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iz3Ouoq0gl0I1UBHhJTcrgJTk33vp4Q9
|
aaxmj0
|
{
"description": "cutting ties with my friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for cutting ties with my friend?
|
​
AITA for cutting ties with my friend?
A year back I lent some money to my friend when he was going out of town and he promised to return within few weeks. After few weeks he returned back to town, I asked him money back because I had to pay someone money. When I asked him to return my money explaining that I needed to pay someone, he replied "I guess your text was meant for somebody else". I didn't do anything and again stated that I badly needed it, but he said he did not have it then. Few months passed, I thought he forgot about the money. We used to hang out together but he never returned me the money back. I wanted to teach him a lesson and I thought of an idea. He had completely forgotten about my money by then. I asked him to pay my internet bills, utility bills stating that my online payment is not working. I used to return him the money back next time we met. I did it many times returning money every time except this one time. I promised to return him his money back in few weeks. But after few weeks I stopped receiving his calls, I started ignoring him and he used to call and text me daily for that money saying he has problems. I didn't care and kept ignoring. He started calling me from unknown numbers, then he texted me saying he wanted the money back. Then I replied the same thing he texted me back "I guess your text was meant for somebody else" and sent screenshot of his text too. Then he messaged me that we are friends from child and how could I do it? Now I have started feeling bad, since the money broke our friendship. We are no longer in contact with each other. I lost a friend because of money. And I think I should not have broken friendship for some cash. AITA for breaking my friendship for mere few bucks?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
q9ZNphAiFYtSf4SbuTXBu5ZiFu69WEyf
|
argz70
|
{
"description": "'leading' a girl on",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for 'leading' a girl on?
|
First time poster here, this has been on my mind for a while
For context, I (24m) am gay, and a very affectionate and open person, and I tell my friends that I love them all the time. A quick "bye, love you" when they have to go, or sometimes during the day if they're having a rough time. It's really normal in my friend group and I enjoy it. (we are all extremely close knit)
I met this girl and she got attached to me really quickly. I didn't mind, she was fun to talk to, we had interests in common. We became friends, and she was fitting into the group nicely, so I didn't mind giving her some emotional support and saying that I loved her in a friend sort of way (I had done this with other friends with her around, so she was aware it was a thing I did) and letting her rant to me about her difficult life (she had issues, I won't get into it because it's private but it really made me feel for her)
She ended up deciding that we were dating, and me being the clueless idiot that I am, didn't pick up on the fact that she was being too affectionate, or that the pictures she sent me showed too much cleavage. She never asked me out, I never said anything to suggest we were, but eventually she started being passive aggressive if I didn't message her first or if I wasn't paying too much attention to her.
This really annoyed me because I have other things to do than to pay attention to her, and I ignored it and just apologized but said I'm busy if she was being too pushy. I heard that she had a complete mental breakdown, and started accusing me of using her, and that I was cheating on my boyfriend with her.
My boyfriend just found it amusing, thank god, but she was very upset and made a bunch of posts on facebook calling me an asshole. I've been a lot more careful with who I show affection to now, friends or not.
AITA for leading on a girl, despite being gay?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
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OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
xAtnInAEriGOWbaVW2fiZZcn9wmoI9ke
|
a8rl5z
|
{
"description": "not feeling excited for my friends who are engaged, getting married, and having kids",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not feeling excited for my friends who are engaged, getting married, and having kids?
|
For context we're all in the age range of 19 - 21. I think if we were older it wouldn't bother me as much and I'd be able to feel excited for them.
It started with with two friends of mine I met in high school getting engaged to each other at 19 and 20 almost a year ago. They were together for maybe a year and a half before the engagement. Their wedding is this summer. Of course I told them when I learned that I was very happy for them and wish them all the best, which is sort of true. I do wish them all the best and I'm very happy they found each other because they're great for each other, but it's hard to feel excited for them really since they were 19 and 20 at the time of the engagement.
Then, a friend had a baby. I knew she and her boyfriend were serious. She was 20 when she had her son. The father is 21. Again, I'm happy they're so good for each other, the baby is healthy and really cute, and they seem happy, but it's still hard to feel really happy for them because that just feels too young for a kid.
What I learned this morning made me the most uncomfortable and the worst about not really being able to feel truly happy or excited for my friends when it comes to engagement, marriage, and having kids. A friend I've known since sixth grade got engaged. She and her fiancé are both 21 and have been together for about a year if I remember correctly.
I feel awful about not really being able to feel happy or excited for them, but 19 - 21 just seems too young for this stuff. I know some people start families and find "the one" earlier than others, but it just doesn't feel right and there's something holding me back, though I do congratulate them and act 100% supportive in person. I like all of their partners and the baby (he's approaching 10 months old now) is wonderful.
But AITA for not being able to feel excited for my friends?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
RemorjJW1QOYmn5MLmdhSECtPfw1XEMr
|
arvu90
|
{
"description": "being mad at my best friend for choosing her bf over me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being mad at my best friend for choosing her bf over me
|
Right this person is my best friend (let's call her Casper) and I love her to bits but there has been a few concerns about our friendship.
For some context Casper rarely ever sees me she is always at her bfs house (who is an ass) and I usually see her like 3/4 days a month 5 if I'm lucky. Before she went with him I saw her all the time so it was a bit of a change for me rarely Getting to see her. However when I do see her it's usually past 12 and only for a few hours. I was beginning to think maybe she only used me as a company source since at that time she has to do shopping at Asda for her mom and she would also always get me to bring her fags.
(what I would do anyway but I got a bit wary once when she took a packet of tobacco that I bought and went to her bfs. I was left with 4 fags to last me 4/5 days and then she told me her mom binned it)
So recently it was supposed to be her birthday actually Tuesday is her birthday and two days ago her mom, me, her bf and her where supposed to go together to nandos.
On the Thursday before the Saturday she was at my house seeing the new kitchen, Getting a few fags off of me and playing some mario kart when her mom phoned my phone and told her her bf wanted to talk to her.
Here is the thing with her bf for some reason whenever she is at my house he starts and argument. Last time he made some thing up that she was cheating on him because he was on her Facebook and saw she sent her ex stepdad daughter an xx in messages. Her bf doesn't treat her nice either so I said to her why don't you tell him he has a month to buck up the way he acts or you're leaving him but don't let him know that he will still be tested for another 2 months afterwards. (This is the only thing I can think of for him to here me)
When he phoned he shouted at her saying he was worried about her being at mine so late (didn't didn't do this another time even when she's walking about at 3am coming From asda) then he brought me into it saying that I she is always at my house and that I am a twisted fucking cow and I was leading one of my ex pals on (I was friends and he still wanted to hang I told him I wasn't interested but since I was his friend I apparently am leading him on?) He said that Casper isn't allowed to hang out with me anymore and that Casper needs to buck up her ideas and be a "good girlfriend" he said she is 16 and she needs to grow up and then would say she wasn't an adult because she isn't 18.
He finally hit out with "its either me and your mom or (my name)" Casper said well obvs I'm gonna pick you and my mom and gave me this look like don't worry I don't mean it so I was okay and then he also said I'm not allowed to go to her birthday meal on Saturday.
She motioned to me to roll her some fags and I did but I was too angry and upset to do it's right so she rolled herself some out of my baccy for going home idk how much but there was very little already in the packet so there wasn't much left.
I was obviously in tears cause I thought Caspers mom didn't like me and that I couldn't see her again and more so because Casper was my only friend.
This is what I find weird Casper knew I spent alot on her for her birthday I sent about £80 on her out of my own money and I get like £60 a fortnight. She asked me if she could get all of her gifts early since she didn't know the next time she will see me, so I was like sure but it just made me more upset that I couldn't give her her gifts on a better environment so I just broke down crying she told me she'd speak to her mom and her bf when she got home.
Thing is she didn't message me that night, so far she hasn't messaged me at all. Yesterday I sent her a message saying I'm here for her and it's not her fault he is a dick and she responded saying thanks but she needs to go since she is at his house using his mom's laptop and Caspers mom messaged saying that Casper will message me when she gets home. I went on Facebook and saw that she did go out for that meal and Everything and she still isn't messaging me so I finally snapped and deleted Facebook off of my phone but idk what to do rn, but it makes me think of I didn't give Casper her birthday presents would she still be talking to me am I the asshole for thinking this way.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
i9pXVq78y8rSIkkLlHkzTeG0LCaOjpEx
|
akep84
| null |
AITA My wife never spends time with me, laughs and jokes about it with guy friends on her gaming.
|
My wife plays a lot of WOW / League, we have been married 6 years, and have two young kids. My wife has pretty hardcore refuse to work syndrome and makes minimal effort to try and get a job even though we are constantly struggling to make it every month.
Lately, I have been trying to bring us closer, as we have been distant and fighting and on the edge of divorce. I figure we could spend time watching movies or playing games, just something to make us feel like a team or partnership.
She makes every excuse not to do this, and always opts to play WOW / League with her guy friends over the internet, which all talk to her on snap chat and discord. I am not the best man in the world, and I am not the best communicator, but I tried to explain to her why I felt this was a little unfair and how it made me feel and it always evolves into me so mad I can't see straight and me having to leave the house. She plays the victim, makes me feel like I am crazy, and constantly deflects blame even when she is directly at fault.
So, AITA for wanting to try and bring us closer, and feeling unloved and all that...
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
MLjAvTHPnLcuypMVvkCp7xHi4kZ8xvry
|
ao7bth
|
{
"description": "deciding that my so and I should start using birth control after being together for over a year and not using it in the past",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA: I (30M) have decided that my SO (30F) and I should start using birth control after being together for over a year and not using it in the past.
|
AITA? We have hit some very rough patches and I'm going through my own stuff with addiction and trying to stay sober. I don't know what I would do with a child at this point and I am questioning the relationship a little bit. I'm especially now extremely weary of what life would be like if I had a kid with some one that I'm not sure I even want to spend the rest of my life with. So, after a year+ of the pullout method I explained all of this to her and demanded that she either go on the pill, we use condoms, or we don't have sex.
She acted like she understood the whole rough patch thing and didn't seem to be upset by any of that. I explained that I didn't know what direction our relationship was headed in, but that I'm willing to try to work things out between us.
The thing that made her upset was: "the pullout method has worked for us until now".
She acted like condoms would just be a drag and she claims she can't go on the pill because of having PCOS and because it "messes with her hormones." AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
4JoBz8bWsUoQ85zs89pWolLUANIXNHoh
|
a3rdf5
|
{
"description": "asking my friend to break up with her new boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my friend to break up with her new boyfriend?
|
Me and this girl, who we'll call Lexi, have been good friends for a few years. We're both 16. Recently, though, I've developed a crush on her, and was wondering how to handle it.
The other night she was gonna come over to hang out, like usual. However, a week before that day, I'd had arm surgery, and for the pain the doctor gave me some painkillers. It was hurting pretty bad, so I figured before she came over I'd take a couple to be able to function better.
I had never taken painkillers before, and had no idea how they affected you, but they made me not care even a little about what I was saying. Lexi comes over, and things got bad.
I felt like I loved everything and had no ego, so I started telling her how much our friendship meant to me. I talked about how great of a person she was, and for some fucking reason, told her I was gay. Even though I'm not. I starting saying things like "I wanna be your gay best friend," and she was like, "I always knew you were gay. That's so awesome!" I was braiding her hair and shit. Then she told me she had a crush on one of my friends, and this was the best news ever to me. I gave her his number and told her she should go for it. The whole night was like this.
I woke up the next morning in total shame, and since it was the weekend I didn't speak to her at all. At school on Monday she comes up to me, telling me that she went on a date with my friend on sunday and it went great. Nice! kill me dude.
I'm thinking of telling her what happened, and that I didn't mean it. I also want to imply that she should stop seeing this guy, and somehow wedge them apart. It's not like her life would ultimately be any different. I feel like I'm in too deep.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
Uzq1JwwrZcQDJ0ZUj8qWeaGsefGRg6yv
|
9zpo6w
|
{
"description": "pressing my concern",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for pressing my concern?
|
I was dating a person for five weeks and it was going great. There was one time where I mentioned how I thought it was odd he wanted to know all these details about me. He was wanting to know all the details like what I ate, where I was, he would carry out a topic in great detail like what a book was about that I was reading, etc. I enjoyed talking to him, but it made me a little uncomfortable. So I brought it up and he was pretty direct that it's just a personality difference and that I didn't need to worry, "it's not like I want to *be* you." So I passed over it.
Then a couple weeks later my work was really suffering, it felt too intense, we were talking too much every day (he would do most of the initiating but I was still complicit.). So I gently said that we needed to tone things down a little, that my work was suffering, and I wanted to be able to process things better. He said he understood but gave the impression that I meant flat out stop talking for a while, so he emphasized how much he liked me. He even said that if I distanced myself from him that he would be very lonely. Exact words.
I clarified for him that this need to tone stuff down wasn't a reflection of me losing interest. He kept acting like he understood, but would say strange things like, "if things work out without constant contact then fucking awesome and yay!"
These things made me slightly uncomfortable, but I still had strong feelings and didn't pay great attention to it. Even the very next morning he was wanting us to schedule our next visit a week in advance. I noticed he wasn't responding well to my proposition but ignored it nonetheless.
Till that same night....
I admit, my emotions went haywire, but I started thinking about the constant contact, I started thinking about how he seemed to start acting strange/manipulative when I proposed toning things down....at this point I may have gotten paranoid and remembered manipulation elsewhere in my life history....and so I texted him asking about the way he reacted to my new boundary...I did it very gently, admitting that I could have been reading too much into it. He seemed to avoid the topic, or not really face it. So I gently pressed it again.
He said I was misunderstanding all of it, that he understands, that he's "not some weak, fragile being....(he) can love but he can also cut a bitch out" and that he doesn't build his being on me and that if others did in the past that that's not the way he is.
For some reason, he really changed in my mind after those comments, but I kept on trying to be peaceful about it. It felt vindictive, it felt like invulnerability. But maybe I was in the wrong to press the issue, to think it meant anything bad, maybe his anger was warranted.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
lQ4fdNmC3Hhbff8ss0Cep2Q62aPPUfQc
|
b7w3jr
|
{
"description": "unknowingly creeping a girl out and making her uncomfortable, thinking we were friends",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for unknowingly creeping a girl out and making her uncomfortable, thinking we were friends?
|
So, last semester, I (17M) was in choir with a girl (16F) and she and I became good friends (or so I thought). She would always give me big hugs every time I saw her. When I told her she was super nice, she reciprocated. I was starting to have a crush on her. I asked for her number and Snap and got them both. Once, I said I’d miss her over break. She said that I could talk to her anytime, having her number, Instagram and Snapchat usernames. Fast forward to the last day of the semester: I get a DM from one of her friends (17F) (someone I used to be friends with as well, just kinda grew apart from them): saying “Leave (her name) alone. Completely”. I say that I will, but want to know what happened there. This is when it comes out that during the 10 minute breaks the teacher would give us during class, she would go into the ladies’ room to cry and be away from me. At this point, I was shell shocked. AITA for not understanding what happened? I’m leaning toward ESH because maybe I missed a social cue or 2, but she also could have been more straight forward with me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
hZiqobKEfsptpqPJK58NOIXZzHGzC6HW
|
b7lw4p
|
{
"description": "wanting to sleep at my friends place",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for wanting to sleep at my friends place?
|
My girlfriend drove me and my mates to a music concert probably 2 hours away from our home town, however she brought a friend of hers who we will call “Meg”. Meg is a bit of a character, whom both me and my girlfriend agree is bitch from time to time.
After the concert my girlfriend drove us back to our home town (2 hours away) and we went back to one of my friends places house to smoke some bongs and talk shit. (it’s 2am at this point). Me and my mates were high on mdma and were okay to talk for a few hours until we fell asleep while my girlfriend passed out asleep on the the lounge while her friend was awake.
This is where it gets interesting.
It’s around 4am now and my girlfriend is sound asleep, her friend is on her phone and me and my mates are still awake talking. I notice Meg is getting slightly agitated because she was laying down on the floor so I asked my friend if it was alright if we slept here and he didn’t care and even got a massive mattress out for Meg to sleep on. While I was cleaning the floor up to make room for the mattress Meg sits up from laying down and dead ass looks me in the eyes and SCREAMS
“I AM NOT SLEEPING HERE!!!!”
“I NEED A BED TO SLEEP IN!””
Both me and my mates all look at each other with WTF reactions.
My friends house is very luxurious, tidy and most importantly safe. I wouldn’t put my girlfriend in a nonsafe environment let alone her friend Meg. Clearly this girl was having a mental snap from all the weed she’s smoked or something so I quietly and calmly said
“I just assumed we were sleeping here because Sarah (my girlfriend) is passed out and has driven five hours in total for all of us already”
She just looked at me with a full resting bitch face so I said:
“Look we can go but you can be the one to wake my girlfriend up and deal with her. “
She begins shaking my girlfriend to wake her up. She wakes up and is extremely dazed and tired. She didn’t really know what was going on and just assumed we were going home so she started packing up her stuff. I help pack up and thank him my friend letting us crash for a bit here.
My girlfriend is deadass half high half asleep and is nearly passing out while she is driving. There was a few times where she nearly nodded off all because this girl wanted a bed and not a mattress to sleep on.
We get get home, I went to my room while my girlfriend showed Meg to her bed. I had my door open and I could hear Meg and her talking about the mental break that just went down. My girlfriend is confused by it all and doesn’t really give care and then explains that I probs assumed we were all staying at my friends house because of how late it was. Meg says that we are assholes and should have checked to see if she was fine to sleep at my mates place. My girlfriend says whatever and then comes back to my room and we bitch about it then head to bed.
Am I the asshole for not asking her if she was fine to stay at my mates place even though our driver was asleep?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
7Exmy0DezDZSKzk4OURZn1iesMlZJW2S
|
aq9h9m
| null |
AITA: Friend’s boyfriend cheated on her with me, but she immediately forgave him and went straight to blocking me.
|
So, one of my best friends just recently discovered her boyfriend has cheated on her multiple times with at least 3 different girls, and I was one of them.
Now, before you jump to obviously I’m the asshole; this happened years ago (they’ve been together for 4-5 years now, and this happened 3 years ago) AND *I didn’t even know they were together*.
In ninth grade, they started dating and at some point my friend got pulled out of school, and in 10th grade is when the affair started. I wasn’t friends with her until about 12th grade, so all I really knew was what her boyfriend would tell me. He told me that they were broken up, and so did all our other friends. So, thinking they were broken up, and this guy coming onto me, we started basically dating.
Flash forward to now, second semester in college, she finds out about other girls and he comes clean about everything.
She basically says to me “you fucked ____” in a groupchat then leaves, but on her story she posts about her boyfriend and how they’re strong and they’ll get through it. Shortly after that, she blocks me.
We did talk it out so we are good now, I know she’s hurting and I’m giving her all the time she needs to recover and heal, and we are still friends. I know she feels betrayed, and I’m definitely not trying to say I didn’t do anything wrong, I’m just trying to say I was 100% under the impression they weren’t together anymore because her boyfriend lied to me about their relationship.
So am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
1wTUA6E5OMMjufIvKCWoiA2Y12ST7as2
|
axgdae
|
{
"description": "giving bad feedback about my clinic supervisor behind their back",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for giving bad feedback about my clinic supervisor behind their back?
|
My university class and I are in our second week of clinic. On orientation week our new supervisor said we’re all just here to learn and there’s no wrong answer etc, but from the very first day of class she has been passive aggressive and makes you feel stupid when you are asking/answering questions. For example when asking a question she might pause/raise eyebrows and say what do you think. It’s making me feel like I shouldn’t talk in class anymore and same for other people in my class.
Today I had class with my lecturer who is in charge of the clinic, and during the break I told her the feedback about my supervisor and that most of the people in my class felt that way, not just me. She said she had been suspecting something like that and would address it with her anonymously.
But now I feel really really guilty. I’ve never given feedback like that about someone before and I don’t think it will be nice to hear... And she said to email her if you had any feedback so should I have just talked to her directly/not at all?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
7LLROvSMmn9o9RQn18bfvdSXUWzA8M9G
|
b6tv4i
|
{
"description": "lying to my diasbled classmate to get away from her birtday party",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for lying to my diasbled classmate to get away from her birtday party?
|
So some info:
-On mobile
-First post on sub
-English is not my first language
So I have a classmatein high school with Tourret Syndrome. She is kind, sweet, nice and shy. Well on first sight.
I understand that people with disabilty act weird sometimes and that is not their foult but still SHE IS FREAKING ME OUT. I cought her once SNIFFING me, she agree always with me even if i said sth so stupid that is beyond stupidity, is clingey etc. I just don't feel very comfortable around her.
So she once invited me for her birthday party. I being a good classmate go with a prezent and everything. I was a little earlier than others. Her parents started acting like I'm her boyfriend! They started me qestions that were not their business . Her father left us alone in her room, with music on high volume, he called party music when that were love ballads and soundtracks like from bad romance movies.
She wouldn't talk to me, everything was akward, I had to makeup the stories to even make her speak which was hard. Then the rest of the guest artived. TURNS OUT, I WAS THE ONLY MALE, I WAS THE OLDEST . THE WORST WAS WHEN THELSE MIDDLE SCHOOLERS STARTED FLIRTING WITH ME! (WTF !). Entire party was super akward, none of us was talking to each other unless to make joke which melted in the mist of akwardnes.
So she invated me again. I made a bunch of lies to keep myself out of there.
Right know i feel bad for lying to her but i don't want to go to another akward party
Did you think I did wrong. Please help me out.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "distancing myself from a friend of mine over \"small\" issues",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for distancing myself from a friend of mine over "small" issues?
|
Ok so a little overall context before I start the story: Everyone involved here is in their mid teens so hormones, puberty and all might play into this. I am also going to use made up names because I really dont feel comfortable with sharing our real names. English also isnt my first language so I apologize in advance if the grammar, wording or spelling gets a lil messy. Also, I am terrible at limiting myself so this might get rather lengthy. Lastly, this is a throwaway account as I felt more comfortable that way, Im new to reddit so this might be terribly formatted for all I know.
​
So it all starts out with this friend im going to call Steve (fake names as stated previously). Steve is a good friend, usually very kind and funny. He is a bit immature at times and sometimes a bit insensitive but often there is nothing wrong and hes great fun to be around.
​
The problem arises when we just play a few fun games of Overwatch (feel free to roast my taste in games lmao) and he starts making passive aggressive and toxic comments and "jokes" to another mutual friend im going to call Jenny. It went something along the lines of her being called "boosted" (term meaning that you dont deserve the rank you have) and overall insulting her over her gameplay. Now Jenny gets frustrated and tells Steve to stop, that she doesnt find it funny and reminds him that hes lower ELO than her.
​
He keeps on saying that "its just a joke" and repeats that like 3 times, and it overall grinds to stalemate of them both repeating their arguments with nothing really happening. Now before I continue, Steve has a tendency to get toxic and passive aggressive ingame which is something I usually brush off. This is not just Overwatch and not just with Jenny, although they are the ones who have had the most disagreements.
​
Nonetheless, Jenny ends up quitting the discord call and playing alone. I messsage Steve asking him why he didnt just stop when his joke wasnt well received. He says that "it was just a joke" and that he didnt mean any harm. I then message Jenny and she says that this isnt the first time hes been toxic and that she was getting really tired of it. They still get along irl but dont play together.
​
This might seem really minor, and it probably is, but the last few months he has been acting more and more immature and it is starting to bother me and my other friends. He always says that he doesnt mean any harm and I do believe him. He does this ingame or out of game.
​
He does this annoying thing where he always makes dick size jokes to me (asian) and other slightly racist jokes (hes white). Its all fun and good had he been able to take it as much as he dishes it out. He cant, and gets super defensive and offended when I snap back a little. That, along with him being generally immature has led me to distance myself from him. That includes avoiding playing OW with him and not hanging out with him even close to as often as before.
​
We recently switched schools (School system in my country has 1-9 seperately from 10-12) and he went to a different one than most of us. From what I gather he doesnt have many friends at his current school as he told me, he also told me he considers me his "best friend". I dont consider him my best friend tho. We still hang out every now and then but I genuinely dont find it as fun, and sometimes it is downright frustrating to be with him. He has called others selfish and egoistical for telling him that he is being immature before.
​
He hasnt had it easy before, bullying among other things. I dont know if he is doing well mentally although ive tried to ask him when appropriate but he doesnt want to talk about it, which I respect. No one in our friend group has had it easy, mentally and we try to be as supportive and caring as possible but he doesnt want any help, and acts disrespectful towards others emotions saying they should "get thicker skin". It feels a lot like gaslighting (I hope I used the term correctly), especially since he belittles my complaints about his behaviour every time I bring it up. Maybe Im just oversensitive tho?
​
Am I an asshole and blowing minor things out of proportion, or is Steve just a bit of an asshole himself? Am I selfish for not wanting to be with him, although he may need the support? It really does feel like I might be overreacting but at the same time not. Im curious to see what this subreddit thinks.
​
TLDR: Friends makes rude comments and acts somewhat immature overall. I dont want any of that and try to distance myself, but at the same time, friend is likely going through a tough time and I feel like an asshole for not being there with him as much as I could. He says I am oversensitive, I think hes just being rude.
​
​
​
​
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HISTORICAL
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a6rbc3
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{
"description": "not wanting to be there for my friend",
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|
AITA for not wanting to be there for my friend
|
I’ve been “best friends” with a girl for a few years now. At first our relationship was fun filled and we were both there for each other in times of need. We are both diagnosed with bipolar disorder so we struggle with a lot of the same mental health issues. We’ve also both had a history of bad experiences and made bad decisions. She hasn’t kept any friends in the long term, most of her relationships have fallen out within a few months for whatever reason.
Since we’ve been friends I’ve tried to get my life together by going to college, moving out, and holding the same job. Recently she decided to move into the same apartment complex as me and get a job at the same place as me and it’s made things less stable for me.
She causes a lot of drama at work and talks about my personal life to coworkers. Anytime she calls or texts there’s something going wrong or she needs me to do something for her.
I’m really sick with something right now and she made me pick up a shift at work for her a few days ago and drive her to the emergency room yesterday for some seemingly minor pain in her back. I stayed with her all morning and afternoon while she got xrays (they didn’t show anything) and took her to get her asthma medication and pain meds before I had to go I work. By the end of the night I was completely wiped, coughing and hacking, dealing with headaches and a fever. She texted and called after work saying she needed to be with me because she felt depressed and was crying. I ignored the messages and went to bed instead of helping her. I’ve had to pick her up because she was upset or needed something so many times and it’s been draining. I deal with the same depressed moods and feelings of impulsivity but I’ve been trying really hard to stay stable and balanced and being there for her every time really compromises that. She’s gotten really angry with me in the past for not being readily available when she wanted to hang out or needed something and everything feels so over the top. I don’t know if I’m being selfish or if she’s really asking a lot.
So, am I the asshole for not wanting to be there for her half of the time?
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HISTORICAL
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IxYAQeQaMTvxlCN0nQjfUOfNl9zUIlPo
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aqig4r
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{
"description": "living in a way my parents would disapprove of while they pay for my education",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
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|
AITA for living in a way my parents would disapprove of while they pay for my education?
|
I am 18/F. I am about to start university abroad and my parents are paying for it. They are conservative, south Indian people who would be appalled by sex outside of marriage, queer people and anything outside the norms of the country we live in.
I am bisexual, I have a boyfriend who is not Indian, am sexually active with him and have used birth control. I have friends they would not approve of (but are in my opinion, excellent company and are safe to be around). They don't believe in me having privacy so I selectively delete texts my friends send me to protect their privacy when they check my phone (yes, they're still sending me abroad).
I am not a wild partier by any means. My relationship is quiet and peaceful, my friends are few but they're great and my grades are doing fine. They could be better, but I was in hospital for anxiety a while ago and they fell- but not too much and it's nothing I can't save. I'm not mistake-free, but at the end of the day I can comfortably say I'm responsible.
I know that if my parents truly knew me and my beliefs and actions, they wouldn't want to fund my education any longer. I feel guilty for letting them, like I'm cheating them and am thinking about working abroad to support myself instead of using their money (free tuition) to lessen my guilt. AITA so far? Thanks.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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WXyYiuud8o9kl2jrwAQrq7KUgaabX3Wh
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9uouns
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{
"description": "not supoorting my mother in her MLM (multi-level-marketing) scheme",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not supoorting my mother in her MLM (Multi-level-marketing) scheme?
|
My mom has been in Arbonne (MLM) for about 2-2 1/2 years now and I have never really been supportive of it. There have been a few times where we argue over it cause I think that she puts way too much time into it and is neglecting some of her responsibilities as a parent. I also think she is putting way too much unwarranted stress on herself and it bothers me when I hear her complain about it almost every other day like she has no control over it. She argues that long term this is going to be so good for our family. But I don't really buy it. Financially-wise, I don't believe that it has brought in any extra cash flow that made a difference. We are not exactly in a stable situation in regards to money. But she is so passionate about it and I feel like an asshole for not supporting her. It's not like she's doing anything illegal (although I would say that MLM schemes are immoral/unethical to say the least). And I'm of the belief that you should support any venture a friend/family member is wanting to try unless it is self-destructive or illegal. Also, she was in another MLM scheme when I was a child called Herb-a-life. And apparently that failed miserably and she was pretty distraught about it, but I was too young to know. My family and my aunt pretty much agree with me and my aunt has been more vocal about it and I know they had a big fight about it several months ago, but my family is not the type to be very open. I was raised in an environment where our feelings were never really expressed. She is so adamant about it and shows no signs of slowing down, and I just wonder if maybe I should stay quiet and be as supportive as I can and let it run its course.
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HISTORICAL
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buEf9wz0JeMwMP2LnSfWbeTPxk0LI3Pf
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b7qtg3
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{
"description": "not agreeing to drive my friend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not agreeing to drive my friend?
|
I have a friend that lives on average 30 minutes away from me. Whenever we hang out I usually drive to her place to pick her up and always drop her off (even if we're just hanging out at my place). Until recently I didn't mind doing this for her as she doesn't drive because she doesn't have her license.
A couple weeks ago I jokingly asked her when she's going to get her license so that she can start driving me around? She laughed and said she doesn't want to get it because guys are always begging to hang out with her and drive her around.
Now this made me think back to a few times I asked her to hang out but told her I wouldn't be able to pick her up/drop her off and she would immediately make an excuse to not hang out. I didn't think much of it, but now looking back the common theme has been that I wasn't able to pick her up/drop her off.
I haven't hung out with her since I made the joke, but we talk everyday, recently she asked me to chill I said ok but I wasn't going to pick her up. She immediately blew up saying we haven't hung out in weeks and that I know she doesn't have her licence and that taking public transit isn't the safest for her (which is true but she takes public transit to and from work everyday).
She made me feel guilty for putting her safety at risk which is somewhat true but also I don't want to be one of "those guys" she mentioned that are always driving her to and from places.
Am I the asshole for not agreeing to drive her whenever we hang out?
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HISTORICAL
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Eqq47hRUmom8SwBIe8S3UWbiKXt2ciGb
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aqe8zr
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{
"description": "messaging someone (I'm not supposed to) because they're trying to apologize..only to realize it was my gf's friend setting me up",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA: Messaging someone (I'm not supposed to) because they're trying to apologize..only to realize it was my gf's friend setting me up.
|
To preface, I had a best friend, call her Sarah. A girl best friend who I'm sure you all can follow the train of events to realize she had friend-zoned me. We were good friends for about 4-5 years. That's enough of that, I never spoke about my feeling to her nor her to me. It was something of an agreement. I lied to myself that I had lost feeling for her. Moving on, I met this wonderful girl from the other high school in my county, call her Erin. We hit it off and had the best of chemistry. We got together. However, there are always these little indications that I still had feelings for my Sarah, I brushed them off. Erin picked up on them she went along though. We had some spats about it with me always saying "I have no feelings for her" you know the usual. Well, it comes time for me and Sarah to go to college. Erin (where she was so small as a child was held back) had one more year left. Well, its the last weeks of August. Football season starts. Erin goes to our Highschools' rivalry game. There she sees multiple people who all said the same thing that I love Sarah. She finally broke and said I need to cool off on messaging Sarah. Well, I did for a week, I even informed Sarah about it. Then Sarah begins to get upset. It goes into an entire day of me trying to compromise between the two and being accused of supporting the other. It ended with Erin and I together and me removing Sarah from my life. I didn't want to lose either. However, I had to pick. Love or friendship. Erin made me write a scathing message to Sarah, which I regretted. I'd later delete all correspondence between Sarah and I. That would prove an issue when I had no proof.
​
Later I would be accused of talking to Sarah again. Apparently, she had messaged my girlfriend's friend, Jennifer, and said we still stay in touch. May God strike me dead as I'm typing this I never came into contact with Sarah since that day in August. That was a fight, I should've handled better.
​
Fast forward, now some 6 months later. Erin and I have had some ups and down. However, all-in-all we're great. We quite honestly make a 4 1/2 hour drive up and down our state work! We talk all the time. She's still the girl of my dreams. I've completely lost all care for Sarah. She messaged me once, while on a date with Erin. I let Erin blast into her, as me. She was on a different number is how she was able to message me.
​
Then today "She" messages me. I am stricken by her apologetic words.. It was only inevitable she'd message me. There were messages of "You owe me at least this" and "Would you really do this for all those years of friendship," "I'm just here to apologize." I told my girlfriend she had messaged me. She said she trusted me to handle it. Then Erin had a change of heart and said not to. I said to let this be the test of how far I've came. She said no the test is for me not to message Sarah. Well, I had already had my thoughts piqued and thought whats the issue in at least giving quarter to someone and hearing them out. I'll listen to Sarah then Erin can say I can't talk to her anymore, everything will be fine...I'll have closure. Well she goes to apologize. Sarah says she wants her best friend back. I explain my logic why it weighed on Erin and that I loved someone else. It truly did hurt her. Sarah seems to understand. I ask about why she messaged Erin's friend and she said she really thought I would leave Erin for her. I tell her to prove that she's serious delete the messages up. She shows me a screenshot of said messages deleted. She then reiterates she wants her best friend back I say I need time I do forgive her though.
​
Then, it all falls apart. Turns out it was Jennifer messaging with Erin sitting in the car watching me message "Sarah." I am then accused of lying, again, and now I'm blocked from everything.
​
Am I the asshole?
​
\* I know I wasn't supposed to lie to my girlfriend. The guilt I had of not hearing Sarah out was biting at me though; just out of respect to our old friendship.
\*\*If this goes big and some youtube is going to do a reading of r/AmItheAsshole please refrain from reading mine.
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WRONG
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HuGs4lflK8HqSZcK5shIM4zMZvQsS4cA
|
akt4ye
|
{
"description": "not wanting to try prolong my life with chemo",
"pronormative_score": 74,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to try prolong my life with chemo?
|
So I'm 23 and I got diagnosed with incurable ovarian cancer a couple months ago. Basically the whole body is fucked, it's stage four, it's in my lungs and all over my chest and even if it went into remission, it would 100% come back. I tried a chemo regime which was "light" so didn't impact my life that much and that did nothing. As a result, the doctor informs me that while there are other chemo regimes I could try since the first stuff didn't work there would be a less than 15% chance of that chemo being effective. Crucially however, these other chemo regimes would be the "hard shit". The stuff that makes you wish you were dead. Surgery is also an option but it would be intense and my doctors only want to do it if my lower body just stops working and it becomes an issue of "do or die". My doctor basically said it was a choice between living out the reminder of my time the best I can, and that might involve squeezing out every last day out at heavy cost, or it might just be me going as far as I can without chemo.
So it's fair to say that I got massively slammed with the bad luck mallet. I really do want to live more than anything but I'm not willing to be massively unwell or sick for that, especially when the chances of "success" are less than 15%. I know that's in part me just being weak but right now I don't look sick. I don't feel bad. If I have less than a year left, I'd rather just have fun with it. Everyone keeps pushing me to try the hard chemo, to try to live, but I know I'll be miserable. I'll be miserable even if it does work. I keep saying that I'd only consent to the hard chemo if they could put me in a coma for the duration of the treatment so I wouldn't have to feel any of it.
I don't really know where my family is regarding whether or not I continue treatment. I know choosing to avoid treatment would be the cruellest thing I could ever do to them but since I'm already dying at 23 and they're going to have to deal with that one way or the other, I wonder if I'm allowed to be selfish here. I'd do it if they begged me. But I don't want to. I don't want to break my father's heart but it seems a foregone conclusion at this point.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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rBg40nf0UdHIYH1sWtViGe97pe6RRfOv
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ba80ph
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{
"description": "calling someone out at the gym for not re-racking their weights",
"pronormative_score": 7,
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|
AITA for calling someone out at the gym for not re-racking their weights?
|
This happened at the gym today.
For some context, my gym has three floors with most upper body equipment, some squat racks, and cardio machines on the top floor, some more machines, mat space, and bathrooms on the second floor, and free weights and leg machines and a boxing room on the bottom floor.
I was working on a squat rack upstairs and see this guy rotate among the three barbell benches (regular, incline, and decline). The gym was pretty empty so he wasn’t causing any problems. He even wiped down the benches which I always appreciate. But then he went downstairs without re-racking the weight for any of the three benches. This is a big pet peeve of mine at the gym but I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he was just going down to the bathroom or something.
Well I finished my last set just a minute or so later and went down to the bottom floor to work on a leg press machine. When I get down there, I see him lacing up boxing gloves. For context, he was definitely bigger than me so not sure what I was thinking but I just got super pissed. I walked over to the boxing room and said something like “hey man- pretty shitty of you to leave all three benches racked up.” He stumbled through some excuse of about to go back up. The best part is he is literally lacing up his glove as he said it. A woman was in the room with him - I presume his girlfriend. They kind of gave me dirty looks but I was already off to my next set. From what I can see, it does look like I shamed him to go back upstairs and re-rack the weight.
So basically here’s the question- AITA for not minding my own business? Having thought about it afterward, the gym was pretty empty and I wasn’t even using the benches. So I feel pretty judgmental right now and just curious what you all thought.
Thanks for any thoughts on this!
Tl;dr: called out a guy for not re-racking his weight in front of his gf at a pretty empty gym and now feel like an asshole.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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N31Ls5399nPfDGUImOBsJ17aEZ0YXH2H
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awwadc
|
{
"description": "quitting my job without warning",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for quitting my job without warning?
|
For six months, I worked as a server (waitress) at a nursing home. The first three months were great. My co-workers didn't like me (turns out my CO habit of sarcasm was not taken well in Indiana), but they weren't rude.
Th he fourth month, an old employee who was fired got rehired. This place has a quick turnaround in employees, many of them quit in less than a month (5 employees came and went while I was there, varying from 3 weeks to 3 days working there before leaving). My co-workers remembered her and were immediately friendly, but I had never seen her before.
Things were fine among both of us until about three weeks after she started. She decided she hated me. T, as I'll call her, came out and yelled at me for the simplest things. She'd essentially order me to do part of her job for her, then yell at me for not finishing it for her (an example would be when she took out the trash and said I had to clean the place where we put the dirty dishes, but was upset that I didn't mop the floor as well). She'd yell at me for folding silverware if she felt like doing it instead. It got to the point where she'd check on me to see if I was doing anything wrong. She'd go in the back and eat, leaving me to deal with her section, then get upset if I came back and told them residents needed her help. I'd have ten old folks raise their hands at once and all ask me for help.
I had BPD and EID (which means I can become overly upset when provoked, including anger and crying). T berating me would send me into depression, making me cry/tear up no matter how little it was (not conducive with residents making orders). The lack of help would mean I would often have multiple tables of old, cranky people needing my help. Suddenly the chef would yell at me for not grabbing the orders off the food window. I'd get anxiety attacks and freeze, unable to even fill drink orders.
I spoke to the managers constantly about it. The floor manager saw it happen in multiple occasions. I was assured for two months that T would be fired when they found a replacement. I was one of their best employees, I can think of two of us who didn't break the rules.
After a while, I dreaded going into work on days where T was working. I never spoke when she was there. Towards the end of the six months, I'd call in sick once a week. I stopped taking extra days.
Finally I broke. I texted my boss, told him I quit. I wouldn't be coming in that day, or ever again. They must've been stuck for weeks with a missing person (we were already badly. understaffed). Im sure tiffany stayed after I left, she was only rude to me.
Tl;dr, a co-worker was harassing me so I left without warning. AITA for leaving my managers understaffed because I couldn't handle it?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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6HpqMf1yGGkLjJxeYqTLeVrnwG7827PN
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ax22e8
|
{
"description": "considering leaving my bf is he doesn't propose by the end of the year",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for considering leaving my bf is he doesn't propose by the end of the year?
|
Bf and I have been together for nearly 6 years and have lived together for the majority of that time. Things have been going well for the most part, though like most couples we've had our rough patches. Very early on we made it clear to each other that entering into a serious relationship meant our goal was marriage and kids eventually, something we mutually agreed on. We were only together for about a month before he made a comment about putting a ring on my finger one day. Life was good.
​
Fast forward to today and no ring so far. Obviously I didn't expect him to pop the question immediately, especially since when we first moved in together we had some financial trouble and of course keeping the lights on and putting food on the table are a priority. But since then he's gotten a very nice job and even a promotion, and he's making really good money. He just bought us a brand new tv and other furniture, which definitely wasn't cheap, so clearly money is no longer an issue.
​
So, why am I considering leaving? Well it's gotten the point where every time we go out to a nice dinner or for a special occasion, I'm always hoping for a proposal. Even my friends, annoying and nosy as they may be, have been asking him "when you gonna put on a ring on it?" and he always responds "I don't know". Then he took me to a very expensive restaurant for my birthday last year, and when the waiter dropped off a small little jewelry box on the table with the dessert I was ecstatic! But sadly my hopes were crushed when it turned out it was just a small trinket box, a birthday gift from the restaurant. And it was certainly nice of them, and I appreciated it, but to be on such an emotional high one moment and then to be let down so suddenly was extremely jarring. When we got home I immediately went to take a shower where he wouldn't be around and had a bad panic attack (I have a lot of issues with anxiety).
​
This event made me realize I can't take much more of getting my hopes up just to be let down, like an emotional rollercoaster. It's messed with my anxiety a lot, and I'm practically dreading everytime we go out now. We talked before early on in our relationship sort of mapping out our future for ideally when we'd like to start moving things forward, and we talked about wanting to start a family by the time I turned 28. I will be turning 27 in just a couple months, and we aren't even engaged yet. I don't know if he's forgotten or changed his mind or what, but if I try to talk to him about it he doesn't really say much and I don't want to put any pressure on him or push him into something if he's changed his mind. I worry that if he doesn't propose by the end of the year then he might not care about having a future with me anymore. WIBTA if I left because of this if he doesn't propose by the end of the year?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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{
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|
RIGHT
|
DoTmZT6YAs0BAITlO8a1aMyXBP5mbkOO
|
au4x41
|
{
"description": "talking to my friend about his gf getting involved with our decision to split the cost of a meal",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for talking to my friend about his gf getting involved with our decision to split the cost of a meal
|
To give context my friend is one of my closest friends and we have a great friendship. Me, him and his gf all go out to eat all the time. We usually do not share on any appetizers but ME and HIM (his gf had her own meal) decided to do so this time. When we were eating we both barely at much of the appetizer but I ate a little bit more (more than 60% of the app was still not eaten, and i was saying i was full and they could take it with them). When it came time to pay we agreed to split the meal however his gf came out and said in a rude manner since i ate more I should pay for it. Remind you this is like $5 and I was totally fine with paying for it but the way she said it and demanded did not sit right with me. I obliged as it was something fine with me and not risking my friendship over. However, later on her negative comments to other things bothered me and so I decided to talk to my friend. I told him I apologize if I ate more and was more then fine with paying. But did not appreciate his gf stepping in like that and if he ever felt that way he should have told me. He told me he never thought about making me pay and did not think like that and said everything is fine.
He actually texted me today and said that his gf said she was just joking and he does not want to speak for her but apologizes on her behalf.
I just want to know AITA for bringing it up and talking to him instead of her? I only did so because the money was between me and him and as a result I thought if he was thinking that way I should address it. In addition, his gf has a temper and is stubborn, therefore I was in no mood to explain to her why I didn't appreciate how she made her demands. Also, since he is one of my closest friends I care more about keeping my friendship with him and talking to him rather to his gf.
Reposted this to give some more context!
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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}
|
RIGHT
|
qxEAXsA9tVte1KuGEaLXovyC1VEEilYA
|
aqeh2x
|
{
"description": "wanting to go back home (where I live w/ my boyfriend) on valentines day just a few days after my mum has broken up with partner of 16 years",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to go back home (where I [24f] live w/ my boyfriend) on valentines day just a few days after my mum has broken up with partner of 16 years?
|
Sorry if the nature of this post might go off-topic and if it isn't appropriate for this sub. I'm also on mobile so apologies for poor formatting.
Basically, my mum broke up with her long-term partner a couple of days ago. It is a nasty, hurtful break up and I feel it is my fault as I told her about some abuse I had experienced at his hands as a child and I tried to convince her of his true nature. (i.e. emotionally abusive - very manipulative and gaslighting/grooming her and the family).
Long story short, finding this out obviously has devastated her completely but it has also been extremely hard for me emotionally and mentally to finally come forward about this abuse over 12 years later. I have also been dealing with issues with my bio father recently which has taken a considerable toll on me mentally and probably caused me to have a breakdown and tell her everything I guess.
Now I really really want to go home. (Currently sitting up in the early hours torturing myself mentally enough to write this post). I feel terrible and guilty for wanting to leave my mum on the day (valentines) she needs me most. I want to stress that I absolutely do not want to go home to spend valentines with my boyfriend, but because I want time to recover mentally and emotionally before I have to go to work again Monday. I feel restless and anxious being here and I can tell it is making my mental health deteriorate.
AITA for wanting to look after my mental health before I travel home and go back to work whilst leaving my mum alone to cope with a breakup on Valentine's Day?
Side note: she likely isn't going to be completely alone as my brother lives with her but I don't think he has the capacity to be as supportive as I could.
Lastly, I obviously feel that my mum isn't the asshole in this unfortunate situation but I would just like an opinion on if I would be an asshole if I return back home on valentine's. (I have been here since Saturday and they broke up on Monday bc of me).
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
tlp4wZKRnqfuFssJ7g7ErRR8EFteF957
|
au0ael
|
{
"description": "ugly crying after unwrapping a Christmas gift from my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for ugly crying after unwrapping a Christmas gift from my boyfriend?
|
Through my adulthood, I’ve gone through depressive episodes. Christmas would be when my depression would be at its worst, stemming from some terrible memories from childhood. I would still be functional and generally no one would ever know I was dealing with depression.
This happened 10+ years ago. My boyfriend at the time and I had been together for 5 years and living together for 2. He was well aware of my issues around Christmas. For my part, I tried really hard to go through all the motions around Christmas and I tried make things special, which I hoped would help me make good memories around the holiday.
So, Christmas morning, it’s just he and I at home and we’re exchanging gifts. I gave him gifts that I’d put a lot of thought into. They were very meaningful to him and he was happy and thankful.
He gave me my present, I unwrapped it and then just stared at in disbelief. He’d gotten me a All-in-one tv remote. We already had a all-in-one tv remote, the one he got was just a slightly better one. The one we had worked just fine, so the gift didn’t make sense to me. This was also my only present. All at once, this rush of disappointment came over me and I started crying. And kept crying... The ugliest crying you can imagine... when I could speak again through the crying I told him how it felt like he just got himself a gift since he primarily was the one who watched tv... I told him how he must not care about me or even know who I am if that’s what he got me. I felt there’s now way he loves me because you don’t get people you love shit impersonal presents. This escalated to him screaming at me about how I ruined Christmas, how I always ruin Christmas and that I’m an ungrateful bitch. I didn’t fight back beyond saying I didn’t think he loved me and repeatedly apologized saying I was depressed and I couldn’t control my reaction. I spent Christmas Day by myself feeling numb and broken while he went to celebrate with friends/family. He was angry with me for days, but eventually things when back to normal. Every so often he’d bring it up and how my reaction was completely out of line and it had really hurt him.
We broke up months later (not over that) and I haven’t seen him in many years.
I feel both tremendous guilt over my extreme reaction and still have anger with him over what transpired. Should he have been more empathic? Should I have accepted the gift, somehow controlled my emotions and thanked him for it? It’s the thought that counts, right? Do I have any right to feel hurt that 5 years into a serious relationship that my Christmas present was so meaningless?
Extra info: pervious christmases, the gifts he gave me weren’t all that special, but also not so impersonal.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
eSLU2XPV2uRGS3OYJJMAEhtD7n9vD3rU
|
ao4kun
|
{
"description": "ignoring a friend with depression",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for ignoring a friend with depression?
|
Alright so I'm new to this but having read a lot of these posts decided to post mine.
A little backstory me and this friend met back in highschool I moved, he stayed, then later moved to live with his sister and her boyfriend or fiancee(not sure which one). His parents were alcoholics to the point where they went out and got drunk leaving him alone for the most part or so I saw when I went over to his place. (Fast forward to after his move) we haven't talked much after we moved apart (I'm not a big social media user and dont really like calling people) we make small talk over messenger and I usually leave it unread but before this last Christmas we were talking I asked him how he was and he responded with just dealing with depression. So me being me left it unopened not knowing what to do because it was awkward atm.
This was my first post so please be gentle
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
T1vLWjsdFC6V3VQU3e7fjnvHPLG4Rz2m
|
9zjzfm
|
{
"description": "refusing to walk my girlfriend home alone",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to walk my girlfriend home alone?
|
Two years ago, I was walking home through my neighbourhood with my friend at about midnight. We were approached by a group of nine guys who surrounded us, and before I know it I was on the ground, blood everywhere, completely dazed and confused, having the living sh*t kicked out of me by myself as my friend managed to get away when the first punch was thrown. I ended up in hospital having headscans and assessments as the doctors were worried about possible damage to my head.
I didn’t realise it for about a year, but I have pretty bad PTSD-like symptoms from this, and I’ve been trying to get over this experience ever since. Two weeks ago I walked home from my girlfriends house who lives about 15 minutes away, at around midnight again. I saw the silhouettes of a group of guys ahead of me on the road, and I had what I’d class as maybe my first ever panic attack? I froze completely, legs went to jelly, and was overcome by fear before quickly running and hiding behind a parked car. I had to call my mom to come and pick me up as I couldn’t move.
Since that night two weeks ago there has been two attack’s on men walking by themselves in my neighbourhood, similar to what happened to me originally.
Last night my girlfriend was out with friends drinking and decided to get the bus home instead of a taxi, even though I had told her a taxi would be much safer. When she got off the bus, she called me and basically wanted me to walk to meet her, walk her the 3-4 minute walk back to her house from the bus, and then for me to walk home alone, all at about midnight. She knows about the attack, she knows how badly it has affected me, and yet she still wanted me to do this.
I told her that Im really sorry but I just couldn’t make myself do it as I’m really struggling with it at the moment. My car is in the garage so couldn’t drive to pick her up, which she also knew about. I offered to hop in my moms car with my mom (I’m not insured on it to drive it alone) to come get her to drop her home, and she went crazy at me for even suggesting that.
She went on to tell me that there are certain things a boyfriend are EXPECTED to do, that it’s the male’s job in a relationship, and basically went through how I’m flawed as a SO. Even after I explained the situation again, about how when I even offered a solution she rejected it as it wasn’t exactly what she wanted, she refused to see it from my point of view.
I understand why she would want that, but I feel like she’s not even coming close to considering my needs and feelings.
Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
Q8n6CzJ3AD3jRgBMjUFGtZBT4Uyz3iR9
|
a8iy4k
|
{
"description": "playing strip pong with my friend's girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for playing strip pong with my friend’s girlfriend?
|
I’m in college and this happened about two Halloween’s ago, but I thought I’d still share the story.
So there were a bunch of Halloween parties going on the weekend before Halloween and me and two other buddies decided to go to this really big one that a friend of ours was throwing. Before we went, we pregamed at someone else’s place, and I got really drunk from that, almost to the point of blacking out. So when we get there, there’s like 400+ people at this party, and most are waiting outside the house trying to get in. Somehow, me and my buddies come across my friend/roommate’s gf (S) and her friend (M) who I kinda had a crush on. We then decided to group up with them for the night, but next thing you know the party got crashed by the cops and we all had to dip out and find somewhere else to go.
We ended up getting a ride from my friend/roommate (B) who wasn’t really pleased that we called him for a ride, back to my apartment. Once we got back to my place, another friend of ours invited everyone to come drink at his place. So me, my buddies, and the two girls S and M ubered over there, while B who again was dating S, stayed home (I think he was trying to study for a test). On the way there, me and M were both pretty drunk and started getting kinda flirty with each other. Once we get there, we’re hanging out and S and M mention they wanna play beer pong. So we go to the garage and M kinda flirtatiously says we should play strip pong. So I, being drunk almost to the point of blacking out, am like hell fucking yeah. It was me and my best bud, against S and M. We’re playing and we’re having a good time; me and my buddy end up standing there in just our underwear, and M just ends up taking her shirt off (she had a sports bra on still). However S wasn’t really feeling it. Pretty sure she just wanted to play normal beer pong. She never took anything off, which I kinda gave her crap for, and she ended up letting one of our other guy friends take her place because she was uncomfortable with the whole situation (I felt pretty bad about it the next day and apologized to her for my behavior. She said she understood and wasn’t upset with me). I was mainly just trying to continue being flirty with M during the game though. I wasn’t trying to make a move on S at all. After the game, we all end up heading home, and I pass out in my bed.
The next morning I wake up to find an envelope with my phone in it (I accidentally left it in B’s car when he gave us a ride) had been slipped under my door. It was from B and I saw that he wrote “we need to talk” on it. I was super confused as to what was going on and text him asking what was up. He texts me saying how the friend who invited us over that night told him how I was playing strip pong with his gf and he was pretty pissed about it. Now maybe I was just being really naive in this situation, but I tried explaining to him that the game itself wasn’t sexual with how we were playing, but that it was just funny and a good time for everyone, not to mention that it was M’s idea to play. We had a bunch of people in there watching and laughing mainly at me and my buddy playing in just our underwear. Yeah, maybe I might’ve been trying to make some moves on M that night, but I was not in any way trying to make a move on his gf. He didn’t see it that way though and he went on a huge tirade saying how friends don’t try to get their friend’s girlfriends to strip. We ended up getting in a pretty heated argument over it while our other roommates kinda had to sit around and listen to us yelling at each other. My other friends who were at the pong game later helped explain the situation to him and he eventually calmed down a little, but he was still pretty upset with me for a while, maybe for about a week. We eventually cleared the air with each other and became good friends again. I think he eventually realized there was nothing going on between me and his girlfriend.
However I would like to know, was I the asshole in that situation?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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|
WRONG
|
ouKFNLDTVDmXyjiNmPtRUBZzqFWoFQa9
|
amzwgz
|
{
"description": "waking up my roommates at 3am",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for waking up my roommates at 3am?
|
After going out for the Super Bowl, me and my roommate got back a bit drunk. I live with him and his wife, who'd already gone to bed so we say our goodnights and all that and everything should be normal.
Well next thing I know it's 1:30am and I gotta shower and use the bathroom but it's locked. No problem, I just wait as usual.
Except a half hour later it's still locked.
I knock a bit and bang a bit, but still no response. And trust me, there's (probably) no way the bathroom can be accidentally locked. Cue the fear that something is wrong.
I'm debating between waking up the wife or just going to bed and hoping it's all fine in the morning. The fear of the former is that it turns out he's in bed and the bathroom's just locked, causing me terrible embarrassment. The fear of the latter is that he's passed out choking in a pool of vomit. In my awkward head, those are equally bad outcomes.
After another half hour spent pacing around the apartment, I decide I couldn't live with myself if I just went to sleep without making sure he was okay in there.
So I awkwardly wake up the wife at 3am. Understandably annoyed, she goes and starts banging on the door with a ferocity far more confident than mine. A minute of that passes as I finally hear him get up—perfectly fine.
Now it's 4am and I'm scared they'll hate me in the morning.
I know I'm dumb, but AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
EGDIG0OyqVcTOXzZBODlLnjyESPyDQwq
|
arn35r
|
{
"description": "locking my door when Im changing clothes",
"pronormative_score": 74,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for locking my door when Im changing clothes?
|
My step-dad keeps opening my door for no reason and its been pretty annoying. I always close my ( not lock it) door when I am changing clothes. I was changing my clothes today and my stepdad opens my door for no reason (he did not peek inside, he just opened the door while he was walking to his bedroom from the guest room). I got frustrated and I closed and locked the door. Seconds later he starts banging on my door and he yells at me for locking my door. I shouted that I was changing and he yelled back "THIS IS MY HOUSE!". A minute later, my mother comes upstairs to ask me "Did you learn your lesson?". Is my step-dad justified?
I can answer any questions.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
iS7hIrV8mc4sRG2r4M1zxgPzODKOrRWD
|
9xmb5i
|
{
"description": "ending a possible good friendship",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Ending a Possible Good Friendship?
|
This is my first time posting something on reddit.
I have a friend and we've been friends for a couple of months (almost one year). We have a lot of things in common like classes, music, articles we read on our free time; sometimes we study together and we always talk about things about classes. We text almost every day.
In the past couple of weeks I've been feeling attracted to her; she really is everything that I like. Even though my feelings are not strong right now, I definitely think that they will grow with time. She is a little older than me and works out; I've asked her out a couple of time and she's told me yes but only "as friends" which definitely tells me that if I tell her my feelings I will fall into the abyss of the friendzone.
A couple of days ago I told her that we would not be contacting each other for some time because I need time to get my feelings together, I don't want to fall for her. I feel that I am being a total jerk for not giving her an explanation. I think that ending the friendship right now could save me some pain in the future, but she doesn't that and I kinda feel like a a hole for doing that
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
VieZ0GAYnP9yuX7SYYDj5IPdVFyoI7Js
|
ahp1uj
|
{
"description": "not personally coming out to my cousin",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For not personally coming out to my cousin
|
So this happened awhile ago but it often plays on my mind once in awhile. On the day of coming out as gay I didn't plan to come out, but my brother caught me watching porn and he saw what I was watching (he already knew I was gay though and totally supportive of it). So I decided to rip the band aid off and officially come out to him, then my mom and then my dad. Everyone took it amazingly and were extremely supportive, I was relieved for two reasons, although I was almost certain they'd be great with it, I had the what if they aren't thought, and secondly I'm quite introverted and anxious and so opening up felt difficult anyway.
After they knew and my then best friend knew (she had known for a while), I decided to make a Facebook post to address the rest of my family and friends, with my family consisting of aunties, uncles and cousins. Again everyone was extremely supportive. I later found out from my mom, that one of my cousins (who I do get on with but not closely) was upset that I didn't come out to her personally. I can understand her position, but to be honest I just wanted to get it over with and rip the band aid off. I asked another family member about this and she said that my cousin needs to grow up.
So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
u5jEMsVtcJMSnDxyeWePItyGcWgaWpLP
|
afnasu
|
{
"description": "not introducing my gf to my mother",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not introducing my GF to my mother?
|
I know this sounds bizarre. Why haven’t you introduced her? Are you ashamed? I know, I know. Let me explain.
Short(ish) life story: So growing up I’ve had a shaky relationship with my mother. Sometimes she’s my best friend and sometimes I fear her existence. Household was her, myself, and two siblings. Sister’s Dad was sometimes around and me & my brother’s dad got banned from our existence for about 3-5 years at a time. Physical & Verbal abuse was rampant, with most of it being verbal after my aunt had a chat with my mother. I’ve been kicked out of her house which has led to me being homeless when I was 18. Now I’m not painting myself as this helpless victim. I did grow up to not have any drug problems, finished school, and waited to drink at 21, but I was a self-entitled idiot growing up because “woe is me and my circumstance” and “I deserve better”. I hated myself then and I still loathe who I was. Being homeless was probably the best eye opener for two reasons, I understood how scummy I was being when I was seriously put in circumstances where I had nothing but a backpack full of stuff. I was lucky to even have a phone and some headphones, & I realized how much I didn’t need to move back home to that environment.
Verbal abuse noted, I met a girl I really liked. After some months of long distance dating we risked it and I moved in with her. It’s going really well and after some complications, we have a child on the way. Til this day, my mother doesn’t know her. Initially, I meant to have her meet her... but each time I visited my girlfriend (who lived a whole 1000 miles from me at the time), I would get a call via messenger video chat and all of my family is there insisting they meet her. My girlfriend having ptsd and not being able to deal with confrontation or people in general real well, would shy away every time. Whenever I was on the phone with her and my mom would visit my brother, my mom would make comments about my clothes. Specifically my jeans being too tight (I wear slims but I have big calves) and my girlfriend didn’t like that all that much noting my history with her and her verbal abuse. What abuse you ask? I’m black & Japanese... being mixed has its own slurry of identity issues with you never belonging to any one group, so add on questions of sexuality at home due to a lack of a girlfriend and specific fashion choices and we got years of gay jokes at my expense.
To anyone of the LGBT reading this, it isn’t meant as a slam to you from me. In fact, it made me understand the pressures of coming out especially in the black community where for a while homophobia was secret but rampant. But I digress... these were the tame attacks compared to the years of uglier things I faced living with her.
Now I know, I could have just let these kinds of comment roll off my back. All 26 years of my life. But you know... it’s not that easy. Especially when it happens all the time and any response to it is just “you’re just too sensitive”. But now there’s a whole other person witnessing all of this. I can’t bring myself to try and defend or excuse my mother’s behavior. With a lot of my family even. Even though my brother and his girlfriend are now very well acquainted with my girlfriend with them being the only people I trusted wouldn’t run her away. Recently, my mom urged my brother to move in and he fell for it, and it’s not gone well. My brother, being the expressive person he is, urged my girlfriend to not meet her. Or tell her about our future child. In fact, we don’t even encourage that... my girlfriend seeing all of this is now way more convinced she probably shouldn’t meet her because of how much she reminds her of her ex (who was the source cause of her ptsd). Couple AITAs...
Am I the asshole for exposing her to all of this?
Am I the asshole for taking so long to introduce her?
Am I the asshole for agreeing with my brother in front of my girlfriend about my mom’s behavior?
Am I still an asshole and did nothing change while I was homeless?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
9oZK98WZ6h3eyrvE03pOVctJFQbwfUFV
|
b7xd6x
|
{
"description": "trading a cheap Walmart bike to my aunt, who has a bike that is mine",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA If I trade a cheap Walmart bike to my aunt, Who has a bike that is mine?
|
A bit of context. I lived outside of my home country for about five years, during those five years my dad lent to my aunt, his sister, a mountain bike that he built for me when I was younger, let's just say that it was, and still is, a really good bike. More than anything my connection with the bike is sentimental, in many ways that was my first mountain bike. What I was thinking to do about the situation was to buy a cheap bike to give them so as to ensure that they don't have a reason to say that they are short one bike, bear in mind that in the five years that I was out of the country they had plenty of time to buy another bike with even better parts than my old bike, and I have been back in my home country for two years now.
​
So here come the question Would I be the asshole if I follow through with the idea of giving my aunt a cheap bike so I can get back my old bike that was build by my dad ?
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"description": "not wanting to visit my friend",
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AITA for not wanting to visit my friend?
|
Backstory: I studied at a university in the south far from home and haven’t visited since graduation (about a year ago). Of course I made a ton of friends and I miss them all, but this is about my best friend from college.
Long story short - I am now working full time at a 10-12 hour/day stressful yet rewarding job. She just graduated a few weeks ago (she took an extra semester of school to study abroad) and now has a ton of free time.
She wants me to come visit her (she lives in the city I went to college in) but I’ve been trying to explain that I don’t have a lot of time off now that I’m working. She said that she misses me and keeps stressing how much it sucks that we can’t see each other.
Now I’m not broke, I make enough money to be able to travel, but I had already planned on using my vacation days for the rest of the year as days off for my own sanity and just breaks from the job.
A group of our college friends are all meeting in May for a vacation so I’ll see her then, but she keeps pressing me to come down and visit her.
When I suggested she come visit me up north, she immediately ranted about how she would never come up between November-March because it’s way too cold. I suggested she come in the summer but she said that it was too long of a time to wait. I live in one of the biggest cities in the country yet she still said it would be boring if she came and stayed on a Thursday and Friday because she only wanted to see me and not do other things. This is endearing and I recognize that she’s not trying to be rude or mean - she genuinely misses me.
I miss her a lot too, but it seems like she’s just asking me to do all the planning and taking time out when she’s not working and isn’t paying for anything herself. I don’t want to be petty and I really don’t want to be mean, but it just sort of feels like she doesn’t want to get out of her comfort zone at all.
Idk, what do you guys think? AITA? I feel like it, i know I should just go and visit her because she’s my friend and I love her but it’s just really frustrating.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "not allowing my son to go to church with his friend anymore",
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|
AITA for not allowing my son to go to church with his friend anymore?
|
Hello everyone. Throwaway for privacy, and my husband will be reading these responses as well.
Our son Jake has been best friends with Sam for four years. They are both 15 years old. About three years ago Sam's parents asked us if we would be alright with Jake going to church with them on Sunday so that our boys could have sleepovers there on Saturdays and we readily agreed. House to ourselves every other weekend? Yes please! On the other weekends, Sam sleeps over with us on Fridays. This is a decently consistent schedule during the school year.
Please note that Jake fully supported this and wanted to learn about religion as his father and I are non-believers. We have nothing against religion and we were initially excited to see him wanting to explore his beliefs.
About a year ago Jake began making comments that we were not fond of. Example: "If you do X, you'll go to hell." He would say this in response to us "gossiping" (talking about an actor), saying words like "asshole" (which, fair, I'll give him that one), and punishing him for bad behavior/grades (taking away his playstation). This escalated to him judging how we live and conduct ourselves, because we do not adhere to "normal" church behaviors. Example: My husband does the laundry, which my son said is not a man's duty.
At that point, we sat him down and had a long discussion on sexism, gender roles, etc. The whole nine yards. My husband and I also had a conversation with Sam's parents which we thought went over well.
Except his behavior hasn't changed, only became less targeted. He quoted the bible at us last week when I wouldn't let him practice driving. He quoted it again when my husband opened a beer. And again when my sister and I mentioned a current hot button topic.
I'm done. We're done. We told him that if he was going to use his religious beliefs/knowledge in such away, then he could no longer attend church. We spoke with Sam's parents about having sleepovers be only on Fridays at either house, but now they're mad because they think we're judging them for their beliefs/way of life and putting us on blast all over Facebook. But it's only because our son apparently isn't mature enough at 15 (I *know* this is ridiculous) to handle religion, I swear. We've lost two mutual friends over this situation and Sam isn't allowed at our house anymore (their decision) so at this point I'm doubting our decision to pull him from church because this is a lot of shit to deal with. Jake, of course, says he hates us.
I don't know. So are we the asshole? I honestly didn't think we were until this blew up.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "telling a guy to stop following us around",
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"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA telling a guy to stop following us around.
|
When I was in college in the UK (16 years old) their was this one kid who just followed me and my friendship group around everywhere. We would walk 20 minutes away and he would follow us and just say really shitty jokes e.g. That woman is as fat as your mum.
For the first two months of college I was cool with it and no one else said anything except for bitch about him online (I really don't like going behind someones back like this). So I decided enough was enough and just straight up said to him 'you gotta stop following us because we aren't your friends and your jokes are just rude'. I think I said it in a better way than that but I just wanted to get the point across to him.
He proceeded to cry and not come back to college for the rest of the week.
In which I got told that I was a bully and a asshole from the 'friends' who were bitching behind his back.
AITA in this situation and should I just have let him follow us ?
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HISTORICAL
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|
AITA for not supporting my sisters “body positivity” posted all over my social media and family to see?
|
My sister has always been the type to preach “body positivity” because of her life long struggle with an eating disorder. I’m all about her being able to express herself and be creative however she wants, unless it means posting your nudes for your entire family to see. I don’t mind it as much as the rest of my family but my parents are starting to get questions from friends if she’s ok. On top of this all she has been going to doctors appointments and therapy sessions for years which she’s finding out are more costly than expected. My family isn’t exactly well off and my parents have done what they can for her treatments, but that hasn’t been enough I guess. When my family can’t support her though she tells us she’s going to have start stripping and selling nudes since she quit her job and has been on unemployment. To make this even more unsettling, she’s married to a man that has been pimping her out and supporting her in promoting and selling her nudes. I’m becoming concerned for her safety and sanity but she’s not talking to half my family and I don’t know how or if any of us can make her realize how toxic the situation she’s in is. Basically I just want to know if I’m being an uptight sister for not wanting to see or support this life for her.
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HISTORICAL
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"description": "being angry at my sister for not attending our fathers funeral because of his criminal history",
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"contranormative_score": 488
}
|
AITA For being angry at my sister for not attending our fathers funeral because of his criminal history.
|
My father died right before new years. He passed away from natural causes while incarcerated and serving a life sentence. His next parole hearing was in less than a year but he suffered from lung cancer (smoker) and he also had a hip injury last october which at 70 can lead to complications.
My father was a provider to a family of three kids, my mother never had to work. He paid for my sisters wedding. He paid for my brothers braces and dental work all out of pocket. At home I would say that he was kind to us 70% of the time.
However, my father was also a semi famous in our local area (in the late 80's and early 90's) as a murderer. He has now paid his due to society.
My sister (the one who got her wedding paid for) refused to attend his funeral, even though both me and my elderly mother asked. She says that our father was just a monster and that she doesnt want to participate in it.
I feel very angry about this. I realize she is an adult but I also feel like she is being childish and over dramatic and extremely hurtful to not just me but my elderly mother who has lost the will to live.
I want to tell her to give back the money the monster paid for your wedding since you think that. AITA.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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atni7h
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{
"description": "asking the person I'm babysitting for more",
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|
WIBTA if I ask the person I'm babysitting for more
|
Hey, background, babysitting my friends youngest brother (I'm 18f as well as friend) baby is 15 months old. She said it would be from 8-3 all week. 200$ for the whole week. (Roughly 5.75 an hour) I am slightly disabled due to fibromyalgia and CFS. I am also a student on our reading week (week off execpt for night classes) the babysitting has put me in a bad flair of fatigue and pain.
Well today is the last day. The amount of crap I have had to put up with is astounding. First she didnt tell me that shes been giving him 4 cups of prune juice per day, because of stomach issues, thanks for the heads up about the poo explosion. She let's him do whatever he wants including hitting the pets, pulling hair, ect. Give me very little instructions throughout the whole week. And the main issue has been 45mins-1 hour late every day. Would I be the asshole if I asked for another 5$ per day to make up for it? Any day home would which is where he is going next week.
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HYPOTHETICAL
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b0mlis
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"description": "taking a vacation without my fiancee",
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|
WIBTA if I took a vacation without my fiancee?
|
Sorry if this sounds like an /r/relationships post, but I'll try and get to the point quickly. My SO and I are recently engaged (both are 22), and we will be getting married next year in the summer. I've been interested in the solo traveling style for a while now, but I really haven't been able to attempt it because the last time I was single I didn't have enough money/time for a trip. Now that I'm older and have a bit more money to spend, I wanted to take a long weekend trip out west to Idaho/Wyoming area to see Yellowstone and the Boise area. I haven't planned it out too much yet, because of this situation, but I'd stay out there about 4-5 days to visit the National Parks in the area. It's not that I don't want her there with me, but I've just always wanted to try this, and it would probably be a bit weird to do it after we are married. But it might also seem weird that I'd want to take a solo trip without her even with context.
I don't know anymore, so I'm just gonna leave it out there and see any responses I receive. I'll try to respond to questions when I can, but i'll be in and out since I'll be in class today.
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abyddz
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{
"description": "not wanting to upload pictures of my child on Instagram",
"pronormative_score": 33,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to upload pictures of my child on Instagram?
|
My girlfriend is pregnant and she’s really excited. A lot of her friends have kids and they take hundreds of selfies with them and upload videos of them playing and talking everyday.
This seems harmless but it’s always left a bad taste in my mouth.
My girlfriend said it’s like a modern photo album, I said “it’s not, it’s like a photo album that’s kept in a library for everyone to see and judge”
I don’t want someone I don’t know judging my child. I don’t want my child to be self conscious about itself because it’s grown up having every part of its life monitored and shared online.
I also like to enjoy experiences privately and I don’t think laughing at your child behind an iPhone is bonding.
Lastly, most people don’t give a shit about your kid so why force it on people
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HISTORICAL
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ar75he
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"description": "taking a homeless person's dog",
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|
AITA for taking a homeless person’s dog?
|
I know the title sounds awful but please read the full story. Every time I walk to my gym I see this cute little dog looking miserable. The dog (it’s a she) is sometimes with her owner, a homeless guy in his 40s, but most of the time she gets tied to a pole and left there for hours. I wanted to report this to authorities but I was told that because most shelters in our area are kill shelters that could be even worse for the dog. Recently it’s been showing a lot in my city and seeing the poor dog tied to the pole was just too much. A few nights ago my fiancé and I were walking back from a restaurant in the area and saw the dog alone again, we decided to take her home. When I told my mother she was outraged, she says homeless people need their animals to keep them company and that I had no right to take her. I told her a dog isn’t a toy and people shouldn’t get one if they can’t look after it. My mom says I’m cruel and don’t care about human beings. I disagree and maintain that you should not have an animal you can’t take care of. We took the dog to the vet, he said she’s a little over a year, malnourished but not critically. We scheduled her shots and made sure she was okay. The plan is either to keep her or let my aunt’s family adopt her. We have two cats (they’re used to dogs) and we’re leaving our apartment to live in a house with a backyard in a few months. On the other hand my 8 year old cousin fell in love with the dog from the moment she saw her. Regardless, we all live in the same city and will be there for the doggy to shower her with love. I just hope my mom gets over it.
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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|
an2oly
|
{
"description": "giving out false information to idiots",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for giving out false information to idiots?
|
So at my uni the grades are curved quite harshly. the worse 50% always fails. The strong shall eat the weak and so on. Because of this I made the effort to collect some "meta knowledge." I found out who writes the test, what may come up on the test and what they will most likely not ask (the means I used are entirely legal and compliant with university regulations). Then I picked the exercise group of the guy who writes the test and wrote a summary of the important topics.
Somehow another guy learned about this and constantly bothered me about sending him the summary/exercise slides and I constantly told him to fuck off since I'm not here to work for others for free. Since he insisted I got so annoyed that I ended up sending him an outdated version of a summary that I found online. Well it turns out he failed and dropped out of uni.
AITA for telling him to do his own work and sending him shit to get him to finally shut up?
|
HISTORICAL
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9tctnd
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{
"description": "stopping a gaming session with my friend after he repeatedly made fun of me for being \"too dumb\" to remember all the words",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for stopping a gaming session with my friend after he repeatedly made fun of me for being "too dumb" to remember all the words?
|
I [girl] started playing CoD with him when it came out some weeks ago, which was my first ever first person shooter, and he had played nearly all previous CoD games.
He was really helpful as a teacher, but all the time he either made fun of me for asking stuff (e.g. today I asked what a K9 is, and he wouldn't stop making fun of me for not knowing this - without even explaining it) or for asking what things mean more than once. I see how someone could find this annoying, but i asked him several times to cut me some slack please, because there are so many new words (all the weapons, game modes, ults, special attacks, ...) that it's really not realistic to remember everything immediately, especially because I have a life outside of gaming, and I have never played a shooter before.
The specific situation was that someone in the chat wrote "Sniper2000 how did you get that calling card?" and I asked what a calling card is. Cue my friend acting like I am retarded for asking this, because clearly he mentioned it before (once when we set up my initial player icon)... And he just doesn't stop. It's not a one sentence rant, it's a fullblown discussion how it is my fault that I am just too dumb to remember (his wording might have been different). At this point I got so tired of it that I said I'm going to leave and disconnected from the discord server (after the game ended).
Anyway I know it was snappy of me to leave like this, but I feel degraded and even after asking hundreds of times if he could stop, he just continues to make fun of me and act like I am mentally retarded. AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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aq0oyp
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"description": "wearing town name/university clothes when I did not go to the university",
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|
AITA for wearing town name/university clothes when I did not go to the university?
|
My hometown is home to one of the country's top universities, and the university has the same name as the town. I accumulated a few items while living there that say "(Town)" on them. Some of them I did buy at the university store, but I don't have anything that actually says "(Town) University." I should also note that one of the items is actually from my high school which is called (Town) High School.
Now I am past college and living in another state with my boyfriend. He has recently confronted me about my hometown gear and says that it makes him uncomfortable when I wear it out in public. He says that it's a dick move because I am putting the idea out into the world that I went to (Town) University and basking in the assumption that I went to a top school. He even went so far as to say that I'm doing it, whether I realize it or not, because I was a C-D student my whole life and I want people to think I'm smarter and more hardworking than I actually am.
I don't think I'm doing that, and I don't think I am flaunting it as much as he is accusing me. I have like two drawstring bags, a hoodie, and a t-shirt (which has my HS colors) out of *everything* I own and I don't wear any of them that often. I guess I can see where there could be confusion, but it's not like I am wearing stuff from a completely random place, it's my home town. Am I actually the asshole?
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"description": "expecting my sister to do extra chores, even when she's sick",
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|
AITA for expecting my sister to do extra chores, even when she's sick?
|
Just a rant to get things off my chest more than anything, TLDR at the bottom.
​
I live in a house with my dad, my sister, my little brother, and our dogs. I've been living her for over five years, she moved in with us about a year and a half ago. I love her, but she is a lot to handle.
Since the beginning of the year, I have been eating healthier and working a LOT. At my busiest, I work upwards of 70 hour weeks but the pay is great, and I am happy where I am. My sister doesn't work at the moment, she is constantly sick, she takes LONG naps pretty much every day, smokes a lot, and she is not a very healthy eater. I don't believe this makes me better than her, or anything like that, but it's just the facts.
A few days ago, I had a TERRIBLE stomachache, I'll save you the gruesome details, and she offered to do the dishes for me that night (my chore) because I wasn't feeling well. I thanked her and said yes.
Today, she woke up not feeling well again and while I empathise with her, I am getting a little tired of hearing it. I know its genuine, but it's still irritating. She took another long nap today, and since it's one of my days off I also laid down and dozed off for a while.
I woke up from the dogs scratching at me and whining, it was 6pm and they hadn't been walked yet. My sister was still sleeping, so I got up, got dressed, and took the dogs on a walk. She was awake by the time I got back (probably because the dogs bark a lot before going on a walk). So its fine.
A little while ago, I asked if she would do the dishes tonight since I walked the dogs for her. She agreed at first, but after a few minutes it was clear she wasn't okay with it. I tried to pass it off as a joke, since we often joke with each other, but she was serious. She said what basically sums up to: "I did your chores when you were sick." Keeping in mind that all she has right now is a runny nose and slightly sore throat.
So I was annoyed, but I left it, and a little while later I sent her a message apologising if I upset her, and that I hadn't meant anything by it, wanting to clear the air and be the bigger person.
She sent back a LONG message complaining about how she feels like everyone else gets a pass on chores when they're sick, but she always has to do them anyway. She is CONSTANTLY sick to the point where if we gave her a pass on chores when she was sick she'd never have to do them. I don't always ask her to cover my chores, but because she doesnt do anything and I'm always working, I DO expect her to do her own chores even when she's sick, and if I've worked a 14 hour day yeah it would be nice if she could do the damn dishes at night so I dont have to come home and put away dishes I didnt use from meals that I didnt eat.
​
TLDR: My sister is always sick, and complains about having to do chores when she's sick. Covered her chores today, asked her to do mine in exchange, and she gets mad.
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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ad3esd
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{
"description": "not correcting the new Gamestop cashier's mistake",
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|
AITA for not correcting the new Gamestop cashier's mistake
|
So earlier tonight I made a trip to gamestop to trade in a game for store credit and take advantage of this buy 2 pre-owned games get 1 free deal they currently have going on. I got $20 store credit and the games I planned to buy were $40 and $25 respectively. This should have made my purchase around $45 total and include the third game for free.
However, the cashier that rang me up was new, as one of the other workers walked him through how to do trade-ins for the first time. As he was still familiarizing himself with the system, he messed up and scanned in two of the games I was getting (the $25 one and the intended free one) as trade-ins. This mistake ended up giving me an extra $11 store credit instead of charging me. This now made my total purchase under $10.
When I was told my total I was surprised, but didn't say anything as the initial relief of saving $35 seemed like a huge stroke of luck. I'm not familiar with Gamestop's employee policies or even if anyone noticed the mistake after I left, but I can't help but feel that this new guy might receive some type of punishment for his mistake.
Am I an asshole for just walking out and not correcting the mistake?
|
HISTORICAL
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|
{
"description": "telling my potential roommate that her boyfriend is not allowed in our house",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I tell my potential roommate that her boyfriend is not allowed in our house?
|
My best friend is in a very emotionally and physically abusive relationship. Her boyfriend has drained pretty much all of her money. They just got kicked out of the house they were staying in and she asked me if she could move in with me and my boyfriend until they find a place. Sure, no problem. I did tell her however that she can not bring one of her dogs because the lease states that we can only have small dogs. I hate her boyfriend and so does my boyfriend. We don’t even want him to be in our house. She originally asked me if they could both move in with us but I told her no. I know that if she is living with us she will want him to come over because he is boyfriend after all. Am I in the wrong for not wanting him there at all? How do I tell her this without seeming like an asshole?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 23,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 24,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
yDbIouLBiRT58FgpT1GumcA3sKhF9sf6
|
b0umz4
|
{
"description": "going to dinner with the guy my acquaintance was talking to",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for going to dinner with the guy my acquaintance was talking to?
|
Going to try to shorten this, but basically I've (24 F) had a crush on this guy in one of my classes (24 M) for a while now. Turns out one of my acquaintances (22 F) (we're in the same major and we've taken multiple classes together but I don't know her out of class and for some reason I've always got the vibe she doesn't like me) was interested in this same guy. He would always try to talk to me and flirt with me and help me with projects in class but he seemed really shy and I was hesitant to ask for his number because I'm fresh out of a long term relationship that ended last fall. So this girl starts to hang around him a lot more, obviously was into him and would interject herself in our conversations. Then one day she asks if he wants to go to lunch in front of me. He says sure.
I noticed them hang out a couple times afterwards on campus. and honestly I'm not sure if this makes me the asshole but I'm really into this guy so I decide I probably need to make a move at this point and speak up. So I find him on instagram and ask for his number. He asks if I want to hang out some time and then asked if I wanted to go to dinner the next night so we go and hit it off, everything's going great. We coincidentally run into her leaving and she just says "oh okay" passive aggressively and then walks off when she sees us. He says that they hung out literally couple of times but he wasn't interested in her.
She confronts me the next day in class and says that she sees what kind of person I am and that I knew she was talking to him and called me a "fucking bitch" when she walks away. I'm such an unconfrontational person so it was beyond uncomfortable.
TLDR: Me and acquaintance/girl I know from classes liked the same guy in our class. She asked him to lunch first, hung out with him a couple of times. I ask for his number and we go to dinner. She confronts me and calls me a bitch. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
XHpecg9T997R5svCQw277VNMO8z36Mlr
|
9vll0v
|
{
"description": "no longer being friendly with my coworker after having to listen to him talk about his issues",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for no longer being friendly with my coworker after having to listen to him talk about his issues.
|
I've been at my job for a little over a year, and for the first couple months one of my co workers and I were relatively friendly. Exchanging pleasantries and asking about each others weekends. Not to the extent that another co worker and I are friends and always joking around, but friendly enough.
After a couple more months it got to the point were he would stop by my desk while i'm clearly busy working and start chatting. He did this several times a day, often starting with the question "Busy?" to which I always answered "very busy!" and then would continue to drone on.
One day he stopped by and proceeded to ask me questions about my marriage followed by 40 minutes about his relationship and all the trust issues he has with his new girlfriend because of his ex-wife. 40 frikin minutes.
The next day I decided I'd had enough and stopped talking to him outside of a "morning!" when I walk in and "have a good one!" when I leave. When he asks conversation starting questions about my weekend or life I give him one word responses and don't ask after his weekend, which he is so clearly fishing for. He eventually started to get the message, and mostly doesn't talk to me anymore. He even seems to be scared to ask me about work related things.
Apparently he is now going around the office chatting to other people while they're trying to work. and people are annoyed.
I feel like an asshole, mostly because when my other co-worker comes by, we chat and joke around, although we do so while we're working on things together. And I'm worried it's coming off as high school assholery.
So, Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
DJ8B61oKlOxwAmfqLipYHMEMUGmleqv2
|
aizxcd
|
{
"description": "blocking an online gamer buddy who got clingy",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for blocking an online gamer buddy who got clingy?
|
I met a nice person online randomly while playing a game. We hit if off and starting online gaming together regularly. You could say a friendship starting developing.
However, after a few weeks red flags started showing up. This person started acting like we were best friends.
They wanting support after a “hard day”, making passive aggressive comments if I didn’t get online when he wanted me to, making comments about me playing with other people more than him, etc.
As such, this behavior is making me uncomfortable and I’ve started distancing myself. Ignoring messages, hiding my online status, etc.
This person is nice, but they turned a casual online gaming thing into a “be my best friend” thing.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
lJZ7mUYmldVUMRxZWvF3tCTlgqFCC25d
|
b0n18o
|
{
"description": "wanting period sex",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting period sex? (20F)
|
So I love my boyfriend (21M), and we have great chemistry in bed. I’m a very physical person with a high libido and most of the month we both perfectly fulfill each other’s needs. On my period, sometimes I’m hornier and sex can help me with my cramps, but my man doesn’t like getting his dick up in that. We’ve tried it a couple times with a condom (we usually don’t use one as I have an IUD and we’re both clean), but he still gets some blood on him and then I feel bad because I know he’s not comfortable with it. I’m torn between wanting to make sure he’s comfortable and kind of feeling like shit because I’m less desirable because of something I can’t control. Thoughts? Think he might eventually change his mind? I’ve been with guys before who don’t mind period sex at all. I love my man and I’m willing to give up sex for a week each month so that he’s comfortable, but idk I kind of would like some input.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 17,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
lagW5k1K5WqSMXadP4pfhSDbj1W91nfV
|
aotjb1
|
{
"description": "getting angry at my so when being told to shave",
"pronormative_score": 96,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for getting angry at my SO when being told to shave?
|
Hi, I (28M) have been with my SO (28F) for 3 years and we have a great solid relationship. At the moment it's long distance (relevant) but we'll be reunited soon. However, as with all relationships, we have our disagreements.
​
There is one thing, however, that causes more discontent than I think it should.
​
I generally shave my beard (if you can call it that anyway) as it's better for work and I generally prefer to be clean shaven.
​
But sometimes 1) I like to have it grow a little bit and see it how looks, etc.; 2) I just can't care to shave and so it grows a little bit. Having said that, I'm almost always clean shaven.
​
So the thing is, my SO doesn't like me when I don't shave. She is VERY VERY VERY vocal about not liking that. I would understand if she were her next to me and she didn't like the feeling of the beard (which is why I never let it grow when we were in the same city) but now that we're long distance she doesn't even have to deal with that!!! It's been growing for a week and she's been complaining non-stop multiple times a day and certainly every time I try to send her a nice picture.
​
It annoys me to no end because I don't really like being told what to do with my body (maybe immature? whatever), especially if it's within reason - I'm not getting a full body dragoon tattoo!!! The beard can be shaven in 5 mins and it's gone!!!
​
So every time she tells me that I should shave because I'm ugly with my beard and she says it's like as if I was overweight or other offensive things, I cut contact with her for a while. I think it's the only way to let her really understand that I don't like or accept this behavior. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 89,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 7,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 96,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
RIGHT
|
5C7zfPqnhCRpGIL6bofqOTsyfKwPH3NN
|
b2xpmb
|
{
"description": "not allowing my roommate's mother to stay with us",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not allowing my roommate's mother to stay with us?
|
I live in small 2-bedroom apartment in a very large & expensive city. I often sublet the spare bedroom to people who come to town for extended stays. I provide them with everything they need bedroom-wise...bed, nightstand, dresser, TV, linens, and of course they are welcome to use any of the amenities I have in the apartment. Every tenant signs a sublease with me listing the rules and expectations of the house. One of these rules is my guest policy: 48 hours max.
​
Currently, I have a roommate who has been taking advantage of this policy. First, it was a guy she was seeing that was spending multiple nights in a row. Then, another friend came to visit from out of town. This friend was originally scheduled to stay for 4 nights, but I reminded my roommate of the policy she had agreed to, and now he's only here for 2 nights. Last night (while her friend was still in town) she told me her mother is coming to stay with us next week. For 4 nights.
​
Again, I remind my roommate of the policy she agreed to, but this time she pushed back. She said things are "pretty tough" with her family right now and she would really appreciate it if her mother could stay for 4 nights. I stayed firm on my no (beyond 2 nights). My roommate was not happy about this and is clearly very upset with me.
​
Am I being ridiculous here? I was very upfront about this rule, and I live by it, too, btw. I also offered to help her mother find an affordable housing alternative for her visit, because if things are as "tough" as roommate says they are, there are certainly options available.
​
TL;DR I have a strict 48hr guest policy for sublets in my apartment. Roommate has a ton of guests, now wants mother to stay for 4 nights and insists that I should allow it because "things are tough" right now. I still said no.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
0jTq9Ah9irxSVrZMZTKdYDanjWeVeeMa
|
b399gy
|
{
"description": "betting crazy amounts in a game of Poker with friends",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for betting crazy amounts in a game of Poker with friends？
|
So my friends and I were playing a casual game of poker during a gathering, but they set the rules so that the maximum bet was five dollars.
But after a short while I felt that the game was totally pointless because there no way to make a person fold. Nobody cared about 5 dollars so the game just became everybody without a good hand folding at the first turn and the rest go all-in. There were no mind games anymore so anybody without a good hand didn't have a chance at all.
I felt that everybody should have a chance to play the game and the game was only fun because you could play mind games so I suggested we play the game the way it should be: no maximum bets. They said ok. So I went crazy.
I started using large amounts to make people fold like how the game was supposed to be and after a few rounds everybody was telling me I was playing dirty. AITA for playing the game the way it was？It's not like they couldn't afford it they just didn't want to take the risks and stuff.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
RnL4Ui51cLZYRZxtXP9JkcIxtb0VwrG9
|
ak33d7
|
{
"description": "moving out of my parent's house on a month's notice",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for moving out of my parent’s house on a month’s notice?
|
My fiancé and I lived with my parents to save money. After about a year we had enough to furnish an apartment without going into our house funds. At this time we knew the lease on the house was up at the end of the next month. There had been drama with my fiancé and my mom so everything lined up for us to move out. I told parents we’re going to move out since the lease is up and we want to be on our own.
I paid 350$ rent and nothing else. We buy our own food and I had given my parents 5000$ to pay off debt so that’s my justification for not paying utilities. They told us they couldn’t afford the house if we moved out and that we never even pay utilities. I asked them why not get a smaller house since the lease was up? They said it wasn’t up until a couple months later.
My mother and father are pathological liars. Knowing this I called the landlord and asked him myself. He reconfirmed that the lease was up within 4 weeks.
I now own a house with my fiancé and we’re doing well! My parents don’t contact me anymore though and I have no urge to contact them. I feel so much happier but I still wonder if I am the asshole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
78uTYBafxzrXt6wt8fnYm9Te8jNphH0S
|
aar3qn
|
{
"description": "ditching out on family last minute",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ditching out on family last minute?
|
Things that you should know about me that are relevant to the question.
1. I have anxiety and depression. Both have been diagnosed by a doctor and I take medication.
2. My brother is a marine and he is back home on leave before he deploys for a couple of years.
3. My brother, sisters, and I went through a lot of abuse and neglect when we were younger. No one in our extended family did anything to try to help us. Also we NEVER speak of this. EVER.
4. Myself and my two sisters have all attempted suicide at one point in our lives. Our parents know about it but they never have talked to any of us about this ever. It is to be ignored just like our traumatic childhood.
My brother has been home for about a week. We already have spent 3 days together in a rented home. On top of daily visits where we just hang out. My family has never spent this much time together ever. But since my brother is leaving we are trying to cram as much time together as possible. This is absolutely draining on me mentally but I can’t tell them that. They wouldn’t take it seriously and it will just create drama. Tonight we were supposed to go to a basketball game. My parents bought us the tickets, which was really nice of them. I just didn’t have it in me mentally. I tried going out to dinner and struggled the entire time. I felt overwhelmed and anxious and just needed a break. So after dinner I said I wasn’t feeling well and went home. I know I disappointed everyone and I do feel bad about it but I just couldn’t.
I know this is long and rambling I just had to tell someone what was going on. If you have taken the time to read this far, thank you.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
bNxnsVRGopDCTUODXWm2VCT7iXsFUq6C
|
b2ttl4
| null |
AITA for apparently flirting with a gay guy
|
From the beginning let me just say that I'm straight, nervous around women, and am still not sure what constitutes as flirting, but while I was talking and joking with this guy at a bar, and before he left he leaned in for a kiss and I pulled away and said that I'm straight, and he was all saying I was flirting with him and leading him on, and I'm just wondering if I messed up here or not
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
89L27fJ1mNxebnIThcKe8ZMExoHtQf5p
|
awqc9x
|
{
"description": "cutting my mother out of our lives at least temporarily",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for cutting my mother out of our lives at least temporarily?
|
Almost two months ago my husband and I took in my best friends children after she unfortunately passed away from stage 4 cancer. We had been best friends since elementary school and I felt so honored that she left us as their next of kin.
We took them in, filed for legal guardianship and are now working on adopting them with the court case being later this month. I thought both of our families would be happy for us even though the circumstances weren’t good.
My husband’s side has been so supportive and so helpful. They have been so loving and took them in as their own “grandchildren” right away. My family did the same except for my mother.
My mother has been so defensive and cold towards me. She calls me and tells me this is the worst decision we’ve ever made and we should be having our own kids not taking in someone else’s. She’s been so nasty towards my husband and I that I’ve keep the children away from her. They don’t need to hear her bad mouth them and say awful things. They lose their mother and are dealing with so much, they don’t need that as well.
My mother and I used to be very close but this just hurts my husband, hurts me and hurts our relationship. I ended up crying yesterday and today just because of how frustrating this has been. I love these kids and wouldn’t change them living with us for the world. They deserve to be loved, safe and happy no matter what my mother says. So WIBTA for stepping back from her even though she is my mother?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
HVuA8wUv9D3v86fx1pqnR0Ba1kA3RLhi
|
ba5rcb
|
{
"description": "wanting to rehome or euthanize our cat",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for wanting to rehome or euthanize our cat?
|
Disclaimer: I love my cat very much and I'm struggling to find the right solution so please don't be too hard on me
My wife and I adopted a cat from a shelter last year and unfortunately it turns out she has a spinal injury that causes issues when she squats, mainly a loss of sensation back there. This leads to constant accidents around the house and anal glands needing to be drained, infections leading to vomit and constant visits to the vet. We've done everything we can including buying the most expensive fiber food to keep her stool soft, putting puppy pads around the house, we have tried multiple litters and litter boxes, nothing we do helps our cat. And it's worth mentioning that our cat seems very happy, she doesn't seem to be in any pain or suffering, just discomfort I think.
The vet says there is nothing they can do to fix this aside from antibiotics and draining the anal glands when they fill up..short of that he said it's all just pain management.
I've brought up the possibility of moving her to the farm to be a farm cat (where they're very nicely taken care of) or finding her a new home or ultimately, putting her down... None of these suggestions go over well at all and leads to very tough arguments.
AITA?
Are there any other suggestions you have to give me some perspective
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
neBdZKtRuUocqzeQtzS1YPrGgMR3e80C
|
a01z7u
|
{
"description": "telling the slow guy at the dump not to help me with my trash",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling the slow guy at the dump not to help me with my trash?
|
Background: I live in an isolated rural community without trash service. The dump attendant is a large(!) man with some type of cognitive injury or disability. I haven't lived here long and I am one of the youngest adult members of the community.
The first time I went up there, the guy made it a point to tell me I was pretty. As a fairly petite woman, in a completely isolated spot with an imposing stranger, I was instantly uncomfortable with this guy. During some renovations with my mother, we have needed his help moving a handful of items--but during the winter, bulk trash isn't an issue. Household bags only. I'm fit and perfectly capable of hauling my 2 small grocery bags of garbage.
I drive a 15 passenger van. The last two times I've been up there, the weather has been shit so instead of getting out to organize the recycling, I just step into the back. Twice now, he has opened my side doors while I'm in there. Last time, I just kept it kicking, threw my trash out and left. This time, I said "hey man, can you please not try to open my van?". He said "oh, I was just trying to help." Okay. I threw my trash away and as I walked back to the van he said "I didn't mean any harm. I won't try to help again." My response was a bit of defeated muttering about "I appreciate the help but...uh..yeah, okay. Thanks."
Am I overreacting to this guy? Do I need to make amends with this dude or can we just keep it kicking. I honestly don't want to be chit chatty "friends" with him but this is a small island community and I don't know if I've stepped over the line with him--considering he's delayed.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
W0h1ZHWPCtYYzgeBIandStbZZfMpp591
|
9wjsu6
|
{
"description": "not wanting to cook dinner after a 14 hour shift",
"pronormative_score": 17,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For not wanting to cook dinner after a 14 hour shift.
|
So I'm a door engineer. I install and repair automatic doors.
I just did a 14+ hour day. 9:30am - 11:30pm. Four repairs and two or of hours installations for a bank in London.
I drive 3 hours home and for some fucked up reason my girlfriend has gone hungry today like an infant.
It's past midnight here in the UK and she asked me as soon as I got home 15 minutes ago to make her some food. I said I can't, I'm gonna have a shower and go to bed, I already ate a pretty big lunch so I wasn't planning on cooking and she goes ballistic. Saying I didn't tell her I was going to be gone this late and I didn't tell her when I was home (I did)
I asked her, if I was in a car accident and didn't ever come home would she just fucking starve? How hard is it to bring a pizza in the oven and set a timer if she's so hungry. Why wait for me to return home and cook. I'm not her Dad.
She works too but has had over five hours to cook. Or order a takeaway.
On top of it, she's mad at me for working so much now. I get it, I do work a lot but I'm just trying to pay my mortgage and bills. Which she doesn't contribute to despite us having lived together for over a year now.
It starts this whole argument and I've now had to go out for a walk. Posting this from a park bench.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 17,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 17,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
4Nl13a9jqjzAChguLVlyKvAqphwLWi7o
|
akvn5m
|
{
"description": "asking my roommate to be quiet",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my roommate to be quiet
|
So my roommate just broke up with her boyfriend of four years. It was a pretty serious relationship - like they spoke in terms of "WHEN we get married...". I get it. Rough situation. However, my roommate chooses to cope with this in the most irritating ways. She sits in the room all day and night popping bubble wrap, watching gossip girl without headphones, and having friends over in the room. None of this is inherently problematic, but she extends this past the time I go to bed. I usually get into bed at 11 pm and the gossip girl/visit with friends/bubble wrap popping will continue until about three am. On top of that, I have an auditory processing disorder that makes it really hard for me to block out these sounds. And I have 8ams every morning! So does she! AITA for asking her to move to the lounge after I go to bed or while I'm studying. I genuinely feel her pain with this breakup and I don't want to make it seem like her sadness is a burden for me, but this is my room too, and I feel like these accommodations are fair.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
IVyiTTyT92I1sz14fgQOokAPsJetC3YS
|
a8nupk
|
{
"description": "exposing a kid's theft right next to his mother",
"pronormative_score": 44,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for exposing a kid's theft right next to his mother?
|
Posting from mobile. My phone is the asshole if there are any issues.
I am 19 years old and working in my family's store for this situation. My role is usually restocking and "loss prevention" when not restocking.
I spotted a child, probably around 8 years old, who took a pack of fidget spinner (not my choice to have them in stock). I kept my eyes on him at a distance, especially when he went into a corner of the store. He started looking around so I knew the boy was up to no good. I pretended to be on my phone and he went under the table then came back out.
After the boy left the corner, I checked under the table and there's an empty package for fidget spinner so this is definitely theft and not simple mischief of shoving toys where people can't find them. However, I chose not to confront the boy just then.
I purposefully waited until the boy met up with his mother. I then tapped on his shoulder while showing the empty package. He gave up sooner than expected and pulled the fidget spinner out of his jacket pocket. His mom witnessed this and understoond immediately, then lashed out at the boy. When the family was checking out, the boy was trying to hide his tears.
AITA for handling the situation this way?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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w9c3G9XZu6bEEhFs7qGifbNMhtN0BjOo
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ap5v5n
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{
"description": "leaving a date with a really nice guy because I ran into an old flame (maybe the old flame) or is all fair I love and war",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 26
}
|
AITA for leaving a date with a really nice guy because I ran into an old flame (maybe THE old flame) or is all fair I love and war?
|
Ever have one of those day's where your life has been comfortably regular and then all of the sudden you wake up and everything is pure chaos and it's terrifying and wonderful at the same time? That's where I'm at right now.
I could go on dramatically and bore everyone so I will try and keep this simple. Three years ago I broke up with a guy who literally checked every box I have because he was in the Navy and moving and I felt like I owed to myself to finish grad school. I decided that if I kept in touch with him in any way I would drop everything and willingly become a happy housewife so I changed my number, deleted all social media and got on with the business of getting over him. Call him Charlie.
Fast forward to last week, I work in a large office complex and evert single day this very sweet, cute guy walks past our front door and we wave. We've chatted a few times so I know his name. On Wednesday he very nervously asked me out and he was just so nice and earnest and sweetly awkard that I said yes.
We went out last night and I was having a nice time but was like MAYBE there's possibility here but I liked him as a person. I went to the bathroom and ran smack into Charlie's parents. They always loved me and when they said that Charlie had just moved back into town for his next assignment, my knee's literally got weak. His mom asked for my number and without even thinking I gave it to her. I said goodbye and rejoined my date.
It wasn't even 15 minutes and Charlie texted me "is this really you?" I texted back "yes" and then he asked where I was. I told him I was at a restaurant and he asked if he could come pick me up. Again without even thinking I said yes. I told my date that I was having a family emergency and that was the reason for the texts. He offered to give me a ride home. I told him that it was ok and my brother was coming to pick me up. I said I was so sorry and I paid for our entire meal but he insisted on waiting with me out front. When Charlie pulled up and it was the first time I'd seen him in 3 years I again got weak in the knees. I told my date that he was my brother but I could absolutely tell by the look in his eyes he knew I was lying but he was way too nice of a guy to call me out on my bullshit.
Of course it was instant chemistry with Charlie and after playing an hour of catch up we were back at my house doing what we did best. Only he's such an amazing such an amazing guy he said he wanted to slow down a bit and not take it all the way, instead he tucked me in and left with a kiss on the forehead. He's on his way over now to take me to a champagne brunch. I'm ready to drive to vegas and get married and never say goodbye to him again.
But enough of the school girl gushing and back to the problem. I feel AWFUL for what I did to my date last night. I don't know what to do or say to him and I know I'm going to see him tomorrow. I guess to help me know how to plan for tomorrow, I guess finding out if I am a light asshole, a major asshole or even some small chance NTA would be very helpful.
so AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
Vg9YYjreYDZojXqvcXKyWrMmPWKRKX5m
|
azelb7
|
{
"description": "ghosting my roommate",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ghosting my roommate?
|
This happened a few years ago, and I'm not sure how I should have handled it.
I agreed to live with one of my friends during our last year of college and our relationship soured. He would throw temper tantrums for no reason. He would get really angry at me and say really hurtful things. Normally this would happen after he was embarrassed. For example, one time we were at a bar and this girl rejected him, not a big deal right? He proceeds to rant at me about how I have no redeeming qualities. Another time, he went on this huge rant about how I'm a burden to everyone. Both of these cases happened before we agreed to live together and were unprovoked.
The reason that I still agreed to live with him despite these outbursts is because I really doubted that they happened like I remembered. I assumed his ego had been bruised and he just lashed out. This was compounded by the fact that whenever I brought up what he had said to me a day or two later, he would say he didn't remember. If I pressed the issue, he would say "Can you blame me?" or "It's true!!" So, I kind of just let it go.
The other issue I had with him was that he would spam me constantly on fb messenger. He would send a lot links to articles, youtube videos, screenshots, etc. Occasionally he would also have these outbursts through here. If I brought these up, he would say he was joking.
After we start living together, these temper tantrums start happening at a greater frequency, and I'm starting to get annoyed by them. I really hate talking to him because I always feel like I am walking on egg shells around him. He keeps messaging me on fb and generally just being a dick on chat too. I feel trapped because he won't acknowledge or admit to what he is doing in person, and when I bring up the online stuff he says he's joking and not upset or that "I need to learn to laugh at myself" or "It stings because it's true."
I tell him that really don't check fb that often and if he needs something he should text me. He continues to spam me on fb. Now I feel validated in ignoring his messages, because in my head I set a boundary and told him how he could reach me. I also just try to avoid him and spend as little time as possible in our apartment. I wear headphones more and am generally less friendly. In retrospect, this is really passive aggressive.
After a week of this, he gets fed up with me and tells me off in another temper tantrum. This time I feel bad because despite all the insults he's slinging, he seems really hurt. I decide to just suck it up and be really nice to him and a doormat until we graduate and then not keep in contact with him lol.
AITA? What should I have done differently? I never really got why people gave the silent treatment until now. Anytime I brought up an issue with him he would deny it ever happened, start insulting me, or do an impression of me lol.
TL;DR Started ignoring my roommate because he would be kind of hostile towards me
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
vz61Bg95S0uGUUpKdy6QS7e6ujCCHnup
|
b6nlq8
|
{
"description": "not wanting my so to take a nap",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting my SO to take a nap?
|
I apologise for the clickbait-ish title.
Well this is happening right now, so excuse me for being a bit incoherent. Also, posting from mobile so I'm sorry in advance for any formatting trouble or typos. Finally, English is not my mother tongue, sooooo lower your expectations.
So, my SO (27F) and me (28M) have been together for almost a year. We've been going through some rough patches in the last few months, but overall our communication seems to be great (apart from the cause of this post, lol), so it's all working out.
Both of us are working full time, but we've been spending most nights at her place (she lives alone) and only 1 or 2 each week at my place (I live with my 2 brothers). She isn't the tidiest person (honestly, kind of a slob regarding the chores around the house), but nothing extreme. Today, she came to pick me up after she left from work and we went to pick up some groceries and back to her place. When we got here, a friend of hers called, so she picked up the phone and stayed on it for about 20 or 30 minutes. In the meantime, I saw the mess that was the kitchen sink and took it upon me to alleviate the situation. She got off her call, gave me some more dirty dishes and pans that were out of my sight and went inside. While I was struggling for the better of 40 minutes washing the dishes (after loading a full dishwasher, yeah that kind of mess), she calls for me from the back of the house to inform me she's going to take a nap. I tell her calmly but obviously bitter that I haven't actually seen her and I'd like to chat about our days etc. Before you think I'm a weirdo who doesn't want his SO to take naps, you need to know that her nap is like 3 hours long, then she wakes up for 20 minutes to grab a bite and sleeps again until the morning. I tell her that my hands are wet and I'll be right back and before I can walk the 10 ft to the kitchen and back to the bedroom, she's fallen asleep. So I'm left alone at her place, typing this up on reddit to kill some time.
AITA for wanting to chat instead of seeing my SO for 30 minutes until the next morning?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
GuSOAl4sEHZ6qw3puGHUnGS3MmLGQqBp
|
an6ggb
|
{
"description": "not trusting my friends anymore",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not trusting my friends anymore?
|
So I don't know how long this text will be, but I really wanted to get this clear.
Last week I gave my birthday party (17M) I invited around 25 people of whom I knew 22 people drank. I said there will be beer and wine and it will be enough to enjoy from it the whole night.
I don't have anything against liquor, I know that some people prefer it over beer or wine. But my mother is, she was totally fine with the beer and wine and made it very clear that's she was against any Liquor (think roundabout 20% alcohol). So I didn't want to disappoint my mother and made it up too three times clear I didn't want any liquor at my party. Everybody understood it and said they were fine with it.
The night of the party started and everything went well. There was enough beer and wine and nobody had a complaint. Some one girl dripped in later from work, but still I was very happy to see her around. The night went by, and at almost the end of the party I heard somebody brought liquor and were drinking it. (This to me was a problem, some other people also said they brought liquors, but when I told them I didn't want to see some of it they understood and didn't open the bottle at all). The person who brought the liquor was the person whom was later at the party, I knew it was from here because she was the one screaming that she wanted here bottle back. That's because I grabbed it and left it with my mom with the message to the girl that if she wanted to have her bottle back she would have to ask it back to my mother. She didn't and the bottle staid at my home.
The next day I noticed that she left a piece of clothing from work and apped her if she wanted to get it back. She did but was too afraid too get it back from my home probably because she was scared of my mom. So I said I would bring it with me to school.
This all happened on Friday and Saturday day. On Sunday I asked around to some people if they drank from the liquor. There were three persons who admitted it and some of them said they had remorse. One of those persons said all the other names of the people who drank. And some of those names were persons who said they didn't drink at all.
This is where is started to get disappointed and couldn't believe some of my best friends lied to me. Of course some of them also had remorse but one person didn't. And this was the person who brought the alcohol with here. Is just wanted to know why she did it but she just didn't have a normal reason. After I pushed about it she said I shouldn't be so childish and just forget about it.
But now I not disappointed anymore but am leaning more to the angry side. Tomorrow I will have a chance to have a conversation with here in person and I hope this will get things straight.
So AITA for desiding about not trusting her anymore and getting her bottle of Liquor?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ocAXMUdXR5bTFKMrvpjkSy4mS62rt8tX
|
as3urk
|
{
"description": "picking up money off the floor",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for picking up money off the floor.
|
I went into an auto parts store to look for parts for my car and on my way out I found $20 near the entrance. I didn't think much of it and picked it up thinking it could've been anyone's. As I was walking further away the shop attendant stopped me and asked if I picked up anything. I told him I picked up a $20 note and he proceeded to tell me off and call me a scumbag. AITA for picking up the note and not doing anything about it
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
mJodP8wE4sgHFQzXX5shKvQSXFneWJCo
|
aikpyv
|
{
"description": "thinking about ending my arranged engagement to this girl/wanting too",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for thinking about ending my arranged engagement to this girl/wanting too?
|
My parents have invested... a lot of money into this. Her family has sacrificed too. Here's the deal, I'm 21 years old and I'm set to marry this girl in a little over a month. For some reason, my mind set about this has is effecting me more than I would think.
In my culture, we really aren't allowed to date (middle eastern). All of our marriages are basically arranged (what I mean by this is me and the girl both have to agree, so it is consensual). I'm going through college right now and so is she.
Me and her have some disagreements about some things, some things that I really will not get into. I'm also getting nervous. I feel like a few months ago I was in HS, now I am about to get married and leave my home.
I don't know why. I guess I never appreciated living at home. I still feel like a kid. Everything is already booked and cannot be cancelled. Prior parties which costed a good amount of money. Wedding invitations to HUNDREDS of people are already made.
I agreed to it. They asked me if I was ready and they found a girl and yeah. She's going to be pissed more than I can put into words if I say nevermind. My parents will be angry beyond words, so will her parents.
I will be honest I have a hard time seeing myself happy as the date is approaching.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
9BcXVxxdLj56Jb6Mx2mB5fZtK1YR7I2V
|
as5tn7
|
{
"description": "being upset that spouse does not tell me what time he will be home",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For being upset that spouse does not tell me what time he will be home?
|
My husband works technically a 9-5 shift but in truth he is usually home between 5:30 and 8 in the evening. He never lets me know when I’m the nearly 3 hour window he will arrive home. Before having children I never cared much but now arranging dinner and picking up the kids from the sitter on days that I work is annoying.
Tonight the situation reached a boiling point. He was home at 9, and spent the last 4 hours of the time at work riding in a car so the opportunity to text or call was abundant. I could have texted to ask, but since I always make it a priority to let him know timing when the situation is reversed it seems the same should be expected of him. I know that he had a long day at work and am trying to be understanding of that. So before I speak my mind to him again please let me know AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
K5Gk4zRK606gcWVRgTfN8Peta1VD509l
|
ani0fm
|
{
"description": "being resentful of my dad supporting my brother's mental health crisis",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for being resentful of my dad supporting my brother's mental health crisis
|
So when I was a teenager (from the age of about 16 til I was 19 or 20) I had extremely poor mental health. Way beyond teenage angst, I was suicidally depressed and so anxious that I couldn't order coffee in a coffee shop or even go into a resturant without a full anxiety attack. I still suffer from moderate anxiety and occasional bouts of depression (now 24) but not anything on the scale I used to.
During this entire period, my dad made things significantly worse. He would tell me constantly to 'get over it', that I was doing it for attention, get mad at me for becoming mute and panicky in social situations etc etc.
Obviously I got better, but I have the scars to show for it.
In the last year my younger brother (20) has developed mental health issues. He's not very forthcoming with what's up, but he's had a falling out with his friends and is probably quote depressed.
Critically, however, my dad is being really supportive and is really concerned for his well-being. Obviously I am glad that he has changed his attitude. Probably the recent campaigns about mental health have gone a long way towards changing his attitude, and I'm not denying that that is great.
However there is a large, festering chunk of me that is really resentful and quite hurt that my dad cares and is providing my brother the support that I needed when I was a teenager and really didn't get, and this is materialising in me lashing out and being honestly quite nasty to my brother.
I /know/ that this is not a good way to feel about the situation, I know that I need to reign in my outward display of resentment, but am I an asshole for resenting in the first place?
TL;DR I suffered really bad mental health as a teenager and got zero parental support, now that my brother is going through Some Shit, I am resentful that my dad is supportive.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
5Ueso2mxHVzvPeHBsk6cBFHjUmZHirUg
|
au9yvh
|
{
"description": "not trusting the chef",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For not trusting the chef
|
I went to dinner with some friends and we all wanted burgers. I asked a well done but the waitress warned me that the chef doesn't do that. In my opinion if a chef can't make a simple well done he's not the best chef so I wanted something else. I then asked for something that that chef doesn't cook and picked out of those options. I didn't explain my reason to the waitress and she seemed to have no issue with it. More likely, the chef didn't know either but my friends know my reason and said I was being an ass.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
ps9pNPEvBTfsZImau5FsyUMzTuMILS02
|
aun03b
| null |
AITA: My Boyfriend talks about his ex. A LOT.
|
For the past two years we've been long distance, but before that we lived like 5 minutes from each other, and about a month ago I moved in with him after I got kicked out. He had told me that he *hadn't* been dating someone (we had a semi-open relationship), and then when I moved in I found out he *had* been and lied to me about it. He keeps talking about how their bodies look and the way they flirt with him and he flirts *back*, even though I've told him I don't like it.
On his side, he hates how I talk about my friends fro my previous state, though I've told him I wouldn't ever date them *or* have sex with them, and he's completely blown up about it in front of me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
yGDIzKIge18CdW3hJJ8fm1dY4XKX6JWZ
|
aig5jz
|
{
"description": "bringing up dirt on my sister after she put dog shit in my boyfriend's bed",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for bringing up dirt on my sister after she put dog shit in my boyfriend’s bed?
|
Over the holidays, I (20F) brought my boyfriend (27M) to stay for two weeks with my family. I have two sisters, 16 and 18. Everything was going well, boyfriend was polite with everyone but spent more time with 18yo sister since they have more in common, and 16yo sister can be loud, hypersensitive, and frankly a pill, and has a history of vindictive and histrionic behavior (6 months ago she wrote a note calling me a fat whore, then left it on my desk where she knew I would find it). She is kind of a troubled kid, struggled with some anxiety and depression, but has been growing up a lot lately. She is younger and can’t always talk about the topics we enjoy (politics), and is sensitive about her inability to participate. We do our best but obviously we can’t modify our conversation completely.
One night the four of us are hanging out and 16yo sister says something unintentionally funny—“Margaret Sanger didn’t study eugenics in college...at least not formally”. She says this with a totally straight face. Boyfriend laughs. Sister gets offended, boyfriend says he’s sorry and doesn’t mean anything by it, it was just really funny. Sister gets mad and storms up the stairs. This is around 7pm.
Around 11pm, bf goes upstairs and there is dog shit in his bed. Wet, hot dog shit. Like fresh turds. They are from his barely ambulatory pug, who has been downstairs all day and can barely walk down the sidewalk, much less jump on the bed or climb an entire flight of stairs. The turds are inside the bed which is made. They were clearly put there intentionally, and 16 year old sister was the only person upstairs. I know it’s her.
The next day I confront her about it. I say I know it was her, because she was the only one upstairs and it fits her pattern of vindictive behavior (fat whore incident). I tell her to apologize to my boyfriend and that if this behavior continues it will damage our relationship. Later my dad gets really upset and tells me that I was wrong for bringing up the note incident with her, since I already forgave her for it (true, I did forgive her and have moved on, but I wasn’t bringing it up to berate her, just to highlight a pattern of behavior).
AITA for assuming it was her? For bringing up the note incident? Should I have handled this differently?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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"OTHER": 16,
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
qhzkrONMpFrNUF2XCJIDDQMzTfSIYvW7
|
a9gkqf
|
{
"description": "getting annoyed at my mum",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for getting annoyed at my mum?
|
AITA for getting annoyed at my mum?
She’s couching on everything and I’m getting annoyed that I’m constantly having to wash my hands and clean up after everything.
This was supposed to be a holiday, but it’s turned into a very stressful visit. I’m back to work tomorrow and can’t afford to be sick.
Wondering how to communicate to my mum that I would appreciate she stopped touching everything and did something to relieve her symptoms.
Now my dad is starting to get frustrated too. So much for my relaxing holiday. 😩
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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WRONG
|
OOvRVH3mnErhxRFi227LDglGGfvxn9QK
|
axokg8
| null |
WIBTA for breakingbup with someone based on looks?
|
FULL DUSCLOSURE: this is a hypothetical situation that I thought of earlier. I've never been in a relationship, and probably won't be any time soon...
I'm 14 (nearly 15, please don't judge! :D) and I was wondering if I would be the asshole in this situation.
Say I was dating a girl and she was great, just a few imperfections, everybody has them though, right? None of us are perfect.
So a few months later, it feels like we know each other pretty well, and are comfortable around each other.
I then see this girl without makeup and decide I'm just not attracted to her. Sounds a bit shallow, but if you aren't attracted to someone, you can't help it, right? Love has to work both ways and you can't make that happen. Maybe we could remain friends instead.
So in this situation, would I be the asshole for deciding to break up with this girl because now I've seen her without makeup, I'm not attracted to her?
Just to reiterate, this is completely hypothetical.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
M2W59amwu8VkyM6OlkgQXGRZwBTOrMCc
|
at6492
|
{
"description": "for giving my so an ultimatum about sending money back home to her family",
"pronormative_score": 34,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for for giving my SO an ultimatum about sending money back home to her family?
|
For some background, we live in Canada. I am white and she is Filipino, but is not permanent resident of Canada and working on her citizenship. We are both in our early 30's, live together, and plan to marry.
​
Here is the issue, she is always sending money back home to her mother and sisters (Mother in her 50's, 3 sisters all 25+). Obviously I did not care about this when we started dating 3 years ago. It's her money and she can spend it anyway she wants. At the time she had very few expenses since her employer provided her with housing, food, transport, etc. Now she has a different job (RPN) so she doesn't have any of those expenses covered by her employer and we live together and rent while trying to save for a house.
​
This is where things got messy. She is still sending a large amount of her income to her family back home, sometimes to the point where she is short on her half of the bills. I mentioned we are trying to save for a house and both agreed we'd contribute $x to the house saving account each month. It's been 6 months and not once has she contributed her full share to the house fund. At most she would reach 20% of what we agreed to. This leaves me picking up all the slack in the bills and also left making the only meaningful contributions to savings.
​
I wouldn't be so upset with her sending money home, but the mother works full time in a decent job. My GF also paid for all 3 of her sisters to get post-secondary education and they have since graduated. NONE of them are working in their fields, nor are they working full time. Only 1 of the 3 make enough money to even help out with the bills at home. They just live at home carefree since big sister sends them money each month. This pisses me off beyond belief (I'm not mad at the mom, just the sisters).
​
I finally broke down when I realized we will never get ahead, never be able to do anything fun like vacations, and definitely never be able to afford a house. AITA for telling her either she stops sending so much money home (we would set an amount we both can agree on and send that each month), or I am done with the relationship? She says I "just don't understand her culture" and maybe she's right, but it feels like she has not consideration for my feelings in the situation. So, AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
b6hjfs
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{
"description": "making my teacher shrill out of nowhere",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for making my teacher shrill out of nowhere?
|
Before i begin, some background info about this teacher: She's only taught us for 2 months, & though i feel she does care for the wellbeing of our class, she can come across rather passive-aggressive & anal.
Yesterday, we were having a discussion in class. My friend (R) had raised her hand to ask a question that was well received by this teacher (Mrs T) who then went on to answer her. I had wanted to ask a similar question before this & even after the question was answered, i felt i needed to clarify again as she did not cover part of what i had wanted to ask, so naturally i raised my hand to clarify my doubt:
"In response to what R has asked, i'm still unsure if aspect y needs to be addressed in our answer if the text dosen't explicitly point it out?"
Immediately, she looked at me with this overexaggerated horror, her eyes staring in anger & her mouth widely agape, almost as though she had witnessed me committing a murder. Then followed her 5 second long, earpiercing shrill. With no intent to mock, she looked just like a child screaming her head off in a tantrum.
The entire class was just terrified & shocked. This outburst came from nowhere & in instinctive respose to her shrill, we abruptly moved our seats backward & i, along with a few other friends who have shared, felt like tearing because this dramatic reaction was unexpected given the fact that i merely asked a question. To quote in her words, i "did not pay attention to what R had already clarified"
To back herself up & to validate her feeling the victim, she asked the class, "Class, am i in the wrong for being angry at hellohappyfeet's question? Do you all too, think this question is of low quality because i have already answered it?" To which, two of my classmates responded with slight nods because she was staring at them, hoping for that validation. I feel that this was intended to guilt trip me because she had seen how the class so negatively responded by being terrified following her shrill. In all sincerity, I'm saying this not out of defense but from hearing first hand her tone & sensing strongly that she did it to make me feel as though my question was the cause of her anger. She intentionally avoided eye contact with me the rest of the lesson.
Though its been a day & may seem like an issue that i shouldn't be mulling over anymore, i can't help but feel her sudden shrilling was absolutely unnecessary, uncalled for & unprofessional.
I felt very wronged & couldn't help but tear after the lesson because she explicitly accused me of not paying attention in class when i clearly did & to me, screaming out of nowhere like that inevitably scars the heart.
After reflecting over it, i see that perhaps she may have had a lot of pent up stress teaching, & released that unintentionally in the heat of the moment after how she couldn't understand why i would ask that similar question.
So In all sincerity, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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| null |
AITA for the main reason holding me (28M) back from proposing to my girlfriend (23F) of 4 years is that I’m not attracted to her body?
|
Greetings internet judges.
Your Honors, my case is this: My gf has gained 40-60lbs over the course of our relationship. She eats healthy small portions and exercised daily with the rare cheat day. But she kept gaining weight. She had her thyroid checked and was prescribed Synthroid. We have been dating since college and she was in a sorority all four years. Outside pressures and other variables caused her to deal with this sudden weight gain with an eating disorder, bulimia. Her mother advised her to seek medical attention from a different doctor after a year or two without results. This was a very rough time for her. She always thought this was her fault and never knew for sure what was the true cause of her nightmare.
She has been recently diagnosed with celiacs and is allergic to gluten to finally give her closure with this life changing complication. She has been losing a few pounds here and there but nothing huge.
Now, I’ve heard conflicting reports that sex is a vital part of a marriage and also that you marry someone for their personality more than their body because looks are temporary. Her personality is similar to mine. Some times, this can hurt us because our weaknesses are the same. She is without a doubt my best friend. We have been there for each other through the highs and lows life has thrown at us. If this wasn’t enough to chew on, let’s add a crippling porn addiction (watch porn 3-5 times a week before bed) that distorts my view on body image that isn’t healthy for me. She knows my type (small, petite but curvy) by comparing herself to my ex girlfriends. I’ve constantly reinforced my affection to her and have always told her she’s beautiful. She enjoys sex because it makes her feel wanted or attractive. Sometimes, it’s hard for me to maintain my sex drive with her which is a first for me. We’re doing long distance right now which is very hard for us. I’ve never been married and one of my biggest fears in this life is marrying the wrong person. I may be blowing this out of proportion, but my parents are divorced and it’s not the end of the world I guess. My mom remarried and she’s doing great. As for my father, he’s still single and never tied the knot again.
Do I have commitment issues? Am I the asshole for finding any reason to validate not go the next step with my gf?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
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|
b7nbkn
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{
"description": "not answering my phone at a fan event",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA - Not answering my phone at a fan event
|
This happened back in January 2017 and I still end up thinking about it from time to time.
So in my area, we have a bar that's become quite popular for bands or other artists to come to do shows or screenings of their work. One of the artists to come for an event is a filmmaker I look up to and I consider to be a personal hero of mine, and it was going to be a fan screening of one of his movies - along with a chill hangout event afterward that would end when the bar closed at 2am - something I told my spouse in advance, which he claims either never happened or he doesn't remember.
I was very excited for the event and made it clear to my spouse how much it meant for me to go, as I have tremendous social anxiety and I never get out much. It was also going to be a means for another friend of mine, who is also an aspiring filmmaker like I am, to meet new people as well. The night went along fairly smoothly and it was the happiest I had been in years, but periodically during the night I'd get occasional buzzes from my phone that I'd tried to answer with how bad the Wi-Fi was. However, I wouldn't be alerted to all of them due to my phone being old and buggy. Even with my ringer on the highest setting, I wouldn't hear it or be notified of any text messages or notifications I would be getting - all of that being made worse by the bar being noisy and me being hard of hearing.
The night is coming to a close and last calls are being made, so my friend decides to call his mom to come pick us up since neither of us drove at the time. As I'm helping them all their supplies packed and to their car, my phone starts to go off and I answer it. It's my spouse, who is very upset with me for not answering my phone. I ask him to repeat since it's noisy inside, and he immediately accuses me of being drunk, which I wasn't and I rarely drink. I tell him that were already preparing to leave, and he's still upset with me. I tried explaining the situation about my phone not being responsive, but he doesn't buy it and proceeds to get more upset - which can be audibly heard from my phone outside. He said something to the tune of he'd see me at home, then hung up before I could get much else in.
I'm sorry if this is more of a thread for the relationship advice sub, but I'm not sure if I'm the asshole in this situation or not - let alone for letting it bother me nearly two years later.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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{
"description": "being angry with my girlfriend and her friend over the way they treated my friend",
"pronormative_score": 198,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for being angry with my girlfriend and her friend over the way they treated my friend?
|
My girlfriend and I both have friends that we thought would be a good match for each other. We’ve been talking them up to each other for a little bit now and made plans for the four of us to meet up at a bar last night. It was supposed to just be a casual hangout kind of thing, not a date.
When we do meet up my girlfriend’s friend pretty much ignored any attempts he made to start of conversation with her. She’d either say nothing or give one word answers before going back to talking to my girlfriend. Then she was outright rude to him. Her and my girlfriend were talking about coffee and still just trying to have a conversation with this girl my buddy said actually the darker coffee has less caffeine. My girlfriend’s friend did like an exaggerated nerd type voice and mocked what he said. Then my girlfriend and her busted out laughing right in front of him like it was the most hilarious thing ever. It was awkward as fuck.
At that point I just tried to have my own conversation with my friend. Once we started talking my girlfriend and her friend actually got up and moved. I thought they were just going to the bathroom or something, but they just went to a different part of the bar and stayed there the rest of the night. My buddy took it well as far as I could tell, but I still felt bad for building up this meeting to him to have it turn out to be so shit.
My girlfriend doesn’t get why I’m angry at her and her friend. She said her friend wasn’t feeling it and shouldn’t be forced to fake it. I mean she’s technically right, but it doesn’t make it any less fucking rude. There are friends of her’s that I absolutely cannot stand and I would never treat them like that. Well at least I wouldn’t before. I mean I shouldn’t be forced to fake anything anymore.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
aqffxg
|
{
"description": "applying for a job to compete with a friend who is struggling to find work",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for applying for a job to compete with a friend who is struggling to find work?
|
A friend and I both recently graduated from college and we've been talking about how difficult it is to find a job. A couple of weeks ago, I got an offer for a part-time job in my field, while my friend's been struggling to land interviews. Feeling kind of bad for him, because he's always complaining about paying rent and his student debt, I sat down with him for hours, helped him rework his resume, even helped build him a portfolio to help him stand out a bit more in the job search.
Fast forward to this week, a mutual friend of ours posted on his Facebook that he was hiring full time for a position at his company. I matched all the qualifications, all the criteria, and have the work experience and portfolio for someone he's looking for with better benefits and better pay than this part-time job I'm about to start.
Friend #1 told me he saw the post and is going to apply. Thing is, I know in a head to head comparison, I would have the stronger resume/skill set. And while there's obviously no guarantee I would get the job either, I feel like applying would lower this friend's chances at the job himself.
WIBTA for applying to the job because I feel like I'm more qualified?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
|
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|
9vngng
|
{
"description": "muting my special needs coworker on a business call",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for muting my special needs coworker on a business call?
|
A guy I work with is special needs. In any case, I just started a new job and this guy works in my department. Every single meeting I’m in with him, which is thankfully infrequent, is completely derailed because he personally answers any question asked and devolves into conversation about irellavant details. The protocol seemed to be to just let him talk, and when he hits a natural stop, say “thanks <name>” and then move on.
This strategy generally fails because this man does not breathe. It’s just a single, uninterrupted run-on sentence sometimes spanning one or two minutes where nobody can slip in a “thanks” or “sounds good” so we’re all stuck listening to him. I don’t say anything because I’m relatively new and people just seem to deal with it. Whatever, wasted meeting time isn’t the worst thing in the world, just annoying. I eventually talk with my manager, who is on these calls, about him and his useless tangents, who seemed appalled that I even brought this topic up. Said that he can be a little long winded but we need to be respectful. Keep in mind the majority of these uninvited monologues start on topic, quickly get off track, and will continue relentlessly any time there’s a lull for him to speak. My manager disagrees that this is disruptive behavior.
Fast forward a couple months, I’m in charge of organizing team meetings and heading a task for a project. Lo and behold the project leader brings on Dr. Rambleton to our project and he’s in the meetings I’ll be heading. Cool. First meeting with the team, things are already being derailed, times being wasted. As the person leading the meeting I have a list of things that need to get sorted out, so I politely ask my coworker, who answers other people’s unaddressed questions with things like “I don’t know but you could probably ask <name of other person on the call> I’ve talked to him before.. maybe a couple months ago... for this project the um... (etc.)”, to limit talking in the call for things that are important or relevant. This does not help. I have to once again pause the meeting to ask this guy to only speak when addressed, hoping we can squeeze out what we need to talk about in the little remaining time we have. This does not help so I mute his mic and continue the meeting. We finally get through the itinerary.
Fast forward later in the day I see some project members and they’re giving me the “not cool, dude” treatment. Basically treating me like I was being an asshole to the guy. Reminding me that he’s special needs. What the hell am I supposed to do? Let him derail our meetings?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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|
{
"description": "being upset with my wife about a death in our family",
"pronormative_score": 48,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset with my wife about a death in our family?
|
To make a long story short, my uncle who also happens to be my godfather ended a 4 year long battle with melanoma this on Friday morning.
I’m in the military and took emergency leave the prior weekend once I learned he was in hospice care, because not only is he my uncle, he’s my godfather, my dads identical twin, and has always been a second father to me. Him passing might as well be the equivalent of my dad passing away.
My wife was fine originally, and she was glad I was going but sad she couldn’t tag along because of her work. I told her it’s not a big deal, she’ll be there in spirit and love. I fly home, everything is fine.
About midway through the week she begins to lose her shit because I’m not talking to her enough or FaceTiming long enough for her when I’m at home. I could have definitely talked to her more, but the majority of my time was spent consoling my father who was watching his identical twin pass away.
Friday morning, he passed away. My dad is an absolute fucking wreck and it kills me to see him like this. I’ve never seen him cry before and he’s bawling his eyes out and completely devastated. My wife tells me now that my uncle is dead, I should come home early to be with her again. This really pisses me off and I get irritated and visibly upset with her on FaceTime and she tells me she has to go.
She stops texting me, won’t answer my phone calls, and only responds “love you” when I tell her “I love you”. Haven’t heard much from her all weekend.
I fly back today, and she tells me she’s not getting me from the airport and I have to take a Lyft. She tells me this, mind you, when I’m already on the plane and she promised me she would pick me up.
I’m on my way home right now but when I get home, I’m considering going to a friends house for a few days. This was a major death in our family and she was only concerned with herself the entire trip. I get that it’s because she misses me and wants me to be home, but this was absolutely ridiculous. She never did anything mean or cussed me out or anything, just stopped responding and became very distant. I’m super pissed and don’t want to talk to her at all tonight.
Am I the asshole here? I don’t mean to paint her in a bad light at all, because I definitely could have communicated better this trip, but I don’t know how to handle this. Perhaps this would be better x-posted into relationship advice?
Thank you all in advance.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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|
{
"description": "not letting my friend go with my ex to prom",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not letting my friend go with my ex to prom?
|
Alright, so this requires a little backstory. I’m changing names for privacy reasons + using a throwaway.
I’ve been friends with Bella since I was 7 years old. We met in second grade and played soccer together. We were close, but not insanely close. In middle school, she moved to a different state, so I lost contact with her. She came back our freshman year of high school.
Ever since then, we’ve been inseparable. We play the same sport (same team), are in the same friend groups. We’ve helped each other through a lot. Mostly, I help her through boy problems and such.
Two days ago, I was dumped.
I’ve was in relationship with a junior (we’re both seniors), we’ll call him Jacob. Originally, I was planning to take him to prom, until things got a bit rocky. Every day, he would change his mind about if he wanted to date me or remain friends. It was a shitty, flip-flopping situation on his part. I really felt hurt - like he was using me.
During this time, I noticed she was texting him - but she started to hide her phone away from me at lunch. So I was getting REALLY suspicious.
Two days ago, I couldn’t do it anymore and cut off all communication with him after he “dumped” me for the third or fourth time. I went off at him and refused to speak to him.
Bella calls and tells me that the reason she was talking to Jacob was because he contacted her to make sure I would be okay after the breakup. I was fine, but overall pissed at the situation with Jacob. They continue to talk as friends.
Everything was better until today I get a text from Bella. She asks me if it’s okay to take Jacob, the boy who dumped me two days ago, to prom. Now, Bella and I were planning to be in the same prom group with all of our other friends. We had a whole prom weekend planned and such.
I said no because I’m not comfortable with that and she should find someone else. She retorts that she doesn’t have anyone else, and that she won’t go to prom AT ALL if she can’t get a date. I said you can get someone else. She said no, I don’t have any options.
I don’t have a date to prom, neither does a mutual friend of ours. I was intending on going solo if she didn’t have anyone else, but she refuses to.
Am I the asshole for saying no?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
WgBQwlOMMUOsUt3kxAJVEDla0SVX2pMo
|
as3jei
|
{
"description": "not compromising on a grow box for seedlings",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA Not compromising on a grow box for seedlings.
|
So here’s the deal. I like hot stuff. I wanted to make my own salsa, hot sauce, pepper flakes, and powders. I research any and everything extensively before I do something. Well I bought some seeds that my wife was well aware of. I got some jalapeños, Carolina reapers ext. I germinated them no problems. My wife didn’t say anything at this point. It’s too cold currently to start seedlings outside and I wanted to get a head start so I could increase my yield on peppers. Well I asked her if it was okay if I bought the necessary bulbs and a clamp light for the grow box and she said sure. I said okay great. Well my set-up came today and I put it all together and just in time because my seedlings have now sprouted. I put them under the light in the box and left for the gym. I could tell something was up because she was quiet at the time. So omw to the gym she blows my phone up about how this is unsafe and read the warning on the cfl bulb that it can cause cancer etc. I put my foot down and said the set-up is staying because I’ve already put work into it. She’s threatening saying it’s an eye sore and is going to go stay at her parents if it stays because it’s dangerous and doesn’t want it in the house. She currently cut it off while I’m not there which literally defeats the purpose and I’m trying to keep my cool. Currently cutting my workout short to go deal with this which pisses me off as well. I don’t have anything that I can call mine in our entire house except my PlayStation, computer, my office chair, and what’s in my closet. AITA??? I’d be happy to answer any questions on this.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
apuom9
|
{
"description": "making my housemates buy me new headphones",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 11
}
|
AITA for making my housemates buy me new headphones?
|
TLDR; my headphones went missing - I am pretty sure one of my housemates took them and is not telling me, so I messaged them all and told them that the four of them will be splitting the cost of new headphones for me. They ain't happy.
&#x200B;
So I (20F) live with four other female housemates - Sally, Rachel, Kate, and Bridget. (21F, 20F, 20F, 20F). It sucks tbh, but that's another post lmao. Okay so I came home from work one night and unplugged my headphones and threw them on a chair in our living room (they're the ones with the cord that go to the charging connector, the lightning I think its called).
&#x200B;
It was about midnight and I had to work again at 7 the next morning, so I just left them on the chair and went to bed. The next morning I get up and I can't find them anywhere. Like I looked EVERYWHERE - under the bed, in all my pockets, in between the couch cushions and nothing.
&#x200B;
I message my housemates and Kate says she accidentally took them to school thinking they were hers. Nbd. Kate gave them to Rachel to give to me. Rachel said she put them on the kitchen table, but I was already gone to campus for the day, so I planned to get them when I came home.
&#x200B;
I get home and there are no headphones on the kitchen table. I message everyone again, and nobody knows where they are or has seen them. I don't want to accuse, but I'm pretty sure one of my housemates took them and isn't fessing up. I mean who else could it be?!??! We haven't had any people over in a few weeks, so it couldn't have been some random person. We are uni students and we live in the student district, but break-ins don't happen in our area (knock on wood) and nothing else is missing.
&#x200B;
\[a little background\]
One time, Sally took Rachel's adidas slides and wore them around the house for three weeks, then kept them in her room while Rachel was trying to find them. Bridget is kind of stupid so it wouldn't surprise me if she took them and literally didn't realize they weren't hers. Rachel and Kate have a nasty habit of leaving things out in the open for days - this includes their macbook pros, ipads, phones, etc. So maybe they took them by accident again?? Also a few weeks ago I opened the fridge and somebody had helped themselves to my whole bottle of blueberry smirnoff. Like it was empty. So I am PISSED that this keeps happening.
&#x200B;
I'm just trying to say that, it could have been intentional, it could have been an accident, but either way I want my shit back. Nobody will tell me anything, so I messaged again and told them that the four of them will be splitting the cost of new headphones for me. Now they're pissed because they don't want to pay. AITA?
&#x200B;
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
|
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|
WRONG
|
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|
aq4ggw
|
{
"description": "wanting to have sex with my gf",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 21
}
|
AITA for wanting to have sex with my GF?
|
Throwaway because I don’t wanna be harassed on main.
Context: my girlfriend of almost 3 years is on the pill and it does something to her that makes sex hurt, I’ve tried to get her off of it but she enjoys not having a period, but because of this we haven’t had sex in months.
I value sex in a relationship, I think its a big part of it. When my GF found out that sex hurt, I was find with going without until she could get it fixed. She got some tests done and her doctor never got back to her so we don’t know what’s going on with her. We only have one OB/GYN in my town, and it just closed down (both the doctors retired), so she can go anywhere else in town.
Cut to 4 months later and I’m getting serious blue balls and she’s still on the pill. I had a couple drinks that night and was browsing the internet. I can’t remember exactly what happened, but I called my girlfriend a prude and she got mad and said that it was an insult. I looked up the definition of prude and I called her one again (probably because I was drunk and not thinking rationally) and it upset her so much that she started crying and locked herself in the bathroom for an hour.
We got into a huge fight and she said that sex isn’t a big part of a relationship, but I don’t feel that way. That was a couple days ago and it’s weighing on me heavy. AITA?
TL;DR: I called my girlfriend a prude because she doesn’t want to have sex with me
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 18,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 21
}
|
WRONG
|
RIfExbTMuURMOL4hJiq9Wpore21RhCZv
|
aclohp
|
{
"description": "acting weird and down around my gf and friends due to insecurities",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for acting weird and down around my gf and friends due to insecurities?
|
So, this is happening as I write, I might add stuff as this all plays out.
Basically, me, my gf, and two other friends did a huge walk and now we're at the beach. In the begining I said that I'd look out for their stuff in the sand due to the fact I didn't want to enter the water, since I'm very very very insecure about my body, and didn't want to remove my shirt to go to the beach (my gf knows all about this, and so does one of my friends). When we arrived, I got pumped to enter the water and said I'd want to go with them, but they told me to stay since I had already said that I would stay. They went, stayed in the water for around 10 minutes, and came back. I started acting weird, since I was kinda bummed due to the fact that the only time I actually feel comfortable removing my shirt I get told to stay. They went again and have been there for around 5 minutes. I know it makes sense that I stay, since I said I would, but am I the asshole for acting weird/kinda down?
I was hoping at least my gf would allow me to go, since she also suffered from body related insecurities a while ago, but she was the one that told me to stay the most out of them all.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
cIjzHcN6Zp2E1PXffyrXk24SrBBwbwFk
|
a7fw38
|
{
"description": "not wanting to buy my family Christmas presents",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For not wanting to buy my family Christmas presents?
|
AITA for not buying my family Christmas presents? I have 2 nephews and 2 nieces and my family is basically forcing me to buy presents for them. I'm a single guy in my mid 30s. I always help my family with anything and everything they ever ask for. I just don't like the idea of Christmas gift giving. In today's culture they make me out to be a terrible person for not giving everyone gifts. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
i2OKSqm7XpFRpgcQT0gcOWcLpm6Ahc2c
|
b0uroh
|
{
"description": "wanting to take a massage course to feel my coworker´s body",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 40
}
|
AITA for wanting to take a massage course to feel my coworker´s body?
|
Mmmmkay. Throwaway here for obvious reasons.
I am a bisexual woman on my thirties. I´ve had more experience in sleeping with men than women, maybe in a 70% vs 30% ratio.
I tend to accumulate a lot of stress due daily life, work, lids, etc, so one thing I really enjoy is having a massage all over my back , neck and arms (just upper body) from time to time. Not that often, although.
I have a coworker I feel VERY attracted to, she is a woman as well. Married, kids, etc etc- She is not bisexual.
Our working relationship have developed to a sort of incipient friendship now, that months have passed.
Is sometimes difficult for me because I really feel desire for her and I´d love to caress her and kiss her (even if full sex is out the picture, od course), but, I don´t think she would be okay with the idea at all.
She knows I haver this sort of crush on her, but seems to tolerate it and doesn´t mention it.
So far, so good.
The topic of massages and back aches came into conversation, and I mentioned I might be thinking into taking a course
(where I live they range from 3/4 months, to 6 months), and might be a nice little addition as an $$ outcome.
I have perdormed informally massages in the upper body to a couple coworkers, who said they were pretty good.
(I wasn´t interested in those women)-
The thing is, when I mentioned, the woman I mentioned earlier in the post said "cool, you can practice with me!!!", and now that she mentionates it...I´d love to take the massage course just to have the opportunity to feel/caress her body
(even if it is in not a sexual way).
I´d really enjoy that, but I feel somewhat guilty for having those thoughts, maybe even a little perv. AITA?
&#x200B;
tl;dr : I want to take a massage course to feel and caress my coworker´s body . AITA ?
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 40,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 40
}
|
WRONG
|
kqkJKwqdeTJrsDfxbZVWtkmOOiufSSx5
|
ato8ep
|
{
"description": "not driving my roommate an hour away",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not driving my roommate an hour away
|
I'll keep this short and sweet, this just happened like 5 minutes ago when she got off work but essentially she's wanting me to drive her an hour away because she wants to hook up with some guy who can't drive to come get here where we live. She's my girlfriend's friend who has been staying with us a few months and when I told her I wouldn't drive her she stormed out of the house slamming the door behind her. My girlfriend seems upset with me for not doing it and the entire house is salty at me but I'm just not in the mood to drive 2 hours when they could just as easily come get her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
2lbaQqF4f9f9nOXolzbwqSTw7Jrj20bg
|
atmsf4
|
{
"description": "not wanting to fill in for my friend for a Prom assembly",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to fill in for my friend for a Prom Assembly?
|
So my friend broke his arm doing something stupid the week before promenade. We are both on student council and he made Promenade royalty. Because he can no longer do the promenade royalty assembly, my peers and our advisor told me that I was to fill in for him. They did this without discussing it with me, and just told me I was to do it. Also, because I was not nominated, my name will not be on the ballot and I cannot win Prom King.
AITA for getting angry that I have to do this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
rTfViuCeHHuOtMKrx48rmcW73I95JMVd
|
ah4gwy
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend to put her cat down",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend to put her cat down
|
Alright so titles pretty loaded so please read the post and then call me an asshole after. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 2 years now and things were going awesome until recently. She has this cat, and it's just old and in terrible condition. They picked it up as a stray so exact age is unknown but vet guesses in the upper teens. It's been old and decrepit since I've been with her but 5 months ago it took a turn for the worse. Thing is, my family we probably would have put it down months ago, but shes been prolonging its life and its fucking miserable. The thing literally just lies in its bed and pisses and shits itself. It cant move more then 5 feet and is blind and I suspect deaf at this point. Honestly I'm angrier at the vet for supporting this charade but I can only imagine the money has something to do with it.
Obviously medication and surgeries are not cheap, and I've been partially footing the bill. In our recent argument I lost it. I've been patient with her for months, I've covered bills happily, only really mentioning that hey, cost is skyrocketing for an already elderly cat. I couldn't take it anymore though and just told her in plain English to "put the fucking thing out of its misery" and asked if shes seriously cant see how much pain it's in. I know its harsh but I didn't know how else to respond anymore, I've tried everything except pull a Dwight and kill the thing myself (not considering that) I might be coming across a little too money oriented but I dont like watching an animal die a slow, painful death because somebody cant face reality. So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 13,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
RIGHT
|
roEbzvtfjVNE6YOCfzfaMvkFWVJrC0Uy
|
a5vc2q
| null |
AITA? Husband says I gave his "dream present" to my sister instead
|
My husband took me to an auction where people were bidding on various items. We wandered around before the bidding, looking at what would be sold. Through my husband's job he had $300 worth of credit that had to be spent before the end of the year, otherwise he would lose it. It had to be spent at this auction since there are no more til January.
So we had $300 to blow. The auction stuff was mostly artsy crap. But Hubs spotted a 3D printer, unopened, and said "I've seen this on Amazon for around $300 so it will probably go for less than that. It looks kinda cool, I'm going to bid on it."
While we were waiting for the printer to go up for bid, Hubs was on his phone. He Googled a bunch of different projects you could make with it and kept poking me to show me. He said he couldn't wait to get it home.
Well the printer came up for bid and some asshole immediately bid $400 on it, not knowing it's cheaper on Amazon I guess. I was surprised that Hubs still bid on it - he kept going til $500, but we are on a budget and can't spend $200 on a toy, so he let it go. He bought a painting instead. He said he was OK with not getting the printer but he was apparently lying.
So a week after this, my mom gave me a $200 Amazon gift card for Xmas. I was looking for a gift for my sister. First thing that popped up on Amazon was a 3D printer for $170.
I had already bought Hubs his present (a TV for his man cave in the garage, bought Black Friday so no returns). But I still needed a gift for my sister and this would serve as a gift for her entire family too so I shipped it to her. I figured we could go visit her and use it sometimes - she lives about 70 minutes away. I told her not to open til Xmas but she can never wait so she opened it.
My sister was thrilled. She posted all this stuff on Facebook that she made with it. She also thanked me for it on the posts. Hubs was LIVID and still is pouting. I want to point out that until the auction on December 1st, he had never said anything about wanting a 3d printer. Admittedly he and my sister do not get along but I thought they could bond over this gift? I thought it was a good idea. Am I the asshole? Or is he being a drama queen like I think?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 30,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 22,
"WRONG": 32
}
|
WRONG
|
gmWTRSZT9e5qxormg2ETJNWtaoYCqrMF
|
b68ijk
| null |
AITA for be mad at my friend for being racist?
|
So we live in a very racist small town. I have VERY dark humor so I make offensive jokes but never serious.
My friend and I make these jokes a lot together. And recently he has been making them more frequently and I asked if he was serious about these jokes. He said yes. I got mad at him and so now we are not talking. It seems I'm the only open minded person in my town. So Reddir, Am I The Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 9,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
vDNzSQ5t8e7MJV0eDsRHPleLcQC4SeCK
|
a2vgrr
|
{
"description": "asking my professor why she's always late to class",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for asking my professor why she's always late to class?
|
Throughout the semester in one of my classes, my professor will often arrive to class a few minutes late. She may even arrive 5, or maybe even 8 minutes late to class (granted, that was one time). Despite this, she felt compelled to mark several students absent, including me presumably, for her seeing us on our phones in class (I only checked a quick text message, but didn't time it right). The following week, it bothered me to the point of asking her after class why she did that despite being late to class sometimes. I tried to be as polite as possible about it, but I don't think she was very happy that I asked.
&#x200B;
Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
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