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xQKKPIjJB9SR0j2vJWppEwPg3p5rtWHL
|
aktvh6
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{
"description": "getting mad I wasn't invited to a birthday party",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for getting mad I wasn't invited to a birthday party
|
I know this is a cliche and petty sounding basis of a story which, taken at face value, may have an obvious answer but I think you need to hear me out. The context is imperative to account for in this scenario.
​
So this girl and I were in the same friends group for about 3 years. We'd hang out every break and lunch and whatever lessons we had in common as I did with everyone in that group. Eventually we graduated secondary school and I went to a different sixth form (another friend, let's call him "Ricky", also went to a different sixth form in an entirely different city). We didn't speak for just under a year but I spoke with a lot of mutual friends in that same friendship group. Because of said mutual friends, I heard about a group chat she created and it transpired she was hosting a party I was unaware of. I subsequently brought it up in a conversation with friends and the people I brought it up to expected me to going but I never was. I was under the assumption that this was a reunion (with a lot of reason to believe so, don't question how I was so sure, there's a lot to it) that had literally every person in our circle of friends going excluding me, even Ricky went!
​
I never received any direct contact from her explaining her decision, despite the fact the she obviously knew I would find out (again, don't question me on that bit, just gotta trust me on it). I would have expected at least a notification of the gathering out of respect or just a little something to make it not seem like such an obvious direct insult.
​
I messaged her about it in passing (we were having a rare unrelated conversation and I brought it up) and she was very unapologetic about the whole situation. She did however clarify that it was for her birthday party and not a reunion and after a ridiculously long conversation, we just stopped speaking (I literally said "goodbye forever and good luck in the future"). She occasionally messaged me on special occasions like after my interview at Cambridge, birthday and A-Level results. I think they were out of regret of her past mistakes. We've not had a proper conversation since and it's now 2 years after the incident.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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|
aryn5a
|
{
"description": "not being supportive of my gf",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not being supportive of my gf?
|
A while ago, their semester ended, and there was a talk about an overseas vacation, coincidentally to where my girlfriend is from (the country in general, not the exact place. Gf has not been there either). From the first time I heard of this, I told her that while I obviously couldn't stop her from going, I wasn't really comfortable with that notion. It didn't matter though, I said, that based on my experiences in the past, these kind of trips are mostly just talk. We're from a place and at an age where most students (17-19yo) either won't have the money, didn't have the permission, or ultimately no one would take the initiative to plan it and thus trips such as these almost always didn't happen. (The culture where I'm from is like that.)
Well, with what seemed to be an act to prove me wrong, my girlfriend took it upon herself to plan, buys the tickets, etc. This, coupled with the fact that she is from the place, effectively made her the one in charge of the trip in everyone's eyes. This obviously also made me feel terrible, because she spends no where near the amount of effort planning time between us.
Now, few days before the trip, she starts to become overwhelmed by everyone else's lack of involvement in said planning. She starts to complain to me about how everyone is treating her as the tour guide and how she has to do everything and how she regrets agreeing to go with them. I force a smile and try my damnedest not to tell her I told her so. Couldn't do it. I mean, from my point of view, she forced a trip that in my opinion wouldn't have happened otherwise, in an effort to prove me wrong, to somewhere they have never been before, to a relatively more dangerous country in terms of crime rate as a small group of teenagers unsupervised. This is my biased opinion. I'm a pretty anxious person, so if she was going to go regardless, the least I felt she could do was to not constantly reminding me of it when we are spending time together.
Tldr: Should I have been more supportive of the situation she's in? Am I the asshole who is just jealous that she's spending more time with her friends?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
eLHaMqKGiVufUXcVWA6t1Vc69SEhrltj
|
a06vp7
|
{
"description": "trying to have my ex forgive and forget three years ago so I can comfortably go back to my hometown",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
Aita for trying to have my ex forgive and forget three years ago so I can comfortably go back to my hometown
|
I’m a 17(m) and I dated this on and off for years when I was 15 to 16. We ended the relationship in the end because of some personal problems that were happening to me and it affected her in the end which I felt awful about. Because of the personal problems I faced I moved in with my uncle to another state to deal with them. Now after 6 months of being up there and 18 months of not even talking to me, she starts spreading stuff and saying stuff about me behind my back when I came down to visit for the summer. After summer ended I went back home kinda hating her even though I didn’t want to. So now present day I recently I texted to kinda talk it out and she still bears that grudge. Aith in this situation???
|
HISTORICAL
|
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INFO
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{
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WRONG
|
U0RFdJjFJCriHfLY8Kcvn3JVlZk08Yab
|
b13hvf
|
{
"description": "not wanting my roommate to put furry art on the living room walls",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my roommate to put furry art on the living room walls?
|
I’m a guy, I live with two women, we’re all in our mid-late 20s. The overall theme of the decor is mid-century modern.
One of my roommates, let’s call her Zee, is a **very** proud furry. I have nothing against furries. I find the whole concept strange but ultimately it harms no one, and as a gay man, who am I to judge for someone being different? I’m glad she’s not ashamed of herself.
When I moved in, there was very little artwork or an overall design theme. In the half year since, it now looks mid-century modern. Both of my roommates love how it looks, and i do too. Zee decorated the bathroom. She chose a Disney theme, it actually looks pretty nice (it’s not cartoonish or childish and it flows together nicely).
Anyway, Zee said she wants to put up some art of her own. That’s fine. Then I saw what she wanted to put up. It’s furry art. It isn’t pornographic, but the art looks...you ever come across fan art on DeviantArt? Yeah. It looks like that. Imagine the Sonic “nothing personell” art style. I’m not exaggerating, it’s really that bad looking.
I’m throwing a big birthday party in a couple weeks and I’m mortified that the only thing people will talk about is the shitty furry art. I 100% guarantee if I ask her not to put the artwork up she’ll accuse me of being bigoted and that I’m attacking her, she’s very sensitive and dislikes being criticized in anyway. Being a furry is like, **the** most important thing to her identity, so she’d feel like I’m attacking her character.
Am I the asshole for not wanting furry artwork on the living room walls? I have a bunch of pride stuff that I only hang in my room because that’s my private room, so it’s not like I’m asking her to not do something that I am doing myself.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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RIGHT
|
wHJzL7WR3cDxlW0hRfKy8hkNn94TSISy
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b68xeu
|
{
"description": "leaving my friend in the rain when I had an umbrella",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for leaving my friend in the rain when I had an umbrella?
|
So two of my friends had to go get lunch from one of their moms. But it started raining on the way there and it was pouring down hard. So one of my friends, “Joe”, straight up left the other one to get the lunch. Joe had an umbrella while the other friend did not. So he got soaked while getting the food and Joe still just took the lunch. He believes that he was in the right cuz he was tired. Is he the asshole for leaving his friend in the rain?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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INFO
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{
"RIGHT": 0,
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|
WRONG
|
WMwsG1qFdqs59NOihjhVY2ABOQ802qAQ
|
b407fv
|
{
"description": "letting a normal customer call me by the wrong name for over the years",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for letting a normal customer call me by the wrong name for over the years?
|
I work at a family owned independent ship center/ p.o box rental place. Let's just say my name is Jason. A boxholder that we have thinks my name is Troy, even though he called me Jason for the first year. I left to Florida for 3 months. When I came back, he, for some reason, called me Troy. I never corrected him, and he still calls me Troy.
It's actually became an inside joke with my family, since I'm obviously not going to correct him.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
XfhNIrSeogHQJ4DpaxpLKuEW3DQe9UnP
|
b1gcop
|
{
"description": "wanting to go to graduate school and asking MY parents to cover payments",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA FOR WANTING TO GO TO GRADUATE SCHOOL AND ASKING MY PARENTS TO COVER PAYMENTS
|
Real short and simple
The norm in my country is that the parents are obliged to send you off to college (you dont really work or acquire student loans because your parents cover everything from boarding house to daily expenses)
I've graduated from college at the age of 21 Im 23 now and in my second year in graduate school. But suddenly I realized that my father is going to be 57 years old and my mother is going to be 55 this year Im eternally grateful for both of them I don't think my sibling and I would survive without my parents.
My dilemma is I've already graduated college. I haven't started anything in life yet. I wanna give back to my parents so badly. Yes it is easy to say that I'll give back to them when Im finished with my studies. But I know that me taking graduate program is a heavy burden on them. They might not admit it but I know it is.
Graduate program is kinda like Masteral or Doctoral
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
RIGHT
|
eilJLx3M15N6tSu6V4hGcev4kIiohNsV
|
a142m6
|
{
"description": "pursuing legal action against my ex",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for pursuing legal action against my ex
|
This is kind of a long story. My ex and I split up at the beginning of the year on not great terms. At the time we had been living together for about six months and in the time we lived together problems in our respective personal lives had caused our relationship to break down pretty badly. We were both struggling with our mental health but they were a lot less receptive to communication than I felt I was, and we had a couple of near splits before finally calling it, partly because his feelings had obviously changed and I (somewhat unfairly? at the time) suspected they might be cheating. In that time they had gotten close with someone new, who made me feel uneasy but I wanted to be supportive so I encouraged their friendship thinking it might be nice for them to have a support system outside of our very much shared friend group. At the time most of our friends were supportive of us individually but agreed our relationship had become toxic and wasn't good for either of us to stay together. While I am closer with most of our friends in terms of regular contact and hanging out, he has a longer history with two of them, and those two tend to hold the sway in terms of the group mindset.
When we split up it was agreed that I would move out of our (shared with a roommate) apartment at least for a month, with the option to come back if I struggled to find a place to rent that I could afford within the month. I temporarily moved in with a friend until I could find a new place to live, but at the same time that my ex had immediately moved on with the new "friend" that had made me feel uncomfortable. I was pissed, especially when I asked him about it and he lied to my face several times, but I forgave him because I knew he was still going through a lot. The utilities for our apartment were in my name and so we had to stay in some level of contact to deal with that, as well as the fact that I didn't move all of my stuff out since he had said I could always move back in for a bit if I couldn't a place right away. I ended up ruling that out because of the new relationship, but because I was living on a couch at the time I didn't bother changing the utilities or moving out the other stuff. By the time I'd found a new place (about four months after our break up) both him and our roommate started making their utilities payments late, and I ended up having to cancel the cable, internet and phone (something that wasn't a big deal at the time) and then deal with moving my stuff out. Because we'd bought furniture together but my new place was pre-furnished we agreed that my ex would just pay me back for the furniture I had paid for, and that they'd give me my security deposit back now that all my stuff was out, something I thought was reasonable at the time.
This is where it gets tricky because right as I moved into my new place and they agreed to pay me what we both thought was fair from what I'd spent on our old apartment, he went on medical leave for a workplace injury. I felt guilty asking for my money all at once and suggested he pay me back gradually so as not to overstretch himself when he couldn't work. We didn't have great communication at the time, but I felt like we had a healthy enough respect for one another that I didn't want to risk damaging a future relationship. Things have pretty much gone downhill now though, because he split up the person he functionally broke up with me for and ended up moving an hour away to take a new job. I also found out that my suspicions of cheating were in fact correct and that he cheated on me with one of our good, shared friends, something I had to find out from her over a year after the fact. I got upset and called him out on taking advantage of me and haven't talked to him since (about two months ago). But now that he's back at work, I decided to ask about what the plan was to pay me back. That was when he cut off all contact, stopped responding and blocked me on Facebook. I have no way other than email to get ahold of him, and no current address because I found out he moved while we weren't speaking (and sold the furniture we bought together)
tl;dr my ex and I have had a rocky relationship over the last year. He had a serious health problem and I didn't press him for money but it's been ten months since I moved out and he owes me money for a security deposit and furniture we bought together. I have no way to get ahold of him because he blocked me when I started asking about the money. My friends say I should just let it go because he's had a hard time, and they're all still friends with him, and hang out with him without me (this was originally a mutual decision). They accused me of just being angry since I recently found out he had cheated on me with one of our friends (which I am but like.... duh). He still owes me around $1000. Am I the asshole for considering suing so I can get my money back?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
CZ4HEeDYPLtBIFmhWtKqs5zXqJ2FCrSC
|
a8j11x
|
{
"description": "cutting my friend off",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting my friend off?
|
AITA
First off obligatory, I'm a lurker on Reddit, not really a poster so I hope I'm following all the rules.
Second, I got the nerve to write this after seeing all the posts lamenting posts seeking validation on here.
This story likely has two assholes me (27), him (29) but maybe it's just me, where I'm mostly concerned and wondering if I am, in fact, the asshole is with the very last step: Where I cut my friend off and stopped trying. I'll tell it as simply as I can.
This summer I fell into a very deep depression after a bad breakup, which led to a quickly deteriorating relationship with my parents (they liked her more than me and me more when I was with her), and this put a huge strain on me and my job suffered. I hadn't had a roommate in the better part of a decade but I was doing so poorly on my own that I knew I was only looking for one more excuse to commit suicide. Depression has been a part of my life since I was 12 but I'd always been able to cope, up until this summer. I was high most days/nights and developed an issue with painkillers and alcohol. My friend of about 6 months had quickly become one of my best friends and always found an excuse to ask me to move in with him long before all this went down - his motivation was self-admitted as saving on rent money and the fact that this was his first time living alone and didn't like it, also friendship. Me (introvert), him (extrovert).
I took him up on the offer one day, explained to him my reason why was that I was afraid to be alone and my lease was up in 3 months anyway. His landlord didn't give a rip about leases and signing papers (another conversation for another day) and that meant everyone was fine with me living there for as long as I needed/wanted. Where things get complicated is with my buddies arrangement he said clearly I would owe no rent on the months I was still paying my old rent. I'd cover all the utilities for those months and generally, he'd just be a good dude. For my old apartment, I was still on the hook for 3 months rent, unless someone started a new lease with them. It would be a per diem kind of thing...1,000/m is $33/day so if someone took over on the 15th of the last month, that would be $500 back to me. Someone did take over on the 23rd of the second month ($231 back to me). I paid rent full rent to my friend on the 3rd month. I did not give him the $231 as I probably should have, reason being was my suffering career which was 100% commission (tag [r/choosingbeggers](https://www.reddit.com/r/choosingbeggers)) and I did cover all the utilities for the first two months, we went 50/50 on everything after that.
Two months go by. I'm stoned and drunk most nights, I'm making just enough money to pay my bills, eat ramen, and go to therapy for the first time. Never been this kind of broke. I'm not at all better and wouldn't be for several months. My priest, friend, and trusty counsel-giver suggests education and seminary. Says he doesn't care if I become a religious or not and suggests I use this as a way to get a free education, find a new lease on life, and pursue a living that actually means something to me. After a month of deliberation, I took him up on it. I actually get excited again, like really excited, like watched a sunrise and smiled while sipping coffee kind of excited.
I tell my roommate, and first words out of his mouth is "moocher" he immediately says I won't make it and shouldn't do it. I was shocked. I explained that I was open to the religious life but also not expecting it and the diocese knew that, they were just willing to take a chance on me and so I would take a chance on them. I explained that if this didn't work out, the education would still afford me a better, more fulfilling life than I had been living before and I saw this as a way out of my depression and into better living. At this point, he demanded the full second month's rent, which I did not pay and was already 2 months ago, and began wanting rent on a weekly basis. I did pay the rent weekly but told him no on the second months rent as that was already long since spent and couldn't do back payments like that.
Every single day he tells me I won't make it in school. Every day I tell him I don't care, I'm trying. I begin to cut him out as just one more negative voice in my head.
Some time goes by, he wants all new tires for his truck. He was going to trade labor to the guy for about a quarter of the cost. Me, being the genius that I am just got a new credit card with an introductory $150 bonus if I spent $500 or more in three months, my 400 IQ continues to kick in and I tell him to put it on my card and I'll give him $50 of it. $840 goes onto the credit card. He pays back $400. I go to school. He gives me two post-dated checks for the remaining $480 spread out over one month. I had no problem with this.
He cancels both checks a week after I leave and says he'll Venmo me the money when he's ready. I text him once a week for two months, he always says he'll send it next week or next pay period. After 8 weeks of this I give up. This whole time he's been making about 3X as much as me with similar bills. I apply the $150 to the bill and donate plasma to pay off the rest. 18 credits and 15hrs/week of service work, an actual job wasn't practical, wise, or actually allowed.
He continues to text me periodically, condescending remarks like "making lots of friends?" "Did you remember your lunch?". If this doesn't sound condescending, just trust that I know his humor.
Even when the texts got nicer, I stopped responding and the friendship is over with me feeling like he stuck me with a credit card debt I had no good way of repaying and a whole lot of negative feedback from a friend who was supposed to have my back.
TL;DR: Friend helped me out with a place to stay as I recovered from depression. Education was offered to me as a means to a new lease on life and I accepted the offer. The friend gave me daily negative feedback on my decision to the point that I had already begun to shut him out before leaving. He left me with credit card debt and negativity and so I cut him out.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
3kO9Jwt3GB75Emb4JWpmYv6bzNALyL8V
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ag3siw
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{
"description": "wanting my project partner to do his part, even if he has other work to do",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my project partner to do his part, even if he has other work to do?
|
To give some context: Me and my project partner are part of the same computer science class. We had a project given out and decided to partner up for it. The project was simply, create a game with the criteria provided in a document attached to said project. So we spent multiple class days together working on the project until today. Prior to today, we both equally contributed to the projects design and structure.
The actual story: It’s the last day before the project is due and he texts me stating that the project is due tomorrow. Fully expecting that he will contribute as well like he had done during class periods, I text him back saying that I can work on it and begin to combine both of the material we have ( he doesn’t have to help with this as the material we made is on a website). This alone takes up to an hour. Once again keep in mind that he hasn’t let me know at all the he won’t work on the project when I’m doing this.
After, I update him on the project, letting him know what’s been done so far. Aside from the one word answers he gives me, he gives me no indication of what his workload is until I outline what needs to be done, which would’ve taken at most the same amount of time that I had spent thus far on combining our material that we already had. He then lets me know, after I’ve done at least half the remaining work already, that he “doesn’t know if he has time to do any.” Understanding that having a lot of work sucks, I text him, giving him a compromise and doing even more work on the project.
Fast forward another 30-45 mins, and another portion of the project. I texted him, simply asking that he finish his last 30 min portion of the project. My only text back was “no still studying,” despite it being multiple hours since he first started. Since then, I’ve received no texts at all. At this point, I’m resigned to the fact that I’m gonna have to do the entire, vast majority of the project that was supposed to be done equally by myself. But hey, maybe he had to do some work and didn’t have time.
So, AITA for wanting my project partner to do his part even if he has his own workload to do as well?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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TmDBUPm8RJvdBE18AgcHYKknvslb4DTK
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9z28wq
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{
"description": "being reluctant to apologise to my sister",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being reluctant to apologise to my sister?
|
Recently, I (20M) got into an argument with my sister (18F). The actual topic of the argument isn't overly necessary, as the important part was a miscommunication between her and my father.
Necessary context, My sister has a history of anxiety and depression (who doesn't) and frequently has issues with communicating with my mother, perceiving slight clues here and there as massive signposts. this had gotten to the point where my mother had a minor breakdown as my mother had little to no time of her own as she had to spend all her time with my sister, for fear of having to have an emotional conversation about how my sister doesn't feel loved. Additionally, The following situation i'm about to describe is not the first occurrence of something like this.
Dinner was just being served as the argument began, My Sister and My father were already talking and it was clear there was a misunderstanding. I initially took her side as from the outset it was a fair question, but almost immediately, i took my father's side as i realised that (to my perspective) my sister's question was flawed. I later learned my sister had sorely miscommunicated her true question and the actual question posed had been answered, but held little bearing on her true question. My sister repeated the same question again, received the same answer, then proceeded to ask the same question. this happened a few times until she disregarded my second or third attempt to help her understand, acting dismissive of my attempt while i perceived her to be demanding an answer.
My father and I got agitated, as this was neither the first time this had happened, nor would it be the last if i history dictates anything, every time something similar had occurred, little to no perceivable change resulted, fearing this, just after i had tried to get my point across, My sister moved her head in such a way that it would be fair to assume she had dismissed my statement entirely. I pointed to her angrily and said "That, That look right there tells me that you weren't listening".
My sister begins getting emotional (Again, not the first time this has happened). She begins talking about how we don't understand, My mother, bless her heart, figures out the misunderstanding and begins to try to explain it, slowly pivoting towards the emotional aspects. I'm fuming at this point, and decide that instead of yelling at my sister, i would take a walk. i get back to the house 10-15 minutes later, they are still discussing, i walk past them all, grab my food, and when pulled up, explain that i'm holding myself back from talking as i lack context at this stage.
I'm later approached by my Mother, explaining the situation and asking me to apologise to my sister. Based on the number of times this has happened before, i already knew my sister had felt a mixture of feeling attacked, feeling like i didn't belong in the conversation between her and my father, feeling unloved as it was myself and my father against her, feeling just generally shit about the situation as a whole and a myriad of other, smaller things. Before my mother had even tried to explain my sister's side, i already knew the situation and recited them to her, to which she agreed. Also, based on the number of times this has happened before, i expect almost no change in day-to-day interactions, almost as if the argument as a whole was disregarded.
I begin my response to my mother saying that i would not be apologising to my sister for being confrontational unless my sister came to me, as i felt that i was justified at being angry at her demanding and dismissive attitude. By the end of the conversation i was certain this would never happen. I eventually concede that i would apologise to my sister IF, the next time this happens, my sister stops, takes a step back and considers another's perspective (which is not easy to do). If after explaining my perspective and opinions on my sister simultaneously putting forth a demanding and dismissive attitude, her answer does not indicate to me that she's taken my words to heart, i would not be apologising the next time this happens.
Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
RUg1WgYYFTOLDx4HWc4PXmUcygzgTHDV
|
b00q36
|
{
"description": "telling my friend to plan her own wedding rather than Copying Mine",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
WIBTA If I Told My Friend To Plan Her Own Wedding Rather Than Copying Mine?
|
Backstory: When I got married a few years ago I did the whole thing homemade. I made candles from scratch for favors. I made a really fun & creative guest signature book with a fujifilm instant camera and a handwritten chalkboard sign asking people to put a silly selfie next to their signatures. (This was an original idea that I came up with on my own because I used to scrap book a lot & was not fond of the idea of a book of just signatures.) I also created my own (original) mad libs instead of advice for the couple/seating placement cards. I really wanted something to look back on and laugh, not just the cliche "dont go to bed angry" advice.
I really poured my heart and soul into making my wedding unique, original and "handmade with love". It took me a full year to make everything and bring my creative ideas to life. These are things I now truly cherish because they are my own; my own memories, my own ideas and my own hard work.
My friend is getting married and I showed her my wedding pictures (because she originally just wanted to use the vases I used). Well then she saw my guest book table in the pictures & is copying it to a T. Same exact words on the chalkboard and everything. Same type of camera, even asked how I homemade the book so the pictures would fit. I was trying to be a good sport and see her behavior as complimentary. So I gave her advice & helped her along. I'm trying to be supportive but, now she is doing my mad lib place settings too.
All the little things I created and worked so hard on mean a lot to me. They're special. It's not like I just found this stuff on etsy it was whole set ups and projects that I thought up myself from nothing. Can't she plan her OWN wedding with things SHE likes?
I was happy to help her think of what she would like to do at her wedding but I didnt know that meant she was going to have MY wedding car on copied. I mean I feel like she might as well ask for my dress and vows at this point too.
AITA for being upset/uncomfortable with her taking every single one of my creative ideas? It didn't bother me when it was one or two things but it's become a bit much for me now. She asked if it was okay for her to copy one thing first and I said sure (because let's be honest, what else was I going to say unless I wanted to cause a fight/awkwardness), but then she just started outright saying "yup, I'm stealing that idea too!" and it's really rubbed me the wrong way.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
7j1rX2AF5nxKNaS3DroFEL8ceZdETGQ6
|
awzs0k
|
{
"description": "asking my girlfriend to quit smoking, even though she knows it's my kink",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my girlfriend to quit smoking, even though she knows it's my kink?
|
Okay, so the situaiton is a little weird here. To summarize, I somewhat recently entered a relationship, and it's going well all things considered. We're pretty good with communicating, are willing to indulge the other's interests (even though we didn't have a significant amount of the same interests at the start), and have very compatible opinions and lifestyles. All things considered, it's good. The issue that has arisen, has to do with the fact that she smokes. As it happens, I have a kink that involves women smoking, but I didn't start dating her for that reason (in fact, when we started dating, I was under the impression she had quit, which later turned out not to be true). I brought it up because we were talking about our sexual preferences, and she was actually excited. She likes the fact that I have the kink, because so many guys reject girls who smoke out of hand. I did give it some thought, but in the moment, I ultimately decided that it was not right or healthy to ask that of her.
Her response to that was lukewarm. She didn't really talk much about it after, except mentioning offhand that she never wanted to quit. Despite my kink, that actually disappointed me. In dating her, I've come to value her more and more, and I'm already terrified of the idea that I'm going to have to see her die of cancer or emphysema in her forties, and live another 40 or 50 years without her (if we end up staying together that long, of course), and yet she seems to have made the choice to die early for the habit. I haven't brought it up since then, because I'm worried we'd get into a full blown fight if I pressed the issue, not to mention her general confusion because of said kink, and I'm wondering if I'd be in the wrong for encouraging her to quit.
TL;DR: My girlfriend smokes, I want her to quit despite having a kink for smoking, and I'm not sure if it's right for me to keep bringing it up.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
AArCgF5uouMhrXnc0mWPSkgyc8qbaHEd
|
ak9kzx
|
{
"description": "getting Angry my dad had me call my uncle to tell him Grandma died",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AItA for Getting Angry My Dad Had Me Call My Uncle to Tell Him Grandma Died?
|
My paternal grandmother died while my parents were out of country. We knew it was coming and they told me everything would be handled automatically just by calling the memory care facility she was at.
This was not accurate.
The morning she died I was peppered with questions about her wishes and told I needed to empty her apartment ASAP. My siblings are out of state and my parents told me they wouldn’t come home so I and a friend went through all of grandma’s stuff and took it to storage for my parents to go through or to Goodwill. I also had to pay for her cremation services but was promptly refunded by my parents.
I was fine doing all of this. What I wasn’t fine with was my dad asking me to call his brother and one of her old caretakers to tell them that grandma was dead. I really didn’t feel like it was place to do it and told him that I was uncomfortable with his request. At the time he claimed that he couldn’t access a phone line to contact the various persons and that I had to do it. I took that at face value and made all the calls except to grandma’s old caretaker. I was tired, both physically and emotionally, and didn’t make it a high priority.
Several days later dad asks me if I made the call, I told him I hadn’t, so he tells me he’d take care of it. I press him on whether he could make calls from his location and he demurs. After much pushing he admits he could have called his brother and the others.
I feel hurt and angry about this revelation. Dad, despite being able to make the calls, had me do it which was something I clearly told him I didn’t want to do. He’s telling me it’s my problem I’m upset and since he’s thanked me for what I’ve done up to this point he’s somehow off the hook and I’m being unreasonable for telling him I’m angry.
Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
b1IMOcuy42yzWFHnRj2Up5vGQZhS1lpp
|
aladv1
|
{
"description": "throwing away my MIL's stuff",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for throwing away my MIL's stuff
|
I live in NYC with my partner, and we are very happy together in all respects except one. I have a very strong aversion to storing extra stuff (especially if it has no clear utility or can be easily replaced). I like to live in a relatively empty space. He is quite the opposite (for example, he never throws away boxes in case he wants to resell an item- even for things <$30). He tends to think 'what if we need this?' and I tend to think 'when would we ever need this?'. Since we live in NYC, we have very little space and this has been a recurring issue. It is manageable between the two of us, however it has become a major problem since his mom visited this year. She has the same attitude toward things as he does (hoarding, IMO). She buys ponderous amounts of home goods on all her visits. We accumulated heaps upon heaps of old kitchen supplies (that I cannot use) and fabrics (tablecloths? sheets? blankets?) that I can't make heads or tails of. After going to a huge effort to organize her things such that they wouldn't get in the way (even throwing away a ton of my own stuff), I finally tossed her things in frustration. I figured: she only visits 2 weeks out of the year, if that. And I knew if I asked her permission, she wouldn't agree to throwing (literally) anything away or keeping it elsewhere- no matter how little it is used. I saw no other solution. Unsurprisingly this has been a massive issue on her visit this year. I did not realize how particular she was- everything must be as it is at her home (with food especially. She is from India and has lived there her entire life). This is hard for me to understand, because if I visited India 2 weeks out of the year, I wouldn't need all of my stuff. I would eat Indian food. But apparently, this is not the view she takes of the issue. Beyond that, there seems to be a cultural difference in how she views 'my house' vs 'your house'. I see my house as mine, my parents as my parents, etc. In fact, my mom throws away my things regularly and I have just gotten used to the idea that if you keep your things in someone else's house, they can get rid of it. This idea is appalling/completely unbelievable to her. She feels deeply hurt and insulted by my actions, and wants to leave our house because she does not feel welcome. Obviously I did not intend that. I was just trying to rid myself of the chains of excess clutter. Am I the asshole here? My partner and his mom certainly think so. I admit that I have a problematic hatred of excess stuff, but I don't think that my behavior is entirely unwarranted. My partner actually asked me to post on this sub because I have 'trouble empathizing', so what do you guys think?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
88RZUlIhmLtDGQWXlcQPfK2vU3peFPJj
|
a7vvew
| null |
AITA or is my friend the asshole for hating me because of my childhood abuse?
|
I'm 14. She's 15.
&#x200B;
We're both abused. Emily only got a few slaps and punches from her MOTHER whenever she made mistakes, and I was the victim of my father getting drunk and verbally abusing me from ages 2-6. It has affected me greatly and I now have trust issues and anxiety and depression. She doesn't seem to be affected.
We were close friends, and one day she confided in me about her abuse, so I did the same. I assumed then she would understand my day to day issues because she's abused too, so I started coming to her with my issues. I have trust issues, so it's a bit hard to convince me of something when i'm really sad...I always assume they're lying. And I told her that. She should respect it. It usually takes a few hours to calm me down and talk me out of suicide or self harm...but it should be worth it, yknow? A true friend would care. That's why when she doesn't reply to me I assume she hates me and I call her out on it. I don't want fake friends.
&#x200B;
I don't like bothering people with my emotions, yknow? So usually I just tell my friends I'm sad or upset when we're in the middle of an activity and I start feeling self-hatred because I fucked up somewhere. I just leave so they don't have to deal with me... and she cheers me up. That's why I feel really hurt when she doesn't even bother and doesn't follow up with me in a few minutes, and I let her know so she doesn't do it in the future. One day she started CRYING instead, straight to her friend. He got really mad at me for NO REASON? And told me how I wasn't trying to improve myself even though I WAS TRYING. I can't help it, I have severe mental issues from my abuse and they should understand. I called her crying and told her he called me an ATTENTION W\*\*\*\* because he basically did and he reminded me of my father, yelling at me. I needed her to reassure me and she FAILED ME. Instead, she told me \*\*I HURT HER\*\* for some reason and told me it was STRESSFUL and affecting her mental health NEGATIVELY to try to cheer me up so much "when you just accuse me of lying instead and make me prove to you I'm your friend". A good friend will SUPPORT their friend in ANY WAY THEY CAN. It shouldn't affect anyone negatively. I told her that she and him were reminding me of my father, and that I was hurt she didn't even understand how I felt even thought she should have because she's abused, too. NOT EVEN ENOUGH FOR ANY SYMPATHY. I told her that her saying that made me cut myself, and that her abuse obviously isn't as bad as mine cause she doesn't seem to have any problems with it and she's asian anyways and all asian parents are like that and she should suck it up and she called me abusive.
&#x200B;
We made up a few days later and she was really distant for some reason. She kept spending time with the guy who attacked me and because of my trust issues and because I recently had two other friends talk about me behind my back before I met her so obviously I would be suspicious. I asked her if she hated me, because she spent time with him instead of me and didn't invite me. She just said she thought I hated him and I DO, I told her I wouldve sucked it up and SHE SHOULD HAVE KNOWN. She stopped spending time with him as much once they got busy with school but she was still distant. I started worrying she was talking about me behind my back, and that she hated me, so i would ask her about it alot, I can't help it, my anxiety makes me worry about it alot, she shoulda just sucked it up and reassured me.
&#x200B;
Instead, she told me it was rude and told me that it hurt her??? She said it made her feel like I didn't trust her and that friendship was based in trust. I told her the truth, because I hate lies and I'd want people to tell ME the truth. I told her that I obviously didn't trust her, I don't trust anyone because of my abuse, you could put the most trustworthy person in front of me and I wouldn't trust them. She told me to find a therapist and I got a bit mad because she assumed I did nothing about my problems and I told her it was rude of her to assume I did nothing about my mental health and how I cut myself and tried to commit suicide a while ago and I can't even go to school so she SHOULDNT ASSUME THINGS ABOUT ME. She blocked me. BLOCKED ME! She didn't even talk things out like a normal person. She just blocked me without letting me respond or have a say and all she said was that she tried but she just "can't" and that I was bad for HER mental health and called me manipulative and claimed I "flipped" the situation. It hurt me alot, she was the onl;y person I could rely on to talk to my problems about. I asked my other friends crying if they thought I was manipulative and mean and abusive and someone that everyone hates and they said no so she was wrong. I cut myself.
&#x200B;
Last weekend I bumped into her by coincidence at the mall when she was out with friends and I begged her to give me a second chance and I even had my friend tell her how she made me cry and cut myself and that I was really sorry. I told her I missed her friendship and she said "me too I guess." She finally agreed to give me a chance. We decided to discuss boundaries and she told me that as long as I didn't "flip things or be manipulative" then she'd be my friend. I told her how she was mean because she blocked me without telling me why, making me cut and her friendship was toxic to me so i didn't want to be best friends anymore just someone I talked to about my problems and that I felt awful in a way I never wanted to feel when i was friends with her because she called me manipulative and because her girlfriend who was my other best friend before she ghosted me after me and Sally's first fight would always talk to me about her mental problems and threaten to cut herself and kill herself and I'd have to talk her out of it. I also told her my friends didn't think I was manipulative either so she was toxic and I'd appreciate if she didn't talk to me outside of group activities or when I needed her because even seeing her at that mall made me run to the bathroom and cut myself and cry while my friend talked to her. She was super nice at the time too and agreed. Sometimes she brought up some of my behaviour and I told her that I'm not perfect, because I'm not. Plus, it was really confusing to have her go "I miss your friendship!" to "Don't talk to me about personal issues!" and I told her that she was misleading me by doing so and to please stop. I told her since my friends dont find me manipulative and she did it was super toxic to me and that I understood if she wanted to continue believing it she didn't have to talk to me. We agreed we'd be casual friends who spent time together in groups and helped me with personal issues and nothing more, then parted ways at the mall.
&#x200B;
She got really mad at me later and gave me a list of BULLSHIT reasons cause I told her how upset I was when she didnt tell me why she blocked me. She called me manipulative and a hypocrite for telling her about her girlfriends toxic behaviour to me and told me that I shouldn't talk to her ever again. She didn't even let me reply. I found it really demeaning because some of the things she mentioned I can't help because of my abuse and my problems stemming from it and she told me that she has the same problems, she just doesn't tell anyone. I think she just said that to seek attention and make me feel bad. Who's in the wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
BLc08bExZdctPVAY65O65A49TkDXYH0H
|
b2d9pe
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my friend for touching the scones",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my friend for touching the scones?
|
Yesterday I got a bag of free pastries and scones from a local bakery (they're really nice and sometimes will give away the left over food from the day). I came home and my roommate and her boyfriend were hanging out in the living room. I offered them some pastries and my roommates boyfriend started to rummage around the bag. He started to pick up, hold and look at all of the scones inside to see what type of flavor they are. I got mad at him because he proceeded to touch all of the scones and I personally think that's super unsanitary. I told him to stop doing that, then he got annoyed at me. He thinks that it's not a big deal, and he was just checking to see what type of scones are in the bag. Am I the asshole for telling him to stop/ thinking that's rude. For context: there were around 8 scones in a brown paper bag, all of the scones were unwrapped. Also I've known my roommates boyfriend for around 3 years, and we usually get along.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
jymV2DLVv4lV1ciu8DEnCHfsxJdXodiT
|
ap8v5r
|
{
"description": "ending things with my s/o for no valid reason besides I wasn't happy",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA (21m) for ending things with my S/O (20f) for no valid reason besides I wasn’t happy?
|
Hello everyone, was told to repost this in this sub from r/relationships for some more brutal and honest truth, so don’t hold back.
Here it goes
I’ve been dating this girl for a little under a year now and she has been the most amazing, caring, loving and compassionate person I’ve ever dated.
We have had very few fights and most people looking at us would consider us perfect. She is infatuated with me to a level that I cannot match. She thinks I’m the “one” for her.
Here’s where it gets tricky. I haven’t been content with our relationship for awhile now and I have constantly been looking for a reason to end the relationship but we have zero fights. I know this is wrong but I felt it would be better to break each other’s hearts than me destroying hers.
Yesterday we had a normal talk which ultimately led me to tell her how I’ve been feeling and how I’m not happy. She couldn’t understand what she’s done wrong and tbh she hasn’t done anything wrong.
She’s absolutely destroyed right now and I’m feeling pretty awful about the situation myself. Honestly, through my experiences breaking up with a person who loves you unconditionally seems to be harder than being dumped.
Am I an asshole for doing this? Do I need a valid reason to end things? She cannot grasp why I did this and I’m finding it hard to come up with an answer.
TL;DR - broke up with “perfect” gf of 1 year bc I wasn’t happy and broke her heart. No fights caused this.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
NOBODY
|
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|
RIGHT
|
U4tWf4GOw8QX9iQ0pvF2xlKArpqfh7tY
|
9wz6jv
|
{
"description": "telling a guy that \"instantly\" fell in love with me to first become friends",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling a guy that "instantly" fell in love with me to first become friends?
|
So I met this guy a couple of days ago. Not even after 24h of knowing each other, he already starts flirting and hitting on me.
I didn't really react to that, mostly because no one hits on me because I'm really socially awkward, and I don't really know what to do when this happens. Later on he starts asking for nudes, shared a covered sausage picture.
I was kind of angry because even if I'm close to 18 I'm still underaged. And he's 20. He seems like a nice person on the outside, he's an Administrator of a server and he's always been nice, but once he's out of that he's weird. I would have seriously given him a chance if it weren't for his behaviour.
I told him "Look, we can't have a relationship if we don't even know each other. If we don't have a foundation of friendship or acquaintance at the very least." He said (before I came up with the idea of being friends) he would love me no matter what anyway, and I was rather taken aback. After I told him what I want, he's been cold and distant, ignoring me most of the time.
AITA for telling him that? AITA for expecting this result? WIBTA if I told him I want nothing to do with him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 9,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
pqBbgppzruXN2iJDVVIKtGtiooFu615x
|
axubqv
|
{
"description": "not wanting to give up my room for a week when my grandmother visits",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 21
}
|
AITA for not wanting to give up my room for a week when my grandmother visits?
|
Okay, so this is a long story. There will be a TLDR at the bottom.
I’m a teenager who really likes my room. Tonight, my mom straight up told me that I would have to give up my room for a whole week to my grandmother. I would either have to sleep in my brother’s room on his second twin bed, or sleep on an inflatable mattress downstairs. I would also like to add that the door to it leads directly into the loud living room. I asked if she could sleep on the inflatable bed, as my room is pretty much sacred to me, giving me a place to do homework and play games in peace and quiet. She said that she couldn’t because her toe was hurt a bit, and wanted her to have a good bed. We also have a brand new camper that is so fancy it has couch seat warmers and massagers and even a working fireplace. The bed in it is even bigger and more comfortable than mine. I asked if we could plug the camper into our house to give it running water and electricity, but she flat out said no.
I said that I was didn’t want to give up my room, and there had to be a better benefiting compromise. I hate sleeping with my brother because he practically does gymnastics in his sleep, gets up way earlier than I do, watches YouTube in bed early in the morning, is very loud, and keeps me up because he won’t stop talking to me. If I slept downstairs, I wouldn’t be able to go to sleep because I would be able to hear the TV in the living room constantly. She says that I’ll still be able to use my room and computer because my grandmother won’t always be in there, but my grandmother will use the room a lot.
I would be okay with this if it were another relative, but I don't like my grandmother. First, she hates electronics. She lets us play for maybe thirty minutes a day, and constantly went back on her word, because our parents weren’t there. My brother had a breakdown, as he couldn’t do anything he wanted. When she will be staying, there will be three days where my parents won’t be there, as they will be leaving and letting my grandmother supervise. Also, she isn’t an accepting person. I expressed that I am an atheist, and she said, “No, you’re not an atheist. You don’t have enough experience to make that opinion.” This really angered me. She basically said that I didn’t have enough experience with religion to make my own opinions on the matter, even though I have in fact done research into the subject multiple times, in order to confirm my beliefs.
My mother said that I was being extremely selfish, never thought of others, and couldn’t see past myself. I tried compromise, but she wasn’t open to it. AITA for not giving up my room for a week for my grandmother?
tl;dr: Mom wants me to give up my room for a week to my mean grandmother. I oppose the idea, and she says I’m very selfish and can’t see past myself.
If YTA, what should I do differently?
If NTA, what can I do to help the situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 9,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 21
}
|
WRONG
|
pJjRCGiX4HxI4y4NLoyrGL00CRRnVjik
|
aejo4d
|
{
"description": "telling my wife Id like her to get into better shape, so that we can have a better sex life",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 25
}
|
AITA For telling my wife id like her to get into better shape, so that we can have a better sex life.
|
Me and my wife have been married for two years. In the beginning of our relationship she had a very attractive hour glass shaped figure, which I enjoyed very much. She also worked out frequently, and ate healthy, and not just because I enjoyed it but because it made her feel happy (her words). She was a dancer while still maintaining a full, curvy shape.
Recently, she has started to fall out of shape. It used to be less noticeable, like a more flabbier butt (I actually like big butts, but hers has recently been riddled with cellulite). Now shes gained a slight tummy on a previously completely flat stomach.
When she wears her belly button ring that I once enjoyed I now feel very put off. Sex has started to feel bland and almost like a chore.
I put a lot of time and effort into my body, performing routine exercises each morning, as well as using special lotions, bodywash, and frequently using facial masks to clear out my pores. I do this both for myself and for her enjoyment.
I maintain a strict sugarless diet, in addition to working full time to provide for the house we both live in. She is unemployed and we have no kids. I raised no concerns about this, but i did insist that she take care of the house (which she does) while also keeping an attractive figure.
At dinner, I brought all my concerns to her about how I am basically unhappy with her appearance right now, as well as providing motivation for her exercise and eating healthier. i used many supporting and comforting words. I told her our sex would be much more enjoyable for both of us since I would actually enjoy it as well.
She is taken aback by all of this, gets defensive, then begins to cry . I told her that shes being silly, and that im not asking for much. She then says that I am hurting her feelings really badly, and that she feels very ugly now.
I apologize as thats not what i meant, but she continues to cry and we are now on a loop. The worst part about this is now the conversation is derailed and she hasn't committed to any sort of exercise plan because shes upset at me.
AITA For Asking my wife to exercise to be more sexually attractive, or is she in the wrong for letting herself go and not changing?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
vKXVNEpnjNR1rh5g6mMepC5Z0Xztgpd1
|
a38qnz
|
{
"description": "trying to have sex with my female friend",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for trying to have sex with my female friend?
|
A couple years ago, when I was 20, my female friend who was 2 years older than me invited me to come drink at her house.
A little background. I was relatively new to drinking, having only had my first alcoholic beverage 4 months previous, and only having drunk a handful of times since then. I'd never been seriously drunk. She was an experienced drinker who drank several times a week (because college I guess) She asked me to bring a bottle of tequila, limes and salt, which I got from another friend.
I'd also recently had a breakup, like 2 months previous, with a girl that I'd swore up and down was my soulmate, having dated for 2 years up to that point. the ex was the only person I'd had sex with at the time. My friend, we'll call her Sara, had helped me get through it. We'd been friends for (I think) 7 years. It's hard to remember exactly how long because I have terrible memory for a lot of my childhood/adolescence. We'd always had a lot of fun together- we made each other laugh more than anyone else I've spent time with, and she helped me with a lot of personal problems. (We'd never considered a romantic or sexual relationship up to this point, though)
When I first got there, Sara's friend, we'll call her Amanda, was also there, but wasn't going to drink. Sara and I did a couple shots while shooting the shit, talking about dumb stuff that people make small talk about. When Sara invited me, she said said she'd make dinner but when I got there she just wanted to start drinking. Amanda left after about an hour and we started watching New Girl on her couch. She wanted to do shots, so I did more with her. In the course of just 4 episodes+the time that Amanda was there, I personally had done 7 shots. I think she did 5. I'm a 200 pound guy and she's a 160 pound girl, just to give an idea of how drunk we were.
It had been a really long day for me, so I kinda leaned on her while we watched NG, and at some point I fell asleep. We had always been pretty comfortable with consensual touching like hugs and light cuddling etc (but nothing sexual) so I don't feel this was inappropriate of me. I guess she kept watching New Girl, but I woke with my head on her lap and her hand in my pants. Being very drunk, I took this as a sign that she wanted to get frisky. So I sat up and we sloppily made out. Since her hands were all up in my business, I assumed that reciprocating would be okay, and clumsily tried to start fingering her. She grabbed my hand and pulled it away, but kept making out with me. I thought she was teasing me, as she was still playing with my bits, so I tried to do it again a few minutes later. She pulled my hand away again and kept laughing at me. I'm really confused at this point. Does she want to have sex with me or not? So I kept kissing her, and she kept kissing me. I should mention she was biting and sucking my neck, which left EIGHTTEEN different hickeys (yes, I counted the next day. I was absolutely humiliated at work). After a while, she says "I can't have sex with you Jared", so I stop kissing her, stumble over to another room, and fall asleep on the floor.
The next day, everything seemed fine when I woke up except I had the worst hangover I'd had up to that point or ever since, so I woke her up. she kicked me out as soon as she woke up.
We didn't talk for a long time. We had one short conversation a year later over text where everything seemed fine. But whenever I've seen her around, she gives me a nasty look then ignores me. I regret this event deeply- it ruined a strong friendship that I'd had for a long time. It's also ruined friendships with mutual friends that we had, one of which thinks I tried to rape Sara and won't even listen to my side of the story.AM I the asshole for trying to have sex with Sara?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
iXuwSvl8HvgpY5xqXJS4GDeSP7EXxKVb
|
axbaam
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my girlfriend for one reason",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend for one reason?
|
I’m on mobile, sorry for the shitty formatting.
So my girlfriend and I have been dating for 6 months and everyday was fantastic with her until the luster wore off. Around 4 months into the relationship I noticed how negative she was. Every time I’d call her after school she’d always be on about something else. Whether it be her parents, friends, food, etc. it was tiring encouraging her 24/7 and at one point I’ve had enough. I broke it off I just couldn’t take it anymore. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
M0k8LgpovcfCkOedyYATYVh2VlasPg3X
|
anh9gi
|
{
"description": "asking my friend to vape weed in the stairwell, and not within my apartment, and dis-inviting him for being an asshole about the request",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my friend to vape weed in the stairwell, and not within my apartment, and dis-inviting him for being an asshole about the request?
|
I invited my friend to my house for a chill time playing tabletop games. I asked him not to smoke weed in my apartment because my girlfriend's sister will be there, she's 15, and her mom doesn't want her around weed otherwise she won't let her come to my apartment alone. Neither my GF or I smoke weed at all. He said that since it's vape weed, he will just say it's a flavored e-cig.
I said "It smells like weed, if ou could just step into the hallway or something."
He said "She won't know, it'll just be a flavored vape pen"
Me: "Is it really that important?"
Him: "Yes, for my comfort. It's not rampant constant use it's every once in a while. I could ask you the same question really. Is it that important? I am not going to offer \[her sister\] any."
Me: "I just asked you not to vape weed in my apartment, I didn't think it was a big ask."
Him: "Maybe I can do it in the bathroom, but what if I told you to eat your food in the bathroom because your food offends me? It quite literally doesn't affect you. But fine. I will not be relaxed or normal. Question, would you let me drink beer? And if so, what's the difference? Vape has no second hand."
Then I responded by dis-inviting him for being so disrespectful. We continued with a fight via text lasting over 2 hours beginning with:
Him: "If you want to cancel because you would like to have more control over my state of mind than me you are more than welcome."
Me: "What, you can't walk 3 feet before lighting up? It's really that big of an ask?"
I later informed him that THC is a proconvulsant, and he knows I have epilepsy. I feel like I was right here, as does my girlfriend, but he seems to think it's ridiculous that I ask him not to vape because I'm just being a control freak.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
aSKQoCH59Xn2CetVOiAHp69AY41xkl40
|
arnn7m
|
{
"description": "continuing using my ex's Netflix and Spotify",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I continue using my ex's Netflix and Spotify
|
We broke up few days ago after several years of dating. He has Netflix and Spotify together with his 3 friends. He gave me password as soon as he subscribed to both and never took money I offered him for using both regulary. Even more than him.
I've noticed he hasn't changed the passwords. Now I'm trying to decide should I continue using them until he eventually changes his password or just log out.
I asked few of my friends would they be insterested in subscribing to a plan together with me but they declined. I know its not too much money but when you are a student, it counts.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
sC0VVR6BBShUi5PKpqbsPX0VsEziZUsn
|
b74oh8
|
{
"description": "threatening to tell secrets about my sister",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for threatening to tell secrets about my sister
|
Before I start the story I need to give a little backstory. This is my first reddit post ever so if I do something stupid my bad. Anyway, I joined color guard my freshman year. Usually when you are returning for the second year it is way less expensive because you already bought all your uniforms and stuff. My now ex-stepdad paid for all my stuff in freshman year, but when my mom was arrested I lost everything. I had to move in with my cousins two states away until my mom got out of jail. Now this year (sophomore year) my mom has to pay for everything. She constantly uses this to belittle me all the time and make me do everything around the house. Meanwhile my sister who is 11 has been in dancing since she was 5 and is way more expensive in the long run. End of back story.
My moms latest boyfriend is allergic to cats. I made a joke about how maybe he wouldn’t be allergic to cats and we should get one of those as a JOKE. I know we can barely afford it when we can barely afford rent every month. We paid with my color guard stuff with income tax, but in general we are very poor. We never have food at the house. Any my mom ended up calling me a spoiled brat because apparently I always want things I know are too expensive when my sister doesn’t get anything. Then my moms boyfriend went on a huge tangent about how I always make things seem worse then they are and that I crave sympathy. We live in a two bedroom house and I share a room with my sister and my moms boyfriends daughter. We also have two roommates who don’t even pay rent that live in the living room. Anyway, my moms boyfriend complained to the guy that was living with us about me for like 30 minutes including the phrase “if her mom wasn’t there I would have beat the shit out of her”. And I was shocked because I never heard him say something like that before so I told my sister. She agreed with everything the adults said and justified it by saying “you can’t hide from the truth”.
So i told her if the truth wasn’t bad I should be able to text her friends every bad thing she ever said about them. But in reality, I never really did that. All I did was hide her phone charger so she couldn’t have her phone for 2 weeks as her and I are the only people in the house with the same charger and I don’t let her use mine. My mom heard that I threatened to tell my sisters friends “lies that can get her harmed” and she turned my data off and didn’t let me got to my next color guard competition which could have gotten me kicked of rifle line.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
u5nWfFNHeZli8PBYrtpUshHJwy1nGucs
|
afq2r2
|
{
"description": "not letting my little sister get a giant llama plushie",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting my (18F) little sister (16F) get a giant llama plushie?
|
My sister and I went to an arcade where all your tickets for prizes and gaming credits are loaded onto a card. The problem was that each new card that is created has a $5 activation fee and so my sister suggested that we share a card so we only have to pay one activation fee. That made sense since we were going to stick around each other anyways, so we got one card and loaded it with gaming credits and started to play games in the arcade. Most of the games my sister played were games that did not give tickets such as Dance Dance Revolution while I solely played games that gave tickets. Once all our gaming credits were gone we had 2000 tickets to spend on prizes. My sister and I couldn’t find a prize we both wanted so I said since she paid for half of the card and I paid for the other half, she can spend 1000 tickets while I spend the other 1000. I decided to get a rock salt lamp for 950 tickets but my sister wanted to spend 1,500 tickets on a giant llama plushie. She wanted to use some of my tickets and argued she wanted the llama plushie a lot more than I wanted the rock salt lamp, which is probably true since she made a big deal about how much she loved the llama while I just got the rock salt lamp cause I thought it was cool. That being said, that doesn’t mean I didn’t want the rock salt lamp. I told her no we’re not getting the llama and that we were going to split the tickets in half evenly. Plus, she could get a normal sized llama plushie for 700 tickets and still have some leftover for something else. She didn’t like that I said no so she then brought an employee over and asked them whether or not we should get her the giant llama (thank goodness the employee didn’t view it as a nuisance, he was very kind and just laughing at the whole situation). The employee asked for my side of the problem and I told him my sister and I should split the tickets in half evenly so it’s fair but my sister told the employee to think of the emotional aspect of it: a giant llama is going to make her a lot happier than rock salt lamp is going to make me. The employee then said he agreed with me and so I started walking to the cashier to redeem my prizes. My sister kept trying to block me from getting to the cashier and then said “You’d get me the giant llama if you loved me,” so I said “I guess I don’t love you then” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ since I definitely was not getting her the giant llama. I budged past her and redeemed my prize and gave her the card to spend the rest of the tickets on anything else she wanted. But she just stomped away and said “I don’t want anything.” Later on she told my mom about what happened and how I didn’t let her get the giant llama plushie and my mom got mad at me and said as the older sibling I should’ve gotten it for my little sister. She gave a whole speech about how she’s my little sister and I should love her and do stuff for her to make her happy and that I am being selfish for getting the rock salt lamp.
AITA for not getting a giant llama plushie for my little sister?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
4TTiH5sKrV4WZoX9csWPLA91Jlt6SvRI
|
al5k0x
|
{
"description": "generally not tipping Uber drivers",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for generally not tipping Uber drivers?
|
Pretty simple. Had this debate earlier with a friend.
Uber tips didn’t hit my last city until awhile after I’d used the service, and I left soon after, so it wasn’t a phenomenon for more that a few months for me.
The only reason I ever took one was because, especially with a Visa discount, they’re extremely cheap in my city. Often an Uber across the city was 50 cents more than a bus ride.
I tip a good to ridiculous amount at restaurants and cafes. I have always practiced the philosophy of “if you can’t afford to tip, you can’t afford to buy it.” That applies to haircuts, food, coffee, and any other service.
I have to go ahead and admit, though, that it never seemed particularly necessary to tip an Uber POOL (to be clear) any more than I’d tip a bus driver.
I have rarely if ever given fewer than five stars on a ride. I don’t even know what would make me do that. My own rating is 4.96 and has been there since I started using it.
In the event that I have a good conversation with a driver, I often do tip, but in my city that’s quite rare. It’s usually civil but silent.
In all, I’m floored by this argument and basically feel terrible. I’ve been using this service as essentially a bus line - civil, clean, paying a contractor through a service, gets me where I need to go and we both rate the other well.
I can’t express enough how strongly I believe in tipping all service workers, and I want to know if I’m a complete idiot and asshole for not having thought of Uber drivers as the same.
For what it’s worth, the friends of mine who live in my city and use Uber to the same extent feel the same way, while the friend with whom I discussed this lives elsewhere. The local friends are also all generous tippers and kind people and very friendly to drivers who want to interact. It’s also true that the reason we use the service is that it’s very very cheap here - adding another $1 would negate the Uber/bus advantage. I don’t know if that matters.
Please do be honest - AITA? Very willing to change my ways.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
L3Qyod59rMkg49EYiVUZZeXIZrvbRH9N
|
aq9z0c
|
{
"description": "saying no to a friend coming to dinner with my friends and I",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for saying no to a friend coming to dinner with my friends and I
|
I am in high school and tommorow is Valentine's day and we have no school Friday. My best friend and I love to go to buffalo wild wings once and a while and we remembered it was boneless thursday so we had the idea to go to dinner. We immediately decided to bring 2 of our other friends with us. This was all last week. We asked our two other friends and made a group chat and figured out rides and times and unlimetly decided to have a sleepover at my best friends house after.
So my friend has a close friend (let's call her A) who she was talking to and A asked her if she had plans on thursday. She said yes and my best friend told A that she was going out to dinner with friends. A immediately asks if she can go as well. My best friend asks me if it is ok if she can go and I simply say no.
We made plans for the 4 of us to go to. Bwws and I'd rather not go with 5 people because then the group becomes cliquey and it's no longer everyone spending time togeather and this group of 2 and these two hanging out at the same place that they went to together.
Now A is upset, this isnt the first time she has done this. If she isnt invited to something she gets upset and plays it like I'm the asshole
So am I the asshole for saying no to her coming to dinner?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
S0d2aRtxh1be7pHRnMpFvPCQsHtqvxNk
|
b9287l
|
{
"description": "deliberately speaking softly to my mostly deaf grandfather-in-law",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for deliberately speaking softly to my mostly deaf grandfather-in-law?
|
My grandfather-in-law is mostly deaf but refuses to wear his hearing aids. We end up having to shout to be heard, but when we do this, he gets mad and insists he can hear just fine and we need to stop shouting. He gets especially mad when I raise my voice, because he’s a very sexist, traditional old Chinese man and think women should never raise their voice.
I finally got tired of it all and decided to give him what he wants, and started talking to him in a soft, demure voice. He can’t hear me, of course, and every time he asks me to repeat what I said, I repeat it in the same volume while smiling sweetly and looking at him expectantly as if I’m expecting a reply. I also block my lips a lot so he can’t attempt to lip read. He’s too proud to admit he can’t hear me, and at first, he’d try to guess what I said and reply to that. But after I kept responding with confused looks and more questions, he eventually stopped talking to me completely which is awesome, because he’s the most unpleasant person to talk to.
He loves lecturing, and his favourite topics is why everyone of the wrong race/nationality/gender/employment are inferior. My husband and I refuse to take him out for dinner anymore despite all his hints, because he’s so damn rude to everyone. He’d lecture waiters on why they’re failures in life, talk loudly about how [insert race/nationality here] are inferior to make sure the entire restaurant can hear him, make negative comments about people seated next to us in a loud voice and just give them smug, condescending smirks when they shoot us dirty looks..you get the gist.
I started pretending to ask him questions mid-insult, and I’ll admit that sometimes I just mouth gibberish while keeping my submissive wife smile on, and then look at him expectantly as if I expected him to reply. He would always end up flustered and, being to proud to admit he couldn’t hear me, eventually shut up.
Since we’re the only relatives living close to him, we were initially expected to to have dinner at his place daily and be at his beck & call for any errands. My husband and I hate him so much, we decided to terminate our lease early and move to a place that’s further away from him. We got a lot of shit from the family, of course. After my husband joined me in talking to him in a soft voice, he no longer insists on daily dinners or complains about our decision to move.
Apparently, some people think what we’re doing is cruel and messing with his mental health. Are we the assholes here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
fG8K2uYHv4kbvSCQ9DhOgcKYVURwGrkh
|
akqaj8
|
{
"description": "throwing away my ex-girlfriends family photos",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for throwing away my ex-girlfriends family photos?
|
We broke up about 10 months ago. 4 1/2 year very strenuous relationship that ended on quite bad terms.
I moved yesterday, about 4 hours away from my small town. A new-start kind of thing for me. I decide to send a fairly lengthy text saying I am not trying to continue any kind of communication, I just want to apologize for a lot of the things I've done in the past and send my final best wishes before moving.
A couple hours later, I'm packing up the last of the storage room. I find a box of what looks to be every family photo she had. 3 albums and a ton of loose photos.
It's 6 am at this point, and I am going to be packing the truck up at 8, so I decide to call. No answer, so I figure I'll call a couple more times and maybe she will wake up. On the 4th call, I leave a voicemail explaining that I have her photos, to let me know where and I can drop them off. And if not I will figure something out before I leave.
I check my phone at 7, and I have a text telling me not to harass her, that she doesn't read my texts, get over her and move on, to get it through my head she doesn't want to talk etc etc. Clearly didn't listen to my voicemail.
I haven't called or texted until the other day, and I appear to be blocked now. I am not mad, just seemed strange, and I just didn't want to deal with it, nor do I know how to contact her now anyhow.
Should I have figured out a way to get all of that stuff to her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
A1b2c714j4EtMAQBC2rQ19Fgvmft5F02
|
b3be5x
|
{
"description": "not wanting my mother to live with me when I move out",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA For not wanting my mother to live with me when I move out
|
Sorry if this goes all of the place, I'm just trying to talk a little about how she is to show why the title is what it is.
Ever since I was little she has always talked about how she was going to move with me whenever I do move out. When I was little I didn't really put much thought or care into it and just said ok. But when I turned 17/18 (21 now) I started to realize how things were off by her wanting that. She's always been kinda controlling and would literally follow and continue an argument if you disagree with her. To the point she trapped me on my old loft bed once. With that in mind and how she tends to freak out and try to spam call me at a friend's house or at work while using the excuse of not remembering when I get off. Whenever I do have a chance to go to a friend's or anything because she tries to keep me with her. I don't want to live the rest of my life like that.
Even though she uses claims of wanting away from my stepfather, I feel she has different intentions. Even if its part early onset empty nest syndrome. I love my mom and am grateful to her, but I feel like she's suffocating me. I am unable to do anything anyone else my age would be doing (excluding drinking and all). To the point where I have never been able to have much of any male friends let alone a boyfriend. Which I was ok with in high school...but now I'm not. Another thing is that she will straight up walk into my room or the bathroom regardless of what I'm doing. To the point I've either had to hide behind my bed/dresser or slam the door because I was changing. I've never had privacy.
I want privacy, quiet (constant arguing between mom&stepdad) to do what I want with a room or home without pressure. Like most females I eventually want a child...but if she were living with me and if I do end up with someone...she'd prevent that. Honestly I'm terrified of what would happen if I let her move with me. Need some time to myself and to learn how to take care of myself instead of her automatically speaking for me as if I'm still a kid. Scared that she'd try to keep up her control over everything.
I know she gave birth to me and raised me, but would I be an ahole to not let her move with me?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
VllxKs0aYMQmVSL7BCUm0VzTcm9kaplI
|
aroteh
|
{
"description": "not wanting to play league with my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to play league with my boyfriend?
|
So my boyfriend and i mainly play ranked to climb up and lately he’s kind of being up my ass about doing specific things. Things like “you’re missing CS” or “why didn’t you heal” just being very demanding and wanting me to play in a specific manner. He says it’s criticism and that whenever I get upset, he says “I don’t take criticism well”. I’ve played league since season 1 and only recently started taking ranked slightly seriously but not too obsessively. My boyfriend offered to help me climb up and at first, it was fun but now, it’s low key becoming like a chore. We’ve had these type of talks about his behaviour throughout, and although he does acknowledge it, it’s kind of a repetitive “I’m sorry” thing. I feel kind of an asshole for not wanting to play because of this sole reason, since he expressed that he’s doing this for me and that he wants to see me improve. And also because he emphasized that he wants to play this game because he wants to be with me.
So reddit, am I the asshole?
TLDR; boyfriend giving me “advice” on league, sounds too demanding, makes me want to not play with him.
Sorry for format, on mobile.
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"description": "taking back my money from my sisters who wanted to use it to go to Asia",
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AITA For taking back my money from my sisters who wanted to use it to go to Asia?
|
Ok, let me first point out that my sisters are under 14 years old, and I'm just a teenager. A few months ago they devised a plan to take a trip to Thailand for... well no reason specifically. They just like Asia. They put out dog-walking posters all around the neighborhood in hopes of getting some money to fund their trip. Unfortunately, they got no business whatsoever. The posters were out for maybe a month before they had to take them down due to the harsh rain. Now, a few months later, I asked my sisters to refund me the money I gave them for their trip because I knew they were obviously not going anymore. But my sisters snapped at me, saying they still were going to go. I told them they had only $20 toward their trip (including my donation of $10, the other $10 was given by my dad.)
Anyway, they yelled at me that I was being "greedy" for wanting my money back. Their argument was that I gave them money willingly, and I should've accepted that I wasn't going to get my money back. I understood, but when I gave them the money it was *towards* their trip, and it's unfortunately not happening anymore so why should they keep my money?
Reddit, AITA?
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aoqhrz
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"description": "spending time with family insted of buying a formula machine",
"pronormative_score": 2,
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AITA for spending time with family insted of buying a formula machine?
|
My wife is depressed so we agreed I would take nights with the kids if they need to eat or need assistance during the nights, add to this i work 12-15 hours a day but it's nothing I can't handle.
How ever wife said she felt guilty about me taking nights while she stayed home at daytime and said we should get a formula machine so that it gets easier to warm up the baby food for the youngest and that it would make it easier for me to handle the night.
I thought it was a good idea so she started looking for a cheaper used one and she did find it.
She tried to go get it but her gps didn't work properly and she told me to go get it after work tomorrow.
That day I choose that id rather spend 1-2 hours of quality time drinking coffee with my family after a long week of hard work instead of going to get the formula machine.
She is now so mad that she won't even talk to me, hangs up the phone when I call her.
Aita?
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"description": "telling my parents I don't want to visit them until next year",
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WIBTA if I told my parents I don't want to visit them until next year?
|
Some backstory:
* I am my mom's only child (my dad has three other daughters he does not talk to much),
* I am stationed overseas with my husband for one more year and then we are stationed back into the states,
* it has been a year and a half since I have seen them (the last time I saw them, I flew from overseas to the states).
So recently, my parents have been very adamant about my coming to visit them this year. However, I am getting very tired of it and want to be straightforward with them. It isn't about the cost of the ticket.
It's about the time it takes for me to get home, seeing as they live in a small town far from a main airport. It's also about the fact that they would push for me to stay for two weeks or more. This goes against my current schedule in college and my gym time (though that is flexible rather than college). When they do bring up my flying to visit them, I bring up these issues and they say it will be fine, but that I really should stay 2+ weeks.
Would I be the asshole if I told my parents I don't want to visit them until next year, when I am back in the states? Is there a better way to word this? Do I have to be very straightforward with them?
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"description": "not paying my part in in-laws suprise party",
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AITA for not paying my part in in-laws suprise party?
|
So my SIL calls me during the day to put forward an idea for throwing In-Laws a wedding anniversary party and a general excuse to bring the whole family together. I think it's a great idea and dispite the fact my In-laws haven't treat me the best I do love party planning and the rest of my husband's family are so lovely.
So she tells me she wants it at a local venue that has a huge beautiful hall and good catering. I agree it's a good setting. She then tells me she will organise contacting everyone invited making calls ect. Devise a ruse and bring parents to the said venue. She will do everything so my husband and I don't have to worry about a thing. Could we just handle the venue?
I say sure what would you like me to do? Get prices? Sort the menu options? Book a date?
She informs me she wants to pick the menu. But yes could I cover the costs. I'm like, wait up? What am I doing? She tells me I cover the venue she will sort out everything else. Ends the call.
So confused I relay back to my husband I'm unsure of what exactly she's putting into this? Also worth mentioning this particular venue and catering are about £1000 for the amount of guests possibly coming.
Hubby calls her up later to try and figure out what she means. Baisicly she wants to plan and organise the party but we have to pay for it.
She lives at home rent free and has no children or commitments at the age of 33.
My husband and I have a house. 2 kids and various bills and simply cannot spare this amount of cash on a party. She's insisting we are being awful people and that we don't care about or appreciate them.
Oh and can my aunt (a professional cake baker) do a free or heavily reduced cake. And that it's only fair because she did our wedding cake for free so?
Am I really in the wrong here!?
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"description": "going off on my grandparents because they coddle my 10 y/o cousin",
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AITA for going off on my grandparents because they coddle my 10 y/o cousin?
|
Obligatory I’m on mobile. And probably a validation post. Not really sure
Some backstory. My uncle and his girlfriend are genuinely bad people and are in no way capable of raising a child. Thus my grandparents are raising her. Now my cousin has behavioral problems (temper tantrums and refusing to listen to my grandparents.)
Now when I was growing up, my brother had the same behavioral problems and did the exact same thing my cousin does, except he used to take it out on me.
I see the signs on how she acts, and I have told my grandparents a dozen times she is headed down the same route as my brother (which is no good, given where he ended up) She is kicking holes in the wall, busting down doors and having full on meltdowns. I lived with it for 17 years, I know the signs when I see them.
In order to appease my cousin, my grandparents actively let her get away with everything because it’s easier than having her go off on a tantrum and breaking something. Tonight, she had one of her meltdowns because she didn’t get her way, and my grandparents gave into her demands. Once again, I tell them that they really aren’t doing her any favors and that she is doing everything my brother did. An argument ensues between my grandparents and myself, claiming that situations are totally different. I told my grandparents to grow a backbone and learn to tell that kid “no” once and a while and that she needs stronger psychological help than what she is currently getting. That as her primary guardians, they can’t treat her like they would treat a normal grandchild. They say I’m overreacting. AITA?
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AITA (31) M went to one of best friends wedding GF (27) tell me I’m awful because I didn’t give her enough attention
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So I work nights in the local ER I worked the night before wedding got about 3 hrs of sleep then got up and went to do prewedding photos etc. before wedding started I ran and picked up gf. We get there wedding starts best man forgets ring I duck out grab ring back hand it up to him wedding saved. After the ceremony more photos then we ate I was told to set with bridal party so I set and ate check on my gf who was setting friends then caught up with some old friends I hadn’t saw in years. Came and checked on her tried to get her to dance she half heartedly danced then stood there or I talked to someone one. Well I kept walking around catching up with people but checked in periodically never once did she mention for me to hang with her more. At the end of the night she is furious and tells me I didn’t give her enough attention. I also had invited some mutual friends over to our house to hang as the reception was ending at 9 well she lets friends know we are tired and we go home. She astays mad goes to sleep. Today she tells me that her didn’t make her feel romantic and that she didn’t like coming home at 9 it was too early. She also told me all of my friends were boring and she didn’t understand why I was catching up as I wouldn’t see some of these people again for a long time and hadn’t kept in contact with them. Further more she guilted me into calling into work for that wedding evening and then told me today I shouldn’t have asked off we needed the money. I pay all of the
Bills an the majority of the mortgage. Am I the asshole for not setting with her. Another thing is she hates the girl my friend married so there’s that too.
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"description": "being honest",
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AITA for being honest?
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My girlfriend was making a joke about getting a sex change and getting a penis and she was like “would you leave me if I was a man”
And I essentially said yes because I’m a straight man and I said that I’m not attracted to men romantically or sexually
“I'm just like damn I've tried so hard for you over the past year but if you had to call me a different pronoun that wouldn't matter to you anymore” is what I got back” is her exact response to me telling her all this. And things like “well you saying that means our love isn’t unconditional.”
She’s bisexual so I don’t think she can get it but its upsetting bruh
Am I the asshole for this shit?
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"description": "shutting down an acquaintence for being antagonistic",
"pronormative_score": 1,
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AITA for shutting down an acquaintence for being antagonistic
|
I'm not much for the whole giving people shit for fun thing. It irritates me, and I don't care to participate. I expect my friends to understand that and leave me out of it or I walk. I'll volley back once or twice, but if it goes beyond three times, I cut that shit off.
I understand other guys do this, but I don't give af. AITA for expecting others to understand that? I don't think so, but I want to know what others think.
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"description": "finding it annoying when my mother tries to contact my sister",
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AITA for finding it annoying when my mother tries to contact my sister?
|
To give a bit of context - my mother and father have split up for quite a while now, about 8 years maybe, and they really don't like each other. My father is ex-special forces and is pretty 'uptight', but he used to be a solid bloke. I've already had a 'OffMyChest' type thing about him, but the long and short of it is he's a prick. My mother despises him, and uses every opportunity to bring up how horrible a person he is - I agree with her sometimes, but other times I'm uncertain if she's telling the whole truth. I haven't spoken to my dad in about 3-4 years now, and I doubt I'll ever speak to him again, so I can't ask him about any of this.
He kicked me out the house and disowned me (not legally, but might as well have) when I was 15-16 over me taking a fiver off the side (about 6-7 dollars?). There was a lot leading up to it, but I would have thought it was a slap on the wrist affair, not excommunication. I wasn't a difficult kid who stole stuff and drank and smoked crack round the back of Sainsbury's, I basically played board games and read books all my free time. It's also important to note that I lived with him full time for a year while my sisters did 50/50.
My youngest sister is 13, but has the mental age of someone a lot younger. However, I think she knows that people expect less of her because of this and uses it as an excuse to do whatever she wants. Nothing appalling, just making stuff really difficult or time-consuming when it shouldn't be. She was 50/50 between my mum and dad until about 3-4 months ago. The only time my dad contacted her was to write a Christmas card, which he got my other sister to take to her. He kicked her out the house because she was 15 minutes late leaving my mum's/getting to his and told her not to bother coming.
My older sister (15) lives with my dad full time for no apparent reason. She avoids my mother and doesn't talk to her. One day she never came back and never offered a reason why. My mother pandered to my sisters constantly, so I can't think of anything why. My dad will have said something (a year-ish ago) which made her stay or something.
Context over.
So - my mum always tries to contact my sister (15) She would wait outside school, but my sister would run off. She would message her and receive no reply, if she saw her in the street or shops she would try and talk to her. My father is a lawyer (which I'm pretty certain he became in order to get away with something particular - but not important), and this culminated in my mother receiving a non-molestation order. Basically she can't talk to my sister, or try to, or anything like that. Obviously it doesn't sound very good though.
Because of this, my mum has been using me (my other sister isn't bright enough) as a go-between. If I meet up with my sister then she tells me to askt hear questions, to which my sister will says 'I don't know', and when I relay that back to my mother she'll tell me I should have said something different, which is just a rephrasing of what I said. My sister treats it like a game and doesn't take it very seriously, and generally avoids the topic. My mum always asks me what I think she's (sister) thinking and why I think she left, and it really pisses me off that I have to say 'how am I meant to know?' a dozen times.
About me: I struggle emotionally. At the end of one of the questioning sessions my mum often says I have the emotional depth of a teaspoon, and she's tried to get me to go to therapy for it a couple of times. I wasn't too bothered when my dad kicked me out, and I'm not too bothered by not seeing my sister often either. My dad is a clinic psychopath, and I'm assuming I've inherited/learned those sorts of behaviours.
At Christmas I met up with my sister, and my mum had some presents to give her, which she gave to me to give. This wasn't a new phone or a couple of books or some clothes or whatever, but a sack full of presents, embroidered with Christmas-sy stuff. I have it too my sister, who avoided the questions about why she doesn't talk to mum and all that, and went back home, went through the questions from my mum and statements about how I did it wrong.
Fast forward to today: a copper came round to the house with this sack of presents, had a chat with my mum (not sure what about exactly), and left. My mum went through the sack, found all the presents had been unwrapped, and (probably correctly) guessed that my sister had unwrapped them and my dad had said "give them back or go back", the reasoning being my sister would have said 'don't want them', not unwrap them all and give them back. My dad does that often and plays it off as a 'loyalty' thing.
Now (seeing as I've got a bit off topic here), am I the asshole for being annoyed with my mother for trying to contact my sister? Annoyed makes me sound petty, but I can't think of the right word. I think that she fails to see that what she's doing doesn't help her, and is culminating in some serious shit as of late. A few days ago she decided to wait out school again, breaking this order which expires in 3-ish weeks, and was surprised and outraged when the coppers called. I realise that she wants to see my sister and has every right just to sit down with her and ask her why, but I despise being the go-between, I don't like being asked questions I don't know the answer to, and I really hate it when my mum expects that me saying the same shit to my sister as last time will work. I've tried telling her that I don't want to have all these conversations about how my dad's a prick and it's all his fault and why does my sister do this and XYZ, but then my mum goes on a rant about how it's important and I don't care and stuff. I think she fails to recognise that I have my own stuff to sort out with university and similar.
So, AITA?
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AITA Grocery Store Line
|
Crowded grocery store. I walk up to a bit of a line for checking out. Noticed the dude in front of me has allowed a bit too much space between him and the people in front of him. Some random lady steps in front of him. He seems oblivious. I wait a minute or two, and then let the lady know she cut into a line. She hesitates a second, and then says she is sorry and starts to make a move back. However, the dude in front of me then announces he is ok with her there and asks her to stay. So I ask him "why", and he replies "because she is a woman and that is the right thing to do". I let him know that I am agnostic to gender when it comes to sequencing in an line. He then sort of scowls at me, and I decide to get super close to him (I'm sort of like 6'3"), but exchange no further words.
Maybe a two part question:
1) AITA for even bringing it up, or should I should just chill?
2) AITA for my reaction to the dude?
&#x200B;
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"description": "being mad at my ex hosting her ex boyfriend",
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AITA for being mad at my ex hosting her ex boyfriend ?
|
Context: My ex (F24) broke up with me (M24) a few months ago because of personal problems I had to deal with at that time.
We saw each other at parties the last couple of weeks and she basically told me that she wants us to get back together because she miss me so much and she is really sorry about what happened. I also want to get back with her but I would like to take things slowly.
Last week she went to another city to take an examfor her school and she spent the rest of the week there with her friends. She came back on Monday with her ex boyfriend (from 3 years ago) and she told me that he needed to go to an interview here and she was going to host him during the time he stays (3 nights).
However, she only has one bed and he cannot sleep on the couch (too small). I am definitely not ok with the situation and have been giving the cold shoulder since then. She also told me that he was only a friend, that he knew about me and nothing would ever happened between them.
It is not like I don’t believe in friendship with ex but them sleeping in the same bed bothers me.
AITA for being mad at her for hosting her ex boyfriend?
|
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|
AITA for not splitting groceries with my boyfriend?
|
My boyfriend (30M) and I (30F) recently moved in together. We've been dating just under 2 years & we agreed to split rent and bills 50/50. We have similar income levels.
So, I get a food benefit in my job, where my company provides me with breakfast and lunch, coffee/drinks, snacks, etc. And for most of my weekday dinners and weekend meals, I either eat work leftovers (which I am happy to share with my bf) or very cheap groceries - canned black beans, oatmeal, etc. I spend about $25/week on groceries.
My boyfriend's job doesn't provide food, so he spends a lot more on groceries. He suggested that we should also be splitting the grocery bill 50/50. I disagree because I feel like I'm getting the short end of the stick, and I am happy to just to cook and eat separately for the most part.
I should say I think he views splitting food as having an emotional benefit primarily, with a secondary convenience factor. Groceries aren't a financial burden at our income levels. I don't think he cares about the financial part much. I care about the financial part because I have aggressive savings goals.
We had a recent conflict about this because I came in late from a flight one night, and our city is covered in exceptional amounts of snow right now so all the grocery stores and restaurants were closed down. I ate a small amount of his food that he offered me - a protein bar and some milk and cereal. The next morning he made coffee and breakfast and offered some to me while I was still in bed, I had about a cup of coffee and declined the food just because I wasn't feeling like that particular meal right then.
After that we went to the grocery store together and he wanted us to split the bill from the groceries he bought himself. I was like, we talked about this and agreed not to split and just eat our own food, and he said "oh so the food and coffee you had yesterday just fell out of the sky then?" I said that I would be happy to pay him for that given the exceptional circumstances, and he said no, he just wishes we were combining our households more.
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{
"description": "ignoring my old friend's gestures",
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|
AITA for ignoring my old friend's gestures?
|
I've known 'A' for a long time. She's a really cool girl, and we were friends for awhile. Me and her partner 'B' knew each other before they met, and he's also a super cool dude. Me and 'A' kind of lost contact after I moved for work, but I have since moved back.
Now when I get back 'A' is super happy to see me. I'm happy to see her too. It's all good, but it starts to get a little weird over time. We start to run into each other a lot, 'A' and 'B', and 'A' is like constantly being VERY friendly with me, adjusting my tie, rubbing me a lot, things I would consider to be a little flirty, especially if the person is married. She does this in front of 'B' and friends, and I can see it makes both of us uncomfortable, but I don't know what to do yet.
I thought it was just me at times, but mutual friends start to comment on how it's a bit weird, but I'm thinking, ehh, she's a few years older than me, and we were never like that. I'm in my early 20's. Well, she starts texting me about her relationship and how it's not what she thought. She's askin me for advice, but I tell her I have no experience being married, and there isn't anything I can help her with. The texts start to get a bit ... Weird, and I feel like it's crossing a line.
I start to avoid her, and ignore her calls and texts. When she sees me I say hi, but try to avoid interacting with her. She said I am ignoring her now, in a half joking way, and I feel bad now, but the way she acts is kind odd I feel.
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"description": "not wanting to using my daughters christmas present from the in laws",
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|
AITA for not wanting to using my daughters christmas present from the in laws?
|
My daughter is 11 months old (9 months on christmas) and my in laws odviously got her gifts. They got her a tickle me elmo which she loves, plays with it all the time. They also got her a potty. Which my husband and I havent taken out of the box. We dont expect her to even potty train her till shes aboug 2+. I dont think it was the best gift for her age but I still appreciate it and plan to use it hen the time was right.
Well we saw the in laws and they mentioned "how does she liked the potty" which my husband and I did that "who wants to say it" look at each other. He said we didnt even take it out of the box. They both gave us shit all night long, and told us she doesnt need to use it but at least sit/pretend. Thats how he (step father in law) had his kids potty trained at 18 months ect.
I mean shes so young. I understand where they are coming from and thats how they wanted to parent their children. I understand its advice I may not agree with but now I think they expect us to have it out of the box when they come over next time. I dont feel like i want to take it out until my daughters ready, but dont want to hear them give me crap again. This is rare we disagree on things, and normally we get along super well.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
3dqLhLTUsCgfNxS0fFNof3sgGqvUF8EJ
|
anya2c
|
{
"description": "having my gay friend in my phone as \"Buttfucker Bobby\"",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITA for having my gay friend in my phone as "Buttfucker Bobby" ?
|
I have a gay friend named Bobby. We've known each other for years and his being homosexual has never even been a topic of conversation other then me initially finding out. He's gay, big deal.
Anyways, I have nine contacts in my phone named "Bobby". For some reason I just know alot of people with that name. At one point I even sent a text to the wrong one since I was typing too fast on my phone. I didn't even realize I had sent the wrong text until I got the response. So after that I began to put them in my phone under different nick names. I've got "Swole Bobby" (he's my buddy who I work out with", I've got "Skateboard Bobby" for obvious reasons and I've got "Buttfucker Bobby" because he is the only gay one.
The other day we were in the car together and I was using my phone for directions, so I gave it to him to man since I was driving and I don't like being on my phone while driving. Apparently he started going through my phone and got to my messages and saw a conversation with "Buttfucker Bobby." It didn't take him long to put two and two together and realize that it was him. He got really upset and started accusing me of being homophobic. I thought he was joking at first since we've been friends for years and the insinuation of me being homophobic and staying friends with someone who I obviously knew was gay seemed ridiculous to me. He started grilling me on it and I offered him the exact same explanation that I gave above, even showing him the other nicknamed Bobbys in my phone.
Anyways, this was two days ago and he is still angry at me and claiming that I'm a homophobe. So I'll ask you guys. Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
tDNLSxA6uMjwThSEUNRUtWPabQopLnSN
|
awyd02
|
{
"description": "wanting to charge three girls for the night to sleep on our boat for Spring Break",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to charge three girls for the night to sleep on our boat for Spring Break
|
A couple of friends and I rented a boat for spring break, and one of the friends knows three girls that need to sleep somewhere that night because their hotel reservation isn't until the next day. This boat barely sleeps the group of us guys. My friend doesn't even know all of the girls coming. I wanted to charge them $15-20 each for the night because I thought that was a reasonable price. They will probably be paying upwards of $100 a night to stay at their hotel, so I don't see how $15-20 is unreasonable. Everyone, including the friend that knows the girls, believes that they planned to fly in early to use us for the boat. Am I the asshole for wanting to charge for the night? They would have two weeks from today to find other places to stay or agree to pay $15-20.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
01b73GF0jddGrePdaHcKxhvPNWryBEn4
|
9zlat0
| null |
WIBTA "family photos"
|
Long story short. My MIL demands family holiday photos every holiday. She can be down right evil to me and does it as she pleases.
Today she for the 3rd or 4th time ( she does this every photo we take) made the comment of " why can't you smile right? what's with your face doing that?" To which I told her I was sorry i had a bad smike/ funny face. ( my teeth are bad and it makes me feel very unattractive) she then commented how they hadn't had a good photo in a couple of years( I've been in the family 2 years) would I be the asshole if at Christmas I refuse to be in the damn couch photo?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
OFl8hUIozeBZIQmr8PkfdkFT7PREcLOJ
|
atofch
|
{
"description": "being upset with my family for letting my cat suffer",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset with my family for letting my cat suffer?
|
I've been sick since the weekend and I was quarantining myself in my room to avoid getting my family sick. I thought I was doing a nice thing by doing that. Unfortunately my kitty cat took a turn for the worse and I had to put her down :(
She was an older cat, but still had a bit of spunk in her until the last week or so. I noticed before I got sick that she seemed to be more tired than usual, but nothing alarming.
Well the other day I happened to be home sick and I went to get water and I came across my kitty cat. She was laying in a weird way and when I tried to get her up she was limp.
I immediately rushed her into the vet and she sadly had to be put down. I am really sad and miss her dearly but in the shape she was in when I found her, it was definitely her time.
However, after all of this, I find out that my family knew she was in bad shape and did nothing! 3 days before this mess (when I started getting sick and went into quarantine), my kitty was not looking so great. I found this out because after I gave news to my mom about the kitty passing away, she immediately knew what I was talking about (which made me suspicious). I then probed for more information and she said "Yea she's been like that for a while" WHAT?!
So they knew and did nothing!
When I had taken my poor kitty in, I was told she had tumours in her tummy and was in liver failure (they checked her ears and they were yellow!). I can't imagine all of the pain and discomfort my poor kitty was in!
I was so fed up that when I was talking with my mom today I lost it. I basically told her it was unacceptable that poor kitty had to be in this kind of pain. She responded "Well your dad didn't want to spend the money". So I basically said to her how much pain this poor cat would have been in to be in liver failure. And I was met with no sympathy at all, just "Well I wanted to take her in but dad said no".
They ended up having to pay to have her put down anyway, so WHY was it such a big deal? They left her to suffer and for that I am having a hard time coping.
An aside to this: The conversation got even more intense and I told them how I feel like I don't belong in the family (I am the black sheep) and how I am having a hard time being back home (I moved back home a few years ago, can't afford to move out sadly, though I contribute to the bills).
My family is sexist and my mom outright admitted to that and basically said I had to get over it.
So anyway, I'm left feeling really angry at my family, as if they don't care at all about my feelings or anyone else's (this issue with my kitty proves it to me!). It makes me so mad my poor baby had to suffer! I hope she wasn't suffering long!
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
hQ5oE8TbICTW4DfqmLyOE5y6rU76Vcei
|
ai6bke
|
{
"description": "not really being excited for my brother fiancee's pregnancy",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not really being excited for my brother fiancee's pregnancy?
|
They've been together for a year (as of 5 days ago), got engaged at 4 months together, moved in together at 3 months, and now she's pregnant. He just turned 23 and she's 22. Now, this normally isn't an issue with me but they just aren't set up financially to have a kid right now.
Normally, I would be excited but they just don't have their shit together, plain and simple. She dropped out of school and quit her job back before Christmas & my brother is apprenticing to be a mechanic so he's making $15/hr currently. She hasn't mentioned whether or not she's going to find a new job or not anytime soon.
As of right now, I'm not super excited because it's going to be tough on them to raise a kid and I believe that they just aren't in the place to raise a child right now. Our mom isn't too pleased either (she flat out told them), just because she knows that my brothers fiancee is flat out broke (they rent a condo from our moms boss and I guess her parents have been paying her side of the rent) and that they are going to be struggling.
I told them congratulations and that I'm happy for them, but I'm just not as excited as I should be. Mostly because I'm worried for them.
So am I the asshole for not being super excited about being an aunt just because I'm worried about their financial situation and how they're going to deal with this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
kjXWerJ2xmVZdxPmBHwVefT8pUoEf2ue
|
azp2j1
|
{
"description": "showing her hypocrisy to her",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
WIBTA for showing her hypocrisy to her?
|
Long story, any who, three years ago I met this girl on a dating app we started seeing each other. (Currently I’m M22 and her F21) Things were going superbly well and I fell for her. 3 months later I asked to become official, she said no but wanted to be friends. I was very hurt.
Eventually she just up and ghosted me. She blocked me on snap (our main conduit for conversation) and I let it be. For a few months I was quite sad, but moved on.
Well, 8-9 months later she randomly unblocked from snap and I remember having a story up and she responded to my story like nothing ever happened. I was stunned, but acted calm and barely acknowledged it. So for a year we just snapped randomly. Maybe having a tiny conversation here and there. I didn’t mind it and really didn’t think anything about it. Well the end of summer ‘18 rolled around and for some reason we decided on meeting. I haven’t seen her irl for 2 years and so I was a bit nervous. We met up and the experience was great! We caught up, laughed, enjoyed each other’s company and overall it was just fantastic. After that we continued to snap each other. It got to the point where we were talking daily. We met up a few more times and each time was better than the last. Also I must mention she had a boyfriend of quite while at this time and I knew of this but didn’t really care. I was just appreciating having her in my life. Well after about 3 months of talking everyday I started to fall for her again and to my surprise she broke up her boyfriend around the time I realized my feelings, so I was absolutely astounded.
Well some time went on and then a few weeks after their break up we had a chat over text about us. I wish it was in person but we weren’t both in town at the time. Any who it boiled down to me saying how much I cared about her, but since she just got out of a relationship I completely understood why she didn’t want to rush into anything. Plus we are graduating college soon and all that stuff. She agreed with this and thanked me for my understanding and she said that she thought I was a really great guy as well and she really didn’t want things to go down the same route as last time by her ghosting me and all that. I felt so relieved and overall it was a good conversation.
Well, after that we hung out in person a few more times. Every time went great and we continued to talk everyday, but then all of sudden she stopped responding. She kept saying how busy she was and I understood. Any who she hasn’t talked to me in about a month and I’m just broken. I think about her all the time and it hurts to know someone led me on so hard and I cared so much for them. Like “fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me” right?
Any who WIBTA if I sent her a screenshot of the text she sent me that night we talked about “us” on how she didn’t want to do that to me again? I know it’s probably petty, but I just want her to know...what do you guys think?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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|
EVERYBODY
|
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|
WRONG
|
fi0uCtca8l7sXLGHwrDIkjDhEAbUdpHs
|
azl2bj
| null |
AITA because My(19M) GF(20F) is mad that I'm spending time with our mutual friend(20sF)?
|
Here's some background, this girl used to cheat on her boyfriend with me back in high school. Well, she died recently and since then I have been dating her best friend (my current GF). My old fling's cousin (our mutual friend) has wiggled her way into my life in the past few days and she looks almost exactly like her dead cousin.
I care about my GF and I obviously know that this cousin of my high school gf isn't really her, but I can't help it that they look so alike. My GF has noticed how I act around this other girl and gets upset with me. Me and the girl don't hang out alone that much and when we do we're usually in public (we live in a small town). We were all hanging out together one night when my GF just yelled at me and ran off, since then she's been distant and disappears for long periods of time. The last time she spoke to me was to say that I wasn't bright and that I should just date the other girl instead.
AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
INFO
|
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|
WRONG
|
tSBnBcHg88bPTVy7jQfwJbSXz156nuFG
|
a6ulq4
| null |
AITA - Family & Money Disagreement
|
A few weeks ago, my parents were on vacation in Minnesota while I was in Kentucky for work (we both live in Indiana). They boarded their dogs for the week and I returned to town on Friday, but they weren’t scheduled to come back until Saturday. I offered to pick up the dogs and watch after them, otherwise they’d have to wait until Monday after work. It cost about $500, which, being the person picking them up, of course I paid.
So a few weeks go by and checking my bank statements (I’m monitoring closely because I started construction on a new house and will need to make the down payment at closing), and realize I was never reimbursed. Now, I’ll frequently do things for them (like pick up lunch they called in, etc.) that I pay for and let it slide because picking up the tab every once in awhile is something I can and probably should do, and because, let’s be honest: they’re my parents and I will always owe them more than I could repay.
But $500 is a fairly significant sum for an unexpected expense that I incurred as the result of a goodwill gesture, and it’s not an amount I’m comfortable with neglecting (especially while in the process of buying a house). So I shot my dad a quick ‘hey, I noticed you never paid me back, if you wouldn’t mind wiring a reimbursement, I’d really appreciate it’ text. I got no answer until he visited me a couple days later. What ensued, to summarize, was essentially an uncomfortable hour-long lecture that he was disappointed in me for being too concerned about money and that I need to be more generous with my finances because God will take care of me, which ended in me not getting my money back.
Now, I get that there’s more to life than money and it should by no means be your sole concern, but I feel the lesson missed the mark in this instance and I am still rather irritated he essentially just robbed me for $500. After all, if there was a target for my generosity, it should not, I would think, be him; he made more in bonuses last year than my whole salary and is worth ~$1.5m. I understand that in his mind it’s about the lesson, not the money, and that the amount is negligible (or is to him).
To be fair, he somewhat frequently treats me to lunch, includes me on the occasional vacation, etc. I’m certain his contributions to me far outweigh any I’ve made to him. Disregarding the difference in disposable income that provides the means to be ‘generous,’ my point, I guess, would be that his offerings (for lack of a better word) are made willingly, whereas mine typically (and especially in this instance) were assumed/demanded.
My question to Reddit: AITA for being miffed by this ‘transaction?’ Am I, in fact, too concerned with money and being stingy? Do I need to just suck it up and accept that family has a different perception on the bounds of ownership when it comes to money?
Thanks for your insights.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
XoU7bOEmgwr2lTPdhKlFKz5xg75Yqiz8
|
aumunt
|
{
"description": "terminating someones work contract who is addicted to hard drugs",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for terminating someones work contract who is addicted to hard drugs.
|
http://imgur.com/krBlBcW
A member of staff is about to have their contract terminated but it has come to my attention that they are quite possibly addicted to hard drugs.
Does it make me an asshole if I fire them and possibly cause them to become homeless / turn to a worse way of making money?
They are being fired for stealing company goods, this is at my discretion and I am able to allow them to continue to work at the store if I decided to.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
el2cuxJY7r7MKJf6mCVdsrZItcOZH8c8
|
ackb2l
|
{
"description": "telling my wife that her sister and bf can't move in with us",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For telling my wife that her sister and bf can't move in with us?
|
We have a 18 month year old and we are fine the way we are, we live in a 3 bedroom house, the extra room is for when we have guests and for our future children, now she suggested her sister and bf moved in a helped us with the rent (which we can both afford with no issue), but here's my issue and you guys might think it's a shit post after this but it's true, when me and my wife have sex we can be loud most of the times so we usually do that when our son's asleep and I told her that I do not want to change the way we do it just because they're around but then my wife tells me that she's already talked about that with her sister and she says she don't mind that she's the same way with her bf, to me honestly I like my privacy and I don't want to be heard when erre doing it nor I want to hear when they're doing it to me that's very uncomfortable, so AITA for telling her that?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
HFqKyylhIB3UUTfmJZfxtTMJ744WhYE3
|
b6mf3i
|
{
"description": "asking a girl if that's her \"natural hair color?\"",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I asked a girl if that's her "natural hair color?"
|
There's a lady I work with who intrigues me. She has raven colored hair but light colored eyes...I can't remember exactly what color but I think they are hazel or green. I'm a happily married man so I have no intention of hitting on her, although I must admit that I think she's beautiful in a very exotic sort of way. She is obviously American but she seems to have some sort of Mediterranean ancestry if I had to guess.
Anyway, I can't tell if this is her natural hair color. The hair color is very even, so there's not a hint that it's dyed. But it's possible that she is one of those rare people that have dark hair and light colored eyes.
I was talking to a colleague of mine about this and she says it's rude to ask people if that's their natural hair color. Is that true? If so, what's a more tactful way I can satisfy my curiosity?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
o9X1wnHDRSEymFcuHq4l1FoxOgIN6D2Y
|
9vvdns
|
{
"description": "despising the hypocritical side of my mom",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for despising the hypocritical side of my mom?
|
Don't get me wrong, I don't hate her. She makes sure I have meals, and a clean house to live in, but god damn she is so hypocritical. Let me explain:
\- She *says* (two years ago) that she is going to quit watching k-drama (since they take up soooo much time), and here we are, two years later and she is still hooked watching k-drama
\- She *says* (also two years ago) that she is going to start losing weight, and fix her eating habits, but she hasn't done any of that.
\-She *says* she is going to start reading more, but she also hasn't done any of that.
\- She also really rubs it in when I drop something fragile (plates and the such, nothing that can't be replaced). She goes to rant on how she warned me about this beforehand, and that she called it and whatever the such, but when she drops a plate, she doesn't say anything. Nothing at all. She doesn't even get mad or frustrated at herself for doing something like that. But whenever me and my siblings do this, she gets all high and mighty about it.
Every time I remind her that she's not supposed to be watching k-drama or something she just says "Oh, this episode is almost done! I'm almost finished", and then she proceeds to watch 3 more episodes. Every time I remind her to stop eating, she does the same thing; "I'm almost done." etc etc.
&#x200B;
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
n8NUGlLnsTsPYzswHNO96sC0hnBhJXVW
|
aroxkk
|
{
"description": "talking with my professor about a parter not fulfilling his end",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for talking with my professor about a parter not fulfilling his end?
|
Im in a physics class where we do labs each friday. At the beginning, before our first report, we made some agreements on deadlines. We said before monday we would have 2/3 of the report done unless we hit roadblocks. The reason I wanted this was so we could ask the prof if we had any questions. The remaining 1/3 is to be done by Wednesday. My partner has never stuck to this schedule. I usually do a large chunk of the report, and he doesnt even touch it until Wednesday. This was never too much of an issue until he went to start his share and couldnt figure it out. I ended up spending two hours trying to walk him through it and then just did it myself. He makes excuses and says he works weekends, but so do I and im sure most people in that class do as well. He says im being unfair to him because hes a busy person and it really shouldnt matter if hes getting his work done. WIBTA if I spoke with my teacher about my partner?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
6TRyik7xEdUd8SuKzSFyMUalNdHpMA95
|
ar8s3v
|
{
"description": "confronting my girlfriends wonderful mother",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for confronting my girlfriends wonderful mother.
|
Girlfriends parents were suppose to go to this expensive hotel for a day, but got into a fight and decided not to go.Tried convincing their friends to go for half a price since you cant cancel it, but no one wanted.
Offered us to take their place instead for "free" (actually never said free, but something like this: All expenses are paid, you dont have to worry about anything)
Felt kinda bad and gave the mother 50 euros atleast.
After an amazing night we found out that we have to pay 200 euro.Confronted the mother and she basically told me to fuck off.Gave my 50 back and went on a rant how hard is it for her now, because she needs a new car and so on.Excuse me, but what the fuck? I have like 1500 to my name, I cant afford a hotel like this.Also she wanted to give to her friends for a 100.Called her two faced moron and left.Now her husband, mother(grandma) called me and told me that I should apologize, how I am even capable of treating older person like that.Girlfriend told me that all her family is talking about me, what a diva I am, and If I took half from my girlfriend I am not a MAN.
&#x200B;
Am I being the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
zYyMImdsEvbDsplpgFOuujNqQGAfCpsn
|
b6i4t1
|
{
"description": "not wanting to give my ex a ride to school anymore",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to give my ex a ride to school anymore?
|
So here’s a bit of backstory to everything and yes I’m still in highschool and I’m starting to realize how stupid this all is now that I’m typing it out BUT I used to give my ex a ride to school everyday since she didn’t like to ride the bus and my house was less than five minutes from hers so it was no big deal.
One day she texts me while we are at school that she wants to break up because of her mental state. I had no problem with this and we agreed to remain friends which to me it’s better the be friends than to be nothing at all. She asked if I could still take her to school in the mornings and I said yes. My friends know the story as well and kept telling me to stop giving her rides because it seems like she is just using me to take her to school, now I’m not sure if this is true or not but they also said it would help out with my mental state too by not being with her every morning because they are well aware that I still have feelings for her and she doesn’t for me.
I agreed with what they said and it was hard from me atleast to tell her that I’m not going to give her rides anymore and that she would have to take the bus again, I feel like a dick about it and I said sorry about it as a last word kind of thing. Am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "buying lunch for myself and my daughter out of my family's joint bank account",
"pronormative_score": 22,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for buying lunch for myself and my daughter out of my family’s joint bank account?
|
My husband and I share a joint checking account, and we each have individual accounts as well. Our “rule” is that if we do things like a meal together, it’s out of the joint account, and if it’s something on our own we use our individual accounts.
This week we’re vacationing with his family, and his parents gave us a relatively large sum of money “for expenses on the trip.” This went into our joint account and we’ve used it to pay for things like amusement park tickets and the extra costs of being away from home.
Today we’re all visiting an art museum together, he and his family decide they’re tired and they’ve seen enough boring old paintings, and leave me and my daughter (not his own—we’re a blended family) at the museum while they go do their own thing for the afternoon. While they’re gone, he and his family go to lunch, and his parents pay for that lunch.
My daughter and I stay at the museum, eat lunch in the cafeteria there, and I pay for it out of the joint account. I figure that’s fair, because we were given the money specifically to pay for expenses on the trip. To me, it seems like his parents paid for his meal in person, and my meal by giving us the money to buy it ourselves. Same either way, right?
But now I’m being told that I’m greedy and selfish because I used *our* money to pay for *my* needs.
Yes, I violated our rule but this circumstance seems obviously different to me. Is there a side I’m not seeing? Am I a greedy, selfish asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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fAE8H4HkrC71w8s01bm7wcacCRbZmxeG
|
a4u3gg
|
{
"description": "being honest with my mum",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for being honest with my mum?
|
Ok so it may be a little long sorry. On my ph too so probaly doesn't help.
I am currently on holiday with my mum, dad, brother and son.
This holiday has been good apart from my mum constantly being negative and aggressive, especially about money.
Background: my mum and dad split up 6 months ago. Which is after we had our tickets and accommodation booked and paid for.
We all had around 1000 each for spending money which for where we are is a great amount. The issue is my mum is harboring resentment towards my dad and can't hold it in. (My dad is quite easy going most of the time and the reason they aren't together is because she didn't want to be anymore which is her choice of course i have no issue with that).
We went to lunch and my brother offered to pay on his card and only asked for 20 from each of us. My mum gave her 20 then got agressive when my dad paid his 20. (Cause he has to pay more than anyone right?) She went on for ages about it and still hasnt dropped it. (She thinks my dad is ripping us off)
Today she got aggressive over a refillable drink that was my dads but my brother wanted to pay to refill it. His money his choice right? Well nooooooo can't do that dads ripping us off.
Also today she had a conversatio with my dad about the events we were doing.
My dad says he said if you're not happy why don't you find something to do that you like?
My mum says she was told to f**k off and have her own holiday
I was unaware of what my dad actually said and when she told me the f**k off part i said " well im not surprised after the way you have treated him"
That has now been turned into me telling her to f**k off and have her own holiday.
She is now crying saying how offended she is and telling us that she won't forget this
Am I The Asshole for being honest woth her?
|
HISTORICAL
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axp3vz
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{
"description": "being upset when my ex-fiancé got engaged 6 months later",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for being upset when my ex-fiancé got engaged 6 months later?
|
When we first broke up she established that she wanted to remain friends. We had been together for almost 5 years, so she was essentially my best friend. Now I tried my best to give her space when she asked for.
I respect her whole heartedly, but I just found out she said yes to another man. It eats at my core and I confronted her about it. When I did I got attacked for it not being my business, and not being supportive in her decisions. I was takin aback by all of this, because even though I’ve done my due diligence to stay out of her way when it comes to romantic relationships it hurt me a lot to find this out.
The worst part is I only found out because I put my car on Facebook marketplace. Everyone of my friends knew, but no one told me. I got angry, but I don’t understand why she can be upset at me for being upset.
Also as a side note, the guy showed my best friend the ring and told him he was going to propose. I flipped out about that, but who has the audacity and insecurity that he would tell her ex-fiancés best friend? I’m still fuming at this point, but I do wonder AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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MCrZxZ37F1UBh3RJxXG6Iy8ZGz3HLFzK
|
b43x9e
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{
"description": "breaking up with my gf after she found out that I watched porn",
"pronormative_score": 58,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA for breaking up with my gf after she found out that i watched porn
|
hey, first of all, thx for the judgement on my last post.
yesterday evening, my girlfriend (27) of a year and me (m27) wanted to watch a movie, i had already opened the shining on netflix and went to the toilet real quick. when i came back, lina looked at me kind of shocked and said that she wanted to brows netflix and accidently hovered over one of my bookmarks, where she found porn sites. They are pretty old bookmarks from like 4 years ago (I know, stupid on me to leave them) and I told her exactly that. She then asked whether i watch porn, and I said that while I haven't watched it in a while 'cause I'm super happy with our sexlife, I have watched it while we're in a relationship.
That's where her whole world fell apart, she started crying, said she is disgusted.. I said it doesn't mean anything at all, that she is my center of attention and the one who i desire over everything and that our sexlife is awesome, and that i did it because we're in a long distance relationship and it can get my imagination going etc. She said that makes it worse. She is disgusted and humiliated that i would masturbate to other women's bodies, and to see them cum, and that i lied when i told her a couple of days ago that she is the only one i want, she says that i don't suffice her. she says apparently the nudes she sends me aren't enough, and i said that i love them over everything and masturbate to them all the fucking time. i tried to explain and explain, that for me it isn't attached to feelings, just visual, but she didn't want to hear it, said to go fuck myself etc.. but to be honest i can also understand her, and told her that i would never watch porn again, and that it's reasonable to demand that, but she doesn't want that either.
i'm in her country (europe) for the whole month, and to be honest, the last weeks weren't really easy either, she is quite insecure because of the distance and pretty emotional also.. i tried to console her the rest of the evening but it didn't work at all, she only said that she thought i wasn't like that, that something's broken.. she was inconsolable, and when it was kind of time to sleep, i asked her several times what position would help her the most so that i can cuddle her, and she said several times just sleep in your sleep position. i did that and then she said how i could really leave her to sleep like that.. i tried to console again and tbh became frustrated, and said i'm really trying to do everything to help you her and it's still not enough maybe that's where i am the asshole? i didn't really want to excuse either, and said that i didn't really do anything wrong, maybe also asshole? sorry for this blur, i'm emotional and clueless to and promised not to speak to friends about it..
I don't know what to do, i feel on a communicative level we're not really compatible.. she cried so much and is so sad and broken on the inside, WIBTA for ending it when she comes back from work tonight?
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HYPOTHETICAL
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|
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ad4r8l
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{
"description": "pissing off my coworker with water bottles and other antics to the point of him writing me an explicit note",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for pissing off my coworker with water bottles and other antics to the point of him writing me an explicit note?
|
Myself (20) and a coworker (50ish) share the responsibilities of delivery driver at the hardware store owned by my family. Although i'm not new to the store itself, i've only recently become the driver for 3 days a week whilst the other 2 are covered by him, as I work weekends as well. This arrangement was prompted by our 5 day a week driver moving on to another job.
About a week into my start as delivery boy, my coworker mentioned that I needed to stop leaving empty water bottles in the truck (it's been hot so I buy cold water). It seemed mostly polite, but upon reflection, there was a serious undertone, and the way he jokingly grabbed the back of my neck may have been what prompted me to make it my mission to hide at least one water bottle a week somewhere in the truck. Petty, i know, but i'd be lying if I said it wasn't just a little satisfying. Fast forward a couple of months to late last week, another coworker notified me of a handwritten note sitting in the truck and when they opened the door they were showered by 9 or so of my water bottles, a booby trap intended for me, no doubt. This is the note, word for word minus our names -
*"\*Accriat\*, AFTER HAVING ASKED NICELY YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE NO RESPECT FOR ME OR ANYONE ELSE* *WHO USES THE TRUCK. CLEAN UP YOUR FUCKING MESS. THIS IS NOT A GARBAGE TIP I ALSO LEFT MOST OF THE RATCHET STRAPS* (Ties used to strap loads onto trucks) *ROLLED NEATLY FOR EASE OF USE. THANKS FOR THE 15 FUCKING MINUTES OF KNOTS YOU LEFT ME -\**coworker not amused by my water bottle antics\*"
Firstly, yes, the whole thing was written in caps.
In regards to the ratchet straps being tangled, our roles beyond delivering are a bit different, as in, he works 2 days a week and spends the whole time in the truck and away from the store itself. Because I also work in store, I have expectations in store. So whilst we do the same average amount of deliveries per day, i'm usually going back and fourth serving customers and contacting suppliers. He's right though, he often leaves the straps neatly rolled which is nice but not super necessary (rolling the straps takes almost as long as untangling) and is usually not high up on my list of priorities when I always work through morning tea break and cut my lunch breaks short. In his defence I did just dump the 3 straps I used on the passenger seat, and, not that he knew, but I did so because we had a few urgent deliveries called in that afternoon, so whilst I was paid until 4:30, i worked until 6:00, meaning I couldn't care less that I left straight after.
As silly as the water bottle thing is, I made sure not to leave any other rubbish besides water bottles so I wouldn't describe it as dirty.
So reddit, AITA?
&#x200B;
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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dbyQhL4eBhe7BBdIGZ7EuxM6pOOz2iR7
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apo1k5
| null |
AITA asked a coworker/friend to play a game online. It's not the friend, instead it's his 8 year old son.
|
Am I the asshole if I dont want to play with his son? It feels like I'm babysitting. I'm playing games to relax and have fun. This is neither relaxing or fun.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
fNMK7OhECxnvl7cFHOGV4ES2j9Dnqqpq
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ac0qhi
|
{
"description": "not tattooing my girlfriend at all, let alone for free",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not tattooing my girlfriend at all, let alone for free?
|
I (22m) am a tattoo artist and my girlfriend (30f) is desperate for me to tattoo her in places we are told not to tattoo on people who are not heavily tattooed, and she wants me to do it for free.
I work at a studio where we are told we cannot tattoo hands, necks or faces of people who are not heavily/decently tattooed already because a lot of the time they don't understand how much these tattoos can hinder them getting work. For example, my boss always tells us about the time one of our employees explained the risks of a hand tattoo to a woman but she insisted on it anyway, and when she was fired the week after for "other reasons" she blamed him for doing the tattoo (and that's when the ban was put in).
So. My girlfriend was a medium sized flower tattoo on her neck. She is currently not working, so she also wants it for free. I've explained the risks, she says she doesn't care and all her friends with tattoos have jobs (none of them have very visible tattoos, though) and she says that, because she is my girlfriend, the rules shouldn't apply to her. She also wants to not pay because she's out of work.
I've told her no, but she keeps pestering and I don't know how to shut her down. She mentioned getting the same tattoo somewhere else, and I supported this until she said for free again. I'm not so stingy as to charge my girlfriend, but the size of the tattoo she wants would make it around £200, and our shop has a policy that we have to pay for any tattoos we give for free, which I can't afford to do. When I explained this to her, she said I should sneak it, but I don't want to risk my job for this.
&#x200B;
So, AITA for telling my girlfriend no and not even trying to help her? With my knowledge and experience I don't want to point her in the direction of someone who'll do the tattoo on her neck, because they wouldn't be reputable.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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9tgy6u
| null |
AITA? My GF thinks I lied to her over an insignificant comment.
|
So my GF and I have had some trust issues while in HS (about 2 years ago, we're both two years into uni), but those have all been reconciled with the assumption it wouldn't happen again.
&#x200B;
We got to different unis so we Facetime every night. I was up late, and she was still on the call because I was finishing an assignment. I did not want to stay up late, so I decided that I would finish it in the morning. So I told her that I was done, and she said "oh, you're done already" to which I replied "yes".
&#x200B;
The next night, I told her that I was tired because I woke up to finish it in the morning, and she said "I thought you said you were done last night" to which I replied "Yes, I was done, but I didn't complete the assignment until the morning". This lead to an argument because she considers this lying, and she was clear that she didn't want me to lie to her again.
&#x200B;
Her argument is that I intentionally misrepresented the truth, so it must be a lie. She doesn't like lying at all even if it's about the little things because she believes if someone can lie about little things, someone can lie about big things too.
&#x200B;
I would argue that I wasn't "intentionally misrepresenting the truth", I was simplifying what happened because I did not think all of the details were worth explaining, and I was tired and did not want to explain. There was no intent of misleading her.
I would have just apologized and moved on, but I am frustrated at her reaction. She thinks that I am being ridiculous because I won't admit it is a lie, I think that is it ridiculous that she is this upset of this (saying she's considering breaking up), and that I do not honestly consider it to be a lie. AITA?
&#x200B;
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HISTORICAL
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Qh0A2ibMLLW5NDISJ5AW3vIRk6vSxNrf
|
b290tv
|
{
"description": "hoping my parents get a divorce",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for hoping my parents get a divorce?
|
(I'm 16 years old)
They are horrible for each other. I am sick of hearing them fight and be abusive (physically and mentally). They are just so much better on their own than with each other. It's like they bring out the worst of each other.
Am I selfish? Because I feel like everyone would just be so much better off if they got a divorce. They practically hate each other. No love there, whatsoever. Also, I don't believe in marriage anymore. The only problem is someone would have to win the custody over their 4 children (technically 2 now, because the two oldest are already 18 years old).
When I told my friend she said "Oh my god, how could you say that? You WANT your parents to get a divorce Blabla". She doesn't get it anyway though, her parents get each other Valentine's Day gifts and greet each other by kissing, like, come on.
The question is, am I an insensitive asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
Bf9aBYF7yE5ICyMNdZKDgYKBkHLHXJ2P
|
ajs7dr
|
{
"description": "thinking you should apologize for things you didn't mean to do",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For thinking you should apologize for things you didn't mean to do?
|
This is a huge point of contention between me and my partner. Sorry for the long post and maybe bad formatting.
So me and my SO fight a lot. A LOT. Before you tell me to break up, the last ~6 mo of our relationship has been HEAVILY strained. Family issues, money issues, both of us struggle a lot with a variety of mental health issues and trauma. We don't fight if we are both having a good day and if we do it is resolved quickly and we used to get into screaming matches and worked past it. Getting better.
For me, being apologized to (and apologizing to others) is incredibly important. I have been in a rather emotionally abusive relationship and grew up feeling like people did not care how they treated me. It is very important that if I tell somebody something they said or did made me feel bad - even if they didn't mean to or realize which I always try and acknowledge! - they apologize.
I've explained to my SO it's not an admission of guilt or me wanting to "win" (I apologize a lot because I want people to feel comfortable around me and them to know I am taking into consideration how I have made them feel), but somebody telling me they care about me, don't want me to be hurting or to hurt me, and dislike the fact I *am* hurting.
We get into huge arguments over this. Usually I'm the reason a fight starts because I do have a hard time letting some things roll off my back (I am working on it and getting much more patient!) so I get initially a little upset. I push it a bit - SO hates being told or even asked what to do during an argument because they don't want to feel pressured to do something. So instead I try and emphasize how I feel and how I personally think what they did was rude or inconsiderate or whatever.
They generally don't get the hint and end up snapping at me because I keep talking about it. Then I'll be very upfront and say that's not a way to talk to me, it escalates... Etc. We had a big fight the other day because I have said, I really need you to apologize for things even if it was an accident.
They think this is crazy. I said, "if somebody had leftovers in the fridge and made no attempt to tell you not to eat it, you ate it, and they were a bit upset, would you apologize?" and they think not necessarily. This blows MY MIND. If somebody came to me and said hey you said X and didn't know it would upset me but it did, I WOULD APOLOGIZE!!
AITA for thinking this is... how it should work? Is this ridiculous? I told them, it's not about apologizing foe everything you think I *might* misinterpret. It's that if I (calmly and/or kindly, not being a dick about it!) say you did something hurtful, I shouldn't have to pull an apology out of them!
And yes I have explained how important apologies are to me, what they mean to me etc. They just say well they aren't that way for ME and says I should compromise and not need apologies but.. I just do!
So, AITA???? I'm autistic and have BPD (borderline) so maybe there *is* a chance this sounds equally crazy to other more-normal people.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
|
JxQIVNNOvapf6yZ7Wvr17h0Juh50LajB
|
9uiobt
|
{
"description": "dumping a mentally ill girl",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for dumping a mentally ill girl?
|
I'm in highschool sophomore year. There was this girl and I thought she was cute and just shy so I talked to her and got her number and talked to her for a couple weeks. Things were moving quick and I was already uncomfortable. Then things got crazy. She was texting me like 50 times in an hour begging me to respond. And also, I found out that she goes to special ed classes and she didn't tell me. And there were a couple signs that told me she was slow. But I still rode the crazy train. And then the straw that broke the camels back. I found at that she's been mutilating herself (cutting her arms) and she's depressed and a bunch of stuff. So I dumped her and told her there were too many crazy things that I didn't know about her that she didn't tell me before we got into a relationship. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
WQdH81CL7BRd49csIFxssJ0hqfBMCt7X
|
9yjl4e
|
{
"description": "not wanting to share my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to share my birthday?
|
Throwaway since the situation is specific enough friends would know its me so don't wanna link my usual account...and sorry for the length. This is a bit off my chest as well and I'm a bit of a wreck and not able to think all that well.
My friends and I have an annual holiday party in December, the date of course is never set in stone so that we can be flexible with work schedules.
This year, it so happens that the schedules require that we celebrate early. Very early actually - on the same day I had planned to celebrate my birthday (a Friday).
To celebrate my birthday, the day before is no go - it's a weekday and I had already planned to see Spider-man: Into the Spiderverse, which I had been really super looking forward to (I absolutely love superhero movies). The weekend before is no go - there will be friends out of town. The day after (Saturday) friends will be occupied with company holiday parties.
At first, that Sunday was okay - until they realized the Backstreet Boys concert was happening and in the excitement of buying tickets they forgot the party was going to be on that day.
So now we're back to that Friday being the only option. So they asked, would I be willing to share my birthday party with the holiday party?
Thing is, I really don't want to. This past year, has felt really, *really* super hard for me. I had all four wisdom teeth pulled - one even dry socket (it's incredibly painful for those who have not experienced that).
Then my old car (paid off) broke down, so I had to get a new (used) one. This wasn't something I had planned to do this year considering it was a huge financial decision.
Then I had an allergic reaction to poison ivy - this not only drained my health savings (already depleted because of the wisdom teeth) I actually have yet to pay off everything. It was super painful, got everywhere, especially on my hands where they swelled like crazy and itched. I gave up a camping trip I was really looking forward to, out of fear of *another* medical mallady, poison ivy or otherwise, resulting from it.
Then, my phone (5 years old) was barely functioning (would freeze or delay when writing texts or emails, openning apps...fun) and since I use it for work I got a new one - sounds great, but as I was already stressed over having to pay for a new (user) car *and* paying off my emergency room visit, it was another thing I just really did not want to be spending money on. But its needed for work, so new phone it was.
The relationship I was in with a guy wasn't working out, so we broke it off. It sucks, we had been working on the relationship since early this year and hopped to work through some rough edges but...it just wasn't working. So now I'm bummed out about that.
*Then* I started to experience swelling and rash on my hands *again* but haven't been able to isolate the cause, nor can I afford to address it with a doctor, so I'm taking allegra and using benadryl to try to control it. I'm trying not to make a big deal out of it - no one likes a whiner - but this is really freaking me out.
And then this morning, for the first time in nearly a decade, I cracked my phone. Pretty badly, and it's a *new* phone. I try to take good care of my things so for this to happen, especially to something new, royally sucks ass.
In addition to all this my dieting hasn't gone as well as I've liked this year so I feel like a rotten failure especially since I did so well last year, all the worries and aches have made my sleep terrible this year, and I'm pretty sure my far-sight is going bad but I have no money for an eye exam, let alone glasses and contacts. Work has been insanely busy, which further contributed to added stress. This year has been an unusual acumulation of terrible luck one thing after another and some days I feel like I'm at the end of my rope.
So, back to my birthday, I was really looking forward to it, to something *simple* and calm and not terribly exciting. After this awful and stressful year, I wanted my 30th birthday to be for me and something I have control over. All I wanted was some delivered pizza, cake, and play games with my friends.
Combining it with a larger party where half the people are ones I barely know, where we won't get to sit down and chill with games...I just didn't plan that, I don't *want* that, but if I insist that Friday be for *me* as originally planned...I fear it will cause resentment since that means we have to schedule a day where some people aren't going to be able to make it. I don't want to force people to miss out, but, this isn't just something I can throw away either.
And none of the others had to share their 30th birthday. We've been putting effort into specifically marking everyone's 30th birthday, a little extra this or that - but then *I'm* the one that has to share. I don't think I'd be able to emotionally handle sharing my birthday given how much I was banking on it to be just my day, but if I yield and let that day be just the holiday party, I don't think I'd be able to attend knowing I had to give up my birthday party. And if my friends accept that...I don't know how I'd be able to handle that. We've been friends for nearly 15 years and they should know better, I think,, but maybe they expect me to grow up and share.
I already told them no...but I feel like that answer wasn't liked and I'll be pressured later as the day approaches.
Maybe I just need to grow up?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b0xtzd
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{
"description": "telling my parents they can't stay in my flat while I'm housesitting for them",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my parents they can't stay in my flat while I'm housesitting for them?
|
Alright. Here's another dilemma in the "my parents are moving to my city to live in a stupid tinyhouse debacle" ([see earlier post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/ayf4ec/aita_for_not_letting_my_mother_move_in_with_me/))
So, since I won't let my mother move into the flat that I share with my boyfriend, my parents are coming to my city next week to look for a flat. Now, since I just finished my degree and have some spare time, they asked me and my bf (student on semester break) to come to their house for the 5 days (3hrs away in the middle of nowhere) to house- and catsit. When they asked me this, my stepdad said and I quote: "Don't worry, we wouldn't expect to stay at your place." Because he knows that I don't like the thought of people being in my home whenn I'm not there.
Also, because my mother is so nitpicky and super clean, I just didn't feel like putting several days of work into making my flat presentable to her, only to have her complain like always. However, yesterday I got a message from my stepdad asking whether I might not reconsider letting them stay at my flat, so they wouldn't have to pay for a hotel. A day prior to this he told me that they sold their house and got over 10% over the asking price. So
1. They do have enough money to pay for a hotel.
2. When they initially asked me to catsit for them, they included that they would not stay in my flat.
However, when I told him yesterday that I would only do this now under pressure (because having my stepdad mad at me is really stressful to me) and that I really don't like the idea of people being in my home, he passive-aggressively replied:
"Well, I didn't know we were "people" to you. You are also staying in our house while we're not there. Don't see what the big deal is. But fine. Thanks, anyway."
I feel so annoyed. I already took time out of this week to look at a flat for them, even though they told me like 2hrs before the appointment and agreed to help my stepdad all afternoon tomorrow on their property. They even asked me to come to their house earlier than agreed, although I told them that my bf had a day trip planned for me, since it is my birthday on Sunday. I just feel like they want favour after favour just because I happen to live in the same city that they're moving to.
I mean, yeah I guess my flat is empty while we're house-sitting for them, but does that mean I have to give it to them? His super bitchy reply basically leaves me no choice anyway. But AITA here for telling him that I don't want them here?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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afbc87
|
{
"description": "only feeding my dog once a day",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for only feeding my dog once a day?
|
My family has always fed my dog once a day at dinner time, now I hear people who feed their dogs at breakfast and dinner time and some people do it at breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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6SyGsSKSXGzr0Zkjs5X0K2G7Xf7yrmVU
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aiguiu
|
{
"description": "hating my girlfriends little brother",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for hating my girlfriends little brother?
|
Me (M 15) and my girlfriend (F 15) have been dating for quite a while now. The relationship is amazing and we haven't gotten into any major arguments. But we do have one issue, her younger brother (11). The first time when I went over to her place I thought he reminded me of myself when I was his age. A bit wild, liked to play a lot etc. BOY WAS I WRONG. This kid is off the hook, he hits my girlfriend, yells at his parents, and just doesn't listen. Ive tried to calm him down, and I've been close to losing my cool for hitting my girlfriend. I mean I understand he's a young age but even I wasn't this wild. Me and my girlfriend can't even have two seconds together alone when I'm over. I set the mood, things get steamy, then bam he's coming through the door and won't leave, and it's not like we can lock the door. My girlfriend tries to tell him to stop and chill out, but he just doesn't listen. The parents threaten him with punishments (that never go through) but he still keeps acting up. I barely get to see my girlfriend at school and when I'm at her house is the only time we get to our selves. Am I really the asshole for hating him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
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appnp5
|
{
"description": "hating my brother who may have cancer",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I hate my brother who may have cancer?
|
So, delete if this isnt appropriate. This is my first time posting on reddit.
So, I have an older brother. We both come from different dads. Unfortunately he had a pretty shitty upbringing; he was really badly psychically abused (not by our mother). Ever since we were kids he was... odd. He never seemed really THERE emotionally. We were never really close. He lied. A LOT. Started drinking in his VERY early teens behind out moms back. Got into drugs. But, there was just something cold and numb about him. Maybe it was because he was 4+ years older than me, but I genuinely think he is a psychopath. I remember he stole some eggs from a chickadee nest and threw them against a barn door. They were days, maybe even hours from hatching by the looks of what came out of the eggs.
Yeah. Fucked up.
He has been a troublesome kid his whole life. Drinking, drugs, did terrible in school. Just all around rough kid. Our mom would fight with him constantly. Our mom tried so hard to get him to be an upstanding member of society-- just stop getting into shit he wasnt supposed to. It's not like he was being forced into a religion, or anything like that. Our mom just wanted him to stop being a fuck all and get his shit together. So he moves out to go live with his bio dad.
Fast forward a few years; He lies about going to college so our mom can send him money. He spends it on drugs. He attempts multiple times to manipulate her into sending more money. They fight and I am the one to pick up the pieces. It gets so bad my mom starts drinking herself to sleep. He gets a girl pregnant and beats the shit out of her and then abandons them.
Just recently he reconnected with our mom after he supposedly got diagnosed with cancer. Our mom loves him. I am so afraid she will get hurt again and start up her old habits. (I convinced her to get clean about 3 years ago.) She begged me to talk to him. I didnt want to. I dont think he has cancer. He said he accidentally threw out the doctor's papers. I really think he is trying to extort more money. If he is actually sick I would feel fucking terrible, but with his track record? I just dont know. Even if he did have cancer... I really still dont want to talk to him.
TL;DR - My psychopathic, super manipulative brother says he has cancer. I really dont want to talk to him, even if he is telling the truth.
So, AITA if I dont want to talk to my brother who possibly has cancer?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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9yj3mo
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{
"description": "thinking my siblings who are moving back home should be more grateful",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA- for thinking my siblings who are moving back home should be more grateful?
|
So due to bad financial planning (aka neither of them getting a job), my older sister and her husband are moving back in with our parents, which also include our two younger siblings.
It originally wasn’t a big problem when they were talking about it, but now that it’s actually happening, it’s a different story.
They’re both very entitled people who don’t mind complaining the moment they don’t like something.
This includes: someone’s music is “too loud”, someone is in the bathroom when they need to go (mind you, this is one bathroom for 5 people. Second bathroom is in parents room and rarely used), slow internet connection, and even complaining that they need to get rid of certain food because husband is on a diet.
The icing on all of this boils down to a few things though. 1.) demanding my younger brother move out of his room because they need the bigger room. Even though my old room is completely empty since I’ve moved out.
2.) they’re already pulling “we pay rent therefore we can do whatever we want.” Which has pissed my parents off considering they’re doing them a huge favor for letting them move in (rent is 100$ btw) 3.) making snide comments about “if you don’t turn into your dad, I promise I won’t act like *that*” in terms of how my parents act.
I’ve mentioned it to them that they’re being dickish about all of this, but they’re under the impression that it’s what parents are suppose to do for their kids, so it doesn’t matter.
Now I get my family can be annoying sometimes, we’re not perfect at all, but AITA for thinking they should be a bit more respectful? Or at least grateful they have a place to stay?
Or is it because now they’re living there, they do have a say in things?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
rOdFEwpXSId2mPiZAqX0tXp0Z09zOFKv
|
apapnk
|
{
"description": "not wanting a girl to be in our friend group because she keeps making the same repetitive joke about me",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting a girl to be in our friend group because she keeps making the same repetitive joke about me?
|
So, I'm going to give a bit of background about this before we jump right in (sorry about the format I'm on mobile while typing also feel free to tell me if I am being a crybaby or if this post doesn't belong here lol).
Me and my friend group met somewhere in the beginning of the year, we all got along decently despite most of us being from different schools and only knowing each other because of similar classes, some of them even had classes with me but I didn't know they existed until around the 2nd month of the school year. And one of the girls in our friend group I have one of my classes with to this day, this is where our story begins.
So in the morning we usually sit together before homeroom (because people who are on the first two floors are allowed to sit in the cafeteria in the morning before we are sent to our homerooms). And every morning, every day, for 2-3 months now, this girl in our group who has a class with me keeps using the same repetitive joke about me being a basic white girl, EVERY. 15. SECONDS. She literally finds something about me that sounds kinda "basic white girl-ish" and calls me a basic white girl and laughs in my face after that and it makes me feel like I'm being walked all over (also by the way I am in a mostly Hispanic school and I am apart of the minorities, like asians, whites, etc.). Am I a basic white girl? You may ask? Well, kinda, I wear band shirts, I like shopping at hot topic, and I like the 90s and 70s aesthetic (very much), at first the joke was very funny and I actually liked it because everyone was laughing. But it slowly lost it's taste and started being more and more annoying by the day. I get so mad when even thinking about this girl. But you may ask, how many times does she do this in a day, and who does she do it in front of? She does it everytime she sees me, and in front of every one in about a 20 mile radius. And I have slowly gotten to hate her, I have told her to stop but she never really does. Nowadays I just laugh it off, but I do say some awful things behind her back. Sometimes I feel a bit guilty for it (because she's really the only one willing to talk to me in the class besides this other girl) but I feel so much anger towards her that I sometimes feel like screaming. I have actually planned on one day facing her head on and telling her to move to another table and not to talk to me until she stops. She has even done it to another girl in our group for wearing "ugg" esque boots and she wasn't even white. But the only problem with standing up to her is that she would be mad at me and will probably tell all the kids in our class and worsen the situation. The problem got so bad that I even take off on sub zero weather days because if she catches me in my fluffy boots (because over here in the midwest we are having the crappiest part of winter) I won't hear the end of it from her. AITA for wanting to alienate her from the group because my mental health and attendance depend on it?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
6tiREJhAnMIo0mwfCLz0vObeAGTgzIF1
|
a2rj77
|
{
"description": "disliking/arguing with GF over dress code",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 33
}
|
AITA For disliking/arguing with GF over dress code?
|
AITA For disliking it when my girlfriend dresses inappropriately in public? I'm talking booty shorts / dresses that show literal ass when she bends over, crop tops that show underboob, etc. We've had a rough relationship at first but now it's great, i really dislike it when my S/O wears very revealing clothing. I've talked to her about it countless times but she still refuses to listen, calls me an asshole whenever i express concerns. So am i entitled to my girlfriends private parts myself, or am i seen as an "Abusive asshole" that should let my girl cuck me out in public by showing them off to other people as well.
&#x200B;
Really considering leaving her for this. She would 100% go on a rampage if i did anything equivalent (E.G. show off abs/wear sweatpants, i never do, i just use them as an example when i tell her to see things through my eyes and how she would like it if i did the exact same thing, and she immediately gets very upset).
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
XP6D44pfGjIbq2Qdm07rCqK8Lvmlt5eY
|
aymvxr
|
{
"description": "having a girl-friend while having a girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA For Having a girl-friend while having a girlfriend?
|
So I just moved to a new city for my 3rd and 4th years of college and I've been trying to meet some new friends. I never really had many but now I REALLY didn't have any besides my girlfriend of 3 years that came along with me to go to the same college. It's been about 2 months now and I finally met a new friend. She approached me and we started talking as normal people do when they first meet. After a few days of still talking I let my girlfriend know that I was talking to this person (in a friendly way) and she kinda flipped about it, saying how I need to only have guy friends or something like that. I told her that I'm with her and I have no plans on leaving for another woman, even if they were interested in me. I even made it clear to the new friend that I am in a relationship with me, asking her if her intentions were to find a partner (They were, but that's cleared out of the way now, obviously). Her and I are hanging out tomorrow to do laser tag with one of her friends that just flew in and I told my girlfriend and she did not like it. I basically told her that if I wanted to be with someone else I would just leave her rather than cheat and that she should stop being so paranoid. Am I missing something or is there a set-in-stone "hidden" rule to follow to where this type of relationship can't happen?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
9uj1xl
|
{
"description": "not telling my boyfriend I was attracted to another girl first",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not telling my boyfriend I was attracted to another girl first.
|
I became good friends with this girl while me and my boyfriend were long distance, it took me a while, but after a couple of months I realized I found her attractive. My boyfriend was back in Canada, and I had no intentions of pursuing anything with her, but she was the first girl I'd ever been attracted to and it made me question some things about myself.
I wanted to talk to someone about it, but my boyfriend doesn't have the best self esteem, and he's always saying he's worried I'll find someone "better", so I wasn't sure if I should tell him about it. Instead I talked to a close friend of mine who is bisexual.
About a week after I talked to my friend, I decided to tell my boyfriend about it, and I mentioned I had talked to someone else about it, and that I wasn't sure if I should tell him. When we were talking on the phone he acted fine, but about an hour after we hung up he messaged and said that it made him uncomfortable that I found someone else attractive because he never even thought of anyone else, and said that he thought I should have told him before anyone else, and not thought about hiding it from him. When I told him I was worried it would upset him, he said that that wasn't a good reason to keep things from him, and I shouldn't assume how he's going to react.
AITA for being attracted to someone else and thinking about keeping it from him because I assumed he'd react badly? Should I have told him right away? Or at least before I talked about it with someone else?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
ab45gc
|
{
"description": "hanging out with my friend's crush and ruining her reputation when she got mad",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for hanging out with my friend’s crush and ruining her reputation when she got mad?
|
sorry if this story is long and a little confusing. i’ll answer any questions. :) also sorry for long title lmao
first, let’s start with information on my personality. i’m a girl, but i only hang out with guys. it’s not that i like them or i’m a whore or anything, they think of me as an equal. they understand my sense of humor, and none of the other girls do.
but, this doesn’t mean i hate girls. i’m friends with everyone and all the girls in my class are completely comfortable with being around me.
and then there’s my friend, or technically, my ex-friend. she’s the delusional type and falls in love with any dude who makes eye contact with her, even though she’s ugly as fuck (idk if i can say that but it’s sadly the truth). she already told me that she had a crush on this dude A before, but like i said, i was good friends with him BEFORE she started liking him.
another important thing are these.. “gals”. i go to school to japan, and there are a shit ton of rules at school, and the length of your skirt is one of them. what the japanese call “gals” are just a group of girls who are scary and have their skirts above their knees. yeah, i get that in america, nobody cares, but this is japan where things are different.
i have gotten into shit with these “gals” because i’m good friends with one of their boyfriends. it wasn’t even shit, we never talked. they just hated me and would come to our class and laugh at me. my friend would always talk shit about them to me.
one day, my friend messages me into our CLASS GROUP CHAT.
her: hey OP, you okay?
me: yeah? why?
her: dude those girls said that they are so pissed at you.
me: haha maybe i’ll just not come to school from now on.
her: don’t do that~
i was scared. i faked a stomach ache and didn’t go to school that day. i didn’t want to get beat up for doing nothing bad. what can i say, i’m a pussy.
couple months pass. i’m quite popular in my class, everyone loves me (or at least that’s what i thought). then this other group of girls (i know there are a lot of girls in this story. sorry) in my class tell me that my friend was talking shit about me to these “gals”. at the time, i didn’t know how to react.
here’s some of the shit she was saying:
• i’m a whore.
• i hug guys.
• i have a crush on dude A
• i talked shit about the “gals”
•i said “i love you” to a guy
some of this is true. but the one thing that pissed me off is that she sent that conversation we had earlier (about girls getting pissed at me) and SENT IT TO THEM as if ANY OF IT had ANYTHING to do with me hating them.
i got my friend dude B (who my friend coincidentally also had a crush on) to trick her into thinking that he hated me too, so that she would tell him information or whatever. SHE WAS JEALOUS. THAT’S IT.
i got so pissed off. SHE was calling ME a whore only because her crush dude A liked ME WAY BETTER??? she was the slut that kept changing her crush even though she looked like a pile of trash and thinks she has the right to talk about ME like that???? i was pissed.
this is why i don’t like hanging out with girls. because they’ll use you to death and hate you when you do something a little better than them.
anyways, one of my trusted teachers is on my volleyball team, so during morning practice i went to tell her and it turns out, these girls are telling that same teacher that i was talking shit about them, WHICH I NEVER DID, BTW. i was so mad. this was honestly one of the worst experiences i’ve had.
and my home room teacher talks to me about it, and this was during class, so everyone of my friends were there. i was like sure, and started talking. i told my teacher that my friend was a lying whore and fucking stupid for thinking that she could get away for lying (my actual friend wasn’t there listening. she was doing something else idk).
and then that day i cried because i didn’t want the world to hate me for some bitch’s lies. everyone comforted me, and i was happy. i made eye contact with the bitch i called a friend and laughed in her ugly ass face.
she then apologizes to me. i say it’s okay, i forgive her. but then in the end she asks me “is it okay if i still talk shit about you?” WTF. i was like,,,,, “what???” i was so confused, like that doesn’t even make sense. WTF ARE YOU APOLOGIZING FOR??? i wanted to yell at her but i kept quiet and went to tell all my friends.
then, in the middle of the night, i’m invited to a group chat with like,,, these people from my class who could be considered the popular kids, i guess. and note, this group chat includes the dude A. this was like a ranting group and we were talking for hours. i talked about everything, how my friend likes dude A and was jealous.
then dude A says “i can love a girl who does things like that.” i was like YES!! WE FUCKING GOTTEM!! i was so happy. karma really is a bitch.
it’s actually been a couple months since that and now EVERYONE, and literally EVERYONE, eve those “gals” i was talking about hate her. she’s now known as an ugly ass slut gorilla.
and guess what? she’s making it my fault. she’s saying that it’s my fault and she didn’t deserve this.
so, reddit, please tell me. should i apologize to her? should i tell the school that this girl isn’t really as bad as i said she is? or does my friend deserve to be hated?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
suS8zr6mQyHWkz1ex02aGVccaBcd1qvG
|
axgfkm
|
{
"description": "calling my neighbour a \"Fucking Piece of Shit\"",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for calling my neighbour a “Fucking Piece of Shit”?
|
A little history first: my younger brother had a stroke when he was younger and now his legs are weaker than they should be. Because of this he has to wear leg braces for support and goes to school in a wheelchair in case his legs get to tired during the day. He is embarrassed of the leg braces and usually wears long pants to cover them. He’d rather go out without a wheelchair when we do errands or go out and only really uses it for school or times we know he will walk a long distance.
We had this new family move beside us 3 weeks ago and other then saying hi when we see them on their driveway as we enter our house we don’t interact.
But it just so happens that the timing of when my younger brother’s bus that picks him up in front of our house and brings him to school is the same time our neighbor leaves for work in the morning. The driveways on our street aren’t the biggest and with the bus arm that is meant to stop cars from driving past the bus my neighbor’s driveway gets blocked. It’s been 3 weeks and it started with them smiling at us saying “oh don’t worry” to him being visibly upset about it, but there’s nothing the bus driver can do because there needs to be enough room to load my brother and his wheelchair onto the bus.
This morning maybe he was having a bad start to his day because as he was waiting for the bus to load my brother and leave (which takes 10 minutes at max) he starts laying into his horn and then steps out of his car and then the interaction begins:
Neighbor: Jesus Christ every morning you block my fucking driveway and I’m late for work!
Me: Sorry but there’s nothing we can do the bus only has so much room to get my brother and his wheelchair. Maybe leave earlier if this makes you late for work everyday
Neighbor: I don’t have to change my schedule for you, how bout the bus come earlier and doesn’t block me in, it’s my fucking property. Also the kid doesn’t even need the fucking bus I’ve seen him walk perfectly fine. The schools 20 minutes away my kids walk to school he should too.
Now here’s where I get pissed because he’s screaming this at a level where my brother can hear as he is getting his wheelchair secured in the bus.
Me: You’re a fucking piece of shit dude! First of all you have no idea what my brother needs and doesn’t need. Secondly it’s the fucking law for you to yield for a school bus so you can either leave earlier so you’re not late for work or fucking wait for the bus to leave and go to work.
He then starts yelling at me saying that I shouldn’t ever talk to him that way and I should respect my elders but my brother’s bus had already left so I tell him to fuck off and go inside my house. My mom heard the yelling outside and told me though I’m not wrong, I was kind of an asshole with the way I said it and now our new neighbor probably hates us.
While I guess I could have taken a better way to saying it, the dude escalated it first but I was wondering AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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e4ZKBp5ujxARRGfy0Iz45LJwLeT4OpKU
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a2bfvc
|
{
"description": "looking into/possibly buying a dog my girlfriend doesn't like",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For looking into/possibly buying a dog my girlfriend doesn't like?
|
So, me and my girlfriend have a long distance relationship, and we've been dating for about a year and a half. I've been seriously considering purchasing a dog lately, and i've sent her several that I like. The dog i'm supposed to visit next week is a purebred black Lab. She was fine with all of the others i've shown her, but she doesn't like this one because it's a Lab, yet the first dog I told her I came incredibly close to buying was a black Labradoodle. The only reason I didn't was because the seller already had someone coming to visit, and they ended up buying it. She seemed dissapointed and wished it was otherwise.
I continued searching for my new companion, and found a Samoyed. She adored it, but it was very expensive and they apparently shed a lot so it was eventually ruled out.
Now here I am, looking at an adorable female black Lab, at a good price, AND it's born right here in my town. It almost seems meant to be, except for...Well, my girlfriend.
It's just incredibly odd to me that she dislikes them so much. Her sister has two lab mixes, one of which isn't very well behaved and she essentially cites him as her reasoning. As far as I know they don't get much excercise, and I seem to remember her sister mentioning the mischievious one was possibly abused. Both very valid reasons for why the dog acts the way it does. It's also odd that she fairly commonly volunteers to watch the dogs (or at least one of them)/take them for walks. She has shown no signs of really disliking this breed in the past, or maybe it's just because I haven't asked. She mentioned "not ever wanting to live with one" and "their short hair is hard to get out of furniture.", consistently says "idk, whatever" "it doesn't matter it's not my dog."
There's more, but i've already said so much. I'm caught off guard by this as I expected her to be absolutely ecstatic about this whole situation and I don't want to make a mistake here. Sorry for the wall of text.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
cG3DRU7jPi1sbZ1U6LVTML6vNdIKehvW
|
al7mh7
|
{
"description": "wanting compensation from long-term houseguests",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting compensation from long-term houseguests?
|
TLDR at bottom
I'll try to keep this short but the share house I'm renting in housed four tenants on the lease myself, 'john', 'Harry' and 'Liz'. Two of us (myself and john) are moving out and organising replacements respectively.
John is intending to move interstate in 3 weeks with his girlfriend 'Hannah', who has been living in his room rent and utility free for coming up on 3 months now.
John arranged a girl to take his place who we'll call Claire. Claire had been living with her partner and his family which hasn't worked out hence the move. According to Claire it was a verbally abusive environment which she was charged 300 a week to live in.
John tells myself and Liz that he has offered Claire to stay with us until her move date due to being forced out of her partners home (this was the night before she arrives) zero notice.
Liz professes her annoyance at the situation to me and heads to work the next day before Claire arrives. Claire arrives the next day and John says to her that she is welcome to stay "rent free" until her official move date 3 weeks from now.
I quickly shut down that idea to which Claire claims she is happy to contribute. I propose two options via our FB chat that Claire and Hannah can either a) contribute $300 each (less than 2/3 of the median rent) to be split amongst the four housemates OR b) simply be in charge of general cleaning during this time.
John immediately claims this is unfair, that neither have a room to themselves and therefore should not pay rent. Instead that only utilities should be split 6 ways.
I argued that rent covers not just the entirety of the house but our living conditions and that we deserve to be compensated for having a 50% population increase. Rather than a bare minimum contribution toward bills.
Hannah argues to have never infringed upon our space in her three free months because she spends most of the time in John's room or working everyday (despite also claiming to be unable to afford rent) however hygiene and cleanliness issues beg to differ (i.e. cleaning up after them)
John claims it would be rude to turn away Claire due to moral reasons, that she has nowhere to go. Which after hanging out with her for one evening I know isn't true.
I don't believe $75 per housemate compensation for three weeks in one case and three months in another is unreasonable. I also initially offered for them to just keep the place clean for board but have now been accused of trying to make a quick buck. Liz doesn't like confrontation so refuses to express an opinion openly and Harry claims not to care but is currently house sitting his parents house.
I'm about to move and certainly wouldn't expect my new housemates to put me up free of charge for 3 weeks.
Am I being unreasonable? I'm only living here until the end of the month and usually pretty relaxed about this stuff but I don't appreciate feeling taken advantage of.
Should I just grit my teeth and wait it out?
TLDR; outgoing housemate moved in his replacement three weeks early and doesn't want her or his girlfriend to pay rent whilst living with us.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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NArJBjptKtxwtWQEFthdO6z8kNg6mOCr
|
b2d288
|
{
"description": "blocking a boy who has a crush on me",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for blocking a boy who has a crush on me?
|
This is my first reddit post, so I apologize if it's written poorly. There's a tl;dr at the bottom, also I'm sorry that this isn't too scandalous, just some teen drama.
&#x200B;
For some background, I went to a small junior and senior high school, one of the boys, or B for short, entered in the school at the same time as I did, in 6th grade, and we had the same birthday which was our connection. It was very obvious that he had romantic interests in me, even for my socially awkward self I could tell, from 6th grade. Cut to 10th grade, B asked me to prom and I said yes, because I am really bad at saying no, and he takes that immediately that means we're dating and goes around telling everyone that I'm his girlfriend which I didn't like but kept to myself.
&#x200B;
I ended up leaving that school at the end of 10th grade and was started attending a small alternative education place. My contact with him quickly diminished to nothing and at some point, he stopped sending them. A while into my schooling at the alternative education place, I was doing my work facing the window out into the parking lot, when a car pulled up to drop someone off and a person stepped out to let the guy who was being dropped off and I recognized that one that didn't go to the school as B. We locked eyes and he looked happy to see me, then he left. I ended up texting him a few hours later because I felt like it was polite and the right thing to do to see how he's been doing and big mistake, he's immediately texting me how much he loves and misses me. I ignore them and two or three nights later at 12am-2:30am, he starts calling and texting me over and over (I was awake but wasn't answering or looking at his texts to give the illusion I was) once more saying how much he loves and misses me and that I had to call him in the morning. I didn't, and another few days later I showed the texts and missed calls to my older brother (who is the only person I go to advice for because I don't exactly have the best adults in my life but that's a whole other story), who upon seeing them, blocks B and tells me to keep him blocked. I feel bad, obviously, because I don't feel like what he did deserved that, but I also didn't want to explain to B why I blocked then unblocked him. A good week and a half after that, one of B's friends (who btw, I do not like, she wasn't the nicest around to say the least) texted me and said that B wants to talk but my brother said to just ignore that as well.
&#x200B;
So, AITA for failing to properly communicate with B and tell him that I wasn't interested and I am going about this the wrong way? (sorry about the word wall also)
&#x200B;
Tl;dr: Boy who had a unrequited crush on me is clingy and I had to block him for calling and texting him in the middle of the night, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
iH0LXlvVDwMgW4VA4wvuK9DMF3CmA9GP
|
b1o45m
|
{
"description": "having pics of my ex from several years ago",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for having pics of my ex from several years ago?
|
I was scrolling through my 5000+ pics to find something and my boyfriend was offended that I had pics from my ex from several years. I honestly am happy to delete them, but I can’t magically find all his pics and delete theme. He knows I love him so AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
JjdAo54a725BmdId1AnJOKbevFxbwQux
|
az3phw
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my parents for removing my room without telling me",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my parents for removing my room without telling me?
|
I'm an 18 year old guy still in high school, just started working at a deli up the block from my house part-time a little over two years ago. My family is poorish/lower middle class so it was nice to have spending money, being finally able to buy and save for things like a car, game consoles, PC, etc. Anyway, around February of last year, I come home to find my Dad in my room, cutting the wall between it and my parents room. When I ask what was going on, he explained that he was redoing the house and was turning my room into a closet and small bedroom for my parents room. He explained that he was going to start turning half of the basement downstairs into a new room for me, which would be bigger and afford me more privacy since I'm going to college and not dorming. Normally this wouldn't be an issue, but he completely disregarded and disrespected my belongings. He laid all his tools down on top of my game consoles that I saved and bought with my own money, and are now scuffed with paint marks and scratches. My posters were thrown out, and my other belongings were covered in saw dust. When I get mad at him over this, his snaps and goes "They still work, that's all that matters!" For the record, my Dad is a very outdoorsy guy, and a self employed carpenter. He doesn't really own many possessions; he has a stereo in the garage that he'll listen to when working on his truck, but he doesn't really take care of it ("As long as it works!").
I got over it because I assumed I would be getting a newer room out of this, but it's been over a year and he hasn't started work on it at all. I'm being forced to sleep on the living room couch and keep my clothing in a laundry bag. The other day I get home from a friend's house, of whom happens to be much wealthier than I am. His room is filled with collectibles, PC hardware, games, a TV, etc. I was super jealous, and I get fed up and ask my Dad when he's going to start actually doing work on my room. He gets annoyed and states "When we have the money, I promise you that we'll start working on your room!" , to which I respond that it's been over a year and literally NOTHING has been done. He then snaps and says that I'm being entitled, and how he moved out at 15, lived with friends until he was 18, lived in a van until he met my mom at 20.
I'm mad primarily because: a) He didn't tell me he was doing this to the house and completely trashed my belongings b) Doesn't have the money to actually finish the renovations.
Am I being the asshole for being agitated over this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
AEGMqlFwtrb6l3U8Xt8YXRoIyUmzwg4K
|
ayk0hc
|
{
"description": "complaining to someone about a coworker who loudly listens to music",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTAH if I complained to someone about a coworker who loudly listens to music?
|
She wears headphones, but its so loud that other people say they can hear her music over their own. I'm not big on listening to anything at work, so it gets to me the most. She also taps her foot and sings sometimes. Now, if she was anyone else, I would ask her nicely to turn it down. This woman is not approachable at all. She is unfriendly, defensive, and rude. She had a fit when someone called her out for slamming her mouse in anger. She still does that... about 3 times per day. I have three options:
1. Deal with it. (Its very distracting. It would just continue to bother me until I eventually cracked during a rough day and said something I would regret.)
2. Go to her superior and calmly explain how distracting it is. (He would probably slip up and say it was me. And I dont want a rat reputation.)
3. Call the anonymous HR hotline. (She would get a slap on the wrist, hopefully stop due to the 'official' HR complaint, and no one would know it was me.)
I'm leaning towards options 1 or 3. But WIBTAH if I called the hotline? I know it bothers others in the vicinity, but not enough for them to call since they all use headphones. She wouldn't get written up for something like that, just a talking to.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
l5urdlQMMz9eyXPbYttRa42d8uAQoyh8
|
a1ubyt
|
{
"description": "thinking that one of the stupidest things a mother can do is name her kid \"Abcde\"",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for thinking that one of the stupidest things a mother can do is name her kid "Abcde"?
|
I just saw the story about a southwest airline gate employee posting a picture of Abcde's boarding pass , and how her mother was offended that the enployee posted it.
I'm not saying the employee was justified or right to make fun of someone's name, and i know there are a lot of uniquely named people out there, but come onnnnn Abcde?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
gCF4l6jxa7eAig6Q52rDve1Kssr2419F
|
avgtpv
|
{
"description": "being upset with my bf for ditching me when I have the flu to play soccer",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset with my bf for ditching me when I have the flu to play soccer?
|
I’ve been throwing up and running a super high fever since last night. I had to call off work today because I haven’t gotten any better. I have literally no sick food to eat in my house and I really want to take medicine to lower my fever but obv I can’t on an empty stomach.
My bf of 2.5 years promised me he would bring me soup and Gatorade at 12, then proceeded to go and play soccer until 1. After he went to the store and got his sister soup who is also sick and claimed he “didn’t have enough money for my soup” while I could clearly hear him eating something. Mind you I haven’t eaten since 6 last night and have no one else to call because I live alone and far from my parents.
He then proceeds to lay in bed and is still laying in bed at home when I’ve been waiting all day for him to bring me soup because I can’t drive much less stand up.
AITA for getting mad and telling him to forget about it and stay home? Side note- this is not the first time a situation like this has happened but I thought he was being genuine this time. Sorry if this seems super whiny, am v sick.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
GAYJ484OUZ9HzX6hMvxzNdejF5f3PzQV
|
b1a0vj
| null |
AITA My girlfriend is mad I didn’t throw my cup after the movies
|
My girlfriend is mad that I didn’t throw my soda away after the movie ended. She reminds me everytime but I forget. It’s no biggie since everyone else does it so I can do it too right? But I still threw my cup away after she told me to. I just forget everytime. We watch movies almost every single second week and she always reminds me but I haven’t done it without her telling me to. She is still mad after I threw it away and giving me attitude. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
tbUSqWc3tBAATEzYUbzGm7qX1pl5xRTg
|
axfgne
|
{
"description": "cutting my sister off at such a young age",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for cutting my sister off at such a young age
|
Just a warning that there’s a lot of swearing because I’m absolutely livid rn.
So I’m 17 and I have a younger sister who is 15. So we have always had a terrible relationship. We could never get along but I blame my sister for it because she shuts down when something doesn’t go her way. I’ve given her money countless times cause she spent all of hers on weed and juul pods. She usually takes 6 months to pay me back and I always have to do something for her to give it to me. Rn she owes me 20$ and It’s been 3 months. She thinks she is entitled to everything and I’m so close to snapping I think I’m going to hurt her. She had become an entitled brat since she was 5 and my parents are still saying it’s “just a phase”. I asked her about the money she owes me today and she says in order for her to pay me back, I have to go out and get her a gram of weed. I lose my shit and just start cussing her out cause I’m done with her bullshit. She doesn’t have any more weed and is now almost crying because she can’t smoke and she’s begging me for some. I always fell for her stupid fucking guilt trip but this time I told her no. She said okay then I’m not paying u back and I sent her a text later saying “I’m done with ur shit and I’m not gonna listen to you anymore. You think your entitled to everything well your not. Don’t try to talk to me cause I’m just gonna tell you to shut up. I’m not giving you anymore rides, no more favors, nothing. Just fuck off and don’t talk to me.” She responded with “fine u won’t get any favors either” I asked her what she’s has done for me in the last 5 years and she came up with walking the dog for me like 5 months ago and that’s it. Ik she gonna come back begging for something but I’m just gonna tell her to fuck off. I’m still living with her because I have no where to go until I leave for college. But I plan to ignore her and when I leave just block her on everything. So am I the asshole for doing it at such a young age.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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|
WRONG
|
aG7P1oiRrJbpADyvV7L0ZO1glIS1YL74
|
apf841
|
{
"description": "ghosting my now former best girl friend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for ghosting my now former best girl friend ?
|
Hi,
So to be the most accurate I will need to go around 2 years ago, that friend I have, let's call her J, I know her from my parents who are friends with hers, so we had been friends for around 15 years, altough she is 5 years older than I am.
So we go way back.
Around 2 years ago for my mom's 50th Birthday party, I had already planned we would spend most of our time together as I don't really enjoy this kind of events, which happened, problem was, we started feeling arousal for each other, while being BOTH in a couple, as far as I am concerned I consider I have cheated on my former GF at that time, even tho we did nothing, I ended up being depressed after this, I still am, altough it's slightly better nowadays.
My relationship went on for around 2 years after this and ended, shortly after, her own relationship with her new BF started to crumble. (this was a few months ago)
I have that one male friend that really didn't feel well at the time, and I observed they had similar problems, I didn't feel I could understand their issues, so I made them meet, what I didn't know at that time, was that J got dumped the previous day, so it worked in the way I intended, they both had found somebody they could talk to, after learning this, I considered the eventuality they could be a couple, to which I was a bit annoyed by, but not against, as they both needed precisely somebody who could understand them, I assumed this would be good for 2 of my friends.
Now 2 days after all this, since she had been dumped, I offered to spend time with her, we would just wander around the city, I had my own issues at the time with another girl, so we both felt miserable, and misery loves company.
Now, the thing is, this was the first time we both were single and at the same place since that day,
During that day she said something like "I will never find another guy that was as compassionate, as smart, as beautiful..etc"
Now I don't like this kind of delusional speech in general, but here it felt almost like a personal insult on my part. (I know I'm a bit too proud, so eh, that's on me there)
Later on she showed me her phone, she had my friend's profile pic as a background pic, (do note she had been dumped 3 days ago, and she had known him for only 3 days).
I remember saying "You know he has trouble getting attached"
She said "But do you think he could get attached to me"
Up to a point I started looking pissed, she asked what's wrong,
"You do realize if you did something with him, that would annoy me?"
Then she basically cut herself, didn't say nor looked anywhere,
5 mins later she said
"You're getting jealous"
"I mean you do realize this is the first time we're single and we never even talked about what happened, and then you throw all this at me? Do you even consider my feelings?"
"Yeah but to me this was just a mistake"
"Nice, now you could have told me about it, before you try to compensate with a friend of mine"
Later on we argued a lot, she said I was being hard on her, which I will deny to be fair, at that point I just think she just didn't stand me seeing of careless she was.
2 days later she called me to tell me how I was unfair to her and I treated her like an ex-gf, I replied "You have no idea how I treat my exes obviously, otherwise I wouldn't have answered"
We argued again, she told me she thought how we had a relation on equal terms, to which I didn't agree with because she always dominated everything we talked about, I would let it slip, but usually I wouldn't for others.
I finally revealed to her all this mess gave me depression, which I hid from her because I didn't want to hurt her, as she had had depression herself before, she answered "I'm glad it came from someone like me who knows how it feels" that was it.
Nothing for a few days, then she texted me, "You and I we're gonna have a dinner"
I was like "sure why not" of course I hoped a bit she would consider me as an actual option, then again, even if not, we had been friends for so long, she had earned a chance to redeam herself."
We had that dinner, she talked, we had some great souvenirs together so the conversation was kinda ok, she mentionned how she was trying to find new context for both of us so we could go on as friends, we then talked about my friend, on the way back, I started crying because I was overwhelmed by all the emotions going through my mind, I remember her saying "Anyway you cannot stop us from being together (it was a bit more ambiguous in my native language, could also mean pleasure each other), because we're fine together, and what will happen will happen"
I agreed to it, I was like ok, then if you're really fine together I have nothing more to say, I'm even happy for them, I was crying sure, but i wasn't just sad, it was just sooo many emotions at the same time.
Then I met my friend a few minutes later, told him to go, and that they had been stupid to try to act on my agreement, I never had a damn thing to say.
Fast forward a few weeks, she came to my friend's while he was with some friends, then they fucked.
Then my friend told me he didn't want to see her, he said he was angry at her because of how she treated me, he asked me if I wanted him to destroy her, I said, "We're almost in 2019, we've had enough blood shed this year"
After that they never met again, he ghosted her, told about how she couldn't count how many partners she had had, how she couldn't see herself how she was being a whore, that he understood how I became depressed, (he has had depression aswell, possibly is currently, but it is undiagnosed).
Then she tried to talk to me, I was fed up, I couldn't take it anymore, basically asked her "Why can't you even say you want to see me"
"I thought it was clear from the very moment I talked to you today"
I didn't answer, I don't anymore. At that point I started reflecting on all this, how I felt manipulated so she could get my approval and feel in her right.
How she had always been using me as an ego-boost.
I remember thinking "If you didn't treat like a third-rate sexless hookup, maybe you wouldn't feel like I'm treating you like my ex"
So now, Yesterday, her parents met with mine at my house to have dinner, my sister was there, I was away, but I could meet them before I had to go, (I had been ghosting her since a few months now).
They couldn't look me in the eye, the father said "I'm fine and you" his voice took a higher pitch and he tapped on my shoulders.
I texted my sister over the day, she said they didn't get it, they thought I was jealous because she was just talking to my friend, which is a bit true, but apparently they had no idea they did more than that, so in the end she looked like the victim of poor depressed OP's mood.
Today, my friend sends me a pic of how she tried to text him, saying he was a beautiful person, and she was sad she couldn't do anything about it.
AITA, frankly i don't know, I'm tired of all this, I just want peace, and I can't reach it if I don't know if what I did was legit.
I'm sorry because this is a lot, I feel like I miss a lot of informations, and the same time I try to put as much as I can,
I'll be glad to answer any questions.
Thanks in advance
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
2F2A8VkNail7mOM5UCY6swA7OFanpWKt
|
a7mb4x
|
{
"description": "asking a religious friend to refrain from praying for my family member",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 16
}
|
AITAH for asking a religious friend to refrain from praying for my family member?
|
So today i had told 2 of my colleagues (who i regard as friends) that we discovered that my family member (a very very close one) has cancer, and that the situation is very bad. They were both very nice and offered emotional support which was much appreciated. Later during the day, one of the two, who is a very religious Jewish man, texted me the following:
Him: "hey, can you tell me {my famaly member's} full name so i can pray for him?"
Me: "please don't :)"
Me: "but i appreciate the sentiment"
Him "you're welcome"
To give context, I'm an atheist, and i am very much against these kinds of things (and so is the mentioned family member tbh) . He knows it about me, and we are very respectful to each other's beliefs or lack thereof. We didn't talk about it anymore but had some small talk after it and it doesn't seem to have bothered him, but i can't really know for sure.
Was i the asshole? Could i have maybe handled it better?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 11,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 16
}
|
WRONG
|
Gs1AfVwEPpgyoOnEo331uPItL8SDOxu8
|
b65pzo
|
{
"description": "knocking on my neighbors wall at midnight",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA when I knock on my neighbors wall at midnight?
|
Last night I went to bed at 10:30pm and was woken up by loud voices and laughing at midnight. I live in an old apartment building which does not have soundproof walls. My neighbor had two young men over (students) who did not need to wake up early. They continued to talk loudly and laugh until almost 3am. I have a Marpac Dome noise machine and I could still clearly hear EVERYTHING they were saying. I knew there names, their plans tomorrow, what habits their mom’s have. I work normal hours and wake up at 7am. I knocked once on the wall and my husband says he, “doesn’t want to start a fight with them.” I explained that they probably don’t realize how loud they’re being. I’m guilty of occasionally laughing too loudly late on the weekend. If someone knocked on the wall, it would remind me to shut up and be considerate. I have no problems with people being loud between 8am-11pm. Am I the asshole if I knock on the wall to try to get my neighbors to keep it down? Is it better to knock on their door? Should we really just suffer in silence as my husband suggests?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
uqI1sG8auyjvTO0kYz4wouDCRjT1vvhw
|
b26p7t
|
{
"description": "wanting to keep my friend to myself",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA? I want to keep my friend to myself.
|
Excuse the formatting, I’m on mobile and have no idea how this looks.
So this sounds weird and oddly clingy, so here’s the background. My best friend lives in America, and I live in Canada. I’ve known her for 9 years and never met her, only face time and text and every other social media we could use. She’s been through a lot with me and I would do anything for her.
Recently 3 of my friends (who didn’t know each other) were all talking about Kpop to me, and since I have no interest in listening to it I put the 3 of them in a group chat with me in it. America is one of those friends. It’s only been 4 months. In the time frame, my best friend convinced me to fly to America in May for her graduation for 2 weeks, and then she’s coming up here in July for a month. I’m really excited and I’ve already started planning for her visit and what I want to show her in my city. (This includes leaving the city to explore my Province a little, and I reserved one day for the Kpop group and myself to spend together.) She’ll be moving to South Korea for an internship after so this is the last time I’ll see her for a while, and because of time zones most likely talk to her too.
This is where everything gets hard. The Kpop group chat heard about this after me and they got really excited too. So excited that they’re inviting themselves to a lot of the things I planned for us to do. That threw me off. I’ve been waiting 9 years for this moments, and people who have known her for 4 months are acting like they’ve known her as long as I have. So far, they’ve discussed 4 separate outings without me to do things they know I don’t enjoy (All of them either related to Kpop, Restaurants I cant eat at, or restaurants I simply don’t like and can’t fathom spending that much money on.) The 2 friends have been talking about it so much that when they mention it in front of me, they don’t bother inviting me.
Now I’ll also be the only one who drives, and my American friend will be staying at my house and will not have a bus pass, so I don’t know how these girls expect her to get around because I refuse to let her spend her money on travel. I think they’re expecting me to be like a mom dropping her child off at daycare.
I talked to my best friend about it, and she told me not to worry because who knows if the 3 of them would get along in person anyways, and that everything would be fine. Although I can guarantee they’ll all get along. Most of my friends have the same personality type. Nonetheless, her words reassured me for a while until I learned these girls planned a whole WEEK of things without me.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad my friends are making friends, but at the same time I really want to spend all the time I can with my best friend. She means everything to me and I want to make good use of our time.
So am I the asshole for wanting to keep my best friend to myself, and being annoyed that my friends are purposely making plans without me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
dMvFBytGA7d04bTUBDcotZNOYuXutg9V
|
az8mts
|
{
"description": "being angry my boyfriend didn't visit me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being angry my boyfriend didn't visit me?
|
We're in a semi long distance relationship where he goes to a college about 2hrs away by train. I commute to my college so I'm in our hometown. I thought he was coming back this weekend so that he could grab his computer which is getting fixed. We made plans to go ice skating and maybe see a movie and since I have work on Sunday, he was probably gonna go hang out with a friend. He called the shop today (Saturday) morning and it turns out his laptop won't be fixed until next week so he told me he wasn't going to come home. I got upset since I was excited to see him and thought he'd come back regardless of the laptop. He said he was also excited to see me but he's sorry we can't now (even though we can, he just doesn't want to get on a train?) He says there's no point since we already saw eachother last weekend and next week is spring break, and that he doesn't feel like taking the train ride. I guess I see his point that we would only have had maybe 20 hours together before I had work but I'm still mad since it feels like he's saying I'm not worth the commute. I visit him at school about once or twice a month and it's a 1.5 hour drive for me but I don't mind because I want to see him.
He says I'm being selfish by wanting to hang out with him and therefore inconveniencing him with the train ride. He says he wants to spend the weekend at his dorm chilling and playing video games when he already plays video games for hours on the weekdays. He insists he told me that he wasn't going to come home unless his laptop was fixed but I don't remember him saying that so I kind of assumed he was going to come back either way. Even if he had said that I still think that coming to see me shouldn't be this big of an issue for him? We're at an impasse at who's in the wrong. I need some outside perspective, AITA for being angry here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
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