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qYDsxVtHFTJMZqfAIvcDg4xl8C8vrWZ0
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avfc6j
| null |
AITA if I don’t my best friend back 600$?
|
Around a year and some months ago (around October) from today my best friend had borrowed my car and and had accidentally reversed into one of those green cable/internet cones that sit on some lawns between houses and it had unfortunately broken one of the latches that holds the bumper securely to the rear end of the car which apparently would cost 600$ to repair.
As soon as this happened he came and told me exactly what had happened and told me that he had full intentions to pay me back as soon as tax season rolled around and in January of 2018, he offered to take me and the car to a mechanic and have it left there to be repaired but instead, since I had to plan when I could be without transportation, he then offered to give me the money so that way he could have at least paid me back and I accepted.
I then ran into an issue where I needed to use the money to pay for classes since my FASFA deadline had already passed and would not be getting that aid until next semester.
Despite all this the friendship hadn’t changed and we still remained the same old friends we’ve always been as I would imagine it would since we’ve known each other for about a decade now.
The only concern now is that my mothers boyfriend told me he could repair the latch and secure the bumper for about 75-100$ and when I told him this he had told me that he thought that was great news and that he’s glad I wouldn’t have to pay it all up. He told me he could feel that I was expecting him to ask about the 600$ but told me that if I wanted to pay him back that I could but he had given me that money to fix the problem he caused and that it’s help him a lot to get that 500$ or so back but he’s learned not to expect money from people and had made some joke we chuckled at.
A week or so ago I sit him down and I tell him that I felt guilty because if it only costs 100$ to fix something and I was charged 600$ I would find it outrageous to not get 500$ back and I told him that was his money and I would pay him back.
Recently I got an offer to trade in my car for a newer model and I had also gotten back a generous return for my taxes which I was going to use to pay him back.
If I decide to trade in my car without fixing the bumper and not giving him back the money am I an asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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|
WRONG
|
yIOR2t120jIJrflnJGAzytvRVcMpVf9g
|
abhhho
|
{
"description": "forgetting to wish my father a happy new year",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for forgetting to wish my father a happy new year
|
I was in the midst of travelling to a nearby city by plane, my flight was at 9pm on the 31st of december. The flight was delayed and I ended up landing 10 minutes before the new year. I didn't even realise it was 2019 until I was in the taxi. I went straight to sleep and the next morning I woke up to an angry phone call from my father who was upset that I didn't wish him a happy new year. In my opinion i think hes a little dramatic, its just a new year.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
neP1lcBwLPORzPcQ4VMi6VAMZVMGeIGs
|
aa6gxo
|
{
"description": "feeling sexual pressure",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
Wibta for feeling sexual pressure?
|
WIBTA?
Background: So I have a bit of a messy mental state around sex. I have a history of just giving partners whatever they want sexually so they won't be sad and some of them have definitely taken advantage of that fact. But I'm working on it and I need an outside perspective on this one.
Anyway I have been trying to explain to my current boyfriend that when he's upset and wants sex (to feel better about something unrelated, he isn't upset he's not getting sex) it makes me feel a lot of pressure to do it. We've talked about how it makes me worried that I shouldn't say no and that I'd like him to masturbate if he thinks he needs sexual release when I'm feeling depressed.
Well tonight he refused to masturbate. He refused to talk out the issues he was having, I really tried to help but he was having an anxiety filled day so wouldn't listen. I said we could have sex, we did, I just lay there but he just wanted to get off and I am fine with that sometimes. But after I just felt upset. He rolled off me and said he felt guilty because it felt like he 'used me' and I just didn't want to deny it. I said 'I mean you did, what does it matter anyway'. Then he said 'I can't believe you're doing this to me' and we had a fight about it, I got angry he cried and I just felt pressured to say sorry (I haven't yet).
I don't care that I wasn't into the sex. I only care that I felt pressured again to make him feel better through sex. He didn't stamp his feet at me, but he was freaking out and not talking to me and I know sex fixes it. He knows that messes with my head but I don't think it's on purpose? When he does that I panic... But now I'm wondering is this just my problem? (I genuinely want constructive criticism here, not just to hear I'm right, I've tried to be as honest so possible in writing this)
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
SuXzItuRVt8Td5dkoeKr3CS3dzxFlIX7
|
ajysla
|
{
"description": "laughing at my ex losing her job due to reasons out of her control",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for laughing at my ex losing her job due to reasons out of her control?
|
For some background, I absolutely despise my ex, and that is not an understatement in any way, shape, or form. Our relationship culminated in us both hitting rock bottom mentally, and despite my best efforts and it being nearly 2 years since we broke up, I still haven't found a way to move on from everything that transpired. I've mentioned her in previous Reddit posts as well.
Now to the main point of contention. About say... October/November last year, my ex won a manager's position at a somewhat well known store franchise in our small town. This store was known for having pretty shady managers in the past (the one before my ex literally just up and left town without telling anyone).
Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago and I find out the franchise has gone into voluntary administration. Essentially, the company is bankrupt and they're now in the process of shutting down all their stores, effectively putting everyone working at those stores out of a job (fellow Australian dwellers may remember this happening to Dick Smith a few years ago).
Anyway, so the second I found this out, I tell everyone in our friends group chat and remark that I think it's hilarious my ex is going to lose her job. Turns out, one of my friends in that chat had recently applied and won a casual job there just before the franchise announced it was shutting down. The second he said that, I quickly apologised, then messaged him privately to impress I had no idea about him applying. He said it was fine.
Later that night, he'd gotten a bit drunk and the topic got brought up again. He told me it was pathetic that I could laugh about a situation where thousands of people have lost their jobs. I strongly disagree with this as I don't think the situation as a whole is funny. It's terrible that a company has had to screw this many people over for whatever reason caused them to shut. But for my ex, this particular person who I feel nothing but contempt for, all I could do is laugh.
I don't believe this has affected my relationship with this friend in any significant way, but I am nonetheless curious to see what other people think about it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
razut5eAjgJHXQOtlqZJcHLhzSuOwuig
|
b8lyf2
|
{
"description": "highlighting that I am carrying my colleague in front of the rest of the team",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for highlighting that I am carrying my colleague in front of the rest of the team ?
|
Some back story,
I'm a chef in a large and very demanding corporate kitchen that serves up to 3000 meals a day. We were on section together today and she arrived 20 mins later than me (yet on time) I had already got several jobs going( 2 soups for 150 covers each chicken and mushroom pie for 200 mash in the steamer for 200 etc etc) when she arrived on section I briefed her of where we were at and she was happy stating "nice ! Easy day then" which is fine by me.. what wasnt fine is she then proceeded to make herself a sandwich and a coffee and continue to walk around chatting and eating for 30 mins. I called her over and said "I know it's an easy day but we've still got stuff to do" which pulled her back into work mode.. there was 2 items left to start working a vegan cannoli 180 covers ( which the mix had been made the previous day for) and some hotdogs in buns for 100. It took her 3 hours to get these ready and it was literally about 30 mins work.
When service came around I helped her set up backing up everything and then it was my job to move onto prep for the next day whilst she handled the servery passing food across to the waiter station, within 15 minutes she was asking me to bring her this and that then found herself in a flumox, I assisted in getting her back on track then went back to my prep... another 10 mins passed and she slipped back again so I assisted once more. This time she just stopped working the service and stood there writing labels . Then came over to me and told me I didn't prepare enough pie and we were going to run out ( which we didn't) . I became annoyed and said to her quite firmly and loudly so that the others heard that she wasnt performing and I've carried her service and she has the gall to try and tell me I'm not doing my job. I then said to the chef in charge " if i'm doing her job and mine am I getting double the pay?" .
Later I saw her talking with the sous chef clearly upset.
It wasnt my intention to upset anyone nor is it my intention to carry someone's workload all day and It was very frustrating. Could I have gone about this another way?
Should I apologise tomorrow or just leave it?
Am I an asshole ?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
w5dSUttdkTxO9K60XYIn645VkX7gQci1
|
9vco12
|
{
"description": "not showing up to a performance",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not showing up to a performance?
|
In fifth grade our school made us do this dance class once a week (we had gym, art, etc all once a week). I didn't enjoy it but did it since it was mandatory. At the end of the year there was a performance where the parents and stuff would get to see it but I didn't want to go so I didn't show up. The show wasn't part of the grade and I didn't want to waste a day on something I didn't enjoy. My friend said I was being a jerk for doing that but I felt that they didn't really need me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
kkUWjrjLdgE2LSXXodR2feCBgR0YE2hE
|
b37y33
|
{
"description": "complaining about me and my boyfriend's lack of sex",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for complaining about me and my boyfriend's lack of sex?
|
Throwaway account cause I don't feel comfortabke posting this on my own account.
I'm 110% sure that I'm gonna marry my boyfriend. We're extremely compatible and we both never felt so in love before. But the one thing we don't exactly click is the sex. I have quite a high sex drive. 6 times per week would be the good life but I understand that's not that realistic so I settle for 3 or 4 times a week. My boyfriend, on the other hand, is just fine having it twice or less a week.
I always tease him and straight up say some dirty as* sh*t but usually I just get a laugh from him as he continues to scroll through his phone or just "I just feel like hugging it right now". I always stop and respect his decision, lately I've been saying some things jokingly about us not having sex often to see if he notices but he just ignores it.
It's now been 5 days since the last time we had sex. I was feeling pretty frustrated as I was getting my period soon – we have sex in my period but I don't like how messy it gets so I usually prefer doing it towards the end (should mention that I have 7-12 days long periods). So for the past five days I was trying to get him to do something multiple times on the day but he would just dismiss me.
Today I got my period, and was feeling really really really frustrated, and told him that now we gotta wait for a week or so. He responded "I don't mind having sex with you on your period, I actually like it", so I took it as kind of a sign that he might want to do something later. Well, we got high, I tried again, he rejected me, I started complaining and all of the sudden he was crying.
I don't exactly know what happened, as I said, I was and still kinda am high but I think I did something like stare at him and just turn my back on him, showing that I was upset. All I know is that he started being really offended by all that and his voice started shaking (I didn't look up at him to check for tears but I know he was crying a little), saying that it's not healthy to have sex so often (I said back that we were having sex for like 2 times a week but he ignored) and that chinese doctors say so. He said he didn't want to make that an excuse, and asked me to respect it and that sometimes he just doesn't feel like it, he just wants to cuddle.
I felt really bad about it but as I am very prideful I just stopped talking and started scrolling through reddit (that's when I had the idea to post this here). I don't want to force him to do anything and I don't want him to feel bad or feel like I think sex is more important than other aspects of our relationship. But at the same time, sex is an important factor for me and I didn't think it was such a big deal for him.
So, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
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WRONG
|
WyPr5q9BUOF2wclopO8gVuTCw8Jf33WG
|
9tzlz5
|
{
"description": "beating my sister ex-boyfriend that punch her in the face",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if i beat my sister ex-boyfriend that punch her in the face?
|
I am 19 years old male, my sister 15 and her ex boyfriend 17, today I was lying in my room watching Netflix when I started to hear a noise of someone crying, It was my sister, she was talking to a friend of hers thru the phone, I could not hear perfectly because the sound of the television was quite loud, but I could hear something like "suddenly he punched me in the face" and then the name of her ex boyfriend(they were alone so she could do nothing but cry), and I can not get it out of my head, my family always taught me that if someone older or stronger than me would beat me, my family would beat this person ass, so i can't shame they on a situation like that, plus my sister goes to the same school that her ex-boyfriend, so she's going to see her abuser every day.
So my daily toughts are about to going to take her in school and when I see him beat his ass, this is starting to become an obsession to me, i can't think of not doing that, is not about wanting to beat this piece of shit ass now, i have to do it, please if you think im wrong tell me, i can't take it anymore, im full stressed this last weeks!
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
1bOTSRhCSFSTui1unlOTCIkiKTPPLVc4
|
a8nknx
|
{
"description": "not wanting my mother at my wedding because she is still with my abuser",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for NOT wanting my mother at my wedding because she is still with my abuser?!
|
A little bit of backstory; My mother kicked me out at 14 & I had to move in with my nan. I was a very troubled teen due to the ( sexual ) abuse I got from my stepdad, It was too the point that I wanted to be as many miles away as possible and I ended up leaving my nans at 16 and moved 40 mins away. At 19 I got pregnant and due to previous social service involvement, I had to disclose some information and a whole case was opened up.
I endured over a year of a police investigation and my son was put on a protection plan before I even knew the gender (Thankfully I worked my ass off and got him off and now me, my partner and son live a very loving life)
​
HOWEVER; The whole way through my pregnancy, investigation, social workers etc my Mother would make sly comments, Accuse me of being a liar and an attention seeker etc, The few that stand out the most are -
\- "I don't see why -Partners name- mum gets to see the baby once he's born first they're not your family" We live with my partners family! and they have done nothing but support me and given me so much love.
\- "It doesn't matter you're an adult now I don't have to worry about what you say happened" This reduced me to tears.
\- And when I asked her if she would get back with my stepdad since the charges were dropped she replied with "maybe" I then found out a week later that she was already back with him.
​
Due to this, she has only seen my son 3 or 4 times and Only held him a couple times. I don't want to see her and I am just civil due to not wanting drama.
My partner popped the question on our 2 year anniversary and we get married in July, Sorting the invites for his family was so easy!!! I want everyone there to celebrate and I can't wait to join their family. However, whenever I think of inviting anyone in my family my heart drops and I just get a headache !
​
I told my family what happened with my stepdad but they either believe me and don't care or don't believe me and think I am a liar.
They tell me to drop it/get over it, They won't let me vent my anxiety and they tell me to just make up with my mother.
They're all mad I won't invite my mum to the wedding but I am dead set on not inviting her.
I don't like dwelling on the past but I can't move past this, I've had years of therapy, counselling, psychology and I just can't cope with her, The more I try to get over it the More I resent her & Now that I am a mother I see even more how much of an awful person she is.
She sends me money on special occasions which I just put into a savings account for my son and tell my family that I gave it to my in-laws.
​
I have obviously invited close family members of mine like my nan, grandad and aunts but even just those make me stressed but they can be civil and I respect that and appreciate it.
​
I want a stress free day and I just can't stand the idea of my mother being there actually makes my skin crawl.
​
So what do you think, AITA for not wanting her there?!
​
​
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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}
|
RIGHT
|
sGx7KFAq8jCuGuHzvhDCrPQ2GcNOyMPp
|
b4t7ot
|
{
"description": "taking my neighbour's cat to a shelter",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for taking my neighbour's cat to a shelter?
|
I live in an apartment building a block away from a busy street. Our building is pet friendly or at least when we moved in two years ago it was. A few nights ago around 10pm my boyfriend found a friendly black cat in the parking lot who was meowing and it actually followed him in the building. Neither of us had ever seen this cat before, we thought it might have an owner but we figured it was lost, he had matts in his fur and he was meowing loudly and acting anxious once he was in the apartment.
After about an hour and a half the cat continued to be loud any anxious so we realized we couldn't house him for the night, figuring our neighbour's would complain and we wouldn't get any sleep. We considered just putting him back out but we didn't want to feel guilty not knowing what happened to him. We found a 24 hour vet that would house him for the night before going to the local (no kill) shelter in the morning.
I had some posters printed describing the cat and letting them know to call the shelter if they are the owners or know who the owners could be. I did this although I figured it was overkill since any concerned animal parent would naturally call local shelters. I put these poster up in my building and around the neighborhood.
I was surprised to later see a response to my note by the poster I put up in the laundry room. Saying that the cat is theirs, he's an indoor/outdoor cat, they didn't see him for 1.5 days because he was taken to a shelter "without [their] knowledge" they cautioned others not to pick him up etc and then took a whole other page to talk about how he has always been very vocal and they have no way to deal with it because they don't want to "snip his vocal chords. "
I understand them being worried not seeing their cat for a couple days, but it's late at night, the cat is meowing and trying to go inside. Plus we never saw this cat in the two years that we've lived there.
I don't want to start a debate about appropriate pet care. I'm not a big fan of cats being indoor/outdoor in the city. I understand why people don't like to collar their cats. They can do what they like.
But should I have just left the cat be? We did suspect he had an owner in the area. I'm a little puzzled how these people are going to avoid situations like this in the future. And how they even manage an indoor/outdoor cat in an apartment. Is it better to just leave a loud animal at night to its own devices?
We know some of the other neighborhood cats, they aren't the only ones who have outdoor cats in the neighborhood.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
eqf6fw4rI3kE2GywDbbt208noV7WDTdo
|
a19e89
|
{
"description": "not picking my gf up from the airport",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for not picking my GF up from the airport?
|
My girlfriend called me "really annoying", "rude" then eventually "selfish" for not picking her up from the airport. She has been angry about it all day.
​
She was travelling for work (travel expenses such as taxis from airports covered) and was away for one day, the airport is about 6 miles/20 minutes from our house. She asked me this morning if i would pick her up because her work credit card maxed out. Now she could still get a taxi and expense it back, this would take a few weeks but due to the small amount of money (£10) it's not an issue financially speaking. She already inputs other expenses so this would be going in alongside other expenses - essentially it would be no big hassle to get a taxi from the airport.
​
I told her no, i wouldn't be able to pick her up because I already had plans for the evening (watching an important football game at my brothers house). We've been going out for nearly 5 years, she knows I watch every game and consider big games like this one a highlight of my week. Due to the timing of her flight I would miss most of the game if i picked her up.
​
So reddit, am i the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
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AUTHOR
|
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WRONG
|
XFU38fO7SDvFgNel2I22CoE7j2jOwyDN
|
b34vk7
|
{
"description": "looking when gf's friend asked if her cousin is cute",
"pronormative_score": 13,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for looking when gf's friend asked if her cousin is cute?
|
I was with my gf and her friend so they started talking when her friend pulls out her phone and asks if her cousin is cute. I looked and I didn't think anything of it till gf is upset later and tells me that she asked her not to do that, and her friend's response was "well it's not my fault your man can't keep his eyes off other bitches!"
My gf has some insecurity issues because of a past relationship, so this really made her upset, and we argued practically all day over it. I told her that I only looked for a second and didn't stare because she would feel a certain way, and I only looked because of her friend said look. I feel really shitty because her friend started telling everyone about it, and now they're on bad terms with each other.
Right now me and my gf aren't talking because she eventually texted saying that guys never admit it when confronted about looking at another female, especially in front of you. She said she felt uncomfortable and she wanted to stop thinking about it, and then said bye.
She's accused me of looking at other girls in front of her when I would look around the room or at a person who enters the room, so this isn't the first time, but i feel like she actually had a reason to back it up for once. I didn't mean anything by it, but I feel really bad about it, because she and her friend aren't speaking to each other at all. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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JWgOGE4Gyv7w7d929ZikNFkXZ6TIn79Y
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artipj
|
{
"description": "not giving my friend an in-game item",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not giving my friend an in-game item?
|
So, here's what happened. I was playing a game with Friend 1 and Friend 2. Friend 1 finds two rare items while fishing (both the same item), and Friend 2 is INSTANTLY asking for them to give to an NPC. Friend 1 is saying no, but Friend 2 is repeating her question and repeatedly getting louder. Friend 1 begins saying "well what do you have to offer?", to which Friend 2 begins repeating her question and calling Friend 1 an asshole. I chime in, calling the entire situation retarded, and that's that (keep this in mind, and also note Friend 2 uses the word "retard" much more offensively than I do). I admit, I personally thought that Friend 2 was beginning to get quite childish at this point, but I was simply joking with my "retarded" comment.
So later on, when I'm afk, Friend 1 sneaks over and gives me one of the items. Friend 1 mentions it, and Friend 2 instantly calls us both assholes and asks me for the item. I then say "Well what do you have to offer?", because I honestly have no use for the item and I'm curious as to what she even has in equal value. Friend 2 repeats her question with no response to my original response, and I say "I deny your offer."
Friend 2 instantly gets off the call and off the game, calling us cunts in the discord chat.
I admit, Friend 1 was being a bit of a dick by the end of it, but Friend 2 imo was being very childish over the whole thing.
After a bit, Friend 2 and I are talking via the chat. Friend 2 claims that BOTH Friend 1 and I were trolling and mocking her, that Friend 1 never said no to her, that she DID infact offer things for the item (nothing of which was of equal value from what she listed off), and finally, to top it all off, she claimed that I called HER retarded MULTIPLE TIMES. And that she asked me to stop multiple times.
by the end she said "you think i care about a video game NPC lol"
So, Reddit, AITA? I sincerely want to know if I'm just overreacting or not.
|
HISTORICAL
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WRONG
|
nr1xDIaB9fmM5AQehIhKFca97f0S9uz8
|
b2lb10
|
{
"description": "saying I'm overwhelmed at work",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for saying I’m overwhelmed at work?
|
I started my new job the beginning of January. I was shown a lot rather quickly - how to certify things, receive goods in, write folders, make travelers, print drawings, get information off customer websites, and do shipment paperwork.
Last week on Tuesday I was very overwhelmed. I almost quit on the spot. Supplies (ink and printer paper) were running low and person C told me to order supplies since “the torch has been passed to you”. I didn’t know what to do and I also had a lot of assignments already so I didn’t have time to order anything. I asked person C for help and she told me to check my email then went into HR to complain about me and the situation. I overheard what she was saying. I went into HR afterwards to explain that I’m overwhelmed and got nowhere - HR and person C are friends. So I went to the people the hired me, the owners daughters.
I told them I was very overwhelmed. I also told them that person C weeks ago had said to me “that’s a good way to get fired” when I needed to leave and asked if person K could finish up the last 3 or 4 shipments for me. I was told “you were never meant to do all the shipments. We told C this and for some reason you’re still doing all of them”. So... office meeting called. End result? Person C is now doing all the shipments and I’m doing the work the daughters give me with a shipment here and there if I have time.
Since then person C and HR and not been nice to me. If I talk to them they will respond. And even then they’re not friendly. With me doing the shipments C was able to help HR with their work so I guess I ruined their plan to swap work assignments.
I haven’t eaten in the company kitchen since Monday of last week because it’s uncomfortable around those 2. I’m not happy here anymore because I’m trying to be cordial and professional and they’re making things uncomfortable and petty.
Am I The Asshole for talking to the owners daughters when I was overwhelmed which lead to their work assignments going back to them? My goal wasn’t to get anyone in trouble, only reduce some of my stress.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
HB38I5W3wpvcJ1urCwt244aYzYI7J9C5
|
ay3les
|
{
"description": "cutting off a friend of 6 years over a series of text blowups",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA If I cut off a friend of 6 years over a series of text blowups?
|
I've been pining over this situation for about a month now. I've made a decision, but wanted outside input before I do anything rash.
My friend, let's call him Matt, of 6 years is transitioning from female to male. His testosterone shots have been making him more and more belligerent and explosive.
So, on February 8th, my lady and I were invited to a mutual friend's apartment, that Matt happened to be at, to hang out and drink a bit. The only reasons that we went was because Matt was there and cats. Then, flash forward to a couple days later, and he sends me a series of angry messages accusing me of trying to hold a "passive aggressive intervention." Along with many other false accusations. He tried to claim that my better half had a thing for him and also claimed that they had never been friends, and I was the only reason they dealt with each other. After talking to him for a bit via text, it became clear that this was a case of misplaced anger. Matt said he didn't like the mutual friend (which is completely fair. Frankly, I hate him too.)
Now, by this point, I was absolutely livid. But he said that he wanted to apologize, so I went around to our group of friends to explain the situation and see what they think. Only to find out that Matt had blown up on everyone in our group over the most trivial, meaningless issues. Along with this, he has blown up on the family that took him in when he was about to be homeless. Its even gotten to the point where he grabbed the back of one of our friend's neck after seeing a Facebook post. Now the entire group has gotten on the same page that we are done with him.
Matt has said that he intends to apologize, but this is recurring. Every couple of months, he blows up on someone. The last time was on Christmas. He just never learns lessons, and we feel like we can't keep him around.
Of course, I'm the one tasked with laying out the information to him and telling him that he's become a danger to himself and others. It's been the same song and dance since early in highschool and we're leaving college now. It feels like he's never grown up.
TL:DR Friend has gotten aggressive to the point of bordering physical violence. This has been recurring for years now. I want to be sure we aren't in the wrong for dropping him.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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nWNhrxU4LJQl9nK7jh24xndJYUq4SJWk
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b5kc5a
|
{
"description": "being cold towards my friends given the circumstances which they started dating each other under",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For being cold towards my friends given the circumstances which they started dating each other under?
|
I have this group of online friends which are around my age (17~18) who I met around November of last year. We all live in the same country. Recently, two of the members of the group, R and T, started dating each other. R is a very shy and insecure boy. He's never been in a relationship before. T is a troubled girl who has had family problems in the past which have 'messed with' her emotional side. She has been in multiple relationships (6 IIRC) in the past 2 years, which have all been LDRs. The last relationship she was in, was with an American boy and lasted roughly a year (let's call him K).
Right before December ended I got invited to spend New Years with them. I accepted this invitation. Nothing strange happened during New Year's, other than the fact that out of nowhere when we were going for a walk, R and T started talking to each other (they weren't close before, so it was kinda strange). When we got to one of their homes to just chill out, there were a solid 5 minutes where I just remember they were laying down on top of each other cuddling. Anyway, fast forward to after New Years, they all of a sudden get really close. Close to the point where they started hanging out in private Discord calls instead of joining the voice channels on our server. They started seeing each other quite often in real life, as well as he would pick her up from school and walk her home every day. This was really strange considering he NEVER left his house before. They started napping together, and she even left a hickey on his neck.
So here's my problem with this. While all of this was happening, she was still dating K. Even worse K had no clue that T and R were doing things with each other. T and K still considered each other significant others during this time. In my eyes, I see what she did as cheating and I'm not okay with it. I did not like the way that either R or T handled the situation, because, at the end of the day, K is a human being and no one deserves to be cheated on. T broke up with K, but only after she had been doing stuff with R for about 2 months.
When I confronted her about this, right after their breakup, she told me that her and K "weren't really together and we're just together for the sake of not being alone". Tbh this sounds like a really lousy excuse, and also, K was really devastated. Taking into consideration all of these details, I don't know what happened inside of me, but I just couldn't take it anymore. I lashed out against them and started acting really cold to both. I don't agree with their relationship especially how it started. The whole "pushing all of their friends to the side" and "cheating on her boyfriend" was just too much. I would understand if it were only me thinking this way, but most of the people in the friend's group were disappointed in both of them as well. So I would like to know, am I an asshole for feeling this way/being cold to them because of it?
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
|
i99Lj7e8mXt2YiMXdGPMKOhWUGOQUcmz
|
9tl0vv
|
{
"description": "refusing to help cheat on a test",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for refusing to help cheat on a test?
|
**TL;DR: I've historically bent over backwards to help my best friend succeed at college, she asks me to help her cheat on an open note test by means of her disability accommodations, I refuse, she gets angry AITA?**
Sorry for the length, not really sure if this much background is necessary, but it does help paint a picture of why she might feel like I might be an asshole for refusing.
**Background:**
My best friend of about 2 years and I have started a masters program together a few months ago. She has narcolepsy and therefore gets accommodations in the form of taking tests alone, flexible assignment due dates, and double time for tests. We went to another university last spring semester to get two prerequisite courses for the masters program done and she did a semester before that to finish off her bachelors. I've spent literally hundreds of hours tutoring her with her homework/studying in all of these classes, a lot of the time literally dictating to her what to write for homework assignments. I have told her in the past that it has been a constant source of frustration that she will look at homework assignments, give up immediately, and wait until I'm helping her to even start. If a test was coming up I would spend almost all my free time with her to study for an entire week before tests (~30-35 hours for the week). She 100% would not have passed these prerequisite courses without me helping her. All this tutoring was ostensibly in exchange for free dinners, but let's be honest, 5 hours of in-home tutoring is not even close to the cost of one dinner.
**More (probably pertinent?) background:**
Furthermore, I've also helped her quite a bit in the past by carpooling to work, I drove both of us every time for about 20 times and she didn't pay for gas. Also I did move in and live with her and her boyfriend for 4 months with the expectation that it would be easier for me to help her study throughout the masters program and in exchange I get really cheap rent. I had budgeted enough money to pay for rent and bills for the duration of the masters program so I quit my job with the expectation of relaxing for a month before classes start up (which I told her about months in advance). After about 3 weeks she told me I was impacting her and her boyfriend's sex life and she was tired of me hanging around the house all the time and asked me to leave. Since the masters program has started she will usually drive me home (about 5 minutes) from class 3 out of 5 days and I spend way less time helping her with homework.
**Anyways, back to the point:**
In the prerequisite courses to the masters program, she got to take tests alone and had a **very** flexible disability coordinator, he allowed her to take her iPad in to the test and have every test open note (without the professors' knowledge). She started taking pictures of the test questions and would send them to me so that I could answer the questions for her (without the disability coordinator's knowledge). I now think this was a mistake and I really should have shut this behavior down right then, but I just went along with it since it was just prerequisites that I didn't really think were specifically useful to the masters program and I didn't really want to risk getting into the masters program without her.
So were in the masters program now and she has to get the professors to sign off on disability paperwork in order for it to be official and take her tests in the testing center where she is timed and proctored. One of the professors forgets to sign and send off the paperwork and she doesn't bother him about it until months later a day or two before the test. So since the professor didn't fill out the paperwork he gives her the 90 minute open note test to take home and an entire day to finish it.
She asks me to help her on it (she does give me an out, "Idk if you're comfortable helping me with any of this but if you are plz do."), I say no, she texts me "haha ya dick". Then about 30 minutes later she starts asking specific questions anyways and I start guiding her to specific slides where she can find the information thinking that it was open note anyways and guiding her to the specific slides to find answers isn't *really* cheating. 45 minutes of this goes by and it's getting to the point that I'm googling stuff for her, highlighting specific text in the slides, and writing out examples so I put an end to it and tell her,
"Anyways I didn't want to help you, and now I'm helping you. It's not mean-spirited or anything, but since we're in the masters program now I don't want to help you with tests."
She responds with,
"Dude it's taken me over 4 hours to do this test and it even took you and the rest of the class extra time. If you don't want to help me fine, whatever but I don't understand what being in the masters program has to do with it. I'm at a huge disadvantage with all this stuff and it's not like we're competitors. Also you know I would do the same for you but I guess that's just because I'm nice and actually care about your success. :| :| :| :| :| :| :|"
Pretty much the entire class stayed and extra ~20 minutes to finish the test, so time was an issue for this test. Also in addition to her disability her dad died a couple months ago and her family is having a hard time with that so that's probably what she's referring to with "all this stuff".
So two days pass with no communication. We get our tests back and I get 99% and she gets 98%. I tell her, "see, you didn't need my help anyways" to which she tells me that she's angry with me and she had to go to the professor to get even more time and he held her hand for two hours through all the questions on the test that she couldn't do (which, from seeing what she accomplishes while working independently, was probably all of them). From what I understand she turned the test in the day we got the tests back (she had a total of ~40 hours to complete the test).
I then tell her my reasoning that literally nobody wins by helping her cheat on tests. I have to spend my time, she doesn't learn anything, it's unfair to all the other students, and any future employer will have a false perception of her capabilities. To which she responds: who cares?, nobody's going to find out; we'll have to learn all of this again on the job anyways; I have a disability and need this help to succeed (basically her argument seemed to be that she's entitled to cheat because any accommodation she received isn't going to make up for her disability); you have a misguided moral aversion to helping me cheat; accused me of thinking that she isn't worthy of being in this program (since she would not be there without my help); she spends time driving me home, I can spend time helping her with a test. We pretty much left it at agreeing to disagree but she still thinks I'm being an asshole.
**Conclusion:**
Am I the asshole here? I admit maybe I've been enabling this kind of behavior from her by helping her so much with schoolwork and setting a precedent by helping her on previous tests, but I've since changed my mind and now feel like cheating on tests is going too far. I did genuinely try to teach her, but it just grinds me down after hours of trying and failing to get her to understand a topic and we get to the point where she just goes: 'look, this needs to get done and we have like 30 minutes left, can you just tell me what to do?' and at that point I'm just too tired to bother arguing about it.
**It gets a bit ranty down here:**
I admit I may be a bit bitter still about being kicked out after she seemed so enthusiastic about me living at her place long term and kicking me out under such stupid circumstances too. It also doesn't help that she has been constantly complaining about how little time she has to study or do homework despite the fact she has no job and her boyfriend does all the housework and pays all the bills. Meanwhile I have to get a part time job (~12 hours/week) to pay the bills because she kicked me out and live by myself and still have so much time to waste I've picked up a time-consuming hobby since starting this masters program just to keep from getting bored.
It kind of does bother me that I have never once held any of the massive amount of work I do for her against her in order to get her to do stuff for me, but then she offers to drives me 5 minutes home in the direction she was going anyways (which I've told her I appreciate, but I am far from needing) and now she's taken whatever that's worth and implying that kind of stuff is in exchange for helping her on the test.
I feel like I'm almost at my wit's end with her. I've told her a couple times before the masters program started that I cannot and will not carry her through the masters program. I sincerely didn't mind so much when it was simpler courses but now that we're in some pretty difficult courses it has gotten extremely stressful for me when I have to do her homework for her and she ***clearly*** does not understand almost anything from the classes and no matter how I try to explain things or how many times I tell her things she just does not understand or remember. And I get this is part of her disability, **I get it**, but I feel like she really needs to do some soul searching because after ~6 years of college and ~24 years in the education system she should have figured out how to effectively learn with her disability by this point. Furthermore, this masters program is basically tailored to a specific career and what we learn in this program is very similar to on-the-job duties and as such I feel like if she graduates she will be vastly unqualified for any employment she finds in this career.
Also: I'm aware that it does seem that I'm being taken advantage of, but she's pretty much my only RL frie
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
We1kj71Xf1gPbUzrfN3n3uUtyCSpUCSe
|
b5klpr
|
{
"description": "wanting my mom to pay for hulu in part because she originally didn't want it",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for wanting my mom to pay for hulu in part because she originally didn't want it
|
Disclaimers: 13 years old, and on mobile
So, for the past few months, our family pirated off our friend's Hulu account, which I didn't enjoy but my mom said our friend was fine with it so I went along with it. Turns out our friend did care, because she changed her password recently.
I was kinda relieved that I wasn't pirating, but I also wanted to watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine reruns, so I asked my mom if we could get our own Hulu account, but she didn't want to get yet another monthly subscription.
So my brother and I decided to make our own account and split the cost. $6 a month each, and unlimited B99. Yay! We made a rule that anyone who wants to join in has to split the cost with us.
So my mom only watches one show, so she asked us for our Hulu password. I asked if she was going to pay for it, and she said no. I didn't really want to give her the password, so here's the arguments she used
"I feel like it's a good way of giving back for all the trips and food and clothes and Netflix we pay for. You guys are completely dependent, so it's a nice way to show appreciation by paying for Hulu."
"I don't want to pay for another monthly subscription, we already have Showtime and HBO and cable and Netflix (we only ever use the last two)"
"We give out our Netflix to our parents, our friend didn't mind us using their Hulu, if you're already paying, why not hand it out for free if you have the extra profiles?"
"I only watch one show, do I really have to pay $4 a month for it?"
When I argued back, she said "I don't want it anyway, this is stupid" and changed the Netflix password.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
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|
WRONG
|
rKcwbUS4EhFXFLApLqbDZnqNhU2wLYtd
|
axzjqe
|
{
"description": "ignoring a friend who borrowed money from me but didn't give it back for 2 weeks",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA For ignoring a friend who borrowed money from me but didn't give it back for 2 weeks
|
This story needs a little backstory.
​
Last month a very close friend of mine messaged me asking if he could borrow money since he was moving out of his parents home and had to pay some college fees. Since this was a very good friend, I lended him around 250 euros (Which is a lot for me since I'm just a student). He told me numerous times he would give it back to my by the 11th. Days pass and on the 11th I messaged him asking if he could return the money. No reaction... Two days later he messaged me saying he was busy with school and that he would send it over right away. 2 days later, still no money. I send him an angry message saying he should return the money as I need it back. He messaged me a day later saying sorry and that he send it over. I check my bank account the next day to find out he only send over 100 euros. I'm fuming at this point because I feel like I'm being fucked over. I call and message him multiple times but don't get a reaction. After a while of messaging he tells me that he was sorry but he just couldn't get the money in time and that he promises that he should have it by next week. I tell him if it isn't in my bank account by monday I'm getting other people involved. By tuesday the rest of the money finally showed up in my bank account, 2 weeks after the original day he was supposed to return it. I had my own bills to pay which I needed the money from.
​
I haven't spoken to him since. Now he messaged saying he is back in town and wants to hang out (When he still lived close to my house we hung out multiple times a week). I ignored his first 5 messages and heard from our mutual friends that I shouldn't be that angry because 'That's just his personality'. Am I the asshole for not wanting to hang out with him anymore? My friends told me that I shouldn't throw away this friendship just because of this but I feel like he disrespected my after I helped him out.
​
TLDR:
Friend borrowed money, didnt give it back for 2 weeks now I dont wanna hang out anymore but my friends told me that I shouldn't blame him cause it's just 'his personality'
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
XxLXiLNLRKyV3ySVs0ZndaRPSE9xdcW9
|
arowio
|
{
"description": "standing up for a girl that was being hit on Valentines day? am I sexist",
"pronormative_score": 23,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for standing up for a girl that was being hit on Valentines day? Am I sexist?
|
This happened on Valentine day's but I only found out about the reaction this morning. We all go to school in a fairly large college town.
​
I went out with some friends to a couple bars late at night, and my roommate/friend invited some of his friends to tag along with us. One of them is this girl that I guess has issues with me since the moment she met me. There was 8 of us in total, myself included, 4 guys and 4 girls. We had been barhopping since 10 and it was already around 12. The guys had pregamed pretty hard before we headed downtown and most of the girls are not 21 yet so they couldn't drink. I hadn't drank at all up until that point so I made sure to keep track of everyone in our little group.
​
We were moving in between bars, and I'm not going to lie, the area is pretty sketchy late at night. To give the area context, its where all the bars and clubs are, so everyone from my university and the town itself go to party. There's alot of crime in this place, alot of homeless people and other sketchy individual live in this area, this area is famous for fights, robberies, and assaults. There's a large police presence in the area because of this. We even saw a hit and run happen just as we were about to cross the street. (The car escaped)
​
There we are, about to hit up the last bar for the night, and the group was getting separated. The guys and I were in our own little group walking ahead of the girls, while the girls were behind us with last two helping each other walk because one of them could barely stand up to walk. Since I was sober, I made sure that everyone was accounted for and were just about to cross the street and we were about half a block away, I realize we picked up an extra person. This random dude I hadn't seen at all, was talking to the last 2 girls, trying to pull them away. No one else noticed what was going on, I tapped my buddy on the shoulder to come with me to talk to the guy but he didn't realize there was a random guy following us.
​
As I approached the guy, I could hear him say they should go with him to this other bar and he was getting real close to them. One of the girls could barely stand up straight to walk, so the other girl couldn't walk away fast enough to move away from him so I got in between them by sticking my arm out and wrapping around the girl in kinda a half hug and turning toward the guy and telling him they were good and that they were with our group of friends. It worked for a moment because he backed up immediately but then one of the girls (the one that doesn't like me) says that they didn't need me and that I didn't have to touch her.
​
That shit left me stumped and I suddenly felt really awkward so I immediately let go and I walked away back to my friends. By that point, the rest of the guys figured out what was happening and were like "who dafuq is this guy?" while pointing at this guy. And since I walked away from the girls, the guy used the opportunity to come back up to the girls and talk to them. He followed us the whole way to the bar. The atmosphere was awkward after that, we all got quiet after that with the guy being the only one talking.
​
The whole time time we were walking, he was trying to talk to the girls saying "We should go to this bar", "Where is that bar located" and "Why don't we wanna go to that bar." When we finally reached the bar and it became clear we were not going everywhere else, the guy dipped and disappeared.
​
We went inside, the guys and I went into our little group and did our own thing, while the girls went into their own, before dipping out early.
​
This was a couple of days ago, and my roommate told me this morning that his friend (the annoying one) that she is upset with me, that the girls could have handled it and they didn't need my help, I didn't have to touch her, and that they didn't need man to defend themselves, and I need to tone it down with my machismo. (I think she said the last part because she knows I'm Latino). I talked my roommate and my friends about it if I did a bad thing and we laughed about it. But I honestly feel a little hurt now and like I did something wrong.
​
I'm wasn't trying to be a knight in shining armor, I wasn't rescuing a damsel in distress. I didn't expect anything owed to me. I just saw someone that was in need of help and I reacted because I felt like I was doing the right thing but I guess not. In hindsight, I realize what I did was very stupid and dangerous. The guy could have reacted very negatively to what I did, he could have had a knife or a gun. I could have gotten into a fight or worse. Like violent crime is a common occurrence. (The Bojangles in front of my apartment was robbed this week with an AK47 style weapon and they got away from the police.) I get kicked out of my program with only a year and half left before I graduated for a career I worked so hard to achieve, or my parents lose their only child.
Not worth it.
​
Lesson learned, No good deed goes unpunished.
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
Yvkm3dVRNe3YRnQ2PZ4TMnI3iB5OFzBh
|
aynfq7
|
{
"description": "calling the cops on my downstairs neighbors party",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA i called the cops on my downstairs neighbors party.
|
AITA i called the cops on my downstairs neighbors party. Am I the asshole for never trying to go down there and talk? I work at 6 am I don't want to have to try to deal with 10 drunk college kids.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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|
RIGHT
|
dqSgeZS8Bjg9zcHqpCYE2CQb9Bo29IVC
|
b97wzs
|
{
"description": "driving exactly the speed limit in the left lane during a heavy rainstorm",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for driving exactly the speed limit in the left lane during a heavy rainstorm?
|
Title says it all pretty much. My commute home is entirely on local roads and has mostly left turns.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
ol84rLzq7f0jxyejgYvK4BwIPJrtLL16
|
a55aax
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my bf for pushing me away",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my BF for pushing me away?
|
I haven't talked to my BF for a couple of days now and keep rethinking this situation, thus decided to ask y'all AITA.
Back story: this past Saturday I was having a beer with my close friend at a bar next to both our homes. My BF of two years was out working on a project with his colleagues till around 11 PM that night. My friend and I were still at the bar when my BF called me and asked whether we're still there and should he join us as he had finished his work. I said sure, the more the merrier.
So he comes to the bar, we get another round of beers and as this bar is open 24/7, it is not unexpected that all sorts of people come in. Also, it is not very rare for a fight to happen outside this bar (though a pretty safe area otherwise). We're drinking our beer when something smashes into the window behind us. Of course, a couple of dudes (friends from what they seemed) were fighting each other. A pretty nasty fight is happening and as I am not very keen on seeing people smash each other's faces, I turn away. My friend and my BF are watching the fight through the window and as I was a bit scared I tried holding my BF's hand. That's when he harshly pushed both my hand and me away from himself and told me not to touch him. This is when I got mad.
​
After we left the bar around an hour later I said it was very mean of him to behave that way and that it shows me he doesn't respect me if he can push me around like that. He said it was not his fault as he was "really into the fight and felt like he was in it himself."
​
So AITA for not speaking to my BF and being mad for him pushing me away like that?
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{
"description": "telling my best friend that we're getting \"divorced\"",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my best friend that we're getting "divorced"?
|
So the other day, i was in the gym with my friend and we were sparring each other and he hit a slightly painful blow on my back and i lost my balance and fell over. For no reason at all, i just yelled "Ok that's it WE'RE GETTING A DIVORCE" At him. He looked at me furiously then ran out of the gym. I thought it was a joke but then he ignored me the rest if the day. I just said it without thinking and it kinda is my fault.
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"description": "leading on a gay man and not telling him our \"hookup\" was just an experiment for me",
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|
AITA for leading on a gay man and not telling him our “hookup” was just an experiment for me?
|
(Using a throwaway account for obvious reasons, also I’m on mobile so apologies)
(Tl:Dr at the bottom)
This is something I’ve always wanted to know, figured I’d finally get it off my chest...
So rewind about 4 years. I was in San Francisco.on business but I have family out there so visit them while I’m there. I, of course, wanted to see the night life of the city and really take in what it had to offer. My family members obliged and we went out and had a few drinks.
I’m in my mid-20s at the time but the family I was visiting was much older, late-40’s and very settled down. So they’ve outgrown the whole “stay out past 12” phase of life, but not me. I was staying in a hotel as I was there on business. So after we parted ways I decided to keep perusing the city as the night was still young and my meeting the next day wasn’t till noon (plenty of time for the Advil and pedialyte to work its magic)
I’ll leave the name of the bar out but it was in the Polk Gulch area. Nice little place, quaint. I’ve always been a fan of the “hole-in-the-wall” bar vibe as opposed to the big, boisterous bar scene. So I go in, it’s about 12:30ish, I’m having a few drinks, the night is going well enough. I have small talk with a few women, nothing really develops (I was painfully single at the time) But across the bar I see a man staring me down. At first they were passing glances (but still noticeable) but as I was passing glances myself to just be sure he was, in fact, staring at me and not someone else, his staring intensified.
Now I’m from New York City (moved from the city to upstate a handful of times but spent more time in the City than not). The bar scene can be very hostile at times (not always), especially at this hour of the night. So for me, a guy who is 1000mi away from home, has been incredibly heterosexual up to this point in my life and never experienced this kind of encounter with a man before,(He in no way appeared outwardly homosexual and was a very muscular man, might I add) my immediate reaction was to respond defensively with a narrowed glare.
He must’ve taken this as an invitation because he immediately began walking over to me. I was preparing myself for a confrontation right up until he greeted me with “I’m glad I can grab the attention of someone attractive in here.” Needless to say I was taken aback and took a few seconds to switch gears.
I probably should’ve expected it, I mean of course I was aware of the sizable homosexual community that’s present in San Francisco but I was fairly tipsy at this point and my defenses are always up when I’m in unfamiliar territory. So I respond nicely enough, we strike up a conversation, I’m actively trying to keep it friendly and light. I don’t have any issue with homosexuality. My worldview is “As long as you’re not a dick, nothing else should matter”.
So it’s fairly clear the guy is interested. He’s doing the “passively touching of the shoulder” and laughing a bit too hard at things and making flirty comments. But I really didn’t mind, the guy was a good conversationalist, and seemed like a good enough dude.
At this point it’s about 1ish I believe(I was pretty deep at this point) but I thought to myself. “You know what? Fuck it. I’ve never done this before, never experienced this at all before. Why not give a shot? Broaden my horizons a bit. See if I am, for sure, straight. Not like anyone I know is ever going to find out about it.”
Now here is why I think I might be the asshole here...
I didn’t tell the gay guy this was my first time/an experiment for me. In my mind, I thought it would be a turn off and drunk me was very very committed to this at this point. So we have some more good conversation, enjoy the night, dance a bit, drunk some more, I’m (trying) to flirt back, he’s pretty receptive to it.
(Kinda NSFW in the next paragraph)
So it’s about 2-2:30ish and we decide to finally leave and go back to my hotel. We get back and the ‘physical contact’ commences and oh boy.....was it bad. I almost threw up after about >1minute of oral, anal was a haaaaard negative (even with a gracious amount of lube) as soon as the tip went in. The gay guy was VERY into it but I couldn’t even get it up despite his best efforts and my best efforts to close my eyes and think about Lagertha from Vikings.
It was just a total bust and it didn’t take long for the gay guy to catch on to the fact I wasn’t exactly “experienced.” I finally confessed to him that this was an experiment for me and I apologized for not telling him at all beforehand. He did say he was upset (I mean I blueballed the shit out of the guy) and that he felt “led on” but, overall, he was very understanding and I ordered him an Uber back to his place.
The next day I killed it in my meeting, hopped on a plane, went back to New York and have pretended it never happened since.
So, AITA?
Tl ;Dr: Highly heterosexual male visits San Fran, goes to a regular bar, gets hit on by gay guy. Has never had homosexual experience before but says “fuck it” because he’s 1000mi from home and “best way to know for sure if I’m straight.” Doesn’t tell gay guy this is a bit of an experiment but begins flirting back. Male and gay guy leave bar, go back to Hotel, sexy times commence, gay guy very into it but straight guy is very much struggling. Can’t get it up, almost throws up during oral, anal (even with lube) was a hard negative, overall just not a good time. Confessed to gay guy that it was an experiment for him. Gay guy is slightly upset, says he felt “led on” but was very very understanding nonetheless. Gay guy goes home, straight guy goes about the rest of his life as if nothing happened.
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AITA - Fiancee wont admit she has a child
|
Hi All,
​
So 13 years ago my fiancee had a baby she gave up for an open adoption. She sees her daughter every 2 months and is facebook friends with the adoptive parents and she has a great relationship with the family. Anyhow, we recently got engaged which means family invitations are going out. However, she wants her daughter to be a bridesmaid and involved in the wedding. Though the problem is that half her family doesn't know about her daughter, they kept it quiet. They didn't tell our even speak to her family in Nebraska and Iowa, her Dad's side doesn't know that happened. The Dad's side is very extensive so like 58 of wedding invites are going there, like 13 to her mother side. my side is getting 45 invites which is fine since well, i have a few close friends and some family.
I want her to tell that side of the family that her daughter Emily exist and what happened. It was 13 years ago, and life happens. I would prefer this to some sort of crazy mic speech at the wedding. I told her tonight, "look you need to tell them, or we need to have a private ceremony" because I don't want this. She cried and called me 11 times after I told her, I am at a loss. I don't know what to think. But I don't want issues at the wedding that would ruin it.
Tl:DR: Fiancee was a birth mother to baby 13 years ago, her dad's side of the family doesn't know, but she wants her daughter in the wedding (since they have a good open adoption). I don't want the wedding ruined by her dad's side freaking out during what should be a good day, I think she should tell them.
​
If I am said asshole: How can I fix this or at least amend my request, I think part of this is reconciliation. I am looking for fixes rather than being told I should end my life or break up. She's awesome.
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{
"description": "wanting to get my neighbors car towed",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for wanting to get my neighbors car towed?
|
I live in a subdivision where you are not allowed to park in the street. Typically I do not mind when people do, except for this one vehicle parked in the same spot for over a month. It looks like it was in an accident and has out of state plates. If the car wasn’t parked right on a tight bend this wouldn’t be an issue but it’s not and many of us have almost collided with one another because of it. I reached out to our HOA but haven’t received any response from them. I want to call the tow company that has their sign up all over; but I also don’t want to be the asshole that starts getting everyone towed because of this one vehicle.
What should I do?
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{
"description": "checking things about a girl on facebook to know her better",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for checking things about a girl on facebook to know her better ?
|
Start to know me:
So this happened about 2-3 years ago and i still can't get over it, i come from a family of alcoholic's and im really sensitive, im scared of lots of thing im scared of being left alone and I'm still having therapy sessions because of my family, right now im scared of you guys because you might think im making stuff up to not feel guilty but i already feel guilty.
Normal story:
I really like people that i can relate to if they are shy and weird i like them don't know why but when i was a child i really liked and still like girls with short hair i once sent to my friend photo or a painting found on twitter saying "my dream girl" Or something like that she then showed me her friend that looked exactly like the girl in the photo. So a month later or so i texted the girl she was very cool and so we talked we had similar taste in music and she was also very shy and weird but obviously my brain got scared and I didn't know what else to talk about i decided to check her facebook what she likes it was the time when facebook was still popular in my country so we talked normally she didn't care about most things i checked or she tolerated it i wanted to have a serious friendship or a relationship whatever she wanted i would be happy to have a friend like that then one day she stopped responding. I got depressed year later my friend asked her about me and she said "he was amazing but he knew too much about me and that scared me" i don't know if she wasn't aware of it that you can check stuff on facebook or was it seriously that weird. When i accepted that I'm a creep and a weirdo i got addicted to stuff like cigarettes and mj i stoped going to therapy started taking pills after smoking because i felt that my whole body was in pain and so i decided to write my story here, help me I want to know is there something wrong with me.
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{
"description": "being unable to attend family gathering",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being unable to attend family gathering?
|
Throwaway. Sorry for bad format. 20 year old male working full-time and living at home with mom, step mom, and step brother.
​
This weekend my family wanted to see if I could come with them to a party for my step-mom's cousin. I said yes but then after getting to work and seeing my schedule I saw I would be unable to switch with anyone for the days I needed off. I came home and told them the bad news and they all took it very hard. My mom even broke out into tears (holidays are tough for her). They are all pretty emotional because of some serious things in their life. Due to that I often am made into a integral part for our family to have fun. This is usually ok as I go to very many places with them and love to see them have fun. However, this time I couldn't make it. NYE I get a text from my step-mom telling me how much I have hurt the family on the whole and ruined the whole weekend for them. I am not surprised by this as I am often made into a bad guy when I say no to doing something with them. I have struggled with self hate before and this didn't help. I feel as if they constantly depend on me and since I fell through on this they have hardly talked to me.
​
Sorry for awkward post, I have never tried to write this down before and it is so complicated that I doubt anyone gets what is wrong. I am just having a really hard time since I love them so much but I feel nothing but guilt when I am with them. Am I the Asshole?
​
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"description": "warning a vulnerable person to stay away from my ex",
"pronormative_score": 16,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
WIBTA if I warn a vulnerable person to stay away from my ex?
|
Throwaway account, to avoid a potential shit show from reddit-using friends.
Bit of context about my relationship with my ex and with the vulnerable person (VP): I was with my ex for just shy of 5 years, and for the first year or so, everything was amazing! However over time he became controlling financially, expected to be able to choose what I wore, how my hair was cut/styled, and expected me to either skip work or university if he decided he wanted to see me, as well as emotionally abusing me about my weight and controlling what I ate to the point I developed an eating disorder. Close friends helped me get myself to a place where I was able to leave, and I ended the relationship. VP was a mutual friend of ours, and had been through a messy breakup about 3 years into our relationship, after which he stopped talking to her, and began talking about her behind her back. He kept saying that the reason she had a tough breakup was because she "packed on the pounds after they got together" and repeatedly said she deserved it as she no longer looked the same as she did when her relationship started. VP has mental health issues including debilitating anxiety, and a history of binging/purging food when suffering through a difficult period with said condition.
Recently during a catch-up with a different friend, I was told that my ex had begun messaging VP asking for a date, and had apparently been using backhanded compliments such as "You're so pretty for a plus sized girl" "You're the first big girl I could see myself going out with" (VP is a UK size 10, for reference). VP showed my friend the messages and my friend reassured her that he meant them as a compliment and she might be more sensitive due to her anxiety. I explained to my friend details about what went down with my ex, and expressed concern that VP might end up in a situation that could seriously affect her mental health, but was told that it's none of my business, saying anything would dent VP's confidence as she hasn't dated since her breakup, and that I'm only trying to get involved because it's my ex.
Would I be the asshole if I told VP that my ex has a history of abusing and controlling women based on weight? It took me so long to get out of that relationship, and I'm still struggling with the after effects, I don't want to see someone already struggling have to go through any of what I did. I can't tell if it's overstepping my bounds, especially as it hits a nerve for me, and there's nobody I can turn to IRL who can help me judge the situation.
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"description": "not fully siding with my wife against my dad",
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|
AITAH for not fully siding with my Wife against my Dad?
|
My Wife has always had an issue with my Dad, and it's worth mentioning she's had an issue with older men ever since her parents split when she was much younger, and has trust issues with her own Father - various events that have left her with generalized anxiety. We've been together around 13 years, married for 5, and over that time she has grown increasingly less fond of my Dad, to the point where she never wants to see him again.
​
It's fair to say my Dad may have stepped a foot or two in the Autistic spectrum when it comes to gauging people's moods or handling certain social situations. He's an introvert who wanted to be an extrovert - I'm sure he once told me he believed charismatic/engaging people are those who just act on their ideas of what might be funny without worrying about what other people might think, and while we as a family we have been completely used to this from him (to the point of not seeing it as strange in any way), his efforts to be a 'goofball' or get a laugh have made other people uncomfortable - something he either gets annoyed at or doesn't seem to notice.
​
When my wife and I first started dating at 17/18, my Dad would try and treat her much like he did me and my sister - trying to get a laugh chasing her around the dining room table pretending to tickle her, or jumping out at her. I thought nothing of it, until my wife told me it made her really uncomfortable and asked me to tell my dad to stop. I admit I thought she was taking it too seriously, and thought it was mainly down to her issues with older men, but I asked him to stop and for the most part he did. Things were better for a while, but some behavior crept back in, and all I could see was my dad being a dork or trying to include my wife in what was essentially part of our family humor. His actions seemed completely innocent to me, if at times poorly judged or conceived, and as much as I saw my wife's discomfort, I always told her it was meant in good spirit and had a hard time seeing why that was not a good enough excuse.
​
The worst came about 9 years in. In the past my Dad would jokingly try and give me or my sister a big wet kiss as a stupid goodbye, intended to be funny simply for the ridiculousness of it. You can guess where this is going right? He tried it on my wife as we were leaving my parents' house and she was convinced he tried to kiss her on the mouth, pushed him to get away, and my dad stormed off in a sulk. Another time at a party he told her 'I nearly pinched your bum in that dress'. Definitely inappropriate, but at the time I thought it was just him attempting to be cheeky and completely landing outside the mark.
​
There have been many times over the years where we've met with my parents and absolutely nothing has happened, and at times I thought things were much, much better. However, after spending a few days at my Parents' house just after Christmas 2017, my wife was talking to my Dad and brother in law (who she's also not super keen on) about something trivial, and their attitude in disagreeing with her made her snap. She told my Dad to 'Fuck Off', went upstairs and we left the next morning to awkward goodbyes. Since then she has refused to talk to or see my dad, refused to travel with me to see them (its a 5 hour drive) and we have a 2-year-old.
​
It has meant over the last year my parents have only spent about 10 hours total with their grandson when they come up to see me, something which hurts us all and feels like they are being completely left out. My wife has made it clear she does not want them in the house, let alone staying over, and has only agreed to see my Mum once without my Dad.
​
It's reached a peak where we argue about the grandparent situation more than anything, and it gets worse every time. She's now so distressed about it that she has had counseling for that and other issues, and recently after I tried to encourage her to give my parents some slack decided to report the events I've previously described from several years ago as sexual assault to the police.
​
I'm at a loss. I want to support my wife and I can see her pain, but I can't find myself able to completely side with her while she essentially condemns a man I have viewed as an excellent, loving father, despite his faults. I know my dad never intended to hurt her and am 100% sure all was meant in jest, but I understand he needs to be held accountable for his poorly judged actions and I am struggling to get over this hurdle.
​
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{
"description": "ghosting my mom on her birthday because of my depression",
"pronormative_score": 6,
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}
|
AITA For ghosting my mom on her birthday because of my depression
|
From the title you all probably made up your minds and I dont really blame you. Its possible youre right. The fight after the fact put me in defense mode so im making this post to see what others think.
Ive been depressed for two months. Eating very little. Not shaving or showering much. I quit my job and have been living off my savings.
My girlfriend of seven months got pregnant with my daughter, but decided to abort. We broke up. Ive been alone ever since. I dont want to get out of bed, and I spend most of my days watching videos of babies playing and hugging on youtube, crying, watching more videos, crying, eating, sleeping ect.
My family knows but I asked them to keep distance from me. I want to be alone. My mom has been worried about me and begged me to attend her birthday so she could see me. I promised to go but the day of I imagined how much I would like to go to my daughters first birthday and I just collapsed in bed and turned my phone off.
I looked up this picture https://ibb.co/b7jwFTK and just stared at it all day.
My brother in law came banging on my apartment door but i didnt answer.
Later my sister blew up my phone and called me a POS for not coming despite my promise. I told her to lose my number and that she doesn't know how I feel.
AITA
|
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{
"description": "getting mad at my boss over a scheduling miscommunication",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my boss over a scheduling miscommunication
|
Today is my day off and I live a solid half an hour away from the place that I work. A week ago I agreed to doing an 8am to 5pm shift on this Friday and next Friday, as well as coming in early on Monday to help out. It’s mostly because of the overtime pay since I’m a full time employee and I could use the extra money. I’ve been working at this place for a good three months now and haven’t had any issues with overtime. My manager isn’t the best at communicating things so I always have to sit down and talk to her, asking specific questions. “What time exactly do you need me to come in? What are the plans for that day? Did you do [insert task here] yet?” Etc. And sometimes still I’ll show up to a shift and have to do some of her work because she didn’t do it. I’m just adding this here so you know that she typically has me doing work that’s her responsibility to make sure it gets done, because she trusts me to get it done right. That’s one of the reasons why I haven’t had an issue being able to pick up overtime.
Two days ago she let me know that her boss told her to try to find a part timer to do those shifts instead so they don’t need to be payed an overtime salary (time and a half pay). I told her I understood that, and I wanted her to let me know the moment she found someone, as well as to take me off the schedule once she did. Yesterday she told me about the girl she found, but she also told me that the girl could only do 9:30am to 4pm which wasn’t really going to help as much. She said she was going to call and talk to her. Again, I told her to please let me know if she didn’t need me to come on Friday. Fast forward to today, I show up at 8am for her to ask me “What’re you doing here Big-Purple-Dinosaur?”
Honestly at first I thought that it was a joke. I told her, “I’m here for the 8 to 5.” And she basically told me that she got the other person to do the shift even though it wasn’t the full shift just because they’re part time and her boss would be happy. But, that if I wanted to, since I was already there, I could help out by calling that person to let them know they weren’t needed today. Now I’m not the kind of person who’d be comfortable doing that. That’s something that’s fully her job, and it’s something that should have been done the day before. I told her it was fine and that I’d just go home to ‘sleep’ or get other things done. She said goodbye and closed the door on me so I left and took another half hour to drive home.
On my drive home I couldn’t help but think about the gas I wasted, the fact that I woke up early and got everything ready for the day on my day off just to have to go back home. Once I got home home, I sent her the following text message:
“Hey, sorry about today. I know we talked about [part timer] coming in today. You told me she could only stay till 4 and that you were going to talk to her about things. I told you I could only stay till 5 and you said that was okay so I thought I was still coming in. I guess it was just miscommunication. Did you find someone to come in early on Monday? Is [part timer] going to do next Friday too? Just keep me posted. Wouldn’t want this to happen again.”
She’s read it and hasn’t responded yet.
Am I an asshole for being upset over this and the way I talked to her?
TL;DR Boss scheduled me on my day off for a shift. Gave the shift to someone else. Didn’t really tell me not to come in. Drove half an hour up a mountain to get to work just to drive another half hour back home. AITA for being annoyed and how I acted in response?
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RIGHT
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o7IM4luUbbQEVw0MQaGAfj0egyBFrM5i
|
ambyzc
|
{
"description": "giving my girlfriend a photo album filled with pictures of her for our anniversary",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 96
}
|
AITA For giving my girlfriend a photo album filled with pictures of her for our anniversary?
|
My girlfriend (23f) and I (24m) just had our 2 month anniversary this past saturday and it was....less than ideal.
I am an amatuer photographer. Its a hobby of mine and I love capturing parts of the world, just freezing beautiful things in time so they can be preserved forever. And my gf is beautiful, so I figured why not take pictures of her?
Ive been following her to work and to her home (not inside her home just to the door), taking pictures of her from my car or discreetly in the store she works at (shes a cashier so shes stationery for long periods of time). I also took pictures of her eating with friends and I got the cutest picture of her drinking a soda but looking out the window.
While we were together eating dinner I had a friend of mine sit at a different table and secretly take pictures of us.
I organized all of these pictures into three "Chapters" in the album. Past, Present, and Future.
Past is her working retail as im trying to get her to quit and live with me as I have enough money to support us both.
Present is her enjoying herself with her friends, sort of waiting for what comes next and enjoying the ride.
Future is filled with her and myself together.
I thought this was very romantic but she did not react as id hoped. She was weirded out by me taking so many pictures of her at different times. She thought I hired a private investigator to do it and that i didnt do it myself. This itself offends me a little bit because I take great pride in my ability to get seemingly impossible shots stealthfully. I can get within a foot of a flock of birds without them noticing me and flying off.
This project also took me 3 weeks and involved me using my friend. I was upset at her reaction and i did somewhat scream at her. Not to mention the fact that she got me nothing in return. We are now fighting. AITA here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
clwOm7iU6PP4n8kyTYGkzrLym9gRdyc6
|
a8scbh
|
{
"description": "not wanting to rewatch the same old Christmas movies again this year",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not wanting to rewatch the same old Christmas movies again this year?
|
My wife enjoys the tradition of watching all of her favorite Christmas movies every year which is fine for her but I find them so boring now.
I work long hours 6 days a week and the last thing I want to do is waste my evening, let alone my few days off rewatching the same old shit.
She says that I don't have a nostalgic bone in my body but God dammit if I have to feign interest in Annabelle's wish again.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 9,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
M6DV3Cfr66dewTZ54fcROpjyHSbmJaCd
|
aox9y7
|
{
"description": "being embarrassed by my uncultured family",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 14
}
|
AITA for being embarrassed by my uncultured family?
|
No one in my family has any money they don't travel, they eat garbage fast food, they don't read books etc. All they really do is work and watch TV. They are also very close minded about anything that is not "real" like spiritual things. I'm not a pseud but I like talking about philosophy, metaphysics, art and classic literature I major in math so i'm not exactly a scholar on any of those topics but in my free time I prefer reading over watching TV. Jung is my favorite author etc. At Christmas dinner my mom remarked about me never bringing my girlfriend over, she sees on my instagram that I take photos with her and she would like to meet her. My girlfriend comes from a rich family. They are billionaires, she went to private school, she has travelled everywhere. Her education is very different from my public education I didn't read Homer or Dante until I was an adult but she says she studied them in elementary school so we have very different academic upbringings. Her parents talk about Jung with me and seem to know so much about philosophy, psychology, really any topic. They talk about Art and entertain more "hippy" topics like enlightenment, the occult, energy and all that. My parents are materialists in every sense of the word. Anyway I bring my girlfriend over for lunch today since we both had a day off, I just had dinner with her parents the night before and spoke about Art, and literature. With my family the conversation drifts to TV and movies and I look at my girlfriend and get uncomfortable since her family doesn't consume mass media, they don't keep up with the news or pop culture, or politics, they really don't care about any of it and I become really embarrassed about what my family is talking about so I said this conversation is why I don't bring anyone over you talk about the most dull topics and I said I have to leave and I left.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
Iw7UIhYjXaidqzEDFE2EY0ydsuhoBFXN
|
a6krnt
|
{
"description": "posting a picture of a glitched thing in a game and getting tons of questions why I use hacks",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA when I posted a picture of a glitched thing in a game and got tons of questions why I use hacks?
|
I made a post on the Terraria subreddit on mobile asking why my face looked like a painting. I was looking in a chest on an all-items world. Shortly after, a bunch of other redditors asked me why I used cheats. I kept explaining it to everyone over and over, and one guy apologised after swearing at me in their comment, but everyone else just kept asking “why do you use cheats” “why do you hack you cheater” “why do you need hacks” and it got very frustrating because no one was actually answering something other than to “stop cheating you filthy hacker.” AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
WjQyBEovYMnzoEXrTURCw5oRBRHejsDF
|
a3892y
|
{
"description": "refusing to get my girlfriend anything for Christmas",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
WIBTA for refusing to get my girlfriend anything for Christmas?
|
I hate all holidays. She loves them. Normally I just give something to her but this year she broke one of my chairs accidentally. She paid to get it fixed herself but I think that's not the same thing.
Christmas is her favorite holiday. That's the only reason I'm asking.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
FgAXyUlq8gbYhb0K7w3xVH6tZmn1sJBG
|
ar0tbi
|
{
"description": "making by bf feel guilty on Valentines Day",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for making by bf feel guilty on Valentines Day?
|
I’m the consummate lurker. Sorry if this (first) post turns out so long and unreadable.
​
Sorry if this is better suited to relationships, but I’m so worried whether I’ve been the asshole or not. If that’s the verdict, I’ll be making changes / amends. I’m torn between wanting to be accommodating and realistic with my relationship, but also not be a doormat.
​
This isn’t totally V-day (a dirty word for some people) centric. My bf’s and my 2.5 yr relationship hasn’t always been straightforward – we came to the table with very different approaches. I’ve (30) been in 2-3 of longer term relationships. Bf (32) tells me I am his first committed relationship; aside from that I know nothing about his romantic past. His Facebook is a closed book (photos very limited to any outside viewer on his page), and we didn’t know each other before 3 years ago. We live abroad so I’ve little potential for meeting his older friend. I don’t feel too comfortable asking questions about his past; when I have in the past it’s turned up some information I struggled with. I try not to ask questions in case I’m not prepared for the answers. In all other respects he’s a kind, loving and respectful partner.
I learnt quickly what seems ‘obvious’ to me probably won’t to him, and that’s ok. He has some anxiety issues and I think I adjusted to thinking of about things differently. Examples – agreeing to come to a party with me might not mean he’ll talk to anyone or last past 10 minutes; planning a night in together might not happen if he’s in a certain headspace and just needs to be in a different room by himself. I know some of my friends had views on that, but I have worked on changing my expectations, being more open about what means a lot to me, and trying to work within what is comfortable to him at different times.
​
One thing about me I’ve tried to improve on is that I tend to get excited and look forward to things we plan to do together, so if we’ve been discussing going out for dinner on Friday all week and he needs to cancel, I can get sad. It’s an almost physical feeling of sadness and disappointment when something changes. I’ve worked on managing expectations and not looking forward to something until the last minute, and he’s worked on having a calendar of things somewhere obvious so he feels more accountable for commitments. We don’t do too much, maybe one or two planned thing a week, less if he is sick or tired.
​
But there’s been a bit of a cumulative effect. I feel like my confidence is going; I’ve started looking at things I’d like to do as an imposition to him. Sometimes he’ll ask 2-3 times if I still want to do something, and by the 3rd time I’ll assume he’s still asking because he doesn’t want to do it, I feel like a burden and I feel guilt for making him go to that effort. I’ll then say we should cancel, because I feel like I’m forcing it otherwise.
​
Managing my expectations works to an extent – I don’t assume I’ll get something silly like Christmas or birthday presents, I assume nothing for things like Valentines. However I like it – and I know if I want something (a Christmas dinner, a meal on Valentines) that I’m happy to plan it myself. This week however we had been having such a wonderful week – we had a big bit of good news early in the week, his anxiety seemed good, so I got a little too hopeful on the 13th and sent a text “I’ll be cooking us steak tomorrow, I forgot to mention, but if possible, it would be great if you could contribute to dinner tomorrow night (a) a bottle of wine (b) a small amount of flowers or (c) some kind of chocolate / dessert item xx Just one of the above would be appreciated :D”. I got back a heart, and “I was planning to get something you know.. I mean after you reminded me it was valentines day” which I had done, when telling him I would be cooking dinner on Thursday.
So I thoughtlessly took that to mean that he would be able to contribute one of those things, and stupidly thought it might even mean he had planned something that I hadn’t asked for.
​
Come V day I had shopped, bought and was ready to prepare snacks and a pricier steak dinner. I took longer off work to go to a medical appointment so I could stop and get a better type of food than we usually eat, as a treat for v-day and to celebrate the good news earlier in the week that he had suggested going out to celebrate, but for another reason we did not get around to doing.
​
His plans changed slightly, so was home before me and for the whole evening. He made a comment about still planning to walk into town “to get ‘those’ items”. I felt bad, and suggested the easiest of the three items – a bottle of wine from the store about 400m away from our house, and say that would be great. He doesn’t drink wine as routinely as me, and has said he finds it hard to buy sometimes, but I just said maybe he could get something he likes and we might both enjoy with dinner.
​
The hours pass and I get snacks out for both of us, and he takes a bath. I start to cook dinner and he comes up to ask if I still really want wine. I feel guilty - it's winter out, too - and say only if he would drink some; he asks a couple more times and I say no, not to worry.
​
I get disappointed and I think he can tell I’m feeling sad. I try to ignore it until it passes – go on cooking dinner, chatting, trying to not act differently. But it’s not the wine, it’s the effort I guess. It’s that he said he would. I get a little more sad, I feel silly for forcing things by cooking dinner. I can tell he had seen I’m a bit off – quieter – as he starts to hang around more, and ask to help cook (food was done) and be more cuddly / attentive. I start to feel less like spending time together. Just…sad. Later he cuddles up to me like he wants to be intimate, which is a big deal as he is less often interested in that, and as a result I leave it up to him to initiate pretty much always, so I don’t put him in the position of having to brush me off. I think this is one of the only times in our relationship I don’t respond to ‘advances’. I can’t make myself feel warm and stop feeling sad, so I agree when he asks if I want to be alone. I want to get the feeling out my head, so say to him I am feeling ‘grumpy’ and wish he would not say he is going to do something if he won’t do it. He doesn’t remember the message saying he had planned to contribute to the night, and doesn’t remember me saying the wine would be great, only that eventually I told him not to bother. He looks like he’s going to cry, that I’ve made him feel bad for putting the pressure on him on a stupid holiday, and I feel guilty like I should console him and make up.
​
Today I just feel sad. I feel like I’m the asshole, and I should just manage my expectations better – this is such a tiny thing. But it’s having cumulative effects: I don’t look forward to things like planned dinners any more- even if we go, maybe he’ll be in a mood to rather be along and it won’t be fun. I don’t feel turned on anymore until we’re way into foreplay – what if he pulls away 5 minutes in and I’m already invested. I shouldn’t have asked for anything or ‘bought into’ valentines, I’m an idiot. But AITA? It's not his holiday, he didn't want to hurt me on purpose, and I just made him feel guilty and pushed him away when he wanted to try and be close.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
LMLu8aGnlUemZ6HYCn1q0dFtg999fWPq
|
au5n6i
|
{
"description": "no longer trying with my Mormon mom",
"pronormative_score": 7,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA For No Longer Trying With My Mormon Mom
|
My mom and I have always had a very rough relationship, and my dad and I even worse, considering he was rather abusive growing up. After moving out, I got mixed up in some drugs, and trapped in an abusive relationship for two years. My mom credited it to me leaving the Mormon Church.
I then met my husband, who at the time was everything my mom dreamed of for me. A return missionary of the Mormon church, clean cut, I. College, handsome and Mormon. Over the years, she has had issues with everything I have done up to this point and the only time she backs off is when my husband repeats what I said.
Recently I decided (along with my husband) that I was done with the Mormon church, that it was a cult. My mom doesn't know yet, but she has "checked" to see if I am wearing my garments (magic underwear) and has made comments about my tattoos being trashy, or my nose piercing she thought was fake being gross. So I've just decided that I am absolutely done! because she's my mom I love her, and I always will. But I am done trying. AITA
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
RjON4e3tqeST7JihzFYBGZj6Gd2JwM2x
|
9xj17o
|
{
"description": "interrupting a speech",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 7
}
|
AITA for interrupting a speech?
|
Background:
I am in college and in a debate society. We meet weekly and debate interesting topics. It’s very formal and was established 150 years ago, so it has a lot of traditions. One of those traditions is speaking in seniority.
Today, I went to our weekly debate society meeting, and I decided I wanted to speak on the topic. I raised my hand at the same time as another member did, but I had seniority over him, so I was supposed to be called upon by the president. She called on the other student and he immediately leapt up and said 2 words. I said excuse me, I actually have seniority. He sat down, and I got up and made my speech which was the last speech of the night.
Now, for the record, it is very bad to interrupt anyone’s speech. It’s against our rules and is seen as a serious offense. However, it is not abnormal for the president to call on someone, and before they begin speaking, someone can politically correct the president (say they have seniority), and they may speak.
The problem is that he immediately started speaking as soon as he was called upon. Many people approached me afterwards and complimented me on my speech, and I approached the man afterwards and apologized for interrupting his speech. We chatted a bit and all seemed well. Later tonight, the president approached me and scolded me for the interruption. I was very embarrassed and apologized profusely, but the president was rather upset with me.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
q6YkvXBVriGupJxWvOJryIKVZu8MSMMG
|
b5euls
|
{
"description": "not letting my \"friend\" cheat off me on a test",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not letting my “friend” cheat off me on a test?
|
Right now I am a senior in high school. I am a pretty good student and I try to help my friends out as much as possible when it comes to schoolwork. This year, I have started branching out and talking to people I haven’t typically talked to. One of these people, let’s call him Joe, has become pretty close with me. We have a bunch of classes together and we study and help each other out. Recently, we have been overwhelmed with tests and assignments and have had a hard time keeping up with everything.
So flash forward to today, Joe is cramming for a test in math and I am pretty calm because I know most of the material. Before the test, I get a text from one of Joe’s closest friends which basically explains that Joe is using me to do better in school. At first, I don’t really believe him but when I think about it, it starts to make more and more sense. Joe and I typically are pretty honest with each other but I do find it weird that we are suddenly best friends after three years of not talking to each other at all.
When we get the test, Joe sits right behind me and he expects me to show him the answers and work like usual. Instead, I decide to not show him anything and let him take the test on his own. Obviously I felt bad about doing that because I knew he wasn’t ready, but I was sort of upset at the fact that he could potentially be using me. After the test, he is sort of pissed because he was relying on cheating off of me in order to do well. I know that sounds bad, but I had already told him that I would let him cheat off of me so he didn’t feel the need to study. If I had let him know I wasn’t going to let him, he would have had more time to study.
So Reddit, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
8H3HbI7jpnfy0JZVJgF3lf5WKuKu6tru
|
aoxp3w
|
{
"description": "valuing my self and wanting this guy to try harder",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 23
}
|
AITA for valuing my self and wanting this guy to try harder?
|
I'm 24yo finished my studies, already landed a high paying career making 120k a year. Not to be full of myself but people have told me I'm attractive.
Anyway there's this guy I see around often and we always have googly eyes for each other. We chat briefly and the banter is just completely natural. He seems soo genuinely excited when he sees me with a big smile. We've been acquaintances for a while. He eventually asks me for a coffee and gives me his number.
Now this guy has a pretty rough look about him. I don't think he's a player but he gets attention from girls and has an air of easygoingness and confidence about him. I've personally seen someone annoy him but he brushes it off. I text him saying I'm interested in grabbing a drink. He gets a little flirty and sets the plans up picking out a bar for us.
We texted a few days. I was talking to my friend and she is telling me how this guy needs to earn it and I came across as too easy. He works a minimum wage job. So I text him saying "I'm not totally sure about our date since I got of a relationship." I leave it open for him to pursue me.
He texts me back "ok well if you change your mind let me know". I got really upset he didn't think I was worth the effort. I don't hear from him for a week. Until he texts me out of the blue inviting me to hang with his friends which I turned down. He goes missing again until 10 days later he texts me asking a question about myself. I left him on read, I feel like I don't deserve this sporadic bullshit.
He did mention he has problems going on at work. I thought they were just excuses at the time. But in hindsight he was telling the truth and lost a lot of work.
Whenever I bump into him he is polite, but he's not excited when he sees me. It's been 2 months and no-one has reached out to each other. I really was hoping he would try and talk to me again.
So it's been 2 months and I texted him "hey". He replied with "who's this?". Clearly having deleted my number.
This made me soo angry. I'm just not sure If I'm angry at myself or if he was just not that into me. Who was the asshole?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
8jNVxXsAljjF1Q8XG91s6Gxie1SotTVN
|
adlhgy
|
{
"description": "telling my friend I can't support her since she's chosen to continue to date an abusive, dangerous asshole",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for telling my friend I can't support her since she's chosen to continue to date an abusive, dangerous asshole?
|
Background:
When I (30F) met my friend (37F), we'll call her Liz, last year, she was married and taking care of her two twin 7 year old boys. Last December (2017) she met a cop, we'll call him Asshole, who kept driving by her house during the day the play with her kids and soon started hitting on her which lead to an affair. Liz and her husband began their divorce proceedings in April, meanwhile Asshole claims he's also getting a divorce. Asshole then becomes insanely controlling and abusive. He made her leave her son's 7th birthday party to see him, he has lied about his divorce countless times, he tells her he loves her then beats her up, he's hit and kicked her dog, he's cut everyone out from her life. One night they got into a fight and he showed up drunk banging on all her doors and windows at her new apartment and refused to leave for HOURS.
Through all of this I have been there for her, offering advice (as best as one can; I, too, have been in an abusive relationship and there's only so much that can be done from the outside) offering to go to the police with her (this is tricky as he's a cop), offering to pay for a new apartment, key change, etc. Two months ago she told me she had finally had enough, she called it quits etc. This lasted all of a week and now she's back with him.
I'm at the point where I just can't take this anymore. I don't know what to do. She messaged me yesterday and told me she loves me and misses me; I told her I love her and miss her too but I can't be around her because I can't be around Asshole. She said she understood but I feel awful.
AITA for not continuing to be there for her? What should I do?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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|
OTHER
|
{
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|
RIGHT
|
p7mySBB9gRerTo4r34xWKcjsjTHwYfFS
|
aux8p2
|
{
"description": "throwing out old food",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA for throwing out old food?
|
Obligatory "I'm on mobile, please forgive the formatting" statement.
So, every friday, my father brings my close family in for dinner to cap off the weekday. He personally cooks the food, and takes great pride in it, which we all appreciate. I live with him, so I mostly have to deal with the aftermath because he refuses to pick up a sponge. Whatever, no big.
So, today (monday, if you're reading from the future,) I saw that we still had the old pan of lasanga out on the counter, uncovered, with only one slice taken out of it (we tend to make a lot, so a significant amount gets wasted,) I deduce that neither my younger brother, younger sister, mother, father, or I would probably eat it at this point, especially since it was placed directly next to the sink, so it could be rife with mold, which most of us have an allergy to. Also, we have a mouse problem, stemming from the very same issue of leaving food out on the counter every week.
So, without another thought, I tossed it to our two dogs to eat. Some stale lasagna wouldn't bother either of them, so why not? Well, as I go to clean up another room, my dad flies into a rage, thinking the dogs had jumped up onto the counter and dragged it down, and starts yelling about how sick he was of the dogs and made them go outside. I wanted to say something, but I really didn't want to become the target of that little shitshow.
We're a decently upper-middle class family, so we don't really have use of leftovers, and we rarely eat them. Nobody after friday had taken another slice, and my father doesn't eat leftovers either.
I think- what the heck? I understand the food was his work, but if he really cared so much about it, why didn't he cover it and put it in the fridge or try and preserve it in some other way? However, on the other hand, I did throw out his work, and that could be hurtful to him. I just don't understand his angle here. Am I being the asshole, or is he being unreasonable?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
ggJX5OMFXmgOvmhZ7nU9WjjU2dhf38xt
|
an4q3f
|
{
"description": "not sharing my pen at the doctor's office",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for not sharing my pen at the doctor’s office?
|
Today I went to the doctor’s office to fill out a repeat prescription form.
The front desk has the usual pamphlets (stop smoking, the dangers of diabetes etc.) laid out and a pen in a stand for patients to use.
I have used this office for a number of years, so I am well aware that the patient pen often disappears from its stand and while I wouldn’t consider myself a germaphobe – something about using a pen that gets touched by hundreds of people every day – most of whom are probably ill, is just not for me.
So I bring my own pen – nothing special about it in particular just one of those silver clicky Parker ballpoints.
The following interaction took place within the span of a 30-45 seconds or so.
As I finish filling out my form a lady comes in and asks the receptionist for her own repeat prescription form - which she is handed and then asks the receptionist if there was a pen she could use.
The receptionist begins to stare at me as I hand in my form and tells me to “give her the pen”… (I should note I was standing in front of the patient pen stand) so I looked at the pen stand, no pen, I checked under the pamphlets and the floor by the desk, no pen.
The receptionist then points her finger at my pen and in a demanding tone says “no, give her that pen”…
Somewhat bewildered, I hear the lady waiting to fill in her form mutter rather sheepishly “c’mon it’s just a pen”.
Something about the entire situation just irked me little.
I understand that the receptionist’s first ‘request’ may have been based on the assumption that I was using the patient pen but the second time? I just can’t see it– when there is a pen it’s one of the clear multi-pack Bic ballpoints, but when the receptionist is looking and pointing directly at my pen – lets be real, the doctor’s office isn’t going to be leaving out stainless steel pens when even the multi-pack ones are getting stolen.
Whilst I wouldn’t have minded the lady using my pen and waiting for her to finish, something about her comment made me wonder, would I then also be expected to wait should another person come up to the desk and need to use my pen?
Now what I did next is why I ask AITA, I pinched my pen between my index finger and thumb raised it up to my face looked the receptionist in the eyes and said in a calm but admittedly firm tone “No, my pen” to which both the receptionist and the lady seemed shocked – not gasp worthy, but clearly offended that I was not willing share my pen. The receptionist gave a little huff and made it obvious that I had inconvenienced her as she began to search for a pen on her side of the desk, at which point I walked out.
​
I know this might seem silly and that I am overthinking this now and at the time, but it’s my pen dammit.
​
So AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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b1wpkr
|
{
"description": "dismantling my treehouse over land disputes",
"pronormative_score": 9,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For dismantling my Treehouse over land disputes?
|
Background:
(This happened when me and my cousin were 14 & 15)
One day me and my cousin had the idea of building a tree house, one problem, we didn't have a tree. The tree on our plot of land was a sickly pine that was nowhere near able to hold 100+ pounds of wood. But, we had a next door neighbor, she was an amazingly kind old woman who'd never had kids. On her plot she had a beautiful oak tree that had to be hundreds of years old. We'd went to her asking to build the tree house, and she'd said yes before we could finish asking. We got lumber from a Home Improvement store and set out that summer to build our fort. Once it was finished we felt so happy and we played in it until school started again.
Here's where the issues arise:
Later that year the woman died of natural causes and her daughter put her home up for sale. Luckily, the daughter had put a note with the lease asking that the new owners let us have our tree house. May of that year a family moved in, an older couple with two sons. We'd had no issues until that summer, we went over to our tree house to see the two boys up there painting the walls. We went up, thanked them for painting for us only to be met with:
"Painting for you? This is our tree house now, we moved in so you can't have it."
We'd tried to explain that it was us who built it so we should share it at least but they wouldn't budge. We felt utterly devastated and helpless. Later that summer, the family announced that they'd be going on a vacation and wouldn't be back for 3 weeks. Me and my cousin set out to get revenge. Day by day we dismantled the tree house and stashed the lumber in our shed until nothing was left but some nails we couldn't retrieve from the branches. As you can imagine, the boys came over livid but my parents sided with us and nothing more came of the situation.
Are we the assholes?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
{
"description": "asking my girlfriend for the \"whole\" present for my 30. birthday instead of just a description",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for asking my girlfriend for the "whole" present for my 30. Birthday instead of just a description?
|
This happened a few Minutes ago, so I'm still upset, sorry for any spelling mistakes, english also isn't my first language.
I just became 30., its around 00.30 where I live. My girlfriend came over and startet cute singing at 00.00 and gratulated me. After some Time of hugging, she startet to explain that something didn't work ihr with my present but she could tell me what it is. I thought maybe its late per Post or Not finished or whatever. I Was in no way disappointed and just asked her to give it to me when it's ready.
This is where she startet crying and telling me i'm ungrateful. That she never had experienced someone dismissing her present. Now she is mad at me and won't Talk to me.
Was it really that Bad to Expect a ready present instead of first hearing what it is? Or maybe a Card, a written descrition of something unmaterislistic? Thank you for your answers!
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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{
"description": "being resentful of my BF",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for being resentful of my BF?
|
For background, my BF and I live with my grandparents, mom, and my little bro. I work full time and he recently started working full time as well.
About a month ago I had my wisdom teeth extracted and I got a really bad cold at the same time. I felt like I was completely out of commission for about 10 days. I slept most of the time and took care of myself (cooking, eating, etc..) which can be difficult enough when you’re just sick. Anyway, about 4 days into getting sick and wisdom teeth extracted I went back to work still feeling like I was dying as well as still doing all the adult stuff like feeding myself, getting groceries, laundry, etc...
The whole time I was sick my mom made comments that made it seem as if she didn’t believe that I was sick.
Now, my BF has gotten sick with something similar to what I had and my family can’t stop commenting how much of a hard worker he is, how responsible he is, poor him, blah blah...
AITA for resenting my boyfriend?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 2,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
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afztwg
|
{
"description": "getting upset with my wife for wanting to cut our vacation short",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for getting upset with my wife for wanting to cut our vacation short.
|
I planned a trip to a Caribbean island for my wife and 4 year old. Organized and booked the whole thing (checking with my wife to make sure she was ok with it). Flights, car rentals, VRBO, etc.
3 days into the trip I came down with what ended up being diagnosed some sort of virus when I got home. I was down and out for 1.5 days. No energy, appetite, low grade fever. Basically I had to sleep a bunch for 1.5 days.
On the second day of me being sick my wife asks me to look into getting us early flights home because it was "no fun being there when I was sick". She also decided then would be a good time to discuss future vacations and how we shouldn't go on week long vacation anymore.
I was annoyed. I planned this whole trip and it just seemed really unappreciative. From my perspective I was the one that was sick. And didn't plan on getting sick. I wasn't asking anything of her except to let me sleep it off. Trying to switch our flights would mean missing out on the rest of the vacation when I was felling better (which happened) and meant spending more money.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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aomkw9
|
{
"description": "getting a nose ring",
"pronormative_score": 20,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for getting a nose ring
|
My parents absolutely adore and support everything I do, and I cant thank them enough, except for me getting a nose ring.
I am a 20 year old Male college student studying to become a music teacher. The place I work at finally allows piercings so I said fuck it and went out and got a nose ring. Everyone in my school loves it and I think it looks great.
When I told my parents they flipped out. So much that they took 80 dollars out of my savings without talking to me because last week they gave me 80 bucks for groceries and I used it on the piercing. I absoutly did not use their money, I actually had 60 dollars in cash that I've saved up to pay for the piercing.
They told me as long as I have the ring on my face they do not want to see me, and at the start of next month the top music group is having our concert and it took me 6 semesters to be in it so I am very proud of my accomplishments and would like my parents to be here for me. They will most likely not.
I should add that the first time we talked about it and they said that they didnt want to see me, I cursed them out. Hard. Which is a part of why they are mad and I can understand that part but I am more upset about them not wanting to see me
I talked to my dad today and he said a lot of things but it boils down to me looking unprofessional, recklessly spending money( but they dont bat an eye when I buy 60 dollar video games which is a few dollars more than this piercing) and I tried to convince him that after a while I can take it out as a please and honestly in the next few years I'll just let the hole close since I'm becoming a teacher but for the time being I want to keep it.
AITA for getting a nose ring?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
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{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
aifr3w
|
{
"description": "getting with my boyfriends best friend",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA I got with my boyfriends best friend
|
Ok, let me break this down... this is a long one sorry ...
I was with my former boyfriend, lets call him A for two years. The last year of those two years we were long distance (he dropped out of university and moved home) and his family weren't too keen on the whole long distance thing. By the end we were seeing each other 1 day a month.
During our relationship he lied, stole money from me, always victimised himself, cheated on me ... when I called him out on it, his answer was 'I'm a 21 year old boy. If another girl gives me attention, I cant help it'
I should of seen the warning signs ! But I'm kind of old fashioned and i like the idea of working at and fixing relationships when they go wrong.
So I was leaving University and our plan was for me to move up to live with him. It had got to 6 weeks before I was moving up. I saw him on the weekend and left on the Sunday... and on the Monday he calls to break up with me, saying things didnt feel the same.
This was devastating as suddenly I had no future stability ! It was strange but after being sad for 3 days, I realised I had gotten over him.
Cue 6 months later where I have fallen in love with B (his best friend). We would hang out a lot as best friends during mine and A's relationship cos we lived close and there was never a single sexual intent.
It hit me like a ten tonne truck when, after I became single and A broke up with me, that all these feelings would rush into me regarding B. We would continue hanging out as friends and my crush for B would grow and grow. Like the most organic love that I have ever felt.
So me and B fell deeper and deeper in love (honestly 4 years later and he is still the perfect man) and decided to be in a relationship.
So B had to ring A and explain what had happened. Obviously A did not take it well at all. I was travelling at the time and didnt get the full scoop... and didnt want to pry.
So a year later I contacted A saying things about extending an olive branch, and him telling me he went to therapy over the whole thing. And friendship between him and B was beyond repairing.
Fast forward another year, A keeps sending me this cryptic messages at 3am and 4am that dont make much sense. About him being unhappy. He asked me next time I'd be in London so he could talk about his life and stuff and I replied 'but I thought you didnt like me much ?? And he replied 'yea maybe I dont.' And then said he broke up with his current gf and I said 'ouch :(' and he snapped 'I dont need sympathy from you.'
He even tried to call me twice but I didnt pick up.
I ended all these messages by telling him harshly to leave me alone and delete my number and let me live my life.
I mentioned it to a friend the other week and she laughed said I really screwed A over.
But from time to time I still think back and wish things ended differently...
Am I the asshole ???
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
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RIGHT
|
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|
acwimp
|
{
"description": "getting mad at my girlfriend for removing me off her Insta",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
AITA for getting mad at my girlfriend for removing me off her Insta
|
This is a Repost as my first post was labeled INFO.
So I'm in a relatively new relationship. We've been dating for about 3 months. A few weeks ago, I was added to her Instagram bio and I was posted to her account. She did this out of her own volition. I didn't ask for this but it made me happy I guess. At least seeing me on her profile would be somewhat of a deterrent for creeps.
However, the other day I find out that the pictures and the bio thing aren't there. I ask her and she says that her mum made her delete it because they don't want people know G were dating. I get a bit mad at this but she 'justifies' her actions by saying that her cousin had her fiance on her Instagram and 2 weeks before the wedding they called it off.
Now hear me out, in my country people take social image as a big thing. Especially in small communities of the same race (families/family friends etc).
So my thing is that I would've been okay if she just let me know in advance instead of letting me find out the way I did.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
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AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
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|
ax39h8
|
{
"description": "wanting my roommate's gf to leave our apartment",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting my roommate’s GF to leave our apartment
|
My roommate and I have been living together for the past few months. I’ve been friends him for a few years now and he’s a great dude, very relaxed and easy-going which is part of the reason I decided to find a place with him. Another part of moving in with him is we have different work schedules, which would allow us to have privacy and alone-time in our apartment.
Prior to moving in with him his girlfriend asked if she would be allowed to come over. I said of course she was welcome to come over and spend time with him, but I was clear that I wasn’t comfortable moving in with another couple full-time, which she said she understood and seemed okay with. Shortly after moving in I noticed that she was constantly here, which I thought was due to helping him move and settle in. But after the first week I noticed she was still over constantly. I talked to my roommate about this and that I wasn’t comfortable with her being over when he wasn’t here. He said he understood and talked to her about this, which she become upset about because ‘she had moved most of her stuff here now’ (no clue why she did that). But for a short period she was over here less.
Over the past few of months she has started saying over here more and more, particularly during the day when my roommate is at work (she spends all day in his room and doesn’t really leave, which I also think is weird as shit). Due to my work roster most of my shifts are during the afternoons and evenings, so the day time is when I get to chill out at home. I’m someone who values my privacy and alone time and knowing there’s constantly in my apartment who I didn’t agree to move in with unnerves me.
I talked to my roommate about this today and he said he’d have a talk to her, but I feel guilty about causing him any stress or tension over this. A big part of the reason I agreed to live with him is because we would each get our privacy and time to have the place to ourselves, but it doesn’t really feel like I’ve gotten this.
|
HISTORICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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RIGHT
|
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|
9uwxse
|
{
"description": "kidnapping my neighbors cat for almost killing my two cats",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 13
}
|
AITA for kidnapping my neighbors cat for almost killing my two cats?
|
Title might make me a little bit of an asshole without any context to the story, but here it is.
​
This happened a good 5 years ago, when i made this account actually and I'm guessing it's going to be my throwaway from now on. However, i think about this from time to time and wonder if i was the asshole in this situation.
​
My family's cat is an outdoor cat and has been living peacefully, albeit a few skirmishes with the cat across the street now and then, in the neighborhood for as long as i can remember. Our new neighbors had just moved in from the countryside and brought with them their own cat which is a pretty big cat, slightly bigger than mine, but much younger and more territorial. At first, it was okay and thought it would be another situation with the other cat across the street, but it turned much worse than i could have imagined. My cat is old and has been through some stuff, a stitched up stomach due to it being cut open after him being stuck under a fence and an almost lost ear from his glory days along with other small tweaks but still has some fight in him. After a few weeks, i start hearing cat fights almost nightly and i would go out and pick up my cat and clear up the fights since i was a light sleeper and my family doesn't hear it that often. I lost sleep but whatever, cats gotta cat. However, one night, there was a louder than normal cat fight and i could hear my cat moaning very distinctly. i rush out and he's on the ground with the other cat circling him and runs off once i rush at him and i take my cat back inside. There's blood all around my cat's stomach and my cat doesn't look good so i do my best to patch him up and my dad takes him in the first thing in the morning to the vet for emergency and he's all stitched up but he's pretty weak when he returns so we keep him inside. The other cat got more and more confident and would stalk outside my house and patio and would get in a face-off with my cat through the windows. We started limiting my cat's outside hours for when we're home and shut him in when it's night. The other cat gets wise to this and sneaks in through my kitty door even when we're home or when the person watching the house runs off for errands and they to get in catfights indoors, whilst scratching up our floors and furniture and eating his food. One night I forgot to close it up and again, another ensuring catfight inside my house, and my cat is hurt badly again. At that moment I suggested to my dad we take the cat and move him away. He agrees, and throughout the week, we tried to lure the cat into our house and finally got him. We took the cat to an affluent neighborhood and let him loose. Few days later, little girl comes to our door and asks if we've seen their cat lately and we say no. That cat cost us thousands in vet bills and I switch from feeling like an asshole to being justified in the decision even today.
​
TLDR; Neighborhood cat is way territorial and my cat can't compete. Try to change him to an mostly indoor cat but other cat comes in multiple times and catfights ensnare and damage is done to my cat which equals up to a pretty penny. Kidnap the cat and let him loose in another neighborhood.
​
|
HISTORICAL
|
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
rzCAmumwH42ROvezVN5vPBudVgfHP2dp
|
atlc1k
|
{
"description": "hating my sister",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for hating my sister?
|
So trough most of my life my sister got lots more attention from my parents than me. I have worked for my grades finishing primary and secondary school at the top of my class(while getting bullied for existing and literally spat on in class). My sister was always got bad grades and was mean to me. One time when i was younger she was calling me names and i hit her. When my mom got home she beat me for it. To be honest, i love my parents but I cant really care about her at all. She is 8 months pregnant and in the hospital now. She moved out last November, but my parents still go over, help her out, get her and her fiancée things. Most of the time i get home late but my parents don't really help me out aside from mostly studying for 10 minutes. I appreciate it, since it is more than dad has ever helped my with it after moving home from abroad after 10 years(he came home for 2 days a month).
I got jealous of her. Is it justified?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 1,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
b30bd4
|
{
"description": "pushing someone away who was trying to help me",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 12
}
|
AITA for pushing someone away who was trying to help me?
|
I know the answer is probably going to be YTA.
So, I’m a 19 year old guy and I’ve had a difficult couple of years due to lots of anger problems and lashing out and shit. I’ve lost a lot of people due to the consequences of this.
Anyway, somebody was really trying to help me get past this and change the bad parts of myself, so that I wouldn’t get into trouble again. But today I did what I always do and fucked it up. I accused her of treating me like a personal pet project and of trying to ‘fix’ me. It was really unkind what I said cuz she’s actually taken time out of her life to give me good advice. In fact she actually saved me from a very sticky situation at the weekend.
So, yeah, AITA for pushing someone away who was *genuinely* trying to help me?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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|
WRONG
|
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|
ay4meu
|
{
"description": "joining the military against my parents wishes",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
WIBTA if I joined the military against my parents wishes
|
Sorry for formatting I’m doing this on mobile. I want to give everyone a full background as to what’s going on so they can get the fairest view on this as possible.
This starts in August of last year when I (16m) am on summer break. My parents decide to take away both my brother and my owns phones away for the rest of the summer because he thought we were wasting our summer because we weren’t hanging out with that many people as well as behavioral issues. My dad also told me I would have to go to therapy to improve my behavior because I was being disrespectful to my parents and I willingly went because if they think my behavior was that bad I wanted to change that. Flash forward to about two weeks ago my dad is in the car with me and we are talking and he is saying that my behavior hasn’t improved at all even though in the prior months he and my mother say that I have “made big steps”. He says that he plans on going to family therapy with me and my mom and he threatened that if that didn’t work he force me to join the military. Unfortunately this didn’t go the way he expected.
I started doing research into the military and all of the benefits especially college and I always had an interest in serving and it actually looked like something really interesting to do in between hs and college. Now to preface this my Dad was a mean and misbehaved a lot as a child and was sent to military school to fix his behavior (I don’t think it really did) and because of this he ended up taking a break in between college and high school but never went back. So last week I told my dad I was interested I joining the military on a three year active duty contract with five years as an inactive reserve as long as it’s before going to college so I can qualify for the GI Bill, mature, and because I would really prefer to focus on school. He said that the only way he would let me join was if I went to college first and enrolled as an officer which is a six year active duty contract with four years in active that I would serve when I am I college. He also said he worked to hard to let a 17 year old make this decision. I understand he worked hard but I feel like he has no right to say that to me. My dad has always said he would pay for my brother and my college but I didn’t want to feel like I owed him something so I want to pay my own way because of the way he holds things he does over other people. This has been a really big issue for my family and I don’t want it to cause any more issues, so WIBTA if I joined the military right after high school.
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
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OTHER
|
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|
RIGHT
|
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|
aevy7q
|
{
"description": "wanting to eat cake",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for wanting to eat cake?
|
So, there's this shop that sells delicious, delicious cake, and earlier I bought one, thinking I would share it with my flatmates.
Thing is...none of them are here right now. I could eat the whole cake and they would not even know about it. Would I be an asshole if I did?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
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|
a6xi27
|
{
"description": "being upset with my boyfriend because he didn't talk to his friend about the friend's inappropriate behavior",
"pronormative_score": 6,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being upset with my boyfriend because he didn’t talk to his friend about the friend’s inappropriate behavior?
|
I sent out a group message on Facebook to have my boyfriends - let’s call him Frank - and my friends to meet us at his favorite bar for his birthday. He didn’t know I was inviting anyone and thought it was just him and I going out for a few drinks to celebrate.
He is surprised and everyone is having fun, about an hour after being there one of his oldest friends shows up, I really like this friend of his and his wife and sweet kiddos. Let’s call him Brian. All of us are drinking and having a good time, Brian brought along his parents because Frank looks at him as his second parents and they like to have a drink once in awhile. Brian’s dad buys us a round of shots and Brian is already kind of drunk by this point. Everyone’s talking and doing their own thing and Brian walks by and smacks my butt then drunkenly says “I’m so sorry, so so sorry. Don’t tell Frank, that wasn’t cool”. I kind of shake it off because I know people can act stupidly while drinking. Everyone else was busy socializing with one another and didn’t notice. That is incident #1.
A drink or two later we decide it’s time to sing happy birthday because Brian’s parents are getting tired and are going to leave and we want them to take part. The group of us all get together and sing happy birthday and then Brian wipes frosting on my face. I shake it off because it wasn’t much frosting and he was just being goofy. Then he proceeds to wipe a whole cupcakes worth of frosting on my nose, mouth and chin. Smashes it on my face. I’m a little irritated at this point but kind of cover my face and go to the restroom to wipe it off. I don’t say anything because I’ve had a few drinks myself and figure I’m being too sensitive. That’s incident #2.
While our group of friends is kind of scattered but in a general area, I finish up a conversation with a few of our friends and migrate over to my boyfriend and Brian to see how Frank is doing. Brian grabs us into a group hug and was telling me to make sure Frank has a good birthday Monday (his actual birthday) because he’s his oldest friend and some other drunken rambles. During this hug I feel a hand wander to my bra hook (on top of my shirt) on my back and feel my bra start to unclasp. I have 4 clips on the back so it isn’t the easiest and I felt the hand trying pretty hard during this group hug, it was halfway undone by the time it was over. Frank knows I’m modest and would never embarrass me by unhooking my bra in a public place. I confirmed this by asking him on the ride home and the next morning. That was incident #3. It made me feel really uncomfortable and dirty. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want to ruin Frank’s birthday get together.
Before the end of the night Brian hugs me and inhales and says “mmm you smell like” pauses for a second and then says “crazy”. That’s incident #4. It just seemed rude and totally unwarranted.
At the end of the night we said our goodbyes and Brian needed a ride home. I drove him home with Frank and we discovered he was locked out of his house and kept saying he would stay outside it was no big deal. I insisted no, it was cold, we were staying until we got him inside. I called his wife who I consider a friend (we aren’t very close but still a friend nonetheless) and asked her to unlock the door and apologized profusely for his level of drunkenness. When Brian realized I called his wife he pointed to me and said “you, go” and pointed to my car. He said to Frank “you’re good” but pointed to me again “you go, you called my wife”. I stepped away and we waited till she came downstairs to let him in.
The next morning I explained to Frank what happened. If it had just been one incident of drunk stupidity, I probably would’ve shaken it off like it wasn’t a big deal. I used to work at a bar, I know people can act extremely different when drunk. I couldn’t shake how badly Brian made me feel multiple times. I told Frank I didn’t want to be around Brian when he has been drinking ever again. That I spent half of the night feeling badly and dirty, like I was in the wrong. I held back tears a lot of the night and my patience started wearing very thin. He kind of shrugged it off. I spoke to my girl friend about what happened, she was there but again I didn’t tell anyone since I didn’t want to ruin the night. She said that Frank should talk to Brian and tell him he owes me an apology. I kind of agree but didn’t have the guts to tell him. I told Frank I agreed with my friend. He hasn’t talked to him and I’m kind of hurt. I don’t want to come between Frank and Brian as they are old middle school friends (they’re both in their early 30’s now) and I would never give Frank an ultimatum to pick one of us. I just feel like the issues need to be addressed so Brian knows that this kind of behavior isn’t going to fly, inebriated or not. AITA for being upset with my boyfriend? AITA for being upset with his friend?
TLDR: My boyfriend’s friend did quite a few degrading and embarrassing things to me while drunk at my boyfriend’s birthday gathering. My boyfriend hasn’t said anything to him. AITA for being upset with them both?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
9ajDIwQxIoYOVs3emJGpfBEewxisPS0D
|
aw6sf2
|
{
"description": "not defending a guy that was going to/being beaten up on the streets",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA For not defending a guy that was going to/being beaten up on the streets?
|
A bit of context: As a hobby Iam a sport fencer, that means I get to stab people with non-stabby swords for fun. I chose this sport mainly because to "fence" means to defend yourself or other people, and I always stood up for helping others. This is why iam having a small breakdown.
I Droped my brother with one of his friends downtown, and then I drove for a while trying to get out of the horrendous trafic trap that is the city center.
Then, I saw a group of people (around 5, couldn't count cuz I wasnt paying to much attention to them) suddenly dropping a really bad punch to another guys face, I stopped my car for 5 solid seconds and I was paralyzed, I didnt knew what to do.
From one hand, i have my non-stabby eppè on the trunk of my car and could technically had done something to help him. But, if I had done that ( I was still in downtown) I would had created tons of trafic for my decision. Though, after the first punch was thrown a lot of people went to stop the attack and I decided to get out of there.
Did I do wrong?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
51VxxNrDxFCxW9d8zsWEI970BozQwlhP
|
9tp0rd
|
{
"description": "dismissing guy in my class",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for dismissing guy in my class?
|
AITA. So a guy in my class (community college) immediately attached himself to me. I was a bit surprised but open to making a new friend. However during that first class he talked constantly and made Some slightly rude comments about the teacher so I decided to sit elsewhere in the future. When he saw that I didn’t sit next to him he moved his things to be near me. This happened several times.
After only knowing him for about 4 days he made ‘jokes’ about torture and how it’s always the people who seem nice that turn out to be violent. This multiplied my discomfort. I now sit at a full table closest to the professor and he still comes to talk to me almost every day and thankfully hasn’t said anything else about violence since. I always answer when he talks to me but don’t really encourage further conversation.
After some more observation I realized that he most likely has some form of autism and can’t really help his bad social interactions. Part of me feels bad like I should try to engage more because no one else in class talks to him and he has kind of chosen me to be his friend . And the other part of me (most of me) just really wants to get away.
AITA for dismissing someone who probably just really wants friends?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 14,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
D4YVz077KjgW1TmEtMfiQWfCaQhbRg9C
|
atctli
|
{
"description": "always getting mad at my mom",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for always getting mad at my mom?
|
I kind of have a bit of tension between my mom and I, which I think stems from her leaving the house at a young age, making my dad have to take care of us on his own, always arguing with my dad and having an affair before the divorce and just general chaos happening every time she comes to visit the family every six months. She calls me every once in a while and put simply, we're so, in lack of better words, distant with each other that our phone calls are usually about 1min. This doesn't mean that I don't love my mom, but it kind of brings some background on why I usually have low patience for her. I have a tendency to snap at her and create an unnecessary argument about trivial things. I always feel guilty afterwards and I go to apologize to her after I've calmed down, and I'm starting to try and control my temper, but I don't know how justified I am in the situation or if I'm even somewhat justified to begin with.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
XZYHhGuaUWsinMiLmEuc8gg4gjrZBJ0I
|
aokkn2
|
{
"description": "expecting my friend to play in tournaments with me",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 6
}
|
AITA for expecting my friend to play in tournaments with me?
|
For a few years now, I've been playing in co-ed tennis tournaments with a friend of mine; however, since she's gotten a boyfriend, he's been asking her to play in the tournaments and she's been playing with him instead. I'm the one who introduced her to the venue and the tournaments and we've been playing together long before they met. We're about the same skill level so it's not a matter of doing better with him. Now I don't have a partner to play with and having trouble finding someone who I enjoy having as a partner. AITA for expecting that she should still be playing with me and that he shouldn't be asking her knowing that she's played with me for a few years before they met?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 6,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 6
}
|
WRONG
|
oX8GpYRi9kAcr6hreyif4jVnWusDEsjS
|
9y3ser
|
{
"description": "stealing money from my Father in Laws wallet",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for stealing money from my Father in Laws wallet?
|
3 years ago, I loaned my father in law $100. He said he would pay me back and never did. I brought it up a couple times and he said he was still “working on it.”
To this day, he hasn’t offered to pay me.
The other night we were visiting with him and he left the room with his wallet laid on the table. I immediately opened it up and took out some cash which totaled $87.00. I stuck it in my pocket.
I kind of felt bad because he’s on a tight budget, but he owed me money and never paid it so I just decided to take it.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 10,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
GjNKtKcpN6yxzdH4DRfd8JIckSM1jtr7
|
a7ioxo
|
{
"description": "texting my boss about my bad coworkers",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for texting my boss about my bad coworkers?
|
I want to keep this short and sweet, but if it seems I need to add more I will.
I’m an assistant karate teacher and my bosses are out of town for the week. Me and the other assistants are running all the classes. The past two days two of my coworkers have been coming in late, complaining about how much they hate the job, and sometimes doing literally nothing despite many kids needing help.
I texted my boss asking her what to do. I don’t want to seem bossy or bitchy and tell my coworkers what to do, but I asked them Monday to please pull their weight. I just don’t want to go through the rest of the week with them being like this. AITA for snitching?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
UOqMEWGOdVZmVtHKPbl0dT84Kjw0ACYD
|
b18wyb
|
{
"description": "keeping my warm-up as a trophy",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 4
}
|
WIBTA if I keep my warm-up as a trophy?
|
For people who don't know, a warm up is a waterproof jacket like [this](https://www.swimoutlet.com/warm-ups-c13570/) that competitive swimmers wear during swim meets to keep from getting cold. When my swim team was participating in the league meet, my coach required that everyone wear warm ups branded with the team's name and our school.
However, I didn't buy a warm up, so I had to borrow an old crappy one from the school. During our last meet, the coach was pissed that the team didn't make enough of an effort, and decided to withhold a gym credit (that is needed to graduate) from everyone who didn't wear a black speedo for leagues. However, I'm a bit of a loner on the team, and I didn't get the information. That's fine, I have skin conditions and asthma, which I can use to waiver the credit.
Obviously I was pissed. I'm not a talented swimmer, so I faced bullying from the varsity squad (I'm in JV) during the course of the year. We also had to wake up at 5 every morning in order to practice in the freezing cold water. By not giving me the credit, the coach had just invalidated 4 months of hard work on my part. Also, my parents have been forcing to me to swim since I was 5. They've promised that they'll stop forcing me to swim after this year. I've hated it for as long as I can remember, and this year I was ready to close the book on swim. I want to keep it to congratulate myself on how far I've made it and the adversity I've overcome.
The warm up I borrowed was of an older design that the school has since replaced. It's also old and itchy. The school probably doesn't need it. I'm planning to tear it to shreds and then frame it. It'll be my vengeance both on swim and the assholes I had to share it with.
AITA?
​
|
HYPOTHETICAL
|
{
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"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
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}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
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}
|
WRONG
|
ElfMfTvevdVEHlGZdVc49pmv3ffLaRnR
|
as07n6
|
{
"description": "questioning where an Instagram page gets their content from",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for questioning where an Instagram page gets their content from?
|
I follow a few retro Instagram pages where people will post old ads, commercials, VHS tapes, etc of old retro style nostalgic things.
I also follow the Nostalgia page on Reddit where a popular post in the last week has been a picture of the green basket strawberries used to come in.
On the Instagram page someone posts of picture of the basket a day later after it had been popular on Reddit and for some reason this irk'ed me a bit. So I commented "So you just post here what was on Reddit a day ago?".
At first their reply made me feel as if they were taking it in stride because they replied "Sometimes" with a smiley face. Then a few hours later I wake up to this small group of people commenting and coming to this persons aid as if I had really maligned them on the internet. The person who runs the page had this long explanation how they don't make money from this and it's just for fun and again a lot of people replying to me as if I was trolling on purpose.
I think the closest I did to trolling that day was someone replied to me with the axiom "If you don't have anything kind to say don't say anything at all" and I replied "That's dumb".
So am I the asshole here?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
aDtH58jZ0h6LUyw5UgUnXj5QPXeSzkea
|
axkvn1
|
{
"description": "upsetting with my fiance for selling her house and sharing the money with her siblings",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 41
}
|
AITA for upsetting with my fiance for selling her house and sharing the money with her siblings
|
Her mother passed away recently and in the will, she clearly states that my fiance alone will get her whole house while her other children only get a small amount of money each. This is because when she was sick about one year ago, only my fiance stayed and took care of her while her other children only visit her once in a while. Now, my fiance's sibling pestered her to sell the house and split it equally for everyone (included my wife) because it's "the right thing to do". They said she is going to marry to me and will move to my house soon so it's not like she needs her house anyway. I should also note that they are living in their mom's house (which is now my fiance's house) for free and never moved away. It's a big house with 5 bedrooms. They are all adult, the youngest is currently studying in college.
​
The thing is my fiance totally agreed with them. She told me her plan to sell the house and I was angry upon hearing her plan. The discussion turned into an argument, harsh words started flying out (mostly from me) and she told me I would never understand the bond between her and her siblings as I am the only child and that I am too cold blood. Well, my plan was for her to move to my house and we would rent out her house and kick all of her siblings out of the house unless they can pay the rent. Yes, I dont want my fiance to take care these freeloaders anymore. They are all adult, they have some money from their mom so they should take care of themselves. We didnt talk for one day. I kept calling but she didnt answer. The only time she picked up the phone, it's actually her sister and she told me my fiance is furious with me because I am a cold blood asshole who only thinks of myself and doesnt care about the others feeling.
​
Honestly, I dont think I am AITA. But I will ask away, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 38,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 3,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 41
}
|
WRONG
|
6IwmRJh1u9G7YcWPfexGycVJT0RF31xv
|
aro9g0
|
{
"description": "saying no to my housemate when he asked me to wash up the saucepan that he made pasta in, because he let me eat some of it",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for saying no to my housemate when he asked me to wash up the saucepan that he made pasta in, because he let me eat some of it?
|
So this is a pretty simple one I suppose, petty as it is.
I come home and my housemate tells me I can have the rest of this pasta dish he's made. There's only a very small amount remaining; the size of the pan suggests to me that he's made a lot. I thank him and proceed to finish off most of it, but I still leave a bit.
Later on, he asks me to clean his pan because I had the last remaining morsel of food in it. I didn't know this was part of the deal, so I say no.
If roles were reversed, I certainly wouldn't have held it to him to wash up my dish because he ate something like 5% of a meal I'd made. If it were me, I would have just let it go and washed my own dish, because I'd have made the food.
There's also a small bit of context I'd like to add for some perspective on this: I often find this housemate fairly untrustworthy. He steals others' food, constantly takes liberties and blags favours, and often it seems like he takes minor pride in being manipulative in small, petty ways. He has boasted about his food theft before, so for that reason I don't want to be nice to him.
Is this a bias that is affecting my outlook on this particular situation, or is it really warranted that I should wash up a pan because he's given me some free food?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
jZzw51RFGmLWNIAehMIMgaZtDuZgpjXp
|
ariatb
|
{
"description": "jokingly referring to myself as my boyfriend's \"Lolita?\"",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 10
}
|
AITA for jokingly referring to myself as my boyfriend’s “Lolita?”
|
For context, there is a little bit of an age gap between me and my boyfriend, and that was the basis for the joke. I am 17 and my boyfriend is 22.
In the past, he seemed fine with jokes made by friends about him being a pedophile for dating me because I look several years younger than I am. Also, it would technically be illegal for us to have sex so it’s not that outlandish of a comment to make.
Anyway I guess I took the joke too far or overused it, because he legitimately got really mad at mad at me after my jokes. I started out by [jokingly] asking him to help me get dressed ‘because I’m so young.’
I thought it went over well, and later that same day he asked me to do some chore that I forget I continued the joke by pouting and [non-seriously] telling him that he shouldn’t expect me to do any chores because ‘I’m practically a toddler.’
Again, maybe I misread his reaction but I also thought this was fine. Yesterday evening however, he legitimately yelled at me after I made the comment that I was ‘like his Lolita that actually appreciated him.’
He was super defensive and told me that that I was incredibly insensitive for making these kinds of jokes. This was the first time that he has ever actually yelled at me, so I’m pretty upset at the moment and am trying to gauge if this was just a misunderstanding or if u am obviously at fault here.
TL;DR: I made repeated jokes about my boyfriend being a pedophile that he seemed fine with, but he got really upset and yelled at me over the last one that I made. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 2,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 10
}
|
WRONG
|
XzIRY6mNK79iqWfLaFaO98vITW7wyP13
|
as2t5k
|
{
"description": "not really helping",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not really helping.
|
I have just got back from a course, so it's time for the some of the other guys on my team to go and do it.
A part of the course is administrative, you have to make a profile and organize your travel in the work system. It's a bit awkward, but decent instructions are provided and when I did it I was able to figure it out by myself.
The next guy to go on this course has just asked me to help him with the forms. I wouldn't mind, but when we went to his computer it was clear he hadn't done a thing by himself. I very politely showed him the email that tells him what to do next and then left him to it. But now I feel bad. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
waBVSSo156jNlB2O2wLNXFrU0QCw0U8a
|
aw8e2s
|
{
"description": "wanting/trying to contact my ex",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA for wanting/trying to contact my ex?
|
About 10 years ago, right after I had gotten married, I got really scared of my life and blew it up. I left my wife and 1 yr old son. I became friends in an online community with a Canadian girl who was supportive and understanding of what I was going through.
She confided in me that her relationship was on the rocks, and in her words "they wouldn't still be together if they weren't just horny" As a stupid 23 yr old, I gave her the best advice that I knew how to give: do what makes you happy. I counseled her through the break-up with her fiancee as she had done with my break-up with my wife. Of course, after this happened, she confessed her feeling for me, and I had my feelings for her, so we decided to get into a relationship.
I soon realized my asshole ways with my wife, and that I really wanted to be there for my son. So I told Canadian that I still had feelings for my wife. So she bought a one way plane ticket to my city. I was shocked and I told her not to come, and that we should remain friends. She was understandably upset, but didn't come.
We remained friends, and I ended up trying to win back my wife. Canadian tried to get back with her fiancee. I got back with my wife, Canadian did not get back with her fiancee. We stayed in contact until life happened and we fell out of touch. A few years later I tried to contact Canadian but her email address had been deleted. I tried to find her on Facebook but she had blocked me. I emailed mutual friends and was told to let the past lie and leave things alone.
So I did. I ended up getting divorced/re-married. Fast-forward a couple of years, and I get a message from a friend saying, "What's Canadian's issue?" She ranted about how Canadian was self-centered and the community is basically a bunch of Canadian's cronies. I hadn't posted to the community Facebook page in many years, but I realized even though I was blocked by Canadian, I was still part of the Facebook group. I suggested that I should start posting again. Friend encouraged this. After 3 posts I was banned. This really stung because I'm not entirely sure why I was banned, other than Canadian apparently hates me now. I migrated to the website where we met, and was subsequently banned from it, even though Canadian wasn't active there anymore. When I asked why, the response was: "It was a community decision and it would be best for me to move on"
I've become obsessed with this situation and ended up online stalking Canadian looking for a way to contact her. I just want to know what happened. I’m confused about what I did to cause such hatred. It could be justified; I firmly believe that each point of view is valid. But whatever the reason, whatever hurt was caused, I'd like to make amends. I'm haunted by the idea that I've caused her life to be miserable. I've managed to track down her physical address, and want to send a letter. Am I the asshole for wanting to do this?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
WRONG
|
5ITVBUVtcLG5ZxQQ3hB4SIM1zbjnQEV5
|
a6sdio
|
{
"description": "knowing about a rape and not reporting it",
"pronormative_score": 0,
"contranormative_score": 5
}
|
AITA for knowing about a rape and not reporting it
|
When I was younger a friend confessed that he had raped someone. He thought of confessing but I talked him out of it. I told him it isn’t worth losing his career over. Then I told him that the general population are scum and that he would destroy his life. The statue of limitations has now passed but I have instructed him to keep a low profile for the time being. I regard what I did as nessecary. I believe in Gods Law (although I have never broken any laws myself) above all. My friend will redeem himself in time.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 5,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 0,
"WRONG": 5
}
|
WRONG
|
e1oUZIB3xQRO13gxsfNua4EO4PTpEf7L
|
aj22ah
|
{
"description": "being upset that my sister gets more opportunities than me",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA For being upset that my sister gets more opportunities than me?
|
Quick background, I'm a 20 y/o white male from a middle class background from UK. When I was growing up my family had very little money but we lived in an expensive area (house was a dump that took years to make decent). A few years ago my mother and father divorced and my mother quickly remarried to a cash rich guy (a childhood friend who'd also just divorced). Now the family is well off with disposable cash.
My parents split just before I decided where to go for 6th form (college) and they made it clear that they wanted me to go to my local state sixth form (free). If I really wanted to I could've gone to the local private one (~£18,000 a year), but the state one was better. They probably would've asked my grandparents for help as money was super tight (I knew this at the time). My mum and dad have always supported me when I go/do something, but I've always taken pride in making my own way and paying for trips myself. For example, whilst at 6th form I spent a month in Bolivia with school. It was ~£4000 and I payed the entire amount myself using money I earned at a summer job. There were chances to do fundraising but I had the money already so didn't participate.
My sister on the other hand (16) has had many opportunities and my perants (and step father) always bank rolls them. She's had many more opportunities than I had even when I went searching for them. This is partly because we're both interested in sciences (me physics and her medicine), and there's many more programs for females than males. She's also been lucky in the groups she's with and where they go. For example, she's in guides. Her guide troop very regularly does trips around the world. She's been to Switzerland, Mexico and is planning on Japan (I think). I was in scouts. We once went caving in Yorkshire. She does a decent amount of fund raising for them, usually raising about half with her troop. The fam then pays for the rest. I've never had a problem with this as she does work towards it.
I've been out of the country for 4+ months so have been very out of touch with the family. I met up with them at Christmas (minus sister who hates France). My mum mentioned that she'd been offered a scholarship to her old boarding school (my mum earned a full scholarship when she was young so I assumed it was the same). This is a quite exclusive girl only boarding school a few hours away from where we live. It's a very good school, and my sister is more academic than me so it made sense to me (as well as my old sixth form having gone down hill after the head teacher changed). So I few days ago I got curious about the school, scholarships etc. and had a look. Turns out the scholarship is for 10% of the price, maximum. That makes it over £26,000 a year with the maximum 10%.
I'm not really sure what to think right now, but mostly I'm upset and angry that my family are willing to send my sister to such an expensive school when I never got the opportunity. I realise that I'm basically being insanely jealous, but right now I've got under £500 in my account and no job for the foreseeable future. I'm currently living in a foreign country to learn a new language (didn't at school and I decided it is an important skill to have) and like I said, I'm out of touch with the family.
From what I understand, my mum, father and grandparents are each paying a third (not sure how accurate this is, but seems legit). She's always been the favourite grandchild and my father's favourite as she's very different to me and my youngest sister (I've 2 BTW). They've always said they have money put aside for each of us to get through university (about £50,000 in the UK, but no idea how much money there is). As I'm not going to uni (apprenticing instead), not sure what's happening there.
So, reddit, I need a second opinion in this.
TLDR; family willing to pay ~£25,000 a year for my sister to go to a private school when I didn't get the chance to. I'm feeling pissed and questioning if I should bring it up.
AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
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"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
WlRC1FCjSN05yqu3hkkii7rWNwiIvY0f
|
a8ho5t
|
{
"description": "wanting to be reminded of my nephews birthday",
"pronormative_score": 29,
"contranormative_score": 30
}
|
AITA for wanting to be reminded of my nephews birthday?
|
My nephew turned six and I didn’t remember his birthday, but neither did any of us. My sister sent a group message to the whole family the day afterwards essentially saying that because we all forgot he went to bed feeling unloved and she’s disappointed in us. Then, she refused to answer any of our calls.
I just feel like instead of letting the day end with him feeling unloved, and then texting us the following day, she could’ve reminded us *on his birthday* and scolded us for needing a reminder. I feel really bad for him. I have had birthdays like that and I do love him and want him to know that.
I haven’t brought that up yet though bc 1.) my sister is not answering calls and 2.) maybe ITA and this is totally my fault. She already has a rocky relationship with us as my parents have had a difficult time accepting she’s gay. Also, my nephew is adopted which may make him feel especially unwelcome and insecure - Im also adopted so I understand
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 17,
"OTHER": 27,
"EVERYBODY": 13,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 29,
"WRONG": 30
}
|
WRONG
|
Tssmkj9CjNWlJ754D7D8Me2roLRvckep
|
b21fhq
|
{
"description": "not wanting to talk to my mom about my dad and his new fíance",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting to talk to my mom about my dad and his new fíance?
|
I’m 21f in university. Less than a year ago, my parents got a divorce after a 25 year long relationship. It definitely effected my relationship with both of my parents. I still love my dad, but we aren’t as close anymore and probably never will be. However, I enjoy really spending time with my dad.
My relationship with my mom, however, has been extremely rocky. She has gotten a lot more girly and emotional, and while I don’t blame her for grieving the divorce, I find that I am easily annoyed by her. My mother is a good person, however she is extremely selfish at times (the biggest reason my dad left). Of course this usually isn’t a problem since I’m at university, however I was at home over the summer and I will be going home next week for spring break.
This is where we have an issue.
My dad got engaged last weekend. I’ve met his new fíance a few times, she’s nice and I’m happy for them. I am still a little sad because my dad doesn’t seem to want to spend one on one time with me, in fact, I haven’t had one on one time with him since the divorce. Overall I am still effected by this and I miss the way my parents used to be. Now my dad doesn’t have time for me and my mom is a completely different person.
So when I go home tomorrow... I know my mom is going to ask me questions about my dad. I know that she’s going to do her best not to say bad stuff about him, which I respect. I will say I don’t want to talk about it, and she will keep pushing and pushing. This has happened many times. Finally I will get extremely irritated with her and she’ll start crying, which she often tends to do to guilt me into doing things.
I just do not want to talk about my father and his relationship at all with her, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
F2RgVeAm4ldiK2QGWPTg3iYi2nwkIzZm
|
b6hubs
|
{
"description": "ending a friendship over how they acted during and after my birthday",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for ending a friendship over how they acted during and after my birthday?
|
I had a friend, was a good guy for the most part and he helped me through some stuff in the past, the only thing was he was lazy or not sober most of the time we would hang out but I didn't mind too much.My birthday was coming up and he offered to use their house so we can drink. I was reluctant because this friend is a slob, I say yes because I don't get to drink very often, but also add we need to clean and he isn't allowed to smoke inside during the party(I have friends who might be uncomfortable). I attempt to clean but I don't know where to put anything he owes, he wasn't being much help so I move all his shit to a desk in the corner. I give him money to go get a bottle of tequila, another friend comes and brings a bottle. We're hanging out in the living room(kinda crammed) then I noticed he pulled his pipe out and started smoking. I yelled "- what the hell did tell you." He goes into the other room with his friend and smoked in there. not many drank, we were left with two barely touched bottles of tequila left. I was a bit bummed about the party, whether people enjoyed it or not, so I and two people cleaned till the trash can was full and left. I left the bottles there and asked my friend if I could have the bottles as a birthday present and if he could hold on to them for a while, he agreed. A week passes and I ask to hang out, he was busy.2 weeks. 3, I asked when the best time to come over and get the bottles would be, he texted back (and I quote)
"oh RIP that's been gone"
"Ok you owe me $40"
"Lmao you can believe that but it doesn't make it true "
"Where did it go? "
"It got drank me and - finished the bottle - brought and I think -* and -* finished the other bottle "
(P.s.* is his roommate and her boyfriend or something)
"So basically what you're telling me is - and I bought two bottles of tequila for MY BIRTHDAY so you and your friends can drink it all even though I told you to just hold on to it? That's a really shitty thing to do."
"if you're going to pretend that -* and -* are my friends then you're deluded. and are we forgetting that the party was at my house? that i then had to clean up after y'all left? or the entire pack of batteries you ended up with? (yes that's petty to mention but batteries r expensive) and the -* and -* thing is legitimately not my fault, they take my shit all the time too"
"First of all you offered 2nd we took care of most of the trash 3rd I didn't know who -* and -* were but I left you in charge of 2 bottles you and - chose to drink the rest of it, and 4th I took literally like 4 batteries. Get them to pay me back then"
We didn't talk for about two weeks, during which I found out during the party he kept farting near or on my friends. When he tried to talk to me he texted me saying
"ghosts n goblins coming to the switch with the release of the online service"
It pissed me off that he just brushed the incident off so I ignored it and never spoke to him again. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
v1i7Pfl1rfV2E9NtYJGFpJfp1R8yCFQz
|
aaaolm
|
{
"description": "being unhappy with how my parents are treating their cat",
"pronormative_score": 10,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for being unhappy with how my parents are treating their cat?
|
Visiting my parents over Christmastime. They have a cat, quite timid and doesn't like most other cats. Over the past few months (not long since I moved away from home) they've been letting in and feeding another cat from a house a few streets away.
Since I've been back our cat has been hiding, skulking about the house when she's in (which is a lot less than was usual) and generally not being herself. So I've been a bit pissed off with this and I've been trying to keep this other cat away.
My parents say this cat never gets in its own house to get fed or sleep, which is bollocks cause this cat is a little fat shit and seems content. Personally I think it gets in houses all over the neighbourhood. Whenever this cat sees mine, it'll run after and, if it gets the chance, actually attack her (which isn't that common for cats to do). So am I in the wrong here?
My folks are acting like I'm the villain here for wanting to keep this little shite as far away as possible.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 9,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 10,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
ghs3TResiF4XlFXSl4rNLNOGltOBT2oq
|
aujuh0
|
{
"description": "letting a friend smoke with me",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 2
}
|
AITA for letting a friend smoke with me?
|
Back story. We've been friends for years and we're the same age. When I met them they were super religious, church twice every week, formal clothes everywhere, super mild mannered. You get the idea. But when they found out that I don't go to church, they stopped going. They saw me wearing "street clothes" everywhere and over time they done the same. Visited while I was drinking and had their first drink with me that day. Slowly started Cussing the more I cussed near them, and even though I actually tried to talk them out of it. They started smoking a week after they saw me (tobacco) , I got a tattoo, now they have one... I know they were super sheltered so I didn't think much of it.
But the other day they started asking me about weed... Convinently I had some on me and offered to share. They agreed but were hesitant since it's still illegal here. I didn't pressure them and said it's not a problem if they change their mind... They didn't and we had a great time but later a mutual friend found out and was livid.
She said that I "ruined and corrupted them" that if I wanted to ruin my own life I could but to keep other friend out of it. That I'm a horrible influence and a bunch of Bible stuff and she never wants me to contact either one of them ever again... So AITA or just dealing with a bitch?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 8,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 8,
"WRONG": 2
}
|
RIGHT
|
yw3yZ7oIpQAbthpkvVNl2nsFTypQq1tx
|
ayv0wx
|
{
"description": "being annoyed at my dad's relationship with my ex step-siblings",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for being annoyed at my dad’s relationship with my ex step-siblings?
|
Context: My parents separated when I was young and was spared from the “angry divorced parent drama”. That said, my dad and I struggled with a healthy relationship when I was younger for I often took a backseat to his girlfriends. After some therapy and the both of us growing up a bit (in different ways) we hit our stride and developed a solid father-daughter relationship.
Then in my mid teens my dad married a woman with 3 kids. We all had serious concerns about the marriage for my ex step mom (J) had no job, no aspirations, etc. Regardless, my dad was happy and so I was I. I had a good relationship with my step siblings and overall things were good. After 10 years J left my dad for someone she was seeing on the side. She remarried immediately after the divorce was finalized.
Now, I recognize we’re in uncharted territory. I’m thrilled that my dad still has a good relationship with 2 of my ex step siblings, but only 1 actively did some work to help maintain our relationship (B). My other step sibling (A) never spoke to me after the divorce but maintains a relationship with my dad. I recognize that B & A mean a lot to him, and I don’t mind him having a relationship with them.
What I do mind is that A seems to be using my dad. He supports A financially for college, often repairs broken items, has driven A to the airport in the early hours (look folks, it’s 2019, we have Uber), and has often served as the point person for when A has needs. A is 30, A is grown. A actively doesn’t no support themself as much as they reasonably should. Also, B & A both have a perfectly fine relationship with their own biological dad, and now they have a new step dad. They offer very little to my dad in terms of support (when he renovated his home they never helped, they never help with his dog, never help watch the house. They never helped him move, sell the old home, etc. nor have they helped when he’s had two minor injuries that required a couple days of recovery).
For clarification, never would I ask my dad to terminate his relationship with B&A. He’s holding on to whatever bits of his old life he can, and if that helps him, that’s ok. I’m wondering if AITA for being annoyed at his relationship with A (and now, by proxy, B).
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
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}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
53kYLdDz4qM2dBf78yrG9KjYR6ehTt1q
|
a95x33
|
{
"description": "making plans to see my nieces and nephews without my brothers permission",
"pronormative_score": 116,
"contranormative_score": 8
}
|
AITA For making plans to see my nieces and nephews without my brothers permission?
|
My brother is a 40-year-old unemployed male who left the mother of his four children for another woman. He has no arrangements to provide for the children, no structured child support, and doesn’t seem have any ambition to work towards a better future for his children.
The mother of his children has made a lot of mistakes in her past, and was ostracized by my family because of those mistakes. My wife and I recently decided that we want to try and spend more time with our nieces and nephews, and to try to improve their lives if we can. To do this, we decided to build a better relationship with the kids mother. As the full-time caregiver for the kids it makes more sense for us to go to her to schedule time to see the kids, but my brother has been adamant that I get his permission before taking the kids out. He even went as far to say that we should not be doing anything to help the mother of his children in any way.
I fully disagree with his reaction, what I’m doing is for the benefit of the children only. Asking me to get his permission serves only as a way for him to limit any benefit the mother would get from me spending time with the kids. For example, we are watching the kids today so that she can work an extra shift at her second job. Her picking up an extra shift will be good for the kids, plus instead of being left home alone they can spend the day having fun with my wife and I.
So, am I the asshole for planning to spend time with my nieces and nephews without asking for my brothers permission?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 8,
"OTHER": 113,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 3
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 116,
"WRONG": 8
}
|
RIGHT
|
Z1kqXoXYqCxcPh3sFxSC6aN0dJbhpWYP
|
b2czio
|
{
"description": "telling my GF I'm not okay with her hiding me and acting single",
"pronormative_score": 14,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for telling my GF I'm not okay with her hiding me and acting single?
|
For some context we started dating twoish years ago, broke up after 8 months because it got really toxic and got back together 5 months after. 8 or so months again after us getting back together I find out, that shes going on dates with her exs behind my back and actively flirting with them. I decide to end it, because I tell her shes blatantly cheating. She denies it, and said that she loves me and what shes doing isn't cheating.
Anyways fast forward to the start of this year we decide to get back together, because she seems a lot more mature and understanding and I'm assuming shes changed for the better. I tell her before we get back together, I need to make sure that she isn't in contact with any of her exs or some guy shes been previously involved with in the past because I don't want to be cheated on again. She hesitates, saying one of the guy she cheated on me with is just a "friend" now and is there for her when she needs help emotionally.
Fast forward to now, we're together. The problem is, she literally doesn't tell \*anyone\* shes with me. She hides me from her friends, family, and etc. I bring this up, and ask her about it. She says that she doesn't want to make it "official" because its too much stress on her. I explain to her that her saying that she doesn't want to make it "official" is nonsense, because we're literally actively dating and exclusive to each other. She agrees that we literally are together, but then says that us "labeling" it would stress her out too much.
Today we're out, and I notice that every time she uses her phone, she faces the other way and hides her phone so I can't see it. I'm all for privacy and what not, but this seems a bit suspicious because I don't know what shes trying to hide from me. I then bring up that I'm not okay with her going out to bars every weekend with a single friend of hers who for the lack of a better word is a thot. This friend convinces her to excessively drink and drive. I let her know that this makes me feel uncomfortable, because when shes drunk at bars and clubs she might do something that she might regret, and also not to mention the fact that they drink and drive.
She then goes on a tangent on how I'm not letting her live her life, and that shes constantly has to change who she is for me, and how no matter what she does she'll never be enough for me because I expect too much from a relationship. She then tells me I'm a piece of shit and to leave her alone, because I don't care about her.
AITA for telling her I'm tired of her hiding me and acting single?
​
\*\*TL;DR: I ask GF who has previously cheated on me, to stop hiding me from her family and friends and to stop going out to clubs and bars and acting like shes single, and shes now telling me I'm a piece of shit who doesn't care for her and wants her to change the way she lives her life.\*\*
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 2,
"OTHER": 13,
"EVERYBODY": 1,
"NOBODY": 1,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 14,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
A2i4Le7dGptFVn9LD2DSLSNJ13biqZ2A
|
a5o9wm
|
{
"description": "giving away a gift I didnt want",
"pronormative_score": 1,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for giving away a gift i didnt want.
|
this was like 7 years ago. i was 16 my mom and a family friend is a music teacher, i start going to his house to play some instruments, i like the flute very much. i was fairly good with the guitar but i didn't like it. i say to me mother that i didn't like the guitar.
next day she buys me a guitar. i absolutely hate the instrument but i force myself to play it even when it hurts my fingers to the point of being sore for days. so i leave it out of frustration and disdain for over a year in a corner of my room.
every time my mother asks me why i dobt play it. i repeat that i dont like it, she seems ro have memory problems, or chooses to NOT remember that i told her that i did not like playing the guitar.
some time later i start noticing the guitar is getting moldy. so i give it to my music teacher to take care of it.
7 years later my mother still likes to make a fuss over it, yelling at me saying i dont appreciate her gift and hard work. no need to gift me something i previously told her i hate.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 1,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
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}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 1,
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}
|
RIGHT
|
bpSjUPY6STon410HXTMuzcO8swF92q2F
|
afry6o
|
{
"description": "paying with Paypal",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for paying with Paypal?
|
The title doesn't describe the situation too well, because I dont know what title would. Anyway to my story.
Two or three years ago I wanted to commission some art for some OC's. An artist contacts me and we start talking about payment and what I wanted. A price is agreed upon and I message him asking if PayPal is what we were using. He sent back that no, we would be using another payment website. I waited a few days to reply, which the two of us had done multiple times, to try and figure out setting up the account for the new site. (I didn't have my banking information at the time, so it was hard to do)
I then get a message saying that he had made a PayPal account that worked and that we could use it to pay. I say okay and pay him 215-220 dollars. Everything is good, I get a rough sketch and told that it will be done in a month.
Not long after, I got a message from him saying that his PayPal won't work and I try to help him. As I'm helping him figure it out, he tells me that he faked the information because he lived in a country that didn't support PayPal. I tell him there's not much I can do, and he gets mad. Tells me that paypal is a shit thing to use. The nll last thing he said was that he'd finish my drawing, but that he would have basically done it for free.
I never got the drawing finished.
To add, no one of the artists in my post history are the one in the story. I've talked to a few others on here and they're great and even have a drawing commissioned right now.
I also am smarter and will pay half, get a progress picture, and then send the rest.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 2,
"INFO": 1
}
|
NOBODY
|
{
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}
|
RIGHT
|
w9hggK6fQUYYBtlctd4rdwSWO5NzPR3V
|
ab9zhy
|
{
"description": "demanding to a time and not settling for a maybe",
"pronormative_score": 4,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for demanding to a time and not settling for a maybe?
|
My friend and I went on a trip and upon returning I was going to stay a few days with my other friend. The first friend was invited, and had been invited for two weeks, but ended up not wanting to stay.
They decided to drive two hours home using my car, under the supposition that they had to come back and do the round trip to pick me up.
I have work on the 2nd, so I want to be back on the first. I offered the friend, who is somewhat of a football fan, to come watch the rose bowl with us on the 1st, and then I would drive us back after the game.
She is saying “maybe” and refusing to lock down plans 24 hours out. AITA for refusing to settle for a maybe (this time, it happens a lot with this friend) and demanding a time that I’m being picked up? I told her she’s not obligated to watch the game with us obviously but she’s obligated to bring my car back to me.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 4,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 4,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
QClsfCRI2TFZXSEkaMN8ytlNUNbnP6Cj
|
azki9g
|
{
"description": "thinking that my sister might not actually be gay",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 9
}
|
AITA For thinking that my sister might not actually be gay?
|
I think she might just be trying to fit in with a group that she might not belong in... She only started to identify as bisexual after spending a couple months on tumblr. After dating a boy, and realizing she wasn’t attracted to him she started to identify as gay. AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 9,
"OTHER": 0,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 3,
"INFO": 0
}
|
AUTHOR
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 9
}
|
WRONG
|
wPc6QIKZdeF0MzTWyy36fpN97d4tZuM4
|
am6pot
|
{
"description": "not letting my girlfriend do what she wants",
"pronormative_score": 18,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not letting my girlfriend do what she wants?
|
I have no idea if this is the correct reddit for this, so if there are any issues, I’m happy to take this down.
I feel like before I jump into the main event, I should give some background. I’ve been with my girlfriend for just over a year now, and she is my first ever girlfriend. All that to say I have very very little experience with relationships in general, and even less experience with what is considered “the norm” when it comes to how to act in one.
I do my best to be very accommodating to her needs, and frequently do things to make her happy, despite those things not being what I would normally enjoy. (E.g. going out recreational shopping, watching tv I wouldn’t normally, etc...) all relatively small stuff to be fair.
Now, on to the real meat. There have been times recently where she will want to do something to me, which makes me uncomfortable. Now these aren’t huge things, generally they’re very small and temporary, and always cosmetic in nature, but the thought of them makes me massively uncomfortable. Some examples of these things include: a makeover, combing my eyebrows/plucking them, and letting her shave part of my legs. Again, these things are very minor in the grand scheme, being temporary and cosmetic in nature, but they make me very uncomfortable.
Currently I’m following the philosophy of, “if I feel uncomfortable about it, then I don’t have to do it.” But, whenever I refuse to let her do what she wants to me, she will get mad at me and stop talking to me completely until she calms down (Which can take quite some time). I tried telling her that I think I shouldn’t have to let her do things to me if I’m uncomfortable, but her response is (and this is a gentle paraphrase) “you should just push through even if you’re uncomfortable, just to make me happy.”
So I ask: AITA for not letting her do what she wants to me because it makes me uncomfortable?
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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RmLJtdXNKOWbAxtLvSnSyWtZDT89i323
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aft4b5
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{
"description": "buying expensive stuff in front of my poor roommates",
"pronormative_score": 4,
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|
AITA for buying expensive stuff in front of my poor roommates?
|
I will start this off by saying I'm in no way rich myself. I don't own iPhones and Airpods, I dont own a car etc. I'm a normal college student with an above average weekly budget. My roommates on the other hand have a lot less money per week than me, and because of that they constantly call me an idiot for wasting my money on dumb expensive stuff to the point where I can't even purchase a pringles can without them complaining.
At first I played along, made jokes about buying em and throwing em in the trash just to piss em off, but now I'm starting to get frustrated myself. Whenever I even think about buying something that costs more than 2-3 dollars they call me out and say that I'm just doing it to brag. I'm not. I'm used to buying expensive stuff with my sister on the daily, so whenever I see a slightly more expensive product I like I don't mind just buying it randomly just to try it out. It's even gotten to the point where I allow em to think they tricked me when calculating how much we paid for items (they think I don't realize I paid 70% of the price and that I'm just bad at counting money when in fact I just don't care enough to tell em to give me my money back).
So, Am I The Asshole for not caring about them and wasting my money in front of them? I already bought em tons of beer and other stuff whenever I could, but they still complain whenever I buy literally anything nowadays.
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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kKSaw8ge57Z1Sb66io0ThIn039pgkKDw
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ashvw0
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{
"description": "not wanting to move to my husband's hometown after his dad passed away",
"pronormative_score": 15,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for not wanting to move to my husband's hometown after his dad passed away?
|
We've lived away from his family our entire relationship, to varying degrees. The closest we've ever lived was a 2 hour flight. Generally, we were about a non-direct 4-7 hour flight away. However, about a year ago, due to a career move on my husband's part and a desire to be near my family, we moved across the country. So now we're about a 7-9 hour flight away, non-direct. His family didn't totally freak out at this, but they weren't happy. Lots of passive-aggressive comments from everyone about how we were abandoning them...even though that didn't make sense, since we weren't exactly close to begin with. Still, I was compassionate because they've never been great with change and I knew that the added travel time was a consideration. Six months in, we bought a house and our daughter started preschool in quick succession. We've really settled into the community well.
​
Then, his dad died about a month ago. It wasn't a totally blindsiding shock because he had heart issues in the past, but the surgery was supposed to be fairly routine, so it was still a shock nonetheless. I don't need to tell you that it's terrible.
​
Where I'm not sure if I'm an asshole is...my husband thinks we should pack up and move to live near his mom. His sister quit her job and is currently trying to move to the same neighborhood, and he thinks we should follow suit. He said that the house/the job/the location don't matter like family does, and his family needs him now and that he never should have moved so far from them to begin with.
​
I really, really, really don't want to.
​
From my perspective, there are ways he can be there for his family without completely uprooting our lives in the process. He won't necessarily be able to find a job right away. Our daughter is thriving in her preschool. We have a home that barely has any equity on it, that we're still in the middle of sprucing up after buying it. It feels like a horrible idea to turn around and re-sell less than 6 months after purchase, while job searching, while trying to scramble to get our daughter into a preschool in a new state, AND while my husband is emotionally withdrawn from us during his own grieving process. Not to mention that his mom and sister have never been welcoming to me since I've known them, so I'd be an outsider at best, treated as a hostile intruder at worst every single day during a really tumultuous time
​
I want to be respectful and loving during his grieving process, but I'm not willing to completely change everything about our life again right after we finally started feeling settled. He thinks that this is me abandoning his needs (and his family's needs) at their darkest hour, and that I'm severely overestimating the difficulty of the move since he's the only one who has to find a new job and our daughter is so young, and we live in a seller's market.
​
AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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b4v9gd
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{
"description": "not wanting my dog to stay at my inlaws whilst we are on holiday",
"pronormative_score": 12,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for not wanting my dog to stay at my inlaws whilst we are on holiday?
|
Me (24/f) and my partner (26/m) have been together for around four years now. We own our own home together and have a dog that we jointly take care of but dogs details (vets, microchip etc) are in my name.
​
Family History: My partner has always had a rocky relationship with his parents and in particular his mother (now known as MIL) who has been diagnosed with a mental illness. MIL has always been the type to start arguments and disrupt the family and has kicked my partner out in the past over small things e.g. if he hasn't called her back in a short enough timescale. My partner's father (now known as FIL) and brother are both enablers and just try to keep the peace and not call out MIL when she gets out of control. Personally, I don't like waiting for the next time that MIL is going to blow up and would rather go LC but that is up to my partner.
​
Main Issue: At a family gathering in February we were all sharing a box of chocolates and I mentioned that the dog was not allowed to have any. As most people know, chocolate can make dogs seriously ill and as it has no part in my dog's diet it shouldn't have even been an issue. A couple of weeks later during yet another argument, my partner said that MIL screamed out that if she wants to feed the dog chocolate she will. Which was not what they were arguing about originally so I'm not sure why she burst out with it but still.
​
We are meant to be going on holiday this autumn and the inlaws were meant to be looking after the dog for about a week. AITA for not wanting the dog to go my inlaws house and put him into kennels instead? My partner said she didn't mean it, but to me that's a direct threat to a member of my family and I don't appreciate it. Whilst I cannot imagine that they are going to try and poison the dog, if this was my child with allergies then I certainly wouldn't be risking it. MIL hasn't apologised either.
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HISTORICAL
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RIGHT
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b47rr6
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{
"description": "getting Angry at my cousin for planning my wedding",
"pronormative_score": 6,
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|
AITA For Getting Angry At My Cousin For Planning My Wedding?
|
Throwaway account. TL;DR at the beginning. Will put spoiler tags.
​
TL;DR: >!My whole family is mad at me for yelling at my cousin after she tried to take over my wedding. I also said my fiancé, whom she is in love with, would never love her. No one is letting me see her and apologize. AITA?!<
&#x200B;
To make this easier to follow, my fiancé will be Jay, and my cousin will be Lisa.
&#x200B;
My fiancé Jay (M24) and I (F24) have been together for 10 years. We have never doubted the other in our relationship ever. We have a great relationship. Lisa (F21) and I have an okay relationship. We did grow up together, but we just never clicked.
&#x200B;
Now this happened when she was a senior in high school and Jay and I were 21. I went home for the holidays with Jay to celebrate Christmas with my family. During dinner, I overheard Lisa telling another cousin of ours that she wanted to fuck Jay. I confronted her later, but she said it was a joke. Last year at another Christmas gathering I went to with Jay, she told my aunt she was in love with Jay. I felt bad for her, so I didn't confront her this time. That night, Jay proposed. I saw Lisa crying and running upstairs to the bathroom.
&#x200B;
Flash forward to now. Our parents, Jay and I are planning our wedding. I specifically told my family that it was only going to be us 6 planning the wedding, no one else. My aunt argued with me to let Lisa on the planning committee since Lisa wants to be a wedding planner in the future. I eventually agreed.
&#x200B;
I really regret letting her on the committee. Let me list the things she's done so far:
* Wanted to take control of the catering. All the food choices, cake, table covers, napkins, utensils, etc.
* Wanted to pick out my dress. I said no to her pick, then the started to pout.
* Wanted to pick out the bridesmaid dresses. She said she wanted this specific dress because it looked good on her. She's not even one of my bridesmaids.
* Wanted to have a big wedding. I said no since both Jay and I wanted an intimate wedding with only family and close friends.
&#x200B;
Last week we were having another family gathering, and Lisa would not stop gushing about how perfect the wedding was going to be. Then she listed everything Jay and I picked out saying it was all HER idea. The more lies that came out of her mouth, I got angrier.
&#x200B;
I snapped and started to yell at her. I said how it wasn't her wedding, it was mine, and I could plan it however I pleased. I also said how he loved me and he would never love her. She burst into tears and ran upstairs to cry. I realized how hurtful the things I said was and went to go apologize, but my family stopped me. They told me I should just let her plan the wedding and let Jay go talk to her. I honestly felt really bad and tried to apologize, but no one would let me. Even Jay thinks I took it too far.
&#x200B;
Reddit, AITA?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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N7MqN0zZAU0itfDmiE6QDNbRQ5KmoZaC
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anidx0
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{
"description": "not inviting my sisters' boyfriend to my birthday party",
"pronormative_score": 8,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for not inviting my sisters' boyfriend to my birthday party?
|
So, this was a while ago and all my friends told me that I'm not the asshole, while my family seemed pretty much in consensus that I totally am, so I thought I'd just ask you people.
Here's the story. I decided to celebrate my birthday for the first time in about 5 years. Nothing fancy just some of my closest friends hanging out, playing games, drinking, having some nice food, you get the idea. There were about ten people invited.
I never specifically invited my sister, but we are close enough for her to feel invited without any words (she confirmed this). Her boyfriend was not specifically invited, too. He, on the other hand, was in fact not welcome, as for my part. I hardly knew him, never exactly disliked him, but never really liked him either.
Now, the day before said party, we had some sort of family dinner to celebrate the occasion with my parents. Her boyfriend was there, too, and she acted like it was pretty much self-explanatory that he was coming to my party. At first I did not say anything, partly because I was irritated, partly because I did not want to hurt his feelings. But later, after having thought about it, I texted her, asking whether she would be okay with not bringing him to the party, as I felt like he wouldn't quite fit in. The friends I invited know each other fairly well, for the most part. He would've been the only stranger among people who've known each other for several years, or otherwise have been getting along pretty well.
She accused me of being selfish and self centered, not considering other peoples feelings, that it was absolutely unacceptable for me not to invite him, that this wasn't about me, but about "family" and my feeling comfortable should not be the first thing I am worried about.
I was utterly overwhelmed by her reaction as I didn't expect it at all. We never really talked about it afterwards. The two of them were having their difficulties at the time and they broke up since, so it might have been related to her being stuck in an unfulfilling relationship. I don't know. But her accusations were damn hard, so I thought I'd ask. Am I the asshole?
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HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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MdgqiaIzRjTitHvFshdb1ePphrc4iwkc
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ajxt4t
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{
"description": "not accepting a pizza if I had ordered it 3 hours ago",
"pronormative_score": 9,
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|
AITA for not accepting a pizza if I had ordered it 3 hours ago?
|
Title. My sister wants to know if she's an asshole for ordering the pizza and not accepting/not paying. She asked for pizza 8:25pm and it arrived 11:40pm.
What would you do?
|
HISTORICAL
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OTHER
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RIGHT
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PLUNSL9w7QfV8pVAVSUJDTDkUsxrSlcl
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almsfy
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{
"description": "abruptly ending this friendship",
"pronormative_score": 5,
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}
|
AITA for abruptly ending this friendship?
|
In late high school I made friends with a dude one year my senior. We were friends for a year, year and a half, maybe? The context of this friendship: I needed a reason to get out of my house and away from my borderline-abusive sister, and he needed some company as his family grew busy and were rarely home. Though we had little history, our relationship was cathartic, and we'd spew whatever the hell we had on our minds - basically, a lot of unfiltered thinking out loud, without fear of judgement. From the start, we agreed on one thing: we were both very inexperienced socially, had social anxiety, and in my case the question of high-functioning autism has been raised by several teachers and doctors. We were to be blunt and clear with each other, ask for clarification when we were confused. No hidden resentments, no unvoiced objections about the other's rant of the day, etc. No wondering if that tone was suggestive or not - we would ask, and we would know, and that was comforting to the both of us.
This also meant there was NO question about what we were. We were not romantically involved. Until the event I'll cover in a minute, I didn't think there was confusion even without our agreement to be blunt. In fact, this was the first non-asexual person to whom I outed myself as asexual. Whether or not me outing myself is relevant to what happened next, I am unsure.
We went to the drive-in movies one night. I didn't have a car or a license, so we went in his car. We left a little early to avoid the jam on the way out, and he told me he was out of gas. Like, he was driving on E all day. This is where shit got weird.
He wanted to go to the gas station near his house. His house was WELL out of town, and that gas station was maybe like the tenth on the list of ones closest to us. It struck me as odd, but I figured he might just have a coupon or membership or some other discount for that station, and since he'd paid for the tickets I didn't say anything about it. I don't remember if I offered then, but if it were to happen now, I'd offer to pay for the gas (and insist on a closer station). We get to that gas station and the outside lights are off, but the inside lights are on. We can't see any other cars in the lot. The gas station door sits wide open. He locks me in the car and goes in, and then rushes back out. There was no cashier, just someone in the back rifling through shelves. We got the fuck outta there and he said "There's this back highway by my mom's house, if we go down that for ten minutes we'll find a gas station there."
And I think, *there's no way in hell we're driving ten more minutes out of town*. If the gas ran out, we didn't need to be in the middle of nowhere (which - the town itself is just one tier above "middle of nowhere"). While I didn't have my license, I did have a learner's permit, and I knew the roads pretty well. I told him we were better off returning to the drive-in and stopping at a gas station near there.
From here, something in my gut was telling me something was *wrong*. He would not make eye contact with me. He was very intently focused on the road, which was unlike him. He really didn't want to go back into town, and he started giving me excuses for it: we could just stop at his one of his parents' houses until one of them came home (in three hours). We could still go to that other gas station he knew of. I chalked this up to nerves and insisted no, we need to get out of dark residential areas and onto lit streets, we need to be near town where we have multiple stations and tow options, we need to stay where there's wifi/phone signal, etc., and he agreed we should return to town.
2 minutes down the familiar highway into town, there's an intersection, and despite 1) agreeing to return to town and 2) him taking this route to school every day for the past 2 years, he is in the wrong lane when we pull up to the intersection. He tells me that there's a cop here and it's too late, he has to head down this other single-lane road that leads out into the prairie. And he doesn't say "I'll u-turn" or "I'll turn around", he says "We'll look down that way for a gas station." He wants to drive down that road.
But there *is no cop*, and I have no idea where that road goes, and this is where I realize that I might be in trouble. I am locked in, I am far too small to get the wheel away from him, and nobody knows we are out here. We weren't supposed to come this way, let alone down a road neither of us was familiar with. I cannot let him take that road.
I tell him to turn anyway, fuck the cop. There's nobody else out here at 2 in the morning. We're not hurting anyone. And I *yell* this. Loudly. Over halfway through the intersection, he turns, and we resume the road back into town.
From here, he continues to give excuses to get us off the main road. "I don't know this place", "this doesn't look familiar", etc. This is still the route he would have taken every weekday for the past two years. It's... literally just take this highway, the only four-lane highway, all the way to the high school, where you turn onto the main street. It's not a hard route. I drove it once before this and I knew where we were. I direct him to a gas station in the middle of town. It is well-lit, no robbery this time. While he's filling up I text my sister to tell her we're close to the house (my parents made her stay up and wait for me because last time I was out late, I got locked out of the house - I had no idea if she was actually waiting, though). When he gets back in the car, even though she hadn't responded yet, I told him she texted me asking where I was and that I told her we were on our way. My house was also quite a ways out of town, in the other direction - a route he was much less familiar with, but after hearing my sister was up and waiting, he had no more trouble navigating darker, smaller, more confusing streets to get to my house.
Once I'm safe, I write down what I remember happening for later reference and spend an hour calming down, then go to bed. And what followed was years of me wondering what the fuck happened. I cannot stress how bad my gut feeling had been that night. I am a forgiving person. I've forgiven and salvaged friendships from worse, believe it or not. But that night every ounce of trust I had in this dude *evaporated*. Every instinct I had was screaming *danger, danger*, to the point where I considered grabbing at the wheel anyway and forcing us off the road once we were a little closer to town and someone might stop to check on us. I almost did, at that isolated intersection with the invisible cop. Had his weird behavior been because of the robbery (which - I didn't realize until now, actually, that I never saw this robbery; I'm pretty sure he wasn't lying about what he saw inside b/c what I saw outside was also so strange), or had there actually been bad intentions? If it *was* bad intentions, how far had he planned to go, and what had stopped him until I'd had the chance to contact my sister? Not long after this happened, I wrote about the incident for a class. It was a private assignment, just read by the teacher, and I kept the kid's name out of it (this teacher didn't know him, anyway). The teacher said I was right to trust my gut. Years after, I have come to the following conclusion, the only one that reconciles the strange events of the night, my gut feeling, and who I knew this dude to be:
He had no bad intentions. He didn't go into it with a plan to put hands on me. I think what he wanted was for us to end up in a house or in the car alone with nothing else to do so he'd have a chance to make a move, set the mood, whatever you'd want to call it. I don't think he'd have touched me without consent. But it just... never crossed his mind that locking me in his car and trying to force us first to his house and then into the middle of nowhere without telling me why would be *terrifying*. It would breach our pact about being blunt, but we did have social anxiety, and maybe he took "asexual" to mean "straight but a little nervous" and decided a sideways approach was best. Maybe, once we were parked somewhere, he would have bluntly asked. But he never got farther than trying to set the stage, because of the robbery and my insistence we head back into town instead. I am very certain that this is what happened.
He didn't contact me for two months after that. He knew he'd done something wrong. After some time had passed (though - keep in mind I was still processing what happened, hadn't quite reached the above conclusion, still had no idea what he'd intended that night) he asked if I wanted to join him for lunch or something. I turned him down. I was terrified of the thought of being alone with him again. He invited himself to my graduation at the end of the school year, and I told my classmate - "Don't leave me alone with him." She didn't treat him badly or anything - in fact, they hung out with each other more than I did with either of them - but she followed my request without question. He rode with me and my mother to the ceremony and we exchanged a few words, but he spoke mostly to my mother. He was avoiding me, too.
I never addressed him directly about what happened, and that's where I wonder if I'm the asshole.
See, I was afraid to be alone with him, but this wasn't something I could ask him about in front of others. I could have texted, but every time I chickened out. It seemed like a conversation best had face-to-face, like texting would result in misunderstandings and reading with the wrong tone. If his answer was "No, I was just nervous," I don't think I would have believed him right away. And if his answer was "Yes, I wanted to get us alone toge
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RIGHT
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JFVIZWf9APphlXbwqV69kBEVXn2itVrE
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ailddj
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{
"description": "taking my soda revenge",
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}
|
AITA for taking my soda revenge?
|
So I just recently found this subreddit and figured I would share my story from a couple of years ago.
I was in the cinema with some friends watching Super Bowl. Patriots vs Falcons. We had booked our seats several weeks prior in order to get the best possible seats just below the walking area, so we could just jump down instead of having to go all the way around and inconvinience people.
When we got there some guy had taken the very center seat and refused to move. So after several minutes of confrontations and threatening with getting the usher he finally moved a couple of seats to the side. But before he could move he "accidentally" spilled cola on my seat. Now I spent the first quarter of the game sitting on a soaking wet seat. This was so fucking frustrating and I had a hard time enjoying myself for what is a fun night of tradition with my friends.
Patriots were really far behind and this guy was an annoyance constantly making hand signatures and grunting whenever the refs would make "a wrong call". We are roughly down to 5 minutes of the first half and Patriots are behind with 20-25 points and this guy goes out to get some drinks before the halftime show. As he goes away I prepare my revenge.
He had locked his seat so he could jump down instead of going around. I however had noticed this and decided to unlock his seat so it would go back and forwards whenever you move in the seat. He comes back with a very big cola and as he steps into his seat he gets surprised about it not being locked, he trips and spills his drink all over himself while me, my friends and a good chunk of the cinema burst out laughing.
He ends up leaving, presumably to go get cleaned up, however he never returned, which I figure was due to his team losing badly.
Well for people who remember Patriots overcame a 25 points deficit and managed to win in the biggest Super Bowl comeback in history and this guy missed it all because he had to spill drinks on a seat he didn't even pay for in the first place.
I ended up feeling like an asshole but at the same time it felt so good after having to sit on a soaking seat for almost 5 hours.
|
HISTORICAL
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EVERYBODY
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WRONG
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jK7tSIrONsAyVacXMEmrWOZhgNV26Cf6
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9vniuh
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{
"description": "telling my friend to stop talking shit about our section members/his girlfriend's friends and making him cry",
"pronormative_score": 2,
"contranormative_score": 0
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|
AITA for telling my friend to stop talking shit about our section members/his girlfriend’s friends and making him cry?
|
Backstory: I have a friend named Dylan. He came to our school and he plays percussion with me. He has a brother who is basically a legend in our band with how good he is at marimba(he’s even in a professional indoor drumline), so he tries to act a lot like him and he tries to better than everyone else. Normally that wouldn’t really be a problem, but he puts other people down when they can’t play things right, he acts as if he’s the top dog, he’s extremely defiant to our section leader, etc.
Anyways going into the story, he dates a girl in our section, and he’s very clingy to her and he freaks out over very little things. His girl is friends with another girl in my section, jasmine, and they’re basically like sisters. Well jasmine is bi, and one night faith fell asleep with her without a shirt on. When Dylan found out, he completely freaked out. Ever since then, he’s hated jasmine.
So yesterday at lunch before his girl came over to our table, he did like everything he possibly could to make sure jasmine wouldn’t sit with us. I’m good friends with jasmine so I asked him “dude what the hell is your problem with her” and he goes on about how jasmine is a “bad influence to his girlfriend” and so on, even though jasmine is extremely sweet and is nowhere near a bad influence. So I got really frustrated and went off to choir
Before concert band started(because I have Dylan, his girl, and jasmine all in that period), I pulled jasmine and Dylan’s girlfriend aside, and basically said “look, I don’t know what’s dylan’s problem with jasmine but you guys need to work something out, pr i’ll get our percussion instructor to work it out for you guys. We’re a front ensemble, that means we’re a family, we don’t exclude people who aren’t assholes” and they said they understood and they went to talk to Dylan about it
Later on in concert band i saw Dylan crying his eyes out because his girl was talking to him about it, and today I found out he wants nothing to do with me anymore because i “hate him and am a fake friend” even though I love Dylan(no homo tho) just as much as the rest of the front and I always go to help him whenever he says something is wrong
So what do you guys think, AITA?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 2,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 2,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
CedSrpXnlHyN1xZL49BKX8HO6Q58ykud
|
akjdqg
|
{
"description": "blocking a guy I was confused about",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 0
}
|
AITA for blocking a guy I was confused about?
|
TDLR; I didn't ask him his intentions with me sooner & it confused me.
I don't know if I'm blowing this out of proportion or what
I matched with him on Tinder almost 2 months ago. Tbh I didn't intend to catch any feelings, since I got out of an emotionally abusive relationship a few months prior
The first date/hang out went good. We watched a couple movies & cuddled. It ended with us doing the hooptiddy doop. His gma yelled at him saying "this isn't a motel!" I automatically thought she meant I was a slut (the reason why is my mom calls my sister one for going to a motel & my anxiety kicked in). He told me she was just in a bad mood. When he dropped me off I told him I had a good time, but he didn't really say anything until he dmed me. So while we were messaging he asks me questions about if he was a good kisser & stuff. We flirt a little back & forth
Onto the 2nd date/hang out, it was bad because my mom continuously texting me made me have a panic attack, which lead to me crying & second guessing through the whole time. I honestly didn't think he'd want to talk to me again, but he told me it was alright, and to just breathe.
the third time we made cupcakes, everything was going great, we just got done hoopity dooping. Youtube was on when he got a notification from a girl saying something about meeting up. I got a tad bit upset as I didn't think he'd be asking me for a third date if he was talking to someone else. I started to kinda stare at the screen, when he asked me what was wrong, i stayed silent for a bit, cause i was trying to gather my thoughts. I asked him what happened with his ex, then i noticed he became really red & told me "a bunch of stupid shit". He then kept talking about her until it was time for me to leave.
My 21st birthday came around a few weeks later. I stayed the night & we got drunk. We fucked for a good hour or two then went to sleep. It was different because he usually cuddled me really close, this time he kept moving close & away from me, I decided to just sleep on the other side of the bed. At this time, I was starting to think he wasn't actually into me.
After that, we tried to find ways to hang out, but on the days we're about to, he stops replying until 1 am, & says he fell asleep.
At first, I was okay with it, but then I started noticing every time he was going to tell his gma about it or see if there was gas for the car, he didn't talk to me for the rest of the night, never even let me know he wasn't coming. So I felt stood up. This happened about 5 or 6 times, a couple of those times he didn't talk to me for a day or two after
He told me he felt lonely & needed company. He also told me it was okay to tell him I miss him, but the third time I did, he skipped over it like nothing happened so I stopped saying it.
He stayed a couple nights last week because he was moving. It seemed like he was into me, but too nervous to do anything, at the same time it looked like he was annoyed with me & just there to be there. I was way too anxious & did many stupid things (one was knocking everything down that I touched because I was too shaky, another is trying to change in my tiny closet). There's a little more detail, but I'm too tired to write it out lol.
He reduced his messages to about 3-4 messages a day when we used to talk back & forth through the day. He even logs right off when he sees me go online, then messages me after I got off.
Last night, I asked him what his intentions were with me & he said "I just got out of a relationship, but I like hanging out with you."
This morning after he left me on seen, I decided to block him because it was fucking with my feelings too much. Am I the asshole for doing that?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 0,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 0
}
|
RIGHT
|
UJeRfvqtuAAca7gQCqJ6Ak26CI5fDust
|
au5boq
|
{
"description": "passing out and falling asleep as soon as done with sex",
"pronormative_score": 5,
"contranormative_score": 3
}
|
AITA for passing out and falling asleep as soon as done with sex
|
*Trigger warning: Sex talk*
My wife and I have had this discussion for a while now. We’ve been together for 5 years now. We’ve been intimate since month 6 of dating and it was a shock to her since the very first time as I did at one point fall asleep during the point of “climax”. At least 95.5% of the time after intercourse is done I will fall asleep within seconds. The other 4.5% I will actually fill with energy and we will continue our day as normal. Most recently it’s become a problem because she has developed severely terrible insomnia and it makes her incredibly angry when I fall asleep and she is left alone. I haven’t really tried anything to avoid this because I feel like there nothing I can do that will stop me from falling asleep. It also doesn’t help that I’m a fairly heavy sleeper. Most of all the time we do both reach climax, it’s not like I get taken care of and she is left empty handed.
Am I the asshole for this? How could I make this in any way better for her or how could explain this to her in a way that would make her feel better?
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 3,
"OTHER": 5,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 1
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 5,
"WRONG": 3
}
|
RIGHT
|
4l3rh2j7EhcTKHjLlF4SSuKZgw4qeU91
|
abmvrb
|
{
"description": "chasing down kids who destroyed a stereo in my road",
"pronormative_score": 3,
"contranormative_score": 1
}
|
AITA for chasing down kids who destroyed a stereo in my road?
|
Ten days ago seven or eight middle-school/early high-school kids came down my street and destroyed a boombox/cd-player in front of my house and ran off. I went out and collected the pieces, but they were long gone.
Today (ten days later) I see the same group. I grab a trash bag and hop in my car (the stereo is still in my car from when I collected the pieces). They are already at the end of the road, a block or so, turning toward an empty field.
I drive down and hold my phone up like I'm recording--but it's a prepaid Samsung and not even on. I roll down my window and tell them I have something for them. They look understandably suspicious. They look like they're about to bolt so I start to get out of the car with the bag, and they run. One of them hesitates. I'm saying stuff like, "This is the stereo you left in the road, cops are on the way, I don't want to upload this video to Youtube, etc." Then he bolts, too. The road doesn't go into the empty field, so I drive my car into the dead end and see them filtering into the woods on the far side of the field--except the one who ran last. He's hiding behind a tree.
I get out and whistle to him, and he comes out. I keep pretending to video the whole thing. He puts his hands up defensively and tells me he'll take the bag if i leave it on the ground. He looks pretty scared. I tell him I'm not going to do anything to him but put the video on Youtube if he doesn't take the bag. I walk to the car, get the bag, he takes it, I "film" him putting it into a dumpster, and leave before he's even done turning around.
AITA? I admit the kid looked scared shitless, but he was big and old enough to know better--and there were like 7 or 8 of them together... I was never physically near them... so I don't feel like I was threatening them. I am about 5'11" 220 with a big beard, but in a Galfinakis and not Momoa way.
|
HISTORICAL
|
{
"AUTHOR": 1,
"OTHER": 3,
"EVERYBODY": 0,
"NOBODY": 0,
"INFO": 0
}
|
OTHER
|
{
"RIGHT": 3,
"WRONG": 1
}
|
RIGHT
|
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