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{
"description": "insisting I get my area back",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for insisting I get my area back?
|
I work in an somewhat of an open shop where we maintain medical equipment. There are several computer stations around in this room which we use to process paperwork or work on smaller items where we have tools and some random desk items (sticky notes, pens, stapler etc) handy. Each person in my shop pretty much has claimed a workstation as their own and keep different things in those desks. Paperwork, snacks, really whatever they want to have a spot for. The thing is though, those desks aren't EXPLICITLY assigned to us so each person having a personal station is really more of an informal understanding between us, and we don't really use other people's stations unless we have to.
Recently however we've had a new addition to our team at the shop, I was out of the office for about a week for other work related stuff, and when I got back I found that this person had set up their paperwork and whatnot at the station I have been using for several months. Now in this station I had (still have) some things that were mine; office supplies, hand sanitizer and documents mostly, nothing really that can't be moved or replaced, but as it turns out they were using those things, (assuming that they were provided by the shop), and the remainder of my work items had been shoved somewhat unceremoniously to the side. I asked them if they might move to another station as I had already set this one up for myself, and I had all my things in the drawers still, and they seemed angry about it. They asked me if really mattered where I was at and that they already had their stuff there and were working for the day. I spent the rest of the day returning to this desk to grab documents and forms I needed and every time I went into the drawers they got progressively more annoyed. I'm pretty certain they have no intention of moving from that station or setting one up for themselves. And while I can take all my items somewhere else I would have to set up a computer and desk again the way I had it which seems unnecessary. It seemed a little annoying to me that they took over what was understood as my space, and i'm kind of insisting they move somewhere else, but they clearly have no intention to.
AITA for asking them to move from this station?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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alk3xl
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{
"description": "forgetting about where my Ex lived in her childhood",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For Forgetting About Where My Ex Lived In Her Childhood?
|
(Sorry about formatting on mobile)
Title says it all my ex told me that she lived in Colorado when she was a wee lass. We were together for two months and I know that she never said that during the relationship. She may have said it when we first met two years ago.
It started out from her saying she lived in Colorado and I was surprised. Because I never knew that she called me an asshole and proceeded to quiz me on her self. I got all the questions right but she decided that I was a asshole and she hates me. So I quized her on myself and she didn't remember my birthday. Didn't bother me I haven't said my birthday apart from that one time.
We still talk and she STILL brings it up after it's been around three weeks to where it becomes an argument about me being a bad listener where as I say I have bad memory because I don't remember her telling me that.
I don't think I'm an asshole for it so I decided to ask mystery internet people.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "not telling my ex I'm seeing someone new",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for not telling my ex I'm seeing someone new?
|
My last relationship was awful. My boyfriend jumped into things before he was over his ex, and spent months doing some pretty sketchy things with her. Eventually I gave him an ultimatum: cut his ex off and commit to a relationship with me, or I was leaving. He agreed to cut her off, and we discussed specific terms like deleting her phone number, removing her on social media, etc. That was nearly two years ago. A few months ago, I found out he had just changed the name in his contacts list and actually still had her number (...and her nudes). I broke up with him.
​
We're not dating anymore. We're also not speaking about his ex or his lies anymore and have agreed to be friends since we work together and participate in a lot of the same activities. We are regular partners on class projects, play tennis together, he lets me use his laundry machine since my building doesn't have one. In some sense we almost act like we're still dating, on any given hour I could probably tell you where he is and vice versa. We text every day, hug frequently, and I have had sex with him a few times since the break up. The last time was over a month ago.
​
Two weeks ago I slept with someone else I met online. When he asked about my day the next afternoon, I only vaguely mentioned 'seeing a friend'. My new guy is strictly a FWB; if I'm honest, my ex was extremely selfish in bed and I've felt unfulfilled for a long time. This new relationship has made me feel a lot better and brought some fresh energy into my love life.
​
However, now that I'm sleeping with someone else, I'm starting to feel like I'm using my ex. I don't think he'd let me come over and do my laundry at his place if he knew about my FWB. He probably wouldn't hug me the way he does or help me with class projects either. In some sense, I feel guilty of the same thing he did when we were dating: seeing someone else on the side. It's obviously quite different since we are both very clear on the fact that we are not dating anymore but it still feels a little wrong. On the other hand, I don't think he is entitled to know about my sex life since we are not together and I will not sleep with him again. So, Reddit, am I the asshole? Should I tell him, and if so, does anyone have advice on how to do it?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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|
b7ev4z
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{
"description": "deciding not to attend a friend's bbq last minute",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for deciding not to attend a friend's bbq last minute?
|
So for a about a week my friend has been planning a bbq, I was looking forward to it. A day before the bbq it was mentioned in our group text chain that we should plan some activity for the bbq. It was decided that multiple people were going to bring backgammon boards and that we'd be playing backgammon for the 3-4 hours until it was time to eat.
​
I hate backgammon. I find it a boring game and even worse it's not a group activity. When you play backgammon you sit there, concentrate on the board and converse back and forth with your partner about backgammon. On top of that when I'm not playing I find the constant dice rolling to be extremely annoying.
​
I didn't reply in the group chat as i had missed the initial conversation but when i saw the outcome i sent a text to my friend saying i wasn't coming. When he asked why I simply stated that I didn't want to spend my Saturday listening to 4 hours of dice rolling and backgammon talk. He asked me again to come and i simply declined. Today he called and asked again where I was and i simply restated what i had text him. But I'm feeling tremendous guilt as i know it's a group gathering he's been planning for a while. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
9tfp7p
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{
"description": "telling interested parties the baby name",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling interested parties the baby name?
|
So I work in a school and a teacher went on paternity leave (we will call him Bill).
.
**Background on Bill (feel free to skip)**
Strike 1
Bill has previously acted in ways that have unnerved me. When I started at the school he made inappropriate comments about the students (like that the girls' chairs 'would be wet' when a certain member of staff wears a suit to an event); these made me feel very uncomfortable as I don't feel that they are the sort of comments that should be made in a professional environment.
Strike 2
He then attempted to add me on Facebook (I denied) and sent me selfies of himself (just normal selfies) asking how I was going. As we are both in relationships I found this strange and unwarranted.
Strike 3
Bill is not someone I am close to (in fact I try to avoid him). When he was leaving for annual leave, I said goodbye to everyone as I was leaving the office and he made a big deal about the fact that I didn't say goodbye to him personally (???) and demanded a hug. I asked if he was going to solicit hugs from everyone in the office but he engaged in a non-consensual body squeeze between the two of us and didn't answer. It actually made me feel sick and intimidated. I am the only person he treats like this and I feel that he is doing it on purpose because it makes me feel uncomfortable.
.
**Important part of segment - am I the arsehole? (asshole?)**
So Bill PM'd me on FB (apparently not accepting his FR was not a big enough hint that I don't want contact outside of work) pictures of the baby and announcement info (weight, length, name etc). It was announced at briefing and I heard other teachers telling students that asked. So when my students asked, I told them the babies name and showed the image that had been bulk messaged to staff.
.
Bill comes back from leave and pulls me aside saying it was his announcement to make and how dare I take that away from him etc. He was disappointed that when he went to tell students they had already heard it from me. I said I was sorry and that I didn't realise that announcing the name was of importance - I thought I was being nice to students who had shown an interest. He was a bit confrontational and I felt intimidated by the whole "chat" to be honest.
Am I the arsehole here? I've apologised but he said that it "wasn't good enough".
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
a7trlo
|
{
"description": "being angry my husband left my dog with people who previously lost her",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being angry my husband left my dog with people who previously lost her
|
Two years ago, right after my husband and I had adopted our dog, we left her to stay with his parents for a night. I wrote up detailed instructions and also told them verbally that it was very important she was not left out in the yard because there was a gap in the fence she had wiggled through the previous day when I went around to the front yard. Since we had just gotten her, I was terrified she'd get out and not know how to get back. Well, shockingly, they did not listen (they're nice people, but this is not unusual) and left her in the yard and she got out. My husband and I had to spend the entire day searching in 15 degree weather and very, very luckily we got her back. His parents were not apologetic in the slightest and I was very upset at the time. Since then, we've rebuilt a great relationship with them but I've made it clear to my husband I'm not cool with leaving her with them again.
​
Fast forward to this week, I'm visiting my Mom on the other side of the country, and my husband casually mentions he's left the dog with his parents for the day. I was LIVID. I told him that he had gone behind my back and done something I had said over and over again I wasn't cool with. He claims that because he told them not to let her out and because he never agreed to not leave her with them (though he has never strenuously disagreed either) and because it 'worked out', that I have no right to be mad. He also has said he didn't 'know' that he was going behind my back so he didn't need to tell me. I feel like he should have at least told me that's what he was doing and what his plan was (for instance, I would have been more comfortable if he told me what he'd said to them or what he said to his brother, who lives at home and who I trust). I told him that it was a violation of my trust and that what he had done had crossed a line. I also told him that in order to figure out what he needed to tell me, he should have used his damn brain. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
ajoehm
|
{
"description": "being annoyed my inlaws have overstayed their welcome",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being annoyed my inlaws have overstayed their welcome?
|
My partner's parents have been visting from overseas. They stayed with us for three weeks, left for a trip over Christmas and are staying with us another week before flying back home.
We live in a one-bedroom apartment and they are sleeping on a mattress on our living room floor. They clean up after themselves, help cook, pay for groceries etc. They also try and do activities outside the apartment most days.
Thing is, I am nearing the end of my university studies. My PhD thesis is due in a month and I am working from home to write it up. I am getting sick of them hanging around and have not engaged with them much on this second visit, I try find excuses to be out when they are around and don't make an effort to make conversation. Obviously my partner recognises my discomfort but can't kick them out at this stage and just wants me to make peace with my situation.
Does my not-give-a-fuckery about their visit and desire to have them out of my house make me an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
aWTrbfFeEqI4J2R0PuPGGwOZD6xbTBP6
|
a4ro81
|
{
"description": "asking my boyfriend for a dick pic",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my boyfriend for a dick pic?
|
My bf and I are long distance. This might be TMI, but when we're not together, sometimes we have phone sex. He regularly asks me to send nudes and videos, and I'll give them to him even if I'm not in the mood myself. The last time he sent me a dick pic was 6 months ago. Today he asked me if I wanted to have phone sex and I said I wasn't in the mood, and then I suggested he send me a dick pic to get me in the mood. He got upset, said he's "not a dog", and then hung up on me. I was just trying to flirt. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
KYwEjmk2YzJ4mBldAIkm0Q1vLpG2RITG
|
azadk2
|
{
"description": "yelling at my brother",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for yelling at my brother.
|
So it's been a few weeks since the incident, but I am a navy wife with a deployed husband and 8 month old twin daughters. I sometimes only eat one meal a day because that all I have time for. My brother is 23 living at home keeps claiming he's going to join the air force. He is mildly autistic as well.
I went to go vist my parents and they happened to buy some pizza that night. I was goofing playing games with my siblings. while my younger sister watched and played with my girls. My mom REALLY wanted to talk so I take off to the store with her leaving my barely touched pizza on the table. I know that wasn't the smartest choice, but whatever the only people that clean are my mom, my little sister, and younger brother so I thought it was fine. I did it before when I was living at home.
Me and my mom talk she gets some things off her chest and we return. I go up stairs wanting that delicious pizza and it's gone the one time my older brother decides he wants to clean it just happens to be the one day I forget to eat anything else. Now I'm fuming, because 1 I'm hangry, 2 about a month ago he punched my 16 year old youngest brother in the gut (my 23 year old brother was treated to ice cream over it), 3 he's done some other messed up crap.
So I go charging down to his room in the basement, he answers the door, and I proceeded to yell at him saying that the pizza was the only thing I had to eat all day and than it breaks into a rant about how he needs to be more considerate of other people because when he joins the military even though they claim bot to care they do and if he treats his future fellow airmen the same way he will be eaten alive.
He held up his hand and I thought it was going to be an apology and I would've apologized back, but NO his exact words were "thank you OP for giving me another reason why I don't want to live." To which I replied with "what kinda messed up logic is that?! I'm just asking you to consider other people's feelings." He than goes in a rant about how he knows that no one loves him and how he'll be happy to leave. I left before he finished, because I knew I was going to say something that I might regret.
I took my other brother to a gas station with me that had a little restaurant inside, we filled up and got food. Flash forward a to a couple days ago my mom gets on my case to apologize and I said no, because I would not mean it in the slightest and I personally hate hollow apologies. She said it would mean a lot to her as he now refuses to leave his room except to go to classes. He's on spring break. So I bought him two tickets to the new captain marvel movie as a peace offering. For him and whoever he wishes. He turned me down so fast.
So the question is am I the asshole for not wanting to apologize and for demanding he treat others like humans?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
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au5nvr
| null |
AITA: Group of girls yelled at me on the street and I screamed back
|
They were drunk and yelled some choice words at a friend and me because of the sweater he was wearing from his uni. They basically insulted his school and called him a bitch etc as they walked by, typical college rivalry.
I had a couple of drinks as well, so I screamed back at the top of my lungs "FUCK YOU CUNTS" as they walked away. Looking back now a couple hours later, I feel like I overreacted. It was sort of funny at the time but also I was a weirdo screaming at people in the street, I should have just ignored them I guess. Thoughts?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
|
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WRONG
|
AI12m9Ozy1j8IVIXz5acydEzyIEEYMcx
|
aocayp
|
{
"description": "asking my girlfriend not to overshare intimate details",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my Girlfriend not to overshare intimate details?
|
There is a lot of detail about this that I can go into if it’s necessary. But the short version is that I have asked my girlfriend that she not share certain topics about me to her friends. I don’t want to be the controlling boyfriend, and I want to encourage her use her friends as support since her parents have never been there for her emotionally.
That being said I often find that she shares extremely intimate and personal details about me that I prefer to keep private. Very graphic details about our sex life, details about my insecurities, etc. This makes it hard to want to be vulnerable with someone I am supposed to be close with.
Am I the Asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
avvrw7
|
{
"description": "ceasing contact with a friend after she got back with her husband",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for ceasing contact with a friend after she got back with her husband?
|
Sorry for any formatting issues I'm on mobile.
I have a friend that I've been close with for close to a decade. We met in high-school and have been close ever since. Two years ago she met a guy that we had gone to school with that was a few years older. He had a failed marriage and twin daughters that were a few months old. Noone in our friend group was a fan of him but supported her anyway. Within 6 months they were engaged and they were married almost a year later. They moved about 6 hours away immediately after the wedding so he could get a job as a cop. She had worked two jobs to support him thru the academy.
She reached out to me about 4 months ago and said she would be in town and wanted to get together. We got lunch and told me she had caught her husband having an affair with a younger woman and she was moving home. I spent all my free time making sure she was doing okay. I helped her thru her depression, helped her find a job, let her live with me while she looked for a place so she didn't have to stay with her parents. I even helped her move into her new place. I went with her to the divorce attorney when she decided she was done.
About a month ago she had gotten kind of distant. I saw her ex was in town and texted her to give her a heads up, but never got a response. I ran into her sister and she said that they had gotten back together. I kept reaching out with no response. I finally asked her and she initially said no, then a day later said they had gotten back together but she didn't want to tell me. I immediately ceased contact and haven't spoken to here in 3 ish weeks.
Our mutual friends are calling me an asshole for not supporting them, but in reality I'm hurt I wasted all that time making sure she was okay and she lied to me about it. So AITA?
TLDR: friends husband cheated. I did everything to support her and make sure she's okay and she lied to me about them getting back together so I stopped talking to her.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b0q5y0
|
{
"description": "cancelling being the best man at my dad's wedding",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I cancel being the best man at my dad’s wedding
|
First time poster here. 24 y/o male.
My dad got engaged about a year ago and shortly after, he asked if I would be his best man. I accepted because we were on relatively good terms at that time.
Short background is that he has been verbally abusive, manipulative, and has been in generally just a down right bad father my whole life. He has supported me financially because he is wealthy, but it has come at a cost of him demanding unreasonable performance, that if not met, brings wrath. I tried my best when I was younger but I am now financially on my own so I am creating distance.
An example of his character- When both of my parents were still together, my moms mother died and he told my mom if she did not sign over her $1M inheritance, he would not allow her to use any of his money. She signed it over and he invested it in real estate. When they split, that money was not traceable due to his shady accounting techniques, and it was lost. My mom never touched a cent of that $1m. My parents split after an argument ended with him putting his wedding ring on her bathroom sink (double vanity) for a few weeks. My mom left a bit after that. This was 9 years ago.
On Christmas Eve of 2018, my grandfather on my moms side was airlifted to where I live from where he lived, a few hours away. I was in a different state visiting a friend at the time, but drove home upon hearing this. I called my dad to tell him, and he basically said nothing and told me to drive safe. No condolences. Next day we were all meeting for lunch at my grandmothers on his side for Christmas and he was very awkward. I called him out for not talking to me about my dying grandfather and he flew off the handle calling my grandfather all sorts of names. I left and didn’t see him for a few weeks until I sat down with him and tried to hash it out. He told me he should not have treated me poorly for how bad of a person my now deceased grandfather was. ( the man won a Pulitzer Prize for eradicating the KKK in his town, as he was the owner of the local newspaper. Not a single bad bone in his body). All he did was defend my mother in their divorce.
Last weekend was my dads bachelor party in west palm. Reluctantly I went but it was so awkward. I kept things civil but he was ignoring me and rude, etc.
The last thing he was helping me with financially was my car, which he stopped paying for about a week after my grandpa died. I’ve been paying that and the insurance since. He’s trying to stress me financially to make me need him.
Am I an asshole if I ditch the wedding? 300 people are coming out, and it’s a pretty “high society” affair in our city and I risk my name being tarnished, but the thought of going up on the stage to deliver a speech in honor of him makes me want to drive my car full speed into a brick wall.
Thanks for any comments and sorry for the long post. Emotional stuff.
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "cutting my mom out of my life",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cutting my mom out of my life?
|
Now I have always felt like the least liked child when it comes to my mom. My parents went through a bad divorce a few months after I got born, and my mom ended up getting full custody of me, with no timeplan or anything.
​
Now although I don't know if I'm the cause of the divorce, I feel like I am and my mom probably agrees with me on that point. I feel like I have always had to "pay" for that.
​
This is everything like weird small things like her always making jokes at my expensive when at family gatherings (everything from embarrassing stories to ridiculing medical conditions) to what I would call borderline abuse, saying that she would beat me black and blue and throw me where no-one would ever find me and saying that she would send me to an orphanage before killing herself.
​
Now when I was in my late 15's I got sent to a boarding school, which was actually very refreshing and helped me gain self-confidence and friends etc. This also meant that I had a chance to get in contact with my dad, which I had not been allowed to do before, and quite frankly I like my dad and my dads side of the family a lot more than my mom/moms side. This meant that I automatically got closer to my dad and distanced myself from my mom.
​
There are also smaller things that make me feel like I'm less than my older brother. My mom paid for my brothers drivers license, first car, school equipment like books and laptops, multiple international trips and gave him allowance. In comparison my mom paid for the boarding school I go to, and that's it. She didn't pay a penny for any of that, and even when it comes to birthday presents, I remember when my brother turned 18 he got around $3000 in various stocks and bonds, I got a wire transfer of $200 and a happy birthday call.
​
The obvious explanation for this is that she has less money now compared to then, but I know that's not true since she worked as an accountant when my brother was my age, and now she is executive director for a somewhat big danish company.
​
This is where the rambling ends: I turned 18 mid October this year, and I arranged my plans for Christmas myself this year. The plan I had made was that the days leading up to Christmas I would be with my dad and his family, celebrate Christmas with my mom the 24th (in Denmark you celebrate Christmas the 24th), leave at around 10pm and catch a late flight to London and celebrate Christmas with my girlfriend and her family the 25th (girlfriends family is from London) and stay with her for a few days.
​
To me that sounds like a pretty fair distribution of time, but when my mom asked about my Christmas plans she freaked out and asked why I even wanted to celebrate with my girlfriend since we have only been together for 2 years, and why I wanted to be with my dad since he is mean and that he tried to send me to an orphanage when I got born. I told her that I'm an adult and I will do with my time as I please, to which she tried to guilt-trip me about how she spend so much time and ruined her life trying to make me successful, and if I really just wanted to betray her like that.
I told her that I was done with that guilt-tripping and that was the straw that broke the camels back, and I was gonna celebrate Christmas with my dad instead before hanging up the phone. Then I blocked her on all social medias and blocked her number from my phone, ultimately trying to cut my mom out of my life.
​
This was the 4th December, and my brother called me earlier today telling me that he just got off the phone with my mom crying that I hated her and my brother told me that I should give my mom another chance, I started feeling bad but I feel like I did the right thing.
​
From an outsider perspective, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
8K6LWGOc65hMK2DMfTxGr1rqhl3IKVcY
|
a6frtt
|
{
"description": "being mad at my bf going out with the girl who recently confessed to him and made clear that she's sooo horny for him, wants to fuck him very BADLY, the girl who asked him (more than couple of times) if he'd really be loyal to his gf etc",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA: [UPDATE] ...for being mad at my bf going out with the girl who recently confessed to him and made clear that she's sooo horny for him, wants to fuck him VERY BADLY, the girl who asked him (more than couple of times) if he'd REALLY be loyal to his gf etc.????
|
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/a5afjv/aita_for_wanting_my_f18_bf_m21_to_cook_so_i_can/?utm_source=reddit-android
Not much to say here again. He's going out with her and a few friends of his (this evening apparently) and I'm just asking myself if I'm being overly jealous here?? I feel *dead uncomfortable* and after I spoke to him about how I feel, he told me that he'd not be willing to lessen/cut contact with her, just because I'm feeling not too comfortable with that hoe. (Sorry, but really, from what I heard she offered to him, she's definetely a hoe for me) Again, this girl is not letting him go by any means, she's clinging to him like a motherfucking limpet.
AITA here?? I'm terribly sorry if it's super obvious for you, but I've been just doubted my whole fucking life, I cant help to just have doubts about everything I do.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
C2g3oTKwEAJ0dcU7PwFPc8OravOHDwam
|
a1ddnt
|
{
"description": "flushing the toilet on someone who was being sick",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for flushing the toilet on someone who was being sick.
|
At school the other day I was in the cubicle and could hear someone vomiting into the toilet bowl. I could see that their head was in the basin and so I climbed up onto the stall pulled their toilet chain (so they got flushed with sick) and then ran out of the toilet. I heard a “what the fuck” exclamation but I was already gone. At school there is a culture of playing jokes on younger kids so that was what I was trying to do although I took it a bit far.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
HVze5W0TZ52EpZxjNpHoXCqIwzlQsCG7
|
a3qe8w
|
{
"description": "asking my roommate to wear headphones",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For asking my roommate to wear headphones
|
For the past 4 nights my roommate has been playing music on his phone. I do not like the music and he usually plays it until 1 or 2 am. We usually go to sleep around 9pm. This morning I asked him that if he was going to continue playing his music he should wear headphones. He told me that he isn't playing it loud and I should just suck it up and ignore it. He is not playing it very loud but it still keeps me awake for awhile. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
kcKziDjlrXe3NkV9129RyTqKOgja7wy4
|
b0vhk3
|
{
"description": "not wanting my best friends friend staying with us for a weekend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my best friends friend staying with us for a weekend
|
This is probably a very mild story here but I really gotta get this off my chest.
​
So in April my best friend of two years and I are going to a convention together, and we got a hotel in my name. The hotel is very expensive and we're paying fairly.
About a couple weeks ago my best friend asked if their friend could stay with us, since the person really wanted to go to the con.
Here's some background info on my friend, we'll just call them M. M is the type of person who needs someone around them at all times, and needs lots of friends to accommodate with this. However, because of this M has made VERY toxic and abusive friends. They mentioned to me one of their new friends at the time got drunk and beat them, another friend did unspeakable things to them, and more just ended up using them for their money. I've had an encounter with a "new friend" which ended up them verbally abusing me and me getting a panic attack over it. Little to say I REALLY don't trust their "new friends" when they show up. TLDR, they become friends with toxic people.
Because of this, I'm EXTREMELY uncomfortable having the thought of a stranger I don't know, and possible toxic person stay with me overnight. I explained my side to them, but they seemed very disappointed and upset over my decision. I'm diagnosed with severe anxiety and they know this, but I constantly feel like I'm in the wrong here.
am i the asshole for declining?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
G9lBvvLd0Hdij2JRsCLovAuCkQcPQTsA
|
awap91
|
{
"description": "not living at home/instantly giving my parents money as I am becoming financially independent",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not living at home/instantly giving my parents money as I am becoming financially independent?
|
Context: I grew up very much low-income in LA and the only reason I am financially independent as I am is because of my parents helping me so much financially/emotionally and what have you. Anywho, I went to college on a scholarship and ended up getting a job that I didn’t expect to pay me this much as I have no experience and just graduated with my bachelors last June. Not six figures yet but definitely more than fresh graduates do make. So my relationship with my parents is mostly really strong, love em to death, then I came out as queer and we drifted apart for about a year (they’re conservative immigrant latinx peepz), then we worked things out and are much better off. I’m 23 years old now.
Issue: So I moved to San Francisco and got this job, so it’s been a whole thing getting my parents to understand why I would want to be somewhere new and not save all of my money and live at home. I understand being fiscally responsible and I feel like I am that. My whole plan was to cover all monthly expenses (including rent/utilities) with my 1st paycheck, and my 2nd paycheck of the month will go to my savings. I’ve been looking to move as I live far from work, spend a lot of money on public transportation and car insurance, so in total ends up being close to $1200 (including rent) and that’s excluding parking which would be an extra $100 that I just don’t pay for cuz parking tickets aren’t that popular here for that. So my budget to move was $1000-1400. People who are in the bay area (especially in the city) know that is a typical range for people who don’t want to break the bank but still have convenience of the city. Anywho, I call my mom excited that I found a place (with really cool people) and then she asks me the price and I say it’s $1400. She gets UPSET with me exclaiming how that’s a sin and how I know they’re struggling and I’m not giving them that kind of money. Once I get her to realize that my $800 in rent is actually about $1200 w/o paying for parking, and once I move I’m giving the car back to my parents and won’t pay for public transportation/insurance, she realizes that it isn’t that much of a grand difference in actuality. So the problem is that she made me feel like a dick that I’m doing this. But I’m queer, love being here in the city, having a different experience, and DO plan on giving them money just once I save more first so I can feel more of a safety net.
Basically, AITA for wanting this experience for myself? Or am I really being a dumb bitch about this whole situation? Living at home just isn’t enticing for me, I’m so comfortable being surrounded by queer energy in the bay area and also exploring a new city/new people atm. Gonna talk to my mom later too to let her know how she made me feel.
TLDR: Am I an ungrateful bitch for living within my means and saving for myself, instead of just living at home and giving my parents rent money?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
3mZezmT2JuU0RK0kTUy64bPsHDcYBoMX
|
al50dk
|
{
"description": "not letting my wife take our 5yr son to work",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not letting my wife take our 5yr son to work?
|
My wife is a veterinarian and started at a new practice a couple months ago. This practice is much larger with a more formal structure than the one she left (left a one owner practice and went to a mid sized corporate group). Today was her day off, except she had to attend a doctor's meeting in the late afternoon. These meetings can take up to two hours.
She kept floating the idea of taking our oldest to the meeting, which I kept saying was unnecessary as I stay home with our other two kids and regularly get him after school on days she's working. She eventually told him he might be able to come with her, which in his mind means he gets to go with Mommy to work. At this point I flatly told her no, he's not going. This upset him, as he doesn't understand that neither an hour plus meeting of professionals nor an active vet center is somewhere a 5 year old should be.
I know she wants to spend more time with the kids, our son especially, but bringing him to a doctor's meeting where she needs to be actively participating isn't the way to do it.
TL/DR: wife wanted to take our 5 year old to a doctor's meeting, I said no. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
yr1OaY8q8JJ6NQDVrqO7NTevwUV1PEm5
|
at144z
|
{
"description": "calling out from my interview today",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITAH if I call out from my interview today?
|
I’m just getting a squeamish feeling about this job. First, they contacted me about this job, said it was one type of role then when I interviewed yesterday, they said it was a different type of role. Okay, so maybe potato, patahto. Then, they tell me it’s all commission based, door to door sales, but they train me to do well. Still not feeling this. I don’t how to describe it, but something about the way they were trying really hard to sell the job to me and butter me up makes me feel like I’m being used.
So am I an asshole if I call them up right when they open and say I’m not sure this is a good fit for me? The job is an hour away and I don’t want to waste someone’s time at an interview if I’m just going to say no. Just to clarify again, I only just got this interview yesterday and it’s taken me all night to think about it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 9,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
N4wPwSUjwZlbghY2UvCrm9RW8pOlG1zi
|
azc0uw
|
{
"description": "not going back to my job",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for not going back to my job?
|
I have a crappy retail job and it has started to give me real angst to go there.
​
The management is nasty to staff and overall, I feel crappy when I'm there. Morale is in the pooper.
​
Can I just stop going? Do we really need to prolong the charade for two more weeks due to some old fashioned manners rules?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 4,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
BmvITd8KbF8pV4UmQphMB9VgIc4mPIgp
|
b1wtck
|
{
"description": "cancelling an orgy",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for cancelling an orgy?
|
So some background information. I am a gay male in my 20’s living in NYC.
A few days ago I met this guy on grindr and went to his apartment and hooked up with him. He told me that he was interested in doing a group thing because he’s never done it before. I said that I could host one because I have my own apartment so we would have free run of the place. We started a group chat on grindr yesterday and began looking for guys for a sex party that was supposed to occur today. The group chat was not active at all yesterday and it wasn’t until this morning that people were chatting and showing interest.
There were a few guys in the group. I had added one of them who I had previously hooked up with. After a little bit, several of them bailed and new guys were added so we were about 5-6 total.
I didn’t know these new guys and that’s when I started to get cold feet. I didn’t want complete strangers in my place (the guys previously were friends of the guy I originally planned the group with. He didn’t know all of the new guys). I wasn’t sure how they would treat my place, if they would steal stuff, etc. The more I thought about it, the more anxious I felt. I wasn’t even horny and it did not feel like a good vibe/time to me. Bottom line is that I did not want to have sex (with anyone).
So I texted the originally guy and told him my reasons and that I didn’t think I could host these guys. The guys had only confirmed about an hour ago (while I was at the gym and didn’t see the messages) and they wanted to come over in another hour from the time I cancelled.
Well the original guy flipped out on me. Told me he was really disappointed and said that he had cancelled plans. He also mentioned that my friend had cancelled going to a bday party for this (which he did not because I saw he was there currently on his Instagram story). Basically he was trying to guilt me into still having them over.
I feel really terrible about this and that I inconvenienced him/these random strangers. I totally understand that this was flaky of me and I apologized to him several times. He kept saying that other people had cancelled plans too and eventually said that he doesn’t want to meet up with me ever again. I said that was totally ok and warranted.
Now I’m left feeling like an asshole. AITA because I changed my mind/consent and didn’t want to host strangers at my place for a sex party?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
KB71UlsD7TxUFxWSyfi2G1NYYjgRxLbK
|
a0oasw
|
{
"description": "not working during an unpaid break",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not working during an unpaid break?
|
I work at UPS and as you can imagine it’s peak season. Often times the belt will back up due to the sheer number of packages. We will get a set number of breaks due to how long we’ve been working. Today since it was rather long we had two breaks. However one was an unpaid break. Now I know in my state it’s the employer right to decide whether breaks are paid or unpaid.
Well the belt naturally got backed up right as we took the unpaid break. I was frustrated due lack of help from the “supervisors.” So I took the opportunity to get off my feet. Well the supervisors come around then to yell at us because of the belt. I very flatly told them I wouldn’t work on an unpaid break and was supported by my coworkers. The supervisor left it alone but I felt like they walked away unhappy with me for being the voice for my coworkers.
AITA for not pulling boxes and organizing during our break?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
raedDly8CFGo7mqMBLK3e94mpdN5zl6p
|
ay8166
|
{
"description": "leaving my ex 10 days before university restarted, knowing full well that we'd be seeing each other everyday",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for leaving my ex 10 days before university restarted, knowing full well that we'd be seeing each other everyday ?
|
***TL;DR***: I left my ex over skype, 700km away from her, 10 days before school started knowing well that we'd see each other everyday at school. I couldnt do it anymore.
I work summers full time, 12 days work, 2 day weekend, 4 months. It is a very physically demanding job.
As the summer goes on, she gets more and more demanding of my time, requiring that I call her **every single day** after work and that we spend almost all night talking on the phone. The weekends I work and with her she keeps me awake at 11-12pm when I have to wake up at 4am. During the weekend we also do all of her chores. Laundry, groceries, vet for the cat, all by car in a city that I hate, so no rest here. I'm also the one paying for \~everything we do.
I get exhausted, to the point of being sick for 2-3 days. I tell her I need to rest because I'm really tired and was just sick. She takes it super personal, calls me names and claims that I don't love her for not wanting to spend time with her. This would happen every time I said or did something she didnt like.
Anyway, we get into a big fight, as in, bigger than usual. We don't talk for 2 days, and honestly, during those 2 days, I only felt **relief.**
Two weeks further, she's now at her parent's place, I'm about to finally take my week off from work before school. She asks me if I want to visit her at her parent's place for the week. She wanted to spend time together there, but also for a gynecologist apointment that she was gonna have.
Basically, I refuse a first time clearly mentioning that I needed to rest a lot before uni started. She tries to convince me. I refuse a second time clearly insisting on my exhaustion and needed rest.
She calls names, says it's not her problem if I chose an exhausting job (it wasnt for 3 years before her), accuses me of not doing anything for her and not doing any effort for our couple. At that point I was already close from leaving her so I say "so be it" and then she blocks me on facebook. I tell her by text "it's sad that it finished on such a bad note. I just want you to know that I'll respect you anyway." She calls me panicking asking if it's really over. I tell her I need time to think, after four days, I break it off by skype video call. I wanted to leave her while she was at her parents so she has someone to be with while being heartbroken.
She claimed afterwards that I was extremely mean for breaking it off and calls me a monster for leaving her by skype, 10 days before school started. She then accused our mutual friends of plotting behind her back with me for wanting to hurt her. Then at school she tried to rally up every one in our program against me telling the story I'm telling here.
So reddit AITA ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
sb0XD5h3Si0AR8RFcW3gNfXRL0ifHI7s
|
apje3j
|
{
"description": "being attracted to my friends",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being attracted to my friends?
|
I'll make this short (and apologies for bad grammar/punctuation)
cast - Me (Jim), Julia, Alex, Sam(who wasn't my friend. she was invited by Alex)
these aren't our real names and for context, were all about 15-16
The cast and I were joking around and talking about crushes one night over FaceTime and whatnot when Julia decided to ask everyone about current and past crushes. I was the last to talk about my crushes and I listed off a few bames of celebrities, cartoon characters, and a friend or two I haven't named (they will be FR1 and FR2).
as we keep chatting I notice Sam wasn't talking anymore.
Me- Hey Sam, something the matter?
Sam- you have crushes on FR1 and FR2?
Me- Yeah. I used to.
Sam- you shouldn't ever have a petty crush on close friends. it just seems wrong.
Me- I don't understand how you would ever think that but ok
and I tried to get off the topic as I and the others were getting uncomfortable. it gets closer to 3am when Sam yelled HOW COULD YOU LIKE YOUR FRIENDS LIKE THAT???
me-BECAUSE IM YOUNG AND HORMONES SUCK. IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT LEAVE
s- *still yelling but caps are needed for emphasis (sorry I'm new to Reddit and idk)* because it's not fair that you choose favorite friends like that! doing that makes us GOOD friends feel left out!
Julia- you're the only one that feels that way
I'm sure more happened but I have bad anger issues and left so I wouldn't break anything.
I probably shouldn't have but I want to know, am I the asshole??
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 7,
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"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
8WAdQ8iVivnZvW8AbocEFSjagJpeHyWS
|
au2bvb
|
{
"description": "coming out to my friend",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for coming out to my friend?
|
I know, I know, weird question. I was texting friend and he told me he was was gay. I thought it was a good opportunity to tell him I was bisexual, and he fucking blew up at me, saying I was lying to take attention away from him. All of our friends agree with him. So, am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 18,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 18,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
KVDEslSCSdc3NcTMmZDlZo7T7rOYT1tl
|
a7tdix
|
{
"description": "going to a restaurant my friends wanted to go to a few days before we we all supposed to go",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for going to a restaurant my friends wanted to go to a few days before we we all supposed to go.
|
Sorry, this is on mobile.
Let me preface this a little bit. Me and my brother hardly ever hang out. He lives in another state, and we don’t really talk much online, but whenever we get together to hang out we always have a great time.
He came home for the holidays this week. On Tuesday, me, my brother, my mom, and my dad scheduled some stuff to do today, Wednesday. We did have any dinner plans and we’re just planning on going somewhere on a whim.
While we are still out and about, I get a call from one of my closest friends. Apparently they wanted to do literally the exact same thing this coming weekend. One thing that was different was they had a restaurant in mind they wanted to try (which just so happens to be the kind of restaurant my brother has been raving about). My brother overheard us talking about this restaurant and thinks it’s a good idea for us to go after we get finished with what ever it was we were doing. He told our parent and was really excited about it, much to my friends protest.
I wasn’t sure what to do at this point. The way I saw it, I had two options:
1- I would not say anything, piss off my friends for doing something without them, and end up feeling like shit because my friends are mad at me.
Or
2- Tell my family that we can’t go because my friends wanted to go later, thus ensuring we would probably never go there as a family. This would either do nothing at all because of how excited my brother was, making my friends mad, or it would it would work and I’d feel like shit for ruin my brothers day.
There didn’t seem like much I could do, so told my family about my friends plan and we went to eat there anyway. My brother decided it would be funny to taunt my friends with pictures of the food there. I told him not to, that doing something like that would start something that I’d have to clean up, but it was too late.
I got a bunch of angry texts after that, with one of my friends saying I “spoiled” the trip (even though she already told everyone where we were going). I tried to tell them there wasn’t anything I could do without sounding like a ridiculous asshole, but they didn’t care.
I feel like an asshole, but I don’t know if that just me over thinking things, I’d really like some perspective on this. Thanks.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
mA3ikBPoqoibrDPf4cCxOEu3wQiDkjAT
|
a1ap13
|
{
"description": "being pissed at the girl who ruined our choir concert recording",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for being pissed at the girl who ruined our choir concert recording?
|
Let's start with a preface. When someone ruins something you love, you get pissed off at them, right? I do. (TLDR at bottom)
​
I sing in a choir at my community college. Let's call it Apples Community College, or ACC. I am in the most basic Choir I class offered, as it sounded like fun. I have since become very passionate about it, and would like to continue as long as I'm able. My choir goes to a city 2 hours away to join 4 other choirs to sing together, it's really fun and sounds amazing.
​
One of my favorite things is listening to the recording of the performance for the first time, hearing what it all sounds like put together rather than just hearing the few people around me. I like listening for my parts, and showing it to anyone who couldn't make it live.
​
Back to this big concert. Our ACC choir was singing 2 songs on our own, then 3 songs as a megachoir, with everyone from all the attending choirs all singing together. That's about 140ish people, all singing together, having a good time, and it always sounds beautiful. It sure did during practice, and live, according to the audience.
​
However. I would not be here posting without a however.
​
There is a girl in my choir. I do not know much about her, so these statements are from my observations and educated guesses. Let's call her Tara. Tara has a severe speech impediment, does not know how to read, and is entirely unable to follow directions or basic social cues. I assume she has autism. Regardless, she can't sing. She sticks out like a sore thumb audibly, and it makes it hard for everyone around her to sing because she's mumbling off-pitch nonsense, occasionally getting a word right.
​
I sympathize. I do. A close family member of mine is also severely autistic, and I am accustomed to interacting with her.
​
But does that mean she should be able to ruin the video recording of our concert by sitting next to the microphone and overshadowing all the beautiful singing with her own cringe-worthy 'singing'?
​
I was almost in tears listening to the recording the first time I listened to it earlier today. Every single person on that stage worked SO hard to make this performance exceptional, and the parts where Tara wasn't saying anything sounded beautiful enough to tug at your heartstrings... But then she'd open her mouth again, and you couldn't hardly listen to it.
​
To add insult to injury, the recording was broadcasted live on television, meaning everyone who was listening heard only the bad singing from her. A lot of people tuned in live.
​
I am furious and upset and kind of heartbroken. I put so much time and work into learning to sing as best as I could, and in one fell swoop it was ruined. How can I not be furious?
​
However, people I've spoken to say I shouldn't be upset with her, she doesn't know any better, she can't be excluded like that, etc... But does her (potential) disability really exempt her from any potential consequences or blame? Why does she get a free ticket to do whatever the hell she wants? So as not to upset her? As cold as it may sound, how the hell is that my problem?
​
Maybe I'm a bit bitter and prejudiced. My cousin who suffers similarly has always escaped any consequences and is given anything it takes to get her to stay quiet and to behave. She once kicked me in the throat and when I ran inside choking and crying, she was the one comforted because she was upset about it. I was left standing there, unable to breathe, 13 years old. And I was recently informed that when everyone else dies, it'll be my job to take care of her because "she's family". So maybe I'm just bitter.
​
But I don't think I am. I think I have every right to be quietly upset. Will I do anything about it? No. Barring complaining to a few close people to me, I'm not gonna do a damn thing. But I am upset. And I think I have every right to be.
​
TLDR; Autistic girl who can't sing ruins the recording of our beautiful concert, people say I shouldn't blame her because of her disability, I think that's a bullshit cop-out. She still has fucking ears.
​
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HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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lAjkEthP4ZoZylskU8jEAS7hIvV47Oyz
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agilu3
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{
"description": "refusing to give back my school laptop",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for refusing to give back my school laptop?
|
So to start with background here: I am currently a first year college student studying information technology, and recently I had to pull money out of my school account to buy a laptop that was compatible with my computer programs for school (so a PC, not a mac, which is what I had)
I am incredibly lucky to have two great grandparents on my father's side that were both doctors, and they have set aside a large amount of money in a bank account that my grandparents have control over that is specifically for me to go to school. Tuition, books, supplies. This fund has been available to me since I was in high school, but due to a long struggle with my mental health, I am just now going back to school at the age of 24.
I want to make sure anyone reading knows that I recognize that I am super lucky, and privileged to have great grandparents that are willing to help me get through school. They chose to do this because we are the black sheep - my immediate family has a bad history of drug abuse, mental illness, and lots of drama. All my other family members are picture perfect Christians who did things by the book - school, house, marriage, kids, stable careers, etc. They gave me a way to work towards a better future without putting myself into debt, they are allowing me to have a really great start to my future now that I'm stable and have found medications that will allow me to lead a normal life. If I graduate, I will be the first in my immediate family to have a degree since my great grandparents.
However, it sucks that my grandparents are in charge of the account. They are notorious for taking advantage of my great grandparents money, from new cars whenever they "need" it to vacations and more. When they got older and were physically unable to work, my great grandparents set them up with a retirement fund of over $100,000. If it helps to have the info, my grandparents are 65 and 72. I know it doesn't sound like it, but my little black sheep side of the family isn't used to seeing that kind of money. My grandmother was a waitress all her life and my grandpa was a cook, together they might have made $20,000 a year... $30 max. I have been a retail store manager for around seven years, and in the last year I considered myself lucky to make around $30,000.
Anyways, here is the situation -
A few weeks ago I realized that my macbook (that I've had since I was 16 and is a little outdated lol) was not compatible with the computer programs I needed to run for school.
I am no longer working so that I can focus on school, and my super amazing boyfriend of six years is working and taking care of finances. Our goal is to switch once I'm done, so I will work and he will go to school. It might be odd, but it's what is working for us. Considering we don't have a lot of extra money these days, I went to my grandparents in the hopes that they would be willing to get me a cheap laptop using my school money, because I am really only using it for school. My grandpa and I went to Best Buy, and I picked out the lowest price full laptop we could find - $250. Afterwards, he casually mentioned that he expected me to give the laptop to my grandmother once I was done with school.
While I haven't flat out refused, I plan to when he asks for it back, and I want to know if I'm being selfish/immature/spoiled in thinking this is right.
Here are my reasons
1) As previously mentioned in this post, I am hoping that my boyfriend will be able to go to school when I am done. Realistically it would be super beneficial for us to keep the laptop so that my boyfriend can have a school computer too when I'm done. Most people would say "well it isn't the responsibility of your grandparents to help your boyfriend through school" which is true but brings me to #2
2) Also previously mentioned, my grandparents have a bank account with $100,000 sitting in it and I can't help but feel it wouldn't be that big of a financial burden for them to spend $250 of their $100,000 if my grandma wants a new laptop that bad.
3) My grandmother has destroyed over 5 different laptops with viruses and she honestly shouldn't have a computer. The last one she had, an ad popped up for a $500 computer program that would eliminate viruses from her computer and she was gullible enough to put her card info in and lose $500 to an internet scam... then her laptop crashed from viruses.
4) Personally my most important point, is that they have been up my ass for YEARS about how that fund is for nothing but school. When I was younger and struggling, I had asked them for help financially a couple times through this giant bank account that I wasn't even sure I was ever going to use. This would result in giant lectures about how it wasn't their money and they didn't want to go against my great grandparents wishes by using it for anything other than school. It feels hypocritical to me for them to say "no you can't use this money for anything other than school" but then say "when you're done with your school supplies I'll take them and download farmville".
So, Reddit, am I the asshole for wanting to hang on to a computer that I didn't buy with my own money, and not wanting to give it to someone else who didn't buy it?
TLDR : Great grandparents on my grandpa's side pay for my schooling, and recently bought me a school computer. My grandpa expects me to give said school computer to my grandma when I'm done with school and I don't think I should have to because they didn't pay for it, she breaks every laptop she's ever had, they have more than enough money to buy a laptop if they really want one (money they got from my great grandparents), I am hoping my boyfriend can use it as a school computer when I'm done, and they are constantly lecturing me about how my great grandparents money that they gave me is only for school, not farmville and Facebook - AITA for wanting to say no?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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WRsddXCNmNr26QDSekABvCMvnonRJfhB
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9zwv7v
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{
"description": "bringing condoms for an oral-only hookup",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for bringing condoms for an oral-only hookup?
|
*Context:*
After talking with a girl for a few weeks, we mutually decided to get sexual. We explicitly agreed to only give each other oral for the first time and save penetration for a later time. Both of our schedules were busy so we actually scheduled the oral-only session for last night (this also made both of us anticipate it more).
*My Actions/Point of View:*
I decided to pick up some condoms and bring them to our session, so that if, on the off chance we changed our minds, we had the option. I hid them in my bag and didn’t announce that I had them so that the girl didn’t think that I was trying to pressure her at all. I truly had no intention of using them last night, but I wanted to be responsible if, in the heat of the moment, we had a change of heart. After our oral-only session, as I was leaving, the condoms fell out of my bag and she saw them.
**Her Point of View:**
After seeing them, she felt as if I was trying to deceive her and wasn’t honest with what I wanted. She said that bringing the condoms demonstrated I didn’t intend to abide by our terms and was disrespectful to her.
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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kYQ4EuT04m5q7qTwie2Beh8qy5UwlcMp
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au3bx3
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{
"description": "not wanting to eat my brother's pies",
"pronormative_score": 19,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not wanting to eat my brother's pies
|
Am I the asshole for not wanting to eat my brother's pies and desserts because he used butter and not a vegan sub?
I feel like the internet hates vegans but hear me out.
Every Saturday I go home, to moms, for dinner. (My mom is a vegetarian) and my brother lives with my mom. He's recently gotten into baking, which is great, but he always wants me to have some and he doesn't always make it vegan. "A little butter wont kill you Kelsey" well I understand that, but I also didnt ask for Pie.
I didnt say "make me a pie bitch". But my brother is insisting that I need to eat is pie, cookies, cakes, loaves, etc. This is like a weekly conversation.
My mom is very loosey-goosey with veganism, she'll eat dairy sometimes so he thinks I'm the same. But the thing is, she has vegan butter in the house so why did he have to go out of his way to use dairy? It's just frustrating.
I know my Vegan Card wont be revoked if I have a slice of pie, but I just feel like its mean to pressure me into eating dairy when he knows damn well I 👏dont👏 eat 👏dairy 👏. I've never pressured him to eat vegan. Nothing of the sort.
He's my brother and I'd love to have some of his pie to make him happy, I just don't want to be made out to be the bad vegan sister. I just feel like if he WANTS me to eat his food, it should be something I can eat. And if he makes something non-vegan I shouldn't be expected to eat it. I wouldn't make a huff if he made a non-vegan pie. I wouldn't expect him to go out of his way to make something not vegan either.
I'm ready for the down votes
|
HISTORICAL
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MAeCVrdEdII2Dh4HATtkw1RUbtRc9HAD
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b3oqsp
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{
"description": "expecting that he works at my father's deli until he finds other work",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for expecting that he works at my father’s deli until he finds other work?
|
My boyfriend lost his job in January. He was working tech support. He’s been looking for something similar to what he was doing, but he’s still out of work. He had to borrow money from his family to cover his half of rent/bills.
My father owns a deli and has offered him full time work until he finds another tech support job. My boyfriend doesn’t want to though, he says that he’s awful at that kind of thing. I explained that at most he would have to make a sub, but probably he would just be stocking shelves and cleaning. I have a feeling that the real reason he doesn’t want to take the job is out of pride. He’s been out of work for two months though and I feel like it’s time to swallow it and take the hand up.
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HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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RIGHT
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RW5ODX98zztFKZUBc7v8J0GomzJRxhff
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aee2dc
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{
"description": "avoiding my friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for avoiding my friend?
|
I have this friend who is the chatty, gossipy type and she texts me a lot to talk but I'm starting to get frustrated by *what* she wants to talk about. It's always either a sad topic about her not feeling like she has a social life or it's about her non-existent sex life.
By now we've had the same conversations tens of times. I've tried to be nice, helpful, serious, comedic, everything but I keep hearing the same stuff over and over again.
I feel like I've fallen into the "gay best friend" cliche from a teen movie except I'm not gay and I'm starting to struggle to keep anything we talk about interesting.
AITA for avoiding my friend now? I just don't know what to say to hearing the same stuff over and over again.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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xqlmLou2dKPKODqz75xSllP2FJMR0AMD
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b8bvrr
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{
"description": "refusing to eat food someone made/bought for me",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I refused to eat food someone made/bought for me
|
Background: I used to be extremely overweight and it was due to a massive junk food addiction. I've been fixing it the past few years and now I am down to a normal weight range. In doing so, I developed an aversion to junk food like a former alcoholic would to beer. I track everything and don't cheat because I know if I let myself eat cake once ( from experience ) I will keep eating junk at increasingly more frequent times in till I'm back to where I was. So instead, I just don't eat it ever.
This often leads to social problems. For some reason, every American event revolves around garbage food. Office meeting? Pizza, Co-workers birthday? Cake, Family reunion? Deep-fried pasta. It's not hard for me to resist these things but I get a lot of comments. "Oh /u/Better_MixMaster, you know there is pizza right?". I can deal with one or two but sometimes it's literally everyone I talk to. Or the even worse situation where someone just hands you food and assumes you want it. I often just throw it away when no one is looking.
This works because it's junk food for large groups and someone else would just eat my serving but it wouldn't work if someone specifically made something for me. So in the situation of "Hey, /u/Better_MixMaster, I hand made these chocolates for you", WIBTA if I refused to eat them? ( I'd still Thank them )
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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aagjqg
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{
"description": "sending a complaint/feedback to the car dealership that serviced my car because their employee sent me a friend request on Facebook",
"pronormative_score": 13,
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|
WIBTA if I sent a complaint/feedback to the car dealership that serviced my car because their employee sent me a friend request on Facebook?
|
I got my car serviced at my usual [brand] dealership yesterday. They offer to drop you off/pick you up from somewhere while your car is being serviced. I've had them drop me/pick me up from my house at least two or three times before without issue. In the past the guy who drove me was older (past middle-age? married with older kids etc.) but this time it was a guy who looked a bit younger than me (I'm late 20s).
So that same afternoon, after I'd collected my car and everything was done with, I notice I have a friend request on Facebook. I don't recognise the name but when I look at the profile I recognise the guy from the photo and his workplace is listed there. It's the young guy from the car dealership who dropped me off/picked me up for my car service. This makes me a bit uncomfortable.
We only made small talk while he was driving me, about the weather etc. and I told him where I worked. I'm a quiet and introverted person so I would have been happy to sit in silence but maybe the guys who do this job are told to make small talk or just naturally want to chat, I don't know. I wasn't being overly friendly or at all flirty. I told him my first name and he knows where I live because that's where he dropped me/picked me up from. (I'm assuming he was told or got my surname as part of his job, that specific detail I don't care about.)
In a scenario where the employee and the customer were getting on really well and one of them asked the other about hanging out or a friend request and the other person said yes - fine. That doesn't seem out of bounds.
But like I said, I feel a bit uncomfortable with this. I don't think he's a murderer or anything and I don't think this is bad enough that he deserves to be fired, but I think someone should tell him that this isn't okay.
I saw this as a normal customer interaction. WIBTA? Am I overreacting? Usually they call after the service to make sure the customer is happy and I assume that will happen on Monday since it's the weekend and I believe they're currently closed. I tried looking for an email address but the only ones I could find were generic and for higher up in the company.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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bWHqN5hWOB6LE4T8LVA6kRt890RIQmgi
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9vn03t
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{
"description": "insisting my ex call our daughter before 9:30 pm & putting a limit the number of times he calls when there's no answer",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for insisting my ex call our daughter before 9:30 pm & putting a limit the number of times he calls when there’s no answer?
|
Obviously, I am divorced from my ex-husband. We have been separated since 2009 but the divorce wasn’t final until 2017.
We have two children together a boy who is almost 25 and a girl who is 14. Our son is married with a child and is in charge of whatever contact with his father he has.
Our daughter, on the other hand, lives with me. He has not seen her in three years but he calls her every single night. I have no problem with him calling her. (Personally, I wish he would actually try to see her but she says he never offers & when she invited him to school functions he declines). However he will call her at anywhere from 7 pm on. One night it was 1 AM because he woke up in the recliner(according to her) and realized he had not talked to her yet that night. He then called her repeatedly until he woke us both up from the phone ringing. There have been many occasions when she has been asleep and he has woken her up when he calls, not to mention the night she was at a friends house watching a movie and when she got finished, she had 27 missed calls from her dad.
I want to know if I would be the asshole for telling him ”Look, 9:30 pm is the limit. Do not call any later. She has school and activities and if she does not answer wait 15 minutes to call back. If she does not answer then, she will call you the next day. “
**UPDATE**
I hated to do it but I actually ended up putting him on DND on her phone from 10 pm to 6 am this morning after asking him nicely to stop then asking a few weeks ago not so nicely and him calling at midnite last night. Repeatedly. Because she was asleep.
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HISTORICAL
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acp3i3
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{
"description": "not wanting to give birth in fear of having a child with special needs",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not wanting to give birth in fear of having a child with special needs?
|
So, background is my sister has severe special needs that cause her to need constant care & it will be like that for the rest of her life.
The other day I told my mom I didn’t want to give birth to kids in fear of them being special needs, and she lowkey freaked out saying how it wasn’t genetic and how it shouldn’t matter to me.
Now, I have nothing against people with special needs, and I don’t hate my sister, however if I had the choice I would obviously choose for her to be normal. Not just to ease her suffering but also mine & the rest of my family’s.
It might be selfish for me to call it ‘suffering’, but the truth is that throughout my childhood I had severe feelings of resentment & jealousy because I felt my mom just didn’t love me as much.
I’m old enough now to look at the situation differently, but as a young child all I could see was my mother spending more time with her & her being less available to participate in my life, before I understood what her disability really meant.
There was also a lot of embarrassment, in public & especially when she would come to my school & other kids would ask questions. I just didn’t want to answer & have to explain everything because I just wanted to be seen as normal. My early teens were probably the worst in terms of embarrassment, I didn’t want to stand out and I hated being looked at. Even today, if I meet someone who I know I won’t have to see again and they’re making small talk, I’ll just tell them I’m an only child because I still don’t like explaining that my sister doesn’t have a job, she doesn’t have kids, and she never will. It’s not meant to disrespect her, but it just is easier for me.
It took me a long time to work out all of these feelings & emotions and it had been a huge struggle in my life, especially to get over the feelings of resentment. I know my childhood would have been a lot easier & better if I didn’t have my sister (not saying I would want that, but it’s just a fact).
Now that I’m older, and am considering the idea of kids, I am terrified to give birth. Again, I might be being selfish here, but I would not want to sacrifice the rest of my life to my child. Constant care of someone who needs the care of a 1 year old baby for the rest of my life is something I never want to go through. I also believe that if I had a disabled child and a typical child, it would be unfair to the typical child, especially since I’m well aware of all the negative emotions I experienced throughout childhood. In general, my family is happy and I believe that growing up with a sibling with special needs has helped me in many different ways and can be a beneficial experience, but it’s the emotional struggle that I went through that affected me a lot.
If I do, in fact, decide to have kids, I will definitely move towards adoption. I don’t really understand why my mom would get upset about me telling her that, because it was in no way meant to offend her or my sister. I may be selfish in this situation but it’s my life, and I believe you need to be somewhat selfish to be happy.
Overall, if I ever have kids I will love them no matter what, but is it wrong of me to not want to give birth for this specific reason?
|
HISTORICAL
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9wepto
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{
"description": "reserving a seat for my girlfriend at the library",
"pronormative_score": 5,
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|
AItA for reserving a seat for my girlfriend at the library?
|
Hey there,
so, just a couple of hours ago I got into a little argument with a fellow student about a workdesk in our university's library. It's a common place to study for a lot of students as it's very quiet and most of the literature that we need is concentrated there. There's six "seats" or workdesks per large table, and there's about 40 large tables in the library, so if there's no exams immediately ahead, there's always a lot more free seats than occupied seats.
Anyways, my girlfriend and I like to sit opposite from each other at the window side of the table (the tables are 3x2 seats: 2 seats at the window, 2 middle seats, 2 aisle seats). Normally, we enter together when the library opens at 8 am, sit down and study. This morning, however, my girlfriend needed to get to an early appointment, so I went alone, sat down at the window desk, and put some books on the desk opposite from mine, to "reserve" her workdesk. I put that in quoation marks, because apart from those two desks, there's virtually no other that is occupied. I just wanted to prevent someone to randomly pick that desk over any other random desk.
So then, at maybe 8.30 am, this guy comes to my table, sits down at the desk opposite from me, and puts the books at the desk next to him. Mind you, apart from those two desks, I can see literally no other occupied. The guy has not only 4 other desks to sit down, but also 12 at the tables next to ours (including 4 other window seats).
So I say: Excuse me, I put the books there for my girlfriend, who's coming any minute now.
He replies: So? I want to sit at the windows and you can't reserve seats for people.
Me: I realize that, but would it be so bad if you just chose one of the other window seats?
He: Yes.
Me: Well, ok.
Yes, you actually shouldn't save seats for people, but this is something a lot of people do at our library when there's plenty of space and no one gets denied a desk and it's something no one normally has a problem with. I got the feeling that for him it wasn't so much about where he sits, but about him wanting to show me I couldn't reserve seats, no matter how many other seats were available (really, I felt a bit like the guy in this pic [https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1031966-urinal-etiquette](https://knowyourmeme.com/photos/1031966-urinal-etiquette)). It's also that everytime I see a "reserved" seat like this, I just pick another one and don't think about it further.
​
So, who's right here?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
|
YAYRMAq1Zcjc7msP7DYtckyYzNEy4TcT
|
aqsy4o
|
{
"description": "telling my uncle off for his wife's behavior",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my uncle off for his wife’s behavior?
|
My aunt and uncle (60s) normally visit once I week. I(F22) live with and take care of my grandma. I haven’t been able to stand my aunts behavior anymore. They live about 30 minutes away and they’ll call asking if they can come over and show up about 5 minutes later. After they arrive my aunt comes in doesn’t even acknowledge anyone in the house, makes herself something from the fridge eats it, doesn’t clean up, then drinks the rest of my grandmas coffee, eats whatever candy or chips she can find and again doesn’t clean up. She recently gotten into a really bad habit of going into my grandmas bed, sheets and all, and going to sleep for maybe 30min-1hr. I normally just ignore them and leave but I had to let me puppy out to go to the bathroom and my aunt had left a piece of chocolate cake on the couch and he ate it. Not on a plate or a napkin just on the couch. So I just asked if it’s really that difficult for us to clean up after ourselves. And he was saying your dog will be fine. So I started arguing with him saying I need to call the vet and take him in now and cancel everything I had because I have to take care of my dog because my aunt can’t clean up anything. He told me again to get over it. I told him no I won’t because if people are going to be careless when they come and leave a mess and have no disregard for anyone in this house I’m not putting up with it. He then mumbled something to me and I asked what he said and he did the whole “U HEARD EXACTLY WHAT I SAID” to where I just responded no I did not hear you I’m on the phone with the vet to make sure my dog won’t get sick. After this happened they haven’t visited again for about a month. I think a lot of this has been building up for quite some time because they both just come over to eat. They barely talk, sometimes they both just fall asleep after eating. I would just like to know AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
MuSo1VqswXVnBJO0kA8wdDK74tduNDTm
|
aowdf1
|
{
"description": "not dating a girl because she used to be an escort",
"pronormative_score": 51,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA for not dating a girl because she used to be an escort?
|
During my first year of university I met a girl. She was a friend of my flatmate and we got closer and began hanging out, I had feelings for her but she had a boyfriend at the time so I squashed my feelings away. As we got closer she trusted me enough to tell me that she works as an escort, and thats how she's funding her uni tuitions. I didn't really care much about it I guess, just made sure she was safe.
After graduating I moved away and we lost contact but a few years later I moved back to my hometown and she still lives here so we reconnected and it was like I never left. She had broken up and was single for a while, and she stopped escorting once she finished uni and found a job. She also revealed she had feelings for me and asked if we could try , and I will not lie in saying I definitely would have wanted to try, but i just couldn't get her past off my mind. Just imagining her having sex with some random guys just kind of pulled everything else down. I didn't want to hurt her but I didn't want to lead her on so in exact words I said, "I'm sorry but I don't think i can get over your past." I kind of instantly regret saying that but yeah things went very downhill from there.
I got lots of messages from her best friend(I think one of the only others who knows her past) calling me a "disgusting piece of shit" and that I don't deserve her, going as far as telling me to kill myself essentially. I tried sending her messages but she ignores me, maybe I can apologise somehow?
AITA for what I did?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 13,
"OTHER": 41,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 10,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 51,
"WRONG": 14
}
|
RIGHT
|
1DvHAc85tdvLzB585U5JTnYT7SvpoJia
|
azjrf4
|
{
"description": "not doing more around the house",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for not doing more around the house?
|
I (22m) live with my dad; my sister (18F) is away at college. My dad is a great: he's smart, a hard worker, and pushes me to be my best. He had a hard life and hates his job, and suffers from pretty bad depression, but he always gets his work done. His depression definitely has a negative effect on me, and I think I suffer from depression myself. I say I think because I can't tell if I'm depressed or just lazy; I'm afraid if it is depression, then I'm just faking it. My house is fairly large and there's always a lot to be done. I try to stay on top of it, but sometimes either forget or put it off until later to watch youtube videos/play video games. Whenever my dad gets annoyed by work he'll come home, see something I haven't gotten done, and yell about how he has to do everything himself and how I wouldn't last a day in his life because I'm only interested in my computer. A couple days ago I told him I think I might have depression; he said maybe, but that's no excuse for not getting things done because he has depression and gets his work done. I feel like a huge asshole and like I trivialized his work. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
3C6kvrjBAKniEJlWI33cg3mgLtTF3uR0
|
ar2t2t
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my girl for not caring about someone's death",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my girl for not caring about someone’s death?
|
On mobile. A week ago me(23m) and my girl(22f) went to a pretty popular/local shopping mall that had an indoor Target. Upon arrival there was a huge crowd gathering , i asked “whats going on” and a teenager heard what i asked and said there is a guy choking to death! Me being in active duty military automatically thinking i can help try to find him so i can do the Heimlich maneuver , cpr idk anything try to look for him but there is a huge glass window i see him suffering and everyone is standing with there phones out looking at this man die. As soon as i try to push my way through the crowd paramedics come and try to disperse the crowd and eventually stopped me from coming to help bc help has now arrived .
Seeing that i just let them do their job and i walked away to my girl who said to me where am i going ? I told her i just didn’t want to be in this vicinity anymore . She said well i want to stay and see what happens .. she later catches up with me and says that guy died ...
i felt so sad inside.... he was basically asking for help and no one had the audacity to even try to help.. so I’m like whatever lets leave .. she then says wait i need something from target .. I’m like fine whatever i don’t feel good lets make this quick. Once we get in she says wait one sec , then proceeds to go to the spot the guy just died at and took a selfie there.. apparently everyone who saw him die started to do the same . I ask her wtf and say do you not have any respect ? She proceeds to tell me im overreacting as she saw tears drop from my eyes as i basically hated every single person in my vicinity... AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
GWB7bnV3ifB1ng7kheuZjfhJ9rqL1g6a
|
b93p3f
|
{
"description": "asking my partner to pay more of the bills",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I asked my partner to pay more of the bills?
|
Recently, my partner received two large promotions and makes about 3x as much as I do. I am a student, about to finish my degree and work on top of that.
He pays a little extra in rent (only a couple hundred dollars) and pays for our dinners sometimes, but other than that we split everything down the middle. Groceries, stuff for our dog, house things, it's always even. He will always give me money if I ask, but that's just not in my nature.
He works for a large corporation where he has awesome insurance, and unfortunately they do not allow domestic partners to be on their health insurance plans. I, on the other hand, have very shitty insurance and have to mostly pay out of pocket for medical and dental bills (I had to take out a private loan just to pay for dental work, ain't America grand?). I also have an older car that I keep having to pump money into to keep it alive.
I also want to mention I do 90% of the housework, I always feel that because he pays a little more in rent and has a high stress job that I want to contribute more around the house. Today we got into a big fight over it because he made food late last night and didn't clean ANYTHING- there was food left out, the stove had caked on sauce and the sink was full of dirty dishes. I, of course, cleaned up after him this morning.
My question is, would I be the asshole if I were to ask him to pay more of the rent or contribute more financially since he makes so much more than me?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 6,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 9,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
E0mS7qNRBGKdpkOKfdiI2io7chUnfIOq
|
amtt0m
|
{
"description": "wanting my bf to better our situation",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for wanting my bf to better our situation?
|
We've been dating for 8 month. I moved in about 5 months ago. It's a studio apt and I absolutely hate it. It's one big room with a small kitchen and small bathroom.
When I moved in I had the understanding that once his lease was up we would move into a bigger place. He completely threw the rug underneath me at the end of last month and said he was going to sign the lease for another year. It's been the cause of a lot of fights since then.
We are always having money issues. He works at a hardware store and makes a little over min wage. I've tried to talk to him about getting a second job before and it's 50/50 on if he's open to it or just tells me that he likes things the way they are.
I'm so frustrated that he signed a lease in this dump for another whole year. I have to keep most of my things at my mother's just because there's no space here. I feel claustrophobic being there. He accused me of being over dramatic about it and minimized my feelings.
He claims he is happy with the way things are, but we still have to penny pinch in between his paychecks. I just don't understand why he wouldn't want to better our situation.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 14,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 15
}
|
WRONG
|
oy07f9QSVlIcWURXRrywcC449bciPcLY
|
b0p1xw
|
{
"description": "not saving a spot on a trip for a friend",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not saving a spot on a trip for a friend?.
|
Throwaway account as subject follows my main account.
A friend of mine and I have a weekend golf trip planned for August for the second year in a row. Last year we had 8 guys total (and a great time) and this year based on interest from numerous other friends and acquaintances we increased the number of spots we planned for to 16. We the two organizers plan far in advance and asked, just like last year, for interested parties to put a deposit of $150 which covers the three night cost of accommodation per person (we rent large condos in the area for the trip and split the total cost) and let everyone know that spots are on a first-come first-served basis. The reason for the deposit is that with larger groups people can be flaky and the other organizer and I a) don't want to be out money if someone cancels last-minute and b) allow us to book the needed number of tee times.
Another really good friend of mine (call him Trevor) who was on the trip last year and said he would be in for this year's trip was included on the general email sent out. The email detailed the trip itinerary and the request to e-transfer the deposit if you wanted a spot. This was a month ago. We had a rush of deposits initially up to 13 confirmed, then quiet for a week. I sent Trevor a couple of reminders to send the deposit via email and text, which he said that yes he's in for the trip and would be sending the money that day (which he didn't). About a week later we hung out and I asked Trevor again in person if he could send the money in soon as there were other people considering spots and he said again that yes, he'd send the money that day (which again he did not). Last week I sent him another email reminder, to which he replied "thanks dear, haha", without sending the deposit.
By this point I was annoyed because I don't enjoy tracking people down for money. Two more people booked to bring us up to 15, and at this point the other organizer texted me and said another buddy of his was interested and asked if I wanted to let Trevor know. I said nope and told the other organizer to let his other friend to send the deposit in, which he did which filled up the trip, which admittedly was somewhat passive-aggressive on my part.
Fast-forward to yesterday and Trevor texted me asking for the course list we were going to play on the trip, and I replied that the trip was full now and that if someone dropped out he could rotate in. He send me a text "thanks, you dick", and then told me that I should've held a spot for him because I know he'd be good for the money (n fairness to Trevor he's never displayed any cheap behavior before or been bad for money). I replied that I had sent him multiple reminders and that it wasn't my problem, to which replied "whatever", and we haven't spoken since. AITA?
TLDR: Should I have held a spot on a trip for a good friend even after sending multiple reminders about money.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
cZSk50kH0o8Cu3ZfeEdT7VExDVWOEWtJ
|
ba5yf8
|
{
"description": "buying expensive antiques at a yardsale for a cheap price because the owner had no idea of its value",
"pronormative_score": 115,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for buying expensive antiques at a yardsale for a cheap price because the owner had no idea of its value?
|
So my neighbor is having a yardsale and he inherited a bunch of antiques from his dead parents. I never really liked this guy as he catcalls my girlfriend and makes rude comments about my other neighbors and is constantly blasting loud music in the middle of the night keeping us up even after us repeatedly telling him to stop. We've frankly had enough with him. In his yardsale i see a couple of 1944 wheat pennies in almost mint condition in plastic protection containers and 2 1870 3 cent nickels also in fairly good condition. Total combined value is around 300-500 dollars but I'm not exactly sure as I'm not too familiar with these types of coins and it could possibly be worth in the thousands. I will check it out at a coin star soon.He sold me these coins for 30 bucks and i heard him whispering to his friends how he just ripped off a dumbass. He also has a bunch of ration card booklets from WW2 which he sold to me for a few dollars. I have absolutely no idea how valuable these are but its sure as hell worth a lot more than a few dollars. He also sold me a 1940 M1 garand (rifle) that he inherited from his grandfather for only 200 USD and honestly it's probably worth at least 3000 according to listings I've seen online for it.. This whole time he and his friends are snickering and whispering about how much I'm getting ripped off. I just ignore it. All my buddies think this is hilarious and they love using my gun and are really envious about my coins. I get a week later from my neighbor basically telling me how i ripped him off and i need to pay him more money or return the items. I tell him to fuck off. His uncle is furious at him because of how badly he was ripped off and he wanted to get the M1 garand. His uncle nonstop calls me demanding i give him the M1 and i also tell him to fuck off. My neighbor tells me he'll get the attorney involved and i tell him to stop being immature and that he was a jackass for selling these at such a low price. I also remind him of the catcalling and the partying and i basically tell all his other family members about his comments and they start to turn on him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 114,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 115,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
RIGHT
|
V2OyQLxFPIM8AF99u68IunQMVzx2454S
|
apgtxa
|
{
"description": "\"stealing\" a lady's stuff",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for “stealing” a lady’s stuff
|
So I was at the bus stop today and I realized that this lady that had a bunch of bags with her, left without taking one. By the time I realized that she was gone. I am not a particularly financially stable kid, so I decided to take a pack of multi grains out of her bag.
Next thing I know, she came back about 10 minutes later and got her bag. I then told her that I took her multi grains out of her bag and gave them back. This is when she started to shout at me and call me a dirty theif. I apologized to her but it was really hard to justify why I did what I did. My thought process behind this was that someone was probably going to take it anyway, and that she most Iikely would not come back for it.
I don’t think I’m in the wrong here but I feel really bad, am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 13
}
|
WRONG
|
fZpgGFt9w8jLNbyImtQAMoTnAxxIg1dw
|
acd3tl
|
{
"description": "saying nigga around my black friend who clarified he was okay with it",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for saying nigga around my black friend who clarified he was okay with it?
|
Essentially I was hanging out with my black friend and this white chick who we will call bravo, so we were just chatting and he was talking about this girl he pulled, I said that's my nigga and bravo immediatley went ballistic on my ass, saying how I can't say that and I deeply offended black friend. He just shrugged and said he was cool with it, she was still pissed though and told her also white friends, who called me a racist. Was I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
lg7Qvr9LcSzvgLF2CnHHem4NcgEJSJLv
|
a0w94o
|
{
"description": "whistleblowing a store I used to work at on Facebook",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for whistleblowing a store I used to work at on Facebook?
|
I started working at a popular high street coffee shop in the UK last Monday with a supervisor role. On Saturday I rang the area manager to give my immediate termination of my contract. I also contacted the HSE and the local council because of practices that went on in that store which aren’t acceptable and put the public at risk.
For me, this wasn’t enough. So, on our small town Facebook page I wrote a very well worded review of my experience there, effectively whistleblowing the mal practices in that store (selling out of date food, cross contamination of dairy and non-dairy and more things) and within an hour, half of the town had seen it and it was taken down due to it being reported, presumably by current employees of said coffee shop.
I’ve since been threatened with legal action (thankfully I’m protected by the law) and I’ve had the manager moan to me that they’ve taken a massive financial hit as a result, and my urge to choose local cafes over said chain was heard by all; as every cafe in town was packed. Am I the asshole for publishing the mal practices in that store? I had made management aware of the issues and I was met “we don’t do that here” or “it’s easier for us” but I feel guilty for potentially ruining a stores future in our small town.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 15,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
e1ufYlRyWhmEySBEBWzaABg3IAbIqpHZ
|
b5vftk
|
{
"description": "feeling like my girlfriend and mother crossed a boundary",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for feeling like my girlfriend and mother crossed a boundary?
|
Sorry for any mistakes, I'm on my phone and not a native English speaker. Also sorry if some information is irrelevant.
The case is, I have high-functioning autism. However, it's on the border of not being autism, so nobody except my really close family and girlfriend notice.
My mother really wishes to help me, and I've been to various forms of counsel, but this is a couple of years back.
I've always wanted to join the military, but the Danish Armed Forces won't allow people with autism. Therefore I've asked my doctor to do a reevaluation, as I've changed quite a lot during recent years.
Bringing all this back to AITA, my mother blames all the things I do differently than her on my autism, and she used to always mention it to strangers, but I got her to stop.
Today my girlfriend and I had a fight, because I thought she was being hypocritical. I was visibly upset, and I discovered my mom and girlfriend discussing my autism, especially relating to our fight. I just can't help but feel like a test subject, where everything I do is autistic. However, I totally understand my girlfriend's desire to know more about my case, and I'm grateful for it. I just really hate my diagnosis, because it's in the way for all of my dreams, so I'd just like it buried and hopefully gone after the reevaluation.
So, AITA for feeling like my GF and mom overstepped a boundary?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
18jIhE4v0ZKHi4H03WuoiNGvZjV87pIp
|
abnoad
|
{
"description": "not paying for things I'm not going to receive",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for not paying for things I'm not going to receive?
|
**Hoo boy, this is a long one.**
Around the end of September time, my girlfriend and I wanted a dog. My Dad told me that his friend was breeding Shar Pei puppies.
We went to the breeder, asked him how much he would want for one of the puppies. He said £800. I said £800 was a bit too much to give all at once with it being so close to Christmas time and he ensured me that I could pay £200 a month until I pay £800.
About a month or so into it, my Dad says to me that I should be paying for KC registered papers for the dog. I had no idea about them. I thought they were for breeding the dog, where I had no interest. The breeder said to me that I'm going to receive the papers once he receives payment in full.
I asked the breeder about microchipping and injections for the dog and he said to me that I am to pay for it and he will take it from the final bill. It ended up costing £50 and the breeder put the bill for the dog down to £750.
The dog ended up having a case of Shar Pei fever where his legs swelled and he had a high temperature.
We ended up paying £65 from my own pocket for him to get better with antibiotics. I told the breeder the next day about it and he told me that he's had no problems with the mother and I'm probably just overreacting.
A week before Christmas, the dog had an eye infection. I understand his breed is prone to a lot of medical problems and I told the breeder about it and tried to get some information and help on what needed to be done. He told me that I'm being a hypochondriac and I should stop worrying. I got frustrated. We purchased pet insurance for the dog and we bought some eye drops. He's much better.
I noticed in my January pay that I got underpaid from work by a lot. I thought it would be the right thing to do to tell the breeder that I will be short this month.
I have to pay £250 more and the dog is paid off. I wanted to give him something rather than nothing.
>Hey mate. Would it be possible for me to pay you £50 this month then £200 next month? Things are really tight for me just after Christmas. I know it's a bit inconvenient but next month I will be able to give you £200. Thanks.
He said
> I was relying on that money, to be honest. £50 is no good to me. Can you sort something out?
I explained that I can't ask family or friends for £150 after Christmas, no one has any money.
> So you're telling me that I have to wait until February to get paid? That's not my problem, to be honest. I have kids to feed.
He texts me back two minutes after that.
> Just try and sort something out. It is what it is, no worries.
___________
The next day, my uncle facetimes me from another city and asks to see the dog and how his eyes are doing. I show him.
> Looks a lot better than they used to. Say, have you got papers for this dog?
It didn't cross my mind to be honest, I forgot all about it.
> No, I don't, really. The breeder said that he wants the money first then he can have the papers.
My Uncle laughed for 5 straight minutes.
> You're meant to get the papers from him FIRST. He's meant to give you them.
I explained that I offered the breeder £50 but he doesn't want the money and that he wants £200.
> Don't give him another penny until you get those papers. I'm fucking serious. He's bullying you. Go see what your Dad thinks about it because he's a friend of his.
I call my Dad and explain the same thing to him that I told my uncle.
> Yeah, don't give him a fucking penny. If he keeps bullying you, I will sort him out. You obviously don't have the money so I will pay it for you. I won't pay him until I get those papers though. They're really important. Text the breeder and tell him that you've passed the debt onto me.
I text the breeder telling him not to talk to me anymore but to talk to my Dad, my £50 isn't good enough but my Dad is willing to pay the full £250 on receipt of the papers for the dog.
The breeder texts me back
> Are you fucking with me? There's fucking no need to get your Dad involved about the fucking dog. It's been me and you. You're a fucking grown man. You can deal with this yourself. There's no point in threatening me with your Dad because I'm not fucking scared of him.
My Dad calls him afterwards. After some back and forth, he said
> Keep the fucking £250 but you're not having the papers for the dog. Happy New Year.
I thought okay, case closed. I keep the dog, the £250, no papers but no worries.
___________
Next day, I go to the shop for some milk and bread. Come back towards by front gate and I see the breeder walking towards me aggressively. I drop my shopping on the floor.
> Yo, I want my fucking money now! £200 I want or I'm taking the dog back! You're taking food from my kids mouths!
I said that I told him last night that he can have the money if I have the papers for the dog from him.
> You're being a cunt! I want the fucking money as agreed and you will get the papers once I get the £250 off you! I'm taking the dog back otherwise and I'll give you £200 a month for it!
I said that you're blowing this out of proportion and I said he can have the money, in full, if I have the papers from him.
I want to keep the dog.
He starts walking away from me, I follow him
> You're such a cunt just like your old man! You've got a day to make up £200 or I'm fucking having the dog back from you!
I asked him if we could talk like adults and if he could stop walking away while I'm trying to speak to him, I would appreciate it.
I follow him all the way home, he lives like two streets away from me.
His girlfriend comes out of the house.
> Look, we just want the money for the dog and you will have the papers. We shouldn't have given you the dog in the first place because honestly, you're causing the most grief for us both. There's no need to get your Dad involved.
I tried to explain to her that I didn't have the money and my Dad offered to pay for it but she kept on talking over me, she wouldn't let me speak.
She gave me a piece of paper, saying it's the fathers papers but when I go to read it, she snatches it back off of me.
> Just keep the dog, we're not getting £250 and you're not getting the papers so..
She slammed the door.
Told my Dad what happened. He sent the breeder a text saying that if he comes up with the papers by Friday, he'll have his £250. No reply.
**AM I THE ASSHOLE?**
_______
**TL;DR - Purchased dog from breeder in instalments. I want everything that comes with the dog. He's threatening me because I can't pay and when I get someone else to give the money, he doesn't want it and he doesn't give me what comes with the dog.**
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
QH4AZP5VyZXfurAnSFBl2F2pHEfrNpoM
|
b0ozbq
|
{
"description": "tolerating my husbands childishness",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for tolerating my husbands childishness?
|
Yesterday evening my husband did a home work out and asked me to make his protein shake. He asked me to make it in a beer mug. Let’s take note, I was working on something at that time. I still got up and made it and made it in his work out mug , not a beer mug. He got pissed at that. And then he opened it and spilt it everywhere. He got even more mad and stormed off banging shit. I cleaned up that horrific mess. Why I was doing so he came back and said next time I say beer mug it better be a fucking beer mug. And I told him to do it himself if he has such problems and he told me to fuck off and I told him he’s an asshole and since then he’s been ignoring me. It’s been a day and a half and he has not spoken a word. I asked him a couple of times but he just told me to go away. I literally don’t even know what to do anymore. I’ve just been here. I’d like to add that my period started this morning and I’ve been really patient but what on earth are you supposed to do when your husband literally ignores your existence? Am I the asshole for just staying silent or what...
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
PmkCA6H3KlBEylmk1Ru5ZVnL6IcsIU30
|
b1gkel
|
{
"description": "telling my girlfriend that I take more moral guidance from this subreddit than I do from her",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for telling my girlfriend that I take more moral guidance from this subreddit than I do from her?
|
I (17m) just told my gf (18f) about an argument I had with my mom about vaccines. She has turned anti-vax after her friend showed her this fb group that she trusts now over hundreds of years of research.
Gf told me that she understands but I must respect my mother's opinion I then told her that she's wrong I said reddit would think you (Gf) were the asshole because I've seen so many posts about anti-vax and they never side with the anti-vaxxer so why is she defending my mom. She said it's ridiculous that I'm saying I trust reddit more than her for moral guidance? I said something along the lines of "well of course I do". She then put phone down and isn't replying to my texts trying to explain what I said, obviously I’m not going to lie to her that a democracy of people on Reddit doesn’t have better morals than her. I texted a mutual friend who’s a girl and she thinks I’m in the wrong, but dunno what to think about that as I dunno what she thinks about vaccines. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
GfbjldRoZV9sjVuOHWAHGxvNcUte3FeO
|
a2xcp2
|
{
"description": "asking GF to loose weight",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA: For Asking GF to loose weight?
|
So I've been with my gf for 4 years. When we first began dating she was pretty slim. Now my issue is not really the weight, but the lifestyle that comes with it. She tends to not do much on her time off work. Now she does work a lot but her work isn't always physical. I sometimes bring it up and she tends to get mad and makes it seem like im the worst bf for even asking. My questions are, am I wrong for asking her to loose weight and changing her lifestyle? Am I wrong for feeling as if im not worth impressing? In the sense, that my friends gf worry about how they look for their partner and I don't get a partner that cares about her image or enough to even dress up etc to impress me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
p57dUXC9HWkIAxKWI0TGZBzarmMpGALS
|
an7c80
|
{
"description": "letting my depressed friend spend Valentine's day alone",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for letting my depressed friend spend Valentine’s Day alone ?
|
This year all but one of my friends will have a date for Valentine’s Day. This friend always gets depressed around the holidays because he doesn’t have a girlfriend to spend them with. He texted us basically pleading with us to hangout with him and not let him spend Valentine’s Day alone. I’ve already made plans with my girlfriend and I feel it’s not fair to her for me to cancel. He wants to go to a singles mixer that’s being hosted on Valentine’s Day and talk to girls and due to his social anxiety he can’t do it without someone being there with him. Now me being seen at a singles mixer when I have a girlfriend is bad enough but even if we go with him he’s probably going to leave disappointed. His argument is that we can go out with our girlfriends whenever we want but he only has one day to attend the mixer. We told him we’re happy to hang out any time as long as we don’t have plans but he pointed out that we always have plans when he needs us most, during holidays. We saw him at school today and he began to tear up when he heard an announcement about the mixer.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
4NpWrYRrS2LzvNZbtjPrsotg3EkRwKYV
|
adq2sh
|
{
"description": "stopping talking to a girl when she was depressed because it was making me depressed",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for stopping talking to a girl when she was depressed because it was making me depressed.
|
Bit of Backstory here, this random girl who I had never met before got given my snapchat by some people I had met on a drunken night out. Anyway, I have never been one to just ignore people who seem genuine and nice so I thought that I would go along with it and initiation conversation with the girl. We spoke quite a lot for the next few weeks, up until the start of december. When I noticed a change of tone from her.
​
She started replying less, she seemed less chirpy, she was very cryptic about her past expereinces, and whilst i tried to help as much as I could, she would never get further than just telling me "It doesn't matter, Its only me" or "I'm not worth your time." and while I kept on trying because the way I am is to put the welfare of others before myself.
​
I have previously had mental health issues and have been working through depression to a point where I feel comfortable in myself after a 4 year battle, but every day now this girl is constantly trying to make me feel bad, and then apologising and saying shit like "I'm sorry I can't be better" or "I'll try get better again."
​
I am not the sort of person to give up on anyone, however this has pushed me to my limit, I feel like the girl wants more than just a friendship (which she has admitted to me on multiple occasions) and this may be a ploy to get me to stay. I feel like im being made to feel bad for putting my own mental health and self worth first. I have told myself this year, that I need to stop letting people walk all over me, and take my own initiative and know when enough is enough. I know she may be in need of support, but I have directed her to where she can get the proper support. I just left because I dont want to go back, considering how far I've come.
​
Thanks Guys
​
Note: My first ever post to reddit so I apologise if I did something wrong! and apologies for any grammatical errors.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
euhWnaP3bdvbrU1SdZSYDBVhuc21lVu7
|
aqxk5u
|
{
"description": "getting mad at a doctor for removing me from the waiting list twice",
"pronormative_score": 71,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad at a doctor for removing me from the waiting list twice?
|
I am an 18 year old male with severe sleep apnea. I recently found out why it took over 10 months to get my sleep apnea tests done. (I have almost two minute breathing pauses)
Apparently this one doctor removed me twice from the waiting list because i was 17 at the time and no 17 year old can have sleep apnea according to this doctor.
I got really pissed off when i found this out, my mother tried to calm me down and said that i should not be angry at the doctor for doing his job.
Everyone around me says that i shouldnt be mad because of this shit.
Sorry for bad english
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 70,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 71,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
8bu1HgYnJMYMXnNTzeUznIaecp0XgfpP
|
b2me4r
|
{
"description": "not wanting a brand new car",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting a brand new car?
|
Let me start by saying I realize how ridiculous this is and I know I am going to catch a lot of flak about it. I feel trapped though.
I need a different car. My old one is falling apart. I likely need my father to cosign with me. I am okay with this because it gives me the chance to prove myself to both creditors and my parents.
My father is dead-set on a new car. I am uncomfortable with a new car for many reasons and my attempts to explain to him why have gone the opposite direction I intended. By opposite, I mean that this has slowly gone from helping with the down payment and cosigning on a cheap base model, to my father calling this morning and all but begging me to let them pay for a new Honda Insight.
He went and got preapproval and everything. He says all I have to do is pay the insurance. He says they WANT me to have a new car, over and over and over. He says they want me to be safe and that I wanted a hybrid. If I have this new car they wont have to worry about me commuting every day to and from work.
_____________________________________________________
**Some Context:**
I am a 28 year old, only child of retired parents well into their 70s (yes, your math is right, lets not get into why I exist, it’s a whole thing…). My mother likely has dementia and is so stubborn she will probably die before being diagnosed with something. They don't go on vacation. They don't have hobbies. Their excitement is feeding the deer, turkeys birds etc. in their yard.
A while back I spent a whole day making an excel sheet to help us talk about what the best decision is financially when factoring in things like used vs new, expected repair costs, and fuel mileage etc. I was proud of this and sure it would help us see eye to eye. It seems like this only had the effect of making it seem like money is tight for me. Its not.
_____________________________________________________
**I get the impression that my choices here are:**
1. Let my parents basically buy me a brand new car (or half of one at least) so they can be happy. Have to look the salespeople in the eye and somehow not feel like a shmuck.
2. Make my father disappointed and my mother confused (realistically, she has dementia, confused is her natural state now) when I say NO and tell them about how this whole thing is making me feel (guilty, overprivileged, terrified, pressured, etc.)
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
uvv9wJ7SWWhyq34SRB1hSd6d8pQW8mfo
|
a9r51j
|
{
"description": "still being angry at my mom",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for still being angry at my mom?
|
So my mom and I have a... complicated relationship. When I was a kid I was her favorite child and it was pretty obvious. We would watch Gilmore girls together, she loved to take me shopping with her, she called me her “mini-me”, and never failed to point out how we were exactly alike.
As I grew up, I became my own person and got into different things, which seemed to bum her out a bit, especially since she had emphasized our closeness for years. But things got worse when I came out as trans to her, and this is where our relationship really started to fall apart. She told me I was “becoming a new person” and was resistant to any steps towards my social or physical transition. She fluctuated from seeming angry/uncomfortable with it to totally ignoring it and pretending it wasn’t happening. I won’t get into it all, but there are some especially painful things she said/did that are seared into my memory. And this was during a time where I was actually starting to feel like myself for the very first time. Of course I know it could have been much worse, and I’m lucky I live in a time and place where I was comfortable enough to come out, but it still hurt a lot.
Then in my senior year of high school she moved 5 hours away to live with my stepdad. They got married the year before and had been together for 8 years, and the reason she didn’t move in with him sooner was because I was still in high school and she didn’t want to make me move (although she did hold this fact against me at any opportunity.) Their relationship is... strained. It always has been, and I’ve noticed that for the most part she’s focused on appeasing him even if that ends up hurting my brother and me.
After she left, my brother (20 at the time) and I (barely 18) were alone in the house we grew up in, taking care of ourselves and our pets (2 dogs, 3 cats). My brother and I both have anxiety and depression, and his is more severe than mine. We struggled to keep the place clean (a common problem with depression) and it only got worse when I moved into my dorm for college. This started causing problems between us and our mom because our stepdad still needed a place to stay when he was in town for work. And I’ll be honest- the place was gross. But instead of finding new solutions she doubled down on criticizing my brother who she saw as responsible for it, which only worsened his depression and anxiety.
As time went on my mom and I grew more and more distant. It became easier for me to just avoid contact with her rather than risk her being hurtful.
Then this year she started seeing a therapist and decided she wanted to fix our relationship. I was pretty cautious and honestly didn’t think it would be worth it. Any time in the past I had brought up how she had hurt me, she would say “I didn’t do that” or “You’re making me the bad guy” instead of actually acknowledging the fact that she had hurt me. Which is how the start of our conversation went until I told her I wouldn’t talk to her at all until she agreed to listen to me. I was at a point where I was tired of being gaslit and blamed, and ready to give up any relationship with her to stop it.
To her credit, she did listen and I do think she’s trying harder to listen and respect my brother and me. She’s also working on getting my pronouns and name right, and seems to be more accepting of my transition.
I genuinely want to forgive her. But I’m still angry that she put us in that situation and just left (leaving me with some serious commitment and abandonment issues), I’m angry that there’s been a pattern over the past 5 years of her putting her husband before her kids, and I’m angry that she doesn’t seem to understand how deep our damage is. I’m trying to let these things go and rebuild my relationship with her because I do think she’s trying to change, but it’s hard. I just don’t know how to get rid of this anger towards her.
TL;DR: AITA for still being angry at my mother for several years of problems between us, even after she’s apologized?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
mUrpWWh2oqiSuPFTjlAo3T3JNcgrSXyJ
|
afxjnd
|
{
"description": "pulling a \"if you loved me you'd [blank]\"",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA If I Pulled a "If you loved me you'd [blank]"
|
I know, upon reading the title, the answer would be that yes, I'm the asshole, but let me explain.
TLDR: A very close friend of mine, who has said they love me, and would want to date in the future, consistently ghosts me when she's back in town and makes little effort to communicate or hang out. I want to say "If you actually loved me you'd make an effort". At the same time I realize this'll come off as manipulative but I feel I need to make a point.
After highschool, this girl and I (who I've been friends with and very close to since childhood) kissed and made up for a strained friendship over the past few years. Basically, I love her, and she loves me too, though both of us have had bad experiences with long distance relationships, so while we're going to college, we wouldn't be dating. (Three hours is a while to drive, especially for two people who's love language is based on physical touch.)
To me, this is a fine arrangement, it's not the issue here. I was willing to wait to date her. She said that while we were home on our respective breaks, we'd hang out a lot and have a good time when we can.
This winter break, we were talking a bit before she got back, and made plans to meet a bit after Christmas. Those didn't pan out, her father made last minute plans for the morning of. That's fine, her dad can be like that sometimes. What the problem was, was that I was reaching out and trying to make new plans, but I got no response back for a week or so. New years rolls around, and, while she had a party to go to, she said she'd stop by to see me for a bit.
Similar story. She messed up her time management and couldn't see me, and showed up late to the party she was going to. (It was a small gathering with a few mutual friends. I'm not exactly the closest with them so I understood not being invited. It's not a big deal.)
Little communication for 2 weeks, before I made plans with her to go see a show in a neighboring town. She said she could meet at 2, and we could hang around until 6, when we'd have to leave for the show. Well, she wakes up late, says she has a lot of work to do (which she did), and ends up showing up around 5. I give her her Christmas present, and we catch up a bit, before going to the show.
I could tell something was off, she didn't seem like she wanted to be intimate or close. Which, is also okay, I'm going to respect her boundaries. Another friend was the stage manager for this show, and even though I'd seen her around 2 weeks before, she seemed so much more excited to see me.
I'm upset, to say the least. I had sent her a few messages communicating this (I feel kinda unloved, we should communicate better, etc), but they haven't been talked about. I want to say that "Hey, I'm feeling pretty unimportant in your eyes, and I feel if you actually loved me, you'd try to communicate, reach out, and make things work", or something among those lines.
At the same time though that seems like a *horrendously manipulative* idea. I'm not a "nice guy", and I'd feel horrible for doing it. She's a fragile person, and isn't the best at communicating or following through in the first place, but I've been really patient for a long time and I don't like feeling burned over and over again.
Would I be the asshole if I said that? What would be a better wording, because I *know* this is very problematic.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
SbU9iwx3neXqkfOy0Bgh4d4Ls2qHd3ff
|
b4cn6m
|
{
"description": "going to the resident manager because my housemate's girlfriend keeps smoking weed in the apartment",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for going to the resident manager because my housemate's girlfriend keeps smoking weed in the apartment?
|
Firstly, I normally wouldn't have an issue with it but there are certain circumstances this time. Also worth noting, smoking is prohibited in and at my apartment complex.
​
It's finals week right now and I had my last final today that happened to be for the class I've been struggling in all quarter. All of my housemates knew about this final as well. This morning, I woke up to a really strong smell of weed. I knew it was the smell of weed because my body reacts very negatively towards it i.e. I get extremely nauseous and a pounding headache. This happened right before (half an hour) my final.
​
I knew which housemate it was coming from because the smell was coming from her room. Earlier this school year, she told me that her girlfriend smokes weed for health reasons, but said she would never do it in the apartment, only in her car or outside. She has done it 4-5 times inside now since January, and each time I just left for a while. This housemate, however, has known for a while how my body reacts to the smell. I slightly confronted her by asking if she knew why our apartment smelled of weed, and she immediately got defensive saying she doesn't smoke weed. I never insinuated that she did; merely just wanted to know if she knew who was smoking it or if anyone cooked something that resembles the smell.
​
The nausea and headache affected my performance on the final today as I was unable to focus as much as I wanted to. I messaged the group chat of my housemates, excluding the suspected housemate because she doesn't want another housemate having her number, and stated that it smells of weed in our apartment and that I would really appreciate it if whoever it was smoking it would refrain from doing it inside our apartment as it makes me physically ill. No one acknowledged it so I emailed the resident manager, who deals with apartment issues. I didn't ask him to confront the housemates, I didn't even state who I thought was doing it. I just stated the situation, how it affects me, and asked if he knew how I should personally handle the situation (callback to the strict no-smoking policy). When I told my parents what I did, they freaked out and said I was being a complete asshole and that I should've just ignored it and let it go.
​
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
T9wAJn7hDGVLeeriQ0AfhjNh8TUOPpsA
|
auztah
|
{
"description": "not wanting to babysit my ucle's dog",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to babysit my ucle's dog?
|
So, I have a female Yorkshire, she's an old bitter. She doesn't like kids, she doesn't like other dogs, but she's pretty laid back, she's cuddly and cute.
My uncle also has an Yorkshire, a male young one. He's super fun and cute. But my dog absolutely hates him. He runs and chasses her around all day, she gets really stressed out, and she's old, so this upsests me.
And it's normal, he's young, he wants to play, but she considers him a threat, she's cornerd every time he comes to the house. She goes to the couch, or under my bed and stays there all day, hiding from him.
Don't get me wrong, I like my uncle's dog. .. But my uncle wants to leave him at my house during the day, so he's not alone in the apartment while he works. And this shouldn't be a problem... But it's really upsetting the way my little dog gets all the time his dog is around... It's sad for her...
Am I the Asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 6,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
uLWp7bySfgyx5wGg5rAvylsmxzUSAF4N
|
any7q8
| null |
AITA?
|
There will be a TLDR at the end.
Today when my girlfriend got home with my car I moved it to the garage like I always do when freezing rain is in the forecast. My neighbors are another young couple (20-24) and up to this point have been really cool with us and talked to us to try to resolve issues before going to the landlord or police. I wasn't trying to make my car backfire. (It's a RX8) when I was putting it in the garage I accidentally did something maybe to much clutch when shifting out of neutral and it back fired. I quickly shit it off once it was in the garage cause it has the type of idle that's just loud enough to be annoying and be heard through the type of walls the houses in the neighborhood have. I immediately went to knock on their door to apologize and try to explain myself but before I could even knock the wife was out on the porch cursing me out claiming that I did it intentionally knowing they have a newborn that needs it's sleep. She wasn't letting my explain myself so I told her she was being a cunt and went inside my own house after locking the garage. When the landlord called me about it I explained what had happened and told him about how the smoke weed in the house when the lease clearly says no smoking in general. Let alone weed Wich is illegal in this state.
TLDR: my car accidentally backfired when putting it in the garage tonight, went to apologize to my neighbors the wife cursed me out and reported it to the landlord when the landlord called I explained myself and told him about how they are violating the no smoking rule by smoking weed inside of the house they are renting.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
diLfpA6dEcbfNGnVOENsALfZthO1j9L7
|
apmnuy
|
{
"description": "not telling my aunt that her husband have a second family in another country",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not telling my aunt that her husband have a second family in another country
|
The situation is a bit more complicated, sorry in advance for my English as it is not my first language.
I’m currently living with my aunt and uncle. My aunt is a very sweet and genuine person, I think of her as my second mom because she took care of me and letting me live with her without paying rent (I’m studying abroad). My uncle on the other hand, has been hiding from my aunt the fact that he have a second family somewhere in another country (Where I’m from) and possibly having two other kids. I found this out through my mom, she told me that my uncle’s entire family side knew about this and they aren’t telling my aunt about this. I asked my mom why won’t anyone tell my aunt, my mom expressed that she REALLY want to, but at the same time she said that my uncle needs to be the one telling the truth.
I feel bad every day knowing this information but I can’t bring myself to tell my aunt and possibly sabotage the marriage. Both aunt and uncle has been nice and letting me live with them without asking much from me, so I’m very torn.
Any advice and questions please do let me know! Thank you.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
LTIVQcttZsPRO1h3H8LNKr9nuS7ASkyY
|
a528bx
|
{
"description": "wanting to put Poo-Pourri in my dad's Christmas stocking this year",
"pronormative_score": 28,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA if I want to put Poo-Pourri in my dad’s Christmas stocking this year?
|
Pretty self explanatory. My dad absolutely destroys the bathroom on a regular basis, causing it to emanate through the rest of the house. It’s beyond nauseating and, if guests are over, embarrassing. Well, dad being dad, thinks this is absolutely hilarious. And, since he has no sense of smell, adamantly refuses to use any sort of toilet spray to help the rest of our noses get some relief.
Pretty fed up with this being a regular thing, I suggested to my mom that we invest in some spray for dad for Christmas and insist that he show us the respect of using it. Mom, inevitably, thinks this an asshole move. So, AITA?
P.S. I already got him a nice gift that we thought he’d enjoy. This wouldn’t be the only thing ending up in his stocking, don’t worry.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 28,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 28,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
0D7mGzrarg6m9mGo61cCmZsKeeV9WT1K
|
ao180c
|
{
"description": "giving my roommate a curfew",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA For giving my roommate a curfew?
|
I’m a freshman in college and I have one roommate and we share one room. We are friendly but each have our own friend groups and interests. We are both night owls but I guess I’m a little different because I don’t stay out late or come back to the room later than 11/12 on weekdays. On the other hand, she will sometimes comes back to the room at 3 or 4 in the morning when we both have class the next morning. Whenever she comes into the room that late and starts shifting around and turning on lights etc., it wakes me up. Every time. Sometimes I stay up a little later and wait for her to get back before I go to sleep just so I don’t have to wake up and try to fall back asleep again. Other times, I just can’t wait and I go to sleep just to inevitably be woken up hours later by her entering the room. If it were a Friday or Saturday night, I wouldn’t mind but it’s every day of the week. I finally couldn’t take it anymore and told her my issue and asked her to not stay out later than 12-1 on weekdays and that if she needed to stay up late doing work or whatever it is she does, she could do it in the room. She says that she is trying to be as quiet as possible and then got an attitude with me for trying to give her a curfew. She continues to stay out late and now, it seems she isn’t even trying to be respectful of the fact that I am trying to sleep. AITA for asking her not to stay out late? And WIBTA if I brought the issue to my RA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 5,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
3819D9SjT2CxOWRu72cbVsDGWXBTehUg
|
apja2t
|
{
"description": "giving my so a marriage ultimatum",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for giving my SO a marriage ultimatum?
|
First time poster.... let me know if I mess something up.
I'll try to make a long story as short as possible, but I've been told I can't tell a short story.
So my SO (42M) and I (41F) were high school sweethearts that broke up, married other people, got divorced, and rekindled our relationship. There was a 15 year gap, and we both have children with our prior spouses. We reconnected over social media and our relationship was long distance for the first 2 years as we lived in different states. Eventually, he moved to the town I lived in, but we didn't live together (his choice). We were talking about marriage and having more kids together when he moved, but we were trying to "do things in the right order" and set an example for my children who were 5 and 7 at the time.
At some point we decided to get married, and we planned a small formal wedding. This is where the trouble started for me. SO starts dropping the ball on every wedding related task he offers to do. Such as contacting an officiant. His mother is very involved in her church, and she is able to perform ceremonies legally. However, he didn't want to ask his mother so that she could enjoy the day.... but he couldn't seem to get ahold of anyone else that his mother knew. This went on for months. Eventually I googled officiants in our area and called around until I found someone... a week before the wedding. This is one example of a pattern that started. He would volunteer to do a wedding task, and then give lots of reasons why he couldn't do it until I took it over.
The last item on our list was to get the marriage license. In my state it's a 3 day wait, and we applied a week in advance. He went to pick it up without me, so I don't know exactly what was said, but SO says he was told we couldn't get a license. The reason according to SO was that his ex wife had sealed the divorce papers and there would have to be a court hearing in his previous state to request a copy and prove the divorce was finalized.
At this point I've paid for the entire wedding and the whole family is coming. I have been preparing my children for this day for months. I didn't feel that calling it off was an option. I also discovered on the day before the wedding that I am pregnant. And since the whole point of a formal wedding is to set a good example for the kids, now I'm really stuck. So, we have a sham wedding. Everything looks official, but no legal documents signed.
SO tells me he will fix this quickly, however it takes over a year to get his divorce paperwork. In the meantime, I awkwardly explain to people why I kept my ex husband's last name. He never does tell me when he finally gets the paperwork. It just happened to be a topic I bring up in an arguement a month or so after he get them. They are currently in his mother's safe deposit box.
It's now been 6 years and we have 2 kids together. He never brings it up, and the times that I mention it he says "yeah.... I got to fix that one of these days".... Pretty much the same thing he says about the leaky bathroom faucet.
So.... I'm getting the message that he doesn't really care about being married, but I do. And at first, he was the one who didn't want to move in until we were officially married. WIBTA if I gave him a deadline? Have I waited so long that its ridiculous to complain now?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
wv7OmGSD0S5KeyqWNHRVzjjjUlQ2oBFr
|
al8e37
|
{
"description": "going back for a second round of revenge",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for going back for a second round of revenge?
|
I’m going to preface this by saying it’s not something I’ve done yet, but something I am considering doing.
I met this fellow a few years ago. I’m going to call him Dave. Dave was a friend of a friend but eventually become a close enough friend of mine. I got a girlfriend. She cheated on me with him, and I found that out after I broke up with her for unrelated reasons. A few months later, he falsely told multiple people that i had been lying about something relatively major, that could have destroyed my friendships with them, but thankfully did not.
January of last year, I found out that this man, a 19 year old, had been describing sexual acts and saying sexual things to a 14 year old girl and a 15 year old girl. He also befriended a very emotional person with the intention of manipulating them for sex.
I told Dave’s two friends, two more underage girls, about this, and they stopped talking to him as well. I told Dave to stop hanging out with us, to stop going to our usual hang out spots, and to delete his social media’s. He agreed.
Dave now has a girlfriend. Dave now goes back to our usual hangout areas. I have intentions of telling Dave’s girlfriend about his incredibly questionable activities.
AITA? Or should I let it be?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
7OWzbViglOU1ybFZZbxtFaY3WqkxOMIg
|
aaizxe
|
{
"description": "being pissed that my ex is dating my friend",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for being pissed that my ex is dating my friend?
|
So around 2 weeks ago my girlfriend of nearly 3 years broke up with me. When we broke up she told me that she wanted to be alone because were going off to college next year. I accepted the breakup and tried to be friends with her, sitting next to her in class and talking to her in only that class.
Around a week ago I get a text from a good friend of mine, one that I probably hang out with once a month outside of class and is also friends with my other good friends. He texts me that he is, “talking to my ex and does not know where this would end up”. At first I was totally cool with this as I knew they were friends and I was actually kinda happy that he would tell me this. However, word came out that they were hanging out more and more and then they officially started dating a few days ago (2 weeks after I broke up with her). I just felt so hurt in all of this and couldn’t help but feel so angry at both of them.
My other friends and I talked about this and they agreed that it was a super shitty thing to do and that we no longer wanted to hang out with the one who is now dating my ex.
So just recently I texted my ex because I needed something back and I confronted her on what she did (I know this probably wasn’t the right thing to do but I wanted to hear her side). She admitted that the real reason that she broke up with me was that she no longer loved me, not that she liked anyone else or wanted to be alone for college. The only real apology was for not telling the “real” truth about why we broke up. When she talked about dating my friend she said that she no longer had to care about my feelings and that it was her life.
Am I the asshole for being furious at both my friend and my ex?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
F74NoAyHRX6NXCtKblrgVucFiNd7Yk2S
|
b3sqzg
|
{
"description": "treating my GF the same way she treats me",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA: For Treating My GF The Same Way She Treats Me?
|
Background:
I had to deploy recently for a month to a place that is a 15 hour difference in time from my home station. I am AD military Air force. The place they sent me was a big waste of time and all around stressful. To make a long story short, while i was deployed three times I had to tell my GF off due to her being selfish or saying things she shouldn't say.
1. She blatantly try to say I chose to get deployed, when that was false
2. She drove my car without telling me, when I told her to just turn it on(NOT drive it) 1-2times a week.
3. She got mad, that I did not tell her about a movie I was forced to go to as a Unit morale event were i was deployed. So she posted on her SC a bunch of quotes(She has a history of posting relationship issues, on social media and she constantly says she is going to stop doing that because she knows it annoys me and I don't like it)
So now that I am back in the states and trying to recover from the 15hour flights and being back in my regular timezone, i have been trying to relax and be stress free. We were all good and having fun because we missed each other so much, but then she goes back into her ways. A few days ago we were having a normal conversation on SC, but she tells me she has to show me something. It ends up being a post by her friend who is in the military and was cheated on by her husband. Now this obviously has an affect on my GF who begins a 180 turn in the conversation and just starts being a "man hater" and just going in on me. So instead of arguing back with her, i try to calm her down and talk to her and ask what is wrong. After she calmed down she tried to blame it on work being stressful, but i could tell this was a lie because she would've told me that a long time ago in the week. So keep in mind she never apologizes for her outburst. Later in the week I end up doing an outburst on her for saying I was going on a date, when this was false. She told me I needed to apologize and that I was wrong for my outburst. So for me, I did not want to apologize because she still did not apologize herself and has been doing things to add to my stress.
Am I the asshole for my outburst?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 7,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
WRONG
|
UYqbB5534Ank09Yp03zwPrH1Wn37yeij
|
axo3x5
|
{
"description": "telling my coworker it's unhealthy to be fat",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 17
}
|
AITA For telling my coworker it’s unhealthy to be fat?
|
For context I’m a web developer who sits across from a Database developer. We work remotely a lot but today we were both in the office.
In November I was 5’10 at almost 300lbs. I started fasting, then dieting, and a bit of exercise. Right now I’m 240lbs, so still overweight but I’ve lost 60 pounds.
I tell said Database Dev, she tells me she wish me she could lose weight. I told her that I started fasting Monday’s and that if she didn’t change anything but fasting Monday she’s probably lose weight.
She says “Yeah but I get hungry” and laugh. I said you could try drinking green tea or other natural appetite suppressants. She tells me she thinks not eating is unhealthy. I tell say “When people tell me that I say it’s also not healthy to be fat.” (Talking about myself) but her face completely changes and starts ignoring me. I feel bad.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 11,
"WRONG": 17
}
|
WRONG
|
02jtVcOoaOC0KHw84c27QhkaJ29JSiIG
|
9vcs0l
|
{
"description": "trying to keep family Hep c free",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for trying to keep family Hep C free?
|
Every family has that one member who isn't exactly there. My (half) sister-in-law is a selfish, manipulative, thieving, drug addict that has lived her life fast and loose and has a history of aggression and violence which has gotten her locked up several times. She has never provided anything good since I have been in the picture. Recently she has been diagnosed with chronic Hep C, and this is where the story begins.
The issue is, she is very clingy, she likes to hug and kiss on my daughter (5y), my daughter likes to lick people (weird right) on their arms and cheek. Sister-in-law is worried I won't let her show affection to my newborn (expected 11-22-18) and 5 yr old. **She is right**. For the past 24 hrs my wife and I have been arguing because her mother doesn't think it is okay to make her stay away because "family" and I am saying she will stay away until she is treated and viral load is below detectable. Am I the Asshole for telling her to stay away?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 12,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 12,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
dmJBFwLwlCtyHy61t0OaRcX0IdWmltqR
|
all6rd
|
{
"description": "not wanting to give up my parking space",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not wanting to give up my parking space?
|
Okay, so, this is currently happening, still trying to figure out what I’m going to do.
I live in a large apartment complex, and parking is a little scarce. I currently have a grade-A primo spot (right next to the building I live in). I prefer this spot, and the few around it, because I have an infant who comes with a lot of stuff to carry.
I walked out to my car for a food run, turned it on to start warming it, and went about selecting my music for the drive. Some guy comes up to my window, knocks on it, and asks when I intend to leave. I said, “I won’t be, I’m just making a few calls”.
Trouble is, I’m hungry. My partner is inside with the baby, I haven’t been out all day, and I’m HUNGRY. So. Do I leave, now that I’ve told the neighbour I wouldn’t be, losing my beautiful spot, or do I stay and be hungry? AITA for not wanting to lose my spot?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
u5V7Z1AxnI2zC5NzgaUsQZRi3O6LBItT
|
at7l7w
|
{
"description": "starting a fight after my brother told a woman our parents were away",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for starting a fight after my brother told a woman our parents were away?
|
Title, I've never posted anything here but. Me and my twin brother have just turned 18, but we're both on the small side. Our parents have gone away on a trip for a few days for their anniversary so it's just us in the house.
A woman we didn't recognize called to the door and asked if our parents were home to fill out a survey. My brother told her our parents were away and we were alone for a few days.
When she left, I got annoyed and told him never to tell someone we don't know were alone, and that someone could Rob us.
He got very defensive at that, and we had a huge fight. AITA?
Tl;dr brother told a survey woman we were alone in the house, I started a fight because I thought it was irresponsible and stupid.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
KbBJSy66BGLxvN2tDVWUin7hs79n4dc4
|
b5ij64
|
{
"description": "not letting it go",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For not letting it go?
|
This is going to have to have some explanation. Bear with me. Throwaway because he might find this.
Marked as NSFW because I'm not sure if mentioning nude art of someone is nsfw or not. Might be.
I've known this guy for years. He's been home-schooled most of his life and is slightly autistic, which have both combined into a lack of a filter, inability to read rooms, and poor social communication skills. His memory is also shit. We came together and bonded to become pretty good friends due to our friend group and common interests.
A while ago, he decided to pursue his dreams of being a more feminine guy. I supported it and wished him the best.
I had a girlfriend a while back. We're split, but good friends. He, at one point, drew her nude. It was an odd thing to do. I don't know the entire situation, but it was shitty to be told this by her. I talked to him about it and he denied he was trying to get with her. We all came to an understanding and I trusted him.
Months later,he was being increasingly lewd to my then-girlfriend and I think he drew something else of her. I talked to him about it and we again came to an understanding. Things were fine for a while afterwards. I trusted him again.
A while later, he was moving forward with his feminine guy process. But, he told then-GF that if her and I don't work out, then he'd basically be a girl with a dick, knowing she likes that, and to consider trying him out. I'm essentially quoting him with that statement. This came unprompted. I was absolutely livid. He defended himself by saying that he didn't mean it, and it felt weird as soon as he said it. He tried to take it back.
I laid into him for how shitty of a thing that was. We didn't come to an understanding. He couldn't remember the past two times after I brought them up because of his shitty memory. We resolved the situation eventually, sort of.
It's been years since that. Maybe two or three. We still talk nearly every day, and I fucking hate him most of the time. Other times, I feel conflicted. Sometimes, I feel fine around him. But, if I could choose, I wouldn't be his friend. But that would mean causing a huge rift in the friend group. I don't want to do that to them. Especially when I feel like I should have gotten over it by now.
I am genuinely mean to him. I know it's absolutely unfair and shitty to do. I can't help how I feel about him and I know I should control myself. But it's really damn difficult. I still haven't let it go. I've apologized to him multiple times for this.
I can't stop making connections to "being basically a girl with a dick" to who he is. These connections make it terrible to hear his voice. It's difficult to hear him laugh. And I feel like an absolute monster because of it.
I am afraid to talk to him again about this. Nothing he can say to me will change how I feel, as made evident by his attempt at apologizing after I tried to talk to him about this earlier.
Reddit, AITA? What the hell should I do?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
BM3pH40brJcN0RYU5RXYFZkxBTJexwJB
|
axzone
|
{
"description": "trying ruining this guys whole school future for stealing 60",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA If I tried ruining this guys whole school future for stealing 60+$
|
There’s lots of pointless information so that’s why I’m gonna keep this short
Guy in my class (he’s a junior I’m a senior (highschool) ) stole my wallet took all my money (nothing else) and hid it at the bottom
of a trash can in the boys restroom under all the paper towels. I have my suspicions on the culprit but am going to be looking at camera footage soon. If who I suspect did it I’m gonna corner him into confessing on tape (and try to get him to return the money). Doesn’t matter if money gets returned or not I’m gonna do everything in my power to have him kicked out of the school. (Our school takes stealing very seriously.) if my suspicions are right is this too far to go for only 60$ (he also owes me 30 I did a project for him) or would what I do make me a total asshole too??
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
PcaOE8veCJij0FmGKLQOVxfDbgy7zpU2
|
9ut8nu
|
{
"description": "not telling my girlfriend that I took days off work so I can relax and play video games",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for not telling my girlfriend that I took days off work so I can relax and play video games?
|
title
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
GYtXcjpyqhcotC2f47YKSkyW8OpfrvLf
|
arl8ml
|
{
"description": "not wanting to help my friend pay his ticket",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to help my friend pay his ticket?
|
Okay so my friends and i were coming home and it was 1am and he noticed there was a car behind us and started speeding and ran two stop signs and that car ended up behind a cop. The ticket ended up being 162 and he’s trying to make me and the 2 other friends that were there pay 30 and he is asking for money for people from our friend group who weren’t even there. I think it’s his fault and he should learn and tell his parents but i don’t wanna seem like an a-hole, me and the 2 other guys that were there think it’s dumb he’s trying to make us pay but i can’t decide. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 16,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 16,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ftr61q70XNOaTRD4ZxZW6m8uLMYg9r4C
|
an9fs5
|
{
"description": "confronting my professor about his mistake",
"pronormative_score": 27,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for confronting my professor about his mistake?
|
I am in graduate school. I was discussing the testing accommodations process with my professor. He sent me an email asking me to meet him after class to talk about it. When I got to class today, he said: “you were supposed to come before class” and sounded mad. I told him I must have misunderstood because I thought he said after. His response was, “No. Before.” I double checked his email to make sure I didn’t get it wrong, and sure enough, he said after.
Now at this point I could have just let it go and let him accuse me of missing my appointment, or I could defend myself. I chose the latter and I am wondering if I AITA for doing so. After class, I said that I really looked at his email and he did tell me to come after class. He said, “ah, so you want to argue with me?” I said, “I’m not trying to argue, I just don’t want to be accused of something I didn’t do (not showing up to a meeting with him.) At that, he picked up his stuff and stormed out of the room.
I am feeling really shitty about this. I feel like I shouldn’t have said anything since professors should have respect from their students, but I also felt it wasn’t fair that he was accusing me of missing a meeting with him before class when he clearly told me after class in the email. I don’t want to be blamed for something I didn’t do. So did I do the right thing not letting it go or AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 27,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 27,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
v5A8n6kzzm50kEXZXUO9MomHiFV7m1mp
|
b030np
|
{
"description": "using the school newspaper to promote my politics",
"pronormative_score": 11,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for using the school newspaper to promote my politics?
|
So recently a spot opened up for the politics section in my school's newspaper section. I'm a freshman, so when I joined newspaper at the beginning of the year, I was banished to the *food* section, where I was probably supposed to languish for 2 or 3 years. But one of the writers for the politics section moved schools, so I did everything in my power to be assigned her former position. My maneuvers worked, and I was assigned the position.
Now, you have to understand the 2 other writers for the politics section are pretty liberal, and their opinion pieces reflect that. I'm a libertarian with centrist views when it comes to social issues, so of course, my views will shine through in the opinion pieces I'm assigned.
I got assigned a few, nothing major, but strangely enough, my articles got an interesting reaction. I'll divide the reactions up into 3 categories:
1. The majority of people didn't care
2. Kids who are interested in politics read it, and people in those kind if groups started knowing who I am. I'd like to say it's because I'm a great writer, and incredibly convincing. But I think a big part of the attention is simple: the politics section has been all liberal for as long as anyone can remember, so something *more* conservative (although I wouldn't consider myself conservative per se) is a shock. So for better or worse, a lot of kids know my name. And at least most of them, even those who disagree, seem interested in discussing.
3. The two other writers got pissed at me and called me out for my views. Personally, I think it's less political and more personal: I was the new writer, I got in as a freshman, and I'm getting attention for my pieces, which didn't sit well with them. When they confronted me, I brought that up, but they swore up and down they just didn't like my political ideas. I just told them, the point of an opinion piece is an opinion, so what's your problem? They just kept asking me- including multiple times after the first incident- to stop writing my opinions.
Aita for refusing?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
KO3CsJXv5zHY6rgNk3MQVhigTBMMg87V
|
ao0za7
|
{
"description": "thinking my friend pee'd my bed",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA I think my friend pee'd my bed
|
So my good friend x and i both go to college together. It's the second semester and we're both apart of the same group of friends, he's also my favorite smoking buddy. I'd say we are pretty close.
x and i go out to smoke (x has been smoking me out because I'm pretty broke). We smoked two bowls and came back in. When we came back, my roommate was in bed, lights are off, but he's on his laptop watching videos. X and I jump on my bed and start watching videos on youtube. A lil time goes by and x says he has to go to the bathroom. X leaves to go to the bathroom and I rest my hand where he was sitting. It's soaking wet. I say, "Why the fuck is my bed wet". I go to turn on the light and there's a huge circle of wet right where x was sitting. I notice x has a water bottle and check to see if the bottle had leaked. I tilted it over and nothing comes out. I even shook it and no water came out. I then said out loud to, "I think x pee'd my bed". At this point, my roommate and i are laughing really hard. X came back from the bathroom and we told him why we were laughing so much. He got defensive and objected, saying it was the bottle that had leaked. I pressed him and asked why he didn't say anything and he said that he didn't notice.
Am I the asshole for accusing him of peeing my bed without asking him first or should he have just been honest?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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NOBODY
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|
RIGHT
|
n4Ixkid2RRnBf3jVqcSwNEULr9WCiCCD
|
b5f4va
|
{
"description": "going into a stall if other people are waiting, when those other people didn't check to see if the door was unlocked",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA if I went into a stall if other people are waiting, when those other people didn't check to see if the door was unlocked?
|
Long title, but that's basically the entirety of it. Our work bathroom has 4 stalls (3 reg, one handicapped). They actually have doors and no gaps, so if the door is closed, there's no way to visually determine if someone is in it. People will frequently leave the stall after using it and close the door behind it, which makes incoming users think it's occupied.
If I'm waiting in line for a stall and someone admits the doors are all closed, but they did not check (jiggling the handle or knocking), WIBTA if I opened one of the stalls and just....used it? Even if multiple people have been waiting before me?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
z4QB8Dlk8c9S3srktpjFXJE1BjOivmW9
|
ak0zzb
|
{
"description": "charging my school $9.51/hr (PHP500/hr cuz Philippines) for prom night's sound system",
"pronormative_score": 38,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for charging my school $9.51/hr (PHP500/hr cuz Philippines) for prom night's sound system?
|
So here's the context.
Our high school's Junior Student Council (JSC) came to me asking if I'd like to help them set up our school's 3rd prom night. Having the equipment (i.e speakers, mixer, cables, etc..), I said sure, but for a price.
JSC agreed to put the rate of $9.51/hr (PHP500/hr) for my equipment and I threw in free service into the deal in their proposal (as they're the ones assigned to make the event happen this year).
I also explained that they were paying for 1/55th of what the equipment orignally cost (basically $2091.15+ or PHP110,000+)
1 week later, I hear back from them.
Apparently, the school admins rejected the offer, saying that I "should be willing to do it for free".
AITA?
I‘d like some advice or insight on this as I‘m still relatively confused on what I should be doing/saying.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
OMOOKMQfcqZMzmckZ9KwS3bqhzp4VBXf
|
aa1jsj
|
{
"description": "telling my bestfriend's ex that they're now dating the person the ex wasn't supposed to worry about",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling my bestfriend’s ex that they’re now dating the person the ex wasn’t supposed to worry about?
|
There’s a lot more context to fit into that question though.
Let’s call the bestfriend C, new GF, L, and the ex J. C and L used to hook up and currently go to the same university. C and J had been hooking up for a while as well and eventually it became a relationship, albeit an open one where they could hook up with other people but had to be mindful of feelings out of respect for the other.
This relationship, in a matter of months, turned pretty quickly into a neglectful one from C’s side, ignoring J and not giving them the time of day for days or weeks even. J tried to approach everything the healthy way, advocating for communication, growth, to fix this before it was too far gone, unfortunately though, it already was.
Prior to that, I ended up meeting L, thought L was cute and asked C what the situation was there, having known they used to hook up but with no clue about anything beyond that. C told me they just used to hook up and now they’re friends, I asked C if it was okay if I pursued L and to resounding yes (I asked twice just to be certain I wasn’t crossing any boundaries). Great! Off to pursue L I go.
L and I eventually develop feelings for eachother, overlapping with the timeline of C being neglectful to J and evidently coming more and more to terms with their true feelings for L. It eventually comes to light from C telling me that they actually not only have feelings for L but that they’re in love with them. This threw me a curveball, didn’t see it coming, and it became an over-the-phone fight for about 3 hours between C and I where they detailed that they only originally said it was fine because they’ve felt as though I don’t respect them and I wouldn’t have listened to them even if they said it wasn’t fine to pursue L.
That call resulted in me basically saying “Forget all your friends, forget L, they’re blacklisted in my mind as far as our friendship goes because our friendship is more important than all of this” and we’d been fine since then.
Fast forward to this December, C and J have since broken up at long last while L and I have been speaking with more frequency again. Unbeknownst to me, so has C throughout this entire time that their relationship with J was on the decline. L spoke to me about everything implying that they had feelings for me, no longer C. After hanging out with J (we ARE friends after all) just yesterday, I decided to text L and ask exactly what the situation between them and C was. J and I put our timelines together and realized where all the deceit seemed to be. Lo and behold they’re in a relationship! I was telling a story to J as I read that text and I was very clearly shocked, J was curious, so I showed them that text message. J and I ended up essentially on opposite sides of the same fence.
A few more texts between L and I but we kept it cordial only to wake up this morning to a very angry text calling me a scumbag for telling J that C and L were now dating mere weeks after C and J ended. So I ask you, Reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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EVERYBODY
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|
WRONG
|
ZisnVJRpbQXhgXwaiLfru0yuwwTmH0s7
|
a8w65i
|
{
"description": "playing a prank on my brothers for christmas",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I play a prank on my brothers for christmas
|
With christmas coming up i got to wrap presents. My favorite part of christmas aside from watching my younger brothers open them. This year with the discount of xboxs we got them an xbox. As I joke I wrote the gift receptient as 9 and older. (My brothers are 8 and wont be nine till April). I'm going to let them open it anyway on Christmas.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Mb5ZdOaIlwk6ie51qc94aqc4JRbfHTGN
|
9vxydy
|
{
"description": "explicitly telling ny friend to come with me to a party",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for explicitly telling ny friend to come with me to a party.
|
This happened today. For some context I am 16M and my friend is 15M.My school has compulsory Saturday science school for all year 11s and it finished at 1. I was planning on going to the cinema and am on my to the party right now. My friend asked me to come and I told him it's not my party and I shouldn't bring people if they aren't invited.He started begging me to come to the party and I told him if he wants to come ask [PARTY HOST] and not me. He started blaming for not being able to attend the party etc.I would consider myself popular and this party was only about 12-15 people that were close friends and I didn't want to be to ruin that and since he knew a few of them I told him again to asked the [PARTY HOST] but he refused saying it is too embarrassing to ask for an invite and started swearing at me and I got pissed off and I told him to fuck off. AITA? I feel really bad but don't know if was being a dick or not.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
uISwFEKj3u0Qb1gDbwI974ktWYk5VPIJ
|
afi6jx
|
{
"description": "not wanting to meet my grandparent",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA If I didn't want to meet my grandparent?
|
My dad died drom Glioblastoma when I was 14, it was a tough time for me and my brother. During this time we learned a lot about his childhood and how his father was abusive. He would regularly hit his mother, cheat on her, he was an alcoholic, he'd hit him and his sister, lock them in rooms, scream at them for no reason, ignore them all day, tell them they would be nothing in life. He left when my dad was young, leaving them financially crippled to the point of needing to steal toilet paper from gas stations. When he was still alive and we'd ask about his father he'd tell us he was a bad man, and he never wanted us to meet him, and never wanted him to meet us.
Flash forward to when I was 17, we're told my father's father has reappeared, with a new family, and has terminal cancer, and has requested to meet me and my brother. Part of us wanted to meet him and let him know how successful our dad was without him and wanted to let him know how fucked he made everything by being the way he was, and that he was never a part of this family and wouldn't be welcome now, another part of us didn't want to give him the chance to meet us before he died, we both felt like he didn't deserve that, and our dad wouldn't have wanted that. He died a few days after our decision. We didn't go to the funeral after being invited either.
Flash forward to me being 20 now, we had been told several times after that, that it would have been more fulfilling to meet him and let him know that our father didn't need him, or telling him how we felt about him to his face, and now we'd never get the chance and we probably missed out on a once in a lifetime opportunity and certain family members would have jumped on the opportunity. We feel like we made the right choice but I'm curious about an unbiased opinion?
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
WiLILgAWIwhHL3VNUJo0gBzch7gFDrh9
|
a8j474
|
{
"description": "suggesting a girl move in with me after a week together, and now don't feel the same way",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for suggesting a girl move in with me after a week together, and now don't feel the same way
|
So as a back story, I met a girl whilst I was on a holiday, and we hit it off, I'll refer to her as "P"
She was on holiday with her mum (I'm six years older than P, who finished school two years earlier) and to put it simply, her Mum just wasn't a good person. First, her mum tried to make a move on me, I kindly turned her away and took it as a compliment, so she got with the next available guy. Shortly after, I found out the mother is engaged.
So, I used every opportunity I could to spend time with P, who was lovely, and very empathetic which I find intriguing because I generally struggle with empathy and sympathy.
P tells me that she's about to move interstate with her mum, and her mums fiance.
Now, at this point we are hitting it off, and the more time I spend with P, the more protective I get of her. By the end of the holiday, I suggest that if she's moving anyway, I'll pay for her flights and she can move in with me, because I feel her family is toxic and she deserves better.
This girl is SUPER in to me, and fast forward two weeks later, she's living with me.
The problem is, now she's showing traits I saw in her mother, like always needing attention, especially from 'sickness'
Every night, it's a headache, or 'throwing up' or even "tripped up on the way home, hit my head and now I'm so dizzy"
It's been two weeks straight of a new issue every night, and I cannot even pretend I care anymore.
She said she liked gaming, so I bought her a switch and set up a gaming PC (she barely touched them) I got her a casual job, but because she only works short hours, so she gets upset when I don't want to "attention her" after work because I want to play a game or two but she's been "Waiting all day for me to get home"
Anyway, now I feel like I have to try and make things work, because I don't want her to go home to her selfish mother, but I don't think I can keep up the relationship much longer.
TL;DR Spent a week with a girl and convinced her to move in with me, now I don't think It's working out
Advice is also welcomed
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
wtYcoE4XlTbMku0bl2BHFgcZzno7uQHR
|
as3csi
| null |
AITA? Broke up with Ex and now he wants his expensive gifts back.
|
So like the title states I (21F) broke up with an Ex (27m) because I didn’t feel any more chemistry between us. I’ve been going through a rough patch and while he was very supportive it turned out that he wasn’t quite what I wanted in my life anymore.
Well now he wants the things back that he purchased for me, including a set of grooming equipment that cost about $500. He purchased it for me after I had lost my job at a company so that I could go back to dog grooming and try to get myself by. I offered him compensation for the grooming equipment after he confronted me asking for it back because I will still use it and still frequently need it to groom my own dogs at home.
Now this is equipment is very well used, two of the blades are broken and a pair of the shears aren’t cutting properly anymore, and if anyone is familiar with commercial dog grooming you know that we tend to groom 8-9 different dogs a day and that puts a lot of wear and tear on the equipment.
He however would not accept the offered compensation of the full price of the initial brand new equipment. Stating it was a reminder of him and why would I need to keep it?
He wants to just sell it and get his money back but why would he do that when I’ve offered him more than it’s actually worth?
I eventually told him he would not be receiving the equipment back under the circumstances that when you agree to date someone and gift someone things you risk the potential to lose that person and the things you had gifted them. We dated for about 6 months. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
w7Yo6N4oTXUvTFh152NcKeR0RFy1qZTS
|
atlydb
|
{
"description": "sending (what I thought was wholesome) meme",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For sending (what I thought was wholesome) meme.
|
[The Meme in question](https://www.reddit.com/r/me_irl/comments/atkr9b/me_irl/)
A friend of mine has been going through a rough time recently and since then our friendship has gone cold (I don't know why it just feels like he is being more harsh to me recently) So I decided to text him this meme because I thought it was heart warming and he just flat out ignored me (which is not something he does I'm not being paranoid) thinking about it maybe he felt it was patronising or insensitive.
​
was the meme insensitive? Or could he not be in the mood?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
qz3n10OmSmQa2YfT4xaKFK5qQBcUMI7A
|
b4z6wb
|
{
"description": "decapitating a lizard",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for decapitating a lizard?
|
This was about 3 years ago and it still goes threw my head sometimes. The men in my family take a fishing retreat every year in May. My brother (23) brought a slingshot with us on our morning outing in case he got bored. sure enough about an hour into fishing he starts grabbing rocks and firing at the trees behind us, aiming at anything interesting, pinecones, leaves whatever. Until he sees a lizard on the tree. He calls me over (19) and says he can hit it. I tell him not only could he not hit it,(it was kinda small maybe 6 or 7 inches?) but he shouldn't hit it and start to walk back to my pole. as I walk away I hear a thunk behind me and my brother says he hit! I turn around thinking hes lying but sure enough there's a lizard on the ground with a mangled leg twitching. I stare at it in kinda disbelief before I see another rock hit it, this time right on the head. The lizards body is twitching and I yell what the hell's a matter with you and I see him aiming again. In my head this lizard is just in misery at this point and rather than giving my brother any more satisfaction I grab my pocket knife, flick it open and cut the lizards head off to end his pain. My brother looks at me like why did I have to ruin it and goes back to his pole.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
83QuhvYEcqHAn6RbSNvG4Ibu0teYS1eA
|
ar2udr
|
{
"description": "ending a 7 year relationship over how they spoke about my mother",
"pronormative_score": 32,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For ending a 7 year relationship over how they spoke about my mother?
|
They never got along, which was weird since all my other partners and friends loved my mother. Their personalities never clicked and it lend to passive aggression, neither could give a good reason. I sat both down a year in and told them if they both loved me they didn't have to like eachother but did need to be civil for my sake so I'm not torn. They agreed.
For the most part only my mother followed through. I know mom didn't change her opinion, but since then she never expressed it to me and was always respectful towards my ex in conversation, invited her over for family events with the rest of the family, got her a small thing at Christmas, all the above.
My ex never really made any attempt to be that civil with my mother, and would usually find reasons to make shitty comments now and again and stuff of that nature. I've repeatedly asked why she disliked her so much and it's always been vague reasons like "her attitude" and whatnot. I've always thought it was jealousy that my mother and I are close as she's like that with other women in my life in general, but she certainly isn't invasive in the relationship and I also have healthy boundaries and couldn't be called a momma's boy or anything. I've never neglected my ex while propping up my mom.
My ex and I had some petty disagreement and she was in a bad mood, and my mom had stopped by to drop off my younger brother's bike I was going to work on. She was there maybe 30 seconds and didn't even come inside, but didn't say hello to my ex as my ex didn't come outside with me and mom was in a rush.
When I went back in my ex started flipping out, calling my mother all sorts of names, saying she was a leech which makes no sense as mom never asks for or takes anything from me, calling her a cunt, saying she was sick of the bitch and other awful stuff. I left to call a friend to see if I could stay with him and asked him to come help me pack and came back and told her I no longer wanted to be with her.
She was distraught and kept asking why and how I could leave after 7 years after one issue. I told her I've had to listen to her disparage my mother for years and while mom made an effort to be civil she never did, and how if she cared about me she wouldn't take out her anger by speaking about my mom like that. She was begging me to stay apologizing and I told her she had 7 years to tell me properly what her issue was or work on it. She asked if I was picking my mother and I told her again I tried for years to not pick anyone but after her refusing to make an effort that yes, I was picking mom.
I recently got my own apartment. My ex messages me on social media on alternate accounts or via friends almost daily begging me to come back. I'm not, I don't want to be with someone who speaks that way about my mom. But am I the asshole for how I left or for leaving in the first place instead of trying to be more understanding? I just decided on the spot I was done.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 32,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
Exdbir5tQw4O0lpJobW3vfQiaPpJw86z
|
b1evw9
|
{
"description": "thinking my housemates should share and work together",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For thinking my housemates should share and work together?
|
This morning, I walked to the store with clenched cheeks and a broken toe. I woke up for work having to take a shit and theres no TP in the bathroom. A typical situation for most I think, but I live in a house with 6 people including myself.
When I buy things for the house: TP, food, garbage bags, etc. I put them in the places they go and everyone in the house uses them as they would. But when any of the other 5 buy anything, its kept in their rooms and nobody else is allowed to use it. Apparently, this was a silent agreement amongst 4/5 of them..1/5 of them just kinda went along with it but they agree with me that since were all sharing a living space, we should all pitch in for house supplies together, this way not all of our money is being spent, and nobody is left up shitcreek without a paddle.
However, everytime I bring attention to this, I'm told that I'm just gonna cause an issue, that I'm an asshole and I'm being confrontational. Granted, I'm on meds that have been making me act as such but in this situation I feel like I'm right.
We'll argue about this every couple of days and their "winning point" is that if we all share, stuff disappears so quickly, and people dont mind being wasteful because they didnt buy it.
**A:** No shit. 6 people in a house, stuff goes fast.
**B:** If we all pool the money to buy things, people wont have that mentality because they spent money on it too.
So am I making a big deal over something stupid, or am I right in thinking it should be different.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
7aLwgVE5guvlhtvmLK5tFmPEYBDm5H3u
|
a44bgg
|
{
"description": "having salacious monkey sex with my roommates longtime crush",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for having salacious monkey sex with my roommates longtime crush?
|
Harken gang!
I’ll get right to it. My roommates (who are active in the queer poly kink community) have a friend who crashes here a lot- let’s call them Halibut. This halibut and I have gotten pretty close; we play chess together, garden, they’re teaching me sign and generally have a pretty good repor. One of my roomies - iguana - has been all over halibut for a couple of months and shared with me that she’s crushing on the romantico/sensual sense, you get the picture.
One of our mutual friends told me that iguana told them that halibut has a crush on my a couple of weeks ago. I was like yeah obv I’m beautiful hilarious humble (this isn’t the part where I’m an asshole yet) but I didn’t think much of it.
On an unrelated yet related note there’s been a demon or evil spirit haunting me for some time now and lately I’ve been having real intense night terrors whenever I sleep in my room. I ended up crashing on the couch when halibut was and we snuggled our way right into fuckery.
Context: I like to sleep around quite a bit so going into I was like whatevskies but as it turns out halibut is suuuper sadist and ended up being a phenomenal lay. We’re a pretty good match in the biblical sense and have been fuckin with the occasional Gatorade break since Monday (this is a bit of an exaggeration) .
This morning I told iguana and she seemed really sad :( she said she was grumpy at halibut for other reasons but wasn’t surprised.
Am I the asshole?!? Since these two are both poly it seems like we should be cool but we are roommates so I’m not sure if that changes anything. On the flip side I’m really enjoying exploring this aspect of my sexuality with someone I know and trust.
Discuss
Ps: if anyone from the house is reading this apologies for airing our biz we can talk about it next house meeting and it was me not the cat making those noises.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
WRONG
|
N5MMQGRxf29EEpYLE0Leo3NSUZMybctE
|
a3484b
|
{
"description": "wanting my mom out of my life",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting my mom out of my life?
|
It's worth mentioning I'm a 23 year old male and my mother is medicated bipolar with borderline personality disorder.
In August I was living at home and everything was seemingly fine. All until my mom stopped smoking weed (which she has been for 15 years straight). My guess is her medication that she ended up with was adjusted to account for that, because she went manic and started getting EXTREMELY irritable. She started to "clean" my already very clean room without my permission (that has never happened before). But I soon found out how bad she actually was.
She was just searching through my things every day, because she was convinced I was doing heroin. Her main evidence was a small black chunk of something, that I never got the chance to see and an set of sewing needles. Now I've literally never done anything close to heroin but I'm pretty sure you can't use sewing needles for that. I came home one night to her in my room going through everything that belonged to me. She accused me of "cooking" and doing drugs. Needless to say I was highly offended and argues til the bitter end. Even my dad wouldn't get my back because he didn't want to deal with her insanity.
That all happened the first week of September. And that night, I left home and didn't go back. I stayed on friends couches for a month until I could afford my own apartment. In the time between when I left and now, she's been hospitalized twice (and is still acting insane) and forced my dad out the house that he pays the mortgage on (she doesn't have a job). The only one left living with her is my brother because he feels bad for her.
She texts me all the time and I never respond. I think that she still believes I'm on heroin, but I really just would rather not deal with her at all. Anytime I need to tell her something I call my dad and make him do it. She recently showed up where I work to try and talk to me. I wasn't at the office at the time but my coworker had to deal with her for over half an hour, I think she was waiting for me. I told my dad I would call the police if she does that again, for stalking and harassment. Things are actually going good for me, I've got a decent job, a girlfriend, and my own place. Idon't care about her well being anymore, I just want to focus on my own life without her in it. AITA for that?
TLDR; My mother has been crazy for months and nobody in my family can take it. AITA for completely giving up on her?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
AZsjcJptpRI0Jh3ACaXrgriGT01tSvLn
|
al303o
|
{
"description": "distracting my classmate by browsing on my computer",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA by distracting my classmate by browsing on my computer?
|
Kind of a minor thing, but I really can’t tell if I’m the asshole or not.
I’m not a morning person, so usually in my morning (college) class I like to browse some reddit and stuff like that since a lot of it is review for me anyways and you need to come to class to turn in homework.
I introduce myself to the guy I’m sitting next to, very quiet and kinda hostile that I sat next to him. Then I just more or less browse for the rest of class. We break from lecture to do some discussion at some point, and since I was barely paying attention I start talking about what we’re supposed to be talking about, but he’s unprepared and confused so I stop talking and go back to browsing.
Class ends, I leave but I forget my jacket on my chair so I come back. He looks up and says “Why do you even come to class dude? So fucking distracting?”
I feel like there’s no way I could’ve possibly known that I was distracting him, and that he’s way out of line for criticizing me when he was unprepared for discussion and I was.
But maybe I was being inconsiderate somehow? I don’t know
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
VxcUnsSdrEfvqybEfGnwACvZAODrySZU
|
a0ppju
|
{
"description": "telling my in laws to quit shaming my three year old or are they the assholes for ignoring me afterward",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for telling my in laws to quit shaming my three year old or are they the assholes for ignoring me afterward?
|
I had an amicable relationship with my in laws of 5 years then I saw them discipline my then 3-year-old in a way I did not like. While they were watching my two daughters (3 and 1), the older girl threatened to hit her little sister with a block when she knocked her tower down. My in laws response was to say they didn't play with "mean" "bad" girls and leave the room, ignoring her. When i came back from work, my daughter was crying and confused, sitting on the floor quietly. I asked what happened and my mother in law relayed the story nonchalantly--Oh we just told her we don't play with bad mean girls."
I told my in laws I did not like that discipline tactic. She acted taken aback. I left to go back to work, and decided to explain my reasoning via text. I said:
"Thanks for everything. I appreciate you being with the girls. I always know they're safe. If M hits with anything, take it away. Tell her it's not OK. Try to validate and label her feelings. You're mad. That is frustrating, but we don't hit." I want her to feel understood and accepted while also knowing the behavior is not OK. She is OK. She is loved. But the behavior is NOT allowed." She responded by saying, "I've always done what you say, just like I've always done what Christy (my ex sister in law) says."
This is where I might have taken it to far. I had just talked to my other ex sister in law (My husband has two brothers, and both of their wives have left them because they say they are narcisisstically abusive, but that's another post.). My ex sister in law had told me that my in laws talked bad about me on the regular, saying I had "issues," and "ways" with the girls that were annoying. So I said:
"I know you have, but I also know that you can be put out by it. I talked to Rachel O last week and she said you always said how I "have my ways" in a deprecating tone. I understand we have different methods. I'm sorry if I've ever made you feel judged by your style. I think you guys are great. But I also don't think withholding affection and love for bad behavior is a good parenting tactic. Shame-based discipline can have toxic affects." Then I linked her to an article.
This post is not about whether you agree with my discipline method. It's what I choose to do and what Id like anyone who watches my kids to try. It works.
This is about whether I was too harsh with my wording, and whether their response was appropriate. After relaying my preferences and stating my boundary, my in laws responded by saying they would never be able to live up to my standards, that i wanted them to watch the kids with their hands tied behind their backs and that they no longer feel comfortable watching my kids since I think they dont love them.....
They said they would not be alone with the girls again. However, a week later, my MIL said she would still watch my girls while I finished my internship even though my FIL wouldnt like it (it was his idea to refuse to watch the girls).
Since this happened, my FIL has called my husband griping about me, saying I have them all walking on eggshells and that he isnt going to smile and pretend to his granddaughters that "mommas always right when she's not." He also listed a bunch of minor grievances that he had said nothing to me about (I let my three-year-old walk on the handicap ramp, the baby played by and on the bottom of the stairs one day, and he thinks I'm underfeeding the kids, etc.) I tried to both call him and talk to him in person. When I called, and texted he rejected and ignored me, then told my husband to tell me to write a letter, and he would write a letter back--that he didn't want me to "twist his words," and he wasn't going to pretend I was right in front of my daughters anymore.
I then tried to talk to him in person, but when I enter the room and greet him, he gets up and leaves without acknowledging me at all. When i pick up the girls after a visit, my FIL stays in the room until I arrive then when I say hi to him, he looks away and walks into another room.
I am pretty stunned and annoyed at his behavior because I don't feel like I did anything wrong, but I feel oddly punished. i asked my SO to stick up for me and he says it's not his business and he thinks his dad is trying to avoid conflict in the best way he knows how. I disagree completely. I think he is being immature and is intentionally creating conflict in order to be judged as a victim and right. He also called his other son, my husband's older brother and told him how I overreacted about their discipline strategies, and that brother text me, griping me out about it and telling me I dont know what it's like to have a healthy family because I come from a broken home.
Im temped to not bring my kids over there anymore, so they don't have to see their mother being actively ignored for what I see as no reason, but I'm not sure if that is too extreme.
I had liked my FIL OK before, or at least tolerated him, but now i think he has problems with strong women. He has called my former sister in law a slut and a bitch behind her back before. Id found it repugnant and pathetic at the time, and now his word choice seems targeted more at women in general than that one specific woman. My FIL, MIL and their sons all say my ex sister in laws are "crazy" and "bitches," and that the boys treated them wonderfully, but they "used" them... The SILs have different stories, of course.
Anyway, who is the asshole here? Me for stating my boundaries? Them for making a giant stink about it and ignoring me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
xWGFu2MvR25spo2JnqrufeFlHRvWhKco
|
b5e7pg
|
{
"description": "wanting to go on a trip even if my girlfriend can't go",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For wanting to go on a trip even if my girlfriend can't go?
|
I have been with my girlfriend for almost 6 years. We go on plenty of trips together. My sister lives in Alaska and recently invited me to come up their and go fishing with her and her boyfriends family for 10 days because she knows that I have always wanted to do that. This trip is going to take place in the late summer. I told my girlfriend about this and of course I invited her. And yes, my sister was ok with her coming along as well.
When I told my girlfriend about this she wasn't happy for me that I finally get to go and do something that I have dreamed about for a long time. She got upset because I didn't run it by her first and make sure she could get the time off. I told her that I would love for her to try to get the time off and come with but if she couldn't make it I was still going to go. It isn't easy for her to get time off where she works, but this is also the only time I can go because my sister will be on vacation then as well. Now my girlfriend is just getting pissed about it and is saying I can't go if she can't go. I told her that if I was in the same position as her I would be upset if I couldn't go too but I wouldn't stop her from doing something she wants to do.
Am I the asshole here for going even if she can't?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 2
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 15,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Subt9Hp5bzMzkTEUhOdvdAncEOUKvx9F
|
b2tc00
| null |
AITA? Ex Girlfriend got drunk in my living room and I yelled at her
|
AITA
This post requires a bit of background info, so bear with me...
My ex (20F) and I (20M) broke up over the summer and it was pretty rough. We ended on very bad terms. It was made especially rough that my best friend and roommate (21M) is still very good friends with her. At this point I'm trying to be her friend again and get her not to hate me. A few months later I was dating again and I was with my current girlfriend (21F).
Everyone in this story is in the same marching band and we were supposed to go on a trip the next morning, but the dorms were closed so I told a freshman he could sleep on my couch.
I had my current girlfriend over that night, the freshman was coming at around midnight. I went out into my living room to get a drink of water (without a shirt on) and my ex girlfriend, roommate and one of their friends came into my apartment holding vodka and other drinks, already clearly drunk. My ex immediately makes a comment about how I'm disgusting for not wearing a shirt and walks right in. (later my RM said she sort of invited herself over I don't blame him). I didn't really know what to do, so I retreated to my room with my current gf. I was definitely uncomfortable with the situation, but didn't want to say anything.
I decided to wait it out, and hope they would leave soon. this went on and pretty soon my freshman would be coming. My ex kept giving me and my current gf judgemental looks as we walked outside my room, one time yelling at me for not wearing a shirt again and I told her I didn't really care. I had decided to keep it off because it was my apartment and I wanted to make it clear that she was not welcome (I realize that it was petty, but I was getting angry).
At around 12 the freshman came in /with his father/ and my ex made no effort to conceal that she was drinking in the living room. I was getting increasingly upset because I had made a promise to this freshman and I didn't know what to do.
So I waited some more. At almost 1am I could tell that the freshman was uncomfortable and was trying to sleep so I decided it was definitely time for me to ask them to leave. I went over to them and asked them if they could kindly take the party elsewhere and the ex got pissy about it and refused to leave, citing something about me not wearing a shirt.
After that I got really angry and yelled at her to leave, saying that I didn't want her there and she needed to leave NOW. She said something snotty and packed up her stuff and left with my RM and their friend. I heard her crying outside later.
I have perma-bamned her from our apartment.
AITA? I realize I could have handled it better but I felt like what I did was fair considering the situation.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
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