussed had to relate to the book and to stay on topic. About halfway through the question got popped that was, “If someone grows up in a negative environment are they going to be a negative or destructive person?” So the normal thing was happening with people going back on forth and then this girl, we will call her Alex speaks out and says, “ Well it’s like saying that a young girl grows up where her father gets killed in a car crash and then her mother remarried a man who was a pedophile who raped her even though she was around 6 and then the step son that came with her would emotionally abuse her and touch her sexually and the father would beat her if she tried to speak out.” Now she continued on about comparing it to Frankenstein but it was in that moment of her talking that I cracked a fairly loud chuckle and I put my head down to laugh and because I was getting awful looks from other students and the teacher looked upset with me. I as a person have a very dark sense of humor and just the sheer randomness of her bringing up that kind of event out of the blue when we were talking about Frankenstein caused me to lose it. I had a couple friends in the class who also share my sense of humor and they all were also trying to contain their laughter I just let mine come out because I was so shocked.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
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}
|
WRONG
|
IolH4575P7rhzYw0BbMhrYTuchS4a9h8
|
ass77z
|
{
"description": "not being a standby translator for my roommate",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not being a standby translator for my roommate?
|
Background about us: I’m a 2nd gen American and speak both English and my native language fluently. My roommate is a 1st gen that can understand basic English but can barely speak it.
Basically when we first met as coworkers, he would occasionally ask me to make a call pretending to be him for personal stuff like problems at his apartment, his business, etc. Now he relies on me to do all the speaking for him. I’ve already talked to him about taking classes and having the willingness to learn if he plans to continue living in the states. He says he’ll start taking classes soon but I dont see any initiative. He’ll barge in my room with phone in hand already making a call and shoving his phone in my face, while explaining his situation as the call goes through. Personally, I find this super annoying and confronted him about it. He would get mad and say something along the lines of “is it that difficult to make a simple phone call?”. While its true that its not a particularly difficult task, I dont want to be constantly bothered. I told him I plan to move out after the lease ends.
AITA for telling him not to bother me with his problems anymore?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 9,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
NKJYBx2TiEpt6wahNrq8fs3X1eTHD9DQ
|
aqqmzr
|
{
"description": "not staying with my father at the hospital",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not staying with my father at the hospital?
|
I understand that this might be a little but long so there is a tl:Dr below.
A month ago my dad was admitted into the hospital for a bad case of pancreatitis. The doctors told my family and me that he had a stone obstructing one of the main ducts that caused massive damage to his pancreas and his other organs. Fast forward to today, he is on recovery and slowly getting back up from the whole situation.
During this whole process, my father's condition into some low points and we almost lost him but luckily we didn't. At the time, I took a few days off work to go see him at the hospital and be with him.
After he started improving on his condition the days of my visits started to be less frequent due to some key factors.
First point is that unfortunately I had to return to work as me and my wife are currently on a rough patch regarding money and with this my visitation got less frequent.
The second point is that it takes two hours to reach the hospital from my workplace I am forced to visit on weekends.
Third point is that due to taking the days off to see my father a lot of my other responsibilities have been left behind and I am trying to pick up the pace with them.
This has started to cause issues with my mother who has asked me to stay with him during visitation hours. She tells me that she needs help with him so she can go out and clean the house or do some other thing like cook ( mind you, she never cooks no matter what). I told her that I would stay with him but I couldn't stay all day as I have other responsibilities to do as well. At the time she got angry and screamed at me and told me I was an ungrateful son. That time I caved and stayed with him all day along with my wife.
Today I received a call from my mother that went along like this:
Mother: hello, I need you to go and be with your father for the Saturday and Sunday.
Me: mom I can't be all weekend with him, I can visit but I can't stay that long.
Mother: I need help. I need to clean the house and do some groceries.
Me: You never clean the house, my brother cleans your house. What do you really need? ( My 30 year old brother lives with her)
Mother: (screams)Fine, don't go! You are an ungrateful son.( Hangs up).
So here is the kicker. I feel like I am between a rock and a hard place as I understand that my father is in the hospital. I really want to be with him but due to being so short on money and the trip is so long it makes it hard to be with him.
So, AITA here?
TLDR: Dad is in the hospital, can't visit as often or stay as much as my mother wants due to money issues, responsabilities and a long distance between my workplace and the hospital. Mom calls me ungrateful when i say I can't stay as much as she wants.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Vrf7CMcgk2hsBrch17Ji2LbG3hiIUPpc
|
ai8tdx
|
{
"description": "declining my friend's wedding invite",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA to decline my friend's wedding invite
|
One of my friend is getting married next month, I have declined to attend it by telling him I cannot be part of something destined to wreck someone's life (his to be wife), have possible burned bridges with him on this.
A little back story about him, he has been dating this girl for quite a long time, both seem to be quite content with getting married . Now my friend here has a dark side. He is a serial womaniser something which his to-be-wife is unaware of. Amongst his male friends he prides himself to have slept with 50+ woman and will not give up his ways because he believes his emotional needs and physical needs are 2 different things.
Its none of my business to tell it to his gf/to be wife but then I don't want to be part of this. I feel going to his wedding is an acknowledgement to his ways.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
3RaAX86sa9ThQhJ7WJ9wpYLRd2UnEHPk
|
azjp00
|
{
"description": "not paying the tree service I hired",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not paying the tree service I hired?
|
I have a really big cottonwood tree in my yard that is right over my neighbor's garage and recently had a branch fall through my fence. This thing is dangerous and needs to go.
I had several estimates and they ranged from $4500 to $6000 for the one tree. I also have some other smaller trees that were dead and I wanted removed but planned to do it myself.
I thought I lucked out and found a company that would cut down the big cottonwood and my 'non priority trees' for $3600. I was pumped and immediately told them I was interested. In the conversation I had mentioned that the job would need a crane.
They arrive a few days later with a lift truck and a crew of guys. This is the first time the owner had seen the tree and informs me he'll need another $500. Bringing the total to $4100. I was annoyed, but still $400 cheaper than the next offer and I wasn't going to have to cut the other trees down myself.
They started by cutting down the smaller trees. Then I got a text message from the owner asking me to come outside.
He Informed me that the big tree has a split in it that he hadn't seen and it would be dangerous to cut and that it would be a gamble trying to not destroy my neighbor's garage in the process. He explained that if he touches that tree and it goes through the garage his insurance would cover it but he'd lose his business. He tells me he can't cut the tree and it would require someone with a crane.
I told him that I had told his estimator that it would need a crane and he tells me that his company never uses them.
"Why did you take the job then?" I say.
He says that it was his mistake and he's sorry but he can't do it. At this point my yard is a total mess of tree debris and they've been working for a couple hours cutting trees I could have done myself.
I realized that I'd now have to pay $4500 to someone else to get this dangerous tree gone and told the owner that if they couldn't remove it that I wouldn't be paying them anything. He's the expert and it's not my fault he botched his bid. They had already upped me $500 and now I was going to have to go up another $400 with someone else.
He was upset but we both calmly discussed it and he agreed it was his fault and he knew the other trees weren't a priority. I wouldn't have called them if it weren't for the big one they were walking away from.
He understood but also told me he rented the lift for 3 days for this job specifically for $1100 and would also still need to pay his guys.
He explained that they had 100% 5 star reviews on Google and he said he'd rather take non payment than have me trash them online. They stayed another 5 hours cleaning everything up meticulously and when they were done came to the door to apologize a second time.
I felt terrible because they busted their ass in cold weather doing dangerous work. I told him the least I could do was give him 5 stars which my wife and I both did.
It's been a few days and I still feel bad about it. AITA.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 15,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
gnZwj1Xd4uLkrBINx3b6LN4dKA2KxfIT
|
awuhw0
|
{
"description": "ending a friendship because I was being ignored",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For ending a friendship because I was being ignored?
|
So I made friends with this girl and we talked for months everyday, we went on one date and it went wonderful, I told her I was searching for a serious relationship, she told me that she had feelings for me but didn't want a relationship anytime soon, I told her that it was fine but I wouldn't go on more dates with her because I didn't want to get attached to her, so we settled on that we would still be friends, thing is, she started ignoring me, I told her that even though we weren't going to date anymore she didn't have to push me away from her, and she told me that she was pushing me away because she didn't want to give me false hope? (I told her I thought we had settled that we're going to be friends), she and I talked everyday for hours, so I certainly didn't want to just stop talking out of nowhere, she told me I was pushing her, I felt bad with the whole situation a decided that it was best to end the friendship, because I don't see the point on being friends with someone who doesn't want to talk to you, then she said she wanted my friendship???? which made me confused, anyhow I ended the friendship and she's out of all my social media, she sent me a message yesterday saying Hi but I didn't respond and don't plan to.
TL;DR: Ended a friendship with a girl I was dating because she started ignoring me after deciding me would be friends.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
hOWawpf584Ny2yLQWgHZ47ZCZp0yrOcN
|
apn1ec
|
{
"description": "hoping to work it out",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for hoping to work it out?
|
I'm 18F and my best friend "O" is 18M. We live together in an apartment now and have been friends for 4 years. Upon his request, I promised not to bring "E" over to the apartment because O hates E over old high school drama.
E has been a close friend of mine for 2.5 years. To cut a rant short, I believe he's a good person and I choose to keep him in my life. O has never tried to stop me from having this private friendship.
E lives with an insufferable, abusive father. I hate visiting over there, 2 hours away. I wanted to have E over at my home instead.
On a weekend when O was out of town, I had E over to the apartment. At the time, I was looking more at the logistics of the situation. E was nowhere near any of O's belongings and stayed primarily in my room, which is not shared space. They didn't see each other and didn't exchange a single word. E ate only my food, and O wasn't home.
But O only cares that I broke the promise. Once I came to that realization, I drafted and sent a lengthy apology to O that included my thinking and the realization that this was about trust and not logistics.
A few small in-person confrontations and a talk with O haven't improved things. He told me we're friends, but he's unfriended me on social media and hasn't talked to me in weeks. We adopted two cats together and now I'm the only parent they have, taking care of them alone. Our kitten misses him and cries outside his closed door every time O ignores him.
I was the asshole, but this is my first offense in our 4 year friendship. Is it reasonable to expect he work with me through a problem instead of throwing 'us' away? Who is the asshole after the fact?
Tl;dr: I screwed up a month ago and now my 4yr best friend seems ready to end it all over the first offense. I was the asshole first, but am I the asshole this month?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
SQYWPTlWHArHLMbAnFeZn0Vf1kJELrWt
|
ae24ji
|
{
"description": "not bringing a friendly potentially stray or neglected cat home",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not bringing a friendly potentially stray or neglected cat home?
|
Last night around 9-10pm I went for a walk and came across an incredibly friendly, but possibly stray, cat. The cat was young, very affectionate and pretty fat, with no collar. But despite being short haired, it had a big patch (the size of a couple of fingers) of matted fur (solid like a dreadlock) on its back near the base of its tail. Possibly worth mentioning is that I was able to touch the matted fur and move it about, so I know that it was definitely matted fur and I doubt I would have had difficulty removing the matted patch if i had scissors etc with me.
I petted it as I left for my walk and then came across it again on my way back around 10pm. It wa as few houses down from where I was initially, so I stopped, petted it and had another look at it to see if it was ok. It then followed me as I walked past another few houses and then I lost sight of it.
The cat seemed to belong to someone because of how fat it was and how friendly it was, but my feeling is that if the cat was outside that late at night, without a collar and it’s hair was clearly matted, then maybe I should have brought it home and taken it to a vet to look for a microchip and have the matted hair clipped?
I’M really not sure what was the right call in that situation, but I’m feeling kind of guilty that I didn’t get the kitty some help, so AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
xC2aWUCV4fLyptKEY7W30buA6HCUABST
|
alt1wy
|
{
"description": "calling my friend out on taking advantage of me",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for calling my friend out on taking advantage of me?
|
This situation is still happening, and I don't really know what to feel at this point. Bear with me, there are a lot of details. Good god this is way longer than anticipated, whoops:
I've been good friends with this person for a little over a year now. We met at new employee orientation. Soon after, we decided to start carpooling to work, as we both live in the same city that's about 50 min from work. We decided that I would do all of the driving, and she would pay for my gas. The idea was that she'd pay for \*all\* of the gas I used for our commute, rather than us splitting it, because I was the one going out of my way to pick her up and drop her off every day, putting miles on my car, etc. This was not ideal, because her job often prevents her from being able to leave work on time. I work in an office setting, and can leave as soon as my eight hours are up, but she has to stay at least 8.5 hours a day, and is often here for upwards of 9 or 9.5.
I should mention that I've really never felt that we were super compatible as friends. She is very direct and expects open communication about everything, while I'm much more reserved and find it difficult to convey what I'm feeling in certain situations. She has no problem asking for what she wants, while I'm a huge pushover and find it hard to assert my own feelings. This has led to several huge fights during which we basically just screamed at each other the whole time about how the other person didn't understand where we were coming from. It's been very frustrating for both of us.
This was obviously amplified by the fact that we were spending 2 hours together in a car every day. After about a year of doing this, I was feeling a little taken advantage of since I was the one going out of my way/spending unnecessary time at work to carpool, but I also recognize that this is my fault for agreeing to it in the first place. Anyways, in October, I texted her basically saying that I didn't feel like carpooling made sense for me anymore and that I no longer wanted to do it. She was pretty annoyed by this, but it wasn't a \*huge\* deal, and she hasn't really brought it up since we stopped.
Another thing that I have often done for her in the past is watch her dog while she's away. I dog sit as a side job, but have always watched her dog for free. [I actually posted about it here recently.](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/aayaac/aita_for_being_annoyed_that_my_friend_always/) As I said in that post, this has been nagging at me for a while, but I felt bad bringing it up because it feels shitty to ask friends for money. In addition to the dog sitting, she also used my apartment as a delivery address for her packages for a long time, because she didn't want them getting stolen from her doorstep. I agreed to this when we carpooled since I saw her daily and could easily get them from her, but once we stopped carpooling, she always asked me to go out of my way to meet up with her and hand off the packages. Finally, a small cherry on top, she uses my Spotify and Netflix.
Fast forward to now. Whether or not I'm justified in feeling taken advantage of for all of those reasons (still not sure if it's totally justified or if I'm just being selfish honestly) the fact is, I do feel taken advantage of. I've been watching her dog this week, and this feeling has REALLY been weighing on me. I'm just so annoyed by the fact that I've been pushed around for so long, and it's only compounded by the fact that I have to watch her dog for a week (which sucks because he has multiple accidents in my apartment every day, requires a lot of walks and it's cold as fuck right now, is very needy in general, and has to be given Prozac every night, which is not easy to get him to swallow) for free.
So today, I decided to finally talk her about it. In retrospect, yes, I probably should've waited until she got back in town, because I feel like I've kind of ruined her trip now. But I felt like I couldn't take it anymore. So I explained to her that in the future, I'd like to be paid for watching the dog. I thought it was a pretty benign text, I didn't accuse her of anything or say "wow your dog sucks pay me next time thanks". Enter her bitching me the fuck out. In summary, her text said something like "I mean I always get you snacks or take you out to breakfast afterwards (note: she has never taken me out to breakfast). Does that not feel sufficient? We are friends, so I figured it didn't need a formal arrangement in the way a stranger pays you to watch a dog." And then she went on to accuse my boyfriend of being the one who was convincing me to say all of these things to her, because it "doesn't sound like the way \[I\] would approach this".
We're still going back and forth with long texts, but the main takeaways are that...
a) she's offended that I said I feel taken advantage of,
b) is super pissed at me for bringing this up while she was on her trip rather than saying something earlier or waiting until she got back,
c) thinks that the way I went about this (and the carpool situation) was abrasive and mean,
d) feels that I've made no effort to initiate plans with her since I started dating my boyfriend (which is true, because I've been feeling this disconnect for a long time),
e) claims that my boyfriend isn't just encouraging me to speak up for myself, but encouraging me to "go over the top" with my opinions (what?), and
f) now she knows that watching her dog, who she "considered to be family to me", is "all about money and a job".
So I basically apologized to her and said that I don't know that we're compatible as friends. I'm feeling very ambiguous about how this whole thing went down, which is why I'm asking for your help. I know that I should've made my feelings clear to her long ago, and I feel bad for that, but I can't change what didn't happen, and I'm trying to be better about asserting myself now. I'm still not sure if I'm being selfish, or if she's just talking me into feeling like I'm in the wrong, which she always does. I guess it's just hard for me to identify the difference between someone rightfully being upset because I did something wrong, and someone trying to make me feel bad simply because they're angry.
What do you guys think? Should I feel bad for what I did? Am I doing the right thing by ending this friendship? Other thoughts? I really appreciate your feedback, I'm sorry this is soooo incredibly long.
TL;DR: I asked my friend to pay me for dog sitting in the future, and she's now calling me greedy and trying to tell me that my boyfriend is encouraging me to be "over the top" about expressing my opinions.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
IIYevLx13VLNFpClYsAZXT5e3BT7jK3e
|
ajwy26
|
{
"description": "throwing a year of friendship down the drain",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA : Am I the Asshole, For Throwing a year of friendship down the drain
|
My friend let’s call them B, we live in different cities so it an IBF sort of thing,and I thought we were getting kind of close but I noticed she would one up me sort of when I complained about work she would lists off how much more work than me she had, I kind of shrugged that off the thing about B is that she likes to FaceTime a lot and I don’t awalys want to FT on my data or just do it all the time, recently though we had a fight because I wanted to end our FaceTime at 9 cause I had early morning class, she told me to stay up till 10 and kept on redialing me every minute and kept on telling me to pick up FT, I told her I didn’t want to and it a whole argument about how I don’t want to ever FT, so I texted that if she didn’t stop being annoying then I will block her, she blocked me but I was honestly so tired and pissed, I just wanted to sleep and she had to make it difficult
Am I the asshole ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
inZ7ML8cztdlg4w0DSm6qgKPL0ztjfPr
|
a08e0i
|
{
"description": "reporting my Uber driver because he slowed to look at an accident",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for reporting my Uber driver because he slowed to look at an accident
|
On mobile etc
Earlier in the week I took an Uber down the busiest road in my city. There are always accidents and people crashing, so it’s not something new. When we were passing the incident my driver slowed completely and put his window down, turning his entire torso to stare and comment on the stupidity of the drivers. It wasn’t a quick turn of the head and in the time he was looking all traffic in front of us had moved on a significant distance.
I don’t want to damage this mans livelihood but by turning his attention away he could have easily caused another accident. This road is notorious for idiots running across without looking (I’m in the UK so that’s pretty common)
My chances of pairing with him have been reduced and they are investigating. I just don’t know if I did the right thing. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Ulw418Tkd7m6x5s42AfUuzaPk3Olv7Fn
|
adooie
|
{
"description": "applying for a second job or volunteer job without my mom's knowledge",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for applying for a second job or volunteer job without my mom’s knowledge?
|
I’m 18 years old and a senior in high school. My last semester of high school starts tomorrow and it’s going to be a boring one. I already have one job, but it doesn’t give me all that many hours. I want to keep myself busy, so I want to get a second job or some consistent volunteer work to keep myself busy. But my mom is strict and she doesn’t want me to get another job. Why, I’m not entirely sure. She and I have a good relationship, but for some reason anything that involves me becoming more independent or taking on more responsibility is a sore subject.
Ideally I would like to work for a local retailer or volunteer for a charity I like. The charity is a 45 minute drive away, but I pay all expenses related to my car, so it really doesn’t concern her.
I know it’s her house, her rules, but I am an adult and I think I should be allowed to make my own decisions regarding my employment.
I’m usually the type of person who asks permission before taking action, but I think if I’m going to get what I want here, I’m gonna have to adopt a mentality of “it’s better to ask forgiveness than to ask permission”.
I think I’m going to apply at a few places, and then if I get a job, I’ll just tell my mom, “hey, I’m working at _____ on (insert days of the week) now.”
Would I be the asshole?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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7x1CjJYeTpqj4EDYExC01XZeQfvnNkvy
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agckb4
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{
"description": "encouraging my fiancé to begin introducing food to his children that their mother believes they are sensitive to and not tell her",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for encouraging my fiancé to begin introducing food to his children that their mother believes they are sensitive to and not tell her? (Long, involved, and filled with medical stuff)
|
*This part is kind of a tirade, but I think it's important to give context. Skip if you like*
To begin this, I am a big proponent in the scientific method and a believer in the findings of the scientific community. My father is a surgeon and my mother is a nurse, so I was ingrained to believe in medical science and have developed a lack of respect for people that don't. The mother is an antivaxxer and takes her children to chiropractors and naturopaths in lieu of licensed medical doctors. She also refers to people with doctorate degrees in homeopathic and naturopathic medicines from unaccredited, often online, institutions as doctors, which I know is to attempt to give their opinions more authority and find absolutely insulting to people that have undergone doctoral programs that are recognized and scrutinized by the educational community. She also believes that any questions brought up about these findings and opinions are an aggressive attack on her as a mother and a person and uses it as an excuse to be an aggressive and noncommunicative co-parent.
This is all to say that I highly question any medical decisions and opinions that she has to bring to the table when discussing the health and wellbeing of the children. This is also to admit that I have very strong feelings of distrust and disrespect for her as a person and this could easily lead me to justify my own immoral actions.
Another side note: the fiancé has a tendency to agree with me. He says it's because I put a lot of thought and research into my opinions and ideas, but I know for a fact that he was like this with his ex, which is why the kids are in the dietary fiasco that they are in now in the first place. So his opinion on the matter is also...questionable...I consider him to be easily influencable in general.
So there is an 8 year old and a 4 year old. When the younger one was an infant, she had trouble keeping food down. They tried a lot of things and eventually the mom, on advice from her chiropractor, took her children to an unlicensed person who drew their blood and determined they had a litany of food sensitivities. This includes, but is not limited to: dairy, eggs, gluten, soy, various nuts, etc. They were also told that they should both be staying under 10 grams of sugar a day. According to the father, they stopped giving them all of these foods for an extended period of time and the problems got better but didn't go away. They then reintroduced all of these foods at the same time for a couple of days and the problems got worse again, somehow proving that they were sensitive to all of these foods even though that, from my research, is not how proper food elimination testing is done. None of this was done with any research or supervision from anyone except the...unlicensed random person at the chiropractors office. For some reason, I'm skeptical.
The little one always complains about pain in her stomach and has trouble passing food. The mom consulted a naturopath (you can read about that in a previous post) that prescribed excessive amounts of vitamins. I was weary of the safety and efficacy of this treatment, so I encouraged my fiancé to take her to her pediatrician. Pediatrician said the vitamin supplements were safe for a short period of time but wouldn't actually likely help with digestive issues.
She then did a physical test on the daughter and found that she had significant fecal impaction. She gave us a list of foods to avoid, which were mostly the gluten alternatives that she had been eating to excess her whole life, and bananas and apple sauce. I believe the irony of this was lost on the mother. We were also told to give her more fiber and introduce her to flax oil and pure aloe vera juice. We were told that if she still has symptoms after a week, we would be referred to a gastrointerologist. We were given good advice on how to continue addressing her dietary problems and have been doing so ever since. She hasn't had problems since.
The mother reverted back to the original diet almost immediately, never talked to us about the diet changes or gave us health updates, never contacted the pediatrician about it, and tells the children more or less to ignore the youngest's dietary change suggestions. We know this because anytime we explain that the youngest should try her hardest to drink her special smoothie because the doctor says will help her tummy, or that she's had enough gluten free bread or rice today, they both tell us mommy says we're wrong.
This experience has given us as a couple the incentive to go ahead and do true elimination and reintroduction testing with the girls to figure out what and how much they can eat without it negatively effecting their health.
*context/tirade over*
The girls have been 'diagnosed' with food sensitivities from questionable sources and with questionable methods. I believe that, with the help of a licensed dietician, we can come up with a strategy for food elimination/reintroduction that can determine if and what they are actually sensitive to.
The problem is that the mother is very certain that all of these sensitivities are valid and holds us to them militantly (not herself however. For some reason she doesn't seem upset with herself when she gives them 'allergens') Their diet is 'very important' to her and she talks about it all the time.
Their sensitivities are often times unreasonably difficult to stay away from (particularly with celebratory events that's have sugary cakes filled with gluten, dairy and eggs) and anytime they are aware of breaking their diet, we hear about their terrible digestive and emotional distress and how we're not being good enough at supervising their diet. But when they are unaware of breaking their diet, it's radiosilence from them and their mom. This leads us to believe that the best way to actually test their sensitivities is by not telling them or their mom when we give them something they've 'tested positive' for.
I am concerned about the limitations of their diet on their physical and mental health, social habits, and overall life experiences. I'm also very concerned about their constant state of 'stomach disturbance' which seems to hit them fiercely when they're supposed to be doing things like cleaning their room, homework, or acknowledging their responsibility in a negative action. At best, I think they have been reinforced too heavily that their digestive health is constantly a problem and excuse for them. At worst, I fear they have misplaced blame for stomach disturbances from severe anxiety to dietary issues. For these reasons, I believe it's important to address this quickly and effectively before they are given more misplaced food issues.
I can't shake the feeling that this could be viewed as using the kids like lab mice and deceiving their mom on something she clearly cares a lot about, even if that caring is objectively misplaced. I'm not even their stepmom yet and I already have so much influence over their life, which the mom absolutely hates. When she finds out that we did this, will her rage be justified? When she sees me as the bad guy, will she be right?
Reddit, does this make me an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
SssolnuUAImrcM3EjcsZ4cUuc4Cga7AJ
|
axvyf2
|
{
"description": "not severing contact with my entire family after abuse accusation",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not severing contact with my entire family after abuse accusation
|
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
​
Some years ago my then 3 year old step-daughter accused my dad of touching her inappropriately.
This came completely out of nowhere as my dad has never acted suspiciously around kids.
​
My wife believed our daughter. My mum could not believe my dad would ever do this.
​
I had some doubts of my own given my dad had only ever been a good kind honest father to me - but I buried them and decided it was better safe than sorry and stood by my wife. I agreed with her that my mum and dad would be cut out of both our kids lives - I had an infant biological son with her then (he's bigger now).
​
My extended family did not want to get direcltly involved and my wife took this as tacit support of my dad and while I forgave them for their path of least resistance, my wife did not. Again I agreed that my extended family (brothers, sister, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents) would also be cut off from the kids.
​
My wife insisted I cut them all off completely too, demanding I sever all contact with them myself. This caused several huge fights. We somehow held it together, however at this point I had not agreed to cut contact myself. Later that year my sister celebrated her birthday. My dad was away on work and I decided to attend. My wife kicked me out for a week because of this and I was only allowed back after agreeing never to see or speak to my family again.
​
I will be honest and say I had no intention of permanently honoring this promise and communicated with my mum and other family members occasionally and made plans to see them even more occasionally whenever I felt I needed to.
I have always been very close to my mum and have strong bonds with my sister cousins and grandparents as well.
I was close to my dad too, altho now we are... estranged
​
My wife feels that even though I have agreed to keep my family away from our kids, the fact that I had contact with them is a betrayal of our daughter. I can understand this but from my point of view I am protecting both my children by keeping somebody who may have abused my daughter away from her forever.
​
For info, we contacted the police as soon as my daughter made the accusation and they did a thourough investigation which went nowhere and the case has gone cold (they never close these cases)
​
My entire family cannot all be blind or enablers and all of them (dads and mums side) still love my dad and unanimously believe is innocent. My daughter had not ever made an accusation like that before and has not made one since and I do not believe the accusation was malicious.
​
**I know I am the asshole for lying to my wife.**
But am I the asshole for not wanting to personally sever ties with my entire extended family forever over this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
LBfoC9Hfdmu0h49yDEA9nI4S3L6OEW07
|
9udcrd
|
{
"description": "calling my mum and sister out for being annoying",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For calling my mum and sister out for being annoying?
|
AITA My mum always knocks on my door before she enters my room out of respect, which is completely fine with me. Today she knocked on my door and I responded as I usually do with "Yes, come in". She continued to knock my door and was getting louder and louder every time. I kept responding with the same message "Yes, come in" and every time I was raising my voice, i eventually raised my voice pretty loud and my mum and my sister opened the door and called me out about how aggressive and rude I was being, I tried to explain to them that It was annoying me and she knew it was. Am I the Ass hole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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SN2jHBmrL48rX9kjxZGwFRiXrztw4CI5
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aae21p
|
{
"description": "asking my brother to help out a bit when I am taking care of our mother",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my brother to help out a bit when I am taking care of our mother?
|
Before I act I want to get a feel if this is an asshole move or not.
​
My brother and mother had an extremely strained relationship. At 19 my brother went with his girlfriend and moved out where he joined the military, went to college, and eventually got a nice job far away as a software developer. I have stuck around with my mother. I went to college and got a software development job. Hard times happening. My mother lost her job. She slipped and fell at home and is now living with chronic back pain that essentially left her bed ridden. Disability doesn't pay nearly as much. So taking care of bills, medications, groceries, rent an extra room, and shit put into quite bit of debt even after cutting my expenses extremely thin and getting a better job. I gave up my social life and good bit of my hobbies and free time. I want to pay down my debts and save up for retirement (28 and I got $0 ).
I talk to him once every other month to see how things are doing. Things are doing extremely well for him and his wife. I go to his facebook and he shows off his expensive purchases (I know it's probably wrong for me to assume it's from his own money etc etc). He was showing off his 4K TV, new PC, pricey kitchen appliances, and Oculus Rift. It got me thinking. I am here struggling to take care of our mother. I wonder if it would be right to ask him fork over some money every month to cover expenses. I am talking about $200 a month which is realistically like 35% of expenses dedicated to my mother minus what is covered under disability.
​
* One side of me says: He obviously wants nothing to do with my mother. And if I really wanted to be out of the situation I should have left long ago when I had the chance. I would be an asshole to pop up out of the blue and start asking for money. It would ruin the positive relationship I have with him.
* The other side of me says: Whether he likes it or not, she is his mother and he should chip in paying the expenses. A mere $200 a month isn't much and will go a decent way to cover expenses. If he doesn't want to help out even a little bit, he is the asshole for leaving me alone in this predicament.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
52qRWmfsHu1oOTRyu2TJsaor9RsKJ9GA
|
aemr7z
|
{
"description": "not agreeing to a dog with my roommate",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I don’t agree to a dog with my roommate?
|
I am planning to move in with a friend in a few months and she has been talking about us getting a puppy. While I am perfectly okay with her getting a puppy, I don’t want to be legally or financially liable for the dog.
I just finished college and am not planning to stay in our current city for more than a few years. I think it’s irresponsible of me to agree to a dog when I don’t know where I’m going to be in a few years and don’t want to hinder my future because of a dog. I also know she has no idea how to train a dog and she has mentioned that I would be the main one taking the time to train the puppy. That’s 6-12 months of my life cleaning up pee and poop inside my apartment.
Obviously, I will help with the dog, as in feeding them and taking them out when I’m home. But I don’t want to commit to something and then when I move out, we would have to decide who gets the dog. I haven’t told her how I feel other than let’s wait and see how everything is before we get a puppy.
WIBTA for telling her I don’t want to be responsible for the dog?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
nMrSoqj9jr95l68PIJIAJENuP2KYThZb
|
avnprn
|
{
"description": "not considering my coworker's feelings",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not considering my coworker’s feelings?
|
This is a super long story and my first post was removed for length. I’m condensing it so let me know if you need more info.
I work for a chain company. There are two of us that, up until a month ago, were supervisors trying to get promoted to manager. I worked for one store and have been with the company less than 3 years. The other, Maria, worked at a near by store and has been with the company for almost 6.
We interviewed for our promotions on the same day, were given offer letters at the same event, started training on the same day, and today we got certified at the same time. We are also working under the same district manager. The only difference is that Maria is going into the normal “probationary period” all new managers go through. She will become the assistant manager to someone in our district. However, my old store needs a general manager. So I am skipping the probation and being given a store of my own. Knowing company history, Maria will most likely be benched for years before she gets a store. She is not happy about it and has expressed such to our boss.
We had a district meeting scheduled for after the certification today. I got there first. I want to make it clear to you that Maria was NOT THERE during the next part.
Maria’s new manager brought her a congratulations gift. The manager tasked with helping me get settled in my store jokingly said “I didn’t care enough to get you something.” I laughed and said, “it’s fine. Im getting a store anyways. I don’t need flowers.” Apparently that was a huge mistake. Some of the other managers told me it was an extremely bitchy thing to say.
Here’s my thing though: A) Maria was not there and I didn’t say it to her. I wasn’t even thinking about the fact that she won’t be getting a store. B) I’ve already been running my store since the vacancy opened. For 5 months they had me do everything without offering me a pay raise, training, or title change. Yes, Maria has seniority, but I fought tooth and nail for this and I’m just glad it’s finally over. Besides, frankly, I’m damn proud of myself and the work I’ve done to get here.
So am I the asshole? Should I have just kept my mouth shut? Or are the other managers exaggeration how bitchy I was?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
l7pyejQkRpaDoUAw1U4oXuzjQ4WQ5o9g
|
apsf97
|
{
"description": "trying to close my bedroom door and not giving up my phone",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to close my bedroom door and not giving up my phone?
|
Hey there, Reddit. I have a quick story that just happened to me, please be aware that I am mobile so formatting might be sketchy.
Some background- My family, (mother specifically) is a religious family. While, I myself am more of a less religious person (I still believe in God), she believes herself to be a prophphone? d speaker for God. Every night my mother would come into my room to pray and lets pick off from there.
So, normally I would just let her as she usually isn't there for long and doesn't touch any of my things however, this night I was extremely tired and just wanted to sleep. She comes in, as usually and prays but, when she leaves she left my bedroom door wide open letting light and her while she walks arouns praying in. I get up to shut the door and she stops me from doing so. She demands to have the door open and I try to explain I just want to sleep but, she'll have none of that. She then, demands for ny phone if, I am going to close the door. I understandably say no, and she trys to wrestle my phone from my hands.
Me, being stronger than, her easily pry it from her hands and she reacts by sitting in the hallway floor and calling a "badperson". My sister, who had been sleeping just seconds her opinion without asking what happened.
So, reddit AITA for trying to close my door and keep my phone
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AITA for not wanting to lend my parents money?
|
I’m a 19 year old girl. I live with my parents but I pay them rent, pay for my car, buy my own groceries, etc. I’ve been paying for all of my stuff for a while now too. My 25 year old brother lives here too and yet my parents treat him like a baby (buy his groceries, pay for his car repairs, etc).
My mom nickel and dimes me a lot. I work for her business and she’s very greedy with giving me work and paying me, and she’s very quick to take my money for rent and for my phone. Sometimes I’ll have a really light work week and I’ll ask if she can take my money next week, and she always refuses. Sometimes I won’t be able to buy groceries because she’ll take the money I owe her monthly before the month is even up. She’ll scream at me when I ask her to wait until the week later (which is usually when the money should ACTUALLY be due).
Anyways, my parents really needed to pay their mortgage. They’re pretty broke but live a very luxury lifestyle. I don’t feel bad for them because they’re awful with finances and don’t prioritize. I work 2 jobs and am saving, but I decided to offer to lend them the $2000 because I felt bad. My mom was overjoyed and I felt good about it.
Yeah well, now this has become a common occurrence. They ask me to lend them money all the time. I’ve said no before and they’ll ask again another time. I did it the first time because they hadn’t even asked, now they just demand it from me and are rude as fuck when I say no. I try to explain that they need to prioritize better and am told it’s “none of my business”, but it becomes my business when they ask for a handout every month. Not to mention, she’s very quick to take my money and has never helped me out when I need an extra week before paying. She’s very money hungry and curses me out whenever I don’t want to help out, or whenever I need more time for a bill. I’ve worked my ass off to have my savings and she uses it against me, saying I “have all this money sitting around”. I work 7 days a week, with 2 jobs, while also going to school full time.
Also my dad literally just doesn’t work. He sits on his ass all day but tells me my life is easy.
AITA for not wanting to give them money anymore??
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AITA For trying to be more adult?
|
Obviously the title sounds biased but hear me out here.
Obligatory I'm on mobile sorry for formatting/typos
My mother and I recently have been a bit more argumentative since I turned 18.
I got a job making $10/hr for 30+ hours every week back in August of last year while i was 17 but i was out of school so it worked. Since I've started working there i've helped with paying rent and letting my mom borrow money when she needed a little more to last. Roughly i pay about 300-400 every month to help her out.
Once I turned 18 back in December I decided to start becoming a bit more independent. I got a pay raise. I started looking into my own Insurance plan starting up this month finally, looking at getting an apartment this summer with my friend, etc. etc.
I've started going out of town to see friends from school more and my mom took issue with it since I no longer ask to go, but instead tell her im going out of town for the weekend, going to do stuff without asking first in general. The car I drive is technically in her name still but I am the main carer for it, i get the gas, use it for work, and have put over $800 into it to fix issues its had over the last year.
She also works full time so oftentimes, we don't have anything ready for dinner, on these nights we just make whatever we want to eat and call it a night. I usually go get something cheap to eat and will ask my younger brother if he wants anything and usually its just something small. My mom takes offense that I don't ask her, despite that we both no she refuses to let me get her anything in the first place.
AITA for starting to become less dependent on her for everything? I still love her and she has been a great mom but I feel like i've earned my independence.
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| null |
AITA for how i deal with my depression?
|
A bit of context. At the end of 2013 I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I've been dealing with it since then (really i was dealing with it before then, but i didn't have a name for it at that point) and it's been getting continuously worse over time. In spite of my depression, I got engaged, made some great friends, and got a job I enjoy. Even with all that going well for me, I go through periods of time that I just can't function properly. There are times that i miss work because I'm too tired to do my job, and I feel that I'm not giving my fiancée the love and attention that she deserves, despite the fact that I'm giving all of it to her. Most days, I just genuinely feel like I'm not good enough for the people and things that surround me, and I'm not sure if it's just me overcoming things, or if I'm a genuinely bad person. I've had friends who stopped talking to me because I stopped being the energetic guy they liked to hang out with, and i feel guilty about it. Even though i feel like I'm doing everything I can in the moment, i see that i haven't been giving my all because of my situation. Since I know I should be doing more,I feel guilty that i can't find the motivation or energy to do so. Am I am asshole?
I'm exhausted right now, so i apologize if there are any grammatical errors. If there are any, I'll fix them shortly.
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"description": "not wishing my sister a happy birthday tomorrow",
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|
WIBTA for not wishing my sister a happy birthday tomorrow?
|
About 9 months ago, me and my 6 siblings (2 older + 4 younger) called CPS on our parents after we had audio of my mother beating and hurling awful insults at my 9-year-old brother. My parents essentially kicked me and my 2 older sisters out of the house and sent us to live with my grandma.
My younger siblings do not call or text me anymore. I’ve sent numerous texts and called multiple times, but there’s no response. I don’t know if it’s their choice or if my parents aren’t letting them. Whatever the choice, it’s heartbreaking for me. I see my younger brother and my high school, and when I pull him aside to talk, he seems angry and uninterested in what I have to say.
I don’t think it’s worth it to text my younger sister a happy birthday tomorrow, because I know she won’t respond. Am I wrong?
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"description": "cutting off my dad when he has stage 4 Cancer",
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|
AITA for cutting off my dad when he has Stage 4 Cancer?
|
Let me explain. Also, this is my first reddit post EVER so I’m sorry if I’m sloppy.
​
Growing up, I was never a bad kid. I was just a normal kid. Spoke too loud, ran too much, a little spoiled, but I was never BAD. I never threw temper tantrums/ hit anyone/ broke things. However, my parents, especially my father, would be angry with me all the time. He would whip me if I locked doors/ walked on grass/ traced a stencil using the sunlight on a window. And he was quick to say to me and my sibling “you better cut that shit out or I’m going to send you to bootcamp.” He also mistreated my childhood dog if he needed to lash out and we didn’t do anything “wrong.”
​
Fast forward, I moved out to dorm at college, and I began to forgive my parents for what I went through as a child. I told myself they were immigrants and that’s all they knew. But then, something bothered me more than usual. I started bringing ( serious ) boyfriends home and my dad would hurt my dog in front of them. It was so embarrassing and cruel. I flipped out and cursed at him, calling him an asshole and such and so forth. And on top of that, I found out he had 4+ kids with his late girlfriend before he met my mom and just abandoned them.
​
Months afterwards, we found out he had stage 4 cancer. I forced myself to forgive him AGAIN so we can support him through his treatments.
​
Family dynamics were getting better when he had cancer because we all had a fight worth fighting. My parents were on the brink of divorce but still living together because my dad always convinced my mom to stay. They were both shitty in their own ways may I add. Anyways, we started having dinners together and sharing jokes, etc. I was happy, ironically. The cancer somehow brought the family together. I would drive hours to drop him off and pick him up for treatments and I would ALWAYS pray and check up on him.
​
And then the other night my mom texted me a picture of my dad’s girlfriend’s post on FB. I didn’t know how to react. I was mad and sad. She confronted him and they agreed to a divorce. Then last night, he was calling this woman from across the world until 2am on speaker and my mom ( who sleeps in a separate room ) knocked and said, “can you not talk on speaker?” He said straight to her face “we’re not together, why does it matter.” The woman only the phone asked who’s that and what’s that and my dad said “oh it’s nothing.”
​
That was just so disrespectful to me and my mom. I don’t know how he can go cheat when has has a family AND A NEWBORN supporting him through his cancer. And why he tried to cling on to the marriage only to cheat. I just want to cut him off and never see his face again because he abandoned those 4+ kids before me, and now he’s abandoning us.
​
AITA for wanting to cut him off even though he has cancer? I don't want him to die being hated, but if I had cancer, I would enjoy the time w MY FAMILY not some random..
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AITA For Confronting my friend
|
So this is my first post on here, So let me start with 2 years a ago I met girl I really thought was beautiful and really kind, Well so I start talking to her and become her friend and everything is great and all for 1 year and I liked this girl of course but she saw me as just a friend. Okie so let get into the details She loved this KPOP band called BTS and I didn’t mind I actually liked some of their song but this girl didn’t just love the bad a folder with 10000 photos of them mainly this guy named tae, Well she would constantly send 100/70 something photos In 1hour and at first I didn’t mind at all but she begun to only talk about that and didn’t seem to care about my traits/interests but I didn’t care, she was still a hella good friend. (Ok so let me say this I have massive anxiety and went homeschooled cause of it so I don’t have many friends) and she knew this of course, So are conversation normally went like this
Me: Hey, hru
Her:(4hours later)HI, I’m good. You?
“Sends me like 10 photos of bts”
Me:(10 minutes later) I’m good, Thanks
Her:lol(12 hours later)
Then most of the time she wouldn’t respond for another 4hours so usually I could never start a conversation so one day I asked her to stop spamming me with Korean guys and she would like act like she knew them and stuff, so she stops completely and that sounds good but in reality it wasn’t cause then she wouldn’t respond for 6/7 hours at a time, so I told her she could send it just not a lot so a time passes and I want to hang out with her but she says her dad won’t let her even though I have a gay personality(not gay I just don’t act boyish) well anyway that was lie because she was allowed to go hang out with guys at night all the time so I didn’t understand why I couldn’t hang out with her on Saturday at the movies with other people:( but anyways time passes and she still makes the same excuse so slowly stop talking to her cause it fault like a one sided friendship and I fault like I was just emotional support and so I confronted her about it andddd she blocked me(lastly she was really defensive of bts so like she would ignore me for days if I did wanna listen to one of their song
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AITA for going to a Seniors jam session ?
|
The incident happened Friday night, but I'm going to pre face this by telling how I ended up at this jam session. I dont post much on reddit, so I will try to format for easy reading.
A couple months back I was letting my son play at a church playground. When we pulled in I noticed a older gentleman sitting on the bench, but I thought nothing of it since service didnt start for a couple more hours.
This man and I had been talking for awhile and we get on the subject of playing guitar. I tell him that I'm self taught and would like to find a group to listen to / follow along with to learn. He tells me about a little get together they have on friday nights at a church, encourages me to come check it out and to bring along my family.
Fast forward to this Friday and I'm hyped about it. I walk in with my wife and child and I start to feel like maybe we are a little out of place. There was about 10 -15 people there with instruments and around 30 more people in the crowd. All of the guitars looked almost identical, with blonde tybe bodies and here I am with a midnight edition esteban I had gotten from my mamaw when my papaw .
I sat down on the seats lining the wall near a couple other pickers and they introduced themselves. I explained how I don't feel I'm a very strong guitar player and that I was just there to try and follow along. That's when they asked a question I hadn't prepared for, "Well, Do you sing? "
I laughed it off and began to loosen up and the man asked again overvthe mic after he led a song. He said, " Your a new picker in here with us, I'd really like for you to sing us a song and Jeff and I will play with you! " I stood up and asked if they knew the song Wagon Wheel from Old Crow Medicine Show and they began to smile and gesture me towards them.
Now Reddit, I only sing when I play because none of my friends I usually play with will. I definitely had never sung at a function like this but I was feeling great because I have practiced this song alot.
I'm up there and i start singing a little out of time but by the end of the first verse me and these two fellas are getting it together. I'm staring kind of cross eyed at the mic to keep from looking at the crowd but I can see a few in the front swaying back and forth and I can hear them clapping. We finish the song and when I sat back down the man I was sitting beside told me thats something I should do more often.
I was feeling great about myself and my guitar playing until we left, and this isvthe part that makes me feel like an asshole, my wife mentions that when I got done an older woman made the comment that was NOT the type of place for that song and a man beside of her asked her what was so bad about it .
Am I the asshole ? My son is wanting to go again next week but I'm really having second thoughts about it. I'm sorry this is a long post . ask questions if you want, ill answer!
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|
AITA for being purposefully distant to my boyfriend when he has suicidal thoughts?
|
My boyfriend (22 M) suffers from depression and suicidal thoughts. He lives in a pretty shitty home and his family is abusive to him. I (22 F) also suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts and ideation, so I understand what he’s going through. A few weeks after we started dating, he had a pretty bad depressive episode, and I offered that he come over so he can get out of his house and away from his family for the day.
He told me what had been bothering him that day. I listened to him, and I said “I’m sorry.” He got angry at me for saying that, telling me that I was making it about me. He said some verbally abusive things, and by the end of the night, he was still yelling at me and I was in tears at that point. He left my house and didn’t talk to me for days after until he came back as if nothing happened. I was still very much upset.
Now, because I don’t want to deal with the verbal abuse, when he days he’s depressed or suicidal, I make myself distant. I don’t engage in conversation with him about that topic anymore, and when he does, I don’t offer any advice. I leave it open ended, because I’m still very much upset. Am I the asshole for not wanting to deal with his anger?
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"description": "getting mad at my husband for not telling me about a late work meeting",
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|
AITA for getting mad at my husband for not telling me about a late work meeting?
|
My husband has a very high stress job. I quit my dream job to help support him and moved to another country with our three kids for this job of his. I’m slightly resentful of this at times. I openly admit it. This is why I’m asking for strangers advice as to whether I’m a complete asshole about this sitch.
He has late night meetings sporadically because head office is in a different time zone. Most of the time he’s pretty good about letting me know ahead of time. Some times he’s not so good about it and I am bothered by it.
Sunday (yesterday) evening I asked him what time he would be home because I had a group of my son’s friends coming over to play after school and for dinner. He offhandedly mentions that he has a late night meeting and won’t be home before 10 pm. I asked him how long he knew about this and he said he’s not sure - he forgot to mention it.
I told him that it really bothers me when he doesn’t consider my time to be important. It makes me feel like I’m the hired help that will just go along with his schedule regardless of my needs and the needs of our family. It bothers me in so many ways that I can’t quite articulate.
He accused me of not being supportive of his hard job. We’ve had this conversation before and it never ends well
To keep the peace, I kept most of my feelings to myself and have just been inwardly upset and bothered by it. Who’s the asshole Reddit? Or are we both?
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"description": "choosing a same-sex dance partner",
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|
AITA for choosing a same-sex dance partner?
|
I'm (25M) a dancer and a few weeks ago my dance group started preparing for a competition. I expressed my desire to compete in the couples' category to my mentor, and she asked me if I'd already thought of a partner and if I wanted them to be male or female. I didn't even think of this detail because I assumed she would just assign a female partner to me. But she asked me and I figured it would be cool to have a male partner. I chose one, he agreed and we've been practicing for about 2 weeks.
Here's the thing. My dance partner is gay and I'm gay and I have a boyfriend (together for 1.5 years). My boyfriend didn't seem too worried about this, however, my best friend was appalled when she heard I was DANCING with another MAN several times a week. She told me I was an asshole for actually choosing to have a male partner when given the choice. If I was assigned a male partner, then fine, but according to her, choosing a male partner is unacceptable, shitty-boyfriend-behavior. She is also convinced that my boyfriend is pretending to be cool about it because in her opinion he is "too cool about it", so she has *casually* started asking him *subtle* questions about it. He usually just jokingly changes the topic.
I'm starting to get paranoid because 1.5 years isn't that long and even though I think I know my boyfriend well, I guess there is a chance he's pretending to not mind. I have no idea what to think anymore. AITA?
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| null |
AITAH Best friend was having a shit day at work and I ended up making it worse.
|
My best friend f19 recently got a job at pub that her uncle manages. And towards the end of her shift I m20 usually go in to see her so we can hang out a bit and grab food and help her stack the tables and chairs and stuff, and I think it makes her more comfortable there since it's full of creepy old guys. However a few nights ago around closing the assistant manager was asked her to change the bins while she was already cleaning the table and doing some other stuff. And after she made a joke that the bins was a guys Job, the assistant manager joked back that then she should be paid 40cent less then the guys or something. And after she went upstairs to the bathroom and didn't speak to anyone and for about an hour refused to talk.
Once she came towards the rest of us she turned to me for no reason and told me to go home and get a taxi, so I rang my taxi and went outside to have a joint with some of the other people there, despite her uncle already saying he would drop us all off together since we live close to each other. And so as I waited for my taxi I manged to cheer her up until her uncle made a joke witch sent her back to being mad.
And almost immediatelyd 3 drunk guys came into the pub witch was now closed, and my taxi was outise to so I said bye to her aunt and uncle and when I was outside I asked her uncle to tell her I said bye as she went to the other part of the pub to be alone. And he instead called her over but she seemed like she was better but literally as she was approaching me the 3 guys started taking me and two were pretty drunk and one of them who was the most drunk and seemed to be looking for a fight since he kept calling me paki (and also seemed like he was on something) grabbed me. I got him off me and told him "get the fuck of me" and his less drunk friends grabbed him as he kept jumping forward trying to come towards me. I tried saying to him "I don't want a fight". (Im a pretty strong guy but I'm not dumb enough to get into a fight with 3 drunk ass holes if it can be avoided and also I was so high and I knew it would look bad on her), as my friend approached the taxi, by this point she decided she's catching the taxi with me. And as she got outside the drunk guy began kicking off again and my friend got out the taxi and started shouting at them, to the point that the drunk guy and I ended up face to face about to have a fight before the other people in the pub separated us and we finally got into the taxi.
Did I do anything wrong here? I wasn't trying to start a fight but I feel really guilty, she was already having a shit time and I feel I made it worse. Sorry if this is the wrong type of situation for this sub.
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"description": "getting mad at my girlfriend for constantly sending money to her mom",
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|
AITA for getting mad at my girlfriend(28F) for constantly sending money to her mom?
|
So I’m in a weird spot right now. My girl and I are going through a lot in our relationship, so right now we basically split finances. She gives me her share (which is like $300 a month) while I pay the vast majority of all the bills; rent, car note, utilities, groceries, rent-to-own stuff. While she handles the phone bill, that’s all. Whatever extra money she has she basically gives to her mom.
Her mom hasn’t had a job in over a year since she lost her dad. I understand grief. I’ve lost many people close in my life, earlier this year I lost my father in January. Anyway, my point is I understand not wanting to work and having depression. I have dysthymia. On top of PTSD, OCD and anxiety.
Regardless, all our extra money goes to her mom in the end; $10 here for a Lyft, $40 here for groceries, $12 for another Lyft. All of that adds up. My hours just got cut because I’m attending college so my paychecks have been smaller than normal, luckily taxes and tuition have helped out for the past couple months.
Anyway, today was the final straw. I left my phone on the table after her mom called this morning asking for $12. Well I left my phone on the table to take my dog out, and just found out that she went into my phone and into my bank account and transferred herself $12.50 to give to her mom.
I told her I’m done today. She has yet to reply. That supporting her family isn’t feasible anymore when we can hardly support ourselves. I feel like an asshole because her 16 year old sister lives with her mom and I don’t want her sister to suffer. But at the end of the day, am I supposed to be nickel and dimed because her mom won’t get a job?
|
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RIGHT
|
s7neSygth50TRUHAZGw6VSRnfDuAEcVm
|
9t6v2h
|
{
"description": "slowly talking less and less to a clingy \"friend\"",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For slowly talking less and less to a clingy “friend”.
|
So I knew this one person, and they were incredibly clingy to me. I thought they were fine at first, but eventually, all they would do is complain about their problems. Every time I would be around them, they would just sit down and sigh, and stare at the ground until I talked to them. And once I talked to them, they would just warp the conversation into complaining about some part of their life. I would try and be friendly, and give them advice, but no matter what they never even came close to trying to fix any of their life issues. They would shrug off any help I tried to give them, and then rant about the same thing the next week. They didn’t want help, they wanted attention. Talking with them was not only frustrating, but pointless. Eventually I decided to text them less and less, and essentially slowly ended our “friendship”. Having to talk with them almost daily, was adding a lot more stress to my life, and I just couldn’t take it anymore. I really did try my best to help them, but as I said, they simply didn’t accept help, not even from themselves. AITA for ending our “friendship”?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
xyatHbTtWPayoNEhp3JsiDCiCmxVvneM
|
b6e7ye
|
{
"description": "faking a message saying I have a crush on my friend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for faking a message saying I have a crush on my friend?
|
Friend has a bad time with girls and when their was an anonymous crush servey where u say what you like about them and they post it anonymously online I wrote his name down and said some good stuff.
He saw it and his self confidence boosted a shit ton and he started talking to girls and stuff. My other friend said I'm an asshole for doing it but I think I made his life better and made him more confident. I'm never gonna say it was me who made it tho.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
I3pQ8jkn0MZmNtCqkLHNM2C82gJj0nx3
|
b0iofs
|
{
"description": "telling someone I know that they're child is being abused",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA telling someone I know that they're child is being abused
|
This happened about a year ago but it still weighs on my conscience and now that I've been asked if we can put it behind us I want to know where I stand morally.
At a family event, a distant relative's kid(10 yrs old) was saying that her new step dad was always swearing at her. She also said that she was pushed up against a wall and told that she wasn't wanted (all with a semi smile / semi concerned look). The mother and the rest of the family was there and no one really batted an eye. The step dad wasn't there. On top of this, I heard the mother say in front of the kid that "you were great until you started talking", "go away", "I don't want you here".
I admit the kid is known to be annoying but apparently at school they are very well behaved. It's only at home that they behave 'like this'.
As all of this was happening I was getting angrier and angrier. I realised that if I didn't leave I was going to say something. I got up and quickly grabbed my things to leave, but on the way out the mother looked offended and shocked and asked if she did something. I snapped and said that what she is doing is abuse, that the kid is being abused. It sort of exploded after that (she kept on screaming that since I'm not a parent I have no right to say anything) but I think I just dissociated and stood there still and crying. I left once a family member ushed me out because I certainly wasn't able to do anything on my own.
So reddit, AITA? Should I just have said nothing? Am I the asshole for just trying to leave?
Thanks.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
PZiXENtj0DyYTidAMHQXS1CESogWfFLL
|
anfi0r
|
{
"description": "not wanting my partners dog in our bed",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting my partners dog in our bed
|
Let me say that I absolutely adore this dog and love cuddling him on the couch, I just don't want him in the bed.
So he was originally my partners dog, but we both consider him ours now. He is almost 4 years old and was always allowed on all the furniture since my partner got him as a puppy. But now that we live together it is my bed, too (they moved in with me). The dog just takes up a lot of space and I just never liked anyone touching me when I want to sleep. He also leaves a bunch of hair on the blankets and I gotta washed the sheets every other day because he leaves stains from licking his butt. Also him jumping on the bed, wanting to cuddle or play ruined the mood more than once.
So, I want to teach the dog not to go on the bed anymore, but he is so used to it, of course he doesn't understand why the change. He absolutely hates not sleeping with us and gets mad. So he would just whine at night until my partner would let him under the blanket. I said he will never learn if you keep giving in, but I understand him not wanting to be annoyed at night. He feels bad for sending him to his dog bed and likes having him to cuddle.
AITA? Is it to late to change this habit anyway and I should just give in or do you think its reasonable?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
VPvhccg4ZP9m3wUc7zd0RD6BwDM9mvaB
|
a0jrga
|
{
"description": "not understanding how painful a woman's period cramps can be",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 30
}
|
AITA for not understanding how painful a woman’s period cramps can be?
|
So this isn’t super recent but my friend recently brought up an event that I had forgotten from a few years ago.
This event occurred when I was 17 in Junior college. My class consisted of 20 people, 5 guys and 15 girls. So basically there was this girl in my class that often left school early complaining of period pains. She would simply get up, pack her bags and waltz straight out the door saying she had period pains. The teachers normally did not stop her but if they did she would glare at them until they let her go.
So, me being a young man, decided to complain to my friends, a group of girls, about how she was faking it and skipping school. They didn’t have none of my shit and proceeded to criticize me about not understanding how a girls body works, how period pains were the worst feeling in the world and how insensitive I was.
All I wanted was to make a light joke and voice my annoyance about how my classmate could simply skip school by saying she had period pains but I guess nobody else thought it was as funny as i did.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 29,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 30
}
|
WRONG
|
qZRcKfpYFPWH3dhdTwf66dLCbXvIhOnk
|
9ycdia
|
{
"description": "ghosting my friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ghosting my friend?
|
(Forgive for formatting, am on mobile) So a little back story, this girl has been my friend all through high school, we are both now 18, and we have helped each other through bad moments in our mental health, and we were each other’s only friend for a long time.
However, this year our friendship became kind of rocky and we argued constantly about small and ultimately unimportant things. Usually she would get annoyed and I would feel like I had to defend whatever it was she was attacking. It got worse over time; never to the point where we were hurting each other, but it got old and to the point where I didn’t look forward to being with her as much. One day I even asked her, “why do you hang out with me if I annoy you so much?” She replied with a simple “I don’t know”, and moved on.
However, a few months into this school year I met one of her friends and we really hit it off, we hung out all the time, and we got decently close, I never cut off contact with friend A, but it diminished significantly. Over time we stopped talking and I heard from one of her friends that she was hurt. But I never contacted her. Then one night she texted me saying she hated me, and to never talk to her again. Asking how I could have dropped her after everything we had been through, how she never stopped caring for me and that I obviously didn’t care about her.
I feel like an asshole for cutting her off, and I should have talked to her, but I just wish she would have acted like she knew why she was my friend in the first place.
— I know this might not seem like the biggest deal, but it’s been weighing on my conscious ever since she said that. Thank you all for any comments.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
fcKlbXajz5reNVr7W6GxATIXSGNmdUZI
|
b1u4h2
|
{
"description": "wanting a flight home after a company I interviewed with flew me out via standby travel and flights were too full to get back",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For wanting a flight home after a company I interviewed with flew me out via standby travel and flights were too full to get back?
|
I'm a recent graduate in a unique field. Recently I was flown out by a company via standby travel for an interview. I go to the job interview and botch it. So I leave and go the airport hoping to get on an earlier flight (an interviewer told me the flights were full the next few days to my destination and they're flying me home standby). I get to the and don't make it on the flight since Im so low on priority (standby is a free ticket for airline employees as long as there are seats and prioity is based on seniority with the company) Since I don't work for the company I had the lowest priority. The last flight of the day comes and I didnt get on. So I called the rep from the company I interviewed with and they were nice enough to put me in a hotel for the night. Then they said if I don't get on the first flight tomorrow, call the company and they will "figure something out because it's our responsibility to get you home".
The next day I didn't get on the flight so I emailed and asked if there was anything they could do to help get me home. They respond and told me flights were pretty full for the next 3 days and advised me to buy a ticket.
Tickets are nearly 700 dollars but I didnt have much of a choice.
So I put the flight on my credit card and leave later that day. I had interviewed for another job a week before unsuccessfully so was feeling down.
I get home and call my mentor from an internship wanting advice. I told him the situation and he called me (and the entire millennial generation) entitled. He said the company didn't owe me anything.
Then he goes to reference my internship.
At the end of the internship my performance was reviewed on a scale of 1-5. During my evaluation, I was given all 4s. So I ask what it would have taken to get 5s and they said I would have had to rescue the CEO's wife from a burning building. I laugh and say ok.
Back to the phone call. My mentor references me asking that in my evaluation and says that I am entitled cause I thought I deserved 5s and that if I didn't change that mindset I would stay the "loser" that I am right now (after not getting the two jobs) and that he wants me to be a winner.
I later say that I'll be in his area soon to visit a nearby military base to "see if it is a good fit" (if I were to join I would be spending 10+ years with the people at the base so I thought this was fair to say). He responded by saying that sounded ridiculous and just shows how entitled I am and that if I want it bad enough I should just make sure they like me. (He has no experience in this process) I thought that was obvious but there are other units around the country and each one has a unique culture and I'd like to join one that I like.
He ended the conversation by saying I need to stop thinking the world owed me something.
Now, after all that, am I the entitled asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
S5BPlUpLLyrwFqfGZ4mJbmg8Zpe1DD2K
|
b2sr17
|
{
"description": "expecting more emotional support from my husband",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for expecting more emotional support from my husband?
|
I'm (28F), he's (28M). He has three kiddos, my step children, and we are about 4 weeks from bringing home twins of our own. We have been married a year and a half.
Our relationship is normally very loving, he is my best friend. I had some mental health issues before we got married, (depression, anxiety) but I am now pretty damn solid on that front after almost three years of therapy. However, we have an issue I don't know how to resolve.
If I get upset about something, angry or sad, he tunes me out until I get over it. Like, I handle that shit on my own. Sometimes this means I'm crying my eyes out or fuming and he's in bed, or in the next room, ignoring me. I've told him multiple times that I feel really lonely and uncared for in these times. I am an emotional person, but not irrational, ie; I don't pick fights or cry for attention.
He usually has a reason he isn't talking to me. "I thought you could use the space," "it's too late at night, I don't feel like talking," "as far as I'm concerned the issue is resolved, why do we have to keep discussing it?." If I was sad before, now I'm pissed. That's how I rank? It's too late in the evening to patch up after a fight? I'm talking and he's on Reddit or watching TV--no eye contact, no verbalization.
Its frustrating because it's the same 3-4 things that hurt my feelings/make me mad and he refuses to work on them with me. I feel like if I was as important as he says I am, he wouldn't be able to watch The Office instead of trying to make me feel better....
Is that ridiculous? Is being lonely just a part of this? Am I being an asshole for expecting him to prioritize my happiness?
Tldr: husband basically shuts off when I have "unpleasant" emotions. I feel incredibly lonely.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
3Cyuv7AOjJUcairrE5I1Rb0Tr1TVvOQT
|
ahxtit
|
{
"description": "leaving my speakers on late at night",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for leaving my speakers on late at night
|
This was last year when I used to work long as night shifts ( usually from 6pm to 8am ) and my flat mighta constantly where playing loud music throughout the day even though I politely asked if they could keep the noise down as I was trying to sleep
( back ground info to this, I didn’t know them nor where we friends it was uni halls vans I moved in late and I was either Always in work sleeping or at uni so didn’t really socialise with them)
To Which I always got told no it’s 11am we don’t have to keep it down, which to be fair they don’t but I wasn’t asking much just so turn it down so I couldn’t hear it ( I did buy earplugs but they didn’t make a difference)
So I thought oh this speaker that I have connects to my phone with WiFi, so the petty voice it my head told me to play it late out night on full volume ( I tested the levels neighbours couldn’t here it but it was loud inside the flat so I thought great if I can’t sleep neither then they
This went on for a few weeks until one of them asked if I could stop being loud at night, to which I said sure if you can be quite after I’ve got If night ( which was only like 3 nights a week) to which they agreed to if I left a note on my door saying that I got of work at X time will be awake at Y
They where also the least tidy people you’d ever meet but that’s a different story I guess
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
B7lHjHufmxVlo4Rj5FQEex7j3lelQVsJ
|
axh568
|
{
"description": "ending a relationship based on a reaction",
"pronormative_score": 55,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ending a relationship based on a reaction?
|
So I'd started seeing this guy semi-seriously. And then this happened. I'm trying to figure out if I'm the asshole here for ending this relationship based on his reaction to 2 things
1. I happened to mention that me and my roommates had needed to go to a food bank this month because we had some unexpected expenses and were left a little short. His reaction was "I'm worried about your ability to financially take care of yourself, it sounds like I need to take control of your finances to make sure you're being safe"
2. I had a flare up of an existing mental health issue. I told him I may have to go to the hospital. Instead of responding with support I was told "oh you just need a pacifier. The pharmacy can give you an emergency dose of Ativan you'll be fine".
It just felt like I couldn't trust him to be there for me when I needed him. But am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 55,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 55,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
MiME74UFn9TYJCQzWTSE1XwClrCSER5f
|
b3fb8j
|
{
"description": "asking my wife to agree we're not going to be parents",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for asking my wife to agree we're not going to be parents?
|
My wife and I have been together since college, married for \~4 years now in a commitment ceremony. Found wheelchair-suitable housing last year and moved in together.
The obstacles to us becoming parents are:
1. Financial. We split rent and utilities 70/30 every month. She works P/t at $10 an hour. I work F/T at $15.25. TL;DR - we absolutely could not afford her to stop working entirely AND the expense of a child. We'd be slowly going broke every month, at best.
2. Medical. She was born with Spastic Cerebral Palsy and has a 50-50 chance of dying if she gets pregnant. None of her female friends have accepted her request for surrogacy. We REALLY don't want to hire one either, too many horror stories.
3. Emotional/Mental. We both have...a fair few issues we're working through. Mostly childhood traumas on her end & poor memory/ADHD on mine. We've achieved a stable but fragile state of harmony, but without giving out TMI I can pretty safely say that if the kid is anything short of a junior saint we're going to be at each other's throats.
I have exhausted literally every higher-paying job I qualify for on several job search sites as of last month, to no avail. I've thrown out or donated 80% of my electronic gear and most of my old hobbies to make more room in our apartment. We went to couples counseling (which helped) and I've tried to help her keep in touch with her friends.
Meanwhile, for the past few years she's been constantly back-and-forth on the issue. At several points she's literally set a date to try for a child complete with Fun Times, we've bought tests and commiserated when they came back negative. She has also (supposedly) picked boy and girl names out already and talked to adoption agencies.
Yet nothing ever seems to come of the latter and she also takes her birth control pills every day without fail. Whenever I try to VERY GENTLY remind her "pills = no baby" or ask if there's been measurable progress on the adoption process she either gets angry, deflects the issue, starts crying or all of the above. It's become a conversational landmine I can't even approach without risking a "boom". Trying to approach the issue of children issue otherwise either ends inconclusively or in a minor-to-major meltdown, no matter HOW hard I try.
All this lead up to a conversation this morning where I tried to politely tell her that we needed to put this issue to bed. We're not getting any younger, higher income does not appear to be forthcoming, and I'm just plain tired of the stress of going back-and-forth on this issue for going on half a decade. I love you honey, I'm not going anywhere, let's hug on this and let it go.
...suffice it to say that her meltdown rivalled Chernobyl and Fukashima put together.
Between tears she accused me of "not liking kids", of making a big decision without her, and a dozen other things.
Am I really a monster for saying I'd like to put this issue to rest rather than have it lurking in the closet?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
uhYkU9hOY808Hg79FU9zNvvUNR6tYmut
|
ataq45
|
{
"description": "starting to fancy my bestfriends crush",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA if i’m starting to fancy my bestfriends crush?
|
So I know already that I am an asshole but how much of an? So i noticed that my bestfriend had started to fancy a girl. It was clar from how he spokr about her and i thought it was really nice that he finally found someone to fancy. But a couple of weeks ago he said that he had asked her out but she had said no which was a bummer for him. So a couple of weeks goes and he said to me that he no longer have any feelings for her but i know him and i know that it was a lie. He wanted to have a party where I, his crush and a couple others were invited so I came and said hello to everyone and joined in on the party. And he introduced me to his crush and we started talking and we became fast friends but the next day after we slept over we started talking again and exchanged eachothers snapchats. So we started talking there now i did not mean to like her but it just happened and i started noticing that she were starting to like me too and later on today actually we ”confessed” to eachother that we you know ”like” eachother and that is where It is right now for the moment. I would want to know should I be shaking in self pity over this like i am ( and yes I know that confessing that you are shaking because of self pity is self pity) I’ve come here to reddit because here i should get an unbiased opinion how big of an asshole am I cause i do know that this is an asshole thing to do but i could’nt do anything about it. What should i do?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
xtxMfx38RNyNiPXQ9sKSLjMny2fJ0xpN
|
az2814
|
{
"description": "making a joke deemed offensive towards gay people even though I'm also gay",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for making a joke deemed offensive towards gay people even though I'm also gay?
|
Hi, so a bit of background here.
I'm gay, but I'm also a trans man, so I didn't have the exact same experiences as someone who knew they were a guy since birth. It took me a while to know my identity.
So perhaps I might be offensive accidentally to cis gay guys but it wouldn't have been my intention.
This post might be a bit stupid but I was wondering about this situation.
A few days ago I was browsing the Internet and I made "joke" that a guy must be in the closet.
It was regarding a post made by a guy on social media. The person said he wouldn't have sex with a girl if she was wearing mismatched underwear (yeah...).
My joke was careless, I commented quickly without thinking.
A few minutes later, a woman who isn't LGBTQ said that I was being offensive towards gay people and that not all of them are misogynistic, etc.
I wasn't trying to imply that at all and I replied that I wasn't trying to be rude and that I am actually LGBT.
I also explained that there are a lot of "straight" men who actually prowl queer dating apps asking for brojobs and they are all afraid of being seen there. Some of these men are misogynistic. My joke wasn't exactly about this, but it was close. Again, it was a careless, quick and stupid comment.
But again, I wasn't trying to imply that gay men are misogynistic, and I would have no reason to do that.
She then said that having a different sexual orientation doesn't excuse the person of being an asshole, which I agree with, though this might also have been a jab at me.
I ended up apologising and removing the offensive part of my initial comment, but my conscience is still heavy and I actually felt so bad as to have a nightmare lol.
In hindsight, I should have written more elaborate responses from the start.
At the same time I really wonder if she wasn't overreacting.
I see straight people making the same joke as I did and I never saw anyone getting angry. I never found that bad either.
Since she was an outsider, I'm not sure if she really understood me and I don't think she had to right to say what is offensive or not.
After all, when you're part of a "subculture", sometimes you can make jokes that would normally be strange to an outsider, or criticise certain behaviours from the very group you belong to.
There is such a thing as "N-Word Privileges".
I'm also part of other marginalised groups and sometimes I see outsiders trying to speak for us.
There is a trope called "Offending The Creator's Own" and I feel like it's my exact situation. I also asked another gay friend and he said that I wasn't being homophobic or anything of the sort. My mother told me to just tell the lady to fuck off.
I try my best not to be prejudiced even towards my own, but it could happen, and I will always apologise and try to change if it does.
Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
F1TdM7Bsb8wm7XccsPkBQzqCjtUuUMan
|
a1au7h
|
{
"description": "asking my wife to stop complaining and making an issue of my extended work hours and my lack of involvement in the house chores",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for asking my wife to stop complaining and making an issue of my extended work hours and my lack of involvement in the house chores?
|
Background:
We moved abroad. Supposedly, I already had a job contract. We sold everything in our home country and moved. When we got here, the contract had irregularities that made it impossible for me to get a work visa and, therefore, my wife was unable to get a residence card.
We had no way of going back, not atleast without being literally homeless and jobless. Since my mother in law was living here, she took us in while we figured out a way of fixing this.
We have 3 kids.
About 2 months passed and I managed to get some freelancing gigs. Moved out of my MIL after 6 months of being taken in. Ever since I've been doing freelancing work from home: 2 part-time jobs + translation + ocassinal full-time jobs (all this simultaneously and for the past 2 years). My wife, however, without her residence card can't work anywhere -- literally no-one will take her. She was forced to being a housewife, which I know she dreads.
Given my insane daily workload, I work on and off for about 10-11 hours a day.
\- I wake up at 7am, prepare breakfast for the 3 kids, and lunches for 2 of them (the 3rd has her lunch provided by the school)
\- At 8.30am I take the eldest 2 to their school. We don't have a car, yet, so we ride our bikes to school (900m ride, not bad).
\- I then come back and pick up the youngest who has to be at school by 9am, also on my bike. I scavenger the job boards for freelancing gigs for 10-15 minutes before taking off.
\- I come back and make breakfast for me and my wife, we have breakfast, watch a little TV in one of the few moments we have alone, chat a bit and by 10am I have to check in to my morning job.
\- At 11.45am I go and pick up my youngest kid.
\- At 1pm my wife picks up the eldest 2 (sometimes we switch with the one above)
\- I take a small break to have lunch with the family and by 1.30pm ish I'm back at work
\- I then make another break around 3pm to take the 3 kids to school again.
\- I then come back and around 4pm I switch to my afternoon job
\- 3 days a week I have to go pick the kids at 4.30pm and I'm back by 5pm
\- I then work as non-stop as possible until 8pm (kids need attention and come chat with me, show me their drawings, I make afternoon snacks, put a movie, etc.)
\- Most days I put the youngest to sleep at around 9pm
\- If I have a freelancing gig I tend to go back to work as soon as the youngest falls asleep, up until 11pm or even 12 or 1am depending on the workload.
I know. I work too much. But the thing is, I kind of need to since my wife can't work and we need to re-build our life here (we were literally sleeping on the floor the first month after we moved and have ever since purchased the stuff we need little by little) while we pay rent, utilities, food, clothes, extracurricular activities for my kids, etc., etc.
Ever since the very beginning of this situation, my wife has felt like shite for having to be a housewife (she used to work and even earn more than me, she had a good job and didn't foresee this situation). She still does most of the stuff at home.
She's always getting mad because I don't help her with the house as much as she would like. I understand she has a HUGE load on her end. But I have an equally big and stressful load on my end too.
This time, 50 minutes ago, she was triggered because she was playing games on my work PC (she has a laptop of her own but isn't as powerful as mine and games are unplayable) and I needed to call a customer. Even though I have been reminding her that I had this call schedule, when it was 5 minutes before the call, I reminded her again, and she gave me this look like "here you come again being annoying". I told her "I know it sucks but I have to work" and she looked at the clock and since it wasn't o'clock (the time of the call) she kept on playing. I told her, with an unfriendly tone "Are you giving me a minute to prepare for the call or no?". She flipped and started saying I was being an asshole and that I took the chance to treat her badly and whatnot. To which I replied "I HAVE TO WORK because you can't" in a shitty effort of trying to make her see my point... which failed miserably.
She got ultra mad, and to be honest, the fact that she is not capable of understanding that I DREAD having to work this much to make ends meet, drives me fucking insane, to the point in which I just tell her she can fuck off, and she tells me to fuck off back. To sum up, a completely and utterly shit situation.
AITA for thinking and telling her that even though the situation is far from ideal, she needs to come to terms with me being the only one who can work for now, while she takes care of most of the house stuff? This will end in about a year when we both can get our residence cards and she can finally work again.
​
I know I am an asshole for getting mad and arguing about it, but I need to know if my thinking is wrong.
Thanks.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
CEJWZw3lWG0I4GkP1rf45IM1P8FoYWBq
|
b6zc0g
|
{
"description": "telling my team member that she has been talked badly about behind her back",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my team member that she has been talked badly about behind her back?
|
I (31M) was the lead for a small team at a small company. My team consisted of 1 student and 1 part time employee, who I want to call Lisa (33F).
Our company has a HQ in one city and a subsidiary in another, about 100km away. There are about 25 people working in HQ and another 30 at the other location.
A while ago I was told by a colleague that the general manager of our subsidiary, Rose (45ish, F), has been talking shit about members of the HQ team. Most notably, she has voiced her (partly legitimate) grievances about how the company is being run to her own employees. This supposedly got personal very fast around christmas when she outright started talking shit behind peoples back to her team. One of those things was her telling others that Lisa only had her job because her old supervisor thought she was hot. Verbatim it might've been something like "because she is his whore".
Now, before I did anything, I approached Lisa and told her about this, and then after she agreed to it, we escalated the issue to management. What happened afterwards I don't know, because I left the company in the mean time (partly because of what the culture had become).
Now, several weeks later, Lisa gave me a call and told me that she is really unhappy that I told her about what has been said about her and that it has negatively impacted her work life, because she has to see Rose semi-regularly and sometimes also interact with her directly and that is causing Lisa to feel a lot of bad things.
I told her because I would want to be told this if it was me, especially before others are told about it in a formal process.
Yet, Lisa now told me that she wishes she'd never learned of this and blames me for having told her.
That leaves me to wonder: Am I the Asshole for making her aware of the lies that people are spreading about her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
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|
OTHER
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
KM8QQkXEut8rKU2jMrKmMoxi5cuqnvIO
|
9xh8gj
|
{
"description": "telling my son to jump another kid",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA, I told my son (15) to jump another kid (13).
|
This kid has been bullying my youngest because he's a 6th grader and all of this dumb preteen bullshit. They always tell kids to tell their parents but they never really tell you, the parent, what to do. I called the school multiple times, my ex wife even threatened a law suit against them. They've still done really nothing, he's still in my son's chess class, still have the same P.E, still have the same lunch. Nothing.
I kept telling him to defend himself but he won't listen to me or he thinks of some cute but ineffective insults. I wouldn't care if he cussed him out at that point. The kid ended up threatening to put hands on him and he did, my son ended up breaking him arm. The school still did absolutely nothing.
I was completely over it and honestly wanted to beat up that kid myself. But, I taught my older son some self defense techniques like holding a combination lock in your hand while you punch, avoid grabbing, how to take someone to the ground, the usual stuff. Since his friends were also there, I taught them too. Then, when I was picking up my son. After, he told me what the kid looked like. I told my son and his friends to just get him.
Now, my ex wife, is all pissy about it. She keeps saying that what I did was wrong and she's calling me a psychopath and all of these things. I know it's kinda morally wrong, but, is it really?
Note: didn't want this to follow me so I made a throwaway account.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 17
}
|
WRONG
|
qoEOREyfMpm1WcsSzS2r4x6XeqrZWekS
|
adjid9
|
{
"description": "possibly causing my friend to self harm and thinking she did it for attention",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for possibly causing my friend to self harm and thinking she did it for attention?
|
so we've been friends for about 3-4 years. she always did little things to get attention and she makes up a lot of fake stories and lies, for example she said that this weekend she had a very low body temperature. seems absolutely believable, until you get to the part where she claims her temperature was 32.5 degrees Celsius.
she's overall a nice person, she has some flaws, but so does everybody.
a couple months ago my other friend lightly grabbed her wrist (she had long sleeves) and she hissed "in pain" and jerked her wrist away. my friend asked her what happened and she said "nothing, i just have a bruise there". she refused to talk about it and to show it and insisted to drop the topic.
i did. as an ex self harmer (well, almost ex) i know how hard it is to confess to someone about your habits. so i tried not to pressure her, but I analysed her every move to find out if she really does cut.
at one of the lessons she put her hand up to say something. her sleeve fell a little bit lower and i instantly looked at her arm and in the corner of my eye i saw a couple of light, clearly self harm cuts. she didn't pull her sleeve up, but she noticed it went lower.
when I had fresh cuts, hell, even only old scars i tried my hardest to hide them. i wouldn't let my sleeve go down even just a bit and i constantly pulled them up.
i confronted her on that day (privately) about it. i said that I know what it feels like and i'll try my best to help her. i even showed her my arm filled with old scars to warn her what might happen if she continues to cut. but i still think she did it for attention.
i also think i might have started it. i never talked about still harm, but once she found my razor and figured it out. maybe i was a bad influence. it's most probably my fault.
she stopped cutting (she self harmed for only 2 weeks) and didn't even bother to hide her old scars. she also lies about having an eating disorder and eating less than 1000 kcal a day, when she CLEARLY doesn't.
even though I helped her to stop self harming, i still think she's an attention seeker and does that stuff because she thinks it's "aesthetic". i try to stay away from her now because of it and she genuinely sees me as a friend and i keep slightly pushing her away, but i pretend i still really like her.
AITA?
tl;dr - i might have caused my friend to start self harming. i think she's just an attention seeker and i lie about still liking her when i push her away.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Sk5UIDeKmbZWX5Blz2DjvpoB0hEXwqkc
|
ba4pcp
|
{
"description": "refusing to change my baby's diapers",
"pronormative_score": 49,
"contranormative_score": 499
}
|
AITA for refusing to change my baby’s diapers?
|
I have an 8-week-old daughter who is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Overall my wife and I have adjusted really well to our lives as new parents.
The one issue is diaper changing. I have an embarrassingly week stomach. I told my wife before we even started trying for a baby that I can’t do diapers. I think she didn’t take me seriously or thought I would feel differently with my own kid. But I do not feel differently. Obviously I will change her if I am the only one around (which hasn’t really been the case yet because my wife hasn’t really spent any time away from the baby yet, which I get). It’s just not something I want to be a primary responsibility for me.
For context, my wife is an RN but she isn’t working right now. I work full time, so my wife takes on more of the household labor but I pitch in a lot too, especially because the baby has us both tired. I will do feedings and baths and all of that and I don’t mind any of it. And I love spending time with my daughter, of course.
My wife hasn’t made a huge fuss about it but she does make some passive aggressive remarks and “jokes” about the fact that I don’t change her. I don’t want this to become a point of resentment. But I also don’t think it’s that serious if this one task is delegated (almost) solely to her?
Alright, judge away, I guess.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 499,
"OTHER": 31,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 18,
"INFO": 8
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 49,
"WRONG": 499
}
|
WRONG
|
dbJEOOymszVNas4xRjwpW44i2S0Nlr9P
|
9u512d
|
{
"description": "not changing seats on a plane to let a mother sit with her kid",
"pronormative_score": 43,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For not changing seats on a plane to let a mother sit with her kid?
|
Sitting up front in plus seating row. I pay extra to sit in the aisle plus section. Lady asks me to switch to another plus seat but it's by the window. I say no because I don't like window seating since I'm a big guy (6'3) and don't like how I have a wall to my left. Lady was surprised I didn't move because I figured it was her fault for not planning her flight better. The flight is only 1 hour and the kid beside me is sniffling from not being able to sit with his mom. She is just seated a row in front of him.
I paid the damn cost to sit where I want. I just have an inkling feeling that I may have come off as an asshole. I am writing this as people are boarding the plane.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 42,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 43,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
FZRkJsrojy3D2DRTxDnojDf2J5H0AU16
|
b5i9uv
|
{
"description": "not agreeing to joint medical insurance with my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not agreeing to joint medical insurance with my girlfriend?
|
So me and my girlfriend have recently moved in together, and everything is going well except this one bone of contention. We both have private medical insurance (We are in the UK so it's not mandatory to have insurance) with different companies and hers is up for renewal, when she was shopping around for quotes she got a quote for couples insurance from both my company and hers and it does work out cheaper. However we don't have joint finances or anything like that and I don't want to end up being the one that is paying for what essentially amounts to a luxury for us both, also I worry as its a 12 month contract so it'd cost money to break it if we split up. Now we've been together about 18 months and our relationship is solid but I just don't feel comfortable having joint insurance until we have joint finances down the line. She's fuming with me and says it's proof that I'm not committed to the relationship, AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
QuuTkRmtMYXdkuySl1PzvCepi2z7wWCy
|
atkz2q
|
{
"description": "disabling the Wifi due to my friend's loud teenager",
"pronormative_score": 241,
"contranormative_score": 30
}
|
AITA for disabling the Wifi due to my friend's loud teenager?
|
I own my own home and have a friend and his kid staying with me for a week. To make a long story short, this kid (16 years old) is extremely loud and has been keeping me up at night with his gaming.
I can understand the occasional outburst, but his yelling and screaming will go on for hours on end during the night, and as a working professional, absolutely need my sleep to have a productive work day.
I have asked him (and his father, my friend) several times to please quiet down during the evening/night, but his screaming has persisted for the past two days. My neighbors to the side of me (town home development) made a joke out of it last night, laughing at the fact that they have heard everything -- I was quite embarrassed.
So this morning before leaving for work, I disabled the WiFi to my home - it just so happens the router is in my room which I locked. I live in a residential area where the closest shopping center is about three miles away. I felt a twinge of remorse as I got to work, but hopefully he'll learn a lesson.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 239,
"EVERYBODY": 15,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 241,
"WRONG": 30
}
|
RIGHT
|
dRdXCEWxHfp6XcvMqoPjBaLL1MJjBycE
|
a4ljc5
|
{
"description": "not getting into kpop",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not getting into kpop?
|
My girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me a couple days ago and as I'm trying to make sense of it all and move on I've found myself unsure of my own morality or if I'm overthinking. I'll try to lay down all the facts:
Years ago we went to a party, we both got completely smashed. I was told, because I couldn't fully remember the night at the time, that I was drunkenly trying to find her thoughout the night while he was flirting heavily and physically with a lot of the guys. It's been years since that party and when I see some of my guy friends who were there, they still tell me about what she was trying to do with them. It was hurtful but I tried to look past it.
Coming away from that party left me with a feeling that she wouldn't be faithful in the future. Expressing this to her led to arguments that I am bi phobic. (I'm a lesbian, she's bi.) I tell her I would be upset whether she was on other girls or boys or both. She says I could never understand because I'm not bi. So eventually I tried to forget about it because at that point I had loved her so much that I was willing to be with her even if she was unfaithful.
That year the marching band took a trip to Hawaii to march in the Pearl Harbor parade. Her dance team didn't end up going for whatever reason. After the parade some of the girls on my old color guard team and I went to get shaved ice. On our way back to the hotel we noticed a man and his friend following us and as teenage girls in cheerleader uniforms naturally we were nervous.
I actually end up talking to them because they approached us and my social anxiety at the time prevented me from just telling them to go away. We exchanged phone numbers and texted each other occasionally.
Come Christmas time he sent me care packages from Hawaii. Although I we talked, I never sent him any pictures of me, suggestive or not. (I was 16 at the time and he was probably in his mid twenties.) He was 100% preying on younger girls on purpose. I knew that from the start but I continued to talk to him anyway because he gave me more attention than she did.
Later, I find out she kissed the guy who was sending her dick pics while he was at her house. I got upset and let it slip that I knew something like this would happen and the whole biphobia arguments come up again.
A few months later she goes to Boston for about 10 days and comes back with her personality completely taken over by kpop. Sure, it's okay music but you know how kpop bands have cult followings of fans? It was like that. She'd spend hours of the day dancing to YouTube videos, she made a blog, everything. It's an extreme hyperfixation. To the point where I felt she prioritized kpop over me. She then claimed that I never let her enjoy her own things. She cited us going to the same school (where we met), me being uncomfortable with her getting handsy with other guys, and other similarities we have as people. Anything that she enjoyed I apparently wasn't allowed to express my own enjoyment from.
Not long after, she calls me to the park and since I was at a family dinner and hadn't driven and had my dad drop me off. She says she wants to break up because I wasn't invested in kpop enough for her.
TL;DR: long time gf contradicts herself am I the asshole for kpop being the last straw of all things?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Pzz4d383yKckg3kxH9gwzEdZDeJztmWa
|
ab1r5s
|
{
"description": "telling a friend about her coworker hitting on me",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling a friend about her coworker hitting on me?
|
So there's this convenience store that's walking distance to my house that I'm in just about every day to buy cigarettes. It has a rotating staff of guys that are all cousins/brothers/various relatives. They're all flirty to every girl that walks in, so I dont take it seriously when they do the same to me. They know I'm married and have kids. It's all jokey and everything is fine. There are two non relatives working there, one of which is my friend.
Enter the newest relative dude who started there a month or so back. Guy makes creepy eye contact, starts calling me a nick name (I'm assuming it's a word in Arabic, but no clue what it means), and generally just chats me up every time I'm in there. Whatever, not an issue...until today.
I went in like normal and the guys asked for my number. I told him I was married to which he responded that this was between me and him, then bragged that he had his wife on the phone when I came in. I got super flustered and didn't want to cause a scene or anything, so I had him write his number down. I took it, sat on it for an hour to figure out how to let the guy down and then returned it and explained that I was flattered but it wasn't going to happen.
When I got home I texted my friend (his coworker) about it and that I was weirded out and going to be avoiding the store for a few days. She responded that she was going to talk to the owner about him. The implication being that he'll be transferred to another store or fired and shipped back home.
I feel like I should just have kept my mouth shut at this point. All he did was ask a girl out. Am I the asshole here for venting to my friend about it and possibly costing the dude his job?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
7qBdC93T6VnrQEotm2FG6qCaVvbaVdzW
|
ajz4nv
|
{
"description": "not wanting to pick up my neighbors kid from school everyday",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to pick up my neighbors kid from school everyday?
|
This is a long post so bear with me. I’m still upset about the conversation that I was stuck with earlier today.
A little background, I have known my new neighbor across the street for about 14? Years. She is a few years older than me and has lived across from my in laws since I was in high school. We had become friends for a period of time,we both had very young (toddler) children. Her oldest was a couple years older than my oldest and I even sort of looked up to her as a mother. Years go by, and we sort of grew apart as the kids grew older until a couple years ago when my in-laws built a new pool. They were coming around a little more often and she and her his dad even helped us a little on building the pool deck.
That summer her family sort of acted like we owed them something for helping us. My husband and I didn’t live there but they definitely benefited a lot more than we did. Probably even swam there more than the owners did. They would go over there while MIL was at work in the afternoons/evenings. Finally my MIL had to tell them she didn’t want them there without us around anymore. It got to a point where one day my family had time to go to the pool and she texted me INVITING HERSELF AND KIDS over to swim. I had to tell her my husband wanted a day with just us and they could not come over. She was furious, mentioned something about her girls being super sad and disappointed and then didn’t talk to me for over a year.
Around Halloween time they showed up at a party we were hosting and she said she was sorry and how much she missed me blah blah. We went for a walk once together after that and really still didn’t talk too much. During that time we came across an opportunity to acquire some land and build a house next door to my in laws. We texted each other “hello” here and there but never hung out or anything. I’m not a really clingy person so it doesn’t really bother me to have acquaintances whom I just say Hey to every so often. We haven’t really spoken more than that though. We were on good terms and I looked forward to being neighbors.
After a good 18 months the house is finally finished and we moved in. WITHIN A MONTH she is getting ahold of me wanting to know if I would pick up her daughter from school one day. Our youngest both attend the same elementary school. I figure sure I’m already there picking up my son I don’t see why not. Then a few weeks later she was going out of town and wanted to know if I would go feed her dogs and take them out while she’s gone. I guess since I’m right across the street and not really busy with anything, sure. Then a few weeks ago, (during a major snow storm)she and her kids were going out of town again for the weekend. Again, she wanted to know if I would feed and take the dogs out and this time also feed the cats and clean their litter box.. kind of a pain in the ass but not too much of an issue. I wouldn’t the animals to suffer or anything.
Now, I’ve been in my new home for a total of 4 months. Other than her asking for these favors we haven’t talked much. Today, she calls me up and says, “hey I’ve got news for you” and I’m like “oh boy ok what is it?” She then says “I got a full time job.” And starts to talk about how she’s nervous and scared etc. since she’s been a stay at home mom mostly for 14 years.
Next thing I know, WITHOUT EVEN ACTUALLY ASKING ME, she proceeds to quiz me and assume I will start picking up her daughter everyday from school and dropping her off across the street with her teenage sister. I didn’t really catch on at first and said “so are you going to put C in the after school program?” And she says “well I don’t know, you are there everyday picking up S aren’t you?”
I start to get like zoned out at how upset I am that she just expects me to offer and take on this responsibility and commitment of caring for her child every day. I am seeing a very obvious pattern of favors and one sided relationships and quite frankly I just don’t want to commit to picking her kid up everyday.
So here’s the question: AITA if I say no to picking up her kid from school everyday and dropping her off at home? I have no excuse, I’m already at the school and I live next door but the fact that she didn’t even ask me and assumed I would take on this responsibility for her among other requests is just so outrageous to me. It’s not like we are close friends, that would be different. We barely speak on a regular basis.
TLDR; new neighbor assumed I would take responsibility for her child and pick her up from school everyday while picking up my own child. Keeps asking favors and taking advantage of me since I live next door. AITA for putting my foot down and saying no?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
8e04Sw08JqT8WKTmpcFFcsKCKHtZif9X
|
akwz4f
|
{
"description": "ruining my good friends chances with his ex for naming a girl we saw him cheating with at the bar",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for ruining my good friends chances with his ex for naming a girl we saw him cheating with at the bar?
|
A little background story: My buddy is a known serial cheater (we'll call him greg). Every relationship he's had has ended with them breaking up because he got caught cheating. So he started dating a new girl about 4-5 months ago. They were in the honeymoon phase meaning they were inseparable. So about 4 weeks ago me and another buddy were at our local watering hole and saw Greg walk into the bar with another chick that wasn't his girlfriend. When Greg saw us you could tell he was not expecting us to be there. He said hi to us had a couple drinks and then him and the girl he was with left. Me and the guy I was with didnt say anything because of "bro code" and just left it at that. Now fast forward to this last Saturday we were at a birthday party and Greg showed up to the party with just him and his daughter. I didnt ask why he wasn't with his girlfriend because she just started a new job and just thought maybe she was working or something. Now we're all friends on fb so the next day I messaged his girl and asked where she was and why we didnt see her last night. She said they broke up about 2 weeks ago because she caught him cheating. Now I admit this is where I fucked up and should have just left it at that but I asked her if he got caught with the girl that we saw him with at the bar 4 weeks prior. She had no clue who this other chick was and caught him with a totally different girl. I knew she would ask him about this other girl and shit went downhill from there. Me and Greg talked for a little bit yesterday and basically said I cant be trusted and he doesnt want to be friends anymore. We've been friends for 20 years so it kinda sucks that its come down to this and I do genuinely feel bad about "snitching" on him. I didnt know that they had broken up but apparently they were in the process of making up but after that revelation that I told his new girl he's been dating she broke it off for good. He's put a lot of our friends in these situations before where we see him cheating but we dont say anything. So AITA for "snitching" on him?
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AITA for refusing to accommodate my MIL?
|
So me and my son do a lot of trap/sporting clays/skeet/5 stand competitions. It is a big part of our life we go out and practice several times a week and do a lot of competitions on the weekend. It has been a huge bonding experience for the both of us and with our success in these various competitions we have made our hobby mostly free which is a nice added bonus.
With all that we have our different trophies hanging all over the house. Well this has become a huge problem for my MIL who HATES guns. So she has asked my wife if she would take the trophies down when she comes to visit so she doesn't have to "see constant reminders that she is in a very dangerous house".
My wife asked me about my thoughts on the request and I told her absolutely not. I told her that shooting is an important part of our life and that her irrational fear of it is her problem and that she has no say of what goes on our walls. And that if she doesn't like it she doesn't have to come over.
My wife is trying to convince me that it isn't worth the headache and to just do it for a couple days but I refuse to let someone force us to take down one of the most important aspects of our family for her own sake.
So am I the asshole for not just giving in and appeasing my MIL?
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alio6d
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AITA for ghosting this girl after a toxic text convo?
|
For context me and this girl were fwbs and also eventually had feelings for each other. We cut that out because of work, stress, and also because we both weren’t ready to be committed. We are NOT mutually exclusive. We remained “friends” at least untill this happened.
So me, her, and several visiting friends at our school went to a club sponsored party. This girl was one of the execs and was supposedly busy and bartending according to her words. When I first arrived, I said hi to her and chatted a little bit. Then I went inside the house and help introduce my friends to others there. About 20 minutes later, I walk over to check up on her but she was bartending so I went away. About another 20 minutes later, I went to talk to her again but she was taking to one of my other friends so I went on ahead and onto the dance floor. After dancing there I left to go get some beer and I asked her if she had any beer left. She looked at me with the most pissed off expression on her face and stormed off. I didn’t see her the rest of the night and the next day, I decided to ask her about last night. Although I was very drunk, I knew for a fact that I did not do anything even remotely sexual with her or anyone period.
This was her response:
https://imgur.com/a/1p7Y1DU
After this, I ghosted her and now will try to avoid any contact with her. I am livid because a) I’m not your boyfriend b) I did attempt to talk to you and you know that c) I was trying to have fun with friends I haven’t seen in weeks/months d) what kind of friend asks for “more attention”. But anyways, what do y’all think?
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AITA for buying amd using a vibrator when i was specifically told not to?
|
Long story short, not even allowed to install handheld shower head because any form of masturbation is considered cheating by my SO.
I have been talking for months about the lack of sex (zero) taking a toll on me. He doesn't like it when I come onto him, or touch him. No amount of asking nicely, begging, logically putting forth my case makes him budge. He has said ridiculous things like "I don't like it when you just touch my Weiner out of nowhere" when we are laying in bed. Today I purchased a vibrator at the grocery store no less.... Disposed of the packaging outside... Creeped it inside, hid it in the bathroom, and had a very VERY fulfilling bath. We are going to start counseling next week, I was just at a breaking point with no orgasm after 5 months... AITA?
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app9ix
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"description": "cutting off old high school friends who were apart of a group that talked behind my back",
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AITA for cutting off old high school friends who were apart of a group that talked behind my back
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This is my first time posting here, so I apologize for anything that’s wrong.
I’m sorry this is so long, I’ll place a tl;dr at the end
In year 12 I was apart of a friendship group that was made up of 12 girls. (Haha 12 girls for year 12). We weren’t all that close as we friendship groups that kind of joined together after a lot of people left my high school. In that group, I had 2 girls who I considered my best friends since we were good friends since year 7. At the beginning of year 12 we all got along swimmingly but as we got into the exam period it got more and tenser and a lot of people’s true colors showed up (mine included).
So, it all started with a girl I’ll call TL. She was quite pretty and had long gorgeous hair. It was her pride and joy. Me and TL had a weird history of being friends and not being friends. We never quite clicked (despite the both of us going to the same primary school together) and it was the case of when we good we were very, very good and when we were bad we were horrid. And in year 12 we were horrid.
I’m not quite sure what had gotten me so heated with TL that day, but we were throwing underhand jabs at each other in legal studies which carried out into recess. At one-point, TL stated that she wanted to be a model, specifically a hair shampoo model which I had bluntly replied: “Don’t you have to be pretty to be a shampoo model?” (I know, that was unnecessary and cruel but I was angry and I saw an opening and took it). A few girls giggled and I threw her a superficial apology and forgot all about it.
TL did not. My offhanded jab at her lead her to create a separate messenger group which was dedicated to her listing all my flaws such as that I was fat, my hair was too thin, my skirt was too short, and that people liked me so I could give them notes for the classes I was in (ouch but true). This side messenger group included my two best friends as well. They created events which they didn’t invite me to, and only told me after it was over with excuses like ‘oh we didn’t think you’ll like it.’ I’m sure TL had great pleasure in seeing me attempt to cover up my frustrations about being left out but I never really said much about it. After a few of these exclusions, I spent a lot of time in the library, studying or chatting with the librarians who took me under their wing and helped me find textbooks for my classes.
By the end of term 3 and with HSC looming overhead I thought TL had forgotten the whole ordeal but, alas, she had not. She created formal get together for the girls to buy dresses and hired a limo for the girls to go in for formal. All these small things hurt but it didn’t really hurt as my two best friends going along with it and then later pulling me aside one day and unloading everything on me all at once. They showed me screenshots of the secret group chat and the circle jerks of TL and her close friends talking about me. It was a cold and hard reality check.
So high school comes and goes, and I get into the university of my dreams and I make a wonderful new group of friends. As time passed, I look back critically at my high school experience and realize I am not faultless (with my mouth I definitely unconsciously ruffled a few feathers) in my exclusion from the group but my best friends, as well as the other girls who were neutral, were not faultless either.
I unfriended everyone in that group including my best friends and put my best foot forward. And for a time, I was content with my decision. But then one day a girl who I’ll call FH, used to go to my old high school and I befriended bought up my ex-friends. She told me they told her that they were hurt by my sudden decision to cut them off and that they believed I was taking out my inability to get over high school drama out on them. I told her that I wanted a fresh start. My ex best friends and the other girls were still friends with TL. They still went on outings and had meet-ups with her and her friends. I didn’t want anything to do with that anymore. This back and forth went on for a while before FH told me that all my friends thought I was a bitch who couldn’t get over some petty high school drama. To tell you guys the truth, this drama really fucked me up. I went to therapy for some time and even now with my close uni friends, I struggle to trust everything they say to face value. I’m just waiting for the bomb to drop that they never like me and they befriended me because they felt sorry for me.
I was content with my decision to cut them off before but now I’m not sure. I feel like I should have said something or done something else.
TL;DR I cut off old high school friends who are still friends with a group of girls who excluded me and talked behind my back for a year.
Am I the asshole? Because I’m beginning to feel like one.
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AITA for completely ignoring my friend over a video game?
|
i am 18 and my friend gabe keeps messages me saying stuff like "Oh fu\*k you man you lost that haha" after me and him play red dead redemption and try to see who can kill the most zombies (Undead nightmare) and i keep loosing due to my (volcanic) pistol not having enough ammo and he wont share, So im playing with him and then i miss the shot and completely fu\*k up and after that he laughs at me and bullies me and he is my best friend since high school but im just wondering, AITA? because he just tries to bully me just because i lose. so yeah im asking if maybe AITA for ghosting him and ignoring him over this?
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WIBTA If i dont let my ex take our son on holiday with a stranger?
|
This is my sisters story she isnt on reddit.
Context: Just after new years my sisters fiance, who she'd been with for 10 years and has two children with, dumped her by text. He sees his kids for an hour a week, but he has missed this numerous times, once because he didn't set his alarm, another time because he was hungover and most recently he just forgot. He has given her £200 in child support since he left.
Yesterday, he (ex) texted my sister (J) saying that he wants to take their oldest son (Ja who is six) on holiday:
Ex: I've booked 6 nights in (holiday park) in April and i want to take Ja. I've already booked it.
J: You should talk to me regarding taking him anywhere before booking really ex. Just let me check his holiday dates. Do you think for the first time taking him away, four days might not be a bit much for him?
Ex:If you cant be reasonable then i'm gonna go down another route to get what i want because i'm his dad i'm allowed to have joint responsibility.
J: I've told you i'll check his dates. You know you can see the boys whenever you want, and i've said you can have them overnight at your place, and i even asked you the other night if you could call more regularly so he can speak to you.
Ex: That message sounds like you think you're doing me a favour. I think i'm gonna go to court after this cause i'm not having this. I pay you enough i deserve to take them where i want.
My sister asked Ja how he'd feel about going on holiday just with daddy and he seemed ok with it as long as he can call his mom every day. So fine, but then this happens:
Ex: I wanna tell you that i'm with someone now and we live together. Were buying a house together next year. I thought you should know before the boys meet her.
J: Ok, is she going on holiday with you?
Ex: Yeah
J: Ask yourself how you would feel if i wanted to take our kids away on holiday with someone i've only known for a few months at most and you've never met. I'm not trying to argue, but i feel like we should talk about things like this. When i start dating again the boys wont be meeting who i'm with for a while, and i would introduce you to make sure you're ok with who i'm having around them, all i want is for you to show me the same respect.
Now my sister is really anxious about what to do. She's never met this person before, neither have the kids, and because the holiday is booked for April there isn't much time for her to vet them and make sure they arent secretly Casey Anthony. He has agreed to let her meet this person one time but that's it. My sister is worried that if she says no he'll take her to court and paint her as an evil ex who doesn't want him to see the kids. But she's more worried about this stranger being around her child.
WIBTA if she doesnt let her son go?
TL'DR: Sisters ex wants to take 6 year old son on holiday with someone he's only known for a few months, and who my sister and her son has never met.
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AITA for deciding to never get my boss lunch again?
|
So I work in construction, at a small office that is family owned. There's my boss, his wife, and three other employees besides myself. We usually all eat lunch together, with either my coworker or myself running and grabbing food. I don't mind doing this, although I do enjoy lunch to myself from time to time. When we all eat together we normally sit there and talk about work, which I like to get away from for an hour a day. Before I started working here about 5 months ago, I would always go off by myself at lunchtime and decompress. When I realized that these people all like to eat together in the office I was initially bummed. I didn't want to be the asshole who always goes off and eats alone. So I've sucked it up and normally eat with my boss, his wife, and coworkers.
​
Yesterday we decided to order food from a popular Mexican restaurant. I decided I would just add my boss's food to my order and he could pay me with cash. I had never ordered his food from this restaurant before, normally it's my coworker who adds his food onto her order. I decided to be nice and offer to. He told me what he wanted, with my coworker adding that he wants cheese on his tacos. I added his two shrimp tacos with a small queso to my order. It was about $14 in total. I go get the food, bring it back, and set it out for us to eat. My boss sits down and starts to unwrap his food and says "Ugh, why is all this crap on my tacos?" I look over and tell him he did not tell me anything specific that he did not want on his tacos, so I just made sure there was cheese. He then opens his queso and also complains about the guacamole in it. I just look at him and tell him that he should have told me specifically what he didn't want in his food and that I was sorry it was messed up. We continue to eat, and later I remind his that he owes me $14.
​
This fool looks at me and says "but my food was messed up, I shouldn't have to pay you. I think this is a good lesson for you to learn to check your work." ARE YOU SERIOUS. He was the one who didn't make sure to tell me what he did and didn't want on his food! I offered to add his food to my order when I didn't have to AND went and picked it up. He NEVER goes and gets his own lunch, it's usually always me who does! I don't think the man even knows how to order for himself to be honest. I told him that his food being messed up and him refusing to pay me is an awful way for him to "teach me a lesson" as he put it, and that he should have made sure his food was correct if he was so damn worried about it. I told him that I won't be getting his food again unless he pays me first. He then told me that he gave me a good Christmas bonus and that I basically should not be complaining. This man is a millionaire. $15 to him is nothing, while to me it's half my internet bill. He really feels justified in this and it makes me realize how truly arrogant and condescending he is. He did give me a good Christmas bonus, which I appreciated and thanked him many times for, but what does that have to do with this situation? Nothing! I know I still have a lot to learn in this industry and that I do fuck up from time to time, but I didn't have to make sure he got food, like I do every damn day almost. I COULD be the bitch who refuses and goes off by herself, which there is NOTHING wrong with, but I still don't.
​
He then said "I wonder how many people would take your side and how many would take mine?" So Reddit, AITA for deciding to never again go get his ass lunch? Let him fend for himself for once so he can't bitch at me and not pay me when his food is wrong because he didn't TELL ME what he didn't want on it? I just can't believe that he was trying to turn it into some type of weird "lesson" about checking my work (which by the way, he's basing off the ONE time I didn't go back through and catch a mistake, which yes, was completely my fault.) I'm pissed and don't even want to be around him. Unfortunately I have to and can't figure out how to let this go.
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ay71rd
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AITA for thinking my friend needs grow up?
|
Okay so a little backstory, I met this friend of mine when I was 14 years old (I am 17 now) and he would always say he is 7 years old, much younger than he actually was. He would keep on lying about his personal life like having 2 siblings when in reality he is an only child. I don't judge him for lying, he probably felt lonely and wanted to fit in with everyone else, but about a couple months later I found out that he has been taking inappropriate pictures of strangers at the park, train, toilets, and changing rooms. I honestly thought he was innocent due to the child-like vibe he had, it shattered me since he would always act like he knew nothing about sex and any adult "stuff". Well after I found out about that I kept some distance from him but just a couple months back we reconnected and I can tell he has matured. He is 18 now yet still mentions how he is "going through childhood" and I keep mentioning he is legally an adult and should not be keeping the mindset of a child, yet he likes to think he is not mature and he does not want to be an adult. I know he can be mature at times due to some situations where he got angry and handled situations like an adult, but he keeps avoiding personal conversations and just talks about childish stuff. If I don't spend a day playing a game with him he gets grumpy and holds a grudge against me until I make it up. When I decide to talk about my own personal problems he replies with dry responses then goes right back to what he was doing, and a majority of the time (which is always) his top priorities are his games. TBH it's not even fun games, he just rotates games from hour to hour and does not want to do anything else but play. He isn't sick in the head or anything, he just truly believes he is still in his childhood phase when we all know (including himself) that he is an adult. He is a really good friend and I love him but it has gotten to the point where it is boring to talk to him since he avoids me when he gets criticized for not acting his age. Once again, in no way am I implying him to stop doing what he loves, if that's watching cartoons or playing games, it is the fact that he really believes he is a child and it has gotten too much at this point.
Am I the asshole for thinking he needs to grow up?
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|
AITA For not feeling sorry for my sister's (26yo) life falling apart?
|
I've been having an internal strife deciding whether or not I am being a cold-hearted asshole. So my sister is by no means an angel, but she is family. Her life has been becoming harder and harder these past few months (roughly starting 24 months ago). She broke up with her boyfriend of 8 years, because of her hooking up with a student (high school teacher at the time). She is now dating this student that is 6 years her junior.
​
Since this change has happened, she started blaming her ex for her compulsively buying clothes, and wasting money on fast food and subsequently gaining a lot of weight. This has racked up quite a few bills, as most of these purchases were on credit despite teachers in our country making a really good living. She quit her job at teaching by not showing up. She was fired and blamed it on her ex because he 'forced her into becoming a teacher'.
​
She bought a brand new car when she started teaching, these payments were easy to make when she was teaching. Now she expects my father to pay for it, as well as help her with gas money and paying off her debt. My dad is a big softie and is paying for this, slowly but surely. This has my mother pretty upset, however my father told me that he cannot say no to his kids.
​
She has recently gotten pregnant with her new boyfriend, the student, and is deciding on keeping the child. Her boyfriend is jobless, and has no drive to get a job. She is basically a single mother in this, and expects my mother to babysit and raise her kid when she goes off to work. This has my mom upset, but she agreed that there is no real option outside of it. The bills for the checkups are all coming from my father's pocket.
​
Now, why I don't feel bad is because she has sexually assaulted me when I was a kid (This has made it near impossible to interact with any girl lmao), her ex boyfriend really loved her and worked really damn hard to procure them a great future, and she has been lying and leeching from my parents because of her bad decisions. Reddit, am I the asshole here?
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"description": "critiquing my mother's parenting style in front of her kids",
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|
AITA for critiquing my mother's parenting style in front of her kids
|
So, some context. This happened a few days ago. I moved out of my parent's house when I was sixteen. It was a toxic environment, and while I was certainly contributing to that, it was taking its toll on my mental health. My mom and I had regular arguments that always went too far, and my dad and I would get into physical altercations that often left me injured. I tried to kill myself twice and ran away once by the age of fifteen. As a result, I had a very strained relationship with both of my parents.
Many years have passed, and I've been able to forgive my dad, which was the hardest step for me to take. He and I have matured a great deal since then, and we get along quite well now. But my mom and I lost touch. I rarely see her, and when I do it's always in a bad situation. The last time I saw her, I cracked.
I walked into the house to drop off my old violin for my sister, who has been struggling with self-harming and needed a healthy outlet/hobby. Upon arriving, I found my mom yelling at this sister for not eating her dinner - which happens on rare occasion. My mom started saying that if my sister didn't eat, she was going to get more depressed and kill herself. Keep the self-harming tendencies of this kid in mind. She then started yelling at another one of my sisters for eating too much. She said that this would result in the second sister getting "fat and ugly like [my mom]". Her words. This second sister has diabetes and seriously struggles with her body image and sense of self-worth. Finally, my mom started yelling at one of my younger brothers (eight or so years old) who had mistakenly dialed 911 on what he believed to be an old phone with no service. She told him that he wasted the police's time, and, as a result, if someone was having a heart-attack called 911 that they would die and it would be his fault.
I understood in each of these cases where my mom was coming from, to a degree. But I felt she took things way too far. And it reminded me of the stress that similar drama has caused me as a kid. So I started yelling at my mom. I told her it was abusive to try and teach her kids through trauma and dramatization. I feel it was wrong of me to tell her that by yelling, and more wrong to do it in front of the kids. But was it? I honestly don't know how to make that house healthier, or if I am even responsible for making it better. When there are no good options, would it have been better to have done nothing or to have confronted her like I did?
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"description": "being upset at my ex",
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|
AITA for being upset at my ex?
|
This girl and I dated for around a month, and we became quite close very quickly. We broke up amicably (we both are dealing with mental health issues and just couldn’t do it) and while it hurt, I wasn’t upset at her or anything.
That was around 2 weeks ago. We agreed that it would be busy to be friends but we haven’t spoken since we broke up. Earlier today she sent me a text saying that she didn’t appreciate me inviting her friends to smoke and drink with me, and that it hurts inviting her two close friends to do that.
Last week, I invited one of our mutual friends, and then another (knowing they didn’t smoke or drink) and of course was not going to force anyone to do anything. That is something I am very cognizant of, as the last thing I would want is to have someone feel pressured into doing something.
I called her explaining that
1. I wasn’t responsible for their actions but I respect how she is feeling and won’t in the future,
and
2. It’s feels kinda shitty that we don’t talk at all and she just sends this to me out of the blue
I asked her if she was mad at me and she said “No, I just don’t have anything to say to you right now”
I hung up, but I feel really angry because I believe that when you value your relationship with someone, you fuckin solve shit that comes up. So when she sends this to me out of the blue, I call her and let her know that this feels kind of unfair and she responds by shutting down the conversation saying “I don’t have anything else to say right now”, she is not only holding me accountable for actions that aren’t my own, but won’t even talk to me about it.
Am I justified feeling angry at this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 2
}
|
INFO
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
JR02GrMMY7iCPfJztjjFHSTczUrK5bie
|
ai8o3p
|
{
"description": "continuing to workout while a homeless person is trying to sleep inside my gym",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for continuing to workout while a homeless person is trying to sleep inside my gym?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
|
dD4An1331BCG450aXh5k5p2qyjJe29iF
|
b5fun6
|
{
"description": "driving to work when I could easily take the train",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for driving to work when I could easily take the train?
|
Up until around January this year I would commute via train, but have recently started driving instead because it actually works out cheaper for me per month. If you're wondering how that's possible, the car is my girlfriend's mum's old car that she gave to me for free when she got a new one. My girlfriend and I (who currently live separately) split the tax and insurance cost and, since she cant drive, I keep the car at my place but give her lifts whenever she needs them.
If you're wondering why the train is so expensive, the answer is... Northern Rail. Brits will understand.
Back when I commuted via train, I would often see my Dad on the other platform as my train passed through. We'd wave and text each other good morning, but of course that stopped when I started driving.
Now, it's important to note that my Dad is a hardcore environmentalist. The sort who keeps a graph of how much power his solar panels are generating, and has this uncanny sixth-sense that tingles whenever someone touches the thermostat. He also tries to drive as little as possible, and cycles to work most of the time.
Anyway, we were talking on the phone a while back and he asks me why he hardly ever sees me on the train anymore. I tell him that, since a monthly season ticket costs me nearly £140, I'm saving about £50 a month driving instead. He then goes off on a Dad-rant about me killing the planet, killing polar bears, melting the ocean caps, etc... which made me feel bad because I do genuinely care about the environment. It's just that money is a LOT tighter for me than it is for him, and that £50 a month really makes a difference. I tell him that I'm paycheck to paycheck and don't have an emergency fund, or any savings for that matter. He tells me that if I ever find myself in financial trouble, I can always count on him and Mum for support. I say I appreciate it but would much rather be financially independent. He grudgingly concedes, but now every time we speak he (jokingly) drops names like polar bear killer and, worst of all (in his eyes), Clarkson.
I know he's not being malicious or anything... just gently pressuring me to use the train again. But it's been going on long enough that I'm starting to feel genuinely bad for the effect my commute has on the atmosphere, especially when a cleaner option is right there... albeit a more expensive one.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
VMrnEk2Dytdf5CLl5HkAmGS59V5H6agQ
|
b9e0rc
|
{
"description": "asking a woman to stop blowing her nose",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 21
}
|
AITA for asking a woman to stop blowing her nose
|
So a little backstory: I know it’s really weird, so please don’t judge me, it’s not something I can control. But hearing and seeing people blow their nose makes me sick. Like physically vomit. I have no clue why. For reference, I can’t blow my nose since I got my tonsils out at 5 years old.
So I was at a university lecture and the girl in front of me started blowing her nose. No big deal, usually for me I just ignore, take a drink of water and I’m fine. But she blew her nose for like 30 seconds. Then she blew it again. For another 30 seconds. My friend told me that my face was green and asked if I was ok. I said i was fine but then the girl started blowing her nose again and as I was on the verge of throwing up in the middle of a lecture in the middle of a full row with a room of 100 people so I politely tapped the girl on the shoulder and asked if she could stop blowing her nose. She did without saying anything but did it very huffy puffy like. She rolled her eyes and whispered something in her friends ear and then they both kind of did that judgey thing where they both turn around and stare at u like ‘how dare you be an asshole’
So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 20,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 21
}
|
WRONG
|
jxA6HXmUfSNUvsE7vICKNvVnIOmynle1
|
anjohl
|
{
"description": "crossing thru someone back yard with permission",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for crossing thru someone back yard with permission
|
So when I was 14 i had to cross thru 2 backyards to get school and both the yards owners knew I did it and i have had no problems with the first house closet to my house and they have talked to me while i was walking thru the yard but the second yard that is the closest to my school is the one i have problems with the owner does not care but it is the neighbor.
i used to cross thru the neighbors yard in when i was 13 but the then he told me to stop so i did and he built a fence but then all of a sudden on a cold winter afternoon after school on my way home i see him waiting outside his house by the side and think nothing of it until he starts talking to me this is have the conversation went M= me N= Neighbor.
N: you can't go thru his yard
M: why not i have don't do anything to harm his back yard
N: it is private properties
M: have to the owner, well the person i think is the owner
N: it is still private properties, and who are you talking about the person in the red van \*points to red van at the side of the street\*
M: is he the person that smokes
N: \*ignores me\* so you have not spoken to the owner
M: yes i have and he does not care i have seen him more then once and i have asked him if he minded at this point i walked away after waiting for him to respond
he has installed cameras and has not waits for me at the side of his house and even waiting for me in his backyard on his porch i have started ignoring him and just walking thru.
sorry for the long post and sorry if i did not do this right as it is my first post
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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