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{
"description": "being bitter about my friend's plans",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for being bitter about my friend's plans?
|
Ok, so, we're both 20 and in college. Starting last May we moved in the together and it was basically established that we'd be roommates for the next 2 years (we'd just started our 3rd year in uni). We are also really good friends.
For some context, they (I'll call them M) started dating someone (call them A) around January of this year. As soon as that started, M & I's relationship pretty much sank in terms of time we spent together. I would literally never see them for weeks and they would hang out with their partner 24/7. Everything is now a We for M. and for the record, I don't like A at all. I think they are awful for M and is taking advantage of the fact that M is desperate for a good relationship with someone who isn't transphobic.
So the situation is that M told me that they (M & A) are planning on moving to a different state (think Midwest to West Coast) this summer with A's best friend. Although the plan is dependent on if A will graduate this spring. I am annoyed by this because 1) we had agreed to these roommate plans before they started that relationship, and if I won't know if I have to move until my lease is up (next May) that's going to be shitty as fuck 2) we adopted cats together. they're supposed to be our collective responsibility (although tbh M barely spends any time with them because like I said they spend all their time with A. I'm the one who feeds them, makes sure they get playtime in, and cleans the litter boxes most of the time). and 3) I think moving halfway across the country with a partner you've been dating for barely a year in your twenties is a fucking AWFUL idea.
We have a pretty direct relationship so I have told M point 1 and 2 straight up although not 3 - because i always tell them problems I have with A and I can tell they just get annoyed by it and don't really take it seriously. But I have just been feeling bitter about this whole thing along with A and also wondering if I'm the asshole because apparently M's relationship to A is more important to them. M said they still would want to be friends with me if this happens but honestly I think I might be too resentful. And I really do respect the seriousness of romantic relationships but...M & A are barely compatible roommates and all "compromise" in that direction is composed of M having to deal with something A does that M doesn't like.
Also A is basically moved in to our apartment and sleeps over every night even though they aren't on the lease.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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{
"description": "reporting my neighbor to our hoa",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for reporting my neighbor to our HOA?
|
I moved into a brand new house at the same time as our neighbors did, about 8 months ago. They own 3 large dogs that are rarely on a leash when they are let outside. Our lots are pretty small, less than a 1/4 acre. I've seen them in my yard and our surrounding neighbor's yards multiple times. Because of this, they've peed on my bushes and I've had to clean up the their crap from my yard on a few occasions. My son is even afraid to go outside and play because he doesn't want the dogs to jump on him. I'm a very introverted person and I have problems confronting people. I've timidly called them out twice on their dogs, but it hasn't seem to help. On top of this, their back yard is filled with dog crap. I think they last time they've cleaned it up is back in October. It makes for a great view out of my back window. I just gave up and wrote a letter to our HOA to see if they would take care of this. I would hate to start a feud with a neighbor that last for years. I'm not a dog person, but as long as a person takes care of their dogs and it doesn't affect my property or me in anyway, I don't care. Am I being the asshole here? I keep on second guessing myself.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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9wq3hk
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{
"description": "not allowing my good friend's abusive girlfriend in my home",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not allowing my good friend's abusive girlfriend in my home?
|
My husband and I have a friend we'll call Joe. Joe has been my husband's best friend since they were 12 (they are in their mid 30's now), and he has been my good friend since I met my husband over a decade ago.
5 years ago, Joe met a woman we'll call Jane. Jane seemed nice enough at first. We of course welcomed her into our lives and Joe was happy and things were fine.
About 6 months into the relationship, we noticed that Jane was kind of awful to Joe. Anytime they were around us, Jane would make really snide, emasculating comments; "You're so stupid." "Hurry up, moron." "You couldn't even change the oil in my car, I had to find a real man to do it." Things like that. Joe would stand up for himself at first, but as time went on, she got nastier and he got quieter. We stopped spending as much time with them together as before, because it was very uncomfortable to be around.
We voiced our concerns to Joe that we believed he was in an abusive relationship, but he would brush it off. I wanted to ban Jane from my house way back then, but my husband said we should support Joe and that Joe might not feel like he could come to us with his problems if we did that. I obliged at that time.
Then Jane got pregnant with Joe's child. She actually seemed to mellow out a bit, and for the first few months after the baby was born, they acted really happy again. But of course babies = stress and stress = fights for even the healthiest of relationships, so it wasn't too surprising when they started fighting on the daily again.
After the kid was born, they moved into an apartment together (they'd been maintaining separate households). Jane made Joe give her all of his paycheck (she even bragged about this on social media, like it's so cool to take all of your boyfriend's money that he works 45 + hours a week for and not leave him with anything), and Joe wasn't allowed to sleep in the bed with Jane because "his snoring kept her awake and she needed her sleep." He was made to sleep on the small loveseat. We ended up giving him our sleeper sofa when we upgraded to a new sectional, and we found out later that Jane threw a fit when he pulled the hide-a-bed out of it at night because "beds in the living room look trashy," according to her. At least, though, he was able to stretch out on a full size couch.
Things escalated, as they always do in abusive relationships, and before long Joe was miserable all the time. Jane stopped coming around us altogether and she would call and berate Joe on the phone every time he tried to visit - which wasn't often because they were caring for a child. We finally flat-out told Joe to leave her, but he didn't want to hurt his kid. We explained that raising a child in an abusive, toxic environment was way worse than growing up with mommy and daddy in separate homes, but he wouldn't listen.
Finally, one day about 2 months ago, Joe came to our home and his face was red and swollen with a huge welt in the shape of a hand across his cheek. He said she had smacked him across the face because she came home from work and he was napping after also working a 10 hour shift that day. He admitted that it wasn't the first time she'd smacked him, and that she had also spit on him several times, torn up his work clothes on a number of occasions, hid his keys when he tried to leave, told their daughter that he wasn't her real daddy so she didn't have to listen to him, and would take food from his hands and throw it across the room if she was angry and he wouldn't engage. He finally decided enough was enough, and he left her that evening.
Things seemed to be looking up, but 2 weeks ago we found out that they were seeing each other again. Joe is now about the break the lease on his apartment to move back in with Jane. I'm disgusted and angry at Joe but I also understand abusive relationships and how they affect you, so I will always be there for him.
However, I told my husband that Jane is not welcome in our home under any circumstances. My husband is angry because he feels like that will only hurt Joe, and it might drive Joe away from us when he needs us most. Joe doesn't really have any family to speak of, just his grandma, so he doesn't have much of a support system. He refuses to tell Joe that Jane can't come to our house. I don't mind telling Joe and Jane both that Jane isn't welcome here; she is an abusive pile of garbage. I hate her and she makes me sick. I believe it's asinine to enable a friend to continue in an abusive relationship, and honestly, it's the opposite of what friends should do for each other.
To be clear, Joe is always welcome and his daughter is always welcome in my home. Am I in the wrong to say that Jane can't step foot on my property?
​
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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{
"description": "making a joke in a picture",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for making a joke in a picture
|
(Sorry for formatting I’m on mobile)
I’m in my schools drama club and we were doing a play for a competition. After we came home from the competition we all stopped and took a quick picture. I thought it would be funny to do the little finger circle sign 👌 while we took it. (Stupid I know, but harmless right?) The school posted it on Facebook and the most that happened for a while is people noticed the sign, maybe did the breathe-through-nose thing and went on with their lives. The only reason that anyone cared is someone, I still don’t know who, called the school and said it meant white power. (I didn’t know about this, some cops got suspended for it once too) This, however, isn’t the main point of the post. My parents are treating me like demon spawn, not because they think it means white power, but because I would dare to make a joke in a picture. I would also like to point out that nobody who doesn’t think it means white power thinks it’s a big deal, including both drama club teachers, all of the students in drama club, many outside students, and even an outside teacher who I asked.
Sorry if this isn’t the right sub to post this, but I want to know your opinion.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
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|
{
"description": "not working things out with my Ex",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not working things out with my Ex?
|
A few weeks ago my then gf broke up with me and list all the things why were not compatible for each other. I was dissapointed with her because i thought we could work things out but instead she gave up on me. I havent contacted her since then. Today she emailed me: “I want to thank you for making this break up process a little easy for me. Thanks for not even trying to reach me and work things out. I can really confirm that it was the right decision. And it was meant to end by the way how easy you’re taking it like nothing happened. :)”
Am i the asshole for not reaching out and working things out with her? Im confuse.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
absu7c
|
{
"description": "not going to school",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not going to school?
|
A few days ago I had an existential crisis. I started crying, and my mom came in. She talked to me, and this might be important later.
Last night, I finished a book report on a project in school about school shootings. Today was my day back from winter break. Last night, I started crying again about how I didn't feel good, and that I was thinking about life and my friends and family, and that I had a bad feeling about 2019. I told her I didn't feel good this morning, and she got mad. She said something about my brother, and about how I'll be a high-school dropout and that I'll be riding along with strangers in a car. She then said she's taking my Xbox, and that it's gone for good. She said because some of my games have guns in it, and that my grades got lower than what I was getting before, which was high honors and honors. I started studying, and my grades got high again. I don't know if I'm in the wrong, maybe I am, and if I am, how can I say sorry to my mom?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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{
"description": "insisting that my so learn basic cooking techniques, instead of grabbing takeout? to be fair, we agreed cooking would mainly be MY chore",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA if I insist that my SO learn basic cooking techniques, instead of grabbing takeout? To be fair, we agreed cooking would mainly be MY chore...
|
I am 31F, SO is 30M, together 2 years, living together 1, planning engagement and family in next year or so. We split chores roughly evenly. I have no complaints here—we both do our fair share overall. Part of our split is that food is mainly my chore, since I enjoy cooking and he’s always been up-front that he doesn’t know how.
I always try to use fresh, from-scratch ingredients. My cooking style is very simple. Dinner always includes a protein, a carb, and a veggie, and usually a fruit-based dessert. I only cook complicated stuff for special occasions, guests, etc. I try to cook mindfully of our general health, balanced nutrition, fresh food, etc., but I’m not being a “foodie” or expecting anything exotic or difficult.
If, for some reason, I don’t have time or energy to cook, SO’s idea of handling dinner is picking up fast food for both of us. He’ll pay for both our meals and if I say I’m not in the mood for fast food, he’ll suggest a different (nicer) restaurant. He’s not exactly being cheap or unfair because he will let me pick the restaurant and he’ll always offer to pay (though we usually split). And he never gives me a hard time about occasionally not cooking even though we agreed that would be primarily my chore. But I hate that if I don’t cook, it'll always be more expensive and less healthy, because SO can’t be bothered to learn anything.
I’ve tried engaging him while I cook, to show him some basics, but he’s just not interested. It’s a mindset issue, like he just doesn’t think cooking is a thing that applies to him because he can always get fast food. I’ve asked him if he could just learn a couple of basic meals, for the odd occasion that I’m sick, working late, etc., but he doesn’t see the point because he can just grab takeout and “if you want to be healthy just get a salad!”
It kinda stresses me out because we’re talking about having kids in the next year or two. Things are going to get a lot more hectic and I might not have time/energy to cook every night. Or I could get injured or die and he’d be in charge of feeding the kids. (Unlikely, but it could happen.) He thinks me asking him to learn some basic skills is unnecessary because he can always just pay for takeout and “they have salads if you’re trying to be healthy”. He supports his argument by reminding me that he before we met, he only ever ate fast food (literally), and he’s never been overweight or had a health issue. I mean, he’s not wrong, but I still think: Just because you CAN in your teens and 20s, doesn’t mean you SHOULD forever—and I think you definitely shouldn’t raise kids on a 100% fast food diet. I’m bothered by his refusal to cook, but to his credit, if I don’t cook he is always willing to let me pick the restaurant and he always offers to pay. And we did decide that cooking would be mainly my chore. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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NOBODY
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RIGHT
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| null |
AITA or is my girlfriend a cheat?
|
This is a long story and it sounds like the most ridiculous life you’ve probably ever heard. But I’m not lying.
Me and my girlfriend of 6 years live together.
The relationship wasn’t healthy, you could say I was borderinh on abusive. She rarely shouts at me but I would frequently shout at her and have a go when I didn’t get my own way or was offended.
We was going through a rough patch and this guy who she went to school asks her to meet up to catch up because he had recently had tried to kill himself. But this guy had tried to kiss her 5 years ago while we were together and she pushed him away and told me she wouldn’t speak to him again.
She was unsure on whether to meet him or not so she asks her dad and he tells her to meet him but not to tell me.
So she said yes to him and meets him but under the condition that she couldn’t tell me about it because she was scared I would kick off. She justified it by saying I have girl friends too.
Anyway she meets him and they catch up. But afterwards he starts calling her frequently, she stores his number on her phone under the name ‘Olivia’ so that if he texts her I won’t see it because she thinks I’ll go mental.
Our relationship starts to make yet another bad turn and we break up officially but she comes running back to me crying saying she wants to be with me and to make it work. Because it was my birthday coming up I think her exact words were “I want to make you the happiest guy on the planet for your birthday”. We got back together but even though we were only broken up for 2 days but I had downloaded tinder and I confessed to her that I had downloaded tinder while we had broke up.
So after talking me and my girlfriend had agreed to give the relationship 1 last chance and we said if it doesn’t work this time we won’t give it another try.
1 week later I get fed up and don’t see change so I go to her calmly and say “we’ve tried to make things work and we said we’d give it one last chance and we have and it hasn’t worked. “ She objected and said how it can be better, I said “you won’t change to be what I want I do stuff for you and I don’t feel like you do anything back, how many times are we going to restart? I might just get with someone else tonight.” I pause “joking I won’t but it isn’t working is it, come on”
She gets ready and leaves asking me to move the car so she can get out. I say “No” bluntly. Later on she texts me telling me to let the dog out and I’m blunt with her. She then mentions that I didn’t get the job I went for a few days ago and I texts saying “aw :( better luck next time love you xx” I was trying to be supportive.
I then call her because I noticed she had done the washing and not put any of my clothes in and she had burnt something with the iron. I said to her over the phone “....this is why I can’t be with you, you’ll never change! And don’t come to my birthday”
She’s upset and calls the guy who she had recently met. Asking him if she can come see him. She goes to see him feeling sick and crying. He comforts her and makes a move on her, they end up having sex and she leaves his house and sleeps at her mums.
Meanwhile I’m on a night out with my friends and I end up kissing someone. I come home and sleep in the house by myself.
The next day she returns home and I ask her if we can “make up”. We make up but we don’t tell eachother about what we did.
2 weeks later it turns out the guy she slept with has a pregnant girlfriend and his pregnant girlfriend looked at his phone and saw text messages between my girlfriend and him saying “that shouldn’t have happened” and “I feel sick for doing that”
His pregnant girlfriend contacts me through Facebook asking me if I knew anything about this. I didn’t Ofc so I confronted my girlfriend and she confesses to what happened and said she was waiting for the right time to tell me. Turns out when we sorted stuff out the guy text her again asking her to meet and she declined him. But he had been blackmailing her into sending him a total of £150 after that. With threats like “I need to pay my mate £100 or he says he’s going to tell everyone what happened”
The whole situation broke me if I wasn’t an unstable mess who didn’t know how to find happiness then, I certainly wasn’t now. I have a high rate brain and I couldn’t function anymore because I was obsessing over being hurt by it and I was having insane mood swings. I break it off with my girlfriend because I can’t handle how I felt and felt like it wasn’t fair to carry on.
1 month passes of us being broken up.
She texts my mum saying how she misses me and every night just wants to send me a text.
My mum tells me about this and I admit that I’m upset also and I miss her too. So I text her hoping that she’s okay.
We sit down and have an open conversation about stuff. Out of instinct we end up having unprotected sex.
We start seeing eachother lightly, to see how things go as friends and if we can move past the past.
But
She misses a period. I get her a pregnancy test and guess what... she’s pregnant. I know this sounds like bullshit so far, if your still reading this then amen. But this is actually my life, I’ve had suicidal thoughts constantly because I can’t stop over thinking and I’ve considering taking drugs to relieve myself. My brain is constantly exhausted from over thinking everything that has happened, I’m sat here crying while I’m writing this because I can’t decide whether I can make it work or not. It’s become so bad that I can’t hold a though down for more than a day. I’m forgetting stuff all the time and I don’t know what to do.
I don’t want to be like this.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
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b3kbda
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{
"description": "getting upset about husbands lack of excitement",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting upset about husbands lack of excitement??
|
First time poster, fairly new to Redit and I’m on my phone. I apologize in advance for any formatting mistakes or lack of things most posts include.
I had my son 11 years ago. I continued that pregnancy knowing I would be a single mom from the start. It has been the most difficult, rewarding thing I’ve ever done. Ive always wanted another child but wanted to do it the “right way”. I told myself I’d never do that again without a partner to experience pregnancy and our child with.
I waited till I became a wife then the hubby and I spent a year and 10 months trying to conceive before we finally did. We were both over the moon excited to be creating this new life together.
Perhaps, at almost 8.5 months pregnant now, I am over reacting. Perhaps I expect too much from my hard working husband. I’m coming here to get some outside perspectives.
My husband seems very uninterested in our growing child. I expected him to talk to the baby belly and touch it somewhat often. To get excited to feel baby move and be patient enough to experience that. Sometimes you have to hold your hand there for a while to get a good feel of what’s going on inside my baby making factory, but he often removes his hand and goes back to whatever he was doing, watching tv, playing with dog or on his phone before he really gets a good feel. He rarely puts his hand there without me placing it there for him.
Today, I had a cup on my bump, hubby was on the couch opposite of me, playing games on his phone. I giggled to him to look at the cup, baby was making it dance around like crazy!! He hardly glanced at it for a 2 second count before going back to his phone as he makes a “huh” comment with a laugh back at me. I asked him if he actually seen it, he said without looking up, “not really”.
Typing it out makes me feel a little silly but it’s upsetting to me. It’s as if he cares not to experience whats going on with our baby in my belly. I feel just as alone, if not more so during this pregnancy then I did 11 years ago when I actually WAS alone sharing those moments with just myself.
Anyway, after he stayed glued to his phone, I snapped at him. I said something along the lines of “I wish you cared to actually take the time to experience this with me, it will be over very soon and you’ll no longer have the chance”. He was clearly upset by my remark but said nothing. After snapping at him I got up off the couch to go lay in bed, frustrated. Now I’m here.
So, Redit, lay it on me.... Am I the asshole for feeling like he should want to be more involved and for getting pissed off that he’s not??
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "saying 20€ is the max I want to spend on my best friends gift",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for saying 20€ is the max I want to spend on my best friends gift?
|
It was her birthday yesterday. I am an artist so I was planning on making something special for her, and buying something small. I also made her Brownies and cupcakes yesterday.
Today she said "I know the perfect gift! A charger for my laptop, which broke down a couple days ago, it's about 20 to 30€."
I said "cool, you wanna split it?"
She got mad, and said "wow, are you serious? I bought you a 30€ gift 2 years ago and you only gave me a painting which costed 0€. You spend your money on (...) but don't wanna spend it on your best friend? I know enough 🖐🏻" (sassy emoticon included)
I replied, and explained, that she IS worth more than 20€ to me, and that if I saw a gift I thought suited her I wouldn't look at the price. But straight out buying her something she needs, completely taking the idea of a gift away, for 30€, I find that expensive. Cause it's a need, like groceries and rent.
It just felt like "buy this for me cause you have to because you're my best friend". Also the fact that she didn't appreciate the painting I made for her because it didn't cost any money, that hurt. And Im only hearing this now. I spent a lot of time and effort on that painting, I put my love into it.
Besides this all my mother is dying right now and I am not happy at all. She knows this. But she got mad at me for not spending x amount of money on her. I was in class, got her text, I had to leave. I was so sad instantly because I don't want to dissapoint nor lose her as a friend, but I feel like she has her priorities somewhere else.
I told her this, that I understand her view but the way she said it made me hurt, and she has not replied yet. Knowing her she's probably pissed off and I'll get a long paragraph on what I did wrong later today. I don't stop thinking about things like this.
Am I in the wrong? I do think she deserves the money, I would give it to her if I knew it meant so so much to her, but I personally don't think I Have to in order to be a good friend. I would not care at all if she told me 20€ is her max for a gift for me. I mean, she didn't even give me a gift for my birthday this year.
Sorry for the rant, I really hope to get some opinions so I can clarify to her what I meant exactly without using the wrong words, and understanding this from someone else's perspective. Because she is special to me and I want to solve this problem.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b5hd3o
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{
"description": "bailing on hanging with my boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA: for bailing on hanging with my boyfriend?
|
I recently got laid off and I am just so anxious because of it. Yesterday, after not spending part of the weekend together my (24f) bf (29m) asked me to see his friends band play at a local venue. I agreed but in the back of my mind I was like “ehhhh”.
I’ve also been on my period. My birth control makes it extra heavy. All day I’ve been at the library. I did put make up on to go to one interview, then afterwards I went to one of my girl friends house to debrief with wine.
I realized I was more comfortable with my friend (She is lending me sweats and spotting me on pizza). I called him and said I didn’t want to go to the show but I would come to his house after at around 10-11pm.
He seemed to calm down when I mentioned coming by later, but then he had to end the conversation with “i just think your acting like a bitch I’m offering to pay”.
Like yes I am broke thank you for offering to pay, But I also just don’t have the energy or want to go!
I called my mom and she said She could understand why he was mad if he was excited to see his friends play whilst hanging with his girlfriend. He is very introverted, so i know going to shows alone makes him shy. But thats so much pressure to be expected to go to every show.
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HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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RIGHT
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amm49y
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{
"description": "ignoring my boyfriend after he says he will kill himself",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA if I ignore my boyfriend after he says he will kill himself?
|
My boyfriend and I are long distance and had a huge fight tonight. I told him I was falling asleep and could not stay awake, but he proceeded to spam me with messages saying how selfish I am. He also said he would kill himself if I didn't message him, which I ignored.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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ackhij
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{
"description": "asking my friend not to invite me and a certain person to the same events",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my friend not to invite me and a certain person to the same events?
|
Long story short, Tom and I had a pretty toxic relationship for over three years that I’m pretty emotionally scarred about. Im currently in therapy, paying attention to my physical health and have made some other positive changes in my life. Tom and I decided it was best to go no contact (we have tried doing this many times before but this time I think I was truly ready to do it) and we haven’t spoken in months. I don’t harbor any resentment towards him but I recognize that he’s bad for my mental health and I don’t want him in my space.
My friend Mary is well aware of this. Last night was Mary’s birthday and she invited me to a bar to celebrate. My friend Anna was there too. And who should walk in but Anna’s ex. She was a bit taken aback since she didn’t know he would be there but ultimately ignored him and had a good time.
About a half hour later, Tom walks in. I’m taken aback as well. He comes over and tries to hug me and I say no thank you. He leaves and spends the rest of the night with some other people on the other side of the room. I have a good time with my friends.
In the morning, I message Mary and say that if she’s inviting Tom anywhere, I’d rather if she let me know ahead of time because I don’t really want to be around him. She’s now upset with me. Her take is that we’re “grown people” and it shouldn’t be a problem to be in the same space for a few hours.
My take is that I’m grown enough to know who I will and will not surround myself with and I don’t want to be around this person so I’d rather choose to not involve myself anywhere that he will be. Anna said the same thing to her and she’s also upset with Anna.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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avj43f
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{
"description": "calling my boyfriend \"baby\"",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for calling my boyfriend "baby"?
|
I have a lot of nicknames for my boyfriend. Most of them starting with the letter "B".
So one day I called him "baby".
He didn't like it at all. Apparently it's too cringe and overused. I tried to argue against it by saying our other nicknames are pretty cringe too but failed.
Thing is, I can't seem to help it! I sometimes accidentally blurt it out and he gets annoyed at it.
Then a few weeks later, he described some food as "his baby".
Now if he actually hated the word, he wouldn't use it right?
This is no biggie, it's just for a laugh but who's being unreasonable here?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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anldvw
|
{
"description": "being annoyed that my MIL laid on my bed",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for being annoyed that my MIL laid on my bed?
|
My MIL has terrible hips, knees, shoulder, you name it, it hurts. She has to do physio therapy daily that she needs help with from my husband. My husband typically drives over to her house every day to help her with this but this time she came to our house to do it. I found out later that they did the physio on our bed. We have a spare bed in the basement but she doesn't do too well with stairs and we have no railing. I don't know why but I felt sort of annoyed and grossed out by the thought of her laying on our bed. I feel that our bed room is private and if she needs help with the physio it needs to be either done on the bed down stairs or on the couch. Am I being a jerk? My husband says he understands and it won't happen again but maybe I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill? It also annoys me that he has to add 20-30 minutes to his day every day to help with the physio but that's a separate issue.
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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a918by
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{
"description": "telling a friend that the gift they bought me doesn't work",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for telling a friend that the gift they bought me doesn't work?
|
I had a friend from school recently gift me a new box of string lights (which I assume were from Amazon) but after putting the batteries in, I'm pretty sure that the lights are somehow broken. Is it rude to tell them that their gift doesn't work? I don't really care that I was gifted a broken item but I feel like it's a waste since they probably paid money for an item that should be refunded.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b07auk
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{
"description": "just removing someone from the discord server",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I just removed someone from the discord server?
|
We have a discord server with everyone we used to go to high school with that played LOL. When fortnite got big my friend 'dave' started playing religiously that obviously is fine as it's not like you have to play lol exclusively everyone also plays a lot of other typical online games. The problem is Dave always just invites strangers into the discord server and make it a bit awkward.
About 3 months ago Dave invited two boys he had been playing with called mello and roofson. Every time we all go into a voice channel they join and it's awkward. We don't want to talk to the 1. Because they're quite a bit younger than us and 2 because they only ever talk about fortnite. It's also a bit awkward because there are usually a lot of photos of all of us when we're goofing around and things like that.
Since they joined the discord everyone has abandoned it. I know multiple people want to kick them out and demote Dave so he no longer has invite privileges but I know everyone is affraid of the confrontation
WIBTA if I kicked mello and roofson out and demoted Dave?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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|
ap75ne
|
{
"description": "wanting to take a shower first",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For wanting to take a shower first?
|
So my dad gets here at 9 AM and I just got up. Turns out he was taking my sister to see our uncle and aunt. He asked me if I wanted to come and I said sure. I asked if they were ok with waiting 15 minutes so I could take a quick shower and they said fine.
My mother yelled at me that "you can't make them wait, you showered yesterday, you're an idiot." I said just because you don't want to be hygienic doesn't mean I do not.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b75jqs
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{
"description": "making my boyfriend sugarfree salad dressing",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For making my boyfriend sugarfree salad dressing?
|
My boyfriends doctor told him to cut sugar out of his diet as part of a healthy weight loss plan. Last night I looked at the nutrition facts of his salad dressing and noticed that the #2 ingredient was sugar. I barged into the bathroom to show him and told him that I could probably whip up a sugar free version.
He's pretty upset, saying that I'm being too judgy and he doesn't want to have to think about food this hard. I made the salad dressing and it's pretty good. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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af4j6i
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{
"description": "not eating my SO's cooking",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for not eating my SO’s cooking?
|
I would like to preface this by saying I am an extremely picky eater. Everyone knows this, including my partner of 4 years. He LOVES to cook and I have a lot of hang ups about food and it definitely causes conflict.
For a very long time, I wouldn’t eat anything except pasta and chicken. Since dating him, I’ve massively expanded my pallet. However, there are some things (especially vegetables) that freak me out on an existential level. It gives me a lot of anxiety and it makes me feel out of control. My solution is I just avoid those foods. My boyfriend and I set down together and created a list of red flag foods that I will not eat, period, and he does his best to cook around that. However, I recognize that my eating stuff is weird and I’m willing to fend for myself if need be and I /try/ not to limit the things he eats himself based on me.
Today, he made chicken fajitas which in general are an okay food for me. Bell peppers and onions don’t freak me out as much but I still eat around them even at restaurants. He had nicely plated some food for me which contained a lot of veggies. I (politely?) declined his premade plate and made my own with just chicken. I happily ate that. He was very emotional that I refused his cooking, while I feel like I ate exactly what he could expect of me. He made a very big deal that I ignored the plate in front of me to make my own. He said that it is just common courtesy to eat what is made for me as made, and I was being a jerk about it by refusing especially since he’d followed my list.
I tried to explain to him that I view eating as an extension of my bodily autonomy and I will not make myself uncomfortable to be polite. This is not just directed towards him, I do the same thing at any event that eating is expected. I could tell this really upset him as he puts a lot of work into his cooking and was very proud of it. This has happened several times before. He claims that not eating the food is a slap in the face, while I feel like I behaved appropriately and as expected.
Am I the asshole for not eating my SOs food?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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|
avnwls
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{
"description": "being mad at my roommate",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being mad at my roommate?
|
Ok so I’m at college, not really a college so much as a prep school for college, and I live in the dorms. I have gotten along with my roommate fairly good until recently.
Lately she has had a habit of staying up in the middle of the night, which by itself I would have no problem with, as long as she’s quiet and respectful when I’m trying to sleep.
The problem is that she isn’t. I have woken up several times in the past few weeks to her having the light at the sink on, which might as well be like having the room light itself on in the middle of the night, since it’s so bright.
What makes me madder is that the reason why she is up in the middle of the night most of the time is bc she and a friend of ours, C, are sitting on her bed talking. Not whispering. Talking, loud enough to wake me up.
I don’t mind my roommate talking to C, as long as she did it where it doesn’t disturb me trying to sleep. There is a student lounge that is open all night in the dorms where she could talk to C and not disturb anyone.
One of the reasons i am as mad as I am is bc I have driving as my first class in the morning, and I always try to go to bed early to make sure i have plenty of sleep to focus, but I’m always woken up by my roommate.
I’m extremely considerate to her when she’s sleeping. I’m quiet and only turn on just enough light that I need to get ready by in the morning while she’s still asleep, and I point the lamp in my direction, as far away from her as possible. But she does not show the same consideration to me. So, AITA for being mad at her?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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lGIIdOB0vFveoDZLdRcCa9MJfTc9R9ZB
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auuuku
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{
"description": "being pissed at my ex boyfriend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being pissed at my ex boyfriend?
|
long story short, my (f) ex boyfriend cross dresses now. i had a friend send me a picture of his instagram (probably out of shock) account where he cross dresses. he has me blocked on it.
recently my friend sent me a post and asked “isn’t this your old shirt?” and sure enough it was. one of my old favorite shirts that i thought i had lost. i thought, okay, i left it with him and he got it mixed up with his cross dressing clothes. no biggie. i’ll ask for it back.
i messaged his current significant other (who is friends with me) and asked to talk to my ex, because i wanna get my shirt back. i wasn’t mad at all. then they respond and told me that my ex has many things that belong to me and was waiting for me to ask for them back. he was cross dressing with my clothes that i didn’t know he had, instead of telling me he had them in the first place.
i wasn’t mad but now i am. do i have the right to be mad? or is it my fault because i left my clothes with him for so long?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a0roqr
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{
"description": "leaving a potential roommate grouping because I found my own housing solution",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for leaving a potential roommate grouping because I found my own housing solution?
|
A group of people and I (4 people total), all young professionals, will all be moving to a new city and met via Craigslist to meet and move into a rented house together in a couple of months. However, we have run into a lot of trouble due to restrictions about housing (single family neighborhoods so we need a special permit to all live together) and have had some difficulty finding a suitable place that fits all of our needs - location, etc.
​
However, I have seen more listings via Craigslist about existing houses that need just one person to fill a room, etc. and have reached out to some of these as well. WIBTA if I followed through with one of these opportunities and let the original group find a new person/go in with only 3 (which complies with local regulations, no permit required)?
​
It shouldn't be impossible to find a place with this group, but it will be much more difficult, whereas if I find a space for just myself it will obviously be simpler and easier (and cheaper, too).
​
WIBTA?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
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RIGHT
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acx6bf
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{
"description": "returning overpriced phone charger",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA - Returning overpriced phone charger
|
I was on vacation with my family and I realized I forgot to pack my wife's phone charger. I went across the street to a well known pharmacy to buy a cheap one for the stay. They cost $25! I asked the cashier if there were any cheaper ones and he said no, they (corporate, not him, he was really great!) expect people like me to be forced to pay a premium since I'm in a bind without any other options.
I asked him what the returns policy is and he told me as long as I had the packaging and receipt, they will issue full refunds. So after 3 days of using the charger, I returned it for a full refund!
Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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b70hkk
|
{
"description": "disliking a man I willingly donated money to",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for disliking a man I willingly donated money to?
|
Mobile + Throwaway account.
Recently, I joined a small, tight-knit community with people from all places and situations.
One of these guys is a pretty active member of the group, he’s going to college and understandably, there is some financial strain on his family, and they’re already not the most well-off. At this time his house turned out to have some pretty serious issues with the roof. They’ve been having leaks and need over ten thousand dollars to have it entirely redone. This, on top of supporting a kid in college, is tough.
He voiced his concerns in the group, and those who could pitched in. I had some money left over, so I donated 40 bucks. A pittance, but I’m not officially employed, and when I do make money, it’s far below minimum wage because it’s not an actual job. All of us working together barely got over 100$, but we apologized for not being able to help out more.
Not even a few days later, he’s in the group chat bragging about a new gaming laptop his grandparents just gave him. The thing costed over a thousand dollars, brand new, and he wasn’t shy on showing it off and telling everyone about what it could run. I was a little hurt and confused when I heard this. Turns out his grandparents aren’t on the best terms with his parents, and so they didn’t chip in for the house redos. I understood that.
But what I didn’t get at all is why he didn’t sell the laptop and buy a cheaper work one, adding perhaps 700-800$ to the family funds to pay for the roof so that they wouldn’t have to go online to ask for donations. The grandparents would understand because they adore him, and why not use this as an opportunity to convince them to help them as a favor to their grandson, who has to live in the house?
He also has both PS and Xbox gaming consoles, alongside a dedicated gaming pc and now this new gaming laptop, as I later found out, which just adds to my confusion. He currently, to my knowledge, does not hold a job, not even part-time or on campus jobs.
I will NOT be asking for my money back. They still need that tiny bit of money I can give, and I won’t shame them for choosing to do what they do. I just involuntarily get a sour taste whenever I see that guy again, knowing that my money may have served as a justification by him to keep his expensive new gaming laptop.
I voiced my concerns once, but he dismissed it as “it wouldn’t sell for as much because it’s used now,” which is very true, but you’re still looking at something that could fetch over 800$ (at that time, he had it for less than a week.)
AITA for not wanting to talk to him and for thinking he’s not doing the right thing and being selfish and shortsighted? I would never say these to his face, but I feel guilty for thinking these thoughts.
TL;DR Guy who needs money got my donation, has expensive gaming equipment lying around, isn’t contributing to family funds. AITA for thinking he’s selfish and lazy?
|
HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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atp2to
|
{
"description": "not wanting my husband's ex-wife at his 50th birthday party",
"pronormative_score": 24,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA Because I don't want my husband's ex-wife at his 50th birthday party?
|
First a little back story:
My husband and I first started dating 10 years ago.
When we first me, he was in the process of divorcing his ex-wife for the 2nd time. I told him that I never wanted to be the "2nd" woman in a relationship, so I refused to date until his divorce was finalized. He came into work that day, dropped the completed divorce papers and asked if we could go out for wings and beer.
He was the first guy I ever dated (22 and **very** sheltered life), and things were going along pretty well. However, issues started happening when I went out to the west coast to help him get the last of his items from his former life out of storage. After we got the moving truck home and unpacked it, her stuff was every where....To the point that the first thing I would see when I walked through the door was a box with her framed picture on the top of it.
He refused to get rid of any of her stuff, insisting that he was going to send it to her. After dealing with it for a year (and a year of seeing her face every day when I would come home), I'd had enough. Called the fam, packed up my stuff, and moved out.
After a few months and a bad rebound bf, we ran into each other attending a gig of a mutual friend. Sparks re-kindled, and much to my family's dismay, we got back together. When we got back together, he made some serious promises, such as minimizing contact with his ex unless absolutely needed (they ran a business together and had unresolved tax issues from the dissolution of the business). Fast forward a few years and we're married and moving out to the west coast, while she's remarried with kids on the east coast.
Over the years, he's kept minimal contact, but over the last year they've become full blown best friends again. FB posts, chats, emails back and forth, and while I've tolerated it, we've been fighting over it more and more. To the point that during one argument I told him he broke his promise to me when we got back together.
Now, he's significantly older than me and is turning 50 this year. It's going to be a huge birthday bash for him, but he wants to invite his ex-wife. The one who I really do not ever want to meet face to face, and have told him so on multiple occasions. His reply is that it is his birthday and even though he expects me to organize it, he wants her to attend.
AITA for absolutely refusing to invite her and giving an ultimatum that if he wants her there then I will go visit my family instead?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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a627n3
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{
"description": "not wanting to compromise any further on my wedding budget? plus additional existential crises",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to compromise any further on my wedding budget? Plus additional existential crises?
|
My fiance and I specifically pushed our wedding back two years to save up for it, and now his refusal to actually part with the money we saved is driving me crazy.
I have been making compromises from the start based on what I think are very unreasonable expectations from his side. We *both* want our friends and family to be there for our special day and neither of us are willing to cut down the guest list any further than we already have (75 person wedding between two very large families. That sounds like a lot but you have to trust me that *many* difficult cuts were made.) BUT he expects us to be able to have that 75 person wedding for $1000-2000. Me, having actually researched wedding costs in our area, understood that was basically impossible without making things absolutely suck for our guests, so I wanted a budget of $15,000. The compromise budget was $10,000.
I know it seems expensive, but I have done *all* the work and made *all* the compromises while managing all kinds of contradictory expectations. "If you spend over $100 on a wedding you're a vain whore!" oh but "If you don't have an open bar at your wedding you are a cheap, tacky host!" Well guess what people, *you can't do both.* So I am trying my damn best to keep costs down and still have a nice event that I will be proud of:
- I have hand-made/DIY'd as much as I possibly could. I have watched dozens of Pinterest/Youtube tutorials and spent *hours* folding paper flowers and making other decorations.
- My wedding dress is a white prom dress with no veil.
- I am going to be making 150 cake pops myself a day before the wedding.
- I specifically selected a venue that would allow us to choose our own caterer and spent hours researching budget-friendly options.
- Doing my own hair and makeup and doing the makeup for two of my bridesmaids who can't do it for themselves.
- Probably going to end up going with a photography student from the local community college for half the price of a professional.
- No wedding favors.
- DIY invitations from Vistaprint.
- A good friend who is ordained graciously offered to be the officiant for free.
The few things I have chosen to spend the majority of the budget on are the things I think are most important: A beautiful venue that is (most importantly) well-rated and tested with plenty of weddings under their belt, a Day Of Coordinator so I don't have to spend the actual day worrying about planning and pulling it off, and a semi-open bar (beer and wine free + signature cocktail ticket, cash bar for mixed drinks and liquor) and good food for our guests.
Meanwhile my fiance, who has done *nothing*, is fighting me over every damn dollar. Literally the only contribution he has made to wedding planning has been to tell me not to spend so much money on X, Y, Z and whining that "we could do this all for 2k" having done zero actual research or budgeting.
I feel like it would be one thing if he was just wanting a courthouse ceremony with two friends to witness and I insisted on dragging him through this whole rigmarole, but he is absolutely rigid on the one thing that basically makes everything cost more money: the guest count.
I have honestly never felt unequal in our relationship before all this, but for this whole process I have felt like a project manager doing all of the work to make a collective vision happen while my fiance is the stoner employee who doesn't even show up half the time. I feel like I have to suffer a guilt trip for every single dollar spent even though I'm the only one actually *working* to make it cheaper. He has no ideas for how to pull off his 2k wedding vision, he's just upset it isn't happening.
Am I the asshole for wanting a 10k wedding? I know the marriage is ultimately more important, but it's still important to me to share the biggest day of my life with my friends and family. And to be honest, this experience has me worried about his ability to compromise and to step up when things aren't going exactly how he wants. I almost want to ask if I would be the asshole for taking the loss on half the deposits and backing out...or if I am an asshole/bridezilla for even thinking of throwing out the whole relationship over a wedding.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
fGyjw9XU9GsJskPA3myvSd2uqfMAJQ9L
|
9w5gna
|
{
"description": "saying no to a friend who just now, 2 weeks later asked if I could pay them money for giving me a ride when I got locked out of my car",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for saying no to a friend who just now, 2 weeks later asked if I could pay them money for giving me a ride when I got locked out of my car ?
|
Kinda long so bare with me
Two weeks ago my boyfriend and I got locked out of his car at Walmart. We thankfully ended up running into his friends who is another couple. My BF asked if they were busy and if they could take us to go get a spare key at his mom house and he would smoke them up they said sure. It was a 30 minute ride there and back and we thanked them and smoked them up. Now two weeks later One of them message my bf and was asking for money for the ride they gave us.
My BF replied that he thought him smoking them up is what they said and one of them replied “ no... he barely even did any.. and it wasn’t very much either “
Then said how she thought we were giving them money for driving us. Then went on to mention that even 1/8th is 30$ ??
I told my bf to not give them any money because they didn’t ask once nor even indicated paying them for the ride and haven’t said anything until now about it two weeks later.
So Am I the asshole ? Should we pay them back for the ride and apologize ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
oeJglzeH6f4IlnuoqMo0TrEp8xhmy8kX
|
avwyc9
|
{
"description": "\"stealing\" from my fraternity",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for "stealing" from my fraternity?
|
For some background, I (22M) have previously been the secretary, assistant treasurer, treasurer, VP, and President of my fraternity. I have done it all, and was the treasurer for two years. As treasurer I never stole or misplaced a penny. I am a very trustworthy person and all the guys know that. I am in my last year of college and no longer hold any positions, just to be clear.
This past weekend, a group of around 10 of us are at the bar. This bar is cash only, and it is around 2 A.M. and our current President pulls out the fraternity's debit card and tries to buy a round of shots for everyone. Clearly, being cash only this did not work. He then goes on to ask if anyone has cash, and the fraternity will pay them back the next day. I had cash on me, so I agreed to pay for the $50 of shots, as I was promised to be paid back almost immediately. The next day, I sent over a Venmo request for the money. Our president refused to pay me back for the $50 because "he was wasted" and told me to figure out who was all there and request the money for them. Well, I did not want to have -$50 in my account as I have bills to pay. I told him to pay me the money and then he can figure out who has to pay him and request it from them, seeing that it was his idea to order the shots. He was refusing to do this as well. Seeing as how I was previously the treasurer, I still have a debit card in my name so I went to an ATM and took out the $50 that was owed to me.
​
After doing this, the fraternity is acting like I am sort of a thief. I even told the president that I took the money out and he can worry about chasing after people to get what is owed to the account back. So, AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
av1rQRyTXU0JNipWKaf6wFQQkiFVEmVS
|
ashi8g
|
{
"description": "leaving a friends group because they told me I'm an attention seeker",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for leaving a friends group because they told me I'm an attention seeker?
|
Hello guys! I'm new here, so just bare with me, ok? And English is not my first language, so this text will probably have some grammatical errors. Oh, I'm also 16, so prepare for some high school drama.
This all started in the end of 2017, I was in this group of friends that were really nice to me. We had the same type of interests (videogames, anime, music, etc) and I was having a blast of a time. But, one day they started doing a hobby that I wasn't very interested in, and slowly I was distancing myself from the group. Everyday they would talk about the hobby, leaving me out of conversations and stuff. I tried to like the activity so that I could talk something about it, but just found it that it wasn't for me.
When I realized that I was distancing myself from the group, I tried to be more "socially active". I would try to include myself in conversations, throw BBQ parties and do some other crazy stuff, so that I could be able to talk about anything at all, and at a certain time, I realized I was getting desperate for attention. I just wanted to be able to talk to them like it was before.
I admit I did some stupid stuff, like for example, I throwed a pencil in my friend's face because he was talking too much in class , and because I thought that it would be a funny joke (I later apologised). I tried a lot of things to keep our friendship going.
I did that until the start of 2019 (long time, I know) when a friend told me that he was sick of my attention-seeking behavior and wanted me out of his life. He said that he tried to have a friendship with me, but he couldn't because was too much of a pain in the ass for him. 3/4 of my friends agreed with him and I was left shocked. So then I started to vent out every single problem I had with them (I told one of my friends that his relationship was rotten and disgusting to see, for example).
I lost around 8 friends that day, except for my best friend. So, basically I lost my friends because I was craving for attention. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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{
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|
WRONG
|
3ei1Ac40ByjF5RicPezxkD5xFjPcYYXh
|
b8l6cp
|
{
"description": "not paying for the repair",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I wouldn't pay for the repair
|
So, this will be a short one. Obligatory mobile and not first language excuses.
My laptop started acting up around 13 months ago. I took it to a local repair shop and it has been working fine until last week.
So yesterday I went to the same shop. They've checked it. I mentioned , that I've been here with it before. He checked and said it will be repaired under warranty, which was over 6 months ago. I even asked him if it would really be free and under warranty , he said yes without checking I'm a broke college student so avoiding a hefty repair cost would be awesome.
So WIBTA if I just stayed quiet?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 4,
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
rDBAoO45D70ClThNmA9yZmCYAh51L7gZ
|
9ze3u5
|
{
"description": "getting upset with my gf when she said \"a real man would be able to find the car\"",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting upset with my gf when she said "a real man would be able to find the car"
|
So me and my gf went to see some band last night in the city and we naturally pared a few blocks away. We didnt right down the address of the parking garage so were slightly lost trying to make it back to the car. We had been walking for about 10 minutes tops when she said "a real man would be able to find the car" (note I didnt park the car and I'm damn good with directions). I got pretty pissed since I could see where we were parked and she had started walking the other direction back towards the venue we had left.
On the ride home I was in my own world making snarky comments and being a bit of a holeass but I felt (and still feel) somewhat justified in my actions. So AITA for being upset with the woman who says "I love you" to me everyday for questioning my manhood?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
MoZhGVTnPufEjqECU6bPLutHpVrBArj0
|
b2uw2a
|
{
"description": "exposing my friend for cheating",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for exposing my friend for cheating?
|
Background: I have two close friends, A and B. A is a pretty timid and shy guy, who has only been in a few relationships. His last relationship ended in disaster when his ex cheated on him with another guy and when he found out, she left him. It was an incredibly nasty situation that left him with serious trust issues, and he didn't start dating until a solid year after the incident. Anyways, he met my other close friend, B, at a party an they hit it off, and about a week later they officially started dating. FF three months later to the present, and B and I are together talking about life, work, etc, when she casually mentions she's cheating on A. I make sure she isn't joking but it turns out she's been seeing someone else on the side since only a couple weeks after she started dating A. She told me not to tell A and that he would be fine, but I knew this was not true. I told her she should come clean and tell A, especially given his past relationships, but she refused and said it was "no big deal."
​
After having my discussion with B, I waited a while to decide what to do. Because of A's previous relationship and how it ended, I knew he would be devastated and likely have even more trust issues if he found out B was cheating on him, and it seemed like B genuinely cared about A, she just had the other guy as someone to fool around with. However, I eventually decided to tell A in person when we talked a couple days ago, as if he found out directly, I think the shock would have been even worse. Needless to say, he was hurt and distressed, but what I did not expect was him to go on a full-blown rant over social media, essentially exposing B as a cheater, as well as throwing in ad-hominem and personal secrets. The entire thing spread quickly, and soon most of the larger social group that we are all a part of knew about the breakup and the cheating. Because A's previous breakup was well-known, and people pitied him, many people immediately took A's side. Apparently the guy B was cheating with left her too because he thought he was the only one as well. Many people also started to harass B over social media, using the secrets A had exposed on his social media rant to personally target her to the point where she had to quit all social media for the time being, B's closest friends were the only ones who took her side, and they quickly isolated themselves from our larger social group. They also bombarded me with messages, calling me untrustworthy and a fake friend. B has not contacted me directly.
​
I feel really bad for causing such a giant rift in our group, but I also think that it would have been worse if I had not told A, and let the issue fester until eventually A found out in another, more confrontational way. So anyways, AITA for telling A that B is cheating, leading to a massive feud and eventually costing B most of her friendships and becoming a social outcast?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
1u7Ji3IDfgebLSKRFX4ebwALCmFvamb0
|
9vgan1
|
{
"description": "asking my roommate to eat more quietly",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA for asking my roommate to eat more quietly?
|
I’m currently at uni, and I’ve managed to get a pretty good roommate. He’s really nice and chill, but of course we don’t live in perfect harmony. One thing that can kind of bother me sometimes is how he eats. It feels like he drags out his bites, and he makes it so you can hear *everything*, even the long, comical swallow. He also makes this soft moaning sound and breathes heavily when he eats. It seriously sounds like he’s pleasuring himself with food sometimes. It can be really distracting.
I feel like I shouldn’t ask him about it though, as it could be embarrassing. I know I have habits or ticks that I either don’t notice or I would be embarrassed to be told about. I also feel like he’s a lot better of a roommate anyway. I’m messier for sure, and a lot of times I can be up late on my computer (brightness down of course), which he assures is fine. I could always just go to the library too, but sometimes I just wanna study in my room. What do you think?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
UEZl0TFDoHMd76Or7TvcOZWDNP5C6x7R
|
afh1wm
|
{
"description": "being pissed off my husband is at a hotel with his brother",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being pissed off my husband is at a hotel with his brother?
|
Help me Reddit. Me (31f) and my husband (24m) have been married 5 years and have a 1 yr old. At the beginning of our relationship he had a few 'indiscretions ' with some other women that did not amount to cheating but were painful for me. About 6 months ago, I caught him texting and visiting a girl at her workplace. His brother was involved in hiding this from me. I do not believe it went farther and we have since been working on our relationship. I have repeatedly suggested we go spend the night in a hotel to get away a bit, and he has promised to do so once finances stabilize.
Several nights ago he asked if I would be ok with him spending the night at his brother's as a guys night and I agreed. Our relationship has been doing great and trusted him to do that. Today he says they want to go to an indoor waterpark that happens to be in a hotel. It is my understanding they will still be staying at his brother's. I am more hesitant, but I agree. I find out after he leaves the resort requires a room purchase to use the waterpark. He knew this beforehand, and it is his position he thought I realized this. I am very hurt he took his brother for a night at a resort rather than me, (petty I know) and am upset because them staying the night at a hotel was more trust than I was ready for. I feel he worded what the plans were intentionally to leave me with the impression they would be staying at his brother's. This may not be true. Regardless, I called him and we had a giant fight, and part of me wants to take a few days apart to cool off. Reddit, AITA here? Was calling him and possibly ruining his night an overreaction?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
ywQIQHRt7hIqbrE3ntuoyzlPCbHAO9kc
|
aanu7r
| null |
AITA? Uncle has been living with us for almost 3 months and I think it’s time for him to leave
|
Ok so to add some background, I’m in high school and obviously still living with my parents. My father is the youngest of 5 but is doing the best financially out of all of them. One of his brothers, almost 10 years older, was dealing with some money issues aa a result of poor choices and maybe some poor circumstances, Consequently he couldn’t afford to put down a deposit on a new place (he was evicted from his last trailer).
My dad invited him over to stay, which was definitely the nice thing to do. This was before thanksgiving. Since then my father has gone out of the way to provide all kinds of things like new clothes, new glasses, fixing his truck, etc and he also comes out to eat with us and tags along to most things we do. I’m sure he’s thankful but he hasn’t exactly expressed it.
That’s not my problem though. Though this man is technically my uncle, he’s kind of been excommunicated from my extended family and is basically a stranger to me even after months of living in my house. He’s got a job but is always around and if i have to be honest, it’s to a point where i feel a lack of privacy. Imagine having to entertain your parents’ guest even when your parents aren’t home.
Sorry this post has been so long. This whole ordeal has made me realize what a kind man my dad is, but I’m pretty ready for my uncle to leave. There have been a couple instances where he overstepped his bounds and had his drug addicted son (who has beat him up in the past??) over while we weren’t home.
Am I an asshole for hoping he’ll leave?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 5,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
oFNzzEXQcmsJEEroUdxQiWhGBwu0MIF0
|
9x4sfv
|
{
"description": "taking up a power rack for myself instead of letting track runners use it",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for taking up a power rack for myself instead of letting track runners use it
|
So essentially here’s the situation:
On Mon/Wed/Fri for school days, the school’s gym is used by whatever sports team needs it. However, anybody can come in and do what they want providing they are safe and don’t interfere with the team sports.
I’ve been going to weight rooms by myself and lifting alone now for awhile and have had no issues whatsoever from any coach, as for the most part, I know what I’m doing and know correct form and lifting procedures.
However, today, I was doing overhead press alone, like usual, and in the middle of my set, the track coach comes up to me and tells me to rack the weight, right when I’m lifting the weight up. (I’ll come back to this detail later). He tells me that I have to either do something at the free weights area or leave because he needs his players to do deadlift. I then got into a bit of an argument with him as I felt that was ridiculous what he did. In the end, I ended up going to the free weight area and finishing up my workout.
Now I would totally be fine with this if it wasn’t for four reasons:
1. Some football players were doing the EXACT same thing I was independently, in their own power racks, alone, without a spotter.
2. The players that came into my old spot had no clue what they were doing and were fooling around, potentially causing injuries.
3. He wouldn’t let me finish another two or three sets which would’ve taken 5 minutes, simply forced me out immediately.
4. He yelled at me in the middle of my set which is incredibly dangerous for the lifter and anyone near them as it could cause them to drop the weight out of surprise.
Now granted for his viewpoint, he didn’t want me getting injured, and I was struggling on my last rep, which he saw. So that could’ve caused him to perhaps panic a bit. And he also needed to get his players lifting so that they could get out on time.
I’m not sure how to feel about this. Most of me is really pissed off at getting treated like this, but the other small part feels that I maybe should’ve gone easier on him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
Q1UB5gRZV9hjhK6l6HM3wUUiCzFuhcTp
|
9tgttv
|
{
"description": "jerking off to pictures of my friends and lying about it to my so",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for jerking off to pictures of my friends and lying about it to my SO?
|
I'm 18, Male, my former girlfriend was heavily abusive in every conceivable way and left me with quite serious sex and porn addiction. I was finding it hard to satisfy myself and started looking at pictures off Twitter of people I knew, exes, friends, and just people I went to school with. I then started dating my current boyfriend (he's trans and has pretty severe dysphoria. I don't know if this is important but I'll say it anyway) although I still had the same issues so I kept doing it. He eventually found out and I told him a pretty blatant lie about how I was keeping the pictures on my phone to make a meme. He barely believed it but it held for two years.
Two years later he confronted me about it again because for the whole time in between he was silently obsessing about it and it got to be too much so I told him the truth. He told me the worst part was that one of the pictures was of his best friend who he'd internally compared himself to for years.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
MhzVqzUljXkQr9G0dk9pDEJI2iIrsOsi
|
al2jdg
|
{
"description": "opting to make money instead of letting my ex move out",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
WIBTA for opting to make money instead of letting my ex move out.
|
We broke up suddenly on the 11th of this month after I just recovered from a virus. I found out he was lying and when he was truthful he point blank told me after 5ish years that he hasn't loved me in a year. That was in response to me asking him why tinder was on his phone (for the 3rd time). Like 0-100.
So I took time went to work and then we went to dinner where I calmly told him he needed to leave my house at the end of the month which is coming soon. He hasn't packed he plans to travel and come back after trash day so I won't be able to throw away anything he leaves for a week. And personally the lack of effort or care is maddening. So I've been texting all my friends to distract me and get food and junk and reaching out to one older lady friend had her ask me to do her hair the day he comes back (2 days from now.)
So I told him "hey heads up i may not be here doing someone's hair" that can take up to 10 hours depending on the style. I asked him to re work his plans a bit since I don't know what he's doing in terms of when he will be back or when I need to open the door for him.
So he replied I should just leave the door open. I said no it's not safe.
He said I should tell my neighbor to open the door for him. I said no she just went through another jaw surgery I know she's not feeling well (we both get body pains due to blood conditions or medical procedures so we talk and share do some salts sometimes) and it's really better to just re plan this. So I said why don't you pick up your stuff on Friday.
To which he responded with "so I'm just supposed to be here in the cold with out my stuff until Friday."
I don't know why but this made me snap. In my mind I'm thinking what?? Your coming back from a work trip you have a suitcase with clothes, and you have ample time to ask to crash somewhere. Not only that but you weren't going to stay after packing so you're not just in the cold.
So I responded with this
"Are you trying to guilt me or something? Am I not giving you notice to my plans? Figure your self out! I'm not leaving my door open it's dangerous. I'm not bothering Jackie she just got surgery. It's not my fault you fucked up and have no place to live, you've been in that position long enough you would think you would be used to the cold already. I'm telling you my plans if you can't do the same because you don't want to that's on you. "
And now I'm being told by some friends that I should just let him leave it'll be quick do hair another day it's not a big deal. The basic complaint is just let him in on that day so he s out of your life and we can forget about each other.
I quoted this woman a base of 150.00 and she always tips well. I don't feel like catering to him. Does that make me an asshole? maybe im taking out my anger by saying yes to those plans?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
b3gbqn
|
{
"description": "not doing my job",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for not doing my job?
|
So I work in a small business doing something that is very specialized. Because of that, I'm going to go light on the details of what I do.
My boss is much older than me. Two generations older than me. He harbours a lot of negative opinions towards modern technology and instead sticks to old fashioned ways of doing things.
My boss isn't interested in any kinds of radio or TV ads and absolutely abhors the idea of advertising online. Instead, he has me do things like go and visit other businesses that are in the same industry to tell them about what we do and hand out flyers, and stick leaflets in mailboxes and on doorsteps when I am working in a nice neighborhood.
He usually has me devote 2 entire work days a month to doing 'visits', and because I am the second highest paid person in the building, it isn't cheap for me to spend 2 entire days doing these things. He has me specifically do them because I present well to people.
I personally believe that these visits are not only a waste my time, but they actually hurt the image of the business. Typically when I go into another business I just get the receptionist and she very clearly isn't interested so I try my best to be polite and use the least amount of her time as possible, but I cant help but feel that I am bothering her and making her have negative opinions toward us, which she will inevitably voice to her coworkers, making them feel the same way. I feel as though I'm some sort of door-to-door solicitor when in reality we have a great little business and are extremely reputable. I've been asked many times to stop coming back, and I always oblige and be as polite as possible, and then wince when I get to the work truck because I feel as though I just tarnished the reputation of the business I'm working so hard to build up.
I think that this type of advertising maybe could have worked about 50 years ago, but it just isn't up to date. The amount of online advertising he could do for two days of wages for me would make way more sense in my opinion. I've told my boss three times how I feel about doing these visits but he still insists I do them; however, I usually spend the majority of the day in a coffee shop or visiting friends instead of actually going around and doing the visits. I maybe visit 2 or 3, instead of the 14 to 18 I'm supposed to go to.
To be honest, I feel like I'm an asshole for not doing what I'm being paid to do, but on the other hand, I feel like I'm saving our reputation by not making us look like solicitors. Am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
lldcAq2RwDViVazgJA6oV4IPAEqjdFYV
|
aq4ejg
|
{
"description": "wanting to cut ties with my emotionally dependant ex-gf that cheated on me",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to cut ties with my emotionally dependant ex-gf that cheated on me?
|
Long story short, I met this girl a year ago and after some months of friendship we ended up dating. She has always been quite fragile and emotional, but I hoped things would get better with time
Because of studies, we are now living nearly ten hours apart by car, and because of a tight timetable we cant really see each other. She called me a lot and I thought it was alright, although she behaved quite weirdly.
One night we were talking by phone and she mentioned feeling uneasy now she's back at birth control. She never had it when we were going out, so it felt weird. I thought she was trying for next time we meet, so I mentioned it in the next call and she just ignored it, and it startled me.
She called me a few nights back, crying, and telling me she had felt really sorry, and that she missed me too much and needed someone and had seem someone else, that became more than one, to one-night stands with many guys any time she felt lonely. I snapped, told her to fuck off, and I was unable to sleep that night
These few days she has been trying to act supportive, saying she's sorry and I deserve better. I told her she was right and that I dont want to know more about her, even if she really feels sorry, and she has been messaging me and calling me about how she's gonna kill herself for me leaving her cz she cant live without me
Today I'm gonna block all ties with her and go to her house here to pick my stuff (her sister has agreed with me and my decission
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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2iAA70KpKULA9bUm9otR4OaM0Isal17g
|
9u8uy4
|
{
"description": "not wanting to be friends with someone who is special needs",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to be friends with someone who is special needs?
|
One of my friends is super nice to everyone, and this one kid, let’s call him Johnny (who I’m pretty sure has special needs) only talks to my friend and no one else.
Johnny is kinda of lonely and wants to make new friends this year since we in high school. He wants to “turn a new leaf”mask he says over and over.
Since he wants friends and I talk to his only friend, that made him come after me.
Your probably feeling bad for Johnny, but don’t. He is an asshole to everyone, he takes their things and breaks them, crumbles up other kids homework, and verbally abuses anyone who makes one tiny mistake.
Anyway this kid is super mean to me and another one of my friends (calling him Luke) yet he begs us to be his friends.
Johnny has been really bad recently and has been following us around, mocking us then having a fit when Luke and I scream at him to go away. I will admit I have been very rude to him, but I only do it when he’s been mean to me first.
I’m starting to feel bad about my actions in being rude to him, but I don’t want to be associated with Johnny at all because of his tendencies. Am I the asshole for not wanting to talk to him and being rude to him?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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2LLLtalNASKbUCs3NwDaUANBOqWoDWTZ
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aj4jf8
|
{
"description": "wanting to sleep",
"pronormative_score": 0,
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|
AITA for wanting to sleep?
|
TL;DR at the bottom
A little bit of context:
I (29M) live with a 51-year old man. We met 10 years ago when he coached me in acrobatics and since he didn't have kids and since my family situation was not the greatest, he became sort of like a father or a brother to me. We've been living together for a long time (though we sometimes spend a few months apart when he goes on vacation in his hometown during summer & Christmas). Over the last year, I've fallen into a rather severe depression with anxiety issues. My roommate has been super understanding and supportive, but sometimes he acts in a rather immature and unreasonable way, at least in my perspective.
Because of my depression/anxiety, last night I couldn't sleep at all. I had an anxiety attack and was generally super stressed out. I decided to stay up and try to take my mind off of it by playing video games on my PC in the kitchen until I couldn't keep my eyes open.
Usually, my roommate is very respectful and tries to keep somewhat quiet. Not that it would matter because when I sleep, I'm usually deeply asleep that him doing chores around the house don't bother me in the slightest. And it's good too, because not having a girlfriend or kids, he's often bored. But a week ago he decided to order a drill on Amazon to start a new project, he just likes building stuff. Unfortunately for me, he received it yesterday.
You can guess what happened. Since I went to sleep at around 10 AM (he was still asleep by then, I couldn't tell him about my anxiety attack), obviously I was still sleeping at 12:30 PM, when he decided to use his drill. I can sleep through a lot but that one was a little too much. When he came close to my room to pick some stuff, I asked him if he could wait until I was up to use his drill. He sounded upset and said, "It's 12:30!"
I had a doctor's appointment at 2:30 so I got up at 1:30 anyway. He stopped using his drill but he was pretty upset. I've known him for so long I can tell when he's in a bad mood. So when I came back I immediately felt the tension. I wasn't personally mad at him, right now I'm mostly just tired as hell but his attitude when I asked him about it really bothers me. I feel like he's putting all the blame on me. His argument is, he can't stop himself from doing stuff just because I'm asleep. And I partially agree, it sucks for him if he has to keep quiet while I sleep, but I've had a lot of sleep issues for some time now and when *he* decides to stay in bed until 1 PM and I'm up at 6 am, I stay as quiet as I can. Or whenever he has to get up early in the morning and then comes back and take a nap in the afternoon because he's tired.
From my perspective, he just got a little too excited that he got his drill yesterday and really wanted to use it. He got angry because he knew the right thing to do was to wait, but he didn't want to. And now he's guilting me into going to bed so late, taking a one-hour nap yesterday in the afternoon, and having anxiety in general.
I don't want to argue with him and I'm staying calm even though he isn't, but it's still irritating to me. I come from a house where people would make noise on purpose at 8 AM just because *they* were forced to get up early for work (while I worked in the afternoon), and it feels just about the same. He works for a whole 3 hours tonight, so I guess he thought he wouldn't have time to use his drill at all today and would have to just wait and be bored until I decided to get up. I think he's in the wrong, but I'm not looking to *win* an argument, but rather understand it. AITA here? Is there something I have missed, or do I not have perspective because this is affecting me directly?
TL;DR: Had an anxiety attack last night, didn't go to bed until early in the morning, roommate decided to say fuck it and make a lot of noise at 12:30 PM because he didn't want for me to wake up.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
|
AkIY8eyPPHNK3oViRhVRwFf0fG4N4IWQ
|
apryep
|
{
"description": "getting mad about him asking me to fold the towels",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting mad about him asking me to fold the towels
|
I admit the topic frustrates me because I use two bath towels in the time he uses 6+ and just leaves them on the floor. I still often just gather them and do a load when mine are used enough times. I also will jokingly say "another fucking towel" dramatically when I find one in the bed when I lay down. I almost always laugh it off.
A few days ago I asked John to wash a load of towels as we had a small pile of kitchen ones. I'm pretty sure that I heard his eyes roll but he obliged. Two days ago I see that once dry he just pulled them out onto the floor (on top of another pile of his previously dried clothes). I dug my towels out to shower and groaned audibly. Because inside I'm screeching. Last night I had to do a load because I'm out of socks and I "ask" in an admittedly annoyed tone that he please put the towels away. He says "can you?". I breathe because I'm irrationally angry at this point about this simple laundry. And just say "can you just do it it won't take much time. " to which his reply is "if it won't take much time then you just do it". I just wanted him to clean up the pile before I need to dry my socks ffs.
I'm absolutely pissed at this point because we both have an issue with seeing the other's housework efforts for some reason. It's something we have fought about and it continues to come up. Either he's gotten better about picking up or I've gotten better at acknowledging it. Maybe both. Regardless this is pretty much the pain point of the relationship which I feel lucky to say. I often struggle knowing if I'm being rational. For me it felt balancing for him to do the towels possibly for the first time on 6+ months and I feel like he just decides he's done enough and often refuses to do more. Sometimes he's working and sometimes he is watching YouTube.
An important note is that neither of us are the cleanest but we both usually do a mass cleanup of our laziness at least once a week. I did suggest a trello board or something (it's a project management thing with an app) so we can track our tasks and prove to each other what we do but he said he will not do it because it's too micro.
Am I an asshole here? Should I just swallow my irritation and fold the damn towels and stop complaining? I'm trying to avoid unnecessary background so hopefully I didn't exclude anything that's relevant. We're talking about it tonight because last night I just calmed down and told him i found what he said to be rude and disrespectful. I was winding down for bed and knew I wouldn't sleep much otherwise.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
OZOUHoxMsgRkrmOg2i1e7WBuD3CYOEqe
|
abuzo7
|
{
"description": "not wanting to write my brother a good recommendation",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to write my brother a good recommendation?
|
So I haven't spoken to my oldest brother since April. Long story, but I got sick of his manipulation of my mom and told him he was a disappointment and to not talk to us anymore.
That was also his 30th birthday.
Anyway, he's always been into drugs and is always either selling them or doing them or in a gang or in jail. Ever since he was around 15. And since then he has fought my mom, fought my dad, fought my other brother and just in general tortured me.
If he would spend time in jail, and then get out, he would be good. And he was a good brother when he was clean and sober, but the alcohol and drugs messed him up and made him a horrible person to everyone around...he would never stay clean long and always go back to drugs and alcohol and fighting.
So on to the letter,
He recently got put in prison (hes only ever been in jail before) in another state and he wrote everyone in my family a letter.
Mine was really nice, he apologized for being a jerk to me growing up and everything. And it was nice, but afterwards my mom said that he needs us to all write him really nice recommendation letters to get him paroled.
He does not get to go in front of the parole board, just his lawyer and if you write a nice letter, that goes too.
So, hes facing five years and if he gets paroled he will only have served 1 year.
I dont want to do it. I think he just apologized to get me to write a letter, and I dont want to do it.
Every time he goes to jail he gets out early, he never learns and he thinks hes bullet proof.
I want him to stay in. To show him that he has to pay for his actions. He needs to stop getting out early because I feel like it teaches him that'll he'll just be able to get off if he does it again.
I'm over it. He needs to figure his life out.
So, am I the asshole for not wanting to write this letter or recommendation and for encouraging my family not to either?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ZMfIIHrjP1SHcFqtzNnJT2Go3hlt428v
|
9uj1vn
|
{
"description": "punching my girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For punching my girlfriend?
|
Alright my girlfriend and I just recently rented an apartment. I work in construction and one day on the job my buddy that works longside and I were messing around demolishing this old house, an old lady lived there and died and my buddy and i were lucky enough to find some pretty decent jewelry to take home. So we are tearing down walls, removing furniture and we thought it was funny to play with the sledgehammer, we were smashing vases, plates, picture frames, it was a blast, not to lie but we were a little high on drugs at the time. so he ended up accidentally smashing my ankle, so I ended up having a fucked ankle that i couldnt walk on. There was no way I could afford the medical bill so I just went with toughing out the pain. So come along my girlfriend and I are drinking with one of my buddy's one night in the living room getting drunk, when I go to the bathroom i take a moment to put my ear to the door to hear my girlfriend say "you want it?" And then I hear a sound simmilar to a buckle unbelting and 10 secs later I hear my buddy groan. I am too drunk to process what was going on at the time so i take my piss, flush the toilet, and when i come out of the bathroom I see him lying on his belly with his face in vomit on the carpet. So i pat him on the back, help him up, and tell him to get home. So next morning I had a huge hangover, and I remember last night and put the pieces together, and it hit me over the head, I realized my girl was giving my friend top last night. So then I'm thinking of a way to confront her about it. And i had the perfect plan. So later that night when she comes home from work she seems drunk, not drunk but absolutley piss drunk. she lays on the couch and throws her purse on the ground, i see her wallet fall out and i see her needles, pictures of us, lighter, checkbooks, and what i saw in her wallet caught my eye, it was a condom, now i know this may sound weird but me and my girl never use condoms, like ever. Not once have we used them, and I see that this condom wrapper was already opened, so it meant she used it on some other man. Which was almost definitley my buddy. So I let her rest and when she wakes up its 10am, she goes to the fridge to get a bud light, and then we have our routine oral. So she's giving me top and it's amazing, then i remember that she cheated on me. So im about to tell her, then she tells me "it isnt as hard as it always is, whats the matter?" So I get angry and i push her and yell "thats why you givinf my homeboy top on the side! Damn hoe! How could you do this?" So she gets all angry at me and smacks my cock, and it hurt a lot, so then i punched her jaw and it was lights out for her, then she falls down and immediately throws up. So then I immediatley regret it and i hug her and kiss her and tell her im sorry i didnt mean to do it. I didnt mean to punch her. Am I the asshole for punching her?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
|
neQivSPoQOB8ZqsOhezaLcbMlRrxDUnN
|
asdd2a
|
{
"description": "not being extremely happy about getting \"good\" grades",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not being extremely happy about getting "good" grades
|
I'm writing on mobile so sorry for any issues
I (14F) usually have quite good grades and is seen as the smart person/ nerd of the class.
Because I usually do good on tests/ get good grades I get a bit "down" (a bit annoyed at myself is probably the best way to explain it) if I get a lesser grade than I had hoped for. This really isn't a problem to me cause I usually get motivated to study harder next test. The whole problem really stems from the fact that I'm apparently not allowed to feel this way cause other people would still see the grades I got as "good" grades. I've never said the grade I've gotten is shit or anything like that, they usually just call me the asshole when I'm not happy/ staying quite when they talk about how happy they are with their grade etc. I have some friends with worse grades than me (they aren't failing or anything) that get extremely annoyed and offended when I for say am not happy with a B and they got a C and saying I'm an asshole cause I "think they're bad" (which I don't).
This in general isn't horrible and I can live with it but I kinda just want to know if I'm actually TA and should be happy about the grade.
Sorry for shit grammar english isn't my first language.
So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ho9MklaaFvGkezcipEMMNu5PkTnJm2Wk
|
b0v9pr
|
{
"description": "telling two squabbling employees of restaurant to \"shut the hell up\"",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling two squabbling employees of restaurant to “shut the hell up”
|
I went in to my favorite ramen restaurant today. Just like any other day, i went for a late lunch and sat at the bar top while the rest of the place was practically empty. My server and one of the cooks preceded to have a conversation about who was fucking up the most out of the two of them and the cook kept telling him that he’s the worst employee of the bunch and it’s his (the cooks) job to make sure my server stays in line. My server smarted off to this guy and the cook got very hostile and went on an offensive and said “I’m about thirty seconds from putting your ass on the floor.” My server responded back with a bit of force and volume “Is like to see you fucking try.”
Now, this is all happening literally 5-7 feet away from me, in a small ramen shop that is nearly empty except the staff, myself and 1 maybe 2 other customers.
As soon as the cook said that I chimed calmly, yet firmly in with... “ The two of you need to shut the hell up or go in the back. I’m here trying to enjoy a peaceful lunch and you two are just fighting over petty shit and I honestly don’t care to hear any of it. So either shut the hell up or leave”
I honestly was as only audible enough for them to hear and likely the other customer heard. But we are all in a quiet place about 20 feet wide. Both employees just stopped and stood in a sort of shock for a few moments. Very uncomfortable the cook began to try and justify his side to me and I shut him down again with a “I don’t care. This is some petty shit.” I feel like a really did just break up an impending fight between these two. Although, my server was honestly not very much on the offensive in this convo and I sort of felt like he was maybe a new person. I was otherwise in my typical cheery, polite and grateful mood as usual. I’m pretty sure word got around to the other employees of what happened because ever single person in that place stopped by my seat to see if I had everything I needed.
Ate my food, pre stacked dishes, tipped 20+% and left.
Am I really the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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SuRKiK2gYXsTnhaCbL9r4ruy8lJQDL7n
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a9eekn
| null |
AITA Did I betray my SOs trust?
|
My partner and I have been together for over five years now, and recently they've been going down hill. Badly. Depression has gutted their life to the point they've almost zero social interaction, have left any gainful employment and currently we are living on credit. I myself have just come out of a fairly serious episode of depression involving 2 suicide attempts that ended in ED visits... but things have actually been looking up for me. I have hope for the future and I've been making real steps in taking responsibility for my life and actually contributing. But as I've improved, my SO has declined severely...The worst part is when they tell me they wish they were dead and they'll do it often and seemingly unprompted, leading me to think it's not an actual desire to die, but expressing negative feelings in the only way they think does it justice. And I hope that if i can show them that things can improve, they'll lose that despair and no longer need to express it as a desire to die. Now at this point you're thinking they need help and yeah, that's true. I've been encouraging them to get help of course, but anything remotely resembling pressure seems to have a negative effect, which i empathize with, having gone through it also, so shrinks and meds have been used sparingly but never consistently, and never for long, and I've been reticent to do anything more than appeal to them to seek aid.
So last night (christmas eve) my SO asked me to do something that I didn't want to do (just out of sheer laziness I guess) so i complained about them leaving it to the last minute and then asking me to do it. Naturally things exploded and we fought. I expressed that the tone I used during my complaint was a build up of never being able to express criticism (even warranted stuff like leaving rubbish lying around till ants show up) because each time I mention something, a fight like the one we were having ensues. But as much as I felt I was in the right, my tone was still a bit shit and the fight devolved into my SO screaming that they hated me, insults, and that they were going to kill themselves. Now like I said earlier about the "I want to die" stuff, while I take them seriously as an expression of despair, I don't generally consider them an intention to act unless there is a plan involved. At which point they mentioned they had transferred all their remaining money to me, to ensure I would be okay for a while longer and then they were going to kill themselves. Here, I felt powerless to do anything, I realized everything I had said was having no positive effect and not only was my SO in a bad place, they were declining. So I said to them maybe it's time we thought about them going to an acute care facility.
It was like pouring gas on a bonfire. Things got even worse and they said they would leave and began to prepare to do so. So I used that time to call paramedics, which once my SO discovered I was doing, ran off. In the time it took me to find my shoes and chase after them, I had lost them. At that point the police showed up as is protocol for any emergency call involving mental health. After a search of a few hours I got a phone call from my SO saying they were fine and to leave them alone. Not being convinced I talked them into returning home and I called off the search. The police of course had to ensure that everything was okay due to protocol and came to my house to speak to my SO. At which point they insisted my SO come with them to the hospital to let the doctor see them. Basically they said you can choose to come or we can make you come. So we all went down the hospital and eventually saw the doctor. It was Christmas by then.
At that time my SOs mood had improved and they were able to handle small talk with the doctor, so they doctor basically said that my SO seemed to be past any significant danger, however I would be more aware of any issues and so if i said my SO would have to stay, then likely they would have admitted them. I asked my SO what they would want and they said to go home. Aware of how poor the health systems empathy is and not wanting to force my SO to get help, as it would likely just make things worse. I said I would keep an eye on them and we came back home.
My SO tells me they can never trust me again after what I did. That I forced them to go to hospital and it was all a waste of time. Part of me understand because of my own history, and part of me thinks I should have spoken up. But it's been a few hours now and my SO is home and in a much better mood.
Am I the asshole? Did i overreact and betray their trust in me to keep their secrets, no matter how bad? The one touchstone they have in there depression? Considering my own dealings with depression, I don't know. I don't even know if I should have said something more at the hospital or not.
Combined with zero word from friends or family, even to wish merry Christmas, sitting here alone in the dark staring at a screen with the remains of McDs as my christmas dinner, This is shaping up to be possibly the worst Christmas ever. At least my SO is getting some needed sleep.
Merry Christmas.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
ATEpiEWuqOgKbXGhlvkp0bSw1jBUJIex
|
a4uz9m
|
{
"description": "being giving advice to two friends",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being giving advice to two friends
|
I have a buddy that started liking this girl, and that girl has now become close friends with our entire friend group. At the time she had a boyfriend of 5 or so years, well anyways a few weeks ago she broke things off with her boyfriend. Before the breakup my buddy was sending her some very emotional texts about how he had a thing for her before she got with her boyfriend. Hard core crushing.
She understands that he has a thing for her and she has repeatedly told him that she isn’t ready to date him but alas he fawns over her and becomes very aggressive and possessive when I’m around. From what I understand that he feels like I’m trying to steal her.
However this girl came to me in confidence about how I feel towards him liking her. I told her that I feel like his attraction is obsessive. This friend is a very nice hooman, and entertains his company even when she wants to leave. I just feel like he will become overly invested much too quick, and were things to go south it would be absolute devastation. My buddy is a borderline bipolar and very pessimistic about life.
Tl;dr a friend asked for my opinion on her situation and now I feel like my friend thinks I’m trying to fuck his crush
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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yttMgQqDGj8BHwbHjtxL4JjBqJjUvlkv
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b2tvr7
|
{
"description": "wanting to Impress my (then)girlfriend",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For Wanting To Impress My (then)Girlfriend?
|
First time posting here. The title sounds awful but let me explain.
A little detail about me, from time to time, I like picking up or dropping off people (that I know) on my way to or back from school since I think that It's a nice thing to do, you know, save em a mile of walking or even money (bus rides). I drive a van at the time so, plenty of room. The girl that I picked up is someone I knew since elementary and middle school. My then girlfriend, NOW ex, and I were dating for about a months so I was in that phase where I wanted to impress her by showing her, or in this case, telling her how caring I can be.
The day before this all went down, I asked my girlfriend If she was down to go on a movie date with me, to which she replied with a happy "yes". Fast forward a day and It's around 4pm. I got out of work and was on my way to Walmart. While driving I saw a girl that I knew from Elementary and her family, 3 younger siblings, one looked like she was about 15 years of age, the other two looked no older than 7-8, along with her mother and what I assume to be her bf/brother, walking out of Walmart with heavy baggage. Thought nothing of it, went into Walmart got what I needed and left. Drove back from Walmart, I saw the same girl and her family. Still carrying heavy looking groceries. The kids year old were carrying 2 bag each, looking a little too heavy. The bf/bro had a bag of coals on a should and bunch bags with on the other. Everyone had something to carry. Feeling sorry, I pulled over, waited for the family to reach my van, which I then got out of the van and asked if they'd like a ride home and that I wouldn't mind. They reluctantly agreed. I helped loading their groceries onto my van and asked for their address We were off. The family thanked me after I dropped them off at their house and apologized for the inconvenience, which I didn't mind. I was happy to help.
Later that day, 5:45pm, movie starts at 6:10, I picked up my girlfriend and we were off to the theaters. Wanting to brag to her about how caring of a boyfriend I am. Told her that I saw an old friend from elementary, who happens to be a female, and her family, walking with a heavy load. Offered to give them a ride home. My girlfriend goes silent throughout the whole ride to the theater. Half way through the movie, she silently blew up at me for, and I quote, "Picking up a slutty bitch in the streets and having the balls to tell her about it" That REALLY took me by surprise. Baffled, I said "Wait what? That's what you took from my story? I picked up a FAMILY not just A girl" Kid you not, she replied "Her family's not the problem here. You don't talk to your girlfriend about picking up sluts" I didn't want cause a scene and left with her. I tried explaining to her once more on the way out but she just kept saying the same thing over and over. Eventually I gave up and apologized for picking up a girl, dropped her off at her place and didn't message her that night. AITA here?
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HISTORICAL
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{
"description": "coming with my girlfriend to a meeting with her boss",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for coming with my girlfriend to a meeting with her boss?
|
Hi guys, just to preface this: my girlfriend doesn't think I'm the asshole, but she thinks I'm overreacting. Most of the people I talked to agreed with me, but some thought I was being controlling and I wanted to get more opinions.
My girlfriend is quitting her job and recently found a new one (part-time). The store hasn't opened yet, so everyone needs to be trained. The boss demanded she put in her two weeks at her current job in order to train for the new job. Her new boss didn't send a training schedule, or even a message about it. Grand opening was 2 weeks away at the time she put in her 2 weeks. A week passed, and her boss texted her back after she asked about training saying Grand Opening was pushed back. Training would start soon.
At this point, I figured it was just a case of bad management. But today, her boss texted her asking to meet for coffee to 'discuss training'. I don't understand this. He asked ONLY her (she confirmed with her coworkers). He had already told her she wouldn't be a shift lead, so why does he have to talk with ONLY her? Even if he changed her mind, why would he only promote her? It's a team of 10-15 people, more than 1 shift lead is required (especially since she is only working 2-3 days/week).
I'm not sure of his exact age, but I believe he is at least 30 years old. She's 18. I don't understand what he can have to discuss with her about training. If he did want to promote her to be a shift lead, why does he have to meet her for coffee outside of work? How can he know if she is competent? Why can't he text her or call her?
After so much thinking and talking, I decided to go with her (she invited me because she thought I was being paranoid). Am I really being paranoid? Isn't it creepy for a 30+ man to meet an 18 year old girl for coffee to discuss work, when there's really not much to discuss?
The reason why I'm so persistent about this is because I'm a manager at my current job (I work full-time though). I've hired and trained people, participated in grand openings multiple times, etc. I've never heard of this happening. I've never had to meet anyone outside of work to 'discuss training' either. Am I the asshole for going? For thinking this is creepy and she shouldn't be alone?
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HISTORICAL
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| null |
AITA/Relationship rivalry
|
So this is a long story; My boyfriend when we were about 6 months into a relationship went away with his best friend at the time to celebrate that she had graduated from grad school. This was planned about a year before we even met. The person he went on the trip with was also his ex. So for months before and months after my best friend kept saying he would/did cheat. He did not. We chose to move in together recently and she kept saying we would break up. Now that we are living together and discussing marriage she keeps saying not to hold my breath. She recently began talking to some guy in France (we live in California). She went to France to meet him. She keeps telling me they are so in love and so perfect but that I can’t move onto the next step with my relationship and get married. I’m not listening let’s say that too. But I have her my honest opinion that I don’t she and the boyfriend would not last. She has NEVER had a boyfriend she didn’t cheat on and he had a girlfriend when they were first talking. Am I an asshole for saying they won’t last? I’ve asked her for over a year to not say rude things about my boyfriend and now she is angry that I said what I felt.
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HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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{
"description": "getting out of work 15 min late and not telling the person picking me up",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for getting out of work 15 min late and not telling the person picking me up?
|
So it started when I got off of work about 8 minutes late tonight (at 7:38 pm). I would’ve just headed out the door to go home if I didn’t remember that I needed to pick up my holiday bonus check from the customer service desk. So I waited in line while they dealt with a really rude dude at the front. I realized a couple minutes in that I should probably text my sister (the one picking me up) what was holding me up, but that was of course the moment they finally called me up to desk. I got my check (woohoo!) and everything seemed fine.
When I got to the car where my sister was waiting, though, she tore me a new one for being about 15 minutes late. She said that all she wanted was to pick me up quickly and go home. I explained what had happened but she insisted that she had work in the morning so this was hugely inconvenient. We ignored each other for the rest of the car ride. I did apologize when we got home, saying that I couldn’t help when I got off work but I could’ve chosen to not get my bonus check. She still stormed off to her room in a huff and hasn’t said a word to me. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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ajpld7
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{
"description": "inviting my grandpa to my graduation party",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTA if I invited my grandpa to my graduation party?
|
I’m graduating from college this summer, and I’m already trying to come up with party ideas since most of my family lives out of state. Our schedules are pretty different, and it was disappointing for everyone when they couldn’t have enough heads up to see me graduate from high school. I also meticulously overplan EVERYTHING.
My grandpa is my dad’s father, who was not a present or consistent part of his life. When he was in it, he treated my dad and uncle terribly. It’s something that still affects them in their 50’s. However, they still love my grandpa and try to include him when they can. I don’t like him, and neither do my mom and cousins. Not only do I dislike him for how he’s treated my dad, but he also makes me uncomfortable because it’s so obvious he sees me as a way to overcompensate not being there for my dad. And even then, he’s done nothing for me, and doesn’t really make an effort to be in my life. Our relationship isn’t necessarily a bad one, but I’ve kept my distance for personal reasons. Full disclosure, nobody in my family really knows how I feel about him.
My cousin is three years older than me, and graduated a while ago. He explicitly did not want my grandfather to attend, for reasons similar to mine, but he has more of a “relationship” with him than I do because they live closer together. This caused a huge shitstorm in my family. My cousin got shit for it for several months and still does. My dad and uncle AND paternal grandma (divorced from my grandpa when my dad and uncle were kids, has had limited contact since) kept demanding to know why he wasn’t invited, and went so far as to blame my aunt for manipulating him since my aunt doesn’t like him either. This obviously wasn’t true, my cousin just really hates him and didn’t want him to ruin his graduation, but nobody would listen. Even now, years later, I hear about it from my dad.
My question is, WIBTA if I didn’t invite him to my graduation? My older cousin is like a brother to me and I know he would be upset and betrayed if I invited my grandpa, but if I don’t invite him, my entire family will give me shit. It’ll be ruined either way, honestly. But I don’t want the stress of knowing my grandpa and cousin will face each other to hang over my head.
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HYPOTHETICAL
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{
"description": "telling a Dental Hygienist I wouldn't be her 1st Scan Patient",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA For Telling a Dental Hygienist I Wouldn’t Be Her 1st Scan Patient?
|
So to set the background, after 4 decades of having jacked teeth and being that guy who only does closed lipped smiles, I decided to get InvisAlign this year (for those who don’t know what that is, it’s clear “plates” that are put over your teeth and switched out every few weeks - They do the work of braces but are nearly invisible). I’m paying for this out of pocket, as my dental insurance won’t cover it, but I have an opportunity to do so, and luckily I have the means this year to get it done.
I went in last week for my initial appointment, where they use this giant pen device to take a 3D model of your teeth for creating the plates. The first hygienist (we’ll call her H1) takes your typical oral x-rays, before leading me into a chair where I’ll get this scan done.
Hygienist 2 (H2), is in there and starts going doing my scan, with H1 looking over her shoulder. During this scan (which takes a while as they’re going through each tooth, H2 is asking a lot of questions of H1, such as “How do you get the angle for that tooth?” And “So, when the color is green, what does that mean? And what about red?”. In the meantime, I’m just laying back and listening with my mouth wide open.
Next, H1 asks H2 “Yeah, I’m really supposed to learn how to do this. Hey, do you mind if I do the upper quadrants?” H2 proceeds to say “Sure!” and continues work on the bottom row. Now, during this whole exchange, no one has said a damn word to me to ask if I’m OK being the guinea pig, or if there’s any risk the plates might come out wrong, etc either costing me time, money, pain, or all three.
So we get to the upper set and H2 is ready to pass the baton, at which point I mention I’m not so sure I’m comfortable with it. Again, it seemed from my layman’s position in the chair listening in, that H1 (who seems extremely nice, mind you), may not even know how to turn the damn thing on from her questions never mind operate it properly.
H2 tells me not to worry about and continues, as does H1 but she seems a bit pissed and mentions she’s been a hygienist for decades. Now I’m starting to feel a bit guilty - Is this brain dead simple and foolproof and I’m being overly cautious? I mentioned (trying to help) that if someone explained how it couldn’t “mess up” and/ or asked me first I probably would have been OK, but that didn’t seem to matter.
I’m torn in being a bit pissed that I’m paying (a lot of) cash and that’s not to provide on-the-job training, but I wonder also if I was simply nervous and being overly cautious. Am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
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WRONG
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af14pc
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{
"description": "not liking my girlfriend's cats",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not liking my girlfriend's cats?
|
My girlfriend has two cats and she is very much bothered by when I don't pet them, or pet then equally. I am not really a cat guy and I give her dog much more love which can be seen I admit. My whole family is severely allergic to cats, and I might be too. I've bee letting her main cat John that she's had forever. Sleep on me while I spend the night I've started to wake up with my eyes itchy and puffy. Her mother has actually considered this a problem in our relationship because I don't care for her cats. I've tried recently but I don't really to touch them. I find them disgusting honestly. My girlfriend keeps bringing it up so I believe it is honestly becoming a problem.
Recently she has started to come over less because her cats throw a fit whenever she spends the night at my place. I can't bring her cats because my parents will have a severe allergic reaction. I also feel like that she loves her cats more than shell ever love me. I've started to come over to her less because of her cats.
AITA? For not wanting to be near her cats?
Tl;dr. My girlfriend hates how I don't pet her cats and I'm beginning to dislike her cats because she puts them above me where I'm starting to avoid her house
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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|
{
"description": "telling my friend to be quiet when she was arguing with her boyfriend at 2am",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my friend to be quiet when she was arguing with her boyfriend at 2am
|
So my friend who is staying at my apartment for a few days as a favor has been arguing with her boyfriend for about 4 hours now over the phone and she is driving me insane. I have to be up at 7am and I worked all day today so I’m exhausted. From what I heard they were arguing about something extremely stupid that then sparked a bigger argument. They legitimately fight ALL the time over the stupidest things. I’ve never known a couple that argues as much as they do. My point here is that they weren’t arguing about something major if that makes sense.
Anyway, my friend kept screaming and crying as if there was no one in the apartment and it really annoyed me so I literally told her to be quiet. She seemed a bit annoyed that I said this but I honestly don’t see how it’s too much to ask of her to be quiet when it’s so late and she’s just screaming. And yes she is still arguing and I can’t sleep because she’s so loud so that is why I’m taking the time to post this.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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{
"description": "not telling my friends S.O that he cheated on her",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not telling my friends S.O that he cheated on her?
|
Further, AITA for wanting to weaponize it?
But first a little explanation.
Lets call my friend simply 'J' and his JSO will simply be JSO.
Now as for J. We're both at the start of our 20's now, but i met him sophomore year at highschool. Became my best friend (granted it was my first year at the school so kind of ONLY friend at that point.)
Went through high school together, and I noticed a trend in him. He was a cheater. I'm talking two sim cards two phones at one point while dating. I've told him time and time again its gonna bite him.
Fast forward. End of high school. We're both broke and depressed kids; Who both just hit 18. Shit live. So what other to do than smoke weed? Fast forward 1 year. I come over often to smoke with him. One night he brings this woman along with him. Except hes 18 and shes.. Well, 48. Odd but not my business. Within a few months, sick of his grandparents house he moves in with her.
I had a female friend (FF) at the time (not my SO already had one) who one night i brought with me to his house. On a night where JSO wasn't home. I had to work in the morning and had to take an Uber home that night. She however stayed there. He said he would bring her home later. (Im paraphrasing this alot my memory is awful and this was a couple years ago)
So, If you could make any sense of my ramblings, you can probably guess what happened. That night J cheated on JSO with FF.
Now I was friends with SO, such a nice woman in every way, I talked to her a lot while over there. Got to know her.
Despite this remember *at the time* he *was* my best friend. (More on that later.). So when he told me to hush about it I swallowed my pride and did. I regretted it. Still do. Its been a couple years.
But as for the weaponization part. He started to show his true colors. Ever increasingly louder in his spouting of all things homophobic, in a group(a chat with 6 or so people) where 2 are LGBT. Instead of being subtle with his bullying he was not being a blatant asshole. Bullying on his childhood best friend for no reason, treating everyone including JSO like shit.
Turned into a scumlord. At this point I've about had it with him. However the power I hold will result in a vendetta against me if he finds out it was me. I was the sworn secret holder and still am. Using this will likely result in him being forcefully kicked out and subsequently homeless. But there's just a deep itch in me to line my sights at him and the scum he has become, and pull the trigger on the whole thing. Take him down a few pegs that he proudly sits so high on.
​
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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avf26h
|
{
"description": "driving mom's car after Surgery",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA - Driving Mom's Car After Surgery
|
Background:
+ Mom
- Had surgery, can't drive until she recovers
- Travels 40 miles /wk MAX when she was healthy. Less now that she has retired
- Lives with me + wife
- Temp staying w/ my brother b/c he lives in a ranch and it's easier to walk
- After she heals, will move back in w/ us
- I alone pay ALL her expenses except car pmt & car/health insurance which she pays for (mom, wife, & my cars all on my policy)
- Mom's car: 2013 Honda ~34,000 miles
- My car: 2015 Sports car ~45,000 miles
- I typically pay for maintenance on her car
Prior to surgery, mom had been in a lot of pain for a month+ so she had not been driving her car much at all. After surgery, my wife & I entered a major life event & I decided it was a good idea to sell my car b/c I wanted to reduce expenses. As such, I posted my car for sale, parked it in the garage, but drove it 1 day /wk over 3 wks so it sells close to stated mileage. I decided to use mom’s car since it was in the driveway and not getting use. It needed to be driven to stay properly maintained. Not only that but she needed maintenance on her car & I wanted it to get it to the proper mileage before I spent $250 to do it.
Flash fwd 3 weeks - my brother begins interrogating me about using my mom's car and how I'm putting miles on it (I put ~40 – 50 mi on it /day Mon-Fri) and if I get into an accident it will decrease her value instead of mine (implying I’d rather sacrifice her stuff instead of mine). I have 2 accidents on record in my car - 1 @ fault, the other not. No citations on record. My track record is pretty good and I'm a defensive driver. He's getting his panties in a bunch over me using my mom's car & I don't see the issue b/c as I see it, if I need to use my mom's car, I will. Just like if he or sis needed it, they would use it, too. We see cars as "family" assets & share whenever anyone is in need. He goes on about how I "feel" about my car & honestly, yea I LIKE my car but not in love with it. If anyone in the family needed to use it, I'd give it to them but it's a sports car & has no real-world utility so nobody has asked. I don't ever talk or brag about my car but he, on multiple occasions, has taken it upon himself to brag about it to company visiting my house & will walk people down to the garage to show it off. I'm not a fan of this behavior AT ALL & find it very awkward & uncomfortable. Pretty sure he feels some type of way about me having the car.
I argue back with him stating he's making a lot of assumptions and making it seem like I'm stealing from mom. Yes, I'm using her car & I'm keeping miles off mine so I can sell it to get a more practical one. She isn't using it & he's being overly sensitive. This is my own opinion but I suspect he wants to "keep the miles off" so he can try to influence my mom into selling her car to him so his wife has a car as she currently doesn't.
Am I the asshole for using my mom's car while she heals?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b9gtvj
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{
"description": "parking in a spot and being on the other end of the row",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA if I parked in a spot and they were on the other end of the row?
|
So there is this road beside this college I attend that has parking spots on one side and parallel parking on the residential side. The parking spots on one side has a row of probably around 30-40 spaces and after every 10 spots or so there is an emergency driveway to get into the college that spaces out the spots even more. One day I turn into this road and see a spot about to be open in the front (space #3) and parked. The car coming out and me swooping in was a matter of seconds but as I was coming in I noticed a car down the road (around space #10ish) picking up speed coming towards the spot. After I parked the lady was apparently waiting at the end of the row got all crazy and said I stole her parking spot. Before I even responded she sped off made a U turn and found a parking spot on the other side. I was thinking well at least she got a spot so I didn't feel bad but then I thought why did I even feel bad? I did notice her for a split second but she should have been behind the car that was leaving with her blinker. At the end when we got out of our cars I just said "well you got a spot" and just left it at that. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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adzd7c
|
{
"description": "parking close to another car that was on the line",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for parking close to another car that was on the line?
|
I got back from my lunch break at work, and parked next to this truck that I’d never seen before. He’s parked on and a little over the line towards the back. I park as I normally would evenly between the lines, knowing that it might be a little tight for him to get in but I consider that his fault for parking like he did. A few minutes later my manager tells me the guy can’t get in his car and needs me to move. Realistically I think he probably could have but no big deal. I walk out and only because he’s a customer, I apologize and say I’ll move. This guy says “all that room and you had to park that close to me? Seriously?” There’s really not a ton of room since on the opposite side of my car is a curb. When I walked back in, another customer who heard the exchange said he thought the guy was a dick about it, too. Just wanted to hear a few more opinions.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b2c8bp
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{
"description": "apologizing for my problems on my mothers deathbed",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for apologizing for my problems on my mothers deathbed
|
My mother has had cancer for many years. Recently it took a turn for the worst and she is unable to move or speak. She understands people around her but that's it.
Everyone in my family is trying to say positive things to keep her happy as she passes. I took the time, when I was watching her (alone), to apologize for everything that's made her disappointed in me.
I chose to date someone for years, not a part of my culture. Something she was strongly against it. And she told me she hated it. She never met her because of how much she hated the fact that she was different. And that her family would not like me either, because they would hate me like how my mom hates my girlfriend. This is true, her family does not want to meet me because I am not of their culture. I said I was sorry for making the choice to stick with it.
I was under a lot of pressure one day, my mom brought up my marriage life and told me to break it off with my girlfriend. I screamed in her face. Called her evil. Said it over and over again. I ran outside the house to cool off. My mom thought I hated her for cancer (which is not something I said and I did clarify that I didn't think cancer makes her evil). I apologized for calling her evil.
I told her I loved her and I wish I was better. She started breathing faster. I was selfish and I made the choice to apologize in a situation where she can't speak back with me.
I know I would have hit a stone wall if I tried to apologize in better times, because I've approached her multiple times and she has shot me down about my girlfriend.
I feel...a little better. But I know my mom doesn't. She feels sad that I cried. She feels sad that she can't speak to say anything. If she could she would say to break it off and make dad happy.
On her deathbed I took the selfish choice. And made apologies that she couldn't say anything too. She's dying. She feels a burden because she can't express herself. I know this because I have lived with her for many years. I _am_ the asshole. She shouldn't have to hear this now.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
wHwQdbFQjZL56sU02wvZcOgHmM5EEAsP
|
axebq7
|
{
"description": "not wanting to take my mom's package with me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for Not Wanting to Take My Mom's Package with Me?
|
So I'll try to make this short but basically in a few months I'm going with a class across country for the first time. The teachers said that the best thing to do is to get good shoes and one hiking pack, both of which my parents got me (I'll explain this in a bit).
A few weeks ago my brother was the victim of a hit and run and now that I'm on spring break I am going to visit him. I'm using this trip as a sort of test run for the class trip later.
My parent didn't want me to drive the 10+ hours to my brothers so I got train tickets and they are going to pay me back (this is where them paying for my shoes and backpack come in).
My mom wanted me to take a package up with me. I told her a few times that I wanted it to fit inside the bookbag since I need to practice taking on the essentials but it seems she kept adding more things.
She kept saying I could just carry it but I wasnt really paying attention because I told her it needed to fit in the bookbag. Today I "put my foot down" and told her I didnt want to carry some big box and have to worry about it for 10+ hours on the train and through my brothers city.
She got really mad and hung on me. Now she's home and won't talk about it.
*side note, she tends to buy rather useless things that no one needs/asked for. All I know that was going in the package was a small teapot and some dvds, I dont know what else it could be. I tried to tell her I could take some of the stuff but she said that since I made it clear I wasn't going to help her then she would just mail it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
2lix9EupHlmZx1hIcFRELHgWWH4Vaowt
|
b8c45t
|
{
"description": "putting \"would prefer a woman who can cook\" in my dating profile",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
WIBTA if I put "would prefer a woman who can cook" in my dating profile?
|
Little background for context.
I made a huge mistake in my childhood and never made much of an attempt to learn how to cook when my mom would offer to teach. Then I was in the army and got fed 3 times a day for free so I've never moved past eating microwaved stuff. My ex-wife claimed she could cook but I later found out she couldn't cook much of anything and we settled on simple cheap meals. I got divorced about a year and a half ago. Since then, I've been eating the same simple cheap meals (such as taking a box of macaroni then throwing some cheese and skyline chili into it) and it doesn't bother me much. But stuff like that is all I really eat since I can't cook for shit. I've been trying to learn how to cook more from my mom but being single really kills my drive to make better meals so I'm not getting much better at it.
So recently I've been warming up to the idea of trying to date again (despite this subs best attempts to cool me right the fuck back down from it) and have been asking my friends for a bit of advice on what to include on my dating profile. I mentioned that I would prefer finding someone who can cook so that I don't feel like I'm dragging them down to my simple meal lifestyle. I also genuinely enjoy learning how to cook and would think it would be a fun thing to do together.
My friends all unanimously agreed that I am a misogynistic asshole for apparently expecting women to know how to cook. Even though I said I'd gladly cook with her since I want to learn too and if she doesn't feel like cooking that night then we'd go out or order something. But that didn't dissuade my friends and now I'm the misogynist of the group.
WIBTA for having that preference?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 12,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 20,
"WRONG": 15
}
|
RIGHT
|
dH7bbZF0weZuZ89Za4SKI7O4dme7rmIw
|
aqbk2i
|
{
"description": "switching who I'm rooming with next year",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
WIBTAH if I switched who I'm rooming with next year?
|
Alright so I go to a very small college that doesn't allow for off campus loving unless you've been a resident of the area for at least a year. But because of that the school offers campus apartments right across that street that's the only option besides the dorms. My current roommate and 2 other friends want me try and get on with them(it's a lottery and you have to apply) and I've said I would. However, this morning my roommate from last year told me that he wants me to join him and our other 2 friends. I know that I've already said I would go with my current roommate, but I know that I would have a better experience with the other group because I'm honestly closer with them. So would I be the asshole if I told my current roommate and friends that I would rather live with my other group of friends?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
kQ7FadUerucaHu9ZwVrIxBkynwvoET3U
|
apbzko
|
{
"description": "wanting my bf to move with me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting my BF to move with me?
|
I'm sorry if this is more suited to /r/relationships but I more want to know if I'm being an asshole than asking for advice so I thought I'd post here.
​
I guess the place to start is that I will be graduating college in May, the plan has always been for me and my BF to move in together once I do. My parents own a house that due to a long story involving asshole neighbors we had to move away from when I was 11. The house never sold so for a long time they've been renting it out. Basically, around when I graduate the current tenants plan to move out so my parents have offered to put the mortgage (which has about 10 years left) in my name. I'd pay less than what the current rent is to own a home in the nearish future and really want to take advantage of this. My BF currently lives in a friends home, paying about $100 less than what "rent" and utilities would be at this house.
We've been having an argument repeatedly about moving in to this house once I graduate. On my end, I see it as an opportunity that most people my age will never have and that I should for sure take. It will be cheaper than pretty much any other place we could possibly find to rent. This is on top of the fact that I simply don't want to live where he is living now. His room has barely enough space for a queen bed and no closet of any kind, I would have no space for my things as there's barely enough for his. This is on top of the fact that I just feel awkward in the home. The friend who lives there I am also close with, however it's his dad that owns the house and also lives there. The dad is nice, it just feels like I'm a guest who frequently overstays their welcome. I also am not a huge fan of the level of cleanliness in the house, but I don't really think I should be deep cleaning their kitchen or throwing away clutter for them. Essentially, I don't believe it would ever feel like a home to me. Even if I don't end up living in the house available to me forever, if I owned it I could sell and have something towards buying another place of my own. I also feel that if I own it, even though we aren't married, my BF would basically own it too. It would be ours.
My BF believes that it would be too expensive (for reference, it would be about $240 + utilities). His other reasons are 1) the \~30 min. commute to work 2) his friends live where he currently is (around 45 min away from this house) 3) the road and driveway are shitty. 4) the last time he moved out on his own he felt incredibly unprepared and was hemorrhaging money. The last time I tried to talk to him about this ongoing argument he said that "it's your thing anyway" and that I'm not considering that he's satisfied where he is.
Am I the asshole for saying that I won't be satisfied there and that he should consider that too?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
BtnhWoF3yfO9YuDpBC1f6tSF4q3VtmwN
|
b5tbmf
|
{
"description": "telling my brothers to shut up about being a man",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I told my brothers to shut up about being a man?
|
Ok I always get shit for doing dumb things or playing minecraft and roblox because it is not “manly” and I hate it. And it is literally for the dumbest things like if I stub my toe and show any sign of pain because i stubbed my toe they would say “stop being a sissy, man up!” And I really hate it because all I want to do is have fun and they would Just tell me to be a man.
I hate it when people say that being a man shouldn’t be stressful I should be able to have all the fun i want to have! What puts the difference between men and women’s behaviour?
Now the question is WIBTA if I told them to shut up and treat me like a normal person?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
iAF1hfmGJx8DUrZEpMxsot3mQ2bhSXvX
|
a6a5dy
|
{
"description": "following rules and being told \"Sir if you don't move out of that seat we will have to escort you off the plane\"",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 52
}
|
AITA for following rules and being told "Sir if you don't move out of that seat we will have to escort you off the plane"
|
So I work as a systems engineer and my job consists of my flying every Monday to a certain project site and flying back every Friday, all of which my company pays for. And because I fly so often I have status with Southwest and I am usually first 30 to get on the airplane.
On my flight to Kansas city this eventful day I walked into the plane as I usually do and looked for an emergency exit seat because I'm 6'4, have long legs and can't really fit in the regular seats. So I reach the emergency exit row and I see there's a backpack sitting in the aisle seat, and a man in the window seat and an open middle seat. Me not wanting to sit in the middle seat grab this unknown persons backpack and move it to the middle seat and basically take their aisle seat, all this knowing Southwest has an open seating policy where you can't claim seats. I know this person hasn't really sat in the seat because I was with A group and we all entered the plane at nearly the same time.
About 2-3 minutes later a woman shows up coming from the direction of the bathroom on the plane, I'm assuming she had just put her backpack down to claim her seat and went to bathroom. She looks at me (I'm a young guy only 24) and doesn't even attempt to talk to me, just goes straight to the flight attendant saying I took her seat which I technically did. So the flight attendant comes and questions me about why I can't sit in all the other open seats. I'm a very confrontational type of person not someone who backs down easy, so I start arguing with the flight attendant that I am too tall to fit in a regular seat and don't want to sit in the middle seat. I tell her it's open seating and people can't claim seats and continue arguing with this flight attendent. At this point a scene has been caused and people are getting jammed up in the aisle, a second flight attendent who was listening in the line makes her way through and says "Sir if you don't move out of that seat we will have to escort you off the plane"
After hearing this I momentarily thought about standing my ground and actually getting kicked off the plane but thought it wasn't worth it so I moved to the middle seat. As soon as I start moving the man in the window seat was so fed up and annoyed of me that he said you can have my seat and grabbed his stuff angrily and moved to a different row. I ended up sitting in his window seat and it made for a very awkward plane ride the rest of the flight.
Am I in the wrong for taking someones seat, or do you think I'm justified in using the open seating policy and not allowing someone to claim a seat that they never sat in?
TL:DR Southwest has open seating policy, you can't claim seats. I move someone's backpack and take their seat. Flight attendent threatens to kick me of the plane.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 49,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 52
}
|
WRONG
|
ZYqowdOeKLVvBTlgDDbjiGKkUZFAq5dD
|
aykorl
|
{
"description": "being upset my parents are selling their house and leaving my sister and I with nothing",
"pronormative_score": 97,
"contranormative_score": 128
}
|
AITA for being upset my parents are selling their house and leaving my sister and I with nothing?
|
My parents have announced to my sister and I they are selling the family house to go into early retirement. It's something I'm a bit upset about, my sister kind of is but won't directly say it as she's worried she'll appear ungrateful. I haven't said anything to my parents about being upset and probably won't as I doubt I'll be able to change their mind and don't want to ruin our relationship.
For ages, I'm 30, my sister is 26 and my parents are 60.
Some background as to why I'm upset. My parents are reasonably well off, solid middle class, not upper or lower. They bought their house when they were a couple of years younger than me and got significant support from my grandparents on my mom's side to do it. They didn't really need that support and used the money they saved to do a bunch of traveling around the world. My Grandparent's told me if I went through university (which I did) they would do the same for me and help my buy a house, my mom knew about this and mentioned it as an incentive to do uni. My cousins were also told the same thing.
Unfortunately my grandparents passed away while I was studying and my mom and her sister got all the inheritence, my grandparents didn't leave a will. My Aunt used that to support my cousins in buying their houses, my parents used it to renovate their house. When I asked whether I would get the same support as my cousins my mom shut it down and said it was her inheritance and she could choose what she wants to do with it.
My parents didn't support myself or my sister in purchasing a house at all, and unfortunately house prices in my country have exploded so my current house is significantly worse than what my parents bought 35 years ago at 20x the price, same for my sister.
Our family home was in a town that become a resort town so property prices boomed, both my sister and I had to move away. We were hoping one day we would inherit the house like my parents inherited their grandparents and use it as a family holiday house that my sister and I could take our children to.
Instead my parents are selling so they can move into one of those pricey retirement resorts, they'll likely burn through their money and leave nothing to my sister and I. Having researched the place it's even likely that once they run out of money they'll be evicted and my sister and I will have to pay for an actual retirement home in their old age.
I guess I'm upset because they aren't giving my sister and I the same advantages they got from their parents, it feels like they are taking for granted what they got and think we don't need it.
TLDR; Parents are selling their house to retire early to a fancy retirement resort, got a load of money from their parents/my grandparents that got them to this in the first place and aren't passing anything along to my sister and I.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 96,
"OTHER": 84,
"EVERYBODY": 32,
"NOBODY": 13,
"INFO": 2
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 97,
"WRONG": 128
}
|
WRONG
|
bsdLUr20JF52Hdrt7eztZWdFkKGKcguu
|
aaxq1e
|
{
"description": "wanting to get a young family evicted from my apartment complex",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for wanting to get a young family evicted from my apartment complex?
|
A year ago a family (parents and 8-12 yo. Ish children) moved in above me. They have been making loud noise for the whole year. At 8am and 4pm about 3-4x a week, it sounds like they are running loudly, jumping up and down, and dropping heavy objects. It is audible in every room of my apartment, including when I wear headphones.
Relevant background, I live in a city with very expensive housing, and I live in one of the most expensive apartment complexes here. There is also a middle/high school nearby. I have written them about 3 letters in the past asking them politely to stop making noise/ask their children to stop making noise as per our strict noise code. I have talked to them in person once about the noise.
Right now, they are thumping around again and I am very close to just making a formal complaint, which I have been avoiding because it will pretty much instantly get them evicted (because I have a lot of evidence in terms of their noise, efforts I’ve made to talk to them civilly, etc). I feel that I’ve given them enough warning and leeway, and that at this point if the parents can’t control the kids they shouldn’t be living in a top floor apartment. I’m also just annoyed because I pay a fortune to live here, and now can’t really work at home. I think they can just get a basement suite somewhere if they’re going to be so loud.
However, my roommate is saying I am a huge asshole and very lacking in empathy because she feels that I am kicking out a family in a terrible housing market, and the kids probably attend the school next to my complex. She says at the end of the day they are young kids. She thinks that we should just keep reminding them to be quiet, since that does make the noise stop for a week or so. She also is home a fair bit, so I can’t just say she doesn’t experience the noise and this doesn’t care.
Since I can see where she is coming from, it got me thinking whether she is right and I need to be more patient, or whether I’ve been lenient enough already.
Reddit, please tell me whether I am the asshole. Thanks!
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
y9yU5IF5pg9t4HiBgFIykkljvNloiC2v
|
b0qbcv
|
{
"description": "making a pun about the country Chili to someone who was from Chili",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA For making a pun about the country Chili to someone who was from Chili?
|
So I talk to my friends a lot on discord, and one day they invited me to play on a Minecraft server with them and a few other people I never met before. As we were talking and introducing ourselves, one of them said
“oh yeah I’m from Chili” to which I responded
“Can I have some?”. Right afterwards my friends told me that it wasn’t cool and what I said was mean and making fun of her country. I argued that it was a play on words and not meant seriously, but more I was just playing dumb. The original person in question didn’t mind and we just kept playing. I was never sure if what I said was rude, so that’s why I’ve brought it to Reddit.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
02xjbVN8OHd8jOXGly4h1zSmIrnHHzEv
|
a7fvml
|
{
"description": "not giving up my days off",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not giving up my days off?
|
I work at a gas station. In the past month we've hired and lost around 10 people. No one wants to stay.
Due to the latest quitter we're short staffed and the schedule is gonna change. I'm not coming in on my days off. It's already been posted and I made plans with my family.
Am I being an asshole for saying to hell with it not my problem? At my last job I was always the one called in ans berated for not dropping everything if I didn't come in.
Here I have to fight like hell to get what I earn. Took over 2 months to get insurance. It's only for full time employees and despite me working full time hours, I wasn't eligible because the manager wouldn't change my hire status. I also have to plan my rides to work or to shop cuz I have no car. Took a month to get the mananger to stop changing my schedule despite me telling her I can't accommodate changes during my interview. If given plenty of notice it's not a problem but she changes the schedual almost every other day.
Tldr short staffed at work and I refuse to give up my days off due to prior plans.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
tshSvMJBrkVG9zMEv4Rni78MRUYbMOU5
|
b8nynx
|
{
"description": "telling my former coworker that people know she is gay",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA for telling my former coworker that people know she is gay?
|
*names have been changed
I recently left my job at a company I had been at for a number of years but stayed very close with my team. Last week my former boss, Susan, asked me to have lunch with her. We spent time chatting about different things, my new role, office drama pretty normal stuff. Then at the very end of the lunch she says to me “Did you know Rachel is getting married?”. I told her no, that I did not know & she proceeded to tell me that she was getting married to a girl & asks again if I knew she was a lesbian? Again, I told her no (I had suspected but never gave it much thought bc it’s not my business). Now, for context the reason I think she asked me was bc Rachel & I were extremely close & are still friends. To define close, we worked together frequently on projects & interacted daily from both a work & personal perspective. We would chat daily & spend our lunch breaks walking around the city for at least an hour 3 or 4 times a week if not every day. During these walks we talked about everything both work & our personal lives. I’d met her one sister multiple times & knew her whole family by name. She knew everything about my personal life & so on. Anyway, I would talk to her about my love life but she never mentioned hers much & I never asked because anytime other people with bring it up she would just brush it off. No problem, it’s really not my place to ask anyway. Flash forward back to lunch with Susan, I was pretty surprised to hear this news, again, an engagement, wedding planning would be something I guessed we would have talked about. (When her sister got married I knew every detail!) Selfishly, of course I was a bit upset to hear since I would have LOVED to share in her joy, congratulate her & celebrate with her. Susan proceeds to tell me that that Rachel’s boss had “figured it out” by seeing a comment on her Instagram referencing a wedding. Well a quick google search of her name & the wedding website comes right up. So now, Susan & her “crew” including Rachel’s boss & others who Rachel absolutely despises know about her sexual orientation without her reviling that information. The company is extremely progressive & none of these people have any issues with her being gay but it’s obviously been her choice over the 6 years working there not to share that information. Now, I feel terrible knowing people who she dislikes so greatly all know & are talking about her without her knowledge. It’s terrible & she’s my friend, I just know that one of these days someone is going to say something to her & I think she will be really upset & caught off guard. Should I let her know? Would she become angry with ME? I respect her & her decision not to share this information but now that its “out” I wonder if she would just be better deciding how she wants to handle it on her own terms.
TLDR: Coworker is gay, her boss & others found out via Instagram & now are all talking about it. Should I give her a heads up?
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
QsmRapcU8CIwS0vR89hQgOU0ZBe6Sxjo
|
b3smuf
|
{
"description": "going no contact with my alcoholic best friend",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
Aita for going no contact with my alcoholic best friend?
|
Throwaway cuz reasons... My best friend (33m) and i (27f) have been friend for about 5 years now. I truly think of him as family and love him to my core. I went thru a very awful time in my life about three years ago and turned to drugs ,unfortunately. My best friend never turned his back on me and helped me tremendously during that time in my life. I have been sober for years now... My friend has had a drinking problem the entire duration of this friendship but within the past year its become increasingly bad.
For about six months now its been a cycle of me offering to take him to meetings... Offering to find him beds at detox etc... He will not take the help although his life is literally in shambles. Every conversation we have had in the past 6-8 months has revolved around his drinking and how absolutely miserable he is.
Our last conversation i told him i couldnt continue to stand by as he drinks his life away. I said i thought the reason hes continued to drink was because he hasnt really had any consequences and was not going to talk to him until he got help.
I do feel like an ass because he was always there for me but i can't help him if he doesn't want to help himself... So aita?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
deUXpg0nh7fSpTn8mFaL28zv3iOBEuHE
|
azm801
|
{
"description": "siding with my girlfriend over my parents",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for siding with my girlfriend over my parents?
|
Here’s a little bit of a back story. It’s a little on the long side so I’ll put a TL;DR at the bottom.
My girlfriend of three months and I have been extremely close friends for about a year now. Up until we started dating, we would hang out almost every day, as we both have odd schedules, but they worked well together.
We both still live at home, and as a result, I had met her parents long before we started dating. The problem is, we would always spend time at her house, but never at mine.
Because she was one of my best friends, I often vented to her about my verbally abusive step mother who finds any reason she can to start screaming and fighting about anything. My dad isn’t much better as he is the only person she will listen to, and he won’t stand up for me because then she starts yelling at him.
This is the main reason we don’t spend time at my house unless we have the house to ourselves. My girlfriend was predisposed to not liking my parents because she knows my past history with them, and how they treat me, so she doesn’t even want to meet them because she is very protective and has told me that she won’t tolerate the way my step mom treats me.
Since I’ve been dating her for some time, my prents keep pressuring me to have her come over for dinner so they can meet her. I have been giving them excuses, some legitimate, some not so much about why she can’t come over, because she doesn’t want to meet them, and I really don’t want her to either because I know that it’ll put my girlfriend in an uncomfortable situation.
TL;DR: Am I the asshole for giving my abusive parents excuses as to why my girlfriend can’t come meet them, even though neither her nor I want her to meet them?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
c0jTqutUUJAIsxFDZZHOgUhXLC7jbTSe
|
azpf3n
|
{
"description": "not telling my boyfriend that I engaged in a sexual act with his good friend before we ever dated",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not telling my boyfriend that I engaged in a sexual act with his good friend before we ever dated?
|
For a couple of months now, I’ve been dating a guy we’ll call Q. Before me and Q dated, we were friends and hung around in the same circle.
Q has a friend called V. Once at a friends house, V and I kissed and I gave him hand. A week later, Q and I realised we had feelings for each other therefore, we started talking more seriously. A month and a half later, we decided to make our relationship official.
Q still doesn’t know what happened with V but it was before we ever dated. I’ve spoken to V about it and he said he doesn’t see the point in bringing it up as it would just create awkwardness in our friend group.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 4,
"INFO": 0
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
77RFL7l71FC8n5B5Wfzo6BkTvJLBgDJL
|
akvnlq
|
{
"description": "screenshotting my mom's texts and showing my friends",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 15
}
|
AITA for screenshotting my mom's texts and showing my friends?
|
Yesterday my phone's SIM card stop working on a ride home from a friend, so my mom agreed to let me use her phone for the week while she gets me a newer one. Today on the chorus concert when I try to listen to my playlist, messages from my brother's parents keep pouring in about them complaining how their sons don't want to go to a school semi and called them lame and antisocial and discussed forcing them to go. I was shocked and screenshotted them, showed them to my friends, and sent them to my mom and myself. She said I had no business going through her phone and said that parents could make their kids do whatever, and I said they shouldn't make fun of their kids like that and forcing them to a social event will only make the kids dislike the parents. Plus, they can be stressful: after last year's semi, one of my friends was diagnosed with Anorexia because she thought she looked fat in her dress and ended up being hospitalized. If anyone could let me know who's in the right here it would be much appreciated.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 15,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 15
}
|
WRONG
|
7m3s73YExBaihvtrfU1cGqKqzKwskmzC
|
aryuq8
|
{
"description": "wanting to be acknowledged",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for wanting to be acknowledged?
|
I'm in my car, checking an email after a quick fast food stop. My car is dinged by an older fella (OF) getting out of his pickup truck with an "american pride" hat. Not quite MAGA, but in the same vein. OF doesn't nod, wave a hand, mouth an apology. Nothing and is ready to walk away. So I bring down the window and ask if he's even going to acknowledge that he hit my car. "there's no damage. You parked poorly." And so it begins.
Me "so it's my fault you hit my car?"
OF "can you see the lines?"
Expletives ensue (nearly 100% me), he eventually walks away, never acknowledging any fault. Our greatest generation ladies and gentlemen. Dude, all it takes right there is a simple gesture and I roll away without even a tick of raised blood pressure. So am I the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
EVERYBODY
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
WRONG
|
djrJ6Bsg6IasfIvAFayd5TaPx1eWTL89
|
asna7h
|
{
"description": "inadvertently getting my (now former) co-worker fired",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for inadvertently getting my (now former) co-worker fired?
|
I'm changing names for privacy, and will try to give as much context as possible without revealing anything too personal. TLDR at the bottom.
The company I work for is contracted by a rather large company (site) in my area, but also does contract work for other sites. I work only at this specific site, while Harry, to my knowledge, works multiple sites. At the site I work at, contract employees work both in small offices as well as in company vehicles. All employees work in shifts and relieve each other.
One day last week, I arrive and speak with my coworker Robert and ask if there's any information that needs to be passed on to my shift. He passes on some information to me, as well as mentions that Harry (who had just finished a shift in the vehicle I was about to begin a shift in) had complained to Robert about a bedbug problem he was dealing with, and had bites clearly visible on him. Bed bugs are notoriously difficult and expensive to deal with, and not something I'd be comfortable risking exposure to. I called my site manager and explained to them that I wasn't exactly comfortable getting into the vehicle and risking bringing home bedbugs to my family. My site manager thanked me for bringing the issue to his attention and advised me to stay put for the time being. A different vehicle was brought, and an exterminator was called, who treated each vehicle, each office, and my uniform. I was very pleasantly surprised with how well and how quickly my site dealt with the issue.
Since that day, though, Harry has not been back to work at this site, and is not on the schedule for the foreseeable future. My site manager yesterday took me aside and thanked me again for bringing the issue to light, when he confirmed that he "doubts Harry will be back, but can't say much more". I haven't heard from Harry, nor have I heard anything else from management about the situation, but there have been plenty of rumors. (Rumors like he was suspended only until he could prove that his bedbug problem was dealt with, rumors that my site was forcing him to cover the costs of the exterminator, rumors that he quit afyer an argument with a site manager, etc.) but neither I nor anyone I work with is able to confirm any of these rumors.
TL;DR
Reported a coworkers problem with bedbugs to magagment and said coworker presubamly lost his job. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
lYLiY1XpkwrLk41fJWTif2awDG6Mb5b3
|
b0isii
|
{
"description": "breaking up with my boyfriend after he changed the settings on my calculator before a test",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 20
}
|
AITA for breaking up with my boyfriend after he changed the settings on my calculator before a test?
|
My bf asked to use my calculator to check something before a test because he was too lazy to use his in his bag so I let him. The problem is that he wanted to check something in degrees to radians but instead he put it into GRADIANS.
I didn't even realize and did the whole test in gradians and only found out when I was talking to my friends in next period when every answer they got was different than mine.
Then I realized that my calculator wasn't in radians cause I did everything right but was still getting the wrong answer!
I texted my bf and told him we're done and said a few hurtful things that I now regret but now my friends and people are saying that I shouldn't have broken up with him cause it was just a mistake. I feel bad cause i studied a lot for this test and I'm probably going to fail because literally every answer is incorrect.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 20,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 20
}
|
WRONG
|
8ToZDrQDfuoAvhjPyhf4NKjs2Z4Iwxg4
|
ay71gd
|
{
"description": "getting annoyed that my bf rarely gives me head",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting annoyed that my bf rarely gives me head?
|
First post here, so I'm not really sure how this all works. But here we go.
19f here, and I've been with my bf for about two years now. We've got a fairly active sex life, except for one thing. He rarely gives head. Keep in mind I give him head almost everytime we're in bed. Meanwhile I haven't had him go down on me since around Thanksgiving last year. I've asked him about it and he usually just says there's too much hair (even if I just shaved) or he gets too tired after I finish him off. Sometimes it kinda hurts and I feel really self-conscious about it when I really think into it.
Other than that everything between us is great and this obviously isn't something worth breaking up over, and I love him more than anything and the sex isn't a huge deal breaker. I just wanna make sure I'm not overreacting or anything about this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 5,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
dNfqW0FYpw8TCX8NlZv6xArF8PcAh5IT
|
aphcyy
|
{
"description": "blowing out my girlfriend's candle when I leave for work",
"pronormative_score": 37,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for blowing out my girlfriend’s candle when I leave for work.
|
My girlfriend and I have lived together for a few years now. We have been able to navigate a lot of the common issues that arise when two people start living together for the first time (cleanliness, cooking, bills, etc).However, we seem to have hit a roadblock when it comes to leaving candles burning when we both leave the house for work. She is very spiritual at times and believes that it helps to cleanse the aura of the house. It’s not that I’m against this kind of thinking at all, in fact I really enjoy being with someone who has her mindfulness. It’s just that my anxiety levels immediately go through the roof when I start thinking about all the bad things that could happen if one of these candles flicks off an errant flame into the curtains and we ultimately end up not having a roof. So I’ve taken to blowing out her candle(s) when I leave(she leaves before me) and then saying they must’ve accidentally blown out whenever she asks about it later on in the day.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 4,
"OTHER": 34,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 37,
"WRONG": 7
}
|
RIGHT
|
QoFsHmfTW7Rol1Nx9ylcyESQfCLCSxoP
|
abs1fu
|
{
"description": "giving my honest opinion on a wedding dress",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for giving my honest opinion on a wedding dress?
|
A few years ago an acquaintance showed me a picture of a wedding dress she made and asked me what I think about it. I said it doesn't look like a wedding dress to me, but it's beautiful. She ran out of the room in tears while telling everyone else in the room that I have offended her. I apologised to her later, but not because I thought I was in the wrong, I just didn't like the tension.
To this day, sometimes I still wonder if I did anything wrong.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
e2KNJSnf3yYMykbnqaSR5TF9007cPp0S
|
b7rqbn
|
{
"description": "not letting my housemate break her lease",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not letting my housemate break her lease?
|
I live in a house with five other people. We all pay rent to a landlord, so none of us actually own the house—we just rent it. The last housemate to join was “Beth,” who signed a one year lease with us late last year. Before Beth moved in, we were desperate for a renter and since Beth and I work in the same office along with another one of our housemates, we thought it was a good idea. We don’t hang out often or anything but we talk at work and joke around—normal coworker stuff. Anyway, Beth signed a year-long lease that stated no subleases were allowed. A couple months ago, Beth told me that she was actively looking for jobs back in her hometown. The place we work doesn’t pay us much so she’s looking to move back home and save up some money at a better job. When she told me this, I just said it sucks but she signed a lease. She said that one of our other coworkers, “Anne,” was interested in taking over her lease but I was against it. Anne later talked to me and it didn’t sound like a bad idea so I told her it sounded good. However, Anne has already found a place by now and she won’t be the one taking over Beth’s lease. I think Beth also told one of our other housemates, “Rick.” Rick didn’t mention the lease when Beth told him and he just sounded like he was okay with it. Maybe important to note but Rick is our point of contact with the landlord.
Beth ended up landing a job in her hometown. She was excited and told me the news last week. I was confused because like I said last time, she had signed a one-year lease with us and no subleases were allowed. I just told her, “Sucks. You signed a lease.” Might’ve been harsh of me to say that, but it was the truth. She was trying to justify and talk about how she was giving a month notice and was planning on paying rent next month even when she wasn’t gonna live here. She also pointed out that the last person who lived in her room didn’t give us a one month notice and just left but that’s different, so I wasn’t having it. She signed a lease. So all I said to her responses were, “sucks, you signed a lease.” I could tell she was about to cry so she just left and that was that.
Later, I received a text from Rick, who told me that Beth had told him the news about her job. Rick basically told her the same thing and that she had signed a lease.
AITA for not letting her out of the lease even if she’s guaranteeing that she’ll find a sublease? Rick told her that subleasing the room wouldn’t make the landlord feel comfortable because that would be inviting someone new into the house. Beth argued that the landlord hasn’t even met her, so she’s still a stranger to him too. I know she doesn’t like living with us because of our rules (minimal guests over, no loud noises even on the weekends, etc.), but she signed a lease. The other housemates don’t care what she does but Rick and I do because it was part of the agreement.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
mwTU7rMro84JqpdAmlPLvywandQuO3fU
|
ac8kur
|
{
"description": "getting upset at my friend for bailing on my party",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for getting upset at my friend for bailing on my party?
|
Keeping it gender neutral to prevent bias.
​
I decided on a whim to throw a small get together to be set last Saturday, around 5 days later. After contacting people, I had around 6 people showing up with another 6 as a maybe. Two of the people coming were going to be two people that are my best friends, and the others are people I'm acquainted but not very close with, but would like to get closer.
Two days before the party my friend contacts me and says that he/she wants to invite his/her roommate to the party, to which I decline. Me and the roommate have had a brief history which has turned sour, and I do not enjoy the roommate's company. My friend tries to bargain with me saying it wouldn't be a problem, but I still refused. My friend then says he/she feels bad about spending so much time with me and not enough with the roommate, and says that he/she will not attend unless the roommate also attends. I still declined, and I also said that if my friend does not come, that I would just cancel the party. The friend did not attend, and I canceled the party the next morning/the day before the party. I have not talked to my friend since.
​
I do feel like it was unfair for me to say that I would cancel the party; I attempted to fix it but guilt was a factor in his/her decision. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 7,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
hlsQWd8u5QgWtKt3iQt6LBdPwMOPsB7D
|
aaxfgz
|
{
"description": "kicking a girl out of my car and leaving her on the side of the road",
"pronormative_score": 56,
"contranormative_score": 68
}
|
AITA for kicking a girl out of my car and leaving her on the side of the road?
|
I've been kinda seeing this girl lately, I'm 27M and she's 21F, and for the most part things have been going fine, although there is still a little bit of immaturity on her side. Anyways, I was driving her back to her house and cutting through some back roads and we see some people walking up the street. I live in the Northeast and it's very cold outside right now. She sees them and gets this huge smile on her face and tells me to "watch this." She starts rolling her window down and starts opening up her water bottle. At this point I'm pretty sure she's going to douse them with water in frigid temperatures. I tell her not to do it, but as we drive by them she flings the water out of her water bottle all over them and laughs and gives me the biggest shit eating grin.
I was fucking pissed, because I'm pretty sure what she just did could be considered assault and if they got my liscense plate I could be liable. So I pulled over about 100 yards past her victims (they could still see us) and told her to get the fuck out of my car. She looked at me shocked like she did nothing wrong and refused. I reached across and opened the car door, and then unbuckled her seatbelt and told her to get the fuck out of my car again. Again she wouldn't and told me to just drive her home. So I pushed her out of the car, drove forward a little bit so she couldn't scramble back in, and tossed her purse out a little further up. And then I drove off and left her on the side of the road.
Obviously she blew up my phone calling me an asshole, and its needless to say that whatever this relationship was it's over at this point. I dont think I was out of line, but she did only have a sweatshirt which is not the best in freezing weather. She claimed she had to run away because the people she flung water at started coming at her. And I know she's broke ass, so it's not like she could call an Uber or Lyft, she would have had to get a friend or family give her a ride if she could find someone (she had her phone), otherwise it was probably a 6-7 mile walk home.
I dont feel bad for kicking her out of my car, what has me doubting myself is the conditions I left her in (potentially violent situation, no heavy winter clothing, and broke). AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 16,
"OTHER": 56,
"EVERYBODY": 52,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 56,
"WRONG": 68
}
|
WRONG
|
78mpyOn0BI84xzXGCGq7OXFwayDKvALE
|
a71qoy
|
{
"description": "leaving a letter, along with a peanut butter bar pastry, asking her to keep up with her dogs poop in the backyard",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for leaving a letter, along with a peanut butter bar pastry, asking her to keep up with her dogs poop in the backyard?
|
My neighbor and I share a backyard since we both rent half of a duplex. She installed a doggy door and her two dogs have full access to the backyard 24/7. My dog is only out under supervision and all poop is picked up as soon as she’s done. My neighbor does not pick up after her dogs and currently has about 20+ piles of dog poop all over the backyard. NOT an over exaggeration.
This is the letter my boyfriend and I wrote to her. We included a peanut putter bar pastry as a peace offer buffer.
We are only writing this letter due to everyone’s work schedule being so different from one another and I hate to be “that neighbor” but could you please be mindful and pick up after your dogs in the backyard? Since we got Eevee, we have been using the backyard on a daily basis. There have been multiple incidents where we, including Eevee, have stepped in your dog’s poop and it has been tracked inside and onto our carpet. We are happy to share the backyard, as Eevee enjoys running around, however, since your dogs have free access to the backyard, it is difficult to catch where they have gone so if you could please keep up with your pups so this does not continue to happen that would be greatly appreciated. If supervising them when they go out is not an option for you, I hope you will consider sectioning off an area for them to go while they are unsupervised so they can still do their business with causing further issue.
Thank you in advance.
Kind regards.
Anyways, I’m here because my anxiety is acting up. I don’t want to start problems but I’m also very fed up with stepping in dog poop and bringing it inside the house when I’m in a hurry to get to work. We left the note out yesterday so we haven’t heard from her. Yet.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
MS6temk1WC4Kt1R8D01GuLhIG7UmaERz
|
a7joay
|
{
"description": "making an insulting joke to somebody I resent",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for making an insulting joke to somebody I resent?
|
As a preface, I’m not sure if this would even qualify, since I’m pretty sure I already am an asshole. I’m looking for an objective set of eyes on the situation. Also, sorry for the formatting, I’m on mobile.
We’ll refer to this person as Sam to keep genders/identities as hidden as possible.
So, I’ve had a problem with Sam, but I can’t remove him/her from my life because he/she is my SO’s cousin, and they’ve been close since birth.
The story begins here: when my SO and I began our relationship, Sam was jealous that SO was in a relationship and he/she wasn’t, so he/she badmouthed me to my SO all of the time. Sam turned out to be so effective at turning my SO against me that we ended up breaking up for about a year.
Then, during junior year prom (I’m a whiny teen, as it turns out), Sam was again jealous because the person that he/she wanted to go with went with someone else, and was in a general bad mood. My SO and I were talking again, and as I tried to make my way over to SO to dance, Sam got in my way over and over so I couldn’t. Then, another person went and danced with my SO. I was upset the rest of the night.
However, since then, I’ve reconnected with my SO and we have been dating for a while, and Sam has found him/herself a SO. Thus, I’ve had to spend most of this year of school around Sam+SO.
This exposure has lead to nothing but constant roast sessions between myself and Sam; Sam will call me scrawny while I will rip on Sam for the stupid things that he/she says.
This all culminates in the study session in the library today. Sam had been laughing at me for something that he/she wouldn’t even tell me about, and I was quite annoyed about it. So, my asshole move reared its head. I took a book about fitness off of the shelf and told Sam that he/she should read through it. Keep in mind, Sam certainly isn’t a fat or anything like that, Sam is just slightly on the larger side. Major dick move, I get it.
Then, as I was trying to fall asleep Sam’s SO decides to text me, demonstrating how upset he/she is, lambasting my morals, threatening to kick my ass, and demanding an apology.
I apologized for what I said, but the entire conversation was tinged by the impression that Sam’s SO believes that he/she did nothing wrong and I was the criminal, which I couldn’t take. I believe that if Sam would insult me about my body (being scrawny), Sam should be able to take an insult about his/hers.
I get it, Sam is probably self-conscious about his/her body, but I just can’t understand how someone could think that my insult was completely unprompted and “over the line”. Sam has no right at all to assume that it’s okay to make fun of my scrawniness, and shouldn’t be surprised when he/she gets a taste of his/her own medicine.
So the question is, am I the only asshole in this situation, are we both, or are we just a bunch of whiny teenagers still trying to figure out life?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
lIQGLiDHwQScQURc4tnHQsrO2yIBhsUx
|
9xak66
|
{
"description": "making a customer call me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for making a customer call me?
|
So I run a small business. My info is on Google. I have 31 ratings all 5 star. So some would say I'm kinda good at what I do. I have a business phone which is a cheap cell phone that forwards calls to my nice cell phone and it's always hooked up to its charger behind my desk. Mostly telemarketers will text me. But on occasion a real customer will text me looking for a quote. I always ignore these because if you want to hire me at least have the decency of calling a bid request in. I check my phone and the same number has sent me 3 text wanting a bid. So I finally give up and I pick up the phone and reply "Call us to set up an appointment". It's a cheap flip phone so text are hard to do. So they reply "let's do it now, here is the adress (*********) this is what I want. Thanks for the communication and I will meet you if it's called for". At this point it's already past my regular business hours listed on all websites I'm on. Instead of leaving this person hanging. I reply "Sorry we only set up appointments over the phone. If you like to you can call us between 8-5:30 to set up an appointment. This person replies "Perfect, so the customer is always wrong".
Wtf? I just like making sure I meet an actual person on-site and talking to someone over the phone. It gives me a good idea of who I'm working with.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
qzbCFVV1KzUVOt3tJuHaxAQfgvBa7oaj
|
ajtw6a
|
{
"description": "wanting my husband to quit smoking pot",
"pronormative_score": 21,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for wanting my husband to quit smoking pot?
|
I've been married for 8 years and my husband has always smoked pot. I'm talking about a lot of it. I don't have an issue with pot in general, but He spends hundreds of dollars a month on it. We now have two young kids and he smokes it in front of them. Besides being expensive, the whole thing makes me nervous as it's not legal in our state. Previously, he had told me if I didn't smoke, he'd leave me. For whatever reason, recently I quit caring about that and told him I was going to quit and he threw a temper tantrum. After much thought, it dawned on me that the pot is the cause of a lot of our problems. At least in my mind. And now I want him to quit. His only compromise is to suggest that he ONLY spends $100 a week, which I still think is way too much. AITA for thinking he should quit for me and our kids?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 21,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 21,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
0MoMWqPxtKTPWBP7BmgpexAPf83f7Hpn
|
ahj67m
|
{
"description": "getting frustrated at my girlfriend and telling her she should've been more proactive",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for getting frustrated at my girlfriend and telling her she should’ve been more proactive
|
My girlfriend and I are currently enrolled in college together. I am usually very proactive and have all my classes enrolled weeks before school starts. My girlfriend is the complete opposite. She procrastinated all the time and enrolls in her classes days before the semester starts.
This semester, she is having some issues with her credits. I reminded her almost every single day that she should call the office and get it fixed, but she just kept putting in off. This morning was the last day the office is open before classes start, and I told her to call in the morning. Fast forward to tonight, and it turns out she didn’t call and now is freaking out cause she has not all her credits complete and might not graduate on time. She has to wait until Tuesday and try to fix this mess. I told her that she should’ve called this morning like I said, but then she got mad and told me I’m an asshole for telling her to be more proactive and I’m making her feel bad. I’m simply trying to help and get her to get her stuff together.
AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 4
}
|
RIGHT
|
b9wFAo83ksmsQo0gOh55KjlMWwbFucTJ
|
azoeey
|
{
"description": "being upset with my discord admins for being cheap",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being upset with my discord admins for being cheap?
|
Some Background: I'm in a discord(for those that don't know, discord is a communication and socializing tool for pc gamers) that utilizes a server currency system. Let's call them coins. You get coins for being active in voice chat. For every hour you are in voice chat you get coins. You also get coins for participating in events, like karaoke night. The server IT guys have created their own bot to gamble these coins with coin flips and virtual slots, etc. But the main issue stems from the prizes you can purchase with these 'coins.' More on the simple side, you can buy private voice channels and your own colored name in the discord, or even your own shareable role. You can give and share these coins to others, which is where the main issue that we are having lies.
​
I'm trying to buy the most sought after prize: League of legends gift cards. For a VERY large amount of coins, you can buy $10 and $25 gift cards for League of Legends. The massive 'coin' costs of these gift cards pretty much exclude all but the people who are on this discord server except for moderators and the users who are on every day. Which makes sense, they are spending their money on a discord server that they have 0 income from(apart from donations.)
​
However, my friend and I pooled our money together over several weeks of being active in the server, to buy one of these gift cards, he gifted me all of his coins and I have enough to buy this gift card at last. However, the admins of the server told us that while we can share coins to buy other things from the coin shop, you cannot share coins to buy the gift cards. I got very upset and told them that this is not fair, and that we worked hard on getting these coins and it's only fair to let us buy it by combining our efforts. Either way, it ends up being the same x amount of server activity that equals a gift card.
AITA for being upset about this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
xIoHUqgjUZuM1Nex9XPdKyudPyusPLgv
|
aphmbn
|
{
"description": "moving out",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for moving out?
|
I (f18) started living with my best friend (f18) in September. I wasn't looking for a place at the time (was living with my parents) but my best friends older sister was looking for tenants, since she had moved in with her boyfriend and did not want to sell her house. We thought it would be a fun experience and because I'm currently working full time during my gap year I could afford it. Neither of us signed a contract and we gave her the rent money in cash each months, so there's really no record of me living there. We also did not make an agreement on when we were going to move out, but thought it would probably be during Summer, before I would go back to school.
​
Last month I decided I wanted to move back in with my parents. Me and my friend got along fine while living together, but we weren't really having as much fun as we anticipated. I was feeling really insecure about my gap year because I'm working really hard at a job I don't even like, and a lot of that money was paying off my rent while I could be saving up for next year. I missed my parents too. So I told my friend. We talked for about 2 hours and I cried, telling her I just didn't know what to do. She told me she would support no matter what I decide. We agreed to try and live together for a little longer. But the next day I did not feel any different. So I texted her sister, explaining the situation and saying I wanted to move out in March. She pretty much told me no immediately. I texted her back saying this is my decision and I'm willing to pay rent for two more months. Then her texts didnt stop. She texted me from 10am to 6pm. Saying I betrayed their family, that I cant treat people like this. Finally she stopped and her last message was 'You have to pay rent until April, it's only fair because you would live her until July and that way we both pay half'. She says I promised her I would stay till July. What actually happened was: my friend said one week before that she was leaving in July and they asked me if I would be okay with leaving in July too. I said 'I think that would be a good idea cause school starts in September.' Thats all I said.
​
Now, I was pretty upset about all that. When I got home from work that night, my friend had left a written letter telling me she felt like she needed to choose between me and her sister, and that she did not want to do that. Therefore she was staying with her parents for a little while. It made me so sad that she didnt talk to me first. That night I packed my stuff and left.
​
I'm still willing to pay rent until March, which seems generous to me since we have no contract whatsoever and I don't even live there anymore. My friend texted me about a week later, saying she was angry and sad and did not understand me. We talked and said we would agree to disagree but we havent spoken since. I really miss her and Im starting to doubt myself. Was I wrong for leaving?
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
EGH1aQuLmB9QX4PVpAR2LKcbFJvStoZg
|
aqnfnj
|
{
"description": "not getting my girlfriend her wheelchair",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not getting my girlfriend her wheelchair?
|
This turned out longer than I thought si hang in there.
So, for a little info before I get into it, my girlfriend (24f) has a chronic illness and needs a wheelchair off and on. I (23f) have a long history with athletic injuries from high school.
The problem starts with us sitting in bed after a long morning of running errands. After we had already gotten settled, I started a movie and she asks if I can get her wheelchair for her which is downstairs and across the house. I apologise and tell her that the morning out made my body extremely tired and don't think I can get the 50lb chair up a flight of stairs. She then tells me "no it's ok, I'll be fine"
I instantly feel bad and ask her if it's ok if I return to my movie and to please answer honestly and she says that yes, I would be mad.
I tried to explain things again and she asks if I will get our younger brother to help. At this point she's crying and I feel like a complete asshole, but I'm also in a lot of pain and genuinely don't think I can help.
Still feeling bad, I tell her that I can't make the trip downstairs to ask him, that it's the stairs that are the problem. She tells me that I'm obviously not sorry and gets out of bed slowly. At first I wasn't sure what she was going to do, then I realise that she intends to bum-scoot downstairs to get the chair herself.
After she gets maybe 3 meters away I get out if bed and head for the bedroom door. She insists that she can do it, but I do it anyway.
I couldn't get my brother's help because he and everyone else were out and it hurt a lot getting that chair upstairs.
Am I the Asshole?
TL;DR my girlfriend has a chronic illness, I have old sports injuries and refused to get her wheelchair for her, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
6SPTp5LNR20NpaaHuRL4nz12bIvzc714
|
aelx5r
|
{
"description": "correcting someone's Grammar",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For Correcting Someone's Grammar?
|
Let me start this by saying, I am not a grammar nazi. I'm a writer and editor, so I know the ins and outs, but I don't correct other people in conversation ("I did good on a test!"), or really ever, unless asked.
That said, my work is planning an event right now that we do every year, and one of my coworkers got an email from a music licensing company about getting rights to music for our show. She thought this was a little strange, and forwarded me the email to take a look. It was peppered with spelling errors--including the spelling of our company name--and was addressed to someone who doesn't even work here and hasn't for years. This is in addition to random commas and punctuation in some strange places.
I regularly peruse r/scams and this poorly-written email and "contract" set off a few warning bells for me. I call the licensing company (Googled, not the number from the email) to ask them if the email was legitimate. The customer service person was perfectly polite and let me know that yes, they do occasionally reach out to encourage events and organizations to license their music instead of (illegally) using it without asking.
I hesitated, but after I thanked her I told her that they should let their people know to edit emails before sending them, because the reason I was suspicious of the email I got was because of all the errors. Her tone immediately changed. What she said was, "Right. Thanks, we'll look into it," but it sounded a lot more like, "Thanks for the tip, bitch."
Sometimes I'm bad at interacting with other people. AITA, here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
l6bVCjbD1sD90CcaFrqP0smD6amzgCob
|
am0qgp
|
{
"description": "participating in strangers' photos",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for participating in strangers' photos?
|
I think this is a little silly, but I'm gonna ask anyway.
Sometimes if I notice people taking a photo - be it a selfie, a group shot or just a photo of the area - and I notice that I'm in the shot, I'll smile or pose. My hope is that one day they'll open the photo and see a stranger in the background smiling or posing, and they'd laugh (I know I would).
The other day when I did it in a tourist area, a lady noticed that my girlfriend and I were doing it in the background of their photo and kind of glared at us like we were rude for doing it.
So I figured I'd ask - am I an asshole for doing this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 6,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 6,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
P6JdPA5mad6ZNlilNkn5ztT174XqiUQL
|
ag7kup
|
{
"description": "losing interest in her for totally physical reasons",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for losing interest in her for totally physical reasons?
|
I'll make it quick. Me and this girl met online. We both swapped pictures early on and my initial impressions of her gave me a very different image of what her body looked like. More of less, she has a lot of weight entirely on her stomach. She wore lots of large baggy sweaters and loose flannels and with the rest of her body being oddly slim, she looked like a slim girl with a slight bust.
I was infatuated, and we found ourselves really connecting. Personality wise she almost couldn't be a better match.
...Then I got a few images that were in something a little more tight fitting and suddenly had to reconsider. And I feel awful about it, because suddenly I just can't get as enthusiastic to talk to her romantically and despite how lonely I am the specific way her body carries her weight just has me very not attracted. Basically, she just carries all her weight on her stomach, and she's kind of flat chested. Her torso is just kind of... round. It's unfortunate. We were long distance, so i'd have no way of knowing if this body type would make me feel so turned off in person.
I feel really guilty, because I know this one flaw is the only thing that made me go from complete infatuation to now wanting to just distance myself from things. But also i'm frustrated because her personality really did click in a way few do.
Am I an asshole for letting something so physical, and so singular, kind of ruin the appeal of this girl for me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 7,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
Ys5TS3mvC5752mze6RUS0NFwHwhxfybn
|
a9yfiu
|
{
"description": "being against paying to use my own game console",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being against paying to use my own game console?
|
So some background info, I live in a student home consisting of about 5 people. Last year I bought a game console with the primary intention of using it myself. Naturally being in a shared housing the other guys want to use it too. They play shared screen games while I pretty much play only singleplayer games but I had no problem sharing since we're all friends and they pay for any extra controllers. One month the electricity bill came in and it was noticeably higher than normal, the other guys starts to point fingers at me because I play singleplayer games for long intervals (i.e how they're meant to be played). They all collectively agreed that I should pay the difference in the electricity bill compared to last month, so $25. I thought it was bullshit that they automatically pinned the blame on me playing using the console and disregarded any other possibility (i.e leaving the dryer on for too long).
Also I thought there's no way a full-time student is going to have enough time to use it enough for the $25 increase in the bill. So I dug out manufacturer instructions/specifications and did the math, even applying worst conditions (peak hours, maximum brightness, etc) the total comes to about $10 a month (again, under worst conditions) which I would gladly pay. I brought this up to them later and they pretty much ignored it, but oh lucky me they agreed to split it evenly as a "courtesy". This made me mad because apparently I'm still the bad guy that don't care about other people he's sharing a house with despite going out of my way to come up with a better solution.
Fast forward a few months and the tension kinda alleviated a bit on the matter. I brought this up again and apparently the new "solution" is pay $2 to use (despite me being the owner of the console) which I find is exorbitant. To make matters worse? The other guys get to use it without paying because they're "sharing" between 4 people. I thought it was ridiculous that I'm the only one who has to pay to use the console that I bought with my own pocket money and they don't. So I tell them that I won't pay for using the console if that's the solution they're sticking with. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 10,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
Dujm540ckNy4eaZ3kAb4AeEHOUhSnTfW
|
ahpqko
|
{
"description": "asking my dad to not go on a trip",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA if I ask my dad to not go on a trip?
|
A friend from Europe (who lived with my family for a year as part of an exchange program) is planning a trip to do a West US hiking trip with me. I told my dad about it when we were taking about my plans after spring semester of school, and he asked if he could join.
I love my dad, and know he’d love to see this family friend after many years apart, but my buddy and I had planned on just us going out west to do some pretty rigorous hiking and climbing. AITA if I ask him not to join?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 7,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
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